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{"question": "What are the main points discussed in this section of AA-Daily-Reflections.pdf?", "answer": "JANUARY 1 \"I AM A MIRACLE\" The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 25 This truly is a fact in my life today, and a real miracle. I always believed in God, but could never put that belief meaningfully into my life. Today, because of Alcoholics Anonymous, I now trust and rely on God, as I understand Him; I am sober today because of that! Learning to trust and rely on God was something I could never have done alone. I now believe in miracles because I am one! JANUARY 2 FIRST, THE FOUNDATION Is sobriety all that we can expect of a spiritual awakening? No, sobriety is only a bare beginning. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 8 Practicing the A.A. program is like building a house. First I had to pour a big, thick concrete slab on which to erect the house; that, to me, was the equivalent of stopping drinking. But it's pretty uncomfortable living on a concrete slab, unprotected and exposed to the heat, cold, wind and rain. So I built a room on the slab by starting to practice the program. The first room was rickety because I wasn't used to the work. But as time passed, as I practiced the program, I learned to build better rooms. The more I practiced, and the more I built, the more comfortable, and happy, was the home I now have to live in. JANUARY 3 POWERLESS We admitted we were powerless over alcoholthat our lives had become unmanageable. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21 It is no coincidence that the very first Step mentions powerlessness: An admission of personal powerlessness over alcohol is a cornerstone of the foundation of recovery. I've learned that I do not have the power and control I once thought I had. I am powerless over what people think about me. I am powerless over having just missed the bus. I am powerless over how other people work (or don't work) the Steps. But I've also learned I am not powerless over some things. I am not powerless over my attitudes. I am not powerless over negativity. I am not powerless over assuming responsibility for my own recovery. I have the power to exert a positive influence on myself, my loved ones, and the world in which I live. JANUARY 4 BEGIN WHERE YOU ARE We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 19 It's usually pretty easy for me to be pleasant to the people in an A.A. setting. While I'm working to stay sober, I'm celebrating with my fellow A.A .S our common release from the hell of drinking. It's often not so hard to spread glad tidings to my old and new friends in the program. At home or at work, though, it can be a different story. It is in situations arising in both of those areas that the little day-to-day frustrations are most evident, and where it can be tough to smile or reach out with a kind word or an attentive ear. It's outside of the A.A. rooms that I face the real test of the effectiveness of my walk through A.A.'s Twelve Steps. JANUARY 5 TOTAL ACCEPTANCE He cannot picture life without alcohol Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 152 Only an alcoholic can understand the exact meaning of a statement like this one. The double standard that held me captive as an active alcoholic also filled me with terror and confusion: \"If I don't get a drink I'm going to die,\" competed with \"If I continue drinking it's going to kill me.\" Both compulsive thoughts pushed me ever closer to the bottom. That bottom produced a total acceptance of my alcoholismwith no reservations whatsoeverand one that was absolutely essential for my recovery. It was a dilemma unlike anything I had ever faced, but as I found out later on, a necessary one if I was to succeed in this program. JANUARY 6 THE VICTORY OF SURRENDER We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personal powerlessness finally turn out to be firm bedrock upon which happy and purposeful lives may be built TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21 When alcohol influenced every facet of my life, when bottles became the symbol of all my self-indulgence and permissiveness, when I came to realize that, by myself, I could do nothing to overcome the power of alcohol, I realized I had no recourse except surrender. In surrender I found victoryvictory over my selfish self-indulgence, victory over my stubborn resistance to life as it was given to me. When I stopped fighting anybody or anything, I started on the path to sobriety, serenity and peace. JANUARY 7 AT THE TURNING POINT Half measures availed us nothing. W e stood at the turning point. W e asked His protection and care with complete abandon. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59 Every day I stand at turning points. My thoughts and actions can propel me toward growth or turn me down the road to old habits and to booze. Sometimes turning points are beginnings, as when I decide to start praising, instead of condemning someone. Or when I begin to ask for help instead of going it alone. At other times turning points are endings, such as when I see clearly the need to stop festering resentments or crippling self-seeking. Many shortcomings tempt me daily; therefore, I also have daily opportunities to become aware of them. In one form or another, many of my character defects appear daily: self-condemnation, anger, running away, being prideful, wanting to get even, or acting out of grandiosity. Attempting half measures to eliminate these defects merely paralyzes my efforts to change. It is only when I ask God for help, with complete abandon, that I become willingand ableto change. JANUARY 8 DO I HAVE A CHOICE? The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 24 My powerlessness over alcohol does not cease when I quit drinking. In sobriety I still have no choiceI can't drink. The choice I do have is to pick up and use the \"kit of spiritual tools\" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 25). When I do that, my Higher Power relieves me of my lack of choice and keeps me sober one more day. If I could choose not to pick up a drink today, where then would be my need for A.A. or a Higher Power? JANUARY 9 AN ACT OF PROVIDENCE It is truly awful to admit that, glass in hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of Providence can remove it from us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21 My act of Providence, (a manifestation of divine care and direction), came as I experienced the total bankruptcy of active alcoholismeverything meaningful in my life was gone. I telephoned Alcoholics Anonymous and, from that instant, my life has never been the same. When I reflect on that very special moment, I know that God was working in my life long before I was able to acknowledge and accept spiritual concepts. The glass was put down through this one act of Providence and my journey into sobriety began. My life continues to unfold with divine care and direction. Step One, in which I admitted I was powerless over alcohol, that my life had become unmanageable, takes on more meaning for meone day at a timein the life-saving, life-giving Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. JANUARY 10 UNITED WE STAND We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 30 I came to Alcoholics Anonymous because I was no longer able to control my drinking. It was either my wife's complaining about my drinking, or maybe the sheriff forced me to go to A.A. meetings, or perhaps I knew, deep down inside, that I couldn't drink like others, but I was unwilling to admit it because the alternative terrified me. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women united against a common, fatal disease. Each one of our lives is linked to every other, much like the survivors on a life raft at sea. If we all work together, we can get safely to shore. JANUARY 11 THE 100% STEP Only Step One, where we made the 100 percent admission we were powerless over alcohol can be practiced with absolute perfection. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 68 Long before I was able to obtain sobriety in A.A., I knew without a doubt that alcohol was killing me, yet even with this knowledge, I was unable to stop drinking. So, when faced with Step One, I found it easy to admit that I lacked the power to not drink. But was my life unmanageable? Never! Five months after coming into A.A., I was drinking again and wondered why. Later on, back in A.A. and smarting from my wounds, I learned that Step One is the only Step that can be taken 100%. And that the only way to take it 100% is to take 100% of the Step. That was many twenty-four hours ago and I haven't had to take Step One again. JANUARY 12 ACCEPTING OUR PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to that unflattering point of departure. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives. Provided we strenuously avoid turning these realistic surveys of the facts of life into unrealistic alibis for apathy or defeatism, they can be the sure foundation upon which increased emotional health and therefore spiritual progress can be built. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 44 When I am having a difficult time accepting people, places or events, I turn to this passage and it relieves me of many an underlying fear regarding others, or situations life presents me. The thought allows me to be human and not perfect, and to regain my peace of mind. JANUARY 13 IT DOESN'T HAPPEN OVERNIGHT We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 The most common alcoholic fantasy seems to be: \"If I just don't drink, everything will be all right.\" Once the fog cleared for me, I sawfor the first timethe mess my life had become. I had family, work, financial and legal problems; I was hung up on old religious ideas; there were sides of my character to which I was inclined to stay blind because they easily could have convinced me that I was hopeless and pushed me toward escape again. The Big Book guided me in resolving all of my problems. But it didn't happen overnightand certainly not automaticallywith no effort on my part. I need always to recognize God's mercy and blessings that shine through any problem I have to face. JANUARY 14 NO REGRETS W e will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83 Once I became sober, I began to see how wasteful my life had been and I experienced overwhelming guilt and feelings of regret. The program's Fourth and Fifth Steps assisted me enormously in healing those troubling regrets. I learned that my self-centeredness and dishonesty stemmed largely from my drinking and that I drank because I was an alcoholic. Now I see how even my most distasteful past experiences can turn to gold because, as a sober alcoholic, I can share them to help my fellow alcoholics, particularly newcomers. Sober for several years in A.A., I no longer regret the past; I am simply grateful to be conscious of God's love and of the help I can give to others in the Fellowship. JANUARY 15 AN UNSUSPECTED INNER RESOURCE With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 569-70 From my first days in A.A., as I struggled for sobriety, I found hope in these words from our founders. I often pondered the phrase: \"they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource.\" How, I asked myself, can I find the Power within myself, since I am so powerless? In time, as the founders promised, it came to me: I have always had the choice between goodness and evil, between unselfishness and selfishness, between serenity and fear. That Power greater than myself is an original gift that I did not recognize until I achieved daily sobriety through living A.A.'s Twelve Steps. JANUARY 16 HITTING BOTTOM Why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottom first? The answer is that few people will sincerely try to practice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom. For practicing A. A. 's remaining eleven Steps means the adoption of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic who is still drinking can dream of taking. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 24 Hitting bottom opened my mind and I became willing to try something different. What I tried was A.A. My new life in the Fellowship was a little like learning how to ride a bike for the first time: A.A. became my training wheels and my supporting hand. It's not that I wanted the help so much at the time; I simply did not want to hurt like that again. My desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful than my desire to drink. In the beginning that was what kept me sober. But after a while I found myself working the Steps to the best of my ability. I soon realized that my attitudes and actions were changingif ever so slightly. One Day at a Time, I became comfortable with myself, and others, and my hurting started to heal. Thank God for the training wheels and supporting hand that I choose to call Alcoholics Anonymous. JANUARY 17 HAPPINESS COMES QUIETLY \"The trouble with us alcoholics was this: W e demanded that the world give us happiness and peace of mind in just the particular order we wanted to get itby the alcohol route. And we weren't successful. But when we take time to find out some of the spiritual laws, and familiarize ourselves with them, and put them into practice, then we do get happiness and peace of mind. . . . There seem to be some rules that we have to follow, but happiness and peace of mind are always here, open and free to anyone.\" DR. BOB AND THE GOOD OLDTIMERS, p. 308 The simplicity of the A. A. program teaches me that happiness isn't something I can \"demand.\" It comes upon me quietly, while I serve others. In offering my hand to the newcomer or to someone who has relapsed, I find that my own sobriety has been recharged with indescribable gratitude and happiness. JANUARY 18 WOULD A DRINK HELP? By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 23 When I was still drinking, I couldn't respond to any of life's situations the way other, more healthy, people could. The smallest incident triggered a state of mind that believed I had to have a drink to numb my feelings. But the numbing did not improve the situation, so I sought further escape in the bottle. Today I must be aware of my alcoholism. I cannot afford to believe that I have gained control of my drinkingor again I will think I have gained control of my life. Such a feeling of control is fatal to my recovery. JANUARY 19 ROUND-THE-CLOCK FAITH Faith has to work twenty-four hours a day in and through us, or we perish. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 16 The essence of my spirituality, and my sobriety, rests on a round-the-clock faith in a Higher Power. I need to remember and rely on the God of my understanding as I pursue all of my daily activities. How comforting for me is the concept that God works in and through people. As I pause in my day, do I recall specific concrete examples of God's presence? Am I amazed and uplifted by the number of times this power is evident? I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my God's presence in my life of recovery. Without this omnipotent force in my every activity, I would again fall into the depths of my diseaseand death. JANUARY 20 \"WE PAUSE . . . AND ASK\" As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 87 Today I humbly ask my Higher Power for the grace to find the space between my impulse and my action; to let flow a cooling breeze when I would respond with heat; to interrupt fierceness with gentle peace; to accept the moment which allows judgment to become discernment; to defer to silence when my tongue would rush to attack or defend. I promise to watch for every opportunity to turn toward my Higher Power for guidance. I know where this power is: it resides within me, as clear as a mountain brook, hidden in the hillsit is the unsuspected Inner Resource. I thank my Higher Power for this world of light and truth I see when I allow it to direct my vision. I trust it today and hope it trusts me to make all effort to find the right thought or action today. JANUARY 21 SERVING MY BROTHER The member talks to the newcomer not in a spirit of power but in a spirit of humility and weakness. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS COMES OF AGE p. 279 As the days pass in A.A., I ask God to guide my thoughts and the words that I speak. In this labor of continuous participation in the Fellowship, I have numerous opportunities to speak. So I frequently ask God to help me watch over my thoughts and my words, that they may be the true and proper reflections of our program; to focus my aspirations once again to seek His guidance; to help me be truly kind and loving, helpful and healing, yet always filled with humility, and free from any trace of arrogance. Today I may very well have to deal with disagreeable attitudes or utterancesthe typical stock-in-trade attitude of the still-suffering alcoholic. If this should happen, I will take a moment to center myself in God, so that I will be able to respond from a perspective of composure, strength and sensibility. JANUARY 22 \"LET'S KEEP IT SIMPLE\" A few hours later I took my leave of Dr. Bob. . . . The wonderful, old, broad smile was on his face as he said almost jokingly, \"Remember, Bill, let's not louse this thing up. Let's keep it simple!\" I turned away, unable to say a word. That was the last time I ever saw him. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS COMES OF AGE, p. 214 After years of sobriety I occasionally ask myself: \"Can it be this simple?\" Then, at meetings, I see former cynics and skeptics who have walked the A. A. path out of hell by packaging their lives, without alcohol, into twenty-four hour segments, during which they practice a few principles to the best of their individual abilities. And then I know again that, while it isn't always easy, if I keep it simple, it works. JANUARY 23 HAVING FUN YET? . . . we aren't a glum lot. If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn't want it. W e absolutely insist on enjoying life. W e try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world's troubles on our shoulders ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 132 When my own house is in order, I find the different parts of my life are more manageable. Stripped from the guilt and remorse that cloaked my drinking years, I am free to assume my proper role in the universe, but this condition requires maintenance. I should stop and ask myself, Am I having fun yet? If I find answering that question difficult or painful, perhaps I'm taking myself too seriouslyand find-ing it difficult to admit that I've strayed from my practice of working the program to keep my house in order. I think the pain I experience is one way my Higher Power has to get my attention, coaxing me to take stock of my performance. The slight time and effort it takes to work the programa spot-check inventory, for example, or the making of amends, whatever is appropriateare well worth the effort. JANUARY 24 GETTING INVOLVED There is action and more action. \"Faith without works is dead.\" . . . T o be helpful is our only aim. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 88-89 I understand that service is a vital part of recovery but I often wonder, \"What can I do?\" Simply start with what I have today! I look around to see where there is a need. Are the ashtrays full? Do I have hands and feet to empty them? Suddenly I'm involved! The best speaker may make the worst coffee; the member who's best with newcomers may be unable to read; the one willing to clean up may make a mess of the bank accountyet every one of these people and jobs is essential to an active group. The miracle of service is this: when I use what I have, I find there is more available to me than I realized before. JANUARY 25 WHAT WE NEEDEACH OTHER . . . A.A. is really saying to every serious drinker, \"You are an A.A. member if you say so . . . nobody can keep you out.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 139 For years, whenever I reflected on Tradition Three (\"The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking\"), I thought it valuable only to newcomers. It was their guarantee that no one could bar them from A.A. Today I feel enduring gratitude for the spiritual development the Tradition has brought me. I don't seek out people obviously different from myself. Tradition Three, concentrating on the one way I am similar to others, brought me to know and help every kind of alcoholic, just as they have helped me. Charlotte, the atheist, showed me higher standards of ethics and honor; Clay, of another race, taught me patience; Winslow, who is gay, led me by example into true compassion; Young Megan says that seeing me at meetings, sober thirty years, keeps her coming back. Tradition Three insured that we would get what we needeach other. JANUARY 26 RIGOROUS HONESTY Who wishes to be rigorously honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess his faults to another and make restitution for harm done? Who cares anything about a Higher Power, let alone meditation and prayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and energy in trying to carry A.A. 's message to the next sufferer? No, the average alcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn't care for this prospectunless he has to do these things in order to stay alive himself. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 24 I am an alcoholic. If I drink I will die. My, what power, energy, and emotion this simple statement generates in me! But it's really all I need to know for today. Am I willing to stay alive today? Am I willing to stay sober today? Am I willing to ask for help and am I willing to be a help to another suffering alcoholic today? Have I discovered the fatal nature of my situation? What must I do, today, to stay sober? JANUARY 27 FREEDOM FROM GUILT Where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word \"blame\" from our speech and thought. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 47 When I become willing to accept my own powerlessness, I begin to realize that blaming myself for all the trouble in my life can be an ego trip back into hopelessness. Asking for help and listening deeply to the messages inherent in the Steps and Traditions of the program make it possible to change those attitudes which delay my recovery. Before joining A.A., I had such a desire for approval from people in powerful positions that I was willing to sacrifice myself, and others, to gain a foothold in the world. I invariably came to grief. In the program I find true friends who love, understand, and care to help me learn the truth about myself. With the help of the Twelve Steps, I am able to build a better life, free of guilt and the need for self-justification. JANUARY 28 THE TREASURE OF THE PAST Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you havethe key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 124 What a gift it is for me to realize that all those seemingly useless years were not wasted. The most degrading and humiliating experiences turn out to be the most powerful tools in helping others to recover. In knowing the depths of shame and despair, I can reach out with a loving and compassionate hand, and know that the grace of God is available to me. JANUARY 29 THE JOY OF SHARING Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friendsthis is an experience you must not miss. W e know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 89 To know that each newcomer with whom I share has the opportunity to experience the relief that I have found in this Fellowship fills me with joy and gratitude. I feel that all the things described in A.A. will come to pass for them, as they have for me, if they seize the opportunity and embrace the program fully. JANUARY 30 FREEDOM FROM . . . FREEDOM TO We are going to know a new freedom. . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83 Freedom for me is both freedom from and freedom to. The first freedom I enjoy is freedom from the slavery of alcohol. What a relief! Then I begin to experience freedom from fearfear of people, of economic insecurity, of commitment, of failure, of rejection. Then I begin to enjoy freedom tofreedom to choose sobriety for today, freedom to be myself, freedom to express my opinion, to experience peace of mind, to love and be loved, and freedom to grow spiritually. But how can I achieve these freedoms? The Big Book clearly says that before I am halfway through making amends, I will begin to know a \"new\" freedom; not the old freedom of doing what I pleased, without regard to others, but the new freedom that allows fulfillment of the promises in my life. What a joy to be free! JANUARY 31 OUR COMMON WELFARE COMES FIRST The unity of Alcoholics Anonymous is the most cherished quality our Society has . . . W e stay whole, or A. A. dies TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 129 Our Traditions are key elements in the ego deflation process necessary to achieve and maintain sobriety in Alcoholics Anonymous. The First Tradition reminds me not to take credit, or authority, for my recovery. Placing our common welfare first reminds me not to become a healer in this program; I am still one of the patients. Self-effacing elders built the ward. Without it, I doubt I would be alive. Without the group, few alcoholics would recover. The active role in renewed surrender of will enables me to step aside from the need to dominate, the desire for recognition, both of which played so great a part in my active alcoholism. Deferring my personal desires for the greater good of group growth contributes toward A.A. unity that is central to all recovery. It helps me to remember that the whole is greater than the sum of all its parts.  FEBRUARY 1 GOAL: SANITY \". . . Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can't say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 27 \"Came to believe!\" I gave lip service to my belief when I felt like it or when I thought it would look good. I didn't really trust God. I didn't believe He cared for me. I kept trying to change things I couldn't change. Gradually, in disgust, I began to turn it all over, saying: \"You're so omnipotent, you take care of it.\" He did. I began to receive answers to my deepest problems, sometimes at the most unusual times: driving to work, eating lunch, or when I was sound asleep. I realized that I hadn't thought of those solutionsa Power greater than myself had given them to me. I came to believe. FEBRUARY 2 RESCUED BY SURRENDERING Characteristic of the so-called typical alcoholic is a narcissistic egocentric core, dominated by feelings of omnipotence, intent on maintaining at all costs its inner integrity. . . . Inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from man or God He, the alcoholic, is and must be the master of his destiny. He will fight to the end to preserve that position. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 311 The great mystery is: \"Why do some of us die alcoholic deaths, fighting to preserve the 'independence' of our ego, while others seem to sober up effortlessly in A.A.?\" Help from a Higher Power, the gift of sobriety, came to me when an otherwise unexplained desire to stop drinking coincided with my willingness to accept the suggestions of the men and women of A.A. I had to surrender, for only by reaching out to God and my fellows could I be rescued. FEBRUARY 3 FILLING THE VOID We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. \"Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?\" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 47 I was always fascinated with the study of scientific principles. I was emotionally and physically distant from people while I pursued Absolute Knowledge. God and spirituality were meaningless academic exercises. I was a modern man of science, knowledge was my Higher Power. Given the right set of equations, life was merely another problem to solve. Yet my inner self was dying from my outer man's solution to life's problems and the solution was alcohol. In spite of my intelligence, alcohol became my Higher Power. It was through the unconditional love which emanated from A.A. people and meetings that I was able to discard alcohol as my Higher Power. The great void was filled. I was no longer lonely and apart from life. I had found a true power greater than myself, I had found God's love. There is only one equation which really matters to me now: God is in A.A. FEBRUARY 4 WHEN FAITH IS MISSING Sometimes A.A. comes harder to those who have lost or rejected faith than to those who never had any faith at all, for they think they have tried faith and found it wanting. They have tried the way of faith and the way of no faith. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 28 I was so sure God had failed me that I became ultimately defiant, though I knew better, and plunged into a final drinking binge. My faith turned bitter and that was no coincidence. Those who once had great faith hit bottom harder. It took time to rekindle my faith, though I came to A.A. I was grateful intellectually to have survived such a great fall, but my heart felt callous. Still, I stuck with the A.A. program; the alternatives were too bleak! I kept coming back and gradually my faith was resurrected. FEBRUARY 5 A GLORIOUS RELEASE \"The minute I stopped arguing, I could begin to see and feel Right there, Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can't say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now. T o acquire it, I had only to stop fighting and practice the rest of A.A. 's pro-gram as enthusiastically as I could.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 27 After years of indulging in a \"self-will run riot,\" Step Two became for me a glorious release from being all alone. Nothing is so painful or insurmountable in my journey now. Someone is always there to share life's burdens with me. Step Two became a reinforcement with God, and I now realize that my insanity and ego were curiously linked. To rid myself of the former, I must give up the latter to one with far broader shoulders than my own. FEBRUARY 6 A RALLYING POINT Therefore, Step Two is the rallying point for all of us. Whether agnostic, atheist, or former believer, we can stand together on this Step. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 33 I feel that A.A. is a God-inspired program and that God is at every A.A. meeting. I see, believe, and have come to know that A.A. works, because I have stayed sober today. I am turning my life over to A.A. and to God by going to an A.A. meeting. If God is in my heart and everyone else's, then I am a small part of a whole and I am not unique. If God is in my heart and He speaks to me through other people, then I must be a channel of God to other people. I should seek to do His will by living spiritual principles and my reward will be sanity and emotional sobriety. FEBRUARY 7 A PATH TO FAITH True humility and an open mind can lead us to faith, and every A.A. meeting is an assurance that God will restore us to sanity if we rightly relate ourselves to Him. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 33 My last drunk had landed me in the hospital, totally broken. It was then that I was able to see my past float in front of me. I realized that, through drinking, I had lived every nightmare I had ever had. My own self-will and obsession to drink had driven me into a dark pit of hallucinations, blackouts and despair. Finally beaten, I asked for God's help. His presence told me to believe. My obsession for alcohol was taken away and my paranoia has since been lifted. I am no longer afraid. I know my life is healthy and sane. FEBRUARY 8 CONVINCING \"MR. HYDE\" Even then, as we hew away, peace and joy w ill still elude us. That's the place so many of us A. A. oldsters have come to. And it's a hell of a spot, literally. How shall our unconsciousfrom which so many of our fears, compulsions and phony aspirations still stream be brought into line with what we actually believe, know and want! How to convince our dumb, raging and hidden \"Mr. Hyde\" becomes our main task. THE BEST OF BILL, pp. 42-43 Regular attendance at meetings, serving and helping others is the recipe that many have tried and found to be successful. Whenever I stray from these basic principles, my old habits resurface and my old self also comes back with all its fears and defects. The ultimate goal of each A.A. member is permanent sobriety, achieved One Day at a Time. FEBRUARY 9 GETTING THE \"SPIRITUAL ANGLE\" How often do we sit in AA meetings and hear the speaker declare, \"But I haven't yet got the spiritual angle.\" Prior to this statement, he had described a miracle of transformation which had occurred in himnot only his release from alcohol, but a complete change in his whole attitude toward life and the living of it It is apparent to nearly everyone else present that he has received a great gift; \" . . . except that he doesn't seem to know it yet!\" W e well know that this questioning individual will tell us six months or a year hence that he has found faith in God. LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 275 A spiritual experience can be the realization that a life which once seemed empty and devoid of meaning is now joyous and full. In my life today, daily prayer and meditation, coupled with living the Twelve Steps, has brought about an inner peace and feeling of belonging which was missing when I was drinking. FEBRUARY 10 I DON'T RUN THE SHOW When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't What was our choice to be? ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 53 Today my choice is God. He is everything. For this I am truly grateful. When I think I am running the show I am blocking God from my life. I pray I can remember this when I allow myself to get caught up into self. The most important thing is that today I am willing to grow along spiritual lines, and that God is everything. When I was trying to quit drinking on my own, it never worked; with God and A.A., it is working. This seems to be a simple thought for a complicated alcoholic. FEBRUARY 11 THE LIMITS OF SELF-RELIANCE We asked ourselves why we had them [fears]. Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 68 All of my character defects separate me from God's will. When I ignore my association with Him I face the world and my alcoholism alone and must depend on self-reliance. I have never found security and happiness through self-will and the only result is a life of fear and discontent. God provides the path back to Him and to His gift of serenity and comfort. First, however, I must be willing to ac-knowledge my fears and understand their source and power over me. I frequently ask God to help me understand how I separate myself from Him. FEBRUARY 12 \"THE ROOT OF OUR TROUBLES\" Selfishnessself-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62 How amazing the revelation that the world, and everyone in it, can get along just fine with or without me. What a relief to know that people, places and things will be perfectly okay without my control and direction. And how wordlessly wonderful to come to believe that a power greater than me exists separate and apart from myself. I believe that the feeling of separation I experience between me and God will one day vanish. In the meantime, faith must serve as the pathway to the center of my life. FEBRUARY 13 WE CAN'T THINK OUR WAY SOBER To the intellectually self-sufficient man or woman, many A. A.'s can say, \" Ye s , we were like youfar too smart for our own good. . . . Secretly, we felt we could float above the rest of the folks on our brain power alone.\" AS BILL SEES IT, p. 60 Even the most brilliant mind is no defense against the disease of alcoholism. I can't think my way sober. I try to remember that intelligence is a God-given attribute that I may use, a joylike having a talent for dancing or drawing or carpentry. It does not make me better than anyone else, and it is not a particularly reliable tool for recovery, for it is a power greater than myself who will restore me to sanitynot a high IQ or a college degree. FEBRUARY 14 EXPECTATIONS vs. DEMANDS Burn the idea into the consciousness of ever, man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98 Dealing with expectations is a frequent topic at meetings. It isn't wrong to expect progress of myself, good things from life, or decent treatment from others. Where I get into trouble is when my expectations become demands. I will fall short of what I wish to be and situations will go in ways I do not like, because people will let me down sometimes. The only question is: \"What am I going to do about it?\" Wallow in self-pity or anger; retaliate and make a bad situation worse; or will I trust in God's power to bring blessings on the messes in which I find myself? Will I ask Him what I should be learning; do I keep on doing the right things I know how to do, no matter what; do I take time to share my faith and blessings with others? FEBRUARY 15 TAKING ACTION Are these extravagant promises? W e think not They are being fulfilled among ussometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 One of the most important things A.A. has given me, in addition to freedom from booze, is the ability to take \"right action.\" It says the promises will always materialize if I work for them. Fantasizing about them, debating them, preaching about them and faking them just won't work. I'll remain a miserable, rationalizing dry drunk. By taking action and working the Twelve Steps in all my affairs, I'll have a life beyond my wildest dreams. FEBRUARY 16 COMMITMENT Understanding is the key to right principles and attitudes, and right action is the key to good living. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 125 There came a time in my program of recovery when the third stanza of the Serenity Prayer\"The wisdom to know the difference\"became indelibly imprinted in my mind. From that time on, I had to face the ever-present knowledge that my every action, word and thought was within, or outside, the principles of the program. I could no longer hide behind self-rationalization, nor behind the insanity of my disease. The only course open to me, if I was to attain a joyous life for myself (and subsequently for those I love), was one in which I imposed on myself an effort of commitment, discipline, and responsibility. FEBRUARY 17 THE LOVE IN THEIR EYES Some of us won't believe in God, others can't, and still others who do believe that God exists have no faith whatever He will perform this miracle. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 25 It was the changes I saw in the new people who came into the Fellowship that helped me lose my fear, and change my negative attitude to a positive one. I could see the love in their eyes and I was impressed by how much their \"One Day at a Time\" sobriety meant to them. They had looked squarely at Step Two and came to believe that a power greater than themselves was restoring them to sanity. That gave me faith in the Fellowship, and hope that it could work for me too. I found that God was a loving God, not that punishing God I feared before coming to A.A. I also found that He had been with me during all those times I had been in trouble before I came to A.A. I know today that He was the one who led me to A.A. and that I am a miracle. FEBRUARY 18 OUR PATHS ARE OUR OWN . . . there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 25 My first attempt at the Steps was one of obligation and necessity, which resulted in a deep feeling of discouragement in the face of all those adverbs: courageously; completely; humbly; directly; and only. I considered Bill W. fortunate to have gone through such a major, even sensational, spiritual experience. I had to discover, as time went on, that my path was my own. After a few twenty-four hours in the A.A. Fellowship, thanks especially to the sharing of members in the meetings, I understood that everyone gradually finds his or her own pace in moving through the Steps. Through progressive means, I try to live according to these suggested principles. As a result of these Steps, I can say today that my attitude towards life, people, and towards anything having to do with God, has been transformed and improved. FEBRUARY 19 I'M NOT DIFFERENT In the beginning, it was four whole years before A. A. brought permanent sobriety to even one alcoholic woman. Like the \"high bottoms,\" the women said they were different; . . . The Skid-Rower said he was different . . . so did the artists and the professional people, the rich, the poor, the religious, the agnostic, the Indians and the Eskimos, the veterans, and the prisoners . . . nowadays all of these, and legions more, soberly talk about how very much alike all of us alcoholics are when we admit that the chips are finally down. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 24 I cannot consider myself \"different\" in A. A.; if I do I isolate myself from others and from contact with my Higher Power. If I feel isolated in A.A., it is not something for which others are responsible. It is something I've created by feeling I'm \"different\" in some way. Today I practice being just another alcoholic in the worldwide Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. FEBRUARY 20 THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER At this juncture, his A.A. sponsor usually laughs. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 26 Before my recovery from alcoholism began, laughter was one of the most painful sounds I knew. I never laughed and I felt that anyone else's laughter was directed at me! My self-pity and anger denied me the simplest of pleasures or lightness of heart. By the end of my drinking not even alcohol could provoke a drunken giggle in me. When my A.A. sponsor began to laugh and point out my self-pity and ego-feeding deceptions, I was annoyed and hurt, but it taught me to lighten up and focus on my recovery. I soon learned to laugh at myself and eventually I taught those I sponsor to laugh also. Every day I ask God to help me stop taking myself too seriously. FEBRUARY 21 I'M PART OF THE WHOLE At once, I became a partif only a tiny partof a cosmos. . . . AS BILL SEES IT, p. 225 When I first came to A.A., I decided that \"they\" were very nice peopleperhaps a little naive, a little too friendly, but basically decent, earnest people (with whom I had nothing in common). I saw \"them\" at meetingsafter all, that was where \"they\" existed. I shook hands with \"them\" and, when I went out the door, I forgot about \"them.\" Then one day my Higher Power, whom I did not then believe in, arranged to create a community project outside of A.A., but one which happened to involve many A.A. members. We worked together, I got to know \"them\" as people. I came to admire \"them,\" even to like \"them\" and, in spite of myself, to enjoy \"them.\" \"Their\" practice of the program in their daily livesnot just in talk at meetings attracted me and I wanted what they had. Suddenly the \"they\" became \"we.\" I have not had a drink since. FEBRUARY 22 GUIDANCE . . . this means a belief in a Creator who is all power, justice, and love; a God who intends for me a purpose, a meaning, and a destiny to grow, however . . . haltingly, toward His own likeness and image. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 51 As I began to understand my own powerlessness and my dependence on God, as I understand Him, I began to see that there was a life which, if I could have it, I would have chosen for myself from the beginning. It is through the continuing work of the Steps and the life in the Fellowship that I've learned to see that there is truly a better way into which I am being guided. As I come to know more about God, I am able to trust His ways and His plans for the development of His character in me. Quickly or not so quickly, I grow toward His own image and likeness. FEBRUARY 23 MYSTERIOUS PARADOXES Such is the paradox of A.A. regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, the loss of one's old life as a condition for finding a new one. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 46 What glorious mysteries paradoxes are! They do not compute, yet when recognized and accepted, they reaffirm something in the universe beyond human logic. When I face a fear, I am given courage; when I support a brother or sister, my capacity to love myself is increased; when I accept pain as part of the growing experience of life, I realize a greater happiness; when I look at my dark side, I am brought into new light; when I accept my vulnera-bilities and surrender to a Higher Power, I am graced with unforeseen strength. I stumbled through the doors of A.A. in disgrace, expecting nothing from life, and I have been given hope and dignity. Miraculously, the only way to keep the gifts of the program is to pass them on. FEBRUARY 24 A THANKFUL HEART / try to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37 My sponsor told me that I should be a grateful alcoholic and always have \"an attitude of gratitude\"that gratitude was the basic ingredient of humility, that humility was the basic ingredient of anonymity and that \"anonymity was the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.\" As a result of this guidance, I start every morning on my knees, thanking God for three things: I'm alive, I'm sober, and I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Then I try to live an \"attitude of gratitude\" and thoroughly enjoy another twenty-four hours of the A.A. way of life. A.A. is not something I joined; it's something I live. FEBRUARY 25 THE CHALLENGE OF FAILURE In God's economy, nothing is wasted. Through failure, we learn a lesson in humility which is probably needed, painful though it is. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 31 How thankful I am today, to know that all my past failures were necessary for me to be where I am now. Through much pain came experience and, in suffering, I became obedient. When I sought God, as I understand Him, He shared His treasured gifts. Through experience and obedience, growth started, followed by gratitude. Yes, then came peace of mindliving in and sharing sobriety. FEBRUARY 26 NO ORDINARY SUCCESS STORY A.A. is no success story in the ordinary sense of the word. It is a story of suffering transmuted, under grace, into spiritual progress. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 35 Upon entering A.A. I listened to others talk about the reality of their drinking: loneliness, terror and pain. As I listened further, I soon heard a description of a very different kindthe reality of sobriety. It is a reality of freedom and happiness, of purpose and direction, and of serenity and peace with God, ourselves and others. By attending meetings I am reintroduced to that reality, over and over. I see it in the eyes and hear it in the voices of those around me. By working the program I find the direction and strength with which to make it mine. The joy of A.A. is that this new reality is available to me. FEBRUARY 27 A UNIQUE STABILITY Where does A.A. get its direction? . . . These practical folk then read Tradition Two, and learn that the sole authority in A.A. is a loving God as He may express Himself in the group conscience. . . . The elder statesman is the one who sees the wisdom of the group's decision, who holds no resentment over his reduced status, whose judgment, fortified by considerable experience, is sound, and who is willing to sit quietly on the sidelines patiently awaiting developments TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 132, 135 Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions. As my recovery progressed, I realized that the new mantle was tailor-made for me. The elders of the group gently offered suggestions when change seemed impossible. Everyone's shared experiences became the substance for treasured friendships. I know that the Fellowship is ready and equipped to aid each suffering alcoholic at all crossroads in life. In a world beset by many problems, I find this assurance a unique stability. I cherish the gift of sobriety. I offer God my gratitude for the strength I receive in a Fellowship that truly exists for the good of all members. FEBRUARY 28 WHAT? NO PRESIDENT? When told that our Society has no president having authority to govern it, no treasurer who can compel the payment of any dues, . . . our friends gasp and exclaim, \"This simply can't be. . . .\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 132 When I finally made my way to A.A., I could not believe that there was no treasurer to \"compel the payment of dues.\" I could not imagine an organization that didn't require monetary contributions in return for a service. It was my first and, thus far, only experience with getting \"something for nothing.\" Because I did not feel used or conned by those in A.A., I was able to approach the program free from bias and with an open mind. They wanted nothing from me. What could I lose? I thank God for the wisdom of the early founders who knew so well the alcoholic's disdain for being manipulated. FEBRUARY 29 ONE A.A. MIRACLE Slave for a few brief moments of temptation the thought of drink has never returned; and at such times a great revulsion has risen up in him. Seemingly he could not drink even if he would. God had restored his sanity. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 57 The word \"God\" was frightening to me when I first saw it associated with A.A.'s Twelve Steps. Having tried all the means I could to stop drinking, I found that it was not possible for me to sustain that desire over a period of time. Yet, how could I believe in a \"God\" that had allowed me to sink to the deep despair that engulfed mewhether drinking or dry? The answer was in finally admitting that it might be possible for me to know the mercy of a Power greater than myself who could grant me sobriety contingent on my willingness to \"come to believe.\" By finally admitting that I was one among many, and by following the example of my sponsor and other A.A. members in practicing faith I did not have, my life has been given meaning, direction and purpose.  MARCH 1 IT WORKS It worksit really does. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 88 When I got sober I initially had faith only in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Desperation and fear kept me sober (and maybe a caring and/or tough sponsor helped!). Faith in a Higher Power came much later. This faith came slowly at first, after I began listening to others share at meetings about their experiencesexperiences that I had never faced sober, but that they were facing with strength from a Higher Power. Out of their sharing came hope that I too wouldand could\"get\" a Higher Power. In time, I learned that a Higher Powera faith that works under all conditionsis possible. Today this faith, plus the honesty, open-mindedness and willingness to work the Steps of the program, gives me the serenity that I seek. It worksit really does. MARCH 2 HOPE Do not be discouraged. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 60 Few experiences are of less value to me than fast sobriety. Too many times discouragement has been the bonus for unrealistic expectations, not to mention self-pity or fatigue from my wanting to change the world by the weekend. Discouragement is a warning signal that I may have wandered across the God line. The secret of fulfilling my potential is in acknowledging my limitations and believing that time is a gift, not a threat. Hope is the key that unlocks the door of discouragement. The program promises me that if I do not pick up the first drink today, I will always have hope. Having come to believe that I keep what I share, every time I encourage, I receive courage. It is with others that, with the grace of God and the Fellowship of A.A., I trudge the road of happy destiny. May I always remember that the power within me is far greater than any fear before me. May I always have patience, for I am on the right road. MARCH 3 OVERCOMING SELF-WILL So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. W e must, or it kills us! ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62 For so many years my life revolved solely around myself. I was consumed with self in all formsself-centeredness, self-pity, self-seeking, all of which stemmed from pride. Today I have been given the gift, through the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, of practicing the Steps and Traditions in my daily life, of my group and sponsor, and the capacityif I so chooseto put my pride aside in all situations which arise in my life. Until I could honestly look at myself and see that I was the problem in many situations and react appropriately inside and out; until I could discard my expectations and understand that my serenity was directly proportional to them, I could not experience serenity and sound sobriety. MARCH 4 WEEDING THE GARDEN The essence of all growth is a willingness to make a change for the better and then an unremitting willingness to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 115 By the time I had reached Step Three I had been freed of my dependence on alcohol, but bitter experience has shown me that continuous sobriety requires continuous effort. Every now and then I pause to take a good look at my progress. More and more of my garden is weeded each time I look, but each time I also find new weeds sprouting where I thought I had made my final pass with the blade. As I head back to get the newly sprouted weed (it's easier when they are young), I take a moment to admire how lush the growing vegetables and flowers are, and my labors are rewarded. My sobriety grows and bears fruit. MARCH 5 A LIFELONG TASK \"But just how, in these circumstances, does a fellow 'take it easy?' That's what I want to know.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 26 I was never known for my patience. How many times have I asked, \"Why should I wait, when I can have it all right now?\" Indeed, when I was first presented the Twelve Steps, I was like the proverbial \"kid in a candy store.\" I couldn't wait to get to Step Twelve; it was surely just a few months' work, or so I thought! I realize now that living the Twelve Steps of A.A. is a lifelong undertaking. MARCH 6 THE IDEA OF FAITH Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 47 The idea of faith is a very large chunk to swallow when fear, doubt and anger abound in and around me. Sometimes just the idea of doing something different, something I am not accustomed to doing, can eventually become an act of faith if I do it regularly, and do it without debating whether it's the right thing to do. When a bad day comes along and everything is going wrong, a meeting or a talk with another drunk often distracts me just enough to persuade me that everything is not quite as impossible, as overwhelming as I had thought. In the same way, going to a meeting or talking to a fellow alcoholic are acts of faith; I believe I'm arresting my disease. These are ways I slowly move toward faith in a Higher Power. MARCH 7 THE KEY IS WILLINGNESS Once we have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightly open, we find that we can always open it some more. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 35 The willingness to give up my pride and self-will to a Power greater than myself has proved to be the only ingredient absolutely necessary to solve all of my problems today. Even the smallest amount of willingness, if sincere, is sufficient to allow God to enter and take control over any problem, pain, or obsession. My level of comfort is in direct relation to the degree of willingness I possess at any given moment to give up my self-will, and allow God's will to be manifested in my life. With the key of willingness, my worries and fears are powerfully transformed into serenity. MARCH 8 TURNING IT OVER Every man and woman who has joined A.A. and intends to stick has, without realizing it, made a beginning on Step Three. Isn't it true that in all matters touching upon alcohol, each of them has decided to turn his or her life over to the care, protection, and guidance of Alcoholics Anonymous? . . . Any willing newcomer feels sure A.A. is the only safe harbor for the foundering vessel he has become. Now if this is not turning one's will and life over to a newfound Providence, then what is it? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 35 Submission to God was the first step to my recovery. I believe our Fellowship seeks a spirituality open to a new kinship with God. As I exert myself to follow the path of the Steps, I sense a freedom that gives me the ability to think for myself. My addiction confined me without any release and hindered my ability to be released from my self-confinement, but A.A. assures me of a way to go forward. Mutual sharing, concern and caring for others is our natural gift to each other and mine is strengthened as my attitude toward God changes. I learn to submit to God's will in my life, to have self-respect, and to keep both of these attitudes by giving away what I receive. MARCH 9 SURRENDERING SELF-WILL Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 34 No matter how much one wishes to try, exactly how can one turn his own will and his own life over to the care of whatever God he thinks there is? In my search for the answer to this question, I became aware of the wisdom with which it was written: that this is a two-part Step. I could see many times where I should have died, or at least been injured, during my previous style of living, and it never happened. Someone, or something, was looking after me. I choose to believe my life has always been in God's care. He alone controls the number of days I will be granted until physical death. The matter of will (self-will or God's will) is the more difficult part of the Step for me. It is only when I have experienced enough emotional pain, through failed attempts to fix myself, that I become willing to surrender to God's will for my life. Surrender is like the calm after the storm. When my will is in line with God's will for me, there is peace within. MARCH 10 TODAY, IT'S MY CHOICE . . . we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62 With the realization and acceptance that I had played a part in the way my life had turned out came a dramatic change in my outlook. It was at this point that the A.A. program began to work for me. In the past I had always blamed others, either God or other people, for my circumstances. I never felt that I had a choice in altering my life. My deci-sions had been based on fear, pride, or ego. As a result, those decisions led me down a path of self-destruction. Today I try to allow my God to guide me on the road to sanity. I am responsible for my actionor inactionwhatever the consequences may be. MARCH 11 GOOD ORDERLY DIRECTION It is when we try to make our will conform with God's that we begin to use it rightly. T o all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God's intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 40 All I have to do is look back at my past to see where my self-will has led me. I just don't know what's best for me and I believe my Higher Power does. G.O.D., which I define as \"Good Orderly Direction,\" has never let me down, but I have let myself down quite often. Using my self-will in a situation usually has the same result as forcing the wrong piece into a jigsaw puzzleexhaustion and frustration. Step Three opens the door to the rest of the program. When I ask God for guidance I know that whatever happens is the best possible situation, things are exactly as they are supposed to be, even if they aren't what I want or expect. God does do for me what I cannot do for myself, if I let Him. MARCH 12 A DAY'S PLAN On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. W e consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86 Every day I ask God to kindle within me the fire of His love, so that love, burning bright and clear, will illuminate my thinking and permit me to better do His will. Throughout the day, as I allow outside circumstances to dampen my spirits, I ask God to sear my consciousness with the awareness that I can start my day over any time I choose; a hundred times, if necessary. MARCH 13 A WORLD OF THE SPIRIT We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 The word \"entered\" . . . and the phrase \"entered into the world of the Spirit\" are very significant. They imply action, a beginning, getting into, a prerequisite to maintaining my spiritual growth, the \"Spirit\" being the immaterial part of me. Barriers to my spiritual growth are self-centeredness and a materialistic focus on worldly things. Spirituality means devotion to spiritual instead of worldly things, it means obedience to God's will for me. I understand spiritual things to be: unconditional love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control and humility. Any time I allow selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear to be a part of me, I block out spiritual things. As I maintain my sobriety, growing spiritually becomes a lifelong process. My goal is spiritual growth, accepting that I'll never have spiritual perfection. MARCH 14 THE KEYSTONE He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62 A keystone is the wedge-shaped piece at the highest part of an arch that locks the other pieces in place. The \"other pieces\" are Steps One, Two, and Four through Twelve. In one sense this sounds like Step Three is the most important Step, that the other eleven depend on the third for support. In reality however, Step Three is just one of twelve. It is the keystone, but without eleven other stones to build the base and arms, keystone or not, there will be no arch. Through daily working of all Twelve Steps, I find that triumphant arch waiting for me to pass through to another day of freedom. MARCH 15 THE GOD IDEA When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not work. But the God idea did. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 52 Like a blind man gradually being restored to sight, I slowly groped my way to the Third Step. Having realized that only a Power greater than myself could rescue me from the hopeless abyss I was in, I knew that this was a Power that I had to grasp, and that it would be my anchor in the midst of a sea of woes. Even though my faith at that time was mi-nuscule, it was big enough to make me see that it was time for me to discard my reliance on my prideful ego and replace it with the steadying strength that could only come from a Power far greater than myself. MARCH 16 AS WE UNDERSTAND HIM My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. . . . \"Why don't you choose your own conception of God?\" That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years I stood in the sunlight at last. It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 12 I remember the times I looked up into the sky and reflected on who started it all, and how. When I came to A.A., an understanding of some description of the spiritual dimension became a necessary adjunct to a stable sobriety. After reading a variety of versions, including the scientific, of a great explosion, I went for simplicity and made the God of my understanding the Great Power that made the explosion possible. With the vastness of the universe under His command, He would, no doubt, be able to guide my thinking and actions if I was prepared to accept His guidance. But I could not expect help if I turned my back on that help and went my own way. I became willing to believe and I have had 26 years of stable and satisfying sobriety. MARCH 17 MYSTERIOUS WAYS . . . out of every season of grief or suffering when the hand of God seemed heavy or even unjust, new lessons for living were learned, new resources of courage were uncovered, and that finally, inescapably, the conviction came that God does \"move in a mysterious way His wonders to perform.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105 After losing my career, family and health, I remained unconvinced that my way of life needed a second look. My drinking and other drug use were killing me, but I had never met a recovering person or an A.A. member. I thought I was destined to die alone and that I deserved it. At the peak of my despair, my infant son became critically ill with a rare disease. Doctors' efforts to help him proved useless. I redoubled my efforts to block my feelings, but now the alcohol had stopped working. I was left staring into God's eyes, begging for help. My introduction to A.A. came within days, through an odd series of coincidences, and I have remained sober ever since. My son lived and his disease is in remission. The entire episode convinced me of my powerlessness and the unmanageability of my life. Today my son and I thank God for His intervention. MARCH 18 REAL INDEPENDENCE The more we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more independent we actually are. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 36 I start with a little willingness to trust God and He causes that willingness to grow. The more willingness I have, the more trust I gain, and the more trust I gain, the more willingness I have. My dependence on God grows as my trust in Him grows. Before I became willing, I depended on myself for all my needs and I was restricted by my incom-pleteness. Through my willingness to depend upon my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God, all my needs are provided for by Someone Who knows me better than I know myselfeven the needs I may not realize, as well as the ones yet to come. Only Someone Who knows me that well could bring me to be myself and to help me fill the need in someone else that only I am meant to fill. There never will be another exactly like me. And that is real independence. MARCH 19 PRAYER: IT WORKS It has been well said that \"almost the only scoffers at prayer are those who never tried it enough.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 97 Having grown up in an agnostic household, I felt somewhat foolish when I first tried praying. I knew there was a Higher Power working in my lifehow else was I staying sober?but I certainly wasn't convinced he/she/it wanted to hear my prayers. People who had what I wanted said prayer was an important part of practicing the program, so I persevered. With a commitment to daily prayer, I was amazed to find myself becoming more serene and comfortable with my place in the world. In other words, life became easier and less of a struggle. I'm still not sure who, or what, listens to my prayers, but I'd never stop saying them for the simple reason that they work. MARCH 20 LOVE AND TOLERANCE Love and tolerance of others is our code. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 I have found that I have to forgive others in all situations to maintain any real spiritual progress. The vital importance of forgiving may not be obvious to me at first sight, but my studies tell me that every great spiritual teacher has insisted strongly upon it. I must forgive injuries, not just in words, or as a matter of form, but in my heart. I do this not for the other persons' sake, but for my own sake. Resentment, anger, or a desire to see someone punished, are things that rot my soul. Such things fasten my troubles to me with chains. They tie me to other problems that have nothing to do with my original problem. MARCH 21 MATERIAL AND SPIRITUAL WELL-BEING Fear . . . of economic insecurity will leave us. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 Having fear reduced or eliminated and having economic circumstances improve, are two different things. When I was new in A.A., I had those two ideas confused. I thought fear would leave me only when I started making money. However, another line from the Big Book jumped off the page one day when I was chewing on my financial difficulties: \"For us, material well-being always followed spiritual progress; it never preceded.\" (p. 127). I suddenly understood that this promise was a guarantee. I saw that it put priorities in the correct order, that spiritual progress would diminish that terrible fear of being destitute, just as it diminished many other fears. Today I try to use the talents God gave me to benefit others. I've found that is what others valued all along. I try to remember that I no longer work for myself. I only get the use of the wealth God created, I never have \"owned\" it. My life's purpose is much clearer when I just work to help, not to possess. MARCH 22 NO MORE STRUGGLE. . . And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alcohol. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 When A.A. found me, I thought I was in for a struggle, and that A.A. might provide the strength I needed to beat alcohol. Victorious in that fight, who knows what other battles I could win. I would need to be strong, though. All my previous experience with life proved that. Today I do not have to struggle or exert my will. If I take those Twelve Steps and let my Higher Power do the real work, my alcohol problem disappears all by itself. My living problems also cease to be struggles. I just have to ask whether acceptanceor changeis required. It is not my will, but His, that needs doing. MARCH 23 . . . AND NO MORE RESERVATIONS We have seen the truth again and again: \"Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.\". . . If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol. . . . To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time nor take the quantities some of us have. This is particularly true of women. Potential female al-coholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 33 These words are underlined in my book. They are true for men and women alcoholics. On many occasions I've turned to this page and reflected on this passage. I need never fool myself by recalling my sometimes differing drinking patterns, or by believing I am \"cured.\" I like to think that, if sobriety is God's gift to me, then my sober life is my gift to God. I hope God is as happy with His gift as I am with mine. MARCH 24 ACTIVE, NOT PASSIVE Man is supposed to think, and act He wasn't made in God's image to be an automaton. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 55 Before I joined A.A., I often did not think, and reacted to people and situations. When not reacting I acted in a mechanical fashion. After joining A. A., I started seeking daily guidance from a Power greater than myself, and learning to listen for that guidance. Then I began to make decisions and act on them, rather than react to them. The results have been constructive; I no longer allow others to make decisions for me and then criticize me for it. Todayand every daywith a heart full of gratitude, and a desire for God's will to be done through me, my life is worth sharing, especially with my fellow alcoholics! Above all, if I do not make a religion out of anything, even A.A., then I can be an open channel for God's expression. MARCH 25 A FULL AND THANKFUL HEART / try hard to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37 I believe that we in Alcoholics Anonymous are fortunate in that we are constantly reminded of the need to be grateful and of how important gratitude is to our sobriety. I am truly grateful for the sobriety God has given me through the A.A. program and am glad I can give back what was given to me freely. I am grateful not only for sobriety, but for the quality of life my sobriety has brought. God has been gracious enough to give me sober days and a life blessed with peace and contentment, as well as the ability to give and receive love, and the opportunity to serve othersin our Fellowship, my family and my community. For all of this, I have \"a full and thankful heart.\" MARCH 26 THE TEACHING IS NEVER OVER Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past Give freely of what you find and join us. W e shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep youuntil then. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164 These words put a lump in my throat each time I read them. In the beginning it was because I felt, \"Oh no! The teaching is over. Now I'm on my own. It will never be this new again.\" Today I feel deep affection for our A.A. pioneers when I read this passage, realizing that it sums up all of what I believe in, and strive for, and thatwith God's blessingthe teaching is never over, I'm never on my own, and every day is brand new. MARCH 27 A.A.'s FREEDOMS We trust that we already know what our several freedoms truly are; that no future generation of AAs will ever feel compelled to limit them. Our AA freedoms create the soil in which genuine love can grow. . . . LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 303 I craved freedom. First, freedom to drink; later, freedom from drink. The A.A. program of recovery rests on a foundation of free choice. There are no mandates, laws or commandments. A.A.'s spiritual program, as outlined in the Twelve Steps, and by which I am offered even greater freedoms, is only suggested. I can take it or leave it. Sponsorship is offered, not forced, and I come and go as I will. It is these and other freedoms that allow me to recap-ture the dignity that was crushed by the burden of drink, and which is so dearly needed to support an enduring sobriety. MARCH 28 EQUALITY Our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend upon money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 565 Prior to A.A., I often felt that I didn't \"fit in\" with the people around me. Usually \"they\" had more/ less money than I did, and my points of view didn't jibe with \"theirs.\" The amount of prejudice I had experienced in society only proved to me just how phony some self-righteous people were. After joining A. A., I found the way of life I had been searching for. In A.A. no member is better than any other member; we're just alcoholics trying to recover from alcoholism. MARCH 29 TRUSTED SERVANTS They are servants. Theirs is the sometimes thankless privilege of doing the group's chores TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 134 In Zorba the Greek, Nikos Kazantzakis describes an encounter between his principal character and an old man busily at work planting a tree. \"What is it you are doing?\" Zorba asks. The old man replies: \"You can see very well what I'm doing, my son, I'm planting a tree.\" \"But why plant a tree,\" Zorba asks, \"if you won't be able to see it bear fruit?\" And the old man answers: \"I, my son, live as though I were never going to die.\" The response brings a faint smile to Zorba's lips and, as he walks away, he exclaims with a note of irony: \"How strangeI live as though I were going to die tomorrow!\" As a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have found that the Third Legacy is a fertile soil in which to plant the tree of my sobriety. The fruits I harvest are wonderful: peace, security, understanding and twenty-four hours of eternal fulfillment; and with the soundness of mind to listen to the voice of my conscience when, in silence, it gently speaks to me, saying: You must let go in service. There are others who must plant and harvest. MARCH 30 OUR GROUP CONSCIENCE \". . . sometimes the good is the enemy of the best\" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS COMES OF AGE P- 101 I think these words apply to every area of A.A.'s Three Legacies: Recovery, Unity and Service! I want them etched in my mind and life as I \"trudge the Road of Happy Destiny\" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 164). These words, often spoken by co-founder Bill W., were appropriately said to him as the result of the group's conscience. It brought home to Bill W. the essence of our Second Tradi-tion: \"Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.\" Just as Bill W. was originally urged to remember, I think that in our group discussions we should never settle for the \"good,\" but always strive to attain the \"best.\" These common strivings are yet another example of a loving God, as we understand Him, expressing Himself through the group conscience. Experiences such as these help me to stay on the proper path of recovery. I learn to combine initiative with humility, responsibility with thankfulness, and thus relish the joys of living my twenty-four hour program. MARCH 31 NO ONE DENIED ME LOVE On the A. A. calendar it was Year Two. . . . A newcomer appeared at one of these groups. . . . He soon proved that his was a desperate case, and that above all he wanted to get well . . . [He said], \"Since I am the victim of another addiction even worse stigmatized than alcoholism, you may not want me among you.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 141-42 I came to youa wife, mother, woman who had walked out on her husband, children, family. I was a drunk, a pill-head, a nothing. Yet no one denied me love, caring, a sense of belonging. Today, by God's grace and the love of a good sponsor and a home group, I can say thatthrough you in Alcoholics AnonymousI am a wife, a mother, a grandmother and a woman. Sober. Free of pills. Re-sponsible. Without a Higher Power I found in the Fellowship, my life would be meaningless. I am full of gratitude to be a member of good standing in Alcoholics Anonymous.  APRIL 1 LOOKING WITHIN Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 42 Step Four is the vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what the liabilities in each of us have been, and are. I want to find exactly how, when, and where my natural desires have warped me. I wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and myself. By discovering what my emotional deformities are, I can move toward their cor-rection. Without a willing and persistent effort to do this, there can be little sobriety or contentment for me. To resolve ambivalent feelings, I need to feel a strong and helpful sense of myself. Such an awareness doesn't happen overnight, and no one's self-awareness is permanent. Everyone has the capacity for growth, and for self-awareness, through an honest encounter with reality. When I don't avoid issues but meet them directly, always trying to resolve them, they become fewer and fewer. APRIL 2 CHARACTER BUILDING Demands made upon other people for too much attention, protection, and love can only invite domination or revulsion. . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 44 When I uncovered my need for approval in the Fourth Step, I didn't think it should rank as a character defect. I wanted to think of it more as an asset (that is, the desire to please people). It was quickly pointed out to me that this \"need\" can be very crippling. Today I still enjoy getting the approval of others, but I am not willing to pay the price I used to pay to get it. I will not bend myself into a pretzel to get others to like me. If I get your approval, that's fine; but if I don't, I will survive without it. I am responsible for speaking what I perceive to be the truth, not what I think others may want to hear. Similarly, my false pride always kept me overly concerned about my reputation. Since being enlightened in the A.A. program, my aim is to improve my character. APRIL 3 ACCEPTING OUR HUMANNESS W e finally saw that the inventory should be ours, not the other man's So we admitted our wrongs honestly and became willing to set these matters straight. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 222 Why is it that the alcoholic is so unwilling to accept responsibility? I used to drink because of the things that other people did to me. Once I came to A.A. I was told to look at where I had been wrong. What did I have to do with all these different matters? When I simply accepted that I had a part in them, I was able to put it on paper and see it for what it was humanness. I am not expected to be perfect! I have made errors before and I will make them again. To be honest about them allows me to accept themand myselfand those with whom I had the differences; from there, recovery is just a short distance ahead. APRIL 4 CRYING FOR THE MOON \"This very real feeling of inferiority is magnified by his childish sensitivity and it is this state of affairs which generates in him that insatiable, abnormal craving for self-approval and success in the eyes of the world. Still a child, he cries for the moon. And the moon, it seems, won't have him!\" LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 102 While drinking I seemed to vacillate between feeling totally invisible and believing I was the center of the universe. Searching for that elusive balance between the two has become a major part of my recovery. The moon I constantly cried for is, in sobriety, rarely full; it shows me instead its many other phases, and there are lessons in them all. True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer. APRIL 5 TRUE BROTHERHOOD We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 53 This message contained in Step Four was the first one I heard loud and clear; I hadn't seen myself in print before! Prior to my coining into A.A., I knew of no place that could teach me how to become a person among persons. From my very first meeting, I saw people doing just that and I wanted what they had. One of the reasons that I'm a happy, sober alcoholic today is that I'm learning this most important lesson. APRIL 6 A LIFETIME PROCESS We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people. . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 52 These words remind me that I have more problems than alcohol, that alcohol is only a symptom of a more pervasive disease. When I stopped drinking I began a lifetime process of recovery from unruly emotions, painful relationships, and unmanageable situations. This process is too much for most of us without help from a Higher Power and our friends in the Fellowship. When I began working the Steps of the A.A. program, many of these tangled threads unraveled but, little by little, the most broken places of my life straightened out. One day at a time, almost imperceptibly, I healed. Like a thermostat being turned down, my fears diminished. I began to experience moments of contentment. My emotions became less volatile. I am now once again a part of the human family. APRIL 7 A WIDE ARC OF GRATITUDE And, speaking for Dr. Bob and myself, I gratefully declare that had it not been for our wives, Anne and Lois, neither of us could have lived to see A.A.'s beginning. THE A.A. WAY OF LIFE, p. 67 Am I capable of such generous tribute and gratitude to my wife, parents and friends, without whose support I might never have survived to reach A.A.'s doors? I will work on this and try to see the plan my Higher Power is showing me which links our lives together. APRIL 8 AN INSIDE LOOK We want to find exactly how, when, and where our natural desires have warped us W e wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and ourselves By discovering what our emotional deformities are, we can move toward their correction. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 43 Today I am no longer a slave to alcohol, yet in so many ways enslavement still threatensmy self, my desires, even my dreams. Yet without dreams I cannot exist; without dreams there is nothing to keep me moving forward. I must look inside myself, to free myself. I must call upon God's power to face the person I've feared the most, the true me, the person God created me to be. Unless I can or until I do, I will always be running, and never be truly free. I ask God daily to show me such a freedom! APRIL 9 FREEDOM FROM \"KING ALCOHOL\" . . . let us not suppose even for an instant that we are not under constraint. . . . Our former tyrant, King Alcohol, always stands ready again to clutch us to him Therefore, freedom from alcohol is the great \"must\" that has to be achieved, else we go mad or die. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 134 When drinking, I lived in spiritual, emotional, and sometimes, physical confinement. I had constructed my prison with bars of self-will and self-indulgence, from which I could not escape. Occasional dry spells that seemed to promise freedom would turn out to be little more than hopes of a reprieve. True escape required a willingness to follow whatever right actions were needed to turn the lock. With that willingness and action, both the lock and the bars themselves opened for me. Continued willingness and action keep me freein a kind of extended daily probationthat need never end. APRIL 10 GROWING UP The essence of all growth is a willingness to change for the better and then an unremitting willingness to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 115 Sometimes when I've become willing to do what I should have been doing all along, I want praise and recognition. I don't realize that the more I'm willing to act differently, the more exciting my life is. The more I am willing to help others, the more rewards I receive. That's what practicing the principles means to me. Fun and benefits for me are in the willingness to do the actions, not to get immediate results. Being a little kinder, a little slower to anger, a little more loving makes my life better day by day. APRIL 11 A WORD TO DROP: \"BLAME\" To see how erratic emotions victimized us often took a long time. W e could perceive them quickly in others, but only slowly in ourselves First of all, we had to admit that we had many of these defects, even though such disclosures were painful and humiliating. Where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word \"blame\" from our speech and thought TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 47 When I did my Fourth Step, following the Big Book guidelines, I noticed that my grudge list was filled with my prejudices and my blaming others for my not being able to succeed and to live up to my potential. I also discovered I felt different because I was black. As I continued to work on the Step, I learned that I always had drunk to rid myself of those feelings. It was only when I sobered up and worked on my inventory, that I could no longer blame anyone. APRIL 12 GIVING UP INSANITY . . . where alcohol has been involved, we have been strangely insane. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 38 Alcoholism required me to drink, whether I wanted to or not. Insanity dominated my life and was the essence of my disease. It robbed me of the freedom of choice over drinking and, therefore, robbed me of all other choices. When I drank, I was unable to make effective choices in any part of my life and life became unmanageable. I ask God to help me understand and accept the full meaning of the disease of alcoholism. APRIL 13 THE FALSE COMFORT OF SELF-PITY Self-pity is one of the most unhappy and consuming defects that we know. It is a bar to all spiritual progress and can cut off all effective communication with our fellows because of its inordinate demands for attention and sympathy. It is a maudlin form of martyrdom, which we can ill afford. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 238 The false comfort of self-pity screens me from reality only momentarily and then demands, like a drug, that I take an ever bigger dose. If I succumb to this it could lead to a relapse into drinking. What can I do? One certain antidote is to turn my attention, however slightly at first, toward others who are genuinely less fortunate than I, preferably other alcoholics. In the same degree that I actively demonstrate my empathy with them, I will lessen my own exaggerated suffering. APRIL 14 THE \"NUMBER ONE OFFENDER\" Resentment is the \"number one\" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 64 As I look at myself practicing the Fourth Step, it is easy to gloss over the wrong that I have done, because I can easily see it as a question of \"getting even\" for a wrong done to me. If I continue to relive my old hurt, it is a resentment and resentment bars the sunlight from my soul. If I continue o relive hurts and hates, I will hurt and hate myself. After years in the dark of resentments, I have bund the sunlight. I must let go of resentments; I cannot afford them. APRIL 15 THE BONDAGE OF RESENTMENTS . . . harboring resentment is infinitely grave. For then we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 5 It has been said, \"Anger is a luxury I cannot afford.\" Does this suggest I ignore this human emotion? I believe not. Before I learned of the A.A. program, I was a slave to the behavior patterns of alcoholism. I was chained to negativity, with no hope of cutting loose. The Steps offered me an alternative. Step Four was the beginning of the end of my bondage. The process of \"letting go\" started with an inventory. I needed not be frightened, for the previous Steps assured me I was not alone. My Higher Power led me to this door and gave me the gift of choice. Today I can choose to open the door to freedom and rejoice in the sunlight of the Steps, as they cleanse the spirit within me. APRIL 16 ANGER: A \"DUBIOUS LUXURY\" If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of the normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 66 \"Dubious luxury.\" How often have I remembered those words. It's not just anger that's best left to nonalcoholics; I built a list including justifiable resentment, self-pity, judgmentalism, self-righteousness, false pride and false humility. I'm always surprised to read the actual quote. So well have the principles of the program been drummed into me that I keep thinking all of these defects are listed too. Thank God I can't afford themor I surely would indulge in them. APRIL 17 LOVE AND FEAR AS OPPOSITES All these failings generate fear, a soul-sickness in its own right. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 49 \"Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was there.\" I don't know to whom this quote should be attributed, but it certainly indicates very clearly that fear is an illusion. I create the illusion myself. I experienced fear early in my life and I mistakenly thought that the mere presence of it made me a coward. I didn't know that one of the definitions of \"courage\" is \"the willingness to do the right thing in spite of fear.\" Courage, then, is not necessarily the absence of fear. During the times I didn't have love in my life I most assuredly had fear. To fear God is to be afraid of joy. In looking back, I realize that, during the times I feared God most, there was no joy in my life. As I learned not to fear God, I also learned to experience joy. APRIL 18 SELF-HONESTY The deception of others is nearly always rooted in the deception of ourselves. . . . When we are honest with another person, it confirms that we have been honest with ourselves and with God. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 17 When I was drinking, I deceived myself about reality, rewriting it to what I wanted it to be. Deceiving others is a character defecteven if it is just stretching the truth a bit or cleaning up my motives so others would think well of me. My Higher Power can remove this character defect, but first I have to help myself become willing to receive that help by not practicing deception. I need to remember each day that deceiving myself about myself is setting myself up for failure or disappointment in life and in Alcoholics Anonymous. A close, honest relationship with a Higher Power is the only solid foundation I've found for honesty with self and with others. APRIL 19 BROTHERS IN OUR DEFECTS We recovered alcoholics are not so much brothers in virtue as we are brothers in our defects, and in our common strivings to overcome them AS BILL SEES IT, p. 167 The identification that one alcoholic has with another is mysterious, spiritualalmost incomprehensible. But it is there. I \"feel\" it. Today I feel that I can help people and that they can help me. It is a new and exciting feeling for me to care for someone; to care what they are feeling, hoping for, praying for; to know their sadness, joy, horror, sorrow, grief; to want to share those feelings so that someone can have relief. I never knew how to do thisor how to try. I never even cared. The Fellowship of A.A., and God, are teaching me how to care about others. APRIL 20 SELF-EXAMINATION . . . we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86 When said sincerely, this prayer teaches me to be truly unselfish and humble, for even in doing good deeds I often used to seek approval and glory for myself. By examining my motives in all that I do, I can be of service to God and others, helping them do what they want to do. When I put God in charge of my thinking, much needless worry is eliminated and I believe He guides me throughout the day. When I eliminate thoughts of self-pity, dishonesty and self-centeredness as soon as they enter my mind, I find peace with God, my neighbor and myself. APRIL 21 CULTIVATING FAITH \"I don't think we can do anything very well in this world unless we practice it And I don't believe we do A.A. too well unless we practice it. . . . W e should practice . . . acquiring the spirit of service. W e should attempt to acquire some faith, which isn't easily done, especially for the person who has always been very materialistic, following the standards of society today. But I think faith can be acquired; it can be acquired slowly; it has to be cultivated. That was not easy for me, and I assume that it is difficult for everyone else. ...\" DR. BOB AND THE GOOD OLDTIMERS, pp. 307-08 Fear is often the force that prevents me from acquiring and cultivating the power of faith. Fear blocks my appreciation of beauty, tolerance, forgiveness, service, and serenity. APRIL 22 NEW SOIL . . . NEW ROOTS Moments of perception can build into a lifetime of spiritual serenity, as I have excellent reason to know, loots of reality, supplanting the neurotic underbrush, will hold fast despite the high winds of the forces which would destroy us, or which we would use to destroy ourselves. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 173 [ came to A.A. greena seedling quivering with exposed taproots. It was for survival but it was a >beginning. I stretched, developed, twisted, but with he help of others, my spirit eventually burst up from the roots. I was free. I acted, withered, went inside, prayed, acted again, understood anew, as one moment of perception struck. Up from my roots, spirit-arms lengthened into strong, green .hoots: high-springing servants stepping skyward. Here on earth God unconditionally continues the legacy of higher love. My A.A. life put me \"on a different footing . . . [my] roots grasped a new soil\" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 12). APRIL 23 A.A. IS NOT A CURE-ALL It would be a product of false pride to claim that A. A. is a cure-all, even for alcoholism AS BILL SEES IT, p. 285 In my early years of sobriety I was full of pride, thinking that A. A. was the only source of treatment for a good and happy life. It certainly was the basic ingredient for my sobriety and even today, with over twelve years in the program, I am very involved in meetings, sponsorship and service. During the first four years of my recovery, I found it necessary to seek professional help, since my emotional health was extremely poor. There are those folks too, who have found sobriety and happiness in other organizations. A.A. taught me that I had a choice: to go to any lengths to enhance my sobriety. A.A. may not be a cure-all for everything, but it is the center of my sober living. APRIL 24 LEARNING TO LOVE OURSELVES Alcoholism was a lonely business, even though we were surrounded by people who loved us . . . W e were trying to find emotional security either by dominating or by being dependent upon others . . . W e still vainly tried to be secure by some unhealthy sort of domination or dependence. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 252 When I did my personal inventory I found that I had unhealthy relationships with most people in my lifemy friends and family, for example. I always felt isolated and lonely. I drank to dull emotional pain. It was through staying sober, having a good sponsor and working the Twelve Steps that I was able to build up my low self-esteem. First the Twelve Steps taught me to become my own best friend, and then, when I was able to love myself, I could reach out and love others. APRIL 25 ENTERING A NEW DIMENSION In the late stages of our drinking the will to resist has fled. Yet when we admit complete defeat and when we become entirely ready to try A. A. principles, our obsession leaves us and we enter a new dimensionfreedom under God as we understand Him. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 283 I am fortunate to be among the ones who have had this awesome transformation in my life. When I entered the doors of A.A., alone and desperate, I had been beaten into willingness to believe anything I heard. One of the things I heard was, \"This could be your last hangover, or you can keep going round and round.\" The man who said this obviously was a whole lot better off than 1.1 liked the idea of admitting defeat and I have been free ever since! My heart heard what my mind never could: \"Being powerless over alcohol is no big deal.\" I'm free and I'm grateful! APRIL 26 HAPPINESS IS NOT THE POINT / don't think happiness or unhappiness is the point. How do we meet the problems we face? How do we best learn from them and transmit what we have learned to others, if they would receive the knowledge? AS BILL SEES IT, p. 306 In my search \"to be happy,\" I changed jobs, married and divorced, took geographical cures, and ran myself into debtfinancially, emotionally and spiritually. In A.A., I'm learning to grow up. Instead of demanding that people, places and things make me happy, I can ask God for self-acceptance. When a problem overwhelms me, A.A.'s Twelve Steps will help me grow through the pain. The knowledge I gain can be a gift to others who suffer with the same problem. As Bill said, \"When pain comes, we are expected to learn from it willingly, and help others to learn. When happiness comes, we accept it as a gift, and thank God for it.\" (As Bill Sees It, p. 306) APRIL 27 JOYFUL DISCOVERIES W e realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164 Sobriety is a journey of joyful discovery. Each day brings new experience, awareness, greater hope, deeper faith, broader tolerance. I must maintain these attributes or I will have nothing to pass on. Great events for this recovering alcoholic are the normal everyday joys found in being able to live another day in God's grace. APRIL 28 TWO \"MAGNIFICENT STANDARDS\" All A.A. progress can be reckoned in terms of just two words: humility and responsibility. Our whole spiritual development can be accurately measured by our degree of adherence to these magnificent standards. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 271 To acknowledge and respect the views, accomplishments and prerogatives of others and to accept being wrong shows me the way of humility. To practice the principles of A.A. in all my affairs guides me to be responsible. Honoring these precepts gives credence to Tradition Fourand to all other Traditions of the Fellowship. Alcoholics Anonymous has evolved a philosophy of life full of valid motivations, rich in highly relevant principles and ethical values, a view of life which can be extended beyond the confines of the alcoholic population. To honor these precepts I need only to pray, and care for my fellow man as if each one were my brother. APRIL 29 GROUP AUTONOMY Some may think that we have carried the principle of group autonomy to extremes. For example, in its original \"long form,\" Tradition Four declares: \"Any two or three gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that as a group they have no other affiliation. \"* . . . But this ultra-liberty is not so risky as it looks. A.A. COMES OF AGE PP 104-05 As an active alcoholic, I abused every liberty that life afforded. How could A.A. expect me to respect the \"ultraliberty\" bestowed by Tradition Four? Learning respect has become a lifetime job. A.A. has made me fully accept the necessity of discipline and that, if I do not assert it from within, then I will pay for it. This applies to groups too. Tradition Four points me in a spiritual direction, in spite of my alcoholic inclinations. * This is a misquote; Bill quoted the Third Tradition, but was referring to Tradition Four. APRIL 30 A GREAT PARADOX These legacies of suffering and of recovery are easily passed among alcoholics, one to the other. This is our gift from God, and its bestowal upon others like us is the one aim that today animates A.A.'s all around the globe. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 151 The great paradox of A.A. is that I know I cannot keep the precious gift of sobriety unless I give it away. My primary purpose is to stay sober. In A.A. I have no other goal, and the importance of this is a matter of life or death for me. If I veer from this purpose I lose. But A.A. is not only for me; it is for the alcoholic who still suffers. The legions of recovering alcoholics stay sober by sharing with fellow alcoholics. The way to my recovery is to show oth-ers in A.A. that when I share with them, we both grow in the grace of the Higher Power, and both of us are on the road to a happy destiny. MAY 1 HEALING HEART AND MIND Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 55 Since it is true that God comes to me through people, I can see that by keeping people at a distance I also keep God at a distance. God is nearer to me than I think and I can experience Him by loving people and allowing people to love me. But I can neither love nor be loved if I allow my secrets to get in the way. It's the side of myself that I refuse to look at that rules me. I must be willing to look at the dark side in order to heal my mind and heart because that is the road to freedom. I must walk into darkness to find the light and walk into fear to find peace. By revealing my secretsand thereby ridding myself of guiltI can actually change my thinking; by altering my thinking, I can change myself. My thoughts create my future. What I will be tomorrow is determined by what I think today. MAY 2 LIGHTING THE DARK PAST Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you havethe key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 124 No longer is my past an autobiography; it is a reference book to be taken down, opened and shared. Today as I report for duty, the most wonderful picture comes through. For, though this day be dark as some days must bethe stars will shine even brighter later. My witness that they do shine will be called for in the very near future. All my past will this day be a part of me, because it is the key, not the lock. MAY 3 CLEANING HOUSE Somehow, being alone with God doesn't seem as embarrassing as facing up to another person. Until we actually sit down and talk aloud about what we have so long hidden, our willingness to clean house is still largely theoretical. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 60 It wasn't unusual for me to talk to God, and myself, about my character defects. But to sit down, face to face, and openly discuss these intimacies with another person was much more difficult. I recognized in the experience, however, a similar relief to the one I had experienced when I first admitted I was an alcoholic. I began to appreciate the spiritual significance of the program and that this Step was just an introduction to what was yet to come in the remaining seven Steps. MAY 4 \"ENTIRELY HONEST\" We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 73-74 Honesty, like all virtues, is to be shared. It began after I shared \". . . [my] whole life's story with someone . . . \" in order to find my place in the Fellowship. Later I shared my life in order to help the newcomer find his place with us. This sharing helps me to learn honesty in all my dealings and to know that God's plan for me comes true through honest openness and willingness. MAY 5 THE FOREST AND THE TREES . . . what comes to us alone may be garbled by our own rationalization and wishful thinking. The benefit of talking to another person is that we can get his direct comment and counsel on our situation. . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 60 I cannot count the times when I have been angry and frustrated and said to myself, \"I can't see the forest for the trees!\" I finally realized that what I needed when I was in such pain was someone who could guide me in separating the forest and the trees; who could suggest a better path to follow; who could assist me in putting out fires; and help me avoid the rocks and pitfalls. I ask God, when I'm in the forest, to give me the courage to call upon a member of A.A. MAY 6 \"HOLD BACK NOTHING\" The real tests of the situation are your own willingness to confide and your full confidence in the one with whom you share your first accurate self-survey. . . . Provided you hold back nothing, your sense of relief will mount from minute to minute. The dammed-up emotions of years break out of their confinement, and miraculously vanish as soon as they are exposed. As the pain subsides, a healing tranquility takes its place. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 61-62 A tiny kernel of locked-in feelings began to unfold when I first attended A.A. meetings and self-knowledge then became a learning task for me. This new self-understanding brought about a change in my responses to life's situations. I realized I had the right to make choices in my life, and the inner dictatorship of habits slowly lost its grip. I believe that if I seek God I can find a better way to live and I ask Him daily to assist me in living a sober life. MAY 7 RESPECT FOR OTHERS Such parts of our story we tell to someone who will understand, yet be unaffected. The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 74 Respect for others is the lesson that I take out of this passage. I must go to any lengths to free myself if I wish to find that peace of mind that I have sought for so long. However, none of this must be done at another's expense. Selfishness has no place in the A.A. way of life. When I take the Fifth Step it's wiser to choose a person with whom I share common aims because if that person does not understand me, my spiritual progress may be delayed and I could be in danger of a relapse. So I ask for divine guidance before choosing the man or woman whom I take into my confidence. MAY 8 ________________________________________ A RESTING PLACE All of A.A. 's Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural desires . . . they all deflate our egos. When it comes to ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take than Five. But scarcely any Step is more necessary to longtime sobriety and peace of mind than this one. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 55 After writing down my character defects, I was unwilling to talk about them, and decided it was time to stop carrying this burden alone. I needed to confess those defects to someone else. I had readand been toldI could not stay sober unless I did. Step Five provided me with a feeling of belonging, with humility and serenity when I practiced it in my daily living. It was important to admit my defects of character in the order presented in Step Five: \"to God, to ourselves and to another human being.\" Admitting to God first paved the way for admission to myself and to another person. As the taking of the Step is described, a feeling of being at one with God and my fellow man brought me to a resting place where I could prepare myself for the remain-ing Steps toward a full and meaningful sobriety. MAY 9 WALKING THROUGH FEAR If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76 When I had taken my Fifth Step, I became aware that all my defects of character stemmed from my need to feel secure and loved. To use my will alone to work on them would have been trying obsessively to solve the problem. In the Sixth Step I intensified the action I had taken in the first three Stepsmeditating on the Step by saying it over and over, going to meetings, following my sponsor's suggestions, reading and searching within myself. During the first three years of sobriety I had a fear of entering an elevator alone. One day I decided I must walk through this fear. I asked for God's help, entered the elevator, and there in the corner was a lady crying. She said that since her husband had died she was deathly afraid of elevators. I forgot my fear and comforted her. This spiritual experience helped me to see how willingness was the key to working the rest of the Twelve Steps to recovery. God helps those who help themselves. MAY 10 ______________________________________ FREE AT LAST Another great dividend we may expect from confiding our defects to another human being is humility a word often misunderstood. . . . it amounts to a clear recognition of what and who we really are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 58 I knew deep inside that if I were ever to be joyous, happy and free, I had to share my past life with some other individual. The joy and relief I experienced after doing so were beyond description. Almost immediately after taking the Fifth Step, I felt free from the bondage of self and the bondage of alcohol. That freedom remains after 36 years, a day at a time. I found that God could do for me what I couldn't do for myself. MAY 11 A NEW SENSE OF BELONGING Until we had talked with complete candor of our conflicts, and had listened to someone else do the same thing, we s till didn't belong. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 57 After four years in A.A. I was able to discover the freedom from the burden of buried emotions that had caused me so much pain. With the help of A.A., and extra counseling, the pain was released and I felt a complete sense of belonging and peace. I also felt a joy and a love of God that I had never experienced before. I am in awe of the power of Step Five. MAY 12 THE PAST IS OVER A.A. experience has taught us we cannot live alone with our pressing problems and the character defects which cause or aggravate them. If. . . Step Four . . . has revealed in stark relief those experiences we'd rather not remember . . . then the need to quit living by ourselves with those tormenting ghosts of yesterday gets more urgent than ever. We have to talk to somebody about them. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 55 Whatever is done is over. It cannot be changed. But my attitude about it can be changed through talking with those who have gone before and with sponsors. I can wish the past never was, but if I change my actions in regard to what I have done, my attitude will change. I won't have to wish the past away. I can change my feelings and attitudes, but only through my actions and the help of my fellow alcoholics. MAY 13 THE EASIER, SOFTER WAY If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 72 I certainly didn't leap at the opportunity to face who I was, especially when the pains of my drinking days hung over me like a dark cloud. But I soon heard at the meetings about the fellow member who just didn't want to take Step Five and kept coming back to meetings, trembling from the horrors of reliving his past. The easier, softer way is to take these Steps to freedom from our fatal disease, and to put our faith in the Fellowship and our Higher Power. MAY 14 IT'S OKAY TO BE ME Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. . . . they have turned to easier methods. . . . But they had not learned enough humility. . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 72-73 Humility sounds so much like hu miliation, but it really is the ability to look at myselfand honestly accept what I find. I no longer need to be the \"smartest\" or \"dumbest\" or any other \"est.\" Finally, it is okay to be me. It is easier for me to accept myself if I share my whole life. If I cannot share in meetings, then I had better have a sponsor someone with whom I can share those \"certain facts\" that could lead me back to a drunk, to death. I need to take all the Steps. I need the Fifth Step to learn true humility. Easier methods do not work. MAY 15 KNOW GOD; KNOW PEACE It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. . . . But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 66 Know God; Know peace. No God; No peace. MAY 16 WE FORGIVE . . . Often it was while working on this Step with our sponsors or spiritual advisers that we first felt truly able to forgive others, no matter how deeply we felt hey had wronged us. Our moral inventory had persuaded us that all-round forgiveness was desirable, but it was only when we resolutely tackled Step Five hat we inwardly knew we'd be able to receive forgiveness and give it, too. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 58 What a great feeling forgiveness is! What a revelation about my emotional, psychological and spiritual nature. All it takes is willingness to forgive; 5od will do the rest. MAY 17 . . . AND FORGIVE Under very trying conditions I have had, again and again, to forgive othersalso myself AS BILL SEES IT, p. 268 Forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others are just two currents in the same river, both hindered or shut off completely by the dam of resentment. Once that dam is lifted, both currents can flow. The Steps of A.A. allow me to see how resentment has built up and subsequently blocked off this flow in my life. The Steps provide a way by which my resentments mayby the grace of God as I understand Him be lifted. It is as a result of this solution that I can find the necessary grace which enables me to for-give myself and others. MAY 18 FREEDOM TO BE ME If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83 My first true freedom is the freedom not to have to take a drink today. If I truly want it, I will work the Twelve Steps and the happiness of this freedom will come to me through the Stepssometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Other freedoms will follow, and inventorying them is a new happiness. I had a new freedom today, the freedom to be me. I have the freedom to be the best me I have ever been. MAY 19 GIVING WITHOUT STRINGS And he well knows that his own life has been made richer, as an extra dividend of giving to another without any demand for a return. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 69 The concept of giving without strings was hard to understand when I first came into the program. I was suspicious when others wanted to help me. I thought, \"What do they want in return?\" But I soon learned the joy of helping another alcoholic and I understood why they were there for me in the beginning. My attitudes changed and I wanted to help others. Sometimes I became anxious, as I wanted them to know the joys of sobriety, that life can be bea ut if ul . W hen m y lif e is f ul l o f a lo v ing Go d o f my understanding and I give that love to my fellow alcoholic, I feel a special richness that is hard to explain. MAY 20 ONE DAY AT A TIME Above all, take it one day at a time. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 11 Why do I kid myself that I must stay away from a drink for only one day, when I know perfectly well I must never drink again as long as I live? I am not kidding myself because one day at a time is probably the only way I can reach the long-range objective of staying sober. If I determine that I shall never drink again as long as I live, I set myself up. How can I be sure I won't drink when I have no idea what the future may hold? On a day-at-a-time basis, I am confident I can stay away from a drink for one day. So I set out with confidence. At the end of the day, I have the reward of achievement. Achievement feels good and that makes me want more! MAY 21 A LIST OF BLESSINGS One exercise that I practice is to try for a full inventory of my blessings. . . . AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37 What did I have to be grateful for? I shut myself up and started listing the blessings for which I was in no way responsible, beginning with having been born of sound mind and body. I went through seventy-four years of living right up to the present moment. The list ran to two pages, and took two hours to compile; I included health, family, money, A.A. the whole gamut. Every day in my prayers, I ask God to help me remember my list, and to be grateful for it throughout the day. When I remember my gratitude list, it's very hard to conclude that God is picking on me. MAY 22 STEP ONE WE . . . (The first word of the First Step) TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21 When I was drinking all I could ever think about was \"I, I, I,\" or \"Me, Me, Me.\" Such painful obsession of self, such soul sickness, such spiritual selfishness bound me to the bottle for more than half my life. The journey to find God and to do His will one day at a time began with the first word of the First Step . . . \"We.\" There was power in numbers, there was strength in numbers, there was safety in numbers, and for an alcoholic like me, there was life in numbers. If I had tried to recover alone I probably would have died. With God and another alcoholic I have a divine purpose in my life . . . I have become a channel for God's healing love. MAY 23 SPIRITUAL HEALTH When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 64 It is very difficult for me to come to terms with my spiritual illness because of my great pride, disguised by my material successes and my intellectual power. Intelligence is not incompatible with humility, provided I place humility first. To seek prestige and wealth is the ultimate goal for many in the modern world. To be fashionable and to seem better than I really am is a spiritual illness. To recognize and to admit my weaknesses is the beginning of good spiritual health. It is a sign of spiritual health to he able to ask God every day to enlighten me, to recognize His will, and to have the strength to execute it. My spiritual health is excellent when I realize that the better I get, the more I discover how much help I need from others. MAY 24 \"HAPPY, JOYOUS AND FREE\" We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is vale of tears, though it once was just that for many f us. But it is clear that we made our own misery, rod didn't do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 133 For years I believed in a punishing God and blamed him for my misery. I have learned that I must lay down the \"weapons\" of self in order to pick up the \"tools\" of the A.A. program. I do not struggle with he program because it is a gift and I have never struggled when receiving a gift. If I sometimes keep MI struggling, it is because I'm still hanging onto my old ideas and \" . . . the results are nil.\" MAY 25 PROGRESSIVE GRATITUDE Gratitude should go forward, rather than backward. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 29 I am very grateful that my Higher Power has given me a second chance to live a worthwhile life. Through Alcoholics Anonymous, I have been restored to sanity. The promises are being fulfilled in my life. I am grateful to be free from the slavery of alcohol. I am grateful for peace of mind and the opportunity to grow, but my gratitude should go forward rather than backward. I cannot stay sober on yesterday's meetings or past Twelfth-Step calls; I need to put my gratitude into action today. Our co-founder said our gratitude can best be shown by carrying the message to others. Without action, my gratitude is just a pleasant emotion. I need to put it into action by working Step Twelve, by carrying the message and practicing the principles in all my affairs. I am grateful for the chance to carry the message today! MAY 26 TURNING NEGATIVE TO POSITIVE Our spiritual and emotional growth in A.A. does not depend so deeply upon success as it does upon our failures and setbacks. If you will bear this in mind, I think that your slip will have the effect of kicking you upstairs, instead of down. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 184 In keeping with the pain and adversity which our founders encountered and overcame in establishing A.A., Bill W. sent us a clear message: a relapse can provide a positive experience toward abstinence and a lifetime of recovery. A relapse brings truth to what we hear repeatedly in meetings\"Don't take that first drink!\" It reinforces the belief in the progressive nature of the disease, and it drives home the need for, and beauty of, humility in our spiritual program. Simple truths come in complicated ways to me when I become ego driven. MAY 27 NO MAUDLIN GUILT Day by day, we try to move a little toward God's perfection. So we need not be consumed by maudlin guilt. . . . AS BILL SEES IT, p. 15 When I first discovered that there is not a single \"don't\" in the Twelve Steps of A.A., I was disturbed because this discovery swung open a giant portal. Only then was I able to realize what A.A. is for me: A.A. is not a program of \"don'ts, but of \"do's.\" A.A. is not martial law; it is freedom. A.A. is not tears over defects, but sweat over fixing them. A.A. is not penitence; it is salvation. A.A. is not \"Woe to me\" for my sins, past and present. A.A. is \"Praise God\" for the progress I am making today. MAY 28 EQUAL RIGHTS At one time or another most A.A. groups go on rulemaking benders. . . . After a time fear and intolerance subside, [and we realize] W e do not wish to deny anyone his chance to recover from alcoholism. W e wish to be just as inclusive as we can, never exclusive. \"A.A. TRADITION: HOW IT DEVELOPED,\" pp. 10, 11, 12 A.A. offered me complete freedom and accepted me into the Fellowship for myself. Membership did not depend upon conformity, financial success or education and I am so grateful for that. I often ask myself if I extend the same equality to others or if I deny them the freedom to be different. Today I try to replace my fear and intolerance with faith, patience, love and acceptance. I can bring these strengths to my A.A. group, my home and my office. I make an effort to bring my positive attitude everywhere that I go. I have neither the right, nor the responsibility, to judge others. Depending on my attitude I can view newcomers to A.A., family members and friends as menaces or as teachers. When I think of some of my past judgments, it is clear how my self-righteousness caused me spiritual harm. MAY 29 TRUE TOLERANCE The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 139 I first heard the short form of the Third Tradition in the Preamble. When I came to A.A. I could not accept myself, my alcoholism, or a Higher Power. If there had been any physical, mental, moral, or religious requirements for membership, I would be dead today. Bill W. said in his tape on the Traditions that the Third Tradition is a charter for individual freedom. The most impressive thing to me was the feeling of acceptance from members who were practicing the Third Tradition by tolerating and accepting me. I feel acceptance is love and love is God's will for us. MAY 30 OUR PRIMARY PURPOSE The more A.A. sticks to its primary purpose, the greater will be its helpful influence everywhere. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 109 It is with gratitude that I reflect on the early days of our Fellowship and those wise and loving \"foresteppers\" who proclaimed that we should not be diverted from our primary purpose, that of carrying the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. I desire to impart respect to those who labor in the field of alcoholism, being ever mindful that A.A. endorses no causes other than its own. I must remember that A.A. has no monopoly on miracle-making and I remain humbly grateful to a loving God who made A.A. possible. MAY 31 READINESS TO SERVE OTHERS . . . our Society has concluded that it has but one high missionto carry the A.A. message to those who don't know there's a way out TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 151 The \"Light\" to freedom shines bright on my fellow alcoholics as each one of us challenges the other to grow. The \"Steps\" to self-improvement have small beginnings, but each Step builds the \"ladder\" out of the pit of despair to new hope. Honesty becomes my \"tool\" to unfurl the \"chains\" which bound me. A sponsor, who is a caring listener, can help me to truly hear the message guiding me to freedom. I ask God for the courage to live in such a way that the Fellowship may be a testimony to His favor. This mission frees me to share my gifts of wellness through a spirit of readiness to serve others.  JUNE 1 A CHANGED OUTLOOK Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 When I was drinking, my attitude was totally selfish, totally self-centered; my pleasure and my comfort came first. Now that I am sober, self-seeking has started to slip away. My whole attitude toward life and other people is changing. For me, the first \"A\" in our name stands for attitude. My attitude is changed by the second \"A\" in our name, which stands for action. By working the Steps, attending meetings, and carrying the message, I can be re-stored to sanity. Action is the magic word! With a positive, helpful attitude and regular A.A. action, I can stay sober and help others to achieve sobriety. My attitude now is that I am willing to go to any length to stay sober! JUNE 2 THE UPWARD PATH Here are the steps we took. . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59 These are the words that lead into the Twelve Steps. In their direct simplicity they sweep aside all psychological and philosophical considerations about the lightness of the Steps. They describe what I did: I took the Steps and sobriety was the result. These words do not imply that I should walk the well-trodden path of those who went before, but rather that there is a way for me to become sober and that it is a way I shall have to find. It is a new path, one that leads to infinite light at the top of the mountain. The Steps advise me about the footholds that are safe and about chasms to avoid. They provide me with the tools I need during the many parts of the solitary journey of my soul. When I speak of this journey, I share my experience, strength and hope with others. JUNE 3 ON A WING AND A PRAYER . . . we then look at Step Six. W e have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76 Steps Four and Five were difficult, but worthwhile. Now I was stuck on Step Six and, in despair, I picked up the Big Book and read this passage. I was outside, praying for willingness, when I raised my eyes and saw a huge bird rising in the sky. I watched it suddenly give itself up to the powerful air currents of the mountains. Swept along, swooping and soaring, the bird did things seemingly im-possible for mortal birds to do. It was an inspiring example of a fellow creature \"letting go\" to a power greater than itself. I realized that if the bird \"took back his will\" and tried to fly with less trust, on its power alone, it would spoil its apparent free flight. That insight granted me the willingness to pray the Seventh Step prayer. It's not easy to know God's will in each circumstance. I must search out and be ready for the currents, and that's where prayer and meditation help! Because I am, of myself, nothing, I ask God to grant me the knowledge of His will and the power and courage to carry it outtoday. JUNE 4 LETTING GO OF OUR OLD SELVES Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. . . . Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 75, 76 The Sixth Step is the last \"preparation\" Step. Although I have already used prayer extensively, I have made no formal request of my Higher Power in the first Six Steps. I have identified my problem, come to believe that there is a solution, made a decision to seek this solution, and have \"cleaned house.\" I now ask: Am I willing to live a life of sobriety, of change, to let go of my old self? I must determine if I am truly ready to change. I review what I have done and become willing for God to remove all my defects of character; for in the next Step, I will tell my Creator I am willing and will ask for help. If I have been thorough in the preparation of my foundation and feel that I am willing to change, I am then ready to continue with the next Step. \"If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.\" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 76) JUNE 5 ENTIRELY READY? \"This is the Step that separates the men from the boys \" . . . the difference between \"the boys and the men\" is the difference between striving for a self-determined objective and for the perfect objective which is of God. . . . It is suggested that we ought to become entirely willing to aim toward perfection. . . . The moment we say, \"No, never!\" our minds close against the grace of God. . . . This is the exact point at which we abandon limited objectives, and move toward God's will for us TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 63, 68, 69 Am I entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character? Do I know at long last that I cannot save myself? I have come to believe that I cannot. If I am unable, if my best intentions go wrong, if my desires are selfishly motivated and if my knowledge and will are limitedthen I am ready to embrace God's will for my life. JUNE 6 ALL WE DO IS TRY Can He now take them allevery one? ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76 In doing Step Six it helped me a lot to remember that I am striving for \"spiritual progress.\" Some of my character defects may be with me for the rest of my life, but most have been toned down or eliminated. All that Step Six asks of me is to become willing to name my defects, claim them as my own, and be willing to discard the ones I can, just for today. As I grow in the program, many of my defects become more objectionable to me than previously and, therefore, I need to repeat Step Six so that I can become happier with myself and maintain my serenity. JUNE 7 LONG-TERM HOPE Since most of us are born with an abundance of natural desires, it isn't strange that we often let these far exceed their intended purpose. When they drive us blindly, or we willfully demand that they supply us with more satisfactions or pleasures than are possible or due us, that is the point at which we depart from the degree of perfection that God wishes for us here on earth. That is the measure of our character defects, or, if you wish, of our sins. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 65 This is where long-term hope is born and perspective is gained, both of the nature of my illness and the path of my recovery. The beauty of A.A. lies in knowing that my life, with God's help, will improve. The A.A. journey becomes richer, the understanding becomes truth, the dreams become realitiesand today becomes forever. As I step into the A.A. light, my heart fills with the presence of God. JUNE 8 OPENING UP TO CHANGE Self-searching is the means by which we bring new vision, action, and grace to bear upon the dark and negative side of our natures With it comes the development of that kind of humility that makes it possible for us to receive God's help. . . . we find that bit by bit we can discard the old lifethe one that did not workfor a new life that can and does work under any conditions whatever. AS BILL SEES IT, pp. 10, 8 I have been given a daily reprieve contingent upon my spiritual condition, provided I seek progress, not perfection. To become ready for change, I practice willingness, opening myself to possibilities of change. If I realize there are defects that hinder my usefulness in A.A. and toward others, I become ready by meditating and receiving direction. \"Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely\" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 58). To let go and let God, I need only surrender my old ways to Him; I no longer fight nor do I try to control, but simply believe that, with God's help, I am changed and affirming this belief makes me ready. I empty myself to be full of awareness, light, and love, and I am ready to face each day with hope. JUNE 9 LIVING IN THE NOW First, we try living in the now just in order to stay sober and it works Once the idea has become a part of our thinking we find that living life in 24-hour segments is an effective and satisfying way to handle many other matters as well LIVING SOBER, p. 7 \"One Day At A Time.\" To a newcomer this and other oneliners of A.A. may seem ridiculous. The passwords of the A.A. Fellowship can become lifelines in moments of stress. Each day can be like a rose unfurling according to the plan of a Power greater than myself. My program should be planted in the right location, just as it will need to be groomed, nourished, and protected from disease. My planting will require patience, and my realizing that some flowers will be more perfect than others. Each stage of the petals' unfolding can bring wonder and delight if I do not interfere or let my expectations override my acceptanceand this brings serenity. JUNE 10 IMPATIENT? TRY LEVITATING We reacted more strongly to frustrations than normal people. AS BILL SEES IT, p. I l l Impatience with other people is one of my principal failings. Following a slow car in a no-passing lane, or waiting in a restaurant for the check, drives me to distraction. Before I give God a chance to slow me down, I explode, and that's what I call being quicker than God. That repeated experience gave me an idea. I thought if I could look down on these events from God's point of view, I might better control my feelings and behavior. I tried it and when I encountered the next slow driver, I levitated and looked down on the other car and upon myself. I saw an elderly couple driving along, happily chatting about their grandchildren. They were followed by mebug-eyed and red of facewho had no time schedule to meet anyway. I looked so silly that I dropped back into reality and slowed down. Seeing things from God's angle of vision can be very relaxing. JUNE 11 FAMILY OBLIGATIONS . . . a spiritual life which does not include . . . family obligations may not be so perfect after all. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 129 I can be doing great in the programapplying it at meetings, at work, and in service activitiesand find that things have gone to pieces at home. I expect my loved ones to understand, but they cannot. I expect them to see and value my progress, but they don'tunless I show them. Do I neglect their needs and desires for my attention and concern? When I'm around them, am I irritable or boring? Are my \"amends\" a mumbled \"Sorry,\" or do they take the form of patience and tolerance? Do I preach to them, trying to reform or \"fix\" them? Have I ever really cleaned house with them! \"The spiritual life is not a theory. W e have to live it\" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 83). JUNE 12 FORMING TRUE PARTNERSHIPS But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 53 Can these words apply to me, am I still unable to form a true partnership with another human being? What a terrible handicap that would be for me to carry into my sober life! In my sobriety I will meditate and pray to discover how I may be a trusted friend and companion. JUNE 13 LIVING OUR AMENDS \"Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. The entire family is, to some extent, ill.\" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 122 It is important for me to realize that, as an alcoholic, I not only hurt myself, but also those around me. Making amends to my family, and to the families of alcoholics still suffering, will always be important. Understanding the havoc I created and trying to repair the destruction, will be a lifelong endeavor. The example of my sobriety may give others hope, and faith to help themselves. JUNE 14 WHEN THE GOING GETS ROUGH It is a design for living that works in rough going. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 15 When I came to A.A., I realized that A.A. worked wonderfully to help keep me sober. But could it work on real life problems, not concerned with drinking? I had my doubts. After being sober for more than two years I got my answer. I lost my job, developed physical problems, my diabetic father lost a leg, and someone I loved left me for another and all of this happened during a two-week pe-riod. Reality crashed in, yet A.A. was there to support, comfort, and strengthen me. The principles I had learned during my early days of sobriety became a mainstay of my life for not only did I come through, but I never stopped being able to help newcomers. A.A. taught me not to be overwhelmed, but rather to accept and understand my life as it unfolded. JUNE 15 MAKING A.A. YOUR HIGHER POWER \". . . Yo u can . . . make A.A. itself your 'higher power.' Here's a very large group of people who have solved their alcohol problem. . . . many members . . . have crossed the threshold just this way. . . . their faith broadened and deepened. . . . transformed, they came to believe in a Higher Power. . . . \" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 27-28 No one was greater than I, at least in my eyes, when I was drinking. Nevertheless, I couldn't smile at myself in the mirror, so I came to A.A. where, with others, I heard talk of a Higher Power. I couldn't accept the concept of a Higher Power because I believed God was cruel and unloving. In desperation I chose a table, a tree, then my A.A. group, as my Higher Power. Time passed, my life improved, and I began to wonder about this Higher Power. Gradually, with patience, humility and a lot of questions, I came to believe in God. Now my relationship with my Higher Power gives me the strength to live a happy, sober life. JUNE 16 OPEN-MINDEDNESS We have found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him. To us, the realm of spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive, never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all men. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 7 Open-mindedness to concepts of a Higher Power can open doors to the spirit. Often I find the human spirit in various dogmas and faiths. I can be spiritual in the sharing of myself. The sharing of self joins me to the human race and brings me closer to God, as I understand Him. JUNE 17 \"DEEP DOWN WITHIN US\" We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found. . . . search diligently within yourself. . . . With this attitude you cannot fail. The consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 55 It was out of the depths of loneliness, depression and despair that I sought the help of A.A. As I recovered and began to face the emptiness and ruin of my life, I began to open myself to the possibility of the healing that recovery offers through the A.A. program. By coining to meetings, staying sober, and taking the Steps, I had the opportunity to listen with increasing attentiveness to the depths of my soul. Daily I waited, in hope and gratitude, for that sure belief and steadfast love I had longed for in my life. In this process, I met my God, as I understand Him. JUNE 18 A FELLOWSHIP OF FREEDOM . . . if only men were granted absolute liberty, and were compelled to obey no one, they would then voluntarily associate themselves in the common interest AS BILL SEES IT, p. 50 When I no longer live under the dictates of another or of alcohol, I live in a new freedom. When I release the past and all the excess baggage I have carried for so very long, I come to know freedom. I have been introduced into a life and a fellowship of freedom. The Steps are a \"recommended\" way of finding a new life, there are no commands or dictates in A.A. I am free to serve from desire rather than decree. There is the understanding that I will benefit from the growth of other members and I take what I learn and bring it back to the group. The \"common welfare\" finds room to grow in the society of personal freedom. JUNE 19 \"A.A. REGENERATION\" Such is the paradox of A.A. regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, the loss of one's old life as a condition for finding a new one. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 46 A thousand beatings by John Barleycorn did not encourage me to admit defeat. I believed it was my moral obligation to conquer my \"enemy-friend.\" At my first A.A. meeting I was blessed with a feeling that it was all right to admit defeat to a disease which had nothing to do with my \"moral fiber.\" I knew instinctively that I was in the presence of a great love when I entered the doors of A.A. With no effort on my part, I became aware that to love myself was good and right, as God had intended. My feelings set me free, where my thoughts had held me in bondage. I am grateful. JUNE 20 RELEASE FROM FEAR The problem of resolving fear has two aspects. W e shall have to try for all the freedom from fear that is possible for us to attain. Then we shall need to find both the courage and grace to deal constructively with whatever fears remain. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 61 Most of my decisions were based on fear. Alcohol made life easier to face, but the time came when alcohol was no longer an alternative to fear. One of the greatest gifts in A.A. for me has been the courage to take action, which I can do with God's help. After five years of sobriety I had to deal with a heavy dose of fear. God put the people in my life to help me do that and, through my working the Twelve Steps, I am becoming the whole person I wish to be and, for that, I am deeply grateful. JUNE 21 The achievement of freedom from fear is a lifetime undertaking, one that can never be wholly completed. When under heavy attack, acute illness, or in other conditions of serious insecurity, we shall all act to this emotionwell or badly, as the case may be. Only the self-deceived w ill claim perfect freedom from fear. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 263 Fear has caused suffering when I could have had more faith. There are times when fear suddenly tears me apart, just when I'm experiencing feelings of joy, happiness and a lightness of heart. Faith and a feeling of self-worth toward a Higher Powerhelps me endure tragedy and ecstasy. When I choose to give all of my fears over to my Higher Power, I will be free. JUNE 22 TODAY, I'M FREE This brought me to the good healthy realization that there were plenty of situations left in the world over which I had no personal powerthat if I was so ready to admit that to be the case with alcohol, s o I must make the same admission with respect to much else. I would have to be still and know that He, not I, was God. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 114 I am learning to practice acceptance in all circumstances of my life, so that I may enjoy peace of mind. At one time life was a constant battle because I felt I had to go through each day fighting myself, and everyone else. Eventually, this became a losing battle. I ended up getting drunk and crying over my misery. When I began to let go and let God take over my life I began to have peace of mind. Today, I am free. I do not have to fight anybody or anything anymore. JUNE 23 TRUSTING OTHERS But does trust require that we be blind to other people's motives or, indeed, to our own? Not at all; this would be folly. Most certainly, we should assess the capacity for harm as well as the capability for good in every person that we would trust. Such a private inventory can reveal the degree of confidence we should extend in any given situation. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 144 I am not a victim of others, but rather a victim of my expectations, choices and dishonesty. When I expect others to be what I want them to be and not who they are, when they fail to meet my expectations, I am hurt. When my choices are based on self-centeredness, I find I am lonely and distrustful. I gain confidence in myself, however, when I practice honesty in all my affairs. When I search my motives and am honest and trusting, I am aware of the capacity for harm in situations and can avoid those that are harmful. JUNE 24 A SPIRITUAL KINDERGARTEN We are only operating a spiritual kindergarten in which people are enabled to get over drinking and find the grace to go on living to better effect AS BILL SEES IT, p. 95 When I came to A.A., I was run down by the bottle and wanted to lose the obsession to drink, but I didn't really know how to do that. I decided to stick around long enough to find out from the ones who went before me. All of a sudden I was thinking about God! I was told to get a Higher Power and I had no idea what one looked like. I found out there are many Higher Powers. I was told to find God, as I understand Him, that there was no doctrine of the Godhead in A.A. I found what worked for me and then asked that Power to restore me to sanity. The obsession to drink was removed andone day at a timemy life went on, and I learned how to five sober. JUNE 25 A TWO-WAY STREET If we ask, God will certainly forgive our derelictions. But in no case does He render us white as snow and keep us that way without our cooperation. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 65 When I prayed, I used to omit a lot of things for which I needed to be forgiven. I thought that if I didn't mention these things to God, He would never know about them. I did not know that if I had just forgiven myself for some of my past deeds, God would forgive me also. I was always taught to prepare for the journey through life, never realizing until I came to A.A.when I honestly became willing to be taught forgiveness and forgivingthat life itself is the journey. The journey of life is a very happy one, as long as I am willing to accept change and responsibility. JUNE 26 A GIFT THAT GROWS WITH TIME For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 151 The longer I chased these elusive feelings with alcohol, the more out of reach they were. However, by applying this passage to my sobriety, I found that it described the magnificent new life made available to me by the A.A. program. \"It\" truly does \"get better\" one day at a time. The warmth, the love and the joy so simply expressed in these words grow in breadth and depth each time I read it. Sobriety is a gift that grows with time. JUNE 27 CONFORMING TO THE A.A. WAY We obey A.A. 's Steps and Traditions because we really want them for ourselves. It is no longer a question of good or evil; we conform because we genuinely want to conform Such is our process of growth in unity and function. Such is the evidence of God's grace and love among us. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 106 It is fun to watch myself grow in A.A. I fought conformity to A.A. principles from the moment I entered, but I learned from the pain of my belligerence that, in choosing to live the A. A. way of life, I opened myself to God's grace and love. Then I began to know the full meaning of being a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. JUNE 28 THE DETERMINATION OF OUR FOUNDERS A year and six months later these three had succeeded with seven more. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 159 If it had not been for the fierce determination of our founders, A.A. would have quickly faded like so many other so-called good causes. I look at the hundreds of meetings weekly in the city where I five and I know A.A. is available twenty-four hours a day. If I had had to hang on with nothing but hope and a desire not to drink, experiencing rejection wherever I went, I would have sought the easier, softer way and returned to my previous way of life. JUNE 29 A RIPPLING EFFECT Having learned to live so happily, we'd show everyone else how. . . . Yes, we of A.A. did dream those dreams. How natural that was, since most alcoholics are bankrupt idealists. . . . So why shouldn't we share our way of life with everyone? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 156 The great discovery of sobriety led me to feel the need to spread the \"good news\" to the world around me. The grandiose thoughts of my drinking days returned. Later, I learned that concentrating on my own recovery was a full-time process. As I became a sober citizen in this world, I observed a rippling effect which, without any conscious effort on my part, reached any \"related facility or outside enterprise,\" without diverting me from my primary purpose of staying sober and helping other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. JUNE 30 SACRIFICE = UNITY = SURVIVAL The unity, the effectiveness, and even the survival of A.A. will always depend u pon our continued willingness to give up some of our personal ambitions and desires for the common safety and welfare. Just as sacrifice means survival for the individual alcoholic, so does sacrifice mean unity and survival for the group and for A.A. 's entire Fellowship. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 220 I have learned that I must sacrifice some of my personality traits for the good of A.A. and, as a result, I have been rewarded with many gifts. False pride can be inflated through prestige but, by living Tradition Six, I receive the gift of humility instead. Cooperation without affiliation is often deceiving. If I remain unrelated to outside interests, I am free to keep A.A. autonomous. Then the Fellowship will be here, healthy and strong for generations to come. JULY 1 THE BEST FOR TODAY The principles we have set down are guides to progress ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 60 Just as a sculptor will use different tools to achieve desired effects in creating a work of art, in Alcoholics Anonymous the Twelve Steps are used to bring about results in my own life. I do not overwhelm myself with life's problems, and how much more work needs to be done. I let myself be comforted in knowing that my life is now in the hands of my Higher Power, a master craftsman who is shaping each part of my life into a unique work of art. By working my program I can be satisfied, knowing that \"in doing the best that we can for today, we are doing all that God asks of us.\" JULY 2 THE HEART OF TRUE SOBRIETY We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty and open-mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 570 Am I honest enough to accept myself as I am and let this be the \"me\" that I let others see? Do I have the willingness to go to any length, to do whatever is necessary to stay sober? Do I have the open-mindedness to hear what I have to hear, to think what I have to think, and to feel what I have to feel? If my answer to these questions is \"Yes,\" I know enough about the spirituality of the program to stay sober. As I continue to work the Twelve Steps, I move on to the heart of true sobriety: serenity with myself, with others, and with God as I understand Him. JULY 3 EXPERIENCE: THE BEST TEACHER Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 87 Some say that experience is the best teacher, but I believe that experience is the only teacher. I have been able to learn of God's love for me only by the experience of my dependence on that love. At first I could not be sure of His direction in my life, but now I see that if I am to be bold enough to ask for His guidance, I must act as if He has provided it. I frequently ask God to help me remember that He has a path for me. JULY 4 A NATURAL FAITH . . . deep down in every man, woman and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. F or faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 55 I have seen the workings of the unseen God in A.A. rooms around the country. Miracles of recovery are everywhere in evidence. I now believe that God is in these rooms and in my heart. Today faith is as natural to me, a former agnostic, as breathing, eating and sleeping. The Twelve Steps have helped to change my life in many ways, but none is more effective than the acquisition of a Higher Power. JULY 5 A NEW DIRECTION Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly. . . . Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all our activities. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 45, 85 I hear talk of the \"weak-willed\" alcoholic, but I am one of the strongest-willed people on earth! I now know that my incredible strength of will is not enough to save my life. My problem is not one of \"weakness,\" but rather of direction. When I, without falsely diminishing myself, accept my honest limitations and turn to God's guidance, my worst faults become my greatest assets. My strong will, rightly directed, keeps me working until the promises of the program become my daily reality. JULY 6 IDENTIFYING FEAR . . . The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear. . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 76 When I feel uncomfortable, irritated, or depressed, I look for fear. This \"evil and corroding thread\" is the root of my distress: Fear of failure; fear of others' opinions; fear of harm, and many other fears. I have found a Higher Power who does not want me to live in fear and, as a result, the experience of A.A. in my life is freedom and joy. I am no longer willing to live with the multitude of character de-fects that characterized my life while I was drinking. Step Seven is my vehicle to freedom from these defects. I pray for help in identifying the fear underneath the defect, and then I ask God to relieve me of that fear. This method works for me without fail and is one of the great miracles of my life in Alcoholics Anonymous. JULY 7 . . . AND LETTING GO OF IT . . . primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration. Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands The difference between a demand and a simple request is plain to anyone. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 76 Peace is possible for me only when I let go of expectations. When I'm trapped in thoughts about what I want and what should be coming to me, I'm in a state of fear or anxious anticipation and this is not conducive to emotional sobriety. I must surrender over and overto the reality of my dependence on God, for then I find peace, gratitude and spiritual security. JULY 8 AN EVER-GROWING FREEDOM The Seventh Step is where we make the change in our attitude which permits us, with humility as our guide, to move out from ourselves toward others and toward God. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 76 When I finally asked God to remove those things blocking me from Him and the sunlight of the Spirit, I embarked on a journey more glorious than I ever imagined. I experienced a freedom from those characteristics that had me wrapped up in myself. Because of this humbling Step, I feel clean. I am especially aware of this Step because I'm now able to be useful to God and to my fellows. I know that He has granted me strength to do His bidding and has prepared me for anyone, and anything, that comes my way today. I am truly in His hands, and I give thanks for the joy that I can be useful today. JULY 9 I AM AN INSTRUMENT Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 70 The subject of humility is a difficult one. Humility is not thinking less of myself than I ought to; it is acknowledging that I do certain things well, it is accepting a compliment graciously. God can only do for me what He can do through me. Humility is the result of knowing that God is the doer, not me. In the light of this awareness, how can I take pride in my accomplishments? I am an instrument and any work I seem to be doing is being done by God through me. I ask God on a daily basis to remove my shortcomings, in order that I may more freely go about my A.A. business of \"love and service.\" JULY 10 TOWARD PEACE AND SERENITY . . . when we have taken a square look at some of these defects, have discussed them with another, and have become willing to have them removed, our thinking about humility commences to have a wider meaning. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 74 When situations arise which destroy my serenity, pain often motivates me to ask God for clarity in seeing my part in the situation. Admitting my powerlessness, I humbly pray for acceptance. I try to see how my character defects contributed to the situation. Could I have been more patient? Was I intolerant? Did I insist on having my own way? Was I afraid? As my defects are revealed, I put self-reliance aside and humbly ask God to remove my shortcomings. The situation may not change, but as I practice exercising humility, I enjoy the peace and serenity which are the natural benefits of placing my reliance in a power greater than myself. JULY 11 A TURNING POINT A great turning point in our lives came when we sought for humility as something we really wanted, rather than as something we must have. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 75 Either the A.A. way of life becomes one of joy or I return to the darkness and despair of alcoholism. Joy comes to me when my attitude concerning God and humility turns to one of desire rather than of burden. The darkness in my life changes to radiant light when I arrive at the realization that being truthful and honest in dealing with my inventory results in my life being filled with serenity, freedom, and joy. Trust in my Higher Power deepens, and the flush of gratitude spreads through my being. I am convinced that being humble is being truthful and honest in dealing with myself and God. It is then that humility is something I \"really want,\" rather than being \"something I must have.\" JULY 12 GIVING UP CENTER STAGE For without some degree of humility, no alcoholic can stay sober at all . . . Without it, they cannot live to much useful purpose, or, in adversity, be able to summon the faith that can meet any emergency. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 70 Why do I balk at the word \"humility?\" I am not humbling myself toward other people, but toward God, as I understand Him. Hu mility means \"to show submissive respect,\" and by being humble I realize I am not the center of the universe. When I was drinking, I was consumed by pride and self-centeredness. I felt the entire world revolved around me, that I was master of my destiny. Humility enables me to depend more on God to help me overcome obstacles, to help me with my own imperfections, so that I may grow spiritually. I must solve more difficult problems to increase my proficiency and, as I encounter life's stumbling blocks, I must learn to overcome them through God's help. Daily communion with God demonstrates my humility and provides me with the realization that an entity more powerful than I is willing to help me if I cease trying to play God myself. JULY 13 HUMILITY IS A GIFT As long as we placed self-reliance first, a genuine reliance upon a Higher Power was out of the question. That basic ingredient of all humility, a desire to seek and do God's will, was missing. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 72 When I first came to A.A., I wanted to find some of the elusive quality called humility. I didn't realize I was looking for humility because I thought it would help me get what I wanted, and that I would do anything for others if I thought God would somehow reward me for it. I try to remember now that the people I meet in the course of my day are as close to God as I am ever going to get while on this earth. I need to pray for knowledge of God's will today, and see how my experience with hope and pain can help other people; if I can do that, I don't need to search for humility, it has found me. JULY 14 A NOURISHING INGREDIENT Where humility had formerly stood for a forced feeding on humble pie, it now begins to mean the nourishing ingredient which can give us serenity. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 74 How often do I focus on my problems and frustrations? When I am having a \"good day\" these same problems shrink in importance and my preoccupation with them dwindles. Wouldn't it be better if I could find a key to unlock the \"magic\" of my \"good days\" for use on the woes of my \"bad days?\" I already have the solution! Instead of trying to run away from my pain and wish my problems away, I can pray for humility! Humility will heal the pain. Humility will take me out of myself. Humility, that strength granted to me by that \"power greater than myself,\" is mine for the asking! Humil-ity will bring balance back into my life. Humility will allow me to accept my humanness joyously. JULY 15 PRIDE For thousands of years we have been demanding more than our share of security, prestige, and romance. When we seemed to be succeeding, we drank to dream still greater dreams. When we were frustrated, even in part, we drank for oblivion. Never was there enough of what we thought we wanted. In all these strivings, so many of them well-intentioned, our crippling handicap had been our lack of humility. W e had lacked the perspective to see that character-building and spiritual values had to come first, and that material satisfactions were not the purpose of living. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 71 Time and again I approached the Seventh Step, only to fall back and regroup. Something was missing and the impact of the Step escaped me. What had I overlooked? A single word: read but ignored, the foundation of all the Steps, indeed the entire Alcoholics Anonymous programthat word is \"humbly.\" I understood my shortcomings: I constantly put tasks off; I angered easily; I felt too much self-pity; and I thought, why me? Then I remembered, \"Pride goeth before the fall,\" and I eliminated pride from my life. JULY 16 \"A MEASURE OF HUMILITY\" In every case, pain had been the price of admission into a new life. But this admission price had purchased more than we expected It brought a measure of humility, which we soon discovered to be a healer of pain. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 75 It was painful to give up trying to control my life, even though success eluded me, and when life got too rough, I drank to escape. Accepting life on life's terms will be mastered through the humility I experience when I turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him. With my life in God's care, fear, uncertainty, and anger are no longer my response to those portions of life that I would rather not have happen to me. The pain of living through these times will be healed by the knowledge that I have received the spiritual strength to survive. JULY 17 SURRENDER AND SELF-EXAMINATION My stability came out of trying to give, not out of demanding that I receive. Thus I think it can work out with emotional sobriety. If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root of it some unhealthy dependency and its consequent unhealthy demand. Let us, with God's help, continually surrender these hobbling demands. Then we can be set free to live and love; we may then be able to Twelfth Step ourselves and others into emotional sobriety. THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 238 Years of dependency on alcohol as a chemical moodchanger deprived me of the capability to interact emotionally with my fellows. I thought I had to be self-sufficient, self-reliant, and self-motivated in a world of unreliable people. Finally I lost my self-respect and was left with dependency, lacking any ability to trust myself or to believe in anything. Surrender and self-examination while sharing with newcomers helped me to ask humbly for help. JULY 18 GRATEFUL FOR WHAT I HAVE During this process of learning more about humility, the most profound result of all was the change in our attitude toward God. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 75 Today my prayers consist mostly of saying thank you to my Higher Power for my sobriety and for the wonder of God's abundance, but I need to ask also for help and the power to carry out His will for me. I no longer need God each minute to rescue me from the situations I get myself into by not doing His will. Now my gratitude seems to be directly linked to humility. As long as I have the humility to be grateful for what I have, God continues to provide for me. JULY 19 FALSE PRIDE Many of us who had thought ourselves religious awoke to the limitations of this attitude. Refusing to place God first, we had deprived ourselves of His help. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 75 Many false notions operate in false pride. The need for direction to live a decent life is satisfied by the hope experienced in the A.A. Fellowship. Those who have walked the way for yearsa day at a timesay that a God-centered life has limitless possibilities for personal growth. This being so, much hope is transmitted by the elder A.A.s. I thank my Higher Power for letting me know that He works through other people, and I thank Him for our trusted servants in the Fellowship who aid new members to reject their false ideals and to adopt those which lead to a life of compassion and trust. The elders in A.A. challenge the newcomers to \"Come To\"so that they can \"Come to Believe.\" I ask my Higher Power to help my unbelief. JULY 20 SHORTCOMINGS REMOVED But now the words \"Of myself I am nothing, the Father doeth the works\" began to carry bright promise and meaning. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 75 When I put the Seventh Step into action I must remember that there are no blanks to fill in. It doesn't say, \"Humbly asked Him to (fill in the blank) remove our shortcomings.\" For years, I filled in the imaginary blank with \"Help me!\" \"Give me the courage to,\" and \"Give me the strength,\" etc. The Step says simply that God will remove my shortcomings. The only footwork I must do is \"humbly ask,\" which for me means asking with the knowledge that of myself I am nothing, the Father within \"doeth the works.\" JULY 21 A PRICELESS GIFT By this time in all probability we have gained some measure of release from our more devastating handicaps. W e enjoy moments in which there is something like real peace of mind. To those of us who have hitherto known only excitement, depression, or anxietyin other words, to all of usthis newfound peace is a priceless gift. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 74 I am learning to let go and let God, to have a mind that is open and a heart that is willing to receive God's grace in all my affairs; in this way I can experience the peace and freedom that come as a result of surrender. It has been proven that an act of surrender, originating in desperation and defeat, can grow into an ongoing act of faith, and that faith means freedom and victory. JULY 22 \"THE GOOD AND THE BAD\" \"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad.\" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76 The joy of life is in the giving. Being freed of my shortcomings, that I may more freely be of service, allows humility to grow in me. My shortcomings can be humbly placed in God's loving care and be removed. The essence of Step Seven is humility, and what better way to seek humility than by giving all of myselfgood and badto God, so that He may remove the bad and return to me the good. JULY 23 I ASK GOD TO DECIDE \"I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows \" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76 Having admitted my powerlessness and made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him, I don't decide which defects get removed, or the order in which defects get removed, or the time frame in which they get removed. I ask God to decide which defects stand in the way of my usefulness to Him and to others, and then I humbly ask Him to remove them. JULY 24 HELPING OTHERS Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 20 Self-centeredness was my problem. All my life people had been doing things for me and I not only expected it, but I was ungrateful and resentful they didn't do more. Why should I help others, when they were supposed to help me? If others had troubles, didn't they deserve them? I was filled with self-pity, anger and resentment. Then I learned that by helping others, with no thought of return, I could overcome this obsession with selfishness, and if I understood humility, I would know peace and serenity. No longer do I need to drink. JULY 25 THOSE WHO STILL SUFFER For us, if we neglect those who are still sick, there is unremitting danger to our own lives and sanity. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 151 I know the torment of drinking compulsively to quiet my nerves and my fears. I also know the pain of whiteknuckled sobriety. Today, I do not forget the unknown person who suffers quietly, withdrawn and hiding in the desperate relief of drinking. I ask my Higher Power to give me His guidance and the courage to be willing to be His instrument to carry within me compassion and unselfish actions. Let the group continue to give me the strength to do with others what I cannot do alone. JULY 26 THE \"WORTH\" OF SOBRIETY Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 160 When I go shopping I look at the prices and if I need what I see, I buy it and pay. Now that I am supposed to be in rehabilitation, I have to straighten out my life. When I go to a meeting, I take a coffee with sugar and milk, sometimes more than one. But at the collection time, I am either too busy to take money out of my purse, or I do not have enough, but I am there because I need this meeting. I heard someone suggest dropping the price of a beer into the basket, and I thought, that's too much! I almost never give one dollar. Like many others, I rely on the more generous members to finance the Fellowship. I forget that it takes money to rent the meeting room, buy my milk, sugar and cups. I will pay, without hesitation, ninety cents for a cup of coffee at a restaurant after the meeting; I always have money for that. So, how much is my sobriety and my inner peace worth? JULY 27 GIVING FREELY W e will make every pers onal sacrifice necessary to insure the unity of Alcoholics Anonymous. W e will do this because we have learned to love God and one another. A.A. COMES OF AGE , p. 234 To be self-supporting through my own contributions was never a strong characteristic during my days as a practicing alcoholic. The giving of time or money always demanded a price tag. As a newcomer I was told \"we have to give it away in order to keep it.\" As I began to adopt the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous in my life, I soon found it was a privilege to give to the Fellowship as an expression of the gratitude I felt in my heart. My love of God and of others became the motivating factor in my life, with no thought of return. I realize now that giving freely is God's way of expressing Himself through me. JULY 28 THOSE WHO STILL SUFFER Let us resist the proud assumption that since God has enabled us to do well in one area we are destined to be a channel of saving grace for everybody. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 232 A.A. groups exist to help alcoholics achieve sobriety. Large or small, firmly established or brand-new, speaker, discussion or study, each group has but one reason for being: to carry the message to the still-suffering alcoholic. The group exists so that the alcoholic can find a new way of life, a life abundant in happiness, joy, and freedom. To recover, most alcoholics need the support of a group of other alcoholics who share their experience, strength and hope. Thus my sobriety, and our program's survival, depend on my determination to put first things first. JULY 29 ANONYMOUS GIFTS OF KINDNESS As active alcoholics we were always looking for a handout in one way or another. \"THE TWELVE TRADITIONS ILLUSTRATED,\" p. 14 The challenge of the Seventh Tradition is a personal challenge, reminding me to share and give of myself. Before sobriety the only thing I ever supported was my habit of drinking. Now my efforts are a smile, a kind word, and kindness. I saw that I had to start carrying my own weight and to allow my new friends to walk with me because, through the practice of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, I've never had it so good. JULY 30 GIVING BACK . . . he has struck something better than gold. . . . He may not see at once that he has barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life and insists on giving away the entire product. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 129 My part of the Seventh Tradition means so much more than just giving money to pay for the coffee. It means being accepted for myself by belonging to a group. For the first time I can be responsible, because I have a choice. I can learn the principles of working out problems in my daily life by getting involved in the \"business\" of A.A. By being self-supporting, I can give back to A.A. what A.A. gave to me! Giving back to A.A. not only ensures my own sobriety, but allows me to buy insurance that A.A. will be here for my grandchildren. JULY 31 A PRAYER FOR ALL SEASONS God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, Courage to change the things we can. And wisdom to know the difference. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 125 The power of this prayer is overwhelming in that its simple beauty parallels the A.A. Fellowship. There are times when I get stuck while reciting it, but if I examine the section which is troubling me, I find the answer to my problem. The first time this happened I was scared, but now I use it as a valuable tool. By accepting life as it is, I gain serenity. By taking action, I gain courage and I thank God for the ability to distinguish between those situations I can work on, and those I must turn over. All that I have now is a gift from God: my life, my usefulness, my contentment, and this program. The serenity enables me to continue walking forward. Alcoholics Anonymous is the easier, softer way.  AUGUST 1 LIVING IT The spiritual life is not a theory. W e have to live it. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83 When new in the program, I couldn't comprehend living the spiritual aspect of the program, but now that I'm sober, I can't comprehend living without it. Spirituality was what I had been seeking. God, as I understand Him, has given me answers to the whys that kept me drinking for twenty years. By living a spiritual life, by asking God for help, I have learned to love, care for and feel compassion for all my fellow men, and to feel joy in a world where, before, I felt only fear. AUGUST 2 WE BECOME WILLING . . . At the moment we are trying to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in itself. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 77 How easily I can become misdirected in approaching the Eighth Step! I wish to be free, somehow transformed by my Sixth and Seventh Step work. Now, more than ever, I am vulnerable to my own self-interest and hidden agenda. I am careful to remember that self-satisfaction, which sometimes comes through the spoken forgiveness of those I have harmed, is not my true objective. I become willing to make amends, knowing that through this process I am mended and made fit to move forward, to know and desire God's will for me. AUGUST 3 ... T O B E O F S E R V I C E Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 77 It is clear that God's plan for me is expressed through love. God loved me enough to take me from alleys and jails so that I could be made a useful participant in His world. My response is to love all of His children through service and by example. I ask God to help me imitate His love for me through my love for others. AUGUST 4 SEEDS OF FAITH Faith, to be sure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing. We can have faith, yet keep God out of our lives. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 34 As a child I constantly questioned the existence of God. To a \"scientific thinker\" like me, no answer could withstand a thorough dissection, until a very patient woman finally said to me, \"You must have faith.\" With that simple statement, the seeds of my recovery were sown! Today, as I practice my recoverycutting back the weeds of alcoholismslowly I am letting those early seeds of faith grow and bloom. Each day of recovery, of ardent gardening, brings the Higher Power of my understanding more fully into my life. My God has always been with me through faith, but it is my responsibility to have the willingness to accept His presence. I ask God to grant me the willingness to do His will. AUGUST 5 LISTENING DEEPLY How persistently we claim the right to decide all by ourselves just what we shall think and just how we shall act TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 37 If I accept and act upon the advice of those who have made the program work for themselves, I have a chance to outgrow the limits of the past. Some problems will shrink to nothingness, while others may require patient, well-thought-out action. Listening deeply when others share can develop intuition in handling problems which arise unexpectedly. It is usually best for me to avoid impetuous action. Attending a meeting or calling a fellow A.A. member will usually reduce tension enough to bring relief to a desperate sufferer like me. Sharing problems at meetings with other alcoholics to whom I relate, or privately with my sponsor, can change aspects of the positions in which I find myself. Character defects are identified and I begin to see how they work against me. When I put my faith in the spiritual power of the program, when I trust others to teach me what I need to do to have a better life, I find that I can trust myself to do what is necessary. AUGUST 6 DRIVEN Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, selfseeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62 My selfishness was the driving force behind my drinking. I drank to celebrate success and I drank to drown my sorrows. Humility is the answer. I learn to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. My sponsor tells me that service keeps me sober. Today I ask myself: Have I sought knowledge of God's will for me? Have I done service for my A.A. group? AUGUST 7 A \"DESIGN FOR LIVING\" W e in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, \"a design for living\" that really works. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 28 I try each day to raise my heart and hands in thanks to God for showing me a \"design for living\" that really works through our beautiful Fellowship. But what, exactly, is this \"design for living\" that \"really works\"? For me, it is the practice of the Twelve Steps to the best of my ability, the continued awareness of a God who loves me uncondition-ally, and the hope that, in each new day, there is a purpose for my being. I am truly, truly blessed in the Fellowship. AUGUST 8 \"MADE A LIST . . .\" Made a list of all persons we had harmed, . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77 When I approached the Eighth Step, I wondered how I could list all the things that I have done to other people since there were so many people, and some of them weren't alive anymore. Some of the hurts I inflicted weren't bad, but they really bothered me. The main thing to see in this Step was to become willing to do whatever I had to do to make these amends to the best of my ability at that par-ticular time. Where there is a will, there's a way, so if I want to feel better, I need to unload the guilt feelings I have. A peaceful mind has no room for feelings of guilt. With the help of my Higher Power, if I am honest with myself, I can cleanse my mind of these feelings. AUGUST 9 \". . . OF ALL PERSONS WE HAD HARMED\" . . . and became willing to make amends to them all. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77 One of the key words in the Eighth Step is the word all. I am not free to select a few names for the list and to disregard others. It is a list of all persons I have harmed. I can see immediately that this Step entails forgiveness because if I'm not willing to forgive someone, there is little chance I will place his name on the list. Before I placed the first name on my list, I said a little prayer: \"I forgive anyone and everyone who has ever harmed me at any time and under any circumstances.\" It is well for me to contemplate a small, but very significant, two-letter word every time the Lord's Prayer is said. The word is as. I ask, \"Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.\" In this case, as means, \"in the same manner.\" I am asking to be forgiven in the same manner that I forgive others. As I say this portion of the prayer, if I am harboring hatred or resentment, I am inviting more resentment, when I should be calling on the spirit of forgiveness. AUGUST 10 REDOUBLING OUR EFFORTS To a degree, he has already done this when taking moral inventory, but now the time has come when he ought to redouble his efforts to see how many people he has hurt, and in what ways. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77 As I continue to grow in sobriety, I become more aware of myself as a person of worth. In the process, I am better able to see others as persons, and with this comes the realization that these were people whom I had hurt in my drinking days. I didn't just lie, I lied about Tom. I didn't just cheat, I cheated Joe. What were seemingly impersonal acts, were really personal affronts, because it was people people of worthwhom I had harmed. I need to do something about the people I have hurt so that I may enjoy a peaceful sobriety. AUGUST 11 REMOVING \"THE GROUND GLASS\" The moral inventory is a cool examination of the damages that occurred to us during life and a sincere effort to look at them in a true perspective. This has the effect of taking the ground glass out of us, the emotional substance that still cuts and inhibits. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 140 My Eighth Step list used to drag me into a whirlpool of resentment. After four years of sobriety, I was blocked by denial connected with an ongoing abusive relationship. The argument between fear and pride eased as the words of the Step moved from my head to my heart. For the first time in years I opened my box of paints and poured out an honest rage, an explosion of reds and blacks and yellows. As I looked at the drawing, tears of joy and relief flowed down my cheeks. In my disease, I had given up my art, a self-inflicted punishment far greater than any imposed from outside. In my recovery, I learned that the pain of my defects is the very substance God uses to cleanse my character and to set me free. AUGUST 12 A LOOK BACKWARD First, we take a look backward and try to discover where we have been at fault; next we make a vigorous attempt to repair the damage we have done; . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77 As a traveler on a fresh and exciting A.A. journey of recovery, I experienced a newfound peace of mind and the horizon appeared clear and bright, rather than obscure and dim. Reviewing my life to discover where I had been at fault seemed to be such an arduous and dangerous task. It was painful to pause and look backward. I was afraid I might stumble! Couldn't I put the past out of my mind and just live in my new golden present? I realized that those in the past whom I had harmed stood between me and my desire to continue my movement toward serenity. I had to ask for courage to face those persons from my life who still lived in my conscience, to recognize and deal with the guilt that their presence produced in me. I had to look at the damage I had done, and become willing to make amends. Only then could my journey of the spirit resume. AUGUST 13 A CLEAN SWEEP . . . and third, having thus cleaned away the debris of the past, we consider how, with our newfound knowledge of ourselves, we may develop the best possible relations with every human being we know. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77 As I faced the Eighth Step, everything that was required for successful completion of the previous seven Steps came together: courage, honesty, sincerity, willingness and thoroughness. I could not muster the strength required for this task at the beginning, which is why this Step reads \"Became willing. . . .\" I needed to develop the courage to begin, the honesty to see where I was wrong, a sincere desire to set things right, thoroughness in making a list, and willingness to take the risks required for true humility. With the help of my Higher Power in developing these virtues, I completed this Step and continued to move forward in my quest for spiritual growth. AUGUST 14 REPAIRING THE DAMAGE We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76 Making a list of people I had harmed was not a particularly difficult thing to do. They had showed up in my Fourth Step inventory: people towards whom I had resentments, real or imagined, and whom I had hurt by acts of retaliation. For my recovery to be thorough, I believed it was not important for those who had legitimately harmed me to make amends to me. What is important in my relationship with God is that I stand before Him, knowing I have done what I can to repair the damage I have done. AUGUST 15 DIDN'T WE HURT ANYBODY? Some of us, though, tripped over a very different snag. W e clung to the claim that when drinking we never hurt anybody but ourselves. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 79 This Step seemed so simple. I identified several people whom I had harmed, but they were no longer available. Still, I was uneasy about the Step and avoided conversations dealing with it. In time I learned to investigate those Steps and areas of my life which made me uncomfortable. My search revealed my parents, who had been deeply hurt by my isolation from them; my employer, who worried about my absences, my memory lapses, my temper; and the friends I had shunned, without explanation. As I faced the reality of the harm I had done, Step Eight took on new meaning. I am no longer uncomfortable and I feel clean and light. AUGUST 16 \"I HAD DROPPED OUT\" We might next ask ourselves what we mean when we say that we have \"harmed\" other people. What kinds of \"harm\" do people do one another, anyway? To define the word \"harm\" in a practical way, we might call it the result of instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual damage to people. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 80 I had been to Eighth Step meetings, always thinking, \"I really haven't harmed many people, mostly myself.\" But the time came when I wrote my list out and it was not as short as I thought it would be. I either liked you, disliked you, or needed something from youit was that simple. People hadn't done what I wanted them to do and intimate rela-tionships were out of hand because of my partners' unreasonable demands. Were these \"sins of omission\"? Because of my drinking, I had \"dropped out\"never sending cards, returning calls, being there for other people, or taking part in their lives. What a grace it has been to look at these relationships, to make my inventories in quiet, alone with the God of my understanding, and to go forth daily, with a willingness to be honest and forthright in my relationships. AUGUST 17 RIGHTING THE HARM In many instances we shall find that though the harm done others has not been great, the emotional harm we have done ourselves has. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 79 Have you ever thought that the harm you did a business associate, or perhaps a family member, was so slight that it really didn't deserve an apology because they probably wouldn't remember it anyway? If that person, and the wrong done to him, keeps coming to mind, time and again, causing an uneasy or perhaps guilty feeling, then I put that person's name at the top of my \"amends list,\" and become willing to make a sincere apology, knowing I will feel calm and relaxed about that person once this very important part of my recovery is accomplished. AUGUST 18 GETTING WELL Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emotional conflicts persist below the level of consciousness. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 79-80 Only through positive action can I remove the remains of guilt and shame brought on by alcohol. Throughout my misadventures when I drank, my friends would say, \"Why are you doing this? You're only hurting yourself.\" Little did I know how true were those words. Although I harmed others, some of my behavior caused grave wounds to my soul. Step Eight provides me with a way of forgiving my-self. I alleviate much of the hidden damage when I make my list of those I have hurt. In making amends, I free myself of burdens, thus contributing to my healing. AUGUST 19 A FRAME OF REFERENCE Referring to our list [inventory] again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 67 There is a wonderful freedom in not needing constant approval from colleagues at work or from the people I love. I wish I had known about this Step before, because once I developed a frame of reference, I felt able to do the next right thing, knowing that the action fit the situation and that it was the correct thing to do. AUGUST 20 TOWARD EMOTIONAL FREEDOM Since defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes, including our alcoholism, no field of investigation could yield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 80 Willingness is a peculiar thing for me in that, over a period of time, it seems to come, first with awareness, but then with a feeling of discomfort, making me want to take some action. As I reflected on taking the Eighth Step, my willingness to make amends to others came as a desire for forgiveness, of others and myself. I felt forgiveness toward others after I became aware of my part in the difficulties of relationships. I wanted to feel the peace and serenity described in the Promises. From working the first seven Steps, I became aware of whom I had harmed and that I had been my own worst enemy. In order to restore my relationships with my fellow human beings, I knew I would have to change. I wanted to learn to live in harmony with myself and others so that I could also live in emotional freedom. The beginning of the end to my isolation from my fellows and from Godcame when I wrote my Eighth Step list. AUGUST 21 WE JUST TRY My stability came out of trying to give, not out of demanding that I receive. THE BEST OF BILL, pp. 46-47 As long as I try, with all my heart and soul, to pass along to others what has been passed along to me, and do not demand anything in return, life is good to me. Before entering this program of Alcoholics Anonymous I was never able to give without demanding something in return. Little did I know that, once I began to give freely of myself, I would begin to receive, without ever expecting or demanding anything at all. What I receive today is the gift of \"stability,\" as Bill did: stability in my A.A. program; within myself; but most of all, in my relationship with my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God. AUGUST 22 SEEKING EMOTIONAL STABILITY When we developed still more, we discovered the best possible source of emotional stability to be God Himself. W e found that dependence upon His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy, and that it would work where nothing else would. If we really depended upon God, we couldn't very well play God to our fellows nor would we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 116 All my life I depended on people for my emotional needs and security, but today I cannot live that way anymore. By the grace of God, I have admitted my powerlessness over people, places and things. I had been a real \"people addict\"; wherever I went there had to be someone who would pay some kind of attention to me. It was the kind of attitude that could only get worse, because the more I depended on others and demanded attention, the less I received. I have given up believing that any human power can relieve me of that empty feeling. Although I remain a fragile human being who needs to work A.A.'s Steps to keep this particular principle before my personality, it is only a loving God who can give me inner peace and emotional stability. AUGUST 23 BRINGING THE MESSAGE HOME Can we bring the same spirit of love and tolerance into our sometimes deranged family lives that we bring to our A.A. group? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 111-12 My family members suffer from the effects of my disease. Loving and accepting them as they are just as I love and accept A.A. membersfosters a return of love, tolerance and harmony to my life. Using common courtesy and respecting others' personal boundaries are necessary practices for all areas of my life. AUGUST 24 A RIDDLE THAT WORKS It may be possible to find explanations of spiritual experiences such as ours, but I have often tried to explain my own and have succeeded only in giving the story of it. I know the feeling it gave me and the results it has brought, but I realize I may never fully understand its deeper why and how. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 313 I had a profound spiritual experience during an open A.A. meeting, which led me to blurt out, \"I'm an alcoholic!\" I have not had a drink since that day. I can tell you the words I heard just prior to my admission, and how those words affected me, but as to why it happened, I do not know. I believe a power greater than myself chose me to recover, yet I do not know why. I try not to worry or wonder about what I do not yet know; instead, I trust that if I continue to work the Steps, practice the A.A. principles in my life, and share my story, I will be guided lovingly toward a deep and mature spirituality in which more will be revealed to me. For the time being, it is a gift for me to trust God, work the Steps and help others. AUGUST 25 THE GIFT OF BONDING Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 63 Many times in my alcoholic state, I drank to establish a bond between myself and others, but I succeeded only in establishing the bondage of alcoholic loneliness. Through the A.A. way of life, I have received the gift of bondingwith those who were there before me, with those who are there now, and with those yet to come. For this gracious gift from God, I am forever grateful. AUGUST 26 GIVING IT AWAY Though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary. It was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves to others. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 159 Those words, for me, refer to a transference of power, through which God, as I understand Him, enters my life. Through prayer and meditation, I open channels, then I establish and improve my conscious contact with God. Through action I then receive the power I need to maintain my sobriety each day. By maintaining my spiritual condition, by giving away what has been so freely given to me, I am granted a daily reprieve. AUGUST 27 CENTERING OUR THOUGHTS When World W ar II broke out, our A. A. dependence on a Higher Power had its first major test. A.A.'s entered the services and were scattered all over the world. Would they be able to take the discipline, stand up under fire, and endure . . . ? AS BILL SEES IT, p. 200 I will center my thoughts on a Higher Power. I will surrender all to this power within me. I will become a soldier for this power, feeling the might of the spiritual army as it exists in my life today. I will allow a wave of spiritual union to connect me through my gratitude, obedience and discipline to this Higher Power. Let me allow this power to lead me through the orders of the day. May the steps I take today strengthen my words and deeds, may I know that the message I carry is mine to share, given freely by this power greater than myself. AUGUST 28 LIGHTENING THE BURDEN Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. . . . the dark past is . . . the key to life and happiness for others. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 124 Since I have been sober, I have been healed of many pains: deceiving my partner, deserting my best friend, and spoiling my mother's hopes for my life. In each case someone in the program told me of a similar problem, and I was able to share what happened to me. When my story was told, both of us got up with lighter hearts. AUGUST 29 I CHOOSE ANONYMITY We are sure that humility, expressed by anonymity, is the greatest safeguard that Alcoholics Anonymous can ever have. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 187 Since there are no rules in A.A. I place myself where I want to be, and so I choose anonymity. I want my God to use me, humbly, as one of His tools in this program. Sacrifice is the art of giving of myself freely, allowing humility to replace my ego. With sobriety, I suppress that urge to cry out to the world, \"I am a member of A.A.\" and I experience inner joy and peace. I let people see the changes in me and hope they will ask what happened to me. I place the principles of spirituality ahead of judging, fault-finding, and criticism. I want love and caring in my group, so I can grow. AUGUST 30 THE ONLY REQUIREMENT . . . \"At one time . . . every A. A. group had many membership rules. Everybody was scared witless that something or somebody would capsize the boat. . . . The total list was a mile long. If all those rules had been in effect everywhere, nobody could have possibly joined A.A. at all, ...\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 139-40 I'm grateful that the Third Tradition only requires of me a desire to stop drinking. I had been breaking promises for years. In the Fellowship I didn't have to make promises, I didn't have to concentrate. It only required my attending one meeting, in a foggy condition, to know I was home. I didn't have to pledge undying love. Here, strangers hugged me. \"It gets better,\" they said, and \"One day at a time, you can do it.\" They were no longer strangers, but caring friends. I ask God to help me to reach out to people desiring sobriety, and to, please, keep me grateful! AUGUST 31 A UNIQUE PROGRAM Alcoholics Anonymous will never have a professional class. We have gained some understanding of the ancient words \"Freely ye have received, freely give.\" W e have discovered that at the point of professionalism, money and spirituality do not mix. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 166 I believe that Alcoholics Anonymous stands alone in the treatment of alcoholism because it is based solely on the principle of one alcoholic sharing with another alcoholic. This is what makes the program unique. When I decided that I wanted to stay sober, I called a woman who I knew was a sober member of A.A., and she carried the message of Alcoholics Anonymous to me. She received no monetary compensation, but rather was paid by staying sober another day herself. Today I could ask for no payment other than another day free from alcohol, so in that respect, I am generously paid for my labor.  SEPTEMBER 1 WILLINGNESS TO GROW If more gifts are to be received, our awakening has to go on. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 8 Sobriety fills the painful \"hole in the soul\" that my alcoholism created. Often I feel so physically well that I believe my work is done. However, joy is not just the absence of pain; it is the gift of continued spiritual awakening. Joy comes from ongoing and active study, as well as application of the principles of recovery in my everyday life, and from sharing that experience with others. My Higher Power presents many opportunities for deeper spiritual awakening. I need only to bring into my recovery the willingness to grow. Today I am ready to grow. SEPTEMBER 2 FINDING \"A REASON TO BELIEVE\" The willi ngness to grow is the essence of all spiritual development. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 171 A line from a song goes, \". . . and I look to find a reason to believe . . .\" It reminds me that at one time I was not able to find a reason to believe that my life was all right. Even though my life had been saved by my coming to A.A., three months later I went out and drank again. Someone told me: \"You don't have to believe. Aren't you willing to believe that there is a reason for your life, even though you may not know yourself what that reason is, or that you may not sometimes know the right way to behave?\" When I saw how willing I was to believe there was a reason for my life, then I could start to work on the Steps. Now when I begin with, \"I am willing. . . ,\" I am using the key that leads to ac-tion, honesty, and an openness to a Higher Power moving through my life. SEPTEMBER 3 BUILDING A NEW LIFE We feel a man is unthinking when he says sobriety is enough. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 82 When I reflect on Step Nine, I see that physical sobriety must be enough for me. I need to remember the hopelessness I felt before I found sobriety, and how I was willing to go to any lengths for it. Physical sobriety is not enough for those around me, however, since I must see that God's gift is used to build a new life for my family and loved ones. Just as importantly, I must be available to help others who want the A.A. way of life. I ask God to help me share the gift of sobriety so that its benefits may be shown to those I know and love. SEPTEMBER 4 RECONSTRUCTION Ye s, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83 The reconstruction of my life is the prime goal in my recovery as I avoid taking that first drink, one day at a time. The task is most successfully accomplished by working the Steps of our Fellowship. The spiritual life is not a theory; it works, but I have to live it. Step Two started me on my journey to develop a spiritual life; Step Nine allows me to move into the final phase of the initial Steps which taught me how to live a spiritual life. Without the guidance and strength of a Higher Power, it would be impossible to proceed through the various stages of reconstruction. I realize that God works for me and through me. Proof comes to me when I realize that God did for me what I could not do for myself, by removing that gnawing compulsion to drink. I must continue daily to seek God's guidance. He grants me a daily reprieve and will provide the power I need for reconstruction. SEPTEMBER 5 EMOTIONAL BALANCE Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 83 When I survey my drinking days, I recall many people whom my life touched casually, but whose days I troubled through my anger and sarcasm. These people are untraceable, and direct amends to them are not possible. The only amends I can make to those untraceable individuals, the only \"changes for the better\" I can offer, are indirect amends made to other people, whose paths briefly cross mine. Courtesy and kindness, regularly practiced, help me to live in emotional balance, at peace with myself. SEPTEMBER 6 REMOVING THREATS TO SOBRIETY . . . except when to do so would injure them or others. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59 Step Nine restores in me a feeling of belonging, not only to the human race but also to the everyday world. First, the Step makes me leave the safety of A.A., so that I may deal with non-A.A. people \"out there,\" on their terms, not mine. It is a frightening but necessary action if I am to get back into life. Second, Step Nine allows me to remove threats to my sobriety by healing past relationships. Step Nine points the way to a more serene sobriety by letting me clear away past wreckage, lest it bring me down. SEPTEMBER 7 \"OUR SIDE OF THE STREET\" We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that nothing worth while can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell him what he should do. His faults are not discussed. W e stick to our own. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 77-78 I made amends to my dad soon after I quit drinking. My words fell on deaf ears since I had blamed him for my troubles. Several months later I made amends to my dad again. This time I wrote a letter in which I did not blame him nor mention his faults. It worked, and at last I understood! My side of the street is all that I'm responsible for and thanks to God and A.A.it's clean for today. SEPTEMBER 8 \"WE ASKED HIS PROTECTION\" We asked His protection and care with complete abandon. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59 I could not manage my life alone. I had tried that road and failed. My \"ultimate sin\" dragged me down to the lowest level I have ever reached and, unable even to function, I accepted the fact that I desperately needed help. I stopped fighting and surrendered entirely to God. Only then did I start growing! God forgave me. A Higher Power had to have saved me, because the doctors doubted that I would survive. I have forgiven myself now and I enjoy a freedom I have never before experienced. I've opened my heart and mind to Him. The more I learn, the less I knowa humbling factbut I sincerely want to keep growing. I enjoy serenity, but only when I entrust my life totally to God. As long as I am honest with myself and ask for His help, I can maintain this rewarding existence. Just for today, I strive to live His will for me soberly. I thank God that today I can choose not to drink. Today, life is beautiful! SEPTEMBER 9 OPENING NEW DOORS They [the Promises] are being fulfilled among us sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 The Promises talked about in this passage are slowly coming to life for me. What has given me hope is putting Step Nine into action. The Step has allowed me to see and set goals for myself in recovery. Old habits and behaviors die hard. Working Step Nine enables me to close the door on the drunk I was, and to open new avenues for myself as a sober alcoholic. Making direct amends is crucial for me. As I repair relationships and behavior of the past, I am better able to live a sober life! Although I have some years of sobriety, there are times when the \"old stuff\" from the past needs to be taken care of, and Step Nine always works, when I work it. SEPTEMBER 10 RECOVERY BY PROXY? They [the Promises] will always materialize if we work for them. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 Sometimes I think: \"Making these amends is going too far! No one should have to humble himself like that!\" However, it is this very humbling of myself that brings me that much closer to the sunlight of the spirit. A.A. is the only hope I have if I am to continue healing and gain a life of happiness, friendship and harmony. SEPTEMBER 11 MAKING AMENDS Above all, we should try to be absolutely sure that we are not delaying because we are afraid. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 87 To have courage, to be unafraid, are gifts of my recovery. They empower me to ask for help and to go forth in making my amends with a sense of dignity and humility. Making amends may require a certain amount of honesty that I feel I lack, yet with the help of God and the wisdom of others, I can reach within and find the strength to act. My amends may be accepted, or they may not, but after they are completed I can walk with a sense of freedom and know that, for today, I am responsible. SEPTEMBER 12 I AM RESPONSIBLE For the readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 87 In recovery, and through the help of Alcoholics Anonymous, I learn that the very thing I fear is my freedom. It comes from my tendency to recoil from taking responsibility for anything: I deny, I ignore, I blame, I avoid. Then one day, I look, I admit, I accept. The freedom, the healing and the recovery I experience is in the looking, admitting and accepting. I learn to say, \"Yes, I am responsible.\" When I can speak those words with honesty and sincerity, then I am free. SEPTEMBER 13 REPAIRING THE DAMAGE Good judgment, a careful sense of timing courage and prudencethese are the qualities we shall need when we take Step Nine. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 83 To make amends can be viewed two ways: first, that of repairing damage, for if I have damaged my neighbor's fence, I \"make a mend,\" and that is a direct amend; the second way is by modifying my behavior, for if my actions have harmed someone, I make a daily effort to cause no further harm. I \"mend my ways,\" and that is an indirect amend. Which is the best approach? The only right approach, provided that I am causing no further harm in so doing, is to do both. If harm is done, then I simply \"mend my ways.\" To take action in this manner assures me of making honest amends. SEPTEMBER 14 PEACE OF MIND Do we lay the matter before our sponsor or spiritual adviser, earnestly asking God's help and guidance meanwhile resolving to do the right thing when it becomes clear, cost what it may? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 86-87 My belief in a Higher Power is an essential part of my work on Step Nine; forgiveness, timing, and right motives are the other ingredients. My willingness to do the Step is a growing experience that opens the door for new and honest relationships with the people I have harmed. My responsible action brings me closer to the spiritual principles of the programlove and service. Peace of mind, serenity, and a stronger faith are sure to follow. SEPTEMBER 15 A NEW LIFE Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. . . . Life will mean something at last ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 152 Life is better without alcohol. A.A. and the presence of a Higher Power keeps me sober, but the grace of God does even better; it brings service into my life. Contact with the A.A. program teaches me a new and greater understanding of what Alcoholics Anonymous is and what it does, but most importantly, it helps to show me who I am: an alco-holic who needs the constant experience of the Alcoholics Anonymous program so that I may live a life given to me by my Higher Power. SEPTEMBER 16 WE STANDOR FALLTOGETHER . . . no society of men and women ever had a more urgent need for continuous effectiveness and permanent unity. W e alcoholics see that we must work together and hang together, else most of us will finally die alone. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 562 Just as the Twelve Steps of A.A. are written in a specific sequence for a reason, so it is with the Twelve Traditions. The First Step and the First Tradition attempt to instill in me enough humility to allow me a chance at survival. Together they are the basic foundation upon which the Steps and Traditions that follow are built. It is a process of ego deflation which allows me to grow as an individual through the Steps, and as a contributing member of a group through the Traditions. Full acceptance of the First Tradition allows me to set aside personal ambitions, fears and anger when they are in conflict with the common good, thus permitting me to work with others for our mutual survival. Without Tradition One I stand little chance of maintaining the unity required to work with others effectively, and I also stand to lose the remaining Traditions, the Fellowship, and my life. SEPTEMBER 17 FREEDOM FROM FEAR When, with God's help, we calmly accepted our lot, then we found we could live at peace with ourselves and show others who still suffered the same fears that they could get over them, too. W e found that freedom from fear was more important than freedom from want. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 122 Material values ruled my life for many years during my active alcoholism. I believed that all of my possessions would make me happy, yet I still felt bankrupt after I obtained them. When I first came into A.A., I found out about a new way of living. As a result of learning to trust others, I began to believe in a power greater than myself. Having faith freed me from the bondage of self. As material gains were replaced by the gifts of the spirit, my life became manageable. I then chose to share my experiences with other alcoholics. SEPTEMBER 18 LOVED BACK TO RECOVERY Our whole treasured philosophy of self-sufficiency had to be cast aside. This had not been done with old-fashioned willpower; it was instead a matter of developing the willingness to accept these new facts of living. W e neither ran nor fought. But accept we did And then we were free. BEST OF THE GRAPEVINE, Vol. I, p. 198 I can be free of my old enslaving self. After a while I recognize, and believe in, the good within myself. I see that I have been loved back to recovery by my Higher Power, who envelops me. My Higher Power becomes that source of love and strength that is performing a continuing miracle in me. I am sober . . . and I am grateful. SEPTEMBER 19 ACCEPTANCE W e admitted we couldn't lick alcohol with our own remaining resources, and so we accepted the further fact that dependence upon a Higher Power (if only our A.A group) could do this hitherto impossible job. The moment we were able to accept these facts fully, our release from the alcohol compulsion had begun. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 109 Freedom came to me only with my acceptance that I could turn my will and my life over to the care of my Higher Power, whom I call God. Serenity seeped into the chaos of my life when I accepted that what I was going through was life, and that God would help me through my difficultiesand much more, as well. Since then He has helped me through all of my difficulties! When I accept situations as they are, not as I wish them to be, then I can begin to grow and have serenity and peace of mind. SEPTEMBER 20 H.P. AS GUIDE See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164 Having a right relationship with God seemed to be an impossible order. My chaotic past had left me filled with guilt and remorse and I wondered how this \"God business\" could work. A.A. told me that I must turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him. With nowhere else to turn, I went down on my knees and cried, \"God, I can't do this. Please help me!\" It was when I admit-ted my powerlessness that a glimmer of light began to touch my soul, and then a willingness emerged to let God control my life. With Him as my guide, great events began to happen, and I found the beginning of sobriety. SEPTEMBER 21 THE LAST PROMISE W e will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 The last Promise in the Big Book came true for me on the very first day of sobriety. God kept me sober that day, and on every other day I allowed Him to operate in my life. He gives me the strength, courage and guidance to meet my responsibilities in life so that I am then able to reach out and help others stay sober and grow. He manifests within me, making me a channel of His word, thought and deed. He works with my inner self, while I produce in the outer world, for He will not do for me what I can do for myself. I must be willing to do His work, so that He can function through me successfully. SEPTEMBER 22 A \"LIMITLESS LODE\" Like a gaunt prospector, belt drawn in over the last ounce of food, our pick struck gold. Joy at our release from a lifetime of frustration knew no bounds. Father feels he has struck something better than gold. For a time he may try to hug the new treasure to himself. He may not see at once that he has barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life and insists on giving away the entire product. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 128-29 When I talk with a newcomer to A.A., my past looks me straight in the face. I see the pain in those hopeful eyes, I extend my hand, and then the miracle happens: / become healed. My problems vanish as I reach out to this trembling soul. SEPTEMBER 23 \"I WAS AN EXCEPTION\" He [Bill W.] said to me, gently and simply, \"Do you think that you are one of us?\" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 413 During my drinking life I was convinced I was an exception. I thought I was beyond petty requirements and had the right to be excused. I never realized that the dark counterbalance of my attitude was the constant feeling that I did not \"belong.\" At first, in A.A., I identified with others only as an alcoholic. What a wonderful awakening for me it has been to realize that, if human beings were doing the best they could, then so was I! All of the pains, confusions and joys they feel are not exceptional, but part of my life, just as much as anybody's. SEPTEMBER 24 VIGILANCE We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again: \"Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic\" Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever. If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 33 Today I am an alcoholic. Tomorrow will be no different. My alcoholism lives within me now and forever. I must never forget what I am. Alcohol will surely kill me if I fail to recognize and acknowledge my disease on a daily basis. I am not playing a game in which a loss is a temporary setback. I am dealing with my disease, for which there is no cure, only daily acceptance and vigilance. SEPTEMBER 25 FIRST THINGS FIRST Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no jobwife or no wifewe simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98 Before coming to A.A., I always had excuses for taking a drink: \"She said . . . ,\" \"He said \"I got fired yesterday,\" \"I got a great job today.\" No area of my life could be good if I drank again. In sobriety my life gets better each day. I must always remember not to drink, to trust God, and to stay active in A.A. Am I putting anything before my sobriety, God, and A.A. today? SEPTEMBER 26 OUR CHILDREN The alcoholic may find it hard to re-establish friendly relations with his children. . . . In time they will see that he is a new man and in their own way they w ill let him know it. . . . From that point on, progress will be rapid. Marvelous results often follow such a reunion. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 134 While on the road to recovery I received a gift that could not be purchased. It was a card from my son in college, saying, \"Dad, you can't imagine how glad I am that everything is okay. Happy Birthday, I love you.\" My son had told me that he loved me before. It had been during the previous Christmas holidays, when he had said to me, while crying, \"Dad, I love you! Can't you see what you're doing to yourself?\" I couldn't. Choked with emotion, I had cried, but this time, when I received my son's card, my tears were tears of joy, not desperation. SEPTEMBER 27 WITHOUT RESERVATION When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, . . . AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37 While practicing service to others, if my successes give rise to grandiosity, I must reflect on what brought me to this point. What has been given joyfully, with love, must be passed on without reservation and without expectation. For as I grow, I find that no matter how much I give with love, I receive much more in spirit. SEPTEMBER 28 LOVE WITHOUT STRINGS Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 89 Sponsorship held two surprises for me. First, that my sponsees cared about me. What I had thought was gratitude was more like love. They wanted me to be happy, to grow and remain sober. Knowing how they felt kept me from drinking more than once. Second, I discovered that I was able to love someone else responsibly, with respectful and genuine concern for that person's growth. Before that time, I had thought that my ability to care sincerely about another's well-being had atrophied from lack of use. To learn that I can love, without greed or anxiety, has been one of the deepest gifts the program has given me. Gratitude for that gift has kept me sober many times. SEPTEMBER 29 EXACTLY ALIKE Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 89 A man came to the meeting drunk, interrupted the speakers, stood up and took his shirt off, staggered loudly back and forth for coffee, demanded to talk, and eventually called the group's secretary an unquotable name and walked out. I was glad he was thereonce again I saw what I had been like. But I also saw what I still am, and what I still could be. I don't have to be drunk to want to be the exception and the center of attention. I have often felt abused and responded abusively when I was simply being treated as a garden variety human being. The more the man tried to insist he was different, the more I realized that he and I were exactly alike. SEPTEMBER 30 THE CIRCLE AND THE TRIANGLE The circle stands for the whole world of A.A., and the triangle stands for A.A.'s Three Legacies of Recovery, Unity, and Service. Within our wonderful new world, we have found freedom from our fatal obsession. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 139 Early in my A.A. life, I became employed in its services and I found the explanation of our society's logo to be very appropriate. First, a circle of love and service with a well-balanced triangle inside, the base of which represents our Recovery through the Twelve Steps. Then the other two sides, representing Unity and Service, respectively. The three sides of the triangle are equal. As I grew in A.A. I soon identified myself with this symbol. I am the circle, and the sides of the triangle represent three aspects of my personality: physical, emotional sanity, spirituality, the latter forming the symbol's base. Taken together, all three aspects of my personality translate into a sober and happy life. OCTOBER 1 LEST WE BECOME COMPLACENT It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. W e are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 When I am in pain it is easy to stay close to the friends I have found in the program. Relief from that pain is provided in the solutions contained in A.A.'s Twelve Steps. But when I am feeling good and things are going well, I can become complacent. To put it simply, I become lazy and turn into the problem instead of the solution. I need to get into action, to take stock: where am I and where am I going? A daily inventory will tell me what I must change to regain spiritual balance. Admitting what I find within myself, to God and to another human being, keeps me honest and humble. OCTOBER 2 \"THE ACID TEST\" As we work the first nine Steps, we prepare ourselves for the adventure of a new life. But when we approach Step Ten we commence to put our A.A. way of living to practical use, day by day, in fair weather or foul Then comes the acid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 88 I know the Promises are being fulfilled in my life, but I want to maintain and develop them by the daily application of Step Ten. I have learned through this Step that if I am disturbed, there is something wrong with me. The other person may be wrong too, but I can only deal with my feelings. When I am hurt or upset, I have to continually look for the cause in me, and then I have to admit and correct my mistakes. It isn't easy, but as long as I know I am progressing spiritually, I know that I can mark my effort up as a job well done. I have found that pain is a friend; it lets me know there is something wrong with my emotions, just as a physical pain lets me know there is something wrong with my body. When I take the appropriate action through the Twelve Steps, the pain gradually goes away. OCTOBER 3 SERENITY AFTER THE STORM Someone who knew what he was talking about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress. How heartily we A.A. 's can agree with him. . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 93-94 When on the roller coaster of emotional turmoil, I remember that growth is often painful. My evolution in the A.A. program has taught me that I must experience the inner change, however painful, that eventually guides me from selfishness to selflessness. If I am to have serenity, I must STEP my way past emotional turmoil and its subsequent hangover, and be grateful for continuing spiritual progress. OCTOBER 4 A NECESSARY PRUNING . . . we know that the pains of drinking had to come before sobriety, and emotional turmoil before serenity. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 94 I love spending time in my garden feeding and pruning my beautiful flowers. One day, as I was busily snipping away, a neighbor stopped by. She commented, \"Oh! Your plants are so beautiful, it seems such a shame to cut them back.\" I replied, \"I know how you feel, but the excess must be removed so they can grow stronger and healthier.\" Later I thought that perhaps my plants feel pain, but God and I know it's part of the plan and I've seen the results. I was quickly reminded of my precious A.A. program and how we all grow through pain. I ask God to prune me when it's time, so I can grow. OCTOBER 5 YESTERDAY'S BAGGAGE For the wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 88 I have more than enough to handle today, without dragging along yesterday's baggage too. I must balance today's books, if I am to have a chance tomorrow. So I ask myself if I have erred and how I can avoid repeating that particular behavior. Did I hurt anyone, did I help anyone, and why? Some of today is bound to spill over into tomorrow, but most of it need not if I make an honest daily inventory. OCTOBER 6 FACING OURSELVES . . . and Fear says, \"You dare not look!\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 49 How often I avoided a task in my drinking days just because it appeared so large! Is it any wonder, even if I have been sober for some time, that I will act that same way when faced with what appears to be a monumental job, such as a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself? What I discover after I have arrived at the other sidewhen my inventory is completedis that the illusion was greater than the reality. The fear of facing myself kept me at a standstill and, until I became willing to put pencil to paper, I was arresting my growth based on an intangible. OCTOBER 7 DAILY MONITORING Continued to take personal inventory. . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 88 The spiritual axiom referred to in the Tenth Step \"every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us\" also tells me that there are no exceptions to it. No matter how unreasonable others may seem, I am responsible for not reacting negatively. Regardless of what is happening around me I w ill always have the prerogative, and the responsibility, of choosing what happens within me. I am the creator of my own reality. When I take my daily inventory, I know that I must stop judging others. If I judge others, I am probably judging myself. Whoever is upsetting me most is my best teacher. I have much to learn from him or her, and in my heart, I should thank that person. OCTOBER 8 DAILY INVENTORY . . . and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59 I was beginning to approach my new life of sobriety with unaccustomed enthusiasm. New friends were cropping up and some of my battered friendships had begun to be repaired. Life was exciting, and I even began to enjoy my work, becoming so bold as to issue a report on the lack of proper care for some of our clients. One day a co-worker informed me that my boss was really sore because a complaint, submitted over his head, had caused him much discomfort at the hands of his superiors. I knew that my report had created the problem, and began to feel responsible for my boss's difficulty. In discussing the affair, my co-worker tried to reassure me that an apology was not necessary, but I soon became convinced that I had to do something, regardless of how it might turn out. When I approached my boss and owned up to my hand in his difficulties, he was surprised. But unexpected things came out of our encounter, and my boss and I were able to agree to interact more directly and effectively in the future. OCTOBER 9 A SPIRITUAL AXIOM It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 90 I never truly understood the Tenth Step's spiritual axiom until I had the following experience. I was sitting in my bedroom, reading into the wee hours, when suddenly I heard my dogs barking in the back yard. My neighbors frown on this kind of disturbance so, with mixed feelings of anger and shame, as well as fear of my neighbors' disapproval, I immediately called in my dogs. Several weeks later the exact situation repeated itself but this time, because I was feeling more at peace with myself, I was able to accept the situationdogs will barkand I calmly called in the dogs. Both incidents taught me that when a person experiences nearly identical events and reacts two different ways, then it is not the event which is of prime importance, but the person's spiritual condition. Feelings come from inside, not from outward circumstances. When my spiritual condition is positive, I react positively. OCTOBER 10 FIXING ME, NOT YOU If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 90 What a freedom I felt when this passage was pointed out to me! Suddenly I saw that I could do something about my anger, I could fix me, instead of trying to fix them. I believe that there are no exceptions to the axiom. When I am angry, my anger is always self-centered. I must keep reminding myself that I am human, that I am doing the best I can, even when that best is sometimes poor. So I ask God to remove my anger and truly set me free. OCTOBER 11 SELF-RESTRAINT Our first objective will be the development of self-restraint. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 91 My drive to work provides me with an opportunity for selfexamination. One day while making this trip, I began to review my progress in sobriety, and was not happy with what I saw. I hoped that, as the work day progressed, I would forget these troublesome thoughts, but as one disappointment after another kept coming, my discontent only increased, and the pressures within me kept mounting. I retreated to an isolated table in the lounge, and asked myself how I could make the most of the rest of the day. In the past, when things went wrong, I instinctively wanted to fight back. But during the short time I had been trying to five the A.A. program I had learned to step back and take a look at myself. I recognized that, although I was not the person I wanted to be, I had learned to not react in my old ways. Those old patterns of behavior only brought sorrow and hurt, to me and to others. I returned to my work station, determined to make the day a productive one, thanking God for the chance to make progress that day. OCTOBER 12 CURBING RASHNESS When we speak or act hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 91 Being fair-minded and tolerant is a goal toward which I must work daily. I ask God, as I understand Him, to help me to be loving and tolerant to my loved ones, and to those with whom I am in close contact. I ask for guidance to curb my speech when I am agitated, and I take a moment to reflect on the emotional upheaval my words may cause, not only to someone else, but also to myself. Prayer, meditation and inventories are the key to sound thinking and positive action for me. OCTOBER 13 UNREMITTING INVENTORIES Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. W e discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 The immediate admission of wrong thoughts or actions is a tough task for most human beings, but for recovering alcoholics like me it is difficult because of my propensity toward ego, fear and pride. The freedom the A.A. program offers me becomes more abundant when, through unremitting inventories of myself, I admit, acknowledge and accept responsibility for my wrong-doing. It is possible then for me to grow into a deeper and better understanding of humility. My willingness to admit when the fault is mine facilitates the progression of my growth and helps me to become more understanding and helpful to others. OCTOBER 14 A PROGRAM FOR LIVING When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. . . . On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. . . . Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86 I lacked serenity. With more to do than seemed possible, I fell further behind, no matter how hard I tried. Worries about things not done yesterday and fear of tomorrow's deadlines denied me the calm I needed to be effective each day. Before taking Steps Ten and Eleven, I began to read passages like the one cited above. I tried to focus on God's will, not my problems, and to trust that He would manage my day. It worked! Slowly, but it worked! OCTOBER 15 MY CHECKLIST, NOT YOURS Gossip barbed with our anger, a polite form of murder by character assassination, has its satisfactions for us, too. Here we are not trying to help those we criticize; we are trying to proclaim our own righteousness. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 67 Sometimes I don't realize that I gossiped about someone until the end of the day, when I take an inventory of the day's activities, and then, my gossiping appears like a blemish in my beautiful day. How could I have said something like that? Gossip shows its ugly head during a coffee break or lunch with business associates, or I may gossip during the evening, when I'm tired from the day's activities, and feel justified in bolstering my ego at the expense of someone else. Character defects like gossip sneak into my life when I am not making a constant effort to work the Twelve Steps of recovery. I need to remind myself that my uniqueness is the blessing of my being, and that applies equally to everyone who crosses my path in life's journey. Today the only inventory I need to take is my own. I'll leave judgment of others to the Final JudgeDivine Providence. OCTOBER 16 THROUGHOUT EACH DAY This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 During my early years in A. A. I saw Step Ten as a suggestion that I periodically look at my behavior and reactions. If there was something wrong, I should admit it; if an apology was necessary, I should give one. After a few years of sobriety I felt I should undertake a self-examination more frequently. Not until several more years of sobriety had elapsed did I realize the full meaning of Step Ten, and the word \"continued.\" \"Continued\" does not mean occasionally, or frequently. It means throughout each day. OCTOBER 17 A DAILY TUNE-UP Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 How do I maintain my spiritual condition? For me it's quite simple: on a daily basis I ask my Higher Power to grant me the gift of sobriety for that day! I have talked to many alcoholics who have gone back to drinking and I always ask them: \"Did you pray for sobriety the day you took your first drink?\" Not one of them said yes. As I practice Step Ten and try to keep my house in order on a daily basis, I have the knowledge that if I ask for a daily reprieve, it will be granted. OCTOBER 18 AN OPEN MIND True humility and an open mind can lead us to faith, . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 33 My alcoholic thinking led me to believe that I could control my drinking, but I couldn't. When I came to A.A., I realized that God was speaking to me through my group. My mind was open just enough to know that I needed His help. A real, honest acceptance of AA. took more time, but with it came humility. I know how insane I was, and I am ex-tremely grateful to have my sanity restored to me and to be a sober alcoholic. The new, sober me is a much better person than I ever could have been without A.A. OCTOBER 19 A.A'S \"MAIN TAPROOT\" The principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole Society has sprung and flowered. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 21-22 Defeated, and knowing it, I arrived at the doors of A.A., alone and afraid of the unknown. A power outside of myself had picked me up off my bed, guided me to the phone book, then to the bus stop, and through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. Once inside A.A. I experienced a sense of being loved and accepted, something I had net felt since early childhood. May I never lose the sense of won-der I experienced on that first evening with A.A., the greatest event of my entire life. OCTOBER 20 SOLACE FOR CONFUSION Obviously, the dilemma of the wanderer from faith is that of profound confusion. He thinks himself lost to the comfort of any conviction at all He cannot attain in even a small degree the assurance of the believer, the agnostic, or the atheist. He is the bewildered one. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 28 The concept of God was one that I struggled with during my early years of sobriety. The images that came to me, conjured from my past, were heavy with fear, rejection and condemnation. Then I heard my friend Ed's image of a Higher Power: As a boy he had been allowed a Utter of puppies, provided that he assume responsibility for their care. Each morning he would find the unavoidable \"by-products\" of the puppies on the kitchen floor. Despite frustration, Ed said he couldn't get angry because \"that's the nature of puppies.\" Ed felt that God viewed our defects and shortcomings with a similar understanding and warmth. I've often found solace from my personal confusion in Ed's calming concept of God. OCTOBER 21 NOTHING GROWS IN THE DARK W e will want the good that is in us all, even in the worst of us, to flower and to grow. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 10 With the self-discipline and insight gained from practicing Step Ten, I begin to know the gratifications of sobrietynot as mere abstinence from alcohol, but as recovery in every department of my life. I renew hope, regenerate faith, and regain the dignity of self-respect. I discover the word \"and\" in the phrase \"and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.\" Reassured that I am no longer always wrong, I learn to accept myself as I am, with a new sense of the miracles of sobriety and serenity. OCTOBER 22 TRUE TOLERANCE Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 92 The thought occurred to me that all people are emotionally ill to some extent. How could we not be? Who among us is spiritually perfect? Who among us is physically perfect? How could any of us be emotionally perfect? Therefore, what else are we to do but bear with one another and treat each other as we would be treated in similar circum-stances? That is what love really is. OCTOBER 23 WHAT WE KNOW BEST \"Shoemaker, stick to thy last!\" . . . better do one thing supremely well than many badly. That is the central theme of this Tradition [Five]. Around it our Society gathers in unity. The very life of our Fellowship requires the preservation of this principle. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 150 The survival of A.A. depends upon unity. What would happen if a group decided to become an employment agency, a treatment center or a social service agency? Too much specialization leads to no specialization, to frittering of efforts and, finally, to decline. I have the qualifications to share my sufferings and my way of recovery with the newcomer. Conformity to A.A.'s primary purpose insures the safety of the wonderful gift of sobriety, so my re-sponsibility is enormous. The life of millions of alcoholics is closely tied to my competence in \"carrying the message to the still-suffering alcoholic.\" OCTOBER 24 \"BY FAITH AND BY WORKS\" On anvils of experience, the structure of our Society was hammered out. . . . Thus has it been with A.A. By faith and by works we have been able to build upon the lessons of an incredible experience. They live today in the Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous, whichGod willingshall sustain us in unity for so long as He may need us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 131 God has allowed me the right to be wrong in order for our Fellowship to exist as it does today. If I place God's will first in my life, it is very likely that A.A. as I know it today will remain as it is. OCTOBER 25 A.A.'s HEARTBEAT Without unity, the heart of A.A. would cease to beat; . . . AS BILL SEES IT, p. 125 Without unity I would be unable to recover in A.A. on a daily basis. By practicing unity within my group, with other A.A. members and at all levels of this great Fellowship, I receive a pronounced feeling of knowing that I am a part of a miracle that was divinely inspired. The ability of Bill W. and Dr. Bob, working together and passing it on to other members, tells me that to give it away is to keep it. Unity is oneness and yet the whole Fellowship is for all of us. OCTOBER 26 ONE ULTIMATE AUTHORITY For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 132 When I am chosen to carry some small responsibility for my fellows, I ask that God grant me the patience, open-mindedness, and willingness to listen to those I would lead. I must remind myself that I am the trusted servant of others, not their \"governor,\" \"teacher,\" or \"instructor.\" God guides my words and my actions, and my responsibility is to heed His suggestions. Trust is my watchword, I trust others who lead. In the Fellowship of A.A., I entrust God with the ultimate authority of \"running the show.\" OCTOBER 27 GLOBAL SHARING The only thing that matters is that he is an alcoholic who has found a key to sobriety. These legacies of suffering and of recovery are easily passed among alcoholics, one to the other. This is our gift from God, and its bestowal upon others like us is the one aim that today animates A. A. 's all around the globe. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 151 The strength of Alcoholics Anonymous lies in the desire of each member and of each group around the world to share with other alcoholics their suffering and the steps taken to gain, and maintain, recovery. By keeping a conscious contact with my Higher Power, I make sure that I always nurture my desire to help other alcoholics, thus insuring the continuity of the wonderful fraternity of Alcoholics Anonymous. OCTOBER 28 AN UNBROKEN TRADITION We conceive the survival and spread of Alcoholics Anonymous to be something of far greater importance than the weight we could collectively throw back of any other cause. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 177 How much it means to me that an unbroken tradition of more than half a century is a thread that connects me to Bill W. and Dr. Bob. How much more grounded I feel to be in a Fellowship whose aims are constant and unflagging. I am grateful that the energies of A.A. have never been scattered, but focused instead on our members and on individual sobriety. My beliefs are what make me human; I am free to hold any opinion, but A.A.'s purposeso clearly stated fifty years agois for me to keep sober. That purpose has promoted round-the-clock meeting schedules, and the thousands of intergroup and central service offices, with their thousands of volunteers. Like the sun focused through a magnifying glass, A.A.'s single vision has lit a fire of faith in sobriety in millions of hearts, including mine. OCTOBER 29 OUR SURVIVAL Since recovery from alcoholism is life itself to us, it is imperative that we preserve in full strength our means of survival. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 177 The honesty expressed by the members of A.A. in meetings has the power to open my mind. Nothing can block the flow of energy that honesty carries with it. The only obstacle to this flow of energy is inebriation, but even then, no one will find a closed door if he or she has left and chooses to return. Once he or she has received the gift of sobriety, each A.A. member is challenged on a daily basis to accept a program of honesty. My Higher Power created me for a purpose in life. I ask him to accept my honest efforts to continue on my journey in the spiritual way of life. I call on Him for strength to know and seek His will. OCTOBER 30 LIVE AND LET LIVE Never since it began has Alcoholics Anonymous been divided by a major controversial issue. Nor has our Fellowship ever publicly taken sides on any question in an embattled world. This, however, has been no earned virtue. It could almost be said that we were born with it. . . . \"So long as we don't argue these matters privately, it's a cinch we never shall publicly.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 176 Do I remember that I have a right to my opinion but that others don't have to share it? That's the spirit of \"Live and Let Live.\" The Serenity Prayer reminds me, with God's help, to \"Accept the things I cannot change.\" Am I still trying to change others? When it comes to \"Courage to change the things I can,\" do I remember that my opinions are mine, and yours are yours? Am I still afraid to be me? When it comes to \"Wisdom to know the difference,\" do I remember that my opinions come from my experience? If I have a know-it-all attitude, aren't I being deliberately controversial? OCTOBER 31 AVOIDING CONTROVERSY All history affords us the spectacle of striving nations and groups finally torn asunder because they were designed for, or tempted into, controversy. Others fell apart because of sheer self-righteousness while trying to enforce upon the rest of mankind some millennium of their own specification. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 176 As an A.A. member and sponsor, I know I can cause real damage if I yield to temptation and give opinions and advice on another's medical, marital, or religious problems. I am not a doctor, counselor, or lawyer. I cannot tell anyone how he or she should live; however, I can share how I came through similar situations without drinking, and how A.A.'s Steps and Traditions help me in dealing with my life.  NOVEMBER 1 I CANNOT CHANGE THE WIND is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. W e are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 My first sponsor told me there were two things to say about prayer and meditation: first, I had to start and second, I had to continue. When I came to A.A. my spiritual life was bankrupt; if I considered God at all, He was to be called upon only when my self-will was incapable of a task or when overwhelming fears had eroded my ego. Today I am grateful for a new life, one in which my prayers are those of thanksgiving. My prayer time is more for listening than for talking. I know today that if I cannot change the wind, I can adjust my sail. I know the difference between superstition and spirituality. I know there is a graceful way of being right, and many ways to be wrong. NOVEMBER 2 KEEPING OPTIMISM AFLOAT The other Steps can keep most of us sober and somehow functioning. But Step Eleven can keep us growing . . . THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 240 A sober alcoholic finds it much easier to be optimistic about life. Optimism is the natural result of my finding myself gradually able to make the best, rather than the worst, of each situation. As my physical sobriety continues, I come out of the fog, gain a clearer perspective and am better able to determine what courses of action to take. As vital as physical sobriety is, I can achieve a greater poten-tial for myself by developing an ever-increasing willingness to avail myself of the guidance and direction of a Higher Power. My ability to do so comes from my learningand practicingthe principles of the A.A. program. The melding of my physical and spiritual sobriety produces the substance of a more positive life. NOVEMBER 3 FOCUSING AND LISTENING There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 98 If I do my self-examination first, then surely, I'll have enough humility to pray and meditatebecause I'll see and feel my need for them. Some wish to begin and end with prayer, leaving the self-examination and meditation to take place in between, whereas others start with meditation, listening for advice from God about their still hidden or unacknowledged defects. Still others engage in written and verbal work on their defects, ending with a prayer of praise and thanksgiving. These three-self-examination, meditation and prayerform a circle, without a beginning or an end. No matter where, or how, I start, I eventually arrive at my destination: a better life. NOVEMBER 4 A DAILY DISCIPLINE . . . when they [self-examination, meditation and prayer] are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 98 The last three Steps of the program invoke God's loving discipline upon my willful nature. If I devote just a few moments every night to a review of the highlights of my day, along with an acknowledgement of those aspects that didn't please me so much, I gain a personal history of myself, one that is essential to my journey into self-discovery. I was able to note my growth, or lack of it, and to ask in prayerful meditation to be relieved of those con-tinuing shortcomings that cause me pain. Meditation and prayer also teach me the art of focusing and listening. I find that the turmoil of the day gets tuned out as I pray for His will and guidance. The practice of asking Him to help me in my strivings for perfection puts a new slant on the tedium of any day, because I know there is honor in any job done well. The daily discipline of prayer and meditation will keep me in fit spiritual condition, able to face whatever the day bringswithout the thought of a drink. NOVEMBER 5 \"THE QUALITY OF FAITH\" This . . . has to do with the quality of faith. . . . In no deep or meaningful sense had we ever taken stock of ourselves. . . . W e had not even prayed rightly. W e had always said, \"Grant me my wishes\" instead of \"Thy will be done.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 32 God does not grant me material possessions, take away my suffering, or spare me from disasters, but He does give me a good life, the ability to cope, and peace of mind. My prayers are simple: first, they express my gratitude for the good things in my life, regardless of how hard I have to search for them; and second, I ask only for the strength and the wisdom to do His will. He answers with solutions to my problems, sustaining my ability to live through daily frustrations with a serenity I did not believe existed, and with the strength to practice the principles of A.A. in all of my everyday affairs. NOVEMBER 6 GOING WITH THE FLOW Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him. . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 96 The first words I speak when arising in the morning are, \"I arise, O God, to do Thy will.\" This is the shortest prayer I know and it is deeply ingrained in me. Prayer doesn't change God's attitude toward me; it changes my attitude toward God. As distinguished from prayer, meditation is a quiet time, without words. To be centered is to be physically relaxed, emotionally calm, mentally focused and spiritually aware. One way to keep the channel open and to improve my conscious contact with God is to maintain a grateful attitude. On the days when I am grateful, good things seem to happen in my life. The instant I start cursing things in my life, however, the flow of good stops. God did not interrupt the flow; my own negativity did. NOVEMBER 7 LET GO AND LET GOD . . . praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 96 When I \"Let Go and Let God,\" I think more clearly and wisely. Without having to think about it, I quickly let go of things that cause me immediate pain and discomfort. Because I find it hard to let go of the kind of worrisome thoughts and attitudes that cause me immense anguish, all I need do during those times is allow God, as I understand Him, to release them for me, and then and there, I let go of the thoughts, memories and attitudes that are troubling me. When I receive help from God, as I understand Him, I can live my life one day at a time and handle whatever challenges that come my way. Only then can I live a life of victory over alcohol, in comfortable sobriety. NOVEMBER 8 AN INDIVIDUAL ADVENTURE Meditation is something which can always be further developed. It has no boundaries, either of width or height. Aided by such instruction and example as we can find, it is essentially an individual adventure, something which each one of us works out in his own way. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 101 My spiritual growth is with God as I understand Him. With Him I find my true inner self. Daily meditation and prayer strengthen and renew my source of well-being. I receive then the openness to accept all that He has to offer. With God I have the reassurance that my journey will be as He wants for me, and for that I am grateful to have God in my life. NOVEMBER 9 STEPPING INTO THE SUNLIGHT But first of all we shall want sunlight; nothing much can grow in the dark. Meditation is our step out into the sun. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 10 Sometimes I think I don't have time for prayer and meditation, forgetting that I always found the time to drink. It is possible to make time for anything I want to do if I want it badly enough. When I start the routine of prayer and meditation, it's a good idea to plan to devote a small amount of time to it. I read a page from our Fellowship's books in the morning, and say \"Thank You, God,\" when I go to bed at night. As prayer becomes a habit, I will in-crease the time spent on it, without even noticing the foray it makes into my busy day. If I have trouble praying, I just repeat the Lord's Prayer because it really covers everything. Then I think of what I can be grateful for and say a word of thanks. I don't need to shut myself in a closet to pray. It can be done even in a room full of people. I just remove myself mentally for an instant. As the practice of prayer continues, I will find I don't need words, for God can, and does, hear my thoughts through silence. NOVEMBER 10 A SENSE OF BELONGING Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation and prayer is the sense of belonging that comes to us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105 That's what it isbelonging! After a session of meditation I knew that the feeling I was experiencing was a sense of belonging because I was so relaxed. I felt quieter inside, more willing to discard little irritations. I appreciated my sense of humor. What I also experience in my daily practice is the sheer pleasure of belonging to the creative flow of God's world. How propitious for us that prayer and meditation are written right into our A.A. way of life. NOVEMBER 11 SELF-ACCEPTANCE We know that God lovingly watches over us. W e know that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us, here and hereafter. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105 I pray for the willingness to remember that I am a child of God, a divine soul in human form, and that my most basic and urgent life-task is to accept, know, love and nurture myself. As I accept myself, I am accepting God's will. As I know and love myself, I am knowing and loving God. As I nurture myself I am acting on God's guidance. I pray for the willingness to let go of my arrogant selfcriticism, and to praise God by humbly accepting and caring for myself. NOVEMBER 12 MORNING THOUGHTS Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164 For many years I pondered over God's will for me, believing that perhaps a great destiny had been ordained for my life. After all, having been born into a specific faith, hadn't I been told early that I was \"chosen\"? It finally occurred to me, as I considered the above passage, that God's will for me was simply that I practice Step Twelve on a daily basis. Furthermore, I realized I should do this to the best of my ability. I soon learned that the practice aids me in keeping my life in the context of the day at hand. NOVEMBER 13 LOOKING OUTWARD We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no requests for ourselves only. W e may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped W e are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 87 As an active alcoholic, I allowed selfishness to run rampant in my life. I was so attached to my drinking and other selfish habits that people and moral principles came second. Now, when I pray for the good of others rather than my \"own selfish ends,\" I practice a discipline in letting go of selfish attachments, caring for my fellows and preparing for the day when I will be required to let go of all earthly attachments. NOVEMBER 14 INTUITION AND INSPIRATION . . we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought >r a decision. W e relax and take it easy. W e don't struggle. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86 [ invest my time in what I truly love. Step Eleven is a discipline that allows me and my Higher Power to be together, reminding me that, with God's help, intuition and inspiration are possible. Practice of the Step brings on self-love. In a consistent attempt to improve my conscious contact with a Higher Power, I am subtly reminded of my unhealthy past, with its patterns of grandiose thinking and false feelings of omnipotence. When I ask for the power to carry out God's will for me, I am made aware of my powerlessness. Humility and a healthy self-love are compatible, a direct result of working Step Eleven. NOVEMBER 15 VITAL SUSTENANCE Those of us who have come to make regular use of prayer would no more do without it than we would refuse air, food, or sunshine. And for the same reason. When we refuse air, light, or food, the body suffers. And when we turn away from meditation and prayer, we likewise deprive our minds, our emotions, and our intuitions of vitally needed support. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 97 Step Eleven doesn't have to overwhelm me. Conscious contact with God can be as simple, and as profound, as conscious contact with another human being. I can smile. I can listen. I can forgive. Every encounter with another is an opportunity for prayer, for acknowledging God's presence within me. Today I can bring myself a little closer to my Higher Power. The more I choose to seek the beauty of God's work in other people, the more certain of His presence I will become. NOVEMBER 16 A DAILY REPRIEVE What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 Maintaining my spiritual condition is like working out every day, planning for the marathon, swimming laps, jogging. It's staying in good shape spiritually, and that requires prayer and meditation. The single most important way for me to improve my conscious contact with a Higher Power is to pray and meditate. I am as powerless over alcohol as I am to turn back the waves of the sea; no human force had the power to overcome my alcoholism. Now I am able to breathe the air of joy, happiness and wisdom. I have the power to love and react to events around me with the eyes of a faith in things that are not readily apparent. My daily reprieve means that, no matter how difficult or painful things appear today, I can draw on the power of the program to stay liberated from my cunning, baffling and powerful illness. NOVEMBER 17 OVERCOMING LONELINESS Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by loneliness Even before our drinking got bad and people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered the feeling that we didn't quite belong. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 90 The agonies and the void that I often felt inside occur less and less frequently in my life today. I have learned to cope with solitude. It is only when I am alone and calm that I am able to communicate with God, for He cannot reach me when I am in turmoil. It is good to maintain contact with God at all times, but it is absolutely essential that, when everything seems to go wrong, I maintain that contact through prayer and meditation. NOVEMBER 18 A SAFETY NET Occasionally. . . . W e are seized with a rebellion so sickening that we simply won't pray. When these things happen we should not think too ill of ourselves. W e should simply resume prayer as soon as we can, doing what we know to be good for us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105 Sometimes I scream, stomp my feet, and turn my back on my Higher Power. Then my disease tells me that I am a failure, and that if I stay angry I'll surely get drunk. In those moments of self-will it's as if I've slipped over a cliff and am hanging by one hand. The above passage is my safety net, in that it urges me to try some new behavior, such as being kind and patient with myself. It assures me that my Higher Power will wait until I am willing once again to risk letting go, to land in the net, and to pray. NOVEMBER 19 \"I WAS SLIPPING FAST\" We A.A.'s are active folk, enjoying the satisfactions of dealing with the realities of life, . . . So it isn't surprising that we often tend to slight serious meditation and prayer as something not really necessary. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 96 I had been slipping away from the program for some time, but it took a death threat from a terminal disease to bring me back, and particularly to the practice of the Eleventh Step of our blessed Fellowship. Although I had fifteen years of sobriety and was still very active in the program, I knew that the quality of my sobriety had slipped badly. Eighteen months later, a checkup revealed a malignant tumor and a prognosis of certain death within six months. Despair settled in when I enrolled in a rehab program, after which I suffered two small strokes which revealed two large brain tumors. As I kept hitting new bottoms I had to ask myself why this was happening to me. God allowed me to rec-ognize my dishonesty and to become teachable again. Miracles began to happen. But primarily I relearned the whole meaning of the Eleventh Step. My physical condition has improved dramatically, but my illness is minor compared to what I almost lost completely. NOVEMBER 20 \"THY WILL, NOT MINE\" . . . when making specific requests, it will be well to add to each one of them this qualification. \". . . if it be Thy will\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 102 I ask simply that throughout the day God place in me the best understanding of His w ill that I can have for that day, and that I be given the grace by which I may carry it out. As the day goes on, I can pause when facing situations that must be met and decisions that must be made, and renew the simple request: \"Thy will, not mine, be done.\" I must always keep in mind that in every situation I am responsible for the effort and God is responsible for the outcome. I can \"Let Go and Let God\" by humbly repeating: \"Thy will, not mine, be done.\" Patience and persistence in seeking His will for me will free me from the pain of selfish expectations. NOVEMBER 21 A CLASSIC PRAYER Lord, make me a channel for thy peacethat where there is hatred, I may bring lovethat where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgivenessthat where there is discord, I may bring harmonythat where there is error, I may bring truththat where there is doubt, I may bring faiththat where there is despair, I may bring hopethat where there are shadows, I may bring lightthat where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comfortedto under-stand, than to be understoodto love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 99 No matter where I am in my spiritual growth, the St. Francis prayer helps me improve my conscious contact with the God of my understanding. I think that one of the great advantages of my faith in God is that I do not understand Him, or Her, or It. It may be that my relationship with my Higher Power is so fruitful that I do not have to understand. All that I am certain of is that if I work the Eleventh Step regularly, as best I can, I will continue to improve my conscious contact, I will know His will NOVEMBER 22 ONLY TWO SINS . . . there are only two sins; the first is to interfere with the growth of another human being, and the second is to interfere with one's own growth. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 542 Happiness is such an elusive state. How often do my \"prayers\" for others involve \"hidden\" prayers for my own agenda? How often is my search for happiness a boulder in the path of growth for another, or even myself? Seeking growth through humility and acceptance brings things that appear to be anything but good, wholesome and vital. Yet in looking back, I can see that pain, struggles and setbacks have all contributed eventually to serenity through growth in the program. I ask my Higher Power to help me not cause another's lack of growth todayor my own. NOVEMBER 23 \"HOLD YOUR FACE TO THE LIGHT\" Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the Light, even though for the moment you do not see. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 3 One Sunday in October, during my morning meditation, I glanced out the window at the ash tree in our front yard. At once I was overwhelmed by its magnificent, golden color! As I stared in awe at God's work of art, the leaves began to fall and, within minutes, the branches were bare. Sadness came over me as I thought of the winter months ahead, but just as I was reflecting on autumn's annual process, God's message came through. Like the trees, stripped of their leaves in the fall, sprout new blossoms in the spring, I had had my compulsive, selfish ways removed by God in order for me to blossom into a sober, joyful member of A.A. Thank you, God, for the changing seasons and for my ever-changing life. NOVEMBER 24 A UNIVERSAL SEARCH Be quick to see where religious people are right Make use of what they offer. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 87 I do not claim to have all the answers in spiritual matters, any more than I claim to have all the answers about alcoholism. There are others who are also engaged in a spiritual search. If I keep an open mind about what others have to say, I have much to gain. My sobriety is greatly enriched, and my practice of the Eleventh Step more fruitful, when I use both the literature and practices of my Judeo-Christian tradition, and the resources of other religions. Thus, I receive support from many sources in staying away from the first drink. NOVEMBER 25 A POWERFUL TRADITION In the years before the publication of the book, \"Alcoholics Anonymous,\" we had no name. . . . By a narrow majority the verdict was for naming our book \"The W ay Out\" . . . One of our early lone members . . . found exactly twelve books already titled \"The W ay Out\" ... S o \"Alcoholics Anonymous\" became first choice. That's how we got a name for our book of experience, a name for our movement and, as we are now beginning to see, a tradition of the greatest spiritual import. \"A.A. TRADITION: HOW IT DEVELOPED,\" pp. 35-36 Beginning with Bill's momentous decision in Akron to make a telephone call rather than a visit to the hotel bar, how often has a Higher Power made itself felt at crucial moments in our history! The eventual importance that the principle of anonymity would acquire was but dimly perceived, if at all, in those early days. There seems to have been an element of chance even in the choice of a name for our Fellowship. God is no stranger to anonymity and often appears in human affairs in the guises of \"luck,\" \"chance,\" or \"coincidence.\" If anonymity, somewhat fortuitously, became the spiritual basis for all of our Traditions, perhaps God was acting anonymously on our behalf. NOVEMBER 26 THE HAZARDS OF PUBLICITY People who symbolize causes and ideas fill a deep human need. W e of A.A. do not question that. But we do have to soberly face the fact that being in the public eye is hazardous, especially for us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 181 As a recovered alcoholic I must make an effort to put into practice the principles of the AA. program, which are founded on honesty, truth and humility. While I was drinking I was constantly trying to be in the limelight. Now that I am conscious of my mistakes and of my former lack of integrity, it would not be honest to seek prestige, even for the justifiable purpose of promoting the A.A. message of recovery. Is the publicity that centers around the A.A. Fellowship and the miracles it produces not worth much more? Why not let the people around us appreciate by themselves the changes that A.A. has brought in us, for that will be a far better recommendation for the Fellowship than any I could make. NOVEMBER 27 THE PERILS OF THE LIMELIGHT In the beginning, the press could not understand our refusal of all personal publicity. They were genuinely baffled by our insistence upon anonymity. Then they got the point. Here was something rare in the world a society which said it wished to publicize its principles and its work, but not its individual members. The press was delighted with this attitude. Ever since, these friends have reported A.A. with an enthusiasm which the most ardent members would find hard to match. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 182 It is essential for my personal survival and that of the Fellowship that I not use A.A. to put myself in the limelight. Anonymity is a way for me to work on my humility. Since pride is one of my most dangerous shortcomings, practicing humility is one of the best ways to overcome it. The Fellowship of A.A. gains worldwide recognition by its various methods of publicizing its principles and its work, not by its individual members advertising themselves. The attraction created by my changing attitudes and my altruism contributes much more to the welfare of A.A. than self-promotion. NOVEMBER 28 ATTRACTION, NOT PROMOTION Through many painful experiences, we think we have arrived at what that policy ought to be. It is the opposite in many ways of usual promotional practice. W e found that we had to rely upon the principle of attraction rather than of promotion. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 180-81 While I was drinking I reacted with anger, self-pity and defiance against anyone who wanted to change me. All I wanted then was to be accepted by another human simply as I was and, curiously, that is what I found in A.A. I became the custodian of this concept of attraction, which is the principle of our Fellowship's public relations. It is by attraction that I can best reach the alcoholic who still suffers. I thank God for having given me the attraction of a wellplanned and established program of Steps and Traditions. Through humility and the support of my fellow sober members, I have been able to practice the A.A. way of life through attraction, not promotion. NOVEMBER 29 \"ACTIVE GUARDIANS\" To us, however, it represents far more than a sound public relations policy. It is more than a denial of self-seeking. This Tradition is a constant and practical reminder that personal ambition has no place in A A. In it, each member becomes an active guardian of our Fellowship. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 183 The basic concept of humility is expressed in the Eleventh Tradition: it allows me to participate completely in the program in such a simple, yet profound, manner; it fulfills my need to be an integral part of a significant whole. Humility brings me closer to the actual spirit of togetherness and oneness, without which I could not stay sober. In remembering that every member is an example of sobriety, each one living the Eleventh Tradition, I am able to experience freedom because each one of us is anonymous. NOVEMBER 30 PROTECTION FOR ALL At the personal level, anonymity provides protection or all members from identification as alcoholics, a safeguard often of special importance to newcomers, i t the level of press, radio, TV, and films, anonymity tresses the equality in the Fellowship of all members by putting the brake on those who might otherwise exploit their A.A. affiliation to achieve recognition, power, or personal gain. \"UNDERSTANDING ANONYMITY,\" p. 5 Attraction is the main force in the Fellowship of A.A. The miracle of continuous sobriety of alcoholics within A.A. confirms this fact every day. It would be harmful if the Fellowship promoted itself by publicizing, through the media of radio and TV, the sobriety of well-known public personalities who became members of A.A. If these personalities happened to have slips, outsiders would think our movement is not strong and they might question the veracity of the miracle of the century. Alcoholics Anonymous is not anonymous, but its members should be. DECEMBER 1 \"SUGGESTED\" STEPS Our Twelfth Step also says that as a result of practicing all the Steps, we have each found something called a spiritual awakening. . . . A. A.'s manner of making ready to receive this gift lies in the practice of the Twelve Steps in our program.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 106-07 I remember my sponsor's answer when I told him that the Steps were \"suggested.\" He replied that they are \"suggested\" in the same way that, if you were to jump out of an airplane with a parachute, it is \"suggested\" that you pull the ripcord to save your life. He pointed out that it was \"suggested\" I practice the Twelve Steps, if I wanted to save my life. So I try to remember daily that I have a whole program of recovery based on all Twelve of the \"suggested\" Steps. DECEMBER 2 SERENITY Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 106 As I continued to go to meetings and work the Steps, something began to happen to me. I felt confused because I wasn't sure what it was that I was feeling, and then I realized I was experiencing serenity. It was a good feeling, but where had it come from? Then I realized it had come \" . . . as the result of these steps.\" The program may not always be easy to practice, but I had to acknowledge that my serenity had come to me after working the Steps. As I work the Steps in everything I do, prac-ticing these principles in all my affairs, now I find that I am awake to God, to others, and to myself. The spiritual awakening I have enjoyed as the result of working the Steps is the awareness that I am no longer alone. DECEMBER 3 IN ALL OUR AFFAIRS . . . we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 106 I find that carrying the message of recovery to other alcoholics is easy because it helps me to stay sober and it provides me with a sense of well-being about my own recovery. The hard part is practicing these principles in all my affairs. It is important that I share the benefits I receive from A.A., especially at home. Doesn't my family deserve the same patience, tolerance and understanding I so readily give to the alcoholic? When reviewing my day I try to ask, \"Did I have a chance to be a friend today and miss it?\" \"Did I have a chance to rise above a nasty situation and avoid it?\" \"Did I have a chance to say 'I'm sorry,' and refuse to?\" Just as I ask God for help with my alcoholism each day, I ask for help in extending my recovery to include all situations and all people! DECEMBER 4 INTO ACTION A. A. is more than a set of principles; it is a society of alcoholics in action. W e must carry the message, else we ourselves can wither and those who haven't been given the truth may die. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 13 I desperately wanted to live, but if I was to succeed, I had to become active in our God-given program. I joined what became my group, where I opened the hall, made coffee, and cleaned up. I had been sober about three months when an oldtimer told me I was doing Twelfth-Step work. What a satisfying realization that was! I felt I was really accomplishing something. God had given me a second chance, A.A. had shown me the way, and these gifts were not only freethey were also priceless! Now the joy of seeing newcomers grow reminds me of where I have come from, where I am now, and the limitless possibilities that he ahead. I need to attend meetings because they recharge my batteries so that I have light when it's needed. I'm still a beginner in service work, but already I am receiving more than I'm giving. I can't keep it unless I give it away. I am responsible when another reaches out for help. I want to be theresober. DECEMBER 5 A NEW STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 107 Many of us in AA. puzzle over what is a spiritual awakening. I tended to look for a miracle, something dramatic and earth-shattering. But what usually happens is that a sense of well-being, a feeling of peace, transforms us into a new level of awareness. That's what happened to me. My insanity and inner turmoil disappeared and I entered into a new dimension of hope, love and peace. I think the degree to which I continue to experience this new di-mension is in direct proportion to the sincerity, depth and devotion with which I practice the Twelve Steps of A.A. DECEMBER 6 WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN When we developed still more, we discovered the best possible source of emotional stability to be God Himself. We found that dependence upon His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy, and that it would work where nothing else would. If we really depended upon God, we couldn't very well play God to our fellows nor would we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 116 It has been my experience that, when all human resources appear to have failed, there is always One who will never desert me. Moreover, He is always there to share my joy, to steer me down the right path, and to confide in when no one else will do. While my well-being and happiness can be added to, or diminished, by human efforts, only God can provide the loving nourishment upon which I depend for my daily spiritual health. DECEMBER 7 TRUE AMBITION True ambition is not what we thought it was. True ambition is the deep desire to live usefully and walk humbly under the grace of God. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 124-25 During my drinking years, my one and only concern was to have my fellow man think highly of me. My ambition in everything I did was to have the power to be at the top. My inner self kept telling me something else but I couldn't accept it. I didn't even allow myself to realize that I wore a mask continually. Finally, when the mask came off and I cried out to the only God I could conceive, the Fellowship of A.A., my group and the Twelve Steps were there. I learned how to change resentments into acceptance, fear into hope and anger into love. I have learned also, through loving without undue expectations, through sharing my concerns and caring for my fellow man, that each day can be joyous and fruitful. I begin and end my day with thanks to God, who has so generously shed His grace on me. DECEMBER 8 SERVICE Life will take on new meaning. T o watch people re-over, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have host of friendsthis is an experience you must not miss. . . . Frequent contact with newcomers and nth each other is the bright spot of our lives. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 89 t is through service that the greatest rewards are to be found. But to be in a position of offering true, useful and effective service to others, I must first work on myself. This means that I have to abandon myself to God, admitting my faults and clearing away the wreckage of my past. Work on myself has aught me how to find the necessary peace and serenity to successfully merge inspiration and experience. I have learned how to be, in the truest sense, in open channel of sobriety. DECEMBER 9 LOVE WITH NO PRICE TAG When the Twelfth Step is seen in its full implication, it is really talking about the kind of love that has no price tag on it TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 106 In order for me to start working the Twelfth Step, I had to work on sincerity, honesty, and to learn to act with humility. Carrying the message is a gift of myself, no matter how many years of sobriety I may have accumulated. My dreams can become reality. I solidify my sobriety by sharing what I have received freely. As I look back to that time when I began my recovery, there was already a seed of hope that I could help another drunk pull himself out of his alcoholic mire. My wish to help another drunk is the key to my spiritual health. But I never forget that God acts through me. I am only His instrument. Even if the other person is not ready, there is success, because my effort in his behalf has helped me to remain sober and to become stronger. To act, to never grow weary in my Twelfth Step work, is the key. If I am capable of laughing today, let me not forget those days when I cried. God reminds me that I can feel compassion! DECEMBER 10 CARRYING THE MESSAGE Now, what about the rest of the Twelfth Step? The wonderful energy it releases and the eager action by which it carries our message to the next suffering alcoholic and which finally translates the Twelve Steps into action upon all our affairs is the payoff, the magnificent reality, of Alcoholics Anonymous. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 109 To renounce the alcoholic world is not to abandon it, but to act upon principles I have come to love and cherish, and to restore in others who still suffer the serenity I have come to know. When I am truly committed to this purpose, it matters little what clothes I wear or how I make a living. My task is to carry the message, and to lead by example, not design. DECEMBER 11 \"A GENUINE HUMILITY\" . . . we are actually to practice a genuine humility. This is to the end that our great blessings may never spoil us; that we shall forever live in thankful contemplation of Him who presides over us all. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 192 Experience has taught me that my alcoholic personality tends to be grandiose. While having seemingly good intentions, I can go off on tangents in pursuit of my \"causes.\" My ego takes over and I lose sight of my primary purpose. I may even take credit for God's handiwork in my life. Such an overstated feeling of my own importance is dangerous to my sobriety and could cause great harm to A.A. as a whole. My safeguard, the Twelfth Tradition, serves to keep me humble. I realize, both as an individual and as a member of the Fellowship, that I cannot boast of my accomplishments, and that \"God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.\" DECEMBER 12 A COMMON SOLUTION The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. W e have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious ac-ion. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 17 The most far-reaching Twelfth Step work was the publication of our Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous. Few can equal that book for carrying the message. My idea is to get out of myself and simply do what I can. Even if I haven't been asked to sponsor and my phone rarely rings, I am still able to do Twelfth Step work. I get involved in \"brotherly and harmonious action.\" At meetings I show up early to greet people and to help set up, and to share my experience, strength and hope. I also do what I can with service work. My Higher Power gives me exactly what He wants me to do at any given point in my recovery and, if I let Him, my willingness will bring Twelfth Step work automatically. DECEMBER 13 THINKING OF OTHERS Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 20 Thinking of others has never come easily to me. Even when I try to work the A.A. program, I'm prone to thinking, \"How do I feel today. Am I happy, joyous and free?\" The program tells me that my thoughts must reach out to those around me: \"Would that newcomer welcome someone to talk to?\" \"That person looks a little unhappy today, maybe I could cheer him up.\" It is only when I forget my problems, and reach out to contribute something to others that I can begin to attain the serenity and God-consciousness I seek. DECEMBER 14 REACHING OUT Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of spiritual looks for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 95 When I come into contact with a newcomer, do I have a tendency to look at him from my perceived ingle of success in A.A.? Do I compare him with the large number of acquaintances I have made in the Fellowship? Do I point out to him in a magisterial way the voice of A.A.? What is my real attitude toward him? I must examine myself whenever I meet a newcomer to make sure that I am carrying the message with simplicity, humility and generosity. The one who still suffers from the terrible dis-ease of alcoholism must find in me a friend who will allow him to get to know the A.A. way, because I had such a friend when I arrived in A.A. Today it is my turn to hold out my hand, with love, to my sister or brother alcoholic, and to show her or him the way to happiness. DECEMBER 15 DOING ANYTHING TO HELP Offer him [the alcoholic] friendship and fellowship. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 95 I remember how attracted I was to the two men from A.A. who Twelfth-Stepped me. They said I could have what they had, with no conditions attached, that all I had to do was make my own decision to join them on the pathway to recovery. When I start convincing a newcomer to do things my way, I forget how helpful those two men were to me in their open-minded generosity. DECEMBER 16 PARTNERS IN RECOVERY . . nothing will so much insure immunity from finking as intensive work with other alcoholics. . . Both you and the new man must walk day by ay in the path of spiritual progress. . . . Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your resent circumstances! ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 89, 100 Doing the right things for the right reasonsthis is my way of controlling my selfishness and self-centeredness. I realize that my dependency on a higher Power clears the way for peace of mind, happiness and sobriety. I pray each day that I will avoid my previous actions, so that I will be helpful o others. DECEMBER 17 A PRICELESS REWARD . . . work with other alcoholics. . . . It work when other activities fail. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 8 \"Life will take on new meaning,\" as the Big Book says (p.89). This promise has helped me to avow self-seeking and self-pity. To watch others grow in this wonderful program, to see them improve the quality of their lives, is a priceless reward for my effort to help others. Self-examination is yet another reward for an ongoing recovery, as are serenity, peace and contentment. The energy derived from seeing others on a successful path, of sharing with them the joys of the journey, gives to my life a new meaning. DECEMBER 18 HONESTY WITH NEWCOMERS 'ell him exactly what happened to you. Stress the spiritual feature freely. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 93 The marvel of A.A. is that I tell only what happened to me. I don't waste time offering advice to potential newcomers, for if advice worked, nobody would get to A.A. All I have to do is show what has brought me sobriety and what has changed my life. If I fail to stress the spiritual feature of A.A.'s program, I am being dishonest. The newcomer should not be given a false impression of sobriety. I am sober only through the grace of my Higher Power, and that makes it possible for me to share with others. DECEMBER 19 UNDERSTANDING THE MALADY When dealing with an alcoholic, there may be a natural annoyance that a man could be so weak, stupid and irresponsible. Even when you understand the malady better, you may feel this feeling rising. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 139 Having suffered from alcoholism, I should understand the illness, but sometimes I feel annoyance, even contempt, toward a person who cannot make it in A.A. When I feel that way, I am satisfying my false sense of superiority and I must remember, but for the grace of God, there go I. DECEMBER 20 THE REWARDS OF GIVING This is indeed the kind of giving that actually demands nothing. He does not expect his brother sufferer to pay him, or even to love him. And then he discovers that by the divine paradox of this kind of giving he has found his own reward, whether his brother has yet received anything or not. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 109 Through experience with Twelfth Step work, I came to understand the rewards of giving that demands nothing in return. At first I expected recovery in others, but I soon learned that this did not happen. Once I acquired the humility to accept the fact that every Twelfth Step call was not going to result in a success, then I was open to receive the rewards of selfless giving. DECEMBER 21 LISTEN, SHARE AND PRAY When working with a man and his family, you should take care not to participate in their quarrels. You may spoil your chance of being helpful if you do. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 100 When trying to help a fellow alcoholic, I've given in to an impulse to give advice, and perhaps that's inevitable. But allowing others the right to be wrong reaps its own benefits. The best I can do and it sounds easier than it is to put into practice is to listen, share personal experience, and pray for others. DECEMBER 22 PRINCIPLES, NOT PERSONALITIES The way our \"worthy\" alcoholics have sometimes tried to judge the \"less worthy\" is, as we look back on it, rather comical. Imagine, if you can, one alcoholic judging another! THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 37 Who am I to judge anyone? When I first entered the Fellowship I found that I liked everyone. After all, A.A. was going to help me to a better way of life without alcohol. The reality was that I couldn't possibly like everyone, nor they me. As I've grown in the Fellowship, I've learned to love everyone just from listening to what they had to say. That person over there, or the one right here, may be the one God has chosen to give me the message I need for today. I must always remember to place principles above personalities. DECEMBER 23 RECOVERY, UNITY, SERVICE Our Twelfth Stepcarrying the messageis the basic service that AA's Fellowship gives; this is our principal aim and the main reason for our existence. THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 160 I thank God for those who came before me, those who told me not to forget the Three Legacies: Recovery, Unity and Service. In my home group, the Three Legacies were described on a sign which said: \"You take a three-legged stool, try to balance it on only one leg, or two. Our Three Legacies must be kept intact. In Recovery, we get sober together; in Unity, we work together for the good of our Steps and Traditions; and through Servicewe give away freely what has been given to us.\" One of the chief gifts of my life has been to know that I will have no message to give, unless I recover in unity with A.A. principles. DECEMBER 24 A \"SANE AND HAPPY USEFULNESS\" We have come to believe He would like us to keep our heads in the clouds with Him, but that our feet ought to be firmly planted on earth. That is where our fellow travelers are, and that is where our work must be done. These are the realities for us. W e have found nothing incompatible between a powerful spiritual experience and a life of sane and happy usefulness ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 130 All the prayer and meditation in the world will not help me unless they are accompanied by action. Practicing the principles in all my affairs shows me the care that God takes in all parts of my life. God appears in my world when I move aside, and allow Him to step into it. DECEMBER 25 AT PEACE WITH LIFE Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities \"How can I best serve TheeThy will (not mine) be done.\" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 I read this passage each morning, to start off my day, because it is a continual reminder to \"practice these principles in all my affairs.\" When I keep God's will at the forefront of my mind, I am able to do what I should be doing, and that puts me at peace with life, with myself and with God. DECEMBER 26 ACCEPTING SUCCESS OR FAILURE Furthermore, how shall we come to terms with seeming failure or success? Can we now accept and adjust to either without despair or pride? Can we accept poverty, sickness, loneliness, and bereavement with courage and serenity? Can we steadfastly content ourselves with the humbler, yet sometimes more durable, satisfactions when the brighter, more glittering achievements are denied us? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 112 After I found A.A. and stopped drinking, it took a while before I understood why the First Step contained two parts: my powerlessness over alcohol, and my life's unmanageability. In the same way, I believed for a long time that, in order to be in tune with the Twelve Steps, it was enough for me \"to carry this message to alcoholics.\" That was rushing things. I was forgetting that there were a total of Twelve Steps and that the Twelfth Step also had more than one part. Eventually I learned that it was necessary for me to \"practice these principles\" in all areas of my life. In working all the Steps thoroughly, I not only stay sober and help someone else to achieve sobriety, but also I transform my difficulty with living into a joy of living. DECEMBER 27 PROBLEM SOLVING \"Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems.\" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 42 Through the recovery process described in the Big Book, I have come to realize that the same instructions that work on my alcoholism, work on much more. Whenever I am angry or frustrated, I consider the matter a manifestation of the main problem within me, alcoholism. As I \"walk\" through the Steps, my difficulty is usually dealt with long before I reach the Twelfth \"suggestion,\" and those difficulties that persist are remedied when I make an effort to carry the message to someone else. These principles do solve my problems! I have not encountered an exception, and I have been brought to a way of living which is satisfying and useful. DECEMBER 28 SUIT UP AND SHOW UP In A.A. we aim not only for sobrietywe try again to become citizens of the world that we rejected, and of the world that once rejected us. This is the ultimate demonstration toward which Twelfth Step work is the first but not the final step. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 21 The old line says, \"Suit up and show up.\" That action is so important that I like to think of it as my motto. I can choose each day to suit up and show up, or not. Showing up at meetings starts me toward feeling a part of that meeting, for then I can do what I say I'll do at meetings. I can talk with newcomers, and I can share my experience; that's what credibility, honesty, and courtesy really are. Suiting up and showing up are the concrete actions I take in my ongoing return to normal living. DECEMBER 29 THE JOY OF LIVING . . . therefore the joy of good living is the theme of A.A.'s Twelfth Step. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 125 A.A. is a joyful program! Even so, I occasionally balk at taking the necessary steps to move ahead, and find myself resisting the very actions that could bring about the joy I want. I would not resist if those actions did not touch some vulnerable area of my life, an area that needs hope and fulfillment. Repeated exposure to joyfulness has a way of softening the hard, outer edges of my ego. Therein lies the power of joyfulness to help all members of A.A. DECEMBER 30 ANONYMITY Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 564 Tradition Twelve became important early in my sobriety and, along with the Twelve Steps, it continues to be a must in my recovery. I became aware after I joined the Fellowship that I had personality problems, so that when I first heard it, the Tradition's message was very clear: there exists an immediate way for me to face, with others, my alcoholism and attendant anger, defensiveness, offensiveness. I saw Tradition Twelve as being a great ego-deflator; it relieved my anger and gave me a chance to utilize the principles of the program. All of the Steps, and this particular Tradition, have guided me over decades of continuous sobriety. I am grateful to those who were here when I needed them. DECEMBER 31 DAILY RESOLUTIONS The idea of \"twenty-four-hour living\" applies primarily to the emotional life of the individual. Emotionally speaking, we must not live in yesterday, nor in tomorrow. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 284 A New Year: 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutesa time to consider directions, goals, and actions. I must make some plans to live a normal life, but also I must live emotionally within a twenty-four-hour frame, for if I do, I don't have to make New Year's resolutions! I can make every day a New Year's day! I can decide, \"Today I will do this . . . Today I will do that.\" Each day I can measure my life by trying to do a little better, by deciding to follow God's will and by making an effort to put the principles of our A.A. program into action.", "source": {"title": "AA-Daily-Reflections.pdf", "extraction_date": "2024-12-22T15:50:08.910560", "total_pages": 374}, "section_index": 0, "qa_type": "main_points", "timestamp": "2024-12-22T15:50:12.842036"}
{"question": "Can you summarize the key concepts from this passage in AA-Daily-Reflections.pdf?", "answer": "JANUARY 1 \"I AM A MIRACLE\" The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 25 This truly is a fact in my life today, and a real miracle. I always believed in God, but could never put that belief meaningfully into my life. Today, because of Alcoholics Anonymous, I now trust and rely on God, as I understand Him; I am sober today because of that! Learning to trust and rely on God was something I could never have done alone. I now believe in miracles because I am one! JANUARY 2 FIRST, THE FOUNDATION Is sobriety all that we can expect of a spiritual awakening? No, sobriety is only a bare beginning. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 8 Practicing the A.A. program is like building a house. First I had to pour a big, thick concrete slab on which to erect the house; that, to me, was the equivalent of stopping drinking. But it's pretty uncomfortable living on a concrete slab, unprotected and exposed to the heat, cold, wind and rain. So I built a room on the slab by starting to practice the program. The first room was rickety because I wasn't used to the work. But as time passed, as I practiced the program, I learned to build better rooms. The more I practiced, and the more I built, the more comfortable, and happy, was the home I now have to live in. JANUARY 3 POWERLESS We admitted we were powerless over alcoholthat our lives had become unmanageable. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21 It is no coincidence that the very first Step mentions powerlessness: An admission of personal powerlessness over alcohol is a cornerstone of the foundation of recovery. I've learned that I do not have the power and control I once thought I had. I am powerless over what people think about me. I am powerless over having just missed the bus. I am powerless over how other people work (or don't work) the Steps. But I've also learned I am not powerless over some things. I am not powerless over my attitudes. I am not powerless over negativity. I am not powerless over assuming responsibility for my own recovery. I have the power to exert a positive influence on myself, my loved ones, and the world in which I live. JANUARY 4 BEGIN WHERE YOU ARE We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 19 It's usually pretty easy for me to be pleasant to the people in an A.A. setting. While I'm working to stay sober, I'm celebrating with my fellow A.A .S our common release from the hell of drinking. It's often not so hard to spread glad tidings to my old and new friends in the program. At home or at work, though, it can be a different story. It is in situations arising in both of those areas that the little day-to-day frustrations are most evident, and where it can be tough to smile or reach out with a kind word or an attentive ear. It's outside of the A.A. rooms that I face the real test of the effectiveness of my walk through A.A.'s Twelve Steps. JANUARY 5 TOTAL ACCEPTANCE He cannot picture life without alcohol Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 152 Only an alcoholic can understand the exact meaning of a statement like this one. The double standard that held me captive as an active alcoholic also filled me with terror and confusion: \"If I don't get a drink I'm going to die,\" competed with \"If I continue drinking it's going to kill me.\" Both compulsive thoughts pushed me ever closer to the bottom. That bottom produced a total acceptance of my alcoholismwith no reservations whatsoeverand one that was absolutely essential for my recovery. It was a dilemma unlike anything I had ever faced, but as I found out later on, a necessary one if I was to succeed in this program. JANUARY 6 THE VICTORY OF SURRENDER We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personal powerlessness finally turn out to be firm bedrock upon which happy and purposeful lives may be built TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21 When alcohol influenced every facet of my life, when bottles became the symbol of all my self-indulgence and permissiveness, when I came to realize that, by myself, I could do nothing to overcome the power of alcohol, I realized I had no recourse except surrender. In surrender I found victoryvictory over my selfish self-indulgence, victory over my stubborn resistance to life as it was given to me. When I stopped fighting anybody or anything, I started on the path to sobriety, serenity and peace. JANUARY 7 AT THE TURNING POINT Half measures availed us nothing. W e stood at the turning point. W e asked His protection and care with complete abandon. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59 Every day I stand at turning points. My thoughts and actions can propel me toward growth or turn me down the road to old habits and to booze. Sometimes turning points are beginnings, as when I decide to start praising, instead of condemning someone. Or when I begin to ask for help instead of going it alone. At other times turning points are endings, such as when I see clearly the need to stop festering resentments or crippling self-seeking. Many shortcomings tempt me daily; therefore, I also have daily opportunities to become aware of them. In one form or another, many of my character defects appear daily: self-condemnation, anger, running away, being prideful, wanting to get even, or acting out of grandiosity. Attempting half measures to eliminate these defects merely paralyzes my efforts to change. It is only when I ask God for help, with complete abandon, that I become willingand ableto change. JANUARY 8 DO I HAVE A CHOICE? The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 24 My powerlessness over alcohol does not cease when I quit drinking. In sobriety I still have no choiceI can't drink. The choice I do have is to pick up and use the \"kit of spiritual tools\" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 25). When I do that, my Higher Power relieves me of my lack of choice and keeps me sober one more day. If I could choose not to pick up a drink today, where then would be my need for A.A. or a Higher Power? JANUARY 9 AN ACT OF PROVIDENCE It is truly awful to admit that, glass in hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of Providence can remove it from us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21 My act of Providence, (a manifestation of divine care and direction), came as I experienced the total bankruptcy of active alcoholismeverything meaningful in my life was gone. I telephoned Alcoholics Anonymous and, from that instant, my life has never been the same. When I reflect on that very special moment, I know that God was working in my life long before I was able to acknowledge and accept spiritual concepts. The glass was put down through this one act of Providence and my journey into sobriety began. My life continues to unfold with divine care and direction. Step One, in which I admitted I was powerless over alcohol, that my life had become unmanageable, takes on more meaning for meone day at a timein the life-saving, life-giving Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. JANUARY 10 UNITED WE STAND We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 30 I came to Alcoholics Anonymous because I was no longer able to control my drinking. It was either my wife's complaining about my drinking, or maybe the sheriff forced me to go to A.A. meetings, or perhaps I knew, deep down inside, that I couldn't drink like others, but I was unwilling to admit it because the alternative terrified me. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women united against a common, fatal disease. Each one of our lives is linked to every other, much like the survivors on a life raft at sea. If we all work together, we can get safely to shore. JANUARY 11 THE 100% STEP Only Step One, where we made the 100 percent admission we were powerless over alcohol can be practiced with absolute perfection. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 68 Long before I was able to obtain sobriety in A.A., I knew without a doubt that alcohol was killing me, yet even with this knowledge, I was unable to stop drinking. So, when faced with Step One, I found it easy to admit that I lacked the power to not drink. But was my life unmanageable? Never! Five months after coming into A.A., I was drinking again and wondered why. Later on, back in A.A. and smarting from my wounds, I learned that Step One is the only Step that can be taken 100%. And that the only way to take it 100% is to take 100% of the Step. That was many twenty-four hours ago and I haven't had to take Step One again. JANUARY 12 ACCEPTING OUR PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to that unflattering point of departure. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives. Provided we strenuously avoid turning these realistic surveys of the facts of life into unrealistic alibis for apathy or defeatism, they can be the sure foundation upon which increased emotional health and therefore spiritual progress can be built. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 44 When I am having a difficult time accepting people, places or events, I turn to this passage and it relieves me of many an underlying fear regarding others, or situations life presents me. The thought allows me to be human and not perfect, and to regain my peace of mind. JANUARY 13 IT DOESN'T HAPPEN OVERNIGHT We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 The most common alcoholic fantasy seems to be: \"If I just don't drink, everything will be all right.\" Once the fog cleared for me, I sawfor the first timethe mess my life had become. I had family, work, financial and legal problems; I was hung up on old religious ideas; there were sides of my character to which I was inclined to stay blind because they easily could have convinced me that I was hopeless and pushed me toward escape again. The Big Book guided me in resolving all of my problems. But it didn't happen overnightand certainly not automaticallywith no effort on my part. I need always to recognize God's mercy and blessings that shine through any problem I have to face. JANUARY 14 NO REGRETS W e will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83 Once I became sober, I began to see how wasteful my life had been and I experienced overwhelming guilt and feelings of regret. The program's Fourth and Fifth Steps assisted me enormously in healing those troubling regrets. I learned that my self-centeredness and dishonesty stemmed largely from my drinking and that I drank because I was an alcoholic. Now I see how even my most distasteful past experiences can turn to gold because, as a sober alcoholic, I can share them to help my fellow alcoholics, particularly newcomers. Sober for several years in A.A., I no longer regret the past; I am simply grateful to be conscious of God's love and of the help I can give to others in the Fellowship. JANUARY 15 AN UNSUSPECTED INNER RESOURCE With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 569-70 From my first days in A.A., as I struggled for sobriety, I found hope in these words from our founders. I often pondered the phrase: \"they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource.\" How, I asked myself, can I find the Power within myself, since I am so powerless? In time, as the founders promised, it came to me: I have always had the choice between goodness and evil, between unselfishness and selfishness, between serenity and fear. That Power greater than myself is an original gift that I did not recognize until I achieved daily sobriety through living A.A.'s Twelve Steps. JANUARY 16 HITTING BOTTOM Why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottom first? The answer is that few people will sincerely try to practice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom. For practicing A. A. 's remaining eleven Steps means the adoption of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic who is still drinking can dream of taking. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 24 Hitting bottom opened my mind and I became willing to try something different. What I tried was A.A. My new life in the Fellowship was a little like learning how to ride a bike for the first time: A.A. became my training wheels and my supporting hand. It's not that I wanted the help so much at the time; I simply did not want to hurt like that again. My desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful than my desire to drink. In the beginning that was what kept me sober. But after a while I found myself working the Steps to the best of my ability. I soon realized that my attitudes and actions were changingif ever so slightly. One Day at a Time, I became comfortable with myself, and others, and my hurting started to heal. Thank God for the training wheels and supporting hand that I choose to call Alcoholics Anonymous. JANUARY 17 HAPPINESS COMES QUIETLY \"The trouble with us alcoholics was this: W e demanded that the world give us happiness and peace of mind in just the particular order we wanted to get itby the alcohol route. And we weren't successful. But when we take time to find out some of the spiritual laws, and familiarize ourselves with them, and put them into practice, then we do get happiness and peace of mind. . . . There seem to be some rules that we have to follow, but happiness and peace of mind are always here, open and free to anyone.\" DR. BOB AND THE GOOD OLDTIMERS, p. 308 The simplicity of the A. A. program teaches me that happiness isn't something I can \"demand.\" It comes upon me quietly, while I serve others. In offering my hand to the newcomer or to someone who has relapsed, I find that my own sobriety has been recharged with indescribable gratitude and happiness. JANUARY 18 WOULD A DRINK HELP? By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 23 When I was still drinking, I couldn't respond to any of life's situations the way other, more healthy, people could. The smallest incident triggered a state of mind that believed I had to have a drink to numb my feelings. But the numbing did not improve the situation, so I sought further escape in the bottle. Today I must be aware of my alcoholism. I cannot afford to believe that I have gained control of my drinkingor again I will think I have gained control of my life. Such a feeling of control is fatal to my recovery. JANUARY 19 ROUND-THE-CLOCK FAITH Faith has to work twenty-four hours a day in and through us, or we perish. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 16 The essence of my spirituality, and my sobriety, rests on a round-the-clock faith in a Higher Power. I need to remember and rely on the God of my understanding as I pursue all of my daily activities. How comforting for me is the concept that God works in and through people. As I pause in my day, do I recall specific concrete examples of God's presence? Am I amazed and uplifted by the number of times this power is evident? I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my God's presence in my life of recovery. Without this omnipotent force in my every activity, I would again fall into the depths of my diseaseand death. JANUARY 20 \"WE PAUSE . . . AND ASK\" As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 87 Today I humbly ask my Higher Power for the grace to find the space between my impulse and my action; to let flow a cooling breeze when I would respond with heat; to interrupt fierceness with gentle peace; to accept the moment which allows judgment to become discernment; to defer to silence when my tongue would rush to attack or defend. I promise to watch for every opportunity to turn toward my Higher Power for guidance. I know where this power is: it resides within me, as clear as a mountain brook, hidden in the hillsit is the unsuspected Inner Resource. I thank my Higher Power for this world of light and truth I see when I allow it to direct my vision. I trust it today and hope it trusts me to make all effort to find the right thought or action today. JANUARY 21 SERVING MY BROTHER The member talks to the newcomer not in a spirit of power but in a spirit of humility and weakness. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS COMES OF AGE p. 279 As the days pass in A.A., I ask God to guide my thoughts and the words that I speak. In this labor of continuous participation in the Fellowship, I have numerous opportunities to speak. So I frequently ask God to help me watch over my thoughts and my words, that they may be the true and proper reflections of our program; to focus my aspirations once again to seek His guidance; to help me be truly kind and loving, helpful and healing, yet always filled with humility, and free from any trace of arrogance. Today I may very well have to deal with disagreeable attitudes or utterancesthe typical stock-in-trade attitude of the still-suffering alcoholic. If this should happen, I will take a moment to center myself in God, so that I will be able to respond from a perspective of composure, strength and sensibility. JANUARY 22 \"LET'S KEEP IT SIMPLE\" A few hours later I took my leave of Dr. Bob. . . . The wonderful, old, broad smile was on his face as he said almost jokingly, \"Remember, Bill, let's not louse this thing up. Let's keep it simple!\" I turned away, unable to say a word. That was the last time I ever saw him. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS COMES OF AGE, p. 214 After years of sobriety I occasionally ask myself: \"Can it be this simple?\" Then, at meetings, I see former cynics and skeptics who have walked the A. A. path out of hell by packaging their lives, without alcohol, into twenty-four hour segments, during which they practice a few principles to the best of their individual abilities. And then I know again that, while it isn't always easy, if I keep it simple, it works. JANUARY 23 HAVING FUN YET? . . . we aren't a glum lot. If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn't want it. W e absolutely insist on enjoying life. W e try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world's troubles on our shoulders ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 132 When my own house is in order, I find the different parts of my life are more manageable. Stripped from the guilt and remorse that cloaked my drinking years, I am free to assume my proper role in the universe, but this condition requires maintenance. I should stop and ask myself, Am I having fun yet? If I find answering that question difficult or painful, perhaps I'm taking myself too seriouslyand find-ing it difficult to admit that I've strayed from my practice of working the program to keep my house in order. I think the pain I experience is one way my Higher Power has to get my attention, coaxing me to take stock of my performance. The slight time and effort it takes to work the programa spot-check inventory, for example, or the making of amends, whatever is appropriateare well worth the effort. JANUARY 24 GETTING INVOLVED There is action and more action. \"Faith without works is dead.\" . . . T o be helpful is our only aim. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 88-89 I understand that service is a vital part of recovery but I often wonder, \"What can I do?\" Simply start with what I have today! I look around to see where there is a need. Are the ashtrays full? Do I have hands and feet to empty them? Suddenly I'm involved! The best speaker may make the worst coffee; the member who's best with newcomers may be unable to read; the one willing to clean up may make a mess of the bank accountyet every one of these people and jobs is essential to an active group. The miracle of service is this: when I use what I have, I find there is more available to me than I realized before. JANUARY 25 WHAT WE NEEDEACH OTHER . . . A.A. is really saying to every serious drinker, \"You are an A.A. member if you say so . . . nobody can keep you out.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 139 For years, whenever I reflected on Tradition Three (\"The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking\"), I thought it valuable only to newcomers. It was their guarantee that no one could bar them from A.A. Today I feel enduring gratitude for the spiritual development the Tradition has brought me. I don't seek out people obviously different from myself. Tradition Three, concentrating on the one way I am similar to others, brought me to know and help every kind of alcoholic, just as they have helped me. Charlotte, the atheist, showed me higher standards of ethics and honor; Clay, of another race, taught me patience; Winslow, who is gay, led me by example into true compassion; Young Megan says that seeing me at meetings, sober thirty years, keeps her coming back. Tradition Three insured that we would get what we needeach other. JANUARY 26 RIGOROUS HONESTY Who wishes to be rigorously honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess his faults to another and make restitution for harm done? Who cares anything about a Higher Power, let alone meditation and prayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and energy in trying to carry A.A. 's message to the next sufferer? No, the average alcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn't care for this prospectunless he has to do these things in order to stay alive himself. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 24 I am an alcoholic. If I drink I will die. My, what power, energy, and emotion this simple statement generates in me! But it's really all I need to know for today. Am I willing to stay alive today? Am I willing to stay sober today? Am I willing to ask for help and am I willing to be a help to another suffering alcoholic today? Have I discovered the fatal nature of my situation? What must I do, today, to stay sober? JANUARY 27 FREEDOM FROM GUILT Where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word \"blame\" from our speech and thought. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 47 When I become willing to accept my own powerlessness, I begin to realize that blaming myself for all the trouble in my life can be an ego trip back into hopelessness. Asking for help and listening deeply to the messages inherent in the Steps and Traditions of the program make it possible to change those attitudes which delay my recovery. Before joining A.A., I had such a desire for approval from people in powerful positions that I was willing to sacrifice myself, and others, to gain a foothold in the world. I invariably came to grief. In the program I find true friends who love, understand, and care to help me learn the truth about myself. With the help of the Twelve Steps, I am able to build a better life, free of guilt and the need for self-justification. JANUARY 28 THE TREASURE OF THE PAST Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you havethe key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 124 What a gift it is for me to realize that all those seemingly useless years were not wasted. The most degrading and humiliating experiences turn out to be the most powerful tools in helping others to recover. In knowing the depths of shame and despair, I can reach out with a loving and compassionate hand, and know that the grace of God is available to me. JANUARY 29 THE JOY OF SHARING Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friendsthis is an experience you must not miss. W e know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 89 To know that each newcomer with whom I share has the opportunity to experience the relief that I have found in this Fellowship fills me with joy and gratitude. I feel that all the things described in A.A. will come to pass for them, as they have for me, if they seize the opportunity and embrace the program fully. JANUARY 30 FREEDOM FROM . . . FREEDOM TO We are going to know a new freedom. . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83 Freedom for me is both freedom from and freedom to. The first freedom I enjoy is freedom from the slavery of alcohol. What a relief! Then I begin to experience freedom from fearfear of people, of economic insecurity, of commitment, of failure, of rejection. Then I begin to enjoy freedom tofreedom to choose sobriety for today, freedom to be myself, freedom to express my opinion, to experience peace of mind, to love and be loved, and freedom to grow spiritually. But how can I achieve these freedoms? The Big Book clearly says that before I am halfway through making amends, I will begin to know a \"new\" freedom; not the old freedom of doing what I pleased, without regard to others, but the new freedom that allows fulfillment of the promises in my life. What a joy to be free! JANUARY 31 OUR COMMON WELFARE COMES FIRST The unity of Alcoholics Anonymous is the most cherished quality our Society has . . . W e stay whole, or A. A. dies TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 129 Our Traditions are key elements in the ego deflation process necessary to achieve and maintain sobriety in Alcoholics Anonymous. The First Tradition reminds me not to take credit, or authority, for my recovery. Placing our common welfare first reminds me not to become a healer in this program; I am still one of the patients. Self-effacing elders built the ward. Without it, I doubt I would be alive. Without the group, few alcoholics would recover. The active role in renewed surrender of will enables me to step aside from the need to dominate, the desire for recognition, both of which played so great a part in my active alcoholism. Deferring my personal desires for the greater good of group growth contributes toward A.A. unity that is central to all recovery. It helps me to remember that the whole is greater than the sum of all its parts.  FEBRUARY 1 GOAL: SANITY \". . . Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can't say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 27 \"Came to believe!\" I gave lip service to my belief when I felt like it or when I thought it would look good. I didn't really trust God. I didn't believe He cared for me. I kept trying to change things I couldn't change. Gradually, in disgust, I began to turn it all over, saying: \"You're so omnipotent, you take care of it.\" He did. I began to receive answers to my deepest problems, sometimes at the most unusual times: driving to work, eating lunch, or when I was sound asleep. I realized that I hadn't thought of those solutionsa Power greater than myself had given them to me. I came to believe. FEBRUARY 2 RESCUED BY SURRENDERING Characteristic of the so-called typical alcoholic is a narcissistic egocentric core, dominated by feelings of omnipotence, intent on maintaining at all costs its inner integrity. . . . Inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from man or God He, the alcoholic, is and must be the master of his destiny. He will fight to the end to preserve that position. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 311 The great mystery is: \"Why do some of us die alcoholic deaths, fighting to preserve the 'independence' of our ego, while others seem to sober up effortlessly in A.A.?\" Help from a Higher Power, the gift of sobriety, came to me when an otherwise unexplained desire to stop drinking coincided with my willingness to accept the suggestions of the men and women of A.A. I had to surrender, for only by reaching out to God and my fellows could I be rescued. FEBRUARY 3 FILLING THE VOID We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. \"Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?\" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 47 I was always fascinated with the study of scientific principles. I was emotionally and physically distant from people while I pursued Absolute Knowledge. God and spirituality were meaningless academic exercises. I was a modern man of science, knowledge was my Higher Power. Given the right set of equations, life was merely another problem to solve. Yet my inner self was dying from my outer man's solution to life's problems and the solution was alcohol. In spite of my intelligence, alcohol became my Higher Power. It was through the unconditional love which emanated from A.A. people and meetings that I was able to discard alcohol as my Higher Power. The great void was filled. I was no longer lonely and apart from life. I had found a true power greater than myself, I had found God's love. There is only one equation which really matters to me now: God is in A.A. FEBRUARY 4 WHEN FAITH IS MISSING Sometimes A.A. comes harder to those who have lost or rejected faith than to those who never had any faith at all, for they think they have tried faith and found it wanting. They have tried the way of faith and the way of no faith. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 28 I was so sure God had failed me that I became ultimately defiant, though I knew better, and plunged into a final drinking binge. My faith turned bitter and that was no coincidence. Those who once had great faith hit bottom harder. It took time to rekindle my faith, though I came to A.A. I was grateful intellectually to have survived such a great fall, but my heart felt callous. Still, I stuck with the A.A. program; the alternatives were too bleak! I kept coming back and gradually my faith was resurrected. FEBRUARY 5 A GLORIOUS RELEASE \"The minute I stopped arguing, I could begin to see and feel Right there, Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can't say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now. T o acquire it, I had only to stop fighting and practice the rest of A.A. 's pro-gram as enthusiastically as I could.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 27 After years of indulging in a \"self-will run riot,\" Step Two became for me a glorious release from being all alone. Nothing is so painful or insurmountable in my journey now. Someone is always there to share life's burdens with me. Step Two became a reinforcement with God, and I now realize that my insanity and ego were curiously linked. To rid myself of the former, I must give up the latter to one with far broader shoulders than my own. FEBRUARY 6 A RALLYING POINT Therefore, Step Two is the rallying point for all of us. Whether agnostic, atheist, or former believer, we can stand together on this Step. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 33 I feel that A.A. is a God-inspired program and that God is at every A.A. meeting. I see, believe, and have come to know that A.A. works, because I have stayed sober today. I am turning my life over to A.A. and to God by going to an A.A. meeting. If God is in my heart and everyone else's, then I am a small part of a whole and I am not unique. If God is in my heart and He speaks to me through other people, then I must be a channel of God to other people. I should seek to do His will by living spiritual principles and my reward will be sanity and emotional sobriety. FEBRUARY 7 A PATH TO FAITH True humility and an open mind can lead us to faith, and every A.A. meeting is an assurance that God will restore us to sanity if we rightly relate ourselves to Him. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 33 My last drunk had landed me in the hospital, totally broken. It was then that I was able to see my past float in front of me. I realized that, through drinking, I had lived every nightmare I had ever had. My own self-will and obsession to drink had driven me into a dark pit of hallucinations, blackouts and despair. Finally beaten, I asked for God's help. His presence told me to believe. My obsession for alcohol was taken away and my paranoia has since been lifted. I am no longer afraid. I know my life is healthy and sane. FEBRUARY 8 CONVINCING \"MR. HYDE\" Even then, as we hew away, peace and joy w ill still elude us. That's the place so many of us A. A. oldsters have come to. And it's a hell of a spot, literally. How shall our unconsciousfrom which so many of our fears, compulsions and phony aspirations still stream be brought into line with what we actually believe, know and want! How to convince our dumb, raging and hidden \"Mr. Hyde\" becomes our main task. THE BEST OF BILL, pp. 42-43 Regular attendance at meetings, serving and helping others is the recipe that many have tried and found to be successful. Whenever I stray from these basic principles, my old habits resurface and my old self also comes back with all its fears and defects. The ultimate goal of each A.A. member is permanent sobriety, achieved One Day at a Time. FEBRUARY 9 GETTING THE \"SPIRITUAL ANGLE\" How often do we sit in AA meetings and hear the speaker declare, \"But I haven't yet got the spiritual angle.\" Prior to this statement, he had described a miracle of transformation which had occurred in himnot only his release from alcohol, but a complete change in his whole attitude toward life and the living of it It is apparent to nearly everyone else present that he has received a great gift; \" . . . except that he doesn't seem to know it yet!\" W e well know that this questioning individual will tell us six months or a year hence that he has found faith in God. LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 275 A spiritual experience can be the realization that a life which once seemed empty and devoid of meaning is now joyous and full. In my life today, daily prayer and meditation, coupled with living the Twelve Steps, has brought about an inner peace and feeling of belonging which was missing when I was drinking. FEBRUARY 10 I DON'T RUN THE SHOW When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't What was our choice to be? ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 53 Today my choice is God. He is everything. For this I am truly grateful. When I think I am running the show I am blocking God from my life. I pray I can remember this when I allow myself to get caught up into self. The most important thing is that today I am willing to grow along spiritual lines, and that God is everything. When I was trying to quit drinking on my own, it never worked; with God and A.A., it is working. This seems to be a simple thought for a complicated alcoholic. FEBRUARY 11 THE LIMITS OF SELF-RELIANCE We asked ourselves why we had them [fears]. Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 68 All of my character defects separate me from God's will. When I ignore my association with Him I face the world and my alcoholism alone and must depend on self-reliance. I have never found security and happiness through self-will and the only result is a life of fear and discontent. God provides the path back to Him and to His gift of serenity and comfort. First, however, I must be willing to ac-knowledge my fears and understand their source and power over me. I frequently ask God to help me understand how I separate myself from Him. FEBRUARY 12 \"THE ROOT OF OUR TROUBLES\" Selfishnessself-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62 How amazing the revelation that the world, and everyone in it, can get along just fine with or without me. What a relief to know that people, places and things will be perfectly okay without my control and direction. And how wordlessly wonderful to come to believe that a power greater than me exists separate and apart from myself. I believe that the feeling of separation I experience between me and God will one day vanish. In the meantime, faith must serve as the pathway to the center of my life. FEBRUARY 13 WE CAN'T THINK OUR WAY SOBER To the intellectually self-sufficient man or woman, many A. A.'s can say, \" Ye s , we were like youfar too smart for our own good. . . . Secretly, we felt we could float above the rest of the folks on our brain power alone.\" AS BILL SEES IT, p. 60 Even the most brilliant mind is no defense against the disease of alcoholism. I can't think my way sober. I try to remember that intelligence is a God-given attribute that I may use, a joylike having a talent for dancing or drawing or carpentry. It does not make me better than anyone else, and it is not a particularly reliable tool for recovery, for it is a power greater than myself who will restore me to sanitynot a high IQ or a college degree. FEBRUARY 14 EXPECTATIONS vs. DEMANDS Burn the idea into the consciousness of ever, man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98 Dealing with expectations is a frequent topic at meetings. It isn't wrong to expect progress of myself, good things from life, or decent treatment from others. Where I get into trouble is when my expectations become demands. I will fall short of what I wish to be and situations will go in ways I do not like, because people will let me down sometimes. The only question is: \"What am I going to do about it?\" Wallow in self-pity or anger; retaliate and make a bad situation worse; or will I trust in God's power to bring blessings on the messes in which I find myself? Will I ask Him what I should be learning; do I keep on doing the right things I know how to do, no matter what; do I take time to share my faith and blessings with others? FEBRUARY 15 TAKING ACTION Are these extravagant promises? W e think not They are being fulfilled among ussometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 One of the most important things A.A. has given me, in addition to freedom from booze, is the ability to take \"right action.\" It says the promises will always materialize if I work for them. Fantasizing about them, debating them, preaching about them and faking them just won't work. I'll remain a miserable, rationalizing dry drunk. By taking action and working the Twelve Steps in all my affairs, I'll have a life beyond my wildest dreams. FEBRUARY 16 COMMITMENT Understanding is the key to right principles and attitudes, and right action is the key to good living. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 125 There came a time in my program of recovery when the third stanza of the Serenity Prayer\"The wisdom to know the difference\"became indelibly imprinted in my mind. From that time on, I had to face the ever-present knowledge that my every action, word and thought was within, or outside, the principles of the program. I could no longer hide behind self-rationalization, nor behind the insanity of my disease. The only course open to me, if I was to attain a joyous life for myself (and subsequently for those I love), was one in which I imposed on myself an effort of commitment, discipline, and responsibility. FEBRUARY 17 THE LOVE IN THEIR EYES Some of us won't believe in God, others can't, and still others who do believe that God exists have no faith whatever He will perform this miracle. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 25 It was the changes I saw in the new people who came into the Fellowship that helped me lose my fear, and change my negative attitude to a positive one. I could see the love in their eyes and I was impressed by how much their \"One Day at a Time\" sobriety meant to them. They had looked squarely at Step Two and came to believe that a power greater than themselves was restoring them to sanity. That gave me faith in the Fellowship, and hope that it could work for me too. I found that God was a loving God, not that punishing God I feared before coming to A.A. I also found that He had been with me during all those times I had been in trouble before I came to A.A. I know today that He was the one who led me to A.A. and that I am a miracle. FEBRUARY 18 OUR PATHS ARE OUR OWN . . . there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 25 My first attempt at the Steps was one of obligation and necessity, which resulted in a deep feeling of discouragement in the face of all those adverbs: courageously; completely; humbly; directly; and only. I considered Bill W. fortunate to have gone through such a major, even sensational, spiritual experience. I had to discover, as time went on, that my path was my own. After a few twenty-four hours in the A.A. Fellowship, thanks especially to the sharing of members in the meetings, I understood that everyone gradually finds his or her own pace in moving through the Steps. Through progressive means, I try to live according to these suggested principles. As a result of these Steps, I can say today that my attitude towards life, people, and towards anything having to do with God, has been transformed and improved. FEBRUARY 19 I'M NOT DIFFERENT In the beginning, it was four whole years before A. A. brought permanent sobriety to even one alcoholic woman. Like the \"high bottoms,\" the women said they were different; . . . The Skid-Rower said he was different . . . so did the artists and the professional people, the rich, the poor, the religious, the agnostic, the Indians and the Eskimos, the veterans, and the prisoners . . . nowadays all of these, and legions more, soberly talk about how very much alike all of us alcoholics are when we admit that the chips are finally down. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 24 I cannot consider myself \"different\" in A. A.; if I do I isolate myself from others and from contact with my Higher Power. If I feel isolated in A.A., it is not something for which others are responsible. It is something I've created by feeling I'm \"different\" in some way. Today I practice being just another alcoholic in the worldwide Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. FEBRUARY 20 THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER At this juncture, his A.A. sponsor usually laughs. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 26 Before my recovery from alcoholism began, laughter was one of the most painful sounds I knew. I never laughed and I felt that anyone else's laughter was directed at me! My self-pity and anger denied me the simplest of pleasures or lightness of heart. By the end of my drinking not even alcohol could provoke a drunken giggle in me. When my A.A. sponsor began to laugh and point out my self-pity and ego-feeding deceptions, I was annoyed and hurt, but it taught me to lighten up and focus on my recovery. I soon learned to laugh at myself and eventually I taught those I sponsor to laugh also. Every day I ask God to help me stop taking myself too seriously. FEBRUARY 21 I'M PART OF THE WHOLE At once, I became a partif only a tiny partof a cosmos. . . . AS BILL SEES IT, p. 225 When I first came to A.A., I decided that \"they\" were very nice peopleperhaps a little naive, a little too friendly, but basically decent, earnest people (with whom I had nothing in common). I saw \"them\" at meetingsafter all, that was where \"they\" existed. I shook hands with \"them\" and, when I went out the door, I forgot about \"them.\" Then one day my Higher Power, whom I did not then believe in, arranged to create a community project outside of A.A., but one which happened to involve many A.A. members. We worked together, I got to know \"them\" as people. I came to admire \"them,\" even to like \"them\" and, in spite of myself, to enjoy \"them.\" \"Their\" practice of the program in their daily livesnot just in talk at meetings attracted me and I wanted what they had. Suddenly the \"they\" became \"we.\" I have not had a drink since. FEBRUARY 22 GUIDANCE . . . this means a belief in a Creator who is all power, justice, and love; a God who intends for me a purpose, a meaning, and a destiny to grow, however . . . haltingly, toward His own likeness and image. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 51 As I began to understand my own powerlessness and my dependence on God, as I understand Him, I began to see that there was a life which, if I could have it, I would have chosen for myself from the beginning. It is through the continuing work of the Steps and the life in the Fellowship that I've learned to see that there is truly a better way into which I am being guided. As I come to know more about God, I am able to trust His ways and His plans for the development of His character in me. Quickly or not so quickly, I grow toward His own image and likeness. FEBRUARY 23 MYSTERIOUS PARADOXES Such is the paradox of A.A. regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, the loss of one's old life as a condition for finding a new one. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 46 What glorious mysteries paradoxes are! They do not compute, yet when recognized and accepted, they reaffirm something in the universe beyond human logic. When I face a fear, I am given courage; when I support a brother or sister, my capacity to love myself is increased; when I accept pain as part of the growing experience of life, I realize a greater happiness; when I look at my dark side, I am brought into new light; when I accept my vulnera-bilities and surrender to a Higher Power, I am graced with unforeseen strength. I stumbled through the doors of A.A. in disgrace, expecting nothing from life, and I have been given hope and dignity. Miraculously, the only way to keep the gifts of the program is to pass them on. FEBRUARY 24 A THANKFUL HEART / try to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37 My sponsor told me that I should be a grateful alcoholic and always have \"an attitude of gratitude\"that gratitude was the basic ingredient of humility, that humility was the basic ingredient of anonymity and that \"anonymity was the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.\" As a result of this guidance, I start every morning on my knees, thanking God for three things: I'm alive, I'm sober, and I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Then I try to live an \"attitude of gratitude\" and thoroughly enjoy another twenty-four hours of the A.A. way of life. A.A. is not something I joined; it's something I live. FEBRUARY 25 THE CHALLENGE OF FAILURE In God's economy, nothing is wasted. Through failure, we learn a lesson in humility which is probably needed, painful though it is. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 31 How thankful I am today, to know that all my past failures were necessary for me to be where I am now. Through much pain came experience and, in suffering, I became obedient. When I sought God, as I understand Him, He shared His treasured gifts. Through experience and obedience, growth started, followed by gratitude. Yes, then came peace of mindliving in and sharing sobriety. FEBRUARY 26 NO ORDINARY SUCCESS STORY A.A. is no success story in the ordinary sense of the word. It is a story of suffering transmuted, under grace, into spiritual progress. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 35 Upon entering A.A. I listened to others talk about the reality of their drinking: loneliness, terror and pain. As I listened further, I soon heard a description of a very different kindthe reality of sobriety. It is a reality of freedom and happiness, of purpose and direction, and of serenity and peace with God, ourselves and others. By attending meetings I am reintroduced to that reality, over and over. I see it in the eyes and hear it in the voices of those around me. By working the program I find the direction and strength with which to make it mine. The joy of A.A. is that this new reality is available to me. FEBRUARY 27 A UNIQUE STABILITY Where does A.A. get its direction? . . . These practical folk then read Tradition Two, and learn that the sole authority in A.A. is a loving God as He may express Himself in the group conscience. . . . The elder statesman is the one who sees the wisdom of the group's decision, who holds no resentment over his reduced status, whose judgment, fortified by considerable experience, is sound, and who is willing to sit quietly on the sidelines patiently awaiting developments TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 132, 135 Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions. As my recovery progressed, I realized that the new mantle was tailor-made for me. The elders of the group gently offered suggestions when change seemed impossible. Everyone's shared experiences became the substance for treasured friendships. I know that the Fellowship is ready and equipped to aid each suffering alcoholic at all crossroads in life. In a world beset by many problems, I find this assurance a unique stability. I cherish the gift of sobriety. I offer God my gratitude for the strength I receive in a Fellowship that truly exists for the good of all members. FEBRUARY 28 WHAT? NO PRESIDENT? When told that our Society has no president having authority to govern it, no treasurer who can compel the payment of any dues, . . . our friends gasp and exclaim, \"This simply can't be. . . .\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 132 When I finally made my way to A.A., I could not believe that there was no treasurer to \"compel the payment of dues.\" I could not imagine an organization that didn't require monetary contributions in return for a service. It was my first and, thus far, only experience with getting \"something for nothing.\" Because I did not feel used or conned by those in A.A., I was able to approach the program free from bias and with an open mind. They wanted nothing from me. What could I lose? I thank God for the wisdom of the early founders who knew so well the alcoholic's disdain for being manipulated. FEBRUARY 29 ONE A.A. MIRACLE Slave for a few brief moments of temptation the thought of drink has never returned; and at such times a great revulsion has risen up in him. Seemingly he could not drink even if he would. God had restored his sanity. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 57 The word \"God\" was frightening to me when I first saw it associated with A.A.'s Twelve Steps. Having tried all the means I could to stop drinking, I found that it was not possible for me to sustain that desire over a period of time. Yet, how could I believe in a \"God\" that had allowed me to sink to the deep despair that engulfed mewhether drinking or dry? The answer was in finally admitting that it might be possible for me to know the mercy of a Power greater than myself who could grant me sobriety contingent on my willingness to \"come to believe.\" By finally admitting that I was one among many, and by following the example of my sponsor and other A.A. members in practicing faith I did not have, my life has been given meaning, direction and purpose.  MARCH 1 IT WORKS It worksit really does. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 88 When I got sober I initially had faith only in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Desperation and fear kept me sober (and maybe a caring and/or tough sponsor helped!). Faith in a Higher Power came much later. This faith came slowly at first, after I began listening to others share at meetings about their experiencesexperiences that I had never faced sober, but that they were facing with strength from a Higher Power. Out of their sharing came hope that I too wouldand could\"get\" a Higher Power. In time, I learned that a Higher Powera faith that works under all conditionsis possible. Today this faith, plus the honesty, open-mindedness and willingness to work the Steps of the program, gives me the serenity that I seek. It worksit really does. MARCH 2 HOPE Do not be discouraged. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 60 Few experiences are of less value to me than fast sobriety. Too many times discouragement has been the bonus for unrealistic expectations, not to mention self-pity or fatigue from my wanting to change the world by the weekend. Discouragement is a warning signal that I may have wandered across the God line. The secret of fulfilling my potential is in acknowledging my limitations and believing that time is a gift, not a threat. Hope is the key that unlocks the door of discouragement. The program promises me that if I do not pick up the first drink today, I will always have hope. Having come to believe that I keep what I share, every time I encourage, I receive courage. It is with others that, with the grace of God and the Fellowship of A.A., I trudge the road of happy destiny. May I always remember that the power within me is far greater than any fear before me. May I always have patience, for I am on the right road. MARCH 3 OVERCOMING SELF-WILL So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. W e must, or it kills us! ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62 For so many years my life revolved solely around myself. I was consumed with self in all formsself-centeredness, self-pity, self-seeking, all of which stemmed from pride. Today I have been given the gift, through the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, of practicing the Steps and Traditions in my daily life, of my group and sponsor, and the capacityif I so chooseto put my pride aside in all situations which arise in my life. Until I could honestly look at myself and see that I was the problem in many situations and react appropriately inside and out; until I could discard my expectations and understand that my serenity was directly proportional to them, I could not experience serenity and sound sobriety. MARCH 4 WEEDING THE GARDEN The essence of all growth is a willingness to make a change for the better and then an unremitting willingness to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 115 By the time I had reached Step Three I had been freed of my dependence on alcohol, but bitter experience has shown me that continuous sobriety requires continuous effort. Every now and then I pause to take a good look at my progress. More and more of my garden is weeded each time I look, but each time I also find new weeds sprouting where I thought I had made my final pass with the blade. As I head back to get the newly sprouted weed (it's easier when they are young), I take a moment to admire how lush the growing vegetables and flowers are, and my labors are rewarded. My sobriety grows and bears fruit. MARCH 5 A LIFELONG TASK \"But just how, in these circumstances, does a fellow 'take it easy?' That's what I want to know.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 26 I was never known for my patience. How many times have I asked, \"Why should I wait, when I can have it all right now?\" Indeed, when I was first presented the Twelve Steps, I was like the proverbial \"kid in a candy store.\" I couldn't wait to get to Step Twelve; it was surely just a few months' work, or so I thought! I realize now that living the Twelve Steps of A.A. is a lifelong undertaking. MARCH 6 THE IDEA OF FAITH Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 47 The idea of faith is a very large chunk to swallow when fear, doubt and anger abound in and around me. Sometimes just the idea of doing something different, something I am not accustomed to doing, can eventually become an act of faith if I do it regularly, and do it without debating whether it's the right thing to do. When a bad day comes along and everything is going wrong, a meeting or a talk with another drunk often distracts me just enough to persuade me that everything is not quite as impossible, as overwhelming as I had thought. In the same way, going to a meeting or talking to a fellow alcoholic are acts of faith; I believe I'm arresting my disease. These are ways I slowly move toward faith in a Higher Power. MARCH 7 THE KEY IS WILLINGNESS Once we have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightly open, we find that we can always open it some more. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 35 The willingness to give up my pride and self-will to a Power greater than myself has proved to be the only ingredient absolutely necessary to solve all of my problems today. Even the smallest amount of willingness, if sincere, is sufficient to allow God to enter and take control over any problem, pain, or obsession. My level of comfort is in direct relation to the degree of willingness I possess at any given moment to give up my self-will, and allow God's will to be manifested in my life. With the key of willingness, my worries and fears are powerfully transformed into serenity. MARCH 8 TURNING IT OVER Every man and woman who has joined A.A. and intends to stick has, without realizing it, made a beginning on Step Three. Isn't it true that in all matters touching upon alcohol, each of them has decided to turn his or her life over to the care, protection, and guidance of Alcoholics Anonymous? . . . Any willing newcomer feels sure A.A. is the only safe harbor for the foundering vessel he has become. Now if this is not turning one's will and life over to a newfound Providence, then what is it? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 35 Submission to God was the first step to my recovery. I believe our Fellowship seeks a spirituality open to a new kinship with God. As I exert myself to follow the path of the Steps, I sense a freedom that gives me the ability to think for myself. My addiction confined me without any release and hindered my ability to be released from my self-confinement, but A.A. assures me of a way to go forward. Mutual sharing, concern and caring for others is our natural gift to each other and mine is strengthened as my attitude toward God changes. I learn to submit to God's will in my life, to have self-respect, and to keep both of these attitudes by giving away what I receive. MARCH 9 SURRENDERING SELF-WILL Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 34 No matter how much one wishes to try, exactly how can one turn his own will and his own life over to the care of whatever God he thinks there is? In my search for the answer to this question, I became aware of the wisdom with which it was written: that this is a two-part Step. I could see many times where I should have died, or at least been injured, during my previous style of living, and it never happened. Someone, or something, was looking after me. I choose to believe my life has always been in God's care. He alone controls the number of days I will be granted until physical death. The matter of will (self-will or God's will) is the more difficult part of the Step for me. It is only when I have experienced enough emotional pain, through failed attempts to fix myself, that I become willing to surrender to God's will for my life. Surrender is like the calm after the storm. When my will is in line with God's will for me, there is peace within. MARCH 10 TODAY, IT'S MY CHOICE . . . we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62 With the realization and acceptance that I had played a part in the way my life had turned out came a dramatic change in my outlook. It was at this point that the A.A. program began to work for me. In the past I had always blamed others, either God or other people, for my circumstances. I never felt that I had a choice in altering my life. My deci-sions had been based on fear, pride, or ego. As a result, those decisions led me down a path of self-destruction. Today I try to allow my God to guide me on the road to sanity. I am responsible for my actionor inactionwhatever the consequences may be. MARCH 11 GOOD ORDERLY DIRECTION It is when we try to make our will conform with God's that we begin to use it rightly. T o all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God's intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 40 All I have to do is look back at my past to see where my self-will has led me. I just don't know what's best for me and I believe my Higher Power does. G.O.D., which I define as \"Good Orderly Direction,\" has never let me down, but I have let myself down quite often. Using my self-will in a situation usually has the same result as forcing the wrong piece into a jigsaw puzzleexhaustion and frustration. Step Three opens the door to the rest of the program. When I ask God for guidance I know that whatever happens is the best possible situation, things are exactly as they are supposed to be, even if they aren't what I want or expect. God does do for me what I cannot do for myself, if I let Him. MARCH 12 A DAY'S PLAN On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. W e consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86 Every day I ask God to kindle within me the fire of His love, so that love, burning bright and clear, will illuminate my thinking and permit me to better do His will. Throughout the day, as I allow outside circumstances to dampen my spirits, I ask God to sear my consciousness with the awareness that I can start my day over any time I choose; a hundred times, if necessary. MARCH 13 A WORLD OF THE SPIRIT We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 The word \"entered\" . . . and the phrase \"entered into the world of the Spirit\" are very significant. They imply action, a beginning, getting into, a prerequisite to maintaining my spiritual growth, the \"Spirit\" being the immaterial part of me. Barriers to my spiritual growth are self-centeredness and a materialistic focus on worldly things. Spirituality means devotion to spiritual instead of worldly things, it means obedience to God's will for me. I understand spiritual things to be: unconditional love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control and humility. Any time I allow selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear to be a part of me, I block out spiritual things. As I maintain my sobriety, growing spiritually becomes a lifelong process. My goal is spiritual growth, accepting that I'll never have spiritual perfection. MARCH 14 THE KEYSTONE He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62 A keystone is the wedge-shaped piece at the highest part of an arch that locks the other pieces in place. The \"other pieces\" are Steps One, Two, and Four through Twelve. In one sense this sounds like Step Three is the most important Step, that the other eleven depend on the third for support. In reality however, Step Three is just one of twelve. It is the keystone, but without eleven other stones to build the base and arms, keystone or not, there will be no arch. Through daily working of all Twelve Steps, I find that triumphant arch waiting for me to pass through to another day of freedom. MARCH 15 THE GOD IDEA When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not work. But the God idea did. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 52 Like a blind man gradually being restored to sight, I slowly groped my way to the Third Step. Having realized that only a Power greater than myself could rescue me from the hopeless abyss I was in, I knew that this was a Power that I had to grasp, and that it would be my anchor in the midst of a sea of woes. Even though my faith at that time was mi-nuscule, it was big enough to make me see that it was time for me to discard my reliance on my prideful ego and replace it with the steadying strength that could only come from a Power far greater than myself. MARCH 16 AS WE UNDERSTAND HIM My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. . . . \"Why don't you choose your own conception of God?\" That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years I stood in the sunlight at last. It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 12 I remember the times I looked up into the sky and reflected on who started it all, and how. When I came to A.A., an understanding of some description of the spiritual dimension became a necessary adjunct to a stable sobriety. After reading a variety of versions, including the scientific, of a great explosion, I went for simplicity and made the God of my understanding the Great Power that made the explosion possible. With the vastness of the universe under His command, He would, no doubt, be able to guide my thinking and actions if I was prepared to accept His guidance. But I could not expect help if I turned my back on that help and went my own way. I became willing to believe and I have had 26 years of stable and satisfying sobriety. MARCH 17 MYSTERIOUS WAYS . . . out of every season of grief or suffering when the hand of God seemed heavy or even unjust, new lessons for living were learned, new resources of courage were uncovered, and that finally, inescapably, the conviction came that God does \"move in a mysterious way His wonders to perform.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105 After losing my career, family and health, I remained unconvinced that my way of life needed a second look. My drinking and other drug use were killing me, but I had never met a recovering person or an A.A. member. I thought I was destined to die alone and that I deserved it. At the peak of my despair, my infant son became critically ill with a rare disease. Doctors' efforts to help him proved useless. I redoubled my efforts to block my feelings, but now the alcohol had stopped working. I was left staring into God's eyes, begging for help. My introduction to A.A. came within days, through an odd series of coincidences, and I have remained sober ever since. My son lived and his disease is in remission. The entire episode convinced me of my powerlessness and the unmanageability of my life. Today my son and I thank God for His intervention. MARCH 18 REAL INDEPENDENCE The more we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more independent we actually are. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 36 I start with a little willingness to trust God and He causes that willingness to grow. The more willingness I have, the more trust I gain, and the more trust I gain, the more willingness I have. My dependence on God grows as my trust in Him grows. Before I became willing, I depended on myself for all my needs and I was restricted by my incom-pleteness. Through my willingness to depend upon my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God, all my needs are provided for by Someone Who knows me better than I know myselfeven the needs I may not realize, as well as the ones yet to come. Only Someone Who knows me that well could bring me to be myself and to help me fill the need in someone else that only I am meant to fill. There never will be another exactly like me. And that is real independence. MARCH 19 PRAYER: IT WORKS It has been well said that \"almost the only scoffers at prayer are those who never tried it enough.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 97 Having grown up in an agnostic household, I felt somewhat foolish when I first tried praying. I knew there was a Higher Power working in my lifehow else was I staying sober?but I certainly wasn't convinced he/she/it wanted to hear my prayers. People who had what I wanted said prayer was an important part of practicing the program, so I persevered. With a commitment to daily prayer, I was amazed to find myself becoming more serene and comfortable with my place in the world. In other words, life became easier and less of a struggle. I'm still not sure who, or what, listens to my prayers, but I'd never stop saying them for the simple reason that they work. MARCH 20 LOVE AND TOLERANCE Love and tolerance of others is our code. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 I have found that I have to forgive others in all situations to maintain any real spiritual progress. The vital importance of forgiving may not be obvious to me at first sight, but my studies tell me that every great spiritual teacher has insisted strongly upon it. I must forgive injuries, not just in words, or as a matter of form, but in my heart. I do this not for the other persons' sake, but for my own sake. Resentment, anger, or a desire to see someone punished, are things that rot my soul. Such things fasten my troubles to me with chains. They tie me to other problems that have nothing to do with my original problem. MARCH 21 MATERIAL AND SPIRITUAL WELL-BEING Fear . . . of economic insecurity will leave us. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 Having fear reduced or eliminated and having economic circumstances improve, are two different things. When I was new in A.A., I had those two ideas confused. I thought fear would leave me only when I started making money. However, another line from the Big Book jumped off the page one day when I was chewing on my financial difficulties: \"For us, material well-being always followed spiritual progress; it never preceded.\" (p. 127). I suddenly understood that this promise was a guarantee. I saw that it put priorities in the correct order, that spiritual progress would diminish that terrible fear of being destitute, just as it diminished many other fears. Today I try to use the talents God gave me to benefit others. I've found that is what others valued all along. I try to remember that I no longer work for myself. I only get the use of the wealth God created, I never have \"owned\" it. My life's purpose is much clearer when I just work to help, not to possess. MARCH 22 NO MORE STRUGGLE. . . And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alcohol. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 When A.A. found me, I thought I was in for a struggle, and that A.A. might provide the strength I needed to beat alcohol. Victorious in that fight, who knows what other battles I could win. I would need to be strong, though. All my previous experience with life proved that. Today I do not have to struggle or exert my will. If I take those Twelve Steps and let my Higher Power do the real work, my alcohol problem disappears all by itself. My living problems also cease to be struggles. I just have to ask whether acceptanceor changeis required. It is not my will, but His, that needs doing. MARCH 23 . . . AND NO MORE RESERVATIONS We have seen the truth again and again: \"Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.\". . . If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol. . . . To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time nor take the quantities some of us have. This is particularly true of women. Potential female al-coholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 33 These words are underlined in my book. They are true for men and women alcoholics. On many occasions I've turned to this page and reflected on this passage. I need never fool myself by recalling my sometimes differing drinking patterns, or by believing I am \"cured.\" I like to think that, if sobriety is God's gift to me, then my sober life is my gift to God. I hope God is as happy with His gift as I am with mine. MARCH 24 ACTIVE, NOT PASSIVE Man is supposed to think, and act He wasn't made in God's image to be an automaton. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 55 Before I joined A.A., I often did not think, and reacted to people and situations. When not reacting I acted in a mechanical fashion. After joining A. A., I started seeking daily guidance from a Power greater than myself, and learning to listen for that guidance. Then I began to make decisions and act on them, rather than react to them. The results have been constructive; I no longer allow others to make decisions for me and then criticize me for it. Todayand every daywith a heart full of gratitude, and a desire for God's will to be done through me, my life is worth sharing, especially with my fellow alcoholics! Above all, if I do not make a religion out of anything, even A.A., then I can be an open channel for God's expression. MARCH 25 A FULL AND THANKFUL HEART / try hard to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37 I believe that we in Alcoholics Anonymous are fortunate in that we are constantly reminded of the need to be grateful and of how important gratitude is to our sobriety. I am truly grateful for the sobriety God has given me through the A.A. program and am glad I can give back what was given to me freely. I am grateful not only for sobriety, but for the quality of life my sobriety has brought. God has been gracious enough to give me sober days and a life blessed with peace and contentment, as well as the ability to give and receive love, and the opportunity to serve othersin our Fellowship, my family and my community. For all of this, I have \"a full and thankful heart.\" MARCH 26 THE TEACHING IS NEVER OVER Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past Give freely of what you find and join us. W e shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep youuntil then. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164 These words put a lump in my throat each time I read them. In the beginning it was because I felt, \"Oh no! The teaching is over. Now I'm on my own. It will never be this new again.\" Today I feel deep affection for our A.A. pioneers when I read this passage, realizing that it sums up all of what I believe in, and strive for, and thatwith God's blessingthe teaching is never over, I'm never on my own, and every day is brand new. MARCH 27 A.A.'s FREEDOMS We trust that we already know what our several freedoms truly are; that no future generation of AAs will ever feel compelled to limit them. Our AA freedoms create the soil in which genuine love can grow. . . . LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 303 I craved freedom. First, freedom to drink; later, freedom from drink. The A.A. program of recovery rests on a foundation of free choice. There are no mandates, laws or commandments. A.A.'s spiritual program, as outlined in the Twelve Steps, and by which I am offered even greater freedoms, is only suggested. I can take it or leave it. Sponsorship is offered, not forced, and I come and go as I will. It is these and other freedoms that allow me to recap-ture the dignity that was crushed by the burden of drink, and which is so dearly needed to support an enduring sobriety. MARCH 28 EQUALITY Our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend upon money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 565 Prior to A.A., I often felt that I didn't \"fit in\" with the people around me. Usually \"they\" had more/ less money than I did, and my points of view didn't jibe with \"theirs.\" The amount of prejudice I had experienced in society only proved to me just how phony some self-righteous people were. After joining A. A., I found the way of life I had been searching for. In A.A. no member is better than any other member; we're just alcoholics trying to recover from alcoholism. MARCH 29 TRUSTED SERVANTS They are servants. Theirs is the sometimes thankless privilege of doing the group's chores TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 134 In Zorba the Greek, Nikos Kazantzakis describes an encounter between his principal character and an old man busily at work planting a tree. \"What is it you are doing?\" Zorba asks. The old man replies: \"You can see very well what I'm doing, my son, I'm planting a tree.\" \"But why plant a tree,\" Zorba asks, \"if you won't be able to see it bear fruit?\" And the old man answers: \"I, my son, live as though I were never going to die.\" The response brings a faint smile to Zorba's lips and, as he walks away, he exclaims with a note of irony: \"How strangeI live as though I were going to die tomorrow!\" As a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have found that the Third Legacy is a fertile soil in which to plant the tree of my sobriety. The fruits I harvest are wonderful: peace, security, understanding and twenty-four hours of eternal fulfillment; and with the soundness of mind to listen to the voice of my conscience when, in silence, it gently speaks to me, saying: You must let go in service. There are others who must plant and harvest. MARCH 30 OUR GROUP CONSCIENCE \". . . sometimes the good is the enemy of the best\" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS COMES OF AGE P- 101 I think these words apply to every area of A.A.'s Three Legacies: Recovery, Unity and Service! I want them etched in my mind and life as I \"trudge the Road of Happy Destiny\" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 164). These words, often spoken by co-founder Bill W., were appropriately said to him as the result of the group's conscience. It brought home to Bill W. the essence of our Second Tradi-tion: \"Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.\" Just as Bill W. was originally urged to remember, I think that in our group discussions we should never settle for the \"good,\" but always strive to attain the \"best.\" These common strivings are yet another example of a loving God, as we understand Him, expressing Himself through the group conscience. Experiences such as these help me to stay on the proper path of recovery. I learn to combine initiative with humility, responsibility with thankfulness, and thus relish the joys of living my twenty-four hour program. MARCH 31 NO ONE DENIED ME LOVE On the A. A. calendar it was Year Two. . . . A newcomer appeared at one of these groups. . . . He soon proved that his was a desperate case, and that above all he wanted to get well . . . [He said], \"Since I am the victim of another addiction even worse stigmatized than alcoholism, you may not want me among you.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 141-42 I came to youa wife, mother, woman who had walked out on her husband, children, family. I was a drunk, a pill-head, a nothing. Yet no one denied me love, caring, a sense of belonging. Today, by God's grace and the love of a good sponsor and a home group, I can say thatthrough you in Alcoholics AnonymousI am a wife, a mother, a grandmother and a woman. Sober. Free of pills. Re-sponsible. Without a Higher Power I found in the Fellowship, my life would be meaningless. I am full of gratitude to be a member of good standing in Alcoholics Anonymous.  APRIL 1 LOOKING WITHIN Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 42 Step Four is the vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what the liabilities in each of us have been, and are. I want to find exactly how, when, and where my natural desires have warped me. I wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and myself. By discovering what my emotional deformities are, I can move toward their cor-rection. Without a willing and persistent effort to do this, there can be little sobriety or contentment for me. To resolve ambivalent feelings, I need to feel a strong and helpful sense of myself. Such an awareness doesn't happen overnight, and no one's self-awareness is permanent. Everyone has the capacity for growth, and for self-awareness, through an honest encounter with reality. When I don't avoid issues but meet them directly, always trying to resolve them, they become fewer and fewer. APRIL 2 CHARACTER BUILDING Demands made upon other people for too much attention, protection, and love can only invite domination or revulsion. . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 44 When I uncovered my need for approval in the Fourth Step, I didn't think it should rank as a character defect. I wanted to think of it more as an asset (that is, the desire to please people). It was quickly pointed out to me that this \"need\" can be very crippling. Today I still enjoy getting the approval of others, but I am not willing to pay the price I used to pay to get it. I will not bend myself into a pretzel to get others to like me. If I get your approval, that's fine; but if I don't, I will survive without it. I am responsible for speaking what I perceive to be the truth, not what I think others may want to hear. Similarly, my false pride always kept me overly concerned about my reputation. Since being enlightened in the A.A. program, my aim is to improve my character. APRIL 3 ACCEPTING OUR HUMANNESS W e finally saw that the inventory should be ours, not the other man's So we admitted our wrongs honestly and became willing to set these matters straight. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 222 Why is it that the alcoholic is so unwilling to accept responsibility? I used to drink because of the things that other people did to me. Once I came to A.A. I was told to look at where I had been wrong. What did I have to do with all these different matters? When I simply accepted that I had a part in them, I was able to put it on paper and see it for what it was humanness. I am not expected to be perfect! I have made errors before and I will make them again. To be honest about them allows me to accept themand myselfand those with whom I had the differences; from there, recovery is just a short distance ahead. APRIL 4 CRYING FOR THE MOON \"This very real feeling of inferiority is magnified by his childish sensitivity and it is this state of affairs which generates in him that insatiable, abnormal craving for self-approval and success in the eyes of the world. Still a child, he cries for the moon. And the moon, it seems, won't have him!\" LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 102 While drinking I seemed to vacillate between feeling totally invisible and believing I was the center of the universe. Searching for that elusive balance between the two has become a major part of my recovery. The moon I constantly cried for is, in sobriety, rarely full; it shows me instead its many other phases, and there are lessons in them all. True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer. APRIL 5 TRUE BROTHERHOOD We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 53 This message contained in Step Four was the first one I heard loud and clear; I hadn't seen myself in print before! Prior to my coining into A.A., I knew of no place that could teach me how to become a person among persons. From my very first meeting, I saw people doing just that and I wanted what they had. One of the reasons that I'm a happy, sober alcoholic today is that I'm learning this most important lesson. APRIL 6 A LIFETIME PROCESS We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people. . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 52 These words remind me that I have more problems than alcohol, that alcohol is only a symptom of a more pervasive disease. When I stopped drinking I began a lifetime process of recovery from unruly emotions, painful relationships, and unmanageable situations. This process is too much for most of us without help from a Higher Power and our friends in the Fellowship. When I began working the Steps of the A.A. program, many of these tangled threads unraveled but, little by little, the most broken places of my life straightened out. One day at a time, almost imperceptibly, I healed. Like a thermostat being turned down, my fears diminished. I began to experience moments of contentment. My emotions became less volatile. I am now once again a part of the human family. APRIL 7 A WIDE ARC OF GRATITUDE And, speaking for Dr. Bob and myself, I gratefully declare that had it not been for our wives, Anne and Lois, neither of us could have lived to see A.A.'s beginning. THE A.A. WAY OF LIFE, p. 67 Am I capable of such generous tribute and gratitude to my wife, parents and friends, without whose support I might never have survived to reach A.A.'s doors? I will work on this and try to see the plan my Higher Power is showing me which links our lives together. APRIL 8 AN INSIDE LOOK We want to find exactly how, when, and where our natural desires have warped us W e wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and ourselves By discovering what our emotional deformities are, we can move toward their correction. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 43 Today I am no longer a slave to alcohol, yet in so many ways enslavement still threatensmy self, my desires, even my dreams. Yet without dreams I cannot exist; without dreams there is nothing to keep me moving forward. I must look inside myself, to free myself. I must call upon God's power to face the person I've feared the most, the true me, the person God created me to be. Unless I can or until I do, I will always be running, and never be truly free. I ask God daily to show me such a freedom! APRIL 9 FREEDOM FROM \"KING ALCOHOL\" . . . let us not suppose even for an instant that we are not under constraint. . . . Our former tyrant, King Alcohol, always stands ready again to clutch us to him Therefore, freedom from alcohol is the great \"must\" that has to be achieved, else we go mad or die. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 134 When drinking, I lived in spiritual, emotional, and sometimes, physical confinement. I had constructed my prison with bars of self-will and self-indulgence, from which I could not escape. Occasional dry spells that seemed to promise freedom would turn out to be little more than hopes of a reprieve. True escape required a willingness to follow whatever right actions were needed to turn the lock. With that willingness and action, both the lock and the bars themselves opened for me. Continued willingness and action keep me freein a kind of extended daily probationthat need never end. APRIL 10 GROWING UP The essence of all growth is a willingness to change for the better and then an unremitting willingness to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 115 Sometimes when I've become willing to do what I should have been doing all along, I want praise and recognition. I don't realize that the more I'm willing to act differently, the more exciting my life is. The more I am willing to help others, the more rewards I receive. That's what practicing the principles means to me. Fun and benefits for me are in the willingness to do the actions, not to get immediate results. Being a little kinder, a little slower to anger, a little more loving makes my life better day by day. APRIL 11 A WORD TO DROP: \"BLAME\" To see how erratic emotions victimized us often took a long time. W e could perceive them quickly in others, but only slowly in ourselves First of all, we had to admit that we had many of these defects, even though such disclosures were painful and humiliating. Where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word \"blame\" from our speech and thought TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 47 When I did my Fourth Step, following the Big Book guidelines, I noticed that my grudge list was filled with my prejudices and my blaming others for my not being able to succeed and to live up to my potential. I also discovered I felt different because I was black. As I continued to work on the Step, I learned that I always had drunk to rid myself of those feelings. It was only when I sobered up and worked on my inventory, that I could no longer blame anyone. APRIL 12 GIVING UP INSANITY . . . where alcohol has been involved, we have been strangely insane. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 38 Alcoholism required me to drink, whether I wanted to or not. Insanity dominated my life and was the essence of my disease. It robbed me of the freedom of choice over drinking and, therefore, robbed me of all other choices. When I drank, I was unable to make effective choices in any part of my life and life became unmanageable. I ask God to help me understand and accept the full meaning of the disease of alcoholism. APRIL 13 THE FALSE COMFORT OF SELF-PITY Self-pity is one of the most unhappy and consuming defects that we know. It is a bar to all spiritual progress and can cut off all effective communication with our fellows because of its inordinate demands for attention and sympathy. It is a maudlin form of martyrdom, which we can ill afford. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 238 The false comfort of self-pity screens me from reality only momentarily and then demands, like a drug, that I take an ever bigger dose. If I succumb to this it could lead to a relapse into drinking. What can I do? One certain antidote is to turn my attention, however slightly at first, toward others who are genuinely less fortunate than I, preferably other alcoholics. In the same degree that I actively demonstrate my empathy with them, I will lessen my own exaggerated suffering. APRIL 14 THE \"NUMBER ONE OFFENDER\" Resentment is the \"number one\" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 64 As I look at myself practicing the Fourth Step, it is easy to gloss over the wrong that I have done, because I can easily see it as a question of \"getting even\" for a wrong done to me. If I continue to relive my old hurt, it is a resentment and resentment bars the sunlight from my soul. If I continue o relive hurts and hates, I will hurt and hate myself. After years in the dark of resentments, I have bund the sunlight. I must let go of resentments; I cannot afford them. APRIL 15 THE BONDAGE OF RESENTMENTS . . . harboring resentment is infinitely grave. For then we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 5 It has been said, \"Anger is a luxury I cannot afford.\" Does this suggest I ignore this human emotion? I believe not. Before I learned of the A.A. program, I was a slave to the behavior patterns of alcoholism. I was chained to negativity, with no hope of cutting loose. The Steps offered me an alternative. Step Four was the beginning of the end of my bondage. The process of \"letting go\" started with an inventory. I needed not be frightened, for the previous Steps assured me I was not alone. My Higher Power led me to this door and gave me the gift of choice. Today I can choose to open the door to freedom and rejoice in the sunlight of the Steps, as they cleanse the spirit within me. APRIL 16 ANGER: A \"DUBIOUS LUXURY\" If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of the normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 66 \"Dubious luxury.\" How often have I remembered those words. It's not just anger that's best left to nonalcoholics; I built a list including justifiable resentment, self-pity, judgmentalism, self-righteousness, false pride and false humility. I'm always surprised to read the actual quote. So well have the principles of the program been drummed into me that I keep thinking all of these defects are listed too. Thank God I can't afford themor I surely would indulge in them. APRIL 17 LOVE AND FEAR AS OPPOSITES All these failings generate fear, a soul-sickness in its own right. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 49 \"Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was there.\" I don't know to whom this quote should be attributed, but it certainly indicates very clearly that fear is an illusion. I create the illusion myself. I experienced fear early in my life and I mistakenly thought that the mere presence of it made me a coward. I didn't know that one of the definitions of \"courage\" is \"the willingness to do the right thing in spite of fear.\" Courage, then, is not necessarily the absence of fear. During the times I didn't have love in my life I most assuredly had fear. To fear God is to be afraid of joy. In looking back, I realize that, during the times I feared God most, there was no joy in my life. As I learned not to fear God, I also learned to experience joy. APRIL 18 SELF-HONESTY The deception of others is nearly always rooted in the deception of ourselves. . . . When we are honest with another person, it confirms that we have been honest with ourselves and with God. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 17 When I was drinking, I deceived myself about reality, rewriting it to what I wanted it to be. Deceiving others is a character defecteven if it is just stretching the truth a bit or cleaning up my motives so others would think well of me. My Higher Power can remove this character defect, but first I have to help myself become willing to receive that help by not practicing deception. I need to remember each day that deceiving myself about myself is setting myself up for failure or disappointment in life and in Alcoholics Anonymous. A close, honest relationship with a Higher Power is the only solid foundation I've found for honesty with self and with others. APRIL 19 BROTHERS IN OUR DEFECTS We recovered alcoholics are not so much brothers in virtue as we are brothers in our defects, and in our common strivings to overcome them AS BILL SEES IT, p. 167 The identification that one alcoholic has with another is mysterious, spiritualalmost incomprehensible. But it is there. I \"feel\" it. Today I feel that I can help people and that they can help me. It is a new and exciting feeling for me to care for someone; to care what they are feeling, hoping for, praying for; to know their sadness, joy, horror, sorrow, grief; to want to share those feelings so that someone can have relief. I never knew how to do thisor how to try. I never even cared. The Fellowship of A.A., and God, are teaching me how to care about others. APRIL 20 SELF-EXAMINATION . . . we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86 When said sincerely, this prayer teaches me to be truly unselfish and humble, for even in doing good deeds I often used to seek approval and glory for myself. By examining my motives in all that I do, I can be of service to God and others, helping them do what they want to do. When I put God in charge of my thinking, much needless worry is eliminated and I believe He guides me throughout the day. When I eliminate thoughts of self-pity, dishonesty and self-centeredness as soon as they enter my mind, I find peace with God, my neighbor and myself. APRIL 21 CULTIVATING FAITH \"I don't think we can do anything very well in this world unless we practice it And I don't believe we do A.A. too well unless we practice it. . . . W e should practice . . . acquiring the spirit of service. W e should attempt to acquire some faith, which isn't easily done, especially for the person who has always been very materialistic, following the standards of society today. But I think faith can be acquired; it can be acquired slowly; it has to be cultivated. That was not easy for me, and I assume that it is difficult for everyone else. ...\" DR. BOB AND THE GOOD OLDTIMERS, pp. 307-08 Fear is often the force that prevents me from acquiring and cultivating the power of faith. Fear blocks my appreciation of beauty, tolerance, forgiveness, service, and serenity. APRIL 22 NEW SOIL . . . NEW ROOTS Moments of perception can build into a lifetime of spiritual serenity, as I have excellent reason to know, loots of reality, supplanting the neurotic underbrush, will hold fast despite the high winds of the forces which would destroy us, or which we would use to destroy ourselves. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 173 [ came to A.A. greena seedling quivering with exposed taproots. It was for survival but it was a >beginning. I stretched, developed, twisted, but with he help of others, my spirit eventually burst up from the roots. I was free. I acted, withered, went inside, prayed, acted again, understood anew, as one moment of perception struck. Up from my roots, spirit-arms lengthened into strong, green .hoots: high-springing servants stepping skyward. Here on earth God unconditionally continues the legacy of higher love. My A.A. life put me \"on a different footing . . . [my] roots grasped a new soil\" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 12). APRIL 23 A.A. IS NOT A CURE-ALL It would be a product of false pride to claim that A. A. is a cure-all, even for alcoholism AS BILL SEES IT, p. 285 In my early years of sobriety I was full of pride, thinking that A. A. was the only source of treatment for a good and happy life. It certainly was the basic ingredient for my sobriety and even today, with over twelve years in the program, I am very involved in meetings, sponsorship and service. During the first four years of my recovery, I found it necessary to seek professional help, since my emotional health was extremely poor. There are those folks too, who have found sobriety and happiness in other organizations. A.A. taught me that I had a choice: to go to any lengths to enhance my sobriety. A.A. may not be a cure-all for everything, but it is the center of my sober living. APRIL 24 LEARNING TO LOVE OURSELVES Alcoholism was a lonely business, even though we were surrounded by people who loved us . . . W e were trying to find emotional security either by dominating or by being dependent upon others . . . W e still vainly tried to be secure by some unhealthy sort of domination or dependence. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 252 When I did my personal inventory I found that I had unhealthy relationships with most people in my lifemy friends and family, for example. I always felt isolated and lonely. I drank to dull emotional pain. It was through staying sober, having a good sponsor and working the Twelve Steps that I was able to build up my low self-esteem. First the Twelve Steps taught me to become my own best friend, and then, when I was able to love myself, I could reach out and love others. APRIL 25 ENTERING A NEW DIMENSION In the late stages of our drinking the will to resist has fled. Yet when we admit complete defeat and when we become entirely ready to try A. A. principles, our obsession leaves us and we enter a new dimensionfreedom under God as we understand Him. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 283 I am fortunate to be among the ones who have had this awesome transformation in my life. When I entered the doors of A.A., alone and desperate, I had been beaten into willingness to believe anything I heard. One of the things I heard was, \"This could be your last hangover, or you can keep going round and round.\" The man who said this obviously was a whole lot better off than 1.1 liked the idea of admitting defeat and I have been free ever since! My heart heard what my mind never could: \"Being powerless over alcohol is no big deal.\" I'm free and I'm grateful! APRIL 26 HAPPINESS IS NOT THE POINT / don't think happiness or unhappiness is the point. How do we meet the problems we face? How do we best learn from them and transmit what we have learned to others, if they would receive the knowledge? AS BILL SEES IT, p. 306 In my search \"to be happy,\" I changed jobs, married and divorced, took geographical cures, and ran myself into debtfinancially, emotionally and spiritually. In A.A., I'm learning to grow up. Instead of demanding that people, places and things make me happy, I can ask God for self-acceptance. When a problem overwhelms me, A.A.'s Twelve Steps will help me grow through the pain. The knowledge I gain can be a gift to others who suffer with the same problem. As Bill said, \"When pain comes, we are expected to learn from it willingly, and help others to learn. When happiness comes, we accept it as a gift, and thank God for it.\" (As Bill Sees It, p. 306) APRIL 27 JOYFUL DISCOVERIES W e realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164 Sobriety is a journey of joyful discovery. Each day brings new experience, awareness, greater hope, deeper faith, broader tolerance. I must maintain these attributes or I will have nothing to pass on. Great events for this recovering alcoholic are the normal everyday joys found in being able to live another day in God's grace. APRIL 28 TWO \"MAGNIFICENT STANDARDS\" All A.A. progress can be reckoned in terms of just two words: humility and responsibility. Our whole spiritual development can be accurately measured by our degree of adherence to these magnificent standards. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 271 To acknowledge and respect the views, accomplishments and prerogatives of others and to accept being wrong shows me the way of humility. To practice the principles of A.A. in all my affairs guides me to be responsible. Honoring these precepts gives credence to Tradition Fourand to all other Traditions of the Fellowship. Alcoholics Anonymous has evolved a philosophy of life full of valid motivations, rich in highly relevant principles and ethical values, a view of life which can be extended beyond the confines of the alcoholic population. To honor these precepts I need only to pray, and care for my fellow man as if each one were my brother. APRIL 29 GROUP AUTONOMY Some may think that we have carried the principle of group autonomy to extremes. For example, in its original \"long form,\" Tradition Four declares: \"Any two or three gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that as a group they have no other affiliation. \"* . . . But this ultra-liberty is not so risky as it looks. A.A. COMES OF AGE PP 104-05 As an active alcoholic, I abused every liberty that life afforded. How could A.A. expect me to respect the \"ultraliberty\" bestowed by Tradition Four? Learning respect has become a lifetime job. A.A. has made me fully accept the necessity of discipline and that, if I do not assert it from within, then I will pay for it. This applies to groups too. Tradition Four points me in a spiritual direction, in spite of my alcoholic inclinations. * This is a misquote; Bill quoted the Third Tradition, but was referring to Tradition Four. APRIL 30 A GREAT PARADOX These legacies of suffering and of recovery are easily passed among alcoholics, one to the other. This is our gift from God, and its bestowal upon others like us is the one aim that today animates A.A.'s all around the globe. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 151 The great paradox of A.A. is that I know I cannot keep the precious gift of sobriety unless I give it away. My primary purpose is to stay sober. In A.A. I have no other goal, and the importance of this is a matter of life or death for me. If I veer from this purpose I lose. But A.A. is not only for me; it is for the alcoholic who still suffers. The legions of recovering alcoholics stay sober by sharing with fellow alcoholics. The way to my recovery is to show oth-ers in A.A. that when I share with them, we both grow in the grace of the Higher Power, and both of us are on the road to a happy destiny. MAY 1 HEALING HEART AND MIND Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 55 Since it is true that God comes to me through people, I can see that by keeping people at a distance I also keep God at a distance. God is nearer to me than I think and I can experience Him by loving people and allowing people to love me. But I can neither love nor be loved if I allow my secrets to get in the way. It's the side of myself that I refuse to look at that rules me. I must be willing to look at the dark side in order to heal my mind and heart because that is the road to freedom. I must walk into darkness to find the light and walk into fear to find peace. By revealing my secretsand thereby ridding myself of guiltI can actually change my thinking; by altering my thinking, I can change myself. My thoughts create my future. What I will be tomorrow is determined by what I think today. MAY 2 LIGHTING THE DARK PAST Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you havethe key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 124 No longer is my past an autobiography; it is a reference book to be taken down, opened and shared. Today as I report for duty, the most wonderful picture comes through. For, though this day be dark as some days must bethe stars will shine even brighter later. My witness that they do shine will be called for in the very near future. All my past will this day be a part of me, because it is the key, not the lock. MAY 3 CLEANING HOUSE Somehow, being alone with God doesn't seem as embarrassing as facing up to another person. Until we actually sit down and talk aloud about what we have so long hidden, our willingness to clean house is still largely theoretical. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 60 It wasn't unusual for me to talk to God, and myself, about my character defects. But to sit down, face to face, and openly discuss these intimacies with another person was much more difficult. I recognized in the experience, however, a similar relief to the one I had experienced when I first admitted I was an alcoholic. I began to appreciate the spiritual significance of the program and that this Step was just an introduction to what was yet to come in the remaining seven Steps. MAY 4 \"ENTIRELY HONEST\" We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 73-74 Honesty, like all virtues, is to be shared. It began after I shared \". . . [my] whole life's story with someone . . . \" in order to find my place in the Fellowship. Later I shared my life in order to help the newcomer find his place with us. This sharing helps me to learn honesty in all my dealings and to know that God's plan for me comes true through honest openness and willingness. MAY 5 THE FOREST AND THE TREES . . . what comes to us alone may be garbled by our own rationalization and wishful thinking. The benefit of talking to another person is that we can get his direct comment and counsel on our situation. . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 60 I cannot count the times when I have been angry and frustrated and said to myself, \"I can't see the forest for the trees!\" I finally realized that what I needed when I was in such pain was someone who could guide me in separating the forest and the trees; who could suggest a better path to follow; who could assist me in putting out fires; and help me avoid the rocks and pitfalls. I ask God, when I'm in the forest, to give me the courage to call upon a member of A.A. MAY 6 \"HOLD BACK NOTHING\" The real tests of the situation are your own willingness to confide and your full confidence in the one with whom you share your first accurate self-survey. . . . Provided you hold back nothing, your sense of relief will mount from minute to minute. The dammed-up emotions of years break out of their confinement, and miraculously vanish as soon as they are exposed. As the pain subsides, a healing tranquility takes its place. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 61-62 A tiny kernel of locked-in feelings began to unfold when I first attended A.A. meetings and self-knowledge then became a learning task for me. This new self-understanding brought about a change in my responses to life's situations. I realized I had the right to make choices in my life, and the inner dictatorship of habits slowly lost its grip. I believe that if I seek God I can find a better way to live and I ask Him daily to assist me in living a sober life. MAY 7 RESPECT FOR OTHERS Such parts of our story we tell to someone who will understand, yet be unaffected. The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 74 Respect for others is the lesson that I take out of this passage. I must go to any lengths to free myself if I wish to find that peace of mind that I have sought for so long. However, none of this must be done at another's expense. Selfishness has no place in the A.A. way of life. When I take the Fifth Step it's wiser to choose a person with whom I share common aims because if that person does not understand me, my spiritual progress may be delayed and I could be in danger of a relapse. So I ask for divine guidance before choosing the man or woman whom I take into my confidence. MAY 8 ________________________________________ A RESTING PLACE All of A.A. 's Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural desires . . . they all deflate our egos. When it comes to ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take than Five. But scarcely any Step is more necessary to longtime sobriety and peace of mind than this one. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 55 After writing down my character defects, I was unwilling to talk about them, and decided it was time to stop carrying this burden alone. I needed to confess those defects to someone else. I had readand been toldI could not stay sober unless I did. Step Five provided me with a feeling of belonging, with humility and serenity when I practiced it in my daily living. It was important to admit my defects of character in the order presented in Step Five: \"to God, to ourselves and to another human being.\" Admitting to God first paved the way for admission to myself and to another person. As the taking of the Step is described, a feeling of being at one with God and my fellow man brought me to a resting place where I could prepare myself for the remain-ing Steps toward a full and meaningful sobriety. MAY 9 WALKING THROUGH FEAR If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76 When I had taken my Fifth Step, I became aware that all my defects of character stemmed from my need to feel secure and loved. To use my will alone to work on them would have been trying obsessively to solve the problem. In the Sixth Step I intensified the action I had taken in the first three Stepsmeditating on the Step by saying it over and over, going to meetings, following my sponsor's suggestions, reading and searching within myself. During the first three years of sobriety I had a fear of entering an elevator alone. One day I decided I must walk through this fear. I asked for God's help, entered the elevator, and there in the corner was a lady crying. She said that since her husband had died she was deathly afraid of elevators. I forgot my fear and comforted her. This spiritual experience helped me to see how willingness was the key to working the rest of the Twelve Steps to recovery. God helps those who help themselves. MAY 10 ______________________________________ FREE AT LAST Another great dividend we may expect from confiding our defects to another human being is humility a word often misunderstood. . . . it amounts to a clear recognition of what and who we really are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 58 I knew deep inside that if I were ever to be joyous, happy and free, I had to share my past life with some other individual. The joy and relief I experienced after doing so were beyond description. Almost immediately after taking the Fifth Step, I felt free from the bondage of self and the bondage of alcohol. That freedom remains after 36 years, a day at a time. I found that God could do for me what I couldn't do for myself. MAY 11 A NEW SENSE OF BELONGING Until we had talked with complete candor of our conflicts, and had listened to someone else do the same thing, we s till didn't belong. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 57 After four years in A.A. I was able to discover the freedom from the burden of buried emotions that had caused me so much pain. With the help of A.A., and extra counseling, the pain was released and I felt a complete sense of belonging and peace. I also felt a joy and a love of God that I had never experienced before. I am in awe of the power of Step Five. MAY 12 THE PAST IS OVER A.A. experience has taught us we cannot live alone with our pressing problems and the character defects which cause or aggravate them. If. . . Step Four . . . has revealed in stark relief those experiences we'd rather not remember . . . then the need to quit living by ourselves with those tormenting ghosts of yesterday gets more urgent than ever. We have to talk to somebody about them. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 55 Whatever is done is over. It cannot be changed. But my attitude about it can be changed through talking with those who have gone before and with sponsors. I can wish the past never was, but if I change my actions in regard to what I have done, my attitude will change. I won't have to wish the past away. I can change my feelings and attitudes, but only through my actions and the help of my fellow alcoholics. MAY 13 THE EASIER, SOFTER WAY If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 72 I certainly didn't leap at the opportunity to face who I was, especially when the pains of my drinking days hung over me like a dark cloud. But I soon heard at the meetings about the fellow member who just didn't want to take Step Five and kept coming back to meetings, trembling from the horrors of reliving his past. The easier, softer way is to take these Steps to freedom from our fatal disease, and to put our faith in the Fellowship and our Higher Power. MAY 14 IT'S OKAY TO BE ME Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. . . . they have turned to easier methods. . . . But they had not learned enough humility. . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 72-73 Humility sounds so much like hu miliation, but it really is the ability to look at myselfand honestly accept what I find. I no longer need to be the \"smartest\" or \"dumbest\" or any other \"est.\" Finally, it is okay to be me. It is easier for me to accept myself if I share my whole life. If I cannot share in meetings, then I had better have a sponsor someone with whom I can share those \"certain facts\" that could lead me back to a drunk, to death. I need to take all the Steps. I need the Fifth Step to learn true humility. Easier methods do not work. MAY 15 KNOW GOD; KNOW PEACE It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. . . . But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 66 Know God; Know peace. No God; No peace. MAY 16 WE FORGIVE . . . Often it was while working on this Step with our sponsors or spiritual advisers that we first felt truly able to forgive others, no matter how deeply we felt hey had wronged us. Our moral inventory had persuaded us that all-round forgiveness was desirable, but it was only when we resolutely tackled Step Five hat we inwardly knew we'd be able to receive forgiveness and give it, too. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 58 What a great feeling forgiveness is! What a revelation about my emotional, psychological and spiritual nature. All it takes is willingness to forgive; 5od will do the rest. MAY 17 . . . AND FORGIVE Under very trying conditions I have had, again and again, to forgive othersalso myself AS BILL SEES IT, p. 268 Forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others are just two currents in the same river, both hindered or shut off completely by the dam of resentment. Once that dam is lifted, both currents can flow. The Steps of A.A. allow me to see how resentment has built up and subsequently blocked off this flow in my life. The Steps provide a way by which my resentments mayby the grace of God as I understand Him be lifted. It is as a result of this solution that I can find the necessary grace which enables me to for-give myself and others. MAY 18 FREEDOM TO BE ME If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83 My first true freedom is the freedom not to have to take a drink today. If I truly want it, I will work the Twelve Steps and the happiness of this freedom will come to me through the Stepssometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Other freedoms will follow, and inventorying them is a new happiness. I had a new freedom today, the freedom to be me. I have the freedom to be the best me I have ever been. MAY 19 GIVING WITHOUT STRINGS And he well knows that his own life has been made richer, as an extra dividend of giving to another without any demand for a return. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 69 The concept of giving without strings was hard to understand when I first came into the program. I was suspicious when others wanted to help me. I thought, \"What do they want in return?\" But I soon learned the joy of helping another alcoholic and I understood why they were there for me in the beginning. My attitudes changed and I wanted to help others. Sometimes I became anxious, as I wanted them to know the joys of sobriety, that life can be bea ut if ul . W hen m y lif e is f ul l o f a lo v ing Go d o f my understanding and I give that love to my fellow alcoholic, I feel a special richness that is hard to explain. MAY 20 ONE DAY AT A TIME Above all, take it one day at a time. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 11 Why do I kid myself that I must stay away from a drink for only one day, when I know perfectly well I must never drink again as long as I live? I am not kidding myself because one day at a time is probably the only way I can reach the long-range objective of staying sober. If I determine that I shall never drink again as long as I live, I set myself up. How can I be sure I won't drink when I have no idea what the future may hold? On a day-at-a-time basis, I am confident I can stay away from a drink for one day. So I set out with confidence. At the end of the day, I have the reward of achievement. Achievement feels good and that makes me want more! MAY 21 A LIST OF BLESSINGS One exercise that I practice is to try for a full inventory of my blessings. . . . AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37 What did I have to be grateful for? I shut myself up and started listing the blessings for which I was in no way responsible, beginning with having been born of sound mind and body. I went through seventy-four years of living right up to the present moment. The list ran to two pages, and took two hours to compile; I included health, family, money, A.A. the whole gamut. Every day in my prayers, I ask God to help me remember my list, and to be grateful for it throughout the day. When I remember my gratitude list, it's very hard to conclude that God is picking on me. MAY 22 STEP ONE WE . . . (The first word of the First Step) TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21 When I was drinking all I could ever think about was \"I, I, I,\" or \"Me, Me, Me.\" Such painful obsession of self, such soul sickness, such spiritual selfishness bound me to the bottle for more than half my life. The journey to find God and to do His will one day at a time began with the first word of the First Step . . . \"We.\" There was power in numbers, there was strength in numbers, there was safety in numbers, and for an alcoholic like me, there was life in numbers. If I had tried to recover alone I probably would have died. With God and another alcoholic I have a divine purpose in my life . . . I have become a channel for God's healing love. MAY 23 SPIRITUAL HEALTH When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 64 It is very difficult for me to come to terms with my spiritual illness because of my great pride, disguised by my material successes and my intellectual power. Intelligence is not incompatible with humility, provided I place humility first. To seek prestige and wealth is the ultimate goal for many in the modern world. To be fashionable and to seem better than I really am is a spiritual illness. To recognize and to admit my weaknesses is the beginning of good spiritual health. It is a sign of spiritual health to he able to ask God every day to enlighten me, to recognize His will, and to have the strength to execute it. My spiritual health is excellent when I realize that the better I get, the more I discover how much help I need from others. MAY 24 \"HAPPY, JOYOUS AND FREE\" We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is vale of tears, though it once was just that for many f us. But it is clear that we made our own misery, rod didn't do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 133 For years I believed in a punishing God and blamed him for my misery. I have learned that I must lay down the \"weapons\" of self in order to pick up the \"tools\" of the A.A. program. I do not struggle with he program because it is a gift and I have never struggled when receiving a gift. If I sometimes keep MI struggling, it is because I'm still hanging onto my old ideas and \" . . . the results are nil.\" MAY 25 PROGRESSIVE GRATITUDE Gratitude should go forward, rather than backward. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 29 I am very grateful that my Higher Power has given me a second chance to live a worthwhile life. Through Alcoholics Anonymous, I have been restored to sanity. The promises are being fulfilled in my life. I am grateful to be free from the slavery of alcohol. I am grateful for peace of mind and the opportunity to grow, but my gratitude should go forward rather than backward. I cannot stay sober on yesterday's meetings or past Twelfth-Step calls; I need to put my gratitude into action today. Our co-founder said our gratitude can best be shown by carrying the message to others. Without action, my gratitude is just a pleasant emotion. I need to put it into action by working Step Twelve, by carrying the message and practicing the principles in all my affairs. I am grateful for the chance to carry the message today! MAY 26 TURNING NEGATIVE TO POSITIVE Our spiritual and emotional growth in A.A. does not depend so deeply upon success as it does upon our failures and setbacks. If you will bear this in mind, I think that your slip will have the effect of kicking you upstairs, instead of down. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 184 In keeping with the pain and adversity which our founders encountered and overcame in establishing A.A., Bill W. sent us a clear message: a relapse can provide a positive experience toward abstinence and a lifetime of recovery. A relapse brings truth to what we hear repeatedly in meetings\"Don't take that first drink!\" It reinforces the belief in the progressive nature of the disease, and it drives home the need for, and beauty of, humility in our spiritual program. Simple truths come in complicated ways to me when I become ego driven. MAY 27 NO MAUDLIN GUILT Day by day, we try to move a little toward God's perfection. So we need not be consumed by maudlin guilt. . . . AS BILL SEES IT, p. 15 When I first discovered that there is not a single \"don't\" in the Twelve Steps of A.A., I was disturbed because this discovery swung open a giant portal. Only then was I able to realize what A.A. is for me: A.A. is not a program of \"don'ts, but of \"do's.\" A.A. is not martial law; it is freedom. A.A. is not tears over defects, but sweat over fixing them. A.A. is not penitence; it is salvation. A.A. is not \"Woe to me\" for my sins, past and present. A.A. is \"Praise God\" for the progress I am making today. MAY 28 EQUAL RIGHTS At one time or another most A.A. groups go on rulemaking benders. . . . After a time fear and intolerance subside, [and we realize] W e do not wish to deny anyone his chance to recover from alcoholism. W e wish to be just as inclusive as we can, never exclusive. \"A.A. TRADITION: HOW IT DEVELOPED,\" pp. 10, 11, 12 A.A. offered me complete freedom and accepted me into the Fellowship for myself. Membership did not depend upon conformity, financial success or education and I am so grateful for that. I often ask myself if I extend the same equality to others or if I deny them the freedom to be different. Today I try to replace my fear and intolerance with faith, patience, love and acceptance. I can bring these strengths to my A.A. group, my home and my office. I make an effort to bring my positive attitude everywhere that I go. I have neither the right, nor the responsibility, to judge others. Depending on my attitude I can view newcomers to A.A., family members and friends as menaces or as teachers. When I think of some of my past judgments, it is clear how my self-righteousness caused me spiritual harm. MAY 29 TRUE TOLERANCE The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 139 I first heard the short form of the Third Tradition in the Preamble. When I came to A.A. I could not accept myself, my alcoholism, or a Higher Power. If there had been any physical, mental, moral, or religious requirements for membership, I would be dead today. Bill W. said in his tape on the Traditions that the Third Tradition is a charter for individual freedom. The most impressive thing to me was the feeling of acceptance from members who were practicing the Third Tradition by tolerating and accepting me. I feel acceptance is love and love is God's will for us. MAY 30 OUR PRIMARY PURPOSE The more A.A. sticks to its primary purpose, the greater will be its helpful influence everywhere. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 109 It is with gratitude that I reflect on the early days of our Fellowship and those wise and loving \"foresteppers\" who proclaimed that we should not be diverted from our primary purpose, that of carrying the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. I desire to impart respect to those who labor in the field of alcoholism, being ever mindful that A.A. endorses no causes other than its own. I must remember that A.A. has no monopoly on miracle-making and I remain humbly grateful to a loving God who made A.A. possible. MAY 31 READINESS TO SERVE OTHERS . . . our Society has concluded that it has but one high missionto carry the A.A. message to those who don't know there's a way out TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 151 The \"Light\" to freedom shines bright on my fellow alcoholics as each one of us challenges the other to grow. The \"Steps\" to self-improvement have small beginnings, but each Step builds the \"ladder\" out of the pit of despair to new hope. Honesty becomes my \"tool\" to unfurl the \"chains\" which bound me. A sponsor, who is a caring listener, can help me to truly hear the message guiding me to freedom. I ask God for the courage to live in such a way that the Fellowship may be a testimony to His favor. This mission frees me to share my gifts of wellness through a spirit of readiness to serve others.  JUNE 1 A CHANGED OUTLOOK Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 When I was drinking, my attitude was totally selfish, totally self-centered; my pleasure and my comfort came first. Now that I am sober, self-seeking has started to slip away. My whole attitude toward life and other people is changing. For me, the first \"A\" in our name stands for attitude. My attitude is changed by the second \"A\" in our name, which stands for action. By working the Steps, attending meetings, and carrying the message, I can be re-stored to sanity. Action is the magic word! With a positive, helpful attitude and regular A.A. action, I can stay sober and help others to achieve sobriety. My attitude now is that I am willing to go to any length to stay sober! JUNE 2 THE UPWARD PATH Here are the steps we took. . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59 These are the words that lead into the Twelve Steps. In their direct simplicity they sweep aside all psychological and philosophical considerations about the lightness of the Steps. They describe what I did: I took the Steps and sobriety was the result. These words do not imply that I should walk the well-trodden path of those who went before, but rather that there is a way for me to become sober and that it is a way I shall have to find. It is a new path, one that leads to infinite light at the top of the mountain. The Steps advise me about the footholds that are safe and about chasms to avoid. They provide me with the tools I need during the many parts of the solitary journey of my soul. When I speak of this journey, I share my experience, strength and hope with others. JUNE 3 ON A WING AND A PRAYER . . . we then look at Step Six. W e have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76 Steps Four and Five were difficult, but worthwhile. Now I was stuck on Step Six and, in despair, I picked up the Big Book and read this passage. I was outside, praying for willingness, when I raised my eyes and saw a huge bird rising in the sky. I watched it suddenly give itself up to the powerful air currents of the mountains. Swept along, swooping and soaring, the bird did things seemingly im-possible for mortal birds to do. It was an inspiring example of a fellow creature \"letting go\" to a power greater than itself. I realized that if the bird \"took back his will\" and tried to fly with less trust, on its power alone, it would spoil its apparent free flight. That insight granted me the willingness to pray the Seventh Step prayer. It's not easy to know God's will in each circumstance. I must search out and be ready for the currents, and that's where prayer and meditation help! Because I am, of myself, nothing, I ask God to grant me the knowledge of His will and the power and courage to carry it outtoday. JUNE 4 LETTING GO OF OUR OLD SELVES Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. . . . Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 75, 76 The Sixth Step is the last \"preparation\" Step. Although I have already used prayer extensively, I have made no formal request of my Higher Power in the first Six Steps. I have identified my problem, come to believe that there is a solution, made a decision to seek this solution, and have \"cleaned house.\" I now ask: Am I willing to live a life of sobriety, of change, to let go of my old self? I must determine if I am truly ready to change. I review what I have done and become willing for God to remove all my defects of character; for in the next Step, I will tell my Creator I am willing and will ask for help. If I have been thorough in the preparation of my foundation and feel that I am willing to change, I am then ready to continue with the next Step. \"If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.\" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 76) JUNE 5 ENTIRELY READY? \"This is the Step that separates the men from the boys \" . . . the difference between \"the boys and the men\" is the difference between striving for a self-determined objective and for the perfect objective which is of God. . . . It is suggested that we ought to become entirely willing to aim toward perfection. . . . The moment we say, \"No, never!\" our minds close against the grace of God. . . . This is the exact point at which we abandon limited objectives, and move toward God's will for us TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 63, 68, 69 Am I entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character? Do I know at long last that I cannot save myself? I have come to believe that I cannot. If I am unable, if my best intentions go wrong, if my desires are selfishly motivated and if my knowledge and will are limitedthen I am ready to embrace God's will for my life. JUNE 6 ALL WE DO IS TRY Can He now take them allevery one? ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76 In doing Step Six it helped me a lot to remember that I am striving for \"spiritual progress.\" Some of my character defects may be with me for the rest of my life, but most have been toned down or eliminated. All that Step Six asks of me is to become willing to name my defects, claim them as my own, and be willing to discard the ones I can, just for today. As I grow in the program, many of my defects become more objectionable to me than previously and, therefore, I need to repeat Step Six so that I can become happier with myself and maintain my serenity. JUNE 7 LONG-TERM HOPE Since most of us are born with an abundance of natural desires, it isn't strange that we often let these far exceed their intended purpose. When they drive us blindly, or we willfully demand that they supply us with more satisfactions or pleasures than are possible or due us, that is the point at which we depart from the degree of perfection that God wishes for us here on earth. That is the measure of our character defects, or, if you wish, of our sins. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 65 This is where long-term hope is born and perspective is gained, both of the nature of my illness and the path of my recovery. The beauty of A.A. lies in knowing that my life, with God's help, will improve. The A.A. journey becomes richer, the understanding becomes truth, the dreams become realitiesand today becomes forever. As I step into the A.A. light, my heart fills with the presence of God. JUNE 8 OPENING UP TO CHANGE Self-searching is the means by which we bring new vision, action, and grace to bear upon the dark and negative side of our natures With it comes the development of that kind of humility that makes it possible for us to receive God's help. . . . we find that bit by bit we can discard the old lifethe one that did not workfor a new life that can and does work under any conditions whatever. AS BILL SEES IT, pp. 10, 8 I have been given a daily reprieve contingent upon my spiritual condition, provided I seek progress, not perfection. To become ready for change, I practice willingness, opening myself to possibilities of change. If I realize there are defects that hinder my usefulness in A.A. and toward others, I become ready by meditating and receiving direction. \"Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely\" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 58). To let go and let God, I need only surrender my old ways to Him; I no longer fight nor do I try to control, but simply believe that, with God's help, I am changed and affirming this belief makes me ready. I empty myself to be full of awareness, light, and love, and I am ready to face each day with hope. JUNE 9 LIVING IN THE NOW First, we try living in the now just in order to stay sober and it works Once the idea has become a part of our thinking we find that living life in 24-hour segments is an effective and satisfying way to handle many other matters as well LIVING SOBER, p. 7 \"One Day At A Time.\" To a newcomer this and other oneliners of A.A. may seem ridiculous. The passwords of the A.A. Fellowship can become lifelines in moments of stress. Each day can be like a rose unfurling according to the plan of a Power greater than myself. My program should be planted in the right location, just as it will need to be groomed, nourished, and protected from disease. My planting will require patience, and my realizing that some flowers will be more perfect than others. Each stage of the petals' unfolding can bring wonder and delight if I do not interfere or let my expectations override my acceptanceand this brings serenity. JUNE 10 IMPATIENT? TRY LEVITATING We reacted more strongly to frustrations than normal people. AS BILL SEES IT, p. I l l Impatience with other people is one of my principal failings. Following a slow car in a no-passing lane, or waiting in a restaurant for the check, drives me to distraction. Before I give God a chance to slow me down, I explode, and that's what I call being quicker than God. That repeated experience gave me an idea. I thought if I could look down on these events from God's point of view, I might better control my feelings and behavior. I tried it and when I encountered the next slow driver, I levitated and looked down on the other car and upon myself. I saw an elderly couple driving along, happily chatting about their grandchildren. They were followed by mebug-eyed and red of facewho had no time schedule to meet anyway. I looked so silly that I dropped back into reality and slowed down. Seeing things from God's angle of vision can be very relaxing. JUNE 11 FAMILY OBLIGATIONS . . . a spiritual life which does not include . . . family obligations may not be so perfect after all. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 129 I can be doing great in the programapplying it at meetings, at work, and in service activitiesand find that things have gone to pieces at home. I expect my loved ones to understand, but they cannot. I expect them to see and value my progress, but they don'tunless I show them. Do I neglect their needs and desires for my attention and concern? When I'm around them, am I irritable or boring? Are my \"amends\" a mumbled \"Sorry,\" or do they take the form of patience and tolerance? Do I preach to them, trying to reform or \"fix\" them? Have I ever really cleaned house with them! \"The spiritual life is not a theory. W e have to live it\" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 83). JUNE 12 FORMING TRUE PARTNERSHIPS But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 53 Can these words apply to me, am I still unable to form a true partnership with another human being? What a terrible handicap that would be for me to carry into my sober life! In my sobriety I will meditate and pray to discover how I may be a trusted friend and companion. JUNE 13 LIVING OUR AMENDS \"Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. The entire family is, to some extent, ill.\" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 122 It is important for me to realize that, as an alcoholic, I not only hurt myself, but also those around me. Making amends to my family, and to the families of alcoholics still suffering, will always be important. Understanding the havoc I created and trying to repair the destruction, will be a lifelong endeavor. The example of my sobriety may give others hope, and faith to help themselves. JUNE 14 WHEN THE GOING GETS ROUGH It is a design for living that works in rough going. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 15 When I came to A.A., I realized that A.A. worked wonderfully to help keep me sober. But could it work on real life problems, not concerned with drinking? I had my doubts. After being sober for more than two years I got my answer. I lost my job, developed physical problems, my diabetic father lost a leg, and someone I loved left me for another and all of this happened during a two-week pe-riod. Reality crashed in, yet A.A. was there to support, comfort, and strengthen me. The principles I had learned during my early days of sobriety became a mainstay of my life for not only did I come through, but I never stopped being able to help newcomers. A.A. taught me not to be overwhelmed, but rather to accept and understand my life as it unfolded. JUNE 15 MAKING A.A. YOUR HIGHER POWER \". . . Yo u can . . . make A.A. itself your 'higher power.' Here's a very large group of people who have solved their alcohol problem. . . . many members . . . have crossed the threshold just this way. . . . their faith broadened and deepened. . . . transformed, they came to believe in a Higher Power. . . . \" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 27-28 No one was greater than I, at least in my eyes, when I was drinking. Nevertheless, I couldn't smile at myself in the mirror, so I came to A.A. where, with others, I heard talk of a Higher Power. I couldn't accept the concept of a Higher Power because I believed God was cruel and unloving. In desperation I chose a table, a tree, then my A.A. group, as my Higher Power. Time passed, my life improved, and I began to wonder about this Higher Power. Gradually, with patience, humility and a lot of questions, I came to believe in God. Now my relationship with my Higher Power gives me the strength to live a happy, sober life. JUNE 16 OPEN-MINDEDNESS We have found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him. To us, the realm of spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive, never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all men. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 7 Open-mindedness to concepts of a Higher Power can open doors to the spirit. Often I find the human spirit in various dogmas and faiths. I can be spiritual in the sharing of myself. The sharing of self joins me to the human race and brings me closer to God, as I understand Him. JUNE 17 \"DEEP DOWN WITHIN US\" We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found. . . . search diligently within yourself. . . . With this attitude you cannot fail. The consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 55 It was out of the depths of loneliness, depression and despair that I sought the help of A.A. As I recovered and began to face the emptiness and ruin of my life, I began to open myself to the possibility of the healing that recovery offers through the A.A. program. By coining to meetings, staying sober, and taking the Steps, I had the opportunity to listen with increasing attentiveness to the depths of my soul. Daily I waited, in hope and gratitude, for that sure belief and steadfast love I had longed for in my life. In this process, I met my God, as I understand Him. JUNE 18 A FELLOWSHIP OF FREEDOM . . . if only men were granted absolute liberty, and were compelled to obey no one, they would then voluntarily associate themselves in the common interest AS BILL SEES IT, p. 50 When I no longer live under the dictates of another or of alcohol, I live in a new freedom. When I release the past and all the excess baggage I have carried for so very long, I come to know freedom. I have been introduced into a life and a fellowship of freedom. The Steps are a \"recommended\" way of finding a new life, there are no commands or dictates in A.A. I am free to serve from desire rather than decree. There is the understanding that I will benefit from the growth of other members and I take what I learn and bring it back to the group. The \"common welfare\" finds room to grow in the society of personal freedom. JUNE 19 \"A.A. REGENERATION\" Such is the paradox of A.A. regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, the loss of one's old life as a condition for finding a new one. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 46 A thousand beatings by John Barleycorn did not encourage me to admit defeat. I believed it was my moral obligation to conquer my \"enemy-friend.\" At my first A.A. meeting I was blessed with a feeling that it was all right to admit defeat to a disease which had nothing to do with my \"moral fiber.\" I knew instinctively that I was in the presence of a great love when I entered the doors of A.A. With no effort on my part, I became aware that to love myself was good and right, as God had intended. My feelings set me free, where my thoughts had held me in bondage. I am grateful. JUNE 20 RELEASE FROM FEAR The problem of resolving fear has two aspects. W e shall have to try for all the freedom from fear that is possible for us to attain. Then we shall need to find both the courage and grace to deal constructively with whatever fears remain. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 61 Most of my decisions were based on fear. Alcohol made life easier to face, but the time came when alcohol was no longer an alternative to fear. One of the greatest gifts in A.A. for me has been the courage to take action, which I can do with God's help. After five years of sobriety I had to deal with a heavy dose of fear. God put the people in my life to help me do that and, through my working the Twelve Steps, I am becoming the whole person I wish to be and, for that, I am deeply grateful. JUNE 21 The achievement of freedom from fear is a lifetime undertaking, one that can never be wholly completed. When under heavy attack, acute illness, or in other conditions of serious insecurity, we shall all act to this emotionwell or badly, as the case may be. Only the self-deceived w ill claim perfect freedom from fear. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 263 Fear has caused suffering when I could have had more faith. There are times when fear suddenly tears me apart, just when I'm experiencing feelings of joy, happiness and a lightness of heart. Faith and a feeling of self-worth toward a Higher Powerhelps me endure tragedy and ecstasy. When I choose to give all of my fears over to my Higher Power, I will be free. JUNE 22 TODAY, I'M FREE This brought me to the good healthy realization that there were plenty of situations left in the world over which I had no personal powerthat if I was so ready to admit that to be the case with alcohol, s o I must make the same admission with respect to much else. I would have to be still and know that He, not I, was God. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 114 I am learning to practice acceptance in all circumstances of my life, so that I may enjoy peace of mind. At one time life was a constant battle because I felt I had to go through each day fighting myself, and everyone else. Eventually, this became a losing battle. I ended up getting drunk and crying over my misery. When I began to let go and let God take over my life I began to have peace of mind. Today, I am free. I do not have to fight anybody or anything anymore. JUNE 23 TRUSTING OTHERS But does trust require that we be blind to other people's motives or, indeed, to our own? Not at all; this would be folly. Most certainly, we should assess the capacity for harm as well as the capability for good in every person that we would trust. Such a private inventory can reveal the degree of confidence we should extend in any given situation. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 144 I am not a victim of others, but rather a victim of my expectations, choices and dishonesty. When I expect others to be what I want them to be and not who they are, when they fail to meet my expectations, I am hurt. When my choices are based on self-centeredness, I find I am lonely and distrustful. I gain confidence in myself, however, when I practice honesty in all my affairs. When I search my motives and am honest and trusting, I am aware of the capacity for harm in situations and can avoid those that are harmful. JUNE 24 A SPIRITUAL KINDERGARTEN We are only operating a spiritual kindergarten in which people are enabled to get over drinking and find the grace to go on living to better effect AS BILL SEES IT, p. 95 When I came to A.A., I was run down by the bottle and wanted to lose the obsession to drink, but I didn't really know how to do that. I decided to stick around long enough to find out from the ones who went before me. All of a sudden I was thinking about God! I was told to get a Higher Power and I had no idea what one looked like. I found out there are many Higher Powers. I was told to find God, as I understand Him, that there was no doctrine of the Godhead in A.A. I found what worked for me and then asked that Power to restore me to sanity. The obsession to drink was removed andone day at a timemy life went on, and I learned how to five sober. JUNE 25 A TWO-WAY STREET If we ask, God will certainly forgive our derelictions. But in no case does He render us white as snow and keep us that way without our cooperation. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 65 When I prayed, I used to omit a lot of things for which I needed to be forgiven. I thought that if I didn't mention these things to God, He would never know about them. I did not know that if I had just forgiven myself for some of my past deeds, God would forgive me also. I was always taught to prepare for the journey through life, never realizing until I came to A.A.when I honestly became willing to be taught forgiveness and forgivingthat life itself is the journey. The journey of life is a very happy one, as long as I am willing to accept change and responsibility. JUNE 26 A GIFT THAT GROWS WITH TIME For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 151 The longer I chased these elusive feelings with alcohol, the more out of reach they were. However, by applying this passage to my sobriety, I found that it described the magnificent new life made available to me by the A.A. program. \"It\" truly does \"get better\" one day at a time. The warmth, the love and the joy so simply expressed in these words grow in breadth and depth each time I read it. Sobriety is a gift that grows with time. JUNE 27 CONFORMING TO THE A.A. WAY We obey A.A. 's Steps and Traditions because we really want them for ourselves. It is no longer a question of good or evil; we conform because we genuinely want to conform Such is our process of growth in unity and function. Such is the evidence of God's grace and love among us. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 106 It is fun to watch myself grow in A.A. I fought conformity to A.A. principles from the moment I entered, but I learned from the pain of my belligerence that, in choosing to live the A. A. way of life, I opened myself to God's grace and love. Then I began to know the full meaning of being a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. JUNE 28 THE DETERMINATION OF OUR FOUNDERS A year and six months later these three had succeeded with seven more. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 159 If it had not been for the fierce determination of our founders, A.A. would have quickly faded like so many other so-called good causes. I look at the hundreds of meetings weekly in the city where I five and I know A.A. is available twenty-four hours a day. If I had had to hang on with nothing but hope and a desire not to drink, experiencing rejection wherever I went, I would have sought the easier, softer way and returned to my previous way of life. JUNE 29 A RIPPLING EFFECT Having learned to live so happily, we'd show everyone else how. . . . Yes, we of A.A. did dream those dreams. How natural that was, since most alcoholics are bankrupt idealists. . . . So why shouldn't we share our way of life with everyone? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 156 The great discovery of sobriety led me to feel the need to spread the \"good news\" to the world around me. The grandiose thoughts of my drinking days returned. Later, I learned that concentrating on my own recovery was a full-time process. As I became a sober citizen in this world, I observed a rippling effect which, without any conscious effort on my part, reached any \"related facility or outside enterprise,\" without diverting me from my primary purpose of staying sober and helping other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. JUNE 30 SACRIFICE = UNITY = SURVIVAL The unity, the effectiveness, and even the survival of A.A. will always depend u pon our continued willingness to give up some of our personal ambitions and desires for the common safety and welfare. Just as sacrifice means survival for the individual alcoholic, so does sacrifice mean unity and survival for the group and for A.A. 's entire Fellowship. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 220 I have learned that I must sacrifice some of my personality traits for the good of A.A. and, as a result, I have been rewarded with many gifts. False pride can be inflated through prestige but, by living Tradition Six, I receive the gift of humility instead. Cooperation without affiliation is often deceiving. If I remain unrelated to outside interests, I am free to keep A.A. autonomous. Then the Fellowship will be here, healthy and strong for generations to come. JULY 1 THE BEST FOR TODAY The principles we have set down are guides to progress ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 60 Just as a sculptor will use different tools to achieve desired effects in creating a work of art, in Alcoholics Anonymous the Twelve Steps are used to bring about results in my own life. I do not overwhelm myself with life's problems, and how much more work needs to be done. I let myself be comforted in knowing that my life is now in the hands of my Higher Power, a master craftsman who is shaping each part of my life into a unique work of art. By working my program I can be satisfied, knowing that \"in doing the best that we can for today, we are doing all that God asks of us.\" JULY 2 THE HEART OF TRUE SOBRIETY We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty and open-mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 570 Am I honest enough to accept myself as I am and let this be the \"me\" that I let others see? Do I have the willingness to go to any length, to do whatever is necessary to stay sober? Do I have the open-mindedness to hear what I have to hear, to think what I have to think, and to feel what I have to feel? If my answer to these questions is \"Yes,\" I know enough about the spirituality of the program to stay sober. As I continue to work the Twelve Steps, I move on to the heart of true sobriety: serenity with myself, with others, and with God as I understand Him. JULY 3 EXPERIENCE: THE BEST TEACHER Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 87 Some say that experience is the best teacher, but I believe that experience is the only teacher. I have been able to learn of God's love for me only by the experience of my dependence on that love. At first I could not be sure of His direction in my life, but now I see that if I am to be bold enough to ask for His guidance, I must act as if He has provided it. I frequently ask God to help me remember that He has a path for me. JULY 4 A NATURAL FAITH . . . deep down in every man, woman and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. F or faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 55 I have seen the workings of the unseen God in A.A. rooms around the country. Miracles of recovery are everywhere in evidence. I now believe that God is in these rooms and in my heart. Today faith is as natural to me, a former agnostic, as breathing, eating and sleeping. The Twelve Steps have helped to change my life in many ways, but none is more effective than the acquisition of a Higher Power. JULY 5 A NEW DIRECTION Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly. . . . Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all our activities. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 45, 85 I hear talk of the \"weak-willed\" alcoholic, but I am one of the strongest-willed people on earth! I now know that my incredible strength of will is not enough to save my life. My problem is not one of \"weakness,\" but rather of direction. When I, without falsely diminishing myself, accept my honest limitations and turn to God's guidance, my worst faults become my greatest assets. My strong will, rightly directed, keeps me working until the promises of the program become my daily reality. JULY 6 IDENTIFYING FEAR . . . The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear. . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 76 When I feel uncomfortable, irritated, or depressed, I look for fear. This \"evil and corroding thread\" is the root of my distress: Fear of failure; fear of others' opinions; fear of harm, and many other fears. I have found a Higher Power who does not want me to live in fear and, as a result, the experience of A.A. in my life is freedom and joy. I am no longer willing to live with the multitude of character de-fects that characterized my life while I was drinking. Step Seven is my vehicle to freedom from these defects. I pray for help in identifying the fear underneath the defect, and then I ask God to relieve me of that fear. This method works for me without fail and is one of the great miracles of my life in Alcoholics Anonymous. JULY 7 . . . AND LETTING GO OF IT . . . primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration. Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands The difference between a demand and a simple request is plain to anyone. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 76 Peace is possible for me only when I let go of expectations. When I'm trapped in thoughts about what I want and what should be coming to me, I'm in a state of fear or anxious anticipation and this is not conducive to emotional sobriety. I must surrender over and overto the reality of my dependence on God, for then I find peace, gratitude and spiritual security. JULY 8 AN EVER-GROWING FREEDOM The Seventh Step is where we make the change in our attitude which permits us, with humility as our guide, to move out from ourselves toward others and toward God. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 76 When I finally asked God to remove those things blocking me from Him and the sunlight of the Spirit, I embarked on a journey more glorious than I ever imagined. I experienced a freedom from those characteristics that had me wrapped up in myself. Because of this humbling Step, I feel clean. I am especially aware of this Step because I'm now able to be useful to God and to my fellows. I know that He has granted me strength to do His bidding and has prepared me for anyone, and anything, that comes my way today. I am truly in His hands, and I give thanks for the joy that I can be useful today. JULY 9 I AM AN INSTRUMENT Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 70 The subject of humility is a difficult one. Humility is not thinking less of myself than I ought to; it is acknowledging that I do certain things well, it is accepting a compliment graciously. God can only do for me what He can do through me. Humility is the result of knowing that God is the doer, not me. In the light of this awareness, how can I take pride in my accomplishments? I am an instrument and any work I seem to be doing is being done by God through me. I ask God on a daily basis to remove my shortcomings, in order that I may more freely go about my A.A. business of \"love and service.\" JULY 10 TOWARD PEACE AND SERENITY . . . when we have taken a square look at some of these defects, have discussed them with another, and have become willing to have them removed, our thinking about humility commences to have a wider meaning. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 74 When situations arise which destroy my serenity, pain often motivates me to ask God for clarity in seeing my part in the situation. Admitting my powerlessness, I humbly pray for acceptance. I try to see how my character defects contributed to the situation. Could I have been more patient? Was I intolerant? Did I insist on having my own way? Was I afraid? As my defects are revealed, I put self-reliance aside and humbly ask God to remove my shortcomings. The situation may not change, but as I practice exercising humility, I enjoy the peace and serenity which are the natural benefits of placing my reliance in a power greater than myself. JULY 11 A TURNING POINT A great turning point in our lives came when we sought for humility as something we really wanted, rather than as something we must have. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 75 Either the A.A. way of life becomes one of joy or I return to the darkness and despair of alcoholism. Joy comes to me when my attitude concerning God and humility turns to one of desire rather than of burden. The darkness in my life changes to radiant light when I arrive at the realization that being truthful and honest in dealing with my inventory results in my life being filled with serenity, freedom, and joy. Trust in my Higher Power deepens, and the flush of gratitude spreads through my being. I am convinced that being humble is being truthful and honest in dealing with myself and God. It is then that humility is something I \"really want,\" rather than being \"something I must have.\" JULY 12 GIVING UP CENTER STAGE For without some degree of humility, no alcoholic can stay sober at all . . . Without it, they cannot live to much useful purpose, or, in adversity, be able to summon the faith that can meet any emergency. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 70 Why do I balk at the word \"humility?\" I am not humbling myself toward other people, but toward God, as I understand Him. Hu mility means \"to show submissive respect,\" and by being humble I realize I am not the center of the universe. When I was drinking, I was consumed by pride and self-centeredness. I felt the entire world revolved around me, that I was master of my destiny. Humility enables me to depend more on God to help me overcome obstacles, to help me with my own imperfections, so that I may grow spiritually. I must solve more difficult problems to increase my proficiency and, as I encounter life's stumbling blocks, I must learn to overcome them through God's help. Daily communion with God demonstrates my humility and provides me with the realization that an entity more powerful than I is willing to help me if I cease trying to play God myself. JULY 13 HUMILITY IS A GIFT As long as we placed self-reliance first, a genuine reliance upon a Higher Power was out of the question. That basic ingredient of all humility, a desire to seek and do God's will, was missing. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 72 When I first came to A.A., I wanted to find some of the elusive quality called humility. I didn't realize I was looking for humility because I thought it would help me get what I wanted, and that I would do anything for others if I thought God would somehow reward me for it. I try to remember now that the people I meet in the course of my day are as close to God as I am ever going to get while on this earth. I need to pray for knowledge of God's will today, and see how my experience with hope and pain can help other people; if I can do that, I don't need to search for humility, it has found me. JULY 14 A NOURISHING INGREDIENT Where humility had formerly stood for a forced feeding on humble pie, it now begins to mean the nourishing ingredient which can give us serenity. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 74 How often do I focus on my problems and frustrations? When I am having a \"good day\" these same problems shrink in importance and my preoccupation with them dwindles. Wouldn't it be better if I could find a key to unlock the \"magic\" of my \"good days\" for use on the woes of my \"bad days?\" I already have the solution! Instead of trying to run away from my pain and wish my problems away, I can pray for humility! Humility will heal the pain. Humility will take me out of myself. Humility, that strength granted to me by that \"power greater than myself,\" is mine for the asking! Humil-ity will bring balance back into my life. Humility will allow me to accept my humanness joyously. JULY 15 PRIDE For thousands of years we have been demanding more than our share of security, prestige, and romance. When we seemed to be succeeding, we drank to dream still greater dreams. When we were frustrated, even in part, we drank for oblivion. Never was there enough of what we thought we wanted. In all these strivings, so many of them well-intentioned, our crippling handicap had been our lack of humility. W e had lacked the perspective to see that character-building and spiritual values had to come first, and that material satisfactions were not the purpose of living. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 71 Time and again I approached the Seventh Step, only to fall back and regroup. Something was missing and the impact of the Step escaped me. What had I overlooked? A single word: read but ignored, the foundation of all the Steps, indeed the entire Alcoholics Anonymous programthat word is \"humbly.\" I understood my shortcomings: I constantly put tasks off; I angered easily; I felt too much self-pity; and I thought, why me? Then I remembered, \"Pride goeth before the fall,\" and I eliminated pride from my life. JULY 16 \"A MEASURE OF HUMILITY\" In every case, pain had been the price of admission into a new life. But this admission price had purchased more than we expected It brought a measure of humility, which we soon discovered to be a healer of pain. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 75 It was painful to give up trying to control my life, even though success eluded me, and when life got too rough, I drank to escape. Accepting life on life's terms will be mastered through the humility I experience when I turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him. With my life in God's care, fear, uncertainty, and anger are no longer my response to those portions of life that I would rather not have happen to me. The pain of living through these times will be healed by the knowledge that I have received the spiritual strength to survive. JULY 17 SURRENDER AND SELF-EXAMINATION My stability came out of trying to give, not out of demanding that I receive. Thus I think it can work out with emotional sobriety. If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root of it some unhealthy dependency and its consequent unhealthy demand. Let us, with God's help, continually surrender these hobbling demands. Then we can be set free to live and love; we may then be able to Twelfth Step ourselves and others into emotional sobriety. THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 238 Years of dependency on alcohol as a chemical moodchanger deprived me of the capability to interact emotionally with my fellows. I thought I had to be self-sufficient, self-reliant, and self-motivated in a world of unreliable people. Finally I lost my self-respect and was left with dependency, lacking any ability to trust myself or to believe in anything. Surrender and self-examination while sharing with newcomers helped me to ask humbly for help. JULY 18 GRATEFUL FOR WHAT I HAVE During this process of learning more about humility, the most profound result of all was the change in our attitude toward God. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 75 Today my prayers consist mostly of saying thank you to my Higher Power for my sobriety and for the wonder of God's abundance, but I need to ask also for help and the power to carry out His will for me. I no longer need God each minute to rescue me from the situations I get myself into by not doing His will. Now my gratitude seems to be directly linked to humility. As long as I have the humility to be grateful for what I have, God continues to provide for me. JULY 19 FALSE PRIDE Many of us who had thought ourselves religious awoke to the limitations of this attitude. Refusing to place God first, we had deprived ourselves of His help. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 75 Many false notions operate in false pride. The need for direction to live a decent life is satisfied by the hope experienced in the A.A. Fellowship. Those who have walked the way for yearsa day at a timesay that a God-centered life has limitless possibilities for personal growth. This being so, much hope is transmitted by the elder A.A.s. I thank my Higher Power for letting me know that He works through other people, and I thank Him for our trusted servants in the Fellowship who aid new members to reject their false ideals and to adopt those which lead to a life of compassion and trust. The elders in A.A. challenge the newcomers to \"Come To\"so that they can \"Come to Believe.\" I ask my Higher Power to help my unbelief. JULY 20 SHORTCOMINGS REMOVED But now the words \"Of myself I am nothing, the Father doeth the works\" began to carry bright promise and meaning. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 75 When I put the Seventh Step into action I must remember that there are no blanks to fill in. It doesn't say, \"Humbly asked Him to (fill in the blank) remove our shortcomings.\" For years, I filled in the imaginary blank with \"Help me!\" \"Give me the courage to,\" and \"Give me the strength,\" etc. The Step says simply that God will remove my shortcomings. The only footwork I must do is \"humbly ask,\" which for me means asking with the knowledge that of myself I am nothing, the Father within \"doeth the works.\" JULY 21 A PRICELESS GIFT By this time in all probability we have gained some measure of release from our more devastating handicaps. W e enjoy moments in which there is something like real peace of mind. To those of us who have hitherto known only excitement, depression, or anxietyin other words, to all of usthis newfound peace is a priceless gift. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 74 I am learning to let go and let God, to have a mind that is open and a heart that is willing to receive God's grace in all my affairs; in this way I can experience the peace and freedom that come as a result of surrender. It has been proven that an act of surrender, originating in desperation and defeat, can grow into an ongoing act of faith, and that faith means freedom and victory. JULY 22 \"THE GOOD AND THE BAD\" \"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad.\" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76 The joy of life is in the giving. Being freed of my shortcomings, that I may more freely be of service, allows humility to grow in me. My shortcomings can be humbly placed in God's loving care and be removed. The essence of Step Seven is humility, and what better way to seek humility than by giving all of myselfgood and badto God, so that He may remove the bad and return to me the good. JULY 23 I ASK GOD TO DECIDE \"I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows \" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76 Having admitted my powerlessness and made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him, I don't decide which defects get removed, or the order in which defects get removed, or the time frame in which they get removed. I ask God to decide which defects stand in the way of my usefulness to Him and to others, and then I humbly ask Him to remove them. JULY 24 HELPING OTHERS Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 20 Self-centeredness was my problem. All my life people had been doing things for me and I not only expected it, but I was ungrateful and resentful they didn't do more. Why should I help others, when they were supposed to help me? If others had troubles, didn't they deserve them? I was filled with self-pity, anger and resentment. Then I learned that by helping others, with no thought of return, I could overcome this obsession with selfishness, and if I understood humility, I would know peace and serenity. No longer do I need to drink. JULY 25 THOSE WHO STILL SUFFER For us, if we neglect those who are still sick, there is unremitting danger to our own lives and sanity. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 151 I know the torment of drinking compulsively to quiet my nerves and my fears. I also know the pain of whiteknuckled sobriety. Today, I do not forget the unknown person who suffers quietly, withdrawn and hiding in the desperate relief of drinking. I ask my Higher Power to give me His guidance and the courage to be willing to be His instrument to carry within me compassion and unselfish actions. Let the group continue to give me the strength to do with others what I cannot do alone. JULY 26 THE \"WORTH\" OF SOBRIETY Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 160 When I go shopping I look at the prices and if I need what I see, I buy it and pay. Now that I am supposed to be in rehabilitation, I have to straighten out my life. When I go to a meeting, I take a coffee with sugar and milk, sometimes more than one. But at the collection time, I am either too busy to take money out of my purse, or I do not have enough, but I am there because I need this meeting. I heard someone suggest dropping the price of a beer into the basket, and I thought, that's too much! I almost never give one dollar. Like many others, I rely on the more generous members to finance the Fellowship. I forget that it takes money to rent the meeting room, buy my milk, sugar and cups. I will pay, without hesitation, ninety cents for a cup of coffee at a restaurant after the meeting; I always have money for that. So, how much is my sobriety and my inner peace worth? JULY 27 GIVING FREELY W e will make every pers onal sacrifice necessary to insure the unity of Alcoholics Anonymous. W e will do this because we have learned to love God and one another. A.A. COMES OF AGE , p. 234 To be self-supporting through my own contributions was never a strong characteristic during my days as a practicing alcoholic. The giving of time or money always demanded a price tag. As a newcomer I was told \"we have to give it away in order to keep it.\" As I began to adopt the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous in my life, I soon found it was a privilege to give to the Fellowship as an expression of the gratitude I felt in my heart. My love of God and of others became the motivating factor in my life, with no thought of return. I realize now that giving freely is God's way of expressing Himself through me. JULY 28 THOSE WHO STILL SUFFER Let us resist the proud assumption that since God has enabled us to do well in one area we are destined to be a channel of saving grace for everybody. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 232 A.A. groups exist to help alcoholics achieve sobriety. Large or small, firmly established or brand-new, speaker, discussion or study, each group has but one reason for being: to carry the message to the still-suffering alcoholic. The group exists so that the alcoholic can find a new way of life, a life abundant in happiness, joy, and freedom. To recover, most alcoholics need the support of a group of other alcoholics who share their experience, strength and hope. Thus my sobriety, and our program's survival, depend on my determination to put first things first. JULY 29 ANONYMOUS GIFTS OF KINDNESS As active alcoholics we were always looking for a handout in one way or another. \"THE TWELVE TRADITIONS ILLUSTRATED,\" p. 14 The challenge of the Seventh Tradition is a personal challenge, reminding me to share and give of myself. Before sobriety the only thing I ever supported was my habit of drinking. Now my efforts are a smile, a kind word, and kindness. I saw that I had to start carrying my own weight and to allow my new friends to walk with me because, through the practice of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, I've never had it so good. JULY 30 GIVING BACK . . . he has struck something better than gold. . . . He may not see at once that he has barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life and insists on giving away the entire product. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 129 My part of the Seventh Tradition means so much more than just giving money to pay for the coffee. It means being accepted for myself by belonging to a group. For the first time I can be responsible, because I have a choice. I can learn the principles of working out problems in my daily life by getting involved in the \"business\" of A.A. By being self-supporting, I can give back to A.A. what A.A. gave to me! Giving back to A.A. not only ensures my own sobriety, but allows me to buy insurance that A.A. will be here for my grandchildren. JULY 31 A PRAYER FOR ALL SEASONS God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, Courage to change the things we can. And wisdom to know the difference. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 125 The power of this prayer is overwhelming in that its simple beauty parallels the A.A. Fellowship. There are times when I get stuck while reciting it, but if I examine the section which is troubling me, I find the answer to my problem. The first time this happened I was scared, but now I use it as a valuable tool. By accepting life as it is, I gain serenity. By taking action, I gain courage and I thank God for the ability to distinguish between those situations I can work on, and those I must turn over. All that I have now is a gift from God: my life, my usefulness, my contentment, and this program. The serenity enables me to continue walking forward. Alcoholics Anonymous is the easier, softer way.  AUGUST 1 LIVING IT The spiritual life is not a theory. W e have to live it. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83 When new in the program, I couldn't comprehend living the spiritual aspect of the program, but now that I'm sober, I can't comprehend living without it. Spirituality was what I had been seeking. God, as I understand Him, has given me answers to the whys that kept me drinking for twenty years. By living a spiritual life, by asking God for help, I have learned to love, care for and feel compassion for all my fellow men, and to feel joy in a world where, before, I felt only fear. AUGUST 2 WE BECOME WILLING . . . At the moment we are trying to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in itself. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 77 How easily I can become misdirected in approaching the Eighth Step! I wish to be free, somehow transformed by my Sixth and Seventh Step work. Now, more than ever, I am vulnerable to my own self-interest and hidden agenda. I am careful to remember that self-satisfaction, which sometimes comes through the spoken forgiveness of those I have harmed, is not my true objective. I become willing to make amends, knowing that through this process I am mended and made fit to move forward, to know and desire God's will for me. AUGUST 3 ... T O B E O F S E R V I C E Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 77 It is clear that God's plan for me is expressed through love. God loved me enough to take me from alleys and jails so that I could be made a useful participant in His world. My response is to love all of His children through service and by example. I ask God to help me imitate His love for me through my love for others. AUGUST 4 SEEDS OF FAITH Faith, to be sure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing. We can have faith, yet keep God out of our lives. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 34 As a child I constantly questioned the existence of God. To a \"scientific thinker\" like me, no answer could withstand a thorough dissection, until a very patient woman finally said to me, \"You must have faith.\" With that simple statement, the seeds of my recovery were sown! Today, as I practice my recoverycutting back the weeds of alcoholismslowly I am letting those early seeds of faith grow and bloom. Each day of recovery, of ardent gardening, brings the Higher Power of my understanding more fully into my life. My God has always been with me through faith, but it is my responsibility to have the willingness to accept His presence. I ask God to grant me the willingness to do His will. AUGUST 5 LISTENING DEEPLY How persistently we claim the right to decide all by ourselves just what we shall think and just how we shall act TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 37 If I accept and act upon the advice of those who have made the program work for themselves, I have a chance to outgrow the limits of the past. Some problems will shrink to nothingness, while others may require patient, well-thought-out action. Listening deeply when others share can develop intuition in handling problems which arise unexpectedly. It is usually best for me to avoid impetuous action. Attending a meeting or calling a fellow A.A. member will usually reduce tension enough to bring relief to a desperate sufferer like me. Sharing problems at meetings with other alcoholics to whom I relate, or privately with my sponsor, can change aspects of the positions in which I find myself. Character defects are identified and I begin to see how they work against me. When I put my faith in the spiritual power of the program, when I trust others to teach me what I need to do to have a better life, I find that I can trust myself to do what is necessary. AUGUST 6 DRIVEN Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, selfseeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62 My selfishness was the driving force behind my drinking. I drank to celebrate success and I drank to drown my sorrows. Humility is the answer. I learn to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. My sponsor tells me that service keeps me sober. Today I ask myself: Have I sought knowledge of God's will for me? Have I done service for my A.A. group? AUGUST 7 A \"DESIGN FOR LIVING\" W e in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, \"a design for living\" that really works. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 28 I try each day to raise my heart and hands in thanks to God for showing me a \"design for living\" that really works through our beautiful Fellowship. But what, exactly, is this \"design for living\" that \"really works\"? For me, it is the practice of the Twelve Steps to the best of my ability, the continued awareness of a God who loves me uncondition-ally, and the hope that, in each new day, there is a purpose for my being. I am truly, truly blessed in the Fellowship. AUGUST 8 \"MADE A LIST . . .\" Made a list of all persons we had harmed, . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77 When I approached the Eighth Step, I wondered how I could list all the things that I have done to other people since there were so many people, and some of them weren't alive anymore. Some of the hurts I inflicted weren't bad, but they really bothered me. The main thing to see in this Step was to become willing to do whatever I had to do to make these amends to the best of my ability at that par-ticular time. Where there is a will, there's a way, so if I want to feel better, I need to unload the guilt feelings I have. A peaceful mind has no room for feelings of guilt. With the help of my Higher Power, if I am honest with myself, I can cleanse my mind of these feelings. AUGUST 9 \". . . OF ALL PERSONS WE HAD HARMED\" . . . and became willing to make amends to them all. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77 One of the key words in the Eighth Step is the word all. I am not free to select a few names for the list and to disregard others. It is a list of all persons I have harmed. I can see immediately that this Step entails forgiveness because if I'm not willing to forgive someone, there is little chance I will place his name on the list. Before I placed the first name on my list, I said a little prayer: \"I forgive anyone and everyone who has ever harmed me at any time and under any circumstances.\" It is well for me to contemplate a small, but very significant, two-letter word every time the Lord's Prayer is said. The word is as. I ask, \"Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.\" In this case, as means, \"in the same manner.\" I am asking to be forgiven in the same manner that I forgive others. As I say this portion of the prayer, if I am harboring hatred or resentment, I am inviting more resentment, when I should be calling on the spirit of forgiveness. AUGUST 10 REDOUBLING OUR EFFORTS To a degree, he has already done this when taking moral inventory, but now the time has come when he ought to redouble his efforts to see how many people he has hurt, and in what ways. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77 As I continue to grow in sobriety, I become more aware of myself as a person of worth. In the process, I am better able to see others as persons, and with this comes the realization that these were people whom I had hurt in my drinking days. I didn't just lie, I lied about Tom. I didn't just cheat, I cheated Joe. What were seemingly impersonal acts, were really personal affronts, because it was people people of worthwhom I had harmed. I need to do something about the people I have hurt so that I may enjoy a peaceful sobriety. AUGUST 11 REMOVING \"THE GROUND GLASS\" The moral inventory is a cool examination of the damages that occurred to us during life and a sincere effort to look at them in a true perspective. This has the effect of taking the ground glass out of us, the emotional substance that still cuts and inhibits. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 140 My Eighth Step list used to drag me into a whirlpool of resentment. After four years of sobriety, I was blocked by denial connected with an ongoing abusive relationship. The argument between fear and pride eased as the words of the Step moved from my head to my heart. For the first time in years I opened my box of paints and poured out an honest rage, an explosion of reds and blacks and yellows. As I looked at the drawing, tears of joy and relief flowed down my cheeks. In my disease, I had given up my art, a self-inflicted punishment far greater than any imposed from outside. In my recovery, I learned that the pain of my defects is the very substance God uses to cleanse my character and to set me free. AUGUST 12 A LOOK BACKWARD First, we take a look backward and try to discover where we have been at fault; next we make a vigorous attempt to repair the damage we have done; . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77 As a traveler on a fresh and exciting A.A. journey of recovery, I experienced a newfound peace of mind and the horizon appeared clear and bright, rather than obscure and dim. Reviewing my life to discover where I had been at fault seemed to be such an arduous and dangerous task. It was painful to pause and look backward. I was afraid I might stumble! Couldn't I put the past out of my mind and just live in my new golden present? I realized that those in the past whom I had harmed stood between me and my desire to continue my movement toward serenity. I had to ask for courage to face those persons from my life who still lived in my conscience, to recognize and deal with the guilt that their presence produced in me. I had to look at the damage I had done, and become willing to make amends. Only then could my journey of the spirit resume. AUGUST 13 A CLEAN SWEEP . . . and third, having thus cleaned away the debris of the past, we consider how, with our newfound knowledge of ourselves, we may develop the best possible relations with every human being we know. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77 As I faced the Eighth Step, everything that was required for successful completion of the previous seven Steps came together: courage, honesty, sincerity, willingness and thoroughness. I could not muster the strength required for this task at the beginning, which is why this Step reads \"Became willing. . . .\" I needed to develop the courage to begin, the honesty to see where I was wrong, a sincere desire to set things right, thoroughness in making a list, and willingness to take the risks required for true humility. With the help of my Higher Power in developing these virtues, I completed this Step and continued to move forward in my quest for spiritual growth. AUGUST 14 REPAIRING THE DAMAGE We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76 Making a list of people I had harmed was not a particularly difficult thing to do. They had showed up in my Fourth Step inventory: people towards whom I had resentments, real or imagined, and whom I had hurt by acts of retaliation. For my recovery to be thorough, I believed it was not important for those who had legitimately harmed me to make amends to me. What is important in my relationship with God is that I stand before Him, knowing I have done what I can to repair the damage I have done. AUGUST 15 DIDN'T WE HURT ANYBODY? Some of us, though, tripped over a very different snag. W e clung to the claim that when drinking we never hurt anybody but ourselves. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 79 This Step seemed so simple. I identified several people whom I had harmed, but they were no longer available. Still, I was uneasy about the Step and avoided conversations dealing with it. In time I learned to investigate those Steps and areas of my life which made me uncomfortable. My search revealed my parents, who had been deeply hurt by my isolation from them; my employer, who worried about my absences, my memory lapses, my temper; and the friends I had shunned, without explanation. As I faced the reality of the harm I had done, Step Eight took on new meaning. I am no longer uncomfortable and I feel clean and light. AUGUST 16 \"I HAD DROPPED OUT\" We might next ask ourselves what we mean when we say that we have \"harmed\" other people. What kinds of \"harm\" do people do one another, anyway? To define the word \"harm\" in a practical way, we might call it the result of instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual damage to people. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 80 I had been to Eighth Step meetings, always thinking, \"I really haven't harmed many people, mostly myself.\" But the time came when I wrote my list out and it was not as short as I thought it would be. I either liked you, disliked you, or needed something from youit was that simple. People hadn't done what I wanted them to do and intimate rela-tionships were out of hand because of my partners' unreasonable demands. Were these \"sins of omission\"? Because of my drinking, I had \"dropped out\"never sending cards, returning calls, being there for other people, or taking part in their lives. What a grace it has been to look at these relationships, to make my inventories in quiet, alone with the God of my understanding, and to go forth daily, with a willingness to be honest and forthright in my relationships. AUGUST 17 RIGHTING THE HARM In many instances we shall find that though the harm done others has not been great, the emotional harm we have done ourselves has. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 79 Have you ever thought that the harm you did a business associate, or perhaps a family member, was so slight that it really didn't deserve an apology because they probably wouldn't remember it anyway? If that person, and the wrong done to him, keeps coming to mind, time and again, causing an uneasy or perhaps guilty feeling, then I put that person's name at the top of my \"amends list,\" and become willing to make a sincere apology, knowing I will feel calm and relaxed about that person once this very important part of my recovery is accomplished. AUGUST 18 GETTING WELL Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emotional conflicts persist below the level of consciousness. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 79-80 Only through positive action can I remove the remains of guilt and shame brought on by alcohol. Throughout my misadventures when I drank, my friends would say, \"Why are you doing this? You're only hurting yourself.\" Little did I know how true were those words. Although I harmed others, some of my behavior caused grave wounds to my soul. Step Eight provides me with a way of forgiving my-self. I alleviate much of the hidden damage when I make my list of those I have hurt. In making amends, I free myself of burdens, thus contributing to my healing. AUGUST 19 A FRAME OF REFERENCE Referring to our list [inventory] again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 67 There is a wonderful freedom in not needing constant approval from colleagues at work or from the people I love. I wish I had known about this Step before, because once I developed a frame of reference, I felt able to do the next right thing, knowing that the action fit the situation and that it was the correct thing to do. AUGUST 20 TOWARD EMOTIONAL FREEDOM Since defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes, including our alcoholism, no field of investigation could yield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 80 Willingness is a peculiar thing for me in that, over a period of time, it seems to come, first with awareness, but then with a feeling of discomfort, making me want to take some action. As I reflected on taking the Eighth Step, my willingness to make amends to others came as a desire for forgiveness, of others and myself. I felt forgiveness toward others after I became aware of my part in the difficulties of relationships. I wanted to feel the peace and serenity described in the Promises. From working the first seven Steps, I became aware of whom I had harmed and that I had been my own worst enemy. In order to restore my relationships with my fellow human beings, I knew I would have to change. I wanted to learn to live in harmony with myself and others so that I could also live in emotional freedom. The beginning of the end to my isolation from my fellows and from Godcame when I wrote my Eighth Step list. AUGUST 21 WE JUST TRY My stability came out of trying to give, not out of demanding that I receive. THE BEST OF BILL, pp. 46-47 As long as I try, with all my heart and soul, to pass along to others what has been passed along to me, and do not demand anything in return, life is good to me. Before entering this program of Alcoholics Anonymous I was never able to give without demanding something in return. Little did I know that, once I began to give freely of myself, I would begin to receive, without ever expecting or demanding anything at all. What I receive today is the gift of \"stability,\" as Bill did: stability in my A.A. program; within myself; but most of all, in my relationship with my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God. AUGUST 22 SEEKING EMOTIONAL STABILITY When we developed still more, we discovered the best possible source of emotional stability to be God Himself. W e found that dependence upon His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy, and that it would work where nothing else would. If we really depended upon God, we couldn't very well play God to our fellows nor would we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 116 All my life I depended on people for my emotional needs and security, but today I cannot live that way anymore. By the grace of God, I have admitted my powerlessness over people, places and things. I had been a real \"people addict\"; wherever I went there had to be someone who would pay some kind of attention to me. It was the kind of attitude that could only get worse, because the more I depended on others and demanded attention, the less I received. I have given up believing that any human power can relieve me of that empty feeling. Although I remain a fragile human being who needs to work A.A.'s Steps to keep this particular principle before my personality, it is only a loving God who can give me inner peace and emotional stability. AUGUST 23 BRINGING THE MESSAGE HOME Can we bring the same spirit of love and tolerance into our sometimes deranged family lives that we bring to our A.A. group? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 111-12 My family members suffer from the effects of my disease. Loving and accepting them as they are just as I love and accept A.A. membersfosters a return of love, tolerance and harmony to my life. Using common courtesy and respecting others' personal boundaries are necessary practices for all areas of my life. AUGUST 24 A RIDDLE THAT WORKS It may be possible to find explanations of spiritual experiences such as ours, but I have often tried to explain my own and have succeeded only in giving the story of it. I know the feeling it gave me and the results it has brought, but I realize I may never fully understand its deeper why and how. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 313 I had a profound spiritual experience during an open A.A. meeting, which led me to blurt out, \"I'm an alcoholic!\" I have not had a drink since that day. I can tell you the words I heard just prior to my admission, and how those words affected me, but as to why it happened, I do not know. I believe a power greater than myself chose me to recover, yet I do not know why. I try not to worry or wonder about what I do not yet know; instead, I trust that if I continue to work the Steps, practice the A.A. principles in my life, and share my story, I will be guided lovingly toward a deep and mature spirituality in which more will be revealed to me. For the time being, it is a gift for me to trust God, work the Steps and help others. AUGUST 25 THE GIFT OF BONDING Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 63 Many times in my alcoholic state, I drank to establish a bond between myself and others, but I succeeded only in establishing the bondage of alcoholic loneliness. Through the A.A. way of life, I have received the gift of bondingwith those who were there before me, with those who are there now, and with those yet to come. For this gracious gift from God, I am forever grateful. AUGUST 26 GIVING IT AWAY Though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary. It was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves to others. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 159 Those words, for me, refer to a transference of power, through which God, as I understand Him, enters my life. Through prayer and meditation, I open channels, then I establish and improve my conscious contact with God. Through action I then receive the power I need to maintain my sobriety each day. By maintaining my spiritual condition, by giving away what has been so freely given to me, I am granted a daily reprieve. AUGUST 27 CENTERING OUR THOUGHTS When World W ar II broke out, our A. A. dependence on a Higher Power had its first major test. A.A.'s entered the services and were scattered all over the world. Would they be able to take the discipline, stand up under fire, and endure . . . ? AS BILL SEES IT, p. 200 I will center my thoughts on a Higher Power. I will surrender all to this power within me. I will become a soldier for this power, feeling the might of the spiritual army as it exists in my life today. I will allow a wave of spiritual union to connect me through my gratitude, obedience and discipline to this Higher Power. Let me allow this power to lead me through the orders of the day. May the steps I take today strengthen my words and deeds, may I know that the message I carry is mine to share, given freely by this power greater than myself. AUGUST 28 LIGHTENING THE BURDEN Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. . . . the dark past is . . . the key to life and happiness for others. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 124 Since I have been sober, I have been healed of many pains: deceiving my partner, deserting my best friend, and spoiling my mother's hopes for my life. In each case someone in the program told me of a similar problem, and I was able to share what happened to me. When my story was told, both of us got up with lighter hearts. AUGUST 29 I CHOOSE ANONYMITY We are sure that humility, expressed by anonymity, is the greatest safeguard that Alcoholics Anonymous can ever have. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 187 Since there are no rules in A.A. I place myself where I want to be, and so I choose anonymity. I want my God to use me, humbly, as one of His tools in this program. Sacrifice is the art of giving of myself freely, allowing humility to replace my ego. With sobriety, I suppress that urge to cry out to the world, \"I am a member of A.A.\" and I experience inner joy and peace. I let people see the changes in me and hope they will ask what happened to me. I place the principles of spirituality ahead of judging, fault-finding, and criticism. I want love and caring in my group, so I can grow. AUGUST 30 THE ONLY REQUIREMENT . . . \"At one time . . . every A. A. group had many membership rules. Everybody was scared witless that something or somebody would capsize the boat. . . . The total list was a mile long. If all those rules had been in effect everywhere, nobody could have possibly joined A.A. at all, ...\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 139-40 I'm grateful that the Third Tradition only requires of me a desire to stop drinking. I had been breaking promises for years. In the Fellowship I didn't have to make promises, I didn't have to concentrate. It only required my attending one meeting, in a foggy condition, to know I was home. I didn't have to pledge undying love. Here, strangers hugged me. \"It gets better,\" they said, and \"One day at a time, you can do it.\" They were no longer strangers, but caring friends. I ask God to help me to reach out to people desiring sobriety, and to, please, keep me grateful! AUGUST 31 A UNIQUE PROGRAM Alcoholics Anonymous will never have a professional class. We have gained some understanding of the ancient words \"Freely ye have received, freely give.\" W e have discovered that at the point of professionalism, money and spirituality do not mix. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 166 I believe that Alcoholics Anonymous stands alone in the treatment of alcoholism because it is based solely on the principle of one alcoholic sharing with another alcoholic. This is what makes the program unique. When I decided that I wanted to stay sober, I called a woman who I knew was a sober member of A.A., and she carried the message of Alcoholics Anonymous to me. She received no monetary compensation, but rather was paid by staying sober another day herself. Today I could ask for no payment other than another day free from alcohol, so in that respect, I am generously paid for my labor.  SEPTEMBER 1 WILLINGNESS TO GROW If more gifts are to be received, our awakening has to go on. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 8 Sobriety fills the painful \"hole in the soul\" that my alcoholism created. Often I feel so physically well that I believe my work is done. However, joy is not just the absence of pain; it is the gift of continued spiritual awakening. Joy comes from ongoing and active study, as well as application of the principles of recovery in my everyday life, and from sharing that experience with others. My Higher Power presents many opportunities for deeper spiritual awakening. I need only to bring into my recovery the willingness to grow. Today I am ready to grow. SEPTEMBER 2 FINDING \"A REASON TO BELIEVE\" The willi ngness to grow is the essence of all spiritual development. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 171 A line from a song goes, \". . . and I look to find a reason to believe . . .\" It reminds me that at one time I was not able to find a reason to believe that my life was all right. Even though my life had been saved by my coming to A.A., three months later I went out and drank again. Someone told me: \"You don't have to believe. Aren't you willing to believe that there is a reason for your life, even though you may not know yourself what that reason is, or that you may not sometimes know the right way to behave?\" When I saw how willing I was to believe there was a reason for my life, then I could start to work on the Steps. Now when I begin with, \"I am willing. . . ,\" I am using the key that leads to ac-tion, honesty, and an openness to a Higher Power moving through my life. SEPTEMBER 3 BUILDING A NEW LIFE We feel a man is unthinking when he says sobriety is enough. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 82 When I reflect on Step Nine, I see that physical sobriety must be enough for me. I need to remember the hopelessness I felt before I found sobriety, and how I was willing to go to any lengths for it. Physical sobriety is not enough for those around me, however, since I must see that God's gift is used to build a new life for my family and loved ones. Just as importantly, I must be available to help others who want the A.A. way of life. I ask God to help me share the gift of sobriety so that its benefits may be shown to those I know and love. SEPTEMBER 4 RECONSTRUCTION Ye s, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83 The reconstruction of my life is the prime goal in my recovery as I avoid taking that first drink, one day at a time. The task is most successfully accomplished by working the Steps of our Fellowship. The spiritual life is not a theory; it works, but I have to live it. Step Two started me on my journey to develop a spiritual life; Step Nine allows me to move into the final phase of the initial Steps which taught me how to live a spiritual life. Without the guidance and strength of a Higher Power, it would be impossible to proceed through the various stages of reconstruction. I realize that God works for me and through me. Proof comes to me when I realize that God did for me what I could not do for myself, by removing that gnawing compulsion to drink. I must continue daily to seek God's guidance. He grants me a daily reprieve and will provide the power I need for reconstruction. SEPTEMBER 5 EMOTIONAL BALANCE Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 83 When I survey my drinking days, I recall many people whom my life touched casually, but whose days I troubled through my anger and sarcasm. These people are untraceable, and direct amends to them are not possible. The only amends I can make to those untraceable individuals, the only \"changes for the better\" I can offer, are indirect amends made to other people, whose paths briefly cross mine. Courtesy and kindness, regularly practiced, help me to live in emotional balance, at peace with myself. SEPTEMBER 6 REMOVING THREATS TO SOBRIETY . . . except when to do so would injure them or others. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59 Step Nine restores in me a feeling of belonging, not only to the human race but also to the everyday world. First, the Step makes me leave the safety of A.A., so that I may deal with non-A.A. people \"out there,\" on their terms, not mine. It is a frightening but necessary action if I am to get back into life. Second, Step Nine allows me to remove threats to my sobriety by healing past relationships. Step Nine points the way to a more serene sobriety by letting me clear away past wreckage, lest it bring me down. SEPTEMBER 7 \"OUR SIDE OF THE STREET\" We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that nothing worth while can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell him what he should do. His faults are not discussed. W e stick to our own. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 77-78 I made amends to my dad soon after I quit drinking. My words fell on deaf ears since I had blamed him for my troubles. Several months later I made amends to my dad again. This time I wrote a letter in which I did not blame him nor mention his faults. It worked, and at last I understood! My side of the street is all that I'm responsible for and thanks to God and A.A.it's clean for today. SEPTEMBER 8 \"WE ASKED HIS PROTECTION\" We asked His protection and care with complete abandon. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59 I could not manage my life alone. I had tried that road and failed. My \"ultimate sin\" dragged me down to the lowest level I have ever reached and, unable even to function, I accepted the fact that I desperately needed help. I stopped fighting and surrendered entirely to God. Only then did I start growing! God forgave me. A Higher Power had to have saved me, because the doctors doubted that I would survive. I have forgiven myself now and I enjoy a freedom I have never before experienced. I've opened my heart and mind to Him. The more I learn, the less I knowa humbling factbut I sincerely want to keep growing. I enjoy serenity, but only when I entrust my life totally to God. As long as I am honest with myself and ask for His help, I can maintain this rewarding existence. Just for today, I strive to live His will for me soberly. I thank God that today I can choose not to drink. Today, life is beautiful! SEPTEMBER 9 OPENING NEW DOORS They [the Promises] are being fulfilled among us sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 The Promises talked about in this passage are slowly coming to life for me. What has given me hope is putting Step Nine into action. The Step has allowed me to see and set goals for myself in recovery. Old habits and behaviors die hard. Working Step Nine enables me to close the door on the drunk I was, and to open new avenues for myself as a sober alcoholic. Making direct amends is crucial for me. As I repair relationships and behavior of the past, I am better able to live a sober life! Although I have some years of sobriety, there are times when the \"old stuff\" from the past needs to be taken care of, and Step Nine always works, when I work it. SEPTEMBER 10 RECOVERY BY PROXY? They [the Promises] will always materialize if we work for them. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 Sometimes I think: \"Making these amends is going too far! No one should have to humble himself like that!\" However, it is this very humbling of myself that brings me that much closer to the sunlight of the spirit. A.A. is the only hope I have if I am to continue healing and gain a life of happiness, friendship and harmony. SEPTEMBER 11 MAKING AMENDS Above all, we should try to be absolutely sure that we are not delaying because we are afraid. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 87 To have courage, to be unafraid, are gifts of my recovery. They empower me to ask for help and to go forth in making my amends with a sense of dignity and humility. Making amends may require a certain amount of honesty that I feel I lack, yet with the help of God and the wisdom of others, I can reach within and find the strength to act. My amends may be accepted, or they may not, but after they are completed I can walk with a sense of freedom and know that, for today, I am responsible. SEPTEMBER 12 I AM RESPONSIBLE For the readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 87 In recovery, and through the help of Alcoholics Anonymous, I learn that the very thing I fear is my freedom. It comes from my tendency to recoil from taking responsibility for anything: I deny, I ignore, I blame, I avoid. Then one day, I look, I admit, I accept. The freedom, the healing and the recovery I experience is in the looking, admitting and accepting. I learn to say, \"Yes, I am responsible.\" When I can speak those words with honesty and sincerity, then I am free. SEPTEMBER 13 REPAIRING THE DAMAGE Good judgment, a careful sense of timing courage and prudencethese are the qualities we shall need when we take Step Nine. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 83 To make amends can be viewed two ways: first, that of repairing damage, for if I have damaged my neighbor's fence, I \"make a mend,\" and that is a direct amend; the second way is by modifying my behavior, for if my actions have harmed someone, I make a daily effort to cause no further harm. I \"mend my ways,\" and that is an indirect amend. Which is the best approach? The only right approach, provided that I am causing no further harm in so doing, is to do both. If harm is done, then I simply \"mend my ways.\" To take action in this manner assures me of making honest amends. SEPTEMBER 14 PEACE OF MIND Do we lay the matter before our sponsor or spiritual adviser, earnestly asking God's help and guidance meanwhile resolving to do the right thing when it becomes clear, cost what it may? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 86-87 My belief in a Higher Power is an essential part of my work on Step Nine; forgiveness, timing, and right motives are the other ingredients. My willingness to do the Step is a growing experience that opens the door for new and honest relationships with the people I have harmed. My responsible action brings me closer to the spiritual principles of the programlove and service. Peace of mind, serenity, and a stronger faith are sure to follow. SEPTEMBER 15 A NEW LIFE Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. . . . Life will mean something at last ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 152 Life is better without alcohol. A.A. and the presence of a Higher Power keeps me sober, but the grace of God does even better; it brings service into my life. Contact with the A.A. program teaches me a new and greater understanding of what Alcoholics Anonymous is and what it does, but most importantly, it helps to show me who I am: an alco-holic who needs the constant experience of the Alcoholics Anonymous program so that I may live a life given to me by my Higher Power. SEPTEMBER 16 WE STANDOR FALLTOGETHER . . . no society of men and women ever had a more urgent need for continuous effectiveness and permanent unity. W e alcoholics see that we must work together and hang together, else most of us will finally die alone. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 562 Just as the Twelve Steps of A.A. are written in a specific sequence for a reason, so it is with the Twelve Traditions. The First Step and the First Tradition attempt to instill in me enough humility to allow me a chance at survival. Together they are the basic foundation upon which the Steps and Traditions that follow are built. It is a process of ego deflation which allows me to grow as an individual through the Steps, and as a contributing member of a group through the Traditions. Full acceptance of the First Tradition allows me to set aside personal ambitions, fears and anger when they are in conflict with the common good, thus permitting me to work with others for our mutual survival. Without Tradition One I stand little chance of maintaining the unity required to work with others effectively, and I also stand to lose the remaining Traditions, the Fellowship, and my life. SEPTEMBER 17 FREEDOM FROM FEAR When, with God's help, we calmly accepted our lot, then we found we could live at peace with ourselves and show others who still suffered the same fears that they could get over them, too. W e found that freedom from fear was more important than freedom from want. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 122 Material values ruled my life for many years during my active alcoholism. I believed that all of my possessions would make me happy, yet I still felt bankrupt after I obtained them. When I first came into A.A., I found out about a new way of living. As a result of learning to trust others, I began to believe in a power greater than myself. Having faith freed me from the bondage of self. As material gains were replaced by the gifts of the spirit, my life became manageable. I then chose to share my experiences with other alcoholics. SEPTEMBER 18 LOVED BACK TO RECOVERY Our whole treasured philosophy of self-sufficiency had to be cast aside. This had not been done with old-fashioned willpower; it was instead a matter of developing the willingness to accept these new facts of living. W e neither ran nor fought. But accept we did And then we were free. BEST OF THE GRAPEVINE, Vol. I, p. 198 I can be free of my old enslaving self. After a while I recognize, and believe in, the good within myself. I see that I have been loved back to recovery by my Higher Power, who envelops me. My Higher Power becomes that source of love and strength that is performing a continuing miracle in me. I am sober . . . and I am grateful. SEPTEMBER 19 ACCEPTANCE W e admitted we couldn't lick alcohol with our own remaining resources, and so we accepted the further fact that dependence upon a Higher Power (if only our A.A group) could do this hitherto impossible job. The moment we were able to accept these facts fully, our release from the alcohol compulsion had begun. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 109 Freedom came to me only with my acceptance that I could turn my will and my life over to the care of my Higher Power, whom I call God. Serenity seeped into the chaos of my life when I accepted that what I was going through was life, and that God would help me through my difficultiesand much more, as well. Since then He has helped me through all of my difficulties! When I accept situations as they are, not as I wish them to be, then I can begin to grow and have serenity and peace of mind. SEPTEMBER 20 H.P. AS GUIDE See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164 Having a right relationship with God seemed to be an impossible order. My chaotic past had left me filled with guilt and remorse and I wondered how this \"God business\" could work. A.A. told me that I must turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him. With nowhere else to turn, I went down on my knees and cried, \"God, I can't do this. Please help me!\" It was when I admit-ted my powerlessness that a glimmer of light began to touch my soul, and then a willingness emerged to let God control my life. With Him as my guide, great events began to happen, and I found the beginning of sobriety. SEPTEMBER 21 THE LAST PROMISE W e will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 The last Promise in the Big Book came true for me on the very first day of sobriety. God kept me sober that day, and on every other day I allowed Him to operate in my life. He gives me the strength, courage and guidance to meet my responsibilities in life so that I am then able to reach out and help others stay sober and grow. He manifests within me, making me a channel of His word, thought and deed. He works with my inner self, while I produce in the outer world, for He will not do for me what I can do for myself. I must be willing to do His work, so that He can function through me successfully. SEPTEMBER 22 A \"LIMITLESS LODE\" Like a gaunt prospector, belt drawn in over the last ounce of food, our pick struck gold. Joy at our release from a lifetime of frustration knew no bounds. Father feels he has struck something better than gold. For a time he may try to hug the new treasure to himself. He may not see at once that he has barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life and insists on giving away the entire product. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 128-29 When I talk with a newcomer to A.A., my past looks me straight in the face. I see the pain in those hopeful eyes, I extend my hand, and then the miracle happens: / become healed. My problems vanish as I reach out to this trembling soul. SEPTEMBER 23 \"I WAS AN EXCEPTION\" He [Bill W.] said to me, gently and simply, \"Do you think that you are one of us?\" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 413 During my drinking life I was convinced I was an exception. I thought I was beyond petty requirements and had the right to be excused. I never realized that the dark counterbalance of my attitude was the constant feeling that I did not \"belong.\" At first, in A.A., I identified with others only as an alcoholic. What a wonderful awakening for me it has been to realize that, if human beings were doing the best they could, then so was I! All of the pains, confusions and joys they feel are not exceptional, but part of my life, just as much as anybody's. SEPTEMBER 24 VIGILANCE We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again: \"Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic\" Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever. If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 33 Today I am an alcoholic. Tomorrow will be no different. My alcoholism lives within me now and forever. I must never forget what I am. Alcohol will surely kill me if I fail to recognize and acknowledge my disease on a daily basis. I am not playing a game in which a loss is a temporary setback. I am dealing with my disease, for which there is no cure, only daily acceptance and vigilance. SEPTEMBER 25 FIRST THINGS FIRST Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no jobwife or no wifewe simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98 Before coming to A.A., I always had excuses for taking a drink: \"She said . . . ,\" \"He said \"I got fired yesterday,\" \"I got a great job today.\" No area of my life could be good if I drank again. In sobriety my life gets better each day. I must always remember not to drink, to trust God, and to stay active in A.A. Am I putting anything before my sobriety, God, and A.A. today? SEPTEMBER 26 OUR CHILDREN The alcoholic may find it hard to re-establish friendly relations with his children. . . . In time they will see that he is a new man and in their own way they w ill let him know it. . . . From that point on, progress will be rapid. Marvelous results often follow such a reunion. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 134 While on the road to recovery I received a gift that could not be purchased. It was a card from my son in college, saying, \"Dad, you can't imagine how glad I am that everything is okay. Happy Birthday, I love you.\" My son had told me that he loved me before. It had been during the previous Christmas holidays, when he had said to me, while crying, \"Dad, I love you! Can't you see what you're doing to yourself?\" I couldn't. Choked with emotion, I had cried, but this time, when I received my son's card, my tears were tears of joy, not desperation. SEPTEMBER 27 WITHOUT RESERVATION When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, . . . AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37 While practicing service to others, if my successes give rise to grandiosity, I must reflect on what brought me to this point. What has been given joyfully, with love, must be passed on without reservation and without expectation. For as I grow, I find that no matter how much I give with love, I receive much more in spirit. SEPTEMBER 28 LOVE WITHOUT STRINGS Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 89 Sponsorship held two surprises for me. First, that my sponsees cared about me. What I had thought was gratitude was more like love. They wanted me to be happy, to grow and remain sober. Knowing how they felt kept me from drinking more than once. Second, I discovered that I was able to love someone else responsibly, with respectful and genuine concern for that person's growth. Before that time, I had thought that my ability to care sincerely about another's well-being had atrophied from lack of use. To learn that I can love, without greed or anxiety, has been one of the deepest gifts the program has given me. Gratitude for that gift has kept me sober many times. SEPTEMBER 29 EXACTLY ALIKE Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 89 A man came to the meeting drunk, interrupted the speakers, stood up and took his shirt off, staggered loudly back and forth for coffee, demanded to talk, and eventually called the group's secretary an unquotable name and walked out. I was glad he was thereonce again I saw what I had been like. But I also saw what I still am, and what I still could be. I don't have to be drunk to want to be the exception and the center of attention. I have often felt abused and responded abusively when I was simply being treated as a garden variety human being. The more the man tried to insist he was different, the more I realized that he and I were exactly alike. SEPTEMBER 30 THE CIRCLE AND THE TRIANGLE The circle stands for the whole world of A.A., and the triangle stands for A.A.'s Three Legacies of Recovery, Unity, and Service. Within our wonderful new world, we have found freedom from our fatal obsession. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 139 Early in my A.A. life, I became employed in its services and I found the explanation of our society's logo to be very appropriate. First, a circle of love and service with a well-balanced triangle inside, the base of which represents our Recovery through the Twelve Steps. Then the other two sides, representing Unity and Service, respectively. The three sides of the triangle are equal. As I grew in A.A. I soon identified myself with this symbol. I am the circle, and the sides of the triangle represent three aspects of my personality: physical, emotional sanity, spirituality, the latter forming the symbol's base. Taken together, all three aspects of my personality translate into a sober and happy life. OCTOBER 1 LEST WE BECOME COMPLACENT It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. W e are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 When I am in pain it is easy to stay close to the friends I have found in the program. Relief from that pain is provided in the solutions contained in A.A.'s Twelve Steps. But when I am feeling good and things are going well, I can become complacent. To put it simply, I become lazy and turn into the problem instead of the solution. I need to get into action, to take stock: where am I and where am I going? A daily inventory will tell me what I must change to regain spiritual balance. Admitting what I find within myself, to God and to another human being, keeps me honest and humble. OCTOBER 2 \"THE ACID TEST\" As we work the first nine Steps, we prepare ourselves for the adventure of a new life. But when we approach Step Ten we commence to put our A.A. way of living to practical use, day by day, in fair weather or foul Then comes the acid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 88 I know the Promises are being fulfilled in my life, but I want to maintain and develop them by the daily application of Step Ten. I have learned through this Step that if I am disturbed, there is something wrong with me. The other person may be wrong too, but I can only deal with my feelings. When I am hurt or upset, I have to continually look for the cause in me, and then I have to admit and correct my mistakes. It isn't easy, but as long as I know I am progressing spiritually, I know that I can mark my effort up as a job well done. I have found that pain is a friend; it lets me know there is something wrong with my emotions, just as a physical pain lets me know there is something wrong with my body. When I take the appropriate action through the Twelve Steps, the pain gradually goes away. OCTOBER 3 SERENITY AFTER THE STORM Someone who knew what he was talking about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress. How heartily we A.A. 's can agree with him. . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 93-94 When on the roller coaster of emotional turmoil, I remember that growth is often painful. My evolution in the A.A. program has taught me that I must experience the inner change, however painful, that eventually guides me from selfishness to selflessness. If I am to have serenity, I must STEP my way past emotional turmoil and its subsequent hangover, and be grateful for continuing spiritual progress. OCTOBER 4 A NECESSARY PRUNING . . . we know that the pains of drinking had to come before sobriety, and emotional turmoil before serenity. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 94 I love spending time in my garden feeding and pruning my beautiful flowers. One day, as I was busily snipping away, a neighbor stopped by. She commented, \"Oh! Your plants are so beautiful, it seems such a shame to cut them back.\" I replied, \"I know how you feel, but the excess must be removed so they can grow stronger and healthier.\" Later I thought that perhaps my plants feel pain, but God and I know it's part of the plan and I've seen the results. I was quickly reminded of my precious A.A. program and how we all grow through pain. I ask God to prune me when it's time, so I can grow. OCTOBER 5 YESTERDAY'S BAGGAGE For the wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 88 I have more than enough to handle today, without dragging along yesterday's baggage too. I must balance today's books, if I am to have a chance tomorrow. So I ask myself if I have erred and how I can avoid repeating that particular behavior. Did I hurt anyone, did I help anyone, and why? Some of today is bound to spill over into tomorrow, but most of it need not if I make an honest daily inventory. OCTOBER 6 FACING OURSELVES . . . and Fear says, \"You dare not look!\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 49 How often I avoided a task in my drinking days just because it appeared so large! Is it any wonder, even if I have been sober for some time, that I will act that same way when faced with what appears to be a monumental job, such as a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself? What I discover after I have arrived at the other sidewhen my inventory is completedis that the illusion was greater than the reality. The fear of facing myself kept me at a standstill and, until I became willing to put pencil to paper, I was arresting my growth based on an intangible. OCTOBER 7 DAILY MONITORING Continued to take personal inventory. . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 88 The spiritual axiom referred to in the Tenth Step \"every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us\" also tells me that there are no exceptions to it. No matter how unreasonable others may seem, I am responsible for not reacting negatively. Regardless of what is happening around me I w ill always have the prerogative, and the responsibility, of choosing what happens within me. I am the creator of my own reality. When I take my daily inventory, I know that I must stop judging others. If I judge others, I am probably judging myself. Whoever is upsetting me most is my best teacher. I have much to learn from him or her, and in my heart, I should thank that person. OCTOBER 8 DAILY INVENTORY . . . and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59 I was beginning to approach my new life of sobriety with unaccustomed enthusiasm. New friends were cropping up and some of my battered friendships had begun to be repaired. Life was exciting, and I even began to enjoy my work, becoming so bold as to issue a report on the lack of proper care for some of our clients. One day a co-worker informed me that my boss was really sore because a complaint, submitted over his head, had caused him much discomfort at the hands of his superiors. I knew that my report had created the problem, and began to feel responsible for my boss's difficulty. In discussing the affair, my co-worker tried to reassure me that an apology was not necessary, but I soon became convinced that I had to do something, regardless of how it might turn out. When I approached my boss and owned up to my hand in his difficulties, he was surprised. But unexpected things came out of our encounter, and my boss and I were able to agree to interact more directly and effectively in the future. OCTOBER 9 A SPIRITUAL AXIOM It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 90 I never truly understood the Tenth Step's spiritual axiom until I had the following experience. I was sitting in my bedroom, reading into the wee hours, when suddenly I heard my dogs barking in the back yard. My neighbors frown on this kind of disturbance so, with mixed feelings of anger and shame, as well as fear of my neighbors' disapproval, I immediately called in my dogs. Several weeks later the exact situation repeated itself but this time, because I was feeling more at peace with myself, I was able to accept the situationdogs will barkand I calmly called in the dogs. Both incidents taught me that when a person experiences nearly identical events and reacts two different ways, then it is not the event which is of prime importance, but the person's spiritual condition. Feelings come from inside, not from outward circumstances. When my spiritual condition is positive, I react positively. OCTOBER 10 FIXING ME, NOT YOU If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 90 What a freedom I felt when this passage was pointed out to me! Suddenly I saw that I could do something about my anger, I could fix me, instead of trying to fix them. I believe that there are no exceptions to the axiom. When I am angry, my anger is always self-centered. I must keep reminding myself that I am human, that I am doing the best I can, even when that best is sometimes poor. So I ask God to remove my anger and truly set me free. OCTOBER 11 SELF-RESTRAINT Our first objective will be the development of self-restraint. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 91 My drive to work provides me with an opportunity for selfexamination. One day while making this trip, I began to review my progress in sobriety, and was not happy with what I saw. I hoped that, as the work day progressed, I would forget these troublesome thoughts, but as one disappointment after another kept coming, my discontent only increased, and the pressures within me kept mounting. I retreated to an isolated table in the lounge, and asked myself how I could make the most of the rest of the day. In the past, when things went wrong, I instinctively wanted to fight back. But during the short time I had been trying to five the A.A. program I had learned to step back and take a look at myself. I recognized that, although I was not the person I wanted to be, I had learned to not react in my old ways. Those old patterns of behavior only brought sorrow and hurt, to me and to others. I returned to my work station, determined to make the day a productive one, thanking God for the chance to make progress that day. OCTOBER 12 CURBING RASHNESS When we speak or act hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 91 Being fair-minded and tolerant is a goal toward which I must work daily. I ask God, as I understand Him, to help me to be loving and tolerant to my loved ones, and to those with whom I am in close contact. I ask for guidance to curb my speech when I am agitated, and I take a moment to reflect on the emotional upheaval my words may cause, not only to someone else, but also to myself. Prayer, meditation and inventories are the key to sound thinking and positive action for me. OCTOBER 13 UNREMITTING INVENTORIES Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. W e discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 The immediate admission of wrong thoughts or actions is a tough task for most human beings, but for recovering alcoholics like me it is difficult because of my propensity toward ego, fear and pride. The freedom the A.A. program offers me becomes more abundant when, through unremitting inventories of myself, I admit, acknowledge and accept responsibility for my wrong-doing. It is possible then for me to grow into a deeper and better understanding of humility. My willingness to admit when the fault is mine facilitates the progression of my growth and helps me to become more understanding and helpful to others. OCTOBER 14 A PROGRAM FOR LIVING When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. . . . On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. . . . Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86 I lacked serenity. With more to do than seemed possible, I fell further behind, no matter how hard I tried. Worries about things not done yesterday and fear of tomorrow's deadlines denied me the calm I needed to be effective each day. Before taking Steps Ten and Eleven, I began to read passages like the one cited above. I tried to focus on God's will, not my problems, and to trust that He would manage my day. It worked! Slowly, but it worked! OCTOBER 15 MY CHECKLIST, NOT YOURS Gossip barbed with our anger, a polite form of murder by character assassination, has its satisfactions for us, too. Here we are not trying to help those we criticize; we are trying to proclaim our own righteousness. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 67 Sometimes I don't realize that I gossiped about someone until the end of the day, when I take an inventory of the day's activities, and then, my gossiping appears like a blemish in my beautiful day. How could I have said something like that? Gossip shows its ugly head during a coffee break or lunch with business associates, or I may gossip during the evening, when I'm tired from the day's activities, and feel justified in bolstering my ego at the expense of someone else. Character defects like gossip sneak into my life when I am not making a constant effort to work the Twelve Steps of recovery. I need to remind myself that my uniqueness is the blessing of my being, and that applies equally to everyone who crosses my path in life's journey. Today the only inventory I need to take is my own. I'll leave judgment of others to the Final JudgeDivine Providence. OCTOBER 16 THROUGHOUT EACH DAY This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 During my early years in A. A. I saw Step Ten as a suggestion that I periodically look at my behavior and reactions. If there was something wrong, I should admit it; if an apology was necessary, I should give one. After a few years of sobriety I felt I should undertake a self-examination more frequently. Not until several more years of sobriety had elapsed did I realize the full meaning of Step Ten, and the word \"continued.\" \"Continued\" does not mean occasionally, or frequently. It means throughout each day. OCTOBER 17 A DAILY TUNE-UP Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 How do I maintain my spiritual condition? For me it's quite simple: on a daily basis I ask my Higher Power to grant me the gift of sobriety for that day! I have talked to many alcoholics who have gone back to drinking and I always ask them: \"Did you pray for sobriety the day you took your first drink?\" Not one of them said yes. As I practice Step Ten and try to keep my house in order on a daily basis, I have the knowledge that if I ask for a daily reprieve, it will be granted. OCTOBER 18 AN OPEN MIND True humility and an open mind can lead us to faith, . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 33 My alcoholic thinking led me to believe that I could control my drinking, but I couldn't. When I came to A.A., I realized that God was speaking to me through my group. My mind was open just enough to know that I needed His help. A real, honest acceptance of AA. took more time, but with it came humility. I know how insane I was, and I am ex-tremely grateful to have my sanity restored to me and to be a sober alcoholic. The new, sober me is a much better person than I ever could have been without A.A. OCTOBER 19 A.A'S \"MAIN TAPROOT\" The principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole Society has sprung and flowered. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 21-22 Defeated, and knowing it, I arrived at the doors of A.A., alone and afraid of the unknown. A power outside of myself had picked me up off my bed, guided me to the phone book, then to the bus stop, and through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. Once inside A.A. I experienced a sense of being loved and accepted, something I had net felt since early childhood. May I never lose the sense of won-der I experienced on that first evening with A.A., the greatest event of my entire life. OCTOBER 20 SOLACE FOR CONFUSION Obviously, the dilemma of the wanderer from faith is that of profound confusion. He thinks himself lost to the comfort of any conviction at all He cannot attain in even a small degree the assurance of the believer, the agnostic, or the atheist. He is the bewildered one. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 28 The concept of God was one that I struggled with during my early years of sobriety. The images that came to me, conjured from my past, were heavy with fear, rejection and condemnation. Then I heard my friend Ed's image of a Higher Power: As a boy he had been allowed a Utter of puppies, provided that he assume responsibility for their care. Each morning he would find the unavoidable \"by-products\" of the puppies on the kitchen floor. Despite frustration, Ed said he couldn't get angry because \"that's the nature of puppies.\" Ed felt that God viewed our defects and shortcomings with a similar understanding and warmth. I've often found solace from my personal confusion in Ed's calming concept of God. OCTOBER 21 NOTHING GROWS IN THE DARK W e will want the good that is in us all, even in the worst of us, to flower and to grow. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 10 With the self-discipline and insight gained from practicing Step Ten, I begin to know the gratifications of sobrietynot as mere abstinence from alcohol, but as recovery in every department of my life. I renew hope, regenerate faith, and regain the dignity of self-respect. I discover the word \"and\" in the phrase \"and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.\" Reassured that I am no longer always wrong, I learn to accept myself as I am, with a new sense of the miracles of sobriety and serenity. OCTOBER 22 TRUE TOLERANCE Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 92 The thought occurred to me that all people are emotionally ill to some extent. How could we not be? Who among us is spiritually perfect? Who among us is physically perfect? How could any of us be emotionally perfect? Therefore, what else are we to do but bear with one another and treat each other as we would be treated in similar circum-stances? That is what love really is. OCTOBER 23 WHAT WE KNOW BEST \"Shoemaker, stick to thy last!\" . . . better do one thing supremely well than many badly. That is the central theme of this Tradition [Five]. Around it our Society gathers in unity. The very life of our Fellowship requires the preservation of this principle. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 150 The survival of A.A. depends upon unity. What would happen if a group decided to become an employment agency, a treatment center or a social service agency? Too much specialization leads to no specialization, to frittering of efforts and, finally, to decline. I have the qualifications to share my sufferings and my way of recovery with the newcomer. Conformity to A.A.'s primary purpose insures the safety of the wonderful gift of sobriety, so my re-sponsibility is enormous. The life of millions of alcoholics is closely tied to my competence in \"carrying the message to the still-suffering alcoholic.\" OCTOBER 24 \"BY FAITH AND BY WORKS\" On anvils of experience, the structure of our Society was hammered out. . . . Thus has it been with A.A. By faith and by works we have been able to build upon the lessons of an incredible experience. They live today in the Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous, whichGod willingshall sustain us in unity for so long as He may need us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 131 God has allowed me the right to be wrong in order for our Fellowship to exist as it does today. If I place God's will first in my life, it is very likely that A.A. as I know it today will remain as it is. OCTOBER 25 A.A.'s HEARTBEAT Without unity, the heart of A.A. would cease to beat; . . . AS BILL SEES IT, p. 125 Without unity I would be unable to recover in A.A. on a daily basis. By practicing unity within my group, with other A.A. members and at all levels of this great Fellowship, I receive a pronounced feeling of knowing that I am a part of a miracle that was divinely inspired. The ability of Bill W. and Dr. Bob, working together and passing it on to other members, tells me that to give it away is to keep it. Unity is oneness and yet the whole Fellowship is for all of us. OCTOBER 26 ONE ULTIMATE AUTHORITY For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 132 When I am chosen to carry some small responsibility for my fellows, I ask that God grant me the patience, open-mindedness, and willingness to listen to those I would lead. I must remind myself that I am the trusted servant of others, not their \"governor,\" \"teacher,\" or \"instructor.\" God guides my words and my actions, and my responsibility is to heed His suggestions. Trust is my watchword, I trust others who lead. In the Fellowship of A.A., I entrust God with the ultimate authority of \"running the show.\" OCTOBER 27 GLOBAL SHARING The only thing that matters is that he is an alcoholic who has found a key to sobriety. These legacies of suffering and of recovery are easily passed among alcoholics, one to the other. This is our gift from God, and its bestowal upon others like us is the one aim that today animates A. A. 's all around the globe. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 151 The strength of Alcoholics Anonymous lies in the desire of each member and of each group around the world to share with other alcoholics their suffering and the steps taken to gain, and maintain, recovery. By keeping a conscious contact with my Higher Power, I make sure that I always nurture my desire to help other alcoholics, thus insuring the continuity of the wonderful fraternity of Alcoholics Anonymous. OCTOBER 28 AN UNBROKEN TRADITION We conceive the survival and spread of Alcoholics Anonymous to be something of far greater importance than the weight we could collectively throw back of any other cause. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 177 How much it means to me that an unbroken tradition of more than half a century is a thread that connects me to Bill W. and Dr. Bob. How much more grounded I feel to be in a Fellowship whose aims are constant and unflagging. I am grateful that the energies of A.A. have never been scattered, but focused instead on our members and on individual sobriety. My beliefs are what make me human; I am free to hold any opinion, but A.A.'s purposeso clearly stated fifty years agois for me to keep sober. That purpose has promoted round-the-clock meeting schedules, and the thousands of intergroup and central service offices, with their thousands of volunteers. Like the sun focused through a magnifying glass, A.A.'s single vision has lit a fire of faith in sobriety in millions of hearts, including mine. OCTOBER 29 OUR SURVIVAL Since recovery from alcoholism is life itself to us, it is imperative that we preserve in full strength our means of survival. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 177 The honesty expressed by the members of A.A. in meetings has the power to open my mind. Nothing can block the flow of energy that honesty carries with it. The only obstacle to this flow of energy is inebriation, but even then, no one will find a closed door if he or she has left and chooses to return. Once he or she has received the gift of sobriety, each A.A. member is challenged on a daily basis to accept a program of honesty. My Higher Power created me for a purpose in life. I ask him to accept my honest efforts to continue on my journey in the spiritual way of life. I call on Him for strength to know and seek His will. OCTOBER 30 LIVE AND LET LIVE Never since it began has Alcoholics Anonymous been divided by a major controversial issue. Nor has our Fellowship ever publicly taken sides on any question in an embattled world. This, however, has been no earned virtue. It could almost be said that we were born with it. . . . \"So long as we don't argue these matters privately, it's a cinch we never shall publicly.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 176 Do I remember that I have a right to my opinion but that others don't have to share it? That's the spirit of \"Live and Let Live.\" The Serenity Prayer reminds me, with God's help, to \"Accept the things I cannot change.\" Am I still trying to change others? When it comes to \"Courage to change the things I can,\" do I remember that my opinions are mine, and yours are yours? Am I still afraid to be me? When it comes to \"Wisdom to know the difference,\" do I remember that my opinions come from my experience? If I have a know-it-all attitude, aren't I being deliberately controversial? OCTOBER 31 AVOIDING CONTROVERSY All history affords us the spectacle of striving nations and groups finally torn asunder because they were designed for, or tempted into, controversy. Others fell apart because of sheer self-righteousness while trying to enforce upon the rest of mankind some millennium of their own specification. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 176 As an A.A. member and sponsor, I know I can cause real damage if I yield to temptation and give opinions and advice on another's medical, marital, or religious problems. I am not a doctor, counselor, or lawyer. I cannot tell anyone how he or she should live; however, I can share how I came through similar situations without drinking, and how A.A.'s Steps and Traditions help me in dealing with my life.  NOVEMBER 1 I CANNOT CHANGE THE WIND is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. W e are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 My first sponsor told me there were two things to say about prayer and meditation: first, I had to start and second, I had to continue. When I came to A.A. my spiritual life was bankrupt; if I considered God at all, He was to be called upon only when my self-will was incapable of a task or when overwhelming fears had eroded my ego. Today I am grateful for a new life, one in which my prayers are those of thanksgiving. My prayer time is more for listening than for talking. I know today that if I cannot change the wind, I can adjust my sail. I know the difference between superstition and spirituality. I know there is a graceful way of being right, and many ways to be wrong. NOVEMBER 2 KEEPING OPTIMISM AFLOAT The other Steps can keep most of us sober and somehow functioning. But Step Eleven can keep us growing . . . THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 240 A sober alcoholic finds it much easier to be optimistic about life. Optimism is the natural result of my finding myself gradually able to make the best, rather than the worst, of each situation. As my physical sobriety continues, I come out of the fog, gain a clearer perspective and am better able to determine what courses of action to take. As vital as physical sobriety is, I can achieve a greater poten-tial for myself by developing an ever-increasing willingness to avail myself of the guidance and direction of a Higher Power. My ability to do so comes from my learningand practicingthe principles of the A.A. program. The melding of my physical and spiritual sobriety produces the substance of a more positive life. NOVEMBER 3 FOCUSING AND LISTENING There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 98 If I do my self-examination first, then surely, I'll have enough humility to pray and meditatebecause I'll see and feel my need for them. Some wish to begin and end with prayer, leaving the self-examination and meditation to take place in between, whereas others start with meditation, listening for advice from God about their still hidden or unacknowledged defects. Still others engage in written and verbal work on their defects, ending with a prayer of praise and thanksgiving. These three-self-examination, meditation and prayerform a circle, without a beginning or an end. No matter where, or how, I start, I eventually arrive at my destination: a better life. NOVEMBER 4 A DAILY DISCIPLINE . . . when they [self-examination, meditation and prayer] are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 98 The last three Steps of the program invoke God's loving discipline upon my willful nature. If I devote just a few moments every night to a review of the highlights of my day, along with an acknowledgement of those aspects that didn't please me so much, I gain a personal history of myself, one that is essential to my journey into self-discovery. I was able to note my growth, or lack of it, and to ask in prayerful meditation to be relieved of those con-tinuing shortcomings that cause me pain. Meditation and prayer also teach me the art of focusing and listening. I find that the turmoil of the day gets tuned out as I pray for His will and guidance. The practice of asking Him to help me in my strivings for perfection puts a new slant on the tedium of any day, because I know there is honor in any job done well. The daily discipline of prayer and meditation will keep me in fit spiritual condition, able to face whatever the day bringswithout the thought of a drink. NOVEMBER 5 \"THE QUALITY OF FAITH\" This . . . has to do with the quality of faith. . . . In no deep or meaningful sense had we ever taken stock of ourselves. . . . W e had not even prayed rightly. W e had always said, \"Grant me my wishes\" instead of \"Thy will be done.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 32 God does not grant me material possessions, take away my suffering, or spare me from disasters, but He does give me a good life, the ability to cope, and peace of mind. My prayers are simple: first, they express my gratitude for the good things in my life, regardless of how hard I have to search for them; and second, I ask only for the strength and the wisdom to do His will. He answers with solutions to my problems, sustaining my ability to live through daily frustrations with a serenity I did not believe existed, and with the strength to practice the principles of A.A. in all of my everyday affairs. NOVEMBER 6 GOING WITH THE FLOW Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him. . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 96 The first words I speak when arising in the morning are, \"I arise, O God, to do Thy will.\" This is the shortest prayer I know and it is deeply ingrained in me. Prayer doesn't change God's attitude toward me; it changes my attitude toward God. As distinguished from prayer, meditation is a quiet time, without words. To be centered is to be physically relaxed, emotionally calm, mentally focused and spiritually aware. One way to keep the channel open and to improve my conscious contact with God is to maintain a grateful attitude. On the days when I am grateful, good things seem to happen in my life. The instant I start cursing things in my life, however, the flow of good stops. God did not interrupt the flow; my own negativity did. NOVEMBER 7 LET GO AND LET GOD . . . praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 96 When I \"Let Go and Let God,\" I think more clearly and wisely. Without having to think about it, I quickly let go of things that cause me immediate pain and discomfort. Because I find it hard to let go of the kind of worrisome thoughts and attitudes that cause me immense anguish, all I need do during those times is allow God, as I understand Him, to release them for me, and then and there, I let go of the thoughts, memories and attitudes that are troubling me. When I receive help from God, as I understand Him, I can live my life one day at a time and handle whatever challenges that come my way. Only then can I live a life of victory over alcohol, in comfortable sobriety. NOVEMBER 8 AN INDIVIDUAL ADVENTURE Meditation is something which can always be further developed. It has no boundaries, either of width or height. Aided by such instruction and example as we can find, it is essentially an individual adventure, something which each one of us works out in his own way. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 101 My spiritual growth is with God as I understand Him. With Him I find my true inner self. Daily meditation and prayer strengthen and renew my source of well-being. I receive then the openness to accept all that He has to offer. With God I have the reassurance that my journey will be as He wants for me, and for that I am grateful to have God in my life. NOVEMBER 9 STEPPING INTO THE SUNLIGHT But first of all we shall want sunlight; nothing much can grow in the dark. Meditation is our step out into the sun. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 10 Sometimes I think I don't have time for prayer and meditation, forgetting that I always found the time to drink. It is possible to make time for anything I want to do if I want it badly enough. When I start the routine of prayer and meditation, it's a good idea to plan to devote a small amount of time to it. I read a page from our Fellowship's books in the morning, and say \"Thank You, God,\" when I go to bed at night. As prayer becomes a habit, I will in-crease the time spent on it, without even noticing the foray it makes into my busy day. If I have trouble praying, I just repeat the Lord's Prayer because it really covers everything. Then I think of what I can be grateful for and say a word of thanks. I don't need to shut myself in a closet to pray. It can be done even in a room full of people. I just remove myself mentally for an instant. As the practice of prayer continues, I will find I don't need words, for God can, and does, hear my thoughts through silence. NOVEMBER 10 A SENSE OF BELONGING Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation and prayer is the sense of belonging that comes to us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105 That's what it isbelonging! After a session of meditation I knew that the feeling I was experiencing was a sense of belonging because I was so relaxed. I felt quieter inside, more willing to discard little irritations. I appreciated my sense of humor. What I also experience in my daily practice is the sheer pleasure of belonging to the creative flow of God's world. How propitious for us that prayer and meditation are written right into our A.A. way of life. NOVEMBER 11 SELF-ACCEPTANCE We know that God lovingly watches over us. W e know that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us, here and hereafter. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105 I pray for the willingness to remember that I am a child of God, a divine soul in human form, and that my most basic and urgent life-task is to accept, know, love and nurture myself. As I accept myself, I am accepting God's will. As I know and love myself, I am knowing and loving God. As I nurture myself I am acting on God's guidance. I pray for the willingness to let go of my arrogant selfcriticism, and to praise God by humbly accepting and caring for myself. NOVEMBER 12 MORNING THOUGHTS Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164 For many years I pondered over God's will for me, believing that perhaps a great destiny had been ordained for my life. After all, having been born into a specific faith, hadn't I been told early that I was \"chosen\"? It finally occurred to me, as I considered the above passage, that God's will for me was simply that I practice Step Twelve on a daily basis. Furthermore, I realized I should do this to the best of my ability. I soon learned that the practice aids me in keeping my life in the context of the day at hand. NOVEMBER 13 LOOKING OUTWARD We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no requests for ourselves only. W e may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped W e are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 87 As an active alcoholic, I allowed selfishness to run rampant in my life. I was so attached to my drinking and other selfish habits that people and moral principles came second. Now, when I pray for the good of others rather than my \"own selfish ends,\" I practice a discipline in letting go of selfish attachments, caring for my fellows and preparing for the day when I will be required to let go of all earthly attachments. NOVEMBER 14 INTUITION AND INSPIRATION . . we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought >r a decision. W e relax and take it easy. W e don't struggle. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86 [ invest my time in what I truly love. Step Eleven is a discipline that allows me and my Higher Power to be together, reminding me that, with God's help, intuition and inspiration are possible. Practice of the Step brings on self-love. In a consistent attempt to improve my conscious contact with a Higher Power, I am subtly reminded of my unhealthy past, with its patterns of grandiose thinking and false feelings of omnipotence. When I ask for the power to carry out God's will for me, I am made aware of my powerlessness. Humility and a healthy self-love are compatible, a direct result of working Step Eleven. NOVEMBER 15 VITAL SUSTENANCE Those of us who have come to make regular use of prayer would no more do without it than we would refuse air, food, or sunshine. And for the same reason. When we refuse air, light, or food, the body suffers. And when we turn away from meditation and prayer, we likewise deprive our minds, our emotions, and our intuitions of vitally needed support. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 97 Step Eleven doesn't have to overwhelm me. Conscious contact with God can be as simple, and as profound, as conscious contact with another human being. I can smile. I can listen. I can forgive. Every encounter with another is an opportunity for prayer, for acknowledging God's presence within me. Today I can bring myself a little closer to my Higher Power. The more I choose to seek the beauty of God's work in other people, the more certain of His presence I will become. NOVEMBER 16 A DAILY REPRIEVE What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 Maintaining my spiritual condition is like working out every day, planning for the marathon, swimming laps, jogging. It's staying in good shape spiritually, and that requires prayer and meditation. The single most important way for me to improve my conscious contact with a Higher Power is to pray and meditate. I am as powerless over alcohol as I am to turn back the waves of the sea; no human force had the power to overcome my alcoholism. Now I am able to breathe the air of joy, happiness and wisdom. I have the power to love and react to events around me with the eyes of a faith in things that are not readily apparent. My daily reprieve means that, no matter how difficult or painful things appear today, I can draw on the power of the program to stay liberated from my cunning, baffling and powerful illness. NOVEMBER 17 OVERCOMING LONELINESS Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by loneliness Even before our drinking got bad and people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered the feeling that we didn't quite belong. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 90 The agonies and the void that I often felt inside occur less and less frequently in my life today. I have learned to cope with solitude. It is only when I am alone and calm that I am able to communicate with God, for He cannot reach me when I am in turmoil. It is good to maintain contact with God at all times, but it is absolutely essential that, when everything seems to go wrong, I maintain that contact through prayer and meditation. NOVEMBER 18 A SAFETY NET Occasionally. . . . W e are seized with a rebellion so sickening that we simply won't pray. When these things happen we should not think too ill of ourselves. W e should simply resume prayer as soon as we can, doing what we know to be good for us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105 Sometimes I scream, stomp my feet, and turn my back on my Higher Power. Then my disease tells me that I am a failure, and that if I stay angry I'll surely get drunk. In those moments of self-will it's as if I've slipped over a cliff and am hanging by one hand. The above passage is my safety net, in that it urges me to try some new behavior, such as being kind and patient with myself. It assures me that my Higher Power will wait until I am willing once again to risk letting go, to land in the net, and to pray. NOVEMBER 19 \"I WAS SLIPPING FAST\" We A.A.'s are active folk, enjoying the satisfactions of dealing with the realities of life, . . . So it isn't surprising that we often tend to slight serious meditation and prayer as something not really necessary. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 96 I had been slipping away from the program for some time, but it took a death threat from a terminal disease to bring me back, and particularly to the practice of the Eleventh Step of our blessed Fellowship. Although I had fifteen years of sobriety and was still very active in the program, I knew that the quality of my sobriety had slipped badly. Eighteen months later, a checkup revealed a malignant tumor and a prognosis of certain death within six months. Despair settled in when I enrolled in a rehab program, after which I suffered two small strokes which revealed two large brain tumors. As I kept hitting new bottoms I had to ask myself why this was happening to me. God allowed me to rec-ognize my dishonesty and to become teachable again. Miracles began to happen. But primarily I relearned the whole meaning of the Eleventh Step. My physical condition has improved dramatically, but my illness is minor compared to what I almost lost completely. NOVEMBER 20 \"THY WILL, NOT MINE\" . . . when making specific requests, it will be well to add to each one of them this qualification. \". . . if it be Thy will\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 102 I ask simply that throughout the day God place in me the best understanding of His w ill that I can have for that day, and that I be given the grace by which I may carry it out. As the day goes on, I can pause when facing situations that must be met and decisions that must be made, and renew the simple request: \"Thy will, not mine, be done.\" I must always keep in mind that in every situation I am responsible for the effort and God is responsible for the outcome. I can \"Let Go and Let God\" by humbly repeating: \"Thy will, not mine, be done.\" Patience and persistence in seeking His will for me will free me from the pain of selfish expectations. NOVEMBER 21 A CLASSIC PRAYER Lord, make me a channel for thy peacethat where there is hatred, I may bring lovethat where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgivenessthat where there is discord, I may bring harmonythat where there is error, I may bring truththat where there is doubt, I may bring faiththat where there is despair, I may bring hopethat where there are shadows, I may bring lightthat where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comfortedto under-stand, than to be understoodto love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 99 No matter where I am in my spiritual growth, the St. Francis prayer helps me improve my conscious contact with the God of my understanding. I think that one of the great advantages of my faith in God is that I do not understand Him, or Her, or It. It may be that my relationship with my Higher Power is so fruitful that I do not have to understand. All that I am certain of is that if I work the Eleventh Step regularly, as best I can, I will continue to improve my conscious contact, I will know His will NOVEMBER 22 ONLY TWO SINS . . . there are only two sins; the first is to interfere with the growth of another human being, and the second is to interfere with one's own growth. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 542 Happiness is such an elusive state. How often do my \"prayers\" for others involve \"hidden\" prayers for my own agenda? How often is my search for happiness a boulder in the path of growth for another, or even myself? Seeking growth through humility and acceptance brings things that appear to be anything but good, wholesome and vital. Yet in looking back, I can see that pain, struggles and setbacks have all contributed eventually to serenity through growth in the program. I ask my Higher Power to help me not cause another's lack of growth todayor my own. NOVEMBER 23 \"HOLD YOUR FACE TO THE LIGHT\" Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the Light, even though for the moment you do not see. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 3 One Sunday in October, during my morning meditation, I glanced out the window at the ash tree in our front yard. At once I was overwhelmed by its magnificent, golden color! As I stared in awe at God's work of art, the leaves began to fall and, within minutes, the branches were bare. Sadness came over me as I thought of the winter months ahead, but just as I was reflecting on autumn's annual process, God's message came through. Like the trees, stripped of their leaves in the fall, sprout new blossoms in the spring, I had had my compulsive, selfish ways removed by God in order for me to blossom into a sober, joyful member of A.A. Thank you, God, for the changing seasons and for my ever-changing life. NOVEMBER 24 A UNIVERSAL SEARCH Be quick to see where religious people are right Make use of what they offer. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 87 I do not claim to have all the answers in spiritual matters, any more than I claim to have all the answers about alcoholism. There are others who are also engaged in a spiritual search. If I keep an open mind about what others have to say, I have much to gain. My sobriety is greatly enriched, and my practice of the Eleventh Step more fruitful, when I use both the literature and practices of my Judeo-Christian tradition, and the resources of other religions. Thus, I receive support from many sources in staying away from the first drink. NOVEMBER 25 A POWERFUL TRADITION In the years before the publication of the book, \"Alcoholics Anonymous,\" we had no name. . . . By a narrow majority the verdict was for naming our book \"The W ay Out\" . . . One of our early lone members . . . found exactly twelve books already titled \"The W ay Out\" ... S o \"Alcoholics Anonymous\" became first choice. That's how we got a name for our book of experience, a name for our movement and, as we are now beginning to see, a tradition of the greatest spiritual import. \"A.A. TRADITION: HOW IT DEVELOPED,\" pp. 35-36 Beginning with Bill's momentous decision in Akron to make a telephone call rather than a visit to the hotel bar, how often has a Higher Power made itself felt at crucial moments in our history! The eventual importance that the principle of anonymity would acquire was but dimly perceived, if at all, in those early days. There seems to have been an element of chance even in the choice of a name for our Fellowship. God is no stranger to anonymity and often appears in human affairs in the guises of \"luck,\" \"chance,\" or \"coincidence.\" If anonymity, somewhat fortuitously, became the spiritual basis for all of our Traditions, perhaps God was acting anonymously on our behalf. NOVEMBER 26 THE HAZARDS OF PUBLICITY People who symbolize causes and ideas fill a deep human need. W e of A.A. do not question that. But we do have to soberly face the fact that being in the public eye is hazardous, especially for us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 181 As a recovered alcoholic I must make an effort to put into practice the principles of the AA. program, which are founded on honesty, truth and humility. While I was drinking I was constantly trying to be in the limelight. Now that I am conscious of my mistakes and of my former lack of integrity, it would not be honest to seek prestige, even for the justifiable purpose of promoting the A.A. message of recovery. Is the publicity that centers around the A.A. Fellowship and the miracles it produces not worth much more? Why not let the people around us appreciate by themselves the changes that A.A. has brought in us, for that will be a far better recommendation for the Fellowship than any I could make. NOVEMBER 27 THE PERILS OF THE LIMELIGHT In the beginning, the press could not understand our refusal of all personal publicity. They were genuinely baffled by our insistence upon anonymity. Then they got the point. Here was something rare in the world a society which said it wished to publicize its principles and its work, but not its individual members. The press was delighted with this attitude. Ever since, these friends have reported A.A. with an enthusiasm which the most ardent members would find hard to match. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 182 It is essential for my personal survival and that of the Fellowship that I not use A.A. to put myself in the limelight. Anonymity is a way for me to work on my humility. Since pride is one of my most dangerous shortcomings, practicing humility is one of the best ways to overcome it. The Fellowship of A.A. gains worldwide recognition by its various methods of publicizing its principles and its work, not by its individual members advertising themselves. The attraction created by my changing attitudes and my altruism contributes much more to the welfare of A.A. than self-promotion. NOVEMBER 28 ATTRACTION, NOT PROMOTION Through many painful experiences, we think we have arrived at what that policy ought to be. It is the opposite in many ways of usual promotional practice. W e found that we had to rely upon the principle of attraction rather than of promotion. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 180-81 While I was drinking I reacted with anger, self-pity and defiance against anyone who wanted to change me. All I wanted then was to be accepted by another human simply as I was and, curiously, that is what I found in A.A. I became the custodian of this concept of attraction, which is the principle of our Fellowship's public relations. It is by attraction that I can best reach the alcoholic who still suffers. I thank God for having given me the attraction of a wellplanned and established program of Steps and Traditions. Through humility and the support of my fellow sober members, I have been able to practice the A.A. way of life through attraction, not promotion. NOVEMBER 29 \"ACTIVE GUARDIANS\" To us, however, it represents far more than a sound public relations policy. It is more than a denial of self-seeking. This Tradition is a constant and practical reminder that personal ambition has no place in A A. In it, each member becomes an active guardian of our Fellowship. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 183 The basic concept of humility is expressed in the Eleventh Tradition: it allows me to participate completely in the program in such a simple, yet profound, manner; it fulfills my need to be an integral part of a significant whole. Humility brings me closer to the actual spirit of togetherness and oneness, without which I could not stay sober. In remembering that every member is an example of sobriety, each one living the Eleventh Tradition, I am able to experience freedom because each one of us is anonymous. NOVEMBER 30 PROTECTION FOR ALL At the personal level, anonymity provides protection or all members from identification as alcoholics, a safeguard often of special importance to newcomers, i t the level of press, radio, TV, and films, anonymity tresses the equality in the Fellowship of all members by putting the brake on those who might otherwise exploit their A.A. affiliation to achieve recognition, power, or personal gain. \"UNDERSTANDING ANONYMITY,\" p. 5 Attraction is the main force in the Fellowship of A.A. The miracle of continuous sobriety of alcoholics within A.A. confirms this fact every day. It would be harmful if the Fellowship promoted itself by publicizing, through the media of radio and TV, the sobriety of well-known public personalities who became members of A.A. If these personalities happened to have slips, outsiders would think our movement is not strong and they might question the veracity of the miracle of the century. Alcoholics Anonymous is not anonymous, but its members should be. DECEMBER 1 \"SUGGESTED\" STEPS Our Twelfth Step also says that as a result of practicing all the Steps, we have each found something called a spiritual awakening. . . . A. A.'s manner of making ready to receive this gift lies in the practice of the Twelve Steps in our program.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 106-07 I remember my sponsor's answer when I told him that the Steps were \"suggested.\" He replied that they are \"suggested\" in the same way that, if you were to jump out of an airplane with a parachute, it is \"suggested\" that you pull the ripcord to save your life. He pointed out that it was \"suggested\" I practice the Twelve Steps, if I wanted to save my life. So I try to remember daily that I have a whole program of recovery based on all Twelve of the \"suggested\" Steps. DECEMBER 2 SERENITY Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 106 As I continued to go to meetings and work the Steps, something began to happen to me. I felt confused because I wasn't sure what it was that I was feeling, and then I realized I was experiencing serenity. It was a good feeling, but where had it come from? Then I realized it had come \" . . . as the result of these steps.\" The program may not always be easy to practice, but I had to acknowledge that my serenity had come to me after working the Steps. As I work the Steps in everything I do, prac-ticing these principles in all my affairs, now I find that I am awake to God, to others, and to myself. The spiritual awakening I have enjoyed as the result of working the Steps is the awareness that I am no longer alone. DECEMBER 3 IN ALL OUR AFFAIRS . . . we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 106 I find that carrying the message of recovery to other alcoholics is easy because it helps me to stay sober and it provides me with a sense of well-being about my own recovery. The hard part is practicing these principles in all my affairs. It is important that I share the benefits I receive from A.A., especially at home. Doesn't my family deserve the same patience, tolerance and understanding I so readily give to the alcoholic? When reviewing my day I try to ask, \"Did I have a chance to be a friend today and miss it?\" \"Did I have a chance to rise above a nasty situation and avoid it?\" \"Did I have a chance to say 'I'm sorry,' and refuse to?\" Just as I ask God for help with my alcoholism each day, I ask for help in extending my recovery to include all situations and all people! DECEMBER 4 INTO ACTION A. A. is more than a set of principles; it is a society of alcoholics in action. W e must carry the message, else we ourselves can wither and those who haven't been given the truth may die. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 13 I desperately wanted to live, but if I was to succeed, I had to become active in our God-given program. I joined what became my group, where I opened the hall, made coffee, and cleaned up. I had been sober about three months when an oldtimer told me I was doing Twelfth-Step work. What a satisfying realization that was! I felt I was really accomplishing something. God had given me a second chance, A.A. had shown me the way, and these gifts were not only freethey were also priceless! Now the joy of seeing newcomers grow reminds me of where I have come from, where I am now, and the limitless possibilities that he ahead. I need to attend meetings because they recharge my batteries so that I have light when it's needed. I'm still a beginner in service work, but already I am receiving more than I'm giving. I can't keep it unless I give it away. I am responsible when another reaches out for help. I want to be theresober. DECEMBER 5 A NEW STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 107 Many of us in AA. puzzle over what is a spiritual awakening. I tended to look for a miracle, something dramatic and earth-shattering. But what usually happens is that a sense of well-being, a feeling of peace, transforms us into a new level of awareness. That's what happened to me. My insanity and inner turmoil disappeared and I entered into a new dimension of hope, love and peace. I think the degree to which I continue to experience this new di-mension is in direct proportion to the sincerity, depth and devotion with which I practice the Twelve Steps of A.A. DECEMBER 6 WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN When we developed still more, we discovered the best possible source of emotional stability to be God Himself. We found that dependence upon His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy, and that it would work where nothing else would. If we really depended upon God, we couldn't very well play God to our fellows nor would we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 116 It has been my experience that, when all human resources appear to have failed, there is always One who will never desert me. Moreover, He is always there to share my joy, to steer me down the right path, and to confide in when no one else will do. While my well-being and happiness can be added to, or diminished, by human efforts, only God can provide the loving nourishment upon which I depend for my daily spiritual health. DECEMBER 7 TRUE AMBITION True ambition is not what we thought it was. True ambition is the deep desire to live usefully and walk humbly under the grace of God. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 124-25 During my drinking years, my one and only concern was to have my fellow man think highly of me. My ambition in everything I did was to have the power to be at the top. My inner self kept telling me something else but I couldn't accept it. I didn't even allow myself to realize that I wore a mask continually. Finally, when the mask came off and I cried out to the only God I could conceive, the Fellowship of A.A., my group and the Twelve Steps were there. I learned how to change resentments into acceptance, fear into hope and anger into love. I have learned also, through loving without undue expectations, through sharing my concerns and caring for my fellow man, that each day can be joyous and fruitful. I begin and end my day with thanks to God, who has so generously shed His grace on me. DECEMBER 8 SERVICE Life will take on new meaning. T o watch people re-over, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have host of friendsthis is an experience you must not miss. . . . Frequent contact with newcomers and nth each other is the bright spot of our lives. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 89 t is through service that the greatest rewards are to be found. But to be in a position of offering true, useful and effective service to others, I must first work on myself. This means that I have to abandon myself to God, admitting my faults and clearing away the wreckage of my past. Work on myself has aught me how to find the necessary peace and serenity to successfully merge inspiration and experience. I have learned how to be, in the truest sense, in open channel of sobriety. DECEMBER 9 LOVE WITH NO PRICE TAG When the Twelfth Step is seen in its full implication, it is really talking about the kind of love that has no price tag on it TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 106 In order for me to start working the Twelfth Step, I had to work on sincerity, honesty, and to learn to act with humility. Carrying the message is a gift of myself, no matter how many years of sobriety I may have accumulated. My dreams can become reality. I solidify my sobriety by sharing what I have received freely. As I look back to that time when I began my recovery, there was already a seed of hope that I could help another drunk pull himself out of his alcoholic mire. My wish to help another drunk is the key to my spiritual health. But I never forget that God acts through me. I am only His instrument. Even if the other person is not ready, there is success, because my effort in his behalf has helped me to remain sober and to become stronger. To act, to never grow weary in my Twelfth Step work, is the key. If I am capable of laughing today, let me not forget those days when I cried. God reminds me that I can feel compassion! DECEMBER 10 CARRYING THE MESSAGE Now, what about the rest of the Twelfth Step? The wonderful energy it releases and the eager action by which it carries our message to the next suffering alcoholic and which finally translates the Twelve Steps into action upon all our affairs is the payoff, the magnificent reality, of Alcoholics Anonymous. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 109 To renounce the alcoholic world is not to abandon it, but to act upon principles I have come to love and cherish, and to restore in others who still suffer the serenity I have come to know. When I am truly committed to this purpose, it matters little what clothes I wear or how I make a living. My task is to carry the message, and to lead by example, not design. DECEMBER 11 \"A GENUINE HUMILITY\" . . . we are actually to practice a genuine humility. This is to the end that our great blessings may never spoil us; that we shall forever live in thankful contemplation of Him who presides over us all. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 192 Experience has taught me that my alcoholic personality tends to be grandiose. While having seemingly good intentions, I can go off on tangents in pursuit of my \"causes.\" My ego takes over and I lose sight of my primary purpose. I may even take credit for God's handiwork in my life. Such an overstated feeling of my own importance is dangerous to my sobriety and could cause great harm to A.A. as a whole. My safeguard, the Twelfth Tradition, serves to keep me humble. I realize, both as an individual and as a member of the Fellowship, that I cannot boast of my accomplishments, and that \"God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.\" DECEMBER 12 A COMMON SOLUTION The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. W e have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious ac-ion. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 17 The most far-reaching Twelfth Step work was the publication of our Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous. Few can equal that book for carrying the message. My idea is to get out of myself and simply do what I can. Even if I haven't been asked to sponsor and my phone rarely rings, I am still able to do Twelfth Step work. I get involved in \"brotherly and harmonious action.\" At meetings I show up early to greet people and to help set up, and to share my experience, strength and hope. I also do what I can with service work. My Higher Power gives me exactly what He wants me to do at any given point in my recovery and, if I let Him, my willingness will bring Twelfth Step work automatically. DECEMBER 13 THINKING OF OTHERS Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 20 Thinking of others has never come easily to me. Even when I try to work the A.A. program, I'm prone to thinking, \"How do I feel today. Am I happy, joyous and free?\" The program tells me that my thoughts must reach out to those around me: \"Would that newcomer welcome someone to talk to?\" \"That person looks a little unhappy today, maybe I could cheer him up.\" It is only when I forget my problems, and reach out to contribute something to others that I can begin to attain the serenity and God-consciousness I seek. DECEMBER 14 REACHING OUT Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of spiritual looks for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 95 When I come into contact with a newcomer, do I have a tendency to look at him from my perceived ingle of success in A.A.? Do I compare him with the large number of acquaintances I have made in the Fellowship? Do I point out to him in a magisterial way the voice of A.A.? What is my real attitude toward him? I must examine myself whenever I meet a newcomer to make sure that I am carrying the message with simplicity, humility and generosity. The one who still suffers from the terrible dis-ease of alcoholism must find in me a friend who will allow him to get to know the A.A. way, because I had such a friend when I arrived in A.A. Today it is my turn to hold out my hand, with love, to my sister or brother alcoholic, and to show her or him the way to happiness. DECEMBER 15 DOING ANYTHING TO HELP Offer him [the alcoholic] friendship and fellowship. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 95 I remember how attracted I was to the two men from A.A. who Twelfth-Stepped me. They said I could have what they had, with no conditions attached, that all I had to do was make my own decision to join them on the pathway to recovery. When I start convincing a newcomer to do things my way, I forget how helpful those two men were to me in their open-minded generosity. DECEMBER 16 PARTNERS IN RECOVERY . . nothing will so much insure immunity from finking as intensive work with other alcoholics. . . Both you and the new man must walk day by ay in the path of spiritual progress. . . . Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your resent circumstances! ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 89, 100 Doing the right things for the right reasonsthis is my way of controlling my selfishness and self-centeredness. I realize that my dependency on a higher Power clears the way for peace of mind, happiness and sobriety. I pray each day that I will avoid my previous actions, so that I will be helpful o others. DECEMBER 17 A PRICELESS REWARD . . . work with other alcoholics. . . . It work when other activities fail. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 8 \"Life will take on new meaning,\" as the Big Book says (p.89). This promise has helped me to avow self-seeking and self-pity. To watch others grow in this wonderful program, to see them improve the quality of their lives, is a priceless reward for my effort to help others. Self-examination is yet another reward for an ongoing recovery, as are serenity, peace and contentment. The energy derived from seeing others on a successful path, of sharing with them the joys of the journey, gives to my life a new meaning. DECEMBER 18 HONESTY WITH NEWCOMERS 'ell him exactly what happened to you. Stress the spiritual feature freely. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 93 The marvel of A.A. is that I tell only what happened to me. I don't waste time offering advice to potential newcomers, for if advice worked, nobody would get to A.A. All I have to do is show what has brought me sobriety and what has changed my life. If I fail to stress the spiritual feature of A.A.'s program, I am being dishonest. The newcomer should not be given a false impression of sobriety. I am sober only through the grace of my Higher Power, and that makes it possible for me to share with others. DECEMBER 19 UNDERSTANDING THE MALADY When dealing with an alcoholic, there may be a natural annoyance that a man could be so weak, stupid and irresponsible. Even when you understand the malady better, you may feel this feeling rising. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 139 Having suffered from alcoholism, I should understand the illness, but sometimes I feel annoyance, even contempt, toward a person who cannot make it in A.A. When I feel that way, I am satisfying my false sense of superiority and I must remember, but for the grace of God, there go I. DECEMBER 20 THE REWARDS OF GIVING This is indeed the kind of giving that actually demands nothing. He does not expect his brother sufferer to pay him, or even to love him. And then he discovers that by the divine paradox of this kind of giving he has found his own reward, whether his brother has yet received anything or not. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 109 Through experience with Twelfth Step work, I came to understand the rewards of giving that demands nothing in return. At first I expected recovery in others, but I soon learned that this did not happen. Once I acquired the humility to accept the fact that every Twelfth Step call was not going to result in a success, then I was open to receive the rewards of selfless giving. DECEMBER 21 LISTEN, SHARE AND PRAY When working with a man and his family, you should take care not to participate in their quarrels. You may spoil your chance of being helpful if you do. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 100 When trying to help a fellow alcoholic, I've given in to an impulse to give advice, and perhaps that's inevitable. But allowing others the right to be wrong reaps its own benefits. The best I can do and it sounds easier than it is to put into practice is to listen, share personal experience, and pray for others. DECEMBER 22 PRINCIPLES, NOT PERSONALITIES The way our \"worthy\" alcoholics have sometimes tried to judge the \"less worthy\" is, as we look back on it, rather comical. Imagine, if you can, one alcoholic judging another! THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 37 Who am I to judge anyone? When I first entered the Fellowship I found that I liked everyone. After all, A.A. was going to help me to a better way of life without alcohol. The reality was that I couldn't possibly like everyone, nor they me. As I've grown in the Fellowship, I've learned to love everyone just from listening to what they had to say. That person over there, or the one right here, may be the one God has chosen to give me the message I need for today. I must always remember to place principles above personalities. DECEMBER 23 RECOVERY, UNITY, SERVICE Our Twelfth Stepcarrying the messageis the basic service that AA's Fellowship gives; this is our principal aim and the main reason for our existence. THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 160 I thank God for those who came before me, those who told me not to forget the Three Legacies: Recovery, Unity and Service. In my home group, the Three Legacies were described on a sign which said: \"You take a three-legged stool, try to balance it on only one leg, or two. Our Three Legacies must be kept intact. In Recovery, we get sober together; in Unity, we work together for the good of our Steps and Traditions; and through Servicewe give away freely what has been given to us.\" One of the chief gifts of my life has been to know that I will have no message to give, unless I recover in unity with A.A. principles. DECEMBER 24 A \"SANE AND HAPPY USEFULNESS\" We have come to believe He would like us to keep our heads in the clouds with Him, but that our feet ought to be firmly planted on earth. That is where our fellow travelers are, and that is where our work must be done. These are the realities for us. W e have found nothing incompatible between a powerful spiritual experience and a life of sane and happy usefulness ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 130 All the prayer and meditation in the world will not help me unless they are accompanied by action. Practicing the principles in all my affairs shows me the care that God takes in all parts of my life. God appears in my world when I move aside, and allow Him to step into it. DECEMBER 25 AT PEACE WITH LIFE Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities \"How can I best serve TheeThy will (not mine) be done.\" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 I read this passage each morning, to start off my day, because it is a continual reminder to \"practice these principles in all my affairs.\" When I keep God's will at the forefront of my mind, I am able to do what I should be doing, and that puts me at peace with life, with myself and with God. DECEMBER 26 ACCEPTING SUCCESS OR FAILURE Furthermore, how shall we come to terms with seeming failure or success? Can we now accept and adjust to either without despair or pride? Can we accept poverty, sickness, loneliness, and bereavement with courage and serenity? Can we steadfastly content ourselves with the humbler, yet sometimes more durable, satisfactions when the brighter, more glittering achievements are denied us? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 112 After I found A.A. and stopped drinking, it took a while before I understood why the First Step contained two parts: my powerlessness over alcohol, and my life's unmanageability. In the same way, I believed for a long time that, in order to be in tune with the Twelve Steps, it was enough for me \"to carry this message to alcoholics.\" That was rushing things. I was forgetting that there were a total of Twelve Steps and that the Twelfth Step also had more than one part. Eventually I learned that it was necessary for me to \"practice these principles\" in all areas of my life. In working all the Steps thoroughly, I not only stay sober and help someone else to achieve sobriety, but also I transform my difficulty with living into a joy of living. DECEMBER 27 PROBLEM SOLVING \"Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems.\" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 42 Through the recovery process described in the Big Book, I have come to realize that the same instructions that work on my alcoholism, work on much more. Whenever I am angry or frustrated, I consider the matter a manifestation of the main problem within me, alcoholism. As I \"walk\" through the Steps, my difficulty is usually dealt with long before I reach the Twelfth \"suggestion,\" and those difficulties that persist are remedied when I make an effort to carry the message to someone else. These principles do solve my problems! I have not encountered an exception, and I have been brought to a way of living which is satisfying and useful. DECEMBER 28 SUIT UP AND SHOW UP In A.A. we aim not only for sobrietywe try again to become citizens of the world that we rejected, and of the world that once rejected us. This is the ultimate demonstration toward which Twelfth Step work is the first but not the final step. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 21 The old line says, \"Suit up and show up.\" That action is so important that I like to think of it as my motto. I can choose each day to suit up and show up, or not. Showing up at meetings starts me toward feeling a part of that meeting, for then I can do what I say I'll do at meetings. I can talk with newcomers, and I can share my experience; that's what credibility, honesty, and courtesy really are. Suiting up and showing up are the concrete actions I take in my ongoing return to normal living. DECEMBER 29 THE JOY OF LIVING . . . therefore the joy of good living is the theme of A.A.'s Twelfth Step. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 125 A.A. is a joyful program! Even so, I occasionally balk at taking the necessary steps to move ahead, and find myself resisting the very actions that could bring about the joy I want. I would not resist if those actions did not touch some vulnerable area of my life, an area that needs hope and fulfillment. Repeated exposure to joyfulness has a way of softening the hard, outer edges of my ego. Therein lies the power of joyfulness to help all members of A.A. DECEMBER 30 ANONYMITY Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 564 Tradition Twelve became important early in my sobriety and, along with the Twelve Steps, it continues to be a must in my recovery. I became aware after I joined the Fellowship that I had personality problems, so that when I first heard it, the Tradition's message was very clear: there exists an immediate way for me to face, with others, my alcoholism and attendant anger, defensiveness, offensiveness. I saw Tradition Twelve as being a great ego-deflator; it relieved my anger and gave me a chance to utilize the principles of the program. All of the Steps, and this particular Tradition, have guided me over decades of continuous sobriety. I am grateful to those who were here when I needed them. DECEMBER 31 DAILY RESOLUTIONS The idea of \"twenty-four-hour living\" applies primarily to the emotional life of the individual. Emotionally speaking, we must not live in yesterday, nor in tomorrow. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 284 A New Year: 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutesa time to consider directions, goals, and actions. I must make some plans to live a normal life, but also I must live emotionally within a twenty-four-hour frame, for if I do, I don't have to make New Year's resolutions! I can make every day a New Year's day! I can decide, \"Today I will do this . . . Today I will do that.\" Each day I can measure my life by trying to do a little better, by deciding to follow God's will and by making an effort to put the principles of our A.A. program into action.", "source": {"title": "AA-Daily-Reflections.pdf", "extraction_date": "2024-12-22T15:50:08.910560", "total_pages": 374}, "section_index": 0, "qa_type": "summary", "timestamp": "2024-12-22T15:50:12.842045"}
{"question": "What recovery principles or concepts are discussed in this section of AA-Daily-Reflections.pdf?", "answer": "JANUARY 1 \"I AM A MIRACLE\" The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 25 This truly is a fact in my life today, and a real miracle. I always believed in God, but could never put that belief meaningfully into my life. Today, because of Alcoholics Anonymous, I now trust and rely on God, as I understand Him; I am sober today because of that! Learning to trust and rely on God was something I could never have done alone. I now believe in miracles because I am one! JANUARY 2 FIRST, THE FOUNDATION Is sobriety all that we can expect of a spiritual awakening? No, sobriety is only a bare beginning. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 8 Practicing the A.A. program is like building a house. First I had to pour a big, thick concrete slab on which to erect the house; that, to me, was the equivalent of stopping drinking. But it's pretty uncomfortable living on a concrete slab, unprotected and exposed to the heat, cold, wind and rain. So I built a room on the slab by starting to practice the program. The first room was rickety because I wasn't used to the work. But as time passed, as I practiced the program, I learned to build better rooms. The more I practiced, and the more I built, the more comfortable, and happy, was the home I now have to live in. JANUARY 3 POWERLESS We admitted we were powerless over alcoholthat our lives had become unmanageable. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21 It is no coincidence that the very first Step mentions powerlessness: An admission of personal powerlessness over alcohol is a cornerstone of the foundation of recovery. I've learned that I do not have the power and control I once thought I had. I am powerless over what people think about me. I am powerless over having just missed the bus. I am powerless over how other people work (or don't work) the Steps. But I've also learned I am not powerless over some things. I am not powerless over my attitudes. I am not powerless over negativity. I am not powerless over assuming responsibility for my own recovery. I have the power to exert a positive influence on myself, my loved ones, and the world in which I live. JANUARY 4 BEGIN WHERE YOU ARE We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 19 It's usually pretty easy for me to be pleasant to the people in an A.A. setting. While I'm working to stay sober, I'm celebrating with my fellow A.A .S our common release from the hell of drinking. It's often not so hard to spread glad tidings to my old and new friends in the program. At home or at work, though, it can be a different story. It is in situations arising in both of those areas that the little day-to-day frustrations are most evident, and where it can be tough to smile or reach out with a kind word or an attentive ear. It's outside of the A.A. rooms that I face the real test of the effectiveness of my walk through A.A.'s Twelve Steps. JANUARY 5 TOTAL ACCEPTANCE He cannot picture life without alcohol Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 152 Only an alcoholic can understand the exact meaning of a statement like this one. The double standard that held me captive as an active alcoholic also filled me with terror and confusion: \"If I don't get a drink I'm going to die,\" competed with \"If I continue drinking it's going to kill me.\" Both compulsive thoughts pushed me ever closer to the bottom. That bottom produced a total acceptance of my alcoholismwith no reservations whatsoeverand one that was absolutely essential for my recovery. It was a dilemma unlike anything I had ever faced, but as I found out later on, a necessary one if I was to succeed in this program. JANUARY 6 THE VICTORY OF SURRENDER We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personal powerlessness finally turn out to be firm bedrock upon which happy and purposeful lives may be built TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21 When alcohol influenced every facet of my life, when bottles became the symbol of all my self-indulgence and permissiveness, when I came to realize that, by myself, I could do nothing to overcome the power of alcohol, I realized I had no recourse except surrender. In surrender I found victoryvictory over my selfish self-indulgence, victory over my stubborn resistance to life as it was given to me. When I stopped fighting anybody or anything, I started on the path to sobriety, serenity and peace. JANUARY 7 AT THE TURNING POINT Half measures availed us nothing. W e stood at the turning point. W e asked His protection and care with complete abandon. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59 Every day I stand at turning points. My thoughts and actions can propel me toward growth or turn me down the road to old habits and to booze. Sometimes turning points are beginnings, as when I decide to start praising, instead of condemning someone. Or when I begin to ask for help instead of going it alone. At other times turning points are endings, such as when I see clearly the need to stop festering resentments or crippling self-seeking. Many shortcomings tempt me daily; therefore, I also have daily opportunities to become aware of them. In one form or another, many of my character defects appear daily: self-condemnation, anger, running away, being prideful, wanting to get even, or acting out of grandiosity. Attempting half measures to eliminate these defects merely paralyzes my efforts to change. It is only when I ask God for help, with complete abandon, that I become willingand ableto change. JANUARY 8 DO I HAVE A CHOICE? The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 24 My powerlessness over alcohol does not cease when I quit drinking. In sobriety I still have no choiceI can't drink. The choice I do have is to pick up and use the \"kit of spiritual tools\" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 25). When I do that, my Higher Power relieves me of my lack of choice and keeps me sober one more day. If I could choose not to pick up a drink today, where then would be my need for A.A. or a Higher Power? JANUARY 9 AN ACT OF PROVIDENCE It is truly awful to admit that, glass in hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of Providence can remove it from us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21 My act of Providence, (a manifestation of divine care and direction), came as I experienced the total bankruptcy of active alcoholismeverything meaningful in my life was gone. I telephoned Alcoholics Anonymous and, from that instant, my life has never been the same. When I reflect on that very special moment, I know that God was working in my life long before I was able to acknowledge and accept spiritual concepts. The glass was put down through this one act of Providence and my journey into sobriety began. My life continues to unfold with divine care and direction. Step One, in which I admitted I was powerless over alcohol, that my life had become unmanageable, takes on more meaning for meone day at a timein the life-saving, life-giving Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. JANUARY 10 UNITED WE STAND We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 30 I came to Alcoholics Anonymous because I was no longer able to control my drinking. It was either my wife's complaining about my drinking, or maybe the sheriff forced me to go to A.A. meetings, or perhaps I knew, deep down inside, that I couldn't drink like others, but I was unwilling to admit it because the alternative terrified me. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women united against a common, fatal disease. Each one of our lives is linked to every other, much like the survivors on a life raft at sea. If we all work together, we can get safely to shore. JANUARY 11 THE 100% STEP Only Step One, where we made the 100 percent admission we were powerless over alcohol can be practiced with absolute perfection. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 68 Long before I was able to obtain sobriety in A.A., I knew without a doubt that alcohol was killing me, yet even with this knowledge, I was unable to stop drinking. So, when faced with Step One, I found it easy to admit that I lacked the power to not drink. But was my life unmanageable? Never! Five months after coming into A.A., I was drinking again and wondered why. Later on, back in A.A. and smarting from my wounds, I learned that Step One is the only Step that can be taken 100%. And that the only way to take it 100% is to take 100% of the Step. That was many twenty-four hours ago and I haven't had to take Step One again. JANUARY 12 ACCEPTING OUR PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to that unflattering point of departure. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives. Provided we strenuously avoid turning these realistic surveys of the facts of life into unrealistic alibis for apathy or defeatism, they can be the sure foundation upon which increased emotional health and therefore spiritual progress can be built. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 44 When I am having a difficult time accepting people, places or events, I turn to this passage and it relieves me of many an underlying fear regarding others, or situations life presents me. The thought allows me to be human and not perfect, and to regain my peace of mind. JANUARY 13 IT DOESN'T HAPPEN OVERNIGHT We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 The most common alcoholic fantasy seems to be: \"If I just don't drink, everything will be all right.\" Once the fog cleared for me, I sawfor the first timethe mess my life had become. I had family, work, financial and legal problems; I was hung up on old religious ideas; there were sides of my character to which I was inclined to stay blind because they easily could have convinced me that I was hopeless and pushed me toward escape again. The Big Book guided me in resolving all of my problems. But it didn't happen overnightand certainly not automaticallywith no effort on my part. I need always to recognize God's mercy and blessings that shine through any problem I have to face. JANUARY 14 NO REGRETS W e will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83 Once I became sober, I began to see how wasteful my life had been and I experienced overwhelming guilt and feelings of regret. The program's Fourth and Fifth Steps assisted me enormously in healing those troubling regrets. I learned that my self-centeredness and dishonesty stemmed largely from my drinking and that I drank because I was an alcoholic. Now I see how even my most distasteful past experiences can turn to gold because, as a sober alcoholic, I can share them to help my fellow alcoholics, particularly newcomers. Sober for several years in A.A., I no longer regret the past; I am simply grateful to be conscious of God's love and of the help I can give to others in the Fellowship. JANUARY 15 AN UNSUSPECTED INNER RESOURCE With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 569-70 From my first days in A.A., as I struggled for sobriety, I found hope in these words from our founders. I often pondered the phrase: \"they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource.\" How, I asked myself, can I find the Power within myself, since I am so powerless? In time, as the founders promised, it came to me: I have always had the choice between goodness and evil, between unselfishness and selfishness, between serenity and fear. That Power greater than myself is an original gift that I did not recognize until I achieved daily sobriety through living A.A.'s Twelve Steps. JANUARY 16 HITTING BOTTOM Why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottom first? The answer is that few people will sincerely try to practice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom. For practicing A. A. 's remaining eleven Steps means the adoption of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic who is still drinking can dream of taking. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 24 Hitting bottom opened my mind and I became willing to try something different. What I tried was A.A. My new life in the Fellowship was a little like learning how to ride a bike for the first time: A.A. became my training wheels and my supporting hand. It's not that I wanted the help so much at the time; I simply did not want to hurt like that again. My desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful than my desire to drink. In the beginning that was what kept me sober. But after a while I found myself working the Steps to the best of my ability. I soon realized that my attitudes and actions were changingif ever so slightly. One Day at a Time, I became comfortable with myself, and others, and my hurting started to heal. Thank God for the training wheels and supporting hand that I choose to call Alcoholics Anonymous. JANUARY 17 HAPPINESS COMES QUIETLY \"The trouble with us alcoholics was this: W e demanded that the world give us happiness and peace of mind in just the particular order we wanted to get itby the alcohol route. And we weren't successful. But when we take time to find out some of the spiritual laws, and familiarize ourselves with them, and put them into practice, then we do get happiness and peace of mind. . . . There seem to be some rules that we have to follow, but happiness and peace of mind are always here, open and free to anyone.\" DR. BOB AND THE GOOD OLDTIMERS, p. 308 The simplicity of the A. A. program teaches me that happiness isn't something I can \"demand.\" It comes upon me quietly, while I serve others. In offering my hand to the newcomer or to someone who has relapsed, I find that my own sobriety has been recharged with indescribable gratitude and happiness. JANUARY 18 WOULD A DRINK HELP? By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 23 When I was still drinking, I couldn't respond to any of life's situations the way other, more healthy, people could. The smallest incident triggered a state of mind that believed I had to have a drink to numb my feelings. But the numbing did not improve the situation, so I sought further escape in the bottle. Today I must be aware of my alcoholism. I cannot afford to believe that I have gained control of my drinkingor again I will think I have gained control of my life. Such a feeling of control is fatal to my recovery. JANUARY 19 ROUND-THE-CLOCK FAITH Faith has to work twenty-four hours a day in and through us, or we perish. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 16 The essence of my spirituality, and my sobriety, rests on a round-the-clock faith in a Higher Power. I need to remember and rely on the God of my understanding as I pursue all of my daily activities. How comforting for me is the concept that God works in and through people. As I pause in my day, do I recall specific concrete examples of God's presence? Am I amazed and uplifted by the number of times this power is evident? I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my God's presence in my life of recovery. Without this omnipotent force in my every activity, I would again fall into the depths of my diseaseand death. JANUARY 20 \"WE PAUSE . . . AND ASK\" As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 87 Today I humbly ask my Higher Power for the grace to find the space between my impulse and my action; to let flow a cooling breeze when I would respond with heat; to interrupt fierceness with gentle peace; to accept the moment which allows judgment to become discernment; to defer to silence when my tongue would rush to attack or defend. I promise to watch for every opportunity to turn toward my Higher Power for guidance. I know where this power is: it resides within me, as clear as a mountain brook, hidden in the hillsit is the unsuspected Inner Resource. I thank my Higher Power for this world of light and truth I see when I allow it to direct my vision. I trust it today and hope it trusts me to make all effort to find the right thought or action today. JANUARY 21 SERVING MY BROTHER The member talks to the newcomer not in a spirit of power but in a spirit of humility and weakness. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS COMES OF AGE p. 279 As the days pass in A.A., I ask God to guide my thoughts and the words that I speak. In this labor of continuous participation in the Fellowship, I have numerous opportunities to speak. So I frequently ask God to help me watch over my thoughts and my words, that they may be the true and proper reflections of our program; to focus my aspirations once again to seek His guidance; to help me be truly kind and loving, helpful and healing, yet always filled with humility, and free from any trace of arrogance. Today I may very well have to deal with disagreeable attitudes or utterancesthe typical stock-in-trade attitude of the still-suffering alcoholic. If this should happen, I will take a moment to center myself in God, so that I will be able to respond from a perspective of composure, strength and sensibility. JANUARY 22 \"LET'S KEEP IT SIMPLE\" A few hours later I took my leave of Dr. Bob. . . . The wonderful, old, broad smile was on his face as he said almost jokingly, \"Remember, Bill, let's not louse this thing up. Let's keep it simple!\" I turned away, unable to say a word. That was the last time I ever saw him. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS COMES OF AGE, p. 214 After years of sobriety I occasionally ask myself: \"Can it be this simple?\" Then, at meetings, I see former cynics and skeptics who have walked the A. A. path out of hell by packaging their lives, without alcohol, into twenty-four hour segments, during which they practice a few principles to the best of their individual abilities. And then I know again that, while it isn't always easy, if I keep it simple, it works. JANUARY 23 HAVING FUN YET? . . . we aren't a glum lot. If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn't want it. W e absolutely insist on enjoying life. W e try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world's troubles on our shoulders ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 132 When my own house is in order, I find the different parts of my life are more manageable. Stripped from the guilt and remorse that cloaked my drinking years, I am free to assume my proper role in the universe, but this condition requires maintenance. I should stop and ask myself, Am I having fun yet? If I find answering that question difficult or painful, perhaps I'm taking myself too seriouslyand find-ing it difficult to admit that I've strayed from my practice of working the program to keep my house in order. I think the pain I experience is one way my Higher Power has to get my attention, coaxing me to take stock of my performance. The slight time and effort it takes to work the programa spot-check inventory, for example, or the making of amends, whatever is appropriateare well worth the effort. JANUARY 24 GETTING INVOLVED There is action and more action. \"Faith without works is dead.\" . . . T o be helpful is our only aim. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 88-89 I understand that service is a vital part of recovery but I often wonder, \"What can I do?\" Simply start with what I have today! I look around to see where there is a need. Are the ashtrays full? Do I have hands and feet to empty them? Suddenly I'm involved! The best speaker may make the worst coffee; the member who's best with newcomers may be unable to read; the one willing to clean up may make a mess of the bank accountyet every one of these people and jobs is essential to an active group. The miracle of service is this: when I use what I have, I find there is more available to me than I realized before. JANUARY 25 WHAT WE NEEDEACH OTHER . . . A.A. is really saying to every serious drinker, \"You are an A.A. member if you say so . . . nobody can keep you out.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 139 For years, whenever I reflected on Tradition Three (\"The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking\"), I thought it valuable only to newcomers. It was their guarantee that no one could bar them from A.A. Today I feel enduring gratitude for the spiritual development the Tradition has brought me. I don't seek out people obviously different from myself. Tradition Three, concentrating on the one way I am similar to others, brought me to know and help every kind of alcoholic, just as they have helped me. Charlotte, the atheist, showed me higher standards of ethics and honor; Clay, of another race, taught me patience; Winslow, who is gay, led me by example into true compassion; Young Megan says that seeing me at meetings, sober thirty years, keeps her coming back. Tradition Three insured that we would get what we needeach other. JANUARY 26 RIGOROUS HONESTY Who wishes to be rigorously honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess his faults to another and make restitution for harm done? Who cares anything about a Higher Power, let alone meditation and prayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and energy in trying to carry A.A. 's message to the next sufferer? No, the average alcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn't care for this prospectunless he has to do these things in order to stay alive himself. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 24 I am an alcoholic. If I drink I will die. My, what power, energy, and emotion this simple statement generates in me! But it's really all I need to know for today. Am I willing to stay alive today? Am I willing to stay sober today? Am I willing to ask for help and am I willing to be a help to another suffering alcoholic today? Have I discovered the fatal nature of my situation? What must I do, today, to stay sober? JANUARY 27 FREEDOM FROM GUILT Where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word \"blame\" from our speech and thought. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 47 When I become willing to accept my own powerlessness, I begin to realize that blaming myself for all the trouble in my life can be an ego trip back into hopelessness. Asking for help and listening deeply to the messages inherent in the Steps and Traditions of the program make it possible to change those attitudes which delay my recovery. Before joining A.A., I had such a desire for approval from people in powerful positions that I was willing to sacrifice myself, and others, to gain a foothold in the world. I invariably came to grief. In the program I find true friends who love, understand, and care to help me learn the truth about myself. With the help of the Twelve Steps, I am able to build a better life, free of guilt and the need for self-justification. JANUARY 28 THE TREASURE OF THE PAST Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you havethe key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 124 What a gift it is for me to realize that all those seemingly useless years were not wasted. The most degrading and humiliating experiences turn out to be the most powerful tools in helping others to recover. In knowing the depths of shame and despair, I can reach out with a loving and compassionate hand, and know that the grace of God is available to me. JANUARY 29 THE JOY OF SHARING Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friendsthis is an experience you must not miss. W e know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 89 To know that each newcomer with whom I share has the opportunity to experience the relief that I have found in this Fellowship fills me with joy and gratitude. I feel that all the things described in A.A. will come to pass for them, as they have for me, if they seize the opportunity and embrace the program fully. JANUARY 30 FREEDOM FROM . . . FREEDOM TO We are going to know a new freedom. . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83 Freedom for me is both freedom from and freedom to. The first freedom I enjoy is freedom from the slavery of alcohol. What a relief! Then I begin to experience freedom from fearfear of people, of economic insecurity, of commitment, of failure, of rejection. Then I begin to enjoy freedom tofreedom to choose sobriety for today, freedom to be myself, freedom to express my opinion, to experience peace of mind, to love and be loved, and freedom to grow spiritually. But how can I achieve these freedoms? The Big Book clearly says that before I am halfway through making amends, I will begin to know a \"new\" freedom; not the old freedom of doing what I pleased, without regard to others, but the new freedom that allows fulfillment of the promises in my life. What a joy to be free! JANUARY 31 OUR COMMON WELFARE COMES FIRST The unity of Alcoholics Anonymous is the most cherished quality our Society has . . . W e stay whole, or A. A. dies TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 129 Our Traditions are key elements in the ego deflation process necessary to achieve and maintain sobriety in Alcoholics Anonymous. The First Tradition reminds me not to take credit, or authority, for my recovery. Placing our common welfare first reminds me not to become a healer in this program; I am still one of the patients. Self-effacing elders built the ward. Without it, I doubt I would be alive. Without the group, few alcoholics would recover. The active role in renewed surrender of will enables me to step aside from the need to dominate, the desire for recognition, both of which played so great a part in my active alcoholism. Deferring my personal desires for the greater good of group growth contributes toward A.A. unity that is central to all recovery. It helps me to remember that the whole is greater than the sum of all its parts.  FEBRUARY 1 GOAL: SANITY \". . . Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can't say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 27 \"Came to believe!\" I gave lip service to my belief when I felt like it or when I thought it would look good. I didn't really trust God. I didn't believe He cared for me. I kept trying to change things I couldn't change. Gradually, in disgust, I began to turn it all over, saying: \"You're so omnipotent, you take care of it.\" He did. I began to receive answers to my deepest problems, sometimes at the most unusual times: driving to work, eating lunch, or when I was sound asleep. I realized that I hadn't thought of those solutionsa Power greater than myself had given them to me. I came to believe. FEBRUARY 2 RESCUED BY SURRENDERING Characteristic of the so-called typical alcoholic is a narcissistic egocentric core, dominated by feelings of omnipotence, intent on maintaining at all costs its inner integrity. . . . Inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from man or God He, the alcoholic, is and must be the master of his destiny. He will fight to the end to preserve that position. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 311 The great mystery is: \"Why do some of us die alcoholic deaths, fighting to preserve the 'independence' of our ego, while others seem to sober up effortlessly in A.A.?\" Help from a Higher Power, the gift of sobriety, came to me when an otherwise unexplained desire to stop drinking coincided with my willingness to accept the suggestions of the men and women of A.A. I had to surrender, for only by reaching out to God and my fellows could I be rescued. FEBRUARY 3 FILLING THE VOID We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. \"Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?\" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 47 I was always fascinated with the study of scientific principles. I was emotionally and physically distant from people while I pursued Absolute Knowledge. God and spirituality were meaningless academic exercises. I was a modern man of science, knowledge was my Higher Power. Given the right set of equations, life was merely another problem to solve. Yet my inner self was dying from my outer man's solution to life's problems and the solution was alcohol. In spite of my intelligence, alcohol became my Higher Power. It was through the unconditional love which emanated from A.A. people and meetings that I was able to discard alcohol as my Higher Power. The great void was filled. I was no longer lonely and apart from life. I had found a true power greater than myself, I had found God's love. There is only one equation which really matters to me now: God is in A.A. FEBRUARY 4 WHEN FAITH IS MISSING Sometimes A.A. comes harder to those who have lost or rejected faith than to those who never had any faith at all, for they think they have tried faith and found it wanting. They have tried the way of faith and the way of no faith. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 28 I was so sure God had failed me that I became ultimately defiant, though I knew better, and plunged into a final drinking binge. My faith turned bitter and that was no coincidence. Those who once had great faith hit bottom harder. It took time to rekindle my faith, though I came to A.A. I was grateful intellectually to have survived such a great fall, but my heart felt callous. Still, I stuck with the A.A. program; the alternatives were too bleak! I kept coming back and gradually my faith was resurrected. FEBRUARY 5 A GLORIOUS RELEASE \"The minute I stopped arguing, I could begin to see and feel Right there, Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can't say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now. T o acquire it, I had only to stop fighting and practice the rest of A.A. 's pro-gram as enthusiastically as I could.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 27 After years of indulging in a \"self-will run riot,\" Step Two became for me a glorious release from being all alone. Nothing is so painful or insurmountable in my journey now. Someone is always there to share life's burdens with me. Step Two became a reinforcement with God, and I now realize that my insanity and ego were curiously linked. To rid myself of the former, I must give up the latter to one with far broader shoulders than my own. FEBRUARY 6 A RALLYING POINT Therefore, Step Two is the rallying point for all of us. Whether agnostic, atheist, or former believer, we can stand together on this Step. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 33 I feel that A.A. is a God-inspired program and that God is at every A.A. meeting. I see, believe, and have come to know that A.A. works, because I have stayed sober today. I am turning my life over to A.A. and to God by going to an A.A. meeting. If God is in my heart and everyone else's, then I am a small part of a whole and I am not unique. If God is in my heart and He speaks to me through other people, then I must be a channel of God to other people. I should seek to do His will by living spiritual principles and my reward will be sanity and emotional sobriety. FEBRUARY 7 A PATH TO FAITH True humility and an open mind can lead us to faith, and every A.A. meeting is an assurance that God will restore us to sanity if we rightly relate ourselves to Him. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 33 My last drunk had landed me in the hospital, totally broken. It was then that I was able to see my past float in front of me. I realized that, through drinking, I had lived every nightmare I had ever had. My own self-will and obsession to drink had driven me into a dark pit of hallucinations, blackouts and despair. Finally beaten, I asked for God's help. His presence told me to believe. My obsession for alcohol was taken away and my paranoia has since been lifted. I am no longer afraid. I know my life is healthy and sane. FEBRUARY 8 CONVINCING \"MR. HYDE\" Even then, as we hew away, peace and joy w ill still elude us. That's the place so many of us A. A. oldsters have come to. And it's a hell of a spot, literally. How shall our unconsciousfrom which so many of our fears, compulsions and phony aspirations still stream be brought into line with what we actually believe, know and want! How to convince our dumb, raging and hidden \"Mr. Hyde\" becomes our main task. THE BEST OF BILL, pp. 42-43 Regular attendance at meetings, serving and helping others is the recipe that many have tried and found to be successful. Whenever I stray from these basic principles, my old habits resurface and my old self also comes back with all its fears and defects. The ultimate goal of each A.A. member is permanent sobriety, achieved One Day at a Time. FEBRUARY 9 GETTING THE \"SPIRITUAL ANGLE\" How often do we sit in AA meetings and hear the speaker declare, \"But I haven't yet got the spiritual angle.\" Prior to this statement, he had described a miracle of transformation which had occurred in himnot only his release from alcohol, but a complete change in his whole attitude toward life and the living of it It is apparent to nearly everyone else present that he has received a great gift; \" . . . except that he doesn't seem to know it yet!\" W e well know that this questioning individual will tell us six months or a year hence that he has found faith in God. LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 275 A spiritual experience can be the realization that a life which once seemed empty and devoid of meaning is now joyous and full. In my life today, daily prayer and meditation, coupled with living the Twelve Steps, has brought about an inner peace and feeling of belonging which was missing when I was drinking. FEBRUARY 10 I DON'T RUN THE SHOW When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't What was our choice to be? ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 53 Today my choice is God. He is everything. For this I am truly grateful. When I think I am running the show I am blocking God from my life. I pray I can remember this when I allow myself to get caught up into self. The most important thing is that today I am willing to grow along spiritual lines, and that God is everything. When I was trying to quit drinking on my own, it never worked; with God and A.A., it is working. This seems to be a simple thought for a complicated alcoholic. FEBRUARY 11 THE LIMITS OF SELF-RELIANCE We asked ourselves why we had them [fears]. Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 68 All of my character defects separate me from God's will. When I ignore my association with Him I face the world and my alcoholism alone and must depend on self-reliance. I have never found security and happiness through self-will and the only result is a life of fear and discontent. God provides the path back to Him and to His gift of serenity and comfort. First, however, I must be willing to ac-knowledge my fears and understand their source and power over me. I frequently ask God to help me understand how I separate myself from Him. FEBRUARY 12 \"THE ROOT OF OUR TROUBLES\" Selfishnessself-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62 How amazing the revelation that the world, and everyone in it, can get along just fine with or without me. What a relief to know that people, places and things will be perfectly okay without my control and direction. And how wordlessly wonderful to come to believe that a power greater than me exists separate and apart from myself. I believe that the feeling of separation I experience between me and God will one day vanish. In the meantime, faith must serve as the pathway to the center of my life. FEBRUARY 13 WE CAN'T THINK OUR WAY SOBER To the intellectually self-sufficient man or woman, many A. A.'s can say, \" Ye s , we were like youfar too smart for our own good. . . . Secretly, we felt we could float above the rest of the folks on our brain power alone.\" AS BILL SEES IT, p. 60 Even the most brilliant mind is no defense against the disease of alcoholism. I can't think my way sober. I try to remember that intelligence is a God-given attribute that I may use, a joylike having a talent for dancing or drawing or carpentry. It does not make me better than anyone else, and it is not a particularly reliable tool for recovery, for it is a power greater than myself who will restore me to sanitynot a high IQ or a college degree. FEBRUARY 14 EXPECTATIONS vs. DEMANDS Burn the idea into the consciousness of ever, man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98 Dealing with expectations is a frequent topic at meetings. It isn't wrong to expect progress of myself, good things from life, or decent treatment from others. Where I get into trouble is when my expectations become demands. I will fall short of what I wish to be and situations will go in ways I do not like, because people will let me down sometimes. The only question is: \"What am I going to do about it?\" Wallow in self-pity or anger; retaliate and make a bad situation worse; or will I trust in God's power to bring blessings on the messes in which I find myself? Will I ask Him what I should be learning; do I keep on doing the right things I know how to do, no matter what; do I take time to share my faith and blessings with others? FEBRUARY 15 TAKING ACTION Are these extravagant promises? W e think not They are being fulfilled among ussometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 One of the most important things A.A. has given me, in addition to freedom from booze, is the ability to take \"right action.\" It says the promises will always materialize if I work for them. Fantasizing about them, debating them, preaching about them and faking them just won't work. I'll remain a miserable, rationalizing dry drunk. By taking action and working the Twelve Steps in all my affairs, I'll have a life beyond my wildest dreams. FEBRUARY 16 COMMITMENT Understanding is the key to right principles and attitudes, and right action is the key to good living. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 125 There came a time in my program of recovery when the third stanza of the Serenity Prayer\"The wisdom to know the difference\"became indelibly imprinted in my mind. From that time on, I had to face the ever-present knowledge that my every action, word and thought was within, or outside, the principles of the program. I could no longer hide behind self-rationalization, nor behind the insanity of my disease. The only course open to me, if I was to attain a joyous life for myself (and subsequently for those I love), was one in which I imposed on myself an effort of commitment, discipline, and responsibility. FEBRUARY 17 THE LOVE IN THEIR EYES Some of us won't believe in God, others can't, and still others who do believe that God exists have no faith whatever He will perform this miracle. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 25 It was the changes I saw in the new people who came into the Fellowship that helped me lose my fear, and change my negative attitude to a positive one. I could see the love in their eyes and I was impressed by how much their \"One Day at a Time\" sobriety meant to them. They had looked squarely at Step Two and came to believe that a power greater than themselves was restoring them to sanity. That gave me faith in the Fellowship, and hope that it could work for me too. I found that God was a loving God, not that punishing God I feared before coming to A.A. I also found that He had been with me during all those times I had been in trouble before I came to A.A. I know today that He was the one who led me to A.A. and that I am a miracle. FEBRUARY 18 OUR PATHS ARE OUR OWN . . . there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 25 My first attempt at the Steps was one of obligation and necessity, which resulted in a deep feeling of discouragement in the face of all those adverbs: courageously; completely; humbly; directly; and only. I considered Bill W. fortunate to have gone through such a major, even sensational, spiritual experience. I had to discover, as time went on, that my path was my own. After a few twenty-four hours in the A.A. Fellowship, thanks especially to the sharing of members in the meetings, I understood that everyone gradually finds his or her own pace in moving through the Steps. Through progressive means, I try to live according to these suggested principles. As a result of these Steps, I can say today that my attitude towards life, people, and towards anything having to do with God, has been transformed and improved. FEBRUARY 19 I'M NOT DIFFERENT In the beginning, it was four whole years before A. A. brought permanent sobriety to even one alcoholic woman. Like the \"high bottoms,\" the women said they were different; . . . The Skid-Rower said he was different . . . so did the artists and the professional people, the rich, the poor, the religious, the agnostic, the Indians and the Eskimos, the veterans, and the prisoners . . . nowadays all of these, and legions more, soberly talk about how very much alike all of us alcoholics are when we admit that the chips are finally down. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 24 I cannot consider myself \"different\" in A. A.; if I do I isolate myself from others and from contact with my Higher Power. If I feel isolated in A.A., it is not something for which others are responsible. It is something I've created by feeling I'm \"different\" in some way. Today I practice being just another alcoholic in the worldwide Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. FEBRUARY 20 THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER At this juncture, his A.A. sponsor usually laughs. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 26 Before my recovery from alcoholism began, laughter was one of the most painful sounds I knew. I never laughed and I felt that anyone else's laughter was directed at me! My self-pity and anger denied me the simplest of pleasures or lightness of heart. By the end of my drinking not even alcohol could provoke a drunken giggle in me. When my A.A. sponsor began to laugh and point out my self-pity and ego-feeding deceptions, I was annoyed and hurt, but it taught me to lighten up and focus on my recovery. I soon learned to laugh at myself and eventually I taught those I sponsor to laugh also. Every day I ask God to help me stop taking myself too seriously. FEBRUARY 21 I'M PART OF THE WHOLE At once, I became a partif only a tiny partof a cosmos. . . . AS BILL SEES IT, p. 225 When I first came to A.A., I decided that \"they\" were very nice peopleperhaps a little naive, a little too friendly, but basically decent, earnest people (with whom I had nothing in common). I saw \"them\" at meetingsafter all, that was where \"they\" existed. I shook hands with \"them\" and, when I went out the door, I forgot about \"them.\" Then one day my Higher Power, whom I did not then believe in, arranged to create a community project outside of A.A., but one which happened to involve many A.A. members. We worked together, I got to know \"them\" as people. I came to admire \"them,\" even to like \"them\" and, in spite of myself, to enjoy \"them.\" \"Their\" practice of the program in their daily livesnot just in talk at meetings attracted me and I wanted what they had. Suddenly the \"they\" became \"we.\" I have not had a drink since. FEBRUARY 22 GUIDANCE . . . this means a belief in a Creator who is all power, justice, and love; a God who intends for me a purpose, a meaning, and a destiny to grow, however . . . haltingly, toward His own likeness and image. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 51 As I began to understand my own powerlessness and my dependence on God, as I understand Him, I began to see that there was a life which, if I could have it, I would have chosen for myself from the beginning. It is through the continuing work of the Steps and the life in the Fellowship that I've learned to see that there is truly a better way into which I am being guided. As I come to know more about God, I am able to trust His ways and His plans for the development of His character in me. Quickly or not so quickly, I grow toward His own image and likeness. FEBRUARY 23 MYSTERIOUS PARADOXES Such is the paradox of A.A. regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, the loss of one's old life as a condition for finding a new one. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 46 What glorious mysteries paradoxes are! They do not compute, yet when recognized and accepted, they reaffirm something in the universe beyond human logic. When I face a fear, I am given courage; when I support a brother or sister, my capacity to love myself is increased; when I accept pain as part of the growing experience of life, I realize a greater happiness; when I look at my dark side, I am brought into new light; when I accept my vulnera-bilities and surrender to a Higher Power, I am graced with unforeseen strength. I stumbled through the doors of A.A. in disgrace, expecting nothing from life, and I have been given hope and dignity. Miraculously, the only way to keep the gifts of the program is to pass them on. FEBRUARY 24 A THANKFUL HEART / try to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37 My sponsor told me that I should be a grateful alcoholic and always have \"an attitude of gratitude\"that gratitude was the basic ingredient of humility, that humility was the basic ingredient of anonymity and that \"anonymity was the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.\" As a result of this guidance, I start every morning on my knees, thanking God for three things: I'm alive, I'm sober, and I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Then I try to live an \"attitude of gratitude\" and thoroughly enjoy another twenty-four hours of the A.A. way of life. A.A. is not something I joined; it's something I live. FEBRUARY 25 THE CHALLENGE OF FAILURE In God's economy, nothing is wasted. Through failure, we learn a lesson in humility which is probably needed, painful though it is. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 31 How thankful I am today, to know that all my past failures were necessary for me to be where I am now. Through much pain came experience and, in suffering, I became obedient. When I sought God, as I understand Him, He shared His treasured gifts. Through experience and obedience, growth started, followed by gratitude. Yes, then came peace of mindliving in and sharing sobriety. FEBRUARY 26 NO ORDINARY SUCCESS STORY A.A. is no success story in the ordinary sense of the word. It is a story of suffering transmuted, under grace, into spiritual progress. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 35 Upon entering A.A. I listened to others talk about the reality of their drinking: loneliness, terror and pain. As I listened further, I soon heard a description of a very different kindthe reality of sobriety. It is a reality of freedom and happiness, of purpose and direction, and of serenity and peace with God, ourselves and others. By attending meetings I am reintroduced to that reality, over and over. I see it in the eyes and hear it in the voices of those around me. By working the program I find the direction and strength with which to make it mine. The joy of A.A. is that this new reality is available to me. FEBRUARY 27 A UNIQUE STABILITY Where does A.A. get its direction? . . . These practical folk then read Tradition Two, and learn that the sole authority in A.A. is a loving God as He may express Himself in the group conscience. . . . The elder statesman is the one who sees the wisdom of the group's decision, who holds no resentment over his reduced status, whose judgment, fortified by considerable experience, is sound, and who is willing to sit quietly on the sidelines patiently awaiting developments TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 132, 135 Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions. As my recovery progressed, I realized that the new mantle was tailor-made for me. The elders of the group gently offered suggestions when change seemed impossible. Everyone's shared experiences became the substance for treasured friendships. I know that the Fellowship is ready and equipped to aid each suffering alcoholic at all crossroads in life. In a world beset by many problems, I find this assurance a unique stability. I cherish the gift of sobriety. I offer God my gratitude for the strength I receive in a Fellowship that truly exists for the good of all members. FEBRUARY 28 WHAT? NO PRESIDENT? When told that our Society has no president having authority to govern it, no treasurer who can compel the payment of any dues, . . . our friends gasp and exclaim, \"This simply can't be. . . .\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 132 When I finally made my way to A.A., I could not believe that there was no treasurer to \"compel the payment of dues.\" I could not imagine an organization that didn't require monetary contributions in return for a service. It was my first and, thus far, only experience with getting \"something for nothing.\" Because I did not feel used or conned by those in A.A., I was able to approach the program free from bias and with an open mind. They wanted nothing from me. What could I lose? I thank God for the wisdom of the early founders who knew so well the alcoholic's disdain for being manipulated. FEBRUARY 29 ONE A.A. MIRACLE Slave for a few brief moments of temptation the thought of drink has never returned; and at such times a great revulsion has risen up in him. Seemingly he could not drink even if he would. God had restored his sanity. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 57 The word \"God\" was frightening to me when I first saw it associated with A.A.'s Twelve Steps. Having tried all the means I could to stop drinking, I found that it was not possible for me to sustain that desire over a period of time. Yet, how could I believe in a \"God\" that had allowed me to sink to the deep despair that engulfed mewhether drinking or dry? The answer was in finally admitting that it might be possible for me to know the mercy of a Power greater than myself who could grant me sobriety contingent on my willingness to \"come to believe.\" By finally admitting that I was one among many, and by following the example of my sponsor and other A.A. members in practicing faith I did not have, my life has been given meaning, direction and purpose.  MARCH 1 IT WORKS It worksit really does. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 88 When I got sober I initially had faith only in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Desperation and fear kept me sober (and maybe a caring and/or tough sponsor helped!). Faith in a Higher Power came much later. This faith came slowly at first, after I began listening to others share at meetings about their experiencesexperiences that I had never faced sober, but that they were facing with strength from a Higher Power. Out of their sharing came hope that I too wouldand could\"get\" a Higher Power. In time, I learned that a Higher Powera faith that works under all conditionsis possible. Today this faith, plus the honesty, open-mindedness and willingness to work the Steps of the program, gives me the serenity that I seek. It worksit really does. MARCH 2 HOPE Do not be discouraged. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 60 Few experiences are of less value to me than fast sobriety. Too many times discouragement has been the bonus for unrealistic expectations, not to mention self-pity or fatigue from my wanting to change the world by the weekend. Discouragement is a warning signal that I may have wandered across the God line. The secret of fulfilling my potential is in acknowledging my limitations and believing that time is a gift, not a threat. Hope is the key that unlocks the door of discouragement. The program promises me that if I do not pick up the first drink today, I will always have hope. Having come to believe that I keep what I share, every time I encourage, I receive courage. It is with others that, with the grace of God and the Fellowship of A.A., I trudge the road of happy destiny. May I always remember that the power within me is far greater than any fear before me. May I always have patience, for I am on the right road. MARCH 3 OVERCOMING SELF-WILL So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. W e must, or it kills us! ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62 For so many years my life revolved solely around myself. I was consumed with self in all formsself-centeredness, self-pity, self-seeking, all of which stemmed from pride. Today I have been given the gift, through the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, of practicing the Steps and Traditions in my daily life, of my group and sponsor, and the capacityif I so chooseto put my pride aside in all situations which arise in my life. Until I could honestly look at myself and see that I was the problem in many situations and react appropriately inside and out; until I could discard my expectations and understand that my serenity was directly proportional to them, I could not experience serenity and sound sobriety. MARCH 4 WEEDING THE GARDEN The essence of all growth is a willingness to make a change for the better and then an unremitting willingness to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 115 By the time I had reached Step Three I had been freed of my dependence on alcohol, but bitter experience has shown me that continuous sobriety requires continuous effort. Every now and then I pause to take a good look at my progress. More and more of my garden is weeded each time I look, but each time I also find new weeds sprouting where I thought I had made my final pass with the blade. As I head back to get the newly sprouted weed (it's easier when they are young), I take a moment to admire how lush the growing vegetables and flowers are, and my labors are rewarded. My sobriety grows and bears fruit. MARCH 5 A LIFELONG TASK \"But just how, in these circumstances, does a fellow 'take it easy?' That's what I want to know.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 26 I was never known for my patience. How many times have I asked, \"Why should I wait, when I can have it all right now?\" Indeed, when I was first presented the Twelve Steps, I was like the proverbial \"kid in a candy store.\" I couldn't wait to get to Step Twelve; it was surely just a few months' work, or so I thought! I realize now that living the Twelve Steps of A.A. is a lifelong undertaking. MARCH 6 THE IDEA OF FAITH Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 47 The idea of faith is a very large chunk to swallow when fear, doubt and anger abound in and around me. Sometimes just the idea of doing something different, something I am not accustomed to doing, can eventually become an act of faith if I do it regularly, and do it without debating whether it's the right thing to do. When a bad day comes along and everything is going wrong, a meeting or a talk with another drunk often distracts me just enough to persuade me that everything is not quite as impossible, as overwhelming as I had thought. In the same way, going to a meeting or talking to a fellow alcoholic are acts of faith; I believe I'm arresting my disease. These are ways I slowly move toward faith in a Higher Power. MARCH 7 THE KEY IS WILLINGNESS Once we have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightly open, we find that we can always open it some more. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 35 The willingness to give up my pride and self-will to a Power greater than myself has proved to be the only ingredient absolutely necessary to solve all of my problems today. Even the smallest amount of willingness, if sincere, is sufficient to allow God to enter and take control over any problem, pain, or obsession. My level of comfort is in direct relation to the degree of willingness I possess at any given moment to give up my self-will, and allow God's will to be manifested in my life. With the key of willingness, my worries and fears are powerfully transformed into serenity. MARCH 8 TURNING IT OVER Every man and woman who has joined A.A. and intends to stick has, without realizing it, made a beginning on Step Three. Isn't it true that in all matters touching upon alcohol, each of them has decided to turn his or her life over to the care, protection, and guidance of Alcoholics Anonymous? . . . Any willing newcomer feels sure A.A. is the only safe harbor for the foundering vessel he has become. Now if this is not turning one's will and life over to a newfound Providence, then what is it? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 35 Submission to God was the first step to my recovery. I believe our Fellowship seeks a spirituality open to a new kinship with God. As I exert myself to follow the path of the Steps, I sense a freedom that gives me the ability to think for myself. My addiction confined me without any release and hindered my ability to be released from my self-confinement, but A.A. assures me of a way to go forward. Mutual sharing, concern and caring for others is our natural gift to each other and mine is strengthened as my attitude toward God changes. I learn to submit to God's will in my life, to have self-respect, and to keep both of these attitudes by giving away what I receive. MARCH 9 SURRENDERING SELF-WILL Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 34 No matter how much one wishes to try, exactly how can one turn his own will and his own life over to the care of whatever God he thinks there is? In my search for the answer to this question, I became aware of the wisdom with which it was written: that this is a two-part Step. I could see many times where I should have died, or at least been injured, during my previous style of living, and it never happened. Someone, or something, was looking after me. I choose to believe my life has always been in God's care. He alone controls the number of days I will be granted until physical death. The matter of will (self-will or God's will) is the more difficult part of the Step for me. It is only when I have experienced enough emotional pain, through failed attempts to fix myself, that I become willing to surrender to God's will for my life. Surrender is like the calm after the storm. When my will is in line with God's will for me, there is peace within. MARCH 10 TODAY, IT'S MY CHOICE . . . we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62 With the realization and acceptance that I had played a part in the way my life had turned out came a dramatic change in my outlook. It was at this point that the A.A. program began to work for me. In the past I had always blamed others, either God or other people, for my circumstances. I never felt that I had a choice in altering my life. My deci-sions had been based on fear, pride, or ego. As a result, those decisions led me down a path of self-destruction. Today I try to allow my God to guide me on the road to sanity. I am responsible for my actionor inactionwhatever the consequences may be. MARCH 11 GOOD ORDERLY DIRECTION It is when we try to make our will conform with God's that we begin to use it rightly. T o all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God's intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 40 All I have to do is look back at my past to see where my self-will has led me. I just don't know what's best for me and I believe my Higher Power does. G.O.D., which I define as \"Good Orderly Direction,\" has never let me down, but I have let myself down quite often. Using my self-will in a situation usually has the same result as forcing the wrong piece into a jigsaw puzzleexhaustion and frustration. Step Three opens the door to the rest of the program. When I ask God for guidance I know that whatever happens is the best possible situation, things are exactly as they are supposed to be, even if they aren't what I want or expect. God does do for me what I cannot do for myself, if I let Him. MARCH 12 A DAY'S PLAN On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. W e consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86 Every day I ask God to kindle within me the fire of His love, so that love, burning bright and clear, will illuminate my thinking and permit me to better do His will. Throughout the day, as I allow outside circumstances to dampen my spirits, I ask God to sear my consciousness with the awareness that I can start my day over any time I choose; a hundred times, if necessary. MARCH 13 A WORLD OF THE SPIRIT We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 The word \"entered\" . . . and the phrase \"entered into the world of the Spirit\" are very significant. They imply action, a beginning, getting into, a prerequisite to maintaining my spiritual growth, the \"Spirit\" being the immaterial part of me. Barriers to my spiritual growth are self-centeredness and a materialistic focus on worldly things. Spirituality means devotion to spiritual instead of worldly things, it means obedience to God's will for me. I understand spiritual things to be: unconditional love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control and humility. Any time I allow selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear to be a part of me, I block out spiritual things. As I maintain my sobriety, growing spiritually becomes a lifelong process. My goal is spiritual growth, accepting that I'll never have spiritual perfection. MARCH 14 THE KEYSTONE He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62 A keystone is the wedge-shaped piece at the highest part of an arch that locks the other pieces in place. The \"other pieces\" are Steps One, Two, and Four through Twelve. In one sense this sounds like Step Three is the most important Step, that the other eleven depend on the third for support. In reality however, Step Three is just one of twelve. It is the keystone, but without eleven other stones to build the base and arms, keystone or not, there will be no arch. Through daily working of all Twelve Steps, I find that triumphant arch waiting for me to pass through to another day of freedom. MARCH 15 THE GOD IDEA When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not work. But the God idea did. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 52 Like a blind man gradually being restored to sight, I slowly groped my way to the Third Step. Having realized that only a Power greater than myself could rescue me from the hopeless abyss I was in, I knew that this was a Power that I had to grasp, and that it would be my anchor in the midst of a sea of woes. Even though my faith at that time was mi-nuscule, it was big enough to make me see that it was time for me to discard my reliance on my prideful ego and replace it with the steadying strength that could only come from a Power far greater than myself. MARCH 16 AS WE UNDERSTAND HIM My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. . . . \"Why don't you choose your own conception of God?\" That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years I stood in the sunlight at last. It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 12 I remember the times I looked up into the sky and reflected on who started it all, and how. When I came to A.A., an understanding of some description of the spiritual dimension became a necessary adjunct to a stable sobriety. After reading a variety of versions, including the scientific, of a great explosion, I went for simplicity and made the God of my understanding the Great Power that made the explosion possible. With the vastness of the universe under His command, He would, no doubt, be able to guide my thinking and actions if I was prepared to accept His guidance. But I could not expect help if I turned my back on that help and went my own way. I became willing to believe and I have had 26 years of stable and satisfying sobriety. MARCH 17 MYSTERIOUS WAYS . . . out of every season of grief or suffering when the hand of God seemed heavy or even unjust, new lessons for living were learned, new resources of courage were uncovered, and that finally, inescapably, the conviction came that God does \"move in a mysterious way His wonders to perform.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105 After losing my career, family and health, I remained unconvinced that my way of life needed a second look. My drinking and other drug use were killing me, but I had never met a recovering person or an A.A. member. I thought I was destined to die alone and that I deserved it. At the peak of my despair, my infant son became critically ill with a rare disease. Doctors' efforts to help him proved useless. I redoubled my efforts to block my feelings, but now the alcohol had stopped working. I was left staring into God's eyes, begging for help. My introduction to A.A. came within days, through an odd series of coincidences, and I have remained sober ever since. My son lived and his disease is in remission. The entire episode convinced me of my powerlessness and the unmanageability of my life. Today my son and I thank God for His intervention. MARCH 18 REAL INDEPENDENCE The more we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more independent we actually are. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 36 I start with a little willingness to trust God and He causes that willingness to grow. The more willingness I have, the more trust I gain, and the more trust I gain, the more willingness I have. My dependence on God grows as my trust in Him grows. Before I became willing, I depended on myself for all my needs and I was restricted by my incom-pleteness. Through my willingness to depend upon my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God, all my needs are provided for by Someone Who knows me better than I know myselfeven the needs I may not realize, as well as the ones yet to come. Only Someone Who knows me that well could bring me to be myself and to help me fill the need in someone else that only I am meant to fill. There never will be another exactly like me. And that is real independence. MARCH 19 PRAYER: IT WORKS It has been well said that \"almost the only scoffers at prayer are those who never tried it enough.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 97 Having grown up in an agnostic household, I felt somewhat foolish when I first tried praying. I knew there was a Higher Power working in my lifehow else was I staying sober?but I certainly wasn't convinced he/she/it wanted to hear my prayers. People who had what I wanted said prayer was an important part of practicing the program, so I persevered. With a commitment to daily prayer, I was amazed to find myself becoming more serene and comfortable with my place in the world. In other words, life became easier and less of a struggle. I'm still not sure who, or what, listens to my prayers, but I'd never stop saying them for the simple reason that they work. MARCH 20 LOVE AND TOLERANCE Love and tolerance of others is our code. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 I have found that I have to forgive others in all situations to maintain any real spiritual progress. The vital importance of forgiving may not be obvious to me at first sight, but my studies tell me that every great spiritual teacher has insisted strongly upon it. I must forgive injuries, not just in words, or as a matter of form, but in my heart. I do this not for the other persons' sake, but for my own sake. Resentment, anger, or a desire to see someone punished, are things that rot my soul. Such things fasten my troubles to me with chains. They tie me to other problems that have nothing to do with my original problem. MARCH 21 MATERIAL AND SPIRITUAL WELL-BEING Fear . . . of economic insecurity will leave us. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 Having fear reduced or eliminated and having economic circumstances improve, are two different things. When I was new in A.A., I had those two ideas confused. I thought fear would leave me only when I started making money. However, another line from the Big Book jumped off the page one day when I was chewing on my financial difficulties: \"For us, material well-being always followed spiritual progress; it never preceded.\" (p. 127). I suddenly understood that this promise was a guarantee. I saw that it put priorities in the correct order, that spiritual progress would diminish that terrible fear of being destitute, just as it diminished many other fears. Today I try to use the talents God gave me to benefit others. I've found that is what others valued all along. I try to remember that I no longer work for myself. I only get the use of the wealth God created, I never have \"owned\" it. My life's purpose is much clearer when I just work to help, not to possess. MARCH 22 NO MORE STRUGGLE. . . And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alcohol. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 When A.A. found me, I thought I was in for a struggle, and that A.A. might provide the strength I needed to beat alcohol. Victorious in that fight, who knows what other battles I could win. I would need to be strong, though. All my previous experience with life proved that. Today I do not have to struggle or exert my will. If I take those Twelve Steps and let my Higher Power do the real work, my alcohol problem disappears all by itself. My living problems also cease to be struggles. I just have to ask whether acceptanceor changeis required. It is not my will, but His, that needs doing. MARCH 23 . . . AND NO MORE RESERVATIONS We have seen the truth again and again: \"Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.\". . . If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol. . . . To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time nor take the quantities some of us have. This is particularly true of women. Potential female al-coholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 33 These words are underlined in my book. They are true for men and women alcoholics. On many occasions I've turned to this page and reflected on this passage. I need never fool myself by recalling my sometimes differing drinking patterns, or by believing I am \"cured.\" I like to think that, if sobriety is God's gift to me, then my sober life is my gift to God. I hope God is as happy with His gift as I am with mine. MARCH 24 ACTIVE, NOT PASSIVE Man is supposed to think, and act He wasn't made in God's image to be an automaton. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 55 Before I joined A.A., I often did not think, and reacted to people and situations. When not reacting I acted in a mechanical fashion. After joining A. A., I started seeking daily guidance from a Power greater than myself, and learning to listen for that guidance. Then I began to make decisions and act on them, rather than react to them. The results have been constructive; I no longer allow others to make decisions for me and then criticize me for it. Todayand every daywith a heart full of gratitude, and a desire for God's will to be done through me, my life is worth sharing, especially with my fellow alcoholics! Above all, if I do not make a religion out of anything, even A.A., then I can be an open channel for God's expression. MARCH 25 A FULL AND THANKFUL HEART / try hard to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37 I believe that we in Alcoholics Anonymous are fortunate in that we are constantly reminded of the need to be grateful and of how important gratitude is to our sobriety. I am truly grateful for the sobriety God has given me through the A.A. program and am glad I can give back what was given to me freely. I am grateful not only for sobriety, but for the quality of life my sobriety has brought. God has been gracious enough to give me sober days and a life blessed with peace and contentment, as well as the ability to give and receive love, and the opportunity to serve othersin our Fellowship, my family and my community. For all of this, I have \"a full and thankful heart.\" MARCH 26 THE TEACHING IS NEVER OVER Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past Give freely of what you find and join us. W e shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep youuntil then. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164 These words put a lump in my throat each time I read them. In the beginning it was because I felt, \"Oh no! The teaching is over. Now I'm on my own. It will never be this new again.\" Today I feel deep affection for our A.A. pioneers when I read this passage, realizing that it sums up all of what I believe in, and strive for, and thatwith God's blessingthe teaching is never over, I'm never on my own, and every day is brand new. MARCH 27 A.A.'s FREEDOMS We trust that we already know what our several freedoms truly are; that no future generation of AAs will ever feel compelled to limit them. Our AA freedoms create the soil in which genuine love can grow. . . . LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 303 I craved freedom. First, freedom to drink; later, freedom from drink. The A.A. program of recovery rests on a foundation of free choice. There are no mandates, laws or commandments. A.A.'s spiritual program, as outlined in the Twelve Steps, and by which I am offered even greater freedoms, is only suggested. I can take it or leave it. Sponsorship is offered, not forced, and I come and go as I will. It is these and other freedoms that allow me to recap-ture the dignity that was crushed by the burden of drink, and which is so dearly needed to support an enduring sobriety. MARCH 28 EQUALITY Our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend upon money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 565 Prior to A.A., I often felt that I didn't \"fit in\" with the people around me. Usually \"they\" had more/ less money than I did, and my points of view didn't jibe with \"theirs.\" The amount of prejudice I had experienced in society only proved to me just how phony some self-righteous people were. After joining A. A., I found the way of life I had been searching for. In A.A. no member is better than any other member; we're just alcoholics trying to recover from alcoholism. MARCH 29 TRUSTED SERVANTS They are servants. Theirs is the sometimes thankless privilege of doing the group's chores TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 134 In Zorba the Greek, Nikos Kazantzakis describes an encounter between his principal character and an old man busily at work planting a tree. \"What is it you are doing?\" Zorba asks. The old man replies: \"You can see very well what I'm doing, my son, I'm planting a tree.\" \"But why plant a tree,\" Zorba asks, \"if you won't be able to see it bear fruit?\" And the old man answers: \"I, my son, live as though I were never going to die.\" The response brings a faint smile to Zorba's lips and, as he walks away, he exclaims with a note of irony: \"How strangeI live as though I were going to die tomorrow!\" As a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have found that the Third Legacy is a fertile soil in which to plant the tree of my sobriety. The fruits I harvest are wonderful: peace, security, understanding and twenty-four hours of eternal fulfillment; and with the soundness of mind to listen to the voice of my conscience when, in silence, it gently speaks to me, saying: You must let go in service. There are others who must plant and harvest. MARCH 30 OUR GROUP CONSCIENCE \". . . sometimes the good is the enemy of the best\" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS COMES OF AGE P- 101 I think these words apply to every area of A.A.'s Three Legacies: Recovery, Unity and Service! I want them etched in my mind and life as I \"trudge the Road of Happy Destiny\" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 164). These words, often spoken by co-founder Bill W., were appropriately said to him as the result of the group's conscience. It brought home to Bill W. the essence of our Second Tradi-tion: \"Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.\" Just as Bill W. was originally urged to remember, I think that in our group discussions we should never settle for the \"good,\" but always strive to attain the \"best.\" These common strivings are yet another example of a loving God, as we understand Him, expressing Himself through the group conscience. Experiences such as these help me to stay on the proper path of recovery. I learn to combine initiative with humility, responsibility with thankfulness, and thus relish the joys of living my twenty-four hour program. MARCH 31 NO ONE DENIED ME LOVE On the A. A. calendar it was Year Two. . . . A newcomer appeared at one of these groups. . . . He soon proved that his was a desperate case, and that above all he wanted to get well . . . [He said], \"Since I am the victim of another addiction even worse stigmatized than alcoholism, you may not want me among you.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 141-42 I came to youa wife, mother, woman who had walked out on her husband, children, family. I was a drunk, a pill-head, a nothing. Yet no one denied me love, caring, a sense of belonging. Today, by God's grace and the love of a good sponsor and a home group, I can say thatthrough you in Alcoholics AnonymousI am a wife, a mother, a grandmother and a woman. Sober. Free of pills. Re-sponsible. Without a Higher Power I found in the Fellowship, my life would be meaningless. I am full of gratitude to be a member of good standing in Alcoholics Anonymous.  APRIL 1 LOOKING WITHIN Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 42 Step Four is the vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what the liabilities in each of us have been, and are. I want to find exactly how, when, and where my natural desires have warped me. I wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and myself. By discovering what my emotional deformities are, I can move toward their cor-rection. Without a willing and persistent effort to do this, there can be little sobriety or contentment for me. To resolve ambivalent feelings, I need to feel a strong and helpful sense of myself. Such an awareness doesn't happen overnight, and no one's self-awareness is permanent. Everyone has the capacity for growth, and for self-awareness, through an honest encounter with reality. When I don't avoid issues but meet them directly, always trying to resolve them, they become fewer and fewer. APRIL 2 CHARACTER BUILDING Demands made upon other people for too much attention, protection, and love can only invite domination or revulsion. . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 44 When I uncovered my need for approval in the Fourth Step, I didn't think it should rank as a character defect. I wanted to think of it more as an asset (that is, the desire to please people). It was quickly pointed out to me that this \"need\" can be very crippling. Today I still enjoy getting the approval of others, but I am not willing to pay the price I used to pay to get it. I will not bend myself into a pretzel to get others to like me. If I get your approval, that's fine; but if I don't, I will survive without it. I am responsible for speaking what I perceive to be the truth, not what I think others may want to hear. Similarly, my false pride always kept me overly concerned about my reputation. Since being enlightened in the A.A. program, my aim is to improve my character. APRIL 3 ACCEPTING OUR HUMANNESS W e finally saw that the inventory should be ours, not the other man's So we admitted our wrongs honestly and became willing to set these matters straight. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 222 Why is it that the alcoholic is so unwilling to accept responsibility? I used to drink because of the things that other people did to me. Once I came to A.A. I was told to look at where I had been wrong. What did I have to do with all these different matters? When I simply accepted that I had a part in them, I was able to put it on paper and see it for what it was humanness. I am not expected to be perfect! I have made errors before and I will make them again. To be honest about them allows me to accept themand myselfand those with whom I had the differences; from there, recovery is just a short distance ahead. APRIL 4 CRYING FOR THE MOON \"This very real feeling of inferiority is magnified by his childish sensitivity and it is this state of affairs which generates in him that insatiable, abnormal craving for self-approval and success in the eyes of the world. Still a child, he cries for the moon. And the moon, it seems, won't have him!\" LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 102 While drinking I seemed to vacillate between feeling totally invisible and believing I was the center of the universe. Searching for that elusive balance between the two has become a major part of my recovery. The moon I constantly cried for is, in sobriety, rarely full; it shows me instead its many other phases, and there are lessons in them all. True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer. APRIL 5 TRUE BROTHERHOOD We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 53 This message contained in Step Four was the first one I heard loud and clear; I hadn't seen myself in print before! Prior to my coining into A.A., I knew of no place that could teach me how to become a person among persons. From my very first meeting, I saw people doing just that and I wanted what they had. One of the reasons that I'm a happy, sober alcoholic today is that I'm learning this most important lesson. APRIL 6 A LIFETIME PROCESS We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people. . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 52 These words remind me that I have more problems than alcohol, that alcohol is only a symptom of a more pervasive disease. When I stopped drinking I began a lifetime process of recovery from unruly emotions, painful relationships, and unmanageable situations. This process is too much for most of us without help from a Higher Power and our friends in the Fellowship. When I began working the Steps of the A.A. program, many of these tangled threads unraveled but, little by little, the most broken places of my life straightened out. One day at a time, almost imperceptibly, I healed. Like a thermostat being turned down, my fears diminished. I began to experience moments of contentment. My emotions became less volatile. I am now once again a part of the human family. APRIL 7 A WIDE ARC OF GRATITUDE And, speaking for Dr. Bob and myself, I gratefully declare that had it not been for our wives, Anne and Lois, neither of us could have lived to see A.A.'s beginning. THE A.A. WAY OF LIFE, p. 67 Am I capable of such generous tribute and gratitude to my wife, parents and friends, without whose support I might never have survived to reach A.A.'s doors? I will work on this and try to see the plan my Higher Power is showing me which links our lives together. APRIL 8 AN INSIDE LOOK We want to find exactly how, when, and where our natural desires have warped us W e wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and ourselves By discovering what our emotional deformities are, we can move toward their correction. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 43 Today I am no longer a slave to alcohol, yet in so many ways enslavement still threatensmy self, my desires, even my dreams. Yet without dreams I cannot exist; without dreams there is nothing to keep me moving forward. I must look inside myself, to free myself. I must call upon God's power to face the person I've feared the most, the true me, the person God created me to be. Unless I can or until I do, I will always be running, and never be truly free. I ask God daily to show me such a freedom! APRIL 9 FREEDOM FROM \"KING ALCOHOL\" . . . let us not suppose even for an instant that we are not under constraint. . . . Our former tyrant, King Alcohol, always stands ready again to clutch us to him Therefore, freedom from alcohol is the great \"must\" that has to be achieved, else we go mad or die. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 134 When drinking, I lived in spiritual, emotional, and sometimes, physical confinement. I had constructed my prison with bars of self-will and self-indulgence, from which I could not escape. Occasional dry spells that seemed to promise freedom would turn out to be little more than hopes of a reprieve. True escape required a willingness to follow whatever right actions were needed to turn the lock. With that willingness and action, both the lock and the bars themselves opened for me. Continued willingness and action keep me freein a kind of extended daily probationthat need never end. APRIL 10 GROWING UP The essence of all growth is a willingness to change for the better and then an unremitting willingness to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 115 Sometimes when I've become willing to do what I should have been doing all along, I want praise and recognition. I don't realize that the more I'm willing to act differently, the more exciting my life is. The more I am willing to help others, the more rewards I receive. That's what practicing the principles means to me. Fun and benefits for me are in the willingness to do the actions, not to get immediate results. Being a little kinder, a little slower to anger, a little more loving makes my life better day by day. APRIL 11 A WORD TO DROP: \"BLAME\" To see how erratic emotions victimized us often took a long time. W e could perceive them quickly in others, but only slowly in ourselves First of all, we had to admit that we had many of these defects, even though such disclosures were painful and humiliating. Where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word \"blame\" from our speech and thought TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 47 When I did my Fourth Step, following the Big Book guidelines, I noticed that my grudge list was filled with my prejudices and my blaming others for my not being able to succeed and to live up to my potential. I also discovered I felt different because I was black. As I continued to work on the Step, I learned that I always had drunk to rid myself of those feelings. It was only when I sobered up and worked on my inventory, that I could no longer blame anyone. APRIL 12 GIVING UP INSANITY . . . where alcohol has been involved, we have been strangely insane. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 38 Alcoholism required me to drink, whether I wanted to or not. Insanity dominated my life and was the essence of my disease. It robbed me of the freedom of choice over drinking and, therefore, robbed me of all other choices. When I drank, I was unable to make effective choices in any part of my life and life became unmanageable. I ask God to help me understand and accept the full meaning of the disease of alcoholism. APRIL 13 THE FALSE COMFORT OF SELF-PITY Self-pity is one of the most unhappy and consuming defects that we know. It is a bar to all spiritual progress and can cut off all effective communication with our fellows because of its inordinate demands for attention and sympathy. It is a maudlin form of martyrdom, which we can ill afford. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 238 The false comfort of self-pity screens me from reality only momentarily and then demands, like a drug, that I take an ever bigger dose. If I succumb to this it could lead to a relapse into drinking. What can I do? One certain antidote is to turn my attention, however slightly at first, toward others who are genuinely less fortunate than I, preferably other alcoholics. In the same degree that I actively demonstrate my empathy with them, I will lessen my own exaggerated suffering. APRIL 14 THE \"NUMBER ONE OFFENDER\" Resentment is the \"number one\" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 64 As I look at myself practicing the Fourth Step, it is easy to gloss over the wrong that I have done, because I can easily see it as a question of \"getting even\" for a wrong done to me. If I continue to relive my old hurt, it is a resentment and resentment bars the sunlight from my soul. If I continue o relive hurts and hates, I will hurt and hate myself. After years in the dark of resentments, I have bund the sunlight. I must let go of resentments; I cannot afford them. APRIL 15 THE BONDAGE OF RESENTMENTS . . . harboring resentment is infinitely grave. For then we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 5 It has been said, \"Anger is a luxury I cannot afford.\" Does this suggest I ignore this human emotion? I believe not. Before I learned of the A.A. program, I was a slave to the behavior patterns of alcoholism. I was chained to negativity, with no hope of cutting loose. The Steps offered me an alternative. Step Four was the beginning of the end of my bondage. The process of \"letting go\" started with an inventory. I needed not be frightened, for the previous Steps assured me I was not alone. My Higher Power led me to this door and gave me the gift of choice. Today I can choose to open the door to freedom and rejoice in the sunlight of the Steps, as they cleanse the spirit within me. APRIL 16 ANGER: A \"DUBIOUS LUXURY\" If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of the normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 66 \"Dubious luxury.\" How often have I remembered those words. It's not just anger that's best left to nonalcoholics; I built a list including justifiable resentment, self-pity, judgmentalism, self-righteousness, false pride and false humility. I'm always surprised to read the actual quote. So well have the principles of the program been drummed into me that I keep thinking all of these defects are listed too. Thank God I can't afford themor I surely would indulge in them. APRIL 17 LOVE AND FEAR AS OPPOSITES All these failings generate fear, a soul-sickness in its own right. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 49 \"Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was there.\" I don't know to whom this quote should be attributed, but it certainly indicates very clearly that fear is an illusion. I create the illusion myself. I experienced fear early in my life and I mistakenly thought that the mere presence of it made me a coward. I didn't know that one of the definitions of \"courage\" is \"the willingness to do the right thing in spite of fear.\" Courage, then, is not necessarily the absence of fear. During the times I didn't have love in my life I most assuredly had fear. To fear God is to be afraid of joy. In looking back, I realize that, during the times I feared God most, there was no joy in my life. As I learned not to fear God, I also learned to experience joy. APRIL 18 SELF-HONESTY The deception of others is nearly always rooted in the deception of ourselves. . . . When we are honest with another person, it confirms that we have been honest with ourselves and with God. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 17 When I was drinking, I deceived myself about reality, rewriting it to what I wanted it to be. Deceiving others is a character defecteven if it is just stretching the truth a bit or cleaning up my motives so others would think well of me. My Higher Power can remove this character defect, but first I have to help myself become willing to receive that help by not practicing deception. I need to remember each day that deceiving myself about myself is setting myself up for failure or disappointment in life and in Alcoholics Anonymous. A close, honest relationship with a Higher Power is the only solid foundation I've found for honesty with self and with others. APRIL 19 BROTHERS IN OUR DEFECTS We recovered alcoholics are not so much brothers in virtue as we are brothers in our defects, and in our common strivings to overcome them AS BILL SEES IT, p. 167 The identification that one alcoholic has with another is mysterious, spiritualalmost incomprehensible. But it is there. I \"feel\" it. Today I feel that I can help people and that they can help me. It is a new and exciting feeling for me to care for someone; to care what they are feeling, hoping for, praying for; to know their sadness, joy, horror, sorrow, grief; to want to share those feelings so that someone can have relief. I never knew how to do thisor how to try. I never even cared. The Fellowship of A.A., and God, are teaching me how to care about others. APRIL 20 SELF-EXAMINATION . . . we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86 When said sincerely, this prayer teaches me to be truly unselfish and humble, for even in doing good deeds I often used to seek approval and glory for myself. By examining my motives in all that I do, I can be of service to God and others, helping them do what they want to do. When I put God in charge of my thinking, much needless worry is eliminated and I believe He guides me throughout the day. When I eliminate thoughts of self-pity, dishonesty and self-centeredness as soon as they enter my mind, I find peace with God, my neighbor and myself. APRIL 21 CULTIVATING FAITH \"I don't think we can do anything very well in this world unless we practice it And I don't believe we do A.A. too well unless we practice it. . . . W e should practice . . . acquiring the spirit of service. W e should attempt to acquire some faith, which isn't easily done, especially for the person who has always been very materialistic, following the standards of society today. But I think faith can be acquired; it can be acquired slowly; it has to be cultivated. That was not easy for me, and I assume that it is difficult for everyone else. ...\" DR. BOB AND THE GOOD OLDTIMERS, pp. 307-08 Fear is often the force that prevents me from acquiring and cultivating the power of faith. Fear blocks my appreciation of beauty, tolerance, forgiveness, service, and serenity. APRIL 22 NEW SOIL . . . NEW ROOTS Moments of perception can build into a lifetime of spiritual serenity, as I have excellent reason to know, loots of reality, supplanting the neurotic underbrush, will hold fast despite the high winds of the forces which would destroy us, or which we would use to destroy ourselves. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 173 [ came to A.A. greena seedling quivering with exposed taproots. It was for survival but it was a >beginning. I stretched, developed, twisted, but with he help of others, my spirit eventually burst up from the roots. I was free. I acted, withered, went inside, prayed, acted again, understood anew, as one moment of perception struck. Up from my roots, spirit-arms lengthened into strong, green .hoots: high-springing servants stepping skyward. Here on earth God unconditionally continues the legacy of higher love. My A.A. life put me \"on a different footing . . . [my] roots grasped a new soil\" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 12). APRIL 23 A.A. IS NOT A CURE-ALL It would be a product of false pride to claim that A. A. is a cure-all, even for alcoholism AS BILL SEES IT, p. 285 In my early years of sobriety I was full of pride, thinking that A. A. was the only source of treatment for a good and happy life. It certainly was the basic ingredient for my sobriety and even today, with over twelve years in the program, I am very involved in meetings, sponsorship and service. During the first four years of my recovery, I found it necessary to seek professional help, since my emotional health was extremely poor. There are those folks too, who have found sobriety and happiness in other organizations. A.A. taught me that I had a choice: to go to any lengths to enhance my sobriety. A.A. may not be a cure-all for everything, but it is the center of my sober living. APRIL 24 LEARNING TO LOVE OURSELVES Alcoholism was a lonely business, even though we were surrounded by people who loved us . . . W e were trying to find emotional security either by dominating or by being dependent upon others . . . W e still vainly tried to be secure by some unhealthy sort of domination or dependence. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 252 When I did my personal inventory I found that I had unhealthy relationships with most people in my lifemy friends and family, for example. I always felt isolated and lonely. I drank to dull emotional pain. It was through staying sober, having a good sponsor and working the Twelve Steps that I was able to build up my low self-esteem. First the Twelve Steps taught me to become my own best friend, and then, when I was able to love myself, I could reach out and love others. APRIL 25 ENTERING A NEW DIMENSION In the late stages of our drinking the will to resist has fled. Yet when we admit complete defeat and when we become entirely ready to try A. A. principles, our obsession leaves us and we enter a new dimensionfreedom under God as we understand Him. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 283 I am fortunate to be among the ones who have had this awesome transformation in my life. When I entered the doors of A.A., alone and desperate, I had been beaten into willingness to believe anything I heard. One of the things I heard was, \"This could be your last hangover, or you can keep going round and round.\" The man who said this obviously was a whole lot better off than 1.1 liked the idea of admitting defeat and I have been free ever since! My heart heard what my mind never could: \"Being powerless over alcohol is no big deal.\" I'm free and I'm grateful! APRIL 26 HAPPINESS IS NOT THE POINT / don't think happiness or unhappiness is the point. How do we meet the problems we face? How do we best learn from them and transmit what we have learned to others, if they would receive the knowledge? AS BILL SEES IT, p. 306 In my search \"to be happy,\" I changed jobs, married and divorced, took geographical cures, and ran myself into debtfinancially, emotionally and spiritually. In A.A., I'm learning to grow up. Instead of demanding that people, places and things make me happy, I can ask God for self-acceptance. When a problem overwhelms me, A.A.'s Twelve Steps will help me grow through the pain. The knowledge I gain can be a gift to others who suffer with the same problem. As Bill said, \"When pain comes, we are expected to learn from it willingly, and help others to learn. When happiness comes, we accept it as a gift, and thank God for it.\" (As Bill Sees It, p. 306) APRIL 27 JOYFUL DISCOVERIES W e realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164 Sobriety is a journey of joyful discovery. Each day brings new experience, awareness, greater hope, deeper faith, broader tolerance. I must maintain these attributes or I will have nothing to pass on. Great events for this recovering alcoholic are the normal everyday joys found in being able to live another day in God's grace. APRIL 28 TWO \"MAGNIFICENT STANDARDS\" All A.A. progress can be reckoned in terms of just two words: humility and responsibility. Our whole spiritual development can be accurately measured by our degree of adherence to these magnificent standards. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 271 To acknowledge and respect the views, accomplishments and prerogatives of others and to accept being wrong shows me the way of humility. To practice the principles of A.A. in all my affairs guides me to be responsible. Honoring these precepts gives credence to Tradition Fourand to all other Traditions of the Fellowship. Alcoholics Anonymous has evolved a philosophy of life full of valid motivations, rich in highly relevant principles and ethical values, a view of life which can be extended beyond the confines of the alcoholic population. To honor these precepts I need only to pray, and care for my fellow man as if each one were my brother. APRIL 29 GROUP AUTONOMY Some may think that we have carried the principle of group autonomy to extremes. For example, in its original \"long form,\" Tradition Four declares: \"Any two or three gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that as a group they have no other affiliation. \"* . . . But this ultra-liberty is not so risky as it looks. A.A. COMES OF AGE PP 104-05 As an active alcoholic, I abused every liberty that life afforded. How could A.A. expect me to respect the \"ultraliberty\" bestowed by Tradition Four? Learning respect has become a lifetime job. A.A. has made me fully accept the necessity of discipline and that, if I do not assert it from within, then I will pay for it. This applies to groups too. Tradition Four points me in a spiritual direction, in spite of my alcoholic inclinations. * This is a misquote; Bill quoted the Third Tradition, but was referring to Tradition Four. APRIL 30 A GREAT PARADOX These legacies of suffering and of recovery are easily passed among alcoholics, one to the other. This is our gift from God, and its bestowal upon others like us is the one aim that today animates A.A.'s all around the globe. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 151 The great paradox of A.A. is that I know I cannot keep the precious gift of sobriety unless I give it away. My primary purpose is to stay sober. In A.A. I have no other goal, and the importance of this is a matter of life or death for me. If I veer from this purpose I lose. But A.A. is not only for me; it is for the alcoholic who still suffers. The legions of recovering alcoholics stay sober by sharing with fellow alcoholics. The way to my recovery is to show oth-ers in A.A. that when I share with them, we both grow in the grace of the Higher Power, and both of us are on the road to a happy destiny. MAY 1 HEALING HEART AND MIND Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 55 Since it is true that God comes to me through people, I can see that by keeping people at a distance I also keep God at a distance. God is nearer to me than I think and I can experience Him by loving people and allowing people to love me. But I can neither love nor be loved if I allow my secrets to get in the way. It's the side of myself that I refuse to look at that rules me. I must be willing to look at the dark side in order to heal my mind and heart because that is the road to freedom. I must walk into darkness to find the light and walk into fear to find peace. By revealing my secretsand thereby ridding myself of guiltI can actually change my thinking; by altering my thinking, I can change myself. My thoughts create my future. What I will be tomorrow is determined by what I think today. MAY 2 LIGHTING THE DARK PAST Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you havethe key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 124 No longer is my past an autobiography; it is a reference book to be taken down, opened and shared. Today as I report for duty, the most wonderful picture comes through. For, though this day be dark as some days must bethe stars will shine even brighter later. My witness that they do shine will be called for in the very near future. All my past will this day be a part of me, because it is the key, not the lock. MAY 3 CLEANING HOUSE Somehow, being alone with God doesn't seem as embarrassing as facing up to another person. Until we actually sit down and talk aloud about what we have so long hidden, our willingness to clean house is still largely theoretical. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 60 It wasn't unusual for me to talk to God, and myself, about my character defects. But to sit down, face to face, and openly discuss these intimacies with another person was much more difficult. I recognized in the experience, however, a similar relief to the one I had experienced when I first admitted I was an alcoholic. I began to appreciate the spiritual significance of the program and that this Step was just an introduction to what was yet to come in the remaining seven Steps. MAY 4 \"ENTIRELY HONEST\" We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 73-74 Honesty, like all virtues, is to be shared. It began after I shared \". . . [my] whole life's story with someone . . . \" in order to find my place in the Fellowship. Later I shared my life in order to help the newcomer find his place with us. This sharing helps me to learn honesty in all my dealings and to know that God's plan for me comes true through honest openness and willingness. MAY 5 THE FOREST AND THE TREES . . . what comes to us alone may be garbled by our own rationalization and wishful thinking. The benefit of talking to another person is that we can get his direct comment and counsel on our situation. . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 60 I cannot count the times when I have been angry and frustrated and said to myself, \"I can't see the forest for the trees!\" I finally realized that what I needed when I was in such pain was someone who could guide me in separating the forest and the trees; who could suggest a better path to follow; who could assist me in putting out fires; and help me avoid the rocks and pitfalls. I ask God, when I'm in the forest, to give me the courage to call upon a member of A.A. MAY 6 \"HOLD BACK NOTHING\" The real tests of the situation are your own willingness to confide and your full confidence in the one with whom you share your first accurate self-survey. . . . Provided you hold back nothing, your sense of relief will mount from minute to minute. The dammed-up emotions of years break out of their confinement, and miraculously vanish as soon as they are exposed. As the pain subsides, a healing tranquility takes its place. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 61-62 A tiny kernel of locked-in feelings began to unfold when I first attended A.A. meetings and self-knowledge then became a learning task for me. This new self-understanding brought about a change in my responses to life's situations. I realized I had the right to make choices in my life, and the inner dictatorship of habits slowly lost its grip. I believe that if I seek God I can find a better way to live and I ask Him daily to assist me in living a sober life. MAY 7 RESPECT FOR OTHERS Such parts of our story we tell to someone who will understand, yet be unaffected. The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 74 Respect for others is the lesson that I take out of this passage. I must go to any lengths to free myself if I wish to find that peace of mind that I have sought for so long. However, none of this must be done at another's expense. Selfishness has no place in the A.A. way of life. When I take the Fifth Step it's wiser to choose a person with whom I share common aims because if that person does not understand me, my spiritual progress may be delayed and I could be in danger of a relapse. So I ask for divine guidance before choosing the man or woman whom I take into my confidence. MAY 8 ________________________________________ A RESTING PLACE All of A.A. 's Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural desires . . . they all deflate our egos. When it comes to ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take than Five. But scarcely any Step is more necessary to longtime sobriety and peace of mind than this one. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 55 After writing down my character defects, I was unwilling to talk about them, and decided it was time to stop carrying this burden alone. I needed to confess those defects to someone else. I had readand been toldI could not stay sober unless I did. Step Five provided me with a feeling of belonging, with humility and serenity when I practiced it in my daily living. It was important to admit my defects of character in the order presented in Step Five: \"to God, to ourselves and to another human being.\" Admitting to God first paved the way for admission to myself and to another person. As the taking of the Step is described, a feeling of being at one with God and my fellow man brought me to a resting place where I could prepare myself for the remain-ing Steps toward a full and meaningful sobriety. MAY 9 WALKING THROUGH FEAR If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76 When I had taken my Fifth Step, I became aware that all my defects of character stemmed from my need to feel secure and loved. To use my will alone to work on them would have been trying obsessively to solve the problem. In the Sixth Step I intensified the action I had taken in the first three Stepsmeditating on the Step by saying it over and over, going to meetings, following my sponsor's suggestions, reading and searching within myself. During the first three years of sobriety I had a fear of entering an elevator alone. One day I decided I must walk through this fear. I asked for God's help, entered the elevator, and there in the corner was a lady crying. She said that since her husband had died she was deathly afraid of elevators. I forgot my fear and comforted her. This spiritual experience helped me to see how willingness was the key to working the rest of the Twelve Steps to recovery. God helps those who help themselves. MAY 10 ______________________________________ FREE AT LAST Another great dividend we may expect from confiding our defects to another human being is humility a word often misunderstood. . . . it amounts to a clear recognition of what and who we really are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 58 I knew deep inside that if I were ever to be joyous, happy and free, I had to share my past life with some other individual. The joy and relief I experienced after doing so were beyond description. Almost immediately after taking the Fifth Step, I felt free from the bondage of self and the bondage of alcohol. That freedom remains after 36 years, a day at a time. I found that God could do for me what I couldn't do for myself. MAY 11 A NEW SENSE OF BELONGING Until we had talked with complete candor of our conflicts, and had listened to someone else do the same thing, we s till didn't belong. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 57 After four years in A.A. I was able to discover the freedom from the burden of buried emotions that had caused me so much pain. With the help of A.A., and extra counseling, the pain was released and I felt a complete sense of belonging and peace. I also felt a joy and a love of God that I had never experienced before. I am in awe of the power of Step Five. MAY 12 THE PAST IS OVER A.A. experience has taught us we cannot live alone with our pressing problems and the character defects which cause or aggravate them. If. . . Step Four . . . has revealed in stark relief those experiences we'd rather not remember . . . then the need to quit living by ourselves with those tormenting ghosts of yesterday gets more urgent than ever. We have to talk to somebody about them. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 55 Whatever is done is over. It cannot be changed. But my attitude about it can be changed through talking with those who have gone before and with sponsors. I can wish the past never was, but if I change my actions in regard to what I have done, my attitude will change. I won't have to wish the past away. I can change my feelings and attitudes, but only through my actions and the help of my fellow alcoholics. MAY 13 THE EASIER, SOFTER WAY If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 72 I certainly didn't leap at the opportunity to face who I was, especially when the pains of my drinking days hung over me like a dark cloud. But I soon heard at the meetings about the fellow member who just didn't want to take Step Five and kept coming back to meetings, trembling from the horrors of reliving his past. The easier, softer way is to take these Steps to freedom from our fatal disease, and to put our faith in the Fellowship and our Higher Power. MAY 14 IT'S OKAY TO BE ME Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. . . . they have turned to easier methods. . . . But they had not learned enough humility. . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 72-73 Humility sounds so much like hu miliation, but it really is the ability to look at myselfand honestly accept what I find. I no longer need to be the \"smartest\" or \"dumbest\" or any other \"est.\" Finally, it is okay to be me. It is easier for me to accept myself if I share my whole life. If I cannot share in meetings, then I had better have a sponsor someone with whom I can share those \"certain facts\" that could lead me back to a drunk, to death. I need to take all the Steps. I need the Fifth Step to learn true humility. Easier methods do not work. MAY 15 KNOW GOD; KNOW PEACE It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. . . . But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 66 Know God; Know peace. No God; No peace. MAY 16 WE FORGIVE . . . Often it was while working on this Step with our sponsors or spiritual advisers that we first felt truly able to forgive others, no matter how deeply we felt hey had wronged us. Our moral inventory had persuaded us that all-round forgiveness was desirable, but it was only when we resolutely tackled Step Five hat we inwardly knew we'd be able to receive forgiveness and give it, too. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 58 What a great feeling forgiveness is! What a revelation about my emotional, psychological and spiritual nature. All it takes is willingness to forgive; 5od will do the rest. MAY 17 . . . AND FORGIVE Under very trying conditions I have had, again and again, to forgive othersalso myself AS BILL SEES IT, p. 268 Forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others are just two currents in the same river, both hindered or shut off completely by the dam of resentment. Once that dam is lifted, both currents can flow. The Steps of A.A. allow me to see how resentment has built up and subsequently blocked off this flow in my life. The Steps provide a way by which my resentments mayby the grace of God as I understand Him be lifted. It is as a result of this solution that I can find the necessary grace which enables me to for-give myself and others. MAY 18 FREEDOM TO BE ME If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83 My first true freedom is the freedom not to have to take a drink today. If I truly want it, I will work the Twelve Steps and the happiness of this freedom will come to me through the Stepssometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Other freedoms will follow, and inventorying them is a new happiness. I had a new freedom today, the freedom to be me. I have the freedom to be the best me I have ever been. MAY 19 GIVING WITHOUT STRINGS And he well knows that his own life has been made richer, as an extra dividend of giving to another without any demand for a return. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 69 The concept of giving without strings was hard to understand when I first came into the program. I was suspicious when others wanted to help me. I thought, \"What do they want in return?\" But I soon learned the joy of helping another alcoholic and I understood why they were there for me in the beginning. My attitudes changed and I wanted to help others. Sometimes I became anxious, as I wanted them to know the joys of sobriety, that life can be bea ut if ul . W hen m y lif e is f ul l o f a lo v ing Go d o f my understanding and I give that love to my fellow alcoholic, I feel a special richness that is hard to explain. MAY 20 ONE DAY AT A TIME Above all, take it one day at a time. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 11 Why do I kid myself that I must stay away from a drink for only one day, when I know perfectly well I must never drink again as long as I live? I am not kidding myself because one day at a time is probably the only way I can reach the long-range objective of staying sober. If I determine that I shall never drink again as long as I live, I set myself up. How can I be sure I won't drink when I have no idea what the future may hold? On a day-at-a-time basis, I am confident I can stay away from a drink for one day. So I set out with confidence. At the end of the day, I have the reward of achievement. Achievement feels good and that makes me want more! MAY 21 A LIST OF BLESSINGS One exercise that I practice is to try for a full inventory of my blessings. . . . AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37 What did I have to be grateful for? I shut myself up and started listing the blessings for which I was in no way responsible, beginning with having been born of sound mind and body. I went through seventy-four years of living right up to the present moment. The list ran to two pages, and took two hours to compile; I included health, family, money, A.A. the whole gamut. Every day in my prayers, I ask God to help me remember my list, and to be grateful for it throughout the day. When I remember my gratitude list, it's very hard to conclude that God is picking on me. MAY 22 STEP ONE WE . . . (The first word of the First Step) TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21 When I was drinking all I could ever think about was \"I, I, I,\" or \"Me, Me, Me.\" Such painful obsession of self, such soul sickness, such spiritual selfishness bound me to the bottle for more than half my life. The journey to find God and to do His will one day at a time began with the first word of the First Step . . . \"We.\" There was power in numbers, there was strength in numbers, there was safety in numbers, and for an alcoholic like me, there was life in numbers. If I had tried to recover alone I probably would have died. With God and another alcoholic I have a divine purpose in my life . . . I have become a channel for God's healing love. MAY 23 SPIRITUAL HEALTH When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 64 It is very difficult for me to come to terms with my spiritual illness because of my great pride, disguised by my material successes and my intellectual power. Intelligence is not incompatible with humility, provided I place humility first. To seek prestige and wealth is the ultimate goal for many in the modern world. To be fashionable and to seem better than I really am is a spiritual illness. To recognize and to admit my weaknesses is the beginning of good spiritual health. It is a sign of spiritual health to he able to ask God every day to enlighten me, to recognize His will, and to have the strength to execute it. My spiritual health is excellent when I realize that the better I get, the more I discover how much help I need from others. MAY 24 \"HAPPY, JOYOUS AND FREE\" We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is vale of tears, though it once was just that for many f us. But it is clear that we made our own misery, rod didn't do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 133 For years I believed in a punishing God and blamed him for my misery. I have learned that I must lay down the \"weapons\" of self in order to pick up the \"tools\" of the A.A. program. I do not struggle with he program because it is a gift and I have never struggled when receiving a gift. If I sometimes keep MI struggling, it is because I'm still hanging onto my old ideas and \" . . . the results are nil.\" MAY 25 PROGRESSIVE GRATITUDE Gratitude should go forward, rather than backward. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 29 I am very grateful that my Higher Power has given me a second chance to live a worthwhile life. Through Alcoholics Anonymous, I have been restored to sanity. The promises are being fulfilled in my life. I am grateful to be free from the slavery of alcohol. I am grateful for peace of mind and the opportunity to grow, but my gratitude should go forward rather than backward. I cannot stay sober on yesterday's meetings or past Twelfth-Step calls; I need to put my gratitude into action today. Our co-founder said our gratitude can best be shown by carrying the message to others. Without action, my gratitude is just a pleasant emotion. I need to put it into action by working Step Twelve, by carrying the message and practicing the principles in all my affairs. I am grateful for the chance to carry the message today! MAY 26 TURNING NEGATIVE TO POSITIVE Our spiritual and emotional growth in A.A. does not depend so deeply upon success as it does upon our failures and setbacks. If you will bear this in mind, I think that your slip will have the effect of kicking you upstairs, instead of down. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 184 In keeping with the pain and adversity which our founders encountered and overcame in establishing A.A., Bill W. sent us a clear message: a relapse can provide a positive experience toward abstinence and a lifetime of recovery. A relapse brings truth to what we hear repeatedly in meetings\"Don't take that first drink!\" It reinforces the belief in the progressive nature of the disease, and it drives home the need for, and beauty of, humility in our spiritual program. Simple truths come in complicated ways to me when I become ego driven. MAY 27 NO MAUDLIN GUILT Day by day, we try to move a little toward God's perfection. So we need not be consumed by maudlin guilt. . . . AS BILL SEES IT, p. 15 When I first discovered that there is not a single \"don't\" in the Twelve Steps of A.A., I was disturbed because this discovery swung open a giant portal. Only then was I able to realize what A.A. is for me: A.A. is not a program of \"don'ts, but of \"do's.\" A.A. is not martial law; it is freedom. A.A. is not tears over defects, but sweat over fixing them. A.A. is not penitence; it is salvation. A.A. is not \"Woe to me\" for my sins, past and present. A.A. is \"Praise God\" for the progress I am making today. MAY 28 EQUAL RIGHTS At one time or another most A.A. groups go on rulemaking benders. . . . After a time fear and intolerance subside, [and we realize] W e do not wish to deny anyone his chance to recover from alcoholism. W e wish to be just as inclusive as we can, never exclusive. \"A.A. TRADITION: HOW IT DEVELOPED,\" pp. 10, 11, 12 A.A. offered me complete freedom and accepted me into the Fellowship for myself. Membership did not depend upon conformity, financial success or education and I am so grateful for that. I often ask myself if I extend the same equality to others or if I deny them the freedom to be different. Today I try to replace my fear and intolerance with faith, patience, love and acceptance. I can bring these strengths to my A.A. group, my home and my office. I make an effort to bring my positive attitude everywhere that I go. I have neither the right, nor the responsibility, to judge others. Depending on my attitude I can view newcomers to A.A., family members and friends as menaces or as teachers. When I think of some of my past judgments, it is clear how my self-righteousness caused me spiritual harm. MAY 29 TRUE TOLERANCE The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 139 I first heard the short form of the Third Tradition in the Preamble. When I came to A.A. I could not accept myself, my alcoholism, or a Higher Power. If there had been any physical, mental, moral, or religious requirements for membership, I would be dead today. Bill W. said in his tape on the Traditions that the Third Tradition is a charter for individual freedom. The most impressive thing to me was the feeling of acceptance from members who were practicing the Third Tradition by tolerating and accepting me. I feel acceptance is love and love is God's will for us. MAY 30 OUR PRIMARY PURPOSE The more A.A. sticks to its primary purpose, the greater will be its helpful influence everywhere. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 109 It is with gratitude that I reflect on the early days of our Fellowship and those wise and loving \"foresteppers\" who proclaimed that we should not be diverted from our primary purpose, that of carrying the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. I desire to impart respect to those who labor in the field of alcoholism, being ever mindful that A.A. endorses no causes other than its own. I must remember that A.A. has no monopoly on miracle-making and I remain humbly grateful to a loving God who made A.A. possible. MAY 31 READINESS TO SERVE OTHERS . . . our Society has concluded that it has but one high missionto carry the A.A. message to those who don't know there's a way out TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 151 The \"Light\" to freedom shines bright on my fellow alcoholics as each one of us challenges the other to grow. The \"Steps\" to self-improvement have small beginnings, but each Step builds the \"ladder\" out of the pit of despair to new hope. Honesty becomes my \"tool\" to unfurl the \"chains\" which bound me. A sponsor, who is a caring listener, can help me to truly hear the message guiding me to freedom. I ask God for the courage to live in such a way that the Fellowship may be a testimony to His favor. This mission frees me to share my gifts of wellness through a spirit of readiness to serve others.  JUNE 1 A CHANGED OUTLOOK Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 When I was drinking, my attitude was totally selfish, totally self-centered; my pleasure and my comfort came first. Now that I am sober, self-seeking has started to slip away. My whole attitude toward life and other people is changing. For me, the first \"A\" in our name stands for attitude. My attitude is changed by the second \"A\" in our name, which stands for action. By working the Steps, attending meetings, and carrying the message, I can be re-stored to sanity. Action is the magic word! With a positive, helpful attitude and regular A.A. action, I can stay sober and help others to achieve sobriety. My attitude now is that I am willing to go to any length to stay sober! JUNE 2 THE UPWARD PATH Here are the steps we took. . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59 These are the words that lead into the Twelve Steps. In their direct simplicity they sweep aside all psychological and philosophical considerations about the lightness of the Steps. They describe what I did: I took the Steps and sobriety was the result. These words do not imply that I should walk the well-trodden path of those who went before, but rather that there is a way for me to become sober and that it is a way I shall have to find. It is a new path, one that leads to infinite light at the top of the mountain. The Steps advise me about the footholds that are safe and about chasms to avoid. They provide me with the tools I need during the many parts of the solitary journey of my soul. When I speak of this journey, I share my experience, strength and hope with others. JUNE 3 ON A WING AND A PRAYER . . . we then look at Step Six. W e have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76 Steps Four and Five were difficult, but worthwhile. Now I was stuck on Step Six and, in despair, I picked up the Big Book and read this passage. I was outside, praying for willingness, when I raised my eyes and saw a huge bird rising in the sky. I watched it suddenly give itself up to the powerful air currents of the mountains. Swept along, swooping and soaring, the bird did things seemingly im-possible for mortal birds to do. It was an inspiring example of a fellow creature \"letting go\" to a power greater than itself. I realized that if the bird \"took back his will\" and tried to fly with less trust, on its power alone, it would spoil its apparent free flight. That insight granted me the willingness to pray the Seventh Step prayer. It's not easy to know God's will in each circumstance. I must search out and be ready for the currents, and that's where prayer and meditation help! Because I am, of myself, nothing, I ask God to grant me the knowledge of His will and the power and courage to carry it outtoday. JUNE 4 LETTING GO OF OUR OLD SELVES Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. . . . Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 75, 76 The Sixth Step is the last \"preparation\" Step. Although I have already used prayer extensively, I have made no formal request of my Higher Power in the first Six Steps. I have identified my problem, come to believe that there is a solution, made a decision to seek this solution, and have \"cleaned house.\" I now ask: Am I willing to live a life of sobriety, of change, to let go of my old self? I must determine if I am truly ready to change. I review what I have done and become willing for God to remove all my defects of character; for in the next Step, I will tell my Creator I am willing and will ask for help. If I have been thorough in the preparation of my foundation and feel that I am willing to change, I am then ready to continue with the next Step. \"If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.\" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 76) JUNE 5 ENTIRELY READY? \"This is the Step that separates the men from the boys \" . . . the difference between \"the boys and the men\" is the difference between striving for a self-determined objective and for the perfect objective which is of God. . . . It is suggested that we ought to become entirely willing to aim toward perfection. . . . The moment we say, \"No, never!\" our minds close against the grace of God. . . . This is the exact point at which we abandon limited objectives, and move toward God's will for us TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 63, 68, 69 Am I entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character? Do I know at long last that I cannot save myself? I have come to believe that I cannot. If I am unable, if my best intentions go wrong, if my desires are selfishly motivated and if my knowledge and will are limitedthen I am ready to embrace God's will for my life. JUNE 6 ALL WE DO IS TRY Can He now take them allevery one? ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76 In doing Step Six it helped me a lot to remember that I am striving for \"spiritual progress.\" Some of my character defects may be with me for the rest of my life, but most have been toned down or eliminated. All that Step Six asks of me is to become willing to name my defects, claim them as my own, and be willing to discard the ones I can, just for today. As I grow in the program, many of my defects become more objectionable to me than previously and, therefore, I need to repeat Step Six so that I can become happier with myself and maintain my serenity. JUNE 7 LONG-TERM HOPE Since most of us are born with an abundance of natural desires, it isn't strange that we often let these far exceed their intended purpose. When they drive us blindly, or we willfully demand that they supply us with more satisfactions or pleasures than are possible or due us, that is the point at which we depart from the degree of perfection that God wishes for us here on earth. That is the measure of our character defects, or, if you wish, of our sins. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 65 This is where long-term hope is born and perspective is gained, both of the nature of my illness and the path of my recovery. The beauty of A.A. lies in knowing that my life, with God's help, will improve. The A.A. journey becomes richer, the understanding becomes truth, the dreams become realitiesand today becomes forever. As I step into the A.A. light, my heart fills with the presence of God. JUNE 8 OPENING UP TO CHANGE Self-searching is the means by which we bring new vision, action, and grace to bear upon the dark and negative side of our natures With it comes the development of that kind of humility that makes it possible for us to receive God's help. . . . we find that bit by bit we can discard the old lifethe one that did not workfor a new life that can and does work under any conditions whatever. AS BILL SEES IT, pp. 10, 8 I have been given a daily reprieve contingent upon my spiritual condition, provided I seek progress, not perfection. To become ready for change, I practice willingness, opening myself to possibilities of change. If I realize there are defects that hinder my usefulness in A.A. and toward others, I become ready by meditating and receiving direction. \"Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely\" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 58). To let go and let God, I need only surrender my old ways to Him; I no longer fight nor do I try to control, but simply believe that, with God's help, I am changed and affirming this belief makes me ready. I empty myself to be full of awareness, light, and love, and I am ready to face each day with hope. JUNE 9 LIVING IN THE NOW First, we try living in the now just in order to stay sober and it works Once the idea has become a part of our thinking we find that living life in 24-hour segments is an effective and satisfying way to handle many other matters as well LIVING SOBER, p. 7 \"One Day At A Time.\" To a newcomer this and other oneliners of A.A. may seem ridiculous. The passwords of the A.A. Fellowship can become lifelines in moments of stress. Each day can be like a rose unfurling according to the plan of a Power greater than myself. My program should be planted in the right location, just as it will need to be groomed, nourished, and protected from disease. My planting will require patience, and my realizing that some flowers will be more perfect than others. Each stage of the petals' unfolding can bring wonder and delight if I do not interfere or let my expectations override my acceptanceand this brings serenity. JUNE 10 IMPATIENT? TRY LEVITATING We reacted more strongly to frustrations than normal people. AS BILL SEES IT, p. I l l Impatience with other people is one of my principal failings. Following a slow car in a no-passing lane, or waiting in a restaurant for the check, drives me to distraction. Before I give God a chance to slow me down, I explode, and that's what I call being quicker than God. That repeated experience gave me an idea. I thought if I could look down on these events from God's point of view, I might better control my feelings and behavior. I tried it and when I encountered the next slow driver, I levitated and looked down on the other car and upon myself. I saw an elderly couple driving along, happily chatting about their grandchildren. They were followed by mebug-eyed and red of facewho had no time schedule to meet anyway. I looked so silly that I dropped back into reality and slowed down. Seeing things from God's angle of vision can be very relaxing. JUNE 11 FAMILY OBLIGATIONS . . . a spiritual life which does not include . . . family obligations may not be so perfect after all. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 129 I can be doing great in the programapplying it at meetings, at work, and in service activitiesand find that things have gone to pieces at home. I expect my loved ones to understand, but they cannot. I expect them to see and value my progress, but they don'tunless I show them. Do I neglect their needs and desires for my attention and concern? When I'm around them, am I irritable or boring? Are my \"amends\" a mumbled \"Sorry,\" or do they take the form of patience and tolerance? Do I preach to them, trying to reform or \"fix\" them? Have I ever really cleaned house with them! \"The spiritual life is not a theory. W e have to live it\" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 83). JUNE 12 FORMING TRUE PARTNERSHIPS But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 53 Can these words apply to me, am I still unable to form a true partnership with another human being? What a terrible handicap that would be for me to carry into my sober life! In my sobriety I will meditate and pray to discover how I may be a trusted friend and companion. JUNE 13 LIVING OUR AMENDS \"Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. The entire family is, to some extent, ill.\" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 122 It is important for me to realize that, as an alcoholic, I not only hurt myself, but also those around me. Making amends to my family, and to the families of alcoholics still suffering, will always be important. Understanding the havoc I created and trying to repair the destruction, will be a lifelong endeavor. The example of my sobriety may give others hope, and faith to help themselves. JUNE 14 WHEN THE GOING GETS ROUGH It is a design for living that works in rough going. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 15 When I came to A.A., I realized that A.A. worked wonderfully to help keep me sober. But could it work on real life problems, not concerned with drinking? I had my doubts. After being sober for more than two years I got my answer. I lost my job, developed physical problems, my diabetic father lost a leg, and someone I loved left me for another and all of this happened during a two-week pe-riod. Reality crashed in, yet A.A. was there to support, comfort, and strengthen me. The principles I had learned during my early days of sobriety became a mainstay of my life for not only did I come through, but I never stopped being able to help newcomers. A.A. taught me not to be overwhelmed, but rather to accept and understand my life as it unfolded. JUNE 15 MAKING A.A. YOUR HIGHER POWER \". . . Yo u can . . . make A.A. itself your 'higher power.' Here's a very large group of people who have solved their alcohol problem. . . . many members . . . have crossed the threshold just this way. . . . their faith broadened and deepened. . . . transformed, they came to believe in a Higher Power. . . . \" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 27-28 No one was greater than I, at least in my eyes, when I was drinking. Nevertheless, I couldn't smile at myself in the mirror, so I came to A.A. where, with others, I heard talk of a Higher Power. I couldn't accept the concept of a Higher Power because I believed God was cruel and unloving. In desperation I chose a table, a tree, then my A.A. group, as my Higher Power. Time passed, my life improved, and I began to wonder about this Higher Power. Gradually, with patience, humility and a lot of questions, I came to believe in God. Now my relationship with my Higher Power gives me the strength to live a happy, sober life. JUNE 16 OPEN-MINDEDNESS We have found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him. To us, the realm of spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive, never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all men. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 7 Open-mindedness to concepts of a Higher Power can open doors to the spirit. Often I find the human spirit in various dogmas and faiths. I can be spiritual in the sharing of myself. The sharing of self joins me to the human race and brings me closer to God, as I understand Him. JUNE 17 \"DEEP DOWN WITHIN US\" We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found. . . . search diligently within yourself. . . . With this attitude you cannot fail. The consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 55 It was out of the depths of loneliness, depression and despair that I sought the help of A.A. As I recovered and began to face the emptiness and ruin of my life, I began to open myself to the possibility of the healing that recovery offers through the A.A. program. By coining to meetings, staying sober, and taking the Steps, I had the opportunity to listen with increasing attentiveness to the depths of my soul. Daily I waited, in hope and gratitude, for that sure belief and steadfast love I had longed for in my life. In this process, I met my God, as I understand Him. JUNE 18 A FELLOWSHIP OF FREEDOM . . . if only men were granted absolute liberty, and were compelled to obey no one, they would then voluntarily associate themselves in the common interest AS BILL SEES IT, p. 50 When I no longer live under the dictates of another or of alcohol, I live in a new freedom. When I release the past and all the excess baggage I have carried for so very long, I come to know freedom. I have been introduced into a life and a fellowship of freedom. The Steps are a \"recommended\" way of finding a new life, there are no commands or dictates in A.A. I am free to serve from desire rather than decree. There is the understanding that I will benefit from the growth of other members and I take what I learn and bring it back to the group. The \"common welfare\" finds room to grow in the society of personal freedom. JUNE 19 \"A.A. REGENERATION\" Such is the paradox of A.A. regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, the loss of one's old life as a condition for finding a new one. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 46 A thousand beatings by John Barleycorn did not encourage me to admit defeat. I believed it was my moral obligation to conquer my \"enemy-friend.\" At my first A.A. meeting I was blessed with a feeling that it was all right to admit defeat to a disease which had nothing to do with my \"moral fiber.\" I knew instinctively that I was in the presence of a great love when I entered the doors of A.A. With no effort on my part, I became aware that to love myself was good and right, as God had intended. My feelings set me free, where my thoughts had held me in bondage. I am grateful. JUNE 20 RELEASE FROM FEAR The problem of resolving fear has two aspects. W e shall have to try for all the freedom from fear that is possible for us to attain. Then we shall need to find both the courage and grace to deal constructively with whatever fears remain. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 61 Most of my decisions were based on fear. Alcohol made life easier to face, but the time came when alcohol was no longer an alternative to fear. One of the greatest gifts in A.A. for me has been the courage to take action, which I can do with God's help. After five years of sobriety I had to deal with a heavy dose of fear. God put the people in my life to help me do that and, through my working the Twelve Steps, I am becoming the whole person I wish to be and, for that, I am deeply grateful. JUNE 21 The achievement of freedom from fear is a lifetime undertaking, one that can never be wholly completed. When under heavy attack, acute illness, or in other conditions of serious insecurity, we shall all act to this emotionwell or badly, as the case may be. Only the self-deceived w ill claim perfect freedom from fear. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 263 Fear has caused suffering when I could have had more faith. There are times when fear suddenly tears me apart, just when I'm experiencing feelings of joy, happiness and a lightness of heart. Faith and a feeling of self-worth toward a Higher Powerhelps me endure tragedy and ecstasy. When I choose to give all of my fears over to my Higher Power, I will be free. JUNE 22 TODAY, I'M FREE This brought me to the good healthy realization that there were plenty of situations left in the world over which I had no personal powerthat if I was so ready to admit that to be the case with alcohol, s o I must make the same admission with respect to much else. I would have to be still and know that He, not I, was God. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 114 I am learning to practice acceptance in all circumstances of my life, so that I may enjoy peace of mind. At one time life was a constant battle because I felt I had to go through each day fighting myself, and everyone else. Eventually, this became a losing battle. I ended up getting drunk and crying over my misery. When I began to let go and let God take over my life I began to have peace of mind. Today, I am free. I do not have to fight anybody or anything anymore. JUNE 23 TRUSTING OTHERS But does trust require that we be blind to other people's motives or, indeed, to our own? Not at all; this would be folly. Most certainly, we should assess the capacity for harm as well as the capability for good in every person that we would trust. Such a private inventory can reveal the degree of confidence we should extend in any given situation. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 144 I am not a victim of others, but rather a victim of my expectations, choices and dishonesty. When I expect others to be what I want them to be and not who they are, when they fail to meet my expectations, I am hurt. When my choices are based on self-centeredness, I find I am lonely and distrustful. I gain confidence in myself, however, when I practice honesty in all my affairs. When I search my motives and am honest and trusting, I am aware of the capacity for harm in situations and can avoid those that are harmful. JUNE 24 A SPIRITUAL KINDERGARTEN We are only operating a spiritual kindergarten in which people are enabled to get over drinking and find the grace to go on living to better effect AS BILL SEES IT, p. 95 When I came to A.A., I was run down by the bottle and wanted to lose the obsession to drink, but I didn't really know how to do that. I decided to stick around long enough to find out from the ones who went before me. All of a sudden I was thinking about God! I was told to get a Higher Power and I had no idea what one looked like. I found out there are many Higher Powers. I was told to find God, as I understand Him, that there was no doctrine of the Godhead in A.A. I found what worked for me and then asked that Power to restore me to sanity. The obsession to drink was removed andone day at a timemy life went on, and I learned how to five sober. JUNE 25 A TWO-WAY STREET If we ask, God will certainly forgive our derelictions. But in no case does He render us white as snow and keep us that way without our cooperation. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 65 When I prayed, I used to omit a lot of things for which I needed to be forgiven. I thought that if I didn't mention these things to God, He would never know about them. I did not know that if I had just forgiven myself for some of my past deeds, God would forgive me also. I was always taught to prepare for the journey through life, never realizing until I came to A.A.when I honestly became willing to be taught forgiveness and forgivingthat life itself is the journey. The journey of life is a very happy one, as long as I am willing to accept change and responsibility. JUNE 26 A GIFT THAT GROWS WITH TIME For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 151 The longer I chased these elusive feelings with alcohol, the more out of reach they were. However, by applying this passage to my sobriety, I found that it described the magnificent new life made available to me by the A.A. program. \"It\" truly does \"get better\" one day at a time. The warmth, the love and the joy so simply expressed in these words grow in breadth and depth each time I read it. Sobriety is a gift that grows with time. JUNE 27 CONFORMING TO THE A.A. WAY We obey A.A. 's Steps and Traditions because we really want them for ourselves. It is no longer a question of good or evil; we conform because we genuinely want to conform Such is our process of growth in unity and function. Such is the evidence of God's grace and love among us. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 106 It is fun to watch myself grow in A.A. I fought conformity to A.A. principles from the moment I entered, but I learned from the pain of my belligerence that, in choosing to live the A. A. way of life, I opened myself to God's grace and love. Then I began to know the full meaning of being a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. JUNE 28 THE DETERMINATION OF OUR FOUNDERS A year and six months later these three had succeeded with seven more. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 159 If it had not been for the fierce determination of our founders, A.A. would have quickly faded like so many other so-called good causes. I look at the hundreds of meetings weekly in the city where I five and I know A.A. is available twenty-four hours a day. If I had had to hang on with nothing but hope and a desire not to drink, experiencing rejection wherever I went, I would have sought the easier, softer way and returned to my previous way of life. JUNE 29 A RIPPLING EFFECT Having learned to live so happily, we'd show everyone else how. . . . Yes, we of A.A. did dream those dreams. How natural that was, since most alcoholics are bankrupt idealists. . . . So why shouldn't we share our way of life with everyone? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 156 The great discovery of sobriety led me to feel the need to spread the \"good news\" to the world around me. The grandiose thoughts of my drinking days returned. Later, I learned that concentrating on my own recovery was a full-time process. As I became a sober citizen in this world, I observed a rippling effect which, without any conscious effort on my part, reached any \"related facility or outside enterprise,\" without diverting me from my primary purpose of staying sober and helping other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. JUNE 30 SACRIFICE = UNITY = SURVIVAL The unity, the effectiveness, and even the survival of A.A. will always depend u pon our continued willingness to give up some of our personal ambitions and desires for the common safety and welfare. Just as sacrifice means survival for the individual alcoholic, so does sacrifice mean unity and survival for the group and for A.A. 's entire Fellowship. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 220 I have learned that I must sacrifice some of my personality traits for the good of A.A. and, as a result, I have been rewarded with many gifts. False pride can be inflated through prestige but, by living Tradition Six, I receive the gift of humility instead. Cooperation without affiliation is often deceiving. If I remain unrelated to outside interests, I am free to keep A.A. autonomous. Then the Fellowship will be here, healthy and strong for generations to come. JULY 1 THE BEST FOR TODAY The principles we have set down are guides to progress ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 60 Just as a sculptor will use different tools to achieve desired effects in creating a work of art, in Alcoholics Anonymous the Twelve Steps are used to bring about results in my own life. I do not overwhelm myself with life's problems, and how much more work needs to be done. I let myself be comforted in knowing that my life is now in the hands of my Higher Power, a master craftsman who is shaping each part of my life into a unique work of art. By working my program I can be satisfied, knowing that \"in doing the best that we can for today, we are doing all that God asks of us.\" JULY 2 THE HEART OF TRUE SOBRIETY We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty and open-mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 570 Am I honest enough to accept myself as I am and let this be the \"me\" that I let others see? Do I have the willingness to go to any length, to do whatever is necessary to stay sober? Do I have the open-mindedness to hear what I have to hear, to think what I have to think, and to feel what I have to feel? If my answer to these questions is \"Yes,\" I know enough about the spirituality of the program to stay sober. As I continue to work the Twelve Steps, I move on to the heart of true sobriety: serenity with myself, with others, and with God as I understand Him. JULY 3 EXPERIENCE: THE BEST TEACHER Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 87 Some say that experience is the best teacher, but I believe that experience is the only teacher. I have been able to learn of God's love for me only by the experience of my dependence on that love. At first I could not be sure of His direction in my life, but now I see that if I am to be bold enough to ask for His guidance, I must act as if He has provided it. I frequently ask God to help me remember that He has a path for me. JULY 4 A NATURAL FAITH . . . deep down in every man, woman and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. F or faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 55 I have seen the workings of the unseen God in A.A. rooms around the country. Miracles of recovery are everywhere in evidence. I now believe that God is in these rooms and in my heart. Today faith is as natural to me, a former agnostic, as breathing, eating and sleeping. The Twelve Steps have helped to change my life in many ways, but none is more effective than the acquisition of a Higher Power. JULY 5 A NEW DIRECTION Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly. . . . Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all our activities. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 45, 85 I hear talk of the \"weak-willed\" alcoholic, but I am one of the strongest-willed people on earth! I now know that my incredible strength of will is not enough to save my life. My problem is not one of \"weakness,\" but rather of direction. When I, without falsely diminishing myself, accept my honest limitations and turn to God's guidance, my worst faults become my greatest assets. My strong will, rightly directed, keeps me working until the promises of the program become my daily reality. JULY 6 IDENTIFYING FEAR . . . The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear. . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 76 When I feel uncomfortable, irritated, or depressed, I look for fear. This \"evil and corroding thread\" is the root of my distress: Fear of failure; fear of others' opinions; fear of harm, and many other fears. I have found a Higher Power who does not want me to live in fear and, as a result, the experience of A.A. in my life is freedom and joy. I am no longer willing to live with the multitude of character de-fects that characterized my life while I was drinking. Step Seven is my vehicle to freedom from these defects. I pray for help in identifying the fear underneath the defect, and then I ask God to relieve me of that fear. This method works for me without fail and is one of the great miracles of my life in Alcoholics Anonymous. JULY 7 . . . AND LETTING GO OF IT . . . primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration. Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands The difference between a demand and a simple request is plain to anyone. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 76 Peace is possible for me only when I let go of expectations. When I'm trapped in thoughts about what I want and what should be coming to me, I'm in a state of fear or anxious anticipation and this is not conducive to emotional sobriety. I must surrender over and overto the reality of my dependence on God, for then I find peace, gratitude and spiritual security. JULY 8 AN EVER-GROWING FREEDOM The Seventh Step is where we make the change in our attitude which permits us, with humility as our guide, to move out from ourselves toward others and toward God. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 76 When I finally asked God to remove those things blocking me from Him and the sunlight of the Spirit, I embarked on a journey more glorious than I ever imagined. I experienced a freedom from those characteristics that had me wrapped up in myself. Because of this humbling Step, I feel clean. I am especially aware of this Step because I'm now able to be useful to God and to my fellows. I know that He has granted me strength to do His bidding and has prepared me for anyone, and anything, that comes my way today. I am truly in His hands, and I give thanks for the joy that I can be useful today. JULY 9 I AM AN INSTRUMENT Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 70 The subject of humility is a difficult one. Humility is not thinking less of myself than I ought to; it is acknowledging that I do certain things well, it is accepting a compliment graciously. God can only do for me what He can do through me. Humility is the result of knowing that God is the doer, not me. In the light of this awareness, how can I take pride in my accomplishments? I am an instrument and any work I seem to be doing is being done by God through me. I ask God on a daily basis to remove my shortcomings, in order that I may more freely go about my A.A. business of \"love and service.\" JULY 10 TOWARD PEACE AND SERENITY . . . when we have taken a square look at some of these defects, have discussed them with another, and have become willing to have them removed, our thinking about humility commences to have a wider meaning. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 74 When situations arise which destroy my serenity, pain often motivates me to ask God for clarity in seeing my part in the situation. Admitting my powerlessness, I humbly pray for acceptance. I try to see how my character defects contributed to the situation. Could I have been more patient? Was I intolerant? Did I insist on having my own way? Was I afraid? As my defects are revealed, I put self-reliance aside and humbly ask God to remove my shortcomings. The situation may not change, but as I practice exercising humility, I enjoy the peace and serenity which are the natural benefits of placing my reliance in a power greater than myself. JULY 11 A TURNING POINT A great turning point in our lives came when we sought for humility as something we really wanted, rather than as something we must have. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 75 Either the A.A. way of life becomes one of joy or I return to the darkness and despair of alcoholism. Joy comes to me when my attitude concerning God and humility turns to one of desire rather than of burden. The darkness in my life changes to radiant light when I arrive at the realization that being truthful and honest in dealing with my inventory results in my life being filled with serenity, freedom, and joy. Trust in my Higher Power deepens, and the flush of gratitude spreads through my being. I am convinced that being humble is being truthful and honest in dealing with myself and God. It is then that humility is something I \"really want,\" rather than being \"something I must have.\" JULY 12 GIVING UP CENTER STAGE For without some degree of humility, no alcoholic can stay sober at all . . . Without it, they cannot live to much useful purpose, or, in adversity, be able to summon the faith that can meet any emergency. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 70 Why do I balk at the word \"humility?\" I am not humbling myself toward other people, but toward God, as I understand Him. Hu mility means \"to show submissive respect,\" and by being humble I realize I am not the center of the universe. When I was drinking, I was consumed by pride and self-centeredness. I felt the entire world revolved around me, that I was master of my destiny. Humility enables me to depend more on God to help me overcome obstacles, to help me with my own imperfections, so that I may grow spiritually. I must solve more difficult problems to increase my proficiency and, as I encounter life's stumbling blocks, I must learn to overcome them through God's help. Daily communion with God demonstrates my humility and provides me with the realization that an entity more powerful than I is willing to help me if I cease trying to play God myself. JULY 13 HUMILITY IS A GIFT As long as we placed self-reliance first, a genuine reliance upon a Higher Power was out of the question. That basic ingredient of all humility, a desire to seek and do God's will, was missing. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 72 When I first came to A.A., I wanted to find some of the elusive quality called humility. I didn't realize I was looking for humility because I thought it would help me get what I wanted, and that I would do anything for others if I thought God would somehow reward me for it. I try to remember now that the people I meet in the course of my day are as close to God as I am ever going to get while on this earth. I need to pray for knowledge of God's will today, and see how my experience with hope and pain can help other people; if I can do that, I don't need to search for humility, it has found me. JULY 14 A NOURISHING INGREDIENT Where humility had formerly stood for a forced feeding on humble pie, it now begins to mean the nourishing ingredient which can give us serenity. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 74 How often do I focus on my problems and frustrations? When I am having a \"good day\" these same problems shrink in importance and my preoccupation with them dwindles. Wouldn't it be better if I could find a key to unlock the \"magic\" of my \"good days\" for use on the woes of my \"bad days?\" I already have the solution! Instead of trying to run away from my pain and wish my problems away, I can pray for humility! Humility will heal the pain. Humility will take me out of myself. Humility, that strength granted to me by that \"power greater than myself,\" is mine for the asking! Humil-ity will bring balance back into my life. Humility will allow me to accept my humanness joyously. JULY 15 PRIDE For thousands of years we have been demanding more than our share of security, prestige, and romance. When we seemed to be succeeding, we drank to dream still greater dreams. When we were frustrated, even in part, we drank for oblivion. Never was there enough of what we thought we wanted. In all these strivings, so many of them well-intentioned, our crippling handicap had been our lack of humility. W e had lacked the perspective to see that character-building and spiritual values had to come first, and that material satisfactions were not the purpose of living. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 71 Time and again I approached the Seventh Step, only to fall back and regroup. Something was missing and the impact of the Step escaped me. What had I overlooked? A single word: read but ignored, the foundation of all the Steps, indeed the entire Alcoholics Anonymous programthat word is \"humbly.\" I understood my shortcomings: I constantly put tasks off; I angered easily; I felt too much self-pity; and I thought, why me? Then I remembered, \"Pride goeth before the fall,\" and I eliminated pride from my life. JULY 16 \"A MEASURE OF HUMILITY\" In every case, pain had been the price of admission into a new life. But this admission price had purchased more than we expected It brought a measure of humility, which we soon discovered to be a healer of pain. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 75 It was painful to give up trying to control my life, even though success eluded me, and when life got too rough, I drank to escape. Accepting life on life's terms will be mastered through the humility I experience when I turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him. With my life in God's care, fear, uncertainty, and anger are no longer my response to those portions of life that I would rather not have happen to me. The pain of living through these times will be healed by the knowledge that I have received the spiritual strength to survive. JULY 17 SURRENDER AND SELF-EXAMINATION My stability came out of trying to give, not out of demanding that I receive. Thus I think it can work out with emotional sobriety. If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root of it some unhealthy dependency and its consequent unhealthy demand. Let us, with God's help, continually surrender these hobbling demands. Then we can be set free to live and love; we may then be able to Twelfth Step ourselves and others into emotional sobriety. THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 238 Years of dependency on alcohol as a chemical moodchanger deprived me of the capability to interact emotionally with my fellows. I thought I had to be self-sufficient, self-reliant, and self-motivated in a world of unreliable people. Finally I lost my self-respect and was left with dependency, lacking any ability to trust myself or to believe in anything. Surrender and self-examination while sharing with newcomers helped me to ask humbly for help. JULY 18 GRATEFUL FOR WHAT I HAVE During this process of learning more about humility, the most profound result of all was the change in our attitude toward God. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 75 Today my prayers consist mostly of saying thank you to my Higher Power for my sobriety and for the wonder of God's abundance, but I need to ask also for help and the power to carry out His will for me. I no longer need God each minute to rescue me from the situations I get myself into by not doing His will. Now my gratitude seems to be directly linked to humility. As long as I have the humility to be grateful for what I have, God continues to provide for me. JULY 19 FALSE PRIDE Many of us who had thought ourselves religious awoke to the limitations of this attitude. Refusing to place God first, we had deprived ourselves of His help. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 75 Many false notions operate in false pride. The need for direction to live a decent life is satisfied by the hope experienced in the A.A. Fellowship. Those who have walked the way for yearsa day at a timesay that a God-centered life has limitless possibilities for personal growth. This being so, much hope is transmitted by the elder A.A.s. I thank my Higher Power for letting me know that He works through other people, and I thank Him for our trusted servants in the Fellowship who aid new members to reject their false ideals and to adopt those which lead to a life of compassion and trust. The elders in A.A. challenge the newcomers to \"Come To\"so that they can \"Come to Believe.\" I ask my Higher Power to help my unbelief. JULY 20 SHORTCOMINGS REMOVED But now the words \"Of myself I am nothing, the Father doeth the works\" began to carry bright promise and meaning. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 75 When I put the Seventh Step into action I must remember that there are no blanks to fill in. It doesn't say, \"Humbly asked Him to (fill in the blank) remove our shortcomings.\" For years, I filled in the imaginary blank with \"Help me!\" \"Give me the courage to,\" and \"Give me the strength,\" etc. The Step says simply that God will remove my shortcomings. The only footwork I must do is \"humbly ask,\" which for me means asking with the knowledge that of myself I am nothing, the Father within \"doeth the works.\" JULY 21 A PRICELESS GIFT By this time in all probability we have gained some measure of release from our more devastating handicaps. W e enjoy moments in which there is something like real peace of mind. To those of us who have hitherto known only excitement, depression, or anxietyin other words, to all of usthis newfound peace is a priceless gift. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 74 I am learning to let go and let God, to have a mind that is open and a heart that is willing to receive God's grace in all my affairs; in this way I can experience the peace and freedom that come as a result of surrender. It has been proven that an act of surrender, originating in desperation and defeat, can grow into an ongoing act of faith, and that faith means freedom and victory. JULY 22 \"THE GOOD AND THE BAD\" \"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad.\" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76 The joy of life is in the giving. Being freed of my shortcomings, that I may more freely be of service, allows humility to grow in me. My shortcomings can be humbly placed in God's loving care and be removed. The essence of Step Seven is humility, and what better way to seek humility than by giving all of myselfgood and badto God, so that He may remove the bad and return to me the good. JULY 23 I ASK GOD TO DECIDE \"I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows \" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76 Having admitted my powerlessness and made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him, I don't decide which defects get removed, or the order in which defects get removed, or the time frame in which they get removed. I ask God to decide which defects stand in the way of my usefulness to Him and to others, and then I humbly ask Him to remove them. JULY 24 HELPING OTHERS Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 20 Self-centeredness was my problem. All my life people had been doing things for me and I not only expected it, but I was ungrateful and resentful they didn't do more. Why should I help others, when they were supposed to help me? If others had troubles, didn't they deserve them? I was filled with self-pity, anger and resentment. Then I learned that by helping others, with no thought of return, I could overcome this obsession with selfishness, and if I understood humility, I would know peace and serenity. No longer do I need to drink. JULY 25 THOSE WHO STILL SUFFER For us, if we neglect those who are still sick, there is unremitting danger to our own lives and sanity. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 151 I know the torment of drinking compulsively to quiet my nerves and my fears. I also know the pain of whiteknuckled sobriety. Today, I do not forget the unknown person who suffers quietly, withdrawn and hiding in the desperate relief of drinking. I ask my Higher Power to give me His guidance and the courage to be willing to be His instrument to carry within me compassion and unselfish actions. Let the group continue to give me the strength to do with others what I cannot do alone. JULY 26 THE \"WORTH\" OF SOBRIETY Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 160 When I go shopping I look at the prices and if I need what I see, I buy it and pay. Now that I am supposed to be in rehabilitation, I have to straighten out my life. When I go to a meeting, I take a coffee with sugar and milk, sometimes more than one. But at the collection time, I am either too busy to take money out of my purse, or I do not have enough, but I am there because I need this meeting. I heard someone suggest dropping the price of a beer into the basket, and I thought, that's too much! I almost never give one dollar. Like many others, I rely on the more generous members to finance the Fellowship. I forget that it takes money to rent the meeting room, buy my milk, sugar and cups. I will pay, without hesitation, ninety cents for a cup of coffee at a restaurant after the meeting; I always have money for that. So, how much is my sobriety and my inner peace worth? JULY 27 GIVING FREELY W e will make every pers onal sacrifice necessary to insure the unity of Alcoholics Anonymous. W e will do this because we have learned to love God and one another. A.A. COMES OF AGE , p. 234 To be self-supporting through my own contributions was never a strong characteristic during my days as a practicing alcoholic. The giving of time or money always demanded a price tag. As a newcomer I was told \"we have to give it away in order to keep it.\" As I began to adopt the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous in my life, I soon found it was a privilege to give to the Fellowship as an expression of the gratitude I felt in my heart. My love of God and of others became the motivating factor in my life, with no thought of return. I realize now that giving freely is God's way of expressing Himself through me. JULY 28 THOSE WHO STILL SUFFER Let us resist the proud assumption that since God has enabled us to do well in one area we are destined to be a channel of saving grace for everybody. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 232 A.A. groups exist to help alcoholics achieve sobriety. Large or small, firmly established or brand-new, speaker, discussion or study, each group has but one reason for being: to carry the message to the still-suffering alcoholic. The group exists so that the alcoholic can find a new way of life, a life abundant in happiness, joy, and freedom. To recover, most alcoholics need the support of a group of other alcoholics who share their experience, strength and hope. Thus my sobriety, and our program's survival, depend on my determination to put first things first. JULY 29 ANONYMOUS GIFTS OF KINDNESS As active alcoholics we were always looking for a handout in one way or another. \"THE TWELVE TRADITIONS ILLUSTRATED,\" p. 14 The challenge of the Seventh Tradition is a personal challenge, reminding me to share and give of myself. Before sobriety the only thing I ever supported was my habit of drinking. Now my efforts are a smile, a kind word, and kindness. I saw that I had to start carrying my own weight and to allow my new friends to walk with me because, through the practice of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, I've never had it so good. JULY 30 GIVING BACK . . . he has struck something better than gold. . . . He may not see at once that he has barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life and insists on giving away the entire product. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 129 My part of the Seventh Tradition means so much more than just giving money to pay for the coffee. It means being accepted for myself by belonging to a group. For the first time I can be responsible, because I have a choice. I can learn the principles of working out problems in my daily life by getting involved in the \"business\" of A.A. By being self-supporting, I can give back to A.A. what A.A. gave to me! Giving back to A.A. not only ensures my own sobriety, but allows me to buy insurance that A.A. will be here for my grandchildren. JULY 31 A PRAYER FOR ALL SEASONS God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, Courage to change the things we can. And wisdom to know the difference. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 125 The power of this prayer is overwhelming in that its simple beauty parallels the A.A. Fellowship. There are times when I get stuck while reciting it, but if I examine the section which is troubling me, I find the answer to my problem. The first time this happened I was scared, but now I use it as a valuable tool. By accepting life as it is, I gain serenity. By taking action, I gain courage and I thank God for the ability to distinguish between those situations I can work on, and those I must turn over. All that I have now is a gift from God: my life, my usefulness, my contentment, and this program. The serenity enables me to continue walking forward. Alcoholics Anonymous is the easier, softer way.  AUGUST 1 LIVING IT The spiritual life is not a theory. W e have to live it. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83 When new in the program, I couldn't comprehend living the spiritual aspect of the program, but now that I'm sober, I can't comprehend living without it. Spirituality was what I had been seeking. God, as I understand Him, has given me answers to the whys that kept me drinking for twenty years. By living a spiritual life, by asking God for help, I have learned to love, care for and feel compassion for all my fellow men, and to feel joy in a world where, before, I felt only fear. AUGUST 2 WE BECOME WILLING . . . At the moment we are trying to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in itself. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 77 How easily I can become misdirected in approaching the Eighth Step! I wish to be free, somehow transformed by my Sixth and Seventh Step work. Now, more than ever, I am vulnerable to my own self-interest and hidden agenda. I am careful to remember that self-satisfaction, which sometimes comes through the spoken forgiveness of those I have harmed, is not my true objective. I become willing to make amends, knowing that through this process I am mended and made fit to move forward, to know and desire God's will for me. AUGUST 3 ... T O B E O F S E R V I C E Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 77 It is clear that God's plan for me is expressed through love. God loved me enough to take me from alleys and jails so that I could be made a useful participant in His world. My response is to love all of His children through service and by example. I ask God to help me imitate His love for me through my love for others. AUGUST 4 SEEDS OF FAITH Faith, to be sure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing. We can have faith, yet keep God out of our lives. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 34 As a child I constantly questioned the existence of God. To a \"scientific thinker\" like me, no answer could withstand a thorough dissection, until a very patient woman finally said to me, \"You must have faith.\" With that simple statement, the seeds of my recovery were sown! Today, as I practice my recoverycutting back the weeds of alcoholismslowly I am letting those early seeds of faith grow and bloom. Each day of recovery, of ardent gardening, brings the Higher Power of my understanding more fully into my life. My God has always been with me through faith, but it is my responsibility to have the willingness to accept His presence. I ask God to grant me the willingness to do His will. AUGUST 5 LISTENING DEEPLY How persistently we claim the right to decide all by ourselves just what we shall think and just how we shall act TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 37 If I accept and act upon the advice of those who have made the program work for themselves, I have a chance to outgrow the limits of the past. Some problems will shrink to nothingness, while others may require patient, well-thought-out action. Listening deeply when others share can develop intuition in handling problems which arise unexpectedly. It is usually best for me to avoid impetuous action. Attending a meeting or calling a fellow A.A. member will usually reduce tension enough to bring relief to a desperate sufferer like me. Sharing problems at meetings with other alcoholics to whom I relate, or privately with my sponsor, can change aspects of the positions in which I find myself. Character defects are identified and I begin to see how they work against me. When I put my faith in the spiritual power of the program, when I trust others to teach me what I need to do to have a better life, I find that I can trust myself to do what is necessary. AUGUST 6 DRIVEN Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, selfseeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62 My selfishness was the driving force behind my drinking. I drank to celebrate success and I drank to drown my sorrows. Humility is the answer. I learn to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. My sponsor tells me that service keeps me sober. Today I ask myself: Have I sought knowledge of God's will for me? Have I done service for my A.A. group? AUGUST 7 A \"DESIGN FOR LIVING\" W e in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, \"a design for living\" that really works. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 28 I try each day to raise my heart and hands in thanks to God for showing me a \"design for living\" that really works through our beautiful Fellowship. But what, exactly, is this \"design for living\" that \"really works\"? For me, it is the practice of the Twelve Steps to the best of my ability, the continued awareness of a God who loves me uncondition-ally, and the hope that, in each new day, there is a purpose for my being. I am truly, truly blessed in the Fellowship. AUGUST 8 \"MADE A LIST . . .\" Made a list of all persons we had harmed, . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77 When I approached the Eighth Step, I wondered how I could list all the things that I have done to other people since there were so many people, and some of them weren't alive anymore. Some of the hurts I inflicted weren't bad, but they really bothered me. The main thing to see in this Step was to become willing to do whatever I had to do to make these amends to the best of my ability at that par-ticular time. Where there is a will, there's a way, so if I want to feel better, I need to unload the guilt feelings I have. A peaceful mind has no room for feelings of guilt. With the help of my Higher Power, if I am honest with myself, I can cleanse my mind of these feelings. AUGUST 9 \". . . OF ALL PERSONS WE HAD HARMED\" . . . and became willing to make amends to them all. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77 One of the key words in the Eighth Step is the word all. I am not free to select a few names for the list and to disregard others. It is a list of all persons I have harmed. I can see immediately that this Step entails forgiveness because if I'm not willing to forgive someone, there is little chance I will place his name on the list. Before I placed the first name on my list, I said a little prayer: \"I forgive anyone and everyone who has ever harmed me at any time and under any circumstances.\" It is well for me to contemplate a small, but very significant, two-letter word every time the Lord's Prayer is said. The word is as. I ask, \"Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.\" In this case, as means, \"in the same manner.\" I am asking to be forgiven in the same manner that I forgive others. As I say this portion of the prayer, if I am harboring hatred or resentment, I am inviting more resentment, when I should be calling on the spirit of forgiveness. AUGUST 10 REDOUBLING OUR EFFORTS To a degree, he has already done this when taking moral inventory, but now the time has come when he ought to redouble his efforts to see how many people he has hurt, and in what ways. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77 As I continue to grow in sobriety, I become more aware of myself as a person of worth. In the process, I am better able to see others as persons, and with this comes the realization that these were people whom I had hurt in my drinking days. I didn't just lie, I lied about Tom. I didn't just cheat, I cheated Joe. What were seemingly impersonal acts, were really personal affronts, because it was people people of worthwhom I had harmed. I need to do something about the people I have hurt so that I may enjoy a peaceful sobriety. AUGUST 11 REMOVING \"THE GROUND GLASS\" The moral inventory is a cool examination of the damages that occurred to us during life and a sincere effort to look at them in a true perspective. This has the effect of taking the ground glass out of us, the emotional substance that still cuts and inhibits. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 140 My Eighth Step list used to drag me into a whirlpool of resentment. After four years of sobriety, I was blocked by denial connected with an ongoing abusive relationship. The argument between fear and pride eased as the words of the Step moved from my head to my heart. For the first time in years I opened my box of paints and poured out an honest rage, an explosion of reds and blacks and yellows. As I looked at the drawing, tears of joy and relief flowed down my cheeks. In my disease, I had given up my art, a self-inflicted punishment far greater than any imposed from outside. In my recovery, I learned that the pain of my defects is the very substance God uses to cleanse my character and to set me free. AUGUST 12 A LOOK BACKWARD First, we take a look backward and try to discover where we have been at fault; next we make a vigorous attempt to repair the damage we have done; . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77 As a traveler on a fresh and exciting A.A. journey of recovery, I experienced a newfound peace of mind and the horizon appeared clear and bright, rather than obscure and dim. Reviewing my life to discover where I had been at fault seemed to be such an arduous and dangerous task. It was painful to pause and look backward. I was afraid I might stumble! Couldn't I put the past out of my mind and just live in my new golden present? I realized that those in the past whom I had harmed stood between me and my desire to continue my movement toward serenity. I had to ask for courage to face those persons from my life who still lived in my conscience, to recognize and deal with the guilt that their presence produced in me. I had to look at the damage I had done, and become willing to make amends. Only then could my journey of the spirit resume. AUGUST 13 A CLEAN SWEEP . . . and third, having thus cleaned away the debris of the past, we consider how, with our newfound knowledge of ourselves, we may develop the best possible relations with every human being we know. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77 As I faced the Eighth Step, everything that was required for successful completion of the previous seven Steps came together: courage, honesty, sincerity, willingness and thoroughness. I could not muster the strength required for this task at the beginning, which is why this Step reads \"Became willing. . . .\" I needed to develop the courage to begin, the honesty to see where I was wrong, a sincere desire to set things right, thoroughness in making a list, and willingness to take the risks required for true humility. With the help of my Higher Power in developing these virtues, I completed this Step and continued to move forward in my quest for spiritual growth. AUGUST 14 REPAIRING THE DAMAGE We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76 Making a list of people I had harmed was not a particularly difficult thing to do. They had showed up in my Fourth Step inventory: people towards whom I had resentments, real or imagined, and whom I had hurt by acts of retaliation. For my recovery to be thorough, I believed it was not important for those who had legitimately harmed me to make amends to me. What is important in my relationship with God is that I stand before Him, knowing I have done what I can to repair the damage I have done. AUGUST 15 DIDN'T WE HURT ANYBODY? Some of us, though, tripped over a very different snag. W e clung to the claim that when drinking we never hurt anybody but ourselves. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 79 This Step seemed so simple. I identified several people whom I had harmed, but they were no longer available. Still, I was uneasy about the Step and avoided conversations dealing with it. In time I learned to investigate those Steps and areas of my life which made me uncomfortable. My search revealed my parents, who had been deeply hurt by my isolation from them; my employer, who worried about my absences, my memory lapses, my temper; and the friends I had shunned, without explanation. As I faced the reality of the harm I had done, Step Eight took on new meaning. I am no longer uncomfortable and I feel clean and light. AUGUST 16 \"I HAD DROPPED OUT\" We might next ask ourselves what we mean when we say that we have \"harmed\" other people. What kinds of \"harm\" do people do one another, anyway? To define the word \"harm\" in a practical way, we might call it the result of instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual damage to people. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 80 I had been to Eighth Step meetings, always thinking, \"I really haven't harmed many people, mostly myself.\" But the time came when I wrote my list out and it was not as short as I thought it would be. I either liked you, disliked you, or needed something from youit was that simple. People hadn't done what I wanted them to do and intimate rela-tionships were out of hand because of my partners' unreasonable demands. Were these \"sins of omission\"? Because of my drinking, I had \"dropped out\"never sending cards, returning calls, being there for other people, or taking part in their lives. What a grace it has been to look at these relationships, to make my inventories in quiet, alone with the God of my understanding, and to go forth daily, with a willingness to be honest and forthright in my relationships. AUGUST 17 RIGHTING THE HARM In many instances we shall find that though the harm done others has not been great, the emotional harm we have done ourselves has. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 79 Have you ever thought that the harm you did a business associate, or perhaps a family member, was so slight that it really didn't deserve an apology because they probably wouldn't remember it anyway? If that person, and the wrong done to him, keeps coming to mind, time and again, causing an uneasy or perhaps guilty feeling, then I put that person's name at the top of my \"amends list,\" and become willing to make a sincere apology, knowing I will feel calm and relaxed about that person once this very important part of my recovery is accomplished. AUGUST 18 GETTING WELL Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emotional conflicts persist below the level of consciousness. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 79-80 Only through positive action can I remove the remains of guilt and shame brought on by alcohol. Throughout my misadventures when I drank, my friends would say, \"Why are you doing this? You're only hurting yourself.\" Little did I know how true were those words. Although I harmed others, some of my behavior caused grave wounds to my soul. Step Eight provides me with a way of forgiving my-self. I alleviate much of the hidden damage when I make my list of those I have hurt. In making amends, I free myself of burdens, thus contributing to my healing. AUGUST 19 A FRAME OF REFERENCE Referring to our list [inventory] again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 67 There is a wonderful freedom in not needing constant approval from colleagues at work or from the people I love. I wish I had known about this Step before, because once I developed a frame of reference, I felt able to do the next right thing, knowing that the action fit the situation and that it was the correct thing to do. AUGUST 20 TOWARD EMOTIONAL FREEDOM Since defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes, including our alcoholism, no field of investigation could yield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 80 Willingness is a peculiar thing for me in that, over a period of time, it seems to come, first with awareness, but then with a feeling of discomfort, making me want to take some action. As I reflected on taking the Eighth Step, my willingness to make amends to others came as a desire for forgiveness, of others and myself. I felt forgiveness toward others after I became aware of my part in the difficulties of relationships. I wanted to feel the peace and serenity described in the Promises. From working the first seven Steps, I became aware of whom I had harmed and that I had been my own worst enemy. In order to restore my relationships with my fellow human beings, I knew I would have to change. I wanted to learn to live in harmony with myself and others so that I could also live in emotional freedom. The beginning of the end to my isolation from my fellows and from Godcame when I wrote my Eighth Step list. AUGUST 21 WE JUST TRY My stability came out of trying to give, not out of demanding that I receive. THE BEST OF BILL, pp. 46-47 As long as I try, with all my heart and soul, to pass along to others what has been passed along to me, and do not demand anything in return, life is good to me. Before entering this program of Alcoholics Anonymous I was never able to give without demanding something in return. Little did I know that, once I began to give freely of myself, I would begin to receive, without ever expecting or demanding anything at all. What I receive today is the gift of \"stability,\" as Bill did: stability in my A.A. program; within myself; but most of all, in my relationship with my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God. AUGUST 22 SEEKING EMOTIONAL STABILITY When we developed still more, we discovered the best possible source of emotional stability to be God Himself. W e found that dependence upon His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy, and that it would work where nothing else would. If we really depended upon God, we couldn't very well play God to our fellows nor would we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 116 All my life I depended on people for my emotional needs and security, but today I cannot live that way anymore. By the grace of God, I have admitted my powerlessness over people, places and things. I had been a real \"people addict\"; wherever I went there had to be someone who would pay some kind of attention to me. It was the kind of attitude that could only get worse, because the more I depended on others and demanded attention, the less I received. I have given up believing that any human power can relieve me of that empty feeling. Although I remain a fragile human being who needs to work A.A.'s Steps to keep this particular principle before my personality, it is only a loving God who can give me inner peace and emotional stability. AUGUST 23 BRINGING THE MESSAGE HOME Can we bring the same spirit of love and tolerance into our sometimes deranged family lives that we bring to our A.A. group? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 111-12 My family members suffer from the effects of my disease. Loving and accepting them as they are just as I love and accept A.A. membersfosters a return of love, tolerance and harmony to my life. Using common courtesy and respecting others' personal boundaries are necessary practices for all areas of my life. AUGUST 24 A RIDDLE THAT WORKS It may be possible to find explanations of spiritual experiences such as ours, but I have often tried to explain my own and have succeeded only in giving the story of it. I know the feeling it gave me and the results it has brought, but I realize I may never fully understand its deeper why and how. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 313 I had a profound spiritual experience during an open A.A. meeting, which led me to blurt out, \"I'm an alcoholic!\" I have not had a drink since that day. I can tell you the words I heard just prior to my admission, and how those words affected me, but as to why it happened, I do not know. I believe a power greater than myself chose me to recover, yet I do not know why. I try not to worry or wonder about what I do not yet know; instead, I trust that if I continue to work the Steps, practice the A.A. principles in my life, and share my story, I will be guided lovingly toward a deep and mature spirituality in which more will be revealed to me. For the time being, it is a gift for me to trust God, work the Steps and help others. AUGUST 25 THE GIFT OF BONDING Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 63 Many times in my alcoholic state, I drank to establish a bond between myself and others, but I succeeded only in establishing the bondage of alcoholic loneliness. Through the A.A. way of life, I have received the gift of bondingwith those who were there before me, with those who are there now, and with those yet to come. For this gracious gift from God, I am forever grateful. AUGUST 26 GIVING IT AWAY Though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary. It was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves to others. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 159 Those words, for me, refer to a transference of power, through which God, as I understand Him, enters my life. Through prayer and meditation, I open channels, then I establish and improve my conscious contact with God. Through action I then receive the power I need to maintain my sobriety each day. By maintaining my spiritual condition, by giving away what has been so freely given to me, I am granted a daily reprieve. AUGUST 27 CENTERING OUR THOUGHTS When World W ar II broke out, our A. A. dependence on a Higher Power had its first major test. A.A.'s entered the services and were scattered all over the world. Would they be able to take the discipline, stand up under fire, and endure . . . ? AS BILL SEES IT, p. 200 I will center my thoughts on a Higher Power. I will surrender all to this power within me. I will become a soldier for this power, feeling the might of the spiritual army as it exists in my life today. I will allow a wave of spiritual union to connect me through my gratitude, obedience and discipline to this Higher Power. Let me allow this power to lead me through the orders of the day. May the steps I take today strengthen my words and deeds, may I know that the message I carry is mine to share, given freely by this power greater than myself. AUGUST 28 LIGHTENING THE BURDEN Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. . . . the dark past is . . . the key to life and happiness for others. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 124 Since I have been sober, I have been healed of many pains: deceiving my partner, deserting my best friend, and spoiling my mother's hopes for my life. In each case someone in the program told me of a similar problem, and I was able to share what happened to me. When my story was told, both of us got up with lighter hearts. AUGUST 29 I CHOOSE ANONYMITY We are sure that humility, expressed by anonymity, is the greatest safeguard that Alcoholics Anonymous can ever have. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 187 Since there are no rules in A.A. I place myself where I want to be, and so I choose anonymity. I want my God to use me, humbly, as one of His tools in this program. Sacrifice is the art of giving of myself freely, allowing humility to replace my ego. With sobriety, I suppress that urge to cry out to the world, \"I am a member of A.A.\" and I experience inner joy and peace. I let people see the changes in me and hope they will ask what happened to me. I place the principles of spirituality ahead of judging, fault-finding, and criticism. I want love and caring in my group, so I can grow. AUGUST 30 THE ONLY REQUIREMENT . . . \"At one time . . . every A. A. group had many membership rules. Everybody was scared witless that something or somebody would capsize the boat. . . . The total list was a mile long. If all those rules had been in effect everywhere, nobody could have possibly joined A.A. at all, ...\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 139-40 I'm grateful that the Third Tradition only requires of me a desire to stop drinking. I had been breaking promises for years. In the Fellowship I didn't have to make promises, I didn't have to concentrate. It only required my attending one meeting, in a foggy condition, to know I was home. I didn't have to pledge undying love. Here, strangers hugged me. \"It gets better,\" they said, and \"One day at a time, you can do it.\" They were no longer strangers, but caring friends. I ask God to help me to reach out to people desiring sobriety, and to, please, keep me grateful! AUGUST 31 A UNIQUE PROGRAM Alcoholics Anonymous will never have a professional class. We have gained some understanding of the ancient words \"Freely ye have received, freely give.\" W e have discovered that at the point of professionalism, money and spirituality do not mix. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 166 I believe that Alcoholics Anonymous stands alone in the treatment of alcoholism because it is based solely on the principle of one alcoholic sharing with another alcoholic. This is what makes the program unique. When I decided that I wanted to stay sober, I called a woman who I knew was a sober member of A.A., and she carried the message of Alcoholics Anonymous to me. She received no monetary compensation, but rather was paid by staying sober another day herself. Today I could ask for no payment other than another day free from alcohol, so in that respect, I am generously paid for my labor.  SEPTEMBER 1 WILLINGNESS TO GROW If more gifts are to be received, our awakening has to go on. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 8 Sobriety fills the painful \"hole in the soul\" that my alcoholism created. Often I feel so physically well that I believe my work is done. However, joy is not just the absence of pain; it is the gift of continued spiritual awakening. Joy comes from ongoing and active study, as well as application of the principles of recovery in my everyday life, and from sharing that experience with others. My Higher Power presents many opportunities for deeper spiritual awakening. I need only to bring into my recovery the willingness to grow. Today I am ready to grow. SEPTEMBER 2 FINDING \"A REASON TO BELIEVE\" The willi ngness to grow is the essence of all spiritual development. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 171 A line from a song goes, \". . . and I look to find a reason to believe . . .\" It reminds me that at one time I was not able to find a reason to believe that my life was all right. Even though my life had been saved by my coming to A.A., three months later I went out and drank again. Someone told me: \"You don't have to believe. Aren't you willing to believe that there is a reason for your life, even though you may not know yourself what that reason is, or that you may not sometimes know the right way to behave?\" When I saw how willing I was to believe there was a reason for my life, then I could start to work on the Steps. Now when I begin with, \"I am willing. . . ,\" I am using the key that leads to ac-tion, honesty, and an openness to a Higher Power moving through my life. SEPTEMBER 3 BUILDING A NEW LIFE We feel a man is unthinking when he says sobriety is enough. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 82 When I reflect on Step Nine, I see that physical sobriety must be enough for me. I need to remember the hopelessness I felt before I found sobriety, and how I was willing to go to any lengths for it. Physical sobriety is not enough for those around me, however, since I must see that God's gift is used to build a new life for my family and loved ones. Just as importantly, I must be available to help others who want the A.A. way of life. I ask God to help me share the gift of sobriety so that its benefits may be shown to those I know and love. SEPTEMBER 4 RECONSTRUCTION Ye s, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83 The reconstruction of my life is the prime goal in my recovery as I avoid taking that first drink, one day at a time. The task is most successfully accomplished by working the Steps of our Fellowship. The spiritual life is not a theory; it works, but I have to live it. Step Two started me on my journey to develop a spiritual life; Step Nine allows me to move into the final phase of the initial Steps which taught me how to live a spiritual life. Without the guidance and strength of a Higher Power, it would be impossible to proceed through the various stages of reconstruction. I realize that God works for me and through me. Proof comes to me when I realize that God did for me what I could not do for myself, by removing that gnawing compulsion to drink. I must continue daily to seek God's guidance. He grants me a daily reprieve and will provide the power I need for reconstruction. SEPTEMBER 5 EMOTIONAL BALANCE Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 83 When I survey my drinking days, I recall many people whom my life touched casually, but whose days I troubled through my anger and sarcasm. These people are untraceable, and direct amends to them are not possible. The only amends I can make to those untraceable individuals, the only \"changes for the better\" I can offer, are indirect amends made to other people, whose paths briefly cross mine. Courtesy and kindness, regularly practiced, help me to live in emotional balance, at peace with myself. SEPTEMBER 6 REMOVING THREATS TO SOBRIETY . . . except when to do so would injure them or others. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59 Step Nine restores in me a feeling of belonging, not only to the human race but also to the everyday world. First, the Step makes me leave the safety of A.A., so that I may deal with non-A.A. people \"out there,\" on their terms, not mine. It is a frightening but necessary action if I am to get back into life. Second, Step Nine allows me to remove threats to my sobriety by healing past relationships. Step Nine points the way to a more serene sobriety by letting me clear away past wreckage, lest it bring me down. SEPTEMBER 7 \"OUR SIDE OF THE STREET\" We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that nothing worth while can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell him what he should do. His faults are not discussed. W e stick to our own. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 77-78 I made amends to my dad soon after I quit drinking. My words fell on deaf ears since I had blamed him for my troubles. Several months later I made amends to my dad again. This time I wrote a letter in which I did not blame him nor mention his faults. It worked, and at last I understood! My side of the street is all that I'm responsible for and thanks to God and A.A.it's clean for today. SEPTEMBER 8 \"WE ASKED HIS PROTECTION\" We asked His protection and care with complete abandon. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59 I could not manage my life alone. I had tried that road and failed. My \"ultimate sin\" dragged me down to the lowest level I have ever reached and, unable even to function, I accepted the fact that I desperately needed help. I stopped fighting and surrendered entirely to God. Only then did I start growing! God forgave me. A Higher Power had to have saved me, because the doctors doubted that I would survive. I have forgiven myself now and I enjoy a freedom I have never before experienced. I've opened my heart and mind to Him. The more I learn, the less I knowa humbling factbut I sincerely want to keep growing. I enjoy serenity, but only when I entrust my life totally to God. As long as I am honest with myself and ask for His help, I can maintain this rewarding existence. Just for today, I strive to live His will for me soberly. I thank God that today I can choose not to drink. Today, life is beautiful! SEPTEMBER 9 OPENING NEW DOORS They [the Promises] are being fulfilled among us sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 The Promises talked about in this passage are slowly coming to life for me. What has given me hope is putting Step Nine into action. The Step has allowed me to see and set goals for myself in recovery. Old habits and behaviors die hard. Working Step Nine enables me to close the door on the drunk I was, and to open new avenues for myself as a sober alcoholic. Making direct amends is crucial for me. As I repair relationships and behavior of the past, I am better able to live a sober life! Although I have some years of sobriety, there are times when the \"old stuff\" from the past needs to be taken care of, and Step Nine always works, when I work it. SEPTEMBER 10 RECOVERY BY PROXY? They [the Promises] will always materialize if we work for them. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 Sometimes I think: \"Making these amends is going too far! No one should have to humble himself like that!\" However, it is this very humbling of myself that brings me that much closer to the sunlight of the spirit. A.A. is the only hope I have if I am to continue healing and gain a life of happiness, friendship and harmony. SEPTEMBER 11 MAKING AMENDS Above all, we should try to be absolutely sure that we are not delaying because we are afraid. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 87 To have courage, to be unafraid, are gifts of my recovery. They empower me to ask for help and to go forth in making my amends with a sense of dignity and humility. Making amends may require a certain amount of honesty that I feel I lack, yet with the help of God and the wisdom of others, I can reach within and find the strength to act. My amends may be accepted, or they may not, but after they are completed I can walk with a sense of freedom and know that, for today, I am responsible. SEPTEMBER 12 I AM RESPONSIBLE For the readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 87 In recovery, and through the help of Alcoholics Anonymous, I learn that the very thing I fear is my freedom. It comes from my tendency to recoil from taking responsibility for anything: I deny, I ignore, I blame, I avoid. Then one day, I look, I admit, I accept. The freedom, the healing and the recovery I experience is in the looking, admitting and accepting. I learn to say, \"Yes, I am responsible.\" When I can speak those words with honesty and sincerity, then I am free. SEPTEMBER 13 REPAIRING THE DAMAGE Good judgment, a careful sense of timing courage and prudencethese are the qualities we shall need when we take Step Nine. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 83 To make amends can be viewed two ways: first, that of repairing damage, for if I have damaged my neighbor's fence, I \"make a mend,\" and that is a direct amend; the second way is by modifying my behavior, for if my actions have harmed someone, I make a daily effort to cause no further harm. I \"mend my ways,\" and that is an indirect amend. Which is the best approach? The only right approach, provided that I am causing no further harm in so doing, is to do both. If harm is done, then I simply \"mend my ways.\" To take action in this manner assures me of making honest amends. SEPTEMBER 14 PEACE OF MIND Do we lay the matter before our sponsor or spiritual adviser, earnestly asking God's help and guidance meanwhile resolving to do the right thing when it becomes clear, cost what it may? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 86-87 My belief in a Higher Power is an essential part of my work on Step Nine; forgiveness, timing, and right motives are the other ingredients. My willingness to do the Step is a growing experience that opens the door for new and honest relationships with the people I have harmed. My responsible action brings me closer to the spiritual principles of the programlove and service. Peace of mind, serenity, and a stronger faith are sure to follow. SEPTEMBER 15 A NEW LIFE Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. . . . Life will mean something at last ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 152 Life is better without alcohol. A.A. and the presence of a Higher Power keeps me sober, but the grace of God does even better; it brings service into my life. Contact with the A.A. program teaches me a new and greater understanding of what Alcoholics Anonymous is and what it does, but most importantly, it helps to show me who I am: an alco-holic who needs the constant experience of the Alcoholics Anonymous program so that I may live a life given to me by my Higher Power. SEPTEMBER 16 WE STANDOR FALLTOGETHER . . . no society of men and women ever had a more urgent need for continuous effectiveness and permanent unity. W e alcoholics see that we must work together and hang together, else most of us will finally die alone. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 562 Just as the Twelve Steps of A.A. are written in a specific sequence for a reason, so it is with the Twelve Traditions. The First Step and the First Tradition attempt to instill in me enough humility to allow me a chance at survival. Together they are the basic foundation upon which the Steps and Traditions that follow are built. It is a process of ego deflation which allows me to grow as an individual through the Steps, and as a contributing member of a group through the Traditions. Full acceptance of the First Tradition allows me to set aside personal ambitions, fears and anger when they are in conflict with the common good, thus permitting me to work with others for our mutual survival. Without Tradition One I stand little chance of maintaining the unity required to work with others effectively, and I also stand to lose the remaining Traditions, the Fellowship, and my life. SEPTEMBER 17 FREEDOM FROM FEAR When, with God's help, we calmly accepted our lot, then we found we could live at peace with ourselves and show others who still suffered the same fears that they could get over them, too. W e found that freedom from fear was more important than freedom from want. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 122 Material values ruled my life for many years during my active alcoholism. I believed that all of my possessions would make me happy, yet I still felt bankrupt after I obtained them. When I first came into A.A., I found out about a new way of living. As a result of learning to trust others, I began to believe in a power greater than myself. Having faith freed me from the bondage of self. As material gains were replaced by the gifts of the spirit, my life became manageable. I then chose to share my experiences with other alcoholics. SEPTEMBER 18 LOVED BACK TO RECOVERY Our whole treasured philosophy of self-sufficiency had to be cast aside. This had not been done with old-fashioned willpower; it was instead a matter of developing the willingness to accept these new facts of living. W e neither ran nor fought. But accept we did And then we were free. BEST OF THE GRAPEVINE, Vol. I, p. 198 I can be free of my old enslaving self. After a while I recognize, and believe in, the good within myself. I see that I have been loved back to recovery by my Higher Power, who envelops me. My Higher Power becomes that source of love and strength that is performing a continuing miracle in me. I am sober . . . and I am grateful. SEPTEMBER 19 ACCEPTANCE W e admitted we couldn't lick alcohol with our own remaining resources, and so we accepted the further fact that dependence upon a Higher Power (if only our A.A group) could do this hitherto impossible job. The moment we were able to accept these facts fully, our release from the alcohol compulsion had begun. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 109 Freedom came to me only with my acceptance that I could turn my will and my life over to the care of my Higher Power, whom I call God. Serenity seeped into the chaos of my life when I accepted that what I was going through was life, and that God would help me through my difficultiesand much more, as well. Since then He has helped me through all of my difficulties! When I accept situations as they are, not as I wish them to be, then I can begin to grow and have serenity and peace of mind. SEPTEMBER 20 H.P. AS GUIDE See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164 Having a right relationship with God seemed to be an impossible order. My chaotic past had left me filled with guilt and remorse and I wondered how this \"God business\" could work. A.A. told me that I must turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him. With nowhere else to turn, I went down on my knees and cried, \"God, I can't do this. Please help me!\" It was when I admit-ted my powerlessness that a glimmer of light began to touch my soul, and then a willingness emerged to let God control my life. With Him as my guide, great events began to happen, and I found the beginning of sobriety. SEPTEMBER 21 THE LAST PROMISE W e will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 The last Promise in the Big Book came true for me on the very first day of sobriety. God kept me sober that day, and on every other day I allowed Him to operate in my life. He gives me the strength, courage and guidance to meet my responsibilities in life so that I am then able to reach out and help others stay sober and grow. He manifests within me, making me a channel of His word, thought and deed. He works with my inner self, while I produce in the outer world, for He will not do for me what I can do for myself. I must be willing to do His work, so that He can function through me successfully. SEPTEMBER 22 A \"LIMITLESS LODE\" Like a gaunt prospector, belt drawn in over the last ounce of food, our pick struck gold. Joy at our release from a lifetime of frustration knew no bounds. Father feels he has struck something better than gold. For a time he may try to hug the new treasure to himself. He may not see at once that he has barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life and insists on giving away the entire product. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 128-29 When I talk with a newcomer to A.A., my past looks me straight in the face. I see the pain in those hopeful eyes, I extend my hand, and then the miracle happens: / become healed. My problems vanish as I reach out to this trembling soul. SEPTEMBER 23 \"I WAS AN EXCEPTION\" He [Bill W.] said to me, gently and simply, \"Do you think that you are one of us?\" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 413 During my drinking life I was convinced I was an exception. I thought I was beyond petty requirements and had the right to be excused. I never realized that the dark counterbalance of my attitude was the constant feeling that I did not \"belong.\" At first, in A.A., I identified with others only as an alcoholic. What a wonderful awakening for me it has been to realize that, if human beings were doing the best they could, then so was I! All of the pains, confusions and joys they feel are not exceptional, but part of my life, just as much as anybody's. SEPTEMBER 24 VIGILANCE We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again: \"Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic\" Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever. If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 33 Today I am an alcoholic. Tomorrow will be no different. My alcoholism lives within me now and forever. I must never forget what I am. Alcohol will surely kill me if I fail to recognize and acknowledge my disease on a daily basis. I am not playing a game in which a loss is a temporary setback. I am dealing with my disease, for which there is no cure, only daily acceptance and vigilance. SEPTEMBER 25 FIRST THINGS FIRST Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no jobwife or no wifewe simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98 Before coming to A.A., I always had excuses for taking a drink: \"She said . . . ,\" \"He said \"I got fired yesterday,\" \"I got a great job today.\" No area of my life could be good if I drank again. In sobriety my life gets better each day. I must always remember not to drink, to trust God, and to stay active in A.A. Am I putting anything before my sobriety, God, and A.A. today? SEPTEMBER 26 OUR CHILDREN The alcoholic may find it hard to re-establish friendly relations with his children. . . . In time they will see that he is a new man and in their own way they w ill let him know it. . . . From that point on, progress will be rapid. Marvelous results often follow such a reunion. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 134 While on the road to recovery I received a gift that could not be purchased. It was a card from my son in college, saying, \"Dad, you can't imagine how glad I am that everything is okay. Happy Birthday, I love you.\" My son had told me that he loved me before. It had been during the previous Christmas holidays, when he had said to me, while crying, \"Dad, I love you! Can't you see what you're doing to yourself?\" I couldn't. Choked with emotion, I had cried, but this time, when I received my son's card, my tears were tears of joy, not desperation. SEPTEMBER 27 WITHOUT RESERVATION When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, . . . AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37 While practicing service to others, if my successes give rise to grandiosity, I must reflect on what brought me to this point. What has been given joyfully, with love, must be passed on without reservation and without expectation. For as I grow, I find that no matter how much I give with love, I receive much more in spirit. SEPTEMBER 28 LOVE WITHOUT STRINGS Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 89 Sponsorship held two surprises for me. First, that my sponsees cared about me. What I had thought was gratitude was more like love. They wanted me to be happy, to grow and remain sober. Knowing how they felt kept me from drinking more than once. Second, I discovered that I was able to love someone else responsibly, with respectful and genuine concern for that person's growth. Before that time, I had thought that my ability to care sincerely about another's well-being had atrophied from lack of use. To learn that I can love, without greed or anxiety, has been one of the deepest gifts the program has given me. Gratitude for that gift has kept me sober many times. SEPTEMBER 29 EXACTLY ALIKE Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 89 A man came to the meeting drunk, interrupted the speakers, stood up and took his shirt off, staggered loudly back and forth for coffee, demanded to talk, and eventually called the group's secretary an unquotable name and walked out. I was glad he was thereonce again I saw what I had been like. But I also saw what I still am, and what I still could be. I don't have to be drunk to want to be the exception and the center of attention. I have often felt abused and responded abusively when I was simply being treated as a garden variety human being. The more the man tried to insist he was different, the more I realized that he and I were exactly alike. SEPTEMBER 30 THE CIRCLE AND THE TRIANGLE The circle stands for the whole world of A.A., and the triangle stands for A.A.'s Three Legacies of Recovery, Unity, and Service. Within our wonderful new world, we have found freedom from our fatal obsession. A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 139 Early in my A.A. life, I became employed in its services and I found the explanation of our society's logo to be very appropriate. First, a circle of love and service with a well-balanced triangle inside, the base of which represents our Recovery through the Twelve Steps. Then the other two sides, representing Unity and Service, respectively. The three sides of the triangle are equal. As I grew in A.A. I soon identified myself with this symbol. I am the circle, and the sides of the triangle represent three aspects of my personality: physical, emotional sanity, spirituality, the latter forming the symbol's base. Taken together, all three aspects of my personality translate into a sober and happy life. OCTOBER 1 LEST WE BECOME COMPLACENT It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. W e are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 When I am in pain it is easy to stay close to the friends I have found in the program. Relief from that pain is provided in the solutions contained in A.A.'s Twelve Steps. But when I am feeling good and things are going well, I can become complacent. To put it simply, I become lazy and turn into the problem instead of the solution. I need to get into action, to take stock: where am I and where am I going? A daily inventory will tell me what I must change to regain spiritual balance. Admitting what I find within myself, to God and to another human being, keeps me honest and humble. OCTOBER 2 \"THE ACID TEST\" As we work the first nine Steps, we prepare ourselves for the adventure of a new life. But when we approach Step Ten we commence to put our A.A. way of living to practical use, day by day, in fair weather or foul Then comes the acid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 88 I know the Promises are being fulfilled in my life, but I want to maintain and develop them by the daily application of Step Ten. I have learned through this Step that if I am disturbed, there is something wrong with me. The other person may be wrong too, but I can only deal with my feelings. When I am hurt or upset, I have to continually look for the cause in me, and then I have to admit and correct my mistakes. It isn't easy, but as long as I know I am progressing spiritually, I know that I can mark my effort up as a job well done. I have found that pain is a friend; it lets me know there is something wrong with my emotions, just as a physical pain lets me know there is something wrong with my body. When I take the appropriate action through the Twelve Steps, the pain gradually goes away. OCTOBER 3 SERENITY AFTER THE STORM Someone who knew what he was talking about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress. How heartily we A.A. 's can agree with him. . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 93-94 When on the roller coaster of emotional turmoil, I remember that growth is often painful. My evolution in the A.A. program has taught me that I must experience the inner change, however painful, that eventually guides me from selfishness to selflessness. If I am to have serenity, I must STEP my way past emotional turmoil and its subsequent hangover, and be grateful for continuing spiritual progress. OCTOBER 4 A NECESSARY PRUNING . . . we know that the pains of drinking had to come before sobriety, and emotional turmoil before serenity. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 94 I love spending time in my garden feeding and pruning my beautiful flowers. One day, as I was busily snipping away, a neighbor stopped by. She commented, \"Oh! Your plants are so beautiful, it seems such a shame to cut them back.\" I replied, \"I know how you feel, but the excess must be removed so they can grow stronger and healthier.\" Later I thought that perhaps my plants feel pain, but God and I know it's part of the plan and I've seen the results. I was quickly reminded of my precious A.A. program and how we all grow through pain. I ask God to prune me when it's time, so I can grow. OCTOBER 5 YESTERDAY'S BAGGAGE For the wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 88 I have more than enough to handle today, without dragging along yesterday's baggage too. I must balance today's books, if I am to have a chance tomorrow. So I ask myself if I have erred and how I can avoid repeating that particular behavior. Did I hurt anyone, did I help anyone, and why? Some of today is bound to spill over into tomorrow, but most of it need not if I make an honest daily inventory. OCTOBER 6 FACING OURSELVES . . . and Fear says, \"You dare not look!\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 49 How often I avoided a task in my drinking days just because it appeared so large! Is it any wonder, even if I have been sober for some time, that I will act that same way when faced with what appears to be a monumental job, such as a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself? What I discover after I have arrived at the other sidewhen my inventory is completedis that the illusion was greater than the reality. The fear of facing myself kept me at a standstill and, until I became willing to put pencil to paper, I was arresting my growth based on an intangible. OCTOBER 7 DAILY MONITORING Continued to take personal inventory. . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 88 The spiritual axiom referred to in the Tenth Step \"every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us\" also tells me that there are no exceptions to it. No matter how unreasonable others may seem, I am responsible for not reacting negatively. Regardless of what is happening around me I w ill always have the prerogative, and the responsibility, of choosing what happens within me. I am the creator of my own reality. When I take my daily inventory, I know that I must stop judging others. If I judge others, I am probably judging myself. Whoever is upsetting me most is my best teacher. I have much to learn from him or her, and in my heart, I should thank that person. OCTOBER 8 DAILY INVENTORY . . . and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59 I was beginning to approach my new life of sobriety with unaccustomed enthusiasm. New friends were cropping up and some of my battered friendships had begun to be repaired. Life was exciting, and I even began to enjoy my work, becoming so bold as to issue a report on the lack of proper care for some of our clients. One day a co-worker informed me that my boss was really sore because a complaint, submitted over his head, had caused him much discomfort at the hands of his superiors. I knew that my report had created the problem, and began to feel responsible for my boss's difficulty. In discussing the affair, my co-worker tried to reassure me that an apology was not necessary, but I soon became convinced that I had to do something, regardless of how it might turn out. When I approached my boss and owned up to my hand in his difficulties, he was surprised. But unexpected things came out of our encounter, and my boss and I were able to agree to interact more directly and effectively in the future. OCTOBER 9 A SPIRITUAL AXIOM It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 90 I never truly understood the Tenth Step's spiritual axiom until I had the following experience. I was sitting in my bedroom, reading into the wee hours, when suddenly I heard my dogs barking in the back yard. My neighbors frown on this kind of disturbance so, with mixed feelings of anger and shame, as well as fear of my neighbors' disapproval, I immediately called in my dogs. Several weeks later the exact situation repeated itself but this time, because I was feeling more at peace with myself, I was able to accept the situationdogs will barkand I calmly called in the dogs. Both incidents taught me that when a person experiences nearly identical events and reacts two different ways, then it is not the event which is of prime importance, but the person's spiritual condition. Feelings come from inside, not from outward circumstances. When my spiritual condition is positive, I react positively. OCTOBER 10 FIXING ME, NOT YOU If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 90 What a freedom I felt when this passage was pointed out to me! Suddenly I saw that I could do something about my anger, I could fix me, instead of trying to fix them. I believe that there are no exceptions to the axiom. When I am angry, my anger is always self-centered. I must keep reminding myself that I am human, that I am doing the best I can, even when that best is sometimes poor. So I ask God to remove my anger and truly set me free. OCTOBER 11 SELF-RESTRAINT Our first objective will be the development of self-restraint. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 91 My drive to work provides me with an opportunity for selfexamination. One day while making this trip, I began to review my progress in sobriety, and was not happy with what I saw. I hoped that, as the work day progressed, I would forget these troublesome thoughts, but as one disappointment after another kept coming, my discontent only increased, and the pressures within me kept mounting. I retreated to an isolated table in the lounge, and asked myself how I could make the most of the rest of the day. In the past, when things went wrong, I instinctively wanted to fight back. But during the short time I had been trying to five the A.A. program I had learned to step back and take a look at myself. I recognized that, although I was not the person I wanted to be, I had learned to not react in my old ways. Those old patterns of behavior only brought sorrow and hurt, to me and to others. I returned to my work station, determined to make the day a productive one, thanking God for the chance to make progress that day. OCTOBER 12 CURBING RASHNESS When we speak or act hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 91 Being fair-minded and tolerant is a goal toward which I must work daily. I ask God, as I understand Him, to help me to be loving and tolerant to my loved ones, and to those with whom I am in close contact. I ask for guidance to curb my speech when I am agitated, and I take a moment to reflect on the emotional upheaval my words may cause, not only to someone else, but also to myself. Prayer, meditation and inventories are the key to sound thinking and positive action for me. OCTOBER 13 UNREMITTING INVENTORIES Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. W e discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 The immediate admission of wrong thoughts or actions is a tough task for most human beings, but for recovering alcoholics like me it is difficult because of my propensity toward ego, fear and pride. The freedom the A.A. program offers me becomes more abundant when, through unremitting inventories of myself, I admit, acknowledge and accept responsibility for my wrong-doing. It is possible then for me to grow into a deeper and better understanding of humility. My willingness to admit when the fault is mine facilitates the progression of my growth and helps me to become more understanding and helpful to others. OCTOBER 14 A PROGRAM FOR LIVING When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. . . . On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. . . . Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86 I lacked serenity. With more to do than seemed possible, I fell further behind, no matter how hard I tried. Worries about things not done yesterday and fear of tomorrow's deadlines denied me the calm I needed to be effective each day. Before taking Steps Ten and Eleven, I began to read passages like the one cited above. I tried to focus on God's will, not my problems, and to trust that He would manage my day. It worked! Slowly, but it worked! OCTOBER 15 MY CHECKLIST, NOT YOURS Gossip barbed with our anger, a polite form of murder by character assassination, has its satisfactions for us, too. Here we are not trying to help those we criticize; we are trying to proclaim our own righteousness. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 67 Sometimes I don't realize that I gossiped about someone until the end of the day, when I take an inventory of the day's activities, and then, my gossiping appears like a blemish in my beautiful day. How could I have said something like that? Gossip shows its ugly head during a coffee break or lunch with business associates, or I may gossip during the evening, when I'm tired from the day's activities, and feel justified in bolstering my ego at the expense of someone else. Character defects like gossip sneak into my life when I am not making a constant effort to work the Twelve Steps of recovery. I need to remind myself that my uniqueness is the blessing of my being, and that applies equally to everyone who crosses my path in life's journey. Today the only inventory I need to take is my own. I'll leave judgment of others to the Final JudgeDivine Providence. OCTOBER 16 THROUGHOUT EACH DAY This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84 During my early years in A. A. I saw Step Ten as a suggestion that I periodically look at my behavior and reactions. If there was something wrong, I should admit it; if an apology was necessary, I should give one. After a few years of sobriety I felt I should undertake a self-examination more frequently. Not until several more years of sobriety had elapsed did I realize the full meaning of Step Ten, and the word \"continued.\" \"Continued\" does not mean occasionally, or frequently. It means throughout each day. OCTOBER 17 A DAILY TUNE-UP Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 How do I maintain my spiritual condition? For me it's quite simple: on a daily basis I ask my Higher Power to grant me the gift of sobriety for that day! I have talked to many alcoholics who have gone back to drinking and I always ask them: \"Did you pray for sobriety the day you took your first drink?\" Not one of them said yes. As I practice Step Ten and try to keep my house in order on a daily basis, I have the knowledge that if I ask for a daily reprieve, it will be granted. OCTOBER 18 AN OPEN MIND True humility and an open mind can lead us to faith, . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 33 My alcoholic thinking led me to believe that I could control my drinking, but I couldn't. When I came to A.A., I realized that God was speaking to me through my group. My mind was open just enough to know that I needed His help. A real, honest acceptance of AA. took more time, but with it came humility. I know how insane I was, and I am ex-tremely grateful to have my sanity restored to me and to be a sober alcoholic. The new, sober me is a much better person than I ever could have been without A.A. OCTOBER 19 A.A'S \"MAIN TAPROOT\" The principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole Society has sprung and flowered. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 21-22 Defeated, and knowing it, I arrived at the doors of A.A., alone and afraid of the unknown. A power outside of myself had picked me up off my bed, guided me to the phone book, then to the bus stop, and through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. Once inside A.A. I experienced a sense of being loved and accepted, something I had net felt since early childhood. May I never lose the sense of won-der I experienced on that first evening with A.A., the greatest event of my entire life. OCTOBER 20 SOLACE FOR CONFUSION Obviously, the dilemma of the wanderer from faith is that of profound confusion. He thinks himself lost to the comfort of any conviction at all He cannot attain in even a small degree the assurance of the believer, the agnostic, or the atheist. He is the bewildered one. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 28 The concept of God was one that I struggled with during my early years of sobriety. The images that came to me, conjured from my past, were heavy with fear, rejection and condemnation. Then I heard my friend Ed's image of a Higher Power: As a boy he had been allowed a Utter of puppies, provided that he assume responsibility for their care. Each morning he would find the unavoidable \"by-products\" of the puppies on the kitchen floor. Despite frustration, Ed said he couldn't get angry because \"that's the nature of puppies.\" Ed felt that God viewed our defects and shortcomings with a similar understanding and warmth. I've often found solace from my personal confusion in Ed's calming concept of God. OCTOBER 21 NOTHING GROWS IN THE DARK W e will want the good that is in us all, even in the worst of us, to flower and to grow. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 10 With the self-discipline and insight gained from practicing Step Ten, I begin to know the gratifications of sobrietynot as mere abstinence from alcohol, but as recovery in every department of my life. I renew hope, regenerate faith, and regain the dignity of self-respect. I discover the word \"and\" in the phrase \"and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.\" Reassured that I am no longer always wrong, I learn to accept myself as I am, with a new sense of the miracles of sobriety and serenity. OCTOBER 22 TRUE TOLERANCE Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 92 The thought occurred to me that all people are emotionally ill to some extent. How could we not be? Who among us is spiritually perfect? Who among us is physically perfect? How could any of us be emotionally perfect? Therefore, what else are we to do but bear with one another and treat each other as we would be treated in similar circum-stances? That is what love really is. OCTOBER 23 WHAT WE KNOW BEST \"Shoemaker, stick to thy last!\" . . . better do one thing supremely well than many badly. That is the central theme of this Tradition [Five]. Around it our Society gathers in unity. The very life of our Fellowship requires the preservation of this principle. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 150 The survival of A.A. depends upon unity. What would happen if a group decided to become an employment agency, a treatment center or a social service agency? Too much specialization leads to no specialization, to frittering of efforts and, finally, to decline. I have the qualifications to share my sufferings and my way of recovery with the newcomer. Conformity to A.A.'s primary purpose insures the safety of the wonderful gift of sobriety, so my re-sponsibility is enormous. The life of millions of alcoholics is closely tied to my competence in \"carrying the message to the still-suffering alcoholic.\" OCTOBER 24 \"BY FAITH AND BY WORKS\" On anvils of experience, the structure of our Society was hammered out. . . . Thus has it been with A.A. By faith and by works we have been able to build upon the lessons of an incredible experience. They live today in the Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous, whichGod willingshall sustain us in unity for so long as He may need us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 131 God has allowed me the right to be wrong in order for our Fellowship to exist as it does today. If I place God's will first in my life, it is very likely that A.A. as I know it today will remain as it is. OCTOBER 25 A.A.'s HEARTBEAT Without unity, the heart of A.A. would cease to beat; . . . AS BILL SEES IT, p. 125 Without unity I would be unable to recover in A.A. on a daily basis. By practicing unity within my group, with other A.A. members and at all levels of this great Fellowship, I receive a pronounced feeling of knowing that I am a part of a miracle that was divinely inspired. The ability of Bill W. and Dr. Bob, working together and passing it on to other members, tells me that to give it away is to keep it. Unity is oneness and yet the whole Fellowship is for all of us. OCTOBER 26 ONE ULTIMATE AUTHORITY For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 132 When I am chosen to carry some small responsibility for my fellows, I ask that God grant me the patience, open-mindedness, and willingness to listen to those I would lead. I must remind myself that I am the trusted servant of others, not their \"governor,\" \"teacher,\" or \"instructor.\" God guides my words and my actions, and my responsibility is to heed His suggestions. Trust is my watchword, I trust others who lead. In the Fellowship of A.A., I entrust God with the ultimate authority of \"running the show.\" OCTOBER 27 GLOBAL SHARING The only thing that matters is that he is an alcoholic who has found a key to sobriety. These legacies of suffering and of recovery are easily passed among alcoholics, one to the other. This is our gift from God, and its bestowal upon others like us is the one aim that today animates A. A. 's all around the globe. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 151 The strength of Alcoholics Anonymous lies in the desire of each member and of each group around the world to share with other alcoholics their suffering and the steps taken to gain, and maintain, recovery. By keeping a conscious contact with my Higher Power, I make sure that I always nurture my desire to help other alcoholics, thus insuring the continuity of the wonderful fraternity of Alcoholics Anonymous. OCTOBER 28 AN UNBROKEN TRADITION We conceive the survival and spread of Alcoholics Anonymous to be something of far greater importance than the weight we could collectively throw back of any other cause. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 177 How much it means to me that an unbroken tradition of more than half a century is a thread that connects me to Bill W. and Dr. Bob. How much more grounded I feel to be in a Fellowship whose aims are constant and unflagging. I am grateful that the energies of A.A. have never been scattered, but focused instead on our members and on individual sobriety. My beliefs are what make me human; I am free to hold any opinion, but A.A.'s purposeso clearly stated fifty years agois for me to keep sober. That purpose has promoted round-the-clock meeting schedules, and the thousands of intergroup and central service offices, with their thousands of volunteers. Like the sun focused through a magnifying glass, A.A.'s single vision has lit a fire of faith in sobriety in millions of hearts, including mine. OCTOBER 29 OUR SURVIVAL Since recovery from alcoholism is life itself to us, it is imperative that we preserve in full strength our means of survival. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 177 The honesty expressed by the members of A.A. in meetings has the power to open my mind. Nothing can block the flow of energy that honesty carries with it. The only obstacle to this flow of energy is inebriation, but even then, no one will find a closed door if he or she has left and chooses to return. Once he or she has received the gift of sobriety, each A.A. member is challenged on a daily basis to accept a program of honesty. My Higher Power created me for a purpose in life. I ask him to accept my honest efforts to continue on my journey in the spiritual way of life. I call on Him for strength to know and seek His will. OCTOBER 30 LIVE AND LET LIVE Never since it began has Alcoholics Anonymous been divided by a major controversial issue. Nor has our Fellowship ever publicly taken sides on any question in an embattled world. This, however, has been no earned virtue. It could almost be said that we were born with it. . . . \"So long as we don't argue these matters privately, it's a cinch we never shall publicly.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 176 Do I remember that I have a right to my opinion but that others don't have to share it? That's the spirit of \"Live and Let Live.\" The Serenity Prayer reminds me, with God's help, to \"Accept the things I cannot change.\" Am I still trying to change others? When it comes to \"Courage to change the things I can,\" do I remember that my opinions are mine, and yours are yours? Am I still afraid to be me? When it comes to \"Wisdom to know the difference,\" do I remember that my opinions come from my experience? If I have a know-it-all attitude, aren't I being deliberately controversial? OCTOBER 31 AVOIDING CONTROVERSY All history affords us the spectacle of striving nations and groups finally torn asunder because they were designed for, or tempted into, controversy. Others fell apart because of sheer self-righteousness while trying to enforce upon the rest of mankind some millennium of their own specification. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 176 As an A.A. member and sponsor, I know I can cause real damage if I yield to temptation and give opinions and advice on another's medical, marital, or religious problems. I am not a doctor, counselor, or lawyer. I cannot tell anyone how he or she should live; however, I can share how I came through similar situations without drinking, and how A.A.'s Steps and Traditions help me in dealing with my life.  NOVEMBER 1 I CANNOT CHANGE THE WIND is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. W e are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 My first sponsor told me there were two things to say about prayer and meditation: first, I had to start and second, I had to continue. When I came to A.A. my spiritual life was bankrupt; if I considered God at all, He was to be called upon only when my self-will was incapable of a task or when overwhelming fears had eroded my ego. Today I am grateful for a new life, one in which my prayers are those of thanksgiving. My prayer time is more for listening than for talking. I know today that if I cannot change the wind, I can adjust my sail. I know the difference between superstition and spirituality. I know there is a graceful way of being right, and many ways to be wrong. NOVEMBER 2 KEEPING OPTIMISM AFLOAT The other Steps can keep most of us sober and somehow functioning. But Step Eleven can keep us growing . . . THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 240 A sober alcoholic finds it much easier to be optimistic about life. Optimism is the natural result of my finding myself gradually able to make the best, rather than the worst, of each situation. As my physical sobriety continues, I come out of the fog, gain a clearer perspective and am better able to determine what courses of action to take. As vital as physical sobriety is, I can achieve a greater poten-tial for myself by developing an ever-increasing willingness to avail myself of the guidance and direction of a Higher Power. My ability to do so comes from my learningand practicingthe principles of the A.A. program. The melding of my physical and spiritual sobriety produces the substance of a more positive life. NOVEMBER 3 FOCUSING AND LISTENING There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 98 If I do my self-examination first, then surely, I'll have enough humility to pray and meditatebecause I'll see and feel my need for them. Some wish to begin and end with prayer, leaving the self-examination and meditation to take place in between, whereas others start with meditation, listening for advice from God about their still hidden or unacknowledged defects. Still others engage in written and verbal work on their defects, ending with a prayer of praise and thanksgiving. These three-self-examination, meditation and prayerform a circle, without a beginning or an end. No matter where, or how, I start, I eventually arrive at my destination: a better life. NOVEMBER 4 A DAILY DISCIPLINE . . . when they [self-examination, meditation and prayer] are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 98 The last three Steps of the program invoke God's loving discipline upon my willful nature. If I devote just a few moments every night to a review of the highlights of my day, along with an acknowledgement of those aspects that didn't please me so much, I gain a personal history of myself, one that is essential to my journey into self-discovery. I was able to note my growth, or lack of it, and to ask in prayerful meditation to be relieved of those con-tinuing shortcomings that cause me pain. Meditation and prayer also teach me the art of focusing and listening. I find that the turmoil of the day gets tuned out as I pray for His will and guidance. The practice of asking Him to help me in my strivings for perfection puts a new slant on the tedium of any day, because I know there is honor in any job done well. The daily discipline of prayer and meditation will keep me in fit spiritual condition, able to face whatever the day bringswithout the thought of a drink. NOVEMBER 5 \"THE QUALITY OF FAITH\" This . . . has to do with the quality of faith. . . . In no deep or meaningful sense had we ever taken stock of ourselves. . . . W e had not even prayed rightly. W e had always said, \"Grant me my wishes\" instead of \"Thy will be done.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 32 God does not grant me material possessions, take away my suffering, or spare me from disasters, but He does give me a good life, the ability to cope, and peace of mind. My prayers are simple: first, they express my gratitude for the good things in my life, regardless of how hard I have to search for them; and second, I ask only for the strength and the wisdom to do His will. He answers with solutions to my problems, sustaining my ability to live through daily frustrations with a serenity I did not believe existed, and with the strength to practice the principles of A.A. in all of my everyday affairs. NOVEMBER 6 GOING WITH THE FLOW Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him. . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 96 The first words I speak when arising in the morning are, \"I arise, O God, to do Thy will.\" This is the shortest prayer I know and it is deeply ingrained in me. Prayer doesn't change God's attitude toward me; it changes my attitude toward God. As distinguished from prayer, meditation is a quiet time, without words. To be centered is to be physically relaxed, emotionally calm, mentally focused and spiritually aware. One way to keep the channel open and to improve my conscious contact with God is to maintain a grateful attitude. On the days when I am grateful, good things seem to happen in my life. The instant I start cursing things in my life, however, the flow of good stops. God did not interrupt the flow; my own negativity did. NOVEMBER 7 LET GO AND LET GOD . . . praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 96 When I \"Let Go and Let God,\" I think more clearly and wisely. Without having to think about it, I quickly let go of things that cause me immediate pain and discomfort. Because I find it hard to let go of the kind of worrisome thoughts and attitudes that cause me immense anguish, all I need do during those times is allow God, as I understand Him, to release them for me, and then and there, I let go of the thoughts, memories and attitudes that are troubling me. When I receive help from God, as I understand Him, I can live my life one day at a time and handle whatever challenges that come my way. Only then can I live a life of victory over alcohol, in comfortable sobriety. NOVEMBER 8 AN INDIVIDUAL ADVENTURE Meditation is something which can always be further developed. It has no boundaries, either of width or height. Aided by such instruction and example as we can find, it is essentially an individual adventure, something which each one of us works out in his own way. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 101 My spiritual growth is with God as I understand Him. With Him I find my true inner self. Daily meditation and prayer strengthen and renew my source of well-being. I receive then the openness to accept all that He has to offer. With God I have the reassurance that my journey will be as He wants for me, and for that I am grateful to have God in my life. NOVEMBER 9 STEPPING INTO THE SUNLIGHT But first of all we shall want sunlight; nothing much can grow in the dark. Meditation is our step out into the sun. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 10 Sometimes I think I don't have time for prayer and meditation, forgetting that I always found the time to drink. It is possible to make time for anything I want to do if I want it badly enough. When I start the routine of prayer and meditation, it's a good idea to plan to devote a small amount of time to it. I read a page from our Fellowship's books in the morning, and say \"Thank You, God,\" when I go to bed at night. As prayer becomes a habit, I will in-crease the time spent on it, without even noticing the foray it makes into my busy day. If I have trouble praying, I just repeat the Lord's Prayer because it really covers everything. Then I think of what I can be grateful for and say a word of thanks. I don't need to shut myself in a closet to pray. It can be done even in a room full of people. I just remove myself mentally for an instant. As the practice of prayer continues, I will find I don't need words, for God can, and does, hear my thoughts through silence. NOVEMBER 10 A SENSE OF BELONGING Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation and prayer is the sense of belonging that comes to us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105 That's what it isbelonging! After a session of meditation I knew that the feeling I was experiencing was a sense of belonging because I was so relaxed. I felt quieter inside, more willing to discard little irritations. I appreciated my sense of humor. What I also experience in my daily practice is the sheer pleasure of belonging to the creative flow of God's world. How propitious for us that prayer and meditation are written right into our A.A. way of life. NOVEMBER 11 SELF-ACCEPTANCE We know that God lovingly watches over us. W e know that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us, here and hereafter. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105 I pray for the willingness to remember that I am a child of God, a divine soul in human form, and that my most basic and urgent life-task is to accept, know, love and nurture myself. As I accept myself, I am accepting God's will. As I know and love myself, I am knowing and loving God. As I nurture myself I am acting on God's guidance. I pray for the willingness to let go of my arrogant selfcriticism, and to praise God by humbly accepting and caring for myself. NOVEMBER 12 MORNING THOUGHTS Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164 For many years I pondered over God's will for me, believing that perhaps a great destiny had been ordained for my life. After all, having been born into a specific faith, hadn't I been told early that I was \"chosen\"? It finally occurred to me, as I considered the above passage, that God's will for me was simply that I practice Step Twelve on a daily basis. Furthermore, I realized I should do this to the best of my ability. I soon learned that the practice aids me in keeping my life in the context of the day at hand. NOVEMBER 13 LOOKING OUTWARD We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no requests for ourselves only. W e may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped W e are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 87 As an active alcoholic, I allowed selfishness to run rampant in my life. I was so attached to my drinking and other selfish habits that people and moral principles came second. Now, when I pray for the good of others rather than my \"own selfish ends,\" I practice a discipline in letting go of selfish attachments, caring for my fellows and preparing for the day when I will be required to let go of all earthly attachments. NOVEMBER 14 INTUITION AND INSPIRATION . . we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought >r a decision. W e relax and take it easy. W e don't struggle. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86 [ invest my time in what I truly love. Step Eleven is a discipline that allows me and my Higher Power to be together, reminding me that, with God's help, intuition and inspiration are possible. Practice of the Step brings on self-love. In a consistent attempt to improve my conscious contact with a Higher Power, I am subtly reminded of my unhealthy past, with its patterns of grandiose thinking and false feelings of omnipotence. When I ask for the power to carry out God's will for me, I am made aware of my powerlessness. Humility and a healthy self-love are compatible, a direct result of working Step Eleven. NOVEMBER 15 VITAL SUSTENANCE Those of us who have come to make regular use of prayer would no more do without it than we would refuse air, food, or sunshine. And for the same reason. When we refuse air, light, or food, the body suffers. And when we turn away from meditation and prayer, we likewise deprive our minds, our emotions, and our intuitions of vitally needed support. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 97 Step Eleven doesn't have to overwhelm me. Conscious contact with God can be as simple, and as profound, as conscious contact with another human being. I can smile. I can listen. I can forgive. Every encounter with another is an opportunity for prayer, for acknowledging God's presence within me. Today I can bring myself a little closer to my Higher Power. The more I choose to seek the beauty of God's work in other people, the more certain of His presence I will become. NOVEMBER 16 A DAILY REPRIEVE What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 Maintaining my spiritual condition is like working out every day, planning for the marathon, swimming laps, jogging. It's staying in good shape spiritually, and that requires prayer and meditation. The single most important way for me to improve my conscious contact with a Higher Power is to pray and meditate. I am as powerless over alcohol as I am to turn back the waves of the sea; no human force had the power to overcome my alcoholism. Now I am able to breathe the air of joy, happiness and wisdom. I have the power to love and react to events around me with the eyes of a faith in things that are not readily apparent. My daily reprieve means that, no matter how difficult or painful things appear today, I can draw on the power of the program to stay liberated from my cunning, baffling and powerful illness. NOVEMBER 17 OVERCOMING LONELINESS Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by loneliness Even before our drinking got bad and people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered the feeling that we didn't quite belong. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 90 The agonies and the void that I often felt inside occur less and less frequently in my life today. I have learned to cope with solitude. It is only when I am alone and calm that I am able to communicate with God, for He cannot reach me when I am in turmoil. It is good to maintain contact with God at all times, but it is absolutely essential that, when everything seems to go wrong, I maintain that contact through prayer and meditation. NOVEMBER 18 A SAFETY NET Occasionally. . . . W e are seized with a rebellion so sickening that we simply won't pray. When these things happen we should not think too ill of ourselves. W e should simply resume prayer as soon as we can, doing what we know to be good for us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105 Sometimes I scream, stomp my feet, and turn my back on my Higher Power. Then my disease tells me that I am a failure, and that if I stay angry I'll surely get drunk. In those moments of self-will it's as if I've slipped over a cliff and am hanging by one hand. The above passage is my safety net, in that it urges me to try some new behavior, such as being kind and patient with myself. It assures me that my Higher Power will wait until I am willing once again to risk letting go, to land in the net, and to pray. NOVEMBER 19 \"I WAS SLIPPING FAST\" We A.A.'s are active folk, enjoying the satisfactions of dealing with the realities of life, . . . So it isn't surprising that we often tend to slight serious meditation and prayer as something not really necessary. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 96 I had been slipping away from the program for some time, but it took a death threat from a terminal disease to bring me back, and particularly to the practice of the Eleventh Step of our blessed Fellowship. Although I had fifteen years of sobriety and was still very active in the program, I knew that the quality of my sobriety had slipped badly. Eighteen months later, a checkup revealed a malignant tumor and a prognosis of certain death within six months. Despair settled in when I enrolled in a rehab program, after which I suffered two small strokes which revealed two large brain tumors. As I kept hitting new bottoms I had to ask myself why this was happening to me. God allowed me to rec-ognize my dishonesty and to become teachable again. Miracles began to happen. But primarily I relearned the whole meaning of the Eleventh Step. My physical condition has improved dramatically, but my illness is minor compared to what I almost lost completely. NOVEMBER 20 \"THY WILL, NOT MINE\" . . . when making specific requests, it will be well to add to each one of them this qualification. \". . . if it be Thy will\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 102 I ask simply that throughout the day God place in me the best understanding of His w ill that I can have for that day, and that I be given the grace by which I may carry it out. As the day goes on, I can pause when facing situations that must be met and decisions that must be made, and renew the simple request: \"Thy will, not mine, be done.\" I must always keep in mind that in every situation I am responsible for the effort and God is responsible for the outcome. I can \"Let Go and Let God\" by humbly repeating: \"Thy will, not mine, be done.\" Patience and persistence in seeking His will for me will free me from the pain of selfish expectations. NOVEMBER 21 A CLASSIC PRAYER Lord, make me a channel for thy peacethat where there is hatred, I may bring lovethat where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgivenessthat where there is discord, I may bring harmonythat where there is error, I may bring truththat where there is doubt, I may bring faiththat where there is despair, I may bring hopethat where there are shadows, I may bring lightthat where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comfortedto under-stand, than to be understoodto love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 99 No matter where I am in my spiritual growth, the St. Francis prayer helps me improve my conscious contact with the God of my understanding. I think that one of the great advantages of my faith in God is that I do not understand Him, or Her, or It. It may be that my relationship with my Higher Power is so fruitful that I do not have to understand. All that I am certain of is that if I work the Eleventh Step regularly, as best I can, I will continue to improve my conscious contact, I will know His will NOVEMBER 22 ONLY TWO SINS . . . there are only two sins; the first is to interfere with the growth of another human being, and the second is to interfere with one's own growth. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 542 Happiness is such an elusive state. How often do my \"prayers\" for others involve \"hidden\" prayers for my own agenda? How often is my search for happiness a boulder in the path of growth for another, or even myself? Seeking growth through humility and acceptance brings things that appear to be anything but good, wholesome and vital. Yet in looking back, I can see that pain, struggles and setbacks have all contributed eventually to serenity through growth in the program. I ask my Higher Power to help me not cause another's lack of growth todayor my own. NOVEMBER 23 \"HOLD YOUR FACE TO THE LIGHT\" Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the Light, even though for the moment you do not see. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 3 One Sunday in October, during my morning meditation, I glanced out the window at the ash tree in our front yard. At once I was overwhelmed by its magnificent, golden color! As I stared in awe at God's work of art, the leaves began to fall and, within minutes, the branches were bare. Sadness came over me as I thought of the winter months ahead, but just as I was reflecting on autumn's annual process, God's message came through. Like the trees, stripped of their leaves in the fall, sprout new blossoms in the spring, I had had my compulsive, selfish ways removed by God in order for me to blossom into a sober, joyful member of A.A. Thank you, God, for the changing seasons and for my ever-changing life. NOVEMBER 24 A UNIVERSAL SEARCH Be quick to see where religious people are right Make use of what they offer. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 87 I do not claim to have all the answers in spiritual matters, any more than I claim to have all the answers about alcoholism. There are others who are also engaged in a spiritual search. If I keep an open mind about what others have to say, I have much to gain. My sobriety is greatly enriched, and my practice of the Eleventh Step more fruitful, when I use both the literature and practices of my Judeo-Christian tradition, and the resources of other religions. Thus, I receive support from many sources in staying away from the first drink. NOVEMBER 25 A POWERFUL TRADITION In the years before the publication of the book, \"Alcoholics Anonymous,\" we had no name. . . . By a narrow majority the verdict was for naming our book \"The W ay Out\" . . . One of our early lone members . . . found exactly twelve books already titled \"The W ay Out\" ... S o \"Alcoholics Anonymous\" became first choice. That's how we got a name for our book of experience, a name for our movement and, as we are now beginning to see, a tradition of the greatest spiritual import. \"A.A. TRADITION: HOW IT DEVELOPED,\" pp. 35-36 Beginning with Bill's momentous decision in Akron to make a telephone call rather than a visit to the hotel bar, how often has a Higher Power made itself felt at crucial moments in our history! The eventual importance that the principle of anonymity would acquire was but dimly perceived, if at all, in those early days. There seems to have been an element of chance even in the choice of a name for our Fellowship. God is no stranger to anonymity and often appears in human affairs in the guises of \"luck,\" \"chance,\" or \"coincidence.\" If anonymity, somewhat fortuitously, became the spiritual basis for all of our Traditions, perhaps God was acting anonymously on our behalf. NOVEMBER 26 THE HAZARDS OF PUBLICITY People who symbolize causes and ideas fill a deep human need. W e of A.A. do not question that. But we do have to soberly face the fact that being in the public eye is hazardous, especially for us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 181 As a recovered alcoholic I must make an effort to put into practice the principles of the AA. program, which are founded on honesty, truth and humility. While I was drinking I was constantly trying to be in the limelight. Now that I am conscious of my mistakes and of my former lack of integrity, it would not be honest to seek prestige, even for the justifiable purpose of promoting the A.A. message of recovery. Is the publicity that centers around the A.A. Fellowship and the miracles it produces not worth much more? Why not let the people around us appreciate by themselves the changes that A.A. has brought in us, for that will be a far better recommendation for the Fellowship than any I could make. NOVEMBER 27 THE PERILS OF THE LIMELIGHT In the beginning, the press could not understand our refusal of all personal publicity. They were genuinely baffled by our insistence upon anonymity. Then they got the point. Here was something rare in the world a society which said it wished to publicize its principles and its work, but not its individual members. The press was delighted with this attitude. Ever since, these friends have reported A.A. with an enthusiasm which the most ardent members would find hard to match. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 182 It is essential for my personal survival and that of the Fellowship that I not use A.A. to put myself in the limelight. Anonymity is a way for me to work on my humility. Since pride is one of my most dangerous shortcomings, practicing humility is one of the best ways to overcome it. The Fellowship of A.A. gains worldwide recognition by its various methods of publicizing its principles and its work, not by its individual members advertising themselves. The attraction created by my changing attitudes and my altruism contributes much more to the welfare of A.A. than self-promotion. NOVEMBER 28 ATTRACTION, NOT PROMOTION Through many painful experiences, we think we have arrived at what that policy ought to be. It is the opposite in many ways of usual promotional practice. W e found that we had to rely upon the principle of attraction rather than of promotion. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 180-81 While I was drinking I reacted with anger, self-pity and defiance against anyone who wanted to change me. All I wanted then was to be accepted by another human simply as I was and, curiously, that is what I found in A.A. I became the custodian of this concept of attraction, which is the principle of our Fellowship's public relations. It is by attraction that I can best reach the alcoholic who still suffers. I thank God for having given me the attraction of a wellplanned and established program of Steps and Traditions. Through humility and the support of my fellow sober members, I have been able to practice the A.A. way of life through attraction, not promotion. NOVEMBER 29 \"ACTIVE GUARDIANS\" To us, however, it represents far more than a sound public relations policy. It is more than a denial of self-seeking. This Tradition is a constant and practical reminder that personal ambition has no place in A A. In it, each member becomes an active guardian of our Fellowship. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 183 The basic concept of humility is expressed in the Eleventh Tradition: it allows me to participate completely in the program in such a simple, yet profound, manner; it fulfills my need to be an integral part of a significant whole. Humility brings me closer to the actual spirit of togetherness and oneness, without which I could not stay sober. In remembering that every member is an example of sobriety, each one living the Eleventh Tradition, I am able to experience freedom because each one of us is anonymous. NOVEMBER 30 PROTECTION FOR ALL At the personal level, anonymity provides protection or all members from identification as alcoholics, a safeguard often of special importance to newcomers, i t the level of press, radio, TV, and films, anonymity tresses the equality in the Fellowship of all members by putting the brake on those who might otherwise exploit their A.A. affiliation to achieve recognition, power, or personal gain. \"UNDERSTANDING ANONYMITY,\" p. 5 Attraction is the main force in the Fellowship of A.A. The miracle of continuous sobriety of alcoholics within A.A. confirms this fact every day. It would be harmful if the Fellowship promoted itself by publicizing, through the media of radio and TV, the sobriety of well-known public personalities who became members of A.A. If these personalities happened to have slips, outsiders would think our movement is not strong and they might question the veracity of the miracle of the century. Alcoholics Anonymous is not anonymous, but its members should be. DECEMBER 1 \"SUGGESTED\" STEPS Our Twelfth Step also says that as a result of practicing all the Steps, we have each found something called a spiritual awakening. . . . A. A.'s manner of making ready to receive this gift lies in the practice of the Twelve Steps in our program.\" TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 106-07 I remember my sponsor's answer when I told him that the Steps were \"suggested.\" He replied that they are \"suggested\" in the same way that, if you were to jump out of an airplane with a parachute, it is \"suggested\" that you pull the ripcord to save your life. He pointed out that it was \"suggested\" I practice the Twelve Steps, if I wanted to save my life. So I try to remember daily that I have a whole program of recovery based on all Twelve of the \"suggested\" Steps. DECEMBER 2 SERENITY Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, . . . TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 106 As I continued to go to meetings and work the Steps, something began to happen to me. I felt confused because I wasn't sure what it was that I was feeling, and then I realized I was experiencing serenity. It was a good feeling, but where had it come from? Then I realized it had come \" . . . as the result of these steps.\" The program may not always be easy to practice, but I had to acknowledge that my serenity had come to me after working the Steps. As I work the Steps in everything I do, prac-ticing these principles in all my affairs, now I find that I am awake to God, to others, and to myself. The spiritual awakening I have enjoyed as the result of working the Steps is the awareness that I am no longer alone. DECEMBER 3 IN ALL OUR AFFAIRS . . . we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 106 I find that carrying the message of recovery to other alcoholics is easy because it helps me to stay sober and it provides me with a sense of well-being about my own recovery. The hard part is practicing these principles in all my affairs. It is important that I share the benefits I receive from A.A., especially at home. Doesn't my family deserve the same patience, tolerance and understanding I so readily give to the alcoholic? When reviewing my day I try to ask, \"Did I have a chance to be a friend today and miss it?\" \"Did I have a chance to rise above a nasty situation and avoid it?\" \"Did I have a chance to say 'I'm sorry,' and refuse to?\" Just as I ask God for help with my alcoholism each day, I ask for help in extending my recovery to include all situations and all people! DECEMBER 4 INTO ACTION A. A. is more than a set of principles; it is a society of alcoholics in action. W e must carry the message, else we ourselves can wither and those who haven't been given the truth may die. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 13 I desperately wanted to live, but if I was to succeed, I had to become active in our God-given program. I joined what became my group, where I opened the hall, made coffee, and cleaned up. I had been sober about three months when an oldtimer told me I was doing Twelfth-Step work. What a satisfying realization that was! I felt I was really accomplishing something. God had given me a second chance, A.A. had shown me the way, and these gifts were not only freethey were also priceless! Now the joy of seeing newcomers grow reminds me of where I have come from, where I am now, and the limitless possibilities that he ahead. I need to attend meetings because they recharge my batteries so that I have light when it's needed. I'm still a beginner in service work, but already I am receiving more than I'm giving. I can't keep it unless I give it away. I am responsible when another reaches out for help. I want to be theresober. DECEMBER 5 A NEW STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 107 Many of us in AA. puzzle over what is a spiritual awakening. I tended to look for a miracle, something dramatic and earth-shattering. But what usually happens is that a sense of well-being, a feeling of peace, transforms us into a new level of awareness. That's what happened to me. My insanity and inner turmoil disappeared and I entered into a new dimension of hope, love and peace. I think the degree to which I continue to experience this new di-mension is in direct proportion to the sincerity, depth and devotion with which I practice the Twelve Steps of A.A. DECEMBER 6 WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN When we developed still more, we discovered the best possible source of emotional stability to be God Himself. We found that dependence upon His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy, and that it would work where nothing else would. If we really depended upon God, we couldn't very well play God to our fellows nor would we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 116 It has been my experience that, when all human resources appear to have failed, there is always One who will never desert me. Moreover, He is always there to share my joy, to steer me down the right path, and to confide in when no one else will do. While my well-being and happiness can be added to, or diminished, by human efforts, only God can provide the loving nourishment upon which I depend for my daily spiritual health. DECEMBER 7 TRUE AMBITION True ambition is not what we thought it was. True ambition is the deep desire to live usefully and walk humbly under the grace of God. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 124-25 During my drinking years, my one and only concern was to have my fellow man think highly of me. My ambition in everything I did was to have the power to be at the top. My inner self kept telling me something else but I couldn't accept it. I didn't even allow myself to realize that I wore a mask continually. Finally, when the mask came off and I cried out to the only God I could conceive, the Fellowship of A.A., my group and the Twelve Steps were there. I learned how to change resentments into acceptance, fear into hope and anger into love. I have learned also, through loving without undue expectations, through sharing my concerns and caring for my fellow man, that each day can be joyous and fruitful. I begin and end my day with thanks to God, who has so generously shed His grace on me. DECEMBER 8 SERVICE Life will take on new meaning. T o watch people re-over, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have host of friendsthis is an experience you must not miss. . . . Frequent contact with newcomers and nth each other is the bright spot of our lives. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 89 t is through service that the greatest rewards are to be found. But to be in a position of offering true, useful and effective service to others, I must first work on myself. This means that I have to abandon myself to God, admitting my faults and clearing away the wreckage of my past. Work on myself has aught me how to find the necessary peace and serenity to successfully merge inspiration and experience. I have learned how to be, in the truest sense, in open channel of sobriety. DECEMBER 9 LOVE WITH NO PRICE TAG When the Twelfth Step is seen in its full implication, it is really talking about the kind of love that has no price tag on it TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 106 In order for me to start working the Twelfth Step, I had to work on sincerity, honesty, and to learn to act with humility. Carrying the message is a gift of myself, no matter how many years of sobriety I may have accumulated. My dreams can become reality. I solidify my sobriety by sharing what I have received freely. As I look back to that time when I began my recovery, there was already a seed of hope that I could help another drunk pull himself out of his alcoholic mire. My wish to help another drunk is the key to my spiritual health. But I never forget that God acts through me. I am only His instrument. Even if the other person is not ready, there is success, because my effort in his behalf has helped me to remain sober and to become stronger. To act, to never grow weary in my Twelfth Step work, is the key. If I am capable of laughing today, let me not forget those days when I cried. God reminds me that I can feel compassion! DECEMBER 10 CARRYING THE MESSAGE Now, what about the rest of the Twelfth Step? The wonderful energy it releases and the eager action by which it carries our message to the next suffering alcoholic and which finally translates the Twelve Steps into action upon all our affairs is the payoff, the magnificent reality, of Alcoholics Anonymous. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 109 To renounce the alcoholic world is not to abandon it, but to act upon principles I have come to love and cherish, and to restore in others who still suffer the serenity I have come to know. When I am truly committed to this purpose, it matters little what clothes I wear or how I make a living. My task is to carry the message, and to lead by example, not design. DECEMBER 11 \"A GENUINE HUMILITY\" . . . we are actually to practice a genuine humility. This is to the end that our great blessings may never spoil us; that we shall forever live in thankful contemplation of Him who presides over us all. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 192 Experience has taught me that my alcoholic personality tends to be grandiose. While having seemingly good intentions, I can go off on tangents in pursuit of my \"causes.\" My ego takes over and I lose sight of my primary purpose. I may even take credit for God's handiwork in my life. Such an overstated feeling of my own importance is dangerous to my sobriety and could cause great harm to A.A. as a whole. My safeguard, the Twelfth Tradition, serves to keep me humble. I realize, both as an individual and as a member of the Fellowship, that I cannot boast of my accomplishments, and that \"God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.\" DECEMBER 12 A COMMON SOLUTION The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. W e have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious ac-ion. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 17 The most far-reaching Twelfth Step work was the publication of our Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous. Few can equal that book for carrying the message. My idea is to get out of myself and simply do what I can. Even if I haven't been asked to sponsor and my phone rarely rings, I am still able to do Twelfth Step work. I get involved in \"brotherly and harmonious action.\" At meetings I show up early to greet people and to help set up, and to share my experience, strength and hope. I also do what I can with service work. My Higher Power gives me exactly what He wants me to do at any given point in my recovery and, if I let Him, my willingness will bring Twelfth Step work automatically. DECEMBER 13 THINKING OF OTHERS Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 20 Thinking of others has never come easily to me. Even when I try to work the A.A. program, I'm prone to thinking, \"How do I feel today. Am I happy, joyous and free?\" The program tells me that my thoughts must reach out to those around me: \"Would that newcomer welcome someone to talk to?\" \"That person looks a little unhappy today, maybe I could cheer him up.\" It is only when I forget my problems, and reach out to contribute something to others that I can begin to attain the serenity and God-consciousness I seek. DECEMBER 14 REACHING OUT Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of spiritual looks for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 95 When I come into contact with a newcomer, do I have a tendency to look at him from my perceived ingle of success in A.A.? Do I compare him with the large number of acquaintances I have made in the Fellowship? Do I point out to him in a magisterial way the voice of A.A.? What is my real attitude toward him? I must examine myself whenever I meet a newcomer to make sure that I am carrying the message with simplicity, humility and generosity. The one who still suffers from the terrible dis-ease of alcoholism must find in me a friend who will allow him to get to know the A.A. way, because I had such a friend when I arrived in A.A. Today it is my turn to hold out my hand, with love, to my sister or brother alcoholic, and to show her or him the way to happiness. DECEMBER 15 DOING ANYTHING TO HELP Offer him [the alcoholic] friendship and fellowship. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 95 I remember how attracted I was to the two men from A.A. who Twelfth-Stepped me. They said I could have what they had, with no conditions attached, that all I had to do was make my own decision to join them on the pathway to recovery. When I start convincing a newcomer to do things my way, I forget how helpful those two men were to me in their open-minded generosity. DECEMBER 16 PARTNERS IN RECOVERY . . nothing will so much insure immunity from finking as intensive work with other alcoholics. . . Both you and the new man must walk day by ay in the path of spiritual progress. . . . Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your resent circumstances! ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 89, 100 Doing the right things for the right reasonsthis is my way of controlling my selfishness and self-centeredness. I realize that my dependency on a higher Power clears the way for peace of mind, happiness and sobriety. I pray each day that I will avoid my previous actions, so that I will be helpful o others. DECEMBER 17 A PRICELESS REWARD . . . work with other alcoholics. . . . It work when other activities fail. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 8 \"Life will take on new meaning,\" as the Big Book says (p.89). This promise has helped me to avow self-seeking and self-pity. To watch others grow in this wonderful program, to see them improve the quality of their lives, is a priceless reward for my effort to help others. Self-examination is yet another reward for an ongoing recovery, as are serenity, peace and contentment. The energy derived from seeing others on a successful path, of sharing with them the joys of the journey, gives to my life a new meaning. DECEMBER 18 HONESTY WITH NEWCOMERS 'ell him exactly what happened to you. Stress the spiritual feature freely. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 93 The marvel of A.A. is that I tell only what happened to me. I don't waste time offering advice to potential newcomers, for if advice worked, nobody would get to A.A. All I have to do is show what has brought me sobriety and what has changed my life. If I fail to stress the spiritual feature of A.A.'s program, I am being dishonest. The newcomer should not be given a false impression of sobriety. I am sober only through the grace of my Higher Power, and that makes it possible for me to share with others. DECEMBER 19 UNDERSTANDING THE MALADY When dealing with an alcoholic, there may be a natural annoyance that a man could be so weak, stupid and irresponsible. Even when you understand the malady better, you may feel this feeling rising. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 139 Having suffered from alcoholism, I should understand the illness, but sometimes I feel annoyance, even contempt, toward a person who cannot make it in A.A. When I feel that way, I am satisfying my false sense of superiority and I must remember, but for the grace of God, there go I. DECEMBER 20 THE REWARDS OF GIVING This is indeed the kind of giving that actually demands nothing. He does not expect his brother sufferer to pay him, or even to love him. And then he discovers that by the divine paradox of this kind of giving he has found his own reward, whether his brother has yet received anything or not. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 109 Through experience with Twelfth Step work, I came to understand the rewards of giving that demands nothing in return. At first I expected recovery in others, but I soon learned that this did not happen. Once I acquired the humility to accept the fact that every Twelfth Step call was not going to result in a success, then I was open to receive the rewards of selfless giving. DECEMBER 21 LISTEN, SHARE AND PRAY When working with a man and his family, you should take care not to participate in their quarrels. You may spoil your chance of being helpful if you do. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 100 When trying to help a fellow alcoholic, I've given in to an impulse to give advice, and perhaps that's inevitable. But allowing others the right to be wrong reaps its own benefits. The best I can do and it sounds easier than it is to put into practice is to listen, share personal experience, and pray for others. DECEMBER 22 PRINCIPLES, NOT PERSONALITIES The way our \"worthy\" alcoholics have sometimes tried to judge the \"less worthy\" is, as we look back on it, rather comical. Imagine, if you can, one alcoholic judging another! THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 37 Who am I to judge anyone? When I first entered the Fellowship I found that I liked everyone. After all, A.A. was going to help me to a better way of life without alcohol. The reality was that I couldn't possibly like everyone, nor they me. As I've grown in the Fellowship, I've learned to love everyone just from listening to what they had to say. That person over there, or the one right here, may be the one God has chosen to give me the message I need for today. I must always remember to place principles above personalities. DECEMBER 23 RECOVERY, UNITY, SERVICE Our Twelfth Stepcarrying the messageis the basic service that AA's Fellowship gives; this is our principal aim and the main reason for our existence. THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 160 I thank God for those who came before me, those who told me not to forget the Three Legacies: Recovery, Unity and Service. In my home group, the Three Legacies were described on a sign which said: \"You take a three-legged stool, try to balance it on only one leg, or two. Our Three Legacies must be kept intact. In Recovery, we get sober together; in Unity, we work together for the good of our Steps and Traditions; and through Servicewe give away freely what has been given to us.\" One of the chief gifts of my life has been to know that I will have no message to give, unless I recover in unity with A.A. principles. DECEMBER 24 A \"SANE AND HAPPY USEFULNESS\" We have come to believe He would like us to keep our heads in the clouds with Him, but that our feet ought to be firmly planted on earth. That is where our fellow travelers are, and that is where our work must be done. These are the realities for us. W e have found nothing incompatible between a powerful spiritual experience and a life of sane and happy usefulness ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 130 All the prayer and meditation in the world will not help me unless they are accompanied by action. Practicing the principles in all my affairs shows me the care that God takes in all parts of my life. God appears in my world when I move aside, and allow Him to step into it. DECEMBER 25 AT PEACE WITH LIFE Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities \"How can I best serve TheeThy will (not mine) be done.\" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 I read this passage each morning, to start off my day, because it is a continual reminder to \"practice these principles in all my affairs.\" When I keep God's will at the forefront of my mind, I am able to do what I should be doing, and that puts me at peace with life, with myself and with God. DECEMBER 26 ACCEPTING SUCCESS OR FAILURE Furthermore, how shall we come to terms with seeming failure or success? Can we now accept and adjust to either without despair or pride? Can we accept poverty, sickness, loneliness, and bereavement with courage and serenity? Can we steadfastly content ourselves with the humbler, yet sometimes more durable, satisfactions when the brighter, more glittering achievements are denied us? TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 112 After I found A.A. and stopped drinking, it took a while before I understood why the First Step contained two parts: my powerlessness over alcohol, and my life's unmanageability. In the same way, I believed for a long time that, in order to be in tune with the Twelve Steps, it was enough for me \"to carry this message to alcoholics.\" That was rushing things. I was forgetting that there were a total of Twelve Steps and that the Twelfth Step also had more than one part. Eventually I learned that it was necessary for me to \"practice these principles\" in all areas of my life. In working all the Steps thoroughly, I not only stay sober and help someone else to achieve sobriety, but also I transform my difficulty with living into a joy of living. DECEMBER 27 PROBLEM SOLVING \"Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems.\" ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 42 Through the recovery process described in the Big Book, I have come to realize that the same instructions that work on my alcoholism, work on much more. Whenever I am angry or frustrated, I consider the matter a manifestation of the main problem within me, alcoholism. As I \"walk\" through the Steps, my difficulty is usually dealt with long before I reach the Twelfth \"suggestion,\" and those difficulties that persist are remedied when I make an effort to carry the message to someone else. These principles do solve my problems! I have not encountered an exception, and I have been brought to a way of living which is satisfying and useful. DECEMBER 28 SUIT UP AND SHOW UP In A.A. we aim not only for sobrietywe try again to become citizens of the world that we rejected, and of the world that once rejected us. This is the ultimate demonstration toward which Twelfth Step work is the first but not the final step. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 21 The old line says, \"Suit up and show up.\" That action is so important that I like to think of it as my motto. I can choose each day to suit up and show up, or not. Showing up at meetings starts me toward feeling a part of that meeting, for then I can do what I say I'll do at meetings. I can talk with newcomers, and I can share my experience; that's what credibility, honesty, and courtesy really are. Suiting up and showing up are the concrete actions I take in my ongoing return to normal living. DECEMBER 29 THE JOY OF LIVING . . . therefore the joy of good living is the theme of A.A.'s Twelfth Step. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 125 A.A. is a joyful program! Even so, I occasionally balk at taking the necessary steps to move ahead, and find myself resisting the very actions that could bring about the joy I want. I would not resist if those actions did not touch some vulnerable area of my life, an area that needs hope and fulfillment. Repeated exposure to joyfulness has a way of softening the hard, outer edges of my ego. Therein lies the power of joyfulness to help all members of A.A. DECEMBER 30 ANONYMITY Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 564 Tradition Twelve became important early in my sobriety and, along with the Twelve Steps, it continues to be a must in my recovery. I became aware after I joined the Fellowship that I had personality problems, so that when I first heard it, the Tradition's message was very clear: there exists an immediate way for me to face, with others, my alcoholism and attendant anger, defensiveness, offensiveness. I saw Tradition Twelve as being a great ego-deflator; it relieved my anger and gave me a chance to utilize the principles of the program. All of the Steps, and this particular Tradition, have guided me over decades of continuous sobriety. I am grateful to those who were here when I needed them. DECEMBER 31 DAILY RESOLUTIONS The idea of \"twenty-four-hour living\" applies primarily to the emotional life of the individual. Emotionally speaking, we must not live in yesterday, nor in tomorrow. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 284 A New Year: 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutesa time to consider directions, goals, and actions. I must make some plans to live a normal life, but also I must live emotionally within a twenty-four-hour frame, for if I do, I don't have to make New Year's resolutions! I can make every day a New Year's day! I can decide, \"Today I will do this . . . Today I will do that.\" Each day I can measure my life by trying to do a little better, by deciding to follow God's will and by making an effort to put the principles of our A.A. program into action.", "source": {"title": "AA-Daily-Reflections.pdf", "extraction_date": "2024-12-22T15:50:08.910560", "total_pages": 374}, "section_index": 0, "qa_type": "aa_specific", "timestamp": "2024-12-22T15:50:12.842143"}
{"question": "What are the main points discussed in this section of AA-12-Steps-12-Traditions.pdf?", "answer": "TWELVE STEPSandTWELVE TRADITIONS  TWELVESTEPSandTWELVETRADITIONSxALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS WORLD SERVICES, INC.BOX 459, GRAND CENTRAL STATIONNEW YORK, NY 10163 Copyright 1952, 1953, 1981 by The A.A. Grapevine,Inc. and Alcoholics Anonymous Publishing (nowknown as )All rights reservedFirst Printing, April 1953Sixty-fourth Printing, January 2003Windows Help version, July 1994*Electronic .PDF version, September 2005+ This edition is NOT A.A. General Service Conference approved literature ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS and A.A. are registeredtrademarks of A.A. World Services, Inc.ISBN 0-916856-01-1Library of Congress Catalog Card No. 53-5454Printed in the United States of America* Transcribed by M r. D.. Sof tware dev el opm en t b y cy b .+ .PDF version based upon the text of the Windows Help versionand published by ARID Media. A.A. World Services and itssubsidiaries were not involved within the production of thisspecific work. ContentsForeword15THE TWELVE STEPSStep One21W e admitted we were powerless over alcoholthatour lives had become unmanageable.Who cares to admit complete defeat? Admission of pow-erlessness is the first step in liberation. Relation of humili-ty to sobriety. Mental obsession plus physical allergy.Why must every A.A. hit bottom?Step Two25Came to believe that a P ow er greater than ourselvescould restore us to sanity.What can we believe in? A.A. does not demand belief;Twelve Steps are only suggestions. Importance of an openmind. Variety of ways to faith. Substitution of A.A. asHigher Power. Plight of the disillusioned. Roadblocks ofindifference and prejudice. Lost faith found in A.A. Prob-lems of intellectuality and self-sufficiency. Negative andpositive thinking. Self-righteousness. Defiance is an out-standing characteristic of alcoholics. Step Two is a rally-ing point to sanity. Right relation to God.Step Three34Made a decision to turn our w ill and our lives over tothe care of God, as we understood Him.Step Three is like opening of a locked door. How shall welet God into our lives? Willingness is the key. Depen-dence as a means to independence. Dangers of self-suffi-5 6CONTENTSciency. Turning our will over to Higher Power. Misuse ofwillpower. Sustained and personal exertion necessary toconform to God's will. Step Four42Made a searching and fearless moral inventory ofourselves.How instincts can exceed their proper function. Step Fouris an effort to discover our liabilities. Basic problem ofextremes in instinctive drives. Misguided moral inventorycan result in guilt, grandiosity, or blaming others. Assetscan be noted with liabilities. Self-justification is danger-ous. Willingness to take inventory brings light and newconfidence. Step Four is beginning of lifetime practice.Common symptoms of emotional insecurity are worry,anger, self-pity, and depression. Inventory reviews rela-tionships. Importance of thoroughness.Step Five55Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another humanbeing the exact nature of our wrongs.Twelve Steps deflate ego. Step Five is difficult but neces-sary to sobriety and peace of mind. Confession is an an-cient discipline. Without fearless admission of defects,few could stay sober. What do we receive from StepFive? Beginning of true kinship with man and God. Losesense of isolation, receive forgiveness and give it; learnhumility; gain honesty and realism about ourselves. Ne-cessity for complete honesty. Danger of rationalization.How to choose the person in whom to confide. Results aretranquility and consciousness of God. Oneness with Godand man prepares us for following Steps.Step Six63W ere entirely ready to have God remove all thesedefects of character.Step Six necessary to spiritual growth. The beginning of a CONTENTS7lifetime job. Recognition of difference between strivingfor objectiveand perfection. Why we must keep trying.Bei n g ready i s al l -i m portan t. Neces s i ty of taki n g acti on .Delay is dangerous. Rebellion may be fatal. Point atwhich we abandon limited objectives and move towardGod's will for us.Step Seven70Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.What is humility? What can it mean to us? The avenue totrue freedom of the human spirit. Necessary aid to sur-vival. Value of ego-puncturing. Failure and misery trans-formed by humility. Strength from weakness. Pain is theadmission price to new life. Self-centered fear chief acti-vator of defects. Step Seven is change in attitude whichpermits us to move out of ourselves toward God.Step Eight77Made a list of all persons we had harmed, andbecame willing to make amends to them all.This and the next two Steps are concerned with personalrelations. Learning to live with others is a fascinating ad-venture. Obstacles: reluctance to forgive; nonadmission ofwrongs to others; purposeful forgetting. Necessity of ex-haustive survey of past. Deepening insight results fromthoroughness. Kinds of harm done to others. Avoiding ex-treme judgments. Taking the objective view. Step Eight isthe beginning of the end of isolation.Step Nine83Made direct amends to such people whereverpossible, except when to do so would injure them orothers.A tranquil mood is the first requisite for good judgment.Good timing is important in making amends. What iscourage? Prudence means taking calculated chances.Amends begin when we join A.A. Peace of mind cannot 8CONTENTSbe bought at the expense of others. Need for discretion.Readiness to take consequences of our past and to take re-sponsibility for well-being of others is spirit of Step Nine.Step Ten88Continued to take personal inventory and when wewere wrong promptly admitted it.Can we stay sober and keep emotional balance under allconditions? Self-searching becomes a regular habit. Ad-mit, accept, and patiently correct defects. Emotional hang-over. When past is settled with, present challenges can bemet. Varieties of inventory. Anger, resentments, jealous-ly, envy, self-pity, hurt prideall led to the bottle. Self-restraint first objective. Insurance against big-shot-ism.Let's look at credits as well as debits. Examination of mo-tives.Step Eleven96Sought through prayer and meditation to improve ourconscious contact with God as we understood Him,praying only for knowledge of His will for us and thepower to carry that out.Meditation and prayer main channels to Higher Power.Connection between self-examination and meditation andprayer. An unshakable foundation for life. How shall wemeditate? Meditation has no boundaries. An individualadventure. First result is emotional balance. What aboutprayer? Daily petitions for understanding of God's willand grace to carry it out. Actual results of prayer are be-yond question. Rewards of meditation and prayer.Step Twelve106Having had a spiritual awakening as the result ofthese steps, we tried to carry this message toalcoholics, and to practice these principles in all ouraffairs.Joy of living is the theme of the Twelfth Step. Action its CONTENTS9keyword. Giving that asks no reward. Love that has noprice tag. What is spiritual awakening? A new state ofconsciousness and being is received as a free gift. Readi-ness to receive free gift lies in practice of Twelve Steps.The magnificent reality. Rewards of helping other alco-holics. Kinds of Twelfth Step work. Problems of TwelfthStep work. What about the practice of these principles inall o ur affairs? Monotony, pain and calamity turned togood use by practice of Steps. Difficulties of practice.Two-stepping. Switch to twelve-stepping and demon-strations of faith. Growing spiritually is the answer to ourproblems. Placing spiritual growth first. Domination andoverdependence. Putting our lives on give-and-take basis.Dependence upon God necessary to recovery of alco-holics. Practicing these principles in all our affairs: Do-mestic relations in A.A. Outlook upon material matterschanges. So do feelings about personal importance. In-stincts restored to true purpose. Understanding is key toright attitudes, right action key to good living.THE TWELVE TRADITIONSTradition One129Our common welfare should come first; personalrecovery depends upon A.A. unity.Without unity, A.A. dies. Individual liberty, yet great uni-ty. Key to paradox: each A.A.'s life depends on obedienceto spiritual principles. The group must survive or the indi-vidual will not. Common welfare comes first. How best tolive and work together as groups.Tradition Two132F or our group purpose there is but one ultimate 10CONTENTSauthoritya loving God as He may express Himself inour group conscience. Our leaders are but trustedservants; they do not govern.Where does A.A. get its direction? Sole authority in A.A.is loving God as He may express Himself in the groupconscience. Formation of a group. Growing pains. Rotat-ing committees are servants of the group. Leaders do notgovern, they serve. Does A.A. have a real leadership?Elder statesmen and bleeding deacons. The groupconscience speaks.Tradition Three139The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desireto stop drinking.Early intolerance based on fear. To take away any alco-holic's chance an A.A. was sometimes to pronounce hisdeath sentence. Membership regulations abandoned. Twoexamples of experience. Any alcoholic is a member ofA.A. when he says so.Tradition Four146Each group should be autonomous except in mattersaffecting other groups or A.A. as a whole.Every group manages its affairs as it pleases, except whenA.A. as a whole is threatened. Is such liberty dangerous?The group, like the individual, must eventually conformto principles that guarantee survival. Two storm signalsa group ought not do anything which would injure A.A. asa whole, nor affiliate itself with outside interests. An ex-ample: the A.A. Center that didn't work.Tradition Five150Each group has but one primary purposeto carrythe message to the alcoholic who still suffers.Better do one thing well than many badly. The life of ourFellowship depends on this principle. The ability of eachA.A. to identify himself with and bring recovery to the CONTENTS11newcomer is a gift from God . . . passing on this gift toothers is our one aim. Sobriety can't be kept unless it isgiven away.Tradition Six155An A.A. group ought never endorse, finance or lendthe A.A. name to any related facility or outsideenterprise, lest problems of money, property andprestige divert us from our primary purpose.Experience proved that we could not endorse any relatedenterprise, no matter how good. We could not be allthings to all men. We saw that we could not lend the A.A.name to any outside activity.Tradition Seven160Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting,declining outside contributions.No A.A. Tradition had the labor pains this one did. Col-lective poverty initially a matter of necessity. Fear of ex-ploitation. Necessity of separating the spiritual from thematerial. Decision to subsist on A.A. voluntary contribu-tions only. Placing the responsibility of supporting A.A.headquarters directly upon A.A. members. Bare runningexpenses plus a prudent reserve is headquarters policy.Tradition Eight166Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forevernonprofessional, but our service centers may employspecial workers.You can't mix the Twelfth Step and money. Line of cleav-age between voluntary Twelfth Step work and paid-forservices. A.A. could not function without full-time serviceworkers. Professional workers are not professional A.A.'s.Relation of A.A. to industry, education, etc. Twelfth Stepwork is never paid for, but those who labor in service forus are worthy of their hire. 12CONTENTSTradition Nine172A.A., as such, ought never be organized; but w e maycreate service boards or committees directlyresponsible to those they serve.Special service boards and committees. The General Ser-vice Conference, the board of trustees, and group commit-tees cannot issue directives to A.A. members or groups.A.A.'s can't be dictated toindividually or collectively.Absence of coercion works because unless each A.A. fol-lows suggested Steps to recovery, he signs his own deathwarrant. Same condition applies to the group. Sufferingand love are A.A.'s disciplinarians. Difference betweenspirit of authority and spirit of service. Aim of our ser-vices is to bring sobriety within reach of all who want it.Tradition Ten176Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outsideissues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn intopublic controversy.A.A. does not take sides in any public controversy. Reluc-tance to fight is not a special virtue. Survival and spreadof A.A. are our primary aims. Lessons learned fromWashingtonian movement.Tradition Eleven180Our public relations policy is based on attractionrather than promotion; we need always maintainpersonal anonymity at the level of press, radio andfilms.Public relations are important to A.A. Good public rela-tions save lives. We seek publicity for A.A. principles,not A.A. members. The press has cooperated. Personalanonymity at the public level is the cornerstone of ourpublic relations policy. Eleventh Tradition is a constantreminder that personal ambition has no place in A.A.Each member becomes an active guardian of our Fellow-ship. CONTENTS13Tradition Twelve184Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all ourtraditions, ever reminding us to place principles beforepersonalities.Spiritual substance of anonymity is sacrifice. Subordinat-ing personal aims to the common good is the essence ofall Twelve Traditions. Why A.A. could not remain a se-cret society. Principles come before personalities. Onehundred percent anonymity at the public level. Anonymi-ty is real humility.The Twelve Traditionsthe Long Form189  ForewordALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS is a worldwide fellow-ship of more than one hundred thousand* a l c o h o l ic menand women who are banded together to solve their com-mon problems and to help fellow sufferers in recovery fromthat age-old, baffling malady, alcoholism.This book deals with the Twelve Steps and theTwelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. It presentsan explicit view of the principles by which A.A. membersrecover and by which their Society functions.A.A.'s Twelve Steps are a group of principles, spiritualin their nature, which, if practiced as a way of life, can ex-pel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to becomehappily and usefully whole.A.A.'s Twelve Traditions apply to the life of the Fellow-ship itself. They outline the means by which A.A. maintainsits unity and relates itself to the world about it, the way itlives and grows.Though the essays which follow were written mainlyfor members, it is thought by many of A.A.'s friends thatthese pieces might arouse interest and find application out-side of A.A. itself.Many people, nonalcoholics, report that as a result ofthe practice of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, they have been able to*In 2003 it is estimated that over two million have recoveredthrough A.A.15 16FOREWORDmeet other difficulties of life. They think that the TwelveSteps can mean more than sobriety for problem drinkers.They see in them a way to happy and effective living formany, alcoholic or not.There is, too, a rising interest in the Twelve Traditionsof Alcoholics Anonymous. Students of human relations arebeginning to wonder how and why A.A. functions as a so-ciety. Why is it, they ask, that in A.A. no member can be setin personal authority over another, that nothing like a cen-tral government can anywhere be seen? How can a set oftraditional principles, having no legal force at all, hold theFellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous in unity and effec-tiveness? The second section of this volume, thoughdesigned for A.A.'s membership, will give such inquirers aninside view of A.A. never before possible.Alcoholics Anonymous began in 1935 in Akron, Ohio,as the outcome of a meeting between a well-known sur-geon and a New York broker. Both were severe cases ofalcoholism and were destined to become co-founders of theA.A. Fellowship.The basic principles of A.A., as they are known today,were borrowed mainly from the fields of religion andmedicine, though some ideas upon which success finallydepended were the result of noting the behavior and needsof the Fellowship itself.After three years of trial and error in selecting the mostworkable tenets upon which the Society could be based,and after a large amount of failure in getting alcoholics torecover, three successful groups emergedthe first atAkron, the second in New York, and the third at Cleveland. FOREWORD17Even then it was hard to find twoscore of sure recoveries inall three groups.Nevertheless, the infant Society determined to set downits experience in a book which finally reached the public inApril 1939. At this time the recoveries numbered about onehundred. The book was called Alcoholics Anonymousand from it the Fellowship took its name. In it alcoholismwas described from the alcoholic's view, the spiritual ideaof the Society was codified for the first time in the TwelveSteps, and the application of these Steps to the alcoholic'sdilemma was made clear. The remainder of the book wasdevoted to thirty stories or case histories in which the alco-holics described their drinking experiences and recoveries.This established identification with alcoholic readers andproved to them that the virtually impossible had becomepossible. The book Alcoholics Anonymous became thebasic text of the Fellowship, and it still is. This present vol-ume proposes to broaden and deepen the understanding ofthe Twelve Steps as first written in the earlier work.With the publication of the book Alcoholics Anony-mous in 1939, the pioneering period ended and aprodigious chain reaction set in as recovered alcoholics car-ried their message to still others. In the next yearsalcoholics flocked to A.A. by tens of thousands, largely asthe result of excellent and continuous publicity freely givenby magazines and newspapers throughout the world. Cler-gymen and doctors alike rallied to the new movement,giving it unstinted support and endorsement.This startling expansion brought with it very severegrowing pains. Proof that alcoholics could recover had 18FOREWORDbeen made. But it was by no means sure that such greatnumbers of yet erratic people could live and work togetherwith harmony and good effect.Everywhere there arose threatening questions of mem-bership, money, personal relations, public relations,management of groups, clubs, and scores of other perplexi-ties. It was out of this vast welter of explosive experiencesthat A.A.'s Twelve Traditions took form and were first pub-lished in 1946 and later confirmed at A.A.'s FirstInternational Convention held at Cleveland in 1950. TheTradition section of this volume portrays in some detail theexperience which finally produced the Twelve Traditionsand so gave A.A. its present form, substance, and unity.As A.A. now enters maturity, it has begun to reach intoforty foreign lands.* In the view of its friends, this is but thebeginning of its unique and valuable service.It is hoped that this volume will afford all who read it aclose-up view of the principles and forces which have madeAlcoholics Anonymous what it is.(A.A.'s General Service Office may be reached by writing:Alcoholics Anonymous, P.O. Box 459,Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10163, U.S.A.) *In 2003, A.A. is established in approximately 150 countries. THE TWELVE STEPS  Step OneW e admitted w e w ere pow erless over alco-holthat our lives had become unmanage-able.WHO cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one,of course. Every natural instinct cries out against the idea ofpersonal powerlessness. It is truly awful to admit that, glassin hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsessionfor destructive drinking that only an act of providence canremove it from us.No other kind of bankruptcy is like this one. Alcohol,now become the rapacious creditor, bleeds us of all self-sufficiency and all will to resist its demands. Once this starkfact is accepted, our bankruptcy as going human concernsis complete. But upon entering A.A. we soon take quite anotherview of this absolute humiliation. We perceive that onlythrough utter defeat are we able to take our first steps to-ward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personalpowerlessness finally turn out to be firm bedrock uponwhich happy and purposeful lives may be built.We know that little good can come to any alcoholicwho joins A.A. unless he has first accepted his devastatingweakness and all its consequences. Until he so humbleshimself, his sobrietyif anywill be precarious. Of realhappiness he will find none at all. Proved beyond doubt byan immense experience, this is one of the facts of A.A. life.21 22STEP ONEThe principle that we shall find no enduring strength untilwe first admit complete defeat is the main taproot fromwhich our whole Society has sprung and flowered.When first challenged to admit defeat, most of us re-volted. We had approached A.A. expecting to be taughtself-confidence. Then we had been told that so far as alco-hol is concerned, self-confidence was no good whatever; infact, it was a total liability. Our sponsors declared that wewere the victims of a mental obsession so subtly powerfulthat no amount of human willpower could break it. Therewas, they said, no such thing as the personal conquest ofthis compulsion by the unaided will. Relentlessly deepen-ing our dilemma, our sponsors pointed out our increasingsensitivity to alcoholan allergy, they called it. The tyrantalcohol wielded a double-edged sword over us: first wewere smitten by an insane urge that condemned us to go ondrinking, and then by an allergy of the body that insured wewould ultimately destroy ourselves in the process. Few in-deed were those who, so assailed, had ever won through insinglehanded combat. It was a statistical fact that alcoholicsalmost never recovered on their own resources. And thishad been true, apparently, ever since man had first crushedgrapes.In A.A.'s pioneering time, none but the most desperatecases could swallow and digest this unpalatable truth. Eventhese last-gaspers often had difficulty in realizing howhopeless they actually were. But a few did, and when theselaid hold of A.A. principles with all the fervor with whichthe drowning seize life preservers, they almost invariablygot well. That is why the first edition of the book Alco- STEP ONE23holics Anonymous, pub l i s h ed wh en our m em b ers h i p wassmall, dealt with low-bottom cases only. Many less desper-ate alcoholics tried A.A., but did not succeed because theycould not make the admission of hopelessness.It is a tremendous satisfaction to record that in the fol-lowing years this changed. Alcoholics who still had theirhealth, their families, their jobs, and even two cars in thegarage, began to recognize their alcoholism. As this trendgrew, they were joined by young people who were scarcelymore than potential alcoholics. They were spared that lastten or fifteen years of literal hell the rest of us had gonethrough. Since Step One requires an admission that ourlives have become unmanageable, how could people suchas these take this Step?It was obviously necessary to raise the bottom the restof us had hit to the point where it would hit them. By goingback in our own drinking histories, we could show thatyears before we realized it we were out of control, that ourdrinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeedthe beginning of a fatal progression. To the doubters wecould say, Perhaps you're not an alcoholic after all. Whydon't you try some more controlled drinking, bearing inmind meanwhile what we have told you aboutalcoholism? Th i s atti tude b rough t i m m edi ate an d practi calresults. It was then discovered that when one alcoholic hadplanted in the mind of another the true nature of his malady,that person could never be the same again. Following everyspree, he would say to himself, M ay b e th os e A .A .' s wereright . . . A f ter a f ew s uch ex peri en ces , of ten y ears b ef orethe onset of extreme difficulties, he would return to us con- 24STEP ONEvinced. He had hit bottom as truly as any of us. John Barl-eycorn himself had become our best advocate.Why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottomfirst? The answer is that few people will sincerely try topractice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom. Forpracticing A.A.'s remaining eleven Steps means the adop-tion of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic who isstill drinking can dream of taking. Who wishes to be rigor-ously honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess his faultsto another and make restitution for harm done? Who caresanything about a Higher Power, let alone meditation andprayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and energy in trying tocarry A.A.'s message to the next sufferer? No, the averagealcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn't care for thisprospectunless he has to do these things in order to stayalive himself.Under the lash of alcoholism, we are driven to A.A.,and there we discover the fatal nature of our situation.Then, and only then, do we become as open-minded toconviction and as willing to listen as the dying can be. Westand ready to do anything which will lift the merciless ob-session from us. Step TwoCame to believe that a P ow er greater thanourselves could restore us to sanity.THE moment they read Step Two, most A.A. newcomersare confronted with a dilemma, sometimes a serious one.How often have we heard them cry out, Look what youpeople have done to us! You have convinced us that we arealcoholics and that our lives are unmanageable. Having re-duced us to a state of absolute helplessness, you nowdeclare that none but a Higher Power can remove our ob-session. Some of us won't believe in God, others can't, andstill others who do believe that God exists have no faithwhatever He will perform this miracle. Yes, you've got usover the barrel, all rightbut where do we go from here?Let's look first at the case of the one who says he won'tbelievethe belligerent one. He is in a state of mind whichcan be described only as savage. His whole philosophy oflife, in which he so gloried, is threatened. It's bad enough,he thinks, to admit alcohol has him down for keeps. Butnow, still smarting from that admission, he is faced withsomething really impossible. How he does cherish thethought that man, risen so majestically from a single cell inthe primordial ooze, is the spearhead of evolution andtherefore the only god that his universe knows! Must he re-nounce all this to save himself?25 26STEP TWOAt this juncture, his A.A, sponsor usually laughs. This,the newcomer thinks, is just about the last straw. This is thebeginning of the end. And so it is: the beginning of the endof his old life, and the beginning of his emergence into anew one. His sponsor probably says, Take it easy. Thehoop you have to jump through is a lot wider than youthink. At least I've found it so. So did a friend of mine whowas a one-time vice-president of the American Atheist So-ciety, but he got through with room to spare.Well, says the newcomer, I know you're telling methe truth. It's no doubt a fact that A.A, is full of people whoonce believed as I do. But just how, in these circumstances,does a fellow 'take it easy'? That's what I want to know.Th at, agrees th e s pon s or, is a very good question in-deed. I think I can tell you exactly how to relax. You won'thave to work at it very hard, either. Listen, if you will, tothese three statements. First, Alcoholics Anonymous doesnot demand that you believe anything. All of its TwelveSteps are but suggestions. Second, to get sober and to staysober, you don't have to swallow all of Step Two right now.Looking back, I find that I took it piecemeal myself. Third,all you really need is a truly open mind. Just resign from thedebating society and quit bothering yourself with such deepquestions as whether it was the hen or the egg that camefirst. Again I say, all you need is the open mind.The sponsor continues, Take, for example, my owncase. I had a scientific schooling. Naturally I respected,venerated, even worshiped science. As a matter of fact, Istill doall except the worship part. Time after time, myinstructors held up to me the basic principle of all scientific STEP TWO27progress: search and research, again and again, always withthe open mind. When I first looked at A.A., my reactionwas just like yours. This A.A, business, I thought, is totallyunscientific. This I can't swallow. I simply won't considersuch nonsense.Th en I woke up. I h ad to adm i t th at A .A , s h owed re-sults, prodigious results. I saw that my attitude regardingthese had been anything but scientific. It wasn't A.A, thathad the closed mind, it was me. The minute I stopped argu-ing, I could begin to see and feel. Right there, Step Twogently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can'tsay upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believein a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that be-lief now. To acquire it, I had only to stop fighting andpractice the rest of A.A.'s program as enthusiastically as Icould.Th i s i s on l y on e m an ' s opi n i on b as ed on h i s own ex pe-rience, of course. I must quickly assure you that A.A.'stread innumerable paths in their quest for faith. If you don'tcare for the one I've suggested, you'll be sure to discoverone that suits if only you look and listen. Many a man likeyou has begun to solve the problem by the method of sub-stitution. You can, if you wish, make A.A., itself your'higher power.' Here's a very large group of people whohave solved their alcohol problem. In this respect they arecertainly a power greater than you, who have not evencome close to a solution. Surely you can have faith in them.Even this minimum of faith will be enough. You will findmany members who have crossed the threshold just thisway. All of them will tell you that, once across, their faith 28STEP TWObroadened and deepened. Relieved of the alcohol obses-sion, their lives unaccountably transformed, they came tobelieve in a Higher Power, and most of them began to talkof God.Consider next the plight of those who once had faith,but have lost it. There will be those who have drifted intoindifference, those filled with self-sufficiency who have cutthemselves off, those who have become prejudiced againstreligion, and those who are downright defiant because Godhas failed to fulfill their demands. Can A.A, experience tellall these they may still find a faith that works?Sometimes A.A, comes harder to those who have lostor rejected faith than to those who never had any faith at all,for they think they have tried faith and found it wanting.They have tried the way of faith and the way of no faith.Since both ways have proved bitterly disappointing, theyhave concluded there is no place whatever for them to go.The roadblocks of indifference, fancied self-sufficiency,prejudice, and defiance often prove more solid andformidable for these people than any erected by the uncon-vinced agnostic or even the militant atheist. Religion saysthe existence of God can be proved; the agnostic says itcan't be proved; and the atheist claims proof of the nonexis-tence of God. Obviously, the dilemma of the wandererfrom faith is that of profound confusion. He thinks himselflost to the comfort of any conviction at all. He cannot attainin even a small degree the assurance of the believer, the ag-nostic, or the atheist. He is the bewildered one.Any number of A.A.'s can say to the drifter, Yes, wewere diverted from our childhood faith, too. The overconfi- STEP TWO29dence of youth was too much for us. Of course, we wereglad that good home and religious training had given uscertain values. We were still sure that we ought to be fairlyhonest, tolerant, and just, that we ought to be ambitious andhardworking. We became convinced that such simple rulesof fair play and decency would be enough.As material success founded upon no more than theseordinary attributes began to come to us, we felt we werewinning at the game of life. This was exhilarating, and itmade us happy. Why should we be bothered with theologi-cal abstractions and religious duties, or with the state of oursouls here or hereafter? The here and now was goodenough for us. The will to win would carry us through. Butthen alcohol began to have its way with us. Finally, whenall our score cards read 'zero,' and we saw that one morestrike would put us out of the game forever, we had to lookfor our lost faith. It was in A.A, that we rediscovered it. Andso can you.Now we come to another kind of problem: the intellec-tually self-sufficient man or woman. To these, many A.A.'scan say, Yes, we were like youfar too smart for our owngood. We loved to have people call us precocious. We usedour education to blow ourselves up into prideful balloons,though we were careful to hide this from others. Secretly,we felt we could float above the rest of the folks on ourbrainpower alone. Scientific progress told us there wasnothing man couldn't do. Knowledge was all-powerful. In-tellect could conquer nature. Since we were brighter thanmost folks (so we thought), the spoils of victory would beours for the thinking. The god of intellect displaced the God 30STEP TWOof our fathers. But again John Barleycorn had other ideas.We who had won so handsomely in a walk turned into all-time losers. We saw that we had to reconsider or die. Wefound many in A.A, who once thought as we did. Theyhelped us to get down to our right size. By their examplethey showed us that humility and intellect could be compat-ible, provided we placed humility first. When we began todo that, we received the gift of faith, a faith which works.This faith is for you, too.Another crowd of A.A.'s says: We were plumb dis-gusted with religion and all its works. The Bible, we said,was full of nonsense; we could cite it chapter and verse, andwe couldn't see the Beatitudes for the 'begats.' In spots itsmorality was impossibly good; in others it seemed impossi-bly bad. But it was the morality of the religioniststhemselves that really got us down. We gloated over thehypocrisy, bigotry, and crushing self-righteousness thatclung to so many 'believers' even in their Sunday best. Howwe loved to shout the damaging fact that millions of the'good men of religion' were still killing one another off inthe name of God. This all meant, of course, that we hadsubstituted negative for positive thinking. After we came toA.A., we had to recognize that this trait had been an ego-feeding proposition. In belaboring the sins of some reli-gious people, we could feel superior to all of them.Moreover, we could avoid looking at some of our ownshortcomings. Self-righteousness, the very thing that wehad contemptuously condemned in others, was our own be-setting evil. This phony form of respectability was ourundoing, so far as faith was concerned. But finally, driven STEP TWO31to A.A., we learned better.As psychiatrists have often observed, defiance is theoutstanding characteristic of many an alcoholic. So it's notstrange that lots of us have had our day at defying GodHimself. Sometimes it's because God has not delivered usthe good things of life which we specified, as a greedy childm makes an impossible list for Santa Claus. More often,though, we had met up with some major calamity, and toour way of thinking lost out because God deserted us. Thegirl we wanted to marry had other notions; we prayed Godthat she'd change her mind, but she didn't. We prayed forhealthy children, and were presented with sick ones, ornone at all. We prayed for promotions at business, and nonecame. Loved ones, upon whom we heartily depended, weretaken from us by so-called acts of God. Then we becamedrunkards, and asked God to stop that. But nothing hap-pened. This was the unkindest cut of all. 'Damn this faithbusiness!' we said.W h en we en coun tered A .A ,, th e f al l acy of our defi-ance was revealed. At no time had we asked what God'swill was for us; instead we had been telling Him what itought to be. No man, we saw, could believe in God anddefy Him, too. Belief meant reliance, not; defiance. In A.A,we saw the fruits of this belief: men and women sparedfrom alcohol's final catastrophe. We saw them meet andtranscend their other pains and trials. We saw them calmlyaccept impossible situations, seeking neither to run nor torecriminate. This was not only faith; it was faith thatworked under all conditions. We soon concluded that what-ever price in humility we must pay, we would pay. 32STEP TWONow let's take the guy full of faith, but still reeking ofalcohol. He believes he is devout. His religious observanceis scrupulous. He's sure he still believes in God, but sus-pects that God doesn't believe in him. He takes pledges andmore pledges. Following each, he not only drinks again, butacts worse than the last time. Valiantly he tries to fight alco-hol, imploring God's help, but the help doesn't come. What,then, can be the matter?To clergymen, doctors, friends, and families, the alco-holic who means well and tries hard is a heartbreakingriddle. To most A.A.'s, he is not. There are too many of uswho have been just like him, and have found the riddle'sanswer. This answer has to do with the quality of faithrather than its quantity. This has been our blind spot. Wesupposed we had humility when really we hadn't. We sup-posed we had been serious about religious practices when,upon honest appraisal, we found we had been only superfi-cial. Or, going to the other extreme, we had wallowed inemotionalism and had mistaken it for true religious feeling.In both cases, we had been asking something for nothing.The fact was we really hadn't cleaned house so that thegrace of God could enter us and expel the obsession. In nodeep or meaningful sense had we ever taken stock of our-selves, made amends to those we had harmed, or freelygiven to any other human being without any demand for re-ward. We had not even prayed rightly. We had always said,Gran t m e m y wi s h es instead of Th y wi l l b e don e. Th elove of God and man we understood not at all. Thereforewe remained self-deceived, and so incapable of receivingenough grace to restore us to sanity. STEP TWO33Few indeed are the practicing alcoholics who have anyidea how irrational they are, or seeing their irrationality, canbear to face it. Some will be willing to term themselvesprob l em drinkers, but cannot endure the suggestion thatthey are in fact mentally ill. They are abetted in this blind-ness by a world which does not understand the differencebetween sane drinking and alcoholism. Sanity is definedas soundness of mind. Yet no alcoholic, soberly analyz-ing his destructive behavior, whether the destruction fell onthe dining-room furniture or his own moral fiber, can claimsoundness of mind for himself.Therefore, Step Two is the rallying point for all of us.Whether agnostic, atheist, or former believer, we can standtogether on this Step. True humility and an open mind canlead us to faith, and every A.A, meeting is an assurance thatGod will restore us to sanity if we rightly relate ourselves toHim. Step ThreeMade a decision to turn our w ill and ourlives over to the care of God, as we under-stood Him.PRACTICING S tep Three is like the opening of a doorwhich to all appearances is still closed and locked. All weneed is a key, and the decision to swing the door open.There is only one key, and it is called willingness. Once un-locked by willingness, the door opens almost of itself, andlooking through it, we shall see a pathway beside which isan inscription. It reads: Th i s i s th e way to a f ai th th atworks. In the first two Steps we were engaged in reflec-tion. We saw that we were powerless over alcohol, but wealso perceived that faith of some kind, if only in A.A. itself,is possible to anyone. These conclusions did not require ac-tion; they required only acceptance.Like all the remaining Steps, Step Three calls for affir-mative action, for it is only by action that we can cut awaythe self-will which has always blocked the entry of Godor, if you like, a Higher Powerinto our lives. Faith, to besure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing. We canhave faith, yet keep God out of our lives. Therefore ourproblem now becomes just how and by what specificmeans shall we be able to let Him in? Step Three representsour first attempt to do this. In fact, the effectiveness of thewhole A.A. program will rest upon how well and earnestlywe have tried to come to a decision to turn our will and34 STEP THREE35our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.To every worldly and practical-minded beginner, thisStep looks hard, even impossible. No matter how much onewishes to try, exactly how can he turn his own will and hisown life over to the care of whatever God he thinks thereis? Fortunately, we who have tried it, and with equal mis-givings, can testify that anyone, anyone at all, can begin todo it. We can further add that a beginning, even the small-est, is all that is needed. Once we have placed the key ofwillingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightlyopen, we find that we can always open it some more.Though self-will may slam it shut again, as it frequentlydoes, it will always respond the moment we again pick upthe key of willingness.Maybe this all sounds mysterious and remote, some-thing like Einstein's theory of relativity or a proposition innuclear physics. It isn't at all. Let's look at how practical itactually is. Every man and woman who has joined A.A.and intends to stick has, without realizing it, made a begin-ning on Step Three. Isn't it true that in all matters touchingupon alcohol, each of them has decided to turn his or herlife over to the care, protection, and guidance of AlcoholicsAnonymous? Already a willingness has been achieved tocast out one's own will and one's own ideas about the alco-hol problem in favor of those suggested by A.A. Anywilling newcomer feels sure A.A. is the only safe harbor forthe foundering vessel he has become. Now if this is notturning one's will and life over to a newfound Providence,then what is it?But suppose that instinct still cries out, as it certainly 36STEP THREEwill, Yes, respecting alcohol, I guess I have to be depen-dent upon A.A., but in all other matters I must still maintainmy independence. Nothing is going to turn me into anonentity. If I keep on turning my life and my will over tothe care of Something or Somebody else, what will becomeof me? I'll look like the hole in the doughnut. This, ofcourse, is the process by which instinct and logic alwaysseek to bolster egotism, and so frustrate spiritual develop-ment. The trouble is that this kind of thinking takes no realaccount of the facts. And the facts seem to be these: Themore we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power,the more independent we actually are. Therefore depen-dence, as A.A. practices it, is really a means of gaining trueindependence of the spirit.Let's examine for a moment this idea of dependence atthe level of everyday living. In this area it is startling to dis-cover how dependent we really are, and how unconsciousof that dependence. Every modern house has electric wiringcarrying power and light to its interior. We are delightedwith this dependence; our main hope is that nothing willever cut off the supply of current. By so accepting our de-pendence upon this marvel of science, we find ourselvesmore independent personally. Not only are we more inde-pendent, we are even more comfortable and secure. Powerflows just where it is needed. Silently and surely, electricity,that strange energy so few people understand, meets oursimplest daily needs, and our most desperate ones, too. Askthe polio sufferer confined to an iron lung who dependswith complete trust upon a motor to keep the breath of lifein him. STEP THREE37But the moment our mental or emotional independenceis in question, how differently we behave. How persistentlywe claim the right to decide all by ourselves just what weshall think and just how we shall act. Oh yes, we'll weighthe pros and cons of every problem. We'll listen politely tothose who would advise us, but all the decisions are to beours alone. Nobody is going to meddle with our personalindependence in such matters. Besides, we think, there isno one we can surely trust. We are certain that our intelli-gence, backed by willpower, can rightly control our innerlives and guarantee us success in the world we live in. Thisbrave philosophy, wherein each man plays God, soundsgood in the speaking, but it still has to meet the acid test:how well does it actually work? One good look in the mir-ror ought to be answer enough for any alcoholic.Should his own image in the mirror be too awful tocontemplate (and it usually is), he might first take a look atthe results normal people are getting from self-sufficiency.Everywhere he sees people filled with anger and fear, soci-ety breaking up into warring fragments. Each fragment saysto the others, We are right and you are wrong. Every suchpressure group, if it is strong enough, self-righteously im-poses its will upon the rest. And everywhere the same thingis being done on an individual basis. The sum of all thismighty effort is less peace and less brotherhood than be-fore. The philosophy of self-sufficiency is not paying off.Plainly enough, it is a bone-crushing juggernaut whose fi-nal achievement is ruin.Therefore, we who are alcoholics can consider our-selves fortunate indeed. Each of us has had his own near- 38STEP THREEfatal encounter with the juggernaut of self-will, and has suf-fered enough under its weight to be willing to look forsomething better. So it is by circumstance rather than byany virtue that we have been driven to A.A., have admitteddefeat, have acquired the rudiments of faith, and now wantto make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to aHigher Power.We realize that the word dependence is as distastefulto many psychiatrists and psychologists as it is to alco-holics. Like our professional friends, we, too, are aware thatthere are wrong forms of dependence. We have experi-enced many of them. No adult man or woman, forexample, should be in too much emotional dependenceupon a parent. They should have been weaned long before,and if they have not been, they should wake up to the fact.This very form of faulty dependence has caused many a re-bellious alcoholic to conclude that dependence of any sortmust be intolerably damaging. But dependence upon anA.A. group or upon a Higher Power hasn't produced anybaleful results.When World War II broke out, this spiritual principlehad its first major test. A.A.'s entered the services and werescattered all over the world. Would they be able to take dis-cipline, stand up under fire, and endure the monotony andmisery of war? Would the kind of dependence they hadlearned in A.A. carry them through? Well, it did. They hadeven fewer alcoholic lapses or emotional binges than A.A.'ssafe at home did. They were just as capable of enduranceand valor as any other soldiers. Whether in Alaska or on theSalerno beachhead, their dependence upon a Higher Power STEP THREE39worked. And far from being a weakness, this dependencewas their chief source of strength.So how, exactly, can the willing person continue to turnhis will and his life over to the Higher Power? He made abeginning, we have seen, when he commenced to rely uponA.A. for the solution of his alcohol problem. By now,though, the chances are that he has become convinced thathe has more problems than alcohol, and that some of theserefuse to be solved by all the sheer personal determinationand courage he can muster. They simply will not budge;they make him desperately unhappy and threaten his new-found sobriety. Our friend is still victimized by remorse andguilt when he thinks of yesterday. Bitterness still overpow-ers him when he broods upon those he still envies or hates.His financial insecurity worries him sick, and panic takesover when he thinks of all the bridges to safety that alcoholburned behind him. And how shall he ever straighten outthat awful jam that cost him the affection of his family andseparated him from them? His lone courage and unaidedwill cannot do it. Surely he must now depend upon Some-body or Something else.At first that somebody is likely to be his closest A.A.friend. He relies upon the assurance that his many troubles,now made more acute because he cannot use alcohol to killthe pain, can be solved, too. Of course the sponsor pointsout that our friend's life is still unmanageable even thoughhe is sober, that after all, only a bare start on A.A.'s programhas been made. More sobriety brought about by the admis-sion of alcoholism and by attendance at a few meetings isvery good indeed, but it is bound to be a far cry from per- 40STEP THREEmanent sobriety and a contented, useful life. That is justwhere the remaining Steps of the A.A. program come in.Nothing short of continuous action upon these as a way oflife can bring the much-desired result.Then it is explained that other Steps of the A.A. pro-gram can be practiced with success only when Step Threeis given a determined and persistent trial. This statementmay surprise newcomers who have experienced nothingbut constant deflation and a growing conviction that humanwill is of no value whatever. They have become persuaded,and rightly so, that many problems besides alcohol will notyield to a headlong assault powered by the individual alone.But now it appears that there are certain things which onlythe individual can do. A11 by himself, and in the light of hisown circumstances, he needs to develop the quality of will-ingness. When he acquires willingness, he is the only onewho can make the decision to exert himself. Trying to dothis is an act of his own will. All of the Twelve Steps re-quire sustained and personal exertion to conform to theirprinciples and so, we trust, to God's will.It is when we try to make our will conform with God'sthat we begin to use it rightly. To all of us, this was a mostwonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the mis-use of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problemswith it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement withGod's intention for us. To make this increasingly possible isthe purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opensthe door.Once we have come into agreement with these ideas, itis really easy to begin the practice of Step Three. In all STEP THREE41times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause,ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: God gran t m ethe serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage tochange the things I can, and wisdom to know the differ-ence. Thy will, not mine, be done. Step FourMade a searching and fearless moral in-ventory of ourselves.CREATION g a ve us instincts for a purpose. Withoutthem we wouldn't be complete human beings. If men andwomen didn't exert themselves to be secure in their per-sons, made no effort to harvest food or construct shelter,there would be no survival. If they didn't reproduce, theearth wouldn't be populated. If there were no social instinct,if men cared nothing for the society of one another, therewould be no society. So these desiresfor the sex relation,for material and emotional security, and for companionshipare perfectly necessary and right, and surely God-given.Yet these instincts, so necessary for our existence, oftenfar exceed their proper functions. Powerfully, blindly, manytimes subtly, they drive us, dominate us, and insist uponruling our lives. Our desires for sex, for material and emo-tional security, and for an important place in society oftentyrannize us. When thus out of joint, man's natural desirescause him great trouble, practically all the trouble there is.No human being, however good, is exempt from thesetroubles. Nearly every serious emotional problem can beseen as a case of misdirected instinct. When that happens,our great natural assets, the instincts, have turned into phys-ical and mental liabilities.Step Four is our vigorous and painstaking effort to dis-cover what these liabilities in each of us have been, and are.42 STEP FOUR43We want to find exactly how, when, and where our naturaldesires have warped us. We wish to look squarely at the un-happiness this has caused others and ourselves. Bydiscovering what our emotional deformities are, we canmove toward their correction. Without a willing and persis-tent effort to do this, there can be little sobriety orcontentment for us. Without a searching and fearless moralinventory, most of us have found that the faith which reallyworks in daily living is still out of reach.Before tackling the inventory problem in detail, let'shave a closer look at what the basic problem is. Simple ex-amples like the following take on a world of meaning whenwe think about them. Suppose a person places sex desireahead of everything else. In such a case, this imperious urgecan destroy his chances for material and emotional securityas well as his standing in the community. Another may de-velop such an obsession for financial security that he wantsto do nothing but hoard money. Going to the extreme, hecan become a miser, or even a recluse who denies himselfboth family and friends.Nor is the quest for security always expressed in termsof money. How frequently we see a frightened human be-ing determined to depend completely upon a strongerperson for guidance and protection. This weak one, failingto meet life's responsibilities with his own resources, nevergrows up. Disillusionment and helplessness are his lot. Intime all his protectors either flee or die, and he is once moreleft alone and afraid.We have also seen men and women who go power-mad, who devote themselves to attempting to rule their fel- 44STEP FOURlows. These people often throw to the winds every chancefor legitimate security and a happy family life. Whenever ahuman being becomes a battleground for the instincts, therecan be no peace.But that is not all of the danger. Every time a person im-poses his instincts unreasonably upon others, unhappinessfollows. If the pursuit of wealth tramples upon people whohappen to be in the way, then anger, jealousy, and revengeare likely to be aroused. If sex runs riot, there is a similaruproar. Demands made upon other people for too much at-tention, protection, and love can only invite domination orrevulsion in the protectors themselvestwo emotions quiteas unhealthy as the demands which evoked them. When anindividual's desire for prestige becomes uncontrollable,whether in the sewing circle or at the international confer-ence table, other people suffer and often revolt. Thiscollision of instincts can produce anything from a cold snubt to a blazing revolution. In these ways we are set in conflictnot only with ourselves, but with other people who have in-stincts, too.Alcoholics especially should be able to see that instinctrun wild in themselves is the underlying cause of their de-structive drinking. We have drunk to drown feelings of fear,frustration, and depression. We have drunk to escape theguilt of passions, and then have drunk again to make morepassions possible. We have drunk for vainglorythat wemight the more enjoy foolish dreams of pomp and power.This perverse soul-sickness is not pleasant to look upon. In-stincts on rampage balk at investigation. The minute wemake a serious attempt to probe them, we are liable to suf- STEP FOUR45fer severe reactions.If temperamentally we are on the depressive side, weare apt to be swamped with guilt and self-loathing. We wal-low in this messy bog, often getting a misshapen andpainful pleasure out of it. As we morbidly pursue thismelancholy activity, we may sink to such a point of despairthat nothing but oblivion looks possible as a solution. Here,of course, we have lost all perspective, and therefore allgenuine humility. For this is pride in reverse. This is not amoral inventory at all; it is the very process by which thedepressive has so often been led to the bottle and extinction.If, however, our natural disposition is inclined to self-righteousness or grandiosity, our reaction will be just theopposite. We will be offended at A.A.'s suggested invento-ry. No doubt we shall point with pride to the good lives wethought we led before the bottle cut us down. We shallclaim that our serious character defects, if we think we haveany at all, have been caused chiefly by excessive drinking.This being so, we think it logically follows that sobrietyfirst, last, and all the timeis the only thing we need towork for. We believe that our one-time good characters willbe revived the moment we quit alcohol. If we were prettynice people all along, except for our drinking, what need isthere for a moral inventory now that we are sober?We also clutch at another wonderful excuse for avoid-ing an inventory. Our present anxieties and troubles, we cry,are caused by the behavior of other peoplepeople whoreally n e ed a moral inventory. We firmly believe that ifonly they'd treat us better, we'd be all right. Therefore wethink our indignation is justified and reasonablethat our 46STEP FOURresentments are the right kind. We aren't the guilty ones.They are!At this stage of the inventory proceedings, our sponsorscome to the rescue. They can do this, for they are the carri-ers of A.A.'s tested experience with Step Four. Theycomfort the melancholy one by first showing him that hiscase is not strange or different, that his character defects areprobably not more numerous or worse than those of anyoneelse in A.A. This the sponsor promptly proves by talkingfreely and easily, and without exhibitionism, about his owndefects, past and present. This calm, yet realistic, stocktak-ing is immensely reassuring. The sponsor probably pointsout that the newcomer has some assets which can be notedalong with his liabilities. This tends to clear away morbidityand encourage balance. As soon as he begins to be moreobjective, the newcomer can fearlessly, rather than fearful-ly, look at his own defects.The sponsors of those who feel they need no inventoryare confronted with quite another problem. This is becausepeople who are driven by pride of self unconsciously blindthemselves to their liabilities. These newcomers scarcelyneed comforting. The problem is to help them discover achink in the walls their ego has built, through which thelight of reason can shine.First off, they can be told that the majority of A.A.members have suffered severely from self-justification dur-ing their drinking days. For most of us, self-justificationwas the maker of excuses; excuses, of course, for drinking,and for all kinds of crazy and damaging conduct. We hadmade the invention of alibis a fine art. We had to drink be- STEP FOUR47cause times were hard or times were good. We had to drinkbecause at home we were smothered with love or got noneat all. We had to drink because at work we were great suc-cesses or dismal failures. We had to drink because ournation had won a war or lost a peace. And so it went, ad in-finitum.We thought conditions drove us to drink, and whenwe tried to correct these conditions and found that wecouldn't to our entire satisfaction, our drinking went out ofhand and we became alcoholics. It never occurred to us thatwe needed to change ourselves to meet conditions, whatev-er they were.But in A.A. we slowly learned that something had to bedone about our vengeful resentments, self-pity, and unwar-ranted pride. We had to see that every time we played thebig shot, we turned people against us. We had to see thatwhen we harbored grudges and planned revenge for suchdefeats, we were really beating ourselves with the club ofanger we had intended to use on others. We learned that ifwe were seriously disturbed, our first need was to quiet thatdisturbance, regardless of who or what we thought causedit.To see how erratic emotions victimized us often took along time. We could perceive them quickly in others, butonly slowly in ourselves. First of all, we had to admit thatwe had many of these defects, even though such disclo-sures were painful and humiliating. Where other peoplewere concerned, we had to drop the word blame fromour speech and thought. This required great willingnesseven to begin. But once over the first two or three high hur- 48STEP FOURdles, the course ahead began to look easier. For we hadstarted to get perspective on ourselves, which is anotherway of saying that we were gaining in humility.Of course the depressive and the power-driver are per-sonality extremes, types with which A.A. and the wholeworld abound. Often these personalities are just as sharplydefined as the examples given. But just as often some of uswill fit more or less into both classifications. Human beingsare never quite alike, so each of us, when making an inven-tory, will need to determine what his individual characterdefects are. Having found the shoes that fit, he ought to stepinto them and walk with new confidence that he is at last onthe right track.Now let's ponder the need for a list of the more glaringpersonality defects all of us have in varying degrees. Tothose having religious training, such a list would set forthserious violations of moral principles. Some others willthink of this list as defects of character. Still others will callit an index of maladjustments. Some will become quite an-noyed if there is talk about immorality, let alone sin. But allwho are in the least reasonable will agree upon one point:that there is plenty wrong with us alcoholics about whichplenty will have to be done if we are to expect sobriety,progress, and any real ability to cope with life.To avoid falling into confusion over the names thesedefects should be called, let's take a universally recognizedlist of major human failingsthe Seven Deadly Sins ofpride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony, envy, and sloth. It is notby accident that pride heads the procession. For pride, lead-ing to self-justification, and always spurred by conscious or STEP FOUR49unconscious fears, is the basic breeder of most human diffi-culties, the chief block to true progress. Pride lures us intomaking demands upon ourselves or upon others which can-not be met without perverting or misusing our God-giveninstincts. When the satisfaction of our instincts for sex, se-curity, and society becomes the sole object of our lives,then pride steps in to justify our excesses.All these failings generate fear, a soul-sickness in itsown right. Then fear, in turn, generates more character de-fects. Unreasonable fear that our instincts will not besatisfied drives us to covet the possessions of others, to lustfor sex and power, to become angry when our instinctivedemands are threatened, to be envious when the ambitionsof others seem to be realized while ours are not. We eat,drink, and grab for more of everything than we need, fear-ing we shall never have enough. And with genuine alarm atthe prospect of work, we stay lazy. We loaf and procrasti-nate, or at best work grudgingly and under half steam.These fears are the termites that ceaselessly devour thefoundations of whatever sort of life we try to build.So when A.A. suggests a fearless moral inventory, itmust seem to every newcomer that more is being asked ofhim than he can do. Both his pride and his fear beat himback every time he tries to look within himself. Pride says,You need not pass this way, and Fear says, You dare notlook! But the testimony of A.A.'s who have really tried amoral inventory is that pride and fear of this sort turn out tobe bogeymen, nothing else. Once we have a complete will-ingness to take inventory, and exert ourselves to do the jobthoroughly, a wonderful light falls upon this foggy scene. 50STEP FOURAs we persist, a brand-new kind of confidence is born, andthe sense of relief at finally facing ourselves is indescrib-able. These are the first fruits of Step Four.By now the newcomer has probably arrived at the fol-lowing conclusions: that his character defects, representinginstincts gone astray, have been the primary cause of hisdrinking and his failure at life; that unless he is now willingto work hard at the elimination of the worst of these de-fects, both sobriety and peace of mind will still elude him;that all the faulty foundation of his life will have to be tornout and built anew on bedrock. Now willing to commencethe search for his own defects, he will ask, Just how do Igo about this? How do I take inventory of myself?Since Step Four is but the beginning of a lifetime prac-tice, it can be suggested that he first have a look at thosepersonal flaws which are acutely troublesome and fairlyobvious. Using his best judgment of what has been rightand what has been wrong, he might make a rough survey ofhis conduct with respect to his primary instincts for sex, se-curity, and society. Looking back over his life, he canreadily get under way by consideration of questions such asthese:When, and how, and in just what instances did my self-ish pursuit of the sex relation damage other people and me?What people were hurt, and how badly? Did I spoil mymarriage and injure my children? Did I jeopardize mystanding in the community? Just how did I react to thesesituations at the time? Did I burn with a guilt that nothingcould extinguish? Or did I insist that I was the pursued andnot the pursuer, and thus absolve myself? How have I re- STEP FOUR51acted to frustration in sexual matters? When denied, did Ibecome vengeful or depressed? Did I take it out on otherpeople? If there was rejection or coldness at home, did I usethis as a reason for promiscuity?Also of importance for most alcoholics are the ques-tions they must ask about their behavior respectingfinancial and emotional security. In these areas fear, greed,possessiveness, and pride have too often done their worst.Surveying his business or employment record, almost anyalcoholic can ask questions like these: In addition to mydrinking problem, what character defects contributed to myfinancial instability? Did fear and inferiority about my fit-ness for my job destroy my confidence and fill me withconflict? Did I try to cover up those feelings of inadequacyby bluffing, cheating, lying, or evading responsibility? Orby griping that others failed to recognize my truly excep-tional abilities? Did I overvalue myself and play the bigshot? Did I have such unprincipled ambition that I double-crossed and undercut my associates? Was I extravagant?Did I recklessly borrow money, caring little whether it wasrepaid or not? Was I a pinch penny, refusing to support myfamily properly? Did I cut corners financially? What aboutthe qui ck m on ey deals, the stock market, and the races?Businesswomen in A.A. will naturally find that many ofthese questions apply to them, too. But the alcoholic house-wife can also make the family financially insecure. She canjuggle charge accounts, manipulate the food budget, spendher afternoons gambling, and run her husband into debt byirresponsibility, waste, and extravagance.But all alcoholics who have drunk themselves out of 52STEP FOURjobs, family, and friends will need to cross-examine them-selves ruthlessly to determine how their own personalitydefects have thus demolished their security.The most common symptoms of emotional insecurityare worry, anger, self-pity, and depression. These stem fromcauses which sometimes seem to be within us, and at othert times to come from without. To take inventory in this re-spect we ought to consider carefully all personalrelationships which bring continuous or recurring trouble. Itshould be remembered that this kind of insecurity may arisein any area where instincts are threatened. Questioning di-rected to this end might run like this: Looking at both pastand present, what sex situations have caused me anxiety,bitterness, frustration, or depression? Appraising each situa-tion fairly, can I see where I have been at fault? Did theseperplexities beset me because of selfishness or unreason-able demands? Or, if my disturbance was seemingly causedby the behavior of others, why do I lack the ability to acceptconditions I cannot change? These are the sort of funda-mental inquiries that can disclose the source of mydiscomfort and indicate whether I may be able to alter myown conduct and so adjust myself serenely to self-disci-pline.Suppose that financial insecurity constantly arousesthese same feelings. I can ask myself to what extent havemy own mistakes fed my gnawing anxieties. And if the ac-tions of others are part of the cause, what can I do aboutthat? If I am unable to change the present state of affairs,am I willing to take the measures necessary to shape mylife to conditions as they are? Questions like these, more of STEP FOUR53which will come to mind easily in each individual case, willhelp turn up the root causes.But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends,and society at large that many of us have suffered the most.We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them.The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inabil-ity to form a true partnership with another human being.Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insistupon dominating the people we know, or we depend uponthem far too much. If we lean too heavily on people, theywill sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and can-not possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way ourinsecurity grows and festers. When we habitually try to ma-nipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, andresist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense ofpersecution, and a desire to retaliate. As we redouble our ef-forts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomesacute and constant. We have not once sought to be one in afamily, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker amongworkers, to be a useful member of society. Always we triedto struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it.This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relationwith any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we hadsmall comprehension.Some will object to many of the questions posed, be-cause they think their own character defects have not beenso glaring. To these it can be suggested that a conscientiousexamination is likely to reveal the very defects the objec-tionable questions are concerned with. Because our surfacerecord hasn't looked too bad, we have frequently been 54STEP FOURabashed to find that this is so simply because we haveburied these self same defects deep down in us under thicklayers of self-justification. Whatever the defects, they havefinally ambushed us into alcoholism and misery.Therefore, thoroughness ought to be the watchwordwhen taking inventory. In this connection, it is wise to writeout our questions and answers. It will be an aid to clearthinking and honest appraisal. It will be the first tangibleevidence of our complete willingness to move forward. Step FiveAdmitted to God, to ourselves, and to an-other human being the exact nature of ourwrongs.ALL OF A.A.'s Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to ournatural desires . . . they all deflate our egos. When it comesto ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take than Five. Butscarcely any Step is more necessary to longtime sobrietyand peace of mind than this one.A.A. experience has taught us we cannot live alonewith our pressing problems and the character defects whichcause or aggravate them. If we have swept the searchlightof Step Four back and forth over our careers, and it has re-vealed in stark relief those experiences we'd rather notremember, if we have come to know how wrong thinkingand action have hurt us and others, then the need to quit liv-ing by ourselves with those tormenting ghosts of yesterdaygets more urgent than ever. We have to talk to somebodyabout them.So intense, though, is our fear and reluctance to do this,that many A.A.'s at first try to bypass Step Five. We searchfor an easier waywhich usually consists of the generaland fairly painless admission that when drinking we weresometimes bad actors. Then, for good measure, we add dra-matic descriptions of that part of our drinking behaviorwhich our friends probably know about anyhow.But of the things which really bother and burn us, we55 56STEP FIVEsay nothing. Certain distressing or humiliating memories,we tell ourselves, ought not be shared with anyone. Thesewill remain our secret. Not a soul must ever know. We hopethey'll go to the grave with us.Yet if A.A.'s experience means anything at all, this isnot only unwise, but is actually a perilous resolve. Fewmuddled attitudes have caused us more trouble than hold-ing back on Step Five. Some people are unable to staysober at all; others will relapse periodically until they reallyclean house. Even A.A. old timers, sober for years, oftenpay dearly for skimping this Step. They will tell how theytried to carry the load alone; how much they suffered of ir-ritability, anxiety, remorse, and depression; and how,unconsciously seeking relief, they would sometimes accuseeven their best friends of the very character defects theythemselves were trying to conceal. They always discoveredthat relief never came by confessing the sins of other peo-ple. Everybody had to confess his own.This practice of admitting one's defects to another per-son is, of course, very ancient. It has been validated inevery century, and it characterizes the lives of all spirituallycentered and truly religious people. But today religion is byno means the sole advocate of this saving principle. Psychi-atrists and psychologists point out the deep need everyhuman being has for practical insight and knowledge of hisown personality flaws and for a discussion of them with anunderstanding and trustworthy person. So far as alcoholicsare concerned, A.A. would go even further. Most of uswould declare that without a fearless admission of our de-fects to another human being we could not stay sober. It STEP FIVE57seems plain that the grace of God will not enter to expel ourdestructive obsessions until we are willing to try this.What are we likely to receive from Step Five? For onething, we shall get rid of that terrible sense of isolationwe've always had. Almost without exception, alcoholics aretortured by loneliness. Even before our drinking got badand people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered thefeeling that we didn't quite belong. Either we were shy, anddared not draw near others, or we were apt to be noisy goodfellows craving attention and companionship, but nevergetting itat least to our way of thinking. There was al-ways that mysterious barrier we could neither surmount norunderstand. It was as if we were actors on a stage, suddenlyrealizing that we did not know a single line of our parts.That's one reason we loved alcohol too well. It did let us actextemporaneously. But even Bacchus boomeranged on us;we were finally struck down and left in terrified loneliness.When we reached A.A., and for the first time in ourlives stood among people who seemed to understand, thesense of belonging was tremendously exciting. We thoughtthe isolation problem had been solved. But we soon discov-ered that while we weren't alone any more in a social sense,we still suffered many of the old pangs of anxious apart-ness. Until we had talked with complete candor of ourconflicts, and had listened to someone else do the samething, we still didn't belong. Step Five was the answer. Itwas the beginning of true kinship with man and God.This vital Step was also the means by which we beganto get the feeling that we could be forgiven, no matter whatwe had thought or done. Often it was while working on this 58STEP FIVEStep with our sponsors or spiritual advisers that we first felttruly able to forgive others, no matter how deeply we feltthey had wronged us. Our moral inventory had persuadedus that all-round forgiveness was desirable, but it was onlywhen we resolutely tackled Step Five that we inwardlyknew we'd be able to receive forgiveness and give it, too.Another great dividend we may expect from confidingour defects to another human being is humilitya word of-ten misunderstood. To those who have made progress inA.A., it amounts to a clear recognition of what and who wereally are, followed by a sincere attempt to become whatwe could be. Therefore, our first practical move toward hu-mility must consist of recognizing our deficiencies. Nodefect can be corrected unless we clearly see what it is. Butwe shall have to do more than see. The objective look atourselves we achieved in Step Four was, after all, only alook. All of us saw, for example, that we lacked honestyand tolerance, that we were beset at times by attacks of self-pity or delusions of personal grandeur. But while this was ahumiliating experience, it didn't necessarily mean that wehad yet acquired much actual humility. Though now recog-nized, our defects were still there. Something had to bedone about them. And we soon found that we could notwish or will them away by ourselves.More realism and therefore more honesty about our-selves are the great gains we make under the influence ofStep Five. As we took inventory, we began to suspect howmuch trouble self-delusion had been causing us. This hadbrought a disturbing reflection. If all our lives we had moreor less fooled ourselves, how could we now be so sure that STEP FIVE59we weren't still self-deceived? How could we be certainthat we had made a true catalog of our defects and had real-ly admitted them, even to ourselves? Because we were stillbothered by fear, self-pity, and hurt feelings, it was probablewe couldn't appraise ourselves fairly at all. Too much guiltand remorse might cause us to dramatize and exaggerateour shortcomings. Or anger and hurt pride might be thesmoke screen under which we were hiding some of our de-fects while we blamed others for them. Possibly, too, wewere still handicapped by many liabilities, great and small,we never knew we had.Hence it was most evident that a solitary self-appraisal,and the admission of our defects based upon that alone,wouldn't be nearly enough. We'd have to have outside helpif we were surely to know and admit the truth about our-selvesthe help of God and another human being. Only bydiscussing ourselves, holding back nothing, only by beingwilling to take advice and accept direction could we set footon the road to straight thinking, solid honesty, and genuinehumility.Yet many of us still hung back. We said, W hy can't'God as we understand Him' tell us where we are astray? Ifthe Creator gave us our lives in the first place, then He mustknow in every detail where we have since gone wrong.Why don't we make our admissions to Him directly? Whydo we need to bring anyone else into this?At this stage, the difficulties of trying to deal rightlywith God by ourselves are twofold. Though we may at firstbe startled to realize that God knows all about us, we areapt to get used to that quite quickly. Somehow, being alone 60STEP FIVEwith God doesn't seem as embarrassing as facing up to an-other person. Until we actually sit down and talk aloudabout what we have so long hidden, our willingness toclean house is still largely theoretical. When we are honestwith another person, it confirms that we have been honestwith ourselves and with God.The second difficulty is this: what comes to us alonemay be garbled by our own rationalization and wishfulthinking. The benefit of talking to another person is that wecan get his direct comment and counsel on our situation,and there can be no doubt in our minds what that advice is.Going it alone in spiritual matters is dangerous. How manytimes have we heard well-intentioned people claim theguidance of God when it was all too plain that they weresorely mistaken. Lacking both practice and humility, theyhad deluded themselves and were able to justify the mostarrant nonsense on the ground that this was what God hadtold them. It is worth noting that people of very high spiri-tual development almost always insist on checking withfriends or spiritual advisers the guidance they feel they havereceived from God. Surely, then, a novice ought not layhimself open to the chance of making foolish, perhaps trag-ic, blunders in this fashion. While the comment or advice ofothers may be by no means infallible, it is likely to be farmore specific than any direct guidance we may receivewhile we are still so inexperienced in establishing contactwith a Power greater than ourselves.Our next problem will be to discover the person inwhom we are to confide. Here we ought to take much care,remembering that prudence is a virtue which carries a high STEP FIVE61rating. Perhaps we shall need to share with this person factsabout ourselves which no others ought to know. We shallwant to speak with someone who is experienced, who notonly has stayed dry but has been able to surmount other se-rious difficulties. Difficulties, perhaps, like our own. Thisperson may turn out to be one's sponsor, but not necessarilyso. If you have developed a high confidence in him, and histemperament and problems are close to your own, thensuch a choice will be good. Besides, your sponsor alreadyhas the advantage of knowing something about your case.Perhaps, though, your relation to him is such that youwould care to reveal only a part of your story. If this is thesituation, by all means do so, for you ought to make a be-ginning as soon as you can. It may turn out, however, thatyou'll choose someone else for the more difficult and deep-er revelations. This individual may be entirely outside ofA.A.for example, your clergyman or your doctor. Forsome of us, a complete stranger may prove the best bet.The real tests of the situation are your own willingnessto confide and your full confidence in the one with whomyou share your first accurate self-survey. Even when you'vefound the person, it frequently takes great resolution to ap-proach him or her. No one ought to say the A.A. programrequires no willpower; here is one place you may requireall you've got. Happily, though, the chances are that youwill be in for a very pleasant surprise. When your missionis carefully explained, and it is seen by the recipient of yourconfidence how helpful he can really be, the conversationwill start easily and will soon become eager. Before long,your listener may well tell a story or two about himself 62STEP FIVEwhich will place you even more at ease. Provided you holdback nothing, your sense of relief will mount from minuteto minute. The dammed-up emotions of years break out oftheir confinement, and miraculously vanish as soon as theyare exposed. As the pain subsides, a healing tranquilitytakes its place. And when humility and serenity are so com-bined, something else of great moment is apt to occur.Many an A.A., once agnostic or atheistic, tells us that it wasduring this stage of Step Five that he first actually felt thepresence of God. And even those who had faith already of-ten become conscious of God as they never were before.This feeling of being at one with God and man, thisemerging from isolation through the open and honest shar-ing of our terrible burden of guilt, brings us to a restingplace where we may prepare ourselves for the followingSteps toward a full and meaningful sobriety. Step SixWere entirely ready to have God removeall these defects of character.THIS is the Step that separates the men from the boys.So declares a well-loved clergyman who happens to be oneof A.A.'s greatest friends. He goes on to explain that anyperson capable of enough willingness and honesty to try re-peatedly Step Six on all his faultswithout anyreservations whateverhas indeed come a long way spiri-tually, and is therefore entitled to be called a man who issincerely trying to grow in the image and likeness of hisown Creator.Of course, the often disputed question of whether Godcanand will, under certain conditionsremove defectsof character will be answered with a prompt affirmative byalmost any A.A. member. To him, this proposition will beno theory at all; it will be just about the largest fact in hislife. He will usually offer his proof in a statement like this:Sure, I was beaten, absolutely licked. My ownwillpower just wouldn't work on alcohol. Change of scene,the best efforts of family, friends, doctors, and clergymengot no place with my alcoholism. I simply couldn't stopdrinking, and no human being could seem to do the job forme. But when I became willing to clean house and thenasked a Higher Power, God as I understood Him, to giveme release, my obsession to drink vanished. It was liftedright out of me.63 64STEP SIXIn A.A. meetings all over the world, statements just likethis are heard daily. It is plain for everybody to see that eachsober A.A. member has been granted a release from thisvery obstinate and potentially fatal obsession. So in a verycomplete and literal way, all A.A.'s have become entirelyready to have God remove the mania for alcohol fromtheir lives. And God has proceeded to do exactly that.Having been granted a perfect release from alcoholism,why then shouldn't we be able to achieve by the samemeans a perfect release from every other difficulty or de-fect? This is a riddle of our existence, the full answer towhich may be only in the mind of God. Nevertheless, atleast a part of the answer to it is apparent to us.When men and women pour so much alcohol intothemselves that they destroy their lives, they commit a mostunnatural act. Defying their instinctive desire for self-preservation, they seem bent upon self-destruction. Theywork against their own deepest instinct. As they are hum-bled by the terrific beating administered by alcohol, thegrace of God can enter them and expel their obsession.Here their powerful instinct to live can cooperate fully withtheir Creator's desire to give them new life. For nature andGod alike abhor suicide.But most of our other difficulties don't fall under such acategory at all. Every normal person wants, for example, toeat, to reproduce, to be somebody in the society of his fel-lows. And he wishes to be reasonably safe and secure as hetries to attain these things. Indeed, God made him that way.He did not design man to destroy himself by alcohol, butHe did give man instincts to help him to stay alive. STEP SIX65It is nowhere evident, at least in this life, that our Cre-ator expects us fully to eliminate our instinctual drives. Sofar as we know, it is nowhere on the record that God hascompletely removed from any human being all his naturaldrives.Since most of us are born with an abundance of naturaldesires, it isn't strange that we often let these far exceedtheir intended purpose. When they drive us blindly, or wewillfully demand that they supply us with more satisfac-tions or pleasures than are possible or due us, that is thepoint at which we depart from the degree of perfection thatGod wishes for us here on earth. That is the measure of ourcharacter defects, or, if you wish, of our sins.If we ask, God will certainly forgive our derelictions.But in no case does He render us white as snow and keepus that way without our cooperation. That is something weare supposed to be willing to work toward ourselves. Heasks only that we try as best we know how to makeprogress in the building of character.So Step SixWere entirely ready to have God removeall these defects of characteris A.A.'s way of stating thebest possible attitude one can take in order to make a begin-ning on this lifetime job. This does not mean that we expectall our character defects to be lifted out of us as the drive todrink was. A few of them may be, but with most of themwe shall have to be content with patient improvement. Thekey words entirely ready un derl i n e th e f act th at we wan tto aim at the very best we know or can learn.How many of us have this degree of readiness? In anabsolute sense practically nobody has it. The best we can 66STEP SIXdo, with all the honesty that we can summon, is to try tohave it. Even then the best of us will discover to our dismaythat there is always a sticking point, a point at which wesay, No, I can ' t gi v e th i s up y et. A n d we s h al l of ten treadon even more dangerous ground when we cry, Th i s I wi l lnever give up! Such i s th e power of our i n s ti n cts to ov er-reach themselves. No matter how far we have progressed,desires will always be found which oppose the grace ofGod.Some who feel they have done well may dispute this,so let's try to think it through a little further. Practically ev-ery body wishes to be rid of his most glaring anddestructive handicaps. No one wants to be so proud that heis scorned as a braggart, nor so greedy that he is labeled athief. No one wants to be angry enough to murder, lustfulenough to rape, gluttonous enough to ruin his health. Noone wants to be agonized by the chronic pain of envy or tobe paralyzed by sloth. Of course, most human beings don'tsuffer these defects at these rock-bottom levels.We who have escaped these extremes are apt to con-gratulate ourselves. Yet can we? After all, hasn't it been self-interest, pure and simple, that has enabled most of us to es-cape? Not much spiritual effort is involved in avoidingexcesses which will bring us punishment anyway. Butwhen we face up to the less violent aspects of these verysame defects, then where do we stand?What we must recognize now is that we exult in someof our defects. We really love them. Who, for example,doesn't like to feel just a little superior to the next fellow, oreven quite a lot superior? Isn't it true that we like to let STEP SIX67greed masquerade as ambition? To think of liking l u s tseems impossible. But how many men and women speaklove with their lips, and believe what they say, so that theycan hide lust in a dark corner of their minds? And evenwhile staying within conventional bounds, many peoplehave to admit that their imaginary sex excursions are apt tobe all dressed up as dreams of romance.Self-righteous anger also can be very enjoyable. In aperverse way we can actually take satisfaction from the factthat many people annoy us, for it brings a comfortable feel-ing of superiority. Gossip barbed with our anger, a politeform of murder by character assassination, has its satisfac-tions for us, too. Here we are not trying to help those wecriticize; we are trying to proclaim our own righteousness. When gluttony is less than ruinous, we have a milderword for that, too; we call it taking our comfort. We livein a world riddled with envy. To a greater or less degree,everybody is infected with it. From this defect we mustsurely get a warped yet definite satisfaction. Else whywould we consume such great amounts of time wishing forwhat we have not, rather than working for it, or angrilylooking for attributes we shall never have, instead of adjust-ing to the fact, and accepting it? And how often we workhard with no better motive than to be secure and slothfullater ononly we call that retiring. Consider, too, our tal-ents for procrastination, which is really sloth in fivesyllables. Nearly anyone could submit a good list of suchdefects as these, and few of us would seriously think of giv-ing them up, at least until they cause us excessive misery.Some people, of course, may conclude that they are in- 68STEP SIXdeed ready to have all such defects taken from them. Buteven these people, if they construct a list of still milder de-fects, will be obliged to admit that they prefer to hang on tosome of them. Therefore, it seems plain that few of us canquickly or easily become ready to aim at spiritual andmoral perfection; we want to settle for only as much perfec-tion as will get us by in life, according, of course, to ourvarious and sundry ideas of what will get us by. So the dif-ference between the boys and the men is the differencebetween striving for a self-determined objective and for theperfect objective which is of God.Many will at once ask, How can we accept the entireimplication of Step Six? Whythat is perfection! Thissounds like a hard question, but practically speaking, it isn't.Only Step One, where we made the 100 percent admissionwe were powerless over alcohol, can be practiced with ab-solute perfection. The remaining eleven Steps state perfectideals. They are goals toward which we look, and the mea-suring sticks by which we estimate our progress. Seen inthis light, Step Six is still difficult, but not at all impossible.The only urgent thing is that we make a beginning, andkeep trying.If we would gain any real advantage in the use of thisStep on problems other than alcohol, we shall need to makea brand new venture into open-mindedness. We shall needto raise our eyes toward perfection, and be ready to walk inthat direction. It will seldom matter how haltingly we walk.The only question will be A re we ready ?Looking again at those defects we are still unwilling togive up, we ought to erase the hard-and-fast lines that we STEP SIX69have drawn. Perhaps we shall be obliged in some cases stillto say, Th i s I can n ot gi v e up y et . . . , but we should notsay to ourselves, This I will never give up!Let's dispose of what appears to be a hazardous openend we have left. It is suggested that we ought to becomeentirely willing to aim toward perfection. We note thatsome delay, however, might be pardoned. That word, in themind of a rationalizing alcoholic, could certainly be given alongterm meaning. He could say, How v ery eas y ! Sure, I' l lhead toward perfection, but I'm certainly not going to hurryany. Maybe I can postpone dealing with some of my prob-lems indefinitely. Of cours e, th i s won ' t do. Such a b l uf f i n gof oneself will have to go the way of many another pleasantrationalization. At the very least, we shall have to come togrips with some of our worst character defects and take ac-tion toward their removal as quickly as we can.The moment we say, No, never! our minds closeagainst the grace of God. Delay is dangerous, and rebellionmay be fatal. This is the exact point at which we abandonlimited objectives, and move toward God's will for us. Step SevenHumbly asked Him to remove our short-comings.SINCE this Step so specifically concerns itself with hu-mility, we should pause here to consider what humility isand what the practice of it can mean to us.Indeed, the attainment of greater humility is the founda-tion principle of each of A.A.'s Twelve Steps. For withoutsome degree of humility, no alcoholic can stay sober at all.Nearly all A.A.'s have found, too, that unless they developmuch more of this precious quality than may be requiredjust for sobriety, they still haven't much chance of becom-ing truly happy. Without it, they cannot live to much usefulpurpose, or, in adversity, be able to summon the faith thatcan meet any emergency.Humility, as a word and as an ideal, has a very bad timeof it in our world. Not only is the idea misunderstood; theword itself is often intensely disliked. Many people haven'teven a nodding acquaintance with humility as a way of life.Much of the everyday talk we hear, and a great deal of whatwe read, highlights man's pride in his own achievements. With great intelligence, men of science have been forc-ing nature to disclose her secrets. The immense resourcesnow being harnessed promise such a quantity of materialblessings that many have come to believe that a man-mademillennium lies just ahead. Poverty will disappear, andthere will be such abundance that everybody can have allthe security and personal satisfactions he desires. The theo-70 STEP SEVEN71ry seems to be that once everybody's primary instincts aresatisfied, there won't be much left to quarrel about. Theworld will then turn happy and be free to concentrate onculture and character. Solely by their own intelligence andlabor, men will have shaped their own destiny.Certainly no alcoholic, and surely no member of A.A.,wants to deprecate material achievement. Nor do we enterinto debate with the many who still so passionately cling tothe belief that to satisfy our basic natural desires is the mainobject of life. But we are sure that no class of people in theworld ever made a worse mess of trying to live by this for-mula than alcoholics. For thousands of years we have beendemanding more than our share of security, prestige, andromance. When we seemed to be succeeding, we drank todream still greater dreams. When we were frustrated, evenin part, we drank for oblivion. Never was there enough ofwhat we thought we wanted.In all these strivings, so many of them well-intentioned,our crippling handicap had been our lack of humility. Wehad lacked the perspective to see that character-buildingand spiritual values had to come first, and that material sat-isfactions were not the purpose of living. Quitecharacteristically, we had gone all out in confusing the endswith the means. Instead of regarding the satisfaction of ourmaterial desires as the means by which we could live andfunction as human beings, we had taken these satisfactionsto be the final end and aim of life.True, most of us thought good character was desirable,but obviously good character was something one needed toget on with the business of being self-satisfied. With a 72STEP SEVENproper display of honesty and morality, we'd stand a betterchance of getting what we really wanted. But whenever wehad to choose between character and comfort, the charac-ter-building was lost in the dust of our chase after what wethought was happiness. Seldom did we look at character-building as something desirable in itself, something wewould like to strive for whether our instinctual needs weremet or not. We never thought of making honesty, tolerance,and true love of man and God the daily basis of living.This lack of anchorage to any permanent values, thisblindness to the true purpose of our lives, produced anotherbad result. For just so long as we were convinced that wecould live exclusively by our own individual strength andintelligence, for just that long was a working faith in aHigher Power impossible. This was true even when we be-lieved that God existed. We could actually have earnestreligious beliefs which remained barren because we werestill trying to play God ourselves. As long as we placedself-reliance first, a genuine reliance upon a Higher Powerwas out of the question. That basic ingredient of all humili-ty, a desire to seek and do God's will, was missing.For us, the process of gaining a new perspective wasunbelievably painful. It was only by repeated humiliationsthat we were forced to learn something about humility. Itwas only at the end of a long road, marked by successivedefeats and humiliations, and the final crushing of our self-sufficiency, that we began to feel humility as somethingmore than a condition of groveling despair. Every newcom-er in Alcoholics Anonymous is told, and soon realizes forhimself, that his humble admission of powerlessness over STEP SEVEN73alcohol is his first step toward liberation from its paralyzinggrip.So it is that we first see humility as a necessity. But thisis the barest beginning. To get completely away from ouraversion to the idea of being humble, to gain a vision of hu-mility as the avenue to true freedom of the human spirit, tobe willing to work for humility as something to be desiredfor itself, takes most of us a long, long time. A whole life-time geared to self-centeredness cannot be set in reverse allat once. Rebellion dogs our every step at first.When we have finally admitted without reservation thatwe are powerless over alcohol, we are apt to breathe a greatsigh of relief, saying, Well, thank God that's over! I'll nev-er have to go through that again! Th en we l earn , of ten toour consternation, that this is only the first milestone on thenew road we are walking. Still goaded by sheer necessity,we reluctantly come to grips with those serious characterflaws that made problem drinkers of us in the first place,flaws which must be dealt with to prevent a retreat into al-coholism once again. We will want to be rid of some ofthese defects, but in some instances this will appear to be animpossible job from which we recoil. And we cling with apassionate persistence to others which are just as disturbingto our equilibrium, because we still enjoy them too much.How can we possibly summon the resolution and the will-ingness to get rid of such overwhelming compulsions anddesires?But again we are driven on by the inescapable conclu-sion which we draw from A.A. experience, that we surelymust try with a will, or else fall by the wayside. At this 74STEP SEVENstage of our progress we are under heavy pressure and co-ercion to do the right thing. We are obliged to choosebetween the pains of trying and the certain penalties of fail-ing to do so. These initial steps along the road are takengrudgingly, yet we do take them. We may still have no veryhigh opinion of humility as a desirable personal virtue, butwe do recognize it as a necessary aid to our survival.But when we have taken a square look at some of thesedefects, have discussed them with another, and have be-come willing to have them removed, our thinking abouthumility commences to have a wider meaning. By this timein all probability we have gained some measure of releasefrom our more devastating handicaps. We enjoy momentsin which there is something like real peace of mind. Tothose of us who have hitherto known only excitement, de-pression, or anxietyin other words, to all of usthisnewfound peace is a priceless gift. Something new indeedhas been added. Where humility had formerly stood for aforced feeding on humble pie, it now begins to mean thenourishing ingredient which can give us serenity.This improved perception of humility starts anotherrevolutionary change in our outlook. Our eyes begin toopen to the immense values which have come straight outof painful ego-puncturing. Until now, our lives have beenlargely devoted to running from pain and problems. Wefled from them as from a plague. We never wanted to dealwith the fact of suffering. Escape via the bottle was alwaysour solution. Character-building through suffering might beall right for saints, but it certainly didn't appeal to us.Then, in A.A., we looked and listened. Everywhere we STEP SEVEN75saw failure and misery transformed by humility into price-less assets. We heard story after story of how humility hadbrought strength out of weakness. In every case, pain hadbeen the price of admission into a new life. But this admis-sion price had purchased more than we expected. It broughta measure of humility, which we soon discovered to be ahealer of pain. We began to fear pain less, and desire humil-ity more than ever.During this process of learning more about humility, themost profound result of all was the change in our attitudetoward God. And this was true whether we had been be-lievers or unbelievers. We began to get over the idea thatthe Higher Power was a sort of bush-league pinch hitter, tobe called upon only in an emergency. The notion that wewould still live our own lives, God helping a little now andthen, began to evaporate. Many of us who had thought our-selves religious awoke to the limitations of this attitude.Refusing to place God first, we had deprived ourselves ofHis help. But now the words Of m y s el f I am n oth i n g, th eFather doeth the works began to carry bright promise andmeaning.We saw we needn't always be bludgeoned and beateninto humility. It could come quite as much from our volun-tary reaching for it as it could from unremitting suffering. Agreat turning point in our lives came when we sought forhumility as something we really wanted, rather than assomething we must h a v e. It marked the time when wecould commence to see the full implication of Step Seven:Hum b l y as ked Hi m to rem ov e our s h ortcom i n gs .As we approach the actual taking of Step Seven, it 76STEP SEVENmight be well if we A.A.'s inquire once more just what ourdeeper objectives are. Each of us would like to live at peacewith himself and with his fellows. We would like to be as-sured that the grace of God can do for us what we cannotdo for ourselves. We have seen that character defects basedupon shortsighted or unworthy desires are the obstacles thatblock our path toward these objectives. We now clearly seethat we have been making unreasonable demands uponourselves, upon others, and upon God.The chief activator of our defects has been self-centeredfearprimarily fear that we would lose something we al-ready possessed or would fail to get something wedemanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, wewere in a state of continual disturbance and frustration.Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find ameans of reducing these demands. The difference betweena demand and a simple request is plain to anyone.The Seventh Step is where we make the change in ourattitude which permits us, with humility as our guide, tomove out from ourselves toward others and toward God.The whole emphasis of Step Seven is on humility. It is real-ly saying to us that we now ought to be willing to tryhumility in seeking the removal of our other shortcomingsjust as we did when we admitted that we were powerlessover alcohol, and came to believe that a Power greater thanourselves could restore us to sanity. If that degree of humili-ty could enable us to find the grace by which such a deadlyobsession could be banished, then there must be hope of thesame result respecting any other problem we could possiblyhave. Step EightMade a list of all persons we had harmed,and became willing to make amends to themall.STEPS Eight and Nine are concerned with personal rela-tions. First, we take a look backward and try to discoverwhere we have been at fault; next we make a vigorous at-tempt to repair the damage we have done; and third, havingthus cleaned away the debris of the past, we consider how,with our newfound knowledge of ourselves, we may devel-op the best possible relations with every human being weknow.This is a very large order. It is a task which we may per-form with increasing skill, but never really finish. Learninghow to live in the greatest peace, partnership, and brother-hood with all men and women, of whatever description, is amoving and fascinating adventure. Every A.A. has foundthat he can make little headway in this new adventure ofliving until he first backtracks and really makes an accurateand unsparing survey of the human wreckage he has left inhis wake. To a degree, he has already done this when takingmoral inventory, but now the time has come when he oughtto redouble his efforts to see how many people he has hurt,and in what ways. This reopening of emotional wounds,some old, some perhaps forgotten, and some still painfullyfestering, will at first look like a purposeless and pointlesspiece of surgery. But if a willing start is made, then the77 78STEP EIGHTgreat advantages of doing this will so quickly reveal them-selves that the pain will be lessened as one obstacle afteranother melts away.These obstacles, however, are very real. The first, andone of the most difficult, has to do with forgiveness. Themoment we ponder a twisted or broken relationship withanother person, our emotions go on the defensive. To es-cape looking at the wrongs we have done another, weresentfully focus on the wrong he has done us. This is espe-cially true if he has, in fact, behaved badly at all.Triumphantly we seize upon his misbehavior as the perfectexcuse for minimizing or forgetting our own.Right here we need to fetch ourselves up sharply. Itdoesn't make much sense when a real toss pot calls a kettleblack. Let's remember that alcoholics are not the only onesbedeviled by sick emotions. Moreover, it is usually a factthat our behavior when drinking has aggravated the defectsof others. We've repeatedly strained the patience of our bestfriends to a snapping point, and have brought out the veryworst in those who didn't think much of us to begin with. Inmany instances we are really dealing with fellow sufferers,people whose woes we have increased. If we are now aboutto ask forgiveness for ourselves, why shouldn't we start outby forgiving them, one and all?When listing the people we have harmed, most of us hitanother solid obstacle. We got a pretty severe shock whenwe realized that we were preparing to make a face-to-faceadmission of our wretched conduct to those we had hurt. Ithad been embarrassing enough when in confidence we hadadmitted these things to God, to ourselves, and to another STEP EIGHT79human being. But the prospect of actually visiting or evenwriting the people concerned now overwhelmed us, espe-cially when we remembered in what poor favor we stoodwith most of them. There were cases, too, where we haddamaged others who were still happily unaware of beinghurt. Why, we cried, shouldn't bygones be bygones? Whydo we have to think of these people at all? These weresome of the ways in which fear conspired with pride to hin-der our making a list of all the people we had harmed.Some of us, though, tripped over a very different snag.We clung to the claim that when drinking we never hurtanybody but ourselves. Our families didn't suffer, becausewe always paid the bills and seldom drank at home. Ourbusiness associates didn't suffer, because we were usuallyon the job. Our reputations hadn't suffered, because wewere certain few knew of our drinking. Those who didwould sometimes assure us that, after all, a lively benderwas only a good man's fault. What real harm, therefore, hadwe done? No more, surely, than we could easily mend witha few casual apologies.This attitude, of course, is the end result of purposefulforgetting. It is an attitude which can only be changed by adeep and honest search of our motives and actions.Though in some cases we cannot make restitution at all,and in some cases action ought to be deferred, we shouldnevertheless make an accurate and really exhaustive surveyof our past life as it has affected other people. In many in-stances we shall find that though the harm done others hasnot been great, the emotional harm we have done ourselveshas. Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emo- 80STEP EIGHTtional conflicts persist below the level of consciousness. Atthe time of these occurrences, they may actually have givenour emotions violent twists which have since discolored ourpersonalities and altered our lives for the worse.While the purpose of making restitution to others isparamount, it is equally necessary that we extricate from anexamination of our personal relations every bit of informa-tion about ourselves and our fundamental difficulties thatwe can. Since defective relations with other human beingshave nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes,including our alcoholism, no field of investigation couldyield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one.Calm, thoughtful reflection upon personal relations candeepen our insight. We can go far beyond those thingswhich were superficially wrong with us, to see those flawswhich were basic, flaws which sometimes were responsiblefor the whole pattern of our lives. Thoroughness, we havefound, will payand pay handsomely.We might next ask ourselves what we mean when wesay that we have harmed other people. What kinds ofharm do people do one another, anyway? To define theword harm in a practical way, we might call it the resultof instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emo-tional, or spiritual damage to people. If our tempers areconsistently bad, we arouse anger in others. If we lie orcheat, we deprive others not only of their worldly goods,but of their emotional security and peace of mind. We real-ly issue them an invitation to become contemptuous andvengeful. If our sex conduct is selfish, we may excite jeal-ousy, misery, and a strong desire to retaliate in kind. STEP EIGHT81Such gross misbehavior is not by any means a full cata-logue of the harms we do. Let us think of some of thesubtler ones which can sometimes be quite as damaging.Suppose that in our family lives we happen to be miserly,irresponsible, callous, or cold. Suppose that we are irritable,critical, impatient, and humorless. Suppose we lavish atten-tion upon one member of the family and neglect the others.What happens when we try to dominate the whole family,either by a rule of iron or by a constant outpouring ofminute directions for just how their lives should be livedfrom hour to hour? What happens when we wallow in de-pression, self-pity oozing from every pore, and inflict thatupon those about us? Such a roster of harms done othersthe kind that make daily living with us as practicing alco-holics difficult and often unbearable could be extendedalmost indefinitely. When we take such personality traits asthese into shop, office, and the society of our fellows, theycan do damage almost as extensive as that we have causedat home.Having carefully surveyed this whole area of human re-lations, and having decided exactly what personality traitsin us injured and disturbed others, we can now commenceto ransack memory for the people to whom we have givenoffense. To put a finger on the nearby and most deeplydamaged ones shouldn't be hard to do. Then, as year byyear we walk back through our lives as far as memory willreach, we shall be bound to construct a long list of peoplewho have, to some extent or other, been affected. Weshould, of course, ponder and weigh each instance careful-ly. We shall want to hold ourselves to the course of 82STEP EIGHTadmitting the things we h a ve done, meanwhile forgivingthe wrongs done us, real or fancied. We should avoid ex-treme judgments, both of ourselves and of others involved.We must not exaggerate our defects or theirs. A quiet, ob-jective view will be our steadfast aim.Whenever our pencil falters, we can fortify and cheerourselves by remembering what A.A. experience in thisStep has meant to others. It is the beginning of the end ofisolation from our fellows and from God. Step NineMade direct amends to such people wher-ever possible, except when to do so wouldinjure them or others.GOOD judgment, a careful sense of timing, courage, andprudencethese are the qualities we shall need when wetake Step Nine.After we have made the list of people we have harmed,have reflected carefully upon each instance, and have triedto possess ourselves of the right attitude in which to pro-ceed, we will see that the making of direct amends dividesthose we should approach into several classes. There willbe those who ought to be dealt with just as soon as we be-come reasonably confident that we can maintain oursobriety. There will be those to whom we can make onlypartial restitution, lest complete disclosures do them or oth-ers more harm than good. There will be other cases whereaction ought to be deferred, and still others in which by thevery nature of the situation we shall never be able to makedirect personal contact at all.Most of us begin making certain kinds of direct amendsfrom the day we join Alcoholics Anonymous. The momentwe tell our families that we are really going to try the pro-gram, the process has begun. In this area there are seldomany questions of timing or caution. We want to come in thedoor shouting the good news. After coming from our firstmeeting, or perhaps after we have finished reading the book83 84STEP NINEAlcoholics Anonymous, we usually want to sit downwith some member of the family and readily admit thedamage we have done by our drinking. Almost always wewant to go further and admit other defects that have madeus hard to live with. This will be a very different occasion,and in sharp contrast with those hangover mornings whenwe alternated between reviling ourselves and blaming thefamily (and everyone else) for our troubles. At this first sit-ting, it is necessary only that we make a general admissionof our defects. It may be unwise at this stage to rehash cer-tain harrowing episodes. Good judgment will suggest thatwe ought to take our time. While we may be quite willingto reveal the very worst, we must be sure to remember thatwe cannot buy our own peace of mind at the expense ofothers.Much the same approach will apply at the office or fac-tory. We shall at once think of a few people who know allabout our drinking, and who have been most affected by it.But even in these cases, we may need to use a little morediscretion than we did with the family. We may not want tosay anything for several weeks, or longer. First we willwish to be reasonably certain that we are on the A.A. beam.Then we are ready to go to these people, to tell them whatA.A. is, and what we are trying to do. Against this back-ground we can freely admit the damage we have done andmake our apologies. We can pay, or promise to pay, what-ever obligations, financial or otherwise, we owe. Thegenerous response of most people to such quiet sinceritywill often astonish us. Even our severest and most justifiedcritics will frequently meet us more than halfway on the STEP NINE85first trial.This atmosphere of approval and praise is apt to be soexhilarating as to put us off balance by creating an insa-tiable appetite for more of the same. Or we may be tippedover in the other direction when, in rare cases, we get a cooland skeptical reception. This will tempt us to argue, or topress our point insistently. Or maybe it will tempt us to dis-couragement and pessimism. But if we have preparedourselves well in advance, such reactions will not deflect usfrom our steady and even purpose.After taking this preliminary trial at making amends,we may enjoy such a sense of relief that we conclude ourtask is finished. We will want to rest on our laurels. Thetemptation to skip the more humiliating and dreaded meet-ings that still remain may be great. We will oftenmanufacture plausible excuses for dodging these issues en-tirely. Or we may just procrastinate, telling ourselves thetime is not yet, when in reality we have already passed upmany a fine chance to right a serious wrong. Let's not talkprudence while practicing evasion.As soon as we begin to feel confident in our new wayof life and have begun, by our behavior and example, toconvince those about us that we are indeed changing for thebetter, it is usually safe to talk in complete frankness withthose who have been seriously affected, even those whomay be only a little or not at all aware of what we havedone to them. The only exceptions we will make will becases where our disclosure would cause actual harm. Theseconversations can begin in a casual or natural way. But ifno such opportunity presents itself, at some point we will 86STEP NINEwant to summon all our courage, head straight for the per-son concerned, and lay our cards on the table. We needn'twallow in excessive remorse before those we have harmed,but amends at this level should always be forthright andgenerous.There can only be one consideration which shouldqualify our desire for a complete disclosure of the damagewe have done. That will arise in the occasional situationwhere to make a full revelation would seriously harm theone to whom we are making amends. Orquite as impor-tantother people. We cannot, for example, unload adetailed account of extramarital adventuring upon theshoulders of our unsuspecting wife or husband. And evenin those cases where such a matter must be discussed, let'stry to avoid harming third parties, whoever they may be. Itdoes not lighten our burden when we recklessly make thecrosses of others heavier.Many a razor-edged question can arise in other depart-ments of life where this same principle is involved.Suppose, for instance, that we have drunk up a good chunkof our firm's money, whether by borrowing or on a h eavi-ly padded expense account. Suppose that this may continueto go undetected, if we say nothing. Do we instantly con-fess our irregularities to the firm, in the practical certaintythat we will be fired and become unemployable? Are wegoing to be so rigidly righteous about making amends thatwe don't care what happens to the family and home? Or dowe first consult those who are to be gravely affected? Dowe lay the matter before our sponsor or spiritual adviser,earnestly asking God's help and guidancemeanwhile re- STEP NINE87solving to do the right thing when it becomes clear, costwhat it may? Of course, there is no pat answer which can fitall such dilemmas. But all of them do require a completewillingness to make amends as fast and as far as may bepossible in a given set of conditions.Above all, we should try to be absolutely sure that weare not delaying because we are afraid. For the readiness totake the full consequences of our past acts, and to take re-sponsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, isthe very spirit of Step Nine. Step TenContinued to take personal inventory andwhen we were wrong promptly admitted it.AS we work the first nine Steps, we prepare ourselves forthe adventure of a new life. But when we approach StepTen we commence to put our A.A. way of living to practi-cal use, day by day, in fair weather or foul. Then comes theacid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, andlive to good purpose under all conditions?A continuous look at our assets and liabilities, and a realdesire to learn and grow by this means, are necessities forus. We alcoholics have learned this the hard way. More ex-perienced people, of course, in all times and places havepracticed unsparing self-survey and criticism. For the wisehave always known that no one can make much of his lifeuntil self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is ableto admit and accept what he finds, and until he patientlyand persistently tries to correct what is wrong.When a drunk has a terrific hangover because he drankheavily yesterday, he cannot live well today. But there isanother kind of hangover which we all experience whetherwe are drinking or not. That is the emotional hangover, thedirect result of yesterday's and sometimes today's excessesof negative emotionanger, fear, jealousy, and the like. Ifwe would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainlyneed to eliminate these hangovers. This doesn't mean we88 STEP TEN89need to wander morbidly around in the past. It requires anadmission and correction of errors now. Our inventory en-ables us to settle with the past. When this is done, we arereally able to leave it behind us. When our inventory iscarefully taken, and we have made peace with ourselves,the conviction follows that tomorrow's challenges can bemet as they come.Although all inventories are alike in principle, the timefactor does distinguish one from another. There's the spot-check inventory, taken at any time of the day, whenever wefind ourselves getting tangled up. There's the one we take atday's end, when we review the happenings of the hours justpast. Here we cast up a balance sheet, crediting ourselveswith things well done, and chalking up debits where due.Then there are those occasions when alone, or in the com-pany of our sponsor or spiritual adviser, we make a carefulreview of our progress since the last time. Many A.A.'s goin for annual or semiannual housecleanings. Many of usalso like the experience of an occasional retreat from theoutside world where we can quiet down for an undisturbedday or so of self-overhaul and meditation.Aren't these practices joy-killers as well as time-con-sumers? Must A.A.'s spend most of their waking hoursdrearily rehashing their sins of omission or commission?Well, hardly. The emphasis on inventory is heavy only be-cause a great many of us have never really acquired thehabit of accurate self-appraisal. Once this healthy practicehas become grooved, it will be so interesting and profitablethat the time it takes won't be missed. For these minutesand sometimes hours spent in self-examination are bound 90STEP TENto make all the other hours of our day better and happier.And at length our inventories become a regular part of ev-eryday living, rather than something unusual or set apart.Before we ask what a spot-check inventory is, let's lookat the kind of setting in which such an inventory can do itswork.It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed,no matter what the cause, there is something wrong withus. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in thewrong also. But are there no exceptions to this rule? Whatabout justifiable anger? If somebody cheats us, aren't weentitled to be mad? Can't we be properly angry with self-righteous folk? For us of A.A. these are dangerous excep-tions. We have found that justified anger ought to be left tothose better qualified to handle it.Few people have been more victimized by resentmentsthan have we alcoholics. It mattered little whether our re-sentments were justified or not. A burst of temper couldspoil a day, and a well-nursed grudge could make us miser-ably ineffective. Nor were we ever skillful in separatingjustified from unjustified anger. As we saw it, our wrathwas always justified. Anger, that occasional luxury of morebalanced people, could keep us on an emotional jag indefi-nitely. These emotional dry benders often led straight tothe bottle. Other kinds of disturbancesjealousy, envy,self-pity, or hurt pridedid the same thing.A spot-check inventory taken in the midst of such dis-turbances can be of very great help in quieting stormyemotions. Today's spot check finds its chief application tosituations which arise in each day's march. The considera- STEP TEN91tion of long-standing difficulties had better be postponed,when possible, to times deliberately set aside for that pur-pose. The quick inventory is aimed at our daily ups anddowns, especially those where people or new events throwus off balance and tempt us to make mistakes.In all these situations we need self-restraint, honestanalysis of what is involved, a willingness to admit whenthe fault is ours, and an equal willingness to forgive whenthe fault is elsewhere. We need not be discouraged whenwe fall into the error of our old ways, for these disciplinesare not easy. We shall look for progress, not for perfection.Our first objective will be the development of self-re-straint. This carries a top priority rating. When we speak oract hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and toler-ant evaporates on the spot. One unkind tirade or one willfulsnap judgment can ruin our relation with another person fora whole day, or maybe a whole year. Nothing pays off likerestraint of tongue and pen. We must avoid quick-temperedcriticism and furious, power-driven argument. The samegoes for sulking or silent scorn. These are emotional boobytraps baited with pride and vengefulness. Our first job is tosidestep the traps. When we are tempted by the bait, weshould train ourselves to step back and think. For we canneither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self-restraint has become automatic.Disagreeable or unexpected problems are not the onlyones that call for self-control. We must be quite as carefulwhen we begin to achieve some measure of importance andmaterial success. For no people have ever loved personaltriumphs more than we have loved them; we drank of suc- 92STEP TENcess as of a wine which could never fail to make us feelelated. When temporary good fortune came our way, we in-dulged ourselves in fantasies of still greater victories overpeople and circumstances. Thus blinded by prideful self-confidence, we were apt to play the big shot. Of course,people turned away from us, bored or hurt.Now that we're in A.A. and sober, and winning back theesteem of our friends and business associates, we find thatwe still need to exercise special vigilance. As an insuranceagainst big-shot-ism we can of ten ch eck ours el v es b y re-membering that we are today sober only by the grace ofGod and that any success we may be having is far more Hissuccess than ours.Finally, we begin to see that all people, including our-selves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well asfrequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance andsee what real love for our fellows actually means. It will be-come more and more evident as we go forward that it ispointless to become angry, or to get hurt by people who,like us, are suffering from the pains of growing up.Such a radical change in our outlook will take time,maybe a lot of time. Not many people can truthfully assertthat they love everybody. Most of us must admit that wehave loved but a few; that we have been quite indifferent tothe many so long as none of them gave us trouble; and asfor the remainderwell, we have really disliked or hatedthem. Although these attitudes are common enough, weA.A.'s find we need something much better in order to keepour balance. We can't stand it if we hate deeply. The ideathat we can be possessively loving of a few, can ignore the STEP TEN93many, and can continue to fear or hate anybody, has to beabandoned, if only a little at a time.We can try to stop making unreasonable demands uponthose we love. We can show kindness where we had shownnone. With those we dislike we can begin to practice justiceand courtesy, perhaps going out of our way to understandand help them.Whenever we fail any of these people, we can promptlyadmit itto ourselves always, and to them also, when theadmission would be helpful. Courtesy, kindness, justice,and love are the keynotes by which we may come into har-mony with practically anybody. When in doubt we canalways pause, saying, Not m y wi l l , b ut Th i n e, b e don e.And we can often ask ourselves, Am I doing to others as Iwould have them do to metoday?When evening comes, perhaps just before going tosleep, many of us draw up a balance sheet for the day. Thisis a good place to remember that inventory-taking is not al-ways done in red ink. It's a poor day indeed when wehaven't done something right. As a matter of fact, the wak-ing hours are usually well filled with things that areconstructive. Good intentions, good thoughts, and good actsare there for us to see. Even when we have tried hard andfailed, we may chalk that up as one of the greatest credits ofall. Under these conditions, the pains of failure are convert-ed into assets. Out of them we receive the stimulation weneed to go forward. Someone who knew what he was talk-ing about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of allspiritual progress. How heartily we A.A.'s can agree withhim, for we know that the pains of drinking had to come 94STEP TENbefore sobriety, and emotional turmoil before serenity.As we glance down the debit side of the day's ledger,we should carefully examine our motives in each thoughtor act that appears to be wrong. In most cases our motiveswon't be hard to see and understand. When prideful, angry,jealous, anxious, or fearful, we acted accordingly, and thatwas that. Here we need only recognize that we did act orthink badly, try to visualize how we might have done better,and resolve with God's help to carry these lessons over intotomorrow, making, of course, any amends still neglected.But in other instances only the closest scrutiny will re-veal what our true motives were. There are cases where ourancient enemy, rationalization, has stepped in and has justi-fied conduct which was really wrong. The temptation hereis to imagine that we had good motives and reasons whenwe really didn't.We constructively criticized someone who needed it,when our real motive was to win a useless argument. Or,the person concerned not being present, we thought wewere helping others to understand him, when in actualityour true motive was to feel superior by pulling him down.We sometimes hurt those we love because they need to betaught a lesson, wh en we real l y wan t to pun i s h . W e weredepressed and complained we felt bad, when in fact wewere mainly asking for sympathy and attention. This oddtrait of mind and emotion, this perverse wish to hide a badmotive underneath a good one, permeates human affairsfrom top to bottom. This subtle and elusive kind of self-righteousness can underlie the smallest act or thought.Learning daily to spot, admit, and correct these flaws is the STEP TEN95essence of character-building and good living. An honestregret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings re-ceived, and a willingness to try for better things tomorrowwill be the permanent assets we shall seek.Having so considered our day, not omitting to take duenote of things well done, and having searched our heartswith neither fear nor favor, we can truly thank God for theblessings we have received and sleep in good conscience. Step ElevenSought through prayer and meditation toimprove our conscious contact with God aswe understood Him, praying only for knowl-edge of His will for us and the power to car-ry that out.PRAYER and meditation are our principal means of con-scious contact with God.We A.A.'s are active folk, enjoying the satisfactions ofdealing with the realities of life, usually for the first time inour lives, and strenuously trying to help the next alcoholicwho comes along. So it isn't surprising that we often tend toslight serious meditation and prayer as something not reallynecessary. To be sure, we feel it is something that mighthelp us to meet an occasional emergency, but at first manyof us are apt to regard it as a somewhat mysterious skill ofclergymen, from which we may hope to get a secondhandbenefit. Or perhaps we don't believe in these things at all.To certain newcomers and to those one-time agnosticswho still cling to the A.A. group as their higher power,claims for the power of prayer may, despite all the logic andexperience in proof of it, still be unconvincing or quite ob-jectionable. Those of us who once felt this way cancertainly understand and sympathize. We well rememberhow something deep inside us kept rebelling against theidea of bowing before any God. Many of us had strong log-96 STEP ELEVEN97ic, too, which proved there was no God whatever. Whatabout all the accidents, sickness, cruelty, and injustice in theworld? What about all those unhappy lives which were thedirect result of unfortunate birth and uncontrollable circum-stances? Surely there could be no justice in this scheme ofthings, and therefore no God at all.Sometimes we took a slightly different tack. Sure, wesaid to ourselves, the hen probably did come before theegg. No doubt the universe had a first cause of some sort,the God of the Atom, maybe, hot and cold by turns. Butcertainly there wasn't any evidence of a God who knew orcared about human beings. We liked A.A. all right, andwere quick to say that it had done miracles. But we recoiledfrom meditation and prayer as obstinately as the scientistwho refused to perform a certain experiment lest it provehis pet theory wrong. Of course we finally did experiment,and when unexpected results followed, we felt different; infact we knew different; and so we were sold on meditationand prayer. And that, we have found, can happen to any-body who tries. It has been well said that almost the onlyscoffers at prayer are those who never tried it enough.Those of us who have come to make regular use ofprayer would no more do without it than we would refuseair, food, or sunshine. And for the same reason. When werefuse air, light, or food, the body suffers. And when weturn away from meditation and prayer, we likewise depriveour minds, our emotions, and our intuitions of vitally need-ed support. As the body can fail its purpose for lack ofnourishment, so can the soul. We all need the light of God'sreality, the nourishment of His strength, and the atmosphere 98STEP ELEVENof His grace. To an amazing extent the facts of A.A. Lifeconfirm this ageless truth.There is a direct linkage among self-examination, medi-tation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices canbring much relief and benefit. But when they are logicallyrelated and interwoven, the result is an unshakable founda-tion for life. Now and then we may be granted a glimpse ofthat ultimate reality which is God's kingdom. And we willbe comforted and assured that our own destiny in that realmwill be secure for so long as we try, however falteringly, tofind and do the will of our own Creator.As we have seen, self-searching is the means by whichwe bring new vision, action, and grace to bear upon thedark and negative side of our natures. It is a step in the de-velopment of that kind of humility that makes it possiblefor us to receive God's help. Yet it is only a step. We willwant to go further.We will want the good that is in us all, even in the worstof us, to flower and to grow. Most certainly we shall needbracing air and an abundance of food. But first of all weshall want sunlight; nothing much can grow in the dark.Meditation is our step out into the sun. How, then, shall wemeditate?The actual experience of meditation and prayer acrossthe centuries is, of course, immense. The world's librariesand places of worship are a treasure trove for all seekers. Itis to be hoped that every A.A. who has a religious connec-tion which emphasizes meditation will return to the practiceof that devotion as never before. But what about the rest ofus who, less fortunate, don't even know how to begin? STEP ELEVEN99Well, we might start like this. First let's look at a reallygood prayer. We won't have far to seek; the great men andwomen of all religions have left us a wonderful supply.Here let us consider one that is a classic.Its author was a man who for several hundred yearsnow has been rated as a saint. We won't be biased or scaredoff by that fact, because although he was not an alcoholiche did, like us, go through the emotional wringer. And as hecame out the other side of that painful experience, thisprayer was his expression of what he could then see, feel,and wish to become:Lord, make me a channel of thy peacethat wherethere is hatred, I may bring lovethat where there iswrong, I may bring the spirit of forgivenessthat wherethere is discord, I may bring harmonythat where there iserror, I may bring truththat where there is doubt, I maybring faiththat where there is despair, I may bring hopethat where there are shadows, I may bring lightthatwhere there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that Imay seek rather to comfort than to be comfortedto un-derstand, than to be understoodto love, than to be loved.For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgivingthat one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eter-nal Life. Amen.As beginners in meditation, we might now reread thisprayer several times very slowly, savoring every word andtrying to take in the deep meaning of each phrase and idea.It will help if we can drop all resistance to what our friendsays. For in meditation, debate has no place. We rest quietlywith the thoughts of someone who knows, so that we may 100STEP ELEVENexperience and learn.As though lying upon a sunlit beach, let us relax andbreathe deeply of the spiritual atmosphere with which thegrace of this prayer surrounds us. Let us become willing topartake and be strengthened and lifted up by the sheer spiri-tual power, beauty, and love of which these magnificentwords are the carriers. Let us look now upon the sea andponder what its mystery is; and let us lift our eyes to the farhorizon, beyond which we shall seek all those wonders stillunseen.Shucks! says somebody. Th i s i s n on s en s e. It i s n ' tpractical.When such thoughts break in, we might recall, a littleruefully, how much store we used to set by imagination asit tried to create reality out of bottles. Yes, we reveled in thatsort of thinking, didn't we? And though sober nowadays,don't we often try to do much the same thing? Perhaps ourtrouble was not that we used our imagination. Perhaps thereal trouble was our almost total inability to point imagina-tion toward the right objectives. There's nothing the matterwith constructive imagination; all sound achievement restsupon it. After all, no man can build a house until he first en-visions a plan for it. Well, meditation is like that, too; ithelps to envision our spiritual objective before we try tomove toward it. So let's get back to that sunlit beachor tothe plains or to the mountains, if you prefer.When, by such simple devices, we have placed our-selves in a mood in which we can focus undisturbed onconstructive imagination, we might proceed like this:Once more we read our prayer, and again try to see STEP ELEVEN101what its inner essence is. We'll think now about the manwho first uttered the prayer. First of all, he wanted to be-come a channel. Then he asked for the grace to bringlove, forgiveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joyto every human being he could.Next came the expression of an aspiration and a hopefor himself. He hoped, God willing, that he might be able tofind some of these treasures, too. This he would try to do bywhat he called self-forgetting. What did he mean by self-forgetting, and how did he propose to accomplish that?He thought it better to give comfort than to receive it;better to understand than to be understood; better to forgivethan to be forgiven.This much could be a fragment of what is called medi-tation, perhaps our very first attempt at a mood, a flier intothe realm of spirit, if you like. It ought to be followed by agood look at where we stand now, and a further look atwhat might happen in our lives were we able to move clos-er to the ideal we have been trying to glimpse. Meditation issomething which can always be further developed. It hasno boundaries, either of width or height. Aided by such in-struction and example as we can find, it is essentially anindividual adventure, something which each one of usworks out in his own way. But its object is always thesame: to improve our conscious contact with God, with Hisgrace, wisdom, and love. And let's always remember thatmeditation is in reality intensely practical. One of its firstfruits is emotional balance. With it we can broaden anddeepen the channel between ourselves and God as we un-derstand Him. 102STEP ELEVENNow, what of prayer? Prayer is the raising of the heartand mind to Godand in this sense it includes meditation.How may we go about it? And how does it fit in with medi-tation? Prayer, as commonly understood, is a petition toGod. Having opened our channel as best we can, we try toask for those right things of which we and others are in thegreatest need. And we think that the whole range of ourneeds is well defined by that part of Step Eleven whichsays: . . . knowledge of His will for us and the power tocarry that out. A request for this fits in any part of our day.In the morning we think of the hours to come. Perhapswe think of our day's work and the chances it may afford usto be useful and helpful, or of some special problem that itmay bring. Possibly today will see a continuation of a seri-ous and as yet unresolved problem left over from yesterday.Our immediate temptation will be to ask for specific solu-tions to specific problems, and for the ability to help otherpeople as we have already thought they should be helped.In that case, we are asking God to do it our way. Therefore,we ought to consider each request carefully to see what itsreal merit is. Even so, when making specific requests, itwill be well to add to each one of them this qualification: .. . if it be Thy will. We ask simply that throughout the dayGod place in us the best understanding of His will that wecan have for that day, and that we be given the grace bywhich we may carry it out.As the day goes on, we can pause where situations mustbe met and decisions made, and renew the simple request:Thy will, not mine, be done. If at these points our emo-tional disturbance happens to be great, we will more surely STEP ELEVEN103keep our balance, provided we remember, and repeat toourselves, a particular prayer or phrase that has appealed tous in our reading or meditation. Just saying it over and overwill often enable us to clear a channel choked up withanger, fear, frustration, or misunderstanding, and permit usto return to the surest help of allour search for God's will,not our own, in the moment of stress. At these critical mo-ments, if we remind ourselves that it is better to comfortthan to be comforted, to understand than to be understood,to love than to be loved, we wi l l b e f ol l owi n g th e i n ten t ofStep Eleven.Of course, it is reasonable and understandable that thequestion is often asked: Why can't we take a specific andtroubling dilemma straight to God, and in prayer securefrom Him sure and definite answers to our requests?This can be done, but it has hazards. We have seenA.A.'s ask with much earnestness and faith for God's ex-plicit guidance on matters ranging all the way from ashattering domestic or financial crisis to correcting a minorpersonal fault, like tardiness. Quite often, however, thethoughts that seem to come from God are not answers atall. They prove to be well-intentioned unconscious rational-izations. The A.A., or indeed any man, who tries to run hislife rigidly by this kind of prayer, by this self-serving de-mand of God for replies, is a particularly disconcertingindividual. To any questioning or criticism of his actions heinstantly proffers his reliance upon prayer for guidance inall matters great or small. He may have forgotten the possi-bility that his own wishful thinking and the humantendency to rationalize have distorted his so-called guid- 104STEP ELEVENance. With the best of intentions, he tends to force his ownwill into all sorts of situations and problems with the com-fortable assurance that he is acting under God's specificdirection. Under such an illusion, he can of course creategreat havoc without in the least intending it.We also fall into another similar temptation. We formideas as to what we think God's will is for other people. Wesay to ourselves, Th i s on e ough t to b e cured of h i s f atalmalady, or Th at on e ough t to b e rel i ev ed of h i s em oti on alpain, an d we pray for these specific things. Such prayers,of course, are fundamentally good acts, but often they arebased upon a supposition that we know God's will for theperson for whom we pray. This means that side by sidewith an earnest prayer there can be a certain amount of pre-sumption and conceit in us. It is A.A.'s experience thatparticularly in these cases we ought to pray that God's will,whatever it is, be done for others as well as for ourselves.In A.A. we have found that the actual good results ofprayer are beyond question. They are matters of knowledgeand experience. All those who have persisted have foundstrength not ordinarily their own. They have found wisdombeyond their usual capability. And they have increasinglyfound a peace of mind which can stand firm in the face ofdifficult circumstances.We discover that we do receive guidance for our livesto just about the extent that we stop making demands uponGod to give it to us on order and on our terms. Almost anyexperienced A.A. will tell how his affairs have taken re-markable and unexpected turns for the better as he tried toimprove his conscious contact with God. He will also re- STEP ELEVEN105port that out of every season of grief or suffering, when thehand of God seemed heavy or even unjust, new lessons forliving were learned, new resources of courage were uncov-ered, and that finally, inescapably, the conviction came thatGod does move in a mysterious way His wonders to per-form.All this should be very encouraging news for those whorecoil from prayer because they don't believe in it, or be-cause they feel themselves cut off from God's help anddirection. All of us, without exception, pass through timeswhen we can pray only with the greatest exertion of will.Occasionally we go even further than this. We are seizedwith a rebellion so sickening that we simply won't pray.When these things happen we should not think too ill ofourselves. We should simply resume prayer as soon as wecan, doing what we know to be good for us.Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation andprayer is the sense of belonging that comes to us. We nolonger live in a completely hostile world. We are no longerlost and frightened and purposeless. The moment we catcheven a glimpse of God's will, the moment we begin to seetruth, justice, and love as the real and eternal things in life,we are no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evi-dence to the contrary that surrounds us in purely humanaffairs. We know that God lovingly watches over us. Weknow that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us,here and hereafter. Step TwelveHaving had a spiritual awakening as theresult of these steps, we tried to carry thismessage to alcoholics, and to practice theseprinciples in all our affairs.THE joy of living is the theme of A.A.'s Twelfth Step, andaction is its key word. Here we turn outward toward ourfellow alcoholics who are still in distress. Here we experi-ence the kind of giving that asks no rewards. Here we beginto practice all Twelve Steps of the program in our dailylives so that we and those about us may find emotional so-briety. When the Twelfth Step is seen in its full implication,it is really talking about the kind of love that has no pricetag on it.Our Twelfth Step also says that as a result of practicingall the Steps, we have each found something called a spiri-tual awakening. To new A.A.'s, this often seems like a verydubious and improbable state of affairs. What do youmean when you talk about a 'spiritual awakening'? theyask.Maybe there are as many definitions of spiritual awak-ening as there are people who have had them. But certainlyeach genuine one has something in common with all theothers. And these things which they have in common arenot too hard to understand. When a man or a woman has aspiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it isthat he has now become able to do, feel, and believe that106 STEP TWELVE107which he could not do before on his unaided strength andresources alone. He has been granted a gift which amountsto a new state of consciousness and being. He has been seton a path which tells him he is really going somewhere,that life is not a dead end, not something to be endured ormastered. In a very real sense he has been transformed, be-cause he has laid hold of a source of strength which, in oneway or another, he had hitherto denied himself. He findshimself in possession of a degree of honesty, tolerance, un-selfishness, peace of mind, and love of which he hadthought himself quite incapable. What he has received is afree gift, and yet usually, at least in some small part, he hasmade himself ready to receive it.A.A.'s manner of making ready to receive this gift liesin the practice of the Twelve Steps in our program. So let'sconsider briefly what we have been trying to do up to thispoint:Step One showed us an amazing paradox: We foundthat we were totally unable to be rid of the alcohol obses-sion until we first admitted that we were powerless over it.In Step Two we saw that since we could not restore our-selves to sanity, some Higher Power must necessarily do soif we were to survive. Consequently, in Step Three weturned our will and our lives over to the care of God as weunderstood Him. For the time being, we who were atheistor agnostic discovered that our own group, or A.A. as awhole, would suffice as a higher power. Beginning withStep Four, we commenced to search out the things in our-selves which had brought us to physical, moral, andspiritual bankruptcy. We made a searching and fearless 108STEP TWELVEmoral inventory. Looking at Step Five, we decided that aninventory, taken alone, wouldn't be enough. We knew wewould have to quit the deadly business of living alone withour conflicts, and in honesty confide these to God and an-other human being. At Step Six, many of us balkedforthe practical reason that we did not wish to have all our de-fects of character removed, because we still loved some ofthem too much. Yet we knew we had to make a settlementwith the fundamental principle of Step Six. So we decidedthat while we still had some flaws of character that wecould not yet relinquish, we ought nevertheless to quit ourstubborn, rebellious hanging on to them. We said to our-selves, Th i s I can n ot do today , perh aps , b ut I can stopcrying out 'No, never!' Then, in Step Seven, we humblyasked God to remove our short comings such as He couldor would under the conditions of the day we asked. In StepEight, we continued our housecleaning, for we saw that wewere not only in conflict with ourselves, but also with peo-ple and situations in the world in which we lived. We had tobegin to make our peace, and so we listed the people wehad harmed and became willing to set things right. We fol-lowed this up in Step Nine by making direct amends tothose concerned, except when it would injure them or otherpeople. By this time, at Step Ten, we had begun to get a ba-sis for daily living, and we keenly realized that we wouldneed to continue taking personal inventory, and that whenwe were in the wrong we ought to admit it promptly. InStep Eleven we saw that if a Higher Power had restored usto sanity and had enabled us to live with some peace ofmind in a sorely troubled world, then such a Higher Power STEP TWELVE109was worth knowing better, by as direct contact as possible.The persistent use of meditation and prayer, we found, didopen the channel so that where there had been a trickle,there now was a river which led to sure power and safeguidance from God as we were increasingly better able tounderstand Him.So, practicing these Steps, we had a spiritual awakeningabout which finally there was no question. Looking at thosewho were only beginning and still doubted themselves, therest of us were able to see the change setting in. From greatnumbers of such experiences, we could predict that thedoubter who still claimed that he hadn't got the spiritualangle, an d wh o s ti l l con s i dered h i s wel l -l ov ed A .A . groupthe higher power, would presently love God and call Himby name.Now, what about the rest of the Twelfth Step? The won-derful energy it releases and the eager action by which itcarries our message to the next suffering alcoholic andwhich finally translates the Twelve Steps into action uponall our affairs is the payoff, the magnificent reality, of Alco-holics Anonymous.Even the newest of newcomers finds undreamed re-wards as he tries to help his brother alcoholic, the one whois even blinder than he. This is indeed the kind of givingthat actually demands nothing. He does not expect hisbrother sufferer to pay him, or even to love him. And thenhe discovers that by the divine paradox of this kind of giv-ing he has found his own reward, whether his brother hasyet received anything or not. His own character may still begravely defective, but he somehow knows that God has en- 110STEP TWELVEabled him to make a mighty beginning, and he senses thathe stands at the edge of new mysteries, joys, and experi-ences of which he had never even dreamed.Practically every A.A. member declares that no satis-faction has been deeper and no joy greater than in a TwelfthStep job well done. To watch the eyes of men and womenopen with wonder as they move from darkness into light, tosee their lives quickly fill with new purpose and meaning,to see whole families reassembled, to see the alcoholic out-cast received back into his community in full citizenship,and above all to watch these people awaken to the presenceof a loving God in their livesthese things are the sub-stance of what we receive as we carry A.A.'s message to thenext alcoholic.Nor is this the only kind of Twelfth Step work. We sit inA.A. meetings and listen, not only to receive somethingourselves, but to give the reassurance and support whichour presence can bring. If our turn comes to speak at ameeting, we again try to carry A.A.'s message. Whether ouraudience is one or many, it is still Twelfth Step work. Thereare many opportunities even for those of us who feel unableto speak at meetings or who are so situated that we cannotdo much face-to-face Twelfth Step work. We can be theones who take on the unspectacular but important tasks thatmake good Twelfth Step work possible, perhaps arrangingfor the coffee and cake after the meetings, where so manyskeptical, suspicious newcomers have found confidenceand comfort in the laughter and talk. This is Twelfth Stepwork in the very best sense of the word. Freely ye have re-ceived; freely give . . . is the core of this part of Step STEP TWELVE111Twelve.We may often pass through Twelfth Step experienceswhere we will seem to be temporarily off the beam. Thesewill appear as big setbacks at the time, but will be seen lateras stepping-stones to better things. For example, we mayset our hearts on getting a particular person sobered up, andafter doing all we can for months, we see him relapse. Per-haps this will happen in a succession of cases, and we maybe deeply discouraged as to our ability to carry A.A.'s mes-sage. Or we may encounter the reverse situation, in whichwe are highly elated because we seem to have been suc-cessful. Here the temptation is to become rather possessiveof these newcomers. Perhaps we try to give them adviceabout their affairs which we aren't really competent to giveor ought not give at all. Then we are hurt and confusedwhen the advice is rejected, or when it is accepted andbrings still greater confusion. By a great deal of ardentTwelfth Step work we sometimes carry the message to somany alcoholics that they place us in a position of trust.They make us, let us say, the group's chairman. Here againwe are presented with the temptation to overmanage things,and sometimes this results in rebuffs and other conse-quences which are hard to take.But in the longer run we clearly realize that these areonly the pains of growing up, and nothing but good cancome from them if we turn more and more to the entireTwelve Steps for the answers.Now comes the biggest question yet. What about thepractice of these principles in all our affairs? Can we lovethe whole pattern of living as eagerly as we do the small 112STEP TWELVEsegment of it we discover when we try to help other alco-holics achieve sobriety? Can we bring the same spirit oflove and tolerance into our sometimes deranged familylives that we bring to our A.A. group? Can we have thesame kind of confidence and faith in these people who havebeen infected and sometimes crippled by our own illnessthat we have in our sponsors? Can we actually carry theA.A. spirit into our daily work? Can we meet our newlyrecognized responsibilities to the world at large? And canwe bring new purpose and devotion to the religion of ourchoice? Can we find a new joy of living in trying to dosomething about all these things?Furthermore, how shall we come to terms with seemingfailure or success? Can we now accept and adjust to eitherwithout despair or pride? Can we accept poverty, sickness,loneliness, and bereavement with courage and serenity?Can we steadfastly content ourselves with the humbler, yetsometimes more durable, satisfactions when the brighter,more glittering achievements are denied us?The A.A. answer to these questions about living is Yes,all of these things are possible. We know this because wesee monotony, pain, and even calamity turned to good useby those who keep on trying to practice A.A.'s TwelveSteps. And if these are facts of life for the many alcoholicswho have recovered in A.A., they can become the facts oflife for many more.Of course all A.A.'s, even the best, fall far short of suchachievements as a consistent thing. Without necessarily tak-ing that first drink, we often get quite far off the beam. Ourtroubles sometimes begin with indifference. We are sober STEP TWELVE113and happy in our A.A. work. Things go well at home andoffice. We naturally congratulate ourselves on what laterproves to be a far too easy and superficial point of view. Wetemporarily cease to grow because we feel satisfied thatthere is no need for all of A.A.'s Twelve Steps for us. Weare doing fine on a few of them. Maybe we are doing fineon only two of them, the First Step and that part of theTwelfth where we carry the message. In A.A. slang, thatblissful state is known as two-stepping. A n d i t can go onfor years.The best-intentioned of us can fall for the two-step il-lusion. Sooner or later the pink cloud stage wears off andthings go disappointingly dull. We begin to think that A.A.doesn't pay off after all. We become puzzled and discour-aged. Then perhaps life, as it has a way of doing, suddenlyhands us a great big lump that we can't begin to swallow, letalone digest. We fail to get a worked-for promotion. Welose that good job. Maybe there are serious domestic or ro-mantic difficulties, or perhaps that boy we thought God waslooking after becomes a military casualty.What then? Have we alcoholics in A.A. got, or can weget, the resources to meet these calamities which come toso many? These were problems of life which we could nev-er face up to. Can we now, with the help of God as weunderstand Him, handle them as well and as bravely as ournonalcoholic friends often do? Can we transform thesecalamities into assets, sources of growth and comfort toourselves and those about us? Well, we surely have achance if we switch from two-stepping to twelve-step- 114STEP TWELVEping, if we are willing to receive that grace of God whichcan sustain and strengthen us in any catastrophe.Our basic troubles are the same as everyone else's, butwhen an honest effort is made to practice these principlesin all our affairs, wel l -groun ded A .A .' s s eem to have theability, by God's grace, to take these troubles in stride andturn them into demonstrations of faith. We have seen A.A.'ssuffer lingering and fatal illness with little complaint, andoften in good cheer. We have sometimes seen families bro-ken apart by misunderstanding, tensions, or actualinfidelity, who are reunited by the A.A. way of life.Though the earning power of most A.A.'s is relativelyhigh, we have some members who never seem to get ontheir feet moneywise, and still others who encounter heavyfinancial reverses. Ordinarily we see these situations metwith fortitude and faith.Like most people, we have found that we can take ourbig lumps as they come. But also like others, we often dis-cover a greater challenge in the lesser and more continuousproblems of life. Our answer is in still more spiritual devel-opment. Only by this means can we improve our chancesfor really happy and useful living. And as we grow spiritu-ally, we find that our old attitudes toward our instincts needto undergo drastic revisions. Our desires for emotional se-curity and wealth, for personal prestige and power, forromance, and for family satisfactionsall these have to betempered and redirected. We have learned that the satisfac-tion of instincts cannot be the sole end and aim of our lives.If we place instincts first, we have got the cart before thehorse; we shall be pulled backward into disillusionment. STEP TWELVE115But when we are willing to place spiritual growth firstthen and only then do we have a real chance.After we come into A.A., if we go on growing, our atti-tudes and actions toward securityemotional security andfinancial securitycommence to change profoundly. Ourdemand for emotional security, for our own way, had con-stantly thrown us into unworkable relations with otherpeople. Though we were sometimes quite unconscious ofthis, the result always had been the same. Either we hadtried to play God and dominate those about us, or we hadinsisted on being overdependent upon them. Where peoplehad temporarily let us run their lives as though they werestill children, we had felt very happy and secure ourselves.But when they finally resisted or ran away, we were bitterlyhurt and disappointed. We blamed them, being quite unableto see that our unreasonable demands had been the cause. When we had taken the opposite tack and had insisted,like infants ourselves, that people protect and take care ofus or that the world owed us a living, then the result hadbeen equally unfortunate. This often caused the people wehad loved most to push us aside or perhaps desert us entire-ly. Our disillusionment had been hard to bear. We couldn'timagine people acting that way toward us. We had failed tosee that though adult in years we were still behaving child-ishly, trying to turn everybodyfriends, wives, husbands,even the world itselfinto protective parents. We had re-fused to learn the very hard lesson that overdependenceupon people is unsuccessful because all people are fallible,and even the best of them will sometimes let us down, es-pecially when our demands for attention become 116STEP TWELVEunreasonable.As we made spiritual progress, we saw through thesefallacies. It became clear that if we ever were to feel emo-tionally secure among grown-up people, we would have toput our lives on a give-and-take basis; we would have todevelop the sense of being in partnership or brotherhoodwith all those around us. We saw that we would need togive constantly of ourselves without demands for repay-ment. When we persistently did this we gradually foundthat people were attracted to us as never before. And even ifthey failed us, we could be understanding and not too seri-ously affected.When we developed still more, we discovered the bestpossible source of emotional stability to be God Himself.We found that dependence upon His perfect justice, for-giveness, and love was healthy, and that it would workwhere nothing else would. If we really depended uponGod, we couldn't very well play God to our fellows norwould we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protectionand care. These were the new attitudes that finally broughtmany of us an inner strength and peace that could not bedeeply shaken by the shortcomings of others or by anycalamity not of our own making.This new outlook was, we learned, something especial-ly necessary to us alcoholics. For alcoholism had been alonely business, even though we had been surrounded bypeople who loved us. But when self-will had driven every-body away and our isolation had become complete, itcaused us to play the big shot in cheap barrooms and thenfare forth alone on the street to depend upon the charity of STEP TWELVE117passersby. We were still trying to find emotional security bybeing dominating or dependent upon others. Even whenour fortunes had not ebbed that much and we neverthelessfound ourselves alone in the world, we still vainly tried tobe secure by some unhealthy kind of domination or depen-dence. For those of us who were like that, A.A. had a veryspecial meaning. Through it we begin to learn right rela-tions with people who understand us; we don't have to bealone any more.Most married folks in A.A. have very happy homes. Toa surprising extent, A.A. has offset the damage to familylife brought about by years of alcoholism. But just like allother societies, we do have sex and marital problems, andsometimes they are distressingly acute. Permanent mar-riage breakups and separations, however, are unusual inA.A. Our main problem is not how we are to stay married;it is how to be more happily married by eliminating the se-vere emotional twists that have so often stemmed fromalcoholism.Nearly every sound human being experiences, at sometime in life, a compelling desire to find a mate of the oppo-site sex with whom the fullest possible union can be madespiritual, mental, emotional, and physical. This mightyurge is the root of great human accomplishments, a creativeenergy that deeply influences our lives. God fashioned usthat way. So our question will be this: How, by ignorance,compulsion, and self-will, do we misuse this gift for ourown destruction? We A.A. cannot pretend to offer full an-swers to age-old perplexities, but our own experience doesprovide certain answers that work for us. 118STEP TWELVEWhen alcoholism strikes, very unnatural situations maydevelop which work against marriage partnership and com-patible union. If the man is affected, the wife must becomethe head of the house, often the breadwinner. As matters getworse, the husband becomes a sick and irresponsible childwho needs to be looked after and extricated from endlessscrapes and impasses. Very gradually, and usually withoutany realization of the fact, the wife is forced to become themother of an erring boy. And if she had a strong maternalinstinct to begin with, the situation is aggravated. Obvious-ly not much partnership can exist under these conditions.The wife usually goes on doing the best she knows how,but meanwhile the alcoholic alternately loves and hates hermaternal care. A pattern is thereby established that may takea lot of undoing later on. Nevertheless, under the influenceof A.A.'s Twelve Steps, these situations are often set right.*When the distortion has been great, however, a long pe-riod of patient striving may be necessary. After the husbandjoins A.A., the wife may become discontented, even highlyresentful that Alcoholics Anonymous has done the verything that all her years of devotion had failed to do. Herhusband may become so wrapped up in A.A. and his newfriends that he is inconsiderately away from home morethan when he drank. Seeing her unhappiness, he recom-mends A.A.'s Twelve Steps and tries to teach her how tolive. She naturally feels that for years she has made a far*In adapted form, the Steps are also used by Al-Anon FamilyGroups. Not a part of A.A., this worldwide fellowship consists ofspouses and other relatives or friends of alcoholics (in A.A. or stilldrinking). Its headquarters address is 1600 Corporate LandingParkway, Virgina Beach, VA 23456. STEP TWELVE119better job of living than he has. Both of them blame eachother and ask when their marriage is ever going to be happyagain. They may even begin to suspect it had never beenany good in the first place.Compatibility, of course, can be so impossibly damagedthat a separation may be necessary. But those cases are theunusual ones. The alcoholic, realizing what his wife has en-dured, and now fully understanding how much he himselfdid to damage her and his children, nearly always takes uphis marriage responsibilities with a willingness to repairwhat he can and to accept what he can't. He persistentlytries all of A.A.'s Twelve Steps in his home, often with fineresults. At this point he firmly but lovingly commences tobehave like a partner instead of like a bad boy. And aboveall he is finally convinced that reckless romancing is not away of life for him.A.A. has many single alcoholics who wish to marry andare in a position to do so. Some marry fellow A.A.'s. Howdo they come out? On the whole these marriages are verygood ones. Their common suffering as drinkers, their com-mon interest in A.A. and spiritual things, often enhancesuch unions. It is only where boy meets girl on A.A. cam-pus, and love follows at first sight, that difficulties maydevelop. The prospective partners need to be solid A.A.'sand long enough acquainted to know that their compatibili-ty at spiritual, mental, and emotional levels is a fact and notwishful thinking. They need to be as sure as possible thatno deep-lying emotional handicap in either will be likely torise up under later pressures to cripple them. The considera-tions are equally true and important for the A.A.'s who 120STEP TWELVEmarry outside A.A. With clear understanding and right,grown-up attitudes, very happy results do follow. And what can be said of many A.A. members who, fora variety of reasons, cannot have a family life? At firstmany of these feel lonely, hurt, and left out as they witnessso much domestic happiness about them. If they cannothave this kind of happiness, can A.A. offer them satisfac-tions of similar worth and durability? Yeswhenever theytry hard to seek them out. Surrounded by so many A.A.friends, these so-called loners tell us they no longer feelalone. In partnership with otherswomen and mentheycan devote themselves to any number of ideas, people, andconstructive projects. Free of marital responsibilities, theycan participate in enterprises which would be denied tofamily men and women. We daily see such members renderprodigies of service, and receive great joys in return.Where the possession of money and material thingswas concerned, our outlook underwent the same revolu-tionary change. With a few exceptions, all of us had beenspendthrifts. We threw money about in every direction withthe purpose of pleasing ourselves and impressing otherpeople. In our drinking time, we acted as if the money sup-ply was inexhaustible, though between binges we'dsometimes go to the other extreme and become almostmiserly. Without realizing it we were just accumulatingfunds for the next spree. Money was the symbol of pleasureand self-importance. When our drinking had become muchworse, money was only an urgent requirement which couldsupply us with the next drink and the temporary comfort ofoblivion it brought. STEP TWELVE121Upon entering A.A., these attitudes were sharply re-versed, often going much too far in the opposite direction.The spectacle of years of waste threw us into panic. Theresimply wouldn't be time, we thought, to rebuild our shat-tered fortunes. How could we ever take care of those awfuldebts, possess a decent home, educate the kids, and setsomething by for old age? Financial importance was nolonger our principal aim; we now clamored for material se-curity. Even when we were well reestablished in ourbusiness, these terrible fears often continued to haunt us.This made us misers and penny pinchers all over again.Complete financial security we must haveor else. Weforgot that most alcoholics in A.A. have an earning powerconsiderably above average; we forgot the immense good-will of our brother A.A.'s who were only too eager to helpus to better jobs when we deserved them; we forgot the ac-tual or potential financial insecurity of every human beingin the world. And, worst of all, we forgot God. In moneymatters we had faith only in ourselves, and not too much ofthat.This all meant, of course, that we were still far off bal-ance. When a job still looked like a mere means of gettingmoney rather than an opportunity for service, when the ac-quisition of money for financial independence looked moreimportant than a right dependence upon God, we were stillthe victims of unreasonable fears. And these were fearswhich would make a serene and useful existence, at any fi-nancial level, quite impossible.But as time passed we found that with the help of A.A.'sTwelve Steps we could lose those fears, no matter what our 122STEP TWELVEmaterial prospects were. We could cheerfully perform hum-ble labor without worrying about tomorrow. If ourcircumstances happened to be good, we no longer dreadeda change for the worse, for we had learned that these trou-bles could be turned into great values. It did not matter toomuch what our material condition was, but it did matterwhat our spiritual condition was. Money gradually becameour servant and not our master. It became a means of ex-changing love and service with those about us. When, withGod's help, we calmly accepted our lot, then we found wecould live at peace with ourselves and show others who stillsuffered the same fears that they could get over them, too.We found that freedom from fear was more important thanfreedom from want.Let's here take note of our improved outlook upon theproblems of personal importance, power, ambition, andleadership. These were reefs upon which many of us cameto shipwreck during our drinking careers.Practically every boy in the United States dreams of be-coming our President. He wants to be his country's numberone man. As he gets older and sees the impossibility of this,he can smile good-naturedly at his childhood dream. In lat-er life he finds that real happiness is not to be found in justtrying to be a number one man, or even a first-rater in theheartbreaking struggle for money, romance, or self-impor-tance. He learns that he can be content as long as he playswell whatever cards life deals him. He's still ambitious, butnot absurdly so, because he can now see and accept actualreality. He's willing to stay right size.But not so with alcoholics. When A.A. was quite STEP TWELVE123young, a number of eminent psychologists and doctorsmade an exhaustive study of a good-sized group of so-called problem drinkers. The doctors weren't trying to findhow different we were from one another; they sought tofind whatever personality traits, if any, this group of alco-holics had in common. They finally came up with aconclusion that shocked the A.A. members of that time.These distinguished men had the nerve to say that most ofthe alcoholics under investigation were still childish, emo-tionally sensitive, and grandiose.How we alcoholics did resent that verdict! We wouldnot believe that our adult dreams were often truly childish.And considering the rough deal life had given us, we felt itperfectly natural that we were sensitive. As to our grandiosebehavior, we insisted that we had been possessed of noth-ing but a high and legitimate ambition to win the battle oflife.In the years since, however, most of us have come toagree with those doctors. We have had a much keener lookat ourselves and those about us. We have seen that we wereprodded by unreasonable fears or anxieties into making alife business of winning fame, money, and what we thoughtwas leadership. So false pride became the reverse side ofthat ruinous coin marked Fear. We simply had to be num-ber one people to cover up our deep-lying inferiorities. Infitful successes we boasted of greater feats to be done; indefeat we were bitter. If we didn't have much of any world-ly success we became depressed and cowed. Then peoplesaid we were of the inferior type. But now we see our-selves as chips off the same old block. At heart we had all 124STEP TWELVEbeen abnormally fearful. It mattered little whether we hadsat on the shore of life drinking ourselves into forgetfulnessor had plunged in recklessly and willfully beyond our depthand ability. The result was the sameall of us had nearlyperished in a sea of alcohol.But today, in well-matured A.A.'s, these distorted driveshave been restored to something like their true purpose anddirection. We no longer strive to dominate or rule thoseabout us in order to gain self-importance. We no longerseek fame and honor in order to be praised. When by de-voted service to family, friends, business, or community weattract widespread affection and are sometimes singled outfor posts of greater responsibility and trust, we try to behumbly grateful and exert ourselves the more in a spirit oflove and service. True leadership, we find, depends uponable example and not upon vain displays of power or glory.Still more wonderful is the feeling that we do not haveto be specially distinguished among our fellows in order tobe useful and profoundly happy. Not many of us can beleaders of prominence, nor do we wish to be. Service, glad-ly rendered, obligations squarely met, troubles wellaccepted or solved with God's help, the knowledge that athome or in the world outside we are partners in a commoneffort, the well-understood fact that in God's sight all hu-man beings are important, the proof that love freely givensurely brings a full return, the certainty that we are nolonger isolated and alone in self-constructed prisons, thesurety that we need no longer be square pegs in round holesbut can fit and belong in God's scheme of thingsthese arethe permanent and legitimate satisfactions of right living for STEP TWELVE125which no amount of pomp and circumstance, no heap ofmaterial possessions, could possibly be substitutes. Trueambition is not what we thought it was. True ambition isthe deep desire to live usefully and walk humbly under thegrace of God. These little studies of A.A. Twelve Steps now come to aclose. We have been considering so many problems that itmay appear that A.A. consists mainly of racking dilemmasand troubleshooting. To a certain extent, that is true. Wehave been talking about problems because we are problempeople who have found a way up and out, and who wish toshare our knowledge of that way with all who can use it.For it is only by accepting and solving our problems thatwe can begin to get right with ourselves and with the worldabout us, and with Him who presides over us all. Under-standing is the key to right principles and attitudes, andright action is the key to good living; therefore the joy ofgood living is the theme of A.A. Twelfth Step.With each passing day of our lives, may every one of ussense more deeply the inner meaning of A.A.'s simpleprayer:God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,Courage to change the things we can,And wisdom to know the difference.  THE TWELVE TRADITIONS  Tradition OneOur common welfare should come first;personal recovery depends upon A.A. uni-ty.THE u n i ty of Alcoholics Anonymous is the most cher-ished quality our Society has. Our lives, the lives of all tocome, depend squarely upon it. We stay whole, or A.A.dies. Without unity, the heart of A.A. would cease to beat;our world arteries would no longer carry the life-givinggrace of God; His gift to us would be spent aimlessly. Backagain in their caves, alcoholics would reproach us and say,W h at a great th i n g A .A . m i gh t h av e b een !Does this mean, some will anxiously ask, that inA.A. the individual doesn't count for much? Is he to bedominated by his group and swallowed up in it?We may certainly answer this question with a loudNo! We believe there isn't a fellowship on earth whichlavishes more devoted care upon its individual members;surely there is none which more jealously guards the indi-vidual's right to think, talk, and act as he wishes. No A.A.can compel another to do anything; nobody can be pun-ished or expelled. Our Twelve Steps to recovery aresuggestions; the Twelve Traditions which guarantee A.A.'sunity contain not a single Don ' t. Th ey repeatedl y s ay Weought . . . but never You must!To many minds all this liberty for the individual spellssheer anarchy. Every newcomer, every friend who looks at129 130TRADITION ONEA.A. for the first time is greatly puzzled. They see libertyverging on license, yet they recognize at once that A.A. hasan irresistible strength of purpose and action. How, th eyask, can such a crowd of anarchists function at all? Howcan they possibly place their common welfare first? Whatin Heaven's name holds them together?Those who look closely soon have the key to thisstrange paradox. The A.A. member has to conform to theprinciples of recovery. His life actually depends upon obe-dience to spiritual principles. If he deviates too far, thepenalty is sure and swift; he sickens and dies. At first hegoes along because he must, but later he discovers a way oflife he really wants to live. Moreover, he finds he cannotkeep this priceless gift unless he gives it away. Neither henor anybody else can survive unless he carries the A.A.message. The moment this Twelfth Step work forms agroup, another discovery is madethat most individualscannot recover unless there is a group. Realization dawnsthat he is but a small part of a great whole; that no personalsacrifice is too great for preservation of the Fellowship. Helearns that the clamor of desires and ambitions within himmust be silenced whenever these could damage the group.It becomes plain that the group must survive or the individ-ual will not.So at the outset, how best to live and work together asgroups became the prime question. In the world about uswe saw personalities destroying whole peoples. The strug-gle for wealth, power, and prestige was tearing humanityapart as never before. If strong people were stalemated inthe search for peace and harmony, what was to become of TRADITION ONE131our erratic band of alcoholics? As we had once struggledand prayed for individual recovery, just so earnestly did wecommence to quest for the principles through which A.A.itself might survive. On anvils of experience, the structureof our Society was hammered out.Countless times, in as many cities and hamlets, we re-enacted the story of Eddie Rickenbacker and his coura-geous company when their plane crashed in the Pacific.Like us, they had suddenly found themselves saved fromdeath, but still floating upon a perilous sea. How well theysaw that their common welfare came first. None might be-come selfish of water or bread. Each needed to consider theothers, and in abiding faith they knew they must find theirreal strength. And this they did find, in measure to tran-scend all the defects of their frail craft, every test ofuncertainty, pain, fear, and despair, and even the death ofone.Thus has it been with A.A. By faith and by works wehave been able to build upon the lessons of an incredibleexperience. They live today in the Twelve Traditions of Al-coholics Anonymous, whichGod willingshall sustainus in unity for so long as He may need us. Tradition TwoFor our group purpose there is but one ul-timate authoritya loving God as He mayexpress Himself in our group conscience.Our leaders are but trusted servants; theydo not govern.WHERE does A.A. get its direction? Who runs it? This,too, is a puzzler for every friend and newcomer. When toldthat our Society has no president having authority to governit, no treasurer who can compel the payment of any dues,no board of directors who can cast an erring member intoouter darkness, when indeed no A.A. can give another a di-rective and enforce obedience, our friends gasp andexclaim, This simply can't be. There must be an anglesomewhere. These practical folk then read Tradition Two,and learn that the sole authority in A.A. is a loving God asHe may express Himself in the group conscience. They du-biously ask an experienced A.A. member if this reallyworks. The member, sane to all appearances, immediatelyanswers, Yes! It definitely does. The friends mutter thatthis looks vague, nebulous, pretty naive to them. Then theycommence to watch us with speculative eyes, pick up afragment of A.A. history, and soon have the solid facts.What are these facts of A.A. life which brought us tothis apparently impractical principle?John Doe, a good A.A., moveslet us sayto Middle-town, U.S.A. Alone now, he reflects that he may not be able132 TRADITION TWO133to stay sober, or even alive, unless he passes on to other al-coholics what was so freely given him. He feels a spiritualand ethical compulsion, because hundreds may be sufferingwithin reach of his help. Then, too, he misses his homegroup. He needs other alcoholics as much as they need him.He visits preachers, doctors, editors, policemen, and bar-tenders . . . with the result that Middletown now has agroup, and he is the founder.Being the founder, he is at first the boss. Who else couldbe? Very soon, though, his assumed authority to run every-thing begins to be shared with the first alcoholics he hashelped. At this moment, the benign dictator becomes thechairman of a committee composed of his friends. Theseare the growing group's hierarchy of serviceself-appoint-ed, of course, because there is no other way. In a matter ofmonths, A.A. booms in Middletown.The founder and his friends channel spirituality to new-comers, hire halls, make hospital arrangements, and entreattheir wives to brew gallons of coffee. Being on the humanside, the founder and his friends may bask a little in glory.They say to one another, Perhaps it would be a good ideaif we continue to keep a firm hand on A.A. in this town. Af-ter all, we are experienced. Besides, look at all the goodwe've done these drunks. They should be grateful! True,founders and their friends are sometimes wiser and morehumble than this. But more often at this stage they are not.Growing pains now beset the group. Panhandlers pan-handle. Lonely hearts pine. Problems descend like anavalanche. Still more important, murmurs are heard in thebody politic, which swell into a loud cry: Do these old- 134TRADITION TWOtimers think they can run this group forever? Let's have anelection. The founder and his friends are hurt and de-pressed. They rush from crisis to crisis and from member tomember, pleading; but it's no use, the revolution is on. Thegroup conscience is about to take over.Now comes the election. If the founder and his friendshave served well, they mayto their surprisebe reinstat-ed for a time. If, however, they have heavily resisted therising tide of democracy, they may be summarily beached.In either case, the group now has a so-called rotating com-mittee, very sharply limited in its authority. In no sensewhatever can its members govern or direct the group. Theyare servants. Theirs is the sometimes thankless privilege ofdoing the group's chores. Headed by the chairman, theylook after public relations and arrange meetings. Their trea-surer, strictly accountable, takes money from the hat that ispassed, banks it, pays the rent and other bills, and makes aregular report at business meetings. The secretary sees thatliterature is on the table, looks after the phone-answeringservice, answers the mail, and sends out notices of meet-ings. Such are the simple services that enable the group tofunction. The committee gives no spiritual advice, judgesno one's conduct, issues no orders. Every one of them maybe promptly eliminated at the next election if they try this.And so they make the belated discovery that they are reallyservants, not senators. These are universal experiences.Thus throughout A.A. does the group conscience decree theterms upon which its leaders shall serve.This brings us straight to the question Does A .A . h av ea real leadership? Most emphatically the answer is Yes, TRADITION TWO135notwithstanding the apparent lack of it. Let's turn again tothe deposed founder and his friends. What becomes ofthem? As their grief and anxiety wear away, a subtlechange begins. Ultimately, they divide into two classesknown in A.A. slang as elder statesmen and bleedingdeacons. The elder statesman is the one who sees the wis-dom of the group's decision, who holds no resentment overhis reduced status, whose judgment, fortified by consider-able experience, is sound, and who is willing to sit quietlyon the sidelines patiently awaiting developments. Thebleeding deacon is one who is just as surely convinced thatthe group cannot get along without him, who constantlyconnives for reelection to office, and who continues to beconsumed with self-pity. A few hemorrhage so badly thatdrained of all A.A. spirit and principlethey get drunk. Attimes the A.A. landscape seems to be littered with bleedingforms. Nearly every oldtimer in our Society has gonethrough this process in some degree. Happily, most of themsurvive and live to become elder statesmen. They becomethe real and permanent leadership of A.A. Theirs is the qui-et opinion, the sure knowledge and humble example thatresolve a crisis. When sorely perplexed, the group in-evitably turns to them for advice. They become the voice ofthe group conscience; in fact, these are the true voice of Al-coholics Anonymous. They do not drive by mandate; theylead by example. This is the experience which has led us tothe conclusion that our group conscience, well-advised byits elders, will be in the long run wiser than any single lead-er.When A.A. was only three years old, an event occurred 136TRADITION TWOdemonstrating this principle. One of the first members ofA.A., entirely contrary to his own desires, was obliged toconform to group opinion. Here is the story in his words.On e day I was doi n g a Twelfth Step job at a hospital inNew York. The proprietor, Charlie, summoned me to hisoffice. 'Bill,' he said, 'I think it's a shame that you are finan-cially so hard up. All around you these drunks are gettingwell and making money. But you're giving this work fulltime, and you're broke. It isn't fair.' Charlie fished in hisdesk and came up with an old financial statement. Handingit to me, he continued, 'This shows the kind of money thehospital used to make back in the 1920's. Thousands of dol-lars a month. It should be doing just as well now, and itwouldif only you'd help me. So why don't you moveyour work in here? I'll give you an office, a decent drawingaccount, and a very healthy slice of the profits. Three yearsago, when my head doctor, Silkworth, began to tell me ofthe idea of helping drunks by spirituality, I thought it wascrackpot stuff, but I've changed my mind. Some day thisbunch of ex-drunks of yours will fill Madison Square Gar-den, and I don't see why you should starve meanwhile.What I propose is perfectly ethical. You can become a laytherapist, and more successful than anybody in the busi-ness.'I was bowled over. There were a few twinges of con-science until I saw how really ethical Charlie's proposalwas. There was nothing wrong whatever with becoming alay therapist. I thought of Lois coming home exhaustedfrom the department store each day, only to cook supper fora houseful of drunks who weren't paying board. I thought TRADITION TWO137of the large sum of money still owing my Wall Street credi-tors. I thought of a few of my alcoholic friends, who weremaking as much money as ever. Why shouldn't I do as wellas they?Although I asked Charlie for a little time to consider it,my own mind was about made up. Racing back to Brook-lyn on the subway, I had a seeming flash of divineguidance. It was only a single sentence, but most convinc-ing. In fact, it came right out of the Biblea voice keptsaying to me, 'The laborer is worthy of his hire.' Arrivinghome, I found Lois cooking as usual, while three drunkslooked hungrily on from the kitchen door. I drew her asideand told the glorious news. She looked interested, but not asexcited as I thought she should be.It was meeting night. Although none of the alcoholicswe boarded seemed to get sober, some others had. Withtheir wives they crowded into our downstairs parlor. Atonce I burst into the story of my opportunity. Never shall Iforget their impassive faces, and the steady gaze they fo-cused upon me. With waning enthusiasm, my tale trailedoff to the end. There was a long silence.Almost timidly, one of my friends began to speak. 'Weknow how hard up you are, Bill. It bothers us a lot. We'veoften wondered what we might do about it. But I think Ispeak for everyone here when I say that what you now pro-pose bothers us an awful lot more.' The speaker's voicegrew more confident. 'Don't you realize,' he went on, 'thatyou can never become a professional? As generous asCharlie has been to us, don't you see that we can't tie thisthing up with his hospital or any other? You tell us that 138TRADITION TWOCharlie's proposal is ethical. Sure, it's ethical, but whatwe've got won't run on ethics only; it has to be better. Sure,Charlie's idea is good, but it isn't good enough. This is amatter of life and death, Bill, and nothing but the very bestwill do!' Challengingly, my friends looked at me as theirspokesman continued. 'Bill, haven't you often said righthere in this meeting that sometimes the good is the enemyof the best? Well, this is a plain case of it. You can't do thisthing to us!'So spoke the group conscience. The group was rightand I was wrong; the voice on the subway was not thevoice of God. Here was the true voice, welling up out ofmy friends. I listened, andthank GodI obeyed. Tradition ThreeThe only requirement for A.A. membershipis a desire to stop drinking.THIS Tradition is packed with meaning. For A.A. is reallysaying to every serious drinker, You are an A.A. memberif you say so. You can declare yourself in; nobody can keepyou out. No matter who you are, no matter how low you'vegone, no matter how grave your emotional complicationseven your crimeswe still can't deny you A.A. We don'twant to keep you out. We aren't a bit afraid you'll harm us,never mind how twisted or violent you may be. We justwant to be sure that you get the same great chance for so-briety that we've had. So you're an A.A. member the minuteyou declare yourself.To establish this principle of membership took years ofharrowing experience. In our early time, nothing seemed sofragile, so easily breakable as an A.A. group. Hardly an al-coholic we approached paid any attention; most of thosewho did join us were like flickering candles in a windstorm.Time after time, their uncertain flames blew out and could-n't be relighted. Our unspoken, constant thought wasW h i ch of us m ay b e th e n ex t?A member gives us a vivid glimpse of those days. Atone time, he says, every A.A. group had many member-ship rules. Everybody was scared witless that something orsomebody would capsize the boat and dump us all back139 140TRADITION THREEinto the drink. Our Foundation office* asked each group tosend in its list of 'protective' regulations. The total list was amile long. If all those rules had been in effect everywhere,nobody could have possibly joined A.A. at all, so great wasthe sum of our anxiety and fear.We were resolved to admit nobody to A.A.. but thathypothetical class of people we termed 'pure alcoholics.'Except for their guzzling, and the unfortunate results there-of, they could have no other complications. So beggars,tramps, asylum inmates, prisoners, queers, plain crackpots,and fallen women were definitely out. Yes sir, we'd cateronly to pure and respectable alcoholics! Any others wouldsurely destroy us. Besides, if we took in those odd ones,what would decent people say about us? We built a fine-mesh fence right around A.A.M ay b e th i s s oun ds com i cal n ow. M ay b e y ou th i n k weoldtimers were pretty intolerant. But I can tell you therewas nothing funny about the situation then. We were grimbecause we felt our lives and homes were threatened, andthat was no laughing matter. Intolerant, you say? Well, wewere frightened. Naturally, we began to act like most ev-erybody does when afraid. After all, isn't fear the true basisof intolerance? Yes, we were intolerant.How could we then guess that all those fears were toprove groundless? How could we know that thousands ofthese sometimes frightening people were to make astonish-ing recoveries and become our greatest workers and*In 1954, the name of the Alcoholic Foundation, Inc., waschanged to the General Service Board of Alcoholics Anonymous,Inc., and the Foundation office is now the General Service Office. TRADITION THREE141intimate friends? Was it credible that A.A. was to have a di-vorce rate far lower than average? Could we then foreseethat troublesome people were to become our principalteachers of patience and tolerance? Could any then imaginea society which would include every conceivable kind ofcharacter, and cut across every barrier of race, creed, poli-tics, and language with ease?Why did A.A. finally drop all its membership regula-tions? Why did we leave it to each newcomer to decidehimself whether he was an alcoholic and whether he shouldjoin us? Why did we dare to say, contrary to the experienceof society and government everywhere, that we would nei-ther punish nor deprive any A.A. of membership, that wemust never compel anyone to pay anything, believe any-thing, or conform to anything?The answer, now seen in Tradition Three, was simplici-ty itself. At last experience taught us that to take away anyalcoholic's full chance was sometimes to pronounce hisdeath sentence, and often to condemn him to endless mis-ery. Who dared to be judge, jury, and executioner of hisown sick brother?As group after group saw these possibilities, they finallyabandoned all membership regulations. One dramatic expe-rience after another clinched this determination until itbecame our universal tradition. Here are two examples:On the A.A. calendar it was Year Two. In that timenothing could be seen but two struggling, nameless groupsof alcoholics trying to hold their faces up to the light.A newcomer appeared at one of these groups, knockedon the door and asked to be let in. He talked frankly with 142TRADITION THREEthat group's oldest member. He soon proved that his was adesperate case, and that above all he wanted to get well.But, he asked, wi l l y ou l et m e j oi n y our group? Si n ce Iam the victim of another addiction even worse stigmatizedthan alcoholism, you may not want me among you. Or willyou?There was the dilemma. What should the group do?The oldest member summoned two others, and in confi-dence laid the explosive facts in their laps. Said he, Well,what about it? If we turn this man away, he'll soon die. Ifwe allow him in, only God knows what trouble he'll brew.What shall the answer beyes or no?At first the elders could look only at the objections. Wedeal, they said, with alcoholics only. Shouldn't we sacri-fice this one for the sake of the many? So went thediscussion while the newcomer's fate hung in the balance.Then one of the three spoke in a very different voice.W h at we are real l y af rai d of , he said, is our reputation.We are much more afraid of what people might say thanthe trouble this strange alcoholic might bring. As we'vebeen talking, five short words have been running throughmy mind. Something keeps repeating to me, 'What wouldthe Master do?' Not an oth er word was s ai d. W h at m ore i n-deed could be said?Overjoyed, the newcomer plunged into Twelfth Stepwork. Tirelessly he laid A.A.'s message before scores ofpeople. Since this was a very early group, those scores havesince multiplied themselves into thousands. Never did hetrouble anyone with his other difficulty. A.A. had taken itsfirst step in the formation of Tradition Three. TRADITION THREE143Not long after the man with the double stigma knockedfor admission, A.A.'s other group received into its member-ship a salesman we shall call Ed. A power driver, this one,and brash as any salesman could possibly be. He had atleast an idea a minute on how to improve A.A. These ideashe sold to fellow members with the same burning enthusi-asm with which he distributed automobile polish. But hehad one idea that wasn't so salable. Ed was an atheist. Hispet obsession was that A.A. could get along better withoutits God nonsense. He browbeat everybody, and every-body expected that he'd soon get drunkfor at the time,you see, A.A. was on the pious side. There must be a heavypenalty, it was thought, for blasphemy. Distressinglyenough, Ed proceeded to stay sober.At length the time came for him to speak in a meeting.We shivered, for we knew what was coming. He paid a finetribute to the Fellowship; he told how his family had beenreunited; he extolled the virtue of honesty; he recalled thejoys of Twelfth Step work; and then he lowered the boom.Cried Ed, I can't stand this God stuff! It's a lot of malarkeyfor weak folks. This group doesn't need it, and I won't haveit! To hell with it!A great wave of outraged resentment engulfed themeeting, sweeping every member to a single resolve: Outhe goes!The elders led Ed aside. They said firmly, You can'ttalk like this around here. You'll have to quit it or get out.With great sarcasm Ed came back at them. Now do tel l ! Isthat so? He reached over to a bookshelf and took up asheaf of papers. On top of them lay the foreword to the 144TRADITION THREEbook Alcoholics Anonymous then under preparation. Heread aloud, Th e on l y requi rem en t f or A .A . m em b ers h i p i sa desire to stop drinking. Rel en tl es s l y , Ed wen t on , W h enyou guys wrote that sentence, did you mean it, or didn'tyou?Dismayed, the elders looked at one another, for theyknew he had them cold. So Ed stayed.Ed not only stayed, he stayed sobermonth aftermonth. The longer he kept dry, the louder he talkedagainst God. The group was in anguish so deep that all fra-ternal charity had vanished. W h en, oh when, groanedmembers to one another, wi l l th at guy get drun k?Quite a while later, Ed got a sales job which took himout of town. At the end of a few days, the news came in.He'd sent a telegram for money, and everybody knew whatthat meant! Then he got on the phone. In those days, we'dgo anywhere on a Twelfth Step job, no matter how un-promising. But this time nobody stirred. Leave him alone!Let him try it by himself for once; maybe he'll learn a les-son!About two weeks later, Ed stole by night into an A.A.member's house and, unknown to the family, went to bed.Daylight found the master of the house and another frienddrinking their morning coffee. A noise was heard on thestairs. To their consternation, Ed appeared. A quizzicalsmile on his lips, he said, Have you fellows had yourmorning meditation? They quickly sensed that he wasquite in earnest. In fragments, his story came out.In a neighboring state, Ed had holed up in a cheap hotel.After all his pleas for help had been rebuffed, these words TRADITION THREE145rang in his fevered mind: Th ey have deserted me. I havebeen deserted by my own kind. This is the end . . . nothingis left. A s h e tos s ed on h i s b ed, h i s h an d b rus h ed th e b u-reau near by, touching a book. Opening the book, he read. Itwas a Gideon Bible. Ed never confided any more of whathe saw and felt in that hotel room. It was the year 1938. Hehasn't had a drink since.Nowadays, when oldtimers who know Ed foregather,they exclaim, W h at i f we h ad actual l y s ucceeded i n th row-ing Ed out for blasphemy? What would have happened tohim and all the others he later helped?So the hand of Providence early gave us a sign that anyalcoholic is a member of our Society when he says so. Tradition FourEach group should be autonomous exceptin matters affecting other groups or A.A. asa whole.AUTONOMY is a ten-dollar word. But in relation to us,it means very simply that every A.A. group can manage itsaffairs exactly as it pleases, except when A.A. as a whole isthreatened. Comes now the same question raised in Tradi-tion One. Isn't such liberty foolishly dangerous?Over the years, every conceivable deviation from ourTwelve Steps and Traditions has been tried. That was sureto be, since we are so largely a band of ego-driven individ-ualists. Children of chaos, we have defiantly played withevery brand of fire, only to emerge unharmed and, wethink, wiser. These very deviations created a vast process oftrial and error which, under the grace of God, has broughtus to where we stand today.When A.A.'s Traditions were first published, in 1946,we had become sure that an A.A. group could stand almostany amount of battering. We saw that the group, exactlylike the individual, must eventually conform to whatevertested principles would guarantee survival. We had discov-ered that there was perfect safety in the process of trial anderror. So confident of this had we become that the originalstatement of A.A. tradition carried this significant sentence:Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety146 TRADITION FOUR147may call themselves an A.A. group provided that as a groupthey have no other affiliation.This meant, of course, that we had been given thecourage to declare each A.A. group an individual entity,strictly reliant on its own conscience as a guide to action. Incharting this enormous expanse of freedom, we found itnecessary to post only two storm signals: A group ought notdo anything which would greatly injure A.A. as a whole,nor ought it affiliate itself with anything or anybody else.There would be real danger should we commence to callsome groups wet, oth ers dry , s till others Republicanor Communist, an d y et oth ers Catholic or ProtestantThe A.A. group would have to stick to its course or behopelessly lost. Sobriety had to be its sole objective. In allother respects there was perfect freedom of will and action.Every group had the right to be wrong.When A.A. was still young, lots of eager groups wereforming. In a town we'll call Middleton, a real crackerjackhad started up. The townspeople were as hot as firecrackersabout it. Stargazing, the elders dreamed of innovations.They figured the town needed a great big alcoholic center, akind of pilot plant A.A. groups could duplicate everywhere.Beginning on the ground floor there would be a club; in thesecond story they would sober up drunks and hand themcurrency for their back debts; the third deck would housean educational projectquite noncontroversial, of course.In imagination the gleaming center was to go up severalstories more, but three would do for a start. This would alltake a lot of moneyother people's money. Believe it ornot, wealthy townsfolk bought the idea. 148TRADITION FOURThere were, though, a few conservative dissentersamong the alcoholics. They wrote the Foundation* , A.A.'sheadquarters in New York, wanting to know about this sortof streamlining. They understood that the elders, just to nailthings down good, were about to apply to the Foundationfor a charter. These few were disturbed and skeptical.Of course, there was a promoter in the deala super-promoter. By his eloquence he allayed all fears, despite ad-vice from the Foundation that it could issue no charter, andthat ventures which mixed an A.A. group with medicationand education had come to sticky ends elsewhere. To makethings safer, the promoter organized three corporations andbecame president of them all. Freshly painted, the new cen-ter shone. The warmth of it all spread through the town.Soon things began to hum. To insure foolproof, continuousoperation, sixty-one rules and regulations were adopted.But alas, this bright scene was not long in darkening.Confusion replaced serenity. It was found that some drunksyearned for education, but doubted if they were alcoholics.The personality defects of others could be cured maybewith a loan. Some were club-minded, but it was just a ques-tion of taking care of the lonely heart. Sometimes theswarming applicants would go for all three floors. Somewould start at the top and come through to the bottom, be-coming club members; others started in the club, pitched abinge, were hospitalized, then graduated to education onthe third floor. It was a beehive of activity, all right, but un-*In 1954, the name of the Alcoholic Foundation, Inc., waschanged to the General Service Board of Alcoholics Anonymous,Inc., and the Foundation office is now the General Service Office. TRADITION FOUR149like a beehive, it was confusion compounded. An A.A.group, as such, simply couldn't handle this sort of project.All too late that was discovered. Then came the inevitableexplosionsomething like that day the boiler burst inWombley's Clapboard Factory. A chill chokedamp of fearand frustration fell over the group.When that lifted, a wonderful thing had happened. Thehead promoter wrote the Foundation office. He said hewished he'd paid some attention to A.A. experience. Thenhe did something else that was to become an A.A. classic. Itall went on a little card about golf-score size. The coverread: M i ddl eton Group #1. Rul e #62. On ce th e card wasunfolded, a single pungent sentence leaped to the eye:Don ' t take y ours el f too dam n s eri ous l y .Thus it was that under Tradition Four an A.A. grouphad exercised its right to be wrong. Moreover, it had per-formed a great service for Alcoholics Anonymous, becauseit had been humbly willing to apply the lessons it learned. Ithad picked itself up with a laugh and gone on to betterthings. Even the chief architect, standing in the ruins of hisdream, could laugh at himselfand that is the very acme ofhumility. Tradition FiveEach group has but one primary purposeto carry the message to the alcoholic whostill suffers. SHOEMAKER, stick to thy last!... better do one thingsupremely well than many badly. That is the central themeof this Tradition. Around it our Society gathers in unity. Thevery life of our Fellowship requires the preservation of thisprinciple.Alcoholics Anonymous can be likened to a group ofphysicians who might find a cure for cancer, and uponwhose concerted work would depend the answer for suffer-ers of this disease. True, each physician in such a groupmight have his own specialty. Every doctor concernedwould at times wish he could devote himself to his chosenfield rather than work only with the group. But once thesemen had hit upon a cure, once it became apparent that onlyby their united effort could this be accomplished, then all ofthem would feel bound to devote themselves solely to therelief of cancer. In the radiance of such a miraculous dis-covery, any doctor would set his other ambitions aside, atwhatever personal cost.Just as firmly bound by obligation are the members ofAlcoholics Anonymous, who have demonstrated that theycan help problem drinkers as others seldom can. Theunique ability of each A.A. to identify himself with, and150 TRADITION FIVE151bring recovery to, the newcomer in no way depends uponhis learning, eloquence, or on any special individual skills.The only thing that matters is that he is an alcoholic whohas found a key to sobriety. These legacies of suffering andof recovery are easily passed among alcoholics, one to theother. This is our gift from God, and its bestowal upon oth-ers like us is the one aim that today animates A.A.'s allaround the globe.There is another reason for this singleness of purpose. Itis the great paradox of A.A. that we know we can seldomkeep the precious gift of sobriety unless we give it away. Ifa group of doctors possessed a cancer cure, they might beconscience-stricken if they failed their mission through self-seeking. Yet such a failure wouldn't jeopardize their person-al survival. For us, if we neglect those who are still sick,there is unremitting danger to our own lives and sanity. Un-der these compulsions of self-preservation, duty, and love,it is not strange that our Society has concluded that it hasbut one high missionto carry the A.A. message to thosewho don't know there's a way out.Highlighting the wisdom of A.A.'s single purpose, amember tells this story:Restless one day, I felt I'd better do some Twelfth Stepwork. Maybe I should take out some insurance against aslip. But first I'd have to find a drunk to work on.So I hopped the subway to Towns Hospital, where Iasked Dr. Silkworth if he had a prospect. 'Nothing toopromising,' the little doc said. 'There's just one chap on thethird floor who might be a possibility. But he's an awfullytough Irishman. I never saw a man so obstinate. He shouts 152TRADITION FIVEthat if his partner would treat him better, and his wife wouldleave him alone, he'd soon solve his alcohol problem. He'shad a bad case of D.T.'s, he's pretty foggy, and he's verysuspicious of everybody. Doesn't sound too good, does it?But working with him may do something for you, so whydon't you have a go at it?'I was soon sitting beside a big hulk of a man. Decided-ly unfriendly, he stared at me out of eyes which were slits inhis red and swollen face. I had to agree with the doctorhecertainly didn't look good. But I told him my own story. Iexplained what a wonderful Fellowship we had, how wellwe understood each other. I bore down hard on the hope-lessness of the drunk's dilemma. I insisted that few drunkscould ever get well on their own steam, but that in ourgroups we could do together what we could not do sepa-rately. He interrupted to scoff at this and asserted he'd fixhis wife, his partner, and his alcoholism by himself. Sarcas-tically he asked, 'How much does your scheme cost?'I was thankful I could tell him, 'Nothing at all.'Hi s n ex t ques ti on : ' W h at are you getting out of it?'Of course, my answer was 'My own sobriety and amighty happy life.'Still dubious, he demanded, 'Do you really mean theonly reason you are here is to try and help me and to helpyourself?''Yes,' I said. 'That's absolutely all there is to it. There'sno angle.'Th en , h es i tan tl y , I v en tured to tal k ab out th e s pi ri tualside of our program. What a freeze that drunk gave me! I'dno sooner got the word 'spiritual' out of my mouth than he TRADITION FIVE153pounced. 'Oh!' he said. 'Now I get it! You're proselytizingfor some damn religious sect or other. Where do you getthat no angle stuff? I belong to a great church that meanseverything to me. You've got a nerve to come in here talk-ing religion!'Th an k h eav en I cam e up wi th th e ri gh t an s wer f or th atone. It was based foursquare on the single purpose of A.A.'You have faith,' I said. 'Perhaps far deeper faith than mine.No doubt you're better taught in religious matters than I. SoI can't tell you anything about religion. I don't even want totry. I'll bet, too, that you could give me a letter-perfect defi-nition of humility. But from what you've told me aboutyourself and your problems and how you propose to lickthem, I think I know what's wrong.''Okay,' he said. 'Give me the business.''Well,' said I, 'I think you're just a conceited Irishmanwho thinks he can run the whole show.'Th i s real l y rocked h i m . But as h e cal m ed down , h e b e-gan to listen while I tried to show him that humility was themain key to sobriety. Finally, he saw that I wasn't attempt-ing to change his religious views, that I wanted him to findthe grace in his own religion that would aid his recovery.From there on we got along fine.Now, con cl udes the oldtimer, suppose I'd beenobliged to talk to this man on religious grounds? Supposemy answer had to be that A.A. needed a lot of money; thatA.A. went in for education, hospitals, and rehabilitation?Suppose I'd suggested that I'd take a hand in his domesticand business affairs? Where would we have wound up? Noplace, of course. 154TRADITION FIVEYears later, this tough Irish customer liked to say, M ysponsor sold me one idea, and that was sobriety. At thetime, I couldn't have bought anything else. Tradition SixAn A.A. group ought never endorse, fi-nance or lend the A.A. name to any relatedfacility or outside enterprise, lest problemsof money, property and prestige divert usfrom our primary purpose.THE m o m e n t we saw that we had an answer for alco-holism, it was reasonable (or so it seemed at the time) for usto feel that we might have the answer to a lot of otherthings. The A.A. groups, many thought, could go into busi-ness, might finance any enterprise whatever in the totalfield of alcoholism. In fact, we felt duty-bound to throw thewhole weight of the A.A. name behind any meritoriouscause.Here are some of the things we dreamed. Hospitals did-n't like alcoholics, so we thought we'd build a hospital chainof our own. People needed to be told what alcoholism was,so we'd educate the public, even rewrite school and medicaltextbooks. We'd gather up derelicts from skid rows, sort outthose who could get well, and make it possible for the restto earn their livelihood in a kind of quarantined confine-ment. Maybe these places would make large sums ofmoney to carry on our other good works. We seriouslythought of rewriting the laws of the land, and having it de-clared that alcoholics are sick people. No more would theybe jailed; judges would parole them in our custody. We'dspill A.A. into the dark regions of dope addiction and crimi-155 156TRADITION SIXnality. We'd form groups of depressive and paranoid folks;the deeper the neurosis, the better we'd like it. It stood toreason that if alcoholism could be licked, so could anyproblem.It occurred to us that we could take what we had intothe factories and cause laborers and capitalists to love eachother. Our uncompromising honesty might soon clean uppolitics. With one arm around the shoulder of religion andthe other around the shoulder of medicine, we'd resolvetheir differences. Having learned to live so happily, we'dshow everybody else how. Why, we thought, our Society ofAlcoholics Anonymous might prove to be the spearhead ofa new spiritual advance! We might transform the world.Yes, we of A.A. did dream those dreams. How naturalthat was, since most alcoholics are bankrupt idealists. Near-ly every one of us had wished to do great good, performgreat deeds, and embody great ideals. We are all perfection-ists who, failing perfection, have gone to the other extremeand settled for the bottle and the blackout. Providence,through A.A., had brought us within reach of our highestexpectations. So why shouldn't we share our way of lifewith everyone?Whereupon we tried A.A. hospitalsthey all boggeddown because you cannot put an A.A. group into business;too many busybody cooks spoil the broth. A.A. groups hadtheir fling at education, and when they began to publiclywhoop up the merits of this or that brand, people becameconfused. Did A.A. fix drunks or was it an educationalproject? Was A.A. spiritual or was it medical? Was it a re-form movement? In consternation, we saw ourselves TRADITION SIX157getting married to all kinds of enterprises, some good andsome not so good. Watching alcoholics committed willy-nilly to prisons or asylums, we began to cry, Th ere ough ttabe a law! A .A .' s com m en ced to th um p tab l es i n l egi s l ati v ecommittee rooms and agitated for legal reform. That madegood newspaper copy, but little else. We saw we'd soon bemired in politics. Even inside A.A. we found it imperativeto remove the A.A. name from clubs and Twelfth Stephouses.These adventures implanted a deep-rooted convictionthat in no circumstances could we endorse any related en-terprise, no matter how good. We of AlcoholicsAnonymous could not be all things to all men, nor shouldwe try.Years ago this principle of no endorsement was put toa vital test. Some of the great distilling companies proposedto go into the field of alcohol education. It would be a goodthing, they believed, for the liquor trade to show a sense ofpublic responsibility. They wanted to say that liquor shouldbe enjoyed, not misused; hard drinkers ought to slow down,and problem drinkersalcoholicsshould not drink at all.In one of their trade associations, the question arose ofjust how this campaign should be handled. Of course, theywould use the resources of radio, press, and films to maketheir point. But what kind of person should head the job?They immediately thought of Alcoholics Anonymous. Ifthey could find a good public relations man in our ranks,why wouldn't he be ideal? He'd certainly know the prob-lem. His connection with A.A. would be valuable, becausethe Fellowship stood high in public favor and hadn't an en- 158TRADITION SIXemy in the world.Soon they'd spotted their man, an A.A. with the neces-sary experience. Straightway he appeared at New York'sA.A. headquarters, asking, Is there anything in our tradi-tion that suggests I shouldn't take a job like this one? Thekind of education seems good to me, and is not too contro-versial. Do you headquarters folks see any bugs in it?At first glance, it did look like a good thing. Then doubtcrept in. The association wanted to use our member's fullname in all its advertising; he was to be described both asits director of publicity and as a member of AlcoholicsAnonymous. Of course, there couldn't be the slightest ob-jection if such an association hired an A.A. member solelybecause of his public relations ability and his knowledge ofalcoholism. But that wasn't the whole story, for in this casenot only was an A.A. member to break his anonymity at apublic level, he was to link the name Alcoholics Anony-mous to this particular educational project in the minds ofmillions. It would be bound to appear that A.A. was nowbacking educationliquor trade association style.The minute we saw this compromising fact for what itwas, we asked the prospective publicity director how he feltabout it. Great guns! he said. Of cours e I can ' t take th ejob. The ink wouldn't be dry on the first ad before an awfulshriek would go up from the dry camp. They'd be out withlanterns looking for an honest A.A. to plump for theirbrand of education. A.A. would land exactly in the middleof the wet-dry controversy. Half the people in this countrywould think we'd signed up with the drys, the other halfwould think we'd joined the wets. What a mess! TRADITION SIX159Nev erth el es s , we poi n ted out, you still have a legalright to take this job.I know that, he said. But this is no time for legalities.Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life, and it comes first. Icertainly won't be the guy to land A.A. in big-time trouble,and this would really do it!Concerning endorsements, our friend had said it all. Wesaw as never before that we could not lend the A.A. nameto any cause other than our own. Tradition SevenEvery A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contribu-tions.SELF-SUPPORTING a l c o h o l i c s? Who ever heard ofsuch a thing? Yet we find that's what we have to be. Thisprinciple is telling evidence of the profound change thatA.A. has wrought in all of us. Everybody knows that activealcoholics scream that they have no troubles money can'tcure. Always, we've had our hands out. Time out of mindwe've been dependent upon somebody, usually money-wise. When a society composed entirely of alcoholics saysit's going to pay its bills, that's really news.Probably no A.A. Tradition had the labor pains this onedid. In early times, we were all broke. When you add to thisthe habitual supposition that people ought to give money toalcoholics trying to stay sober, it can be understood why wethought we deserved a pile of folding money. What greatthings A.A. would be able to do with it! But oddly enough,people who had money thought otherwise. They figuredthat it was high time we nowsoberpaid our own way.So our Fellowship stayed poor because it had to.There was another reason for our collective poverty. Itwas soon apparent that while alcoholics would spend lav-ishly on Twelfth Step cases, they had a terrific aversion todropping money into a meeting-place hat for group purpos-160 TRADITION SEVEN161es. We were astounded to find that we were as tight as thebark on a tree. So A.A., the movement, started and stayedbroke, while its individual members waxed prosperous.Alcoholics are certainly all-or-nothing people. Our re-actions to money prove this. As A.A. emerged from itsinfancy into adolescence, we swung from the idea that weneeded vast sums of money to the notion that A.A. should-n't have any. On every lip were the words You can't mixA.A. and money. We shall have to separate the spiritualfrom the material. We took this violent new tack becausehere and there members had tried to make money out oftheir A.A. connections, and we feared we'd be exploited.Now and then, grateful benefactors had endowed clubhous-es, and as a result there was sometimes outside interferencein our affairs. We had been presented with a hospital, andalmost immediately the donor's son became its principalpatient and would-be manager. One A.A. group was givenfive thousand dollars to do with what it would. The hassleover that chunk of money played havoc for years. Fright-ened by these complications, some groups refused to have acent in their treasuries.Despite these misgivings, we had to recognize the factthat A.A. had to function. Meeting places cost something.To save whole areas from turmoil, small offices had to beset up, telephones installed, and a few full-time secretarieshired. Over many protests, these things were accomplished.We saw that if they weren't, the man coming in the doorcouldn't get a break. These simple services would requiresmall sums of money which we could and would pay our-selves. At last the pendulum stopped swinging and pointed 162TRADITION SEVENstraight at Tradition Seven as it reads today.In this connection, Bill likes to tell the following point-ed story. He explains that when Jack Alexander's SaturdayEvening Post piece broke in 1941, thousands of frantic let-ters from distraught alcoholics and their families hit theFoundation* letterbox in New York. Our of f i ce s taf f , Bi l lsays, consisted of two people: one devoted secretary andmyself. How could this landslide of appeals be met? We'dhave to have some more full-time help, that was sure. Sowe asked the A.A. groups for voluntary contributions.Would they send us a dollar a member a year? Otherwisethis heartbreaking mail would have to go unanswered.To my surprise, the response of the groups was slow. Igot mighty sore about it. Looking at this avalanche of mailone morning at the office, I paced up and down rantinghow irresponsible and tightwad my fellow members were.Just then an old acquaintance stuck a tousled and achinghead in the door. He was our prize slippee. I could see hehad an awful hangover. Remembering some of my own,my heart filled with pity. I motioned him to my inside cubi-cle and produced a five-dollar bill. As my total income wasthirty dollars a week at the time, this was a fairly large do-nation. Lois really needed the money for groceries, but thatdidn't stop me. The intense relief on my friend's facewarmed my heart. I felt especially virtuous as I thought ofall the ex-drunks who wouldn't even send the Foundation adollar apiece, and here I was gladly making a five-dollar in-*In 1954, the name of the Alcoholic Foundation, Inc., waschanged to the General Service Board of Alcoholics Anonymous,Inc., and the Foundation office is now the General Service Office. TRADITION SEVEN163vestment to fix a hangover.Th e m eeti n g th at n i gh t was at New York's old 24thStreet Clubhouse. During the intermission, the treasurergave a timid talk on how broke the club was. (That was inthe period when you couldn't mix money and A.A. ) But fi-nally he said itthe landlord would put us out if we didn'tpay up. He concluded his remarks by saying, 'Now boys,please go heavier on the hat tonight, will you?'I heard all this quite plainly, as I was piously trying toconvert a newcomer who sat next to me. The hat came inmy direction, and 1 reached into my pocket. Still workingon my prospect, I fumbled and came up with a fifty-centpiece. Somehow it looked like a very big coin. Hastily, Idropped it back and fished out a dime, which clinked thinlyas I dropped it in the hat. Hats never got folding money inthose days.Th en I woke up. I wh o h ad b oas ted m y gen eros i ty th atmorning was treating my own club worse than the distantalcoholics who had forgotten to send the Foundation theirdollars. I realized that my five-dollar gift to the slippee wasan ego-feeding proposition, bad for him and bad for me.There was a place in A.A. where spirituality and moneywould mix, and that was in the hat!There is another story about money. One night in 1948,the trustees of the Foundation were having their quarterlymeeting. The agenda discussion included a very importantquestion. A certain lady had died. When her will was read,it was discovered she had left Alcoholics Anonymous intrust with the Alcoholic Foundation a sum of ten thousanddollars. The question was: Should A.A. take the gift? 164TRADITION SEVENWhat a debate we had on that one! The Foundation wasreally hard up just then; the groups weren't sending inenough for the support of the office; we had been tossing inall the book income and even that hadn't been enough. Thereserve was melting like snow in springtime. We neededthat ten thousand dollars. M ay b e, s om e s ai d, the groupswill never fully support the office. We can't let it shut down;it's far too vital. Yes, let's take the money. Let's take all suchdonations in the future. We're going to need them.Then came the opposition. They pointed out that theFoundation board already knew of a total of half a milliondollars set aside for A.A. in the wills of people still alive.Heaven only knew how much there was we hadn't heardabout. If outside donations weren't declined, absolutely cutoff, then the Foundation would one day become rich.Moreover, at the slightest intimation to the general publicfrom our trustees that we needed money, we could becomeimmensely rich. Compared to this prospect, the ten thou-sand dollars under consideration wasn't much, but like thealcoholic's first drink it would, if taken, inevitably set up adisastrous chain reaction. Where would that land us? Who-ever pays the piper is apt to call the tune, and if the A.A.Foundation obtained money from outside sources, itstrustees might be tempted to run things without reference tothe wishes of A.A. as a whole. Relieved of responsibility,every alcoholic would shrug and say, Oh , th e F oun dati onis wealthywhy should 1 bother? Th e pres s ure of th at f attreasury would surely tempt the board to invent all kinds ofschemes to do good with such funds, and so divert A.A.from its primary purpose. The moment that happened, our TRADITION SEVEN165Fellowship's confidence would be shaken. The boardwould be isolated, and would fall under heavy attack ofcriticism from both A..A. and the public. These were thepossibilities, pro and con.Then our trustees wrote a bright page of A.A. history.They declared for the principle that A.A. must always staypoor. Bare running expenses plus a prudent reserve wouldhenceforth be the Foundation's financial policy. Difficult asit was, they officially declined that ten thousand dollars, andadopted a formal, airtight resolution that all such futuregifts would be similarly declined. At that moment, we be-lieve, the principle of corporate poverty was firmly andfinally embedded in A.A. tradition.When these facts were printed, there was a profound re-action. To people familiar with endless drives for charitablefunds, A.A. presented a strange and refreshing spectacle.Approving editorials here and abroad generated a wave ofconfidence in the integrity of Alcoholics Anonymous. Theypointed out that the irresponsible had become responsible,and that by making financial independence part of its tradi-tion, Alcoholics Anonymous had revived an ideal that itsera had almost forgotten. Tradition EightAlcoholics Anonymous should remain for-ever nonprofessional, but our service cen-ters may employ special workers.ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS wi ll never have a pro-fessional class. We have gained some understanding of theancient words Freely ye have received, freely give. Wehave discovered that at the point of professionalism, moneyand spirituality do not mix. Almost no recovery from alco-holism has ever been brought about by the world's bestprofessionals, whether medical or religious. We do not de-cry professionalism in other fields, but we accept the soberfact that it does not work for us. Every time we have triedto professionalize our Twelfth Step, the result has been ex-actly the same: Our single purpose has been defeated.Alcoholics simply will not listen to a paid twelfth-step-per. Almost from the beginning, we have been positive thatface-to-face work with the alcoholic who suffers could bebased only on the desire to help and be helped. When anA.A. talks for money, whether at a meeting or to a singlenewcomer, it can have a very bad effect on him, too. Themoney motive compromises him and everything he saysand does for his prospect. This has always been so obviousthat only a very few A.A.'s have ever worked the TwelfthStep for a fee.Despite this certainty, it is nevertheless true that fewsubjects have been the cause of more contention within our166 TRADITION EIGHT167Fellowship than professionalism. Caretakers who sweptfloors, cooks who fried hamburgers, secretaries in offices,authors writing booksall these we have seen hotly as-sailed because they were, as their critics angrily remarked,making money out of A.A. Ignoring the fact that theselabors were not Twelfth Step jobs at all, the critics attackedas A.A. professionals these workers of ours who were oftendoing thankless tasks that no one else could or would do.Even greater furors were provoked when A.A. membersbegan to run rest homes and farms for alcoholics, whensome hired out to corporations as personnel men in chargeof the alcoholic problem in industry, when some becamenurses on alcoholic wards, when others entered the field ofalcohol education. In all these instances, and more, it wasclaimed that A.A. knowledge and experience were beingsold for money, hence these people, too, were profession-als.At last, however, a plain line of cleavage could be seenbetween professionalism and nonprofessionalism. Whenwe had agreed that the Twelfth Step couldn't be sold formoney, we had been wise. But when we had declared thatour Fellowship couldn't hire service workers nor could anyA.A. member carry our knowledge into other fields, wewere taking the counsel of fear, fear which today has beenlargely dispelled in the light of experience.Take the case of the club janitor and cook. If a club isgoing to function, it has to be habitable and hospitable. Wetried volunteers, who were quickly disenchanted withsweeping floors and brewing coffee seven days a week.They just didn't show up. Even more important, an empty 168TRADITION EIGHTclub couldn't answer its telephone, but it was an open invi-tation to a drunk on a binge who possessed a spare key. Sosomebody had to look after the place full time. If we hiredan alcoholic, he'd receive only what we'd have to pay anonalcoholic for the same job. The job was not to doTwelfth Step work; it was to make Twelfth Step work pos-sible. It was a service proposition, pure and simple.Neither could A.A. itself function without full-timeworkers. At the Foundation* a nd intergroup offices, wecouldn't employ nonalcoholics as secretaries; we had tohave people who knew the A.A. pitch. But the minute wehired them, the ultraconservative and fearful ones shrilled,Professionalism! A t on e peri od, th e s tatus of th es e f ai th-ful servants was almost unbearable. They weren't asked tospeak at A.A. meetings because they were making moneyout of A.A. A t ti m es , th ey were actually shunned by fel-low members. Even the charitably disposed described themas a necessary evil. Committees took full advantage ofthis attitude to depress their salaries. They could regainsome measure of virtue, it was thought, if they worked forA.A. real cheap. These notions persisted for years. Then wesaw that if a hardworking secretary answered the phonedozens of times a day, listened to twenty wailing wives, ar-ranged hospitalization and got sponsorship for tennewcomers, and was gently diplomatic with the irate drunkwho complained about the job she was doing and how shewas overpaid, then such a person could surely not be called*In 1954, the name of the Alcoholic Foundation, Inc., waschanged to the General Service Board of Alcoholics Anonymous,Inc., and the Foundation office is now the General Service Office. TRADITION EIGHT169a professional A.A. She was not professionalizing theTwelfth Step; she was just making it possible. She washelping to give the man coming in the door the break heought to have. Volunteer committeemen and assistantscould be of great help, but they could not be expected tocarry this load day in and day out.At the Foundation, the same story repeats itself. Eighttons of books and literature per month do not package andchannel themselves all over the world. Sacks of letters onevery conceivable A.A. problem ranging from a lonely-heart Eskimo to the growing pains of thousands of groupsmust be answered by people who know. Right contactswith the world outside have to be maintained. A.A.'s life-lines have to be tended. So we hire A.A. staff members. Wepay them well, and they earn what they get. They are pro-fessional secretaries,* but they certainly are not professionalA.A.'s.Perhaps the fear will always lurk in every A.A. heartthat one day our name will be exploited by somebody forreal cash. Even the suggestion of such a thing never fails towhip up a hurricane, and we have discovered that hurri-canes have a way of mauling with equal severity both thejust and the unjust. They are always unreasonable.No individuals have been more buffeted by such emo-tional gusts than those A.A.'s bold enough to acceptemployment with outside agencies dealing with the alcohol*The work of present-day staff members has no counterpartamong the job categories of commercial organizations. TheseA.A.'s bring a wide range of business and professional experienceto their service at G.S.O. 170TRADITION EIGHTproblem. A university wanted an A.A. member to educatethe public on alcoholism. A corporation wanted a personnelman familiar with the subject. A state drunk farm wanted amanager who could really handle inebriates. A city wantedan experienced social worker who understood what alcoholcould do to a family. A state alcohol commission wanted apaid researcher. These are only a few of the jobs whichA.A. members as individuals have been asked to fill. Nowand then, A.A. members have bought farms or rest homeswhere badly beat-up topers could find needed care. Thequestion wasand sometimes still isare such activitiesto be branded as professionalism under A.A. tradition?We think the answer is No. M em b ers wh o s el ect s uchfull-time careers do not professionalize A.A.'s TwelfthStep. Th e road to th i s con cl us i on was l on g an d rocky . A tfirst, we couldn't see the real issue involved. In former days,the moment an A.A. hired out to such enterprises, he wasimmediately tempted to use the name Alcoholics Anony-mous for publicity or money-raising purposes. Drunkfarms, educational ventures, state legislatures, and commis-sions advertised the fact that A.A. members served them.Unthinkingly, A.A.'s so employed recklessly brokeanonymity to thump the tub for their pet enterprise. For thisreason, some very good causes and all connected with themsuffered unjust criticism from A.A. groups. More often thannot, these onslaughts were spearheaded by the cry Profes-sionalism! That guy is making money out of A.A.! Yet nota single one of them had been hired to do A.A.'s TwelfthStep work. The violation in these instances was not profes-sionalism at all; it was breaking anonymity. A.A.'s sole TRADITION EIGHT171purpose was being compromised, and the name of Alco-holics Anonymous was being misused. It is significant, now that almost no A.A. in our Fellow-ship breaks anonymity at the public level, that nearly allthese fears have subsided. We see that we have no right orneed to discourage A.A.'s who wish to work as individualsin these wider fields. It would be actually antisocial werewe to forbid them. We cannot declare A.A. such a closedcorporation that we keep our knowledge and experience topsecret. If an A.A. member acting as a citizen can become abetter researcher, educator, personnel officer, then why not?Everybody gains and we have lost nothing. True, some ofthe projects to which A.A.'s have attached themselves havebeen ill-conceived, but that makes not the slightest differ-ence with the principle involved.This is the exciting welter of events which has finallycast up A.A.'s Tradition of nonprofessionalism. Our TwelfthStep is never to be paid for. but those who labor in servicefor us are worthy of their hire. Tradition NineA.A., as such, ought never be organized;but we may create service boards or com-mittees directly responsible to those theyserve.WHEN Tradition Nine was first written, it said that Al-coholics Anonymous needs the least possible organization.In years since then, we have changed our minds about that.Today, we are able to say with assurance that AlcoholicsAnonymousA.A. as a wholeshould never be orga-nized at all. Then, in seeming contradiction, we proceed tocreate special service boards and committees which inthemselves are organized. How, then, can we have an unor-ganized movement which can and does create a serviceorganization for itself? Scanning this puzzler, people say,W h at do th ey m ean , n o organ i zati on ?Well, let's see. Did anyone ever hear of a nation, achurch, a political party, even a benevolent association thathad no membership rules? Did anyone ever hear of a soci-ety which couldn't somehow discipline its members andenforce obedience to necessary rules and regulations?Doesn't nearly every society on earth give authority tosome of its members to impose obedience upon the rest andto punish or expel offenders? Therefore, every nation, infact every form of society, has to be a government adminis-tered by human beings. Power to direct or govern is theessence of organization everywhere.172 TRADITION NINE173Yet Alcoholics Anonymous is an exception. It does notconform to this pattern. Neither its General Service Confer-ence, its Foundation Board,* n or the humblest groupcommittee can issue a single directive to an A.A. memberand make it stick, let alone mete out any punishment. We'vetried it lots of times, but utter failure is always the result.Groups have tried to expel members, but the banished havecome back to sit in the meeting place, saying, This is lifefor us; you can't keep us out. Com m i ttees h av e i n s tructedmany an A.A. to stop working on a chronic backslider, onlyto be told: How I do my Twelfth Step work is my busi-ness. Who are you to judge? This doesn't mean an A.A.won't take advice or suggestions from more experiencedmembers, but he surely won't take orders. Who is more un-popular than the oldtime A.A., full of wisdom, who movesto another area and tries to tell the group there how to runits business? He and all like him who view with alarm forthe good of A.A. meet the most stubborn resistance or,worse still, laughter.You might think A.A.'s headquarters in New Yorkwould be an exception. Surely, the people there would haveto have some authority. But long ago, trustees and staffmembers alike found they could do no more than makesuggestions, and very mild ones at that. They even had tocoin a couple of sentences which still go into half the lettersthey write: Of course, you are at perfect liberty to handlethis matter any way you please. But the majority experience*In 1954, the name of the Alcoholic Foundation, Inc., waschanged to the General Service Board of Alcoholics Anonymous,Inc., and the Foundation office is now the General Service Office. 174TRADITION NINEin A.A. does seem to suggest . . . Now, that attitude is farremoved from central government, isn't it? We recognizethat alcoholics can't be dictated toindividually or collec-tively.At this juncture, we can hear a churchman exclaim,Th ey are m aki n g di s ob edi en ce a v i rtue! He i s j oi n ed b y apsychiatrist who says, Def i an t b rats ! Th ey won ' t grow upand conform to social usage! Th e m an i n th e s treet s ay s , Idon't understand it. They must be nuts! But all these ob-servers have overlooked something unique in AlcoholicsAnonymous. Unless each A.A. member follows to the bestof his ability our suggested Twelve Steps to recovery, he al-most certainly signs his own death warrant. Hisdrunkenness and dissolution are not penalties inflicted bypeople in authority; they result from his personal disobedi-ence to spiritual principles.The same stern threat applies to the group itself. Unlessthere is approximate conformity to A.A.'s Twelve Tradi-tions, the group, too, can deteriorate and die. So we of A.A.do obey spiritual principles, first because we must, and ulti-mately because we love the kind of life such obediencebrings. Great suffering and great love are A.A.'s disciplinar-ians; we need no others.It is clear now that we ought never to name boards togovern us, but it is equally clear that we shall always needto authorize workers to serve us. It is the difference be-tween the spirit of vested authority and the spirit of service,two concepts which are sometimes poles apart. It is in thisspirit of service that we elect the A.A. group's informal ro-tating committee, the intergroup association for the area, TRADITION NINE175and the General Service Conferences of Alcoholics Anony-mous for A.A. as a whole. Even our Foundation, once anindependent board, is today directly accountable to our Fel-lowship. Its trustees are the caretakers and expediters of ourworld services.Just as the aim of each A.A. member is personal sobri-ety, the aim of our services is to bring sobriety within reachof all who want it. If nobody does the group's chores, if thearea's telephone rings unanswered, if we do not reply to ourmail, then A.A. as we know it would stop. Our communi-cations lines with those who need our help would bebroken.A.A. has to function, but at the same time it must avoidthose dangers of great wealth, prestige, and entrenchedpower which necessarily tempt other societies. Though Tra-dition Nine at first sight seems to deal with a purelypractical matter, in its actual operation it discloses a societywithout organization, animated only by the spirit of servicea true fellowship. Tradition TenAlcoholics Anonymous has no opinion onoutside issues; hence the A.A. name oughtnever be drawn into public controversy.NEVER since it began has Alcoholics Anonymous beendivided by a major controversial issue. Nor has our Fellow-ship ever publicly taken sides on any question in anembattled world. This, however, has been no earned virtue.It could almost be said that we were born with it, for, as oneoldtimer recently declared, Practically never have I hearda heated religious, political, or reform argument amongA.A. members. So long as we don't argue these matters pri-vately, it's a cinch we never shall publicly.As by some deep instinct, we A.A.'s have known fromthe very beginning that we must never, no matter what theprovocation, publicly take sides in any fight, even a worthyone. All history affords us the spectacle of striving nationsand groups finally torn asunder because they were designedfor, or tempted into, controversy. Others fell apart becauseof sheer self-righteousness while trying to enforce upon therest of mankind some millennium of their own specifica-tion. In our own times, we have seen millions die inpolitical and economic wars often spurred by religious andracial difference. We live in the imminent possibility of afresh holocaust to determine how men shall be governed,and how the products of nature and toil shall be divided176 TRADITION TEN177among them. That is the spiritual climate in which A.A.was born, and by God's grace has nevertheless flourished.Let us reemphasize that this reluctance to fight one an-other or anybody else is not counted as some special virtuewhich makes us feel superior to other people. Nor does itmean that the members of Alcoholics Anonymous, now re-stored as citizens of the world, are going to back away fromtheir individual responsibilities to act as they see the rightupon issues of our time. But when it comes to A.A. as awhole, that's quite a different matter. In this respect, we donot enter into public controversy, because we know that ourSociety will perish if it does. We conceive the survival andspread of Alcoholics Anonymous to be something of fargreater importance than the weight we could collectivelythrow back of any other cause. Since recovery from alco-holism is life itself to us, it is imperative that we preserve infull strength our means of survival.Maybe this sounds as though the alcoholics in A.A. hadsuddenly gone peaceable, and become one great big happyfamily. Of course, this isn't so at all. Human beings that weare, we squabble. Before we leveled off a bit, A.A. lookedmore like one prodigious squabble than anything else, atleast on the surface. A corporation director who had justvoted a company expenditure of a hundred thousand dol-lars would appear at an A.A. business meeting and blow histop over an outlay of twenty-five dollars' worth of neededpostage stamps. Disliking the attempt of some to manage agroup, half its membership might angrily rush off to formanother group more to their liking. Elders, temporarilyturned Pharisee, have sulked. Bitter attacks have been di- 178TRADITION TENrected against people suspected of mixed motives. Despitetheir din, our puny rows never did A.A. a particle of harm.They were just part and parcel of learning to work and livetogether. Let it be noted, too, that they were almost alwaysconcerned with ways to make A.A. more effective, how todo the most good for the most alcoholics.The Washingtonian Society, a movement among alco-holics which started in Baltimore a century ago, almostdiscovered the answer to alcoholism. At first, the societywas composed entirely of alcoholics trying to help one an-other. The early members foresaw that they should dedicatethemselves to this sole aim. In many respects, the Washing-tonians were akin to A.A. of today. Their membershippassed the hundred thousand mark. Had they been left tothemselves, and had they stuck to their one goal, they mighthave found the rest of the answer. But this didn't happen.Instead, the Washingtonians permitted politicians and re-formers, both alcoholic and nonalcoholic, to use the societyfor their own purposes. Abolition of slavery, for example,was a stormy political issue then. Soon, Washingtonianspeakers violently and publicly took sides on this question.Maybe the society could have survived the abolition con-troversy, but it didn't have a chance from the moment itdetermined to reform America's drinking habits. When theWashingtonians became temperance crusaders, within avery few years they had completely lost their effectivenessin helping alcoholics.The lesson to be learned from the Washingtonians wasnot overlooked by Alcoholics Anonymous. As we surveyedthe wreck of that movement, early A.A. members resolved TRADITION TEN179to keep our Society out of public controversy. Thus waslaid the cornerstone for Tradition Ten: Alcoholics Anony-mous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A.name ought never be drawn into public controversy. Tradition ElevenOur public relations policy is based on at-traction rather than promotion; we need al-ways maintain personal anonymity at thelevel of press, radio and films.WITHOUT its legions of well-wishers, A.A. could neverhave grown as it has. Throughout the world, immense andfavorable publicity of every description has been the princi-pal means of bringing alcoholics into our Fellowship. InA.A. offices, clubs, and homes, telephones ring constantly.One voice says, I read a piece in the newspapers . . .; an-other, We heard a radio program . . .; and still another,We saw a moving picture . . . or We saw somethingabout A.A. on television. . . . It is no exaggeration to saythat half of A.A.'s membership has been led to us throughchannels like these.The inquiring voices are not all alcoholics or their fami-lies. Doctors read medical papers about AlcoholicsAnonymous and call for more information. Clergymen seearticles in their church journals and also make inquiries.Employers learn that great corporations have set their ap-proval upon us, and wish to discover what can be doneabout alcoholism in their own firms.Therefore, a great responsibility fell upon us to developthe best possible public relations policy for AlcoholicsAnonymous. Through many painful experiences, we thinkwe have arrived at what that policy ought to be. It is the op-180 TRADITION ELEVEN181posite in many ways of usual promotional practice. Wefound that we had to rely upon the principle of attractionrather than of promotion.Let's see how these two contrasting ideasattractionand promotionwork out. A political party wishes to winan election, so it advertises the virtues of its leadership todraw votes. A worthy charity wants to raise money; forth-with, its letterhead shows the name of every distinguishedperson whose support can be obtained. Much of the politi-cal, economic, and religious life of the world is dependentupon publicized leadership. People who symbolize causesand ideas fill a deep human need. We of A.A. do not ques-tion that. But we do have to soberly face the fact that beingin the public eye is hazardous, especially for us. By temper-ament, nearly every one of us had been an irrepressiblepromoter, and the prospect of a society composed almostentirely of promoters was frightening. Considering this ex-plosive factor, we knew we had to exercise self-restraint.The way this restraint paid off was startling. It resultedin more favorable publicity of Alcoholics Anonymous thancould possibly have been obtained through all the arts andabilities of A.A.'s best press agents. Obviously, A.A. had tobe publicized somehow, so we resorted to the idea that itwould be far better to let our friends do this for us. Preciselythat has happened, to an unbelievable extent. Veteran news-men, trained doubters that they are, have gone all out tocarry A.A.'s message. To them, we are something morethan the source of good stories. On almost every newsfront,the men and women of the press have attached themselvesto us as friends. 182TRADITION ELEVENIn the beginning, the press could not understand our re-fusal of all personal publicity. They were genuinely baffledby our insistence upon anonymity. Then they got the point.Here was something rare in the worlda society whichsaid it wished to publicize its principles and its work, butnot its individual members. The press was delighted withthis attitude. Ever since, these friends have reported A.A.with an enthusiasm which the most ardent members wouldfind hard to match.There was actually a time when the press of Americathought the anonymity of A.A. was better for us than someof our own members did. At one point, about a hundred ofour Society were breaking anonymity at the public level.With perfectly good intent, these folks declared that theprinciple of anonymity was horse-and-buggy stuff, some-thing appropriate to A.A.'s pioneering days. They were surethat A.A. could go faster and farther if it availed itself ofmodern publicity methods. A.A., they pointed out, includedmany persons of local, national, or international fame. Pro-vided they were willingand many werewhy shouldn'ttheir membership be publicized, thereby encouraging oth-ers to join us? These were plausible arguments, but happilyour friends of the writing profession disagreed with them.The Foundation* wrote letters to practically every newsoutlet in North America, setting forth our public relationspolicy of attraction rather than promotion, and emphasizingSince that time, editors and rewrite men have repeatedlydeleted names and pictures of members from A.A. copy;frequently, they have reminded ambitious individuals ofA.A.'s anonymity policy. They have even sacrificed good TRADITION ELEVEN183stories to this end. The force of their cooperation has cer-tainly helped. Only a few A.A. members are left whodeliberately break anonymity at the public level.This, in brief, is the process by which A.A.'s TraditionEleven was constructed. To us, however, it represents farmore than a sound public relations policy. It is more than adenial of self-seeking. This Tradition is a constant and prac-tical reminder that personal ambition has no place in A.A.In it, each member becomes an active guardian of our Fel-lowship. Tradition TwelveAnonymity is the spiritual foundation of allour traditions, ever reminding us to placeprinciples before personalities.THE s p i r i t u al substance of anonymity is sacrifice. Be-cause A.A.'s Twelve Traditions repeatedly ask us to give uppersonal desires for the common good, we realize that thesacrificial spiritwell symbolized by anonymityis thefoundation of them all. It is A.A.'s proved willingness tomake these sacrifices that gives people their high confi-dence in our future.But in the beginning, anonymity was not born of confi-dence; it was the child of our early fears. Our first namelessgroups of alcoholics were secret societies. New prospectscould find us only through a few trusted friends. The barehint of publicity, even for our work, shocked us. Thoughex-drinkers, we still thought we had to hide from publicdistrust and contempt.When the Big Book appeared in 1939, we called it Al-coholics Anonymous. Its foreword made this revealingstatement: It is important that we remain anonymous be-cause we are too few, at present, to handle theoverwhelming number of personal appeals which may re-sult from this publication. Being mostly business orprofessional folk, we could not well carry on our occupa-tions in such an event. Between these lines, it is easy toread our fear that large numbers of incoming people mightbreak our anonymity wide open.184 TRADITION TWELVE185As the A.A. groups multiplied, so did anonymity prob-lems. Enthusiastic over the spectacular recovery of abrother alcoholic, we'd sometimes discuss those intimateand harrowing aspects of his case meant for his sponsor'sear alone. The aggrieved victim would then tightly declarethat his trust had been broken. When such stories got intocirculation outside of A.A., the loss of confidence in ouranonymity promise was severe. It frequently turned peoplefrom us. Clearly, every A.A. member's nameand story,toohad to be confidential, if he wished. This was our firstlesson in the practical application of anonymity.With characteristic intemperance, however, some of ournewcomers cared not at all for secrecy. They wanted toshout A.A. from the housetops, and did, Alcoholics barelydry rushed about bright-eyed, buttonholing anyone whowould listen to their stories. Others hurried to place themselves before microphones and cameras. Sometimes, theygot distressingly drunk and let their groups down with abang. They had changed from A.A. members into A.A.show-offs.This phenomenon of contrast really set us thinking.Squarely before us was the question How anonymousshould an A.A. member be? Our growth m ade i t pl ai n th atwe couldn't be a secret society, but it was equally plain thatwe couldn't be a vaudeville circuit, either. The charting of asafe path between these extremes took a long time.As a rule, the average newcomer wanted his family toknow immediately what he was trying to do. He also want-ed to tell others who had tried to help himhis doctor, hisminister, and close friends. As he gained confidence, he felt 186TRADITION TWELVEit right to explain his new way of life to his employer andbusiness associates. When opportunities to be helpful camealong, he found he could talk easily about A.A. to almostanyone. These quiet disclosures helped him to lose his fearof the alcoholic stigma, and spread the news of A.A.'s exis-tence in his community. Many a new man and womancame to A.A. because of such conversations. Though not inthe strict letter of anonymity, such communications werewell within its spirit.But it became apparent that the word-of-mouth methodwas too limited. Our work, as such, needed to be publi-cized. The A.A. groups would have to reach quickly asmany despairing alcoholics as they could. Consequently,many groups began to hold meetings which were open tointerested friends and the public, so that the average citizencould see for himself just what A.A. was all about. The re-sponse to these meetings was warmly sympathetic. Soon,groups began to receive requests for A.A. speakers to ap-pear before civic organizations, church groups, and medicalsocieties. Provided anonymity was maintained on theseplatforms, and reporters present were cautioned against theuse of names or pictures, the result was fine.Then came our first few excursions into major publicity,which were breathtaking. Cleveland's Plain Dealer articlesabout us ran that town's membership from a few into hun-dreds overnight. The news stories of Mr. Rockefeller'sdinner for Alcoholics Anonymous helped double our totalmembership in a year's time. Jack Alexander's famous Sat-urday Evening Post piece made A.A. a national institution.Such tributes as these brought opportunities for still more TRADITION TWELVE187recognition. Other newspapers and magazines wanted A.A.stories. Film companies wanted to photograph us. Radio,and finally television, besieged us with requests for appear-ances. What should we do?As this tide offering top public approval swept in, werealized that it could do us incalculable good or great harm.Everything would depend upon how it was channeled. Wesimply couldn't afford to take the chance of letting self-ap-pointed members present themselves as messiahsrepresenting A.A. before the whole public. The promoterinstinct in us might be our undoing. If even one publicly gotdrunk, or was lured into using A.A.'s name for his own pur-poses, the damage might be irreparable. At this altitude(press, radio, films, and television), anonymity100 per-cent anonymitywas the only possible answer. Here,principles would have to come before personalities, withoutexception.These experiences taught us that anonymity is real hu-mility at work. It is an all-pervading spiritual quality whichtoday keynotes A.A. life everywhere. Moved by the spiritof anonymity, we try to give up our natural desires for per-sonal distinction as A.A. members both among fellowalcoholics and before the general public. As we lay asidethese very human aspirations, we believe that each of ustakes part in the weaving of a protective mantle which cov-ers our whole Society and under which we may grow andwork in unity.We are sure that humility, expressed by anonymity, isthe greatest safeguard that Alcoholics Anonymous can everhave.  TraditionsLong Form(The Twelve Traditions)Our A.A. experience has taught us that:OneEach member of Alcoholics Anonymous is but asmall part of a great whole. A.A. must continue to live ormost of us will surely die. Hence our common welfarecomes first. But individual welfare follows close afterward.TwoFor our group purpose there is but one ultimate au-thoritya loving God as He may express Himself in ourgroup conscience. ThreeOur membership ought to include all who sufferfrom alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish torecover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend on mon-ey or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gatheredtogether for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group,provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. FourWith respect to its own affairs, each A.A. groupshould be responsible to no other authority other than itsown conscience. But when its plans concern the welfare ofneighboring groups also, those groups ought to be consult-ed. And no group, regional committee, or individual shouldever take any action that might greatly affect A.A. as awhole without conferring with the trustees of the GeneralService Board. On such issues our common welfare isparamount.189 190TRADITIONSLONG FORMFiveEach Alcoholics Anonymous group ought to be aspiritual entity having but one primary purposethat ofcarrying its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.SixProblems of money, property, and authority may eas-ily divert us from our primary spiritual aim. We think,therefore, that any considerable property of genuine use toA.A. should be separately incorporated and managed, thusdividing the material from the spiritual. An A.A. group, assuch, should never go into business. Secondary aids to A.A.such as clubs or hospitals which require much property oradministration, ought to be incorporated and so set apartthat, if necessary, they can be freely discarded by thegroups. Hence such facilities ought not to use the A.A.name. Their management should be the sole responsibilityof those people who financially support them. For clubs,A.A. managers are usually preferred. But hospitals, as wellas other places of recuperation, ought to be well outsideA.A.and medically supervised. While an A.A. groupmay cooperate with anyone, such cooperation ought neverto go so far as affiliation or endorsement, actual or implied.An A.A. group can bind itself to no one.SevenThe A.A. groups themselves ought to be fully sup-ported by the voluntary contributions of their ownmembers. We think that each group should soon achievethis ideal; that any public solicitation of funds using thename of Alcoholics Anonymous is highly dangerouswhether by groups, clubs, hospitals, or other outside agen-cies, that acceptance of large gifts from any source, or ofcontributions carrying any obligation whatever, is unwise. TRADITIONSLONG FORM191Then, too, we view with much concern those A.A. trea-suries which continue, beyond prudent reserves, toaccumulate funds for no stated A.A. purpose. Experiencehas often warned us that nothing can so surely destroy ourspiritual heritage as futile disputes over property, money,and authority. EightAlcoholics Anonymous should remain forevernonprofessional. We define professionalism as the occupa-tion of counseling alcoholics for fees or hire. But we mayemploy alcoholics where they are going to perform thoseservices for which we might otherwise have to engage non-alcoholics. Such special services may be wellrecompensed. But our usual A.A. Twelfth Step work isnever to be paid for.NineEach A.A. group needs the least possible organiza-tion. Rotating leadership is the best. The small group mayelect its secretary, the large group its rotating committee,and the groups of a large metropolitan area their central orintergroup committee, which often employs a full-time sec-retary. The trustees of the General Service Board are, ineffect, our A.A. General Service Committee. They are thecustodians of our A.A. Tradition and the receivers of volun-tary A.A. contributions by which we maintain our A.A.General Service Office in New York. They are authorizedby the groups to handle our overall public relations, andthey guarantee the integrity of our principal newspaper, theA.A. Grapevine. All such representatives are to be guidedin the spirit of service, for true leaders in A.A. are but trust-ed and experienced servants of the whole. They derive no 192TRADITIONSLONG FORMreal authority from their titles; they do not govern. Univer-sal respect is the key to their usefulness.TenNo A.A. group or member should ever, in such away as to implicate A.A., express any opinion on outsidecontroversial issuesparticularly those of politics, alcoholreform, or sectarian religion. The Alcoholics Anonymousgroups oppose no one. Concerning such matters they canexpress no views whatsoever. ElevenOur relations with the general public should becharacterized by personal anonymity. We think A.A. shouldavoid sensational advertising. Our names and pictures asA.A. members ought not be broadcast, filmed, or publiclyprinted. Our public relations should be guided by the prin-ciple of attraction rather than promotion. There is neverneed to praise ourselves. We feel it better that our friendsrecommend us. TwelveAnd finally, we of Alcoholics Anonymous be-lieve that the principle of anonymity has an immensespiritual significance. It reminds us that we are to placeprinciples before personalities; that we are to practice agenuine humility. This to the end that our great blessingsmay never spoil us; that we shall forever live in thankfulcontemplation of Him who presides over us all.", "source": {"title": "AA-12-Steps-12-Traditions.pdf", "extraction_date": "2024-12-22T15:50:10.499533", "total_pages": 194}, "section_index": 0, "qa_type": "main_points", "timestamp": "2024-12-22T15:50:12.844713"}
{"question": "Can you summarize the key concepts from this passage in AA-12-Steps-12-Traditions.pdf?", "answer": "TWELVE STEPSandTWELVE TRADITIONS  TWELVESTEPSandTWELVETRADITIONSxALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS WORLD SERVICES, INC.BOX 459, GRAND CENTRAL STATIONNEW YORK, NY 10163 Copyright 1952, 1953, 1981 by The A.A. Grapevine,Inc. and Alcoholics Anonymous Publishing (nowknown as )All rights reservedFirst Printing, April 1953Sixty-fourth Printing, January 2003Windows Help version, July 1994*Electronic .PDF version, September 2005+ This edition is NOT A.A. General Service Conference approved literature ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS and A.A. are registeredtrademarks of A.A. World Services, Inc.ISBN 0-916856-01-1Library of Congress Catalog Card No. 53-5454Printed in the United States of America* Transcribed by M r. D.. Sof tware dev el opm en t b y cy b .+ .PDF version based upon the text of the Windows Help versionand published by ARID Media. A.A. World Services and itssubsidiaries were not involved within the production of thisspecific work. ContentsForeword15THE TWELVE STEPSStep One21W e admitted we were powerless over alcoholthatour lives had become unmanageable.Who cares to admit complete defeat? Admission of pow-erlessness is the first step in liberation. Relation of humili-ty to sobriety. Mental obsession plus physical allergy.Why must every A.A. hit bottom?Step Two25Came to believe that a P ow er greater than ourselvescould restore us to sanity.What can we believe in? A.A. does not demand belief;Twelve Steps are only suggestions. Importance of an openmind. Variety of ways to faith. Substitution of A.A. asHigher Power. Plight of the disillusioned. Roadblocks ofindifference and prejudice. Lost faith found in A.A. Prob-lems of intellectuality and self-sufficiency. Negative andpositive thinking. Self-righteousness. Defiance is an out-standing characteristic of alcoholics. Step Two is a rally-ing point to sanity. Right relation to God.Step Three34Made a decision to turn our w ill and our lives over tothe care of God, as we understood Him.Step Three is like opening of a locked door. How shall welet God into our lives? Willingness is the key. Depen-dence as a means to independence. Dangers of self-suffi-5 6CONTENTSciency. Turning our will over to Higher Power. Misuse ofwillpower. Sustained and personal exertion necessary toconform to God's will. Step Four42Made a searching and fearless moral inventory ofourselves.How instincts can exceed their proper function. Step Fouris an effort to discover our liabilities. Basic problem ofextremes in instinctive drives. Misguided moral inventorycan result in guilt, grandiosity, or blaming others. Assetscan be noted with liabilities. Self-justification is danger-ous. Willingness to take inventory brings light and newconfidence. Step Four is beginning of lifetime practice.Common symptoms of emotional insecurity are worry,anger, self-pity, and depression. Inventory reviews rela-tionships. Importance of thoroughness.Step Five55Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another humanbeing the exact nature of our wrongs.Twelve Steps deflate ego. Step Five is difficult but neces-sary to sobriety and peace of mind. Confession is an an-cient discipline. Without fearless admission of defects,few could stay sober. What do we receive from StepFive? Beginning of true kinship with man and God. Losesense of isolation, receive forgiveness and give it; learnhumility; gain honesty and realism about ourselves. Ne-cessity for complete honesty. Danger of rationalization.How to choose the person in whom to confide. Results aretranquility and consciousness of God. Oneness with Godand man prepares us for following Steps.Step Six63W ere entirely ready to have God remove all thesedefects of character.Step Six necessary to spiritual growth. The beginning of a CONTENTS7lifetime job. Recognition of difference between strivingfor objectiveand perfection. Why we must keep trying.Bei n g ready i s al l -i m portan t. Neces s i ty of taki n g acti on .Delay is dangerous. Rebellion may be fatal. Point atwhich we abandon limited objectives and move towardGod's will for us.Step Seven70Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.What is humility? What can it mean to us? The avenue totrue freedom of the human spirit. Necessary aid to sur-vival. Value of ego-puncturing. Failure and misery trans-formed by humility. Strength from weakness. Pain is theadmission price to new life. Self-centered fear chief acti-vator of defects. Step Seven is change in attitude whichpermits us to move out of ourselves toward God.Step Eight77Made a list of all persons we had harmed, andbecame willing to make amends to them all.This and the next two Steps are concerned with personalrelations. Learning to live with others is a fascinating ad-venture. Obstacles: reluctance to forgive; nonadmission ofwrongs to others; purposeful forgetting. Necessity of ex-haustive survey of past. Deepening insight results fromthoroughness. Kinds of harm done to others. Avoiding ex-treme judgments. Taking the objective view. Step Eight isthe beginning of the end of isolation.Step Nine83Made direct amends to such people whereverpossible, except when to do so would injure them orothers.A tranquil mood is the first requisite for good judgment.Good timing is important in making amends. What iscourage? Prudence means taking calculated chances.Amends begin when we join A.A. Peace of mind cannot 8CONTENTSbe bought at the expense of others. Need for discretion.Readiness to take consequences of our past and to take re-sponsibility for well-being of others is spirit of Step Nine.Step Ten88Continued to take personal inventory and when wewere wrong promptly admitted it.Can we stay sober and keep emotional balance under allconditions? Self-searching becomes a regular habit. Ad-mit, accept, and patiently correct defects. Emotional hang-over. When past is settled with, present challenges can bemet. Varieties of inventory. Anger, resentments, jealous-ly, envy, self-pity, hurt prideall led to the bottle. Self-restraint first objective. Insurance against big-shot-ism.Let's look at credits as well as debits. Examination of mo-tives.Step Eleven96Sought through prayer and meditation to improve ourconscious contact with God as we understood Him,praying only for knowledge of His will for us and thepower to carry that out.Meditation and prayer main channels to Higher Power.Connection between self-examination and meditation andprayer. An unshakable foundation for life. How shall wemeditate? Meditation has no boundaries. An individualadventure. First result is emotional balance. What aboutprayer? Daily petitions for understanding of God's willand grace to carry it out. Actual results of prayer are be-yond question. Rewards of meditation and prayer.Step Twelve106Having had a spiritual awakening as the result ofthese steps, we tried to carry this message toalcoholics, and to practice these principles in all ouraffairs.Joy of living is the theme of the Twelfth Step. Action its CONTENTS9keyword. Giving that asks no reward. Love that has noprice tag. What is spiritual awakening? A new state ofconsciousness and being is received as a free gift. Readi-ness to receive free gift lies in practice of Twelve Steps.The magnificent reality. Rewards of helping other alco-holics. Kinds of Twelfth Step work. Problems of TwelfthStep work. What about the practice of these principles inall o ur affairs? Monotony, pain and calamity turned togood use by practice of Steps. Difficulties of practice.Two-stepping. Switch to twelve-stepping and demon-strations of faith. Growing spiritually is the answer to ourproblems. Placing spiritual growth first. Domination andoverdependence. Putting our lives on give-and-take basis.Dependence upon God necessary to recovery of alco-holics. Practicing these principles in all our affairs: Do-mestic relations in A.A. Outlook upon material matterschanges. So do feelings about personal importance. In-stincts restored to true purpose. Understanding is key toright attitudes, right action key to good living.THE TWELVE TRADITIONSTradition One129Our common welfare should come first; personalrecovery depends upon A.A. unity.Without unity, A.A. dies. Individual liberty, yet great uni-ty. Key to paradox: each A.A.'s life depends on obedienceto spiritual principles. The group must survive or the indi-vidual will not. Common welfare comes first. How best tolive and work together as groups.Tradition Two132F or our group purpose there is but one ultimate 10CONTENTSauthoritya loving God as He may express Himself inour group conscience. Our leaders are but trustedservants; they do not govern.Where does A.A. get its direction? Sole authority in A.A.is loving God as He may express Himself in the groupconscience. Formation of a group. Growing pains. Rotat-ing committees are servants of the group. Leaders do notgovern, they serve. Does A.A. have a real leadership?Elder statesmen and bleeding deacons. The groupconscience speaks.Tradition Three139The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desireto stop drinking.Early intolerance based on fear. To take away any alco-holic's chance an A.A. was sometimes to pronounce hisdeath sentence. Membership regulations abandoned. Twoexamples of experience. Any alcoholic is a member ofA.A. when he says so.Tradition Four146Each group should be autonomous except in mattersaffecting other groups or A.A. as a whole.Every group manages its affairs as it pleases, except whenA.A. as a whole is threatened. Is such liberty dangerous?The group, like the individual, must eventually conformto principles that guarantee survival. Two storm signalsa group ought not do anything which would injure A.A. asa whole, nor affiliate itself with outside interests. An ex-ample: the A.A. Center that didn't work.Tradition Five150Each group has but one primary purposeto carrythe message to the alcoholic who still suffers.Better do one thing well than many badly. The life of ourFellowship depends on this principle. The ability of eachA.A. to identify himself with and bring recovery to the CONTENTS11newcomer is a gift from God . . . passing on this gift toothers is our one aim. Sobriety can't be kept unless it isgiven away.Tradition Six155An A.A. group ought never endorse, finance or lendthe A.A. name to any related facility or outsideenterprise, lest problems of money, property andprestige divert us from our primary purpose.Experience proved that we could not endorse any relatedenterprise, no matter how good. We could not be allthings to all men. We saw that we could not lend the A.A.name to any outside activity.Tradition Seven160Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting,declining outside contributions.No A.A. Tradition had the labor pains this one did. Col-lective poverty initially a matter of necessity. Fear of ex-ploitation. Necessity of separating the spiritual from thematerial. Decision to subsist on A.A. voluntary contribu-tions only. Placing the responsibility of supporting A.A.headquarters directly upon A.A. members. Bare runningexpenses plus a prudent reserve is headquarters policy.Tradition Eight166Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forevernonprofessional, but our service centers may employspecial workers.You can't mix the Twelfth Step and money. Line of cleav-age between voluntary Twelfth Step work and paid-forservices. A.A. could not function without full-time serviceworkers. Professional workers are not professional A.A.'s.Relation of A.A. to industry, education, etc. Twelfth Stepwork is never paid for, but those who labor in service forus are worthy of their hire. 12CONTENTSTradition Nine172A.A., as such, ought never be organized; but w e maycreate service boards or committees directlyresponsible to those they serve.Special service boards and committees. The General Ser-vice Conference, the board of trustees, and group commit-tees cannot issue directives to A.A. members or groups.A.A.'s can't be dictated toindividually or collectively.Absence of coercion works because unless each A.A. fol-lows suggested Steps to recovery, he signs his own deathwarrant. Same condition applies to the group. Sufferingand love are A.A.'s disciplinarians. Difference betweenspirit of authority and spirit of service. Aim of our ser-vices is to bring sobriety within reach of all who want it.Tradition Ten176Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outsideissues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn intopublic controversy.A.A. does not take sides in any public controversy. Reluc-tance to fight is not a special virtue. Survival and spreadof A.A. are our primary aims. Lessons learned fromWashingtonian movement.Tradition Eleven180Our public relations policy is based on attractionrather than promotion; we need always maintainpersonal anonymity at the level of press, radio andfilms.Public relations are important to A.A. Good public rela-tions save lives. We seek publicity for A.A. principles,not A.A. members. The press has cooperated. Personalanonymity at the public level is the cornerstone of ourpublic relations policy. Eleventh Tradition is a constantreminder that personal ambition has no place in A.A.Each member becomes an active guardian of our Fellow-ship. CONTENTS13Tradition Twelve184Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all ourtraditions, ever reminding us to place principles beforepersonalities.Spiritual substance of anonymity is sacrifice. Subordinat-ing personal aims to the common good is the essence ofall Twelve Traditions. Why A.A. could not remain a se-cret society. Principles come before personalities. Onehundred percent anonymity at the public level. Anonymi-ty is real humility.The Twelve Traditionsthe Long Form189  ForewordALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS is a worldwide fellow-ship of more than one hundred thousand* a l c o h o l ic menand women who are banded together to solve their com-mon problems and to help fellow sufferers in recovery fromthat age-old, baffling malady, alcoholism.This book deals with the Twelve Steps and theTwelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. It presentsan explicit view of the principles by which A.A. membersrecover and by which their Society functions.A.A.'s Twelve Steps are a group of principles, spiritualin their nature, which, if practiced as a way of life, can ex-pel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to becomehappily and usefully whole.A.A.'s Twelve Traditions apply to the life of the Fellow-ship itself. They outline the means by which A.A. maintainsits unity and relates itself to the world about it, the way itlives and grows.Though the essays which follow were written mainlyfor members, it is thought by many of A.A.'s friends thatthese pieces might arouse interest and find application out-side of A.A. itself.Many people, nonalcoholics, report that as a result ofthe practice of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, they have been able to*In 2003 it is estimated that over two million have recoveredthrough A.A.15 16FOREWORDmeet other difficulties of life. They think that the TwelveSteps can mean more than sobriety for problem drinkers.They see in them a way to happy and effective living formany, alcoholic or not.There is, too, a rising interest in the Twelve Traditionsof Alcoholics Anonymous. Students of human relations arebeginning to wonder how and why A.A. functions as a so-ciety. Why is it, they ask, that in A.A. no member can be setin personal authority over another, that nothing like a cen-tral government can anywhere be seen? How can a set oftraditional principles, having no legal force at all, hold theFellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous in unity and effec-tiveness? The second section of this volume, thoughdesigned for A.A.'s membership, will give such inquirers aninside view of A.A. never before possible.Alcoholics Anonymous began in 1935 in Akron, Ohio,as the outcome of a meeting between a well-known sur-geon and a New York broker. Both were severe cases ofalcoholism and were destined to become co-founders of theA.A. Fellowship.The basic principles of A.A., as they are known today,were borrowed mainly from the fields of religion andmedicine, though some ideas upon which success finallydepended were the result of noting the behavior and needsof the Fellowship itself.After three years of trial and error in selecting the mostworkable tenets upon which the Society could be based,and after a large amount of failure in getting alcoholics torecover, three successful groups emergedthe first atAkron, the second in New York, and the third at Cleveland. FOREWORD17Even then it was hard to find twoscore of sure recoveries inall three groups.Nevertheless, the infant Society determined to set downits experience in a book which finally reached the public inApril 1939. At this time the recoveries numbered about onehundred. The book was called Alcoholics Anonymousand from it the Fellowship took its name. In it alcoholismwas described from the alcoholic's view, the spiritual ideaof the Society was codified for the first time in the TwelveSteps, and the application of these Steps to the alcoholic'sdilemma was made clear. The remainder of the book wasdevoted to thirty stories or case histories in which the alco-holics described their drinking experiences and recoveries.This established identification with alcoholic readers andproved to them that the virtually impossible had becomepossible. The book Alcoholics Anonymous became thebasic text of the Fellowship, and it still is. This present vol-ume proposes to broaden and deepen the understanding ofthe Twelve Steps as first written in the earlier work.With the publication of the book Alcoholics Anony-mous in 1939, the pioneering period ended and aprodigious chain reaction set in as recovered alcoholics car-ried their message to still others. In the next yearsalcoholics flocked to A.A. by tens of thousands, largely asthe result of excellent and continuous publicity freely givenby magazines and newspapers throughout the world. Cler-gymen and doctors alike rallied to the new movement,giving it unstinted support and endorsement.This startling expansion brought with it very severegrowing pains. Proof that alcoholics could recover had 18FOREWORDbeen made. But it was by no means sure that such greatnumbers of yet erratic people could live and work togetherwith harmony and good effect.Everywhere there arose threatening questions of mem-bership, money, personal relations, public relations,management of groups, clubs, and scores of other perplexi-ties. It was out of this vast welter of explosive experiencesthat A.A.'s Twelve Traditions took form and were first pub-lished in 1946 and later confirmed at A.A.'s FirstInternational Convention held at Cleveland in 1950. TheTradition section of this volume portrays in some detail theexperience which finally produced the Twelve Traditionsand so gave A.A. its present form, substance, and unity.As A.A. now enters maturity, it has begun to reach intoforty foreign lands.* In the view of its friends, this is but thebeginning of its unique and valuable service.It is hoped that this volume will afford all who read it aclose-up view of the principles and forces which have madeAlcoholics Anonymous what it is.(A.A.'s General Service Office may be reached by writing:Alcoholics Anonymous, P.O. Box 459,Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10163, U.S.A.) *In 2003, A.A. is established in approximately 150 countries. THE TWELVE STEPS  Step OneW e admitted w e w ere pow erless over alco-holthat our lives had become unmanage-able.WHO cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one,of course. Every natural instinct cries out against the idea ofpersonal powerlessness. It is truly awful to admit that, glassin hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsessionfor destructive drinking that only an act of providence canremove it from us.No other kind of bankruptcy is like this one. Alcohol,now become the rapacious creditor, bleeds us of all self-sufficiency and all will to resist its demands. Once this starkfact is accepted, our bankruptcy as going human concernsis complete. But upon entering A.A. we soon take quite anotherview of this absolute humiliation. We perceive that onlythrough utter defeat are we able to take our first steps to-ward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personalpowerlessness finally turn out to be firm bedrock uponwhich happy and purposeful lives may be built.We know that little good can come to any alcoholicwho joins A.A. unless he has first accepted his devastatingweakness and all its consequences. Until he so humbleshimself, his sobrietyif anywill be precarious. Of realhappiness he will find none at all. Proved beyond doubt byan immense experience, this is one of the facts of A.A. life.21 22STEP ONEThe principle that we shall find no enduring strength untilwe first admit complete defeat is the main taproot fromwhich our whole Society has sprung and flowered.When first challenged to admit defeat, most of us re-volted. We had approached A.A. expecting to be taughtself-confidence. Then we had been told that so far as alco-hol is concerned, self-confidence was no good whatever; infact, it was a total liability. Our sponsors declared that wewere the victims of a mental obsession so subtly powerfulthat no amount of human willpower could break it. Therewas, they said, no such thing as the personal conquest ofthis compulsion by the unaided will. Relentlessly deepen-ing our dilemma, our sponsors pointed out our increasingsensitivity to alcoholan allergy, they called it. The tyrantalcohol wielded a double-edged sword over us: first wewere smitten by an insane urge that condemned us to go ondrinking, and then by an allergy of the body that insured wewould ultimately destroy ourselves in the process. Few in-deed were those who, so assailed, had ever won through insinglehanded combat. It was a statistical fact that alcoholicsalmost never recovered on their own resources. And thishad been true, apparently, ever since man had first crushedgrapes.In A.A.'s pioneering time, none but the most desperatecases could swallow and digest this unpalatable truth. Eventhese last-gaspers often had difficulty in realizing howhopeless they actually were. But a few did, and when theselaid hold of A.A. principles with all the fervor with whichthe drowning seize life preservers, they almost invariablygot well. That is why the first edition of the book Alco- STEP ONE23holics Anonymous, pub l i s h ed wh en our m em b ers h i p wassmall, dealt with low-bottom cases only. Many less desper-ate alcoholics tried A.A., but did not succeed because theycould not make the admission of hopelessness.It is a tremendous satisfaction to record that in the fol-lowing years this changed. Alcoholics who still had theirhealth, their families, their jobs, and even two cars in thegarage, began to recognize their alcoholism. As this trendgrew, they were joined by young people who were scarcelymore than potential alcoholics. They were spared that lastten or fifteen years of literal hell the rest of us had gonethrough. Since Step One requires an admission that ourlives have become unmanageable, how could people suchas these take this Step?It was obviously necessary to raise the bottom the restof us had hit to the point where it would hit them. By goingback in our own drinking histories, we could show thatyears before we realized it we were out of control, that ourdrinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeedthe beginning of a fatal progression. To the doubters wecould say, Perhaps you're not an alcoholic after all. Whydon't you try some more controlled drinking, bearing inmind meanwhile what we have told you aboutalcoholism? Th i s atti tude b rough t i m m edi ate an d practi calresults. It was then discovered that when one alcoholic hadplanted in the mind of another the true nature of his malady,that person could never be the same again. Following everyspree, he would say to himself, M ay b e th os e A .A .' s wereright . . . A f ter a f ew s uch ex peri en ces , of ten y ears b ef orethe onset of extreme difficulties, he would return to us con- 24STEP ONEvinced. He had hit bottom as truly as any of us. John Barl-eycorn himself had become our best advocate.Why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottomfirst? The answer is that few people will sincerely try topractice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom. Forpracticing A.A.'s remaining eleven Steps means the adop-tion of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic who isstill drinking can dream of taking. Who wishes to be rigor-ously honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess his faultsto another and make restitution for harm done? Who caresanything about a Higher Power, let alone meditation andprayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and energy in trying tocarry A.A.'s message to the next sufferer? No, the averagealcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn't care for thisprospectunless he has to do these things in order to stayalive himself.Under the lash of alcoholism, we are driven to A.A.,and there we discover the fatal nature of our situation.Then, and only then, do we become as open-minded toconviction and as willing to listen as the dying can be. Westand ready to do anything which will lift the merciless ob-session from us. Step TwoCame to believe that a P ow er greater thanourselves could restore us to sanity.THE moment they read Step Two, most A.A. newcomersare confronted with a dilemma, sometimes a serious one.How often have we heard them cry out, Look what youpeople have done to us! You have convinced us that we arealcoholics and that our lives are unmanageable. Having re-duced us to a state of absolute helplessness, you nowdeclare that none but a Higher Power can remove our ob-session. Some of us won't believe in God, others can't, andstill others who do believe that God exists have no faithwhatever He will perform this miracle. Yes, you've got usover the barrel, all rightbut where do we go from here?Let's look first at the case of the one who says he won'tbelievethe belligerent one. He is in a state of mind whichcan be described only as savage. His whole philosophy oflife, in which he so gloried, is threatened. It's bad enough,he thinks, to admit alcohol has him down for keeps. Butnow, still smarting from that admission, he is faced withsomething really impossible. How he does cherish thethought that man, risen so majestically from a single cell inthe primordial ooze, is the spearhead of evolution andtherefore the only god that his universe knows! Must he re-nounce all this to save himself?25 26STEP TWOAt this juncture, his A.A, sponsor usually laughs. This,the newcomer thinks, is just about the last straw. This is thebeginning of the end. And so it is: the beginning of the endof his old life, and the beginning of his emergence into anew one. His sponsor probably says, Take it easy. Thehoop you have to jump through is a lot wider than youthink. At least I've found it so. So did a friend of mine whowas a one-time vice-president of the American Atheist So-ciety, but he got through with room to spare.Well, says the newcomer, I know you're telling methe truth. It's no doubt a fact that A.A, is full of people whoonce believed as I do. But just how, in these circumstances,does a fellow 'take it easy'? That's what I want to know.Th at, agrees th e s pon s or, is a very good question in-deed. I think I can tell you exactly how to relax. You won'thave to work at it very hard, either. Listen, if you will, tothese three statements. First, Alcoholics Anonymous doesnot demand that you believe anything. All of its TwelveSteps are but suggestions. Second, to get sober and to staysober, you don't have to swallow all of Step Two right now.Looking back, I find that I took it piecemeal myself. Third,all you really need is a truly open mind. Just resign from thedebating society and quit bothering yourself with such deepquestions as whether it was the hen or the egg that camefirst. Again I say, all you need is the open mind.The sponsor continues, Take, for example, my owncase. I had a scientific schooling. Naturally I respected,venerated, even worshiped science. As a matter of fact, Istill doall except the worship part. Time after time, myinstructors held up to me the basic principle of all scientific STEP TWO27progress: search and research, again and again, always withthe open mind. When I first looked at A.A., my reactionwas just like yours. This A.A, business, I thought, is totallyunscientific. This I can't swallow. I simply won't considersuch nonsense.Th en I woke up. I h ad to adm i t th at A .A , s h owed re-sults, prodigious results. I saw that my attitude regardingthese had been anything but scientific. It wasn't A.A, thathad the closed mind, it was me. The minute I stopped argu-ing, I could begin to see and feel. Right there, Step Twogently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can'tsay upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believein a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that be-lief now. To acquire it, I had only to stop fighting andpractice the rest of A.A.'s program as enthusiastically as Icould.Th i s i s on l y on e m an ' s opi n i on b as ed on h i s own ex pe-rience, of course. I must quickly assure you that A.A.'stread innumerable paths in their quest for faith. If you don'tcare for the one I've suggested, you'll be sure to discoverone that suits if only you look and listen. Many a man likeyou has begun to solve the problem by the method of sub-stitution. You can, if you wish, make A.A., itself your'higher power.' Here's a very large group of people whohave solved their alcohol problem. In this respect they arecertainly a power greater than you, who have not evencome close to a solution. Surely you can have faith in them.Even this minimum of faith will be enough. You will findmany members who have crossed the threshold just thisway. All of them will tell you that, once across, their faith 28STEP TWObroadened and deepened. Relieved of the alcohol obses-sion, their lives unaccountably transformed, they came tobelieve in a Higher Power, and most of them began to talkof God.Consider next the plight of those who once had faith,but have lost it. There will be those who have drifted intoindifference, those filled with self-sufficiency who have cutthemselves off, those who have become prejudiced againstreligion, and those who are downright defiant because Godhas failed to fulfill their demands. Can A.A, experience tellall these they may still find a faith that works?Sometimes A.A, comes harder to those who have lostor rejected faith than to those who never had any faith at all,for they think they have tried faith and found it wanting.They have tried the way of faith and the way of no faith.Since both ways have proved bitterly disappointing, theyhave concluded there is no place whatever for them to go.The roadblocks of indifference, fancied self-sufficiency,prejudice, and defiance often prove more solid andformidable for these people than any erected by the uncon-vinced agnostic or even the militant atheist. Religion saysthe existence of God can be proved; the agnostic says itcan't be proved; and the atheist claims proof of the nonexis-tence of God. Obviously, the dilemma of the wandererfrom faith is that of profound confusion. He thinks himselflost to the comfort of any conviction at all. He cannot attainin even a small degree the assurance of the believer, the ag-nostic, or the atheist. He is the bewildered one.Any number of A.A.'s can say to the drifter, Yes, wewere diverted from our childhood faith, too. The overconfi- STEP TWO29dence of youth was too much for us. Of course, we wereglad that good home and religious training had given uscertain values. We were still sure that we ought to be fairlyhonest, tolerant, and just, that we ought to be ambitious andhardworking. We became convinced that such simple rulesof fair play and decency would be enough.As material success founded upon no more than theseordinary attributes began to come to us, we felt we werewinning at the game of life. This was exhilarating, and itmade us happy. Why should we be bothered with theologi-cal abstractions and religious duties, or with the state of oursouls here or hereafter? The here and now was goodenough for us. The will to win would carry us through. Butthen alcohol began to have its way with us. Finally, whenall our score cards read 'zero,' and we saw that one morestrike would put us out of the game forever, we had to lookfor our lost faith. It was in A.A, that we rediscovered it. Andso can you.Now we come to another kind of problem: the intellec-tually self-sufficient man or woman. To these, many A.A.'scan say, Yes, we were like youfar too smart for our owngood. We loved to have people call us precocious. We usedour education to blow ourselves up into prideful balloons,though we were careful to hide this from others. Secretly,we felt we could float above the rest of the folks on ourbrainpower alone. Scientific progress told us there wasnothing man couldn't do. Knowledge was all-powerful. In-tellect could conquer nature. Since we were brighter thanmost folks (so we thought), the spoils of victory would beours for the thinking. The god of intellect displaced the God 30STEP TWOof our fathers. But again John Barleycorn had other ideas.We who had won so handsomely in a walk turned into all-time losers. We saw that we had to reconsider or die. Wefound many in A.A, who once thought as we did. Theyhelped us to get down to our right size. By their examplethey showed us that humility and intellect could be compat-ible, provided we placed humility first. When we began todo that, we received the gift of faith, a faith which works.This faith is for you, too.Another crowd of A.A.'s says: We were plumb dis-gusted with religion and all its works. The Bible, we said,was full of nonsense; we could cite it chapter and verse, andwe couldn't see the Beatitudes for the 'begats.' In spots itsmorality was impossibly good; in others it seemed impossi-bly bad. But it was the morality of the religioniststhemselves that really got us down. We gloated over thehypocrisy, bigotry, and crushing self-righteousness thatclung to so many 'believers' even in their Sunday best. Howwe loved to shout the damaging fact that millions of the'good men of religion' were still killing one another off inthe name of God. This all meant, of course, that we hadsubstituted negative for positive thinking. After we came toA.A., we had to recognize that this trait had been an ego-feeding proposition. In belaboring the sins of some reli-gious people, we could feel superior to all of them.Moreover, we could avoid looking at some of our ownshortcomings. Self-righteousness, the very thing that wehad contemptuously condemned in others, was our own be-setting evil. This phony form of respectability was ourundoing, so far as faith was concerned. But finally, driven STEP TWO31to A.A., we learned better.As psychiatrists have often observed, defiance is theoutstanding characteristic of many an alcoholic. So it's notstrange that lots of us have had our day at defying GodHimself. Sometimes it's because God has not delivered usthe good things of life which we specified, as a greedy childm makes an impossible list for Santa Claus. More often,though, we had met up with some major calamity, and toour way of thinking lost out because God deserted us. Thegirl we wanted to marry had other notions; we prayed Godthat she'd change her mind, but she didn't. We prayed forhealthy children, and were presented with sick ones, ornone at all. We prayed for promotions at business, and nonecame. Loved ones, upon whom we heartily depended, weretaken from us by so-called acts of God. Then we becamedrunkards, and asked God to stop that. But nothing hap-pened. This was the unkindest cut of all. 'Damn this faithbusiness!' we said.W h en we en coun tered A .A ,, th e f al l acy of our defi-ance was revealed. At no time had we asked what God'swill was for us; instead we had been telling Him what itought to be. No man, we saw, could believe in God anddefy Him, too. Belief meant reliance, not; defiance. In A.A,we saw the fruits of this belief: men and women sparedfrom alcohol's final catastrophe. We saw them meet andtranscend their other pains and trials. We saw them calmlyaccept impossible situations, seeking neither to run nor torecriminate. This was not only faith; it was faith thatworked under all conditions. We soon concluded that what-ever price in humility we must pay, we would pay. 32STEP TWONow let's take the guy full of faith, but still reeking ofalcohol. He believes he is devout. His religious observanceis scrupulous. He's sure he still believes in God, but sus-pects that God doesn't believe in him. He takes pledges andmore pledges. Following each, he not only drinks again, butacts worse than the last time. Valiantly he tries to fight alco-hol, imploring God's help, but the help doesn't come. What,then, can be the matter?To clergymen, doctors, friends, and families, the alco-holic who means well and tries hard is a heartbreakingriddle. To most A.A.'s, he is not. There are too many of uswho have been just like him, and have found the riddle'sanswer. This answer has to do with the quality of faithrather than its quantity. This has been our blind spot. Wesupposed we had humility when really we hadn't. We sup-posed we had been serious about religious practices when,upon honest appraisal, we found we had been only superfi-cial. Or, going to the other extreme, we had wallowed inemotionalism and had mistaken it for true religious feeling.In both cases, we had been asking something for nothing.The fact was we really hadn't cleaned house so that thegrace of God could enter us and expel the obsession. In nodeep or meaningful sense had we ever taken stock of our-selves, made amends to those we had harmed, or freelygiven to any other human being without any demand for re-ward. We had not even prayed rightly. We had always said,Gran t m e m y wi s h es instead of Th y wi l l b e don e. Th elove of God and man we understood not at all. Thereforewe remained self-deceived, and so incapable of receivingenough grace to restore us to sanity. STEP TWO33Few indeed are the practicing alcoholics who have anyidea how irrational they are, or seeing their irrationality, canbear to face it. Some will be willing to term themselvesprob l em drinkers, but cannot endure the suggestion thatthey are in fact mentally ill. They are abetted in this blind-ness by a world which does not understand the differencebetween sane drinking and alcoholism. Sanity is definedas soundness of mind. Yet no alcoholic, soberly analyz-ing his destructive behavior, whether the destruction fell onthe dining-room furniture or his own moral fiber, can claimsoundness of mind for himself.Therefore, Step Two is the rallying point for all of us.Whether agnostic, atheist, or former believer, we can standtogether on this Step. True humility and an open mind canlead us to faith, and every A.A, meeting is an assurance thatGod will restore us to sanity if we rightly relate ourselves toHim. Step ThreeMade a decision to turn our w ill and ourlives over to the care of God, as we under-stood Him.PRACTICING S tep Three is like the opening of a doorwhich to all appearances is still closed and locked. All weneed is a key, and the decision to swing the door open.There is only one key, and it is called willingness. Once un-locked by willingness, the door opens almost of itself, andlooking through it, we shall see a pathway beside which isan inscription. It reads: Th i s i s th e way to a f ai th th atworks. In the first two Steps we were engaged in reflec-tion. We saw that we were powerless over alcohol, but wealso perceived that faith of some kind, if only in A.A. itself,is possible to anyone. These conclusions did not require ac-tion; they required only acceptance.Like all the remaining Steps, Step Three calls for affir-mative action, for it is only by action that we can cut awaythe self-will which has always blocked the entry of Godor, if you like, a Higher Powerinto our lives. Faith, to besure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing. We canhave faith, yet keep God out of our lives. Therefore ourproblem now becomes just how and by what specificmeans shall we be able to let Him in? Step Three representsour first attempt to do this. In fact, the effectiveness of thewhole A.A. program will rest upon how well and earnestlywe have tried to come to a decision to turn our will and34 STEP THREE35our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.To every worldly and practical-minded beginner, thisStep looks hard, even impossible. No matter how much onewishes to try, exactly how can he turn his own will and hisown life over to the care of whatever God he thinks thereis? Fortunately, we who have tried it, and with equal mis-givings, can testify that anyone, anyone at all, can begin todo it. We can further add that a beginning, even the small-est, is all that is needed. Once we have placed the key ofwillingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightlyopen, we find that we can always open it some more.Though self-will may slam it shut again, as it frequentlydoes, it will always respond the moment we again pick upthe key of willingness.Maybe this all sounds mysterious and remote, some-thing like Einstein's theory of relativity or a proposition innuclear physics. It isn't at all. Let's look at how practical itactually is. Every man and woman who has joined A.A.and intends to stick has, without realizing it, made a begin-ning on Step Three. Isn't it true that in all matters touchingupon alcohol, each of them has decided to turn his or herlife over to the care, protection, and guidance of AlcoholicsAnonymous? Already a willingness has been achieved tocast out one's own will and one's own ideas about the alco-hol problem in favor of those suggested by A.A. Anywilling newcomer feels sure A.A. is the only safe harbor forthe foundering vessel he has become. Now if this is notturning one's will and life over to a newfound Providence,then what is it?But suppose that instinct still cries out, as it certainly 36STEP THREEwill, Yes, respecting alcohol, I guess I have to be depen-dent upon A.A., but in all other matters I must still maintainmy independence. Nothing is going to turn me into anonentity. If I keep on turning my life and my will over tothe care of Something or Somebody else, what will becomeof me? I'll look like the hole in the doughnut. This, ofcourse, is the process by which instinct and logic alwaysseek to bolster egotism, and so frustrate spiritual develop-ment. The trouble is that this kind of thinking takes no realaccount of the facts. And the facts seem to be these: Themore we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power,the more independent we actually are. Therefore depen-dence, as A.A. practices it, is really a means of gaining trueindependence of the spirit.Let's examine for a moment this idea of dependence atthe level of everyday living. In this area it is startling to dis-cover how dependent we really are, and how unconsciousof that dependence. Every modern house has electric wiringcarrying power and light to its interior. We are delightedwith this dependence; our main hope is that nothing willever cut off the supply of current. By so accepting our de-pendence upon this marvel of science, we find ourselvesmore independent personally. Not only are we more inde-pendent, we are even more comfortable and secure. Powerflows just where it is needed. Silently and surely, electricity,that strange energy so few people understand, meets oursimplest daily needs, and our most desperate ones, too. Askthe polio sufferer confined to an iron lung who dependswith complete trust upon a motor to keep the breath of lifein him. STEP THREE37But the moment our mental or emotional independenceis in question, how differently we behave. How persistentlywe claim the right to decide all by ourselves just what weshall think and just how we shall act. Oh yes, we'll weighthe pros and cons of every problem. We'll listen politely tothose who would advise us, but all the decisions are to beours alone. Nobody is going to meddle with our personalindependence in such matters. Besides, we think, there isno one we can surely trust. We are certain that our intelli-gence, backed by willpower, can rightly control our innerlives and guarantee us success in the world we live in. Thisbrave philosophy, wherein each man plays God, soundsgood in the speaking, but it still has to meet the acid test:how well does it actually work? One good look in the mir-ror ought to be answer enough for any alcoholic.Should his own image in the mirror be too awful tocontemplate (and it usually is), he might first take a look atthe results normal people are getting from self-sufficiency.Everywhere he sees people filled with anger and fear, soci-ety breaking up into warring fragments. Each fragment saysto the others, We are right and you are wrong. Every suchpressure group, if it is strong enough, self-righteously im-poses its will upon the rest. And everywhere the same thingis being done on an individual basis. The sum of all thismighty effort is less peace and less brotherhood than be-fore. The philosophy of self-sufficiency is not paying off.Plainly enough, it is a bone-crushing juggernaut whose fi-nal achievement is ruin.Therefore, we who are alcoholics can consider our-selves fortunate indeed. Each of us has had his own near- 38STEP THREEfatal encounter with the juggernaut of self-will, and has suf-fered enough under its weight to be willing to look forsomething better. So it is by circumstance rather than byany virtue that we have been driven to A.A., have admitteddefeat, have acquired the rudiments of faith, and now wantto make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to aHigher Power.We realize that the word dependence is as distastefulto many psychiatrists and psychologists as it is to alco-holics. Like our professional friends, we, too, are aware thatthere are wrong forms of dependence. We have experi-enced many of them. No adult man or woman, forexample, should be in too much emotional dependenceupon a parent. They should have been weaned long before,and if they have not been, they should wake up to the fact.This very form of faulty dependence has caused many a re-bellious alcoholic to conclude that dependence of any sortmust be intolerably damaging. But dependence upon anA.A. group or upon a Higher Power hasn't produced anybaleful results.When World War II broke out, this spiritual principlehad its first major test. A.A.'s entered the services and werescattered all over the world. Would they be able to take dis-cipline, stand up under fire, and endure the monotony andmisery of war? Would the kind of dependence they hadlearned in A.A. carry them through? Well, it did. They hadeven fewer alcoholic lapses or emotional binges than A.A.'ssafe at home did. They were just as capable of enduranceand valor as any other soldiers. Whether in Alaska or on theSalerno beachhead, their dependence upon a Higher Power STEP THREE39worked. And far from being a weakness, this dependencewas their chief source of strength.So how, exactly, can the willing person continue to turnhis will and his life over to the Higher Power? He made abeginning, we have seen, when he commenced to rely uponA.A. for the solution of his alcohol problem. By now,though, the chances are that he has become convinced thathe has more problems than alcohol, and that some of theserefuse to be solved by all the sheer personal determinationand courage he can muster. They simply will not budge;they make him desperately unhappy and threaten his new-found sobriety. Our friend is still victimized by remorse andguilt when he thinks of yesterday. Bitterness still overpow-ers him when he broods upon those he still envies or hates.His financial insecurity worries him sick, and panic takesover when he thinks of all the bridges to safety that alcoholburned behind him. And how shall he ever straighten outthat awful jam that cost him the affection of his family andseparated him from them? His lone courage and unaidedwill cannot do it. Surely he must now depend upon Some-body or Something else.At first that somebody is likely to be his closest A.A.friend. He relies upon the assurance that his many troubles,now made more acute because he cannot use alcohol to killthe pain, can be solved, too. Of course the sponsor pointsout that our friend's life is still unmanageable even thoughhe is sober, that after all, only a bare start on A.A.'s programhas been made. More sobriety brought about by the admis-sion of alcoholism and by attendance at a few meetings isvery good indeed, but it is bound to be a far cry from per- 40STEP THREEmanent sobriety and a contented, useful life. That is justwhere the remaining Steps of the A.A. program come in.Nothing short of continuous action upon these as a way oflife can bring the much-desired result.Then it is explained that other Steps of the A.A. pro-gram can be practiced with success only when Step Threeis given a determined and persistent trial. This statementmay surprise newcomers who have experienced nothingbut constant deflation and a growing conviction that humanwill is of no value whatever. They have become persuaded,and rightly so, that many problems besides alcohol will notyield to a headlong assault powered by the individual alone.But now it appears that there are certain things which onlythe individual can do. A11 by himself, and in the light of hisown circumstances, he needs to develop the quality of will-ingness. When he acquires willingness, he is the only onewho can make the decision to exert himself. Trying to dothis is an act of his own will. All of the Twelve Steps re-quire sustained and personal exertion to conform to theirprinciples and so, we trust, to God's will.It is when we try to make our will conform with God'sthat we begin to use it rightly. To all of us, this was a mostwonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the mis-use of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problemswith it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement withGod's intention for us. To make this increasingly possible isthe purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opensthe door.Once we have come into agreement with these ideas, itis really easy to begin the practice of Step Three. In all STEP THREE41times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause,ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: God gran t m ethe serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage tochange the things I can, and wisdom to know the differ-ence. Thy will, not mine, be done. Step FourMade a searching and fearless moral in-ventory of ourselves.CREATION g a ve us instincts for a purpose. Withoutthem we wouldn't be complete human beings. If men andwomen didn't exert themselves to be secure in their per-sons, made no effort to harvest food or construct shelter,there would be no survival. If they didn't reproduce, theearth wouldn't be populated. If there were no social instinct,if men cared nothing for the society of one another, therewould be no society. So these desiresfor the sex relation,for material and emotional security, and for companionshipare perfectly necessary and right, and surely God-given.Yet these instincts, so necessary for our existence, oftenfar exceed their proper functions. Powerfully, blindly, manytimes subtly, they drive us, dominate us, and insist uponruling our lives. Our desires for sex, for material and emo-tional security, and for an important place in society oftentyrannize us. When thus out of joint, man's natural desirescause him great trouble, practically all the trouble there is.No human being, however good, is exempt from thesetroubles. Nearly every serious emotional problem can beseen as a case of misdirected instinct. When that happens,our great natural assets, the instincts, have turned into phys-ical and mental liabilities.Step Four is our vigorous and painstaking effort to dis-cover what these liabilities in each of us have been, and are.42 STEP FOUR43We want to find exactly how, when, and where our naturaldesires have warped us. We wish to look squarely at the un-happiness this has caused others and ourselves. Bydiscovering what our emotional deformities are, we canmove toward their correction. Without a willing and persis-tent effort to do this, there can be little sobriety orcontentment for us. Without a searching and fearless moralinventory, most of us have found that the faith which reallyworks in daily living is still out of reach.Before tackling the inventory problem in detail, let'shave a closer look at what the basic problem is. Simple ex-amples like the following take on a world of meaning whenwe think about them. Suppose a person places sex desireahead of everything else. In such a case, this imperious urgecan destroy his chances for material and emotional securityas well as his standing in the community. Another may de-velop such an obsession for financial security that he wantsto do nothing but hoard money. Going to the extreme, hecan become a miser, or even a recluse who denies himselfboth family and friends.Nor is the quest for security always expressed in termsof money. How frequently we see a frightened human be-ing determined to depend completely upon a strongerperson for guidance and protection. This weak one, failingto meet life's responsibilities with his own resources, nevergrows up. Disillusionment and helplessness are his lot. Intime all his protectors either flee or die, and he is once moreleft alone and afraid.We have also seen men and women who go power-mad, who devote themselves to attempting to rule their fel- 44STEP FOURlows. These people often throw to the winds every chancefor legitimate security and a happy family life. Whenever ahuman being becomes a battleground for the instincts, therecan be no peace.But that is not all of the danger. Every time a person im-poses his instincts unreasonably upon others, unhappinessfollows. If the pursuit of wealth tramples upon people whohappen to be in the way, then anger, jealousy, and revengeare likely to be aroused. If sex runs riot, there is a similaruproar. Demands made upon other people for too much at-tention, protection, and love can only invite domination orrevulsion in the protectors themselvestwo emotions quiteas unhealthy as the demands which evoked them. When anindividual's desire for prestige becomes uncontrollable,whether in the sewing circle or at the international confer-ence table, other people suffer and often revolt. Thiscollision of instincts can produce anything from a cold snubt to a blazing revolution. In these ways we are set in conflictnot only with ourselves, but with other people who have in-stincts, too.Alcoholics especially should be able to see that instinctrun wild in themselves is the underlying cause of their de-structive drinking. We have drunk to drown feelings of fear,frustration, and depression. We have drunk to escape theguilt of passions, and then have drunk again to make morepassions possible. We have drunk for vainglorythat wemight the more enjoy foolish dreams of pomp and power.This perverse soul-sickness is not pleasant to look upon. In-stincts on rampage balk at investigation. The minute wemake a serious attempt to probe them, we are liable to suf- STEP FOUR45fer severe reactions.If temperamentally we are on the depressive side, weare apt to be swamped with guilt and self-loathing. We wal-low in this messy bog, often getting a misshapen andpainful pleasure out of it. As we morbidly pursue thismelancholy activity, we may sink to such a point of despairthat nothing but oblivion looks possible as a solution. Here,of course, we have lost all perspective, and therefore allgenuine humility. For this is pride in reverse. This is not amoral inventory at all; it is the very process by which thedepressive has so often been led to the bottle and extinction.If, however, our natural disposition is inclined to self-righteousness or grandiosity, our reaction will be just theopposite. We will be offended at A.A.'s suggested invento-ry. No doubt we shall point with pride to the good lives wethought we led before the bottle cut us down. We shallclaim that our serious character defects, if we think we haveany at all, have been caused chiefly by excessive drinking.This being so, we think it logically follows that sobrietyfirst, last, and all the timeis the only thing we need towork for. We believe that our one-time good characters willbe revived the moment we quit alcohol. If we were prettynice people all along, except for our drinking, what need isthere for a moral inventory now that we are sober?We also clutch at another wonderful excuse for avoid-ing an inventory. Our present anxieties and troubles, we cry,are caused by the behavior of other peoplepeople whoreally n e ed a moral inventory. We firmly believe that ifonly they'd treat us better, we'd be all right. Therefore wethink our indignation is justified and reasonablethat our 46STEP FOURresentments are the right kind. We aren't the guilty ones.They are!At this stage of the inventory proceedings, our sponsorscome to the rescue. They can do this, for they are the carri-ers of A.A.'s tested experience with Step Four. Theycomfort the melancholy one by first showing him that hiscase is not strange or different, that his character defects areprobably not more numerous or worse than those of anyoneelse in A.A. This the sponsor promptly proves by talkingfreely and easily, and without exhibitionism, about his owndefects, past and present. This calm, yet realistic, stocktak-ing is immensely reassuring. The sponsor probably pointsout that the newcomer has some assets which can be notedalong with his liabilities. This tends to clear away morbidityand encourage balance. As soon as he begins to be moreobjective, the newcomer can fearlessly, rather than fearful-ly, look at his own defects.The sponsors of those who feel they need no inventoryare confronted with quite another problem. This is becausepeople who are driven by pride of self unconsciously blindthemselves to their liabilities. These newcomers scarcelyneed comforting. The problem is to help them discover achink in the walls their ego has built, through which thelight of reason can shine.First off, they can be told that the majority of A.A.members have suffered severely from self-justification dur-ing their drinking days. For most of us, self-justificationwas the maker of excuses; excuses, of course, for drinking,and for all kinds of crazy and damaging conduct. We hadmade the invention of alibis a fine art. We had to drink be- STEP FOUR47cause times were hard or times were good. We had to drinkbecause at home we were smothered with love or got noneat all. We had to drink because at work we were great suc-cesses or dismal failures. We had to drink because ournation had won a war or lost a peace. And so it went, ad in-finitum.We thought conditions drove us to drink, and whenwe tried to correct these conditions and found that wecouldn't to our entire satisfaction, our drinking went out ofhand and we became alcoholics. It never occurred to us thatwe needed to change ourselves to meet conditions, whatev-er they were.But in A.A. we slowly learned that something had to bedone about our vengeful resentments, self-pity, and unwar-ranted pride. We had to see that every time we played thebig shot, we turned people against us. We had to see thatwhen we harbored grudges and planned revenge for suchdefeats, we were really beating ourselves with the club ofanger we had intended to use on others. We learned that ifwe were seriously disturbed, our first need was to quiet thatdisturbance, regardless of who or what we thought causedit.To see how erratic emotions victimized us often took along time. We could perceive them quickly in others, butonly slowly in ourselves. First of all, we had to admit thatwe had many of these defects, even though such disclo-sures were painful and humiliating. Where other peoplewere concerned, we had to drop the word blame fromour speech and thought. This required great willingnesseven to begin. But once over the first two or three high hur- 48STEP FOURdles, the course ahead began to look easier. For we hadstarted to get perspective on ourselves, which is anotherway of saying that we were gaining in humility.Of course the depressive and the power-driver are per-sonality extremes, types with which A.A. and the wholeworld abound. Often these personalities are just as sharplydefined as the examples given. But just as often some of uswill fit more or less into both classifications. Human beingsare never quite alike, so each of us, when making an inven-tory, will need to determine what his individual characterdefects are. Having found the shoes that fit, he ought to stepinto them and walk with new confidence that he is at last onthe right track.Now let's ponder the need for a list of the more glaringpersonality defects all of us have in varying degrees. Tothose having religious training, such a list would set forthserious violations of moral principles. Some others willthink of this list as defects of character. Still others will callit an index of maladjustments. Some will become quite an-noyed if there is talk about immorality, let alone sin. But allwho are in the least reasonable will agree upon one point:that there is plenty wrong with us alcoholics about whichplenty will have to be done if we are to expect sobriety,progress, and any real ability to cope with life.To avoid falling into confusion over the names thesedefects should be called, let's take a universally recognizedlist of major human failingsthe Seven Deadly Sins ofpride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony, envy, and sloth. It is notby accident that pride heads the procession. For pride, lead-ing to self-justification, and always spurred by conscious or STEP FOUR49unconscious fears, is the basic breeder of most human diffi-culties, the chief block to true progress. Pride lures us intomaking demands upon ourselves or upon others which can-not be met without perverting or misusing our God-giveninstincts. When the satisfaction of our instincts for sex, se-curity, and society becomes the sole object of our lives,then pride steps in to justify our excesses.All these failings generate fear, a soul-sickness in itsown right. Then fear, in turn, generates more character de-fects. Unreasonable fear that our instincts will not besatisfied drives us to covet the possessions of others, to lustfor sex and power, to become angry when our instinctivedemands are threatened, to be envious when the ambitionsof others seem to be realized while ours are not. We eat,drink, and grab for more of everything than we need, fear-ing we shall never have enough. And with genuine alarm atthe prospect of work, we stay lazy. We loaf and procrasti-nate, or at best work grudgingly and under half steam.These fears are the termites that ceaselessly devour thefoundations of whatever sort of life we try to build.So when A.A. suggests a fearless moral inventory, itmust seem to every newcomer that more is being asked ofhim than he can do. Both his pride and his fear beat himback every time he tries to look within himself. Pride says,You need not pass this way, and Fear says, You dare notlook! But the testimony of A.A.'s who have really tried amoral inventory is that pride and fear of this sort turn out tobe bogeymen, nothing else. Once we have a complete will-ingness to take inventory, and exert ourselves to do the jobthoroughly, a wonderful light falls upon this foggy scene. 50STEP FOURAs we persist, a brand-new kind of confidence is born, andthe sense of relief at finally facing ourselves is indescrib-able. These are the first fruits of Step Four.By now the newcomer has probably arrived at the fol-lowing conclusions: that his character defects, representinginstincts gone astray, have been the primary cause of hisdrinking and his failure at life; that unless he is now willingto work hard at the elimination of the worst of these de-fects, both sobriety and peace of mind will still elude him;that all the faulty foundation of his life will have to be tornout and built anew on bedrock. Now willing to commencethe search for his own defects, he will ask, Just how do Igo about this? How do I take inventory of myself?Since Step Four is but the beginning of a lifetime prac-tice, it can be suggested that he first have a look at thosepersonal flaws which are acutely troublesome and fairlyobvious. Using his best judgment of what has been rightand what has been wrong, he might make a rough survey ofhis conduct with respect to his primary instincts for sex, se-curity, and society. Looking back over his life, he canreadily get under way by consideration of questions such asthese:When, and how, and in just what instances did my self-ish pursuit of the sex relation damage other people and me?What people were hurt, and how badly? Did I spoil mymarriage and injure my children? Did I jeopardize mystanding in the community? Just how did I react to thesesituations at the time? Did I burn with a guilt that nothingcould extinguish? Or did I insist that I was the pursued andnot the pursuer, and thus absolve myself? How have I re- STEP FOUR51acted to frustration in sexual matters? When denied, did Ibecome vengeful or depressed? Did I take it out on otherpeople? If there was rejection or coldness at home, did I usethis as a reason for promiscuity?Also of importance for most alcoholics are the ques-tions they must ask about their behavior respectingfinancial and emotional security. In these areas fear, greed,possessiveness, and pride have too often done their worst.Surveying his business or employment record, almost anyalcoholic can ask questions like these: In addition to mydrinking problem, what character defects contributed to myfinancial instability? Did fear and inferiority about my fit-ness for my job destroy my confidence and fill me withconflict? Did I try to cover up those feelings of inadequacyby bluffing, cheating, lying, or evading responsibility? Orby griping that others failed to recognize my truly excep-tional abilities? Did I overvalue myself and play the bigshot? Did I have such unprincipled ambition that I double-crossed and undercut my associates? Was I extravagant?Did I recklessly borrow money, caring little whether it wasrepaid or not? Was I a pinch penny, refusing to support myfamily properly? Did I cut corners financially? What aboutthe qui ck m on ey deals, the stock market, and the races?Businesswomen in A.A. will naturally find that many ofthese questions apply to them, too. But the alcoholic house-wife can also make the family financially insecure. She canjuggle charge accounts, manipulate the food budget, spendher afternoons gambling, and run her husband into debt byirresponsibility, waste, and extravagance.But all alcoholics who have drunk themselves out of 52STEP FOURjobs, family, and friends will need to cross-examine them-selves ruthlessly to determine how their own personalitydefects have thus demolished their security.The most common symptoms of emotional insecurityare worry, anger, self-pity, and depression. These stem fromcauses which sometimes seem to be within us, and at othert times to come from without. To take inventory in this re-spect we ought to consider carefully all personalrelationships which bring continuous or recurring trouble. Itshould be remembered that this kind of insecurity may arisein any area where instincts are threatened. Questioning di-rected to this end might run like this: Looking at both pastand present, what sex situations have caused me anxiety,bitterness, frustration, or depression? Appraising each situa-tion fairly, can I see where I have been at fault? Did theseperplexities beset me because of selfishness or unreason-able demands? Or, if my disturbance was seemingly causedby the behavior of others, why do I lack the ability to acceptconditions I cannot change? These are the sort of funda-mental inquiries that can disclose the source of mydiscomfort and indicate whether I may be able to alter myown conduct and so adjust myself serenely to self-disci-pline.Suppose that financial insecurity constantly arousesthese same feelings. I can ask myself to what extent havemy own mistakes fed my gnawing anxieties. And if the ac-tions of others are part of the cause, what can I do aboutthat? If I am unable to change the present state of affairs,am I willing to take the measures necessary to shape mylife to conditions as they are? Questions like these, more of STEP FOUR53which will come to mind easily in each individual case, willhelp turn up the root causes.But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends,and society at large that many of us have suffered the most.We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them.The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inabil-ity to form a true partnership with another human being.Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insistupon dominating the people we know, or we depend uponthem far too much. If we lean too heavily on people, theywill sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and can-not possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way ourinsecurity grows and festers. When we habitually try to ma-nipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, andresist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense ofpersecution, and a desire to retaliate. As we redouble our ef-forts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomesacute and constant. We have not once sought to be one in afamily, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker amongworkers, to be a useful member of society. Always we triedto struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it.This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relationwith any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we hadsmall comprehension.Some will object to many of the questions posed, be-cause they think their own character defects have not beenso glaring. To these it can be suggested that a conscientiousexamination is likely to reveal the very defects the objec-tionable questions are concerned with. Because our surfacerecord hasn't looked too bad, we have frequently been 54STEP FOURabashed to find that this is so simply because we haveburied these self same defects deep down in us under thicklayers of self-justification. Whatever the defects, they havefinally ambushed us into alcoholism and misery.Therefore, thoroughness ought to be the watchwordwhen taking inventory. In this connection, it is wise to writeout our questions and answers. It will be an aid to clearthinking and honest appraisal. It will be the first tangibleevidence of our complete willingness to move forward. Step FiveAdmitted to God, to ourselves, and to an-other human being the exact nature of ourwrongs.ALL OF A.A.'s Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to ournatural desires . . . they all deflate our egos. When it comesto ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take than Five. Butscarcely any Step is more necessary to longtime sobrietyand peace of mind than this one.A.A. experience has taught us we cannot live alonewith our pressing problems and the character defects whichcause or aggravate them. If we have swept the searchlightof Step Four back and forth over our careers, and it has re-vealed in stark relief those experiences we'd rather notremember, if we have come to know how wrong thinkingand action have hurt us and others, then the need to quit liv-ing by ourselves with those tormenting ghosts of yesterdaygets more urgent than ever. We have to talk to somebodyabout them.So intense, though, is our fear and reluctance to do this,that many A.A.'s at first try to bypass Step Five. We searchfor an easier waywhich usually consists of the generaland fairly painless admission that when drinking we weresometimes bad actors. Then, for good measure, we add dra-matic descriptions of that part of our drinking behaviorwhich our friends probably know about anyhow.But of the things which really bother and burn us, we55 56STEP FIVEsay nothing. Certain distressing or humiliating memories,we tell ourselves, ought not be shared with anyone. Thesewill remain our secret. Not a soul must ever know. We hopethey'll go to the grave with us.Yet if A.A.'s experience means anything at all, this isnot only unwise, but is actually a perilous resolve. Fewmuddled attitudes have caused us more trouble than hold-ing back on Step Five. Some people are unable to staysober at all; others will relapse periodically until they reallyclean house. Even A.A. old timers, sober for years, oftenpay dearly for skimping this Step. They will tell how theytried to carry the load alone; how much they suffered of ir-ritability, anxiety, remorse, and depression; and how,unconsciously seeking relief, they would sometimes accuseeven their best friends of the very character defects theythemselves were trying to conceal. They always discoveredthat relief never came by confessing the sins of other peo-ple. Everybody had to confess his own.This practice of admitting one's defects to another per-son is, of course, very ancient. It has been validated inevery century, and it characterizes the lives of all spirituallycentered and truly religious people. But today religion is byno means the sole advocate of this saving principle. Psychi-atrists and psychologists point out the deep need everyhuman being has for practical insight and knowledge of hisown personality flaws and for a discussion of them with anunderstanding and trustworthy person. So far as alcoholicsare concerned, A.A. would go even further. Most of uswould declare that without a fearless admission of our de-fects to another human being we could not stay sober. It STEP FIVE57seems plain that the grace of God will not enter to expel ourdestructive obsessions until we are willing to try this.What are we likely to receive from Step Five? For onething, we shall get rid of that terrible sense of isolationwe've always had. Almost without exception, alcoholics aretortured by loneliness. Even before our drinking got badand people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered thefeeling that we didn't quite belong. Either we were shy, anddared not draw near others, or we were apt to be noisy goodfellows craving attention and companionship, but nevergetting itat least to our way of thinking. There was al-ways that mysterious barrier we could neither surmount norunderstand. It was as if we were actors on a stage, suddenlyrealizing that we did not know a single line of our parts.That's one reason we loved alcohol too well. It did let us actextemporaneously. But even Bacchus boomeranged on us;we were finally struck down and left in terrified loneliness.When we reached A.A., and for the first time in ourlives stood among people who seemed to understand, thesense of belonging was tremendously exciting. We thoughtthe isolation problem had been solved. But we soon discov-ered that while we weren't alone any more in a social sense,we still suffered many of the old pangs of anxious apart-ness. Until we had talked with complete candor of ourconflicts, and had listened to someone else do the samething, we still didn't belong. Step Five was the answer. Itwas the beginning of true kinship with man and God.This vital Step was also the means by which we beganto get the feeling that we could be forgiven, no matter whatwe had thought or done. Often it was while working on this 58STEP FIVEStep with our sponsors or spiritual advisers that we first felttruly able to forgive others, no matter how deeply we feltthey had wronged us. Our moral inventory had persuadedus that all-round forgiveness was desirable, but it was onlywhen we resolutely tackled Step Five that we inwardlyknew we'd be able to receive forgiveness and give it, too.Another great dividend we may expect from confidingour defects to another human being is humilitya word of-ten misunderstood. To those who have made progress inA.A., it amounts to a clear recognition of what and who wereally are, followed by a sincere attempt to become whatwe could be. Therefore, our first practical move toward hu-mility must consist of recognizing our deficiencies. Nodefect can be corrected unless we clearly see what it is. Butwe shall have to do more than see. The objective look atourselves we achieved in Step Four was, after all, only alook. All of us saw, for example, that we lacked honestyand tolerance, that we were beset at times by attacks of self-pity or delusions of personal grandeur. But while this was ahumiliating experience, it didn't necessarily mean that wehad yet acquired much actual humility. Though now recog-nized, our defects were still there. Something had to bedone about them. And we soon found that we could notwish or will them away by ourselves.More realism and therefore more honesty about our-selves are the great gains we make under the influence ofStep Five. As we took inventory, we began to suspect howmuch trouble self-delusion had been causing us. This hadbrought a disturbing reflection. If all our lives we had moreor less fooled ourselves, how could we now be so sure that STEP FIVE59we weren't still self-deceived? How could we be certainthat we had made a true catalog of our defects and had real-ly admitted them, even to ourselves? Because we were stillbothered by fear, self-pity, and hurt feelings, it was probablewe couldn't appraise ourselves fairly at all. Too much guiltand remorse might cause us to dramatize and exaggerateour shortcomings. Or anger and hurt pride might be thesmoke screen under which we were hiding some of our de-fects while we blamed others for them. Possibly, too, wewere still handicapped by many liabilities, great and small,we never knew we had.Hence it was most evident that a solitary self-appraisal,and the admission of our defects based upon that alone,wouldn't be nearly enough. We'd have to have outside helpif we were surely to know and admit the truth about our-selvesthe help of God and another human being. Only bydiscussing ourselves, holding back nothing, only by beingwilling to take advice and accept direction could we set footon the road to straight thinking, solid honesty, and genuinehumility.Yet many of us still hung back. We said, W hy can't'God as we understand Him' tell us where we are astray? Ifthe Creator gave us our lives in the first place, then He mustknow in every detail where we have since gone wrong.Why don't we make our admissions to Him directly? Whydo we need to bring anyone else into this?At this stage, the difficulties of trying to deal rightlywith God by ourselves are twofold. Though we may at firstbe startled to realize that God knows all about us, we areapt to get used to that quite quickly. Somehow, being alone 60STEP FIVEwith God doesn't seem as embarrassing as facing up to an-other person. Until we actually sit down and talk aloudabout what we have so long hidden, our willingness toclean house is still largely theoretical. When we are honestwith another person, it confirms that we have been honestwith ourselves and with God.The second difficulty is this: what comes to us alonemay be garbled by our own rationalization and wishfulthinking. The benefit of talking to another person is that wecan get his direct comment and counsel on our situation,and there can be no doubt in our minds what that advice is.Going it alone in spiritual matters is dangerous. How manytimes have we heard well-intentioned people claim theguidance of God when it was all too plain that they weresorely mistaken. Lacking both practice and humility, theyhad deluded themselves and were able to justify the mostarrant nonsense on the ground that this was what God hadtold them. It is worth noting that people of very high spiri-tual development almost always insist on checking withfriends or spiritual advisers the guidance they feel they havereceived from God. Surely, then, a novice ought not layhimself open to the chance of making foolish, perhaps trag-ic, blunders in this fashion. While the comment or advice ofothers may be by no means infallible, it is likely to be farmore specific than any direct guidance we may receivewhile we are still so inexperienced in establishing contactwith a Power greater than ourselves.Our next problem will be to discover the person inwhom we are to confide. Here we ought to take much care,remembering that prudence is a virtue which carries a high STEP FIVE61rating. Perhaps we shall need to share with this person factsabout ourselves which no others ought to know. We shallwant to speak with someone who is experienced, who notonly has stayed dry but has been able to surmount other se-rious difficulties. Difficulties, perhaps, like our own. Thisperson may turn out to be one's sponsor, but not necessarilyso. If you have developed a high confidence in him, and histemperament and problems are close to your own, thensuch a choice will be good. Besides, your sponsor alreadyhas the advantage of knowing something about your case.Perhaps, though, your relation to him is such that youwould care to reveal only a part of your story. If this is thesituation, by all means do so, for you ought to make a be-ginning as soon as you can. It may turn out, however, thatyou'll choose someone else for the more difficult and deep-er revelations. This individual may be entirely outside ofA.A.for example, your clergyman or your doctor. Forsome of us, a complete stranger may prove the best bet.The real tests of the situation are your own willingnessto confide and your full confidence in the one with whomyou share your first accurate self-survey. Even when you'vefound the person, it frequently takes great resolution to ap-proach him or her. No one ought to say the A.A. programrequires no willpower; here is one place you may requireall you've got. Happily, though, the chances are that youwill be in for a very pleasant surprise. When your missionis carefully explained, and it is seen by the recipient of yourconfidence how helpful he can really be, the conversationwill start easily and will soon become eager. Before long,your listener may well tell a story or two about himself 62STEP FIVEwhich will place you even more at ease. Provided you holdback nothing, your sense of relief will mount from minuteto minute. The dammed-up emotions of years break out oftheir confinement, and miraculously vanish as soon as theyare exposed. As the pain subsides, a healing tranquilitytakes its place. And when humility and serenity are so com-bined, something else of great moment is apt to occur.Many an A.A., once agnostic or atheistic, tells us that it wasduring this stage of Step Five that he first actually felt thepresence of God. And even those who had faith already of-ten become conscious of God as they never were before.This feeling of being at one with God and man, thisemerging from isolation through the open and honest shar-ing of our terrible burden of guilt, brings us to a restingplace where we may prepare ourselves for the followingSteps toward a full and meaningful sobriety. Step SixWere entirely ready to have God removeall these defects of character.THIS is the Step that separates the men from the boys.So declares a well-loved clergyman who happens to be oneof A.A.'s greatest friends. He goes on to explain that anyperson capable of enough willingness and honesty to try re-peatedly Step Six on all his faultswithout anyreservations whateverhas indeed come a long way spiri-tually, and is therefore entitled to be called a man who issincerely trying to grow in the image and likeness of hisown Creator.Of course, the often disputed question of whether Godcanand will, under certain conditionsremove defectsof character will be answered with a prompt affirmative byalmost any A.A. member. To him, this proposition will beno theory at all; it will be just about the largest fact in hislife. He will usually offer his proof in a statement like this:Sure, I was beaten, absolutely licked. My ownwillpower just wouldn't work on alcohol. Change of scene,the best efforts of family, friends, doctors, and clergymengot no place with my alcoholism. I simply couldn't stopdrinking, and no human being could seem to do the job forme. But when I became willing to clean house and thenasked a Higher Power, God as I understood Him, to giveme release, my obsession to drink vanished. It was liftedright out of me.63 64STEP SIXIn A.A. meetings all over the world, statements just likethis are heard daily. It is plain for everybody to see that eachsober A.A. member has been granted a release from thisvery obstinate and potentially fatal obsession. So in a verycomplete and literal way, all A.A.'s have become entirelyready to have God remove the mania for alcohol fromtheir lives. And God has proceeded to do exactly that.Having been granted a perfect release from alcoholism,why then shouldn't we be able to achieve by the samemeans a perfect release from every other difficulty or de-fect? This is a riddle of our existence, the full answer towhich may be only in the mind of God. Nevertheless, atleast a part of the answer to it is apparent to us.When men and women pour so much alcohol intothemselves that they destroy their lives, they commit a mostunnatural act. Defying their instinctive desire for self-preservation, they seem bent upon self-destruction. Theywork against their own deepest instinct. As they are hum-bled by the terrific beating administered by alcohol, thegrace of God can enter them and expel their obsession.Here their powerful instinct to live can cooperate fully withtheir Creator's desire to give them new life. For nature andGod alike abhor suicide.But most of our other difficulties don't fall under such acategory at all. Every normal person wants, for example, toeat, to reproduce, to be somebody in the society of his fel-lows. And he wishes to be reasonably safe and secure as hetries to attain these things. Indeed, God made him that way.He did not design man to destroy himself by alcohol, butHe did give man instincts to help him to stay alive. STEP SIX65It is nowhere evident, at least in this life, that our Cre-ator expects us fully to eliminate our instinctual drives. Sofar as we know, it is nowhere on the record that God hascompletely removed from any human being all his naturaldrives.Since most of us are born with an abundance of naturaldesires, it isn't strange that we often let these far exceedtheir intended purpose. When they drive us blindly, or wewillfully demand that they supply us with more satisfac-tions or pleasures than are possible or due us, that is thepoint at which we depart from the degree of perfection thatGod wishes for us here on earth. That is the measure of ourcharacter defects, or, if you wish, of our sins.If we ask, God will certainly forgive our derelictions.But in no case does He render us white as snow and keepus that way without our cooperation. That is something weare supposed to be willing to work toward ourselves. Heasks only that we try as best we know how to makeprogress in the building of character.So Step SixWere entirely ready to have God removeall these defects of characteris A.A.'s way of stating thebest possible attitude one can take in order to make a begin-ning on this lifetime job. This does not mean that we expectall our character defects to be lifted out of us as the drive todrink was. A few of them may be, but with most of themwe shall have to be content with patient improvement. Thekey words entirely ready un derl i n e th e f act th at we wan tto aim at the very best we know or can learn.How many of us have this degree of readiness? In anabsolute sense practically nobody has it. The best we can 66STEP SIXdo, with all the honesty that we can summon, is to try tohave it. Even then the best of us will discover to our dismaythat there is always a sticking point, a point at which wesay, No, I can ' t gi v e th i s up y et. A n d we s h al l of ten treadon even more dangerous ground when we cry, Th i s I wi l lnever give up! Such i s th e power of our i n s ti n cts to ov er-reach themselves. No matter how far we have progressed,desires will always be found which oppose the grace ofGod.Some who feel they have done well may dispute this,so let's try to think it through a little further. Practically ev-ery body wishes to be rid of his most glaring anddestructive handicaps. No one wants to be so proud that heis scorned as a braggart, nor so greedy that he is labeled athief. No one wants to be angry enough to murder, lustfulenough to rape, gluttonous enough to ruin his health. Noone wants to be agonized by the chronic pain of envy or tobe paralyzed by sloth. Of course, most human beings don'tsuffer these defects at these rock-bottom levels.We who have escaped these extremes are apt to con-gratulate ourselves. Yet can we? After all, hasn't it been self-interest, pure and simple, that has enabled most of us to es-cape? Not much spiritual effort is involved in avoidingexcesses which will bring us punishment anyway. Butwhen we face up to the less violent aspects of these verysame defects, then where do we stand?What we must recognize now is that we exult in someof our defects. We really love them. Who, for example,doesn't like to feel just a little superior to the next fellow, oreven quite a lot superior? Isn't it true that we like to let STEP SIX67greed masquerade as ambition? To think of liking l u s tseems impossible. But how many men and women speaklove with their lips, and believe what they say, so that theycan hide lust in a dark corner of their minds? And evenwhile staying within conventional bounds, many peoplehave to admit that their imaginary sex excursions are apt tobe all dressed up as dreams of romance.Self-righteous anger also can be very enjoyable. In aperverse way we can actually take satisfaction from the factthat many people annoy us, for it brings a comfortable feel-ing of superiority. Gossip barbed with our anger, a politeform of murder by character assassination, has its satisfac-tions for us, too. Here we are not trying to help those wecriticize; we are trying to proclaim our own righteousness. When gluttony is less than ruinous, we have a milderword for that, too; we call it taking our comfort. We livein a world riddled with envy. To a greater or less degree,everybody is infected with it. From this defect we mustsurely get a warped yet definite satisfaction. Else whywould we consume such great amounts of time wishing forwhat we have not, rather than working for it, or angrilylooking for attributes we shall never have, instead of adjust-ing to the fact, and accepting it? And how often we workhard with no better motive than to be secure and slothfullater ononly we call that retiring. Consider, too, our tal-ents for procrastination, which is really sloth in fivesyllables. Nearly anyone could submit a good list of suchdefects as these, and few of us would seriously think of giv-ing them up, at least until they cause us excessive misery.Some people, of course, may conclude that they are in- 68STEP SIXdeed ready to have all such defects taken from them. Buteven these people, if they construct a list of still milder de-fects, will be obliged to admit that they prefer to hang on tosome of them. Therefore, it seems plain that few of us canquickly or easily become ready to aim at spiritual andmoral perfection; we want to settle for only as much perfec-tion as will get us by in life, according, of course, to ourvarious and sundry ideas of what will get us by. So the dif-ference between the boys and the men is the differencebetween striving for a self-determined objective and for theperfect objective which is of God.Many will at once ask, How can we accept the entireimplication of Step Six? Whythat is perfection! Thissounds like a hard question, but practically speaking, it isn't.Only Step One, where we made the 100 percent admissionwe were powerless over alcohol, can be practiced with ab-solute perfection. The remaining eleven Steps state perfectideals. They are goals toward which we look, and the mea-suring sticks by which we estimate our progress. Seen inthis light, Step Six is still difficult, but not at all impossible.The only urgent thing is that we make a beginning, andkeep trying.If we would gain any real advantage in the use of thisStep on problems other than alcohol, we shall need to makea brand new venture into open-mindedness. We shall needto raise our eyes toward perfection, and be ready to walk inthat direction. It will seldom matter how haltingly we walk.The only question will be A re we ready ?Looking again at those defects we are still unwilling togive up, we ought to erase the hard-and-fast lines that we STEP SIX69have drawn. Perhaps we shall be obliged in some cases stillto say, Th i s I can n ot gi v e up y et . . . , but we should notsay to ourselves, This I will never give up!Let's dispose of what appears to be a hazardous openend we have left. It is suggested that we ought to becomeentirely willing to aim toward perfection. We note thatsome delay, however, might be pardoned. That word, in themind of a rationalizing alcoholic, could certainly be given alongterm meaning. He could say, How v ery eas y ! Sure, I' l lhead toward perfection, but I'm certainly not going to hurryany. Maybe I can postpone dealing with some of my prob-lems indefinitely. Of cours e, th i s won ' t do. Such a b l uf f i n gof oneself will have to go the way of many another pleasantrationalization. At the very least, we shall have to come togrips with some of our worst character defects and take ac-tion toward their removal as quickly as we can.The moment we say, No, never! our minds closeagainst the grace of God. Delay is dangerous, and rebellionmay be fatal. This is the exact point at which we abandonlimited objectives, and move toward God's will for us. Step SevenHumbly asked Him to remove our short-comings.SINCE this Step so specifically concerns itself with hu-mility, we should pause here to consider what humility isand what the practice of it can mean to us.Indeed, the attainment of greater humility is the founda-tion principle of each of A.A.'s Twelve Steps. For withoutsome degree of humility, no alcoholic can stay sober at all.Nearly all A.A.'s have found, too, that unless they developmuch more of this precious quality than may be requiredjust for sobriety, they still haven't much chance of becom-ing truly happy. Without it, they cannot live to much usefulpurpose, or, in adversity, be able to summon the faith thatcan meet any emergency.Humility, as a word and as an ideal, has a very bad timeof it in our world. Not only is the idea misunderstood; theword itself is often intensely disliked. Many people haven'teven a nodding acquaintance with humility as a way of life.Much of the everyday talk we hear, and a great deal of whatwe read, highlights man's pride in his own achievements. With great intelligence, men of science have been forc-ing nature to disclose her secrets. The immense resourcesnow being harnessed promise such a quantity of materialblessings that many have come to believe that a man-mademillennium lies just ahead. Poverty will disappear, andthere will be such abundance that everybody can have allthe security and personal satisfactions he desires. The theo-70 STEP SEVEN71ry seems to be that once everybody's primary instincts aresatisfied, there won't be much left to quarrel about. Theworld will then turn happy and be free to concentrate onculture and character. Solely by their own intelligence andlabor, men will have shaped their own destiny.Certainly no alcoholic, and surely no member of A.A.,wants to deprecate material achievement. Nor do we enterinto debate with the many who still so passionately cling tothe belief that to satisfy our basic natural desires is the mainobject of life. But we are sure that no class of people in theworld ever made a worse mess of trying to live by this for-mula than alcoholics. For thousands of years we have beendemanding more than our share of security, prestige, andromance. When we seemed to be succeeding, we drank todream still greater dreams. When we were frustrated, evenin part, we drank for oblivion. Never was there enough ofwhat we thought we wanted.In all these strivings, so many of them well-intentioned,our crippling handicap had been our lack of humility. Wehad lacked the perspective to see that character-buildingand spiritual values had to come first, and that material sat-isfactions were not the purpose of living. Quitecharacteristically, we had gone all out in confusing the endswith the means. Instead of regarding the satisfaction of ourmaterial desires as the means by which we could live andfunction as human beings, we had taken these satisfactionsto be the final end and aim of life.True, most of us thought good character was desirable,but obviously good character was something one needed toget on with the business of being self-satisfied. With a 72STEP SEVENproper display of honesty and morality, we'd stand a betterchance of getting what we really wanted. But whenever wehad to choose between character and comfort, the charac-ter-building was lost in the dust of our chase after what wethought was happiness. Seldom did we look at character-building as something desirable in itself, something wewould like to strive for whether our instinctual needs weremet or not. We never thought of making honesty, tolerance,and true love of man and God the daily basis of living.This lack of anchorage to any permanent values, thisblindness to the true purpose of our lives, produced anotherbad result. For just so long as we were convinced that wecould live exclusively by our own individual strength andintelligence, for just that long was a working faith in aHigher Power impossible. This was true even when we be-lieved that God existed. We could actually have earnestreligious beliefs which remained barren because we werestill trying to play God ourselves. As long as we placedself-reliance first, a genuine reliance upon a Higher Powerwas out of the question. That basic ingredient of all humili-ty, a desire to seek and do God's will, was missing.For us, the process of gaining a new perspective wasunbelievably painful. It was only by repeated humiliationsthat we were forced to learn something about humility. Itwas only at the end of a long road, marked by successivedefeats and humiliations, and the final crushing of our self-sufficiency, that we began to feel humility as somethingmore than a condition of groveling despair. Every newcom-er in Alcoholics Anonymous is told, and soon realizes forhimself, that his humble admission of powerlessness over STEP SEVEN73alcohol is his first step toward liberation from its paralyzinggrip.So it is that we first see humility as a necessity. But thisis the barest beginning. To get completely away from ouraversion to the idea of being humble, to gain a vision of hu-mility as the avenue to true freedom of the human spirit, tobe willing to work for humility as something to be desiredfor itself, takes most of us a long, long time. A whole life-time geared to self-centeredness cannot be set in reverse allat once. Rebellion dogs our every step at first.When we have finally admitted without reservation thatwe are powerless over alcohol, we are apt to breathe a greatsigh of relief, saying, Well, thank God that's over! I'll nev-er have to go through that again! Th en we l earn , of ten toour consternation, that this is only the first milestone on thenew road we are walking. Still goaded by sheer necessity,we reluctantly come to grips with those serious characterflaws that made problem drinkers of us in the first place,flaws which must be dealt with to prevent a retreat into al-coholism once again. We will want to be rid of some ofthese defects, but in some instances this will appear to be animpossible job from which we recoil. And we cling with apassionate persistence to others which are just as disturbingto our equilibrium, because we still enjoy them too much.How can we possibly summon the resolution and the will-ingness to get rid of such overwhelming compulsions anddesires?But again we are driven on by the inescapable conclu-sion which we draw from A.A. experience, that we surelymust try with a will, or else fall by the wayside. At this 74STEP SEVENstage of our progress we are under heavy pressure and co-ercion to do the right thing. We are obliged to choosebetween the pains of trying and the certain penalties of fail-ing to do so. These initial steps along the road are takengrudgingly, yet we do take them. We may still have no veryhigh opinion of humility as a desirable personal virtue, butwe do recognize it as a necessary aid to our survival.But when we have taken a square look at some of thesedefects, have discussed them with another, and have be-come willing to have them removed, our thinking abouthumility commences to have a wider meaning. By this timein all probability we have gained some measure of releasefrom our more devastating handicaps. We enjoy momentsin which there is something like real peace of mind. Tothose of us who have hitherto known only excitement, de-pression, or anxietyin other words, to all of usthisnewfound peace is a priceless gift. Something new indeedhas been added. Where humility had formerly stood for aforced feeding on humble pie, it now begins to mean thenourishing ingredient which can give us serenity.This improved perception of humility starts anotherrevolutionary change in our outlook. Our eyes begin toopen to the immense values which have come straight outof painful ego-puncturing. Until now, our lives have beenlargely devoted to running from pain and problems. Wefled from them as from a plague. We never wanted to dealwith the fact of suffering. Escape via the bottle was alwaysour solution. Character-building through suffering might beall right for saints, but it certainly didn't appeal to us.Then, in A.A., we looked and listened. Everywhere we STEP SEVEN75saw failure and misery transformed by humility into price-less assets. We heard story after story of how humility hadbrought strength out of weakness. In every case, pain hadbeen the price of admission into a new life. But this admis-sion price had purchased more than we expected. It broughta measure of humility, which we soon discovered to be ahealer of pain. We began to fear pain less, and desire humil-ity more than ever.During this process of learning more about humility, themost profound result of all was the change in our attitudetoward God. And this was true whether we had been be-lievers or unbelievers. We began to get over the idea thatthe Higher Power was a sort of bush-league pinch hitter, tobe called upon only in an emergency. The notion that wewould still live our own lives, God helping a little now andthen, began to evaporate. Many of us who had thought our-selves religious awoke to the limitations of this attitude.Refusing to place God first, we had deprived ourselves ofHis help. But now the words Of m y s el f I am n oth i n g, th eFather doeth the works began to carry bright promise andmeaning.We saw we needn't always be bludgeoned and beateninto humility. It could come quite as much from our volun-tary reaching for it as it could from unremitting suffering. Agreat turning point in our lives came when we sought forhumility as something we really wanted, rather than assomething we must h a v e. It marked the time when wecould commence to see the full implication of Step Seven:Hum b l y as ked Hi m to rem ov e our s h ortcom i n gs .As we approach the actual taking of Step Seven, it 76STEP SEVENmight be well if we A.A.'s inquire once more just what ourdeeper objectives are. Each of us would like to live at peacewith himself and with his fellows. We would like to be as-sured that the grace of God can do for us what we cannotdo for ourselves. We have seen that character defects basedupon shortsighted or unworthy desires are the obstacles thatblock our path toward these objectives. We now clearly seethat we have been making unreasonable demands uponourselves, upon others, and upon God.The chief activator of our defects has been self-centeredfearprimarily fear that we would lose something we al-ready possessed or would fail to get something wedemanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, wewere in a state of continual disturbance and frustration.Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find ameans of reducing these demands. The difference betweena demand and a simple request is plain to anyone.The Seventh Step is where we make the change in ourattitude which permits us, with humility as our guide, tomove out from ourselves toward others and toward God.The whole emphasis of Step Seven is on humility. It is real-ly saying to us that we now ought to be willing to tryhumility in seeking the removal of our other shortcomingsjust as we did when we admitted that we were powerlessover alcohol, and came to believe that a Power greater thanourselves could restore us to sanity. If that degree of humili-ty could enable us to find the grace by which such a deadlyobsession could be banished, then there must be hope of thesame result respecting any other problem we could possiblyhave. Step EightMade a list of all persons we had harmed,and became willing to make amends to themall.STEPS Eight and Nine are concerned with personal rela-tions. First, we take a look backward and try to discoverwhere we have been at fault; next we make a vigorous at-tempt to repair the damage we have done; and third, havingthus cleaned away the debris of the past, we consider how,with our newfound knowledge of ourselves, we may devel-op the best possible relations with every human being weknow.This is a very large order. It is a task which we may per-form with increasing skill, but never really finish. Learninghow to live in the greatest peace, partnership, and brother-hood with all men and women, of whatever description, is amoving and fascinating adventure. Every A.A. has foundthat he can make little headway in this new adventure ofliving until he first backtracks and really makes an accurateand unsparing survey of the human wreckage he has left inhis wake. To a degree, he has already done this when takingmoral inventory, but now the time has come when he oughtto redouble his efforts to see how many people he has hurt,and in what ways. This reopening of emotional wounds,some old, some perhaps forgotten, and some still painfullyfestering, will at first look like a purposeless and pointlesspiece of surgery. But if a willing start is made, then the77 78STEP EIGHTgreat advantages of doing this will so quickly reveal them-selves that the pain will be lessened as one obstacle afteranother melts away.These obstacles, however, are very real. The first, andone of the most difficult, has to do with forgiveness. Themoment we ponder a twisted or broken relationship withanother person, our emotions go on the defensive. To es-cape looking at the wrongs we have done another, weresentfully focus on the wrong he has done us. This is espe-cially true if he has, in fact, behaved badly at all.Triumphantly we seize upon his misbehavior as the perfectexcuse for minimizing or forgetting our own.Right here we need to fetch ourselves up sharply. Itdoesn't make much sense when a real toss pot calls a kettleblack. Let's remember that alcoholics are not the only onesbedeviled by sick emotions. Moreover, it is usually a factthat our behavior when drinking has aggravated the defectsof others. We've repeatedly strained the patience of our bestfriends to a snapping point, and have brought out the veryworst in those who didn't think much of us to begin with. Inmany instances we are really dealing with fellow sufferers,people whose woes we have increased. If we are now aboutto ask forgiveness for ourselves, why shouldn't we start outby forgiving them, one and all?When listing the people we have harmed, most of us hitanother solid obstacle. We got a pretty severe shock whenwe realized that we were preparing to make a face-to-faceadmission of our wretched conduct to those we had hurt. Ithad been embarrassing enough when in confidence we hadadmitted these things to God, to ourselves, and to another STEP EIGHT79human being. But the prospect of actually visiting or evenwriting the people concerned now overwhelmed us, espe-cially when we remembered in what poor favor we stoodwith most of them. There were cases, too, where we haddamaged others who were still happily unaware of beinghurt. Why, we cried, shouldn't bygones be bygones? Whydo we have to think of these people at all? These weresome of the ways in which fear conspired with pride to hin-der our making a list of all the people we had harmed.Some of us, though, tripped over a very different snag.We clung to the claim that when drinking we never hurtanybody but ourselves. Our families didn't suffer, becausewe always paid the bills and seldom drank at home. Ourbusiness associates didn't suffer, because we were usuallyon the job. Our reputations hadn't suffered, because wewere certain few knew of our drinking. Those who didwould sometimes assure us that, after all, a lively benderwas only a good man's fault. What real harm, therefore, hadwe done? No more, surely, than we could easily mend witha few casual apologies.This attitude, of course, is the end result of purposefulforgetting. It is an attitude which can only be changed by adeep and honest search of our motives and actions.Though in some cases we cannot make restitution at all,and in some cases action ought to be deferred, we shouldnevertheless make an accurate and really exhaustive surveyof our past life as it has affected other people. In many in-stances we shall find that though the harm done others hasnot been great, the emotional harm we have done ourselveshas. Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emo- 80STEP EIGHTtional conflicts persist below the level of consciousness. Atthe time of these occurrences, they may actually have givenour emotions violent twists which have since discolored ourpersonalities and altered our lives for the worse.While the purpose of making restitution to others isparamount, it is equally necessary that we extricate from anexamination of our personal relations every bit of informa-tion about ourselves and our fundamental difficulties thatwe can. Since defective relations with other human beingshave nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes,including our alcoholism, no field of investigation couldyield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one.Calm, thoughtful reflection upon personal relations candeepen our insight. We can go far beyond those thingswhich were superficially wrong with us, to see those flawswhich were basic, flaws which sometimes were responsiblefor the whole pattern of our lives. Thoroughness, we havefound, will payand pay handsomely.We might next ask ourselves what we mean when wesay that we have harmed other people. What kinds ofharm do people do one another, anyway? To define theword harm in a practical way, we might call it the resultof instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emo-tional, or spiritual damage to people. If our tempers areconsistently bad, we arouse anger in others. If we lie orcheat, we deprive others not only of their worldly goods,but of their emotional security and peace of mind. We real-ly issue them an invitation to become contemptuous andvengeful. If our sex conduct is selfish, we may excite jeal-ousy, misery, and a strong desire to retaliate in kind. STEP EIGHT81Such gross misbehavior is not by any means a full cata-logue of the harms we do. Let us think of some of thesubtler ones which can sometimes be quite as damaging.Suppose that in our family lives we happen to be miserly,irresponsible, callous, or cold. Suppose that we are irritable,critical, impatient, and humorless. Suppose we lavish atten-tion upon one member of the family and neglect the others.What happens when we try to dominate the whole family,either by a rule of iron or by a constant outpouring ofminute directions for just how their lives should be livedfrom hour to hour? What happens when we wallow in de-pression, self-pity oozing from every pore, and inflict thatupon those about us? Such a roster of harms done othersthe kind that make daily living with us as practicing alco-holics difficult and often unbearable could be extendedalmost indefinitely. When we take such personality traits asthese into shop, office, and the society of our fellows, theycan do damage almost as extensive as that we have causedat home.Having carefully surveyed this whole area of human re-lations, and having decided exactly what personality traitsin us injured and disturbed others, we can now commenceto ransack memory for the people to whom we have givenoffense. To put a finger on the nearby and most deeplydamaged ones shouldn't be hard to do. Then, as year byyear we walk back through our lives as far as memory willreach, we shall be bound to construct a long list of peoplewho have, to some extent or other, been affected. Weshould, of course, ponder and weigh each instance careful-ly. We shall want to hold ourselves to the course of 82STEP EIGHTadmitting the things we h a ve done, meanwhile forgivingthe wrongs done us, real or fancied. We should avoid ex-treme judgments, both of ourselves and of others involved.We must not exaggerate our defects or theirs. A quiet, ob-jective view will be our steadfast aim.Whenever our pencil falters, we can fortify and cheerourselves by remembering what A.A. experience in thisStep has meant to others. It is the beginning of the end ofisolation from our fellows and from God. Step NineMade direct amends to such people wher-ever possible, except when to do so wouldinjure them or others.GOOD judgment, a careful sense of timing, courage, andprudencethese are the qualities we shall need when wetake Step Nine.After we have made the list of people we have harmed,have reflected carefully upon each instance, and have triedto possess ourselves of the right attitude in which to pro-ceed, we will see that the making of direct amends dividesthose we should approach into several classes. There willbe those who ought to be dealt with just as soon as we be-come reasonably confident that we can maintain oursobriety. There will be those to whom we can make onlypartial restitution, lest complete disclosures do them or oth-ers more harm than good. There will be other cases whereaction ought to be deferred, and still others in which by thevery nature of the situation we shall never be able to makedirect personal contact at all.Most of us begin making certain kinds of direct amendsfrom the day we join Alcoholics Anonymous. The momentwe tell our families that we are really going to try the pro-gram, the process has begun. In this area there are seldomany questions of timing or caution. We want to come in thedoor shouting the good news. After coming from our firstmeeting, or perhaps after we have finished reading the book83 84STEP NINEAlcoholics Anonymous, we usually want to sit downwith some member of the family and readily admit thedamage we have done by our drinking. Almost always wewant to go further and admit other defects that have madeus hard to live with. This will be a very different occasion,and in sharp contrast with those hangover mornings whenwe alternated between reviling ourselves and blaming thefamily (and everyone else) for our troubles. At this first sit-ting, it is necessary only that we make a general admissionof our defects. It may be unwise at this stage to rehash cer-tain harrowing episodes. Good judgment will suggest thatwe ought to take our time. While we may be quite willingto reveal the very worst, we must be sure to remember thatwe cannot buy our own peace of mind at the expense ofothers.Much the same approach will apply at the office or fac-tory. We shall at once think of a few people who know allabout our drinking, and who have been most affected by it.But even in these cases, we may need to use a little morediscretion than we did with the family. We may not want tosay anything for several weeks, or longer. First we willwish to be reasonably certain that we are on the A.A. beam.Then we are ready to go to these people, to tell them whatA.A. is, and what we are trying to do. Against this back-ground we can freely admit the damage we have done andmake our apologies. We can pay, or promise to pay, what-ever obligations, financial or otherwise, we owe. Thegenerous response of most people to such quiet sinceritywill often astonish us. Even our severest and most justifiedcritics will frequently meet us more than halfway on the STEP NINE85first trial.This atmosphere of approval and praise is apt to be soexhilarating as to put us off balance by creating an insa-tiable appetite for more of the same. Or we may be tippedover in the other direction when, in rare cases, we get a cooland skeptical reception. This will tempt us to argue, or topress our point insistently. Or maybe it will tempt us to dis-couragement and pessimism. But if we have preparedourselves well in advance, such reactions will not deflect usfrom our steady and even purpose.After taking this preliminary trial at making amends,we may enjoy such a sense of relief that we conclude ourtask is finished. We will want to rest on our laurels. Thetemptation to skip the more humiliating and dreaded meet-ings that still remain may be great. We will oftenmanufacture plausible excuses for dodging these issues en-tirely. Or we may just procrastinate, telling ourselves thetime is not yet, when in reality we have already passed upmany a fine chance to right a serious wrong. Let's not talkprudence while practicing evasion.As soon as we begin to feel confident in our new wayof life and have begun, by our behavior and example, toconvince those about us that we are indeed changing for thebetter, it is usually safe to talk in complete frankness withthose who have been seriously affected, even those whomay be only a little or not at all aware of what we havedone to them. The only exceptions we will make will becases where our disclosure would cause actual harm. Theseconversations can begin in a casual or natural way. But ifno such opportunity presents itself, at some point we will 86STEP NINEwant to summon all our courage, head straight for the per-son concerned, and lay our cards on the table. We needn'twallow in excessive remorse before those we have harmed,but amends at this level should always be forthright andgenerous.There can only be one consideration which shouldqualify our desire for a complete disclosure of the damagewe have done. That will arise in the occasional situationwhere to make a full revelation would seriously harm theone to whom we are making amends. Orquite as impor-tantother people. We cannot, for example, unload adetailed account of extramarital adventuring upon theshoulders of our unsuspecting wife or husband. And evenin those cases where such a matter must be discussed, let'stry to avoid harming third parties, whoever they may be. Itdoes not lighten our burden when we recklessly make thecrosses of others heavier.Many a razor-edged question can arise in other depart-ments of life where this same principle is involved.Suppose, for instance, that we have drunk up a good chunkof our firm's money, whether by borrowing or on a h eavi-ly padded expense account. Suppose that this may continueto go undetected, if we say nothing. Do we instantly con-fess our irregularities to the firm, in the practical certaintythat we will be fired and become unemployable? Are wegoing to be so rigidly righteous about making amends thatwe don't care what happens to the family and home? Or dowe first consult those who are to be gravely affected? Dowe lay the matter before our sponsor or spiritual adviser,earnestly asking God's help and guidancemeanwhile re- STEP NINE87solving to do the right thing when it becomes clear, costwhat it may? Of course, there is no pat answer which can fitall such dilemmas. But all of them do require a completewillingness to make amends as fast and as far as may bepossible in a given set of conditions.Above all, we should try to be absolutely sure that weare not delaying because we are afraid. For the readiness totake the full consequences of our past acts, and to take re-sponsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, isthe very spirit of Step Nine. Step TenContinued to take personal inventory andwhen we were wrong promptly admitted it.AS we work the first nine Steps, we prepare ourselves forthe adventure of a new life. But when we approach StepTen we commence to put our A.A. way of living to practi-cal use, day by day, in fair weather or foul. Then comes theacid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, andlive to good purpose under all conditions?A continuous look at our assets and liabilities, and a realdesire to learn and grow by this means, are necessities forus. We alcoholics have learned this the hard way. More ex-perienced people, of course, in all times and places havepracticed unsparing self-survey and criticism. For the wisehave always known that no one can make much of his lifeuntil self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is ableto admit and accept what he finds, and until he patientlyand persistently tries to correct what is wrong.When a drunk has a terrific hangover because he drankheavily yesterday, he cannot live well today. But there isanother kind of hangover which we all experience whetherwe are drinking or not. That is the emotional hangover, thedirect result of yesterday's and sometimes today's excessesof negative emotionanger, fear, jealousy, and the like. Ifwe would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainlyneed to eliminate these hangovers. This doesn't mean we88 STEP TEN89need to wander morbidly around in the past. It requires anadmission and correction of errors now. Our inventory en-ables us to settle with the past. When this is done, we arereally able to leave it behind us. When our inventory iscarefully taken, and we have made peace with ourselves,the conviction follows that tomorrow's challenges can bemet as they come.Although all inventories are alike in principle, the timefactor does distinguish one from another. There's the spot-check inventory, taken at any time of the day, whenever wefind ourselves getting tangled up. There's the one we take atday's end, when we review the happenings of the hours justpast. Here we cast up a balance sheet, crediting ourselveswith things well done, and chalking up debits where due.Then there are those occasions when alone, or in the com-pany of our sponsor or spiritual adviser, we make a carefulreview of our progress since the last time. Many A.A.'s goin for annual or semiannual housecleanings. Many of usalso like the experience of an occasional retreat from theoutside world where we can quiet down for an undisturbedday or so of self-overhaul and meditation.Aren't these practices joy-killers as well as time-con-sumers? Must A.A.'s spend most of their waking hoursdrearily rehashing their sins of omission or commission?Well, hardly. The emphasis on inventory is heavy only be-cause a great many of us have never really acquired thehabit of accurate self-appraisal. Once this healthy practicehas become grooved, it will be so interesting and profitablethat the time it takes won't be missed. For these minutesand sometimes hours spent in self-examination are bound 90STEP TENto make all the other hours of our day better and happier.And at length our inventories become a regular part of ev-eryday living, rather than something unusual or set apart.Before we ask what a spot-check inventory is, let's lookat the kind of setting in which such an inventory can do itswork.It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed,no matter what the cause, there is something wrong withus. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in thewrong also. But are there no exceptions to this rule? Whatabout justifiable anger? If somebody cheats us, aren't weentitled to be mad? Can't we be properly angry with self-righteous folk? For us of A.A. these are dangerous excep-tions. We have found that justified anger ought to be left tothose better qualified to handle it.Few people have been more victimized by resentmentsthan have we alcoholics. It mattered little whether our re-sentments were justified or not. A burst of temper couldspoil a day, and a well-nursed grudge could make us miser-ably ineffective. Nor were we ever skillful in separatingjustified from unjustified anger. As we saw it, our wrathwas always justified. Anger, that occasional luxury of morebalanced people, could keep us on an emotional jag indefi-nitely. These emotional dry benders often led straight tothe bottle. Other kinds of disturbancesjealousy, envy,self-pity, or hurt pridedid the same thing.A spot-check inventory taken in the midst of such dis-turbances can be of very great help in quieting stormyemotions. Today's spot check finds its chief application tosituations which arise in each day's march. The considera- STEP TEN91tion of long-standing difficulties had better be postponed,when possible, to times deliberately set aside for that pur-pose. The quick inventory is aimed at our daily ups anddowns, especially those where people or new events throwus off balance and tempt us to make mistakes.In all these situations we need self-restraint, honestanalysis of what is involved, a willingness to admit whenthe fault is ours, and an equal willingness to forgive whenthe fault is elsewhere. We need not be discouraged whenwe fall into the error of our old ways, for these disciplinesare not easy. We shall look for progress, not for perfection.Our first objective will be the development of self-re-straint. This carries a top priority rating. When we speak oract hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and toler-ant evaporates on the spot. One unkind tirade or one willfulsnap judgment can ruin our relation with another person fora whole day, or maybe a whole year. Nothing pays off likerestraint of tongue and pen. We must avoid quick-temperedcriticism and furious, power-driven argument. The samegoes for sulking or silent scorn. These are emotional boobytraps baited with pride and vengefulness. Our first job is tosidestep the traps. When we are tempted by the bait, weshould train ourselves to step back and think. For we canneither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self-restraint has become automatic.Disagreeable or unexpected problems are not the onlyones that call for self-control. We must be quite as carefulwhen we begin to achieve some measure of importance andmaterial success. For no people have ever loved personaltriumphs more than we have loved them; we drank of suc- 92STEP TENcess as of a wine which could never fail to make us feelelated. When temporary good fortune came our way, we in-dulged ourselves in fantasies of still greater victories overpeople and circumstances. Thus blinded by prideful self-confidence, we were apt to play the big shot. Of course,people turned away from us, bored or hurt.Now that we're in A.A. and sober, and winning back theesteem of our friends and business associates, we find thatwe still need to exercise special vigilance. As an insuranceagainst big-shot-ism we can of ten ch eck ours el v es b y re-membering that we are today sober only by the grace ofGod and that any success we may be having is far more Hissuccess than ours.Finally, we begin to see that all people, including our-selves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well asfrequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance andsee what real love for our fellows actually means. It will be-come more and more evident as we go forward that it ispointless to become angry, or to get hurt by people who,like us, are suffering from the pains of growing up.Such a radical change in our outlook will take time,maybe a lot of time. Not many people can truthfully assertthat they love everybody. Most of us must admit that wehave loved but a few; that we have been quite indifferent tothe many so long as none of them gave us trouble; and asfor the remainderwell, we have really disliked or hatedthem. Although these attitudes are common enough, weA.A.'s find we need something much better in order to keepour balance. We can't stand it if we hate deeply. The ideathat we can be possessively loving of a few, can ignore the STEP TEN93many, and can continue to fear or hate anybody, has to beabandoned, if only a little at a time.We can try to stop making unreasonable demands uponthose we love. We can show kindness where we had shownnone. With those we dislike we can begin to practice justiceand courtesy, perhaps going out of our way to understandand help them.Whenever we fail any of these people, we can promptlyadmit itto ourselves always, and to them also, when theadmission would be helpful. Courtesy, kindness, justice,and love are the keynotes by which we may come into har-mony with practically anybody. When in doubt we canalways pause, saying, Not m y wi l l , b ut Th i n e, b e don e.And we can often ask ourselves, Am I doing to others as Iwould have them do to metoday?When evening comes, perhaps just before going tosleep, many of us draw up a balance sheet for the day. Thisis a good place to remember that inventory-taking is not al-ways done in red ink. It's a poor day indeed when wehaven't done something right. As a matter of fact, the wak-ing hours are usually well filled with things that areconstructive. Good intentions, good thoughts, and good actsare there for us to see. Even when we have tried hard andfailed, we may chalk that up as one of the greatest credits ofall. Under these conditions, the pains of failure are convert-ed into assets. Out of them we receive the stimulation weneed to go forward. Someone who knew what he was talk-ing about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of allspiritual progress. How heartily we A.A.'s can agree withhim, for we know that the pains of drinking had to come 94STEP TENbefore sobriety, and emotional turmoil before serenity.As we glance down the debit side of the day's ledger,we should carefully examine our motives in each thoughtor act that appears to be wrong. In most cases our motiveswon't be hard to see and understand. When prideful, angry,jealous, anxious, or fearful, we acted accordingly, and thatwas that. Here we need only recognize that we did act orthink badly, try to visualize how we might have done better,and resolve with God's help to carry these lessons over intotomorrow, making, of course, any amends still neglected.But in other instances only the closest scrutiny will re-veal what our true motives were. There are cases where ourancient enemy, rationalization, has stepped in and has justi-fied conduct which was really wrong. The temptation hereis to imagine that we had good motives and reasons whenwe really didn't.We constructively criticized someone who needed it,when our real motive was to win a useless argument. Or,the person concerned not being present, we thought wewere helping others to understand him, when in actualityour true motive was to feel superior by pulling him down.We sometimes hurt those we love because they need to betaught a lesson, wh en we real l y wan t to pun i s h . W e weredepressed and complained we felt bad, when in fact wewere mainly asking for sympathy and attention. This oddtrait of mind and emotion, this perverse wish to hide a badmotive underneath a good one, permeates human affairsfrom top to bottom. This subtle and elusive kind of self-righteousness can underlie the smallest act or thought.Learning daily to spot, admit, and correct these flaws is the STEP TEN95essence of character-building and good living. An honestregret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings re-ceived, and a willingness to try for better things tomorrowwill be the permanent assets we shall seek.Having so considered our day, not omitting to take duenote of things well done, and having searched our heartswith neither fear nor favor, we can truly thank God for theblessings we have received and sleep in good conscience. Step ElevenSought through prayer and meditation toimprove our conscious contact with God aswe understood Him, praying only for knowl-edge of His will for us and the power to car-ry that out.PRAYER and meditation are our principal means of con-scious contact with God.We A.A.'s are active folk, enjoying the satisfactions ofdealing with the realities of life, usually for the first time inour lives, and strenuously trying to help the next alcoholicwho comes along. So it isn't surprising that we often tend toslight serious meditation and prayer as something not reallynecessary. To be sure, we feel it is something that mighthelp us to meet an occasional emergency, but at first manyof us are apt to regard it as a somewhat mysterious skill ofclergymen, from which we may hope to get a secondhandbenefit. Or perhaps we don't believe in these things at all.To certain newcomers and to those one-time agnosticswho still cling to the A.A. group as their higher power,claims for the power of prayer may, despite all the logic andexperience in proof of it, still be unconvincing or quite ob-jectionable. Those of us who once felt this way cancertainly understand and sympathize. We well rememberhow something deep inside us kept rebelling against theidea of bowing before any God. Many of us had strong log-96 STEP ELEVEN97ic, too, which proved there was no God whatever. Whatabout all the accidents, sickness, cruelty, and injustice in theworld? What about all those unhappy lives which were thedirect result of unfortunate birth and uncontrollable circum-stances? Surely there could be no justice in this scheme ofthings, and therefore no God at all.Sometimes we took a slightly different tack. Sure, wesaid to ourselves, the hen probably did come before theegg. No doubt the universe had a first cause of some sort,the God of the Atom, maybe, hot and cold by turns. Butcertainly there wasn't any evidence of a God who knew orcared about human beings. We liked A.A. all right, andwere quick to say that it had done miracles. But we recoiledfrom meditation and prayer as obstinately as the scientistwho refused to perform a certain experiment lest it provehis pet theory wrong. Of course we finally did experiment,and when unexpected results followed, we felt different; infact we knew different; and so we were sold on meditationand prayer. And that, we have found, can happen to any-body who tries. It has been well said that almost the onlyscoffers at prayer are those who never tried it enough.Those of us who have come to make regular use ofprayer would no more do without it than we would refuseair, food, or sunshine. And for the same reason. When werefuse air, light, or food, the body suffers. And when weturn away from meditation and prayer, we likewise depriveour minds, our emotions, and our intuitions of vitally need-ed support. As the body can fail its purpose for lack ofnourishment, so can the soul. We all need the light of God'sreality, the nourishment of His strength, and the atmosphere 98STEP ELEVENof His grace. To an amazing extent the facts of A.A. Lifeconfirm this ageless truth.There is a direct linkage among self-examination, medi-tation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices canbring much relief and benefit. But when they are logicallyrelated and interwoven, the result is an unshakable founda-tion for life. Now and then we may be granted a glimpse ofthat ultimate reality which is God's kingdom. And we willbe comforted and assured that our own destiny in that realmwill be secure for so long as we try, however falteringly, tofind and do the will of our own Creator.As we have seen, self-searching is the means by whichwe bring new vision, action, and grace to bear upon thedark and negative side of our natures. It is a step in the de-velopment of that kind of humility that makes it possiblefor us to receive God's help. Yet it is only a step. We willwant to go further.We will want the good that is in us all, even in the worstof us, to flower and to grow. Most certainly we shall needbracing air and an abundance of food. But first of all weshall want sunlight; nothing much can grow in the dark.Meditation is our step out into the sun. How, then, shall wemeditate?The actual experience of meditation and prayer acrossthe centuries is, of course, immense. The world's librariesand places of worship are a treasure trove for all seekers. Itis to be hoped that every A.A. who has a religious connec-tion which emphasizes meditation will return to the practiceof that devotion as never before. But what about the rest ofus who, less fortunate, don't even know how to begin? STEP ELEVEN99Well, we might start like this. First let's look at a reallygood prayer. We won't have far to seek; the great men andwomen of all religions have left us a wonderful supply.Here let us consider one that is a classic.Its author was a man who for several hundred yearsnow has been rated as a saint. We won't be biased or scaredoff by that fact, because although he was not an alcoholiche did, like us, go through the emotional wringer. And as hecame out the other side of that painful experience, thisprayer was his expression of what he could then see, feel,and wish to become:Lord, make me a channel of thy peacethat wherethere is hatred, I may bring lovethat where there iswrong, I may bring the spirit of forgivenessthat wherethere is discord, I may bring harmonythat where there iserror, I may bring truththat where there is doubt, I maybring faiththat where there is despair, I may bring hopethat where there are shadows, I may bring lightthatwhere there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that Imay seek rather to comfort than to be comfortedto un-derstand, than to be understoodto love, than to be loved.For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgivingthat one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eter-nal Life. Amen.As beginners in meditation, we might now reread thisprayer several times very slowly, savoring every word andtrying to take in the deep meaning of each phrase and idea.It will help if we can drop all resistance to what our friendsays. For in meditation, debate has no place. We rest quietlywith the thoughts of someone who knows, so that we may 100STEP ELEVENexperience and learn.As though lying upon a sunlit beach, let us relax andbreathe deeply of the spiritual atmosphere with which thegrace of this prayer surrounds us. Let us become willing topartake and be strengthened and lifted up by the sheer spiri-tual power, beauty, and love of which these magnificentwords are the carriers. Let us look now upon the sea andponder what its mystery is; and let us lift our eyes to the farhorizon, beyond which we shall seek all those wonders stillunseen.Shucks! says somebody. Th i s i s n on s en s e. It i s n ' tpractical.When such thoughts break in, we might recall, a littleruefully, how much store we used to set by imagination asit tried to create reality out of bottles. Yes, we reveled in thatsort of thinking, didn't we? And though sober nowadays,don't we often try to do much the same thing? Perhaps ourtrouble was not that we used our imagination. Perhaps thereal trouble was our almost total inability to point imagina-tion toward the right objectives. There's nothing the matterwith constructive imagination; all sound achievement restsupon it. After all, no man can build a house until he first en-visions a plan for it. Well, meditation is like that, too; ithelps to envision our spiritual objective before we try tomove toward it. So let's get back to that sunlit beachor tothe plains or to the mountains, if you prefer.When, by such simple devices, we have placed our-selves in a mood in which we can focus undisturbed onconstructive imagination, we might proceed like this:Once more we read our prayer, and again try to see STEP ELEVEN101what its inner essence is. We'll think now about the manwho first uttered the prayer. First of all, he wanted to be-come a channel. Then he asked for the grace to bringlove, forgiveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joyto every human being he could.Next came the expression of an aspiration and a hopefor himself. He hoped, God willing, that he might be able tofind some of these treasures, too. This he would try to do bywhat he called self-forgetting. What did he mean by self-forgetting, and how did he propose to accomplish that?He thought it better to give comfort than to receive it;better to understand than to be understood; better to forgivethan to be forgiven.This much could be a fragment of what is called medi-tation, perhaps our very first attempt at a mood, a flier intothe realm of spirit, if you like. It ought to be followed by agood look at where we stand now, and a further look atwhat might happen in our lives were we able to move clos-er to the ideal we have been trying to glimpse. Meditation issomething which can always be further developed. It hasno boundaries, either of width or height. Aided by such in-struction and example as we can find, it is essentially anindividual adventure, something which each one of usworks out in his own way. But its object is always thesame: to improve our conscious contact with God, with Hisgrace, wisdom, and love. And let's always remember thatmeditation is in reality intensely practical. One of its firstfruits is emotional balance. With it we can broaden anddeepen the channel between ourselves and God as we un-derstand Him. 102STEP ELEVENNow, what of prayer? Prayer is the raising of the heartand mind to Godand in this sense it includes meditation.How may we go about it? And how does it fit in with medi-tation? Prayer, as commonly understood, is a petition toGod. Having opened our channel as best we can, we try toask for those right things of which we and others are in thegreatest need. And we think that the whole range of ourneeds is well defined by that part of Step Eleven whichsays: . . . knowledge of His will for us and the power tocarry that out. A request for this fits in any part of our day.In the morning we think of the hours to come. Perhapswe think of our day's work and the chances it may afford usto be useful and helpful, or of some special problem that itmay bring. Possibly today will see a continuation of a seri-ous and as yet unresolved problem left over from yesterday.Our immediate temptation will be to ask for specific solu-tions to specific problems, and for the ability to help otherpeople as we have already thought they should be helped.In that case, we are asking God to do it our way. Therefore,we ought to consider each request carefully to see what itsreal merit is. Even so, when making specific requests, itwill be well to add to each one of them this qualification: .. . if it be Thy will. We ask simply that throughout the dayGod place in us the best understanding of His will that wecan have for that day, and that we be given the grace bywhich we may carry it out.As the day goes on, we can pause where situations mustbe met and decisions made, and renew the simple request:Thy will, not mine, be done. If at these points our emo-tional disturbance happens to be great, we will more surely STEP ELEVEN103keep our balance, provided we remember, and repeat toourselves, a particular prayer or phrase that has appealed tous in our reading or meditation. Just saying it over and overwill often enable us to clear a channel choked up withanger, fear, frustration, or misunderstanding, and permit usto return to the surest help of allour search for God's will,not our own, in the moment of stress. At these critical mo-ments, if we remind ourselves that it is better to comfortthan to be comforted, to understand than to be understood,to love than to be loved, we wi l l b e f ol l owi n g th e i n ten t ofStep Eleven.Of course, it is reasonable and understandable that thequestion is often asked: Why can't we take a specific andtroubling dilemma straight to God, and in prayer securefrom Him sure and definite answers to our requests?This can be done, but it has hazards. We have seenA.A.'s ask with much earnestness and faith for God's ex-plicit guidance on matters ranging all the way from ashattering domestic or financial crisis to correcting a minorpersonal fault, like tardiness. Quite often, however, thethoughts that seem to come from God are not answers atall. They prove to be well-intentioned unconscious rational-izations. The A.A., or indeed any man, who tries to run hislife rigidly by this kind of prayer, by this self-serving de-mand of God for replies, is a particularly disconcertingindividual. To any questioning or criticism of his actions heinstantly proffers his reliance upon prayer for guidance inall matters great or small. He may have forgotten the possi-bility that his own wishful thinking and the humantendency to rationalize have distorted his so-called guid- 104STEP ELEVENance. With the best of intentions, he tends to force his ownwill into all sorts of situations and problems with the com-fortable assurance that he is acting under God's specificdirection. Under such an illusion, he can of course creategreat havoc without in the least intending it.We also fall into another similar temptation. We formideas as to what we think God's will is for other people. Wesay to ourselves, Th i s on e ough t to b e cured of h i s f atalmalady, or Th at on e ough t to b e rel i ev ed of h i s em oti on alpain, an d we pray for these specific things. Such prayers,of course, are fundamentally good acts, but often they arebased upon a supposition that we know God's will for theperson for whom we pray. This means that side by sidewith an earnest prayer there can be a certain amount of pre-sumption and conceit in us. It is A.A.'s experience thatparticularly in these cases we ought to pray that God's will,whatever it is, be done for others as well as for ourselves.In A.A. we have found that the actual good results ofprayer are beyond question. They are matters of knowledgeand experience. All those who have persisted have foundstrength not ordinarily their own. They have found wisdombeyond their usual capability. And they have increasinglyfound a peace of mind which can stand firm in the face ofdifficult circumstances.We discover that we do receive guidance for our livesto just about the extent that we stop making demands uponGod to give it to us on order and on our terms. Almost anyexperienced A.A. will tell how his affairs have taken re-markable and unexpected turns for the better as he tried toimprove his conscious contact with God. He will also re- STEP ELEVEN105port that out of every season of grief or suffering, when thehand of God seemed heavy or even unjust, new lessons forliving were learned, new resources of courage were uncov-ered, and that finally, inescapably, the conviction came thatGod does move in a mysterious way His wonders to per-form.All this should be very encouraging news for those whorecoil from prayer because they don't believe in it, or be-cause they feel themselves cut off from God's help anddirection. All of us, without exception, pass through timeswhen we can pray only with the greatest exertion of will.Occasionally we go even further than this. We are seizedwith a rebellion so sickening that we simply won't pray.When these things happen we should not think too ill ofourselves. We should simply resume prayer as soon as wecan, doing what we know to be good for us.Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation andprayer is the sense of belonging that comes to us. We nolonger live in a completely hostile world. We are no longerlost and frightened and purposeless. The moment we catcheven a glimpse of God's will, the moment we begin to seetruth, justice, and love as the real and eternal things in life,we are no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evi-dence to the contrary that surrounds us in purely humanaffairs. We know that God lovingly watches over us. Weknow that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us,here and hereafter. Step TwelveHaving had a spiritual awakening as theresult of these steps, we tried to carry thismessage to alcoholics, and to practice theseprinciples in all our affairs.THE joy of living is the theme of A.A.'s Twelfth Step, andaction is its key word. Here we turn outward toward ourfellow alcoholics who are still in distress. Here we experi-ence the kind of giving that asks no rewards. Here we beginto practice all Twelve Steps of the program in our dailylives so that we and those about us may find emotional so-briety. When the Twelfth Step is seen in its full implication,it is really talking about the kind of love that has no pricetag on it.Our Twelfth Step also says that as a result of practicingall the Steps, we have each found something called a spiri-tual awakening. To new A.A.'s, this often seems like a verydubious and improbable state of affairs. What do youmean when you talk about a 'spiritual awakening'? theyask.Maybe there are as many definitions of spiritual awak-ening as there are people who have had them. But certainlyeach genuine one has something in common with all theothers. And these things which they have in common arenot too hard to understand. When a man or a woman has aspiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it isthat he has now become able to do, feel, and believe that106 STEP TWELVE107which he could not do before on his unaided strength andresources alone. He has been granted a gift which amountsto a new state of consciousness and being. He has been seton a path which tells him he is really going somewhere,that life is not a dead end, not something to be endured ormastered. In a very real sense he has been transformed, be-cause he has laid hold of a source of strength which, in oneway or another, he had hitherto denied himself. He findshimself in possession of a degree of honesty, tolerance, un-selfishness, peace of mind, and love of which he hadthought himself quite incapable. What he has received is afree gift, and yet usually, at least in some small part, he hasmade himself ready to receive it.A.A.'s manner of making ready to receive this gift liesin the practice of the Twelve Steps in our program. So let'sconsider briefly what we have been trying to do up to thispoint:Step One showed us an amazing paradox: We foundthat we were totally unable to be rid of the alcohol obses-sion until we first admitted that we were powerless over it.In Step Two we saw that since we could not restore our-selves to sanity, some Higher Power must necessarily do soif we were to survive. Consequently, in Step Three weturned our will and our lives over to the care of God as weunderstood Him. For the time being, we who were atheistor agnostic discovered that our own group, or A.A. as awhole, would suffice as a higher power. Beginning withStep Four, we commenced to search out the things in our-selves which had brought us to physical, moral, andspiritual bankruptcy. We made a searching and fearless 108STEP TWELVEmoral inventory. Looking at Step Five, we decided that aninventory, taken alone, wouldn't be enough. We knew wewould have to quit the deadly business of living alone withour conflicts, and in honesty confide these to God and an-other human being. At Step Six, many of us balkedforthe practical reason that we did not wish to have all our de-fects of character removed, because we still loved some ofthem too much. Yet we knew we had to make a settlementwith the fundamental principle of Step Six. So we decidedthat while we still had some flaws of character that wecould not yet relinquish, we ought nevertheless to quit ourstubborn, rebellious hanging on to them. We said to our-selves, Th i s I can n ot do today , perh aps , b ut I can stopcrying out 'No, never!' Then, in Step Seven, we humblyasked God to remove our short comings such as He couldor would under the conditions of the day we asked. In StepEight, we continued our housecleaning, for we saw that wewere not only in conflict with ourselves, but also with peo-ple and situations in the world in which we lived. We had tobegin to make our peace, and so we listed the people wehad harmed and became willing to set things right. We fol-lowed this up in Step Nine by making direct amends tothose concerned, except when it would injure them or otherpeople. By this time, at Step Ten, we had begun to get a ba-sis for daily living, and we keenly realized that we wouldneed to continue taking personal inventory, and that whenwe were in the wrong we ought to admit it promptly. InStep Eleven we saw that if a Higher Power had restored usto sanity and had enabled us to live with some peace ofmind in a sorely troubled world, then such a Higher Power STEP TWELVE109was worth knowing better, by as direct contact as possible.The persistent use of meditation and prayer, we found, didopen the channel so that where there had been a trickle,there now was a river which led to sure power and safeguidance from God as we were increasingly better able tounderstand Him.So, practicing these Steps, we had a spiritual awakeningabout which finally there was no question. Looking at thosewho were only beginning and still doubted themselves, therest of us were able to see the change setting in. From greatnumbers of such experiences, we could predict that thedoubter who still claimed that he hadn't got the spiritualangle, an d wh o s ti l l con s i dered h i s wel l -l ov ed A .A . groupthe higher power, would presently love God and call Himby name.Now, what about the rest of the Twelfth Step? The won-derful energy it releases and the eager action by which itcarries our message to the next suffering alcoholic andwhich finally translates the Twelve Steps into action uponall our affairs is the payoff, the magnificent reality, of Alco-holics Anonymous.Even the newest of newcomers finds undreamed re-wards as he tries to help his brother alcoholic, the one whois even blinder than he. This is indeed the kind of givingthat actually demands nothing. He does not expect hisbrother sufferer to pay him, or even to love him. And thenhe discovers that by the divine paradox of this kind of giv-ing he has found his own reward, whether his brother hasyet received anything or not. His own character may still begravely defective, but he somehow knows that God has en- 110STEP TWELVEabled him to make a mighty beginning, and he senses thathe stands at the edge of new mysteries, joys, and experi-ences of which he had never even dreamed.Practically every A.A. member declares that no satis-faction has been deeper and no joy greater than in a TwelfthStep job well done. To watch the eyes of men and womenopen with wonder as they move from darkness into light, tosee their lives quickly fill with new purpose and meaning,to see whole families reassembled, to see the alcoholic out-cast received back into his community in full citizenship,and above all to watch these people awaken to the presenceof a loving God in their livesthese things are the sub-stance of what we receive as we carry A.A.'s message to thenext alcoholic.Nor is this the only kind of Twelfth Step work. We sit inA.A. meetings and listen, not only to receive somethingourselves, but to give the reassurance and support whichour presence can bring. If our turn comes to speak at ameeting, we again try to carry A.A.'s message. Whether ouraudience is one or many, it is still Twelfth Step work. Thereare many opportunities even for those of us who feel unableto speak at meetings or who are so situated that we cannotdo much face-to-face Twelfth Step work. We can be theones who take on the unspectacular but important tasks thatmake good Twelfth Step work possible, perhaps arrangingfor the coffee and cake after the meetings, where so manyskeptical, suspicious newcomers have found confidenceand comfort in the laughter and talk. This is Twelfth Stepwork in the very best sense of the word. Freely ye have re-ceived; freely give . . . is the core of this part of Step STEP TWELVE111Twelve.We may often pass through Twelfth Step experienceswhere we will seem to be temporarily off the beam. Thesewill appear as big setbacks at the time, but will be seen lateras stepping-stones to better things. For example, we mayset our hearts on getting a particular person sobered up, andafter doing all we can for months, we see him relapse. Per-haps this will happen in a succession of cases, and we maybe deeply discouraged as to our ability to carry A.A.'s mes-sage. Or we may encounter the reverse situation, in whichwe are highly elated because we seem to have been suc-cessful. Here the temptation is to become rather possessiveof these newcomers. Perhaps we try to give them adviceabout their affairs which we aren't really competent to giveor ought not give at all. Then we are hurt and confusedwhen the advice is rejected, or when it is accepted andbrings still greater confusion. By a great deal of ardentTwelfth Step work we sometimes carry the message to somany alcoholics that they place us in a position of trust.They make us, let us say, the group's chairman. Here againwe are presented with the temptation to overmanage things,and sometimes this results in rebuffs and other conse-quences which are hard to take.But in the longer run we clearly realize that these areonly the pains of growing up, and nothing but good cancome from them if we turn more and more to the entireTwelve Steps for the answers.Now comes the biggest question yet. What about thepractice of these principles in all our affairs? Can we lovethe whole pattern of living as eagerly as we do the small 112STEP TWELVEsegment of it we discover when we try to help other alco-holics achieve sobriety? Can we bring the same spirit oflove and tolerance into our sometimes deranged familylives that we bring to our A.A. group? Can we have thesame kind of confidence and faith in these people who havebeen infected and sometimes crippled by our own illnessthat we have in our sponsors? Can we actually carry theA.A. spirit into our daily work? Can we meet our newlyrecognized responsibilities to the world at large? And canwe bring new purpose and devotion to the religion of ourchoice? Can we find a new joy of living in trying to dosomething about all these things?Furthermore, how shall we come to terms with seemingfailure or success? Can we now accept and adjust to eitherwithout despair or pride? Can we accept poverty, sickness,loneliness, and bereavement with courage and serenity?Can we steadfastly content ourselves with the humbler, yetsometimes more durable, satisfactions when the brighter,more glittering achievements are denied us?The A.A. answer to these questions about living is Yes,all of these things are possible. We know this because wesee monotony, pain, and even calamity turned to good useby those who keep on trying to practice A.A.'s TwelveSteps. And if these are facts of life for the many alcoholicswho have recovered in A.A., they can become the facts oflife for many more.Of course all A.A.'s, even the best, fall far short of suchachievements as a consistent thing. Without necessarily tak-ing that first drink, we often get quite far off the beam. Ourtroubles sometimes begin with indifference. We are sober STEP TWELVE113and happy in our A.A. work. Things go well at home andoffice. We naturally congratulate ourselves on what laterproves to be a far too easy and superficial point of view. Wetemporarily cease to grow because we feel satisfied thatthere is no need for all of A.A.'s Twelve Steps for us. Weare doing fine on a few of them. Maybe we are doing fineon only two of them, the First Step and that part of theTwelfth where we carry the message. In A.A. slang, thatblissful state is known as two-stepping. A n d i t can go onfor years.The best-intentioned of us can fall for the two-step il-lusion. Sooner or later the pink cloud stage wears off andthings go disappointingly dull. We begin to think that A.A.doesn't pay off after all. We become puzzled and discour-aged. Then perhaps life, as it has a way of doing, suddenlyhands us a great big lump that we can't begin to swallow, letalone digest. We fail to get a worked-for promotion. Welose that good job. Maybe there are serious domestic or ro-mantic difficulties, or perhaps that boy we thought God waslooking after becomes a military casualty.What then? Have we alcoholics in A.A. got, or can weget, the resources to meet these calamities which come toso many? These were problems of life which we could nev-er face up to. Can we now, with the help of God as weunderstand Him, handle them as well and as bravely as ournonalcoholic friends often do? Can we transform thesecalamities into assets, sources of growth and comfort toourselves and those about us? Well, we surely have achance if we switch from two-stepping to twelve-step- 114STEP TWELVEping, if we are willing to receive that grace of God whichcan sustain and strengthen us in any catastrophe.Our basic troubles are the same as everyone else's, butwhen an honest effort is made to practice these principlesin all our affairs, wel l -groun ded A .A .' s s eem to have theability, by God's grace, to take these troubles in stride andturn them into demonstrations of faith. We have seen A.A.'ssuffer lingering and fatal illness with little complaint, andoften in good cheer. We have sometimes seen families bro-ken apart by misunderstanding, tensions, or actualinfidelity, who are reunited by the A.A. way of life.Though the earning power of most A.A.'s is relativelyhigh, we have some members who never seem to get ontheir feet moneywise, and still others who encounter heavyfinancial reverses. Ordinarily we see these situations metwith fortitude and faith.Like most people, we have found that we can take ourbig lumps as they come. But also like others, we often dis-cover a greater challenge in the lesser and more continuousproblems of life. Our answer is in still more spiritual devel-opment. Only by this means can we improve our chancesfor really happy and useful living. And as we grow spiritu-ally, we find that our old attitudes toward our instincts needto undergo drastic revisions. Our desires for emotional se-curity and wealth, for personal prestige and power, forromance, and for family satisfactionsall these have to betempered and redirected. We have learned that the satisfac-tion of instincts cannot be the sole end and aim of our lives.If we place instincts first, we have got the cart before thehorse; we shall be pulled backward into disillusionment. STEP TWELVE115But when we are willing to place spiritual growth firstthen and only then do we have a real chance.After we come into A.A., if we go on growing, our atti-tudes and actions toward securityemotional security andfinancial securitycommence to change profoundly. Ourdemand for emotional security, for our own way, had con-stantly thrown us into unworkable relations with otherpeople. Though we were sometimes quite unconscious ofthis, the result always had been the same. Either we hadtried to play God and dominate those about us, or we hadinsisted on being overdependent upon them. Where peoplehad temporarily let us run their lives as though they werestill children, we had felt very happy and secure ourselves.But when they finally resisted or ran away, we were bitterlyhurt and disappointed. We blamed them, being quite unableto see that our unreasonable demands had been the cause. When we had taken the opposite tack and had insisted,like infants ourselves, that people protect and take care ofus or that the world owed us a living, then the result hadbeen equally unfortunate. This often caused the people wehad loved most to push us aside or perhaps desert us entire-ly. Our disillusionment had been hard to bear. We couldn'timagine people acting that way toward us. We had failed tosee that though adult in years we were still behaving child-ishly, trying to turn everybodyfriends, wives, husbands,even the world itselfinto protective parents. We had re-fused to learn the very hard lesson that overdependenceupon people is unsuccessful because all people are fallible,and even the best of them will sometimes let us down, es-pecially when our demands for attention become 116STEP TWELVEunreasonable.As we made spiritual progress, we saw through thesefallacies. It became clear that if we ever were to feel emo-tionally secure among grown-up people, we would have toput our lives on a give-and-take basis; we would have todevelop the sense of being in partnership or brotherhoodwith all those around us. We saw that we would need togive constantly of ourselves without demands for repay-ment. When we persistently did this we gradually foundthat people were attracted to us as never before. And even ifthey failed us, we could be understanding and not too seri-ously affected.When we developed still more, we discovered the bestpossible source of emotional stability to be God Himself.We found that dependence upon His perfect justice, for-giveness, and love was healthy, and that it would workwhere nothing else would. If we really depended uponGod, we couldn't very well play God to our fellows norwould we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protectionand care. These were the new attitudes that finally broughtmany of us an inner strength and peace that could not bedeeply shaken by the shortcomings of others or by anycalamity not of our own making.This new outlook was, we learned, something especial-ly necessary to us alcoholics. For alcoholism had been alonely business, even though we had been surrounded bypeople who loved us. But when self-will had driven every-body away and our isolation had become complete, itcaused us to play the big shot in cheap barrooms and thenfare forth alone on the street to depend upon the charity of STEP TWELVE117passersby. We were still trying to find emotional security bybeing dominating or dependent upon others. Even whenour fortunes had not ebbed that much and we neverthelessfound ourselves alone in the world, we still vainly tried tobe secure by some unhealthy kind of domination or depen-dence. For those of us who were like that, A.A. had a veryspecial meaning. Through it we begin to learn right rela-tions with people who understand us; we don't have to bealone any more.Most married folks in A.A. have very happy homes. Toa surprising extent, A.A. has offset the damage to familylife brought about by years of alcoholism. But just like allother societies, we do have sex and marital problems, andsometimes they are distressingly acute. Permanent mar-riage breakups and separations, however, are unusual inA.A. Our main problem is not how we are to stay married;it is how to be more happily married by eliminating the se-vere emotional twists that have so often stemmed fromalcoholism.Nearly every sound human being experiences, at sometime in life, a compelling desire to find a mate of the oppo-site sex with whom the fullest possible union can be madespiritual, mental, emotional, and physical. This mightyurge is the root of great human accomplishments, a creativeenergy that deeply influences our lives. God fashioned usthat way. So our question will be this: How, by ignorance,compulsion, and self-will, do we misuse this gift for ourown destruction? We A.A. cannot pretend to offer full an-swers to age-old perplexities, but our own experience doesprovide certain answers that work for us. 118STEP TWELVEWhen alcoholism strikes, very unnatural situations maydevelop which work against marriage partnership and com-patible union. If the man is affected, the wife must becomethe head of the house, often the breadwinner. As matters getworse, the husband becomes a sick and irresponsible childwho needs to be looked after and extricated from endlessscrapes and impasses. Very gradually, and usually withoutany realization of the fact, the wife is forced to become themother of an erring boy. And if she had a strong maternalinstinct to begin with, the situation is aggravated. Obvious-ly not much partnership can exist under these conditions.The wife usually goes on doing the best she knows how,but meanwhile the alcoholic alternately loves and hates hermaternal care. A pattern is thereby established that may takea lot of undoing later on. Nevertheless, under the influenceof A.A.'s Twelve Steps, these situations are often set right.*When the distortion has been great, however, a long pe-riod of patient striving may be necessary. After the husbandjoins A.A., the wife may become discontented, even highlyresentful that Alcoholics Anonymous has done the verything that all her years of devotion had failed to do. Herhusband may become so wrapped up in A.A. and his newfriends that he is inconsiderately away from home morethan when he drank. Seeing her unhappiness, he recom-mends A.A.'s Twelve Steps and tries to teach her how tolive. She naturally feels that for years she has made a far*In adapted form, the Steps are also used by Al-Anon FamilyGroups. Not a part of A.A., this worldwide fellowship consists ofspouses and other relatives or friends of alcoholics (in A.A. or stilldrinking). Its headquarters address is 1600 Corporate LandingParkway, Virgina Beach, VA 23456. STEP TWELVE119better job of living than he has. Both of them blame eachother and ask when their marriage is ever going to be happyagain. They may even begin to suspect it had never beenany good in the first place.Compatibility, of course, can be so impossibly damagedthat a separation may be necessary. But those cases are theunusual ones. The alcoholic, realizing what his wife has en-dured, and now fully understanding how much he himselfdid to damage her and his children, nearly always takes uphis marriage responsibilities with a willingness to repairwhat he can and to accept what he can't. He persistentlytries all of A.A.'s Twelve Steps in his home, often with fineresults. At this point he firmly but lovingly commences tobehave like a partner instead of like a bad boy. And aboveall he is finally convinced that reckless romancing is not away of life for him.A.A. has many single alcoholics who wish to marry andare in a position to do so. Some marry fellow A.A.'s. Howdo they come out? On the whole these marriages are verygood ones. Their common suffering as drinkers, their com-mon interest in A.A. and spiritual things, often enhancesuch unions. It is only where boy meets girl on A.A. cam-pus, and love follows at first sight, that difficulties maydevelop. The prospective partners need to be solid A.A.'sand long enough acquainted to know that their compatibili-ty at spiritual, mental, and emotional levels is a fact and notwishful thinking. They need to be as sure as possible thatno deep-lying emotional handicap in either will be likely torise up under later pressures to cripple them. The considera-tions are equally true and important for the A.A.'s who 120STEP TWELVEmarry outside A.A. With clear understanding and right,grown-up attitudes, very happy results do follow. And what can be said of many A.A. members who, fora variety of reasons, cannot have a family life? At firstmany of these feel lonely, hurt, and left out as they witnessso much domestic happiness about them. If they cannothave this kind of happiness, can A.A. offer them satisfac-tions of similar worth and durability? Yeswhenever theytry hard to seek them out. Surrounded by so many A.A.friends, these so-called loners tell us they no longer feelalone. In partnership with otherswomen and mentheycan devote themselves to any number of ideas, people, andconstructive projects. Free of marital responsibilities, theycan participate in enterprises which would be denied tofamily men and women. We daily see such members renderprodigies of service, and receive great joys in return.Where the possession of money and material thingswas concerned, our outlook underwent the same revolu-tionary change. With a few exceptions, all of us had beenspendthrifts. We threw money about in every direction withthe purpose of pleasing ourselves and impressing otherpeople. In our drinking time, we acted as if the money sup-ply was inexhaustible, though between binges we'dsometimes go to the other extreme and become almostmiserly. Without realizing it we were just accumulatingfunds for the next spree. Money was the symbol of pleasureand self-importance. When our drinking had become muchworse, money was only an urgent requirement which couldsupply us with the next drink and the temporary comfort ofoblivion it brought. STEP TWELVE121Upon entering A.A., these attitudes were sharply re-versed, often going much too far in the opposite direction.The spectacle of years of waste threw us into panic. Theresimply wouldn't be time, we thought, to rebuild our shat-tered fortunes. How could we ever take care of those awfuldebts, possess a decent home, educate the kids, and setsomething by for old age? Financial importance was nolonger our principal aim; we now clamored for material se-curity. Even when we were well reestablished in ourbusiness, these terrible fears often continued to haunt us.This made us misers and penny pinchers all over again.Complete financial security we must haveor else. Weforgot that most alcoholics in A.A. have an earning powerconsiderably above average; we forgot the immense good-will of our brother A.A.'s who were only too eager to helpus to better jobs when we deserved them; we forgot the ac-tual or potential financial insecurity of every human beingin the world. And, worst of all, we forgot God. In moneymatters we had faith only in ourselves, and not too much ofthat.This all meant, of course, that we were still far off bal-ance. When a job still looked like a mere means of gettingmoney rather than an opportunity for service, when the ac-quisition of money for financial independence looked moreimportant than a right dependence upon God, we were stillthe victims of unreasonable fears. And these were fearswhich would make a serene and useful existence, at any fi-nancial level, quite impossible.But as time passed we found that with the help of A.A.'sTwelve Steps we could lose those fears, no matter what our 122STEP TWELVEmaterial prospects were. We could cheerfully perform hum-ble labor without worrying about tomorrow. If ourcircumstances happened to be good, we no longer dreadeda change for the worse, for we had learned that these trou-bles could be turned into great values. It did not matter toomuch what our material condition was, but it did matterwhat our spiritual condition was. Money gradually becameour servant and not our master. It became a means of ex-changing love and service with those about us. When, withGod's help, we calmly accepted our lot, then we found wecould live at peace with ourselves and show others who stillsuffered the same fears that they could get over them, too.We found that freedom from fear was more important thanfreedom from want.Let's here take note of our improved outlook upon theproblems of personal importance, power, ambition, andleadership. These were reefs upon which many of us cameto shipwreck during our drinking careers.Practically every boy in the United States dreams of be-coming our President. He wants to be his country's numberone man. As he gets older and sees the impossibility of this,he can smile good-naturedly at his childhood dream. In lat-er life he finds that real happiness is not to be found in justtrying to be a number one man, or even a first-rater in theheartbreaking struggle for money, romance, or self-impor-tance. He learns that he can be content as long as he playswell whatever cards life deals him. He's still ambitious, butnot absurdly so, because he can now see and accept actualreality. He's willing to stay right size.But not so with alcoholics. When A.A. was quite STEP TWELVE123young, a number of eminent psychologists and doctorsmade an exhaustive study of a good-sized group of so-called problem drinkers. The doctors weren't trying to findhow different we were from one another; they sought tofind whatever personality traits, if any, this group of alco-holics had in common. They finally came up with aconclusion that shocked the A.A. members of that time.These distinguished men had the nerve to say that most ofthe alcoholics under investigation were still childish, emo-tionally sensitive, and grandiose.How we alcoholics did resent that verdict! We wouldnot believe that our adult dreams were often truly childish.And considering the rough deal life had given us, we felt itperfectly natural that we were sensitive. As to our grandiosebehavior, we insisted that we had been possessed of noth-ing but a high and legitimate ambition to win the battle oflife.In the years since, however, most of us have come toagree with those doctors. We have had a much keener lookat ourselves and those about us. We have seen that we wereprodded by unreasonable fears or anxieties into making alife business of winning fame, money, and what we thoughtwas leadership. So false pride became the reverse side ofthat ruinous coin marked Fear. We simply had to be num-ber one people to cover up our deep-lying inferiorities. Infitful successes we boasted of greater feats to be done; indefeat we were bitter. If we didn't have much of any world-ly success we became depressed and cowed. Then peoplesaid we were of the inferior type. But now we see our-selves as chips off the same old block. At heart we had all 124STEP TWELVEbeen abnormally fearful. It mattered little whether we hadsat on the shore of life drinking ourselves into forgetfulnessor had plunged in recklessly and willfully beyond our depthand ability. The result was the sameall of us had nearlyperished in a sea of alcohol.But today, in well-matured A.A.'s, these distorted driveshave been restored to something like their true purpose anddirection. We no longer strive to dominate or rule thoseabout us in order to gain self-importance. We no longerseek fame and honor in order to be praised. When by de-voted service to family, friends, business, or community weattract widespread affection and are sometimes singled outfor posts of greater responsibility and trust, we try to behumbly grateful and exert ourselves the more in a spirit oflove and service. True leadership, we find, depends uponable example and not upon vain displays of power or glory.Still more wonderful is the feeling that we do not haveto be specially distinguished among our fellows in order tobe useful and profoundly happy. Not many of us can beleaders of prominence, nor do we wish to be. Service, glad-ly rendered, obligations squarely met, troubles wellaccepted or solved with God's help, the knowledge that athome or in the world outside we are partners in a commoneffort, the well-understood fact that in God's sight all hu-man beings are important, the proof that love freely givensurely brings a full return, the certainty that we are nolonger isolated and alone in self-constructed prisons, thesurety that we need no longer be square pegs in round holesbut can fit and belong in God's scheme of thingsthese arethe permanent and legitimate satisfactions of right living for STEP TWELVE125which no amount of pomp and circumstance, no heap ofmaterial possessions, could possibly be substitutes. Trueambition is not what we thought it was. True ambition isthe deep desire to live usefully and walk humbly under thegrace of God. These little studies of A.A. Twelve Steps now come to aclose. We have been considering so many problems that itmay appear that A.A. consists mainly of racking dilemmasand troubleshooting. To a certain extent, that is true. Wehave been talking about problems because we are problempeople who have found a way up and out, and who wish toshare our knowledge of that way with all who can use it.For it is only by accepting and solving our problems thatwe can begin to get right with ourselves and with the worldabout us, and with Him who presides over us all. Under-standing is the key to right principles and attitudes, andright action is the key to good living; therefore the joy ofgood living is the theme of A.A. Twelfth Step.With each passing day of our lives, may every one of ussense more deeply the inner meaning of A.A.'s simpleprayer:God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,Courage to change the things we can,And wisdom to know the difference.  THE TWELVE TRADITIONS  Tradition OneOur common welfare should come first;personal recovery depends upon A.A. uni-ty.THE u n i ty of Alcoholics Anonymous is the most cher-ished quality our Society has. Our lives, the lives of all tocome, depend squarely upon it. We stay whole, or A.A.dies. Without unity, the heart of A.A. would cease to beat;our world arteries would no longer carry the life-givinggrace of God; His gift to us would be spent aimlessly. Backagain in their caves, alcoholics would reproach us and say,W h at a great th i n g A .A . m i gh t h av e b een !Does this mean, some will anxiously ask, that inA.A. the individual doesn't count for much? Is he to bedominated by his group and swallowed up in it?We may certainly answer this question with a loudNo! We believe there isn't a fellowship on earth whichlavishes more devoted care upon its individual members;surely there is none which more jealously guards the indi-vidual's right to think, talk, and act as he wishes. No A.A.can compel another to do anything; nobody can be pun-ished or expelled. Our Twelve Steps to recovery aresuggestions; the Twelve Traditions which guarantee A.A.'sunity contain not a single Don ' t. Th ey repeatedl y s ay Weought . . . but never You must!To many minds all this liberty for the individual spellssheer anarchy. Every newcomer, every friend who looks at129 130TRADITION ONEA.A. for the first time is greatly puzzled. They see libertyverging on license, yet they recognize at once that A.A. hasan irresistible strength of purpose and action. How, th eyask, can such a crowd of anarchists function at all? Howcan they possibly place their common welfare first? Whatin Heaven's name holds them together?Those who look closely soon have the key to thisstrange paradox. The A.A. member has to conform to theprinciples of recovery. His life actually depends upon obe-dience to spiritual principles. If he deviates too far, thepenalty is sure and swift; he sickens and dies. At first hegoes along because he must, but later he discovers a way oflife he really wants to live. Moreover, he finds he cannotkeep this priceless gift unless he gives it away. Neither henor anybody else can survive unless he carries the A.A.message. The moment this Twelfth Step work forms agroup, another discovery is madethat most individualscannot recover unless there is a group. Realization dawnsthat he is but a small part of a great whole; that no personalsacrifice is too great for preservation of the Fellowship. Helearns that the clamor of desires and ambitions within himmust be silenced whenever these could damage the group.It becomes plain that the group must survive or the individ-ual will not.So at the outset, how best to live and work together asgroups became the prime question. In the world about uswe saw personalities destroying whole peoples. The strug-gle for wealth, power, and prestige was tearing humanityapart as never before. If strong people were stalemated inthe search for peace and harmony, what was to become of TRADITION ONE131our erratic band of alcoholics? As we had once struggledand prayed for individual recovery, just so earnestly did wecommence to quest for the principles through which A.A.itself might survive. On anvils of experience, the structureof our Society was hammered out.Countless times, in as many cities and hamlets, we re-enacted the story of Eddie Rickenbacker and his coura-geous company when their plane crashed in the Pacific.Like us, they had suddenly found themselves saved fromdeath, but still floating upon a perilous sea. How well theysaw that their common welfare came first. None might be-come selfish of water or bread. Each needed to consider theothers, and in abiding faith they knew they must find theirreal strength. And this they did find, in measure to tran-scend all the defects of their frail craft, every test ofuncertainty, pain, fear, and despair, and even the death ofone.Thus has it been with A.A. By faith and by works wehave been able to build upon the lessons of an incredibleexperience. They live today in the Twelve Traditions of Al-coholics Anonymous, whichGod willingshall sustainus in unity for so long as He may need us. Tradition TwoFor our group purpose there is but one ul-timate authoritya loving God as He mayexpress Himself in our group conscience.Our leaders are but trusted servants; theydo not govern.WHERE does A.A. get its direction? Who runs it? This,too, is a puzzler for every friend and newcomer. When toldthat our Society has no president having authority to governit, no treasurer who can compel the payment of any dues,no board of directors who can cast an erring member intoouter darkness, when indeed no A.A. can give another a di-rective and enforce obedience, our friends gasp andexclaim, This simply can't be. There must be an anglesomewhere. These practical folk then read Tradition Two,and learn that the sole authority in A.A. is a loving God asHe may express Himself in the group conscience. They du-biously ask an experienced A.A. member if this reallyworks. The member, sane to all appearances, immediatelyanswers, Yes! It definitely does. The friends mutter thatthis looks vague, nebulous, pretty naive to them. Then theycommence to watch us with speculative eyes, pick up afragment of A.A. history, and soon have the solid facts.What are these facts of A.A. life which brought us tothis apparently impractical principle?John Doe, a good A.A., moveslet us sayto Middle-town, U.S.A. Alone now, he reflects that he may not be able132 TRADITION TWO133to stay sober, or even alive, unless he passes on to other al-coholics what was so freely given him. He feels a spiritualand ethical compulsion, because hundreds may be sufferingwithin reach of his help. Then, too, he misses his homegroup. He needs other alcoholics as much as they need him.He visits preachers, doctors, editors, policemen, and bar-tenders . . . with the result that Middletown now has agroup, and he is the founder.Being the founder, he is at first the boss. Who else couldbe? Very soon, though, his assumed authority to run every-thing begins to be shared with the first alcoholics he hashelped. At this moment, the benign dictator becomes thechairman of a committee composed of his friends. Theseare the growing group's hierarchy of serviceself-appoint-ed, of course, because there is no other way. In a matter ofmonths, A.A. booms in Middletown.The founder and his friends channel spirituality to new-comers, hire halls, make hospital arrangements, and entreattheir wives to brew gallons of coffee. Being on the humanside, the founder and his friends may bask a little in glory.They say to one another, Perhaps it would be a good ideaif we continue to keep a firm hand on A.A. in this town. Af-ter all, we are experienced. Besides, look at all the goodwe've done these drunks. They should be grateful! True,founders and their friends are sometimes wiser and morehumble than this. But more often at this stage they are not.Growing pains now beset the group. Panhandlers pan-handle. Lonely hearts pine. Problems descend like anavalanche. Still more important, murmurs are heard in thebody politic, which swell into a loud cry: Do these old- 134TRADITION TWOtimers think they can run this group forever? Let's have anelection. The founder and his friends are hurt and de-pressed. They rush from crisis to crisis and from member tomember, pleading; but it's no use, the revolution is on. Thegroup conscience is about to take over.Now comes the election. If the founder and his friendshave served well, they mayto their surprisebe reinstat-ed for a time. If, however, they have heavily resisted therising tide of democracy, they may be summarily beached.In either case, the group now has a so-called rotating com-mittee, very sharply limited in its authority. In no sensewhatever can its members govern or direct the group. Theyare servants. Theirs is the sometimes thankless privilege ofdoing the group's chores. Headed by the chairman, theylook after public relations and arrange meetings. Their trea-surer, strictly accountable, takes money from the hat that ispassed, banks it, pays the rent and other bills, and makes aregular report at business meetings. The secretary sees thatliterature is on the table, looks after the phone-answeringservice, answers the mail, and sends out notices of meet-ings. Such are the simple services that enable the group tofunction. The committee gives no spiritual advice, judgesno one's conduct, issues no orders. Every one of them maybe promptly eliminated at the next election if they try this.And so they make the belated discovery that they are reallyservants, not senators. These are universal experiences.Thus throughout A.A. does the group conscience decree theterms upon which its leaders shall serve.This brings us straight to the question Does A .A . h av ea real leadership? Most emphatically the answer is Yes, TRADITION TWO135notwithstanding the apparent lack of it. Let's turn again tothe deposed founder and his friends. What becomes ofthem? As their grief and anxiety wear away, a subtlechange begins. Ultimately, they divide into two classesknown in A.A. slang as elder statesmen and bleedingdeacons. The elder statesman is the one who sees the wis-dom of the group's decision, who holds no resentment overhis reduced status, whose judgment, fortified by consider-able experience, is sound, and who is willing to sit quietlyon the sidelines patiently awaiting developments. Thebleeding deacon is one who is just as surely convinced thatthe group cannot get along without him, who constantlyconnives for reelection to office, and who continues to beconsumed with self-pity. A few hemorrhage so badly thatdrained of all A.A. spirit and principlethey get drunk. Attimes the A.A. landscape seems to be littered with bleedingforms. Nearly every oldtimer in our Society has gonethrough this process in some degree. Happily, most of themsurvive and live to become elder statesmen. They becomethe real and permanent leadership of A.A. Theirs is the qui-et opinion, the sure knowledge and humble example thatresolve a crisis. When sorely perplexed, the group in-evitably turns to them for advice. They become the voice ofthe group conscience; in fact, these are the true voice of Al-coholics Anonymous. They do not drive by mandate; theylead by example. This is the experience which has led us tothe conclusion that our group conscience, well-advised byits elders, will be in the long run wiser than any single lead-er.When A.A. was only three years old, an event occurred 136TRADITION TWOdemonstrating this principle. One of the first members ofA.A., entirely contrary to his own desires, was obliged toconform to group opinion. Here is the story in his words.On e day I was doi n g a Twelfth Step job at a hospital inNew York. The proprietor, Charlie, summoned me to hisoffice. 'Bill,' he said, 'I think it's a shame that you are finan-cially so hard up. All around you these drunks are gettingwell and making money. But you're giving this work fulltime, and you're broke. It isn't fair.' Charlie fished in hisdesk and came up with an old financial statement. Handingit to me, he continued, 'This shows the kind of money thehospital used to make back in the 1920's. Thousands of dol-lars a month. It should be doing just as well now, and itwouldif only you'd help me. So why don't you moveyour work in here? I'll give you an office, a decent drawingaccount, and a very healthy slice of the profits. Three yearsago, when my head doctor, Silkworth, began to tell me ofthe idea of helping drunks by spirituality, I thought it wascrackpot stuff, but I've changed my mind. Some day thisbunch of ex-drunks of yours will fill Madison Square Gar-den, and I don't see why you should starve meanwhile.What I propose is perfectly ethical. You can become a laytherapist, and more successful than anybody in the busi-ness.'I was bowled over. There were a few twinges of con-science until I saw how really ethical Charlie's proposalwas. There was nothing wrong whatever with becoming alay therapist. I thought of Lois coming home exhaustedfrom the department store each day, only to cook supper fora houseful of drunks who weren't paying board. I thought TRADITION TWO137of the large sum of money still owing my Wall Street credi-tors. I thought of a few of my alcoholic friends, who weremaking as much money as ever. Why shouldn't I do as wellas they?Although I asked Charlie for a little time to consider it,my own mind was about made up. Racing back to Brook-lyn on the subway, I had a seeming flash of divineguidance. It was only a single sentence, but most convinc-ing. In fact, it came right out of the Biblea voice keptsaying to me, 'The laborer is worthy of his hire.' Arrivinghome, I found Lois cooking as usual, while three drunkslooked hungrily on from the kitchen door. I drew her asideand told the glorious news. She looked interested, but not asexcited as I thought she should be.It was meeting night. Although none of the alcoholicswe boarded seemed to get sober, some others had. Withtheir wives they crowded into our downstairs parlor. Atonce I burst into the story of my opportunity. Never shall Iforget their impassive faces, and the steady gaze they fo-cused upon me. With waning enthusiasm, my tale trailedoff to the end. There was a long silence.Almost timidly, one of my friends began to speak. 'Weknow how hard up you are, Bill. It bothers us a lot. We'veoften wondered what we might do about it. But I think Ispeak for everyone here when I say that what you now pro-pose bothers us an awful lot more.' The speaker's voicegrew more confident. 'Don't you realize,' he went on, 'thatyou can never become a professional? As generous asCharlie has been to us, don't you see that we can't tie thisthing up with his hospital or any other? You tell us that 138TRADITION TWOCharlie's proposal is ethical. Sure, it's ethical, but whatwe've got won't run on ethics only; it has to be better. Sure,Charlie's idea is good, but it isn't good enough. This is amatter of life and death, Bill, and nothing but the very bestwill do!' Challengingly, my friends looked at me as theirspokesman continued. 'Bill, haven't you often said righthere in this meeting that sometimes the good is the enemyof the best? Well, this is a plain case of it. You can't do thisthing to us!'So spoke the group conscience. The group was rightand I was wrong; the voice on the subway was not thevoice of God. Here was the true voice, welling up out ofmy friends. I listened, andthank GodI obeyed. Tradition ThreeThe only requirement for A.A. membershipis a desire to stop drinking.THIS Tradition is packed with meaning. For A.A. is reallysaying to every serious drinker, You are an A.A. memberif you say so. You can declare yourself in; nobody can keepyou out. No matter who you are, no matter how low you'vegone, no matter how grave your emotional complicationseven your crimeswe still can't deny you A.A. We don'twant to keep you out. We aren't a bit afraid you'll harm us,never mind how twisted or violent you may be. We justwant to be sure that you get the same great chance for so-briety that we've had. So you're an A.A. member the minuteyou declare yourself.To establish this principle of membership took years ofharrowing experience. In our early time, nothing seemed sofragile, so easily breakable as an A.A. group. Hardly an al-coholic we approached paid any attention; most of thosewho did join us were like flickering candles in a windstorm.Time after time, their uncertain flames blew out and could-n't be relighted. Our unspoken, constant thought wasW h i ch of us m ay b e th e n ex t?A member gives us a vivid glimpse of those days. Atone time, he says, every A.A. group had many member-ship rules. Everybody was scared witless that something orsomebody would capsize the boat and dump us all back139 140TRADITION THREEinto the drink. Our Foundation office* asked each group tosend in its list of 'protective' regulations. The total list was amile long. If all those rules had been in effect everywhere,nobody could have possibly joined A.A. at all, so great wasthe sum of our anxiety and fear.We were resolved to admit nobody to A.A.. but thathypothetical class of people we termed 'pure alcoholics.'Except for their guzzling, and the unfortunate results there-of, they could have no other complications. So beggars,tramps, asylum inmates, prisoners, queers, plain crackpots,and fallen women were definitely out. Yes sir, we'd cateronly to pure and respectable alcoholics! Any others wouldsurely destroy us. Besides, if we took in those odd ones,what would decent people say about us? We built a fine-mesh fence right around A.A.M ay b e th i s s oun ds com i cal n ow. M ay b e y ou th i n k weoldtimers were pretty intolerant. But I can tell you therewas nothing funny about the situation then. We were grimbecause we felt our lives and homes were threatened, andthat was no laughing matter. Intolerant, you say? Well, wewere frightened. Naturally, we began to act like most ev-erybody does when afraid. After all, isn't fear the true basisof intolerance? Yes, we were intolerant.How could we then guess that all those fears were toprove groundless? How could we know that thousands ofthese sometimes frightening people were to make astonish-ing recoveries and become our greatest workers and*In 1954, the name of the Alcoholic Foundation, Inc., waschanged to the General Service Board of Alcoholics Anonymous,Inc., and the Foundation office is now the General Service Office. TRADITION THREE141intimate friends? Was it credible that A.A. was to have a di-vorce rate far lower than average? Could we then foreseethat troublesome people were to become our principalteachers of patience and tolerance? Could any then imaginea society which would include every conceivable kind ofcharacter, and cut across every barrier of race, creed, poli-tics, and language with ease?Why did A.A. finally drop all its membership regula-tions? Why did we leave it to each newcomer to decidehimself whether he was an alcoholic and whether he shouldjoin us? Why did we dare to say, contrary to the experienceof society and government everywhere, that we would nei-ther punish nor deprive any A.A. of membership, that wemust never compel anyone to pay anything, believe any-thing, or conform to anything?The answer, now seen in Tradition Three, was simplici-ty itself. At last experience taught us that to take away anyalcoholic's full chance was sometimes to pronounce hisdeath sentence, and often to condemn him to endless mis-ery. Who dared to be judge, jury, and executioner of hisown sick brother?As group after group saw these possibilities, they finallyabandoned all membership regulations. One dramatic expe-rience after another clinched this determination until itbecame our universal tradition. Here are two examples:On the A.A. calendar it was Year Two. In that timenothing could be seen but two struggling, nameless groupsof alcoholics trying to hold their faces up to the light.A newcomer appeared at one of these groups, knockedon the door and asked to be let in. He talked frankly with 142TRADITION THREEthat group's oldest member. He soon proved that his was adesperate case, and that above all he wanted to get well.But, he asked, wi l l y ou l et m e j oi n y our group? Si n ce Iam the victim of another addiction even worse stigmatizedthan alcoholism, you may not want me among you. Or willyou?There was the dilemma. What should the group do?The oldest member summoned two others, and in confi-dence laid the explosive facts in their laps. Said he, Well,what about it? If we turn this man away, he'll soon die. Ifwe allow him in, only God knows what trouble he'll brew.What shall the answer beyes or no?At first the elders could look only at the objections. Wedeal, they said, with alcoholics only. Shouldn't we sacri-fice this one for the sake of the many? So went thediscussion while the newcomer's fate hung in the balance.Then one of the three spoke in a very different voice.W h at we are real l y af rai d of , he said, is our reputation.We are much more afraid of what people might say thanthe trouble this strange alcoholic might bring. As we'vebeen talking, five short words have been running throughmy mind. Something keeps repeating to me, 'What wouldthe Master do?' Not an oth er word was s ai d. W h at m ore i n-deed could be said?Overjoyed, the newcomer plunged into Twelfth Stepwork. Tirelessly he laid A.A.'s message before scores ofpeople. Since this was a very early group, those scores havesince multiplied themselves into thousands. Never did hetrouble anyone with his other difficulty. A.A. had taken itsfirst step in the formation of Tradition Three. TRADITION THREE143Not long after the man with the double stigma knockedfor admission, A.A.'s other group received into its member-ship a salesman we shall call Ed. A power driver, this one,and brash as any salesman could possibly be. He had atleast an idea a minute on how to improve A.A. These ideashe sold to fellow members with the same burning enthusi-asm with which he distributed automobile polish. But hehad one idea that wasn't so salable. Ed was an atheist. Hispet obsession was that A.A. could get along better withoutits God nonsense. He browbeat everybody, and every-body expected that he'd soon get drunkfor at the time,you see, A.A. was on the pious side. There must be a heavypenalty, it was thought, for blasphemy. Distressinglyenough, Ed proceeded to stay sober.At length the time came for him to speak in a meeting.We shivered, for we knew what was coming. He paid a finetribute to the Fellowship; he told how his family had beenreunited; he extolled the virtue of honesty; he recalled thejoys of Twelfth Step work; and then he lowered the boom.Cried Ed, I can't stand this God stuff! It's a lot of malarkeyfor weak folks. This group doesn't need it, and I won't haveit! To hell with it!A great wave of outraged resentment engulfed themeeting, sweeping every member to a single resolve: Outhe goes!The elders led Ed aside. They said firmly, You can'ttalk like this around here. You'll have to quit it or get out.With great sarcasm Ed came back at them. Now do tel l ! Isthat so? He reached over to a bookshelf and took up asheaf of papers. On top of them lay the foreword to the 144TRADITION THREEbook Alcoholics Anonymous then under preparation. Heread aloud, Th e on l y requi rem en t f or A .A . m em b ers h i p i sa desire to stop drinking. Rel en tl es s l y , Ed wen t on , W h enyou guys wrote that sentence, did you mean it, or didn'tyou?Dismayed, the elders looked at one another, for theyknew he had them cold. So Ed stayed.Ed not only stayed, he stayed sobermonth aftermonth. The longer he kept dry, the louder he talkedagainst God. The group was in anguish so deep that all fra-ternal charity had vanished. W h en, oh when, groanedmembers to one another, wi l l th at guy get drun k?Quite a while later, Ed got a sales job which took himout of town. At the end of a few days, the news came in.He'd sent a telegram for money, and everybody knew whatthat meant! Then he got on the phone. In those days, we'dgo anywhere on a Twelfth Step job, no matter how un-promising. But this time nobody stirred. Leave him alone!Let him try it by himself for once; maybe he'll learn a les-son!About two weeks later, Ed stole by night into an A.A.member's house and, unknown to the family, went to bed.Daylight found the master of the house and another frienddrinking their morning coffee. A noise was heard on thestairs. To their consternation, Ed appeared. A quizzicalsmile on his lips, he said, Have you fellows had yourmorning meditation? They quickly sensed that he wasquite in earnest. In fragments, his story came out.In a neighboring state, Ed had holed up in a cheap hotel.After all his pleas for help had been rebuffed, these words TRADITION THREE145rang in his fevered mind: Th ey have deserted me. I havebeen deserted by my own kind. This is the end . . . nothingis left. A s h e tos s ed on h i s b ed, h i s h an d b rus h ed th e b u-reau near by, touching a book. Opening the book, he read. Itwas a Gideon Bible. Ed never confided any more of whathe saw and felt in that hotel room. It was the year 1938. Hehasn't had a drink since.Nowadays, when oldtimers who know Ed foregather,they exclaim, W h at i f we h ad actual l y s ucceeded i n th row-ing Ed out for blasphemy? What would have happened tohim and all the others he later helped?So the hand of Providence early gave us a sign that anyalcoholic is a member of our Society when he says so. Tradition FourEach group should be autonomous exceptin matters affecting other groups or A.A. asa whole.AUTONOMY is a ten-dollar word. But in relation to us,it means very simply that every A.A. group can manage itsaffairs exactly as it pleases, except when A.A. as a whole isthreatened. Comes now the same question raised in Tradi-tion One. Isn't such liberty foolishly dangerous?Over the years, every conceivable deviation from ourTwelve Steps and Traditions has been tried. That was sureto be, since we are so largely a band of ego-driven individ-ualists. Children of chaos, we have defiantly played withevery brand of fire, only to emerge unharmed and, wethink, wiser. These very deviations created a vast process oftrial and error which, under the grace of God, has broughtus to where we stand today.When A.A.'s Traditions were first published, in 1946,we had become sure that an A.A. group could stand almostany amount of battering. We saw that the group, exactlylike the individual, must eventually conform to whatevertested principles would guarantee survival. We had discov-ered that there was perfect safety in the process of trial anderror. So confident of this had we become that the originalstatement of A.A. tradition carried this significant sentence:Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety146 TRADITION FOUR147may call themselves an A.A. group provided that as a groupthey have no other affiliation.This meant, of course, that we had been given thecourage to declare each A.A. group an individual entity,strictly reliant on its own conscience as a guide to action. Incharting this enormous expanse of freedom, we found itnecessary to post only two storm signals: A group ought notdo anything which would greatly injure A.A. as a whole,nor ought it affiliate itself with anything or anybody else.There would be real danger should we commence to callsome groups wet, oth ers dry , s till others Republicanor Communist, an d y et oth ers Catholic or ProtestantThe A.A. group would have to stick to its course or behopelessly lost. Sobriety had to be its sole objective. In allother respects there was perfect freedom of will and action.Every group had the right to be wrong.When A.A. was still young, lots of eager groups wereforming. In a town we'll call Middleton, a real crackerjackhad started up. The townspeople were as hot as firecrackersabout it. Stargazing, the elders dreamed of innovations.They figured the town needed a great big alcoholic center, akind of pilot plant A.A. groups could duplicate everywhere.Beginning on the ground floor there would be a club; in thesecond story they would sober up drunks and hand themcurrency for their back debts; the third deck would housean educational projectquite noncontroversial, of course.In imagination the gleaming center was to go up severalstories more, but three would do for a start. This would alltake a lot of moneyother people's money. Believe it ornot, wealthy townsfolk bought the idea. 148TRADITION FOURThere were, though, a few conservative dissentersamong the alcoholics. They wrote the Foundation* , A.A.'sheadquarters in New York, wanting to know about this sortof streamlining. They understood that the elders, just to nailthings down good, were about to apply to the Foundationfor a charter. These few were disturbed and skeptical.Of course, there was a promoter in the deala super-promoter. By his eloquence he allayed all fears, despite ad-vice from the Foundation that it could issue no charter, andthat ventures which mixed an A.A. group with medicationand education had come to sticky ends elsewhere. To makethings safer, the promoter organized three corporations andbecame president of them all. Freshly painted, the new cen-ter shone. The warmth of it all spread through the town.Soon things began to hum. To insure foolproof, continuousoperation, sixty-one rules and regulations were adopted.But alas, this bright scene was not long in darkening.Confusion replaced serenity. It was found that some drunksyearned for education, but doubted if they were alcoholics.The personality defects of others could be cured maybewith a loan. Some were club-minded, but it was just a ques-tion of taking care of the lonely heart. Sometimes theswarming applicants would go for all three floors. Somewould start at the top and come through to the bottom, be-coming club members; others started in the club, pitched abinge, were hospitalized, then graduated to education onthe third floor. It was a beehive of activity, all right, but un-*In 1954, the name of the Alcoholic Foundation, Inc., waschanged to the General Service Board of Alcoholics Anonymous,Inc., and the Foundation office is now the General Service Office. TRADITION FOUR149like a beehive, it was confusion compounded. An A.A.group, as such, simply couldn't handle this sort of project.All too late that was discovered. Then came the inevitableexplosionsomething like that day the boiler burst inWombley's Clapboard Factory. A chill chokedamp of fearand frustration fell over the group.When that lifted, a wonderful thing had happened. Thehead promoter wrote the Foundation office. He said hewished he'd paid some attention to A.A. experience. Thenhe did something else that was to become an A.A. classic. Itall went on a little card about golf-score size. The coverread: M i ddl eton Group #1. Rul e #62. On ce th e card wasunfolded, a single pungent sentence leaped to the eye:Don ' t take y ours el f too dam n s eri ous l y .Thus it was that under Tradition Four an A.A. grouphad exercised its right to be wrong. Moreover, it had per-formed a great service for Alcoholics Anonymous, becauseit had been humbly willing to apply the lessons it learned. Ithad picked itself up with a laugh and gone on to betterthings. Even the chief architect, standing in the ruins of hisdream, could laugh at himselfand that is the very acme ofhumility. Tradition FiveEach group has but one primary purposeto carry the message to the alcoholic whostill suffers. SHOEMAKER, stick to thy last!... better do one thingsupremely well than many badly. That is the central themeof this Tradition. Around it our Society gathers in unity. Thevery life of our Fellowship requires the preservation of thisprinciple.Alcoholics Anonymous can be likened to a group ofphysicians who might find a cure for cancer, and uponwhose concerted work would depend the answer for suffer-ers of this disease. True, each physician in such a groupmight have his own specialty. Every doctor concernedwould at times wish he could devote himself to his chosenfield rather than work only with the group. But once thesemen had hit upon a cure, once it became apparent that onlyby their united effort could this be accomplished, then all ofthem would feel bound to devote themselves solely to therelief of cancer. In the radiance of such a miraculous dis-covery, any doctor would set his other ambitions aside, atwhatever personal cost.Just as firmly bound by obligation are the members ofAlcoholics Anonymous, who have demonstrated that theycan help problem drinkers as others seldom can. Theunique ability of each A.A. to identify himself with, and150 TRADITION FIVE151bring recovery to, the newcomer in no way depends uponhis learning, eloquence, or on any special individual skills.The only thing that matters is that he is an alcoholic whohas found a key to sobriety. These legacies of suffering andof recovery are easily passed among alcoholics, one to theother. This is our gift from God, and its bestowal upon oth-ers like us is the one aim that today animates A.A.'s allaround the globe.There is another reason for this singleness of purpose. Itis the great paradox of A.A. that we know we can seldomkeep the precious gift of sobriety unless we give it away. Ifa group of doctors possessed a cancer cure, they might beconscience-stricken if they failed their mission through self-seeking. Yet such a failure wouldn't jeopardize their person-al survival. For us, if we neglect those who are still sick,there is unremitting danger to our own lives and sanity. Un-der these compulsions of self-preservation, duty, and love,it is not strange that our Society has concluded that it hasbut one high missionto carry the A.A. message to thosewho don't know there's a way out.Highlighting the wisdom of A.A.'s single purpose, amember tells this story:Restless one day, I felt I'd better do some Twelfth Stepwork. Maybe I should take out some insurance against aslip. But first I'd have to find a drunk to work on.So I hopped the subway to Towns Hospital, where Iasked Dr. Silkworth if he had a prospect. 'Nothing toopromising,' the little doc said. 'There's just one chap on thethird floor who might be a possibility. But he's an awfullytough Irishman. I never saw a man so obstinate. He shouts 152TRADITION FIVEthat if his partner would treat him better, and his wife wouldleave him alone, he'd soon solve his alcohol problem. He'shad a bad case of D.T.'s, he's pretty foggy, and he's verysuspicious of everybody. Doesn't sound too good, does it?But working with him may do something for you, so whydon't you have a go at it?'I was soon sitting beside a big hulk of a man. Decided-ly unfriendly, he stared at me out of eyes which were slits inhis red and swollen face. I had to agree with the doctorhecertainly didn't look good. But I told him my own story. Iexplained what a wonderful Fellowship we had, how wellwe understood each other. I bore down hard on the hope-lessness of the drunk's dilemma. I insisted that few drunkscould ever get well on their own steam, but that in ourgroups we could do together what we could not do sepa-rately. He interrupted to scoff at this and asserted he'd fixhis wife, his partner, and his alcoholism by himself. Sarcas-tically he asked, 'How much does your scheme cost?'I was thankful I could tell him, 'Nothing at all.'Hi s n ex t ques ti on : ' W h at are you getting out of it?'Of course, my answer was 'My own sobriety and amighty happy life.'Still dubious, he demanded, 'Do you really mean theonly reason you are here is to try and help me and to helpyourself?''Yes,' I said. 'That's absolutely all there is to it. There'sno angle.'Th en , h es i tan tl y , I v en tured to tal k ab out th e s pi ri tualside of our program. What a freeze that drunk gave me! I'dno sooner got the word 'spiritual' out of my mouth than he TRADITION FIVE153pounced. 'Oh!' he said. 'Now I get it! You're proselytizingfor some damn religious sect or other. Where do you getthat no angle stuff? I belong to a great church that meanseverything to me. You've got a nerve to come in here talk-ing religion!'Th an k h eav en I cam e up wi th th e ri gh t an s wer f or th atone. It was based foursquare on the single purpose of A.A.'You have faith,' I said. 'Perhaps far deeper faith than mine.No doubt you're better taught in religious matters than I. SoI can't tell you anything about religion. I don't even want totry. I'll bet, too, that you could give me a letter-perfect defi-nition of humility. But from what you've told me aboutyourself and your problems and how you propose to lickthem, I think I know what's wrong.''Okay,' he said. 'Give me the business.''Well,' said I, 'I think you're just a conceited Irishmanwho thinks he can run the whole show.'Th i s real l y rocked h i m . But as h e cal m ed down , h e b e-gan to listen while I tried to show him that humility was themain key to sobriety. Finally, he saw that I wasn't attempt-ing to change his religious views, that I wanted him to findthe grace in his own religion that would aid his recovery.From there on we got along fine.Now, con cl udes the oldtimer, suppose I'd beenobliged to talk to this man on religious grounds? Supposemy answer had to be that A.A. needed a lot of money; thatA.A. went in for education, hospitals, and rehabilitation?Suppose I'd suggested that I'd take a hand in his domesticand business affairs? Where would we have wound up? Noplace, of course. 154TRADITION FIVEYears later, this tough Irish customer liked to say, M ysponsor sold me one idea, and that was sobriety. At thetime, I couldn't have bought anything else. Tradition SixAn A.A. group ought never endorse, fi-nance or lend the A.A. name to any relatedfacility or outside enterprise, lest problemsof money, property and prestige divert usfrom our primary purpose.THE m o m e n t we saw that we had an answer for alco-holism, it was reasonable (or so it seemed at the time) for usto feel that we might have the answer to a lot of otherthings. The A.A. groups, many thought, could go into busi-ness, might finance any enterprise whatever in the totalfield of alcoholism. In fact, we felt duty-bound to throw thewhole weight of the A.A. name behind any meritoriouscause.Here are some of the things we dreamed. Hospitals did-n't like alcoholics, so we thought we'd build a hospital chainof our own. People needed to be told what alcoholism was,so we'd educate the public, even rewrite school and medicaltextbooks. We'd gather up derelicts from skid rows, sort outthose who could get well, and make it possible for the restto earn their livelihood in a kind of quarantined confine-ment. Maybe these places would make large sums ofmoney to carry on our other good works. We seriouslythought of rewriting the laws of the land, and having it de-clared that alcoholics are sick people. No more would theybe jailed; judges would parole them in our custody. We'dspill A.A. into the dark regions of dope addiction and crimi-155 156TRADITION SIXnality. We'd form groups of depressive and paranoid folks;the deeper the neurosis, the better we'd like it. It stood toreason that if alcoholism could be licked, so could anyproblem.It occurred to us that we could take what we had intothe factories and cause laborers and capitalists to love eachother. Our uncompromising honesty might soon clean uppolitics. With one arm around the shoulder of religion andthe other around the shoulder of medicine, we'd resolvetheir differences. Having learned to live so happily, we'dshow everybody else how. Why, we thought, our Society ofAlcoholics Anonymous might prove to be the spearhead ofa new spiritual advance! We might transform the world.Yes, we of A.A. did dream those dreams. How naturalthat was, since most alcoholics are bankrupt idealists. Near-ly every one of us had wished to do great good, performgreat deeds, and embody great ideals. We are all perfection-ists who, failing perfection, have gone to the other extremeand settled for the bottle and the blackout. Providence,through A.A., had brought us within reach of our highestexpectations. So why shouldn't we share our way of lifewith everyone?Whereupon we tried A.A. hospitalsthey all boggeddown because you cannot put an A.A. group into business;too many busybody cooks spoil the broth. A.A. groups hadtheir fling at education, and when they began to publiclywhoop up the merits of this or that brand, people becameconfused. Did A.A. fix drunks or was it an educationalproject? Was A.A. spiritual or was it medical? Was it a re-form movement? In consternation, we saw ourselves TRADITION SIX157getting married to all kinds of enterprises, some good andsome not so good. Watching alcoholics committed willy-nilly to prisons or asylums, we began to cry, Th ere ough ttabe a law! A .A .' s com m en ced to th um p tab l es i n l egi s l ati v ecommittee rooms and agitated for legal reform. That madegood newspaper copy, but little else. We saw we'd soon bemired in politics. Even inside A.A. we found it imperativeto remove the A.A. name from clubs and Twelfth Stephouses.These adventures implanted a deep-rooted convictionthat in no circumstances could we endorse any related en-terprise, no matter how good. We of AlcoholicsAnonymous could not be all things to all men, nor shouldwe try.Years ago this principle of no endorsement was put toa vital test. Some of the great distilling companies proposedto go into the field of alcohol education. It would be a goodthing, they believed, for the liquor trade to show a sense ofpublic responsibility. They wanted to say that liquor shouldbe enjoyed, not misused; hard drinkers ought to slow down,and problem drinkersalcoholicsshould not drink at all.In one of their trade associations, the question arose ofjust how this campaign should be handled. Of course, theywould use the resources of radio, press, and films to maketheir point. But what kind of person should head the job?They immediately thought of Alcoholics Anonymous. Ifthey could find a good public relations man in our ranks,why wouldn't he be ideal? He'd certainly know the prob-lem. His connection with A.A. would be valuable, becausethe Fellowship stood high in public favor and hadn't an en- 158TRADITION SIXemy in the world.Soon they'd spotted their man, an A.A. with the neces-sary experience. Straightway he appeared at New York'sA.A. headquarters, asking, Is there anything in our tradi-tion that suggests I shouldn't take a job like this one? Thekind of education seems good to me, and is not too contro-versial. Do you headquarters folks see any bugs in it?At first glance, it did look like a good thing. Then doubtcrept in. The association wanted to use our member's fullname in all its advertising; he was to be described both asits director of publicity and as a member of AlcoholicsAnonymous. Of course, there couldn't be the slightest ob-jection if such an association hired an A.A. member solelybecause of his public relations ability and his knowledge ofalcoholism. But that wasn't the whole story, for in this casenot only was an A.A. member to break his anonymity at apublic level, he was to link the name Alcoholics Anony-mous to this particular educational project in the minds ofmillions. It would be bound to appear that A.A. was nowbacking educationliquor trade association style.The minute we saw this compromising fact for what itwas, we asked the prospective publicity director how he feltabout it. Great guns! he said. Of cours e I can ' t take th ejob. The ink wouldn't be dry on the first ad before an awfulshriek would go up from the dry camp. They'd be out withlanterns looking for an honest A.A. to plump for theirbrand of education. A.A. would land exactly in the middleof the wet-dry controversy. Half the people in this countrywould think we'd signed up with the drys, the other halfwould think we'd joined the wets. What a mess! TRADITION SIX159Nev erth el es s , we poi n ted out, you still have a legalright to take this job.I know that, he said. But this is no time for legalities.Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life, and it comes first. Icertainly won't be the guy to land A.A. in big-time trouble,and this would really do it!Concerning endorsements, our friend had said it all. Wesaw as never before that we could not lend the A.A. nameto any cause other than our own. Tradition SevenEvery A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contribu-tions.SELF-SUPPORTING a l c o h o l i c s? Who ever heard ofsuch a thing? Yet we find that's what we have to be. Thisprinciple is telling evidence of the profound change thatA.A. has wrought in all of us. Everybody knows that activealcoholics scream that they have no troubles money can'tcure. Always, we've had our hands out. Time out of mindwe've been dependent upon somebody, usually money-wise. When a society composed entirely of alcoholics saysit's going to pay its bills, that's really news.Probably no A.A. Tradition had the labor pains this onedid. In early times, we were all broke. When you add to thisthe habitual supposition that people ought to give money toalcoholics trying to stay sober, it can be understood why wethought we deserved a pile of folding money. What greatthings A.A. would be able to do with it! But oddly enough,people who had money thought otherwise. They figuredthat it was high time we nowsoberpaid our own way.So our Fellowship stayed poor because it had to.There was another reason for our collective poverty. Itwas soon apparent that while alcoholics would spend lav-ishly on Twelfth Step cases, they had a terrific aversion todropping money into a meeting-place hat for group purpos-160 TRADITION SEVEN161es. We were astounded to find that we were as tight as thebark on a tree. So A.A., the movement, started and stayedbroke, while its individual members waxed prosperous.Alcoholics are certainly all-or-nothing people. Our re-actions to money prove this. As A.A. emerged from itsinfancy into adolescence, we swung from the idea that weneeded vast sums of money to the notion that A.A. should-n't have any. On every lip were the words You can't mixA.A. and money. We shall have to separate the spiritualfrom the material. We took this violent new tack becausehere and there members had tried to make money out oftheir A.A. connections, and we feared we'd be exploited.Now and then, grateful benefactors had endowed clubhous-es, and as a result there was sometimes outside interferencein our affairs. We had been presented with a hospital, andalmost immediately the donor's son became its principalpatient and would-be manager. One A.A. group was givenfive thousand dollars to do with what it would. The hassleover that chunk of money played havoc for years. Fright-ened by these complications, some groups refused to have acent in their treasuries.Despite these misgivings, we had to recognize the factthat A.A. had to function. Meeting places cost something.To save whole areas from turmoil, small offices had to beset up, telephones installed, and a few full-time secretarieshired. Over many protests, these things were accomplished.We saw that if they weren't, the man coming in the doorcouldn't get a break. These simple services would requiresmall sums of money which we could and would pay our-selves. At last the pendulum stopped swinging and pointed 162TRADITION SEVENstraight at Tradition Seven as it reads today.In this connection, Bill likes to tell the following point-ed story. He explains that when Jack Alexander's SaturdayEvening Post piece broke in 1941, thousands of frantic let-ters from distraught alcoholics and their families hit theFoundation* letterbox in New York. Our of f i ce s taf f , Bi l lsays, consisted of two people: one devoted secretary andmyself. How could this landslide of appeals be met? We'dhave to have some more full-time help, that was sure. Sowe asked the A.A. groups for voluntary contributions.Would they send us a dollar a member a year? Otherwisethis heartbreaking mail would have to go unanswered.To my surprise, the response of the groups was slow. Igot mighty sore about it. Looking at this avalanche of mailone morning at the office, I paced up and down rantinghow irresponsible and tightwad my fellow members were.Just then an old acquaintance stuck a tousled and achinghead in the door. He was our prize slippee. I could see hehad an awful hangover. Remembering some of my own,my heart filled with pity. I motioned him to my inside cubi-cle and produced a five-dollar bill. As my total income wasthirty dollars a week at the time, this was a fairly large do-nation. Lois really needed the money for groceries, but thatdidn't stop me. The intense relief on my friend's facewarmed my heart. I felt especially virtuous as I thought ofall the ex-drunks who wouldn't even send the Foundation adollar apiece, and here I was gladly making a five-dollar in-*In 1954, the name of the Alcoholic Foundation, Inc., waschanged to the General Service Board of Alcoholics Anonymous,Inc., and the Foundation office is now the General Service Office. TRADITION SEVEN163vestment to fix a hangover.Th e m eeti n g th at n i gh t was at New York's old 24thStreet Clubhouse. During the intermission, the treasurergave a timid talk on how broke the club was. (That was inthe period when you couldn't mix money and A.A. ) But fi-nally he said itthe landlord would put us out if we didn'tpay up. He concluded his remarks by saying, 'Now boys,please go heavier on the hat tonight, will you?'I heard all this quite plainly, as I was piously trying toconvert a newcomer who sat next to me. The hat came inmy direction, and 1 reached into my pocket. Still workingon my prospect, I fumbled and came up with a fifty-centpiece. Somehow it looked like a very big coin. Hastily, Idropped it back and fished out a dime, which clinked thinlyas I dropped it in the hat. Hats never got folding money inthose days.Th en I woke up. I wh o h ad b oas ted m y gen eros i ty th atmorning was treating my own club worse than the distantalcoholics who had forgotten to send the Foundation theirdollars. I realized that my five-dollar gift to the slippee wasan ego-feeding proposition, bad for him and bad for me.There was a place in A.A. where spirituality and moneywould mix, and that was in the hat!There is another story about money. One night in 1948,the trustees of the Foundation were having their quarterlymeeting. The agenda discussion included a very importantquestion. A certain lady had died. When her will was read,it was discovered she had left Alcoholics Anonymous intrust with the Alcoholic Foundation a sum of ten thousanddollars. The question was: Should A.A. take the gift? 164TRADITION SEVENWhat a debate we had on that one! The Foundation wasreally hard up just then; the groups weren't sending inenough for the support of the office; we had been tossing inall the book income and even that hadn't been enough. Thereserve was melting like snow in springtime. We neededthat ten thousand dollars. M ay b e, s om e s ai d, the groupswill never fully support the office. We can't let it shut down;it's far too vital. Yes, let's take the money. Let's take all suchdonations in the future. We're going to need them.Then came the opposition. They pointed out that theFoundation board already knew of a total of half a milliondollars set aside for A.A. in the wills of people still alive.Heaven only knew how much there was we hadn't heardabout. If outside donations weren't declined, absolutely cutoff, then the Foundation would one day become rich.Moreover, at the slightest intimation to the general publicfrom our trustees that we needed money, we could becomeimmensely rich. Compared to this prospect, the ten thou-sand dollars under consideration wasn't much, but like thealcoholic's first drink it would, if taken, inevitably set up adisastrous chain reaction. Where would that land us? Who-ever pays the piper is apt to call the tune, and if the A.A.Foundation obtained money from outside sources, itstrustees might be tempted to run things without reference tothe wishes of A.A. as a whole. Relieved of responsibility,every alcoholic would shrug and say, Oh , th e F oun dati onis wealthywhy should 1 bother? Th e pres s ure of th at f attreasury would surely tempt the board to invent all kinds ofschemes to do good with such funds, and so divert A.A.from its primary purpose. The moment that happened, our TRADITION SEVEN165Fellowship's confidence would be shaken. The boardwould be isolated, and would fall under heavy attack ofcriticism from both A..A. and the public. These were thepossibilities, pro and con.Then our trustees wrote a bright page of A.A. history.They declared for the principle that A.A. must always staypoor. Bare running expenses plus a prudent reserve wouldhenceforth be the Foundation's financial policy. Difficult asit was, they officially declined that ten thousand dollars, andadopted a formal, airtight resolution that all such futuregifts would be similarly declined. At that moment, we be-lieve, the principle of corporate poverty was firmly andfinally embedded in A.A. tradition.When these facts were printed, there was a profound re-action. To people familiar with endless drives for charitablefunds, A.A. presented a strange and refreshing spectacle.Approving editorials here and abroad generated a wave ofconfidence in the integrity of Alcoholics Anonymous. Theypointed out that the irresponsible had become responsible,and that by making financial independence part of its tradi-tion, Alcoholics Anonymous had revived an ideal that itsera had almost forgotten. Tradition EightAlcoholics Anonymous should remain for-ever nonprofessional, but our service cen-ters may employ special workers.ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS wi ll never have a pro-fessional class. We have gained some understanding of theancient words Freely ye have received, freely give. Wehave discovered that at the point of professionalism, moneyand spirituality do not mix. Almost no recovery from alco-holism has ever been brought about by the world's bestprofessionals, whether medical or religious. We do not de-cry professionalism in other fields, but we accept the soberfact that it does not work for us. Every time we have triedto professionalize our Twelfth Step, the result has been ex-actly the same: Our single purpose has been defeated.Alcoholics simply will not listen to a paid twelfth-step-per. Almost from the beginning, we have been positive thatface-to-face work with the alcoholic who suffers could bebased only on the desire to help and be helped. When anA.A. talks for money, whether at a meeting or to a singlenewcomer, it can have a very bad effect on him, too. Themoney motive compromises him and everything he saysand does for his prospect. This has always been so obviousthat only a very few A.A.'s have ever worked the TwelfthStep for a fee.Despite this certainty, it is nevertheless true that fewsubjects have been the cause of more contention within our166 TRADITION EIGHT167Fellowship than professionalism. Caretakers who sweptfloors, cooks who fried hamburgers, secretaries in offices,authors writing booksall these we have seen hotly as-sailed because they were, as their critics angrily remarked,making money out of A.A. Ignoring the fact that theselabors were not Twelfth Step jobs at all, the critics attackedas A.A. professionals these workers of ours who were oftendoing thankless tasks that no one else could or would do.Even greater furors were provoked when A.A. membersbegan to run rest homes and farms for alcoholics, whensome hired out to corporations as personnel men in chargeof the alcoholic problem in industry, when some becamenurses on alcoholic wards, when others entered the field ofalcohol education. In all these instances, and more, it wasclaimed that A.A. knowledge and experience were beingsold for money, hence these people, too, were profession-als.At last, however, a plain line of cleavage could be seenbetween professionalism and nonprofessionalism. Whenwe had agreed that the Twelfth Step couldn't be sold formoney, we had been wise. But when we had declared thatour Fellowship couldn't hire service workers nor could anyA.A. member carry our knowledge into other fields, wewere taking the counsel of fear, fear which today has beenlargely dispelled in the light of experience.Take the case of the club janitor and cook. If a club isgoing to function, it has to be habitable and hospitable. Wetried volunteers, who were quickly disenchanted withsweeping floors and brewing coffee seven days a week.They just didn't show up. Even more important, an empty 168TRADITION EIGHTclub couldn't answer its telephone, but it was an open invi-tation to a drunk on a binge who possessed a spare key. Sosomebody had to look after the place full time. If we hiredan alcoholic, he'd receive only what we'd have to pay anonalcoholic for the same job. The job was not to doTwelfth Step work; it was to make Twelfth Step work pos-sible. It was a service proposition, pure and simple.Neither could A.A. itself function without full-timeworkers. At the Foundation* a nd intergroup offices, wecouldn't employ nonalcoholics as secretaries; we had tohave people who knew the A.A. pitch. But the minute wehired them, the ultraconservative and fearful ones shrilled,Professionalism! A t on e peri od, th e s tatus of th es e f ai th-ful servants was almost unbearable. They weren't asked tospeak at A.A. meetings because they were making moneyout of A.A. A t ti m es , th ey were actually shunned by fel-low members. Even the charitably disposed described themas a necessary evil. Committees took full advantage ofthis attitude to depress their salaries. They could regainsome measure of virtue, it was thought, if they worked forA.A. real cheap. These notions persisted for years. Then wesaw that if a hardworking secretary answered the phonedozens of times a day, listened to twenty wailing wives, ar-ranged hospitalization and got sponsorship for tennewcomers, and was gently diplomatic with the irate drunkwho complained about the job she was doing and how shewas overpaid, then such a person could surely not be called*In 1954, the name of the Alcoholic Foundation, Inc., waschanged to the General Service Board of Alcoholics Anonymous,Inc., and the Foundation office is now the General Service Office. TRADITION EIGHT169a professional A.A. She was not professionalizing theTwelfth Step; she was just making it possible. She washelping to give the man coming in the door the break heought to have. Volunteer committeemen and assistantscould be of great help, but they could not be expected tocarry this load day in and day out.At the Foundation, the same story repeats itself. Eighttons of books and literature per month do not package andchannel themselves all over the world. Sacks of letters onevery conceivable A.A. problem ranging from a lonely-heart Eskimo to the growing pains of thousands of groupsmust be answered by people who know. Right contactswith the world outside have to be maintained. A.A.'s life-lines have to be tended. So we hire A.A. staff members. Wepay them well, and they earn what they get. They are pro-fessional secretaries,* but they certainly are not professionalA.A.'s.Perhaps the fear will always lurk in every A.A. heartthat one day our name will be exploited by somebody forreal cash. Even the suggestion of such a thing never fails towhip up a hurricane, and we have discovered that hurri-canes have a way of mauling with equal severity both thejust and the unjust. They are always unreasonable.No individuals have been more buffeted by such emo-tional gusts than those A.A.'s bold enough to acceptemployment with outside agencies dealing with the alcohol*The work of present-day staff members has no counterpartamong the job categories of commercial organizations. TheseA.A.'s bring a wide range of business and professional experienceto their service at G.S.O. 170TRADITION EIGHTproblem. A university wanted an A.A. member to educatethe public on alcoholism. A corporation wanted a personnelman familiar with the subject. A state drunk farm wanted amanager who could really handle inebriates. A city wantedan experienced social worker who understood what alcoholcould do to a family. A state alcohol commission wanted apaid researcher. These are only a few of the jobs whichA.A. members as individuals have been asked to fill. Nowand then, A.A. members have bought farms or rest homeswhere badly beat-up topers could find needed care. Thequestion wasand sometimes still isare such activitiesto be branded as professionalism under A.A. tradition?We think the answer is No. M em b ers wh o s el ect s uchfull-time careers do not professionalize A.A.'s TwelfthStep. Th e road to th i s con cl us i on was l on g an d rocky . A tfirst, we couldn't see the real issue involved. In former days,the moment an A.A. hired out to such enterprises, he wasimmediately tempted to use the name Alcoholics Anony-mous for publicity or money-raising purposes. Drunkfarms, educational ventures, state legislatures, and commis-sions advertised the fact that A.A. members served them.Unthinkingly, A.A.'s so employed recklessly brokeanonymity to thump the tub for their pet enterprise. For thisreason, some very good causes and all connected with themsuffered unjust criticism from A.A. groups. More often thannot, these onslaughts were spearheaded by the cry Profes-sionalism! That guy is making money out of A.A.! Yet nota single one of them had been hired to do A.A.'s TwelfthStep work. The violation in these instances was not profes-sionalism at all; it was breaking anonymity. A.A.'s sole TRADITION EIGHT171purpose was being compromised, and the name of Alco-holics Anonymous was being misused. It is significant, now that almost no A.A. in our Fellow-ship breaks anonymity at the public level, that nearly allthese fears have subsided. We see that we have no right orneed to discourage A.A.'s who wish to work as individualsin these wider fields. It would be actually antisocial werewe to forbid them. We cannot declare A.A. such a closedcorporation that we keep our knowledge and experience topsecret. If an A.A. member acting as a citizen can become abetter researcher, educator, personnel officer, then why not?Everybody gains and we have lost nothing. True, some ofthe projects to which A.A.'s have attached themselves havebeen ill-conceived, but that makes not the slightest differ-ence with the principle involved.This is the exciting welter of events which has finallycast up A.A.'s Tradition of nonprofessionalism. Our TwelfthStep is never to be paid for. but those who labor in servicefor us are worthy of their hire. Tradition NineA.A., as such, ought never be organized;but we may create service boards or com-mittees directly responsible to those theyserve.WHEN Tradition Nine was first written, it said that Al-coholics Anonymous needs the least possible organization.In years since then, we have changed our minds about that.Today, we are able to say with assurance that AlcoholicsAnonymousA.A. as a wholeshould never be orga-nized at all. Then, in seeming contradiction, we proceed tocreate special service boards and committees which inthemselves are organized. How, then, can we have an unor-ganized movement which can and does create a serviceorganization for itself? Scanning this puzzler, people say,W h at do th ey m ean , n o organ i zati on ?Well, let's see. Did anyone ever hear of a nation, achurch, a political party, even a benevolent association thathad no membership rules? Did anyone ever hear of a soci-ety which couldn't somehow discipline its members andenforce obedience to necessary rules and regulations?Doesn't nearly every society on earth give authority tosome of its members to impose obedience upon the rest andto punish or expel offenders? Therefore, every nation, infact every form of society, has to be a government adminis-tered by human beings. Power to direct or govern is theessence of organization everywhere.172 TRADITION NINE173Yet Alcoholics Anonymous is an exception. It does notconform to this pattern. Neither its General Service Confer-ence, its Foundation Board,* n or the humblest groupcommittee can issue a single directive to an A.A. memberand make it stick, let alone mete out any punishment. We'vetried it lots of times, but utter failure is always the result.Groups have tried to expel members, but the banished havecome back to sit in the meeting place, saying, This is lifefor us; you can't keep us out. Com m i ttees h av e i n s tructedmany an A.A. to stop working on a chronic backslider, onlyto be told: How I do my Twelfth Step work is my busi-ness. Who are you to judge? This doesn't mean an A.A.won't take advice or suggestions from more experiencedmembers, but he surely won't take orders. Who is more un-popular than the oldtime A.A., full of wisdom, who movesto another area and tries to tell the group there how to runits business? He and all like him who view with alarm forthe good of A.A. meet the most stubborn resistance or,worse still, laughter.You might think A.A.'s headquarters in New Yorkwould be an exception. Surely, the people there would haveto have some authority. But long ago, trustees and staffmembers alike found they could do no more than makesuggestions, and very mild ones at that. They even had tocoin a couple of sentences which still go into half the lettersthey write: Of course, you are at perfect liberty to handlethis matter any way you please. But the majority experience*In 1954, the name of the Alcoholic Foundation, Inc., waschanged to the General Service Board of Alcoholics Anonymous,Inc., and the Foundation office is now the General Service Office. 174TRADITION NINEin A.A. does seem to suggest . . . Now, that attitude is farremoved from central government, isn't it? We recognizethat alcoholics can't be dictated toindividually or collec-tively.At this juncture, we can hear a churchman exclaim,Th ey are m aki n g di s ob edi en ce a v i rtue! He i s j oi n ed b y apsychiatrist who says, Def i an t b rats ! Th ey won ' t grow upand conform to social usage! Th e m an i n th e s treet s ay s , Idon't understand it. They must be nuts! But all these ob-servers have overlooked something unique in AlcoholicsAnonymous. Unless each A.A. member follows to the bestof his ability our suggested Twelve Steps to recovery, he al-most certainly signs his own death warrant. Hisdrunkenness and dissolution are not penalties inflicted bypeople in authority; they result from his personal disobedi-ence to spiritual principles.The same stern threat applies to the group itself. Unlessthere is approximate conformity to A.A.'s Twelve Tradi-tions, the group, too, can deteriorate and die. So we of A.A.do obey spiritual principles, first because we must, and ulti-mately because we love the kind of life such obediencebrings. Great suffering and great love are A.A.'s disciplinar-ians; we need no others.It is clear now that we ought never to name boards togovern us, but it is equally clear that we shall always needto authorize workers to serve us. It is the difference be-tween the spirit of vested authority and the spirit of service,two concepts which are sometimes poles apart. It is in thisspirit of service that we elect the A.A. group's informal ro-tating committee, the intergroup association for the area, TRADITION NINE175and the General Service Conferences of Alcoholics Anony-mous for A.A. as a whole. Even our Foundation, once anindependent board, is today directly accountable to our Fel-lowship. Its trustees are the caretakers and expediters of ourworld services.Just as the aim of each A.A. member is personal sobri-ety, the aim of our services is to bring sobriety within reachof all who want it. If nobody does the group's chores, if thearea's telephone rings unanswered, if we do not reply to ourmail, then A.A. as we know it would stop. Our communi-cations lines with those who need our help would bebroken.A.A. has to function, but at the same time it must avoidthose dangers of great wealth, prestige, and entrenchedpower which necessarily tempt other societies. Though Tra-dition Nine at first sight seems to deal with a purelypractical matter, in its actual operation it discloses a societywithout organization, animated only by the spirit of servicea true fellowship. Tradition TenAlcoholics Anonymous has no opinion onoutside issues; hence the A.A. name oughtnever be drawn into public controversy.NEVER since it began has Alcoholics Anonymous beendivided by a major controversial issue. Nor has our Fellow-ship ever publicly taken sides on any question in anembattled world. This, however, has been no earned virtue.It could almost be said that we were born with it, for, as oneoldtimer recently declared, Practically never have I hearda heated religious, political, or reform argument amongA.A. members. So long as we don't argue these matters pri-vately, it's a cinch we never shall publicly.As by some deep instinct, we A.A.'s have known fromthe very beginning that we must never, no matter what theprovocation, publicly take sides in any fight, even a worthyone. All history affords us the spectacle of striving nationsand groups finally torn asunder because they were designedfor, or tempted into, controversy. Others fell apart becauseof sheer self-righteousness while trying to enforce upon therest of mankind some millennium of their own specifica-tion. In our own times, we have seen millions die inpolitical and economic wars often spurred by religious andracial difference. We live in the imminent possibility of afresh holocaust to determine how men shall be governed,and how the products of nature and toil shall be divided176 TRADITION TEN177among them. That is the spiritual climate in which A.A.was born, and by God's grace has nevertheless flourished.Let us reemphasize that this reluctance to fight one an-other or anybody else is not counted as some special virtuewhich makes us feel superior to other people. Nor does itmean that the members of Alcoholics Anonymous, now re-stored as citizens of the world, are going to back away fromtheir individual responsibilities to act as they see the rightupon issues of our time. But when it comes to A.A. as awhole, that's quite a different matter. In this respect, we donot enter into public controversy, because we know that ourSociety will perish if it does. We conceive the survival andspread of Alcoholics Anonymous to be something of fargreater importance than the weight we could collectivelythrow back of any other cause. Since recovery from alco-holism is life itself to us, it is imperative that we preserve infull strength our means of survival.Maybe this sounds as though the alcoholics in A.A. hadsuddenly gone peaceable, and become one great big happyfamily. Of course, this isn't so at all. Human beings that weare, we squabble. Before we leveled off a bit, A.A. lookedmore like one prodigious squabble than anything else, atleast on the surface. A corporation director who had justvoted a company expenditure of a hundred thousand dol-lars would appear at an A.A. business meeting and blow histop over an outlay of twenty-five dollars' worth of neededpostage stamps. Disliking the attempt of some to manage agroup, half its membership might angrily rush off to formanother group more to their liking. Elders, temporarilyturned Pharisee, have sulked. Bitter attacks have been di- 178TRADITION TENrected against people suspected of mixed motives. Despitetheir din, our puny rows never did A.A. a particle of harm.They were just part and parcel of learning to work and livetogether. Let it be noted, too, that they were almost alwaysconcerned with ways to make A.A. more effective, how todo the most good for the most alcoholics.The Washingtonian Society, a movement among alco-holics which started in Baltimore a century ago, almostdiscovered the answer to alcoholism. At first, the societywas composed entirely of alcoholics trying to help one an-other. The early members foresaw that they should dedicatethemselves to this sole aim. In many respects, the Washing-tonians were akin to A.A. of today. Their membershippassed the hundred thousand mark. Had they been left tothemselves, and had they stuck to their one goal, they mighthave found the rest of the answer. But this didn't happen.Instead, the Washingtonians permitted politicians and re-formers, both alcoholic and nonalcoholic, to use the societyfor their own purposes. Abolition of slavery, for example,was a stormy political issue then. Soon, Washingtonianspeakers violently and publicly took sides on this question.Maybe the society could have survived the abolition con-troversy, but it didn't have a chance from the moment itdetermined to reform America's drinking habits. When theWashingtonians became temperance crusaders, within avery few years they had completely lost their effectivenessin helping alcoholics.The lesson to be learned from the Washingtonians wasnot overlooked by Alcoholics Anonymous. As we surveyedthe wreck of that movement, early A.A. members resolved TRADITION TEN179to keep our Society out of public controversy. Thus waslaid the cornerstone for Tradition Ten: Alcoholics Anony-mous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A.name ought never be drawn into public controversy. Tradition ElevenOur public relations policy is based on at-traction rather than promotion; we need al-ways maintain personal anonymity at thelevel of press, radio and films.WITHOUT its legions of well-wishers, A.A. could neverhave grown as it has. Throughout the world, immense andfavorable publicity of every description has been the princi-pal means of bringing alcoholics into our Fellowship. InA.A. offices, clubs, and homes, telephones ring constantly.One voice says, I read a piece in the newspapers . . .; an-other, We heard a radio program . . .; and still another,We saw a moving picture . . . or We saw somethingabout A.A. on television. . . . It is no exaggeration to saythat half of A.A.'s membership has been led to us throughchannels like these.The inquiring voices are not all alcoholics or their fami-lies. Doctors read medical papers about AlcoholicsAnonymous and call for more information. Clergymen seearticles in their church journals and also make inquiries.Employers learn that great corporations have set their ap-proval upon us, and wish to discover what can be doneabout alcoholism in their own firms.Therefore, a great responsibility fell upon us to developthe best possible public relations policy for AlcoholicsAnonymous. Through many painful experiences, we thinkwe have arrived at what that policy ought to be. It is the op-180 TRADITION ELEVEN181posite in many ways of usual promotional practice. Wefound that we had to rely upon the principle of attractionrather than of promotion.Let's see how these two contrasting ideasattractionand promotionwork out. A political party wishes to winan election, so it advertises the virtues of its leadership todraw votes. A worthy charity wants to raise money; forth-with, its letterhead shows the name of every distinguishedperson whose support can be obtained. Much of the politi-cal, economic, and religious life of the world is dependentupon publicized leadership. People who symbolize causesand ideas fill a deep human need. We of A.A. do not ques-tion that. But we do have to soberly face the fact that beingin the public eye is hazardous, especially for us. By temper-ament, nearly every one of us had been an irrepressiblepromoter, and the prospect of a society composed almostentirely of promoters was frightening. Considering this ex-plosive factor, we knew we had to exercise self-restraint.The way this restraint paid off was startling. It resultedin more favorable publicity of Alcoholics Anonymous thancould possibly have been obtained through all the arts andabilities of A.A.'s best press agents. Obviously, A.A. had tobe publicized somehow, so we resorted to the idea that itwould be far better to let our friends do this for us. Preciselythat has happened, to an unbelievable extent. Veteran news-men, trained doubters that they are, have gone all out tocarry A.A.'s message. To them, we are something morethan the source of good stories. On almost every newsfront,the men and women of the press have attached themselvesto us as friends. 182TRADITION ELEVENIn the beginning, the press could not understand our re-fusal of all personal publicity. They were genuinely baffledby our insistence upon anonymity. Then they got the point.Here was something rare in the worlda society whichsaid it wished to publicize its principles and its work, butnot its individual members. The press was delighted withthis attitude. Ever since, these friends have reported A.A.with an enthusiasm which the most ardent members wouldfind hard to match.There was actually a time when the press of Americathought the anonymity of A.A. was better for us than someof our own members did. At one point, about a hundred ofour Society were breaking anonymity at the public level.With perfectly good intent, these folks declared that theprinciple of anonymity was horse-and-buggy stuff, some-thing appropriate to A.A.'s pioneering days. They were surethat A.A. could go faster and farther if it availed itself ofmodern publicity methods. A.A., they pointed out, includedmany persons of local, national, or international fame. Pro-vided they were willingand many werewhy shouldn'ttheir membership be publicized, thereby encouraging oth-ers to join us? These were plausible arguments, but happilyour friends of the writing profession disagreed with them.The Foundation* wrote letters to practically every newsoutlet in North America, setting forth our public relationspolicy of attraction rather than promotion, and emphasizingSince that time, editors and rewrite men have repeatedlydeleted names and pictures of members from A.A. copy;frequently, they have reminded ambitious individuals ofA.A.'s anonymity policy. They have even sacrificed good TRADITION ELEVEN183stories to this end. The force of their cooperation has cer-tainly helped. Only a few A.A. members are left whodeliberately break anonymity at the public level.This, in brief, is the process by which A.A.'s TraditionEleven was constructed. To us, however, it represents farmore than a sound public relations policy. It is more than adenial of self-seeking. This Tradition is a constant and prac-tical reminder that personal ambition has no place in A.A.In it, each member becomes an active guardian of our Fel-lowship. Tradition TwelveAnonymity is the spiritual foundation of allour traditions, ever reminding us to placeprinciples before personalities.THE s p i r i t u al substance of anonymity is sacrifice. Be-cause A.A.'s Twelve Traditions repeatedly ask us to give uppersonal desires for the common good, we realize that thesacrificial spiritwell symbolized by anonymityis thefoundation of them all. It is A.A.'s proved willingness tomake these sacrifices that gives people their high confi-dence in our future.But in the beginning, anonymity was not born of confi-dence; it was the child of our early fears. Our first namelessgroups of alcoholics were secret societies. New prospectscould find us only through a few trusted friends. The barehint of publicity, even for our work, shocked us. Thoughex-drinkers, we still thought we had to hide from publicdistrust and contempt.When the Big Book appeared in 1939, we called it Al-coholics Anonymous. Its foreword made this revealingstatement: It is important that we remain anonymous be-cause we are too few, at present, to handle theoverwhelming number of personal appeals which may re-sult from this publication. Being mostly business orprofessional folk, we could not well carry on our occupa-tions in such an event. Between these lines, it is easy toread our fear that large numbers of incoming people mightbreak our anonymity wide open.184 TRADITION TWELVE185As the A.A. groups multiplied, so did anonymity prob-lems. Enthusiastic over the spectacular recovery of abrother alcoholic, we'd sometimes discuss those intimateand harrowing aspects of his case meant for his sponsor'sear alone. The aggrieved victim would then tightly declarethat his trust had been broken. When such stories got intocirculation outside of A.A., the loss of confidence in ouranonymity promise was severe. It frequently turned peoplefrom us. Clearly, every A.A. member's nameand story,toohad to be confidential, if he wished. This was our firstlesson in the practical application of anonymity.With characteristic intemperance, however, some of ournewcomers cared not at all for secrecy. They wanted toshout A.A. from the housetops, and did, Alcoholics barelydry rushed about bright-eyed, buttonholing anyone whowould listen to their stories. Others hurried to place themselves before microphones and cameras. Sometimes, theygot distressingly drunk and let their groups down with abang. They had changed from A.A. members into A.A.show-offs.This phenomenon of contrast really set us thinking.Squarely before us was the question How anonymousshould an A.A. member be? Our growth m ade i t pl ai n th atwe couldn't be a secret society, but it was equally plain thatwe couldn't be a vaudeville circuit, either. The charting of asafe path between these extremes took a long time.As a rule, the average newcomer wanted his family toknow immediately what he was trying to do. He also want-ed to tell others who had tried to help himhis doctor, hisminister, and close friends. As he gained confidence, he felt 186TRADITION TWELVEit right to explain his new way of life to his employer andbusiness associates. When opportunities to be helpful camealong, he found he could talk easily about A.A. to almostanyone. These quiet disclosures helped him to lose his fearof the alcoholic stigma, and spread the news of A.A.'s exis-tence in his community. Many a new man and womancame to A.A. because of such conversations. Though not inthe strict letter of anonymity, such communications werewell within its spirit.But it became apparent that the word-of-mouth methodwas too limited. Our work, as such, needed to be publi-cized. The A.A. groups would have to reach quickly asmany despairing alcoholics as they could. Consequently,many groups began to hold meetings which were open tointerested friends and the public, so that the average citizencould see for himself just what A.A. was all about. The re-sponse to these meetings was warmly sympathetic. Soon,groups began to receive requests for A.A. speakers to ap-pear before civic organizations, church groups, and medicalsocieties. Provided anonymity was maintained on theseplatforms, and reporters present were cautioned against theuse of names or pictures, the result was fine.Then came our first few excursions into major publicity,which were breathtaking. Cleveland's Plain Dealer articlesabout us ran that town's membership from a few into hun-dreds overnight. The news stories of Mr. Rockefeller'sdinner for Alcoholics Anonymous helped double our totalmembership in a year's time. Jack Alexander's famous Sat-urday Evening Post piece made A.A. a national institution.Such tributes as these brought opportunities for still more TRADITION TWELVE187recognition. Other newspapers and magazines wanted A.A.stories. Film companies wanted to photograph us. Radio,and finally television, besieged us with requests for appear-ances. What should we do?As this tide offering top public approval swept in, werealized that it could do us incalculable good or great harm.Everything would depend upon how it was channeled. Wesimply couldn't afford to take the chance of letting self-ap-pointed members present themselves as messiahsrepresenting A.A. before the whole public. The promoterinstinct in us might be our undoing. If even one publicly gotdrunk, or was lured into using A.A.'s name for his own pur-poses, the damage might be irreparable. At this altitude(press, radio, films, and television), anonymity100 per-cent anonymitywas the only possible answer. Here,principles would have to come before personalities, withoutexception.These experiences taught us that anonymity is real hu-mility at work. It is an all-pervading spiritual quality whichtoday keynotes A.A. life everywhere. Moved by the spiritof anonymity, we try to give up our natural desires for per-sonal distinction as A.A. members both among fellowalcoholics and before the general public. As we lay asidethese very human aspirations, we believe that each of ustakes part in the weaving of a protective mantle which cov-ers our whole Society and under which we may grow andwork in unity.We are sure that humility, expressed by anonymity, isthe greatest safeguard that Alcoholics Anonymous can everhave.  TraditionsLong Form(The Twelve Traditions)Our A.A. experience has taught us that:OneEach member of Alcoholics Anonymous is but asmall part of a great whole. A.A. must continue to live ormost of us will surely die. Hence our common welfarecomes first. But individual welfare follows close afterward.TwoFor our group purpose there is but one ultimate au-thoritya loving God as He may express Himself in ourgroup conscience. ThreeOur membership ought to include all who sufferfrom alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish torecover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend on mon-ey or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gatheredtogether for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group,provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. FourWith respect to its own affairs, each A.A. groupshould be responsible to no other authority other than itsown conscience. But when its plans concern the welfare ofneighboring groups also, those groups ought to be consult-ed. And no group, regional committee, or individual shouldever take any action that might greatly affect A.A. as awhole without conferring with the trustees of the GeneralService Board. On such issues our common welfare isparamount.189 190TRADITIONSLONG FORMFiveEach Alcoholics Anonymous group ought to be aspiritual entity having but one primary purposethat ofcarrying its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.SixProblems of money, property, and authority may eas-ily divert us from our primary spiritual aim. We think,therefore, that any considerable property of genuine use toA.A. should be separately incorporated and managed, thusdividing the material from the spiritual. An A.A. group, assuch, should never go into business. Secondary aids to A.A.such as clubs or hospitals which require much property oradministration, ought to be incorporated and so set apartthat, if necessary, they can be freely discarded by thegroups. Hence such facilities ought not to use the A.A.name. Their management should be the sole responsibilityof those people who financially support them. For clubs,A.A. managers are usually preferred. But hospitals, as wellas other places of recuperation, ought to be well outsideA.A.and medically supervised. While an A.A. groupmay cooperate with anyone, such cooperation ought neverto go so far as affiliation or endorsement, actual or implied.An A.A. group can bind itself to no one.SevenThe A.A. groups themselves ought to be fully sup-ported by the voluntary contributions of their ownmembers. We think that each group should soon achievethis ideal; that any public solicitation of funds using thename of Alcoholics Anonymous is highly dangerouswhether by groups, clubs, hospitals, or other outside agen-cies, that acceptance of large gifts from any source, or ofcontributions carrying any obligation whatever, is unwise. TRADITIONSLONG FORM191Then, too, we view with much concern those A.A. trea-suries which continue, beyond prudent reserves, toaccumulate funds for no stated A.A. purpose. Experiencehas often warned us that nothing can so surely destroy ourspiritual heritage as futile disputes over property, money,and authority. EightAlcoholics Anonymous should remain forevernonprofessional. We define professionalism as the occupa-tion of counseling alcoholics for fees or hire. But we mayemploy alcoholics where they are going to perform thoseservices for which we might otherwise have to engage non-alcoholics. Such special services may be wellrecompensed. But our usual A.A. Twelfth Step work isnever to be paid for.NineEach A.A. group needs the least possible organiza-tion. Rotating leadership is the best. The small group mayelect its secretary, the large group its rotating committee,and the groups of a large metropolitan area their central orintergroup committee, which often employs a full-time sec-retary. The trustees of the General Service Board are, ineffect, our A.A. General Service Committee. They are thecustodians of our A.A. Tradition and the receivers of volun-tary A.A. contributions by which we maintain our A.A.General Service Office in New York. They are authorizedby the groups to handle our overall public relations, andthey guarantee the integrity of our principal newspaper, theA.A. Grapevine. All such representatives are to be guidedin the spirit of service, for true leaders in A.A. are but trust-ed and experienced servants of the whole. They derive no 192TRADITIONSLONG FORMreal authority from their titles; they do not govern. Univer-sal respect is the key to their usefulness.TenNo A.A. group or member should ever, in such away as to implicate A.A., express any opinion on outsidecontroversial issuesparticularly those of politics, alcoholreform, or sectarian religion. The Alcoholics Anonymousgroups oppose no one. Concerning such matters they canexpress no views whatsoever. ElevenOur relations with the general public should becharacterized by personal anonymity. We think A.A. shouldavoid sensational advertising. Our names and pictures asA.A. members ought not be broadcast, filmed, or publiclyprinted. Our public relations should be guided by the prin-ciple of attraction rather than promotion. There is neverneed to praise ourselves. We feel it better that our friendsrecommend us. TwelveAnd finally, we of Alcoholics Anonymous be-lieve that the principle of anonymity has an immensespiritual significance. It reminds us that we are to placeprinciples before personalities; that we are to practice agenuine humility. This to the end that our great blessingsmay never spoil us; that we shall forever live in thankfulcontemplation of Him who presides over us all.", "source": {"title": "AA-12-Steps-12-Traditions.pdf", "extraction_date": "2024-12-22T15:50:10.499533", "total_pages": 194}, "section_index": 0, "qa_type": "summary", "timestamp": "2024-12-22T15:50:12.844719"}
{"question": "What recovery principles or concepts are discussed in this section of AA-12-Steps-12-Traditions.pdf?", "answer": "TWELVE STEPSandTWELVE TRADITIONS  TWELVESTEPSandTWELVETRADITIONSxALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS WORLD SERVICES, INC.BOX 459, GRAND CENTRAL STATIONNEW YORK, NY 10163 Copyright 1952, 1953, 1981 by The A.A. Grapevine,Inc. and Alcoholics Anonymous Publishing (nowknown as )All rights reservedFirst Printing, April 1953Sixty-fourth Printing, January 2003Windows Help version, July 1994*Electronic .PDF version, September 2005+ This edition is NOT A.A. General Service Conference approved literature ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS and A.A. are registeredtrademarks of A.A. World Services, Inc.ISBN 0-916856-01-1Library of Congress Catalog Card No. 53-5454Printed in the United States of America* Transcribed by M r. D.. Sof tware dev el opm en t b y cy b .+ .PDF version based upon the text of the Windows Help versionand published by ARID Media. A.A. World Services and itssubsidiaries were not involved within the production of thisspecific work. ContentsForeword15THE TWELVE STEPSStep One21W e admitted we were powerless over alcoholthatour lives had become unmanageable.Who cares to admit complete defeat? Admission of pow-erlessness is the first step in liberation. Relation of humili-ty to sobriety. Mental obsession plus physical allergy.Why must every A.A. hit bottom?Step Two25Came to believe that a P ow er greater than ourselvescould restore us to sanity.What can we believe in? A.A. does not demand belief;Twelve Steps are only suggestions. Importance of an openmind. Variety of ways to faith. Substitution of A.A. asHigher Power. Plight of the disillusioned. Roadblocks ofindifference and prejudice. Lost faith found in A.A. Prob-lems of intellectuality and self-sufficiency. Negative andpositive thinking. Self-righteousness. Defiance is an out-standing characteristic of alcoholics. Step Two is a rally-ing point to sanity. Right relation to God.Step Three34Made a decision to turn our w ill and our lives over tothe care of God, as we understood Him.Step Three is like opening of a locked door. How shall welet God into our lives? Willingness is the key. Depen-dence as a means to independence. Dangers of self-suffi-5 6CONTENTSciency. Turning our will over to Higher Power. Misuse ofwillpower. Sustained and personal exertion necessary toconform to God's will. Step Four42Made a searching and fearless moral inventory ofourselves.How instincts can exceed their proper function. Step Fouris an effort to discover our liabilities. Basic problem ofextremes in instinctive drives. Misguided moral inventorycan result in guilt, grandiosity, or blaming others. Assetscan be noted with liabilities. Self-justification is danger-ous. Willingness to take inventory brings light and newconfidence. Step Four is beginning of lifetime practice.Common symptoms of emotional insecurity are worry,anger, self-pity, and depression. Inventory reviews rela-tionships. Importance of thoroughness.Step Five55Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another humanbeing the exact nature of our wrongs.Twelve Steps deflate ego. Step Five is difficult but neces-sary to sobriety and peace of mind. Confession is an an-cient discipline. Without fearless admission of defects,few could stay sober. What do we receive from StepFive? Beginning of true kinship with man and God. Losesense of isolation, receive forgiveness and give it; learnhumility; gain honesty and realism about ourselves. Ne-cessity for complete honesty. Danger of rationalization.How to choose the person in whom to confide. Results aretranquility and consciousness of God. Oneness with Godand man prepares us for following Steps.Step Six63W ere entirely ready to have God remove all thesedefects of character.Step Six necessary to spiritual growth. The beginning of a CONTENTS7lifetime job. Recognition of difference between strivingfor objectiveand perfection. Why we must keep trying.Bei n g ready i s al l -i m portan t. Neces s i ty of taki n g acti on .Delay is dangerous. Rebellion may be fatal. Point atwhich we abandon limited objectives and move towardGod's will for us.Step Seven70Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.What is humility? What can it mean to us? The avenue totrue freedom of the human spirit. Necessary aid to sur-vival. Value of ego-puncturing. Failure and misery trans-formed by humility. Strength from weakness. Pain is theadmission price to new life. Self-centered fear chief acti-vator of defects. Step Seven is change in attitude whichpermits us to move out of ourselves toward God.Step Eight77Made a list of all persons we had harmed, andbecame willing to make amends to them all.This and the next two Steps are concerned with personalrelations. Learning to live with others is a fascinating ad-venture. Obstacles: reluctance to forgive; nonadmission ofwrongs to others; purposeful forgetting. Necessity of ex-haustive survey of past. Deepening insight results fromthoroughness. Kinds of harm done to others. Avoiding ex-treme judgments. Taking the objective view. Step Eight isthe beginning of the end of isolation.Step Nine83Made direct amends to such people whereverpossible, except when to do so would injure them orothers.A tranquil mood is the first requisite for good judgment.Good timing is important in making amends. What iscourage? Prudence means taking calculated chances.Amends begin when we join A.A. Peace of mind cannot 8CONTENTSbe bought at the expense of others. Need for discretion.Readiness to take consequences of our past and to take re-sponsibility for well-being of others is spirit of Step Nine.Step Ten88Continued to take personal inventory and when wewere wrong promptly admitted it.Can we stay sober and keep emotional balance under allconditions? Self-searching becomes a regular habit. Ad-mit, accept, and patiently correct defects. Emotional hang-over. When past is settled with, present challenges can bemet. Varieties of inventory. Anger, resentments, jealous-ly, envy, self-pity, hurt prideall led to the bottle. Self-restraint first objective. Insurance against big-shot-ism.Let's look at credits as well as debits. Examination of mo-tives.Step Eleven96Sought through prayer and meditation to improve ourconscious contact with God as we understood Him,praying only for knowledge of His will for us and thepower to carry that out.Meditation and prayer main channels to Higher Power.Connection between self-examination and meditation andprayer. An unshakable foundation for life. How shall wemeditate? Meditation has no boundaries. An individualadventure. First result is emotional balance. What aboutprayer? Daily petitions for understanding of God's willand grace to carry it out. Actual results of prayer are be-yond question. Rewards of meditation and prayer.Step Twelve106Having had a spiritual awakening as the result ofthese steps, we tried to carry this message toalcoholics, and to practice these principles in all ouraffairs.Joy of living is the theme of the Twelfth Step. Action its CONTENTS9keyword. Giving that asks no reward. Love that has noprice tag. What is spiritual awakening? A new state ofconsciousness and being is received as a free gift. Readi-ness to receive free gift lies in practice of Twelve Steps.The magnificent reality. Rewards of helping other alco-holics. Kinds of Twelfth Step work. Problems of TwelfthStep work. What about the practice of these principles inall o ur affairs? Monotony, pain and calamity turned togood use by practice of Steps. Difficulties of practice.Two-stepping. Switch to twelve-stepping and demon-strations of faith. Growing spiritually is the answer to ourproblems. Placing spiritual growth first. Domination andoverdependence. Putting our lives on give-and-take basis.Dependence upon God necessary to recovery of alco-holics. Practicing these principles in all our affairs: Do-mestic relations in A.A. Outlook upon material matterschanges. So do feelings about personal importance. In-stincts restored to true purpose. Understanding is key toright attitudes, right action key to good living.THE TWELVE TRADITIONSTradition One129Our common welfare should come first; personalrecovery depends upon A.A. unity.Without unity, A.A. dies. Individual liberty, yet great uni-ty. Key to paradox: each A.A.'s life depends on obedienceto spiritual principles. The group must survive or the indi-vidual will not. Common welfare comes first. How best tolive and work together as groups.Tradition Two132F or our group purpose there is but one ultimate 10CONTENTSauthoritya loving God as He may express Himself inour group conscience. Our leaders are but trustedservants; they do not govern.Where does A.A. get its direction? Sole authority in A.A.is loving God as He may express Himself in the groupconscience. Formation of a group. Growing pains. Rotat-ing committees are servants of the group. Leaders do notgovern, they serve. Does A.A. have a real leadership?Elder statesmen and bleeding deacons. The groupconscience speaks.Tradition Three139The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desireto stop drinking.Early intolerance based on fear. To take away any alco-holic's chance an A.A. was sometimes to pronounce hisdeath sentence. Membership regulations abandoned. Twoexamples of experience. Any alcoholic is a member ofA.A. when he says so.Tradition Four146Each group should be autonomous except in mattersaffecting other groups or A.A. as a whole.Every group manages its affairs as it pleases, except whenA.A. as a whole is threatened. Is such liberty dangerous?The group, like the individual, must eventually conformto principles that guarantee survival. Two storm signalsa group ought not do anything which would injure A.A. asa whole, nor affiliate itself with outside interests. An ex-ample: the A.A. Center that didn't work.Tradition Five150Each group has but one primary purposeto carrythe message to the alcoholic who still suffers.Better do one thing well than many badly. The life of ourFellowship depends on this principle. The ability of eachA.A. to identify himself with and bring recovery to the CONTENTS11newcomer is a gift from God . . . passing on this gift toothers is our one aim. Sobriety can't be kept unless it isgiven away.Tradition Six155An A.A. group ought never endorse, finance or lendthe A.A. name to any related facility or outsideenterprise, lest problems of money, property andprestige divert us from our primary purpose.Experience proved that we could not endorse any relatedenterprise, no matter how good. We could not be allthings to all men. We saw that we could not lend the A.A.name to any outside activity.Tradition Seven160Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting,declining outside contributions.No A.A. Tradition had the labor pains this one did. Col-lective poverty initially a matter of necessity. Fear of ex-ploitation. Necessity of separating the spiritual from thematerial. Decision to subsist on A.A. voluntary contribu-tions only. Placing the responsibility of supporting A.A.headquarters directly upon A.A. members. Bare runningexpenses plus a prudent reserve is headquarters policy.Tradition Eight166Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forevernonprofessional, but our service centers may employspecial workers.You can't mix the Twelfth Step and money. Line of cleav-age between voluntary Twelfth Step work and paid-forservices. A.A. could not function without full-time serviceworkers. Professional workers are not professional A.A.'s.Relation of A.A. to industry, education, etc. Twelfth Stepwork is never paid for, but those who labor in service forus are worthy of their hire. 12CONTENTSTradition Nine172A.A., as such, ought never be organized; but w e maycreate service boards or committees directlyresponsible to those they serve.Special service boards and committees. The General Ser-vice Conference, the board of trustees, and group commit-tees cannot issue directives to A.A. members or groups.A.A.'s can't be dictated toindividually or collectively.Absence of coercion works because unless each A.A. fol-lows suggested Steps to recovery, he signs his own deathwarrant. Same condition applies to the group. Sufferingand love are A.A.'s disciplinarians. Difference betweenspirit of authority and spirit of service. Aim of our ser-vices is to bring sobriety within reach of all who want it.Tradition Ten176Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outsideissues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn intopublic controversy.A.A. does not take sides in any public controversy. Reluc-tance to fight is not a special virtue. Survival and spreadof A.A. are our primary aims. Lessons learned fromWashingtonian movement.Tradition Eleven180Our public relations policy is based on attractionrather than promotion; we need always maintainpersonal anonymity at the level of press, radio andfilms.Public relations are important to A.A. Good public rela-tions save lives. We seek publicity for A.A. principles,not A.A. members. The press has cooperated. Personalanonymity at the public level is the cornerstone of ourpublic relations policy. Eleventh Tradition is a constantreminder that personal ambition has no place in A.A.Each member becomes an active guardian of our Fellow-ship. CONTENTS13Tradition Twelve184Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all ourtraditions, ever reminding us to place principles beforepersonalities.Spiritual substance of anonymity is sacrifice. Subordinat-ing personal aims to the common good is the essence ofall Twelve Traditions. Why A.A. could not remain a se-cret society. Principles come before personalities. Onehundred percent anonymity at the public level. Anonymi-ty is real humility.The Twelve Traditionsthe Long Form189  ForewordALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS is a worldwide fellow-ship of more than one hundred thousand* a l c o h o l ic menand women who are banded together to solve their com-mon problems and to help fellow sufferers in recovery fromthat age-old, baffling malady, alcoholism.This book deals with the Twelve Steps and theTwelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. It presentsan explicit view of the principles by which A.A. membersrecover and by which their Society functions.A.A.'s Twelve Steps are a group of principles, spiritualin their nature, which, if practiced as a way of life, can ex-pel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to becomehappily and usefully whole.A.A.'s Twelve Traditions apply to the life of the Fellow-ship itself. They outline the means by which A.A. maintainsits unity and relates itself to the world about it, the way itlives and grows.Though the essays which follow were written mainlyfor members, it is thought by many of A.A.'s friends thatthese pieces might arouse interest and find application out-side of A.A. itself.Many people, nonalcoholics, report that as a result ofthe practice of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, they have been able to*In 2003 it is estimated that over two million have recoveredthrough A.A.15 16FOREWORDmeet other difficulties of life. They think that the TwelveSteps can mean more than sobriety for problem drinkers.They see in them a way to happy and effective living formany, alcoholic or not.There is, too, a rising interest in the Twelve Traditionsof Alcoholics Anonymous. Students of human relations arebeginning to wonder how and why A.A. functions as a so-ciety. Why is it, they ask, that in A.A. no member can be setin personal authority over another, that nothing like a cen-tral government can anywhere be seen? How can a set oftraditional principles, having no legal force at all, hold theFellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous in unity and effec-tiveness? The second section of this volume, thoughdesigned for A.A.'s membership, will give such inquirers aninside view of A.A. never before possible.Alcoholics Anonymous began in 1935 in Akron, Ohio,as the outcome of a meeting between a well-known sur-geon and a New York broker. Both were severe cases ofalcoholism and were destined to become co-founders of theA.A. Fellowship.The basic principles of A.A., as they are known today,were borrowed mainly from the fields of religion andmedicine, though some ideas upon which success finallydepended were the result of noting the behavior and needsof the Fellowship itself.After three years of trial and error in selecting the mostworkable tenets upon which the Society could be based,and after a large amount of failure in getting alcoholics torecover, three successful groups emergedthe first atAkron, the second in New York, and the third at Cleveland. FOREWORD17Even then it was hard to find twoscore of sure recoveries inall three groups.Nevertheless, the infant Society determined to set downits experience in a book which finally reached the public inApril 1939. At this time the recoveries numbered about onehundred. The book was called Alcoholics Anonymousand from it the Fellowship took its name. In it alcoholismwas described from the alcoholic's view, the spiritual ideaof the Society was codified for the first time in the TwelveSteps, and the application of these Steps to the alcoholic'sdilemma was made clear. The remainder of the book wasdevoted to thirty stories or case histories in which the alco-holics described their drinking experiences and recoveries.This established identification with alcoholic readers andproved to them that the virtually impossible had becomepossible. The book Alcoholics Anonymous became thebasic text of the Fellowship, and it still is. This present vol-ume proposes to broaden and deepen the understanding ofthe Twelve Steps as first written in the earlier work.With the publication of the book Alcoholics Anony-mous in 1939, the pioneering period ended and aprodigious chain reaction set in as recovered alcoholics car-ried their message to still others. In the next yearsalcoholics flocked to A.A. by tens of thousands, largely asthe result of excellent and continuous publicity freely givenby magazines and newspapers throughout the world. Cler-gymen and doctors alike rallied to the new movement,giving it unstinted support and endorsement.This startling expansion brought with it very severegrowing pains. Proof that alcoholics could recover had 18FOREWORDbeen made. But it was by no means sure that such greatnumbers of yet erratic people could live and work togetherwith harmony and good effect.Everywhere there arose threatening questions of mem-bership, money, personal relations, public relations,management of groups, clubs, and scores of other perplexi-ties. It was out of this vast welter of explosive experiencesthat A.A.'s Twelve Traditions took form and were first pub-lished in 1946 and later confirmed at A.A.'s FirstInternational Convention held at Cleveland in 1950. TheTradition section of this volume portrays in some detail theexperience which finally produced the Twelve Traditionsand so gave A.A. its present form, substance, and unity.As A.A. now enters maturity, it has begun to reach intoforty foreign lands.* In the view of its friends, this is but thebeginning of its unique and valuable service.It is hoped that this volume will afford all who read it aclose-up view of the principles and forces which have madeAlcoholics Anonymous what it is.(A.A.'s General Service Office may be reached by writing:Alcoholics Anonymous, P.O. Box 459,Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10163, U.S.A.) *In 2003, A.A. is established in approximately 150 countries. THE TWELVE STEPS  Step OneW e admitted w e w ere pow erless over alco-holthat our lives had become unmanage-able.WHO cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one,of course. Every natural instinct cries out against the idea ofpersonal powerlessness. It is truly awful to admit that, glassin hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsessionfor destructive drinking that only an act of providence canremove it from us.No other kind of bankruptcy is like this one. Alcohol,now become the rapacious creditor, bleeds us of all self-sufficiency and all will to resist its demands. Once this starkfact is accepted, our bankruptcy as going human concernsis complete. But upon entering A.A. we soon take quite anotherview of this absolute humiliation. We perceive that onlythrough utter defeat are we able to take our first steps to-ward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personalpowerlessness finally turn out to be firm bedrock uponwhich happy and purposeful lives may be built.We know that little good can come to any alcoholicwho joins A.A. unless he has first accepted his devastatingweakness and all its consequences. Until he so humbleshimself, his sobrietyif anywill be precarious. Of realhappiness he will find none at all. Proved beyond doubt byan immense experience, this is one of the facts of A.A. life.21 22STEP ONEThe principle that we shall find no enduring strength untilwe first admit complete defeat is the main taproot fromwhich our whole Society has sprung and flowered.When first challenged to admit defeat, most of us re-volted. We had approached A.A. expecting to be taughtself-confidence. Then we had been told that so far as alco-hol is concerned, self-confidence was no good whatever; infact, it was a total liability. Our sponsors declared that wewere the victims of a mental obsession so subtly powerfulthat no amount of human willpower could break it. Therewas, they said, no such thing as the personal conquest ofthis compulsion by the unaided will. Relentlessly deepen-ing our dilemma, our sponsors pointed out our increasingsensitivity to alcoholan allergy, they called it. The tyrantalcohol wielded a double-edged sword over us: first wewere smitten by an insane urge that condemned us to go ondrinking, and then by an allergy of the body that insured wewould ultimately destroy ourselves in the process. Few in-deed were those who, so assailed, had ever won through insinglehanded combat. It was a statistical fact that alcoholicsalmost never recovered on their own resources. And thishad been true, apparently, ever since man had first crushedgrapes.In A.A.'s pioneering time, none but the most desperatecases could swallow and digest this unpalatable truth. Eventhese last-gaspers often had difficulty in realizing howhopeless they actually were. But a few did, and when theselaid hold of A.A. principles with all the fervor with whichthe drowning seize life preservers, they almost invariablygot well. That is why the first edition of the book Alco- STEP ONE23holics Anonymous, pub l i s h ed wh en our m em b ers h i p wassmall, dealt with low-bottom cases only. Many less desper-ate alcoholics tried A.A., but did not succeed because theycould not make the admission of hopelessness.It is a tremendous satisfaction to record that in the fol-lowing years this changed. Alcoholics who still had theirhealth, their families, their jobs, and even two cars in thegarage, began to recognize their alcoholism. As this trendgrew, they were joined by young people who were scarcelymore than potential alcoholics. They were spared that lastten or fifteen years of literal hell the rest of us had gonethrough. Since Step One requires an admission that ourlives have become unmanageable, how could people suchas these take this Step?It was obviously necessary to raise the bottom the restof us had hit to the point where it would hit them. By goingback in our own drinking histories, we could show thatyears before we realized it we were out of control, that ourdrinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeedthe beginning of a fatal progression. To the doubters wecould say, Perhaps you're not an alcoholic after all. Whydon't you try some more controlled drinking, bearing inmind meanwhile what we have told you aboutalcoholism? Th i s atti tude b rough t i m m edi ate an d practi calresults. It was then discovered that when one alcoholic hadplanted in the mind of another the true nature of his malady,that person could never be the same again. Following everyspree, he would say to himself, M ay b e th os e A .A .' s wereright . . . A f ter a f ew s uch ex peri en ces , of ten y ears b ef orethe onset of extreme difficulties, he would return to us con- 24STEP ONEvinced. He had hit bottom as truly as any of us. John Barl-eycorn himself had become our best advocate.Why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottomfirst? The answer is that few people will sincerely try topractice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom. Forpracticing A.A.'s remaining eleven Steps means the adop-tion of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic who isstill drinking can dream of taking. Who wishes to be rigor-ously honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess his faultsto another and make restitution for harm done? Who caresanything about a Higher Power, let alone meditation andprayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and energy in trying tocarry A.A.'s message to the next sufferer? No, the averagealcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn't care for thisprospectunless he has to do these things in order to stayalive himself.Under the lash of alcoholism, we are driven to A.A.,and there we discover the fatal nature of our situation.Then, and only then, do we become as open-minded toconviction and as willing to listen as the dying can be. Westand ready to do anything which will lift the merciless ob-session from us. Step TwoCame to believe that a P ow er greater thanourselves could restore us to sanity.THE moment they read Step Two, most A.A. newcomersare confronted with a dilemma, sometimes a serious one.How often have we heard them cry out, Look what youpeople have done to us! You have convinced us that we arealcoholics and that our lives are unmanageable. Having re-duced us to a state of absolute helplessness, you nowdeclare that none but a Higher Power can remove our ob-session. Some of us won't believe in God, others can't, andstill others who do believe that God exists have no faithwhatever He will perform this miracle. Yes, you've got usover the barrel, all rightbut where do we go from here?Let's look first at the case of the one who says he won'tbelievethe belligerent one. He is in a state of mind whichcan be described only as savage. His whole philosophy oflife, in which he so gloried, is threatened. It's bad enough,he thinks, to admit alcohol has him down for keeps. Butnow, still smarting from that admission, he is faced withsomething really impossible. How he does cherish thethought that man, risen so majestically from a single cell inthe primordial ooze, is the spearhead of evolution andtherefore the only god that his universe knows! Must he re-nounce all this to save himself?25 26STEP TWOAt this juncture, his A.A, sponsor usually laughs. This,the newcomer thinks, is just about the last straw. This is thebeginning of the end. And so it is: the beginning of the endof his old life, and the beginning of his emergence into anew one. His sponsor probably says, Take it easy. Thehoop you have to jump through is a lot wider than youthink. At least I've found it so. So did a friend of mine whowas a one-time vice-president of the American Atheist So-ciety, but he got through with room to spare.Well, says the newcomer, I know you're telling methe truth. It's no doubt a fact that A.A, is full of people whoonce believed as I do. But just how, in these circumstances,does a fellow 'take it easy'? That's what I want to know.Th at, agrees th e s pon s or, is a very good question in-deed. I think I can tell you exactly how to relax. You won'thave to work at it very hard, either. Listen, if you will, tothese three statements. First, Alcoholics Anonymous doesnot demand that you believe anything. All of its TwelveSteps are but suggestions. Second, to get sober and to staysober, you don't have to swallow all of Step Two right now.Looking back, I find that I took it piecemeal myself. Third,all you really need is a truly open mind. Just resign from thedebating society and quit bothering yourself with such deepquestions as whether it was the hen or the egg that camefirst. Again I say, all you need is the open mind.The sponsor continues, Take, for example, my owncase. I had a scientific schooling. Naturally I respected,venerated, even worshiped science. As a matter of fact, Istill doall except the worship part. Time after time, myinstructors held up to me the basic principle of all scientific STEP TWO27progress: search and research, again and again, always withthe open mind. When I first looked at A.A., my reactionwas just like yours. This A.A, business, I thought, is totallyunscientific. This I can't swallow. I simply won't considersuch nonsense.Th en I woke up. I h ad to adm i t th at A .A , s h owed re-sults, prodigious results. I saw that my attitude regardingthese had been anything but scientific. It wasn't A.A, thathad the closed mind, it was me. The minute I stopped argu-ing, I could begin to see and feel. Right there, Step Twogently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can'tsay upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believein a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that be-lief now. To acquire it, I had only to stop fighting andpractice the rest of A.A.'s program as enthusiastically as Icould.Th i s i s on l y on e m an ' s opi n i on b as ed on h i s own ex pe-rience, of course. I must quickly assure you that A.A.'stread innumerable paths in their quest for faith. If you don'tcare for the one I've suggested, you'll be sure to discoverone that suits if only you look and listen. Many a man likeyou has begun to solve the problem by the method of sub-stitution. You can, if you wish, make A.A., itself your'higher power.' Here's a very large group of people whohave solved their alcohol problem. In this respect they arecertainly a power greater than you, who have not evencome close to a solution. Surely you can have faith in them.Even this minimum of faith will be enough. You will findmany members who have crossed the threshold just thisway. All of them will tell you that, once across, their faith 28STEP TWObroadened and deepened. Relieved of the alcohol obses-sion, their lives unaccountably transformed, they came tobelieve in a Higher Power, and most of them began to talkof God.Consider next the plight of those who once had faith,but have lost it. There will be those who have drifted intoindifference, those filled with self-sufficiency who have cutthemselves off, those who have become prejudiced againstreligion, and those who are downright defiant because Godhas failed to fulfill their demands. Can A.A, experience tellall these they may still find a faith that works?Sometimes A.A, comes harder to those who have lostor rejected faith than to those who never had any faith at all,for they think they have tried faith and found it wanting.They have tried the way of faith and the way of no faith.Since both ways have proved bitterly disappointing, theyhave concluded there is no place whatever for them to go.The roadblocks of indifference, fancied self-sufficiency,prejudice, and defiance often prove more solid andformidable for these people than any erected by the uncon-vinced agnostic or even the militant atheist. Religion saysthe existence of God can be proved; the agnostic says itcan't be proved; and the atheist claims proof of the nonexis-tence of God. Obviously, the dilemma of the wandererfrom faith is that of profound confusion. He thinks himselflost to the comfort of any conviction at all. He cannot attainin even a small degree the assurance of the believer, the ag-nostic, or the atheist. He is the bewildered one.Any number of A.A.'s can say to the drifter, Yes, wewere diverted from our childhood faith, too. The overconfi- STEP TWO29dence of youth was too much for us. Of course, we wereglad that good home and religious training had given uscertain values. We were still sure that we ought to be fairlyhonest, tolerant, and just, that we ought to be ambitious andhardworking. We became convinced that such simple rulesof fair play and decency would be enough.As material success founded upon no more than theseordinary attributes began to come to us, we felt we werewinning at the game of life. This was exhilarating, and itmade us happy. Why should we be bothered with theologi-cal abstractions and religious duties, or with the state of oursouls here or hereafter? The here and now was goodenough for us. The will to win would carry us through. Butthen alcohol began to have its way with us. Finally, whenall our score cards read 'zero,' and we saw that one morestrike would put us out of the game forever, we had to lookfor our lost faith. It was in A.A, that we rediscovered it. Andso can you.Now we come to another kind of problem: the intellec-tually self-sufficient man or woman. To these, many A.A.'scan say, Yes, we were like youfar too smart for our owngood. We loved to have people call us precocious. We usedour education to blow ourselves up into prideful balloons,though we were careful to hide this from others. Secretly,we felt we could float above the rest of the folks on ourbrainpower alone. Scientific progress told us there wasnothing man couldn't do. Knowledge was all-powerful. In-tellect could conquer nature. Since we were brighter thanmost folks (so we thought), the spoils of victory would beours for the thinking. The god of intellect displaced the God 30STEP TWOof our fathers. But again John Barleycorn had other ideas.We who had won so handsomely in a walk turned into all-time losers. We saw that we had to reconsider or die. Wefound many in A.A, who once thought as we did. Theyhelped us to get down to our right size. By their examplethey showed us that humility and intellect could be compat-ible, provided we placed humility first. When we began todo that, we received the gift of faith, a faith which works.This faith is for you, too.Another crowd of A.A.'s says: We were plumb dis-gusted with religion and all its works. The Bible, we said,was full of nonsense; we could cite it chapter and verse, andwe couldn't see the Beatitudes for the 'begats.' In spots itsmorality was impossibly good; in others it seemed impossi-bly bad. But it was the morality of the religioniststhemselves that really got us down. We gloated over thehypocrisy, bigotry, and crushing self-righteousness thatclung to so many 'believers' even in their Sunday best. Howwe loved to shout the damaging fact that millions of the'good men of religion' were still killing one another off inthe name of God. This all meant, of course, that we hadsubstituted negative for positive thinking. After we came toA.A., we had to recognize that this trait had been an ego-feeding proposition. In belaboring the sins of some reli-gious people, we could feel superior to all of them.Moreover, we could avoid looking at some of our ownshortcomings. Self-righteousness, the very thing that wehad contemptuously condemned in others, was our own be-setting evil. This phony form of respectability was ourundoing, so far as faith was concerned. But finally, driven STEP TWO31to A.A., we learned better.As psychiatrists have often observed, defiance is theoutstanding characteristic of many an alcoholic. So it's notstrange that lots of us have had our day at defying GodHimself. Sometimes it's because God has not delivered usthe good things of life which we specified, as a greedy childm makes an impossible list for Santa Claus. More often,though, we had met up with some major calamity, and toour way of thinking lost out because God deserted us. Thegirl we wanted to marry had other notions; we prayed Godthat she'd change her mind, but she didn't. We prayed forhealthy children, and were presented with sick ones, ornone at all. We prayed for promotions at business, and nonecame. Loved ones, upon whom we heartily depended, weretaken from us by so-called acts of God. Then we becamedrunkards, and asked God to stop that. But nothing hap-pened. This was the unkindest cut of all. 'Damn this faithbusiness!' we said.W h en we en coun tered A .A ,, th e f al l acy of our defi-ance was revealed. At no time had we asked what God'swill was for us; instead we had been telling Him what itought to be. No man, we saw, could believe in God anddefy Him, too. Belief meant reliance, not; defiance. In A.A,we saw the fruits of this belief: men and women sparedfrom alcohol's final catastrophe. We saw them meet andtranscend their other pains and trials. We saw them calmlyaccept impossible situations, seeking neither to run nor torecriminate. This was not only faith; it was faith thatworked under all conditions. We soon concluded that what-ever price in humility we must pay, we would pay. 32STEP TWONow let's take the guy full of faith, but still reeking ofalcohol. He believes he is devout. His religious observanceis scrupulous. He's sure he still believes in God, but sus-pects that God doesn't believe in him. He takes pledges andmore pledges. Following each, he not only drinks again, butacts worse than the last time. Valiantly he tries to fight alco-hol, imploring God's help, but the help doesn't come. What,then, can be the matter?To clergymen, doctors, friends, and families, the alco-holic who means well and tries hard is a heartbreakingriddle. To most A.A.'s, he is not. There are too many of uswho have been just like him, and have found the riddle'sanswer. This answer has to do with the quality of faithrather than its quantity. This has been our blind spot. Wesupposed we had humility when really we hadn't. We sup-posed we had been serious about religious practices when,upon honest appraisal, we found we had been only superfi-cial. Or, going to the other extreme, we had wallowed inemotionalism and had mistaken it for true religious feeling.In both cases, we had been asking something for nothing.The fact was we really hadn't cleaned house so that thegrace of God could enter us and expel the obsession. In nodeep or meaningful sense had we ever taken stock of our-selves, made amends to those we had harmed, or freelygiven to any other human being without any demand for re-ward. We had not even prayed rightly. We had always said,Gran t m e m y wi s h es instead of Th y wi l l b e don e. Th elove of God and man we understood not at all. Thereforewe remained self-deceived, and so incapable of receivingenough grace to restore us to sanity. STEP TWO33Few indeed are the practicing alcoholics who have anyidea how irrational they are, or seeing their irrationality, canbear to face it. Some will be willing to term themselvesprob l em drinkers, but cannot endure the suggestion thatthey are in fact mentally ill. They are abetted in this blind-ness by a world which does not understand the differencebetween sane drinking and alcoholism. Sanity is definedas soundness of mind. Yet no alcoholic, soberly analyz-ing his destructive behavior, whether the destruction fell onthe dining-room furniture or his own moral fiber, can claimsoundness of mind for himself.Therefore, Step Two is the rallying point for all of us.Whether agnostic, atheist, or former believer, we can standtogether on this Step. True humility and an open mind canlead us to faith, and every A.A, meeting is an assurance thatGod will restore us to sanity if we rightly relate ourselves toHim. Step ThreeMade a decision to turn our w ill and ourlives over to the care of God, as we under-stood Him.PRACTICING S tep Three is like the opening of a doorwhich to all appearances is still closed and locked. All weneed is a key, and the decision to swing the door open.There is only one key, and it is called willingness. Once un-locked by willingness, the door opens almost of itself, andlooking through it, we shall see a pathway beside which isan inscription. It reads: Th i s i s th e way to a f ai th th atworks. In the first two Steps we were engaged in reflec-tion. We saw that we were powerless over alcohol, but wealso perceived that faith of some kind, if only in A.A. itself,is possible to anyone. These conclusions did not require ac-tion; they required only acceptance.Like all the remaining Steps, Step Three calls for affir-mative action, for it is only by action that we can cut awaythe self-will which has always blocked the entry of Godor, if you like, a Higher Powerinto our lives. Faith, to besure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing. We canhave faith, yet keep God out of our lives. Therefore ourproblem now becomes just how and by what specificmeans shall we be able to let Him in? Step Three representsour first attempt to do this. In fact, the effectiveness of thewhole A.A. program will rest upon how well and earnestlywe have tried to come to a decision to turn our will and34 STEP THREE35our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.To every worldly and practical-minded beginner, thisStep looks hard, even impossible. No matter how much onewishes to try, exactly how can he turn his own will and hisown life over to the care of whatever God he thinks thereis? Fortunately, we who have tried it, and with equal mis-givings, can testify that anyone, anyone at all, can begin todo it. We can further add that a beginning, even the small-est, is all that is needed. Once we have placed the key ofwillingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightlyopen, we find that we can always open it some more.Though self-will may slam it shut again, as it frequentlydoes, it will always respond the moment we again pick upthe key of willingness.Maybe this all sounds mysterious and remote, some-thing like Einstein's theory of relativity or a proposition innuclear physics. It isn't at all. Let's look at how practical itactually is. Every man and woman who has joined A.A.and intends to stick has, without realizing it, made a begin-ning on Step Three. Isn't it true that in all matters touchingupon alcohol, each of them has decided to turn his or herlife over to the care, protection, and guidance of AlcoholicsAnonymous? Already a willingness has been achieved tocast out one's own will and one's own ideas about the alco-hol problem in favor of those suggested by A.A. Anywilling newcomer feels sure A.A. is the only safe harbor forthe foundering vessel he has become. Now if this is notturning one's will and life over to a newfound Providence,then what is it?But suppose that instinct still cries out, as it certainly 36STEP THREEwill, Yes, respecting alcohol, I guess I have to be depen-dent upon A.A., but in all other matters I must still maintainmy independence. Nothing is going to turn me into anonentity. If I keep on turning my life and my will over tothe care of Something or Somebody else, what will becomeof me? I'll look like the hole in the doughnut. This, ofcourse, is the process by which instinct and logic alwaysseek to bolster egotism, and so frustrate spiritual develop-ment. The trouble is that this kind of thinking takes no realaccount of the facts. And the facts seem to be these: Themore we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power,the more independent we actually are. Therefore depen-dence, as A.A. practices it, is really a means of gaining trueindependence of the spirit.Let's examine for a moment this idea of dependence atthe level of everyday living. In this area it is startling to dis-cover how dependent we really are, and how unconsciousof that dependence. Every modern house has electric wiringcarrying power and light to its interior. We are delightedwith this dependence; our main hope is that nothing willever cut off the supply of current. By so accepting our de-pendence upon this marvel of science, we find ourselvesmore independent personally. Not only are we more inde-pendent, we are even more comfortable and secure. Powerflows just where it is needed. Silently and surely, electricity,that strange energy so few people understand, meets oursimplest daily needs, and our most desperate ones, too. Askthe polio sufferer confined to an iron lung who dependswith complete trust upon a motor to keep the breath of lifein him. STEP THREE37But the moment our mental or emotional independenceis in question, how differently we behave. How persistentlywe claim the right to decide all by ourselves just what weshall think and just how we shall act. Oh yes, we'll weighthe pros and cons of every problem. We'll listen politely tothose who would advise us, but all the decisions are to beours alone. Nobody is going to meddle with our personalindependence in such matters. Besides, we think, there isno one we can surely trust. We are certain that our intelli-gence, backed by willpower, can rightly control our innerlives and guarantee us success in the world we live in. Thisbrave philosophy, wherein each man plays God, soundsgood in the speaking, but it still has to meet the acid test:how well does it actually work? One good look in the mir-ror ought to be answer enough for any alcoholic.Should his own image in the mirror be too awful tocontemplate (and it usually is), he might first take a look atthe results normal people are getting from self-sufficiency.Everywhere he sees people filled with anger and fear, soci-ety breaking up into warring fragments. Each fragment saysto the others, We are right and you are wrong. Every suchpressure group, if it is strong enough, self-righteously im-poses its will upon the rest. And everywhere the same thingis being done on an individual basis. The sum of all thismighty effort is less peace and less brotherhood than be-fore. The philosophy of self-sufficiency is not paying off.Plainly enough, it is a bone-crushing juggernaut whose fi-nal achievement is ruin.Therefore, we who are alcoholics can consider our-selves fortunate indeed. Each of us has had his own near- 38STEP THREEfatal encounter with the juggernaut of self-will, and has suf-fered enough under its weight to be willing to look forsomething better. So it is by circumstance rather than byany virtue that we have been driven to A.A., have admitteddefeat, have acquired the rudiments of faith, and now wantto make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to aHigher Power.We realize that the word dependence is as distastefulto many psychiatrists and psychologists as it is to alco-holics. Like our professional friends, we, too, are aware thatthere are wrong forms of dependence. We have experi-enced many of them. No adult man or woman, forexample, should be in too much emotional dependenceupon a parent. They should have been weaned long before,and if they have not been, they should wake up to the fact.This very form of faulty dependence has caused many a re-bellious alcoholic to conclude that dependence of any sortmust be intolerably damaging. But dependence upon anA.A. group or upon a Higher Power hasn't produced anybaleful results.When World War II broke out, this spiritual principlehad its first major test. A.A.'s entered the services and werescattered all over the world. Would they be able to take dis-cipline, stand up under fire, and endure the monotony andmisery of war? Would the kind of dependence they hadlearned in A.A. carry them through? Well, it did. They hadeven fewer alcoholic lapses or emotional binges than A.A.'ssafe at home did. They were just as capable of enduranceand valor as any other soldiers. Whether in Alaska or on theSalerno beachhead, their dependence upon a Higher Power STEP THREE39worked. And far from being a weakness, this dependencewas their chief source of strength.So how, exactly, can the willing person continue to turnhis will and his life over to the Higher Power? He made abeginning, we have seen, when he commenced to rely uponA.A. for the solution of his alcohol problem. By now,though, the chances are that he has become convinced thathe has more problems than alcohol, and that some of theserefuse to be solved by all the sheer personal determinationand courage he can muster. They simply will not budge;they make him desperately unhappy and threaten his new-found sobriety. Our friend is still victimized by remorse andguilt when he thinks of yesterday. Bitterness still overpow-ers him when he broods upon those he still envies or hates.His financial insecurity worries him sick, and panic takesover when he thinks of all the bridges to safety that alcoholburned behind him. And how shall he ever straighten outthat awful jam that cost him the affection of his family andseparated him from them? His lone courage and unaidedwill cannot do it. Surely he must now depend upon Some-body or Something else.At first that somebody is likely to be his closest A.A.friend. He relies upon the assurance that his many troubles,now made more acute because he cannot use alcohol to killthe pain, can be solved, too. Of course the sponsor pointsout that our friend's life is still unmanageable even thoughhe is sober, that after all, only a bare start on A.A.'s programhas been made. More sobriety brought about by the admis-sion of alcoholism and by attendance at a few meetings isvery good indeed, but it is bound to be a far cry from per- 40STEP THREEmanent sobriety and a contented, useful life. That is justwhere the remaining Steps of the A.A. program come in.Nothing short of continuous action upon these as a way oflife can bring the much-desired result.Then it is explained that other Steps of the A.A. pro-gram can be practiced with success only when Step Threeis given a determined and persistent trial. This statementmay surprise newcomers who have experienced nothingbut constant deflation and a growing conviction that humanwill is of no value whatever. They have become persuaded,and rightly so, that many problems besides alcohol will notyield to a headlong assault powered by the individual alone.But now it appears that there are certain things which onlythe individual can do. A11 by himself, and in the light of hisown circumstances, he needs to develop the quality of will-ingness. When he acquires willingness, he is the only onewho can make the decision to exert himself. Trying to dothis is an act of his own will. All of the Twelve Steps re-quire sustained and personal exertion to conform to theirprinciples and so, we trust, to God's will.It is when we try to make our will conform with God'sthat we begin to use it rightly. To all of us, this was a mostwonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the mis-use of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problemswith it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement withGod's intention for us. To make this increasingly possible isthe purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opensthe door.Once we have come into agreement with these ideas, itis really easy to begin the practice of Step Three. In all STEP THREE41times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause,ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: God gran t m ethe serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage tochange the things I can, and wisdom to know the differ-ence. Thy will, not mine, be done. Step FourMade a searching and fearless moral in-ventory of ourselves.CREATION g a ve us instincts for a purpose. Withoutthem we wouldn't be complete human beings. If men andwomen didn't exert themselves to be secure in their per-sons, made no effort to harvest food or construct shelter,there would be no survival. If they didn't reproduce, theearth wouldn't be populated. If there were no social instinct,if men cared nothing for the society of one another, therewould be no society. So these desiresfor the sex relation,for material and emotional security, and for companionshipare perfectly necessary and right, and surely God-given.Yet these instincts, so necessary for our existence, oftenfar exceed their proper functions. Powerfully, blindly, manytimes subtly, they drive us, dominate us, and insist uponruling our lives. Our desires for sex, for material and emo-tional security, and for an important place in society oftentyrannize us. When thus out of joint, man's natural desirescause him great trouble, practically all the trouble there is.No human being, however good, is exempt from thesetroubles. Nearly every serious emotional problem can beseen as a case of misdirected instinct. When that happens,our great natural assets, the instincts, have turned into phys-ical and mental liabilities.Step Four is our vigorous and painstaking effort to dis-cover what these liabilities in each of us have been, and are.42 STEP FOUR43We want to find exactly how, when, and where our naturaldesires have warped us. We wish to look squarely at the un-happiness this has caused others and ourselves. Bydiscovering what our emotional deformities are, we canmove toward their correction. Without a willing and persis-tent effort to do this, there can be little sobriety orcontentment for us. Without a searching and fearless moralinventory, most of us have found that the faith which reallyworks in daily living is still out of reach.Before tackling the inventory problem in detail, let'shave a closer look at what the basic problem is. Simple ex-amples like the following take on a world of meaning whenwe think about them. Suppose a person places sex desireahead of everything else. In such a case, this imperious urgecan destroy his chances for material and emotional securityas well as his standing in the community. Another may de-velop such an obsession for financial security that he wantsto do nothing but hoard money. Going to the extreme, hecan become a miser, or even a recluse who denies himselfboth family and friends.Nor is the quest for security always expressed in termsof money. How frequently we see a frightened human be-ing determined to depend completely upon a strongerperson for guidance and protection. This weak one, failingto meet life's responsibilities with his own resources, nevergrows up. Disillusionment and helplessness are his lot. Intime all his protectors either flee or die, and he is once moreleft alone and afraid.We have also seen men and women who go power-mad, who devote themselves to attempting to rule their fel- 44STEP FOURlows. These people often throw to the winds every chancefor legitimate security and a happy family life. Whenever ahuman being becomes a battleground for the instincts, therecan be no peace.But that is not all of the danger. Every time a person im-poses his instincts unreasonably upon others, unhappinessfollows. If the pursuit of wealth tramples upon people whohappen to be in the way, then anger, jealousy, and revengeare likely to be aroused. If sex runs riot, there is a similaruproar. Demands made upon other people for too much at-tention, protection, and love can only invite domination orrevulsion in the protectors themselvestwo emotions quiteas unhealthy as the demands which evoked them. When anindividual's desire for prestige becomes uncontrollable,whether in the sewing circle or at the international confer-ence table, other people suffer and often revolt. Thiscollision of instincts can produce anything from a cold snubt to a blazing revolution. In these ways we are set in conflictnot only with ourselves, but with other people who have in-stincts, too.Alcoholics especially should be able to see that instinctrun wild in themselves is the underlying cause of their de-structive drinking. We have drunk to drown feelings of fear,frustration, and depression. We have drunk to escape theguilt of passions, and then have drunk again to make morepassions possible. We have drunk for vainglorythat wemight the more enjoy foolish dreams of pomp and power.This perverse soul-sickness is not pleasant to look upon. In-stincts on rampage balk at investigation. The minute wemake a serious attempt to probe them, we are liable to suf- STEP FOUR45fer severe reactions.If temperamentally we are on the depressive side, weare apt to be swamped with guilt and self-loathing. We wal-low in this messy bog, often getting a misshapen andpainful pleasure out of it. As we morbidly pursue thismelancholy activity, we may sink to such a point of despairthat nothing but oblivion looks possible as a solution. Here,of course, we have lost all perspective, and therefore allgenuine humility. For this is pride in reverse. This is not amoral inventory at all; it is the very process by which thedepressive has so often been led to the bottle and extinction.If, however, our natural disposition is inclined to self-righteousness or grandiosity, our reaction will be just theopposite. We will be offended at A.A.'s suggested invento-ry. No doubt we shall point with pride to the good lives wethought we led before the bottle cut us down. We shallclaim that our serious character defects, if we think we haveany at all, have been caused chiefly by excessive drinking.This being so, we think it logically follows that sobrietyfirst, last, and all the timeis the only thing we need towork for. We believe that our one-time good characters willbe revived the moment we quit alcohol. If we were prettynice people all along, except for our drinking, what need isthere for a moral inventory now that we are sober?We also clutch at another wonderful excuse for avoid-ing an inventory. Our present anxieties and troubles, we cry,are caused by the behavior of other peoplepeople whoreally n e ed a moral inventory. We firmly believe that ifonly they'd treat us better, we'd be all right. Therefore wethink our indignation is justified and reasonablethat our 46STEP FOURresentments are the right kind. We aren't the guilty ones.They are!At this stage of the inventory proceedings, our sponsorscome to the rescue. They can do this, for they are the carri-ers of A.A.'s tested experience with Step Four. Theycomfort the melancholy one by first showing him that hiscase is not strange or different, that his character defects areprobably not more numerous or worse than those of anyoneelse in A.A. This the sponsor promptly proves by talkingfreely and easily, and without exhibitionism, about his owndefects, past and present. This calm, yet realistic, stocktak-ing is immensely reassuring. The sponsor probably pointsout that the newcomer has some assets which can be notedalong with his liabilities. This tends to clear away morbidityand encourage balance. As soon as he begins to be moreobjective, the newcomer can fearlessly, rather than fearful-ly, look at his own defects.The sponsors of those who feel they need no inventoryare confronted with quite another problem. This is becausepeople who are driven by pride of self unconsciously blindthemselves to their liabilities. These newcomers scarcelyneed comforting. The problem is to help them discover achink in the walls their ego has built, through which thelight of reason can shine.First off, they can be told that the majority of A.A.members have suffered severely from self-justification dur-ing their drinking days. For most of us, self-justificationwas the maker of excuses; excuses, of course, for drinking,and for all kinds of crazy and damaging conduct. We hadmade the invention of alibis a fine art. We had to drink be- STEP FOUR47cause times were hard or times were good. We had to drinkbecause at home we were smothered with love or got noneat all. We had to drink because at work we were great suc-cesses or dismal failures. We had to drink because ournation had won a war or lost a peace. And so it went, ad in-finitum.We thought conditions drove us to drink, and whenwe tried to correct these conditions and found that wecouldn't to our entire satisfaction, our drinking went out ofhand and we became alcoholics. It never occurred to us thatwe needed to change ourselves to meet conditions, whatev-er they were.But in A.A. we slowly learned that something had to bedone about our vengeful resentments, self-pity, and unwar-ranted pride. We had to see that every time we played thebig shot, we turned people against us. We had to see thatwhen we harbored grudges and planned revenge for suchdefeats, we were really beating ourselves with the club ofanger we had intended to use on others. We learned that ifwe were seriously disturbed, our first need was to quiet thatdisturbance, regardless of who or what we thought causedit.To see how erratic emotions victimized us often took along time. We could perceive them quickly in others, butonly slowly in ourselves. First of all, we had to admit thatwe had many of these defects, even though such disclo-sures were painful and humiliating. Where other peoplewere concerned, we had to drop the word blame fromour speech and thought. This required great willingnesseven to begin. But once over the first two or three high hur- 48STEP FOURdles, the course ahead began to look easier. For we hadstarted to get perspective on ourselves, which is anotherway of saying that we were gaining in humility.Of course the depressive and the power-driver are per-sonality extremes, types with which A.A. and the wholeworld abound. Often these personalities are just as sharplydefined as the examples given. But just as often some of uswill fit more or less into both classifications. Human beingsare never quite alike, so each of us, when making an inven-tory, will need to determine what his individual characterdefects are. Having found the shoes that fit, he ought to stepinto them and walk with new confidence that he is at last onthe right track.Now let's ponder the need for a list of the more glaringpersonality defects all of us have in varying degrees. Tothose having religious training, such a list would set forthserious violations of moral principles. Some others willthink of this list as defects of character. Still others will callit an index of maladjustments. Some will become quite an-noyed if there is talk about immorality, let alone sin. But allwho are in the least reasonable will agree upon one point:that there is plenty wrong with us alcoholics about whichplenty will have to be done if we are to expect sobriety,progress, and any real ability to cope with life.To avoid falling into confusion over the names thesedefects should be called, let's take a universally recognizedlist of major human failingsthe Seven Deadly Sins ofpride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony, envy, and sloth. It is notby accident that pride heads the procession. For pride, lead-ing to self-justification, and always spurred by conscious or STEP FOUR49unconscious fears, is the basic breeder of most human diffi-culties, the chief block to true progress. Pride lures us intomaking demands upon ourselves or upon others which can-not be met without perverting or misusing our God-giveninstincts. When the satisfaction of our instincts for sex, se-curity, and society becomes the sole object of our lives,then pride steps in to justify our excesses.All these failings generate fear, a soul-sickness in itsown right. Then fear, in turn, generates more character de-fects. Unreasonable fear that our instincts will not besatisfied drives us to covet the possessions of others, to lustfor sex and power, to become angry when our instinctivedemands are threatened, to be envious when the ambitionsof others seem to be realized while ours are not. We eat,drink, and grab for more of everything than we need, fear-ing we shall never have enough. And with genuine alarm atthe prospect of work, we stay lazy. We loaf and procrasti-nate, or at best work grudgingly and under half steam.These fears are the termites that ceaselessly devour thefoundations of whatever sort of life we try to build.So when A.A. suggests a fearless moral inventory, itmust seem to every newcomer that more is being asked ofhim than he can do. Both his pride and his fear beat himback every time he tries to look within himself. Pride says,You need not pass this way, and Fear says, You dare notlook! But the testimony of A.A.'s who have really tried amoral inventory is that pride and fear of this sort turn out tobe bogeymen, nothing else. Once we have a complete will-ingness to take inventory, and exert ourselves to do the jobthoroughly, a wonderful light falls upon this foggy scene. 50STEP FOURAs we persist, a brand-new kind of confidence is born, andthe sense of relief at finally facing ourselves is indescrib-able. These are the first fruits of Step Four.By now the newcomer has probably arrived at the fol-lowing conclusions: that his character defects, representinginstincts gone astray, have been the primary cause of hisdrinking and his failure at life; that unless he is now willingto work hard at the elimination of the worst of these de-fects, both sobriety and peace of mind will still elude him;that all the faulty foundation of his life will have to be tornout and built anew on bedrock. Now willing to commencethe search for his own defects, he will ask, Just how do Igo about this? How do I take inventory of myself?Since Step Four is but the beginning of a lifetime prac-tice, it can be suggested that he first have a look at thosepersonal flaws which are acutely troublesome and fairlyobvious. Using his best judgment of what has been rightand what has been wrong, he might make a rough survey ofhis conduct with respect to his primary instincts for sex, se-curity, and society. Looking back over his life, he canreadily get under way by consideration of questions such asthese:When, and how, and in just what instances did my self-ish pursuit of the sex relation damage other people and me?What people were hurt, and how badly? Did I spoil mymarriage and injure my children? Did I jeopardize mystanding in the community? Just how did I react to thesesituations at the time? Did I burn with a guilt that nothingcould extinguish? Or did I insist that I was the pursued andnot the pursuer, and thus absolve myself? How have I re- STEP FOUR51acted to frustration in sexual matters? When denied, did Ibecome vengeful or depressed? Did I take it out on otherpeople? If there was rejection or coldness at home, did I usethis as a reason for promiscuity?Also of importance for most alcoholics are the ques-tions they must ask about their behavior respectingfinancial and emotional security. In these areas fear, greed,possessiveness, and pride have too often done their worst.Surveying his business or employment record, almost anyalcoholic can ask questions like these: In addition to mydrinking problem, what character defects contributed to myfinancial instability? Did fear and inferiority about my fit-ness for my job destroy my confidence and fill me withconflict? Did I try to cover up those feelings of inadequacyby bluffing, cheating, lying, or evading responsibility? Orby griping that others failed to recognize my truly excep-tional abilities? Did I overvalue myself and play the bigshot? Did I have such unprincipled ambition that I double-crossed and undercut my associates? Was I extravagant?Did I recklessly borrow money, caring little whether it wasrepaid or not? Was I a pinch penny, refusing to support myfamily properly? Did I cut corners financially? What aboutthe qui ck m on ey deals, the stock market, and the races?Businesswomen in A.A. will naturally find that many ofthese questions apply to them, too. But the alcoholic house-wife can also make the family financially insecure. She canjuggle charge accounts, manipulate the food budget, spendher afternoons gambling, and run her husband into debt byirresponsibility, waste, and extravagance.But all alcoholics who have drunk themselves out of 52STEP FOURjobs, family, and friends will need to cross-examine them-selves ruthlessly to determine how their own personalitydefects have thus demolished their security.The most common symptoms of emotional insecurityare worry, anger, self-pity, and depression. These stem fromcauses which sometimes seem to be within us, and at othert times to come from without. To take inventory in this re-spect we ought to consider carefully all personalrelationships which bring continuous or recurring trouble. Itshould be remembered that this kind of insecurity may arisein any area where instincts are threatened. Questioning di-rected to this end might run like this: Looking at both pastand present, what sex situations have caused me anxiety,bitterness, frustration, or depression? Appraising each situa-tion fairly, can I see where I have been at fault? Did theseperplexities beset me because of selfishness or unreason-able demands? Or, if my disturbance was seemingly causedby the behavior of others, why do I lack the ability to acceptconditions I cannot change? These are the sort of funda-mental inquiries that can disclose the source of mydiscomfort and indicate whether I may be able to alter myown conduct and so adjust myself serenely to self-disci-pline.Suppose that financial insecurity constantly arousesthese same feelings. I can ask myself to what extent havemy own mistakes fed my gnawing anxieties. And if the ac-tions of others are part of the cause, what can I do aboutthat? If I am unable to change the present state of affairs,am I willing to take the measures necessary to shape mylife to conditions as they are? Questions like these, more of STEP FOUR53which will come to mind easily in each individual case, willhelp turn up the root causes.But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends,and society at large that many of us have suffered the most.We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them.The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inabil-ity to form a true partnership with another human being.Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insistupon dominating the people we know, or we depend uponthem far too much. If we lean too heavily on people, theywill sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and can-not possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way ourinsecurity grows and festers. When we habitually try to ma-nipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, andresist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense ofpersecution, and a desire to retaliate. As we redouble our ef-forts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomesacute and constant. We have not once sought to be one in afamily, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker amongworkers, to be a useful member of society. Always we triedto struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it.This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relationwith any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we hadsmall comprehension.Some will object to many of the questions posed, be-cause they think their own character defects have not beenso glaring. To these it can be suggested that a conscientiousexamination is likely to reveal the very defects the objec-tionable questions are concerned with. Because our surfacerecord hasn't looked too bad, we have frequently been 54STEP FOURabashed to find that this is so simply because we haveburied these self same defects deep down in us under thicklayers of self-justification. Whatever the defects, they havefinally ambushed us into alcoholism and misery.Therefore, thoroughness ought to be the watchwordwhen taking inventory. In this connection, it is wise to writeout our questions and answers. It will be an aid to clearthinking and honest appraisal. It will be the first tangibleevidence of our complete willingness to move forward. Step FiveAdmitted to God, to ourselves, and to an-other human being the exact nature of ourwrongs.ALL OF A.A.'s Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to ournatural desires . . . they all deflate our egos. When it comesto ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take than Five. Butscarcely any Step is more necessary to longtime sobrietyand peace of mind than this one.A.A. experience has taught us we cannot live alonewith our pressing problems and the character defects whichcause or aggravate them. If we have swept the searchlightof Step Four back and forth over our careers, and it has re-vealed in stark relief those experiences we'd rather notremember, if we have come to know how wrong thinkingand action have hurt us and others, then the need to quit liv-ing by ourselves with those tormenting ghosts of yesterdaygets more urgent than ever. We have to talk to somebodyabout them.So intense, though, is our fear and reluctance to do this,that many A.A.'s at first try to bypass Step Five. We searchfor an easier waywhich usually consists of the generaland fairly painless admission that when drinking we weresometimes bad actors. Then, for good measure, we add dra-matic descriptions of that part of our drinking behaviorwhich our friends probably know about anyhow.But of the things which really bother and burn us, we55 56STEP FIVEsay nothing. Certain distressing or humiliating memories,we tell ourselves, ought not be shared with anyone. Thesewill remain our secret. Not a soul must ever know. We hopethey'll go to the grave with us.Yet if A.A.'s experience means anything at all, this isnot only unwise, but is actually a perilous resolve. Fewmuddled attitudes have caused us more trouble than hold-ing back on Step Five. Some people are unable to staysober at all; others will relapse periodically until they reallyclean house. Even A.A. old timers, sober for years, oftenpay dearly for skimping this Step. They will tell how theytried to carry the load alone; how much they suffered of ir-ritability, anxiety, remorse, and depression; and how,unconsciously seeking relief, they would sometimes accuseeven their best friends of the very character defects theythemselves were trying to conceal. They always discoveredthat relief never came by confessing the sins of other peo-ple. Everybody had to confess his own.This practice of admitting one's defects to another per-son is, of course, very ancient. It has been validated inevery century, and it characterizes the lives of all spirituallycentered and truly religious people. But today religion is byno means the sole advocate of this saving principle. Psychi-atrists and psychologists point out the deep need everyhuman being has for practical insight and knowledge of hisown personality flaws and for a discussion of them with anunderstanding and trustworthy person. So far as alcoholicsare concerned, A.A. would go even further. Most of uswould declare that without a fearless admission of our de-fects to another human being we could not stay sober. It STEP FIVE57seems plain that the grace of God will not enter to expel ourdestructive obsessions until we are willing to try this.What are we likely to receive from Step Five? For onething, we shall get rid of that terrible sense of isolationwe've always had. Almost without exception, alcoholics aretortured by loneliness. Even before our drinking got badand people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered thefeeling that we didn't quite belong. Either we were shy, anddared not draw near others, or we were apt to be noisy goodfellows craving attention and companionship, but nevergetting itat least to our way of thinking. There was al-ways that mysterious barrier we could neither surmount norunderstand. It was as if we were actors on a stage, suddenlyrealizing that we did not know a single line of our parts.That's one reason we loved alcohol too well. It did let us actextemporaneously. But even Bacchus boomeranged on us;we were finally struck down and left in terrified loneliness.When we reached A.A., and for the first time in ourlives stood among people who seemed to understand, thesense of belonging was tremendously exciting. We thoughtthe isolation problem had been solved. But we soon discov-ered that while we weren't alone any more in a social sense,we still suffered many of the old pangs of anxious apart-ness. Until we had talked with complete candor of ourconflicts, and had listened to someone else do the samething, we still didn't belong. Step Five was the answer. Itwas the beginning of true kinship with man and God.This vital Step was also the means by which we beganto get the feeling that we could be forgiven, no matter whatwe had thought or done. Often it was while working on this 58STEP FIVEStep with our sponsors or spiritual advisers that we first felttruly able to forgive others, no matter how deeply we feltthey had wronged us. Our moral inventory had persuadedus that all-round forgiveness was desirable, but it was onlywhen we resolutely tackled Step Five that we inwardlyknew we'd be able to receive forgiveness and give it, too.Another great dividend we may expect from confidingour defects to another human being is humilitya word of-ten misunderstood. To those who have made progress inA.A., it amounts to a clear recognition of what and who wereally are, followed by a sincere attempt to become whatwe could be. Therefore, our first practical move toward hu-mility must consist of recognizing our deficiencies. Nodefect can be corrected unless we clearly see what it is. Butwe shall have to do more than see. The objective look atourselves we achieved in Step Four was, after all, only alook. All of us saw, for example, that we lacked honestyand tolerance, that we were beset at times by attacks of self-pity or delusions of personal grandeur. But while this was ahumiliating experience, it didn't necessarily mean that wehad yet acquired much actual humility. Though now recog-nized, our defects were still there. Something had to bedone about them. And we soon found that we could notwish or will them away by ourselves.More realism and therefore more honesty about our-selves are the great gains we make under the influence ofStep Five. As we took inventory, we began to suspect howmuch trouble self-delusion had been causing us. This hadbrought a disturbing reflection. If all our lives we had moreor less fooled ourselves, how could we now be so sure that STEP FIVE59we weren't still self-deceived? How could we be certainthat we had made a true catalog of our defects and had real-ly admitted them, even to ourselves? Because we were stillbothered by fear, self-pity, and hurt feelings, it was probablewe couldn't appraise ourselves fairly at all. Too much guiltand remorse might cause us to dramatize and exaggerateour shortcomings. Or anger and hurt pride might be thesmoke screen under which we were hiding some of our de-fects while we blamed others for them. Possibly, too, wewere still handicapped by many liabilities, great and small,we never knew we had.Hence it was most evident that a solitary self-appraisal,and the admission of our defects based upon that alone,wouldn't be nearly enough. We'd have to have outside helpif we were surely to know and admit the truth about our-selvesthe help of God and another human being. Only bydiscussing ourselves, holding back nothing, only by beingwilling to take advice and accept direction could we set footon the road to straight thinking, solid honesty, and genuinehumility.Yet many of us still hung back. We said, W hy can't'God as we understand Him' tell us where we are astray? Ifthe Creator gave us our lives in the first place, then He mustknow in every detail where we have since gone wrong.Why don't we make our admissions to Him directly? Whydo we need to bring anyone else into this?At this stage, the difficulties of trying to deal rightlywith God by ourselves are twofold. Though we may at firstbe startled to realize that God knows all about us, we areapt to get used to that quite quickly. Somehow, being alone 60STEP FIVEwith God doesn't seem as embarrassing as facing up to an-other person. Until we actually sit down and talk aloudabout what we have so long hidden, our willingness toclean house is still largely theoretical. When we are honestwith another person, it confirms that we have been honestwith ourselves and with God.The second difficulty is this: what comes to us alonemay be garbled by our own rationalization and wishfulthinking. The benefit of talking to another person is that wecan get his direct comment and counsel on our situation,and there can be no doubt in our minds what that advice is.Going it alone in spiritual matters is dangerous. How manytimes have we heard well-intentioned people claim theguidance of God when it was all too plain that they weresorely mistaken. Lacking both practice and humility, theyhad deluded themselves and were able to justify the mostarrant nonsense on the ground that this was what God hadtold them. It is worth noting that people of very high spiri-tual development almost always insist on checking withfriends or spiritual advisers the guidance they feel they havereceived from God. Surely, then, a novice ought not layhimself open to the chance of making foolish, perhaps trag-ic, blunders in this fashion. While the comment or advice ofothers may be by no means infallible, it is likely to be farmore specific than any direct guidance we may receivewhile we are still so inexperienced in establishing contactwith a Power greater than ourselves.Our next problem will be to discover the person inwhom we are to confide. Here we ought to take much care,remembering that prudence is a virtue which carries a high STEP FIVE61rating. Perhaps we shall need to share with this person factsabout ourselves which no others ought to know. We shallwant to speak with someone who is experienced, who notonly has stayed dry but has been able to surmount other se-rious difficulties. Difficulties, perhaps, like our own. Thisperson may turn out to be one's sponsor, but not necessarilyso. If you have developed a high confidence in him, and histemperament and problems are close to your own, thensuch a choice will be good. Besides, your sponsor alreadyhas the advantage of knowing something about your case.Perhaps, though, your relation to him is such that youwould care to reveal only a part of your story. If this is thesituation, by all means do so, for you ought to make a be-ginning as soon as you can. It may turn out, however, thatyou'll choose someone else for the more difficult and deep-er revelations. This individual may be entirely outside ofA.A.for example, your clergyman or your doctor. Forsome of us, a complete stranger may prove the best bet.The real tests of the situation are your own willingnessto confide and your full confidence in the one with whomyou share your first accurate self-survey. Even when you'vefound the person, it frequently takes great resolution to ap-proach him or her. No one ought to say the A.A. programrequires no willpower; here is one place you may requireall you've got. Happily, though, the chances are that youwill be in for a very pleasant surprise. When your missionis carefully explained, and it is seen by the recipient of yourconfidence how helpful he can really be, the conversationwill start easily and will soon become eager. Before long,your listener may well tell a story or two about himself 62STEP FIVEwhich will place you even more at ease. Provided you holdback nothing, your sense of relief will mount from minuteto minute. The dammed-up emotions of years break out oftheir confinement, and miraculously vanish as soon as theyare exposed. As the pain subsides, a healing tranquilitytakes its place. And when humility and serenity are so com-bined, something else of great moment is apt to occur.Many an A.A., once agnostic or atheistic, tells us that it wasduring this stage of Step Five that he first actually felt thepresence of God. And even those who had faith already of-ten become conscious of God as they never were before.This feeling of being at one with God and man, thisemerging from isolation through the open and honest shar-ing of our terrible burden of guilt, brings us to a restingplace where we may prepare ourselves for the followingSteps toward a full and meaningful sobriety. Step SixWere entirely ready to have God removeall these defects of character.THIS is the Step that separates the men from the boys.So declares a well-loved clergyman who happens to be oneof A.A.'s greatest friends. He goes on to explain that anyperson capable of enough willingness and honesty to try re-peatedly Step Six on all his faultswithout anyreservations whateverhas indeed come a long way spiri-tually, and is therefore entitled to be called a man who issincerely trying to grow in the image and likeness of hisown Creator.Of course, the often disputed question of whether Godcanand will, under certain conditionsremove defectsof character will be answered with a prompt affirmative byalmost any A.A. member. To him, this proposition will beno theory at all; it will be just about the largest fact in hislife. He will usually offer his proof in a statement like this:Sure, I was beaten, absolutely licked. My ownwillpower just wouldn't work on alcohol. Change of scene,the best efforts of family, friends, doctors, and clergymengot no place with my alcoholism. I simply couldn't stopdrinking, and no human being could seem to do the job forme. But when I became willing to clean house and thenasked a Higher Power, God as I understood Him, to giveme release, my obsession to drink vanished. It was liftedright out of me.63 64STEP SIXIn A.A. meetings all over the world, statements just likethis are heard daily. It is plain for everybody to see that eachsober A.A. member has been granted a release from thisvery obstinate and potentially fatal obsession. So in a verycomplete and literal way, all A.A.'s have become entirelyready to have God remove the mania for alcohol fromtheir lives. And God has proceeded to do exactly that.Having been granted a perfect release from alcoholism,why then shouldn't we be able to achieve by the samemeans a perfect release from every other difficulty or de-fect? This is a riddle of our existence, the full answer towhich may be only in the mind of God. Nevertheless, atleast a part of the answer to it is apparent to us.When men and women pour so much alcohol intothemselves that they destroy their lives, they commit a mostunnatural act. Defying their instinctive desire for self-preservation, they seem bent upon self-destruction. Theywork against their own deepest instinct. As they are hum-bled by the terrific beating administered by alcohol, thegrace of God can enter them and expel their obsession.Here their powerful instinct to live can cooperate fully withtheir Creator's desire to give them new life. For nature andGod alike abhor suicide.But most of our other difficulties don't fall under such acategory at all. Every normal person wants, for example, toeat, to reproduce, to be somebody in the society of his fel-lows. And he wishes to be reasonably safe and secure as hetries to attain these things. Indeed, God made him that way.He did not design man to destroy himself by alcohol, butHe did give man instincts to help him to stay alive. STEP SIX65It is nowhere evident, at least in this life, that our Cre-ator expects us fully to eliminate our instinctual drives. Sofar as we know, it is nowhere on the record that God hascompletely removed from any human being all his naturaldrives.Since most of us are born with an abundance of naturaldesires, it isn't strange that we often let these far exceedtheir intended purpose. When they drive us blindly, or wewillfully demand that they supply us with more satisfac-tions or pleasures than are possible or due us, that is thepoint at which we depart from the degree of perfection thatGod wishes for us here on earth. That is the measure of ourcharacter defects, or, if you wish, of our sins.If we ask, God will certainly forgive our derelictions.But in no case does He render us white as snow and keepus that way without our cooperation. That is something weare supposed to be willing to work toward ourselves. Heasks only that we try as best we know how to makeprogress in the building of character.So Step SixWere entirely ready to have God removeall these defects of characteris A.A.'s way of stating thebest possible attitude one can take in order to make a begin-ning on this lifetime job. This does not mean that we expectall our character defects to be lifted out of us as the drive todrink was. A few of them may be, but with most of themwe shall have to be content with patient improvement. Thekey words entirely ready un derl i n e th e f act th at we wan tto aim at the very best we know or can learn.How many of us have this degree of readiness? In anabsolute sense practically nobody has it. The best we can 66STEP SIXdo, with all the honesty that we can summon, is to try tohave it. Even then the best of us will discover to our dismaythat there is always a sticking point, a point at which wesay, No, I can ' t gi v e th i s up y et. A n d we s h al l of ten treadon even more dangerous ground when we cry, Th i s I wi l lnever give up! Such i s th e power of our i n s ti n cts to ov er-reach themselves. No matter how far we have progressed,desires will always be found which oppose the grace ofGod.Some who feel they have done well may dispute this,so let's try to think it through a little further. Practically ev-ery body wishes to be rid of his most glaring anddestructive handicaps. No one wants to be so proud that heis scorned as a braggart, nor so greedy that he is labeled athief. No one wants to be angry enough to murder, lustfulenough to rape, gluttonous enough to ruin his health. Noone wants to be agonized by the chronic pain of envy or tobe paralyzed by sloth. Of course, most human beings don'tsuffer these defects at these rock-bottom levels.We who have escaped these extremes are apt to con-gratulate ourselves. Yet can we? After all, hasn't it been self-interest, pure and simple, that has enabled most of us to es-cape? Not much spiritual effort is involved in avoidingexcesses which will bring us punishment anyway. Butwhen we face up to the less violent aspects of these verysame defects, then where do we stand?What we must recognize now is that we exult in someof our defects. We really love them. Who, for example,doesn't like to feel just a little superior to the next fellow, oreven quite a lot superior? Isn't it true that we like to let STEP SIX67greed masquerade as ambition? To think of liking l u s tseems impossible. But how many men and women speaklove with their lips, and believe what they say, so that theycan hide lust in a dark corner of their minds? And evenwhile staying within conventional bounds, many peoplehave to admit that their imaginary sex excursions are apt tobe all dressed up as dreams of romance.Self-righteous anger also can be very enjoyable. In aperverse way we can actually take satisfaction from the factthat many people annoy us, for it brings a comfortable feel-ing of superiority. Gossip barbed with our anger, a politeform of murder by character assassination, has its satisfac-tions for us, too. Here we are not trying to help those wecriticize; we are trying to proclaim our own righteousness. When gluttony is less than ruinous, we have a milderword for that, too; we call it taking our comfort. We livein a world riddled with envy. To a greater or less degree,everybody is infected with it. From this defect we mustsurely get a warped yet definite satisfaction. Else whywould we consume such great amounts of time wishing forwhat we have not, rather than working for it, or angrilylooking for attributes we shall never have, instead of adjust-ing to the fact, and accepting it? And how often we workhard with no better motive than to be secure and slothfullater ononly we call that retiring. Consider, too, our tal-ents for procrastination, which is really sloth in fivesyllables. Nearly anyone could submit a good list of suchdefects as these, and few of us would seriously think of giv-ing them up, at least until they cause us excessive misery.Some people, of course, may conclude that they are in- 68STEP SIXdeed ready to have all such defects taken from them. Buteven these people, if they construct a list of still milder de-fects, will be obliged to admit that they prefer to hang on tosome of them. Therefore, it seems plain that few of us canquickly or easily become ready to aim at spiritual andmoral perfection; we want to settle for only as much perfec-tion as will get us by in life, according, of course, to ourvarious and sundry ideas of what will get us by. So the dif-ference between the boys and the men is the differencebetween striving for a self-determined objective and for theperfect objective which is of God.Many will at once ask, How can we accept the entireimplication of Step Six? Whythat is perfection! Thissounds like a hard question, but practically speaking, it isn't.Only Step One, where we made the 100 percent admissionwe were powerless over alcohol, can be practiced with ab-solute perfection. The remaining eleven Steps state perfectideals. They are goals toward which we look, and the mea-suring sticks by which we estimate our progress. Seen inthis light, Step Six is still difficult, but not at all impossible.The only urgent thing is that we make a beginning, andkeep trying.If we would gain any real advantage in the use of thisStep on problems other than alcohol, we shall need to makea brand new venture into open-mindedness. We shall needto raise our eyes toward perfection, and be ready to walk inthat direction. It will seldom matter how haltingly we walk.The only question will be A re we ready ?Looking again at those defects we are still unwilling togive up, we ought to erase the hard-and-fast lines that we STEP SIX69have drawn. Perhaps we shall be obliged in some cases stillto say, Th i s I can n ot gi v e up y et . . . , but we should notsay to ourselves, This I will never give up!Let's dispose of what appears to be a hazardous openend we have left. It is suggested that we ought to becomeentirely willing to aim toward perfection. We note thatsome delay, however, might be pardoned. That word, in themind of a rationalizing alcoholic, could certainly be given alongterm meaning. He could say, How v ery eas y ! Sure, I' l lhead toward perfection, but I'm certainly not going to hurryany. Maybe I can postpone dealing with some of my prob-lems indefinitely. Of cours e, th i s won ' t do. Such a b l uf f i n gof oneself will have to go the way of many another pleasantrationalization. At the very least, we shall have to come togrips with some of our worst character defects and take ac-tion toward their removal as quickly as we can.The moment we say, No, never! our minds closeagainst the grace of God. Delay is dangerous, and rebellionmay be fatal. This is the exact point at which we abandonlimited objectives, and move toward God's will for us. Step SevenHumbly asked Him to remove our short-comings.SINCE this Step so specifically concerns itself with hu-mility, we should pause here to consider what humility isand what the practice of it can mean to us.Indeed, the attainment of greater humility is the founda-tion principle of each of A.A.'s Twelve Steps. For withoutsome degree of humility, no alcoholic can stay sober at all.Nearly all A.A.'s have found, too, that unless they developmuch more of this precious quality than may be requiredjust for sobriety, they still haven't much chance of becom-ing truly happy. Without it, they cannot live to much usefulpurpose, or, in adversity, be able to summon the faith thatcan meet any emergency.Humility, as a word and as an ideal, has a very bad timeof it in our world. Not only is the idea misunderstood; theword itself is often intensely disliked. Many people haven'teven a nodding acquaintance with humility as a way of life.Much of the everyday talk we hear, and a great deal of whatwe read, highlights man's pride in his own achievements. With great intelligence, men of science have been forc-ing nature to disclose her secrets. The immense resourcesnow being harnessed promise such a quantity of materialblessings that many have come to believe that a man-mademillennium lies just ahead. Poverty will disappear, andthere will be such abundance that everybody can have allthe security and personal satisfactions he desires. The theo-70 STEP SEVEN71ry seems to be that once everybody's primary instincts aresatisfied, there won't be much left to quarrel about. Theworld will then turn happy and be free to concentrate onculture and character. Solely by their own intelligence andlabor, men will have shaped their own destiny.Certainly no alcoholic, and surely no member of A.A.,wants to deprecate material achievement. Nor do we enterinto debate with the many who still so passionately cling tothe belief that to satisfy our basic natural desires is the mainobject of life. But we are sure that no class of people in theworld ever made a worse mess of trying to live by this for-mula than alcoholics. For thousands of years we have beendemanding more than our share of security, prestige, andromance. When we seemed to be succeeding, we drank todream still greater dreams. When we were frustrated, evenin part, we drank for oblivion. Never was there enough ofwhat we thought we wanted.In all these strivings, so many of them well-intentioned,our crippling handicap had been our lack of humility. Wehad lacked the perspective to see that character-buildingand spiritual values had to come first, and that material sat-isfactions were not the purpose of living. Quitecharacteristically, we had gone all out in confusing the endswith the means. Instead of regarding the satisfaction of ourmaterial desires as the means by which we could live andfunction as human beings, we had taken these satisfactionsto be the final end and aim of life.True, most of us thought good character was desirable,but obviously good character was something one needed toget on with the business of being self-satisfied. With a 72STEP SEVENproper display of honesty and morality, we'd stand a betterchance of getting what we really wanted. But whenever wehad to choose between character and comfort, the charac-ter-building was lost in the dust of our chase after what wethought was happiness. Seldom did we look at character-building as something desirable in itself, something wewould like to strive for whether our instinctual needs weremet or not. We never thought of making honesty, tolerance,and true love of man and God the daily basis of living.This lack of anchorage to any permanent values, thisblindness to the true purpose of our lives, produced anotherbad result. For just so long as we were convinced that wecould live exclusively by our own individual strength andintelligence, for just that long was a working faith in aHigher Power impossible. This was true even when we be-lieved that God existed. We could actually have earnestreligious beliefs which remained barren because we werestill trying to play God ourselves. As long as we placedself-reliance first, a genuine reliance upon a Higher Powerwas out of the question. That basic ingredient of all humili-ty, a desire to seek and do God's will, was missing.For us, the process of gaining a new perspective wasunbelievably painful. It was only by repeated humiliationsthat we were forced to learn something about humility. Itwas only at the end of a long road, marked by successivedefeats and humiliations, and the final crushing of our self-sufficiency, that we began to feel humility as somethingmore than a condition of groveling despair. Every newcom-er in Alcoholics Anonymous is told, and soon realizes forhimself, that his humble admission of powerlessness over STEP SEVEN73alcohol is his first step toward liberation from its paralyzinggrip.So it is that we first see humility as a necessity. But thisis the barest beginning. To get completely away from ouraversion to the idea of being humble, to gain a vision of hu-mility as the avenue to true freedom of the human spirit, tobe willing to work for humility as something to be desiredfor itself, takes most of us a long, long time. A whole life-time geared to self-centeredness cannot be set in reverse allat once. Rebellion dogs our every step at first.When we have finally admitted without reservation thatwe are powerless over alcohol, we are apt to breathe a greatsigh of relief, saying, Well, thank God that's over! I'll nev-er have to go through that again! Th en we l earn , of ten toour consternation, that this is only the first milestone on thenew road we are walking. Still goaded by sheer necessity,we reluctantly come to grips with those serious characterflaws that made problem drinkers of us in the first place,flaws which must be dealt with to prevent a retreat into al-coholism once again. We will want to be rid of some ofthese defects, but in some instances this will appear to be animpossible job from which we recoil. And we cling with apassionate persistence to others which are just as disturbingto our equilibrium, because we still enjoy them too much.How can we possibly summon the resolution and the will-ingness to get rid of such overwhelming compulsions anddesires?But again we are driven on by the inescapable conclu-sion which we draw from A.A. experience, that we surelymust try with a will, or else fall by the wayside. At this 74STEP SEVENstage of our progress we are under heavy pressure and co-ercion to do the right thing. We are obliged to choosebetween the pains of trying and the certain penalties of fail-ing to do so. These initial steps along the road are takengrudgingly, yet we do take them. We may still have no veryhigh opinion of humility as a desirable personal virtue, butwe do recognize it as a necessary aid to our survival.But when we have taken a square look at some of thesedefects, have discussed them with another, and have be-come willing to have them removed, our thinking abouthumility commences to have a wider meaning. By this timein all probability we have gained some measure of releasefrom our more devastating handicaps. We enjoy momentsin which there is something like real peace of mind. Tothose of us who have hitherto known only excitement, de-pression, or anxietyin other words, to all of usthisnewfound peace is a priceless gift. Something new indeedhas been added. Where humility had formerly stood for aforced feeding on humble pie, it now begins to mean thenourishing ingredient which can give us serenity.This improved perception of humility starts anotherrevolutionary change in our outlook. Our eyes begin toopen to the immense values which have come straight outof painful ego-puncturing. Until now, our lives have beenlargely devoted to running from pain and problems. Wefled from them as from a plague. We never wanted to dealwith the fact of suffering. Escape via the bottle was alwaysour solution. Character-building through suffering might beall right for saints, but it certainly didn't appeal to us.Then, in A.A., we looked and listened. Everywhere we STEP SEVEN75saw failure and misery transformed by humility into price-less assets. We heard story after story of how humility hadbrought strength out of weakness. In every case, pain hadbeen the price of admission into a new life. But this admis-sion price had purchased more than we expected. It broughta measure of humility, which we soon discovered to be ahealer of pain. We began to fear pain less, and desire humil-ity more than ever.During this process of learning more about humility, themost profound result of all was the change in our attitudetoward God. And this was true whether we had been be-lievers or unbelievers. We began to get over the idea thatthe Higher Power was a sort of bush-league pinch hitter, tobe called upon only in an emergency. The notion that wewould still live our own lives, God helping a little now andthen, began to evaporate. Many of us who had thought our-selves religious awoke to the limitations of this attitude.Refusing to place God first, we had deprived ourselves ofHis help. But now the words Of m y s el f I am n oth i n g, th eFather doeth the works began to carry bright promise andmeaning.We saw we needn't always be bludgeoned and beateninto humility. It could come quite as much from our volun-tary reaching for it as it could from unremitting suffering. Agreat turning point in our lives came when we sought forhumility as something we really wanted, rather than assomething we must h a v e. It marked the time when wecould commence to see the full implication of Step Seven:Hum b l y as ked Hi m to rem ov e our s h ortcom i n gs .As we approach the actual taking of Step Seven, it 76STEP SEVENmight be well if we A.A.'s inquire once more just what ourdeeper objectives are. Each of us would like to live at peacewith himself and with his fellows. We would like to be as-sured that the grace of God can do for us what we cannotdo for ourselves. We have seen that character defects basedupon shortsighted or unworthy desires are the obstacles thatblock our path toward these objectives. We now clearly seethat we have been making unreasonable demands uponourselves, upon others, and upon God.The chief activator of our defects has been self-centeredfearprimarily fear that we would lose something we al-ready possessed or would fail to get something wedemanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, wewere in a state of continual disturbance and frustration.Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find ameans of reducing these demands. The difference betweena demand and a simple request is plain to anyone.The Seventh Step is where we make the change in ourattitude which permits us, with humility as our guide, tomove out from ourselves toward others and toward God.The whole emphasis of Step Seven is on humility. It is real-ly saying to us that we now ought to be willing to tryhumility in seeking the removal of our other shortcomingsjust as we did when we admitted that we were powerlessover alcohol, and came to believe that a Power greater thanourselves could restore us to sanity. If that degree of humili-ty could enable us to find the grace by which such a deadlyobsession could be banished, then there must be hope of thesame result respecting any other problem we could possiblyhave. Step EightMade a list of all persons we had harmed,and became willing to make amends to themall.STEPS Eight and Nine are concerned with personal rela-tions. First, we take a look backward and try to discoverwhere we have been at fault; next we make a vigorous at-tempt to repair the damage we have done; and third, havingthus cleaned away the debris of the past, we consider how,with our newfound knowledge of ourselves, we may devel-op the best possible relations with every human being weknow.This is a very large order. It is a task which we may per-form with increasing skill, but never really finish. Learninghow to live in the greatest peace, partnership, and brother-hood with all men and women, of whatever description, is amoving and fascinating adventure. Every A.A. has foundthat he can make little headway in this new adventure ofliving until he first backtracks and really makes an accurateand unsparing survey of the human wreckage he has left inhis wake. To a degree, he has already done this when takingmoral inventory, but now the time has come when he oughtto redouble his efforts to see how many people he has hurt,and in what ways. This reopening of emotional wounds,some old, some perhaps forgotten, and some still painfullyfestering, will at first look like a purposeless and pointlesspiece of surgery. But if a willing start is made, then the77 78STEP EIGHTgreat advantages of doing this will so quickly reveal them-selves that the pain will be lessened as one obstacle afteranother melts away.These obstacles, however, are very real. The first, andone of the most difficult, has to do with forgiveness. Themoment we ponder a twisted or broken relationship withanother person, our emotions go on the defensive. To es-cape looking at the wrongs we have done another, weresentfully focus on the wrong he has done us. This is espe-cially true if he has, in fact, behaved badly at all.Triumphantly we seize upon his misbehavior as the perfectexcuse for minimizing or forgetting our own.Right here we need to fetch ourselves up sharply. Itdoesn't make much sense when a real toss pot calls a kettleblack. Let's remember that alcoholics are not the only onesbedeviled by sick emotions. Moreover, it is usually a factthat our behavior when drinking has aggravated the defectsof others. We've repeatedly strained the patience of our bestfriends to a snapping point, and have brought out the veryworst in those who didn't think much of us to begin with. Inmany instances we are really dealing with fellow sufferers,people whose woes we have increased. If we are now aboutto ask forgiveness for ourselves, why shouldn't we start outby forgiving them, one and all?When listing the people we have harmed, most of us hitanother solid obstacle. We got a pretty severe shock whenwe realized that we were preparing to make a face-to-faceadmission of our wretched conduct to those we had hurt. Ithad been embarrassing enough when in confidence we hadadmitted these things to God, to ourselves, and to another STEP EIGHT79human being. But the prospect of actually visiting or evenwriting the people concerned now overwhelmed us, espe-cially when we remembered in what poor favor we stoodwith most of them. There were cases, too, where we haddamaged others who were still happily unaware of beinghurt. Why, we cried, shouldn't bygones be bygones? Whydo we have to think of these people at all? These weresome of the ways in which fear conspired with pride to hin-der our making a list of all the people we had harmed.Some of us, though, tripped over a very different snag.We clung to the claim that when drinking we never hurtanybody but ourselves. Our families didn't suffer, becausewe always paid the bills and seldom drank at home. Ourbusiness associates didn't suffer, because we were usuallyon the job. Our reputations hadn't suffered, because wewere certain few knew of our drinking. Those who didwould sometimes assure us that, after all, a lively benderwas only a good man's fault. What real harm, therefore, hadwe done? No more, surely, than we could easily mend witha few casual apologies.This attitude, of course, is the end result of purposefulforgetting. It is an attitude which can only be changed by adeep and honest search of our motives and actions.Though in some cases we cannot make restitution at all,and in some cases action ought to be deferred, we shouldnevertheless make an accurate and really exhaustive surveyof our past life as it has affected other people. In many in-stances we shall find that though the harm done others hasnot been great, the emotional harm we have done ourselveshas. Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emo- 80STEP EIGHTtional conflicts persist below the level of consciousness. Atthe time of these occurrences, they may actually have givenour emotions violent twists which have since discolored ourpersonalities and altered our lives for the worse.While the purpose of making restitution to others isparamount, it is equally necessary that we extricate from anexamination of our personal relations every bit of informa-tion about ourselves and our fundamental difficulties thatwe can. Since defective relations with other human beingshave nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes,including our alcoholism, no field of investigation couldyield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one.Calm, thoughtful reflection upon personal relations candeepen our insight. We can go far beyond those thingswhich were superficially wrong with us, to see those flawswhich were basic, flaws which sometimes were responsiblefor the whole pattern of our lives. Thoroughness, we havefound, will payand pay handsomely.We might next ask ourselves what we mean when wesay that we have harmed other people. What kinds ofharm do people do one another, anyway? To define theword harm in a practical way, we might call it the resultof instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emo-tional, or spiritual damage to people. If our tempers areconsistently bad, we arouse anger in others. If we lie orcheat, we deprive others not only of their worldly goods,but of their emotional security and peace of mind. We real-ly issue them an invitation to become contemptuous andvengeful. If our sex conduct is selfish, we may excite jeal-ousy, misery, and a strong desire to retaliate in kind. STEP EIGHT81Such gross misbehavior is not by any means a full cata-logue of the harms we do. Let us think of some of thesubtler ones which can sometimes be quite as damaging.Suppose that in our family lives we happen to be miserly,irresponsible, callous, or cold. Suppose that we are irritable,critical, impatient, and humorless. Suppose we lavish atten-tion upon one member of the family and neglect the others.What happens when we try to dominate the whole family,either by a rule of iron or by a constant outpouring ofminute directions for just how their lives should be livedfrom hour to hour? What happens when we wallow in de-pression, self-pity oozing from every pore, and inflict thatupon those about us? Such a roster of harms done othersthe kind that make daily living with us as practicing alco-holics difficult and often unbearable could be extendedalmost indefinitely. When we take such personality traits asthese into shop, office, and the society of our fellows, theycan do damage almost as extensive as that we have causedat home.Having carefully surveyed this whole area of human re-lations, and having decided exactly what personality traitsin us injured and disturbed others, we can now commenceto ransack memory for the people to whom we have givenoffense. To put a finger on the nearby and most deeplydamaged ones shouldn't be hard to do. Then, as year byyear we walk back through our lives as far as memory willreach, we shall be bound to construct a long list of peoplewho have, to some extent or other, been affected. Weshould, of course, ponder and weigh each instance careful-ly. We shall want to hold ourselves to the course of 82STEP EIGHTadmitting the things we h a ve done, meanwhile forgivingthe wrongs done us, real or fancied. We should avoid ex-treme judgments, both of ourselves and of others involved.We must not exaggerate our defects or theirs. A quiet, ob-jective view will be our steadfast aim.Whenever our pencil falters, we can fortify and cheerourselves by remembering what A.A. experience in thisStep has meant to others. It is the beginning of the end ofisolation from our fellows and from God. Step NineMade direct amends to such people wher-ever possible, except when to do so wouldinjure them or others.GOOD judgment, a careful sense of timing, courage, andprudencethese are the qualities we shall need when wetake Step Nine.After we have made the list of people we have harmed,have reflected carefully upon each instance, and have triedto possess ourselves of the right attitude in which to pro-ceed, we will see that the making of direct amends dividesthose we should approach into several classes. There willbe those who ought to be dealt with just as soon as we be-come reasonably confident that we can maintain oursobriety. There will be those to whom we can make onlypartial restitution, lest complete disclosures do them or oth-ers more harm than good. There will be other cases whereaction ought to be deferred, and still others in which by thevery nature of the situation we shall never be able to makedirect personal contact at all.Most of us begin making certain kinds of direct amendsfrom the day we join Alcoholics Anonymous. The momentwe tell our families that we are really going to try the pro-gram, the process has begun. In this area there are seldomany questions of timing or caution. We want to come in thedoor shouting the good news. After coming from our firstmeeting, or perhaps after we have finished reading the book83 84STEP NINEAlcoholics Anonymous, we usually want to sit downwith some member of the family and readily admit thedamage we have done by our drinking. Almost always wewant to go further and admit other defects that have madeus hard to live with. This will be a very different occasion,and in sharp contrast with those hangover mornings whenwe alternated between reviling ourselves and blaming thefamily (and everyone else) for our troubles. At this first sit-ting, it is necessary only that we make a general admissionof our defects. It may be unwise at this stage to rehash cer-tain harrowing episodes. Good judgment will suggest thatwe ought to take our time. While we may be quite willingto reveal the very worst, we must be sure to remember thatwe cannot buy our own peace of mind at the expense ofothers.Much the same approach will apply at the office or fac-tory. We shall at once think of a few people who know allabout our drinking, and who have been most affected by it.But even in these cases, we may need to use a little morediscretion than we did with the family. We may not want tosay anything for several weeks, or longer. First we willwish to be reasonably certain that we are on the A.A. beam.Then we are ready to go to these people, to tell them whatA.A. is, and what we are trying to do. Against this back-ground we can freely admit the damage we have done andmake our apologies. We can pay, or promise to pay, what-ever obligations, financial or otherwise, we owe. Thegenerous response of most people to such quiet sinceritywill often astonish us. Even our severest and most justifiedcritics will frequently meet us more than halfway on the STEP NINE85first trial.This atmosphere of approval and praise is apt to be soexhilarating as to put us off balance by creating an insa-tiable appetite for more of the same. Or we may be tippedover in the other direction when, in rare cases, we get a cooland skeptical reception. This will tempt us to argue, or topress our point insistently. Or maybe it will tempt us to dis-couragement and pessimism. But if we have preparedourselves well in advance, such reactions will not deflect usfrom our steady and even purpose.After taking this preliminary trial at making amends,we may enjoy such a sense of relief that we conclude ourtask is finished. We will want to rest on our laurels. Thetemptation to skip the more humiliating and dreaded meet-ings that still remain may be great. We will oftenmanufacture plausible excuses for dodging these issues en-tirely. Or we may just procrastinate, telling ourselves thetime is not yet, when in reality we have already passed upmany a fine chance to right a serious wrong. Let's not talkprudence while practicing evasion.As soon as we begin to feel confident in our new wayof life and have begun, by our behavior and example, toconvince those about us that we are indeed changing for thebetter, it is usually safe to talk in complete frankness withthose who have been seriously affected, even those whomay be only a little or not at all aware of what we havedone to them. The only exceptions we will make will becases where our disclosure would cause actual harm. Theseconversations can begin in a casual or natural way. But ifno such opportunity presents itself, at some point we will 86STEP NINEwant to summon all our courage, head straight for the per-son concerned, and lay our cards on the table. We needn'twallow in excessive remorse before those we have harmed,but amends at this level should always be forthright andgenerous.There can only be one consideration which shouldqualify our desire for a complete disclosure of the damagewe have done. That will arise in the occasional situationwhere to make a full revelation would seriously harm theone to whom we are making amends. Orquite as impor-tantother people. We cannot, for example, unload adetailed account of extramarital adventuring upon theshoulders of our unsuspecting wife or husband. And evenin those cases where such a matter must be discussed, let'stry to avoid harming third parties, whoever they may be. Itdoes not lighten our burden when we recklessly make thecrosses of others heavier.Many a razor-edged question can arise in other depart-ments of life where this same principle is involved.Suppose, for instance, that we have drunk up a good chunkof our firm's money, whether by borrowing or on a h eavi-ly padded expense account. Suppose that this may continueto go undetected, if we say nothing. Do we instantly con-fess our irregularities to the firm, in the practical certaintythat we will be fired and become unemployable? Are wegoing to be so rigidly righteous about making amends thatwe don't care what happens to the family and home? Or dowe first consult those who are to be gravely affected? Dowe lay the matter before our sponsor or spiritual adviser,earnestly asking God's help and guidancemeanwhile re- STEP NINE87solving to do the right thing when it becomes clear, costwhat it may? Of course, there is no pat answer which can fitall such dilemmas. But all of them do require a completewillingness to make amends as fast and as far as may bepossible in a given set of conditions.Above all, we should try to be absolutely sure that weare not delaying because we are afraid. For the readiness totake the full consequences of our past acts, and to take re-sponsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, isthe very spirit of Step Nine. Step TenContinued to take personal inventory andwhen we were wrong promptly admitted it.AS we work the first nine Steps, we prepare ourselves forthe adventure of a new life. But when we approach StepTen we commence to put our A.A. way of living to practi-cal use, day by day, in fair weather or foul. Then comes theacid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, andlive to good purpose under all conditions?A continuous look at our assets and liabilities, and a realdesire to learn and grow by this means, are necessities forus. We alcoholics have learned this the hard way. More ex-perienced people, of course, in all times and places havepracticed unsparing self-survey and criticism. For the wisehave always known that no one can make much of his lifeuntil self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is ableto admit and accept what he finds, and until he patientlyand persistently tries to correct what is wrong.When a drunk has a terrific hangover because he drankheavily yesterday, he cannot live well today. But there isanother kind of hangover which we all experience whetherwe are drinking or not. That is the emotional hangover, thedirect result of yesterday's and sometimes today's excessesof negative emotionanger, fear, jealousy, and the like. Ifwe would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainlyneed to eliminate these hangovers. This doesn't mean we88 STEP TEN89need to wander morbidly around in the past. It requires anadmission and correction of errors now. Our inventory en-ables us to settle with the past. When this is done, we arereally able to leave it behind us. When our inventory iscarefully taken, and we have made peace with ourselves,the conviction follows that tomorrow's challenges can bemet as they come.Although all inventories are alike in principle, the timefactor does distinguish one from another. There's the spot-check inventory, taken at any time of the day, whenever wefind ourselves getting tangled up. There's the one we take atday's end, when we review the happenings of the hours justpast. Here we cast up a balance sheet, crediting ourselveswith things well done, and chalking up debits where due.Then there are those occasions when alone, or in the com-pany of our sponsor or spiritual adviser, we make a carefulreview of our progress since the last time. Many A.A.'s goin for annual or semiannual housecleanings. Many of usalso like the experience of an occasional retreat from theoutside world where we can quiet down for an undisturbedday or so of self-overhaul and meditation.Aren't these practices joy-killers as well as time-con-sumers? Must A.A.'s spend most of their waking hoursdrearily rehashing their sins of omission or commission?Well, hardly. The emphasis on inventory is heavy only be-cause a great many of us have never really acquired thehabit of accurate self-appraisal. Once this healthy practicehas become grooved, it will be so interesting and profitablethat the time it takes won't be missed. For these minutesand sometimes hours spent in self-examination are bound 90STEP TENto make all the other hours of our day better and happier.And at length our inventories become a regular part of ev-eryday living, rather than something unusual or set apart.Before we ask what a spot-check inventory is, let's lookat the kind of setting in which such an inventory can do itswork.It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed,no matter what the cause, there is something wrong withus. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in thewrong also. But are there no exceptions to this rule? Whatabout justifiable anger? If somebody cheats us, aren't weentitled to be mad? Can't we be properly angry with self-righteous folk? For us of A.A. these are dangerous excep-tions. We have found that justified anger ought to be left tothose better qualified to handle it.Few people have been more victimized by resentmentsthan have we alcoholics. It mattered little whether our re-sentments were justified or not. A burst of temper couldspoil a day, and a well-nursed grudge could make us miser-ably ineffective. Nor were we ever skillful in separatingjustified from unjustified anger. As we saw it, our wrathwas always justified. Anger, that occasional luxury of morebalanced people, could keep us on an emotional jag indefi-nitely. These emotional dry benders often led straight tothe bottle. Other kinds of disturbancesjealousy, envy,self-pity, or hurt pridedid the same thing.A spot-check inventory taken in the midst of such dis-turbances can be of very great help in quieting stormyemotions. Today's spot check finds its chief application tosituations which arise in each day's march. The considera- STEP TEN91tion of long-standing difficulties had better be postponed,when possible, to times deliberately set aside for that pur-pose. The quick inventory is aimed at our daily ups anddowns, especially those where people or new events throwus off balance and tempt us to make mistakes.In all these situations we need self-restraint, honestanalysis of what is involved, a willingness to admit whenthe fault is ours, and an equal willingness to forgive whenthe fault is elsewhere. We need not be discouraged whenwe fall into the error of our old ways, for these disciplinesare not easy. We shall look for progress, not for perfection.Our first objective will be the development of self-re-straint. This carries a top priority rating. When we speak oract hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and toler-ant evaporates on the spot. One unkind tirade or one willfulsnap judgment can ruin our relation with another person fora whole day, or maybe a whole year. Nothing pays off likerestraint of tongue and pen. We must avoid quick-temperedcriticism and furious, power-driven argument. The samegoes for sulking or silent scorn. These are emotional boobytraps baited with pride and vengefulness. Our first job is tosidestep the traps. When we are tempted by the bait, weshould train ourselves to step back and think. For we canneither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self-restraint has become automatic.Disagreeable or unexpected problems are not the onlyones that call for self-control. We must be quite as carefulwhen we begin to achieve some measure of importance andmaterial success. For no people have ever loved personaltriumphs more than we have loved them; we drank of suc- 92STEP TENcess as of a wine which could never fail to make us feelelated. When temporary good fortune came our way, we in-dulged ourselves in fantasies of still greater victories overpeople and circumstances. Thus blinded by prideful self-confidence, we were apt to play the big shot. Of course,people turned away from us, bored or hurt.Now that we're in A.A. and sober, and winning back theesteem of our friends and business associates, we find thatwe still need to exercise special vigilance. As an insuranceagainst big-shot-ism we can of ten ch eck ours el v es b y re-membering that we are today sober only by the grace ofGod and that any success we may be having is far more Hissuccess than ours.Finally, we begin to see that all people, including our-selves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well asfrequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance andsee what real love for our fellows actually means. It will be-come more and more evident as we go forward that it ispointless to become angry, or to get hurt by people who,like us, are suffering from the pains of growing up.Such a radical change in our outlook will take time,maybe a lot of time. Not many people can truthfully assertthat they love everybody. Most of us must admit that wehave loved but a few; that we have been quite indifferent tothe many so long as none of them gave us trouble; and asfor the remainderwell, we have really disliked or hatedthem. Although these attitudes are common enough, weA.A.'s find we need something much better in order to keepour balance. We can't stand it if we hate deeply. The ideathat we can be possessively loving of a few, can ignore the STEP TEN93many, and can continue to fear or hate anybody, has to beabandoned, if only a little at a time.We can try to stop making unreasonable demands uponthose we love. We can show kindness where we had shownnone. With those we dislike we can begin to practice justiceand courtesy, perhaps going out of our way to understandand help them.Whenever we fail any of these people, we can promptlyadmit itto ourselves always, and to them also, when theadmission would be helpful. Courtesy, kindness, justice,and love are the keynotes by which we may come into har-mony with practically anybody. When in doubt we canalways pause, saying, Not m y wi l l , b ut Th i n e, b e don e.And we can often ask ourselves, Am I doing to others as Iwould have them do to metoday?When evening comes, perhaps just before going tosleep, many of us draw up a balance sheet for the day. Thisis a good place to remember that inventory-taking is not al-ways done in red ink. It's a poor day indeed when wehaven't done something right. As a matter of fact, the wak-ing hours are usually well filled with things that areconstructive. Good intentions, good thoughts, and good actsare there for us to see. Even when we have tried hard andfailed, we may chalk that up as one of the greatest credits ofall. Under these conditions, the pains of failure are convert-ed into assets. Out of them we receive the stimulation weneed to go forward. Someone who knew what he was talk-ing about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of allspiritual progress. How heartily we A.A.'s can agree withhim, for we know that the pains of drinking had to come 94STEP TENbefore sobriety, and emotional turmoil before serenity.As we glance down the debit side of the day's ledger,we should carefully examine our motives in each thoughtor act that appears to be wrong. In most cases our motiveswon't be hard to see and understand. When prideful, angry,jealous, anxious, or fearful, we acted accordingly, and thatwas that. Here we need only recognize that we did act orthink badly, try to visualize how we might have done better,and resolve with God's help to carry these lessons over intotomorrow, making, of course, any amends still neglected.But in other instances only the closest scrutiny will re-veal what our true motives were. There are cases where ourancient enemy, rationalization, has stepped in and has justi-fied conduct which was really wrong. The temptation hereis to imagine that we had good motives and reasons whenwe really didn't.We constructively criticized someone who needed it,when our real motive was to win a useless argument. Or,the person concerned not being present, we thought wewere helping others to understand him, when in actualityour true motive was to feel superior by pulling him down.We sometimes hurt those we love because they need to betaught a lesson, wh en we real l y wan t to pun i s h . W e weredepressed and complained we felt bad, when in fact wewere mainly asking for sympathy and attention. This oddtrait of mind and emotion, this perverse wish to hide a badmotive underneath a good one, permeates human affairsfrom top to bottom. This subtle and elusive kind of self-righteousness can underlie the smallest act or thought.Learning daily to spot, admit, and correct these flaws is the STEP TEN95essence of character-building and good living. An honestregret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings re-ceived, and a willingness to try for better things tomorrowwill be the permanent assets we shall seek.Having so considered our day, not omitting to take duenote of things well done, and having searched our heartswith neither fear nor favor, we can truly thank God for theblessings we have received and sleep in good conscience. Step ElevenSought through prayer and meditation toimprove our conscious contact with God aswe understood Him, praying only for knowl-edge of His will for us and the power to car-ry that out.PRAYER and meditation are our principal means of con-scious contact with God.We A.A.'s are active folk, enjoying the satisfactions ofdealing with the realities of life, usually for the first time inour lives, and strenuously trying to help the next alcoholicwho comes along. So it isn't surprising that we often tend toslight serious meditation and prayer as something not reallynecessary. To be sure, we feel it is something that mighthelp us to meet an occasional emergency, but at first manyof us are apt to regard it as a somewhat mysterious skill ofclergymen, from which we may hope to get a secondhandbenefit. Or perhaps we don't believe in these things at all.To certain newcomers and to those one-time agnosticswho still cling to the A.A. group as their higher power,claims for the power of prayer may, despite all the logic andexperience in proof of it, still be unconvincing or quite ob-jectionable. Those of us who once felt this way cancertainly understand and sympathize. We well rememberhow something deep inside us kept rebelling against theidea of bowing before any God. Many of us had strong log-96 STEP ELEVEN97ic, too, which proved there was no God whatever. Whatabout all the accidents, sickness, cruelty, and injustice in theworld? What about all those unhappy lives which were thedirect result of unfortunate birth and uncontrollable circum-stances? Surely there could be no justice in this scheme ofthings, and therefore no God at all.Sometimes we took a slightly different tack. Sure, wesaid to ourselves, the hen probably did come before theegg. No doubt the universe had a first cause of some sort,the God of the Atom, maybe, hot and cold by turns. Butcertainly there wasn't any evidence of a God who knew orcared about human beings. We liked A.A. all right, andwere quick to say that it had done miracles. But we recoiledfrom meditation and prayer as obstinately as the scientistwho refused to perform a certain experiment lest it provehis pet theory wrong. Of course we finally did experiment,and when unexpected results followed, we felt different; infact we knew different; and so we were sold on meditationand prayer. And that, we have found, can happen to any-body who tries. It has been well said that almost the onlyscoffers at prayer are those who never tried it enough.Those of us who have come to make regular use ofprayer would no more do without it than we would refuseair, food, or sunshine. And for the same reason. When werefuse air, light, or food, the body suffers. And when weturn away from meditation and prayer, we likewise depriveour minds, our emotions, and our intuitions of vitally need-ed support. As the body can fail its purpose for lack ofnourishment, so can the soul. We all need the light of God'sreality, the nourishment of His strength, and the atmosphere 98STEP ELEVENof His grace. To an amazing extent the facts of A.A. Lifeconfirm this ageless truth.There is a direct linkage among self-examination, medi-tation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices canbring much relief and benefit. But when they are logicallyrelated and interwoven, the result is an unshakable founda-tion for life. Now and then we may be granted a glimpse ofthat ultimate reality which is God's kingdom. And we willbe comforted and assured that our own destiny in that realmwill be secure for so long as we try, however falteringly, tofind and do the will of our own Creator.As we have seen, self-searching is the means by whichwe bring new vision, action, and grace to bear upon thedark and negative side of our natures. It is a step in the de-velopment of that kind of humility that makes it possiblefor us to receive God's help. Yet it is only a step. We willwant to go further.We will want the good that is in us all, even in the worstof us, to flower and to grow. Most certainly we shall needbracing air and an abundance of food. But first of all weshall want sunlight; nothing much can grow in the dark.Meditation is our step out into the sun. How, then, shall wemeditate?The actual experience of meditation and prayer acrossthe centuries is, of course, immense. The world's librariesand places of worship are a treasure trove for all seekers. Itis to be hoped that every A.A. who has a religious connec-tion which emphasizes meditation will return to the practiceof that devotion as never before. But what about the rest ofus who, less fortunate, don't even know how to begin? STEP ELEVEN99Well, we might start like this. First let's look at a reallygood prayer. We won't have far to seek; the great men andwomen of all religions have left us a wonderful supply.Here let us consider one that is a classic.Its author was a man who for several hundred yearsnow has been rated as a saint. We won't be biased or scaredoff by that fact, because although he was not an alcoholiche did, like us, go through the emotional wringer. And as hecame out the other side of that painful experience, thisprayer was his expression of what he could then see, feel,and wish to become:Lord, make me a channel of thy peacethat wherethere is hatred, I may bring lovethat where there iswrong, I may bring the spirit of forgivenessthat wherethere is discord, I may bring harmonythat where there iserror, I may bring truththat where there is doubt, I maybring faiththat where there is despair, I may bring hopethat where there are shadows, I may bring lightthatwhere there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that Imay seek rather to comfort than to be comfortedto un-derstand, than to be understoodto love, than to be loved.For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgivingthat one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eter-nal Life. Amen.As beginners in meditation, we might now reread thisprayer several times very slowly, savoring every word andtrying to take in the deep meaning of each phrase and idea.It will help if we can drop all resistance to what our friendsays. For in meditation, debate has no place. We rest quietlywith the thoughts of someone who knows, so that we may 100STEP ELEVENexperience and learn.As though lying upon a sunlit beach, let us relax andbreathe deeply of the spiritual atmosphere with which thegrace of this prayer surrounds us. Let us become willing topartake and be strengthened and lifted up by the sheer spiri-tual power, beauty, and love of which these magnificentwords are the carriers. Let us look now upon the sea andponder what its mystery is; and let us lift our eyes to the farhorizon, beyond which we shall seek all those wonders stillunseen.Shucks! says somebody. Th i s i s n on s en s e. It i s n ' tpractical.When such thoughts break in, we might recall, a littleruefully, how much store we used to set by imagination asit tried to create reality out of bottles. Yes, we reveled in thatsort of thinking, didn't we? And though sober nowadays,don't we often try to do much the same thing? Perhaps ourtrouble was not that we used our imagination. Perhaps thereal trouble was our almost total inability to point imagina-tion toward the right objectives. There's nothing the matterwith constructive imagination; all sound achievement restsupon it. After all, no man can build a house until he first en-visions a plan for it. Well, meditation is like that, too; ithelps to envision our spiritual objective before we try tomove toward it. So let's get back to that sunlit beachor tothe plains or to the mountains, if you prefer.When, by such simple devices, we have placed our-selves in a mood in which we can focus undisturbed onconstructive imagination, we might proceed like this:Once more we read our prayer, and again try to see STEP ELEVEN101what its inner essence is. We'll think now about the manwho first uttered the prayer. First of all, he wanted to be-come a channel. Then he asked for the grace to bringlove, forgiveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joyto every human being he could.Next came the expression of an aspiration and a hopefor himself. He hoped, God willing, that he might be able tofind some of these treasures, too. This he would try to do bywhat he called self-forgetting. What did he mean by self-forgetting, and how did he propose to accomplish that?He thought it better to give comfort than to receive it;better to understand than to be understood; better to forgivethan to be forgiven.This much could be a fragment of what is called medi-tation, perhaps our very first attempt at a mood, a flier intothe realm of spirit, if you like. It ought to be followed by agood look at where we stand now, and a further look atwhat might happen in our lives were we able to move clos-er to the ideal we have been trying to glimpse. Meditation issomething which can always be further developed. It hasno boundaries, either of width or height. Aided by such in-struction and example as we can find, it is essentially anindividual adventure, something which each one of usworks out in his own way. But its object is always thesame: to improve our conscious contact with God, with Hisgrace, wisdom, and love. And let's always remember thatmeditation is in reality intensely practical. One of its firstfruits is emotional balance. With it we can broaden anddeepen the channel between ourselves and God as we un-derstand Him. 102STEP ELEVENNow, what of prayer? Prayer is the raising of the heartand mind to Godand in this sense it includes meditation.How may we go about it? And how does it fit in with medi-tation? Prayer, as commonly understood, is a petition toGod. Having opened our channel as best we can, we try toask for those right things of which we and others are in thegreatest need. And we think that the whole range of ourneeds is well defined by that part of Step Eleven whichsays: . . . knowledge of His will for us and the power tocarry that out. A request for this fits in any part of our day.In the morning we think of the hours to come. Perhapswe think of our day's work and the chances it may afford usto be useful and helpful, or of some special problem that itmay bring. Possibly today will see a continuation of a seri-ous and as yet unresolved problem left over from yesterday.Our immediate temptation will be to ask for specific solu-tions to specific problems, and for the ability to help otherpeople as we have already thought they should be helped.In that case, we are asking God to do it our way. Therefore,we ought to consider each request carefully to see what itsreal merit is. Even so, when making specific requests, itwill be well to add to each one of them this qualification: .. . if it be Thy will. We ask simply that throughout the dayGod place in us the best understanding of His will that wecan have for that day, and that we be given the grace bywhich we may carry it out.As the day goes on, we can pause where situations mustbe met and decisions made, and renew the simple request:Thy will, not mine, be done. If at these points our emo-tional disturbance happens to be great, we will more surely STEP ELEVEN103keep our balance, provided we remember, and repeat toourselves, a particular prayer or phrase that has appealed tous in our reading or meditation. Just saying it over and overwill often enable us to clear a channel choked up withanger, fear, frustration, or misunderstanding, and permit usto return to the surest help of allour search for God's will,not our own, in the moment of stress. At these critical mo-ments, if we remind ourselves that it is better to comfortthan to be comforted, to understand than to be understood,to love than to be loved, we wi l l b e f ol l owi n g th e i n ten t ofStep Eleven.Of course, it is reasonable and understandable that thequestion is often asked: Why can't we take a specific andtroubling dilemma straight to God, and in prayer securefrom Him sure and definite answers to our requests?This can be done, but it has hazards. We have seenA.A.'s ask with much earnestness and faith for God's ex-plicit guidance on matters ranging all the way from ashattering domestic or financial crisis to correcting a minorpersonal fault, like tardiness. Quite often, however, thethoughts that seem to come from God are not answers atall. They prove to be well-intentioned unconscious rational-izations. The A.A., or indeed any man, who tries to run hislife rigidly by this kind of prayer, by this self-serving de-mand of God for replies, is a particularly disconcertingindividual. To any questioning or criticism of his actions heinstantly proffers his reliance upon prayer for guidance inall matters great or small. He may have forgotten the possi-bility that his own wishful thinking and the humantendency to rationalize have distorted his so-called guid- 104STEP ELEVENance. With the best of intentions, he tends to force his ownwill into all sorts of situations and problems with the com-fortable assurance that he is acting under God's specificdirection. Under such an illusion, he can of course creategreat havoc without in the least intending it.We also fall into another similar temptation. We formideas as to what we think God's will is for other people. Wesay to ourselves, Th i s on e ough t to b e cured of h i s f atalmalady, or Th at on e ough t to b e rel i ev ed of h i s em oti on alpain, an d we pray for these specific things. Such prayers,of course, are fundamentally good acts, but often they arebased upon a supposition that we know God's will for theperson for whom we pray. This means that side by sidewith an earnest prayer there can be a certain amount of pre-sumption and conceit in us. It is A.A.'s experience thatparticularly in these cases we ought to pray that God's will,whatever it is, be done for others as well as for ourselves.In A.A. we have found that the actual good results ofprayer are beyond question. They are matters of knowledgeand experience. All those who have persisted have foundstrength not ordinarily their own. They have found wisdombeyond their usual capability. And they have increasinglyfound a peace of mind which can stand firm in the face ofdifficult circumstances.We discover that we do receive guidance for our livesto just about the extent that we stop making demands uponGod to give it to us on order and on our terms. Almost anyexperienced A.A. will tell how his affairs have taken re-markable and unexpected turns for the better as he tried toimprove his conscious contact with God. He will also re- STEP ELEVEN105port that out of every season of grief or suffering, when thehand of God seemed heavy or even unjust, new lessons forliving were learned, new resources of courage were uncov-ered, and that finally, inescapably, the conviction came thatGod does move in a mysterious way His wonders to per-form.All this should be very encouraging news for those whorecoil from prayer because they don't believe in it, or be-cause they feel themselves cut off from God's help anddirection. All of us, without exception, pass through timeswhen we can pray only with the greatest exertion of will.Occasionally we go even further than this. We are seizedwith a rebellion so sickening that we simply won't pray.When these things happen we should not think too ill ofourselves. We should simply resume prayer as soon as wecan, doing what we know to be good for us.Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation andprayer is the sense of belonging that comes to us. We nolonger live in a completely hostile world. We are no longerlost and frightened and purposeless. The moment we catcheven a glimpse of God's will, the moment we begin to seetruth, justice, and love as the real and eternal things in life,we are no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evi-dence to the contrary that surrounds us in purely humanaffairs. We know that God lovingly watches over us. Weknow that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us,here and hereafter. Step TwelveHaving had a spiritual awakening as theresult of these steps, we tried to carry thismessage to alcoholics, and to practice theseprinciples in all our affairs.THE joy of living is the theme of A.A.'s Twelfth Step, andaction is its key word. Here we turn outward toward ourfellow alcoholics who are still in distress. Here we experi-ence the kind of giving that asks no rewards. Here we beginto practice all Twelve Steps of the program in our dailylives so that we and those about us may find emotional so-briety. When the Twelfth Step is seen in its full implication,it is really talking about the kind of love that has no pricetag on it.Our Twelfth Step also says that as a result of practicingall the Steps, we have each found something called a spiri-tual awakening. To new A.A.'s, this often seems like a verydubious and improbable state of affairs. What do youmean when you talk about a 'spiritual awakening'? theyask.Maybe there are as many definitions of spiritual awak-ening as there are people who have had them. But certainlyeach genuine one has something in common with all theothers. And these things which they have in common arenot too hard to understand. When a man or a woman has aspiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it isthat he has now become able to do, feel, and believe that106 STEP TWELVE107which he could not do before on his unaided strength andresources alone. He has been granted a gift which amountsto a new state of consciousness and being. He has been seton a path which tells him he is really going somewhere,that life is not a dead end, not something to be endured ormastered. In a very real sense he has been transformed, be-cause he has laid hold of a source of strength which, in oneway or another, he had hitherto denied himself. He findshimself in possession of a degree of honesty, tolerance, un-selfishness, peace of mind, and love of which he hadthought himself quite incapable. What he has received is afree gift, and yet usually, at least in some small part, he hasmade himself ready to receive it.A.A.'s manner of making ready to receive this gift liesin the practice of the Twelve Steps in our program. So let'sconsider briefly what we have been trying to do up to thispoint:Step One showed us an amazing paradox: We foundthat we were totally unable to be rid of the alcohol obses-sion until we first admitted that we were powerless over it.In Step Two we saw that since we could not restore our-selves to sanity, some Higher Power must necessarily do soif we were to survive. Consequently, in Step Three weturned our will and our lives over to the care of God as weunderstood Him. For the time being, we who were atheistor agnostic discovered that our own group, or A.A. as awhole, would suffice as a higher power. Beginning withStep Four, we commenced to search out the things in our-selves which had brought us to physical, moral, andspiritual bankruptcy. We made a searching and fearless 108STEP TWELVEmoral inventory. Looking at Step Five, we decided that aninventory, taken alone, wouldn't be enough. We knew wewould have to quit the deadly business of living alone withour conflicts, and in honesty confide these to God and an-other human being. At Step Six, many of us balkedforthe practical reason that we did not wish to have all our de-fects of character removed, because we still loved some ofthem too much. Yet we knew we had to make a settlementwith the fundamental principle of Step Six. So we decidedthat while we still had some flaws of character that wecould not yet relinquish, we ought nevertheless to quit ourstubborn, rebellious hanging on to them. We said to our-selves, Th i s I can n ot do today , perh aps , b ut I can stopcrying out 'No, never!' Then, in Step Seven, we humblyasked God to remove our short comings such as He couldor would under the conditions of the day we asked. In StepEight, we continued our housecleaning, for we saw that wewere not only in conflict with ourselves, but also with peo-ple and situations in the world in which we lived. We had tobegin to make our peace, and so we listed the people wehad harmed and became willing to set things right. We fol-lowed this up in Step Nine by making direct amends tothose concerned, except when it would injure them or otherpeople. By this time, at Step Ten, we had begun to get a ba-sis for daily living, and we keenly realized that we wouldneed to continue taking personal inventory, and that whenwe were in the wrong we ought to admit it promptly. InStep Eleven we saw that if a Higher Power had restored usto sanity and had enabled us to live with some peace ofmind in a sorely troubled world, then such a Higher Power STEP TWELVE109was worth knowing better, by as direct contact as possible.The persistent use of meditation and prayer, we found, didopen the channel so that where there had been a trickle,there now was a river which led to sure power and safeguidance from God as we were increasingly better able tounderstand Him.So, practicing these Steps, we had a spiritual awakeningabout which finally there was no question. Looking at thosewho were only beginning and still doubted themselves, therest of us were able to see the change setting in. From greatnumbers of such experiences, we could predict that thedoubter who still claimed that he hadn't got the spiritualangle, an d wh o s ti l l con s i dered h i s wel l -l ov ed A .A . groupthe higher power, would presently love God and call Himby name.Now, what about the rest of the Twelfth Step? The won-derful energy it releases and the eager action by which itcarries our message to the next suffering alcoholic andwhich finally translates the Twelve Steps into action uponall our affairs is the payoff, the magnificent reality, of Alco-holics Anonymous.Even the newest of newcomers finds undreamed re-wards as he tries to help his brother alcoholic, the one whois even blinder than he. This is indeed the kind of givingthat actually demands nothing. He does not expect hisbrother sufferer to pay him, or even to love him. And thenhe discovers that by the divine paradox of this kind of giv-ing he has found his own reward, whether his brother hasyet received anything or not. His own character may still begravely defective, but he somehow knows that God has en- 110STEP TWELVEabled him to make a mighty beginning, and he senses thathe stands at the edge of new mysteries, joys, and experi-ences of which he had never even dreamed.Practically every A.A. member declares that no satis-faction has been deeper and no joy greater than in a TwelfthStep job well done. To watch the eyes of men and womenopen with wonder as they move from darkness into light, tosee their lives quickly fill with new purpose and meaning,to see whole families reassembled, to see the alcoholic out-cast received back into his community in full citizenship,and above all to watch these people awaken to the presenceof a loving God in their livesthese things are the sub-stance of what we receive as we carry A.A.'s message to thenext alcoholic.Nor is this the only kind of Twelfth Step work. We sit inA.A. meetings and listen, not only to receive somethingourselves, but to give the reassurance and support whichour presence can bring. If our turn comes to speak at ameeting, we again try to carry A.A.'s message. Whether ouraudience is one or many, it is still Twelfth Step work. Thereare many opportunities even for those of us who feel unableto speak at meetings or who are so situated that we cannotdo much face-to-face Twelfth Step work. We can be theones who take on the unspectacular but important tasks thatmake good Twelfth Step work possible, perhaps arrangingfor the coffee and cake after the meetings, where so manyskeptical, suspicious newcomers have found confidenceand comfort in the laughter and talk. This is Twelfth Stepwork in the very best sense of the word. Freely ye have re-ceived; freely give . . . is the core of this part of Step STEP TWELVE111Twelve.We may often pass through Twelfth Step experienceswhere we will seem to be temporarily off the beam. Thesewill appear as big setbacks at the time, but will be seen lateras stepping-stones to better things. For example, we mayset our hearts on getting a particular person sobered up, andafter doing all we can for months, we see him relapse. Per-haps this will happen in a succession of cases, and we maybe deeply discouraged as to our ability to carry A.A.'s mes-sage. Or we may encounter the reverse situation, in whichwe are highly elated because we seem to have been suc-cessful. Here the temptation is to become rather possessiveof these newcomers. Perhaps we try to give them adviceabout their affairs which we aren't really competent to giveor ought not give at all. Then we are hurt and confusedwhen the advice is rejected, or when it is accepted andbrings still greater confusion. By a great deal of ardentTwelfth Step work we sometimes carry the message to somany alcoholics that they place us in a position of trust.They make us, let us say, the group's chairman. Here againwe are presented with the temptation to overmanage things,and sometimes this results in rebuffs and other conse-quences which are hard to take.But in the longer run we clearly realize that these areonly the pains of growing up, and nothing but good cancome from them if we turn more and more to the entireTwelve Steps for the answers.Now comes the biggest question yet. What about thepractice of these principles in all our affairs? Can we lovethe whole pattern of living as eagerly as we do the small 112STEP TWELVEsegment of it we discover when we try to help other alco-holics achieve sobriety? Can we bring the same spirit oflove and tolerance into our sometimes deranged familylives that we bring to our A.A. group? Can we have thesame kind of confidence and faith in these people who havebeen infected and sometimes crippled by our own illnessthat we have in our sponsors? Can we actually carry theA.A. spirit into our daily work? Can we meet our newlyrecognized responsibilities to the world at large? And canwe bring new purpose and devotion to the religion of ourchoice? Can we find a new joy of living in trying to dosomething about all these things?Furthermore, how shall we come to terms with seemingfailure or success? Can we now accept and adjust to eitherwithout despair or pride? Can we accept poverty, sickness,loneliness, and bereavement with courage and serenity?Can we steadfastly content ourselves with the humbler, yetsometimes more durable, satisfactions when the brighter,more glittering achievements are denied us?The A.A. answer to these questions about living is Yes,all of these things are possible. We know this because wesee monotony, pain, and even calamity turned to good useby those who keep on trying to practice A.A.'s TwelveSteps. And if these are facts of life for the many alcoholicswho have recovered in A.A., they can become the facts oflife for many more.Of course all A.A.'s, even the best, fall far short of suchachievements as a consistent thing. Without necessarily tak-ing that first drink, we often get quite far off the beam. Ourtroubles sometimes begin with indifference. We are sober STEP TWELVE113and happy in our A.A. work. Things go well at home andoffice. We naturally congratulate ourselves on what laterproves to be a far too easy and superficial point of view. Wetemporarily cease to grow because we feel satisfied thatthere is no need for all of A.A.'s Twelve Steps for us. Weare doing fine on a few of them. Maybe we are doing fineon only two of them, the First Step and that part of theTwelfth where we carry the message. In A.A. slang, thatblissful state is known as two-stepping. A n d i t can go onfor years.The best-intentioned of us can fall for the two-step il-lusion. Sooner or later the pink cloud stage wears off andthings go disappointingly dull. We begin to think that A.A.doesn't pay off after all. We become puzzled and discour-aged. Then perhaps life, as it has a way of doing, suddenlyhands us a great big lump that we can't begin to swallow, letalone digest. We fail to get a worked-for promotion. Welose that good job. Maybe there are serious domestic or ro-mantic difficulties, or perhaps that boy we thought God waslooking after becomes a military casualty.What then? Have we alcoholics in A.A. got, or can weget, the resources to meet these calamities which come toso many? These were problems of life which we could nev-er face up to. Can we now, with the help of God as weunderstand Him, handle them as well and as bravely as ournonalcoholic friends often do? Can we transform thesecalamities into assets, sources of growth and comfort toourselves and those about us? Well, we surely have achance if we switch from two-stepping to twelve-step- 114STEP TWELVEping, if we are willing to receive that grace of God whichcan sustain and strengthen us in any catastrophe.Our basic troubles are the same as everyone else's, butwhen an honest effort is made to practice these principlesin all our affairs, wel l -groun ded A .A .' s s eem to have theability, by God's grace, to take these troubles in stride andturn them into demonstrations of faith. We have seen A.A.'ssuffer lingering and fatal illness with little complaint, andoften in good cheer. We have sometimes seen families bro-ken apart by misunderstanding, tensions, or actualinfidelity, who are reunited by the A.A. way of life.Though the earning power of most A.A.'s is relativelyhigh, we have some members who never seem to get ontheir feet moneywise, and still others who encounter heavyfinancial reverses. Ordinarily we see these situations metwith fortitude and faith.Like most people, we have found that we can take ourbig lumps as they come. But also like others, we often dis-cover a greater challenge in the lesser and more continuousproblems of life. Our answer is in still more spiritual devel-opment. Only by this means can we improve our chancesfor really happy and useful living. And as we grow spiritu-ally, we find that our old attitudes toward our instincts needto undergo drastic revisions. Our desires for emotional se-curity and wealth, for personal prestige and power, forromance, and for family satisfactionsall these have to betempered and redirected. We have learned that the satisfac-tion of instincts cannot be the sole end and aim of our lives.If we place instincts first, we have got the cart before thehorse; we shall be pulled backward into disillusionment. STEP TWELVE115But when we are willing to place spiritual growth firstthen and only then do we have a real chance.After we come into A.A., if we go on growing, our atti-tudes and actions toward securityemotional security andfinancial securitycommence to change profoundly. Ourdemand for emotional security, for our own way, had con-stantly thrown us into unworkable relations with otherpeople. Though we were sometimes quite unconscious ofthis, the result always had been the same. Either we hadtried to play God and dominate those about us, or we hadinsisted on being overdependent upon them. Where peoplehad temporarily let us run their lives as though they werestill children, we had felt very happy and secure ourselves.But when they finally resisted or ran away, we were bitterlyhurt and disappointed. We blamed them, being quite unableto see that our unreasonable demands had been the cause. When we had taken the opposite tack and had insisted,like infants ourselves, that people protect and take care ofus or that the world owed us a living, then the result hadbeen equally unfortunate. This often caused the people wehad loved most to push us aside or perhaps desert us entire-ly. Our disillusionment had been hard to bear. We couldn'timagine people acting that way toward us. We had failed tosee that though adult in years we were still behaving child-ishly, trying to turn everybodyfriends, wives, husbands,even the world itselfinto protective parents. We had re-fused to learn the very hard lesson that overdependenceupon people is unsuccessful because all people are fallible,and even the best of them will sometimes let us down, es-pecially when our demands for attention become 116STEP TWELVEunreasonable.As we made spiritual progress, we saw through thesefallacies. It became clear that if we ever were to feel emo-tionally secure among grown-up people, we would have toput our lives on a give-and-take basis; we would have todevelop the sense of being in partnership or brotherhoodwith all those around us. We saw that we would need togive constantly of ourselves without demands for repay-ment. When we persistently did this we gradually foundthat people were attracted to us as never before. And even ifthey failed us, we could be understanding and not too seri-ously affected.When we developed still more, we discovered the bestpossible source of emotional stability to be God Himself.We found that dependence upon His perfect justice, for-giveness, and love was healthy, and that it would workwhere nothing else would. If we really depended uponGod, we couldn't very well play God to our fellows norwould we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protectionand care. These were the new attitudes that finally broughtmany of us an inner strength and peace that could not bedeeply shaken by the shortcomings of others or by anycalamity not of our own making.This new outlook was, we learned, something especial-ly necessary to us alcoholics. For alcoholism had been alonely business, even though we had been surrounded bypeople who loved us. But when self-will had driven every-body away and our isolation had become complete, itcaused us to play the big shot in cheap barrooms and thenfare forth alone on the street to depend upon the charity of STEP TWELVE117passersby. We were still trying to find emotional security bybeing dominating or dependent upon others. Even whenour fortunes had not ebbed that much and we neverthelessfound ourselves alone in the world, we still vainly tried tobe secure by some unhealthy kind of domination or depen-dence. For those of us who were like that, A.A. had a veryspecial meaning. Through it we begin to learn right rela-tions with people who understand us; we don't have to bealone any more.Most married folks in A.A. have very happy homes. Toa surprising extent, A.A. has offset the damage to familylife brought about by years of alcoholism. But just like allother societies, we do have sex and marital problems, andsometimes they are distressingly acute. Permanent mar-riage breakups and separations, however, are unusual inA.A. Our main problem is not how we are to stay married;it is how to be more happily married by eliminating the se-vere emotional twists that have so often stemmed fromalcoholism.Nearly every sound human being experiences, at sometime in life, a compelling desire to find a mate of the oppo-site sex with whom the fullest possible union can be madespiritual, mental, emotional, and physical. This mightyurge is the root of great human accomplishments, a creativeenergy that deeply influences our lives. God fashioned usthat way. So our question will be this: How, by ignorance,compulsion, and self-will, do we misuse this gift for ourown destruction? We A.A. cannot pretend to offer full an-swers to age-old perplexities, but our own experience doesprovide certain answers that work for us. 118STEP TWELVEWhen alcoholism strikes, very unnatural situations maydevelop which work against marriage partnership and com-patible union. If the man is affected, the wife must becomethe head of the house, often the breadwinner. As matters getworse, the husband becomes a sick and irresponsible childwho needs to be looked after and extricated from endlessscrapes and impasses. Very gradually, and usually withoutany realization of the fact, the wife is forced to become themother of an erring boy. And if she had a strong maternalinstinct to begin with, the situation is aggravated. Obvious-ly not much partnership can exist under these conditions.The wife usually goes on doing the best she knows how,but meanwhile the alcoholic alternately loves and hates hermaternal care. A pattern is thereby established that may takea lot of undoing later on. Nevertheless, under the influenceof A.A.'s Twelve Steps, these situations are often set right.*When the distortion has been great, however, a long pe-riod of patient striving may be necessary. After the husbandjoins A.A., the wife may become discontented, even highlyresentful that Alcoholics Anonymous has done the verything that all her years of devotion had failed to do. Herhusband may become so wrapped up in A.A. and his newfriends that he is inconsiderately away from home morethan when he drank. Seeing her unhappiness, he recom-mends A.A.'s Twelve Steps and tries to teach her how tolive. She naturally feels that for years she has made a far*In adapted form, the Steps are also used by Al-Anon FamilyGroups. Not a part of A.A., this worldwide fellowship consists ofspouses and other relatives or friends of alcoholics (in A.A. or stilldrinking). Its headquarters address is 1600 Corporate LandingParkway, Virgina Beach, VA 23456. STEP TWELVE119better job of living than he has. Both of them blame eachother and ask when their marriage is ever going to be happyagain. They may even begin to suspect it had never beenany good in the first place.Compatibility, of course, can be so impossibly damagedthat a separation may be necessary. But those cases are theunusual ones. The alcoholic, realizing what his wife has en-dured, and now fully understanding how much he himselfdid to damage her and his children, nearly always takes uphis marriage responsibilities with a willingness to repairwhat he can and to accept what he can't. He persistentlytries all of A.A.'s Twelve Steps in his home, often with fineresults. At this point he firmly but lovingly commences tobehave like a partner instead of like a bad boy. And aboveall he is finally convinced that reckless romancing is not away of life for him.A.A. has many single alcoholics who wish to marry andare in a position to do so. Some marry fellow A.A.'s. Howdo they come out? On the whole these marriages are verygood ones. Their common suffering as drinkers, their com-mon interest in A.A. and spiritual things, often enhancesuch unions. It is only where boy meets girl on A.A. cam-pus, and love follows at first sight, that difficulties maydevelop. The prospective partners need to be solid A.A.'sand long enough acquainted to know that their compatibili-ty at spiritual, mental, and emotional levels is a fact and notwishful thinking. They need to be as sure as possible thatno deep-lying emotional handicap in either will be likely torise up under later pressures to cripple them. The considera-tions are equally true and important for the A.A.'s who 120STEP TWELVEmarry outside A.A. With clear understanding and right,grown-up attitudes, very happy results do follow. And what can be said of many A.A. members who, fora variety of reasons, cannot have a family life? At firstmany of these feel lonely, hurt, and left out as they witnessso much domestic happiness about them. If they cannothave this kind of happiness, can A.A. offer them satisfac-tions of similar worth and durability? Yeswhenever theytry hard to seek them out. Surrounded by so many A.A.friends, these so-called loners tell us they no longer feelalone. In partnership with otherswomen and mentheycan devote themselves to any number of ideas, people, andconstructive projects. Free of marital responsibilities, theycan participate in enterprises which would be denied tofamily men and women. We daily see such members renderprodigies of service, and receive great joys in return.Where the possession of money and material thingswas concerned, our outlook underwent the same revolu-tionary change. With a few exceptions, all of us had beenspendthrifts. We threw money about in every direction withthe purpose of pleasing ourselves and impressing otherpeople. In our drinking time, we acted as if the money sup-ply was inexhaustible, though between binges we'dsometimes go to the other extreme and become almostmiserly. Without realizing it we were just accumulatingfunds for the next spree. Money was the symbol of pleasureand self-importance. When our drinking had become muchworse, money was only an urgent requirement which couldsupply us with the next drink and the temporary comfort ofoblivion it brought. STEP TWELVE121Upon entering A.A., these attitudes were sharply re-versed, often going much too far in the opposite direction.The spectacle of years of waste threw us into panic. Theresimply wouldn't be time, we thought, to rebuild our shat-tered fortunes. How could we ever take care of those awfuldebts, possess a decent home, educate the kids, and setsomething by for old age? Financial importance was nolonger our principal aim; we now clamored for material se-curity. Even when we were well reestablished in ourbusiness, these terrible fears often continued to haunt us.This made us misers and penny pinchers all over again.Complete financial security we must haveor else. Weforgot that most alcoholics in A.A. have an earning powerconsiderably above average; we forgot the immense good-will of our brother A.A.'s who were only too eager to helpus to better jobs when we deserved them; we forgot the ac-tual or potential financial insecurity of every human beingin the world. And, worst of all, we forgot God. In moneymatters we had faith only in ourselves, and not too much ofthat.This all meant, of course, that we were still far off bal-ance. When a job still looked like a mere means of gettingmoney rather than an opportunity for service, when the ac-quisition of money for financial independence looked moreimportant than a right dependence upon God, we were stillthe victims of unreasonable fears. And these were fearswhich would make a serene and useful existence, at any fi-nancial level, quite impossible.But as time passed we found that with the help of A.A.'sTwelve Steps we could lose those fears, no matter what our 122STEP TWELVEmaterial prospects were. We could cheerfully perform hum-ble labor without worrying about tomorrow. If ourcircumstances happened to be good, we no longer dreadeda change for the worse, for we had learned that these trou-bles could be turned into great values. It did not matter toomuch what our material condition was, but it did matterwhat our spiritual condition was. Money gradually becameour servant and not our master. It became a means of ex-changing love and service with those about us. When, withGod's help, we calmly accepted our lot, then we found wecould live at peace with ourselves and show others who stillsuffered the same fears that they could get over them, too.We found that freedom from fear was more important thanfreedom from want.Let's here take note of our improved outlook upon theproblems of personal importance, power, ambition, andleadership. These were reefs upon which many of us cameto shipwreck during our drinking careers.Practically every boy in the United States dreams of be-coming our President. He wants to be his country's numberone man. As he gets older and sees the impossibility of this,he can smile good-naturedly at his childhood dream. In lat-er life he finds that real happiness is not to be found in justtrying to be a number one man, or even a first-rater in theheartbreaking struggle for money, romance, or self-impor-tance. He learns that he can be content as long as he playswell whatever cards life deals him. He's still ambitious, butnot absurdly so, because he can now see and accept actualreality. He's willing to stay right size.But not so with alcoholics. When A.A. was quite STEP TWELVE123young, a number of eminent psychologists and doctorsmade an exhaustive study of a good-sized group of so-called problem drinkers. The doctors weren't trying to findhow different we were from one another; they sought tofind whatever personality traits, if any, this group of alco-holics had in common. They finally came up with aconclusion that shocked the A.A. members of that time.These distinguished men had the nerve to say that most ofthe alcoholics under investigation were still childish, emo-tionally sensitive, and grandiose.How we alcoholics did resent that verdict! We wouldnot believe that our adult dreams were often truly childish.And considering the rough deal life had given us, we felt itperfectly natural that we were sensitive. As to our grandiosebehavior, we insisted that we had been possessed of noth-ing but a high and legitimate ambition to win the battle oflife.In the years since, however, most of us have come toagree with those doctors. We have had a much keener lookat ourselves and those about us. We have seen that we wereprodded by unreasonable fears or anxieties into making alife business of winning fame, money, and what we thoughtwas leadership. So false pride became the reverse side ofthat ruinous coin marked Fear. We simply had to be num-ber one people to cover up our deep-lying inferiorities. Infitful successes we boasted of greater feats to be done; indefeat we were bitter. If we didn't have much of any world-ly success we became depressed and cowed. Then peoplesaid we were of the inferior type. But now we see our-selves as chips off the same old block. At heart we had all 124STEP TWELVEbeen abnormally fearful. It mattered little whether we hadsat on the shore of life drinking ourselves into forgetfulnessor had plunged in recklessly and willfully beyond our depthand ability. The result was the sameall of us had nearlyperished in a sea of alcohol.But today, in well-matured A.A.'s, these distorted driveshave been restored to something like their true purpose anddirection. We no longer strive to dominate or rule thoseabout us in order to gain self-importance. We no longerseek fame and honor in order to be praised. When by de-voted service to family, friends, business, or community weattract widespread affection and are sometimes singled outfor posts of greater responsibility and trust, we try to behumbly grateful and exert ourselves the more in a spirit oflove and service. True leadership, we find, depends uponable example and not upon vain displays of power or glory.Still more wonderful is the feeling that we do not haveto be specially distinguished among our fellows in order tobe useful and profoundly happy. Not many of us can beleaders of prominence, nor do we wish to be. Service, glad-ly rendered, obligations squarely met, troubles wellaccepted or solved with God's help, the knowledge that athome or in the world outside we are partners in a commoneffort, the well-understood fact that in God's sight all hu-man beings are important, the proof that love freely givensurely brings a full return, the certainty that we are nolonger isolated and alone in self-constructed prisons, thesurety that we need no longer be square pegs in round holesbut can fit and belong in God's scheme of thingsthese arethe permanent and legitimate satisfactions of right living for STEP TWELVE125which no amount of pomp and circumstance, no heap ofmaterial possessions, could possibly be substitutes. Trueambition is not what we thought it was. True ambition isthe deep desire to live usefully and walk humbly under thegrace of God. These little studies of A.A. Twelve Steps now come to aclose. We have been considering so many problems that itmay appear that A.A. consists mainly of racking dilemmasand troubleshooting. To a certain extent, that is true. Wehave been talking about problems because we are problempeople who have found a way up and out, and who wish toshare our knowledge of that way with all who can use it.For it is only by accepting and solving our problems thatwe can begin to get right with ourselves and with the worldabout us, and with Him who presides over us all. Under-standing is the key to right principles and attitudes, andright action is the key to good living; therefore the joy ofgood living is the theme of A.A. Twelfth Step.With each passing day of our lives, may every one of ussense more deeply the inner meaning of A.A.'s simpleprayer:God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,Courage to change the things we can,And wisdom to know the difference.  THE TWELVE TRADITIONS  Tradition OneOur common welfare should come first;personal recovery depends upon A.A. uni-ty.THE u n i ty of Alcoholics Anonymous is the most cher-ished quality our Society has. Our lives, the lives of all tocome, depend squarely upon it. We stay whole, or A.A.dies. Without unity, the heart of A.A. would cease to beat;our world arteries would no longer carry the life-givinggrace of God; His gift to us would be spent aimlessly. Backagain in their caves, alcoholics would reproach us and say,W h at a great th i n g A .A . m i gh t h av e b een !Does this mean, some will anxiously ask, that inA.A. the individual doesn't count for much? Is he to bedominated by his group and swallowed up in it?We may certainly answer this question with a loudNo! We believe there isn't a fellowship on earth whichlavishes more devoted care upon its individual members;surely there is none which more jealously guards the indi-vidual's right to think, talk, and act as he wishes. No A.A.can compel another to do anything; nobody can be pun-ished or expelled. Our Twelve Steps to recovery aresuggestions; the Twelve Traditions which guarantee A.A.'sunity contain not a single Don ' t. Th ey repeatedl y s ay Weought . . . but never You must!To many minds all this liberty for the individual spellssheer anarchy. Every newcomer, every friend who looks at129 130TRADITION ONEA.A. for the first time is greatly puzzled. They see libertyverging on license, yet they recognize at once that A.A. hasan irresistible strength of purpose and action. How, th eyask, can such a crowd of anarchists function at all? Howcan they possibly place their common welfare first? Whatin Heaven's name holds them together?Those who look closely soon have the key to thisstrange paradox. The A.A. member has to conform to theprinciples of recovery. His life actually depends upon obe-dience to spiritual principles. If he deviates too far, thepenalty is sure and swift; he sickens and dies. At first hegoes along because he must, but later he discovers a way oflife he really wants to live. Moreover, he finds he cannotkeep this priceless gift unless he gives it away. Neither henor anybody else can survive unless he carries the A.A.message. The moment this Twelfth Step work forms agroup, another discovery is madethat most individualscannot recover unless there is a group. Realization dawnsthat he is but a small part of a great whole; that no personalsacrifice is too great for preservation of the Fellowship. Helearns that the clamor of desires and ambitions within himmust be silenced whenever these could damage the group.It becomes plain that the group must survive or the individ-ual will not.So at the outset, how best to live and work together asgroups became the prime question. In the world about uswe saw personalities destroying whole peoples. The strug-gle for wealth, power, and prestige was tearing humanityapart as never before. If strong people were stalemated inthe search for peace and harmony, what was to become of TRADITION ONE131our erratic band of alcoholics? As we had once struggledand prayed for individual recovery, just so earnestly did wecommence to quest for the principles through which A.A.itself might survive. On anvils of experience, the structureof our Society was hammered out.Countless times, in as many cities and hamlets, we re-enacted the story of Eddie Rickenbacker and his coura-geous company when their plane crashed in the Pacific.Like us, they had suddenly found themselves saved fromdeath, but still floating upon a perilous sea. How well theysaw that their common welfare came first. None might be-come selfish of water or bread. Each needed to consider theothers, and in abiding faith they knew they must find theirreal strength. And this they did find, in measure to tran-scend all the defects of their frail craft, every test ofuncertainty, pain, fear, and despair, and even the death ofone.Thus has it been with A.A. By faith and by works wehave been able to build upon the lessons of an incredibleexperience. They live today in the Twelve Traditions of Al-coholics Anonymous, whichGod willingshall sustainus in unity for so long as He may need us. Tradition TwoFor our group purpose there is but one ul-timate authoritya loving God as He mayexpress Himself in our group conscience.Our leaders are but trusted servants; theydo not govern.WHERE does A.A. get its direction? Who runs it? This,too, is a puzzler for every friend and newcomer. When toldthat our Society has no president having authority to governit, no treasurer who can compel the payment of any dues,no board of directors who can cast an erring member intoouter darkness, when indeed no A.A. can give another a di-rective and enforce obedience, our friends gasp andexclaim, This simply can't be. There must be an anglesomewhere. These practical folk then read Tradition Two,and learn that the sole authority in A.A. is a loving God asHe may express Himself in the group conscience. They du-biously ask an experienced A.A. member if this reallyworks. The member, sane to all appearances, immediatelyanswers, Yes! It definitely does. The friends mutter thatthis looks vague, nebulous, pretty naive to them. Then theycommence to watch us with speculative eyes, pick up afragment of A.A. history, and soon have the solid facts.What are these facts of A.A. life which brought us tothis apparently impractical principle?John Doe, a good A.A., moveslet us sayto Middle-town, U.S.A. Alone now, he reflects that he may not be able132 TRADITION TWO133to stay sober, or even alive, unless he passes on to other al-coholics what was so freely given him. He feels a spiritualand ethical compulsion, because hundreds may be sufferingwithin reach of his help. Then, too, he misses his homegroup. He needs other alcoholics as much as they need him.He visits preachers, doctors, editors, policemen, and bar-tenders . . . with the result that Middletown now has agroup, and he is the founder.Being the founder, he is at first the boss. Who else couldbe? Very soon, though, his assumed authority to run every-thing begins to be shared with the first alcoholics he hashelped. At this moment, the benign dictator becomes thechairman of a committee composed of his friends. Theseare the growing group's hierarchy of serviceself-appoint-ed, of course, because there is no other way. In a matter ofmonths, A.A. booms in Middletown.The founder and his friends channel spirituality to new-comers, hire halls, make hospital arrangements, and entreattheir wives to brew gallons of coffee. Being on the humanside, the founder and his friends may bask a little in glory.They say to one another, Perhaps it would be a good ideaif we continue to keep a firm hand on A.A. in this town. Af-ter all, we are experienced. Besides, look at all the goodwe've done these drunks. They should be grateful! True,founders and their friends are sometimes wiser and morehumble than this. But more often at this stage they are not.Growing pains now beset the group. Panhandlers pan-handle. Lonely hearts pine. Problems descend like anavalanche. Still more important, murmurs are heard in thebody politic, which swell into a loud cry: Do these old- 134TRADITION TWOtimers think they can run this group forever? Let's have anelection. The founder and his friends are hurt and de-pressed. They rush from crisis to crisis and from member tomember, pleading; but it's no use, the revolution is on. Thegroup conscience is about to take over.Now comes the election. If the founder and his friendshave served well, they mayto their surprisebe reinstat-ed for a time. If, however, they have heavily resisted therising tide of democracy, they may be summarily beached.In either case, the group now has a so-called rotating com-mittee, very sharply limited in its authority. In no sensewhatever can its members govern or direct the group. Theyare servants. Theirs is the sometimes thankless privilege ofdoing the group's chores. Headed by the chairman, theylook after public relations and arrange meetings. Their trea-surer, strictly accountable, takes money from the hat that ispassed, banks it, pays the rent and other bills, and makes aregular report at business meetings. The secretary sees thatliterature is on the table, looks after the phone-answeringservice, answers the mail, and sends out notices of meet-ings. Such are the simple services that enable the group tofunction. The committee gives no spiritual advice, judgesno one's conduct, issues no orders. Every one of them maybe promptly eliminated at the next election if they try this.And so they make the belated discovery that they are reallyservants, not senators. These are universal experiences.Thus throughout A.A. does the group conscience decree theterms upon which its leaders shall serve.This brings us straight to the question Does A .A . h av ea real leadership? Most emphatically the answer is Yes, TRADITION TWO135notwithstanding the apparent lack of it. Let's turn again tothe deposed founder and his friends. What becomes ofthem? As their grief and anxiety wear away, a subtlechange begins. Ultimately, they divide into two classesknown in A.A. slang as elder statesmen and bleedingdeacons. The elder statesman is the one who sees the wis-dom of the group's decision, who holds no resentment overhis reduced status, whose judgment, fortified by consider-able experience, is sound, and who is willing to sit quietlyon the sidelines patiently awaiting developments. Thebleeding deacon is one who is just as surely convinced thatthe group cannot get along without him, who constantlyconnives for reelection to office, and who continues to beconsumed with self-pity. A few hemorrhage so badly thatdrained of all A.A. spirit and principlethey get drunk. Attimes the A.A. landscape seems to be littered with bleedingforms. Nearly every oldtimer in our Society has gonethrough this process in some degree. Happily, most of themsurvive and live to become elder statesmen. They becomethe real and permanent leadership of A.A. Theirs is the qui-et opinion, the sure knowledge and humble example thatresolve a crisis. When sorely perplexed, the group in-evitably turns to them for advice. They become the voice ofthe group conscience; in fact, these are the true voice of Al-coholics Anonymous. They do not drive by mandate; theylead by example. This is the experience which has led us tothe conclusion that our group conscience, well-advised byits elders, will be in the long run wiser than any single lead-er.When A.A. was only three years old, an event occurred 136TRADITION TWOdemonstrating this principle. One of the first members ofA.A., entirely contrary to his own desires, was obliged toconform to group opinion. Here is the story in his words.On e day I was doi n g a Twelfth Step job at a hospital inNew York. The proprietor, Charlie, summoned me to hisoffice. 'Bill,' he said, 'I think it's a shame that you are finan-cially so hard up. All around you these drunks are gettingwell and making money. But you're giving this work fulltime, and you're broke. It isn't fair.' Charlie fished in hisdesk and came up with an old financial statement. Handingit to me, he continued, 'This shows the kind of money thehospital used to make back in the 1920's. Thousands of dol-lars a month. It should be doing just as well now, and itwouldif only you'd help me. So why don't you moveyour work in here? I'll give you an office, a decent drawingaccount, and a very healthy slice of the profits. Three yearsago, when my head doctor, Silkworth, began to tell me ofthe idea of helping drunks by spirituality, I thought it wascrackpot stuff, but I've changed my mind. Some day thisbunch of ex-drunks of yours will fill Madison Square Gar-den, and I don't see why you should starve meanwhile.What I propose is perfectly ethical. You can become a laytherapist, and more successful than anybody in the busi-ness.'I was bowled over. There were a few twinges of con-science until I saw how really ethical Charlie's proposalwas. There was nothing wrong whatever with becoming alay therapist. I thought of Lois coming home exhaustedfrom the department store each day, only to cook supper fora houseful of drunks who weren't paying board. I thought TRADITION TWO137of the large sum of money still owing my Wall Street credi-tors. I thought of a few of my alcoholic friends, who weremaking as much money as ever. Why shouldn't I do as wellas they?Although I asked Charlie for a little time to consider it,my own mind was about made up. Racing back to Brook-lyn on the subway, I had a seeming flash of divineguidance. It was only a single sentence, but most convinc-ing. In fact, it came right out of the Biblea voice keptsaying to me, 'The laborer is worthy of his hire.' Arrivinghome, I found Lois cooking as usual, while three drunkslooked hungrily on from the kitchen door. I drew her asideand told the glorious news. She looked interested, but not asexcited as I thought she should be.It was meeting night. Although none of the alcoholicswe boarded seemed to get sober, some others had. Withtheir wives they crowded into our downstairs parlor. Atonce I burst into the story of my opportunity. Never shall Iforget their impassive faces, and the steady gaze they fo-cused upon me. With waning enthusiasm, my tale trailedoff to the end. There was a long silence.Almost timidly, one of my friends began to speak. 'Weknow how hard up you are, Bill. It bothers us a lot. We'veoften wondered what we might do about it. But I think Ispeak for everyone here when I say that what you now pro-pose bothers us an awful lot more.' The speaker's voicegrew more confident. 'Don't you realize,' he went on, 'thatyou can never become a professional? As generous asCharlie has been to us, don't you see that we can't tie thisthing up with his hospital or any other? You tell us that 138TRADITION TWOCharlie's proposal is ethical. Sure, it's ethical, but whatwe've got won't run on ethics only; it has to be better. Sure,Charlie's idea is good, but it isn't good enough. This is amatter of life and death, Bill, and nothing but the very bestwill do!' Challengingly, my friends looked at me as theirspokesman continued. 'Bill, haven't you often said righthere in this meeting that sometimes the good is the enemyof the best? Well, this is a plain case of it. You can't do thisthing to us!'So spoke the group conscience. The group was rightand I was wrong; the voice on the subway was not thevoice of God. Here was the true voice, welling up out ofmy friends. I listened, andthank GodI obeyed. Tradition ThreeThe only requirement for A.A. membershipis a desire to stop drinking.THIS Tradition is packed with meaning. For A.A. is reallysaying to every serious drinker, You are an A.A. memberif you say so. You can declare yourself in; nobody can keepyou out. No matter who you are, no matter how low you'vegone, no matter how grave your emotional complicationseven your crimeswe still can't deny you A.A. We don'twant to keep you out. We aren't a bit afraid you'll harm us,never mind how twisted or violent you may be. We justwant to be sure that you get the same great chance for so-briety that we've had. So you're an A.A. member the minuteyou declare yourself.To establish this principle of membership took years ofharrowing experience. In our early time, nothing seemed sofragile, so easily breakable as an A.A. group. Hardly an al-coholic we approached paid any attention; most of thosewho did join us were like flickering candles in a windstorm.Time after time, their uncertain flames blew out and could-n't be relighted. Our unspoken, constant thought wasW h i ch of us m ay b e th e n ex t?A member gives us a vivid glimpse of those days. Atone time, he says, every A.A. group had many member-ship rules. Everybody was scared witless that something orsomebody would capsize the boat and dump us all back139 140TRADITION THREEinto the drink. Our Foundation office* asked each group tosend in its list of 'protective' regulations. The total list was amile long. If all those rules had been in effect everywhere,nobody could have possibly joined A.A. at all, so great wasthe sum of our anxiety and fear.We were resolved to admit nobody to A.A.. but thathypothetical class of people we termed 'pure alcoholics.'Except for their guzzling, and the unfortunate results there-of, they could have no other complications. So beggars,tramps, asylum inmates, prisoners, queers, plain crackpots,and fallen women were definitely out. Yes sir, we'd cateronly to pure and respectable alcoholics! Any others wouldsurely destroy us. Besides, if we took in those odd ones,what would decent people say about us? We built a fine-mesh fence right around A.A.M ay b e th i s s oun ds com i cal n ow. M ay b e y ou th i n k weoldtimers were pretty intolerant. But I can tell you therewas nothing funny about the situation then. We were grimbecause we felt our lives and homes were threatened, andthat was no laughing matter. Intolerant, you say? Well, wewere frightened. Naturally, we began to act like most ev-erybody does when afraid. After all, isn't fear the true basisof intolerance? Yes, we were intolerant.How could we then guess that all those fears were toprove groundless? How could we know that thousands ofthese sometimes frightening people were to make astonish-ing recoveries and become our greatest workers and*In 1954, the name of the Alcoholic Foundation, Inc., waschanged to the General Service Board of Alcoholics Anonymous,Inc., and the Foundation office is now the General Service Office. TRADITION THREE141intimate friends? Was it credible that A.A. was to have a di-vorce rate far lower than average? Could we then foreseethat troublesome people were to become our principalteachers of patience and tolerance? Could any then imaginea society which would include every conceivable kind ofcharacter, and cut across every barrier of race, creed, poli-tics, and language with ease?Why did A.A. finally drop all its membership regula-tions? Why did we leave it to each newcomer to decidehimself whether he was an alcoholic and whether he shouldjoin us? Why did we dare to say, contrary to the experienceof society and government everywhere, that we would nei-ther punish nor deprive any A.A. of membership, that wemust never compel anyone to pay anything, believe any-thing, or conform to anything?The answer, now seen in Tradition Three, was simplici-ty itself. At last experience taught us that to take away anyalcoholic's full chance was sometimes to pronounce hisdeath sentence, and often to condemn him to endless mis-ery. Who dared to be judge, jury, and executioner of hisown sick brother?As group after group saw these possibilities, they finallyabandoned all membership regulations. One dramatic expe-rience after another clinched this determination until itbecame our universal tradition. Here are two examples:On the A.A. calendar it was Year Two. In that timenothing could be seen but two struggling, nameless groupsof alcoholics trying to hold their faces up to the light.A newcomer appeared at one of these groups, knockedon the door and asked to be let in. He talked frankly with 142TRADITION THREEthat group's oldest member. He soon proved that his was adesperate case, and that above all he wanted to get well.But, he asked, wi l l y ou l et m e j oi n y our group? Si n ce Iam the victim of another addiction even worse stigmatizedthan alcoholism, you may not want me among you. Or willyou?There was the dilemma. What should the group do?The oldest member summoned two others, and in confi-dence laid the explosive facts in their laps. Said he, Well,what about it? If we turn this man away, he'll soon die. Ifwe allow him in, only God knows what trouble he'll brew.What shall the answer beyes or no?At first the elders could look only at the objections. Wedeal, they said, with alcoholics only. Shouldn't we sacri-fice this one for the sake of the many? So went thediscussion while the newcomer's fate hung in the balance.Then one of the three spoke in a very different voice.W h at we are real l y af rai d of , he said, is our reputation.We are much more afraid of what people might say thanthe trouble this strange alcoholic might bring. As we'vebeen talking, five short words have been running throughmy mind. Something keeps repeating to me, 'What wouldthe Master do?' Not an oth er word was s ai d. W h at m ore i n-deed could be said?Overjoyed, the newcomer plunged into Twelfth Stepwork. Tirelessly he laid A.A.'s message before scores ofpeople. Since this was a very early group, those scores havesince multiplied themselves into thousands. Never did hetrouble anyone with his other difficulty. A.A. had taken itsfirst step in the formation of Tradition Three. TRADITION THREE143Not long after the man with the double stigma knockedfor admission, A.A.'s other group received into its member-ship a salesman we shall call Ed. A power driver, this one,and brash as any salesman could possibly be. He had atleast an idea a minute on how to improve A.A. These ideashe sold to fellow members with the same burning enthusi-asm with which he distributed automobile polish. But hehad one idea that wasn't so salable. Ed was an atheist. Hispet obsession was that A.A. could get along better withoutits God nonsense. He browbeat everybody, and every-body expected that he'd soon get drunkfor at the time,you see, A.A. was on the pious side. There must be a heavypenalty, it was thought, for blasphemy. Distressinglyenough, Ed proceeded to stay sober.At length the time came for him to speak in a meeting.We shivered, for we knew what was coming. He paid a finetribute to the Fellowship; he told how his family had beenreunited; he extolled the virtue of honesty; he recalled thejoys of Twelfth Step work; and then he lowered the boom.Cried Ed, I can't stand this God stuff! It's a lot of malarkeyfor weak folks. This group doesn't need it, and I won't haveit! To hell with it!A great wave of outraged resentment engulfed themeeting, sweeping every member to a single resolve: Outhe goes!The elders led Ed aside. They said firmly, You can'ttalk like this around here. You'll have to quit it or get out.With great sarcasm Ed came back at them. Now do tel l ! Isthat so? He reached over to a bookshelf and took up asheaf of papers. On top of them lay the foreword to the 144TRADITION THREEbook Alcoholics Anonymous then under preparation. Heread aloud, Th e on l y requi rem en t f or A .A . m em b ers h i p i sa desire to stop drinking. Rel en tl es s l y , Ed wen t on , W h enyou guys wrote that sentence, did you mean it, or didn'tyou?Dismayed, the elders looked at one another, for theyknew he had them cold. So Ed stayed.Ed not only stayed, he stayed sobermonth aftermonth. The longer he kept dry, the louder he talkedagainst God. The group was in anguish so deep that all fra-ternal charity had vanished. W h en, oh when, groanedmembers to one another, wi l l th at guy get drun k?Quite a while later, Ed got a sales job which took himout of town. At the end of a few days, the news came in.He'd sent a telegram for money, and everybody knew whatthat meant! Then he got on the phone. In those days, we'dgo anywhere on a Twelfth Step job, no matter how un-promising. But this time nobody stirred. Leave him alone!Let him try it by himself for once; maybe he'll learn a les-son!About two weeks later, Ed stole by night into an A.A.member's house and, unknown to the family, went to bed.Daylight found the master of the house and another frienddrinking their morning coffee. A noise was heard on thestairs. To their consternation, Ed appeared. A quizzicalsmile on his lips, he said, Have you fellows had yourmorning meditation? They quickly sensed that he wasquite in earnest. In fragments, his story came out.In a neighboring state, Ed had holed up in a cheap hotel.After all his pleas for help had been rebuffed, these words TRADITION THREE145rang in his fevered mind: Th ey have deserted me. I havebeen deserted by my own kind. This is the end . . . nothingis left. A s h e tos s ed on h i s b ed, h i s h an d b rus h ed th e b u-reau near by, touching a book. Opening the book, he read. Itwas a Gideon Bible. Ed never confided any more of whathe saw and felt in that hotel room. It was the year 1938. Hehasn't had a drink since.Nowadays, when oldtimers who know Ed foregather,they exclaim, W h at i f we h ad actual l y s ucceeded i n th row-ing Ed out for blasphemy? What would have happened tohim and all the others he later helped?So the hand of Providence early gave us a sign that anyalcoholic is a member of our Society when he says so. Tradition FourEach group should be autonomous exceptin matters affecting other groups or A.A. asa whole.AUTONOMY is a ten-dollar word. But in relation to us,it means very simply that every A.A. group can manage itsaffairs exactly as it pleases, except when A.A. as a whole isthreatened. Comes now the same question raised in Tradi-tion One. Isn't such liberty foolishly dangerous?Over the years, every conceivable deviation from ourTwelve Steps and Traditions has been tried. That was sureto be, since we are so largely a band of ego-driven individ-ualists. Children of chaos, we have defiantly played withevery brand of fire, only to emerge unharmed and, wethink, wiser. These very deviations created a vast process oftrial and error which, under the grace of God, has broughtus to where we stand today.When A.A.'s Traditions were first published, in 1946,we had become sure that an A.A. group could stand almostany amount of battering. We saw that the group, exactlylike the individual, must eventually conform to whatevertested principles would guarantee survival. We had discov-ered that there was perfect safety in the process of trial anderror. So confident of this had we become that the originalstatement of A.A. tradition carried this significant sentence:Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety146 TRADITION FOUR147may call themselves an A.A. group provided that as a groupthey have no other affiliation.This meant, of course, that we had been given thecourage to declare each A.A. group an individual entity,strictly reliant on its own conscience as a guide to action. Incharting this enormous expanse of freedom, we found itnecessary to post only two storm signals: A group ought notdo anything which would greatly injure A.A. as a whole,nor ought it affiliate itself with anything or anybody else.There would be real danger should we commence to callsome groups wet, oth ers dry , s till others Republicanor Communist, an d y et oth ers Catholic or ProtestantThe A.A. group would have to stick to its course or behopelessly lost. Sobriety had to be its sole objective. In allother respects there was perfect freedom of will and action.Every group had the right to be wrong.When A.A. was still young, lots of eager groups wereforming. In a town we'll call Middleton, a real crackerjackhad started up. The townspeople were as hot as firecrackersabout it. Stargazing, the elders dreamed of innovations.They figured the town needed a great big alcoholic center, akind of pilot plant A.A. groups could duplicate everywhere.Beginning on the ground floor there would be a club; in thesecond story they would sober up drunks and hand themcurrency for their back debts; the third deck would housean educational projectquite noncontroversial, of course.In imagination the gleaming center was to go up severalstories more, but three would do for a start. This would alltake a lot of moneyother people's money. Believe it ornot, wealthy townsfolk bought the idea. 148TRADITION FOURThere were, though, a few conservative dissentersamong the alcoholics. They wrote the Foundation* , A.A.'sheadquarters in New York, wanting to know about this sortof streamlining. They understood that the elders, just to nailthings down good, were about to apply to the Foundationfor a charter. These few were disturbed and skeptical.Of course, there was a promoter in the deala super-promoter. By his eloquence he allayed all fears, despite ad-vice from the Foundation that it could issue no charter, andthat ventures which mixed an A.A. group with medicationand education had come to sticky ends elsewhere. To makethings safer, the promoter organized three corporations andbecame president of them all. Freshly painted, the new cen-ter shone. The warmth of it all spread through the town.Soon things began to hum. To insure foolproof, continuousoperation, sixty-one rules and regulations were adopted.But alas, this bright scene was not long in darkening.Confusion replaced serenity. It was found that some drunksyearned for education, but doubted if they were alcoholics.The personality defects of others could be cured maybewith a loan. Some were club-minded, but it was just a ques-tion of taking care of the lonely heart. Sometimes theswarming applicants would go for all three floors. Somewould start at the top and come through to the bottom, be-coming club members; others started in the club, pitched abinge, were hospitalized, then graduated to education onthe third floor. It was a beehive of activity, all right, but un-*In 1954, the name of the Alcoholic Foundation, Inc., waschanged to the General Service Board of Alcoholics Anonymous,Inc., and the Foundation office is now the General Service Office. TRADITION FOUR149like a beehive, it was confusion compounded. An A.A.group, as such, simply couldn't handle this sort of project.All too late that was discovered. Then came the inevitableexplosionsomething like that day the boiler burst inWombley's Clapboard Factory. A chill chokedamp of fearand frustration fell over the group.When that lifted, a wonderful thing had happened. Thehead promoter wrote the Foundation office. He said hewished he'd paid some attention to A.A. experience. Thenhe did something else that was to become an A.A. classic. Itall went on a little card about golf-score size. The coverread: M i ddl eton Group #1. Rul e #62. On ce th e card wasunfolded, a single pungent sentence leaped to the eye:Don ' t take y ours el f too dam n s eri ous l y .Thus it was that under Tradition Four an A.A. grouphad exercised its right to be wrong. Moreover, it had per-formed a great service for Alcoholics Anonymous, becauseit had been humbly willing to apply the lessons it learned. Ithad picked itself up with a laugh and gone on to betterthings. Even the chief architect, standing in the ruins of hisdream, could laugh at himselfand that is the very acme ofhumility. Tradition FiveEach group has but one primary purposeto carry the message to the alcoholic whostill suffers. SHOEMAKER, stick to thy last!... better do one thingsupremely well than many badly. That is the central themeof this Tradition. Around it our Society gathers in unity. Thevery life of our Fellowship requires the preservation of thisprinciple.Alcoholics Anonymous can be likened to a group ofphysicians who might find a cure for cancer, and uponwhose concerted work would depend the answer for suffer-ers of this disease. True, each physician in such a groupmight have his own specialty. Every doctor concernedwould at times wish he could devote himself to his chosenfield rather than work only with the group. But once thesemen had hit upon a cure, once it became apparent that onlyby their united effort could this be accomplished, then all ofthem would feel bound to devote themselves solely to therelief of cancer. In the radiance of such a miraculous dis-covery, any doctor would set his other ambitions aside, atwhatever personal cost.Just as firmly bound by obligation are the members ofAlcoholics Anonymous, who have demonstrated that theycan help problem drinkers as others seldom can. Theunique ability of each A.A. to identify himself with, and150 TRADITION FIVE151bring recovery to, the newcomer in no way depends uponhis learning, eloquence, or on any special individual skills.The only thing that matters is that he is an alcoholic whohas found a key to sobriety. These legacies of suffering andof recovery are easily passed among alcoholics, one to theother. This is our gift from God, and its bestowal upon oth-ers like us is the one aim that today animates A.A.'s allaround the globe.There is another reason for this singleness of purpose. Itis the great paradox of A.A. that we know we can seldomkeep the precious gift of sobriety unless we give it away. Ifa group of doctors possessed a cancer cure, they might beconscience-stricken if they failed their mission through self-seeking. Yet such a failure wouldn't jeopardize their person-al survival. For us, if we neglect those who are still sick,there is unremitting danger to our own lives and sanity. Un-der these compulsions of self-preservation, duty, and love,it is not strange that our Society has concluded that it hasbut one high missionto carry the A.A. message to thosewho don't know there's a way out.Highlighting the wisdom of A.A.'s single purpose, amember tells this story:Restless one day, I felt I'd better do some Twelfth Stepwork. Maybe I should take out some insurance against aslip. But first I'd have to find a drunk to work on.So I hopped the subway to Towns Hospital, where Iasked Dr. Silkworth if he had a prospect. 'Nothing toopromising,' the little doc said. 'There's just one chap on thethird floor who might be a possibility. But he's an awfullytough Irishman. I never saw a man so obstinate. He shouts 152TRADITION FIVEthat if his partner would treat him better, and his wife wouldleave him alone, he'd soon solve his alcohol problem. He'shad a bad case of D.T.'s, he's pretty foggy, and he's verysuspicious of everybody. Doesn't sound too good, does it?But working with him may do something for you, so whydon't you have a go at it?'I was soon sitting beside a big hulk of a man. Decided-ly unfriendly, he stared at me out of eyes which were slits inhis red and swollen face. I had to agree with the doctorhecertainly didn't look good. But I told him my own story. Iexplained what a wonderful Fellowship we had, how wellwe understood each other. I bore down hard on the hope-lessness of the drunk's dilemma. I insisted that few drunkscould ever get well on their own steam, but that in ourgroups we could do together what we could not do sepa-rately. He interrupted to scoff at this and asserted he'd fixhis wife, his partner, and his alcoholism by himself. Sarcas-tically he asked, 'How much does your scheme cost?'I was thankful I could tell him, 'Nothing at all.'Hi s n ex t ques ti on : ' W h at are you getting out of it?'Of course, my answer was 'My own sobriety and amighty happy life.'Still dubious, he demanded, 'Do you really mean theonly reason you are here is to try and help me and to helpyourself?''Yes,' I said. 'That's absolutely all there is to it. There'sno angle.'Th en , h es i tan tl y , I v en tured to tal k ab out th e s pi ri tualside of our program. What a freeze that drunk gave me! I'dno sooner got the word 'spiritual' out of my mouth than he TRADITION FIVE153pounced. 'Oh!' he said. 'Now I get it! You're proselytizingfor some damn religious sect or other. Where do you getthat no angle stuff? I belong to a great church that meanseverything to me. You've got a nerve to come in here talk-ing religion!'Th an k h eav en I cam e up wi th th e ri gh t an s wer f or th atone. It was based foursquare on the single purpose of A.A.'You have faith,' I said. 'Perhaps far deeper faith than mine.No doubt you're better taught in religious matters than I. SoI can't tell you anything about religion. I don't even want totry. I'll bet, too, that you could give me a letter-perfect defi-nition of humility. But from what you've told me aboutyourself and your problems and how you propose to lickthem, I think I know what's wrong.''Okay,' he said. 'Give me the business.''Well,' said I, 'I think you're just a conceited Irishmanwho thinks he can run the whole show.'Th i s real l y rocked h i m . But as h e cal m ed down , h e b e-gan to listen while I tried to show him that humility was themain key to sobriety. Finally, he saw that I wasn't attempt-ing to change his religious views, that I wanted him to findthe grace in his own religion that would aid his recovery.From there on we got along fine.Now, con cl udes the oldtimer, suppose I'd beenobliged to talk to this man on religious grounds? Supposemy answer had to be that A.A. needed a lot of money; thatA.A. went in for education, hospitals, and rehabilitation?Suppose I'd suggested that I'd take a hand in his domesticand business affairs? Where would we have wound up? Noplace, of course. 154TRADITION FIVEYears later, this tough Irish customer liked to say, M ysponsor sold me one idea, and that was sobriety. At thetime, I couldn't have bought anything else. Tradition SixAn A.A. group ought never endorse, fi-nance or lend the A.A. name to any relatedfacility or outside enterprise, lest problemsof money, property and prestige divert usfrom our primary purpose.THE m o m e n t we saw that we had an answer for alco-holism, it was reasonable (or so it seemed at the time) for usto feel that we might have the answer to a lot of otherthings. The A.A. groups, many thought, could go into busi-ness, might finance any enterprise whatever in the totalfield of alcoholism. In fact, we felt duty-bound to throw thewhole weight of the A.A. name behind any meritoriouscause.Here are some of the things we dreamed. Hospitals did-n't like alcoholics, so we thought we'd build a hospital chainof our own. People needed to be told what alcoholism was,so we'd educate the public, even rewrite school and medicaltextbooks. We'd gather up derelicts from skid rows, sort outthose who could get well, and make it possible for the restto earn their livelihood in a kind of quarantined confine-ment. Maybe these places would make large sums ofmoney to carry on our other good works. We seriouslythought of rewriting the laws of the land, and having it de-clared that alcoholics are sick people. No more would theybe jailed; judges would parole them in our custody. We'dspill A.A. into the dark regions of dope addiction and crimi-155 156TRADITION SIXnality. We'd form groups of depressive and paranoid folks;the deeper the neurosis, the better we'd like it. It stood toreason that if alcoholism could be licked, so could anyproblem.It occurred to us that we could take what we had intothe factories and cause laborers and capitalists to love eachother. Our uncompromising honesty might soon clean uppolitics. With one arm around the shoulder of religion andthe other around the shoulder of medicine, we'd resolvetheir differences. Having learned to live so happily, we'dshow everybody else how. Why, we thought, our Society ofAlcoholics Anonymous might prove to be the spearhead ofa new spiritual advance! We might transform the world.Yes, we of A.A. did dream those dreams. How naturalthat was, since most alcoholics are bankrupt idealists. Near-ly every one of us had wished to do great good, performgreat deeds, and embody great ideals. We are all perfection-ists who, failing perfection, have gone to the other extremeand settled for the bottle and the blackout. Providence,through A.A., had brought us within reach of our highestexpectations. So why shouldn't we share our way of lifewith everyone?Whereupon we tried A.A. hospitalsthey all boggeddown because you cannot put an A.A. group into business;too many busybody cooks spoil the broth. A.A. groups hadtheir fling at education, and when they began to publiclywhoop up the merits of this or that brand, people becameconfused. Did A.A. fix drunks or was it an educationalproject? Was A.A. spiritual or was it medical? Was it a re-form movement? In consternation, we saw ourselves TRADITION SIX157getting married to all kinds of enterprises, some good andsome not so good. Watching alcoholics committed willy-nilly to prisons or asylums, we began to cry, Th ere ough ttabe a law! A .A .' s com m en ced to th um p tab l es i n l egi s l ati v ecommittee rooms and agitated for legal reform. That madegood newspaper copy, but little else. We saw we'd soon bemired in politics. Even inside A.A. we found it imperativeto remove the A.A. name from clubs and Twelfth Stephouses.These adventures implanted a deep-rooted convictionthat in no circumstances could we endorse any related en-terprise, no matter how good. We of AlcoholicsAnonymous could not be all things to all men, nor shouldwe try.Years ago this principle of no endorsement was put toa vital test. Some of the great distilling companies proposedto go into the field of alcohol education. It would be a goodthing, they believed, for the liquor trade to show a sense ofpublic responsibility. They wanted to say that liquor shouldbe enjoyed, not misused; hard drinkers ought to slow down,and problem drinkersalcoholicsshould not drink at all.In one of their trade associations, the question arose ofjust how this campaign should be handled. Of course, theywould use the resources of radio, press, and films to maketheir point. But what kind of person should head the job?They immediately thought of Alcoholics Anonymous. Ifthey could find a good public relations man in our ranks,why wouldn't he be ideal? He'd certainly know the prob-lem. His connection with A.A. would be valuable, becausethe Fellowship stood high in public favor and hadn't an en- 158TRADITION SIXemy in the world.Soon they'd spotted their man, an A.A. with the neces-sary experience. Straightway he appeared at New York'sA.A. headquarters, asking, Is there anything in our tradi-tion that suggests I shouldn't take a job like this one? Thekind of education seems good to me, and is not too contro-versial. Do you headquarters folks see any bugs in it?At first glance, it did look like a good thing. Then doubtcrept in. The association wanted to use our member's fullname in all its advertising; he was to be described both asits director of publicity and as a member of AlcoholicsAnonymous. Of course, there couldn't be the slightest ob-jection if such an association hired an A.A. member solelybecause of his public relations ability and his knowledge ofalcoholism. But that wasn't the whole story, for in this casenot only was an A.A. member to break his anonymity at apublic level, he was to link the name Alcoholics Anony-mous to this particular educational project in the minds ofmillions. It would be bound to appear that A.A. was nowbacking educationliquor trade association style.The minute we saw this compromising fact for what itwas, we asked the prospective publicity director how he feltabout it. Great guns! he said. Of cours e I can ' t take th ejob. The ink wouldn't be dry on the first ad before an awfulshriek would go up from the dry camp. They'd be out withlanterns looking for an honest A.A. to plump for theirbrand of education. A.A. would land exactly in the middleof the wet-dry controversy. Half the people in this countrywould think we'd signed up with the drys, the other halfwould think we'd joined the wets. What a mess! TRADITION SIX159Nev erth el es s , we poi n ted out, you still have a legalright to take this job.I know that, he said. But this is no time for legalities.Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life, and it comes first. Icertainly won't be the guy to land A.A. in big-time trouble,and this would really do it!Concerning endorsements, our friend had said it all. Wesaw as never before that we could not lend the A.A. nameto any cause other than our own. Tradition SevenEvery A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contribu-tions.SELF-SUPPORTING a l c o h o l i c s? Who ever heard ofsuch a thing? Yet we find that's what we have to be. Thisprinciple is telling evidence of the profound change thatA.A. has wrought in all of us. Everybody knows that activealcoholics scream that they have no troubles money can'tcure. Always, we've had our hands out. Time out of mindwe've been dependent upon somebody, usually money-wise. When a society composed entirely of alcoholics saysit's going to pay its bills, that's really news.Probably no A.A. Tradition had the labor pains this onedid. In early times, we were all broke. When you add to thisthe habitual supposition that people ought to give money toalcoholics trying to stay sober, it can be understood why wethought we deserved a pile of folding money. What greatthings A.A. would be able to do with it! But oddly enough,people who had money thought otherwise. They figuredthat it was high time we nowsoberpaid our own way.So our Fellowship stayed poor because it had to.There was another reason for our collective poverty. Itwas soon apparent that while alcoholics would spend lav-ishly on Twelfth Step cases, they had a terrific aversion todropping money into a meeting-place hat for group purpos-160 TRADITION SEVEN161es. We were astounded to find that we were as tight as thebark on a tree. So A.A., the movement, started and stayedbroke, while its individual members waxed prosperous.Alcoholics are certainly all-or-nothing people. Our re-actions to money prove this. As A.A. emerged from itsinfancy into adolescence, we swung from the idea that weneeded vast sums of money to the notion that A.A. should-n't have any. On every lip were the words You can't mixA.A. and money. We shall have to separate the spiritualfrom the material. We took this violent new tack becausehere and there members had tried to make money out oftheir A.A. connections, and we feared we'd be exploited.Now and then, grateful benefactors had endowed clubhous-es, and as a result there was sometimes outside interferencein our affairs. We had been presented with a hospital, andalmost immediately the donor's son became its principalpatient and would-be manager. One A.A. group was givenfive thousand dollars to do with what it would. The hassleover that chunk of money played havoc for years. Fright-ened by these complications, some groups refused to have acent in their treasuries.Despite these misgivings, we had to recognize the factthat A.A. had to function. Meeting places cost something.To save whole areas from turmoil, small offices had to beset up, telephones installed, and a few full-time secretarieshired. Over many protests, these things were accomplished.We saw that if they weren't, the man coming in the doorcouldn't get a break. These simple services would requiresmall sums of money which we could and would pay our-selves. At last the pendulum stopped swinging and pointed 162TRADITION SEVENstraight at Tradition Seven as it reads today.In this connection, Bill likes to tell the following point-ed story. He explains that when Jack Alexander's SaturdayEvening Post piece broke in 1941, thousands of frantic let-ters from distraught alcoholics and their families hit theFoundation* letterbox in New York. Our of f i ce s taf f , Bi l lsays, consisted of two people: one devoted secretary andmyself. How could this landslide of appeals be met? We'dhave to have some more full-time help, that was sure. Sowe asked the A.A. groups for voluntary contributions.Would they send us a dollar a member a year? Otherwisethis heartbreaking mail would have to go unanswered.To my surprise, the response of the groups was slow. Igot mighty sore about it. Looking at this avalanche of mailone morning at the office, I paced up and down rantinghow irresponsible and tightwad my fellow members were.Just then an old acquaintance stuck a tousled and achinghead in the door. He was our prize slippee. I could see hehad an awful hangover. Remembering some of my own,my heart filled with pity. I motioned him to my inside cubi-cle and produced a five-dollar bill. As my total income wasthirty dollars a week at the time, this was a fairly large do-nation. Lois really needed the money for groceries, but thatdidn't stop me. The intense relief on my friend's facewarmed my heart. I felt especially virtuous as I thought ofall the ex-drunks who wouldn't even send the Foundation adollar apiece, and here I was gladly making a five-dollar in-*In 1954, the name of the Alcoholic Foundation, Inc., waschanged to the General Service Board of Alcoholics Anonymous,Inc., and the Foundation office is now the General Service Office. TRADITION SEVEN163vestment to fix a hangover.Th e m eeti n g th at n i gh t was at New York's old 24thStreet Clubhouse. During the intermission, the treasurergave a timid talk on how broke the club was. (That was inthe period when you couldn't mix money and A.A. ) But fi-nally he said itthe landlord would put us out if we didn'tpay up. He concluded his remarks by saying, 'Now boys,please go heavier on the hat tonight, will you?'I heard all this quite plainly, as I was piously trying toconvert a newcomer who sat next to me. The hat came inmy direction, and 1 reached into my pocket. Still workingon my prospect, I fumbled and came up with a fifty-centpiece. Somehow it looked like a very big coin. Hastily, Idropped it back and fished out a dime, which clinked thinlyas I dropped it in the hat. Hats never got folding money inthose days.Th en I woke up. I wh o h ad b oas ted m y gen eros i ty th atmorning was treating my own club worse than the distantalcoholics who had forgotten to send the Foundation theirdollars. I realized that my five-dollar gift to the slippee wasan ego-feeding proposition, bad for him and bad for me.There was a place in A.A. where spirituality and moneywould mix, and that was in the hat!There is another story about money. One night in 1948,the trustees of the Foundation were having their quarterlymeeting. The agenda discussion included a very importantquestion. A certain lady had died. When her will was read,it was discovered she had left Alcoholics Anonymous intrust with the Alcoholic Foundation a sum of ten thousanddollars. The question was: Should A.A. take the gift? 164TRADITION SEVENWhat a debate we had on that one! The Foundation wasreally hard up just then; the groups weren't sending inenough for the support of the office; we had been tossing inall the book income and even that hadn't been enough. Thereserve was melting like snow in springtime. We neededthat ten thousand dollars. M ay b e, s om e s ai d, the groupswill never fully support the office. We can't let it shut down;it's far too vital. Yes, let's take the money. Let's take all suchdonations in the future. We're going to need them.Then came the opposition. They pointed out that theFoundation board already knew of a total of half a milliondollars set aside for A.A. in the wills of people still alive.Heaven only knew how much there was we hadn't heardabout. If outside donations weren't declined, absolutely cutoff, then the Foundation would one day become rich.Moreover, at the slightest intimation to the general publicfrom our trustees that we needed money, we could becomeimmensely rich. Compared to this prospect, the ten thou-sand dollars under consideration wasn't much, but like thealcoholic's first drink it would, if taken, inevitably set up adisastrous chain reaction. Where would that land us? Who-ever pays the piper is apt to call the tune, and if the A.A.Foundation obtained money from outside sources, itstrustees might be tempted to run things without reference tothe wishes of A.A. as a whole. Relieved of responsibility,every alcoholic would shrug and say, Oh , th e F oun dati onis wealthywhy should 1 bother? Th e pres s ure of th at f attreasury would surely tempt the board to invent all kinds ofschemes to do good with such funds, and so divert A.A.from its primary purpose. The moment that happened, our TRADITION SEVEN165Fellowship's confidence would be shaken. The boardwould be isolated, and would fall under heavy attack ofcriticism from both A..A. and the public. These were thepossibilities, pro and con.Then our trustees wrote a bright page of A.A. history.They declared for the principle that A.A. must always staypoor. Bare running expenses plus a prudent reserve wouldhenceforth be the Foundation's financial policy. Difficult asit was, they officially declined that ten thousand dollars, andadopted a formal, airtight resolution that all such futuregifts would be similarly declined. At that moment, we be-lieve, the principle of corporate poverty was firmly andfinally embedded in A.A. tradition.When these facts were printed, there was a profound re-action. To people familiar with endless drives for charitablefunds, A.A. presented a strange and refreshing spectacle.Approving editorials here and abroad generated a wave ofconfidence in the integrity of Alcoholics Anonymous. Theypointed out that the irresponsible had become responsible,and that by making financial independence part of its tradi-tion, Alcoholics Anonymous had revived an ideal that itsera had almost forgotten. Tradition EightAlcoholics Anonymous should remain for-ever nonprofessional, but our service cen-ters may employ special workers.ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS wi ll never have a pro-fessional class. We have gained some understanding of theancient words Freely ye have received, freely give. Wehave discovered that at the point of professionalism, moneyand spirituality do not mix. Almost no recovery from alco-holism has ever been brought about by the world's bestprofessionals, whether medical or religious. We do not de-cry professionalism in other fields, but we accept the soberfact that it does not work for us. Every time we have triedto professionalize our Twelfth Step, the result has been ex-actly the same: Our single purpose has been defeated.Alcoholics simply will not listen to a paid twelfth-step-per. Almost from the beginning, we have been positive thatface-to-face work with the alcoholic who suffers could bebased only on the desire to help and be helped. When anA.A. talks for money, whether at a meeting or to a singlenewcomer, it can have a very bad effect on him, too. Themoney motive compromises him and everything he saysand does for his prospect. This has always been so obviousthat only a very few A.A.'s have ever worked the TwelfthStep for a fee.Despite this certainty, it is nevertheless true that fewsubjects have been the cause of more contention within our166 TRADITION EIGHT167Fellowship than professionalism. Caretakers who sweptfloors, cooks who fried hamburgers, secretaries in offices,authors writing booksall these we have seen hotly as-sailed because they were, as their critics angrily remarked,making money out of A.A. Ignoring the fact that theselabors were not Twelfth Step jobs at all, the critics attackedas A.A. professionals these workers of ours who were oftendoing thankless tasks that no one else could or would do.Even greater furors were provoked when A.A. membersbegan to run rest homes and farms for alcoholics, whensome hired out to corporations as personnel men in chargeof the alcoholic problem in industry, when some becamenurses on alcoholic wards, when others entered the field ofalcohol education. In all these instances, and more, it wasclaimed that A.A. knowledge and experience were beingsold for money, hence these people, too, were profession-als.At last, however, a plain line of cleavage could be seenbetween professionalism and nonprofessionalism. Whenwe had agreed that the Twelfth Step couldn't be sold formoney, we had been wise. But when we had declared thatour Fellowship couldn't hire service workers nor could anyA.A. member carry our knowledge into other fields, wewere taking the counsel of fear, fear which today has beenlargely dispelled in the light of experience.Take the case of the club janitor and cook. If a club isgoing to function, it has to be habitable and hospitable. Wetried volunteers, who were quickly disenchanted withsweeping floors and brewing coffee seven days a week.They just didn't show up. Even more important, an empty 168TRADITION EIGHTclub couldn't answer its telephone, but it was an open invi-tation to a drunk on a binge who possessed a spare key. Sosomebody had to look after the place full time. If we hiredan alcoholic, he'd receive only what we'd have to pay anonalcoholic for the same job. The job was not to doTwelfth Step work; it was to make Twelfth Step work pos-sible. It was a service proposition, pure and simple.Neither could A.A. itself function without full-timeworkers. At the Foundation* a nd intergroup offices, wecouldn't employ nonalcoholics as secretaries; we had tohave people who knew the A.A. pitch. But the minute wehired them, the ultraconservative and fearful ones shrilled,Professionalism! A t on e peri od, th e s tatus of th es e f ai th-ful servants was almost unbearable. They weren't asked tospeak at A.A. meetings because they were making moneyout of A.A. A t ti m es , th ey were actually shunned by fel-low members. Even the charitably disposed described themas a necessary evil. Committees took full advantage ofthis attitude to depress their salaries. They could regainsome measure of virtue, it was thought, if they worked forA.A. real cheap. These notions persisted for years. Then wesaw that if a hardworking secretary answered the phonedozens of times a day, listened to twenty wailing wives, ar-ranged hospitalization and got sponsorship for tennewcomers, and was gently diplomatic with the irate drunkwho complained about the job she was doing and how shewas overpaid, then such a person could surely not be called*In 1954, the name of the Alcoholic Foundation, Inc., waschanged to the General Service Board of Alcoholics Anonymous,Inc., and the Foundation office is now the General Service Office. TRADITION EIGHT169a professional A.A. She was not professionalizing theTwelfth Step; she was just making it possible. She washelping to give the man coming in the door the break heought to have. Volunteer committeemen and assistantscould be of great help, but they could not be expected tocarry this load day in and day out.At the Foundation, the same story repeats itself. Eighttons of books and literature per month do not package andchannel themselves all over the world. Sacks of letters onevery conceivable A.A. problem ranging from a lonely-heart Eskimo to the growing pains of thousands of groupsmust be answered by people who know. Right contactswith the world outside have to be maintained. A.A.'s life-lines have to be tended. So we hire A.A. staff members. Wepay them well, and they earn what they get. They are pro-fessional secretaries,* but they certainly are not professionalA.A.'s.Perhaps the fear will always lurk in every A.A. heartthat one day our name will be exploited by somebody forreal cash. Even the suggestion of such a thing never fails towhip up a hurricane, and we have discovered that hurri-canes have a way of mauling with equal severity both thejust and the unjust. They are always unreasonable.No individuals have been more buffeted by such emo-tional gusts than those A.A.'s bold enough to acceptemployment with outside agencies dealing with the alcohol*The work of present-day staff members has no counterpartamong the job categories of commercial organizations. TheseA.A.'s bring a wide range of business and professional experienceto their service at G.S.O. 170TRADITION EIGHTproblem. A university wanted an A.A. member to educatethe public on alcoholism. A corporation wanted a personnelman familiar with the subject. A state drunk farm wanted amanager who could really handle inebriates. A city wantedan experienced social worker who understood what alcoholcould do to a family. A state alcohol commission wanted apaid researcher. These are only a few of the jobs whichA.A. members as individuals have been asked to fill. Nowand then, A.A. members have bought farms or rest homeswhere badly beat-up topers could find needed care. Thequestion wasand sometimes still isare such activitiesto be branded as professionalism under A.A. tradition?We think the answer is No. M em b ers wh o s el ect s uchfull-time careers do not professionalize A.A.'s TwelfthStep. Th e road to th i s con cl us i on was l on g an d rocky . A tfirst, we couldn't see the real issue involved. In former days,the moment an A.A. hired out to such enterprises, he wasimmediately tempted to use the name Alcoholics Anony-mous for publicity or money-raising purposes. Drunkfarms, educational ventures, state legislatures, and commis-sions advertised the fact that A.A. members served them.Unthinkingly, A.A.'s so employed recklessly brokeanonymity to thump the tub for their pet enterprise. For thisreason, some very good causes and all connected with themsuffered unjust criticism from A.A. groups. More often thannot, these onslaughts were spearheaded by the cry Profes-sionalism! That guy is making money out of A.A.! Yet nota single one of them had been hired to do A.A.'s TwelfthStep work. The violation in these instances was not profes-sionalism at all; it was breaking anonymity. A.A.'s sole TRADITION EIGHT171purpose was being compromised, and the name of Alco-holics Anonymous was being misused. It is significant, now that almost no A.A. in our Fellow-ship breaks anonymity at the public level, that nearly allthese fears have subsided. We see that we have no right orneed to discourage A.A.'s who wish to work as individualsin these wider fields. It would be actually antisocial werewe to forbid them. We cannot declare A.A. such a closedcorporation that we keep our knowledge and experience topsecret. If an A.A. member acting as a citizen can become abetter researcher, educator, personnel officer, then why not?Everybody gains and we have lost nothing. True, some ofthe projects to which A.A.'s have attached themselves havebeen ill-conceived, but that makes not the slightest differ-ence with the principle involved.This is the exciting welter of events which has finallycast up A.A.'s Tradition of nonprofessionalism. Our TwelfthStep is never to be paid for. but those who labor in servicefor us are worthy of their hire. Tradition NineA.A., as such, ought never be organized;but we may create service boards or com-mittees directly responsible to those theyserve.WHEN Tradition Nine was first written, it said that Al-coholics Anonymous needs the least possible organization.In years since then, we have changed our minds about that.Today, we are able to say with assurance that AlcoholicsAnonymousA.A. as a wholeshould never be orga-nized at all. Then, in seeming contradiction, we proceed tocreate special service boards and committees which inthemselves are organized. How, then, can we have an unor-ganized movement which can and does create a serviceorganization for itself? Scanning this puzzler, people say,W h at do th ey m ean , n o organ i zati on ?Well, let's see. Did anyone ever hear of a nation, achurch, a political party, even a benevolent association thathad no membership rules? Did anyone ever hear of a soci-ety which couldn't somehow discipline its members andenforce obedience to necessary rules and regulations?Doesn't nearly every society on earth give authority tosome of its members to impose obedience upon the rest andto punish or expel offenders? Therefore, every nation, infact every form of society, has to be a government adminis-tered by human beings. Power to direct or govern is theessence of organization everywhere.172 TRADITION NINE173Yet Alcoholics Anonymous is an exception. It does notconform to this pattern. Neither its General Service Confer-ence, its Foundation Board,* n or the humblest groupcommittee can issue a single directive to an A.A. memberand make it stick, let alone mete out any punishment. We'vetried it lots of times, but utter failure is always the result.Groups have tried to expel members, but the banished havecome back to sit in the meeting place, saying, This is lifefor us; you can't keep us out. Com m i ttees h av e i n s tructedmany an A.A. to stop working on a chronic backslider, onlyto be told: How I do my Twelfth Step work is my busi-ness. Who are you to judge? This doesn't mean an A.A.won't take advice or suggestions from more experiencedmembers, but he surely won't take orders. Who is more un-popular than the oldtime A.A., full of wisdom, who movesto another area and tries to tell the group there how to runits business? He and all like him who view with alarm forthe good of A.A. meet the most stubborn resistance or,worse still, laughter.You might think A.A.'s headquarters in New Yorkwould be an exception. Surely, the people there would haveto have some authority. But long ago, trustees and staffmembers alike found they could do no more than makesuggestions, and very mild ones at that. They even had tocoin a couple of sentences which still go into half the lettersthey write: Of course, you are at perfect liberty to handlethis matter any way you please. But the majority experience*In 1954, the name of the Alcoholic Foundation, Inc., waschanged to the General Service Board of Alcoholics Anonymous,Inc., and the Foundation office is now the General Service Office. 174TRADITION NINEin A.A. does seem to suggest . . . Now, that attitude is farremoved from central government, isn't it? We recognizethat alcoholics can't be dictated toindividually or collec-tively.At this juncture, we can hear a churchman exclaim,Th ey are m aki n g di s ob edi en ce a v i rtue! He i s j oi n ed b y apsychiatrist who says, Def i an t b rats ! Th ey won ' t grow upand conform to social usage! Th e m an i n th e s treet s ay s , Idon't understand it. They must be nuts! But all these ob-servers have overlooked something unique in AlcoholicsAnonymous. Unless each A.A. member follows to the bestof his ability our suggested Twelve Steps to recovery, he al-most certainly signs his own death warrant. Hisdrunkenness and dissolution are not penalties inflicted bypeople in authority; they result from his personal disobedi-ence to spiritual principles.The same stern threat applies to the group itself. Unlessthere is approximate conformity to A.A.'s Twelve Tradi-tions, the group, too, can deteriorate and die. So we of A.A.do obey spiritual principles, first because we must, and ulti-mately because we love the kind of life such obediencebrings. Great suffering and great love are A.A.'s disciplinar-ians; we need no others.It is clear now that we ought never to name boards togovern us, but it is equally clear that we shall always needto authorize workers to serve us. It is the difference be-tween the spirit of vested authority and the spirit of service,two concepts which are sometimes poles apart. It is in thisspirit of service that we elect the A.A. group's informal ro-tating committee, the intergroup association for the area, TRADITION NINE175and the General Service Conferences of Alcoholics Anony-mous for A.A. as a whole. Even our Foundation, once anindependent board, is today directly accountable to our Fel-lowship. Its trustees are the caretakers and expediters of ourworld services.Just as the aim of each A.A. member is personal sobri-ety, the aim of our services is to bring sobriety within reachof all who want it. If nobody does the group's chores, if thearea's telephone rings unanswered, if we do not reply to ourmail, then A.A. as we know it would stop. Our communi-cations lines with those who need our help would bebroken.A.A. has to function, but at the same time it must avoidthose dangers of great wealth, prestige, and entrenchedpower which necessarily tempt other societies. Though Tra-dition Nine at first sight seems to deal with a purelypractical matter, in its actual operation it discloses a societywithout organization, animated only by the spirit of servicea true fellowship. Tradition TenAlcoholics Anonymous has no opinion onoutside issues; hence the A.A. name oughtnever be drawn into public controversy.NEVER since it began has Alcoholics Anonymous beendivided by a major controversial issue. Nor has our Fellow-ship ever publicly taken sides on any question in anembattled world. This, however, has been no earned virtue.It could almost be said that we were born with it, for, as oneoldtimer recently declared, Practically never have I hearda heated religious, political, or reform argument amongA.A. members. So long as we don't argue these matters pri-vately, it's a cinch we never shall publicly.As by some deep instinct, we A.A.'s have known fromthe very beginning that we must never, no matter what theprovocation, publicly take sides in any fight, even a worthyone. All history affords us the spectacle of striving nationsand groups finally torn asunder because they were designedfor, or tempted into, controversy. Others fell apart becauseof sheer self-righteousness while trying to enforce upon therest of mankind some millennium of their own specifica-tion. In our own times, we have seen millions die inpolitical and economic wars often spurred by religious andracial difference. We live in the imminent possibility of afresh holocaust to determine how men shall be governed,and how the products of nature and toil shall be divided176 TRADITION TEN177among them. That is the spiritual climate in which A.A.was born, and by God's grace has nevertheless flourished.Let us reemphasize that this reluctance to fight one an-other or anybody else is not counted as some special virtuewhich makes us feel superior to other people. Nor does itmean that the members of Alcoholics Anonymous, now re-stored as citizens of the world, are going to back away fromtheir individual responsibilities to act as they see the rightupon issues of our time. But when it comes to A.A. as awhole, that's quite a different matter. In this respect, we donot enter into public controversy, because we know that ourSociety will perish if it does. We conceive the survival andspread of Alcoholics Anonymous to be something of fargreater importance than the weight we could collectivelythrow back of any other cause. Since recovery from alco-holism is life itself to us, it is imperative that we preserve infull strength our means of survival.Maybe this sounds as though the alcoholics in A.A. hadsuddenly gone peaceable, and become one great big happyfamily. Of course, this isn't so at all. Human beings that weare, we squabble. Before we leveled off a bit, A.A. lookedmore like one prodigious squabble than anything else, atleast on the surface. A corporation director who had justvoted a company expenditure of a hundred thousand dol-lars would appear at an A.A. business meeting and blow histop over an outlay of twenty-five dollars' worth of neededpostage stamps. Disliking the attempt of some to manage agroup, half its membership might angrily rush off to formanother group more to their liking. Elders, temporarilyturned Pharisee, have sulked. Bitter attacks have been di- 178TRADITION TENrected against people suspected of mixed motives. Despitetheir din, our puny rows never did A.A. a particle of harm.They were just part and parcel of learning to work and livetogether. Let it be noted, too, that they were almost alwaysconcerned with ways to make A.A. more effective, how todo the most good for the most alcoholics.The Washingtonian Society, a movement among alco-holics which started in Baltimore a century ago, almostdiscovered the answer to alcoholism. At first, the societywas composed entirely of alcoholics trying to help one an-other. The early members foresaw that they should dedicatethemselves to this sole aim. In many respects, the Washing-tonians were akin to A.A. of today. Their membershippassed the hundred thousand mark. Had they been left tothemselves, and had they stuck to their one goal, they mighthave found the rest of the answer. But this didn't happen.Instead, the Washingtonians permitted politicians and re-formers, both alcoholic and nonalcoholic, to use the societyfor their own purposes. Abolition of slavery, for example,was a stormy political issue then. Soon, Washingtonianspeakers violently and publicly took sides on this question.Maybe the society could have survived the abolition con-troversy, but it didn't have a chance from the moment itdetermined to reform America's drinking habits. When theWashingtonians became temperance crusaders, within avery few years they had completely lost their effectivenessin helping alcoholics.The lesson to be learned from the Washingtonians wasnot overlooked by Alcoholics Anonymous. As we surveyedthe wreck of that movement, early A.A. members resolved TRADITION TEN179to keep our Society out of public controversy. Thus waslaid the cornerstone for Tradition Ten: Alcoholics Anony-mous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A.name ought never be drawn into public controversy. Tradition ElevenOur public relations policy is based on at-traction rather than promotion; we need al-ways maintain personal anonymity at thelevel of press, radio and films.WITHOUT its legions of well-wishers, A.A. could neverhave grown as it has. Throughout the world, immense andfavorable publicity of every description has been the princi-pal means of bringing alcoholics into our Fellowship. InA.A. offices, clubs, and homes, telephones ring constantly.One voice says, I read a piece in the newspapers . . .; an-other, We heard a radio program . . .; and still another,We saw a moving picture . . . or We saw somethingabout A.A. on television. . . . It is no exaggeration to saythat half of A.A.'s membership has been led to us throughchannels like these.The inquiring voices are not all alcoholics or their fami-lies. Doctors read medical papers about AlcoholicsAnonymous and call for more information. Clergymen seearticles in their church journals and also make inquiries.Employers learn that great corporations have set their ap-proval upon us, and wish to discover what can be doneabout alcoholism in their own firms.Therefore, a great responsibility fell upon us to developthe best possible public relations policy for AlcoholicsAnonymous. Through many painful experiences, we thinkwe have arrived at what that policy ought to be. It is the op-180 TRADITION ELEVEN181posite in many ways of usual promotional practice. Wefound that we had to rely upon the principle of attractionrather than of promotion.Let's see how these two contrasting ideasattractionand promotionwork out. A political party wishes to winan election, so it advertises the virtues of its leadership todraw votes. A worthy charity wants to raise money; forth-with, its letterhead shows the name of every distinguishedperson whose support can be obtained. Much of the politi-cal, economic, and religious life of the world is dependentupon publicized leadership. People who symbolize causesand ideas fill a deep human need. We of A.A. do not ques-tion that. But we do have to soberly face the fact that beingin the public eye is hazardous, especially for us. By temper-ament, nearly every one of us had been an irrepressiblepromoter, and the prospect of a society composed almostentirely of promoters was frightening. Considering this ex-plosive factor, we knew we had to exercise self-restraint.The way this restraint paid off was startling. It resultedin more favorable publicity of Alcoholics Anonymous thancould possibly have been obtained through all the arts andabilities of A.A.'s best press agents. Obviously, A.A. had tobe publicized somehow, so we resorted to the idea that itwould be far better to let our friends do this for us. Preciselythat has happened, to an unbelievable extent. Veteran news-men, trained doubters that they are, have gone all out tocarry A.A.'s message. To them, we are something morethan the source of good stories. On almost every newsfront,the men and women of the press have attached themselvesto us as friends. 182TRADITION ELEVENIn the beginning, the press could not understand our re-fusal of all personal publicity. They were genuinely baffledby our insistence upon anonymity. Then they got the point.Here was something rare in the worlda society whichsaid it wished to publicize its principles and its work, butnot its individual members. The press was delighted withthis attitude. Ever since, these friends have reported A.A.with an enthusiasm which the most ardent members wouldfind hard to match.There was actually a time when the press of Americathought the anonymity of A.A. was better for us than someof our own members did. At one point, about a hundred ofour Society were breaking anonymity at the public level.With perfectly good intent, these folks declared that theprinciple of anonymity was horse-and-buggy stuff, some-thing appropriate to A.A.'s pioneering days. They were surethat A.A. could go faster and farther if it availed itself ofmodern publicity methods. A.A., they pointed out, includedmany persons of local, national, or international fame. Pro-vided they were willingand many werewhy shouldn'ttheir membership be publicized, thereby encouraging oth-ers to join us? These were plausible arguments, but happilyour friends of the writing profession disagreed with them.The Foundation* wrote letters to practically every newsoutlet in North America, setting forth our public relationspolicy of attraction rather than promotion, and emphasizingSince that time, editors and rewrite men have repeatedlydeleted names and pictures of members from A.A. copy;frequently, they have reminded ambitious individuals ofA.A.'s anonymity policy. They have even sacrificed good TRADITION ELEVEN183stories to this end. The force of their cooperation has cer-tainly helped. Only a few A.A. members are left whodeliberately break anonymity at the public level.This, in brief, is the process by which A.A.'s TraditionEleven was constructed. To us, however, it represents farmore than a sound public relations policy. It is more than adenial of self-seeking. This Tradition is a constant and prac-tical reminder that personal ambition has no place in A.A.In it, each member becomes an active guardian of our Fel-lowship. Tradition TwelveAnonymity is the spiritual foundation of allour traditions, ever reminding us to placeprinciples before personalities.THE s p i r i t u al substance of anonymity is sacrifice. Be-cause A.A.'s Twelve Traditions repeatedly ask us to give uppersonal desires for the common good, we realize that thesacrificial spiritwell symbolized by anonymityis thefoundation of them all. It is A.A.'s proved willingness tomake these sacrifices that gives people their high confi-dence in our future.But in the beginning, anonymity was not born of confi-dence; it was the child of our early fears. Our first namelessgroups of alcoholics were secret societies. New prospectscould find us only through a few trusted friends. The barehint of publicity, even for our work, shocked us. Thoughex-drinkers, we still thought we had to hide from publicdistrust and contempt.When the Big Book appeared in 1939, we called it Al-coholics Anonymous. Its foreword made this revealingstatement: It is important that we remain anonymous be-cause we are too few, at present, to handle theoverwhelming number of personal appeals which may re-sult from this publication. Being mostly business orprofessional folk, we could not well carry on our occupa-tions in such an event. Between these lines, it is easy toread our fear that large numbers of incoming people mightbreak our anonymity wide open.184 TRADITION TWELVE185As the A.A. groups multiplied, so did anonymity prob-lems. Enthusiastic over the spectacular recovery of abrother alcoholic, we'd sometimes discuss those intimateand harrowing aspects of his case meant for his sponsor'sear alone. The aggrieved victim would then tightly declarethat his trust had been broken. When such stories got intocirculation outside of A.A., the loss of confidence in ouranonymity promise was severe. It frequently turned peoplefrom us. Clearly, every A.A. member's nameand story,toohad to be confidential, if he wished. This was our firstlesson in the practical application of anonymity.With characteristic intemperance, however, some of ournewcomers cared not at all for secrecy. They wanted toshout A.A. from the housetops, and did, Alcoholics barelydry rushed about bright-eyed, buttonholing anyone whowould listen to their stories. Others hurried to place themselves before microphones and cameras. Sometimes, theygot distressingly drunk and let their groups down with abang. They had changed from A.A. members into A.A.show-offs.This phenomenon of contrast really set us thinking.Squarely before us was the question How anonymousshould an A.A. member be? Our growth m ade i t pl ai n th atwe couldn't be a secret society, but it was equally plain thatwe couldn't be a vaudeville circuit, either. The charting of asafe path between these extremes took a long time.As a rule, the average newcomer wanted his family toknow immediately what he was trying to do. He also want-ed to tell others who had tried to help himhis doctor, hisminister, and close friends. As he gained confidence, he felt 186TRADITION TWELVEit right to explain his new way of life to his employer andbusiness associates. When opportunities to be helpful camealong, he found he could talk easily about A.A. to almostanyone. These quiet disclosures helped him to lose his fearof the alcoholic stigma, and spread the news of A.A.'s exis-tence in his community. Many a new man and womancame to A.A. because of such conversations. Though not inthe strict letter of anonymity, such communications werewell within its spirit.But it became apparent that the word-of-mouth methodwas too limited. Our work, as such, needed to be publi-cized. The A.A. groups would have to reach quickly asmany despairing alcoholics as they could. Consequently,many groups began to hold meetings which were open tointerested friends and the public, so that the average citizencould see for himself just what A.A. was all about. The re-sponse to these meetings was warmly sympathetic. Soon,groups began to receive requests for A.A. speakers to ap-pear before civic organizations, church groups, and medicalsocieties. Provided anonymity was maintained on theseplatforms, and reporters present were cautioned against theuse of names or pictures, the result was fine.Then came our first few excursions into major publicity,which were breathtaking. Cleveland's Plain Dealer articlesabout us ran that town's membership from a few into hun-dreds overnight. The news stories of Mr. Rockefeller'sdinner for Alcoholics Anonymous helped double our totalmembership in a year's time. Jack Alexander's famous Sat-urday Evening Post piece made A.A. a national institution.Such tributes as these brought opportunities for still more TRADITION TWELVE187recognition. Other newspapers and magazines wanted A.A.stories. Film companies wanted to photograph us. Radio,and finally television, besieged us with requests for appear-ances. What should we do?As this tide offering top public approval swept in, werealized that it could do us incalculable good or great harm.Everything would depend upon how it was channeled. Wesimply couldn't afford to take the chance of letting self-ap-pointed members present themselves as messiahsrepresenting A.A. before the whole public. The promoterinstinct in us might be our undoing. If even one publicly gotdrunk, or was lured into using A.A.'s name for his own pur-poses, the damage might be irreparable. At this altitude(press, radio, films, and television), anonymity100 per-cent anonymitywas the only possible answer. Here,principles would have to come before personalities, withoutexception.These experiences taught us that anonymity is real hu-mility at work. It is an all-pervading spiritual quality whichtoday keynotes A.A. life everywhere. Moved by the spiritof anonymity, we try to give up our natural desires for per-sonal distinction as A.A. members both among fellowalcoholics and before the general public. As we lay asidethese very human aspirations, we believe that each of ustakes part in the weaving of a protective mantle which cov-ers our whole Society and under which we may grow andwork in unity.We are sure that humility, expressed by anonymity, isthe greatest safeguard that Alcoholics Anonymous can everhave.  TraditionsLong Form(The Twelve Traditions)Our A.A. experience has taught us that:OneEach member of Alcoholics Anonymous is but asmall part of a great whole. A.A. must continue to live ormost of us will surely die. Hence our common welfarecomes first. But individual welfare follows close afterward.TwoFor our group purpose there is but one ultimate au-thoritya loving God as He may express Himself in ourgroup conscience. ThreeOur membership ought to include all who sufferfrom alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish torecover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend on mon-ey or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gatheredtogether for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group,provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. FourWith respect to its own affairs, each A.A. groupshould be responsible to no other authority other than itsown conscience. But when its plans concern the welfare ofneighboring groups also, those groups ought to be consult-ed. And no group, regional committee, or individual shouldever take any action that might greatly affect A.A. as awhole without conferring with the trustees of the GeneralService Board. On such issues our common welfare isparamount.189 190TRADITIONSLONG FORMFiveEach Alcoholics Anonymous group ought to be aspiritual entity having but one primary purposethat ofcarrying its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.SixProblems of money, property, and authority may eas-ily divert us from our primary spiritual aim. We think,therefore, that any considerable property of genuine use toA.A. should be separately incorporated and managed, thusdividing the material from the spiritual. An A.A. group, assuch, should never go into business. Secondary aids to A.A.such as clubs or hospitals which require much property oradministration, ought to be incorporated and so set apartthat, if necessary, they can be freely discarded by thegroups. Hence such facilities ought not to use the A.A.name. Their management should be the sole responsibilityof those people who financially support them. For clubs,A.A. managers are usually preferred. But hospitals, as wellas other places of recuperation, ought to be well outsideA.A.and medically supervised. While an A.A. groupmay cooperate with anyone, such cooperation ought neverto go so far as affiliation or endorsement, actual or implied.An A.A. group can bind itself to no one.SevenThe A.A. groups themselves ought to be fully sup-ported by the voluntary contributions of their ownmembers. We think that each group should soon achievethis ideal; that any public solicitation of funds using thename of Alcoholics Anonymous is highly dangerouswhether by groups, clubs, hospitals, or other outside agen-cies, that acceptance of large gifts from any source, or ofcontributions carrying any obligation whatever, is unwise. TRADITIONSLONG FORM191Then, too, we view with much concern those A.A. trea-suries which continue, beyond prudent reserves, toaccumulate funds for no stated A.A. purpose. Experiencehas often warned us that nothing can so surely destroy ourspiritual heritage as futile disputes over property, money,and authority. EightAlcoholics Anonymous should remain forevernonprofessional. We define professionalism as the occupa-tion of counseling alcoholics for fees or hire. But we mayemploy alcoholics where they are going to perform thoseservices for which we might otherwise have to engage non-alcoholics. Such special services may be wellrecompensed. But our usual A.A. Twelfth Step work isnever to be paid for.NineEach A.A. group needs the least possible organiza-tion. Rotating leadership is the best. The small group mayelect its secretary, the large group its rotating committee,and the groups of a large metropolitan area their central orintergroup committee, which often employs a full-time sec-retary. The trustees of the General Service Board are, ineffect, our A.A. General Service Committee. They are thecustodians of our A.A. Tradition and the receivers of volun-tary A.A. contributions by which we maintain our A.A.General Service Office in New York. They are authorizedby the groups to handle our overall public relations, andthey guarantee the integrity of our principal newspaper, theA.A. Grapevine. All such representatives are to be guidedin the spirit of service, for true leaders in A.A. are but trust-ed and experienced servants of the whole. They derive no 192TRADITIONSLONG FORMreal authority from their titles; they do not govern. Univer-sal respect is the key to their usefulness.TenNo A.A. group or member should ever, in such away as to implicate A.A., express any opinion on outsidecontroversial issuesparticularly those of politics, alcoholreform, or sectarian religion. The Alcoholics Anonymousgroups oppose no one. Concerning such matters they canexpress no views whatsoever. ElevenOur relations with the general public should becharacterized by personal anonymity. We think A.A. shouldavoid sensational advertising. Our names and pictures asA.A. members ought not be broadcast, filmed, or publiclyprinted. Our public relations should be guided by the prin-ciple of attraction rather than promotion. There is neverneed to praise ourselves. We feel it better that our friendsrecommend us. TwelveAnd finally, we of Alcoholics Anonymous be-lieve that the principle of anonymity has an immensespiritual significance. It reminds us that we are to placeprinciples before personalities; that we are to practice agenuine humility. This to the end that our great blessingsmay never spoil us; that we shall forever live in thankfulcontemplation of Him who presides over us all.", "source": {"title": "AA-12-Steps-12-Traditions.pdf", "extraction_date": "2024-12-22T15:50:10.499533", "total_pages": 194}, "section_index": 0, "qa_type": "aa_specific", "timestamp": "2024-12-22T15:50:12.844802"}