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+{
+ "title": "Peninei Halakhah, Simchat Habayit U'Virkhato",
+ "language": "en",
+ "versionTitle": "merged",
+ "versionSource": "https://www.sefaria.org/Peninei_Halakhah,_Simchat_Habayit_U'Virkhato",
+ "text": {
+ "Introduction": [
+ "1. When the present volume, Simḥat Ha-bayit U-virkhato, was first published in Hebrew five years ago, it posed a dilemma that we had not faced before. On one hand, it is very much a part of the Peninei Halakha series in terms of its style and its general approach to Jewish law. On the other hand, it treats topics that, due to considerations of modesty, are not usually addressed in public. At the time, we decided to publish it as a stand-alone volume and not include it in Hebrew sets of Peninei Halakha. God willing, when there are enough English volumes of Peninei Halakha to release as a set, we will have to decide whether to include this volume therein. The book is titled “Simḥat Ha-bayit U-virkhato” (“The Joy and Blessing of the Home”) because it explains the mitzva of ona – marital intimacy and its attendant rights and duties – and the essence of the mitzva is simḥa – joy – as the Sages refer to it as “simḥat ona” (Pesaḥim 72b; Avoda Zara 5a). “Bayit”, “the home”, refers to the family, while “Birkhato”, “blessing”, refers to the mitzva to procreate, a mitzva that this book treats extensively. These two mitzvot, ona and procreation, are linked to one another, as one is fulfilled by means of the other.",
+ "Originally, I thought that if I ever had the privilege to write about these issues, I would do so in my old age, with the hope that I would be less bashful about it. However, over the last few years, my wife and I have become aware of the lack of proper guidance available to engaged couples and newlyweds. The absence of proper guidance leads to needless pain and frustration precisely where there should be joy and love. Pre-wedding classes spend a great deal of time on the details of the laws of nidda and their precautionary distancing measures (harḥakot) while giving very short shrift to the mitzva of ona. My wife likes to illustrate the problem with the following comparison. Imagine that a young woman approaches an older woman and asks to be taught how to cook for Shabbat. The older woman agrees and teaches her how to sift flour, how to check vegetables and legumes for bugs, and how to check eggs for bloodspots. She explains that the laws of meat and milk have relevance not only to cooking but even to cutting onions. She goes over the laws concerning bishul akum, ḥalav akum, and gelatin. She concludes with advice about buying food that meets the highest kosher standards. She leaves out only one thing: how to cook tasty food that makes Shabbat enjoyable. Moreover, she mistakenly believes that keeping kosher (which, of course, is very important) automatically results in enjoying Shabbat. That the food is undercooked and bland is no problem at all for her, for she believes that our purpose in life is to suffer to sanctify God’s name. Similarly, there are pre-wedding teachers who tell brides- and grooms-to-be that keeping the laws of family purity in all their complexity results automatically in a holy home. It is true that the laws of family purity are a prerequisite for the mitzva of ona, but it is the intimate connection and joy associated with the mitzva of ona that give expression to life’s holiness.",
+ "The problem we have described leads to a terrible disconnection between holiness and life, truth and goodness, duty and joy. This breach was meant to be mended through the general mitzva to “love your fellow as yourself” as well as the specific mitzva of ona. So in the winter of 5774 (2013-2014), I found the necessary courage to write about the laws of ona and the reasons behind them. This naturally led me to clarify the laws pertaining to procreation as well. This book was thus written first and foremost for rabbis and teachers of pre-wedding classes to brides- and grooms-to-be, though it is also for couples who want their family lives to be illuminated by the guidance, happiness, and light of the Torah.",
+ "I freely admit that some of my teachers and friends advised me to forgo writing and publishing this material, or at least make it less explicit. Most of them were worried about the fallout for me, and a few felt that it is inappropriate to elaborate in writing about intimate topics. But there is much misunderstanding and misinformation circulating among the general public, which casts our holy Torah in a negative light, as if its goal is to minimize the joy of ona. Therefore, I felt it necessary to present the position of our holy Torah clearly, in accordance with the Sages and poskim. Doing so will protect our holy Torah from this slander, and will also protect our dear couples, men and women, from the pain and inadequacy caused by the misinformation. It is worth noting that the distortions of our Torah result from misunderstanding our Sages, Zohar, and kabbalists. These misunderstandings can be traced to the influence of views, espoused by classic Christianity, that consider celibacy an ideal.",
+ "To dispel these distortions of the Torah, it seems that I have to disregard the advice of my friends and publish the material. Yet I remain concerned that what I write might be understood only partially and superficially by those who are not familiar with the world of Torah and halakha. My primary goal is for this book to be studied within batei midrash and within holy and modest Jewish homes. Through the relief and joy that will enter these homes thanks to the Torah’s guidance, the holy light of the Jewish people will burst through like the dawn. With God’s help, the book will circulate, and its ideas will spread slowly but steadily, bringing healing and joy to the whole world.",
+ " ",
+ " ",
+ "2. I would like to take this opportunity to thank Rav Maor Cayam, who teaches in Yeshivat Har Bracha, and who was involved and supportive throughout. With his talents and diligence, he greatly expanded the scope of the sources, which helped clarify various topics and served as a basis for many of the central ideas of the book. He also worked very hard preparing the supplemental volume (Harḥavot), which provides further sources and explanations of the material. I would also like to thank R. Bar’el Shevach, who helped to clarify many issues.",
+ "I am grateful to the following rabbis, who kindly agreed to review the first chapters and added their comments. Rav Yoel Katan, who was my adviser in my youth, and his wife, Dr. Hanna Katan, who is a gynecologist, are experts in the subjects of this book and contributed to it. Rav Yehoshua Shapira, head of the hesder yeshiva in Ramat Gan, contributed as well. He and his wife together guide couples in the paths of holiness and happiness, helping them to cope with the range of difficulties that may arise. Rav Yehuda Brandes made enlightening and edifying comments to the first chapters. He also encouraged me by reminding me what the Sages say about King Solomon: Shlomo wrote Shir Ha-shirim when he was young, Mishlei when he was middle-aged, and Kohelet when he was old (Shir Ha-shirim Rabba 1:10); evidently, the Sages did not feel that it was necessary to delay writing about sexual matters until one is old. I especially want to thank my brother, Rav Yisrael Melamed. In addition to his educational work, he is also a couples’ therapist and helps couples with difficulties related to fulfilling the mitzva of ona. His enlightening, insightful, and in-depth comments on the first four chapters were extremely helpful.",
+ "I thank all the teachers of the yeshiva. In addition to reviewing and commenting upon these chapters, they also came with years of experience teaching students and alumni in preparation for their weddings. This experience helped clarify in depth many topics dealt with in this book. Thanks to Rav Ido Elba for his comments on the chapters dealing with the mitzva of procreation. Thanks to Rav Shmuel Ariel as well.",
+ "Special thanks to Rav Yonadav Zar, who studied the halakhot in depth and copy-edited the entire book. Thanks to R. Maor Horowitz, who clarified sources and was responsible for the final editing and preparing the book for publication. Thanks to R. Netanel Rosenstein for writing the index. I am also grateful to R. Yaakov Weinberger, the yeshiva’s administrator, and his predecessors R. Yaakov Katz (Ketzaleh) and R. Dudu Sa’ada. Thanks, too, to Keren Fogel and Yohanan Lisha, who were responsible for printing and marketing the book.
It is not easy to translate halakha with precision and clarity, and the difficulty is compounded when writing about sensitive issues. As such, Atira Ote’s initial translation went through no less than four layers of editing, by Dr. Yocheved Cohen, Rav Elli Fischer, Nechama Unterman, and Rav Maor Cayam. I am grateful to all of them for producing the work before you.",
+ "Last but not least, I thank the residents of Har Bracha and the alumni of the yeshiva, with whom my wife and I have studied this material. Their questions and insights helped us clarify many issues addressed in the book. “I learned much from my rabbis, even more from my friends, and most of all from my students” (Ta’anit 7a).",
+ "3. The relationship between God and the Jewish people is compared to that of a bride and groom (1:5-6 below). The anguish associated with the destruction of the Temple cast a shadow over the joy of marital intimacy (3:15 below). Now, though, we are experiencing the ingathering of the exiles and the rebuilding of Eretz Yisrael. Alongside this process of the ingathering of exiles and upbuilding of Eretz Yisrael, we are privileged to witness the opening of the gates of peace, happiness, and blessing before the precious couples who are building their homes with holiness.",
+ "May it be God’s will that we merit the realization of the words of the prophet: For the sake of Zion I will not be silent, and for the sake of Jerusalem I will not be still, until her righteousness emerges resplendent, and her salvation blazes like a torch…. No longer will you be called “Azuva” (“Forsaken”) nor shall your land be called “Shemama” (“Desolate”). Rather, you shall be called “Ḥeftzi-bah” (“I-delight-in-her”) and your land “Be’ula” (“Espoused”). For the Lord delights in you, and your land shall be espoused. As a youth espouses a maiden, your sons will espouse you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you. (Yeshayahu 62:1, 4-5)",
+ "The mitzva of ona will then reach its perfect fulfillment:",
+ "I will betroth you forever; I will betroth you with righteousness and in justice, and with goodness and mercy. And I will betroth you with faithfulness; then you shall know the Lord. On that day I will respond (e’eneh), declares the Lord, I will respond (e’eneh) to the heavens, and they shall respond (ya’anu) to the earth. And the earth shall respond (ta’aneh) with new grain and wine and oil, and they shall respond (ya’anu) to Jezreel. I will seed her in the land as My own; and I shall have compassion on Lo-Ruḥama (No-Compassion); and I will say to Lo-Ami (Not-My-People), “You are My people,” and he will respond, “My God.” (Hoshea 2:18-25)",
+ "It is my sincere hope that this little book will add much joy and blessing into couples’ lives.",
+ "Eliezer Melamed",
+ "Sivan 5779 "
+ ],
+ "": [
+ [
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Importance of the Mitzva",
+ "A complete person is one who lives in a joyful and loving marriage. A man is not complete without his wife, and a woman is not complete without her husband. The essence of their union is expressed through the mitzva of ona (marital sexual relations), through which they become completely united, in body and spirit, making their marriage whole. The mitzva must be fulfilled with passion and ecstasy, the husband trying to bring his wife as much joy and pleasure as possible, and the wife trying to bring her husband as much joy and pleasure as possible (below, 2:1-5). For this reason, the mitzva is referred to as simḥat ona, the joy of marital sexual relations. There is no greater joy in this world; it is a foretaste of the euphoria of the World to Come (below, 1:7-8).",
+ "Through the framework of marriage, a person can achieve the ultimate fulfillment of the mitzva to “love your fellow as yourself” (Vayikra 19:18), which R. Akiva calls “a major principle of the Torah” (Sifra ad loc.). It is only between spouses that love is expressed in all aspects of life, spiritual and physical alike. Thus, when a married couple lives together lovingly, each loving the other no less than they love themselves and desiring to bring joy to the other no less than they want for themselves, they fulfill the entire Torah in a concentrated form (Arizal, Sefer Ha-likutim, Ekev).",
+ "So powerful is the mitzva of ona that its fulfillment brings the Shekhina (Divine Presence) to dwell with the couple. As R. Akiva expounds: “If husband and wife are worthy, the Shekhina is with them; if they are not, fire consumes them” (Sota 17a). ",
+ "Moreover, it is through this sacred mitzva that the couple can fulfill the mitzva of procreation (pru u-revu), which makes them God’s partners in the creation of a new life. As the Sages said, “There are three partners in the creation of a person: God, the father, and the mother” (Nidda 31a).",
+ "When a marriage founders because the husband suspects the wife of infidelity, the Torah prescribes (Bamidbar 5:11-31) the “sota” procedure, which includes writing God’s name on parchment and placing it in a potion that is administered to the wife. Under normal circumstances, erasing God’s name is a grave transgression, yet God commands us to erase His sacred name in order to repair and bring peace to a marriage (Nedarim 66b). Indeed, erasing the written name of God allows His name to inhere in their marital life.",
+ "Marriage is so paramount that the Sages say, “Any man without a wife is not considered a man” (Yevamot 63a); and “Any man without a wife lives without joy, without blessing, without goodness, without Torah, without fortification, and without peace” (ibid. 62b). A woman without a husband lacks all these as well. And since the mitzva of ona is the fundamental expression of a marriage, all of these advantages are thus directly connected to this mitzva (below, 4:8).",
+ "Since the foundation of the relationship between husband and wife is so important, the drive associated with it is likewise exceptionally powerful. God has given people freedom of choice: when a person directs the sex drive positively, toward the proper fulfillment of the mitzva of ona, there is nothing greater; when it is channeled negatively, there is nothing worse (below, 3:1-2)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Principles of the Mitzva of Ona",
+ "The mitzva of ona is for the husband to couple with his wife, in an atmosphere of love and ecstasy, and to pleasure her as best he can, until her ecstasy climaxes in orgasm; he remains coupled with her until he ejaculates inside her vagina (see also below, 2:1). This is the meaning of the verse “He shall not withhold her food, her clothing, or her conjugal rights” (Shemot 21:10). Since the husband’s physical capacity is limited, the frequency of the mitzva is determined by what his physical capacity and professional responsibilities make possible. Those who are in good health and who live comfortably without having to exert themselves too much must fulfill the mitzva of ona daily. Ordinary laborers are obligated twice a week. Men whose work requires them to leave home are required to fulfill this mitzva once a week. In addition, if either spouse desires intimacy, the other spouse must be responsive (below, 2:7-8).",
+ "This mitzva is the essence and foundation of marriage. A man who does not perform this mitzva in order to cause his wife pain is in violation of the Torah prohibition, “He shall not withhold…her conjugal rights.” If he does not perform it out of simple negligence, but does not intend to hurt his wife, he violates a rabbinic prohibition. Some say that even in such a case, he violates a Torah prohibition.",
+ "Moreover, through the mitzva of ona, husband and wife fulfill the mitzva to “love your fellow as yourself” in its most perfect form: each of them looks out for the other’s well-being as best they can. And since the greatest pleasure that people can experience in this world is connected to the mitzva of ona, a man who deprives his wife of this joy and pleasure oppresses her, since no one but him can bring her this joy. Likewise, a woman who deprives her husband of this joy and pleasure oppresses him, for no one else can fill this void for him (2:1 below).",
+ "Dereliction of this mitzva is the principal grounds for divorce. If a husband declares that his wife repulses him and that he has no interest in sexual relations with her and bringing her pleasure as often as duty requires, she is entitled to file for divorce and to receive the compensation specified in her ketuba (marriage contract). Even if the husband is willing to couple with her but adds, “I cannot unless we are both clothed,” he must divorce her and pay the ketuba, since he is unwilling to couple with her lovingly, with no barrier between them. Similarly, if a wife does not consent to sexual relations with her husband at the frequency specified, or is only willing if she remains clothed, he has the right to divorce her without paying her ketuba (Ketubot 48a; SA EH 76:13). Spouses who refuse to keep to the specified frequencies are called “rebellious,” for they are rebelling against the sacred duty they accepted on themselves when they married (Ketubot 63a; SA EH 77; see below ch. 2, sections 7-8, 11-12, and n. 6)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Meaning of the Word “Ona”",
+ "The Torah states, “He shall not withhold she’erah, kesutah, or onatah” (Shemot 21:10). Ramban (ad loc.), following one view in Ketubot (48a), interprets she’erah to refer to flesh-to-flesh contact during intimacy, kesutah to refer to the bed and bedding used by the couple during intimacy, and onatah to refer to the conjugal act itself. Rashi (ad loc.), following a different view in Ketubot (loc. cit.), interprets she’erah as “her food,” kesutah as “her clothing,” and onatah as the conjugal act. We see that all agree that the mitzva of ona is the essence of marriage, as it gives expression to the couple’s complete love for one another.",
+ "While all agree that the husband is obligated on a Torah level to provide for his wife sexually, there is disagreement about his obligation to provide her with food and clothing. According to one view, this obligation is not stated explicitly in the Torah, but the Sages ordained so, because without these basic needs a couple cannot truly enjoy the mitzva of ona. Moreover, a key component of true love for one’s spouse is a very deep-rooted feeling of responsibility for their well-being and best interest. Thus, it is inconceivable that a husband who truly loves his wife would not make sure to feed and clothe her; if he does not do so, clearly there is no real love in their sexual relations. According to the other view, the Torah itself explicitly mandates that the husband see to his wife’s food and clothing. Even though the mitzva of ona is the most profound expression of a marriage, a wholesome relationship must, by definition, include his full responsibility for her food and clothing.",
+ "The word ona has three meanings:
1. Time or season: This mitzva is fulfilled at intervals dictated by the husband’s stamina and the demands of his job (Ramban and Ibn Ezra on Shemot 21:10).
2. Torment (inui), and its opposite, responsiveness and reciprocity (hei’anut): When a man separates from his wife, he torments her. As Lavan said to Yaakov, “…if you torment (te’aneh) my daughters” (Bereishit 31:50), which the Sages interpret to mean, “If you separate from them and do not provide them with ona.” This also explains why on Yom Kippur, when we are commanded to afflict ourselves (lehitanot), we must refrain from sexual relations (Yoma 77b and Rosh ad loc.; Ketubot 47b and Tosafot and Ritva ad loc.). Similarly, the rape of a woman by a man is called inui, as we read, “Shechem the son of Ḥamor the Ḥivite, chief of the country, saw her and took her; he slept with her and tormented her (va–ye’aneha)” (Bereishit 34:2). In stark contrast to inui, the mitzva of ona is to couple with joy and pleasure, each responding to the other. Ona thus means responsiveness (hei’anut) and the prevention of torment (inui).",
+ "Both of these interpretations have halakhic significance. First, a husband is obligated to have relations with his wife at fixed intervals that depend on his job and stamina. Second, their sexual union should be a joy-filled responsiveness that expresses their passionate love.",
+ "3. Home: The Rishonim further wrote that the word ona is related to ma’on, a dwelling or home, meaning that the husband must provide his wife with a place to live (Menaḥem b. Saruk, as cited by Ibn Ezra and Ḥizkuni on Shemot 21:10). This interpretation also has deep significance for the mitzva of ona: when husband and wife unite sexually, the husband arrives at his domicile, his home. Similarly, when the verse instructs “Rejoice – you and your house” (Devarim 14:26), the Sages explain that this means “you and your wife.” Rabbi Yosi likewise stated: “Never in my life have I referred to my wife as ‘my wife’; rather, I refer to her as ‘my home’” (Shabbat 118b).",
+ "The Sages refer to this mitzva as “derekh eretz,” the “way of the world,” since every man should naturally love his wife, desire to make love to her, and bring her as much joy and pleasure as he can. Likewise, every woman should naturally love her husband, yearn for him to make love to her, and bring him joy and pleasure as much as she can. God created humans to want this by nature. One who does not feel this yearning is physically or psychologically unhealthy. The goal of the mitzva is to channel, sublimate, and sanctify nature, not to negate the spontaneous feelings through which the mitzva is fulfilled (below, 2:4). The frequency of the mitzva is likewise determined by the “way of the world,” that is, by the reality of the couple’s circumstances (as explained in 2:6-7)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Mitzva of Ona Is Independent of Procreation",
+ "Another mitzva, the mitzva of procreation (pru u-revu) is fulfilled by means of the mitzva of ona. This, too, demonstrates the greatness of the mitzva of ona, as through it a man and woman become privileged to partner with God in creating a new human being. Nevertheless, the mitzva of ona is not dependent upon the mitzva of pru u-revu. Ona applies even when there is no chance that the sexual union will lead to pregnancy, such as when the woman is already pregnant or nursing, has reached menopause, or is infertile.",
+ "The Sages say that the greater the joy accompanying the mitzva of ona, the finer the character of the future children (Eruvin 100b; below, 2:5). In contrast, if the couple’s sexual union lacks devotion and love, imperfections may manifest in the resulting children (Nedarim 20b, explained below in 2:13).",
+ "Similarly, R. Yitzḥak Aboab writes: “When husband and wife love each other, have intercourse when at peace with each other, and have intent to produce worthy offspring, God grants their wish and gives them worthy children” (Menorat Ha-ma’or, ner 3, klal 6, ḥelek 2).",
+ "The sages of the Jewish mystical tradition said that every act of marital sexual union undertaken in sanctity and love infuses the world with more life and blessing. R. Yeshayahu Horowitz writes in his classic Shnei Luḥot Ha-brit (Shlah, Sha’ar Ha-otiyot, Kedushat Ha-zivug §402):Each and every act of intercourse, when undertaken in sanctity, will have a positive impact. Even if the wife does not conceive…[the husband] is not wasting seed; rather, a holy soul comes into existence as a result…. For a soul comes into being with every act of intercourse, and the offspring of others are then endowed with these souls…. This is why Avraham could sleep with Sarah even though she was barren. It was not, God forbid, a waste.
Zohar explains that the perfect love and devotion that infused the intimate relations of these two righteous people, Avraham and Sarah, led to the creation of souls in the supernal realms, which then descended to this world, and with which children of various families were endowed. When those children grew up, they were drawn to Avraham and Sarah, who converted them to faith in God. These are the souls referred to in the verse (Bereishit 12:5): “The souls they created in Ḥaran” (Zohar III 168a).",
+ "Thus, even if a couple has not been blessed with children, when they lovingly and devotedly have sexual relations they become partners in bringing the souls of children into this world. To understand this, we must bear in mind that the process by which souls descend into the world is complicated by many phases and various aspects, which means that several couples can have a part in drawing a single soul into the world (see below, 8:6.)",
+ "It is also worth adding that even after a couple has finished having children, by lovingly and joyfully having sexual relations they add life and blessing to all worlds, especially those that are connected to the deepest root of their souls. Thus, any sexual union undertaken in sanctity and passion draws greater illumination and blessing into the souls of their children.",
+ "Another important point: A widower who has children and for whom it will be difficult to remarry a woman who is still fertile has a mitzva to marry a woman who will not bear children, for being married is the most wholesome human state. Moreover, he will thus be able to fulfill the mitzva of ona and refrain from sinful thoughts (Yevamot 61b; below, 4:8)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Revealing the Ultimate Unity",
+ "In order to more fully understand the sanctity of this mitzva, we must first explain that God wished to benefit humanity. He created the world incomplete, to provide people with the opportunity to perfect it and make it a better, happier place, and thereby to merit becoming God’s partner in everything good in the world and experiencing complete happiness in it.",
+ "The greatest shortcoming in all of creation is detachment. The one God indeed created everything, but because He concealed His light, all creatures are detached from Him, and consequently from one another. Each creature looks out only for itself, thus leading to all the world’s strife, discord, conflict, and war. It is for this reason that this world is called “the world of detachment” and “the world of deception.” The unity at the root of all goes unacknowledged, thus leading to all the evil in the world. The fundamental principle of the Jewish faith is therefore belief in God’s unity, that there is one God and no other.",
+ "This is also why the mitzva of settling in Eretz Yisrael, which links heaven and earth, is so important. The most fundamental detachment is that between heaven and earth, as expressed in the detachment between the spirit and matter, between vision and reality, between Creator and creation. Through the mitzva of settling Eretz Yisrael, it becomes revealed that God reigns over both heaven and earth, and that all earthly matters are connected to holiness. The Sages therefore say: “Anyone who lives in Eretz Yisrael is likened to one who has a God, while anyone who lives outside of Eretz Yisrael is likened to one who has no God…and who worships idols” (Ketubot 110b; see below, 3:15).",
+ "The value of unity also underlies the extraordinary significance of the mitzva to “love your fellow as yourself” (Vayikra 19:18), which R. Akiva calls “a major principle of the Torah” (Sifra ad loc.).",
+ "We are now in position to understand the great importance of the mitzva of sexual union between husband and wife, as it is the most perfect fulfillment of the mitzva to “love your fellow as yourself,” and it expresses the greatest possible unity, the complete union of two different individuals. The unity is achieved on two levels: it unites husband and wife, and it unites body and soul. Often, the body and the soul are in conflict. The soul longs for good, and the body is drawn to evil; the soul desires eternity, while the body focuses on the fleeting present. The mitzva of ona brings body and soul together, transforming even the evil inclination to good. Through this mitzva, the sublime ideas of faithfulness and unity combine with the greatest physical pleasure. The moral value of absolute devotion combines with the greatest joy (see Zohar I 49a; III 81a-b; Bereishit Rabba 9:7, below, 3:13; Maharal, Gevurot Hashem ch. 43)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Importance of the Sexual Union of Husband and Wife",
+ "The sexual union and unification of husband and wife is so marvelous that it serves as a metaphor for the supernal union of God and the Jewish people, as we read: “As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you” (Yeshayahu 62:5). Similarly, R. Akiva says, “No other day was as precious as the day the Jews were given Shir Ha-shirim. For all of the Writings are holy, but Shir Ha-shirim is the holy of holies” (Tanḥuma Tetzaveh §5). We see that the love between a husband and wife is so transcendent and sublime that it is compared to and a manifestation of the sacred connection between God and His people. In fact, the relationship between husband and wife who achieve union with each other in holiness and love (below, 3:15) is an extension of the relationship between God and His people. This, in turn, influences the relationship between God and His world, bringing life, blessing, and peace to all creation.",
+ "The Talmud tells us that the keruvim (cherubim) on top of the holy ark in the Holy of Holies were in the shape of a woman and man fulfilling the mitzva of ona. The Sages relate, “When the Jews ascended to the Temple in Jerusalem for the festivals, the kohanim would roll back the curtain so everyone could see the intertwined keruvim, and would say to them, ‘Look! The love between you and God is like the love between a male and a female’” (Yoma 54a). When Israel stopped acting in accordance with the divine will, the keruvim separated from one another and turned toward the wall (Bava Batra 99a).",
+ "Since the essence of marriage is sacred and transcendent, during Temple times Yom Kippur was one of the two holidays on which people would occupy themselves with matchmaking (m. Ta’anit 4:8). A wedding is about a bride and a groom, two individuals who are uniting and starting a new life together. It is a mitzva to joyfully celebrate this. The Sages (Berakhot 6b) tell us that anyone who makes a groom and bride happy will merit acquiring (knowledge of) the Torah and is considered as if he had brought a thanksgiving offering and had rebuilt one of Jerusalem’s ruins (see Maharal, Tiferet Yisrael ch. 30).",
+ "We likewise find that when Israel reached the highest expression of its union with the Holy One, when King Shlomo stabilized the Kingdom of Israel and built the Temple, he declared a weeklong celebration for all of Israel, which he later extended for an additional week. “On the eighth day he let the people go. They bade the king goodbye and went to their homes, joyful and glad of heart for all the goodness that the Lord had shown to His servant David and His people Israel” (1 Melakhim 8:66). The Sages expound: “‘And went to their homes’ – [the husbands] went and found their wives in a state of purity. ‘Joyful’ – they delighted in the radiance of the Divine Presence. ‘And glad of heart’ – each and every woman conceived a boy. ‘Over all the goodness’ – a heavenly voice proclaimed to them, ‘You are all guaranteed a place in the World to Come’” (Mo’ed Katan 9a). In other words, when the Temple was built in Jerusalem, God was as happy with His people as a groom is happy with his bride, and that general sanctity spread to each individual Israelite home. Thus, the husbands returned home to find their wives pure, so they could fulfill the mitzva of ona joyfully.",
+ "Earlier, when Israel received the Torah, God commanded Moshe, “Go say to them: ‘Return to your tents’” (Devarim 5:27). The Sages explain this to mean that they were told to return to “the joy of ona” (Avoda Zara 5a). One who does not appreciate the value of this mitzva might think it was inappropriate to be involved in such things following the sublime experience of receiving the Torah. Nevertheless, God instructed otherwise: “Return to the joy of ona!” This makes clear that, on the contrary, it was specifically after absorbing the holiness revealed at the giving of the Torah that it was appropriate to joyfully fulfill the mitzva of ona. In fact, there is a parallel between the giving of the Torah and ona. The giving of the Torah was akin to a wedding between God and Israel, as the Sages expound on Shir Ha-shirim 3:11: “‘His wedding day’ refers to the giving of the Torah, while ‘His day of bliss’ refers to the building of the Temple” (Ta’anit 26b). The love and joy of this glorious wedding spilled over into every family in Israel.",
+ "This runs counter to the view of many savants of the gentile world. In their opinion, physical pleasures are rooted in the material and in sin, and are entirely detached from sacred spiritual matters. However, the unique role of Israel is to reveal the true monotheistic faith, namely, that God is the Ruler of both heaven and earth. Therefore, when husband and wife achieve union in the proper way, it discloses something of the divine. This is the meaning of the rabbinical exposition on the verse “Who can count the dust of Jacob, number the dust-cloud (rova) of Israel?” (Bamidbar 23:10). The Sages explain: This teaches that God sits and counts the matings (revi’oteihem) of Israel, awaiting the arrival of the drop from which a righteous person will be formed. The wicked Bilam was blinded because of this; he said, “Would the One Who is pure and holy, and Whose servants are pure and holy, look at such a thing?!” Right away, he lost vision in one eye. (Nidda 31a)"
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Joy of Ona",
+ "Under normal circumstances, each person must look out for himself, for if he does not take care of himself, who else will? This sad reality can be obscured by shallow friendships and frivolous entertainment, but in moments of clarity, when a person becomes aware of his loneliness, he feels terrible sorrow. This is the existential pain that accompanies a person through life, the pall of death that casts a shadow during life. In moments of acute sobriety, the pain is even greater. Loneliness leads to egotism, to caring only for oneself. One thus becomes morally empty and is left without meaning in life, which only makes the loneliness worse.",
+ "The solution to this can be found in the mitzva to “love your fellow as yourself.” When people understand that there is sacred value to their friendships, they become better and more moral. They truly connect to one another and assuage the pain of their loneliness. As we learned, the most complete fulfillment of “love your fellow as yourself” is in a spousal relationship, which can truly make a person complete. Through this true love, one can successfully break through egotistical boundaries, loving his spouse and looking out for her, in the same way that he loves and looks out for himself.",
+ "The most salient manifestation of this love is the mitzva of sexual relations, in which, thanks to their great love and pleasure, each spouse is able to transcend personal boundaries. The husband reaches out to his wife, and she reaches out to him, and in their union they are redeemed from their loneliness. Then they can experience true, incomparable joy. Life pulses within them, connecting them with all living things, and ascending upwards to the Source of life.",
+ "Accordingly, the mitzva is called simḥat ona, the joy of marital sexual relations (Pesaḥim 72b; Avoda Zara 5a). In this joy, the divine is revealed. Maharal explains: Do not say that sexual union is a physical act, akin to that of all other animals. This is incorrect. It was God Who gave man and woman the ability to achieve union…for His name, Ya-h, takes part along with them (Sota 17a, cited above in 1:1). That is, God brings a couple together and makes them one, so His name is within them. (Be’er Ha-gola 5:4)",
+ "This mitzva is a foretaste of the World to Come. It is like a ray of light from higher, better realms to this dark world whose screens and barriers prevent light from reaching it. The Sages even commented that our world is like night (Ḥagiga 12b).",
+ "All mitzvot should gladden a person greatly, for through them one connects to the Source of life and takes part in adding life to this world. Unfortunately, because of the barriers and screens that conceal the divine light and life, we barely sense this. True, we feel the satisfaction of doing the right thing, but we do not experience palpable, bodily pleasure in the performance of the mitzva itself. Accordingly, the Sages state: “This world is like an antechamber of the next world. Prepare yourself in the antechamber so that you may enter the main hall” (Avot 4:16). The next world is where we receive the bulk of the reward for doing the right thing.",
+ "Only in the marvelous mitzva of ona can one experience the wonderful pleasure that we should sense when fulfilling any mitzva. It is in this sense that the mitzva of ona (like the mitzva of Shabbat) is a foretaste of the next world. It is a gateway through which a person gets a privileged glimpse of the next world even while still living in this one. By properly fulfilling this mitzva, one can even experience the pleasure that is a foretaste of the next world when fulfilling other mitzvot as well (Zohar II, 259a).",
+ "In contrast, those who sin sexually – who are promiscuous, commit incest and adultery, who do not observe the laws of nidda – misdirect their passions. Instead of breaking through the barriers of egotism, creating souls, and connecting to God, they breach (portzim), in their transgressions, the good and moral framework; they are therefore called licentious (prutzim). They lose their place in this world, for they do not have the privilege of experiencing true love. They also lose their place in the next world for they do not connect to eternal, true life; instead, they inherit the abyss."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Redemption from Slavery Was in the Merit of This Mitzva",
+ "When our ancestors were slaves, the Egyptians wanted to prevent the men from reproducing, in order to wipe Israel out. To that end, they weighed them down with backbreaking labor from dawn to dusk and forced them to sleep in the fields instead of returning home. To the men of Israel, the situation seemed hopeless; their wives would give up on them and instead cling to their Egyptian masters. How could a husband look his wife in the eye? He was supposed to shelter her, to protect her from tyrants and oppressors, to support her and defend her honor, to be a role model for their children. Instead, he was a lowly slave under the heel of his master. In order to spare himself further humiliation, he preferred not to attempt to approach his wife. He stifled his will to live. He did not want children, because he could not provide them with a decent future. When his wife approached him, he backed away, because he was afraid that she would want to leave him soon anyway. Under such circumstances, most women would feel slighted and would try to become the second wives of their Egyptian masters. And the people of Israel would have faced extinction.",
+ "Something else took place instead. The Sages recount: In the merit of the righteous women of that generation, Israel was redeemed from Egypt. When the women went to draw water, the Holy One arranged for small fish to enter their pitchers, so they drew up pitchers half-full of water and half-full of fish. They then set two pots on the fire, one for hot water and the other for the fish. Then they carried these to their husbands in the fields, where they bathed them, massaged them with oil, and gave them food and drink. Then they coupled with them among the sheepfolds. (Sota 11b)",
+ "It was as if each woman said to her husband, “Although you are a contemptible slave in the eyes of the Egyptians, in my eyes you are precious and important. Just as I would greet you happily if you returned home from a respectable job, so I happily greet you now. I have come to the field to wash your feet, aching after a hard day’s work, and to massage your body, bruised from beatings, because you are my husband and my love.” A midrash relates similarly:",
+ "While they ate and drank, the women held up mirrors and looked into them together with their husbands. She would say, “I am more beautiful than you,” and he would respond, “I am better looking than you.” This stimulated their desire, and they would procreate; the Holy One would ensure immediate conception…. “The Israelites were fertile and prolific; they multiplied and increased very greatly” (Shemot 1:7)…. And all this proliferation was thanks to the mirrors. (Tanḥuma Pekudei §9).",
+ "“Once they became pregnant, they went home. When it was time for them to give birth, they went to the fields” (Sota 11b).",
+ "After the Jewish people left Egypt, received the Torah, and were commanded to erect the Mishkan, every Jew donated gold, silver, copper, expensive fabrics, and precious gems for its construction. The same women who had given birth in the fields asked themselves, “Do we have anything to contribute toward the building of the Mishkan?” They went home and returned carrying the same mirrors they had used to beautify themselves. Even though they treasured these mirrors, they volunteered to donate them out of their intense passion for sanctity. But Moshe was disgusted, because he felt that the whole point of mirrors was to arouse the evil inclination. Some say that he even became angry, telling the people around him in exaggerated fashion that these women deserve to have their legs broken with sticks for their audacity in bringing these mirrors for divine service. God responded to Moshe, “You disdain these mirrors?! These mirrors produced these multitudes in Egypt! Accept them, because they are more beloved to Me than all other donations. Take them and use them to make the copper laver and its base, with which the kohanim will sanctify themselves for divine service” (Tanḥuma Pekudei §9; Rashi on Shemot 38:8).",
+ "From this story we learn something wonderful: that there is nothing more pure and holy than unconditional, life-giving love. That is why it was specifically these mirrors that were used to make the laver from which the kohanim purified and sanctified themselves in preparation for Temple service."
+ ]
+ ],
+ [
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Pinnacle of Pleasure",
+ "The mitzva of ona is for a man to bring pleasure and joy to his wife as best he can and to achieve complete sexual union with her, lovingly and with abundant joy (as explained in 1:2 above). Every man must fulfill this mitzva as frequently as his physical stamina and professional demands allow. For most, this means twice a week (as explained further in section 7 below). A woman, too, has a mitzva to couple with her husband and to enjoy him. The more she enjoys their sexual relations, the greater the mitzva. ",
+ "Their sexual union must be very joyful and pleasurable. Accordingly, the mitzva is called simḥat ona, the joy of marital sexual union. Abstaining from it is deemed a type of torment (Pesaḥim 72b; Avoda Zara 5a; 1:3 above).",
+ "The mitzva of ona is independent of the mitzva of procreation. It is fulfilled through marital sexual relations even when they cannot lead to pregnancy, such as when the wife is pregnant or nursing, or when she is after menopause (above, 1:4).",
+ "The central element of this mitzva is for the husband to bring complete joy to his wife, to the point where her joy and pleasure climax in orgasm. Short of this, their sexual relations may result in frustration, for the lead-up to orgasm builds up physical and psychological tension that is blissfully released upon orgasm. If she does not experience orgasm, her tensions and frustration will generally remain.",
+ "The wife has a mitzva to be responsive and to actively participate in the mitzva as best she can, for without her desire and efforts to increase their mutual pleasure, it is impossible to fulfill the mitzva. However, if she is so exhausted or tense that it will be difficult for her to achieve orgasm, she may choose to forgo it and suffice with sexual union that brings sweet pleasure but not complete bliss. This, too, is a fulfillment of the mitzva. Nevertheless, it is best to try to ensure that it does not happen too frequently (see below, section 12 and note 12.)",
+ "The more a husband and wife give and receive pleasure at the set times (onot) of this mitzva, the better. This is also mandated by the mitzva of “love your fellow as yourself” (Vayikra 19:18), which entails a spouse looking out for the good of the other to the best of their ability. Since the greatest physical and emotional pleasure is that shared by husband and wife, if a man deprives his wife of this enjoyable pleasure, he is being oppressive, since there is no other man who can provide her with this joy. Likewise, a woman who deprives her husband of this enjoyable pleasure is being oppressive, since there is no one else in the world who can fill his void.",
+ "The mitzva is also called derekh eretz, “the way of the world,” since every healthy person yearns for pleasurable sexual union, the greatest palpable physical pleasure that a person can experience in this world. It is thus clear that when the Torah commanded the mitzva of ona, it means reaching orgasm, the peak of pleasure that people yearn for. If a husband or wife does not feel that yearning, they must try to heal themselves, so that their sexual union will be joyful for both of them.",
+ "The kabbalists said that one who does not experience sexual longing is worse than a donkey and will never be able to love God (Reishit Ḥokhma, Sha’ar Ha-ahava, end of ch. 4), for it is only through healthy human nature, itself created by God, that one can progress in one’s love for God. Anyone who is detached from the lifegiving impulse is far from faith and sanctity, and cannot act to repair the world."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Man’s Duty and the Woman’s Mitzva",
+ "The obligation of ona is incumbent upon the man, as the verse states, “He shall not withhold she’erah, kesutah, or onatah” (Shemot 21:10). Ramban explains that she’erah refers to flesh-to-flesh contact during intimacy, kesutah refers to the bed and bedding used by the couple during intimacy, and onatah as referring to the conjugal act itself (Ketubot 48a; see above, 1:3). If a husband does not fulfill this mitzva and thereby causes his wife pain, he is in violation of a Torah prohibition (above, 1:2). Of course, if she does not respond joyfully to her husband, the mitzva is worthless; thus, fulfillment of the mitzva depends on both of them. Nevertheless, the primary duty is the man’s, just as the mitzva to marry is incumbent upon the man, making him responsible to court his future spouse, gain her consent to marry, and then marry her.",
+ "To understand the difference between men and women, it must be made clear that if a man does not verbally articulate his love for his wife and does not increase her pleasure by embracing and caressing her while gradually advancing toward her erogenous zones, it stands to reason that he will not manage to make her climax. One of the wonderful characteristics of women is that spirit, mind, and body are more integrated in them than they are in men. Therefore, under normal circumstances, it is only when all of these elements are brought together in love and pleasure that a woman can reach orgasm. This process is complex and takes time.",
+ "In contrast, it is the nature of men to bifurcate different realms. A man can satisfy his physical lust even without an emotional or spiritual connection. This trait can be very valuable when he needs to ignore everything going on around him and focus his energy on a single goal. It is what enables a young man to energetically court his future wife, overcome obstacles, and persist until she agrees to marry him. This is also why it is the man who performs the act of kiddushin that effects their marriage. This trait is also valuable for a soldier in battle.",
+ "On the other hand, after achieving his goal of getting married, men can sometimes lose interest in having a wholesome emotional relationship. They were so focused on getting married that they neglected to properly prepare themselves for all the challenges of married life. Because of this, a new husband is commanded not to serve in the army or take business trips during his first year of marriage, as the verse states: “He shall be exempt one year for the sake of his household, to give happiness to the woman he has married” (Devarim 24:5). This allows newlyweds to build a strong foundation for their married life.",
+ "Something similar can happen during the buildup to sexual relations. A man might be very passionate beforehand, but as soon as he ejaculates, he is liable to lose interest in his wife. And since men are physiologically capable of reaching the climax of physical pleasure within minutes, without providing their wives with any joy – the mitzva of ona is incumbent upon the man, and its primary element is to bring as much joy and pleasure to his wife as he can. The Sages thus caution: “A husband may not compel his wife to fulfill the mitzva…. Any man who compels his wife to perform this mitzva will have indecent children” (Eruvin 100b).",
+ "Thus, even though marital sexual relations are a mitzva, if their purpose is to satisfy only the man’s urges, without him trying to bring his wife pleasure, there is no mitzva. Thus, because of women’s nature, the husband has to make sure to express his love for his wife. This will give their sexual union greater depth and wholesomeness.",
+ "Conversely, when a woman does not desire to be intimate with her husband, is not responsive to his advances, and does not experience joy with him, she actively countermands the mitzva. The mitzva is to bring her joy, so when she is not happy, the mitzva is completely undermined. If this situation persists, she will destroy their home. As we learned, if a woman claims that she finds her husband repulsive, he must divorce her, but she forfeits her ketuba (Ketubot 63b). He must divorce her because it is impossible to maintain a marriage without the joy of sexual relations, but she forfeits her ketuba because she breached the most basic essence of marriage."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Man’s Mitzva",
+ "A few hours before having sexual relations, a husband should express his love for his wife and his eager anticipation of their upcoming intimacy. Doing so will correspondingly arouse his wife, filling her with love and desire. They should both take care during these hours not to broach subjects likely to lead to an argument, or subjects that are a source of stress for either one of them, so as not to derogate from the joy of the mitzva. The Sages state that whoever raises a subject that could ruin the joy of the mitzva will have to answer for it in the future. Thus, commenting upon the verse, “For behold, He forms mountains and creates winds; He reveals his words (siḥo) to a person” (Amos 4:13), the Talmud informs us that God holds us responsible even for “excess words (siḥa) between husband and wife” (Ḥagiga 5a, following the interpretation of Raavad; Baḥ, OḤ 280:2).",
+ "As the couple becomes intimate, it is a mitzva for the husband to tell his wife how much he loves her. He should not hold back any compliment – about her beauty, her character, and whatever else he knows will bring her joy (Zohar I 49b; Tikkunei Zohar 57:1). This does not mean he should make things up; rather, after thinking about how deeply he loves his wife, he should offer truthful compliments. One may stretch the truth a bit, however, for it is only due to our own shortcomings that we fail to see that our hyperboles are closer to the truth than we realize (see Ketubot 17a).",
+ "Included in the mitzva are embracing, kissing, and caressing anywhere that is pleasurable, and in any way that is enjoyable. The mitzva is to proceed gradually, from areas where touch is pleasant to the erogenous zones, until finally reaching the clitoris, where touch produces the most arousal and pleasure. Every woman should know her body so that, if necessary, she can teach her husband how to bring her pleasure. Since every person is different, part of the mitzva is for the couple to openly discuss what gives them pleasure; the husband should ask his wife how he can increase her joy, and she will respond and open up to him. And having aroused her to a state of intense pleasure, they proceed to the consummation of their sexual union.",
+ "For most couples, it is best for the husband to try to enable his wife to reach orgasm before him, for otherwise, there is concern that he will be drained of desire and unable to bring her joy as he should. It should be noted that in the past, apparently, in most circumstances, women could achieve orgasm during coitus itself, whereas nowadays, for various reasons, many women do not reach orgasm during coitus, only through manual stimulation of the clitoris. In that case, this is how to perform the mitzva, and from this they proceed to the consummation of their sexual union.",
+ "It has always been a virtue of Torah scholars and Torah-oriented Jews that they bring joy to their wives, as is proper. For that reason, the Sages admonish fathers not to marry off their daughters to coarse ignoramuses (amei ha-aretz): “If one marries his daughter to an am ha’aretz, it is as if he has left her tied up in front of a lion. Just like a lion attacks and devours its prey with no shame, so, too, an am ha’aretz beats and penetrates his wife shamelessly” (Pesaḥim 49b). In other words, just as a lion devours its prey and begins eating while it is still alive, so an am ha’aretz penetrates his wife in order to satisfy his own urges and does not delay so that his wife can experience pleasure and joy as well."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Derekh Eretz",
+ "God created man and woman to yearn for one another naturally. This sexual attraction is a good thing; indeed it is the foundation of the mitzva of ona. The Sages declare: “The way of the world (derekh eretz) preceded the Torah” (Tanna De-vei Eliyahu Rabba 1). That is, God commanded human beings to give full expression to their natural desires within the sacred framework of marriage. If people stifled their natural desires, they would not be able to fulfill the mitzva properly, nor would they be able to fulfill other mitzvot fully.",
+ "This means that there are moral principles that a person must grasp simply, through his heart and his conscience, as dictated by the natural morality that God implanted in all creatures and that even wild beasts follow. The Torah adds layers of fastidiousness, consistency, and sanctity upon this healthy natural foundation, but if a person does not instinctively grasp these values, he is lacking something basic.",
+ "The Sages tell us that it is possible to learn how to fulfill the mitzva of ona from the rooster, an animal known for its prodigious mating habits and for its expertise in the art of courtship and seduction. It is no coincidence that one of the Hebrew words for rooster is “gever,” which also means “man”. The Sages go on to interpret the rooster’s actions anthropomorphically: When he flaps his wings up and down in a broad arc, he is, as it were, promising the hen that after they mate, he will buy her a long beautiful coat that reaches the ground. After he finishes mating, he bows its head and lowers its crest in a humble pose, as if to apologize for lacking the money to buy her the coat he promised. It looks like he is swearing on the life of his glorious crest that it should be cut off should he come into money yet not buy her the coat (Eruvin 100b).",
+ "The Sages wish to teach us here that a husband should not hold back when it comes to praising and complimenting his wife for her beauty, her character, and all the good things she says and does. It is even appropriate to stretch the truth a bit, like the rooster who makes a promise that it knows it cannot keep but thereby acknowledges his love and esteem for her, saying that this is what she truly deserves. Moreover, after marital sexual relations, a man should not act like those husbands who lose interest in their wives, turn their backs, and fall asleep. Rather, he should apologize to his wife for his limitations, which do not allow him to adequately express the love and affection she deserves.",
+ "Another principle of derekh eretz that can be learned from the natural world is that it is generally the man who must initiate intimacy, as his desire is more external and obvious, and becomes apparent relatively quickly and easily. Through his passionate arousal, his wife will respond in kind and become aroused by him. These are only general guidelines, and every couple must consummate their union however their joy is maximized (n. 4 below), yet even when one spouse is disappointed by the process of courtship and seduction, they may not abrogate the set times of ona (sections 7-8 below).",
+ "It is also important to mention in the context of derekh eretz that sexual relations are often compared to a banquet (Nedarim 20b), to teach us that just as the table is set for a banquet with a nice tablecloth, a full complement of silverware and dishes, and glasses for both wine and other beverages, and just as a banquet has appetizers, desserts, and courses in between, so too we must invest this much and more in preparing for marital sexual relations, which are a mitzva of the Torah. We must proceed patiently and gradually so that the union is consummated in complete joy. Just as it is good for banquets to vary the menu from time to time, because even the most delicious food can get boring if served too often, so too the compliments that the husband pays his wife and the ways he brings joy and pleasure to his wife should be varied. Everything must be in accordance with her desires; some people are more adventurous when it comes to trying new items on the menu, and others prefer the familiar, set menu.",
+ "It should go without saying that derekh eretz includes maintaining personal hygiene and removing anything unsightly or likely to be off-putting. Getting rid of things which are off-putting is obligatory, while going above and beyond is admirable. This applies equally to both women and men. R. Ḥisda instructed his daughters before they got married to avoid foods that would give them bad breath or upset their stomachs (Shabbat 140b). Proper hygiene is so important that neglecting it is considered grounds for divorce. (See SA EH 154:1-2.) There are many guidelines and laws for specific cases, but the general rule is that since people differ, both husband and wife must be attentive and sensitive to what may bother the other. This is even truer when it comes to things which are generally viewed as disgusting."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Woman’s Mitzva",
+ "As we saw in section 2, even though the mitzvot of marriage and ona devolve upon men, women are equal partners in the fulfillment of the mitzva. Without her responsiveness to her husband, the mitzva is emptied of all its meaning. Therefore, just as it is a mitzva for a man to express his love and desire for his wife, so too, it is a mitzva for a woman to express such feelings to her husband. Indeed, this is perfectly natural, as the Sages say: “A woman’s desire is only for her husband, as the Torah states (Bereishit 3:16), ‘Your desire shall be for your husband’” (Bereishit Rabba 20:7). This desire is sacred; through it, the love between the couple is revealed and the name of God dwells with them (above, 1:1). Moreover, the mutual desire of husband and wife serves as an allegory to express the relationship between God and Israel: “I am my beloved’s, and His desire is for me” (Shir Ha-shirim 7:11).",
+ "As we have seen, the mitzva to “love your fellow as yourself” (Vayikra 19:18), which R. Akiva calls “a major principle of the Torah” (Sifra ad loc.), reaches its ultimate fulfillment in marriage (Arizal, Sefer Ha-likutim, Ekev). Therefore, a woman, too, must bring her husband joy through whatever she knows will give him pleasure; the more she does so, the greater her mitzva.",
+ "The stronger the couple’s love and desire for each other, the more complete their union will be, and in this merit, their children will be even more wonderful (above, 1:4 and n. 4). Maharal writes that when a woman feels intense desire for her husband, she connects to the root of life and unity, and in this merit, she has children of the utmost refinement, who are deserving of redemption and liberty (Gevurot Hashem, ch. 43). This is what the Sages mean when they say, “In the merit of the righteous women of that generation, the Jews were redeemed from Egypt” (Sota 11b). By virtue of their desire for their husbands, and their expression of this desire through the mitzva of ona, despite all the hardships of servitude, they gave birth to the generation of redemption (above, 1:8).",
+ "In order to increase love, wives often adorn themselves in jewelry for their husbands. Ezra the Scribe even allowed peddlers to sell perfumes and jewelry, over any objections of the townspeople, “so that the women would not become undesirable to their husbands” (Bava Kamma 82b). According to tradition, God beautified Ḥava and braided her hair so that Adam would love her more (Eruvin 18a). The main purpose of a woman’s accessories is to arouse her husband’s desire for her (Tanḥuma Vayishlaḥ §12; Shir Ha-shirim 1:2). R. Hai Gaon writes, “May a curse befall a woman who is married but does not adorn herself for her husband, and may a curse befall a woman who is not married, yet adorns herself” (Sha’arei Teshuva §84). It would seem that he is referring specifically to the type of adornments that men find arousing, and this teaches us the main purpose of perfume, jewelry, and beautiful clothing is to increase the love of husband and wife.",
+ "When a woman does not love her husband, does not long to be with him, and does not enjoy sexual relations with him, she can drain the joy from his life. The Sages said of this: “There is no end to the goodness of a good wife, and there is no end to the badness of a bad wife” (Midrash Tehilim §59). Making a similar point, the Talmud (Yevamot 63a) relates that R. Ḥiya gave the following blessing to Rav, his disciple: “God should save you from a fate worse than death,” referring to a bad wife, as it says (Kohelet 7:26), “I find woman more bitter than death.” (See also section 12 below regarding women who have difficulty fulfilling this mitzva.)"
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Women and the Virtue of Nonverbal Cues",
+ "The Sages say, “Any woman who propositions her husband to fulfill the mitzva [of ona] will have children the like of whom did not exist even in the generation of Moshe” (Eruvin 100b). This is what our matriarch Leah did: “When Yaakov came home from the field in the evening, Leah went out to meet him and said, ‘Come to me, for I have hired you with my son’s mandrakes.’ And he lay with her that night” (Bereishit 30:16). It was on that night that Leah conceived Yissachar, whose descendants were Torah scholars and leaders, as we read: “Of the Yissacharites, men who knew how to interpret the signs of the times, to determine how Israel should act: their chiefs were 200, and all their kinsmen followed them” (2 Divrei Ha-yamim 12:33).",
+ "The Talmud then questions this conclusion in light of the Sages’ dictum: “A woman propositions in her heart, while a man propositions verbally; this is an admirable trait in women.” If so, how could Leah have verbalized her proposition? Furthermore, how could she have been rewarded with a tribe of wise descendants? The Talmud explains that it is commendable for a woman to “make herself pleasing to him” – showing him signs of her affection and adorning herself for him to arouse his desire. That is, she propositions him “in her heart,” by means of nonverbal cues. This is what Leah did when she said, “Come to me.” She was expressing her love for Yaakov and her wish for him to come to her tent so they could sleep in the same bed and be close to one another. She did not explicitly request that they have sexual relations.",
+ "The reason that it is improper for her to verbally proposition him is that a man’s stamina is limited, and he is not always capable of fulfilling the mitzva of ona, which requires him to be pleasantly stimulated and aroused to the point that he can have intercourse with his wife. The mitzva of ona thus depends on the man and what his physical stamina and workload permit (as explained in the next section). A woman, by contrast, can achieve orgasm every night, and even multiple times in one night. Even when she is tense, making it difficult for her to achieve orgasm, she can be responsive to her husband’s advances and take pleasure in his joy. If she were to proposition him explicitly and verbally when he is in a state that would make it difficult for him to consummate their union, he might find it humiliating. Instead of eagerly anticipating sexual relations and finding it intensely pleasurable and enjoyable, he might start dreading it, fearing that he will be unable to do his duty. Sometimes this anxiety can cause impotence. Therefore, a woman should be coy and not proposition her husband verbally. Rather, she should use nonverbal cues that come from her heart, so that when he is not sure of his ability to fulfill the mitzva, he can respond affectionately but without the humiliation of being unable to reciprocate fully.",
+ "Additionally, when a man is so depressed and powerless that he actually feels impotent, devoid of his vitality and virility, and it seems to him that even if he wanted to, he does not possess the strength to stimulate an erection strong enough for sexual relations with his wife, then if he is fortunate, and his wife expresses her love and desire through nonverbal hints and cues, like with a warm embrace, it can revive him. It can awaken within him the desire and ability to fulfill the mitzva and consummate their union. Thus, she adds joy and light to his life (see 1:8 above)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Times of Ona",
+ "The mitzva of ona depends on a husband’s stamina as well as his profession, as the Sages say in the Mishna: “The ona of which the Torah speaks is daily for tayalim (see below for a definition), twice a week for laborers, once a week for donkey drivers, once in thirty days for camel drivers, and once every six months for sailors” (m. Ketubot 5:6, 61b).",
+ "Some say that tayalim were healthy people whose jobs were easy and stress-free, for whom, therefore, the mitzva was each night. R. Shmuel bar Shilat is cited as an example. He taught schoolchildren near his home, his income was so modest that the king’s tax collectors left him alone, and his life was tranquil and secure (Rif and Rosh). Others say that tayalim were people who were so secure financially that they did not need to work at all, aside from some occasional management of their economic affairs that did not disturb their peace of mind (Rambam, Ri’az, Rabbeinu Yeruḥam, and Smag).",
+ "Laborers who worked locally had the mitzva of ona twice a week. Laborers who did not work locally, even if they returned home every night, had the mitzva once a week, since traveling is very draining. Donkey drivers, who transported produce from villages to markets, were generally away from home six days of the week, so their mitzva was only once a week. Camel drivers, who generally transported merchandise across long distances, would usually only return home once a month, so their mitzva of ona was once a month. Sailors, who would be at sea for half a year, had the mitzva of ona once every six months (Ketubot 62a-b; SA EH 76:5). Torah scholars, whose Torah study exhausts them, had a mitzva of ona on the eves of Shabbat, Yom Tov, and Rosh Ḥodesh (SA ad loc; MA 240:3). Some of the greatest Aḥaronim write that it is better for Torah scholars to fulfill the mitzva of ona twice a week (Me’il Tzedaka §51; Pitḥei Teshuva, EH 76:3; BHL 240:1).",
+ "A married tayal could not become a laborer without his wife’s agreement, even if his new job would improve their financial situation. Since she married him with the understanding that he was a tayal, he could not reduce the ona to which she was entitled without her consent. Similarly, a laborer whose obligation of ona was twice a week could not become a donkey driver whose obligation was once a week without his wife’s consent. Likewise, a donkey driver who wanted to become a camel driver or a camel driver who wanted to become a sailor had to ask his wife’s permission. However, a tayal who wanted to become a Torah scholar could do so due to the greatness of the mitzva of studying Torah; his wife could not protest, even though he would be reducing her ona (Ketubot 62b; SA EH 76:5; Beit Shmuel ad loc. 8).",
+ "These rulings were formulated in an age that was very different from the one we live in today. On one hand, most men work fewer hours than in the past, doing jobs that are less physically demanding. In this sense, they are most similar to tayalim. Even those who commute to work do so by car, bus, or train and are akin to local laborers, and perhaps even tayalim, as long as their commute is not terribly exhausting. On the other hand, life has become more stressful due to the competitive labor market and increased interest in news reports, sources of information, and communications media. As a result, people sleep less, which reduces their natural desire to fulfill the mitzva.",
+ "Therefore, it seems that the obligation of ona for most men is twice a week, perhaps a bit more frequent for younger people. Those whose work is particularly taxing, whether physically or emotionally, are obligated only once a week. In contrast, men who work in exceptionally easy professions are obligated more than twice a week, and perhaps even daily, like tayalim."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Beyond the Set Times",
+ "In addition to the set obligation of the mitzva of ona, which for most men is twice a week, it is a mitzva for every husband to have sexual relations with his wife when she desires him, as long as he has the strength for it, i.e., that he is capable of consummating the union.",
+ "Thus, the Torah’s commandment of ona has two parts. First, there are set times based on what the husband’s health and workload permit; these times provide a regular expression for the couple’s bond and mutual desire. It is precisely this regularity that gives expression to the stability of their loving relationship. It is also why the Torah refers to this mitzva as “ona,” “time,” when it mentions a man’s conjugal duties (Shemot 21:10).",
+ "Second, there is another part of the mitzva, which applies when the wife’s desire is aroused. The Torah commands the man to be responsive and to consummate their union with abundant joy. It is likewise a mitzva and a duty for the wife to be responsive to her husband, if he wishes to have sexual relations with her more often than required.",
+ "In light of the second component of the mitzva, a question arises regarding the first one: Why must the Torah establish set times for a couple to express their love for each other? Why not leave the frequency of the mitzva up to them? After all, according to the second component, if one spouse is in the mood, the other has a mitzva and an obligation to respond, even if this takes place daily. Conversely, if, over the course of several weeks, neither husband nor wife initiates intimacy, why must they be instructed to have sexual relations at set times?",
+ "There are three answers to this question. First, it often happens that as the years go by, life’s demands grow. Since sexual relations are no longer new and special as at first, the couple are liable to push it off, one time because of exhaustion, another time because of a preoccupation, the next time for a headache, and the time after that an upset stomach. Even though each time they both agree to forgo the mitzva, in fact their loving relationship is weakened. Deep in their hearts, each one is hurt that the other does not yearn for more intimacy, and when one does not initiate, the other also loses interest, deepening their sense of insult and the growing distance between them. Therefore, the mitzva of ona is there to instruct them to fulfill the onot on a regular basis. Only on rare occasions, when they are especially tense, may they forgo the mitzva by mutual consent.",
+ "Second, if the mitzva were always dependent on one spouse expressing desire, there would be concern that the spouse who is more often in the mood would become ashamed to always be the one to initiate. In contrast, when both husband and wife know that they have a mitzva to have sexual relations twice a week, they will fulfill the mitzva on a regular basis, and the need to indicate the desire for additional intimacy can be reserved for when one of them is feeling particularly amorous.",
+ "Third, as we mentioned above (section 4), the mitzva must be done with full attentiveness, with attention to tiny detail, much like an elaborate banquet. The Sages assessed how frequently a couple can fulfill the mitzva of ona in a wholesome manner, and this is consequently the mitzva of the Torah. If the man goes too far beyond this frequency, there is concern that it will become superficial for him, something he does just to satisfy his urges, without bringing proper pleasure to his wife. The unique joy of the mitzva would wane. To avoid that, and to ensure that the mitzva can be fulfilled properly, the Sages set a fixed frequency. Nevertheless, this is a general guideline; when a woman yearns for more, it is a mitzva for her husband to be responsive if he is able. Likewise, when a man yearns for more and feels that he can properly pleasure his wife, this, too, fulfills a mitzva."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Mikveh Night and the Night Before Traveling",
+ "It is a mitzva for a man to have sexual relations with his wife on the night she immerses in the mikveh (SA EH 76:4). If he does not do so, he has neglected a mitzva of the Torah and violated the severe transgression of causing his wife pain, for it is extremely insulting for a woman to immerse and purify herself only for her husband to have no desire to be intimate with her. This night is considered a set time of ona; if their mitzva is twice a week, then this is considered their first time for that week.",
+ "A man about to travel has a mitzva to have sexual relations with his wife the night before his departure (Yevamot 62b; SA EH 76:4), because their yearning to be together is especially strong then, as it is written: “You will know that all is well (shalom) in your tent; when you visit your wife, you will never sin” (Iyov 5:24). In fulfilling this mitzva before traveling, the husband takes leave of his wife with love, joy, and peace (shalom). They will not sin or betray each other while apart, neither in thought nor in deed. However, if the purpose of the journey is to fulfill a mitzva, and if having sexual relations will interfere with that mitzva, then ona is not obligatory (Rashi; Nimukei Yosef).",
+ "The mitzva of ona applies before any trip that evokes feelings of separation and longing, which may differ from person to person. Still, minimally, it refers to a trip that involves at least one night away from home. It is also obvious that if the trip will last long enough that they will have to forgo one set ona time, then even without feelings of longing, there is a mitzva for the couple to have sexual relations on the night before departure.",
+ "The same law applies when the wife must travel away from home. If her trip prompts feelings of longing or if it causes a set time of ona to be missed, there is a mitzva for her and her husband to have sexual relations the night before she leaves.",
+ "When a trip is planned for the day before mikveh night, it is a mitzva to postpone the trip until after the wife immerses and they fulfill the mitzva of ona (Rema, YD 184:10).",
+ "Some authorities maintain that there is also a mitzva for a couple to have sexual relations when one of them returns from such a trip (Zohar I 50a; Rashba; Ba’er Heitev 240:19). Certainly, if either spouse wishes to be intimate at this point, all agree that the mitzva of ona applies. It speaks well for their relationship if, after one of them has been away, they wish to be intimate with each other and joyfully fulfill this mitzva."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Friday Night",
+ "The Sages say that the habit of Torah scholars is to fulfill the mitzva of ona on Friday night (Ketubot 62b), and of them it is written, “That yields its fruit in its season” (Tehilim 1:3). Halakhic authorities add that it is a mitzva for Torah scholars to fulfill the mitzva of ona on the nights of Yom Tov and Rosh Ḥodesh (MA 240:3). There are several reasons for this. First, by fulfilling the mitzva of ona, the couple also fulfills the mitzva of oneg Shabbat (making Shabbat a delight), and it is likewise proper to be extra joyful on Yom Tov and Rosh Ḥodesh. Moreover, holy days are fitting times to fulfill the mitzva of ona, as we find that after the giving of the Torah and the dedication of the Temple, Israel fulfilled the mitzva of ona (1:6 above). In addition, on these days, Torah scholars study less Torah than usual, and therefore they are more available to fulfill the mitzva of ona in the most complete way.",
+ "The mitzva to have sexual relations on Shabbat is not limited to Torah scholars. Rather, it is a mitzva for all couples, as a fulfillment of oneg Shabbat. In the words of Shulḥan Arukh: “Marital intimacy is one of the pleasures of Shabbat” (280:1).",
+ "However, sometimes it is difficult or uncomfortable to be intimate on Friday night. People are often tired then, whether from working all week long or from Shabbat preparations, and exhaustion makes it difficult to fulfill the mitzva in the ideal way. Since the essence of the Torah commandment is for their union to be joyful, if either spouse is so tired on Friday night that they will find it difficult to truly enjoy themselves, it is preferable for them to fulfill the mitzva of ona on Saturday night or on a different night when they are not tired. Although Zohar speaks of the great value of fulfilling the mitzva of ona on Shabbat, since the essence of the mitzva is for it to be joyful, when fulfilling it on Shabbat will detract from the joy, waiting until Saturday night is preferable."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Men Who Have Difficulty Fulfilling the Mitzva",
+ "Everything we have learned regarding the man’s duty of ona relates to healthy men, who transgress a Torah prohibition if they subtract from the set frequency for ona. If this behavior continues, it is obvious grounds for divorce, and the wife receives her ketuba payment in full (1:2 above). However, if a man’s difficulty in fulfilling the mitzva at the set times is attributable to a health problem, his only obligation is to do what the doctors deem him capable of (SA EH 76:3). Since problems often stem from specific hormone deficiencies or other medical conditions, and most of these issues are now treatable, he is obligated to consult with doctors. Occasionally, psychological or emotional problems are what cause him to forgo onot or to not make his wife as happy as he should. He must seek treatment for these issues as well. If it is a minor issue, consulting a rabbi is usually effective. If the problem is serious, he must seek the help of a God-fearing therapist who specializes in that area. If the husband neglects to deal with the problem appropriately, he negates a Torah commandment. Because he is not properly fulfilling the times of ona, his wife may file for divorce, and he must pay her ketuba in full.",
+ "If the husband has done his best to correct the problem by consulting with doctors and therapists, yet is still unable to fulfill the mitzva of ona on a regular basis, then as long as he manages to consummate their relationship at least once every six months, thus meeting the least frequent requirement for ona, namely, the practice of sailors (section 7 above), it is not grounds for divorce and payment of the ketuba. If he cannot meet even this minimum threshold, his wife can decide how to proceed. If she is willing to live with him in this state, she is permitted to do so, and if she wants to divorce, her husband must divorce her and pay her ketuba in full (SA EH 76:11). It goes without saying that even a man who cannot fully consummate their relationship must still please his wife and gladden her with kisses, embraces, and caresses that bring her to orgasm. In general, if a husband does this, even though he cannot engage in intercourse, his wife will not want to divorce him.",
+ "If one’s wife is truly willing to forgo ona, her relinquishment is valid as long as her husband has already fulfilled the mitzva of procreation. However, if he has not yet fulfilled this mitzva, he is required to fulfill all the set times of ona during which there is a chance that she will get pregnant. If he is unable to fulfill his conjugal duties, he must heed the instruction of doctors to fulfill his mitzva (SA EH 76:6).",
+ "Even when the husband has already fulfilled the mitzva of procreation and the wife is willing to forgo ona, he should preferably not give up on this mitzva. Rather, he should get medical advice about what might allow him to fulfill ona properly, since that is the proper and healthy way to live. A person should try to fulfill all the mitzvot even when there is no absolute obligation to do so (such as wearing tzitzit or undertaking acts of kindness). Similarly, he should make every effort to fulfill this precious and holy mitzva, which is responsible for the Shekhina dwelling in the world in general and with the couple in particular."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Women Who Have Difficulty Fulfilling the Mitzva",
+ "As we learned (section 1 above), the essence of the mitzva is for a husband to pleasure his wife and give her as much joy as he can, until she reaches orgasm. However, this is not in the hands of the husband alone; sometimes, despite his best efforts, his wife will not reach orgasm. There can be various reasons which may account for this. As we already learned (section 2), a woman’s spiritual, psychological, and physical selves are more integrated than a man’s, so when a woman is preoccupied or exhausted, or if she does not recognize the value of the mitzva, it is possible that all attempts will fail to bring her to orgasm. On the contrary, the effort may well leave her frustrated and sad, because as pleasure builds toward its climax, it produces a great physical and psychological yearning to reach orgasm and the release that accompanies it. When that has not been fulfilled, it leaves profound frustration. If a woman repeatedly experiences this frustration, she might prefer to forgo the attempt to have an orgasm altogether, in order to avoid the despondency that follows failure.",
+ "Therefore, when a woman knows that it will be difficult for her to reach orgasm, she can forgo the attempt and still enjoy the pleasant gratification that accompanies the conjugal act itself. To that end, her husband must pleasure her gently, and she should be responsive to him and receive him lovingly. This way they can fulfill the mitzva on a be-di’avad level. As long as they usually succeed in fulfilling the mitzva le-khatḥila, wherein the wife reaches orgasm, and only occasionally rely on what is permitted be-di’avad, this is natural and normal, and they should not feel bad about it at all. But they should make every effort to ensure that this does not happen often.",
+ "When the situation is not as good, and the wife usually does not reach orgasm, the couple must figure out the reason and find a solution. Sometimes the problem stems from exhaustion or stress, in which case they must adjust their lifestyles so that they are more balanced: reducing stress, getting more sleep, or at least making sure to get enough sleep in anticipation of intimacy. Sometimes, the problem occurs early in married life, when a couple has not yet learned how to bring the wife to orgasm, in which case they must learn how to fulfill the mitzva properly. They should not neglect the problem, since this mitzva is no less holy than the other mitzvot. Of course, if the wife knows that something specific will be more enjoyable for her, she should not be embarrassed to tell her husband.",
+ "If, despite all efforts, a husband is unsuccessful in pleasuring his wife and bringing her to orgasm, it is a mitzva for him to consult a rabbi or specialist, or for her to consult a rabbanit or a specialist. Sometimes simple suggestions can solve the problem, in which case a rabbi or rabbanit can help. Sometimes it is necessary to delve deeper into the internal barriers to their union, and sometimes the barrier is the result of a medical condition, in which case it is necessary to consult a specialist. In any case, the couple has an obligation to treat the problem so that they can fulfill the mitzva properly.",
+ "In the meantime, while they are trying to resolve the problems, they must make sure to keep to the regular frequency of ona. As long as the wife gains some pleasure from intercourse itself or from the associated embraces and caresses, then even though their situation is be-di’avad, they are still fulfilling the mitzva. But if the wife does not experience even this pleasure, the situation is grave. They must continue to have intercourse on a regular basis, thereby upholding the covenant of their marriage, but they are fulfilling only the bare minimum of the mitzva, as when a mitzva is fulfilled under extenuating circumstances. However, as we have said, this must not suffice for them; they are obligated to seek help and to consult with experts so that they can fulfill the mitzva le-khatḥila. For when the wife does not enjoy the mitzva, she is left feeling empty, and it is also very hurtful to her husband, as he, too, is prevented from experiencing the most profound joy. Instead of his desire to be intimate with his wife being received joyfully and leading to a wholesome and noble union, he is left lonely and miserable; his sexual desire seems like a contemptible lust that forces him to have sex with his wife in order to satisfy his urges and avoid sin.",
+ "Nevertheless, if they made every effort but did not manage to find a remedy for their condition, they should still make sure to have sexual relations on a regular basis, fulfilling the mitzva under these extenuating circumstances. The kindness and compassion that they have for one another and their fulfillment of their moral obligations toward one another, as the Torah commands, will sanctify their marriage covenant."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Flawed Sexual Union and the Resulting Children",
+ "The Sages commend those who sanctify themselves during marital sexual relations, stating that they will merit having good children (Shevu’ot 18b). This “sanctity” entails the couple concentrating solely on their wholehearted love for one another. The greater their love, and the greater their wish for good and righteous children, the holier their sexual union, through which they merit having such children (above, 1:4 and 2:5-6; below, 3:3).",
+ "In contrast, the less love and devotion they have toward one another, the more flawed their sexual union, and the greater the likelihood of imperfections within their children. The Talmud lists nine types of flaws in marital sexual relations as well as the resulting imperfections in children conceived through such unions: “Children of fear and rape; children of antipathy; children of ostracism; children of exchange; children of strife; children of drunkenness; children of estrangement; children of entanglement; and children of brazenness” (Nedarim 20b):",
+ "1. Children of fear and rape: The husband threatens his wife and coerces her into having sexual relations, or the wife forces her husband to have sexual relations with her with coercion or intimidation.",
+ "2. Children of antipathy: The husband despises his wife and has sex with her only to satisfy his urges, or the wife despises her husband and has sex with him only to satisfy her urges.",
+ "3. Children of ostracism: The couple has sexual relations when one of them has been excommunicated. Although a person who is excommunicated is not prohibited from having sexual relations (Shakh, YD 334:12), nevertheless, since the rest of the community must distance themselves from such people until they repair their actions, sexual intimacy with them does not have the proper devotion and joy.",
+ "4. Children of exchange: During sexual intercourse, the husband is thinking about another woman or the wife about another man.",
+ "5. Children of strife: The couple is in the middle of an argument and they have sexual relations before making up. Their quarrel does not permit them to forgo their ona, but they have a duty to make up before having sexual relations.",
+ "6. Children of drunkenness: If a couple has sexual relations while one of them is drunk, their union lacks the complete focus on their love and unity.",
+ "7. Children of estrangement: When one of the couple wants to divorce, even if they still have love for each other, their union is incomplete.",
+ "8. Children of entanglement: A woman divorces and remarries someone else within three months (leading to confusion about paternity).",
+ "9. Children of brazenness: When a woman demands sex from her husband in a brazen, coarse, or foul-mouthed manner, or a husband from his wife, such a union contains no love, only the satisfying of lust.",
+ "Masekhet Kalla (1:16) introduces a tenth category, children of sleeping: When a man has sexual relations with his wife while she is sleeping, such a union lacks mutual love.",
+ "It is said of people conceived under these nine circumstances that since their souls are drawn down to this world by means of a union devoid of love and unity, they are flawed, making it difficult for them to connect to the sacred or to overcome their evil impulses. In addition, when parents lack love and understanding, their feelings of distance and alienation negatively impact the children, who need an environment of love, friendship, stability, and emotional warmth in order to thrive.",
+ "Of course, children conceived under these circumstances have free will like everyone else, and if they choose to do what is right, their reward will be even greater, for they will have overcome their evil impulse as well as the poor role models they witnessed at home. However, if they do not make the effort to improve themselves, their tendency toward wickedness will prevail.",
+ "When peaceful harmony between husband and wife is compromised throughout the Jewish people, and many children are conceived from flawed unions, it causes a rift between God and the Jewish people, leading to the exile of the people from their land. The purpose of the travails of exile is to purge Israel of its sinners and rebels, born of flawed unions, and to restore and rekindle faith, leading to Israel’s ultimate redemption. As it says, “I will remove from you those who rebel and transgress against Me; I will take them out of the countries where they sojourn, but they shall not enter upon the soil of Israel. Then you shall know that I am the Lord” (Yeḥezkel 20:38; see also 20:40-44)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Inappropriate Times for Sexual Relations",
+ "Marital sexual relations are prohibited during times of national crisis, such as widespread famine or war. Only those who have not yet fulfilled the mitzva of procreation may be intimate during such times (Ta’anit 11a; SA 240:12; MB ad loc. 47). On mikveh night, many permit marital sexual relations even in times of crisis (SA 574:4). Others are stringent (MA). If a man’s urge is overpowering him, making him likely to sin, he may have sexual relations with his wife even when the world is in crisis (MB 240:46).",
+ "On Yom Kippur and Tisha Be-Av, sexual relations are forbidden as one of the five activities prohibited on these major fast days. In order to ensure that they not end up sinning, husband and wife should behave on these days as they do while she is a nidda. That is, they should neither touch each other, nor sleep in the same bed (SA 615:1; MB ad loc. 1). However, during the day of Tisha Be-Av, which is not as strict, they may touch, since there is little concern that it will lead to intimacy. Still, even on the day of Tisha Be-Av, they may not touch affectionately or sleep in the same bed (Peninei Halakha: Zemanim 10:9; Peninei Halakha: Yamim Nora’im 8:7).",
+ "A person observing the seven-day mourning period (shiva) may not have sexual relations, because the mitzva of ona must be fulfilled joyfully, while a mourner is grieving (Mo’ed Katan 15b; SA YD 383:1). However, a mourner need not observe the additional rabbinical restrictions (harḥakot) of nidda. Therefore, husband and wife may touch, and she may make his bed in his presence. Still, hugging and kissing of a sexual nature are prohibited (Rema, YD 383:1; Nehar Mitzrayim, Hilkhot Avelut §113; Shulḥan Gavo’ah 342:14). If the mourner plans to sleep in their own bed, the couple must separate their beds to avoid a situation that may lead to sexual intimacy (SA ad loc.). It would seem that a comforting hug and a polite kiss are permitted, as long as they are not sexual in nature. Upon conclusion of the shiva, the couple should resume fulfilling the mitzva of ona completely. It is even a mitzva for the wife to adorn herself for that purpose, even during the thirty-day mourning period (SA YD 381:6)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Privacy",
+ "Privacy (tzni’ut; lit. “hiddenness”) is an expression of the sanctity of the mitzva of ona; Rashi explains the Sages’ exhortation to sanctify oneself: “Engage in sexual relations in a private manner” (Nidda 71a). This precious mitzva is meant to express the complete unity between husband and wife, so it is forbidden to expose it before others, and it is forbidden for others to discuss it. Every couple has its own special way of being together, which encompasses a whole world. Any couple lucky enough to be madly in love feels that there is nothing else like their love in the whole world. The Kabbala likewise explains that at the moment when husband and wife achieve true unity, light and blessing spread through all the worlds. Since their union is so profound, it should be kept like a secret between them.",
+ "Sexual intimacy must therefore take place at home or in an enclosed, private area. It is forbidden to have intercourse in public or in an open space, even if there is no one there to see it. Those who do so look like they are behaving promiscuously and habituating themselves to sinfulness, for which they deserve to be punished (Sanhedrin 46a; SA EH 25:4). ",
+ "It is forbidden to have sexual relations in the presence of any other person, even someone who is sleeping, for they may wake up. Technically, a couple may have sexual relations in the presence of a preverbal baby; however, this, too, is inappropriate, and is therefore permitted only when there is no other option, and when the baby is sleeping. If the baby wakes up while the couple are still having intercourse, they may continue. Le-khatḥila, there should not be pets, such as dogs or cats, present.",
+ "It is customary for the couple to be under covers during sexual intercourse, even where there is no light (see Darkhei Tahara 22:39).",
+ "The couple must keep the time of their sexual relations private. During intercourse, they should be careful that their voices cannot be heard by others. It is also proper for the wife to be discreet about when she goes to the mikveh, so that no one will sense that she is going (Rema, YD 198:48).",
+ "To ensure that intimacy takes place joyfully and in private, without concern that children or guests might suddenly enter the room, the couple should make sure to lock the door to their room. They should do so every night when they go to sleep, so that it is not obvious when they are fulfilling the mitzva. They should also not let one of the children sleep in their room.",
+ "Husband and wife should not tell others about their lovemaking practices. Only when necessary, to seek guidance and obtain advice, may this information be divulged. Furthermore, a couple may not speak about their intimacy in a coarse or foul-mouthed manner, such as in the manner of those who tell dirty jokes (MT, Laws of Dispositions 5:4).",
+ "It is likewise forbidden to talk about anyone else’s sex lives unnecessarily, and all such talk is considered nivul peh (vulgar, explicit, or foul language). It transforms vibrant discussion whose purpose is to increase blessing into repulsive, dead speech. Such talk can be compared to a decaying carcass (nevela), which is forbidden to eat. The Sages say, “Everyone knows why a bride enters the ḥuppa, but if someone speaks about it in a vulgar manner, then even if the heavenly court had sealed a decree of seventy good years on his behalf, it will all turn bad on him” (Shabbat 33a).",
+ "Guests may have sexual relations as long as they have a closed room, there is no concern that the hosts will be aware of it, and they leave no evidence on the sheets.",
+ "It is proper for a couple to refrain from behaving in a way that expresses their desire for one another in front of others (Rema, EH 21:5). A polite hug or kiss, in a society where this is considered acceptable, is not a breach of modesty, but if it expresses sexual desire, it is immodest, for the love between husband and wife is a very deep and personal matter. Exposing it in front of others trivializes it and cheapens it. The couple should also be sensitive to the fact that such displays of affection can cause pain and stir up jealousy among those who are not privileged to be in such a relationship."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Sexual Intimacy with the Lights On",
+ "It is forbidden to have sexual relations during the day, as it is forbidden to do so in the light. This is a matter of modesty and privacy, which is a characteristic Jewish trait (Yevamot 79a). The Sages said, “The Jewish people are holy; they do not have sexual relations during the day” (Nidda 17a). Similarly, it is prohibited to have sexual relations at night where there is light (SA 240:11). This does not mean that the room must be pitch dark; rather, if moonlight comes into the room, sexual relations are permitted as long as it does not truly illuminate them. Some people are stringent when possible, closing the blinds or curtains to block out even this light (see MB 240:39).",
+ "This prohibition is limited to the conjugal act itself, which must be private and hidden, deep and sublime, as befits this holy mitzva. There is also a concern that perhaps in the light, a man’s wife will seem less attractive to him. The basis of their love is infinite, transcending external beauty, but when they have sexual relations in the light, it becomes limited, dependent on external appearances, and no longer an expression of their endless love. The inner beauty and mystery of their lovemaking is liable to dissipate, which can have a deleterious effect on their relationship. We find a similar phenomenon in the Amida prayer: because it is so sublime and profound, it must be whispered, unlike the other prayers and blessings, which are said aloud. (See Tikkunei Zohar §10, 25a for the comparison of intimacy with the Amida.)",
+ "In a darkened room, since it is nightlike, sexual relations are permitted even during the day. If a couple find that their lovemaking is more enjoyable during the day (for example, when they know they will be too tired at night), it is better for them to have sexual relations during the day, in a darkened room. The Talmud relates that this was the custom of King Monobaz’s household, whom the Sages praised for fulfilling the mitzva of ona joyfully (Nidda 17a). Likewise, if a man returns home in the middle of the day from the army or a long trip, he and his wife may darken their room and have sexual relations during the day, even le-khatḥila. Nevertheless, when there is no special need or advantage to having sexual relations during the day, it is best saved for the night, the time that is most suitable and affords the most privacy.",
+ "In a time of need, when it is impossible to make the room dark, a Torah scholar may have relations with his wife during the day, provided that they cover their bodies and heads with a blanket. The Sages did not extend this permit to others even in times of need, lest they become lax in this regard (Rema 240:11). However, under pressing circumstances, when a man sees that his urges are overpowering him and he is liable to violate the prohibition of wasting seed (hotza’at zera le-vatala), he may have relations with his wife during the day, on condition that they cover their bodies and heads with a blanket (Ḥokhmat Adam 128:9; SHT 240:25).",
+ "At night, if a couple is in a room with lights on or a lit candle, they may not have sexual relations even if they cover themselves with a blanket. Rather, they must put out the light. Even on Friday night, when it is forbidden to put out the lights, they may not have sexual relations even when completely covered by a blanket, as the Sages proscribed relations in a lit-up room (SA 240:11). If the light is coming from outside the room, then the law is the same as during the day; in times of need, a Torah scholar may be lenient and rely on the darkness provided by a blanket, and under pressing circumstances, anyone may rely on this leniency (MB ad loc. 41)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / In the Presence of Sacred Texts",
+ "Even though the sanctity of the mitzva of ona is very great, it is still necessary to separate different realms; the mitzva of ona involves unbounded physical liberation and joy, whereas Torah must be studied with a sense of dread, awe, fear, and trembling, and a Torah scroll must be treated with seriousness and gravity (as explained below, 3:9). Therefore, marital relations are forbidden in a room in which there is a Torah scroll written with ink on parchment as it was written at Mount Sinai. If at all possible, the Torah scroll should be removed from the room. If that is not an option, a barrier must be set up between the Torah and the bed in such a way that the scroll is considered to be in a separate domain. The barrier must be at least ten tefaḥim (30 in or 76 cm) high and four amot (6 ft or 1.82 m) wide (Darkhei Tahara 22:41). The scroll must also not be visible to the couple.",
+ "It is forbidden to have sexual relations in a room where there are tefilin, a mezuza, or any other handwritten sacred text. However, if one covers these objects with two covers, it is permitted. The regular tefilin case or mezuza cover can serve as the first cover, but the second covering must be specifically for this purpose. The tefilin must be covered with a sheet or towel or placed in an additional case. Usually, a mezuza already has two covers, at least one of which is opaque, making it permissible to have sexual relations (or change a baby’s diaper, etc.) in that room.",
+ "As for printed Torah texts on a shelf or elsewhere in the room, their binding serves as one cover, and it is proper to cover them with an additional cover, like cloth or paper. Under pressing circumstances, when this is impossible to do so, they may have sexual relations provided that they make sure to cover themselves with a blanket, so that they are not naked in the presence of the books.",
+ "Some say that it is necessary to perform netilat yadayim (ritual handwashing) after relations (Shlah; Darkhei Tahara 24:3). However, in practice, there is no obligation to do this, and those who wish to go straight to sleep may do so."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Anal Intercourse",
+ "Normal sexual intercourse is vaginal, but some people desire anal intercourse, which the Talmud calls bi’a she-lo ke-darka, “abnormal intercourse.” Clearly, if anal sexual intercourse is painful for the wife or done against her wishes, it is forbidden. But what if she consents or even desires it? The Talmud records (Nedarim 20b) that the Sages ruled that it is not prohibited. On the other hand, we learn (Yevamot 34b) that the sin of Yehuda’s sons, Er and Onan, was that they penetrated Tamar anally, thereby wasting their seed. This was evil in God’s eyes (Bereishit 38:7 and 38:10), and He put them to death.",
+ "Most Rishonim explain that when a couple engages in anal intercourse in order to avoid pregnancy, it is considered a waste of seed and is forbidden. However, if they engage in it occasionally, it is not prohibited. Some Rishonim explain that the Sages permitted anal sexual intercourse as long as the husband does not ejaculate in the anus. Rather, the couple must later engage in vaginal intercourse, culminating in ejaculation. Some halakhic authorities forbid even this.",
+ "In practice, a man who feels a need may rely on the opinion of most poskim, who permit this on occasion, as long as his wife consents.",
+ "Some say that even vaginal intercourse should take place with the man on top of the woman, face to face (i.e., the missionary position). Some are very insistent on this. Although there is something virtuous about this, technically all possible positions are permitted, as long as both spouses desire them. If changing position enhances the pleasure of either spouse, then doing so is a fulfillment of the mitzva of simḥat ona. However, if neither spouse wants to change, it is preferable for their sexual relations to take place in the optimal manner, namely the missionary position. Even if they find a different position more enjoyable, when they are trying to conceive it is better to use the missionary position."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Oral Sex",
+ "The Talmud relates that R. Yoḥanan b. Dahavai said, “The ministering angels told me four things…. Why are people born mute? Because [their fathers] kissed the vagina…. Why are people born blind? Because [their fathers] gazed at the vagina” (Nedarim 20a). However, at the conclusion of the discussion, the Talmud states that this is a solitary opinion, whereas the Sages’ opinion is that these practices are not prohibited (ibid. 20b).",
+ "Some Rishonim are stringent, saying that cunnilingus is forbidden, as is gazing at the vagina, though there is no danger involved (Raavad). Other Rishonim say that doing so is permitted, but that it is pious to show concern for potential danger (Smak). Nevertheless, according to the vast majority of Rishonim, R. Yoḥanan b. Dahavai’s opinion is rejected, and the halakha follows the Sages, who maintain that doing so is neither prohibited nor dangerous. Some of those Rishonim even maintain that there is no less holiness in doing so (Yere’im). Many, though, think that while doing so is neither prohibited nor dangerous, a holier and more modest practice is to refrain (Rambam; Smak; Rema, EH 25:2).",
+ "In practice, since most Rishonim are lenient, and even those who forbid it agree that the prohibition is rabbinic, it is not prohibited. However, because most Rishonim feel that modesty and holiness make it preferable to be stringent, it is proper to show concern for their opinion (Rema, EH 25:2). However, if one spouse finds it very enjoyable, and their enjoyment will be marred without it, then the joy of the mitzva of ona overrides the stringent opinions, and the couple should follow the majority of the poskim. If they wish to be stringent, they can refrain from this when there is a possibility of conception. If either spouse finds it repulsive, they should follow the stringent view.",
+ "There are no limitations on a wife seeing or kissing her husband’s penis. Still, they should not do anything that repulses either one of them. If a specific act is particularly enjoyable for one of them, then even if the other one is not so interested in it, as long as they are not repulsed, there is an element of mitzva in it, for whatever adds to the love and joy of their intimate relations is part of the mitzva of ona as well as the mitzva to “love your fellow as yourself.”"
+ ]
+ ],
+ [
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Depraved Lust",
+ "The human sex drive is a powerful thing; it can be extraordinarily positive, and it can drag people down to the depths of depravity. It can lead a person to pursue another person’s spouse, to engage in forbidden sexual relations, to destroy families, and ruin lives in this world as well as the next. A person in the thrall of this powerful urge can lose all discretion and act irrationally. As the Sages commented about sin in general and this sin in particular: “A person does not commit a sin unless a spirit of foolishness enters him” (Sota 3a).",
+ "Thus, we find people who really want to do the right thing, who marry with every intention of being faithful to their spouse, yet who give space to the evil inclination, which becomes more and more powerful. Eventually, they reach the point where they are prepared to break their wedding vows, betray their spouse, make their children miserable, throw away their money, and destroy their social standing.",
+ "The wise author of Mishlei warns of this numerous times: “It will save you from the other woman, from the foreign woman whose talk is smooth…. Her house sinks down to death, and her course leads to the shades. All who go to her cannot return and find again the paths of life” (2:16-19). He further adjures: “My son, listen to my wisdom; incline your ear to my insight…for the lips of another woman drip honey; her mouth is smoother than oil; but in the end she is as bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold of She’ol…. Let your fountain be blessed; find joy in the wife of your youth. She is a loving doe, a graceful mountain goat. Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be infatuated with love of her always. Why be infatuated, my son, with another woman? Why clasp the bosom of a foreign woman?” (5:1-20). And finally: “It will keep you from an evil woman, from the smooth tongue of a forbidden woman. Do not lust for her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes. The last loaf of bread will go for a harlot; a married woman will snare a person of honor” (6:24-26)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Free Will",
+ "Since desire and lust can bring a person so low, some gentile philosophers and theologians maintain that the way to reach spiritual heights is to stay as far as possible from lust and desire. Some rejected marriage entirely, and other support marriage solely for the purpose of procreation while admonishing men and women alike to stay as far as they can from carnal lust, as it is shameful for people to so degrade themselves.",
+ "The Torah, however, teaches that there is nothing shameful about sexual relations between husband and wife, for this is how God created people, and something that is so basic to the very existence of the world, that brings new life into the world, cannot possibly be shameful. On the contrary, it contains an element of sanctity (Maharal, Be’er Ha-gola 5:4).",
+ "God created us with a good impulse and an evil impulse, commanding us to choose the good: “I call heaven and earth today to witness against you this day: I have put before you life and death, blessing and curse; choose life – so that you and your offspring will live” (Devarim 30:19).",
+ "The root of both impulses is one, and God gave us free will to direct our impulse toward good or toward evil. Consider our craving for food: it can be channeled toward gluttony, which destroy health and causes people to forget Godly ideals, or it can be directed toward refined consumption that gives a person the opportunity to thank God and increases joy and health. The stronger and more important an impulse, the greater its power, for good or evil. There is nothing stronger than the human sex drive, through which new life is born and divine unity is revealed in the world. Therefore, when this desire is directed toward evil, toward promiscuity and adultery, there is nothing worse. But when it is directed toward good, increasing love and unity between spouses, there is nothing nobler or holier.",
+ "This is the meaning of the statement, “If husband and wife are worthy, the Shekhina is with them; if they are not, fire consumes them” (Sota 17a; see 1:1 above). When a couple expresses their natural drives within the sacred framework of marriage, the Shekhina dwells with them. However, if they direct their sexual drive toward promiscuity and adultery, God’s presence disappears. They are left only with the fire of their lust, which will never be satisfied. It will consume them in this world and the next."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Two Levels of Sanctity in Marriage",
+ "There are two levels in the sanctity of marriage. The basic level is when a couple upholds their marriage vows, remaining faithful and not betraying each other. The higher level is when a couple also tries to deepen their love, makes efforts to please and satisfy each other to the best of their ability, and intend to have children and raising them for a life of Torah and mitzvot. The more mindful and intentional they are, the higher they rise through the levels of sanctity.",
+ "Raavad writes that there are four types of intention one can have for the mitzva of ona, three of which are commendable, and one which is a lesser form of intention, though the mitzva is still fulfilled. The motivations are: 1) to bring joy and satisfaction to one’s spouse through sexual intimacy; 2) to fulfill the mitzva of procreation; 3) during pregnancy, to intend for the loving and joyful sexual union to make the unborn child healthy, energetic, and good-natured (Nidda 31a; see also 1:4 above). The fourth motivation is less admirable, but it still involves fulfilling the mitzva of ona and receiving reward for it: a man has sexual relations with his wife because he senses his sexual drive overpowering him, so that he does not lust after other women (Raavad, Ba’alei Ha-nefesh, Sha’ar Ha-kedusha; Tur §240). This type of intention is the most basic level of marital sanctity, whereas the first three belong to the higher level, as we will explain.",
+ "The basic level of sanctity is the faithful preservation of the marital covenant. Even if each spouse is more interested in satisfying their own drives than giving their spouse pleasure, as long as they do not betray one another, there is sanctity in their marriage. As the Sages said, “If husband and wife are worthy, the Shekhina is with them; if they are not, fire consumes them” (Sota 17a). Rashi explains: “‘If they are worthy’ – they walk the straight and narrow; neither he nor she commits adultery.”",
+ "Accordingly, the marital bond between husband and wife is called “kiddushin,” which is related to the word “kadosh,” sacred. The wording of the berakha recited upon kiddushin is as follows: Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, Who sanctified us with His mitzvot, and has commanded us concerning forbidden unions, forbidding betrothed women to us and permitting to us the women to whom we are wedded by means of ḥuppa and kiddushin. Blessed are You, Lord, Who sanctifies His people Israel by means of ḥuppa and kiddushin.",
+ "Moreover, even if someone initially got married to gratify his desires, if he adheres to the framework of a halakhic marriage, over time he will progress toward a deeper love. It stands to reason that he will undergo a crisis when his initial passion wanes, but his loyalty to halakha and his marriage vows will save him from being unfaithful. He will therefore be able to deepen his relationship with his wife, connecting to her with love and great joy, and ascending to the second level of sanctity in marriage.",
+ "The higher level of sanctity is that of those who achieve unity through true love. In the case of a husband, the more he thinks about his wife’s well-being, the higher he ascends in this sanctity. In order for him to want to pleasure his wife, their sexual union must be enjoyable for him, too (section 14 below), though his primary goal remains bringing his wife pleasure. Should a conflict arise between his own desires and what his wife enjoys, he prioritizes her enjoyment over satisfying his desire. The same applies to the wife; the more she considers the well-being of her husband and brings him joy through her passion, the higher she ascends in sanctity.",
+ "The two levels of marriage reflect the two meanings of the word “kadosh” (“sacred”): a) separate and distinct, and b) transcendent, eternal, and divine. When a marriage is at the basic level, the husband and wife separate themselves from all the other men and women in the world. When a marriage is at the higher level, the couple’s intimate connection reveals the spark that is divine, eternal, and transcendent."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Between Love and Lust",
+ "Two paths are available to couples: on the good path, the emphasis is on love; on the bad path, the emphasis is on lust. One who follows the evil impulse cares only about himself, chasing women to satisfy his desires. In contrast, one who follows his good impulse wishes to truly love his wife and bring her maximum pleasure. At the very least, he remains faithful to her. Someone who lusts and someone who loves resemble each other at first, but then the paths diverge. The lust of someone who follows his evil impulse does not last, and all his relationships fall apart, ending in disappointment. In contrast, the sacred love of someone who follows the good path grows ever stronger and deeper.",
+ "Occasionally, a person following the path of the evil impulse appears to be willing to do anything for his partner. In order to gratify his desires, he is prepared to go to great lengths to court her, spend exorbitant amounts of money on her, buy her expensive jewelry, pay her endless compliments, and even rejoice in whatever makes her happy. However, because his primary intention is self-gratification, he is really using her. In general, despite his pronouncements and declarations, he would prefer not to marry, since he can satisfy his lusts without marriage. Even if he does agree to get married, as long as his primary objective is self-gratification, he will never truly love his wife. Rather, he will merely exploit her body, so their relationship will grow weaker and weaker.",
+ "In extreme cases of being driven by lust, a man is even willing to rape a woman to satisfy his evil impulse. Such an act is motivated by sheer lust and completely devoid of love. On the contrary, when he comes back to his senses, he will hate his victim, just as Amnon hated Tamar after he raped her: “Amnon felt a very great loathing for her” (2 Shmuel 13:15). Lust attempts to take the place of love, but once sobriety returns, the rapist realizes that he still feels hollow and depressed. But instead of loathing himself, he projects his loathing onto the woman he raped.",
+ "In contrast, a man who follows the path of love wants a truly loving relationship with his wife. He is very careful not to hurt her, and he tries to give her as much joy as he can. Above all, he cares about her and her well-being. As time goes on, their relationship deepens. Although they get older, the years do not wear them down. Instead, their love intensifies, and they become infinitely close. Such love is precious, sacred, and unabashed."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Sanctity of Avoiding Sexual Transgression",
+ "As we have learned, the basic level of sanctity in marriage is when a husband and wife form a halakhic relationship and avoid sexual transgressions (gilui arayot). Rambam lists 37 Torah prohibitions in his Laws of Sexual Prohibitions, which can be divided into five categories:",
+ "Incest, including sexual relations between a man and his mother, daughter, sister, aunt, sister-in-law, stepdaughter, or step-granddaughter. This category includes most of the sexual prohibitions.",
+ "Sexual relations between those who are forbidden from marrying each other: a Jew and a non-Jew; a mamzer with a non-mamzer; or a marriage involving a eunuch.",
+ "Bestiality and male homosexuality.",
+ "Adultery, i.e., sexual relations between a man and a married woman.",
+ "Sexual relations between a man and a nidda.",
+ "There is one other severe sexual transgression: the rape of a woman or man, and certainly of a minor. This crime usually involves an additional transgression as well, such as relations with a nidda, incest, or male homosexual relations. However, even when there are no accompanying prohibitions, the damage done to the rape victim is extremely serious, so much so that in a sense it is the same as murder. Thus, when speaking of rape, the Torah tells us, “For the case is like that of a man attacking another and murdering him” (Devarim 22:26).",
+ "Another seventeen mitzvot in the Torah relate to the framework of marriage. These include laws pertaining to divorce, yibum (levirate marriage), ḥalitza (levirate divorce), the laws pertaining to the seduction or rape of a young virgin, and laws pertaining to a sota (a woman whose husband suspects her of adultery).",
+ "We should not downplay the degree of sanctity achieved by one who successfully abides by all these rules and mitzvot, for we see that most people who are not committed to Torah and mitzvot do not manage to preserve their marital covenant. Even among the religiously observant, not everyone manages to resist temptation.",
+ "The Sages said: “One who sits passively and does not sin is rewarded as if he did a mitzva. R. Shimon bar Rabbi [Yehuda Ha-Nasi] said: It says, “But make sure that you do not partake of the blood; for the blood is the life” (Devarim 12:23). If a person is rewarded for avoiding [drinking] blood, which most people find disgusting, how great must the reward be for avoiding theft and sexual immorality, which most people crave and lust after. One who avoids these earns reward for himself, his children, and his descendants until the end of time.” (m. Makkot 3:16)",
+ "The Torah teaches, “You shall be holy, for I, the Lord your God, am holy” (Vayikra 19:2). Rashi explains, “Avoid forbidden sexual relations and sins. For wherever you find clear sexual boundaries, you also find holiness.” Accordingly, anyone who is faithful to his marriage is considered holy."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Mitzvot as a Safeguard Against Sin",
+ "In addition to the intrinsic value of the mitzva of ona, which gives expression to the love between husband and wife, the mitzva also serves as a shield against adultery. For this reason, unmarried people are more vulnerable to sexual temptation, and they must therefore strengthen themselves through Torah study and mitzva observance so that they save the power of their love for their true and holy match through the framework of marriage. Sometimes a person’s sex drive is so strong that it is extremely difficult to resist. In that case, the more one bolstered himself through Torah study and mitzva observance, the more he finds the strength to resist temptation.",
+ "The Talmud (Menaḥot 44a) recounts: Natan said: There is no mitzva in the Torah, not even a minor one, whose reward is not enjoyed in this world. As for reward in the next world, who knows how great it will be! Go and learn this from the mitzva of tzitzit. A certain man was very meticulous in observing the mitzva of tzitzit. He heard about a prostitute, in one of the towns by the sea, who charged 400 gold coins as her wages. He sent her 400 gold coins, and arranged a time to meet. At the appointed time, he sat at the door. Her maidservant came and told her, “The man who sent you 400 gold coins has arrived and is waiting at the door.” She replied, “Let him in,” and he entered. She had set for him seven beds, six silver and one gold. Between each bed was a silver ladder, and the uppermost was of gold. She climbed up and sat naked on the topmost bed. He, too, started to climb up in order to be naked with her. While he was climbing up, his four tzitziyot hit him in the face. He climbed down and sat on the ground. Then she, too, climbed down and sat on the ground. She exclaimed, “By Rome! I will not let you go until you tell me what flaw you saw in me!” He responded, “By the Temple service! I have never seen a woman as beautiful as you. But the Lord our God has given us a mitzva called tzitzit, in the context of which it is twice written, ‘I am the Lord your God’ (Bambidbar 15:41). This means ‘I am the One Who will exact punishment in the future, and I am the One Who will give reward in the future.’ At this moment, these fringes appeared to me as four witnesses [testifying against me].” She said to him, “I will not let you go until you tell me what your name is, what city you are from, who your rabbi is, and the name of the beit midrash in which you study Torah.” He wrote it down and gave it to her. She immediately divided all her property into three parts: one third she gave to the government (so that they would permit her to convert to Judaism), one third to the poor (to atone for her sins), and one third she kept for herself, as well as the bedspreads. She then went to R. Ḥiya’s beit midrash. She said to him, “Rabbi, tell me what I must do to convert to Judaism.” He replied, “My child, perhaps you have your eyes set on one of the students?” [He was concerned that she wanted to marry one of the students because she could not find a husband among her own people, or because she wanted his money, but did not really want to convert for the sake of heaven.] She took out the note and handed it to him. [The note contained the specifics of the incident, which demonstrated that she was both wealthy and desired by many, but that she chose this student because of his greatness of spirit. R. Ḥiya therefore agreed to convert her.] He said to her, “Go and collect what you acquired.” The same bedding that she spread out for him sinfully, she now spread out for him lawfully. This is the reward for a mitzva in this world. As for the next world, who knows how great it will be!",
+ "Therefore, we see that when the sex drive spills over into licentiousness, it is wicked. But when it is expressed within the framework of a proper marriage, it is good and holy, and is even considered a heavenly reward."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Mental and Spiritual Health",
+ "It is important to add that joyful fulfillment of the mitzva of ona improves one’s mental health and well-being. God created human beings with different drives, with the sex drive prominent among them. While not everyone is the same with regard to this drive – some experience it more intensely, and some less – everyone has it. Someone who does not feel it at all suffers from an emotional handicap. For most people, the sex drive is the strongest drive of all. Repressing it can distort and pervert the psyche, making it hard for that person to fulfill their purpose as a human being. This is what the Sages meant when they said, “Any man without a wife is not a man (adam), as it states (Bereishit 5:2), ‘Male and female He created them. He blessed them and called them Adam’” (Yevamot 63a). Since the sex drive is so powerful, it is difficult to resist. This is why the Torah had to give us so many mitzvot aimed at regulating and channeling it.",
+ "Some men and women mistakenly believe that by suppressing this inclination and minimizing their onot, they will become holier and more spiritual. However, this may very well backfire, for sometimes if a person does not allow this drive to be expressed within the framework of halakha, and instead adds limitations that the Torah does not require, it can result in severe sins of sexual transgressions. Therefore, if a man naturally needs more times of ona than those set by the Sages, he should not try to suppress his needs and behave like everyone else. Similarly, if a woman senses that her husband requires more ona times, she should encourage him to add more, since that is appropriate and good for him, and allows him to retain his holiness. But, if he suppresses his needs and ignores what is right for him, his evil inclination is likely to urge him to get involved with other women or even young girls. It is known that men who commit adultery and rape minors are often undergoing an extended period of time without regular, healthy sexual relations.",
+ "At the higher level of sanctity, this drive is channeled into the sacred framework of marriage so that it increases love and joy. The couple can thus connect with the very root of life; when they fulfill the mitzva of ona, they draw down a divine spark and reveal it to the world. As R. Akiva said, “If husband and wife are worthy, the Shekhina is with them” (Sota 17a; see also Zohar Ra’aya Mehemna III 34a). This explains what the kabbalists meant when they wrote that one who does not feel this urge is inferior to a donkey because he lacks the ability to fully understand anything, and he can never truly love God (Reishit Ḥokhma, Sha’ar Ha-ahava, end of ch. 4).",
+ "We have learned (1:5 above) that the foundation of the Jewish faith is discovering the world’s ultimate unity, and that the mitzva of ona, when fulfilled with an abundance of love and desire, reveals unity within the world. It is through this passion that two completely distinct individuals become one. Body and soul take part in the mitzva together. Even the evil inclination is transformed for the better and unites with the good inclination to enhance the couple’s joy and love. The result is that they are able to connect to the Source of life, refine their faith, and actively work for the perfection and redemption of the world. Something within them unites with the divine spark, from which new life is brought forth. Thus, they become God’s partners in bringing a new soul to the world (Nidda 31a)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Purity and Impurity",
+ "We still need to explain two halakhot, one Torah law and one rabbinic, that seem to indicate that despite the sanctity of the mitzva of ona, it has an aspect of impurity as well.",
+ "According to the Torah, semen ejaculated by a Jew is a source of impurity (av ha-tuma). Even when a husband and wife have marital sexual relations and fulfill the Torah commandment, since he ejaculated inside her, they both become impure, as they have come into direct contact with a source of impurity (they have the status of rishon le-tuma). To purify themselves, they must immerse in a mikveh and wait until nightfall, whereupon they resume their ritually pure status and are permitted to enter the Temple, eat the meat of the sacrifices, and, if they are kohanim, eat teruma. Similarly, clothing and kelim that have come into contact with a Jewish man’s semen become ritually impure and may not be used or worn while handling sacrifices or objects that must retain their pure status. These items are purified through immersion in a mikveh. In the Torah’s words: When a man has an emission of semen, he shall bathe his whole body in water and remain impure until evening. All cloth or leather on which semen falls shall be washed in water and remain impure until evening. And a woman with whom a man has sexual relations and an emission of semen, they shall bathe in water and remain impure until evening. (Vayikra 15:16-18)",
+ "Ritual impurity, tuma, is an expression of life lost. The supreme source of tuma (avi avot ha-tuma) is a corpse. The impurity of nidda also expresses death; this was a potential pregnancy that has been lost and is no longer. The impurity of semen is likewise an expression of something that could have created new life but has now been lost and has died (Kuzari 2:60-62). The Torah teaches us that even when semen is ejaculated in fulfillment of the mitzva of ona, it harbors impurity. Likewise, we find that childbirth renders a woman impure. The idea is that when any grand notion descends to this world, there is a certain aspect of death. The vision is always grander than its realization. In this case, the hopes preceding a birth are grandiose. There is a tendency to believe that the whole world will change for the better because of this birth, and that the newborn child will be absolutely perfect. In reality, after birth we return to routine life, with its aches, pains, and exhaustion. Despite the miracle of birth, the new baby will still need to contend with all the challenges of human life. Even our bodies sense this letdown, which is an aspect of post-partum depression.",
+ "A man, too, experiences letdown after ejaculation, even though it occurs within the holy context of the mitzva of ona. Beforehand, he believed that he will soon be closer than ever to his beloved wife, and that everything will always be great. His heart fills with passion and excitement, building until its release during ejaculation. But then he falls back to the routine of this world, his passion drained. In contrast, women do not experience this fall. After orgasm, her return to this world is gentle and easy. When their sexual union is loving and joyful, her feelings of satisfaction and contentment linger for a while. Therefore, the man’s semen is impure, but not the fluids secreted by the woman during arousal.",
+ "Perhaps the letdown that a man experiences after orgasm expresses human incompleteness. Even when one is truly in love, true unity between two people is fleeting. Even when a man truly wishes bring joy to his wife, he remains, to some degree, within himself. He fails to harness all of his passion to that love. If this were possible, there would be no more death in the world, no more post-coital tristesse, and no more post-partum depression.",
+ "The Sages allude to this in their explanation of the impurity of childbirth: “Indeed, I was born with iniquity; with sin my mother conceived me” (Tehilim 51:7). R. Aḥa explained: Even if a person is the most devout of the devout, it is impossible for him to be completely devoid of sin. David said to God, “Master of the universe! Did my father Yishai intend to create me? He had nothing in mind but his own pleasure! We know that this is true, for after they attend to their needs (i.e., after sexual intercourse), one turns this way and one turns that way (and they fall asleep). You, however, gather in every single drop (of semen, to ensure that there are viable fetuses).” This is what David meant when he said, “Though my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will take me in” (Tehilim 27:10). (Vayikra Rabba 14:5)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Ezra’s Ordinance",
+ "As we mentioned above, the Torah declares semen impure. Ezra the Scribe and his court extended this, ordaining that any man who had sexual relations or otherwise ejaculated semen may not pray or study Torah until immersing in a mikveh (BK 82b according to Rosh). The reason is that Torah must be studied with “awe, fear, trembling, and trepidation,” just as we received it at Sinai, whereas semen is ejaculated “out of frivolity and arrogance” (Berakhot 22a and Rashi ad loc.). Another reason is “so that Jews are not like roosters, which mate, get right up, and go eat” (y. Berakhot 3:4), or “so that Torah scholars do not constantly cohabit with their wives, like roosters” (Berakhot 22a).",
+ "According to all of these reasons, Ezra’s ordinance does not indicate that there is something wrong with sexual intimacy between husband and wife. Rather, they should not overindulge as does a rooster, which has nothing else to live for. Human beings have other purposes, spiritual as well as professional. If people spent all their time mating like roosters, they would not manage to fill all their other roles. The requirement of immersion creates a certain inconvenience whose purpose is to ensure that people fulfill the mitzva of ona with the appropriate frequency and not to excess.",
+ "Additionally, immersion is meant to separate between the different realms of a person’s life. Torah must be studied with the appropriate gravitas, with a sense of fear and awe, whereas the mitzva of ona is fulfilled with a spirit of playfulness, liberation, and unbounded joy, as it is written: “Yitzḥak was being playful with Rivka his wife” (Bereishit 26:8). Rashi explains that “being playful” is a euphemism for sexual relations. This is similar to the Sages’ ordinance that men wear belts while they are speaking holy words, to separate the heart from the genitals, lest the urges emanating from the genitalia confound the head and heart and make it difficult to engage in spiritual matters with the requisite purity. Ultimately, the mind and emotions can become enslaved to the realization of lustful fantasies. Therefore, in order to fortify his spiritual world, one must study Torah with awe, fear, trembling, and trepidation, as is becoming of its sanctity and seriousness. Then, when he later returns to physicality, he will be able to direct it properly. This explains why the Sages instituted a blessing to be recited upon putting on a belt in the morning: “Who girds Israel with strength” (Ozer Yisrael bi-gevura). The strength to separate between the heart and the genitals liberates a person from being enslaved by his urges and enables him to sanctify them through the mitzva of ona.",
+ "In practice, Ezra’s ordinance did not become widespread. Some people did not want to stop studying Torah, and since they found it inconvenient to immerse, they simply refrained from sexual relations, thereby forgoing both the mitzva of ona and the mitzva of procreation. In contrast, some others were happy to fulfill the mitzva of ona, but because of the inconvenience of immersion, they simply refrained from Torah study. Many others simply ignored the ordinance, wishing neither to detract from the mitzva of ona nor to lessen their Torah study. When the Sages saw that Ezra’s enactment was not accepted by the Jewish people, they rescinded it and permitted those who had ejaculated or had sexual relations to pray and study Torah without restriction (Berakhot 22a; MT, Laws of Reciting Shema 4:8).",
+ "Nevertheless, some people are meticulous about immersing before studying Torah or praying, in accordance with Ezra’s ordinance. Others show their meticulousness by washing in nine kabin (approximately 11 liters) of water. Nowadays, when every home has a shower, it is good to be meticulous about this."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Levels of Holiness and Mindfulness",
+ "Let us review some essentials: The mitzva of ona is unique in that its sanctity is revealed in material reality. Moreover, even physical passion and desire, which are generally inclined toward the evil impulse, are transformed by it into a mitzva and sanctified. This is an especially powerful corrective; through ona we discover that no area of life is disconnected from the divine, that the Lord is God of earth as well as heaven, and that even physical urges can connect with the sacred and even strengthen it. The mitzva of ona is similar in this way to the mitzva of living in Eretz Yisrael; through both, holiness is revealed in the world (1:5 above).",
+ "Nonetheless, since the mitzva of ona is fulfilled by means of a person’s most physical elements, where lusts and urges loom large, one is prone to being overly attracted to them, to the point that one might forget the mitzva and think only about himself instead of about his wife. This is the impurity that lurks here, the flipside of this sacred mitzva. This is not meant to discourage a person from performing the mitzva, but to encourage him to refine his intentions when fulfilling it. The Sages thus encouraged one who wishes to become holier and more pious to sanctify himself through the mitzva of ona, that is, that he should be mindful of bringing his wife as much joy as possible. Ezra the Scribe, the same person who ordained that one must immerse after sexual relations, also made two enactments to increase the love between husband and wife: that they should eat garlic, an aphrodisiac, on Friday nights, thus increasing the passion of their sexual union, and that peddlers may sell perfume and jewelry everywhere, so that wives are enticing to their husbands (Bava Kama 82a-b; 2:5 above).",
+ "It is worth considering an extraordinary idea underlying interpersonal commandments, which transforms routine aspects of life into mitzvot. When a person prepares tasty food for himself, he does not fulfill any mitzva; he is simply tending to his needs. However, when he cooks tasty food for a guest, he fulfills a mitzva. This is even truer of a couple’s intimate relationship – when they give each other pleasure, they become imbued with the sanctity of the mitzva of ona, and the Shekhina dwells with them.",
+ "As we explained above (section 3), there are two primary levels of holiness within marriage. The basic level of holiness is the upholding of a halakhic marriage, avoiding sexual transgressions and observing the laws of nidda. The higher level of holiness increases the couple’s love and unity, which brings out the depth of eternal life inherent in their relationship.",
+ "Thus far, we have taken the mainstream approach, namely, that the more a couple enjoys and gives pleasure to one another, the greater their mitzva and the holier their union. However, we must note that there are two additional approaches to the holiness of ona: Rambam’s approach and the approach of ascetic sanctity. Since there is truth in each approach, it is worth studying them. This study will also allow us to explain the primary approach in a more comprehensive and balanced way."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Rambam’s Approach",
+ "Rambam, consistent with his worldview, sees bodily needs and pleasures as mere means to the ultimate end – spiritual service of God. Nevertheless, God created flesh-and-blood human beings, who must take very good care of their bodies, since it is the vehicle which allows them to study Torah and fulfill mitzvot. If a person does not take care of bodily needs, including the natural desire for sexual intercourse, it will cause deterioration of physical and mental health and loss of equilibrium. Such a person will be unable to concentrate on spiritual service. The purpose of the mitzva of marriage and the sexual prohibitions is to train every person to satisfy their natural desire for physical intimacy within the framework of halakha. The more careful one is to satisfy his own needs and those of his spouse without getting overwhelmed by physical lust, the more sanctified such a person becomes. This is the aim of the mitzva of ona: to satisfy natural sexual desire, each person according to their health and occupation, no more and no less.",
+ "When a person follows this path, then even tending to one’s physical needs is considered part of divine worship: When he has sexual intercourse, his only intention should be to keep his body healthy and produce viable offspring…. One who follows this path for his entire life serves God constantly, even while doing business and even while having sexual intercourse. For his intention is always to provide for his needs so that his body is whole, in order to serve God…. This is what our Sages meant when they commanded, “All of your actions should be for the sake of heaven” (Avot 2:12). This is also what Shlomo said, in his wisdom (Mishlei 3:6): “In all your ways, know Him, and He will make your paths smooth.” (MT, Laws of Dispositions 3:2-3).",
+ "Rambam thus disagrees with the gentile sages who praise celibacy, because he feels that it is unnatural, painful, and unhealthy. Just as we do not encourage a person to starve himself on a regular basis or to suppress his need to relieve himself, so too, we must not encourage a person to abstain from sexual relations. Even if the person’s spouse is willing, as long as abstention involves going against natural desires, they must satisfy those urges. However, since sexual relations are merely a means to an end, one should not indulge in them more than necessary. One who indulges in physical pleasures more than necessary to serve God is like an animal that always follows its natural impulses. From this perspective, “Our sense of touch is a disgrace to us” (Moreh Nevukhim II:36).",
+ "It stands to reason that the more a person is engrossed in Torah, the less he will feel this need. This is virtuous, as long as husband and wife develop this virtue in tandem. However, when one spouse has a palpable need for sexual intimacy, no attempts should be made to suppress it, for doing so will demand a constant fight against the urges. Instead of developing spiritual virtues, that spouse will be preoccupied with doing battle against the body. Not only that, but there is concern that such a person will delude himself into thinking that he has been liberated from the burden of his urges, but ultimately the repressed urges may find unrestrained expression and lead to sexual transgression. Even if he does not end up sinning, all the effort that he exerts to restrain his urges will warp his spirit and damage his mental health. The Torah therefore gave us the mitzva of ona with all its parameters, so that husband and wife, by observing halakha, will treat each other and their own bodies properly.",
+ "The advantage of Rambam’s approach is that one who follows it will not engage in self-delusion, will not try to be overly abstemious while imagining that he has successfully overcome his physical needs and ascended to the lofty virtues of asceticism and sanctity. But neither will he fool himself into constant indulgence of the body and the passions with the claim that he is “sanctifying the material” and “redeeming sparks of holiness.” The drawback of this approach is that it denies any intrinsic value to the body and the act of sexual intimacy.",
+ "Realistic, critical, and intellectual individuals love Rambam’s approach because it does not pretend to sanctify what appears profane. But even the wider public has much to gain from his approach, as it recognizes human physical needs and does not attempt to deny human nature."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Ascetic Sanctity and Sublime Love",
+ "There is another approach as well. It agrees that there is sanctity in the sexual union of husband and wife, which causes the Shekhina to dwell with them and thereby reveals divine unity in the world, unites heaven and earth, and spreads an abundance of blessing through all the worlds. However, according to this approach, these ideas are so sublime and exalted that one must take care to fulfill the mitzva of ona out of deep love and intense longing. Ideally the mitzva should be fulfilled at the most suitable time – Friday night after midnight. For on the holy Shabbat, peace is revealed in all the worlds, making it the best time for a couple to add an abundance of blessing through their sexual union (see Zohar I 50a, 112a1; III 49b).",
+ "This approach does not minimize the value of love; rather, love is exalted and transformed into a something transcendent and yearned for. The more sublime it is, the more we yearn for it, but with a yearning that is filled with awe, respect, and refinement. The husband is like a responsible king whose every action affects the entire world, and the wife like a beautiful and noble queen, refined and sensitive, whose every good deed that she does and beautiful emotion that she feels uplifts the whole world. All the battles he fights and the heroic deeds he performs are for her; all her beauty and good deeds are for him. They are willing to give their lives to remain faithful to each other. Due to their longings and mutual respect, their spiritual union stirs them to the depths of the soul and spirit, but it need not climax in physical orgasm.",
+ "The Talmud tells of R. Eliezer: They asked [R.Eliezer’s wife] Ima Shalom: “Why are your children so beautiful?” She said to them, “[R. Eliezer] does not talk [that is, have sexual relations] with me at the beginning of the night or the end of the night, but only at midnight. When he talks [has sexual relations] he reveals a tefaḥ and covers a tefaḥ, and it seems as though he is compelled by a demon [i.e., by fear and trepidation]. I asked him, ‘What is the reason for this?’ He answered, ‘So that I do not look at another woman, which would render my children mamzerim.’” (Nedarim 20b)",
+ "It as if R. Eliezer was saying, “If I lose my special reverence and respect for you, there would be no difference between you and another woman. Our union would not be complete, and it would damage our children, for this is a kind of spiritual adultery and mamzerut.”",
+ "Regarding the phrase “reveals a tefaḥ and covers a tefaḥ,” the commentators explain: “He would not thrust his penis during sexual relations, in order to minimize his pleasure” (Raavad; SA 240:8). This implies that his technique limited his own pleasure, but it is possible that it increased his wife’s pleasure. Another explanation of the phrase is that he would not expose too much of his skin or her skin. However, later poskim and kabbalists reject this explanation, as it goes against halakha as well as kabbalistic notions according to which a couple must be naked during intercourse (Kaf Ha-ḥayim 240:61).",
+ "The advantage of this approach is that those who follow it are not swept away by their physical urges, and their longing and yearning for union preserve their love. The disadvantage is that many desires remain unrequited and they lose the opportunity for experiences that they can sanctify through the mitzva of ona. Another serious drawback is that many people who follow this path delude themselves into believing that they are becoming holy, when in reality, they are repressing their desires, which may then find expression through unseemly thoughts and sexual transgressions. The pressure can also damage their mental health and warp the spirit.",
+ "Therefore, rabbis and educators caution young couples that even if they wish to follow this approach, they should not do so during the first years of marriage. Rather, they should behave normally and enjoy themselves naturally, in accordance with halakha. Later on, they can cautiously explore whether the ascetic approach is right for them. We must add that the destruction of the Temple and the pain of exile were key components in the formation of this approach, as we will explain below, in section 15; indeed, during the generation after the Temple’s destruction, like the post-Holocaust generation, stringencies and restrictions on the mitzva of ona proliferated."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Primary Path to Holiness",
+ "In practice, based on what we have learned from the Sages and the poskim, the primary way to fulfill the mitzva of ona is that the more love and pleasure shared by husband and wife, the more holy they become. This sanctity has an ascetic element in that the husband does not think about any woman other than his wife, and the wife does not think about any man other than her husband. This sanctity also has an element of self-discovery of the divine root of their souls, for when they unite lovingly and passionately, a spark of divine unity is revealed through them, giving life to them and to all the worlds.",
+ "The verse states, “Speak to the whole Israelite community and say to them, ‘You shall be holy, for I, the Lord your God, am holy’” (Vayikra 19:2). Zohar explains that God chose the Jewish people and made them a unique nation, through which His divine unity is revealed in the world. Therefore, His holiness dwells with the Jews, and He guides them in a unique way. Zohar continues: When is a person called “one”? When a person is male and female together, sanctified with supreme holiness, and having in mind to be sanctified through sexual union…. Then a person is whole and called “one,” with no imperfections. To this end, a man must give his wife enjoyment at that time, preparing her to share a single desire with him, wherein they both have the same thing in mind. Then when they are together, then all is one, in soul and body. In soul – they cleave to one another with a single desire; in body – as we have learned, an unmarried person is like someone who has been divided in half, so when male and female unite, they become one body. Thus they become one soul and one body, and are called one person. Then the Holy One abides in this unity and implants in [the pure souls born of their union] a spirit of holiness. They are thus called God’s children. (Zohar III 81a-b).",
+ "Nevertheless, it is well known that our abilities are limited, and the body cannot reveal all the love and truth within the marital bond. If a couple’s relationship is based primarily on physical desire, presumably it will not last. Therefore, a couple must base their relationship on a spiritual foundation as well. Doing so requires some abstinence from the physical, an asceticism that makes room for the spiritual. This abstinence is achieved primarily during nidda times, as the Torah commands.",
+ "Furthermore, the mitzva of ona can take place only within the boundaries of one’s ability to give and receive pleasure properly. Sometimes a person pursuing his desires tries having relations in addition to the set times of ona, expecting that this will increase their enjoyment and devotion. Instead he senses love slipping away, the spirit dissipating, and desires becoming more superficial. If this happens, he must return to the set times established by the Sages for the mitzva of ona, in order to restore balance between body and soul, so that the couple’s love and joy can once again come to full expression through the mitzva of ona."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Mitzva and Makhshirei Mitzva",
+ "As we discussed above (2:4), ona is referred to as derekh eretz, which makes it clear that this mitzva must be fulfilled joyfully and pleasurably, as is the way of the world. The mitzva is not meant to repress our natural desire, but rather to express its holiness and channel it properly, so that it will last through the years. There is still room to ask: should a husband and wife increase their passion and try to maximize their own joy and pleasure, or is it enough that they are aroused to give each other pleasure?",
+ "It would seem that we can apply an important halakhic distinction here – between mitzva and makhshirei mitzva (prerequisites or things that facilitate a mitzva). In this case, the mitzva incumbent upon the man is to bring his wife pleasure. His own enjoyment facilitates the mitzva as it increases his passion and desire to bring pleasure to his wife. According to halakha, makhshirei mitzva have the same status as the mitzva itself, as long as they are auxiliary to the fulfillment of the mitzva. In other words, when a husband gives his wife pleasure, then his enjoyment is also part of the mitzva. The more pleasure he brings her, the greater his mitzva. As a consequence, his personal pleasure is likewise considered a greater mitzva. In contrast, if he does not manage to give her pleasure, his own great pleasure is no mitzva. There is only the basic benefit that it saves him from sexual transgression (as explained above in sections 3 and 5).",
+ "Likewise, when a wife gives her husband pleasure, she fulfills a mitzva, and her own pleasure facilitates the mitzva. The more pleasure she brings to her husband, the greater the value of her own pleasure.",
+ "Let’s take this a step further. When a wife wants to enjoy their sexual union, and to that end she opens up to her husband and allows him to bring her great pleasure, she is enabling him to fulfill his mitzva. Thus, her pleasure facilitates the mitzva in two ways: she helps her husband fulfill his mitzva, and this, in turn, intensifies her desire to bring him pleasure. ",
+ "Similarly, the pleasure that a husband receives from his wife facilitates the mitzva in two ways: for through his pleasure, his desire to give his wife pleasure grows, and this allows her to fulfill her mitzva to give him pleasure."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / In Exile and in Redemption",
+ "The general state of the Jewish people affects the joy of the mitzva of ona because the sacred bond between every Jewish husband and wife parallels the bond between God and the Jewish people. The Sages explain in the Mishna that the momentous occasions on which the Jewish people became connected to God are referred to as “His wedding day” and “His day of bliss” (Shir Ha-shirim 3:11). “‘His wedding day’ refers to the giving of the Torah, and ‘His day of bliss’ refers to the building of the Temple” (Ta’anit 26b). We also find that immediately after the Jews received the Torah at Sinai, they were commanded to return to their tents, “to the joy of ona” (Avoda Zara 5a). And directly following the dedication of the Temple, the husbands returned home, joyful and in excellent spirits, and found their wives in a state of purity. They then fulfilled the mitzva of ona with tremendous joy (Mo’ed Katan 9a; above, 1:6).",
+ "In contrast, when the Jewish people distance themselves from God, the pleasure of this mitzva is diminished as well. As the Sages said, “Since the destruction of the Temple, sexual pleasure has been taken away and given to sinners” (Sanhedrin 75a). As a result of the distance between God and the Jewish people, rifts permeate all the worlds. The earth is not responsive to heaven and does not express holy values; heaven is not responsive to the earth and does not bestow life and blessing upon it. Global anguish permeates individual homes. As a result, men cannot be fully responsive to their wives’ desire, and women cannot be fully responsive to their husbands’ desire. Those people who have understood the profundity of the crisis and the anguish, and who have truly identified with the pain and tears of both God and the Jewish nation, have at times found it difficult to joyfully fulfill the mitzva of ona.",
+ "The Talmud cites R. Yishmael b. Elisha as saying that from the day that the Temple was destroyed, by rights we should have decreed upon ourselves not to eat meat or drink wine, and the day that the evil (Roman) empire conquered us and imposed on us evil and harsh measures, depriving us of Torah and mitzvot and forbidding us from celebrating circumcisions, by rights we should have decreed upon ourselves not to marry or to have children. Avraham’s line would have come to an end by itself. However, R. Yishmael concluded, the Jews should be left alone; it is better that they sin unwittingly and not willfully, as they would not be able to endure such a harsh decree (Bava Batra 60b).",
+ "The Talmud continues that after the destruction of the Second Temple, there was a proliferation in the number of Jews who abstained from eating meat or drinking wine in mourning over the cessation of the sacrifices and libations. R. Yehoshua challenged them: “So should we not eat bread, because the meal offerings have been eliminated? Should we not eat fruit, because there are no more bikkurim (first fruit offerings)? Should we not drink water, since the water libation has ceased?!” Rather, he counseled: “My children, it is impossible to avoid mourning completely, for the sentence has been decreed. But it is also impossible to mourn excessively, because we do not impose a decree on the community unless the majority can endure it” (ibid.). Thus, the Sages instituted only mourning customs that are appropriate and suitable for the community.",
+ "Therefore, even in exile, the halakhot of the mitzva of ona did not budge, for the essence of the mitzva is that it must be fulfilled joyfully, and the greater the couple’s love and joy grows, the more virtuous they are. Furthermore, the fulfillment of this mitzva ameliorates the exile somewhat, for through it a couple establish their home as a mini-Temple, as the Shekhina dwells with them when they properly fulfill this mitzva (Sota 17a). This accords with the statement of the Sages, “Wherever the Jewish people were exiled, the Shekhina, as it were, went into exile with them” (Mekhilta de-Rabbi Yishmael, Bo, §14). The Sages further said that by fulfilling the mitzva of procreation, people draw the redemption closer: “The (messianic) son of David will not arrive until all the souls of the body have been finished” (Yevamot 62a), that is, until all the Jewish souls in the heavenly storehouse have been born.",
+ "Thus, it is through our efforts to fulfill the mitzva of ona in accordance with halakha that we bring the redemption closer and arouse pining and yearning for the restoration of the special relationship between the Lover and the beloved, that is, between the Holy One and the congregation of Israel (Knesset Yisrael). As it is written: For the sake of Zion I will not be silent, and for the sake of Jerusalem I will not be still, until her righteousness emerges resplendent, and her salvation blazes like a torch…. No longer will you be called “Azuva” (“Forsaken”) nor shall your land be called “Shemama” (“Desolate”). Rather, you shall be called “Ḥeftzi-bah” (“I-delight-in-her”) and your land “Be’ula” (“Espoused”). For the Lord delights in you, and your land shall be espoused. As a youth espouses a maiden, your sons will espouse you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you. (Yeshayahu 62:1, 4-5)",
+ "But those righteous ascetics, whose hearts were so filled with anguish over the Temple’s destruction, could not make do with the mini-Temple which remained to the Jewish people. In their sorrow, they could not fulfill the mitzva of ona with the appropriate joy (see 2:14 above). Therefore, even as they scrupulously fulfilled the mitzva – aware of its value and importance, and aware that through it they were bringing the redemption closer – they reduced its frequency to the necessary minimum, just enough to uphold the sanctity of marriage and fulfill the mitzva of procreation. Occasionally, their customs are cited by the poskim.",
+ "Nevertheless, as explained in the Talmud and halakhic literature, the general directive stands. The way to fulfill the mitzva of ona halakhically is with great joy. The more pleasure a husband and wife give each other in this mitzva, the more praiseworthy they are. At the same time, it is natural that despite the wish to fulfill the mitzva in the most complete way, the global pain caused by the exile of the Jews and the Shekhina clouds the joy of the mitzva. Yet the more we merit seeing the Jewish people return to their land, the more the joy of this mitzva is restored, as it is written: And the Lord’s redeemed shall return, and come with shouting to Zion, crowned with joy everlasting. They shall attain joy and gladness, while sorrow and sighing flee. (Yeshayahu 35:10)",
+ "May it be God’s will that we all together merit seeing the ingathering of all exiles and the rebuilding of entire breadth and width of the land. May our eyes behold the return of God to Zion, the restoration of the Davidic dynasty to its rightful place, and the rebuilding of the Temple. Heaven and earth will unite, as will duty and desire, truth and joy, vision and reality, body and soul. “And on that day, declares the Lord, you will call Me ‘Ishi’; you will no longer call Me ‘Ba’ali’” (Hoshea 2:18). Knesset Yisrael will call the Holy One “Ishi” instead of “Ba’ali,” by the term for husband that means “man” instead of “master,” thus emphasizing love that has no element of compulsion. God’s continues, through His prophet: I will betroth you forever; I will betroth you with righteousness and in justice, and with goodness and mercy. And I will betroth you with faithfulness; then you shall know the Lord. On that day I will respond (e’eneh – from the same root as ona), declares the Lord, I will respond (e’eneh) to the heavens, and they shall respond (ya’anu) to the earth. And the earth shall respond (ta’aneh) with new grain and wine and oil, and they shall respond (ya’anu) to Jezreel. I will seed her in the land as My own; and I shall have compassion on Lo-Ruḥama (No-Compassion); and I will say to Lo-Ami (Not-My-People), ‘You are My people,’ and he will respond, ‘My God.’” (Hoshea 2:18-25)
God will rejoice over us as a groom rejoices over his bride, and the joy of the mitzva of ona will be restored in all its glory."
+ ]
+ ],
+ [
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Male Masturbation and the Prohibition of “Wasting Seed”",
+ "God created human beings with a powerful drive for love and a mutual attraction between men and women. This drive, when guided by sanctity, serves as the foundation of the marital covenant and for the closeness of husband and wife, about which the Torah says, “And he shall cling to his wife, so that they become one flesh” (Bereishit 2:24). This “clinging” begins with the mitzva of ona and culminates in the mitzva of procreation. By having children together, they unite literally in one flesh.",
+ "Since the attraction between men and women is the foundation of life and the strongest human drive, we have been commanded to enter into the covenant with God by removing the foreskin of the penis, the organ that joins man and woman. This is brit mila, the covenant of circumcision. With the removal of the foreskin, which symbolizes misdirected desire, the sacred covenant between God and Israel extends to the marriage covenant between husband and wife. When they engage in joyful lovemaking, the Shekhina dwells with them (Sota 17a), and their union leads to an abundance of love and blessing, benevolence and delight, life and peace, spreading throughout the world (see Berakhot 6b and Yevamot 62b).",
+ "In contrast, when this powerful impulse is corrupted, it damages the covenant. Instead of sanctifying it through the couple’s loving fulfillment of the mitzvot of ona and procreation, it is corrupted by adultery or self-gratification. This was the sin of the generation of the flood, of which the Torah says, “God saw how corrupt the earth was, for all flesh had corrupted its way on earth” (Bereishit 6:12). People continued to be drawn after their desires, committing the sins of adultery, idol worship, and theft, until the entire world was destroyed by the flood. The Sages explain that the punishment was quid pro quo: they sinned by corrupting the fiery passion that should have aroused their love in the context of marriage, using it for masturbation and adultery instead, so they were consumed by the boiling floodwaters (Sanhedrin 108a-b).",
+ "The sin of wasting seed – male masturbation – has an aspect of the sin of adultery, which is so grave that it is one of the Ten Commandments. On the verse, “You shall not commit adultery” (Shemot 20:13), the Sages comment: “There should be no adultery in you – not even your hand or foot”; in other words, a man must not masturbate with his hands or feet (Nidda 13b). Likewise, on the verse, “He shall cling to his wife, so that they become one flesh” (Bereishit 2:24), the Sages comment: “He shall cling to his wife and not someone else’s wife. He shall cling to his wife and not another man or an animal” (y. Kiddushin 1:1). R. Tzadok Ha-Kohen explains further that a man should not ejaculate anywhere other than with his wife (Tzidkat Ha-tzadik §121). This drive for life is meant to increase the love and devotion of a married couple. One who corrupts it in order to indulge his urges harms his ability to love his wife devotedly.",
+ "Masturbation is also antithetical to the mitzva of procreation. We know that it displeases God from the story in which Er and Onan wasted their seed to ensure that Tamar would not get pregnant. The Torah states, “But Er, Judah’s firstborn, was displeasing to the Lord, and the Lord took his life” (Bereishit 38:7), and shortly afterwards states about Onan, “What he did was displeasing to the Lord, and He took his life also” (ibid. v. 10). Therefore, coitus interruptus is forbidden. Even if a man does so when his wife cannot conceive in any case, such as when she is pregnant, nursing, or menopausal, he transgresses this prohibition (Yevamot 34b)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Severity of the Sin",
+ "On one hand, the Sages greatly emphasize the gravity of this sin. They go so far as to say, “Whoever wastefully ejaculates seed is liable to be put to death” (Nidda 13a). They also state that someone who wastes his seed is like a spiller of blood and an idol-worshiper (ibid). He is like a murderer because he is wasting seed that is meant to add life to the world. He is like an idol-worshiper because instead of increasing love, he is misdirecting the drive for life to self-centered lust, just as idol-worshipers misdirect the power of faith to the worship of wood and stone (see Maharal, Ḥidushei Aggadot, Nidda 13b.)",
+ "Zohar goes even further, saying that one who violates this prohibition will not experience the Divine Presence or get eternal reward, since he is like a person who murdered his children. He has spilled a great deal of blood, since this sin becomes habitual. One can repent for all other sins in the Torah, except this one. Nevertheless, if one makes great efforts to repent, motivated by love of God, he will succeed in atoning even for this sin (Zohar I 219b, 62a). Based on Zohar, Shulḥan Arukh states, “This sin is worse than all the other sins in the Torah” (EH 23:1).",
+ "On the other hand, there is no explicit Torah prohibition against wasting seed. The verse simply mentions that Er and Onan were punished by death for committing this sin. As a result, the poskim debate whether it is a rabbinic or Torah prohibition. Even according to those who maintain that the prohibition is from the Torah, it is clearly not considered one of the most severe ones, since it is punished neither by death nor by lashes (n. 1 above).",
+ "Practical halakhic rulings reflect this as well. If a man sees that his sexual desire is overpowering him to the extent that he will give in to the temptation of adultery or have sexual relations with his wife when she is nidda, it is preferable that he masturbate and then fast to atone for the sin, rather than succumb to these graver sins (Sefer Ḥasidim §176; SA ḤM 23:1; Beit Shmuel ad loc. 1). It is also preferable to masturbate than give in to the temptation of having relations with an unmarried woman, even if she is ritually pure (Responsa Maharshag §243)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Two Aspects of the Sin",
+ "There are two dimensions of the sin of masturbation. On the surface, it is less severe than adultery and the other sins for which the Torah prescribes punishment, because, in practice, the damage caused thereby is not as grave. However, from the interior perspective, this sin reflects the root of all evil, the ultimate self-centeredness, which most profoundly impairs a person’s faith in God and his love for other people. As we have seen, detachment is at the root of all ruin in this world (1:5-6). It begins with the distancing between the Creator and His creations, and continues with detachment among His creatures. This is why the mitzva to “love your fellow as yourself” (Vayikra 19:18) is a “major principle of the Torah” (Sifra ad loc.), for it repairs the whole world. It is only in the spousal relationship that love and unity reach their complete fulfillment, and its essence is when they unite in the mitzva of ona (above, 1:1). This is the meaning of the life-giving impulse that exists between husband and wife, through which the couple breaks the walls of egotism and connects with one another with true love. The Shekhina dwells with them, and through them, life and blessing extend forth from Source of life to all future generations.",
+ "In contrast, when a man uses this life-giving impulse for his personal gratification, he corrupts the foundation of his life. Instead of drawing upon it to increase the love between him and his wife, he destroys it and wastes it on egotistical desires. This is why, from the interior perspective, this sin is so grave. It expresses man’s selfishness, arrogance, and lust. It detaches him from his great mission, which is to connect to God with faith, and to increase love, blessing, and life in the world.",
+ "Therefore, one who commits this sin harms himself in this world and the next. In this world, he impairs his ability to love his wife and be truly and completely happy with her, since he spent some of his strength for something empty, strength that will be lessened when he couples with his wife. Even if he makes great efforts, a thin membrane of selfishness will separate them and impair their union. He also harms himself in the next world, because his soul cannot ascend and enjoy the radiance of the Shekhina as it should. Although in terms of punishment, his sin is mild relative to other sins, in terms of the loss of his potential to come close to God, his punishment is severe, because the damaged part of his soul detaches itself from life and cannot receive its eternal reward. It cannot be fixed until the Resurrection of the Dead.",
+ "Moreover, standard repentance, normally effective in atoning for all sins, is not effective in bringing his soul to its proper level, because selfish lust distances a person from true life. Just as he cannot unite fully with his wife, so too he cannot properly enjoy the radiance of the Shekhina. This is meant not to cause despair, but to emphasize the need to repair this transgression through greater repentance than usual – so that he will make every effort to love God, cling to His Torah and mitzvot, increase his true love for his wife, and reclaim the life-giving impulse that he destroyed. Since God’s hand is extended to accept penitents, whoever makes a great effort to repent fully will merit much satisfaction and joy (see Orot Ha-teshuva 7:1:6 and 15:8).",
+ "However, it is notoriously difficult to overcome this drive. According to the Sages, this is what led to Adam’s sin, as a result of which humans became mortal and the evil inclination was internalized, to the extent that there is no righteous man on earth who always does good and never commits the sin of masturbation, or at least experiences nocturnal emissions. This drive is particularly strong among teenagers. If there ever was a man who successfully saved all his desire for his wife, he would merit revealing a spark of divine unity in his life. He will have completely repaired Adam’s sin and would therefore never die. However, God made it extremely difficult for us to repair this flaw, to the extent that even righteous people fail at it. They too must become penitents, which gives them the opportunity to be involved in repairing the whole world, with all its lusts and inclinations. In our current pre-messianic times, this sin becomes rampant, because the life-giving impulse increases in anticipation of the redemption, as does the difficulty of preserving its sanctity. The righteous must overcome all obstacles, pick themselves up when they fall, and keep going, as it says: “Seven times the righteous man falls and gets up” (Mishlei 24:16). Through this, we will become worthy of redemption from the evil inclination and from the death it entails. Life will be revealed in full force until the world is repaired with the Resurrection of the Dead (Tzidkat Ha-tzadik §§109, 111)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Two Aspects of the Sin",
+ "Various correctives have been proposed for the sin of wasting seed, but the first and primary corrective is, of course, the corrective of the covenant (tikkun ha-brit), meaning that a man connects with his wife in complete love. The Sages said that when someone has sinned with part of his body, he should use that body part to perform mitzvot (Vayikra Rabba 21:5). In this case, he should make great efforts to bring his wife pleasure during all the obligatory onot. When there is a conflict between what gives her pleasure and what gives him pleasure, he should set aside his desires and try to please his wife to the best of his ability.",
+ "Additionally, he should improve his fulfillment of the mitzva to procreate, having as many children as he and his wife have the strength for. This is on condition that he not quarrel with his wife over this, for we have already learned that the first corrective is for him to please his wife as best he can. However, if through the joy of ona he can enhance his fulfillment of the mitzva of procreation, he will have merited a powerful correction of his sin. Making up for destroying and killing life, he increases life. Making up for sinning selfishly, he devotes himself selflessly to raising his children and educating them to keep the Torah and mitzvot.",
+ "Another great corrective for this sin is Torah study. By studying Torah, one connects to the Source of life, contributes new life to the world, and improves it. The Talmud tells us that God created the evil inclination, but created the Torah as its antidote (Kiddushin 30b). In other words, the Torah rectifies the wickedness of the evil inclination and transforms it to goodness. Furthermore, we learn that the fire of hell has no power over Torah scholars (Ḥagiga 27a) and that the Torah protects people and saves them (Sota 21a). Learning the Torah diligently and toiling over its words are a special corrective for this sin, for by obliterating his superficial desires through diligent Torah study, he restores his inner vitality to its rightful place (Berakhot 63b; Tamid 32a; Tzidkat Ha-tzadik §§97, 106, 123).",
+ "Teaching Torah and reaching out to bring one’s students closer to Torah can also correct this sin. After all, students are referred to as children. To counter his sin in destroying life-giving power, he infuses his students with life. Doing outreach especially rectifies this sin, for by bringing those who have lapsed back toward Torah and mitzvot, he restores his own lapsed life-giving power (Tzidkat Ha-tzadik §§116, 126).",
+ "Giving charity to the poor is another great corrective for this sin. After all, “Charity saves from death�� (Mishlei 10:2). By giving charity, he contributes new life, thus replacing the life-giving power he destroyed. This assumes that he is giving charity to honest poor people, who are unable to support themselves and who will use the money well – not for drugs, alcohol, and the like. Giving charity to people who are not honestly poor would be sinning in a way that is similar to wasting his seed, since he would be wasting his money. If a person is not properly contrite for this sin, then when he wants to give charity to the poor, heaven may place an obstacle before him by sending him the undeserving poor (Tzidkat Ha-tzadik §125)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Prohibition on Things That Lead to This Sin",
+ "A man may not touch his penis, lest it lead to an erection and masturbation. When urinating, if he is concerned about splattering in the area or on his legs, he may aim by touching the corona of the penis, which is less easily stimulated. If he is married and his wife is ritually pure, he may touch his penis to aim. However, for any other reason, even a married man may not touch himself, lest he stimulate himself, for stimulation should be reserved for increasing the love between the spouses.",
+ "When necessary to prevent itchiness or discomfort, a man may touch himself through a thick cloth. This way, there is no concern of his becoming stimulated as long as he is not intending to do so (MB 3:15). Similarly, when he is wearing pants, he may adjust himself through the pants.",
+ "A man may touch his penis in order to alleviate pain, such as to apply ointment or remove a splinter, as long as he does not cause arousal.",
+ "The prohibition is to touch the penis; there is no prohibition to touch the testicles, as long as he does not stimulate himself thereby. Even when a man takes a shower, he should not touch his penis with his hands, lest he stimulate himself. Rather, he should wash and clean around the genital area, and the soap and water will clean the penis as well (MA 3:14; Ru’aḥ Ḥayim, EH 23:3). Some permit a man to touch his penis directly when necessary, as long as he does not cause arousal (Seder Ha-yom). A married man be lenient when necessary (see Otzar Ha-poskim 23:16:4)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Two Prohibitions",
+ "Two kinds of sinful thoughts are prohibited: thoughts about adultery and thoughts likely to lead to nocturnal emission. The reason for both prohibitions is the same: they harm the sacred bond between spouses and divert elsewhere the desire that should be used to increase the couple’s love and devotion, causing the Shekhina to leave them.",
+ "The first prohibition is that a man may not think about sinning, that is, he may not imagine himself committing adultery with a woman other than his wife, and certainly he may not plan the sin in his mind. As the Torah says, “Do not follow your heart and your eyes, by which you are led astray” (Bamidbar 15:39). The Sages interpret “your heart” to refer to apostasy (idolatry or heresy) and “your eyes” to refer to sinful thoughts (Berakhot 12b). Therefore, a man may not gaze at women or their clothes in a way that is liable to lead him to sinful thoughts (SA EH 21:1). In addition to the fact that the thoughts themselves are forbidden because they damage the love between husband and wife and contaminate his thoughts with forbidden things, they are liable to lead him to actual adultery. That sin starts with lustful thoughts, whose intensification gives the sinful impulse control over the person, causing him to commit adultery. The Sages say that sinful thoughts are more serious than the sin itself (Yoma 29a). True, the punishment is more severe for committing the sin than for thinking about it. However, it is the sinful thoughts that cause a person to betray his covenant with his wife and commit adultery. These thoughts begin before and persist after the sin, thus further defiling the mind and soul.",
+ "One of the reasons that the Sages instituted “Va-yomer” as the third paragraph of the daily recitation of Shema is to remind people to guard themselves against sinful thoughts. This paragraph contains the verse, “Do not follow your heart and your eyes, by which you are led astray,” and also records the mitzva of wearing tzitzit, for by remembering the tzitzit, a person can be saved from sin (Menaḥot 44a; above, 3:6).",
+ "The second prohibition is for a man to think about anything that sexually stimulates him and may cause him to have a nocturnal emission or “wet dream,” that is, to ejaculate while sleeping. The Torah says, “Stay away from every evil thing” (Devarim 23:10), which the Sages explain to mean, “A man must not entertain thoughts during the day that will cause him to become impure at night” (Avoda Zara 20b). This prohibition includes thinking about, reading, or looking at anything that arouses his urges and causes an erection, even if the man does not actually imagine himself with a woman who is forbidden to him. Even a married man, when he is away from his wife, or when she is a nidda, may not think about being intimate with her in a sexually stimulating way, as it can lead to a nocturnal emission. All his desire must be safeguarded for his wife alone.",
+ "A nocturnal emission is called keri or tuma. The word “keri” is used because it occurs unintentionally, by chance (be-mikreh) at night (layla). Thus, it is also referred to as a “mikreh layla.” The word “tuma” is used because a nocturnal emission makes a person impure; he may neither ascend the Temple Mount nor eat taharot (food that must be eaten while one is ritually pure). To purify himself, he must immerse in a mikveh. Then, after the sun sets, he may eat taharot (see 3:8 above).",
+ "A nocturnal emission happens due to a combination of a natural process – such as the body’s production of semen – and the waking thoughts that a man has that cause him to get an erection. Even if he successfully controls himself during the day and does not masturbate, these thoughts return in his dreams and cause a nocturnal emission. Nevertheless, even the righteous who control their thoughts during the day occasionally experience a seminal emission, because this is the way a man’s body works. It constantly produces semen; as time goes by and semen builds up, the body becomes aroused to ejaculate. This happens more frequently with younger men than older men. (The prohibition of sinful thoughts and masturbation for women is explained below, in sections 10-12.)"
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Defining and Avoiding Sinful Thoughts",
+ "Regarding both types of sinful thoughts, the prohibition is to invest thought in the objects of desire and arouse lust toward them. However, a fleeting thought that inadvertently enters and leaves a man’s mind is not included in the prohibition, since the Torah was not given to the ministering angels (Me’iri, Ḥullin 37b; Ezer Mi-kodesh 23:3). As for an improper thought which lasts a little longer and is a somewhat sinful, as he should have immediately pushed it away, there is hardly any person, even the most righteous, who is free from this. As the Sages say, “Three sins are everyday occurrences that no one successfully avoids: sinful thoughts, distraction in prayer, and traces of malicious speech” (Bava Batra 164b).",
+ "The more connected a man is with his wife, and the more scrupulous he is about the laws of modesty, the less susceptible he is to improper thoughts. It would seem that to avoid such thoughts completely, he would need to get married at bar-mitzva age. However, since marriage demands a great deal of responsibility, for which one must prepare by studying Torah and learning a profession, the Sages instructed most people to postpone marriage until they were between the ages of eighteen and twenty (Avot 5:21). On the other hand, they cautioned against delaying marriage beyond that, for if he does so, he “spends his whole life thinking sinful thoughts” (Kiddushin 29b), for once one has become accustomed to these thoughts, it will be difficult for him to free himself from them, even after getting married. Still, the main reason for marrying before the age of twenty is to fulfill the mitzva of procreation (ibid.; 5:7 below). Nowadays, when life is more complex, and as trials and challenges proliferate, marrying before the age of eighteen would be very difficult. Most young people need to postpone marriage beyond the age of twenty. Nevertheless, marriage should not be delayed beyond the age of 24 (5:9 below).",
+ "In the meantime, young men should try to protect themselves with extra modesty, avoiding sinful thoughts and relationships with young women. The more they strengthen their Torah study, the better they will be able to withstand temptation. As the Sages explain, the Torah is exceedingly effective against this urge: “The school of R. Yishmael taught: My son, if this scoundrel [the evil inclination] attacks you, drag him into the beit midrash. If it is stone, it will dissolve; if it is iron, it will shatter” (Kiddushin 30b). This is codified in halakha:",
+ "A man may not intentionally give himself an erection or cause himself to have sinful thoughts. Rather, if an improper thought comes to him, he should divert his mind from worthless and corrupt matters to words of Torah, as Torah is “a loving doe, a graceful mountain goat” (Mishlei 5:19). (MT, Laws of Sexual Prohibitions 21:19; also cited in SA YD 23:3)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Mitzva to Marry",
+ "A man who has already fulfilled the mitzva of procreation, even one who has been privileged to have many children, if his wife dies, there is a mitzva for him to remarry a woman who can still bear children, in order to continue fulfilling the mitzva of procreation (below, 5:6). However, if it would be difficult for him to raise more children – whether because of his age, or because supporting them would be too hard, or because he is worried about acrimony between his children from his first wife and his second wife and her children – he may refrain from marrying a woman who can still bear children (see below, 5:6). However, it is still a mitzva for him to remarry a woman who cannot have children, as a person is in a state of wholeness only when married. As the Sages said, “Any man without a wife is not a man” (Yevamot 63a); and “Any man without a wife lives without joy, without blessing, without goodness, without Torah, without fortification, and without peace” (ibid. 62b). This is the Sages’ instruction: “Even if a man already has a number of children, he may not remain without a wife, as it says (Bereishit 2:18), ‘It is not good for man to be alone’” (ibid. 61b). He will thus have the privilege of continued fulfillment of the mitzva of ona and will also prevent himself from having sinful thoughts.",
+ "Rambam likewise rules: “There is a rabbinic mitzva for a man not to remain without a wife, so that he does not come to have sinful thoughts” (MT, Laws of Marriage 15:16). This mitzva is so important that some say that the Sages’ permission to sell a Torah scroll to enable a couple to get married applies even when the bride is too old to conceive. This illustrates the importance of getting married, fulfilling the mitzva of ona, and avoiding improper thoughts (below, 5:21).",
+ "If a man has aged to the point that he no longer desires a woman and no longer yearns to fulfill the mitzva of ona, he is not obligated to remarry, if he has already fulfilled the mitzva of procreation. Nevertheless, even someone whose desire has dissipated fulfills a mitzva if he marries and lives happily and lovingly with his wife – both because being married is the proper human condition, through which one fulfills most completely the interpersonal mitzvot, and because he fulfills the mitzva of ona. However, if he is worried that remarriage may be painful for him, because he might not have a loving relationship with his second wife, he is not obligated to marry, as long as there is no concern that he will have sinful thoughts. Indeed, many great rabbis did not remarry after being widowed (Ramban and Me’iri on Yevamot 62b; Ḥokhmat Adam 123:6; AHS 1:7)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Sexual Thoughts About One’s Wife",
+ "When a man’s wife is ritually pure and he intends to be intimate with her that night, he may think about things that stimulate his desire for her, for there is no concern that these thoughts will lead to a nocturnal emission. However, when she is ritually impure or they are apart from each other, he may not think thoughts that will stimulate his desire for her, lest he will have a nocturnal emission. Even while his wife is pure, a man should be careful not to read or watch anything likely to cause sinful thoughts, i.e., lusting for sin or thinking thoughts that impair his love for his wife.",
+ "So that a man does not sin or think sinful thoughts, the Sages established safeguards for when his wife is a nidda: not to play or be frivolous together, not to smell the perfume on her body or clothes, not to gaze at the parts of her body that are normally covered, not to hand things to one another, not to eat alone at a table without some kind of indicator to remind them that they are prohibited to each other, not to eat from the same plate, and not to drink food that she left in her cup or on her plate. He should not sit or lie down on her bed unless she is out of town, and she should not make her husband’s bed in his presence (SA YD 195).",
+ "So that a man does not think sinful thoughts, he may not engage in any activity that will arouse his urges, that is, that will cause him an erection or to have enduring thoughts about a specific woman. Therefore, he should stay away from places and situations where immodesty abounds and which are likely to arouse his urges. However, sometimes this is necessary to make a living, such as by attending college classes in a framework that does not conform to the halakhic parameters of modesty. In such a case, if he has the option of studying the same profession in a modest framework, he must do so. But if there is no possibility of learning the profession that is appropriate for him in a modest framework, he may study in an immodest framework, as long as he estimates that his urges will not overpower him. If he is uncertain, or in pressing circumstances, he should consult a wise rabbi."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Prohibition of Masturbation for Women",
+ "Women likewise may not stimulate themselves to reach orgasm. This is because sexual desire should be safeguarded for the enhancement of love and devotion between husband and wife, not for selfish gratification. However, for two related reasons, the prohibition for women is not as severe as the prohibitions for men. Firstly, with regard to men, ejaculation impedes the mitzva of ona, because a man’s sexual potency is limited, and when he wastes seed, it diminishes his desire to be with his wife. If the couple’s set time of ona is that day, sometimes he will not be able to have sexual relations with her even if he wants to. In contrast, a woman is not limited in this way. Even if she brings herself to orgasm, she will likely be able to have another orgasm with her husband. She will certainly be able to have sexual relations with him.",
+ "Secondly, a man’s semen has the potential to impregnate, and masturbation wastes that potential. In contrast, the secretions that issue as a result of a woman’s masturbation cannot lead to conception; even after they have exuded, her ovum can be fertilized as before.",
+ "Nevertheless, a woman may not stimulate herself, because that pleasure should be reserved for strengthening a couple’s relationship.",
+ "There is another difference between men and women in this regard. A man is very easily stimulated, and any touch of his penis can be arousing. Therefore, the Sages forbade a man to touch his penis, lest it result in the wasting of seed (see section 5 above). However, with respect to women, ordinary contact with the vaginal area is not too stimulating. Therefore, the Sages state that the more frequently a woman performs bedikot (internal examinations to check for menstrual blood), more praiseworthy she is (Nidda 13a)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Prohibition of Improper Thoughts for Women",
+ "Just as it is forbidden for men to entertain sinful thoughts – imagining themselves committing adultery, or (even worse) planning it – it is forbidden for women to entertain sinful thoughts, that is, to imagine themselves committing adultery or being intimate with another man, and certainly to plan such an encounter. The verse says, “Do not follow your heart and your eyes, after which you are led astray” (Bamidbar 15:39). “‘After your eyes’ refers to sinful thoughts” (Berakhot 12b). As Sefer Ha-ḥinukh points out (§387), this mitzva applies “at all times and in all places, to both men and women.” It states elsewhere: “Women, too, are forbidden to think about any man other than their husbands. All their desire and longing should be directed toward them. This is how upright Jewish women behave” (ibid. §188).",
+ "In addition to causing a woman to have less love for her husband and contaminating her mind, thinking sinful thoughts can lead to actual adultery. This is the method of the evil inclination: first it arouses thoughts, then it draws people closer to sin, and ultimately it traps them in its net, causing them to commit adultery and thus ruin their lives. In this respect, men and women are the same.",
+ "As we explained above (section 6), for men there is another category of sinful thoughts, namely, those that cause an erection and can lead to a nocturnal emission. A man may not even think about his wife in an arousing way while she is a nidda. For women, though, there is no such concern. Therefore, a woman may think about sexual matters, as long as these thoughts are not about sinful behavior. Likewise, she may think sexual thoughts about her husband while she is a nidda."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Lesbianism",
+ "A woman may not sexually arouse herself with another woman, because sexual desire must be reserved for the sacred love between husband and wife and for fulfilling the mitzvot of ona and procreation. The Torah admonishes, “You shall not copy the practices of the land of Egypt where you dwelt…nor shall you follow their laws” (Vayikra 18:3). The Sages explained (Sifra ad loc.) that the “practices of the land of Egypt” are “a man marrying a man, a woman marrying a woman, and a woman marrying two men” (MT, Laws of Sexual Prohibitions 21:8; SA EH 20:2).",
+ "Some Tanna’im and Amora’im maintain that a woman who is intimate with another woman is considered a zona, who may not marry a kohen. The Torah restricts kohanim from marrying certain women: “They shall not marry a zona or ḥalala, nor shall they marry one divorced from her husband. For they are holy to their God” (Vayikra 21:7). However, in practice the halakha does not follow this opinion. While lesbian sex is considered promiscuous, a woman who engages in it is not considered a zona, and thus may marry a kohen. Certainly, a married woman who engages in it is not forbidden to her husband (as would be a woman who commits adultery), since this activity involves no penetration in the way that a man penetrates a woman (Yevamot 76a; Rambam ad loc.)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Male Homosexuality",
+ "The Torah commands: “Do not lie with a male as one lies with a woman, it is a to’eva” (Vayikra 18:22). It further states: “If a man lies with a male as one lies with a woman, the two of them have done a to’eva; they shall be put to death – their blood-guilt is upon them” (ibid. 20:13). There are two ways for a man to have sexual relations with a woman: normal intercourse (“ke-darkah”), that is, vaginally; and abnormal intercourse (“she-lo ke-darkah”), i.e., anally, which is the form of intercourse between men that the Torah prohibits. The moment that penetration occurs, that is, the moment the corona of one man’s erect penis enters the other’s anus, they have both transgressed a Torah prohibition, even though the penetration was not full and there was no ejaculation. (Yevamot 55b; MT, Laws of Sexual Prohibitions 1:10; according to Taz, the Torah prohibits even penetration by part of the corona, whereas Noda Bi-Yehuda, EH 2:23 limits the Torah prohibition to penetration of the entire corona).",
+ "This prohibition is so grave that those who transgress it are liable to be punished with death by stoning, since anywhere the Torah says “their blood-guilt is upon them,” it refers to stoning (Sanhedrin 54a; Rambam ad loc. 1:6). However, this punishment applied (while the Sanhedrin functioned) only when the sin was done intentionally and in front of two witnesses who warned them of the consequences of committing the sin. In practice, almost nobody would dare to commit capital crimes in front of witnesses warning them that if they continue, they will be put to death. Therefore, an execution by the Sanhedrin rarely took place. In fact, it was so rare that a Sanhedrin which executed one person in seven years was labeled “destructive” (m. Makkot 1:10). Thus, the main purpose of the Torah declaring a death penalty is to teach us the gravity of the sin, and to deter people from brazenly transgressing it in front of witnesses.",
+ "The transgression of male homosexual intercourse is so serious that its stated punishment (stoning) is the most severe of all the death penalties. Other sexual transgressions punishable by stoning are: sexual relations between mother or stepmother and son, father and daughter or daughter-in-law, and bestiality by a man or woman (MT, Laws of Sexual Prohibitions 1:4). People who commit these sins deliberately but without witnesses are liable for karet (extirpation).",
+ "In addition to the prohibited act itself, we saw above that the Torah also prohibits thinking about committing sexual sins, as the Torah says, “Do not follow your heart and your eyes, by which you are led astray” (Bamidbar 15:39). The Sages interpret “your eyes” to mean sinful thoughts (Berakhot 12b; see section 6 above). Moreover, a man who is sexually attracted to other men must make sure that his interactions with them do not lead him to waste seed, which, according to many poskim, is a Torah prohibition (as explained in n. 1). Therefore, he should not develop a friendship for the purpose of stimulating himself sexually, because by getting himself aroused he is transgressing a rabbinic prohibition (Nidda 13b). Rather, he should behave normally with his friends, acting like everyone else, and trying to avoid arousal."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Factors in the Emergence of This Urge",
+ "Many people think that same-sex attraction is innate and cannot be changed, and that therefore, a man with this tendency must follow it; certainly, no one should be criticized for doing so. In contrast, according to the Torah, even if a man has a strong tendency toward homosexuality, the prohibition remains in full effect, and he has an obligation to overcome his urges – just as one is required to overcome a powerful urge to commit adultery. However, the heavenly court does take into account the severity of a person’s challenge in overcoming his desires; the stronger his urge, the lighter his punishment.",
+ "Even if we accept that this is an innate disposition, it is nevertheless clear that the social and moral climate is no less influential than the inborn tendency. In fact, in the past there were cultures in which homosexuality was extremely prevalent, so much so that the majority of men committed this sin. In contrast, among the Jews, where the social conditions encouraged regular heterosexual relationships and discouraged male homosexual relationships, this inclination was almost never expressed. Thus, according to the Mishna, “R. Yehuda says…Two single men should not sleep under one blanket, but the Sages permit it” (Kiddushin 82a). The Talmud explains that R. Yehuda was stringent out of concern that such behavior might lead to sin. We must remember that in the past, people slept in the nude; thus, the case in which R. Yehuda was stringent was that of two single men sleeping naked under the same blanket. And yet the Sages permitted it, since “Jews are not suspected of male homosexual relations.” In other words, this phenomenon was so rare that the Sages felt it unnecessary make a decree to safeguard against it. We find a similar approach regarding yiḥud (the prohibition against seclusion). The rule is that it is forbidden for a man to be alone with a woman in a secluded or locked room, lest this lead to sin; however, it is permitted for two men to be alone with each other, although some undertook to act stringently out of piety. Shulḥan Arukh rules permissively, but then adds, “Nowadays, when there are many promiscuous people, it is best to avoid being isolated with [another] man” (EH 24:1). This opinion made sense given the prevalence of homosexuality in the Islamic countries of the time. However, the great sages of Ashkenaz responded that in their countries Jews were not suspected of such behavior, and did not need to be stringent (Baḥ). Not only that, but some say that such stringency is forbidden, as it is an exhibition of religious hubris (yuhara) (Yam Shel Shlomo, Kiddushin 4:23). Nevertheless, when it comes to sleeping together under one blanket, prominent Ashkenazic authorities are divided. Some are stringent (Ḥelkat Meḥokek and Beit Shmuel), while others are lenient (Yam Shel Shlomo). In practice, until relatively recently, the custom was to be lenient (AHS 24:6).",
+ "It is difficult to presume that basic human nature has changed. We must therefore conclude that in the past, even when people were born with a homosexual inclination, given the social contexts that were common among the Jews for so long, these tendencies were not manifest, to the extent that there was no concern that people would sin, even if they were to sleep next to their friends in the nude under the same blanket in a closed room.",
+ "We do not know what has changed recently to convince people that sexual orientation is innate, that they are attracted solely to members of the same sex, and that they have no choice whatsoever in the matter. Is it possible that freedom – which plays a central role in our lives and confers many advantages upon us – has also allowed all sorts of inclinations to be expressed that had previously been suppressed? And once these inclinations have been released, it is more difficult to overcome them. Moreover, recent generations have witnessed the rise of feminism, which, alongside its positive aspects, can cause tension and complications in heterosexual relationships. In its most extreme forms, relationships between men and women are posited as part of a struggle for control and power. Could it be that this environment produces anxiety in men about developing relationships with women? And is it possible that this anxiety affects the dynamics of sexual attraction? There are many theories and explanations to account for the current prevalence of homosexuality. In any case, it is reasonable to assume that it too will pass, and future generations will rediscover the Torah way to deepen the marital relationship with sanctity, love, and joy. As a result, the appeal of this sin will diminish greatly.",
+ "It is important to be aware that the pain, frustration, and embarrassment experienced by those struggling with this inclination can be so overwhelming that some young people choose to end their own lives. Therefore, it is important to guide the men and women with this inclination to discuss it with their parents, as well as with a rabbi or counselor. This is, first and foremost, so they can unburden themselves from some of their suffering, and second, so they can find the best ways to address this challenge."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Mitzva of the Wedding",
+ "The Torah’s commandments apply to all Jews. Even men and women with same-sex attraction have a mitzva to marry, to fulfill the mitzva of ona with love and happiness, and to procreate.",
+ "In previous generations, not getting married because of sexual orientation was almost unheard of. Presumably, this could be the case in our generation as well. Despite societal changes, many people who feel same-sex attraction can overcome it enough to happily and lovingly establish a family. Likewise, it is known that many people who experience same-sex attraction are capable of feeling attracted to the opposite sex as well. Those who find this difficult must use all possible means to divert their tendencies so that they can enter into a marital relationship faithful to the law of Moshe and Israel.",
+ "In practice, though, as long as a man deems that he cannot have a relationship with a woman, cannot commit to be faithful to her and give her the love and joy she deserves, then he is unable to get married due to circumstances beyond his control (ones). Only if he is quite certain that he is capable of committing to love his wife and to enter into a joyful physical relationship with her may he fulfill the mitzva to marry. The same is true for a woman. Only if she is quite certain that she can be properly responsive to her husband’s passion may she get married.",
+ "A man and a woman who both have same-sex attraction may decide to marry each other, be faithful, be great friends to each other, and try to observe the mitzva of ona to the best of their abilities. They may fulfill the mitzva of marriage in this way and raise a fine family.",
+ "The reward of those who succeed in overcoming their urges and who, out of deep moral responsibility, establish a committed, loving marital relationship and raise a family, is very great. As the Sages state, “According to the suffering is the reward” (Avot 5:23). They merit reward not only in the next world but in our world as well. This is because in order to overcome their urge, they must delve deeply into the foundations of love and morality. Doing so allows them to experience a deeper intimacy. It is reminiscent of the Sages’ statement, “Where penitents stand, even completely righteous people cannot stand” (Berakhot 34b).",
+ "They improve the world, too. Unfortunately, many people are swept away by their physical desires and end up sinning through adultery and promiscuity. They even base their marriage solely on carnal urges. When their desire for their spouse wanes, they return to satisfying their desires by committing adultery and other abominable acts. Ultimately, they are always disappointed, since any physical relationship which lacks a moral dimension and is not sanctified will end up in deadly dreariness. In order to perfect the world, it is necessary to engage in penitential acts that restore balance. We should emphasize the spiritual value of loyalty, friendship, morality, and the sanctity of the marital covenant. This is accomplished by the very same people who do not feel a natural desire for the opposite sex, and yet enter into a covenant to be faithful to their spouse, out of a desire to accept upon themselves the yoke of the kingdom of Heaven. Thus, the Sages declare, “People who act out of love and are happy in their suffering are the subject of the verse, ‘Those who love God are like the sun rising in might’ (Shoftim 5:31)” (Shabbat 88b)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Must One Disclose Before Marriage?",
+ "If a man feels a slight, remote attraction to members of the same sex, but in practice successfully controls himself, does he need to tell someone he is dating about his inclination? If he is certain that he desires and wishes to marry a woman, that he will be able to be happy with his wife, that he will be able to give her the pleasure that she deserves, and that he will be able to remain faithful, then he is not obligated to tell her.",
+ "However, if his homosexual inclination is strong enough that he is uncertain that he will be able to give his wife pleasure, and even more so if he is uncertain that he will be able to stay faithful, he must disclose this to the woman he is dating. Then she can decide whether or not she trusts him to be able to lovingly and happily build a faithful home with her.",
+ "In every case of uncertainty, a rabbi or a God-fearing specialist should be consulted. All of the above applies equally to a woman who experiences same-sex attraction.",
+ "If a man who is a practicing homosexual marries without telling his wife about it, and when she finds out, she immediately wants to end the marriage, then in certain cases, if it is difficult to extract a get from the husband, a rabbinical court can annul the marriage without a get. This is because the marriage was entered into under false pretenses (mekaḥ ta’ut), and thus was never valid (Igrot Moshe, EH 4:113)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Torah’s Attitude to Those Who Commit Homosexual Intercourse",
+ "The Torah calls male sexual relations “to’eva” (Vayikra 18:22). The Sages explained the connotation of this word: “You are straying with it (to’eh ata bah)” (Nedarim 51a). In other words, the purpose of the sex drive is for husband and wife to unite in holiness and joy, and for this union to create children and sustain the world. In contrast, those who sin in this way direct their desire toward people of their own gender, thereby damaging the sanctity of marriage and the continuity of the world.",
+ "Nonetheless, those who commit this sin should not be treated more harshly than those who commit other grave sins, such as desecrating Shabbat. Just as those who desecrate Shabbat are called up to the Torah as long as they do not sin out of spite, so too those who commit this sin should be called up to the Torah, as long as they do not sin out of spite. This is especially true if it is possible that they are careful to avoid the severe sin of homosexual intercourse itself.",
+ "Moreover, many people who fall prey to this sin are not defiant in any way. Rather it pains them that their inclination compels them to sin. Only God, Master of heaven and earth – Who created all souls, knows all thoughts, and examines all hearts – understands what drives every person, and can judge them in truth and mercy in accordance with their challenges and suffering.",
+ "It is important to stress that even if a man does not succeed in overcoming his urge, and he sins by having homosexual intercourse, he is still obligated in all the mitzvot, and he must strengthen himself as much as he can, any way that he can. Even in relation to this sin, for each and every day and every single time he succeeds in overcoming his desire and refrains from sinning, he will receive great reward.",
+ "We must accept the Torah law which declares that homosexual sex is a grave sin. If we are presented with the opportunity to dissuade people from this sin, it is our obligation to try to do so. Nevertheless, we must also love a person who is unsuccessful in overcoming his urge, and realize that there is great value in each and every mitzva he fulfills. As long as he does not externalize his orientation and does not sin defiantly, we should draw him closer to the religious community, so that he can grow stronger in Torah study and mitzva fulfillment as best he can. We know that the value of evil is finite, while the value of good is infinite. Similarly, the gravity of sins is finite, while the value of mitzvot is infinite.",
+ "If a man with a strong homosexual inclination has not found a woman to marry, and he still overcomes his evil inclination and refrains from sinning, he is among those whom God declares every day to be pious (Pesaḥim 113a). When he successfully binds his desires for the glory of Heaven, he demonstrates the absolute, hallowed value of Torah and mitzvot. He is improving the world greatly (as we will explain below in 7:6 with regard to infertile men). The light of his unwavering dedication to Torah illuminates the entire world, adding life and blessing to all families."
+ ]
+ ],
+ [
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Great Value of the Mitzva",
+ "Procreation, being fruitful and multiplying, is a central mitzva of the Torah, and since it is the most basic goal of creation, it is the first mitzva mentioned in the Torah. At the end of the process of creation, we read, “God blessed [Adam and Ḥava] and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and conquer it; and rule the fish of the sea, the bird of the sky, and every living thing that creeps on earth’” (Bereishit 1:28). In Parshat No’aḥ, after the flood, a similar directive is given: “God blessed Noaḥ and his sons and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth’” (Bereishit 9:1). Finally, the admonition against murder is followed by the directive: “And you, be fruitful and multiply, abound on the earth and multiply on it” (ibid. v. 7).",
+ "By fulfilling this mitzva, a person walks in the ways of God. Just as God created the world and sustains it, people too give birth to children, take care of them, and raise them. This makes people partners with God; as the Sages say, “There are three partners in the creation of a person: God, the father, and the mother” (Nidda 31a).",
+ "This mitzva is the primary and fundamental goal of creation, as the Sages say in the Mishna (Gittin 41b), “The world was created only for procreation, as the verse states, ‘He did not create it to be empty; He formed it to be inhabited’ (Yeshayahu 45:18).” This teaches us that the most elemental divine instruction is to populate the world, as is clear when we place the just-quoted verse in context: For thus said the Lord, the Creator of heaven, Who alone is God, Who formed the earth and made it, Who alone established it. He did not create it to be empty; He formed it to be inhabited. I am the Lord, and there is no other.",
+ "The Tanna’im state, “Whoever sustains one Jewish soul is considered by the Torah to have sustained an entire world” (Sanhedrin 37a). This is said of one who prevents a poor person from dying of starvation (Bava Batra 11a); how much greater is the virtue of parents who give birth to children, raise them, and educate them. They truly sustain an entire world.",
+ "Given the importance of this mitzva, we understand why, according to the Sages (Shabbat 31a), the third question that a person is asked when he is being judged in the next world is, “Did you engage in procreation?” (The first question is, “Were you honest in business?” The second is, “Did you set aside time to study Torah?”)",
+ "Eliezer said, “If someone refrains from procreation, it is as if he spills blood.” For the verse, “Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed” (Bereishit 9:6), is immediately followed by, “And you, be fruitful and multiply, abound on the earth and multiply on it” (ibid. v. 7) (Yevamot 63b). Having children is so essential and fundamental that one who does not fulfill this mitzva is considered to have put his children to death before they are born. R. Yaakov said, “Anyone who does not engage in procreation is likened to one who diminishes the divine image.” For the verse, “For in His image did God make man” (Bereishit 9:6), is immediately followed by, “And you, be fruitful and multiply, abound on the earth and multiply on it” (ibid. v. 7) (Yevamot 63b). Every person is unique, and therefore every person reveals an additional aspect of the divine image. Thus, one who refrains from engaging in procreation diminishes the revelation of the divine in the world.",
+ "Zohar Ḥadash (Ruth 50b) states: When a person leaves this world and his soul prepares to take its rightful place in the next world, several angels of destruction stand on either side and several angels of peace stand on either side. If he is deserving, the angels of peace greet him warmly and welcome him. If he is not deserving, the angels of destruction greet him, saying, “Woe to the wicked man, for he shall fare ill; as his hands have dealt, so shall it be done to him” (Yeshayahu 3:11). Who is this [wicked person]? One who did not attempt to leave a child in this world, for anyone who leaves a child in this world and teaches him Torah and good deeds, the angels of destruction and hell have no control over him.",
+ "This is what is meant by the verses: “Sons are the provision of the Lord; the fruit of the womb, His reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are sons born to a man in his youth. Happy is the man who fills his quiver with them; they shall not be put to shame when they contend with the enemies in the gate” (Tehilim 127:3-5). These [enemies] are the angels of destruction, who cannot control him. For a person should not say, “My Torah and good deeds protect me; I will not engage in procreation.” Rather, even if someone has studied Torah and performed good deeds, he still cannot enter God’s realm, and he has no share in the World to Come. (See ch. 8 below regarding solace for the childless.)"
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Ḥizkiyahu and Ben Azzai",
+ "When the mighty army of King Sennacherib of Assyria besieged Jerusalem, King Ḥizkiyahu of Yehuda fell ill, as we read: In those days, Ḥizkiyahu fell dangerously ill. The prophet Yeshayahu, son of Amotz, came and said to him, “Thus said the Lord, ‘Set your affairs in order, for you are going to die; you will not live.’” (Yeshayahu 38:1)",
+ "Even years before that, Ḥizkiyahu had been aware that the Kingdom of Assyria presented a clear and present danger to his kingdom, for as a result of increasing sinfulness, Assyria had already subjugated the Kingdom of Yisrael and exiled the ten tribes from the land (2 Melakhim, ch. 17). In order to avert calamity, Ḥizkiyahu ordered the entire nation to repent and to strengthen their allegiance to Torah:",
+ "He stuck a sword by the entrance of the beit midrash and said, “Anyone who does not study Torah will be stabbed with this sword.” They searched from Dan to Be’er Sheva and did not find a single ignoramus; from Gevat to Antipatris and did not find a single boy or girl, man or woman, who was not thoroughly versed in the laws of purity and impurity. (Sanhedrin 94b)",
+ "It was at this difficult time, when the catastrophe Ḥizkiyahu feared was imminent, when the Assyrian army had already besieged Jerusalem, and when he himself lay ill, that the prophet came to him with the terrible message, “Set your affairs in order, for you are going to die; you will not live.” The Sages explain: “You are going to die” in this world, and “you will not live” in the next world. Ḥizkiyahu cried out in protest, “What sin have I committed that I have been sentenced to excision from this world and from the next?” The prophet replied, “You did not engage in procreation.” Ḥizkiyahu responded, “But it was made known to me through divine inspiration that my children would not be virtuous.” The prophet replied, “Why do you involve yourself in the secrets of the Merciful One? You do what you were commanded to do, and God will do what is right in His eyes.” Ḥizkiyahu then realized that he had sinned. He asked Yeshayahu for his daughter’s hand in marriage, hoping that his own merit plus the merit of Yeshayahu might help him have virtuous children. The prophet responded, “Your fate has already been sealed.” Ḥizkiyahu replied, “Son of Amotz, finish your prophecy and leave! For I learned from my father’s father (King David) that even if a sharp sword is resting upon one’s neck, one should not stop begging for mercy” (Berakhot 10a).",
+ "Then, “Ḥizkiyahu turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord. ‘Please, O Lord,’ he said, ‘remember how I have walked before You sincerely and wholeheartedly, and have done what is pleasing to You.’ And Ḥizkiyahu wept profusely” (Yeshayahu 38:2-3). God heard him and commanded Yeshayahu to inform Ḥizkiyahu that He had added another fifteen years to his life. Additionally, God would save him from Assyria’s army. In fact, in the middle of the night, an angel of God struck down all of Sennacherib’s soldiers, and Jerusalem was saved. Ḥizkiyahu went on to marry Yeshayahu’s daughter, and they had a son named Menasheh. Ḥizkiyahu’s fears were realized; Menasheh, who ruled after Ḥizkiyahu, acted so wickedly in the eyes of God – worshiping idols and spilling much innocent blood – that God decreed that the First Temple would be destroyed (2 Melakhim ch. 19-21). Nevertheless, the mitzva of procreation remained in full force, for it is the foundation for the continued existence of the world. Even in the case of Ḥizkiyahu, his wicked son Menasheh carried on the Davidic dynasty, from which ultimately the Messiah, descendant of David, will be born; may he come speedily in our time.",
+ "Although we learn of a great Tanna, Ben Azzai, who never married and did not fulfill the mitzva of procreation. The Talmud relates that Ben Azzai extrapolated from the biblical verses that if one does not engage in procreation, “it is as if he spills blood and diminishes the divine image.” The Sages said to Ben Azzai, “Some preach well and practice well; some practice well but do not preach well; and then there are those like you, who preach well but do not practice what they preach!” Ben Azzai responded, “What can I do? My soul longs for Torah. The world can be sustained by others” (Yevamot 63b). In fact, halakha accepts Ben Azzai’s position. If someone’s soul longs for Torah, and he spends his entire life studying with tremendous dedication, as a result of which he never marries, he has not sinned, as long as his sexual desire does not overcome him (MT, Laws of Marriage 15:3; SA EH 1:4). However, the language here is precise: he has not sinned, but le-khatḥila, it is not proper to behave this way (Naḥalat Tzvi; Taz ad loc. 6).",
+ "We see that there is only one mitzva one can engage in and thereby, under pressing circumstances, abstain from the mitzva of procreation – the mitzva of Torah study. This is because Torah study itself adds life to the world. The fact is that although Ben Azzai did not engage in procreation, he delved deeply into the great importance of the mitzva and expounded upon its great value. Certainly, many children were born as a result of his teachings. In contrast, when Ḥizkiyahu wished to stipulate his performance of the mitzva on having children who would not be wicked, he was negating the sacred principle underlying the mitzva, which expresses the absolute value of life. This is why he would have been subject to terrible punishment in both this world and the next. We learn from this that life is the supreme value, and even the wicked can repent. Furthermore, even if they do not repent, the righteous can learn from their mistakes. However, when one disregards the mitzva altogether, he uproots everything and denies the value of God-given life in this world."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The General Mitzva and the Individual Obligation",
+ "There is a Torah commandment to procreate. With every child a couple has, they fulfill a great mitzva and partner with God in the creation of another human being (Nidda 31a), thereby sustaining an entire world (m. Sanhedrin 4:5). This is the primary goal of creation, as God wanted the world to be inhabited. The Sages declare, “The world was created only for procreation, as the verse states (Yeshayahu 45:18), ‘He did not create it to be empty; He formed it to be inhabited’” (m. Gittin 4:5).",
+ "However, if the mitzva would have no clear parameters, it would be too vague, and in many cases, due to a variety of concerns, it would not be properly carried out. Marriage is a sensitive and complex issue that depends on the ideas, emotions, hopes, and consent of husband and wife (and sometimes also on the financial and emotional support of parents). It demands responsibility and courage.",
+ "Even after marriage, the general mitzva leaves much uncertainty. On one hand, since a tremendous mitzva is fulfilled with the birth of every child, perhaps having one child is enough, for that child alone is an entire world. And perhaps the couple should therefore postpone having that one child until they are near the age of forty, when they are economically stable and have a wealth of life experience. On the other hand, given the importance and greatness of this mitzva, perhaps each person should make a superhuman effort to have as many children as they can – marrying as young as possible and shortening a baby’s nursing period to have as many children as possible.",
+ "The Torah therefore set basic mandatory parameters for the mitzva, in addition to expressing the general idea. The Sages provided additional parameters to give the general idea a clearer and more obligatory character. The general mitzva of the Torah is to “be fruitful and multiply,” and one fulfills the mitzva with each child born. The Torah obligation is to have a son and a daughter, just as God originally created Adam and Ḥava: “And God created man in His image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and conquer it’” (Bereishit 1:27-28). Since the verse makes it clear that the Torah wishes us to be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth, the Sages established an additional obligation for a couple to have additional children (sections 5-6 below). They even determined a time for the fulfillment of the Torah obligation, that is, an age by which a person must get married (sections 7-10 below).",
+ "The general mitzva applies to men and women alike, and from a certain perspective, the woman’s reward is greater, for the more pain one experiences in fulfilling a mitzva, the greater the reward (Avot 5:23). However, there is disagreement about the individual obligation. According to the Sages, the obligation is incumbent upon a man; this is reflected in the man playing the more active role in effecting kiddushin and during sexual relations. It is also alluded in the verse, “Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and conquer it,” about which the Sages observe, “It is the nature of man to conquer, but it is not the nature of woman” (Yevamot 65b). Some explain that since pregnancy and childbirth are both painful and risky for a woman, the Torah did not impose it on women as an obligation, for “its ways are ways of pleasantness” (Meshekh Ḥokhma, Bereishit 9:7).",
+ "Yoḥanan b. Beroka disagrees with the Sages and says that women, too, are obligated in this mitzva, as the command is addressed in the plural, to both Adam and Ḥava: “God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be (pl.) fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and conquer it’” (Bereishit 1:28).",
+ "In practice, we rule in accordance with the Sages – the individual obligation is incumbent upon men. However, this does not diminish the rights of women; for instance, if it becomes clear that a woman’s husband is infertile, and she wishes to divorce him in order to have a child who will help her in her old age, her husband is required to grant her a divorce and pay her ketuba (Yevamot 65b; SA EH 1:13 and 154:6).",
+ "The practical difference is that if a woman does not want to get married, or wants to marry someone who cannot have children, she may do so; even though she is denying herself the opportunity to fulfill a great mitzva, she is not considered a sinner, since she is not obligated to procreate. A man, however, may not remain single and may not marry an infertile woman if he has yet to fulfill the mitzva to procreate (section 8 below).",
+ "As in the mitzvot of Torah study and prayer, here too we find that the Torah obligates men to fulfill the mitzva and makes it optional for women. As a result, those who are mandated and those who volunteer join together to fulfill the mitzva comprehensively."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Having a Son and a Daughter",
+ "If a man had a son and a daughter but one of them predeceased him without producing progeny, according to Rav Huna he has still fulfilled the mitzva of procreation, as he maintains that the mitzva is fulfilled with their birth. Even if a child lives for only a short time, his life has value. His soul revealed something positive in the world and even brought redemption closer, for “The (messianic) son of David will not arrive until all the souls of the body have been finished.” In contrast, R. Yoḥanan maintains that the mitzva is only fulfilled if a man’s children live after his death, because the objective of the mitzva is to ensure the continued habitation of the world (Yevamot 62a-b). Sadly, R. Yoḥanan himself buried all of his children before they had children of their own, and so he referred to himself when he spoke of a person who was not privileged to fulfill the mitzva. We rule in accordance with R. Yoḥanan. However, if someone leaves behind a son and daughter when he dies, even if they remain unmarried and too old to have children, he has still fulfilled his mitzva (SA EH 1:5).",
+ "If someone was predeceased by his son and daughter, but had a grandchild from each, he has fulfilled his obligation through his grandchildren. What matters is for his descendants to continue after him through his son and daughter.",
+ "If someone had a son and daughter, and his son has many children but his daughter passes away childless during his lifetime, he has not fulfilled his obligation, since he has offspring not from both children, but only through his son. The same applies if his daughter bears many children while his son passes away childless during his lifetime (SA EH 1:6). ",
+ "If someone has a son and daughter, but one of them is sterile or infertile, he has not fulfilled his obligation, since he did not have a son and daughter capable of having children (y. Yevamot 6:6; SA EH 1:5). However, if his son and daughter were themselves able to have children, but one or both of them married people who were not able to, or they did not marry at all, he has still fulfilled his obligation, since the children themselves are not sterile (Ḥelkat Meḥokek ad loc. 6).",
+ "If someone has a child who is deaf-mute or mentally incompetent, he fulfills his obligation, since the child is physically capable of having children (Rema, EH 1:6). Accordingly, someone with an autistic child fulfills the mitzva; however, someone with a Down syndrome child might not, because many children with Down syndrome (especially males) are infertile.",
+ "If a non-Jew had children and later converted to Judaism, some say that he fulfills his obligation to procreate if his children convert as well (Rambam; SA EH 1:7; Yam Shel Shlomo). Others maintain that even if his children do not convert to Judaism, he has still fulfilled the obligation of procreation (Tosafot; Maharil; Ḥelkat Meḥokek; Beit Shmuel; Bi’ur Ha-Gra ad loc. 17).",
+ "A Jewish man who has children with a non-Jewish woman does not fulfill the mitzva to procreate, since his children are not Jewish and are not halakhically considered of his lineage at all."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Mitzva to Have Many Children",
+ "As we have seen (section 3), people fulfill an important Torah commandment with every child they are privileged to have. Nevertheless, the Torah established an obligation for every Jewish man to have one son and one daughter. The Sages (Yevamot 62b) added a rabbinic obligation to have even more children for two reasons: a) the tremendous value of life, and b) to ensure fulfillment of the Torah commandment. Let us now expand upon these.",
+ "The first reason is the tremendous value of life, revealed within each and every soul. The Torah states many times that an increased number of children is both a mitzva and a blessing: “God blessed [Adam and Ḥava] and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and conquer it’” (Bereishit 1:28); “God blessed Noaḥ and his sons and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth’” (Bereishit 9:1); “Be fruitful and multiply, abound on the earth and multiply on it” (ibid., v. 7). Later, God told Avraham, “I will bestow My blessing upon you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars of heaven and the sands on the seashore” (ibid., 22:17). God said to Yitzḥak, “I will make your descendants as numerous as the stars of heaven” (ibid., 26:4). God promised Yaakov, “Your descendants shall be as the dust of the earth” (ibid., 28:14). One of the blessings promised to the Jewish people if they obey God is, “I will look with favor upon you, and make you fertile and multiply you” (Vayikra 26:9). Likewise, in the blessing Moshe bestowed upon them he said, “May the Lord, the God of your fathers, increase your numbers a thousandfold” (Devarim 1:11). Finally, the blessing will be fulfilled at the time of the redemption: “They will be fruitful and multiply” (Yirmiyahu 23:3), “I will multiply men and beasts upon you, and they will multiply and be fruitful” (Yeḥezkel 36:11), and “I will multiply their people like sheep” (ibid., v. 37).",
+ "This is what Rambam means when he writes: Although a man has fulfilled the mitzva of procreation (by having a son and daughter), he is rabbinically commanded not to neglect procreating as long as he has the strength, for anyone who adds a soul to the Jewish people is considered to have built a world. (MT, Laws of Marriage 15:16)",
+ "The second reason is to ensure the fulfillment of the Torah commandment. Even one who has a son and daughter cannot be sure that he will take part in the general objective of the mitzva, namely, that his son and daughter will continue his family line. Perhaps one of them will die, or will turn out to be infertile. ",
+ "This concern is what led R. Yehoshua to advise: If one had children in his youth, he should also have children in his old age, as it states (Kohelet 11:6), “Sow your seed in the morning, and don’t hold back your hand in the evening, since you don’t know which is going to succeed, the one or the other, or if both are equally good.” R. Matna says, “The halakha accords with R. Yehoshua.” (Yevamot 62b)"
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Two Tiers of the Rabbinic Mitzva",
+ "As we have seen, there is a Torah commandment to have a son and a daughter, and the Sages expanded this and enacted a rabbinic mitzva to have additional children. At first glance, it would seem that there is no limit to the rabbinic mitzva, and that people must do their best to have as many children as possible. However, it seems more reasonable to posit that there are two tiers within the rabbinic mitzva. The first tier is a blanket obligation to have four to five children. The second tier is to have even more children, each couple according to its capability.",
+ "Accordingly, ordinary couples of relatively sound mind and body are obligated to fulfill the rabbinic mitzva of having four to five children. Beyond this, they may assess whether they have the energy to continue fulfilling this important mitzva by having more children. For example, if they know that they can raise additional children and educate them in the ways of Torah, mitzvot, and derekh eretz (considerate behavior), they should continue to have as many children as they can. However, if they know that having additional children will be too stressful for them, making anger and irritability their constant companions, there are grounds for them to stop having children; even though each additional child is a mitzva, being in a bad emotional state often leads to transgression, which will likely have a negative impact on the upbringing of their children. Additionally, parents who are interested in channeling their talents in other meaningful ways may choose to do so even if this will leave them without the energy to raise additional children, as we will explain below in section 16. (Concerning permissible contraceptive methods, see sections 17-19; for the need to consult a rabbi, see section 20.)",
+ "The basis for dividing the rabbinic mitzva into two tiers is that we find that the Sages often pattern a rabbinic mitzva on a Torah commandment, and since the Torah established an obligation to have two children, it is reasonable to posit that the rabbinic obligation is to have an additional two children. One might even suggest that the requirement is to have a total of two girls and two boys. In most cases, then, in order to fulfill the rabbinic requirement, a couple would need to have five children. Indeed, it is the norm in most religious families today to make efforts to have at least four to five children.",
+ "Thus, although a couple fulfills a Torah commandment with each child that they have, there are three tiers of obligation within this mitzva: a) There is a Torah obligation to have a son and a daughter, and even when conditions make it challenging, the couple must make every effort to fulfill this mitzva (see below, sections 13-15, and ch. 6 sections 1-4). b) There is a rabbinic obligation to make efforts to have four to five children. c) There is a mitzva to have even more children, taking into account the parents’ energy (as we will explain below in sections 16 and 20)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Age of Marriage for Men",
+ "Although at the age of thirteen a male becomes obligated to fulfill all the mitzvot, the Sages say that the ideal age for a male to get married is eighteen, and no later than twenty. This delay is because he must prepare himself for the challenges of raising a family in two areas. ",
+ "The first is mastery of the basics of the Torah to mold his worldview and so that he knows how to act in accordance with halakha. This is what the Sages mean when they say, “Five years old is the age to begin studying Scripture; ten for Mishna; thirteen for the obligation of the commandments; fifteen for the study of Talmud; eighteen for marriage” (Avot 5:21). Elsewhere the Sages say that studying Torah should come before marriage, because if one marries first, the burden of supporting a family is likely to impede his Torah study (Kiddushin 29b). Similarly, Shulḥan Arukh rules, “A man should first learn Torah and then marry. For if he marries first, he will not be able to devote himself to Torah study, as he will have a millstone around his neck” (YD 246:2).",
+ "The second type of preparation is learning how to earn a living. It used to be that while a young man was studying the basics of the Torah, he devoted part of his day to working with his father and thus learning a trade that could earn him a living, build a home, and save up to invest in the furtherance of his career. The idea that one must have a means of support before getting married is derived by the Sages from the order of the verses in the Torah: “Who has built a new house…planted a vineyard…betrothed a woman…” (Devarim 20:5-7). ",
+ "The Talmud states: The Torah teaches us the proper way to go about things. First, one should build a house, then he should plant a vineyard, and only then should he get married. King Shlomo, too, wisely declared, “Put your external affairs in order; get ready what you have in the field, then build yourself a home” (Mishlei 24:27). “Put your external affairs in order” refers to the house; “get ready what you have in the field” refers to the vineyard; “then build yourself a home” refers to getting married. (Sota 44a)",
+ "Rambam similarly writes: It is the way of intelligent people to ensure that first they learn a trade with which they can support themselves, then buy a home, and afterwards they marry…. But fools marry first; then, if he can, he buys a house, and then, at the end, he will try to learn a trade or will live off charity… (MT, Laws of Dispositions 5:11)",
+ "Therefore, the Sages instruct men to postpone marriage until the age of eighteen. At the same time, they also warn against delaying marriage beyond the age of twenty, saying (Kiddushin 29b), “Until a man turns twenty, God sits and waits for him to get married. If he reaches the age of twenty and is not yet married, God says, ‘Let his bones swell up!’” In other words, he is cursed for not fulfilling the mitzva of procreation. The Sages also comment on the verse, “A time for giving birth and a time for dying” (Kohelet 3:2): “From the time of a person’s birth until he turns twenty, God awaits his marriage. If he reaches the age of twenty and has not yet married, God says to him, ‘There was a time for you to give birth, but you were not interested; now it is only a time to die’” (Kohelet Rabba 3:3).",
+ "Furthermore, the Sages state, “If a man does not marry by the age of twenty, he spends his whole life thinking sinful thoughts” (Kiddushin 29b), for as long as a man who has not yet reached that age knows that when the time comes he will marry and love his wife as himself, then even if he sometimes entertains sinful thoughts and transgresses by masturbating, he knows that it is improper and that when he is married he will reserve all his desire for his wife. However, when bachelorhood lasts too long, he despairs of mastering his desire, surrenders to it, and gets used to gratifying himself sinfully. Then, even when he marries and is faithful to his wife, it will be difficult for him to avoid sinful thoughts, because they will have become a part of him. Only if he repents sincerely out of love will he be able to correct this (above, 4:2, n. 2).",
+ "Some people manage to marry early, either because they had help from their parents or because they were exceptionally talented, and this is praiseworthy. As R. Ḥisda said of himself, his preeminence was not because he was more talented or more righteous than his colleagues, but because he was able to marry at sixteen and thus learn Torah in purity without sexual temptation. He added that had he gotten married at fourteen, he would have been so immune to the evil inclination that he would have been able to taunt Satan without fear of being tempted to sin (Kiddushin 29b-30a)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Coercion to Marry",
+ "Shulḥan Arukh rules, “It is a mitzva for every man to marry a woman when he is eighteen…and under no circumstances should he pass the age of twenty without a wife. If a man passes the age of twenty and does not want to get married, the beit din compels him to marry in order to fulfill the mitzva of procreation” (EH 1:3). What does this coercion involve? According to Rif and Rambam, he is beaten; according to Tosafot and Rosh, he is rebuked and sanctioned – no one is to do business with him or employ him, but he is not physically beaten or excommunicated (SA EH 154:21).",
+ "The question arises: How can a person be compelled to fulfill this mitzva, when marriage requires desire and love? How is it conceivable that we would coerce someone to get married? Clearly a man is not forced to marry someone he does not choose to marry. Rather, the Sages wish to advance a principled position: a person should get married by the age of twenty in order to fulfill the mitzva of procreation, and in principle the beit din should compel him to do so. In reality, though, only on rare occasions is the beit din in a position to intervene. An example would be a situation in which a young man has a close relationship with a young woman, and they have agreed to get married, but he keeps delaying the marriage based on various pretexts. In such a case, the beit din would compel him to marry her (R. Ḥayim Palachi, Ru’aḥ Ḥayim, EH 1:12).",
+ "Usually the issue of coercion arises when a man wants to marry a woman who cannot have children. For example, Rivash (who lived c. 600 years ago in Algiers) was asked about a young man who wanted to marry a rich old woman. The beit din of Tenes sought to prevent it on the grounds that he would not be able to procreate with her. Rivash responded that longstanding custom is not to compel particular matches, for such coercion can lead to much strife (Responsa Rivash §15). (The issue of a couple who has no children after ten years of marriage is addressed below, 6:7-8.)",
+ "To summarize, according to Shulḥan Arukh, the rabbinic courts can coerce a person to fulfill the mitzva of procreation, but as we have explained, in practice this has been done only in exceptional cases, when there was blatant disregard for the mitzva. According to Rivash and Rema, even then coercion is not used (SA EH 1:3). Current practice follows the last approach.",
+ "If a man reaches the age at which he is obligated to marry but has not found the right woman, even if there is a woman who is willing to marry him, he is not obligated to compromise, and he may continue his search for a suitable match (Yafeh La-lev, vol. 4, EH 1:13). However, if he is deluded, in search of a woman who does not exist or who would most likely not agree to marry him, he is guilty of delaying the mitzva. To help resolve these kinds of problems, the Sages instruct, “Get yourself a teacher; acquire a friend” (Avot 1:6). These mentors may give him advice, and sometimes even point out the error of his ways. The older the unmarried man, the harder he must try to fulfill the mitzva. This includes the willingness to compromise, because it would seem that what it comes down to is not compromising but adjusting to reality."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Age of Marriage for Men (In Practice)",
+ "Based on the Talmud, some prominent poskim write that a man may delay marriage until the age of 24 for the purpose of Torah study or if his financial situation does not allow for earlier marriage (Yam Shel Shlomo; Birkei Yosef). In the past, plain study of Tanakh, ethics, and halakha with its rationales was sufficient for a person to create a Jewish home. It was enough for someone to work a few hours a day with his father when he was young to acquire the skills necessary to earn a living by the age of eighteen. He would likely even be able to put aside some money for wedding expenses and for building a one room house.",
+ "In modern times, life has become more complex, and preparation for married life requires more time. To successfully cope with today’s challenges, most young men must study far more Torah than was necessary in the past. To that end, the majority of them need to study in a yeshiva framework for at least a year after the age of eighteen – usually for longer. There is another sacred obligation to which young men must give time, and this is serving in the IDF in order to protect our people and our country. This mitzva, too, causes marriage to be delayed. Similarly, learning a profession suited to one’s talents generally involves academic study, which can take a few years, and begins after army service. Another complicating factor is that today’s homes are more expensive. They are larger and equipped with utilities such as water and electricity. Purchasing such homes requires working for years.",
+ "If a man were to delay marriage until after he learned all the Torah fundamentals, finished studying a suitable profession, and bought a house, most young people today would need to marry in their thirties. Such a postponement is impossible according to halakha. After all, while the environment in which we live has become more complex, complicated, and challenging, people’s emotional and physical nature has not changed, and from that standpoint, the appropriate age for marriage is still eighteen.",
+ "Thus, in light of today’s more complicated life, marriage may be postponed past the age of twenty, as in extenuating circumstances. Nevertheless, it may not be deferred beyond the age of 24. On one hand, young people need more time to solidify their Torah knowledge, more fully form their worldview, and take their first steps toward acquiring a profession, or at least have a practical plan in place to learn a profession and support a family. On the other hand, they must not wait too long past the ideal emotional and physical age to get married, so as not to lose the enthusiasm and passion of youth necessary for building their relationship in its initial stages. We also find that people who wait until they are older to get married have more trouble finding their life partner, and some remain single for many years. In addition to all of this, the mitzvot of marriage and parenting require a person to express himself most fully and completely. As the Sages say, “any man without a wife is not a man” (Yevamot 63a), and such a person remains without happiness, without blessing, without goodness, without Torah, without fortification, and without peace (ibid. 62b). There is a limit to how many years a person can live absent all these. Additionally, we have seen that delaying marriage more than necessary can cause a person’s sexual drive to overwhelm him, so he will be unable to avoid sinful thoughts throughout his life (Kiddushin 29b). Therefore, most people should be instructed not to postpone marriage past the age of 24. People who are able to get married earlier – without seriously compromising their Torah study, army service, or career preparation – are blessed."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Age of Marriage for Women",
+ "As we have seen, halakha establishes eighteen to twenty as the ideal age for men to marry, with a delay until 24 under extenuating circumstances. In contrast, halakha does not establish a specific age for women to get married. The reason is that all mitzvot related to establishing and providing for a family, as well as the mitzva of Torah study, were imposed on men as an obligation, whereas for women it is a non-obligatory mitzva. A man who has not studied the basics of the Torah or cannot support his family is considered a sinner. Therefore, the Sages instruct men to wait until age eighteen to get married. In contrast, women can get married earlier, since they are not obligated to learn all the basics of the Torah and are not halakhically required to assume the burden of supporting their families. Men are obligated in the mitzva of procreation, so halakha does not allow a man to delay marriage past twenty, or in extenuating circumstances, past 24. In contrast, since women are not obligated to procreate, the Sages did not establish an age by which they must get married. Nevertheless, the Sages said that it is proper for a woman to marry as early as possible. This way, she will fulfill the mitzva of procreation without delay, and the evil inclination will not tempt her (Sanhedrin 76a).",
+ "Since a woman fulfills a tremendously important mitzva by marrying and having children, the Torah commands parents to do their best to help their daughters marry. The Sages even instruct people to put aside approximately one-tenth of their assets to help a daughter get married (Ketubot 52b; SA EH 113:1). Nevertheless, the beit din does not get involved in compelling parents to do so (Rema, EH 70:1).",
+ "In times of dire poverty, many families were forced to marry off their daughters while they were still girls in order to ensure their future, to make sure that they would not go hungry, and so that they would have the privilege of raising a family. Therefore, the Torah permitted a father to marry off his daughter while she was still a minor (under the age of twelve). However, when there was no existential need to marry off minors, the Sages prohibited doing so, saying, “A man may not marry off his daughter while she is still young; [rather, he must wait] until she has matured and is able to say, ‘I choose this one’” (Kiddushin 41a; SA EH 37:8)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Age of Marriage for Women Nowadays",
+ "Over the past several centuries, as the economic situation improved and stabilized, eliminating the need to marry off young girls to ensure their sustenance, the practice ceased to exist in most countries (AHS 37:33). Rather, marriages were generally arranged after girls reached halakhic adulthood and physical maturity, generally between the ages of thirteen and sixteen, and the final decision about whom to marry was left to them. The parents still had the very important job of helping their daughters choose a husband and of providing a dowry (approximately a tenth of their assets). However, the decision to get married was made by the girls themselves, and the kiddushin money was given to them directly.",
+ "Nowadays, thanks to a much higher standard of living and greater opportunities for women to utilize their talents in various fields, women are marrying later. There are two reasons for this. First, because women can now use their skills in many areas, they have a concomitant obligation to learn more Torah as they train in a suitable field, so that they can contribute goodness and blessing to the world. Second, in the past, young couples lived with their extended family, so even young women could have children because the older women would help them rear the children. In contrast, now that young couples set up house on their own, it is not realistic for women to get married until they are able to take full responsibility for caring for their children.",
+ "Nonetheless, women should not delay marriage too long. The right age for women to get married is slightly younger than the right age for men. First, girls mature earlier, as is reflected in their becoming obligated in mitzvot at the age of twelve, a year earlier than boys. Second, the mitzva to learn Torah requires less of women than of men. Third, women are not obligated to serve in the army as men are. It is true that nowadays, when it comes to supporting a family, women share the burden with men. One might think this would cause marriage to be delayed. On the contrary, it can enable earlier marriage. If a woman finishes her studies early, she can assume most of the burden of supporting the family at the beginning of the marriage, putting her husband through school where he can train in a suitable field, rather than needing to wait until he is able to support the family. ",
+ "In conclusion, the appropriate age of marriage today for men is between twenty and 24, while for women it is approximately two years younger."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Responsibilities of Young Adults, Parents, and Society",
+ "The mitzva to get married poses a great challenge today for young people, their parents, and society as a whole. Young adults are expected, within a few years, to form a Torah-based worldview, acquire a profession that suits their talents, and start a family. In addition to this, men are expected to complete their army service and study as much Torah as possible.",
+ "The primary responsibility for meeting this challenge rests with young adults themselves. They must plan carefully to avoid wasting time during these precious years. Even though we have defined the present day as “pressing circumstances,” when young men may delay marriage until 24, one who wastes time during these years is disregarding a Torah commandment. Therefore, every young man and young woman has an obligation to pave a way to integrate all these values. They must try to marry at a young age while simultaneously acquiring suitable professions, in order to support their family and contribute to the world.",
+ "The second responsibility is that of the parents. The Sages teach that it is the parents’ responsibility to marry off their children (Kiddushin 29a-30b), as it says, “Take wives and beget sons and daughters; take wives for your sons and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters” (Yirmiyahu 29:6). In other words, the mitzva of procreation does not end with the birth of the children, but continues. When children mature and reach marriageable age, the parents must encourage them to get married, and provide them with both advice and financial help. This makes the parents partners in ensuring continuity. The Sages instruct parents to set aside a tenth of their assets for the marriage of each child. It would seem that nowadays, a significant part of the parents’ support should be directed toward helping their children to successfully navigate the challenge of combining marriage, professional training, and in some cases childcare as well.",
+ "Society as a whole also has a responsibility to create conditions conducive to young people fulfilling the mitzva of getting married in a timely fashion. To allow for this, it is necessary to make professional training as efficient as possible, to help young people find affordable housing and childcare, and to enable women to begin their studies as early as possible so that they can help support their family in the initial years of the marriage."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Permit to use Birth Control for a Year",
+ "In the past, most women nursed their children for about two years, and nursing would almost always prevent ovulation and menstruation. Consequently, a woman could not become pregnant while nursing, and there was thus a natural gap of about two years between birth and the next pregnancy. Today, reality has changed in two ways. First, the average time spent nursing has been shortened to six months or less. There are several reasons for this: women have joined the workforce, life is more stressful, and substitutes for breast milk are available. Second, for many women, nursing does not prevent ovulation and menstruation, so they can become pregnant even while nursing.",
+ "Thus, if a couple fulfill the mitzva of ona at its set times, many women would conceive a few months after giving birth, especially women who are not nursing at all or are nursing some of the time and supplementing with formula. The question arises: may a couple use contraception in the year following birth, to enable them to fulfill the mitzva of ona while avoiding another pregnancy?",
+ "Some rabbis are inclined to rule stringently and do not permit birth control except if there is a great need, such as when the mother is extremely weak or very stressed. In their opinion, the mitzva of procreation requires having as many children as possible. However, the halakha follows the opinion of most poskim, who maintain that when necessary it is permissible to prevent pregnancy using halakhically acceptable methods (as explained in sections 17-19). Experience shows that from the perspective of physical and psychological health, it is best for most women to take a break of approximately nine months to a year between birth and the next pregnancy. Accordingly, it is permissible le-khatḥila for all women to use contraceptive methods during this time. Similarly, after a miscarriage, birth control may be used for several months if necessary, based on the instruction of a God-fearing doctor."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Birth Control for Two Years or More",
+ "Prior to the fulfillment of the mitzva of procreation, contraceptives should not be used for more than a year. However, some women, because of their physical or emotional state, need a break of more than a year after giving birth. In such cases, birth control may be used for up to two years.",
+ "A couple who has not yet fulfilled the Torah commandment of procreation may not use contraception for more than a year if using it is for financial reasons or to make studying or working easier. Some poskim are lenient in these cases too, and allow birth control for up to two years. ",
+ "Although it is preferable to follow the majority of poskim and not be lenient, for the world was created for this mitzva and it gives people the opportunity to be God’s partners in sustaining the world (Gittin 41a-b; Nidda 31a), nevertheless, those who wish to be lenient in this regard have someone to rely upon.12 Even this leniency is limited to two years.",
+ "It is incorrect for a woman to claim that since she is not obligated in the mitzva, she is therefore allowed to use contraception for an unlimited amount of time. Ever since the acceptance of Rabbeinu Gershom’s ordinance forbidding men to marry two women or to divorce their wives against their will, a man is completely dependent upon his wife to fulfill the mitzva of procreation. Therefore, when a woman consents to get married, she is also agreeing to be her husband’s partner in fulfilling this mitzva (Responsa Ḥatam Sofer, EH §20).",
+ "In extenuating circumstances, such as when a woman suffers from physical or mental illness whose treatment requires contraception, it is permissible to use birth control for more than two years following a birth, even if the couple has not yet fulfilled the Torah requirement by having a son and daughter. This permit should be granted only after serious deliberation and after consultation with a God-fearing doctor."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Birth Control for Newlyweds",
+ "Under normal circumstances, a couple may not use contraception if they have not yet had children, because the mitzva of procreation is an absolute obligation meant to be fulfilled within a certain time frame. Thus, the Sages state (Kiddushin 29b), “Until a man turns twenty, God sits and waits for him to get married. If he reaches the age of twenty and is not yet married, God says, ‘Let his bones swell up!’” because he has not started to fulfill the mitzva of procreation (MT, Laws of Marriage 15:2; section 7 above). Nevertheless, we have seen (section 9) that in our times, one may delay marriage, when necessary, until the age of 24. Those who are privileged to marry earlier may not actively avoid fulfilling the mitzva of procreation.",
+ "Only when there are extenuating circumstances, such as when the wife suffers from physical or mental illness, is it permissible for newlyweds to use contraception even before her first pregnancy, so that she can get healthy. This permit should be granted only after serious deliberation and after consultation with a God-fearing doctor.",
+ "Similarly, if a couple’s relationship is shaky and there is concern that they will have to divorce, they should avoid pregnancy until their relationship is stable. This permit is generally for the period of six months to a year.",
+ "There is another reason to consider a couple’s circumstances to be pressing: when both are enrolled in particularly rigorous academic frameworks, such as medical school. If no one is available to help them, and in their estimation, getting pregnant and having a baby would mean that at least one of them would need to drop out of school and lose the opportunity to realize their aspirations and develop their talents in a profession that suits them so as to contribute to society, then since pregnancy and birth would cause them considerable and lasting harm, they may use contraception, as these are pressing circumstances. This is on condition that using contraception will not prevent them from fulfilling the mitzva of procreation by having four to five children (as explained above in section 6). The situation needs to be examined seriously by a wise rabbi.",
+ "Let us say a young couple is in a serious relationship and are planning to get married, and they ask whether it is preferable to get married and use contraception until they finish their professional schooling, or postpone marriage. Then even though their halakhic obligation is to get married and not use birth control, nevertheless, if these are the only two options they are willing to consider, it is better that they get married and use contraception. By delaying marriage, they will be delaying the fulfillment of the mitzva of ona, and will also be prone to having sinful thoughts."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Contraception After Fulfillment of the Torah Obligation",
+ "Some authorities rule stringently that even after a couple has fulfilled the Torah commandment of procreation by having a son and a daughter, contraception is still forbidden, because the Sages ordained a mitzva to have as many children as they can. Therefore, the use of contraception is permissible only for nine months to a year following birth, to allow the woman to recuperate and tend to her baby’s needs. Beyond that, contraception is permitted only if there is a specific health-related need. Contraception because of preoccupation with raising the children or financial constraints is forbidden.",
+ "Nevertheless, in practice, as we learned (section 6), the rabbinic obligation can be understood to mean having four to five children, while having more children is a great mitzva but not an obligation. Therefore, until one fulfills the rabbinic obligation, it is best not to use contraception for more than a year after birth. Those who wish to be lenient, to allow more time for physical and emotional recuperation, may use contraception for two years, because for many generations, this was the duration of the natural contraception that resulted from nursing. In cases of illness, as long as the biblical obligation of having a son and a daughter has been fulfilled, contraception may be used for more than two years.",
+ "After the rabbinic obligation of having four to five children has been fulfilled, it is permissible to use contraception for an indefinite amount of time if necessary. For example, if a couple knows that they would feel overburdened by additional children, leading to irritability and anger and making it difficult for them to educate their children properly, they may use birth control. If a couple wants to focus on their important, valuable jobs more than they want to have additional children, and they feel they will not be able to do so if they have more children, they may use birth control. If a wife wants to work at a job that will make use of her talents, and having more children will prevent her from doing so and leave her extremely frustrated, the couple may use birth control. Poor people who believe that it will be hard to raise more children without needing to accept charity may use birth control. ",
+ "The couple should weigh all these factors together; if they disagree, they should compromise, as they are codependent partners. It is also good idea to consult with someone wise.",
+ "Those who wish to enhance the fulfillment of the mitzva will continue to have as many children as they can, even after they already have five. Even if they use contraception for a year following each birth, it is considered enhancing the mitzva. This is the proper conduct for those who feel that without too much difficulty they can raise more children in the ways of Torah, mitzvot, and derekh eretz, and whose work is not a calling that will be harmed significantly by having more children. ",
+ "A woman at the age of about forty who is concerned about increasing risk may use contraception from then on. This is common even among those who enhance the mitzva."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Birth Control Methods",
+ "Halakha prohibits the wasting of seed, so even when contraception is permitted, it is prohibited to prevent pregnancy by means of coitus interruptus (above, 4:1 and n. 1). Likewise, having sexual relations with a condom is prohibited, for the man ejaculates into the condom, thereby wasting his seed.",
+ "However, it is permissible to prevent pregnancy indirectly, by means of two main methods: a) taking birth control pills; b) inserting an IUD (intrauterine device). ",
+ "These are considered the most effective contraceptive methods and the most halakhically preferred, because the prevention of pregnancy takes place in the body of the woman, and indirectly, with no harm done to the sperm. Therefore, when birth control is permitted, these methods are permissible according to all opinions (as explained in section 18).",
+ "There are two other methods which are less effective in preventing pregnancy and also less preferable halakhically: a) spermicide (foam or vaginal suppository); b) diaphragm. (In section 19, we explain how these methods work.)",
+ "In discussing when contraception is permissible le-khatḥila, we were assuming use of the pill or an IUD. However, permission is granted only be-di’avad for a diaphragm or spermicide. Those wishing to use them must have a more compelling reason to do so (as explained in section 19).",
+ "Women who are fortunate to be able to rely on nursing for contraception are free of all the concerns and side effects accompanying the various methods of birth control. Therefore, if a woman is not afraid of becoming pregnant soon after giving birth, it is recommended that she not use contraceptives while nursing. If while nursing she does not menstruate or get pregnant, she will know that nursing works for her as a means of contraception. Then, after subsequent births, she can prevent pregnancy by nursing without any need for the pill or to have an IUD inserted. Nonetheless, if someone is worried about getting pregnant while nursing, she may use contraceptives for a period of nine months to a year after giving birth."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Birth Control Pills and IUDs",
+ "Birth control pills are meant to be taken orally every day. The pills contain hormones that either prevent ovulation or prevent the implantation of the egg in the uterus. It is also possible for these hormones to be delivered through a patch, which is effective for a week, or via a vaginal hormonal ring, which is effective for three weeks. There are several advantages to the hormonal methods of contraception. They are user-friendly; they can be used for just a month or for years; and prolonged use can significantly lengthen the time during which a woman is ritually pure, since she does not menstruate as long as she continues to take the hormones. Thus, if the duration of a woman’s ritually pure time is generally two to three weeks of each menstrual cycle, by taking the pill it is possible to extend this time to a month and a half or longer. The couple can also control when the woman will be a nidda and plan it based on their convenience. Nevertheless, the hormones should not be taken for extended periods of time without medical approval.",
+ "The downside of hormonal treatments is that they often have side effects, such as moodiness, weight gain, and loss of libido. However, there are many types of birth control pills. A woman, under her doctor’s supervision, can switch to a different pill until she finds the best one for her, thus reducing the side effects. Some people are concerned that hormonal treatments are carcinogenic, but the general consensus among doctors today is that the risk is minimal and not a cause for concern. Some even claim that the hormones reduce the risk of certain diseases. One more disadvantage is that sometimes the hormones lead to breakthrough bleeding, which may render the woman a nidda. Switching to a different pill usually solves this problem.",
+ "Nursing mothers need to take special birth control pills that do not adversely affect nursing. The problem is that these pills are more likely to lead to spotting and staining. Usually, taking an additional half pill a day stops the bleeding, but if it continues, an alternate solution must be found (see n. 17 above).",
+ "An IUD is inserted into the uterus by a doctor and prevents the egg from implanting in the uterine lining, although exactly how it works is something of a mystery. The advantages of the IUD are that it has neither the side effects of hormones nor the medical concerns. Additionally, a woman does not need to remember to take it every day as with the pill. Therefore, many women prefer to use an IUD instead of hormonal contraception.",
+ "The disadvantages of an IUD are that it is relatively expensive and must be inserted by a doctor. It is therefore normally used for a year or more at a time. Another major drawback is that the IUD can cause bleeding for an extended time following its insertion. Even after that, it can lengthen normal menstrual bleeding by one to three days, thereby reducing the number of days that a woman is pure. Additionally, if an IUD is inserted incorrectly, it can cause bleeding until it is replaced."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Spermicides and Diaphragms",
+ "There are two contraceptive methods that are halakhically controversial. One is the use of a spermicidal foam, gel, or suppository that a woman inserts into her vagina before sexual relations. The second is the use of a diaphragm, a shallow, dome-shaped cup that a woman inserts in the vagina to block the opening of the cervix to block sperm from reaching the uterus. Spermicide is usually placed on the diaphragm in order to increase the effectiveness of the contraceptive. When a woman knows how to properly insert the diaphragm, the chances that she will conceive are very slim, but few women know how to insert it properly. In practice, among women who use either of these two contraceptive methods while regularly fulfilling the mitzva of ona, more than ten percent can expect to get pregnant over the course of a year.",
+ "Poskim who are lenient maintain that since the woman is the one who inserts the diaphragm or spermicide, and since the couple has sexual relations without any barriers between their bodies, it is not considered a waste of seed, only a means of preventing the sperm from reaching the uterus and fertilizing the ovum. Those who are stringent maintain that using spermicide is, by definition, destroying seed.",
+ "When there is a real need to avoid pregnancy, and for whatever reason birth control pills and an IUD are contraindicated, a couple may use these two methods. However, if spermicides and diaphragms were more effective, it would be permissible to rely on the lenient views only under extenuating circumstances. It is precisely because there is more than a ten percent chance that a woman using these methods will get pregnant within a year that they may be used if necessary (Ezrat Kohen §37). This is on condition that a couple using them have reconciled themselves that should a pregnancy occur they will accept it with good grace."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Asking a Rabbi",
+ "The generally accepted instruction, as written in most responsa that deal with questions of this sort, is that a rabbi should be consulted on all questions involving contraception and birth control. Since the subject is complex and the consequences are fateful, such questions demand serious consideration. The factors on which the ruling hinges, in short, are: a) the number of children the couple already has – i.e., whether they have already fulfilled the Torah commandment or the rabbinic commandment, and to what degree; b) the man’s age – the more time that has passed since he turned twenty, the harder it is to permit the use of contraception before the fulfillment of the mitzva to procreate; c) the woman’s age – the older she is, the greater the risk that using contraception will end up preventing the couple from having the number of children they desire, or even from fulfilling the Torah commandment; d) the reasons for seeking contraception – they may include physical or mental illness, financial difficulties or psychological issues, the need for personal fulfillment, difficulty with raising children, or prevention of anger and tension; e) the method of birth control – when the le-khatḥila methods (the pill or IUD) are not an option, the need to use contraception must be weighed against the difficulty of granting permission to use the be-di’avad methods (spermicide or a diaphragm).",
+ "Another reason to consult a rabbi is that sometimes the couple does not see the whole picture. They may think that because of the importance of the mitzva they are forbidden to use birth control, when in reality in their particular situation they should be using birth control for a year or more. In another case, their stress and financial struggles seem worse to them than they really are. If they use contraception they are likely to regret it years later, but by then it will be too late. In order to avoid these types of mistakes, it is prudent to consult a rabbi. His life experience, together with his good judgment, allows him to properly weigh the variables and values at stake and to guide the couple toward proper fulfillment of the mitzva in a manner that will benefit them in this world and the next.",
+ "In truth, in simple cases it is unnecessary to ask a rabbi. For example, any young couple may use contraception for nine months to a year after a birth. Even so, speaking with a rabbi is still a good idea, as they might learn about other things, and they will strengthen their relationship with him. When the question is complicated, anyone who is not an expert in all the pertinent issues must ask a rabbi. Someone who has the requisite expertise can generally figure out the right thing to do. Nevertheless, people are prone to err in assessing their difficulties, evaluating the challenges facing them, and weighing them correctly against the values on the other side of the scale. The misjudgments can go in either direction. The couple may be exaggerating or minimizing the difficulties and challenges. Therefore, it is preferable for them to ask a rabbi who knows them if they want to use contraception for more than a year after a birth. When the wife has a relationship with a rabbanit who is experienced in this field, the couple may decide that the wife will consult with her.",
+ "If the couple do not have a rabbi or rabbanit who knows them personally, they should ask a rabbi who is familiar with their value system. Nevertheless, since he does not know them personally, it will be difficult for him to assess whether they are overstating or understating the difficulties and challenges that they are facing. Therefore, his answer cannot be complete."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Selling a Torah Scroll for the Sake of Marriage",
+ "Due to the supreme sanctity of a Torah scroll, the Sages say that it must not be sold, and that one who sells a Torah scroll will never see blessing from that sale (Megilla 27a). Even when the owner of a Torah scroll has barely enough to eat, he should not sell it. Even if he does not have the money to buy necessary mitzva items, such as tefilin and mezuzot, he should not sell it (SA YD 270:1). Nevertheless, there are two mitzvot that are so important that, if one has no way to fulfill them without selling a Torah scroll, he may do so and use the proceeds for these mitzvot: Torah study and marriage. Even a community may sell its Torah scroll to marry off an orphan (SA 153:6; EH 1:2).",
+ "The unique quality of these two mitzvot is that they actualize the purpose of the Torah. Studying Torah brings the Torah’s words to life in people’s hearts, while marriage brings about the birth of children who will uphold the Torah (Megilla 27a).",
+ "This law does not come up often nowadays, because it is uncommon for a person to be unable to marry due to extreme poverty. There are always generous Jews who will help provide the basic necessities that enable the couple to wed. Nevertheless, this law teaches us the tremendous value of the mitzvot of marriage and procreation.",
+ "Some say that permission to sell a Torah scroll is limited to the case of someone who has not yet fulfilled the mitzva of procreation by having a son and a daughter (SA EH 1:8). According to many others, even someone who has already fulfilled the mitzva of procreation by having a son and a daughter may sell a Torah scroll in order to marry and have more children. This is the position of most Rishonim and Aḥaronim. ",
+ "Even if selling a Torah scroll will not provide a man with enough money to marry a woman of childbearing age, but only enough to marry a woman who cannot have children, some say he may not do so (Nimukei Yosef; Ritva), but others maintain that he may, as being married will enable him to become complete, fulfill the mitzva of ona, and protect himself from sinful thoughts (Ramban; Ḥelkat Meḥokek EH 1:10)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Blessing of the People and Inheriting Eretz Yisrael",
+ "Great is the mitzva to procreate, for through it comes the fulfillment of God’s blessing to the people of Israel, and through it the people of Israel inherit the Holy Land. God said to our patriarch Avraham: Raise your eyes and look out from where you now are, to the north and south, to the east and west, for I give all the land that you see to you and your offspring forever. I will make your offspring as the dust of the earth, so that if one can count the dust of the earth, then your offspring too can be counted. (Bereishit 13:14-16)",
+ "God also told Avraham after the binding of his son Yitzḥak: I will bestow My blessing upon you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars of heaven and the sands on the seashore; and your descendants shall seize the gates of their foes. (ibid., 22:17)",
+ "Similarly, our patriarch Yitzḥak was told: I will make your descendants as numerous as the stars of heaven, and give to your descendants all these lands, so that all the nations of the earth shall bless themselves by your offspring. (ibid., 26:4)",
+ "Likewise, God told our patriarch Yaakov in Beit El (before he left for Ḥaran): The ground on which you are lying I will assign to you and to your offspring. Your descendants shall be as the dust of the earth; you shall spread out to the west and to the east, to the north and to the south. All the families of the earth shall bless themselves by you and your descendants. (ibid., 28:13-14)",
+ "Upon Yaakov’s return from Ḥaran, God said to him: I am El Shaddai. Be fruitful and multiply. A nation, yea an assembly of nations, shall descend from you. Kings shall issue from your loins. The land that I assigned to Avraham and Yitzḥak I assign to you; and to your offspring to come will I assign the land. (ibid., 35:11-12)",
+ "Similarly, God promised Israel that if they follow in His ways they will merit an abundance of blessing, including: “I will look with favor upon you, and make you fertile and multiply you, and I will maintain My covenant with you” (Vayikra 26:9).",
+ "When the Jewish people were poised to enter Eretz Yisrael, it was not part of the divine plan that they inherit the land on the east bank of the Jordan River. It was only following the request of the tribes of Reuven and Gad that permission for this was granted. It seems reasonable to ask, if the land on the east side of the Jordan is also part of the Eretz Yisrael, why did they not originally intend to settle it? The answer is that since the Israelites did not sufficiently procreate during their forty years of wandering in the desert, they did not have enough people to populate the east bank of the Jordan adequately. Therefore, God’s plan was that they would first populate the heartland of Israel, on the west bank of the Jordan. Once the population increased sufficiently, they would settle the east bank as well. ",
+ "God describes this process similarly: I will not drive them out before you in a single year, lest the land become desolate and the wild animals would be too many for you. I will drive them out before you little by little, until you have increased and possess the land. I will set your borders from the Sea of Reeds to the Sea of Philistia, and from the wilderness to the Euphrates; for I will deliver the inhabitants of the land into your hands, and you will drive them out before you. (Shemot 23:29-31)",
+ "The price for not having enough Israelites to settle the entire land was that their enemies remained, and so they experienced what the verse warned of: But if you do not dispossess the inhabitants of the land, those whom you allow to remain shall be stings in your eyes and thorns in your sides, and they shall harass you in the land in which you live. (Bamidbar 33:55)",
+ "Thus, when Moshe addressed Israel before his death and instructed them to conquer Eretz Yisrael, he bestowed upon them a blessing of increase: Start out and make your way to the hill country of the Amorites and to all their neighbors in the Arava, the hill country, the Shefela, the Negev, the seacoast, the land of the Canaanites, and the Lebanon, as far as the Great River, the river Euphrates…. Go, enter the land…. The Lord your God has multiplied you until you are today as numerous as the stars of the sky. May the Lord, the God of your fathers, increase your numbers a thousandfold, and bless you as He promised you [for thus you will be able to inherit fully the entire land]. (Devarim 1:7-11)",
+ "The delay of the proper fulfillment of the mitzva of procreation was one of the reasons that more than 300 years passed from Israel’s entry into the land until the establishment of the Kingdom of David and the building of the Temple in Jerusalem."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Redemption Depends upon This Mitzva",
+ "Great is the mitzva of procreation, for through it Israel was redeemed from Egypt, as it says: “The Israelites were fertile and prolific; they multiplied and increased very greatly, so that the land was filled with them…. The more they were oppressed, the more they increased and spread out” (Shemot 1:7, 12). The Sages said that there will never be a generation of Israel with fewer than 600,000 people. It was only when Israel reached that number that they became a nation and could leave Egypt and receive the Torah (Zohar, Ra’aya Mehemna III 216b; Tiferet Yisrael ch. 29). Had they not made efforts to fulfill the mitzva, had they been even one person short, they would not have merited leaving Egypt or receiving the Torah (Devarim Rabba 7:8). That is what the Sages meant when they said, “In the merit of the righteous women of that generation, Israel was redeemed from Egypt” (Sota 11b). In reward for their efforts to ensure continuity, they raised “all this proliferation” (Tanḥuma Pekudei §9; above, 1:8).",
+ "It is important to add that after the Holocaust, in which we lost six million of our people, it is a greater mitzva than ever to have families which are as large as possible. We must recreate what was destroyed, so that the Jewish people can realize its divine mission (see Ramban on Devarim 30:2).",
+ "The Sages say that just as Israel was redeemed from Egypt because they procreated, so too they will be redeemed in the future because of their procreation, as it says (Yeshayahu 54:3), “For you shall spread out to the right and the left; your offspring shall dispossess nations and shall people the desolate towns” (Eliyahu Zuta 14).",
+ "Likewise, R. Assi states, “The (messianic) son of David will not arrive until all the souls of the body have been finished, as it says (Yeshayahu 57:16), ‘For I will not always contend; I will not be angry forever. For the spirit that enwraps itself is from Me; it is I Who made souls’” (Yevamot 62a). This means that there is a storehouse of Jewish souls, and each Jew who is born reveals a spark from it. Even if a baby dies immediately after birth, its soul reveals something in this world and brings the redemption nearer. Thus, even if the Jewish people do not repent properly (God forbid), once all the souls are born, all necessary correctives will be achieved. The process of redemption will advance, and as a result the Jewish people will repent. If, instead, we wake up earlier and repent fully, God will speed up the redemption. First, every woman will have the privilege of giving birth to more children (Tosafot to Nidda 13b, s.v. “ad”). Second, every Jew who is born will reveal many sparks rather than just one (Maharsha, Nidda ad loc.). This will use up all the souls in the warehouse, so the redemption will arrive speedily.",
+ "Thus, by fulfilling the mitzva of procreation we draw the redemption nearer, and through its blessings the redemption will be realized, as it is written: I myself will gather the remnant of My flock from all the lands to which I had banished them, and I will bring them back to their pasture, where they will be fruitful and multiply. (Yirmiyahu 23:3)",
+ "Likewise, it says: You, O mountains of Israel, shall yield your produce and bear your fruit for My people Israel, for their return is near. For I will care for you; I will turn to you, and you shall be tilled and sown. I will settle a large population on you – the whole House of Israel; the towns shall be resettled, and the ruined sites rebuilt. I will multiply men and beasts upon you, and they will multiply and be fruitful, and I will resettle you as you were formerly, and will make you more prosperous than you were at first. And you shall know that I am the Lord. (Yeḥezkel 36:8-11)",
+ "Similarly: Thus said the Lord, God: Moreover, in this I will respond to the House of Israel and act for their sake. I will multiply their people like sheep. As Jerusalem is filled with sacrificial sheep during her festivals, so shall the ruined cities be filled with flocks of people. And they shall know that I am the Lord. (ibid., vv. 37-38)"
+ ]
+ ],
+ [
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Duty to Use Medical Technology (IVF)",
+ "If it becomes clear, after reliable testing, that a couple’s chance to conceive naturally is very low, they are required to undergo whatever treatments are conventionally prescribed by medical practitioners in order to fulfill the mitzva of procreation by having a son and a daughter. This includes IVF (in vitro fertilization), a procedure that involves extracting the woman’s ova and the man’s sperm and putting them together in a lab so that eggs become fertilized and develop into embryos, which are then implanted in the woman’s uterus.",
+ "In the past, poskim ruled that people are not obligated to take unnatural measures to fulfill the mitzva. However, that was at a time when methods to deal with fertility issues were not reliable, when there was no medical consensus about them, and therefore, most people were not taking advantage of treatments developed by some physicians, and, consequently, these efforts were considered unnatural. Now that these medical interventions have proven to be so successful that most infertility can be resolved, whatever is medically conventional is considered part of the obligation of this mitzva. Clearly, this obligation includes all treatments that an HMO covers for its members, and it seems to me that even treatments that are not included under regular health insurance, if they are treatments that most people who want children are willing to undergo, are required, even if they are expensive, to enable the fulfillment of the mitzva of procreation.",
+ "Even one who has already fulfilled the Torah commandment of procreation has a rabbinic mitzva to have more children, using the tools offered by modern medicine. Nevertheless, if it demands a major effort, it is only an embellishment of the mitzva."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Providing Sperm for Testing or IVF",
+ "When a couple experiences difficulty conceiving, sometimes it is necessary to conduct a semen analysis to determine whether there is male factor infertility. Other times it is necessary for the man to provide sperm for the purpose of IVF or IUI (intrauterine insemination), a procedure in which his sperm is injected into his wife’s uterus.",
+ "To collect this sperm, the husband should have sexual relations with his wife while wearing a condom. The condom must be a special one, without any spermicide (as that would obviously interfere with the test results). It should also have a tiny hole in it, so that it is possible for some sperm to escape. That way, according to all poskim, there is no prohibition of wasting seed.",
+ "A regular condom may be used in two circumstances: when no condom with a small hole is available, and when the sperm being collected is for IVF which is being done to prevent genetic diseases. (In this case, one does not want any sperm to reach the woman’s uterus, as this may lead to the birth of a baby with the disease.) It would seem that all poskim would agree in these cases as well.",
+ "When having relations with a condom is impossible, for example in a case where the sample must be brought to the lab almost immediately, most poskim permit the wife to stimulate her husband manually, to enable him to ejaculate into a condom or container used for that purpose. It is possible that all would agree to this as well.",
+ "Because of the severity of the prohibition of wasting seed, some maintain that when this is necessary to determine the reason for infertility, all possible tests must be conducted on the woman before the man may provide a sperm sample. In practice, all tests that can easily be performed on the woman should be done first. After that it is permissible to conduct the necessary tests on the man, because as long as the wife helps her husband produce the sample, it is considered part of the fulfillment of the mitzva.",
+ "When a couple cannot have relations using a condom, and the wife cannot help her husband ejaculate because she is a nidda, according to most poskim the man may ejaculate into a container. Others do not allow it. In practice, when there is no other option, one may be lenient."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Genetic Diseases",
+ "It is often asked whether a man who carries a serious genetic disease is obligated to fulfill the mitzva of procreation in light of the real risk of having a child who suffers from that disease. Poskim disagree about this; some say that he still has an obligation to have a son and a daughter, for even if they are sick, he has contributed to populating the world. Moreover, there is a good chance that the child will be completely healthy. Others say that the Torah does not command us to procreate when there is a significant risk of having a child whose life will be one of constant suffering. In practice, in cases like these, a wise person should be consulted.",
+ "Nowadays, however, by God’s grace, there is a solution for most genetic illnesses, namely, it is often possible to do IVF and then, a few days later, to check the embryos for disease (pre-implantation genetic diagnosis, or PGD), and only implant disease-free embryos in the woman’s uterus. Where this option is available, the couple has an obligation to fulfill the mitzva in this way, so as not to have sick children."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Additional Halakhic Questions",
+ "If an unmarried young man has cancer and must undergo radiation therapy and other treatments that may permanently affect his virility, it is a mitzva for him to provide sperm prior to the treatment, so that it can be frozen and then used to impregnate his eventual wife. Even if he is too young to be contemplating marriage, once he has reached the age of thirteen he is obligated in mitzvot. To fulfill the mitzva of procreation, there is a mitzva for him to produce semen that can later be used to have children. This is not wasting seed, as it is for the sake of procreation. Even if the treatments might not render him sterile, in which case it will have been unnecessary for him to provide sperm, he still has a mitzva to do so in order to guarantee his future ability to have children and fulfill the mitzva. If he can provide sperm without touching himself, that is preferable; if not, he may stimulate himself manually.",
+ "If a husband or wife is HIV-positive, then every time they have sexual relations, the spouse is at risk of contracting the virus. The only way to avoid this is to use a condom, which protects the healthy spouse. Some poskim rule that the couple may not have sexual relations, since regular condom use is considered wasting seed, and the couple must therefore divorce (Minḥat Shlomo 3:103:16). Others maintain that the prohibition of condom use is for its usual purpose, namely, contraception. However, if it is being used to protect the life of the husband or wife, they may use a condom, so they can at least fulfill the mitzva of ona (Aḥiezer 3:24:5; Igrot Moshe, EH 1:63; Tzitz Eliezer 9:51:2). Halakha follows the latter opinion."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Procreation for the Mentally or Psychologically Disabled or Ill",
+ "Those who are mentally of psychologically ill or disabled, namely, those who cannot take responsibility for care of children, are exempt from the mitzva to procreate. We can infer from the idea that marriage can be delayed until a man’s worldview and ability to provide for a family stabilize (5:7 and 5:9 above) that one who is incapable of taking responsibility for the care of his children, even at the most basic level, is not obligated in the mitzva. ",
+ "Even if such a person is capable of marrying, the couple should avoid having children. The easiest method is via an IUD."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / A Mamzer",
+ "The poskim disagree about whether a man fulfills the mitzva of procreation by having a son and daughter through an adulterous sexual union that renders them mamzerim. ",
+ "Poskim also disagree about whether a mamzer has a mitzva to marry a woman whom he is permitted to marry – a mamzeret or convert – and have a son and daughter, even though these children will also be mamzerim.",
+ "Those who maintain that the mitzva applies to them adduce proof from the Talmud’s statement that the laws of sota apply to mamzerim. That is, if there is reason to suspect that the wife has committed adultery, we erase God’s name and give her the infused water to drink in order to make peace between the husband and wife, even though any children they go on to have will be mamzerim (Sota 26a). The implication is that mamzerim do fulfill a mitzva when they have children.",
+ "Others say that it is preferable for a mamzer not to have children, so as to avoid increasing the number of mamzerim. Proof for this view lies in the suggestion of the Sages that a mamzer marry a slave woman in order to purify his offspring. In order to avoid passing on his mamzer status, he may marry a woman from a gentile nation who has been acquired by a Jew. After the birth of their children, he can arrange for their freedom. Their status will be that of freed slaves – Jewish and not mamzerim. This course of action is recommended even though he will not fulfill the mitzva of procreation, because the children born of this union are not considered of his halakhic lineage. We see that it is preferable for a mamzer not to fulfill the mitzva of procreation, so that he will not pass on the status of mamzer to his offspring."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Ten Years of Childlessness",
+ "The Sages assume that a husband and wife who have been married for ten years and have not had children will probably not have children together, so they declare that the husband must divorce his wife, pay her ketuba, and marry someone else in order to fulfill the mitzva. Even though divorce is terribly destructive – the Sages go so far as to say, “The altar sheds tears for someone who divorces his first wife” (Gittin 90b) – nevertheless the mitzva of procreation takes priority, for through it a person achieves continuity. Also, the short-term pain of divorce is generally less hurtful than the long-term pain of remaining childless.",
+ "True, when polygamy was practiced, the husband had the option of marrying a second wife without divorcing the first. This is what happened when Sarah was childless, as it says (Bereishit 16:3): “So Sarai, Avram’s wife, took her maid, Hagar the Egyptian – after Avram had dwelt in the land of Canaan ten years – and gave her to her husband Avram as a wife” (Yevamot 64a).",
+ "If a couple has one child, even if ten years pass and it is no longer possible that they will have an additional child and fulfill the Torah obligation of procreation, the husband is not obligated to divorce his wife. By having even one child, they fulfill the general mitzva for which the world was created (above, 5:3 and n. 2).",
+ "During the period in which a couple did not have children, if they were separated for an extended period of time or the husband or wife was sick, that time is not factored in the ten years. If the wife became pregnant but miscarried, the ten years are calculated from the time of the miscarriage (SA EH 154:10-12).",
+ "If a couple living outside of Eretz Yisrael moved to Eretz Yisrael, the ten years are counted from their arrival in Eretz Yisrael, because it is possible that in the merit of living in Eretz Yisrael they will conceive. Similarly, if a couple living in Eretz Yisrael left for a certain period of time, the time they spend abroad is not factored into the ten years (Rashi and Ramban on Bereishit 16:3; AHS 154:25).",
+ "If the husband believes that he is infertile, he is not obligated to divorce his wife. Nevertheless, if she wishes to get divorced in order to remarry and have children, he is obligated to grant her a divorce and pay her ketuba. However, if she wishes to stay with him, she may do so, since she does not have a personal obligation to procreate (Yevamot 64a; SA EH 154:6; above 5:3).",
+ "It is important to emphasize that the obligation of a husband to divorce his wife after ten years does not establish that she is infertile, but simply means the chances of their conceiving a child together are slim. It is certainly possible that she will be able to have children with a different husband. Therefore, a man who has not yet had children may marry her. If after ten years she has not conceived with her new husband, he too must divorce her. After that, a man who has not yet fulfilled the mitzva of procreation may not marry her. Since she has failed to conceive with two different men, it is likely that that she is infertile (Yevamot 64a; SA EH 154:16-17).",
+ "Everything we have said about a man being obligated to divorce his wife after ten years applies to a situation in which there is no clear medical diagnosis. However, if reliable doctors have concluded that there is no chance that the wife will conceive, then even though the couple has not yet been married for ten years, her husband may divorce her in order to fulfill the mitzva to procreate; and vice versa, if ten years have passed but reliable doctors believe that there is still a reasonable chance that the wife will conceive, her husband is not required to divorce her (see Responsa Maharashdam YD §91; Meshiv Davar 4:9; Ish U-veito 16:15, end of n. 1.)"
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Permission Not to Divorce",
+ "The Sages’ obligation for a man to divorce his wife after ten childless years can be very painful. Some men, including Torah scholars, despite their desire to fulfill the mitzva of procreation, found it very difficult to divorce their beloved wives, with whom they had entered into an eternal covenant. They sought ways to permit their marriages to continue. Indeed, there are several grounds that sometimes permit this.",
+ "The most straightforward grounds for permission are when the husband believes himself to be the cause of their childlessness, or that there is at least a reasonable chance that he is the cause – for example, if he is sickly, or if an accident may have rendered him infertile. Even in these cases, if his wife wants a divorce in order to have a child, he is required to divorce her.",
+ "When it is impossible to claim that the husband is infertile, other justifications are sometimes sought. Some assert that since halakha does not require a person to spend more than a fifth of his assets on the fulfillment of a positive commandment (Rema 656:1), if the ketuba payment is more than this he is not obligated to divorce her (see Bigdei Kehuna, EH §1.) However, it seems that poskim do not rely on this claim. Rather, they require the husband to divorce his wife and pay her ketuba, because the mitzva of procreation is so important that one must spend more than a fifth of his assets in order to fulfill it (Avnei Nezer EH 1:1). Moreover, the cap of one-fifth may apply only when an exorbitant price is being demanded for a mitzva. If the price demanded is the accepted price of the mitzva, one is obligated to pay it (see BHL 656, s.v “afilu”). Nonetheless, perhaps one can say that the obligation to divorce is the general rule, but if someone is especially attached to his wife, to the extent that the pain of divorce seems terrible, above and beyond the norm, and worse than losing most of his assets, he is not obligated to divorce his wife.",
+ "When the amount of the ketuba payment is more than the husband can afford, some say that he cannot divorce his wife (Rashba; Pri Ḥadash). Many others maintain that since the divorce is halakhically required, if the husband is unable to pay the entire amount of the ketuba he pays as much as he can, and the beit din sets up a payment plan for the remaining amount. The divorce, however, is not delayed (Responsa Radbaz 1:458; Get Mekushar 119:18; Yaskil Avdi, vol. 2, Kuntres Aḥaron, EH §1; Yabi’a Omer, EH 7:2:10).",
+ "Outside of Eretz Yisrael, some wish to rely on the few Rishonim who maintain that even after ten years there, it is unnecessary to get divorced.",
+ "In practice, in each and every case, all factors are considered, and usually, by combining two or more rationales, justification is found to keep them together.",
+ "Another claim that can be used to allow a childless couple to remain married is for the woman to refuse to accept a get. The man can then claim that Rabbeinu Gershom’s ban forbids him from divorcing her against her will. (Technically, if he insists on marrying another woman, he might be permitted to take a second wife; if he does not insist, he would simply remain married to the current wife.) However, this is be-di’avad because it is based on the wife’s refusal to uphold halakha."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Noaḥides",
+ "The mitzva of procreation is relevant even to Noaḥides (non-Jews), as God said to Noaḥ and his sons: “And you, be fruitful and multiply, abound on the earth and increase on it” (Bereishit 9:7). However, the specific obligations that require men to get married by the age of twenty (24 at the latest) and to have a son and a daughter (5:7-9 above) do not apply to Noaḥides (see Sanhedrin 59a).",
+ "If a Noaḥide had a son and a daughter and later converted to Judaism, he has fulfilled the mitzva of procreation, for even when he was a non-Jew, the mitzva was relevant to him (Yevamot 62a). There is a disagreement as to whether this is the case only if his children also converted, or if it is true even if they did not (5:4 above).",
+ "Since the mitzva for Noaḥides is a general one and is not an absolute obligation with specific parameters, a Noaḥide who has good reasons not to fulfill it – for example, if there is a reasonable concern that his children will be sick, or if there is a serious concern that he will not be able to educate his children to be decent people – he need not do so even le-khatḥila.",
+ "Some say that Noaḥides may not waste seed. We have seen (4:1) that this is one of the sins that was punished by the flood, as we read: The earth became corrupt before God; the earth was filled with lawlessness. When God saw how corrupt the earth was, for all flesh had corrupted its ways on earth, God said to Noah, “I have decided to put an end to all flesh, for the earth is filled with lawlessness because of them: I am about to destroy them with the earth.” (Bereishit 6:11-13) The Sages explain that the flood waters were as hot and thick as semen, for “with hot passion they sinned, and with hot water they were punished” (Sanhedrin 108b). The waters of the deep overflowed and drowned them (R. Ḥayim Palachi, Ḥayim Ve-shalom §16; Tzofnat Pa’ane’aḥ §30).",
+ "In contrast, some say that there is no prohibition for Noaḥides to masturbate and waste seed; since this prohibition hinges on the mitzva to procreate, which does not apply to Noaḥides, they are also not included in the prohibition to waste seed (based on Tosafot to Sanhedrin 59b, s.v. “ve-hu”; Igrot Moshe 4:116). It would seem, though, that even according to those who are lenient, such behavior is improper, for all desire should be directed toward increasing love within the framework of marriage."
+ ]
+ ],
+ [
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Castration",
+ "The purpose of creation is to increase life in the world, as the Torah says at the end of the creation story: “God blessed them and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and conquer it’” (Bereishit 1:28; similarly, ibid. 1:22, 8:17, 9:1, 7). As an extension of this, the Torah prohibits castrating any male, human or animal. It says regarding sacrificial offerings, “You shall not offer to the Lord anything [with its testes] bruised or crushed or torn or cut. You must not do this in your land” (Vayikra 22:24). The Sages understand “You must not do this” to be a prohibition on damaging the reproductive organs, and “in your land” to be an extension of the prohibition to any male, animal or human. The penalty for castrating is lashes. Although the Torah uses the words “in your land,” the Sages have a tradition that the prohibition applies outside Eretz Yisrael as well (Shabbat 110b; MT, Laws of Sexual Prohibitions 16:10).",
+ "The male reproductive system has three main components: the testicles (which produce sperm), the vas deferens or sperm ducts, and the penis. Severely damaging any one of them causes sterility and violates a Torah prohibition. Even “castrating” someone who has already been sterilized is a prohibition. Thus, if one man attacks another and crushes his testicles, rendering the victim sterile, and afterwards another person comes over and cuts off the victim’s testicles, a third performs a vasectomy, a fourth smashes his penis, and a fifth cuts it off, each one transgresses a Torah prohibition and is punished with lashes (Shabbat 111a; SA EH 5:11).",
+ "Even drinking a potion which induces sterility is prohibited (Shabbat 111a; SA EH 5:11). We can derive this from the next verse, “For they are mutilated (moshḥatam bahem), they have a defect” (Vayikra 22:25). In other words, destroying (hashḥata) a man’s ability to have children is prohibited. However, since this type of “castration” is indirect (as it does not directly damage reproductive organs), many say that it is prohibited only rabbinically. Others maintain that the prohibition is from the Torah but does not incur lashes since it does not directly damage the reproductive organs."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Prohibition of Marrying a Petzu’a Daka",
+ "A saris (a man who is sterile because any of the three parts of his reproductive system does not function) may not marry a Jewish woman, as it says, “No one whose testes are crushed (petzu’a daka) or whose penis is cut off (kerut shofkha) shall be admitted into the congregation of the Lord” (Devarim 23:2). A saris may marry a convert or a freed slave, because the Torah prohibits marrying “into the congregation of the Lord,” meaning women who were born Jewish (m. Yevamot 76a). Even a married man who becomes a saris must divorce his wife (Otzar Ha-poskim 5:2).",
+ "The marriage prohibition is limited to a person who became a saris due to human action, whether intentional or accidental (for example, as the result of a traffic accident). In contrast, someone whom God made infertile, who was born that way, may marry into the congregation. True, he will be unable to have children, and in most cases, he will not be able to have sexual relations with his wife. Nevertheless, if he finds a woman who agrees to marry him, they are considered a married couple in all respects.",
+ "The law that a saris cannot marry is a divine decree whose rationale we cannot fully understand. However, it does teach us the great importance of the mitzva of procreation, which is the primary purpose of marriage – since a saris cannot have children, he may not marry into the congregation (Moreh Nevukhim III:49; Bekhor Shor; Rabbeinu Beḥaye; Ḥizkuni). Additionally, as a rule, a saris cannot fulfill the mitzva of ona, and there is concern that his wife’s sexual frustration may lead her to commit adultery. To prevent this, the Torah does not permit him to marry a Jewish-born woman (Moreh Nevukhim III:49; Raavad on Laws of Sexual Prohibitions 15:2). Another possible rationale for this commandment is that it has helped Jews stay far away from the practice of castration. In the past, kings would regularly castrate men, whom they would then assign to be ministers, officials, and guards for women, as the kings did not have to worry about their loyalty. Some men would castrate themselves, or parents would castrate young children, in order to qualify them for these royal jobs. Even today, some people undergo vasectomies and the like so that they can have sex freely without worrying about the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. The Torah distances us from all of this by prohibiting castration. This explains why someone who is naturally sterile, whose condition is not the result of human injury or negligence, is not prohibited from marrying into the congregation (Sefer Ha-ḥinukh §559)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Parameters of the Prohibition",
+ "As we have learned, a saris rendered sterile by human intervention may not marry a Jewish-born woman, but may marry a convert or a freed slave (m. Yevamot 76a).",
+ "We have also seen that the prohibition does not apply to someone born sterile. If someone was rendered sterile as the result of illness, poskim disagree as to his status. According to Rosh, such a person may not marry a Jewish-born woman. Since humans play a role in the contraction of diseases, for example by eating unhealthy foods or by polluting the environment, such sterility is seen as being man-made. In contrast, according to Rambam and most Rishonim, a person who became sterile due to illness is considered to have been made sterile by God, and may thus marry into the community. The halakha follows this position (Yam Shel Shlomo; Mishkenot Yaakov; Birkei Yosef; Pitḥei Teshuva 5:7; Maharsham; AHS 5:18).",
+ "We learn an important principle from the law that a born saris may marry: Normally, the mitzva of ona is considered the foundation of marriage. Accordingly, if someone wishes to marry on condition that he is not obligated to fulfill the mitzva of ona, the marriage does not take effect (SA EH 38:5; above ch. 1, n. 2). Nevertheless, if due to circumstances beyond his control – for instance, he is a born saris – a man cannot have sexual relations with his wife, the marriage does take effect. We therefore see that it is possible for a couple to base a marriage on their emotional connection and their commitment to be good to one another.”",
+ "The prohibition is for a man who became a saris to marry a Jewish-born woman. However, a woman who underwent a procedure of sterilization (for example, a hysterectomy) is permitted to marry a Jewish-born man (Sefer Ha-ḥinukh §559; Otzar Ha-poskim 5:1:1). Nevertheless, a man who has not yet fulfilled the mitzva of procreation may not marry her, as doing so makes it impossible for him to fulfill his obligation to procreate (above 5:8)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Practical Questions",
+ "A man’s reproductive organs may be damaged several ways; to determine whether a particular injury renders him a petzu’a daka, the general rule is that if he can sire children, he is not a petzu’a daka, and he may marry a Jewish-born woman like any other Jewish man. This determination is left to reliable doctors. In the time of the Rishonim, many doctors believed that a man lacking one testicle could not have children. Based on this, most Rishonim ruled that such a man had the status of petzu’a daka. Rabbeinu Tam and several other Rishonim maintained that he can sire children (SA EH 5:7). Nowadays it is clear to doctors that such a man can father children, so clearly he is not considered a petzu’a daka.",
+ "Older men commonly experience swelling of the prostate gland, through which the vas deferens and the urethra pass. This makes it difficult to urinate. In some very serious cases, the prostate gland is severed to allow the excretion of urine. The problem is that severing the prostate prevents the flow of sperm through the penis during sexual relations. Instead, the sperm travels from the testicles into the bladder, and from there it is excreted together with the urine. Thus, even though his body produces viable sperm cells, the man cannot actually impregnate his wife, as he does not ejaculate sperm cells during sex. Some poskim claimed that since this person became sterile, practically speaking, as a result of human intervention, he may not marry a born Jew, and if he is already married, he must divorce his wife. ",
+ "In practice, however, there is general agreement that he is not considered a petzu’a daka. First, severing the prostate is a procedure performed as a result of an illness. As we saw in the previous section, according to most poskim such a person is viewed as having been made sterile by God. Additionally, the doctor performs the surgery to relieve his pain, not to sterilize him. Furthermore, he is not a petzu’a daka because, in fact, his sperm ducts remain intact. It is only due to a peripheral issue that the sperm are not ejaculated during sexual relations.",
+ "A more difficult case is that of a man who has his testicles removed to improve his chances of surviving prostate cancer (or another cancer), as the testes produce the hormones that accelerate malignant activity. Many maintain that even though technically his testicles are removed by a person, he is still considered to have been made sterile by God. As we saw above, Rambam (and most poskim) say that in a case where sterility is a consequence of illness, the man is considered to have been made sterile by God. Additionally, we might argue that even those who are stringent in that case (Rosh) would be lenient in our case; they might agree that it is only when the illness itself damages the reproductive organs that the man may not marry a born Jew, because he is considered to bear some responsibility for the illness. In contrast, if the illness does not damage the reproductive organs, but rather the doctors are forced to remove his testicles to save him from the illness, he may marry a Jewish-born woman (Ḥelkat Yo’av EH §3; R. Tzvi Pesaḥ Frank).",
+ "The same applies to someone who has cancer and undergoes radiation therapy that completely destroys his ability to produce sperm. Even though he cannot have children, since his sterility results from treatment of an illness, it is considered an act of God and he may marry a Jewish-born woman.",
+ "When any doubt arises in such matters, halakha follows those who are lenient, for the general principle is that under pressing circumstances we rely on lenient opinions. These cases definitely qualify, as if we were to rule stringently, the man would not be allowed to marry a Jewish-born woman, and if married, he would be required to divorce. Additionally, according to many poskim, the law of saris is like the law of mamzer; under Torah law, the marriage restrictions apply when it is certain that someone is indeed a mamzer, petzu’a daka, or krut shofkha, but when there is any uncertainty as to his status, the restrictions do not apply. Therefore, in any case of uncertainty, the halakha accords with those who are lenient."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Prohibition on Female Sterilization",
+ "The prohibition of sterilization applies to women as well as men, but sterilizing a woman is a rabbinic prohibition rather than a Torah one. The Torah prohibits male castration, as it says, “You shall not offer to the Lord anything [with its testes] bruised or crushed or torn or cut. You shall have no such practices in your land” (Vayikra 22:24). All these actions damage the male reproductive organs, which are external, and not the female reproductive organs, which are internal. Similarly, the prohibition of a saris to marry applies only to a man who has been sterilized, as the verse states, “No one whose testes are crushed or whose penis is cut off shall be admitted into the congregation of the Lord” (Devarim 23:2). Clearly, this refers to a man. In contrast, a woman who has been sterilized is allowed to marry freely. Nevertheless, from the standpoint of the mitzva of procreation, a man who has not yet fulfilled his obligation may not marry an infertile woman.",
+ "The rabbinic prohibition of female sterilization is limited to cases where this is done directly, either through physical trauma or surgery. However, indirect sterilization, such as by drinking an infertility potion, is permitted. Even this indirect sterilization, though, is permitted only when truly necessary to sterilize her, such as if she has extremely difficult labor, or if her children turned out poorly and she is afraid to bring more children into the world, and accepted methods of birth control are not viable options for her (above, 5:17-19). However, when there is no particular reason, infertility may not be caused even indirectly, as there is a general prohibition on wantonly destroying anything in God’s world (bal tashḥit; Devarim 20:19). Certainly, then, one may not destroy a woman’s ability to have children.",
+ "Permission for a woman to undergo sterilization is also contingent upon her husband’s consent, because in agreeing to marry him she committed to be his full partner in the mitzva of procreation (Ḥatam Sofer, EH §20; above 5:14; see also 5:6).",
+ "In recent years, the issue has arisen of sterilizing a woman by tubal ligation, a procedure, colloquially called “getting one’s tubes tied,” in which the fallopian tubes (through which the egg travels from the ovaries to the uterus, where it can be fertilized) are cut, tied, or blocked, preventing the eggs from reaching the uterus, making pregnancy impossible. The question is whether a woman who experiences difficult pregnancies and does not want any more children may ask her doctor to sterilize her via tubal ligation. Some say that tubal ligation is like drinking a sterility potion, since the sterilization is not visible externally (Si’aḥ Naḥum §100). Additionally, this type of sterilization is not irreversible; sometimes the tubes can be surgically repaired. Even if the reversal procedure does not work, it is still possible to extract an egg from the ovary and do IVF. Others say that since ligation is an act of sterilization performed on the reproductive organs themselves, it is rabbinically prohibited. Thus, as long as it is possible for a woman to take birth control pills or have an IUD inserted, tubal ligation is prohibited (Igrot Moshe EH 4:33-34 and 4:32:1). Today there is a procedure that blocks the fallopian tubes indirectly. This is permitted even according to the stringent opinion."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Daniel, Ḥananya, Mishael, and Azarya",
+ "A saris has a choice: he can sink into the pain and despair of knowing that he will not leave anyone to carry his name forward, or he can link his life to the eternally holy, thereby gaining an everlasting name, better than sons and daughters. As the prophet Yeshayahu says: Let not the eunuch say, “I am a withered tree.” For thus said the Lord: “As for the eunuchs who keep My Sabbaths, who have chosen what I desire and hold fast to My covenant – I will give them, in My House and within My walls, a monument and a name better than sons or daughters. I will give them an everlasting name which shall not perish.” (Yeshayahu 56:3-5)",
+ "As long as sin exists, so will death and disease. Once the world is cured of all its sins, it will also be cured of all its illnesses. Certain sins in particular may cause infertility; one of them is dishonoring the Jewish people and the Temple. Following the miraculous recovery of King Ḥizkiyahu, emissaries of the Babylonian king visited him. Instead of drawing them closer to faith, he was arrogant and fawning, showing off all of his personal treasures as well as those of the Temple. The prophet told him, “Some of your sons, your own issue whom you will have fathered, will be taken to serve as eunuchs in the palace of the king of Babylon” (Yeshayahu 39:1-7).",
+ "The Sages say that this harsh prophecy was fulfilled in the lives of Daniel, Ḥananya, Mishael, and Azarya, who were descendants of King Ḥizkiyahu. In childhood they were separated from their family and nation and taken to King Nebuchadnezzar’s palace to serve as attendants and advisors. In keeping with ancient practice, they were castrated (Sanhedrin 93b; Pirkei De-Rabbi Eliezer 51). By examining their character and deeds, we can learn about the life purpose of one decreed by fate to be a saris.",
+ "After Nebuchadnezzar brought these four youths to his city, he ordered that they be fed meat from his table and be taught the Chaldean language and culture, so that they would assimilate. However, they made great efforts to remain loyal to their faith. Since the meat was not kosher, they did not eat it; for years they survived on a variety of legumes. Had the king discovered their disobedience, they would have been put to death. But they were prepared to sacrifice their lives if it came down to it.",
+ "During their years of exile in the king’s palace, Nebuchadnezzar’s army destroyed the Temple and exiled the Jews to Babylonia. Nevertheless, Daniel and his friends, who by then were important officials, did not lose their faith. Eventually, Babylonia was defeated, and Medea became the ruling power. Darius, King of Medea, enacted a decree that required his subjects to pray exclusively to him. However, Daniel defied the decree and continued to pray to God. When he was caught, he was thrown into the lions’ den, but was miraculously saved by God (Daniel 6).",
+ "Although Daniel was a eunuch, he did not wallow in his grief. Rather, we are told that “Daniel, a beloved person, devoted himself to acts of kindness…. He helped brides prepare for their weddings and made them happy, accompanied the dead, gave charity to the poor, and prayed three times a day. His prayers were accepted with favor” (Avot De-Rabbi Natan 4:5).",
+ "Let us return to the time when Babylonia reigned. The Jewish nation was in crisis. An evil kingdom ruled the world. The Temple lay in ruins. The Jewish people were exiled from their land, and it seemed that there was no hope left for the Jewish faith. Consequently, many of the exiled Jews abandoned Torah and mitzvot, as they felt that within a generation or two, assimilation was inevitable. Nebuchadnezzar decided to erect a large golden idol to symbolize the power of his kingdom and his rule. He set a time for an impressive ceremony, during which all attendees would prostrate themselves before this idol. It seems that many Jews were among those who bowed down. Ḥananya, Mishael, and Azarya, who were senior officials in Nebuchadnezzar’s palace, could have justified bowing down by claiming that it was not an idol, merely a statue to glorify the king (Rabbeinu Tam in Tosafot, Pesaḥim 53b s.v. “ma”). However, because the statue looked like an idol, they decided it was better to be thrown into a fiery furnace rather than bow down to it publicly and desecrate God’s name. A great miracle occurred; they emerged from the furnace unscathed. God’s name was sanctified in front of everyone, Jews and non-Jews. (Daniel was not present at the time, as explained in Sanhedrin 93a.)",
+ "The Sages say that at that dark time, when the Jewish people abandoned their faith and heritage to prostrate themselves before the image, “God sought to transform the entire world into night…and blood…but He looked at Ḥananya, Mishael, and Azarya, and He was placated” (Sanhedrin 93a). In their merit, the Jewish people remembered their covenant with God, returned to their land, and rebuilt the Temple and the walls of Jerusalem.",
+ "Instead of giving up on life, Ḥananya, Mishael, and Azarya chose to identify with God’s wishes and laws, and as a result were able to accomplish great things. As the Sages said, “Make His will into your will, so that He will make your will into His. Subordinate your will to His so that He will subordinate the will of others to yours” (Avot 2:4). While they could not participate in the covenant of brit mila, so strongly connected with continuity, they embraced the divine covenant with the Jewish people, the Torah, and Eretz Yisrael. This enabled them to reveal the inner value of life when it is connected to its divine source. Thus, they are described as “those who hold fast to My covenant” (Yeshayahu 56:4).",
+ "From the lives and deeds of Daniel, Ḥananya, Mishael, and Azarya, we can learn that sometimes it is precisely the infertile who can use their faith to connect to the essence of life. For most people, the here and now is riddled with worry about family and children, but the infertile can focus on pure unconditional faith in God. This allows them to dedicate their lives to giving expression to the covenant between God and the Jewish people. This sustains the entire world and allows the Jews to return to their land and rebuild Jerusalem and the Temple. As it says, “I will give them, in My House and within My walls, a monument and a name better than sons or daughters. I will give them an everlasting name which shall not perish” (Yeshayahu 56:5)."
+ ]
+ ],
+ [
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Pain of Infertility and Its Causes",
+ "The suffering of the childless is intense. The Sages say, “A person who has no children is considered to be like the dead” (Nedarim 64b). They base this on the verse, “When Raḥel saw that she had borne Yaakov no children, she became envious of her sister; and Raḥel said to Yaakov, ‘Give me children, or I shall die’” (Bereishit 30:1). By making this statement, the Sages are trying to help people understand the depth of the anguish of the childless, so that they will pray for them (Tosafot ad loc.). Even couples who already have children but long to have more can become despondent, especially when they live in a community where large families are the norm.",
+ "The question is how we are to understand this suffering: As some kind of punishment for transgression, in which case a person must repent in order to merit having children? Or is one’s fate sealed even before he is born, in which he is blameless in his suffering?",
+ "The answer is extremely complex. Sometimes suffering stems from sin, sometimes from fate, and sometimes from a combination of both. Sometimes repentance and prayer help, and sometimes not. It depends on countless factors, as we will now explain.",
+ "The Sages say, “Life, children, and sustenance do not depend upon merit, but rather upon mazal” (Mo’ed Katan 28a). “Life” refers to length of life, “children” refers to the number of children, and “sustenance” refers to livelihood. These were all assumed to be determined by one’s fate at the moment of the person’s birth, and not by merit. The Talmud proves this from the fact that Rabbah and R. Ḥisda were both righteous people whose prayers were answered in a time of drought. Yet R. Ḥisda lived to be 92, while Rabbah died at forty. R. Ḥisda’s family celebrated sixty weddings, while Rabbah’s household endured sixty bereavements. R. Ḥisda’s household was so wealthy that even its dogs were fed high-quality wheat bread; Rabbah’s household was so poor that they sometimes did not even have low-quality barley bread on the table (ibid.). This accords with the Sages’ statement, “There is no reward for mitzvot in this world” (Kiddushin 39b). Reward for the mitzvot we fulfill and punishments for the sins we commit are not received in this fleeting world but rather in the eternal world of truth.",
+ "The term “mazal” used by the Talmud is what we would call “fate.” As we know today, a person’s genetic makeup is fixed at the moment of conception, and it is a major determinant of how tall, smart, or healthy one will be and what they will look like. The Sages’ statement that life, children, and sustenance are determined by fate at the moment of birth expresses a similar idea.",
+ "Yet this seems to be a matter of dispute among the Sages. According to R. Ḥanina, the Jewish people are subject to mazal, while according to R. Yoḥanan they are not (Shabbat 156a). However, the commentators explain that all agree that mazal has a strong influence, and all agree that the Jewish people, more than any other people, can sometimes change their mazal through prayer and good deeds. The disagreement lies in the question of whether it is common or rare for a Jew to change his mazal (see Tosafot on Shabbat ad loc.; Ritva and Ran on Mo’ed Katan 28a).",
+ "The idea is that every person has a specific destiny to fulfill in this world, and their mazal is determined accordingly. Sometimes one’s destiny requires him to be poor and wretched; other times, it may require him to be rich and healthy. Sometimes a person’s fate is set in stone and there is no escaping it (except in very rare cases). Other times, it is not absolute, and his actions will determine whether he suffers or flourishes. Sometimes, suffering purifies people and saves them from something even worse. In such cases, it is specifically the righteous who suffer. In any case, until the world reaches moral perfection, there will be human suffering, and the way people cope with their suffering can bring moral refinement to the world.",
+ "From a certain perspective, the pain of childlessness differs from other types of suffering. Since having children is a mitzva, righteous people make a greater effort to change their fate in this area, and sometimes the merit of the mitzva may help them alter fate. Even so, there have been righteous people who have been childless.",
+ "After this preface, we can now address the proper way to cope with the pain of childlessness."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Effort of Repentance, Torah, and Kindness",
+ "It is a mitzva for every couple that has difficulty fulfilling the mitzva of procreation to avail themselves of all conventional medical methods in order to have children. While doing so, they should have faith that everything is under God’s benevolent supervision, refining and purifying them, to increase their joy in this world and the next, and to give them the privilege of improving the world.",
+ "The Sages say that a person who is suffering should scrutinize his actions. Perhaps if he corrects his shortcomings, his suffering will end. If he scrutinizes his actions and does not find any particular sin, he should consider that perhaps he sinned by neglecting Torah study. If so, strengthening his Torah study may allow him to realize his destiny and be spared from suffering. If he determines that he has not neglected Torah study, it must be that his suffering is “suffering of love” (yisurim shel ahava), that is, suffering whose purpose is the betterment of all, the perfection and refinement of the world (Berakhot 5a).",
+ "In any event, even when suffering results from sin or neglect of Torah study, if a person can correct it, he not only betters himself, but benefits the whole world, for the world is judged based on the deeds of the majority of its inhabitants. “If a person performs one mitzva, he is praiseworthy, for he has tipped the scales toward merit for himself and for the entire world. But if he commits even one sin, woe to him, for he has tipped the scales toward guilt for himself and the whole world” (Kiddushin 40b).",
+ "The Sages say, “Great is repentance, for it rips up the sentence issued against a person” (Rosh Ha-shana 17b). Not only does repentance rectify the sin of the penitent himself, sometimes it can even rectify sins of previous generations. It may be that a person has been sentenced to be childless because of those sins, and by returning sincerely to God, immersing himself diligently in Torah study, and performing acts of kindness, he can cause the sentence to be torn up, and then he will have children.",
+ "We learn a similar lesson from Ḥofni and Pinḥas, the sons of the high priest Eli, who desecrated the name of heaven in the Tabernacle in Shilo. Because their father did not object strenuously enough to their behavior, he was told, “A time is coming when I will break your power and that of your father’s house, and there shall be no elder in your house” (1 Shmuel 2:31). Indeed, for the next few generations, all of Eli’s descendants died young. As time went on and they married into other families, the only descendants who were affected were those who were named after Eli or whose souls were connected to him. Even a thousand years later, there were still descendants of Eli who carried on his legacy, and the curse affected them. The Talmud says that Rabbah and Abaye were both descendants of Eli, and were expected to die very young. However, they followed the Sages’ instructions and repented sincerely. Rabbah studied Torah diligently and was privileged to live to the age of forty. Abaye engaged in Torah study and acts of kindness, and lived to be sixty. This accords with the homiletic interpretation of the verse, “Assuredly I swear concerning the house of Eli that the iniquity of the house of Eli will never be expiated by [animal] sacrifice or [meal] offering” (ibid., 3:14). The Sages explain: “An animal sacrifice or a meal offering will not atone for the sin, but Torah and kindness will” (Rosh Ha-shana 18a).",
+ "Similarly, our ancestors Avraham and Sarah gave birth to Yitzḥak in the merit of drawing people closer to Torah. Avraham reached out to the men and Sarah reached out to the women. They invited guests into their home and taught them about God, thus combining Torah study and acts of kindness. It was fitting, then, that they were entertaining guests when they received the news that they would have a child.",
+ "Moving to Israel – the land of life – and developing it can also help the childless to conceive and bring new life to the world (see Yevamot 64a)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Prayer of the Childless",
+ "Prayer is so powerful that it can rip up a decree of childlessness and break through whatever is blocking conception, as it is written: “Yitzḥak pleaded with the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was barren; and the Lord responded to his plea, and his wife Rivka conceived” (Bereishit 25:21). The Sages say that Yitzḥak and Rivka recited many prayers and had the same goal in mind. The phrase translated above, “on behalf of his wife,” is “le-nokhaḥ ishto,” which can also be translated as “facing his wife.” These words teach us that: Yitzḥak prostrated himself in one corner and Rivka prostrated herself in another. He said, “Master of the universe, may all the children You give me come from this righteous woman.” She made the same request: “May all the children You give me come from this righteous man.” (Bereishit Rabba 63:5)",
+ "Yitzḥak said, “Why were the patriarchs and matriarchs infertile? Because God craves the prayers of the righteous” (Yevamot 64a). This must be elucidated: The prayers of the righteous help open the gates of blessing for the entire world. Were the righteous to enjoy the good life they deserve, they would not pray for the rest of the world, which would be left to suffer. Since God wants the best for the world, He craves the prayers of the righteous, which connect the world to its source, thus changing reality for the better. The gates of heaven open, raining down blessing on the whole world. As a result, everyone dealing with the same type of difficulty as the righteous is delivered along with them.",
+ "Similarly, the Sages say, “When Sarah conceived, many barren women conceived as well. Many deaf people started hearing, many blind people started seeing, and many of the insane became sane” (Bereishit Rabba 53:8). This explains Sarah’s statement, “God has brought me laughter; everyone who hears will laugh with me” (Bereishit 21:6). For, to a certain extent, all were healed with her.",
+ "There are times when it is a person’s destiny to bring a brand new soul into this world, a soul whose mission is to move the world forward. Since this soul is so new that it has never entered the world, it faces many obstacles. The angels in heaven object that the world is not worthy of advancing to another level. Therefore, the people who are meant to give birth to these souls suffer from infertility. Through their process of purification via repentance and prayer, they open the gates of heaven and are privileged to give birth to new souls.”"
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Ḥanna’s Prayer",
+ "Ḥanna, who was barren, suffered so much that on the holidays she could not bring herself to rejoice before God in the Mishkan at Shilo. While her family ate the meat of the sacrificial offerings and rejoiced, she withdrew and cried. “Her husband Elkana said to her, ‘Ḥanna, why are you crying and why aren’t you eating? Why are you so sad? Am I not more devoted to you than ten sons?’” In response, Ḥanna joined the feast. After they had eaten and drunk at Shilo, Ḥanna rose. The priest Eli was sitting on the seat near the doorpost of the sanctuary of the Lord. In her wretchedness, she prayed to the Lord, weeping all the while. And she made this vow: “O Lord of Hosts, if You will look upon the suffering of Your maidservant, and will remember me and not forget Your maidservant, and if You will grant Your maidservant a male child, I will dedicate him to the Lord for all the days of his life; and no razor shall ever touch his head.” (1 Shmuel 1:8-11) From the depths of her bitter pain she was able to offer a heartfelt prayer. This opened the gates of heaven and enabled the birth of the soul of Shmuel, the greatest prophet of Israel after Moshe Rabbeinu.",
+ "The Sages say (Berakhot 31b): From the day that God created His world, no one referred to God by the name Lord of Hosts (Tzeva’ot) until Ḥanna did. She said before Him, “God, Master of the universe, out of all the many hosts that You have created in Your world, is it difficult for You to grant me one son?!” Appropriately, the name that Ḥanna introduced in her prayer was actualized by her son, the prophet Shmuel. He was the one who had the privilege of revealing holiness to the masses (tzeva’ot) of Israel in its land, as well as establishing generations of prophets, founding Israel’s monarchy, and planning the building of the Temple.",
+ "There is another powerful description of Ḥanna’s prayer: As she kept on praying before the Lord, Eli watched her mouth. Now Ḥanna was praying in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice could not be heard. So Eli thought she was drunk. Eli said to her, “How long will you make a drunken spectacle of yourself? Sober up!” (1 Shmuel 1:12-14) In other words, Ḥanna’s prayer was so extraordinary and innovative that even the high priest Eli initially thought that she was drunk. Ḥanna replied, “Oh no, my lord! I am a very unhappy woman. I have drunk no wine or other strong drink, but I have been pouring out my heart to the Lord. Do not take your maidservant for a worthless woman; I have only been speaking all this time out of my great anguish and distress.” “Then go in peace,” said Eli, “and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of Him.” (ibid., 15-17)",
+ "Not only did Ḥanna’s prayer lead to the birth of the prophet Shmuel, but the Sages derive several laws from her prayer: supplicants must pray with intent, must form the words with their lips, and must not raise their voices (Berakhot 31a). From the depths of her pain of childlessness, Ḥanna revealed new laws and uncovered new understandings of prayer. This is an example of how the pain and distress of infertility can bring blessing to the world."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Comfort for the Infertile",
+ "Sometimes all the prayers, repentance, intense Torah learning, and kind acts do not solve the problem of infertility. Months pass, years go by, and the couple does not conceive. It may be that their fate is sealed and cannot be changed, because the soul which they would conceive belongs to a more perfect world whose time has not yet come. Perhaps if they would manage to change their fate, their child would be profoundly evil, because he would be incompatible with his time period. Thus, God is being kind to them by sparing them the birth of a child who would cause them great pain and send them to the grave in misery. Along these lines, the Sages state that after the destruction of the Temple and the exile of the Jewish people, the dignitaries of the other nations mocked them and said that they were infertile and could not have children in Eretz Yisrael. The Jews retorted, “When evil rules the land, it is better to be barren rather than give birth to evil children who will end up in hell, like you” (Berakhot 10a). This explains the verse, “Rejoice, O barren one, you who bore no child! Shout aloud for joy, you who did not travail! For the children of the wife forlorn shall outnumber those of the espoused, said the Lord” (Yeshayahu 54:1).",
+ "Some writers go so far as to say that the infertile should be careful not to pray excessively. Instead, they should say that if their having children is not what God wants, then they retract their request, because sometimes heaven knows that were this couple to have children, they would be evil or undergo terrible suffering. To minimize the couple’s pain, heaven does not grant them children (Shevet Musar 24:19).",
+ "Even so, the infertile should know that all the prayers that they recite, the good deeds that they do, and the Torah that they study are not going to waste. Even if they do not produce the hoped-for result, they may help other childless couples conceive. In any case, these practices certainly improve the world and bring it closer to the day when those children’s souls can be born."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Value of Their Love and Joy",
+ "A couple that has not been blessed with children face a great challenge. Will they wallow in their pain, and lose their faith and joie de vivre? Or will they overcome their pain, increase their love for each other, fulfill the mitzva of ona with extra joy, and constantly think about how to bring goodness and joy into the lives of their families and friends? Though they have not been blessed with children, there is great intrinsic value in their intimacy.",
+ "The Sages ask why our matriarchs were barren. One of the Sages answers, “So that they would endear themselves to their husbands through their beauty.” Another explains, “So that their husbands take pleasure in them, for when a woman is pregnant, she loses her looks and is neglected by her husband.” During the ninety years that Sarah did not give birth, Avraham treated her like a bride under the wedding canopy, and all the women inquired about her (Bereishit Rabba 45:4). Thus, from one perspective, childless couples can increase and intensify the love, passion, and joy they share.",
+ "That is the meaning behind the kabbalistic statement that each time a husband and wife unite sexually in love and passion, an abundance of life and blessing is added to this world. As Shlah states: Each and every act of intercourse, when undertaken in sanctity, will have a positive impact. Even if the wife does not conceive…[the husband] is not wasting seed; rather, a holy soul comes into existence as a result…. For a soul comes into being with every act of intercourse, and the offspring of others are then endowed with these souls…. This is why Avraham could sleep with Sarah even though she was barren. It was not, God forbid, a waste. (Sha’ar Ha-otiyot, Kedushat Ha-zivug §402) Shlah goes on to cite Zohar, which explains that the perfect love and devotion that infused the intimate relations of these two righteous people, Avraham and Sarah, led to the creation of souls in the supernal realms, which then descended to this world, and with which children of various families were endowed. When those children grew up, they were drawn to Avraham and Sarah, who brought them close to God. These are the souls referred to in the verse (Bereishit 12:5), “The souls they created in Ḥaran” (Zohar III 168a). Thus, when husband and wife overcome their sadness and unite with devotion and passion, they become partners in drawing down souls into the world and create sparks of souls through their sexual union.",
+ "Furthermore, when a childless couple manages, despite their pain and suffering, to strengthen their faith, deepen their love for each other, and bring one another pleasure through the mitzva of ona, they add life and blessing to the entire world. There is a special purity in their love, which is unconditional and does not depend on the children they share. Their loving unity gives expression to divine unity, revealing it in this world. Although they cannot have children, they can reveal the intrinsic value of life, thus adding vitality and continued existence to all the worlds. As Arizal explains, there are two kinds of sexual intercourse – one serves the purpose of creating souls, while the other sustains worlds and keeps them alive (Sha’ar Ha-Mitzvot, Bereishit, p. 7). It is true that even couples who have children may experience the second type of intercourse, for example when the wife is pregnant, nursing, or menopausal. However, since this is the only type of union a childless couple have, it has a greater influence on the world. All this is assuming that the love and happiness they share indeed enable them to break through the barriers of sadness and have a positive view of the world; to rejoice in the joy of relatives and friends, contribute to the world, and be kind to others as best they can."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Adoption",
+ "The Sages say, “One who raises an orphaned boy or girl in his home is considered by the Torah as if he gave birth to them” (Megilla 13a). This refers not only to an orphan who has lost both parents, but also to a child whose parents are unable to meet all his basic physical and emotional needs, as the source for this assertion is a midrash that extrapolates that Moshe Rabbeinu is referred to as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter Bitya even though his biological mother, Yocheved, was alive and nursed him. Since Bitya raised him, he is regarded as her son as well.",
+ "The Sages also say (Ketubot 50a) that one who raises an orphaned child and marries him off is considered by the Torah as one of those “who do righteous deeds at all times” (Tehilim 106:3). According to the Midrash, God has treasure houses full of rewards for the righteous. Among them is a special warehouse with rewards for those who take in orphans and raise them (Shemot Rabba 45:6).",
+ "Some even maintain that a couple who raises an orphan actually fulfills the mitzva of procreation. This approach takes literally the Sages’ statement, “He is considered by the Torah as if he gave birth to them” (see Ḥokhmat Shlomo, EH 1:1). Even according to the poskim who maintain that the equation is not literal, from a certain perspective, this couple performs an even greater mitzva because they act voluntarily.",
+ "Similarly, we find that even though adopted children are not technically obligated in the mitzva of honoring parents vis-à-vis their adoptive parents, Torah ethics obligate them in everything that is incumbent upon biological children. Perhaps they must do even more, since their parents adopted them voluntarily. Similarly, it is a mitzva for adopted children to mourn for their adoptive parents and recite Kaddish for them. The only difference between an adopted child and a biological one is that the latter may not perform a medical procedure on a parent if it would cause bleeding, while the former may (Peninei Halakha: Collected Essays – Mishpaḥa 1:24-25).",
+ "Someone who would find it difficult to raise or help raise an orphan can donate money to help abandoned children, provide for their needs, and get them on their feet. In doing so he is a partner in raising them, and from a certain perspective it is as if he has given birth to them. The more significant the help he gives, the truer this is.",
+ "People who help parents care for and educate their children are also considered parents on some level, as it says (Ruth 4:17), “The women neighbors gave him a name, saying, ‘A son is born to Naomi!’ They named him Oved; he was the father of Yishai, father of David.” The Sages explain that the reason that Oved, son of Ruth and Boaz, is also called Naomi’s son is because she was involved in caring for and educating him (Sanhedrin 19b)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Teaching Students",
+ "The Sages say, “One who teaches Torah to someone else’s child is considered by the Torah as if he gave birth to him.” Whereas Aharon gave birth to his sons, Moshe Rabbeinu taught them Torah, so they are called his sons as well (Sanhedrin 19b).",
+ "Similarly, it is written in Shema, “Teach them to your children” (Devarim 6:7). The Sages interpret: “Your children” – refers to your students. We find that students are referred to as children in many other places as well, as it says, “Then the sons of the prophets at Beit El came out to Elisha” (2 Melakhim 2:3). Were they the prophets’ children? Rather, they were their students. We derive from this that students are called children…. Just as students are called children, so too teachers are called parents. Thus, we read (ibid., 2:12), “Elisha saw and cried out: ‘Father, father! Israel’s chariots and horsemen!’ Then he did not see him again.” (Sifrei)",
+ "This notion has halakhic significance as well. If someone finds two lost objects, one belonging to his father and the other to his teacher, and he is unable to return them both, his teacher’s lost object takes precedence, “because his father brought him into this world, while his teacher, by teaching him Torah, brings him into the next world.” However, if his father is also a Torah scholar, then his father’s lost object takes precedence (Bava Metzi’a 33a).",
+ "According to Zohar (I 187b), in the verses we saw above (7:6), the prophet Yeshayahu addresses those who are not privileged to have children: For thus said the Lord: “As for the eunuchs who keep My Sabbaths, who have chosen what I desire and hold fast to My covenant – I will give them, in My House and within My walls, a monument and a name better than sons or daughters. I will give them an everlasting name which shall not perish.” (Yeshayahu 56:4-5) A story is told about how R. Yoḥanan was distraught after all of his children died young and he had not fulfilled the mitzva of procreating. Then an elder comforted him by saying that his students were considered his children, and in their merit he would have a place in the next world and an everlasting name (Zohar Ḥadash, Ruth, 108b).",
+ "Those who support Torah students are also considered their teachers, for without them, the students would be unable to learn.",
+ "According to Sefer Ḥasidim (§367), sometimes God does not want to deplete a person’s heavenly account. Therefore, he does not get to enjoy both Torah and children in this world. It is because he is not blessed with children that he can be blessed with Torah, which will give him an everlasting name."
+ ]
+ ],
+ [
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Intermediate Status of the Fetus",
+ "One of the most difficult questions in Jewish law is: under what circumstances is terminating a pregnancy justified? Let us first review the basics.",
+ "On one hand, it is clear that one may not kill a fetus, whether directly or indirectly. Not only that, we desecrate Shabbat in order to save a fetus, even within forty days of conception, because this fetus will one day be a living human, and the Sages say, “Desecrate one Shabbat on his behalf, so that he can observe many [future] Shabbatot” (Yoma 85b). Since the fetus will be a living person in the future, the same logic applies to saving it (Behag; Rambam; Peninei Halakha: Shabbat 27:3).",
+ "On the other hand, it is clear that as long as the fetus is in its mother’s womb, it does not have the status of a living human being. Therefore, even though someone who kills another person is liable for the death penalty, someone who kills a fetus is not. Additionally, since a fetus is not yet considered human life, it does not inherit like one who was already born, and it does not become ritually impure if its mother comes into contact with a corpse. A fetus becomes a bona fide human being only at the moment of birth (Nidda 44a-b).",
+ "Thus, an unborn fetus has an intermediate status – it will become a person, but is not a person yet.",
+ "We further learn that when there is a conflict between the life of the fetus and the life of the mother, the mother’s life takes precedence. As the Mishna states, “If a woman is suffering from a difficult labor, we cut up the fetus inside her and remove it limb by limb, because her life takes precedence over its life” (m. Ohalot 7:6). Even if the fetus will be born any moment, it may be killed in order to save its mother’s life. However, from the moment of birth, that is, from the moment its head or most of its body emerges, he is considered a living human being. Even if the mother’s life is clearly in danger, it is forbidden to kill the baby in order to save her, because “one life does not supersede another” (ibid.). We do not kill one person in order to save another."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Jews",
+ "Although abortion is prohibited for both Jews and Noaḥides (i.e., non-Jews, who are obligated in the seven Noaḥide laws), there is a difference when it comes to punishment. A Jew who kills a fetus is not punished by a beit din for doing so, while a gentile who kills a fetus is liable for the death penalty.",
+ "As is well known, non-Jews are obligated in seven mitzvot. A non-Jew who transgresses any of them incurs the death penalty. One of these seven is the prohibition against murder, as Noaḥ was told, upon exiting the ark: “Whoever sheds the blood of a person (ha-adam), by a person (ba-adam) shall his blood be shed, for God made people in His image” (Bereishit 9:6). R. Yishmael extrapolates that even a person who kills a fetus incurs the death penalty, as the verse can be read homiletically: “Whoever sheds the blood of a person (ha-adam) in a person (ba-adam) – his blood shall be shed.” Who is a person in a person? A fetus (Sanhedrin 57b; MT, Laws of Kings 9:4).",
+ "In contrast, a Jew who kills a fetus does not incur the death penalty. When the Torah later explains that a murderer is put to death, it does not hint that a fetus-killer would be included in this category. Nevertheless, it is clear that a Jew may not kill a fetus, as there is a general principle that anything forbidden to non-Jews is forbidden to Jews as well. The purpose of the Torah is to sanctify the Jewish people and to demand much of them when it comes to mitzvot, so it is inconceivable that something forbidden to non-Jews would be permissible for Jews (Sanhedrin 59a). Thus, once we know that a non-Jews may not kill a fetus, it follows that Jews may not, either. The only distinction is in the severity of the punishment: a non-Jew is put to death for killing a fetus, while a Jew is not.",
+ "It is important to know that according to halakha, even when a beit din had the authority to apply capital punishment, only very rarely was a Torah-mandated execution carried out. It was so rare that a Sanhedrin which executed one person in seven years was labeled “destructive.” According to R. Elazar b. Azarya, even if it executed only one person in seventy years, it was considered a destructive Sanhedrin (m. Makkot 1:10). Although there are dozens of sins for which the Torah mandates capital punishment, in practice the beit din did not kill a single person in seven (or seventy) years. Thus, we see that the death penalty prescribed by the Torah, whether for Jews or non-Jews, was intended mainly as a deterrent and to express the severity of the sin and its punishment in this world and the next. It was not meant to lead to frequent executions.",
+ "In theory, then, in the matter of abortion, the Torah was more stringent for non-Jews than for Jews. This may many gentile nations tend to devalue human life, to the extent that some are suspected of bloodshed (m. Avoda Zara 2:1). In order to make it clear that their attitude is completely wrong, the Torah makes abortion a capital crime for them. Nevertheless, it would seem that when it comes to abortion necessitated by severe illness, the law for Jews and non-Jews is the same; in any situation where Jews may terminate a pregnancy, non-Jews may, too."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Abortion for a Great Need",
+ "As we have seen, if a pregnancy endangers the mother’s life, she may abort (m. Ohalot 7:6). There are other scenarios in which the permissibility of an abortion is less clear, for example, in a case where the mother’s life is not at risk but carrying to term might lead her to go blind or deaf, or if prenatal testing shows that the fetus is ill and will live a life full of suffering. These questions have arisen in our era, now that medicine can tell us a great deal about the fetus.",
+ "This question is a matter of dispute among leading poskim. Those who are stringent maintain that the prohibition against abortion is an offshoot of the prohibition against murder. Although we have seen that a fetus is not yet considered a living human being, it is nevertheless developing into one and can already be considered alive to an extent. Therefore, one who destroys a fetus transgresses an offshoot of the prohibition against murder. Just as it is prohibited to perform euthanasia, so it is forbidden to perform an abortion. Only in a case where the pregnancy endangers the life of the mother is it permissible to destroy a fetus (R. Unterman, No’am 6). R. Moshe Feinstein goes so far as to say that since aborting a fetus is considered like murder, only when it is almost certain that the fetus will cause its mother’s death is abortion permitted in order to save her (Igrot Moshe, ḤM 2:69).",
+ "In contrast, many poskim maintain that the prohibition against abortion is not an offshoot of murder. Some say that abortion is forbidden because of ḥavala (the prohibition to cause bodily harm); just as it is forbidden for a person to cut off one of his limbs, so too it is forbidden to kill a fetus, which is a limb of its mother (Responsa Maharit 1:97; Amud Ha-yemini §32). Others say that abortion is forbidden because of hashḥata (wanton destruction), based on a fortiori reasoning: if it is a grave sin even to waste seed (hashḥatat zera), clearly it is forbidden to kill a fetus that has already begun to develop (Ḥavot Ya’ir §31). Others offer a conceptually similar rationale: we are commanded to be fruitful and multiply, so abortion is prohibited on the grounds that it prevents such growth and procreation (Mishpetei Uziel, ḤM 4:46). According to all of these opinions, since abortion does not constitute a form of murder – one of the most severe prohibitions – it is permissible to perform an abortion in very difficult circumstances, just as it is permissible to amputate a limb in order to preserve a patient’s overall health (Tzitz Eliezer 9:51:3:3).",
+ "Even though it emerges from the discussions in the Talmud, Rishonim, and Aḥaronim that the prohibition of abortion is not as severe as an offshoot of murder, many poskim nevertheless rule strictly: some because of the great value of life that exists in potential within the fetus, and others because they do not rely on the opinions of doctors. Practically speaking, even though there is a tendency to rule restrictively in cases of uncertainty vis-à-vis such weighty issues, in this case it is proper to rule leniently, because forbidding abortion in such cases can cause terrible suffering, both to the parents and to the unborn child. Families sometimes break apart under such strain. Therefore, under such extremely pressing circumstances, we can rely on the lenient opinions, as their position is better grounded in the sources. This is the inclination of my teachers, the heads of Yeshivat Merkaz Ha-Rav. Still, every such case must be carefully considered by a Torah scholar who understands the halakhic issue and has obtained the expert opinion of a God-fearing doctor."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The First Forty Days and the Subsequent Stages of Pregnancy",
+ "The earlier the stage of the fetus’s gestational development, the more room there is for leniency in allowing an abortion. Conversely, the more developed the fetus is, the higher the degree of life it exhibits, and even the most lenient opinions would permit abortion only in more drastic cases.",
+ "Until forty days have passed since conception, the fetus’s organs have not yet begun to form, and it does not yet even have the status of a fetus. Consequently, if a woman aborts or miscarries her fetus within the first forty days, if she subsequently bears a son, he has the status of “firstborn,” as the earlier fetus is considered “mere water” (Yevamot 69b). Based on this, even some of those who adopt the stringent view permit abortion during the first forty days in a case of great need.",
+ "From day 41, since the fetus’s organs have begun to take shape, those who adopt the restrictive approach maintain that abortion may be performed only if the mother’s life may be in danger. Nevertheless, some of those who adopt the restrictive approach maintain that since the woman’s pregnancy is not considered discernible until three months have passed, in cases of great need, abortion can be permitted (several Aḥaronim cited by Yabi’a Omer, EH 4:1).",
+ "In contrast, according to those who take the permissive approach, since abortion is not prohibited as a form of murder, it is permitted even after the end of the first trimester in cases of great need. However, the more developed the fetus is, the more compelling a reason is required to permit aborting it. Therefore, couples are encouraged to perform any necessary testing as early as possible, so that if an abortion is necessary it can be done as soon as possible (Tzitz Eliezer 9:51:3; Amud Ha-yemini §32).",
+ "Once a fetus is viable, that is, that it could survive on its own if it were born, it is almost impossible to permit abortion, even according to those who take the permissive approach. However, if it is clear that the fetus would not live for more than thirty days even if it were born naturally, then in certain cases some of those who rule permissively would permit abortion.",
+ "When pregnancy jeopardizes the mother’s life, all poskim permit abortion; even if labor has already begun, we kill the fetus to save the mother; but once the baby’s head or most of its body has emerged, we do not hurt it, for it is considered a human being, and we do not kill one person to save another (Ohalot 7:6)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Sachs",
+ "Tay-Sachs is an incurable genetic disorder caused by the lack of the vital enzyme hexosaminidase-A (Hex-A). Those born with the disease begin to lag in their physical and intellectual development starting at about six months old. This is followed by blindness and paralysis, then death, generally by the age of four. Nowadays, testing can determine with certainty whether a fetus has Tay-Sachs. If it does, the question arises: is it permissible to abort?",
+ "According to those who adopt the restrictive approach, the prohibition of abortion is an offshoot of the prohibition of murder, and just as it is forbidden to kill a sick person, so too it is forbidden to kill a sick fetus. Thus, it is forbidden to abort a Tay-Sachs fetus (R. Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe, ḤM 2:69). R. Auerbach and R. Elyashiv rule this way as well; however, if the mother’s knowledge that she will give birth to such a sick baby leads to such a terrible emotional state that there is concern for her mental health, even these poskim permitted abortion, because mental illness can be life-threatening, and the mother’s life takes precedence over that of the fetus (Nishmat Avraham, ḤM 425, n. 18). (R. Feinstein does not permit an abortion even then; according to him, abortion is permitted only when it is almost certain that the mother will die.)",
+ "In contrast, according to those who adopt the permissive approach, abortion is allowed even when there is no concern that the mother of the Tay-Sachs fetus will become mentally ill, for they do not view abortion as murder, but as ḥavala or hashḥata. If so, it is preferable to prevent the fetus from the terrible suffering that would be its lot; it is better for this fetus not to be born at all. It is also best to spare the mother the terrible anguish of seeing her child suffer, without being able to do anything to help (Amud Ha-yemini §32). Obviously, it is best to perform the abortion as early as possible. However, be-di’avad, R. Waldenberg permits performing this abortion until the seventh month (Tzitz Eliezer 13:102).",
+ "As we saw (section 3 above), in practice one may rely upon those who rule permissively in cases of great necessity."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / A Down Syndrome Fetus",
+ "People with Down syndrome have an extra chromosome, which leads to intellectual and physical disabilities of varying severity. They have distinctive builds and facial features, and are at increased risk for certain illnesses and defects, including heart defects and duodenal atresia, infection, and leukemia. Nevertheless, due to advances in medical care, their life expectancy has increased in recent years, and they can live to age fifty and beyond. Their intellectual disabilities generally mean that they cannot live independently, but rather require assistance and support, like young children. Recently, educational methods have been developed which improve their abilities to learn and to function. Some are even able to get married and live in their own homes. (Men with Down syndrome are almost always sterile.) However, even in the best of circumstances, people with Down syndrome require the level of care and support afforded to older children. The question is: is it permissible to terminate a pregnancy when the fetus has Down syndrome?",
+ "Those who adopt the restrictive approach maintain that just as one may not take the life of a child with Down syndrome, so too one may not destroy a fetus with Down syndrome. True, someone who kills a child commits a capital crime, while someone one who kills a fetus does not. Nevertheless, since these poskim view the prohibition against killing a fetus as an offshoot of murder, a woman carrying a Down syndrome fetus may not abort.",
+ "Even though R. Shlomo Goren permits aborting a fetus with Tay-Sachs, because the child would suffer and die within a few years, he does not permit the abortion of a fetus with Down syndrome. Only when there is a concern that the birth will disrupt the family’s equilibrium and endanger the mental health of one of the parents would an abortion be permitted (Torat Ha-refu’a, p. 192).",
+ "Those who adopt the more permissive approach maintain that if it would be difficult for the parents to cope with the hardships involved in raising a child with Down syndrome, and it would cause them great pain, an abortion is permitted. This is because these poskim maintain that abortion is prohibited as a form of ḥavala or hashḥata, so to prevent great suffering on the part of the child and its parents, they would permit an abortion (Tzitz Eliezer 9:51:3; 13:102:6; 14:101-102; Amud Ha-yemini §32). As we said in section 3, under pressing circumstances one may rely on the permissive opinion. However, here we are talking about a problem which does not always justify an abortion. There are families which, despite the tremendous difficulties involved, successfully meet the challenge of raising a child with Down syndrome, and sometimes even grow as a result. Therefore, greater discretion must be exercised, taking into consideration the state of this family, and an outstanding Torah scholar must be consulted."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Concern About Defects in the Fetus",
+ "Thus far we have discussed cases in which a fetus clearly suffers from a specific condition. However, sometimes all that we can know is that a fetus is at risk of being ill. For example, if the mother contracted German measles in the first month of her pregnancy, there is a fifty percent chance that the child will be born with birth defects. Additionally, sometimes an ultrasound raises a concern that a fetus might have very serious problems, but also may be perfectly healthy.",
+ "According to those who take the restrictive view, when we know for sure that the fetus is very sick – and certainly when we are not sure – abortion is still prohibited.",
+ "According to those who espouse the permissive approach, since abortion is prohibited as a form of ḥavala or hashḥata, not murder, it is permitted when there is a great need. Therefore, even in an uncertain case, if there is reasonable concern that the fetus has a serious condition that would condemn it to a life full of suffering, abortion is permitted (Amud Ha-yemini §32).",
+ "This is relevant when there is no possibility of reaching a clear conclusion regarding the condition of the fetus. But usually, if the parents wait until week twenty and reevaluate the fetus’s condition, the doctors will know much more. Therefore, abortion is forbidden before that point. For example, if the mother contracts CMV (Cytomegalovirus) in her first trimester, the odds are about forty percent that the fetus will contract the virus as well. If the fetus does contract the virus, the odds are about ten percent that it will suffer abnormalities serious enough to warrant abortion according to the permissive approach. Therefore, one must wait until the twentieth week of pregnancy. If it becomes clear that the fetus suffers from serious abnormalities, termination of the pregnancy would be permissible according to the permissive approach (as explained in section 4 and n. 7). As we saw in section 3, in pressing circumstances one may rely on the permissive view, as it is better grounded in the Talmud and halakhic literature."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Credibility of Doctors and Consultation with Rabbis",
+ "For all questions regarding abortion, it is imperative to seek the opinion of an honest doctor who relates with reverence to the potential life of a fetus, and then to consult a rabbi who has expertise in these issues. Unfortunately, in many cases, doctors have been negligent in their care, conducted irresponsible tests, and condemned perfectly healthy fetuses to death. Sometimes this happens when test results are inconclusive, yet the doctors rush to instruct the parents to abort instead of repeating the test. Other times, a problem is discovered in the third month of the pregnancy whose specific nature cannot be determined until the fifth month (as in the case of CMV). However, because doctors make light of the serious issue of abortion, they recommend abortion in the third month instead of waiting for more accurate tests to become feasible.",
+ "I was told about a woman who got pregnant for the first time after years of waiting. After a gynecological exam, she was told that her fetus had died, and she was sent for a D&C. I need not describe her devastation. Luckily for her, while she was tearfully awaiting the procedure, a doctor passed by whom she knew from her previous treatments. Upon hearing her painful story, he suggested repeating the exam. His examination showed that the fetus was alive. She had the privilege of giving birth, and then raising a beautiful daughter.",
+ "As a result of such cases, some poskim rule that one may not rely on the opinion of a non-religious doctor in these matters, lest he declare that a fetus has grave defects and encourage abortion without justification (such as where an abnormality or illness is uncertain, or where it is certain but tolerable). If no God-fearing doctor is available, the couple should have two doctors independently evaluate the fetus’s condition. If both determine that something is seriously wrong, then the couple should consult with a rabbi to determine whether an abortion is justified (R. Ovadia Yosef, Assia 1, p. 92).",
+ "In practice, even though a God-fearing doctor and a hospital that follows Jewish law are preferred, one may rely on a non-religious doctor on two conditions: that the doctor relates to the fetus’s life with the utmost seriousness, and that in any case of uncertainty he will reexamine and reevaluate the situation until he arrives at the most informed conclusion possible. If it is necessary to wait several weeks for better information, he must wait rather than make a premature pronouncement.",
+ "Although we learned (section 3) that halakha follows the permissive view, a couple must not rely solely on medical test results. Rather, they must consult a rabbi with expertise in these areas. First, so that the rabbi can verify with a doctor he trusts that the medical opinion they received is reliable and that all the appropriate tests were done. Second, because one cannot rule permissively on such a weighty question without having a serious discussion exploring all its aspects, including the severity of the fetal abnormality, the reliability of the tests, the family’s circumstances, the stage of the fetus, and the method to be used to abort. Additionally, it is very difficult for a couple to grapple with such a fateful moral choice. Consulting a responsible rabbi will ease their conscience and allow them to continue building a wonderful family."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Desirability of Prenatal Testing",
+ "As we have seen, some poskim prohibit abortion even when the fetus suffers from a serious illness. Many of them add that the mother should not do prenatal tests, as it would be pointless; even if the tests showed the fetus to be abnormal, these poskim would not permit abortion. Better to trust in God and His goodness rather than constantly worry about insoluble problems.",
+ "In practice, though, women should undergo the necessary tests. True, according to the restrictive opinion, even in a case where the fetus is clearly sick, abortion is prohibited. Nevertheless, there is a permissive view as well, and in a problematic case, the couple can consult a rabbi who will advise them as to which opinion to follow. Moreover, if there is a reasonable concern that the mother’s grief would jeopardize her mental health, abortion would be permissible even according to many who take the restrictive approach, as mental illness can be life-threatening, and when there is a conflict between the life of the mother and the life of the fetus, the mother’s life takes precedence. Even if the couple follows the restrictive opinion, conducting the proper tests will allow the parents to prepare themselves emotionally in the time remaining before the birth. Therefore, it is good to do prenatal testing. My rabbi and teacher R. Avraham Shapira ruled this way in practice.",
+ "It is still necessary to clarify which tests should be done. For example, it is known that the older the woman, the higher the odds that her fetus will suffer from Down syndrome. The question is: from what maternal age is it appropriate to test? Another question: For various reasons, some doctors recommend performing all types of tests during pregnancy. Some of them are very expensive, and many of them cause stress and worry. Is it best for a pregnant woman to have all these tests done? Or is it best for her to have a joyful, serene pregnancy, relying on God and His goodness?",
+ "As a rule, tests to detect serious, common problems should be conducted, while tests to detect rare problems should not. This is consistent with people’s approach to life in general; most do not worry about minimal risks when it comes to car safety or dietary choices. A good rule of thumb to determine the importance of doing a particular test, at least in Israel today, is whether it is covered by the HMOs. When the cost of a test is covered, it means that the Ministry of Health, based on the mass amounts of data at its disposal, concluded that this test should be done. Thus, it is best to do it. In contrast, when a test is not covered by basic insurance, it indicates that it is not so important, and one need not do it. Nevertheless, if a trustworthy doctor follows this general approach yet recommends doing additional tests that he thinks are very important, it is best to accept the advice and undergo the tests."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / A Mamzer Fetus",
+ "If a married woman had relations with another man, or was raped and became pregnant, the resulting child is a mamzer or mamzeret and may not marry a born Jew. (Although it is permissible for a male mamzer to marry a female mamzeret and they are each allowed to marry converts, the children of these unions are also mamzerim.) The question is: may a woman abort a mamzer fetus?",
+ "R. Yair Bacharach writes that le-khatḥila she may not abort the fetus, despite the fact that Maharil writes that at the brit of a mamzer we do not recite the blessing, “preserve this child to his father and mother,” because we do not want to increase mamzerim among the Jewish people. Nevertheless, le-khatḥila, it is prohibited to harm the fetus (Responsa Ḥavot Yair §31). This implies, though, that in a case of exceptional pain and dishonor to the family, it is permissible. According to Maharit, who maintains that abortion is prohibited because of ḥavala and is permissible when there is a great need (Responsa Maharit 1:97), it seems that preventing the birth of a mamzer can be considered a great need. The eminent R. Yosef Ḥayim of Baghdad was asked whether a married woman who became pregnant from an extramarital affair could take a potion that would cause her to miscarry. He did not want to rule on the matter himself, but he copied the words of Ḥavot Ya’ir, which implies that le-khatḥila it is prohibited, and cited Maharit and She’elat Ya’avetz (1:43) as permitting an abortion in such cases (Rav Pe’alim, EH 1:4). Even though he himself did not want to decide, what he wrote suggests that he was inclined toward the lenient opinion. R. Uziel also writes that a woman may abort a mamzer (Mishpetei Uziel, ḤM 4:47).",
+ "According to those who maintain that abortion is prohibited as an offshoot of murder, aborting a mamzer is certainly prohibited. As we said in section 3, though, the primary halakhic position is the more permissive one."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Unplanned Pregnancy and Possible Pregnancy from Rape",
+ "An unmarried woman with an unplanned pregnancy may not abort her perfectly healthy fetus. However, in pressing circumstances, when the pregnancy is likely to cause her psychological difficulties, abortion can be permitted within the first forty days from conception. As we saw above (section 4), according to most poskim, within the first forty days of pregnancy the organs of the fetus have not yet formed, and the more stringent laws of a fetus do not yet apply. It is best to end the pregnancy via oral medication or similar methods, so that the abortion is performed indirectly, thereby reducing the severity of the prohibition (as explained in n. 8).",
+ "Once the fetus has reached the 41st day, even if the pregnancy is causing the woman psychological difficulties, she may not abort. Even if she knows that she will be unable to care for the child, whether because of embarrassment or finances, she still may not abort. Rather, she should give the child up for adoption. Even according to those who maintain the more permissive view on abortion, permission is granted when the fetus is sick or its life would involve continuous suffering; here, however, the fetus is healthy, so abortion is prohibited. It is well known that there are many good people who are interested in adopting babies, so the child can have a good life. Still, if the case involves a young woman whose parents and teachers think will lose her way and have trouble building a solid family, there are grounds to consult a wise Torah scholar.",
+ "In reality, there is no need to reach the point where such a question must be posed. There is a simple solution. Any woman who is raped or seduced should go straight to a doctor and get a prescription for the “morning after pill” that prevents pregnancy when taken within three days of having sexual relations. Alternatively, if an IUD is implanted within a day of a rape, it prevents pregnancy. It would seem that all would agree that a rape victim may do either of these, since they certainly do not involve killing a fetus. Rather, they prevent a pregnancy from occurring. This is an opportunity to stress the critical importance of an open mother-daughter relationship, which will allow a daughter to turn to her mother for help if difficult situations arise."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / The Mother’s Health and Financial Considerations",
+ "As we saw (section 1), if a pregnancy endangers the mother’s life, she may abort. ",
+ "However, poskim disagree concerning cases in which the pregnancy is not life-threatening, but rather exacerbates a preexisting condition, like if the mother already has an aural or ocular condition that pregnancy will intensify, possibly leaving her deaf or blind. Alternatively, the pregnancy will worsen an illness that does not threaten her life, but causes terrible pain. Those who adopt the restrictive approach prohibit abortion in such cases (Igrot Moshe, ḤM 2:69; Shevet Ha-Levi 7:208 and 9:266), whereas those who adopt a more permissive approach allow it (Torat Ḥesed, EH 42:32; Mishpetei Uziel, ḤM 3:46; Tzitz Eliezer 9:51:3).",
+ "Sometimes pregnancy can jeopardize the mother’s mental health. In such a case, some poskim rule that even those who adopt the restrictive approach would permit abortion, since mental illness can be life-threatening and cause one to become suicidal (Levushei Mordechai, ḤM §39; R. Shlomo Zalman Auerbach). Recently, effective medications have been developed to treat many psychiatric disorders. Therefore, if a psychiatrist says that the mother can be medicated so that she will not become suicidal, she may not abort (Nishmat Avraham, ḤM 425, n. 12).",
+ "According to the more permissive approach, abortion can be allowed if the pregnancy would cause tremendous emotional anguish, even if there is no concern that it will lead to suicide. In practice, every question of this sort requires a couple first to consult with a God-fearing mental health professional and then to ask a wise person based on the assessment obtained.",
+ "It is forbidden to abort for financial concerns. Even when a couple believe that their financial situation will not allow them to raise another child, they may not terminate the pregnancy. Even those who adopt the more permissive approach maintain that aborting for financial or social reasons is a grave transgression. Zohar states that one who causes a fetus’s death demolishes what God constructed, causes weeping in heaven, distances the Divine Presence from this world, and increases the world’s troubles (Zohar II 3b; Tzitz Eliezer 7:48 and the end of 9:51:3)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / A Pregnant Cancer Patient",
+ "If a pregnant woman has an aggressive form of cancer, she may abort, because pregnancy causes cancer to metastasize more quickly. Even if the abortion will not save her life, but only slow the spread of the disease and prolong her life by a few months, she still may undergo an abortion, because her life takes precedence over that of the fetus. Moreover, even the temporary prolonging of life is important, as we see from the fact that we desecrate Shabbat to extend the life of someone sick or dying (She’elat Yeshurun §39). It would seem that even those who adopt the restrictive approach would agree with this. Even if there are some who maintain that it is still forbidden to abort the fetus directly, they would still permit the mother to undergo conventional chemotherapy treatment, even if it will indirectly cause the death of the fetus (see Nishmat Avraham, ḤM 425:1, n. 15.)",
+ "Nonetheless, if the woman wishes to continue her pregnancy, she may, even though it will hasten her death, and even though people are generally obligated to do whatever they can to prolong their lives. In this case, where the goal is to sustain the life of the fetus she is carrying, she may continue her pregnancy (Tzitz Eliezer 9:51:3)."
+ ],
+ [
+ "On the Mitzvot of Marital Intimacy and Procreation / Multifetal Pregnancies",
+ "Sometimes, as a result of fertility treatments, a woman becomes pregnant with multiple fetuses. Carrying two fetuses is not considered especially risky, as some women have twins without medical intervention. Even carrying three fetuses is generally not considered especially risky, and triplet births occasionally take place naturally. However, if there are five or more fetuses, there is a significant risk that they will all die or be born prematurely, leading to terrible illnesses.",
+ "The vast majority of poskim agree that it is permissible to destroy some of the fetuses so that the others will survive. (The process is euphemistically called “fetal reduction.”) Some explain that each fetus is considered a rodef relative to the others. Others say that because fetuses are not yet considered human life, one may kill some to save the rest. Accordingly, in a triplet pregnancy, only in an unusual case of heightened risk may one kill a fetus. In a quadruplet pregnancy, the situation must be carefully assessed; most of the time it will be permissible to kill one fetus, and two if necessary. In a quintuplet pregnancy, there is a consensus that taking the lives of some of the fetuses is permissible in order to ensure the survival of the rest. Each individual case demands the opinion of a God-fearing doctor and then consultation with a rabbi.",
+ "Sometimes, in a twin or triplet pregnancy, one of the fetuses develops more slowly than the others. If the doctor feels that keeping that fetus alive will cause the loss of the other fetuses, it is permissible to take its life in order to save the others. This is both because the weaker fetus would likely not survive in any case and in order to save the remaining fetuses."
+ ]
+ ]
+ ]
+ },
+ "versions": [
+ [
+ "Peninei Halakhah, English ed. Yeshivat Har Bracha",
+ "https://ph.yhb.org.il/en"
+ ]
+ ],
+ "heTitle": "פניני הלכה, שמחת הבית וברכתו",
+ "categories": [
+ "Halakhah",
+ "Modern",
+ "Peninei Halakhah"
+ ],
+ "schema": {
+ "heTitle": "פניני הלכה, שמחת הבית וברכתו",
+ "enTitle": "Peninei Halakhah, Simchat Habayit U'Virkhato",
+ "key": "Peninei Halakhah, Simchat Habayit U'Virkhato",
+ "nodes": [
+ {
+ "heTitle": "הקדמה",
+ "enTitle": "Introduction"
+ },
+ {
+ "heTitle": "",
+ "enTitle": ""
+ }
+ ]
+ }
+}
\ No newline at end of file