dr eon & selika - may 03
@0:00 - selika
hello.
@0:02 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
how are you selika?
@0:04 - selika
i'm good.
@0:05 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
how are you? they look so beautiful.
@0:08 - selika
yo.
@0:09 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
hits the light of the morning. how brilliant. how are you?
@0:15 - selika
i'm good. yeah, yeah. i... yeah. good. good moments.
@0:26 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
okay, awesome. hello.
@0:29 - selika
what's the time there by you now? 9.30 a.m. yes. so you caught me eating a little bit of my yogurt.
@0:36 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
oh, okay. that's fine. so tell me how things have been going.
@0:45 - selika
think it's been going good. oh, man. it's been a while since we've talked.
@0:54 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes, it has.
@0:55 - selika
love your soul.
@0:57 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
last time i spoke to you. you were on your way to, to somewhere, to italy, yes. probably italy, you were on your way to italy, and it was just before, um, there was something specific that was happening, but you were on your way to italy.
@1:24 - selika
you remember that? it was probably summer.
@1:27 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it was summer, yeah.
@1:28 - selika
because we spoke, i think, in spring, specifically happening. i don't remember. i think it's a couple of years ago now.
@1:37 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it feels like, yes.
@1:39 - selika
wow. so, a couple of years?
@1:41 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i think it was last year sometime, yeah.
@1:43 - selika
sometimes. i, when i change apartments.
@1:47 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
okay.
@1:48 - selika
yeah. i live alone now. in a very really, really, really, beautiful place. it's, it's more like a, i'm looking at it as i talk to you, but.
@1:57 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
oh, okay.
@1:58 - selika
i think it's a lovely life. i thank god every day to have it.
@2:02 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it's perfect. i have a little balcony, in new york. that's wonderful. where is this now?
@2:09 - selika
it's two blocks away from where i was, which is what i wanted, like to stay in my neighbourhood, which i really love.
and i have all my plants and it's all mine. and it's been amazing to be here. i really feel like i could really flourish in my own space, you know, like a bigger pot.
and then i've been to a couple of retreats. like i think there's been a big evolution. i feel different already.
don't know. it's almost like i'm going in leaps, jumps, all the work that i've have been doing is just consolidating and helping me like, you know, move forward.
feel much more grounded. i feel much more confident, way more, but not in an arrogant way.

@3:17 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
course, of course.

@3:18 - selika
yeah, it's, because, you know, right in touch, i can be a little preachy. ah, so i'm looking out for something.

@3:26 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
what star sign are you again?

@3:29 - selika
son in gemini, rise in sagittarius, moon in virgo, and venus in cancer, which is my moon sign.

@3:40 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes, she is.

@3:44 - selika
and, yeah, and also, you know, as a healer, like the more i trust myself, the more i just know things.
and, and, and i'm realising that i i just know things and you know and you can't really explain it and i understand people get confused and it's like everybody wants an explanation and i'm like i don't know but you know i can't know and that's fun to observe and play around with and see what happens.
i'm not attached to be like you know a psychic or a clairvoyant of any kind but i'm playing around with it and especially you know especially for me like understanding what is good for me or not and what are my next step and where am i going everything is i mean you know it's always in evolution of course there's nothing that is really fixed but trying to try to just listen and be aligned and
and stay on track, whatever this track is, that the more i move forward, the less i know, so trying to just go with it, whatever it is.
i got atuned to reiki.

@5:17 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
okay.

@5:18 - selika
yeah, so i practiced that a couple of times, a couple of times, like i did level two, couple of times, i mean with external clients in a reiki circle, and i really love it.
it is so interesting also how physically the energy plays out, like the change that i feel. i know like some of my the other students, the practitioners, they, you know, feel physical things in their hands, heat or like, i don't feel the physical thing, but i
feel messages like like almost like i have to say something to a part of a body of a person or to move somewhere or like you know it's gonna be okay to i don't know i don't know something like that it's not much physical things more like yeah this this pull and this thing that i feel like have to communicate or like talk so that's also fun who knows if it's i mean it's i'm imagining it or like it's real but you know it's real to you and that's more important than anything else that's the the yes okay the most important thing is that you learn to feel you and so so that's our purpose in life is to feel

@7:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and to experience everything fully through our feelings and so whenever okay i'm gonna ask you your your left your left foot left leg is anything happening in there okay no it's fine yeah yes so the the the idea is that you literally feel your way through life that the knowing does not come from i understand not the knowing does not come from information it comes from from the from the knowing and the knowing comes from feeling yeah
and if you feel you have to speak over something, speak over it. no, no, even if you have to say it out loud, speak over it, because there seems to be something that needs to be in you at least needs to be said for it to manifest.
so remember these two voices, there's the roar and there's the whisper. the roar is the physical voice. the whisper, i mean the the roar is the internal voice, the whisper is the external voice.
when you are aligned and and let's be honest, being aligned, there's nothing you can do to be there, you just be there.
again, it's a feeling thing. and so you feel you there or you feel you're not there, if that makes sense.
the challenge is, and this is part of the challenge that you face a lot, sorry i'm talking. the challenge that you face a lot is that you feel like you're in and then out, in and then out, in and then out.
and if you notice, you're out when you really, really try hard. and you know what that is, that's the one thing.
that's the i want to be present, but you are or you are not. and with wanting, wanting creates want.
in other words, want of wanting creates lack. the thing that you are wanting is lacking from you because you want it.
if the word itself means that you're lacking it. and so when you allow it, you appreciate it. and the word appreciate means it grows.
and the more you appreciate it, then suddenly gratitude comes.

@10:21 - selika
yeah.

@10:22 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
because gratitude is not something that you can manufacture, gratitude is something that you experience.

@10:27 - selika
yeah.

@10:28 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and that comes from appreciation and that comes from allowing, allowing the moment to be as it is and allowing yourself to submit to the present moment.

@10:39 - selika
yeah. that's my thing, my biggest challenge to surrender. i know.

@10:47 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and it's like you've got a top and a bottom that are not connecting.

@10:53 - selika
hmm. huh. how's it? i'm going to ask you a question.

@11:02 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i'm going to tell you a story first. when i was six years old, i don't know if you'll understand this, but here it goes non the less.
when i was six years old, i was born again and spirit filled at the same time. and i'll explain if you don't understand, but that's fine.
and then what happened? i suddenly felt this this this internal pressure building up inside of me. and i knew that if i was going to open my mouth, i was going to prophesy.
i just knew it. and i was so afraid. i clinched my mouth. and i i regretted that for i regretted that my whole whole life up to a few weeks ago, where suddenly i recognised that that was the moment that i quenched the spirit in me.
and that i've been doing that my whole life repeatedly over and over and over again. the same thing. so basically what happens is it's basically what i call the original sin.
when i deny myself, when i deny source, when i cut off, there's usually fear and there's usually a huge surge of emotion that i don't know how to handle and then i cut myself off.
and so we all have this in some shape or form in our younger years. and even speaking about this now, i know that there's a memory in you that goes, well, remember when that happened.
it's not necessarily the same, but it's similar. there's either anger, there's either fear but there's, you see, anger's never first, anger's never the.
first response anger is a second response because fear is normally the first response. so this can happen from the age of two to two and a half up until the age of nine-twelve where that decision is made to cut off from source or to deny myself to abandon myself because source and self-same thing.
and so in and this is the challenge that you have because when you don't try and you actually almost give up, you're there.
when you try and you actually want to do it, you suddenly find that you cut off again and the feeling is different.
it doesn't flow, you have to work, it's not nice, it's challenging, it feels like there's sand. and so on.
i suspect that there was a moment where you cut off, but that you reconnected again and that you have this swing thing happening all the time.
cut off, connect, cut off, connect, cut off, connect. and if you look at your life, you will notice that that's the same pattern that you have your whole life.
cut off, connect, cut with people, with situations, actually with finances. everything is in this cut off, connect, cut off, connect, and it goes up, down, up, down, and it's not stable.
it's quite a leap up, very much, and down, very much. it's as if you can be up tonight and tomorrow morning you cut off.
and you think, what the hell happened?

@14:48 - selika
you know, what happened?

@14:57 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and so, basically, for this to happen is this. you need to recognise, and the word recognise means to re cognise, in other words, reconnect and rethink.

@15:13 - selika
recognise here.

@15:16 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
recognise, rethink or reconnect that moment where you cut off. because it's almost as if you have a split's personality.
and as a gemini, and as a gemini, you know that. but it is as if there's one part of you that cuts off in stressful situations and another part of you that does not.
and you fight this internal battle all the time. and so if you think back, the moment, that one aspect of you, when you were a child, cut off, you will notice that that's it.
exactly the same thing that you do your whole life through.

@16:05 - selika
know what i want to say. i know it's like a five-year-old because i have these five-year-olds stamped in my mind and i like it's so i know it's there.
and i think it's when i renounced my magic to enter the world of adults and play by their rules which i did to fit in.
and the interesting thing is i was always never felt fitting. i tried hard. still trying probably. and the challenge is being in the matrix world and i'm like this doesn't make any sense.
things are just upside down and i speak, people don't understand what i'm saying and i try to say something and we're just in different spaces and and now i feel such a longing for finding a tribe where i can speak and people will understand and i think that's why my project is like it's my home right it's my scream in the wildness of like are you out there?

@17:32 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
interesting thing is that until you actually reconnect until you recognise the external project will not come together because the external project is a reflection of the internal state and so the interesting thing is that the recognition is all that it's required all that you need to do is recognise that moment
when i was five years old, and i cut off from my magic just you just need to recognise that because there's a specific memory, but that's beside that's and that specific memory.
you don't need to tell me that's not that's not necessary what is necessary as you probably can't remember the specific thing that the point is that there's there's something that happened you cut off and then reconnected and cut off and reconnected cut off and reconnected over and over again, and every time you cut off the reconnection becomes more difficult you know like i when i was little the thing is that when i would just say something more controversial and i say controversial things all the time i was just shut up over and over again.

@18:51 - selika
yeah because they didn't understand i mean that whatever and there's something in me that is screaming to speak i'm also taking singing lessons which is good for me.

@19:05 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
that explains why your throat chakra is so so wide open because it's brilliant brilliant blue. what i would suggest however is that you be careful not to strain your voice.

@19:18 - selika
yes.

@19:20 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
so if you are doing singing lessons i would suggest you do belcanto.

@19:28 - selika
yes.

@19:35 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i studied in the style of belcanto. belcanto what's nice about belcanto is that it teaches you how to breathe and allows the air to flow through you as spirit should flow through you.
so here's the interesting thing when you were when you were by yourself as a child you reconnected. when you were with others, you cut off.
spoke didn't speak. spoke didn't speak. was open closed, open closed. that's why you experienced these open closed experiences. and usually when you want to speak in these closed situations, you're afraid to.
but that's exactly when you need to speak up. but here's the thing. you will never know the words until you open your mouth.
and once you know the words, because that knowing comes from a feeling within you that you just know. but the fear is there at the same time.

@20:41 - selika
yeah. you know. yeah. tell me, tell me.

@20:49 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
that's the discomfort of the present moment. and the discomfort of the present moment always reminds you of that time that you cut off.
that's why it's uncomfortable. also, it's uncomfortable because of the responsibility that you have in the moment to allow for it to flow and to be uncomfortable in the enormity or the immensity of the moment.
here's the interesting thing. when i look at you now, there's a line going through from the back of your head down through the middle into your left leg.
it's a green line which is interesting because it means that you well anchored, but that you don't put your well anchored, but the problem is when you put your right foot out, when you step forward, you dis anchor.
so, step forward, dis anchor, step next one, anchored, unanchored, anchored, unanchored, unanchored, unanchored, anchored, it repeats the whole cycle up, down, up, down, up.

@22:00 - selika
down. oh my god, is this so interesting?

@22:02 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
because you can't, when you, when you look, so this might sound silly.

@22:08 - selika
but i don't suggest you start leading with your left foot.

@22:14 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
so start when you are starting to walk, start with your left foot. in order to remind you to stay connected.

@22:25 - selika
wow, that's beautiful. love it. yes.

@22:31 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
because there's nothing anybody needs to teach you. you just have to remember.

@22:36 - selika
yes.

@22:37 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
so here's, so the sequence goes like this. recognise the moment, which happened at five years old, where you cut off your magic.
you then remember and put yourself back together again. it requires there's a process that happens in terms of a dying that happens, because death takes place at the recognition, the death of the one.
wanting ego. because wanting starts there at that moment when you cut yourself off. that's why when you're with people you always want, there's always no one to understand you because you want to be understood but no one can understand you because you wanting it, there's a lack there, a lack of understanding, a lack of your tribe because you wanting it, if that makes sense.
and so once you once you surrender and allow the present moment to be when you are with people and allow the moment to just be and experience the discomfort of not knowing what to you
do you know the story of esmerelda?

@24:10 - selika
the gypsy. the gypsy with the hunch. yes.

@24:18 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes.

@24:19 - selika
the hunch.

@24:20 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes.

@24:21 - selika
yes. i always love that.

@24:23 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes. yes.

@24:24 - selika
yes.

@24:25 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes. right. there's a certain amount of esmerelda.

@24:28 - selika
yes.

@24:31 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
there's a free spiritness.

@24:35 - selika
and there's a tambourine which is interesting because the tambourine represents a rhythm. them. it represents a marina, body in good stock, which is place.

@24:44 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
wonderful. represents rhythm, and it represents dance, but it also represents prophecy.

@24:55 - selika
wow.

@24:59 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and the prophecy then comes out in the dance and singing. the challenge is that's exactly what you used to do as a child with other people.
dance and sing and say these interesting things.

@25:14 - selika
yeah.

@25:19 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and it's scared everybody. so they told you to shut up.

@25:23 - selika
yeah.

@25:24 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
especially, and i'm saying this, i don't know if i'm right, but i'm thinking especially your grandmother.

@25:30 - selika
really?

@25:31 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i'm also, i don't know, i'm just saying.

@25:34 - selika
it may be. i mean, i was very little. she, i remember her as my, you know, accomplice, actually. i grew up with her.
the mum of my mum.

@25:47 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes.

@25:49 - selika
but she may have been a little uncomfortable with that. i don't know.

@25:56 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it's that's not really relevant. what is relevant is that. is that, that little girl needs to sing, dance and talk again.
and so, i would suggest you bring that you take your tambourine with to the next time you go to a gathering of some sort or the other.

@26:21 - selika
oh, you know, i tell you this story. i basically, when we went to a woodstock, which was a magic place, a few years ago with my girlfriend, and we went to these artists' house and i bought the tambourine and we had brought like these beautiful dresses for the night.
was like, let's dress up. and i had these like flowing, purple and green dress, like, you know, i really felt like the witch.
and then we had like this wheel, because the artist had a wheel that looked like the thing that you, anyway, we
things coming out and sections and things coming out of this and he was spinning and i'm like okay let's put our name there ask question and spin the wheel first of all the prophecies of the wheel became reality all of them from that night so all my friends are like there was a magical night and i was dancing and playing my tambourine and that night was like still lives in our memories like so vivid and now we're going back upstate like a near woodstock again with some girlfriends and i can't wait to be in nature i saw a bear there while i was meditating and then actually was coming towards me but then left and and i can't wait to be there alone or with them if they want to sing and dance but i know like you know the thing is that maybe this is the one thing maybe
that will not make that happen. like, i don't know if my friends are closing up to lose themselves and i find myself always with people that are not going for it.

@28:16 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it feels like that you've got to corset on. you know what corset is.

@28:19 - selika
corset.

@28:21 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yeah.

@28:22 - selika
yeah. and i want to do it and i'm so afraid that i will want to talk, talk, talk all the time about the same things over and over again and just not move and everything is always so basic and and i get so exhausted.

@28:48 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you know what you need to do, right?

@28:52 - selika
be there and dance and sing and then they wander off.

@28:56 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you don't need, you don't necessarily have to tell them to do anything.

@29:00 - selika
yeah.

@29:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
they will either stay or go. but here's the interesting thing. the corset that you are wearing, you put on yourself.
number one, number two, it also represents the corset that's around them. they can't breathe either. and so when you start breathing, moving, singing and dancing and just talking.
you help them let go of their corsets.

@29:33 - selika
yeah.

@29:35 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and so the healing does not take place with the laying on of hands. that's not your healing power.

@29:44 - selika
yeah.

@29:45 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and you know that. yeah. that's why you know that reiki, feels uncomfortable for you. you don't want to. i wouldn't say.
bear with me. it's not. it's not your natural state because you your healing does not flow from standing still if this does not make sense then you need to tell me to shut up and shut up no, i think look i think because there's a there's a part of you inside that you you could either it either you either hear my words on the inside and say but this is how it i'm feeling this it feels right or it doesn't feel right no, and sorry.
i'm interrupting you again.

@30:42 - selika
the funny thing is the more the more right it feels the more scared you i think that's the dynamic and the thing is that i have all these energy and i know it flows through my hands that's why i
right, for example. so it's it's all like we're dancing or moving and this is the energy they have to flow out.
and when i do the reiki, for example, i know it's not my main thing. i would never have a studio and if people come over, i would love to do it like to my friends or like people.
i felt my hands itching. i wanted to do it. but i think more about it's more about being connected with that energy.
i wanted that energy to flow through me. i think that's the real thing that i wanted to experience. yeah.
and reiki is all about getting out of your own way. and i think that's my teaching from it.

@31:44 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
the interesting thing with reiki is that it does exactly of no offense. reiki is great. but let's take the whole picture and look at it.
a tambourine makes a noise. right? you want to sing. in other words, your healing requires sound.

@32:13 - selika
yes.

@32:15 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
not the laying on of hands. your hands itch because you want to move them and you want to strike the tambourine.

@32:28 - selika
in fact, it's crazy. in fact, like all my friends want to talk to me, but when i said, i did the reiki, like, ah, come, i'll do it to you.
nobody was really buying in. and i'm like, it's for free.

@32:43 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it's great. why you don't want to do it? because it's not yours.

@32:47 - selika
yeah.

@32:48 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it came out of it. it came out of wanting. you wanted to connect to something.

@32:54 - selika
yes.

@32:55 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you wanted energy to flow through you. and in that moment, you would doing exactly the thing that you were not, that caused the cut-off in the first place, denying yourself.

@33:11 - selika
he said, i'm so tired, i have a block, i didn't write anything in so long, i just liked the reiki because i didn't have to talk, and i could just be there.

@33:31 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and guess what, with the dancing, i know i'm off on a tangent, but with the dancing and the free movement, you don't have to talk.
you can literally just, oh, whatever. and although you are excited about this, it also fills you with dread because you know the challenge is you, and here's the interesting thing.
start at home.

@34:04 - selika
i did it the other day, was fantastic.

@34:07 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
exactly.

@34:08 - selika
i was laughing so hard.

@34:10 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and you were connected and you could feel it and the energy moved and everything flowed that whole day. but as soon as you go with, as soon as you come out of your flat and get to people, you clamp up.

@34:28 - selika
well, look, actually it's not, now it's much better because, for example, my work, it's about me talking to people, right?
they love it and they look, they want me to do it. so the more i listen, when, for me, i discovered that the trick is just really listen to them, so i get out of my way.
and then i speak from a place that i need to speak to. i give them my words, the trick is where i think i want them to do something or i then things get muddy.
but when i just speak because it just comes out of me, it's really great and they all love it.
and because i listen to them, i just am in them so intently, they, i disappear, the more i disappear when i speak, it's pure and it's from that place.
so my job is really helping me a lot. and i probably, that's why i chose it. and the same with my friends.
when i listen to them, then i just say things from my intuition and, and they, and they're so grateful and they're like, yeah, they do listen.
they do.

@35:55 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
now, here's the interesting thing. you, if you, look back at it. if you look back at the listening, there's a there's an element of feeling because you don't hear, you don't just hear with your ears, you literally feel what they are saying.

@36:14 - selika
yeah. i feel it. i see it. i know it.

@36:18 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i feel it. see it.

@36:20 - selika
you hear it. you everything. yeah, it's not empathy per se, but it's not going to cry.

@36:25 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you cry. no, no, that's not, that's not it.

@36:27 - selika
it's a knowing.

@36:29 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
like i'm.

@36:29 - selika
yes.

@36:31 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes. now, now, think about the last time that you were not connected. when you were not listening. what happened there?

@36:47 - selika
yeah. it's a wall. a wall is drawn up. resistance.

@36:54 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and you look and waited the resistance come from.

@36:58 - selika
and then i. people disconnect and we get disconnected and and i then i feel better like why did i insist on that thing?
you know like i have my friend. she has a condition. she has many episodes lately and and i know i know that her lifestyle is too inflammatory for her and and all this heat like i can see it the heat outside i can see almost what happens in her body and i told her like but i and she called me to talk about intuition and and so on and and to you know, she has to find some grounding for herself.
it's it's hard when your mind is just you know not not being so reliable and she relies relied on that a lot or anyway, and then at some point i told her like i really really feel though that you
you have to, you know, add more water element in your life, because this fire is inflaming you. so, ground in practice, water, fresh, cold, you know, alcohol, smoke, or sugar, all of those things, not great.
but she, she loves those things. and so, i felt she disconnected, and i'm like, why did i push this thing on her, you know?
maybe she's not ready yet. it's one step at a time, i insisted, and when i insisted, i think my intuition is right, but i mean, i'm sure it's right, but maybe it was not the right time.

@38:38 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
the intuition is right. the question is, is it spoken out of wanting or out of appreciation? in that moment, are you wanting her to hear, wanting her to heal, or are you allowing spirit to do what it does best?
take over. and that's where the esmaralda needs to come out. because then you have to move and keep moving and not get stuck in the wanting.
what might help is if you get the other person to move with you. so that you can loosen up and they can loosen up and kinaesthetically body to body you reconnect.
because then you start hearing their bodies with just free movement. you understand what i'm saying? so literally just moving, moving your arms and just moving.
you will notice that when you are in a room of people that are stiff. you are stiff.

@39:57 - selika
yeah.

@40:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
what you need to do is move so that can move them, but you need to do it physically so that they reconnect with their bodies and you connect with their bodies so that you can hear them because you're hearing is not just a auditory thing it's a physical feeling thing a kinaesthetic understanding.

@40:26 - selika
i think without moving physically moving i think that i mean i haven't tried so i will pay attention and try also this but for example with my client what works really well are this meditation where we connect with the body and so even if we don't move because it's a meditation but we go inside and we feel things and and so that's a kind of movement right?

@40:58 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes it is. so the point being, whatever you need to do to move into the body and get them to move into their bodies so that you can connect with them is what is required.
because let's be honest, you can't literally take out your tambourine at your job and go, the people will take it, people will lock you up, they will think you're crazy.
and that's not what you want. you want spirit to move. so in order to move spirit, that's fascinating. because the spirit moves me, i move the spirit.
what moves the spirit, music.

@42:03 - selika
i know, my god, you know, i spoke the first time to a psychic, she's amazing, when i was 35, 30 years ago, and she told me, these things, music will bring you to another level.
and i think she meant spiritually, right, this guy, was like, what do you mean? but now, you know, after 30 years, things had to come together.
and she was like, the spirit are saying, put on your shoes and pants. you have to dance, you have to dance.
and she insisted so much with the dancing. and and then she said, these things, she said, like, you're like a powerhouse, that's so much energy, are very connected to the earth.
and that's where, like, your energy comes from. she's like and flows, it through your hands, but it's not, but she said,
but you know, but your powers in your approach are your power is here to your words like you have to sing and dance i see you singing and dancing and she had this.
 i know right and and i keep resisting that, and i think for me the way to that is play is like having fun really like a child like we have to be that kind of way of doing things spontaneous and fun and spacious and purposeless and and just because because it's free and because it's beautiful and because in it's the only things that makes sense to do
but this world is so heavy, i feel so weighed down, you know, and sometimes am i too heavy? also when i was writing like my website, which i enjoyed because i was like, okay, selika, this is like your voice has to come out.
now, say what you want to say. that's why i love it so much because it's my pictures, it's nature, it's the colours i want.
it's like, it's my home, i enter it and i feel, yes, this is my forest, this is my magic place, you know.
and it's beautiful and so i love it so much and i'm like, this is where my voice has to come out.
as it is. and that's why i love it because i love really talk as i wanted to talk maybe in a few months i would talk even differently if i would be even more open even more free even less courses but that's a step that's a step and that's why it's so important for me to get it out even if it's not it i know it's just a step and i'm heading even somewhere else but i have to do that step i have to have the courage to speak to talk as i want to talk and let everybody see you know you can be afraid of it be me anymore and so that's the symbol for that also and just like going against all these fears like my reputation what people would think how people talking and and that's like all right here it is take it or leave it
i don't know. this is who i am. take it or leave it. yeah. i have so much tenderness for my little girl.
she is really precious and magical. and she is being boxed in.


@46:39 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
who is boxing you in?

@46:43 - selika
well, you know. growing up. i know that it became internalised and i am doing it now, because i am an adult and i can now do whatever i want.
but growing up, some things were not accepted or understood, i...

@47:09 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
what's changed?

@47:13 - selika
now i am my adult person, and i can allow me to do whatever i want.

@47:20 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and yet? ah, well, i'm not there yet, but i made progress.

@47:31 - selika
what?

@47:32 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i'm actually going to say something that might sound harsh.

@47:36 - selika
okay.

@47:38 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
fooling yourself.

@47:40 - selika
i know, they keep telling me that, that i'm fooling myself.

@47:45 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
because it's not happening. it either happens or does not. the reconnection does not happen in the future. it either happens now or it does not.
the boxing in stops now or it does not. and, unaccepted, ridiculed, what's changed? because those same voices say exactly the same thing to you now.
and your feet itch when you're in and this has happened to you a few times already, specifically in the last month or three.
where you've been in a meeting and you think, you feel uncomfortable, you literally want to move. and you think you're being nervous and you think the people have cut off.
and you think all of these things, but the discomfort is from the present moment that requires you to sing and dance and allow spirit to be.
but you're afraid of, it's not possible, what do i say, who's responsible?

@49:16 - selika 				15:39 20/09/24
know, even in nice situation where i was like, i mean, work, yes, like the other day, i was like, ah, i literally had to scream after a session ended, because i didn't.
you for god's sake, you're a logical crazy, i know, but i can't with my clients. so i'm there and there and there.
then i closed the session. was like, ah, and i had to go to my balcony and just get out.
i was like, so holy . is exactly like, you know, my last boyfriend, i choose a completely insane person is a musician
a crazy one, genius one, but and he's so, i mean, it's very mature relationship-wise, but he has, i think i was attracted to the characteristic because he goes crazy, like he does when he plays, then he's trapped in a million traps and i think that's why we met because we're mirrors, we are the same.
but i can talk to him because he, he is never available, but it would have been like a nice way to heal this aspect, maybe for both of us, but anyway.

@50:36 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
the healing doesn't take place in the future, the healing takes place right now. so part of this, part of this conversation is for you to recognise the moment, because you haven't recognised it yet.
still doing it. and talking about it is not doing it. the recognition you still have not recognised that you're still doing the same thing because you're still blaming and i'm using the word blame but you're still making excuses and saying it's because of this, it's because of that, it's because of the next thing and i will get there.
it is a step i am going to take, i am going to and it's a nice way of not doing it because then the responsibility is not in your hands.
because the discomfort that you are even feeling right now at the back of your head, at the back of your head there's this tingling going on, is that correct?
yes and you know what that is that you're reptilian brain trying to squirm out of the situation because of the discomfort that you are feeling right now and so normally you start talking and you deflect okay this does not change it will not change until you go it let's dance i know this sounds crazy and i know this sounds absolutely loony but until you do that the recognition will not take place and it is and in your case just like in mine you have to do it it's not a mental process
and that's the challenge with the reiki. in the reiki, you can stand still and do it mentally and speak internally.
because reiki sessions are usually very quiet and very controlled. that is not your magic. and you know that. deep in you, you know that.
if i'm not speaking the truth, you wouldn't be re-acting like you are right now.

@53:33 - selika
when i go to walk, walking with my headphones, and i have this image of me dancing and dancing and dancing on this.

@53:43 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it's wonderful. that's great. i'm really happy for you. that does fuck all. that's when you are supposed to do it.
don't. you cut off from yourself. and that's why the energy does not flow.

@54:07 - selika
that's why i plan to make the tambourine  at night.

@54:23 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and it's not just with your clients. sometimes this feeling of i've got to dance right now. i've got to move my feet.
i've got to move my feet. your feet literally itch. it sometimes happens when you're in the bloody store. and you think i have to move my feet.
and what you normally then do is you go inside and you cut off from the outside and imagine yourself dancing on the inside.
and that's not what is required. what is required is for you to literally move and move, move your feet.
and you don't have to do crazy movements, you just have to start moving. and this is the interesting thing, this is why not everybody does this, not everybody's magic is like this.
your magic is not for one person at the time, your magic is for groups.

@55:22 - selika
yes, i know, i know.

@55:23 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and you know that the people that you're supposed to reach is not one at a time. you're supposed to speak in front of crowds and you're supposed to get them to move.
and all of this makes sense. but because you are so afraid, you keep on cutting off the spirit. and every time you, every time you try and reconnect, that part of you can reconnect, the part of you that does not cut off, reconnect, and it's great.
and as soon as it gets to the point where you need to step up and do it, everything falls flat.
because you pinch and you don't allow the spirit to move. and then you wonder and then you wonder why things are up and down up and down up and down the website is exactly the same thing and the launch, the launch is irrelevant.
it is absolutely fuck all, march, august it means fuck all. it means absolutely fuck all. the launch of the website it means fuck all. because that's not what's needed the launch, the launch that is needed.
do you know what launch means? a ship gets launched. what does that mean a ship is not made for the harbour a ship only comes into its own once it goes into the sea in other words unshored
uncontrolled, wildness. what's the other word for that is chaos and potential chaos. all of this is fantastic. this is really nice.
this is really great. but tomorrow or even later today when the itching starts and you don't do it, you will know about it.
you will know about this. and then you will then, before this, you didn't recognise. you will now, the recognition will now come.
and once the recognition comes, you then suddenly realise that i'm responsible. it wasn't done to me. i did it.
nobody cut you off, you did. you chose to  cut off. and so part of this, part of your process is not necessarily recognising this thing in this moment, but in the moments that happen after this.
and so i'm going to suggest that you contact me when you recognise the moment. because then we can start talking, because until then i'm wasting my breath, just like you would waste your breath in wanting somebody else to heal.
like your friend, why was i so pushing? although she needed to heal. that she needed to hear it from the authentic dancing you.
you needed to dance in that situation and you knew it. you needed to move but you came in there wanting and you wanted to give it to her what you thought she needed, not what she needed.
if that makes sense. and you came in there with a preconceived idea and you decided beforehand already that she will not necessarily accept what you're saying because of xyz and so you didn't say what you wanted to say or do what you wanted to do what you knew you should do because you decided beforehand.
when? esmaralda, there's a beautiful disney movie with esmaralda in it. watch it. just watch it.

@1:00:02 - selika
i know, i know i'm her, i'm a gypsy, or a witch.

@1:00:07 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
that's also the reason why you find it difficult to have just one man and why men find you alluring, they find you alluring, but they cannot hold on to you.
and the funny thing is you're always looking for a man to hold you down.

@1:00:26 - selika
yeah, instead of holding me up.

@1:00:29 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you don't need that either, you need an anchor, something to tie your string to. you do need a caravan, if that makes sense, a caravan you are part of a family bigger than just one man and his dog.
that's also the reason why you are so free sexually, and yet, you feel guilty about that, and you feel shame around it.
okay. no, no, no, i've said enough, i can't say anymore, because you heard what you needed to hear. so either you will recognise, or you will not recognise, but that is up to you.
and here is the interesting thing about your life. you are 100% responsible for it. it's either that, or you're not responsible at all.
and so to then get upset with other people, that they are not playing the tune that you want to hear, and doing things that
the way you want it done, is in a way saying you should conform, but i won't.

@1:02:23 - selika
how do i, do you?

@1:02:26 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
well, first recognise it. until then nothing can happen because it's metamorphic transformation. the transformation happens like this, in the snap of a finger. instantaneously transformation happens.
the metamorphosis takes time. a caterpillar goes into a cocoon and immediately goes into mush, changes into a butterfly. right?
the process then of the physical change that needs to take place then, takes time, just like a tadpole becomes a frog.
but the transformation happens instantly. the recognition happens instantly. metamorphosis takes time. and so, until you recognise, no metamorphosis will happen.
this is not a thing that you can think through. this is something that you can only experience, and that's the part that's missing from your life.
that's why you've been feeling so tired, because the energy that's sustaining you is not coming from the earth anymore, it's now coming from you.
and you can go to... the funny thing is, the older we get, the more we realise that i'm getting older.
why? because i'm not connected any longer. when you were younger, you could go on the connection that was. because that connection is...
powerful. the older you get you realise, i am disconnected, but i don't know how to change it. so once the recognition happens, the metamorphosis starts taking place by itself.
so here's what i'm saying. go for the next week. go for the next two weeks, three weeks. however long it takes for the recognition to come.
once the recognition comes contact me, because then i can help you further.

@1:04:37 - selika
are you just going to work?

@1:04:46 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and you're just noticing when your feet are itchy and you don't dance.

@1:04:58 - selika
yeah. okay.

@1:05:02 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
selika, you are a brave, um, feisty italian woman. and yet you are trying to be a small, a neat english granny.
there's this fire in you, but you deny that and pretend that you are not.

@1:05:36 - selika
i think i must go crazy.

@1:05:41 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
craziness is not a bad thing.

@1:05:43 - selika
i know, i love it. but i sometimes when i get so heightened, know, i'm like, oh, yes, then you cut, then you cut off again.
yeah, that's because it's so high. i'm scared. i'm gonna go like, where am i going, you know, and everything isn't like it, then you then reality, then i feel like i have super powers and and things like i see in technicolour or like, you know, i never need a drug, so obviously, because i already hide by myself, like, but, and, hold on a second.

@1:06:23 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
hold on a second. that's what you want. that's what you desire. so why when it happens, you deny it?

@1:06:30 - selika
because i feel like then i become like, like this and how do you know?

@1:06:37 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you've never tried. you never let go like that when it mattered. it's this, i told you my story, right?
in me was a flood. felt like big bubbles that if i opened my mouth, it was going to be physically just,
i was going to prophesy in front of this whole church, i was going to, i was six years old.
i was scared. so i bit down and said nothing, and same thing happens to you, but you haven't recognised it yet.
and so once the recognition happens and you will know, you will know. and then we can talk further.

@1:07:41 - selika
how about the meditation that i do?

@1:07:44 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
that's fantastic. i'm really happy about that.

@1:07:53 - selika
because that's the silence and stillness. but i feel like i need that.

@1:08:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
like the more i'm granted is of course because it's a reminder of being a still quiet mousey little english old lady.

@1:08:11 - selika
no, no, it's not true.

@1:08:13 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
oh, yes.

@1:08:15 - selika
i feel like a wall.

@1:08:17 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
quietly controlled. yes, that's nice. quietly controlled because that's what storms do. they quietly controlled. hurricanes are quietly controlled. and you are a hurricane.
yes.

@1:08:32 - selika
but a hurricane, what does a hurricane do?

@1:08:37 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it sweeps away. it moves stuff.

@1:08:43 - selika
oh, and that is exciting.

@1:08:46 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it's wonderful. and so keep on meditating because that's, that's where the, that's where your magic lies sitting still and being quiet.
yes, because that's where you hear spirit. hmm. yes. you. do hear the spirit when you quiet and sitting still, that's where the magic happens.
oh yes, you can sit because you can sit in a crowd just by yourself and the magic just happens.
healing just takes place because you've been still and quiet. yes, that's you. that's exactly who you are. it's not comfortable to hear it like that, is it?
none of this conversation is actually comfortable because what you really want to do is run away. because your feet are itching right now and you're like, my , i didn't expect this.
i thought this is going to be a nice chat about fuck knows. actually, it doesn't really matter.

@1:09:51 - selika
i did it. you're wrong. like you underestimate me.

@1:09:52 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
no, but here's the interesting thing. you did not expect this conversation.

@1:09:56 - selika
but i knew something was coming, like, i'm not so disconnected as you think.

@1:10:05 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
no, that's true. and i agree.

@1:10:09 - selika
i feel i'm very connected. know. i know things.

@1:10:12 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i know you're connected and that's what's coming today.

@1:10:17 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you are connected and that is the truth.

@1:10:25 - selika
yeah.

@1:10:26 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and yet this conversation was not what you expected.

@1:10:30 - selika
no, because i didn't expect anything. i honestly, like, i felt like, yes, i wonder what we talk about because, i mean, you mentioned things about very practical things about project management, like a book.

@1:10:43 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
that's not good.

@1:10:43 - selika
yeah. no, but i was not interested in that. like, do like with annette, but we do like, i hope for this.
and i knew something was coming. i didn't know what was going to be. i was a little excited and nervous.
because i knew i'm like i'm gonna hear what i need to hear and i have no idea what it was what it was turns out it's this but i knew i was gonna hear what i need to hear today
@1:11:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
okay so but my suggestion would be in order to help you remember and to recognise find the tambourine okay put it somewhere that you can see it the whole time you've got a small flat now so put it somewhere that it's in the way on the microwave on the floor in the middle of the carpet in fact that's a brilliant idea put it in the middle of the carpet and for that matter ask the tambourine to remind you to help you recognise oh my god i feel like excitement down here like like in my
you realise that, you realise that once, you realise that once the recognition takes place, you cannot stop the transformation.

@1:12:10 - selika
i think it's yes.

@1:12:13 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you say that now, once the recognition takes place, i cannot, and will not be able to stop the transformation.
yes, and you might feel excited about it now. but the fact of the matter is, it should scare you.
it's not because that part of you that controls everything, that's trying to control the universe, source, the infinite source, that part of you will die at that recognition.

@1:12:51 - selika
i know.

@1:12:52 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and you will not be the same. no. it goes again.

@1:12:57 - selika
it goes again. i'm ready. i'm open. i'm scared, but i can't wait for it to happen, i just.

@1:13:24 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
so what needs to happen now is that you need to allow it to happen. wanting it won't make it happen.
allow it to happen. so what, yeah, you can do whatever it really doesn't matter. in terms of a meditation, you can say, today i just allow.
i just allow. today i just allow. in fact, i, you know, if the meditation makes you feel good. do it.
that's great. that's really good, but i would actually not do it? i will just actually just live instead of doing the meditation.
rather just sit and do nothing. rather play with the tambourine. rather draw for that matter draw  the wood of the tambourine. draw the tambourine. draw it through the recognition. the pictures then sit and make it. the tambourine.

@1:15:09 - selika 
i started this and it's not complete but you can see 
oh my goodness, oh my goodness, see and the butterfly still has to come, i knew it, so we are here.

@1:15:21 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
do you realise that you're not even in a cocoon yet?

@1:15:26 - selika
oh, come on!

@1:15:29 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and you know why?

@1:15:31 - selika
no.

@1:15:31 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
because you're still eating, you're still trying to fill up, because once the recognition takes place, the caterpillar stops eating and builds a cocoon.
until it doesn't realise that it is actually a butterfly, it keeps on eating. but once the recognition takes place, the
it instantaneously stops eating and builds a cocoon. i know the sounds harsh, but you are not anywhere near a cocoon yet, until the recognition takes place.
doing reiki is fantastic and all the work that you've done so far has been the grace of god, because you've learned a lot of stuff and it's good, but it's come out of wanting, and it will only produce want, because it's not from source, it's only half, hold on, it's only half, because it is not your complete magic, and when you do your, when you do a half thing, what happens when you do a half thing, half a tambourine
falls over. half building collapses. one leg falls over. that's why one step fall. one step fall. one step fall.
it's an up down. up, down.

@1:17:20 - selika
yes, but look, i keep moving forward.

@1:17:23 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
oh, yes, i'm not saying you're not moving forward. you are definitely moving forward. you are still eating. that's the caterpillar.
you are still eating. i'm not saying anything about that. and you're doing what you need to do. i'm just telling you that once the recognition, and i know that's the shittest thing to hear because you do a shitload of work to try and improve yourself.
and you're doing everything except the thing that you need to do. but you cannot do it until you recognise the moment.
and so now i'm really going to stop because now it just becomes abusive if that makes sense. you know, now you understand, there you go.
and the recognition will not even come in, as i said, the recognition will not come in this conversation, it will come in the days and weeks, in this coming time, it will come.
and you will know it when it happens. and i know you're tired. i know you've fed up. and i know you actually, you've filled up.
you've had enough. nothing working out, innate, the economy, the illuminati, the world going to shit. you've just had enough, and you don't know, and you've had enough.

@1:19:02 - selika
i understand the money, you know, like always counting. it's like i feel so trapped and i'm working so hard.

@1:19:16 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and you're getting tired.

@1:19:18 - selika
yeah, i feel like a fair compensation coming back for all the work i do.

@1:19:26 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
part of this is also starting to blame god, you think, but , i mean, i'm supposed, i'm doing what i think i'm supposed to be doing.
i'm supposed to be a light worker. why is the light not helping?

@1:19:40 - selika
yeah, i'm like, i mean, i'm happy people. i'm doing it with my own heart and why it's like i feel very fortunate.
don't like you know, these days. i was like, i just want time for me. i'm tired of this giving. i want to think about me, me and me. like at the center of my world.
instead of always being something for others. i want to be inspired and reflect on things and get them full of the hints and like sniff around. and i'm blocked here and i'm thinking also about moving from this city that is so expensive and i feel so trapped.
because i can't move. i want my life to be spontaneous and simple and different. i'm always ugly i'm there, everyone. sorry. you wanted the crazy lady, i don't know you go.

@1:21:14 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
now is speaking truth. it's taken a while to get you, because the whole time, the whole time you were talking about something that you were not connecting to.
you were not listening to what i was saying. and still, even now, this is, and look, i'm not saying anything, you are where you are, and you're doing very well.
this has been a gruelling session. i mean, when lost that somebody climbing into you like, i'm just climbing into you, climbing into you.

@1:21:53 - selika
what?

@1:21:55 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
when did somebody climb into you? like, i'm doing now

@1:22:00 - selika
it just landed. into a lost at that happen, but i need it.

@1:22:03 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes, i know exactly.

@1:22:08 - selika
that is useless that they don't bring me anywhere. this is different. this is what i need. the truth. i'm not scared.

@1:22:25 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
no, you're not. so, allow the recognition to take place. and it can happen. it doesn't have to happen. it will happen when it happens, but you will know that the recognition happened.
that you recognised where you cut yourself off. and, as I said before, the signs will be there, the itchy feet, moving hands, irritability, the wanting to move, it will all be there and you will realise what you need to realise.
okay. and so, do you have my whatsapp number? but you've got my email address, you've got my email address.
as soon as this happens, doesn't matter what time, let me know and we will schedule a zoom for the next, for as soon as possible from that moment.

@1:23:34 - selika
okay.

@1:23:36 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
then you need to start talking, because then something else is taking place. okay. this has been a long time coming.
and the impact that you need to make in the world will not happen one on one.

@1:23:54 - selika
no. i know that. i know that since a long time.

@1:24:02 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
so, be prepared to be embarrassed.

@1:24:11 - selika
i'm training. actually, one of the meditation that my zen master gave us, it's guided meditation is a visualisation of you trying to show something to a crowd and everyone is laughing at you.


@1:24:34 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
that's a good one. because you've got to stand up. and it's going to hurt.

@1:24:36 - selika
it's going to hurt.

@1:24:38 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
but it's going to be worth it. and you know what song? i'll send you the link for it. but it's forza e coraggio.

@1:24:49 - selika
forza e coraggio

@1:24:54 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
because this is who you are, darling.

@1:24:57 - selika
i am.

@1:25:01 - selika
no.

@1:25:02 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
pretending to be, pretending to be innocent and not knowing won't work anymore.

@1:25:10 - selika
no. i'm bold. i'm confident.

@1:25:31 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you know what i would actually do? i would go so far as to get a tattoo of a tambourine on my right hand.

@1:25:37 - selika
i wanted that too. wanted something. i wanted a nose ring.

@1:25:43 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you could do a nose ring, but the problem with the nose ring is you don't see it. a tattoo on your right hand of a tambourine.

@1:25:53 - selika
it doesn't have to be big.

@1:25:54 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it doesn't really matter because you will understand. understand the significance of the tambourine.

@1:26:03 - selika
yes. oh, yes. see, something. needed that tattoo.

@1:26:08 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i was seeing it this day. on your arm, literally on your hand. so that you cannot hide it. you can put it there, but so that you cannot hide it.

@1:26:18 - selika
yeah, yeah.

@1:26:20 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
okay. and again, not on your left hand, but on your right hand. because it's your right. it's your right foot.
that's the problem. stepping into the, stepping into the future. putting out your healing hand, your healing hand is your right hand, your receiving hand is your left hand.

@1:26:44 - selika
look, i'm gonna, i'm gonna start working with the left and see what happened. like these days, like literally yesterday, i told, my friend, i realised that i'm like, in my, i have visions and i know, you know, oh, these things.
like you say, no, i know, i know them, so it's everything there, but i thought they're like, i'm too far off in the future.
like, i just want to be here now. my intention is telling me, like, no, here, here, do your job one step after the other.
don't look further. that's it. now, just now, just live, you know, and see what happens. yeah, it's the good path.
okay.

@1:27:35 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you know it's the good path, that knowing in you, you know, so it doesn't matter what i say, because the truth and the authority is in you, not in me.

@1:27:52 - selika
yeah, i know everything. just don't know how to shed this old identity, but i'm doing it.

@1:28:01 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
the caterpillar doesn't know either, but once the recognition happens, he knows exactly what to do.

@1:28:07 - selika
maybe i'll read more about the caterpillar.

@1:28:11 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you can if you want to, that's fine. so instead of meditating, do that. or meditate on a caterpillar.

@1:28:18 - selika
that's actually a brilliant idea. a what?

@1:28:21 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
tattoo? meditate on a caterpillar.

@1:28:24 - selika
a pet?

@1:28:26 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
meditate.

@1:28:27 - selika
meditate. ah, sorry.

@1:28:29 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
on a caterpillar. if you really want to meditate, meditate on a caterpillar.

@1:28:36 - selika
i'm not in a cocoon, but i'm a caterpillar at least.

@1:28:38 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you are a caterpillar and you're getting fat.

@1:28:41 - selika
i'm fatting fat. i'm actually doing the fat thing now, so...

@1:28:47 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it's interesting, isn't it?

@1:28:49 - selika
the pattern of my dependency on food is an emotional compensation. i'm starting to not eat. all right, i have a session.
have to go. but i mean, what can i tell you, understand now that why it has been telling you to do the inner work?
yeah.

@1:29:25 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you know now why you need to work with me?

@1:29:28 - selika
yeah. okay. i don't know about it. i mean, i couldn't afford it otherwise i would have worked with you big time.

@1:29:36 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
here's the interesting thing. you cannot afford not to. so if you have to, if you have to give something else up, do so.
this is not a joke.

@1:29:47 - selika
you're right.
@0:02 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
ciao!

@0:03 - selika
bonjourno! bonjourno!

@0:06 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
bonjourno!

@0:08 - selika
beni gratci!

@0:12 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
bonjourno! beni gratci!

@0:14 - selika
beni gratci!

@0:16 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
beni gratci! gratci! gratci! i had an italian girlfriend!

@0:21 - selika
really?

@0:22 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
at high school, in high school, yes.

@0:23 - selika
it was cool. but where? you always been in south africa, right?

@0:28 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes, i'm in south africa, yes.

@0:30 - selika
the girl was there?

@0:32 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
in south africa, yes. nono and nona used to call me pavarotti. because i used to sing opera. yeah, so, yeah. was an interesting story.

@0:51 - selika
but you were singing in high school?

@0:53 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i was singing in high school. i was singing in school. i sang my whole life, except until i actually met my husband, and then i actually recorded a cd. but i didn't i don't want to go into the music industry.
i don't want to sing like that. that's not what i want to do. i don't have the desire to do that. i just don't want to. 
@1:20 - selika 
what you were like just performing? you like to perform in front of an audience?
@1:25 - eon joubert 
yes i prefer to be in a group in front of an audience. maybe a quartet or a trio. or something like that. or even a solo is nice, but then i would like to do rather an opera, or musical theatre. 
because that's the type of singing that i like. i can act and sing at the same time, which is what i really enjoy. just to sing is not so nice. no i just don't like that. 
it makes me feel too exposed.  because i can't move. i have to stand still in one place and moving gives me the opportunity to let go of the energy that i feel that when i sing.
that let's me move. just lets go of the energy because yeah otherwise standing still is terrible no no no 
@2:00 - selika 
i hear you there 
@1:25 - eon joubert 
how you feeling? 
@2:00 - selika 
i'm good, i'm good it's been a rough week. i mean right after that we talked. basically right after i think that day. i was so excited and i danced so much i danced like so recklessly and the day after 
like my neck was blocked and i felt horrible. horrible like more a sense of like now what kind of thing. and like nothing was making sense and and nothing was like motivating me anymore.
 like i didn't yeah i was like yeah what am i gonna do, and and i felt so down. and i wanted just to sleep and be undercover and when i was kind of sad and i also felt like, can i trust myself.
you know like did i do the right thing. like where am i going now. and that's sad. and i was like this never happens to me. like or i don't remember the last time this happens. i was waking up and 
crying like but that's so different, and then i come down i come down like i stayed calm kind of a lot of silence and quiet.
@1:25 - eon joubert 
oh it's a new addition. my father, my mother, when i showed my mother. she says oh you look just like your dad. and i said, did my dad smoke a pipe? and she says your father yes, when you were 
very young, he did. and when i thought back about it, i remembered, oh, yes he did smoke a pipe. i can remember because my whole life, i've wanted a pipe. i've wanted a pipe my whole life. but i've 
always been, no, i'm a singer and i'm not a smoker and all of that, so i can't. but i tell you, the pipe gives me the opportunity to keep quiet. otherwise, i babble.

@4:26 - selika
yeah, i get that.

@4:27 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
also, the ritual of smoking a pipe is it's not the same as cigarettes. a cigarette you light and quickly smoke and then you run off again.
a pipe, there's a whole ritual you have to press it in and do this and you sit and you think with a pipe.
you have to puff on it and it's a whole process. you can't do it quickly. if you do it quickly, the pipe doesn't taste right and it dies.
you have to literally sit with it and just slowly and steadily, puff away at it. yeah.

@4:54 - selika
i love it, actually.

@4:56 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
so do i.

@4:57 - selika
i do it with tea like that. with my sessions because it keeps me present, it keeps me grounded and comes with me and i do something with my mouth like i have to do always something with my 
mouth and now that i'm doing the fasting i can't eat so i need to bite on something. i love the objects i love the bite.

@5:24 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
thank you.

@5:26 - selika
so yeah and then and so like after a couple of days. that i was feeling like that. that's when i wrote you. i'm like what's going on, and i think that i also wrote you to reaffirm to myself. like part of the 
email i know was talking to me. a lot of it but i needed to do it to reaffirm. like you know how i trusted myself. which is the most important thing for me. i know that's just the point. like i need to
trust me. and when things go wrong is because i don't do it, i haven't done it.

@6:06 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and the the me that you're talking about there is not just the me in this present moment, but also the self that is the higher self.

@6:14 - selika
yes, that's it.

@6:15 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and so and that's the challenge. you know, when you have a. when the conversation you and i had was very specific and very in the moment.
and the things i said and the things you heard was for that moment, if that makes sense. and so you can't. it's not something that you can duplicate or something that you can really pull apart. 
except in the moment. you have to go back to the moment to understand what was said. you can't go forward and try and understand what was said because in the moment it meant something. and 
that's exactly where it was supposed to mean something. it had no other relevance, but in that moment. and so, when i read your email, i thought, first of all, i see there's some fear and it also 
feels like you ran away from something, like you ran away from that moment, and that's exactly the same thing as the dancing, because you were avoiding the present moment, if that makes 
sense? the doubt that you were feeling was perfectly, that was perfect, that was exactly right. and when i read the email and i thought, okay, obviously, something's happened.
and then i spoke with my partner, my business partner and friend, jock, who facilitated holistic self integration for me. and when i read it to him, i read him the first part of the email, because
it's a private conversation. i didn't read everything to him. read anything about you that was private. only that makes sense that was relevant.
and so you need to understand that this is, this is sacred space nonetheless. and so he immediately said, but she's in the cocoon and i said, oh my goodness, you're quite right.
and i missed that because i was so i not what i saw was what i missed was you started dancing and the trigger was you started dancing.
remember when we spoke, the whole thing was you will know you will recognise when you start when you feel you need to dance.
so the recognition took place, which means that the metamorphosis is taking place, which means you are in the cocoon, which means the process started.

@8:59 - selika
i'm

@9:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i missed that the first time. and so when he said that, i thought, oh, i see, yes, that makes sense.

@9:09 - selika
yeah, because i had mixed feelings, like i wrote a first i wrote an email, then i canceled it, then i wrote these other ones, because i needed to speak, which is me.

@9:22 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and that's how i'm going to interrupt you again. sorry, i'm going to interrupt you next time. rather leave me a voice note, number one.
and that's what that's what exactly what i wanted you to speak to me about, because i knew that was going to happen. that's why i told you when the recognition happens, talk to me.

@9:44 - selika
right. and i think i said the same sense of despair, actually, what i attributed to the down was that i was, because like in the moment i felt so excited, right, then i rewatched. i was to rewatched.
our conversation. and i'm like, because at the beginning, i was like, i feel so down. and i feel like in a part of me, like, felt like my work until now was kind of like, no good or not valid, invalidated.

@10:16 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes, yes.

@10:17 - selika
and then so i rewatched it. and i'm like, no, there's nothing here that invalidates that. it's not what's been said.

@10:24 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
exactly.

@10:25 - selika
but still the down remained. and i'm like, what the hell it is. and i felt like i couldn't trust myself.
that was the hard one. i had to wait for this recognition that i didn't know what it meant. and i didn't know what it looked like.
and it wasn't like, i couldn't do anything about it. and then, and i felt like from that depended my whole life.
i was like,  i like, what? this is not possible. but this is my virgo moon. remember i'm a virgo moon.
like that's how i process emotion. i have to pick them apart and analyse and, and so that's also what's in there in me.
i have to like work with that energy. because in the moment i just leave it. in fact like after our conversation i danced right  there and then. i'm like with a minute like my mind goes start to pick 
everything apart and and creating doubts. and like what's going on. and then i was like. selika, he just told you to follow your instinct .and do whatever the heck you feel like doing. basically like that 
and that's what you've been doing. because that's what i've been doing. at the beginning of this year i told myself this year is dedicated to trust myself, which means everything i feel like doing i do 
and that will be the end of it, and so that's what i've been training, but it's interesting that the cool.
cool. when you said the caterpillar stopped eating, i did a 24-hour fast yesterday. and because it's the right moment for my cycle, my period, and i'm reading this book, i was doing it anyway.
but it's so funny how the timing is perfect.

@12:16 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you see, that's the point and that's why you have to always put those things together. that's the remembering. means to put the members back together.
and so that's part of the remembering. you have to put back the timing and all of that is so perfect.
if i can relate this to, i don't know if you've ever seen the movie, the passion of the christ?

@12:47 - selika
with mel gibson.

@12:49 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
with mel gibson. did you see the movie?

@12:50 - selika
i think so.

@12:52 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
fine. you will know that when peter disowned jesus. all these things happened, but there was this one moment where, after peter had denounced jesus three times.
he looked up, and jesus saw him, and they looked at each other, and peter understood. that was a moment shared by them, and them alone.
that's exactly this, and everything had to happen for the timing to be right, so that that moment could be shared.
exactly the same thing. everything had to be right for you to be in the right space, and everything to be able to experience the moment that you and i had.
if not, everything i said wouldn't have gelled, it wouldn't have worked, because truthfully, this much sounds crazy, but the christ has been revealed to you.
if you understand the christ as being yourself, the perfect man, the perfect woman, is the christ, our higher self.
and so the process always comes down to that, do not deny the christ. and so it's not something that you can actually discuss with anybody else, but the person that you had the moment with, if that makes sense.
because nobody else would understand. will have an idea of what was said, and they will only have some idea of what we were saying and think, oh, but this is wrong and that is right and this is wrong and that is right.
and but it wasn't their moment and wasn't shared with them. so they have no idea. so they could be talking out of their ass.
well, they mean well, but they're not talking truth. for the truth was in that moment.

@14:54 - selika
yeah.

@15:03 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and so, when you got scared, you had to say it to someone else, but you also had to write it out.
and that's...

@15:14 - selika
a couple of friends, but it was so confusing what i was saying, they were like, exactly, because they... i don't know, i'll tell you later.

@15:26 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
exactly.

@15:28 - selika
i look crazy, like a friend of mine, like, i send him a voice note, then i can't say this, then i send another one, then i can't say that, i'm like, i'm not going crazy.
but i can't speak what i can't speak yet, i don't know what to tell you, because i don't know.
and then i had to surrender to the not knowing. it was like i didn't say anything, because part of me was like, oh, something here was wrong.
and part of me was like...

@16:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
no, this was right, and so now what what you need to do now, is you need to go and say the part of you that's saying it's wrong didn't feel the same as the part of you that was saying it's right even though it was uncomfortable. 
the part of you that was saying it's right. knew what's calm and that exactly and that space is what you address. so that space is what you need to go back to. as the as the litmus test to say, is this right, is this wrong. 
because you, because what you were doing was you were going in fear, trying to base your decisions and your actions on fear. yeah, you cannot do that. fear and pain are only there to indicate something is happening.
you cannot base your emotion. you cannot base your logic on that. what you can do is base the logic back on the space. how was i feeling?
what was the moment? what is the space that i was in at that time? and that space said this is right.
a peace that goes beyond my understanding. i don't understand but this peace. but and your mind is going crazy saying something's wrong, something's wrong.
yes, because it's no longer in control. that's part of the dying. that's part of the caterpillar, changing into a butterfly.

@17:36 - selika
the mind freaks out.

@17:38 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes. and you're used to that. you're used to responding to that. and that's also part of the up down thing.
because your heart stays your heart just because it's not your heart. it's more like your stomach heart type thing.
it's here in your belly. it's just below your solar plexus. we feel this expansion, i can breathe, it's so weird, but i feel so calming here, it's not numb.
there's a difference between numbness and calmness, and this is not numbness.

@18:12 - selika
i was never numb.

@18:14 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
exactly.

@18:15 - selika
i was sad, i was desperate, was like.

@18:18 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
but even that didn't change the space.

@18:25 - selika
something was right, you're not understanding what's going on, but it's okay.

@18:30 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
exactly.

@18:32 - selika
and my virgo moon wants to understand everything.

@18:36 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
exactly. the problem with that is, you break things apart, not just for other people, but for yourself. if you look back, notice that you break yourself apart as well.
you've broken up relationships for the same reason. the how can i have jobs for the same reason, because you want to break it up?

@19:07 - selika
but they were, they needed to be better.

@19:10 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
true, true. that's true. true! but what i'm saying is, there's a breaking up pattern also in your life.

@19:16 - selika
oh, yeah. oh, big time. oh, yeah.

@19:22 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and so it's part of the learning. but it's part of that. i want to venture and say, that time is over now.
you don't need to break things apart anymore. because breaking apart, you not only confuse other people, you confuse yourself.

@19:42 - selika
no.

@19:45 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
is a moment. this is a time of trust. and i don't want to use the word faith, because faith and trust is not quite the same thing.
but this is a time of trust. trusting the christ within. yes.

@20:02 - selika
exactly.

@20:05 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
trust that you know what to do next. even when it doesn't look right or feel right and nothing makes sense.
trust. because, and i understand completely because i've got the same tendency. i've got the same tendency to, the word is called obfuscate.
obfuscate.

@20:32 - selika
obfuscate.

@20:36 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and the word means to make more complex than what it needs to be. number one. and to confuse yourself.
basically that's what happens. because i try and break something simple up so much that i know longer, that i lose the thread of what i wanted to understand in the first place.

@20:58 - selika
that's why my key word for this year was simplified. simple. go simple. and you know like my clients say that one of, in their testimonials for my site, they say like one of my highest qualities is to simplify.
for them, i get to the core. as like i have a sword, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat with the nonsense, cut out, this is where we're going.

@21:25 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
the fascinating thing is, you cannot do that with yourself.

@21:29 - selika
yeah, that's the chiron, right?

@21:31 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
wounded healer..

@21:32 - selika
yeah, exactly.

@21:34 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and that is why you need a relationship, not necessarily a relationship romantically, but that is why you need a mentor or a mentor that can disciple you through yourself.

@21:50 - selika
if that makes sense.

@21:55 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
that ability to break things apart gives you the ability to cut through other things. things for other people. but it is completely confusing for you.
you need somebody else to cut through the confusion for you. the heart surgeon cannot cut his own heart. he has to submit to another heart surgeon.
but he's going to be clever. he's not going to choose just anyone. he's going to choose the best. number one, the best.
number two, also somebody that he can trust. or she can trust. so even though there might be another heart surgeon that's better, if he doesn't trust that person, he will go to the one he trusts.

@22:43 - selika
but for me, i feel like that i should trust me.

@22:49 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i know i can do it. true. true. understand that. the challenge though is this. you cannot see you.

@23:00 - selika
i know.

@23:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it's impossible. it's impossible. i can see you.

@23:09 - selika
yeah, i know.

@23:10 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
do you understand? because and that's part of the that's also part of the cocooning that's also part of the caterpillar dying caterpillar changing into butterflies knowing i cannot do this by myself because i cannot see me.

@23:31 - selika
this is one of my another one of my wounds, know, like hyper independence to protect myself. it's really hard for me to let go.

@23:42 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and exactly.

@23:44 - selika
and that's my one.

@23:52 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i'm independent. i'll do it for myself.

@23:54 - selika
i'll do it by myself. and i love teachers. like i had so many teachers and i listen to. people.
the problem is this. the problem with me is that i used to doubt myself so much and be so permeable and condition-able that it would kill me.
like i would trust everybody and not me. so in order for me to trust someone else and let go to somebody else's guidance for real, i need to trust myself first.

@24:28 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and so here's the thing and that's why the. remember, if you look if you remember the last time we spoke i've constantly told you if what i'm saying doesn't doesn't ring true in your heart throw it out and tell me because i was acknowledging that same thing.
you need to love the voice. there's a scripture that says your heart will bear witness what is being said.
so there could be other people that teach they can't be or could be other teachers, but your heart doesn't resonate.

@25:03 - selika
yeah.

@25:05 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
if your heart didn't resonate with what i was saying, i wasn't the right one to do mentorship with.

@25:13 - selika
yeah, yeah. i know that because i do that for my clients. and i was reading my website yesterday, that's exactly what i said.
like, you can do this work by yourself, but doing it with somebody else is a whole other thing. and my zen master was always saying, you can't do shadow work by yourself.
you don't see your shadows. you need a mirror to mirror you.

@25:38 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and people are mirrors.

@25:40 - selika
exactly. i can be my own mirror?

@25:44 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
no mirror can be their own mirror. the sun even needs a mirror. the moon.

@25:57 - selika
true. i think i was pretty. it's out to go back to the place of not trusting myself, that i think that's what made me cry in the past.

@26:08 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
but if you think about it carefully, that was a bit of an overreaction, because you knew in your heart i could trust this person, me, i could trust the moment, and i can trust me that what i heard and saw was the right thing for me.
even though it scares the living crap out of me.

@26:32 - selika
yeah, but you know what? like i was triggered by the last thing where you said you can't afford not to do this work.
and i'm like, what do you mean? like i don't need anything. like i can't afford to do what i want with my life.
like i was like, what the heck? no. who is he telling me what to do

@26:48 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
exactly? exactly.

@26:52 - selika
like no, i do whatever i want.

@26:54 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
like if i want to waste this life, but that's exactly the point. that's exactly the thing that's stopped you in the moment when you were a child.

@27:02 - selika
nobody will tell me what to do. yeah. and that stopped me from one.

@27:08 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and that cut you off.

@27:10 - selika
that cut me off?

@27:13 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
because if you think about it carefully, the moment told you what to do.

@27:28 - selika
but how do i reconcile this thing? i kind of sense. but for me, was more a rebellion. i don't think i rebelled to my intuition.
like, for example, don't know, you know, like the name of my website or the decision to leave a job.
i just went for it and i jumped in the dark and i went for many things jumping in the dark.
the name for my website, for example, came to me. i used it five years later. because i'm like, i get this name, and i have no idea what to do with it, and yes, i know that that name is destined to even something else is not current project.
i know it's something else you have to do with kids, and it's gonna come. i'm just taking the step i need to take right now with the base of the project that is now.
so i know all these things, and i don't feel a rebel against it, but when somebody else tells me, i do.
like, okay, i know it, so i go for it, but if you tell me, i'm, no, you can't tell me what to do, you know, but i think the human authority.
i got this memory, just like this memory, because these are, i think it's significant, because it kept coming up.
i was like 10 years old. i think it was around easter. i think it was eastermas, and i had all my pretty hair, you know, easter, italy, i was in this village with my mom and my
family and so on. and i went to church saturday night. so i didn't have to go sunday morning and i could go out in the sun and play.
and then i saw i was done with the church. i was never i never felt connected to the church and i never gave a shit.
so come sunday morning. i just loved the instance. come sunday morning. my mom was cleaning and she wanted me out of her way.
and she was like go to mass. i'm like no. i went yesterday night not to go this morning. what do you mean?
and she's like oh it's good for you to go. to her. because she wanted me out of the way.
and i was furious, i went crying. i was furious. i was like no fair. she sending me to mass again.
like i was trapped. and this memory came up over and over again.

@29:57 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
okay. because here's what you have to remember, part of the remembrance is related to these memories and what's interesting is our nervous system and your emotions connect things.
they feel arbitrary, it's not linear. and so that connection was made to the same instance with you as a child being told not to dance, not to be yourself.
that's why that memory came up.

@30:32 - selika
i couldn't go play, i had to go to jail in my life, i felt it.

@30:37 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
exactly, and so that rebellion is linked, it's the related memory. and so part of your, and it's true, because part of us feels entitled to have freedom.
let me explain it to you like this. remember i said, adam, eve, and god. the snake came to eve and said eat the fruit.
eve went to adam and said eat the fruit. adam said eat the fruit. eve ate the fruit blah blah blah.
at the end of the day, the snake said, if you want to be like god, eat the fruit. eve already knew she was like god, but she felt entitled to be like god, even though she already was.
so that pride stood up, that entitlement, which led to pride, which led to rebellion.

@31:40 - selika
there's something here. wait.

@31:47 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i deserve to be like god. if you read it, whatever the story goes, it basically comes down to i deserve to be like god, so i will eat.
no one will stop me. even god said, even though god said, shouldn't, no one will stop me, because i deserve it.
i am entitled to be like god.

@32:10 - selika
because she was right.

@32:12 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
she felt entitled though she was already.

@32:15 - selika
but she didn't have to refer back to anything.

@32:17 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
she didn't have to. that makes sense. and it's exactly the same thing that we do in that moment as a child.
we are entitled. we think i shouldn't be experiencing this. i shouldn't be told not to. i shouldn't open my mouth.
and i shouldn't feel this overwhelming place of not being in control because i am god. i must be in control.
if i open my mouth right now, i'm going to prophesy. i'm going to be totally out of control. if i start dancing now, i'm going to be totally out of control.
and so i deserve not to be. i deserve to be. to be in control because i am like god, pride, and then the rebellion happens, and i say, close my mouth, i stop the dancing, the rebellion towards god, the rebellion towards self, the higher self, yes, the christ, does that make sense?

@33:29 - selika
yeah, but i think as i wrote you, like i think also there was safe for us to do like that. as leaders humans, because we would have, you know, like kept us even more down today with.
@34:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
remember your life, your whole life is an answer to a question, and so the childhood was necessary for the adulthood to understand so that the rest of the life can be the answer.
so thank god for that moment.

@34:14 - selika
yes.

@34:15 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
now what happens is. now i know it's no longer want of wanting. now i appreciate. now i can allow the spirit of god, the christ to dwell within me again and i appreciate the past present and the potential future in the present moment.
i appreciate and what happens then gratitude. suddenly i realised i appreciate what happened because otherwise this, that moment would not have taken place between you and i and the spirit or source or whatever or the christ within you would not have happened.
if you didn't have a moment in a childhood that brought this up. and so the challenge comes in here.
and the challenge comes in here to stay, and it's interesting because i see your feet again, more your heels than your feet, to stay grounded, in the space, not grounded in the earth or grounded in this or grounded.
whenever people say, oh, you have to grounded, that, 
@34:14 - selika 
what do you mean? 
@34:15 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
because they don't understand. the meaning is to be ground or rooted in the earth. 
@34:14 - selika 
does me a lot of good.
i'm very connected to the earth. 
@34:15 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
true, but that's not the place where you need to be grounded. the place you need to be grounded is on the rock.

@36:03 - selika
it's a groundless ground with miles and miles miles and miles.

@36:06 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
exactly. the space within.

@36:11 - selika
yeah, i know. yeah.

@36:14 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and so when you hear anyone speak anything and there's discomfort in that moment and there's discomfort in that place, run.

@36:31 - selika
well, i wanted to run from you when you said you need this and i'm like, no, i don't. you're not the master of me.
this was, i want to say, you're the master of me. what, who do you think you are?

@36:46 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you should have said that.

@36:48 - selika
i'll say next time.
i'm saying it. now i didn't know i had say it.
@36:51 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you should have said that.

@36:54 - selika
yeah, then.

@36:55 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and then we can address the thing, the rebellion, because that was not what was meant.

@37:01 - selika
yeah, like my therapist, which i fired him, but i think he was a good one for 10 min pisses me off too much.
he's like, he was like, selika, you have to separate like an intense way of talking or aggressive way you're talking and somebody that is attacking you.
i'm not attacking you. i'm helping you, even if i'm speaking like this. then he was speaking about himself too much and i felt like i was his therapist, so that didn't work.
but that piece of advice, there was pressure.

@37:38 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
so i got what i needed. yes, exactly. there's a difference between passion and anger. you are a very passionate person.
and what you noticed for me was also passion. yeah, was not angry.

@37:53 - selika
when i rewatched, i was like, why i have this feeling? and but right after i was dancing, like something doesn't make sense.
so, when i re-watched them, like, there's nothing here that is attacking me, there's nothing here. and yet i was feeling like this, so i think i needed to get mad at somebody, right?
and sometimes the person that is trying to help you.

@38:19 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
exactly. if you think back, when you were a child, that was the same thing that happened. you got mad at the grandmother or the mother that told you, stop misbehaving, stop dancing, stop being wild.
like, you got mad at them. how dare you tell me what not to do? what to do? how dare you tell me to stop being me?

@38:41 - selika
yeah. that's why i cried so much when i was young, like, all the time because i was so angry and frustrated.
i cried at school everywhere.

@40:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
but was there an abusive parent in some way, or shape, emotionally, verbally, physically?

@40:06 - selika
i physically know. i think there was a lot of uncontrolled anger, passion, you would call it for italians, maybe.
my grandmother was always yelling at my dad, or my dad is a very, my dad, especially is a very fiery person.
and i had like, but it was also the one that he was like, play with me and like, we will make drawings of creatures and he will invent stories for me and will make the faces of monsters and it was so much fun.
he will play with me a lot with all these imaginary things. i think he's the most spiritual of my family for sure.
i think also he may ever give to, if he could say that. but anyway, but at the same time is very emotionally uncontrolled and unstable, yeah, stable and so you never it's almost like a landmine you never know when it's gonna burst and then he will go. and for him then it's done like he's in peace, you know.
but my nervous system was shattered and then the second thing that he did is like he wanted to make peace immediately.
and i needed my privacy, i needed to process things, i needed to be alone, he wouldn't let me be alone.
for a second, he cannot sustain me being angry at him. and so it would come and he was like, let's make peace, let's make peace, give me a kiss.
i was like, i wanted to love him. it's my dad and i feel guilty, a whole bunch of stuff.
like, and now i see it, and when he plays the victim, i'm like, you're gonna get over it, you know?

@42:07 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
okay, so if you didn't. have a look at it. you will notice that the relationships you've had so far have been abusive in a similar way.

@42:18 - selika
or silent treatment, which is my mom, which was my boyfriend, my ex-boyfriend, that was not available, always had something more important to do, didn't have time for me, couldn't give me attention, he loved me, but was very intermittent, yeah, 
@42:07 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and so that was your childhood, and your childhood just repeated itself over and over in your relationships.
@42:18 - selika
yeah, i saw that.

@42:52 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
what's interesting is now that you are no longer a child, now you must become conscious. and not do that anymore.
now, it's a conscious choice, not an unconscious...

@43:08 - selika
that's why nobody showed up. it's been three years like that. nobody showed up. it's so strange.

@43:15 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i'm like... because you need a stable, man that is whole, that is integrated as well. and what's interesting now is, as this integration for you is taking place, the right person will come along.
there might be some wrong people in the meantime for you to test your space. remember the space within your heart?
to test them according to the space, because outside they may look right, but inside they don't fit the space.

@43:53 - selika
but i think i had a few tests. with a couple of people that i like expected time. zero i didn't take their shit this time and also with my ex-boyfriend we had a couple of extra rounds and every time i 
felt i grew more and this last time i gave him my peace and goodbye. because he also, he kissed me again. i was ready just to be friends. like you know. like i really like had that sentiment of care for him, and he kissed me again. 
and i kissed him. but i didn't lose my mind. i didn't lose my head, and i was like. all right so you know he tried to play the same drama, and i called myself out i didn't participate in it.
i'm not interested in it. i saw it and i choose made a choice. so i think, i think i did good.
@45:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
you did brilliantly and and the whole point is that you've been prepared for this cycle that we're going through. this i don't know what. i don't know what to call it, but one to one. to end. 
and you you were prepared for already. otherwise you wouldn't have been able to accept the message that i wrote.
so now what you need to understand is that the period that you are entering or have entered is now a period of dying.
because something died, the old you died. something new is being formed and will be birthed. and that's the process that you are in at the moment.
so if things are in flux and deurmekaar and you don't, the word deurmekaar means through each other, deurmekaar.
it's afrikaans for d-e-u-r-m-e-k-a-a-r.

@46:00 - selika
and d-e-u-r-m-e-k-a-a-r. what can i do?

@46:06 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i think i'm going to invite you to come to south africa.

@46:07 - selika
god, i feel like so called to go to africa this summer. you know?
like, i want to go to the animals.

@46:15 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
okay, so there is a retreat that's happening that i'm facilitating. i'm telling you that now so that you can be prepared for it.
i will give you more details as we go along. okay, so to be prepared, there is a retreat that is being organised, so i'll give you prices and all of that as we go along.

@46:44 - selika
where?

@46:46 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
in south africa, and it's a 12-day retreat.

@46:57 - selika
well, let's see october is bad for me. because i'm just back from italy, but let's see, but i just wanted to go on a safari and just be with the animals, you know.
and what do you think? because another thing that i'm feeling and i think i'm preparing for it is to leave new york.

@47:20 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
are you in new york currently?

@47:23 - selika
yeah.

@47:24 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
oh, that explains a lot. okay. no, the telephone number and also the time. not that new york is a very interesting place.
it doesn't give you time. yes, everything is running and you don't. with this rebirth that you're experiencing. time is a very important thing.

@47:56 - selika
no.

@47:58 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you need time for yourself.

@48:00 - selika
yes.

@48:04 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and unfortunately, new york is all about a rush. no one has time for themselves. and time for yourself does not mean nine o'clock.
i'm going to the gym, ten o'clock. i'm finished.

@48:18 - selika
off was nine.

@48:18 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
off was not time for yourself. that's not time for yourself. that's not self-care. that's not how it works. self-care is this is my time.
time in other words stands still for me. until the next moment arrives for me to do something else. and i was thinking exactly and that's not run by the clock that's run by my body's time.

@48:44 - selika
yeah.

@48:45 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
we call it in south africa. we call it africa time.

@48:49 - selika
maybe that's why i want to go to connect with that. yeah. yeah. exactly. and you know what, in fact,
like during the pandemic where everything stopped, i felt the distinct feeling like finally the world is going at my pace.

@49:08 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes.

@49:09 - selika
i could breathe nowhere to go.

@49:12 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
remember exactly new yorkers are living in an artificially created environment.
@49:19 - selika
i know of high stress, high anxiety, high everything. you know like i can't even be in central park because it's an efficient park.

@49:28 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
exactly.

@49:29 - selika
the only place i find peace is by the river because water has always been there. yeah. that's water is always been there.
then there i can relax really. i and that is so resonating and also you don't have time because your rent  is too expensive.
you have to make the money. i need time to be an artist. to reflect to create and i can't afford it here because i need to work work work to pay my rent, which is and it's all about somebody else.
yeah, you work not for you. work for somebody else your life is being spent to facilitate somebody else yes, it's like money like more money because i create my schedule and very consciously i'm 
like, i don't care if i just make it even break it even at the end of the month, but i need time so i never went into overworking when i do i come back quickly or leave like you know.
this is my home.

@50:50 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes. yes. i thought it was that big.

@50:53 - selika
yeah love the flowers. yeah and so i do my i'm saying, you know, i keep my time, but i hate running, i hate running, except there's one thing i cannot do is rush, not even for fun, leave me 
alone, and i want to go live in a place that is less expensive, so i can have more time, and i can do what i do, and then i have free time to create, don't know what, but i need the time before.
the pressure kills me, like i wrote you in the email, like, i need fun, and joy, and play, a skill, to be me.

@51:41 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
if you look at a caterpillar and a butterfly, which one has the most fun?

@51:45 - selika
the butterfly.

@51:47 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes, what is the caterpillar all about. rush, and to eat as much possible. rush, rush, rush.

@51:54 - selika
rush. rush, rush, rush, rush, rush.. more.

@51:56 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
more. more. more.

@51:57 - selika
more. it's heavy. but happy you know, i wrote a story for children, i wrote stories, and actually i hope it's gonna become a book.
and it was about a ladybug painting butterflies wings with a message, so when they would like flock the wind, the message was spread, isn't that really beautiful, that's beautiful, that's beautiful.
and also penguin who was howling at the moon, it's like goofy penguin, that was to be a wolf. oh, it's so cutie breaks my heart.
i really, i really hope it becomes a book because those stories are so pretty, a cockroach that's a poet.

@53:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
oh, that is interesting. that's a good one. do you understand now the first conversation we had?

@53:11 - selika
yeah, yeah, yeah.

@53:14 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
my favorite seems now.

@53:17 - selika
i didn't understand it right away. there was just this part of me that was like, huh, what the fuck, you know, kind of thing.
i also think i have this thing with men. i may have like, uh, wait, defense, kind of all this reaction with you.
yeah.

@53:42 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and notice that i gave you time to come back to me. i didn't push the next appointment because i knew that you needed to make your own space to understand and come to realise and recognise and then you come back to me.

@54:00 - selika
yes, you know another thing, because only then can i give you insight into what has been happening 
@55:11 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
but you have to you see the answer doesn't come from me the answer comes from you you the answer 
@54:00 - selika 
yeah, 
@55:11 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
you're the answer in your life not me but also i facilitate you being
@54:00 - selika 
yes in a way that to me is more challenging uh but then it's also an opportunity to empower myself because i was down like i felt little bit like a victim right in the face and then when i wrote you i 
knew that it was just shitty right what i was saying but i needed to say it because i needed to empower myself and say again that i trust me above anybody else and that's how things are and i
i did good and i'm celebrating my work and i need to say, 
@55:11 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
do you recognize, however, that that was done out of wanting?
@54:00 - selika 
yeah.

@55:11 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes.

@55:12 - selika
yeah. and also was like a little bit, i'm like, i knew that i was also kind of defending myself, justifying myself, learning myself.
could have waited and maybe i didn't, i wouldn't have felt that need. and i think moving forward, when i give myself more space and i calm my freaked out mind, i wouldn't need that.
but now i need to speak up even more than usual, because i mean, they in between, right? i'm getting there.
i think maybe that the metamorphosis thing or like the little thing that is like getting out of the room.

@55:50 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
metamorphosis takes time. as i said, the transformation is instantaneous. the metamorphosis, the changing from one shape into another shape takes time.
@56:33 - selika 
but i first i had these moments throughout my life though, these moments where i did shit. 
@55:50 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
yes, of course you have that as part of nature, part of who you are.
however, this is something new because we're not, you need to understand that you are going, you are a new you.
@56:33 - selika 
hmm. remember but remember caterpillars shed as they become bigger, they shed their skins.

@56:33 - selika
that's what i feel like this is my first life.
i say like this is my first life. that's the interesting thing but now this is no longer a caterpillar situation.
now it's a butterfly.

@56:47 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
do you understand? so it's not the same as the old. no, you're coming back. there's no coming back. there was there was cycles of these things happening of shading skin, which is part of the.
caterpillar's experience, but what you experiencing now is not caterpillar, this is now butterfly. and so, who you will be after this is not who you were before this.
it will take a different language, it will take a different skill-set, even though you've been prepared, there's a structure that was there that needs to be rearranged.
and so, need to go back to the space all the time and see if the space is there, if you will know that something is right, if the space is there.
and you understand what i'm saying about the space.
@57:44 - selika
groundless ground.

@57:49 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
groundless ground, yes, i like that. groundless ground. so, when you're on the groundless ground,

@58:01 - selika
you know, like another thing that happened to me, like the first time, like an awakening during my retreat in february, because i've been under divine intervention since last fall.
things kept coming at me and people were like, move, like it's time, there's no time to waste anymore. it's time, it's time.
and then after that, after my crying and the email to you, i cried. i think when you wrote me, you're in the cocoon.
and i was like, and i cried of joy with my plants, who was being my friends, they, you know, like with the leaves like this, they were holding me.
and i have, and i had this like, and then there was the new born in taurus and all of that and i had this huge sense of like i know i call it coming back to the mother you know i don't even don't even 
know what i'm saying but it's these are the words coming home like i'm coming back to the mother and i see my terrestrial parents i love them with my heart and i moved every time i think about 
them because i've been so fortunate you know they love me so much but at the same time i don't i know i don't belong to them i am belong to the mother but also belong to the father the father 
who i represent i represent the father but the mother the mother i talking about the mother and the father i understand

@1:00:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes, i understand. but it's the father that speaks of structure. mother nurtures. the father always speaks of structure. the jewish word for god is yod hay vav hay.
now, the letters, i will send you a picture of it, but the letters literally mean father, mother, son, daughter.
 i'll share the picture with you quickly.

@1:00:35 - selika
yes.

@1:00:36 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
because then, otherwise, you won't actually, i'll just quickly write it. can you see that?

@1:01:10 - selika
no. no. it's all blurry.

@1:01:14 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
oh, blurry.

@1:01:16 - selika
yeah. well, you read it in the chat. i know it's there.

@1:01:21 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it's a symbol. it's symbols. but basically what's up? yes. yes. yes.

@1:01:31 - selika
yes. yes. i kept, you know, like i realised how many time i kept speaking to myself and i wasn't listening.
oh, beautiful.

@1:01:58 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
okay. so the first letter. at the top is called a yod. there's various meanings to the letters as well, but we'll not go into that.
but if you look at the letters carefully, you will notice that it's a head, two arms, a spine, and two legs.
so the yod is the father, the two arms is the mother, the spine is the son, and the two legs is the mother is the daughter.
now in kabbalah, you will realise that that also means that the father is god, the two arms is the pillars, the son is the middle pillar, and the earth is the daughter.
so the son is the father's representation on the earth and brings structure to the earth. because the masculine represents structure, the feminine represents chaos, but you cannot have
life without both. you need chaos. life is chaotic. but it is infused with structure.

@1:03:10 - selika
order.

@1:03:12 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
with order, yes. so you need both masculine and feminine energies in order for life to be. so the living force is a psychosexual spiritual energy.
and this is part of the teachings that i am doing in the inner alchemist. this is the stuff that i teach on the inner alchemist.
the alchemy of being. will you combine upper and lower, divine and base, sublime and mundane, your energy with your spiritual energy, your higher self with your lower self, the christ with
the person. what is happening now is, this is a new earth. you are entering a new earth, and therefore you need to be a new person.
something that has not existed before. in your earth, there was never a butterfly before. this is the process that you are going through.
and it requires you to be present not only in the present but present with the christ and present with you.
so the temptation will always be the same, always the same temptation to deny the christ, to break things apart.
to break things apart and to make things confusing. that will always be the same temptation.

@1:05:10 - selika
yes, that's why i feel like i feel my friend, for example, kept giving me some manifestation thing which i hate for some reason, i hate them.
you manifest, i just follow my message. i just write down the messages that i received, the visions that i have, but it's not about me wanting anything in particular.
don't, know why should i want something? like, i don't know what's best for me. it will come, right? so it kept, it keeps sending me these things and i'm like, i don't need this.
that's how people do stuff, but it's not for me. and, and i'm listening to that, even if my, my,
friend is that you may need this, you may not know this, you may find something here because more knowledge, more knowledge.
i'm not known because that's the apple. right?

@1:06:13 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
exactly. that's the apple. and remember the apple gets given to eve first, emotion first, the apple activates the emotions and then the emotions tells the logic and the logic makes the law, if the logic submits to the emotions, it will find an excuse to why it did it.
it will justify why it followed the emotions. and that's what happens. we confuse things because we justifying our actions.
and so there's two different things that happen. there's guilt and there's shame. shame basically says, i am a bad person.
guilt says i did something wrong. guilt is not a bad person. i think shame is, and so the rebellion that you show is not necessarily bad, it's a good thing if it is in reaction, if it is rebellion towards not being you, not, if it's in rebellion towards not denying the self, not denying the christ.
does it make sense what i'm saying about the christ? there's not a religious thing at all, this is, this is, i could say osiris or hercules or whatever, i could say the buddha, really does not matter, the point is the christ is the one that, that, it's not jesus, it's not jesus, it's the christ, and it's not the religion, it's the spiritual aspect of this.
remember, this is the challenging part, people think that jesus was a holy man, he was not. it says they said things about him like he drank wine and spent time with prostitutes.
what does that mean in the actual fact? what does that mean if you think about it? it means he got drunk and he had sex.
so the jesus that everybody talks about is not the jesus that you experience. and the spiritual and the christ person that you experience is not, is very much far removed from the picture perfect idea of a man that walked the earth.
because if you think about it carefully, you are that christ. and i show up as christ to you.

@1:08:57 - selika
we all are, yeah.

@1:08:59 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
exactly. as i said, you know, what i said, i want you to try to get that.

@1:09:03 - selika
oh, yeah, yeah. no, it's very clear. like, that's very clear. like, i can see, i can see it. and honestly, also my zen master, all the people i meet, like, you know, like you and them.

@1:09:15 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it's something interesting, i'm sorry.

@1:09:17 - selika
no tell me something.
no, no, tell me.
@1:09:18 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
there is something interesting with your zen master?

@1:09:22 - selika
yeah. there is a connection for something or?

@1:09:29 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i'm actually feeling the opposite. think that the there's something that's, that's, that's almost not right there.

@1:09:37 - selika
oh, i have one older one, one younger one, which one?

@1:09:42 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i think it might be the younger one.

@1:09:44 - selika
okay.

@1:09:46 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
but i don't know, you need to, you need to. it's possible.

@1:09:51 - selika
it's not what were you picking up on?

@1:09:56 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
like, what's the sense? somehow the dynamic is
um blurry there's no clarity and so again we come back to the space the space is clear there's always clarity in the space the ground the groundless ground there's always clarity
@1:10:00 - selika
right i think it's blurry because it's also a guy that is my age and i may kind of like and i don't know maybe that's the confusion 
yes it could be it could be 
and i don't know about him but for sure like we do have a connection because i dreamt him that he was healing me it was a very very specific lucid dream and i dreamt a very specific scenario and 
i am not in touch with him much like uh really not and i hadn't talked to him for months when i had the dream and then he texted me then he never that never that the master never reached out to
to you, you always reach out to them.
@1:11:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes, yes.

@1:11:03 - selika
but it was like everything. okay, my intuition says to say, says to say hello, like i popped up in his unconscious and he pulls this intuition.
and i'm like, i'm, i'm good, but a couple of nights ago. i had this dream about you. i think that's what you're feeling.
yeah, you talked about it. and it's like, this is so weird, because this is exactly what i'm doing the healing that i'm working on.
i live in a farm with animals and children, which is what i saw in the dream, not knowing any of that.
so it's like, oh, there's a heart to heart connection. and i know there is. and i think we'll end up like working together.
i don't think together romantically, because it's backed up romantically.

@1:11:45 - selika
it's a guy. i don't wish that upon myself. but working together on some project, that's my feeling. yeah. but i'm waiting for him to i may go to portugal.
and that's also where i think of moving too, but i may go for like a week this summer to visit some other friends and maybe i'll see him there, but otherwise i'm waiting for something for him to show up in some ways or invite him in.

@1:12:19 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
okay, so you are looking for clarity.

@1:12:21 - selika
no, that's fine. that's perfect. yeah.

@1:12:23 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yeah.

@1:12:25 - selika
what do you feel about this?

@1:12:28 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
that's the thing of you working together makes much more sense than a romantic thing, but i feel that there was there was a bit of confusion happening.

@1:12:39 - selika
yeah. yeah.

@1:12:42 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and maybe more on his side than on your side, but i'd still they still felt like there was confusion.
and so in terms of you actually verbalising this means that there is clarity and that you will follow the clarity when it comes.

@1:12:58 - selika
yeah.

@1:13:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
because again it's that space. the space is always clear.

@1:13:04 - selika
because i think i know that i'm gonna work with him and he doesn't know yet and i think he may not be clear about it and he needs to be clear about it then we can meet.
yes. because i think he keeps thinking about me or feeling me around his space and he doesn't know why maybe he's confusing that with like us you know be romantically involved or something and i think he has to understand that we may work together.

@1:13:34 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
tell me something have you been itching lately?

@1:13:38 - selika
itching ah yeah oh the head oh my god yes they have everywhere yeah why what is it it's part of the thing the neck yes they
he doesn't hear a lot. oh, really? that's why sometimes i feel like a monkey when i talk into my clients and i'm like, ah, it's interesting.

@1:14:09 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it's also interesting that it's usually when you're talking to other people and when you're in the ground, the groundless ground, when that space is there, you feel itchy.

@1:14:19 - selika
yeah, yeah. i'm tingling. is it?

@1:14:29 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
how do you feel now?

@1:14:33 - selika
excited? clueless? really free. i also like, just don't have a routine anymore. i used to have a morning routine, yoga and meditation.
do whatever the hell i want. like, i want to dance, i dance. want to sit, i sit. i want to do yoga, i do yoga.
i don't want to do anything and just sit on my couch and looking at the tree outside my my balcony
@1:15:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i do that like now my business partner jock got me to do to start doing this as well. and this is what the space requires, and this is what time is. you have three things to do a day okay.
and one of them is nothing. okay the first the first priority is your first is your most important priority. in other words whatever is most important for you to do based on your three month plan.
and all that that needs to happen first in your day. like for example this morning i put like i looked at the time for my calendar for my website. for my projects first thing in the morning. before any other work.
like that yeah exactly so if. i'll put it in another way. if it's rent
if you need to have rent by the end of the month, ranked as your number one. the number two is gaining new clients.
and number three is doing nothing.

@1:16:12 - selika
okay, i thought about doing nothing. no.

@1:16:16 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
so doing nothing is last. after you've done number one and number two, you do nothing. so you don't have an endless list to do list.
that actually is part of the doing nothing. because you get things done while you're doing nothing, but you're not focused on a to-do list.
you focus on your number one priority, whatever that may be, then your number two priority, whatever that may be, once you've completed them, you do nothing.
and if that means taking a sit down, having a nap, reading a book, that's what you do. but do nothing, but you also do other things
so, do not anchor this in time. you anchor this when, for instance, i wake up in the morning to take, to take my, sister and to take her children to school.

@1:17:13 - selika
how many children do you again?

@1:17:15 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
no, no, just no, it's my sisters, it's my, my friends, little boy, but she's my sister. so, i have to wake up in the morning so that i can take them to school.
so, i take them to school, and then we come back and we have coffee together. and then my day is basically free, but i then link her leaving to doing something else that is part of my first priority.
once i've done that, i sit down and i perhaps smoke a pipe or have a cup of coffee again.
and once my coffee is finished, i do my second priority. i don't do this according to time. i don't do this towards, according to a watch or alarms any longer.
because that's not real time. my body tells me, oh, hold on second, now you need to go to the toilet.
great. you can't put that to the clock. exactly. so i wait for certain things to do other things. so that i give nature and reality and life the opportunity to bring structure to the disorder, to bring order to the chaos.
because life is chaotic. but i allow it to be chaotic.

@1:18:33 - selika
yeah. i like it.

@1:18:38 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
so you come back to the discomfort of the present moment. the present moment is always uncomfortable. always.

@1:18:47 - selika
like i think like i experienced this morning, oh, i could do laundry laundry in the basement on the fourth floor it's a workout.
mean, going up and down. it's, uh,
work out when i had to do laundry and so i'm like i really have to do laundry right i mean at some point and then i and i'm like i could do it today because i'm going swimming so i bring it down then i bring it up and i'm like but i don't want it i don't feel like it so i'm not gonna do it
@1:19:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
exactly but the funny thing is when you actually get to get down to doing it you meet the right person at the laundry yeah 
but when you speak to them and you speak to them that's going to tell you something that's so on point that actually brings more healing for them and you and it's a symbiotic relationship 
life that's exactly how the spirit moves the christ for now for now you're in a cocoon and be there 

@1:18:47 - selika 
so what do i yeah i keep doing this for the
i've just keep doing this. for now, stay in the cocoon. in other words, do nothing more than anything else.
@1:19:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
so do then make sure that you do your nothing. because part of the cocoon is a waiting period. that you don't know what to do.
it's an in-between stage. the caterpillar that you were when you spoke to me the first time. you know that.

@1:20:35 - selika
yeah. i got a tambourine now.

@1:20:39 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
exactly. so what you can do is now go and say a week ago. today, what is today different than yesterday?
today a week ago, what's the difference two weeks ago?

@1:20:51 - selika
yes, i know. it goes so fast.

@1:20:52 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
exactly. and it's important that you actually write this down. do you know why? big. was this is going to sound strange, but the holistic self integration that happened with me with my partner 
jock is happening with you, with me, with me as the initiator, but you will have to initiate someone else. this is going to sound strange, but you are going to make disciples.

@1:21:20 - selika
yeah, i know.

@1:21:27 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and so you need to go through this process first to be able to do that. and in order to do that, you need to make a note of what has actually happened, because what has happened is so so strange, number one, so different, number two, so yeah, different is the best way of and so weird, the word weird, weird, weird,
it literally means spiritual but it is so weird and it is real that you have to anchor it to something that is happening in reality.
something that someone can say, "oh, i see", so writing it down, even if you write it down in a journal means somebody else can look at it and say, "oh, that's interesting".
this is not a fantasy, you're not experiencing something as a mental fabrication. this is a real experience that you're having, does that make sense?
and so you need to anchor this in something real like writing it out in a journal and seeing the process through.
because there is a certain amount of time that is required. i haven't, i have a suspicion, but i'm not going to say it because it's usually, i don't want to say it.
i will tell you the time when i will correlate it with you and with others. but the time is not now
it is specific and non-specific because the butterfly emerges from the cocoon based on the season and the weather and the moon's placement in that.
so there's a few factors that are not clear yet, so i cannot tell you it's going to be 40 days because that's not true.
what is true is at the right time, in other words at the right moment, which is not related to time, the butterfly will emerge.
but that is in a different season and a different moment. but the season is caught up in the moment.

@1:23:52 - selika
i think that i will know.

@1:23:55 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes you will.

@1:23:56 - selika
i feel like drawing the butterfly in my drawing. like there are two words, no, three, in my mind, and i know it's not obviously now, but i know i will know like the transformation is complete.
and it's kind of a robotic thing like, you know, it's funny, like, the funny thing is, it will happen.

@1:24:26 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it will happen when you least expect it, and you will probably only realise the day after. oh my god, but i'm the butterfly now, because it's going to be so natural.

@1:24:38 - selika
yeah. my god, like, sorry, but this, this, my is a master. like, he obviously went through it. that's why i'm so attracted to him, because he is the butterfly.
and he drinks, smokes, swears, like, he does the world like everything he does. so i'm, i think i understand that it couldn't, that this couldn't happen with him.
no, no, because i would project on him my my journey, you know, like i felt like, oh, i want to, you know how many times i want to share with him how i'm feeling where i'm going and i'm like, no, selika, no, you're going to disempower yourself like that, because you want his approval.

@1:25:28 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
here's the thing. you need to write it though, but write it to him, you know, let me put it to you this way.
i write these things out as well. i actually put it down, but in a letter to rocco. so who is that person that has passed away for you that you can write a letter to every day?
your guardian, if you want to put it that way.

@1:25:51 - selika
i journal, i journal every day, so journaling is nice, but you actually want to tell someone. yeah, i want that.

@1:26:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
no, not just journaling because the diary that's dead, but actually when you want to tell someone 
@1:25:51 - selika 
i tell my friends like i have a couple of friends assemble it's not to them about everything. i'm experiencing.
@1:26:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
good good it's good it, that can work. that can work. but a third one in terms of the diary it terms of the journaling because the journal contains more than what you tell your friends 
@1:25:51 - selika 
yeah, 
@1:26:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
so when you so in the journaling try and write to your grandmother or to somebody that has passed away that you still want to talk to
does that make sense?
@1:25:51 - selika 
yeah well, they were not they were not very spiritual types.
@1:26:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
no, that's not the point that's not the point, but it's somebody that you want to tell something to 
@1:25:51 - selika 
well that might be my zen master i want to tell you that stuff to because i think you will understand.
@1:26:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
that's great. then just address the email and instead of sending it. exactly.  address it to him, say, dear zen master, and write it out.
you don't have to send it to him because all you want to do is tell him. and so like that, you tell him, but it gives you clarity and someone to tell, that's what you need.
you need to tell someone, and you need to tell him, but make that your diary. so what i do is i write to rocco every day.
so all of these experiences, i'm writing to rocco. so i say, and i tell him what's happened. i tell him what my day was like, and what had happened, and all these interesting things.
how i feel about him, how i'm feeling about this, how i'm, but i'm telling all of these things. and, but he's not here, if you understand what i'm saying, he's gone already.
so it doesn't, it doesn't matter to him, it matters to me. and so the same thing with your zen master, he doesn't need to read it because it's not
about him and he is actually not involved. it's only in your mind that he's involved. so address it to him.
okay. so from now on your diary is called zen master.

@1:28:16 - selika
let us do that.

@1:28:17 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes. exactly. so you say dear zen master, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, always put a date with it. it's important.

@1:28:26 - selika
yeah. always. yeah. yeah.

@1:28:31 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
does that help.

@1:28:33 - selika
yeah. yeah. helps because problems when i was also like trying to describe the work i do with people and so on is that i go through all these things, but i cannot describe the process.
i'm like, i don't know what happened. i don't know. i got here like i have no idea. so that that will that will help.

@1:28:55 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes. so now the same thing do exactly the same thing with what i've done with you. write out what had happened for you while you still experiencing it.
because whether you like it or not, this is the work that is required that you will need to do with other people.
because anything else, and this is what i'm meant to say with, you cannot not afford not to do this, anything else will not be real.
because this is real. do you agree?

@1:29:32 - selika
i agree. totally. anything else doesn't make sense and this makes sense.

@1:29:38 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and even if you speak, i mean, i don't know what you do with annette, but i mean, that's what i do.
don't know what you talk to an annette about, but this is different to that, right?

@1:29:51 - selika
yes, yes. i mean, it's not like it, she doesn't do what you do.

@1:29:56 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
but even the other people that you talk to, that other counselors or coaches or everything like that is generic, if that makes sense.

@1:30:06 - selika
well, it depends, like i have like this with a woman in italy, she works like with archangels and stuff and she told me very specific things to me, like she saw us in, we did the blessing of the womb, you 
know, of me, like covered in dirt, like vomiting, black goo, and then all the women wanted to help me.
i didn't want their help because i needed to do that thing. and i think it's actually, it happened in mexico.
i got food poisoning and i vomited black mushrooms, sorry, that's kind of gross, but, and i loved it. like, it felt horrible, obviously, but after it everything was different.
i knew and like another psychic she told me you're gonna go to mexico for a reason and was the birthday of my friend the reason and i had to get the food poisoning, i had to vomit everything out to be a different one.

@1:31:18 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
but do you see how the interaction with us now, that you and i are having is also different to the interactions we've had before.

@1:31:26 - selika
yes.

@1:31:28 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
that what we're talking about now is real and specific to you being who you are.

@1:31:36 - selika
yeah. yeah.

@1:31:44 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
because this is the way. and so you will never be able to go back to the way you used to do it before.
even with your clients. because anything other than them being free from the want of wanting will be a waste of time and will perpetuate the suffering.

@1:32:14 - selika
now say that again.

@1:32:17 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and what i'm saying is that anything else that you do with your clients that does not take away the want of wanting.
will perpetuate the pain.

@1:32:30 - selika
oh yeah, i know.

@1:32:32 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and so now you are being forced. because your heart is that of a healer. you have to do this with them.
and so that's why you need to complete the process. let's be honest. you can jump. out if you want to but, yes you actually. you can't you can't

@1:33:00 - selika
i would die 
@1:32:32 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
you would die exactly you would die 
@1:33:00 - selika 
i would die no no no like i'm having like a shivers no like it's unthinkable like you know i don't know what like obvious 
@1:32:32 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
and yet you and yet you cannot explain what is happening in this dynamic it doesn't make sense and yet you know that something is happening 
@1:33:00 - selika 
well to me it makes sense i don't have i is not like logical 
@1:32:32 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
it's not logical 
logic but it's not logical that's the point 
@1:33:00 - selika 
oh no what's not no no no but i released logic since a while now
yeah. i don't care about logic. and i liberate my clients from logic. and that's one thing i think that my client told me, my favorite clients, there's a reason why she's my favorite, we're growing together.
and she's doing a very different thing than me, right? crazy hours, being a ceo in six months, but that's good for her.
that's her part. she needs to do that in order to do what i already see her doing afterwards. and she's like, i feel, i was doubting myself.
and now i feel unstoppable. and that's how i think i will feel unstoppable, like fearless, really fearless, unstoppable, because it's fearless, not because you are like, and so now i'm helping her, for example, to ground herself in a new way of doing things.
so she doesn't become a copy of the past. with all this power, how are you going to use it now?
@1:32:32 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
right? you got the power, now what?

@1:35:13 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
what i mean by not logical, it doesn't make sense. it's not logical, because it's very important to differentiate between the word logical and nonsense, because logic is required, but it's nonsensical.
it's a bit of nonsense. do you understand what i'm saying? it's nonsense that you are a cocoon, a butterfly from a caterpillar.
it's nonsense that you understand what i'm saying.

@1:35:41 - selika
what it is the only sense?

@1:35:42 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it's the only sense that makes sense.

@1:35:45 - selika
is this according to the inner knowing? yes.

@1:35:49 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
just know. exactly. but they need to be more than that.

@1:35:54 - selika
yeah.

@1:35:55 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
there needs to be logic as well.

@1:35:58 - selika
okay.

@1:36:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
do you understand?

@1:36:02 - selika
there needs to be logic to do what?

@1:36:04 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
there needs to be not logic with the knowing.

@1:36:08 - selika
not logic with the knowing.

@1:36:10 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
no, there needs to be in logic with the knowing. it can be nonsense, but there needs to be logic with the knowing.

@1:36:21 - selika
yeah.

@1:36:23 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
if you look at it, it needs to be able to be verified.

@1:36:31 - selika
ah, you're talking about why i have to write down and all that stuff.

@1:36:36 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes. so that there is not just a mental exercise or a fantasy, but it is something that actually approaches. yes.
it needs to be anchored in experience, which is logical. although it's nonsensical.

@1:36:56 - selika
more than logical, would say it's real.

@1:37:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes, yes, yes.

@1:37:05 - selika
yeah, that's what makes it real, the experience. yes. of the buddha, right? logic. what the hell is doing this guy sitting forever under a tree?

@1:37:15 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and then he would hold up a finger. and that would be the lesson. but any body who was in the same space got the lesson.
and so it's a sharing of space.

@1:37:37 - selika
sharing of space, sharing space, yes.

@1:37:42 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
the groundless ground, the now, the moment.

@1:37:46 - selika
and that's what we were talking yesterday with annette. she's like, nothing in your site is selling. and that's the way it has to be.
and who understands your language? and i know that's true, and that's how i want it, that's how it feels true to real and that's how it feels in integrity for me.
they will recognise it, right, the people that are ready to do that kind of work. and i will be able to guide them further and further as i go further and further.

@1:38:30 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
because it's learn and teach.

@1:38:33 - selika
learn and teach, learn and teach.

@1:38:35 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
but for the first time in your life, you're learning something new that you haven't learned before. and this is exactly what needs to be taught and learned.

@1:38:46 - selika
yes.

@1:38:49 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
because truthfully, let's be honest. things that you've done before, although it was done with consciousness and all of that, was basically cookie cutter.
from something else that you learned, if that makes sense.

@1:39:03 - selika
i try to do it my way. this project is really different. it's not a cookie cutter for anything. and i think it's a symbol that i use my colours.
i use my photographs from my trips. it's on me, me the most spontaneous me. and i didn't edit my writing.
i spoke things that people may not understand, and i don't care.

@1:39:28 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
because it's esmeralda with her tambourine.

@1:39:31 - selika
yes. i know it's a little bit of quasimodo.

@1:39:36 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes.

@1:39:36 - selika
i've passed a lot of quasimodo, actually.

@1:39:39 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes.

@1:39:40 - selika
but it is afrozen. have you ever seen frozen?

@1:39:43 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes, i did.

@1:39:46 - selika
like for me, it's esmeralda. you see a frozen two? or just one?

@1:39:51 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
no, just one. yes, i understand, elsa.

@1:39:53 - selika
yes. the two. the two? it's me. like, there is this song. driving my playlist like let it go and the second 
@1:39:51 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
the second frozen us into the unknown that's the one you sent me to look at 
yes listen to it 
@1:39:51 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
i did 
@1:39:53 - selika 
ah, you did?
@1:39:51 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
yes 
@1:39:53 - selika 
isn't that amazing really the wisperer and the cartoon she she just like in the end she goes back into the forest and she's just riding this horse and she's living this real life and that's and that's it and she's with everyone and no one at the same time 
@1:39:51 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
exactly exactly 
@1:39:53 - selika 
oh i should write this out yeah everyone and no one at the same time this is the key see you yeah
@1:39:51 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com) 
that's why it's hard for a man to be with me, because i feel i'm never, i'm there and i'm never there at the same time.

@1:41:08 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
but you need a man, or more than one man, like that as well.

@1:41:14 - selika
how to find them, not easy.

@1:41:17 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
no, no, they will come to you.

@1:41:20 - selika
well, they're better. yeah, i just have to let go, you know, and have some fun with this, because it's gonna be a joyous ride.

@1:41:35 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it is already.

@1:41:36 - selika
it is already, of course.

@1:41:40 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and don't be surprised if you start picking up habits that are considered taboo by others.

@1:41:49 - selika
to what?

@1:41:50 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
taboo by others. to pick up habits. doing things that other people frown at, that think that's not the right thing to do.

@1:42:00 - selika
taboo?

@1:42:00 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
for you, it's right. like this the pipe, for me is right. but it's smoking. yet, for me, this is right. in herbal medicine, not all the herbs work for the same thing the same way, not all the herbs, 
i can use the same herb for a different person and it'll have a different result but because i know what the herbs can do.
and also, and what i do with the person is i basically experiment on them because their body says yes or no to the herbs.
so this will work, but it might not. and if it doesn't, i've got something else that does something different, but it will help because it's alive.

@1:42:46 - selika
yeah.

@1:42:47 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
life. life is dynamic. life is chaotic and life is unstoppable.

@1:42:55 - selika
i love it.

@1:43:09 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i hope it makes sense,
@1:43:15 - selika 
yes, yes, good.
i feel like i'm running, you know, when i run, i always loved. as a kid. if you get me running, i love it.

@1:43:25 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
but let me just bring this back into consciousness. i need to say this. do you notice how well you've been prepared for our conversations?
number one, you need to write that down, by the way. you need to write that down. because you were prepared for this conversation.
not by me, but by life.

@1:43:49 - selika
exactly. ah, this is what i wanted to tell you. when you said, i have time tomorrow friday, right? because i heard something about manifestation after that.
and you moon. i'm like, give a sign that you're ready to go. i needed to say, let's do tomorrow.
honestly, i didn't feel like tomorrow was the right thing. i feel like friday was the right thing because i needed more time.
but i'm like, all right, whatever. let's go for it. and then you said, let's do friday.

@1:44:18 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and i'm like, yeah, it didn't feel right for me either.

@1:44:20 - selika
oh, good. see?

@1:44:22 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
so it comes down to, again, the space and trusting your body because your body will tell you. itchy foot means this.
itchy hand means that. uncomfortable feeling here. what's his name there? all of these things mean things because your body's communicating to you.
part of all this is you have been prepared for this interaction and for the process that you're going through.
other than that, also, is that you notice that you're past that. the speed at which this is happening is extremely fast, where in the past you thought it would take forever. 
as you know even now you're thinking, "in the future" and the future can be literally next week.and there's a sense of that and that scares you to a degree.

@1:45:17 - selika
yeah, like at the beginning of this year or ending or last year i knew that this year would be like first three four months kind of slow kind of and then i'm like buckle up because you're on for a ride.
 and there will be no time to think just time to act and you gotta go for it and i know it's coming.

@1:45:48 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
that's why you need to be very clear on what's happening with you in this interaction because you need to trust the feeling in your body.
you need to be able to go back to the groundless ground. because even though there have been other teachers, this message didn't come from anyone else.

@1:46:09 - selika
this came from our interaction, which is unique.

@1:46:15 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
so you need to make note of the uniqueness of it, because it will manifest in your life uniquely too.
that is very important. the song that you sing, this is a bit metaphysical, but the song that you sing is yours uniquely.
but because other people hear it, they might sing it too. and they will be singing your unique song, but you need to know how unique your song is.
so that you can recognise it when others sing it, because here's the fascinating thing.
your tribe will be singing your song even though they don't know what it means and so then you would be able to explain the words to them i know this sounds really odd. there's a sound. 
very cryptic but you understand what i'm saying.
@1:47:00 - selika
yes and i'm telling you something this psychic a few years ago she told me you're gonna write a book it's like a parable is a children's book and she wasn't clear.
i'm like a book, what? now maybe i knew. i i had a sense of a book. i could have a vision but i have no idea about what turns out 
i write these stories and then my my friend her uncle is a writer who knows an editor for children's books. and i'm like i have these stories. and she helps me put them together write an introduction 
well now it could be a book. so i send the project to her to send to the editor
and she told me, you will write these stories, simple, very simple, like for children, but there is a deep spiritual message in them.
and people, and then you will be invited to explain, and people will be like, oh, that's what it means.
so they will read it to the children, not knowing what they're really saying, but they will say it, sing it, and then they will understand.
ah, that's what it means. yeah, that's what you're saying. so say, like, if it matches up, it's and it could be a physical song, because i write songs too.

@1:48:53 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it could be a physical song too. that's not the point, but it's the message.

@1:48:59 - selika
it's the message. and then they'll understand.

@1:49:05 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
there's an interesting scripture in the bible that says, sing a new song unto the lord.

@1:49:13 - selika
sing a new song unto the lord.

@1:49:17 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
because there's an aspect of this, i know this might also sound strange, i know i always say that, there's an aspect of this, it might sound strange, there was an experience that you had in the church, not necessarily with every mass.
but there was an experience that you had in the church, and not necessarily in the church, but it was something you experienced that you had with god, that was real.
but that the church couldn't even explain, or almost the church killed. killed is not where i'm putting it. but the experience that you had with god as a child was real.
and the thing is singing a new song to the lord, that's the thing, because the lord, you know, you know the lord.
whatever the lord means, you know them. and that's what you're coming home to.

@1:50:18 - selika
that's what i call the mother.

@1:50:21 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes.

@1:50:25 - selika
and i wrote that down, like i felt, i will never stop celebrating her. really, i had feeling of celebrating, like, just that alleluia, you know, kind of thing.

@1:50:43 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
that's the right word, exactly. hallelujah

@1:50:45 - selika
that's the right word.

@1:50:46 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and you know that the word yah, at the end, is that for yod, hey, van, hey, yah. alleluia, it's the same word.
hallelujah means to praise the name, to bless the name, in the yiddish it's baruch-hashem. i need you to always tell me if you understand or not, because this stuff is although it's simple, it's easy to misunderstand.
that's why it was important to have this conversation with you again about the first meeting, because there was confusion, because you didn't know what was happening, but you needed that for me to bring clarity.
you needed the confusion.

@1:52:00 - selika
no, it broke me down. i need those breakdown moments.

@1:52:05 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
but part of that breakdown was the grief for the life that you left behind. the caterpillar is dead.

@1:52:19 - selika
peace. oh, i can so see it all the time i shed my skin. and now that's different.

@1:52:35 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes. because there's a difference between shedding skin and going into a cocoon.

@1:52:44 - selika
and metamorphosis, yes.

@1:52:45 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes. because the same thing stays when the skin is shed. metamorphosis means something that has not existed before.

@1:52:58 - selika
exactly. and you know, like this fast, basically, i'm helping my system with my body to do it, because when you do up 17 hours or more, the system goes out of fasting, out of fasting.
so, yourselves are just eating what's not needed and purging it out.

@1:53:23 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
so, it's a... yes, what supplements are you taking at the moment?

@1:53:27 - selika
ah, not many. i'm just taking omega 3 for my vision, really helping from an eye game, algae. i'm taking always the salt,, and i don't know, i have a b12, and probiotics, women's probiotics.

@1:53:57 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
always a magnesium, gluconate
i'm going to send you a list of things that you need to start taking.

@1:54:00 - selika
okay.

@1:54:02 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it means that you need every day. okay. while you're in the states, i'm going to suggest, i'm going to send you the link for 10x health.

@1:54:11 - selika
okay.

@1:54:12 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
they do a genetic test to see what your genes, what supplements you really need that your body cannot manufacture for itself.
that is more important than any other supplementation that you might be taking, because with their test, you know exactly what to take for your body.

@1:54:37 - selika
okay.

@1:54:38 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
the test costs $600, but you only need to do it once in your life.

@1:54:44 - selika
maybe i could do it in italy, so...

@1:54:47 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you won't be able to do it unfortunately.

@1:54:50 - selika
genetic test, they do.

@1:54:51 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
no, no, so, this genetic test is only available through 10x health, and only available in the us.

@1:55:00 - selika
that's the problem.

@1:55:02 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
i can't wait for them to make it available for the rest of the world, because we can also do genetic tests, but they're not specific like this one is.
i'm working on a way of actually trying to circumvent it, but maybe perhaps save up every month $50 or $60 whatever, so that you can do it.
because although i might give you some things to take, that would be better than what i give you.
yeah, that's what i give you if you understand what i'm saying
@1:55:33 - selika
yes, i also like, you know, i'm experimenting again with between the fasting and changing my way of eating.
i think it's also really like helping my body create what it needs to create.

@1:55:48 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes, yes.

@1:55:49 - selika
so i don't know if i would need much more than that. like, i know like the food is pretty poor.
also, that's why i want to move. because that poison us here in the us.

@1:56:03 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes, they are. yes, they literally are

@1:56:05 - selika
and i want to go back to europe and eat everything.

@1:56:08 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
proper food, yes.

@1:56:10 - selika
honestly, yes. because i can feel it. it's not okay here.

@1:56:16 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes. the people in the u.s are really suffering. they're really suffering. and by the hand of their own government.

@1:56:25 - selika
exactly. exactly. so you feel that this moving thing that is coming up for me may be the right thing to do.

@1:56:34 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you will know exactly when, what, why and how.

@1:56:37 - selika
yeah. and when, yes.

@1:56:41 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes. but for now, be where you are. but always be where you are.

@1:56:50 - selika
yeah. thank you, eon. wow.

@1:56:58 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
great pleasure. i will speak to annette and find out how we're going to move forward, because although this is a good place to leave you, because now i can leave you for a while, because there's a process that you're going to be going through, that that's fine.
i can leave you for a while because the clarity has come, if that makes sense. there are other things that i need to teach you and mentor you in.
and i need to speak to annette and we need to figure out something for you.

@1:57:32 - selika
yeah. okay. i will be on the receiving end of the message.

@1:57:38 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
brilliant. awesome.

@1:57:42 - selika
oh my god, this is all so precious, thank you eon.

@1:57:45 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
great, great pleasure. and remember the ground, the groundless ground is the same space, taste and test everything there.

@1:57:55 - selika
yes. my life matters, i like it. in order to do that, i just have to remember to give myself some space because i'm always like too reactive when i start freaking out, i don't understand, i want to like things to happen, blah, blah, blah.

@1:58:15 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
what do you do? so when you know something is going on, make yourself a cup of tea.

@1:58:24 - selika
make myself a cup of tea, like an english granny.

@1:58:27 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yes, like an english granny.

@1:58:31 - selika
finally, i can be an english granny.

@1:58:36 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
whatever the  ritual is for you, use it, because it's for you to create space, to remember the space.

@1:58:45 - selika
remember the space, yes, i think tea is perfect. know, also tea, now that i think about it, was the zen practice of zen people, they would drink tea, there is no tea.

@1:58:57 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
now, i'm going to study.

@1:59:00 - selika
yes. gives me something to put in my mouth.

@1:59:02 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
so that's that too, but i'm going to suggest specific tea.

@1:59:06 - selika
okay.

@1:59:08 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yeah. rooibos.

@1:59:10 - selika
rooibos. so fun. it's a little acidic though.

@1:59:15 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it's very alkali. it's got no caffeine and it's an anti-histamine and anti-inflammatory.

@1:59:27 - selika
okay. ah, before i have to go, i have a session on this morning. this morning, this i wanted to tell you, like this morning when i was, i, first of all, in my 24 hour fast, i paid a lot of attention on my left side and right side, the grounding.
so i could feel it. i could feel the difference. i suffer of sciatica, right, on the right side, obviously.
but i think the fasting got better. got the inflamed. and i feel the better. the fasting, the healing helped without eating.
and this morning when i was meditating, i felt a lot of heat here in the ear and left brain.
and in my mind, for some reason, it said that he was healing the right part. yes?

@2:00:22 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
okay. the left brain works the right part, the right brain works the left part.

@2:00:26 - selika
and i felt a lot of heat for no reason just here.

@2:00:32 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
write that down. write it to the diary, but to the zen master. write your day. give a report of your day.

@2:00:48 - selika
yes, because now every day feels fresh. i don't have a routine. i'm not stuck in anything. so i don't know what's going to happen today.
i wake up and i don't know.

@2:00:59 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
yeah.

@2:01:00 - selika
but, you know, you have to get there, because first you, you build routines so you anchor yourself to something, then you talk to them, leave the anchor, and you'll think about it.

@2:01:13 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
learn the way so that you can forget the way, so that you can do the way.

@2:01:17 - selika
the way, you forget the way, you do the mind you of this. okay. so you can forget that.

@2:01:34 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
to remind you of the space.

@2:01:38 - selika
okay.

@2:01:41 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
okay.

@2:01:42 - selika
it's also pink, so it's pink.

@2:01:44 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
exactly. it's actually a beautiful orange color.

@2:01:50 - selika
orange.

@2:01:51 - eon joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
oh, yes. selika, thank you so much. you have a fantastic day. i will discuss things with annette. and we will come back to you and we will take it further from there but no we will talk again 
@2:01:50 - selika 
oh yes thank you
Dr Eon & Selika - June 07

VIEW RECORDING - 103 mins (No highlights)


@0:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
How are you?

@0:02 - Selika Cerofolini
I'm good, I'm good.

@0:04 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
You're looking so well.

@0:06 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, yeah, I feel very well. I was thinking about this this morning. I feel very well like physically and also like I think both the adrenaline and the go-go excitement but also little bit of stress is coming down and I feel better in this state.

@0:33 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
How did you sleep last night?

@0:35 - Selika Cerofolini
Good.

@0:38 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Good because since the last email that you sent me, has anything changed in your back and sensing?

@0:47 - Selika Cerofolini
Yes, like Thursday. I've been sleeping like I literally said to my friend yes today that I slept finally, well after months.
Ah, and it was, yes, there's, when's the end Thursday night?

@1:11 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Good.

@1:13 - Selika Cerofolini
Why do you know that? It looks like you slept well. That's a very interesting ring. Ah, excuse me.

@1:31 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, it's, what is it at the moon?

@1:35 - Selika Cerofolini
No, it's almost like a star.

@1:39 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
See, yes, yes.

@1:41 - Selika Cerofolini
It's kind of you know, kind of. Yes, it's beautiful. Yes, it's,

@2:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
kind of I've I got this deck of the star seed oracle deck and I don't know I feel very connected to all these star astral traveling cedar all star seed kind of world and yeah okay so okay cool when we last spoke yeah which is two weeks ago almost three weeks ago a lot of and I'm asking there's been a lot of upheaval in your life since since then until Thursday roundabout when did you see me that email again take me check because I've got it here
You said it on the third June.

@3:03 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@3:04 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
When was the third?

@3:06 - Selika Cerofolini
Reflection.

@3:07 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
know. I'm losing it. third was Monday. It was Monday.

@3:17 - Selika Cerofolini
I sent all the emails for my website on Saturday that June 1st. Okay. Yeah. And then Monday I had like the.

@3:28 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes.

@3:30 - Selika Cerofolini
Part depression.

@3:31 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes. Okay.

@3:37 - Selika Cerofolini
Which. Which is okay. But. You know, like you build up with that build up and then it kind of drops.
The adrenaline obviously or the stress as well. And then you're like, all right. Now. God this, you know, now what?
I have to, and on one hand, I felt like I had this thing like, like a baby, like now it's like, like a octopus getting on me and it's not, you know, it's not going to move without me, not going to survive without me, not, I have to nurture it or or nothing, there's not going to do anything by itself.
So I guess, I guess for me was the realization of the responsibility that I have now for this new creature, but like, constitutionally, I, I'm more of a performer kind of person, so I build up
up in Dr. Form, and then go backstage, bye everyone, going back into the dark. I'll see you in the next performance.
Like, that's the ideal life for me.

@5:11 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, and it's good that you know your own rhythm because that's a very, very important thing because things go out and they come back in again and that's important to know that you are able to do that.
And so the highs and the lows go together. The challenge is getting so focused on the low that you forget that it's just part of the cycle.

@5:35 - Selika Cerofolini
Right.

@5:37 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And that seems to be, that seems to be recurring theme with you. Yes. If you get that there's an up again, because I like to see it, I like to see it, the waves crash, but they come back again and they crash again.
It's a, it's part of the cycle. The challenge is we get stuck in the, in the crashing part of the thing.
Oh my god, It's completely done. It's over completed.

@6:05 - Selika Cerofolini
Yes, yes, yes. That's how I perceive it. Okay, now everything is lost. It's done. Now I didn't have any energy.
What am I going to do?

@6:15 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Now all hell is breaking loose and I'm going to die and the world's going to going to lose your bag.
Yes.

@6:21 - Selika Cerofolini
Yes.

@6:23 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And so I suppose what would be a good idea would be to literally write this to the court for yourself saying waves, waves crash and go back in again.

@6:37 - Selika Cerofolini
I'm going to the beach tomorrow. So I'm going to fix that image. love the ocean. So I know waves.
after that first moment of, oh my God, what's happening? I come down. Okay, you know, that's how it is.
So now rest, because evidently you need to rest now, and lower the engine, and then as I relaxed, like in the next couple of days, I relax, I didn't have to do anything, you don't have to post if you don't have anything to say easy.
Like, it's just your friends following for now, also, no pressure. So I relaxed, and I got ideas, and I wrote them down, and then I wrote something else.
I wrote an article, and I posted something, but really paced. And I think a little bit that down was also like that I, you know, I sent some emails and I sent you to my Zen master, the young one, and the older one, and they didn't say anything
anything and I was like a little bummed. Yeah, because I do value their opinion, especially the young one. I also told him that I would go to Portugal in the summer that would be nice to meet in person, you know, from coffee or something.
And maybe they will reply. mean, it's been just not even a week and people with emails, they can take their time.
But maybe they will not. It's like completely possible they will ever do it. and so I don't know, like, you know, I'm asking myself, I build all these ideas in my mind or expectations or yeah, like what, you know, like, or I feel an affinity and and then things don't happen.
And there is also this thing with me that my teachers never stay. Like, I find somebody and then they leave.
Or like, I never had like a guide throughout things, but maybe it's me. Maybe I.

@9:12 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It could be. And if you look back at your life, is that true? Is that not true?

@9:21 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@9:22 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
it sometimes we disengage when we actually, when we think, when things get really tough and when it gets really interesting, we disengage.

@9:37 - Selika Cerofolini
But for example, like with my young Zen master, he decided to take a Hiatos, right? It's going to just do his thing for a couple of years.
And so like, it's not me, not what you have. these happens over and over and over in my life.
I arrive, when I arrive somewhere in where the thing is either transforming, people are, they've been there forever, are living, or the thing is closing down, like, it's, it's, okay, it ends, it ends.
I find myself in the situation a lot. I arrive in a place, feeling that you will, and things, and things change.
Maybe it's for everybody like that.

@10:25 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Let tell you a story quickly. Something that I've, that I've gone through personally, very recently, and maybe this might be something that is part of what you're struggling with as well.
I recently moved. Yeah, right. I remember I told you. And part of the move was, it was really, really interesting because it was the first time that I actually let go of
stuff that I was actually supposed to let go of a year or so ago already when I first moved to the Cape.
Anyway, it comes down to there was a can of peaches, well not a can of a canned peaches in a bottle.
Now, I'm particularly fond of peaches, I'm particularly fond of canned peaches, really fond of canned peaches. so, when I met my husband, this bottle of canned peaches was in the fridge.
And I immediately thought, oh great, I'd like to taste it because they were dark already, were almost black. And I said, we're not opening that.
And he says, no, that was grandma's peaches. And I said, okay, but we're not going to open it. He says, no, that's grandma's peaches.
And the funny thing is, every time I open the fridge, there's grandma's peaches and I'm thinking, so badly want to taste those peaches.
I so badly want to taste those For 16 years, I so badly want to taste those peaches. Anyway, so I moved from Joburg to the Cape and in the car came with grandma's peaches.
And it stayed in the cupboard for this whole year until this weekend when my friend, Jock, helped me move and he took this bottle of peaches and says, is this?
I said, that's grandma's peaches and says, well, I'm throwing it away. I said, no, you can't, it's grandma's peaches.
And he says, I'm throwing it away. I said, OK, and I left it at that and carried on with the rest of the day.
But one o'clock the next morning, I woke up and thought to myself. Because I threw the bag away in the dustbin.
I literally had the bag and put it in the dustbin. I left the bag and woke up and I just off to one and I was lying there thinking, you know what, if I go back?
I know where the bag is I can go in and I can grab that cat that bottle of canned peaches and i can taste it for the first time in my life.
And we start talking about it and it really became ridiculous because then i suddenly realized i'm willing to go back into a dustman.
To fetch out something that wasn't even mine that probably doesn't even taste like peaches anymore. And was left over from some other generation.
And once i saw that that it really was a ridiculous it was a ridiculous holding onto something that's not mine that wasn't mine to begin with at all i just carried it along with me for years.
I let it go. And now i don't i'm not that fond of peaches. anymore but mayo but not I might actually try peaches again but the point being is that so many times we can hold onto something that is a generational thing that we've been holding onto for years and years and years and years and years and we just don't want to let go.
Because part of it is that wanting wanting to experience it wanting to have the taste of it but also part of it saying that it's not mine it's it's it's I'm not allowed to or the the aspect of it that is forbidden in a sense what is it what would you say forbidden forbidden in a sense and so in what way are you holding onto peaches

@15:07 - Selika Cerofolini
What are my peaches?

@15:12 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Peaches are really interesting because peaches also have a aspect. Peaches are, you know what I'm talking about, and so there is that, but that is part of the creative energy.
What about the creative energy is being locked away for me that I'm carrying from other generations that is not mine that I can just let go of?

@15:49 - Selika Cerofolini
I, I think I have this, this kind of like, reverence. I, I, and for authority, not reverence, but I wrote today even about power, right?
I realized that I find it, but I also am submissive to it and I told it like a person almost in a passive aggressive sort of way.

@16:39 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yeah, I you rebel on the one hand and you submit in the other.

@16:46 - Selika Cerofolini
So yeah, because and I think it really makes sense with with these past lives that this person told me about where I was always like, you know, like my family sold me
or like I escaped and I tried to escape always escaping from and to try to be free and do whatever I wanted to do live in my life.
And I was trapped over and over again in different ways and made obey somebody and like and and beaten and all of that.
So it's been a lot of that and then she said the third life I became a nun which makes a lot of sense for me because the the monastery life or like when I'm on a retreat I'm completely at home like I like I know that very well it's very easy for me to sleep into it silence and all of that I feel really at home.
But this thing about submission and also like and and being beaten up and being trapped and also like being trapped through children.
that I didn't want and the fact that I'm not I'm so maternal and I don't have any children like it's so odd in my life I always thought I for sure like you know yeah I want a children's I'm very young and I mean I create the children of the revolution and and so I I think what but and what were you feeling trapped by by that children of the revolution well then I have the responsibility of it and you know like a funny thing so I think I touched something or maybe yesterday was a super weird day or my clients cancelled like super weird like what's what's what's happening but I just roll with it I did other things and but my side crashed disappeared I had touched something so it may have been my fault but
and now it works so maybe it was something else and when it crashed i was like oh but then i was also like so interesting what does that mean this is so curious because i find i try to find meaning in things and then third was like oh well maybe it's gone maybe i don't have to do any of that and i'm pretty again yeah so how did that feel i feel like it felt like honestly if i have to be very honest like when i look at my work i really love it but it doesn't feel so it doesn't feel like i mean if it's there it's great i'm gonna i'm doing this thing now but if i'm doing another thing it's also okay like i'm not i don't feel like
Yeah, I don't know. It's not that I'm not going to continue, but it doesn't feel like it's the real thing.
Like it's living between them.

@20:14 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes. I'm not sure what you're feeling at the moment is still part of being in the cocoon.

@20:21 - Selika Cerofolini
I don't know. I hope you told me.

@20:26 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It's me to tell you, okay, tell me something to the, are you feeling very, you said you're feeling very uncertain at the moment.

@20:42 - Selika Cerofolini
So, let's say this, I'm feeling very certain about something that also scares, which is as it's a feeling of power and a feeling of like expansion, huge.

@21:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
huge, huge feeling of expansion, like really big, like, I don't know if I told you, but I wrote these stories for children and I'm a book, right?

@21:10 - Selika Cerofolini
I want them to become a book, like I'm really serious about that, like that's even like, that excites me a lot, right?
I'm writing, and I'm working with this writer that is like 83, 83 year old now, so it's like guiding me a little bit on how to create a project to present to an editor, and yesterday he wrote me because I asked for more, you know, information details how things work because I have no idea in the publishing world, and because he said like absolutely potential, this can totally be a writer and this can totally be like a little artwork, like, know, and but he told me about how that works and it's like, you know, you can publish it yourself and then give it to friends and friends,
familiar with an editor but at the first time around you have to guarantee a certain number of copies so you have to invest and buy a certain number of copies and then if everything goes well the second time they will do it for you and you make a little profit all these little little friends and family leaders well it's like when my singing teacher is like now you can you know when you go when you sing a karaoke i'm gonna sing a karaoke it's give my book to my mom like yes but i don't want to make a little profit like all these things just i'm just uh no that's not do you do you you see me and then i'm like selga do you you're who are you right but i have this this feeling of like no no no no no if it has to be something like this i'm not doing it it has to be big it has to go big any
can, I feel that it can and it would bring more. So I have that this feeling of expansion based on my feeling.
So that thing, I'm like, you know, like, I don't know, the world is just big is just expansion and big and, and, and known, you know, but not, I don't want to be known because of selfless thing, like a selfish thing and, and, and like, oh, So I can tell my friends that I'm, it's not about that.
It's about, I don't know, I guess, having influence in the world or making a, facilitating a shift and, like, having some impact.
I don't know, even if impact is the right word, but anyway, I don't know, I just feel it's like that.
It's that, that's how it makes sense.

@24:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And you do realize that big oak trees come from small acres, Yeah. And so things have to start small.

@24:12 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@24:14 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
In order to start, they have to start small. Yeah. with one, and then it becomes two, and then it becomes four, and then it becomes eight, and then it becomes 16, and then it becomes...
So it has to start some one. I'm going to put you in contact with a friend of mine called Alex, Alex Morin.
He's a publishing coach. Hmm. But I'll send you his details, and I'll talk to him as well and put you guys in contact with one another.
I'm sure he would be able to help you with that transition period of way to publish and what to do next.

@24:55 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah. Yeah. It's in Italian though. So... it's like a different, I don't know, all right, let's see, but I don't know like if I can invest more money right now or so, let's, let's see.
Yeah. One thing at a time, yeah.

@25:22 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And one thing at a time leads to other things, but you have to start someone.

@25:27 - Selika Cerofolini
Yes, but it's just ambition, it's just this, the talk of like, a small profit, okay, it doesn't resonate with me.

@25:40 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
True, but you have taken into consideration that he's seen a lot of books, and he doesn't want to get people's hopes.
That's the first thing. And so, you also have to understand that the world of publishing is a monster all on its own.
And so, So there are certain things to consider and it takes more work to actually sell book than to write the book because the work is actually in selling the book, not in writing the book.
And so, but that's a story all on its own really.

@26:16 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, I feel maybe that I have this sense of expansion and then I'm confronted with the reality of things, right?
Because I can get so much into the expansion feeling. I... Sometimes I make my dreams so big that I sabotage myself because then if it can be that big now, I don't do it.

@26:45 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I see you basically scare yourself out of it. That's why small thoughts are good.

@26:59 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@27:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Because at least it's a start. Because we could fanfare all we like, but unless we start, nothing's going to happen.
And so I'll... I mean, of course it has to be big, it has to be big, but unless we start with one book, books, books, it's not going to go anyway.

@27:21 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, yeah, And I mean, I'm stacking, I'm doing it, so...

@27:28 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Good. In terms of... In terms of the process of metamorphosis, in terms of becoming or transforming into the... into the butterfly that you are.
What's happening?

@27:56 - Selika Cerofolini
I don't know because I don't know what it means. it's like that's where I need you I don't know I think that's where I get a bit lost like you know like I have all these big feelings and I don't always the sensation like something it's about to happen and then I don't know
I don't know.

@29:09 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Biggest challenge with any sort of transformational metamorphosis is the tendency for us to go back to an old way.

@29:17 - Selika Cerofolini
Exactly.

@29:19 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
so, old methods of doing things old, it comes back down to peaches. What peaches am I holding onto, old mindsets, old habits, old ways of doing things, that I might become aware of the new, but when push comes to shove, I'm not aware of what I'm actually doing in the moment.
In the moment, I skip the process, I jump out of the space that I'm supposed to be in. And if you remember, back.
If you remember back a few weeks ago, remember the feeling in your stomach that you were just at peace?

@30:13 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@30:18 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
When else have you been there?

@30:24 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, I might have that. Fundamentally, I'm okay. Yeah, I mean, now I say these things. Like the thing is, if I do something, if I do my book, I want it to be big.
But I can also not do it. Like I'm not really attached to it. Like, you know, my life isn't gonna be okay.
Anyway, and I just want to be in peace. And that's all. So I don't have to. But if I do, I do it well.

@31:05 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I don't do it for a Christmas. You're 43 this year. Forty-three, four and three becomes a seven. Yeah. Seven is trust and openness.
Okay. Interesting thing is, if you are going to roughly live to about 18, that means you've got about 37 years left.
And if you break that down, it becomes 37 summers. So the question you need to start asking is, what's today worth it?
And that's the only thing that you can really go and say, is the day that I've lived today? Is it worth it?
Can I die today and is it fine? And there's a difference between being connected to that and being just saying yes, if that makes sense.
But if you're literally visiting, viscerally connected to that statement and say, if I look at today, today, today, am I ready to say this was worth it?
I can let go. And to, to agree there's this stuff that you can literally say, it doesn't matter and it doesn't matter, but certain things do matter.
And being where you are matters. And so in what way, in what way are we, are we avoiding the dancing and the and the tambourine have you taken out your tambourine?

@32:45 - Selika Cerofolini
I bought it, but I bought one that is a little small and a bit high like I like bigger.

@32:51 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
That's fine. That's not the point that the whole point is the tambourine. Is there a In other words, the question is, have I danced today?

@33:04 - Selika Cerofolini
I look like dancing every day, but when I do feel, I do it.

@33:09 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
True, but the point being is, did I?

@33:15 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, did I live like I was dancing today?

@33:19 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, yes. And so if that becomes your goal, then other things become... Then there's things take on a different perspective.
Because if you come back to it, that's the original sin, remember? being able to dance, not being free. And so if that original sin is being perpetuated, you're not getting any further.
But it's the same thing that you do over and over again. Also, it's the same thing as the canned peaches.
So... in what way are you not dancing? Do you understand? It's always the same question. always comes back to the same thing.
In what way have I stopped dancing? what way have I stopped myself from expressing spirit through? And you know, of course there are various things that are happening in my day-to-day life.
But it always comes back down to where's that's why the tattoo of a tambourine would be so great, because it always reminds you.
So if you put everything into perspective, in what way was it a tambourine day? In what way? Was it a tambourine day?
And remember, it becomes easy that way. It becomes really easy because then it's not, I have to do this, and everything becomes overwhelming.
It becomes easy. Is it a tambourine moment or is it not a tambourine moment? Is it a tambourine day or is it not a tambourine day?
And truthfully, I struggle with this myself because for me it's it's choking the chicken. Do I allow the spirit to flow through me or do I not?
Am I occupying the space that I'm in, the space of peace? Why am I not? And it's easy when we, it's easy when we actually think about it and stop and say, okay, and if I ask myself the question, am I choking the chicken?
Am I choking the spirit today right now? Or am I having a tambourine moment or not? Then it becomes easy.

@36:09 - Selika Cerofolini
I think it's sensational. Supergation. Like I'm too tight. And I just want to break free.

@36:23 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
But remember that doesn't go away at all. You do that in spite of that feeling. Because the tambourine allows you to the freedom to break free.

@36:41 - Selika Cerofolini
That's what this metamorphosis take. Like how does this work? I have no idea where I am. know I'm like moving from one state to another.
But I have no idea what what is it? Where am I now?

@37:03 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I could quite possibly smack bang in the middle of what in the middle of the metamorphosis in the middle of the transformation and because it's it's literally part of creating a new habitual process of remembering my temporary so if I were you I'd make a note of that remember my temporary right it on right it on your mirror is the tambourine day write it down is it a tambourine day until it becomes sick in nature because that nature that that that part of you that that that wants to dance that that's the true self the authentic self remember you stop that happening
So now it's getting back into that, into allowing that creative spirit to flow through you, into your feet, into your hands.
That's the new, that's the new life you're moving into. Make sense? every time that every time I do not do that, every time I miss my tambourine day, I'm repeating, repeating the past.
I don't feel like dancing, no, I know you don't feel like dancing, that's not the point, and it's normal to feel totally discombobulated, to feel that uncertainty is normal.
And the discomfort of that is, is exactly where you're supposed to be.

@38:58 - Selika Cerofolini
It's just, it's almost like I... can feel like an open space and I'm like, can't reach it. And it's uh, and maybe because like I feel it's so close that I feel it's so real.
But, but then life is so heavy. And I lose it.

@39:47 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And I mean, how many times have you repeated that cycle? Really? Exactly. So it's that's the same cycle. that that's the original sin that you're doing over and over again and it's in that moment where I don't want to dance, where I feel stifled, where I need to open up and do it, if that makes sense.
Because unfortunately, there's no way of, it's not a thing of hoping it would happen, it won't happen to you, have to make it happen, you have to let it, you have to let it happen in the moment that it happens, if that makes sense.
And so the dancing happens as the dancing happens, but you have to let it happen, but that takes commitment to it all, that takes, um...
In other words, we say, we're whole, in other words, giving over. And you can do that, but it's not, it's not, it's, it might be simple.
That's a simple thing to do, but it's not easy and it never will be easy. That's never the point.
It's simple. Just give over and do the dancing. Remember to dance and not to choke. Does that make sense?
And it is a physical thing and it is a spiritual thing. And the fear will always be there to stop you from dancing.
It will always be, it will always be some authority, internal or external that says you can't. But that will never change.
In that moment, I still have to dance. And it's when I dance in that moment that suddenly life appears and things change.
That's the magic. It's the story of Moses when the Israelites were running away from Pharaoh and the chariots of Israel of Egypt.
Moses had to literally walk into the sea up to his neck before the water parted. He had to show commitment.

@42:35 - Selika Cerofolini
Trust.

@42:36 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
You understand. So until the water parts, you have to stick with it and do it. And so that feeling of it's out of reach will always be there because you have to walk that extra step to get there.
The funny thing about life is that it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen for us, or it doesn't happen to us, it's, there's a commitment that we have to do on our side as well, have to meet it all the way, and it's in that place of not knowing, of not, of being uncertain that life literally springs forth.
If you just think about the sperm and the egg, it's so uncertain which sperm is going to meet the egg, who's going to win, what's going to happen, and even once that happens, then what's going to happen, it's so uncertain, it's such a volatile environment, so anything can happen, but life happens in that moment, in that uncertainty.
And so part of what you're going through at the moment is literally the transition from doing the old way of stifling the dance and that's metaphorical as well as physical as well as spiritual you understand that so it's it's it's stifling the dance or dancing and that's why I say it's simple thing of just just tapping your feet just start there just start tapping your feet find your rhythm within you go with your heartbeat close your eyes and just go with your heartbeat and just start moving in that way and it's not doesn't have to be big movements it just has to be a movement to get it going to show that I'm walking into the water yes there's you
the pot. You said you will pot the sea, so I'm walking into the water. sea will pot. And part of that is the website, yes.
And part of that is sending out emails for everybody to promote the children of the lab revolution. But the children of the lab revolution is you.
You are the revolution.

@45:29 - Selika Cerofolini
I am the child.

@45:31 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Exactly. And you embody that child. You embody all of it. And so it's you. so it's people promoting the website.
That's fantastic, but it's you promoting you. And the child that you were promoting is the one with the tambourine.
Does that make sense?

@46:03 - Selika Cerofolini
know it's me, that's why I don't feel like this project is the end of it.

@46:13 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
No, it isn't, but it is the start. And unfortunately the start, it happens with tapping your feet. The start happens with tapping your feet before the violins and the drums and everything else adds in.
It starts with tapping your feet.

@46:32 - Selika Cerofolini
So where is this going?

@46:35 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I can't tell you. You can't even tell me, but you know it's big. I do.

@46:44 - Selika Cerofolini
Exactly. You told me that I should speak to crowds.

@46:49 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
True, but you knew that already.

@46:51 - Selika Cerofolini
Yes.

@46:55 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Exactly. so, but that's not how that's going to happen. Well it starts with tapping your feet. I know it sounds silly, but it starts from tapping your feet.

@47:13 - Selika Cerofolini
What is this? What is this part of me that is resisting and fighting and doesn't and feels so? Why are these people not answering me?
Are they like not part of my tribe or what?

@47:35 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
What does that have to do with anything?

@47:44 - Selika Cerofolini
Because I'm listening for it.

@47:47 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
True, you wanting the approval, you wanting the recognition.

@47:53 - Selika Cerofolini
And also like more than that, like kind of not doing it together.

@48:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
but also like a tribe but they're not but that can't stop you from dancing I know and yes there's an aspect of you that resists that yes and that's normal you can't expect there to be no resistance they will always be resistance but you do it in spite of the resistance it's not something that you can control and that's the point and that's the biggest point is that this thing
If you let it go, it's beyond your control and you ride a wave of uncertainty along with it. And so it's becoming comfortable with the uncertainty of it.
And one of the biggest challenges that you have is that you want to be certain. You want to be certain.
want to know what's going to happen next and you can't always know what's going to happen next. When you're pregnant, you don't know what's going to happen next.

@49:34 - Selika Cerofolini
It's so funny because I wrote an article about it. Right. We can't have those answers like I wrote it down to four others, sure.

@49:52 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And how do you feel right now? Don't you feel it back into that space?

@49:59 - Selika Cerofolini
Like I don't know. I feel like I do.

@50:37 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Life is unpredictable. Life is uncertain. We try and make everything predictable and certain. The more we do that, the less there's life.
And life is big and expansive. life is crowned. And life is dancing wildly in the... Around the fire and the moon.
That's it. life but in order to do that I need to be willing to start tapping my feet even when I don't feel like even when when I can hear the music no one else can when I can feel the music and no one else can unless I start dancing the music doesn't anyway and others won't join in because remember we've all lost we've all lost the ability to hear our music you can still hear the music and as you start dancing everybody else will hear it too
There's nothing wrong with you, remember that.

@52:13 - Selika Cerofolini
Can I ask you something?

@52:16 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes.

@52:21 - Selika Cerofolini
Like, I feel, maybe like, I don't know, I, you know, I'm used to you channeling things for me. And maybe I thought there would be more answers rather than this.
don't know, like, if this session feels different than the other time we talked. So, because you're approaching it differently or it has to be different.
So just because it's like that, or why?

@53:03 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I think there's a few things. First of all, you're in different space. I'm in a different space. I'm getting used to the physical space that I'm in right now.
And then secondly, also you're physically and emotionally on a different space than you were before. That's the one thing.
But the other thing is, I cannot tell you, I can't tell you what is going to happen. No one can.

@53:35 - Selika Cerofolini
No, I know that, but maybe because sometimes you would see like through things or like getting messages for me, you know, like all things.

@53:50 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
All I know is that this is an uncertain time. I don't know, but yeah, and so. And so looking at it from, in terms of weeks and months, I would make it smaller and say, days and hours, and write out uncertainty, trusting that you're doing what you're supposed to be doing.
As long as you remember your tambourine. Make that the central thing around which you do things. Am I remembering my tambourine?
Does that make sense? And it will show you exactly what to do. Remember, life works through you just as much as it works through anybody else, including me.
You cannot rely on anyone else to have life. close through them for you, if that makes sense. I cannot dance for you.
I cannot be in the moment for you. You have to be there yourself. So again, I would say, if you want to, if you're going to write a journal or something like that, make that a heading.
Is it a tambourine day? Was it a tambourine day? Remember the whole point is to allow the spirit of life to dance through you.
That's who you are. If that... Doesn't happen. You are not being you.

@56:33 - Selika Cerofolini
That's true, but I don't These are all true things, but...

@56:40 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
You want certainty. You want to know exactly what to do next.

@56:47 - Selika Cerofolini
I don't know. It feels like a general things that I know, you know. It doesn't feel like... Personal. It feels like here.
It doesn't feel here.

@57:51 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
What is your heart telling you? If you had to feel there right now, what is it telling you? What What you?

@57:59 - Selika Cerofolini
you? heart heart heart you? heart It's suffering. It doesn't do this to me. I don't feel we're going deep enough.
I don't

@59:04 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
OK. Can I ask you a favor? Make a note of the tambourine. OK. See how you can implement that today or tomorrow or the next day?
Let us speak again next week. You choose the day. I'll tell you if it works or not and we talk again.
But in the meantime, remember the tambourine every day.

@59:44 - Selika Cerofolini
But I'ma hate you need right now. What's going on?

@1:00:06 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
You're in the process of changing. You're in the process of becoming something that you were not before. And opening up to an energy that has not been there before.
So reconnecting to your childhood that has not been there before. And the fact of the matter is you will not always, not everything I say will be nice or make things.
How many times have you had clients that you were telling them something that you knew was right for them and they couldn't hear you.
you, it didn't feel right for them. Does that happen for you?

@1:01:07 - Selika Cerofolini
Yes.

@1:01:10 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And yet when they do it, they have the results.

@1:01:19 - Selika Cerofolini
I don't know, something feels different.

@1:01:25 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Okay. Let's reconvene.

@1:01:29 - Selika Cerofolini
I don't want to wait. What am I doing? What am I doing right now? What is this? Like right now, what is it?

@1:02:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I want I can't tell you and the interesting thing is that this is also a part of a cycle that that
tends to repeat as well.

@1:03:02 - Selika Cerofolini
There was?

@1:03:03 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
This is also part of a cycle that tends to repeat. You get to somebody, they speak truth. It resonates in your heart.
You start moving towards something and something changes. Right? And then what do you do?

@1:03:27 - Selika Cerofolini
What What do I do?

@1:03:30 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
No, I'm asking you, what do you normally do then? Dump ship and look for another teacher. Great.

@1:03:46 - Selika Cerofolini
I don't know. I stick to do I stick. But this is what I need to say, this is what I read the mirror for, for these shadows.

@1:04:44 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And I'm not saying that in a physical sense, you know that I'm not saying that in a physical physical things.
I'm saying that in a metaphysical and physical things, part of it needs to be the tapping of the foot in terms of a physical thing.
to allow the Spirit to move through you, correct? Do you understand that? How much of that? How many times?
That's not going to change, that will always be the same thing. And yes, there are things that are standing in the way, but I know, but if I don't see the thing that is standing in the way, and it takes power over me, and I don't even realize what I'm doing.
The first place to start is to become aware.

@1:05:58 - Selika Cerofolini
Exactly!

@1:06:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So, what do you, and we spoke about this the first time, remember?

@1:06:08 - Selika Cerofolini
So, what are we saying different now? It's not a different talk.

@1:06:16 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
What did I say the first time when we spoke? I said the original scene repeats itself over and over and over again.

@1:06:23 - Selika Cerofolini
And what is it? don't see it. I don't see it. Otherwise, if I saw it, I wouldn't do it, but I don't see it.
That's why I need to be shown to me.

@1:06:40 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Okay. What was the original scene?

@1:06:47 - Selika Cerofolini
I don't have a specific memory. I don't know what I did and didn't do what didn't.

@1:06:54 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I don't know. Okay, Celica. Remember the first meeting we had. You had the the memory of yourself as a child, yeah, not what not being able to dance, not being able to be free.

@1:07:12 - Selika Cerofolini
But I don't even know like I always did. I don't feel like I wasn't doing stuff. I don't know.
I don't have that memory. don't have a precise memory of me blocking myself from something.

@1:07:43 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So you can you cannot relate to the fact that there's never been a time where you stopped yourself and doing something where you knew you should.

@1:07:53 - Selika Cerofolini
Well, I don't have been silenced a lot. And I'm not saying that the dancing and so on is not valid, it's absolutely valid.
It does make sense and I've been moving my body a lot, not only with the dancing, but I'm swimming and moving a lot.
So and I see like how that moves things. But now I feel I'm in a delicate phase of like, I may be sabotaging myself and I feel like all these expansion and I need to keep that vision.
I'm And I don't want to sabotage myself in all the ways I do, usually to keep these more, to not go for things, to get discouraged or to just jump on another thing, change.
But that's exactly what you're doing right now. Why? I'm not. Why am I changing? What am I changing? I don't know.
I'm probably I don't see it. That's why it's a blind spot. I don't see it. I don't I don't think I'm doing it.
So that's why it's difficult. How am I jumping away?

@1:09:49 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Um, can you remember the first recording we did? Yeah. Okay. I know this, go back to the first recording, right, and watch it again, because there's a moment and this is important because you have to remember the moment, because that moment is the same thing that he recursed again at the time.
It's exactly the same thing that's happening now.

@1:10:36 - Selika Cerofolini
What is happening just tell me?

@1:10:39 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Is the avoiding of the spirit to go through?

@1:10:45 - Selika Cerofolini
How am I avoiding it? What am I doing that I'm not seeing?

@1:11:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
You That's this You know when you when you're talking about It's so close, but yet so out of reach And what happens then is that you Stop moving You don't feel like dancing and I'm not saying that Swimming dancing all of that.
It's allowing Spirit to move through you at that moment. When you can't see. Does that make sense?

@1:12:13 - Selika Cerofolini
Now I cannot see, I can feel it. just feel tight, trapped.

@1:12:22 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And that feeling, I understand that, but that feeling is the same feeling that you felt as a child. When you were stifled.

@1:12:38 - Selika Cerofolini
I feel like I'm making this all up in my mind. This is not a bubble. Like all these conflict doesn't exist.
I'm not trapped. I'm free.

@1:12:55 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It's not true. Exactly, so dance. be moving.

@1:13:02 - Selika Cerofolini
I'm not trapped. This is an illusion. And I'm suffering for it. It doesn't make any much sense. I'm building all this stuff.
Like my mind is building all this stuff, but there are no obstacles. They're really aren't. They aren't any. I don't I made an old big movie and I fought with it.
don't want give that . Like it's not real. it's a movie.

@1:14:04 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Do you know that we sometimes gaslight ourselves.

@1:14:15 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@1:14:17 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And we try and convince ourselves that what we experiencing is not real, that life is different, that is not happening, that there's problems that we can't solve space or experience.

@1:14:30 - Selika Cerofolini
Like this black smoke that I was seeing, what the heck?

@1:14:40 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
What black smoke?

@1:14:42 - Selika Cerofolini
It's not real.

@1:14:46 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
What black smoke were you seeing?

@1:14:48 - Selika Cerofolini
I was seeing this black smoke enveloping me. Keeping me tight, like dark forces. getting their hand on me and keeping me tight and trapped.

@1:15:09 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So what happened now when you realized that it's not true?

@1:15:14 - Selika Cerofolini
It's like this special effect that there is a machine behind the curtain and it's like dying to smoke and I can just do switch off and it's off.
It doesn't have any consistency, any, any existence in itself. How are you feeling now? Holy ! What am I doing to myself?
That's what my that's why I said don't do this to me. Wow I was trapped in him.

@1:15:59 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
was making him suffer. I was squeezing Because you would...

@1:16:01 - Selika Cerofolini
You were saying... What to the man? Look at that.

@1:16:07 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
at can try to remind you that you should take up your tambourine and you're saying you can't. And I'm saying that you have to take up your tambourine.

@1:16:19 - Selika Cerofolini
But it's not the tambourine.

@1:16:21 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
See, like this is the whatever. Exactly. The tambourine is the symbol.

@1:16:26 - Selika Cerofolini
Well, maybe I wasn't connecting to that because I see right there. It's... It's... I don't connect to that, but what I went through is that I went through it.
I went through the darkness and I needed to stay there soon. I told you I don't jump ship. I'm determined.
and I didn't leave. I could have left the session or what not, but I didn't. I needed to go through it to see that it's not real.

@1:17:15 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
What was the other name that we said, Esmerald?

@1:17:21 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@1:17:23 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Remember that's the thing with the tambourine?

@1:17:29 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, I have an aspect of it, but I don't identify like with that so much.

@1:17:37 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
No, it's true, but for the sake of the conversation, that was the thing to hold onto, Esmerald. And so my suggestion is find a better connection than Esmerald.

@1:17:56 - Selika Cerofolini
I do have it.

@1:17:57 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It's Elsa. Elsa, that's the... Oh, yes. not Ismerelda Elsa.

@1:18:04 - Selika Cerofolini
She did the same thing. Yes, exactly.

@1:18:06 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
In the darkness.

@1:18:08 - Selika Cerofolini
And she stopped herself so much that she couldn't resist anymore. But, you know, like the trick there is that this characters, they have powers.
And I still have to find, I have to feel mine. And I do. And then I lose it. Remember.
And then I feel, then I block myself and then I make myself more because I feel ashamed.

@1:18:38 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
But remember, remember, all of it, you know. But remember, this is part of the remembering.

@1:18:49 - Selika Cerofolini
But I need, here I need, I really need to go like upgrade. Like what I had up until now is not going to work anymore.
I got, I got like here, it's, it's, yeah, all the, you know, yes, synchronicities and messages and things, all say the same thing over and over again.
Like, I've been reading the same thing over and over again, but now it's time to be it. And, and so there needs to be an, an experiential upgrade.
Like, something is, is just physically, like, it has to be an embodied experience.

@1:19:38 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And didn't you just experience something right now?

@1:19:42 - Selika Cerofolini
Yes. Yes. Because I was so frustrated. I was so frustrated. I didn't feel I was going deep enough and I felt lonely and I felt like there's no escape.
You won't find any answer and the truth is it's true. There are no answers and I was angry at you because you will keep not giving me any answer.

@1:20:23 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I know I noticed. How are you feeling now?

@1:20:42 - Selika Cerofolini
Crazy?

@1:20:45 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
crazy. better.

@1:20:47 - Selika Cerofolini
I don't know how I feel. I feel like it. I don't know. I feel like kind and loving and more and a mess.
feel like a part of being in the cocoon.

@1:21:19 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And unfortunately you can't speed up that process. happens in a specific amount of time.

@1:21:27 - Selika Cerofolini
So I have to be appalled. You have to be fluid. I didn't even build the wing yet. I'm potting.

@1:21:44 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
You're potting. Perfect. Okay, so now at least we know what we're calling this.

@1:21:53 - Selika Cerofolini
The pulping stage. Okay, great. you know what it is that I add all these expectations again and I and was easy the first time because you could break it by something but suddenly everything is a pulp and you can't see anything I can't see and I can see where I'm going and and then some days my because in my mind like these are going in my mind everything has to fall on order so Sunday is my birthday this Sunday they have to tomorrow and and I'm like I'm talking to you and then later today I'm gonna have a reiki session with my teacher which I don't know why I felt like I really should do it because I think she's gonna open my heart and I need to open my heart even more and then I and so these these in my mind it will make the perfect picture and then I'm gonna walk like a queen into my birthday all renewed and battle flying and
I'm still this pup, and I'm gonna have my birthday as pup.

@1:23:11 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So what are you gonna eat for the, what are you gonna eat?

@1:23:15 - Selika Cerofolini
A smoothie. It's so funny to be a pup. It's actually pretty great because you don't have to know anything.
You just can't relax, not knowing anything.

@1:23:32 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Have you heard of the beginner's mind?

@1:23:37 - Selika Cerofolini
Oh, yeah. Well, this is even another level than that because there's not even a mind. It's a pulp. That's literally nothing.
Like, it's just a mesh.

@1:23:57 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Now, do you realize that I couldn't tell you this? Because you wouldn't have accepted it. You had to actually experience this.
So we come back to Peaches. What have you been holding on to?

@1:24:35 - Selika Cerofolini
I've been holding on to what I already knew. I've been holding on to understanding, ordering up. Like just the way my mind used to work.
Wanting to control. And know the atmosphere. I've I've been on I told you that earlier, remember? No, the answer is, are you feeling now better?

@1:25:27 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yeah. Good. Remember this feeling.

@1:25:33 - Selika Cerofolini
I feel with my expectation.

@1:25:38 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Remember this feeling.

@1:25:40 - Selika Cerofolini
Hallelujah.

@1:25:43 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Remember this feeling. Find it in your body. Where is it in your body? It's kind of exhilarating. Yes it is.
It's relaxing and exhilarating at the same time.

@1:26:06 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah. It's no expectation because I don't know.

@1:26:13 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
But remember, remember tomorrow is a different day. An hour from now is a different hour. Remember the feeling. And if for any other reason there's if the tambourines are notes annoying because it's not really connection but it is a symbol.
Do you understand? And so the tambourine is the remembering of the feeling of the space. Of not knowing. Of no expectation.

@1:26:48 - Selika Cerofolini
Let me find some image about this. What does this look like?

@1:27:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
What is the image for Elsa?

@1:27:04 - Selika Cerofolini
Oh , a lot of answers. This feels different. This part in face Well, maybe I'm gonna draw something About picture That's also about dancing, isn't it?
I Feel like yeah, I feel like a A little chubby Thing Laughing You know what the funny thing is with with the moon in Gemini the moon in Gemini is everything has to happen quickly quickly quickly quickly That's Jupiter quick quick Mm, and it's gonna expand all these aspects But but I feel like yeah a chubby laughing thing
Which is either a newborn baby, or like, you know, a laughing Buddha, like a sage that is so sage that it looks like a fool.

@1:28:14 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Begin his mind. Drunken master.

@1:28:23 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, I feel like a drunker master.

@1:28:28 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It took a while to get you, though. But it's good, you hear.

@1:28:37 - Selika Cerofolini
That's great. Stay here. Take one hour. Come on.

@1:28:44 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Didn't take much. Stay here. Stay here. better here. And truthfully, I struggle with this too. And remember, I told you, me, I choked the spirit.
Normally, normally I would have waffled, I would have said something, but I knew I couldn't. I had to keep quiet.
Normally I would put my pipe in my mouth, remember? Yeah, why? I normally I would put the pipe in my mouth so that I'd go and say anything, but I couldn't keep quiet.
Because you had to go through that experience.

@1:29:39 - Selika Cerofolini
But was it, I'm curious though, like, just in general, like was it different, like than the other time, were you seeing through me or like, it felt different?

@1:29:51 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It started off, it started off very here, and I was trying to get here. Until I got here, you were still up here, and I said, come back, that's why I said, your feet, get back into your body.

@1:30:09 - Selika Cerofolini
And I had, can I, I'm being honest, because I mean, we're just talking about projections, nothing personal, like, I had the feeling that you were more in your mind today.

@1:30:25 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Remember, I'm a mirror.

@1:30:30 - Selika Cerofolini
But I think the other times we talked, I started off in my mind, because I think that's how I start off always, right?

@1:30:39 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, you do, you always start there, and that's fine.

@1:30:45 - Selika Cerofolini
But so what's difference today? Like, do you feel different because you're in a different space?

@1:30:52 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I did feel different, yes, because it's not, I'm not sitting how I normally sit, it's not where I normally sit, everything.

@1:31:00 - Selika Cerofolini
Showed me off a lot when I have discussions with my clients. It throws me off a lot. So I'm just wondering like almost like I have to connect with the space where I can connect with the other person.

@1:31:13 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And that's part of that's part of the reason why I didn't want to actually have the meeting this week.

@1:31:18 - Selika Cerofolini
And I felt like I really appreciate it like that we met today. And then I thought, is he going to be like, okay, because I know it would throw me off.
A lot to check.

@1:31:31 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And so I thank you for being gracious enough to be willing to actually go through this with me as well.
Thank you. You understand the process as well because you do this with your own clients.

@1:31:42 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah. But see, I mean everything is perfect. Exactly. That gets where it needs to go.

@1:31:53 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Exactly.

@1:31:55 - Selika Cerofolini
I just see like this is such a good thing. Like I just want to know what I'm going to experience.
having had like a couple of sessions with you there were a certain kind I that's what I wanted. That's what I wanted to get.
That was what I was expecting and when it wasn't like that I got frustrated and I was like wow I was gonna throw everything.

@1:32:18 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
remember this is not life coaching. This is not step one, step two, step three.

@1:32:24 - Selika Cerofolini
doesn't work that way.

@1:32:25 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
No but I don't want that. mean I wasn't.

@1:32:28 - Selika Cerofolini
Exactly but that's what you're expecting. No because the other times we didn't do that.

@1:32:34 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
True but there's a certain amount of structure that you're looking for.

@1:32:38 - Selika Cerofolini
No no I wasn't looking at the structure actually. I was looking like to like usually like you know we start talking and then like you get something and you're oh yes yes I'm with you.
You get something as like I throw my body or inside of me or you're like no you're this is happening like you know this kind of.
stuff like your channeling or or getting messages or seeing things or something, right? And so that's what I was was looking for.
And this time, you had me, like, trying to, you know, get through it either because that's what you felt like doing or because like maybe that connection was not so there because of the space, the different space, I don't know.

@1:33:32 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Part of it is for you to be able to learn how to do it with others.

@1:33:37 - Selika Cerofolini
To do it myself.

@1:33:39 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
For you to be able to learn, you are learning how to do it with other people. Yeah. That's the idea.
Because if I, if I, there's that saying of give a man a fish, and you will always be hungry word, but teach a man.
and to fish and he will have food for the rest of his life. It's exactly the same thing. If I give it, if I just give it to you all the time, you rely on me.
But if you know how to do it yourself, you can do it for somebody else.

@1:34:14 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@1:34:16 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
That's the idea.

@1:34:19 - Selika Cerofolini
But you know, the thing is, maybe I was hoping for that just because I do, I reflect so much on my own all the time.
And so because I'm touching this territory, there is unknown. I always hope for guidance. And then I find out that I'm the only one that can guide me over again.
I don't see it.

@1:34:52 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It's terrible. I know. Because there's nobody else that you can rely on but you. Exactly, that's how it says, I'm like, five, and then what?
There's only you in spirit that you can rely on. And so you have to go to yourself first, to your heart, same to first, because truth is, but you know what that feels like, and you know what it sounds like, and that's good.
Feeling better?

@1:35:51 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, see, my next question is, so how is going to go on like from now on?

@1:35:58 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I can guarantee you next week's going to all the Next time we meet it's going to be different. Yeah.
What needs to happen is you need to reflect on today, write down what you experienced. It's very, very important.
Because if you don't know what you experienced, you cannot reference it again. And then it becomes vague. And as soon as it becomes vague, there's no referential index to have.
So you cannot go back to it and say this and this and this happened because it happened within you.
Yeah. But it did happen. You experienced something. And I'm a witness to that and there's a recording. But you have to be able to put down on paper.
For somebody to be able to say, oh, that's what you experienced. Yes, that's what I experienced. That's why I say go back to the first video.
Go through it and make notes. What did you experience? Go back to this video and say, what did I experience?
Go back in your mind and think. What did I experience? Because there's something very interesting that happened. The shadow that was holding you, that's really important.

@1:37:07 - Selika Cerofolini
Because I was a black hand, I could see it, like, exactly.

@1:37:12 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And when you realized that you were creating it, what happened?

@1:37:17 - Selika Cerofolini
You didn't appear.

@1:37:19 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Exactly.

@1:37:21 - Selika Cerofolini
It's like, I'm fighting with myself how stupid this is. Like, I create something, and I'm a struggling over it, and it's all just to be in control.

@1:37:35 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It's all just to be in control.

@1:37:37 - Selika Cerofolini
And like, my plants are like, they're looking at me, they're like, she's crazy.

@1:37:44 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Look who?

@1:37:45 - Selika Cerofolini
I mean, they don't even give a about theirs.

@1:37:48 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
They're like, they're standing there, enjoying the sunshine.

@1:37:53 - Selika Cerofolini
That's it. And I look at myself, I am the moment that I assume myself from outside. That's why it's so annoying.
It doesn't exist. This moke, no, no, I don't know. I created it. coming from the past.

@1:38:15 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I don't even know. It's not mine anyway. Like I don't know. That's why I said Peaches. That's why I told you the story.

@1:38:25 - Selika Cerofolini
What am I even crying about?

@1:38:27 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
know, that's exactly what I told you. The story. So, Celica, you want to you want to have another station with me again?
Yes.

@1:38:41 - Selika Cerofolini
Okay, good.

@1:38:43 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And just and just earlier you were thinking, this is about... No, there's . don't want to come back for this.
I could see that in your face.

@1:38:53 - Selika Cerofolini
So, what are we doing here? Oh boy.

@1:39:06 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Now do you see the value?

@1:39:08 - Selika Cerofolini
I think, like, this is an interesting thing, I thought you were gonna save me from whatever, know, bring me on the other side, Virgil in hell with Dante, and yes, I have to stay in this damn hell.
Guess I have to stay in hell for a little bit.

@1:39:34 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
But doesn't feel like, but doesn't feel like hell now. No, that's just like, exactly, exactly.

@1:39:41 - Selika Cerofolini
So it's not so bad. It's funny. Actually, I can feel it.

@1:39:46 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I can feel the gooey, and it's more, and it's like... But for your birthday, make sure there's gooey more stuff, like purity for baby food.

@1:39:55 - Selika Cerofolini
Have some of that. It's kind of cute, you know.

@1:39:59 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It's kind of cute, yay. Yes, it is squishy, long, long, long, long way, yes, flubber, what's that movie flubber?
Thank you so much for your time. Thank you so much for being willing to go through this with me.

@1:40:19 - Selika Cerofolini
Oh, thank you, Elion. He breaks through.

@1:40:27 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Literally was.

@1:40:28 - Selika Cerofolini
It literally was.

@1:40:31 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Because you wouldn't have seen it any other way.

@1:40:33 - Selika Cerofolini
Or you wouldn't have understood it, but see, like it's good that I had the intuition, always I was screaming that at you, but really I was saying that to me, like I need to go deeper, like this is too shallow.
What the hell is happening? I need to go deeper. And that's deeper. Look, for So you think next week, next week, yes, I think next week is actually good idea.
Yes. Okay, let's go for it.

@1:41:07 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Um, just speak to a night beforehand. I don't know what, what, uh, hold on a second. I need to, okay, um, give me a day for next week and we'll, we'll schedule something.

@1:41:20 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, the thing is, um, I'm quite next week doesn't work the week after. Yeah, maybe, you know, for example, the Monday, just maybe not next week, but the Monday, the 17 would be great.
can make some time because see what happens. Then I cry. I can, I can jump into a session like right after because yes, yes, no, course.
Yes. How about Monday, the 17?

@1:41:47 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I'm going to put a tentatively Monday, the 17th or also Tuesday.

@1:41:53 - Selika Cerofolini
Oh, Tuesday.

@1:41:55 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Tuesday also is good. I have time. Let's do it. Actually, let's do it.

@1:42:00 - Selika Cerofolini
Yes.

@1:42:04 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Okay. Put it in my calendar now.

@1:42:07 - Selika Cerofolini
This time.

@1:42:08 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Same. This time. Yes. So it would be. A 10 o'clock. That's four o'clock for me. four o'clock in the afternoon for me.

@1:42:21 - Selika Cerofolini
So that's fine. Okay.

@1:42:24 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I'll send out an invitation.

@1:42:28 - Selika Cerofolini
I blocked the time. So I don't take sessions and.

@1:42:32 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
All right. I also suggest maybe blocked time before and after. So half an hour before and half an hour after.

@1:42:39 - Selika Cerofolini
Just so that there's space for you to.

@1:42:42 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Feel what you're feeling because it's not nice to go into another meeting after this.

@1:42:47 - Selika Cerofolini
No, and then with a client where you have to be. Yeah. Yeah. The 18. I've locked two hours. No, it's perfect because I can.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. morning, then I go swimming, then I start my sessions in the afternoon.

@1:43:04 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Perfect, perfect.

@1:43:06 - Selika Cerofolini
Okay.

@1:43:07 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Great. So you see the value?

@1:43:09 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

@1:43:12 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Cool.

@1:43:19 - Selika Cerofolini
Great pleasure. You have a fantastic day and we'll speak next week for the week after.
Dr Eon & Selika - June 19

VIEW RECORDING - 112 mins (No highlights)


@0:10 - Selika Cerofolini
Yes, yes, yes. I just I just installed like the fat film as well.

@0:15 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Oh, yes, if you are you recording? Yes, I'm recording.

@0:21 - Selika Cerofolini
Okay. I don't know why.

@0:23 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Otherwise, otherwise, there's recordings.

@0:25 - Selika Cerofolini
I, you're good now because I see something popping up for me. But maybe I just have to close it.

@0:35 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
That's it.

@0:36 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@0:37 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
on my end.

@0:38 - Selika Cerofolini
Yes. That's cool. I can do this part. I'm like, it is just to be like, I'll take it away.
Like my client don't to be on camera.

@0:58 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
You know, that's all. You know how I as divas all?

@1:06 - Selika Cerofolini
No.

@1:07 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
You're old what to be on camera?

@1:09 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah. How was your week? Hot.

@1:19 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Okay.

@1:20 - Selika Cerofolini
It's really hot here now. No, my week was good. I mean, it's Tuesday to Wednesday, right?

@1:29 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Wednesday. Yes, yes. You've got a public holiday. We had one on Monday.

@1:35 - Selika Cerofolini
Ah, you are on Monday. This is on a day. So actually, I had taken this day free for myself just because, so this is perfect because I have the whole day.

@1:49 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yeah. Awesome. Awesome. Today we're going to be. Today we're going to be doing something slightly different. So I'm going to ask you lot of questions and we're going to put put things into perspective because we need to be able to make a distinction of of identities, if that makes sense.
Okay, so we started this process, when did we start this process? About three or four weeks ago?

@2:33 - Selika Cerofolini
Which process?

@2:35 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
When did we start doing these goals?

@2:40 - Selika Cerofolini
Well, we had one last week since we called it like it is, but we had a couple before when you told me that I was in, when you told me that I was a fast-cutter pillar.

@2:55 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, so when you were still fast, how long ago was that?

@3:00 - Selika Cerofolini
because feel I was probably a month ago at least even more right okay awesome yeah wait because if I search your name um look I think yeah mated awesome mated fat cattle fish yeah okay cool um what happened after the fat caterpillar yeah so we had a call and we and after that I experienced I
I think the remembering, the remembering, yeah, because I remember after the call, then I danced. I was sad days and I felt really hopeless, nothing that I do brings me anywhere or like, I don't know, like I was kind of doomed or something.
But then it was also quiet. Then I, I don't know, it felt like then I wrote you that I was feeling bad and you told me that it was okay, that there was the remembering happening.
And so I relaxed because a part of me kind of knew that it was okay, that it just had to go through it.
just got scared because I didn't know what was happening. thing because I was feeling all powerful and these and that and then I broke down and then but when I relaxed I don't know but like those are those few days after that and it was I think the first time in my life that I felt completely completely in flow like oh okay like very much in flow like I wasn't even looking at my calendar like I was taking things as they were coming like I I wasn't worried about anything anything it was almost like living outside of time okay awesome and since then what happened ah since then I
Then we talked again, a couple of weeks after, or something like that, which was last week. No, before. This was before we engaged, like officially in this first part of the.
Okay. This was the first two calls when a net gave it to us, remember, Yes, yes. In May. After we exchanged information and so emails remember, like when a net didn't feel well.
So this was still those calls. So this and the other one we just wrapped everything around and. And we, we, we reconciled stuff and, and, and I was in this phase and you said that I was in the cocoon.
At that point, becoming Paul, right. And I guess I thought I was Paul. And I guess now I'm starting to build some my imaginary sales and.
starting to build my new, my new skeleton.

@7:05 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
What was the experience of the cocoon and pulp?

@7:13 - Selika Cerofolini
So the cocoon, I should read that what I was writing, the cocoon was pretty, the cocoon becoming tall. Well, I should read what I wrote, but if I...
Can you remember our last session? Ah, I lost one.

@7:37 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Our last session?

@7:39 - Selika Cerofolini
Yes.

@7:41 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
What did you experience our last session?

@7:50 - Selika Cerofolini
I think I came in like excited for something, some answers. wanted some answers. And kind of, I don't know, maybe I want things to get rolling or, I don't know, understanding what was going on, how this metamorphosis would work.
And then I, and then you were not giving me the answer that I wanted, and I got all entangled, and I saw this, this black smoke hand pulling me from the right, keeping me tight, dissensation of being trapped, and then, and then I went into the aspire.
and then broke through seeing that the smoke was just a special effect of my move. And I can switch off the machine.
special effect machine.

@9:25 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Okay. Okay. So when you were seeing the black hand holding you tight, did that remind you of the sad and hopeless place that you're in?
Did it remind you of the sad and hopeless place that you were in after you danced the first time?

@9:52 - Selika Cerofolini
It was it was a bit different because the first yeah but I mean yeah it was like a slightly different but
that sensation of powerlessness, entrapment. Yeah. Stuckness.

@10:09 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes. Where in your body were you feeling? Anyway, come up the back of your neck.

@10:16 - Selika Cerofolini
Oh, man. I don't remember now. It's possible. I don't remember that exactly. I remember it was like this, like this from the right, like this rocking, right.
was a rough sensation. The second time, the first time when I was crying, it was more of a doing like, what, on me like this.
If I remember like correctly, but more or less, I would say so. Okay. Because when I'm into the experience, then like in the moment, maybe I can describe it, but then confused.
Yeah. But I remember the, coming from the right and wrapped in me like this. I also am another physical thing.
And then the same day that is that session. Same day. Probably it was Friday. Yeah. Then I went to get reiki.

@11:23 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
From my future. Yes.

@11:25 - Selika Cerofolini
It was really interesting because probably I was all open and well. And it was really interesting also because like I have a very strong sciatic.
And I was a little better because I'm doing right into myself on the right side, but it was pretty intense.
And after the reiki was even more intense for some reason. But I think it was a healing actually. And during the reiki.
I saw a lot of things like first of all, like as she was. putting the hands on me, I would be like sighing a lot and she would do that too.
She said that she would feel the paint somewhere, she would put the hands and she had to excel. I was excelling and I'm still doing it like I'm like but very peaceful, like a size of relief, a lot of them though.
And during the reiki I did and then as always like I saw images of the universe, a lot of images of the universe and then I saw my right side being in chains, almost like it was a past life or something, like I was chained and then there was Egypt for some reason and then I was swimming like I was a creature almost
like a plant is or something like, know, a lot of during the Reiki, there was a lot of images of other worlds or like other dimensions or other varieties, it felt something like that.
And the swimming and the universe, which were not too kind of that sensation. And, yeah, and so I saw all of these things.
And then at the end, I was laughing a lot because I felt equally like there was like this little creature, like it was blue, a lot of blue.
Well, the universe has lot of reds and blacks and lights, but then all the water part is like more all these blue.
And there was this creature with the pointed ears and a very funny face. And she was like tickling me.
And then there was like almost like a chipmunk running through here. And I'm like, yeah. it was like really tickling me.
And my teacher was like, all those are the elementals. And she said, they were like the water and the fire or the whatever, like they were just running and they were like, just mischievous and like tickling me running around.
And then she said something that she felt she asked me if my father was in a body. And she said that she felt the presence of my father throughout.
Or a father presence, maybe father, my father, father, Saturn, and so I asked my dad. And he said that that night he was talking to my mom about me and how proud he was and so on.
And these also has changed. I read a very passive address with my dad, who I adore. completely adores me.
like I'm a princess. But I always had a little bit of like a anger or something. Because I thought he would always need to stand up more to my mom or something like that or some little girl complex.
And I now exchanged and I'm so happy. Like I just love him and I can okay most importantly I can receive his love.
what I noticed lately is that I'm able to receive much more. And as I do I just want to man I want to give free stuff to everyone like oh what can I give to this a gift to this person or I don't know a friend kind of a friend.
and that I haven't heard in God knows how long. She was like, you know, Salika, can you suggest me to work with somebody, this thing?
And I'm like, no, let's talk tomorrow, like, for free, of course, like just giving, you know? And then I know it all's like, for example, like I went to the Reiki and she makes a special prize for us because we're students, but it was so amazing.
And I love her so much. And so I gave her like more. She was also generous with her time.
into astrology and all of that. then my clients, I had a session with my the day after, and we went like such a long time over time.
But, you know, we were just shining and for me was fine. And she wanted to give me more, yes?
And I'm like, you know, that's not necessary. And she's like, yeah, what about I appreciate it? And I'm like, so I receive it, you know?

@17:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
and it's so beautiful so now I feel like yeah I feel like giving a lot right I I give you a lot of money okay the the excited dancer the excited dancer and the and this the excited dancer what name would you give that person she can be as Marilyn yeah and the sad hopeless
Feeling of being tracked, what's her name?

@18:17 - Selika Cerofolini
The little match girl?

@18:22 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Oh yes. Oh yes. Oh yes.

@18:30 - Selika Cerofolini
Perfect.

@18:32 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
when you were in flow, because that repeated itself again with the Reiki experience, what name?

@18:45 - Selika Cerofolini
Hello.

@18:49 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
What does it feel like?

@18:51 - Selika Cerofolini
Like a feather.

@18:54 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Oh, great feather is perfect. We'll keep it as feather.

@19:00 - Selika Cerofolini
Thank you.

@19:13 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Okay, this is extremely, this is extremely exciting. Do you know why? I can correlate the experiences that you're having with personal experience.
The challenge is that because I'm not there all the time, I cannot intervene if that makes sense. So we rely on a bi-weekly or a weekly session in order to recap what has happened.
Okay, so basically, What is happening, what you are experiencing now is the solidifying or the integration of the aspects of yourself.
The challenge here is recognizing when you are whom and who's in charge because previously, and this is where the change comes in.
Previously, you've allowed whatever happens to put you in a specific state or identity. You first danced and then suddenly you felt very down and low in After that you felt relaxed and inflow.
So there are three identities in that sequence. Which relates to do you know anything about this?

@21:00 - Selika Cerofolini
come along. No, it must not.

@21:03 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Okay. All it basically comes down to in terms of transactional analysis. If you know anything about that, it basically parent, child and adult.
Okay. So the child part of you said and hopeless, the parent part of you being Oh, no, that doesn't go because the adult is relaxed and inflow, which also brings about, because another question I want to ask, what is your energy levels right now?
Yeah. right now, but lately.

@21:48 - Selika Cerofolini
These days? No. Yeah.

@21:52 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It's good. Yeah. You feel more energy or less energy? Um,

@22:02 - Selika Cerofolini
I feel more stable energy because I've experienced peaks of energy like before launching my project for example, but that was like a little bit adrenalinic.
So it felt like more energy, but it was also that kind of intensity about it, attention. Now I feel good energy like it's pretty consistent.
I'm also like need to rest for my sciatica. So I do that, but doesn't mean that I'm sad or like I'm low energy.
I just do what I need to do. It's also great. Okay.

@22:46 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And are you sleeping better?

@22:49 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah. Yeah. It's really hot. Like so that takes, but yeah, like a couple of days ago I slept like 10 hours, like I really
it caught up on my on some sleep and you know the yesterday I woke up at 5am and then I slept again it depends but but in general I would say that I have a more relaxed sleep yes okay cool okay so then we've got we've got Esmeralda the little magic match girl and we've got feather okay it's magical feather is magical and it's it's like it's more terrain is more terrestrial and feathery what else if you had to choose anyone that could run the show who would it be better here's a secret you have a choice
And it comes down to dynamic agreement.

@24:12 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And what that basically means is you choose who's going to be in charge. These spaces for the little magical in her time, but under the control of feather or under the guidance of feather, there is space for Esmeralda under the guidance of feather.
But feather, if she runs the show, what happens?

@24:49 - Selika Cerofolini
That nothing takes over. Like I always keep the right perspective, I don't I don't misunderstand those other personalities for me.
I just let them give them space at the right No, everything feels lighter.

@25:34 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I will give you a hint. Yeah. Said that you receive more love.

@25:41 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@25:43 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And you want to give. Yeah. Which means you are open and free channel.

@25:50 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@25:51 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
What it also means is that you are not in a transactional or transactionally focused engagement with anyone.

@26:00 - Selika Cerofolini
and so it you give freely because freely you've received something that you cannot place any and this is important because unless you get you need to be able to see what's the difference from now to them because unless you can do that you can't actually see what's happened yes well this receiving and giving is the main thing right there the free flow of love even even if I for example and I'm daring more like for example I met this guy that in Italy is a very famous guy like I mean from a you know Benito like you know the yes yes yes yes so one of the you know hairs are
running the running the show He was here in New York presenting his book. So I couldn't really say anything to him like I don't know I got so shy and I was just like the book like this I think the autistic and then but he was super nice like I don't know he looked at me his mind and like a Good luck with your trajectory because the book is about his trajectories like with like your trajectory It will be fatherless And I smiled and then I was like, you know what?
followed him on Instagram, and I'm like I'm gonna message him Guy like I'm like, hey, I've met you there and your presentation was great.
I would you know I didn't say much at the moment, but and I also wanted to share with you my project because we working on shifting the mind of people it works with younger people a lot and so I shared it and And I'm like the guy I would never like you know he responded
like, it responded with a nice message and good luck, you know, but still I'm like, oh, cool, like, you know, he responded or I met, I went to this seminar about living in Portugal to get some practical information.
And there was this guy that has this like nomadic living project like around the world, like building this apartment complexes in beautiful places and you can then switch and buy an apartment then go somewhere else, like, you know, the project is amazing.
So we talked to him and I'm like, hey, I have some contacts in Florence because he said Italian market was really hard.
was in Florence, like, so I'll ask, you know, so I asked. And then, and then I had like genius, like all these American people going abroad, like probably in a transitional phase of their life.
When I moved to Lisbon, I'm like, well, if you want. I have to give them a reference as for a guide that can I help them in the transitions.
mean, I think it would be great for both of us. know, and so I'm like throwing it out there.
So I wrote to the guy too. And I'm like, okay, this is great. But even when this is kind of, I mean, it's transactional, but it's not.
It's like, right? Yeah, it's, it's, I don't think it is. Like, it is obviously, yes. Like, but I feel it's just multiplying.
Like, it would be good for him. It would be good for me. would be good for the people. It would be good for everybody.
I mean, I don't see anybody losing here. It's just better. Ah, so I thought he was a genius. Exactly.
Yeah, because I was like, am I selling something? But I don't, I think it was just a great idea.

@30:09 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Now, the interesting thing is, if you look at yourself, if you have to look at Esmeralda and even the little magical, this might sound terrible, but can you notice how both of those are rather manipulative?

@30:38 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, I mean, the little match, girl, for sure, but you know, doesn't, kids are like master manipulators. Yes.

@30:46 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Bible depends on that.

@30:47 - Selika Cerofolini
So, yes, good at it.

@30:49 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And Esmeralda?

@30:52 - Selika Cerofolini
Manipulator, huh, because she kind of in Chance people, like, lose them into a charm to, you know, get power.
Interesting.

@31:18 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And so, one of them is yours. If you had to look at it in terms of the middle pillar again, one of them, Esmeralda, would be your parent, or the parent aspect, or what you could also call it as the pillar of severity.
In other words, vengeance, because Esmeralda can quickly become angry. The little match girl is the pillar of mercy, and she quickly becomes a victim and stays a victim.
and a martyr. But feel it without charity, you know, what you said? Manipulator of true magical manipulator and a martyr, victim and a martyr.

@32:20 - Selika Cerofolini
And you said, is without the pillar of severity and anger and the child, the pillar of charity?

@32:27 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
What pillar of mercy?

@32:30 - Selika Cerofolini
Mercy, mercy, no charity, victim and martyr.

@32:40 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
But feather stands between both of them and has power or influence for both. So, now if you put those into symbols, we've got three symbols.
If you want to get tattooed, for instance, Esmeralda would be a tambourine, the little matchful would be matches, obviously, and feather is obviously a feather.
What's interesting about that is that in Egyptian mythology, your heart was weighed against the feather of mark. other words, if it was any heavier than if the feather was lighter than the heart, it would, or either way, some way, something had to be heavier.
If the feather was heavier, Whatever comes down, it basically means that the feather was used to weigh your heart, the heart of the matter.
Feathers also represent pains to write with, but also represents rules.

@34:25 - Selika Cerofolini
Yes. Rules.

@34:28 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Rules and justice.

@34:30 - Selika Cerofolini
Jupiter.

@34:32 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Justice.

@34:33 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, yeah. It sounds like the description of Jupiter.

@34:37 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes. Jupiter is the god of?

@34:41 - Selika Cerofolini
And Sagittarius, you know.

@34:43 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, but Jupiter is the god of expansion.

@34:47 - Selika Cerofolini
Yes. Abundance.

@34:50 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes.

@34:52 - Selika Cerofolini
Business success. Again. It's funny because when you mentioned the tambourine, the tattoo, I looked at stuff and I wanted tambourine with flowers and feathers, like the feathers were always in my idea of the tattoo.
It wouldn't be just the tambourine. There would be roses and feathers, because I think there are roses. I've also been much more drawn to roses lately.
It was never a flower that really like, and now I'm all about roses, but I know that strong spiritual significance.

@35:45 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I stand for purity of heart. The challenge you are facing at the moment, if I'm going to host work, instead of saying I'm going to host.
Although you are feeling stable energy, it does feel slightly or does it feel slightly uncertain?

@36:14 - Selika Cerofolini
Yes, definitely.

@36:16 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Like you don't know what's going to happen next.

@36:19 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah. don't. I mean, I don't know. don't. Yeah. Yeah. It is uncertain. There is, there is still some self doubt and uncertainty.
Like, you know, also I'm putting all this stuff like am I going to move? Am I not going to move?
When? How is it going to happen? What's going to happen with my work? Is my project ever take off?
Does it even matter? Is it becoming something else? Is it like, what's going to happen? And then so all these questions are somewhere and then I do feel.
uncharacteristically kind of like I'm not worried deep deep down things are going well like I I don't worry I know it's gonna be okay I don't even ask too much how it's gonna I'm gonna I know I will see how like I know what I'm doing I think I'm really moving because I keep like getting information and talking to people and saying it with more and more conviction so I guess it's happening like a part of me is like are we gonna move a lot and a part of me is like I'm already doing it I'm already creating the conditions for me to do it so I kind of look at what I do
And I'm like, okay, that's what we're doing, I guess. Yeah. But if I have to say that I live in, like, unpethered and shakeable fate and clarity, like, no, not always not.

@38:23 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
But yes, interesting thing. If you had to go to those three, those three symbols and those three identities, what I suggest you do is write down the states that each of them have and what happens when you are each of them.
Or when that personality is allowed to take over. So you don't necessarily have to, you don't necessarily have to let them take over, but you can look and see what what are the experiences or the feelings within the body and the emotions that you feel when you are those when those.
identities are active. Then you can stop becoming aware of when you are not being in feather, if that makes sense.
Because the challenge is I'm not there to call you on inconsistency. So, and because you are fairly self-aware, I mean, you're very self-aware.
You are aware of what's happening within you. Because you yourself realize that I'm creating the back hand. It's a figment of my imagination.
That realization came from you.

@39:47 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, yeah. No, I know that. I'm really serious about meditation like I've done a lot of work in this.

@39:57 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
you have. Yes, you have. That's the thing. And it is good to be in this space of not knowing.

@40:06 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah. I'm starting to enjoy it. And I also, like, I wrote an article or a post, but I think it should be an article about expectations and how, like, for example, I'm realizing, one of the things that I would like, and I'm trying not to come from luck to manifest, is to have my, to find more of my tribe, to find people.
I can hang out with, and that I share similar things, and I don't know where they are, and I have my friends, but I would like, really, like, more people to go out with as well, like, I just feel this pool of wanting to go out, wanting to be in groups, not even go out one on one.
Like, I want to be among people. Just being out, it's also summer, right? But still, like, being out. I went to my gynecologist the other day, like it's like, in this point of Manhattan and I walked all the way down and I just enjoyed the city and being, you know, surrounded by people and and energy and I felt very calm and so happy.
So I have this strong pull of being in between between among people and finding these people, but I know that I've been also like secluding myself lately so that's also my doing.
So now I want to reverse it. And so, but for example, I've been invited somewhere and my intuition and then I was like, I'm not going to go.
That's not going to be fun. Almost like, I want to do the things that I already know how they're going to feel like.
So I realized how much I created. a lot of expectation, I think expectation is big for me, and I trap myself there, because then when you don't get what you want, right, that's where magic lies, and because you're not getting what you want, you're getting what you're needing, and you're getting exactly what is perfect for you in that moment that you cannot imagine, because we were not wired like that, if what imagines is the mind, and she cannot know, you know, now then see, then my intuition about the place that I said no to was right, but doesn't matter.
Anyway, I'm trying to be more open to different experiences.

@42:49 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Good, now if you notice the expectation, it is, it becomes manipulative, from either Esmeralda, with the charms, or the little magical from her martyrdom.

@43:07 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@43:09 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
But in feather it becomes appreciation of where you are and what you've got.

@43:14 - Selika Cerofolini
Yes.

@43:16 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And who you are.

@43:17 - Selika Cerofolini
Gratitude.

@43:18 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes. Gratitude. Remember, gratitude is a result of appreciation.

@43:24 - Selika Cerofolini
You cannot generate gratitude.

@43:26 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes. In other words, you cannot be grateful. You are thankful. But you are thankful because of appreciating something. Gratitude is the response of the state that you enter from being appreciative of being thankful.
Yes. But it also comes from emptiness, if that makes sense.

@43:45 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@43:46 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Oh, a lot of sense. course.

@43:47 - Selika Cerofolini
Openers.

@43:49 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Because there's a wanting, which is lack, the emptiness of the void, and appreciation, the emptiness of experience. Pertation in terms of pregnancy.

@44:06 - Selika Cerofolini
Where is this petition in terms of pregnancy?

@44:10 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
With appreciation, it's also a womb. Just like the void is a womb that begets more want, more lack, a dark black hole.
Appreciation is also place of emptiness, but an emptiness of expectation in terms of being expecting.

@44:35 - Selika Cerofolini
If that makes sense. Yeah, it has that component of like potential book, the creation of anything, which is the ability for anything to happen.

@44:47 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes.

@44:49 - Selika Cerofolini
It's so funny because I just went to my gynecologist. And for the first time, I asked him to check my fertility.
know, I'm 43 and I never did it. I'm like, I want to know it. Like, I'm bye bye and he checked and he said I'm doing great like my over is top like working full on everything is perfect now I have I still have to see if the quality it's good but I think it's good and like I think like my identities of Esmer algo that little ash go and feather where would you place them my over is no your fertility my virtual sense and in the physical things where would you place your fertility if you had to look at the little match girl or Esmer algo or feather if you had to give a value where is your fertility highest well in feather everything is highest there
as well as most of the terrestrial dimension. feels like she's also very creative in fertile, like in terrain.

@46:08 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
There's a sensuality to Esmeralda.

@46:10 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@46:12 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
True. is manipulative by nature.

@46:17 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah. his world, right? is like human 3D world. Yes. Because you extract the and then you make a baby.

@46:30 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes.

@46:31 - Selika Cerofolini
Survival production.

@46:34 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It's okay also. Yes it is. And you've got the picture that you had yourself about the feathered tambourine equals magic.
Yes. Because there's a description of the Bible that says Nathan the prophet needed to prophesy David asking to prophesy.
and Nathan said, bring me a musician. Why? Because music moves the spirit. But the spirit moves me. So you can write this down.
spirit moves me, but I move the spirit. And I move the spirit through music. Yeah, now there is an aspect here of sensuality and that's important here because it is we're coming back to grandma's peaches.
It needs to, it's Morelda needs to find her proper alignment with feather. And so does the little match girl.
Someone has to direct the squire. And if you place the little match girl, where would you place her? If you had to put her in a line with most important at the top and least important, it's obvious.

@48:39 - Selika Cerofolini
The little match girl is in the front. In a choir?

@48:44 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
No, if you had to put in a totem pole. A totem pole? A totem pole, yes. Where would the little match girl be?
In terms of her at the bottom. Yes.

@48:57 - Selika Cerofolini
Next would be?

@48:58 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, Miranda. Exactly. feather would be at the top with the wings like the indians actually our feather tambourine was the shamanic thing for Native Americans because the feather imbued the tambourine with energy with spirit so the spirit moves me but I move the spirit through music and you're something very important here are you finding that you require to listen are you finding that you want to listen to more music I've yeah I've been listening to more music especially I want to I make more music like I sing right

@50:01 - Selika Cerofolini
I think more. And yeah, I have it on more.

@50:07 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Okay, the interesting thing is, and this is part of something that I'm creating at the moment called digital alchemy.
And basically it comes down to the amount of information that's available on the internet at the moment is able to stream to us and be curated for us by a series.
Okay, so suddenly an element of information, a living entity of some sunshine performed can actually play as music that not only accompanies our mood, but can also tell us what's happening to us presently and tell us what is going on.
in the moment. So I'm going to suggest, and this is important because in the olden days, you used to read tarot cards.

@51:16 - Selika Cerofolini
Right? Yeah, I still have them. I have my oracle.

@51:19 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Star seed oracle here. Yes. But the challenge with them is that you read backwards or forwards, but you can't really say what's going on.
It's not very clear. Even if you know the cards very well, because anything can happen. But if you listen to the music, if you listen to the words of the music that's being played, you will immediately find out what's happening.

@51:47 - Selika Cerofolini
And what you experience today is the space.

@52:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
is the space of flow and it is the space of appreciation. It is the space of love. It's that space of giving, of openness.
And so there's an understanding or a, and to, to, to, read this faith that you, that you place in, that you, this faith that what you are doing is going to be reciprocated by love, people, but love in the universe.

@52:49 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, yeah, it's, it's, it's just so you feel it, you know it. I just know it. And it's not the motive why I do what I give.
I am aware of the, I'm aware of how it works, it just works, because it's just best for everyone, because it's also good for others.
mean, it's just how it works. Exactly. It's not about doing it, so you get something, but even about just being in that state that is the normality, that's how things go around.

@53:29 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So, I'll put it into, I'll put it into a story. When I realized I was a ill, and I realized that when I was a child, when I realized I was a ill, I also realized that I can do it, that I do it everywhere, not because of, not because I try to, but because I am, it's not.
And so, I would walk into a shopping mall or into store and even by giving a compliment and somebody receiving a compliment, it allowed for healing energy to flow and they felt better.
So healing took place. So I was fulfilling my purpose of being me. In the being of me, I could not charge for that interaction.
Because something I freely received as part of my being. so I can, if I then, and you can, you can't charge for that.
But if that is the sole purpose of an interaction, it becomes, it diminishes the value. You understand what I'm saying?
It diminishes the true value of the interaction. so what I do, now and this is what I'm even extending to is basically without prejudice and it's not even you don't even call it a gift because even if you call it a gift there's a there's principle of reciprocity make somebody go oh now I must buy you a gift as well.

@55:25 - Selika Cerofolini
yeah I used to do that all the time and now I just say thank you because now I know I understand I know I feel that it will come for me the time to give something not that that person necessarily but to somebody else like it's almost like you give me and I receive it will come the time where I'm giving but it's it's not about the two people it's it's just an energy that goes around and
But yeah, and when I give to someone, I just know, I have no idea how, but like, how it's gonna happen, but I know they will, because they will, if they can receive it, then I know they will give it at some point to someone.

@56:17 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It is the energy by which we give, that we know that we are taken care of, that we can appreciate the taken care of.
Because you will always have enough, there will always be enough.

@56:35 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, I feel I'm not in scarcity anymore, and I've been living there my whole life.

@56:40 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Exactly, so the one thing is thought.

@56:44 - Selika Cerofolini
I think so. There is still a little bit with this thing of one friends, and I want people, and there's a little bit of one thing there I feel.

@56:55 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Exactly, so there you have to then look at who is in charge. odd state.

@57:02 - Selika Cerofolini
The little girl.

@57:04 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Exactly. And then you have to go and look and see, okay, what is the little girl believes she's not perceiving?
Because you want something outside of yourself that is actually within you.

@57:23 - Selika Cerofolini
Fun. And inspiration. And I've been feeling those things. I know the core of the matter. And then at the same time, the thing is sharing with other people, real people, I can give myself a lot.
And I'm perfectly fine by myself. sharing a beer or a sunset with somebody, it's beautiful.

@57:58 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And sharing those stories.

@58:03 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah. But it's just so much that you can, as a physical person, you can do alone. Now, not just so much you can do, but it's just, I don't know, it's just better.

@58:15 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It's just times to share with someone. It's true. Now, that's exactly what you require. And that is like, there's a desire and a need, but not, if there's desire and need, but not wanting, it happens.
But if there's wanting, in other words, the, because I I'm lacking something, when there's no appreciation of where you are at.

@58:45 - Selika Cerofolini
I see it tricking me, like, it's tricky, because like yesterday, for example, I went to a party at my friends, all my friends were there.
So I was so happy, right? And it was a birthday, I prepared flowers and gifts and so on. And as I would go there, a part of me was just thinking, and then we're gonna talk to that friend and ask her what she's doing in the weekend, because then we're gonna hang out.
So we're gonna have something to somebody to hang out with. And I'm like, stop, like, we've never even got there for this party.
And you were already trying to plan your agenda, because you're afraid of being alone. Like, this is not gonna work out.
Like that. And then I just enjoyed whatever it was, like a silence in all these voices, that person is not talking to you.
The person is not talking to you. Like I want, there is a friend that I want to involve, like, in my book as an, as the illustrator.
And he was there, right? I didn't want to write him. want to see him. Like, and he was there, but he didn't feel
the energy was right for me to tell him about my project. So I did it. And I'm like, there will be another occasion where I feel like the energy is right.
Yes. Now it's just about to say hello, after long time I haven't seen him. Not just like grabbing, because I was losing.
Like, I tried to snap out of it. And then people started talking, coming to me and say, or received your email, congratulations for your project.
And today, like a beach day came up. after this, I'm going to the beach with a bunch of people.
But it was just spontaneous in the moment, right? And I'm trying, instead I feel sometimes I'm trying to feel all the holes that I perceive existing to, because I'm afraid of being alone, I guess.
Yeah, the little match girl, man, she died.

@1:01:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
alone, she's cold, she's frightened. what triggers her? Anything that, that, that stifles, that stifles, that puts her down.

@1:01:15 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, yeah. I have a lot of other answers to cold. Um, I really don't like it. Like, it's not that I don't like it.
I like to be, like, get very nervous when I'm cold.

@1:01:30 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Okay. So there's another distinction that you can make them. Cold and hot. In other words, temperature will use an indicator of where you are in terms of away.
where of the self, the whole self and the whole self includes what temperature I'm feeling. Because sometimes you walk into a room and you think, my goodness, I'm hot.
Is it the room or is it you? Are you experiencing the temperature within the room or are you actually walking in a bubble of I'm gonna say a bubble of heat.
Because if you look at as your connection in terms of hot and cold, you're either more connected or less connected.
But then you also know what to do. Then you can do a physical thing that put on socks or I jacked it.
Or you can go the opposite extreme and actually take your clothes off and allow, I know this sounds crazy, but allow for the spiritual energy to eat you up.
Because part of the clothing, remember the little girl was covered in clothing, but it was full of holes. Are you getting this?
Esmerelda was, she was warm, yeah. And so you can check your state and your state of being, your identity with heart and cold as well.
Now something else, have you noticed that you Do you love more?

@1:04:01 - Selika Cerofolini
Yes.

@1:04:03 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes.

@1:04:04 - Selika Cerofolini
I mean, I'm also having a blood when I'm by myself, like, I just love. I just like what they do.
don't know. I feel everything seems funny. And I do things and I find it funny.

@1:04:19 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
True beauty does not come from your face. Yeah, it comes from the light that's within you. People see that and they experience the energy and the information flowing from you as a light source and they're attracted to light.
Like moths. Oh, I put on my makeup today. When in fact it is the energy that is expanding in you.
that is allowing some that other people can now start recognizing. So the other thing that you can do is start noticing when people compliment you.
Oh, you look beautiful today. You look so radiant. The little match will, the little match will is not only frightened.
But she's also. She's a covert narcissist. Yeah. it's all about her. Just. It's all about her.

@1:06:00 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, I mean.

@1:06:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
in negatively manipulative way. She definitely has reason to be sad and definitely has reason to be wanting, but she epitomizes the lack or the want of wanting.
It's morale down, epitomizes another form of wanting, and another form of narcissism, more in terms of the grandiose non-assistance.

@1:06:42 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, it seems like the little match girl, she is like in she has a lack of resources, and as a lack of power.

@1:06:52 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
That's a distinction. So now you know when you're feeling

@1:07:00 - Selika Cerofolini
resourceless, which is people's law of money, heat, and it's Miranda's lack of power. And she gets very angry when she feels she's been put down and she doesn't get power.

@1:07:23 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And she gets vindictive, and also envious. And she does the most gaslighting. First of all, she gaslights herself by lying to herself that what she is doing is not actually causing the problem.
But it is someone else.

@1:08:09 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah. Oh, I've been in here a lot. Yeah, it's a pretty... It's a pretty primordial energy that is very attractive because us that primitive like , sensuality...

@1:08:39 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It's the typical... It's the typical textbook grandiose narcissist. It's super attractive winning but shallow and manipulative because it's all about her and she has no regard for anyone else.
None. There is no humanity there.

@1:09:06 - Selika Cerofolini
Hmm.

@1:09:08 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
She might as well be a robot.

@1:09:13 - Selika Cerofolini
Hmm. I see her more like an animal.

@1:09:19 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
True. That makes sense.

@1:09:23 - Selika Cerofolini
That makes complete sense. Like a little animal.

@1:09:28 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes. That cannot discern from one thing to another or has no choice in the matter because the fact of the matter is animals have no choice.

@1:09:36 - Selika Cerofolini
They follow their DNA.

@1:09:38 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Hmm. The instinct tells them they do this that in the next thing. Hmm. They have and they and let's be honest, cats can have with their mother, their father or their brother or sister.
Because that's the animal kingdom. They have no choice in the matter. There's no discernment or consideration. can't. They have victims to that.
yeah and that's sad and so as feather who's elevated and lighter both in terms of light as well as weight yeah I think that's why I also lost weight the fact that you weren't eating was helped well I like the fasting thing that I'm doing I like like I feel very good in this body without those like I mean it's just three kilos or something but I feel very different and I feel great now here's the other there's another distinction that you can make am I not eating out of wanting or am I not eating because I literally I'm
I just can't. There's too much energy going through me, that I literally, my body does not need to eat at this point in time, that you actually, that you, that you basically feel like you just want to drink things.

@1:11:14 - Selika Cerofolini
It's not that I'm not eating yet.

@1:11:16 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I'm eating a lot as always. If you look at, if you look at the animals in terms of the caterpillar and the butterfly, what's the diet of the butterfly?

@1:11:25 - Selika Cerofolini
Well, a little bit of pollen here and there. Mectar. Mectar.

@1:11:33 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It drinks. The caterpillar chews.

@1:11:39 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@1:11:41 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I know that sounds silly, but it's a distinction.

@1:11:48 - Selika Cerofolini
I think like, but for me, it's good because I, I mean, I also, like, if I to do the 17 hours of fasting, I will to do
just do them but the thing is at some point I'm like oh maybe I wish I could eat and then I'm like you're really hungry and I'm not really so I'm like no I'm fine like it's just the thought that I cannot eat that I want to eat but it's not it's not that and then after when I'm hungry I eat now the thing was fasting it's it's a bit of it's a very delicate one it's a very it's very on the knife edge because there's a few things involved yeah a little girl marked as a self I don't have food I can't eat not because I don't want to but because I can't is Moralda I refuse food

@1:13:01 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And both of them are punishing themselves.

@1:13:12 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, I mean for me food was a lot of emotional compensation and now it's not that I'm I'm not like I also indulge if I want to.
But it's just a different education. And it breaks my tie with this addiction to food as an emotional compensation.
Yes.

@1:13:49 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
That's how I see it. Yes. So you already know exactly what you're doing. That's perfect.

@1:14:02 - Selika Cerofolini
What do you think this sciatica is?

@1:14:06 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Which side? Which side?

@1:14:11 - Selika Cerofolini
Like, a part of me doesn't want to move forward, I feel.

@1:14:15 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Strangely enough, that's not necessarily the case.

@1:14:18 - Selika Cerofolini
Okay.

@1:14:19 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Um, sciatica, sciatica also indicates a, um, because it's on the hip.

@1:14:39 - Selika Cerofolini
Okay. Back here.

@1:14:42 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes.

@1:14:43 - Selika Cerofolini
And then the leg. And the, the, the, the All your ankle, all your ankle swelling.

@1:14:52 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
No. Oh, good. Okay. The, the thing with, with, um, sciatica specifically, specifically, on the right side is the it's it's normally got to do with money.

@1:15:06 - Selika Cerofolini
And your right side is the giving side. Giving right side is the giving side. Left is receiving.

@1:15:19 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So when did you start feeling more giving? When? When? How long has the side taken been going on?

@1:15:33 - Selika Cerofolini
Well, it got on and off. I've added like four. I've got no so many years. now this time around it got worse since I don't know a couple of a month, a month and a half.

@1:15:55 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Because it can indicate a fear of over giving or giving from lack, if that makes sense.

@1:16:04 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah. Because talking about eating, I need to eat enough because I have to eat enough. No, I feel I need it.
Yeah. I think it's like my system is like goes low because you, because it's new, it's freaking out. It's like, can we do this?
Yes.

@1:16:30 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Because it's also the forward moving aspect. It's also the masculine aspect of not just giving money, but giving love.
Now, here's an interesting thing is that what you have to understand is that same thing that you had with the business idea that came from a place of genuine.
Love, from a genuine passion, was no wanting, it was not transactional as it's called.

@1:17:09 - Selika Cerofolini
No.

@1:17:32 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Oh, yes. Yes. a little match girl reaction.

@1:18:04 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, I'm very aware of that.

@1:18:11 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
then besides that, on just a pure physical aspect, look at the way in which you're sitting.

@1:18:21 - Selika Cerofolini
No, it's up. I should go. I know I have to go to an obstacle path because there's something, I think, with my spine that maybe is not aligned.

@1:18:41 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
What's interesting is you're realigning. Yeah. we're talking about that, putting the little girl in her right place.

@1:18:50 - Selika Cerofolini
Exactly. And my Reiki teacher, who is a gong master. So. There's a lot of music going on there, and on Friday, I'm going to give Reiki to people during a going back That's gonna be awesome like with the solstice and the full moon and oh, yes, yes Yes, and she said that next time like I did Reiki That time and she's like, you know, if you want Next time and I remember like that's exactly what what I wanted to go for.
She's like we can also do Chakra realignment and I think but now in a little bit, you know First let the Reiki do his thing and then do the chakra realignment Well, and I feel like yeah, that's exactly it The energetic level what I need to help the whole process Yeah It's coming together, yes

@1:20:01 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So, here's the interesting thing, the space that you are occupying right now is also the place of flow, but it's also the place of feather, a rightness, of balance, of wholeness, but here's something that you, that you didn't take into consideration before today, you have a choice, and if you could choose, you would obviously choose feather, so choose feather, and what you will find is that other identities will suddenly fall into alignment.

@1:21:01 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, I think I've been doing it intuitively.

@1:21:05 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, you have. Now what you need to do is again go back to the beginning and see where did it start.
What was your, what was your original sin?

@1:21:26 - Selika Cerofolini
Ah, I got an enlightenment and insight about that because with all this thing about the universe that I experienced during break, not only like during my, during the retreats there were these moments of great connection with the great mother, I call her.
And this image like of the universe that really floored me, like it was crazy. They like wiped me to the floor in tears of belonging, of joy.
And, and I had some of those moments and, and I remember doing Reiki, I'm like, I don't care about anything else, but being one with the mother again.
And, and that would be it. That's, that's how I'm gonna spend his life and take what he made. And so, I, and then life goes on and I am kind of on and off with that.
But I remember exactly during the Reiki, like the moment, I'm like, this is the only thing that matters, nothing else, nothing.
And also, when I, you know, was thinking about a guy trying to manifest in my experiments with my investing, this love of a guy, you know, like then, I think it's not happening because the love of a guy,
It immediately becomes the love of God, like for me, it's almost like I don't really care, like what I care about is the love of God, because I imagine this guy and then I just imagine like a flow of like coming from above and just washing me.
And I'm like, this is really what I want, I mean this is really what I want, a guy can come in and we can, you know, watch this answer together, great.
But what I really want is not a guy, is this guy, and so what you really want is somebody that can facilitate that experience for you with him, him for you and you for him.
And it requires dynamic agreement. requires what?

@1:23:53 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Dynamic agreement.

@1:23:55 - Selika Cerofolini
With whom?

@1:23:58 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
With yourself, first of all. And secondly, with him, nature, if you understand correctly, is that with dynamic agreement, you have an agreement with yourself and with the universe that you are on this planet for however long you are willing to be here.
Because you can take yourself out at any point in time. It's a valid option. But the agreement is dynamic.
In other words, you choose on a daily, weekly, monthly, moment-by-moment basis.

@1:24:33 - Selika Cerofolini
And so the person, for me, like also like commandically would be somebody that lets me pursue and flourish and realize these aspects.
I mean, it doesn't have necessarily to be the same for him. Maybe I can help him with whatever he wants.
You know.

@1:24:54 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
First of all, it has to be mute. It has to be a win-win for everyone. But think of you first.

@1:25:01 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah. Oh, yeah.

@1:25:03 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Number one, think of you first in that regard, but also be that.

@1:25:15 - Selika Cerofolini
Be what?

@1:25:17 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Be that. Be that person for yourself.

@1:25:22 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah. Yeah. feel I'm being like a great partner.

@1:25:26 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And appreciate it. Appreciate Appreciate the expectation, the being pregnant.

@1:25:39 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@1:25:46 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So start preparing for it.

@1:25:52 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, I think I'm preparing.

@1:25:56 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So create space in your life. your home and your mind for that person. What do you have in that aspect of your life that is taking up space, that's been there for years and years and years, and grandma's peaches?

@1:26:29 - Selika Cerofolini
Well, I had my ex-boyfriend, I'll be buying a lot of space for one, not a bad husband, I think, maybe him too.

@1:26:43 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Because men in general, what peaches are you holding on to with men in general? Does that make sense?

@1:26:57 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, yeah. I, like I think it's the feeling that there would take advantage of me.

@1:27:20 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
In what way do you take advantage of yourself, of your own vulnerability?

@1:27:25 - Selika Cerofolini
I don't respect it.

@1:27:31 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I hurt it. You manipulate it and use it as a weapon to get what you want.

@1:27:39 - Selika Cerofolini
I also don't listen to it. Like I treated like a little wine eating egg.

@1:27:44 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
You deny it, you reject it and you pretend it doesn't exist. You just ignore it. Yeah. So, what, what of that aspect of your life actually is good, which aspect that aspect of, hmm, not in my vulnerability, yes, it's good, not honoring the vulnerability, yes, what is good, because if you have to think about it like this, all behavior is geared towards a positive intent.
Yes, I mean, I'm trying not to get hurt or something, right? Yes, exactly, and so you have to honor that.

@1:28:51 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@1:28:53 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So, you have to then start looking at that part of you. Perhaps you're right, and say, thank you for trying to

@1:29:01 - Selika Cerofolini
Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah.

@1:29:04 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Thank you for doing such a great job. Also ask it to be a bit more clear in terms of the message.
What are you trying to tell me? It will speak.

@1:29:17 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, I know it thinks like we're going too fast. You know, interesting.

@1:29:28 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So there's an aspect of fear. There's an aspect of fear that you might lose the middle ground that you're on right now.
Yes.

@1:29:45 - Selika Cerofolini
I think I have to go slow because also when you said the thing like about, you know, the guy about the vulnerability and so on.
And it just makes me feel, okay, when I meet someone, I don't just throw my tells. Like, I take care of myself.
So let's see who's this person is. If you can respect my vulnerability, if it's the right person for me, just don't jump my guns.
And I want to go slow. And I think this is the message. Stay grounded, go slow, things are not gonna run away.

@1:30:23 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Here's another, here's another thing to actually think of. If you could, if it comes down to a considered life.
That makes sense.

@1:30:37 - Selika Cerofolini
Considered, you said?

@1:30:39 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Considered life, yes. It's also a consideration and considering and discernment is important.

@1:30:49 - Selika Cerofolini
Conscious life, yes.

@1:30:51 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Consciousness, actually, consciousness, everything is conscious.

@1:30:55 - Selika Cerofolini
So it's a self-aware life.

@1:30:58 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So it's being able to recognize as myself, in others, and in the mirror, in the mirror of someone else.

@1:31:14 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, yeah. Also, there's no rush. And I've lived always in a rush kind of thing, I mean, my ex-boyfriend, for example, a musician, course, who was like the perfect, you know, music and very spiritual and so on, but he probably would have never been ready, but it is also true that I was pushing very soon.
But I think when I meet the right person, things are going to happen fast, but it won't feel like it's fast.

@1:31:58 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Remember, you have to be that right person first, yeah. And so you need to make peace with the aspect of you that doesn't want to go fast, that doesn't want to do anything it wants to do, it wants to do actually the opposite.
You've got to make peace with that and acknowledge it.

@1:32:31 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, yeah. I'm starting to like it to not go fast, to just savor things, just go fast when when needed.
But also like, you know, I don't know why my brain went there, but when like, for example, with these messages, they wrote to these people, right?
and sharing and so on. Like, for example, I'm I'm also like working with the feeling of like I know it came to me, I know it's the right thing, and I'm doing it.
So instead of Monday, I did it yesterday, right? But then, okay, it didn't feel like I was in the height of excitement.
Well, I was doing it, but that I kind of decided to do it. Now, I really like to do things where I'm into them.
But at the same time, I think it's okay because there's maybe a part that is still fearful of reaching out, so that's kind of blocking me.
And also I want to show my commitment to my path. And even when I don't feel 120 souls that maybe is too even too high, I'm doing it.

@1:33:51 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, because there's a commitment to who you are. But here's another aspect that you can use. Allow reality. to dictate when, where, and how.

@1:34:04 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@1:34:05 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
In other words, connect your decision-making to external reality. In other words, when the doorbell rings, I will take the rubbish out.
Or when my phone rings, it'll get me to do something else. It's a sign that I need to do something.
So I choose, I say, these are the things I need to do, but at the right moment I will do them as the spirit leads me, as life leads me.

@1:34:33 - Selika Cerofolini
Thank you.

@1:34:36 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So in that way, you are also dancing through life.

@1:34:40 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah. Actually, I send an email when I receive an email from them, like a newsletter. So they wrote me, I'm like, okay, then I'm going.

@1:34:51 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Here's the other thing. Trust your nose, both spiritually and physically, and your ears. Don't trust your eyes.

@1:35:00 - Selika Cerofolini
Interesting.

@1:35:01 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Don't trust what you see. Trust what you hear and what you smell.

@1:35:14 - Selika Cerofolini
That's interesting because I have a lot of visions.

@1:35:19 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes and they can be very confusing and they can take you off away from your center out into the clouds and your feet are not on the ground.
Because you have to remember you are earth out for a specific reason. You are divinely human. Being human and being human is a difficult thing to be.
But it is more than being a God or being God.

@1:36:04 - Selika Cerofolini
That's interesting because like one of the things that like, you know, characterizes me is to have this bird view of things like high perspective.
And that to me, it's kind of a vision that I have or sometimes I have visions of people like I had a vision about my friend the other morning.
So I do trust my visions. You say I shouldn't or it's a different kind of vision.

@1:36:37 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I'm saying trust what you hear internally and externally. That's why part of that's why the music is important.

@1:36:47 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, internally, to me, like what really guides me is my sense of knowing, like, you know, I think it's called Clef cognizance.
I just know things. and they can tell you how to score, but it's just still it in my bones.

@1:37:04 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
What you need to do is actually codify that or write it down. Yeah. So that somebody else can check it so that there's a reality check involved.
Because otherwise you are chasing and not, and I'm not saying that you're not accurate. That's not what I'm saying.
I'm just saying you need to be able to confirm.

@1:37:27 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah. Hmm.

@1:37:38 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
How do you feel?

@1:37:40 - Selika Cerofolini
Good. Yeah. Well, yeah. I'm not really like I like to play it around with the with the knowing, like some things they just know and usually they're right.
But I don't I don't get too thick. say it on it. Like I just like to take it as a game and see if I play playfully and see if then it corresponds.

@1:38:08 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I'm like, oh, that's how I thought. The best place to be is to not go. Yeah, because then you can be late.

@1:38:16 - Selika Cerofolini
If you know, the inner knowing is not that I know, it's the guidance.

@1:38:22 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And it's and it's a strange, uncomfortable feeling because you are not sure, but you sure at the same time.

@1:38:34 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, I'm pretty sure when I have those feelings that are of knowing, pretty sure.

@1:38:40 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
But I hear you what you say with the hearing. So instead of relying on what you think you see or what you in something external, people will tell you, they will tell you what they are doing because they can't help it.
So listen carefully, they will tell you they motives. Listen carefully. There is that thing I can smell a rat.

@1:39:17 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I do have a, I mean it's, it's all, it's all connected.

@1:39:27 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, it is.

@1:39:29 - Selika Cerofolini
I can't, I can't explain like how I'm guided. Maybe like I'm going to pay more attention, see what, what is most there.
But I know the, the knowing.

@1:39:41 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Always look for two confirmations. Before you say anything, look for two confirmations. See it once, see it confirmed, here it confirmed.
Taste with a, another same and then say it. If that makes sense?

@1:40:02 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah. But I mean, it's not about what I say, really. It's these guidance is guiding me. not that I have to say anyone.
It's like I know for me.

@1:40:17 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And the same thing is the same thing applies. Shake it twice. Don't go in the first instance of that accident.

@1:40:26 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, I think what you're saying, do you know human design?

@1:40:29 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes.

@1:40:31 - Selika Cerofolini
I think what you're saying connects to me being a projector. Yes. Who needs to be invited into things. So I may know something and usually is correct.
But I have to be invited into it nonetheless. Yes. And better if I get invited twice. True. I say yes to it.
So. Yeah, it makes sense.

@1:41:01 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Is there what you mean? Exactly. Okay, cool.

@1:41:06 - Selika Cerofolini
Okay.

@1:41:09 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Are you feeling more secure in where you are and where you go? Because there's another aspect that's coming into this and that is the settling in the middle, settling in further, in this space.
Because until the fear of being taken out of it goes away, you can be taken out of it. I can.
Yes, but here's the caveat. You have a choice where you haven't had a choice before.

@1:41:53 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah.

@1:41:55 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So just make a list. What's better?

@1:42:00 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, no, I don't do this.

@1:42:01 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I know already. Like, exactly. You already know. So be better.

@1:42:09 - Selika Cerofolini
But the up the you asked me about the childhood episode where I got disconnected. And I think I have it like I have this this I think is that moment where I was like four five and in my mind and five where I understood the commercial identity.
And I said to myself, now I'm now I'm a grown-up. I understand their language. The adults, right? Because it seemed like they weren't listening to me.
It's almost like I felt I remember like I felt I had things to say to them. I had a lot of opinions and you know,
Also, these images and visions and stuff, I knew things, knew actually, I knew things. But they thought I was just, they didn't listen to me because I was a baby or whatever.
then that day, I, you know, commercial, I understood the commercial and I'm like, I am a grown-up now. I understand this because, you know, commercials for a kid are more difficult, like, there are adult language, things that maybe are not said, whatnot, like, you know, it's not a cartoon, it's a grown-up thing, la publicity.
So I'm like, huh? And I think there, I sold my connection to fit into them, to speak their language, kind of be like them, accepted by them.
them. And I don't know if I'm like, if this thing is even real or but with these old like things about the universe and like how I am up there, out there, there is all like this talk about star seeds and stuff.
And I feel like I have to say somewhere like I come from like because I've always feeling kind of weird in this earth.
And I don't know the rules. I realize that I'm learning the rules now. But I didn't know the rules.
Like up to now, like I didn't for me to not sense how this works. Like mostly. And I'm like, whatever, but I'm here.
So I might as well learn the rules. But I feel like I come from another planet. And in my family, my mom was like, where are you come?
Where do you come from? Like, I'm the only one that is interested in being like that. I'm interested. this relationship with nature and it's just different and and and so I'm like maybe I do come from such a planet and in that moment I'm like give me and I have to speak their language or that never listen to me like you know so I think there I started a conflict between being connected and then and fitting in and speaking their language yeah being understood I was lost in translation makes sense yeah oh and when I went to the gynecologist that he did like the inside thing to see the my ovaries it was so beautiful Ian I heard my heart it was incredible like I relaxed immediately
But I heard my heart in my womb, and I swear, that's the sound of the universe. Oh my goodness, it was a sound of being expectant.
Yes, it was different than I know.

@1:46:20 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It's not a wanting, it's not an emptiness, it's a fullness that is just, that is, that is pregnant on an energetic level, if that makes sense, it is open and to, open to receive.

@1:46:34 - Selika Cerofolini
Incredible, like, the sound of the universe is the same, is that it was, I was like, yes, I could stay here forever here in this.

@1:46:49 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
That space, that sound, is connected to feather.

@1:46:53 - Selika Cerofolini
Maybe I should listen more of those sounds. can find them everywhere at the NASA website or...

@1:47:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
try and find if you can hear it within you yes oh I can I know I can because you want to hear you you want to hear your authentic sound your authentic music so now you can listen for it in other music but it has to resonate with your sound that's what I mean by listening anyway Selika thank you so much you've got and so now you can talk to yourself in a different way little match girl is Meralda or feather
Who's talking now? Ouch! That's Rumashko. Hold on a second. Wait, wait, wait. You're not such a victim. Is Moralda hold on a second?
Stop manipulating like that. You're not such a big shot. Because it's not about the diva, it's about the opera.
The opera makes the diva, makes the diva, you say it's not about you, it's not about the diva, it's about the opera.

@1:48:40 - Selika Cerofolini
We are in service to the opera.

@1:48:43 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, you in service to the music. The music does not come from you, it flows through you in feather, and that makes you dance.

@1:49:00 - Selika Cerofolini
What I tell all about my ex-boyfriend is really easy in service to the music. It really is not about it.
I think that what I wanted for me.

@1:49:13 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So do you understand now why you need to dance and where the dancing comes?

@1:49:18 - Selika Cerofolini
Yeah, dancing more carelessly lately, like I don't care.

@1:49:28 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I'm going forwards two steps forward once they're back. That's just a dance. That's not a failure. That's just a dance.
Anyway, you have a fantastic evening. You too? Oh, well, it's evening this side. You're having a great morning. So if you have a fantastic morning, make notes and start noticing the differentiations.
the distinctions between the identities and start noticing because when it settles completely, there will be a surge of energy.
But you might probably only notice that after the fact and not before or even during. And that's the best way to notice it.
But start listening to the music. My suggestion is play Apple Music. Go on Apple and... Found them.

@1:50:46 - Selika Cerofolini
Found them.

@1:50:48 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, random. Latids and then choose songs that you like. And you can teach it to play songs for you and might create your own station.
Okay, and then I can start teaching you how to create a spell book with music because the next step is literally learning digital alchemy, which is digital magic.
Celica, namaste, a fantastic day, we'll chat again soon, I'll get there.
Dr Eon & Selika - July 10

VIEW RECORDING - 108 mins (No highlights)


@0:04 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
How are you?

@0:06 - Selika
How are you?

@0:08 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Why are you smiling like that?

@0:10 - Selika
I don't How have you been? I've been well. Maybe I'm smiling like this, a little bit mischievous because I feel I'm on to something.

@0:39 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Okay, that's good. Good. What are you on to?

@0:48 - Selika
I realized a few things in these weeks. You watch stuff and reflection come to you and Most of them are around power and I think that's what we talked about.
The first time we talked like about hemorrhaging power. Remember, I had the water thing. Yes. I couldn't retain it.
Moisture. And so I'm following this workshop of this woman. This is amazing. She's currently missed. you know her? She's a medical intuitive.

@1:30 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, I've heard of her.

@1:31 - Selika
Right. She brought this book Anatomy of the Spirit and then others. And she has this workshop online like a, you know, recording of her workshop for like really 50 dollars, like 10 hours of teachings.
It's amazing. She's amazing. And so that makes me reflect a lot as well. And so there's power. I know the belief I hold.
around it, right? then, okay, then the boyfriend thing happened, ex-boyfriend thing happened that I wrote you about. And I think the power thing is something, also I remember I wrote you another email about me not feeling I'm not stepping into my power, so it's been around for a little bit.

@2:25 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes.

@2:27 - Selika
And the ex-boyfriend thing really like sparked something for me because when he invited me to his birthday and in the end I didn't go, like I feel I wanted to cling to that situation, but my body was screaming and I was feeling the hemorrhage, like I was physically like, what is this sensation?
Like, it's just a barbecue with a bunch of musicians, super fun on summer, my friend is coming with me and something in me was like, don't chase after him.
Don't go after him, right? And so I would feel like I really felt this hemorrhageal of power happening. Unfortunately, I didn't go.
I did still invited him like if you one day come around here come to my place, but I offer you an opportunity, but it will never happen.
It was not really a proper invite. I don't know why I had to do that, but I saw the importance of not going.
The thing is the guy is in my mind a lot because I'm sure the, I mean, I'm sure our union is karmic and is fated like the we are kind of twin flames or something that it's really like it was meant to be our encounter.
But it's beyond, and my logical mind, yes, my human mind, my small mind is like, why can't this happen?
want this to happen. There's no reason we are perfect if we would just go blah, blah, blah, blah. But my bigger mind is like, you know, there are dynamics that you can't understand, like that you're not even have to understand.
And many things that are up here, let go, like it's happening exactly what needs to happen. And so I released it to God, and I told him, like, I promise I will not take an initiative because I know it's wrong for me.
If this has to happen in any way, I will see it, it will come to me. But otherwise, there was that, you know.
I accept it. And blessings. And it's, it's a great. And because I made this promise to God, like, I feel motivated to maintain it, then I would say to myself, don't reach out.
You know, I'm like, it's almost like, I trust something bigger than me to just guide me. And, and then I'm opening up to, to follow this guidance, finally.
So that's the thing. At the same time, I also had an experience super weird. I don't know if I wrote it to you or it didn't happen yet.
Maybe it did. This thing of a past life.

@5:53 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes.

@5:54 - Selika
I wrote it to you. Yeah.

@5:56 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So I would say yes.

@5:58 - Selika
To the evanescence, right? it was like bring me back to life like that very heavy song which i love always loved and as i was dancing it it was so crazy and like i i started fighting with somebody and i could see him i could feel him i could feel the blows obviously like no so but i was almost like in a acting thing yes yes i went i went for it i went with it and i let it i wanted to see what it what it happened yes and with my instinct and and i was ferocious like i was a beast he was a beast but i was a beast like it and i aggressiveness like a nanny animal aggressiveness that i actually liked
I felt very powerful even if I could never win with like a big man over him but I gave it all.
I gave it all in the fight and if I could I could have killed him with no remorse. It was like pure survival and it felt good honestly to be connected with death, ferociousness and then he won and I was then down right on the floor because one thing about this past life is also like it was like my partner so he also was like me basically and I was having all these children that I didn't want and so on and I so I was down like laying down like this on the floor and I was crying and crying and there I felt resentment.
towards life and towards God, because he would just keep me trapped in them, misery. Why nobody is saving me from this, yeah?
Why you are not saving me from this? Why am I in this misery that it's inescapable, or redeemable? And I also went with it, you know, like I cried and and these and that, and then a new song came up.
And it was the song that said, when I come around and so it talks about somebody, some presence, and it's like stop beating yourself.
What are you the hell are you doing? Like, you know, you're gonna get me when I come around. Like, you know what I'm like, okay, clear.
It was so funny. And I'm like, I still grind then. And yeah, and I went on with my day.
It was so surreal. But it was real. Oh, so real.

@9:17 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So real and so real. And so real, exactly. Brilliant.

@9:23 - Selika
So yeah, so I think and there I felt that I'm hearing this karmic imprint of distrust with men, with God, probably, who like in my religion, like of origin, is identified as man empowering, right?
Like I, and I had the sense that I could be stuck in the fight. stack at the fight level, where I keep fighting and fighting, and I find my power in the fight, but I don't get over it.
just keep fighting, like my default mode is fighting, and it feels so good, because I feel so powerful, and I love it.
And then I cannot let go of the fight. I think it's kind of an addiction thing, yeah? Whether, because I feel powerful there.

@10:34 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
You're in control, even if you lose, you're in control, and okay, carry on, I'm listening.

@10:42 - Selika
Oh, but more or less is this, and so I have all this bunch of insights bouncing around my mind, and I'm giving myself sometimes to, you know, then talking to you, and journaling, trying.
I'm sure that they will find their place because i'm steering stuff up and i'm very determined to get to the bottom of this not only by june light when it's second when leo seasons begin and i want to go i want to move on like then it's manifestation time is creativity time it's fun time and i'm getting deep now but you also have to let go you can be brawling in this stuff too long right the part of this is i did not tell you about grandma's peaches yes okay that is basically what's going on now is that you have to let go of grandma's peaches yes it's a it's a multi-generational multi-dimensional attachment that you have that you put there that's

@12:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
that is yours and yours alone, whether the power of life was real or not, is irrelevant, it's something that you are holding onto and that's holding onto you.
And as soon as you let go of it, you will realize that it was not as, it was not as much the thing that you needed to learn, but more the thing of you needed to accept that you actually could let go with because it was a choice.

@12:30 - Selika
Could it go because?

@12:32 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It is a choice. Because you've got two, you've got two ethics here and if you go back and look at it and just feel where you are at, remember at the beginning there was a void, the discomfort of the patient moment in terms of the void, the wanting.
Now you're experiencing the space experience where appreciation and gratitude is. And that space expands as well, but that space is also the place where you are whole.
and where you are balanced but the discomfort is still there wait can me that again I have to close the door because I hear you like a little low but I want to catch you okay I don't I don't have headphones for this computer nothing works but okay I'm gonna put my headphones off and see which which one you hear better okay but you can hear me hello hello hello hello hello hello can you hear better now yes okay cool I'm looking use the headphones okay fantastic so I was in the void before and now I'm experiencing the space and the space is the place where you are in balance and when because the space is manifestation
space is a manifestation of the space being manifest and so manifestation is not doing something other than being in the space and being in the space allows for other things desires and needs to be made because that's when you think it and it happens.

@14:21 - Selika
So my intuition to do the work kind of clear things up then let go and open up to manifestation is kind of right.

@14:32 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Basically what you're doing is if you stay in the space of if you stay in the space that stuff basically automatically happens because it's part of the space part of letting go.
You've got to be careful in terms of being just as vigilant about the discomfort now as you will before so the discomfort will never go away that discomfort will always be there.
But the more present you are in it, the more you realize, but it is not as uncomfortable as it was the thought of it being uncomfortable.
What's interesting is, and you already, this is what the digital alchemy, basically one of the cornerstones of digital alchemy is listening to the music of the universe.
And having the music of the universe, whatever station is coming through, the specific music that you're doing, letting it affirm where you are in the present moment.
That's how you know I'm right here, right now, God is with me, because where are you? are?

@15:51 - Selika
Here.

@15:52 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
You are God.

@15:53 - Selika
You understand?

@15:56 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And so the affirmation of the music plays along with where you are at and so you know how long you need to do the divination to see where am I going you don't need to read the tarot anymore because the music is telling you exactly what's happened.

@16:17 - Selika
I have to put on more radio stations because I have my playlist but it's always the same songs.

@16:25 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Exactly so I don't know if you've got Apple music but No. It doesn't really matter whichever one you work with.
But it's fun. Then use Spotify and lead the music playing and you and exactly great song yes exactly. And you will notice that if you listen you will notice that the music is either playing in or you're either in tune or you're out of tune but it confirms or affirms where you're out

@17:00 - Selika
because life is playing music at you, okay.

@17:07 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
That's part of the dance, that's part of the celebration, that's part of the appreciation, because as soon as you stay there, appreciation appreciates, but bear in mind that this is an in and out thing, so there will be an expansion, there will be contraction, the contractions will be less the more you go, but they will always be there because just like you have to sleep, so you also have to come back in and remember it's part of the remembering and remember the remembering happens on a daily moment by moment basis.
And so look at the names that you've given yourself, the names that came up, little magical and Elsa and yes, so if you want to, create a little avatar for them and just give them the, but you already know that the feeling that the little magical is exactly and because you can choose, stay with, stay with who you are, stay with your authentic self.
Exactly, that's what I'm, that's exactly what I'm hearing.

@18:41 - Selika
Yeah, yeah, the characters didn't leave me like I could see when I was, Esmeralda, like also when I invited my ex or something, I'm like, what do you want from it?
You want something, you still want something from him.

@18:54 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And the wanting will never end because it's either the wanting or the space because they both because the wanting is
the void and the void becomes the space. But it will always be there. It is staying present in the discomfort of the moment where you can choose where you are.
You either appreciate or you resent.

@19:16 - Selika
So I can also like realize, be aware that I want something from him, but I can also invite him as feather.
Like it doesn't matter if I end up like, I don't know, seeing him, for example, but I can be feather in that moment.
I can not want something from him. So it's not about doing one thing or the other. Like in this case, I know it's not right for me to chase after him.
I'm not going to do it. But in case it happens by light, I can be feathered there.

@19:58 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Because it is the point. Love is the law. The whole idea is to follow the law. Love is the law.
Love under will, will in the service of life. So the love in the service of, love under will in the service of life is the, is the time.

@20:33 - Selika
Love under will, and what does it mean love under will?

@20:37 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It means that your love is, is, is under your command, but under the command of your higher will, which is under the command of life itself, or in the service of life itself.
And life itself speaks to you through music, through

@21:00 - Selika
programs that you watch advertising it speaks to you all the time that's when you know you're in flow but more to choosing what to watch right true you are and they are and there are times where there's a free flow of music and it just speaks exactly to where you are where you are at the moment yeah because the other thing that i'm realizing is all these beliefs right because of the workshop she has to do an exercise like what are your beliefs that are make you bleed your power and more agile power and all of these beliefs like i should be listened to says who like it's a lot that you want that's i want that you have to that becomes you have to listen to me you have to pay attention
to me. You have to love me. You have to understand that we're perfect together, right? All the same stuff.

@22:09 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And so in what way are you actually causing more confusion than clarity? Because that's something we tend to do to ourselves.
In order to stay in control, we confuse things not just for ourselves but for others so that we can stay in control of the because we're afraid of the discomfort of the present moment.
We're afraid of the authority that that present moment brings and the responsibility of that moment.

@22:36 - Selika
Right, of not knowing what the other person is going to do, what's going to happen?

@22:42 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Because it's uncertainty. Exactly.

@22:48 - Selika
And then at the same time I can make choices meaning I will associate with people who listen to me.
Why should I stay with people who don't listen to me, right? But it's different. It's like I bring myself to the place where I'm recognized or appreciated or uh But life brings you there also Yeah And so the the um Don't if you don't force if you don't don't get stuck in the wanting what is not happening Yes Yes, exactly Because otherwise you stay in the default fighting mode Hmm Because in the default fighting mode you're in control Yeah, you want to be in that place of being comfortable with the uncomfortable present moment Yeah And for me another intuition that I had like it's Being in control fighting and giving Also giving is a form of being in control like always being in the universe.
Yes And so I'm like We got to receive and we have to receive without feeling that we owe anybody anything.
Where does that start, Where does that start? The receiving? Well, for me, my intuition was that I had to start with my dad.

@24:25 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Good place to start.

@24:28 - Selika
I had to start with my dad because, I mean, obviously received from me, nurture myself and receive from life.
But my dad is a challenge and I think I'm gonna get something by doing that because he wants to give to me all the time.
He wants to give me love. He wants to give me money. He wants to give and give and give and send him a message on his day.
I'm Bonjourne, Bonjourne, Bonjourne, Bonjourne, Bonjourne, And I was complaining about it. Oh my God. It's so suffocating. It's always saying the same thing.
And then it doesn't really listen to me. And he does that because he wants me to love him. There is a degree of manipulation that my dad does because he wants love back.
But I'm also free to not play that game. Yes. I'm free to receive what he wants to give me without feeling I owe him anything.
But the love that I do have for him and I will express when I will express it. But I don't have to feel suffocated.
I'm free to not feel suffocated.

@25:46 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It's choice.

@25:48 - Selika
so I think like by starting to receive because when I receive I always feel like Oh, I have to make it even.

@25:57 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Right?

@25:58 - Selika
Yes. That's the second. I transform it into transaction and I started with my friend if they want to offer me a dream Okay, but I don't say next time.
love it to you. No, I take it. Thank you very much When I want if I want I will do it Yes, and that's it Like I give my friend my time.
I don't expect anything in return. Exactly Also the law the law of giving and receiving doesn't work like that you give to somebody and then Something comes back to you from somewhere that you don't know Exactly.
I didn't get that before now. I see it. Yeah so Yeah, so I guess my Experience in Italy would be to let my parents spoil me to death And accepting it graciously yes Because that's that's difficult for me imagine imagine for a fighter To be a receiver.
I'm like well But, let's uncomfortable, actually.

@27:03 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It is uncomfortable. And so we come back to Grandma's beaches.

@27:15 - Selika
Let's go on the fight.

@27:21 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And it's tempting. It's really tempting.

@27:28 - Selika
It's a vision of the world, really. I understand that I also cannot attract like the love. Like, you know, there is this love, like some feeling of somebody or a family or a child or something.
It's so close that if I do like this, can touch it. And yet it's not entering. And I'm like, it's all odd.

@27:55 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Is it based in wanting?

@27:57 - Selika
Exactly.

@28:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
but you know that the funny thing is I don't even know if I want it why why like we've said it with this image because I'm perfectly fine is that something that is mine or something that I'm told I should want well women it's that's that's more pronounced than for men but yes women are taught to want a family want children want a husband because they but it it doesn't have to be that way who doesn't but it starts it starts with you anyway you can if you cannot appreciate if you can here's the thing if you cannot if you cannot see love in someone else you cannot experience it yourself you cannot see it in you you can only see it in someone else in there behind
in their beingness, because reflecting from you, every person is a mirror towards you. They are just mirroring you, that's all.
And so if you see ugly, you're giving off ugly. If you see beauty, the beauty is within you, just being reflected.
And so if you see the love, it's being reflected. If you see the giving, it's being reflected. So the quickest way to see, am I in that space, or am I in the void?
Am I wanting, or am I appreciating, is literally that? I wanting, or am I appreciating what I've gotten, where I came from, and where I'm going?
As soon as there's resentment, you know you're not in the space. Because resentment comes from that entitlement saying, I must have.
It is my right. So why universe only gives you what you are, the void can never be full, just like the space can never be full.

@30:46 - Selika
Yeah, and in fact I was and then something got to me and I was like, why am I up this image, you know, I felt, you know, like at some point it started to look like, you know, the movie.

@31:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Do you have a mind? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

@31:03 - Selika
It's a piece of Rannick, he is Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. friend would go shy, like that. Yes, yes, yes.
came like that. And I'm like, why I'm saying these blond people, and like they're like a mirage, I feel like this could be like a sketch of Rannick Todd, like this association really like, who I, because sometimes I do have visions and I do see like these visions, but it felt like why I'm conjuring up this image of happiness, of projected happiness in some kind of place and future, or dimension.
And I'm like, this is not real. Like, you know, this is just not real.

@31:48 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Remember, just like the dark hand that was over you, that is also your projection, also your creation. One hallucination.
Go between yourself in a different way, but same thing.

@32:00 - Selika
It's taking hold on me From like being here It's bringing me there Like what if that never happens What if that never materializes what am I gonna be miserable?
I'm doing great here So let's just be here, you know It's so this it's so weird and this is also when I get when I get to the bottom of this like Why am I I don't know what kind of relationship I want like I feel like I'm clearing up the canvas here and I have to start painting again.
I have no idea what to paint Yeah, good like I'm Like, I have a very strong maternal listing, that's true, like, when I was pregnant, I said that was completely natural for me.
do feel it, I do feel that being pregnant is a completely natural state for me. So I'm pretty sure that, that for sure I would want, yeah, why not?
Like, because I basically have been pregnant all the time. I think it's, you know, I'm first time. I'm just fertile and creative and creating.
So I guess that's the sensation. And, but in terms of our relationship, I don't know what I want. Is it important to understand it?
Well, I would just see what happens.

@34:03 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
The best place to be is to not know, because that gives the universe an opportunity to bring into your space the unexpected.

@34:16 - Selika
Okay. Now, then I have a question, because all of these manifestation people, they're all talking about being specific about what you want, and I always hated it.
When I do it, but I hated it, but it won't, it gets stuck to them.

@34:44 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
That's not you.

@34:45 - Selika
That's me.

@34:47 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
That's not real for you.

@34:49 - Selika
No. I'm sorry. I tried, but it never happened. My intentions are all about, you know, when I write on the new moon, I'm like, I'm able
will to be centering myself. am able to receive stuff like that. are my intentions. It's never about getting something.

@35:08 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It comes back down to, it comes back down to being in the space and allowing life to supply your needs and bring your desires.
But it is in the moment of being in the space that you say, Oh, I need. And you say it without the want, it just happens.
I know manifestation and it happens for you all the time. you're in the space, it happens for you all the time.
You're living in an apartment that is exactly what you want, with exactly what you desire.

@35:45 - Selika
I did describe it though.

@35:47 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
True, but it was not from a place of one, but it was not from a place of wanting.

@35:57 - Selika
No, because that was fine. Where I was.

@36:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I did. have any rush to move or anything. Exactly, there was no attachment. Exactly, there was no attachment.

@36:10 - Selika
And with the partner, there is attachment.

@36:12 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Exactly.

@36:15 - Selika
Well, I've excited with this damn partner. Like, I'm doing great. Like, like, it's sticky. what?

@36:28 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
think, you know, I, I get the interesting thing. What, what's the difference between having and having a partner?

@36:44 - Selika
Well, I want a sacred union, you know? Like, I, I don't find, or at least, I don't know these aspects of myself.

@37:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
But I don't find the- That's a good answer, that's a good answer. You don't know that aspect of yourself.

@37:10 - Selika
You think I just want to have ?

@37:14 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I think that's part of it. But only you can answer that. And remember love and are not the same thing.
Woman, oxytocin gets given off when a woman has . And she becomes attached to a man. For a man, that does not happen.
The oxytocin does not get given off when they're having . It might come later, but not then. And so women tend to have with a guy repeatedly thinking, Oh, one day he's going to come right and attach to me.
It doesn't happen that way.

@37:59 - Selika
No, why do men act like passion.

@38:02 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
There are various other reasons but the point being is you need to be aware of what you what you are what you wanting again.
What's the emptiness trying to be filled? Intimacy and is not the same thing either. One of biggest challenges we have is that our idea of love is very very recent and so literally the soulmate thing is only 150 years old.
200 years at the backs.

@38:42 - Selika
Do you think that's real?

@38:44 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
soulmate thing? No what what is the logically it makes no sense that is one person on the whole planet for you one person.

@38:58 - Selika
I don't think there's only one so that. I mean, soulmate, whatever, a partner that fits you, like somebody that I don't even want.
Honestly, when I see my future, I think about things. I think about my job, I think about having friends, and I think about living adventures and doing stuff much more than having a partner by my side, like it feels like it's suffocating for me.
So, do I have a problem with commitment? Or I, because every time I, you know, like money, a child, a partner, do you feel so definitive to me?
And I'm like, so, in a way, I want to attract them, in a way, I'm pushing them away. And I don't know what I want.
don't know. I don't know what's right for me. I don't know.

@40:06 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And the best way to solve that is by being aware of the present moment and allowing life to bring you what life wants to bring you.
And there you have to stay in the present moment. You have to stay in the space. challenge within this challenge with that space in this instance is that am I feeling lonely?

@40:28 - Selika
Yes.

@40:33 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Then you can say all of these beautiful things, but the loneliness doesn't, the loneliness makes you lie. I don't want to part.
don't want children. But meanwhile, I'm saying, Oh, please give me a partner.

@40:48 - Selika
Please give me children because I'm so lonely. Yes. So absolutely. I arrived to that conclusion as well. Because when I'm like with my friends and living
life and doing stuff I don't care but you with other people and you busy yeah but also what I'm here if I don't get into these thoughts I'm perfectly fine I like my feeling when you are feeling lonely is it a wanting space or is an appreciation space wanting great how can you true but true what can you appreciate about the aloneness because there's a big difference between being alone and being lonely but I'm afraid of being lonely but if I stay present I never feel lonely I don't I feel only by comparison only it's like I want to get out
So my friends get an opportunity or something and people are not around and I'm like, oh, if I had a partner, I could go with him.
Or I want to put on my pretty dress and be invited out to dinner. Those things, but emotionally or yes, I want to have definitely.
I mean, it's been years, man. And my doctor is like, yes, that's just thrown is a little low. Thank God.
Because if I had a high test to stay on, I would just I don't know what I would do.

@42:28 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
But boy, excuse me if talking about this, this is, but don't you have toys?

@42:36 - Selika
Yeah, but it's not the same thing.

@42:41 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
True and also not true. No, point is the point is your your parameters need to allow for you to live and be.

@42:56 - Selika
Hmm, tell me more.

@43:03 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
We've got hard and fast rules about lots of things, specifically around relationships. It has to be six foot tall, 200 pounds, be hung like a horse, look like whoever, must be my perfect lover, must be my companion, must love me to the ends of the earth, must be strong, powerful, be kind and gentle, and what the , we're looking for a sketch of raining.

@43:38 - Selika
You know, I write this description, to do the manifestation thing, and I don't believe it, I don't believe it, no coming to me, I'm gonna stop, it's torture, I, that's not an ounce of truth in that.

@43:55 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So why are you doing it?

@43:57 - Selika
Yeah, I don't know, right?

@44:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Hold on a second, why are you confusing yourself about it?

@44:04 - Selika
I don't know why I feel I'm confusing myself about it big time.

@44:08 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
That's exactly what you are doing. In other words, you are lying to yourself what you really want out of a relationship.
You don't want a relationship really. You want somebody that you can put in a cupboard and take out when you need them.

@44:26 - Selika
Yes. Maybe it's the same for the child. I do want to like a disposable child.

@44:39 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes. So what do you really want? You want to be sovereign still and yet now is this true? Does this ring true?
Would you like to be sovereign and still? be with someone, without, without losing yourself completely? Yes, Would you like the other person to feel the same about you and not lose themselves in you completely?

@45:18 - Selika
Yes, Great.

@45:25 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Does that mean that you have to be married? No. it mean that this person has to be a man?
No. Do you understand what I'm saying? There are certain parameters that you need to be clear about. In other words, what exactly do you want?
And it's got nothing to do with the one thing. It's got to do with the desire, but also you have to be clear about what am I wanting?
Where's the lack here? Am I... lacking in companionship? Am I lacking in love? Love is a different thing? Am I lacking in touch?
Am I lacking in ? Am I lacking in intimacy? What is the lack?

@46:12 - Selika
Yeah.

@46:13 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So it's not a relationship?

@46:15 - Selika
No, I am lacking in touch and . Yes, touch. That's why don't work like I want to touch skin, you know, like a one skin.
I'm lacking skin.

@46:31 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, you are. And truth is, you need to get, you need to have an .

@46:41 - Selika
Yeah, well, that's, I can do it myself, but...

@46:47 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
No, not really, not like this.

@46:49 - Selika
No, I know.

@46:53 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And so, again, you've got to be truthful. What is it that I really want that I'm not willing to say and you don't have to say to me anything That's not the point.
What is it that I really want that I don't want to actually admit to myself? Because you're trying to put you trying to put a relationship into a black hole Because you can't appreciate what it is that you really want, what you really desire, what is really there?

@47:35 - Selika
I felt like I was telling my friend I was like you know with this husband thing I'm tired of it It's not what I want.
If I imagine somebody that is always on my shoulder I get like oh my god And I want when I imagine my adventures, I'm mostly alone and happy So and I want to do whatever I want, right?
I don't want to compromise like all the time like And so, we'd be able to dispose of a man.

@48:05 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, that's exactly what you want. That's exactly what you want. That's exactly what you want.

@48:15 - Selika
You want somebody to put in a cupboard.

@48:22 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Now, you can either say that's up or you can find someone like that. It's simple. But the thing is, you need to stop lying to yourself.

@48:31 - Selika
I know, but I'm also such a romantic. Then I fall in love and I want to be with them all the time.

@48:36 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, because you want them to fill a hole. I enjoyed it.

@48:44 - Selika
I love being with him. It's so funny, we had a great time. We talked about everything. It was so nice.

@48:52 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Nice.

@48:54 - Selika
I couldn't have him. Then I wanted him all the time. If he would be like, there for me, I'll be
I go right. I'm I'm showing up when I'm showing up, but so how do I get over the fact that a man a disposable man probably is okay with it because he also want to know he may not want a disposable woman necessarily.
No, maybe it's fine with it with me showing up when I want to show up, right? Maybe it's okay with it.
It doesn't give.

@49:36 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
But I also want like the excitement, like when I get excited about somebody, I want to just be gentle with the time that everybody feels like everybody feels like that.
We want excitement, it we want things to say the same. want surprises, yet we want predictability. It's it's it's we already got to me.
That's that's how we work. Because it's an it. when flow is a spice and a void, always.

@50:03 - Selika
And so, like, my exes are like that, right? They were men, they were extremely talented, creative, and very busy, and concentrated on themselves.
So I choose them because then I am free, right? They have their stuff to do. But that's not me choosing, I end up being the position of the one that chays after them.

@50:26 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And that's not good, maybe because you still haven't clarified what it is that you really want. You don't actually believe what it is you really want.

@50:42 - Selika
And it's possible that brings me out to dinner, make me wear my cute dresses, have with me. And we have a great time.

@50:56 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And then...

@50:56 - Selika
And we're tired of it, we need to put him back in the cupboard. Yes.

@51:01 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
But if you're so selfish, sweet her, that's life. Because altruism is of the devil.

@51:13 - Selika
Really?

@51:17 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Everybody does. God is very, very selfish. God pieces himself. By pleasing himself, he pleases everyone else. There's a difference between being a narcissist.
In other words, making everything about you and manipulating others to do the same or being strongly, have strong self, but being a person that needs nothing.
Remember, I cannot see the Christ in you unless the Christ, unless I can see the Christ in me. So, if I cannot see the Christ in you, it means that I cannot see the Christ, period.
In other words, you, Celica, need to be real, stinky feet and all.

@52:32 - Selika
I know, I know, right?

@52:35 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And it's got nothing to do, it's not a thing about doing, it's about staying in the present moment and being present.

@52:43 - Selika
I know, it's being feather. And feather doesn't look like a mother Teresa, feather has teeth.

@52:56 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And feather has and a nice hips and a

@53:06 - Selika
I'm exactly like that by the way, like my body is like that, it's very , like it's very .
Like also my third friends are like when you arrive there is a strong energy.

@53:19 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Exactly. And so, who's telling you that you have to be a prude?

@53:29 - Selika
Well, no, and also like you know what's funny that I don't even know if it's just one guy, maybe it's two guys.

@53:40 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Exactly. And sometimes I hang out with one, sometimes I hang out with someone, are they others? Exactly. Exactly. that's fine until it changes and that's fine too.

@53:52 - Selika
Yeah.

@53:56 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
But I don't feel- If my needs meet you four needs. both win.

@54:04 - Selika
And see, the difference is that I'm not right up until now, I choose these types that will leave me free, right, in trying to make a regular relationship.
And then I was, I felt like the victim of them. But now I'm empowering myself to go after what I want, being honest about what I want.
Right now, what I want right now, then who knows, maybe I'm out with this guy, and I want to marry him at some point, whatever.
Like, you know, things change, or I get pregnant or not. I don't know. We will see, right? But this, and I hated my ex when he was like, because I know you want a husband and children, and I want a dog.
And I'm like, I'm so not that person.

@54:56 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And yet, and yet when you are together, you at attached to him, you want so much exactly like that.
Because he can feel it from you. It's an emptiness that you're trying to full with the other person. You take, you take out your, you take your connection with source, the music changes when you're with another person.
Instead of being friends, you become partners and the music changes. The music no longer plays along with your life because you suddenly cut off because you're looking at the other person to be your source.

@55:39 - Selika
That's what, exactly what I did.

@55:42 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Because it's uncomfortable to be with someone and not have parameters or not have a name or a ring or a whatever.

@55:54 - Selika
Yeah, I want to secure them to me.

@55:58 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, because you are wanting There's lack there.

@56:03 - Selika
So the thing is that I felt crazy with this, like I hated that I had to be on this schedule.

@56:12 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
But that's what you wanted, isn't it?

@56:18 - Selika
That's interesting. him and I still want him to want me at my condition.

@56:24 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes.

@56:26 - Selika
And he wanted me at his conditions, so he exploded.

@56:32 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Exactly. So if your needs meet his needs, both of you will. But your needs and his needs were not the same because you came with a specific need, but then changed it once you had him.
Because you were not clear on your needs.

@57:00 - Selika
But in the situation, it felt like one spends more time with him.

@57:06 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, but it becomes all-consuming, and like you want to know everything about him, and more time with him, and more, and more, and more, and it must be not time with him, but it's actually about how he's making you feel.

@57:18 - Selika
Yes.

@57:25 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Which means you're not feeling like that by yourself. Which means this as I want.

@57:31 - Selika
I was feeling like that by myself. I was perfectly fine. I didn't need anyone, and that's when he came in, right?
Of course. And then we got together, we had , and I flipped.

@57:46 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Because suddenly he became your world.

@57:49 - Selika
Because what?

@57:51 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Because suddenly he became your world.

@57:54 - Selika
My world. Yeah. So how do I not make that happen again?

@58:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Be clear on what you want But then it feels different in what you feel it feels different in the moment talk about Being open and honest to say I am feeling this I am feeling like my World you have become my world that I am now disconnected from myself Because in that moment, I've denied myself.
I've ribbed again to trade me I can be a whole person and meet another whole person The challenge is we taught Specifically women that they cannot be whole without a man And I think in that I hold in some kind of belief because I feel it's nicking somewhere That I'm not a complete woman if I don't have a child if I'm not a mother It's a biological thing.
It's a this is grandma speeches It's a generational thing, it's a cross-generational thing, it's a multi-dimensional thing and it stops with you.
There is a biological thing that says, my butt, you can feel that happening because more than men, you have a specific time limit where you can have children.
And so it's a biological thing that is going off in your body, you can't help that. And so you can be like a nate and have children in your late years, later years, and then sit with teenagers when you're your fifties, or you can not do that.
And then regret, or more than regret, life and resent everyone else because of it. That's your choice.

@1:00:00 - Selika
What do you mean? You cannot not have children and be happy?

@1:00:04 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, you can. Of course you can. But you have to be clear on what it is that you are actually after.

@1:00:25 - Selika
I don't know. This is a blind spot. I can't see it.

@1:00:30 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Well, versionally at this point in time, what I see and what I see normally for you is that you've got to hide for it.
You've got hide six drive. Yeah, you do. Simple. The challenge is once you have six with someone and it's good, you start thinking, oh, great.
I've just found my fountain of youth. Now I want more of not just the six. want more of that person.
And that person becomes the thing that you are looking for, the thing that you want. In other words, you are lacking that person and that person stays in the want.
And it will always be lacking, you will always be further away the closer you get. Because the person that you try to put into the hole cannot fill that hole.
Because what you looking for is not the person. You are looking for wholeness with another person who wholeness is only found in you.
We come back to feather as Meralda or the little magical. And this part of your personality or this part of your identity.
It's also got a specific name.

@1:02:02 - Selika
Hm. I know it. It's an animal. I don't know in English. In Italian, it's Monte de la Lijosa.

@1:02:14 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Monte de la Lijosa.

@1:02:16 - Selika
It's like kind of a mega big insect.

@1:02:21 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Mantis, brain mantis.

@1:02:23 - Selika
With she eats her lovers.

@1:02:26 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It's a brain mantis. It's a brain mantis. What's that? A brain mantis.

@1:02:31 - Selika
Brain.

@1:02:32 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Like brain.

@1:02:34 - Selika
Brain. Mantis. Mantis. Brain mantis. In Italian, it's a religious mantis. Like Monte de la Lijosa. Yes. That's who I am.

@1:02:46 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes.

@1:02:47 - Selika
Because when I really like somebody, I want to eat them. I eat them. want to eat them. I want to buy them.
want to eat them. And I want to for those who eat them. And they become me. It's like.

@1:03:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I feel like actually want to, you actually want to eat them so that they fold you up and you become empowered with them.
Yes.

@1:03:15 - Selika
I'm dangerous.

@1:03:17 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, you are. That's quite a dangerous place to be. Because, yeah, let's be honest. Very few men like to be dinner.

@1:03:29 - Selika
Yeah, to be dinner. I know because they see me and I'm more like free, spirited, dada dada, wild.

@1:03:41 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I won't let you leave, yeah. I'll you to the bed and I'll use you up.

@1:03:51 - Selika
And then, and then when we're together, I'm starting wanting to eat them. Why? or is this coming from?

@1:04:02 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
That's it. That's an interesting question. And so you could ask, where does that story start with you? What's the first memory that you have of having that feeling?

@1:04:31 - Selika
The first thing that comes to my mind is not about a man. my friend who didn't want to do what I was saying.
And I pinched her. No, she wasn't understanding. like, come on, like, don't be dumb.

@1:04:49 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
What do I think?

@1:04:51 - Selika
You do what I say. It's my, like, I know, like, just do it. And I remember she she couldn't like.
have the doll's picture didn't know what to make the doll say and i was like oh my god this is so boring like i have to do everything by myself and i was you know the song prima donna go prima donna go all i ever wanted was the world i'm gonna send it to you i have a strong thing where i want people to do what i say of course because i think i know better of course but the truthful name for that is being a and once you can admit that you can't change it
When I admit that, I can't change it.

@1:06:05 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, because then you can choose not to be.

@1:06:08 - Selika
Yes.

@1:06:12 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
But until then, you have no choice. Then you have to eat them.

@1:06:27 - Selika
But what is this void that I want? Because I don't think it's... I think this is like me not being fully connected to my power.
Not really trusting my power, wants me to get their power. So, like for example, my ex Leo. My first husband, I just said one.
Like my husband, he was so free, right? so wild. independent and it was and I wanted to be dead.
So I wanted to eat him to be dead. Then my ex-boyfriend is one. He is a musician. He's so talented and creative and he lives for music and he's so devoted and he's so good at it.
He's a master of it. He's a genius and he's so free. So I want to eat him to be like him, you know.

@1:07:27 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It's the interesting thing.

@1:07:29 - Selika
already are. I know but if I don't call me.

@1:07:34 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Exactly. You already are that and they are just projecting who you are and instead of not and instead of appreciating who you are, you want to be and so we're back at the wanting.
The want of wanting and you're back at betraying yourself.

@1:08:00 - Selika
I'm being better at not wanting people to do what I say, of course. I'm leaving them free now.

@1:08:07 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Good, because it's horrible being a . Other people are to you then as well. don't like to be treated like .

@1:08:19 - Selika
My ex-husband was definitely one. But now is like it's soft there and it's more spiritual.

@1:08:26 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
He ran away. We can I can be a spiritual , but I'm still a .

@1:08:32 - Selika
Well, I think at level my ex-boyfriend also is because every time when I when he came here for dinner once like and I was better than I can tell I was super relaxed.
I didn't put on any games. I really wanted to be friends. really wanted to love him unconditionally because I do love him.
And we had a beautiful ear to kiss me at the end of the dinner. You know, as he saw me at the door,
He wanted me. I would I didn't do anything. Not flirting, not nothing. But he wanted me. And I was very happy that he did.

@1:09:10 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Right. And then let's be honest. I'm your woman. Part of being a woman is manipulation. Part of being a woman is literally saying, I don't want anything.
Oh, my God. I'm so beautiful by myself. I don't I can be feather and still be the little magical.

@1:09:38 - Selika
Is Miranda.

@1:09:40 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Is Meralda. Yeah, you understand what I'm saying? Yeah. I can be as Meralda and still be feather.

@1:09:46 - Selika
Do you understand? I'm saying?

@1:09:48 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
can I say? True. True. True. And so then you get angry with him because he wanted you.

@1:09:58 - Selika
No, I didn't.

@1:10:01 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I didn't get angry with him because he wanted me, so what the solution I don't have to meet anybody like I mean that's not that's not the point what I'm trying to say is be be be aware of who and what you are.
And being being you means that you're a gorgeous, , beautiful, attractive woman and men want you so it's that's what they mean want you they just can't help themselves.
So then to invite a guy to your house and then and then and then pretend that you don't have this attractive force that oozes out of you is like that's not right.

@1:11:00 - Selika
the right and then so maybe I should have honest and he would kiss me and I would like I kissed him too obviously and then I was like all right I want to have with you and then and then have what I wanted and then let go that I don't know but I'm sure I want to see him again as long as you're clear about what you want but I wanted to have with him because I did I mean I kissed him but I didn't lose it it wasn't even like that great experience this time so I I wanted him Lika, Lika.
Lika.

@1:11:54 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Main or very very simple? Main of very simple. They want , simple. They want . They want to eat.

@1:12:06 - Selika
They want to have .

@1:12:09 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Hmm?

@1:12:10 - Selika
When did he go away then?

@1:12:14 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Because you wanted to eat him.

@1:12:16 - Selika
No. Because I asked him, because he kissed me, he got like the assurance that I was still around. That he's still at the power over me.
And then he left, because he didn't want to get entangled in all the relationships.

@1:12:37 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
That's interesting, and that's exactly what you don't want either.

@1:12:41 - Selika
I know, we're the same, but he doesn't understand it. I see it, but it's like, it's it's okay if you have power over him, but he's not allowed to have power over you.

@1:13:01 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I see. So you want to come with my husband?

@1:13:05 - Selika
Yes.

@1:13:06 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Why don't you just get yourself a gay friend?

@1:13:09 - Selika
Well, but there's no there.

@1:13:12 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
You get yourself a partner, but you have a gay boyfriend. Have a gay friend and get a partner that does the job perfectly.
I am. You hang out with a gay friend.

@1:13:25 - Selika
Well, my best friend is a gay guy.

@1:13:28 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And you don't even ask the guy that you're having with his name. just have with him. Put a plastic bag over, a paper bag over his face.

@1:13:35 - Selika
No, I don't like that.

@1:13:41 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
No.

@1:13:59 - Selika
I it's not that Anybody, I wouldn't, I'm not about, I never enjoyed, like, the one night stands, like, they don't mean anything.

@1:14:10 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Who says you need to have a one night stand? Have you seen that movie friends with benefits?

@1:14:15 - Selika
Yeah, that's my dream. I never found a guy that is able to do that.

@1:14:20 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, because you haven't been able to be honest about yourself.

@1:14:24 - Selika
I tried with a guy, but then he was like, no, but we have friends and then these and then, because the thing is, when your friends will benefit, both people want websites.
this happens once and then they run away. They don't want to do that again. So, it doesn't work. I haven't found somebody mature enough to be able to do it.

@1:14:48 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
That's the point. It comes with maturity. Maturity also equals honesty. And it's not about being honest with them, it's about being honest with you.

@1:15:06 - Selika
That's true, because like also my ex-boyfriend, like for how much I love him, it's hard for me to imagine a life in them.
I think I will get bored.

@1:15:17 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
You've said that before, you want a cupboard husband, simple, that's what you want.

@1:15:27 - Selika
Can you have a child with a cup in a thousand, because I think I do want a child.

@1:15:31 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
True, if you can put them in a cupboard with them.

@1:15:38 - Selika
That's a little more difficult, I guess.

@1:15:40 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, the child protection services don't like that. Some men might want to live in a cupboard, but children tend to fight against that very, very vehemently.

@1:15:56 - Selika
I know. It's going to want all my attention.

@1:16:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Exactly. And let's be honest, the world is about you.

@1:16:14 - Selika
Oh my God, this is so funny because I'm getting a whole different image of myself.

@1:16:22 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Good.

@1:16:24 - Selika
The wood is about me, yes. I'm the performer, like I'm the star.

@1:16:32 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Primadona.

@1:16:33 - Selika
Primadona.

@1:16:35 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Viva.

@1:16:38 - Selika
That's why I want to.

@1:16:39 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
And do you know how I can say that? Because I'm a diva too. Here's the thing. It's not a husband.

@1:16:51 - Selika
So again, you have a husband.

@1:16:54 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
True. I don't have a husband. But the point is, it's not about me. It's about the opera.

@1:17:04 - Selika
So, Diva can advancement, partners.

@1:17:08 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
They don't, there's a difference between a diva and a star, a diva and a performer. I can be a performer, a brilliant performer.
Maria Pallas was brilliant until she became a diva. Then it was about her and not about the opera. The diva needs the opera.
The opera doesn't need the diva.

@1:17:45 - Selika
But you're saying you're a diva. now you're saying that you're about the opera. So you're not a diva. Yes.

@1:17:52 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Because I know I'm a diva.

@1:17:56 - Selika
So I have to own the drama diva. So I speak. Stop being a jerk. And I can be about the Oprah.

@1:18:03 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes.

@1:18:09 - Selika
Yesterday. Yesterday. I I wrote a post and it was Vament. was talking about my client and I was talking about me.
The and I wrote like here's a secret to be a top performer. Get out of your head and get into your work.
That's basically it. Right.

@1:18:34 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes.

@1:18:36 - Selika
Yeah, because in your and then I was writing like, you know, I come to say I want to be a great communicator.
I want to be a great performer. And all you think about is what about me? What are they thinking about me?
How am I coming across? How am I perceived? And I'm like, do you see the

@1:19:09 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
As soon as you come back to the discomfort of the present moment, in the moment is it is where love under will, will in the service of life.
When I'm fed, because yes, the interesting thing that you that you that hopefully you can start seeing now, because feta and and as Meralda, faith and is Meralda together or a diva.
Because there's a different feather, because when feather is not in charge, it's morale that takes over, because she's manipulative, it's in her nature, it is who you are.
But unless you own it, you cannot choose otherwise. So know who you are. You are a diva. You are a praying mantis.
And own it, not in the way of forcing it on other people, but owning it in the terms of knowing that I'm always looking at me first, therefore when I make
a decision, let it be in the service of life, not my will, because there's will and there's will. Not my will, but yours be done.
Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. And so you can say the same thing, our mother who is in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come.
In other words, you rule, you reign. I subjugate my will to your will, to the will of life. And this comes back to the present moment, discomfort, of being in a place of uncertainty.
The more you get comfortable in the uncertainty, the more comfortable it feels. Yeah, because suddenly there's a space that opens up and things manifest by themselves, because the space itself is a manifestation of the appreciation that I have in the present moment.
And things come to me because they just do, because I'm present. My void and the discomfort are in balance.
This is a place of maturity, as you've saved.

@1:23:01 - Selika
And it's also about abandoning the illusion of being the good girl cuz I'm not Thank you My family knows it my sister always reminds me of that like Don't do like the good girl like you can be a like so I'm not And and this episode of where I was like killing the guy like fighting punching and and then this boss that I wrote There was a little bold Be pretty much in your face.
I'm like damn I'm this person and also like I don't know my friend She wanted to like a we had a dinner with close friends She invited somebody else that we didn't know and she's like I hope it's okay And I want to say actually not I mean it's okay, but it changes the dynamic
like I can't then I didn't say anything because you know you were trying to be nice but you resented and you resented the whole evening and not because because I knew that these other girl the external one will not come in the end I just knew it in my bones and in fact I was like oh she's not coming I'm like oh really she's not coming like I knew it I didn't worry about it but I was trying to be nice but the thing is I think I think I'm gonna be moving on I may be more of a jerk than people I used to you don't have to be a jerk not a jerk but a little bit more forward like you know what do I have to say something I don't think you have to play nice maybe I have to play nice

@1:25:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Question is, is it in the service of life?

@1:25:04 - Selika
What do I know? In this case for the dinner, for example, was in the service of what? Other people's happiness?
So, I'm doing something for them? Okay.

@1:25:19 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
If my needs and your needs are the same, both of us win. If my needs meet your needs, we both win.

@1:25:28 - Selika
Right. I wanted to have, like, a dinner with my closest friends, speak Italian and not ever an American, you know?

@1:25:35 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Why not be honest?

@1:25:38 - Selika
Exactly. That's why I'm like Celica. You could have said, like, you know, because she already invited her. So, what do you say?

@1:25:47 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Like, make her feel bad? No, you're honest about what you want. And then you discuss it and come to an arrangement and the dynamics change.
Because that's the uncertainty of the present moment and something beautiful could have come out of it. But you would allow, you didn't allow any life to flow.
just said no. Do you understand what saying in yourself, you said no and the other person didn't arrive.

@1:26:33 - Selika
Well, when I said no problem, I told myself like, you said you're always like so close off. Maybe this could be something different from what you thought you wanted, but it may be great.
So let it happen. That's why I didn't say anything. I said no problem. Right? But then the person didn't come anywhere and I was happy.
Evidently, it was not meant to be.

@1:27:02 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, because you decided it not to happen.

@1:27:05 - Selika
Well, so why? My wheel is more strong than my friends' wheel than one other girl. It's not that I manifest everything for everyone.
What about the other people wanting something?

@1:27:23 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It's an interesting question to us. Because we come back down to the present moment in the discomfort of that present moment based on the authority and responsibility that you have.
If you know that the whole world revolves around you and everything you want is based on what you want and doesn't give an inch to anyone else.
Well, you're really.

@1:27:54 - Selika
Who am I?

@1:27:56 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, who are you then really? That's a nice web. putting it but but you could be an you can be a nasty idiot anyway and you'd still be most of the time the fight I'm putting up is in order to stay in control of the attention whether it's my attention or anybody else's attention I want attention there's an aspect of me that wants attention you

@1:29:00 - Selika
Look at me, look at me.

@1:29:09 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Look at So what do you want there? There's something lacking. This is interesting. This is deeper than you've been before.

@1:29:24 - Selika
I know where the attention comes from, the look at me. I was brought a poem about it years ago, but it's my mom's eyes.
I know. I have this distinct image or looking at her back while she's washing the dishes, always busy, working, doing this, doing that.
She wouldn't look at me.

@1:29:56 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
So who is that person?

@1:29:59 - Selika
Who is that person?

@1:30:00 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
the person that wants people to look at her.

@1:30:04 - Selika
It's my inner child.

@1:30:08 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Okay, you can call it that, but it's my inner diva because it was born from that place. So, if you go back now and you see, because self-awareness happened at the same time when you decided that I want people to look at me.
In that moment, you became aware of you. You were born in that moment. You became you. Accept the responsibility of the present moment and own myself.
all deny myself and abdicate my responsibility. And so we're coming back to the original sin. And so little eyes is the person that's wanting.
Do you notice that that is the thing that you've been doing your whole life?

@1:32:00 - Selika
I also really like anonymity. don't like people to record, like to, I do like it's the same, it's the same coin, just the other side of it.
Yeah, then I want to roam the streets and I don't want to everybody say, Oh, hi, hi, dog glasses and a hat nobody see me like I could be anonymous.

@1:32:25 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
But as soon as I'm in this, I got celebrity when they got in these guys, I want to be a celebrity that goes out in disguise.

@1:32:35 - Selika
Yes. That's exactly how I feel.

@1:32:40 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I not? No.

@1:32:45 - Selika
Where does that come from?

@1:32:47 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Like my life is normal. You already said it came from where you were child, looking for your mother's approval.
But before this, you were not honest about that.

@1:33:00 - Selika
Well, I knew it, but he probably has to think in more.

@1:33:06 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
You just have to recognize it, that's all. Just notice that that's what you want, that that is the lack that you, that's lacking.
You are the only person that can give you that approval. You're the only one that can look at yourself and say, I'm watching you, I'm watching you.
I'm watching you. can see you. Can you see me? When you look in the mirror who's looking back at you, you are.
I can see you.

@1:33:40 - Selika
Yeah, I love that girl.

@1:33:43 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
You do. And own it. The challenge here is this, don't be what? Yes. Yes, I can be that girl without being a .
I can want the I can I can have the attention without being without wanting it. If that makes sense Yeah, yeah, people give me attention you're pretty But also the girls people listen to me they give me a Person I give a lot of my time and energy and energy Energy, yeah, but be very very clear about Who's giving that energy and to what end are you doing it to manipulate or you're doing it for their based interest?

@1:34:41 - Selika
I'm doing it for them Are you sure? Well with my friend. Yes That's the thing be aware of what you're doing.
Mean when you respond can you sleep or free just out of enthusiasm? You know, of course I like to be the one who listens to their thing.
I like to be the one who may be able to guide them. Yes, but I don't think there's nothing wrong with that.
That's my nature.

@1:35:12 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
That's what I do in this Earth. Just be sure that you're not lying to yourself. We are the easiest ones to lie to.
This is your job. This is your life. Looking at yourself, not looking at anyone else for their approval. And their attention.
Because then only then does the action become pure?

@1:35:49 - Selika
Yeah. Because I don't know, like a friend wrote me like that she was in between jobs and she had two days to decide if I had any.
you know, somebody that I could suggest or whatnot. And I told them, let's talk, because I felt that she already had taken a decision.
I could see already like, she needed like what, up an hour? And she would be sad. And so I offered her time and she was so grateful, thank you, thank you, thank you.
But I didn't do it. Like, I did it spontaneously because I thought it was fun and I thought that was the help.
Did I do it for me?

@1:36:26 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
That's only you can answer that.

@1:36:31 - Selika
Well, yes, I enjoyed it.

@1:36:34 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
But I think that's normal to do, enjoy what you do also for you. True. You're still, however, have to be honest about it.
That's the point. Is this about the opera or is it about the diva?

@1:36:52 - Selika
It's about what I do, that's who I am.

@1:36:55 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I'm a diva, true, own it. Make sure that you know that you're being a diva.

@1:37:01 - Selika
But also in this case, when you're helping somebody, you're always being a diva, I'm always being a diva.

@1:37:06 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
You are always being a diva. Just don't be.

@1:37:09 - Selika
And you feel you're always being a diva?

@1:37:16 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I'm using the same skills in getting you to see my point. That's why, that's why, in your life or with your partner.
I don't have a partner at the moment, I'm, I'm sick, I'm single, I'm a widow, I'm widow. My husband passed away, didn't you know, oh, okay, he died in 2022, in September.

@1:37:57 - Selika
I'm so sorry.

@1:38:01 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
It's okay. I'm still married to him. I still talk him every day. I write him the letters that works a lot.

@1:38:08 - Selika
That's why you said write in letters. But because when you talk to him, it's okay.

@1:38:18 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Don't worry.

@1:38:26 - Selika
Because when you talked about the pictures before you're moving to this place that you are now, you talked about talking about it with your husband.

@1:38:36 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I talked about it with my friend.

@1:38:40 - Selika
Wow. But because you said my husband said those are grandma's peaches.

@1:38:48 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes, that was, yeah, when I spoke to, that was what my husband did.

@1:38:55 - Selika
I'm sorry.

@1:38:57 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
No problem. I'm fine. So, were you? Now you see the interesting thing, and this is an easy way of manipulating something.
And I'm being very brutal and honest, and being very straightforward. But that's the easiest way for a woman to get attention, is to cry.
I do it too. When I know I can use it as manipulative tool, I use it.

@1:39:32 - Selika
So I'm manipulating you right now?

@1:39:35 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
No, not necessarily. I'm just saying that you can use it as a means to manipulate the energy to come to you.
Do you understand what I'm saying?

@1:39:43 - Selika
That's how subtle it is.

@1:39:47 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
That's how subtle it is. And that's why I'm saying you have to be very, very sure that you are being a diva, but not being a cut.
Because when you're sure that it's about the opera and not about you, the music flows again and the space is restored and then real life enters and you dance out of dance because dancing is the only thing that you can do not because it's something to get attention from.
Yes. Do you understand?

@1:40:24 - Selika
Yeah. Yeah. And I can see like when people around me like, even if I do most of the talking and I am protagonist because that's who I am.
Like, then they're like, this was so great. I feel so energized and I feel so happy now that we spend this time together.
I feel so nurtured, you know. So that means that it wasn't about me because they feel empowered and they feel good, you know.

@1:40:57 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Be sure because there is a certain amount of. of payback that we get from doing that, we feel good about it because we're doing something good because it makes us feel good.
I understand exactly what you're saying because this is exactly what I do as well. But at the end of the day, I need to be honest with me.
It's not about the other person. It's not about my clients who love spending time with it. It's not about whether they feel good or not.
It's whether it's whether not I'm being truthful with me about being it's the opera and not about me.

@1:41:35 - Selika
I think that the sign is about everybody's energized. Like I thank them, they thank me. It means that if everybody's energized and everybody is is happier.
It means that nobody has everybody feels more creative and empowered so on. Like it means that I didn't drain myself and they didn't repress.
themselves because you can feel it in the energy.

@1:42:06 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
You're either tired afterwards but frantic or you're frenetic with more energy than you have before but you're not frantic.
There's no anxiety with the one that's inflow but there's anxiety with the one that's not inflow because you know you're going to flow out of flow.
Does this help?

@1:42:37 - Selika
Very much.

@1:42:38 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yeah. And so if there's ever a tattoo to get it would be it's about the opera.

@1:42:45 - Selika
You're preceded with this tattoo.

@1:42:47 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I'm not gonna tattoo myself. No, no, I'm sure but the point is maybe you should write it on your mirror.
It's not a crack meat about the opera.

@1:42:56 - Selika
It's all about the opera. It's not about me now. I understand where I keep kept going to Zen and I keep going to Zen because these guys are like Killing it, but there is a part where It's too much killing and then I'm like, yeah, like not too much killing, but It's okay To be my power.

@1:43:24 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I also Need that I also need to be that I need to be powerful Because need to be the diva, definitely Exactly, I will be the little match girl or like meeting around and and not really being powerful It's when my needs and they meet indeed are the same when my needs meet they meet we both win It's when my needs get met instead of their needs that we both lose You
Nice, but when Feather and Esmeralda are together, problem. Feather dances in the wind naturally. Yes. Because the wind makes her move.

@1:45:20 - Selika
Oh wow, that's beautiful, let me light it.

@1:45:31 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Yes. Esmeralda moves because the tambourine makes her move. So there's a rhythm. else. not the wind. So now if you're looking for a relationship, bear in mind.
what you are really often. And who you really are portraying. Because men might want to have with you, but they run a mile because they know you will eat them up.
It's something that they just know. It's an energetic feeling that they get that you cannot lie your way out of.
So you might have been all coy and you know very nice and all of that, but you ran for his life.

@1:46:37 - Selika
For his life? know. So what do I do about it?

@1:46:45 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Be honest with you, first of all.

@1:46:56 - Selika
The question is to me, like the point is to I feel like to fully embody my power, because when I do that, I won't need to eat anyone.

@1:47:07 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
I'll be... Exactly. So let the wind move you, so we come back to love is the law. under will, will in the service of love.
So let the wind move you, because the wind and love is the same thing. Celica? Thank you. Thank you so much for this wonderful session.

@1:47:45 - Selika
Thank you, Ian. That's been so precious.

@1:47:50 - Eon Joubert (dreonjoubert@gmail.com)
Think about this, and we'll chat again. you. Have a