“Pritkin muttered something that sounded fairly vicious. “My clothes are warded! Even if I wished to accede to your demand, it would not work on them.”“Then strip.”“I beg your pardon?” He sounded almost polite suddenly, as if he believed he couldn’t possibly have heard right.”


“I lost my balance when the train pulled away, but a human crumple zone buffered my fall. We stayed like that, half fallen. Diagonal People.”


“Larry’s such a liar---He tells outrageous lies.He says he’s ninety-nine years oldInstead of only five.He says he lives up on the moon,He says that he once flew.He says he’s really six feet fourInstead of three feet two.He says he has a billion dollars‘Stead of just a dime.He says he rode a dinosaurBack in some distant time.He says his mother is the moonWho taught him magic spells.He says his father is the windThat rings the morning bells.He says he can take stones and rocksAnd turn them into gold.He says he can take burnin’ fireAnd turn it freezin’ cold.He said he’d send me seven elvesTo help me with my chores.But Larry’s such a liar---He only sent me four.”


“Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared.”


“You eat like a caveman.""No, I don't," he says angrily. And then, a moment later: "Do I?"Warner to Kenji”


“I hope that the kind reader recognises this as a despairing attempt at humour.”


“. . . and together you're what, the Super Friends?”


“Behind me, Marc made a soft whistling sound, clearly impressed. “That’s not standard procedure,” he said, his tone entirely too reasonable as he leaned over the stray’s body to open the back passenger-side door. “Yeah, well, I’m not your standard enforcer.”


“Dallas popped his jaw. “I do not cackle. I bitch like a he-man.”


“First rule of thievery,' Eli said, grinning, 'only run if you're not coming back.' (...) 'First rule of thievery, never use the same entrance twice.' Miranda rolled her eyes. 'How many 'first rules' of thievery do you have?' 'When one mistake can mean your head on a pike, every rule's a first rule,' Eli said cheerfully.”


“One more lesson like that and I might just do a Weasley.”


“When in doubt, poke the beehive with a stick to see if anything interesting flies out.I clapped my hands. 'I had no idea Pit teams had such pretty cheerleaders. Can you do it again, but with more spirit this time?”


“He shook his head. He didn't know. He couldn't tell when he had woken fully. He walked to the horses. They definitely seemed alarmed. But then, they would. After all, he had just leapt to his feet unexpectedly, waving his saxe knife around like a lunatic.”


“I look like a biker slut from hell meets soldier of fortune pinup.”


“Manchee comes outta the bushes and sits down next to me cuz I’ve stopped right there in the middle of a trail. He looks around to see what I might be seeing and then he says, ”Good poo, Todd.” ”I’m sure it was, Manchee.”I’d better not get another ruddy dog when my birthday comes. What I want this year is a hunting knife like the one Ben carries on the back of his belt. Now that’s a present for a man.“Poo,” Manchee’s says quietly.”


“I never arrive unannounced without something big and juicy in hand.- Simon Hunt”


“Pull the hair on my head the wrong way, and I would be on my knees begging for mercy. I have very sensitive follicles.”


“Instead of finding himself in nerd heaven—where every nerd gets fifty-eight virgins to role-play with—he woke up in Robert Wood Johnson with two broken legs and a separated shoulder, feeling like, well, he'd jumped off the New Brunswick train bridge.”


“Looks like he's lost a guinea and found a farthing," Horace said, then added, unnecessarily, "Will, I mean."Halt turned in his saddle to regard the younger man and raised an eyebrow."I may be almost senile in your eyes, Horace, but there's no need to explain the blindly obvious to me. I'd hardly have thought you were referring to Tug.”


“I'm jealous of your hooks," Kevin replied. "Having no hands is better than having two equally strong hands."Don't be ridiculous," one of the white-faced women replied. "Having a white face is worse than both of your situations.""But you have a white face because you put makeup on," Colette said, as Sunny climbed back out of the trunk and knelt down in the snow. "You're putting powder on your face right now.”


“I’m faster than the rest of you, if .. Because I’m a vampire,” Michael said, and it was some kind of breakthrough for him to say that. “If you get in trouble, I’ll be there.”“Nice,” Shane said. “I’m warming up to this bloodsucking thing, Mikey.”“No, you’re not.”“Okay, no, I’m not, but right now let’s pretend I am.”


“You need to be more careful, or you could hurt yourself."Right. Thank you, Mrs. Detweiler. I never would have come to that conclusion by myself. I was planning on incorporating a backflip into my next walk across the classroom but on second thought...”


“I swore I'd never become some lord's brainless arm ornament and political host, but I've become far worse. I'm a glorified housekeeper and sperm donor. -from the journal of Payton Marcus Townsend.”


“She's fifteen!"Nash shrugged. "That's just a number. It doesn't say anything about her.""It says something pretty damn funny about your IQ!" I said, and he opened his mouth to retort, but I spoke over him. "Fifteen is too young to drive, too young to get a legal job, too young to sign a lease, and obviously too young to pick a boyfriend with half a brain.”


“Some people were just getting on with their lives, chatting, being young. It simply wouldn't do.”


“You have the maturity of a 14-year-old boy!“ Kennedy hisses."And you have the chest of one.”


“Foul!" yelled Jamie, who seemed extremely happy not to be the one facing a blade. "Distracting technique! Put your shirt back on right now.”


“Are you ever going to kiss me without swearing first?”


“Are you stupid?” Seth asked.“Yeah,” Neil said.”


“A man wants too many things before marriage, but only peace after it.”


“she committed suicide by putting her extremities down the garbage disposal-first one arm and then, kind of miraculously if you think about it, the other arm.”


“Say, ‘Thank you, Phin.’ ”“Oh, please.”“Say, Thank youvery much, Phin. ”“I don’t think so.”“Say, ‘You are a great lover, Phin.’ ”“I’m out of here.”


“Nothing is as irritating to a shy man as a confident girl.”


“Prithee," He protested, "if thou wouldst waiteth a goddamned second-”


“We're too different now. We want different things. And this?" I say nodding at our hands. "All this managed to prove is that you are extremely good at turning me off”


“No matter how kind you are, always expect a few imbeciles.”


“I like to live every day like it's my last."Shallan nodded."And by that I mean lying in a puddle of my own urine, calling for the nurse to bring me more pudding.”


“Try not to trip," she added. "We don't have time for a concussion today."I groaned. That would be just like me - ruin everything, destroy the world, in a moment of klutziness.”


“There’s always time for arguin’ when you’re a Fuentes.”


“We…realized that no matter who won the race, we were girls, and we were from Soso, Mississippi, population 434, which meant we were destined to be last in pretty much everything else.”


“I started down but Sam caught my arm and knelt down himself to look. "For crying out loud," he said. "It's a racoon." "Poor thing," I said. "It could be a rabid baby-killer," Cole told me primly. "Shut up," Sam said pleasantly.”


“There's a tavern by the docks. He's there most evenings.""Then I'll talk to him tonight," Halt said."You can try. But he's a hard case, Halt. I'm not sure you'll get anything out of him. He's not interested in money. I tried that.""Well, perhaps he'll do it out of the goodness of his heart. I'm sure he'll open up to me," Halt said easily. But Horace noticed a gleam in his eye. He was right: the prospect of having something to do had reawakened Halt's spirits. He had a score to settle, and Horace found himself thinking that it didn't bode well for this Black O'Malley character.Will eyes Halt doubtfully, however. "You think so."Halt smiled at him. "People love talking to me," he said. "I'm an excellent conversationalist and I have a sparkling personality. Ask Horace. I've been bending his ear all the way from Dun Kilty, haven't I?"Horace nodded confirmation. "Talking nonstop all the way, he's been," he said. "Be glad to see him turn all that chatter onto someone else.”


“Please. If you were mostly dead in the middle of the road I'd obviously stop. And then I'd watch you die."Kate to Will”


“Do I look like the kind of person who wastes time turning goats into pin cushions?”


“And since I’m marrying into the Quartet, I have certain privileges and duties. If you’re sleeping with Laurel—”“I’m not sleeping with Laurel. We’re dating.”“Right, and the two of you are just going to hold hands, admire the moon, and sing camp songs.”“For a while. Minus the singing.”


“Have you ever started to wave at someone and then realized they weren’t really waving at you, so you abort and go for a head scratch instead? That’s how I felt.”


“Small men oft feel a need to prove their courage with unseemly boasts," he declared. "I doubt if he could kill a duck."Tyrion shrugged. "Fetch the duck.”


“Setting out around midnight, I couldn't help shaking my head, "We're the goddamned hottest vampire hunters ever." I muttered.”


“Anything for you, Dru. And I mean it. Now, be quiet and let me concentrate.”


“You have food?" Winter scolded. "I thought you said you were hungry."I'm hungry for other things besides what I have," [Clover] argued.”


“I threw an etiquette party and served nothing but beans and sparkling water. The topic of conversation was ‘excuse me’.”


“Then I say, "Let's go and brush our teeth." So Lola says, "But Charlie, I can't brush my teeth because somebody is using my tooth." "But who would use your toothbrush?" I ask. Lola says "I think that lion. I saw a lion with my toothbrush and now he's brushing his teeth with it." "But it isn't this your toothbrush Lola?" "Oh," says Lola, "he must be using yours.”


“I shook my head. She kissed my cheek, then on her way out patted Zachary's shoulder in a way that said, If you upset Aura in her weakened state, I will end you.”


“The man may be the head of the household. But the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head whichever way she pleases.”


“Pleased to meet you." Sage said, offering his hand. "The pleasure is all mine," Rayna Purred. "Unless ofcourse, it's all Clea's which is even better."Sage smiled and might have even blushed a bit, which was highly entertaining.”


“This is stolen? We're in a stolen jet?""Not stolen," said Donegan Bane from the co-pilot's seat."Almost stolen," Gracious corrected."Semi-stolen," said Donegan."Quasi-stolen," said Gracious. Aurora's frown did not turn upside down. "So is it stolen or not?"Donegan and Gracious hesitated."Yes," they both said together.”


“Donegan Bane and Gracious O'Callahan - the Monster Hunters. Adventurers, inventors, authors of Monster Hunting for Beginners and it's sequels, Monster Hunting for Beginners is Probably Inadvisable and  Seriously, Dude, Stop Monster Hunting.”


“Well Connor thought ruefully  At least now I know who to thank for my anger issues.”


“And I'm sure than in Poland, or somewhere, it is considered cool to drive a Porsche and wear necklaces and black silk, but at least back in Brooklyn if you did those things you were either a drug dealer or from New Jersey.”


“A premature death does not only rob one of the countless instances where one would have experienced pleasure, it also saves one from the innumerable instances where one would have experienced pain.”


“Right. Because if you have trouble putting ketchup and mustard on a hot dog, you should totally move on to saving lives.”


“You said you'd give me half an hour!''And you said you'd satisfy me whenever I wanted it. I want it now.' He removed is jacket. 'Drop the towel.''I-I never agreed to be naked!”


“A man is always devoted to something more tangible than a woman - the idea of her.”


“I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.”


“Belatedly, I notice how much easier it is to walk on these sticks when you can't feel your legs. Lesson number one for hooch wear, be drunk. It might make dancing more of a challenge, but I wasn't feeling a thing and it was beautiful.”


“All right," Shannen says slowly, tucking a lock of dark brown hair behind her ear. "Why did you glue that dolphin upside down?" Okay, so I'm a little distracted. "He's doing the back stroke.”


“You’re not the only one in this relationship who loves achallenge,” he says. “And just so you know for the future, I like my double-chocolate chipcookies warm and soft in the middle . . . and without magnets glued to them.”


“Oh God, Oh God we’re all gonna die  doesn’t really fit the definition of banter, now does it?”


“Everything has taken on a strange, distant quality - the sounds of running and shouting outside get warped and weird like they're being filtered through water, and Alex looks miles away. I start to think I might be dreaming, or about to pass out. And then I decide I'm definitely dreaming, because as I'm watching, Alex starts peeling his shirt off over his head.”


“Butterfly?" Will said. "Why Butterfly?" "I believe it's a term of great respect," Selethen said gravely. He was very obviously not laughing. Too obviously, Will thought. "It's all right for you," he said. "They called you 'Hawk.' Hawk is an excellent name. It's warlike and noble. But....Butterfly? Selethen nodded. "I agree that Hawk is an entirely suitable name. I assume it had to do with my courage and nobility of heart. Halt coughed and the Arridi lord looked at him, eyebrows raised. "I think it referred less to your heart and more to another part of your body," Halt said mildly. He tapped his finger meaningfully along the side of his nose. It was a gesture he'd always wanted an opportunity to use, and this one was to good to miss. Selethen sniffed and turned away, affecting not to notice.”


“Horace, who had been trying to find out the meaning of Kurokuma for some time now, was pleased to hear the translation. "Black bear," he repeated. "It's undoubtedly because I'm so terrible in battle." "I'd guess so," Will put in. "I've seen you in battle and you're definitely terrible.”


“They really hate you, yes they do. They hate everyone, how 'bout you?”


“Aaaaw," squealed Iko. "Did Wold just say he loves Scarlet? That's so cute!"Scarlet cringed. "He did not - that wasn't -" She balled her fists against her sides. "Can we get back to these soldiers that are being rounded up, please?""Is she blushing? She sounds like she's blushing.""She's blushing." Thorne confirmed, shiffling the cards. "Actually, Wolf is also looking a little flustered -”


“   ‘I knew it, I knew it, I damn well knew it,’ he shouted. ‘The President was right you’re all infected with this wretched MeMe chromosome even at the dawn of your pathetic little planet’s evolution. You do realise of course there’s no hope for you. It’s all going to be a complete and utter waste of time. You and your little planet are all doomed.”


“I've had so many bikini waxes, I cry every time I see a Popsicle stick.”


“I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties.”


“Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. "How did you die again? Oh wait, I know this. 'I can take 'em. I don't need to wait for reinforcements. I can do it myself.' How'd that work out for you again?”


“Forgive me....I called you an idiot. I spoke too hastily. You are not. Had I given it more thought, I would have called you a scoundrel.”


“You're dropping the bow hand as you release," he called, although Halt certainly wasn't.His mentor looked around, saw him, and replied pithily, "I believe your grandmother needs lessons in sucking eggs.”


“It was like hiking into a Hemingway story; everything was sepia-toned and bristling with subtext.”


“Oh please," Scout said."Don't take that tone with me. You know you'd love to have a minion. Someone at your beck and call. Someone to do your bidding. How many times have you said to yourself," Self, I need a unicorn to run errands and such?”


“I didn't dream about you last night. I woke up in fear.”


“I don’t read biographies for moral instruction, or for a history lesson. I want to know what people are saying about me.”


“I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead”


“I like eggs and bacon,” George tells me. “But”—his face clouds—“do you know that bacon is”—tears leap to his eyes—“Wilbur?” Mrs. Garrett sits down next to him immediately. “George, we’ve been through this. Remember? Wilbur did not get made into bacon.” “That’s right.” I bend down too as wetness overflows George’s lashes. “Charlotte the spider saved him. He lived a long and happy life—with Charlotte’s daughters, um, Nelly and Urania and—” “Joy,” Mrs. Garrett concludes. “You, Samantha, are a keeper. I hope you don’t shoplift.”I start to cough. “No. Never.” “Then is bacon Babe, Mom? Is it Babe?”“No, no, Babe’s still herding sheep. Bacon is not Babe. Bacon is only made from really mean pigs,George.” Mrs. Garrett strokes his hair, then brushes his tears away.“Bad pigs,” I clarify.“There are bad pigs?” George looks nervous. Oops.“Well, pigs with, um, no soul.” That doesn’t sound good either. I cast around for a good explanation. “Like the animals that don’t talk in Narnia.” Dumb. George is four. Would he know Narnia yet? He’s still at Curious George.But understanding lights his face. “Oh. That’s okay then. ’Cause I really like bacon.”


“Is that all you bought?” His eyes shot to the left. “Um.” I clenched my teeth. “What else?” “A Super Mega Juicer,” he said quickly. “But, Sabina, seriously that juicer is a miracle machine.” “I’m a vampire, Giguhl. The only liquids I drink are blood and alcohol. I don’t do juice.”


“Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks.”


“I'd like to thank readers. Every time you open a book, it is a strike against ignorance. Unless you're reading Sarah Palin.”


“No one wears buckles anymore, and I decided to get him some real boots next winter solstice.Some sexy guy boots. Yeah.”


“I stuff another handful of Raisinets in my mouth. What gets me is the 'pretty face' bit. 'Cause I won't mind being reminded I'm fat as long as you water it down first. Why not say, Hey I'm going to insult you, but first I will congratulate your fortunate genetics and appropriate appliclation of Bobbi Brown cosmetics to prevent you from hitting me. Sh*t; I kind of prefer being called a 'fat bitch.' At least it doesn't pull any punches.”


“If you're going to be a superhero, can I be your sidekick?" -April"What?" -Grace"The Dynamic Duo!" -April"Um, I'm pretty sure sidekicks have to have super powers, too. -Grace"Oh Yeah... Okay, but you can always use an Alfred." April"My Alfred?" -Grace"Oh come on Please I can help you design gadgets and stuff. Oh! I can design you outfits for crime fighting!" -April" *sigh* Okay. Sure. But no spandex" -Grace”


“Most people believe most of the things they believe only because they believe that most people believe them.”


“What kind of good deeds? Like Girl Scouts? Because I got kicked out of Brownies and they won't give me another chance to keep my clothes on at camp.”


“Most aspects of my training didn’t agree with me. There wasn’t as much bossing around as I’d hoped for, and there was way too much following orders.”


“He checked out his surrounding. More books. A drinking fountain. A poster showing a guy slam-dunking a basketball with one hand and holding a book in the other, urging kids to READ! Weird, thought Steve. How can he even see the hoop?...You see, Steven, Librarians are the most elite, best trained secret force in the United States of America. Probably in the world.""No way.""Yes way.""What about the FBI?""Featherweights.""The CIA?"Mackintosh snorted. "Don't make me laugh. Those guys can't even dunk a basketball andd read a book at the same time.”


“Jace said that the cast of Gilligan's Island could do something anatomically unlikely with themselves.”


“I was flipping channels, watching this cheerleading program on MTV. They took a field hockey girl and “transformed” her into a cheerleader by the end of the show. I was just wondering: what if she liked field hockey better?”


“Why were you watching me change?" I explain. "Uh, 'cause I'm a guy?" He flips the pillow and slaps it, fluffing it. Then he rolls over and closes his eyes again.”


“He'd gone from sixteen to seventy-five in a matter of seconds, but the old-man smell happened instantly, like boom. Congratulations! You stink!”


“I ain't never seen a creature like that before, she says. He's so smart, he's-More, like a person than a bird? I says.Yeah, she says. That's it.Whatever you do, I says, don't tell him that. I'll never hear the end of it.”


“I expect what you're not aware of would fill several books, Dursely.”


“And who are you supposed to be? the King of snot-nosed delinquents?”


“You don't scare me, Cadence Jones. I've lived with crazy, I've ridden with crazy, I've vacationed with crazy, I've visited crazy in various hospitals, I've sat in on therapy sessions with crazy. Frankly, I think women who don't have major emotional disorders are really very dull.”


“Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens.”


“Uphill? There's nothing up the hill," Colly said, trying desperately to work out where this conversation was going."As a matter of fact, there is. There's a bluff about twelve meters high, with a river running below it. The water's deep, so it'll be quite safe for you to jump." In his brief glimpse of the river, Halt had noticed that the fast-flowing water cut under the bluff in a sharp curve. That should mean that the bottom had been scoured out over the years. A thought struck him. "You can swim, I assume?""Yes. I can swim," Colly said. "But I'm going jumping off some bluff just because you say to!""No, no. Of course not. That'd be asking far too much of you. You'll jump off because if you don't, I'll shoot you. It'll be the same effect, really. If I have to shoot you, you'll fall off. But I thought I'd give you a chance to survive." Halt paused, then added, "Oh, and if you decide to run downhill, I'll also shoot you with an arrow. Uphill and off is really your only chance of survival.""You can't be serious!" Colly said. "Do you really-"But he got no further. Halt leaned forward, putting a hand up to stop the outburst."Colly, take a good, long look into my eyes and tell me if you see anything, anything at all, that says I'm not deadly serious."His eyes were deep brown, almost black. They were steady and unwavering and there was no sign of anything there but utter determination. Colly looked at them and after a few second, his eyes dropped away. halt nodded as the other man's gaze slid away from his."Good. Now we've got that settled, you should try to get some sleep. You have a big day ahead of you tomorrow.”


“My heart skipped a beat and then flat-out tripped over itself and fell on its face. Then my heart stood up, brushed itself off, took a deep breath and announced: "I want a spiritual teacher.”


“And you'd think that killing people would make them like you, but it doesn't. It just- it just makes them dead.”


“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.”


“He's like a man with a fork, in a world of soup. (about his brother Liam)”


“Her eyes went so wide they nearly bulged. It was probably wrong of me to find that amusing. Or to want to take a photo of Nicholas with his fangs out and wearing a black cape lined with red satin and then hang it over my pillow in a heart-shaped frame.”


“Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.”


“I had a dream about you last night. We stopped telling each other about our dreams when we realized we were still inside them.”


“When I turn back to Jase, he’s again beaming at me. “You’re nice.” He sounds pleased, as if he hadn’t expected this aspect of my personality.”


“You can't just call the Praetor. It's not like 1-800-WEREWOLF.”


“The Marquis sighed. "I thought it was just a legend," he said. "Like the alligators in the sewers of New York City."Old Bailey nodded, sagely: "What, the big white buggers? They're down there. I had a friend lost a head to one of them." A moment of silence. Old Naeiley handed the statue back to the Marquis. Then he raised his hand, and snapped it, like a crocodile hand, at the Carabas. "It was OK," gurned Old Bailey with a grin that was most terrible to behold. "He had another.”


“That really was NOT fun, though. Well, the hitting-her-with-a-stick part, that was fun. But crashing into a concrete bear? NOT fun.”


“The prince set her down and dismissed his valet. The latter left with a bow and closed the door. Leaning against the wall, the prince pulled off his stockings. As he walked toward the amethyst tub, he yanked his shirt over his head.He was lean and tightly sinewed. Her little bird heart thudded.He glanced at her, his lips curved in not quite a smile. The next thing she knew, his shirt had flown through the air and landed on the cage, blocking her view toward the bathtub.“Sorry, sweetheart. I am shy.”She chirped indignantly. It was not as if she would have continued to watch him disrobe beyond a certain point.”


“The thought of being with Shay Wilder makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a butter knife”


“I guess being a writer is a little like being a singer, when they're forced to sing that same boring song a million times over to their fans, even though that song was in the charts something like twenty years ago. We must read our book a million times before releasing it, they must sing the same song a million times after release, right? WRONG! It's nothing like that at all, because a song only takes three minutes to sing, whereas the reading of a book takes a fucking lifetime if you hate it already!”


“All of them are the same type; girls with overprocessed hair and too much makeup and way too much access to Daddy’s credit cards. Girls who, if you took away the designer labels, hair dye and cover-up, wouldn’t be more than average-looking, but with all that stuff look too plastic to be pretty.”


“Neythen looked perplexed. 'My mum always said I'm named after a saint, not an illness.''Which one?''Well he had his head chopped off, see? And then he picked it up and carried it down the road a time. All the way back home, I think.''Messy,' Piers said. 'Not to mention unlikely, though one has to think of chickens and their post-mortal abilities. Did she think that you would inherit the same gift?'Neythen blinked. 'No, my lord.''Perhaps she was just hopeful. It behooves mothers to look ahead to this sort of possibility, after all. I'm tempted to behead you just to see if she was right.Sometimes the most unlikely superstitions turn out to have a basis in fact.”


“Is that what you were doing in my room?” he asks after a moment.I sigh. Why am I telling him any of this? “Yes. I was on assignment.”“I was your assignment?”“Yes.” He hesitates a moment, then grins. “That’s kind of hot.”


“Women will buy products in an attempt to become the impossible goal. Men will buy products in an attempt to mate with the impossible goal.”


“What have you done to your hair?” Mom’s broken voice said, pinning me back to this tiny hospitalroom.“Holy shit!” Icka patted her head as if searching. “You think the nurse stole it? She looked shady.”


“Let come the forces of night! We will stand!" "We will get the hell out of here is what we will do," I muttered.”


“I'd never been a good damsel in distress. I was a "hands-on" damsel.”


“It’s fairly standard. Also, I’m fourteen. Also, yourbeard’s stupid.”“Isn’t this fun?” Skulduggery said brightly. “The three of usgetting along so well.”


“Oh, I'm good. Seriously, after all these years, you'd think I would stop amazing myself. But here I am, still doing it.”


“I'd rather have rabies than be in love.""Why?""Because at least you can get over rabies with some shots.”


“In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.”


“you think you've never been wrong before?"-alex"sure i have why just last week I bought bobbi brown sandwash petal lip gloss when the pink blossom color would have looked so much better with my complexion. needless to say the purchase was a total disaster"- brittney"ill bet"-alex."havent you ever been wrong before?"-brittany "absolutely. last week, when i robbed that bank over by the walgreens, I told the teller to hand over all the fifties he had in the till. what i really should have asked for was the twenties 'cause there were way more twenties than fifties"- alex"what a disaster"- brittany”


“I think you must be some kind of a freak. Either that or you’re trying toconvert me to your secret horse religion.”“Darn, you got me,” she says theatrically. “You thwarted my evil plan.”


“You're Nash's brother. And a grim reaper?" She blinked again, and I readied myself for hysterics, or fear, or laughter. But knowing emma, I should have known better. "So you, what? Kill people? Did you kill me that day in the gym?" She clenched the headrest, her expression an odd mix of anger, awe, and confusion. But there was no disbelief. She'd seen and heard enough of the bizarre following her own temporary death that Tod's admission obviously didn't come as that much of a surprise.Or maybe Nash's Influence was still affecting her a little."No," Tod shook his head firmly, but the corners of his mouth turned up in amusement. "I had nothing to do with that. I do kill people, then I reap their souls and take them to be recycled. But only people who are on my list.""So, you're not...dangerous?"His pouty grin deepened into something almost predatory, like the Tod I'd first met two months earlier. "Oh, I'm dangerous....""Tod..." I warned, as Nash punched his brother in the arm, hard enough to actually hurt. "Just not to you," the reaper finished, shrugging at Emma. "I see you all the time, but you've never seen me, because Kaylee said if I got too close to you, I'd suffer eternity without my balls.""Jeez, Tod!" I shouted, my anger threatening to boil over and scald us all.The reaper leaned closer to Emma and spoke in a stage whisper. "She's not as scary as she thinks she is, but I respect her intent.”


“What are you waiting for?" shanna asked. "He's dying! Do it!" Conner looked at Angus. "Ye do it. It was yer idea.""Nay? Ye were the first to suggest it. Ye do it.""I'm no' touching him." Conner said.He nudged Phineas "Ye do it.""I don't even know how!" Phineas poked at Robby. "You do it.""Why me?" Robby turned to Angus. "Ye're the expert. Ye do it."Angus grimaced. "I'm no' doing it. I hate the bugger.""Stop it!" Shanna screamed "You- Forget it! I'll do it myself.""Shanna you don't know how," Roman said."Gods blood. I guess I have to do it." "You guess?" Shanna cried "Are you going to let him die?""He threatens to kill me every time he sees me.”


“Of course it hurts, it’s a spanking. How else would it work?”


“Well, friend, I don’t know about your tastes, but I tend to like it very bloody,” Myrnin said. He shifted position, dragging Claire along like a rag doll without any effort at all. “Have we been introduced?”“Probably not. Why, are you asking me out, sweetheart?”“You’re not my type, darling. Is this one yours?”“No,” Frank said, and looked at Shane, just in a quick flicker. “Let’s say she’s a friend of the family.”


“When they’re together, the world could fall apart around them and they’d never notice or care as long as they have each other.About Alex and Brittany.”


“You are hard at work madam ," said the man near her.Yes," Answered Madam Defarge ; " I have a good deal to do."What do you make, Madam ?"Many things."For instance ---"For instance," returned Madam Defarge , composedly ,Shrouds."The man moved a little further away, as soon as he could, feeling it mightily close and oppressive .”


“When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Then find someone who's life is givin' them vodka and have a party!”


“Jase props himself up on an elbow, looking at me for a minute without saying anything. His face gets an unreadable expression, and I wish I could take back walking over.Then he observes, “I’m guessing that’s a uniform.”Crap. I’d forgotten I was still wearing it.”


“A dancer on break approached him. She smiled. Each tooth was angled in a different direction, as if her mouth were the masterwork of a mad orthodontist. "Hi," she said. "Hi." "You're really cute." "I don't have any money."She spun and walked away. Ah, romance.”


“It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.”


“I think I exist, therefore I exist. I think.”


“I have a secret. A big, fat, hairy secret. And I’m not talking minor-league stuff, like I once let Joseph Applebaum feel me up behind the seventh-grade stairwell or I got a Brazilian wax after work last Friday or I’m hiding a neon blue vibrator called the Electric Slide in my night table. Which I’m not, by the way. In case you were wondering. ”


“Aurora sagged. "Why is it," she asked, "that every time I'm with you two we end up stealing something big?""We always return it," Donegan said, a little defensively. "Maybe not always in one piece or necessarily to the right person but return it we do, and so it is not stealing, it is merely borrowing."Gracious looked at him. "It's a little bit stealing.""Anyone who leaves a private jet just lying around deserves to have it stolen.""It wasn't lying around," said Gracious. "It was locked up tight. It took us an hour to dismantle the security system and get inside."Donegan looked at him. "You're not helping.”


“As your abilities begin to grow, your angelic side will start to manifest itself in more noticeable ways.""My angelic side. Great. Like I don't have enough to deal with.""It's not so bad," Mom says. "You'll learn to control it.""I'll learn to control my hair?”


“Life is a process during which one initially gets less and less dependent, independent, and then more and more dependent.”


“Life would be a great deal easier if dead things had the decency to remain dead.”


“With no chance to take off, I had to play my role, searching for the rendezvous spot, which gave me the excuse to look for an escape opportunity. Maybe a hole in the wall too small for Tori’s mom to follow me through or a precarious stack of boxes I could topple onto her head or an abandoned hammer I could brain her with. I’d never “brained” anyone in my life, but with Tori’s mom, I was willing to try.”


“Nero, we need to talk. Chloe will not get off my ass. I told her,” Amo looked right at Chloe in the eyes, “to walk beside me, but she refuses to even say a word to me.”　　“T-that’s how I walk!” Chloe blurted.　　Elle started laughing; it was too hard not to.　　“Oh, now you can talk because Elle’s around.” Elle only laughed harder. "I blame you!” He pointed at Elle.”


“Sorry for the delay," Vogel said. "I was required to make a bomb.”


“Awesome.""Awesome squared.""Awesome cubed.""Awesome to the power of infinity.""The square root of awesome is-""-Asha." We finish at the same time and laugh.”


“I suppose when you say you slept with him, it was more than just a nap?"Lillian shot her a withering glance. "Daisy, don’t be a pea wit.”


“One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.”


“Envy is for people who don’t have the self-esteem to be jealous.”


“The woman rolled her eyes. “DarkRiver males are damn possessive and complete exhibitionists during the mating dance.”Sascha ran through her dictionary of changeling terminology and could find no fit. “Mating dance?”Mercy whistled. Dorian winced. Tamsyn suddenly got interested in her dough. Clay and Vaughn mysteriously disappeared. Behind her, Lucas’s body was a hard wall of heat. “I think we need to discuss this upstairs.”


“Albus Dumbledore had gotten to his feet. He was beaming at the students, his arms opened wide, as if nothing could have pleased him more than to see them all there."Welcome!" he said. "Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!""Thank you!"He sat back down. Everybody clapped and cheered. Harry didn't know whether to laugh or not.“Is he — a bit mad?” he asked Percy uncertainly."Mad?" said Percy airily. "He's a genius! Best wizard in the world! But he is a bit mad, yes. Potatoes, Harry?”


“I love my pizza so much, in fact, that I have come to believe in my delirium that my pizza might actually love me, in return. I am having a relationship with this pizza, almost an affair.”


“His eyes widened. Oh, hell, you think I'm going to let him bite me? No way. It's too risky and way too guy.”


“You'd be surprised how expensive it costs to look this cheap.”


“At least my happiness doesn't depend on Ron's goalkeeping ability.”


“Minutes passed by. A little blue butterfly landed on my nose. I blinked at it and it fluttered to my ear. A big yellow butterfly gently floated over and landed on my paw. Soon a whole swarm of them floated up and down around me, like a swirl of multicolored petals. It happened in my backyard, too, if the magic was strong enough. Butterflies were small and light, and very magic sensitive. For some reason I made them feel safe and they gravitated to me like iron shavings to a magnet. They ruined my ferocious badass image, but you’d have to be a complete beast to swat butterflies.If a baby deer frolicked out from between the buildings trying to cuddle up, I would roar. I wouldn’t bite it, but I would roar. I had my limits.”


“Um i'm happy to sit close to you and everything, but i had no idea you would like it so much,' Paris muttered.”


“It’s one thing to protect yourself,” Dad yelled at me during our very next lunch. “That I get. Have I ever told you not to defend yourself? No. But did you have to permanently maim him? I spent all that money on that on that fancy school for girls-not to mention all that money for the shrinks-and what did that get me?”I shrugged. “A seven-figure civil suit?”


“The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you.”


“Besides my professional goals, I have a couple of private ones, my man. One of those is to pet a kangaroo before I leave Australia. I understand there's lots of Eastern Grays around this area. What do you say? Are you in?'Bergman looked at him like he'd just made the worst financial investment of his life. 'Kangaroos are wild animals. I've heard they claw like girl fighters and kick like jackhammers. You're going to get your skull crushed.'Cole held up a finger. 'Or I'm going to pet a kangaroo. How cool would that be?”


“Thinking, not for the first time, that life should come with a trapdoor. Just a little exit hatch you could disappear through when you´d utterly and completely mortified yourself. Or when you had spontaneous zit eruptions.“Good book?” he asked, taking it from her and reading the subtitle, “A Guide for Good Girls Who (Sometimes) Want to Be Bad,” out loud.But life did not come with a trapdoor. ”


“I had a dream about you last night... you were there.”


“Aelin would likely laughed to see him now. The man who had stumbled out of her room after she’d declared that her cycle had arrived. Now sitting in this fine room, mostly naked and not giving a shit about it.”


“Shouts of dismay rose as the red flesh splattered against the table. It was only a tomato, but one would think I was pulping a decaying heart by the noise the big, strong FIB officers were making.”


“Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.”


“OY! Stop playing around and lets cook already!"*smack*J-just now, that made a really loud noise.."Do you wanna hear it again?"N-no, you'll just hit me again!"Kyo and Tohru”


“Most of the time romance isn't even about love, anyway. It's about escape. Fantasy. Salvation from the mundane. Save me from boredom, from exhaustion, from my undersexed body, from microwave dinners and reality TV, from going to bed alone with a vibrator or a cat. Save me from my desperately ordinary life.”


“If you call yourself an "authoress" on your Facebook profile, you suck at life. You are stupid and your children are ugly. It doesn't matter if you're just trying to be cute and original. You're not. You are about as original as all those other witless twits "writing" the one millionth shitty Fifty Shades clone. Or maybe you're trying to show your 2000 fake Facebook "friends" that you are an empowered feminist who will not stand for sexist terminology. But you're not showing people that you are fighting the good fight, you're showing people that you are a sheep, who's trying just a little too hard to ride the current wave of idiotic political correctness. The word "author" is no more gender-discrimination than the word "person." Do you call yourself a personess? No, of course not, because then you might as well wear a sign around your neck that says, "Hello, I'm a retard.”


“Called her a whore and attacked her walls, tearing down her posters and throwing her books everywhere. I found out because some whitegirl ran up and said, Excuse me, but your stupid roommate is going insane, and I had to bolt upstairs and put him in a headlock.”


“Venice is beautiful, but like a Bergman movie is beautiful; you can admire it, but you don't really want to live in it.”


“Like your zodiac sign?' Percy asked. 'I'm a Leo.''No, stupid,' Leo said. 'I'm a Leo. You're a Percy.”


“Want a little cheese with that whine, maestro?”


“If he can't get to the clock, any idea how we deal with this lot?""With great care," Donegan suggested."How about we run off shout and they follow?" Said Gracious. "Then, just when they think they've caught us they fall into our trap.""OK," said Tanith. "And that trap would be?""A big hole we'd dug earlier and covered with branches.'Tanith frowned. "I thought you were meant to be smart."Gracious frowned back at her. "Who told you that?""Gracious is book smart," said Donegan. "He leaves the real world thinking to people like you and me and small dogs that he meets.""The innocent are often the wisest.”


“It was time for the mirror pep talk.“Okay, Maggie,” I said to myself after my shower, wiping the steam off the medicine cabinet.“You could eat these kids for breakfast. You won’t, though, because that would be cannibalistic andwrong.”


“I squinted at her. “You’re an adult.” “You’re an adult too.” “But you’re an older adult. You’ve had more practice.” Mom leaned back and laughed.”


“Mooooon!” said the Ogre. “Tranquility …” Then he pointed at the full moon. “Neil Armstrong walked in a sea of tranquility.” Then he added, “It’s made of cheese. But you have to take off the plastic before you put it on a burger.”Mikey sighed.“What’s his story?” the wraith asked.“He’s chocolate,” Mikey said.”


“He said, " I'm a witch."And I said, "You're a wizard, Harry,”


“I had a dream about you last night. We were plug sockets in the bedroom. We saw only a short part of their day, but we knew everything of it.”


“If you have ever seen a dragon in a pinch, you will realize that this was only poetical exaggeration applied to any hobbit, even to Old Took's great-grand-uncle Bullroarer, who was so huge (for a hobbit) that he could ride a horse. He charged the ranks of the goblins of Mount Gram in the Battle of the Green Fields, and knocked their king Golfimbul's head clean off with a wooden club. It sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit-hole, and in this way the battle was won and the game of Golf invented at the same moment.”


“I stared at the phone in disbelief, then ripped a clean sheet of paper from my notebook. I scribbled ' Jerk ' on the first line. On the line beneath it I added, ' Smokes cigars. Will die of lung cancer. Hopefully soon.”


“We must, we must, we must increase our bust.”


“Once upon a time, fairy tales were AWESOME!”


“Shigure Sohma: So anyway I was wondering if you could stop by the house and take a look at Tohru's cut. That is if it isn't a problem. Hatori Sohma: No problem. I'll stop by the house this evening.  Shigure Sohma: Hmmm What's this Hatori I don't think I ever heard you sound so eager to come over. Could it be you have a secret crush on Tohru  [long silence from the other end of the phone] Shigure Sohma: [shouts] I knew it You naughty naughty man you  Hatori Sohma: No I was simply too amazed by your stupidity to say anything.”


“Halt," said Horace, "I've been thinking..."Halt and Will exchanged an amused glance. "Always a dangerous pastime," they chorused. For many years, it had been Halt's unfailing response when Will had made the same statement. Horace waited patiently while they had their moment of fun, then continued."Yes, yes. I know. But seriously, as we said last night, Macindaw isn't so far away from here...""And?" Halt asked, seeing how Horace had left the statement hanging."Well, there's a garrison there and it might not be a b ad idea for one of to go fetch some reinforcements. It wouldn't hurt to have a dozen knights and men-at-arms to back us up when we run into Tennyson."But Halt was already shaking his head."Two problems, Horace. It'd take too long for one of us to get there, explain it all and mobilize a force. And even if we could do it quickly, I don't think we'd want a bunch of knights blundering around the countryside, crashing through the bracken, making noise and getting noticed." He realized that statement had been a little tactless. "No offense, Horace. Present company excepted, of course.”


“He raised his hand in a peaceful gesture. "You need to relax a bit, dove. Like Mouse over there. You trust me, don't you, Mouse?""Nope!""Ahhh, I'm hurt. Nobody likes me.”


“Oh- and grab the plastic bag over by my suitcase."I slug down the last of the coffee and get up. The bag contains panty hose. I put them on her desk."They're for you.""You want me to look homeless, desperate, but also kind of fabulous?”


“Somehow the idea of Montgomery as a fairy doesn't have the same effect on me as it appears to have on you.-Raphael”


“Amelie said, “I won’t be your servant in Morganville. Nor should you be mine. Equals.” She offered her hand to him, and he looked down at it, clearly taken aback. But he took it. “Now defend what is ours, my partner.”He grinned … grinned! … and whirled to meet Myrnin in midleap as Myrnin attacked.”


“You realise you’re going to owe me dinner after this, right?”“How does McDonald’s sound?”“Inadequate.”


“As always, she was carrying the washing. Rudy was carrying two buckets of cold water, or as he put it, two buckets of future ice.”


“If you were anyone else, your nuts would be taking a long vacation, and the destination would be out of your mouth”


“Why must this be so mortifying? Oh, that's right. Because its my life.”


“Okay, so, flying,” I started, taking a deep breath and focusing on the thing I loved most in the world. “Flying is … great. It feels great when you’re doing it. It’s fun. Pure freedom. There’s nothing better.”Dylan smiled, a slow, easy smile that seemed to light up his whole face.“So the first thing we’re going to do,” I told him, “is push you off the roof.”


“You got one guy going boom, one guy going whack, and one guy not getting in the endzone.”


“No, but as a vampire, I'm able to detect subtle shifts in emotional energy.”


“(Sookie's Thoughts on Debbie Pelt) she had been cruel to Alcide, insulted me grievously, burned a hole in my favorite wrap and—oh—tried to kill me by proxy. Also, she had stupid hair.”


“Standing in the corridor was a large plastic bin on wheels. He looked inside. Empty tins of dog food. That explained the spaghetti with meat sauce. Oh well, he'd eaten worse.”


“I believe in evolution in the sense that a short-tempered man is the successor of a crybaby.”


“Bücher haben Ehrgefühl. Wenn man sie verleiht, kommen sie nicht mehr zurück.”


“Brilliance is impossible without a touch of insanity.”


“You guys dated, didn’t you?”“Are you insane? Not even if the continuation of our kind depended on it would I be tempted to do something so awful.”


“you're so full of shit, you ought to be a cow manure”


“Dora can marry anyone she likes when she’s old enough, and I can say with absolute certainty that it won’t be anyone at this table.”


“Haskell to QuinlinYou need anything, Quin, absolutely anything, you call me and I'll be there. Remember, friends help you move. Good friends help you move a body. Best friends bring their own shovel. You say the word, and I'll be there with a spanking new shovel. Or holy water and an exorcism ritual. Whatever works.”


“REAL LIFE vs THE MOVIESBreaking Up in the Movies:Boy #1: This isn’t working out, is it?Boy #2: Sort of not, huh?Boy #1: You can’t say we didn’t try.Boy #2: We sure did. Besides, we’re still best friends.Boy #1: Forever.Boy #2: This is terrific pasta.Breaking Up for Real:Boy #1: Are you asleep?Boy #2: Does it sound like it?Boy #1: I’m sorry about the tuna fish.Boy #2: It isn’t the tuna fish! It’s the last six months!Boy #1: You’re an asshole.Boy #2: Let go of my cock.”


“Well, remember, active Grims can't have children. Fertility is adversley affected by the proximity to the ether, to Elixir, and all sorts of other components-- plus, the Grimsphere is no place to raise a family, even if woman conceive here."Lex snuck a glance at Driggs, but Uncle Mort caught her."That doesn't mean you get a free pass to ride the baloney pony when ever you want to. Got it?”


“I've died before. It was boring, so I stood up.”


“There have been two great narcotics in European civilisation: Christianity and alcohol.”


“Tea should be as bitter as wormwod and as sharp as a two eged swordKit Snicket (a series of unfortunate events)”


“Check thyself before thy wreck thyself.”


“She sighed. Loudly. "Physical appearance is not what is important."Yeah right. Tell that to any girl who hasn't bothered to put on a presentable shirt or fix her hair because she's only running into the grocery store to get a quart of milk for her grandmother, and who does she see tending the 7-ITEMS-OR-LESS cash register but the guy of her dreams, except she can't even say hi—much less try to develop a meaningful relationship—since she looks like the poster child for the terminally geeky.”


“I couldn't think of anything helpful to say, so I resorted to humor, my shield of last resort. 'Just please tell me they don't have a dog and a picket fence.'He smiled. 'No fence, but a dog, two dogs.''What kind of dogs?' I asked.He smiled and glanced at me, wanting to see my reaction. 'Maltese. Their names are Peeka and Boo.''Oh, shit, Edward, you're joking me.''Donna wants the dogs included in the engagement pictures.'I stared at him, and the look on my face seemed to amuse him. He laughed. 'I'm glad you're here, Anita, because I don't know a single other person who I'd have admitted this to.”


“How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck chlamydia?”


“Bug spray.” Mosquitoes never bother me, but apparently they eat Tucker alive if he forgets bug spray. So I wear it for solidarity. “All the kids wearit,” I explain to Mom. “They say the mosquito is the Wyoming state bird.”


“Nothing says awkward like coming in your pants while dry humping.”


“[Kagura is doing laundry and tries to wring out Kyou's shirt causing it to rip in two ]  Kyo Sohma: Tell me what I think just happened didn't just happen  Kagura: My love ! Kyo Sohma: My shirt!”


“I know more damn perverts, at schools and all, than anybody you ever met, and they’re always being perverty when I’m around.”


“She called me ‘my lady,’ ” she told him in a plaintive voice. “I don’t know who that is. I’m no lady.” The last of his fury faded away to be replaced with a quick gleam. He peered under the sheet. “I can attest to that.”


“Maybe she should cut the guy a little slack, [...] Maybe Thorne had been a no-show because something bad happened to him on the job.What if he'd been injured in the line of duty and didn't come by as promised because he was incapacitated in some way? Maybe he hadn't called to apologize or to explain his absence because he physically couldn't. Right. And maybe she had checked her brain into her panties from the second she first laid eyes on the man.”


“As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.”


“Hackers are nerdy, pasty, tubby, little geeks with triple thick glasses and this is probably a demented otaku with smelly feet. So catching him will be a breeze!”


“He made a sound of disgust in the back of his throat. "Oh thank you so much. That's what every man wants to hear about his name. You might as well call me 'Little Pecker' while you're at it and tell me you would love to have me go shopping with you for feminine hygiene products. Oh and by all means, carry a big, sparkling pink bag with flowers on it and make me hold it.”


“Why me?" I blurted out, and then closed my eyes briefly. "Okay. Don't answer that."The food arrived just then一thank God一and the conversation was deterred...for about two minutes. "I'm going to answer that question," Cam said, peering at me through his lashes.I wanted to face-plant my stuffed chicken. "You don't have to.""No, I think I do.”


“When you sit that way, you look kind of like a beach ball with a head,” he continued. “Your haircut is really, really bad, I’m probably going to lose my job for helping you this way, and I’m dying to fuck you.” He glanced at her. “That honest enough for you?”


“Excuse me?" I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. "Coffee? I thought we came here for pie." "I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here." I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked.”


“Let your eyes talk, mouth listens and ear sleeps.”


“I sort of fell.""Percy! Six hundred and thirty feet?”


“We were surrounded by thirty-foot-tall giants who were about to kill us. Then the sky opened up, and the gods descended.""Grandad," the kids said, "you are full of schist." "I'm not kidding!" he protested.”


“Most sane human beings who are over the age of six usually act or react not as per what they genuinely feel or really think but in accordance with the expectations of those around them.”


“If you want to save your child from polio, you can pray or you can inoculate. ... Choose science.”


“This is a theater," Bertie, annoyed by the inquisition, dropped him onto stage. Several feet of slack cable landed atop the fairy in a slithering heap."Oh!" Peaseblossom said. "You've buried him alive!”


“Getting money from my dad is a finesse job. Luckily, I have finesse coming out of my arse. I barged into his study without knocking, marched across to his desk, and held out my hand. “Give me twenty pounds,” I snapped. “I need twenty pounds. Give it to me. Now!”


“If all of your friends are morons is it afelony, a misdemeanor or an act of God ifyou blow their fucking heads off with athirty-eight magnum?”


“I had a dream about you last night.. you were trying to give coordinates to an apple”


“I wish my nose would blow me for once.”


“If a problem can be solved, there is nothing to worry about. If it can't be solved, well you can always buy chocolate :)”


“I don’t dwell on the fact that I may have ridden on planes. That which I can’t remember having needed, I simply accept. It is the most preferable kind of self-insight: one that does not require any accompanying change in behavior.”


“the table of elements does not contain one of the most powerful elements that make up our world, and that is the element of surprise.”


“Weirdism is definitely the cornerstone of many an artist's career.”


“I said, names aren't important," he repeated. There was a silence between them for some seconds, then the Ranger said: "Do you know what is important?"Will shook his head."Supper is important!”


“First blood is mine.Last blood counts for more.--Artemis Entreri and Drizzt Do'Urden”


“Goodfellow snickered."Wouldn't be any fun if we didn't run into some sort of catastrophe." Pulling his dagger ,he waved me on."After you,your highness.Puck to Ash”


“[novan]: bassists are very good with their fingers[novan]: and some of us sing backup vocals, so that means we're good with our mouths too...(~ IM chat with Novan Chang, 18, bassist)”


“This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us.”


“He balled his hand into a fist. "You are such a bitch." "Woof, woof," I said.”


“This is precisely why I loathed being a teacher! Young people are so infernally convinced that they are absolutely right about everything. Has it not occurred to you, my poor puffed-up poppinjay, that there might be an excellent reason why the Headmaster of Hogwarts is not confiding every tiny detail of his plans to you? Have you never paused, while feeling hard-done-by, to note that following Dumbledore's orders has never yet led you into harm? No. No, like all young people, you are quite sure that you alone feel and think, you alone recognise danger, you alone are the only one clever enough to realise what the Dark Lord may be planning.”


“I cook better than you," Nick corrected absently. "I think monkeys can probably be taught to cook better than you.""I'd like to have a monkey that cooked for me," said Jamie. " I would pay him in bananas. His name would be Alphonse.""I agree, that would be awesome." Mae said. "People would come for dinner just to see the monkey chef.""You're raving," Nick said, defrosting chicken in the microwave. Mae was a bit impressed with how he seemed to look at the appliance and instantly comprehend its mysteries, when she'd been heating up ready-made meals for years by a method of pressing random buttons and hoping. " I know that's the only way Jamie communicates with people, but I expected better of you, Mavis.""We're cutting out the whole Mavis thing right now, Nick," Mae said warningly."How many bananas would be good payment for a monkey?" Jamie wanted to know. " I would want to pay Alphonse a fair wage.”


“Rhiannon's Law #16: If it looks like a rabbit, and it hops like a rabbit, run the other way and fast. That shit is liable to tear you arm off.”


“Use that fluff of yours you call a brain.”


“I moved to assist, but never got the chance. there was some pretty violent banging for a minute, and then a tearing sound. Finally the stall door flew open, and Ray's shirtless body emerged and started bitch-slapping everything in sight.His aim was off, probably due to the difficulty of having his eyes on the other side of the room, but he made up for it with sheer determination.”


“Who-who are you?" Seth asked, hesitantly."Wh-what do you want?" How else was was I supposed to reply? The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.I mean, I'd only seen the movie like seventeen times. "I'm Luke Skywalker," I said. "I'm here to rescue you.”


“If you want to change the world, just change yourself. The world needs traitors.”


“I don’t know who you think you are” — my mother’s voice was low and dangerous — “but if you don’t get out of my way right this instant, it won’t matter.”Adam was the Alpha werewolf in charge of the local pack. He was tough. He could be mean when he had to — and he wouldn’t stand a chance against my mom.”


“Blackmailers never explain their thinking. They're like pirates that way. Dark-hearted, dangerous--- and cool like Johnny Depp.”


“She has to agree to have me. It could take some time, but I’m confident I can trick her into it.”


“I'm done. I'm going to go to bed and read important books about theater.""It would would be easier if you just said porn," Scarlett said."No idea what you're talking about. But knock first if you need me.”


“Extinguished theologians lie about the cradle of every science as the strangled snakes beside that of Hercules; and history records that whenever science and orthodoxy have been fairly opposed, the latter has been forced to retire from the lists, bleeding and crushed if not annihilated; scotched, if not slain.”


“Any other iron on you?” he asked impatiently.“Just my tongue stud.”His look was a mixture of curiosity and horror.“I’m kidding, you idiot. Let’s go.”


“When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.”


“I was just turned last week. I'm a librarian."He stilled, as if I'd just told him I was the inventor of the tube top. "I watched a movie about a librarian once. Well, she was a librarian by day, a call girl by--"I stopped him with a quick lift of an eyebrow. "If you finish that sentence, we cannot be friends.”


“Just stay close to us. If we get in trouble, we'll kill everything.”


“Mark, some answers to your earlier questions: No, we will not tell our Botany Team to "Go fuck themselves." [...]The data transfer rate just isn't enough for the size of music files, even in compressed formats. So your request for "Anything, oh god, ANYTHING but Disco" is denied. Enjoy your boogie fever.”


“Little-known fact about cheerleaders: They keep schedules that would make grown marines cry.”


“I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy.”


“I had a dream about you last night.. You thought you were a candy vampire, you were standing in the sun screaming 'I'm melting.”


“I had a dream about you last night... I was a brick and you were a blanket. Damn that improbability drive.”


“What do you want, MacGuffin, a duel?”“No.” Julian held out both hands, one palm flat, the other held over it in a fist. “Rock, paper, scissors. Two out of three.”Ty rolled his eyes and held out his fist, apparently willing to play. Julian hit his palm three times, and Ty kept time with his fist in the air. But when Julian threw a paper, Ty reached into his jacket with his other hand and pulled his gun, aiming it at Julian.“Ty!” Zane said in exasperation from the front seat.“Glock, paper, scissors. I win.”“You are an ass,” Julian muttered.”


“Do you never get exhausted being so wholly unbearable?”


“As I get older, I just prefer to knit. ”


“I'm a whore!"Miki hit the brakes...her hands.. gripping the steering wheel, glanced at Sara. "You're not wearing any underwear, are you?"Sara let out a strangled squeal...”


“Ever since my famous battle with Python, I've had a phobia of scaly reptilian creatures. (Especially if you include my stepmother, Hera. BOOM!)”


“Nix had told Emma before she'd left for Europe that on this trip she would 'do that which you were born to do.' Apparently, Emma was born to get kidnapped by a deranged Lykae. Her fate sucked.”


“Kyo Sohma: One of these days I'll make you say you're sorry  Yuki Sohma: looking bored I'm sorry.  Kyo Sohma: Dammit That's not what I meant Don't you have any shame  Yuki Sohma: still looking annoyed Yes I'm ashamed to be seen with you shouting in public. Kyo Sohma: Oh that's it We're taking this outside  Yuki Sohma: still looking annoyed We ARE outside you stupid cat.”


“When they throw the water on the witch, she says, “Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness”. That line inspired my life. I sometimes say it to myself before I go to sleep, like a prayer.”


“Every single person is a fool, insane, a failure, or a bad person to at least ten people.”


“The most upsetting thing about Society’s attitude towards disabled people is that many millions of disabled people became disabled while trying to please Society, the very same bitch that secretly regards them as subhuman.”


“Welcome to Telepathics Anonymous. Don’t bother introducing yourself.”


“You don’t like romantic shit,” Luke remarks and frowns at me.“I don’t like watching you lay the romantic shit on my best friend, pal. It’s disgusting. This,” I gesture around the room with my hands, “is not a movie. But I do like watching Zac Efron, Channing Tatum, and a number of other hot actors lay on the romantic shit in a movie. I have a vagina.”“I’m aware,” Luke remarks earning a glare from Nate. “Although, not first-hand,” he quickly adds.”


“To the stupidity of men, " Dakota said, raising a glass. "And my brother, who is their king.”


“My melon soulCrushed by your Gallagher of apathy”


“He's bound to have done something,” Nobby repeated.In this he was echoing the Patrician's view of crime and punishment. If there was crime, there should be punishment. If the specific criminal should be involved in the punishment process then this was a happy accident, but if not then any criminal would do, and since everyone was undoubtedly guilty of something, the net result was that, in general terms, justice was done.”


“Since Sienna was in an unusually cooperative mood, the session went well. He was returning from it midmorning - after a short detour - when a small naked body barreled into him in one of the main corridors. Steadying the boy with Tk, he looked down. The child lifted a finger to his lips. "Shh. I'm hiding." With that, he went behind Judd and scrambled into a small alcove. "Quickly!Not sure why he obeyed the order, Judd backed up to stand in front of the alcove, arms crossed. A flustered Lara came running around the corner a few seconds later. "Have you seen Ben? Four-year-old. Naked as a jaybird?""How tall is he?" Judd asked in his most overbearing Psy manner.Lara stared. "He's four. How tall do you think he is? Have you seen him or not?""Let me think...did you say he was naked?""He was about to be bathed. Slippery little monkey."A giggle from behind Judd.Lara's eyes widened and then her lips twitched. "So you haven't seen him?""Without a proper description, I can't be sure."The healer was obviously trying not to laugh. "You shouldn't encourage him - he's incorrigible as it is."Judd felt childish hands on his left calf and then Ben poked his head out. "I'm incorwigeable, did ya hear?"Judd nodded. "I do believe you've been found. Why don't you go have your bath?""Come on, munchkin." Lara held out a hand.Surprisingly strong baby arms and legs wrapped around Judd's leg. "No. I wanna stay with Uncle Judd."Lara anticipated his question. "Ben spends a lot of time with Marlee.""I spend a lot of time with Marlee," a small voice piped up.”


“A customer facing crucial decisions: What should I wipe myself with? What should I brush with? His personal hygiene was deteriorating rapidly as he stared at the rows of possibilities, sweating profusely. Would he ever bathe again?”


“A classroom . People trying to stick me in classrooms was becoming as predictable and annoying as people trying to kill me, but with less-fun results.”


“Wait, Richard Cheney, as in Dick Cheney? You're a vampire named Dick Cheney? Somehow, that makes you seem more evil.”


“Actions defined a man; words were a fart in the wind.”


“We are way less likely to love someone just because they love us than we are to hate someone just because they hate us.”


“I've taken care of it," I saidMy father looked at me, shocked.Then I realized "taken care of" had a very specific meaning in his line of work."No, no, I mean he's gone.”

paraphrased by Alethia from a book by Son of the Mob


“I'm not saying he was, like, crying tears of man pain over the phone, but he sounded upset.”


“And," added Mikey. "she's my sister."The others looked at him for a moment, and broke out laughing."Yeah, yeah," Squirrel scoffed, "and the McGill is my cousin."Now Allie burst out laughing, which made Mikey more annoyed."If the McGill was your cousin," Mikey said, "I can guarantee he'd disown you.”


“I was doing my little stand up shtick, the one I did for pretty girls, so they'd like me quickly and wouldn't try too hard to actually get to know me beyond my role as wisecracking Cameron, the orphan. Maybe it was a little like flirting, but also a kind of protection: Don't get too close; I'm just jokes with substance.”


“Some people will hate you for not loving them.”


“I’m not going to fucking calm down. I’m going to hunt that bastard down and murderhim.”“Oh fuck,” Hank rocked back on his heels, his eyes went to the ceiling, his hands went to his hips.“What?” I asked.“Nothin’.”“What?” I asked, louder.His eyes came back to me. “You aren’thuntin’ anyone down.”“Wel … no,” I said, staring at him like he was crazy. “I was just saying that because I’m mad as hell. I wouldn’t begin to know how to hunt him down.””


“Finding out that you are not your lover’s only lover hurts, but not as much as discovering that you are the side chick … or the side dick.”


“As libertines we seek to find and provide pleasures for others before pleasing ourselves. Libertines are never boorish, profane or blasphemous. We seek to lessen any cause for offence while maximizing pleasure. After our liaisons, our return is eagerly anticipated, and our departure is mourned. For most men the reverse is the case. In a world where most men are barely on before they are off again, we take the time and the care to be gentle lovers and build the sighs and the panting of true delight.”


“They say money talks, but all mine ever says is 'good-bye sucker.”


“June cackled with delight, muttering, "Whoops!" as a car almost killed them.”


“Ford Prefect suppressed a little giggle of evil satisfaction, realized that he had no reason to suppress it, and laughed out loud, a wicked laugh.”


“I heard the car door shut and then Fabian's voice. "You won't believe what I found around the edge of your property," the ghost announced. "A cave with prehistoric painting inside it!" I rolled my eyes. That was the best tactic Fabian could come up with? This was a vampire he was trying to stall, not a paleontologist.”


“You're in a rather odd mood today."I'm soaking wet, Eloise."No need to snap at me about it, I didn't force you to walk across town in the rain."It wasn't raining when I left,". There was something about a sibling that brought out the eight-year-old in a body.I'm sure the sky was gray," Clearly, she had a bit of the eight-year-old in her as well.”


“How did you do it?" I brought the teacup to my mouth for another sip. "How did you guide Sophie's soul? I thought you were a reaper.""He's both," Nash said from behind me, and I turned just as he followed my father through the front door, pulling his long sleeves down one at a time. He and my dad had just loaded Aunt Val's white silk couch into the back of my uncle's truck, so he wouldn't have to deal with the bloodstains when he and Sohie got back from the hospital. "Tod is very talented."Tod brushed the curl back from his face and scowled.Harmony spoke up from the kitchen as the oven door squealed open. "Both my boys are talented.""Both?" I repeated, sure I'd heard her wrong.Nash sighed and slid onto the chair his mother had vacated, then gestured toward the reaper with one hand. "Kaylee, meet my brother, Tod.”


“All I could determine was that it must have been a nice thing to see if it was a house you were thinking about moving into. But not so nice if it was the house you were moving out from. I could practically hear Mr Collins, who had taught my fifth-grade English class and was still the most intimidating teacher I'd ever had, yelling at me. "Amy Curry," I could still hear him intoning, "never end a sentence with a preposition!" Irked that after six hears he was still mentally correcting me, I told the Mr. Collins in my head to off fuck.”


“She'd made him watch every Alien movie. Most of the goriest scenes were accompanied by his dialogue: 'Ach, that's no' - that's just no' right.... Bloody hell, this canna be right.”


“Cover me!' Augustus said as he jumped out from behind the wall and raced toward the school. Isaac fumbled for his controller and thenstarted firing while the bullets rained down on Augustus, who was shot once and then twice but still ran, Augustus shouting,'YOU CAN’T KILL MAX MAYHEM!' and with a final flurry of button combinations, he dove onto the grenade, which detonated beneath him. His dismembered body exploded like a geyser and the screen went red. A throaty voice said, 'MISSION FAILURE,' but Augustus seemed to think otherwise as he smiled at his remnants on the screen. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a cigarette, and shoved it between his teeth.'Saved the kids' he said.'Temporarily' I pointed out.'All salvation is temporary' Augustus shot back. 'I bought them a minute. Maybe that’s the minute that buys them an hour, which is the hour that buys them a year. No one’s gonna buy them forever, Hazel Grace, but my life bought them a minute. And that’s not nothing.”


“Without humor, we’d all be what we’re laughing at. Without arrogance, we’d be humiliated to admit we already are.”


“It is still cheating, even if nobody comes.”


“It was because a great-looking man with no apparent mental defects found her attractive. Imagine feeling so buoyant over something so juvenile.”


“I feel as though whenever I create something, my Mr. Hyde wakes up in the middle of the night and starts thrashing it. I sometimes love it the next morning, but other times it is an abomination.”


“Don't even think of arguing with me. I'm an old woman and if you fight me about it, it could give me a heart attack.”


“I need another drink!” I said as a second attempt to change the subject. “Shots!” America yelled. Shepley rolled his eyes. “Oh, yeah. That’s what you need, another shot.”


“We needed a refrigerator for our new place and I've never bought a refrigerator my whole life. I went into the appliance store, there's like 900 of 'em lined up, there's a salesman there. What's this guy supposed to say about refrigerators? "Well you got this refrigerator here, This keeps all your food cold for 600...You've got this refrigerator, This keeps all your food cold for 800...Check this out, 1400, keeps all your food cold.”


“I was performing my ritual of sipping tea, shooting flirtatious glances and planning murder”


“And so really, you have given me no choice but to take you shopping byforce.” She sighed, then reached up, dropping her sunglasses down fromtheir perch on her head to cover her eyes. “Do you even realize how happythe average teenage girl would be in your shoes? I have a credit card. We’reat the mall. I want to buy you things. It’s like adolescent nirvana.”- Cora”


“Yes she met with a slight accident involving a stake." Ash said "funny how that happens sometimes...”


“He begged to know to which of his fair cousins the excellency of its cookery was owing. Briefly forgetting her manners, Mary grabbed her fork and leapt from her chair onto the table. Lydia, who was seated nearest her, grabbed her ankle before she could dive at Mr. Collins and, presumably, stab him about the head and neck for such an insult.”


“No funny business. I’ll scream and dead or not it will hurt your ears”


“I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me.”


“Objection!" Metz shouts.Grounds?" the judge asks.Well...he's my witness!”


“Might have just been an innocent bystander, sir,’ said Carrot‘What, in Ankh-Morpork?’‘Yes, sir.’‘We should have grabbed him, then, just for the rarity value”


“And oil's not supposed to mix with water. But then someone invented mayonnaise, and wham - instant mixing.”


“I had a dream about you last night... You turned red, then green, and then blue. You told me you were trying to fit in with the m&m's.”


“Nero lowered his head to speak in her ear, keeping his hands on her arms to lock her in place. “My problem is simple, Elle. I have a problem with you having no trouble saying thank you to someone else. I have a problem with you wrapping your arms around someone else. And I have a big fucking problem with you not minding kissing someone else. Not one fucking time have you done any of those things to me without my asking, or just doing it because you want to, not because I want you to.”


“I had a dream about you last night.. You were in the amazon rain forest yipping like a dog.”


“I had a dream about you last night... You tried to propose with a digital ceramic heater.”


“Goblin tea resembles a nice cup of Earl Grey in much the same way that a catfish resembles the common tabby. They share a name, but one is a nice thing to curl up with on a rainy afternoon, and the other is found in the muck at the bottom of polluted rivers and has bits of debris sticking to it.”


“Looking but not seeing is the hearing but not understanding of the eye.”


“Sophie, honey, stop looking at me like that,” Garrett said gruffly. “You’ll have me convinced I’m going to die.”“You’re not?”


“I will make thee think thy swan a crow.”


“Mardi Gras, baby. Mardi Gras. Time when all manner of weird shit cuts loose and parties down.”


“If I let you go are you going to hit me again?”“What do you think?”“Then I’m not going to let you go.”


“Don't cross me Scooby-Doo. I'm not an old man in a mask waiting to be thwarted by you meddling kids.”


“Who’s there?”“The scratcher of your itch,” he said.She opened the door a crack and stuck her nose out. “Was that supposed to be romantic?”


“If I were to vote, I would intentionally vote for the goofiest candidate. It is my theory that when the people can outwit the leader, the more respected their voices will be.”


“We may not be all that bright, Jace said, but at least we are alive.”


“I was shown into a room. A red room. Red wallpaper, red curtains, red carpet. They said it was a sitting-room, but I don’t know why they’d decided to confine its purpose just to sitting. Obviously, sitting was one of the things you could do in a room this size; but you could also stage operas, hold cycling races, and have an absolutely cracking game of frisbee, all at the same time, without having to move any of the furniture.It could rain in a room this big.”


“I had the great idea of using markers to gently color the ants so I could tell them apart, but I learned that this is exactly like somebody trying to gently color on you with a thirty-story building. Without dwelling on the tragedy, I'd just like to say that I'm deeply sorry to Mr. Purple and the surviving Purple family.”


“Selling eternal life is an unbeatable business, with no customers ever asking for their money back after the goods are not delivered.”


“If the morning never comes, because the night before didn't end, then surely it's harder to feel like shit the next day if you don't sleep”


“There are many other little refinements too, Mr. Bohlen. You'll see them all when you study the plans carefully. For example, there's a trick that nearly every writer uses, of inserting at least one long, obscure word into each story. This makes the reader think that the man is very wise and clever. So I have the machine do the same thing. There'll be a whole stack of long words stored away just for this purpose."Where?"In the 'word-memory' section," he said, epexegetically.”


“I HAVE TO MEET HIM. I don’t think I can keep this up. I don’t care if it ruins everything. I’m this close to making out with my laptop screen.”


“She'd had sex with a demon. Tayla swallowed bile and tried to keep her stomach from heaving. She needed to shower. And douche.”


“Sarah, honey, I hardly think kidnappers are going to take the time to buy a memento of their stay. I could be wrong, but it seems rather unlikely.”


“I had a dream about you last night. We went to the store cupboard to make out, but we ended up sharing our pain and then crying together. We wasn't prepared for this level of intimacy.”


“I think one of the problems in this country is that too many people are screwing things up, committing crimes and then getting on with their lives. What is really needed for public officials who shame themselves is ritual suicide.”


“My mate is really, really weird.She is also absolutely covered in brown, mushy clay.She laughs and holds a large lump up to show it to me. Her mouth moves, and she makes enough noise to scare away a group of birds near the shore.She is so, so strange.”


“Critter: I was fairly relieved when Sea took off on her own. She was wearing some two-sizes-too-small T-shirt, practically forcing my eyes to home in on “the girls,” and all I could think was I’m going to turn into a pillar of salt.”


“It may be prodigious, but it's all Greek to me!”


“He needed to gather her up, hold on to her, anything to help her stop trembling. Something was going to shake loose if she didn’t.”


“It’s possible to be flippant here, when Jihadists fly aircraft into buildings they shout God is Great, what do atheists shout when they do it?”


“I had a dream about you last night.. You kept screaming at Ted Danson to pour you a drink.”


“I had a dream about you last night... Well I say dream I mean nightmare... you were a Yankee fan.”


“I had a dream about you. You were being hung. I had a sword in one hand and a stool in the other. I couldn’t decide which one to use, so I stood on the stool and threw myself on the sword. It was the least I could do to protest capital punishment.”


“The show doesn’t go on because it’s ready; it goes on because it’s 11:30.”


“Sure. What's the worst that could happen." Twenty minutes later, we had our answer. "I can't frecking believe this."I cringed. "I'm so sorry.""I'm bald!" Giguhl continued. "I look like a freak.""It's not that bad," I said. But it was. Oh, my lord was it bad. I'd never seen an uglier cat in my entire life.”


“Who cares if you have a girlfriend, anyway?""I care" Simon said gloomily. "Pretty soon the only people left without a girlfriend will be me and Wendell the school janitor. And he smells like windex.”


“Somebody dies and people eat your food. Funny how that works.”


“Perfect,” he groaned. “You are perfect.” He sank his teeth into her ass, hard, drawing blood. “And now you wear my mark,” he finished proudly. “Your ass is mine.”


“I've been thinking of installing a train in my house. It could bring me shrimp crackers from the kitchen.”


“A red eight-sided sign always means: A) Stop. B) Go. C) Danger! Red octogons ahead!”


“Marcus couldn't believe it. Dead. A dead duck. OK, he'd been trying to hit it on the head with a piece of sandwich, but he tried to do all sorts of things, and none of them had ever happened before. He'd tried to get the highest score on the Stargazer machine in the kabab shop on Hornsey road - nothing. He'd tried to read Nicky's thoughts by staring at the back of his head every maths lesson for a week - nothing. It really annoyed him that the only thing he'd ever achieved through trying was something he hadn't really wanted to do that much in the first place. And anyway, since when did hitting a bird with a sandwich ever kill it? People spend half their lives throwing things at the ducks in Regent's Park. How come he managed to pick a duck that pathetic?”


“It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's fun and games you can't see anymore.”


“Because she left him a MySpace message that was semi-flirty, and then today he was very vague about what he was doing. So I headed over to his house and waited outside until he left. And now he’s at McDonald’s, and I’m following him to see where else he’s going.” MySpace is seriously going to be responsible for everyone losing their minds.”


“Anna shuddered. "Orange is not the colour of seduction, Christopher. Orange is the colour of despair, and pumpkins.”


“Hey,” Shayne said through the door. “You going to stay in there all night, because we’re getting tired of trying to eavesdrop from out here. Can’t hear a damn thing.”


“I'm talking about doing something good for mankind. Imagine how awesome everyone would feel if they knew all that holy stuff was real." -Gregori"Stuff? Four years of giving sermons, and that what I get back? Holy stuff?”


“Over the road there was a church: a modern gray building, which constantly played a recording of church bells. Strange it was. Why no proper bells? I never went in but I bet it was a robot church for androids, where the Bible was in binary and their Jesus had laser eyes and metal claws.”


“That's so cute! They have birdbaths in the church!”


“She didn’t sound overjoyed. She didn’t sound even slightly joyed.”


“I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed.”


“Put me down, I’m too heavy.”“You’re small enough to fit in my pocket.”


“Shut. Up," June squealed. "You have a date with that guy?" She giggled and covered her mouth. "Shut up, shut up, shut up! Tell me everything.""I can't do both," I pointed out.”


“Only then did I see. Something was amiss with Patrick's snap-on one piece, or "onesie" as we manly dads like to call it. His chubby thighs, I now realized, were squeezed into the armholes, which were so tight they must have been cutting off his circulation. The collared neck hung between his legs like an udder. Up top, Patrick's head stuck out through the unsnapped crotch, and his arms were lost somewhere in the billowing pant legs. It was quite a look.”


“If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?”


“Divorce runs high these days, but I’m an exception to the norm. I got divorced when marriage was still popular.”


“What we’ve got here is a lunatic genius ghost-in-the-computer monorail that likes riddles and goes faster than the speed of sound. Welcome to the fantasy version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”


“He's wearing flannel!" Alan yelped. "He's shoving his straight in my face!”


“Where does love reveal itself? In beds, sofas, bathtubs – each section of a department store has its advantages.”


“The rage that had expolded inside me diffused. I didn't know where it had come from. I had a short temper and often acted impulsively,but this had been intense and ugly even for me. Weird.”


“People keep asking "Jacob or Edward?" when the really important question is "Diamond Dave or Sammy?”


“At this, Gansey rolled over onto his back and folded his hands on his chest. He wore a salmon polo shirt, which, in Blue’s opinion, was far more hellish than anything they’d discussed to this point.”


“Never dance in a puddle when there's a hole in your shoe (it's always best to take your shoes off first).”


“Travis: The Aphrodite kids were ripping each other’s clothes and throwing lipstick and jewellery. It was like a rabid herd of wild Bratz.”


“It's all life is. Just going 'round kissing people.”


“We need to save the forests. I have a big warehouse we can store them in.”


“Nancy was so thrilled, I thought she was going to kiss me—and I thought I was actually going to have to hit a chick.”


“He stood and inhaled, then walked a few more feet, stooped, and prodded a chunk of rabbit fur.“I’m definitely thinking something with more body parts,” I said. “Like a head.”He gave a snort of a laugh. “It’s probably around here somewhere, but I suppose you want the parts attached, too.”


“I'm telling you, Augustus Waters talked so much that he'd interrupt you at his own funeral.”


“Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair.”


“The stars have a strong effect on our daily shopping lives. Hollywood is astrology’s only credible conspiracy.”


“We need to revitalize the American spirit. People are always asking ‘What would the founding fathers do,’ but I have yet to witness a single séance.”


“Since I had a soft spot for zombies and my curiosity was killing me, I opted for plan Z.”


“Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly.”


“I'd sold my soul to get out of detention.”


“His hand cups the back of my neck, and before I can think, he dips down and our mouths meet. For a split second I worry that he thinks he's kissing Courtney. But that instant the warmth of his soft lips spreads into mine, all thoughts dissolve. Pure feeling is all I have left. Little electric sparks sip through my bloodstream, making sure every nerve in my body is focused on his amazing mouth.”


“What's a slut?" I ask him."A girl who puts out too easily.""Puts out what?" I imagine Greer putting out dinner and don't understand what Iwan wouldn't like about that."Puts out, you know..." His face, already beet red from our run, turns a darker scarlet. "Sex."I wonder where Greer puts the sex out.”


“I don't have a master. I'm not sure if I have an equal.”


“My grandma Ruthie, Jettie's sister, had been married four times, so many times I started calling every old man I saw at the grocery store Grandpa.”


“Most of a husband’s life is spent in doing research on his wife.”


“Don’t believe what you hear about those penguins. A species of lazy waddlers. Their extinction is immanent.”


“Do you remember our first kiss? I do. Not a day goes by I don’t think of the feel of that bicuspid against my tongue. It had such a distinctive feel, neither cuspid nor molar…but I’m not sure it knew that – that was what endeared it to me so. It was like the blunted tusk of a wild boar.”


“Trees are corrupting our parks. They should be arrested for loitering. For deciduous trees, add littering and indecent exposure to that list of offenses.”


“I don't think you can fight because you're wearing a wedding dress" said Jem. "And for what it's worth, I don't think Will could fight in that dress either.""Perhaps not," said Will, who had ears like a bat's. "But I would make a radiant bride.”


“Dear sirs, The cold war isn’t over. When national borders fail, the epidermis is the last line of defense. We are counting on you.Sincerely,Patriot”


“No, I don't like you, I just thought you were cute enough to kiss you.”


“She’s a lunatic,” says Conrad.“Absolutely insane,” says Guntram.“Either completely fearless or utterly stupid,” says Conrad.“She’s going to fit right in,” says Guntram.”


“While we’re at it, why don’t we add a third emotion to this list: lust. You are probably unaware that Linnaeus lumped the tomato into the same genus as the potato, a food with a reputation for its widespread availability and easy satisfaction of oral needs.”


“Divination is turning out to be much more trouble than I could have foreseen, never having studied the subject myself.”


“I had a dream about you last night... Unfortunately, it wasn't a dream.”


“You know, I don’t get why Fred and George only got three O.W.L.s each,” said Harry, watching as Fred, George, and Lee collected gold from the eager crowd. “They really know their stuff. . . .”“Oh, they only know flashy stuff that’s no real use to anyone,” said Hermione disparagingly.“No real use?” said Ron in a strained voice. “Hermione, they’ve got about twenty-six Galleons already. . . .”


“What is a quote? A quote (cognate with quota) is a cut, a section, a slice of someone's orange. You suck the slice, toss the rind, skate away.”


“I know because I read. Might I suggest you try it?”


“Eve talking to someone on her computer and having trouble with the language translator....."I have two like crimes. Your data and your input on Leclerk would be very helpful"Marie pursed her lips and humor danced in her eyes."It says you would like to have sex with me. I don't think that is correct""Oh, for Christ sake" Eve slammed a fist against the machine.....”


“Some people avoid thinking deeply in public, only because they are afraid of coming across as suicidal.”


“I can pay you."He raised his eyebrows. "I'm sure there are services for that.Maybe you can try calling 1-800-HOOKERS or something?""You know the number well?”


“The [Five Second Rule] has many variations, including The Three Second Rule, The Seven Second Rule, and the extremely handy and versatile The However Long It Takes Me to Pick Up This Food Rule.”


“My parents raised me that you never ask people about their reproductive plans. “You don’t know their situation,” my mom would say. I considered it such an impolite question that for years I didn’t even ask myself. Thirty-five turned into forty faster than McDonald’s food turns into cold nonfood.”


“The Dimwit's Guide to the Female Mind might assist your efforts in understanding human females. But it must be pointed out that this subject can be a dangerous adventure and should be undertaken with extreme caution. After all, human males have been trying to understand their females for generations, and most of the time they come away from these encounters looking like someone stuck their tails into an electric socket.”


“Colin : “Perhaps now is the time to tell you that I have a weakness for agreeable women.”Sugar Beth : “Well, that sure does leave me out.”Colin : “Exactly. With agreeable women, I’m unendingly considerate. Gallant even.”Sugar Beth : “But with tarts like me, the gloves are off, is that it?”Colin : “I wouldn’t exactly call you a tart. But then, I tend to be broad-minded.”She suppressed the urge to dump her porridge in his lap.”


“Yeah, well, wish in one hand, crap in the other, and see which fills up first”


“My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking.”


“Wait,” he said, pulling me to a stop when I tried to march off toward my destiny. “Is there something you want to tell me?” I looked at him, trying to think of anything I’d done recently that I needed to admit to. When nothing came to mind other than the usual, I shook my head. “Not really. Why?” He reached out and touched my leather jacket. “Is that a bullet hole?” Freaking great.”


“A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.”


“A man's plumbing is like his mind: simple, very few surprises. You ladies, on the other hand...well, God put a lot of thought in making you.”


“By the light," he said, when he had mastered himself. "I think that beats singing a lullaby to a stormdog for simplicity and economy, Maerad. But I wish I had known that you simply had to blow at Hulls to get rid of them. It would have saved me a few scars.”


“Austin and I proceeded to knock back a couple of Ketel One and grapefruit juices, which happened to be my drink of the moment. Someone told me that grapefruit was a great detoxifier and I decided I wanted to start cleaning out my liver WHILE I was having a cocktail.”


“Listen, Harr,y can I have a go on it? Can I?""I don't think anyone should ride that broom just yet!" said Hermoine shrilly.Harry and Ron looked at her."What d'you think Harry's going to do with it - sweep the floor?" said Ron.”


“She turns to us, acts surprised to see us, then does the bit with the back of the hand to the forehead. "You're lost!" "You're angry!" "You're in the wrong school!" "You're in the wrong country!" "You're on the wrong planet!”


“Matt would stare at Andrew for 10 minutes. It's depressing that people are different. Everyone should be one person, who should then kill itself in hand-to-hand combat.”


“I normally don't do requests. Unless, of course, I have been asked to do so.”


“Do you ever take a holiday? Like, do any of you just wake up and think ‘Today feels like a pyjama day.’? or is it always, ‘Today is a good day for murdering and stalking.’?”


“Dammit Bard, you're going to set the cat on fire.”


“Took me a while to get to the point today, but that is because I did not know what the point was when I started.”


“[Clover] secretly hitched a ride with a nice German couple and their new baby...Clover appeared to the baby, so as to be a delightful, soothing surprise. Well, the child did like Clover. In fact, she held him and cooed. When the parents turned around to look at her and saw their child holding a furry, living creature, they needlessly panicked.”


“He’d done it like he did everything else—with passion and total disregard for how much it might embarrass her.”


“Naturally the villagers blamed bears. No one had ever seen a bear in Gavaldon, but this made them more determined to find one. Four years later, when two more children vanished, the villagers admitted they should have been more specific and declared black bears the culprit, bears so black they blended with the night. But when children continued to disappear every four years, the village shifted their attention to burrowing bears, then phantom bears, then bears in disguise. . . Until it became clear it wasn't it wasn't bears at all.”


“Sorry, Bex," Jason said "You don't have the recognizable facial characteristics - such as a huge chin, or a large amount of real estate between the eyes - that would merit the bestowing of a criminal mastermind nickname such as Lockjaw or Walleye. Whereas Crazytop here...well, just look at her." "Atleast I can blow-dry my hair straight," I pointed out. "Which is more than what I can say for your nose, Hawkface.”


“A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it.”


“Hey, Ethan.""Yeah?""Remember the Twinkie on the bus? The one I gave you in second grade, the day we met?""The one you found on the floor and gave me without telling me? Nice."He grinned and shot the ball. "It never really fell on the floor. I made that part up.”


“You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him participate in synchronized diving.”


“Jesus girls! Wake up! If a guy wants to drain you of your energy, emotions, and life force he won’t sparkle in the sunshine, he’ll just marry you.”


“It's especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”


“Lovers do things together! They rent videos, they ride Ferris wheels, they go out for pizza, they play Scrabble. They . . . they talk!''Talk?' He lifted his head and frowned, his eyes puzzled. 'We talk all the time, Raine. I've never had such talkative sex.''That's just it!' She wiggled, flailed, but couldn't budge him. 'Two minutes alone with you, and I'm flat on my back. Every single time!'A slow, knowing grin spread over his face. 'Is this your way of telling me you want to be on top?”


“I love the sound of it," Trina whispers, as if speaking too loudly might interrupt the drumming patter of the rain outside. "It makes me want to sleep. Snuggle my head right up in your armpit and snore for three days.""My armpit?" Mark repeats. "Good thing we all showered up in the storm this morning. My pits smell like roses. Go ahead and get comfy.”