Rick: Anyway, that's how I escaped from space prison! Oh, scary place.
Morty: Wow, Rick! That's - That's one - one heck of a story. I sure do wish I could have been there to see it happen.
Rick: Oh, come on. Who wants to watch a mad scientist use handmade sci-fi tools to take out highly trained alien guards when we can sit here and be a family at Shoney's?
Beth: Dad, it's great to have you back, no matter where we are, but wouldn't you like to go home?
Rick: Emotionally speaking, honey, Shoney's is my home.
Jerry: Yeah, but you just got out of prison. I mean, how much of a step up from that is -
Rick: Jerry, get out of the booth, take all your clothes off, and fold yourself 12 times.
Jerry: You got it.
Rick: Six folds, huh? W-W-What, have you guys got me in a Series 9000? You cheap insect fucks didn't think I was worth your best equipment?
Cornvelious Daniel: Man, I told the money bugs. I said, "You know who this guy is, right? You want me to get intel out of the smartest mammal in the galaxy, you better give me a decent brainalyzer.
Rick: Well, you might as well order some pancakes, because I don't see the need to leave this part of my brain.
Cornvelious Daniel: Oh, I think you do. Eventually, you're either gonna relax your cerebellum.
Rick: Shoney's.
Cornvelious Daniel: Or the Series 9000 is going to turn it into mush.
Rick: Relaxed enough?
Cornvelious Daniel: I admire you, Rick-
Cornvelious Daniel: When I-
Cornvelious Daniel: Rick, here's-
Jerry: I tell ya, the Galactic Federation taking over Earth - best thing that's ever happened to this family. I just got my sixth promotion this week, and I still don't know what I do.
Summer: Who cares how high they promote you? Everyone just gets paid in pills.
Jerry: Well, when you're not sure what you do for a living, you can make your own rules.
Beth: Summer, show your father some respect. He's pulling down a six-chewable figure income.
Morty: I kind of had big pills for lunch, and I wasn't gonna eat any more pills. Thank you, Conroy.
Jerry: You spoil us, Conroy.
Summer: Grandpa Rick wouldn't put up with this!
Beth: Stop saying his name! He abandoned us.
Jerry: Willem Dafoe! Th-That's the guy I couldn't think of this morning.
Beth: Don't make my mistake, Summer. Don't deify the people that leave you. You'll end up a horse surgeon in a world controlled by aliens whose medicine keeps horses healthy forever. Horses live longer than tortoises now. Is that what you want for yourself?
Summer: Maybe I just want you to care if I run away yelling!
Jerry: Ooh!
Rick: Oh, any particular ones? You want to see my first boner, or should we go straight to the moment I discovered interdimensional travel?
Rick: ' Ooh, your little flappy doodles are twitching. Does that mean you're aroused, or did you just get a signal that one of your buddies found a grape?
Cornvelious Daniel: It's arousal. Yes, I'd like very much to visit the memory of you inventing your portal gun.
Rick: Yeah, well, tough titties.
Rick: Well, that depends on who breaks first - me or the titty.
Cornvelious Daniel: Someone special you remember? Is that your memory of her out there - between where you were on 9/11 and your favorite sports blooper?
Cornvelious Daniel: If we stay here, you'll die, along with all your memories. If you take me where I want to go she'll be there, too, won't she?
Rick: The day I invented the portal gun is the day I lost her.
Cornvelious Daniel: Oh, that sounds cool. I can get what I want and you can say goodbye.
Rick: Fine, but I'm driving.
Morty: Huh? What are you - What are you doing?
Summer: Grandpa Rick must have some secret lab, right? With, like, laser guns and jets packs and a space tank! And we can go break him out of prison! Look at these dead flies! Maybe if we arrange them in a certain order, it plays a hologram or it opens a secret door.
Morty: Summer, you're freaking me out. I know things have changed a lot, and I know you miss Rick, but getting him back wouldn't make things better. And, you know, we're not doing so bad.
Summer: We're miserable, Morty! There's a mandatory curfew, their weird calendar made me 47, and they weaponized the Eiffel Tower!
Morty: Hey, I like being 35. I-I can rent a car now.
Summer: Because you suck! You've been keeping your lip zipped about it since Grandpa got arrested, but the fact is, you're freaking stoked to bail on him.
Morty: He bails on everybody! He bailed on Mom when she was a kid! He - He bailed on tiny planet! And in case I never made this clear to you, Summer, he bailed on you. He left you to rot in a world that he ruined because he doesn't care! Because nobody's special to him, Summer, not even himself. So, if you really want your grandpa back, grab a shovel. The one that won't let you down is buried in your backyard!
Summer: You're right!
Morty: What?! No, I'm not right. I-I was using ghoulish overkill! Ghoulish overkill, Summer!
Morty: Oh, God! Oh, God! Whoa, whoa!
Cornvelious Daniel: Where are we going?
Rick: To the day it all began and ended. The moment that changed everything.
Rick: Yeah, I'd like to get a 10-piece McNugget and a bunch of the Szechuan sauce. Like, as much as you're allowed to give me. In 1998, they had this promotion for the Disney film "Mulan," where they - where they - they created a new sauce for the McNuggets called Szechuan sauce, and it's delicious! And then they got rid of it, and now it's gone. This is the only place we're gonna be able to try it, is in my memory.
Cornvelious Daniel: Rick, you're doing this bit while your brain is melting.
Rick: Okay. All right, all right.
Cornvelious Daniel: Is that-
Rick: Me. I used to wear blue pants.
Cornvelious Daniel: When'd you make the leap to interdimensional travel?
Rick: I didn't. I did.
Young Rick: What?
Morty: Summer, nobody has to know about that. We could put it right back and pretend we never saw it, like we did with Dad's mannequin leg.
Summer: Fine, stay here. I'll rescue Grandpa myself.
Morty: And how are you gonna do that?
Summer: I don't know yet. I'll make it up as I go. That's what Grandpa Rick does. That's what heroes do.
Morty: Y-You want to see what a hero Rick is? I-I'll bring you somewhere, Summer. Um-
Summer: What is this place? And what's with "Hunger Games" Summer?
Morty: That's my sister. This used to be my home.
Young Rick: Sounds lonely.
Young Rick: Eh, pass.
Young Rick: A different kind of Rick, I guess.
Young Rick: Sort of. I just took a long look at myself, and I don't think this science thing is gonna pay off.
Young Rick: That, Dianne, is the last great idea that will ever be had in this garage.
Summer: Good roasted Cronenberg, I assume. Mom, you're looking feral. I can't believe Rick did this.
Morty: These are the parts of Rick's adventures you don't get to see - the parts he leaves behind. All right, it's been great, guys. I really only wanted to stop by here for a quick "I told ya so." So, uh-
Morty: What are you doing with that?!
Morty: No! Why?! Why would you do that?! W-W-What is the matter with you people?!
Morty: Hold your fire! Hold your fire! I'm Morty C-137.
Summer: He's in prison.
Morty: Summer.
Summer: He got captured by the Federation and we were going to rescue him.
Summer: Boo-yah!
Summer: Boo-nah?
Young Rick: Come on, girls! The ice cream's gonna melt.
Young Rick: Nooooooo!
Cornvelious Daniel: Wow. This sauce is fucking amazing. You said it was promoting a movie?
Young Rick: Carry the three, add a two. I got it. I fucking got it.
Cornvelious Daniel: Whoa. I-Is that it, the portal gun?
Rick: Yeah. That's the three lines of math that separates my life as a man from my life as an unfeeling ghost.
Cornvelious Daniel: Awesome-possum. Mission Control, you getting this?
Cornvelious Daniel: Yeah! Thanks, Rick. I'll try to remember to shut off the brainalyzer. Actually, I think it shuts off automatically once your brain is liquid. Don't know, don't care. Pull me out. Hey, pull me out! Can you hear me?
Rick: Nope, they cannot.
Cornvelious Daniel: Why not?
Rick: Because the code you just uploaded wasn't actually my portal-gun formula, it was a virus giving me full control over the brainalyzer.
Cornvelious Daniel: What are you talking about? This is a memory. Y-You can't alter details of a memory.
Rick: True, but you can alter anything you want about a totally fabricated origin story.
Cornvelious Daniel: It's a trap! Abort! I'm still in his Shoney's! Repeat - we never left his Shoney's!
Rick: Mission accomplished, boys. Pull me out.
Rick: Okay, have fun in what's left of my brain. I'm gonna transfer to yours. Oh, there's not enough room for all my genius, so I'm leaving you with my fear of wicker furniture, my desire to play the trumpet, my tentative plans to purchase a hat, and six years of improv workshops. Comedy comes in threes.
Cornvelious Daniel: It's a trap! Abort! We never left his - No!
Summer: A city of Grandpas?
Morty: It's the Citadel of Ricks. All the different Ricks from all the different realities got together to hide here from the government.
Summer: But if every Rick hates the government, why would they hate Grandpa?
Morty: Because Ricks hate themselves the most. And our Rick is the most himself.
Riq IV: Operating an unregistered portal gun, radicalizing a Summer, conspiring with a traitorous Rick. How do you plead?
Morty: How is this a fair trial? O-Our lawyer is a Morty.
Riq IV: It's not fair, you have no rights, and he's not a lawyer. We just keep him here because he's fun. Look at him go.
Riq IV: We'll be lenient if you renounce your Rick. What say you, Summer?
Summer: I say fuck you! My grandpa was my hero. You killed him because you were jealous of him. That's pretty obvious from the haircuts. So do what you want to me, but let my brother go. He already renounced Rick.
Riq IV: Morty?
Morty: What? N-No, I don't want to see your Pog collection. I don't renounce Rick, and I never have. I was just trying to protect my sister. I wanted you to have a normal life. That's something you can't have when Rick shows up. Everything real turns fake. Everything right is wrong. All you know is that you know nothing and he knows everything. And, well - well, he's not a villain, Summer, but he shouldn't be your hero. He's more like a demon or a super fucked up god.
Riq IV: Let's not suck the ghost of his dick too hard. He was a terrorist, and now he's dead.
Morty: Oh, yeah? If you think my Rick's dead, he's alive. And if you think you're safe, he's coming for you!
Riq IV: All right, calm down! We have his Summer as a hostage. Obviously, I get her. You guys play Rick, Laser, Scissors for the Morty.
Summer: Grandpa Rick!
Rick: Duh!
Summer: You're alive!
Morty: Rick!
Rick: Morty, take this. You're gonna need it later.
Riq IV: That's enough, Rick.
Rick: What - What's this supposed to accomplish? We have infinite grandkids. You're trying to use Disney bucks at a Caesar's Palace here.
Summer: That's a bluff. He's bluffing, sir. He loves me.
Riq IV: You're a rogue Rick - irrational, passionate. You love your grandkids. You came to rescue them.
Rick: I came to kill you, bro. That's not even my original Summer.
Summer: Oh, my God. He's not bluffing. He's not bluffing!
Morty: R-Rick?
Riq IV: Why not shoot through her?
Rick: 20 yards, nine-gauge plasma pistol, My first shot would liquify her insides and injure you, second shot adds recoil. The risk to me is minimized if I wait for you to shoot her, which I'm encouraging you to do.
Summer: What the fuck?
Rick: Or let her go, which I will reward with a quicker death.
Riq IV: Because you love her!
Rick: Because it's incentive for you to give me my cleanest shot, which will be your least painful death. But if you want to die slower than that, I'm super into it. All you got to do to get that started is kill the girl.
Summer: I hate you!
Rick: Not an issue, sweetie.
Morty: That's enough! Drop the gun, Rick!
Rick: Morty, I know you're too stupid to get this, but you're really fuckin' this up right now.
Morty: I'm not letting you let my sister die! Drop the gun!
Rick: I wasn't gonna let her die, you fuckin' moron!
Riq IV: Ha!
Summer: Aww.
Rick: The point is he thought I was going to.
Riq IV: I totally did, by the way. You're a fucking moron, Morty.
Summer: Morty, you fucking idiot!
Rick: You're a serious fuckin' idiot, Morty! You basically killed us all! You're the worst! You're as dumb as a bag of sand.
Morty: Who's stupid now, bitch?!
Summer: Morty, we just got him back!
Riq IV: That was amazing, Morty. Oh, my God. Wow. Okay, let's wrap this-
Rick: Good job, Morty. Let's go, kids.
Summer: What?! What happened?
Rick: Oldest Rick trick in the book.
Summer: "Fake gun, shoot me in standoff." Brilliant.
Morty: Ha, yeah. G-Good thing I saw that note.
Summer: Can't we just portal home?
Rick: Not until I finish what I started. And that is how you get level-nine access without a password.
Rick: Employee of the month, ladies and gentlemen.
Morty: So, what are you doing with level-nine access anyways?
Rick: Destroying the galactic government.
Summer: Are you going to set all their nukes to target each other?
Morty: Ooh, or - or reprogram their military portals to disintegrate their entire space fleet?
Rick: Good pitches, kids. I'm almost proud. But watch closely as Grandpa topples an empire by changing a one to a zero.
Mr. Goldenfold: No longer will the insects have domain over surface world!
Beth: Jerry, what the hell is happening?!
Jerry: The galactic government collapsed.
Beth: Are you okay?
Jerry: Look, I-I'm not proud to share this, but the truth is, I just kept crawling, and it kept working. Oh, I'm glad you're okay. Are we ever going to stop paying for indulging your father? Our children, our planet, our jobs? Is there anything left to lose?
Beth: Just each other, and I'll never let you go. And I'm so sorry I ever did this to us.
Rick: Guess who dismantled the government?
Beth: Please don't leave me again.
Rick: I never will, baby.
Summer: I was right. He turned himself in on purpose. It was all part of his plan!
Rick: Jerry, is there any light beer left? It's insane what you miss in prison.
Jerry: Um..okay. No. No, no, no. Foot down time.
Rick: No, you're right. Where's the vodka?
Jerry: Beth, it's him or me!
Rick: Seems like you guys need some privacy. I'll, uh - I'll be in the garage.
Rick: What the fuck? Not cool, Jerry! A man's garage is his castle.
Beth: Jerry's going to spend some time divorced.
Rick: Oh, I-I'm sorry to hear that, sweetie. I hope I had nothing to do with that.
Beth: Oh, God, Dad, that is not your burden to bear. I feel terrible that I misjudged you. This is gonna be good for Jerry.
Rick: For everybody.
Beth: For everybody.
Beth: I better tend to Jerry before he changes his mind and doesn't move out. I will leave you two to your adventures.
Summer: Oh, my God. Nancy says they're drawing and quartering aliens in the school courtyard, and it technically counts as patriotism.
Morty: Geez! Are my parents seriously gonna get divorced? All right, Rick, I'm gonna go to my -
Rick: Not so fast, Morty. You heard your mom. We've got adventures to go on, Morty - just you and me - and sometimes your sister and sometimes your mom, but never your dad. You want to know why, Morty? Because he crossed me.
Morty: Okay, take it easy, Rick. T-T-That's dark.
Rick: Oh, it gets darker, Morty. Welcome to the darkest year of our adventures. First thing that's different - no more Dad, Morty.
Morty: Oh, geez.
Rick: He threatened to turn me in to the government, so I made him and the government go away.
Morty: Oh, fuck.
Rick: I've replaced them both as the de facto patriarch of your family and your universe. Your mom wouldn't have accepted me if I came home -
Morty: Oh, man.
Rick: - without you and your sister, so now you know the real reason I rescued you. Oh! I just took over the family, Morty, and if you tell your mom -
Morty: Oh, man.
Rick: - or sister I said any of this, I'll deny it -
Morty: You're gonna deny it.
Rick: - and they'll take my side because I'm a hero, Morty. And now you're gonna have to go -
Morty: Oh.
Rick: - and do whatever I say, Morty, forever! And I'll - I'll go out and I'll find some more of that "Mulan" Szechuan teriyaki dipping sauce, Morty. -
Morty: What are you talking about?
Rick: - Because that's - that's what this is all about, Morty.
Morty: Szechuan?
Rick: That's my one-armed man! I'm not driven by avenging my dead family, Morty! That was fake. I-I-I'm driven by finding that McNugget sauce.
Morty: McNuggets?
Rick: I want that "Mulan" McNugget sauce, Morty! That's my series arc, Morty.
Morty: What the hell?
Rick: If it takes nine seasons, I want my McNugget dipping sauce, Szechuan sauce, Morty.
Morty: What are you talking about, Rick?
Rick: That's what's gonna take us all the way to the end, Morty.
Morty: What are you talking about?!
Rick: Season - Nine more seasons, Morty. Nine more seasons until I get that dipping Szechuan sauce.
Morty: What is that?!
Rick: For 97 more years, Morty!
Morty: What are you talking about?!
Rick: I want that McNugget sauce, Morty!
Birdperson: I am Phoenixperson.


Pickle Rick: Morty.
Morty: Rick?
Pickle Rick: Morty!
Morty: Rick?
Pickle Rick: Hey, Mooorty!
Morty: Rick? Are you far away, or are you inside something?
Pickle Rick: Morty, the garage, Morty. Come to the garage!
Pickle Rick: Morty?
Morty: Rick? W-where are you?
Pickle Rick: On my work bench, Morty.
Morty: Are you invisible and you're gonna, like, fart on me?
Pickle Rick: Flip the pickle over.
Morty: What, I'm gonna touch it, and you're gonna tell me it's an alien dick or something.
Pickle Rick: Come on, flip the pickle, Morty. You're not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge.
Morty: And?
Pickle Rick: "And"? What more do you want tacked on to this? I turned myself into a pickle, and 9/11 was an inside job?
Morty: Was it?
Pickle Rick: Who cares, Morty? Global acts of terrorism happen every day. Uh, here's something that's never happened before
Morty: Are you going to, I mean, you know, is this the first part of some magic trick?
Pickle Rick: I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner.
Morty: Well, can you move? Can you fly?
Pickle Rick: I wouldn't be much of a pickle if I could.
Morty: All right, well, do pickles live forever or -
Pickle Rick: Morty, stop digging for hidden layers and just be impressed. I'm a pickle.
Morty: I-I'm just trying to figure out why you would do this. Why anyone would do this.
Pickle Rick: The reason anyone would do this is, if they could, which they can't, would be because they could, which they can't.
Beth: Morty, we have to get going, or we're gonna be late. Where's your grandpa?
Pickle Rick: Right here, sweetie. I'm a pickle!
Beth: What?! Why would you - Look, we're running late. We have to go.
Pickle Rick: Where are you guys going?
Beth: We have an appointment downtown that was set a week ago and agreed upon by everyone, including you.
Pickle Rick: Oh, my God. Beth, oh, it totally slipped my mind. Geez, oh, man. I'm a pickle. I mean, I don't know if I can, ooh, geez.
Morty: Rick, did you do this on purpose to get out of family counseling?
Beth: Morty!
Pickle Rick: It's okay, Beth. I understand Morty's suspicion. I've misled him before. Morty, turn me so we're making eye contact.Morty, I assure you, I would never "find a way" to "get out of" family therapy. I hope my lack of fingers doesn't prevent the perception of my air quotes.
Summer: Can't you just turn yourself back into a human?
Pickle Rick: Great question, Summer. The unfortunate answer is I did this to challenge myself. And it could take hours or even days before I'm able to figure out how to return to human form. But, I mean, you know, your mom could put me in a purse or a pocket, you know, if she really needs me to go.
Beth: Nobody needs anything! Okay, it's fine. I mean, you should just stay here and figure out how to stop being a pickle, okay?
Morty: Hey, Rick, why is there a syringe of mysterious fluid hanging directly over you? Also, why is the string attached to it running through a pair of scissors attached to a timer? And why is the time set to 10 minutes from now, exactly when we would have left for therapy?
Pickle Rick: Well, Morty, if you know must know, the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion, and, therefore, it does not warrant further explanation.
Beth: Enough. Kids, it's time to go. We don't want to be late.
Pickle Rick: W-w-what are you doing there, Beth? What are you doing there, sweetie?
Beth: Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle full of liquid unrelated to your situation. How's that gonna help?
Pickle Rick: Can't argue with that.
Beth: Great. We'll see you later.
Pickle Rick: Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. Oh, great. Stupid cat.
Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle!
Pickle Rick: Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Pickle Rick: Oh, crap, that sun is bright.
Pickle Rick: Okay, come on. This can't really be the way I go out. This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet.
Pickle Rick: So... hot. This is how I'm gonna die.
Pickle Rick: Oh, God, moisture.
Pickle Rick: Oh, God, the moisture! Dial it back, God! Dial it back a little bit here!
Pickle Rick: Oh! Oh!
Pickle Rick: Oh, God! Perpendicular, perpendicular!
Pickle Rick: Oh, shiiit! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Pickle Rick: Come on. That's it.
Pickle Rick: Come get this delicious brine.
Pickle Rick: Aah! Come on! Come on, motherfucker! Come on!
Pickle Rick: Yes!
Summer: How is this even family therapy if Dad's not invited and Grandpa won't come?
Morty: Yeah, and what's courageous about eating a hot dog?
Beth: It's nobody's choice to be here, you knobs. The family was told to get counseling by your principal, even though it's not the family that was huffing pottery glaze in the art room and desk wetting in history class.
Mr. Goldenfold: Oh, the Smith family, minus a dad. You're patients of Dr. Wong, too?
Beth: Temporarily. By order of the school.
Mr. Goldenfold: Me too. How long have you all been eating poop?
Summer: We... have never... eaten poop.
Mr. Goldenfold: Uh, me, neither. Say, where did my family get off to?
Dr. Wong: Smith family, I'm Dr. Wong. Come on in.
Dr. Wong: I was told there was a grandpa that might be joining us?
Beth: He got wrapped up in an experiment. He's a scientist. Like, legit, like on an inter-galactic, sci-fi level. His work is very -
Morty: He turned himself into a pickle.
Beth: Morty, Mom's talking. I'm sorry, I suppose that's a good segue into our little discipline cases here.
Dr. Wong: Does Grandpa turn himself into a pickle a lot?
Beth: What? No, what kind of question is that?
Dr. Wong: The kind that wasn't designed to attack or hurt you in any way.
Beth: Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these. No, my father has never turned himself into a pickle before. He's unpredictable and eccentric. The whole family is. Speaking of which...
Dr. Wong: Okay, let's open things up to the whole family, and let me ask this. Why do we think Grandpa turned himself into a pickle?
Pickle Rick: Wow. Ugh.
Beth: I didn't say my father is perfect, I said his work is important.
Summer: And she's saying what's important is that Grandpa lied to you to get out of coming here.
Beth: Oh, he did not!
Dr. Wong: Let's do an experiment here. I get the impression this family values science. So raise your hand if you feel certain you know what was in the syringe.
Beth: Do you really not see what's happening here?
Dr. Wong: Tell me.
Beth: Well, Dr. Wong - by the way, racist name - obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run around what was supposed to be their therapy.
Dr. Wong: Oh, I think this pickle incident is a better path than any other to the heart of your family's dysfunction. I think it's possible that you and your father have a very specific dynamic. I don't think it's one that rewards emotion or vulnerability. I think it may punish them. I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage, and is infecting your kids with a tendency to misdirect their feelings.
Beth: Fuck you.
Beth: Fuck both of you, too.
Pickle Rick: By the way, you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features, I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. That's because, to me, you aren't special.
Pickle Rick: God damn it, I love myself.
Pickle Rick: Pickle Riiick!
Pickle Rick: Get that parkour. Get that parkour!
Pickle Rick: Hey, it's cool. Just need to find the nearest exit.
Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa! No need to freak out.
Pickle Rick: Whoa! Who in the fuck's toilet is this?
Agency Director: What is it?
Agency Director: Where is it?
Agency Director: We have 34 armed guards, and we can't kill a pickle?
Agency Director: Put him on, and locate the phone he's using.
Pickle Rick: Hi, um, can you, uh please let me out.
Agency Director: Your mere presence in this building violates international law.
Pickle Rick: You should know those men killed themselves.
Agency Director: And how is that?
Pickle Rick: They didn't let me out.
Agency Director: Shut your mouth and do your jobs, you fucking children!
Pickle Rick: Uh, is this not a good time or...?
Agency Director: Some of my men are calling you "Solen'ya"
Pickle Rick: That'd be a lucky break for you.
Agency Director: Ah.
Pickle Rick: ...because this pickle doesn't care about your children. And I'm not gonna take their dreams. I'm gonna take their parents.
Agency Director: He's just a pickle!
Agency Director: He's not the only one.
Agency Director: Then Katarina is a prisoner. Perhaps I could arrange her escape, as well. She lives, Jaguar.
Dr. Wong: What do you think is in the syringe, Beth?
Beth: You're the one that costs $200 an hour. You tell me.
Dr. Wong: Your kids think it might be anti-pickle serum.
Beth: My kids pee their desks and suck on unbaked vases.
Summer: I never said I was angry at you.
Beth: That's the point of pottery-enamel huffing, Summer. You do it so you don't have to say "I'm angry at mommy" out loud.
Morty: Oh, my God!
Dr. Wong: It's not my job to take sides or pass judgment. Do you think when your father asks for that syringe, you could ask him -
Beth: He won't have to ask for it, okay? He won't need it. He'll just make more. He doesn't need anything from anyone.
Dr. Wong: You admire him for that.
Beth: It's better than making your problems other people's problems.
Pickle Rick: Oh, come on!
Pickle Rick: You should know that isn't original.
Pickle Rick: There's nothing I won't do to see her again.
Pickle Rick: Yeah, there's lots I wouldn't do to see my daughter, but killing you gets me to her quicker than your derivative bullshit.
Pickle Rick: That will be your downfall, Jaguar, not being open to new experiences.
Pickle Rick: Jaguar couldn't make it.
Agency Director: Do it. Okay, you win, Pickle Man. I'm unsealing the building.
Pickle Rick: No, thanks. I'm coming for you now.
Agency Director: Pickle Man, there's $100 million worth of bonds in a safe on level two. I'll give you the combination.
Agency Director: Shut up and call me a helicopter, you prick! Do we have a deal?!
Pickle Rick: Take that money, give it to Jaguar's daughter when you set her free. Or I'll be visiting you.
Agency Director: Jaguar's daughter is dead.
Pickle Rick: Huh, so you're a liar.
Agency Director: Jaguar was an animal. You're an intelligent pickle. We can do business.
Pickle Rick: I don't think so. See you soon.
Agency Director: Is the helicopter here?
Agency Director: Tell them we were robbed.
Agency Director: Farewell, Solen'ya.
Pickle Rick: Well, my daughter is about five away, and I've got about eight to live.
Pickle Rick: Oh, well, uh, she knows. I mean, we don't really buy into that kind of crap, to the extent that love is an expression of familiarity over time, my access to infinite timelines precludes the necessity of attachment. In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters in an alternate version of earth that was taken over by mutants.
Pickle Rick: Huh? Uh, no. No, nope, sorry about that. Nope, just me. Yeesh!
Beth: I am afraid that my kids will get expelled.
Dr. Wong: Good. Summer, you go.
Summer: I am mad that I can't huff enamel without people assuming it's because my family sucks. I hope to be seen one day as someone that just likes getting high.
Dr. Wong: Good job. Morty, do you have an "I" statement?
Morty: I am sad that I peed. I'm sad that I peed in class instead of a toilet.
Dr. Wong: Look at this family go. You guys are pros. What do you guys think about doing this once a week?
Pickle Rick: Ugh.
Dr. Wong: You must be Rick.
Pickle Rick: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Wong: I've heard a lot about you today. Your family is crazy about you. Your daughter holds you in very high regard. You're a lucky fella.
Pickle Rick: Yeah, thank you. Uh, sweetie, you don't still happen to have that syringe in your purse?
Beth: Dad I would like you to tell me what's in the syringe.
Pickle Rick: It's a serum that I need to, uh, to stay alive. I have had a rough day. And, uh, I've sustained a lot of damage. I'm pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent.
Dr. Wong: By changing you from a pickle to a human.
Pickle Rick: Yes.
Dr. Wong: Rick, why did you lie to your daughter?
Pickle Rick: So I wouldn't have to come here.
Dr. Wong: Why didn't you want to come here?
Pickle Rick: Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle. When I feel like it. So...you asked.
Dr. Wong: Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. And I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control. You chose to come here, you chose to talk -to belittle my vocation- just as you chose to become a pickle. You are the master of your universe, and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces. Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some pee well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose.
Pickle Rick: I, um I'm sorry I lied to get out of the thing. I, I shouldn't lie to you.
Beth: Oh, it's fine. I mean, thank you, and, yeah, you shouldn't. But I hope you know that's not what that session was supposed to be.
Pickle Rick: Oh, no, I mean, I know it was Morty peeing his pants and Summer snorting glue or whatever...
Beth: She huffed enamel, and we never even talked about it.
Pickle Rick: Well, there was so much more at stake. I mean, that shrink, what a monologuist.
Summer: Are we gonna go back?
Pickle Rick: Sweetie, could I get Get that syringe now?
Beth: Oh, my God, yes! Dad, it's in my purse. Oh, I'm sorry. You must be in agony.
Pickle Rick: Eh.
Pickle Rick: Jesus. Jesus Christ. Therapists, man.
Beth: Weird breed.
Rick: Man, I missed having hands and blood and a stomach.
Beth: Really? Like, go somewhere? Yeah, let's drop the kids off and go tie one on.
Rick: Absolutely.
Morty: I, I liked her.
Beth: So what are you thinking, like, Smokey's Tavern? Maybe Shoney's?
Rick: Yeah, either one. Either one.
Rick: You'll never get away with this, Concerto.
Rick: This is it, Morty. We're goners. We're not getting out of this one. After everything we've been through, this is how we're gonna die. Make peace with your god.
Morty: Oh, geez, Rick, I-I-I don't want to die!
Rick: Jaguar!
Morty: Who? Who was that, Rick?
Rick: That, Morty, is why you don't go to therapy.


Rick: Don't let any of those things get away, Morty. If their DNA gets into Earth's food chain, our entire species could be sterilized.
Morty: Then why aren't we killing them?!
Rick: Great. Next time I need a species sterilized, who's gonna do it for me? You?
Morty: Oh, Rick! I-Is that the Vindibeacon? We're being called to assemble by the Vindicators!
Rick: I refuse to answer a literal call to adventure, Morty. Let it go to voicemail!
Morty: Rick, the Vindicators only call when the universe itself is at stake! They're first line of defense against evil! They're the guardians of the unguarded!
Rick: They're the writers of their own press releases, Morty! They're a bunch of drama queens that spend an hour talking and twenty minutes jumping around while shit blows up. They're a phase. We did one, it was the big event of that summer. Let it die.
Morty: I, Morty Smith, invoke my right to choose one in every ten Rick and Morty adventures. Read 'em and weep.
Rick: God... fuckin' dammit! Fine! But don't say I didn't warn you.
Morty: Yes! Vindicator command ship, beacon received! We're doing Vindicators Twoooooooooo!
Rick: Whoops! Uh, Morty, you might want to freeze some sperm.
Supernova: Vindicators, Worldender is back...
Supernova: ..and this time, he's out to end more than worlds. We have reason to believe his stronghold is located on...
Rick: My balls.
Morty: Rick!
Supernova: ...the Terraneus system. Once in range, Million Ants will scan for pheromone activity, which should lead us to the location of the base.
Rick: Oh, that's Million Ants. I can't see the ants over here. It just assumed that was, uh, Turd Man. Wiggly Turd Man.
Morty: Rick, stop!
Supernova: Rick, you have something to add to the briefing?
Rick: Uh, yeah, just a few more design notes. Um, this guy. The, uh... The, uh...
Rick: Right, Crocubot. So, you're half-cold, unfeeling reptile, half-also cold, equally-unfeeling machine.
Rick: So, you're origin is what? Y-You fell into a vat of redundancy?
Supernova: Noob-Noob, we're having a briefing! If I can continue, Rick. I anticipate sophisticated security measures. I trust you can be of service there.
Rick: Well, let me check my list of powers and weaknesses. Ability to do anything... But only whenever I want... Yeah, that sounds like a job for me.
Alan: I wish he had the ability to check is attitude.
Rick: Alan Rails, ladies and gentleman. After his parents' tragic death in a railroad accident, he gained the power to summon ghiost trains. It's not all bad, though. They were spared having to see their grown son wear a whistle!
Rick: Thanks, Noob-Noob! This guy gets it.
Morty: Vance Maximus, Renegade Star Soldier!
Vance: Sorry I'm late. It was happy hour.
Morty: Happy hour.
Rick: Uh, I was also late because of my drinking and metioned it to zero applause.
Vance: Rick Sanchez, Tinkerer of Terror. Man, that's hard to say. And... Morty, right?
Morty: Whoa, yeah!
Vance: I never forget a kid. What do you say, Vindicators? Let's make this three for three?
Morty: Did he say "three for three"?
Rick: Did he say he never forgets a kid?
Morty: You mean "two for two", right, Vance?
Supernova: Actually, we assembled a second time last summer to fight Doomnomitron.
Morty: So, this is... Vindicators 3? And you guys did Vindicators 2... w-without us?
Million Ants: I sense... insecurity.
Vance: Are you sure there's not just a picnic nearby.
Rick: I guess he found his crowd. Pretty toothless stuff, guys.
Rick: I hope you're happy with the adventure so far, Morty. These guys are even lamer than last time.
Morty: We weren't here "last time", remember? They did a whole Vindicators without us. A bunch of them got killed, too. They lost Lady Katana, Calypso, Diablo Verde...
Rick: Yikes. Yeah, things did feel less diverse in there.
Morty: This article says the reason we weren't involved was... "personality conflicts".
Rick: Don't worry, Morty, they love you. Superheroes need a wide-eyed unremarkable to tag along and react to everything like it's mind-blowing.
Morty: I... think the personality conflict might have been... you.
Rick: Jesus... How awesome is that? I mean, they wanted to not need me so bad, they murdered three innocent heroes of color, and they still had to bring me back?
Morty: Rick, since it's my adventure and all, could you do me a favor?
Rick: Uh, the adventure is the favor, Morty. Me sleeping on these linens is the favor. I mean, w-w-w-what-what are we vindicating? Comfort?
Morty: Rick, this really bums me out. It-It's embarrassing to find out these guys don't like us.
Rick: Why? Morty, I defeat gagoos more powerful than these guys every week.
Morty: Yeah, but not heroes.
Rick: Oh, please. They just call themselves heroes so they can...
Morty: I'm calling them that, Rick! They're my heroes! Mine!
Rick: Huh... no accounting for taste. I'm gonna go get a drink.
Morty: Oh, God.
Supernova: Good morning. Looks like your grandpa had a long night. Crocubot, why don't you escort Mr. Sanchez to a more comfortable spot so that someone can... clean up his diarrhea.
Supernova: Actually, Noob-Noob, you have a new mission.
Supernova: Vindicators, prepare for arrival.
Vance: Morty, the Vindicators and I had a chat this morning and I'm afraid we need to make a little change.
Morty: I-I totally get it. I-I'm so sorry.
Vance: You should be. Running around in a yellow t-shirt like you're not one of us? Disgraceful.
Morty: I-I-I... I'm not a superhero.
Vance: Cop a squat, chief. Everyone in the universe is a hero. All you have to do is know the difference between good and bad, and root for good.
Morty: Rick says "good" and "bad" are artificial constructs.
Vance: Yeah, well, I get the feeling... he kind of needs that to be the case. Not coming, Noob-Noob?
Vance: Security drones, inbound.
Supernova: Star Mother, grant me your wrath!
Alan: All aboard!
Million Ants: Aah! Gun turret.
Supernova: Are you all right?
Million Ants: Yes. I only lost 400 ants. My queen is laying more. I am back to one million ants.
Supernova: Someone wake up Sanchez.
Rick: Ugh! Oh, Christ...
Supernova: Rick, you're up.
Rick: Barely.
Supernova: Rick, we're taking fire from an automated turret. Can you bring it offline?
Rick: Uh-huh.
Rick: Uh, my God, that's better.
Supernova: RICK!
Rick: Hey, I can't help if I can't see.
Alan: I could've just used a ghost train.
Rick: Really? You don't say. You would have used a ghost train? Hey, everybody, the ghost train guy would have used a ghost train!
Alan: Man, fuck you.
Rick: Is there coffee? Hey, Morty, can you be a pal? Grandpa left his coffee maker on the ship. Y-You know, the French press thing?
Morty: Get it yourself.
Rick: Little extra snippy this morning, aren't you?
Morty: Just focus on the mission, all right?
Rick: Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, you're right. Ooh, real serious. Gotta take it real serious, huh?
Alan: Son of a steam engine! They're all dead!
Vance: Well, he is the Worldender. The guy ends worlds. Kind of his thing.
Rick: Ooh, real scared. Real fucking on alert, high alwrt over here.
Vance: What the FUCK?!
Supernova: It's Worldender! What happened to him?
Million Ants: I sense his life force is fading.
Rick: Million Ants, ladies and gentleman! The ant colony with the power of two human eyes!
Rick: All right. Short mission, good mission. Remember when Alan wanted to use a ghost train? See you guys in Vindicators 4. Morty?
Morty: Rick, whoever did this is an even bigger threat than Worldender! We can't leave now!
Supernova: He's right. This is far from over.
Rick: Well, have fun with that. But Morty and I have to meet a comet girl, a monorail man, two assholes and a full alligator in, like, an hour.
Rick: Shit.
Million Ants: I sense the presence of a greater evil.
Drunk Rick: Check, check, One, two. Okay, is it recording? Good. Hello, Vindicators. Welcome to your reckoning, babyyyyyyyy!!
Rick: Welp, it's official. I had too much to drink last night.
Drunk Rick: If you guys are watching this, you're, you know, the Vindicators. So now that we know...
Vance: Rick? What's going on, buddy?
Rick: Obviously, I came here last night during a blackout.
Supernova: Obviously? You came here and defeated our arch-nemesis while so drunk, you don't remember doing it? That's something obvious to you?
Rick: Look, I'm a lit- little more complex than you guys and, no offense, but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours.
Drunk Rick: ...So I thought, why not just do your job for you so we can have a little fun game.
Morty: Rick, is-is this a "Saw" thing? Are you seriously "Saw"-ing the Vindicators?
Rick: Morty I'm a drunk, not a hack.
Drunk Rick: If you break the rules, lose the game or try to leave, you will die. Like in "Sawwww".
Rick: Well, I-I-I think we've seen enough. I'll just figure out how to unplug this.
Drunk Rick: Okay, here we go, room number one. The Vindicators are known throughout the galaxy, but do they know yourselves? Do you know yourselves? Match your... your shit, your... your gimmicks with your faces and y-you get it, it's a matching thing. And do it in three minutes, or you'll all die.
Vance: Screw this. I'm not playing his game. I'm gonna find us a way out of here.
Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, Vance. He said you'd die if you tried to leave. That means there's booby traps.
Vance: Why are you acting like that's not you?!
Rick: What part of "blackout" don't you understand? I thought you drank?
Vance: Like cool drinking! Like sexy drinking, not this psycho trailer-park shit!
Morty: Vance, stay calm...
Vance: Oh, so you're the leader now because we gave you a jacket?! You're the learning-disabled kid we do photo-ops with!
Morty: Okay, ouch, but...
Vance: Okay, this... this is triggering me. I need space. I-I need SPACE! FROM THIS!
Alan: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't crush your windpipe!
Rick: Because my epidermis is laced with a nanofiber defense mesh.
Rick: And because, like I said, I don't remember last night.
Alan: I told you not to invite this mummified motherfucker back!
Rick: Alan, I'm not proud of what's happening here, but if you keep coming at me, there's gonna be another passenger on that ghost train.
Morty: Guys! I've figured it out.
Drunk Rick: Congrats! You did it- it!
Morty: It was a bit. All of the descriptors apply to all of you. Drunk Rick's point is that none of you are very special or different. That's always his point.
Supernova: Let's just get through this as quickly as possible. Then, we'll deal with the two of you.
Morty: The two of us?! I hope you're proud of yourself!
Rick: Uh, I kind of am. I saved the goddamn universe.
Morty: That's not the issue, Rick!
Rick: Ahh, it would've been if I hadn't.
Drunk Rick: The Vindicators say their job is is to fight evil wherever it hides, but they don't... pick the location you'll... you'll never even hear them mention, because to fight darkness is to fight yourself.
Supernova: Crocubot, don't!
Rick: Huh, I'm seeing more croc than bot here.
Supernova: Goddammit!
Morty: Uh, what happened on Dorian 5?
Supernova: Nothing!
Alan: Nothing?! We exterminated a planet!
Morty: W-Wait, huh?
Supernova: Doomnomitron was hiding here! He's a shapeshifter! Destroying Dorian 5 was the only way to kill him!
Morty: Oh, o-okay. This again?
Rick: You know, I could have made a device to detect Doomnomitron from orbit like that.
Supernova: I'm not the one that didn't want you back. Alan was!
Alan: If you lay those deaths at my doorstep one more time...
Million Ants: Do not threaten her!
Drunk Rick: Congrats, you did it!
Supernova: What the hell is Is-ra-el?
Morty: I-It's just something Rick starts talking about whenever he's blackout drunk.
Rick: W-What? In w-In w-w-what-In what way? Like, w-w-what's my point?
Morty: In a way that has no point! You just babble about defense budgets and the United Nations, and then you pass out!
Rick: So, to be clear, I sometimes reference the geopolitical complexities of the topic, which is not the same as going to an anti-Semitic place.
Million Ants: I have no stake in this.
Rick: I don't either. I-I'm just saying, if anything, the drunk version of me is probably so supportive of Israel, he wants what's best for it and...
Million Ants: Hey, man, I'm not touching this. You do you.
Drunk Rick: Aloha... means hello and goodbye in Hawaii. But, uh, aloha means... has nothing to do with this room. I'm so fucking drunk. Ugh, okay, here's the deal. I-I want to rest my eyes for a little bit. I'm-I'm not going to sleep. I just... just need to rest my eye, so let's make this one simple. Just try to hit some three-pointers.
Drunk Rick: let's say... you have to hit... five three-pointers in... five minutes or, I don't know, the whole place-the whole planet will get blown up with a n-neutrino bomb. And try to make it a-a lesson about yourselves like, like how... selfish you a-are, or something. Also, Hawaii.
Morty: You guys hit the baskets. I'll disarm the drunkenly-improvised neutrino bomb. There's a 40% chance it's a dud, but y-you should still stay back.
Rick: Morty, how many of these...?
Morty: Too many, Rick! Too many!
Rick: Man, I am really getting high-roaded today.
Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer!
Alan: Nice shot.
Million Ants: Thank you.
Alan: You two make quite a team.
Supernova: We all do.
Alan: Yeah, I guess.
Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer!
Alan: But you guys have always had a... an unspoken bond.
Alan: I mean, really unspoken. Like, "let's-not-tell-my-husband" unspoken.
Supernova: We aren't married anymore, Alan.
Alan: Sure, but were we married when you two were "stranded" on Delphi 6 for three days? Because I sensed something was weird when you can back. But what do I know about sensitivity? I'm just a phantom train conductor. You're the pile of ordinary bugs that fucked my wife!
Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer!
Rick: Where the fuck is the lead wire?!
Morty: You always put it in the weirdest place! Um, uh, over here, maybe?
Rick: Jesus Christ, what a shitty neutrino bomb. it's a miracle I actually every destroy anything.
Morty: Oh, I don't know. You managed to destroy just about everything today; the villains, the heroes, the lines between them, my childhood...
Rick: Thank you. I appreciate it, Morty. I know you were sucking the Kool-Aid out of the Vindicators' dicks, so the fact that I was right about them must be pretty hard to admit.
Morty: Yeah, it is. You know why, Rick? Because when you're an asshole, it doesn't matter how right you are, nobody wants to give you the satisfaction.
Rick: I know. Everyone wants people they like to be right. That's why popular people are fucking dumb. And why your pretentious, poorly-written, high-budget friends back there can a eat a double-decker shit sandwich. Disarmed.
Morty: Holy shit. You're jealous.
Supernova: YES! Is that what you want to hear?!
Alan: Did it feel good?! Did you like his six million wriggling legs more than my tragedy-stricken, half-ghost, half-tumescent penis?!
Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer!
Morty: Guys, stop! You're just proving my asshole grandpa right!
Supernova: You wish this was about sex! We loved each other! We had a child together.
Alan: WHAT?!
Supernova: I conceived a child with Million Ants and it died inside me because it as HALF A MILLION ANTS AND HALF COLLAPSING STAR! And yes, he was better than you!
Alan: Yeah?
Million Ants: One million times better!
Alan: ALL ABOOOOOOARD, MOTHERFUCKER!!!
Supernova: STOP!
Rick: Oof! Didn't see that comin'.
Supernova: Is that sarcasm?! I don't want you slipping away then this is over! All of these deaths are on your hands!
Rick: Oh, come on, maybe a couple of them, but definitely not the train guy.
Supernova: All of them.
Rick: O-kayyy...
Drunk Rick: Congrats, you did it!
Drunk Rick: All right, buy now, I've been pretty clear that I thunk the Vindicators are full of shit. But... you do have one thing I'll never have. And that thing is the only part of the Vindicators with any value to me. if you know what it is, place it on the platform.Guess wrong and the pla... planet will explode. And probably the solar system, 'cause I kind of fucking eyeballed the neutrino bombs on this one.
Supernova: So what's the trick? Morty, you're the Drunk Rick expert.
Morty: I think... no matter what we put on there, we die. he said it's the part of the Vindicators he values. That means nothing. He wants our last moment alive to be spent knowing how few fucks he gave.
Supernova: Jesus! Okay, open to second opinions!
Rick: I could-It could be Morty.
Morty: What?
Rick: Hey, I don't know. I mean, look, when I get drunk, I get stupid and emotional and there's no logic to it. it's, like, possible I got so drunk, I felt like I was losing Morty to the Vindicators, and maybe this is my way of saying "Okay, you can have him, but only if you know how important he is, otherwise I'll kill you."
Million Ants: That is a... really specific guess.
Rick: Look, I... there's nothing in the room but us. I'm just using logic to connect some dots. It's the best guess I've got.
Supernova: But you're betting our lives on it.
Morty: I'll cover that bet. I get it.
Rick: Well, Morty, I think you're making that smirky face because you're misinterpreting the moment. I am not being coy about some hidden love for you. I want to be really clear that, if anyone has a better guess, like, if I gave you an amulet last night, or...
Rick: Oh, shit.
Drunk Rick: Sorry, I'm... not good at goodbyes. It looks like I'm never gonna see you again. I can't really roll with the hero types, and I don't... th-they don't want me around. But I want... you to know, even if I didn't show it at the time, II really appreciated you sticking by me.
Drunk Rick: Goddammit, why am I crying? It makes no sense.
Drunk Rick: Ugh, y-you're probably confused because we barely know each other...
Drunk Rick: ...but you really stuck your neck out when you gave me props for my awesome jokes in the briefing room. Everybody else had their heads so far up their ass. Even my own grandson is like, "Oh, the Vindicators are so cool." I mean, he's a moron, it's their... demographic. But you're different, Noob-Noob.
Morty: ...Motherfucker!
Drunk Rick: You're fucking cool! And you're smart! And I bet we coulda hung out and shit! And I hope you get to be a full-fledged Vindicator! A-And d-do me a favor. Do-Don't let him know I... I got emotional. But you can tell him one thing. Tell him I said... Oh, fuck. Okay, I just shit myself. Okay, later.
Rick: W-Dude, Morty, what happened i...?
Morty: Shut up.
Million Ants: I sense this means we are not drying.
Supernova: Not all of us.
Million Ants: Sweetheart?
Supernova: Just let Titty-Bean do this, Snuzzles. It's for the greater good.
Morty: Greater good?!
Rick: Titty-Bean?
Supernova: It's like you said, Morty
Morty: Never said that!
Supernova: It's the galaxy's faith in the Vindicators that keeps the galaxy secure!
Rick: Yeah, I feel safer already.
Morty: No doubt. Who do we make the check out to?
Rick: I'll say, we are gettin' some good licks in while choking to death.
Morty: Right?
Million Ants: Titty-Bean, listen to me. When you came to me, I was merely a sentient colony of ants. It was your beliefs, your pursuit of justice, that taught me to be a man.
Supernova: When did it get so complicated?
Million Ants: Who knows? But we can make it simple again.
Supernova: You were always the romantic. Which is why you can't leave either.
Supernova: Goodbye, my love.
Rick: Damn! She double-crossed Snuzzles!
Supernova: Silence! I'm going to enjoy this...
Announcer: Let's give a huge thanks to Rick Sanchez for killing Worldender, putting this awesome party together, and for booking one of the hottest talents out there
Rick: Look at that. Geez, I must've planned a whole party. Invited a bunch of people. Not bad, Drunk Rick, not bad.
Morty: Rick, Supernova's getting away!
Rick: Ah, who cares?
Morty: But.. she was trying to kill us!
Rick: Morty, twenty people try to kill me every week. I end up getting high with half of 'em. I mean, check it out, Gear Head's here.
Beth: Morty, you're wearing a Vindicator jacket. Are you a little superhero now?
Morty: Everyone in the universe is a hero, Mom. Which is why we don't need jackets. And I'm pretty sure we don't need Vindicators.
Summer: Man, Grandpa Rick must have gotten shitfaced.
Rick: Shut up, Summer.
Rick: Who the fuck is Noob-Noob?