Bender: For my next trick, notice I have nothing up my sleeves ... ... and nothing in my head. So if my lovely assistant will kindly supply me with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk... Behold, the milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension!
Fry: Amazing! That's why they call you "Bender the Magnificent"!
Bender: No, it isn't.
Fry: Whoa! They discovered an intact, 20th century pizzeria, just like the one I used to work at.
Bender: Interesting. No, wait, the other thing ... tedious.
Fry: Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you.
Bender: You lived before you met me?
Fry: Sure. Lots of people did.
Bender: Really?
Bender: Truly, they were as gods who built this place!
Tour Guide: Next, we come to the splendidly-preserved wooden pizza paddle. Scientists theorise it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy.
Fry: Wait a second! This is Panucci's! I used to work in this exact pizzeria! And for your information, lady, this was not just used to paddle my butt. It was also used to move pizzas and crush rats.
Tour Guide: I don't know where you get your facts, sir, but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation and a Harlequin romance about archaeologists.
Fry: Don't wave your fancy degrees at me! I recognise all this stuff. Petrified sausages, old Mr. Patelli. And that's-
Man: Yes?
Fry: Pizza delivery for Mr. ... ... Seymour Asses.
Man: There's no one by that name here ... or anywhere. I hope that in time you'll realise what an idiot you've been.
Fry: I wouldn't count on that.
Fry: Aw! Poor little guy. You look like you haven't eaten in a month. Here ... ... but if Mr. Panucci asks, your name is Seymour Asses. I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs ... are you? Nah! We understand each other. People think you're just a dumb mutt who smells bad, can't find a girlfriend and has a crummy job. But you're keepin' it real and you call no man "Mister". Well, goodbye. Live long and prosper.
Bender: Yuck! That's the least appetising calzone I've ever seen!
Fry: No! That's my dog in there. It's an outrage, I say! I'm taking him home and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh!
Bender: And then he was ejected by the guards. Needless to say, I was mortified.
Fry: Well it's not right to make my dead pet an exhibit. That's like digging up Lassie and putting her on display in the Louvre.
Amy: Lassie is on display in the Louvre.
Fry: I know. I was deliberately describing a similar situation.
Farnsworth: Why don't you try protesting? Like those native Martians; always whining that people don't treat their ancestor's bones with respect.
Bender: Nah, protesting never works.
Fry: You're right. I'll give it a shot!
Crowd: What do you want?
Fry: Fry's dog!
Crowd: When do you want it?
Fry: Fry's dog! I will now perform my people's native dance.
Leela: It says this part of The Hustle implores the gods to grant a favour. Usually a Trans-AM.
Fry: I'm walking on sunshine! Oh-oh-oh! I'm walking on sunshine! Oh-oh-oh! That a boy, Seymour! Right here waiting for me as always. Just like that huge mushroom in my shower.
Panucci: Hey! There's our little mascot. Aw, you been swimming in the sewer again? You rascal! Fry, cleanup!
Fry: Seymour, cleanup! Good dog!
Panucci: That's a good Seymour!
Boy: Yo! There's dog fur on my slice!
Panucci: Nah, that's vermicelli! No fur in here!
Fry: He's so cute! He can do two things at one time Eat and swim. Ooh, three things!
Leela: Fry, it's been three days. You can't keep boogie-ing like this. You'll come down with a fever of some sort.
Ben Beeler: Mr. Fry? I'm Dr. Ben Beeler, the palaeontologist who discovered your dog. Or as some call it, the "Beelersaurus".
Fry: So do I get Seymour back? Are you caving to political pressure?
Beeler: No, we're sorry but there's just too much that fossil can teach us about dogs from your time.
Fry: His name was Seymour. He was once intimate with the leg of a wandering saxophonist. He had wet dog smell, even when dry. And he was not above chasing the number 29 bus.
Ray: The 29? Interesting.
Beeler: That's all I needed. Ray?
Ray: I'm good.
Beeler: OK then. Here's your dog back.
Fry: Seymour!
Bender: Lady and gentleman! How 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant?
Zoidberg: I was all in this part! It's magic!
Bender: You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard!
Zoidberg: Stop!
Fry: Good news, everyone!
Bender: Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in! Here you go, buddy!
Farnsworth: No. Actually we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossilised, preserving it's cellular structure!
Fry: Which means we can clone it! Seymour will live again!
Zoidberg: A little land mammal!
Fry: Can you believe it, Bender? I'm going to have my best friend back!
Cubert: Why the idiot convention?
Farnsworth: Ah, Cubert, my precious babe. I'm going to attempt to clone Fry's dog using the very same apparatus I used to clone you. Ooh, look! There's a smidge of toe still in here. You see, beneath the fossil's crunchy, mineral shell, there's still a creamy core of dog nougat.
Fry: So will Seymour remember how to sing Walking On Sunshine?
Farnsworth: Amazingly, yes. In cases of rapid fossilisation, I can press this brain scan button, retrieving Seymour's memories at the precise instant of doggy death.
Fry: I'm gonna get my puppy back! In your face, Grim Reaper!
Bender: Crappy ineffective Reaper!
Farnsworth: I just need to reset the Clone-O-Mat from Human Mode to Dog Mode.
Computer Voice: The dog says-
Farnsworth: Uh-oh, this may take a while.
Boy: You stink, loser!
Panucci: Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. C'mon!
Fry: But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve.
Panucci: Like you got squat to celebrate! You're a delivery boy this millennium and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium! What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go. Or he thinks your pants is too short, or somethin'. Which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!
Fry: I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here till I come back.
Fry: Hello? Pizza delivery for ... ... Icy Wiener? Aw, crud! Here's to another lousy millennium.
Crowd: Five, four, three, two.
Fry: What the-?
Bender: A dog collar, for me? You shouldn't have!
Fry: That's for Seymour.
Bender: Oh.
Bender: Say, why'd you get me a subscription to the Daily Growl? That's not a reputable journal of opinion.
Fry: Oh, that's also for Seymour. I'm getting everything ready for when he's cloned.
Bender: Are you on the junk, Fry? Why are you wasting time on a creature of inferior intelligence?
Fry: Hey, he was smart! He could fetch.
Bender: I can fetch.
Fry: He could dig up bones.
Bender: Hello? Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.
Fry: Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you.
Bender: That's impossible!
Fry: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse.
Bender: No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house. Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it. Ow!
Fry: This is Fry. If you're calling about the used towels for sale, they're still available for $45 each.
Mr. Fry: Phil, it's your father. Where are you? You're holding up New Year's brunch. Your brother can't wait any longer.
Yancy: Hello, first baloney of the new millennium! Ah, here he comes. That's him and Seymour.
Mrs. Fry: Well that's weird. Seymour's here but- Go! Go! Touchdown! But where's Philip?
Mr. Fry: I'm tellin' you, the Y2K computer's got him. We'll face burnin' roads, rivers exploding, calculators transformed into Scud missiles. There's nothing we can do. What's that, Seymour? You walking on sunshine?
Yancy: He's trying to tell us something. Maybe he can lead us to Philip.
Yancy: Should we follow him?
Mr. Fry: To our deaths? Negatory.
Mr. Fry: It's the Y2K tryin' to lure us into an ambush. And I ain't buyin' it. Pass the baloney.
Fry: Are you two gonna be done soon?
Leela: Sorry, but we need to practise hand-to-hand combat in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands and they slide way across the room.
Fry: Well could you do it some place else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggy bed.
Leela: OK.
Bender: Heel, boy, heel! Oh, hello, Fry! I guess I didn't notice you there. I'm having such fun with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy.
Fry: That's nice.
Bender: I was just out walking him. Yes, you can walk him. Of course, after he goes you have to refill the canisters. C'mere, boy! Pet, pet, pet.
Robo-Puppy: Robo-Puppy receiving petting.
Amy: Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy? That's so adorable!
Bender: Jealous? Not while I have the love of Robo-Puppy here. Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek.
Robo-Puppy: Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek-licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete.
Bender: Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend, huh?
Fry: Ah, there! Perfect!
Holo-Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! The Clone-O-Mat is ready!
Fry: Finally!
Robo-Puppy: Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!
Farnsworth: Behold once more, the mighty Clone-O-Mat! Requiring such vast amounts of electricity that we must harness the elemental power of nature itself. I speak, of course, of molten lava deep within the Earth's core. To the sub-basement!
Farnsworth: Powering up Clone-O-Mat. Placing fossil on the Plat-Clone-O-Form. Initiating dog brain CAT scan.
Fry: Come on, boy! Come back to life!
Farnsworth: Know ye now what feels like to be dog god! Commencing DNA extraction.
Bender: Fry, c'mon, the talent show!
Fry: What? I'm in the middle of something.
Bender: But, if we don't perform, in what sense do we have an act?
Fry: Bender, enough! Leave me alone!
Bender: So that's how it is, huh? I thought you were my friend. But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch!
Leela: No!
Zoidberg: Oh!
Bender: Now I'm all you got!
Fry: I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow!
Bender: So anyway your dog is melted. Now we're friends again.
Farnsworth: Not necessarily. For the dog may yet survive.
Fry: May yet? Really?
Farnsworth: Indeed. You see, that fossil was made of dolomite; The tough black mineral that won't cop out when there's heat all about. By contrast, observe the lava's affect on this ice swan. Of course, that would have melted even at room temperature. I just wanted to get rid of it. But had it been made of that righteous mineral dolomite, there's a slim chance it might have survived.
Fry: So Seymour might still exist?
Farnsworth: Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolomite, baby!
Fry: Then I'm goin' in after him.
Amy: No!
Leela: Stop!
Fry: He'd come after me!
Leela: Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back.
Fry: Then all hope is lost. Goodbye, Seymour.
Bender: Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog to toy with my emotions. Oh, what have I done?
Zoidberg: You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up.
Bender: Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the Ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty. I'm goin' in!
Farnsworth: I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me? You can't go in because you'll melt. The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolomite.
Bender: I'm 40% dolomite! Oh, it's hot! It's very hot!
Cryogenisist: Ugh! I am one hungover cryogenisist. Just throw that mutt in the freezer till his owners get here.
Plumber: You can't solve all your problems by freezing them, boss.
Cryogenisist: I think you're forgetting our motto.
Mr. Fry: Are you the cryogenisist who called about our son's dog?
Cryogenisist: Oh, you must be the Frys. Yeah, he's right over there.
Mrs. Fry: Sorry we're late. We all got sick from eating bad baloney.
Mr. Fry: Y2K!
Mrs. Fry: What's he so worked up about?
Mr. Fry: He's just upset 'cause our boy's missing. C'mon, you overgrown rat. Lead us to Philip.
Leela: Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him.
Farnsworth: Professor! Lava! Hot!
Fry: This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender!
Bender: And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent! Hey, where'd everybody go?
Bender: OK! Let's clone us some dog!
Fry: Yeah!
Farnsworth: Very well. Let this abomination unto the Lord begin! Interesting. It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15.
Fry: 15? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen?
Farnsworth: Indeed.
Fry: Stop the cloning.
Farnsworth: Oh, sure! Smash the smart guy's machine!
Bender: Fry, what's wrong?
Fry: Think about it Seymour lived a full life after I was gone. He probably even added new songs to his repertoire.
Bender: But that's a good thing. Walking On Sunshine sucks noodles!
Fry: I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him. But he forgot me a long, long time ago.


Zoidberg: Hurry up with the water. I'm steaming inside my own shell, I am. It's that hot, it is!
Leela: Hi-yah!
Fry: Man, it's hot! How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. Johnny Carson said it.
Leela: No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!
Bender: Lightweights! Oh, wait, chlorine!
Farnsworth: Perhaps this movie will help us take our minds off the heat.
Bender: Focus!
Narrator: Global Warming Or None Like It Hot!
Narrator: You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners, it's global warming!
Suzie: Gwobal wappa?
Narrator: Uh, yeah! Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth.
Mr. Sunbeam: Hello, Earth! Just poppin' in to brighten your day! And now I'll be on my way!
Gas: Not so fast, Sunbeam! We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere!
Mr. Sunbeam: Ooh! Ah! Oh, God, it hurts!
Narrator: Pretty soon, Earth is chock-full of sunbeams ... ... their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere.
Suzie: How do we get wid of the gweenhouse grasses?
Narrator: Fortunately, our handsomest politicians came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063 we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.
Suzie: Just like Daddy puts in his drink every morning. And then he gets mad.
Narrator: Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time. Thus solving the problem once and for all.
Suzie: But-
Narrator: Once and for all!
Leela: Well, we just need one of those big ice cubes. Someone should call the losers who are supposed to deliver it. Hello?
Nixon: President Nixon here. I'm hiring you losers to deliver the ice. And hurry up! I'm sweating like J. Edgar Hoover trying to squeeze into a new girdle!
Farnsworth: You heard the good news, everyone! Save the Earth, et cetera, et cetera! Bye!
Fry: Wait! Where do we get the ice?
Farnsworth: The wha? Oh, Halley's Comet, of course. The only sufficient source of ice cubes that don't have bugs in them.
Fry: Wow! Mining a comet! That sounds fun.
Farnsworth: Yes, there's no safer occupation than mining. Especially when you're perched on a snowball whipping through space at a million miles an hour. Safe!
Bender: Deploying ice drill.
Fry: Wow! That ice dispenser's so big, the ice crushes you! Yakov Smirnov said it.
Leela: No, he didn't.
Bender: Activating ice drill.
Fry: Oh, my God! It's out of ice! Like some outer space Motel 6!
Leela: Completely out of ice?
Bender: This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it ... also life.
Linda: With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects of sudden intense global warming.
Morbo: Morbo is pleased but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion.
Randy: They called me crazy for building this ark.
Soupy: You are crazy. You filled it with same-sex animal couples!
Randy: Hey! There are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like.
Morbo: Direct your attention now to the African turtles seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland.
Bender: That poor turtle!
Fry: Bender? Are you crying?
Bender: Uh, no! Never!
Morbo: Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace among the Dutch tulips.
Linda: I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool.
Morbo: Windmills do not work that way! Goodnight!
Bender: Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives?
Hermes: You went all the way to Holland already?
Leela: Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it?
Bender: Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself. Like poor little Shelly here.
Hermes: What could you possibly have in common with this walking soup mix?
Bender: For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell. But lead a rich, inner life. And also ... well, you know.
Leela: You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering, chain-smoking gamblers?
Bender: No! It's just ... neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back.
Fry: What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times.
Bender: Those times I was slightly on my side.
Hermes: Interesting. Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender.
Bender: Uh, no! That's not necessary, really! I think I hear my factory recalling me. Oh! That's what I get for sharing my vulnerability with you.
Van: Calling all scientists, calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming in Kyoto, Japan.
Man: I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine!
Van: You've got a degree in baloney!
Amy: Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist!
Farnsworth: Forget it, I'm not going! I have my reasons! Shut up, all of you!
Hermes: Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious since I found those "ape bones" in the basement.
Farnsworth: My hip hurts! I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey! I have warranty cards to fill out! I am not just making excuses! Alright, I'll go!
Woman #1: Oh, God, I can't believe it!
Woman #2: I love you!
Rivers: Oh, oh, oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth! He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks! His wristwatch is a Casio.
Van: Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to introduce the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Convention. The inventor of the environment and first Emperor of the Moon Al Gore.
Al Gore'S Head: I have ridden the mighty Moon Worm.
Fry: Good for him!
Gore: My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution. As well as dark wizards.
Dark Wizard: Sure! Blame the wizards!
Gore: That's why I'm offering a bag of Moon Sapphires to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all. Lovely, aren't they?
Dark Wizard: Sapphires? With those I could open the Gate of Kerash!
Gore: First up is Professor Ogden Wernstrom.
Farnsworth: Wernstrom!
Wernstrom: Ladies and gentlemen, I have placed in orbit a giant mirror that will reflect 40% of the sun's rays, thus cooling Earth. Observe.
Wernstrom: Problem solved.
Man: Ooh! That's a little bright.
Gore: Alright, what else we got?
Fry: Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas.
Farnsworth: Absolutely not! I won't speak! I've got nothing to hide!
Gore: Our next speaker is Professor-
Farnsworth: I demand the floor!
Gore: Yes, it's your turn to speak.
Farnsworth: Well nuts to me. I'm taking the stage! I know the source of the greenhouse gases. But in my shame I've kept it secret for 75 long years. Oh, it haunts my memory still.
Fry: Professor, no! Don't do it!
Farnsworth: Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?
Farnsworth: It was October 17th at 1 54pm and 14 birds were flying by the window. I was working at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. Back then, you see, robots were slow-moving, stiff and a little on the uptight side.
Prototype: Oh, dear. Might I favour master with a tender kiss on the forehead?
Farnsworth: Oh, I've failed again.
Prototype: Oh, dear! Oh, dear! Oh, dear!
Farnsworth: The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger sportier robot.
Farnsworth: Stop!
Farnsworth: It wasn't easy but, by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded.
Mom: What was that?
Farnsworth: A flaming burp.
Mom: Does it always do that?
Farnsworth: It's not always a burp. We still have one problem though This robot will never meet emission standards.
Mom: Crap spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot and classify it as a light truck.
Farnsworth: Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team.
Farnsworth: What a fool I was. If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot. But I was tired and in love.
Mom: Take me now, you stud!
Farnsworth: Oh, this is all my fault!
Fry: That's awful, Professor. Especially the making-out part.
Gore: Yeah, I didn't need to hear that.
Farnsworth: All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs. And that's the cause of global warming today.
Wernstrom: Huh, so the robots are to blame. As I suspected. We are left with only one possible course of action, grim though it be.
Bender: I got a good feeling about this!
Wernstrom: We must immediately and permanently shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots!
Bender: No!
Farnsworth: Wait, surely there's a better-
Van: The conference is over.
Gore: I must go now, to help collect cans on Jupiter. Peace out, y'all!
Crowd: Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots!
Amy: Poor Bender.
Fry: Be brave, my friend.
Leela: Come on. You've got to come out of your chest sometime. Would you do it for a Bender snack?
Fry: Aha!
Leela: Gotcha!
Bender: Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes! You tried to trick me into coming out of my chest. But who has the beer now? I've got mail!
Amy: Ooh! It's a party, apparently.
Nixon: Do you like to party? To boogie down? Well I'm throwing an all-night beach raver for my robot pals. It all goes down Saturday on the isolated Galapagos Islands where there will be no escape ... from the fun! All robots must attend.
Zoidberg: Strange Why would Nixon, an awkward, uncomfortable man, suddenly throw a party, one of the most social events imaginable? It's a trap, is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots! I don't hear any gasping.
Leela: We all figured that out.
Bender: Well, I'm off.
Fry: Wait! We could hide you. We'll pile fruit on you and claim you're a bowl.
Bender: No. I'm going to the party.
Fry: I won't let you!
Bender: Fry, as you know, there are lots of things I'm willing to kill for. Jewels, vengeance, Father O'Mally's weed whacker. But, at long last, I've found something I'm willing to die for This mindless turtle.
Fry: Bender, this world isn't good enough for you.
Bender: Not even close. Goodbye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead. It's booby trapped!
Robot #1: Oh, yeah!
Robot #2: Come on, baby!
Bender: Poor guy. Maybe you'd feel better if I had a drink. Crummy keg! It's completely ta- Oh, you're a robot!
Keg Robot: Don't stop!
Bender: Ew!
Nixon: Attention, happening robots Who's got what it takes to party with Nixon? You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes ... uh, really good smokes. Two hours. OK, headless body of Agnew, let's blow this joint!
Crushinator: Do you want to dance?
Bender: Nah, I'm not really in the-
Crushinator: You know you want to.
Wernstrom: Per your orders, I modified my mirror to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated. Now for your part of the bargain.
Nixon: Aroo! Very well. Agnew, you belong to Wernstrom now.
Bender: I'll say goodbye now. There ain't not turtles where daddy's a-going. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all robots off and-
Boom Mic-Bot: What?
Robot #3: We're gonna die!
Preacherbot: We're going to the great beyond!
Chain Smoker: Nixon's not bringing the smokes!
Bender: Shut up and pay attention to me, Bender! Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, Hedonismbot. But we need to be shut off! Especially you, Hedonismbot!
Hedonismbot: I apologise for nothing!
Bender: We pollute too much. We're destroying the world and killing the turtles.
Preacherbot: To hell with the turtles!
Bender: No one insults the turtles!
Preacherbot: Oh, mercy!
Bender: Come on!
Hedonismbot: Let the games begin!
Farnsworth: Everyone, listen!
Preacherbot: Aw, damn!
Farnsworth: I've devised a way to save you and stop global warming at the same time. Granted, you're all blasting out greenhouse gases-
Bender: You're one to talk!
Farnsworth: But we can use those very gases to save the planet. If you all vent your exhaust directly upward in one burst, it should thrust the Earth further from the sun, thus cooling it. By my calculations, we'll need the full force of every last robot. So, quickly, everyone point your exhaust vents straight upwards. Now vent! Vent like the wind! Harder! Harder!
Fry: Why isn't this working?!
Leela: Some lazy or polite robot is holding it in.
Bender: Help! Help!
Farnsworth: A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished. Oh, the Jedis are going to feel this one!
Bender: I'm sorry, buddy. At least we'll die on our backs, helpless. Huh? What the hell are you doing? Hey, you trying to make me look bad? Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny.
Nixon: Fire! What the-?
Wernstrom: We missed!
Nixon: Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you with Earth's new highest honour The Polluting Medal of Pollution.
Farnsworth: Thank you. I deserve this!
Bender: Hey, Professor, now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer?
Farnsworth: Why, yes! One week longer to be exact.
Nixon: In that case I hereby declare it Robot Party Week!
Bender: Alright, baby!


Farnsworth: Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?
Farnsworth: Let's get this gargoyle hunt on the road. Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There!
Leela: Uh, maybe I should drive.
Farnsworth: You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall! Let me just adjust the seat.
Fry: My God! He's gonna do it! Everybody, seatbelts to maximum buckling.
Farnsworth: Pazuzu? Oh, Pazuzu?
Randy: Hey, grandpa, move your wrinkly old kiester!
Farnsworth: Shut up!
Leela: For Heaven's Gate, Professor. This ship can do 99% light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour?
Farnsworth: Because we're in a hurry, that's why.
Leela: Plus, you have the high beams on!
Farnsworth: I can't quite read the sign. Pazuzu? Pazuzu?
Bender: Yo, Captain Cataract? What are we doing here?
Farnsworth: Oh, it's 2.30. We can still catch the early bird dinner special.
Fry: Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle?
Farnsworth: My wha?
Farnsworth: Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon?
Wanda: Mavis is dead.
Farnsworth: I expect you'll want to see my angry, crotchety, grandpa discount card.
Wanda: Sir, this card has expired.
Farnsworth: But it's good for a lifetime.
Wanda: Well, yours expired.
Leela: Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor.
Farnsworth: Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear-powered!
Fry: Ow! It bit my finger!
Leela: No! No! It's tasted human blood!
Farnsworth: Mmm! Damn good meat!
Leela: Professor, we've talked it over and everybody thinks you're too old.
Amy: Right on.
Fry: Yup.
Bender: Uh-huh!
Hermes: We've decided to do the merciful thing and have you euthasised.
Farnsworth: Dear God, no!
Amy: Oh, relax, Professor. "Youthasizing" is a trendy, new spa treatment. It's this season's shark-cartilage enema.
Farnsworth: But I like being old. I don't have to talk to my parents, no one asks me to help move their stuff, I don't need to understand today's "edgy" TV sitcoms.
Leela: OK, OK. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him!
Farnsworth: My thong!
Heather: Hi! I'm Heather, your personal Youthasizer. Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we?
Farnsworth: Go to hell, Heather!
Heather: Oh! In small doses, botchelism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable.
Farnsworth: Give me back my floppy face!
Farnsworth: Careful with the giblets!
Heather: Hmm. You're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure.
Heather: Since this is such a serious case of old, we'll have to try our strongest treatment A soothing full-body bath in searing-hot tar. Sir, it's not necessary or wise to be naked.
Farnsworth: You sound just like my tennis instructor.
Heather: The tar blisters the age right out of the body in what top scientists suspect is a miracle.
Farnsworth: Oh, I don't have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain.
Fry: He still sounds sorta old. Sorta real old.
Bender: Step aside, lady. Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive, degenerate form of bending. C'mon, Bender, pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!
Farnsworth: Well, that was an utter waste of time.
Amy: Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father!
Farnsworth: Poodle spit! 53 years old? Now I'll need a fake ID to rent ultra-porn.
Fry: This is great, Professor! We should go out and celebrate!
Farnsworth: Dear Lord! You've all reverted to your childhood forms.
Zoidberg: Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!
Farnsworth: While I try to restore our normal ages, I expect you all to go about your jobs like responsible professionals.
Hermes: It wasn't me, Mr. F. It was Amy! Stop it, Amy!
Amy: You stink!
Hermes: You know you did it!
Farnsworth: Quiet! Quiet, I say!
Labarbara: We're here to take my little stub of a husband home. Hermes, say goodbye to Mr. Farnsworth.
Hermes: Goodbye, Mr. Dumbsworth!
Leela: Hey! This my chance to spend time with my parents too.
Fry: But your parents are gross sewer mutants.
Leela: When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-
Farnsworth: That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents.
Leela: It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad.
Morris: Can't I just beat up the kid?
Munda: Well, OK, Leela. If you think you can put up with your father, then welcome home. We'll try to respect your independence and freedom.
Leela: No! I want the real teen experience Chores, curfew, the works!
Morris: Fine, Sweetiekins, we'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate!
Leela: Dad! I'm underage!
Morris: Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.
Mrs. Wong: Oh, my Amy's sweet little girl again! This is like a mother's dream. Bad dream, that is! At this rate, I'm never going to get a grandchild!
Mr. Wong: Maybe she not grown up but she sure grown out! She fat!
Amy: Dad, if you're gonna make fat jokes till I get cute again, I'm just gonna stay in my room.
Mr. Wong: Stay in room? You so fat, you gonna stay all around room!
Farnsworth: I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth. Suddenly I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork every three hours. And those jerks at social security stopped sending me checks. Now I have to pay them!
Bender: I'm tired of your yapping. All you ever do is complain, you never try to make things better. Well, I'm running away from this dead-end family! I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas. There has to be!
Farnsworth: Fine! Get going!
Bender: Oh, I'm going! You're gonna be all "Where's Bender? I miss Bender".
Farnsworth: We won't know that until you leave.
Bender: Oh, I'm leaving!
Farnsworth: There's the door.
Bender: I'll be good.
Munda: Ah, do you have to shed your skin on the couch? What do we live in, a zoo?
Morris: I'm getting the doorbell. For me?
Fry: Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight. Um, I'm here to pick up your daughter.
Leela: Hi, Fry! I like your blazer.
Fry: Thanks. These aren't pockets, they're just flaps. I put my money in my sock.
Munda: So, where are you taking my daughter tonight?
Fry: A movie. A movie, ma'am.
Morris: Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12.
Leela: Dad, you're being too lenient again! I have to be back by 11.
Munda: OK, OK. You're the boss!
Leela: No, I'm not!
Fry: I'd like a sewer burger but without the rat faeces.
Leela: What are you, on a diet?
Moose: Uh, Leela, you look hot.
Mandy: Jeez, Moose! Just dump me right in front of her, why don't you.
Leela: Moose, Mandy; this is my friend Fry, from the surface.
Mandy: Oh, so this is the famous Fry. What is he, like, the biggest loser on the surface so he has to hang out in the sewer?
Fry: They're onto me!
Leela: Hey, come on! Let's act like grown-ups here. Wanna race?
Moose: Uh, yeah!
Sal: Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days. Whoas! Cripe!
Leela: A tapeworm!
Fry: We missed the turn. We'll never catch them.
Leela: Yes, we will. This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9pm!
Farnsworth: The devil take this predictable colon!
Fry: Yeah!
Leela: Alright!
Fry: Leela, you can stop winning now. We won!
Leela: I'm too short to reach the handbrake!
Dwayne: That's detention!
Fry: And then, and then, this giant tapeworm tried to play us for chumps but we like totally dissed Moose!
Farnsworth: Yes, I'd like to meet this Moose. But, in the meantime, I have good news. I may have solved our age problem.
Fry: Yay!
Farnsworth: It seems the Youthasizing tar was saturated with time-altering Chronitons. A thin layer is still stuck to our DNA as well as Bender's robo, or "RNA".
Bender: Question.
Farnsworth: Yes?
Bender: You stink!
Farnsworth: Yes, yes. Anyhow, I've designed an oil-eating bacterium that should take the tar right off.
Fry: C'mon! Let's go tell Leela so we can grow up together!
Leela: Thanks, Professor. But I don't want the treatment.
Farnsworth: Don't you understand, you little nitwit? Unless you're treated soon, the only way to restore your true age would be to grow into it! Just as God intended.
Munda: He has a point, honey. What about your job and your friends? Do you really want to abandon your old life?
Leela: My old life wasn't as glamorous as my webpage made it look. All I ever wanted was to grow up here, with you. Please?
Munda: Well if it's what you really want.
Leela: It is. I know it is.
Fry: I'll miss you, Leela. I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up.
Leela: Bring beer.
Morris: No beer till you finish your tequila!
Farnsworth: The age-restoring microbes are ready. Everyone into the bacterial spew chamber.
Amy: Let's go!
Bender: Yes, everyone do the same thing!
Farnsworth: Initiating controlled infection.
Zoidberg: I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge.
Amy: Aw, pooh! We're even younger!
Farnsworth: Day-umn! The bacteria pigged-out on the tar and now they're getting freaky-deaky, spreading Chronitons throughout our systems. We're getting younger by the minute!
Amy: Yikes!
Zoidberg: What? I'm going to revert through all my larval stages?
Farnsworth: Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger until we suffer a fate worse than death Pre-life ... then death.
Farnsworth: I've got to stop this reverse-aging before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth. Think, you disco duck, think!
Amy: What's that squirmal under your shirt?
Farnsworth: Get off me, you parasitic lamprey!
Zoidberg: Oh, sure, like you need all your blood.
Farnsworth: Would you all chill! I can't think with you kids cramping my style! Oh, I need a babysitter.
Leela: OK, quiet time. I know, everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongue and I'll read you a story.
Zoidberg: I can't see from down here, I can't.
Leela: There. Today's story is from New Teen magazine. What would you rather hear about? Four-legged Chachi or tentacled Chachi?
Fry: I wanna hear a space story!
Leela: It's kind of a baby book. But OK. Let's see. Snow White Dwarf And The Seven Red Dwarves, Charlotte's Tholian Web, The Fountain Of Aging.
Farnsworth: The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the Tooth Fairy a legend and now he's head of the FBI.
Farnsworth: Sup? Kids ready?
Fry: Professy's back! Ew! You smell like smoking! And drinking.
Farnsworth: I had a few beers but I'm cool to drive.
Leela: I wish I could come with you to say goodbye, before you all turn back in to grown-ups but I'm grounded for knocking the school over.
Munda: Who cares, Leela? It was just a public school. Now go with your friends, please.
Leela: No! A grounded teenager must be confined to her room!
Leela: Until she sneaks out!
Bender: When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel!
Leela: According to this, the Fountain is located in the darkest, most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear Junction.
Farnsworth: Teddy Bear Junction The worst scum-hole in the galaxy.
Farnsworth: This solar system is, like, way old.
Leela: Look how high the asteroid belt is pulled up on that planet.
Farnsworth: Newsflash! Everything's getting older the closer we get to that ancient, burnt-out sun.
Leela: Dude, the Fountain of Aging must be on the sun itself.
Farnsworth: Shut up! I was gonna say that!
Leela: We've got to hurry. The kids have only one change of pants!
Farnsworth: We gotta be real, real careful to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Zoidberg! Get out of there!
Zoidberg: The current! It's too much, already! Help!
Farnsworth: Jeepers!
Leela: Zoidberg is dead!
Zoidberg: No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story I just reverted to the age where my siblings budded from me and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain.
Sibling #1: He always had to be the centre of attention!
Sibling #2: Let him go!
Leela: Oh, no! Quick! Get them into the fountain!
Farnsworth: Thanks for the help, Weewa. Once we're gwown up, you can go back to your famiwy. We'wl never bother you again.
Leela: Well, you could bother me a little.
Farnsworth: It's working! Hooray! I can't hold on!
Leela: I'm coming in after you!
Farnsworth: No, Leela! You can't give up your childhood! You'll never have another chance at it!
Fry: We did it! We're the right ages again!
Leela: I think I might be a couple years younger.
Amy: Oh, me too!
Farnsworth: Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods!
Leela: He's too far out! We can't reach him!
Farnsworth: With my last breath I curse Zoidberg! Pazuzu! Oh, you came back to me!
Hermes: Are you back to your original age, Professor?
Farnsworth: Even older! Huzzah!
Fry: I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela.
Leela: Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am.
Fry: The fabulous person!
Leela: With friends like you guys-
Fry: Fabulous friends!
Leela: And I'm really happy I have that life back.
Farnsworth: And you, my faithful fiend! How can I ever repay you?
Pazuzu: And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit, bonne nuit to you all!


Fry: Delivery boy Philip J. Fry, reporting for duty.
Zoidberg: Dr. Zoidberg, soaking in brine.
Fry: What is the meaning of this? We've got a delivery, people. Let's move! Let's move! Amy? Mission profile? Interesting, interesting. Dr. Zoidberg, mission bag?
Zoidberg: Packed and ready, sir.
Fry: What's this? This is the same toy surprise I got last time! I can't work under these conditions. And without me there is no mission. I am the mission!
Leela: We're back from the mission!
Fry: Wh-What? You went without me?
Bender: You were looking up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time.
Fry: But- But I'm the delivery boy.
Leela: Don't worry. Everything went fine.
Bender: Better than usual!
Leela: We got medals! Good work, team! We really pulled together on this one.
Zoidberg: They got medals.
Fry: I'm real sorry I missed the mission. I wasn't there and you might have needed me.
Bender: Nope.
Fry: But if I'd been there I-
Bender: Nope.
Fry: Look-
Bender: Nope.
Fry: Bender's great-
Bender: Nope!
Fry: Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out to dinner tonight.
Leela: Nope. I've got a date with Chaz.
Fry: Chaz?
Leela: I met him at that charity cock fight last week. He's the mayor's aide.
Bender: Ooh! You go, mutant girl!
Leela: I do go! He's a very important man.
Fry: So? I'm just as important as him. It's just that, the kind of importance I have ... it doesn't matter if I don't do it.
Fry: I'm nobody. There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me.
Bender: Ah, buck up, meatloaf. Bender'll take you out tonight and cheer you up. What do you wanna do? And I mean anything. You have the power! Name it and I'm there. You the man!
Fry: Um, OK. Let's go bowling.
Bender: Nah.
Elzar: Table for two? Step right this way.
Chaz: I'm afraid we don't have a reservation but, uh, as you can see ... ... I'm the mayor's aide. Table for two, please.
Elzar: OK then.
Elzar: Bam!
Chaz: It's OK, my man. I got you covered on your next health inspection.
Elzar: I really appreciate that, mister mayor's aide. Here you go. Compliments of the house.
Leela: Wow! Free bread at a restaurant? Is there anything you can't do?
Chaz: I can't fail the mayor. Not ever.
Fry: Oh, jeez! Better not let Leela see me.
Leela: Hey, I hear Fry. Boy, am I glad you're here.
Fry: You are? So things aren't working out with whatshisname?
Leela: Actually ... they are! Confidentially, I might not make it back to my apartment tonight! Could you walk Nibbler for me?
Fry: Um ... uh...
Leela: And bring a baggy in case he drops a steamer. Have a great night!
Fry: Oh, no! Please! No! Perfect!
Smitty: Whoa! Smells like a 289 in progress.
Url: Failure to scoop. Aw, yeah!
Fry: Wait! I'm trying. It weighs as much as a thousand suns.
Chaz: Don't worry, Fry. I'll pull some strings - see if I can't get you tried as a juvenile.
Leela: Oh, Chaz!
Fry: I'm as worthless as this trash can.
Trash Can: You think I'm as worthless as you? Try catching garbage in your head and raising six kids, you dumb townie!
Fry: Oh, Nibbler, at least I'm important to you. Even if it's only 'cause I clean up you poop.
Nibbler: The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance.
Fry: D-D-Did you just talk?
Nibbler: Indeed. And I have other amazing powers as well.
Fry: Like what?
Fry: Are you my mommy?
Nibbler: Negative.
Fiona: Welcome, Lord Nibbler.
Nibbler: Welcome acknowledged. I bring with me ... the Mighty One.
Fry: Eh?
Ken: At last, our centuries upon centuries of waiting have achieved fruition.
Fry: Aw! Aren't you a fuzzy wittle guy?
Ken: Stop that! Uh, please. Your Mightiness-
Fry: Mightiness? Are you off your nut? I just got kidnapped by a bunch of guinea pigs.
Ken: Does he not know?
Nibbler: He does not know.
Fiona: He knows not?
Nibbler: Knows not does he.
Nibblonian: Not he know-
Ken: Enough! Fry, it is my duty to inform you that the fate of humanity, the fate of our race, indeed the fate of all that exists and ever will exist rests with you. You are the single most important person in the universe.
Fry: Oh, snap!
Nibbler: On this auspicious occasion, let the horn of eternity cut a thunderous blast.
Fiona: The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun.
Nibblonian: You gonna eat that?
Fry: Maybe later.
Ken: The time has come to discuss matters of the gravest importance.
Nibbler: Fry, do you remember some months ago when the Earth was attacked by flying brains?
Fry: Hmm. I remember the square-dancing stomachs. Although that might have been a Mylanta commercial. Wait! The brains! I do remember! But no one else does. They said I was crazy.
Ken: On the contrary. You remember because you were the only one immune to the Brains' mental attack.
Fry: Because I'm so smart?
Ken: Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity is due to the fact that you lack the delta brainwave. It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather.
Fry: I did do the nasty in the past-y!
Nibbler: Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains. You are the last hope of the universe.
Fry: So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct?
Ken: Yes. Except the Dave Matthews Band doesn't rock.
Nibbler: For a thousand years, the evil Brains have been constructing the Infosphere, a giant memory bank twice the size of three ordinary memory banks.
Fry: What's so evil about that?
Fiona: They plan to collect all the information in the universe and store it in the sphere.
Fry: So they're trying to learn things?
Fiona: Right.
Fry: Those bastards!
Nibbler: Being Brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon they will.
Fry: I'm as mad as I've ever been.
Ken: Once their task is complete, they will ensure that no new information arises in the only way possible By destroying the universe.
Fry: Now it's personal.
Fiona: Your mission is to infiltrate the Infosphere and plant this quantum-interface bomb, blasting them into an alternate universe from which there is no return.
Nibbler: Then outrun the blast on this Scooty-Puff Jr.
Fry: OK, let's go through this once more-
Fry: Brains!
Ken: Fear not, Mighty One. Your missing brainwave makes you invisible to them, so long as you avoid intense thinking.
Fry: Sorry, what? I wasn't paying attention.
Ken: That is most wise.
Fry: Who?
Ken: In a few seconds, the Brain will finish scanning the last bits of information in the universe.
Infosphere: Beavers mate for life; 11 greater than 4; for quality carpets, visit Kaplan's carpet warehouse.
Ken: Now the Infosphere will open its protective crust so as to scan itself, completing its thousand year task.
Fiona: This is your one chance to enter the sphere. Scoot! Scoot now!
Fry: I'm at the input console. I'm a little nervous and I've got brain in my buttcrack.
Nibbler: Roger.
Ken: Once you press the detonator, you will have 60 seconds for an exciting escape.
Fry: Hey, wait. This brain knows everything about everything, right?
Ken: It will soon. That's why you're supposed to be setting off a bomb.
Fry: Yeah, yeah. But I can't pass up a chance to learn the answers to the greatest questions of all time. Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-
Huge Brain: Correct. Toad mucus.
Ken: There's no time for this. Activate the bomb.
Fry: Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs?
Huge Brain: Me!
Computer Voice: Unauthorized data access.
Fry: Uh-oh!
Big Brain: Detecting trace amounts of mental activity. Possibly a dead weasel or a cartoon viewer.
Fry: Ew! Gross. Cut it out!
Brain #1: Odd. He is immune to our psionic attack.
Brain #2: Impossible! We're an ambitious young squad with everything to prove.
Big Brain: It appears we are in the presence of the fabled one. But without his Scooty-Puff Jr., he cannot escape. Huh?
Brain #2: A quantum-interface bomb? Are you insane in the membrane?
Fry: You got it, poindexter!
Brain #1: Oh, not good!
Computer Voice: Detonation in T-60 Earth seconds.
Brain #3: You fool! You'll be transported to the other universe with us. Trapped there for all eternity.
Brain #1: And we'll form a tightly-knit clique that you won't be part of!
Fry: Well at least I did one important thing with my life Leading good to victory over evil!
Nibbler: Yay!
Ken: Exactly!
Big Brain: The Nibblonians? Good? Ha! During your last moments in this universe perhaps you should query our database concerning the night of December 31st, 1999.
Fry: The day I got frozen? What about it?
Nibbler: No! Don't ask about that! It-It would be, uh ... boring!
Fry: Ah, forget it then.
Big Brain: Query!
Fry: OK! Sheesh! What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31st, 1999?
Huge Brain: Clarification request Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squidworld 97A?
Big Brain: Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up!
Fry: Hello? Pizza delivery for ... ... Icy Wiener? Aw, crud!
Fry: Eurgh! I can't believe how fat I look! Aw, Nibbler's there. Wait! What?
Fry: What the-
Fry: I- I don't understand. You made me go in the freezer tube?
Computer Voice: Detonation in T-15 seconds.
Fry: You little runts froze me! You took away my life!
Nibbler: We can explain!
Fry: No, you can't. Shut your adorable trap!
Nibbler: We had no choice. You were the only one who could help us. What is one life weighed against the entire universe?
Fry: But it was my life.
Computer Voice: Detonation in two, one. Will the owner of a white Pontiac Firebird- Oh, never mind. Zero!
Big Brain: Well, here we are. Trapped for eternity.
Brain #2: We could sing American Pie.
Fry: Go ahead. I deserve it. I wish those stupid racoons had never brought me to the future.
Huge Brain: I have shocking data relevant to this conversation.
Big Brain: We don't care, you dope! We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore.
Huge Brain: It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life on December 31st, 1999.
Fry: Really? I can go back in time?
Huge Brain: There is a nexus point between universes at the space-time where you entered the cryogenic tube. You and only you can return there.
Big Brain: Interesting. You could stop the Nibblonian from pushing you into the cryogenic tube.
Fry: That is interesting. Why?
Big Brain: It would be as if you never came to the future. You will have your life back and we will succeed in our plan to understand and destroy the universe.
Fry: Everybody wins!
Brain #2: The human will be returned to the past!
Narrator: Meanwhile.
Leela: I love rocket skating! But the wait is always so long. Poor Fry once stood in line for six hours just to get me a ticket.
Chaz: Six hours? Pft! Sounds like a real nobody! But now it's time for somebody and some chick he's with to go skating.
Leela: You reserved the whole rink?
Chaz: Yup. Buzzed ahead, let 'em know whose aide was coming by. The mayor's, that's whose.
Leela: Oh, Chaz!
Sally: Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating.
Vogel: No, we're not important enough. Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut.
Leela: Aw, let's let those kids skate with us.
Chaz: What? Seriously? I'm trying to impress you with my clout here.
Leela: I know, and it's working. But think how much skating would mean to those kids.
Nina: We came here instead of eating today.
Leela: This may be their only chance to skate in their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't?
Chaz: The mayor's aide, and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections!
Vogel: Alright, little ones, back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks.
Sally: What socks?
Chaz: So am I gonna get lucky tonight or what?
Fry: I hope your calculations are correct.
Big Brain: Our calculations are always correct. For we are gigantic brains.
Brain #2: Initiate space-time transfer.
Nibbler: I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza.
Panucci: One pie, nothing good on it. Name?
Nibbler: I-period-C-period-Wiener.
Panucci: Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on you or something.
Fry: Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh ... Icy Wiener? Aw, crud!
Fry: Gotcha!
Nibbler: I don't understand.
Fry: Yes, you do! You came back in time to knock me into that freezer and now I came back in time to stop you.
Nibbler: I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability.
Fry: But ... I know you in the future. I-I cleaned your poop.
Nibbler: Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.
Fry: Not if you don't freeze me.
Nibbler: Please. Our saviours foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long I must freeze you now.
Fry: Well, why couldn't you just ask me?
Nibbler: We were afraid you would refuse.
Fry: Of course not. I love the future.
Nibbler: Then why are you choking me right now?
Fry: Because I don't like being used.
Nibbler: Well now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving?
Fry: Hm. Leela. But she doesn't think much of me.
Nibbler: Ah, she must be The Other.
Fry: What?
Nibbler: You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Vergon 6. But, if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can.
Crowd: Ten, nine, eight, seven...
Fry: You really think I would have had a chance with Leela?
Nibbler: You must choose The present or the future? To save yourself or to save Leela.
Crowd: One.
Fry: Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no! Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Infosphere again! Just remember that Scooty-Puff Jr. sucks.
Nibbler: In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.
Narrator: And so, a thousand years later, Fry once again infiltrated the Infosphere and set off his amazing bomb. Only this time...
Nibbler: Thank you for saving the universe, Fry. Here.
Fry: Whoa, thanks! If you ever need a saviour again, just ask.
Nibbler: Oh, we will. We will.
Fry: Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened.
Nibbler: Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover so I'm blanking your memory.
Fry: Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well. Let's go home, you dumb poop machine.
Leela: Bender, would you do the honours?
Bender: With gusto.
Fry: Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for you.
Leela: Oh. Thank you. You know what, Fry? I don't care if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now.
Fry: Then I am the most important person in the universe.
Fry: Yes!


Shatner: Shatner's log, airdate ... unknown.
Shatner: The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I have witnessed. So, settle in. It all began-
Zapp: Quiet, you! This court martial is now in session. The honourably sexy Zapp Brannigan residing. Bring in the accused.
Takei: Oh, my!
Zapp: Philip J. Fry, you stand accused of travelling to the forbidden planet, Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges?
Kif: One beep for "yes", two beeps for "no".
Zapp: "Yes". So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double "yes". Guilty! I will now carry out the punishment. Kif, my gun.
Leela: Wait! He pled "not guilty".
Zapp: Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.
Leela: The Professor said he was taking a brief nap, so we only have time for six movies.
Bender: Let's take these six Jim Carrey movies and record over them.
Fry: You know what movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies!
Clerk: Everybody hit the deck!
Leela: Sh! Those words are forbidden!
Fry: What words? Star Trek?
Leela: Sh!
Zoidberg: Shut your gills!
Bender: That sound! It's patrol car 718! Hide him!
Zapp: The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words from someone with a sexily seductive voice.
Takei: With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars.
Zapp: You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans?
Nichols: No, that was the Star Wars trek. By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems into a full-blown religion.
Priest: And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship where they would be no Tribble at all.
Congregation: All power to the engines.
Nichols: As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movements power. And so the Trekkies were executed in the manner most befitting virgins.
Man: He's dead, Jim! He's dead, Jim! He's dead, Jim!
Nichols: Finally, the sacred texts were banned.
Takei: The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies were dumped on the forbidden world, Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way.
Nimoy: Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory.
Bender: Another classic science-fiction show cancelled before its time.
Zapp: I've never heard of such a brutal and shocking injustice that I cared so little about. Next witness.
Kif: Bender the robot, please take the stand.
Fry: She's all yours, buddy!
Bender: I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good.
Zapp: Please use the beeps.
Fry: Mr. Nimoy, I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned.
Nimoy: I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.
Fry: You know. 1966? 79 episodes, about 30 good ones.
Nimoy: Oh, really, I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-
Fry: Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around?
Nimoy: No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one man show about Vincent van Spock- Uh, uh, I mean van Gogh! Damn!
Fry: Aha! You can't escape it!
Nimoy: Oh, you're right, I can't.
Fry: Uh, jeez, don't get upset. I mean, OK, I outwitted you, but-
Nimoy: No, it's my fellow cast members. 300 years ago they left Earth behind.
Shatner: This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard.
Nimoy: Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that.
Shatner: Very well, my friend.
Nimoy: Why did the world turn it's back on our obvious greatness?
Fry: I'm literally angry with rage! Your co-stars may be gone but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see. Come on!
Nimoy: Oh!
Frakes: Yes! Front row!
Leela: You can't go to Omega 3; it's forbidden! I forbid you!
Fry: But we have to! The world needs Star Trek to give people hope for the future.
Leela: But it's set 800 years in the past!
Bender: Yeah, why is this so important to you?
Fry: 'Cause it-it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it made me feel like maybe I did.
Leela: Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone.
Bender: I'll go too, with Leonard's permission, of course.
Leela: We're entering the Omega system.
Computer Voice: Warning You are now in forbidden space.
Bender: Forbidden shmer-shmidden! What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared!
Leela: I've lost control of the ship!
Fry: Oh, dip!
Nimoy: Dip, indeed!
Fry: It's all stuff from that forbidden show.
Nimoy: So many cardboard sets, so many memories. If only the others-
Shatner: I guess that's my cue.
Nimoy: Bill!
Shatner: L-Dog!
Nimoy: Hey! This is wonderful!
Shatner: Oh, man.
Nimoy: I feel like hugging you.
Shatner: Well I would except you have no body! And we're both men.
Nimoy: Nichelle! George! Walter! DeForest! Welshie!
Fry: Welshie?
Nichols: We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200's but the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodelling.
Takei: Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant in our escapades.
Fry: I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here?
Shatner: We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.
Koenig: When we woke up, we had these bodies.
Fry: Say it in Russian!
Koenig: Ven vee voke up vee had these wodies.
Fry: Now say "nuclear wessels"!
Koenig: No!
Takei: You'll love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs!
Bender: Yowza!
Leela: But who's doing all this for you?
Shatner: You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities - we're used to this sort of treatment.
Melllvar: It is I!
Bender: Whoa! What a cheesy effect!
Melllvar: I am not an effect! You doubt my power?
Bender: I do.
Welshie: Aye!
Fry: Welshie!
Zapp: This court will now hear some very sensual testimony from this court's ex-lover, Turanga Leela.
Leela: Go yourself.
Melllvar: Behold another power, different from the one you saw earlier.
Nimoy: Hey, a body! Buff, tan. Yeah, this is mine, alright!
Fry: Alright, you gas, what's the deal?
Melllvar: Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew rained down upon my planet. Over and over, I watched them. Especially the five with the energy beings. I am Melllvar! Seer of the tapes, knower of the episodes! Tremble before my encyclopaedic knowledge of Star Trek!
Fry: Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me!
Melllvar: I beg to differ. Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last, we can begin.
Fry: Cool! A Star Trek convention!
Nimoy: Uh, Melllvar, can you give us some idea of how long this is going to last?
Melllvar: Until time stops.
Leela: What?
Shatner: He can't do this!
Nimoy: You can't be serious!
Melllvar: Now, we have a full schedule of events-
Bender: Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave?
Koenig: Good question!
Melllvar: No, you have to stay even longer.
Melllvar: Um, uh, sign it to Melllvar. "Melllvar" has three "L's".
Takei: I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell "Melllvar".
Bender: Say "nerd"!
All: Nerd!
Shatner: I'm Slim Shady, Yes, I'm the real Shady, All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating, So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up.
Koenig: How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song?
Melllvar: He found a way.
Leela: For one hundred quatloos Who did the captain maroon on Ceti Alpha V?
Shatner: Khaaan!
Fry: Uh ... Khan?
Leela: Correct.
Melllvar: My button has broken. The trivia contest has ended. I-I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script, written by the ultimate Trek fan.
Fry: You have my fan script?
Melllvar: I meant me! Melllvar is the ultimate fan!
Fry: Oh, I was confused because the scoreboard says something different.
Melllvar: Trivia contest over! Take your scripts! We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share.
Leela: Uh, you probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending.
Melllvar: That's right! The ending must not be ruined.
Leela: We'll go wait in the ship.
Melllvar: OK.
Fry: Not till I get my 600 quatloos!
Fry: This is wrong. We shouldn't have abandoned them there.
Bender: I dunno, I'm feeling pretty good about it.
Leela: I didn't wanna leave them either, Fry, but what are we supposed to do?
Fry: Well, usually on the show someone would come up with a complicated plan then explain it with a simple analogy.
Leela: Hmm. If we can re-route engine power through the primary weapons and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure.
Bender: Like putting too much air in a balloon!
Fry: Of course! It's so simple!
Shatner: Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman, is ... disabled. Oh, Lord!
Nimoy: Fascinating, Captain, and logical too, that we need some help.
Takei: Look, Captain, Melllvar will help us.
Koenig: Keptin, I wope he will welp our ... vessel.
Melllvar: Wessel! You're not acting hard enough!
Nimoy: Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV I got a magnificent performance out of Bill because I respected him so much.
Shatner: And when I directed Star Trek V I got a magnificent performance out of me, because I respected me so much!
Bender: OK! I'm done re-kafoobling the energy motron ... or whatever.
Leela: Fire!
Nichols: My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you. Hey, you wrote it!
Leela: It's not working! He's drawing straight from our weapons.
Fry: Like a balloon and ... something bad happens.
Bender: Yup!
Leela: So, uh, how's rehearsal going?
Melllvar: Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them.
Nimoy: Hey! We've done heroic things too.
Nichols: Yeah! In the third season I kissed Shatner!
Melllvar: Silence! My whole world has turned upside-down. I have but one option.
Koenig: Keep them and let us go?
Melllvar: No! To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion I shall pit you together against each other in armed combat ... to the death!
Bender: Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that?
Melllvar: Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77.
Fry: Great list. Except, you forgot episode 66!
Melllvar: I was getting to that one!
Zapp: So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived.
Leela: Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired!
Melllvar: This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons Whatever you can find. But I warn you, do nothing until I have signalled the start of combat. OK, start.
Koenig: I don't have much experience at fighting - except with you guys.
Shatner: I have an idea. Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy?
Nimoy: You mean Doohan?
Shatner: Whoever it was, I did it like this.
Takei: Ow!
Shatner: My foot's cold!
Leela: There. We can make these into spears.
Fry: And we can tie these caterpillars together to make bow strings for bows and arrows.
Bender: And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw! That was fun!
Nichols: What if I distract them with my famous fan dance?
Shatner: Oh, that's good, good, good, good. And then, George, you give them a karate chop!
Takei: I find that offensive. Just because I'm of Japanese ancestry you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I've studied karate?
Shatner: Well, no, but you never talk about yourself.
Takei: Maybe if you showed a little interest.
Fry: Well, here goes nothing.
Nichols: Hello, boys!
Bender: Whoa!
Takei: Hi-yah!
Shatner: There's no right way to hit a woman.
Leela: Then do it the wrong way.
Shatner: Fine. Yah!
Leela: Is that all you've got? Hi-yah!
Shatner: See you in h-
Bender: Come on, Walter!
Nimoy: Take that!
Fry: It hurts!
Nimoy: Let's see if this actually works! Hm. Ow! Ow! Ow!
Koenig: My face!
Takei: Ow! My face too!
Shatner: May I? Oh!
Melllvar: Excellent! Excellent!
Shatner: Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers. Can't we resolve our differences some other way?
Melllvar'S Mother: Melllvar! Dinner time!
Melllvar: Aw, but Mom, I'm playing with my collectables!
Melllvar'S Mother: Now!
Fry: All this time we thought he was a powerful super-being, yet he was just a child.
Melllvar'S Mother: He's not a child, he's 34!
Bender: Alright, Koenig, I've wanted to do this for years!
Fry: Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape, before Melllvar comes back. But we all need to work together.
Shatner: I love you so much!
Nimoy: Hello?
Fry: We've decided to work together.
Nimoy: Uh, so did they.
Shatner: Now, how do we escape?
Leela: We can't use our ship; we have life support but the engines are wrecked.
Takei: Ironic, because our engines work but our life support systems don't.
Leela: Hey, if your engines work-
Takei: And your life support systems work-
Fry: Stop! You're just goin' around in circles! Think, Fry, think! Everyone's depending on you.
Leela: We're too heavy. You guys need to lose some weight, fast!
Fry: Look, Leonard, we're light enough to keep the tapes! Isn't that great?
Nimoy: I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.
Fry: We did it!
Fry: Melllvar's got a spaceship!
Melllvar: Yes, in mint condition. And you made me take it out of the package!
Leela: The Nimbus! We're saved!
Zapp: You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded.
Zapp: So I boarded you, eh? What happened next?
Leela: You started this stupid court martial. Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar!
Leela: One more hit and we're done for!
Takei: Let's take 'em out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like "destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-"
Bender: Thanks a lot, Takei, now everybody knows!
Melllvar: If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will! Prepare to die!
Fry: Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you wanna kill them?
Melllvar: Because I ... I ... I dunno what I'd do without them.
Fry: Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig After Star Trek, he became an actor.
Koenig: Not just an actor, but a well-rounded person, with my own friends and credit cards and keys.
Melllvar: Well, I guess I could move out of my parents' basement ... maybe get a temp job.
Fry: Whoa, whoa! One step at a time.
Melllvar: I thank you, Fry. You know, you and I are of a kind. In a different reality I could have called you "friend".
Fry: Episode 10, Balance of Terror.
Melllvar: More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!
Shatner: I wonder, my friends, was he really such an evil energy gas?
Nichols: He did give us eternal youth.
Koenig: 24-hour Laundromat.
Takei: A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular.
Nimoy: Truly, it was a paradise.
Fry: And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan.
Shatner: Let's get the hell outta here!


Bender: A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, he slices! Into the water! Oh, man! Boy, I tell you, buddy!
Farnsworth: Bad news, everyone. You're not good enough to go on your next mission.
Fry: Hooray!
Bender: Not good enough!
Leela: Why? Says who?
Farnsworth: Because. And says me. It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew. And you're not nearly as good as them.
Fry: Woo-hoo!
Bender: We live to suck another day!
Leela: We're just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission?
Farnsworth: Collecting honey. Ordinary honey.
Leela: That doesn't sound so dangerous.
Farnsworth: This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neuro-toxin can cause instant death.
Hermes: And that's if you're not allergic. You don't wanna know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no!
Farnsworth: Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science fair volcano.
Hermes: I didn't want to know!
Farnsworth: These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly.
Fry: Larger than an American sedan? How big is the honeycomb?
Hermes: Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bender: It's not small?
Hermes: No, no, no.
Leela: It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys.
Fry: But, Leela, we're no good.
Leela: Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself.
Fry: I'm not scared of that at all.
Leela: Now, bees communicate by dancing.
Fry: Like my parents! Oh, wait, that was hitting.
Leela: So this language cartridge will let you distract them.
Bender: Ah, good. I often have thoughts and feelings that can only be expressed through dance. You stink. Bender's great. Deal with it.
Leela: Bender, quick! Waggle something!
Bender: Uh ... Hello, fellow bees. How's the abdomen? Swollen with nectar, I trust?
Bee: Duh!
Fry: Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out.
Leela: Relax. Everything'll be fine.
Fry: Oh, my God! The old Planet Express ship.
Leela: There's the black box.
Man: Captain, the bees have us surrounded! Oh, the Professor was right. We're not as good as his old crew!
Captain: Well I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to- OH, LORD!!
Leela: Uh, couldn't make that out. Too much static.
Bender: Ew!
Leela: We found it! The honeycomb hideout.
Fry: Hey, what's this goop?
Leela: Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen.
Fry: Bees make honey and jelly? Huh. How come nothing humans make tastes good? Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know!
Leela: Look! It's a baby queen! Aw, she's so cute! You adorable wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy-
Fry: Leela! Stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants!
Leela: I'm taking this bee with us. With a queen we can build a hive and make more honey ourselves. Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go.
Bender: Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks. I didn't mean you're all fat. Just fatso there.
Bee: He insulted our fat queen!
Queen: You try keeping your figure after 10,000 kids!
Leela: This is where we distinguish ourselves from the last crew. Activate emergency high-speed self-contained escape pack crisis response unit. Quick!
Leela: Good luck, Bender!
Bender: I'm back, baby!
Fry: We made it! We're alive!
Leela: Burn on that old crew! The only things they did better than us were suck and die!
Fry: Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you.
Leela: Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away.
Fry: Look out! You want her, you're gonna have to go through me!
Leela: You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry?! He's... he's dead!
Bender: Who will make Bender waffles just the way he likes them now?
Leela: It was all my fault! He died because of me!
Farnsworth: No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better!
Labarbara: Husband, can't you go anywhere without lighting something up?
Hermes: It's an old Jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his timecard. That way his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.
Amy: He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's clammed full of sawdust and preservatives.
Zoidberg: I only wish I could have removed the stinger.
Changstein El Gamahl: I barely knew Philip. But, as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him.
Hermes: Soothe us with sweet lies.
Changstein El Gamahl: It may comfort you to know Fry's death took only 15 seconds. Yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years. And it goes without saying it caused him to empty his bowels. We now commend Fry's body to the ages.
Amy: He's walking on sunshine now.
Farnsworth: This makes me the oldest member of my family.
Kug: Him do good snu-snu.
Bender: All those times I said "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper "except one". Fry was that one. And I never told him so!
Terry: Farewell, from the world of tomorrow!
Leela: They say a spoonful of space honey helps ease the pain. Mmm... It's good. I feel funny. Ha-ha funny!
Fry: Leela?
Leela: Fry? I thought you were dead.
Fry: Nope, I'm better than ever. Before the accident I couldn't do this!
Leela: Impressive! But it does sorta support my you-are-dead theory.
Fry: Then I'll prove I'm alive, by telling you something only I could know. There's a surprise for you in my locker. I got it at a Swedish novelty shop before we left.
Leela: It's too beautiful to open. Can I open it?
Fry: Sure. There's just one thing I want you to do.
Leela: What?
Fry: I want you to wake up.
Leela: Wake up? But I'm not-
Leela: In my dream Fry said he hid a gift for me in his locker. If it's true then he must still exist in some form.
Farnsworth: Of course he still exists As a frozen corpse in outer space! Oh, I made myself sad.
Leela: Well, here goes.
Zoidberg: Bupkis!
Bender: Well, I feel better now. Pawning all the stuff in Fry's locker helped give me closure.
Leela: Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me?
Bender: No. Nothing. Not at all. No way, José! Here it is.
Leela: You took this from Fry's locker?
Bender: Hey, the guy's dead! There's no law against grave robbing.
Leela: That proves it. Fry is alive somewhere and he's reaching me in my dreams.
Farnsworth: Bull pies!
Farnsworth: Lay down here and we'll do some tests. If Fry is out there then Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board.
Leela: Is this some sort of brain scanner?
Farnsworth: Some sort, yes. In France it's called a guillotine.
Leela: Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it?
Farnsworth: Yes, easily.
Bender: Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? Y'know like Julia Roberts?
Farnsworth: Well, I suppose there's a slim- I don't believe it!
Leela: What is it? Is Fry alive in some other dimension or something?
Farnsworth: No. According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back. Remarkable!
Leela: But ... my dream. Your science can't unprove that! How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker?
Hermes: Easy! He told you about it before he died and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out.
Leela: Are you saying I'm going crazy?
Farnsworth: No, no! No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.
Fry: Hi, Leela! I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Leela: Shut up! I can hear you. The Professor says you're just a dream.
Fry: Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden?
Leela: Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you.
Fry: Then what if we shared a sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion?
Leela: Oh, Fry! You must be alive; I've never been treated so romantically by my own imagination before.
Fry: Here, take my jacket. You look a little cold.
Leela: Thank you. It's all so beautiful. I forgot how many hundreds of degrees below zero it must be. I just wish I could convince the others you're alive.
Fry: You can. All you have to do is wake up.
Leela: No, no! Don't say that! This is real!
Leela: Not another dream! Fry's jacket! The one he was buried in! My dream was real! He's alive!
Petunia: Quit your bragging! My boyfriend's alive too! Not 'nymore!
Bender: That's better!
Leela: Fry's alive! I have proof!
Amy: No way!
Farnsworth: You lie!
Bender: You do not!
Hermes: I'm from Jamaica, the "Show Me" island. So show me you're blowing it out your fanny.
Leela: But he gave me his jacket. Look.
Farnsworth: That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket is red. That's your jacket. An off-the-rack, lime green affair.
Leela: But Fry- His jacket- And when I woke up it was on me.
Hermes: You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it off.
Leela: I am not under stress, damnit!
Amy: Everything's going to be alright, Leela.
Leela: What?
Amy: I said everything's going to be alright.
Leela: Oh. Maybe I am freaking out a little.
Bender: A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita. And she's a screw!
Leela: I need to calm down. I'd better take some more of that space honey.
Farnsworth: You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile!
Zoidberg: One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls and you'll go into a sleep so deep you'll never wake up. Never!
Hermes: Never!
Bender: Never!
Leela: One spoonful to calm me down. OK, I've got a pretty good calm going! Two spoonfuls to help me sleep. Uh-oh, still awake. I guess one more spoonful couldn't hurt. Oh, my gosh! I'd better get a sponge. Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge!
Fry: Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?
Farnsworth: Incredible! According to the gizmometer, Fry touched the royal jelly in the space hive, leaving an imprint of his DNA and brainwaves. Then, when it spilled on the couch, it recombined with trace amounts of Fry's hair and skin-
Bender: And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood!
Farnsworth: Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being.
Fry: Neat!
Bender: This is great! My buddy's alive and his credit cards are valid again. Let's go get hammered!
Zoidberg: I should warn you, I'm a mean drunk.
Leela: Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you.
Fry: Me too.
Leela: Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is alright.
Fry: Uh, not everything.
Leela: What? What do you mean?
Fry: You have to wake up.
Leela: Wake up? Oh, no! No! It can't be!
Leela: Pooh!
Leela: I'm cracking up. In my dreams I'm happy because Fry is alive. But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me.
Hermes: Oh, take it easy, Leela.
Amy: In every life we have some trouble.
Bender: But when you worry, you make it double.
Amy And Bender: Don't worry! Bee happy!
Farnsworth: The landlord says your rent is late.
Hermes: He might have to litigate.
Bender: But don't worry!
Bee: Bee-
Farnsworth: Happy!
Zoidberg: Ain't got no cash, Ain't got no style, Ladies vomit when I smile, But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish!
Bee: Bee-
Zoidberg: Happy!
Hermes: Don't worry now, Amy!
Amy: OK! I'm happy!
Bender: Take us home, Bender! Don't worry!
Bee: Bee-
Bender: Happy!
Leela: Uh, were you just singing?
Bender: No, I was telling you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.
Leela: I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.
Leela: OK, it's just an ordinary coffin. Containing my ordinary dead friend, who I killed.
Leela: What happened? Why am I in my apartment?
Farnsworth, Zoidberg, Hermes, Amy And Bender: You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry ...!
Leela: Stop it! Stop it!
Bender: You killed Fry!
Leela: OK, I'm insane! But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel alright is in my dreams, with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever. One. Two Here goes. Goodbye, waking world.
Fry'S Photo: Leela! No! Listen to me, you don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable and do nothing the rest of your life. I've tried it. Bedsores hurt!
Leela: Then what am I s'posed to do?
Fry'S Photo: Fight it!
Leela: I can't!
Fry'S Photo: You can! The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily.
Leela: OK. I'll try. Go away!
Fry'S Photo: I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I wanna tell you. I love you.
Leela: I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do.
Fry'S Photo: Just wake up, Leela. Please. Just wake up.
Leela: I don't understand what you mean!
Fry: Just wake up. Please. Just wake up, Leela.
Leela: Fry. You're alive!
Fry: Leela! You're awake!
Leela: Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I?
Fry: In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you.
Leela: But the bee stung you. It barely touched me.
Fry: The stinger went right through me and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle.
Hermes: Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!
Bender: You were in the best coma I've ever seen!
Amy: The doctor said you'd never wake up.
Leela: Really? How long was I out?
Amy: Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute.
Zoidberg: And he talked non-stop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was!
Fry: I though that maybe if you heard a familiar voice it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through.
Leela: It got through, Fry. It got through.
Leela: You could really use a shower.
Fry: You too!


Tv Commentator: Welcome to the games of the 3004 Earth Olympiad. Continuing this network's tradition of sports-casting excellence. Celebrity Ape Fight will return next week at its regular time.
Fry: So who should I root for? America or one of those countries I learned about at the food court?
Amy: How 'bout those guys?
Leela: No, they're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them.
Farnsworth: Oh, let's go check on Hermes. All this inspiring multi-culturalism is angrying up my blood. Sweden? I don't think so!
Hermes: Go on, stick, touch me! Can't do it!
Labarbara: Husband, you haven't been an Olympic-class limbo-er for 20 years! Quit lying to your podgy self.
Leela: It does seem like Jamaica will be able to field a strong limbo team without you.
Amy: Yeah, isn't that basically all Jamaicans do?
Hermes: Jamaicans have other interests. Which is why the limbo team got detained at the airport.
Labarbara: That's when they begged my husband to step in and make an ass out of himself.
Hermes: And I said I'd try my very best.
Fry: But have they seen your ... y'know ... physique, since the old days?
Hermes: I described it to them on the phone ... using a series of artful euphemisms.
Farnsworth: Don't worry. The fat pig will do fine thanks to this flabbo-dynamic spandex bodysuit I've designed. It redistributes his weight, shifting his centre of gravity closer to his knees.
Hermes: Ooh, that's snug! Oh, those haven't descended in years.
Farnsworth: Now that's a limbo-er's body!
Labarbara: Look at that fine Jamaican bacon!
Bender: Shut up, Zoidberg! The robot bending events are starting. Something tells me I could easily beat those trained professionals. Wow! That guy must be like the world's greatest bender. My dreams of glory died before they began.
Zoidberg: Welcome to my life!
Female Announcer: Athletes, please take your lanes for the men's 500 metre limbo.
Barbados Slim: Hermes Conrad, is that you inside that dumpy little fat man?
Hermes: Barbados Slim! What are you doing here? Last time I heard you were in Barbados.
Barbados Slim: Yes and I be going back there with a gold medal draped around my elegant Caribbean shoulders.
Hermes: Your body may be as perfectly-sculpted as it was 20 years ago when you whupped my fat ass every time we met. But today, I feel lucky.
Barbados Slim: I see you're still able to limbo under the bar of fashion sense!
Hermes: That's it, Barbados Slim. You've gone one toke over the line!
Man: Limbo-ers, on your marks. Get rubbery. Limbo!
Commentator: There they go, and Barbados Slim takes an early lead. God, I hope he wins. What's this? Hermes Conrad is closing the gap. He's limbo-ed out of retirement and straight into my heart. I say go to hell, Barbados Slim!
Farnsworth: Go, bodysuit, go!
Zoidberg: Go!
Bender: C'mon!
Labarbara: C'mon, Hermes, beat that mahogany god!
Commentator: It's Barbados, then Conrad. Conrad pulls ahead! And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold!
Labarbara: Aw, there, there, Hermes. You did your best. If I'd wanted a human Adonis for a husband, I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim.
Bender: Well, enough about Hermes. I couldn't win a medal either. Even at bending, the thing I was built to do. I'm so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead.
Female Announcer: Up next, the Fembot bending competition.
Bender: Fembots? Methinks a clever Manbot suitably disguised might win those events! But the charade would require subtlety, nuance, grace.
Bender: What do you mean I'm not registered? My name is Coilette and I'm from, uh ... Robonia! Coilette's a chick's name!
Official: Yes but "Robonia" sounds like something somebody made up on the spot.
Bender: Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick?
Commentator: And it's straight! Coilette wins!
Commentator: Another gold medal for the spunky maid from Robonia.
Commentator: A perfect bend and a flawless entry. No splash at all! Perfect scores! A record five gold medals for Coilette!
Bender: I'm great! Everybody else sucks! Except that guy Bender. He's really somethin'!
Female Announcer: All medallists report for gender testing.
Leela: You actually thought they'd let you walk away without an engine oil sex check?
Bender: Oh, God, I'm not gonna get my medals! They're all I have to remember my Olympic career. Wait, I've got it! Professor, make a woman out of me!
Farnsworth: Oh, I think we should just stay friends.
Bender: I don't need friends. I need a sex change operation and give it to me now!
Farnsworth: Bender, a robot sex change is a complex and dangerous procedure. Replacing your testosteroil with Fembot lubricants can cause wild mood swings. And the effects may be irreversible. Well, let's get started!
Leela: No, you can't!
Amy: If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women-
Bender: Pft.
Farnsworth: I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this. Not for you, not for Bender, but for the proud people of Robonia!
Bender: C'mon!
Fry: I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy and wrong and sick. However, I will watch out of curiosity.
Farnsworth: Quiet! I'm about to begin the process of reshaping Bender's body into a tender, delicate form.
Farnsworth: Draining male oil. Infusing female oil. Removing item.
Robot: We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damnit. I have to get home to watch The Zombie Osbournes.
Coilette: I'm ready for my test now, boys.
Coilette: Hail, hail, Robonia. A land I didn't make up.
Coilette: Ooh, yeah! Come on, baby! Boom!
Coilette: Oh, yeah, baby! C'mon! Work your cans! That's it! Shake it out!
Leela: I don't know which I'm more Enraged or disgusted.
Coilette: I'm just out there making us ladies look good.
Amy: Snuh-uh! You're making us look like jerks in front of the other genders.
Fry: But you're not really a lady anyway. Right?
Coilette: Of course not.
Farnsworth: Dear Lord! A coaster! The Femmzoil must be sachet-ing girlishly into your processor.
Coilette: Then change me back. My breasts are keeping me awake at night anyway. Hello? What? A guest spot on Late Night With Humorbot 5.0? I'd love to! My own limo? No I don't have my own limo. You'd better send one. I need a rain check on that nad-swap, Professor. I'm going on TV. C'mon, Fry. Help me pick out a pantsuit.
Humorbot 5.0: So, Calculon, do you want to set up this clip from All My Circuits?
Calculon: No, I think it's self-explanatory.
Calculon: Nooo!
Calculon: Funny story The script called for me to say "yes" but I gave it a little twist.
Humorbot 5.0: Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest. Winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia. So, Coilette, many young Fembot's wish to emulate you. Any advice for them?
Coilette: Yes, Humorbot. If you ask me, women today are too stuck up to go out and jiggle their Jello like everybody wants them to. In fact, should I do it now? Alright then! Woo! Look out, baby! Work it out! Ooh, shake that thing! You gotta use it, lady! Shake it up a little! That's right. Come on! Look at that!
Calculon: Madam, I am one impressed celebrity.
Coilette: Oh, I bet you say that to all the five-Olympic-gold medal-winning Fembots!
Calculon: From this day forward I shall do so whenever possible.
Coilette: Golly ... what?
Calculon: Coilette, this may be presumptuous-
Coilette: That's my favourite kind of this!
Calculon: But I would be honoured if you would join me for dinner sometime.
Coilette: Calculon, you'd be fulfilling this naive Robonian farmgirl's fantasy.
Calculon: Of course I would.
Coilette: This top makes me look fat. Is it trampy to go on a first date nude?
Amy: Yes.
Coilette: Perfect.
Fry: You gotta tell me You're not actually attracted to Calculon, right? And if you are, don't tell me. Are you?
Coilette: Certainly not. But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. Is that so much to ask?
Leela: Well I think you dating a Manbot is a disgrace and I refuse to be involved. And you have way too much lipstick on.
Coilette: Are you kidding? I need more lipstick! Much more! Ooh, yeah! That's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on.
Leela: No, they don't.
Amy: No way!
Coilette: Oh, please! Every man wants a tramp. No wonder you girls aren't married. I tell you, men are so much better at being women.
Fry: But what if he wants to- I mean, if he tries to ... uh ... Barry White?
Coilette: I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe!
Hermes: Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you?
Coilette: Look, why don't all of you just back off? Can't a girl enjoy herself without being judged?
Farnsworth: Oh, dear. Her mood swings are getting wilder. She's becoming a slave to her emotions. Just like all women. Particularly you, Leela.
Leela: I'm worried about him too, Professor.
Elzar: Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away! You saved me a trip to the dump. Bam!
Calculon: I'd appreciate it if you didn't bam the young lady.
Elzar: Well, I'd appreciate it if I did. So I guess we're even.
Calculon: You know, Coilette, I've never before met a woman as fascinating as I am. You're such a sweet, soft Fembot. And you have this free spirit about you. And there it is. It's as if you understand the male mind better than I! I've never met anyone like you.
Coilette: Oh, yes, you have.
Calculon: Coilette, I'd like to spend some quality time with you.
Coilette: What? Ah! Whoa! No way! Not gonna happen. What kind of girl do you think I am?
Calculon: Have I mentioned that I own the world's biggest and most elegant yacht?
Coilette: Woo! I'm a trophy girlfriend!
Amy: No kidding. These gifts have been coming non-stop! I think Calculon's falling for you.
Coilette: Bah! Any day now he'll dump me for a new wad of arm candy. And then I can turn back into a guy and hock all this stuff! It's just a game.
Calculon: Coilette, I can't stop thinking about you. I can't sleep at night, although, as a robot, I don't do that anyway. But if I did I couldn't because I love you so. Oh, my darling ... ... Will you marry me?
Coilette: Oh, Calculon! Yes, I will!
Amy: Maybe she's right about the lipstick.
Fry: I'll miss you, buddy. You've been like a brother and then a sister to me. And now you're getting married. I love you, man.
Coilette: The marriage is a scam.
Fry: Cool. What's for dinner?
Leela: What do you mean "a scam"?
Coilette: I marry Calculon, divorce him, take half his money and turn back into a guy. It's sort of a two-person pyramid scheme.
Fry: That's marriage alright!
Leela: That is so unbelievably manipulative.
Coilette: Come on! You never went on a date with a guy just 'cause you were hungry?
Leela: Well I, uh, I thought I might like him on a full stomach.
Coilette: Nice try, sister. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to meet with my wedding planner. Zoidberg. Zoidypoo, please tell me frilly is in this year.
Zoidberg: I saw a frilly cake in here you would remember all your life. I know I will. Late at night it haunts me with its frosted beauty. Order the cake, damnit!
Calculon: I have something for you.
Coilette: A remote control? You got me a TV?
Calculon: No, my dearest, it's the remote control to my heart. It symbolises the power you have to sway my emotions.
Coilette: Will it work on my TV?
Calculon: We don't need TVs, we have each other! Coilette, if I weren't able to spend my life with you I would leap from this very balloon.
Coilette: Come on with that. Really?
Calculon: Yes! We were meant to be.
Coilette: So ... you really and truly love me?
Calculon: So much so that I'm prepared to give up showbusiness itself to be with you.
Coilette: But, you always said you'd rather burn down a convent than give up showbusiness.
Calculon: I always said many things. But now all I want is a peaceful life and a quiet villa overlooking a vineyard ... with you.
Coilette: Would we have donkeys?
Calculon: All you could eat!
Coilette: Oh, take me in your arms and compress me. Compress me tight!
Calculon: Stop! Let us climb to the heavens that the gods themselves might envy us!
Coilette: I just don't think I can go through with this scam.
Amy: What?
Fry: So now you do wanna marry him?
Coilette: No, I just don't wanna hurt him, or humiliate him. Oh, curse this woman's heart!
Fry: Eck!
Farnsworth: You're falling into the final debilitating stages of womanhood. You've waited too long to switch back, you ding bat!
Leela: OK, look. If I help you with this do you promise to get out of my gender and stay out?
Coilette: Uh-huh.
Leela: Alright. Now there's no way to stop this marriage without hurting Calculon. But he's an actor. If there's one kind of pain he can handle, it's soap opera pain.
Leela: OK, is everyone ready?
Fry: Check.
Amy: Uh-huh.
Hermes: Yep!
Zoidberg: Basically.
Preacherbot: Dearly beloved actors and casting people who might be looking for someone to play a preacher, I welcome you. The bride has written some vows that we will now all pretend to be interested in.
Coilette: Dearest Calculon, forever is not enough time to tell you of the many ways I love you.
Hedonismbot: Oh, my!
Calculon: Is there a doctor in the-
Zoidberg: I came as soon as I could. It appears to be a case of African hydraulic fever!
Calculon: Dear God! The very illness my TV character caught in season two when I was holding out for more money. It's often fatal.
Coilette: Whatever happens, remember, the flame of my eternal love will burn forever.
Calculon: Of course. But, smoochiepups, I thought one could only catch hydraulic fever deep in the diamond mines of the Congo.
Leela: Coilette, you she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo Jack?
Coilette: Those gems belong to the natives!
Leela: Hi-yah!
Calculon: Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why?
Coilette: Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life. Congo Jack!
Calculon: Another shocking twist!
Fry: Yes. And I have a message for you from Colonel Mitumbay! He says this ... ... is from Congo Jack.
Coilette: Uh, um...
Calculon: No! Nooo! N-O-O-O!
Coilette: I won't leave you. Not until I'm sure you understand the thing I said before. About my eternal love for you burning ... ... et cetera.
Calculon: I do. I do.
Coilette: OK then.
Zoidberg: I'm a doctor, she's dead.
Calculon: She lives no more. But let us all find comfort knowing that she truly loved me. To honour my pain, I shall star in a film dedicated to her memory. And this time, the Academy will not deny me. Not when they see Coilette A Calculon Story.
Calculon: Coilette, your death fills me with sorrow, anger, fear, every emotion an actor can display.
Farnsworth: Turn off that crap-o-rama! One mistake now and Bender will be trapped forever between the already ill-defined robot sexes.
Coilette: Ow! Ooh! Ow! Oh!
Fry: Well, Bender, I hope this has taught you a lesson about changing your sex to win five gold medals.
Coilette: It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself.
Farnsworth: Almost done.
Coilette: If only somehow, someway, he and I could-
Bender: Drive to Vegas, pick up some Flooziebots and void their warranties all night long!
Fry: Yay! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal.
Leela: I kind of hoped this whole experience would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side.
Bender: Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do?
Calculon: Coilette, the skies themselves weep upon the sweetest flower of all the field.
Leela: Aw!
Amy: Aw!
Fry: Ew!
Zoidberg: Gross.
Farnsworth: Sentimental drivel-poop.
Fry: C'mon, Bender, let's go. This chick-flick is getting me all barfy.
Bender: Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.
Calculon: Goodnight, Coilette, my turtle dove.
Bender: Goodnight, Calculon.
Leela: What did you say?
Bender: I said you two don't dress trampy enough. I still got it!