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0 | This isn't Twitter: try to comment on the article, and not your current activities. | {
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1 | In soviet Russia, bomb disarms you! | {
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2 | "runin for senitur! #YOLO!" | {
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3 | You step motherfucker. | {
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4 | Isn't this putting Descartes before the whores? | {
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5 | because i'm serious about my dancing | {
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6 | I also find it ironic that 72 virgins are attacking these terrorists. | {
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7 | Worst. Money launderer. Ever. | {
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8 | A quarter for air?!\n\nWell, I guess that's inflation for you. | {
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9 | The cake. It's a lie. | {
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10 | This is literally the juciest secret in this thread for some reason. Not totally bland, but not overly obscene. Probably because this is something I could actually picture any person doing if given the chance. | {
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11 | **Jenny said Zack wanted to meet up in the hotel for some kisses**\n\nMy favorite part of the story by far. | {
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12 | "I'll just play it safe and cum in her vagina" | {
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13 | Yer a redneck, Harry. | {
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14 | "Would you like to increase your chances at having a dinner with me by hiring me?" | {
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15 | Do you plan on annexing a portion of Ukraine for the baby? | {
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16 | I asked my Russian friend this once. He told me he dreams in English because my mom only speaks English and his dreams are exclusively of fucking my mom. Your answer was far more interesting. | {
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17 | Well yeah. Hydrox sounds like a toilet cleaner. | {
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18 | Nvm i want to keep it | {
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19 | Or as we koreans call it, food. | {
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20 | Your parents need hobbies | {
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21 | Getting suffocated by being wrapped in a giant sheet of paper. | {
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22 | This was the first time I've encountered this type of behavior but I don't pay any attention to it. I've always looked up to Solid Snake from MGS and thought "wish I could be like him" or "what would Snake do in this situation". | {
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23 | The best teacher I ever had was my elementary school principal. Our math teacher quit for some reason and he decided to sub in himself for math and accelerate the syllabus by a year.\n\nWe had to work like the house was on fire for the first half of the lesson and do extra homework, but then we got to hear stories of when he was a soldier in WWII. If you didn't do the work, you didn't get to hear the stories. Everybody did the work. | {
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24 | that's what I'm saying man. | {
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25 | "Just wait until tomorrow" | {
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26 | Clearly... she doesn't have one measly document | {
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27 | They need to know what bow shot the arrow to know what anti-arrow to use, just like with snakes.\n\n\n\nEDIT: Thank you for the gold and raising awareness for the the 42nd most important issue of our generation. | {
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28 | I actually don't think that is too outlandish. I have an Indian friend and he knows all the other Indians in town. They're all good friends and hang out together. If I ever meet an Indian, he probably knows them. | {
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29 | Saffron sells for about $7/gram.\n\nAn olympic pool, according to wikipedia, has a volume of 2,500,000 liters. Saffron has a density of 0.14 grams/cubic centimeter, or 142 grams/liter. \n\n142 x 2,500,000= 355,000,000 \n\n355,000,000 grams x $7/gram= $2,485,000,000. 2 and a half billion.\n\nWelcome to the high life.\n\nEDIT: Who the fuck gave me gold and why?\n | {
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30 | It won't look like other cars | {
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31 | Why would you want to tape a Mets game? | {
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32 | Blue link + read = purple | {
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33 | There is not enough internet between me and you. I need a shower. | {
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34 | He's Goldmember and Fat Bastard too. | {
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35 | How long did it take to cook? Just out of curiosity.\n\nEdit: Thanks for the Gold, my first! | {
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36 | Sounds like one of my houses in the sims | {
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37 | Um, Sarah Michelle Gellar and myself are credited in ROBOT CHICKEN many, many times for doing things that do not exist. Seth is our best friend, and we made him do it. | {
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38 | How do I reach these kids?! | {
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39 | I wouldn't call it drastic, but my penis is 5/8" larger than Ron's, in both length AND breadth, but it is held that he wields his with greater aplomb. | {
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40 | i compose all my music myself | {
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41 | If you cant handle me at my didliest then you dont deserve me at my doodliest!\n\nEDIT:: Doodidily doh double gold for my new top comment!! Awesome | {
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42 | Mmm. I'm more of an Outback Steakhouse gal. | {
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43 | *"How to let a 93 year old Chinese man shit in your mouth 102"*\n\nEdit: First time gilded, you guys are awesome. I'd totally shit in your mouth. | {
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44 | X gonna give it to her. | {
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45 | She just gave him a kiss on the cheek, no need to jump to conclusions.\n\nEdit: oh wow gold! And highest comment ever! Hi mom! | {
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46 | "Bertha...you see that apple there?...It's red" *dies* | {
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47 | 2 Cold 2 War\n\nEdit: Wow. 2 Thank 2 You for the gold. | {
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48 | I imagine flies would be the same\n\n^^^^where ^^^the ^^fuck ^is the ^window ^^what ^^^the ^^^^fuck ^^^is ^^this ^place how ^the ^^fuck ^^^do ^^^^I ^^^get ^^out ^where's the ^shit ^^I ^^^am ^^^^hungry | {
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49 | I think... you're in the wrong comment thread | {
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50 | The exposure of sunlight causes cells in your skin called melanocytes to produce more of a dark pigment called melanin: the result is a freckle. People with lighter skin are more prone to getting freckles.\n\nWith restricted sunlight such as in Alaska, those cells stopped making as much pigment and thus the dark spots disappear.\n\nEdit: thanks very much for the gold! And I'm sorry I didn't answer any follow up questions, I was asleep, haha. | {
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51 | Very limited fonts.\n\nEdit: cheers kind stranger. I'm here all week. | {
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52 | "Madam, a parcel hath reached you in the night!" | {
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53 | Exactly, he should have known you all do coke instead. What an amateur. | {
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54 | sorry to hear your wife's fucking another man. | {
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55 | I like to mix the pills to see if different pills will cure other illnesses. It must be working because some of them don't come back. | {
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56 | Son, I hate to break it to you but rebelling against unfavorable tea-based regulations is an American's game. | {
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57 | When they were in their late teens, my friends Ryan and Nick shared an apartment together.\n\nThey owned one fork between the two of them.\n\nSo they would have conversations like this:\n\n"Hey Ryan, have you seen the fork?"\n\n"Yeah, I was eating some noodles in front of the TV, so I think it's on the couch." | {
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58 | I like your username. | {
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59 | TIL all Indians have butt sex with each other.\n\nWait, dot or feather? | {
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60 | Now marry and combine your properties so you don't have to move anything | {
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61 | And the cartel is based in Eastern Europe. \n\nComing this summer: Czech Mates | {
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62 | It looks like it's trying to whistle but it's sad about it. | {
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63 | You're right. That *would* have been a strange sentence to say ten years ago. \n\nEdit: Thanks for the gold! I've never received it before :) | {
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64 | Yea, every time. In fact, my wife, son and I moved away to Brooklyn, NY. Last fall, when making our final visit home for the year to visit my wife's fam, I drove, just so I could get new tires there. They're all still really nice guys. | {
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65 | You let them vote then this shit happens. | {
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66 | Here you go my good sir: http://i.imgur.com/OwfWu.jpg | {
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67 | Kind of a classic Gaston move, if you think about it | {
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68 | The bastard changed lanes without signaling?\n\nEdit: /u/EasyTigrr many thanks | {
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69 | You were right to be embarrassed, casual. | {
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70 | He *is* playing xbox...\n\nEDIT: God dammit reddit 4000 upvotes and *gold* ^^thanks ^^/u/ChurchofGWB for explaining a joke? | {
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71 | Either way, you know something is coming. | {
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72 | I learned that the hard way, He's sitting over there cross the room playing Skylanders on Xbox. | {
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73 | Now that's a...high dive. | {
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74 | Yes! Absolutely. I speak Russian to the baby all the time. My parents speak Russian to the baby all the time. And Ashton's taking Russian lessons. | {
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75 | Whenever there's a fire alarm at my work, we all leave RIGHT away. I mean we get in trucks and drive away from that building.\n\n\n\n\nBeing a firefighter is fun. | {
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76 | Leonardo Dicaprio will be safe. | {
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77 | Was it Ranjit? Everyone knows that motherfucker. | {
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78 | The kid lost an SO but gained a sensei. | {
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79 | >a asteroid\n\nan asteroid, Mr. President. | {
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80 | > Opened the knife drawer and found a block of cheese, which I had apparently decided was a knife the previous day.\n\nPerhaps it was because the cheddar was so sharp. | {
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81 | Challenge accepted! http://i.imgur.com/4OwIB.jpg | {
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82 | There was a thread where truck drivers listed places they won't stop. Gary was repeated over and over. \n* Edit: [Here's the link](https://np.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2ryla3/truck_drivers_of_reddit_what_city_or_town_do_you/), you vultures | {
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83 | I was honored.\n\nBeyond belief.\n\nTo be chosen, from the ranks of tens of thousands of Hollywood Actors, to be the head of the **F**ilm **A**ctors **G**uild.\n\nFor me to be the head of the F.A.G. was one of the most meaningful honors of my career. | {
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84 | I haven't smoked in weeks and I feel like I've got a contact high from that question | {
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85 | "Are you being fresh with me?" | {
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86 | And then act super surprised and delighted when you pull out grapes from it. | {
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87 | That's racist. Why does it matter what color Marie was? She's a Mannequin American. | {
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88 | That conniving little bitch. | {
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89 | Made me feel sorry for Keanu. | {
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90 | With a confetti/balloon drop, a marching band and a giant banner that says "YOU MADE IT!" | {
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91 | You can always rely on niggawolf for a good, clean joke to tell your family. | {
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92 | Little brothers, represent! | {
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93 | This is the only one in the thread that legitimately threw me for a loop, and I thought you were making it up. Sure enough, Charlie Chaplin lived all the way until '77. | {
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94 | Use the pumpkin as a huge bowl full of other vegetables | {
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95 | One does not simply ask the inventor of the WWW what he thinks about memes.\n\n | {
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96 | "...when you pay back the last $0.00247"\n\nCan't let motherfuckers round down on you | {
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97 | We could call it *re-incone-nation.* | {
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98 | I've heard it's not like having your dick sucked, but rather that you are sucking a dick. | {
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99 | i probably have some mental health problems. | {
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