unformated_scripts/Script_Airplane.txt

                                   AIRPLANE                                            Written by                            Jim Abrahams, David Zucker & Jerry Zucker                                                                                                         SHOOTING SCRIPT                                                       June 11, 1979                                                       Revised 6/15/79                                                   FADE IN:                    EXT. SKY - JUST ABOVE CLOUDS - NIGHT                    OMINOUS, THREATENING MUSIC. The upper tail fin of a jet          plane emerges through the cloud layer and PASSES THROUGH the          FRAME like a shark's fin through water. It passes by again          in the opposite direction. MUSIC BUILDS as the fin comes          straight TOWARD the CAMERA, MUSIC SWELLS to CRESCENDO as          entire jet plane lifts out of clouds and passes overhead.          TITLE SLASHES ACROSS SCREEN, "AIRPLANE!"                    CREDITS and MUSIC continue over following.                    EXT. AIRPORT - NIGHT (STOCK)                    ESTABLISHING terminal building.                    EXT. TERMINAL BUILDING - PASSENGER LOADING ZONE - NIGHT                    Airport bus arrives. Stewardess ELAINE DICKINSON steps off.          CAMERA FOLLOWS Elaine as she walks to terminal building.                                            P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)                   The white zone is for immediate loading                   and unloading of passengers only. There is                   no stopping in the red zone.                                            P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)                   The red zone is for immediate loading and                   unloading of passengers. There is no                   stopping in the white zone.                                            P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)                   No. The white zone is for loading and                   unloading, and there is no stopping in the                   red zone.                                            P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)                   The red zone has always been for loading                   and unloading, and there is never stopping                   in a white zone.                                            P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)                   Don't tell me which zone is for stopping                   and which zone is for loading.                                            P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)                   Listen, Betty. Don't start up with your                   white zone shit again!                    Elaine enters terminal building.                    INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT                    Elaine is approached by a religious ZEALOT #1.                                            ZEALOT #1                   Hello, we'd like you to have this flower                   from the Religious Consciousness Church.                                            ELAINE                   No, but thank you very much.                    Arrival-Departure TV monitors. Elaine approaches.                    ELAINE'S POV - TV MONITORS                    Reads: Flight 209 to Chicago - Depart Gate 89 - 7:25 p.m.          Arrival monitor is goldfish swimming.                    BACK TO ELAINE                    She checks her watch and walks past Security Check area.          CAMERA STAYS with a middle-aged couple, SHIRLEY and JACK,          waiting to pass through Security Check. Behind them is sign          reading: WARNING, HIJACKING IS A FEDERAL OFFENSE, etc.                                            SHIRLEY                   Jack, isn't that Fred Bliffert over there                   in the blue turtleneck? Maybe he's on our                   flight to Chicago.                                            JACK                   Yeah, I think he is.                        (waves)                   Hey, Fred!                    FRED recognizes Jack.                                            FRED                         (yelling)                   Hi, Jack!!!                    A swarm of police and airport security men descend on Fred          and take him away.                    EXT. AIRPORT - PASSENGER LOADING ZONE - NIGHT                    A limousine arrives. Two colorfully dressed BLACK DUDES          emerge. An extra pesters them. Two HARE KRISHNA'S arrive on          foot and walk toward terminal.                                            P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)                   There's just no stopping in the white                   zone.                                            P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)                   Christ, you're as bad as your mother!                                            P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)                   Oh, really, Vernon! Why pretend? We both                   know perfectly well what it is you're                   talking about. You want me to have an                   abortion.                                            P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)                   It's really the only sensible thing to do.                   If it's done properly, therapeutically,                   there's no danger involved.                                            P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)                   Have you considered that what's inside me                   is a human being; that it's alive. We made                   love. It's us -- you and me.                                            P.A. SYSTER (male v.o.)                   That isn't true. A fetus at this stage is                   not a human being, nor is it a person.                    Krishnas enter terminal building.                    INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT                    The Krishnas are approached by the Religious Zealot.                                            ZEALOT #2                   Hello, we'd like you to have this flower                   from the Church of Consciousness. Would                   you like to make a donation?                                            KRISHNA                         (shakes his head)                    No, we gave at the office.                    INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT                    A voluptuous BLONDE saunters through the airport, clears her          throat loudly, and spits on the wall.                    She walks past an ELDERLY WOMAN standing outside a men's          room door. She turns and sticks her head in the door.                                            ELDERLY WOMAN                   Go, O.J., go!!                    INT. SECURITY CHECK AREA - NIGHT                    SECURITY CHECK LADY is watching X-ray scanner. First picture          is typically filled suitcase, then another, then a chest X-          ray.                    A man passes through metal detector archway and it BEEPS.                                            SECURITY LADY                   Please put your metal objects on this                   tray.                    He puts his watch, keys on the tray. Then removes his metal          arm and metal leg.                    EXT. TERMINAL BUILDING - PASSENGER LOADING AREA - NIGHT                    MR. and MRS. HAMMEN and their eight year old son, JOEY,          arrive in a station wagon. They unload luggage.                                            P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)                   The red zone is for immediate loading and                   unloading of passengers only. There is no                   stopping in the white zone.                    P.A. System Female v.o. weeping.                                            P. A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)                   The red zone is for...Betty, put down that                   gun!                    SHOTS and GROAN.                                            P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)                   The white zone is for immediate loading                   and unloading of passengers only. There is                   no stopping in the red zone.                    The Hammens walk toward terminal past a BUSINESSMAN.                                            BUSINESSMAN                   Taxi!                    A taxi cab skids to a stop in front of him. The Businessman          gets in as the driver, TED STRIKER, drops the flag and          rushes out.                                            STRIKER                   Back in a minute.                    INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - BAGGAGE PICKUP AREA - NIGHT                    Striker enters, looking around as if searching for someone.          People are rolling down the conveyor belt of a baggage          carousel, banging into each other like luggage. The luggage          is standing around the conveyor belt, waiting for the people          to come off.                    INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                    Striker, walking briskly, is approached by Zealot #3 who          tries to pin a flower on his jacket. Striker keeps walking          but the Zealot is persistent. Finally, Striker slips out of          his jacket leaving the Zealot with the coat.                                            P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)                   Your attention, please. Flight seven-                   thirty-three from Milwaukee is now                   arriving on the B Concourse, Gate thirty-                   five.                    EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT                    Flight 733 taxis toward gate. A GROUND CREWMAN with red          flashlights is directing plane to his right. A SECOND          GROUND CREWMAN approaches as First Ground Crewman continues          to direct plane to his right.                    CREDITS END.                                            GROUND CREWMAN #2                   Hey, Joe, where's the forklift?                                            GROUND CREWMAN #1                   The forklift? It's over there by the                   baggage loader.                    He points to the left with his flashlights. Flight 733          follows flashlights and CRASHES into terminal.                    INT. TERMINAL - GATE 35 - NIGHT                    Nose of Flight 733 CRASHES into terminal, scattering waiting          crowd. A woman tosses away her infant child as she runs off.                    INT. TERMINAL BULIDING - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                    Striker catches up to Elaine.                                            STRIKER                   Elaine!                                            ELAINE                        (surprised)                   Ted!                                            STRIKER                   I came home early and found your note. I                   guess you meant for me to read it later.                   Elaine, I've got to talk to you.                                            ELAINE                   I just don't want to go over it any more.                                            STRIKER                   I know things haven't been right for a                   long time, but it'll be different. If                   you'll just be patient, I can work things                   out.                                            ELAINE                   I have been patient and I've tried to                   help, but you wouldn't even let me do                   that.                                            STRIKER                   Don't you feel anything for me at all any                   more?                                            ELAINE                   It takes so many things to make love last.                   Most of all it takes respect. And I can't                   live with a man I don't respect!                    She leaves.                                            STRIKER                        (to CAMERA)                   What a pisser.                    INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - CONCESSION AREA - NIGHT                    CAPTAIN CLARENCE OVEUR is standing at the magazine racks.          The first two sections of the display are books; the third          is girly magazines. The captions over the dis≠play are          FICTION, NON-FICTION, WHACKING MATERIAL. He selects a          magazine entitled "Modern Sperm" and begins to page through.                                            P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)                   Captain Clarence Oveur, white courtesy                   phone. Captain Clarence Oveur, white                   courtesy phone.                    Captain Oveur approaches telephones and picks up a red          phone.                                            OPERATOR (v.o.)                   No, the white phone.                    Oveur picks up the white phone.                                            OVEUR                   This is Captain Oveur.                                            OPERATOR (v.o.)                   One moment for your call from the Mayo                   Clinic.                                            P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)                   Captain Oveur, white courtesy phone.                   Captain Clarence Oveur...                                            OVEUR                        (yelling at ceiling)                   I've got it!                                            P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)                   All right. Thank you.                                            OPERATOR (v.o.)                   Go ahead with your call.                                            TURNANSKY (v.o.)                   This is Doctor Turnansky at the Mayo                   Clinic.                    INT. DR. TURNANSKY'S OFFICE - NIGHT                    DR. TURNANSKY is seated at desk. Behind him are shelves          filled with mayonnaise jars.                                            TURNANSKY                   There's a passenger on your Chicago flight                   two-oh-niner, a little girl named Lisa                   Davis -- en route to Minneapolis. She's                   scheduled for a heart transplant and we'd                   like you to tell her mother that we found                   a donor an hour ago.                    On his desk is a beaker containing a beating heart.                                            TURNANSKY                   We have the heart here ready for surgery                   and we must have the recipient on the                   operating table within six hours.                    The heart jumps out of the beaker, across the desk and falls          off the edge.                                            TURNANSKY                   I want you to make sure she is kept in a                   reclined position and that a continuous                   watch is kept on her I.V.                    INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - PHONE AREA - NIGHT                                            TURNANSKY (v.o.)                   Also, it's important that...                                            OPERATOR (v.o.)                   Excuse me. This is the Operator, Captain                   Oveur, I have an emergency call for you on                   line five trom a Mister Hamm.                                            OVEUR                   All right. Give me Hamm on five, hold the                   Mayo.                    EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT                    Ambulance arrives at airplane. Attendants and MRS. DAVIS          unload LISA DAVIS into wheelchair.                    INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT                    Elaine and Striker are walking together.                                            STRIKER                   Look, you'll be back in town tomorrow                   night. We'll have dinner -- talk it over.                                            ELAINE                   I won't be back. I've requested the                   Atlanta run.                                            STRIKER                   Elaine, not yet. I promise you I really                   can change.                                            ELAINE                   Then why don't you take the job that Louie                   Netz offered you at Boeing?                    In the b.g. an airline PORTER is transporting an ELDERLY          COUPLE in an electric cart. They round the corner too fast          and the woman falls out. Husband doesn't notice.                                            STRIKER                   You know I haven't been able to get near                   an airplane since the war. And even if I                   could, they wouldn't hire me because of my                   war record.                                            ELAINE                   Your war record? You're the only one                   keeping that alive. For everyone else it's                   ancient history.                                            STRIKER                   You expect me to believe that?                    In the b.g. the Elderly Woman staggers to her feet and is          immediately run over by another electric cart.                                            ELAINE                   It's the truth. What's hurt you the most                   is your record since the war. Different                   cities, different jobs, and not one of                   them shows you can accept any real                   responsibility.                                            STRIKER                   But if you'll just give me...                                            ELAINE                   It's too late, Ted. When I get back to                   Chicago, I'm going to start my life all                   over again. I'm sorry.                    She walks off. Dramatic MUSIC as Striker glares with          determination. The religious Zealot tries to pin a flower on          his lapel.                                            ZEALOT #3                   Hello, we'd like you to have this...                    Without looking, Striker decks the Zealot with one punch. He          walks after Elaine.                    INT. COCKPIT - FLIGHT 209 - NIGHT                    Clarence Oveur is in the pilot's seat. VICTOR BASTA is          seated at engineer's console. There is a St. Christopher's          statue on the dashboard.                                            BASTA                   Any word on that storm lifting over Salt                   Lake, Clarence?                    TEXACO SERVICE MAN is cleaning windshield.                                            OVEUR                   Unlikely, Victor. I just reviewed the Area                   Report for 1609 hours through 2400 hours.                   That's an occluded front stalled over the                   Dakotas -- backed up all the way to Utah.                    Texaco Service Man opens hood and checks dipstick.                                            BASTA                   If it decides to push over into the Great                   Lakes it could get plenty soupy. How about                   the southern route, around Tulsa?                                            OVEUR                   I double checked the terminal forecast and                   winds aloft. IFR ceilings all the way.                    Oveur gives charge card to Texaco Man.                                            BASTA                   Where do they top out?                                            OVEUR                   Well, there's some light scattered cover                   at twenty thousand with icing around                   eighteen.                                            BASTA                   Looks like the original flight plan over                   Denver is still the best bet.                    Oveur signs charge form and gives it to Texaco Man.                                            OVEUR                   Denver it is.                    ROGER MURDOCK enters. He is played by a famous athlete.                                            MURDOCK                   Sorry, Clarence. Latest weather report                   shows everything socked in from Salt Lake                   to Lincoln.                                            OVEUR                        (to Murdock)                   Hi, Roger. Good to have you aboard.                   Victor, this is Roger Murdock.                                            BASTA                   How do you do, Roger?                    Texaco Man hands receipt to Oveur.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - BOARDING AREA - NIGHT                    Stewardesses Elaine and RANDY are greeting boarding          passengers including the Hammens and SISTER ANGELINA who is          carrying a guitar.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                                            HARI KRISHNA #1                   Do you believe those goddamn Steelers? Can                   you imagine blitzing on third and long                   with two minutes in the game?                                            HARI KRISHNA #2                   Well, hell, they couldn't stay in zone                   coverage with Dallas running swing                   patterns!                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                                            JACK                   What did you think of 'Great                   Expectations?'                                            SHIRLEY                   Well, it wasn't all that I had hoped.                    EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT                    A SOLDIER and GIRL are tearfully embracing at the base of          the stairs leading into the plane.                                            GIRL                   Oh, Bill, I'm going to miss you so much.                                            SOLDIER                   You promise you'll write.                                            GIRL                   Every day.                                            AIRPORT STEWARD                   Better get on board, son.                    INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - GATE 89 - NIGHT                    Striker approaches check-in counter.                                            STRIKER                   Can you tell me if Elaine Dickinson is on                   this flight?                    She looks at her list.                                            CHECK-IN LADY                   Well, the whole flight crew has boarded.                   Yes. She is on board.                                            STRIKER                   I'd like one ticket to Chicago. No                   baggage!                    EXT. TERMINAL BUILDING - PASSENGER LOADING AREA - NIGHT                    The Businessman is patiently waiting in Striker's cab.                    INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - GATE 89 - NIGHT                                            CHECK-IN LADY                   Smoking or non-smoking?                                            STRIKER                   Smoking, please.                    She hands him a smoldering ticket, and he walks out the          door.                    EXT. TERMINAL - NIGHT                    Striker emerges and freezes in terror.                    STRIKER'S POV - THE AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    DRAMATIC MUSIC.                    CLOSEUP - STRIKER - NIGHT                    agonizing over war recollections. SUPERIMPOSE ROARING          fighter planes. SUPER FADES OUT. Striker musters his courage          and walks toward airplane.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                                            BLACK DUDE #l                   Shi',man, tha' honkey mo'fo' mess wi' my                   ol' lady, man I rap tha' dude upside his                   head, man.                    SUBTITLES APPEAR ON SCREEN: "GOLLY, THAT WHITE FELLOW SHOULD          STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE OR I WILL PUNCH HIM."                                            BLACK DUDE #2                   Yeah, man, he ain't never goin' come on                   layin' no pig rap off you, man.                    SUBTITLES APPEAR ON SCREEN: "YES, THERE IS TRUTH IN WHAT YOU          SAY. HOWEVER, I THINK HE MAY BE MISLEADING YOU."                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                    Randy is taking Striker's ticket.                                            RANDY                   Fourteen-B. It's halfway down on your                   right.                                            STRIKER                   Thank you.                    As Striker sits down he sees Elaine, who is unaware he is on          board.                    STRIKER'S POV - NIGHT                    Elaine is handing out pillows. We HEAR A DING.                    INSERT - LIGHTED WARNING SIGNS                                            "NO SMOKING                               EL NO A YOU SMOKO"                                         "FASTEN SEAT BELTS                              PUTANA DA SEATBELTZ"                    He fastens his seat belt and looks nervously out the window.          The Elderly Woman next to him notices.                                            MRS. ELDERLY                   Nervous?                                            STRIKER                   Yes.                                            MRS. ELDERLY                   First time?                                            STRIKER                   No. I've been nervous lots of times. I                   used to be a pilot myself...during the                   war.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                    Elaine approaches Mrs. Davis and Lisa.                                            ELAINE                   We'll be taking off real soon so we better                   fasten you in tight.                                            LISA                   Thank you. Oh Mother, this is so exciting.                                            MRS. DAVIS                   I know, but remember you must get some                   rest.                                            ELAINE                   That's good advice. You relax and I'll be                   back after we take off.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                    MILTON, an eight year old boy wearing a conservative coat          and tie, fastens his seat belt and begins reading his          "Business Monthly" magazine.                    He sees BERNICE, a seven year old girl, in the aisle and          looks her up and down.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    DRAMATIC MUSIC. Engines one and two REV UP.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Murdock and Oveur look toward left wing.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    ENGINES three and four REV UP.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Murdock and Oveur look toward right wing.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    Two more ENGINES REV UP.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Murdock and Oveur look toward left wing and do a double          take.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    Two more ENGINES REV UP.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Murdock and Oveur are confused and counting on their          fingers.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    Stairs are removed from airplane. The Soldier is in the open          doorway waving good-bye to his tearful girlfriend at the          base of the plane.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            OVEUR                   Two-zero-niner to ground control. We are                   loaded and ready to taxi.                    EXT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            GROUND CONTROL (v.o.)                   Roger, two-zero-niner. You are third in                   line for takeoff...Air Israel, taxi into                   position.                    EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT                    An Air Israel airplane with beard and pais, wearing a          yarmulka and tallis.                    EXT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            GROUND CONTROL (v.o.)                   Air Poland, you are cleared for takeoff.                    INT. AIR POLAND COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Crew is Jose Feliciano and look-alike for Ray Charles.                    EXT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            GROUND CONTROL (v.o.)                   Taxi to runway one-niner.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Oveur moves console levers as if shifting into first gear.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - SOLDIER - NIGHT                    as 209 starts to taxi, the Soldier is leaning out the door.                                            SOLDIER                   Good-bye, darling.                    EXT. RUNWAY - GIRL - NIGHT                    His girlfriend is moving along next to the plane as in          typical train station good-bye scene.                                            GIRL                   Oh, good-bye, Bill! Have your picture                   taken as soon as you get there and send me                   one!                    As she runs, she dodges posts. We HEAR the chug chug of a          steam engine pulling from a station.                                            SOLDIER                   I will.                    She runs through crowd of people standing on side of runway.                                            GIRL                   Don't you go getting fat or anything.                    She's running faster.                                            SOLDIER                   Don't worry, I won't. Okay, here -- hurry!                    He tosses her his watch.                                            GIRL                   Oh, but it's your watch. You shouldn't.                   You'll need it.                    She is now knocking down posts as she keeps up with the          accelerating plane.                                            SOLDIER                   Good-bye, darling.                                            GIRL                   Oh, Bill, I'll keep it. I'll keep it with                   me all the time.                                            SOLDIER                   So long, darling. Good-bye. Take care of                   yourself.                                            GIRL                   Bill! Bill! Good-bye, Bill.                                            SOLDIER                   Good-bye, darling.                                            GIRL                   Good-bye, darling. I love you. I love you,                   darling.                                            SOLDIER                   Good-bye, darling.                    A TRAIN WHISTLE sounds. She stops running and waves.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            GROUND CONTROLLER (v.o.)                   Flight two-zero-niner, you are cleared for                   takeoff.                                            OVEUR                   Roger.                                            MURDOCK                        (turning to Oveur)                   Huh?                    Oveur throws console lever into second gear.                                            GROUND CONTROLLER (v.o.)                   L.A. departure frequency two-point-niner.                                            OVEUR                   Roger.                                            MURDOCK                        (turning to Oveur)                   Huh?                                            BASTA                        (to tower)                   Request vector...over.                                            OVEUR                        (turning to Basta)                   What?                                            GROUND CONTROLLER (v.o.)                   Flight two-zero-niner, cleared for vector                   three...two four.                                            MURDOCK                   We have clearance, Clarence.                                            OVEUR                   Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?                    Oveur throws console lever into third.                    EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT                    Flight 209 takes off, flying erratically.                                            BASTA (v.o.)                   Tower radioed clearance, over.                                            OVEUR (v.o.)                   That's Clarence Oveur...over.                                            BASTA (v.o.)                   Roger.                                            MURDOCK (v.o.)                   Huh?                                            TOWER (v.o.)                   Roger, over.                                            OVEUR (v.o.)                   What?!                                            MURDOCK (v.o.)                   Huh?                    INSERT - SEAT BELT AND SMOKING SIGNS                    going off.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Striker walks to rear of plane and looks out window. He          swallows a couple of pills. Randy approaches.                                            RANDY                   Do you feel all right, sir?                                            STRIKER                   Oh -- I haven't flown for a long time.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                    Elaine is handing out magazines.                                            OVEUR (v.o.)                   Good evening, this is Captain Oveur                   speaking. We'll be cruising at thirty-six,                   thousand feet, and arrival time in Chicago                   is ten-forty-five Central Time. The                   temperature there is sixty-two degrees,                   with a twenty percent chance of                   precipitation. And now here's Victor with                   People in the news.                                            BASTA (v.o.)                   Thank you, Clarence. Ali McGraw announced                   another spin on the marriage-go-round. And                   who's the lucky guy? You guessed it. None                   other than Olympic gymnast...                    Elaine approaches Mrs. Elderly. Striker's seat is vacant.                                            ELAINE                   Would you like something to read?                                            MRS. ELDERLY                   Do you have anything light?                    Elaine hands her a small piece of paper.                                            ELAINE                   How about this leaflet: 'Famous Jewish                   Sports Legends?'                                            MRS. ELDERLY                        (taking pamphlet)                   Yes. Thank you.                    Elaine turns and is shocked to see Striker approaching his          seat.                                            ELAINE                   Ted, what are you doing here?                                            STRIKER                   Elaine, I've got to talk to you.                                            ELAINE                   You...you shouldn't have come. I don't                   have time now.                                            MRS. SCHIFF                   Oh, stewardess...                                            ELAINE                   Excuse me.                    Striker sits down.                                            MRS. ELDERLY                   No wonder you're upset. She's lovely. And                   a darling figure. Supple, pouting breasts.                   Firm thighs. It's a shame you're not                   getting along.                                            STRIKER                   Yes, I know. Things used to be different.                   I remember when we first met. It was                   during the war.                                                              DISSOLVE TO:                    INT. MAGUMBA BAR - NIGHT                    Striker is seated at bar in a smoke-filled room. An          assortment of unsavory characters are hanging around the          bar.                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   I was in the Air Force, stationed in                   Drambuie, on the Barbary Coast. I used to                   hang out in the Magumba Bar.                    Shapely female legs walking on bar stop in front of Striker.          SLEAZY TROMBONE MUSIC. CAMERA PANS UP shapely female in          tight fitting dress. She is play≠ing the sleazy trombone          music.                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   It was a rough place. You would count on a                   fight breaking out almost every night.                    Two GIRL SCOUTS are slugging it out old Western style --          breaking tables and chairs.                    INT. MAGUMBA BAR - JUKEBOX AREA - NIGHT                    An unsavory CHARACTER puts a quarter in the jukebox. One          Girl Scout bashes the other against the jukebox buttons.                    INSERT - LIGHTED SIGN                                                "E-5                            MAKE ANOTHER SELECTION"                    DISCO TUNE plays. Girl Scout is bashed against juke≠box          again.                    INSERT - LIGHTED SIGN                                               "B-17                            MAKE ANOTHER SELECTION"                    Girl Scout bashes again.                    INSERT - LIGHTED SIGN                                               "A-12                                   THANK YOU"                    The unsavory Character nods approvingly at selections.                    INT. MAGUMBA BAR DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT                    Patrons are dancing a la John Travolta.                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   I didn't go there that night to fall in                   love, I just dropped in for a couple of                   drinks.                    BACK TO STRIKER                    He turns to look toward dance floor.                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   But suddenly there she was.                    STRIKER'S POV                    Elaine dancing with grizzly looking cutthroat.                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   I was captivated, entranced.                    BACK TO STRIKER                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   It hit me like a thunderbolt. I had to ask                   the guy next to me to pinch me to make                   sure I wasn't dreaming.                    Striker asks the burly LONGSHOREMAN next to him to to pinch          him. Longshoreman gives him a look and moves away          cautiously.                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   I was afraid to approach her, but that                   night, fate was on my side.                    Elaine's dancing partner is stabbed in the back and falls to          the grould. No one notices but Striker who eagerly fills in.          They make a perfect disco couple. The other dancers make a          circle around them.                    They begin with fancy disco steps, move on to flips and          seemingly impossible acrobatics, finally ending with          incredible stunts: Striker, jumping through flaming hoops          and Elaine, hanging from a chandelier by her teeth and          twirling.                                                              DISSOLVE TO:                    INT. MAGUMBA BAR DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT                    Bar is closing, chairs on tables, bartender sweeping floor,          Elaine and Striker dancing slowly in center of room. One          final Girl Scout flies into FRAME and falls in a lifeless          heap at their feet.                                                              DISSOLVE TO:                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                                            STRIKER                   We laughed, we talked, we danced, I never                   wanted it to end and I guess I still                   don't. But enough about me. I hope this                   hasn't been boring for you.                    CAMERA WIDENS to reveal Mrs. Elderly's legs dangling next to          him. She has hung herself.                                            STRIKER                   It's just that when I start to talk about                   Elaine, I get so carried away -- I lose                   all track of time -- not unlike Oliver in                   'Jesus: the Man.'                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                    Milton, carrying a tray with two cups of coffee, approaches          Bernice.                                            MILTON                   I happened to be passing, and I thought                   you might like some corfee.                                            BERNICE                   That's very nice of you. Thank you.                    She takes a cup.                                            BERNICE                   Ah, won't you sit down?                                            MILTON                   Thank you. Cream?                                            BERNICE                   No, thank you. I take it black. Like my                   men.                                            MILTON                   Were you vacationing in Los Angeles?                                            BERNICE                   Well, it really wasn't a vacation. You                   see, I'm a teacher in the New York City                   school system, and I was attending a                   seminar on visual aids to education. Are                   you from L.A.?                                            MILTON                   No. I'm from Washington, D.C. I'm a                   lobbyist for the Small Businessmen's                   Assocation.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Elaine is taking orders from a couple and their eight year          old son.                                            ELAINE                   Would you like to order dinner now?                                            MR. HAMMEN                   Yes. Steak for Joey and my wife and I will                   have the fish.                                            JOEY                   When can I see the cockpit, Dad?                                            MR. HAMMEN                   Well, I think that the pilots are too busy                   flying the plane for that, Joey.                                            JOEY                   Aw, gee whiz.                                            ELAINE                   I tell you what, Joey. I'll talk to the                   Captain and see what I can arrange.                                            JOEY                   Gee! That'd be swell!                    Elaine moves on to the two Black Dudes.                                            ELAINE                   Would you gentlemen care to order your                   dinners?                    The Black Dudes point to their selections on the menu.                                            BLACK DUDE #1                   'Ey ma' muh fuh wha' fo', shi!                    SUBTITLES APPEAR: "I WOULD LIKE THE STEAK, PLEASE."                                            BLACK DUDE #2                   Shi' mo cain ma foh mess wi' ain?!                    SUBTITLES APPEAR: "I'LL HAVE THE FISH, THANK YOU."                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                    Randy is taking dinner orders from Hari Krishnas.                                            RANDY                   May I take your dinner order?                                            HARI KRISHNA #1                   No, thank you, we brought our own                   vegetables.                                            HARI KRISHNA #2                   But we would like some hot water for our                   tea, please.                    Randy moves on.                                            HARI KRISHNA #1                   Did you catch the jugs on that broad?                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - STEWARDESS ALCOVE - NIGHT                    Elaine is replacing a magazine and catches sight of Striker.                    ELAINE'S POV - STRIKER                    Boring another passenger.                    BACK TO ELAINE                     She moves into the alcove and begins to pour coffee. CAMERA          MOVES INTO CLOSEUP of Elaine.                                                              DISSOLVE TO:                    EXT. BEACH - DAY                    Striker and Elaine are running. She falls down at the          water's edge, exhausted. Striker drops to his knees and they          embrace passionately. A huge wave washes over them covering          them completely. When the wave recedes, they're still locked          in the same embrace. They are covered with seaweed. Fish are          flopping around in the sand.                                            ELAINE                   Oh, Ted, I never knew I could be so happy.                   These past few months have been wonderful.                   Tomorrow why don't we drive up the coast                   to that little seafood place and...                    Striker frowns.                                            ELAINE                   What's the matter?                                            STRIKER                   My orders came through. My squadron ships                   out tomorrow. I'll be leading a very                   important mission.                                            ELAINE                   Oh, Ted, please be careful. I worry about                   you so much.                                            STRIKER                   I love you, Elaine.                                            ELAINE                   I love you.                    They embrace. Another huge wave washes in and covers them          completely.                                                              DISSOLVE TO:                    INT. STEWARDESS ALCOVE - NIGHT                    Elaine comes back to reality.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    In level flight.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            GROUND CONTROL (v.o.)                   Flight two-zero-niner, this is Denver                   Flight Control. You're approaching some                   rough weather. Please climb to forty-two                   thousand feet.                                            OVEUR                   Roger, Denver.                    There is a KNOCK on the cockpit door. Elaine and Joey enter.                                            ELAINE                   We have a visitor.                                            OVEUR                   Hello.                                            MURDOCK                   Hi.                                            ELAINE                   This is Captain Oveur. Mister Murdock and                   Mister Johnson. This is Joey Hammen.                                            MURDOCK                   Come on up here. You can see better.                                            OVEUR                   Joey, here's something we give our special                   visitors. Would you like to have it?                    He gives Joey a small toy airplane and puts his arm around          him.                                            JOEY                   Thank you. Thanks a lot!                                            OVEUR                   Have you ever been in a cockpit before?                                            JOEY                   No, sir. I've never been up in a plane                   before.                                            OVEUR                   Have you ever seen a grown man naked?                                            MURDOCK                   Do you want me to check the weather,                   Clarence?                                            OVEUR                        (looking at Joey)                   No, why don't you take care ot it?                                            ELAINE                   We'd better get back now.                                            OVEUR                   Joey can stay up here for a while if he'd                   like to.                                            JOEY                   Could I?                                            ELAINE                   Okay, if you don't get in the way.                    Elaine exits. Murdock picks up phone.                                            MURDOCK                   Flight two-zero-niner to Denver radio.                   Climbing to cruise at forty-two thousand.                   Will report again over Lincoln. Over and                   out.                    Joey has been paying very close attention to Murdock, and          suddenly recognizes him.                                            JOEY                   Wait a minute. I know you. You're Kareem                   Abdul Jabbar. You play basketball for the                   Los Angeles Lakers!                                            MURDOCK                   I'm sorry, son, but you must have me                   confused with someone else. My name is                   Roger Murdock. I'm the co-pilot.                    He turns to Basta.                                            MURDOCK                   Ah, Victor, why don't you get the                   coordinates on the altitude vector and                   find out the ratio of direct velocity over                   engine speed?                    Victor is puzzled.                                            JOEY                   You are Kareem. I've seen you play. My                   Dad's got season tickets!                                            MURDOCK                   I think you should go back to your seat                   now, Joey. Right, Clarence?                                            OVEUR                   No, he's not bothering anyone. Let him                   stay up here.                                            MURDOCK                   All right. But just remember, my name is                   Roger Murdock.                    He points to his nametag.                                            MURDOCK                   I'm an airline pilot.                        (to Oveur)                   Ah, Clarence, according to my                   calculations, with this tailwind we ought                   to be able to make up an additional                   fifteen minutes over the Rockies.                                            JOEY                   I think you're the greatest. But my Dad                   says you don't work hard enough on                   defense.                                            MURDOCK                        (into microphone)                   Denver Control, this is Flight two-zero-                   niner intersecting Victor Airway seven-                   niner-niner.                                            JOEY                   ...and that lots of times you don't even                   run down court.                                            MURDOCK                   We are turning left to a heading of zero-                   niner-niner.                                            JOEY                   ...and that you don't really try, except                   during the playoffs.                                            MURDOCK                   The hell I don't! I'm out there busting my                   buns every night.                    Murdock realizes he has given himself away. He quickly looks          to see if Oveur is listening. Oveur is busy checking          instruments. Murdock grabs Joey by the collar and whispers          angrily.                                            MURDOCK                   Listen, kid, I've been hearing that crap                   ever since I was at UCLA. Tell your old                   man to drag Unseld and Lanier up and down                   the court for forty-eight minutes.                        (into mike)                   Ah...Denver Control, this is Flight two-                   zero-niner continuing on a heading two-                   niner-niner...niner, ah...niner...niner.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Elaine is seated next to Striker.                                            STRIKER                   Elaine, just hear me out. I know things                   haven't been right for a long time. But it                   will be different...like it was in the                   beginning. Remember?                                            ELAINE                   I remember everything. All I have are                   memories.                    Soft MUSIC begins.                                            ELAINE                   Mostly I remember...the nights when we                   were together. I remember how you used to                   hold me...and how I used to sit on your                   face and wriggle...and then afterwards how                   we'd watch until the sun came up. When it                   did, it was almost like...like each new                   day was created...only for us.                                            STRIKER                   That's the way I've always wanted it to                   be, Elaine.                                            ELAINE                   But it won't be. Not as long as you insist                   on living in the past!                    Elaine leaves, teary-eyed.                    CLOSEUP - STRIKER                                                              SUPERIMPOSE:                    EXT. SKY - DAY                    Fighter plane diving.                                            SQUADRON LEADER (v.o.)                   You're too low, Ted! You're too low!                    Fighter plane CRASHES.                                                              DISSOLVE TO:                    EXT. HOSPITAL - DAY                    Sign in front reads:                                   U.S. ARMY PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL                              PENTATHOL AVAILABLE                                 Master Charge, Visa, Carte Blanche                                                              DISSOLVE TO:                    INT. HOSPITAL - DAY                    Striker is lying in bed painting a canvas. Elaine is seated          at bedside.                                            ELAINE                   You got a telegram from head≠quarters                   today.                                            STRIKER                   Headquarters!? What is it?                                            ELAINE                   It's a big building where the generals                   meet. But that's not important right now.                   They've cleared you of any blame for what                   happened on that raid. Isn't that good                   news?                    INSERT - STRIKER'S PAINTING                    A surreal image of a soldier contorted like a pretzel          clutching a machine gun in one hand and a crying infant in          the other.                    BACK TO HOSPITAL - DAY                                            STRIKER                   Is it? Because of my mistake six men                   didn't return from that raid.                                            ELAINE                   Seven. Lieutenant Zipp died this morning.                   Ted, Doctor Sandler says you'll be out in                   a week. Isn't that wonderful?                    In the b.g., a doctor in a white lab coat is attending a          patient. When he turns around WE SEE he is wearing an STP          insignia on his back.                                            STRIKER                   I wish I could say the same for George                   Zipp.                                            ELAINE                   Be patient, Ted. No one expects you to get                   over this immediately.                    Striker is despondent.                                            SGT. McCOBB (o.s.)                   Hey, Striker!                    INT. HOSPITAL - ANGLE - SGT. McCOBB - DAY                    He is posing for Striker's painting, contorted like a          pretzel, holding a machine gun in one hand and crying baby          in the other.                                            SGT. McCOBB                   How about a break? I'm getting tired!                                            STRIKER                   All right. Take five.                    McCobb untangles himself and walks off.                    INT. HOSPITAL - CLOSEUP - ELAINE - DAY                                            ELAINE                   I found a wonderful apartment for us. It's                   got a brick fireplace and a cute little                   bedroom with mirrors on the ceiling.                   And...                                            CAPTAIN GELINE (o.s.)                   I'm off course. Red Leader!!! Look out!!                                            STRIKER                   That's Captain Geline. He thinks he's a                   pilot, still fighting the war.                    INT. HOSPITAL - DAY                    Captain Geline agonizing and making bombing and machine gun          noises.                    INT. HOSPITAL - DAY                                            LIEUTENANT HURWITZ (o.s.)                   Groan.                                            ELAINE                   What's his problem?                                            STRIKER                   That's Lieutennt Hurwitz. Severe shell                   shock. He thinks he's Ethel Merman.                    INT. HOSPITAL - DAY                    Strapped to the bed is ETHEL MERMAN singing "EVERYTHING'S          COMING UP ROSES." She breaks loose from the straps for a          grand finale. Two attendants attempt to restrain her.                                                              DISSOLVE TO:                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - BACK TO STRIKER - NIGHT                                            RANDY                   Excuse me, sir. Would you like some coffee                   before we serve dinner?                                            STRIKER                   No. No thank you.                    Randy moves on to the Hammens.                                            RANDY                   Would either of you like another cup of                   coffee?                                            MRS. HAMMEN                   I will, but Jim won't.                                            MR. HAMMEN                   Yes, I think I will have another cup of                   coffee.                    CAMERA ZOOMS to CLOSEUP of Mrs. Hammen.                                            MRS. HAMMEN'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)                   Jim never has a second cup of coffee at                   home.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                    Randy approaches Sister Angelina. The guitar is on the seat          next to her.                                            RANDY                   Excuse me, Sister?                                            SISTER ANGELINA                   Yes?                                            RANDY                   There's a little girl on board who's ill                   and...                                            SISTER ANGELINA                   Oh yes, I saw. Poor child.                                            RANDY                   Could I borrow your guitar? I thought I                   might be able to cheer her up.                                            SISTER ANGELINA                   Of course.                    Randy takes the guitar and walks down the aisle. The guitar          clonks people on the back of the head. Randy approaches          Lisa.                                            RANDY                   Is it all right if I talk to your                   daughter?                                            MRS. DAVIS                   Oh, I think that would be nice.                                            RANDY                        (to Lisa, who is reading)                   Hi!                                            LISA                   Hi!                                            RANDY                   I'm Randy.                                            LISA                   I'm Lisa. Oh, you have a guitar!                                            RANDY                   I thought maybe you'd like to hear a song.                                            LISA                   Oh, I'd love to.                                            RANDY                   Okay, this is one of my favorites.                    Randy is sitting on the edge of the gurney as she strums          three opening chords.                                            RANDY                        (strumming and singing in                         ballad tempo)                   'I've traveled the banks of the River                   Jordan, to find where it flows to the                   sea.'                    Stewardesses and passengers notice the singer and peer          around corners and over seat backs. A man's head peers          upside down from the TOP OF THE FRAME.                                            RANDY                   'I looked in the eyes of the cold and the                   hungry and saw that I was looking at me.'                    As singing continues, Shirley and Jack look at each other          with saccherine smiles, the Hammens do the same, then the          Krishnas, then the Black Dudes. Finally, everyone is smiling          sweetly at each other.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Murdock and Oveur smile sweetly at each other...                    INT. CABIN - NIGHT                                            RANDY                        (singing and playing the                         guitar)                   'And I wanted to know if life had a                   purpose, and what it all means in the end.                   In the silence I listened to the voices                   inside me, and they told me again and                   again.'                    Tempo Jumps to rock pace.                                            RANDY                   'There is only one river. There is only                   one sea.'                    Randy, in her growing enthusiasm, swings her guitar,          knocking the I.V. connection tube from Lisa's arm. The I.V.          squirts, and Lisa turns pale and hollow≠cheeked. No one else          notices.                                            RANDY                   'And it flows through you, and it flows                   through me. There is only one people, we                   are one and the same.'                    Lisa manages to reconnect her I.V.                                            RANDY                        (still singing)                   'We are all one spirit, one name. We are                   the Father, we are the son.'                    Randy again knocks I.V. from Lisa's arm with guitar as the          passengers start to get into the music.                                            RANDY                   'In the Dawn of Creation. We are one.'                    Mrs. Davis rushes to reconnect Lisa's I.V. Lisa doesn't          react. Mrs. Davis pounds Lisa's chest.                                            RANDY & PASSENGERS                   'We are only one people, we are one and                   the same.'                    As Lisa revives, Randy swings her guitar and clonks Mrs.          Davis on the head.                                            RANDY & PASSENGERS                   'We are all one spirit on Earth, one                   name.'                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                                            RANDY & PASSENGERS (v.o.)                   'We are the Father, we are the son, and in                   the Dawn of Creation we are one.'                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Elaine enters with dinners.                                            OVEUR                   Hey, we've been waiting for you. A little                   bit late tonight.                                            ELAINE                   Who wants to be first?                                            MURDOCK                   Go ahead, Clarence, I got it.                    Oveur removes his headset, Elaine puts tray down.                                            ELAINE                   How's the weather?                                            MURDOCK                   Not so good. We've got some heavy stuff                   ahead of us. It might get rough again                   unless we can climb on top. But our                   airspeed is holding steady at six hundred                   ten knots.                                            ELAINE                   That's great. By the way, Joey Hammen                   asked me if you would autograph this                   basketball.                    Murdock autographs it reluctantly.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    A JAPANESE GENERAL, dressed in World War II uniform, is now          seated next to Striker.                                            STRIKER                   After the war, I just wanted to get as far                   away from things as possible. So Elaine                   and I joined the Peace Corps. We were                   assigned to an isolated tribe, the                   Molombos.                                                              DISSOLVE TO:                    EXT. AFRICAN VILLAGE - DAY                    Striker and Elaine are being escorted to the chief's hut by          two GUARDS. We hear Jungle Animal SOUNDS. The chief is          standing in front of his hut surrounded by several TRIBESMEN          who are making the jungle animal sounds.                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   They had never seen Americans before.                    When Striker and Elaine arrive, the CHIEF holds up his hands          and the sounds stop.                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   At first, they didn't know what to think                   of us; but soon we gained their trust.                    The Chief extends his right hand for conventional handshake.          Striker shows him power grip. When the Chief is pleased,          Striker gives him five. The Chief pauses then decks Striker.                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   It really was a challenge during the year                   introducing them to our Western culture.                                                              DISSOLVE TO:                    EXT. JUNGLE - ANOTHER AREA - DAY                    Elaine is having a Supperware party for native women.                                            ELAINE                   Also, Supperware products are ideal for                   storing leftovers to help stretch your                   food dollar. This two quart "Seals-M-Rite"                   container with a special "Close-M-Tite"                   lid keeps hotdog buns fresh for days and                   prevents sugared cereals from sticking.                    She scoops a ladle of corn mush from a carved wooden bowl          into a Supperware container.                                            ELAINE                   Meat and dairy products are protected                   against unwanted refrigerator odors when                   sealed in this non-slip pastel colored                   "Freez-o-leer".                    When she burps the lid, the Supperware makes a human burp          SOUND.                    EXT. JUNGLE - ANOTHER AREA - DAY                    Striker nailing crude basketball rim and net to tree.                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   You must understand that these people had                   been completely isolated from                   civilization.                    Striker demonstrates a two-handed set shot to natives. He          misses.                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   No one had ever outlined a physical                   fitness program for them and they had no                   athletic equipment.                    Native examines basketball for first time. After two slow          dribbles, he gracefully feints lefts, then, dribbling          through his legs, sinks a two-hand, over-the-head, reverse          dunk shot.                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   We also emphasized nutrition and taught                   them to watch their diets.                    Another native hits a long jump shot.                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   The exercise improved their physical                   fitness and condition.                    One shot after another swishes through the basketball rim.                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   My working with them seemed to reinforce                   our objectives of group cooperation and                   controlled-competitive activity.                    Striker approaches Elaine who is standing on the sideline.          As they talk, the natives are passing the ball around and          shooting baskets Harlem Globetrotter fashion.                                            STRIKER                   I think they're getting the hang of it!                   When we re-enlist I'll teach them                   baseball!                                            ELAINE                   Ted, I don't want to stay here. It's time                   for us to go back home -- to the plans we                   made before the war.                                            STRIKER                   A lot of people made plans before the war.                   Like George Zipp.                    Elaine walks away, dejectedly. CAMERA STAYS with Striker as          he pours Gator-Ade into a glass.                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   I guess it was at that moment that I first                   realized Elaine had doubts about our                   relationship. And that as much as anything                   else led to my drinking problem.                    Striker has a problem drinking. He raises his glass of          Gator-Ade, then suddenly pours it on his forehead.                                                              DISSOLVE TO:                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                                            STRIKER                   We did come back to the States. I tried a                   number of jobs...Well, I could go on for                   hours, but I'd probably start to bore you.                    The Japanese General is kneeling on the seat committing Hari          Kari.                                            STRIKER                   You know, I really couldn't blame Elaine.                   She wanted a career. I was offered a job                   at Boeing but I couldn't bring myself to                   take it...                    EXT. LAX PASSENGER LOADING AREA - NIGHT                    The businessman waiting in Striker's cab checks his watch.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    THUNDER and lightning.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Shirley is ill and holding her stomach in pain.                                            SHIRLEY                   Oh, I can't stand it.                                            JACK                   What is it?                    Elaine approaches.                                            ELAINE                   Yes?                                            SHIRLEY                   My, stomach. I haven't felt this awful                   since we saw that Lina Wertmuller film.                                            ELAINE                   I'll see if I can find some Dramamine.                    Elaine exits.                                            SHIRLEY                   OOOOOO.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - STEWARDESS ALCOVE - NIGHT                    Elaine is on the phone.                                            ELAINE                   Captain, one of the women passengers is                   very sick.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Joey enters to retrieve basketball. Murdock is wearing          goggles.                                             OVEUR                   Airsick?                                            ELAINE                   I think so, but I've never seen it so                   acute.                                            OVEUR                   Find out if there's a doctor on board, as                   quietly as you can.                    Oveur hangs up phone.                                            OVEUR                   Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish                   prison?                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                                            MR. HAMMEN                        (nauseous)                   Oooh, I shouldn't have had that second cup                   of coffee.                    He grabs for motion sickness bag. CAMERA ZOOMS to CLOSEUP of          Mrs. Hammen.                                            MRS. HAMMEN'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)                   Jim never vomits at home.                    EXT. AIRPLANE                    THUNDER and lightning.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Elaine is speaking to couple.                                            ELAINE                   I'm sorry I had to wake you. I'm just                   looking for a doctor. There's nothing to                   worry about.                    Middle-aged lady, MRS. YAFFE, having overheard this          conversation, beckons to Elaine.                                            MRS. YAFFE                   Stewardess, I think the man next to me is                   a doctor.                    The MAN next to her is wearing a surgical cap with mask.          Hanging around his neck is a stethoscope. He's sleeping.                                            ELAINE                   Sir. Excuse me, sir. I'm sorry to have to                   wake you. Are you a doctor?                                            DR. RUMACK                   That's right.                                            ELAINE                   We have some passengers who are very sick.                   Could you come and take a look at them?                                            DR. RUMACK                   Yes. Yes, of course.                    Rumack picks up bag and exits with Elaine.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                    Rumack and Elaine enter. Rumack stoops over to Shirley, and          surgical instrument is slapped into his hand from o.s. He          pokes her stomach with his hand.                                            DR. RUMACK                   Pain there?                    She winces and nods.                                            DR. RUMACK                   May I see your tongue, please?                    She sticks her tongue out. Rumack pulls on it until it is          obviously too long. He continues to pull, and the tongue          becomes multi-colored magician's scarves. Then he pulls out          a bouquet of flowers followed by a white dove.                                            DR. RUMACK                   I'll be back in a minute.                    Rumack takes Elaine aside.                                            DR. RUMACK                   You'd better tell the Captain. We've got                   to land as soon as we can. This woman has                   to be gotten to a hospital.                                            ELAINE                   A hospital? What is it?                                            DR. RUMACK                   It's a big building with patients. But                   that's not important right now. Tell the                   Captain I must speak to him.                                            ELAINE                   Certainly.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - THUNDER AND LIGHTNING - NIGHT                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            OVEUR                        (into mike)                   Thank you, Omaha. Two-zero-niner out.                        (to Basta)                   Victor, we're running into a heavy storm,                   can you...                    Oveur turns to see Basta slumped over the console.                    Dramatic MUSIC.                                            OVEUR                   Victor! Roger, take over!                    Oveur lifts Basta onto ground.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    THUNDER and lightning.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Murdock, flying the plane alone, wipes his brow and appears          ill.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - OUTSIDE COCKPIT DOOR - NIGHT                                            DR. RUMACK                   Captain, how soon can we land?                                            OVEUR                   I can't tell.                                            DR. ROMACK                   You can tell me. I'm a doctor!                                            OVEUR                   No. I mean I'm just not sure.                                            DR. RUMACK                   Can't you take a guess?                                            OVEUR                   Well...not for another two hours.                                            DR. RUMACK                   You can't take a guess for another two                   hours?                                            OVEUR                   No, I mean we can't land for another two                   hours. Fog has closed down everything this                   side of the mountains. We've got to go                   through to Chicago!                    Suddenly, the plane rocks violently. Rumack and Oveur lose          balance.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    THUNDER and lightning -- plane is flying erratically.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Murdock, unconscious, is slumped over controls. Oveur and          Rumack burst into cockpit. Oveur gets into pilot's seat.          Elaine enters.                                            OVEUR                        (excitedly)                   Get him out of there!                    INSERT - ALTIMETER AND FLIGHT CONTROLS                    Altitude is fluctuating.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Oveur struggles with controls. They extricate Murdock from          behind the wheel. He is wearing shorts, kneepads, and          basketball shoes.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    climbing and diving.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Passengers are being tossed about. A woman, applying          lipstick, smears it over her face.                    INSERT - LIGHTED SYMBOLS                     -- cigarette with line slashed through, and couple          copulating with line slashed through.                    INT. CABIN - NIGHT                    Randy loses her balance and shoves dinner into a passenger's          face.                    INT. COCKPIT - OVEUR - NIGHT                    struggling with controls, finally regains level flight.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    THUNDER and lightning -- plane levels off.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    The St. Christopher statue is holding a motion discomtort          bag to its mouth.                                            OVEUR                   What is it, Doctor? What's happening?                                            DR. RUMACK                   I'm not sure. I haven't seen anything like                   this since the Lina Wertmuller Film                   Festival.                    Rumack and Elaine are now standing face-to-face. Oveur, in          the f.g., is at controls.                                            DR. RUMACK                   What was it we had for dinner tonight?                                            ELAINE                   Well, we had a choice. Steak or fish.                                            DR. RUMACK                   Yes, yes, I remember. I had lasagna.                    He points to Johnson.                                            DR. RUMACK                   What did he have?                                            ELAINE                   He had fish.                    Randy enters cockpit.                                            RANDY                   We have two more sick people, and the rest                   of the passengers are worried.                                            OVEUR                   I'll take care of the passengers. Elaine,                   find out what the two sick people had for                   dinner.                        (into P.A.)                   This is Captain Oveur speaking.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Passengers are listening to P.A.                                            OVEUR (v.o.)                   It's been a little bumpy up here but we'll                   be past it in a few minutes.                    Randy and Elaine drag Murodck and Basta down center aisle.                                            OVEUR (v.o.)                   A couple points of interest: we're just                   now passing over the Hoover Dam and later                   on, our course will take us just south of                   the Grand Canyon.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            OVEUR                   Meanwhile, relax and enjoy the rest of                   your flight. Okay? Okay!                    He hangs up phone and turns to Rumack.                                            OVEUR                   That should do it.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Absolute pandemonium. Passengers are yelling, screaming,          tearing their hair out, climbing about.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            OVEUR                        (into microphone)                   Chicago, this is flight two-zero-niner.                   We're in trouble.                    INT. O'HARE WEATHER CENTER - CLOSEUP - TYPEWRITER - NIGHT                    CAMERA PULLS OUT to reveal DISPATCHER typing Oveur's          message.                                            OVEUR (v.o.)                   We've got to have all altitudes below us                   cleared and priority approach and landing                   in Chicago. Over.                                            DISPATCHER                   We read you. Stand by, two-zero-niner.                    When he tries to remove paper from typewriter, it rips in          half.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    THUNDER and lightning.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Randy approaches Hammens. Mr. Hammen is sick.                                            RANDY                   Yes?                                            MRS. HAMMEN                   Oh, Stewardess. My husband is very sick.                   Can you do something, please?                                            RANDY                   Well, the doctor will be with you in just                   a moment. One thing: do you know what he                   had for dinner?                                            MRS. HAMMEN                   Yes, of course. We both had fish. Why?                                            RANDY                   Oh, it's nothing to be alarmed about.                   We'll get back to you very quickly.                    She turns to walk toward CAMERA with horrified expression.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Elaine enters, turns to face Rumack. Oveur is at controls in          f.g.                                            ELAINE                   Doctor Rumack, Mister Hammen ate fish. And                   Randy says there are five more cases, and                   they ate fish, too.                                            DR. RUMACK                   Let's see now. The co-pilot had fish. What                   did the navigator eat?                                            ELAINE                   He had fish, too.                    Oveur is picking up on the conversation.                                            DR. RUMACK                   All right, now we know what we're up                   against. Every passenger on this plane who                   ate fish for dinner will become violently                   ill within the next half hour.                    Oveur looks down at his dinner tray and sees skeleton of the          fish he just ate.                                            ELAINE                   Just how serious is it, doctor?                                            DR. RUMACK                   Extremely serious. It starts with a slight                   fever.                    Oveur experiences what the doctor is describing.                                            DR. RUMACK                   Then a dryness in the throat. As the virus                   penetrates the red blood cells the victim                   becomes dizzy and begins to experience a                   rash and itching. From there the poison                   works its way into the central nervous                   system causing severe muscle spasms,                   followed by the inevitable drooling. At                   this point, the entire digestive system is                   rendered useless, causing the complete                   collapse of the lower bowels, accompanied                   by uncontrollable flatulence...until                   finally the poor bastard is reduced to a                   quivering, wasted piece of jelly.                    Oveur passes out and pitches forward onto the controls.          Rumack and Elaine lose balance as plane dives.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    THUNDER and lightning as plane is diving.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Passengers are being tossed about. A woman, applying rouge,          smears it all over her face.                    INT. CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - CLOSEUP - A PLATE OF JELLO                    wiggling. CAMERA PANS UP to braless woman whose breasts are          wiggling.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    As they finally untangle Oveur from the wheel, he gains          semi-consciousness.                                            OVEUR                        (gasping)                   Turn...on...automatic pilot.                    Oveur passes out.                                            ELAINE                   Uh, automatic pilot...automatic pilot?                    INSERT - ELAINE'S POV - CONTROL PANEL - NIGHT                    ELAINE                    is frantically searching for automatic pilot button.                                            ELAINE                   There it is!                    INSERT - SWITCH MARKED "AUTOMATIC PILOT"                    Elaine's hand tenuously reaches for and turns switch to          "ON".                    INT. COCKPIT - CO-PILOT'S SEAT - NIGHT                    SOUND of rushing air as instantly inflatable balloon pilot          takes shape in seat with hands on wheel. His uniform and cap          are painted on, and he has an alert "leave the driving to          us" expression on his face. The plane immediately regains          level flight, and Elaine and Rumack sigh in relief.                                            DR. RUMACK                   I'll get back to the passengers.                    Rumack exits.                                            McCROSKEY (v.o.)                        (over radio)                   Come in two-zero-niner. This is Chicago.                   Flight two-zero-niner, come in, please.                    Elaine picks up mike while still standing.                                            ELAINE                   This is Elaine Dickinson. I'm the                   stewardess. Captain Oveur is passed out on                   the floor, and we've lost the co-pilot and                   navigator, too. We're in terrible trouble.                   Over.                                            OVEUR (o.s.)                   Groan!                                            McCROSKEY (v.o.)                   Elaine! Roger, Roger! I read you. This is                   Steve McCroskey at Chicago Air Control.                                            ELAINE                   Hi, Steve!                                            McCROSKEY (v.o.)                   Now listen carefully. Is the automatic                   pilot on? Over.                                            ELAINE                   Yes. Yes, it is. Over.                                            OVEUR (o.s.)                   Huh?                                            McCROSKEY (v.o.)                   Very good. Now, Elaine, where are you?                   Over.                                            ELAINE                   I'm standing over Oveur. Over.                    INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT                                            McCROSKEY                        (into mike)                   All right, Elaine. Just hold on. We'll be                   back to you in a minute.                    CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal dispatch is a beehive of          activity. The Chief Dispatcher, STEVE McCROSKEY, is barking          orders to AIR CONTROLLER #1.                                            McCROSKEY                   Hold all takeoffs. I don't want another                   plane in the air. When the 508 reports,                   bring it straight in.                    Air Controller #1 exits quickly. McCroskey picks up phone.                                            McCROSKEY                   Put out a general bulletin to suspend all                   meal service on flights out of Los                   Angeles.                    He hangs up phone and talks to AIR CONTROLLER #2.                                            McCROSKEY                   Tell all dispatchers to remain at their                   posts. It's going to be a long night.                    Air Controller #2 exits. McCroskey notices he is out of          coffee and turns to AIR CONTROLLER HINSHAW.                                            McCROSKEY                   And how about some coffee, Johnny?                                            HINSHAW                   No thanks.                    AIR CONTROLLER #3 enters.                                            McCROSKEY                   I want the weather on every landing field                   on this side of the Rockies, no matter                   what the size.                    Air Controller #3 exits. AIR CONTROLLER #4 enters.                                            McCROSKEY                   Do you understand?                    Air Controller #4 exits. AIR CONTROLLER #5 enters.                                            McCROSKEY                   Any place where there's a chance to land                   this plane.                    Air Controller #5 exits. SIAMESE TWINS enter.                                            McCROSKEY                   Stan, go upstairs to the tower and get a                   runway diagram. Terry, check down on the                   field for emergency equipment.                    Siamese Twins leave. In the b.g. we see them trying to walk          in opposite directions. Air Controller #1 enters.                                            AIR CONTROLLER #1                   Chief, there's fog down to the deck                   everywhere east of the Rockies. There's no                   possible place they can land. They'll have                   to come through to Chicago.                                            McCROSKEY                   Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit                   smoking.                    He lights up a cigarette. McCroskey walks toward a table and          leans on his hands.                                            McCROSKEY                   I want the best available man on this. A                   man who knows this plane inside and out                   and won't crack under pressure.                                            HINSHAW                   How about Sal Mineo?                                            McCROSKEY                   Get me Rex Kramer!                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    Lightning and THUNDER.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Elaine is in the pilot's seat and the inflated automatic          pilot is in co-pilot's seat.                                            McCROSKEY (v.o.)                   Now, Elaine, right next to the throttle is                   the air speed gauge. What speed does it                   indicate?                                            ELAINE                   Three hundred twenty miles per hour.                    INSERT - AIR SPEED GAUGE                    BACK TO SCENE                    We see, but Elaine does not notice, the automatic pilot very          slowly beginning to deflate.                                            McCROSKEY (v.o.)                   Good. Now check your altitude. That's the                   dial just below and to the right of the                   air speed indicator.                                            ELAINE                   Thirty-five thousand feet.                    INSERT - ALTIMATER                    Altitude is dropping.                    BACK TO SCENE                                            ELAINE                   No, wait. Now it says thirty-four thousand                   feet. It's dropping! It's dropping fast!                   Why is it doing that?                    By now the automatic pilot is really slumped over as it is          quite deflated. It is staring at her with a half smile.          Elaine notices it.                                            ELAINE                   Oh, my God! The automatic pilot! It's                   deflating!                                            McCROSKEY (v.o.)                   All right, Elaine, don't worry. We have an                   auxiliary inflation system. Just follow my                   instructions.                                            ELAINE                   Okay, but please hurry! We're dropping                   fast!                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Passengers are being tossed about. Rumack is examining a          female patient.                                            DR. RUMACK                   What the hell's going on up there?                    Rumack starts toward cockpit.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            McCROSKEY (v.o.)                   Now, Elaine, don't panic. On the belt line                   of the automatie pilot there is a hollow                   tube. Can you see that?                                            ELAINE                   Yes. Yes, I can see it.                                            McCROSKEY (v.o.)                   Good. Now that's the manual inflation                   nozzle. Pull it out and blow it up like a                   balloon.                    Elaine kneels over automatic pilot's crotch, puts tube in          her mouth and blows. Automatic pilot inflates. Rumack bursts          into cockpit.                    RUMACK'S POV                    Back of automatic pilot with Elaine kneeling over its          crotch.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - OUTSIDE OF COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Rumack slams the door in disbelief.                    CLOSEUP - AUTOMATIC PILOT                    with a big smile on its face.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                    Passengers are relieved as plane regains level flight.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - THROUGH COCKPIT WINDOW - NIGHT                    Elaine and automatic pilot are relaxed in their seats. Both          are smoking cigarettes.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    THUNDER and lightning.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Rumack enters.                                            DR. RUMACK                   Elaine, you're a member of this crew. Can                   you face some unpleasant facts?                                            ELAINE                   No.                                            DR. RUMACK                   All right. Unless I can get all these                   people to a hospital quickly, I can't even                   be sure of saving their lives. Now, is                   there anyone else on board who can land                   this plane?                                            ELAINE                   Well...                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Striker, struggling with drinking problem, pours drink          between his cheek and ear.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            ELAINE                   No. No one that I know of.                                            DR. RUMACK                   I think you ought to know what our chances                   are. The life of everyone on board depends                   on just one thing: finding someone back                   there who not only can fly this plane, but                   who didn't have fish for dinner.                    CAMERA ZOOMS into CLOSEUP of Elaine's face as she realizes          the severity of the situation.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    THUNDER and lightning.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Passengers are listening to P.A.                                            ELAINE (v.o.)                   Ladies and gentlemen, this is your                   stewardess speaking. We regret any                   inconvenience the sudden cabin movement                   might have caused.                    Randy drags unconscious pilot, Oveur, down center aisle.                                            ELAINE (v.o.)                   This is due to periodic air pockets we                   encounter. There is no reason to become                   alarmed, and we hope you enjoy the rest of                   your flight. By the way, is there anyone                   on ≠board who knows how to fly a plane?                    Absolute pandemonium. Passengers are yelling, screaming,          tearing their hair out and climbing around. A naked woman          runs down the aisle. Sister Mary is choking a Krishna. Two          passengers are dueling with swords. A Spanish-speaking lady          waits for her husband to translate the announcement, then          panics.                    INT. KRAMER'S HOUSE                    SOUND of car screeching to a stop. PAUL CAREY, twenty-four          year-old, cleancut, naive-looking, navigator trainee enters          and pushes doorbell. We HEAR the typical eight-note chime          progression. The CHIMES then play the Air Force Fight song.          A dog BARKS and MRS. KRAMER opens the door.                                            CAREY                   Hello, I'm Paul Carey from the airline.                   I'm here to pick up Captain Kramer.                                            MRS. KRAMER                   Oh, yes. Come in, Paul. Rex will be right                   out.                    INT. KRAMER'S HOUSE - NIGHT                    When Carey enters, a big dog jumps on him with its paws on          his chest.                                            MRS. KRAMER                   Shep, sit...sit! So, I understand you've                   got a real emergency down there.                                            CAREY                        (holding off dog)                   Well, to tell the truth, they really                   didn't fill me in on many of the details.                   Just told me to pick up Captain Kramer.                                            MRS. KRAMER                   Something about a plane with no pilot?                    Carey begins to lose battle with the dog, while trying to          remain polite.                                            CAREY                   Yeah, something like that, but as I say,                   they didn't have time to tell me very                   much.                                            MRS. KRAMER                   Shep, no! I'll bet you have exciting                   things happen all the time down there.                    Shep is growling and Carey's arm is locked firmly in his          Jaws.                                            CAREY                   Well...the airline business...does have...                   its moments...                    Shep pins Carey against the wall, ripping his sleeve.                                            CAREY                   ...but after...awhile...you begin to...                        (gasp)                   ...get used to it.                                            MRS. KRAMER                   Shep, no! He gets so excited when new                   people are here.                    We hear a THUD and loud growling.                                            MRS. KRAMER                   Are you a pilot yourself?                    Carey is on the floor desperately fighting off the dog,          which is on top of him.                                            CAREY                   I'm...in a...argh...navigator training                   program.                    KRAMER enters, buttoning his coat.                                            KRAMER                   It's unbelievable! How many times have I                   warned those people about food inspection?                    Kramer is tying his tie in the mirror. In the corner of the          mirror, Carey is being thrashed by the dog.                                            KRAMER                   The airport management, the F.A.A., and                   the airlines, they're all cheats and                   liars! All right, let's get out of here.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    THUNDER and lightning.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Randy is talking to Krishnas.                                            RANDY                   Sorry to bother you. We were just looking                   for someone with flying experience.                    Randy exits. They return to reading their PLAYRAMA magazine          with a female Hari Krishna in a sexy pose on the cover.                                            HARI KRISHNA #1                   Hari Rama?                                            HARI KRISHNA #2                   Rama Rama.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                    Striker is sitting next to a MAN FROM INDIA in a business          suit and turban.                                            STRIKER                   You see, the day we left the village it                   was raining, so we had to take a special                   jeep to the main road...                    The Indian is dousing himself with a can of gasoline. In          b.g. Randy is talking to passengers.                                            STRIKER                   In fact, we were lucky to even get a jeep                   since just the day before the only one we                   had broke down -- it had a bad axle...                    The Indian lights a match to immolate himself. Randy          approaches.                                            RANDY                   Excuse me, sir. There's been a little                   problem in the cockpit and I was                   wondering...                                            STRIKER                   The cockpit? What is it?                                            RANDY                   It's the little room at the front of the                   plane where the pilots sit. But that's not                   important right now. The first officer is                   ill and the Captain would like someone                   with flying experience to help him with                   the radio. Do you know anything about                   planes?                    The Indian holds the match, awaiting the outcome.                                            STRIKER                   Well, I flew in the war, but that was a                   long time ago. I wouldn't know anything                   about it.                                            RANDY                   Would you go up, please?                    He has a moment of indecision. The Indian encourages Striker          with an adamant nod. Striker gets up to leave. The Indian,          relieved, blows out the match.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                    Jack is sitting across the aisle from a 65-year-old          con≠servatively dressed SPINSTER. He pulls a flask from his          coat pocket and takes a swig. She eyes him dis≠approvingly.                                            JACK                   Would ya like a little whiskey, ma'am?                                            SPINSTER                         (insulted)                   Certainly not.                    She inserts a two inch straw in her nose and snorts a couple          lines of cocaine off a piece of glass.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Striker enters.                                            STRIKER                        (to Rumack and Randy)                   The stewardess said...                    STRIKER'S POV                    Empty pilot's seat and inflated automatic pilot.                                            STRIKER                   Both pilots!                                            DR. RUMACK                   Can you fly this airplane and land it?                                            STRIKER                   Surely you can't be serious.                                            DR. RUMACK                   I am serious, and don't call me Shirley!                   What flying experience have you had?                                            STRIKER                   Well, I flew single-engine fighters in the                   Air Force, but this plane has four                   engines. It's an entirely different kind                   of flying...all together!!!                                            RANDY/RUMACK                        (all together)                   It's an entirely different kind of flying.                                            STRIKER                   Besides, I haven't touched any ≠kind of                   plane in six years.                                            DR. RUMACK                   Mister Striker. I know nothing about                   flying. All I know is this: you're the                   only person on this plane who can possibly                   fly it. You're the only chance we've got.                    DRAMATIC MUSIC as Striker turns to face the controls.                    STRIKER'S POV                    CAMERA PANS controls. CAMERA KEEPS PANNING and PANNING as WE          SEE more and more controls ad absurdum.                    EXT. LAX PASSENGER LOADING AREA - NIGHT                    INSERT METER - $ll5.25. The businessman in Striker's cab          checks his watch.                    INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT                                            McCROSKEY                         (to Air Controller)                   Tell Omaha to acknowledge and standby.                         (into phone)                   Get every piece of emergency equipment you                   can reach.                        (to Air Controller)                   Alert at every mile of the way from here                   to the mountains.                    Hinshaw grabs Air Controller #1's tummy.                                            HINSHAW                   Would anyone care for a roll and coffee?                    Phone RINGS.                                            AIR CONTROLLER #2                   Chief?                                            McCROSKEY                   We'll need a pre-landing flight check.                   Tell 'em I'm in the dispatch office and I                   want it here fast.                                            AIR CONTROLLER #2                   It's your wife.                                            McCROSKEY                         (into phone)                   I want the kids in bed by nine. I want the                   dog fed, the yard watered, and the gate                   locked. And get a note to the milkman --                   no more cheese!                    He slams dowm the phone. He leans his hands on the desk.                                            McCROSKEY                   Where the hell is Kramer?                    On the wall behind him there is a picture of McCroskey          leaning his hands on a desk.                    INT. CAR - NIGHT                    Kramer and a mutilated Carey are en route to airport. Kramer          is at the wheel. Through rear window is obvious REAR          PROJECTION of passing road.                                            KRAMER                        (into phone)                   No, we can't do that; the risk of a                   flameout is too great. Keep him 24,000.                   No, feet!                    He hangs up phone.                                            KRAMER                   One of the passengers is going to land                   that plane.                                            CAREY                   Is that possible?                                            KRAMER                   Possible, but it's a hundred to one shot.                   Thousand to one. I know this guy.                                            CAREY                   You do? Who is it?                    We hear A THUNK. REAR PROJECTION shows he has run oyer a          bicyclist, who stands and gives the finger.                                            KRAMER                   His name is Ted Striker. I flew with him                   during the war. And that won't make my job                   any easier tonight.                    REAR PROJECTION SPEEDS UP to obvious FAST MOTION.                                            KRAMER                   Ted Striker was a crack flight leader up                   to a point. But he was one of those men                   who, well, let's just say he felt too much                   inside. Maybe you know the kind.                    Now REAR PROJECTION indicates car is turning and then          weaving, but Kramer does not move wheel.                                            KRAMER                   It takes a certain type to perform under                   pressure. Striker didn't have it.                    By now REAR PROJECTION is cowboys and Indians on horseback          chasing and shooting at Kramer's car.                                            KRAMER                   Ate his heart out over every name on the                   casualty lists. The upshot of it is that                   he went all to pieces on one particular                   mission. Let's just hope it doesn't happen                   again tonight.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    THUNDER and lightning.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Striker is in pilot's seat. Rumack is standing behind him.                                            STRIKER                   Let's see, altitude twenty-four thousand                   feet, level flight, air speed four hundred                   sixty knots, course zero niner zero, trim,                   mixture, landing gear, balance.                    Elaine enters.                                            ELAINE                   Ted! What are you doing? You can't fly                   this plane!                                            STRIKER                   That's what I've been trying to tell these                   people.                                            DR. RUMACK                   Elaine, I haven't time to put this gently,                   so I'll be very direct. Everyone of us on                   this plane is in a desperate situation.                   Mister Striker is the only hope we've got.                                            STRIKER                   Let's see. Those are the flaps, that's the                   thrust, this must turn on the landing                   lights.                    He flips a switch. The plane dives.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    The plane is diving.                    INT. LAVATORY - JACK                    Jack is standing at toilet. He is jolted back and forth          against the walls.                    INSERT - SIGN                    flashing:              RETURN TO SEAT                                GOBACKEN SIDONNA                    INT. COCKPIT NIGHT                                            STRIKER                        (into mike)                   Mayday!                    INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   Mayday! Mayday!                                            McCROSKEY                        (surprised)                   Mayday? What the hell is that for?                                            HINSHAW                   It's the Russian New Year! We'll have a                   parade! They'll serve hot hors d'oeuvres!                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Striker flips switch and rights plane.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    Level flight.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            McCROSKEY (v.o.)                   Two-zero-niner, are you okay up there?                                            STRIKER                   Yeah, I was just trying out the landing                   lights.                    Elaine and Rumack exchange glances.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                                            MRS. HAMMEN                   I've got to get out of here! I can't stand                   it! I've got to get out of here!                    Randy pushes up and shakes Mrs. Hammen by the shoulders.                                            RANDY                   Calm down. Get hold of yourself!                                            JACK                   Stewardess, let me handle this.                    Randy leaves, Jack shakes Mrs. Hammen by the shoulders.                                            JACK                   Get hold of yourself! Get hold of                   yourself!                                            DR. RUMACK                        (to Jack)                   Get back to your seat; I'll take care of                   this.                    Jack leaves; Rumack shakes Mrs. Hammen by the shoulders.                                            DR. RUMACK                   Calm down. Calm down. Get hold of                   yourself!                    Sister Angelina taps Rumack on the shoulder.                                            SISTER ANGELINA                        (to Rumack)                   Doctor, you're wanted on the phone.                    Sister Angelina starts shaking Mrs. Hammen.                                            SISTER ANGELINA                   Everything will be all right. Please get                   hold of yourself.                    We see a line of passengers behind Sister Angelina waiting          to shake Mrs. Hammen.                    EXT. AIRFIELD - SIGN - NIGHT                    reads:         CHICAGO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT                         OVER 16 BILLION PLANES LANDED                    INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT                    As Kramer rushes through the lobby, he is approached by a          series of religious zealots. In quick succession he decks          each one karate style, shooting the last zealot twenty feet          away with a .44 Magnum.                    INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - LONG SHOT - NIGHT                                            P.A. #1 (v.o.)                   Your attention, please. Flight four-one-                   seven now departing the B Concourse, gate                   six.                                            P.A. #2 (v.o.)                   Your attention, please. Flight twenty-                   seven now arriving the B Concourse, gate                   six.                    There is a LOUD CRASH, and the SCENE SHAKES.                    INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT                                            AIR CONTROLLER #1                        (into phone)                   This guy doing the flying has no airline                   experience at all. He'll be a menace to                   himself and everything else in the air...                        (he pauses to listen)                   ...Yes, birds too.                    Kramer enters, picks up clipboard, and reads it.                                            McCROSKEY                        (into phone)                   Okay, okay. He's a terrible risk, but what                   other choice have we got?                    McCroskey hangs up phone.                                            McCROSKEY                   Well, that's the whole story, Rex,                   everything we know.                                            KRAMER                   All right, Steve, let's face a few facts.                    Kramer whips off his sunglasses. Underneath is another pair          of sunglasses.                                            KRAMER                   As you know, I flew with this man,                   Striker, during the war. He'll have enough                   on his mind without remembering those days                   when -- well, when things weren't so good.                                            McCROSKEY                   Well, right now things aren't so good. And                   while we're talking there are a hundred                   and thirty-eight lives waiting on us for a                   decision.                                            KRAMER                   Let me tell you something, Steve. Striker                   was a top-notch squadron leader -- a long                   time ago...                    A spear slams into the wall behind Kramer.                                            KRAMER                   ...but my feeling is that when the going                   gets rough upstairs tonight, Ted Striker's                   gonna fold up.                                            McCROSKEY                   Look, Rex -- I want you to get on the horn                   and talk this guy down! You're going to                   have to let him get the feel of this                   airplane on the way; you'll have to talk                   him onto the approach; and so help me,                   you'll have to talk him right down to the                   ground!                    A watermelon falls from TOP OF FRAME, splattering on the          table.                                            KRAMER                   Very well then. Put Striker on the                   speaker.                                            McCROSKEY                   Okay, you can use the radio over there.                   Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit                   drinking.                    He pulls a flask trom the drawer and takes a swig.                    INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT                    Kramer at dispatch radio. He picks up mike.                                            KRAMER                   Striker, Striker, this is Captain Rex                   Kramer speaking.                    McCroskey joins Kramer at dispatch radio.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    DRAMATIC MUSIC as we see Striker's ominous look of          recognition.                                            STRIKER                        (dramatically)                   Yes, Captain Kramer. Read you loud and                   clear.                    INT. DISPATCH - NIGHT                    Kramer sits at the mike. An Air Controller is standing next          to him, but only his mid-section is in FRAME.                                            KRAMER                   All right. It's obvious you remember me.                    The Air Controller is scratching his behind.                                            KRAMER                   So what do you say you and I just forget                   about everything except what we have to do                   now?                    The Air Controller is now scratching his crotch.                                            KRAMER                   You and I are going to bring this plane in                   together.                    The Air Controller's hand is now inside his pants          straightening out his underwear.                                            KRAMER                   Before we start, I'd like to say                   something. I know that right now things                   must look pretty rough up there.                    The Air Controller is now hopping around with both hands          inside his pants.                                            KRAMER                   But if you do what I tell you, when I tell                   you to do it, there's no reason you can't                   bring that plane in.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            STRIKER                   Let's not kid each other, Kramer. You know                   I've never flown a bucket like this. I'm                   going to need all the luck there is.                    INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                   Stand by, Striker.                        (to McCroskey)                   The one hope we have is to build this man                   up. I've got to give him all the                   confidence I can.                        (into microphone)                   All right, Striker, have you ever flown a                   multi-engine plane before?                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   No. Never.                                            KRAMER                   Shit!                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Striker over hears conversation on radio.                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                   This is a goddamn waste of time. There's                   no way he can land this plane! Route 'em                   into Lake Michigan and at least avoid                   killing innocent people!                    INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT                                            McCROSKEY                   Grab hold of yourself! You've got to talk                   them down. You're the only chance they've                   got!                    Kramer lights cigarette.                                            KRAMER                        (into mike)                   All right, Striker, now you listen to me                   and you listen close. Flying is no                   different than riding a bicycle...it just                   happens to be a lot harder to put baseball                   cards in the spokes. Now, if you just                   follow my instructions...                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Two vultures are sitting on back of Striker's seat.                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                   ...there's no reason why you shouldn't                   have complete confidence in your chances                   to come out of this thing alive and in one                   piece.                    INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                   First, I want you to familiarize yourself                   with the controls. Later we'll run through                   the landing procedure.                    Kramer takes a last drag on his cigarette and tosses it out          the window. McCroskey plugs his ears with his fingers and          ducks as though Kramer had thrown a grenade. There is an          EXPLOSION O.S.                                            KRAMER                   All right. Now I'd like you to disengage                   the automatic pilot. But watch any violent                   movement of the controls, like you used to                   make in Spitfires and Phantoms.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            STRIKER                        (into microphone)                   Okay, I'm going to unlock the automatic                   pilot.                    Striker switches off automatic pilot button. Automatic pilot          shoots upward out of the seat. Elaine is thrown to the          floor. Striker struggles desperately to control the plane.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    flying erratically.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                        (matter of factly)                   Just remember, the controls will feel very                   heavy compared to a fighter.                    Striker is fighting the wheel and the autopilot which is          drifting in his way. Finally, he throws the autopilot to the          rear of the cockpit.                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                   Don't worry about that. It's perfectly                   normal. You must watch your airspeed                   closely. Don't let it fall below 520. Both                   your rudder pedals and elevator trim will                   have additional play due to increased                   drag, but you can compensate by lowering                   manifold pressure below 154. Now there's                   one other thing. Have you someone up there                   who can work the radio and leave you free                   for flying?                                            STRIKER                   Yes! The stewardess is here with me!                    Elaine rises. The autopilot is on her back, its hands          clinging to her breasts. She removes it and seats it at          engineer's console.                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                   Have her take the co-pilot's seat.                    Elaine takes her seat as Striker regains control of the          plane. He hands Elaine the mike.                                            STRIKER                   The radio's all yours now. And keep an eye                   on that number three engine. It's running                   a little hot.                    INSERT - NUMBER THREE ENGINE GAUGE                    A LITTLE HOT is blinking.                    BACK TO INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                   Striker, what kind of weather are you in                   up there?                                            ELAINE                        (into microphone)                   Rain.                                            STRIKER                   And a little ice.                                            ELAINE                   And a little ice!                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                   How's it handling?                                            STRIKER                   Sluggish. Like a wet sponge.                                            ELAINE                        (into microphone)                   Sluggish. Like a wet sponge.                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                        (patronizing)                   All right, Striker, you're doing just                   fine.                                            STRIKER                        (to Elaine)                   It's a damn good thing he doesn't know how                   much I hate his guts.                                            ELAINE                        (into microphone)                   It's a damn good thing you don't know how                   much he hates your guts.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    A Black Dude is holding his stomach in pain.                                            BLACK DUDE                   Oooooooh.                    Randy approaches.                                            RANDY                   Can I get something for you?                                            BLACK DUDE                   Cain fo' gwine sho fi cun for.                                            RANDY                   I'm sorry. I don't understand.                    MRS. SCHIFF, a middle-aged woman, is seated behind the Black          Dudes.                                            MRS. SCHIFF                   Oh, stewardess, I can speak jive. He said                   he's in great pain and wants to know if                   you can help him.                                            RANDY                   Tell him to relax and I'll be back as                   quickly as I can with some medicine.                    Randy exits.                                            MRS. SCHIFF                   Shi gwine man chitlun down for mo sho.                                            BLACK DUDE                        (indignantly)                   Shi man I ain neba mo fo gwine ain.                    They engage in an argument in jive talk, with Mrs. Schiff          getting the best of it. She swaggers off in typical black          dude fashion.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Sister Angelina is singing to the Krishnas.                                            SISTER ANGELINA                   '...I sit by the telephone for hours. I                   love when men send me flowers. I enjoy                   being a girl.'                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Jack is comforting an ailing Shirley. She is per≠spiring.                                            JACK                   How ya doing, honey?                                            SHIRLEY                   Oh Jack, I'm so warm. I'm burning up.                                            JACK                   Here.                    He reaches up and opens the overhead air nozzle. Air rushes          out with hurricane force. As Jack struggles to turn off          nozzle, Shirley is blown about, an adjacent passenger's          papers go flying from a briefcase, a Hari Krishna's toga          flies up revealing polka dot boxer shorts. An extra's toupe          flies off.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    SOFT MUSIC.                                            MILTON                   After my wife died, I felt like a fifth                   wheel. You know, so many years being with                   one person -- a very wonderful person --                   makes you always think of yourself as part                   of a pair...When Ethel passed away, I was                   lost. I couldn't function socially and I                   couldn't function in business.                                            BERNICE                   Well, after a thing like that you wouldn't                   be expected to.                                            MILTON                   But I think it's time we stopped talking                   about me. A woman like you -- why haven't                   you ever married?                                            BERNICE                   Well, I'm afraid that's a question that's                   all too easy to answer.                                            MILTON                   I know the answer -- Career. A smart woman                   like you became so involved in your work,                   you didn't have time for marriage.                                            BERNICE                   I wish I could fool myself into believing                   that that's the reason. The truth of the                   matter is, nobody ever asked me.                                            MILTON                   You know, here we are having coffee                   together, and discussing education and                   business and economy...and we don't even                   know each other's names...full names I                   mean.                                            BERNICE                   Mine's Eleanor. Eleanor Schiff.                                            MILTON                   That's a lovely name. Mine's Milton...Milt                   Ettenhenim. But my friends call me                   'Bubbles.'                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Randy approaches Mrs. Schiff.                                            RANDY                   Would you care for a soft drink?                                            MRS. SCHIFF                   I'd be glad to.                    Randy hands a large bottle of Coca Cola wrapped in a baby          blanket to Ms. Schiff, who cradles it in her arms.                                            MRS. SCHIFF                   Ooooh, such a nice soft drink.                    INT. O'HARE WEATHER CENTER - CLOSEUP ON TYPEWRITER                    CAMERA PULLS OUT to reveal Dispatcher typing message.                                            RADIO (v.o.)                   National Weather Service reporting Omaha                   fogged in. Visibility zero.                    The Dispatcher attempts to remove the message, but it is          stuck in the cartridge. He yanks on it, but the paper          stretches out like rubber. The scene now becomes like a          cartoon. He lodges his feet against the typewriter and pulls          until the paper stretches to his face. He grumbles in Donald          Duck voice. The typewriter snaps back and hits him.                    INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT                                            McCROSKEY                        (to Air Controller #2)                   Macias, get me Captain Oveur's wife on the                   phone. We'd better let her know what's going on.                     Air Controller #1 rushes in holding a piece of paper and          hands it to McCroskey.                                            AIR CONTROLLER #1                   Steve, this weather bulletin just came off                   the wire.                    McCroskey frowns and hands it to Hinshaw.                                            McCROSKEY                   Johnny, what can you make out of this?                                            HINSHAW                   This? Why, I could make a hat or a                   broach...                    McCroskey grabs the note from him.                    INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT                    MRS. OVEUR is in bed. Phone on night table RINGS. She          reaches for it sleepily.                                            MRS. OVEUR                   Hello?                                            AIR CONTROLLER #2 (v.o.)                   Missus Oveur?                                            MRS. OVEUR                   Yes, this is Missus Oveur.                                            AIR CONTROLLER #2 (v.o.)                   This is Ed Macias calling from the                   airport. There's some trouble on your                   husband's flight.                    SHOT WIDENS to reveal she is sleeping with a horse.                                            AIR CONTROLLER #2 (v.o.)                   We don't know how serious it is yet, but                   Harry Ballard thought you'd want to get                   down here right away.                                            MRS. OVEUR                   I'll be right down.                    She hangs up the phone and rises.                                            MRS. OVEUR                   I've got to go to the airport. You can let                   yourself out the back door. There's juice                   in the refrigerator.                                            HORSE                        (sounding like Mr. Ed)                   Did you finish? Was I good?                                            MRS. OVEUR                   Oh, you're all so concerned about                   performance!                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    THUNDER and lightning; turbulent weather.                    INT. CABIN - NIGHT                    Randy approaches Mrs. Schiff, who is caring for a drink.                                            RANDY                   Would you care for another drink?                                            MRS. SCHIFF                   No, thank you, I'm still nursing this one.                    She is bottle feeding the Coke bottle.                                            MRS. SCHIFF                        (to bottle)                   There, just a little bit more -- and then                   burpie time and a good nap!                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Elaine hangs up phone.                                            ELAINE                   Doctor Rumack says the sick people are                   getting worse and we're running out of                   time.                    Striker is perspiring.                                            STRIKER'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)                        (echoing)                   I've got to concentrate, concentrate,                   entrate, I've got to concentrate,                   oncentrate, oncentrate.                    He becomes aware of ECHO.                                            STRIKER'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)                        (echoing)                   Hell, hello, ello, ello, ello, lo, lo.                   Echo, echo, echo, cho, cho, o, o, o, o, o.                   Pinch hitting for Pedro Bourbone, Manny                   Mota, Mota, Mota, Mota.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    Nose dowm.                                            ELAINE (v.o.)                        (hysterically)                   Ted, the altitude! We're falling, we're                   falling!                    INSERT - GAUGE INDICATING DROPPING ALTITUDE                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    THUNDER and lightning. Flying nose down.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    A Woman applying eye makeup, smears it over her face.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    DRAMATIC MUSIC as Striker is struggling with the con≠trols.          Windshield wipers are moving as though directing music. St.          Christopher statue is holding an umbrella. Striker regains          control of the plane.                    INT. CABIN ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                                            JACK                        (to Rumack)                   What's going on? We have a right to know                   the truth!                                            DR. RUMACK                        (to passengers)                   All right. I'm going to level with you.                   The most important thing now is that you                   should all be calm, because there's no                   reason to panic.                    Rumack's nose elongates slightly.                                            DR. RUMACK                   Now, it is true that one of the flight                   crew has been taken ill...slightly ill.                    His nose is getting longer.                                            DR. RUMACK                   But the other two pilots are just fine and                   at the controls flying the plane.                    Rumack's nose is a foot long.                                            DR. RUMACK                   The weather in Chicago is clear as a bell,                   and there's no reason that we won't land                   on schedule...                    ANGLE                    Passengers listening. His nose grows THROUGH FRAME.                                            DR. RUMACK                   ...safe and sound and free to pursue a                   life of religious fulfillment.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            STRIKER                        (into microphone)                   Chicago, the passengers are beginning to                   panic. When do we start down?                    INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                        (into microphone)                   Not just yet, we'll have you in radar                   range any second now.                    EXT. O'HARE AIRPORT - REVOLVING RADAR ANTENNA - NIGHT                    INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                        (to McCroskey)                   I don't understand it. He should have been                   in range ten minutes ago.                                            McCROSKEY                        (into microphone)                   Gunderson, check the radar range. Anything                   yet?                    INT. RADAR ROOM                    GUNDERSON opens door of Amana Radar Range and peers in.          There is a turkey inside.                                            GUNDERSON                        (into microphone)                   About two more minutes, Chief.                    INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT                                            McCROSKEY                   Two more minutes! They could be miles off                   course.                                            KRAMER                   That's impossible. They're on instruments!                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Elaine, Randy, Rumack, and Striker are playing trumpet,          clarinet, saxophone and bass fiddle in Benny Goodman swing          band style.                    INT. CHCICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                   This is gonna be a real sweat.                        (into mike)                   Gunderson, let me know when you get                   anything.                                            McCROSKEY                   I can't take much more of this! Johnny,                   how about some more coffee?                                            HINSHAW                   Would you like half of my provolone and                   roast beef?                                            McCROSKEY                   Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit                   amphetamines.                    He pops a couple pills. Fifteen REPORTERS, Cameramen, etc.          enter with Air Controller #l.                                            AIR CONTROLLER #1                        (to McCroskey)                   Steve, these reporters won't leave without                   a statement.                                            REPORTER #1                   How much longer can the sick passengers                   hold out?                                            McCROSKEY                   Half hour...maybe forty-five minutes.                                            REPORTER #2                   Who's flying the plane?                    Air Controller #2 enters and hands McCroskey a note. Hands          holding microphones are thrust INTO FRAME in front of          McCroskey. One hand is holding an ice cream cone.                                            McCROSKEY                   One of the passengers. But he's an                   experienced air force pilot who flew                   during the war so there's no cause for                   alarm. Hinshaw, take over.                    McCroskey exits.                                            REPORTER #3                   Have the families been notified?                                            HINSHAW                   I think Florence Henderson knows about it!                                            REPORTER #1                   What are the chances of bringing this                   plane in safely?                                            HINSHAW                   What are the chances of returning                   something to Montgomery Ward the week                   after Christmas?                                            REPORTER #1                        (beckoning to door)                   All right, boys. Let's get some pictures.                    Three men with cameras enter and begin to remove framed          pictures from walls.                    NEWSPAPERS                    coming off press. SUPERIMPOSE:                    CLASSIC MONTAGE OF:                    Series of spinning newspapers. CAMERA ZOOMS IN to each as it          stops spinning so that we can read headlines. Headlines are:                                          "CHICAGO TIMES"                              "DISASTER LOOMS FOR AIRLINE PASSENGERS"                                         "NEW YORK TRIBUNE"                                "CHICAGO PREPARES FOR CRASH LANDING"                                        "NATIONAL INQUIRER"                            "BOY TRAPPED IN REFRIGERATOR EATS OWN FOOT"                    CAMERA ZOOMS in to:                    SPINNING TELEVISION SET                                            NEWSCASTER                   Striken Airliner Approaches Chicago!                                                              DISSOLVE TO:                    ARAB NEWS SET                    Arab newcast.                                                              DISSOLVE TO:                    JAPANESE NEWS SET                    Japanese newscast.                                                              DISSOLVE TO:                    AFRICAN TV NEWSCAST                    NEWSCASTER is an African in native dress with a bone in his          nose. There is a graphic of an airplane behind him and he is          beating on a hollow log with sticks. The CAMERA ANGLE          CHANGES and he switches to look into NEW CAMERA, and          continues beating.                                                              DISSOLVE TO:                    CBS' SIXTY MINUTES "POINT-COUNTERPOINT" SET                                            JACK KILPATRICK                   Shana, they bought their tickets, they                   knew what they were getting into. I say,                   let 'em crash!                                                              DISSOLVE TO:                    EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT - (STOCK)                    SCREAMING firetrucks, police cars, and ambulances.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    Lightning and THUNDER.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            DR. RUMACK                   Will the hospital equipment be at the                   airport?                                            STRIKER                   Yes, everything they've got. How are the                   passengers doing?                                            DR. RUMACK                   I won't deceive you, Mister Striker. We're                   running out of time.                                            STRIKER                   Surely there must be something you can do.                                            DR. RUMACK                   I'm doing everything I can! -- And stop                   calling me Shirley!                    Rumack leaves.                                            STRIKER'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)                   I've got to stay calm. If I can just keep                   my wits about me, I can't mess this one                   up.                                            ELAINE'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)                   Maybe I have been too harsh with him. If I                   had given him more support in the                   beginning, maybe things would be                   different.                                            STRIKER'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)                   Forget it. It's not your fault.                                            ELAINE'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)                   That's sweet of you, Ted. I appreciate the                   thought.                    We hear both of their thoughts simultaneously.                          STRIKER'S                        ELAINE'S                THOUGHTS (v.o.)                  THOUGHTS (v.o.)          You know, Elaine, I just         It's just that I feel so          wanted to tell you...            helpless and...                                            STRIKER'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)                   Go ahead.                                            ELAINE'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)                   No, no. You were first.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                    Jack is seated across the aisle from Mrs. Hammen. He falls          asleep and slumps over.                                            MRS. HAMMEN                        (hysterically)                   He's dead. He's dead!                    Jack wakes up. Disgustedly:                                            JACK                   No, I'm not dead.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                    Mrs. Schiff is holding the bottle to her shoulder and          patting it. It BURPS.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Sister Angelina is singing to the two black dudes.                                            SISTER ANGELINA                   'What you want,                   Baby I got,                   What you need,                   You know I got it.                   All I'm askin' for                   Is a little respect                   When you come home.'                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - STEWARDESS' ALCOVE - NIGHT                    Rumack pours a cup of water. Randy begins to weep.                                            DR. RUMACK                   Randy, are you all right?                                            RANDY                   Doctor Rumack, I'm scared. I've never been                   so scared. And besides, I'm twenty-six and                   I'm not married.                                            DR. RUMACK                   Randy, we're going to make it. You've got                   to believe that.                    Mrs. Hammen enters alcove.                                            MRS. HAMMEN                   Lorison, do you have any idea when we'll                   be landing?                                            DR. RUMACK                   It will be pretty soon. How are you                   bearing up?                                            MRS. HAMMEN                   Well, to be honest, I'm very scared. But                   at least I've got a husband.                    EXT. AIRPORT - NIGHT                    Revolving radar antenna.                    INT. CHICAGO WEATHER CENTER - CLOSEUP                    of typewriter. CAMERA PULLS OUT to REVEAL Dispatcher typing          message.                                            RADIO (v.o.)                   National Weather Service reporting Chicago                   ceiling zero, visibility one hundred feet.                    With great care the Dispatcher turns the knob on carriage          until the paper comes out clean. Relishing his victory, he          talks in Donald Duck voice.                                            DISPATCHER                   Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.                    As he starts toward the door, the room caves in on him.                    INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT                    McCroskey and Kramer are at watercooler. McCroskey is          filling cup while Kramer drinks.                                            McCROSKEY                   Rex, I've decided that the best thing to                   do is to foam the runway -- let him do a                   wheels-up landing. It'd be a lot simpler.                    Kramer throws cup into wastebasket. McCroskey drinks.                                            KRAMER                        (filling up another cup)                   No, the risk of fire is too great. If she                   starts burning, you write off all those                   people who can't get out of there on their                   own power.                    McCroskey throws cup into wastebasket. Kramer drinks.                                            McCROSKEY                        (filling up another cup)                   Well that's better than writing them all                   off? Are you going to play God with a                   hundred and 38 lives?                    Kramer throws cup into wastebasket as McCroskey drinks.                                            KRAMER                        (filling up another cup)                   No. A belly landing isn't all that simple.                   It takes a good pilot to keep from                   smearin' himself all over the runway.                    McCroskey throws cup into wastebasket as Kramer drinks.                                            McCROSKEY                        (filling up another cup)                   If Striker has the guts to try this, he                   deserves the best shot we can give him.                   We've gotta foam that runway.                    Kramer throws cup into wastebasket as McCroskey drinks.                                            KRAMER                        (taking another cup)                   His only shot's with the wheels down. I've                   seen foam tear a man's guts out.                    McCroskey throws cup into wastebasket. Kramer throws cup          into wastebasket.                                            McCROSKEY                   And if Striker goes to pieces?                                            KRAMER                        (taking another cup)                   That's a risk we'll just have to take.                    Kramer throws cup into wastebasket. McCroskey throws cup          into wastebasket. They burp.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Striker is looking at controls. Lightning is flashing on his          face.                    INSERT - ALTIMETER                    SUPERIMPOSE fighter plane. Then STOCK FOOTAGE of early          experimental planes crashing.                                            VOICE (v.o.)                   Stay in formation. Targets just ahead.                   Target should be clear it you go in low                   enough. You'll have to decide.                        (echoing)                   You'll have to decide. You'll have to                   decide...So, decide already.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Sudden dramatic MUSIC. The cockpit shakes. Engine number          three is flaming out.                    INSERT - CONTROL PANEL - GAUGE FOR ENGINE #3                    BACK TO SCENE                                            STRIKER                   Rats! I've lost number three.                                            ELAINE                   What happened, Ted? What went wrong?                                            STRIKER                   Oil pressure. I forgot to check the oil                   pressure. When Kramer hears about this,                   the shit's gonna hit the fan.                    INT. DISPATCH - CLOSEUP - FAN - NIGHT                    The shit hits it. PULL BACK to include:                                            KRAMER                   I told him to watch that oil temperature.                   What the hell's he doing up there?                    He picks up the mike.                                            KRAMER                   Striker, that plane can't land itself! It                   takes a pilot who can handle pressure.                                            McCROSKEY                   Ease up, Rex! He hasn't flown for years!                   It's not his fault. It could happen to any                   pilot.                                            HINSHAW                   It happened to Barbara Stanwyck!                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            STRIKER                   He's right. I can't take the pressure. I                   was crazy to think I could land this                   plane.                                            ELAINE                   But Ted, you're the only...                                            STRIKER                   I don't care. I just don't have what it                   takes. They'd be better off with someone                   who'd never flown before.                    As Striker leaves he puts autopilot into pilot's seat.          Elaine is on the verge of tears.                    DRAMATIC MUSIC.                    INT. DISPATCH - NIGHT                    Air Controller #2 enters.                                            AIR CONTROLLER #2                   Bad news. The fog's getting thicker.                                            HINSHAW                   And Liz Taylor is getting larger!                                            McCROSKEY                   Ya know, this would be a tough landing for                   anyone to make. Maybe, if we hold them off                   for a bit we'll get a break in the                   weather.                                            KRAMER                   All right, but let's wait until they reach                   the control area.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    THUNDER and lightning.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Outside stewardess' alcove. Striker fills a cup from          drinking fountain then pours it on his head. He sits down          dejectedly on stewardess' fold-out seat. Rumack approaches.                                            STRIKER                   I know what you're going to say, so save                   your breath.                    Rumack sits.                                            DR. RUMACK                   No. I haven't a thing to say. You've done                   the best you could. You really have. The                   best you could. I guess we can't expect to                   win 'em all. I want to tell you something                   I've kept to myself for years. I was in                   the war myself -- the Medical Corps. I was                   on duty late one night when a badly                   wounded pilot was brought in from a raid.                   He could barely talk, but he looked at me                   and he said, "Doc. The odds were against                   us up there but we went in anyway, and I'm                   glad we did. The captain made the right                   decision." The pilot's name was George                   Zipp.                    Striker looks up. Notre Dame Fight Song is heard in b.g.                                            STRIKER                   George Zipp said that?                                            DR. RUMACK                   And the last thing he said to me, "Doc,"                   he said, "Sometime when the crew is up                   against it and the breaks are beating the                   boys, tell them to go out there with all                   they've got and win just one for the                   Zipper. I don't know where I'll be then,                   Doc," he said, "but I won't smell too                   good. That's for sure."                                            STRIKER                        (rejuvinated)                   Excuse me, Doc, I've got a plane to land.                    Striker boldly starts toward cockpit.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Striker enters. Elaine, unaware of his return, is listening          to Kramer on the radio.                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                   All right, you'd better stay up there for                   a bit. As soon as the fog lifts, we'll                   bring you in.                                            STRIKER                   I'll take it, Elaine.                    She turns to face him. A dramatic moment. Striker enters          pilot seat and takes mike from Elaine's hand.                                            STRIKER                   Listen to me, Kramer. Doctor Rumack says                   the sick people are in critical condition                   and every minute counts. We've got to land                   now!                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                   Don't be a fool, Striker. You know what a                   landing like this means. You more than                   anybody. I'm ordering you to stay up                   there!                                            STRIKER                   No dice, Chicago. I'm giving the orders,                   and we're coming in...I guess the foot's                   on the other hand now, isn't it, Kramer?                    INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT                                            McCROSKEY                   He'll never bring it down in this soup.                   Never! Not one chance in a million.                                            KRAMER                   I know. I know. But it's his ship now, his                   command; he's in charge, he's the boss,                   the head man, the top dog, the big cheese,                   the head honcho...                    Air Controller #2 rushes up to McCroskey and Kramer,          carrying a newspaper.                                            AIR CONTROLLER #2                   Chief, look at this!                    Kramer grabs newspaper.                                            KRAMER                        (reading)                   'Passengers Certain to Die?!?!?!?!?!'                                            McCROSKEY                   'Airline Negligent?!?!?!?!?!'                    He hands the paper to Hinshaw.                                            HINSHAW                        (looking at newspaper)                   There's a sale at Penny's!                    McCroskey grabs paper from Hinshaw.                                            KRAMER                        (to men in Dispatch)                   All right, I'll need three men up in the                   tower.                        (pointing)                   You, Neubauer. You, Macias.                                            HINSHAW                   Me John. Big tree.                    He puts his ear to the ground.                                            HINSHAW                   Wagon train comes three, maybe four day                   away.                                            KRAMER                        (into microphone)                   Stand by, Striker. I'm going to the tower.                   And good luck.                    Kramer exits.                                            McCROSKEY                        (into phone)                   We're going to the tower.                    McCroskey exits.                                            HINSHAW                        (excitedly)                   The tower! Oh! Rapunzel! Rapunzel!                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    THUNDER and lightning.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Randy is talking to passengers and demonstrating.                                            RANDY                   In a moment we'll ask you to assume crash                   positions. Your life jackets are located                   under your seat.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                    Jack and Shirley are watching.                                            RANDY (v.o.)                   Remove the jacket and unfold it so that                   the red arrow points up.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT                    The Krishnas are watching.                                            RANDY (v.o.)                   Place the jacket over your head, and when                   I give the word pull the cord under the                   left side flap.                    BACK TO RANDY                    She pulls the cord and it inflates into a child's duck-          shaped inner tube.                    INT. CHICAGO TOWER - NIGHT                    Hinshaw, Kramer, and McCroskey enter. Three Controllers are          there. One is wearing a black striped shirt.                                            STRIPED CONTROLLER                   We're all ready, sir.                    As he makes introductions, they shake hands.                                            STRIPED CONTROLLER                   Captain McCroskey, this is Captain                   Roberts. Captain Kramer, this is Captain                   Colosimo. Captain Hinshaw, Captain Gatz.                   Captain Kramer, Captain Gatz. Captain                   Hinshaw, Captain Roberts.                                            KRAMER                   All right. Colosimo, you'll work the                   relay. Roberts, double check all air                   traffic within five miles.                    Roberts is scratching his ear.                                            KRAMER                   And get that finger out of your ear. You                   don't know where that finger's been!                   Gunderson?                                            GUNDERSON                   Yes, Captain?                                            KRAMER                   Did you decide on a runway yet?                                            GUNDERSON                   Runway niner. It's the longest, and                   directly into the wind.                                            HINSHAW                   And the foliage looks so pretty this time                   of year.                    Gunderson exits.                                            KRAMER                        (into mike)                   Striker, you're going to have to work                   fast. After this message, do not                   acknowledge any transmission unless you                   want to ask a question. Do you understand?                   Striker, Striker, do you read me?                    INT. TOWER - DIFFERENT ANGLE - NIGHT                    Mrs. Oveur enters.                                            MRS. OVEUR                   Steve!                                            McCROSKEY                   Linda, your husband and the others are                   alive but unconscious.                                            HINSHAW                   Just like Gerald Ford!                                            McCROSKEY                   Now there's a chance we can save them if                   Striker can get this plane down on time.                                            MRS. OVEUR                   That isn't much of a chance, is it?                                            HINSHAW                        (appalled)                   Where did you get that dress? It's an eye-                   sore!                    INT. RADAR ROOM                    Gunderson and an assistant are seated in front of radar          screens. One of them is a video anti-aircraft game.                                            GUNDERSON                        (into microphone)                   Eight miles. Turn right to heading zero                   eight niner.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                        (into microphone)                   You are now eight miles from the airport.                   Turn right to a heading of zero eight                   niner, throttle back slightly and begin to                   lose altitude to fifteen hundred feet.                                            ELAINE (v.o.)                   We're now at twelve hundred feet, leveling                   off.                                            KRAMER                        (to McCroskey)                   Steve, I want every light you can get                   poured on that field.                                            McCROSKEY                   It's being done right now.                    EXT. AIRFIELD - NIGHT                    A truck is dumping a variety of lamps, fixtures, and light          bulbs onto the runway.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                        (into mike)                   Tower to all emergency vehicles. Runway is                   niner.                    EXT. AIRFIELD - NIGHT                    Ambulances, fire trucks, and police cars start to move.                                             KRAMER (v.o.)                        (over P.A.)                   Airport vehicles take positions one and                   two.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                        (into microphone)                   Civilian equipment, number three.                    EXT. AIRFIELD - NIGHT                    Ambulances, firetrucks, and police cars speed toward runway.          They are followed by a baggage truck, fuel truck, a taxi,          Coke truck, an ice cream truck, farm machinery, and a cement          mixer.                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                        (over P.A.)                   Air Force positions number four and five.                   All ambulances to position three.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            HINSHAW                        (into mike)                   It's a twister! It's a twister! Toto!...                   Auntie Em!                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    THUNDER and lightning.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                   All right, Striker, put down twenty                   degrees of flap. When your flaps are down,                   retrim for level flight.                    INT. CABIN - NIGHT                    Passengers are wearing headsets and watching in-flight          movie. Randy approaches Mrs. Schiff.                                            MRS. SCHIFF                   Stewardess, how soon 'til we land?                                            RANDY                   It won't be long now. Try not to worry.                    Mrs. Schiff puts on a headset and watches movie. The movie          is airplanes crashing and burning.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    flying erratically.                    INSERT - ALTIMETER                    fluctuating.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    A woman, applying facial makeup, smears it all over her          face.                    INT. RADAR ROOM                                            GUNDERSON                   He's all over the place! Nine hundred feet                   up to thirteen hundred feet! What an                   asshole!                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                   Watch your altitude, Striker. It's too                   erratic. You can't come straight in.                   You've got enough fuel left for two hours                   flying. You've got to stay up there 'til                   we get a break in the weather.                    INT. COCKPIT                    Striker reaches for microphone.                                            STRIKER                   I'll take it, Elaine.                        (into mike)                   Listen, Kramer, I'm coming in. Do you hear                   me? I'm coming in right now! We have                   people up here who will die in less than                   an hour, never mind two. I may bend your                   precious airplane, but I'll get it down!                   Now get on with the landing check. I'm                   putting the gear down now.                    As he activates landing gear, Randy enters.                                            RANDY                   Mr. Striker, the passengers are ready.                                            STRIKER                   Thank you, Randy. You better leave                   sweetheart. You might get hurt in here.                    Randy leaves. There is a CRASH and Randy screams.                                            ELAINE                   Ted...                                            STRIKER                   Yes?                                            ELAINE                   I wanted you to know -- now -- I'm very                   proud.                                            STRIKER                   Tell them the gear is down and we're ready                   to land.                                            ELAINE                        (into mike)                   The gear is down.                    INT. TOWER                                            ELAINE (v.o.)                   And we're ready to land.                                            McCROSKEY                   He may not be able to fly, but he's sure                   got guts.                    Kramer nods.                    EXT. LAX PASSENGER LOADING AREA - BUSINESSMAN - NIGHT                    in Striker's cab cheeks his watch.                                            BUSINESSMAN                   Well, I'll give him another twenty                   minutes, but that's it.                    INSERT - METER                    reads $389.10.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    Fog, THUNDER, and lightning.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                                            MILTON                   I'm sure we'll both make it...but just in                   case one of us...well, is there a message                   you'd like me to give someone?                                            BERNICE                   No. I'm all alone.                                            MILTON                   Just in case I don't have a chance to say                   goodbye, I want you to know that I haven't                   spent so many pleasant hours for many                   years.                                            BERNICE                   That's a very nice compliment, and I'd                   like to say that...you've done the same                   for me.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Dr. Rumack pokes his head in the door.                                            DR. RUMACK                   I just wanted to tell you both good luck.                   We're all counting on you.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                   Now, Striker...hold your present heading,                   put down full flap, bring your air speed                   back to a hundred and thirty-five, then I                   want you to take hold of the throttle...                                            HINSHAW                   And stick it in your ear.                                            KRAMER                   And stick it in your ear.                    McCroskey gives Hinshaw a disapproving look.                                            HINSHAW                        (a la Frogsy, the Gremlin)                   I'll be good, I will, I will.                    INT. RADAR ROOM                                            GUNDERSON                   Captain, he's dropping off fast. Almost                   seven hundred.                    INT. TOWER                                            KRAMER                   Striker, get back to a thousand feet!                    INT. RADAR ROOM                    Assistant Radar Operator unloads clothes from radar screen/          wash machine door and puts them into basket.                                            GUNDERSON                   He's below seven hundred now and he's                   still going down! 675! 650! 625! 600!                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    It knocks the radio tower off a building and heads past the          John Hancock Building.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                   Striker, you're coming in too low! What's                   your altitude?                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   I don't know. How high was the eighty-                   ninth floor of the John Hancock Building?                    INT. RADAR ROOM                                            GUNDERSON                   He's right on the heading.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                   All right, he's on final now! Put out all                   runway lights except niner.                    EXT. AIRFIELD - NIGHT                    Ambulance attendants, firemen, and emergency vehicles are in          readiness.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                   Turn on your landing lights, Striker. It's                   the switch above your right knee.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Striker reaches for button above his left knee.                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                   No. I said your right knee.                    Striker pushes button over his right knee.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT                    Landing lights come on.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                    McCroskey, Kramer, and Mrs. Oveur are nervously watching the          sky.                                            KRAMER                   All right, now just listen carefully. You                   should be able to see the runway at three                   hundred feet.                    Mrs. Oveur clutches Kramer's arm anxiously.                                            KRAMER                   Aim to touchdown a third of the way along.                   There's a slight crosswind from the right,                   so be ready for it.                    Mrs. Oveur is clutching Kramer's arm with both hands.                                            KRAMER                   If you land too fast, use your emergency                   brakes. The red handle is right in front                   of you.                    Now Mrs. Oveur, still watching the sky, has both arms around          Kramer's waist, massaging his chest with her hands.                                            KRAMER                   If that doesn't stop you...                    Kramer is suddenly aware of what Mrs. Oveur is doing. He          gives her a look and she removes her hands.                                            KRAMER                   If that doesn't stop you, cut the four                   ignition switches over the co-pilot's                   head.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Striker looks for switches.                    INSERT - IGNITION SWITCHES                    INT. COCKPIT                                            STRIKER                   See them, Elaine?                                            ELAINE                   Uh-huh.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                   Do you see us now? You should be able to                   see the field now.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - THROUGH COCKPIT WINDOW - NIGHT                    Striker and Elaine are searching for airfield.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                    Kramer and McCroskey are tensely trying to spot plane. Mrs.          Oveur is watching, prayerfully.                    EXT. AIRFIELD - NIGHT                    Searchlights scan field.                    EXT. TOWER - NIGHT                    Revolving beacon searches.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            McCROSKEY                   It sure is quiet out there.                                            KRAMER                   Yeah -- too quiet.                                            McCROSKEY                   Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit                   sniffing glue.                    He pulls a tube of airplane glue from his shirt pocket and          sniffs.                    EXT. AIRPLANE - THROUGH COCKPIT WINDOW - NIGHT                    Striker and Elaine are searching for airfield.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                    Kramer and Mrs. Oveur are anxiously watching the sky.          McCroskey is glazed.                                            KRAMER                        (excited)                   There he is!                        (into microphone)                   Striker, you're coming in too fast!                                            STRIKER (v.o.)                   I know! I know!                                            ELAINE (v.o.)                        (into microphone)                   He knows! He knows!                                            McCROSKEY                   Wow!                    EXT. RUNWAY - STRIKER'S POV - NIGHT                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                        (into microphone)                   Sound your alarm bell now.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Elaine rings alarm bell.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Alarm BELL RINGS. Randy is standing in center aisle.                                            RANDY                   All right, now, everybody get in crash                   positions.                    Passengers assume various awkward poses as though plane had          just crashed.                    EXT. AIRFIELD - NIGHT                    Ambulance attendants anxiously watch sky.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT (PROCESS)                    Striker sees airport and points it out to Elaine.                    INSERT - AIR SPEED GAUGE                    Speed is increasing.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            ELAINE                   Airspeed one twenty-five, one thirty...                    She raises her head to look out cockpit window.                    EXT. RUNWAY - ELAINE'S POV - NIGHT (STOCK)                    The runway lights go out.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Striker and Elaine look at each other, panicked.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                    Hinshaw has just pulled a plug from an electrical outlet.                                            HINSHAW                   Just kidding!                    EXT. RUNWAY - ELAINE'S POV - NIGHT                    Runway lights go back on.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Striker and Elaine are relieved.                                            ELAINE                   ...one thirty-five, one forty.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                   Striker, now listen to me. You're coming                   down too fast!                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Striker is struggling with steering wheel and sweating.                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                   Put down thirty degrees of flap!                    Striker is sweating profusely as he struggles in vain with          the flap switch.                                            STRIKER                   It's stuck. It won't move!                    He bangs the control panel and "TILT" light up.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                    McCroskey is staring at radio equipment.                                            KRAMER                   Bring it down! Easy!                                            McCROSKEY                   Look at all those buttons! Oh that's                   beautiful! Just beautiful!                    EXT. RUNWAY - STRIKER'S POV - NIGHT                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                   Watch your nose! It's too low!                    Striker is struggling with wheel. The wheel begins to fight          back, pushing Striker.                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                   You're coming in too hot!                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                   Remember your brakes and switches! Get                   ready to flare it out! You're coming in                   too fast! Watch your speed!                                            McCROSKEY                        (hysterical)                   He's coming right at us!                    McCroskey turns and leaps through tower window. All activity          momentarily stops. Everyone looks back at window. Then          activity resumes.                                            KRAMER                   You're coming in too hot! Put down full                   flaps! Watch your nose!                    EXT. RUNWAY - STRIKER'S POV - NIGHT                    Runway swerving underneath him.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                   Now ease her down! Down!                    EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT                    Plane is a few feet from ground.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                   Lift the nose! Throttle back!                    EXT. RUNWAY - STRIKER'S POV - NIGHT                    Closer to ground.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Striker pushes wheel forward as tires SCREECH.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                   The brake! Pull the red handle!                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Striker pulls red handle. It comes off in his hand. He          pushes brake with feet.                    EXT. RUNWAY - CLOSEUP - TIRES - NIGHT                    SCREECHING.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Dr. Rumack pokes his head in the door.                                            DR. RUMACK                   I just wanted to tell you both good luck.                   We're all counting on you.                    EXT. RUNWAY - STRIKER'S POV - NIGHT                    Runway passing underneath.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                        (into microphone)                   Hold her steady, hold her steady!                    EXT. RUNWAY - PLANE - NIGHT                    skidding.                    INT. O'HARE TERMINAL BUILDING - GATE 7 - NIGHT                                            P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)                   You attention, please. Trans American                   Flight 209 non-stop from Los Angeles is                   now arriving at Gate seven...Gate eight...                    People in Gate seven waiting area move to Gate eight.                    INT. COCKPIT - STRIKER - NIGHT                    is struggling with controls, sweating profusely.                    INT. TOWER                                            KRAMER                   Pull a lever!                    EXT. RUNWAY - PLANE - NIGHT                    skidding.                    INT. COCKPIT - STRIKER - NIGHT                    is struggling with controls. Water is gushing down his face          ridiculously.                    INT. O'HARE TERMINAL BUILDING - GATE 13 - NIGHT                                            P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)                   ...209 arriving gate thirteen...gate                   fourteen....gate fifteen...                    People in Gate thirteen move to Gate fourteen.                    EXT. RUNWAY - PLANE - NIGHT                    skidding.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                   Push a button!                    INT. COCKPIT - STRIKER - NIGHT                    Striker is struggling with controls.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                        (into microphone)                   You're too low! You're too low!                    INT. O'HARE TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT                                            P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)                   ...gate twenty-three...twenty four...                   twenty-five...                    People are running THROUGH FRAME right to left.                    EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT                    Ground crewman with red flashlights nonchalantly directs          plane. Suddenly he realizes the plane is not stopping. He          throws his flashlight at the plane and runs off, terrified.                    EXT. RUNWAY - PLANE - NIGHT                    skidding.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Randy approaches a passenger in crash position.                                            RANDY                   Can we help arrange hotel accommodations                   or a rent-a-car during your stay in                   Chicago?                    EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT                    Landing gear snaps off; plane starts to slide on its belly.                    PLANE                    is heading toward a building. On the side of the building is          a billboard with a man drinking milk.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Elaine screams and covers her face. St. Christopher statue          covers its face.                    EXT. RUNWAY - PLANE - NIGHT                    is getting closer to building. Billboard man is looking at          plane, terrified.                    INT. TOWER - MRS. OVEUR - NIGHT                    is screaming.                    EXT. RUNWAY - PLANE - NIGHT                    is skidding.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            HINSHAW                        (seated in wheelchair)                   Wheel me to the West Wing. I wish to view                   the Degas.                    EXT. RUNWAY - PLANE - NIGHT                    skids to a stop.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                    Kramer sighs in relief as controllers and Mrs. Oveur dash          from room.                    INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT                    Controllers celebrate safe landing, reporters rush from          room.                    INT. DISPATCH LOBBY - NIGHT                    Five reporters run into bank of phone booths and the booths          topple over.                    EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT                    SCREAMING ambulances race toward plane.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT                    Passengers rise slowly, shaken but uninjured. Milton and          Bernice look at each other, relieved, and embrace. Mrs.          Schiff gets up to leave.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Rumack pokes his head in door.                                            DR. RUMACK                   I just wanted to tell you both good luck.                   We're all counting on you.                    Striker and Elaine get up to leave cockpit.                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                   Striker, Striker, are you all right?                                            STRIKER                        (into microphone)                   Yeah, we're okay.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                                            KRAMER                   Ted, that was probably the lousiest                   landing in the history of this airport.                   But there are some of us here...                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                   ...particularly me, who'd like to buy you                   a drink and shake your hand.                    Striker and Elaine leave.                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                   ...and, Ted, I just want you to know, that                   when the going got tough up there, when                   the chips were down...                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - BOARDING AREA - NIGHT                    Randy is assisting Jack and Shirley, the Hammens, and the          nun from the plane.                                            RANDY                   Hurry now. Please be careful.                    INT. TOWER - NIGHT                    Air controllers leave as Kramer continues.                                            KRAMER                   ...Lonliness, that's the bottom line. I                   was never happy as a child. Christmas,                   Ted, what does it mean to you? For me, it                   was a living hell. Do you know what it's                   like to fall in the mud and get kicked? In                   the head? By an iron boot? Of course you                   don't. No one does. That never happens.                   Sorry, Ted. Dumb question. Strike that.                    INT. PASSENGER CABIN - BOARDING AREA - NIGHT                    Randy is assisting Hari Krishnas and Black Dudes from plane.                    EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT                    McCroskey, dressed in wet suit and flippers and oxygen tank          is moving as though swimming under water.                                            McCROSKEY (v.o.)                   I didn't know that the electric eel was                   approaching so rapidly nor that hidden in                   the coral reef was a family of poisonous                   sea urchins.                    EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT                    Lisa Davis and her mother enter ambulance. It pulls from          FRAME. We HEAR a loud screech and crash.                    INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Kramer is still droning on.                                            KRAMER (v.o.)                        (into mike)                   ...and they shall be for frontlets between                   thine eyes, Ted. Neither they man servant,                   nor they maid servant, nor thine ox, nor                   thine ass.                    EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT                    ROMANTIC MUSIC.                    Striker and Elaine are alone on the runway. Behind them is          flight 209. They embrace and kiss as CAMERA ARCS around.          MUSIC SWELLS. Suddenly the ENGINES REV UP. Astonished, they          look up to the cockpit.                    EXT. COCKPIT - NIGHT                    Automatic pilot is at controls. He salutes Striker and          Elaine and winks at CAMERA.                    EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT                    The plane begins to taxi on its belly, shooting off sparks          and making a tremendous scraping SOUND. Arm in arm, Striker          and Elaine wave good-bye as the plane takes off into the          night sky.                                                                           FADE OUT.