questionID
stringlengths 24
24
| questionTitle
stringlengths 16
146
⌀ | questionText
stringlengths 26
2.7k
⌀ | questionUrl
stringlengths 34
178
| topics
stringlengths 5
71
⌀ | therapistName
stringlengths 7
64
| therapistUrl
stringlengths 42
98
| answerText
stringlengths 11
224k
| upvotes
int64 0
0
|
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
577189ba3c9e6b307a8ae61f | How should I handle the child I had with my ex-wife? | My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-should-i-handle-the-child-i-had-with-my-ex-wife | Parenting,Relationship Dissolution | Toni Genovese | https://counselchat.com/therapists/toni-genovese | <p>I am really glad you reached out. When parents get divorced, they still need to figure out how to have relationship so that they can parent their child. We might divorce our partners, however, we don't divorce our children. If anything our children need to know that we are still a stable force in their lives. Unfortunately, in some relationships children get used as a bargaining piece and I am hearing that may be happening in your relationship. </p><p>You can move on from the relationship with your ex while still maintaining a relationship with your child. It is possible and it takes both parents to agree to do the right thing by their child. It is important for your children to have some consistency in his or her time with you. For example, if you and your ex don't have a parenting schedule it is something that you want to create so that you can not only decide for you when you will see your child, but your child can know when you will be available just for her. This will lay the foundation for consistency and allow your child to have some security in troubled times.</p><p>I would highly recommend you sit down with your ex and discuss how you can both be a positive source in your child's life. How you can both be there to help raise her. If this is not a conversation that you can have on your own you might seek out help from the court. There are parenting experts and mediators who might be able to assist you.</p><p>Remember, in any discussion keep the focus on what is best for your child and you will be moving in the right direction.</p><p>Best of luck to you!</p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Chris McDonald | https://counselchat.com/therapists/chris-mcdonald | <p>It takes a lot of courage to go to therapy. I have gone myself as a Counselor and know what that feeling is like. This is normal but hopefully you have become more comfortable with your therapist. This might be something to bring up to your Therapist and openly discuss (scary to do but its ok) this may even relieve some of your anxiety. If it continues, you may want to consider trying another therapist as this one may not be the best fit for you.<br></p> | 0 |
5796b2c5bc069dff6a5339ce | Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-person-to-stop-feeling-emotions | Trauma | Catherine Hodge | https://counselchat.com/therapists/catherine-hodge | <p>First and foremost, be gentle and patient with yourself. It is normal to feel a range of emotions after a severe trauma including no emotions at all. Try not to push yourself to feel, just notice the lack of emotion you are experiencing right now. Maybe write about your emotions and the lack of them or talk about it with a safe person. Unfortunately recovering from trauma can take time and it's best done at your own pace. If you aren't feeling there may be a reason you aren't feeling. For severe trauma I always recommend working with a trained trauma professional who has the training to guide you on your path to healing fully.</p> | 0 |
586ea98c152ba8625f40045b | How do I get my husband to listen to me? | I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me.
How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-my-husband-to-listen-to-me | Relationships,Marriage | Toni Genovese | https://counselchat.com/therapists/toni-genovese | <p>Thanks for reaching out. This is a great question. Communication is definitely a 2-way street. One person cannot participate in a discussion. It takes a talker and a listener. Furthermore, communication will breakdown if each party is only focusing on his or her agenda and is not open to what the other person is saying. since I can't ask you questions about what is going on, I am going to make a guess at one situation that comes up a lot when I work with couples. One person focuses more on solving the issue, than listening to their partner. This can be frustrating for the partner who wants to just be "heard."</p><p>I understand that you are working really hard to listen to him and he might not be putting as much effort into listening to you. That can be really frustrating and difficult and I want to acknowledge you for wanting to improve your relationship.</p><p>One of the best strategies to gettting heard, is actually to BE A GOOD LISTENER to someone else. I know you are probably already a good listener and for you to work on listening skills may seem counterintuitive, right? You want to get heard and now you are the one doing the listening. But this can really create more effective communication if you invest time working on doing some active listening in your relationship because then you get to model those skills for your husband and allow him to see what it feels like to be listened to and then you can even teach him some of those skills. In other words, you practice specific techniques that you can use and then teach later on. </p><p>Here are some skills for you to use consciously and then you can teach:</p><ul><li>Pay attention and use your body language to convey that you are in the conversation. No texting or distractions. Lean in. Focus.</li><li>Listen for content and for emotion. Clarify what you don't understand. Try to understand the person's underlying emotions. </li><li>Don't rush to judgement or to changing what is going on with the person. Sit in a place where you are really curious and want to understand what is going on. </li><li>Encourage the other person to continue speaking, Nod and vocalize that you hear what they are saying.</li><li>Ask questions to get to understand the other person's point of view.<br></li></ul><div>I believe when we can model these kinds of listening skills, and the other person feels heard, they will be more likely to listen to us. If you don't find that this doesn't spill over in that way, then have a discussion about what you are practicing and that you are learning these skills to be a better listener so you can understand him better. Then explain how it might be helpful if you both tried it. If there is push back from him, set up a trial period to just try the skill, perhaps for 2 weeks and see if it helps. If communication is really breaking down, then it might be time to work with a counselor who can help with these skills.<br></div><div><br></div><div>Best of luck to you!</div> | 0 |
579e6e84188cd61c1684e839 | My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy | I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-is-upset-about-my-friendship-with-another-guy | Relationships,Social Relationships | Jill Barnett Kaufman | https://counselchat.com/therapists/jill-barnett-kaufman | <p>It's completely understandable that you would have male friends and that you would want to spend time with them. When you cross over from friends to a relationship, it does change things. Some people are very easy going and wouldn't feel threatened by what you did Others would be upset. If your boyfriend is upset by you spending time with this male friend, then you need to talk about it. Each of you needs to express your feelings about the situation and listen to the other with patience and respect. Then you can make a decision on what is best for you and your relationship. Maybe he wouldn't be upset if you saw this friend while you were with your boyfriend. Or maybe your boyfriend would feel better if he got to know this person better and could trust him. Most likely you can come up with a situation that will make both of you comfortable going forward. </p><p>You didn't do anything "wrong" because it doesn't sound like you intended to hurt your boyfriend. But if you really care about your boyfriend, then you probably care about making him upset. Instead of looking at this issue as a problem, try to look at it as an opportunity to connect. If you can both listen to each other and understand each other, your relationship can become even closer.</p> | 0 |
579e6e84188cd61c1684e839 | My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy | I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-is-upset-about-my-friendship-with-another-guy | Relationships,Social Relationships | Anna McElearney | https://counselchat.com/therapists/anna-mcelearney | <p>Thank you for submitting this question. I think this type of situation can be common for many couples struggling with how to keep friendships with past relationships while being in a new relationship. </p><p>For me, more information is needed here...but given the information provided, the way I interpret the question is...I'm assuming your boyfriend didn't know you were going to spend the weekend with your good friend? </p><p>Working off of this assumption, I would suggest beginning an open and honest dialogue with your boyfriend about what specifically upset him? And to talk about your point of view regarding spending the weekend with him. I would also suggest talking about how you both envision your relationship when it comes to spending time with others. </p><p>If you feel like you can't have this conversation without it going off track, please consider seeing a couples therapist. They can help you begin these important conversations that can help shape and develop the relationship you and your boyfriend long for. </p> | 0 |
579ed169188cd61c1684e83e | How do I tell a girl that I crossdress? | I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out.
How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-a-girl-that-i-crossdress | Human Sexuality,LGBTQ,Intimacy | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Keep doing the crossdressing since you like it.</p><p>Your problem sounds more a matter of timing and reason to tell the girl about it.</p><p>Not keeping a secret is a good attitude regarding meaningful parts of your life. Usually our relationship partner is someone whom we trust as a safe person to know all about us.</p><p>Once you feel at ease with your potential partner then bring up your crossdressing. Based on their handling of this intimate part of your life, you will know more as to whether or not you feel more or less drawn to them.</p><p>Secrets held within a relationship usually get worse with time. The person who feels unsafe in truly being and stating themselves eventually will end up feeling ashamed of parts of them which prior to the relationship, felt good or at least not worrisome.</p> | 0 |
57a48d31188cd61c1684e8a3 | How do I stop feeling empty? | I don't know how else to explain it. All I can say is that I feel empty, I feel nothing. How do I stop feeling this way? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-feeling-empty | Depression | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Your question is very broad because feeling empty can develop for many different reasons.</p><p>You're certainly not alone in feeling this way!</p><p>Try to follow the logic of your feelings by asking yourself questions about the empty feeling. Doing this may open up a discovery about the reason for the emptiness feeling.</p><p>When do you feel empty, are there certain situations it happens more often than another, what helps the feeling go away, what or who is helpful in relieving the empty feeling.</p><p>Sometimes people need a little help to get started in understanding how to recognize their feelings.</p><p>Consider a therapist, any disciplined practice which encourages self-knowledge, such as some yoga practices, and a creative discipline like photography or music. </p><p>As long as you concentrate on increasing your self-understanding, eventually you'll find the answer to your question!</p> | 0 |
567797b78e5e79ff3a20c7f1 | How do I deal with parental figures who have hurt me? | People who are parental figures in my life have, in the past, hurt me, and some continue to do so. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough for my husband or the life he provides me. I have had jobs, but I am going through a lot of my past garbage and trying to figure out when it all went wrong. Any time I bring these things up, I am expected to be over the issue. These are people that you can't just cut out, but I have never received apologies for so much of my pain. I don't know what to do any more. I don't know who I am anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-parental-figures-who-have-hurt-me | Depression,Family Conflict | Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc | <p>Hello. Adults who come from abusive home histories (physical, emotional, or even psychological), may take a long time to heal from that abuse. We carry our past with us everywhere we go, and it is up to us to find resolutions to past hurts. This is often easier said than done, but it is possible. From the perspective of those with whom you have shared your concerns, it might be assumed that based on where you are in life and who you are now, that you have already worked through any issues from your younger years. Some of our deepest scars in life are indeed invisible and suppressed. We have to get to the place where we can take care of the inner child that is still hurting, by recognizing that those who hurt us - however they did, might have had their own challenges which prevented them from functioning and behaving in ways we might have deeply needed. </p><p>Those who have directly hurt you, may not be capable of acknowledging and understanding how you were affected by their actions - even in the worst of cases. They themselves may be doing what they can, either out of shame or heartbreak for their own actions, to work on forgetting how they behaved toward you all those years before. How are they behaving toward you now? Can you find it in your heart to forgive those who have hurt you? Forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves, and isn't dependent on an apology from an offender. By forgiving (even in the absence of any apology), we are releasing the weight of the burden we are carrying that reflects the offense we feel was committed against us. Sometimes therapy can be helpful in this process. Talking with someone who can be non-judgmental and reflects an empathetic position toward you might be what you need right now. Seeking out a therapist to help you work through these negatives feelings and thoughts is much easier, than trying to go it alone. I would encourage you to reach out and find someone who resonates with you on that journey, so that you can begin a path toward healing.<br></p><p>Warm regards,</p><p>Shawn Berthel, M.S., LMHC<br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 |
56d70c6affed53b4492cfef6 | I’m afraid that I’m gay. | I've been going through a rough time lately. I been into nothing but women. I’ve never thought about men until a week ago. I’m very upset and depressed about this. It's not normal to me. I looked at gay porn more than once to prove that I’m not gay. I get the same results each time, and I feel disgust. This is tough on me. I'm scared that I looked too many times. I keep thinking about it and shake all the time. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-afraid-that-i-m-gay | LGBTQ | Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc | <p>Hello. Coming to terms with the idea that you might be of a sexuality other than the one in which you were socially raised to be, can be emotionally disturbing, and quite unsettling. It creates anxiety, maybe even panic, and leaves us feeling confused and uncertain about our own sense of identity. It becomes important to first ask yourself how you feel when you are thinking of being intimate with guys, or if you desire them to be intimate with you. It is important to know what impact this has on you, because it can determine your level of follow through and desire in pursuing sexual activity with someone of the same sex. I am not going to pass judgment on you either way - even for having the thoughts. I have worked with the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer (LGBTQ) community in various ways over the years. Many I speak to, say they had to struggle to come to terms with this awareness about how they see themselves sexually. Maybe you are bisexual, and don't have an exclusive attraction to the same sex. You might consider doing some searches online for community support groups in your area, to explore the feelings and issues around this topic. Talking to someone who you trust can be helpful too. Running from your feelings is not a good idea, and others in a support group for sexuality issues, might be able to relate to you and what you're going through right now. This will offer you perspective, as you think on how this plays out in your life.</p><p>Counselors are typically well trained to provide clinical services to clients who are experiencing feelings and thoughts much like the ones you are having now. I encourage you to consider reaching out for help. You are not crazy or insane for thinking of working with a counselor, nor of having feelings of same sex attraction. If you decide you are indeed gay, then know that you are not alone and never will be alone in that feeling. There is a huge community of support for you. Additionally, we all need help sometimes dealing with all sort of issues. A counselor can work more in depth with you to examine the motivations behind the feelings, and help you come to terms with them more directly. I hope that you come to a place where you feel less alone and more secure with yourself as you examine this area of your life. No matter what, do not fear being yourself. Again...you are not alone, I promise.</p><p><br></p><p>Warm regards,</p><p>Shawn Berthel, M.S., LMHC</p> | 0 |
5850880c950e2507cf23dd3e | How can I best fight the winter blues? | Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-best-fight-the-winter-blues | Depression | Kim Hollingdale | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kim-hollingdale | <p>Sometimes its quite literally the lack of sunshine that can affect our mood - in these cases it can be worth experimenting with a sun lamp, to boost your dose of vitamin D, when the sun isn't naturally out. Also consider, what is it that the change in weather, changes in your life? If for example, when its sunny you are an outdoorsy, active person and when the weather changes, you're whole activity level changes along with it, you could explore how to get some of that activity replicated indoors in the winter months.</p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Kim Hollingdale | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kim-hollingdale | Therapy can feel very weird to begin with - think about it, how often do we go and tell a relative stranger our deepest, darkest thoughts in the rest of our life? So I think its reasonable to expect a certain level of nerves as you get used to your therapist and to the whole process of talking about yourself and vulnerable topics. That said, its definitely worth bringing to the attention of your therapist (if you haven't already) to see if there is anything that they can do, or that the two of you can explore together, that might make the process feel less intimidating to you. | 0 |
58a34681152ba8625f4005fd | How can I be less stressed? | I need help knowing how to deal with stress. What can I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-stressed-3 | Stress | Linda Lawless | https://counselchat.com/therapists/linda-lawless | <p>Learn how to meditate. I recommend a Mindful Based Stress Reduction MBSR program.</p> | 0 |
579e6e84188cd61c1684e839 | My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy | I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-is-upset-about-my-friendship-with-another-guy | Relationships,Social Relationships | Catherine Hodge | https://counselchat.com/therapists/catherine-hodge | <p>That is a difficult situation and there is no right or wrong. You both need to discuss it and come up with a solution that works for the both of you. You want to spend time with your friend but your boyfriend may feel betrayed by you spending quality time with another man you have been intimate with. There may be a way for you both to get your needs met. Maybe you only spend short periods of time with your friend, not a whole weekend. Or you check in with your boyfriend periodically when you see your friend. It really depends on the two of you. If it becomes too difficult, you may need a neutral party to help you establish appropriate boundaries around this issue. Good luck!</p> | 0 |
579e4020188cd61c1684e837 | I'm very depressed? | I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-very-depressed | Depression | Kim Hollingdale | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kim-hollingdale | <p>Hang in there! Feeling depressed sucks but talking with someone can really help - so its awesome that you're already trying to figure out how to find that person. Tons of good suggestions already but to add my two cents - you can find therapists in your area and read a little bit about them to find someone you like the sound of via this website, and also via www.psychologytoday.com; if you have health insurance your insurer might be able to make recommendations as to therapists covered by your plan, or if you happen to be in school, the school itself should be able to connect you with either their own counselor or a center that they recommend nearby. Finding someone can take a few calls or a bit of research so if you need some immediate support, or find yourself having thoughts of hurting yourself, you can also call the great folks who run the Suicide crisis line https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org - they are great in moments of crisis.</p> | 0 |
579cafb8188cd61c1684e81d | Can i learn to be happy alone? | I'm dealing with an illness that will never go away and I feel like my life will never change for the better. I feel alone and that i have no one.
How can I overcome this pain and learn to be happy alone? | https://counselchat.com/questions/can-i-learn-to-be-happy-alone | Depression,Social Relationships | Kim Hollingdale | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kim-hollingdale | <p>I'm so sorry you're feeling like things will never get better. Try to remember that whatever illness you are dealing with, you are not the only person to have dealt with it and you are not alone! Out there, just waiting for you, is a group of people that will totally understand what you're going through and will be able to share how they coped. Try searching for a support group for your illness - google and www.psychologytoday.com are both good places to start for those groups.</p> | 0 |
58a34681152ba8625f4005fd | How can I be less stressed? | I need help knowing how to deal with stress. What can I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-stressed-3 | Stress | Kim Hollingdale | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kim-hollingdale | Our body reacts to stress typically by breathing more shallowly, increasing our heart rate and tensing our muscles - so one thing that I find really effective is to try to do the opposite of that, which sends the signal to our mind that we are relaxed. So that means, taking slower, fuller breaths and trying to relax any areas where we might be gripping our muscles. Check out meditation apps such as 'Breathe', which can talk you through a relaxing breath exercise. I recommend using the app daily, whether you feel stressed or not, and then also using it when you re feeling particular moments of stress - that way you are practicing the skill when you feel calm(wish) and it'll be ready and able to help you when stress hits hard. | 0 |
579eb688188cd61c1684e83c | My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do. | I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone.
My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-mother-is-trying-to-control-my-life-and-i-don-t-know-what-to-do | Family Conflict,Parenting | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>You're among many millennials who live with their parents due to financial reasons.</p><p>Does your mother mean rules pertaining to the way your family household organizes its daily or does she mean something else?</p><p>Every household needs rules as responsibilities to keep the house clean, who does the grocery shopping, the way costs are distributed for this and all the other carrying charges and tasks of maintaining the house in decent order, as well as respecting the privacy and noise level requests of others who live in the home.</p><p>This set of responsibilities applies whenever more than one person lives with another person.</p><p>Have you tried simply telling your mom that you're willing to be a responsible household member and that you prefer to keep the details of the way you live the rest of your life, to yourself?</p><p>This would show respect to your mom and start the discussion as to the areas of your life you feel deserve privacy and how you would like to handle when your right to run your own life overlaps with any household duties.</p> | 0 |
577189ba3c9e6b307a8ae61f | How should I handle the child I had with my ex-wife? | My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-should-i-handle-the-child-i-had-with-my-ex-wife | Parenting,Relationship Dissolution | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | What are the ways your ex-wife uses your child as a pawn?<div><br></div><div>This answer determines the best ways to handle particular situations.</div><div><br></div><div>Basically, distinguish that your father relationship to your child lasts has great meaning for your child and as the adult, the responsibility for managing this relationship falls on you.</div><div><br></div><div>Your relationship to your ex wife took place between two adults and therefore you are only responsible for your own actions to repair the damage done to you.</div><div>From what you write, you already have a plan in progress to do this by separating yourself as much as possible from contact with the ex.</div><div><br></div><div>In a way the challenge of keeping active as a parent while also distancing and clearing your emotions of the hurt and betrayal done to you, will establish both a solid relationship with your child and grow more acceptance and self-forgiveness of having been taken advantage of and tricked.</div> | 0 |
58acb2ef98741803743bf61c | I'm concerned about my 12 year old daughter. | I'm concerned about My 12 year old daughter.
About a month or two ago she started walking on her toes, as well as coloring and writing very messy. This all happened very suddenly. She has never walked on her tiptoes and has always colored and written very neatly.
Is this something I should be concerned abou? Any advice will help. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-concerned-about-my-12-year-old-daughter | Parenting,Children & Adolescents | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Have you asked your daughter why she's doing the behaviors you describe?</p><p>Often the best way to find out why someone does something is to simply ask them their reason.</p><p>Her answer will give you some guidance as to next possible steps.</p><p>If she's pretending to be a fantasy figure or trying to find out how being taller feels, or walking on high heels or some other image then knowing this rules out that she has some unbearable pain in her arch which may require more practical answers such as new shoes or even indicate a medical problem.</p><p>Ask if she's noticed any change in the way she walks. </p><p>Maybe she doesn't know she's doing this and maybe she feels embarrassed to tell you she's doing something a bit odd.</p><p>Since usually 12 year olds don't color, is it new that she started coloring?</p><p>Maybe given the fact of messy handwriting, she's in a phase of pretending or reflecting on good times as a young child.</p><p>Then this becomes the topic of examination.</p><p>Does she feel insecure about being on the cusp of adolescence?</p><p>Some of these questions can be asked directly and some are for you to first decide based on what you know of your daughter, which questions and what direction to take in understanding your daughter's motivation. </p><p><br></p> | 0 |
579f8d7d188cd61c1684e840 | Why am I experiencing dfficulty maintaining an erection? | A few years ago I was making love to my wife when for no known reason I lost my erection,
Now I'm In my early 30s and my problem has become more and more frequent. This is causing major problems for my ego and it's diminishing my self esteem. This has resulted in ongoing depression and tearing apart my marriage.
I am devastated and cannot find a cause for these issues. I am very attracted to my wife and want to express it in the bedroom like I used to.
What could be causing this, and what can I do about it? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-experiencing-dfficulty-maintaining-an-erection | Intimacy,Human Sexuality,Depression,Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>First step always is to do a medical rule out so that you're sure the problem is psychological and emotion based, not a medical condition which requires care and attention.</p><p>If you are medically clear in the reasons for losing your erection, then reflect on what may be creating a loss in confidence in either who you are and what you're doing with your life, or whether your wife has these sort of problems within herself.</p><p>Often a problem transfers ownership of who shows it.</p><p>If you are a sensitive person its possible your erection problem reflects your wife's insecurities and self-doubt. If she is someone who is reluctant to talk about feeling unsure then in a certain way by you showing a problem, she can avoid looking at herself.</p><p>There may not be a direct cause such as usually exists in a medical problem.</p><p>Medicine looks for symptoms to treat.</p><p>Our emotional lives are much more indirect.</p><p>If you feel stress at work or are unhappy in the place you live, for example, then your frustration may show up in your sex life.</p><p>Basically, do a broad inward search of your life and what it holds and maybe ask your wife to do the same.</p><p><br></p><p>You may clear the air within yourselves and between each other so the problem goes away.</p> | 0 |
58a3467a152ba8625f4005fb | How can I be less stressed? | I need help dealing with stress. How can I handle it all and feel less stressed out? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-stressed-4 | Stress | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>In case you feel some relief to know you're feeling the tone of our times.</p><p>We live with crumbling of our values which then gives rise to insecurity everywhere. If someone doesn't know what their values are then its difficult to do anything, and right now everyday we hear uncertainty in what used to be our basic assumptions.</p><p>You're more normal for noticing and feeling stressed than if you imagine life felt fine the way it is!</p><p>One road to take is to accept that there are no clear roads forward. This means to change long term goals into shorter ones.</p><p>Also, in general the more focused you can be as to your particular wishes, motivations, interests, and people about whom you care, the greater will be your sense of confidence that your personal world is as secure as it can be for right now.</p><p>And, it helps too to know that nothing lasts forever, eventually all of what is up in the air will start to land in a much more clear way.</p> | 0 |
579c2689188cd61c1684e817 | How can I deal with my depression? | I know I need to deal with my depression. But I don't know how and I don't want to tell anyone.
How can I deal with depression without telling anyone? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-deal-with-my-depression-2 | Depression | Kim Hollingdale | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kim-hollingdale | <p>It can be really tough to tell someone - anyone - that you're feeling depressed. But finding that supportive person that you can share with is a big part of the battle with depression. Depression thrives on being secret, it seems to grow the more we isolate ourselves and hide it away so I'm with Laura Cassidy, when she suggests finding that professional support person so you can start fighting back against your depression. If that feels like too big a step right now, maybe check out a book or two... I'm a big fan of a book called 'Feeling Good' by Dr. David Burns if you want some practical thoughts on tackling depression and on 'Radical Acceptance' by Tara Brach if you prefer something a little more spiritual.</p> | 0 |
577b9eea7fe85f1465e1ffff | How do I deal with bullying at school? | I've been bullied for years and the teachers have done nothing about it. I haven't been diagnosed with depression, but i have been extremely sad for years.
How can I deal with being bullied at school when the teachers won't help? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-bullying-at-school | Children & Adolescents | Kelly Mulroy, LMHC, NCC, DCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kelly-mulroy-lmhc-ncc-dcc | <p>That's a very difficult situation that you are in. But you are not alone. I have several school-aged clients who find little to no assistance from their teachers at their schools regarding bullying.</p><p>There are a few options that are available to you to help deal with being bullied at school. One option that I would suggest is for you to talk to your support network. Friends and family can sometimes be good sources of support. Another option would be to speak with us about your counselor, if you have one. And third, there are some excellent online sources of support regarding the bullying at school (www.stopbullying.org).</p> | 0 |
579f8d7d188cd61c1684e840 | Why am I experiencing dfficulty maintaining an erection? | A few years ago I was making love to my wife when for no known reason I lost my erection,
Now I'm In my early 30s and my problem has become more and more frequent. This is causing major problems for my ego and it's diminishing my self esteem. This has resulted in ongoing depression and tearing apart my marriage.
I am devastated and cannot find a cause for these issues. I am very attracted to my wife and want to express it in the bedroom like I used to.
What could be causing this, and what can I do about it? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-experiencing-dfficulty-maintaining-an-erection | Intimacy,Human Sexuality,Depression,Relationships | Kelly Mulroy, LMHC, NCC, DCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kelly-mulroy-lmhc-ncc-dcc | When I'm working with men with this type of situation, I always suggest a medical examination to rule out any type of organic reason for a difficulty in maintaining interaction. In cases where there is no medical reason for the loss of erection, I find that many men have a similar situation in experiencing negative intrusive thinking during lovemaking. My counseling approach for this situation is to incorporate the use of mindful sex. | 0 |
58a3467a152ba8625f4005fb | How can I be less stressed? | I need help dealing with stress. How can I handle it all and feel less stressed out? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-stressed-4 | Stress | Kelly Mulroy, LMHC, NCC, DCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kelly-mulroy-lmhc-ncc-dcc | <p>Part of handling stress is making sure that your perception of the stress is accurate. Sometimes stress can seem more than it really is. One thing that I encourage my clients to do is to ask themselves, "What is this stressor really about?" Simplifying stress is a key to minimizing stress and leads to feeling less stressed out.</p> | 0 |
57a48d31188cd61c1684e8a3 | How do I stop feeling empty? | I don't know how else to explain it. All I can say is that I feel empty, I feel nothing. How do I stop feeling this way? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-feeling-empty | Depression | Kelly Mulroy, LMHC, NCC, DCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kelly-mulroy-lmhc-ncc-dcc | <p>A feeling of emptiness can be from a lack of awareness and acknowledgment for the things, the people, the places that you have in your life. The use of affirmation and gratitudes helps to remind ourselves of all of the aspects of our lives.</p> | 0 |
579e6e84188cd61c1684e839 | My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy | I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-is-upset-about-my-friendship-with-another-guy | Relationships,Social Relationships | Kelly Mulroy, LMHC, NCC, DCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kelly-mulroy-lmhc-ncc-dcc | <p>This can be a very complicated situation. The boundaries of relationship include the rules to follow in the relationship. It is important to follow the rules of your relationship in regards to each person being able to spend time with exes. If you and your boyfriend agree upon a rule about spending time with exes, then there should be no problem. </p> | 0 |
579f8d7d188cd61c1684e840 | Why am I experiencing dfficulty maintaining an erection? | A few years ago I was making love to my wife when for no known reason I lost my erection,
Now I'm In my early 30s and my problem has become more and more frequent. This is causing major problems for my ego and it's diminishing my self esteem. This has resulted in ongoing depression and tearing apart my marriage.
I am devastated and cannot find a cause for these issues. I am very attracted to my wife and want to express it in the bedroom like I used to.
What could be causing this, and what can I do about it? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-experiencing-dfficulty-maintaining-an-erection | Intimacy,Human Sexuality,Depression,Relationships | Marissa Talarico | https://counselchat.com/therapists/marissa-talarico-2 | <p>For starters, know that this is a normal experience for many men at some point in their lives. While this can certainly cause some embarrassment, a diminished sexual esteem or relationship problems, it is important to know you are not alone. I am going to move forward assuming that you have already checked with a medical professional to rule out any medical problems that may be related to this. Assuming that is the case, for most this happens for two primary reasons. It is either a short term biological shortage of blood flow to the penis. This can be caused my diet, lack of exercise, even stress. Another primary reason for loss of erections are anxiety. Have their been recent relationship issues? Are you feeling as though you aren't satisfied in the bedroom? These are just a few aspects that can cause subconscious anxiety and loss of erection. My suggestion to you would be to seek out a counselor that specializes in sexuality that can assist you in moving forward with this. Best of Luck!<br></p> | 0 |
579bab40188cd61c1684e811 | Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once? | My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.
I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once | Intimacy,Relationships,Human Sexuality | Marissa Talarico | https://counselchat.com/therapists/marissa-talarico-2 | <p>As a relationship therapist I work with couples all the time that are in the repair phase of their relationship after infidelity. The short answer to this, is not only is it possible to have a satisfying and fullfilling relationship after infidelity, it happens more often that we may know. The current rate of infidelity is high, while it's not important to go into many reasons, it mau be important to know you aren't alone in this! My biggest suggestion for you would be to seek out a professional counselor that specializes in working with couples healing from infidelity. Best of luck! <br></p> | 0 |
58432aa8950e2507cf23dc87 | How does counseling help people? | Does counseling really do anything that can help people? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-help-people | Counseling Fundamentals | Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc | <p>Hello. Yes, counseling can be beneficial to many people. One of the effective components to effective therapy, is when the client becomes willing to participate in the counseling. I don't mean just show up and listen to the counselor for 45-50 minutes, but also that the client themselves opens up and shares with the counselor the issues that brought them to counseling in the first place. This requires you to be vulnerable, capable of moving past your protective measures of showing the best of yourself, and allowing the counselor to see the sides of you that likely are not as favorable. Therapy works when you and the counselor engage openly, honestly, and with mutual trust that both of you will work for common goals - your improvement of self. It does take time, and there are no quick fixes (usually), so be prepared to invest in yourself and explore the dark places. You'll thank yourself later, knowing that you are more connected to yourself and might even feel more whole after the process. Be well.</p> | 0 |
58432aa8950e2507cf23dc87 | How does counseling help people? | Does counseling really do anything that can help people? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-help-people | Counseling Fundamentals | Toni Genovese | https://counselchat.com/therapists/toni-genovese | I love this question! Some people shy away from counseling because they think since they already talk about how they feel to their relatives or friends they shouldn't need a counselor. However, if you are having a difficult time, counseling can be beneficial in helping you move forward and get your life back on track. <div><br></div><div>Counseling is not like the kind of talking we do to people we know. For one, your counselor does not have a history with you and has no expectations of how you will act and what you will do. In that way, counselors come to a session without judgement and expectation. This gives you the platform to truly explore your thoughts and feelings. A counselor can also help you understand your motivation and help you integrate your past experiences and recommend coping skills that can help you if you are feeling overwhelmed by your emotions. </div><div><br></div><div>Over time, as you work with a counselor you will get feedback and also be able to share new insights. The work you do is based on you and where you are at. Oftentimes, when we talk to friends they bring their own agenda to a conversation, and while they mean well they may offer solutions that work for them and not you. A counselor will help you uncover the solutions that work best for you and help you find the motivation to follow through with your plan.</div><div><br></div><div>Best of luck to you!</div> | 0 |
57a153d9188cd61c1684e858 | How do I get over "imposter syndrome"? | I'm dealing with imposter syndrome in graduate school. I know that by all accounts I am a phenomenal graduate student, and that I am well-published. I am well liked by students and faculty alike. And yet I cannot shake the feeling that I'm going to be found out as a fraud.
How can I get over this feeling? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-imposter-syndrome | Stress,Workplace Relationships,Anxiety | Rossana Magalhaes | https://counselchat.com/therapists/rossana-magalhaes | <p>It would be very helpful to identify with you eventual pattern where the <span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Georgia, Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;">imposter syndrome is more or less present. Are there specific situations where you've noticed the feelings of "I'm going to be found out as a fraud" becoming more strong? It seems that shaking this feeling is very important to you. In my opinion, before shaking that feeling, we need to get closer to it and understand its roots. If you would like to get closer to the feeling, you might consider asking yourself questions such: "What is the trigger for this feeling? How does it feel in the body? What is the thought process I engage with after noticing this feeling? All the best. Rossana Mag.</span></p> | 0 |
579e6e84188cd61c1684e839 | My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy | I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-is-upset-about-my-friendship-with-another-guy | Relationships,Social Relationships | Rossana Magalhaes | https://counselchat.com/therapists/rossana-magalhaes | <p>It is not the case of being right or wrong, in my view. If you are asking, I believe you truly care for your boyfriend. It seems like he is having difficulties in establishing trust in this relationship. The ideal would be to come closer to his upsetness and to show him that you are there for him. I hope all goes well. Rossana Mag.</p> | 0 |
579e6e84188cd61c1684e839 | My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy | I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-is-upset-about-my-friendship-with-another-guy | Relationships,Social Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Ideally you and your boyfriend will reach a balance point where you and your boyfriend are each happy with the level of involvement you have with your former boyfriend.</p><p>Start w a discussion with your current boyfriend as to what specifically he doesn't like about your friendship with your former boyfriend.</p><p>It is possible that you can answer his concerns as well he can find out from you more as to what the friendship is all about.</p><p>As a therapist, I've never seen a former romantic relationship become only a friendship. As sincere as you may be in your intention to only keep the friendship with the former relationship partner, if your former boyfriend secretly has romantic feelings for you, then at best, you've got an unclear friendship with this person.</p><p>The obvious possibility is to socialize together with your current boyfriend and your former one. If neither guy would go for this, then this would show there is an undercurrent of competition for your romantic attention.</p><p>Basically make your romantic partner's feelings and your own, the major considerations and discuss from this perspective.</p> | 0 |
57a153d9188cd61c1684e858 | How do I get over "imposter syndrome"? | I'm dealing with imposter syndrome in graduate school. I know that by all accounts I am a phenomenal graduate student, and that I am well-published. I am well liked by students and faculty alike. And yet I cannot shake the feeling that I'm going to be found out as a fraud.
How can I get over this feeling? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-imposter-syndrome | Stress,Workplace Relationships,Anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>First step is to remove the label of your behavior as a syndrome and instead understand the reasons for it.</p><p>"Imposter syndrome" sounds like a name someone made up to write a book and have lots of people buy it bc it gives the feeling they know themselves by calling themselves this name.</p><p>Instead, consider your own unique qualities including your fears of being recognized as adding value to people's lives.</p><p>If you were told growing up that you're worthless, or if your chosen career goes against family advice and expectations, or if you simply are a shy person, then these would be the starting points to understand your reluctance to believe in yourself.</p><p>The more you understand yourself and trust the truths you find as to who you are, the less you will feel fraudulent.</p><p>Good luck in your career work!</p> | 0 |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Frank Walker | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-walker | <p>From the very beginning of counseling sessions I emphasize that the work will and must end at some point.</p><p>In counseling there is an arc to the process. A beginning, middle and end. </p><p>I am always digging, searching and exploring.</p><p> There comes a point where things come to there natural ending.</p><p>I always leave an opening for continuing counseling in the future. At least as a check in.</p> | 0 |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Christopher Smith | https://counselchat.com/therapists/christopher-smith | <p>There are different reasons why a counselor may seek to terminate with a client and these will each have different processes by which the counselor will come to that decision. Here are a few examples. </p><p>The counselor may determine that the client's needs are outside what the counselor is competent to be able to work with. A person may have come to the counselor talking about a particular issue but either when they first met or as counseling progressed, it may become clear that the issue is in fact something different or that there is an additional related issue. If that issue is outside the competence of the counselor, the counselor should look for alternatives, the most common of which would be to terminate and refer. Beyond clinical issues, this could also come up around particular other related facts, such as the culture of the client or linguistic issues. This could also be the choice of the counselor if they know someone that they feel would be a better match for the client's issues. </p><p>Another reason for discharge (and possible referral) would be if the relationship does not seem to be a good fit. No counselor is the right person to work with everyone. If the right level of connection is not happening, the counselor will often look first at what they are doing, might talk about it with the client and ultimately will admit that things don't seem to be working to allow the desired therapeutic process to work. A similar process would be followed if the counselor determined that the client might not yet be ready for counseling as evidenced by lack of engagement such as frequent cancellations, not doing any agreed on work between sessions, showing up late or being really guarded in session. </p><p>The easiest situation to decide on is when a person has met their counseling goals and have nothing new that they are working on. While this is the easiest one to determine, it is also probably the hardest one for the counselor as they may be like the client in not wanting the relationship to come to an end. However, counselors know that this is part of the process. They will also determine this by regularly reviewing the treatment plan or by sending in the sessions that the work has come to an end. This type of termination maybe final or may be with the intent that the client will return later to address other things that have been identified but for which they are not ready to move into. </p><p>All of these (and other) situations involves the counselor being open to the relationship ending, to monitoring how things are going, then engaging in self reflection, possibly talking with the client and then coming to a conclusion on which the counselor follows through. </p> | 0 |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>This is a question that is very specific to each person. There are definitely some variables, but I can give you some general ideas for when counseling might end:</p><ul><li>When a client has met all of their goals, at least to a degree when they feel that they no longer need to work on them with the assistance of a counselor</li><li>Sometimes a decision is made that a client is no longer benefiting from counseling at a certain time</li><li>Sometimes clients have to remain in counseling in order to receive medication. This depends on agency policy, but sometimes it is a requirement. If the medication is necessary and cannot be prescribed by a primary care physician, frequency of sessions is usually decreased greatly</li></ul><p>I'm not sure why you are asking this question, but it is also something that is often discussed at the beginning of treatment. Oftentimes "discharge goals" change as treatment progresses because more is known about clients, their goals, changes in their goals, and many other things. Changes are normal, but your counselor probably has discharge goals in mind, at least generally, from the beginning. I strongly encourage you to ask about it!</p> | 0 |
58c61c9598741803743bf6cb | How does someone approach a counselor? | How does a person start the counseling process? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor | Counseling Fundamentals | Cory Ian Shafer LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc | <p>Usually people call me by phone, they introduce themselves, we chat for a bit, then we schedule a time for their appointment</p> | 0 |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Cimberly R. Nesker | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cimberly-r-nesker | <p>Hi there, </p><p>There are a number of reasons why a therapeutic relationship might end including, but not limited to the client reaching their goals, the client reaching a place of acceptance where they wish to remain or even a breach within the relationship. The last aspect should likely be taken to supervision in order to be fully processed. All of these things could happen, and usually happen organically (again, except for the last example). </p><p>Your question, however, was about the counselor ending treatment. This is a bit more difficult and can be very nerve-wracking. It may be beneficial to take this with you to supervision, as well. It's important to understand why you feel the need to end or terminate with the client, as well. Do you feel that they would be better suited for another therapist, have they achieved their goals or is it something else?</p><p>In regular, open-ended sessions, I try to make a point of checking in with the clients fairly frequently. In these check-ins, I use the time to ask the client how they feel about the sessions and if there is anything they wish to focus on more astutely. I also ask if they have any immediate goals that they would like to prioritize. In goal-oriented sessions, I check in more frequently to ensure that both the client and I remain focused and, should they wish to shift their focus, that they recognize it is part of my responsibilities to make sure we move back to the desired goal. </p><p>Often, especially in longer term therapeutic relationships, we as clinicians can see that the client has reached their goal, however they are apprehensive about ending therapy. This is actually a great place to go with them; why would they feel unable to handle issues in their external or internal environment without you? Often, having this open discussion can increase empowerment and mastery. That said, it could also highlight other issues which the client may have been apprehensive about going into within therapy and now, as the relationship seems to be ending, feels more confident in bringing these up. </p><p>In the case where the relationship is a toxic one, terminating with a client may be the best option for both of you. It's a difficult conversation, but recall that part of the role of the therapist is to model that these discomforts can be managed. </p><p>I hope that this brief response can assist you going forward!</p> | 0 |
58c61c9598741803743bf6cb | How does someone approach a counselor? | How does a person start the counseling process? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor | Counseling Fundamentals | Cimberly R. Nesker | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cimberly-r-nesker | <p>Hello, </p><p>There are many ways to approach a counselor and starting the process, however they all start with picking up the phone. It's most definitely an uncomfortable feeling, but once that first step is taken it is often met with a wave of relief. </p><p>My recommendation is always to call and speak with a therapist over the phone before scheduling an appointment. Listening to how they converse, use their tone and inflection, may give you a brief insight to how they will respond to you and increase your comfort right away. You may also discover, rather quickly, that this therapist is not the right match for you.</p><p>Regardless of how you go about it, I like to remind all people who call, email, text or walk-in, therapists are a bit like pizzas - if you don't like the toppings, send it back! There are hundreds of therapists offering all kinds of styles of therapy - take the time to pick one that suits you. </p><p><br></p> | 0 |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Nat Roman | https://counselchat.com/therapists/nat-roman-toronto | <p>There are typically three reasons why therapy is terminated:</p><p>1) Client has met therapy goals</p><p>2) Client is not progressing </p><p>3) Therapist is not a good fit for client</p><p>In order to properly assess whether therapy is helping and what progress is being made, the therapist needs to have ways of consistently checking in with clients sessions-by-session to determine what is helping, what isn't, and where the client is at in relation to their original therapy goals. When a client has met their goals, that is a good time to end counselling sessions unless the client has new goals or simply wants to check-in periodically to make sure that they are still on track (sometimes referred to as relapse prevention). </p><p>When a client is not progressing, and feedback has been taken and attempts have been made to make the therapy more helpful for the client but to no avail, than it is considered unethical to continue to work with the client. In these circumstances, referring out to another therapist who may be a better fit is a good idea.</p> | 0 |
588861ae152ba8625f400559 | My family says I have depression. | I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks.
Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right.
Are they right, am I depressed? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-family-says-i-have-depression | Depression | Cimberly R. Nesker | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cimberly-r-nesker | <p>I'm alway wary of assigning a term to a feeling, as often that term becomes more important than the feeling itself. From the very little that you have written, it is clear that you are going through something that has made you extremely low, affected your self-esteem and motivation, limits your enjoyment of formerly pleasurable activities and affects your feelings of self-worth. All of these are aspects of being depressed, though you can be depressed and still not have "depression". </p><p>Counseling is definitely a place where you can go and sort out why you have had such a sudden a drastic change to your mood. Sometimes our mood can be effected by changes in our routine, losses or significant disappointments. Talking with someone will not only help you to better understand why you are feeling this way, but they will also help you to ground yourself and learn strategies and tools to help you to manage your mood and strategize for the future. </p><p>I do hope that you will reach out. Feeling alone can be harmful over long periods of time, as it can stop us from seeking out the support we need. <br></p> | 0 |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc | <p>Hello. The end of the counselor/client relationship is one of mutual respect and engagement. Counseling sessions can end for any number of reasons. Among them are the client's inability to make forward progress in therapy; the clinician's inability to help the client (for a variety of reasons); a mutually agreed upon time frame for a number of sessions to be provided; or the financial challenges of the client who decides that they need to put their resources elsewhere. In this last case, a counselor should never cancel sessions with a client simply on the basis of the client's inability to pay. That is traditionally seen as an unethical practice. Other arrangements can be made to provide care to the client, which in itself should be paramount.</p><p>When the client and therapist decide that services are done, it is best if there is at least one or two more sessions to allow a case file review to occur, and to bring an appropriate psychological sense of closure to the client (and vicariously to the clinician as well, those this is perhaps not as important). This transition gives both a sense of having reached the end of a journey...rather than some abrupt departure from it. (An abrupt ending in therapy can have a varying level of impact both emotionally and psychologically on the client and therapist). Sometimes the closure of therapy is the result of a program of therapy being formally completed, in which there is a mutually known (albeit perhaps approximate) date of when that program will be finished. In this case, the client is likely feeling that impending closure and has time to prepare mentally and emotionally from a place of being the client in therapy, to a place of healing, growth and situational resolution.</p><p>I have always worked in therapy with the following slogan (if you will), that I learned years ago during graduate school: "Not every therapist is good for every client, and not every client is good for every therapist." It is perhaps one of the most important guiding views I hold in working with clients. The therapeutic relationship is driven by mutuality - the desire of the client to get better at living life, and the therapist's desire to truly see the client heal and grow. When there is a block in this process from either side that prevents that synergy from occurring, the relationship that should be established may not be able to form. Or, if already formed, may at some point be unable to move forward. In these instances, referring the client to another type of service or clinician is appropriate. Usually, this can be seen pretty quickly by either party, though sometimes it is not always clear.</p><p>Ultimately, the client and counselor need to work together to discover if the needs of the client (which is paramount) are being met in the therapeutic engagement with their current counselor, or if other arrangements need to be made to go elsewhere. If both are observant in this process, they can work together to maintain that sacred space and continue to reach the goals that have been set. Eventually, therapy will end, but hopefully based on the client's successful journey to the place where they wanted to go, and thus opening the next chapters of their life to a space that is more whole and brighter.</p> | 0 |
58c61c9598741803743bf6cb | How does someone approach a counselor? | How does a person start the counseling process? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor | Counseling Fundamentals | Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc | <p>Hello. Counseling often begins way before the client ever actually calls the local therapist. There is often a tipping point in the internal struggle that the client experiences, where they can no longer deal with the issues on their own and thus giving the motivation to seek external help. That said, clients usually go seeking therapists based on what their insurance will cover, or what is likely to be more and more the case in the near future...what they are able to pay for out of pocket. That first phone call to a prospective counselor can often feel like torture, but it doesn't have to stay that way. Counselors are well trained to acknowledge the inherent goodness of all clients, and should be able to see and hear the sense of fear in the client of being judged or put down in some way. The counselor you select should be compassionate, caring, able to join with you on your journey to resolving your issues or concerns, and to do so without negative judgment of you as a person of worth.</p><p>Once you have found a counselor you want to work with, you would then schedule an appointment to meet. That first session is often very low key. There might be some forms for you to complete, which will help the counselor address your concerns and learn a bit more about you. The counselor will typically provide you with what we generally call in the profession a professional disclosure or practice statement. This document (which may be several pages long) usually outlines the counselor's credentials; practice rules; forms of payment; office hours; emergency contact details; and confidentiality guidelines under state and federal law, among other details. All of this benefits you as the client, so that you are well informed and can focus your attention on why you are meeting with the counselor.</p><p>In the first session, it is absolutely okay to be nervous. Here's a really big secret (which is important to keep in mind as counseling begins): Counselors are often as nervous (if not more) to meet a new client, as the client is to meet their new counselor. It's true. We as professionals are trying to put our best foot forward to impress you with our awesome counseling skills. While simultaneously hiding all the troubling unwanted issues that we ourselves have in our life too, and being worried that we might not know if we can help the client sitting in front of us. What makes it even more challenging, is that counselors are often put on a giant pedestal of perfection by clients (all while we as counselors tend to look at it like we're standing on a three legged stool). This is normal for us when seen from the eyes of the client. Counselors and clients are both human, and we both make mistakes. Coming from that place of understanding, might bring a sense of ease to both the client and the therapist as they seek to work together. </p><p>Part of this perception of perfection held by clients toward counselors, is that the skills of the counselor might look like they have all the answers. We honestly do not, plain and simple. Counselors come from life experiences (where they might be farther down on life's road than you); they hold completion of various forms of training; and have advanced education. Yet we are in the end, imperfect beings struggling to help imperfect people. This makes it easier to be compassionate to new clients walking through our door with the hope that we will receive that same compassion in return. Very often, we can find ourselves reflected in our clients' lives with their struggles and can become more effective at helping if we have resolved similar issues in our own life. So as you begin to seek out a therapist, try looking for one who is aware of their own life issues and is actively working on them too. Someone who can meet you where you are at emotionally and can understand your sense of your struggle that you are facing at the present moment. That counselor may be a good example for you as you enter into therapy and build your own strength, and thus begin dealing with the issues more effectively you bring up in therapy.</p> | 0 |
5668ab2cf9037d5d3620db1f | I'm in a relationship, and I think I like my ex-boyfriend. Who do I choose? | I'm dating this guy, Peter. My friend Jennifer used to date him a while ago, and she's fine with us dating. My ex-boyfriend, Paul, broke up with Jennifer, and she's devastated about it. Peter and I are going through a rough patch in our relationship. All of a sudden, Paul is in "love" with me, and he wants me back. I don't know what to do because I can't hurt my friend or my boyfriend, but I think I might Paul again. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-in-a-relationship-and-i-think-i-like-my-ex-boyfriend-who-do-i-choose | Relationships | Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc | <p>Hello. The dynamics of having a romantic relationship with someone is not always clear. Sometimes we jump from one relationship to another without giving ourselves a chance to adjust and grieve for the one we had to leave behind. When you find yourself in a situation where a previous partner is coming back into your life and desires to be with you again, it is important to ask yourself what the motivations are prompting that return. Is the person afraid of being alone? Are they jealous of your current relationship? Do you feel the same way about this returning relationship as you did before it was ended? How long and/or how committed is the current relationship you are in now with your current partner? Does your former partner not like being "dumped" and maybe they just want to get back together with you so that they can "dump" you instead? Some of these questions you may not be able to answer, and some of them might require your own internal reflection.</p><p>You likely want to make a good decision, and you also might want to consider who it will impact, and how that will happen. Other friends might be upset at this sudden change, and it could create a strain on your friendship. You will want to carefully consider the value of that friendship before you take any actions that could damage it. Also perhaps think about what led you to end the relationship with your previous partner in the first place. Has there been a change in events or behavior that would cause you to think of a valid reason to give that person a second chance? How it will it impact your current relationship?</p><p>Going into relationships should be done with reflection, patience, and full awareness. Ultimately you choose who is in your life, so you want to make those choices based on appropriate decision making, and with the ability to protect yourself from harm. No one else can make this choice for you. However, gaining the insight of friends or family can be helpful, as can seeking out the counsel of a therapist. In your heart, you will likely find the right answer. Learn to trust that more, as that is where the core of emotion tends to be when you need it. Use your mind to analyze things, but allow yourself to also feel your way through the situation too. The answer will arrive if you let it.</p> | 0 |
58d18b6498741803743bf7df | How can I cope with work related stress better? | I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing.
What can I do to manage my stress? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better | Stress,Workplace Relationships | Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc | <p>Hello. Workplace stress is one of those areas of living that troubles many people who need an income to survive. The interactions between you and coworkers is a mixed bag, and sorting that out can be difficult. Also, if you are feeling under appreciated and not well paid, this can add bitterness to your lot of emotions. A few questions can be kept in mind as you work through your situation. Do you have the option of talking to your employer about your experiences and feelings with regard to your current work? Do you have local resources that you can use to find different jobs in your field? Do you have connections with employment counselors or agencies that can support you with strategies in dealing with workplace stress? These questions might cause others to bubble up, and could begin a new journey into a new field.</p><p>While still at your job, what can you do to take care of yourself? Are you taking breaks? Do you eat lunch at the office, or do you go somewhere away from the office to eat? What do you do when you have a few moments to breathe? Understanding that you can indeed find even the smallest strategies useful for self-care, can help bolster your energy and give you some support as you move through the day. Seeking the support of family and friends can be helpful as well. Knowing your personal limits and when to pull back and take a break will give you a chance to recharge your mental and physical energy, thus helping you face the demands of your job. </p> | 0 |
58c61c9598741803743bf6cb | How does someone approach a counselor? | How does a person start the counseling process? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor | Counseling Fundamentals | Traci Lowenthal | https://counselchat.com/therapists/traci-lowenthal-2 | <p>Hi! Great question! My suggestion would be to google therapists in your area. One great website is called Psychology Today, which is a National site. You can search for therapists in your zip code and search more specifically for the issue you are seeking support about. It's a great way to find out if they therapist has a speciality, accepts insurance and whether they offer a free phone consultation. I would then make a list of the ones that may be a good fit and then give them a call! :) Hope this helps. Remember you get to ask anything you need to, to determine if someone is a good fit. Don't be afraid to ask anything! :) Best of luck!</p> | 0 |
579ed169188cd61c1684e83e | How do I tell a girl that I crossdress? | I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out.
How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-a-girl-that-i-crossdress | Human Sexuality,LGBTQ,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Thanks for asking this question. I think the most important part of what you mentioned was that you do it because it makes you happy. For that reason, I would encourage you to keep doing what makes you happy.</p><p>As far as telling girls or keeping it a secret, I don't really think that it's necessarily one or the other, at least not the first time that you meet. In other words, one part of your decision-making could be whether it is something that you always want to address in the first date, or perhaps something that you address after you've known each other for a couple of meetings. The answer to that question may also change depending on who you are dating. I would imagine that each person that you are with mainly due to a different decision this was when to disclose this. </p><p>It sounds like this is an important part of you, so I would think that if you were going to date someone long-term, you would want them to know about the most important parts of you, including that.</p><p>I also encourage you to remember that if you meet someone who is not comfortable with this, that does not mean that there is anything wrong with what you are doing, but rather something that the other person is in some way deciding not to continue learning about or choosing to have someone they are dating like to cross-dress.</p><p>I'd also ask you to consider this: Are the people who you say this to expecting it? My guess is that the answer is probably not. Along with that, Are they going to have questions? I would imagine so.</p><p>Are you comfortable answering questions?</p><p>I wonder if you could figure out yourself or with friends (or perhaps even with a therapist) how you would answer these sorts of questions:</p><ul><li>What exactly is cross-dressing?</li><li>Does that change the gender that you're attracted to?</li><li>What does it mean to you?</li><li>Why is it important to you?</li><li>And what you want your listening person to know about you related to cross-dressing.</li></ul><p>There could even be ways that you can start the conversation by asking them to be open to listen to you and ask questions about what they are thinking before they make any quick decisions about you or the relationship.</p><p>I certainly hope that you find the right person for you. I imagine that having this conversation could be stressful, especially considering the idea that you have had some negative reactions in the past. Remember that talking this through with a therapist could be very helpful.</p> | 0 |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Miriam Dyak | https://counselchat.com/therapists/miriam-dyak | <p>Hopefully both the client and counselor would together decide when to terminate counseling sessions. It's really helpful for the client to leave counseling with a solid sense of what he or she has accomplished in counseling, so it can be a good idea to spend some time acknowledging that in the last session or sessions. Sometimes, however, a client has needs beyond the scope of the counselor's expertise. That's a good time for a conversation about those needs and ideas of how best to meet them, whether by adding in care with an additional mental health professional or transferring care entirely to a new mental health provider.</p> | 0 |
58c9c85398741803743bf6e9 | My daughter isn't acting her age. | My daughter seemed to be developing at a normal rate until about the age of 10. She then started to act younger than she is.
Now she only wants to play with younger kids and she doesn't act her age. I don't know why this is happening. Is this normal? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-daughter-isn-t-acting-her-age | Parenting,Children & Adolescents | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Good for you to know your daughter's friendship circles and to notice when these have changed.</p><p>While friendships are key relationships, they are not the only indicator of someone not developing normally.</p><p>Is your observation and opinion that your daughter isn't normal based on other factors or just this one?</p><p><br></p><p>If this is the only factor then start with reflecting on what circumstances may be influencing your daughter to socialize with younger kids.</p><p>Has she ben ostracized or bullied by her peers and may be retreating to avoid further emotional hurt?</p><p>Is she keeping up with her school work?</p><p>Sometimes kids who feel overwhelmed by schoolwork will regress into conditions in which they feel more success and control.</p><p>Are there family circumstances such as the death of someone with whom your daughter felt close? </p><p>Or, is there a new younger sibling in the family or a younger sibling who due to their own circumstance receives more attention than your daughter may wish for herself.</p><p><br></p><p>Once you've reflected on which areas may be affecting your daughter, gently ask her some questions about her comfort with what you theorize may be the source of the problem.</p><p>Its also possible that offering her your extra time and interest may increase her sense of self so that she feels secure enough to increase her social time with her age group.</p> | 0 |
58c61c9298741803743bf6ca | What happens in a counseling session? | After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-happens-in-a-counseling-session | Counseling Fundamentals | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Great question which I imagine many other people have as well.</p><p>The therapist will want to know your main source of life discomfort. In what areas are the problem interactions which you hope will disappear?</p><p>The therapist is trained to listen for your emotions to your story. </p><p>And to open these up to you in a kind and safe way so that you'll start to see your circumstance in a new light in which you feel more of your own authority to handle the troubling conditions.</p><p>The therapist and you will refine your thinking and theories. </p><p>The therapist will ask questions to help you prepare for any stumbling blocks along your way of creating your own new answers to the problem you brought to counseling.</p><p>I hope you'll enjoy learning and creating new thinking and interacting patterns!</p> | 0 |
58d18b6498741803743bf7df | How can I cope with work related stress better? | I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing.
What can I do to manage my stress? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better | Stress,Workplace Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Recognize your reason for continuing to work for this place.</p><p>Sometimes "overworked and underpaid" is tolerable bc of the valuable learning which the person will take with them when they've decided the time has come for these lessons to end.</p><p>Or, are you in this place bc it is an easy commute to your home or fits well with other parts of your life such as education or some health related program?</p><p>As long as you have a good reason to be there, you will feel there is good purpose.</p><p>If there is no good purpose and every day you wake up to work for a place you can't stand, then its time to look for a new position.</p> | 0 |
57a15afd188cd61c1684e85e | I want to feel more comfortable around people. | My son was diagnosed with autism a few years ago and I stopped working so that I could take care of him. I also was dealing with an abusive relationship (mentally, physically, and emotionally). Now I live like a recluse and I always feel nervous around people.
How can I feel more comfortable around other people? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-feel-more-comfortable-around-people | Parenting,Relationships,Anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Probably a good portion of living like a recluse was necessary so you had time to rest and recuperate from so much major adjustment in your life.</p><p>Have you told some of the people in your life about the many changes you've been through? It is possible people sense something different about you and aren't sure whether to ask or not ask questions.</p><p>Also, understand what type of qualities you'd like to offer and receive in a friendship. Given that raising a kid who has autism takes a lot of energy and time, the way you socialize will change.</p><p>Start with one person whom you're pretty sure would welcome you and whom you would gain by bringing them into your life.</p><p>As a result of how this interaction goes, how you decide to spend your time together, what you'll discuss, you will know more about yourself and what you require to feel good around other people.</p><p>Then, you can consider if you're ready to add others into your world.</p> | 0 |
58c61c8e98741803743bf6c9 | What are the skills needed by a counselor? | What are the basic skills a good counselor needs to have? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-are-the-skills-needed-by-a-counselor | Counseling Fundamentals | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>To be non-judgemental, know who they themselves are, be able to step forward and ask questions with ease and grace into painful emotional areas.</p><p>Also to respect human difference in accomplishing basic life tasks and everyday living. </p> | 0 |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>In my therapy practice the decision to end therapy is mutually made together with the patient.</p><p>Otherwise, the person can end up with a sense of tremendous rejection and abandonment.</p><p>The way you'll both know therapy is coming to a close is that the discussion will feel lighter and move easily.</p><p>The person's mood will be better, they will smile more, sit in their seat in a more relaxed way, look more at ease, take better care of their appearance.</p><p>One of the ways to end therapy is to gradually decrease the frequency of the sessions.</p><p>Sometimes people who are in my practice start to come each three weeks, then monthly, then every three months.</p><p>This gives a sense of security, friendliness, and casualness to the therapy, and de-medicalizes it as though the person was treated for a medical symptom and the symptom stops completely one day.</p><p>Talk therapy is about life and life problems usually end gradually.</p><p>I end my therapy in a way which mirrors the life process in which many interaction and situation problems show their effects gradually and show different effects over time.</p> | 0 |
58c61c9598741803743bf6cb | How does someone approach a counselor? | How does a person start the counseling process? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor | Counseling Fundamentals | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Phone or email a counselor whose profile you've read and which feels right for you.</p><p>Ask to get a feel as to the way the person would handle your problem and work with you.</p><p>In my practice I offer a phone consult which generally continues for twenty minutes.</p><p>I feel it is only fair that a prospective patient has a feel for the service they are about to purchase before they can be expected to pay money for a service which may not be to their liking at all.</p><p><br></p> | 0 |
57b5ede7f5cdb29c381b01f3 | I don't like going outside anymore. | I don't understand why this is happening. Why do I feel this way? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-like-going-outside-anymore | Anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>The first step to answer your question is to reflect on what is going on in your life overall. </p><p>If you're in the midst of severe stress, whether within your relationship or effort to establish a relationship, upheaval in family dynamics, some type of significant loss like a job or someone with whom you feel closely attached, then you may simply be creating the solitude which is necessary to better understand and absorb the meaning of these changes.</p><p>I assume you mean you are by yourself when you are indoors.</p><p>What you write sounds like you're not happy with this recent urge rather than that you and someone or others are having great and fun times together.</p><p>One way to encourage yourself to go back outdoors is to connect w a friend or search for an interest within you to develop.</p><p>This way with either of these, you'd feel a little bit of motivation to join and get more involved with either of these.</p><p><br></p> | 0 |
588861ae152ba8625f400559 | My family says I have depression. | I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks.
Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right.
Are they right, am I depressed? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-family-says-i-have-depression | Depression | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>The answer to the question of whether or not you're depressed, is less meaningful than what you are doing to feel strong and secure in your life.</p><p>Otherwise, people shortcut themselves to go deeper in understanding who they are and what they'd like to do with their lives, and accept "depression" as though it is their new name.</p><p>What you write sounds like classic depression.</p><p>What to do about this feeling is to get closer to yourself in an accepting way. </p><p>Assume that what you do in daily living is somehow necessary. Unless you are doing immoral or illegal actions to other people, to accept your own wishes as truth will open you to appreciate why you do what you do.</p><p>Make believe you're interesting and find out more about who you are, if you have trouble to start with thinking of yourself as worth understanding.</p><p>The more you appreciate who you are and your unique strengths, vulnerabilities and fears, the more these will dissolve by what seems on their own.</p><p>In fact they will disappear bc you are believing in yourself and your ways.</p><p>Good luck!</p> | 0 |
588861ae152ba8625f400559 | My family says I have depression. | I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks.
Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right.
Are they right, am I depressed? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-family-says-i-have-depression | Depression | Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc | <p>Hello. Being a teenager in our society today can cause depression quite easily. We look at the world in which we live, and the doubts we have about being able to make a contribution, or to have value and worth with the people around us, and we begin to internalize those messages of self-worth. If that alone were not enough, you are trying to figure out where you want to go in life, and who you are supposed to be in the world. Teens are faced with pressures of being judged by your peers for how you present yourself; following current fashions; possessing the trendy things; and hanging out with the "in crowd." Here's a "secret" that might help with most of those issues: Not much of those problems I've just described will really matter as they might seem to right now, in the real world. If you are feeling depression because you feel you lack some of those things that are seen as important by others (like your peers), I can assure you that being someone who is kind; compassionate; understanding of another person's suffering; and the effort you make to be the best person you can become in the world, will far outweigh anything you experienced in your teen years.</p><p>When we are young, we judge everything based on what our peers have, what they say, the way they dress, who's popular, who's not popular, and for the most of it, all of that is external. So the question becomes, are you trying to fix the feelings on the inside (the internal stuff), with the trappings of all the stuff on the outside (the internal)? That is to say, do you feel that if you had what your friends have, you would be happy and less depressed? Depression is usually a symptom of something much bigger, it is not typically a problem by itself (just as a person who experiences a high temperature may likely have a cold). So fixing the symptom requires looking at the possible causes. In your post, you mentioned that you live with your dad. Are your parents divorced or separated, or has your mom passed away? Either of these circumstances could certainly cause depression. Finding out when you started feeling depressed, might be able to pinpoint the trigger that caused it, which requires looking at when you last felt really happy. It is also important to keep in mind, that as a teenager, your emotions are often being experienced very randomly, and sometimes without cause. It is part of your emotional development, but as you grow older can learn how to manage those emotions better and practice doing things that help you feel better (without causing harm to yourself).</p><p>Have you tried talking to your dad about your feelings, or maybe another relative if you feel safer doing so? Do you have a friend who is your best friend...someone who is there for you no matter what? If not, there is a service you can use that is a national number for teens to talk with teen peer counselors. They are teens like yourself, but they have some insights that might be helpful. Its called Teen Line (https://teenlineonline.org/). It helped me when I was in my teens, and has helped lots of other teens as well. You might find a place to get some referrals to other local services in your area. If you want are in Washington state and would like to connect with me directly, you call link to me via my profile page. Or perhaps finding a counselor in your local area might be useful. Most towns and cities have some form of low cost counseling. You might also check with your school for assistance.</p><p>Don't be afraid of not always knowing how you are supposed to feel. Adults don't always have a handle on it either. Being a teenager carries a lot stress, fear, and uncertainty. But you are not alone, and there is help if you reach out for it. I wish for you the very best, and bright future. </p> | 0 |
5769f3bd008fce8e73e1ebfd | How do you know if someone is an alcoholic? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-you-know-if-someone-is-an-alcoholic | Addiction,Substance Abuse | 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider | https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider | <p><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: sans-serif;">Wikipedia states, </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcoholism">Alcoholism </a><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: sans-serif;">In a medical context, alcoholism is said to exist when two or more of the following conditions is present: a person drinks large amounts over a long time period, has difficulty cutting down, acquiring and drinking alcohol takes up a great deal of time, alcohol is strongly desired, usage results in not fulfilling responsibilities, usage results in social problems, usage results in health problems, usage results in risky situations, </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_withdrawal_syndrome" title="Alcohol withdrawal syndrome" style="color: rgb(11, 0, 128); background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: sans-serif;">withdrawal</a><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: sans-serif;"> occurs when stopping, and </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_tolerance" title="Alcohol tolerance" style="color: rgb(11, 0, 128); background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: sans-serif;">alcohol tolerance</a><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: sans-serif;"> has occurred with use. Hope that helps. </span><br></p> | 0 |
55d0261d6ae5f72373d44185 | Is there a lawsuit for counselors and therapists who failed to report a relapse? | I have a relative who is in his twenties. He was in a drug rehabilitation program and got kicked out for using drugs again. No one informed family that he was using drugs again. He subsequently overdosed and was found dead.
Is their accountability of counselors, therapists or the halfway house for not reporting that he had relapsed? Is there a legal case for failing to report? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-there-a-lawsuit-for-counselors-and-therapists-who-failed-to-report-a-relapse | Professional Ethics,Legal & Regulatory,Addiction | 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider | https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider | <p>I am so sorry for your loss. Generally therapists only have a duty to report self harm to ones self or others if it is expressed to them. Often times they will not report relapses due to the fact that proper releases were not signed or patient has specifically asked them not to for fear of shaming or failure again. I understand this may not be the answer you were hoping for. I would encourage the family to seek therapy themselves for help coping with such a loss. </p><p><br></p> | 0 |
56b30469c2bfe0f729d6e74e | My husband was lying about drinking again. | My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back (3 years ago), I asked him to stop drinking so much, and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied, but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted the beers in the fridge and four of them were missing. He admitted and apologized and promised he wouldn't do it again. Lately, my husband has been drinking on and off, but I noticed it was every single night. I didn't like this. For our New Year’s resolution, we decided we were going to limit our alcohol consumption. He was on board—no more drinking every night.
The other night, I counted the beers in the fridge just to see if some were missing. It took a couple of days, but tonight, I discovered a few were missing along with a shot of vodka. He was passed out on the couch when I decided to wake him up and confront him (poor timing, but I couldn't wait). I asked him if he'd come to bed with me (when he drinks, he snores and I cannot sleep—it's a dead giveaway he's been drinking). He slurred a bit and said no. I asked if he had been drinking, but he snapped and said no. I went into our room to sleep, leaving him on the couch.
I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. I just feel like I'm so honest with him about everything, and I expect the same honesty. He is a good husband in every other regard. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-was-lying-about-drinking-again | Addiction,Marriage,Intimacy | 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider | https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider | <p>It can be very frustrating being lied to. The one thing that struck me was the sentence he had a alcohol addiction "in the past." Addiction is not something that comes and goes. Once you have addict tendencies they are here to stay. You may be able to fight them off for awhile but the will enviably rear their ugly head again. Some of the things that we would suggest is taking the access away. If the alcohol is not conveniently in the house he would have to go seek it out elsewhere. You can think about it in other terms. If chocolate cake was your favorite food and you were a diabetic, you would not have chocolate cake lying around all the time because you know you would eventually eat it. Remember there are no temporary addicts.</p> | 0 |
5670b5124c6f6bda188fb893 | How can I stop abusing alcohol? | I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-stop-abusing-alcohol | Addiction,Substance Abuse | 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider | https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider | <p>You are not hopeless, as you can see there are many people who care about your well being and believe you can overcome this. I would suggest that you first get evaluated for your alcohol consumption. Alcohol is one of the addictions that you may need to seek inpatient treatment for. If not inpatient then be monitored by a doctor. Once you are evaluated and or complete inpatient treatment I would suggest you participate in a form of outpatient therapy on a consistent basis. </p> | 0 |
567052715b1e34166b9af6a6 | How do I see a therapist without having healthcare? | I need to speak to someone about sexual addiction and binge eating immediately. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-see-a-therapist-without-having-healthcare | Eating Disorders,Human Sexuality,Addiction | 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider | https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider | <p>There are plenty of online providers within the mental health field that would me more than happy to speak with you immediately. Many of them provide treatment on a sliding scale fee. I would google online mental health treatment providers and that should lead you to a list of providers that can help you. </p> | 0 |
559399cd072cf5401c482525 | What can I do to help my dad stop drinking? | Or how to send him somewhere that can help him, something like The Baker Act. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-to-help-my-dad-stop-drinking | Substance Abuse,Addiction | 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider | https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider | <p>Your dad needs to be aware that he has a problem and be willing to make some changes in order for him to be motivated to stop. Often times individuals will be forced to stop when they were not ready. Remember we can not ever make someone do something they do not want to do. There needs to be at least a little willingness on the other party to make some changes. I would encourage you to reach out to your family or other loved ones and have a conversation with your dad regarding your concerns. </p> | 0 |
5566f94fa64752d71ec3ca64 | I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop? | I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental.
I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-addicted-to-smoking-how-can-i-stop | Substance Abuse,Addiction | 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider | https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider | <p>It can be challenging to quite anything once we set our mind to it. We often crave the things more that we know we can not or should not have. With that being said I would encourage you to become aware of the chemical dependency part that cigarettes have on your brain and your body. Then make yourself aware of the mental part the habit part. Often times people will engage in smoking again just from the mere social aspect of it. Make yourself aware of these and devise a plan of the things you will do instead of going out on smoke breaks, or the ritual of smoking in the car on on the back porch. There are plenty of support groups out there to help with this as well. Smoking cessation is a good resource. </p> | 0 |
57a15afd188cd61c1684e85e | I want to feel more comfortable around people. | My son was diagnosed with autism a few years ago and I stopped working so that I could take care of him. I also was dealing with an abusive relationship (mentally, physically, and emotionally). Now I live like a recluse and I always feel nervous around people.
How can I feel more comfortable around other people? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-feel-more-comfortable-around-people | Parenting,Relationships,Anxiety | 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider | https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider | <p>I would look at getting engaged with a support network of individuals who may also have autistic children. They will understand some of the things that you are experiencing at home and you may also find someone who feels that same way as you. If you have not sought professional counseling for the abusive relationship I would seek out a therapist who can help you process through it so you do not repeat similar choices in your next relationship. </p> | 0 |
58c61c9298741803743bf6ca | What happens in a counseling session? | After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-happens-in-a-counseling-session | Counseling Fundamentals | 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider | https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider | <p>A good therapist will discuss what brought you to therapy in the first place and devise a therapy plan with you on some of the things that you may want to work on. The plan is not set in stone as things may arise during your therapy sessions. You also agree on how often and when you would like to meet. </p> | 0 |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Dr. Bonnie Howell | https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-bonnie-howell | <p>In the best case scenario, it's a mutual discussion and decision. If not, I've had the discussion initiated both ways, by me, when I sense the client has gone has far as they want, by lack of interest in accepting or completing homework assignments, missing or cancelling appointments, usually at the last minute, lack of participation during sessions. Client initiates by asking me pointed questions about why the need for homework assignments,, by forgetting their calendar, or their checkbook :) , by suggesting that we make appointments over longer intervals (once a week to once a month, for example). I rarely have had to terminate a working relationship--that's why I don't charge for the first visit, so we know if we are a good fit before we start working together. Then I periodically ask whether the client feels we are making progress, moving in the right direction, talking about the most relevant issues etc.</p> | 0 |
58432aa8950e2507cf23dc87 | How does counseling help people? | Does counseling really do anything that can help people? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-help-people | Counseling Fundamentals | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 7.5pt; line-height: 19.5pt; background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Experts have defined counseling as a healing relationship that helps patients by providing a space to vent, process and receive unconditional support. Many of my clients have expressed that they are able to find their own answers during the session, because they have the right person listening to them. Some thought they were safe sharing their concerns with friends or relatives who are good listeners, but later they felt ashamed or guilty about what they shared. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 7.5pt; line-height: 19.5pt; background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">So why people should share private issues with a Counselor (a stranger)? Confidentiality is the key word. A good counseling relationship should provide a space where people are able to share their deepest thoughts and feelings, allowing themselves to be vulnerable and explore those emotions that are difficult to share without implications. Beyond the ability to provide a safe place, counselors are trained to identify symptoms and behavioral patterns, and can provide insight on how develop coping mechanisms to improve their life.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 7.5pt; line-height: 19.5pt; background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I am a License Professional Counselor working </span>on<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> a private practice in Puerto Rico: Latitude Counseling, and also I’m licensed in Texas, where I provide </span>theletherapy<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> services. If you would like to learn more about the services available, you may call 787-466-5478 or visit </span><a href="http://www.latitudecounseling.com" style="font-size: 12pt; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">www.latitudecounseling.com</a></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 7.5pt; line-height: 19.5pt; background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial;"><span style="font-size: 15pt;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 7.5pt; line-height: 19.5pt; background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial;"><span style="font-size: 15pt;">¿Cómo la consejería ayuda</span><span style="font-size: 15pt;"> a las personas?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 7.5pt; line-height: 19.5pt; background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial;"><span style="font-size: 15pt;">¿Realmente la consejería hace algo para ayudar a otros?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 7.5pt; line-height: 19.5pt; background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Expertos definen la consejería como una relación sanadora que ayuda a los pacientes proveyéndoles un espacio para ventilar, procesar y recibir apoyo incondicional. Algunos de mis clientes han expresado que son capaces de encontrar las respuestas a sus problemas durante la sesión de consejería, porque tiene a la persona indicada escuchándolos. Otros cuentan que se sentian seguros compartiendo sus preocupaciones con su familia o amigos, pero esas preocupaciones afectaron sus relaciones negativamente, o los dejaron con sentimientos de culpa.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 7.5pt; line-height: 19.5pt; background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> Así que, ¿Por qué deben las personas compartir asuntos privados con consejero, (un extraño)? Confidencialidad es la clave. Una buena relación de consejería debe proveer un espacio donde las personas puedan compartir sus más íntimos pensamientos y sentimientos, permitiéndoles ser vulnerables y explorar esas emociones que son difíciles de compartir sin consecuencias. Mas allá de proveer un espacio seguro, lo consejeros profesionales estamos entrenados para identificar síntomas, patrones de conducta, y proveer perspectiva en cómo desarrollar los mecanismos de defensa necesarios para mejorar la calidad de vida.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 7.5pt; line-height: 19.5pt; background-image: initial; background-position: initial; background-size: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Soy Consejera Profesional Licenciada en Puerto Rico, donde practico a través de Latitdue Counseling, también estoy licenciada en Texas, donde proveo servicios de teleterapia. Para más información llame al 787-466-5478 o visite www.latitudecounseling.com</span></p> | 0 |
570924685e87cfae7322e9b4 | How long do I wait on my ex-fiancé to choose me over his ex-girlfriend? | My ex-fiancé (whom I am still seeing) left me because of the pressure from all three of his teenage daughters. They wanted him to try to work it out with their mom (his ex-girlfriend of 20 years). He and I split three months ago, but I have been seeing him pretty regularly despite the fact that he is living back with his ex-girlfriend and kids. He is "co-existing" for the kids and fighting all the time with his ex-girlfriend. His daughters don’t want their dad with me because my two boys (grown adults and on their own now) had bad reputations and issues with drugs. His daughters say it is embarrassing for him to be with me. He and I had an absolutely amazing relationship and connect on so many levels. He is getting a lot of pressure from his family and his longtime friends to "do the right thing" and stay with his ex-girlfriend for the kids. He says he wants me to wait. We were going get married last year. He bought me a $1000 dress, we had invitations made, and everything set up, but then his girls told him they'd never speak to him again if he married me. He says he’s trying to mend his relationship with them. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-long-do-i-wait-on-my-ex-fianc-to-choose-me-over-his-ex-girlfriend | Family Conflict,Relationships,Relationship Dissolution | Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc | <p>Hello. It seems you are in a set of circumstances that are highly uncomfortable for you. Do you feel those circumstances are healthy? Do you find pleasure being in such a place of uncertainty? Why do you continue to be in this situation? Without meaning to appear that I might be lacking in compassion, you do have the option to leave the connection completely if the harm it is doing is more that the pleasure it brings you. Is there a benefit to being in this relationship? Do you consider this situation to be for your highest good? Is it healthy to be involved in something that is not likely healthy or perhaps could even be seen as dysfunctional? In truth, only you can decide the answers to these very important questions. I would encourage you to think of who benefits by being in this situation, and how you might be able to find happiness in other relationships that are healthier and more positive. In my clinical view based on what I read, this particular relationship does not carry the joy I am sure you want, nor the healthy interactions you would expect in a functional romantic engagement with another person.</p><p>Beating yourself up about potentially wasting all this time waiting for the other person to come around will not serve a positive purpose. It likely will only lower your self-esteem. There is a time to wait to see how things develop, and a time to move on to other experiences. You are the one to make that choice, but I would encourage you to connect with your inner higher self, for the most clear answer. Chances are, you already know the answer, you just need to embrace it. Getting in touch with a counselor in your area can also help ferret out some of the deeper issues that you might not have felt comfortable expressing here.</p> | 0 |
5796b2c5bc069dff6a5339ce | Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-person-to-stop-feeling-emotions | Trauma | Kathy Hicks | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kathy-hicks | <p>You are describing a very legitimate reaction to trauma. Rape is an aweful experience and I am very sorry that happened to you. When horrible things happen, people often react in a way that interferes with the ability to live a normal life and function the way they did in the past. This is very common and the goal is to help you manage the stress caused by dealing with negative events and with help you can regain emotional well-being. This is especially important if you have had more than one negative thing happen. Oftentimes, the unconscious reaction is to become numb and avoid all feelings, especially if more than one negative event occurred. </p><p>A big part of what causes people trouble are feelings of guilt. We often blame ourselves when bad things happen. It is actually difficult to comprehend the concept that we don't always have control of what happens in life. In addition, when you mentioned feeling like a sociopath, it sounded like you feel like your reaction is wrong. The first thing you can do is realize that your feelings and reactions are o.k., you aren't doing anything wrong, and nothing is wrong with you. </p><p>The next step is to start dealing with the impact of these traumatic experiences. Identifying your feelings, and knowing the thoughts and beliefs that are behind those emotions can help you regain your sense of happiness. </p><p>Research shows that understanding and expressing those thoughts and feelings can help. If doesn't sound like you need to do anything to change yourself, but talking to a counselor can be helpful in managing your reaction to a incredibly traumatic experience. </p><p>I hope this helps you understand your feelings and can get to a place where you enjoy life. </p><p><br></p><p><span style="color: rgb(38, 38, 38); font-family: Overlock; font-size: 20px; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2; background-color: rgb(229, 239, 241);"><br></span></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 |
579eb688188cd61c1684e83c | My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do. | I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone.
My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-mother-is-trying-to-control-my-life-and-i-don-t-know-what-to-do | Family Conflict,Parenting | Kathy Hicks | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kathy-hicks | <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">That is a really tough situation that a lot of young people are experiencing right now. The first thing to under is that you can’t change who your parents are and cannot change their behavior. The thing to keep in mind is that you can control your responses and actions. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">You may need to keep living at home with them for the next few months or years and the best way to do this is to have a plan. The second thing is to keep in mind that their controlling behavior is most likely not about based your behavior. Controlling parents are often driven by their concept of what will keep their children safe and happy. Unfortunately this is not always accurate but keep in mind it is not a personal attack. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap; background-color: transparent;">There are ways you can deal with controlling parents – and most of them require creating a plan of action.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Examples of action plans:</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Decide in advance how you’ll calmly and rationally respond to your parents when you feel they’re trying to control you</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Arrange to phone a friend or trusted adult when you feel like you’re losing control</span></p><p><span id="docs-internal-guid-bfee32e6-1c9d-989d-0425-22e0a33c51f0"></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Talk in person to an adult you trust. There aren’t any quick tips on how to deal with parents who want to control you; you need to find strategies that are geared to your specific family situation. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Get specific coping tips from books about family dynamics, such as:</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-size:11pt;font-family:Calibri;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Cutting Loose: An Adult's Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents by Howard Halpern</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.3800000000000001;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.666666984558105px; white-space: pre-wrap;">A counselor can be a good resource and provide support and guidance about issues addressing normal growth and development during periods of transition. </span></p> | 0 |
5566f94fa64752d71ec3ca64 | I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop? | I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental.
I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-addicted-to-smoking-how-can-i-stop | Substance Abuse,Addiction | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Quitting smoking can be difficult. It's also true that there is part that is sometimes a physical need and a part that is often connected to emotions in some way. From the way that you wrote this, it sounds like you may have been able to stop smoking physically, but still have cravings.</p><p>One thing you can do is talk with your primary care physician or OB/GYN about whether there is anything that you can take to help with the cravings. Sometimes that can very helpful.</p><p>As far as the more emotional or mental piece, these things come to mind:</p><ul><li>Sometimes a crucial part is looking at the habit of smoking and seeing what else you can do to keep your mind and hands busy. There are sometimes toys, like those available at Office Playground, that may help to keep you physically occupied.</li><li>There can also be changes or additions to your routine because I imagine that smoking took up a great deal of your time. Maybe when you have the temptation to get up and go to have a cigarette, you could have several other things that you can get up and do instead. The list is endless, but a few examples could be doing some physical exercise (with the permission of your doctor) just for a couple minutes because that could help with the craving as well, completing a puzzle, learning a new activity that requires using your hands (painting or knitting, perhaps).</li><li>Another piece of quitting smoking is often linked to anxiety or other emotional changes, perhaps irritability. Depending on what it is that you may be feeling, learning other strategies to use can be helpful as well.</li><li>This can all be quite overwhelming and a very big life change. I would recommend that if things do not become easier for you, consider talking with a therapist. Then you could not only have some more strategies or ideas directly related to you, but you could have very direct support for what you are trying to do.</li></ul><p>I give you a lot of credit!</p> | 0 |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Toni Genovese | https://counselchat.com/therapists/toni-genovese | <p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:7.5pt;margin-left:0in"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Goodbyes can be hard.
Chances are most of the goodbyes you have experienced in your life have been
difficult. Saying goodbye to a therapist can be different. It can be an
opportunity to create a healthy ending in a positive relationship in your life.
If you work with a therapist who is skilled, then saying goodbye can be just as
transformative as the therapy itself. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:7.5pt;margin-left:0in"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Ending therapy is also known
as “termination.” I know, “termination” doesn’t have a great ring to it!
However, it is what it is. It is an ending of the relationship as it existed.
It is reality cold and stark. Of course, when I talk to clients I don’t use the
word “termination,” I usually say “our goodbye.” Under what circumstances does therapy usually
end? Therapy should end when a client does not need further assistance, is not
receiving any benefit from therapy, or might be harmed by continuing to work
with a particular therapist.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:7.5pt;margin-left:0in"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">In the best case scenario
the decision to move on from therapy and “say our goodbyes” happens when both
the therapist and the client feel like the client is ready to move on and move
up! Ending the therapeutic relationship
should actually be worked on from the very first session. What I mean by that
is, there should be an understanding that the work we do together will have an
ending and that is a good thing because it means the client has gained the
skills to continue working on themselves independently. So the first session I
have with clients usually outlines a plan where the end goal is discussed and
we both have an understanding of the skills the client wants to learn or what
they hope to achieve. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:7.5pt;margin-left:0in"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Now sometimes there are
situations where the therapist ends the relationship and the client may take
that personally, it is hard when any relationship ends and it might bring up
feelings of sadness, and fear or abandonment. Any good therapist will end the
relationship based on what is right for the client. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:7.5pt;margin-left:0in"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">What are some situations
where a therapist might end the relationship?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:7.5pt;margin-left:0in"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">If the situation the client
is dealing with is out of the therapist's scope of practice, the therapist may
end the relationship and refer the client to someone else. This is in the
client’s best interest. Another reason a therapist might end the relationship
is that the therapist is in a place in her life which prevents her from being
objective and helpful. A therapist who
is going through a painful divorce may have difficulty working with a couple
that considering divorce. A good therapist may see that their judgement may be
clouded and want to refer the client to see someone else. This is good practice
and helps the client.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:7.5pt;margin-left:0in"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">If a client is actively
suicidal or actively using substances then the therapist may end the
relationship and refer out for a higher level of care. The client may need to
be hospitalized or may need an inpatient substance abuse treatment program.
Therapy may be terminated while they are being treated and may continue after
the intensive program is completed. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p>
</p><p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:7.5pt;margin-left:0in"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Ending therapy should be a
time for connection and bringing together accomplishments, or reviewing the
next important step the client needs to take. It should not be an experience of
abandonment. A skilled therapist will help a client gain a new perspective on
closure. For some clients, it may be the one time in their lives when they get
a clean ending in a healthy relationship and they get to feel a sense of
control on creating that ending. </span></p><p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:7.5pt;margin-left:0in"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Good luck to you!<o:p></o:p></span></p> | 0 |
5566f94fa64752d71ec3ca64 | I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop? | I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental.
I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-addicted-to-smoking-how-can-i-stop | Substance Abuse,Addiction | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>It is very good news that you realize the risks of smoking cigarettes while pregnant and are willing to stop.</p><p>Thinking about smoking is a typical and frequent reaction to being without the substance.</p><p>Be creative with what you know about yourself to distract you when this psychological urge comes up. </p><p>My suggestions are to imagine smoking if you find this would relieve the sense of wanting to smoke.</p><p>Or, do the opposite and remind yourself of all the good reasons to not smoke.</p><p>Also, since you're planning pregnancy then ask your partner for ideas on how to make the psychological feeling to want to smoke, feel less intense.</p><p>Another suggestion is that your partner is your texting buddy to stop smoking. With AA groups, a sponsor is always available for the alcoholic who feels distress about the urge to drink. </p><p>Having a trusted and caring person to tell about your problem helps in many situations. Maybe it will help you to stop smoking.</p><p><br></p><p>Good luck!</p> | 0 |
57a1ab67188cd61c1684e866 | How do I stop sneaking away from home at night? | I'm a teenager and I've been sneaking out of my house at night for a year now. I've been caught several times. I want to stop doing this but I don't know where to start. How do I stop? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-sneaking-away-from-home-at-night | Children & Adolescents,Behavioral Change | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Where do you go and what is your reason to go wherever this is?</p><p>Try to understand these reasons because the answers may give you good guidance as to other ways to get what it is your trying to reach by sneaking from your home at night.</p><p>If for example, you're sneaking out because your parents are arguing and you feel hurt by this and want to escape hearing their arguments, then you can come up with other ways to hear less of their arguments.</p><p>If you sneak out bc your parents restrict your friends or time to socialize with your friends, and your friends are doing legal and safe behaviors, then maybe you could do some socializing online w them.</p><p>Also, I wonder the reason why either of your parents isn't aware that you leave the house. Do you feel your parent would offer and would you ask your parent to give their suggestions so you feel more motivated to stay home?</p> | 0 |
57a17b19188cd61c1684e860 | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it.
What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-stop-these-thoughts | Diagnosis | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Those critical thoughts most likely came into your mind as the way you understood what one of your parents or some other adult who was very meaningful to you, at a very young age.</p><p>When we are too young to distinguish whether what a grown person tells us, feels accurate, we absorb their opinions as our own.</p><p>Your question shows you've reached the point of emotional maturity to know that your opinion about yourself is not the same as what is inside your emotional brain and stored there since you were too young to know that someone else's opinions are not necessarily your opinions.</p><p>Nothing is wrong with you, everything is right with you to wonder how to more firmly establish your own point of view.</p><p>Start the habit to revise any viewpoints about yourself which don't feel true.</p><p>Then replace these thoughts with better ones which you decide on your own.</p><p>After a while of doing this you'll either automatically think the more positive thoughts about yourself or at least be in the habit to know that negative viewpoints about you are not necessarily true.</p> | 0 |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Catherine Hodge | https://counselchat.com/therapists/catherine-hodge | <p>Counseling ends when the client has received the maximum benefit from the therapist. Even if the therapist believes the client is not making progress, the client may feel they are improving and receiving a benefit. And the therapist may see a benefit and the client does not. It is best to have ongoing dialogue with the client to determine when termination is appropriate.</p> | 0 |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Jill Barnett Kaufman | https://counselchat.com/therapists/jill-barnett-kaufman | <p>There are several reasons for a counselor to decide to end counseling. A major reason to end counseling is if the counselor feels that he or she does not have the skills or experience to work with the client. This may happen during the intake process or after working with the client for some time. If the clinician feels that the client is not benefitting from the therapy, it is ethical to suggest that the client terminate the therapy. The process of termination must not injure the client and, if necessary, the clinician may need to refer the client to other treatment modalities. Another reason to terminate working with a client is if the client needs a higher level of care. If the client has a crisis or is at risk of hurting himself or someone else, he or she may need a higher level of care. In this circumstance, the clinician may need to involve outside services such as a crisis unit. A third reason to terminate with a client is if the clinician feels that he or she cannot remain professional with the client relationship. For example, if the issues that the client is working on bring up something significant for the clinician and the clinician feels that he is unable to separate that from the professional relationship. In this instance, the clinician should refer the client to another therapist. Finally, if the client has reached her goals for therapy and no longer needs treatment, the clinician and client should terminate treatment.</p> | 0 |
5897188a152ba8625f4005df | Are some clients more difficult than others? | What are some difficulties that a counselor can encounter when dealing with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/are-some-clients-more-difficult-than-others | Counseling Fundamentals | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Each counselor will have their own list of "difficulties" in doing therapy work with a client. Even if clinically trained similarly, since counselors are human then their response to your question will reflect their unique differences as humans.</p><p>On my list is when the emotional pain I feel for someone describing some type of injustice or unfair treatment by another, feels very deep.</p><p>Sometimes I feel like avoiding the pain I feel by asking questions which will steer the conversation away from the painful areas the client talks about.</p><p>What in fact is necessary to clear out their pain, is to step further into so as to realize their emotional pain isn't greater than who they are.</p> | 0 |
58432aa8950e2507cf23dc87 | How does counseling help people? | Does counseling really do anything that can help people? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-help-people | Counseling Fundamentals | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Yes, counseling can help people.</p><p>How this happens is bc the counselor can guide the person or couple into deeper areas of their thoughts and emotions than the person or partners would typically avoid or not even realize they are avoiding.</p><p>Also, a counseling session offers emotional safety because the therapist will intervene with thoughtful questions if someone's strong emotions overwhelm them.</p><p>This is different than in everyday circumstances. When someone feels overwhelmed by their own or someone else's feelings, there is no one who asks reflective questions.</p><p>Last, people get better in therapy because often therapy is the first time the person has a chance to trust someone with their confidential information and know this information will always be protected.</p> | 0 |
5566f94fa64752d71ec3ca64 | I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop? | I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental.
I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-addicted-to-smoking-how-can-i-stop | Substance Abuse,Addiction | Richie (Yerachmiel) Donowitz | https://counselchat.com/therapists/richie-yerachmiel-donowitz | <p>Hopefully you feel you have the time to follow this procedure.</p><p>1. For a week - log when you smoke - time, place and activity</p><p>2. Plan on cutting back 10% for a week.Cut out the easiest times.</p><p>3.Next change the times and and activities for 3 days - consider water or candy or gum if it is very tough. </p><p>4. Cut another 10% each week until you are done. </p> | 0 |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Chris McDonald | https://counselchat.com/therapists/chris-mcdonald | <p>I will work with clients and continually review progress with them and determine if counseling is helping. If a client appears to have less to talk about in sessions, appears more stable for a period of time and has reached therapeutic goals I will talk about termination. Some clients however I may continue with on a monthly or bi monthly process to allow for check-ins to see how they are doing and if they need more help at that time.<br></p> | 0 |
579eb688188cd61c1684e83c | My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do. | I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone.
My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-mother-is-trying-to-control-my-life-and-i-don-t-know-what-to-do | Family Conflict,Parenting | Dr. Theresa Moore | https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-theresa-moore | <div>Hello. </div><div>It sounds like you and your parents are not balanced in your communication and awareness of expectations. Your growth is not only reflected in your ability to understand and apply new knowledge and skills, it is also reflective of your parents acceptance of your understanding and application. </div><div><br></div><div>Have you tried talking with your parents to let them know your concerns?</div><div>This talking is best when face to face and during non active conflict ( can't begin stating rules during an argument, etc). Sometimes it is even helpful to write down ways you feel you can be supported by them and supportive to them. Maybe share this list or reflective piece with them to review, or use when communicating the expectations. </div><div>Unfortunately, until there are clear expectations stated and expressed, the scale will be uneven and frustrations will increase. </div><div>Dr. T<br></div> | 0 |
58c61c9298741803743bf6ca | What happens in a counseling session? | After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-happens-in-a-counseling-session | Counseling Fundamentals | David Routt | https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-routt | <p>After meeting a client, many Counselors will ask you lots of questions in order to complete a thorough assessment of what you came to counseling for. This assessment is required by most insurances and allows the Counselor to give a diagnosis, which is also required by most insurances in order for them to pay the Counselor. If you are paying out of pocket, this diagnosis is not really required for payment, but many Counselors will still perform a comprehensive assessment because we really want to know what the issues are that brought you to us. The better we understand what it is that bothers you, what you would like to get out of the counseling, and all the various things that tend to affect people such as family upbringing and medical issues, the easier it is for us to help you reach those goals. How the counseling actually plays out from there depends a lot on the theory that the Counselor uses to direct their approach to counseling, and that information is too much for this little post.</p> | 0 |
57799c9772f4321a37b64221 | Is it normal to cry during therapy? | I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-cry-during-therapy | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Lynn Owens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lynn-owens | <p>Many people cry during their therapy sessions. Actually most people cry in their therapist's office. I tell my clients that it's safe to cry in my office and crying isn't a sign of weakness. It's a normal human response to pain. People actually do more harm to themselves by trying not to cry than by crying. Crying is very cleansing and an important part of the healing process for many people.<br></p> | 0 |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Cory Ian Shafer LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc | <p>In general, I usually let the client decide when this should occur, sometimes with some clients it will be a joint agreement, but even in that case it should weigh mostly on what the client feels. In short, therapy ends when you feel your done.</p><p>C<br></p> | 0 |
577b9eea7fe85f1465e1ffff | How do I deal with bullying at school? | I've been bullied for years and the teachers have done nothing about it. I haven't been diagnosed with depression, but i have been extremely sad for years.
How can I deal with being bullied at school when the teachers won't help? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-bullying-at-school | Children & Adolescents | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>To be bullied is very painful.</p><p>I'm glad you know the bullies are doing the wrong thing and whatever they are telling you is pure meanness.</p><p>Depending on how independent you feel, why not tell either your classroom teacher or schedule an appointment with the vice principal?</p><p>Bullying other students is taken very seriously in some states and schools are expected to address the bullying until the victimized student feels safe.</p><p>If you hesitate to do this on your own, then would you ask either of your parents or even a friend of yours who is also in the school, to report the problem?</p><p>In case you are afraid the bullies will retaliate for reporting them, then tell this to whatever school authority you decide to ask for help.</p><p>You're entitled to be protected by your school.</p> | 0 |
58a34681152ba8625f4005fd | How can I be less stressed? | I need help knowing how to deal with stress. What can I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-stressed-3 | Stress | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Something different works for each of us.</p><p>There are the outward answers of self-pampering and making your home and work environment as pleasant as possible.</p><p>A deeper level way to decrease stress is through exercise or alternative practices like yoga or tai chi.</p><p>If the stress is more deeply rooted than temporarily feeling irritated for a few days, then give yourself some time to reflect and clarify what the meaning of the stress is to you.</p><p>Self-understanding and appreciating your efforts to know yourself may decrease stress because you'll be more focused and attentive to who you are. This will influence you overall to make good decisions for yourself and these will naturally be ones which decrease stress as much as possible.</p> | 0 |
579da45c188cd61c1684e82e | How can I help myself and change my behavior? | I've hit my head on walls and floors ever since I was young. I sometimes still do it but I don't exactly know why,
I have anxiety and I had a rough childhood but now I'll start to hit my head and sometimes not realize it but I don't know how to stop or even why I'm doing it.
How can I help myself to change my behavior? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-myself-and-change-my-behavior | Behavioral Change,Anxiety | Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc | <p>Hello. I have to wonder from a behavioral perspective if what you are doing is useful for you. In other words, does it serve a purpose in some way when you find yourself doing it. Yes, this could well be an expression of anxiety, or maybe some type of coping skill you have developed over the years to deal with stressful situations. Yet it sounds like you have developed a sort of knee-jerk behavioral conditioning that causes you to do this behavior during specific (or perhaps even non-specific) circumstances. Do you think it is a self-soothing behavior? Do you feel good after you have done it? The behavior itself is likely causing some form of slow physical damage, so I would recommend you have yourself checked by a doctor, to rule out any injury. If none exists, this obviously doesn't excuse the behavior, it just says that for the moment luck is on your side.</p><p>When we do any behavior of any kind, it is good to ask if what we are doing has merit or value. Is the behavior helping us to solve our problem, or is it merely creating yet another problem by doing the behavior in the first place. In the same way that a person might drink excessively because they are stressed and need to cope with some unresolved issue, when they are done drinking the original problem will still likely be there, but now they are intoxicated. No closer to solving the issue. When we deal with things like anxiety or depression, we need to do things that work on dealing with the symptoms, but also get to the root issue that created those feelings and find effective solutions. So the things we do to cope with life events need to not be ones that cause us harm, but rather support us as we move forward and work to deal with what life throws at us.</p><p>Sometimes seeking support from a friend or a counselor is a good idea. Being given the opportunity to express your feelings about what is going on around you and getting feedback and insight from others is much more effective than actions of self-harm, wouldn't you agree? So I would encourage you to find a counselor or a trusted friend who can help you find positive behaviors you can take to deal with your feelings, as you also work to find the answers to the day to day issues of living a life filled with promise and opportunity.</p><p>Reach out if you need help...there will likely be a hand there waiting for you.</p> | 0 |
5850880c950e2507cf23dd3e | How can I best fight the winter blues? | Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-best-fight-the-winter-blues | Depression | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>One theory is that instead of "fighting" your feelings, accept your sad feelings and work with them. Feeling sad may open many doors to reflect and make peace with the source of your sadness.</p><p>Also, I believe fighting against the natural cycle of rest and hibernation may not even be possible to succeed. Winter for most creatures is a time of withdrawal and slowdown. Our bodies and moods are part of nature as well. Fighting what is part of nature seems like a tiring fight which the person will lose.</p><p>Last point, there are the winter holidays to break up the dark and cold of winter. Maybe you can invent some of your own winter celebrations so you'll have a few gatherings to look forward to hosting.</p> | 0 |
55723117a03de6c365f45c1a | How can I get people to listen? | I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-people-to-listen | Anxiety,Family Conflict,Depression,Stress,Social Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Life sounds extremely frustrating for you right now.</p><p>As long as you've reached your conclusion that your parents do not take you seriously when you would like to speak with them on a serious topic, and that you feel unable to trust either of them, then work with your own information.</p><p>Many people don't know how to listen and aren't trustworthy. As painful and aggravating as having parents who fit this description, you're better off to honor what you realize than to continue fighting what is not in your hands to change.</p><p>Since you write about having a similar problem with friends, then maybe this comes about because you pick friends who are similarly unsatisfying to be with as are your parents.</p><p>The first step out of this dilemma would be to accept how crummy you feel about the way your parents are toward you.</p><p>If you're able to live with the sadness and resentment of having parents who don't want to know how to understand you, then you'll start to develop a new and more satisfying definition of what you expect from the behaviors of your friends.</p><p>Trust yourself that what you feel and see is accurate, then it becomes easier to trust and welcome new people who are formatted differently than either your parents or your friends who sound very similar to your parents' ways.</p> | 0 |
585599b3950e2507cf23dd9a | Can I sign my brother into a mental health facility? | My brother has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and has not been taking his medication. He's been using methamphetamine and alcohol and was found sleeping naked in my step mom driveway in 12 degree weather.
I was adopted in by his dad (who just passed) and his mother will not Get involved because she's afraid of financial responsibility.
Do I have the rights to be able to sign my brother into mentalhealth facility? | https://counselchat.com/questions/can-i-sign-my-brother-into-a-mental-health-facility | Family Conflict,Legal & Regulatory,Substance Abuse | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>The answer depends on what State you live.</p><p>Since the description you write here is that your brother may be a serious risk to himself and others, it is worth contacting a mental health hotline or one of your local area hospitals and talk to a social worker or other professional level person in their psychiatry department. </p><p>Ask the same question you posted here. Your question is a good one and merits serious follow through.</p> | 0 |
56e60f1a02b3f7e43463d3f2 | Is this depression? | I feel like I am internally screaming all the time. Externally, I am calm, but I have this intense, unidentifiable emotion constantly. I don't feel sad. I don't cry a lot. I feel rather emotionally distant other than the internal screaming. It kind of feels like I'm a caged animal. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-this-depression | Depression | Jenifer Finkelstein | https://counselchat.com/therapists/jenifer-finkelstein | <p>It sounds like you are trying to find a label to help you to understand why you are feeling the way you are feeling. Sometimes there are no labels for how we feel. Sometimes there is no name for the emotions that we are experiencing. Regardless, you do not have to continue to feel this way, no matter what you call it. If you are seeking to experience an internal calmness such as your external calmness, you may want to try some mindfulness practices or meditation. However, being able to get at the root cause of what you are feeling may be what you need to help you release this feeling for the long term. I recommend seeking support for this to allow this internal screaming to get some air and begin to breathe. </p> | 0 |
58c61c9598741803743bf6cb | How does someone approach a counselor? | How does a person start the counseling process? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor | Counseling Fundamentals | Jason Davis | https://counselchat.com/therapists/jason-davis | <p>The first thing to do is to reflect on what you want to seek counseling. Search online and then set up a phone consultation. A person can find out a lot about a counselor and the services that they offer over the phone. After a consultation then set up an intake questions. The overall goal is to make sure that you are comfortable with the counselor and the services they can offer.</p> | 0 |
57a17b19188cd61c1684e860 | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it.
What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-stop-these-thoughts | Diagnosis | Jenifer Finkelstein | https://counselchat.com/therapists/jenifer-finkelstein | <p>First off, there is nothing wrong with you. In fact, having random thoughts we feel we cannot control is actually quite common and normal. </p><p>Sometimes our thoughts think they are protecting us (if we think we aren't worth anything, it won't hurt when we get rejected) but they are actually doing quite the opposite. They are keeping us "stuck" and creating a self-prophization. (If I think I am not worth anything, I don't have to try, and I will keep proving to myself that I am not worth anything). </p><p>There are many techniques to work through and start to change our negative self-talk. There are actually many self-help workbooks that can help with this as well. </p><p>A technique I like to use is meditation or mindfulness. This can teach us to accept our thoughts (not fight them) and then learn to let them go. Release the power they have on us. If we can learn to release these and not ruminate on them, this will give us the space to allow more positive and supportive thoughts to come in. </p><p>Mantras can help with this as well (I AM worth a lot, I AM important, I have value). Saying these to yourself everyday over and over (even if at first you don't believe) can retrain our brains to believe it (and allow us to believe it). I have even wrote positive mantras to myself in my bathroom mirror so I am forced to look at these throughout the day.</p><p>Please remember to not be hard on yourself as you begin to attempt to change the automatic thought patterns. It took a while for you to get where you are and it will take a while for this change to kick in and feel normal. So allow the process to happen slowly and allow yourself to accept you as the amazing and brave person you are. </p> | 0 |
5775c7b072f4321a37b641c2 | I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day. | I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk.
In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol.
But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-over-endulge-when-i-drink-alcohol-and-feel-extremely-guilty-about-it-the-next-day | Substance Abuse,Social Relationships | 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider | https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider | <p>Speaking with a licensed therapist will help you figure out if indeed you have a problem or not. I would say the first question you should ask yourself is why you are drinking? The second would be why you feel the need to drink in excess? It may be due to a life event or the crowd you are running with. Either way a therapist will be able to help you through this as you already made the first step in admitting you are having a difficult time. </p><p><br></p> | 0 |