Input: My ex left without fully explaining but I feel broken and empty

Instruction: About 5 months ago my ex left without fully explaining why. For me it seemed out of the blue. I don't miss her as much as I used to but I just don't trust people anymore, not even my friends who I have known since my childhood not even my family. I'm so terrified of being judged or dismissed. Instead of acting like someone else or putting on a mask of a personality, I've just shut down. I haven't felt that sense of comfort and happiness with myself since everything fell apart. I'm scared to because I don't want it to be taken away from me again. I feel like ever lesson I learn only last a day. I just don't know what to do. I'm working at a place I know I should enjoy. I'm keeping up with my creative passions: working out, eating healthy, etc. I'm doing everything the books say I should do, but I don't feel any different. I just don't know what to do.

Output: since you realize your sense of trust was broken, withdrawing from close relationships, makes sense.This may be your Self giving you natural time to recuperate from emotional pain.Also it is your chance to think over how to handle yourself differently in future relationships.Maybe this process requires more time than you'd like.Having patience is very difficult when a person feels hurt.A therapist of your own may be a good idea so you have someone for guidance and to chart your progress w you.This may feel less lonely and help you tolerate the waiting period till you're better


Input: My ex left without fully explaining but I feel broken and empty

Instruction: About 5 months ago my ex left without fully explaining why. For me it seemed out of the blue. I don't miss her as much as I used to but I just don't trust people anymore, not even my friends who I have known since my childhood not even my family. I'm so terrified of being judged or dismissed. Instead of acting like someone else or putting on a mask of a personality, I've just shut down. I haven't felt that sense of comfort and happiness with myself since everything fell apart. I'm scared to because I don't want it to be taken away from me again. I feel like ever lesson I learn only last a day. I just don't know what to do. I'm working at a place I know I should enjoy. I'm keeping up with my creative passions: working out, eating healthy, etc. I'm doing everything the books say I should do, but I don't feel any different. I just don't know what to do.

Output: Sounds like you need closure. I'm sure your doing your best to overcome this feeling but seem to be struggling with your own happiness. Trust God no one else. Give this some time and don't close yourself off to the world or the people who love you. Be open hearted and minded. And know that no matter what reason your ex walked out of your life, she missed out on how great of a person you truly are and may have had personal issues of her own.


Input: How do I cope with the feelings like I'm not good enough?

Instruction: I feel like I have to be promiscuous in order to keep people around? It started after I got raped by my ex-boyfriend.

Output: I recommend that you seek professional services to address the trauma you experienced. EMDR has been proven to be very effective in treating trauma. In addition, a support group might be helpful to find a more stable support network. Either a support group for victims of rape or sex/love addiction www.sa.org sound appropriate. Whichever group resonates the most with you will be the most helpful. If you have any additional questions or concerns, please feel free to ask.


Input: How can I be more confident around girls?

Instruction: I keep hearing I am attractive from people around me, and I think I believe it. But I have low confidence regarding approaching girls I like.

Output: I recommend that you focus on the negative thoughts or irrational beliefs that are going through your mind at the time in which you are trying to approach a girl. When you are aware of the negative thoughts or irrational beliefs, you can then work on changing them. An easy way to recognize an irrational belief is a thought that contains the words "must or never." Once you recognize the thought or belief, I would like you to picture a big red stop sign. This is called thought stopping. This is a technique to use to stop unwanted or unhealthy thoughts. Then, I would like you to think of a more positive thought to replace it with such as: Negative thought: "That girl will never go out with me" STOP Positive thought: "I won't know if she will go out with me unless I ask". What this does is increase your self confidence by replacing your negative thoughts with positive ones that will ultimately boost your self esteem.


Input: I'm a 19 year old male with low self esteem. I've always been very closed off about my feelings and problems

Instruction: A few nights ago I talked to this girl I know about my self esteem issues for the first time. We talked for hours and she told me time and again that I was a great guy. She told me I was attractive, and have a great personality, etc. I really started to feel better about myself by the time I woke up the next morning. Now, though, I can't stop thinking about her, but I leave to go back to college in a few days and I go to school 4 hours away from her. So now I feel constantly depressed because even if I told her how I felt it wouldn't matter. I feel helpless and I don't know what to do.

Output: Hey!  It takes a lot of courage to share your feelings with someone!  And it sounds like you have been lucky to meet someone who makes you feel safe enough to explore some of your more painful feelings.  A big part of the process, however, of strengthening your self-concept is learning how to tell yourself those positive messages that you heard from your friend!  Leaving for college may also be contributing to your feelings of unsteadiness.  Try this - Make a list of all of the positive things that you know are true about yourself.  Ask your friends and family to contribute to the list.  Then carry it with you in your wallet - and when you need a self-esteem boost, take a look at it!  You are in a season of life that presents lots of challenges and opportunities.  Reach out to your long-distance friend when you need support - and take a walk over to the campus counseling center and check out what they might have to offer.  Be Wise!


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: Previous counselors have discussed very good points about your situation so I would like just to confirm what seems essential to me on this topic. When you ask yourself this question, it shows you are not happy or have doubts about the way things have evolved so far. Relationships require time and work for them to develop, grow and flourish as healthy and fulfilling ones for both partners. This is a key factor, "reciprocity". Without both of you sharing the same core values, beliefs, expectations and lifestyles; without you having a good level of compatibility in your personalities and feeling understood, protected, cared by, supported and loved by each other, there is no way you could truly feel and experience a mutually healthy, meaningful and fulfilling relationship for the long run. What has attracted you to each other is good and meaningful enough to empower and support you for the long run? Many people focus too much on looks, financial benefits or other external factors, which are important but cannot build a healthy, mature and fulfilling lifelong relationship. This does not mean many couples do not willingly choose these types of relationship since truly believing those are their top priorities. What they ignore, is that with time, life challenges, issues and pain, temptations and appealing alternatives around those external factors, their relationships would not cope very well but would get gradually or suddenly undermined. Be honest with yourself, reflect on what you truly need, want, and expect from a boyfriend and life partner. Ask yourself if this person has what it takes to meet those expectations and satisfy those needs and if you are also a very good match for him, since there is no way the relationship works unless it does for both of you. So while one person could feel blessed by having such a wonderful partner, the other could feel frustrated, or just not truly fulfilled, passionate or happy with her/his partner. Long-term relationships require a lot, and when I talk about sharing same core factors, I mean truly feeling being a good match to each other at the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels, and around all the other roles life  involves, related to lifestyle as social life, habits, dreams, preferences, etc.Then there is a lot to reflect on by yourself, to carefully evaluate in yourself based on what you already know about you and this person. Then you would be able to tell yourself if you truly want to continue or not with this person. If you feel you do, then you have to talk to him and make sure he feels the same way. In a scenario where you doubt if you should tell him about this or that, as another counselor suggested, out of fear of any form of abuse or retaliation, those would be serious enough to show you this could never truly work. If your fears are more about being misunderstood and judged, then you still have to work on developing open and honest communication with him, as long as what you expect is something truly healthy and worthy. Many people look for and stay in relationships because they prefer that to be alone, by themselves, thus they end using relationships to feel better about themselves and their lives, to bring some feelings of happiness and company. The problem, is that if those are the initial core reasons to start or stay in a relationship, this can never truly evolve into anything healthy and mutually fulfilling, unless the person works on herself/himself to meet those personal needs and resolve those personal issues, which would enable her to work on self and with the other person in the relationship. Finally, I want to mention what I shared in a past article on this subject; namely, you need to assess if your boyfriend has been really consistent in his words and actions, otherwise, lack of honesty, accountability and/or respect, would never lead to anything worthy in any type of relationships. Also, we are all human beings, and that means we are no perfect, and we need to work on ourselves to make improvements. Relationships are a means to keep growing as individuals supporting each other to become better versions of ourselves, without manipulation, neglect or abuse. Thus while on one hand, healthy love means embracing the whole persona with strengths and weaknesses, on the other hand, it is fully incompatible with tolerating and/or enabling what is distorted or dysfunctional against that person or against ourselves. This is why both persons need to be willing and ready to work on making changes and improvements as necessary. Without this, it would be hopeless and helpless to expect things would be just fine with time, they would not, they would just get worse. So let's take one step at a time, reflect on what you feel, need and want now and for the future, assess how well this person is able and willing to work on that, and dialogue to make sure you are both fully aware, understood and clear about your relationship and how well it could make your lives better. If professional support is needed, and both are willing to take it, please do not delay it. If one refuses necessary support, then face reality and come to terms with what it is showing you. Trust more actions than words, set and keep healthy boundaries, and take into account what life experiences show you, as well as feedback and counsel from those mature and truly caring people who know you while pushing away what is superficial, biased or too rushed.Thank you for sharing.


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: That you are questioning if you should end your relationship with your boyfriend tells me that you are unhappy with him. Spend sometime by yourself exploring the reasons for that unhappiness. Are these things likely to change or not?


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: This can be a very challenging decision, and it may take time for you to sort through all of your feelings about the relationship and its possible end. Therapy can help you have a space to be completely honest with yourself about your relationship as you grapple with your decision of whether to remain with your boyfriend. Your therapist can ask questions to guide you in uncovering your true feelings about whether this is the right relationship for you, and he or she can support you in whatever decision you come to.


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: You can make a pro relationship and con relationship list about if this person promote happiness or headaches in your life.


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: That you are thinking of ending it is a partial clue as to how you feel. Another suggestion is to weigh the pros and cons of staying vs leaving the relationship. You can also make a list of your ideal partner and see how much of that he matches.   This video could also be of great help ▶ Why You Can't Leave The Relationship


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: That is such a hard place to be. Usually when we ask that question, we are struggling with weighing the "good" from the "bad." Here are some questions to ask yourself:1. Do I like myself when I'm with my partner, or do I struggle to feel positive about myself with them?2. Do I feel like I show up in the world as a better person, because my partner is in my life?3. Do I feel like our relationship is reciprocal - that is, are we both giving and taking in some ways?4. Am I attached to this PERSON, or am I having trouble with ending a relationship in which I had a lot of hopes and dreams? 5. Am I staying in this relationship because I am afraid of being alone or feeling judged by my partner or others?Sometimes it is enough to take stock on our own or with the support of friends and family. Other times, it can be helpful to work with a therapist to untangle what is at the heart of feeling stuck, in order to move forward. I wish you all the best.


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: Making the decision to end a relationship is never an easy decision. However, here are three signs that it may be time to end an unhealthy relationship.There are More Negative Interactions Than Positive OnesEvery relationship has its good interactions and its not-so-good ones. But there are those relationships that seem like every interaction is tense and filled with negative emotions. When communication becomes difficult or impossible, the relationship is beyond fixing.Vastly Different NeedsIn the beginning of a new friendship or romance, it’s easy to try and compromise with one another, making certain both person’s needs are being met. Over time, some friends or couples realize their needs are too different. For instance, in a romantic couple, someone may need more sex than the other. Someone may need to always be in control or have a need to lie. These kinds of clashing needs are a red flag for any relationship.A Blatant Lack of RespectRespect is essential in relationships. But sometimes there are those individuals that seem incapable of respecting the other person, their needs, their boundaries, their wishes, etc. These people tend to be on the narcissistic spectrum and are incapable of having empathy or respect for others’ needs.


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: Some good talk therapy can help.  Also consult a spiritual advisor like myself who can give you some incite on what is going on around and spirit guides ...then decide on your own.


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: if there is abuse in any form, one needs to end the relationship !


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: It sounds like you've already decided. But if you want to really figure it out, do a pros and cons list or talk to someone to figure out if you getting the most out of the relationship and if not, if making it better is an option, which it always is. Are you and your boyfriend willing to make it work? If it's one sided and you have nothing to lose get uncomfortable and do what you need to do. Trust your gut! It usually doesn't steer us wrong.


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: Deciding to end a relationship is a big question that deserves your full care and attention.  One of the first questions you may ask of yourself and consider for your boyfriend is whether you are both willing to work on the relationship.  A relationship, no matter how great or hard, can't work unless both people are invested in working on it.  This means that both people are willing to take responsibility and work on their on stuff when things are hard rather than blaming the other.  If one of you is not willing or able to work at this then the relationship can't really grow or get better.  Perhaps spend some time really asking yourself if you this is the person you want to work on things with.  All relationships are hard and require care and attention and also ask us to really take responsibility for what we contribute.  This should be done in a relationship where you want to do this work for yourself and the other.  Also, if you are fully in and ready to do the work but your partner isn't.  If they say things like "this is just how I am" or "we have problems because of your issues" then you also may want to really slow down and consider if this will be workable.  You and your boyfriend need to be invested and committed to the relationship even when things are hard.


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: Breakups are hard, there’s no two-ways about it. The emotional toll is enough to send many people into the fetal position with one hand wrapped around a spoon and the other around a pint of ice cream.The problem with reaching for comfort foods in times of crisis is that they set us up to feel even worse. Yes, sugar absolutely gives us an initial rush. We feel energized and happy. Guess what happens when you eat sugar? Your brain produces more dopamine, a feel-good chemical. Before long, you are eating more and more ice cream to keep your dopamine levels up.When you experience a breakup, it’s important to fight your urge to self-medicate the sadness away through unhealthy foods or alcohol. Here are some things you can do instead to feel better:Create a New SpaceIt’s time for a fresh new start, and there’s no better way to do this than by giving your living space a makeover. Move the furniture around, give your living room a new paint color. Get some new sheets and linens. You want to remove obvious memories from your home and create the kind of space that makes you feel excited for your future.Reconnect with Loved OnesOften when we’re in a relationship, all of our time and energy goes to the other person and we see old friends and family less than we’d like. Now is a great time to reconnect with those people who will love and support you through this hard time.Try Mindfulness MeditationAnd speaking of connecting with loved ones, it’s time to connect with yourself. Mindful meditation is a great way to quiet your thoughts and just be with the REAL you. Meditation also helps to alleviate stress. Five to 10 minutes a day is all you need to start feeling calm and balanced, and this is a much better headspace to begin making choices and decisions for your future.Breakups will never be easy, but they are a part of life. Do your best to stay away from binging on junk food and instead focus on self-care and compassion.If you find your feelings of sadness are not going away, it may be helpful to talk to someone. When we don’t know how to navigate our strong emotions, we can become depressed and anxious. Speaking with a therapist can help you work through your pain.


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: Hi!I’m sorry you’re having this dilemma. I wish I knew a little more about the situation to give a better answer. Have you discussed what is causing you to consider breaking up with your partner? Based on the information given, I suggest starting off making a pros and cons list. Pros for staying in the relationship and cons for staying. See which side has more. Follow your gut. Hope this helps as a start.


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: This can be a very difficult question to answer. Without knowing anything else about the situation - it makes me wonder - what makes you feel like you should break up with him? What brought up thinking about ending things? It will be important to decide if the relationship is safe, if it is healthy, and if it makes you both happy. Are there reasons you are staying in the relationship that don't make you feel good? It might be helpful to write things out or talk to a trusted friend about what each of your choices means. What would it be like to end things? What would it be like to stay? Are there issues that the two of you can work on to make the relationship better?


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: This is a very personal decision that you make when you have evaluated the issues in your couple that you feel are affecting your happiness and well being in your couple. I recommend completing a compatability checklist to evaluate which areas are making you unhappy. It is important to discuss these feelings with your partner and determine if together you want to work on these differences. If there is no agreement to working together to resolve the issues  and you cannot accept the issues as they are then a break up may be best.


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: This is a tough decision to make for anyone that has ever been involved in a relationship.  My advice is for you to consider what is making you unhappy in this relationship.  Sometimes we think we are ready to move on but don't know the reason why and then we regret it.  The worst thing you want after the fact is to have regret.  Take time to do some soul searching and imagine your life without this person before you make any decisions.  This will also help you understand what it is you are looking for in a romantic relationship. Best of luck in your love life. Mirella~Image and Likeness Counseling


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: That's a loaded question.  Typically, if we are contemplating if we should or not, it is for a reason.  To really come to a place of decision, you need to know where you are right now, what is not working, what the potential resolution would be and if it is realistic.  If you can answer those questions, you may gain some insight.   If it is realistic and your boyfriend is on the same page, seek help putting a plan in motion for resolution.  And I mention him being on the same page because if he is not, then it will never come to fruiting.  Without much other information, this is this is a solid approach.


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: The decision to end a relationship is difficult. There are a few questions you might want to ask yourself like, "Why am I asking myself if i should end it?", "What else am I looking for in a relationship that this one doesn't give me?", "is my boyfriend willing to discuss my doubts and willing to work at making this relationship better?", "Is he abusive in any way?" These are just a few questionsto think through in order to make this decision. Also talk to a trusted friend and see they're point of view of your relationship. Sometimes talking it over can help you think out loud and you're friend can point out details you can't thought about. Talking to a therapist is also a good option as a therapist can hello you figure out what you are looking for and address any issues that need to be addressed.


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: The decision to end a relationship is often very difficult. It is important that you are aware of your personal "deal breakers". Some common deal breakers are abuse of any kind (physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional) or substance abuse; however, anything that is detrimental to your well being can be considered a deal breaker. I know of a young woman who broke up with her boyfriend because he decided to adopt a pet cat and she is highly allergic. For her, having a cat was a deal breaker !Healthy relationships enhance personal growth, and  we enhance our spiritual and emotional wellbeing by collaborating with our partner to work through problems and overcome challenges. My guess is that you would not be questioning whether or not to end your relationship if things were going smoothly. Are you both equally invested in finding a resolution to whatever is troubling you?An excellent book on relationship ambivalence is "Too Good to Leave; Too Bad to Stay" by Mira Kirshenbaum. By the last chapter you will have the answers that you seek.


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: Deciding to end a relationship is never easy, especially if there is not any strong reason or incident standing out to help define the unhappiness in the relationship, such as infidelity or abuse.  All relationships go through low periods where one or both people may feel unhappy in the relationship, this is normal.  What I tell my clients when they are facing this decision is to spend some time and imagine your life without the person in it.  What do you feel when you imagine your life without your boyfriend?  Do you see yourself as being happier, having more freedom?  When you think of life without him do you feel a weight lift off your shoulders?  Is it easier to breathe?  Don't rush into any decision about leaving the relationship.  Take as much time as you need to fully understand what it is you are feeling right now.  Ask yourself if some of the unhappiness in the relationship can change, if it is likely to change.  Only when you are confident in your decision to leave should you then have the discussion about leaving the relationship.  I hope this answer gives you some ways of thinking through how to make that very tough decision.


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: Hi there, that's a big question and really something no one can answer except you. Here are some things to consider to help you make your decision.What is leading you to ask the question? Has something happened recently or repeatedly that is making you question your relationship? If so, what is it. Can you rank it on a scale from 1-10, 1 being not a big deal and 10 being a deal breaker. What are your deal breakers and has he violated any of them? What are your reasons for being with him? How would you feel without him? How does he make you feel on a daily basis? Is there any abuse in the relationship (physical, emotional, psychological)? - if the answer to this question is yes - please seek immediate help. In addition to thinking about your relationship on your own, have you talked with your boyfriend about how you're feeling? If it is safe to do so, honest, open communication might help you get some more clarity. You don't have to say "I'm thinking about breaking up with you," but you can say something along the lines of, "I'm having some doubts about our relationship. Can we talk about us?" If you want to stay with him, maybe you can work on your relationship together? Going to couples counseling could also be an option for you.If you decide that the relationship is not working, think about how you would like to be broken up with and if possible, try to come from a place of kindness and understanding.  As always, I'm happy to provide more guidance if you'd like. Good luck with you decision.


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: Without knowing the details, it would be very difficult to say! But, that's also the point of my response. Because even with the details, it's very hard to say, as no one is experiencing the relationship in your shoes, except for you. It might be helpful to process this in therapy, or with your boyfriend directly and voice your concerns about the relationship. In any successful relationship, the research has shown that openness in communication is vital.That all being said, I would also add, with a lot of curiosity...if you have to ask the question, does that say something about what you feel is the quality of the relationship?


Input: Should I end it?

Instruction: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Output: If you're asking the question, then probably you are pretty close to ending your relationship.Make a list of what you don't like and then decide whether you'd like to tell these topics to your boyfriend as a discussion about your relationship.He may have similar feelings and together the two of you may figure out new ways to be loving with each other.If you've presented your needs and no change results, then ask yourself if you can be happy with him, given what you now realize about him and your feelings.


Input: How do I move on?

Instruction: I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?

Output: You can’t drive life’s road without sometimes hitting bumps like regrets, disappointments, and tragedies. When you do, it’s easy to get stuck there, gazing back into your rearview mirror at the past. But God and Your Higher Power wants you to move on toward the future He has planned for you. It’s a future filled with hope – but to get there, you’ve got to turn your focus forward and look through the windshield at the road ahead. Here’s how you can let go of the past to move into the future: * Realize that you have a choice. Understand that you’re not a victim of your circumstances and that no one but yourself can tie you to the past; you can decide whether or not to move on. Ask God for the courage to choose to break free of whatever is chaining you to the past.🙏✨🙌


Input: How do I move on?

Instruction: I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?

Output: A large part of moving on is taking time to grieve the loss of the relationship, practicing self-love, and learning to self-generate the love, acceptance, and validation you were receiving from the relationship. Work on any feelings of abandonment and codependency, or regret, not feeling enough,   guilt, shame fears. If you are open you could write a letter of what you would say then release it. You could even go as far as to a write letter of what you wish would occur or what you need to hear to move on then release. Acceptance of what is would be crucial, giving yourself the closure you deserve.   I wanted to share this video in an effort to help. Evicting someone living in your head rent free


Input: How do I move on?

Instruction: I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?

Output: Moving on is the right question. Everyone's different in moving on. First, what can I learn about myself because of this painful time? Caring non-judgmental family and friends who listen with the head and heart help a iot. Other times I need a skillful, caring professional to help me move on. You will find a way because you've asked the right question. Dr. Spencer


Input: How do I move on?

Instruction: I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?

Output: The termination of a relationship can be a challenge to heal from. Having obsessions after a breakup are very normal and many of my clients experience them. It can help to create a distraction box and when the obsessions present themselves use your distraction activities. In the beginning try to distract from the obsessions for 5 minutes and work to increase that time over time. Celebrate your successes when you are able to distract yourself.


Input: How do I move on?

Instruction: I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?

Output: Initially, everything is a reminder because there is a trace of that other person present in everything in your life. When we lose someone, we're saying goodbye to what we thought our future was going to be.  Accepting that's changed and allowing ourselves to envision a new future is necessary to "move on". Start learning something new or try a new activity that you've always wanted to do.  Find whatever is "good" about being out of the relationship and focus on those things.  This can be an exciting time of transformation for you.   As time goes by, you'll add new things in your life that aren't entwined with this relationship and those things will begin to crowd out those things associated with the relationship.  Give yourself a little empathy, no one goes through a breakup without being sad.  It's ok to be sad.  It's even ok to feel devastated.  Loss of a relationship touches a primal need we have to belong.  It makes us feel insecure, unanchored.  In truth, we are ok, safe even.  This experience will open different perspectives for you.  There are lessons you'll take from it that will add another facet to you as a person.  Maybe in time, you'll even appreciate this experience.  I'm sorry you're hurting right now.  Best wishes to you, Allison


Input: How do I move on?

Instruction: I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?

Output: Dealing with a breakup is difficult. We have high hopes and then those hopes and dreams are dashed and we feel at a loss for how to deal with this sudden change in our lives. First, it is important to acknowledge that losing a relationship is a loss and we need to grieve that loss. If we don't allow ourselves time to process and move through the grieving process, we may remain stuck and it may make it hard to move on. So in some ways, you don't want to move on too soon by just trying to ignore your feelings. Instead, take good care of yourself, talk to friends and give your self time to heal. The second most important thing is to forgive yourself; this is also an important part of taking care of yourself. You might be blaming yourself and re-living moments when you wish you would have done things differently. By replaying those thoughts you remain stuck. When we begin to forgive ourselves, we truly begin to heal. Lastly, in my experience the people who have the most difficulty moving on have not really severed all ties with their ex. They are still following them on social media or even checking in with texts. This is probably the hardest part for some people, but to move forward there needs to be a clear boundary and a clear ending. If you have a clear ending, you can have a new beginning. I hope this helps. Take good care of yourself!


Input: How do I move on?

Instruction: I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?

Output: Relationships can be extremely enjoyable and satisfying.  When relationships end, however, it can be devastating.  It is normal to go through a grieving process after a breakup.  Denial, bargaining, sadness, anger and eventually acceptance are all normal stages of grief.  You may experience these feelings all at once or one at a time.  Allow yourself time to grieve by expressing your emotions - talk to a friend or write in a journal.  Take care of yourself during this time by exercising, eating and sleeping well and spending time with friends.  After some time you should start feeling better.  If you feel like you're not feeling better and you don't know what to do, you can see a therapist to help you get through this difficult time.


Input: How do I move on?

Instruction: I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?

Output: Breaking up can be a very difficult thing.  I'm sorry you're feeling badly.    The first thing is to be really sure you are taking care of yourself --- that means eating well, exercising, getting good sleep, spending time with friends/family and making sure you are taking care of important things like work, rent, bills etc.    Secondly, it's important to do things that make you feel better and not worse.   If looking up your ex on social media makes you feel worse stop doing it!   It's important to concentrate on you and not them.    Thirdly, it's super important to make sure you're really looking at the situation accurately and look for the good things that still exist in your life ---  what is still good?   Even though your emotions are hurting and you are feeling badly, can you see the light at the end of the tunnel?  Do you feel hope?  If you do try to concentrate on that hope feeling.   If the obsessing continues and really gets in the way of living your life?   Maybe contact a therapist or counsellor that can help you through this difficult time?


Input: How do I move on?

Instruction: I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?

Output: Hi, Break ups can be very devastating and even traumatic. Recovering from one is a process that is unique for everyone person and will take time. It's important that you don't compare yourself to others. Each and every person will experience this grieving process differently. Here are a few tips to help with your recovery: 1. Make sure you surround yourself with people who love you and support you, friends and family. Even though you might feel like being alone, make an effort to be around them. 2. Although you might not feel like it, try to take care of yourself as much as possible: eat healthily, get regular sleep, & vigorous or gentle exercise (depending on your mood). The last thing that we want to do when we are physically sick (e.g. flu) is to take care of ourselves even thought that's what we need the most. But when we do get that chicken broth, sleep and vitamins we recover much faster and with less discomfort. That's exactly the same when it comes to emotional pain. Take care of yourself, keep yourself strong and healthy so you can recover faster. 3. As much as possible, put away reminders of the relationship. You might not be ready to throw things out, but try to put them away in a box in the storage or in a closet. And also block Social Media reminders. There is a lot of wisdom in the saying "Out of Sight, Out of Mind." 4. Once the initial shock and intensity of the break up wear off, try out something new. In a relationship, we often forget and give up on things that we always wanted to do or to try. Now it's time to bring out that dusty bucket list and start trying something new. 5. If possible, change your scenery by going away on vacation with a friend or even by yourself. Changing your surroundings can really help you change your thoughts, mindset and forget your ex even if just for a few hours. Even a weekend getaway with a couple of girlfriends can do wonders. 6. In addition, to help you make sense of your past relationship and what went wrong, I would highly recommend seeing a professional counsellor or therapist.


Input: How do I move on?

Instruction: I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?

Output: The best way to move on is to give yourself sufficient time and space away from your ex so you can heal.  That means no checking out your ex on social media platforms and no contact.  In order to move on and diminish the obsessions, help yourself recognize and accept that the relationship is over, and make sure to get sufficient support in processing all your feelings.  Once that takes place, it can be useful to explore and process with a professional the meaning of the relationship and to understand your part in what transpired.Sometimes people obsess because they have difficulties accepting what's already taken place and want things to be different.  The key to moving forward is to be loving toward yourself, to give yourself permission to grieve the loss, and to start cultivating new and healthy habits/patterns.  Reengage in your present life, ask yourself what you want your life to look like, and start creating goals and taking small steps to create the amazing life you want for yourself.


Input: How do I move on?

Instruction: I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?

Output: Let yourself know what you feel.   There is no timetable or known length of how much time a particular person requires in order to feel that the dissolved relationship is behind them.Probably the more you allow yourself to acknowledge your sadness from seeing the reminders, the sooner you will feel fresh and new again.


Input: How do I get over a person I fell in love with?

Instruction:
I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before.    I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered "wrong" by a lot of people.
   How can I get myself to just move on?

Output: Love is a deep and nuanced feeling so start to accept that a simple cutting of emotional connection isn't possible.Honor the love you felt for this person.  Acknowledgement of your love feelings will most likely help you find a dignified way to accept them while at the same time slowly developing new ways to live your life in a way which does not include the actual person.Your feelings will always belong to you.  The newly discovered sense of how love feels will be with you and positively influence all your relationships.  There is a benefit to feeling loved even if it is not forever in this lifetime.Also, your partner opened your feelings, the feelings which showed in fact already were within you.  He opened the door and this door belongs to you.I hope you will find ways to appreciate having been loved and to be open that your feelings of being loved are a positive influence in all your relationships.


Input: How do I get over a person I fell in love with?

Instruction:
I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before.    I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered "wrong" by a lot of people.
   How can I get myself to just move on?

Output: There is no wrong or right way to define a relationship. I believe each relationship we are in is an opportunity to expand and to know self on a deeper level. We are conditioned to believe that we are not valued, or worth much without the confirmation of others and the world around us. Give yourself time and try to not go to those who are toxic and enjoy the drama of others lives as s way to avoid looking at themselves.


Input: How do I get over a person I fell in love with?

Instruction:
I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before.    I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered "wrong" by a lot of people.
   How can I get myself to just move on?

Output: Well, there is some good news and not-so-good news. The good news is that people are capable of moving on from relationships, even if the person showed them a sort of love that they've never felt they've had, or deserved, before. Sometimes, even just the fact that this has happened for them can, eventually (see below) lead them to seek out love again, because they now believe they will be able to have that again.So, the not-so-good news though is that one can not "just move on." I'd even venture to say that the pressure you may be putting on yourself to just move on and out of this yucky hole of feelings that you are in is actually too much pressure and adding to the yucky feelings as they are. Instead, try thinking of getting past these feelings as grieving over the loss of someone (even though someone didn't die, there is still a significant loss you are experiencing) and therefore how essential it is to allow yourself to grieve, to feel whatever feelings (of anger, or sadness, or something else) that you are feeling. Often, it is really helpful to speak those feelings (I recommend professionals in this case) who can help you feel like you are not pathological for this struggle, and instead that it is completely normal. Love is a crazy thing, and the feelings can get very confusing. But, the last stage of grieving is "acceptance," and it is very challenging to get there if you skip over denial, anger, bargaining, and depression.


Input: How do I get over a person I fell in love with?

Instruction:
I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before.    I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered "wrong" by a lot of people.
   How can I get myself to just move on?

Output: First sending your 💕.  You need to forgive yourself and try to start by working on self care and self love.  I highly recommend speaking to me to see what is surrounding you at this time.  There are many tools that can self help you to start the process to moving forward and break the " Hold ON's".  But understanding first about how and why this happened.  Maybe there is some soul connection or a pattern in your energetic system that needs to be worked on.  Be Grateful that you are okay and recognizing that you have learned a little bit more of YOU.  Also if you want you can check out this BOOK to see if there is anything in there that may help.


Input: How do I get over a person I fell in love with?

Instruction:
I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before.    I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered "wrong" by a lot of people.
   How can I get myself to just move on?

Output: What if we think about this in metaphor: imagine a dirt road suddenly paved over - where before it was small, once paved, it was faster, smoother and suddenly you, the driver, knew what real driving could feel like. Then your road got a pothole: now, every time you drive, you hit that hole, and it only seems to get worse, the more you drive over it.  Until that hole is patched - until you choose to fill your heart with either love for another or love for yourself - you might find it challenging to 'keep driving on your road'. Instead of letting go of how you felt, try to hang on to that feeling, just direct it inwards: you've shared you're capable of feeling strongly for another, surely, you're worthy of that same regard? All the best~


Input: How do I get over a person I fell in love with?

Instruction:
I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before.    I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered "wrong" by a lot of people.
   How can I get myself to just move on?

Output: What about him do you miss most?  What part of those things can you self-generate, give those things to yourself.  Working thru the grief of losing this relationship.   Perhaps review this video and see what comes up.  Also, reviewing your feelings around scarcity- is he the only person who can be a healthy partner to you? When thoughts of him come up, redirect your thoughts versus letting thoughts of him consume your life.  Some have found support in engaging in acupuncture and emotional freedom technique (EFT) also building up your feelings of self-worth, and self-love outside of him and your former relationship. Evicting someone living in your head rent free


Input: How do I get over a person I fell in love with?

Instruction:
I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before.    I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered "wrong" by a lot of people.
   How can I get myself to just move on?

Output: One of the most challenging areas for people to deal with is getting over the the person you have loved so much. It's a catch 22. You know mentally that it's not healthy to think about them. However, your feelings are still there. Moving on is tough. It takes time for feeling to go away. That's the thing, it's not the person you're trying to get over, it's the feeling and the idea of them that is that makes it difficult. You've learned a lot from the relationship and time will help. Activity will also help. Are you actively living your life? If not, go out and maybe it's time to date and find new love. Grow with new relationships and it will help create focus on someone who may even be better than the love you previously experienced. You can do it!Earl Lewiswww.RelationshipsGoneRight.Com


Input: How do I get over a person I fell in love with?

Instruction:
I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before.    I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered "wrong" by a lot of people.
   How can I get myself to just move on?

Output: It's difficult to move on and let go, especially when you've experienced things for the first time with someone, or feelings you've never felt before, as you said.I like the fact that you are looking at your situation "logically".  Feelings can take time to fade, but you seem to understand, even if it is subconsciously, that it's the feelings he stirred up in you that are keeping you tied to him, not necessarily the person himself. Realize that you can and will experience those feelings again with another person - the RIGHT person. Don't hold onto someone who is wrong for you just because of something like this. You're wanting those feelings and wanting a relationship - but with him necessarily? Or with anybody? You said you don't want to be without your love for him - not you don't want to be without him. In fact, you said you know you need to be without him. It seems like it's the LOVE that you can't let go of, and the feelings. Not the person. Trust me, you will find that again. Take some time to let this fade. Don't try to force him or anyone else into a role that is meant for someone else. Cherish the memories and the experiences you had. Sounds like it's been a valuable learning and growth experience for you, but you have your own reasons, and I don't know what they are, for thinking this person isn't good for you. Trust your gut instinct and be glad you've had this relationship. Not all are meant to last. But all shape you into the person you are and will become, and all teach us important lessons.


Input: How to get over somebody?

Instruction: Our relationship ended about 7 years ago, but don't know how to let go. How can I get over that person and move on?

Output: What about this person do you miss most?  What part of those things can you self-generate, give those things to yourself.  Work thru the grief of losing this relationship.   Perhaps review this video and see what comes up.  Also, reviewing your feelings around scarcity- are they the only person who can be a healthy partner to you? When thoughts of them come up, redirect your thoughts versus letting thoughts of them consume your life.  Some have found support in engaging in acupuncture and emotional freedom technique (EFT) also building up your feelings of self-worth, and self-love outside of them and your former relationship. Evicting someone living in your head rent-free


Input: How to get over somebody?

Instruction: Our relationship ended about 7 years ago, but don't know how to let go. How can I get over that person and move on?

Output: I think giving yourself the space to realize that this was a significant relationship and it really had an impact on you. I think you should honor that relationship and then talk about it to someone. The more you try to not think of it, the more you will think of it. I think you should instead, say "thank you" to that relationship. Thank you for showing you what qualities you like, what you desire. Maybe even come up with a list of what that specific relationship did for you. After you say "thank you" to that relationship then it may be time to say goodbye. You obviously want to get over that person, so figure out why you want to get over them. Why did it not work out? What negative parts of the relationship do you keep forgetting to think about. Oftentimes, people glamorize the past. So for your goodbye part of this phase, I would focus on the negative parts of the relationship. You can also work on emotionally saying goodbye to that time in your life. You are probably different than you were 7 years ago, and to be honest, they are probably different too.I know it sounds weird. But I would recommend that you mentally say "thank you" and "goodbye" to that relationship.


Input: How to get over somebody?

Instruction: Our relationship ended about 7 years ago, but don't know how to let go. How can I get over that person and move on?

Output: What you're most likely trying to get over is to be attracted to the qualities which you felt attracted to in the person.The problem isn't releasing yourself from the person, per se.   Letting go of a person means separating yourself from the qualities in a partner which you value.Two possibilities exist.Either you continue to feel strongly that the qualities in the past relationship are still meaningful and you'd like to base your next relationship on these qualities.Or, the person had qualities which are no longer relevant or necessary in your life and this is the reason the relationship ended.It is possible that even if you had an adequate exposure to certain qualities in someone that you simply miss the companionship of a relationship.See if you can figure out whether you need the qualities this person gave you or whether you simply like being part of a couple.If you like the particular qualities of your previous parter and these are still relevant to your life, you'll attract a partner who has similar qualities.Basically people attract what they need.The more open you are to attracting what you need in a partner, the more likely your next partner will have these qualities.In this way, you'll get over the particular person and still have the satisfaction to be in a relationship.


Input: How do I fix my marriage?

Instruction: My wife just last week said she wants a divorce and it's all sudden. I understand that marriages have their ups and downs but I don't understand why she can't tell me why she wants a divorce. Should I fight for my family (daughter and wife)?

Output: Chances are, if you really think about it, there were signs that something wasn’t quite right in your marriage. You may have passed these things off as being the normal ups and downs of a marriage, but whatever it was (or wasn't), it's obviously bothering your wife. I would say yes, keep trying to fight for your family, at least until you know what the problems are from your wife's perspective and if they're repairable. Ask your wife if she’s willing to try to work on the marriage and then see a marriage counselor. Just be sure you’re open to hearing what's said and try not to get defensive if she blames you for some things.Even if your wife is adamant about getting a divorce, that doesn't mean you’re divorcing your daughter and you should make sure she knows that. Continue to be a part of her life. And although it may be difficult, if a divorce does happen, try to be as amicable as possible with your wife so your daughter isn't further impacted by this new family dynamic.


Input: How can I let go of a relationship when the woman is married?

Instruction: We've been seeing each other for six years. She has a teenage daughter, and she don't want to break the family up.

Output: What changed that after six years you raise the question of what to do about this relationship?Had you hoped until now that she would leave?If this is so, and she clearly told you she will continue in her marriage, then the control is in your hands now as to how long you are willing to continue in the relationship as it is currentlyEmotionally releasing from a relationship takes much longer than the time to simply announce your departure from it.Emotions change gradually, whereas whether or not in real, practical time the two of you will continue seeing each other, is a clear and straightforward choice.If you decide your best interest is in leaving, then do so.  Your emotions will take a while to catch up.This is difficult and painful to do, only it sounds like staying is even more difficult.


Input: My husband kept a huge secret from me

Instruction: He had a sexual relationship with his sister and kept it from me for years, I confronted about it and he finally told me what happened. But I dont think he is telling me the whole story. He works with her and sees her every day.    I feel that I shouldn't stay with him , but he says he ended it long time ago. Should I trust my husband and stay with him?

Output: It is understandable that you are questioning whether to trust your husband as you learned that he was involved in an incestuous relationship with his sister ,and you believe he hid the information from you for years. I am sensing that you believe he may still be involved with her as they work together and see each other daily.In our society, incest is considered a taboo, and this might clearly have been the reason he could not share it with you. In addition, it is not clear whether the incest emerged as part of experimentation,or whether it was a traumatic experience for both siblings in which one of them played the role of the malevolent perpetrator and the other the victim. In any case, there is complexity around the dynamics  incest and it is often necessary for the individuals that participated in it to  undergo a healing process. In like manner, it must have been distressing for you to uncover this event in your husband's life. You may need to explore these issues in couples counseling with a professional who has training and experience in the family dynamics around incest that can shed further light for you. I hope that through that process, you may be able to figure out what direction to take, in terms of whether to preserve your marriage or not.


Input: My husband kept a huge secret from me

Instruction: He had a sexual relationship with his sister and kept it from me for years, I confronted about it and he finally told me what happened. But I dont think he is telling me the whole story. He works with her and sees her every day.    I feel that I shouldn't stay with him , but he says he ended it long time ago. Should I trust my husband and stay with him?

Output: Trust is a necessary factor for an intimate relationship to feel safe.The person who must repair the trust is the one who has broken this trust.The best way to find out if your husband wants to restore your trust in him, is to ask him this question.  He may not be willing to meet your request.If he hesitates or becomes defensive about the need to restore your trust, then ask him to think his decision through and tell him the serious consequence you are considering.Ask him to reflect for a few days or a week and then to address the topic again.If you and he consistently find that he is unwilling to do anything at all to regain your trust, then I agree you have serious thinking to do as to whether or not you'd be able to live within a partnership based upon trust, in which you don't trust your partner.


Input: How do I get my husband back?

Instruction: My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me.    He says he doesn't love me anymore, but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope?

Output: Most important is to take care of your feelings regarding that he has left you.From your description  there doesn't seem to be much hope your husband would like to keep the marriage going.Has a long time passed since the two of you separated?   Sometimes, and really this is very rare, people decide to return to their marriage.If he impulsively decided to leave and now is a short while since he did this, then there is some hope he will decide to stay together.If he's been out of the house for a while and tells you what you wrote, then there is greater chance he's had time to think through to split and will follow through.As painful as it is to hear that someone with whom you'd like to be, doesn't want to be with you, accepting your hurt feelings will eventually let you come to peace with your feelings.To keep hoping against the facts of what he's said to you, only makes your own pain intensify.


Input: How do I get my husband back?

Instruction: My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me.    He says he doesn't love me anymore, but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope?

Output: There is always hope. So don't give up on hope.However, you knew I would say that, there is a lot work ahead of you.You need to see someone to talk things out.Get some space between you and your husband. Don't chase and please don't stalk him.Do some deep searching as to why he left and what part you had to cause the split.You can't change him but you are in control of your own change.With the help of a professional counselor you can get help and direction where you need to change.


Input: How do I get my husband back?

Instruction: My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me.    He says he doesn't love me anymore, but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope?

Output: I believe there's always hope. I also believe that you are worthy of respect and love. I'm curious if you felt loved, cherished, and respected by your husband during your time together. Feeling willing to go to any extreme to save the marriage is common, but having to do things that go against your values sets you up to develop a lot of resentment. It sounds like you did not want to be separated from your husband, but now that it's happened, you can make the choice to focus on yourself, rediscovering, or discovering for the first time, what you really want out of life. Taking some time to grieve the loss of your marriage and practice self-care can help in the immediate aftermath. Are there dreams that you put on a shelf during your marriage that you could reignite? By considering the dreams and desires you had at the beginning of your marriage, you might find some direction for what to do next.


Input: How do I get my husband back?

Instruction: My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me.    He says he doesn't love me anymore, but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope?

Output: I would focus on YOU right now. We cannot control him, his actions, his love, or his decisions. But we can work on you. Think about a few things: What do you want? What do you love about him? What made you two separate? What do you think about being in a relationship where your partner does not love you? Does that seem fair? He may want to work things out or he may be done. He may be done for a short period of time or be done forever. No one can answer that which is why I think you should change the focus. If you do get back together, will you still trust him to not leave you? What if he does not love you? If you never get back together, can you still have a healthy, happy life? Can you mourn that relationship but also learn from it?I want you to be strong, happy, and healthy with or without him. So yes, there is hope for you - with or without him.


Input: How do I get over my heartbreak?

Instruction: A year ago, the love of my life left me and never looked back. Our son was two months old at the time and it broke my heart. I miss her so much and can't seem to get over being so heartbroken.

Output: Who takes care of your son, is a significant part of getting over your heartbreak.If you made reasonable custody terms re your son then the relationship heartache is much easier to recover from than if your son’s mother vanished from his life, or if the mother wants nothing to do w him.Re the actual relationship, let yourself feel sad and hurt since this is the truth.Usually life gradually fills in new people, including a relationship once you feel strong enough from having endured such sadness and loss.


Input: How do I get over my heartbreak?

Instruction: A year ago, the love of my life left me and never looked back. Our son was two months old at the time and it broke my heart. I miss her so much and can't seem to get over being so heartbroken.

Output: I recognize that you say you are missing being with the love of your life. At the same time, I don't understand whether you are able to see your son. I'm curious as to the relationship dynamic between you and your son's mother.When you say that she "never looked back," I imagine you are conveying that getting back together is not something that she is interested in.I would suggest that you talk with a therapist and your local area so that you have the ability to discuss the loss of this person who you love so much. Most people think of grief related to the loss of someone who has died, But it also applies to people who have a significant loss, whether that is a relationship, a job, or any number of other things.In the meantime, try finding something about yourself that you value and can focus on.


Input: How can I detach from my psychopathic boyfriend of seven years?

Instruction: I Googled “chronic lying” and found several websites describing what behaviors both he and I have been experiencing. Both of us agree we have an uncanny, unbreakable bond. He’s been unfaithful many times, while he remains my only intimate mate. How can I learn to detach from him as he is not going to change?

Output: First step is to detach, then learn about it.An attachment to a pathological liar, or to someone who is psychopathic, is based on insecurity, fear, or a sense to rescue someone, or of pity.   None of these attachment methods are healthy for human growth for either of you.  He lies to you and this is clearly not usual in relationships which truly are intimate.   Someone who lies is not trustworthy and without trust there is also no intimacy.The type of attachment between you and this person is not discussable in reasonable terms.   The bond is strong and irrational.Once you have separated from this person you'll have more freedom to know within yourself of what kept the relationship going for seven years.


Input: Should I tell my separated wife that I'm expecting a child with the woman I'm dating?

Instruction: I got married in 2014. I have a two year old son. His mom and I decided to separate due to my infidelities. We've tried to reconcile our differences but it never works out. Since we've been separated, I've dated someone, and we are expecting a baby girl. Is this something I should mention to my wife? The current woman whom I'm dating has been telling me for months to break up with her, but it's hard because I actually love her.

Output: My answer is yes, you should tell her because you have a child with her. She is the mother of your son, and this new baby would be his half sister. I think telling her is mature and appropriate. Usually procrastinating just makes it worse.Another thing to consider. Would you want her to tell you if she was pregnant with her boyfriends baby? Hope this helps, take care!


Input: Should I tell my separated wife that I'm expecting a child with the woman I'm dating?

Instruction: I got married in 2014. I have a two year old son. His mom and I decided to separate due to my infidelities. We've tried to reconcile our differences but it never works out. Since we've been separated, I've dated someone, and we are expecting a baby girl. Is this something I should mention to my wife? The current woman whom I'm dating has been telling me for months to break up with her, but it's hard because I actually love her.

Output: Only tell your former girlfriend who is the mother of your son, what is necessary for her to know as it relates to your son.The mother of your son has every right as a parent to know who is directly involved in her son's life.First figure out how you will handle your current girlfriend's request to end the relationship you have with her.Without knowing whether you are in a relationship or not, is a key piece of information which the mother of your son would likely have interest to know and be entitled to know.Also, love is never enough to keep a marriage working.  Love is a wonderful emotion only managing daily life and family decisions requires commitment to the other person.Reflect within yourself if you are willing to commit to your current girlfriend.   Then you'd have a substantial offer to make to her of your willingness to be together with her.


Input: How do I deal with the break off of my engagement?

Instruction: I got engaged, and everything was going well. Things went downhill at some point, and I broke off the engagement due to an opportunity to go to college. After that, I found out she had been cheating on me. I think about her all the time now, and we have been communicating on and off, but my friends/family don't know.

Output: Somehow you knew the marriage wouldn't have a good start if your fiancé was cheating on you.Congrats on your intuition and following your intuition.An engagement breakup is full of disappointment and sometimes talking about the particular points help the couple to clarify and possibly set the relationship on new terms or feel more confident in the breakup.I suggest you identify what topics re the relationship you'd like to clear up with your ex.If both of you are having touch and go conversation which doesn't address the deeper and more troubled areas which led to the cheating and breakup, there is a chance you both will go down a similar road of casual and light conversation which hits the wall of the deeper obstacles between both of you.Your friends and family don't need to know anything until you feel ready to tell them what you decide to tell them.


Input: Did I make a mistake breaking up with a guy who said his ex-girlfriend will always be on his mind?

Instruction: He was in love with someone years ago, and he still thinks about her time to time. He said, and I quote, "That relationship is definitely over. I love you, but that girl will always be in my mind." It just didn't feel like he appreciated all the things I've done to make him happy.

Output: Trust your intuition on your conclusion about this guy.He may very well love you, only with the ex so prominent in his mind, it is possible your feeling of not being appreciated now, would multiply if ever the two of you needed to address a delicate topic.Since he is emotionally attached to the former gf, it is very likely he wouldn't be able to fully love you as much as you'd like and are already sensing.


Input: Did I make a mistake breaking up with a guy who said his ex-girlfriend will always be on his mind?

Instruction: He was in love with someone years ago, and he still thinks about her time to time. He said, and I quote, "That relationship is definitely over. I love you, but that girl will always be in my mind." It just didn't feel like he appreciated all the things I've done to make him happy.

Output: It sounds like you were in a tough spot here.I'm not able to tell you whether or not you made a mistake because the decision is yours. I am wondering what led you to ask whether you made a mistake and whether you wish you were still in the relationship with this guy. If so, is it an option to talk about this with him?If you decide to get back together, consider having some conversations about what your concerns are and taking about five minutes or so to listen to this guy's thoughts, feelings, etc. Then see if you can repeat the essence of what he said to make sure you have it right. Then maybe you can ask some questions that you have and see if he is willing to listen. When each of you is in the role of asking questions, try to ask them as if you are an investigative reporter trying to learn more about each other's experience.If you are looking for information on coping with breaking up and you don't want to get back together or that's not an option, consider looking at how you define yourself and what is most important to you at this moment. I hear you saying you've done a lot of things to make him happy. I'm wondering what is making you happy. Hopefully you have friends or family that you can trust and talk to. Even if you don't talk about your relationship with all of them, I hope you have some people around whom you can be emotionally safe and comfortable.


Input: Why does my spouse tell me he doesn't want me, but also gets jealous of me?

Instruction: My spouse decided he no longer wanted me six years ago. Things have deteriorated so badly that we have separated but still live in the same house. He says he despises the sight of me, wants to be with other women, and divorce. What I don't understand is that he says constantly that I have no feelings for him and gets absurdly jealous if I speak to another male. Why does he constantly do these behaviors? I might add he has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and as a narcissist.

Output: What a burden for you!Your husband cannot seem to make up his mind on his viewpoint and doesn't seem to care whether or not you're affected by speaking out of two sides of his mouth.Keep yourself protected emotionally from him.   There's no good which can come by arguing with a person who  flips their position.Live as separately as possible from him and stick to roommate type matters such as groceries, bill paying and housecleaning as discussion topics.If he cannot make sense of what he thinks and feels, then certainly you will face similar difficulty trying to do so!


Input: Why does my spouse tell me he doesn't want me, but also gets jealous of me?

Instruction: My spouse decided he no longer wanted me six years ago. Things have deteriorated so badly that we have separated but still live in the same house. He says he despises the sight of me, wants to be with other women, and divorce. What I don't understand is that he says constantly that I have no feelings for him and gets absurdly jealous if I speak to another male. Why does he constantly do these behaviors? I might add he has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and as a narcissist.

Output: It sounds like this is quite difficult.It sounds as if sometimes your spouse want you to be a part of his life (which could be a part of where the jealousy comes from) and sometimes he doesn't. Talking about this would likely be a delicate conversation and from what you mention he has been diagnosed with, I'm wondering if he has a therapist. If so, do you know whether he would allow you to come to one session so you can learn more about how he feels? Maybe he would be to use more of it because in the contained environment of an therapy office. This way at least you would know where he's coming from. You could also ask whether he is able to hear what you want, wish for, or desire between the two of you.Remember, just because you hear or follow what he is saying does not imply that you agree with him, although that concept in itself could be a subject of discussion because not everyone is aware of it.I hope that you are able to hold onto who you are and what you want throughout this.


Input: Should I move on from my ex-husband?

Instruction: My husband and I are separated. He says he needs some time apart. He says he needs to get back the “in love” part of a relationship but doesn’t want to lose me. Should I wait or start over new?

Output: It's not uncommon for relationships to go cold over time. It is a matter of one or the other becoming complacent. If you and your husband have been together for quite some time it's likely that you are very comfortable and familiar with each other. While this is a good thing in some ways, it can also become boring and you run the risk of losing that "in love" feeling he is referring to. Couples simply become ambivalent. For some of the couples I work with in my practice, I find that helping to organize a time apart, which I call a "Therapeutic Separation" can do wonders for the relationship. I offer homework to be done during this time. Reading, worksheets and individual counseling helps people learn more about themselves and what they desire out of their relationship. It often times brings more appreciation for their partners. When the pair comes back together, we are able to push the reset button and begin a new chapter that is more fulfilling and exciting than before.


Input: Should I move on from my ex-husband?

Instruction: My husband and I are separated. He says he needs some time apart. He says he needs to get back the “in love” part of a relationship but doesn’t want to lose me. Should I wait or start over new?

Output: That's a tough one.  Would you and your husband be willing to attend couples counseling during the separation?  That would benefit you both.  If you separate and reconcile, what will have changed other than you having time apart?  You will need to gain new skills to enhance and maintain your connection - otherwise you will risk repeating the cycle of disconnect, discontentment and separation.  Please seek help from a therapist trained in couples work to help the two of you find a way either back to each other or gracefully out of the marriage.  Time away will not, by itself, change your relationship into one that can be sustained.


Input: How do I break an unhealthy relationship pattern?

Instruction:
I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it.
 I seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally abuse me and I am at their beck and call.
 I am not comfortable being alone or doing anything by myself. I feel I need the security of someone being around just to survive. I know what I'm doing wrong and I do it anyway just hoping things will change. How do I stop this behavior and thought process?

Output: You may be interested in reading my most recent post, Intimacy Begins With You. In it I offer 7 expert tips to help you get started on a path of self connection and discovery. This is important stuff to do in order to work through that stuff that's holding you back from the relationships you desire. You may find that it's especially helpful to do this work with the alliance of a skilled individual therapist.


Input: How do I break an unhealthy relationship pattern?

Instruction:
I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it.
 I seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally abuse me and I am at their beck and call.
 I am not comfortable being alone or doing anything by myself. I feel I need the security of someone being around just to survive. I know what I'm doing wrong and I do it anyway just hoping things will change. How do I stop this behavior and thought process?

Output: It is a good thing that you have recognized that you have been in some unhealthy relationships and that you are wanting to break this pattern. You seem to have some good insight into the situation.The type of behavior that you are describing is usually rooted in childhood issues with insecure attachment bonds with your caregivers, childhood trauma and/or abuse or neglect, or dysfunctional family issues that did not allow you to develop healthy boundaries for yourself or a sense of self. This is something that is going to take some time to work through in therapy. I recommend a book titled “Boundaries: Where you end and I begin” by Anne Katherine. Another book that might be helpful is “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie. In the meantime, until you can work through your personal issues, absolutely do not enter into another relationship. Take however long you need to and work on becoming a whole, happy, emotionally healthy person on your own. Needing another person to define you is problematic. That’s too much to expect from any individual.For a relationship to be healthy and happy, both people in the relationship first need to be a whole person on their own. That means having a clear sense of self, knowing who you are and what you want, knowing how to set healthy boundaries, and knowing how to meet your own needs. It is unreasonable to expect your partner to meet all of your needs all of the time. There will be times that they won’t be able to meet your needs. You have to know how to meet those yourself. When you are working on becoming the best you that you can be, eventually the right person will come into your life. Then you can CHOOSE to be with someone because you want them in your life instead of feeling like you NEED them to complete you.


Input: How do I break an unhealthy relationship pattern?

Instruction:
I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it.
 I seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally abuse me and I am at their beck and call.
 I am not comfortable being alone or doing anything by myself. I feel I need the security of someone being around just to survive. I know what I'm doing wrong and I do it anyway just hoping things will change. How do I stop this behavior and thought process?

Output: Good for you on your keen awareness of your difficulties and your willingness to change!The type of change you'd like to achieve is possible, and since a change in self-confidence and self-love is deep rooted, this comes about gradually and slowly.Keep understanding yourself during your moments of doubt and anxiety.  Its fine to feel terrible and certainly better to know you feel insecure than to act upon the insecurity by being with men who take advantage of you.Everyone needs to feel loved and recognized.Until you attract a partner who will love and appreciate you, develop relationships with co-workers and classmates, neighbors, so that you have some quality of giving and being given by someone.It is a way to nurture yourself and another person until your strength and self-belief grow bigger.


Input: How do I break an unhealthy relationship pattern?

Instruction:
I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it.
 I seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally abuse me and I am at their beck and call.
 I am not comfortable being alone or doing anything by myself. I feel I need the security of someone being around just to survive. I know what I'm doing wrong and I do it anyway just hoping things will change. How do I stop this behavior and thought process?

Output: Here are some things I'm wondering:Do you have close friends that you can talk to, trust, and who can be around sometimes when you're in between relationships?What do you like about yourself? What are your strongest points?Do you think you have been in relationships with controlling than in the past because it makes you feel as though you are worth something to them?What kind of relationship you want to be in?What are the top three or four attributes of the type of partner you want?What can you do to make yourself emotionally safe during your typical daily activities?Can you notice a list of things that you can control throughout a typical day? For example, you probably choose what to wear, what to eat, how to talk to others, how committed you are to school or work, etc.It also sounds as if it may be helpful to discover more about yourself in addition to what you look for in a partner.As far as emotional abuse, it may be useful to develop communication skills that you could use prior to their relationship progressing to the point that it is emotional abuse.Thank you for reaching out to ask questions. If the questions that I've asked here are difficult for you to answer or are overwhelming, talking with a local therapist would probably be something I would suggest.


Input: Should I give him another chance?

Instruction: After my fiancé cheated on me because of a miscommunication, I pulled myself away from him.    Now he says all he wants is be with me. I'm pushing him away mentally now because he cheated on me again. I make plans with him that I don't keep. I really do love him still and I care about him. Should I give home one more chance?

Output: People don't cheat bc of miscommunication.   People cheat bc they feel diminished regard for their partner.You pulling away doesn't explain his behavior.If the two of you still were a couple at the time he cheated on you, then there were many alternatives he cold have taken besides disrespecting you.Try to understand whether you are satisfied and happy in the relationship.  Your actions sound as though you are not either of these.Whether or not you decide to be together again many depend too on if the trust you had in him is restored.  Do you feel you can trust him again?If the two of discuss your relationship then if you don't trust him right now and the both of you talk about your dynamics, then tell him about your feelings.Trust is foundational to feeling safe and happy in a relationship.


Input: Why did my sister not defend me when my ex-husband said bad things about me?

Instruction: I recently went through a divorce. My ex-husband called my sister saying bad things about me. My sister never defended me. Now that I showed the truth, she's shutting me up and saying she doesn't care about the fight. Why didn't she convey that to him from the beginning?

Output: Sorry for so much emotional pain from the combination of the divorce and your sister not supporting you in the way you wish.When you feel ready and if you feel this would help, then consider to talk to your sister from perspective to improve the relationship the two of you have.Since the ex is gone and the sister is an ongoing person in your life, this particular incident is only one in many which the two of you will have with each other.The disappointment you feel now as to how she handled herself, is a point to bring up to her for the sake of clarifying the type of relationship you each would like to build with each other.As to your specific question as to why she did what she did, she is the only person who has the answer.Start with finding out if she wants to improve the relationship altogether.   Then you can use her lack of support with the ex, as an example of how meaningful her support of you is to you.


Input: Why did my sister not defend me when my ex-husband said bad things about me?

Instruction: I recently went through a divorce. My ex-husband called my sister saying bad things about me. My sister never defended me. Now that I showed the truth, she's shutting me up and saying she doesn't care about the fight. Why didn't she convey that to him from the beginning?

Output: Unfortunately, I can't tell you what your sister was feeling or why she reacted that way.I can say that divorces can be difficult or confusing for everyone involved. While the divorce is most impactful for the couple going through it, the divorce itself also changes extended family dynamics. Also, a lot of people don't act the same way around extended family (or other people) as they do at home behind closed doors, so there are times when divorce is a real shock to everyone who was not directly involved in it.I wonder if you are at a place where you can shift your focus into looking at your relationship with your sister, how she is treating you, how you feel around her now, etc. I do not know how close you were before all of this and how close you feel now, but perhaps if you can assess your overall relationship, you could find a time when you could ask about this (why she didn't convey that to him from the beginning) in a way that is calm, not defensive, and is honestly looking for an answer from your sister, not looking to defend yourself at that moment. If that conversation can happen, it may be quite a difficult one, so it may be good to have something to think of to remind yourself that you are trying to gather information from her and him that conversation, it's not about you, but is about where she was coming from. After you think you understand that (I'm saying that you understand where she's coming from, not that you agree with what she's saying), you could see if she's willing to listen to how you feel about it.


Input: How can I get my ex-girlfriend back?

Instruction: She said she needed space after three days of dating, and she got a boyfriend a week later. I still really miss her, and she told me she still likes me.

Output: Given the short amount of time you know this girlfriend, there is no history on which to make a judgment about the likelihood of what she will do next.Certainly she is confusing by telling you she likes you and is with someone new.  And not giving you any explanation as to why she made her decision.I'd suggest two possibilities.Speak with her and ask her if she considers opening your relationship with her.Or, simply wait and see what she does when you contact her in a friendly way.Pay attention to your own satisfaction level.If you get more answers from her which aren't agreeable with you, then it is time to put the hope for this relationship behind you.Then you'll have clear space to find someone who is as interested in you as you are in them!


Input: How can I get my ex-girlfriend back?

Instruction: She said she needed space after three days of dating, and she got a boyfriend a week later. I still really miss her, and she told me she still likes me.

Output: It sounds as if your ex-girlfriend is trying to figure out what type of relationship she is looking to have with you. There are lots of levels of relationships, from a basic acquaintance, to a more friendly acquaintance, to a friend, close friend, best friend, early romantic partner, committed romantic partner, and many more.If she is willing to have a conversation with you about her feelings, it may be helpful to have her explain her feelings to you while listening as an investigative reporter and asking questions that cannot be answered with yes or no, but are what are called open-ended questions, which ask her to provide more information. During this process, it would be helpful for you to try to think of it as not being personal, but just listening and trying to understand the experience from her perspective. After you have done this for five minutes (it's a rough estimate, but basically until you can restate what she is saying and she says you have it right), you can switch so she is asking you questions about how you are feeling. The goal is not necessarily to change the outcome, but to learn more about yourselves and each other.Then you may have an idea of where you stand in each other's eyes.


Input: How do I get my ex-girlfriend back?

Instruction: My ex-girlfriend says she's bored and wants to experience life single. I treated her really badly and caused meaningless fights when she didn't do anything, I feel remorseful, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get her back. She's unhappy. When I called her, she was crying and said she will text me when she's ready.

Output: Were you happy with the ways she satisfied you?A relationship is happiest if each partner concentrates on the happiness of the other.Strange for someone who was treated badly to describe themselves as bored, rather than say they feel hurt.Is it possible you are being self-critical about your behaviors toward your ex girlfriend? Either she is unaware of her feelings or not being fully truthful with you about her feeling badly treated.Since she's putting up a barrier to communicating with you, better for you to respect this than contact her by phone again.Consider in a few weeks, so each of you has time to think over your happiness with the other person, to write her an email which states your interest to re-open the relationship.Who knows, you may even decide by the end of a few weeks, that you're fine without this particular relationship.Depending on her response to your email, you'll know whether and how much chance there is for the relationship to clear up the problems of the past and to continue.


Input: How can I deal with a break up?

Instruction: My fiancé and I broke up. He cheated on me numerous times. I kept forgiving but questioning his every move. He got tired and left.

Output: Cheating on you shows a lack of commitment, in addition to the emotional hurt it creates.Probably you didn't actually forgive him because if you did, then you wouldn't have been asking questions of his every move.Maybe you were open to forgiving him.   In order for forgiveness to be effective, the person who has done the injuring must first show some understanding and empathy for the great pain the person caused in you.From what you write, your fiancé didn't seem to have much interest in earning back your trust or in empathizing with the way his cheating effected you.It is very likely his tiredness is also tiredness you feel, of having to watch him all the time.As uncomfortable as adjusting with the disappointment of him leaving you, the situation you describe sounds like it was unsatisfying for both of you.


Input: How can I deal with a break up?

Instruction: My fiancé and I broke up. He cheated on me numerous times. I kept forgiving but questioning his every move. He got tired and left.

Output: if he as cheated on you multiple times it is not healthy for you to continue seeing him.  However It takes time to heal your pain. You are not a robot that can just switch off your emotions.  Please surround yourself with people who can support and empower you.


Input: How can I deal with a break up?

Instruction: My fiancé and I broke up. He cheated on me numerous times. I kept forgiving but questioning his every move. He got tired and left.

Output: There is a grieving process after losing a relationship (or any other major loss, such as a job, a house, etc.). One of the things to consider is give yourself a chance to go through the tasks of mourning:To accept the reality of the lossTo process the pain of griefTo adjust to a world without the person who has just leftTo find an enduring connection with that person in the midst of embarking on a new life. This could mean a lot of things, but it could be holding certain memories as your own.You may also find things that make you feel happy or comfortable. It's also helpful to have people who you can talk to about your feelings and people who may be able to recognize things about you that you cannot see right now (such as how you are honest, committed to your work, a good listener, etc.).This takes some time. Try to be gentle with yourself.


Input: How can I find out I'm being cheated on?

Instruction: I was in a relationship with a woman for four years. We both made mistakes, but I do love her.    She has moved in with another lady. I think she is just cheating on me to make me miss her. How can I find out for sure?

Output: Has your former partner made any efforts to be in contact with you in order to restart your relationship?From what you describe, your former partner is in a new relationship.It is possible that since you love her and would like to be together again, that you are misinterpreting your former partner's actions.If you'd like to have more certainty as to wether your former partner is cheating or whether she is happy to be with the new partner, is to contact her and ask her your question.A better road may be to accept your sad feelings that she is with someone else.Since she was meaningful to you, respect the sadness you feel and that the relationship didn't continue as you wished.