Input: How can I get people to listen?

Instruction:
I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
 I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust.

Output: One of the most difficult challenges we face is not being heard! It is incredibly frustrating and hurtful when others, especially parents, do not listen. While your parents surely love you and want to understand you, it may be difficult for them to fully understand your feelings and experiences. They are quite a bit older and have likely not dealt with some of the struggles that you face. I would suggest communicating your feelings to them about not being heard. Talk to them during a non-emotional moment when the discussion is not already heated. In other words, do not wait until an argument ensues to have an open discussion with them about how you are feeling. Prepare them by asking them what time is good for them to talk. Let them know you have something important to get off your chest. Try and avoid using exaggerated or extreme language such as "you NEVER listen," "you ALWAYS say..." and stray away from placing blame. Instead of beginning your statements with "you" try using "I" by letting them know how their behavior effects you. Finally, let them know that they are important to you and that having their trust and support would mean a lot to you. Perhaps giving them suggestions as to what you wish for and would like to see change would help them to better understand.I would also suggest that you seek guidance from a therapist, teacher, or school counselor if possible. Most schools have counseling resources on sight in which a trained professional is available to talk with students looking for help.Best of luck to you.


Input: How can I get people to listen?

Instruction:
I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
 I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust.

Output: First, thank you for sharing such deep personal information. It can be difficult to share such intimate information. To begin, it sounds likes your primary concern your desire to speak to someone who takes your mental health seriously. You've tried talking to your parents and your friends and neither have made that connection in the area you need. I'm sorry to hear that. it's unfortunate. However, I think a couple things can be done to try to address this. If you want support1) Parents- Sit down with one of them and tell them with all seriousness that you need to talk about something that is affecting you deeply. Perhaps speaking to both can be too much for one room. If you try to speak to mom or dad by themselves, it may create that intimate atmosphere needed to understand where you are coming from. 2) Friends: Like parents it can be difficult to speak to your friends about challenges with your mental health. When you're feeling down and anxious, friends can be great help or not their at all. With friends, it may be one of those things where you also need to create an intimate environment with one friend to speak to about your sadness and anxiety. If anything, speak to the fact you're hurt and help them understand that if they can't understand the depressionIf you don't want support Coping Strategies: Identify coping skills and strategy that help you when you're feeling down. Ideas:A.) JournalingB) PaintingC) ExerciseD) MusicE) Reading AffirmationF) Listening To Motivation Videos


Input: How can I get people to listen?

Instruction:
I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
 I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust.

Output: Teenage years are rough for anyone, and this is a time for self-discovery and experimentation. Having older parents can certainly pose challenges. Most kids feel like their parents don't understand them, but yours are older than the average parents of teenagers. They're from a completely different generation than you are. It sounds like they love you, but may not understand you. The problem here is the generation/age gap, and there's not a whole lot you can do about that. What you can do is accept the situation and perhaps look at it a little differently. It seems like you're looking for affirmation from them, looking for their approval and understanding. It's never a good idea to look to others to define who you are or to get a self-esteem boost. Who you are and how you feel about yourself needs to come from inside, not from outside. One way you can have a better relationship with your parents is to stop looking at all the things you aren't getting from them that you want, and rather look at all the things you are getting from them. Yes, this is a glass half full or half empty point of view, but it works. The negative will overshadow the positive if you let it. Start looking for the good things in your relationship with your parents and your feelings towards them will become more positive.I'm not sure how your friends/peers made you feel like your childhood has been taken from you. That's a curious statement, and requires a deeper conversation to understand where that came from. However, I do understand feeling different and out of place, especially in high school. Find the strength within yourself rather than looking to others in your life to make you feel better or feel like a complete person. It helps to have friends and loved ones, but you can never rely on them to fulfill all of your needs. Set some goals for your future, work towards them. Focus on being the best YOU that you can be, and the right people will enter your life at the right time.


Input: How can I get people to listen?

Instruction:
I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
 I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust.

Output: Hi there. Being 15 years old can be a very difficult time in your teenage life. I remember when I was 15 and how I often felt my parents weren’t listening to me. It’s even more difficult when you feel that you do not have a friend that you can confide in. Having depression in the past and being able to get through it shows me that you can get through anything! Depression alone is a very difficult problem to work through. In addition to the communication problem with your parents, it appears that you are also struggling with stress and anxiety. We all have stress and anxiety in our lives. If we didn’t, none of us would be living. Anxiety & stress keep us on our toes! Often, I have to remind myself of this as well. However, it is how we manage stress and anxiety, so it will not overcome our lives. Are you familiar with relaxation techniques, such as: deep breathing exercises, meditation or yoga? Relaxation Techniques can help you tremendously in reducing your stress and anxiety. Deep breathing exercises are helpful when you are on the go, such as school, shopping, out with friends or whatever extracurricular activities you engage in. Most people do not take full advantage of their lung capacity. I know, that sounds silly. But, it’s true. You would be surprised how much air you lungs can hold. Imagine being in the Doctor’s office and taking deep breaths. This is what you want to do when you are feeling overwhelmed and/or stressed. Take a moment to take in at least 10 deep breaths and let them out slowly. You will be surprised how well you feel afterwards. Meditation and Yoga are also healthy forms to working through stress and anxiety. You will need a quiet place for your meditation. You want to be “in the moment” and take in the peace and serenity. All it takes is a quiet place, closing your eyes and thinking of your “happy place.” Some people use meditation music as well. If you have access to this type of music and or the internet for more ways to practice meditation, please go for it! Yoga on the other hand will take a little more work and practice. I would not suggest you learning this on your own, if you have never attempted yoga before. Find an experienced Yoga instructor to teach you the ropes and/or ask your school counselor about the possibility of getting someone to come to the school to teach the students. Lastly, in regards to your parents it is very important to be able to have a relationship where you feel comfortable communicating. I would recommend writing a letter to them, if you are unable to express how you feel in person. A letter is more intimate and requires a little more effort on their end. If they are open on working on this relationship, maybe suggest family counseling to fully work on this issue. I hope this was helpful for you and I wish you the best!


Input: How can I get counseling if my primary care physician won't help?

Instruction: I suffer from adult ADHD, anxiety disorder, and depression. It has been difficult to find a doctor in my area and my primary physician won't help. I am unemployed and overwhelmed. What would you suggest I do?

Output: Telehealth has become very popular during the pandemic. One of the benefits of telehealth, is that you can see a therapist who may not be in your area at all (although depending on where you reside, they likely just need to be licensed in the state where you reside). Telehealth offers access to a much larger pool of mental health providers. Some therapists offer sliding scale fees (a reduced fee) for those who are unable to pay full rate.


Input: How can I get counseling if my primary care physician won't help?

Instruction: I suffer from adult ADHD, anxiety disorder, and depression. It has been difficult to find a doctor in my area and my primary physician won't help. I am unemployed and overwhelmed. What would you suggest I do?

Output: My first question is what insurance do you have?  Sometimes counselors can create a "superbill" for clients who are out-of-network, basically creating a receipt for services that the insurance company will then reimburse.  Or maybe you could call your insurance company to see who would be in-network for you as well.  If you don't have insurance, there are many counselors who consider probono work for those that have extenuating circumstances, or reduced-cost sessions based on your needs.  Other options could be connecting with organizations in your area that support mental health needs.  They may have resources you are unaware of, or may be able to point you toward funding (though that's not always the case).  Not sure if a group is the right setting for you, but support groups online may be beneficial just to maybe feel like you aren't alone.  These are typically free and pretty popular right now due to COVID.Either way, I'm really sorry you have to deal with all that without the help you need.  Keep searching and definitely don't give up hope.


Input: How can I get counseling if my primary care physician won't help?

Instruction: I suffer from adult ADHD, anxiety disorder, and depression. It has been difficult to find a doctor in my area and my primary physician won't help. I am unemployed and overwhelmed. What would you suggest I do?

Output: If it is simply counseling that you seek, any number of faith-based outfits are very willing to listen and help out with these sorts of matters, free of charge :)Online messaging and social media is a secondary option, however this one may come with privacy concerns and consequences;If it were I, I would attempt to sweet-talk one or two counselors I come across to do a bit of work for folks who can't afford it :)


Input: How can I get counseling if my primary care physician won't help?

Instruction: I suffer from adult ADHD, anxiety disorder, and depression. It has been difficult to find a doctor in my area and my primary physician won't help. I am unemployed and overwhelmed. What would you suggest I do?

Output: Look up online what the local hospital offers to people.  Also, google some of the key words you just wrote here, like depression and counseling, low-cost counseling.Did your primary physician tell you their reason to not help you?  If not, then ask the person to tell you their reasoning.  Even if the specific doctor won't help you, by understanding their reason, you may be able to work with the answer you hear.


Input: How can I get counseling if my primary care physician won't help?

Instruction: I suffer from adult ADHD, anxiety disorder, and depression. It has been difficult to find a doctor in my area and my primary physician won't help. I am unemployed and overwhelmed. What would you suggest I do?

Output: I would check out agencies that offer affordable counseling based on your income or very low cost counseling sessions, i.e., Pacific Clinics, Hathaway Sycamore, Pasadena Mental Health Center, Burbank Family Center. If you google affordable or low cost therapy in your particular area you will find resources to help you.


Input: I don't believe in myself anymore

Instruction: I was married to a narcissist sociopath for 10 years. During that time I was a general manager. I used to help him financially and in other ways when we were together. But things began to change. He emotionally and sexually drained me. I lost my spirit. I used to be a very happy person but now I am a loner. I left him and moved to another state. Currently, I'm working as a server which makes me believe less in myself. I feel pity for myself a lot but don't know what to do. When I have money problems, he does not help me. He actually enjoys seeing me have a hard time in my life. I need help.

Output: Congratulations on leaving your marriage!It is ok and natural to feel sadness, loss, uncertainty in direction, hurt, resulting from ending the marriage.Possibly what you consider "pity" is a combination of these feelings.Be kind and caring toward who you are since you just put yourself through a major separation and need time to clear out the old emotions that connected you to your ex.There is very, very little chance of him helping you since he lacks compassion and empathy.More likely any help he gave would be in order to manipulate you.Maybe for now your server job is ok do you have more time to concentrate on taking care of your emotions.You were a manager once, you can be a manager again when you feel ready for doing so.Good luck!


Input: If I am trying to stop self-harming and I seek help, will I need to be put in an inpatient setting?

Instruction: I have bipolar disorder, paranoid personality disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I last self-harmed a week ago. When I am stressed, overwhelmed, hurt, or angry, the urge to self-harm is all I can think of. I am trying to seek help.

Output: Glad you are reaching out here!There are two types of self-harm: suicidal and non-suicidal.  A lot of people I see and have seen engage in self-harm just to manage emotional dysregulation, but not to end their lives.  Self-injury actually does a great job at helping us to manage really intense emotional states--even from a chemical level in the body.  When you self-harm, it's triggers your body's endorphin production, which is a chemical that makes us feel good.  I'm not saying you should do it, but I understand why you would choose that option because it is pretty powerful.To answer your question, I've never heard of anyone being admitted into inpatient for trying to stop non-suicidal self-injuring.  Even some people I've worked with that are suicidal and self-harming have remained outpatient given we have an extensive safety plan, including how to reach out for help and coping skill development.  Unless you are at high risk of suicide, you would most likely be outpatient.  I also work from a harm reduction model, meaning that if you have to self-harm it might as well be as safe as possible.  When people are trying to stop, sometimes the pressure gets in the way and they relapse (very normal and actually expected).  So we prepare for that by discussing measures to take to make sure the method you use is very safe.  Things here include making sure anything piercing the skin is properly disinfected, areas on the body to avoid cutting, and self-harm alternatives that still cause pain but are much safer.  For example, some people hold ice in the palm of their hands, or snap rubber bands on their wrists.  There are many websites that have safer alternatives as well if you just do a quick google search.  Have patience with yourself here, too.  You've found a way to manage a whole lot of emotions--and it's worked for you--you did that by yourself!  You also want better for yourself and have made the first steps for change and that's really spectacular.  It'll be similar to quitting any habit, so stick in there.  And if you find a counselor that fits for you, even better!  I wish you so much luck!


Input: If I am trying to stop self-harming and I seek help, will I need to be put in an inpatient setting?

Instruction: I have bipolar disorder, paranoid personality disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I last self-harmed a week ago. When I am stressed, overwhelmed, hurt, or angry, the urge to self-harm is all I can think of. I am trying to seek help.

Output: Seeking professional help does not mean that you will necessarily be admitted into an inpatient setting - though  to be honest, that can become an option if you feel unsafe or if you are unable to plan for safety. However, many clients who struggle with self-harm can find help in outpatient settings - particularly those which offer a treatment called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Looking for a DBT professional or group therapy setting may be particularly helpful, but a skilled professional can help you to figure out how to identify other options even when you are experiencing overwhelming emotions. Without knowing your location, I also recommend searching to find your local helpline or suicide prevention hotline. The volunteers on the other end of the line can be very helpful even if your intention is not suicide and they are likely also to be able to connect you with resources in your area. Calling into the helpline may also be a first step alternative to self-harming when you're feeling overwhelmed.


Input: If I am trying to stop self-harming and I seek help, will I need to be put in an inpatient setting?

Instruction: I have bipolar disorder, paranoid personality disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I last self-harmed a week ago. When I am stressed, overwhelmed, hurt, or angry, the urge to self-harm is all I can think of. I am trying to seek help.

Output: I wonder if you really are the long list of descriptions you wrote here.Usually people with personality disorder and people who have bi polar disorder, are not self-aware and do not anticipate their actions the way you write.One possibility is to find a second opinion as to whether you have been overdiagnosed or misdiagnosed.  This happens a lot, especially in clinics which make money from prescription drugs and creating dependencies on these prescription drugs.Yes, follow your intuition and ask for help.  Just try to find a place which may see you in a different light than someone with a long list of diagnoses.


Input: Why do I feel sad all the time?

Instruction: I just feel sad all the time and I don't like anyone in my family. I feel like they're trying to control me and won't let me grow.

Output: Hello,While one can be sad from time to time, feeling sad "all the time" could be a sign of depression. If you feel sad on most days, it is worthwhile speaking to a psychologist to determine whether you suffer clinical depression. Feeling sadness is a normal response to loss, whether you lose a family, friend, job, or something you deem important in your life. However, feeling sadness all the time is a signal that you are not happy about something in your life. If it is related to your family and often relationship with family members could affect our self-esteem and self-worth, then perhaps it is worthwhile exploring what you find unhappy about your relationship with your family. Is it that you do not feel heard, supported or loved? Is it that you feel disrespected, disregarded or feel unimportant? These are just a few examples of common issues that people report that contribute to their depression. To help you to uncover your reasons for your sadness or depression and to cope with them in a healthier and more constructive way, it may be helpful to contact a therapist who could support you with this process. You do not have to deal with it alone. Dr. Virginia Chow, Montreal Psychologist. For more information about depression, please consult my website at www.PsychologyResource.ca


Input: Why do I feel sad all the time?

Instruction: I just feel sad all the time and I don't like anyone in my family. I feel like they're trying to control me and won't let me grow.

Output: Understandably the idea of someone who tries to control you, is good reason to feel sad.Your feelings sound like they are very strong and meaningful in your life.Keep in mind that your feelings about others has more to do with one's own self-view than with what the other person is actually doing.Unless the people in your family are actually interrupting and impeding your life in practical ways or by intimidation or other verbal ways to inhibit you, then there is a great chance your feelings of being controlled by other family members has more to do with your fears to be who you are than with any family members' actions.


Input: Is it possible that I have depression?

Instruction: I'm starting to think that I might have depression. The thing is though, I'm not exactly sad. I can joke with my friends and stuff, but I've stopped caring about my work, and I've been starting to think that life is pointless. I really have no clue if I need help, or if I'm just tired or something.

Output: Depression isn't something someone "has", it is a dark mood and lack of satisfaction with the way the current life is structured.If you think of depression as motivation to look for new ways to understand yourself, find ways which are more satisfying in your work and relationships, then depression is a charm.The typical attitude most people have when they think of the word "depression", is that their life will collapse and decline, they'll need to take drugs, and feel hopeless.If you take a different approach and work with your depression as a signal to change some major area or one or two minor areas, then you will engage yourself in creating a better life for yourself!


Input: Is it possible that I have depression?

Instruction: I'm starting to think that I might have depression. The thing is though, I'm not exactly sad. I can joke with my friends and stuff, but I've stopped caring about my work, and I've been starting to think that life is pointless. I really have no clue if I need help, or if I'm just tired or something.

Output: It is possible that you have depression, but you could also be experiencing some other changes that mean that you have feelings of being sad without actually being depressed. Your statement makes it sound like you've stopped caring about your work, but you're still going to work and doing your work. It almost sounds like you are dissatisfied with your work. Do you like what you do? When you said that life is pointless, what makes it that way? What is keeping you going? Is there something you can do each day that you can find meaning in?You mentioned that you are not sure if you need help or are just tired. It sounds like you could certainly benefit from talking with someone about more specifics.I'm curious about how long you have felt this way and if you are aware of anything that is contributing to it.


Input: How can I get over my posttraumatic stress disorder without my parents knowing about it?

Instruction: I've had posttraumatic stress disorder for years without my parents ever finding out. I want to overcome it, but it’s so vivid, it’s like it’s happening again. I'm scared and paranoid. I have depression, which I have been struggling with since a young age.

Output: Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a very complex issue.  It is the root cause of many other issues including depression, anxiety and anger to name a few.  Re-experiencing the event is a telltale symptom of PTSD.  One of the best things you can do for yourself is to find someone who specializes in this area to help you work through the symptoms associated with this disorder as well as directly addressing the event/events that initially caused the symptoms.  There are various treatment methods available to helping professionals that are successful in treating this disorder.  In the meantime there is a book called "The Body Keeps the Score", it is informative and may be helpful for you on your journey.  It is my hope that you are not dealing with this alone.   Best wishes!


Input: How can I get over my posttraumatic stress disorder without my parents knowing about it?

Instruction: I've had posttraumatic stress disorder for years without my parents ever finding out. I want to overcome it, but it’s so vivid, it’s like it’s happening again. I'm scared and paranoid. I have depression, which I have been struggling with since a young age.

Output:
I understand that at times it’s difficult to share with our parents what we have been trough, due to fear of judgment or punishment; but I have noticed that keeping our experiences secret, intensifies them.  And Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can haunt us for a long time if we do not learn to process the memories that cause those symptoms.  If you have been victim of a traumatic event that you are not prepared to share with your parents, it’s important that you seek help with a counselor, therapist or psychologist.  Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a great technique to cope with physical symptoms, you could also use Narrative therapy, Creative Therapy or Journaling as a way to express memories and process them with your therapist.  A psychiatrist can also prescribe medication to manage the symptoms, but is very important that you address the trauma so you can heal and go back to live your life.   Many organizations like the United Way (2-1-1 in many states) offer resources and referrals to put you in touch with mental health providers, you could also talk to your school counselor, doctor or church to find referral that could help. Tip: You don’t have to tell you story to each person you ask for help, you can just start by asking for a counselor referral. ¿Cómo puedo superar el Desorden de Estrés Post Traumático sin que mis padres se enteren?Comprendo que muchas veces puede ser difícil compartir nuestras experiencias con nuestros padres, muchas veces por miedo a que nos juzguen o castiguen; pero he observado cómo mantener un secreto, lo vuelve más fuerte y difícil de manejar.   El Desorden de Estrés Post Traumático puede ser una condición que nos persigue por mucho tiempo si no aprendemos a procesar las memorias que causan esos síntomas.  Si has sido víctima de un trauma que tal vez no estás listo(a) para compartir con tus padres, es importante que busques la ayuda de algún consejero profesional, terapista o sicólogo.  La Terapia Cognitiva Conductual enfocada en el Trauma, es una técnica que te ayudara a manejar muchos de los síntomas, también puedes utilizar diarios o Terapia Narrativa o creativa, para expresar memorias y procesarlas luego en terapia.  Un Psiquiatra también te puede proveer medicamentos que ayudan a manejar los síntomas del Estrés Post Traumático, pero es importante que atiendas el problema inicial para poder sanar por completo y volver a tomar las riendas de tu vida.   Muchas organizaciones como los Fondos Unidos (2-1-1 en muchos estados) tiene recursos que proveen referidos a consejeros o profesionales de la salud mental.  También puedes preguntarle a tu consejero escolar, doctor o en la iglesia.
Sugerencia: No tienes que contarle a todos tu problema, solo pide que te recomienden a un consejero o terapista.


Input: How can I get over my posttraumatic stress disorder without my parents knowing about it?

Instruction: I've had posttraumatic stress disorder for years without my parents ever finding out. I want to overcome it, but it’s so vivid, it’s like it’s happening again. I'm scared and paranoid. I have depression, which I have been struggling with since a young age.

Output: What is the reason you wouldn't want your parents to know you are trying to find your way through PTSD?Would they believe that you've been traumatized?And, do you feel that your parents had a hand in creating your trauma?There is no need to tell your parents you have PTSD unless you feel that doing so will help you.   Maybe you intuitively realize that they don't want to understand or know about this.How did you come to the conclusion that you have PTSD?If you are working with a therapist, and a minor, then  the laws of your State dictate what information your parents can ask your therapist about you.If you are a grown person and working with a therapist,  you have complete legally protected privacy of what you talk about with your therapist.In any case, a good starting point is to know exactly your own reason for wishing to keep your psychological situation hidden from your parents.


Input: How can I get over my posttraumatic stress disorder without my parents knowing about it?

Instruction: I've had posttraumatic stress disorder for years without my parents ever finding out. I want to overcome it, but it’s so vivid, it’s like it’s happening again. I'm scared and paranoid. I have depression, which I have been struggling with since a young age.

Output: Unfortunately, ptsd is not something that can be cured.  Ptsd can be managed through therapy.  Mindfulness can assist in redirecting thoughts and gaining further control over paranoia. Therapy is confidential and there are different ways you can obtain treatment.  Mental health professional have availability to provide therapy online,  on the phone or in person.


Input: How can I manage my anxiety?

Instruction: I have twin toddlers. I experienced a death of loved one prior to giving birth. I had a horrible break up with the father. People told him he was using me for money. My ex-boyfriend had extreme meltdowns every day for three years. I’m always alone with no friends.

Output: Seems like you've really been through the ringer without much of a break.  Just reading through the details you put in the question, I hear a couple things.  One is that you seem like a helper.  That's not bad at all, though other people taking advantage of your nurturing qualities and not giving that back to yourself can really zap your energy.  Seems like you were the one that had to take care of your ex for a very long time.  Think about what that takes--a lot of patience, great emotional awareness, flexibility to adjust to needs and change plans, etc.  What that also means is that you probably had to focus so heavily on him that you weren't able to give any of that attention to yourself.  The great part is that it doesn't look a whole lot different when you give that to you vs someone else.  Self-love and self-care is a really important piece of managing anxiety (and depression), as you learned with your ex.The other thing I noticed is that it sounds like you maybe tend to people-please.  This is common with people that are helpers--they are almost a package deal. People-pleasing is really about abandonment.  It's derived from a fear that if you aren't exactly what people need, they may have negative feelings toward you and ultimately abandon or reject you.  May also stem from a need for peace if you grew up in a chaotic home (common with kiddos from domestic violence backgrounds), though that usually has some type of connection to abandonment as well.As far as anxiety management goes, there's so much you can do.  It's hard to say what will work specifically for you, but first thing that might help is to understand your triggers.  What gives you anxiety?  Is it general and seems to come out of nowhere?  Or does it buildup and get worse at a certain time of day?  I find that many people who have unresolved grief and depression tend to cycle through those symptoms and anxiety because there's so much stress and pressure involved in the cluster of issues that those circumstances tend to bring.  Sorting those things out can be tough---if you need help from a friend or counselor, it's never too late to reach out.  It doesn't matter if it happened last week or 10 years ago.  If it matters to you, it's relevant.I hope some of this helps and you are able to find someone in your life to lean on.  You aren't meant to be alone!


Input: How can I manage my anxiety?

Instruction: I have twin toddlers. I experienced a death of loved one prior to giving birth. I had a horrible break up with the father. People told him he was using me for money. My ex-boyfriend had extreme meltdowns every day for three years. I’m always alone with no friends.

Output: First, let me say that you are a survivor and a warrior. Managing 1 child by yourself is difficult, but twins is a whole different ballgame. Anxiety can affect us at any time anywhere. This is the challenge, especially when we have so many things to manage each day. There are several methods and practices that help manage and even reduce symptoms of anxiety. It will depend on what works best for you. Talk with friends, a counselor, or a loved one who can offer you support and feedback as you navigate this process of learning what works for you. When all else fails; make sure you are in a safe place, pause for a deep, cleansing breath in, a long exhale out, and ask yourself, "What do I want in this moment?" Now you can begin again.


Input: How can I cope with depression?

Instruction: In the last ten months, I've been kicked out, moved around three times, worked many jobs, stopped school to make money, had dad and mom get sick, was cheated on while pregnant, lost my baby, had relationship issues, and was betrayed. I can't get a job. I have no friends. I feel lonely and isolated. I've been dealing with all this by myself.

Output: Good for you to realize your strength to identify this long list of difficulties and recognize the difference between these pressured events and who you truly are.Self-care is the overall way to stabilize from so much upheaval and stress. Whatever is your favorite way to rest and relax, would be a beneficial way to regain your emotional and physical strength.Usually upsetting incidents are necessary so we place ourselves on a new track in life.  They are not meant to harm you, so much as to nudge you to invest your life with different activities and people.


Input: How can I cope with depression?

Instruction: In the last ten months, I've been kicked out, moved around three times, worked many jobs, stopped school to make money, had dad and mom get sick, was cheated on while pregnant, lost my baby, had relationship issues, and was betrayed. I can't get a job. I have no friends. I feel lonely and isolated. I've been dealing with all this by myself.

Output: One thing that may help is to focus on small things that you do have control over. If you can hold onto that sense of having control over what you wear or what you choose to eat or where you go during the day, this may help you be able to look at what is currently most important for you and consider different choices. For example, you say you can't get a job, but I wonder if you could work with and local agencies to help you find a job, like Career Link. You say you have no friends currently. Are there any previous friends that you can get back in contact with?You mentioned that you have no friends. Is there anyone in your life that you can talk with, even if it's not someone that you consider a closest friend?


Input: How can I tell If I have depression?

Instruction: I don't know if I have depression, but I have been very sad. There are nights that I don't sleep. I don't eat all day sometimes, I don't have energy to anything anymore.

Output: These. symptoms are all classic to the diagnosis of depression.A diagnosis itself doesn't help anyone get better.  Often people say the word "depression" as though it means something terrible.   The diagnosis of depression can be depressing.Forget matching symptoms with a diagnosis.More important to improvement is to know the reason for your sadness.  When people become sad there is a reason for it and knowing this reason is the first step to changing the situation which creates the sadness in you.Think of depression as a way to slow down and examine aspects of your life and relationships.  If you continue at the same pace of living and didn't stop and examine your life, then you may not notice what needs changing.


Input: How can I manage my anxiety and depression so I can feel normal again?

Instruction: My motivation has gone away. It's hard to get out of bed. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm miserable. My anxiety and depression have taken over my life.

Output: Anxiety and Depression are challenging experiences to live with and to manage on a daily basis. I would say that both are challenges to overcome but solutions to living healthy and well exist. Step 1: Talk about it. With friends, family, partners, counselors, and other trusted people in your life. Step 2: Create a plan with a counselor to learn new skills that help you recognize and manage your symptoms. Step 3: Don't give up. Working on yourself can be difficult and hard at the beginning. Stick with it and you will be able to find exercises, tools, and resources that help you live well.


Input: How can I manage my anxiety and depression so I can feel normal again?

Instruction: My motivation has gone away. It's hard to get out of bed. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm miserable. My anxiety and depression have taken over my life.

Output: It is challenging to maintain motivation at all times, anxiety and depression can set in which can make interacting with others a  struggle, it can lead us to do things that make us not feel good and we become isolated.  This ends up feeding into a cycle that maintains the anxiety/depression loop  and can be really challenging to step out of it.  You are in a place of awareness and this is the first step in making changes that can help you feel better.  It is really one step at a time, a concrete plan, with self-compassion to build the solid ground you need to come out of this. http://www.empoweryou2.com


Input: How can I manage my anxiety and depression so I can feel normal again?

Instruction: My motivation has gone away. It's hard to get out of bed. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm miserable. My anxiety and depression have taken over my life.

Output: One of the first steps is to manage anxiety and depression symptoms are to establish a good self-care routine.  Start with the most basic things: Eating balanced meals, sleeping at from 6-8 hours and exercise at least 30 minutes a day.  These will help you to regulate the chemical imbalance that affects your mood, plus exercising gives you time to vent and be distracted from your thoughts.  Once basic self-care is established, I suggest that is a good time to start exploring the source of these feelings, and address them trough therapy.  If you have difficulty initiating self-care routine talk to your therapist about what motivates you and pushes you to do things, you might find the key during the process.  You could also contact your physician or a psychiatrist to discuss medication options if it’s too challenging to begin basic self-care.¿Cómo puedo manejar mi ansiedad y depresión para sentirme normal otra vez?Mi motivación se ha ido. Es difícil salir de la cama.  No sé qué hacer.  Soy Miserable.  Mi ansiedad y depresión han tomado el control de mi vida.Uno de los primeros pasos para manejar la ansiedad y la depresión es establecer una buena rutina de cuidado personal.  Comienza con las cosas más básicas: Comer comidas balanceadas, dormir de 6-8 horas en la noche, y ejercitarte por lo menos 30 minutos al día. Esto te ayudara a regular el desbalance químico que afecta tu estado de ánimo, además de que te da tiempo para desahogarte y distraerte.  Ya que la rutina de cuidado eta establecida, es un buen momento para comenzar a explorar la fuente de tus sentimientos negativos, y explóralos a través de terapia. Si se dificulta comenzar a crear una rutina puedes consultar con tu terapista para identificar motivaciones que te impulsen a comenzar.  También puedes contactar a tu medico primario o psiquiatra para discutir medicamentos que te pueden ayudar a manejar estos síntomas e iniciar cuidado básico.


Input: How can I manage my anxiety and depression so I can feel normal again?

Instruction: My motivation has gone away. It's hard to get out of bed. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm miserable. My anxiety and depression have taken over my life.

Output: You are so not alone in that.  There's many, many people that struggle with feeling stuck with the combination of depressive and anxious symptoms.  You are right though--it is a miserable thing to go through.The most important thing I usually start with for clients (upon learning about their particular situation) is behavioral activation, which is just a fancy name for "doing stuff".  Walking is a good place to start because it's not hard on the body and you aren't going from bed to running a marathon.  It's a way to get those feel-good chemicals flowing and to also feel like you are doing something, whether or not there's any motivation there.  Other people go with tasks, such as cleaning or organizing.  Sometimes those more productive things can make us feel good about ourselves, and doing them over and over can build up into confidence that you do have agency in your life.  Another option is participating in things you think you'd do if depression and anxiety weren't taking over your life.  We tend to believe that we have to feel a certain way to do something exciting or meaningful, but the truth is that sometimes doing things comes first and the feelings we have about them follow.  This may take a while, and it may mean combining other techniques like thought-logging (journaling about when certain thought patterns are triggered) and even medication/counseling.  It all depends on the person.  Engaging in activity may help to lower some of that anxiety also because you're energy has somewhere to be channeled through besides your nervous system.  Doing things really has a power in and of itself that teaches us what we are capable of. It's hard not to let your feelings and thoughts con you into believing you are incapable or hopeless, but that's what it is: a con.  What you choose and what works best for you may also depend on the factors of your situation.  Have you been feeling this way for a long time?  Did it come on suddenly and take over within the time-frame of a couple weeks?  Or was there a situation that triggered it all?  Those things are helpful to know because long-term depression/anxiety require a different spin on techniques than something more short-term that may benefit from processing through a difficult event or learning coping skills to push through a depressive episode.  All types can benefit from processing and learning new skills, but predicting patterns and being proactive means knowing those details.Hope this was a bit helpful!


Input: Why do I feel like I will never have a good career/amount to anything financially?

Instruction: I'm in my early 20s. I've worked since two months after I turned 18. I have “plans.” I could become an electrician, or I could operate heavy machinery. I have goals, but I do nothing to try to meet them because I don't feel I can. I just want a better life for my fiancée and the kids than I did.

Output: If you're not following the goals you gave yourself, there are two possibilities.You don't really like your goals.You self-sabotage and prevent yourself from your own strengths and accomplishments.Think through each of these.If you've set goals which aren't true to your nature, then intuitively some part of you will reject them.If you self-sabotage, get in your own way from achieving what you truly would like, then ask questions of yourself around whether you feel undeserving of success.


Input: Why do I feel like I will never have a good career/amount to anything financially?

Instruction: I'm in my early 20s. I've worked since two months after I turned 18. I have “plans.” I could become an electrician, or I could operate heavy machinery. I have goals, but I do nothing to try to meet them because I don't feel I can. I just want a better life for my fiancée and the kids than I did.

Output: For starters, commend yourself for being committed to working. You have no idea what is going to happen in the next second, so focusing on thinking you will never have a good career or amount to anything financially is creating a fictitious story.  Remind yourself of that every time the thought pops up.  The false belief that nothing good will happen is sucking out energy you can use on pursuing your career dreams. Next, do you know what you need to do to become an electrician or heavy machinery operator? If not, find out. Then, set up a realistic schedule for yourself to accomplish the steps. As you accomplish each step, see your progress.  Notice that you are moving closer to your goal.  Every day remind yourself why you are pursuing this career.  In fact, write it down and tape it on your bathroom mirror.  When you start to feel discouraged, remember your goal and remind yourself that you have no idea if you'll make it or not but you are going to give it everything you have to find out. Anything worth pursuing is going to take a lot of persistence and hard work. Stay with it! You and your family are worth it!


Input: Why do I feel like I'm nothing more than a wife and mom?

Instruction: I'm in my mid 20s with a husband and children. I love my family, but I feel like I've lost my identity, and I don't know who I am other than a mom and wife. At times, all I can think is what I gave up and how I feel unhappy and trapped, but I know I'd feel like worse without them. I loathe myself at times. I have an amazing life, so why can't I just enjoy it?

Output: Good for you on being sensitive to your human need for personal evolution.Wife and mother are meaningful positions.  And in your case, in order to feel your own growth, other areas of who you are would like your attention.Give yourself time to allow your interest to wander in order to find the area of growth which will satisfy you.Just like you know now that you'd like more than your current situation, trust yourself to know you will also know when you've arrived at another road you'd like to take for your own happiness.


Input: Why do I feel like I'm nothing more than a wife and mom?

Instruction: I'm in my mid 20s with a husband and children. I love my family, but I feel like I've lost my identity, and I don't know who I am other than a mom and wife. At times, all I can think is what I gave up and how I feel unhappy and trapped, but I know I'd feel like worse without them. I loathe myself at times. I have an amazing life, so why can't I just enjoy it?

Output: It appears to me that you feel as if you have sacrificed your dreams and aspirations when you assumed the roles of wife and mother. Many women place all their energies into raising a family but like you, believe they have not self- actualized in the process. Your efforts and devotion appear to have paid off as you now have a loving family! I would encourage you to explore your passions and hence find your identity apart from mothering.The reality is that parenting involves years of work as it takes 18 years to reach adulthood! Perhaps you can look forward to evolving with your children as you discover what else you would like to do with your life.


Input: Why do I feel like I'm nothing more than a wife and mom?

Instruction: I'm in my mid 20s with a husband and children. I love my family, but I feel like I've lost my identity, and I don't know who I am other than a mom and wife. At times, all I can think is what I gave up and how I feel unhappy and trapped, but I know I'd feel like worse without them. I loathe myself at times. I have an amazing life, so why can't I just enjoy it?

Output: Being a parent can be all-consuming.  And there are more societal pressures on mothers to be everything to their children and families.  In that effort to be everything (cook, housekeeper, planner, social organizer, teacher, etc) it can be easy to forget about being you.  We can certainly acknowledge that becoming a mother likely means giving up or sacrificing parts of yourself for motherhood.  There are parts of becoming a mother that can be wonderful and magical, and parts of it that can be just flat out hard.  I think it is very important however, for all parents to ask for what they need and to carve out the time to nurture their individuality.  This may not only be supportive to you, but it sets a great example for your kids about how to advocate for their needs, and teach them about the depth and interests of their mother.


Input: Why do I feel like I'm nothing more than a wife and mom?

Instruction: I'm in my mid 20s with a husband and children. I love my family, but I feel like I've lost my identity, and I don't know who I am other than a mom and wife. At times, all I can think is what I gave up and how I feel unhappy and trapped, but I know I'd feel like worse without them. I loathe myself at times. I have an amazing life, so why can't I just enjoy it?

Output: It is not easy being a wife and mother. You have shifted roles in your life. You went from having a career to focusing on your family. Transitioning can be hard, especially when we feel we gave something up that we really wanted. I want to acknowledge you for wanting to be the best wife and mother you can. I think it is great that you are self-aware and want to work on this.Feeling "unhappy and trapped" may also mean that you are  believing these negative thoughts are absolutely true. We have lots and lots of thoughts throughout the day. Sometimes we pay a lot of attention to some and some we ignore. Right now these thoughts are getting a lot of your attention and perhaps you are thinking because you are thinking them they are true.  Is it really true that you trapped? You also said that you have an amazing life. It doesn't sound like you are only having negative thoughts. You have some positive ones, too. However, you are giving a lot of weight to the negative thoughts, more weight than the positive ones.I also wonder if you are struggling with the fact that you are even having this thought. One thing that can be helpful is to recognize that you are having a thought, that it is a negative thought, that thinking it does not make it true, and to let it go. This is the basis for mindfulness work that can be really helpful. It is a great place for you to start so you can balance out your thoughts and emotions.Best of luck to you!


Input: Why do I feel like I'm nothing more than a wife and mom?

Instruction: I'm in my mid 20s with a husband and children. I love my family, but I feel like I've lost my identity, and I don't know who I am other than a mom and wife. At times, all I can think is what I gave up and how I feel unhappy and trapped, but I know I'd feel like worse without them. I loathe myself at times. I have an amazing life, so why can't I just enjoy it?

Output: It sound like there are some parts of your life that you really enjoy it and also some things that you wish were different.You say you feel like nothing more than a wife and mom, so I wonder if you could make a list of what else you are (friend, daughter, etc.). I also wonder if you could list your positive attributes or skills.I don't know what you gave up, but I wonder if there is some way that you could spend an hour or so a week working on things that you like and/or spending some time with what you did before you had children. For example, if you're missing a certain part of your career, maybe you could work with your husband to come up with a plan where you could do whenever that is for one day a week. There are often a lot of small changes that can lead you in that direction.Of course, that is assuming that you want to continue being involved with what you were doing before.  If not, what else do you want to do? What is it that makes you feel happy? What do you look forward to? Remember that looking forward to having an hour or two where you can do something for yourself does not mean that you are not a good mother or wife. These ideas can coexist.Can you talk with your husband about how you are feeling? Do you have trust for one another with feelings such as these?


Input: Do I have anxiety?

Instruction: I stress over everything. If I don't have enough "quality time" with my boyfriend, I start to feel resentment towards him. He has three children, and they are great kids, but I find we don't have much time together. I break down easily and find myself depressed.

Output: Everyone has some level of anxiety - it's what helps us respond to stressors in our lives and clues us into the fact that we need to respond to something going on. However, if you're feeling overwhelmed by racing thoughts, feeling like you spend a lot of energy worrying about something specific or even pretty much anything at all, and you're starting to find that it's getting in your way when it comes to living your life the way you want, then I'd suggest seeing a counselor or therapist for an assessment for anxiety. Your other concerns, though, seem pretty "normal" for someone who is in a relationship with a partner who has children. As a married stepmother, I've been there, and as a therapist, I can tell you that the boundaries and communication skills you have in your relationships need to be healthy for you to feel healthy. Finding some support from a group of others whose partners have children might be really helpful - being able to hear from others that you aren't alone in feeling like this can really lighten the load, and they might have some good ideas for handling certain situations. Another option is to find a counselor or therapist who has experience working with step/blended family dynamics - because even if you're not officially married, those dynamics come into play whenever there are kids from another relationship involved. You may even consider couples counseling so that both of you can learn to talk about your relationship needs and concerns in a way that will encourage connection and strengthen your sense of partnership.


Input: Do I have anxiety?

Instruction: I stress over everything. If I don't have enough "quality time" with my boyfriend, I start to feel resentment towards him. He has three children, and they are great kids, but I find we don't have much time together. I break down easily and find myself depressed.

Output: Feeling neglected in a romantic relationship can be pretty painful, so I don't think your response is anything out of the ordinary.  I do wonder what you mean when you say you stress over everything and break down easily.  Is that according to your own assessments or someone else's?  What do those moments look like?  Within the context of a lot of stress, breaking down wouldn't take a whole lot---and it's OK to break down.  It's the body's way of releasing pent up emotions.  If that's coming out via aggression or self-harm, it may be time well spent to create a coping plan for those tough times in order to feel like you have more control over your default response.Sometimes voicing your needs can help people to meet them, or at least compromise.  If you feel he would be receptive to a discussion, let him know how much time you need a day, or week.  You may not even fully know that, but if he's flexible, you can test out what feels right for your relationship.


Input: How can I be less paranoid at night?

Instruction: I'm currently up paranoid about, well, everything. I can't get to sleep, and I have a feeling of being watched constantly. I have extreme depression and anxiety. I'd really like to not be this paranoid and go to bed. I've tried night lights, ambiance, and warm baths.

Output: What kinds of things help you to feel safe?  I think it's great you've already tried a few things to help yourself sleep, even if they don't work.  Those methods of coping could be targeting something other than paranoia--which is maybe why you aren't finding those things are helpful.  If you are really struggling, sometimes meds can help to calm the brain a bit.  If you choose this route, make sure you give your prescribing doctor all the information about your symptoms so your meds can be as accurate as possible for what you're dealing with.If you have access, counseling could be beneficial as well.  There are more and more counselors becoming available via telehealth because of COVID, so you could even find someone to help you right in the space you feel most paranoid about (given that space is private).  Either way, talking some of those fears through could at the very least bring some insight, if not some relief.


Input: How can I be less paranoid at night?

Instruction: I'm currently up paranoid about, well, everything. I can't get to sleep, and I have a feeling of being watched constantly. I have extreme depression and anxiety. I'd really like to not be this paranoid and go to bed. I've tried night lights, ambiance, and warm baths.

Output: Would you possibly feel less paranoid if you talk with someone at the moments you feel paranoid?    There are mental health hotlines, so maybe speaking with someone would release your fear enough so you'd fall back asleep.Also, maybe go to bed only if you're really, really tired.  This way your own body will draw your mental state into going to sleep.Do you understand why the paranoia only affects you during the night.   Usually paranoia comes when it wants to, and is not limited to nighttimes.Maybe it is only fear and anxiety, not paranoia you have.


Input: How can I handle my alcoholic son?

Instruction: I have an alcoholic son who is draining me financially. I want to get him help, but he doesn't want help. It's making me anxious and depressed.

Output: What a heavy situation to be in.  It must be really hard to feel like you aren't able to help your son and the help you do try to give isn't truly helping him or you.  There's some things in this situation that are out of your control--what your son does, if he takes help or doesn't, and the feelings that come up for you about that.  I can only imagine how draining it would be as a parent to be unable to change something so important.  It makes sense you'd be feeling anxious and depressed.Let's switch for a minute to the things you have total control over--what are those things in this situation?  Maybe that's how you express your love for your son.  Or maybe it's how you choose to support him (even if it feels like it's a betrayal to him).  Pay attention as well to the amount of worry you experience--how much of that helps you plan vs how much of that is excess?  Knowing what worry isn't necessary can help to put you in control of how you spend some of your time.  You can replace this time with some self-care instead, giving back to yourself.Finding support groups or people that have similar situations can be very helpful. I'd say they are almost necessary.  Knowing other people get what you are going through and understand the emotional toll can be somewhat healing.  They may also know other resources or ideas you can try that are available to people in your situation.Something else to consider is grief work.  Letting go of some or all of the situation with your son (if that's what it comes down to) is a giant loss.  You probably already went through losing who your son was before the addiction, so it could be worth exploring the impact that had and has on you.


Input: How can I handle my alcoholic son?

Instruction: I have an alcoholic son who is draining me financially. I want to get him help, but he doesn't want help. It's making me anxious and depressed.

Output: Establish limits on how much money you'll give to him, tell these limits, and as you pointed out, expect him to not care or respect your limits.Try an Al-Anon meeting.   These meetings are for family members in similar situations to yours.People who are addicted are not always willing to know themselves, understand their own emotional pain which contributed to their addiction, and then decide to live differently.Additionally, these steps take a long time and there's no good reason for you to put your life in jeopardy in order for your son to take advantage of you.Being a family member of an addict makes seeing the dynamics between you and him, difficult.If some type of group meeting where you can learn from other people who are living in a similar circumstance isn't possible, see if you can find an equivalent of this online.It helps a lot to know how others handles themselves in similar predicaments.


Input: Is self-diagnosing okay?

Instruction: I'm currently struggling with diagnosed depression, anxiety, and Misophonia. Also, I am 99% sure I have Borderline Personality Disorder and Avoidant Personality Disorder. I read the DSM-IV, taken college psychology, etc. I know it in my heart I have them. Is self-diagnosing okay with the right research?

Output: One of the ways a diagnosis is helpful has more to do with health providers having a "common language" with which to discuss their patients. Arriving at a diagnosis requires gathering quite a bit of data on an individual which includes observation. I would not recommend self-diagnosing as it could be challenging for an individual to be objective no matter how much research they have done. Further, I do not believe in pathologizing individuals nor would I recommend anyone pathologize themselves.


Input: Is self-diagnosing okay?

Instruction: I'm currently struggling with diagnosed depression, anxiety, and Misophonia. Also, I am 99% sure I have Borderline Personality Disorder and Avoidant Personality Disorder. I read the DSM-IV, taken college psychology, etc. I know it in my heart I have them. Is self-diagnosing okay with the right research?

Output: Sounds like you are really concerned about the things you are feeling and the way you are interacting with others.  Self-diagnosing is not typically recommended since there could be a misinterpretation of the criteria even if you do seem to "fit the mold".  How you interpret how you feel or how you behave can be distorted, no matter who you are.  I actually did this to myself when I was in graduate school and it turned out to be wrong!With that being said, I believe people are the experts on their lives and know best what is happening for them.  What is telling you that you have these diagnoses?  What does it mean about you if you do?  I don't give a ton of weight to diagnoses in the sense of treatment because a lot of diagnoses share the same underlying themes and origins.  Both Borderline Personality Disorder and Avoidant Personality Disorder can be a result of childhood trauma, so treating one may not look that different from treating the other one---and the most important factor will always be the relationship you have with your therapist otherwise treatment won't work.I do give a lot of weight to diagnoses in terms of emotional relief.  It can be really stressful to feel like there's something "wrong" with you and not be able to give it a category.  It can reduce stigma as well to know that what's happening to you is normal for what you've been through, and that others are going through it, too.  And it definitely helps to know that there are ways to help and people that know how to help you.Either way, kudos to you for noticing something in your life that you want to change!  It seems like relationships are important to you and you maybe worry you are pushing people away that are important to you?  Even if you do have these disorders, you can totally learn how to change your life.


Input: Is self-diagnosing okay?

Instruction: I'm currently struggling with diagnosed depression, anxiety, and Misophonia. Also, I am 99% sure I have Borderline Personality Disorder and Avoidant Personality Disorder. I read the DSM-IV, taken college psychology, etc. I know it in my heart I have them. Is self-diagnosing okay with the right research?

Output: Any diagnosis is limited in its usefulness.Knowing the name of some typical ways you may feel, think and behave, doesn't help you or anyone to understand why the person is the way they are and how to change any of these characteristics.Both self-diagnosing and being diagnosed are equally unhelpful to know why you are the way you are and what to do about it.Consider yourself a person who wants to find a better way to be who you are, and this will get you further with better results than to read a list of descriptions which all are very indicting and negative sounding.


Input: Is self-diagnosing okay?

Instruction: I'm currently struggling with diagnosed depression, anxiety, and Misophonia. Also, I am 99% sure I have Borderline Personality Disorder and Avoidant Personality Disorder. I read the DSM-IV, taken college psychology, etc. I know it in my heart I have them. Is self-diagnosing okay with the right research?

Output: Hello, and thank you for your question. Self-diagnosing is something that we all do about one health issue or another. Taking a guess about what may or may not be happening to us is completely normal, however the actual clinical diagnoses of a mental health disorder requires a licensed mental health professional. Here are a few reasons for this: 1. Making a clinical diagnosis often requires other things besides matching up the symptoms of a disorder. To come to a diagnoses for any of the things you mentioned, a counselor would consult the DSM, but they may also use some type of screening tool, assessment or scale. Many disorders have similarities and it requires someone with training to tease out the differences in the symptoms. 2. Our judgement is sometimes off when it comes to assessing ourselves. We really can't be objective. Something as serious as determining a diagnosis really needs to be done by someone who has that objectivity. In addition, once you know your diagnosis, treating it usually requires help from a professional. 3. Sometimes the symptoms of a mental health disorder makes self-diagnoses impossible, in and of itself. For example, someone could be having hallucinations or delusions and not realize it. That would clearly make it impossible for them to diagnose themselves. There a many examples where something like this could happen with different mental health disorders. There are other reasons, but these are three important ones. Now, does this mean that you are wrong about your diagnosis? Maybe not. You may be correct. But, it is important to get this confirmed by a professional mental health clinician. If a disorder is then found, you can begin to talk about treatment. Hope this was helpful. Be well.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC


Input: How do I tell my parents that I think I have some mental problems?

Instruction: I am pretty sure I have depression and anxiety. I also have voices in my head. I have problems sleeping too. I've already been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have self-harmed in the last and used to be suicidal. How do I tell them this and ask for therapy?

Output: Talking with parents can be very challenging, even if they are loving and understanding.  Have you ever discussed these issues in the past?  If so, how did they respond?  It'd make sense if you were avoiding a discussion if they have responded negatively to you, or even neutrally.  We rely on our parents for action when we are in need and it can feel so disappointing when they don't meet our needs.  If this is the case for you, you could still reach out to them if you feel safe to.  That might mean being very candid about what you need from them or what you are seeking for yourself.  Sounds like you already know you are struggling and you want to get some help which is awesome.Do you worry they won't believe you? Or that they'll be disappointed in you for self-harming?  If you are struggling with these worries, it may be worth talking to another trusted adult about how to bring the issues up to your parents.  Maybe that adult could be part of the conversation if appropriate or available?  Also, do you have any siblings that are old enough to be part of the conversation?  Or maybe be a shoulder to lean on?  No matter what happens, social support is really important so you don't have to go through it all alone.Is it possible that your parents or even one of your parents will be proud of you for speaking up for yourself and trying to get help?  Sometimes depression and anxiety immobilizes us because we fear the worst, when in reality there are many more possibilities.  One of the things I have my teen clients work on if they want to communicate something to a caregiver is have them come up with a bullet-point list of the things they need them to know.  So maybe your list would include symptoms you've been struggling with, how you want to change, and what you need from them to help you change.  If you do this and it doesn't turn out well, remember that it's on them and not you.  Sometimes parents are doing the best they can, and sometimes it's not good enough.  That never means you aren't worth helping. It could be helpful to make a backup plan for how you will try to reach out to someone if they don't respond well.You also don't specify your age, or if you are even a teen.  I'm assuming you are, but if not, you may be able to get help without their consent or help.  If you are closer to age 18, you may not have long to wait.  I truly hope you find what you need!


Input: How do I tell my parents that I think I have some mental problems?

Instruction: I am pretty sure I have depression and anxiety. I also have voices in my head. I have problems sleeping too. I've already been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have self-harmed in the last and used to be suicidal. How do I tell them this and ask for therapy?

Output: If you have already been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder, can you go back to the people who diagnosed you with those things?It may be that your parents would be open to you talking with someone because it sounds like you have done this in the past. I don't know whether you have a specific reason that you are thinking they may have some hesitation, but if you are comfortable saying that you would really like to talk to someone because you are feeling sad or anxious (or whichever of your concerns you feel comfortable revealing to them), that may be a way to start the process. As for how you tell them about the fact that you have harmed yourself in the past and used to be suicidal, a therapist may be able to work together with you to discuss the best way to tell them about that.I'm not sure if you have told anyone about what you have been experiencing, but if you have some support there, perhaps they would be able to give you feedback about ways to talk with your parents as well.You mentioned that sometimes you hear voices. This can happen for a variety of reasons, but if the voices that you hear are giving you directions and you feel as though you might follow them, that would be a time to ask for immediate help, before you follow through with what they are telling you, perhaps by calling 800-273-8255. They may be able to connect you with local resources and they can definitely talk with you in the moment that you call.


Input: How do I tell my parents that I think I have some mental problems?

Instruction: I am pretty sure I have depression and anxiety. I also have voices in my head. I have problems sleeping too. I've already been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have self-harmed in the last and used to be suicidal. How do I tell them this and ask for therapy?

Output: Family support is very helpful when having these symptoms.  I suggest looking for therapist within reach (school, through your insurance or the community, calling 2-1-1).  Once you schedule a session, you can inform them and invite them to come in.   I have found trough sceptic parents, that once they give it a chance they open up to the process of learning and healing.  I also understand that parents may become overly concerned and overprotective when hearing about your symptoms, and that’s why is important to discuss them with a therapist, normalize them, understand why you experience them, and learn how they could help you. ¿Cómo les digo a mis padres que yo pienso que tengo problemas mentales?Estoy seguro que tengo depresión  ansiedad.  También escucho voces en mi cabeza.  Tengo problemas para dormir también.  Y he sido diagnosticado con déficit de atención y desorden obsesivo compulsivo.  Me he auto flagelado y solía tener ideas suicidas.  Como les dejo saber y les pido ayuda.El apoyo de la familia es muy útil cuando se experimentan los síntomas que mencionas.  Te sugiero que busques un consejero (en la escuela, a través de tu plan médico, o en la comunidad, llamando al 2-1-1).  Ya que tengas tu cita, invita a tus padres.  He observado que aunque algunos padres son escépticos al principio, pero una vez le dan una oportunidad se abren al proceso de terapia y sus beneficios. También he observado que algunos padres se vuelven sobreprotectores cuando aprenden de los síntomas que sufren sus hijos, así que sería otro beneficio que aprendieran que pueden hacer para ayudarte y apoyarte.


Input: How do I tell my parents that I think I have some mental problems?

Instruction: I am pretty sure I have depression and anxiety. I also have voices in my head. I have problems sleeping too. I've already been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have self-harmed in the last and used to be suicidal. How do I tell them this and ask for therapy?

Output: What stops you now from telling your parents the way you are feeling?Do you imagine asking them for therapy would be a surprise for them?If they're paying attention to you at all, then I imagine they'd feel relief to know you're aware of having some feelings within yourself of a problem.If you believe they'd have a negative reaction to you asking for help, this may very well be part of why you are having problems in the first place.What reaction did your parents have when you were diagnosed with the other conditions?I'd separate their willingness to help you from your sense of needing help.If they do not want to help with finding a therapist for you, then start by looking for services available for people in your age group whose parents also do not wish to be involved in their child's emotional and psychological health.


Input: How do I help my 20 year old boyfriend who says he hates his life?

Instruction:
I think adult life is making him depressed and we often sleep in on weekends untill 1 or 2 pm. We just eat, smoke weed, watch movies, and he'll go on his phone all day. He doesn't seem motivated to do much and he's often angry.
    I have no clue how to help him take his mind off the negative, or to distract him into a different light. How do I help him?

Output: That's a giant task to have to do all on your own.  It's hard to watch someone you care about feel depressed and I'm guessing it brings you down, too.  Change is tricky.  Most people need to hit a "rock bottom" before they can transform their lives.  Rock bottom is a moving target though--meaning one person's rock bottom could look completely different than someone else's.  For some people that's a trip to the hospital, for others it's failing an exam.  It's about what brings up enough discomfort (with awareness of why) with the current way of living that not changing would be more painful.Depression is so hard, but it can also be weirdly comforting.  It sucks to feel sad, but at least you know what to expect.  He knows that he's going to get high, zone out into his phone, and his anger is probably pretty predictable.  On the other hand, change is uncertain.  Is he open to seeing a therapist?  Or open to trying anything new with you?  If not, that's not your fault nor is it your responsibility.  You obviously care, but that doesn't mean it's on you if he doesn't follow through.  It seems like maybe he feels some comfort in the daily structure that you described, but even getting out for a walk could help his mindset a bit.  Overall, it's not a guarantee that you can help him, though it is really incredible that you have so much empathy for him.  Make sure you are taking care of yourself because you matter, too!


Input: How do I help my 20 year old boyfriend who says he hates his life?

Instruction:
I think adult life is making him depressed and we often sleep in on weekends untill 1 or 2 pm. We just eat, smoke weed, watch movies, and he'll go on his phone all day. He doesn't seem motivated to do much and he's often angry.
    I have no clue how to help him take his mind off the negative, or to distract him into a different light. How do I help him?

Output: How do you help yourself to believe you require more than what he offers to you?What do you get from this relationship which feels satisfying?To answer this question may in the longterm be the best way to help your bf.


Input: is it normal not to feel empathy?

Instruction: I can't seem to feel any emotion except anxiety, not even for myself.

Output: Thank you for posting.  I'm interested to hear some more information; such as, if you live by yourself or family, if you go to school/employed/unemployed, and what kind of things do you like to do with friends or by yourself.  Often times, when we are experiencing a strong emotion that we interpret as negative, we put most of our focus on that negative emotion and struggle to see that we do not always feel that specific emotion.  There are typically points in the day (even if it is for only in 1 minute intervals) when we do not feel that negative emotion.  When we overgeneralize, we use words like "always" or "never" and when we use those words and it may not be totally true, we feel the negative emotion based on an inaccuracy which is not fair to you.  Ask yourself some of these questions: Am I being realistic when I'm overgeneralizing things? Have I ever noticed a short period of time that I wasn't feeling anxious?  What do I notice when I am feeling anxious? What am I thinking about?  When was the last time I felt empathy?  What was different when I was able to feel empathy?  Hopefully this helps get you started.


Input: is it normal not to feel empathy?

Instruction: I can't seem to feel any emotion except anxiety, not even for myself.

Output: Its not normal to feel no empathy.Maybe you do have a little more empathy for yourself than you realize, since you seem to express some empathy toward yourself not feeling emotions.Try to understand the circumstance about which you feel anxiety.   This may increase your empathy toward yourself.If you feel anxiety about a relationship, then empathize with having lost the relationship.If you feel anxiety about not having enough funds to pay bills, then empathize with yourself for this situation.If you feel anxiety about how someone engages with you, then empathize with feeling unsure of how to respond to this.Basically, see if you can substitute empathy toward yourself for the tension of your anxiety!


Input: is it normal not to feel empathy?

Instruction: I can't seem to feel any emotion except anxiety, not even for myself.

Output: It's very common to lose the ability to experience empathy when you are overwhelmed, burned out, and/or exhausted.  Empathy is about accessing your own emotions in a way to understand someone else's experience or circumstance.  If there's something in you (emotionally) that you may be trying to avoid, it may shut-down your willingness to feel or express empathy altogether.  This also happens often with emotional exhaustion, as well as if we aren't putting up boundaries with our empathy.  Brene Brown has a great video on this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5U3VcgUzqiI.One way to think about this is to ask yourself what your anxiety is trying to tell you.  Is there maybe something that you aren't addressing in your life that is bugging you?  Or do you feel you are addressing too much and are spread too thin?  I'm also unsure if your comment means you don't have any emotion for yourself or you don't have anxiety for yourself, but I want to point out that you do have some sort of emotion for yourself.  That's the very reason you have asked this question!  Fear does a stellar job at masking emotions like sadness and shame.  You may not be aware of these feelings, but they could still exist.Loss of empathy can sometimes lead to a disconnection from the pain of others, though the extreme versions of this are not very common.  If you do start to experience homicidal ideation or thoughts about seriously harming others, it's important you talk to someone right away.


Input: is it normal not to feel empathy?

Instruction: I can't seem to feel any emotion except anxiety, not even for myself.

Output: Empathy usually falls on a spectrum, meaning that some people show more than others. Empathy is the ability to look at the world through someone else's eyes or "walk a mile in their shoes." There could be some people in your life for whom empathy is easier to feel and those for whom you have no idea what they are experiencing.Empathy is not usually categorized as an emotion, but as something related to emotions. For example, you could have empathy about someone's anxiety.I'm not sure whether you are also referring to the idea that you don't have sympathy for yourself or others. That's a different concept, but also involves different degrees.When you say you don't have emotion except anxiety, I wonder if you are saying that you have anxiety all the time and it may be covering up other emotions? If you are experiencing a lot of anxiety, try to look at what it connects to and find something that changes your focus for a few minutes. This could be any number of activities, such as watching TV, cooking, reading a book, or many other options.If you are feeling as if you are just going through the motions and not having a lot of emotions about anything, if it's just been a few days, it may just be related to a current stress that will lessen in a few days. If it has been quite a while, consider tracking your mood and looking at when you do notice changes in your emotions. There may be some variations that you are not aware of.If you continue to feel anxious and as if you don't have as many emotions as you would like, consider talking with your primary care physician or a local therapist.


Input: is it normal not to feel empathy?

Instruction: I can't seem to feel any emotion except anxiety, not even for myself.

Output:
Empathy is the ability
to tap into our own experience to help us connect with others in order to be
aware of how they are experiencing life.
It is a skill that we learn with practice and refine as we become mature.
If you are feeling anxious, maybe you are able to understand better others who
are going trough anxiety.  But I wonder
if instead of feeling empathy, you may just want to find ways to reduce your
anxiety.  A good idea is to be very aware
of your anxiety triggers, and once you identify them explore other ways you
could react. ¿Sera normal que no sienta empatía?Parece que no puedo experimentar ninguna otra emoción que
no sea ansiedad, ni si quiera por mí misma. Empatía es la habilidad de usar tus propias
experiencias para conectarte con otros y estar consciente de la manera que
ellos experimentan la vida.  Es una
destreza interpersonal que aprendemos y refinamos con la práctica y según maduramos
como personas.  Si te estás sintiendo
ansioso, tal vez puedas comprender mejor como otra persona experimenta momentos
de ansiedad.  Pero me pregunto si en
lugar de estar buscando sentir empatía, realmente quisieras reducir tus niveles
de ansiedad.  Una buena manera es estar consciente
que activa la ansiedad, y ya que lo identifiques, explora que otras reacciones
pudieras tener.


Input: How can I take care of my depression from a breakup?

Instruction: I have been falling into a deep depression where I can no function during the day and night. The only time I am at peace is when I’m asleep. If I am with friends, family, at work, and mainly alone, I cannot think straight. I no longer feel like myself.

Output: Have you tried to allow yourself some breathing space to emotionally recuperate from the breakup?Sometimes people expect themselves to bounce back faster than is feasible.  Then, the suffer from both the sadness and distractibility from the breakup in addition to the suffering which is self-induced by not permitting time to feel upset about the loss of the relationship.Be gentle and kind toward yourself because loving yourself will release some of the tension you feel.Since you write that you cannot function and you wrote a question on an online website, maybe you're not giving yourself enough credit for your capacity to function.Anyone who is not functioning wouldn't be capable to write a question about themselves.While what you write about yourself is in broad terms, my equally broad answer is you may be doing better than you think and the key problem is the discomfort and impatience that the feeling of sadness from the breakup, was more in the past than currently is the case.


Input: How can I take care of my depression from a breakup?

Instruction: I have been falling into a deep depression where I can no function during the day and night. The only time I am at peace is when I’m asleep. If I am with friends, family, at work, and mainly alone, I cannot think straight. I no longer feel like myself.

Output: I don't know how long ago your breakup was, but I would suggest that you reach out to friends or family that you trust and perhaps a local mental health clinician.I'm not sure what you mean when you say that you are not able to function during the day and night. If you are having trouble sleeping for more than a few nights, consider talking with your primary care physician. Not sleeping can really make changes in your emotions seem much larger.Can you find anything in your life that is the same as it was before the breakup? This may be a starting point for you. I wonder if you could think of and moment or two each day when you feel emotionally at peace while you are awake. Also consider looking at things that you can control, such as when you choose to wear, eat, and who you talk to about your deepest feelings.You mentioned that you have friends and family. I wonder if any of them are supportive to you.Please reach out and talk to someone about the details. I get the sense that you feel that you are alone in this, and having someone there to help you sort out what you're feeling sounds like it would be a gift to yourself.


Input: How can I take care of my depression from a breakup?

Instruction: I have been falling into a deep depression where I can no function during the day and night. The only time I am at peace is when I’m asleep. If I am with friends, family, at work, and mainly alone, I cannot think straight. I no longer feel like myself.

Output: It is common to go through a stage of adjustment after a breakup, which may include depression symptoms. I recommend practicing self-care:  stressing on balancing your life with healthy eating, exercise, resting and looking at your spiritual life.  These steps should assist you in giving your body and mind some balance.  Practice cognitive reframing, this is training your brain to refocus, and stay on task.  Meditation is a great tool to clear your mind during the day as well; there are multiple apps that help. If the problem persists a therapist could assist you in learning to focus and process those thoughts and feelings that cloud you mind.¿Cómo puedo manejar la depresión después de una separación?He estado cayendo en una depresión profunda que no me permite funcionar durante el día. El único memento en el que estoy en calma es cuando duermo.  Si estoy con mis amigos, familia, en el trabajo o a solas, no puedo pensar claramente. Ya no me siento como yo.Es común pasar por un estado de ajuste después de una separación, y este ajuste puede incluir síntomas de depresión.  Recomiendo que practiques auto compasión: esforzarte en balancear tu vida comiendo saludable, ejercitándote, descansando y analizando tu vida espiritual.  Estos pasos te ayudarán a balancear tu mente y cuerpo.  También puedes practicar reenfocar tus pensamientos para mantener tu mente clara. La meditación es una buena manera de practicar el enfoque mental, y existen muchas aplicaciones que te pueden ayudar.  Si el problema persiste tu consejero te puede ayudar a aprender técnicas de enfoque a procesar pensamientos  o sentimientos que te estén afectando.


Input: How do I find out the cause of my depression and anxiety?

Instruction: I have been feeling more and more down for over a month. I have started having trouble sleeping due to panic attacks, but they are almost never triggered by something that I know of.

Output: The first thing I usually recommend to clients that are coming in for these issues in addition to stress management is visiting their doctor.  We really don't know if it's something psychological that's influencing your symptoms, or if there's other issues happening within the body.  Pancreas or thyroid issues can perpetuate anxiety and depression symptoms pretty intensely--these are things your doctor knows more about and can help test for (and maybe rule out).As you probably already know, lack of sleep is a giant contributor to an increase in symptoms.  We don't know too much about sleep in the research, but we do know it's necessary to function and function well.  Some suggestions here from the research we do have: creating a calming routine at night can help with your body's relationship to sleep.  This can be your normal nightly hygiene paired with some relaxing videos or soundscapes (there are apps for this--Calm, Headspace, PanicShield).  Practicing these for a few weeks can help your brain pair your routine with sleeping.  Another suggestion directly from the research is not to take naps.  Yes, your brain needs sleep, but napping messes with our circadian rhythm and our quality/quantity of nightly sleep.  When we sleep, we go through sleep stages--but when we nap, those stages aren't completed like they would be during a full night of sleep where we go through those stages multiple times.  Both deep sleep and REM sleep (typically when we dream) seems to be especially important for feeling rested.  Napping usually only offers us a small dose of that, whereas a full night can offer as many more completed cycles including both these stages.  If you are waking into a panic attack, this site may give you some info on what that means: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/panic-attacks/expert-answers/panic-attacks/faq-20057984.  Here's a great information website that has tons of resources, including support groups: https://washingtoncenterforcognitivetherapy.com/problems-treated/panic-disorder/panic-disorder-organizations/.Glad you reached out here!


Input: How do I find out the cause of my depression and anxiety?

Instruction: I have been feeling more and more down for over a month. I have started having trouble sleeping due to panic attacks, but they are almost never triggered by something that I know of.

Output: Answers about our inner lives are most successfully reached from a sense of feeling grounded in oneself.First step is to accept your nervousness and restless sleep.  As often as possible, sleep during daytimes in order for your body to catch up on its need for rest.Accept too about feeling down.  It is normal to feel down once in a while.  From this place of self-acceptance, trust any answers which come up to your mind.  Often answers about complicated topics come in small pieces, not all at once as a whole unit.Also, your description about panic attacks is also completely normal.   They often arise unrelated to particular conditions at a given moment.  They are a healthy symptom your body is trying to expel bad feelings and does this by having the anxiety erupt at times.So, self-acceptance, tolerance of being on a process of clearing out worn out emotional clutter, and sleep at odd times if possible, are all ways to stabilize yourself, which will also feel calm and good!


Input: How do I find out the cause of my depression and anxiety?

Instruction: I have been feeling more and more down for over a month. I have started having trouble sleeping due to panic attacks, but they are almost never triggered by something that I know of.

Output: It could be really helpful to see a counselor/therapist about your increasing depression/panic symptoms. Finding out the cause of depression/anxiety isn't always as straightforward as it seems, since both issues tend to become patterns we engage in rather than solely related to a specific trigger/reason. For example, if I am feeling down about a particular circumstance in my life, then I start seeing life through this lens of feeling down, and typically I'll start to see a lot more that I get down about, and it can really build very quickly on itself. Same with anxiety. Obviously, this is a very simplified example and it can be very difficult to see how the pattern is maintained, but that's where working with a counselor/therapist comes in. I would be curious about whether you can start to notice the initial sensations of panic, and if you can (through the panic attack) continue to maintain awareness of the actual physical sensations. Even better if you can talk yourself through the sensations you're feeling - such as saying to yourself "Okay, I'm breathing really rapidly, and my heart is racing, now my palms are sweaty and my chest is feeling really tight..." Reminding yourself that it's just your body's reaction to stress, and while it might be overreacting right now, you're okay and eventually it will go away. I highly recommend the SAM for Anxiety Management app for the anxiety piece, and I wouldn't be surprised if addressing the anxiety helped to address some of the depression too.


Input: What can I do about my depression and anxiety after trying so many things?

Instruction: I have terrible anxiety and depression. I've tried various therapists and pills, but nothing's helped.

Output: Is it possible you simply didn't mix well with the particular therapists with whom you've worked?   If this is possible, interview a therapist before  starting therapy.   Then you will be choosing a therapist who feels compatible with your way of seeing yourself and your life.Also, therapy isn't for everyone.Read about the different healing modalities and see if one of these speaks to your interest in feeling better.What matters most is finding among all the legitimate healing methods, what you believe will be effective.