Prompt:
My daughter is only 15. She is way too young to be dressing in a two piece, but my wife agreed to let her buy one without my knowledge.

The last time we went to the lake, which was last week, after I had unloaded the boat and we'd started to pull out into the lake my daughter takes off her shirt and shorts and I see the bikini. I stop the boat and ask her and my wife why she is wearing a bikini. They tell me that it's no big deal and that all of her friends wear them so why should she not wear one too. I tell them that she's too young to wear something so revealing and I disapprove. I tell her that either she covers up or I will take the boat back to the ramp, so she agrees, mostly because some of her friends were there and she didn't want to ruin their trip.

Both my wife and my daughter were angry with me and let me know they thought I was being too strict and needed to get with the times. I told them that I couldn't care less what her friends wear because they are not my daughters. What they wear is irrelevant. That is between them and their parents, and in my opinion there is no reason for a 15-year-old to wear something like this. I told them both that next time if she did not wear a tankini, one piece or something that covered her up more she would not be coming with us to the lake. She would stay at home or else I would refuse to get the boat out and we would all stay home.

I realize that my daughter is getting older, and in another year or so I doubt I would object to a two piece, but that is in another year or so. Right now she is 15, and there's no reason why she needs to show so much of her skin.

AITA for what I told my wife and daughter and being so anti two piece? ######

Response:
 YTA

She’s plenty old enough to wear a 2 piece bathing suit. It is JUST a swim suit. No one will have an issue with this except for you. ######


Prompt: My Step daughter is 20 and recently single. She always has been a social butterfly to put it nicely. Her boyfriend left her over cheating rumours which I wouldn't doubt for a second. My husband and I don't share the same views and she's his little girl which is fair enough but I feel like she's too out there. She was only single for 2 weeks before hanging out with a new guy and I spoke to my husband about this and he told me to stay out of it and not say anything. I got angry at this as I liked her ex and I said she's became a slut ever since she turned 18. My husband is pissed I said this. AITA or is he overreacting ######

Response:
 YTA

She's above 18.
It's her life.

Her dating and sexual habits are none of your business, and insulting your (step-)child like this is just horrible. ######


Prompt:
I (22F) recently bought a house. I worked hard at college and landed a pretty great job at the start of the year because of it, and I've been saving a lot due to working from home that meant on top of my other savings I had enough for a deposit on a new home. My mother hasn't been so lucky. My dad left her a year ago and has squandered most of her divorce settlement to the point where, when she lost her job in March, she had to use up what money she had to keep her place. She begged me to stay at mine and eventually I said she could as long as she follows my rules.

Anyway, a month has passed and in that time she's decided that my rules are unreasonable, but whenever I tried to do something I wanted to do when I lived with her I was always told "my house my rules" so I thought, to hell with it, I'm going to give her a taste of her own medicine and see how she feels. She has a set time when she has to go to her room every night just like she did to me. She has to help out with chores like cooking and cleaning. She does my laundry from time to time as well. If I want to play games or watch a movie she isn't to disturb me.

I know it's petty but she was horrible growing up. I couldn't have friends over unless I got permission first. When my dad bought me a car for my 18th she kept telling me how to drive it. I was practically told how to live by this woman and that was before she had an accident. After that she became bitter with everyone and basically forced my dad to leave her for someone who wouldn't shout at him.

She broke down yesterday night saying that I'm taking advantage of her because she has nowhere else to go, but that's not my problem. I told her if she has a problem following my rules she can leave. Dad is on my side but my best friend said that I'm being am asshole because "your mom paid for your college tuition" as if that's somehow relevant to the current situation. So, Reddit, AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA

She paid for your tuition?  So you are not $40 to $100k in debt, able to buy a house and have a well-paying job?  You do realize that you owe this woman a huge debt of gratitude, right?

Telling your mother what time to go to bed and to not "bother" you when you are watching movies or playing games is outrageous.  You are one of the biggest AH's I've read about in the 2 years I've been reading this sub.

BTW, she had an accident and became bitter?  Is she disabled? ######


Prompt:
My GF and I are both in pretty expensive private college. We've been dating since October of last year and honestly I'm so close to telling her that I love her. But right now I feel like I've been lied to. In short, my parents make a lot of money and send me money while I'm in school. Sometimes it's more than I need so I'll spend it getting some high end stuff like Balenciaga or some nice Nikes. Just your run of the mill streetwear fan. And she always had nice stuff too but she was always a bit shy to tell me about her home life.

Well since we are moving back into school, I thought I'd swing by and meet her family and help her move in. But after talking, her parents don't make enough for her to afford anything she has. Her brother told me everything about how her mum has been unemployed for years and her dad is a middle school teacher.

She came clean that everything is a fake or a rep. Well she has given me gifts like a wallet and some shoes that apparently are also fake.

I overreacted and said some things I shouldn't have. I regret saying that she's just brand hungry and only cares about the label. And before anyone comes at me, I buy brand name stuff too but it's all within what I can afford. I'm not walking around with some fake Rolex when all I can afford is a Walmart watch. That's lying and I feel lied to now that I'm roped into it with my fake stuff as well. I left and we haven't spoken since.

And to be clear I'm not mad that she makes less money. I'm just mad that she lies about it.

AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA

She may have gotten into a prestigious school, but she can’t afford the prestigious lifestyle. So, to avoid having to be seen as lesser among her peers, she bought fakes. Apparently fakes so good that a brand hungry fan of streetwear couldn’t tell. (Which seems suspicious to me.) You found out because you butt into her family life before she was willing to share that, and you judged her for the fact that her family is less well off than yours.

Maybe if you love her, don’t be shallow? I mean, it sucks that she feels the need to perform for her peers to such a level, but you’re not great from the perspective of someone who is meant to value who she is. Normally, you’d think you’d reassure her that you don’t care about the materialistic things, instead you showed just how important materialistic things are to you. (While not being able to spot a fake?) ######


Prompt:
My friend (27, F) says she has a connective tissue disorder and says this affects her entire body and for nearly a decade she has a condition where the pressure of the fluid in her brain is low and this causes her brain to be inflamed which causes headaches, seizures and causes her to 'constantly hear things'.

I've seen her 'seizures' and what happens is her eyelids will twitch rapidly or her bicep will start twitching or the corners of her mouth will twitch, it's weird but she's fully conscious when these happen. She says they can happen constantly some days and they're annoying. She also says she doesn't sleep because of her symptoms and she's really depressed all the time.

I tell her to help me with stuff (physical stuff) and she says she doesn't feel like doing anything because she feels bad physically and also because she feels too depressed to do anything. She says she misses the time when she felt well and thinks about it constantly and she says each month she's getting worse.

Well tonight I told her to get something from a room and the room had a broken light so it was dark since it was dark out. She said she was 'feeling' for the thing she was asked to get and I kept having to explain to her where the thing was, she ended up getting the wrong one so I told her to go back. I said in a kind of angry tone ''this is life skills [her name]'' and she got angry at me and she said when it's dark she goes blind because she sees ''static'' in her vision or something like that.

I also told her she was really lazy and she should do more stuff rather than be at the computer or in bed all day, because my dad is 60 and he goes to work every day (she doesn't work and hasn't had a job).

She hasn't been speaking to me since and I feel like I may of done something wrong. AITA here? I am 29, M. ######

Response:
 YTA

She may have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.

You don't have her disability, you don't get to judge how she deals with it.

If she has Ehlers, treatment is exceedingly difficult to gain access to.

Once again. YTA. A massive giant AH. ######


Prompt:
Me [18F], my parents, my brother Tom and his girlfriend Lily [22M & 24F] went out for dinner yesterday.

We were all casually dressed. I wore jeans, t shirt, trainers etc and my parents and brother dressed the same way. Lily was different. She wore a dark dress, full makeup, hair done, heels etc. She looked like she was going to a wedding or a job interview or something. To be fair she is always like this. She's very fashion conscious. The only time I've ever seen her dressed down is at the gym. She dresses her best just to go the shop to buy milk.

At dinner it was quite busy, and we were wondering if they got our table number mixed up. I said for a joke that there was no chance of that with Lily's clothes sticking out they way they do. She gave me a dirty look for that.

When we got home Lily decided to stay the night. She didn't bring a change of clothes so borrowed Tom's jogging bottoms and t shirt. She came down after changing and taking her makeup off, and I said she looked cute, which she did. She gave me another dirty look and asked if she wasn't too overdressed for me.

WTF? That was a joke I made at the restaurant about the fact she was the odd one out. It wasn't meant to offend her or criticise the way she dresses.

She ignored me the rest of the night and still isn't talking to me in this morning. I did try to apologise but she ignored it.

I don't see what I did wrong. It wasn't meant to insult her so I'm not sure why she's so annoyed. ######

Response:
 YTA

She made a real effort to look nice for you and your family, plus this style is not at all out of character for her.

She already is the odd one out, being the GF, not a blood relative, and the only one at that.

You should not be doing anything to make her uncomfortable, but instead, be welcoming.

You come across as one of those 'not like other girls' types, who does not like other woman all dressed up and looking their best, hence why you make fun of her when she looks like that (and in this post criticize her for always looking like that), but praise her when she looks 'casual', just as you like it. I highly doubt this is the first time you have made either a 'joke' about her looks, or a compliment that is meant to 'reward' her for looking your idea of normal.

Realize that your way is not better (or worse) than her way of dressing, just different. Live and let live. The way she dresses in no way reflects on you. How would you feel, if she made it perfectly clear that she does not approve of your laid back dress sense, and would like you to become more 'normal', or in other words, like her? ######


Prompt:
My wife (38F) recently decided that she would like to lose some weight.  I (38M) think she is beautiful regardless of weight but if she wants to lose weight that's fine too.  We could definitely both stand to have better eating habits.

Yesterday she informed me of this plan and asked if I would be "supportive."  I told her I'd be happy to support her, and asked for clarification of what that meant.  She was very hesitant to clarify, only continuing to emphasize that she'd like me to be "supportive."  Now, I know what this means.  I do most of the cooking around here and I'm sure it would not be helpful for her weight loss regimen if I continued to cook my usual specialties, which are not exactly diet-friendly.  But she just wouldn't say it - I'm assuming she thought I might pout about it.  And you know, that's probably fair because I don't love the idea of cutting down on my red meat intake, but I can be mature enough to admit it's a good idea.  So I'd be happy to change up my cooking if she'd just ask.  But she didn't!

So, after she went to bed last night, I wrote what I thought was a fun and silly little four-chord song about how she's going to eat a lot of salad and lose a bunch of weight and it's going to be great!  I thought it was extremely supportive.  But she got pretty annoyed and accused me of being "cringe" which is, for the record, not an adjective, and now she's been a little mad at me all day.

I know doing the song was probably dumb, but I just wanted her to come out and say what she means  when she says she wants me to be supportive.  AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA

Really dude? Fucking really? How old are you, 8? All you had to do, if her specifically saying the words is so important to you (and yes, I can agree that she should’ve just said what she meant), was to ask her: ”are you asking me to specifically change my cooking/cut back on my red meat intake?” ######


Prompt:
I’m an adult finishing up my Bachelors degree. I realized I got a few scholarships last semester that I didn’t apply to. I didn’t apply to any scholarships for that matter.

Now the school keeps pestering me to meet with the donors via zoom to thank them. I believe it was around 1000.00 usd.

I don’t want to.

I’m already busy enough. I work full time an hour away from home, so that’s basically 12 hours away from home. I have two kids that I try to interact with for a little before I work on the two classes this semester. Also, I’m getting ready to have surgery in a week.

I told them I’d write an email. Then they responded I can record a video and they would send that.

I’m thankful for the money, but I never asked for it. I think a written email should suffice. ######

Response:
 YTA

Prerecorded: "Hey there, thank you for your good deed! it warms my heart that we still have this kindness in your midst!"

That is too much work for you. That's how much of an asshole you appear to be. That much. ######


Prompt:
 I married my husband 2 years ago and my relationship with my stepson (12) has never been well. We tried everything but nothing seems to work. His behavior towards me is so terrible, he shouts at me, swears me, and calls me worst “mother” ever.

His 13th birthday is tomorrow and since my daughter (7F) birthday is only 10 days apart we usually celebrate them both in the same day (they are fine with it). I asked my stepson who he has invited and that's when he facepalms me and tells me that he has already answered this question before in the worst tone ever. This is where I lost it and told him that because of his attitude I am going to cancel his birthday tomorrow. At first he didn’t believe me since it’s not the first time I intend to punish him without actually doing it in the end. But this time I was serious, and to prove it to him I called his grandparents and told them his birthday got cancelled. He started crying begging me not to cancel but I told him it’s too late.

I got berated by his grandparents because of this and told me that I don’t have the rights to cancel his birthday. As his mother I am pretty sure I can do what I want though but they weren’t listening to me. They even told me that tomorrow they are coming to his birthday with the gifts even after I told them not to bother because I won’t open the door.

AITA here? ######

Response:
 YTA

Please answer me what a 13m and a 7f have in common other than being in the same household that would warrant them sharing a birthday?

Or does it just make life easier for you?

You're an arsehole because you're clearly vying for dominance with a CHILD that you're supposed to be protecting and loving.

Kids are little shits they will be disrespectful and rude it's in their nature.

You're supposed to be the adult.

I hope his grandparents come take him out for the day. ######


Prompt:
My boyfriends parents divorced when he was in middle school but they never really got over each other and they both cheated on multiple partners with each other. The mom ended up getting pregnant from the last round of cheating and his dad left his fiancé to get back together with her. They both think it’s funny that they destroyed lives and they are super boastful about their affair baby. My family and childhood were torn apart by adultery and I hate cheaters.

The day of the hurricane we got a really bad storm while my boyfriend and his dad were out. I don’t live there but I was over that day and unable to leave because of trees falling down. She went into labor while they were out and I did call 911. The operator asked me to stay with her but it was freaking me out and I didn’t want to. She was crying and asked me not to leave her and to get her a pillow and help her sit up but I felt uncomfortable so I locked myself in my boyfriends room. She was freaking out and I didn’t know this at the time but my boyfriend was born with the chord around his neck and she was scared if the baby was she wouldn’t be able to get it off.

The ambulance got their eventually but I guess she passed out at some point and they ended up delivering the baby in the living room. She says that I’m an evil psychotic bitch and I’m never allowed in her house again or to meet her daughter but my boyfriend feels that I was in my rights not to help. ######

Response:
 YTA

No matter how you feel about people, you do not leave them alone in medical emergencies. ######


Prompt:
Son is 14M, cat is 3F. My son’s bedroom is one the third floor of our house, so it’s basically a finished attic. Early in the morning, a thunderstorm rolled in. It was pretty brutal, and it shook the house especially up in his room. I yelled up to him to come downstairs to the first floor, just in case something happened. He yelled back to me that he was coming, he just needed to grab his cat. Well the cat is not usually great with being carried, but she was extra squirmy because she was freaked out and probably because she could tell my son was scared. Well it was almost five minutes after I told him to come down and I was freaking out so I ran upstairs and grabbed my son’s wrist and took him downstairs, without his cat. My son started hysterically crying and screaming about having to go back for his cat and that’s when I told him “the cat’s life can be replaced, yours can’t”. This just made him more upset.

Thankfully, the worst thing that happened was our neighbors’ tree got knocked into the street and the storm cleared out. But now my son is being really cold to me, and carrying his cat around in what seems like spite. I told him to stop with his attitude, and he started yelling at me that I was an “animal abuser”, which I am absolutely not. What you have to understand is when I grew up, our cats lived outside and sometimes showed up at night, sometimes stayed out. We never took them to the vet. If the cat died, a new stray cat would show up soon enough. So it was different in my childhood, and I was freaking out about the storm and was terrified that my son would get hurt. AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA

No his cats LIFE can not be replaced.  Necromancy and cloning only exist in the movies.

I mean you can adopt another son... so i guess his life can be replaced too by your logic. ######


Prompt:
Ok Reddit, I’ll try and keep the brief.

I’m a leading member of the US senate, but for the sake of anonymity, just call me Moscow.

So 4 years ago the opposition party held the presidency. Several months before the election and Supreme Court position became available. Normally the president nominates a judge and I call for a vote on the floor. Well, I refused to call the vote claiming since it was an election year the people should have a voice.

Well, we are in an election year and a Supreme Court spot just opened up. But currently we (the righteous party) hold the presidency. I fully plan to hold a vote on the president’s nominee.

I don’t know if we can win this election and I think it’s best if we simply stack the courts before the election.

Suddenly everyone is calling me a hypocrite. I don’t get it? I only did what anyone in my position would do—change the rules in your own favor. Party over country, right?

So, Reddit. AITA ######

Response:
 YTA

Mitch is a prolapsed sphincter of the highest degree. A bright pink rosebud. ######


Prompt: I am now in extremely shitty situation. My daughter(Jane) cut all contact with me after my wife made some racist comments about her bf. I agree what she did is disgusting but Jane told me choose either between her or wife. How the hell I am supposed to do that. TBH my wife comes from racist family I called her out many times but I think racism is deeply rooted into her now it is impossible to do anything about it. This happened five years ago, Jane and her bf getting married soon. She called me yesterday and asked for some money as she is laid off. Actually she told me to honour promise I made to all my daughters(I helped them financially when they get married). I refused. I told her I made promise to my daughter and as she denounced me as her father I am no longer going to help her out. AITA ? ######

Response:
 YTA

Look man, it sucks that your daughter cut you off, but look at it from her perspective.  Her own father wouldn't defend her against racism.  That's extremely fucked up of you.  It sucks that you feel like you have to choose between your daughter and your wife, but frankly, you made the wrong choice.  You chose racism over compassion for your own flesh and blood.  You choose for there to be no consequences for your wife's racist actions toward your daughter's relationship.  You just shrugged and said, "Well, my wife has shitty beliefs that hurt my daughter, but that's just the way she is.  Sorry Jane, but you're not as important to me as my wife, so I'm not going to stand up for you."

And then you doubled down on being the asshole by reneging on a promise you made because of a fucking technicality in the wording?  You had a choice to try to show that you still care for your daughter, that you still consider her to **be** your daughter, and you fucked that up, too.  This wedding might have been able to rebuild some bridges, and you just burned them to the ground.  I hope you're happy with your decision to disown your daughter, because this was your second chance to mend things, and you're unlikely to get a third. ######


Prompt:
My oldest daughter is expecting her first child with her partner. She, I think, overshares when it comes to her pregnancy, but it's not my decision so I don't say anything. I see most of the updates on her Facebook, so really there's no need for me to ask her about the pregnancy when we talk, not that I really want to know any of the details. To me that's something that she should keep between herself and her partner and any friend or family that ask to be involved and she wants to involve. I have not asked to be involved and am fine being left out of the loop. In fact that's what I prefer with things like this.

I almost never ask her about her pregnancy when we talk. I think I've done it once or twice but can't remember why I asked. Usually I let her talk about it and just nod or agree with what she's saying, but I don't engage. She has never said anything to my face about my lack of interest, but she has complained to my sister and a few other family members who've let me know.

My sister told me I was being an asshole to her by largely ignoring the pregnancy and not checking in with her. She said that my daughter feels unsupported. I'm just not sure what she really expects. If she really needs help, I will be there but otherwise I feel this is better left to others in our family and don't want to be involved. It's not like there is a shortage of people wanting to check in with her and get updates.

In my defense, when my ex was pregnant it was the same. Some people are interested in pregnancy. Some are not. I am in the latter category.

AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA

Jeez, got a little pang of sadness for your daughter just reading this. Your daughter is going through something exciting, difficult, often painful, and life altering. You could at least act like you give a shit. ######


Prompt:
I love my girlfriend Celia, but I wish she had never signed up for roller derby.  WIBTA if I tell her that?

It all started over a year ago.  Celia wanted to do some kind of sport because she wasn't happy with her health.  And I thought she was going to sign up for the gym or sign up for a sports team through our college's phys ed program.  Well, turns out roller derby is kind of a thing in our city and Celia signed up for a league.  Okay, not what I had in mind but whatever makes her happy.

I've been fucking miserable since she signed up.  It used to be we would get take out and chill on Fridays but instead she is blowing off our chill time to go to practice or to volunteer at a game.  Instead of gaming or anime marathons with our friends, she is always out with these new girls she met in the league.  Its worse than she doesn't want to do these things anymore, she blows them off.

She doesn't want to hang out with our friends anymore (okay, they're more like my friends but they like hanging out with her). Before lockdown, she wanted to take me running late at night or early in the morning and she didn't want to do date nights that were dinner and tv or playing League of Legends into the predawn hours of the morning.  And since lockdown she's started to become more grossed out by me.  Yeah, I gained weight but this new lifestyle she has shouldn't excuse her sudden distaste for me.

And even if things hadn't gone to hell, she didn't even want to go to Comic Con this year.  We always went in the two years we were dating and the year before that.  But this year, she wanted to go to some roller derby convention in Vegas instead.  What happened to our tradition?

Well, we got into a fight earlier and she is staying with a friend.  I'm not going to talk about it but you can guess what it was about.

WIBTA if I tell her that I hate that she's doing derby?  I miss that quiet, nerdy bookish girl from when we first met.  I don't recognize this person anymore. ######

Response:
 YTA

It’s okay to express have feelings and express them, but ultimately, you’re saying “I wish you never developed new interests or grew as a person so we could stay the same forever.” ######


Prompt:
So we wanted the internet to settle this debate. I've been staying with my friend Kate for a little while at her beach house. We've been best friends since college, so obviously boundaries have kind of gone to the wayside.  Kate has two daughters who are 18 and 16 and the 18 year old's boyfriend was visiting. His family isn't big on either of us.

We were out on her husband's boat and he was fishing. Kate was laying down on the dock of the boat sunbathing. For context she is afraid of literally everything, so her husband motioned to me that he was going to throw the dead (well I think it was dead, Kate claims it was wiggling when it hit her) fish at her. I untied just the top part of her bikini. Her husband saw me do it and didn't stop me. So he threw the fish, Kate freaked out, and the bikini fell down. The boyfriend did not see this part if it matters.

This is pretty normal dynamic for us, but her daughter got pissed because she thinks that this is why her boyfriend's parents don't like her, and she says her mom is embarrassing. Kate said I'm an asshole because she is fighting with her daughter over this. Her husband thinks I'm funny though. ######

Response:
 YTA

It’s a joke when everybody laughs.  If only half the ppl are laughing, it wasn’t funny.

That’s not to say it wouldn’t have been funny if the daughter wasn’t there- but you gotta know your audience. ######


Prompt:
My parents are very wealthy and I grew up spoiled and completely unprepared for life. When I met my wife she has a lot of issues with my family and especially my mom. My mom has been diagnosed with a personality disorder but very few people know that. My mom was very clear that we were not allowed to tell our significant others. I decided my wife should know because it explained why my mom was the way she was but also so my wife could have all the facts before agreeing to have kids. There is literally no hope for my mom because too many people enable her but I wanted to be honest with my wife.

My mom hung up on me when she found out and sent someone to repossess the car she had given me, took back her offer to get us a house for a wedding gift, and said we would never see another penny from her. She didn’t even buy us a cheap wedding gift or a card. My mom still wants a relationship though my dad wanted her to cut me off completely and he hardly speaks to me these days.

I’m still close to my family but the financial discrepancy is huge. My mom pays for my nieces and nephews to go to private school, takes them on lavish trips, is fully funding their college, and plans to buy them car when they turn 16.

My son is 10 and definitely notices that his cousins have more. So far he doesn’t know that my parents pay for so much of it but I think in a couple years he will figure it won’t. WIBTA if I asked them to treat my son equally. ######

Response:
 YTA

It's not your money.  Not only that, you're asking for money from a person who's trust you broke.  You're an actual AH. ######


Prompt:
My wife and I had Drew young; she was 17 and I was 19.

We struggled a lot especially when Drew started to act oddly but for the most part my wife took it in stride as she had a brother who has autism.

Some of Drew’s quirks are;

He will only eat with certain cutlery, he has his plate and bowl etc.

He has his space at the table.

He has his own routine and all of which my wife allowed, she’d do exactly what he wanted and he absolutely adored her for it.

I went along with it for the sake of peace.

My wife passed last year from complications from childbirth and I’ve still fed into these little quirks my son has despite him being 10 now.

Despite being 10 he’s mentally around 5-6? We noticed he was stunted around 4 when he hadn’t started to talk.

It’s like I’ve snapped into action and stopped coddling him but he’s obviously struggling with this and every day there’s a new thing he’s throwing a tantrum about.

My wife’s parents think I’m being an asshole for not waiting longer as he’s just lost his mother and has a new sibling, two major life changes and that I know my wife wouldn’t be happy for my behaviour towards him.

AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA

It's not coddling when someone has a disability. Some sensory issues can be unbearable/painful for autistic people. It's not just a "preference". It's similar to say that giving a paraplegic a wheelchair is coddling them. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway because I don’t want this associated with my main account.

5 years ago, my ex-husband and I divorced after I admitted that I cheated on him. My husband ended up winning full custody of my child and he told me that he never wants to see me near him or our son ever again.

My marriage was never a happy one, and the only reason I married him was because I was desperate to get rid of my parents as they were extremely toxic.

During my marriage, I must admit that I was not the best mother to my son. When he turned 8 I started giving him as little attention as possible. My husband would give him much more attention despite him having a full-time job and I not. I also used to swear and scream at my son when I was angry, despite him doing nothing wrong. I was severally mentally unstable at that time (I am still visiting my therapist and taking the prescribed pills) and I regret all my actions.

Both my ex-husband and I are in a happy marriage now.

A couple of months ago, my mother passed away and it hit me really hard. It wasn’t because I missed her because I never had a good relationship with her, but it was because it reminded me of my son and how he also wouldn’t care when I will pass away. I missed my son so much and I regret everything that I did. I want to start over again with him.

I contacted my husband and he was really furious. We had a large argument and he ended up hanging up on me. I still want to visit my son either with or without his permission. WIBTA If I visit him? ######

Response:
 YTA

It's not about your husband much but what would be best for YOUR SON

You are not thinking of him at all which makes you an asshole still. Seems like you treated him horrible for so many years, your husband is right, you should not be anywhere near that child. Hope your son is happy, probably way happier without you.
Don't ruin his life any more than you already did! ######


Prompt:
Throw away for obvious reasons.

I know the title sounds bad but bare with me!

I had my son when I was 19 and my daughter when I was 21.

My daughter is now 19.

My daughter was raised mostly by her grandmother for the first five years of her life because I worked full time as did my children’s dad, we had to so we could support them.

My children’s grandmother was never affectionate and my daughter picked up on that and she’s never been interested in hugs etc; I remember twice that I’ve hugged her, both times she was in hospital because she was sick.

My son is overly affectionate; he throws himself too fast into relationships and they often don’t last because of it.

My daughter is the opposite of him and she lacks any affection; she won’t kiss or hug her girlfriend, even holding hands in public is off the table and I’d  think maybe  she’s worried about homophobia if she wasn’t like it with everyone else.

She’s been dating a girl for the past year but unfortunately this girl cheated on her.

Unlike her brother, who when he got cheated on spent a month in bed crying, she’s seemed to move on instantly and doesn’t seem upset but then she asked me why I thought her girlfriend cheated on her and I told her the reason above, people like affection and feeling like they’re special and she didn’t do that.

Now she’s refusing to talk to me, not unusual for her because and I quote “talking is unnecessary” (she rarely talks) for her but my husband is extremely angry at me for not just comforting her, I told her the truth as she asked for it. ######

Response:
 YTA

It sounds like both your children have been impacted developmentally by their upbringing. What did you do after when you noticed their behavior was so extreme? Did you get them into therapy to work through the emotional neglect they felt as young children?

You basically said who she is as a person means she's not worthy of someone's love and she has to change. Why didn't you phrase it as she's not finding a partner with similar values and love language? That's more productive. Or better yet tell her you fucked up and didn't give her basic life skills as a child to form proper relationships. Also, get the ice cream out and two spoons and call the ex a monster and no matter what nothing she did caused this.

Don't attack your children for issues you created by being absent. Don't judge your daughter for lack of emotional response. If you grew up not getting affection when you were hurt you might just withdraw and not show it. Or you might cry in your room for a month hoping eventually the other person cracks and gives you what you need. ######


Prompt:
My daughter in law, Katy, is currently 37 weeks pregnant with my first grandchild, a baby girl. I really love Katy, her and my son have been together about 6 years now and I have a good relationship with her, but we’ve recently come to a head on this discussion.

Due to COVID, the hospital Katy plans on delivering her baby in has a one birthing partner limit, and instead of choosing my son, she chose her mother. My son claims that they had a discussion about it and he was okay with it, but I think it’s completely inconsiderate of Katy to deprive my son of this incredible experience. Sure, her mother is her support system, but so is my son. Katy is also an extremely insecure girl, and has said she doesn’t want my son seeing her in that much pain and discomfort, which having 3 babies myself I do understand, but I do not think it’s good enough reason to not let my son see his baby being born, it’s his baby just as much as hers.

They come round to my house for dinner once a week,  usually on a Wednesday, so last night. My son got up to go to the bathroom so I decided to have a quick word with Katy. I wasn’t pushy, I just suggested that she should have my son in the delivery room instead of her mother as it was his right to be there. She said they’d agreed between themselves that it was okay, but I know my son and I just can’t imagine him being okay with that. I asked her why she didn’t want my son in the room and she explained why, her insecurities etc, and I told her she was being idiotic. For someone soon to be a mother she sure is childish.

She shouted for my son and my son was furious at me, telling me that he was okay with whatever Katy wanted and that he’d only be sitting outside, he’d get to see his daughter straight away. I said that wasn’t good enough and he said that if I kept this up I wouldn’t be seeing my granddaughter at all which is just ludicrous. AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA

It is absolutely not your place to have a say in this. You will soon find yourself on r/JUSTNOMIL (if you're the MIL, you could be DIL too)

It's Katys baby ( and your sons), Katys body, Katys birth and even your son is fully onboard and supportive of her choice. ######


Prompt:
I am a 35(f) married to a 38(m). We are both the sort of people that like cartoons and other fun stuff, but not to an overwhelming degree. We will both watch cartoons from our childhood together from time to time, and we both like adult animated shows (such as Rick and Morty or Bob’s Burgers). We also both have Knick knacks from various fandoms, but once again not a lot. Just the occasional thing we think is cute or funny.

Today my husband texted me, excited. He bought a bunch of G.I. Joe figurines from EBay and plans to play with them in our living room. He has mentioned this to me before, and I didn’t really react. He took that as me embracing the idea. I have asked him what he means by play, and he just shrugs. I’m more than okay with him displaying figurines, but this goes a little to far. He also has owns the whole cartoon series’s on DVD and watches them regularly. I can’t stand the TV show, but I sincerely believe it is because I have sensory issues. Honestly, Cobra Commanders voice should be used on loop to torture people. Also why the fuck was a wolf using a push cart to save someone in one episode?! So for obvious reasons I don’t factor the watching of the show in to this, I just wrote this in to provide context.

Basically am I the asshole for being uncomfortable with my husband playing with toys? ######

Response:
 YTA

Is he enjoying it? Yep.

Is it hurting you at all? Nope.

Let the man have his nostalgia and joy. ######


Prompt:
My daughter (16f) is really introverted, and doesn't really play any sports, so my husband and I decided to fill up her schedule with afterschool activities every day. She has robotics two days a week, tennis practice three days a week, and band practice for two days a week. She was strongly against it, but went along with it at first. After going through a week of school, she expressed that she wants to drop every single one of those afterschool activities. I told her that she could either drop robotics or band, but she got really angry and said that she wasn't going to spend hours every week on activities she hates. When I mentioned that she wasn't really outgoing, and wouldn't do anything productive if it were up to her, she yelled at me, and called me a "b\*tch". For that, I told her that I wouldn't let her drop anything for at least the next month, and if she gave me any more sass, she wouldn't be allowed to drop any of the activities until the school year was over. She stormed off to her room, but I don't really think I was 'being a b\*tch', but she might have been right.

AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA

Introverts need alone time to recharge. You overscheduling her like this means she doesn't have enough free time to recover, and you are adding A LOT of unnecessary stress to her daily life. ######


Prompt:
I (30M) have been dating my girlfriend Jean (21F) for about a year now. Part of what I love about her most is that she is so supportive of me.

I'm stuck in a dead end job, really unhappy with where I am in life currently so getting to hear her talk me up and tell me how awesome I'm doing is probably one of the few things that actually gets me through the day. When she tells me I'm great, I call those 'power words' cause knowing someone as hot, successful, and cool as she is thinks I'm doing good really gets me fired up.

Recently, we got together with a zoom meeting with some of our friends. One of our friends, Trish, was mentioning that she was nervous for a driving exam, so Jean was trying to reassure her. Which would be fine, except she used the exact phrasing she uses when she's powering me up. I got really upset and stayed quiet for the rest of the movie. When she asked me what was wrong, I told her the truth.

I feel like she shouldn't be wasting my power words on other people. I need them most and when she says things like oh, I think you're the most incredible guy ever!, and then goes and tells her friend that she thinks she's incredible, that's really disheartening. It makes me feel like nothing she says is real. I've got a big project at work coming up soon and now I can't get hyped because I know whatever she tells me is meaningless.

I've really hurt her feelings by saying her platitudes were meaningless but I just feel betrayed. AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA

Imagine wanting a supportive person to stop being supportive of other people because you think there's a finite amount of supportive things she's allowed to say. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway for obvious reasons.

So my fiance (30F) and I (26F) were discussing baby names for our future children. She has no interest in carrying a baby to term, so I would/will be carrying any children we have. As we were discussing names, I asked if she'd be cool with the idea of passing on my name to my child (ex: Charles Lincoln Neal II, but a female name).

She didn't like the idea. In fact, she said she would be okay with it, but only if she got to do the same with our second child.

I said I didn't like that. I feel she's only suggesting that because she doesn't like the naming idea I came up with and is trying to dissuade me. She thinks it's only fair, which I also disagree with, considering I'm the one who would be carrying the kids. AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA

if you are gonna start the whole "I carried the child so I have more of a say"-dispute you guys better think twice about having that kid

no offence but I think that's an important discussion to have *before* having the child ######


Prompt:
My BIL and SIL were going camping with their kids and invited my 8 year old son to join them. I was a little hesitant because we have very different parenting styles, but i decided to let him go. He was excited and then SIL casually mentioned that she had invited MIL and her new boyfriend. I have two major issues with this.

First of all they are cheaters. They were both married when they met and they had an affair, decided they were "in love" and then dragged it out so they could hide assets, gather info on their spouses, and screw them in the divorce. MIL admitted to me that she transferred her business to her father so that her ex couldn't get any of it. In her defense he was an alcoholic and he majorly sucks, but I don't know anything about her new boyfriend's wife.

Second, i googled her new boyfriend because I'm a little bit of a helicopter parent and I google anyone who is going to be around my son. He is a mega successful attorney, the type that likes to screw people for money. One of the first articles that came up about him was him getting someone clearly guilty off of the hook. I understand it is his job, but i don't respect it.

I said my son can't go if they are going. BIL called me exhausting and my son is pissed, but i don't want him around gross people. ######

Response:
 YTA

I'm confused, is your MiL going to embezzle the 8 year old's smores money? Is her husband going to be bringing his dirtbag clients? Are they going to spend the weekend telling him how cool being evil is? Or are the kids going to spend 3 days hanging out with each other in the woods eating smores and "hiking" 10 minutes away from the campsite while the adults hang out? (Also, btw, cheating on an objectively terrible person by the sounds of it and then doing your best to hide your assets from him so you don't get screwed in the divorce is hardly as disdainful as you're making it out to be) ######


Prompt:
My (26f) little sister (23f) has always been very experimental with her hair, starting with hot pink at age 11 and progressing from there. She had been mentioning wanting to bleach her hair so she could go light purple. She wanted to get her hair bleached professionally, and she would do the purple herself. But then COVID hit, and she wasn’t able to make an appointment to go in.
Now, I have a friend who does hair, and while I admittedly hadn’t thought about doing my hair this color until my little sister kept mentioning it, I also wanted to be brave like my little sister always had been, and I asked my friend to do my hair.
My little sister is livid. She can’t believe I would ‘steal’ her idea, and she said she was sorry I never had the confidence to do stuff like this, but I could have at least gone for a darker shade of purple. She did say all of this very calmly, but she felt the need to remind me that she was constantly compared to me growing up, and her personal style was developed to help at least make the ‘disappointment’ intentional, and while it may be silly that she is so upset, as the ‘favored’ older sister, I wouldn’t understand.
My mom says she’s just overreacting and being childish, but I’m starting to think my mom ‘always being on my side’ has added to my little sisters frustration.
TLDR: Little sister feels like I’m trying to creep in on her style, when she’s always been the ‘alternative’ one, and I’ve always been the more mainstream one. ######

Response:
 YTA

I'm an oldest sister and my little sis is 2 yrs younger than me.

She has always had so much more bravery with her style than I ever had. I'm the mainstream one too.

I copied ny sis all the time when she did cool ass shit that I was always to afraid to try. And my sis would get pissed too but she never put it like that.

And now I'm 29, texting my sister an apology because your sister made me understand something my sister could never verbalize.

Apologize to your sister and ask her how you can make things right. Though if you like the hair color, I'd tell her that and ask if maybe she would be okay with you keeping it and you hooking her up with your friend so you guys could rock it together for a few months or something. Or maybe your friend could help her with another color for now or something. Something to make it right after you alologize and validate her feelings.

And I'd tell her how much she inspires you to be bolder and would love her help in maybe selecting a new color specifically for you to try, or a new piece of clothing. It could be a fun way for you to branch out, bond with your sister, and show her that even though she was always compared to you - you still look up to her as well and that you see her individualism as an asset that you admire not as a way to beat everyone to the punch in disappointment.

But that's just my 2 cents as an older sis. <3 ######


Prompt:
I have a stepdaughter who i have never gotten along with . There is only a three year age difference, so I'm not entirely blaming her, but i think my husband did a shitty job raising her. She is just not nice, and not just to me, but she is rude to wait staff, entitled, something of a mean girl. She has always made snide comments about our age difference and me being a gold digger because I quit my job. I told her once as an April Fool's joke that her dad was leaving me everything in the will, and she didn't even respond to me, she just tattled to daddy.

She graduated in May with a PhD, and before she realized that she wasn't going to have a graduation because of what's going on right now, she made a big deal of announcing to everyone that I wasn't invited. My husband told me to just deal with it, because it is her graduation.

She came over the other night with her boyfriend of three years (she's 26 and he is 38, important later) and announced that they are getting married. Honestly I was kind of pissed off. My husband is wealthy, but her boyfriend is legit rich, so she is doing exactly what I did, marrying a man with a large age gap, and marrying a man with a lot of money. I'm not saying that she doesn't love him, but I think she is a huge hypocrite to not acknowledge that just maybe i love her dad.

I told her that was kind of hypocritical and ironic and she just rolled her eyes, but after the fact my husband got mad and said I was trying to steal her spotlight and make her engagement about me, but he is always super defensive about her. ######

Response:
 YTA

I was gonna say that's an immature thing to do, but given you are barely older than her AND immature, it's kinda overkill.

>Honestly I was kind of pissed off. My husband is wealthy, but her boyfriend is legit rich, so she is doing exactly what I did, marrying a man with a large age gap, and marrying a man with a lot of money.

You are the hypocrite here.

>There is only a three year age difference, so I'm not entirely blaming her

The fact that you are blaming her at all is kinda meh aswell. How would you feel if your father or mother had a partner only 3 years older than you? ######


Prompt:
I’m really into this game, Europa Universalis 4. Basically you play as a country. My wife also recently got into it.

When I play against someone, I’m obviously going to destroy them. Absolutely.

That’s what I did. I absolutely wrecked my wife’s Empire, the Ottomans as Austria. Through a couple wars, I eventually made her my vassal and have a single province. So, basically she can’t do anything, but she’s still alive. She called me an asshole for slowly killing her, instead of a quick and painless death.

So, AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA

I play EUIV. you don't have to target her empire at all. you don't have to compete. you can each manage your empire, and you can even work together. in fact, in all the times I've played EUIV multiplayer, it's never even occurred to me to NOT co-op it with my friends.

it's weird that this didn't even occur to you and that you took a game that both you and your wife are into and made it into a competition instead of a game you could both have fun in together. ######


Prompt: I 20(f) have decided to live child free. I used to be really Close I’m older sister but once she had kids I cut back on the time we spent together. At one point I made it truly clear I can’t be around kids at all. My sisters husband is rich like really rich. So because of the pandemic he decided to rent a yacht for two weeks. Now the whole family is going  he’s even allowing so family to bring a friend or two. So I call my sister to see what weeks it is so I can make sure I off for those days. My sister told me that she didn’t invite me because she was sure I would decline like all the other times. I been invited to theme parks but didn’t go because of the kids. I called my mom and dad and they both sided with my sister. The only people on my side is my friends. So am I aita for regretting telling my sister I can’t be around her kids? ######

Response:
 YTA

I have a friend that doesn't like kids, at *all*.  Like, seriously doesn't like kids, won't pretend to, won't humor them because they're kids, doesn't want to be around kids.  She's never mean, just doesn't ooh and aah over their drawings or think they're cute when they say something, or want to be around them ever.  She's not an asshole about it though.  She's honest about it and doesn't go places where she has to interact with kids, even when it's something she'd otherwise enjoy, she won't go because the kids being there would annoy her to the point she wouldn't enjoy it.

YTA because it sounds like you only don't want to be around kids when it's something you wouldn't do anyway and suddenly kids are tolerable if it's something you'd like to do.

If you truly don't like being around children, why do you think it's a good idea to be trapped on a boat with them?

Also, you've distanced yourself from your sister on purpose, and now you expect her to forget all that because she's doing something fun?

People aren't just characters in your story.  If you sideline someone long enough, they're going to notice and back away from you as well.  It's funny how many people don't get this and act like it's the other person who is suddenly distant when all they've done is return what you gave them. ######


Prompt:
Hi this is my first post, and I’m posting from my cellphone sorry for the format.

Okay so my(24f) sister (28f) she is married, live with her husband and they just had a baby.

She is breastfeeding and I am okay with that but the problem is that she wear reveling clothes just because it’s easier to feed her baby with less clothes on but sometimes we go to visit (my mom, my dad and my boyfriend) also her MIL and her FIL go to her house and since she wear a lot of dresses and jumpers or shorts if she need to pick something from the floor or pick the baby up from the special rocking chair they have ( she really needs to bend over because the chair it’s almost on the floor) she just flash everyone on the room, and I have notice that her FIL, my dad and my boyfriend get uncomfortable and they don’t know where to look.

I really understand that is her home and she can wear whatever she wants but if she is making her family uncomfortable I think she could be a little more discreet on the way she dresses or change the way she bend over maybe

Even today we where at her house and she wanted to take a shower but she just changed and put on a bathrobe and her MIL told her to go upstairs because people where coming over and  she didn’t care, but you could see that she wasn’t wearing anything under the robe, and everyone was uncomfortable

WIBTA if I ask her to dress more discreet if there is going to be people coming over her house?

Sorry for the bad english. ######

Response:
 YTA

I don't know where people get the balls to tell someone how to dress in their own home, but I'd be taking off more clothes. ######


Prompt:
Me and her are whatever in terms of a relationship. Sometimes I can stand her and sometimes I can't. We share a kid so I try my best.

My place was near to a doctor's appointment she had that morning so she figured she would Just grab stuff at my place that she keeps forgetting. Two birds with one stone. I was alright with it. Left my door unlocked, while I was at work. and she would just lock when she leaves. So she text me that she's done with her appointment and tells me she heading to my apartment. Psh whatever just said ok. Useless text, already got confirmation. No text at all saying anything about an Xbox later.

When I get home from work, first of all my Kitchen light is on, annoyed by that and then I go to my room, throw off my pants and about to hop on the game. I look down and it's lying on the ground. I was like wtf. I turn it on, making clunking nosies. It works but the sound is horrendous. Mind you, I have hardwood floors, so that didn't help.

I text her what happened earlier in my room about my Xbox. She doesn't know, told her to cut the BS. She asked our son and after a couple times of being Stern, he finally said he tripped over a cord it dropped. I don't even know why he was in my room anyways. My door stays closed. She must of been trying to sneaky and look through my stuff but who knows.

So I told her she has to pay for a new one it since she was "supposed" to be watching him. I was pissed about it. Some days I just wanna go home relax and play the game. tells me too "(my name) relax it was an accident and didn't you just go on vacation? I'm sure you have enough". An Xbox might be only $200 but I ain't break it. ######

Response:
 YTA

He's your kid! It's not like a friend went over and let their kid wander around in your house. Yes, she was watching him, but he's still your kid!

You said you generally *try your best* with her, but you added extra detail just so we'd all know how irritating you found her. *Oh no, she gave you a heads up that she was headed to your place! What a dick move!*

You accused her of sneaking around and lying about the Xbox, but couldn't it be possible that your son wandered in there when she was gathering her stuff, because he's a kid and he's curious? She probably didn't know he tripped over the cord because he was probably scared to tell you both because he knew he'd be in trouble. If he's old enough to explain that he tripped over a cord, he's old enough to wander off and open a door.

Everything about what you typed seems antagonistic towards her, and seems to assume that she intentionally created the circumstance. Like she maliciously sent your kid in there to wreck stuff.

Kids break your stuff. If you don't want your kids to possibly break your stuff, don't have kids! Or make sure that you keep you breakable stuff where a kid that age can't ever get to it. ######


Prompt:
My brother just turned 25 so we had a small family gathering to celebrate on Labor Day. It was just me (27F), my husband (27M), my mom and step dad, and my brother (25M) and his girlfriend.

My husband and I brought a yard game to teach everyone, and we decided to do a little tournament. When I was playing against my brother, there was a rule dispute. Without getting into too much detail about the game, basically it was my point but he didn't agree.

So he wanted to call my husband over to tell us if that was the rule or not. And I reminded him that I've been playing this game as long as my husband has and that I know the rules. He insisted on hearing it from my husband. His girlfriend even said she was pretty sure my husband had clarified that rule earlier, but he still wanted to hear it from my husband's mouth.

So at this point I got really frustrated because he refused to listen to me/us and insisted on calling my husband over to confirm the rule. I know I shouldn't have, but I said "Why do you need to hear it from [husband]? Because he has a penis?"

And that really pissed him off to the point where he started calling me sexist and saying that I hate all men and "Sorry I have a PENIS" etc. After a minute or so of that he told his girlfriend "we're fucking leaving" and they left, meaning the party was over.

I was in tears at this point, and I still feel like I ruined the whole day for everyone and I should have just kept my mouth shut. I know better because he can be very sensitive and will storm off during family gatherings somewhat frequently. I just couldn't understand why he refused to accept the rule from me and insisted on hearing it from my husband instead, and i lost my cool.

So I feel like an asshole, but AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA

He probably wanted to hear the rule from someone who is rather neutral (not you) and who isn't new to the game (not his girlfriend), so that leaves only your husband.

But you jumped straight to sexism. ######


Prompt:
I'm not sure why I'm so disappointed. I think it's because whenever I used to think about my wife being pregnant I imagined her with an adorable big bump, really glowing and looking pregnant.

She just passed 32 weeks and it's so small, which is kind of surprising because I'm a big guy. She is very petite but I still expected our baby to big bigger than this. If she wears an oversized shirt and poses right you can barely tell she's pregnant. You can't tell at all from behind.

Lately she has been complaining because she feels so "big" and I commented without really thinking that she was so tiny compared to a lot of other pregnant women I've seen. She didn't believe me and thought I was trying to be nice and reassure her, and I said that actually I felt disappointed because of how small she was.

I'm not sure why she got upset. If I had said she was big or getting huge I could see. She acts like me saying she is tiny and barely looks pregnant is some sort of commentary on how well she is growing our baby, but that's not the case at all. I feel like most women would be thrilled if their partner said they were so small. But apparently I am the asshole? ######

Response:
 YTA

Generally probably not a good idea to tell the woman carrying your child that you're disappointed with how her body looks. ######


Prompt: This happened last year but my girlfriend is mad at me now for it. Last year we had our Freshers week at university, it's a week known for drinking and debauchery. One one of the night me and the guys decided to have a "pull a pig" night where you try and kiss a larger chick. There are some real rotters at my uni so it was quite easy and funny to see who could get with the worst girls. We did prizes for the ugliest and the fattest. I told my gf about it and she freaked out and won't talk to me. I explained that it was just a laugh with the boys and that it was good for these girls self esteem as they can have a chance at getting with the football players etc. We all promised that wed never say anything to the girls and they'd never find out too. So Reddit AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA

Either you're a troll, or you're a disrespectful, arrogant, superficial jerk who's getting off on playing with peoples' feelings. ######


Prompt:
 Throwaway because I don't want this tied to my main.

My girlfriend is a talented musician. She plays multiple instruments and has an angelic voice. She's dedicated her life to this excruciating task, and it's truly paid off.

My sister has 2 boys, a 10 year-old and a 8 year old. They are extremely active and love running around, which usually ends in a mess being created. The boys adore my girlfriend, they love everything about her, which I find very cute. The boys came to stay with me for a day when my sister and my girlfriend were out of town (separately.)

The 10 year old is learning the violin and he insists on playing like my girlfriend. I thought it would be harmless to bring out my girlfriend's violin for him to play something, and to calm his hyper-active self down. Granted, it was slightly too big for him, but he was plucking the strings and seemed to know how to use it. I had to dash out for a emergency (I was just next door) and when I returned after an hour, her bow was almost completely frayed. I took the violin away and scolded both of them.

My girlfriend came back home to a frayed bow. She was understandably upset, and to my surprise, even more upset when I told her the entire story. She asked me if I would like to pay for the repair (or replacement) of the violin bow. I thought that my sister would have to chalk up the fees because it was her kids (my nephews) who caused the damage in the first place. My girlfriend disagreed and defended my sister not paying the fees when I prompted her to. I keep refusing every time she asks. I'm not stopping from practicing either, she has a spare bow.

Am I really the AH? I shouldn't be faulted for someone else's kids problems.  ######

Response:
 YTA

Dude, you are the only one that put the instrument and bow in a child’s hand. You are completely to blame

One redditor mentioned how pricey the bow could be. I suspect that’s why he really doesn’t want to pay ######


Prompt:
My friend is deciding between two offices of the same company. One is in San Fransisco, and the other is in New York.

Instead of considering factors such as career progression, cost of living, social scene, etc.... he literally said he’s choosing the New York office simply because they have a much more traditional business professional dress code compared to the San Fransisco office which it’s common to wear jeans at.

I told him he’s being idiotic for choosing for solely that reason, and now he’s all angry at me.

AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA

Dress code is top 3 reasons I will turn down a job. I have worked places with unflattering polos, uncomfortable dress codes, and I hate it. I absolutely hate having to wear uncomfortable clothes all day because someone thinks it will look good. I've turned down jobs that would require me to wear something that I hated the look of. And while there was a time in which I didn't have the ability to be picky, if I was allowed to choose what to wear every day I would be much happier at work. ######


Prompt:
Yesterday I was supposed to spend the night at my friends house with some of my classmates and we were playing truth or dare. There really is no reason for us to choose truth since we already know a lot about each other so we mostly went just with dares. It was pretty fun and we had some weird challenges.

I was staying next to my friends brother and when it was my turn a classmate challenged me to kiss him. His sister immediately told my friend to change the dare and so she did. To be clear, her brother did not say anything when he heard the dare and just laughed so he definitely looked like he was ok with it right? Well WRONG because after I kissed him he told me wtf I am doing and looked like he was really grossed out by it. I was honestly a bit offended and asked him why he is so grossed by me kissing him, I am actually a pretty ok looking girl and even if I wasn’t, there was no reason for him to act like this. He ended up leaving the game and my friend told me that what I did was wrong on so many levels and to get out of her house. My other classmates didn’t say anything so I think they were on my side but didn’t want to participate in this argument (I will ask them when they go back home). Anyways I did end up leaving. Do you guys think I was the asshole here?

Please do NOT comment yet, read this:

Ok I don’t know how to explain this without being misunderstood but could you guys do me a small favor? I used a throwaway account for privacy reasons but the thing is, if this post blows up, there is a high chance for my friend to still see this. Could you please instead of commenting, DM me if your judgement is ‘YTA’? I promise if I get a lot of YTA dms I am going to ACCEPT the judgement as per rule 3 but it’s just weird if my friend sees this and sees ‘YTA’ comments especially after our last argument, you guys get what I mean right? Thank you. ######

Response:
 YTA

Don't post on public forums if you don't want the responses to be public

Also maybe he felt uncomfortable speaking up. Ever heard laughing nervously? ######


Prompt:
Okay so first of all, yes my username is a joke, and no, I’m not Chinese.

Anyway, I (28M) am going to get married to my fiancée (28F) once covid is all over. Recently, I got one of those AncestryDNA/23AndMe DNA tests to find out all about my genetic ancestral history.

I’m an super curious about what my future wife’s history is so that when he have children, I know what they will be racially, so I asked my fiancée if she could do it was well. She didn’t want to. I don’t really understand why, but she doesn’t want to.

I have been pushing her to do it so that we can know about our future children’s make up, but she refused to. Am I the asshole for continuing to push for it? ######

Response:
 YTA

Don't force people to do what they are uncomfortable with, you don't have the right. ######


Prompt:
(Posted on behalf of someone who doesn’t have reddit - I’ve been discussing this all day with her)

My (57 F) daughter (32) recently gave birth and called and let me know hours after the birth. I was the first person she told but I think it’s strange she didn’t ring me immediately. She didn’t have a long labour and was out of hospital very quickly.

I then hinted very obviously that I’d like to see the baby by asking if she wanted anything and I would come and drop it off but she said she was fine. I feel like she should invite me to come over. I won’t hold the baby or come inside because of COVID but I would like to wave through the window. It’s also awkward when my friends ask if I’ve seen the baby yet and I have to say no.

AITA for being angry and upset with my daughter about this and trying to get my family to understand my point of view

Edit- Op here, after I said as gently as possible that she ran the risk of making her daughter think she was making it about her, she got very defensive and asked why I’m never on her side. She’s still convinced that her daughter is in the wrong and I’m not sure if it’s even possible to get through to her at this point. Thanks for all the comments, was beginning to feel guilty for not supporting her. ######

Response:
 YTA

Did you want her to call you the second the baby's head popped out? I would say a couple of hours later is more than acceptable. Give the mother a chance to clean up and get acquainted with her baby first!

Have you actually told your daughter you would like to visit? Did you explain to her that you just want to wave through the window?  Or have you just passively hinted and expected her to read your mind?

Do you have the sort of relationship with your daughter that she can trust you'll stay outside and won't try to guilt her into letting you in?

Your daughter just had a baby. Back off a bit. It's not all about you, grandma. ######


Prompt:
I (24 M) was playing Risk (online, so other people were not involved) with a friend (24 M) that we will call David. It was David’s first time playing so he asked me for advice on what he should do. I told him he should fortify his troops on China.
David: “What should I do?”
Me: “You should place your people on China”
David: “Where?”
Me: “On China”
David then hesitated for a couple seconds
Me: “What’s wrong, just place them on China so you won’t lose it”
David: “Where’s China?”
Me: “Where the real China would be”
David: “I don’t know where China is”
(I then thought he was just confused since the China on Risk’s map isn’t the same outline as a China today)
Me: “It’s the only one in Asia that you can place your troops in”
David: “I don’t know where that is”
Me: “Do you really not know where China is?” (I said it in a very shocked tone)
David: “No”
Me: “Like just on this map or in real life”
David: “I’m not good at geography, China isn’t something everyone knows about”
Me: “How do you not know where China is? It was literally the only thing being talked about when Corona started. It’s like elementary school geography”

That’s when I then pulled up a picture of a map and circled it for him. He then was quiet for the rest of the night and said I shouldn’t make him feel stupid. He’s upset with me and said it was unnecessary. I just was genuinely shocked as China’s location is common knowledge. Also if we are going to play a game based on a real map he should at least know where I was talking about. I never talked in a condescending way, but I definitely spoke with a shocked tone. AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA

But only moderately. Showing it to him on the map? Not a bad thing to do. Repeating the question, and hammering the point home when he made it clear he legitimately didn't know where it was however, that was a dick move. I'd recommend apologizing to him. From the sound of things he's aware this is a shortcoming of his and is insecure about it, and while you didn't mean to you *did* hurt him. ######


Prompt:
My friend draws art in her spare time and frequently does commissions. I asked her if she could draw something for me and she charged the standard price, which I found a bit steep. I asked if she could just count this as doing a favor for a friend and do it for free and she laughed and called me cheap as a joke.

I did feel a bit hurt by it and I ended up paying the price she asked for but I just want to know if it was unreasonable for me to have asked her for a free commission. ######

Response:
 YTA

Art takes time, and time is money. There is nothing wrong with asking for a discounted price, or if they can do it for free (I guess) but you aren't entitled to it. ######


Prompt:
Cast: Me - Assistant manger of a restaurant

Ray (37) - Store manager, kind of creepy

Kelly(18)-  Fresh out of high school hostess, very shy, scatter brain

Joe - District manager

Ray has had a history with female workers. nothing that has gotten him in any trouble or had anybody quit, just remarks on appearances, flashes them smiles, ect. It's creepy but everyone has let it slide.

than we hire Kelly, who is a very, very shy girl but very nice. Ray develops something for her and wouldn't stop persisting. she's made up a lot of excuses to let him down easy (not wanting to date, focus on school, being his employee) but he kept it up and up. she confined in me it was making her uncomfortable. she did go to HR but only Joe stopped by and saw nothing questionable at that time.

I noticed after that kelly's feelings shifted. she wasn't really flirty but more open to ray's advance. I pull her aside and ask her what the hell was up, she explains since HR wasn't helping and she knew ray would slash her hours if she didn't go along with it, she was looking for a new job but playing along with things because she needed the money to care for her disabled dad. yeah okay.

Me and the other workers are obviously getting pissed so I finally go to Joe and explain there's something going on between ray and kelly and one of them needed to go. they decide to transfer kelly to another store 40ish minutes away. she had a breakdown, crying how she couldn't do it because of the commute and she needed to stay or else she didn't know how to pay for her and dad's living expenses.  she came up to me later, asked me why I manipulated the story like that (I don't see how) and now everyone thinks she's a slut and no one helped her at all.  Was my handling wrong so much I am an asshole? ######

Response:
 YTA

Absolutely.

You should have told HR that Ray was behaving inappropriately and that she felt compelled to go along with it in order to keep her hours. Instead you told them they were both at fault and unsurprisingly they punished the more vulnerable, disposable employee.

Furthermore, she didn't ask for your help. If you wanted to help, you could have talked to her, gone to HR with the other employees as a team, etc. But no - you threw her under the bus.

Super duper shitty. ######


Prompt: My daughter is 23 and moved back home after the relationship with her baby’s father fell apart. Her daughter is almost 2 and we love having them both here. However, my daughter has always been boy crazy and it has been a problem since she was a teen. She is very immature for her age and has done nothing with her life. She went to college for an arts major and changed her mind. She has only worked at a clothing boutique and that was for a couple of months until she got pregnant. Her ex fully supported her and the baby and she expected to get married until he cheated. We welcomed her back with open arms and don’t expect her to work yet since her daughter is so little. She goes out with friends from time to time and we are okay with that. However, we found out she on dating apps and has been on several dates with different men. Her daughter is so young and should be her main focus. I know she is an adult but I told her if she wants to focus on men instead of her child, she can leave. We now ask where she is going every time she leaves the house and it has caused so much tension. She is mad that we are trying to control her since she is an adult but she is acting like a child. Am I an asshole for controlling my adult daughter? ######

Response:
 YTA

>she . . . has been on several dates with different men. Her daughter is so young and should be her main focus.

If you didn't even know she had been on any dates until she had been on *several* of them, then it sounds like her daughter **is** her main focus.  I feel like you would have noticed if she were actually neglecting to give enough attention to her daughter.  It would have been obvious to you.

I understand that you're concerned about your granddaughter, but your daughter has social and romantic needs of her own, and it sounds like she was balancing things just fine:

>She goes out with friends from time to time and we are okay with that.

You were okay with her taking some time for herself occasionally.  What I suspect happened is that you discovered that some of those instances of "going out with friends" were actually "going on a date", you decided that you weren't okay with it anymore.

That's intrusive and controlling of you.  Just because you're letting her stay with you, that doesn't give you the right to dictate her social life.  I would understand if this was causing her to neglect her daughter, but you haven't given any indication that that's the case.  And you can't say "seeing friends is okay, but dating isn't."  Either let her stay, or don't, but don't try to control her like this. ######


Prompt:
This happened months ago before the pandemic, but my girlfriend is still angry so I wanted some resolution. I have a sister who is 17 years younger than me. My mom said when she got pregnant that she was never going to be one of those parents who pinned the responsibility on her older kid, so she literally never asks me for anything.

I live with my girlfriend in an off campus apartment that my mom helps me pay for. My girlfriend and her parents also pay half of the rent. My mom and my girlfriend hate each other. I can't even figure out who started it, but it's really bad. The first night they met ended up in a screaming match over Trump (my stepdad loves him, my mom is indifferent but still somehow ended up int he fight) Things have gotten worse since then. My mom is rude and insulting, but rarely starts it. My girlfriend is outspoken and passionate, and they fight over everything. My sister is not allowed near my girlfriend without my mom there because my mom said my girlfriend is trash.

My mom called me and said that she had a concussion from being thrown from a horse and my stepdad was on a business trip. She asked me if i could take my sister because she is dizzy, doesn't feel comfortable being alone with her, and she can't take the noise (she had already been to the ER and my aunt was taking her for an appointment later that day) Then my mom remembered my girlfriend and said forget it, she would rather deal with it then let my sister near my girlfriend.

I felt like since it was an emergency my girlfriend should leave and let me watch my sister. I hope that they do work out their issues, but regardless of who was right or wrong, it was an emergency and they weren't going to solve things that day. I asked my girlfriend to leave and go to her mom's house so I could have my sister. She was extremely angry but I think I did the right thing because my mom passed out later (my aunt was there) and I'm glad my sister wasn't home when that happened. ######

Response:
 YTA

>My mom called me and said that she had a concussion from being thrown from a horse and my stepdad was on a business trip. She asked me if i could take my sister because she is dizzy, doesn't feel comfortable being alone with her,

>Then my mom remembered my girlfriend and said forget it, she would rather deal with it then let my sister near my girlfriend.

Wow, A+ parenting right there! Rather put my child at risk than let her be around someone I don't like!

>I felt like since it was an emergency my girlfriend should leave and let me watch my sister.

I would think that, since it's an emergency, your mom should get the fuck over it and accept her daughter will be around your girlfriend for the night.

If I was your girlfriend I'd have told you you're free to go watch your sister at you mom's house, but I'm not leaving the place I pay rent for such a bullshit reason. ######


Prompt:
I have a stepdaughter who i have never gotten along with . There is only a three year age difference, so I'm not entirely blaming her, but i think my husband did a shitty job raising her. She is just not nice, and not just to me, but she is rude to wait staff, entitled, something of a mean girl. She has always made snide comments about our age difference and me being a gold digger because I quit my job. I told her once as an April Fool's joke that her dad was leaving me everything in the will, and she didn't even respond to me, she just tattled to daddy.

She graduated in May with a PhD, and before she realized that she wasn't going to have a graduation because of what's going on right now, she made a big deal of announcing to everyone that I wasn't invited. My husband told me to just deal with it, because it is her graduation.

She came over the other night with her boyfriend of three years (she's 26 and he is 38, important later) and announced that they are getting married. Honestly I was kind of pissed off. My husband is wealthy, but her boyfriend is legit rich, so she is doing exactly what I did, marrying a man with a large age gap, and marrying a man with a lot of money. I'm not saying that she doesn't love him, but I think she is a huge hypocrite to not acknowledge that just maybe i love her dad.

I told her that was kind of hypocritical and ironic and she just rolled her eyes, but after the fact my husband got mad and said I was trying to steal her spotlight and make her engagement about me, but he is always super defensive about her. ######

Response:
 YTA

>	I told her once as an April Fool’s joke that her dad was leaving me everything in the will, and she didn’t even respond to me, she just tattled to daddy.

She doesn’t respect you because you’re an ass and sound totally jealous. ######


Prompt: Hey guys so im currently a 19 year old college student and have been in a relationship since high school. My girlfriend and i have always been careful using condoms and birth control and i've even thought about having a vasectomy but can't currently afford it. So with this out of the way my girlfriend is pregnant. She found out last week and was clearly very excited and was bummed out by my reaction i told her i didn't want to have a child and had no interest in being a father. She yelled at me and called me a lot of different expletives and then ran away. During the last week her brother and father have threatened me with legal cases and physical violence and my parents are threatening to kick me out of the house if i don't take responsibility. My girlfriend and i had never talked about kids considering how young we are so she had no idea about my disgust at the idea of having children and i had no idea about her dreams of a large family i just don't think it's fair that after taking every precaution within my means im now forced to financially support a child for 18 years that i don't want. While if my girlfriend could easily terminate the pregnancy with a pill at this point if she wanted. I've decided to leave the state and maybe even the country and my dad supports me and has even given me cash to get out and luckily i have dual citizenship. AITA for leaving and never seeing this child again? ######

Response:
 YTA

> I've decided to leave the state and maybe even the country and my dad supports me and has even given me cash to get out and luckily i have dual citizenship. AITA for leaving and never seeing this child again?

For that. Not wanting a kid is fine. Not facing your responsibilities, to the detriment of a child, is not fine. It is an asshole move.

> My girlfriend and i had never talked about kids considering how young we are so she had no idea about my disgust at the idea of having children and i had no idea about her dreams of a large family

Probably should be on the same page about what to do about an unexpected pregnancy before having sex. Although people's minds can change, which brings me to my second point.

> i just don't think it's fair that after taking every precaution within my means im now forced to financially support a child for 18 years that i don't want.

Listen bud, I commend you for condom usage, but it is not 100% effective, and so if you have intercourse you take the risk of your partner getting pregnant. At which point you have no choice in what happens next, since *it isn't happening in your body*. Which is why you don't get to pull this shit:

> my girlfriend could easily terminate the pregnancy with a pill at this point if she wanted.

You don't get to dictate what someone else does with their body. If guys want to be 100% sure that they don't have an unwanted child, the only surefire way is to not have sex. And if women want to make 100% sure they don't have an unwanted child (and they live in a reasonable country that respects women's bodily autonomy) then they have more options because they bear the burden of bearing children. This is the hand nature dealt. You played the game, and now that you've lost you need to pay up. ######


Prompt:
So a bit of a backstory is I’m a (27M) in a relationship with a (25M). We’ve been together for two years now, and I do love my boyfriend. The only thing is that he has a pretty severe stutter. His speech impediment isn’t so bad when it’s just me and him, but his anxiety towards his speech goes through the roof when we’re out in public.

In the beginning of our relationship, he would always have me order or speak on his behalf because it lessened his anxiety. But for the past couple months, he’s been taking speech therapy classes and is determined to speak for himself now out in public. The only thing is that he still cannot speak well. Nobody understands him at restaurants, and what should be a quick two minute chat turns into a 30 minute drawn out conversation where the other person is clearly uncomfortable because they can’t understand him.

So I’ve been continuing to speak on his behalf to make things easier for everyone, even though that goes against his wishes and it’s obvious he’s angry with me. He said he needs to practice speaking, but isn’t that what his therapy is for? It obviously makes other people uncomfortable and causes anxiety for my boyfriend, even though he’s trying not to admit it. So am AITA for continuing to speak on his behalf even though he’s told me to stop? ######

Response:
 YTA

> He said he needs to practice speaking, but isn’t that what his therapy is for?

If you take music lessons are you not expected to practice outside of class to get better? ######


Prompt:
Title sounds bad but there's a lot more to the story. Me and my gf are both 21 in uni. I live at home so she doesn't really come here as my mother is kinda conservative and is against her sleeping over. I mostly go to her place and we have sex play video games chill, smoke weed just hang and have fun. My gf has this habit of inviting me over and then telling me that she's on her period whenever we try to have sex (I'm okay having sex on one's period but she isnt' finds it gross)

I asked her numerous times to tell me before I come over just so my expectations are accurate. She doesn't or she'll tell me that she isn't yet and then when I arrive inform me that she just got it (which I think is a lie tbh but what do I know about periods really)

Anyway I told my older brother this and he said that she only does it cause I let her get away with it, I asked what he wanted me to do about it since I'm already there and our relationship isn't just sex. he suggested that I leave a few times and she'll eventually figure it's best to just be honest with me.

I recently took his advice much to the chagrin of my gf and she ended up posting about it on social media, I'm now being lambasted by girls everywhere calling me a misogynistic pig and other less happy language. The post has gone semi viral in my town and I'm wondering amitheasshole?

Well thanx guys it looks like I'm the AH since I'm supposedly acting entitled to sex. Ignoring the fact that she's entitled to my attention (as anyone could figure out from my post) this barrage has made me realise that this relationship isn't going anywhere. See my gf is a lot like the users of AITA, too wrapped up in gender stuff to ever see where I'm coming from. So I've decided to dump her since convincing you guys of anything is like pulling teeth and she's just gonna be the same. So well done, you've freed a girl from another patriarchal dickhead congrats. She's crying as we speak but that's what you wanted so good day ######

Response:
 YTA

“Let her get away with it”

Let her get away with what? Having a period? Not explicitly telling you that she was on her period? Not making it clear that you might not get laid every damn time you see her? ######


Prompt:
Throwaway. We're all in late 20s.

My best friend and I have been dating our SO's for a while and a month ago he proposed to his girlfriend. They recently came to our house and we saw the ring he bought and my girlfriend swooned over it. She asked if this was a Tiffany ring and what carat size and my friend and his girlfriend said it indeed a Tiffany ring and it was 1 carat. They didn't say much else about it and since I don't care about rings, I changed the topic.

After they left my girlfriend said she also wanted a Tiffany ring and at minimum it should be 1 carat if not more since I make around the same of money as my friend. I checked out the price and it was about $25-30k for a ring and I didn't want to pay that much but my girlfriend said it wasn't fair that she didn't get the same ring so in the end I went and bought it.

I recently went and complained to my friend about how much the ring was thinking he would understand. And he laughed and said he thought it was ridiculous too and I asked him if it bothered him to pay $30k for a ring. He said he didn't pay that much because he and his girlfriend reached a compromise where she would get a Tiffany 1 carat ring she wanted but they would buy it used and it ended being 1/3 of what I paid.

I was furious at him that he wasn't honest when they first showed me the ring and if he had said something, I could've done the same thing and saved myself $20k. He said that I shouldn't be mad because we never asked explicitly where they got it and that if the money was an issue, I should've talked to my girlfriend about getting a different ring.

I think he's the jerk for not being honest with me - AITA or is he? ######

Response:
 YTA

I’ve never said “oh I love your engagement ring” and then immediately turned to the person who proposed and demanded they inform me how much they paid for it, and whether it was market price or less and then how he managed to get it for less.

You even say that you changed the subject yourself. At what point during a conversation that you didn’t care about was he supposed to both bring up the subject of price and then say he bought it used so cheaper? ######


Prompt:
My parents invited My brother (22M) for dinner as we hadn't seen him in a while. I (20F) was weirded out because he brought his roommate to a family dinner. Halfway through the night he drops the 'boyfriend' bomb. See my best friend had asked my brother on a date (just the earlier that day!) and he said yes. She's has terrible insecurity, confidence, body image issue and has bad anxiety so that was a big thing for her. Now I was finding out he was gay and had a boyfriend. I insulted him and called him names (not homophobic slurs) because I couldn't believe he would do that to someone I consider a sister.

He said he felt really put on the spot when she asked and people where around and he didn't want to embarrass her. He said he was going to explain to her tomorrow that he was gay, which is why he was coming out to us now. He'd already told his boyfriend and I made him call her up right then and let her down.

My mom said I was too harsh on him after just coming out and in front of his boyfriend. ######

Response:
 YTA

He didn't want to embarrass your friend in front of a crowd and was planning to explain it to her properly after. You're treating him like a child by telling him what to do. Honestly, you sound like a difficult person to deal with. ######


Prompt:
My (26f) boyfriend (26m) decided to throw a party with a good amount of his friends and family. We had been together at this point in time for eight months.

He spoke of his siblings often and positively so I was excited to meet them. At the party I met a couple of the last remaining friends of his I haven’t been introduced too. As well as his 24 year old brother who is autistic, though I did not know that at the time !

I was talking to one of his friends that I’m not too familiar with, and she brought up a story about an autistic child who passed away a couple years ago as it was related to the protests going on.

I then said that was tragic and that I hope they come up with a way to do prenatal testing for autism, so that people don’t have to suffer with it in the future.My boyfriend’s brother heard this conversation and came over to us who, again I did not know was autistic. He was very angry and called me a eugenicist in front of everyone, and said that he hoped that prenatal testing never existed because of people like me.

I felt embarrassed with this happening in front of everyone else and left. I later asked my boyfriend why he didn’t tell me his brother had autism, because I wouldn’t have said anything like that if I knew. He said he shouldn’t have had to tell me because I shouldn’t hold those beliefs at all. He said it was very disappointing knowing that I thought like that and that I owed his brother an apology and a renunciation of my views. I disagreed and after a little bit of squabbling he just said let’s forget about he whole thing.

The reason why I’m asking now is that I saw his brother yesterday and he still won’t talk to me for more than a few sentences, which is progress but far too slow for my taste, so maybe I should apologize.

AITA for saying what I said ? ######

Response:
 YTA

" I then said that was tragic and that I hope they come up with a way to do prenatal testing for autism, so that people don’t have to suffer with it in the future. "

So by that, did you mean that you hope prenatal testing for autism will give parents-to-be a heads up so they can have an abortion?  Because, yeah, that's probably something you don't want to say in front of someone with autism or someone related to/who has friends with autism. ######


Prompt:
A bit of background: I was involved in a bit of bad stuff. Let's say I did some illegal things. Like "sell sweets". But one day I got caught and got taken to prison. This was around the time my son was born. Now my wife was scared for her life and divorced me and moved out of the house we lived in.

Now I had come out of prison after serving my time and I was struggling for a job. Until I found a good role l that was tailored to me. It was going around the country to schools and explain to them the consequences of "selling sweets". Eventually after a year I got back on my feet and felt confident enough to  tell my wife I was a changed man. I was feeling excstatic over the thought of seeing my son.

So I did what anyone would do, I searched her name on Facebook and went through so many profiles until I found her. I knew to not contact her as she would shut me down straight away. So I found her brother and contacted him. I told him what I was up to and told him I changed. He believed me and eventually I got to speak to my wife. She understood that I wanted to be in my sons life, so she told me to come over.

First we met in a restaurant, as she didn't trust me fully. I was happy I got to see my son for the first time in 15 years. I teared up a little. But he was being cold to me. And after we finished she told me to come to her house. But on the way to her house my son screamed to my wife. That I was a random she got of the streets and I can fuck off. I wasn't in his life for 15 years and he can survive without me. That I was a pathetic excuse for a father.

I let myself out of the car and I booked a hotel on the spot. So reddit AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA

*You* felt confident enough to “tell her”’you were a changed man??

You terrified her. You left her with a baby. You infringed on that sense of safety that took years to build. And you think you can waltz into your son’s life? No contact. No support.

Your entire post is about you, you, you. Your feelings.

You did not flex the empathy or self awareness required to have this first conversation. ######