Prompt:
I’ve (25F) been dating my boyfriend, “Van” (25M) for 6 months now. Van’s best friend is a girl named “Kayla”. Kayla is nice and I like her, but she has one annoying habit. She baby talks. Most of the time she talks in a normal voice but sometimes she whines or uses w’s behind her words because she thinks it’s cute. She calls Van her “big brudder” instead of “big brother”. She’s 24 years old.

Honestly, baby talk on adults is a huge peeve of mine. It’s not cute, you’re grown and I don’t understand whining. I’ve tried to ignore it or ask “what did you say” when she talks like a baby until she talks like an adult but it’s still annoying.

Recently we were all out to eat (me, Van, Kayla and Kayla’s boyfriend). Kayla looked at the menu, got excited and started squealing in a baby voice “I want chickie nuggies!!!” It was loud and kind of embarrassing. Later, she whined when her boyfriend had something she wanted.

That night, I texted Kayla and asked her to stop with the baby talk around me. I said she was a grown adult and it was hard to listen to. She got upset and said that I was being a bitch, that Van didn’t care, so she wouldn’t stop.

Van wants me to apologize but I feel I have nothing to apologize for. She can’t talk like this forever. Am I being an ass? ######

Response:
 YTA.
She sounds cringy and irritating. But _you_ sound like an incipient "well, MY ex-girlfriend--" one-upsmanship story.

You're allowed to have your peeves, but you're not allowed to try to enforce everyone else's behavior when they aren't doing anything that's actually hurtful to anybody, or dangerous in any way. I guarantee you have personal habits that upset other people who know you, but they're well-mannered enough to not make a thing of it. ######


Prompt:
For context, I’ve been close friends with this person for 7 or 8 years. I’m not going to give his real name for anonymity’s sake, but I’ve been calling him an abbreviated version of his first name, the equivalent of calling someone Mark instead of Marcus or Nate instead of Nathan, for most of our friendship, like many of our other friends including some of his relatives. In the past few months, he’s suddenly started correcting me every time I use the abbreviated form of his name. It’ll go something like this... Me: “Hey Mark, do you want to drive tonight or should I?” Him: “It’s *Marcus* and yeah I’ll drive.”

Obviously it’s not a huge deal for me to just call him by his full name, but it’s a hard habit to break and I don’t understand his reasoning. The abbreviated form of his name has no negative connotations as far as I know, and it’s a widely accepted and very normal name.

To me, calling someone a by an abbreviated name or nickname (unless it’s a derogatory or belittling one) is a sign of familiarity — almost a term of endearment — showing the closeness of a relationship or friendship. So when he asks me to use his full name, it feels needlessly formal, like he’s holding me at arm’s length or trying to craft a more serious persona for himself that must be adhered to by everyone.

I would understand much more if he was making a huge life change, like a trans woman embracing her identity by choosing a more fitting name for herself, but this is nothing like that.

Am I the asshole for being irritated by this?

TLDR: My longtime friend suddenly insists that I call him by his full first name instead of a shortened version and I don’t understand why. (Eg: “Marcus” instead of “Mark”) ######

Response:
 YTA.
It's his name, dude. he's making it very clear he doesn't like being called the short one. Not your business why. Show respect and assist accordingly ######


Prompt: Diagnosed with a kidney disease that ended up shutting my kidneys down back in 2017 and ended up on dialysis which has been a marathon of surgerys and hospital visits due to complications. I am on the waiting list for a deceased kidney but still looking at another 2-4 years before getting an offer. I’ve had several friends and a few family members attempt to be my live donor but none have passed the screening. My doctor recommended i ask a closer family member such as my brother to be my donor as it has a much higher success rate and typically lasts longer. I asked him and he flatly said NO because he doesn’t want it to interfere with his life plans which involve travel. He’s a single guy and i’m married with 5 kids and i feel like he could’ve at least thought about it a little bit. When i tried to bring it up again after another medical setback, he accused me of being an asshole for making him seem like the bad guy. Sooo...AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA.
I am sorry for what is happening to you, but you are not entitled to any part of your brother's body. It is an invasive procedure that will impact your brother as well.

Also, YTA for the way you are comparing your lives;  just because your brother is unmarried and childless,  it doesn't mean his life is any less valid than yours.

I do hope things get better for you as soon as possible, but your brother is entitled to make his own decisions about his body and his life. ######


Prompt:
So I (55) have a granddaughter (14) who wasn’t in her bed when her mom, my daughter(32), woke up. She called police after she didn’t turn up for hours.

We live in the same city as my daughter.

The police called and wanted to ask us some questions.

My husband and I have a policy that’s served us well through the years which is to never talk to cops without an attorney present.

So we told the man on the other line that we wanted to help her would rather have our lawyer reach out. The officer accepted what we said and we reached out to our attorney who will communicate with the police for us.

Now my daughter is angry because the time we spent counseling our attorney, and claims that the added time of back and force between the police, our attorney, and us, is “ stalling the investigation.”

AITA? In our neighborhood, we have all raised our children with the advice that of police come to ask questions, you lawyer up.

Clearly our daughter is not taking that advice which is on her, but are we really the assholes for asserting our rights? Pretty much everybody knows that her teenager ran away also.

My daughter’s blaming us now for the fact that a few simple questions is taking two days in the correspondence of all the questions needed to be asked when in her opinion “ it should have taken an hour.” ######

Response:
 YTA.
I am an attorney, and can totally appreciate that as a general rule. In fact, I’m clapping internally!

But when a child is missing, rearrange your priorities. Especially when it’s your own grandchild. Unless, of course, you had something to do with it...in which case, probably still YTA. ######


Prompt:
My ex is calling me an asshole because I am taking my two kids (4 and 11) back 5 days a week when school starts when he is saying they would be better off keeping their 50/50 schedule since school will be online in the fall.  I work 12 hour shifts 3 days a week (2 days on weekdays) so I told him my plan is to put my little one in day care from 7 am to 7 pm while I work and my 11 year old can stay home alone or go to his aunts.  He is used to staying home by himself and takes himself to school when he had in class school.

However my ex says I am being an ass by not keeping our current schedule where the kids are with him Saturday - Wednesday because he claims my 11 year
old doesn’t do well with his school work by himself and that it makes no sense to throw my 4 year old into day care that long when he could be with his dad.

I am their mother and they belong with me, going to school here where I live.  This is the only way I can make it work since I do have to make a living since my ex abandoned us.  If they stay with him my 11 yo will have to be with his girlfriend anyway until 12-2 PM when he gets back from work whom I do not trust so I don’t see the difference. ######

Response:
 YTA.
As a kid who grew up with split parents and them always fighting for custody, it’s horrible. Especially being left alone because they couldn’t get along. Your kids are older and it’s time for you to mature. Stop thinking of yourself and let your kids be with their dad. Just because you are their mother doesn’t make you the only one who wants or knows what’s always best for them. Let them split time with him because at the end of the day it will only hurt them by keeping them from him in the long run. ######


Prompt:
So I’m curious about the general consensus on this. I have a sister in law Jane, who I have a hot and cold relationship with. She can be very judgmental and righteous, but I don’t totally hate her. Jane’s commented in the past that my marriage makes her uncomfortable. Now I was the bitchiest sense of humor, and the first time I really thought my current husband might be *the one* was when I realized literally nothing I said offended him.

I lost a bet the other day, so my punishment was doing whatever he wanted for the day, and since my husband is a complete asshole, I knew it wasn’t going to be fun. Well I ended up in a French maid costume, but still it could have been worse, just bringing him what he wanted, and getting on my knees to profess my undying love (I have serious issues with saying nice things), and lots of massages. Anyway Jane showed up unannounced, which isn’t a big deal in our family, and wanted to hang out while she waited for her son at the doctor.

I explained the costume, but she looked kind of uncomfortable. So my husband just likes to piss me off, so every time I sat down he wanted something else. Jane looked super uncomfortable at this point, but I’m the dumbass who made the bet. Jane finally said she was leaving, and I asked if her son was done. She said no, but we have a gross relationship and this is some weird emotional abuse. I did text her that I was sorry if she was uncomfortable, but my husband maintains that I am not the asshole in this situation ######

Response:
 YTA.

Your relationship with your husband is your business.  I find the whole bet thing weird, but you do you.  Where you become the asshole is continuing this in front of your family.  The 'French Maid Costume' is a stereotypical kink thing as is dominance/submission.  You guys were essentially doing heavy foreplay in front of family.  Not cool.

Since you say unannounced drop ins are the norm in your family SIL gets a pass.  If not it would be ESH. ######


Prompt:
For context, I (22F) recently started a postgraduate degree in the UK, which due to COVID I was able to get in without sending official documents to prove I had met the requirements for the course. Instead I was able to send the university scanned copies of my certificates over email. I was not aware that I would need to show them the real documents once I began my course.

I have now begun the course and they have now  asked us to provide the original documentation (specifically my undergraduate degree certificate), which I left in the US. I messaged my brother (25M) who currently works in the US to mail me my original degree. At the post office they informed him that the delivery time would be 21 business days. He assumed this would be way too long of a delivery time, so ended up sending it with UPS instead for a shorter delivery time but it ended up costing $150, which I didn’t ask for. It’s literally a piece of paper, I have no idea how it’s costing that much, but he now expects me to pay him for that delivery cost. I told my parents that I couldn’t afford the price, and they said that it was my brother’s own fault for spending that much on delivery and that I shouldn’t have to reimburse him for that, but I still feel really guilty that I don’t want to pay him back for the delivery because he thought he was doing me a favour.

WIBTA If I didn’t pay him back on the grounds that I didn’t ask for it to be sent with UPS for that much money? ######

Response:
 YTA.

Your brother did you a huge favour, and made sure you got the document as soon as possible, to benefit you. And now you've left him hanging short of money. Better not ask him favours again. ######


Prompt:
My gf (31) and I (29) decided we would spend Saturday by getting pizza, eating it at the mountain which overlooks the city, and then heading back home to watch a movie and have some kinky sex. We hadn't done it in a while, so we were both in the mood.

Everything was going well, enjoying the usually warm weather, eating our yummy pizza and catching nice red/yellow foliage on the mountain. That is until I checked my phone and saw my friends wanted to hang-out. My friends and I are the type of people to rarely plan anything, gatherings usually happen spur-of-the-moment. I'm extremely close with them, but with COVID we've hardly seen each other this summer.

Our city is on the verge of being locked down again, and with the cold weather imminent, it might be a while before I see my friends again. So I told my gf, hey the guys might be hanging later, what If I skip the movie? She was annoyed, but said she would consider letting me go. So we dropped it and continued our date. We're walking around the mountain to get to the lookout, and I'll admit I was walking faster to end the date sooner, but she was also walking considerably slower, almost as if to keep me from going.

Anyways once we get home, I say ok I'm leaving to meet my friends (30 minutes away in the suburbs) and that we could have sex when I get back. She is shocked and immediately gets upset because I never confirmed I was going. I said yeah I told you earlier, but she claims she was joking and didn't think I would actually leave.

So I leave (9:30 pm) to meet my friends. Good times, beers in the park, but I eventually lose track of time and only get back at 2:00 am. Definitely too late for sex. The next morning she's pissed, claiming I'm not physically into her anymore, and tells me to sleep at my parents house for the week. Thoughts? ######

Response:
 YTA.

You skipped on a date that was not only already set, but were CURRENTLY ON in order to hang out with friends for a very spur-of-the moment get together.

Get the biggest bouquet of flowers you can find once you’re done sleeping at your parents for the week. You owe her at least that much. ######


Prompt:
I have 2 sons, R and K. R is 14 and K is 10. My kids are very different. R is very intelligent and has always excelled in school without giving any effort at all. He was always quite independent, and I never had to involve myself with his school, so I didn't. K, on the other hand, was never very good at school or at focusing, and his grades were never above a B.

My wife and I both work full time, and we were very nervous that K would not perform well in online school. I had the idea to have R tutor him, seeing as he was always good at math. which is K's worst subject.

R was not happy about giving up 2-3 hours a day to tutor K, but I told him that he needs to help his brother. And it worked super well! Within 3 days, K's practice scores went from 45% to 89%, but R was very frustrated because he had to "Teach things I never learned". He was talking about        training his number sense, and he complained that numbers "always came easily to him" and that he couldn't teach it. I told him that he was being arrogant, and that there was no need to flaunt his intelligence. I got kind of carried away and yelled at him that he doesn't deserve his success because his smarts are due only to his good genetics, not through hard work. He asked me what more he could do, saying that his grades were all 100 or more. I called him a liar. And he became extremely upset and locked himself in his room.

Today, R came downstairs as me and my wife were talking about K's suddenly better test scores. R commented, saying "He's got the right idea, setting the bar low". I asked him what he meant, and he said "He meets the bare minimum of expectations, and he gets praise like he cured polio. I break records, and I get an "oh, ok". When was the last time you told be you were proud" I was speechless. He went to his room and hasn't left since.

So, AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA.

You seriously told your 14 year old son that he doesn't deserve success? What the fuck dude ######


Prompt:
The title makes it sound a lot worse but basically I was in a bad mood the day it happened and she happened to ft me. She was asking me loads of questions and I was just frustrated is all and I just snapped. I didn’t say anything rude I just responded in an annoyed tone. She hung up shortly afterwards and I could tell she was crying.

Afterwards I apologized but she’s still annoyed with me.

There’s been times where she’s snapped and apologized and I’ve been cool with it but I feel like the one time I did it she overreacted.

For a bit of context her past relationships were very abusive so I think it brought out some bad memories.

Aita? ######

Response:
 YTA.

You know what, I actually get being a bit snappy and upsetting a significant other. I've done that. I've then apologised and definitely didn't characterise the other person as overreacting.

But you know she's been in abusive relationships and you say she's overreacting? Absolute asshole. Apologise to your gf, tell her you're going to learn how to speak up for yourself calmly so you don't snap in the future, and ask her how you can support her in feeling safe and secure. Don't you want her to feel that way in a relationship with you? ######


Prompt: I have HSV-1, the virus that typically causes cold sores in over 50% of the population. I sometimes also get it down there, but it’s the same virus. I went on a date with a guy I met on bumble last night. One thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. Yes we used protection. I wasn’t having an outbreak, so chances of passing it to him were slim to none. Usually I tell people I have herpes before sleeping with them, and they usually don’t care. I don’t know why I didn’t say anything this time around, I was feeling embarrassed about it. So am I the asshole for sleeping with him without telling him? ######

Response:
 YTA.

You have an STD.

>I wasn’t having an outbreak, so chances of passing it to him were slim to none

 Just because you aren't having a flare up doesn't mean you don't have to tell him about it. It's not your decision to make about what the chances are and whether those risks are worth it.

Equally, you must have caught herpes from someone and I can't imagine you were happy when that happened. Having experienced this, you should want to disclose it. ######


Prompt:
(Throwaway for obvious reasons.)

For some context, I (45M) have been dating this guy (42M) for around 4 years. We’ve had some pretty bad dips in our relationship, but I love him the same. He has three kids from his past marriage, two girls (16 and 12) and one boy (8M).

I have my own daughter (13). She has been diagnosed with ‘’’severe” misophonia’’’ by her therapist. I personally think she’s being way too oversensitive, and I don’t trust the therapist’s judgement very well. My daughter frequently complains about various noises such as white noise or eating sounds, which is quite disruptive. I tell her to stop, but she claims she can’t help it.

Anyway, the other day we were eating all together and her stepbrother was chewing with his mouth open. I have to admit, it was somwwhat obnoxious. But it is not my kid.

Then my daughter tells him to “Shut [his] mouth when eating for once.” Her stepbrother tears up and I tell her to stop being rude or I will restrict her phone again. She goes quiet and continues to eat as my husband scolds her for making his son feel bad.

After dinner she goes up to her room and doesn’t come out until it’s time for her to go to bed.

I personally don’t think IATA. She often overreacts and this is not the first time that she acts all down just because she got the scolding she needed.

So, Reddit, AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA.

You have a crap way of interacting with your daughter, and neither you nor your boyfriend are teaching the boy how to eat in the company of other people.

Misophonia is a real thing. You lack empathy towards your own child, as well as dismiss professional assessment of her disability. YTA and I feel sorry for the girl. ######


Prompt:
 I’m not Catholic at all, but I’m pretty sure that Catholicism states that you can’t have sex before marriage. My dad’s girlfriend and my dad aren’t married or even engaged, but they have sex at least once, if not more times per day, while she’s moaning at the top of her lungs. She’s also said some variations of “oh sweet baby Jesus” when they fuck. I don’t know if saying God’s name during sex is sinful but I’m pretty sure it’s not good, and what I am sure of is that pre-marital sex is sinful as a Catholic. I find it hilarious she attends all the Sunday sermons religiously but engages in pre-marital sex all the time.

Today, she told me that I should consider being Catholic and I was like, “Lol you’re a bad Catholic yourself dude.” She asked me why and I mentioned the pre-marital sex. She turned a bright shade of red. Later, my dad chewed me out and said that I was being rude and immature. He said that “sex is normal in adult relationships” and to “just get over it.” He also said I was going to be punished for being rude. So AITA? I was just saying the truth. ######

Response:
 YTA.

You had zero reason to humiliate your Dad’s girlfriend, but you chose to anyway. Just because an idea crosses your mind, doesn’t always mean that it needs to come out of your mouth.

And stop listening to your Dad fuck. It’s creepy and weird. ######


Prompt:
Throw away for obvious reasons.

I know the title sounds bad but bare with me!

I had my son when I was 19 and my daughter when I was 21.

My daughter is now 19.

My daughter was raised mostly by her grandmother for the first five years of her life because I worked full time as did my children’s dad, we had to so we could support them.

My children’s grandmother was never affectionate and my daughter picked up on that and she’s never been interested in hugs etc; I remember twice that I’ve hugged her, both times she was in hospital because she was sick.

My son is overly affectionate; he throws himself too fast into relationships and they often don’t last because of it.

My daughter is the opposite of him and she lacks any affection; she won’t kiss or hug her girlfriend, even holding hands in public is off the table and I’d  think maybe  she’s worried about homophobia if she wasn’t like it with everyone else.

She’s been dating a girl for the past year but unfortunately this girl cheated on her.

Unlike her brother, who when he got cheated on spent a month in bed crying, she’s seemed to move on instantly and doesn’t seem upset but then she asked me why I thought her girlfriend cheated on her and I told her the reason above, people like affection and feeling like they’re special and she didn’t do that.

Now she’s refusing to talk to me, not unusual for her because and I quote “talking is unnecessary” (she rarely talks) for her but my husband is extremely angry at me for not just comforting her, I told her the truth as she asked for it. ######

Response:
 YTA.

You essentially victim blamed your own daughter. What a shitty thing to do. The gf cheated - that's all on *her*. Your daughter isn't responsible for her gf cheating. ######


Prompt:
I was with my brother and we were going to get food, and for some context stuff like this happens all time when I'm with him and I had just worked a 12-hour shift in the hospital as a neo-natal nurse and as you can imagine I have to see a lot of babies dying. My brother has always been more successful with women than me mostly due to him being far more attractive than me, I have a GF so it doesn't really affect me like it used to but in my youth, I had some dark thoughts. Though I realized I'm actually a decent looking guy it's just he's way more attractive than me.

I wanted to get a burger since I was exhausted, and my brother works in the city where I live he still lives at home but he catches the train, we met up and went to the place where we usually get burgers and the cashier started flirting with my brother and they were talking for ages and when I tried to get what I wanted to eat I was straight-up ignored. And normally I'm used to being in my brother's shadow but for some reason, this made me angry and I told her to stop trying to suck my brother's dick and take my order she asked me what I can get for you and then I said "so you finally decided to start serving your customers"

I ordered what I usually did and my brother took his burger and we left and my brother said I didn't have to be rude to her, and I got angry and said that I'm sick of people ignoring me whenever your around and that she was being rude. He said that he thought I was better than that and left I  got home and told my girlfriend what happened and she sided with me and said the server was being extremely rude by ignoring me. So now I'm conflicted

AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA.

You could of worded it way better. What’s wrong with you?

“Hey, I’ve had a long day. Can I please place my order and you can continue talking to my brother”

Not “stop trying to suck my brothers dick”

She has no idea what you go through in a day, it’s not personal. She started to serve you and you STILL decided to be a complete dick. ######


Prompt:
My DIL and my son just had a little boy a few weeks ago. When he was born my older grandchild called me and told me that the baby looked like her grandpa as they have the same nose.

My husband has stayed with my DIL and my son for a few months after I had surgery and had to stay in a nursing home for awhile since I had to recover. I’m home now and my husband is back home with me.

We went to see the baby and I mentioned to my son as to how much the baby looks like his father and he just smiled and said “he’s such a beautiful boy isn’t he?” I nodded and then my DIL came in and I said “he looks a lot like my husband” she says “genetics are weird aren’t they?” And then I say “very, since he looks nothing like you or my son but identical to my husband and he did stay here for a few months”

My son got angrier and asked if I was insinuating something and I told him it just seemed like an odd coincidence. He was so angry that he asked me to leave.

He isn’t speaking to me and my husband is also very upset with me and told me that I had little faith in him and that I need to apologize to him, my son and my DIL. I just find it odd he looks absolutely nothing like my son but identical to my husband. I have a right to be concerned and now they think I’m an AH. AITA for just questioning them about it? ######

Response:
 YTA.

WTF is wrong with you? ######


Prompt:
Me and my girlfriend of 3 years were out for a dinner in a restaurant (outdoor setting). We were having a pretty good night, the conversation was fun.

We both ordered chicken breasts. She always makes fun of me that I ask for ketchup because she "doesn't like eating chicken breasts with ketchup".

After we start eating she takes her fork with meat and puts it on my plate in ketchup. I didn't mind the first time, kinda cute.

Then it happened again, I politely say, please put ketchup on your plate. She ignores me, and does it again.

I say again "please put ketchup on your plate". She ignores me again.

I stop saying anything and she kept doing the same for 4-5 times.

On the 6-7th time, I was just about to put my fork on the ketchup, and she hurries and does it just a split second before me.

I snaped and said "oh my FUCKING god" and grabbed the ketchup (which was in front of hed) and put it on her plate. And put some more in mine. Then I said "THERE, start eating on your plate".

I'm a very calm person. The volume of my words were a bit louder than I'd liked, but in the moment I lost it and I wasn't in control. I immediately said "sorry".

In the car on our way home she said that I ruined the night, that people stared when I yelled, and that she wasn't doing anything wrong. She said she was lazy to put the ketchup on her plate, and didn't want it to go to waste because she "doesn't even like ketchup".

I explained my prespective and that I lost controll. I apologized again.

She didn't apologize and still continues to hold a grudge the next day.

Am I the asshole here? ######

Response:
 YTA.

Why the hell did you need to shout, and why did you get so annoyed? More importantly, why does she owe you an apology?!

I get how that can be frustrating, but is it possible your SO thought it would be cute? Perhaps she was trying to have fun with you?

Regardless, shouting at your SO in public over something this petty is frankly shameful. ######


Prompt:
Where I live the quarantine has been almost lifted, seeking human interaction I decided to go out with an old friend of mine.
I find out this friend of mine has a girlfriend, doubting the validity of his claims I ask for pictures.
He shows them to me and I immediately recognize her to be a girl form my old school, known because her nudes were leaked by a bunch of guys that she dated.
She has now rebranded herself as a christian girl, much to my friends tastes, and from what I've seen she has told him that she is a virgin and waiting for marriage, which is false.

So WIBTA if I told my friend that his girl is lying, and using the photos in my phone as proof?

I don't want to do that because it would be fucked up but it's the only way I see I can get to him. ######

Response:
 YTA.

Why in the world would you keep nudes of someone that didn't give them to you? That's a gross invasion of privacy. Then to hold them over her head as if you've got some sort of moral high ground? When you are seriously considering willingly distributing them without her consent?

Yeah, YTA majorly. ######


Prompt:
This happened some time ago but I still think about it from time to time and would just like to know if I was the ah in the situation.

When I was 18 my parents decided to end their marriage of almost twenty years. They decided to release this information a bit before Christmas on my final year of high school.

The chaos that ensued and the poor behavior of people around caused the next half a year to be miserable. Divorces with children are always hard and my parents didn’t necessarily get along splendidly.

Because of their decision, I was under a lot of stress and it caused for me to not reach my goals with my final exams that are very important during applying for higher education. I basically failed all of them.

I judged my parents heavily for their timing. I was angry. Not only because they wanted a divorce, in my eyes that was inevitable, but because they decided to do it during the most stressful time of my life.

My parents didn’t share my view of them being even slightly responsible for me failing my final year and missing out on all the activities that happened and that I couldn’t attend because of the stress it caused.

I was very vocal about my opinion of them being selfish and self centered. It’s not like their marriage was ruined overnight so why make a decision like that right when their child is going through a very stressful time already? I was very angry and held it against them for a long time, I still do.

Was I the ah for demanding my parents to keep at it for another four months, just enough for me to do my exams? Was I the ah for demanding they pretend for the time and keep it just between them? ######

Response:
 YTA.

What on earth would them forcing themselves to be together for 4 months have helped you. The added stress and bickering would've been horrible. Peoples lives and feelings don't pause just because you have exams coming. ######


Prompt: Hi! So, my friend had invited myself and some friends to brunch at a local café for her birthday. I'm conflicted, because since we were invited to specifically brunch at this place, and of course, were expected to bring gifts (as you do for birthdays). I would accept if she had mentioned that we were paying for our own brunch, however that wasn't mentioned. This friend is a good friend, don't get me wrong, however I am conflicted. ######

Response:
 YTA.

Unless someone specifically tells you they'll be paying, assume you're paying for your portion. ######


Prompt:
We rarely talk unless it has something to do with our kids. Lately our 12yo son has gotten "mouthy" at her and she asked me to talk to him. I found it ironic because she has always been a cold bitch to me lol.

I did talk to him. He's not anymore mouthy than any other 12yo. He said he didn't know she was mad because did not "look mad."

I told my ex "you can't blame him for not seeing how it upsets you with all that botox in your face."
She denied it, but I told her it was obvious and she couldn't move her face to grimace at our son. ######

Response:
 YTA.

Totally unnecessary insult. Your ex asked you to be a co-parent and assist with a behavioural problem. You acted like a mouthy little shit. Maybe she sucks too, but I still pity the woman who has to co-parent with you.

100% you're the asshole. ######


Prompt:
I (20/f) have a small group of friends and recently a new guy joined us (Jack). Jack is pretty friendly & cute but he has the most SEVERE stutter I’ve ever heard in my life. Tbh, it’s tiring to deal with it. My friends really like him and put up with his speech but I find it extremely difficult.

Whenever we all hang out and he talks, I just finish the sentence for him if he’s taking especially long to get there. For example he’ll say “I w-w-ent h-h-h-o-“ and I’ll say  — “home?”. My friends told me to stop doing that and told me in private that I’m embarrassing/ hurting Jack. However from what I’ve seen he doesn’t seem to mind it at all.

Btw Jack and I text each other and he asked me on a few occasions if I want to hang out 1 on 1 (probably Cos we have similar hobbies). The thing is, his stutter is 1000x times worse when he talks to me directly. There’s no way I can put up with that for more than 2 minutes. So I declined each time and he told me it’s fine.

Anyway a couple of days ago Jack was super excited and telling us that he won a prize in some writing competition he entered. But as you know, it took him a **LONG** time to tell us he won. So I basically finished his sentence while he broke the news which is apparently the worst thing I could’ve done. Literally all of my friends yelled at me to “SHUT UP” at the same time.

I was verbally attacked by everyone which was so hurtful that I just left. I had no bad intentions yet everyone is acting like I’m such a horrible person. Jack actually reached out to me and said that he doesn’t want me to be upset. Well I’m very upset but don’t know if I’m truly the asshole or not. ######

Response:
 YTA.

Tiring for you to deal with? Imagine how tiring it must be for him. He’s your friend and you should be accommodating.

My sister stutters and yes, at times there’s that tiny bit of annoyance but I’ve learned to put that aside and be patient and LISTEN. That’s all you need to do. If you don’t have that kind of patience, don’t be friends with him.

And here’s a slap of perspective, have you ever wondered why he stutters even more around you? Maybe it’s because you finish his sentences for him, maybe he can see your annoyance and frustration, and he probably gets nervous. Anxiety and nerves make a persons stuttering worse (speech therapist told my sister this), so yeah YTA. ######


Prompt:
My oldest daughter (8) has the personality of the kid in a Christmas movie who gets the miserly banker to save the orphanage. Seriously sunshine, rainbows, postivity all the time. When she was smaller, she went through a vintage Disney phase, and her favorite was Pollyanna. She would pretend to be the titular character, and the nickname stuck.

My youngest daughters (5) first word was a huge “NO” when I tried to get to finish her peas one night. She is the most strong headed, unshakable child I ever met and has a flair for dramatics. I love this about her! She also used to throw some spectacular tantrums. During one of these tantrums, my wife called her a “primadonna” and the nickname stuck.

Recently, my mother and I were talking over the phone and she layed into me about these nicknames. She said they would make my kids feel divisive, and that I was playing into the bad parts of their personalities. I don’t think they’re bad! It also comes as part of parenting that I’ve talked to my oldest daughter about how it’s okay to feel sad sometimes, and things might not always feel happy (especially in recent times) and I talk to my youngest daughter about how it’s okay to have strong emotions and we can express ourselves how we want. Really, wife and I just think they’re cute nicknames, and the girls have never expressed being upset by them. They’re probably also called their real names 80% of the time. Now I’m wondering though. Maybe you all could provide a unbiased opinion? AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA.

The nicknames don't stem from the same real place - something each daughter can be proud of.

Your wife called your daughter a prima donna during a fight, out of frustration.   Not nearly the same origin as Pollyana.

Find something you instinctively called her out of love and endearment.  Both your daughters deserve that. ######


Prompt:
My husband wanted to go visit his mom the other day and I really didn’t want to drag the kids over there because I feel like she makes it obvious she doesn’t want to be a grandmother but my husband keeps pushing it. She doesn’t like to be touched, like to an extreme and doesn’t want her own grandchildren touching her. So I have to explain to my 5 and 7 year old why they can’t touch their grandmother.

She is remarried to a man with a nine year old daughter and she has been around since the kid was three. She claims she is just frigid and can’t stand being touched unless it’s a man but when we were over her husband was going to take her stepdaughter home and they hugged. I’ve seem her be physically affectionate with her stepdaughter in the past and it really bothers me. I said I thought no one was allowed to touch you. We ended up fighting and I said I just wanted to know why hugged her stepdaughter.

My MIL started sobbing and that’s a big deal because this woman never shows emotion. She screamed something about do I think she likes being this way and then locked herself in her bedroom. Her husband told us to go back to our welfare lives and leave his family alone, so pretty much implying that we’re not his family. ######

Response:
 YTA.

The fact that she screamed "do you think I want to be like this" tells me she has an underlying issue about why she doesn't like to be touched. Attacking her over that was uncalled for.

Also, people have the right to not be touched. They also get to choose who does and does not get to touch them. Her body, her choice. Perhaps this is a good opportunity to ask yourself why you feel like you have the right to police your MIL's bodily autonomy. ######


Prompt:
So my sister and her wife were together for five years. They got a sperm donor last year and my sister got pregnant. When they were in the beginning stages of considering pregnancy, advised my sister to let her wife be the one to carry the baby or have her wife’s egg implanted in her.

I said that because two years ago her wife cheated and they went to couples therapy and worked through it. Her wife cheated after my sister got in a car accident and was overwhelmed. A baby is overwhelming and if her wife were to jump shit, my sister would be left a single mother. Having her wife carry the baby or having my sister carry the baby with her wife’s egg ensures that even if they were to end things, her wife still has responsibility.

My sister snapped and said to mind my own business. She was gonna carry the baby with her egg and the sperm donors sperm. I said okay...

Well surprise surprise. She’s five months pregnant and her wife caught a flight to Vegas and has been MIA for two weeks. My sister is in hysterics. I consoled her but after a few days of listening to her ranting about being a single mother, I reminded her that I did tell her not to do it the way they did because all the responsibility would be on her. She called me the asshole but I was just being honest. ######

Response:
 YTA.

Talking to her about her marriage before she got pregnant was totally reasonable.

But at this point she's pregnant and going in for the "I told you so" is both mean and pointless.  "I'm just being honest" isn't a great defense for cruelty. ######


Prompt:
I recently broke off a friendship with a girl I'd known since kindergarden because I really think she was faking these illnesses she was claiming to have. She is always on crutches and wearing braces cause she says her joints "dislocate" and she even used a wheelchair sometimes. I think she just likes the attention because people are always asking her what happened and helping her. I have always been at least polite, but now it's just ridiculous.

She says she can't even stand for 5 minutes without passing out and that she gets allergic reactions to stuff like my perfume. (she asked me not to spray it around her, but I know she was being over dramatic when she "had to use an epipen" because i sprayed one little squirt)

She misses so much school and can never do anything with our friend group anymore, so our other friends go to her house, but I just want to go to the mall, is that so wrong???

One day before walking to class she asked me to carry her backpack for her even though she wasn't even using crutches that day so I said no. (I'd usually say no anyway because I know she's fully capable of carrying it herself) And she just said please because her shoulders were "dislocating" a lot that day and I told her to quit her bullshirt because that isn't even possible. I told her that unless she stops faking all of these problems I am so done with our friendship and she just sat their crying asking what she did wrong. I told her that I want a friend who will actually go places with me and be at school all the time for me to talk to and stuff. Then I walked away and I haven't talked to her since.

Our mutual friends are all telling me that I'm an asshole and I should apologize, but I don't really see anything wrong with what I did. AITA??? ######

Response:
 YTA.

Sounds like you don't even know what's wrong with her, but there ARE diseases that cause joints to dislocate like that.

Have you ever even bothered to ask her what's wrong?

If she has all this medical equipment, she's either rich, or insurance is covering it. If insurance is covering it, it's because she's actually got medical problems. If he parents are buying the stuff, they'd have to be a special kind of delusional to help her fake a sickness.

Disabilities come in all shapes and sizes, and lots of them aren't well known and are hidden.

You sound like a shitty friend honestly ######


Prompt:
My girlfriend informed me the other day that she was going on a trip with the people mentioned above. She said she was taking our son with her and didn’t mention inviting me, hence the title “girls weekend.” I said, word for word, in a smart-ass tone “take pictures of my son when he first sees the ocean.” I told her I wanted to keep our son with me at home and I have never kept him more than 8 hours while she’s at work. Covid is part of my concern.

Backstory: I have been a constant source of stress for my girlfriend. A 12 year drug problem of which 6 years I’ve been with her. I’ve just recently quit the drugs this year and have replaced it with smoking weed and when I’m out of weed I drink. We argue when I drink bc she doesn’t like that either and says I’m a “mean drunk.” ######

Response:
 YTA.

So, you plan on watching your two year old while you are high or drunk, and you will be the only adult present?

Once you are able to put your drug problems behind you for good,, then you can request your son stay with you. ######


Prompt:
My friend (we’ll call her Irene) is 21, and had her daughter very young, she’s only 6 months.

Recently her and 2 of our friends were talking about having a weekend together, and Irene’s boyfriend would have their daughter. One of the girls in our “group” said we should all trip since we’ll have the night we get together and then another day to relax from the “hangover”.  Irene said it sounds fun and she’s excited for our weekend together, but I told her it wasn’t a good idea.

I asked what if something happened to her daughter while she was gone, or needed to leave immediately. She said her boyfriend can handle their daughter and if she absolutely needs to leave she’ll take an Uber. I told her she’s ridiculous and is an irresponsible parent if she’s that persistent on doing drugs when she has a daughter at home, and she can trip sit if she’d like, if we even decide to do it. Irene got a bit upset and said she just wanted to have fun with us, and the last time she did anything of that sort was around 2 years ago, and she’s allowed to have fun even though she has a child. I responded with just “irresponsible parent” and she left the group chat.

My other 2 friends flipped out on me and said I should’ve just kept my mouth shut, and that Irene knows how to take care of her daughter, and Irene would never do anything that would put her daughter in danger. I told them she is being irresponsible, and they proceeded to leave the group chat. They all think I’ve ruined our weekend plans together, especially after not seeing each other for months.

TLDR; my friend Irene who is 21 wants to do acid with 2 or our friends and I. She has a daughter, and I told her she’d be irresponsible to trip with us, but she’s welcome to be a trip sitter and still hang out. Her and our friends are mad at me, and said I ruined our weekend plans and should’ve kept my mouth shut. AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA.

Shes allowed to have her own life and experiences. Her daughter is being cared for, BY THE FATHER. I'm sure he can handle it. She's not doing drugs around her child.

By your logic she shouldnt drink any alcohol, or smoke weed, or go to a movie and shut her phone at any point really. Because she has a daughter. When does that prohibition stop? When the kid is 3? 5? 10? 18?

Mind your own business jeez. ######


Prompt:
I wasn't trying to be mean, and I only told her this because she asked for a guy's opinion after spending the last year not having much luck with dating. She had a hard time understanding why since in the past she's never had that issue.

I'm not in the habit of beating around the bush when people ask me for my honest opinion, so I told her that she has to come to terms with the fact that her dating pool has changed. She is twice divorced with kids from each ex, so a lot of guys will view her as damaged goods. It's not because there is anything wrong with her per se, but it's a lot of baggage to bring into a new relationship. They have to deal with two ex husbands and three step kids, and that complicates things and limits their relationship with her. A lot of people just don't want to juggle all of that. I would not.

It may have been hard for her to hear, but I stand by that opinion because it's true in my experience. She didn't agree and took offence to what I said, particularly the part about her being damaged goods. She now is refusing to speak to me unless I apologize.

I've asked a few people close to me if I was too harsh, and they all agreed that I could have been nicer in how I expressed my opinion. They don't think I am the asshole for what I said but how I said it. I'm just not sure if I agree with that since I don't know of a better way to tell someone that they need to be more realistic because they have too much baggage which makes them unattractive to most people. Saying that is essentially the same thing as saying they are damaged goods.

AITA for what I said or how I said it? ######

Response:
 YTA.

Saying she has baggage is not the same as saying she's damaged goods. Not in the least. That was an asshole thing to say.

Try a little tact. ######


Prompt:
I(25M) have an older brother who I'll call bro (30M) who is father to his daughter, G(5F). Recently, he had found out that his Fiancé(31F) had unprotected intercourse with someone else (open relationship) and that G might not be his. Bro is emotionally attached to this child, as a father would be, so even if G wasn't his he would still consider G his daughter.

Well, last week the test came in and unfortunately G is not biologically his. Bro was true to his word and and treated G as his own, and props to him for doing that. He stayed with Fiancé. I, however, don't want any further relationship with G. You see, I am planning on paying for G's college as I was well off, so I would also be leaving Bro and Fiancé to their own devices.

After hearing this, Fiancé call me begging that I pay for G's College. I said no. She then asked how she was going to pay for G, and I said that A.) she could stop relying on people to pay for her children and work for a change, B.) She could get the father  to pay or C. ) Acknowledge that her s*x drive had gotten her into this mess so maybe she can do what money moochers like herself do and go find a rich man to pay for her mistakes. She cried at C and then hung up. Later her mother called saying that Fiancé honestly didn't want to mooch off of Bro and that my comment was a horrible thing to say. I told her to not contact me again as we are not related.

 Bro was mad at me saying that I shouldn't of been horrible to Fiancé. I accused him of picking the person who wronged him over the person who defended him. He said that who he is with is none of my business and that I am crossing too many boundaries with my comments. I accused him of only caring for my opinion when it gets him money and that he's a gold digger. We haven't spoken since but my mum is calling me the AH as I should at least be there for G.

Is she right? ######

Response:
 YTA.

No one's asking for your opinion about thier lifestyle choices, my man. You're "defending" someone who doesn't want or need to be defended. And you're being horrible to your SIL for no reason.

You don't have to pay for the kid's schooling if you don't want. But the whole "I don't want a relationship with this infant because we're not blood relations" isn't a great look. ######


Prompt:
She made it very clear she does not want to have children. She is our 2nd adopted child. Unfortunately we have not been able to parent our own children, we tried our best.

She has not been very receptive to our collective response, and has been very reclusive, out from the usual. Has been acting out, and physical at times.

I love her so much. This is hurtful, to me and her, as we do not know how to respond properly. She is my beautiful daughter. ######

Response:
 YTA.

Like, will your inheritance to whomever you wish, but this is obviously more about control. She is not a baby incubator, and not every woman needs or wants to have kids. Your hurt is understandable, but it is something you should work through with a therapist, not weaponize against your child. ######


Prompt:
This actually happened a long while ago but we recently saw each other again and she was really angry at me and when I asked around, this came up.

So I was in a pretty complicated 'situationship' with this girl, Samantha (fake name). We never dated or were much friends but we regularly hooked up and chilled together in our group. Used protection but she got pregnant nonetheless. She said I was her only sexual partner and I believed her. We ended things pretty awkwardly a few weeks later but agreed to co parent what was going to be our child. Long story short, when she was around 2 months she was in a car accident and the baby didn't survive it. At the time I was overseas visiting my dad and uncles'. I wasn't that attached yet but I was a bit upset about it. Anyways, I guess I only really asked her how she was when she messaged me telkingme about it and that was the last time we spoke. That trip also kind of progressed into a move and job at my uncle's place and I only recently came back to visit my mother when I saw Sam again. So yeah, apparently I was an asshole for not comforting her or caring enough to ask how she was and just leaving her. We'd already 'broken up' at that point so i don't think I was that much of an asshole. AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA.

I don't care if I get downvoted for this. But even if she was a simple friend, you should have checked on her. In these kinds of moments, any kind of support matters and makes a lot of difference to the person. You were careless, and your carelessness must've deeply hurt her. ######


Prompt:
My gf was walking from work to her home today and wanted to talk on the phone. We are currently long distance because of the pandemic, so I'm kind of used to us talking through phone - the usual how your day went, venting about customers, me talking about my buddies, my games etc.

Idk why but after some time I just wanted to stop talking. Not sure if I just didnt want to talk or because I wanted to go back to my pc to play, but I decided to say goodbye to my gf. She went silent for a few seconds then told me she tought I will at least wait until she gets home.

I asked her if she has a long way to go still, because I'm right in front of my house and want to go inside already (I went to take a walk to talk to her) and then she went silent again, told me nevermind & added that she doesnt want to force me to talk for a three more minutes until she gets home if I really don't want to.

Am I the asshole for not waiting until she's at her home? I feel like she's mad at me or something. Usually she writes to me once she's safe at her place but this time I had to blow up her phone after some time and ask her myself if she's alright ######

Response:
 YTA.

Her safety should be important to you, and if you normally do it, why was this time any different? Because of video games? Dude, that's not fair at all. If you didn't want to talk, say that, but at least call back in that time frame to make sure, not text. ######


Prompt:
I'm black. My girlfriend is not. We had a baby three months ago. When she was a baby, she looked like me, but she's 3 months old and now she doesn't look like me except for curly hair. But she don't have black hair, she has big loose curly curls, if that makes sense. She's also VERY light skinned. I'm light skinned, so I could see her being light brown, but she's really pale.

I asked my girlfriend if I was the baby's dad. She got mad, but I think it's a reasonable thing to ask. I don't have any other reason to think she cheated on me, but the baby looks nothing like me, so IDK

AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA.

Genetics are weird. Plus, you said your GF isn't black.

Get a test if you want, but genetics can skip generations. ######


Prompt:
A bit of a background story : my son (let's call him isaac ) and I along with his father and siblings moved to this new country 2 years ago where we dont have any friends  , however , my side of the family lives near to my house and my husband's side of family lives in the same country but in a different city (90 km away)  ,isaac  had always been the quiet kind of guy , he is not shy in particular but still queit  , he made friends here and hang out with them but not very much , his friends invite him but he sometimes cancels without a real excuse in my opinion.

    The quarantine had been lifted month ago ,My husband and I enjoy going to my mum's (let's call his grandma emma ) house and we like to get isaac and his siblings engaged so we get them to go with us so they could enjoy time with their cousins , isaac always complain about this "obsession" and says that ,  if we get bored that easily then we should try to try an other parts of the city instead of going to the same place (Emma's house) over and over .

    however I dont feel the need to do that because I find Emma's house entertaining enough for me and isaac so I always try to  get  isaac to go with me when he has nothing else to do because I want to break his shell and I dont want him to be "introverted" .

  One Week ago , our family just returned from my husband's side of family and thought it would be a good idea to go to emma's house , issac was furious and said that we are obsessed and need to be a bit more independent , I told emma about this , and now she teases him about his complaining not to go to her house whenever she sees him , now he got even more stubborn and started hanging out with his friends like crazy so he can stop going to his grandma .

      When I comforted him about it , he told me that's  what I get for using passive aggressive behaviour and telling Emma .

Am I the asshole ? ######

Response:
 YTA.

First off, you need to learn to respect your son's boundaries. If he doesn't want to go, then stop making him go.

Second, "introverted" is not a dirty word. Stop acting like it's a bad thing. Not everyone enjoys being around people *all the time*, and *that is okay*.

And third... You really think forcing him to go to grandma's house is going to make him not be an introvert? All it's going to teach him is to not talk to you because you clearly don't respect his right *as a person* to set boundaries.

Finally, tell Emma to stop making fun of your kid. Making fun of people is what bullies do. You really don't want him to remember her as "the bully who made fun of me for not wanting to go visit her literally every single day".

Here's the thing. HE IS A KID. Let him play with his friends, let him be a kid, and stop forcing him to go see grandma. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway, of course, since we are 99% set on the name and don’t need my child’s name tied to my Reddit history.

My wife and I are huge fans of the Star Wars movies. Huge. We met while camping out for the premiere of The Force Awakens. Our spark was instant, and just a year later, I proposed with a ring hanging from the arm of a Rey Funko figure and she said yes.

Everything about us is Star Wars, and I mean everything from what we watch, to what we play, to our home decor. Our friends think we are a bit nutty but have always respected it until my wife got pregnant and we shared the name we wanted when we found out we are having a girl.

Captain-Phasma. The whole name, like Mary-Kate.

She’s due in 6 weeks, and once we announced the name on a Zoom meeting with our family and closest friends, they went from being happy and excited to appalled. They think we are messing up the child for this.

My wife and I were both bullied as kids, including myself for having a name associated with a girl (example: Jordan), and we think a strong name would make other kids in awe of our daughter. Especially once you have the tie-in to Gwendolyn Christie, who is basically a warrior. Our daughter should be both respected and feared.

My parents are begging us to consider naming our girl Gwendolyn or Brienne even (for Christie’s Game of Thrones character). Honestly it’s a sore point with my wife and me because she watched the show behind my back, and it bothers me. And my parents know this. So I definitely would not consent to naming her Brienne, even though I respect Christie and her talents in the clips I’ve seen.

So AITA (or are we the asshole) for wanting to name our daughter after a strong female character from our favorite movies? I feel like between Star Wars being where we got our start and our lives basically that it shouldn’t be so bad. ######

Response:
 YTA.

Don't name children after fictional space fascists, you goons. Being a kid is hard enough without having to start every school year with "Hi my name is literally Captain Phasma. Yes, I do hate my parents." ######


Prompt:
Hi guys, I saw another post about a weird name and thought I'd make my own.

I've got a dillemma. I work as a sort of manager of a bunch of what would normally be independent contractors, doing work in and around customers' homes. Crucially for this story, all the paperwork prominently bears the name of the relevant contractor(s) and customers are going to become well familiarized with them because it usually requires several consecutive visits.

Well, a couple weeks ago I was introduced to someone new, looking to join our team. It's important to mention that this introduction was by a mutual friend, and was done entirely in person. I generally trust this person's judgement (they've shown me two great hires before), so I was more than willing to get to know "Mr Peneston", as I interpreted it at the time, better.

And indeed, it seemed like my friend had done it again - the new guy seemed both eager and capable, and so I agreed to let him send me his official transcripts and I'd seriously consider bringing him on.

That's where disaster struck. Because on this guy's resume and academic records was the real spelling of his name. It's not "Peneston", like it sounds, but in fact *Penistown*. I...I just *can't* make my customers agree to sign off on work by "[Firstname] Penistown". A lot of them will think I am playing some kind of immature joke, and a lot more will just be offended and create a lot of bad messaging (a lot of our customers are, shall we say, stick-in-the-mud types due to the region we tend to operate).

I like the guy, I really do, but I can't shake the fear that taking him on with a name like that is just going to result in alienating a ton of our customers and hurt the business long-term. Am I being an asshole if I pass him up (and would it be a good idea to tell him why)? ######

Response:
 YTA.

Don't discriminate against someone just because of their name! (Or in general...)

I mean, if he was illequipped for the job, sure - don't hire him. But you're saying the ONLY issue you have is his name? No. Not okay! ######


Prompt: My daughter is currently in her second year of college and has all around been doing great, making me and her father very proud. Because of the insane cost of tuition (almost $40 thousand a year) and the fact that we run a fairly successful car rental business, we agreed that as her parents we'd cover up to three quarters of that, contingent upon her grades, with lower grades earning less aid (roughly equal to $8 thousand per point of GPA). This has worked great for everyone, but now we have a problem. My daughter has a beautiful name both me and her father took great pains to choose well, and it's a lovely mark of our heritage. Unfortunately, apparently basically nobody she knows can pronounce it properly, even after hearing it spoken over and over again. According to my daughter, English just doesn't have some of the sounds the name does, and so English speakers just don't know how to say it. So she wants to change it. To Michelle. **Michelle!**. This makes me furious. We've already had to sully the written form of her name by transcribing it into English lettering (good luck finding any official documentation that allows for non-English letters!), and now she wants to throw it away completely! So I've told her that if she changes her name, our aid deal is null and void. We'll still be her parents, but we won't donate big sums of money to someone so disrespectful. She had a melt down and said all sorts of horrible things, but I think she's just deflecting. Can't we choose how to spend our money? ######

Response:
 YTA.

Consider this scenario:

"My husband and I made a deal with our daughter to pay 75% of her tuition as long as she maintains an agreed-upon GPA.

In an unrelated note, she expressed a desire to change her name to something that will be easier for people to say without butchering. This upset us, so we threatened to withdraw our financial support even though it had nothing to do with the terms of our agreement.

That put her back in line... For a while.

Until she wanted to change her major. Well, we didn't give her permission to grow and develop new passions at uni, and we're certainly not paying for her to change her mind! We told her to stick with her major and double down or no more assistance for you, young lady. That sorted that.... For a while.

Then she started dating this person. Nothing wrong with them, really. Polite enough, but there's that one *thing* we just can't stand about her partner. So we told her if she doesn't break things off immediately, we'll withdraw our financial support even though her GPA is at the agreed upon level.

That did the trick, for a while. She stopped returning our calls as promptly, and said she wouldn't be coming home for holidays and breaks, which deeply offended us. We're paying 75% of her tuition! So we told her to get with the program or we're cutting her off.

*That* did the trick. But then she was acting sullen when we were together, which is not ideal for us. Does she even care about the 75% tuition we're paying for? I mean sure her GPA is great but literally all of her choices are so disrespectful, we're seriously considering pulling her back home to teach her manners all over again!"

You're setting am ugly precedent to exert way more control over her life than you are entitled to. If you made an agreement, and your daughter is living up to her side of the bargain, you shouldn't just threaten to break your end of the deal because you disagree with her choices. ######


Prompt:
I have a seventeen year old daughter who has been kind of difficult lately. She is getting really into social issues and just doesn’t stop when I ask her to. We were having a conversation last night about relationships and I admitted that I didn’t love her father when I married him and I married him entirely for his money and she got very upset.

I always assumed she kind of knew. We have a 25 year age difference, got married after less than a year of knowing each other and she’s heard stories from family about the crazy fights we used to have. She got really mad at me which I can’t figure out because she knows how much I love him right now. She just kept saying that was terrible and I set women back.

She called me a prostitute which my husband overheard and began screaming and tried to ground her for two weeks, but I talked him out of that. Right now she is still mad at me but not mad at him for blowing up on her. My husband says I shouldn’t have told her when I knew she was going through this phase. ######

Response:
 YTA.

>She got really mad at me which I can’t figure out because she knows how much I love him right now.

You certainly didn't indicate that with your word choice.

>She is getting really into social issues and just doesn’t stop when I ask her to.

Why do you ask her to? ######


Prompt:
Aita for bringing up the time my girlfriends dad overcooked a steak awhile ago?

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 2 and a half years. We are both 20. For one of the first dinners I had at her house with her parents and her younger sisters, her dad grilled steaks. He was making New York strips and frankly, he burnt the hell out of them. I like my steaks pretty rare and this wasn’t even well done. It was charred and pretty nasty. I didn’t eat all of it, but I tried to muscle through it as best I could.

I have to add that I have a good relationship with her parents, and we joke and laugh and always have a good time. So that’s why the situation I’m about to describe kinda confused me.

Last weekend I was eating dinner there and her dad cooked steaks. We were eating and her mom actually brought up how she thought we had steak and grilled veggies the first time I ate dinner there. I started laughing and asked if I could tell a funny story, and asked the dad not to be offended. This was all in a light hearted tone.

I basically told how the first steaks he cooked were burnt and I really wanted to make a good impression so I ate most of it, but it was really hard. Initially Everyone laughed including her dad but then he got very quiet the rest of dinner and was kind of cold to me when I left. Like no handshake or anything.

I asked my girlfriend about it later and she admitted that he was kinda pissed. Referring to me as a smart ass after I left. I’m not sure how to approach this situation, because I’m kinda thinking I should apologize but than I’m thinking that he called me a smart ass so like he can fuck off. It’s also 2 years later and he’s upset because he made a mistake while cooking? It’s not my fault he burnt them.

Aita? ######

Response:
 YTA.

>It’s also 2 years later and he’s upset because he made a mistake while cooking? It’s not my fault he burnt them.

If you honestly think this is why he's upset, you haven't thought about it at all. He's not upset with himself, he's upset with *you*, so stop looking at what he did and start looking at what you did.

This is like kindergarten stuff. ######


Prompt:
My husband was hurt when he recently discovered that his family had had a weekend getaway and we were not invited. When he confronted his mom she got very angry and said we have too many dietary restrictions. I eat a very clean diet. We are both vegetarian and try to be as sugar free as possible. I do believe the host is supposed to feed her guests, so yeah I think if were invited over it’s MILs job to accommodate us. She does not babysit my kids because she isn’t a “fucking chef”

My husband said I should lower my expectations because he misses his family. Mil posted something on social media because it was her wedding anniversary and they were on a boat in the picture. I commented that I can’t imagine having a husband who is a hedge fund manager and a boat and still being too broke to feed my grandkids. MIL is pissed because she was then accused of racism (I’m black but I don’t think she is at all racist) my husband got mad again and said I need to apologize ######

Response:
 YTA.

>I eat a very clean diet.

No, you eat a very restrictive diet. That's fine, but you can't expect others to accommodate you.

Your comment on your MIL's anniversary photo was really rude. Feeding your children is not her job, it's yours. ######


Prompt: Ok, I have a friend who is a model. She is this really skinny beautiful girl. She cut her hair short a while back and added that she is "Non-binary" on her bio on instagram. I, for one, don't really get the non-binary thing and asked her what does she mean by that, and she answered she doesnt really "feel like she belongs in any gender", but I told her that she is a model, and she gets work exactly because she is a beautiful woman. Now she isn't talking to me. Some friends do agree with me (I mean, she looks nothing like other gender and she is pretty girly in general) but thought I shouldn't have said anything and let it be, I for one was just curious on what's that all about as I never met a non-binary in person I tend to think it's some kind of fashion statement most of the time or people just trying to feel special, but hey, what do I know? That's why i asked her about it, so, was I the asshole? ######

Response:
 YTA.

> I told her that she is a model, and she gets work exactly because she is a beautiful woman

That doesn't mean she feels it. ######


Prompt:
I’ve (21M) been with the same girl (21F) for about 2 years now. A little while into our relationship I started having suspicions about my sexuality but I was honest with her that I thought I might be bi. Over the last year or so I’ve been pretty much sure I’m gay now. With the way my attractions have changed, sexual desires, etc.

I told her this back on Tuesday, because I had no other choice but to be honest with her for the sake of both of us. She basically called me a fucking asshole, and told me I was stringing her along. I told her that wasn’t how it was and that I had no idea for the longest time, that I thought I was straight or at least bi. She told me to go to hell and left. I did expect this reaction.

I’ve also gotten hounded from her family the last few days though. They told me I knew and was stringing her along. I don’t get how this is the case. I had no idea I was gay for the longest time, and quite frankly wouldn’t want to be if I had the choice. I felt like I had to tell her, to be honest and end our relationship. Did I fuck up? AITA? ######

Response:
 YTA.

> *Over the last year or so* I’ve been pretty much sure I’m gay now. With the way my attractions have changed, sexual desires, etc.

> #I told her this back on Tuesday

Sounds exactly like you strung her along for half of the time of your relationship.

ETA: If you perhaps misworded this I'll amend my judgement accordingly. ######


Prompt: I(24M) am getting married to my gf(25f) next year in tuscon on our anniversary .  I sent out invites to the wedding to people in my friend circle . The next day another friend of mine announced to the group that she was getting married at the same place a month before i am getting married. I felt that people would attend her wedding since it came first and most of them wouldn't be able to afford a trip for mine within the  one month gap. I got mad at her and told her that if she wouldn't change the date , the friendship between us would be over . To which she complied and changed the date to the anniversary of  meeting her fiance which is in January . She called me a loser and has been ignoring me for these few days . AITA for making her change the dates? ######

Response:
 YTA.

\- you issued an ultimatum instead of talking with your friend

\- you seem to think that some unspecified block of time belongs to you and only you. No. You get a day or a weekend tops. Not more.

\- you aren't such good friends as to have discussed your upcoming weddings with each other, so why are you acting like she did this to spite you? ######


Prompt:
The other day my husband and I were going through old pictures of us. We are both in our mid-30s now. We were looking at some pictures of him when he was in college and some when we first met. He had such a nice body then. He’s let it go a little bit since then. He’s not fat or anything, I’d say he has more of a dad bod. When we were looking at those pictures I said “dang I miss when you looked like that. You were sooooo hot.” I thought this would be taken as a compliment. Most people have better bodies in their college days than when they are older. It’s expected. He got really upset and quite after that. We haven’t had sex since then and he hasn’t really even taken his shirt off in front of me.

I talked to him about it finally and assured him that I still found him attractive. He said that he still feels insulted and insecure now. I never meant for it to be taken that way. I’ve spoke to my girl-friends about it. They agreed with me and said it didn’t sound harmful. Was I the asshole for making a comment like that? ######

Response:
 YTA.

"Wow, I miss the days when you were hot babe. Your boobs were so perky and didn't droop, your face didn't have all those fucked up wrinkles. It was great." ######


Prompt: This is a throwaway for obvious reasons, but a couple of days ago it was my friend’s birthday and my friend came out as gay and she was accepted by her whole group except for me. Now I am not homophobic but I don’t like gay people. We had a party where I pulled her into a separate room and told her to drop the act, she said that she didn’t know what I was talking about. I said that being gay is not a lifetime thing and she was just on a phase, she told me that she was in fact gay and that I was being really weird. I told her that she was the weird one and that I hoped that god would help her move on from this phase. She ran out of the room crying and when I exited all of my friends were calling me a bitch and a couple of other mean things. I feel a bit bad, but I think I am helping her in her life. ######

Response:
 YTA.

"I'm not homophobic but I don't like gay people."

Didn't even need to read more than that.
You're contradicting yourself.

You liked her when she didn't come out as gay. She still was gay then. What changed? She's still the same person. She was gay before she told you and you liked her then.

She doesn't need a friend like you. ######


Prompt:
My ex and I have a 10 year old daughter from a teenage relationship. My daughter lives with my ex and I pick her up for the afternoon on one weekend day and often take her out for dinner during the week. She still has a stuffed dog I bought for her when she was a baby and carries the damn thing everywhere.  It is always dirty and I think she's too old to carry a toy everywhere.

I made a rule that she either leaves the toy at home or puts it inside a plastic bag when she's in my car or home. She cried and said I was mean, then later my ex called me to yell at me. She said I was being insensitive to my daughter's disability and needs. (Apparently she's autistic but I don't believe that.) ######

Response:
 YTA.

* If your daughter's autistic, routine is an *incredibly* important part of her life. Upsetting that routine can cause her legitimate long-term harm.
* 10 is not too old to still be carrying a toy
* Get her a damn purse to carry the dog in. That way she gets to have it with her, but she also gets introduced to more grown-up accessories. I'm a friggin adult and I carry keepsakes or "childish" talismans in my purses.

You're not even willing to hear any other opinion or option other than your own. I can tell you that's not going to bode well for your future relationship with your daughter. Sometimes you have to accommodate to how the world *is*, not your you *want* it to be. ######


Prompt:
Long time lurker, first time poster. I am retiring on Sunday and my work was throwing me a retirement party today to celebrate my 27 years at my company.  My wife and I have been so excited since we will finally be able to travel and see the world.  I loved my job and really wanted it to be a special night for me.

Anyway, my wife knew about the party well in advanced and knew how important it was to me.  Well about a week ago, her old college roomate says that she will be in town for a week starting today and wanted to catch up. My wife asked if it was ok for her to catch up with the roomate before coming to the party.  I was initially agreeable but stressed the importantance of being at the party on time since this is my only retirement party.

My wife met up with her friend and ended up in a car crash... she was fortunately unharmed but by the time she got the police involved, got the car towed, and found a ride, she missed the party.  I'm pretty upset because this night was a big deal to me.  She refuses to appologize for missing the party and says i'm being petty and i should be thankful shes alright.  Am i justified for feeling this way? ######

Response:
 YTA.

 Dude, it was an accident. Do you really think your wife will be in a car crash just to upset you? Shit happens, and it's not your wife's fault. Be happy she is not dead, disabled or in a coma, and did everything to avoid future problems (legal or not).

You may feel frustrated because she missed the party but, again, don't take it on her. She is not at fault here. ######


Prompt:
My family somehow ended up in a massive fight over Christmas the other day which is kind of ridiculous since it is July, but DIL brought up the fact we never spend Christmas as a family and how that has to change now that her children are getting a little older. I don’t like the way she approached it because that doesn’t have to change and that’s now he you speak to an adult.

Since my children got into serious relationships I stopped hosting holidays. It was too much work to be around people who annoy me. I usually go skiing or somewhere tropical with my husband and best friend and I don’t think I’ll ever be willing to host a family holiday again. DIL got upset and said that isn’t fair to her children and then she said family should always come first. I said sometimes you chose your family. She kept it up so I told her that I get to chose my family and she is not family. Now my son isn’t talking to me and she said she is going to start having my grandkids call me by my first name. ######

Response: YTA..... Your DIL is a part of your family.  She married your son and she has children with him.  If she isn't your family, then your grandkids are not your family either.  Your words cut her like a knife.  PLEASE DO THIS.... You need to apologize to her personally.  Not just apologize, but say, "you are absolutely a member of the family and that was bone-headed for me to say something that isn't true."  Do that.... Or you will have a rift in the family for decades and you don't want your grandkids turned against you. ######


Prompt:
This happened a few hours ago.

My parents are divorced. Throughout quarantine I (M17) have spent most of my time in my room when at my mom's (F46) apartment. I go down to the living room/kitchen area a few times a day to get food and see what's going on with my mother and sister (F15).

Today I hadn't eaten all day, so I went down to get lunch. My mom was sitting at the table and appeared to be wearing  no pants. I asked her if she could please put some pants on because she is in the living room. She said that she won't because she's in her bathing suit. We do not have a pool, nor was she getting ready to go to one. She was just sitting in the living room in her bathing suit which was revealing as most bathing suits are. I told her very clearly and calmly to please put on some clothes because it was making me uncomfortable, which at this point it was. She proceeded to gaslight me, aggressively telling me that I should be fine with it, that it isn't a big deal, and that she's going up to her room in a bit anyway. I then went to get myself some food, and as she was still just sitting there, I started to get angry because of my discomfort and asked her again to go up to her room and put some clothes on because I was seriously uncomfortable. It has been about 5 minutes at this point, and she gets up and starts yelling at me and continues the gaslighting. As she goes up to my room, I tell my sister that "I won't accept that kindof bullshit". My mom overheard this, told me to get my stuff, and drove me over to my dads place. My sister later mentioned that she had also asked my mom to change.

The way I see it is that if the roles were reversed and my dad did the same thing to my sister, my mother and many others would be absolutely furious, and that my mother has no right to treat me the way she did after I specifically told her I was uncomfortable with what she was wearing in the living room. Am I just overreacting? AITA? ######

Response: YTA... where is the gaslighting? Do you know what that word actually means? Why are you so uncomfortable with your mother in a bathing suit in her own house? My mother-in-law is a nurse and when she works with covid patients she strips to her underwear right away so there's no chance of us catching anything. Yes, I've seen my mother-in-law in her bra and underwear. Your mother is a human with a body. Presumably, so are you. All her bits and pieces were fully covered. It's only weird if you make it weird. ######


Prompt:
I (M18) have been with my girlfriend (F17) for two years now.

Throwaway

My girlfriend is black and I am white.

I love her so much and her curly hair, I really love the way my finger gets looped in one of her tight curls, it's really cute.

Her and I are planning to get married and have children one day, so I thought I should study up on different hair types my future daughter/son might have. I want to make sure I'm able to take care of/do it.

My girlfriend usually puts relaxers and straightens her hair. That's her choice, but I found out while I was studying hair types is that can be bad for her hair type if done excessively (which she does). I told her about this, and she replied with "I know what I'm doing, my mom did this to me as a kid."

I really wanted to explain to her that is was bad and I've seen images of damaged curly hair. She still didn't listen to me, so I hid the straightener from her (I know, that was a dick move).

She told me I was being controlling and I shouldn't have a say in how she does her hair, which I would agree if she wasn't actively damaging it. She told her friends and now they are calling me an asshole.

Am I? ######

Response:
 YTA... she’s had her hair her whole life and you just up in here googling.

Also straightening all hair types and bleaching hair blonde is also damaging but I’m sure you see lots of platinum blondes with straight hair walking around. ######


Prompt:
My parents were married for 23 years (I am 21) and got a divorce in January. Their marriage died awhile ago and they just waited until my youngest brother finished high school. My mother announced she was getting married to "Dave." I had seen him around and wouldn't be surprised if they were hooking for sometime, but even that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that she is doing this less than nine months after their divorce and I can't stand Dave. He has no money, everything is a big joke, and is just a loser. My mother insists this is her choice and I told Dave that if he really loved her, then he would pause on getting married.

I told my mother she can do what she wants. I won't have anything to do with her or her husband. She can do so much better. I will not do anything to make Dave feel accepted or wanted. ######

Response: YTA... not for disliking Dave, since you don't have to like the guy, but for petulantly refusing to even be civil to him. Your mother is an adult and has every right to make her own life choices, whether you like it or not. Her marriage has been functionally over for YEARS, and even collaborative divorces can take quite a while to finalize, so not sure why you insist that your mother has to be divorced for an indeterminate amount of time before she remarries. It's not like we're in 18th century England and your father died and his widow has to wear black for 2 years to properly execute her mourning period. ######


Prompt:
First of all, I know it’s standard advice/procedure to get in touch with your ex partners when diagnosed with an STD. My prior test was done 2 years ago and I’ve dated around a lot since then. I wouldn’t even know how to contact most of them anymore although condoms were used 99% of the time.

I have just come out of a relationship in which he refused to wear condoms, even our first time together, he just put it in without even asking/discussing it. I asked him and several times since that he needs to wear one but he starts begging me to do it without and acts difficult if I continue asking.

Just before we split, we discussed STDs in which I said I worry about these things generally and I’m going to get checked out soon. He then said I should and that I’ve been irresponsible by not doing since we have been having unprotected sex and I could have anything. I was a bit shocked about this comment. I said you also could have anything, I don’t know where you’ve been. He said... that’s fair. I’ll wait until your results come back first and then we’ll see.

The other day he dumped me out of nowhere. I’m obviously hurt. Despite the above we did have a very good relationships and I thought we had a future together. My results came back positive for chlamydia. I don’t even want to tell him. He can pass it onto his next girlfriend. He’s an adult, he’s aware I could have something, he’s even medically trained (ex practising doctor), he can take responsibility for his own (sexual) health.

WIBTA if I don’t tell him I’m positive? I don’t want to speak to him again. ######

Response: Yta... Just message him 'I have tested positive for chlamydia, you should get tested.' And then block him and never speak to him again. You just need to send 1 sentence, and you do not need to message him further or have a conversation with him. ######


Prompt:
My girlfriend can definitely be a little too outspoken sometimes and I wish she could tone it down because we're both in college right now and primarily dependent on our parents, so don't bite the hand that feeds you. My mom doesn't like my girlfriend very much but she was doing some spa stuff with her friend and invited my girlfriend to join them.

My mom is dating a doctor and she went to his practice to get botox the other day and I guess had sex with him after he did it. She was telling her friend and my girlfriend had to interject about how bad that was and how unprofessional. My mom said she's jealous because she had to pay for her nose job. They then got into a fight about if it is unethical for a doctor to date his patient, but I feel like it doesn't matter because it was plastic surgery, it's not like my mom had cancer and was in some vulnerable state.

My girlfriend said he should have his license revoked for having sex with a patient and my mom pretty much told her to fuck off. I was annoyed that i had to referee because it's one of those times where she should have just said nothing, and I really didn't want to be roped into a conversation about my mom having sex. I called my girlfriend a puritan and she ended up crying. I kind of feel like an ass because she's always had issues with sexuality but I didn't mean it that deep. I just meant she should stay out of my mom's sex life. ######

Response: YTA... it is 100% unethical for a doctor to have sex with a patient especially in his office. It doesn’t matter what type of medicine they practice. ######


Prompt:
Using a throwaway account since they haven’t publicly came out yet.

Disclaimer: Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against gay people. I support people having their own choices and living their own lives.

Here’s the situation. I (17M) have a friend (M) who agreed to room together in college. At this point he hadn’t come out yet. A few days later he told me that he was gay and that he should let me know. At first I had no problem with it. Of course I was supportive of his bravery and all. But the more I thought about it I began to feel a little uncomfortable. After a lot of thought and consideration I asked him if I could drop out as roommates and find new ones. I lied and gave him a different reason as to why, just so I didn’t hurt his feelings.

Now I’m wondering if I was the asshole for feeling uncomfortable to room with someone who was gay and the same gender as I was, regardless if we were friends before or not. ######

Response: YTA... I’m gay and going to college this year. Any of my future roommates doing this to me is literally my worst nightmare. Believe me, he’s not interested in you. If he was, he wouldn’t want to be your roommate. ######


Prompt:
So I'm not going, no matter what you guys say. I'm just curious if it makes me an asshole or not.

With my first wife, I was the excited Dad who couldn't wait to have kids. Even to the point where I wanted to catch the baby. Big mistake. Seeing my baby come out of her traumatized me so much that I couldn't have sex with her ever again with remembering so I had to divorce my her. And I send her money but I rarely go to see her or my daughter because I can't look at them the same.

I don't want that to happen with this wife and soon to be child.

I told her about this all up front, and she got me into several years of therapy preparing for me this, and I thought I was ready - I really did - but as the day comes closer and closer, the memories are coming back.

My wife is 8 months pregnant and the baby can come anyday. She wants me to be there so bad, and I feel bad for her, I really wish I could be there for her, but yeah...no. I'm not going. I'll see her after she's done and when the baby is all cleaned up. Otherwise it's just going to be the same situation that happened with my first wife and child. ######

Response: YTA... Good Lord I don't even know what to say here. You divorced your first wife and won't visit your daughter because you can't get over seeing your wife give birth to her. Just there you're a massive asshole. Get over your shit or maybe you shouldn't even be having kids. ######


Prompt:
I (40M) am married to my beautiful wife (39F) and have been for twenty years. We have three beautiful children (19M, 17F and 15M) and are by all means very happy together.

However, during a rough patch in our marriage, I had an affair with a coworker. She became pregnant and had a daughter (10F). I know this was wrong and I don't want judgment for it. It's in the past.

 I don't see my youngest daughter very often, about once every six months, when I can get away for a day. The last time I saw her was last week. She asked me why I didn't see her more and if it was because I didn't love her. I told her that definitely wasn't true and that I love her very much, I just have to travel for work (I want to save her feelings). She told me that if I don't visit her at least once a month, then she never wants to see me again at all.

I can't do that. I have a lot of weekend commitments with my other children. I want to maintain a relationship with my youngest daughter, but I can't see her that regularly. If push comes to shove, I'm going to choose my wife and my family. My daughter has her mother to depend on, so she'll be okay, even though it would break my heart.

Her mother hasn't told her about my family and doesn't want to. It's better if my daughter doesn't know. ######

Response:
 YTA... Dude... You are punishing your daughter for YOUR fuck up. Accept your damn responsibility.

Why is it NONE of your late teens kids are aware they have another sibling? Why is it you are keeping her from knowing her siblings? It's going to be so fucked when she learns because you have kept up an extremely convoluted web of lies with her. At least if you had told her the truth from the get go when she was old enough to handle it, your time could be spent without making her feel neglected.

But no. It's "Well she matters less because I did an oopsy by doing something *everyone agrees* is morally wrong that led to her existence and since she is asking me for more time, well fuck her I may as well abandon her". My bio-mom had the decency of not being there from the beginning. Even if your relationship with her is shitty, it's still there and she values it enough to want more time. Just TELL her at least!

"You're old enough to know this but I cheated on my wife with your mother. I have another family. I take the time to make sure you are loved and valued but because I did wrong I have to make sure my three other kids come first to some extent." She's ten... She'll understand though she'll hurt a while.

Or... you know... Abandon her anyways like you plan. She'll never forgive you and none of us will either. Because it is the move of a COWARD. ######


Prompt:
Myself (60M), my wife of 5 years, my son and his wife went out for lunch for my son’s birthday. I invited him because I wanted to see him on his birthday but knew they had plans to go away for the night later.

We didn’t drink, so the bill came out to about $80. When the check came, my son pulled out cash, as did I. I looked at the bill for a bit without speaking, then he said “should we split it?” I said that worked for me.

My wife got upset and told him that we would never let him pay for his birthday lunch. He said he was happy we were able to come and still have me half the money. I took it, because he had the opportunity to say he wanted me to pay, but my wife is now really upset and saying I acted cheap. Also, my son and his wife are both $25. They’re not super well off but both have jobs out of college, if that makes a difference. AITA for letting him pay half? ######

Response: YTA. Your wife was right. You were cheap. You invited him out for his birthday, then let him pay his own way? Someone who's 25 and "not super well off?" He was polite enough to offer to pay after you sat there staring silently at the bill... and you let him? Shame, shame on you. He read between the lines, you didn't. Absolutely poor, unclassy, clueless behavior on your part. ######


Prompt: My wife was on facebook and saw a picture of her grandmother and got sad that she's looking older. She went on to say that she wishes she could get back to where her family lives more, which comes up pretty frequently. I asked her why she chose to move out here if this was going to be a constant issue. I guess what I said was less than cool, but her family treated her really poorly when she lived with them and took advantage of her and when she moved out here, she was thrilled to be leaving. So it rubs me the wrong way when she acts like she's missing out on not being around them. Then she got mad and told me that it's normal for families that live apart to see each other regularly and I disagreed. I'm poor. I grew up poor, I've always been poor. She knew I was poor when we got together. Poor people don't take cross country trips. My Nana is from North Dakota and it was a huge deal when she got to go see her mother before she passed. Likewise, my Pop saw his mother who lived in Kansas once the whole time I was alive at that point. His family from Alaska visited a few times, but that was because they had money. We also just travelled across country to see my wife's family (on her parent's dime) on a lie her mother told about a dying family member because she wanted my wife to come out for her birthday. It was a terrible time that was very stressful for both of us and they made us sleep in the room where their dogs piss all day. I cannot see why my wife is so eager to do it again. I personally have no desire to go back there. They basically ignored us the whole time we were there and all we did was eat. I think it's their turn to come out here, but they never will because they hate California. They don't like me. I don't understand why my wife wants to do that all over again. ######

Response: YTA. Your wife was missing a family member. You didn't have to start an attack on her for expressing it. ######