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Tell me a joke I noticed my wife was reading a book that was titled ""The Silent Wife"". I immediately asked ""That's fiction, right?""
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Tell me a joke what's your pitch? ""so this guy steals from the rich..."" ok ""and gives to the poor"" nice. what's his name? ""Robin..."" haha I love it ""Hood"" wait
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Tell me a joke Dracula & Frankenstein are in the heavyweight championship. Who wins? Dracula. Frankenstein went down for the count.
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Tell me a joke A elderly man gets diagnosed with brain cancer And dies.
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Tell me a joke No wonder 1% is so bad I got my raise, not even 1%, my bank don't even give close to 1%. But my taxes ---- **30%**.
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Tell me a joke Why is it possible for a door to be made out of kittens? Because they are a-door-able.
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Tell me a joke My grandad was killed by a zulu He was having a shit in London zoo and the roof fell in.
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Tell me a joke Doing the splits is easy -- slip on the first snowy step when taking the dog out and let gravity (and panic) make you an Olympic gymnast!
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Tell me a joke What did Cinderella say when she got down to the ball? Mmmrrggglllrrsllurp
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Tell me a joke What is it called when a cow is unwillingly milked? **Moo**lestation
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Tell me a joke How are women and tornadoes alike? They are both loud as fuck when they come, they take the house when they leave.
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Tell me a joke I texted my girlfriend Ruth last night to let her know she was dumped ... I wanted to be ruthless
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Tell me a joke TV needs to stop putting up those stupid ""viewer discretion"" warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
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Tell me a joke *hops off a horse* alright buddy, your turn
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Tell me a joke If the cure for AIDS could get you high, we'd figure it out in about a week.
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Tell me a joke Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, masturbation is twice as effective as sex So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush.
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Tell me a joke Fuck! I have to fly to California to prevent a forest fire. THIS IS TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY!
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Tell me a joke I only break out my Cookie Monster impression if a date is going terribly or really well.
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Tell me a joke In 2011 it is more normal to have 0 or 2 dads than 1 dad
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Tell me a joke What's the difference between a Greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job? One's a crusty bus station, the other's a busty crustacean.
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Tell me a joke One of my dad's Why do serial killers do what they do? For the Kix
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Tell me a joke I'd like to tell a Whitney Houston joke... ... but then I realized that It's Not right, But It's Okay
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Tell me a joke What is a hemophiliac's least favorite song? Don't stop ble-eding (The pause is necessary)
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Tell me a joke *Girl opens Xmas present* ""Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?"" ""Wait but that means-"" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*
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Tell me a joke I also painted my computer black, hoping it would run faster. But the police choked it to death, and ruled it justified.
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Tell me a joke What food can tell you if a girl is pregnant? Chickpea
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Tell me a joke Epic Tragedy Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.
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Tell me a joke Two guys walked into a bar... The other guy ducked.
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Tell me a joke An army of pandas descends on a fortress of evil trolls. The pandas are soft, cuddly, & deadly. It's the most adorable massacre in history.
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Tell me a joke What does a queen bee do when she burps ? Issues a royal pardon !
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Tell me a joke (Tell this to your professional friends or relatives) Your must be a fish... because you've got lots of SCALES!! YEEEEEEYAAAAAA Edit: (skills/scales?) get it?
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Tell me a joke Damn girl, did you fall from heaven? Because so did Satan.
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Tell me a joke Tell a sad story in 4 words Lifetime Cleveland Browns fan
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Tell me a joke What happens when you don't serve drinks at a party? There's no punch line.
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Tell me a joke Why should you never rendezvous with a pack of wolves? Because they are *meet eaters!*
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Tell me a joke America is in labor now Soon we will know if it's a boy or a girl.
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Tell me a joke What is a cucumber and a dolphin doing in the same room? Sushi
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Tell me a joke Hitler's proofreader for Mein Kampf was literally a Grammar Nazi.
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Tell me a joke 4-year-old: Can you hold my rubber ducky? Me: *takes the ducky* Why? 4: I dropped it in the toilet.
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Tell me a joke Me: I love you with my hole heart. Wife: Wrong hole.
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Tell me a joke why didn't the cannibal want to be late to dinner? Because he didn't want to get the cold shoulder.
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Tell me a joke What do you call a list of german jokes printing paper
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Tell me a joke Just saw a touching BP commercial where BP congratulates BP for doing some of what BP was legally required to do after it wrecked the earth.
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Tell me a joke Doe A deer, a female deer. Ray A hunter, with a gun.
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Tell me a joke How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb? Doesn't matter. All they're going to do is stand around and talk about changing it.
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Tell me a joke Why are hippies against capitalism? Because money doesn't grow on trees.
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Tell me a joke How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.
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Tell me a joke What do you call a cow that has had an abortion? Decaffeinated
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Tell me a joke What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest? A suicide vest will blow you.
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Tell me a joke My Asian friend came out .. My Asian friend came out to his dad today and said ""Dad I'm gay"" . His dad after being angry for a moment said, ""why not Gay+""
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Tell me a joke Why is dyslexia so bad? It looks like daily sex to me.
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Tell me a joke Two friends were walking down the road, won took a crap and shit slid out. Her friend said that aint shit that my cunt
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Tell me a joke Why did Pinocchio's nose get longer? Because he told his wife he cheated on her.
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Tell me a joke I hate it when I forget to bring my phone in the car and have to read a shampoo bottle while I drive.
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Tell me a joke She gets stoked after reading: ""Big strapping boxer"" on dating site But soon discovers he's a 475 lb. guy working in shipping at Amazon.
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Tell me a joke Two fish in a tank. One says to the other.... ""You know how to drive this thing?""
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Tell me a joke I had no idea Instagram was down until a girl in front of me at Starbucks cancelled her order, saying ""Instagram is down it's useless""
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Tell me a joke I asked the grammar police about a crime in the capital... They told me that case was sensitive.
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Tell me a joke I get it, you have a philosophy degree, but I just want you to make my latte, not wax poetic about life, okay Baristotle? Extra foam please.
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Tell me a joke With KFC's announcement they've created an edible coffee cup, the chain is ready to face its next challenge: creating edible food.
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Tell me a joke Work tip: if you're going to ask your boss if you can ""work from home"", don't use air quotes.
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Tell me a joke What did the necrophiliacs girlfriend say before going bowling?
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Tell me a joke I always cried when my Dad chopped onions. Onions was a good dog.
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Tell me a joke When I go down on you, it makes you very happy. And when I come back up I will fuck you good and hard. What am I? Gas prices.
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Tell me a joke I can't wait for hillary to become president and appoint bernie sanders as her vice president ""I did not have sexual relations with that man""
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Tell me a joke [rookie undercover] *walks up to dealer* ""yo you a cop"" um no ""hmm ok what you want"" EIGHT COCAINES PLEASE *gives thumbs up to chief in car*
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Tell me a joke What's the internal temperature of a Tauntaun? Luke warm
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Tell me a joke What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? Crisp Cringle.
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Tell me a joke What do you call a former lacrosse player? Ex Lax.
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Tell me a joke I've been reading a book on euthanasia... It's so good I can't put it down.
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Tell me a joke Someone ran over a deaf, dumb and blind man near me last night. Poor bloke didn't know what had hit him.
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Tell me a joke A. Schwarzenegger has it long, Brad Pitt short, Madonna does not have it and the Pope does not use it. What is it? A surname.
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Tell me a joke ur mama is sooo fat she sat on a dollar and made 4 quarters pop out.
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Tell me a joke I've saved a ton of money on Birthday Cards by switching to Facebook!
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Tell me a joke bangs are just a poor woman's botox.
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Tell me a joke I miss the old days when I could say I wasn't around and you couldn't check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying
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Tell me a joke ""What is your reason for divorce?"" She pronounces 'Kansas' like the second part of 'Arkansas'
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Tell me a joke What do you call a baby from Dover? Doverkiin.
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Tell me a joke Why couldn't the anthropologist find any Lomekwian tools? They were looking in Oldowan places
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Tell me a joke What does smoking a cigarette and eating a pussy have in common? [NSFW] The flavor gets stronger as you get closer to the butt.
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Tell me a joke What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common? In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier.
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Tell me a joke Did you hear about the new LSU Visa card coming out? You get Les Miles and zero points
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Tell me a joke What's a Russian's favorite snack? Chechen Nuggets
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Tell me a joke Procrastinators unite! tomorrow
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Tell me a joke One day I'll cure deafness... You hear me!
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Tell me a joke What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant? Swimming trunks!
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Tell me a joke I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it's someone's birthday and I need to show respect.
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Tell me a joke How do you say constipated in German? Fahfrompoopin
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Tell me a joke Found a site for hardcore Harambe Supporters It's called Omegle, Everyone has their dicks out for Harambe.
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Tell me a joke Why did the SJW hate the Mexican robot? Because it was Pablo-matic
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Tell me a joke Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
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Tell me a joke What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper? ""Lettuce, pray.""
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Tell me a joke What do you call toddlers who are dictators? Dictator Tots
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Tell me a joke Never trust an anti-aging lotion that has an expiry date.
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Tell me a joke I like my coffee like I like my coffee. Coffee.
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Tell me a joke What's everyone doing for Seis de Mayo?
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Tell me a joke Why aren't there more jokes about Jim Jones? I think it's because usually the punchline is too long
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Tell me a joke My Grandads motto was ""Never give up"".... He died of lung cancer
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Tell me a joke Whats up? My dick.
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Tell me a joke Today I got told I am condescending....... That means I talk down to people
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