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New Eden 25

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“And then Rei showed up with an offering that no one had ever heard off, the Branch of Eternal Love . She said she had spent days searching for it, scouring the forest, slaying dangerous monsters, never resting. She had barely made it in time. And when she offered it to the scales it sprouted into a massive tree. It was an outstanding victory for Rei, no one had every heard of it before and everyone was silenced. She then swore she would always love me. Even if she wasn’t perfect, even if she couldn’t give me a fairy tale romance, she wanted to be the one to make me happy and she would always be my partner.” Perfect. “Oh.” Melia looks fondly at her daughter, “Well it sounds close to a fairy tale romance so far.” Claire chuckles, “It really was in many ways.” God… how am I ever - oh Claire has found my hand. She squeezes it. “Is everything okay Rei?” “YeAh.” She frowns for a second, and gives my hand another squeeze and fixes a smile again. She. knows. Shut up. “If you say so, Rei.” You're worrying her. “Well Mother, with her complete defeat at the hands of my dear wife, that rival finally admitted defeat, but then she claimed she was only trying to take Rei for herself. The nerve! I made sure she understood that I would not stand for that.” She chortles and god, is there a more perfect sound? “That said, I quickly was embarrassed by such a declaration. It honestly took me too long to admit much more than that. I wish the two of us could have been more honest about our feelings sooner… but I know I wasn’t ready for that.” There is another gentle squeeze of my hand. Melia sighs in such a fond way, “Ah, yes… it is like that isn’t it?” She makes eye contact with me for a moment, uhhh did I do something? “Your father was one to keep things too close to the chest too.” “Goodness yes, atrocious, however he was insufferable with the girls. Always gushing over them and spoiling them.” Claire smiles, just like her mother did. Melia smiles again, but it’s solemn. She misses him . “Just like he was with you.” Both of them share a look, it’s fragile. Like a lot is being said with just the silence. And I have no idea what . I don’t feel like I belong here. “Mother, thank you for lunch.” Melia chuckles, kinda like Claire does, but more muted, softer. “Of course, I wish I could have made time sooner for this.” “Please, I understand. And it’s not as if we haven’t also been busy.” She’s so kind. “That is how the world is, isn't it? Are you managing fine? Please tell me if it is too much.” Melia lets herself fret a bit finally. “Of course, I’ve had my Rei the whole time.” Claire runs her thumb over my hand. Her Rae. I catch Melia giving me another look, god I hate feeling like I’m under a microscope. “If it’s all right, would you two mind if I used the restroom for a moment?” Claire asks. Her mother gives her a nod. “Oh, yah. Cool.” Claire leans over and places a quick kiss on my cheek… In front of her mother? She’s gone… when did she…? “I think I might have some ideas on who this Love Rival might be.” Oh right Melia is still here. “I understand why she doesn’t want to name her though.” “Huh?” “The one you competed with, your offering sprouted a tree.” “Oh right… yes, sorry. Her.” Who? “Are you alright dear?” Right for the throat. God I can feel myself wither under her gaze. “Yeah.” That didn’t sound certain. “Are you nervous? Rei, I assure you, I have no qualms with my daughter dating you or any of her displays of affection. It’s cute.” She smiles. Fuck right she kissed me in front of her mother. Melia laughs, “Please Rei, it’s okay. Really. But something seems to be bothering you, hasn’t it? You have seemed tense this whole time.” “I don’t know.” “Whatever you tell me will stay between us. You always seem the worst when she talks about you, from before .” Is she a psychic? She chuckles, “I’m observant.” Not convincing me otherwise. “Is there something wrong about what she said?” “Yah, it doesn’t sound like me.” Melia looks a little concerned. Huh? . . . Fuck I said that out loud. “I-I just mean that she talks about all these things and how amazing Rae is and, but like that’s not anything like me. I couldn’t do any of those things that she said she did. Like she spent days grinding out monsters to find a rare drop? I get winded if I run. And then she’s so talented and smart. I’m not any of those things. I don’t understand. Why does she think I’m her? I'm nothing like her. I’m-I’m-m.” Please don’t crack voice… please. “Breathe dear.” Breathe. It’s really hard to level out my breaths. God. “This is bothering you.” I just nod. I don’t want to risk talking again. I’ll either say too much again… or… turn into a mess. “You said before she knew who you were.” I nod again. “Was she wrong?” “No! I… it’s me… but like, that me, Rae , she saved the world?” She leans over the table, and places a hand on my shoulder. I feel like I’m drawn in to look at her directly. It’s intimidating even if she doesn’t mean to look anything like that. “ Rei, she loves you. Of course she thinks the world of you.” “B-but I’m going to let her down.” Melia’s hand massages my shoulder softly. “It feels like that, it’s normal Rei. We always feel like we won’t measure up.” “It’s not normal, the only normal and plain thing about this is me.” “Rei, you should talk to her about this. She does think the world of you, but I do think you are being selective with your comparisons. It sounds like you were quite the nuisance .” There is a teasing smirk. Never sounded like that to me. “I wish I had the confidence to do half the shit she did. I couldn’t even talk to Claire before she came up to me…” “Rei, it didn’t sound like confidence, and I don’t think Claire thought it was either. It sounded like the past you had trouble being sincere. I think she was also afraid of rejection.” How? “But… Claire wouldn't reject her?” She loves her. “And she won’t reject you either.” That doesn’t make sense. We’re not the same. Melia gives my shoulder a pat and pulls back. “Think about it, Rei. I didn’t doubt it before, and I don't doubt it now. She loves you. You. ” Melia feels like a level ninety-nine mom, it’s hard to argue with her and I do feel a bit better. Even if I still don’t agree… completely. “Oh yes, before I forget, Rei .” Crap, that sounds like a wind up to mom finisher. “I’ve noticed that you haven’t used the credit card. Even once .” Fuck . “I… I haven’t had a reason to?” “I said you could use it on anything Rei, even if it's just to pay for your meals, please use it.” Please not the mom voice… “But… like I have money already set aside for that?” She sighs and shakes her head. I don’t want to be a disappointment. “Rei, you can save that money, really it’s okay for you to use it. I insist. You might not think it, but you have done a lot for both Claire and I.” “I’ll… try to…” “You better .” That sounded too much like Claire…. Fuuuck. She smirks, I must be blushing. Okay, that’s kinda unfair. “It’s okay, I’m not bothered by it.” How does she have me downloaded so quickly? “I’m sorry…” She laughs, “Rei, it’s fine. It’s cute. I know it can be… well more conservative here but I've always believed in letting people love who they love. Your parents… are they okay…?” “Yeah…. Yeah… like I don’t think they really get it, but they’ve been cool. I… got… outed in middle school and everyone found out… I’ve been…” breathe “trying to be careful since then. My mom and dad were… I’m lucky. They're still learning but they’ve been good. My little brother is brat about it, but like in a good way.” She relaxes, “That’s a relief to hear. If I had to, I would be happy to add to my collection. It seems to be growing. What is it? Collecting them like pokemon?” What? Oh god I snort loudly, then Melia starts to laugh, ah fuck it. I’m laughing too. “Oh god, that caught me off guard, yah. Pokemon, haha.” Melia wipes a tear, “I’m glad I said that right, I’m afraid I was the wrong generation for that. But I was serious. I would have been happy to help if you needed it. I was happy to help Catherine, and I’m glad I was able to cat

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ch Manaria in that whole fallout. That was cruel of her father.” I can’t help but feel some sympathy but… she’s trouble. “Well it seems you’re not a fan of her here either, are you? I know she can be abrasive.” “ Huh ? Here?” “Yes… I have to assume the love rival Claire worked so hard to not name or describe was Manaria.” “What?” “I thought it was obvious.” Was it? “It… but like… and………………….. I BEAT Manaria?” The princess? “I don’t believe Claire embellished that part at all.” Why does she make it sound like it’s no big deal? “Manaria really was interested in me? What? How? Why?” Who the fuck was Rae? “That would have to be answered by the girl herself I suppose. But I doubt we could get a valid answer in this life, would we?” Melia takes a sip from her tea. “I’m supposed to beat a princess?!” “I’d hardly suggest that. Rei, I really don’t think Claire expects anything of the sort out you either. She is just happy to be with you. And she can tell something is bothering you, just like I can.” “No she…” She knows. “She doesn’t know why, but she can see something is bothering you. You are just as bad as Dole when it comes to it. She’s… happy, she’s so happy to be with you, I know it’s scary but you need to talk to her about this. “ I can’t. “I know.” “A little faith goes a long way, trust me. Claire is walking back, make sure you use that card or I’ll have words with you again.” She smirks. “Have you been interrogating Rei?” Claire! “Wha?” “Of course not.” Melia laughs and Claire looks a little worried. “I was just offering some advice on a matter Claire. Don’t worry, I like your girlfriend.” Claire looks stunned for a moment, then smiles widely. Her eye’s glisten and she quickly leans over and hugs her mom. “Mother!” It’s soft. Melia wraps her arms around Claire and looks so… serene. “Your father’s always had good taste, and I can see why. Make sure you take care of her.” Feels like she's saying that to me too. I have to. Claire nods, her head still pressed against her mom. “Of course.”

5_1

I definitely left too early. And was up way too late researching. Prosthetics are expensive. I could open up—oh, a text from Francois-san. Good Morning Rei, we are coming down now and should see you soon. Sincerely, Francois. Okay, that’s pretty cute. I should let her know that with other people that’s going to look weird, though. “Rei!” Just a few minutes later, I peek up from my phone and see Francois-san waving to me with Achard-san just behind, leaning on her cane. I guess Francois-san was right about the leg. Francois-san walks slowly, being careful to not leave Achard-san behind. They almost look like sisters. “Sorry if we made you wait long. I’m not used to the style of clothing here and I might have been stressing too much about appearances…” Wow, I mean, I look so frumpy in my old hoodie compared to her. She’s wearing a long and very pretty white dress with a form-fitting red sweater vest over it. I don’t think I have seen her in it before but she does look great. For someone who probably has even less of an idea than I do about what’s currently trendy, she’s nailing it. “You look great,” I say, meaning it sincerely. Francois-san smiles at the compliment, looking right at me. Oh , this is going to take some getting used to. “Thank you, Rei, I hope my hair looks okay too. It’s not how I usually wear it but my old style needed a lot of help to get right and Catherine said I just wear it straight here.” It's hard to imagine her long blonde hair as anything other than its usual simple straight style. It’s so smooth and pristine. “It’s good, very good!” Oh God, Rei, keep it together. You sound even more awkward than usual. I can see Achard-san roll her eyes behind Francois-san. Francois-san just smiles again and God, if I could melt it would be dangerous to be around her. “Thank you, Rei. I tried to play it safe. I like your outfit too. It feels like you.” Okay, Achard-san, you don’t need to snicker. I’m sure Francois-san meant it, but my clothes really aren’t that nice. “Thanks, sooooo , we have economics first. That’s probably not going to be easy to dive into right away so I can sit next to you for that. If your lackeys ask, you can say I’m tutoring you.” “That’s actually not the worst cover. Her grades haven’t been doing well. She could even say her mom is making her do it,” Achard-san adds in. Yeah, that’s a good idea. After all, there’s no way someone like Francois-san would even look my way otherwise. “Mother…right, yes, I can do that. Wait, did you say lackeys?” Francois-san asks. “Yeah, you always seem to have two other girls around you. It’s like your mean girls squad.” “What—” “She’s not going to understand the reference,” Achard-san sounds a bit annoyed. “You need to use things she can understand.” “Oh, right, your, um, entourage?” That will make more sense, right? “Oh, do you know who they are?” “Nope.” I let the P pop. I mean, why would I know them? I barely even had a chance to talk to Francois-san before this all happened, and it’s not like I cared about her lackeys at all. “What do they look like?” Francois-san asks. “Hrm, one is a little taller, brunette, and the other is shorter and has pink hair.” Did one of them have freckles? “Loretta and Pepi!” She says excitedly. I’m not sure if they will live up to her expectations from that reaction. “Now that you mention it, you did always call them my minions before.” “That’s probably them,” Achard-san throws in, ignoring the minions part. “Can we get moving? It takes me longer to get there you know.” “Do you want to take a bus?” I ask. “No, it’s fine, I like the walk. The cane is usually fine. Let's just get moving.” She seems eager to move past the topic. “Let me know if you need anything, okay, Catherine?” Francois-san gives Achard-san a polite nod. Achard-san definitely seems like she’s not used to this yet, but she doesn’t make a big deal about it. She seems eager to get to class. Our walk goes by quickly even though we’re moving more slowly than usual. We try to cram in a bit more prep for class before we get there, but honestly I think we’re going to have to go back through my notes to the beginning. At least it’s still early in the semester. I allotted some extra time for the walk on account of Achard-san so we should still be pretty early to class, hopefully without too many people around. Once we get to the building, we stop to get breakfast from the cafeteria. It doesn’t take too long to finish our meal. “Oh, I might need to use the restroom,” Francois-san says. She looks around, unsure of where to go. “Sure just—” “It’s out that door and to your left, Claire.” Achard-san cuts me off. Francois-san notices and there is a look between her and Achard-san. After a second or two Francois-san sighs,.“Fine, but be nice .” Achard-san just gives her an extremely fake smile. Francois-san mouths ‘I’ll be back’ and turns to follow the directions to the restroom. And then it’s just me and her roommate slash friend. Cool . Achard-san takes her time finishing her coffee. “So…” I attempt, but it doesn't really help the awkward mood. Achard-san puts her drink back down. “Right…” She sighs. “Look, this is kinda messed up and I appreciate you being there to help, but also Francois-chan is my… friend and I don’t know the first thing about you.” Great. We’re having this conversation already. I can’t stop my nervous chuckle. “Yeah, I really didn’t know Francois-san before this happened. I mean, we share classes and I think we’re in a similar course of study, but I never really got a chance to talk to her.” “Didn’t stop your massive obvious crush on her, did it?” Achard-san mentions oh-so-casually. I nearly choke on my own cup of coffee “What?” I say, coughing. Rei, don’t think about how much you’re blushing. Count primes… “Trust me, Claire can be clueless when it comes to crushes, but even she is noticing this.” She motions her hand at me. “And sure, she thinks you two are married or whatever but she is still loving this.” Catherine takes another sip of coffee. “Not to be too harsh, but you’re kind of a walking stereotype.” “Noted.” I clear my throat. “What is your point, exactly?” I do not need this. “Eh, look, sorry, that came out worse than I meant. I’m not great with people. I don’t know. I don’t get whatever this is between you and her. She’s in a very vulnerable spot and I worry about her, okay?” Achard-san fidgets, feeling awkward even having to say this much. “I … I don’t want to hurt her. I’m trying to help.” I offer. She sighs. “Yeah, cool, just making sure we’re on the same page.” She leans back and seems content to let the silence return. “Err, what was she like, y’know, before this happened.” I needed to say something. She groans and takes a moment before answering. “I guess you already know she lost her dad, from the talk last night. Well, it happened when she was really young. There was a car crash in Paris, and lucky me, I was in the other car. Hence the leg, and…hrmm, no, that’s me stuff. Anyways, after that the two of us often got bundled together. My dad pretty much ditched me—don’t ask—and while Claire’s mom was picking up the pieces and getting their business back on track we spent some time with Claire’s extended family, the Sousse, in the Alps. We bounced from country to country for a bit before settling here.” I guess that’s good to know. “I was asking more about how she acted before this. But thanks for sharing all of that.” Catherine shrugs. “I don’t know, she acted really shut off after the accident. She was better when she was a kid from what I heard, but losing her dad hit her hard and her mom was always busy. I don’t like trying to psycho-analyze my friends, but honestly she seemed kinda depressed, or maybe detached? Superficial? It’s weird seeing her like this. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good, but honestly I’ve never seen her be even a fraction as… okay as she seems now.” “So…this is better, then? It’s not like she’s a completely different person now, right?” “Errr, people are going to notice, even if she tries to act ‘normal.’ It’s a big change. It feels like she woke up or something. But yeah, I think it’s better because before she was just…not great, honestly. So don’t fuck it up, I guess.” Great, no pressure. The way Achard-san is eyeing me doesn't really help either. “I—” “I’m back.” Francois-san announces herself, looking pleased

5_2

. “I was worried that the restroom here would be more complicated, but at least our public restrooms aren’t too different.” “You took your time.” Achard-san says over a sip of coffee. Francois-san clicks her tongue and flicks Achard-san on the forehead, after she sets her cup down. Achard-san looks surprised and rubs the spot, but leans back and lets a small easy smile settle in. “Look, I wasn’t expecting the sinks to just turn on. I thought they had broken and they kept turning off and on…” I can’t help but laugh as Francois-san tries to explain the situation, “They have a sensor for your hands. You just have to have them in the right place.” “I sort of figured that out, but I spent at least a minute trying to find a knob.” She laughs. At least she isn’t too embarrassed by the situation, and even Achard-san chuckles a bit. “She didn’t bully you too much while I was gone, I hope.” “No, it was good.” I mean, she did kinda grill me, but I understand why. I take a sip of what’s left of my coffee, and Francois-san chooses that moment to shoot me a smirk. “Good, only I’m allowed to bully you.” That sends the coffee up my nose and sends me into a coughing fit. Francois-san just leans back, looking smug and unfairly attractive. I am so doomed. My grave will say “killed by teasing and gay panic.” “Okay, I want no part of this flirting.” Achard-san blanches, sticks out her tongue as she pushes herself up from her seat. “I’m going to my classes. Have fun with your otaku, Claire.” And she walks away and disappears out the exit. It’s just me and Francois-san now, and she smiles when she catches me looking over at her. I’m not meant to last, am I? “I just wanted to get a little bit of flirting in before we can’t.” She certainly has a mischievous glint in her eyes. “You’re very cute when you blush, but I would rather not share it with others.” One, two, three, five, seven, eleven, thirteen, seventeen… “It’s not too much… is it?” The glint is gone, replaced with concern. She looks like she wants to lean over towards me. She glances at my hands fidgeting on the table. “No! Yes?” I let out a nervous chuckle. “Sorry, sorry, you said you wanted to take it slow… I can wait.” Francois-san retreats a little, her eyes looking unsure and a bit sad. “No! It’s okay!” I blurt out. Francois-san looks at me intently, like she’s trying to see my thoughts. I feel a bit exposed. “Rei, you don’t need to push yourself. It’s fine, really. I’m just being a bit impatient. It’s hardly been a day, after all, at least for you. And you have a bad habit of putting others before yourself.” “I do not.” I try not to pout, but Francois-san just hums in agreement and takes a sip of her own coffee. I don’t, right? “So, what does that mark on your sweater mean?” Francois-san asks, changing the subject. “Errr.” I have to take a second to remember what I threw on this morning. Oh, it’s this one. “It’s a hoodie, cause y’know, it’s got a hood.” I give the hood a flick and it pops up over my head. She gives an ‘ahhh’ and it’s honestly adorable. “And ummm.” I point at the logo which is probably what she was asking about in the first place. “This is the symbol of a game. It’s kinda nerdy otaku stuff, err, right, that’s not helpful to you. It’s, ummm—” “In our past life you sort of explained what games, well, video games, were like. We have games back in Bauer too, of course.” “I did? Oh, right, umm, okay, yeah I could show you some later if you want. But yeah, this is the title of the game.” “The game is called P5?” Francois squints like she’s trying to see something she must have missed. I slap my forehead, annoyed with myself. “It’s another acronym, sorry. It’s short for Persona 5. That little mask is part of the logo.” Francois-san hums and takes another sip of her coffee, and I just feel awkward. I’m really selling myself now, aren’t I? “I would like it if you showed me some of these games, if you don’t mind. You sometimes talked about them, as well as novels and, umm, ‘manga’ I think you called them. You said you even used to write some prose for them. You would occasionally write some when we were together too. It was lovely.” Oh God, is she talking about fan fiction?? It's embarrassing having your crush lay out exactly how much of an otaku you are, even if she lacks a lot of context. “Though I must confess, the first bit of prose of yours that I found left me so embarrassed. It was before we were together. You had written a silly and fanciful story where we were knights fighting the forces of darkness. I wish I hadn’t ripped it up now, but you had threatened to make two thousand copies of it.” She lets out such a lovely laugh, but… I WHAT? Oh god this sounds way too similar to the daydream I had last week. Oh Goooooooood why? I shrink in on myself. “I’m sorry I was such an otaku. I’ll find a hole and bury myself in it later.” “Oh don’t be so melodramatic, Rei, it's cute.” She tries to soothe me. She actually cares… oh, this really isn’t helping me calm down, though. “Though would you mind explaining what an ‘otaku’ is? It’s at least the second time you’ve mentioned it and Catherine mentioned it too. It sounds familiar. I’m sure you said it before in our past life, but I don’t think you ever explained it.” Huh? She looks genuinely curious, and it doesn't seem like she’s trying to tease me about it either. “Oh, well, ummm, I guess the easiest way to explain it without context is someone who gets way into certain kinds of media , like kinda obsessively into it. Huh, I guess you didn’t really have any media like that. Okay, so like, imagine if a play becomes really well known throughout the whole country and is really easy to watch and see and some people really get into, like, the story, or maybe the characters, or two characters’ romances. Or like, a singer gets really popular with a lot of people. Or an athlete. You had those, right?” She nods. “Okay so yeah, sometimes there is a whole subculture that talks about those things, and sometimes it gets derided for being too obsessive or whatever. Like, sometimes people make costumes of their favorite characters—” “Or write their own prose?” Francois-san asks. I wasn’t expecting her to be, well… really listening. “Yeahhh, we call it fan fiction here. The term otaku is not always meant politely, but it’s not always used negatively, either.” “Okay, I think I understand it, but I expect more context will help. I do want to see some of this media. I love seeing you get passionate about things. Oh, if you don’t mind, that is.” How is she always so nice to me? She’s been so calm and collected, at least when she isn’t teasing me… stop that, Rei. She has to see how awkward I am, right? I don’t feel like I deserve all this confidence she has in me. I can’t see myself measuring up to the Rei she has in her mind, at all. I saved her, she said, but how can I do that when I can’t even feel composed around her? And she looks at me like there is nothing else in the whole world. It’s all I wanted just a few days ago… and now? Am I going to lose it if she realizes I’m not like her Rei? I… I need to make sure that she gets what she needs first. I shouldn’t be so caught up in how inadequate I feel with everything she’s going through. We need to take this one step at a time. She is important right now. Not me. “Sure, no problem at all! But we should probably start heading to class before the rest of the students get there. Are you ready, Francois-san?” She just beams. “Of course. After all, I’m with you !”

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“Rei?” “Huh?” Where am I? “I think our stop is next.” Claire is gently shaking my shoulder. God… what? I have to blink. Why am I so groggy? Train… I feel asleep… on Claire too, oh no— “Sorry I didn’t mean—” “Shh, it’s okay. You needed it. We will be there in a couple of minutes.” She’s slipped an arm behind my back at some point to hold me close, and she tightens it to bring me in closer. “It was a nice ride.” She seems so serene. I really like this. “ Chiba Station.” The train comes to a stop and we both get out with a bunch of other passengers, shuffling off the platform and down the stairs leading to the pickup lanes. “So where now?” Claire asks as she looks about. She's taking in all the sights. Oh… Wow, I feel a bit nervous. “Umm, my parents said they would pick us up…” Claire blinks. Should I have told her? “Here?” “Umm yes. I…” I take a breath. “I want you to meet them. I haven’t talked to them much since I left for uni.” “Oh. Oh ! I would have dressed up more.” She starts fretting with her outfit. “Do I look adequate? I would have worn a proper dress.” I don’t get what she’s worrying about. Her skirt looks perfect and she’s wearing a cute red top that exposes her shoulders and God . “Claire, you look amazing.” She puts on a smile. It’s a little strained. “I just don’t want to leave a bad impression.” As if . “You’ll be fine.” She takes a breath. “Okay.” I take her hand. We both feel nervous. That's okay . It’s okay. So my parents said they would be here somewhere. It seems pretty busy right now—there are a lot of other cars parked here. I haven’t gotten a text from Mom saying otherwise so they should be here, right? “Do you see them, Rei?” “Umm not yet, we might have to walk further down the lane—” THUMP ! Something bumps me in the back of the knee and my leg buckles. And that something is giggling like a brat . Claire gasps. “What! How dare you, little cretin. What is wrong with you?!” “I’m gonna murder you, Masao!” The laughter becomes boisterous and I regain my footing and pivot on the spot. “Masao, you asshole! What’s wrong with you?” “So much. Hey Sis.” “Don’t ‘Hey Sis’ me! I could have fallen.” “Nah.” Dead. Fucking. God. “I swear I will—” “Who’s the blonde?” “Huh?” “Excuse me?” Claire does not look thrilled. She might actually do something rash. “Mom said you were bringing a friend. There’s no way that this is your…?” “Wait, this is your brother?” The little shit grins and slinks up right next to me. It’s really unfair that he is almost as tall as me now. “Can’t you see the resemblance?” Claire blinks and places a hand on her chin. “Actually, yes. This is odd.” At least Masao shies away a little from the inspection. “Is Dad here?” I'm so telling Mom. “Umm, yeah, he’s way back. Parking was busy so they kicked me out to look out for you. Umm…” Don't tell me he has the same taste as me. “I’m Oohashi Masao. I guess you're friends with my sister.” I can feel my eyes narrow. Are you seriously striking a pose? Claire looks a little unsure, “Oh, hello. I’ve heard a bit about you. I’m Claire Francois. Rei is my…” She doesn't know what to say she is . Fuck it. “She’s my girlfriend, so back off brat.” He bounces away from me. “What! You’re shitting me! Her?!” He points at her. Oh, this is great. “Don’t point. And yes.” Claire breaks into a wide smile. This was the right move . “Yes, we’re dating. Romantically .” “But she’s like, a knockout.” “ I know .” He takes another look at her. “HOW?” Claire laughs and moves up to me, bumping her shoulder into mine and taking my hand again. Aaaaaah— “Your sister is very cute and handsome, that’s how.” Masao blinks again and then looks at me. Yeah, she’s with me, punk . “Wow, nice.” Claire bursts into a messy snort, and I can’t help but laugh too. “So, like, where’s Dad again?” “Yeah, yeah.” He starts walking and we follow. “This way… so you didn’t tell Dad or Mom?” “I — I was going to tell them now.” I can feel Claire’s hands squeeze mine. I squeeze back. “Please let me say it, okay?” “Uhhh, sure… sure. Sorry. Uni sure has treated you well, huh?” “Yeah… mostly. It’s been good.” “Cool. They’re over there, by the way.” He points to the end of a long line of cars. Dad’s old blue car is sitting there, the same as ever. “I’ll let you have a second.” “Awww, look at you being considerate.” I give his hair a good ruffle and he immediately squirms and ducks away. “Whatever.” He huffs. “Thank you Masao-kun.” Claire says. There’s a soft smile on her face. Masao just blushes, looks partly away and runs his finger under his nose. Wow, and he calls me a cliche . “Come on, Claire.” I give her hand a slight pull and she follows me to the car. I can see them both in the car — Dad is in the driver's seat and it looks like Mom has spotted me. She’s eyeing us and oh… yup. She's getting out. She quickly runs around the car and wraps me in a hug. Come on, Mom. Claire manages to hold my hand through it. I’m holding on too, but she has to give some room. “Rei! It’s been so long! Have you been eating and sleeping? It hasn’t been too much, has it?” “Mom, come on.” I’m trying to get out of her hug but she’s being really clingy. “Yes of course. Can you let go?” She pouts. Come on, Mom. I can hear Claire laugh. Mom finally relents, only now she’s all misty eyed. This is so embarrassing. She finally notices Claire. She notices the hands. Us. Holding them. Each other’s. Oh wow . Her eyes slowly rise to meet mine. She wants to ask . “Who’s this?” Right, this. Now . “Ummm… can Dad come out…? I…” My throat feels so dry right now. I feel Claire gently squeeze my hand. She knows already, doesn't she? “Of course, honey.” She turns around and taps on the window. I can see Dad's a bit surprised. He rolls the window down. “Everything all right?” “Just come out. Rei wants to introduce us.” “Oh, is this the friend you told us about?” “Just come out, dear.” Wow, Dad is not taking the hint . “Okay, okay.” He rolls the window back up and steps out of the car, taking a spot next to Mom. He looks at Claire. I can see his eyes casually float over our hands but then he just follows it back to me. He really hasn’t put it together, has he ? I don't know which is going to be more awkward, the expectant look from Mom, or the surprise Dad is going to have. “ Sooooo… what do you want to tell us, honey?” Oh god, Mom. Pleeeeeease. Claire squeezes my hand. I got this. “Mom… Dad… this is Francois Claire.” God, I have to swallow the lump in my throat. “She’s… my girlfriend.” Fuck. I said it— Oof! Mom’s hugging me again. TigHtly . Oh god. She's squEEzing. “You’re dating an American?” “DAD! Come on, she’s French.” Oh my God . “Nice to meet you, Francois-san.” Wow, he’s really taking it in stride. He extends a hand to Claire, and she smiles and shakes it. “It’s very nice of you to come out with Rei today.” “I’m happy to be here. Thank you for picking us up, Oohashi-san.” Dad’s got a dorky smile on his face. Wow, is he… happy ? “She’s so pretty, Rei!” Mom pulls back slightly and looks me in the face. “Are you okay, dear?” “Of c-course.” Why wouldn’t I be? Mom’s always been supportive. It’s nice that dad is too. He never really seemed to get it before. Why is it affecting me so much? Claire squeezes my hand. Mom shushes and wipes something from my face. I don’t know what that could be . “I’m glad to have finally met you,” Claire says. “Your daughter is wonderful and I’m glad we found each other.” “Are you crying?” Go—od . When did Masao get back here? “Shut up.” “Kids, no fighting in front of the company.” Dad flicks Masao in the head but the brat just grins

63_2

. “I’m sure your friends are waiting, so let’s get you there, okay?” Mom says. “Yeah, thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad.”

31_1

I thought the walk back to my dorm would clear my mind a bit but… fdjaslk;fjads;ldlfldajfldaldlkvnloi. What? She called me her wife . She said that we are— were wives. Francois-san was my wife in a past life! She kept calling me Rei…. Rei… Oh God, even just recalling it makes me blush. I need to get this under control before I see Misha. Am I going to tell her? Francois-san said it’s fine… How do I even explain it without sounding crazy? I’m not an idiot for believing her, right? There’s no way she could have known all of that stuff about me, and she does seem like she is genuine. Right? I’m not just rationalizing it ‘cause I want it to be true… God, how did my one college crush turn out like this? This is actually insane. Like, what are we? Actual soulmates? Just being reborn over and over? Together forever…. Oh God, why am I doing this to myself? It’s way too warm and Misha is going to take one look at my face and know something’s up. And then she is going to grill me and I need to not let that happen!. Cool it, Rei! Last week Francois-san didn’t even look my way. She was so haughty and cool, and now she’s so kind. It feels like my emotions have been thrown into a jet engine. And I think she was even teasing me a bit too?! I want her to tease me more — REI! I slap my face, both cheeks. I need to focus. First things first. Either tell Misha everything, or tell her something… or nothing. Nothing is easier, right? She doesn’t need to know right now, after all. Right? Like, maybe I can tell her later when I get myself more under control. Right now I feel like a mess because of Francois-san. Francois-san made a mess of me — STOP! Okay, let's get home first. The room I share with Misha is small, just two beds and a shared desk, cramped but doable. Especially on our budget. Not like Francois-san’s luxurious grand room that would put some entire apartments to shame. Misha is on her bed, busy working away at something on her laptop. She has earbuds in, but pops them out when she notices me. “You’re a bit late.” She states. Something about the way she looks at me makes me feel like I’m being analyzed. I give a laugh, hoping to throw her off and not sound nervous. Not at all. “Yeah, just got caught up in something with a new friend.” Okay, good cover. Not really lying, good start. Misha narrows her gaze. Fuck . “What did you do?” Seriously? “I didn’t do anything! Why are you looking at me like I did something?” “Reeeeeiiii…” Misha just draws out the vowel and doesn’t let up with her withering gaze. Dammit. . “Okay, fine, I was with Francois-san.” God, I can’t believe I caved in already . “Rei…” Misha takes a breath and pinches the top of her nose. “That bitch? Seriously? Rei, you should stay away from her. I don’t care if she’s your silly crush. She’s bad news.” “Hey, that’s not true!” I can’t help but blurt out. “Really? You're just going to hurt yourself, and anyone who's paying attention knows you have no shot. She hasn’t been exactly keeping it a secret that she’s gunning for Thane-san, you know.” I know Misha is just looking out for me, but that doesn’t make this feel any less patronizing. “Well, she thinks I’m her wife .” Which is probably why I just said that. God, this is why I didn’t want to bring this up now. Misha’s jaw drops. Okay, this really wasn’t how this was supposed to go. “ What ?” God, I wish we had AC in this room. “Okay, this is going to sound insane, but she has memories of a past life where we were married and she sorta said that the version of me in that life had memories of my previous life and it sounds like some sorta loop….” God, I’m rambling. Misha’s eyes glaze over pretty quickly, and then she just shakes her head, pops her earbuds back in and turns back to her laptop. “Miiiiishaaaaaa, don’t abandon me!” I dash over to her bed and kneel beside it, shaking her leg. “Christ, Rei, do you even hear yourself? You’re a lost cause.” She tries to pull her leg away. “Misha, it’s true.” “Bullshit.” “She knew things, Misha.” Misha’s eyes narrow again. “So she’s stalking you too? Rei, she’s playing you. Get away from her—she’s just setting you up for some sort of cruel joke. Or worse.” “She couldn’t have known about this stuff. You weren't there.” Misha just stares, waiting for an answer. God, if I had just held it together and kept this all to myself for at least one night. ONE NIGHT. I take a deep breath. “She knew about Misaki.” “So? She probably just found some articles. Suicides make the news.” Misha tries to sound nonchalant but I can see she doesn't like the direction this conversation is going. “She didn’t just know about the suicide. She knew why he did it.” I have to take a hard swallow. God, today has made a mess of my feelings. Misha stares at the wall for a moment. Then she sighs and closes her laptop, pushing it to the side and storing her earbuds. “Explain.” “She said our past life took place in, like, a different world, and I found her there and we got married. In that life I think I had memories from this life, or some version of this life? She told me I told her about my previous life, and that's how she knew all these things about me. She knew about that awkward love square from middle school and she knew that Misaki was trans and that's why he… she even called him him . Only a few of us knew about that, and you're the only person I talked to about this. She just knew , it was like we had talked about it so many times already…I…” “You’re being serious.” It’s not a question so much as reluctant acceptance. “Yes, trust me, I know it sounds insane but I don’t have any other way to explain it. She doesn’t remember anything from this life. She didn’t even know what a phone was.” “Oh Christ, Rei, are you sure? Are you sure you aren’t both just… I don’t know, is it amnesia or something?” Misha sounds like she is trying to come up with some rational explanation, but I can see she’s just grasping at straws. “She didn’t know about phones?” “Yeah, I’m telling you, she has no idea about technology. I had to get directions from her roommate to get her home, and even her roommate seemed to believe her explanation after she talked to her. And they know each other well. Francois-san is like a completely different person. We were working on a plan to get her up to speed.” “Wait, we ?” “...yeah?” Wait, why does Misha look disappointed in me? “Rei….” … “Rei!” “ What ?” I huff. “She isn’t your responsibility! This is insane—you can’t be the one to fix this, it’s way too big. She needs to go home and get tutoring or something.” “And what, completely derail her life?” And worse, leave me behind right when I finally have a chance? I can make this work. “Rei, her life is already derailed. How is she supposed to get anything done? Classes? Homework? Hell, how is she even going to act normal around people? Her social life is going to be thrown out the window, and she was quite the little socialite despite being such a bitch.” “Hey! She remembers some people from her past life! She still knew her roommate. She remembers you, too.” Misha pinches her nose again, “Are you telling me we all knew each other in our past lives?” “I think so? I don’t know who else she knows from back then. It seemed like some stuff sorta lined up for her. She mentioned an accident… and okay, I don’t think I should mention too much, but she asked if you were my roommate, by name, and she was relieved when I said you were. She even said I could tell you about this if I thought it was a good idea. She trusts you.” “Rei, you know how insane this sounds, right? Even if what she’s saying is all true, you can’t do this by yourself. This is way too much for you to take on.” Misha sounds concerned, but it’s not like I don't understand how big this is. It’s just, who else is going to help Francois-san and not just lock her up until they ‘fix’ her? “Misha, she needs help from someone who won't think she’s crazy. Her roommate is going to help, too. I’m going to go pick her up tomorrow and take her to class. We share quite a few of the same classes. I think we’re both in the business track so there’s a lot of overlap.” “This doesn’t feel like it can work, Rei.” Misha tries one more time.

31_2

“I’m not going to give up on her,” I respond. I’m not sure where the stubbornness comes from, and it seems to surprise Misha as well. Maybe that’s why she just sighs in resignation. “Ok, fine. Save your crush, or wife, or whatev—” Misha pauses as she says that part out loud. “Wait, God, we just skimmed over that and how crazy it sounds. This is worse than those manga you read. She was your wife ?” Does Misha really have to act like that’s the most egregious thing about all of this? “That’s what she said.” Why is it so warm in here? Misha snickers. “Oh wow, and let me guess. She still loves you?” I try to glare at Misha but she just stops holding back and lets herself laugh until she’s doubled over. This is violence, Misha. How are you my best friend? “Miiishaaa, pleeeease.” She eventually settles down and wipes her eyes, a smirk still on her face. “So you finally got yourself a girlfriend?” “Oh, laugh it up. I see how you get around Yu-san.” She has no business making fun of me when she’s just as bad. “Answer the question, otaku.” “Fine! She said she’ill wait ‘till I’m ready.” Misha snickers viciously again. “How much more ready do you need to be? You literally haven’t been able to shut up about her.” Misha sits up and puts her hands together like she’s praying. “Oh Misha, how can Francois-san look so perfect and pristine? It’s like she’s a princess from a fairy tale, or even better, the evil queen. Sure she can be so cool, proper and detached, but that glare of hers says that she wants to step on her unworthy minions, I just know it I’ll bet she has a hidden fiery side if only—” Thwak! I hit her square in the face with one of the pillows from her bed, knocking her down. I ready the pillow for another strike if needed, but Misha just smirks and doesn’t say anything, as though she’s already won. Damn her. I let out a huffy sigh and get up from her bed to sit down on my own. “Let me know if any other crazy things start happening. Otherwise I have a paper to finish.” Misha disappears back into her laptop and earbuds, though she does give the occasional glance my way. I fall back into my bed and let my bag fall on the floor. Before real thoughts can percolate into my consciousness I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Oh, Francois-san sent me a text. Never mind, she sent a letter. Hello Rei, I hope this finds you well and you made it to your abode safely. I must thank you again for taking the time to help me as you have. I’m very grateful that you listened to me and took me at my word. I would have been lost without the help you have given me thus far, and for the further help you have offered in the coming days. I hope one day I can make this all up to you tenfold and I am sorry if I may have made you uncomfortable with the implication I made about our previous lives together. I understand and will respect your wishes if you do not want to pursue such a relationship, but I will not lie either. I do hope I can share this love with you once again, and you will always hold a place in my heart regardless. Sincerely yours, Claire Francois. I need to crack open a window. I can hear Misha snicker at me, again. Dammit, I’m blushing. Great. Laugh it up Misha, I’ll remember this. Hi Francois-san, Thks np Sorry, I mean thanks, no problem. texting is pretty informal and we tend to shorten words a lot Thks is thanks. I will try to avoid using abbreviations too much, but just ask if something comes up that you don’t understand We use acronyms a lot too, like imo is in my opinion, but just text however works for you. oh but maybe avoid sounding too formal with people who don’t know. You can probably even see some of your old texts to get an idea about how you used to text. And I’m not uncomfortable About a relationship With you I mean It's just that a lot happened in the last 8 hours and I don't want to move too fast. And I’m not out. I don’t think you were either. (being out means being open about being queer) sorry, I’m rambling, and I can see you are trying to type something back. I’ll pause Now Sorry, I am quite slow at this and you are very fast. It's a thing you get better at over time Thank you for your patience, Rei. I might have had to stop and rewrite my sentences several times. Lol Lol = laugh out loud I see. This feels more like a conversation than I thought it would be. It’s a pleasant ability to have. That said, I would like to try to call you if that is all right with you . Of course It doesn’t take too long for my phone to ring. I quickly hit accept. “Hello?” I try to say it clearly for her. “Hello!” Francois-san sounds very proud of herself. Oh God, it’s adorable . She must be beaming on the other end. “Thank you again, Rei. Phones are incredible. Are you sure this isn’t magic?” I laugh. “Yes, it’s not magic. I don’t think I could explain it very well right now. It’s very complicated how they work, but it’s just a machine. How are you settling in?” “Excited, also a bit nervous, but otherwise well, I think. Catherine was showing me a few other things before I wrote to you. Did you know about TVs? She also showed me her computer laptop. Apparently I have one as well.” I curl up in bed while listening to her voice. Something about this feels right. Just a day ago it was wishful thinking to imagine I could ever even talk to her. While this is pretty different from what I imagined, in many ways this side of her feels right. Like I was right about her all along. “Yes, TV’s are everywhere, and most students have a laptop. They’re very useful. We can get into it tomorrow after classes.” Francois-san hums in agreement on the other end, “Rei, I have a question.” Her voice drops to a whisper. “Are you still able to hear me?” “Ah, yeah. Though if you’re trying to not be heard you could try pocketing your hand over your mouth and phone. Or just leave the room. What’s up, are you okay?” “Oh, yes.” It still sounds like she’s trying to whisper but her voice is coming through a little bit clearer now. “I just would like it if Catherine didn’t overhear this. You may have heard when she talked about how I am to blame for the state of her prosthetic leg. It got damaged a bit at some point and it seems to be a pain to use but I don’t know how to go about replacing it. I would suggest repairing it, but she said it’s cheap and was poor quality to begin with. I think I have the monetary means to get her a better one but well, as you have seen, I am quite ignorant about how anything works here.” “Oh yeah, we can look into that. I think at some point you’ll need to let her know though, so she can get it fitted properly. But that sounds like something we should look into soon. I’m sure she would appreciate it.” “Thanks, Rei. I’m getting the sense the other me was… well, probably insecure and immature in the ways I was before I met you. And she probably made some poor choices. I would like to remedy those if I can.” Francois-san doesn’t sound ashamed, but there’s a sympathetic sort of softness to her voice. A sense of responsibility, even if she herself isn’t to blame. “I did steal her life, in a way.” “That’s quite a big assumption,” I can’t help but retort. “We don’t know exactly what’s happening, but from what you said it sounds like we might be reliving our lives over and over again? Maybe something just slid in a little wrong when you got here, and your other memories will come back in time. Maybe this version of you was just dormant this whole time.” I’m rambling again. Francois-san just chuckles, and wow, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. “Thank you, Rei. You're right, as usual. It does no good to ruminate on conjectures with no information. Still, I will honor my responsibilities.” “What was it like? Your… our old life?” I ask her. “Us? Early on, very chaotic and turbulent.” She laughs pleasantly. “We met at the Bauer Academy, a school for raising the brightest and most talented. I was a high-ranking, noble-born daughter of the house Francois and you were a very cheeky commoner.” The emphasis she puts on that last part causes a pleasant shiver to run down my body. “The first thing you said to me was that you loved me, and that I should bully you.” She laughs again and the room suddenly feels several degrees warmer. I said that? Oh God, what was wrong with me? It’s not like I didn’t imagine- “Rei, are you still there? Hello?” “yES.” Oh, that was too squeaky. I cough. “

31_3

I’m still here. Sorry.” “Rei…” She slowly draws out my name in a husky voice. I shiver again. “Yes…?” I hold the phone close to my ear. “Would you like it if I teased you?” Her voice is so low and smooth. I huddle up into a ball and press my face into my pillow. I feel like I am about to explode. “Yes.” The sound that comes out of my mouth is a whimper. Oh God, what am I saying? “ Good girl. ” I can hear her smile as she says it. I let out a groan and Francois-san just laughs. I might have heard Misha telling me to shut up, too. “Rei? Sorry, was that a bit much?” Yes. “No.” Francois-san hums contentedly. I love the way it sounds. God, I’m so fucked. Who am I kidding? I’ve already got it so bad for her. “Well, back to your question….” Oh, that is so unfair. “We went through a lot together, you and I. You taught me so much and saved my life when the revolution came. We became teachers at the Academy, raised two daughters and lived a good life, I would say.” “Daughters?” Oh right, she did say something about that before. Wait, how did we- “Adopted twins. May and Aleah.” The way she says their names, so softly, I can almost imagine her with them. It’s a lot harder to imagine myself, though. “I can’t see myself as a mother.” “You were wonderful, Rei. I couldn't have done it without you.” I wish I could share in her confidence. She yawns. I guess it’s been a long day hasn’t it? “It’s getting late, Francois-san. We should probably get to sleep.” “Aww,” Francois-san pouts. “I’m enjoying this so much, but you are probably right.” She yawns again. “Goodness, fine, you are right, as usual. ” “I liked this too, Francois-san. We’ll do it again soon. Oh, before we go, I wanted to tell you to make sure Achard-san shows you how the alarm on your phone works. You probably have one that will wake you up for classes.. She would know if anyone would.” “I’ll ask her. Thank you, Rei. Good night—I will see you in the morning.” “Good night,” I softly say back to her. I wait on the line until the call ends. God, I feel so restless now. I can’t help but fidget in place, rolling back and forth in my bed— “Wow, you are such a simp,” Misha’s voice comes from across the room. I freeze in place and hazard a glance in her direction. Misha is still working on her paper, eyes only occasionally glance my way. “Enjoy your call, much?” “It’s rude to eavesdrop.” “It’s hard to not hear you when you sqwee so much.” Misha states, deadpan. Wow, rude. Fine. I’ll remember this next time Yu-san is around and you get all sappy and starstruck. It’s late and I will probably have to leave quite a bit earlier to rendezvous with Francois-san tomorrow. I could go to sleep, but maybe I’ll look up prosthetic legs for a bit before I pack it in.

54_1

“Hey.” “Hey.” Misha’s reading something, or typing something on her laptop. Fuck I have some homework I should be doing too. “Sorry about that.” “It’s fine, I was just at a point, I let you know. It was just a long day.” She's not upset at least. “Kay.” “How was your dinner? You good with Claire-san? You two seemed… up and down?” “It’s fine? I don’t… I’m not that bad right? Like I’m sure Rae didn’t have any problems doing it, but it’s not like…?” “ Rei ?” “That other me. The one Claire remembers.” The better one . “Oh… That .” She wants to say something but holds it back and goes for something else. “I mean you did skip a school day once to play a game when it was released.” “Oh my god was that game not worth it. I can’t even remember what it was about anymore. Mom got so mad at me for it too.” “Yah, cause it was stupid.” Judgey. “But like…” I don't know… “Rei, sometimes you are really bad at it. There were so many times you would show up at school like a zombie because you were either binging some fic, playing a game or what I assume was writing your own fics.” “But that’s like the only way I can get everything done.” “It’s not healthy, Claire is right. You're not mad at her for pointing it out are you?” “No!... I just… I wasn’t expecting to get told off for it… and like… I felt like a... disappointment. Or something.” Misha takes a breath, closes her laptop and turns to face me properly. “It didn’t sound like that to me, did she say something like that later? It really sounded like she just wants you to not drop dead cause you forgot to eat.” “She didn’t but… like there is something she isn’t telling. I can feel it, it’s about Rae, the other Rae. I feel like she keeps… like I’m not anything like her. That Rae saved the world or something, saved her from dying in a revolution and here I am forgetting to eat because I got too caught up in holding her hand?” Misha quirks her brow. “Has she been comparing you to her?” “Not directly… but she thinks I can do things, or I’m better at things than I really am. Like she thinks I can cook, and she keeps wanting to read my writing.” “So… let her read it. And tell her you can’t cook?” “But then… I can’t cook?” I need to? Come on Misha, don’t look at me like that. “Yah, because you can’t, Christ Rei. She’s not stupid, she can’t really think you can do all the things that her version did right? And like, if she does, she’s in the wrong.” “But… I don’t want to ruin this, I don’t know how to say… and like what if I say I can’t do this one thing. And then it’s another, and another, another, another and then she doesn’t even think I’m Rae anymore and I can’t be with her and then I lose…” She’s going to realize… An arm wraps around my shoulder, I didn’t even notice Misha get up. It’s an awkward hug, pretty typical for her, but it’s nice. She pulls back after a bit, she probably counted the time in her head. “Look, if that’s true, she’s wrong and you can do better. I think you need to tell her, it’s probably going to be fine. And I mean it. It’s freaky how well she knows you Rei, but she can’t read your mind. And the more you keep not bringing it up, the more it’s going to catch her off guard. She really does seem like she wants what’s best for you.” I take a deep breath. “It’s hard. I… you how stupid I can be but she…” “She probably also knows Rei, come on. There’s no way this other you wasn’t also stupid.” Rude. And she hasn't been listening to Claire either. “This has really been eating you up hasn’t it? Getting you to talk about Misaki was like pulling teeth. But this…” “Well Misaki is gone.” It’s too quiet. Why did I say that? Like that. He’s gone. I just wanted… “She’s not going to leave you.” “You don’t know that!” “ Rei, Breathe.” “Don’f fucking patro-” “Shut up and breathe you idiot.” She snaps. I inhale. “Now exhale.” “Mi-” “I said exhale.” In Out In Out “Good.” “You suck.” “Keep breathing.” Fine. I was breathing fine . “You were like this last year too, you know. Snippy. I know it’s coming up and honestly you have not had much time for yourself. You leave early, come back late. You’re always with Claire-san.” “I want to be!” “Okay, but what about yourself? I don't think she would be happy if she knew how much you are stretching yourself thin.” “But we don’t do that much over the weekend.” “Sorta, but you're still fretting over her all the time. And it’s been almost two months of it now.” That can’t be right. There has to have been at least one weekend… “See? I’m right.” “Fine.” Why is everyone else always right? “And your wound up, and whatever it is you’re not talking to her about it.” “I just want to be her Rae .” Misha sighs. “Rei, look. This is weird, like I don't know how else to put it. But it feels fucked that you think you have to measure up to yourself . A version of yourself that was older right? Like she lived a whole life with Claire-san? You’re not being fair to yourself.” “Fair doesn’t matter. She loved her .” “And you think she doesn’t love you…?” “I’m not her.” “God we are going around in circles.” She sighs and shakes her head. “Look, two things. You need to find some closure with Misaki, it’s still eating you up and you really need to talk about it. Two, you need to relax about Claire. Just have some faith in her, you’re really bad at talking about yourself but you're not great at hiding that something is bugging you. She’s not an idiot, and… I think she is just trying to help us.” “Us…? What did she say to you?” “It’s not important.” That was curt. “Oh that is such bullshit, she said something to you. About me, didn't she?” She gives me such a dead stare. Don't pretend I'm wrong. “God Rei, are you listening to yourself? It wasn’t about you, christ. Look… I can’t tell you-” “Won't tell me.” “Look it was fucking about me okay!” She snaps. “Huh?” “You think I fucking believed it from what you told me? She told me something that there was no way she should have known, and there is no fucking way you knew either. So yes, she told me stuff but that stuff isn’t fucking about you so get the fuck out your head.” She takes a few heavy breaths… I almost never see her like this. She finally takes a final deep breath and her breathing mellows out. “Sorry… umm… you're right. I’m just…” “Rei, I get it, just… you’re going to have to trust her at some point.” “I do-” “Sshh! Let me finish! Trusting her doesn’t just mean believing her. Trusting her means talking to her, being open. Letting her know.” “Okay… I’ll try to think about it.” I just need to figure it out. Misha nods, and returns to her bed. “Hey, we cool?” I have to ask, Misha almost never snaps, She raises her brow, “Of course.” “Cool.” Thank god. I hop on my bed. She’s right . I know. But the idea of telling Claire… It's terrifying. I am terrified that I won’t measure up. Fuck. Being honest about it isn’t really making it easier to deal with. Get out of your head. Breathe. Okay. I need to relax. Unwind. Not obsess. Claire’s reading PrayLove right? Maybe I can read that too? You're obsessing over her again. Fuck. I’m still going to do it. But not because of Claire. Liar. It’s been a while since I read it. And Maybe I need to open my doc and write a bit more of Lady Shouko’s Lover . Just not think. Zen out. Just don’t think about it. Easy. “Hey Misha.” She hums. “You really don’t want to tell me what Claire said to you?” No answer. “I bet I could guess.” Still no answer. “I bet… it was about Yu.” She gives me a sideways glance. Getting hotter. “I think I might have figured it out already . It sounds like you and Yu hooked up.” She’s staring at me. It feels quiet, like I’m the only thing making any sound in the room. It’s a bit scary, but honestly I don’t think I can help myself now. “She tried to hide it but sounds like you two are soulmates .” “Had me worried there for a second. Guess she did manage to not ruin that yet.” She turns back to her work. She’s bluffing.

54_2

“Aww come on, there is def something going on between you two.” She doesn’t look back. “Look I appreciate that you are trying to distract yourself, but I’m not telling you anything.” “Something is going on with you and Yu though. Like come on, even before Claire showed up it was super obv. Like what are you two waiting for?” She sighs. “God, I have no idea where to begin.” She starts counting down on her hand. “I guess for starters you are second only to Yu at being miserable about talking about yourself and your problems, and there's this whole bullshit with his-their family. Yu is expected to marry some girl, their dad is an associate or some BS with her dad, some stupid right winger dipshit policial, Lilium? God he sounded miserable when we looked it up. And even if that wasn’t around, I’m such a bad… fit. Like my dad used to work for Bauer-sama and he did not leave on the best terms. I know this is bullshit, but form their view I’m way too mundane to even entertain the idea.” “Okay, so Yu’s family sucks… like that’s not new.” She sighs again. “Their brothers are mostly okay.” “Rod seems full of himself.” Can’t believe he was trying to hit on me before still. She shakes her head. “Okay, Rod is kinda full of himself, but he’s not the worst . Like he could be a lot worse, he’s just got a big head I think, and honestly I think he struggles just feeling like… normal? I don’t know, Yu has opinions. Thane is probably the most well adjusted of them, just seems quiet. He’s pretty introverted but I think he’s pretty nice overall. Thoughtful.” “He seemed nice-ish the few times I talked to him, even if it was a bit stunted. But like, so what if his parents don’t approve?” This is stupid, they should just go for it already. “Yu cares.” Misha says it like that’s all there is that needs to be said. “You like him? What about what you want?” She sighs again, “I don’t know… it just feels like it’s getting more and more complicated. I want Yu to be happy but… I don’t know what that means yet.” She slumps. I know that feeling. A lot . “Mood.” There is just a hum from her in return. Fuck… I was supposed to be distracting myself, great job Rei. Again. “Yah, well at least your girl knows what she wants.” Yeah… Rae.

24

Wow, it’s been a long day, Claire has been pushing her studying a lot since her first test came in. I want to help her as much as I can, but it has been a long day. Fuck… I am beat. If only Claire was the one doing the beating. Oh. God. The intrusive thoughts are just getting worse. I guess that’s fine. I’m probably just tired, the lights are out and I just want to zone out. But I feel my phone buzz next to me. It buzzes again. Claire doesn’t usually text me quite so late… but I need to check in case it is her. Hey, where have you been, it’s been a while since I heard anything from you. Did you die? Oh it’s Shiko, now I feel guilty, I wasn’t trying to ignore her but… like a lot has happened. I’m alive, sorry uni has been very busy Fair Fair, you still have time to update your fic? You usually have something up by now. Oh jeez, My lady Shouko fic… wow I haven’t even had time to think about it. Do… I… Oh god I think I don’t care? Okay okay. I don't not care anymore… I just… I still want to finish it I think! But I don’t want to cut into my time with Claire, she needs me! Oh, yah I guess ?? It’s been busy Sure, but even during exams weeks you manage to stick to your schedule, did you finally get tired of PrayLove? Nonono, not really idk its weird stuff just happened What stuff Idk … Dont … me … Shiko… Did you…? Did I what? You know ;) Fuck you did I dont’ know what you are talking about Holy fuck Yes you do, don’t lie to me Who is it? Dont hold out on me oohashi! It’s a girl in my class Fuck yes who is it? It might be the one I was crushing on Are you fucking serious, didn’t you say she was like a model or something? How the fuck did you manage that? I dont know I need picture Fine but you can’t share it There is a thumbs up emoji, I take a breath and find one of the photos from our… date. Oh god I was on a date with Claire… What the fuck there is no way where did you find this? I groan, and send her a second picture, this time with me included, wow I look nervous here, but at least Claire looks happy and gorgeous… Holy fuck W How? Srsly how did you do it? IDK It wouldn’t make sense if I told you W Getting a girlfriend is a good reason to forgot about a fic Wait? she is right? Your not debasing yourself for a straight girl right? we kissed There isn’t any immediate reply, is she done? I was honestly expecting her to say- The phone is ringing, shit I hit the button quickly and bury myself under the blankets and pillows. I don’t want Misha to shout at me. “Shiko! I have a roommate!” “Then why didn’t you just hang up?” God she is smirking, I can hear it. “...What do you want?” God she can be an ass. “You have to tell me if you are fucking with me.” I groan, “I… I’m not, we really…” Oh god, burying myself under everything is not helping with the heat I feel rising throughout. “And you didn’t think to tell me?” “It just happened, we had a date on Sunday.” “Wow, where were you two?” “The zoo by the university.” “Hmmm, couldn’t find an aquarium?” “Oh fuck off.” She laughs on the other end, “So…? How is it?” “Ughhh, wow, real good. I… kissing good. She is so pretty, and so nice, and I can’t believe it’s happening.” “Hey you deserve it.” “Ugh, Thanks, god it doesn’t feel real sometimes, she is really into me for some reason.” “You are cute.” “Shiko…” “Hey you can’t fault me for having good taste. So is this finally the end of Lady Shouko?” “I don’t know, I want to finish it, I have been doing it for what? At least three years? But it’s different now… I… fuck I have never felt like this before, I almost feel like a gremlin when I think about her, and I was always obsessed with PrayLove before but this… this on a completely different level.” “That’s fair… the real stuff kinda trumps the fictional.” “Yeaaah.” “We should hang out, I can rope in Kosaki too, I bet she would want to meet your new girlfriend too.” “Ohh, ohh really? Umm, I-” “Hey, Chill Rei.” “Right, umm maybe, yah sure, I think? Maybe in a few weeks, god I have been so busy and we have plans already for this weekend.” “Sure, sure, lucky you. Just talk to her and see if there is a good time, it’s easy enough to get on the train and meet you there.” “Yeah, I’ll see. I think she would like to meet you.” “Oh, did you tell her about us?” Well technically yes? “Uh sorta, she knows about the… y’know, and also about Misaki.” I can hear her hum, “... yah, his Day is coming up… you going to come out for it?” …“Yes.” Wow, that’s already next month isn’t it? “Good, he would like that.” “Yeah.” “Yah... well you sound tired, and I’m probably not going to sleep for several hours still but I’m not going to keep you up because I am a degen. Don’t forget about me again, and keep me posted, m’kay? “Sure thing Shiko, thanks.” “Night.” “Good night.” The line goes dead and I click the screen off. I pull myself out of the cover I made; the air was getting really stuffy, and it doesn't look like Misha has stirred. Good. Claire meeting Shiko and Kosaki huh? Should I also invite Claire to see Misaki when we go? She knows, it’s not like I would be explaining anything right? I think she would want to come… I’ll ask her later. I should have told Shiko, shouldn't I? Not the whole isekai and memory stuff; that would just sound insane, but I should have mentioned sooner that I have a… Girlfriend . Wow, oh wow. I’m Claire's girlfriend. aaaAAAaaaAAAAaaaAAAAaaaAAAaaaAAaaAAaaAaAaAaAaaaaaa… Fuck I need to sleep.

4_1

I thought the walk back to my dorm would clear my mind a bit but… fdjaslk;fjads;ldlfldajfldaldlkvnloi. What? She called me her wife . She said that we are— were wives. Francois-san was my wife in a past life! She kept calling me Rei…. Rei… Oh God, even just recalling it makes me blush. I need to get this under control before I see Misha. Am I going to tell her? Francois-san said it’s fine… How do I even explain it without sounding crazy? I’m not an idiot for believing her, right? There’s no way she could have known all of that stuff about me, and she does seem like she is genuine. Right? I’m not just rationalizing it ‘cause I want it to be true… God, how did my one college crush turn out like this? This is actually insane. Like, what are we? Actual soulmates? Just being reborn over and over? Together forever…. Oh God, why am I doing this to myself? It’s way too warm and Misha is going to take one look at my face and know something’s up. And then she is going to grill me and I need to not let that happen!. Cool it, Rei! Last week Francois-san didn’t even look my way. She was so haughty and cool, and now she’s so kind. It feels like my emotions have been thrown into a jet engine. And I think she was even teasing me a bit too?! I want her to tease me more — REI! I slap my face, both cheeks. I need to focus. First things first. Either tell Misha everything, or tell her something… or nothing. Nothing is easier, right? She doesn’t need to know right now, after all. Right? Like, maybe I can tell her later when I get myself more under control. Right now I feel like a mess because of Francois-san. Francois-san made a mess of me — STOP! Okay, let's get home first. The room I share with Misha is small, just two beds and a shared desk, cramped but doable. Especially on our budget. Not like Francois-san’s luxurious grand room that would put some entire apartments to shame. Misha is on her bed, busy working away at something on her laptop. She has earbuds in, but pops them out when she notices me. “You’re a bit late.” She states. Something about the way she looks at me makes me feel like I’m being analyzed. I give a laugh, hoping to throw her off and not sound nervous. Not at all. “Yeah, just got caught up in something with a new friend.” Okay, good cover. Not really lying, good start. Misha narrows her gaze. Fuck . “What did you do?” Seriously? “I didn’t do anything! Why are you looking at me like I did something?” “Reeeeeiiii…” Misha just draws out the vowel and doesn’t let up with her withering gaze. Dammit. . “Okay, fine, I was with Francois-san.” God, I can’t believe I caved in already . “Rei…” Misha takes a breath and pinches the top of her nose. “That bitch? Seriously? Rei, you should stay away from her. I don’t care if she’s your silly crush. She’s bad news.” “Hey, that’s not true!” I can’t help but blurt out. “Really? You're just going to hurt yourself, and anyone who's paying attention knows you have no shot. She hasn’t been exactly keeping it a secret that she’s gunning for Thane-san, you know.” I know Misha is just looking out for me, but that doesn’t make this feel any less patronizing. “Well, she thinks I’m her wife .” Which is probably why I just said that. God, this is why I didn’t want to bring this up now. Misha’s jaw drops. Okay, this really wasn’t how this was supposed to go. “ What ?” God, I wish we had AC in this room. “Okay, this is going to sound insane, but she has memories of a past life where we were married and she sorta said that the version of me in that life had memories of my previous life and it sounds like some sorta loop….” God, I’m rambling. Misha’s eyes glaze over pretty quickly, and then she just shakes her head, pops her earbuds back in and turns back to her laptop. “Miiiiishaaaaaa, don’t abandon me!” I dash over to her bed and kneel beside it, shaking her leg. “Christ, Rei, do you even hear yourself? You’re a lost cause.” She tries to pull her leg away. “Misha, it’s true.” “Bullshit.” “She knew things, Misha.” Misha’s eyes narrow again. “So she’s stalking you too? Rei, she’s playing you. Get away from her—she’s just setting you up for some sort of cruel joke. Or worse.” “She couldn’t have known about this stuff. You weren't there.” Misha just stares, waiting for an answer. God, if I had just held it together and kept this all to myself for at least one night. ONE NIGHT. I take a deep breath. “She knew about Misaki.” “So? She probably just found some articles. Suicides make the news.” Misha tries to sound nonchalant but I can see she doesn't like the direction this conversation is going. “She didn’t just know about the suicide. She knew why he did it.” I have to take a hard swallow. God, today has made a mess of my feelings. Misha stares at the wall for a moment. Then she sighs and closes her laptop, pushing it to the side and storing her earbuds. “Explain.” “She said our past life took place in, like, a different world, and I found her there and we got married. In that life I think I had memories from this life, or some version of this life? She told me I told her about my previous life, and that's how she knew all these things about me. She knew about that awkward love square from middle school and she knew that Misaki was trans and that's why he… she even called him him . Only a few of us knew about that, and you're the only person I talked to about this. She just knew , it was like we had talked about it so many times already…I…” “You’re being serious.” It’s not a question so much as reluctant acceptance. “Yes, trust me, I know it sounds insane but I don’t have any other way to explain it. She doesn’t remember anything from this life. She didn’t even know what a phone was.” “Oh Christ, Rei, are you sure? Are you sure you aren’t both just… I don’t know, is it amnesia or something?” Misha sounds like she is trying to come up with some rational explanation, but I can see she’s just grasping at straws. “She didn’t know about phones?” “Yeah, I’m telling you, she has no idea about technology. I had to get directions from her roommate to get her home, and even her roommate seemed to believe her explanation after she talked to her. And they know each other well. Francois-san is like a completely different person. We were working on a plan to get her up to speed.” “Wait, we ?” “...yeah?” Wait, why does Misha look disappointed in me? “Rei….” … “Rei!” “ What ?” I huff. “She isn’t your responsibility! This is insane—you can’t be the one to fix this, it’s way too big. She needs to go home and get tutoring or something.” “And what, completely derail her life?” And worse, leave me behind right when I finally have a chance? I can make this work. “Rei, her life is already derailed. How is she supposed to get anything done? Classes? Homework? Hell, how is she even going to act normal around people? Her social life is going to be thrown out the window, and she was quite the little socialite despite being such a bitch.” “Hey! She remembers some people from her past life! She still knew her roommate. She remembers you, too.” Misha pinches her nose again, “Are you telling me we all knew each other in our past lives?” “I think so? I don’t know who else she knows from back then. It seemed like some stuff sorta lined up for her. She mentioned an accident… and okay, I don’t think I should mention too much, but she asked if you were my roommate, by name, and she was relieved when I said you were. She even said I could tell you about this if I thought it was a good idea. She trusts you.” “Rei, you know how insane this sounds, right? Even if what she’s saying is all true, you can’t do this by yourself. This is way too much for you to take on.” Misha sounds concerned, but it’s not like I don't understand how big this is. It’s just, who else is going to help Francois-san and not just lock her up until they ‘fix’ her? “Misha, she needs help from someone who won't think she’s crazy. Her roommate is going to help, too. I’m going to go pick her up tomorrow and take her to class. We share quite a few of the same classes. I think we’re both in the business track so there’s a lot of overlap.” “This doesn’t feel like it can work, Rei.” Misha tries one more time.

4_2

“I’m not going to give up on her,” I respond. I’m not sure where the stubbornness comes from, and it seems to surprise Misha as well. Maybe that’s why she just sighs in resignation. “Ok, fine. Save your crush, or wife, or whatev—” Misha pauses as she says that part out loud. “Wait, God, we just skimmed over that and how crazy it sounds. This is worse than those manga you read. She was your wife ?” Does Misha really have to act like that’s the most egregious thing about all of this? “That’s what she said.” Why is it so warm in here? Misha snickers. “Oh wow, and let me guess. She still loves you?” I try to glare at Misha but she just stops holding back and lets herself laugh until she’s doubled over. This is violence, Misha. How are you my best friend? “Miiishaaa, pleeeease.” She eventually settles down and wipes her eyes, a smirk still on her face. “So you finally got yourself a girlfriend?” “Oh, laugh it up. I see how you get around Yu-san.” She has no business making fun of me when she’s just as bad. “Answer the question, otaku.” “Fine! She said she’ill wait ‘till I’m ready.” Misha snickers viciously again. “How much more ready do you need to be? You literally haven’t been able to shut up about her.” Misha sits up and puts her hands together like she’s praying. “Oh Misha, how can Francois-san look so perfect and pristine? It’s like she’s a princess from a fairy tale, or even better, the evil queen. Sure she can be so cool, proper and detached, but that glare of hers says that she wants to step on her unworthy minions, I just know it I’ll bet she has a hidden fiery side if only—” Thwak! I hit her square in the face with one of the pillows from her bed, knocking her down. I ready the pillow for another strike if needed, but Misha just smirks and doesn’t say anything, as though she’s already won. Damn her. I let out a huffy sigh and get up from her bed to sit down on my own. “Let me know if any other crazy things start happening. Otherwise I have a paper to finish.” Misha disappears back into her laptop and earbuds, though she does give the occasional glance my way. I fall back into my bed and let my bag fall on the floor. Before real thoughts can percolate into my consciousness I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Oh, Francois-san sent me a text. Never mind, she sent a letter. Hello Rei, I hope this finds you well and you made it to your abode safely. I must thank you again for taking the time to help me as you have. I’m very grateful that you listened to me and took me at my word. I would have been lost without the help you have given me thus far, and for the further help you have offered in the coming days. I hope one day I can make this all up to you tenfold and I am sorry if I may have made you uncomfortable with the implication I made about our previous lives together. I understand and will respect your wishes if you do not want to pursue such a relationship, but I will not lie either. I do hope I can share this love with you once again, and you will always hold a place in my heart regardless. Sincerely yours, Claire Francois. I need to crack open a window. I can hear Misha snicker at me, again. Dammit, I’m blushing. Great. Laugh it up Misha, I’ll remember this. Hi Francois-san, Thks np Sorry, I mean thanks, no problem. texting is pretty informal and we tend to shorten words a lot Thks is thanks. I will try to avoid using abbreviations too much, but just ask if something comes up that you don’t understand We use acronyms a lot too, like imo is in my opinion, but just text however works for you. oh but maybe avoid sounding too formal with people who don’t know. You can probably even see some of your old texts to get an idea about how you used to text. And I’m not uncomfortable About a relationship With you I mean It's just that a lot happened in the last 8 hours and I don't want to move too fast. And I’m not out. I don’t think you were either. (being out means being open about being queer) sorry, I’m rambling, and I can see you are trying to type something back. I’ll pause Now Sorry, I am quite slow at this and you are very fast. It's a thing you get better at over time Thank you for your patience, Rei. I might have had to stop and rewrite my sentences several times. Lol Lol = laugh out loud I see. This feels more like a conversation than I thought it would be. It’s a pleasant ability to have. That said, I would like to try to call you if that is all right with you . Of course It doesn’t take too long for my phone to ring. I quickly hit accept. “Hello?” I try to say it clearly for her. “Hello!” Francois-san sounds very proud of herself. Oh God, it’s adorable . She must be beaming on the other end. “Thank you again, Rei. Phones are incredible. Are you sure this isn’t magic?” I laugh. “Yes, it’s not magic. I don’t think I could explain it very well right now. It’s very complicated how they work, but it’s just a machine. How are you settling in?” “Excited, also a bit nervous, but otherwise well, I think. Catherine was showing me a few other things before I wrote to you. Did you know about TVs? She also showed me her computer laptop. Apparently I have one as well.” I curl up in bed while listening to her voice. Something about this feels right. Just a day ago it was wishful thinking to imagine I could ever even talk to her. While this is pretty different from what I imagined, in many ways this side of her feels right. Like I was right about her all along. “Yes, TV’s are everywhere, and most students have a laptop. They’re very useful. We can get into it tomorrow after classes.” Francois-san hums in agreement on the other end, “Rei, I have a question.” Her voice drops to a whisper. “Are you still able to hear me?” “Ah, yeah. Though if you’re trying to not be heard you could try pocketing your hand over your mouth and phone. Or just leave the room. What’s up, are you okay?” “Oh, yes.” It still sounds like she’s trying to whisper but her voice is coming through a little bit clearer now. “I just would like it if Catherine didn’t overhear this. You may have heard when she talked about how I am to blame for the state of her prosthetic leg. It got damaged a bit at some point and it seems to be a pain to use but I don’t know how to go about replacing it. I would suggest repairing it, but she said it’s cheap and was poor quality to begin with. I think I have the monetary means to get her a better one but well, as you have seen, I am quite ignorant about how anything works here.” “Oh yeah, we can look into that. I think at some point you’ll need to let her know though, so she can get it fitted properly. But that sounds like something we should look into soon. I’m sure she would appreciate it.” “Thanks, Rei. I’m getting the sense the other me was… well, probably insecure and immature in the ways I was before I met you. And she probably made some poor choices. I would like to remedy those if I can.” Francois-san doesn’t sound ashamed, but there’s a sympathetic sort of softness to her voice. A sense of responsibility, even if she herself isn’t to blame. “I did steal her life, in a way.” “That’s quite a big assumption,” I can’t help but retort. “We don’t know exactly what’s happening, but from what you said it sounds like we might be reliving our lives over and over again? Maybe something just slid in a little wrong when you got here, and your other memories will come back in time. Maybe this version of you was just dormant this whole time.” I’m rambling again. Francois-san just chuckles, and wow, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. “Thank you, Rei. You're right, as usual. It does no good to ruminate on conjectures with no information. Still, I will honor my responsibilities.” “What was it like? Your… our old life?” I ask her. “Us? Early on, very chaotic and turbulent.” She laughs pleasantly. “We met at the Bauer Academy, a school for raising the brightest and most talented. I was a high-ranking, noble-born daughter of the house Francois and you were a very cheeky commoner.” The emphasis she puts on that last part causes a pleasant shiver to run down my body. “The first thing you said to me was that you loved me, and that I should bully you.” She laughs again and the room suddenly feels several degrees warmer. I said that? Oh God, what was wrong with me? It’s not like I didn’t imagine- “Rei, are you still there? Hello?” “yES.” Oh, that was too squeaky. I cough. “

4_3

I’m still here. Sorry.” “Rei…” She slowly draws out my name in a husky voice. I shiver again. “Yes…?” I hold the phone close to my ear. “Would you like it if I teased you?” Her voice is so low and smooth. I huddle up into a ball and press my face into my pillow. I feel like I am about to explode. “Yes.” The sound that comes out of my mouth is a whimper. Oh God, what am I saying? “ Good girl. ” I can hear her smile as she says it. I let out a groan and Francois-san just laughs. I might have heard Misha telling me to shut up, too. “Rei? Sorry, was that a bit much?” Yes. “No.” Francois-san hums contentedly. I love the way it sounds. God, I’m so fucked. Who am I kidding? I’ve already got it so bad for her. “Well, back to your question….” Oh, that is so unfair. “We went through a lot together, you and I. You taught me so much and saved my life when the revolution came. We became teachers at the Academy, raised two daughters and lived a good life, I would say.” “Daughters?” Oh right, she did say something about that before. Wait, how did we- “Adopted twins. May and Aleah.” The way she says their names, so softly, I can almost imagine her with them. It’s a lot harder to imagine myself, though. “I can’t see myself as a mother.” “You were wonderful, Rei. I couldn't have done it without you.” I wish I could share in her confidence. She yawns. I guess it’s been a long day hasn’t it? “It’s getting late, Francois-san. We should probably get to sleep.” “Aww,” Francois-san pouts. “I’m enjoying this so much, but you are probably right.” She yawns again. “Goodness, fine, you are right, as usual. ” “I liked this too, Francois-san. We’ll do it again soon. Oh, before we go, I wanted to tell you to make sure Achard-san shows you how the alarm on your phone works. You probably have one that will wake you up for classes.. She would know if anyone would.” “I’ll ask her. Thank you, Rei. Good night—I will see you in the morning.” “Good night,” I softly say back to her. I wait on the line until the call ends. God, I feel so restless now. I can’t help but fidget in place, rolling back and forth in my bed— “Wow, you are such a simp,” Misha’s voice comes from across the room. I freeze in place and hazard a glance in her direction. Misha is still working on her paper, eyes only occasionally glance my way. “Enjoy your call, much?” “It’s rude to eavesdrop.” “It’s hard to not hear you when you sqwee so much.” Misha states, deadpan. Wow, rude. Fine. I’ll remember this next time Yu-san is around and you get all sappy and starstruck. It’s late and I will probably have to leave quite a bit earlier to rendezvous with Francois-san tomorrow. I could go to sleep, but maybe I’ll look up prosthetic legs for a bit before I pack it in.

51_1

“I think that’s going to have to be it for tonight Claire.” Rae stretches out beside me, we have been sitting on my bed watching another video about history. That was a lot. “I should probably be getting out soon.” I think I can catch just a glimpse of a chain on her neck as she cranes her neck and reaches her arm high and tight. Please be wearing it. “I suppose.” That must sound like pouting, but I hardly want her to leave. Rae’s face scrunches, “I'll be back tomorrow.” She offers. It did sound like pouting. “I’ll be fine.” “You need anything else?” “I can think of one thing.” “Oh?” “Yes.” I grab her by her collar and pull her close, she is surprised initially but grins as I pull our faces close. Not even an inch apart I say, “I want a goodnight kiss.” Her eyes twinkle, and her grin grows, “I might be able to help with that. Maybe .” “Shut up and kiss me you rube.” I push forward and close my lips on hers before she can say anything else silly. Not that I don’t appreciate her wit, but those lips should be kissing me. She quickly falls in step and we move in tandem. I start to pull myself on top of her, resting on her lap and I deepen the kiss more. My tongue seeks out hers and we moan. My hands aren’t idle, and I run them up her body causing her to shiver. With a bit of clarity I run a hand over the back of her nape, searching… yes the chain. She’s wearing it. Perfect. Goodness, that makes me feel giddy. “Ten seconds is the limit while I’m in the room you horn dogs.” Catherine’s voice calls out from across the room. I can't see her, she must be laying on the sofa. Right . Rae breaks away, and looks embarrassed. It was getting good too . “Could you stay the night?” Claire! Rae looks extremely sheepish. “Sorry.” She squeaks out. “No. No I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be asking that sort of thing of you.” “No, but… it’s fine. I need to get going for real though.” She’s deflecting but I’m not going to pressure her either. And she does need to get back and attend to her own matters. Why do you keep doing this to her, Claire? “Yes, of course. Let me know when you make it back safely.” She chuckles, “Of course. I always do.” “Thank you.” We share a smile, there is a part of me that is always greedy for more. More time with her, more contact with her, more of everything. But I cherish every moment we have, without her this would be dreadful. But with her, it’s bliss. I just want to make her happy. We rise and Rae gathers her things and I help her to the door. “Okay, so I think we have one more video to get through and maybe we can like, review after that. Sounds good?” “That sounds perfect. Thank you again.” “Oh, well no problem.” She smiles like a fool. My fool. “Good night Rae.” “Good night Claire.” She stands there awkwardly before the door, and her face scrunches as she contemplates her next action. Without much warning, she darts in and gives me a kiss on the lips. It’s quick and she retreats back, her face is equal parts surprised and pleased. “GOODNIGHTCLAIRE.” She forces out through a cracking voice, and then practically throws herself out the door. I barely have time to register the action and the door falls back shut. “Your wife is a Dork .” Catherine comments from the sofa, still hidden from sight, as usual. “Yes, she is lovely.” “So how’s eastern history treating you?” “Fascinating, complicated. A lot.” “I bet, I’m glad Rae is doing it cause I could not.” “You have done a good job with western history so far I believe.” “Ah, credit to videos more than me, I’d be lost without those honestly. Anyways, fun stuff, we get to do the french revolution next week.” “Oh…” “Yah, it’s much bloodier than yours was. I… guess good job on that?” “Yes, well Rae set so much in motion. Without her, I would probably be dead.” “Yeah… anyways, it’s been what? Like almost two months now?” She asks, it sounds as if she is focusing more on the conversation now. “I believe so, it’s odd how much has become routine now. I wasn’t expecting to… well acclimate so quickly?” “You’ve done a pretty good job I’d say.” “There's still a lot to go over.” “Yeah, but we have time, and the important thing for now is to make sure you don’t flunk your course.” “I did get an A minus on the last test we had.” Almost perfect . Catherine gives me a thumbs up and sits up. “Great, smooth sailing so far. Man I thought more things would go wrong after Melia found out but so far no one else has clued in on it and you are learning everything you need.” Except for Pepi. “Why are you making that face?” Her eyes narrow. “What face?” “Come on Claire, what did you do?” She's not let this go. “NothiNG” She does not look pleased. Fine. “I told Pepi.” Her face scrunches. “Why?” “She figured out that I didn’t remember things. I had to tell her something.” Catherine sighs. “When did you tell her?” “A few days ago.” “And the fact that I haven’t heard about it till now… is good?” “I think so, like I said, she had divined I didn’t remember our shared past. The question of how we met came up and Loretta really didn’t think too hard of it, but Pepi knew in the moment that something was wrong. And I had to explain, she’s still internalizing everything it means, but I think she took it well. I’m not too worried about it. We talked more since then, I think it’s made the fact I changed so much more palatable.” Catherine starts to relax. “So… you’re not worried.” “I wouldn't have told her if I didn’t trust her.” “Okay… well, she is your friend.” “And I knew her nearly our whole life.” Catherine nods, “That’s still a really weird thing to think about. Have you heard anything from Melia yet about… y’know, anything?” “Not much, we have had a few messages and we are planning to get together but… Mother is really busy. Sometimes it takes her a while to respond.” Catherine nods her head, “Yeah, Melia deals with a lot, honestly I can’t even imagine what she has to deal with. Francois is a lot to deal with.” “The business?” “Yah.” “What… is it exactly?” Catherine makes a face, her brow goes high and eyes wide, “God, like I don’t really know how to condense that. It’s a luxury brand, I think way back it was stuff like clothes and fashion but in modern age it branched out more. It’s been your family's for a long time with your dad, but now your mom runs it cause… well you know . Anyways your mom’s been trying to reform it… like it’s got roots… god this is complicated, a lot of colonization stuff. She could explain it better than me, I’m sure she would like to tell you.” “We have much to catch up on. So it grew on exploitation?” It hasn't been surprising to learn of all the unsavory bits of history. Nor our part in it. “Yeah, I think your mom’s done a lot to be accountable, it’s been a long project that she started with your dad.” “I think she always brought out the best in him, even when she was gone.” “What… what was he like?” It's a delicate question. “Very principled, he said Mother revealed the faults of nobility, and he couldn’t abide by it any longer. He worked for a long time to reform our country too. He did a lot to stoke rebellion from behind the scenes, and after our revolution he helped reform the country so all people were equal under the law. He had a soft side too, he was always quick to spoil me, and then our girls.” I can’t help but smile, “He was very good at picking out the right person. He trusted Rae, and I will always be thankful we were all a family together.” “Don’t get too sappy on me, kay?” Catherine smirks and leans over the back of the sofa. “Fine. How have you been? I hope we haven’t been too much to deal with.” “It’s fine, as long as I don’t have to watch you to make out. Seriously, I mean it, please don’t do it with me in the room.” I know, she's always been averse to those sorts of… tendencies. It's hard to stop myself though. “I have self control… it's just sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the moment.” “ Sure .” “You can’t be upset that I want to kiss my own wife?” “You can kiss, it’s when you start trading saliva and are trying to eat her that I draw the line. Seriously, you're so thirsty.” Her brow arches. “I can control myself.” “ Sure. ” I don’t need this. A little laugh escapes me. “Fine. I’m going to do some more reading for fun.” “Oh… didn’t

51_2

you finish that manga… dungeon something?” “Dungeon Meshi. And Yes. You should read my copy.” Her face goes flat. “...No” “Your loss.” “What are you reading now?” I find the book and pluck the first entry. “Pray Love, or more accurately, ‘Between Prayer and Love’, Rae just always called it Pray Love.” “Okay…?” She raises her brow again, “Why are you reading that?” “Rae likes it, and if I read it I can read the stories she wrote herself based on it… her fan fiction.” “You’re going to read your girlfriend's fics?” She's barely holding a smirk back. “Of course.” “I’m surprised she shared those with you.” “Well…” “ Claire …” She extends her hand, palm face up and open. “She told me all about them in our other life. I already know a lot about them.” “How did you even find them?” “Her friend Shiko sent me the address to the internet pages she published them on. And her Tumblr .” Catherine snorts through her nose, “Oh god did you go through her tumblr?” “I tried… it’s confusing. Even by Rae’s standards. I don’t understand so much of what I’m reading. There is so much slang and abbreviations, and it has a lot of her chaotic energy. I do adore it.” “Did you make a tumblr account?” “Oh… I could do that couldn’t I? I was just looking at hers. I think she has been using it less as of late. If I’m understanding the dates correctly. I think I found an entry about me before we talked.” This feels like such a delightful secret to share. Catherine does not share in my enthusiasm. “Do I even want to know?” “Give me a moment, I can find it.” I grab my phone and quickly trace me back through the page. Thankfully it’s not far in. I clear my throat. “ Have you ever seen a girl, and just been like wow. She could kill me and that would be fu-... hot. Like she could hit me and I would say please, you missed a spot. God she’s so unreal when she walks around and radiates such a… sorry that is another curse, around energy and find out, but like I bet, no I know that she needs someone to love her. I could make her happy if I wasn’t chicken sh- ugh, but chances are she would make me worse. I would die happy either way . And then there are a few addition notes below, each with a pound sign- “Hashtag.” “Right, well I’m still learning. Anyways, Hashtag , It’s never going to happen. it could happen though. I would die if she talked to me honestly. She was too pretty. I have no chance. I would be happy to just be her footstool. God I wish I could actually talk to her though. I’m just going to simp in the shadows. My tsundere queen. ” “Huh… wow. That’s… embarrassing .” “It’s cute .” “Look I know you’re real down for whatever it is that Rae is… but… I think you should ask her before you really go looking through that sort of stuff. Like she doesn't know right?” She almost sounds disappointed. “...No.” “It’s like you are reading through her diary.” “I… but isn’t this available for anyone to see?” “Yes, but it’s not like someone could figure out who she is right? It’s anonymous. She doesn't want people to know it’s her right?” “Her tumblr name is ‘bad woman make brain go brr’.” “ Wow .” Catherine! “It’s adorable .” “God you are just as stupid as her, Whatever. I’m not trying to judge her, really. But I really don’t think she would be happy about you reading all this.” She’s not wrong. That does sit uneasy in my stomach. It has felt like a diary in some parts, and I would have dreaded it if Rae read mine before I was ready to share. “No… you’re right. I got caught up in the idea. And when Shiko shared it before… I didn’t think.” “I mean you don’t know how a lot of things are right? Like just ask her, and don’t look more till then?” “Yes you're right about that, I’ll hold off. It’s not like I lack for other things to do either. And I do want to read Pray Love, it was the impetus for all this in the first place. And maybe Rae will be more willing after that. I really do want to read her writing. But she seems scared to share it.” “Yah… well I don’t know what to tell you.” “I just… it would be too much. It’s hard to… pace myself with her.” “I noticed… you really do like her.” “Of course.” “Yah, I just… I’ve never seen you like this.” “I wish I could have… well whatever it was, sooner.” “It’s not your fault… and it’s fine, honestly. Maybe all it took was you seeing her again. This is good, I like how things are now. You’re happy and it’s not tense anymore. I don’t feel like I’m on edge anymore around you.” “I’m sorry that it was like that.” Catherine waves a hand to dismiss the need for my apology. “Please, it’s not really your fault. Anyways I just want whatever this freaky little romance you are wrapped in is, I want it to work out for both of you. And Rae’s not always on the same page as you.” “I wish she would talk to me more.” “Sure, but you've known her for years, right? Decades. She’s known you for just two months now.” She’s right. “You’re right. I can’t believe you are still giving me advice on how to deal with Rae.” “Still?” “Yes.” A little chuckle escapes, “Goodness, when our positions were switched, she was so much to deal with. She had no qualms yelling how much she loved me in front of everyone and everything. I didn’t know what to make of it, and I’m glad I had at least you to talk to about it.” “I’m glad you’re here Claire.” “Me too.” I lean down to the sofa and give her a hug. She feels a bit stiff. A tenuous tap on my back, “That’s all you're getting.” “I know, that’s fine. I’m going to get ready for bed.” I let her go and despite her awkwardness she looks content with a small smile. “Sure, I’ma going do the same.” I quickly change into night attire, brush my teeth and soon I am in bed. A soft buzz from my phone, it’s Rae. I have traversed the treacherous evening and returned home safely. Lol Huh That’s not a full sentence, and that’s a abbreviation? Acronym I wanted to try it out. Laugh out loud, correct? Yes… are you really Claire? Lol Catherine? Did you steal her phone? It's me you goof. Surely it’s not that odd that I want to try to adjust my vernacular? When in Rome, right? I said that correctly, right? Lmao, yah you got it. Good pull. Of course, this is me we are talking about. :) For wat its worth i like the way you text. It feels very you Thank you dear, I care more about not standing out too much around others more than anything else. Catherine does say that I text like an old lady. It’s totes adorbs Thank you, don’t worry. I doubt I will be able to completely shift my habits when it comes to writing. I do have my standards. I do have a slight confession. That sounds maybe a little ominous Not really Okay maybe a little Ummm Did I so something? I can fix thi what id I do? Please wait Sry Thank you, sorry. I should have finished my thought before sending that last message, I’m still much slower at this than you. I wanted to say I picked up more reading material aside from Dungeon Meshi. And since I finished Dungeon Meshi last week I wanted to start it up. I got the first two novels for Pray Love. There is a pause, did she walk away…? No she wouldn't. She’s thinking too much about this. I can feel it. Rei, is that okay? yes sryy totally why? Because I wanted to read it too. You said it was a favorite of yours. umm yah Is it okay If I read it? I can’t tell you not to read it However? sry this I wasn’t expecting this like it caught me offguard. Yes read it Are you certain? yes, umm, let me know what you think. And like it’s not really the best thing in the world. like I don’t mean don’t read it just like it is it’s okay I probably made it sound way better than it was You actually complained about it a fair bit. That was your main impetus for why you wrote your prose for it. Oh I yah that kinda tracks I really enjoyed reading Dungeon Meshi and talking to you about it. And even if I don’t like this; which I doubt will be the case, but even if so I still would want to talk to you about it. Okay? Yes im like 2 parts really excited and 1 part really nervous I hope you like it claire I have a feel

51_3

ing I will enjoy it, you never steered me wrong with reading suggestions before. <3 Good night Rei. night Claire With that I settle into bed and crack open the book. I can’t believe I can finally read this, after everything Rae has told me about it, about her personal fictions based on it. Her first one exploring a different conclusion, Praying for a Better Ending. Her delicious one, Lady Shouko’s Lover . I still remember the first night we tried out those fantasies. She looks so delectable in a collar and nothing else. Writhing as I press into her, twisting and squirming. Equal parts pain and delight. And this time I can be the one to walk her through it. How tantalizing. It starts off simple enough, the main protagonist has been accepted into a prestigious catholic school, a religion remarkably similar to the Spirit Church from Bauer. The protagonist is a devout follower but quickly her faith and preconceptions come into question as she realizes she has feelings for her upperclassman, Lady Shouku. Romantic feelings. Those feelings and faith are like water and oil. I read through the first few chapters, the prose is a bit dry if I am being honest but the characters are excellent. I can see bits of Rae in the main character, she’s enthusiastic like her, and at the same time has trouble being honest. She struggles with what she wants and what she thinks she should do. A very familiar problem, and one I haven’t avoided either. Lady Shouko is almost exactly like I envisioned her, and then nothing like it. She is cool, detached, distant and seems cruel so far. I expect there is more to her, just given on what Rae has told me, and she feels so familiar. The duty of station and family weighs heavily on her it seems, it’s hard not to see elements of my younger self in her. She is cruel to the protagonist initially, but somehow that only seems to draw her in more. The first cracks on Shouko’s visage chip away at a tea party. Every girl was to bring their own desert, and the protagonist made crème brûlée. Oh goodness I miss her crème brûlée. The chapter ends with them talking, the first few sparks of a budding romance bounce between them. It’s delightfully cute. But now I’m left with a deep craving for crème brûlée. Rae said she doesn’t have the ingredients to make it. I could remedy that, couldn't I? I could. I can . It doesn't take much to fetch my phone. Lene, apologies for messaging so late, but would you be able to gather everything I would need to make crème brûlée from scratch for myself. All the ingredients and tools we would need, aside from the oven. No rush is required. I would greatly appreciate it, and let me know whenever it is convenient for yourself. Thank you. The message is sent and already the anticipation is building. This has always been her favorite confection to make, she always cooks to wind down and she really could use it lately. To zen out , as she used to say. She needs it… and I won't lie, I really miss her treats. Oh, this will be delicious .

37_1

Mother believes me. Or she at least believes that I’m not lying. I think. Gracious, why did it have to happen right now… “So…” It’s Manaria, I… what is she doing here? “Ravaging?” Oh fantastic… She heard that too. She has her usual smile, mischievous. This feels like the first time it's been directed at me … Rae might have had a point about her… “Yes. She is my wi-girlfriend.” “Reeeeally…? Well she is pretty cute. “She rubs her chin as she looks at the door… “She’s mine.” The curt declaration causes her to laugh, “Ohhhh? Well, university has certainly been treating you well.” “I suppose it has… how long has it been Manaria, since we talked?” “Hrmmm, I don’t know a few years, but I’m not surprised you don’t remember. You never seemed like you were paying attention before.” She finishes the statement by observing her nails, I don't like being on this end of it. “Well, like you said. University has been good to me.” I don’t need to make this more of a mess than it already is by letting something slip around her too. “I’ll say, all it took was you getting the stick out of your ass and start kissing girls.” She laughs. She’s not wrong. Just one girl though . “So how’d that happen? Hmmm?” “I told her I love her, and then we started dating.” “That’s it?” “Yes.” “Come now Claire, where’s the fun in that?” I can’t help but sigh. “Manaria, please… I wasn’t expecting any of this, can I just tell you later. What are you even doing here? I thought… Mother was away… and then she shows up with you in tow.” “Fair, Fair. Well If you must know I might have been in a similar predicament, I was caught ravaging poor defenseless ladies and then your Mother allowed me tag along to avoid the paparazzi.” She makes a mocking performance of putting her hand to her head, like a fainting lady in waiting. Pa-pa-what? Hmm, I suppose this must be similar to the scandal she went through before coming to the academy. “You don’t seem surprised.” She comments. “I don’t think it’s anything to make a fuss over.” She smirks, “I suppose not, not when you are also ravaging poor defenseless girls.” “I… I’m not taking advantage of her.” She raises her brow. “I didn't mean to say you were either.” “Hmm, and how would you know that?” I know that tone, she is being cruel to herself. “Do you think you were?” “Who's to say?” There she goes, deflecting… “Manaria, I really don’t have the patience to play-” I am interrupted as the door swings open. Mother is there, she looks… tired. “Manaria, I’m sorry but I need to talk some more with Claire, and I expect it will take a… while. Can you go down and have Lene take you back to the apartment?” “Oh, trying to get rid of me already?” Mother sighs, “Manaria, that's not the case. Something came up… that is complicated and I need to sort through this now. I’m sorry it worked out this way and I didn’t want to send you home alone. It seems none of us were expecting all these surprises this morning.” Manaria drops the aloofness finally, she looks curious enough to ask but must decide it's not worth it. “Well I suppose a choice between that and standing out here alone is not much of a choice. I’ll see you later.” “Let Lene know I will contact her when I know I am ready for her.” “Will do.” “Oh, Manaria, sorry if I came off…. Curt. I missed you, we should catch up while you're here.” She looks a little surprised, then smiles, “Don't worry about it. I was being a bit of a shit. Of course. I need someone to show me around Tokyo after.” Oh… well that’s a problem for another day. “Thank you.” “Good, see you later than Manaria, again sorry, please let Lene know if you need anything in the meantime.” Manaria makes a show of a mock bow and then goes down the hall to the elevator. “Please Claire, we have… much to discuss.” Mother motions me back into the room. This feels ominous, does she not believe me? Does she think me a liar? Or worse, does she believe me and want to get rid of me now that I’m not her daughter. Rae and Catherine are sitting on the sofa and both look nervous, at least Rae tries to smile. The door closes and Mother guides me to sit down. “So I understand you have a lack of… an education then?” “Well technically I do, it’s just from a different world.” I’m not uneducated . “And that would mean?” “Her history and general know-how with technology is not there.” Catherine replies. Rae follows up, “Yah but she is still good for all the Math, and she’s better at writing than I am.” “And how has that affected your ability to continue your classes?” “She’s still-” “Oohashi, I am asking my daughter.” Rae shrinks, “It’s fine Rae, It’s been a challenge. For me it’s been a while since I was taking courses myself, but I was a teacher and professor for many years. Rae has been an excellent tutor and has been very diligent in helping me relearn, or well… learn.” “She passed her first test.” Rae chimes in. Mother raises her brow at Rae's second interruption, but makes no further comment at her. “We could hire tutors, you could postpone your education till we-” “I can do this.” “Are you sure ? You don’t know what you don’t know. It’s one thing to cram and pass a test and it’s an entirely another thing to have no context of everything around you. You don’t know technology ?” “Rae has been showing me how to use my phone and-” “Claire, it's much more complicated than using a single device. This world is powered by technology. This world is connected by technology. I can make a decision that could make headlines across the whole world. If I make a comment the whole world could hear about it in seconds. The scandal that Manaria embroiled herself is plastered all over the world even though it should have been a private matter. We came here to Japan to create some privacy for you girls to grow up in but you will be adults soon. What happens next? What will you do when you graduate? What will you do when someone expects an opinion from you? A political one? A social one? Even a simple question about a film. Do you know what the Titanic is? The Roman Empire? The moon landing? The Milky Way? What an atom is?” “I, I…” I have no answers. This is how I'm going to lose it. “Francois-sama, She isn’t a child. And She is incredibly clever!” Rae stand ups. “Clever or not this can’t be ignored!” “I know! We know! But you have to give her a chance to try. You are acting like everyone has perfect knowledge of everything but I had kids in my school who didn’t know what fucking Hiroshima was!” Rae is breathing heavily, a shaky breath she collects herself and continues. “Give her a chance to learn before deciding she can’t do it her way. She can do it! She is smart and aware. She is kind and deeply empathic. She understood Misaki, she knew what that meant. I didn’t tell her anything but she knows. She understands her privilege, your daughter is incredible, you just have to give her a chance to prove it!” Rae’s strong proclamation leaves me feeling fragile, she is always coming to my rescue, she has always been the fist to champion me. “...Rae…” Mother sighs, and looks like she is about to collapse into the sofa. “And you think the best way is that she stays here, keeps doing this?” “I do…” I answer this time. “It has been difficult but I know I can do it. I won't be bested.” And I won't leave my friends and family here. I won't leave Rae. Mother looks surprised, and her eyes get watery, she has to give them a wipe. “What’s wrong? I can do this Mother.” “It’s just… you remind me so much of when you were just a child, before the accident. So ready to take on the world…” She has to wipe her eyes again. “Mother…” I… I move to her and give her a hug again. Every embrace is so precious to me. “Oh my Claire…” She places a hand on my cheek, this is how I must have looked when I looked at May or Aleah… “You were hurting for so long…” “I’m sorry-” “Sshh, there is nothing to be sorry about.” “I… do think she can do it, Francois-sama. She is working very hard already.” “And you will help her?” “Yes, whatever she needs I will help her with. But even without me I think she could do it.” Don't say that Rae. “I’m helping too.” Catherine throws in, “Claire is working very hard, and we have been walking her through all the basics and are working up.” “You said you did a test already Claire?” “Yes… I got just under seventy percent…” If I got higher maybe this would be easier- “Okay… Fine. We will see how this goes. But I ne

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ed to know how things are going. We won't rush into something more drastic such as taking you out of classes for private tutelage but when this first semester ends I want you to take an exam. Something that would amount to highschool education. I want you to have a grasp of the sciences, math, literature, history…” She sighs, “And I want to be kept in the loop with your current grades. This isn’t going to work if they dip too low.” “I… Thank you Mother.” I grab Rae in joy. Mother doesn’t elate though. “This will be very difficult.” “I’m aware. I’m not a child. I can do this.” “Please tell me if it is too much, it’s fine if it is.” She says. She is still worried. I nod, it won’t. I can do this. I am Claire Francois. I saved the world with Rae by my side. I can do this with her by my side. We can do anything together. “Girls, it's been a long day…” Mother slumps into the sofa, “We just arrived this morning and the flight was very long. This was the last thing I expected when I heard you were acting odd from Lene, or that you finally got a new leg Catherine.” She laughs softly. “Uhh… thank you for the leg again,” Catherine says softly. “Catherine, you are family, I could do no less.” Catherine looks a bit taken off guard, but smiles. I send her a smile as well. And I find Rae’s hand. Mother said yes. She said yes. “Are you girls hungry? It seems neither of you got far into your day. What’s open at this time? I don’t feel much like sitting down, but take-out would be nice. Even if it’s greasy.” “Oh, most places don’t open till eleven but I think there are some breakfast places… are you feeling picky?” Catherine answers. “Something with Western options is preferable, I don’t want to think too much.” “Yah, sure, umm, give me a sec…” Catherine gets up and starts to go over choices with Mother with her phone. “Thank you Rae.” I say once we have a degree of privacy. “Oh I didn’t do that much Claire-chan.” Rae gets a little shy. “Shush, don’t be modest, just accept it.” I tease her. “Oh, well thanks. I do think you would be able to get by without me.” That’s nonsense, besides… “Where’s the fun in that?” “Yeah…” She doesn't really want that either. I can’t help but grin, “We will be busy won’t we?” “Oh, yah, for real. Prepping for that exam is not going to be easy. We won’t have a ton of time.” “Yes, especially with all the ravaging I need to do.” She reacts just as I expect, “Claire!” “Oh..?” “Your mom is right there.” She shouts a whisper at me. “And she interrupted us.” I can’t help but pout, it’s very effective against Rae. She whines, “But we have to be serious.” I suppose, I’m just trying to calm myself down after everything. “Of course. But I’ll need you to help recharge, with that I can take on even a demon, three even.” I can feel the cheeky smirk on my face. “I don’t doubt you,” she laughs. “Claire, is there anything you would want?” Mother's voice comes from across the room. “Anything is fine.” “And you Oohashi-san?” “Huh?” “What would you like?” “Ah what do you mean? You don’t have-” “Nonsense, both of you come and look at the menu, you too Claire.” Rae is trying to be too polite, “But-” “Come on Rae, please?” Her resistance dissolves as I ask her, breaking down into a soft smile. “Okay … Sure.” “Sick, leftovers.” Catherine is right. Mother ordered a lot of food, even with four of us. Even after serving out the first round, I can’t imagine finishing it with another sitting. It was good, and a bit of everything. Mother seems to not have had a proper meal in a while. “Mother?” “Hmm?” “Where were you? Before you came… you said… flew?” She can’t have meant literally… right? “Yes, it’s the fastest way to get to Paris and back… have you two not told not explained planes?” “There has been so much…uh, Melia.” Catherine looks a little sheepish. “Yah, we were going to build up to it, we started small with cars and trains, and we can see those easily around here too.” “Wait, you actually flew? You were flying?” Rae looks apologetic, “Yah, we were going to get there-” “How?” “Oh well.” She gets an intense look as the gears in her head wind up, “Okay, you know that some animals fly right?” “Birds? Yes, we had birds, we saw birds at the zoo. Come now Rae I'm not so removed from this world.” She looks a little sheepish, “Right, so, birds fly by creating lift with their wings, they are pretty light creatures so it’s easy for them to push themselves up from the surface area of their wings, and once in the air those wings keep them aloft, they can ride air currents… err wind and such. We haven’t got to the deep physics yet but air is made up of stuff, gasses, and most things can sorta turn into gas with enough heat, that’s not the point, but rather that air is made up of stuff and it’s that mass that birds are using to push against. If there was literally nothing there, they wouldn’t be able to fly, so like in a vacuum.” “Okay… so you mimic that?” “Well yes, and no. We have some machines that mimic it more closely, but the main vehicle we use for flying is called a plane. Here, give me a sec.” She pulls out her phone, types away for a second and turns the screen showing me an image of something that looks long, sleek and a pair…. of wings? “This is a plane, you mom probably rode in something like this, it’s big, and heavy. So birds are light. This isn’t and it requires a lot of power. Force specifically. It creates this push with,” she points to small cylinders on the wings, “with these, they are called jets, they create a lot of force, like a lot a lot of force. They push the plane forward and with that speed the wings can pick up enough resistance against the air that they stay afloat, or fly. It also makes them really fast. If you had to travel by car it would take you weeks or more to make the trip your mom made, umm how long was your flight Francois-sama?” Mother has been listening to Rae, I hope she is impressed with her general knowledge. “Please, just Melia is fine, or Melia-san if you must, our flight was 18 hours, exhausting, but she is right, it would probably take the better part of a month by car and that would be miserable to say the least. Would you prefer Rae or Oohashi?” “Oh, umm just Oohashi-san, umm… Melia-san” “Of course, Thank you. You will get a chance to ride by plane too Claire.” “Oh.” I can fly ? “Oohashsi-san, I just want to say, despite the circumstances of the situation It has been nice to meet you. I wasn’t expecting Claire to have a… partner… let alone them being a girl. I hope I haven’t scared you off. It’s obvious how much Claire cares about you.” Rae gulps, “Oh… um yah, thank you.. I, um yah I really… like her… too. I um… Mother Laughs, does she like Rae? Oh thank goodness, “That’s good, If I am to understand correctly you are the reason for my daughter awakening .” Rae blushes, “I… I guess. It’s not like I did anything…” “Shush, you've done so much.” I chide Rae, “You saved me, I wouldn’t be here without you.” Rae looks a bit overwhelmed and opts to eat more food instead of responding. “So Oohashi-san, you also go to the same university then?” She swallows, “Uh, yah, Claire-san and I have several of the same classes-” “Not all,” we really should. It would make everything more pleasant. “Uh, yah, not all the same but just a few different ones, the overlap is big thankfully, for Claire I mean. Not me. I mean I like having classes with her I-” Mother laughs a bit at Rae’s verbal stumbling, “Oohashi-san, calm down. This hasn’t been affecting your studies too much has it? How often have you been helping her?” “...Like everyday… I get my stuff done at the same time, it’s been helpful for me too I guess.” “Hmmm, so are you from here?” “Chiba.” “Ah, and you came here? Did you have an aspiration? You are also studying economics.” “Ah… we sorta?... I… well… you get a job… and do that right?” “Mother, you don’t need to worry about that, I’ll make sure she is happy.” Rae looks puzzled, “Huh?-” Mother cuts her off however, “What do you mean Claire?” “Oh…” I

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can’t just say I am trying to make sure Rae doesn’t work herself to death again right? “I just… I’m going to be here, I’ll help?” Rae has a look like she wants to say something, but doesn’t, just takes another bite of her food instead. She knows I am omitting something. “I… see.” Does mother suspect the same? “Rae is very capable, she was a genius in our past life, and a hero. She taught me so much and we lived our life together… I hope we can do that again… as long as you want to Rae…” Rae blushes and her eyes dart between me and Mother, “Claire, please don’t rush into things… you have only known each other for a few weeks.” “But I have known her for-” “ Then , and this is now, it’s different Claire… I just want what’s best for you Claire, and I don’t want either of you two to get hurt along the way. I’m happy that you are… so happy that you are here. But we don’t know exactly what is going on. It could be a coincidence, I can’t completely rule out a more mundane answer but I don’t want to lose you again Claire. You’re here, you're present for the first time in ages, you’re you again.” “Mother…” But it isn’t like that… It's not a coincidence. But I am rushing it. It hasn't even been a month for Rae. And I.. don’t want to hurt Rae. Rae does have a problem saying no to me. I… I know she wants to help me, but is doing this just for me? She is different now, I love her all the same, love getting to see this younger side of her… Love being her first… But these are all her firsts. These first should be special for her, and I shouldn't be so greedy with them. “... I understand. I have no intention of going anywhere. This is…” second does not sound right , “another chance, and I want to make the best of it.” Mother nods, “I… I’m glad to hear that Claire. And please let me know if you remember anything new. We don’t know what has happened, but whatever it is, you will always be my daughter.”

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“Must you leave already?” Claire asks, her voice sounds so small. “I’m sorry my dear, I have matters to attend to tomorrow and I need to sleep or I will fall over.” Claire looks like she wanted to object but thinks better of it, “I understand.” “Claire, we will talk again soon, don't worry.” “Mother…” Claire's eyes glisten, “Please.” Her mom moves in and gives her a hug. She has to lean just slightly, she's only a bit taller than her. Claire returns the hug, she is squeezing tightly and her mom just hums into the hug. It feels odd being here for it… but I am happy it’s gone this way. “Nothing is going to take me away Claire, I’m here for you.” Claire buries her head in her mom’s shoulder, “Thank you, thank you Mother, I don’t want to lose you again. It’s really you, it’s not a dream, it’s not a simulacrum. It’s you. It’s you…” There is a sharp inhale, and her breath wavers. “Of course Claire.” Her mom also sounds close to crying, but she stays firm. “You are always my Claire.” They remain locked in their embrace for a while, and I try my best to give them privacy, but both of them seem to be in their world either way. It’s sweet, I’m happy for them, but I do feel like an intruder here. “It’s time,” Claire’s mom finally says, and she breaks their hug. Claire sniffles, “I’m happy today… finally happened.” “I am as well Claire, even as it did. It’s for the best. We have plenty of time to catch up more later. But I do have to go, Lene is waiting, and I only have so much left in me at this point.” She beams as she looks at Claire. “There is one last thing though.” She turns and looks at me. “Oohashi-san, might I have a word before we part.” I gulp, Claire’s mom definitely has the mom tone in her voice. Claire notices and gives me a smile, I guess she isn’t too worried. I go out into the hallway with Claire’s mom, and it’s just us, Claire and Catherine still in the room. “Umm, what did you want to talk about?” She seems like she isn’t writing Claire off, but she; understandably, still has to have some worries. “Forgive me, I feel I haven’t had many chances to be a proper mom for Claire…” She sighs, “It feels like I have gone through more of the usual with Catherine, and none with Claire. I still can’t believe Claire convinced her to replace her leg finally, I have been trying to convince her for years now… anyways, this isn’t… I was worried, and I still worry, but in different ways. First, whatever Claire is going through, I have more faith in her than when we started this conversation, but I still want to keep a close eye… I still worry… but… I thought I lost one of my daughters, and she is here again…” She takes a deep breath… I… how bad was it? “Secondly, you and her are both adults… It’s not my place to make mandates on who she should or shouldn’t have a relationship with. I wasn’t expecting to… well find her and you in that state and that was the furthest thing from my mind when I… barged in. I hope… this was just another surprise, it’s an… a lot more to consider but I don’t want to be seem… in the way. Or against it.” “Ahhh… I… thank you?” “Just… I’m sorry there is…” she chuckles a little, “My first instinct is to think that it’s Claire who is new to relationships, but I suppose that isn’t the case to her is it? And it’s her I should be telling to be careful… I… how are you doing in all this? This has to be a lot for you. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate what you have done for her but just today has been a lot.” Oh god, I can’t stop the nervous laugh, “umm, yeah? God, yeah it’s been a rollercoaster, and it was bad enough when my roommate walked in on… us… before… umm…” “Dear, it’s okay. You're both adults.” “yeAh… I really just wish that wasn’t the first way you saw me though…” “I’m sorry, I should have given you more… warning… but between everything I heard from Lene, and how dodgy Catherine was acting, Mother’s instincts , I knew something was happening. Again, I’m sorry, it’s not the worst thing, I am happy that she found you.” “Thanks, I want… I want to be… to be right? I’m trying.” “Dear, there is no being right , allow yourself some grace.” Sure… but Claire needs help still, she needs to catch up, she needs to pass. Even if I'm not her , Claire needs me. “Yah, I’m just doing the best I can… It’s been a lot of work, like I said we really have been doing so much studying… me and Catherine-san have been working together to show her what she is missing and she really is picking it up fast, she really is clever. I… it catches me off guard when she mentions something obscure and it’s because I told her about it.” “What do you mean…?” “There’s a lot… it’s like she knows things that will happen. She knew I am writing a… fan story online, what it was about, and I think she knows how it ends? I’m not even finished with it, but she was… teasing me about the ending…?” “Really?” “Yah… I know… rationally… this sounds impossible, but I haven’t found a single thing to even suggest otherwise. It just makes more sense the more I am around her. It’s not just me either; Catherine-san is picking it up too, and it’s like she is already tapped into my social network. It’s not big or anything but… she was talking to my roommate, and even with her it was… surreal just how naturally she fell into conversation with her, and Misha is a bit prickly too.” “Oohashi-san… Rei… Thank you for being honest about this. I really appreciate everything, and I do trust you… I want to give you my personal number, in case an emergency happens, for whatever reason. I know you know this, but this has to stay a secret, the last thing any of us needs is for this to get out. Hopefully you won't need to reach me for emergencies, but if you need help with anything, let me know. I’m not always in the country and may be in different time zones, but this number is the best way to reach me. Very few people have it, it’s for family.” “Oh… Thank you Francois-sama-” “Melia.” She smiles. “Right… Thank you Melia-sama. Hopefully no emergencies.” “Hopefully, secondly, you have been committing a lot of time to tutoring Claire.” That’s not a question. “Yes…?” “That is a lot of your personal time, I want to reimburse you for that.” “What- No!, it’s not needed.” “I have to insist, I can’t in good conscience allow us to take advantage of you in the meantime. I would be hiring a tutor for Claire if she didn’t insist on you helping her.” “Oh… but I want to help, I would… feel weird if… I… my… girlFriend” fuck my voice cracked, “paid me for this.” “There has to be something we can agree on then. Is there something I can cover in the least, meals? I could arrange a scholarship for you?” “A scholarship?!” “Oohashi-san I run a multinational business, a scholarship is trivial.” The smirk makes that easy to believe. “That’s… that’s still a lot… can I think about it?” “I suppose… We will talk about it more later then, but please consider it. For now, here.” She pulls a card out from her purse, a credit card. “Use this in whatever way you deem appropriate, it could be for meals, it could be for a new laptop or whatever equipment you need for school. It could even be for something fun. Don’t worry what it is, just please use it.” I hesitate to take the card, it’s not a gold card like Claire’s was, but… fuck a credit card attached to Francois-sama’s account? “Please don’t stress out about it too much.” “But-” “It has a limit, you can’t be that irresponsible with it.” She teases another smirk. “Why… are… how can you trust me?” Her face shifts, something more… professional, “Several reasons, I trust my intuition, and trust me when I say this, I deal with a lot of untrustworthy people. You care for Claire, greatly. I can tell that, I could tell that before you two even had a chance to recover. You stood up for her and you were very vulnerable doing so. That wasn’t easy dear, and thank you for being honest about it. You're not doing this for your own gain, and if you were I would be doing something about it.” She closes my hand around the card, “I could take control of this, take Claire away, hire a private tutor, bring her up to speed, but she doesn’t want that. She thinks she can make this work, and I want her to succeed. I believe she can do this. But she will need help and

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for you to help her, I need to trust you too and I need to make a show of good faith. We are asking a lot out of you and only you can help her in the way you can. I’ll be here, Catherine will be here. We will always be here to help too.” Ohhh, wow it’s hard to swallow. “I want to help… I want to do this… I… I really do… I…” Love her… “She said Dole also liked you, I can see that…” She really looks so much like Claire, they smile the same way… Then she chuckles, “Perhaps I’m also just making a poor decision after an eighteen hour flight that was delayed, either way nothing is perfect we just make it work, and even in the bad we can find new things to cherish…” I… she’s talking… about the accident … isn’t she? Woah… “We'll make this work, one way or another, won't we Rei?” I have to. “Yes” “Excellent, now that that is out of the way, I’ll feel better about passing out in my bed.” She sounds happy and chuckles. “Just please help Claire and I’ll be happy. Okay?’ I can do that. Whatever Claire needs. “Okay.”

52

“No! Not yet!” “Come on… you’re so close Claire, just a little more” “Aaahh!” “Just a little more.” Claire’s stiff as a board, leaning forward and gripping the controller tightly. Yusuke and Ann are both knocked out. Morgana is out of SP, and Joker is nearly out of health. “What do I do?” She’s exasperated. I'm truly blessed. I’ve been trying to be as hands off as I can about this. I really don’t want to be microing the way she plays the game, and I've tried very hard to be subtle about all the mistakes she makes. She’s learning. She’s picking up on elemental advantages, and god she gets sooooooooooo fucking cute when she gets an all out attack off. Just little hints. Can’t outright tell her. “Is there something you haven’t used?” “Arrrrr.” God her frustration is so adorable. Then it dawns on her, she pops open her inventory stash, and scrolls through her items. She always forgets about them. She finds some food and uses it on Joker, topping her health off and then Morgana uses a snuff soul to bring his SP back up. Madarame attacks again and she survives the turn. “Yes!” She cheers while shaking the controller. God I LOVE this. She starts to relax again as she takes back control of the fight, leaning back into me and I let my arms wrap around her again. God playing video games with your girlfriend is the actual best. ….Girlfriend …woah Claire cackles, oh she beat the boss. “Did you see that Rei, that disgrace of an artist. He never stood a chance against Me !” She cackles some more and moves a hand daintily to her face, oh she is so perfect . She quiets as the plot starts to pick back up, she’s so into it . I’ve seen the scene so many times at this point, but I still feel for Yusuke here. Like how do you figure out who you are when everything gets upturned like that? And soon enough Claire finishes the day. “I did it!” Even facing away, I can feel the grin on her face. “Good job Claire. That’s two Palaces down. We should probably save and pack it in.” “ Please .” It’s Misha. Rude. But okay, she might have a point. “Yeaaaaah, I think it’s been eight hours.” I love a good gaming marathon. “What? That can’t be. I would be hungry if that was the case.” As if on cue, one of our stomachs rumbles, loudly, and I honestly can’t tell who’s it is. Probably both. I can see Claire’s ears turn red from behind. Cute . “It’s really easy to lose track of time playing games like this.” “God, you are teaching her the worst habits.” Wow , thanks for the commentary Misha. “But that would mean it’s past four?” Claire is still processing. “It’s five. ” Okay, I get it Misha. “Sorry Misha, I had no idea. I didn’t mean to overstay my welcome.” It's not that big of a deal Claire. Misha sighs, “It’s fine Claire-san. It’s not your fault.” Come on Misha, not willing to cut me some slack? “Hey if Yu was here the whole day I wouldn’t give you hell for it.” “Yes you would you fucking liar.” Misha sighs and pinches her nose, okay… yes… “Look, I’m just trying to be civil about boundaries here Rei. The roommate agreement was we would give each other space right? And there ain't that much here.” She's right… “Aaaah…. Okay fine. Right… Sorry.” “It’s okay, just this was my limit. I need some quiet now.” At least Misha doesn't seem upset. She's better at letting me know than I am. “We understand, I should have not let myself get so absorbed in it.” It's cool Claire, don't worry. “It happens Claire-san, and trust me, compared to your gremlin girlfriend this is nothing. She’s pulled twenty-four hour plus marathons before.” Why you gotta say it like that Misha? “REI!” Claire immediately turns and looks at me, she's somewhere between worried and concerned. Huh? “What?” “That’s absurd, you’re going to collapse doing something like that!” “What? It’s fine, really. I can totally do it.” I have. A bunch. “It’s not fine. You’re going to….” the words die in her throat... “Rei, please don’t push yourself like that.” She sounds like actually upset…? I'm… not measuring up am I? “It’s just gaming though.” What's the big deal? She looks terrified that I said that. “You need to eat properly, you need to sleep and rest. I… I don’t want anything to happen to you. Please take care of yourself.” There is something she isn’t saying there, again . What? Probably not a problem with Rae . “Well sorry I’m this way.” Fuck I hate it the minute it comes out of my mouth. The way Claire looks at me… fuck I have no idea what she is thinking. She looks upset with me. I sounded the fucking worst. Fix it. “Rei-” “I’m sorry!” We both pause from our mutual interruption. Claire is waiting. “I’m sorry, that was… I know…” “Rei, I just want you to take care of yourself, okay? Look I’m not saying it’s not fine in moderation, or even that today was over doing it. Heavens, there were some days we would hardly leave the bed.” Fuuuuuu … “I really don’t want to hear about this.” This is the closest to a whine I have heard from Misha, like ever. “Apologies Misha, and Rei, I only… an entire day can really wear you down.” “Yeah… you’re not… I know.” I need to be better… She puts a hand to the side of my face, cupping my cheek gently, ahhh. She smiles softly for a moment and then it turns just a bit devious. “If anything is going to wear you out, it’s going to be me. ” Holy Shit “Please take your flirting outside.” Misha groans from her bed. Claire looks a little embarrassed, but she doesn’t remove her hand. “Fine, yes. Rei?” “Yah?” Grrrwwl! Okay, that was my stomach for sure this time. Claire laughs, “I was going to ask if you wanted to get something to eat before I return home.” “Oh… yah. Misha?” I should ask her too, right? Okay, that stare definitely says ‘ get the fuck out already’ .

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“Okay so, you know how we showed you videos, right?” Rae breaks into an explanation as we cross between campus buildings. She had mentioned anime in passing and I was curious, so I asked for more details. People keep referring to it around me for some reason. “Yes, so it’s like that?” Photos are already one of the more impressive things I’ve seen. Videos are on an entirely different level. The technology here is so advanced that it feels like magic to me a lot of the time. “Sort of, yeah. So, what we’ve shown you so far was mostly just recordings with maybe a few extra edits thrown in. Oh right, you don’t know what those are either. Ummm, to keep it very simple, edits are kinda like when a painter touches up a painting after it’s made, only with photos or videos. So then anime, which is short for animation, is like doing that without the photo part, or recording a video because it’s all hand drawn, or something like that. That’s a really oversimplified explanation but let's start small.” Rae takes a quickie breath. “Anime is animation from Japan, which was actually inspired by early western animation, and then it took on a life of its own and now it’s an entertainment genre in its own right. Well, there are actually lots of genres in anime. It’s often treated like a single genre but that's really reductive; it's like calling theater a genre. You had theater in your world, right?” She is talking so quickly, but she obviously cares about the topic and is very happy and eager to share. Adorable. Rae had tried to explain some of these things before in our old life, but the context of seeing some of these things in person is helping me understand them far better. And if Rae wants to ‘ infodump, ’ as she calls it, I am very happy to oblige her. “Yes, we had theater, and I can understand how it would seem strange to consider it a genre in and of itself. After all, there are comedies, dramas and tragedies and so on.” “Yes, exactly, anime is the same! So anime has a lot of works—it’s been around for over half a century and in the last couple of decades the amount of published works have increased a lot. Not all of it is good by any stretch of the imagination but there is good stuff there if you are interested. We should watch some together sometime! Not just anime but movies and other shows too. There’s far more out there than just the educational stuff we showed you when we were trying to ground you in the basics.” “It looked like there was a lot to see on that ‘you tube’ too.” I had noticed what looked like dozens of other videos on the side of the screen when Rae was showing a few to me earlier. “Oh, yeah, there are a ton of videos on YouTube, but let's be careful— that’s a whole other can of worms. Remember what I said about the internet?” “It’s full of lies?” Is that what she is referring to? “Yes,” Rae sighs, looking extremely disappointed, though not at me specifically. She always looks like this when the internet lies comes up. “There are a lot of people spreading misinformation online and you don’t have anywhere near enough context to know what’s true and what’s not.” “Yes…” I wish I could say I am surprised, but Rae mentioned things like this back in our past life too. “YouTube can be really bad with that and it can be hard to tell the good videos from the bad ones even when you have lots of experience.” “Shouldn't lying like that be…I don’t know, subject to punishment?” “Wouldn’t that be nice? But the question of who gets to determine what content is good and bad is a tricky one. For a long time being gay was considered… well abnormal and unhealthy. Back then it would have been considered lying to say it was okay…” “Violence by numbers, then.” I murmur to myself. “What was that?” Rae asks. “Oh, it was something you once said to me. I’ll just rely on your and Catherine-chan’s guidance for now when it comes to things on the internet.” “There are a lot of cute animal videos if you want a safe place to—” “Francois-sama.” Rae is interrupted by a smooth voice. We both turn, and it’s a young Thane Bauer. I had forgotten he used to wear his hair long. Rae looks annoyed to have been interrupted. I try to send her a sympathetic look. “Just a moment R—Oohashi-san. Hello Bauer-san, how can I help you?” Thane looks slightly nonplussed. Perhaps he was expecting a different reaction. “Oh, well, I just want to respond to you from the other night in person, now that you are not so…inebriated.” Oh no, what did the other me say to him? He is trying so hard to be polite. “I apologize, but I must politely decline, Francois-sama.” Oh thank goodness, that makes this much easier. “Thank you, Bauer-san, you have nothing to apologize for. If anything I wanted to apologize if the way I acted has made you uncomfortable.” Thane’s confusion returns. “Francois-sama…Just so we’re clear, I’m turning you down. You’re a lovely woman but I have no interest in a romantic relationship with you.” Oh, he thinks I misunderstood. I know young Claire would want to kill me for this, but she didn’t know Rae yet. “No, I understand. It's fine. If anything, I had hoped to apologize to you first and let you know that I had no intention of…well, doing whatever I suggested we do before. I’m afraid it was the alcohol talking, as embarrassing as that is to admit. I hope we can be friends despite how I may have acted.” I give Thane a courteous bow. He scrutinizes me, as if he is unconvinced it is not an act. Oh, the things I would tell the other Claire if I could. “Bauer-san, I assure you I have no further intent of acting like I once did. If I may be honest, I have found someone I care for deeply and only now do I realize that I have been trying to force something that wasn’t meant to be.” It's as close to the truth as I can make it. I steal a glance at Rae, who has been forced to observe this conversation. I give her a smile. “What are you doing?” she says, so hushed that I don’t really hear it so much as see her lips form the words. She blushes slightly. Thane coughs. “I see…well, Francois-san, I am glad this came to an amenable conclusion and wish you well.” He takes a look at Rae, who blushes even deeper, and then turns back to me. “I hope you two enjoy each—” He coughs, “I mean, your day.” He walks away stiffly, a faint blush on his face. It takes an effort to not laugh. Once he is out of sight, Rae moans, “Francois-san! He totally thinks something is going on between us now!” “I wasn’t the one who blushed and gave it away.” I can’t be blamed if she blushes at everything now. “This isn’t funny, Francois-san!” She seems a bit upset, and more than a bit embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make things difficult for you. Bauer-san is courteous, though, and would never say anything about it to anyone else. Unfortunately I am a poor liar so it would be worse if I tried to lie. I need a bit of truth to work with if I want people to believe what I am saying.” Rae pouts. “Rumors are going to start, Francois-san… People are going to hear about you turning him down. Well, not turning him down exactly, but losing interest all of a sudden. And if you keep telling everyone it’s because you…ummm…” She swallows hard as she struggles to say it. “That I am in love with someone?” I can’t keep the playfulness out of my tone. She turns away, blushing and waving her hand in the air as though trying to use it to help articulate words. “Right…people are going to talk. And you have been spending a lot of time with me…” “Do you not want to spend time with me?” The question just pops out, and it feels wrong the second it leaves my mouth. It’s just going to make her feel guilty. I wish I hadn’t asked it like that, but the idea of avoiding her, or of her avoiding me, is simply unbearable. “No!” she squeaks. “I mean I do, I like spending time with you…it’s just…” “You don’t want everyone else to know.” She nods. She looks almost ashamed of herself, but she shouldn’t. I want to hold her, but that would draw too much attention out here in public. This wouldn’t have happened if I had better controlled myself. “Can I make it up to you in some way?” I ask sincerely. Rae, please stop blushing at everything I say—that wasn’t meant to be innuendo! . “I also owe you for all the help you have given me, on top of also keeping me company tomorrow.” “You don’t need to do anything Francois-san. I enjoy your company.”Rae is quiet but she means it. “That’s good, because I very much enjoy your company too. I look forward to enjoying a casual day tomorrow. We’ve had to do a lot of studying lately. So, what do you have planned for our d—day?” I can do this. Rae narrows her eyes at me.

11_2

She definitely noticed I stopped myself from saying date. “I…you’ll have to wait and see. Like, don’t get your expectations up or anything. It’s nothing fancy. I don’t know, I was thinking we could go out and see a few things, then maybe get lunch and hang out at my place, or maybe your place? I could bring my laptop and show you a game, if you want. I don’t want to seem too much like an Otaku or anything but I think I have a good suggestion for something you might like.” She rambles on very quickly; it seems she is getting a bit self conscious. “That sounds lovely, Rae. I don’t need anything fancy either. Getting lunch, enjoying a nice walk around town and then doing something at home sounds perfect. I wouldn’t mind coming to your dorm.” We have spent a lot of time in mine . “Ugh…well, honestly it's pretty small, and now that I think about it we would have to share my bed if we wanted to play something on my laptop.” Rae averts her eyes and presses two fingers together. I don’t see what the problem is…okay, I will concede that this might be a lot for this version of Rae. But returning to my dorm might be unfair to Catherine. She has been very patient so far, but I can see she really wishes she had some privacy again with all the time Rae has spent at our place over this past week. “I’ll see what Catherine would prefer. She can be…well, she enjoys her privacy and I worry this is getting to be a bit too much for her.” “Oh, yeah, for sure. In that case I think Misha will be out for most of the day, so we can play it by ear I guess.” We resume our walk to the other side of the campus. I can see Rae is lost in thought for a moment. “Is something wrong?” She snaps her fingers. “Now I remember! Before Bauer-san showed up, I was going to tell you about something on YouTube you might like that’s pretty harmless.” “Oh?” That has piqued my interest. “Yeah, okay…” She pulls out her phone and starts it up, or “unlocks it” as Rae explained is the correct phrase. “Okay, in your opinion what is the cutest animal?” “Hmmm, well, cats are always adorable…but I’ve always been fond of otters.” She grins and types away, then turns the phone towards me as a video starts to play. It displays a pair of otters floating in the water together, sleeping soundly. “Awwww, they are holding each other’s hands!” Oh, goodness!

8_1

There are so many of these notifications… Rae sort of explained how these work. Pepi and Loretta each have sent me dozens of messages over the last day, and I tried to send them a few replies to keep them calm. Thankfully I think I am starting to get a better idea of texting now. Reviewing my old messages has been… informative , but even with the lack of proper context I feel the need to chastise my other self. It's far too familiar. I don’t feel comfortable matching that previous tone, needless to say. “Catherine… is there a way to stop all of these notifications?” Notification, to notify. Hrmm, all they seem to do is vex me. I appreciate that it alerts me to messages people have sent, but what is this ‘ X ’? I don’t understand what any of the X notifications mean, much less how there are over a hundred from it alone. It’s utterly inane. Instagram ? Rae tried to explain it, but it also seems to be a steady stream of messages that have no relation to me? “I guess, can you pass me your phone?” Catherine says from the sofa. She looks rather comfortable sunk into it and reading her own phone. “Hmmm, I think we can mute all the non essential ones, so you only see what you want to see, which I guess would be texts. Yeah… let's get rid of Twitter. No one should have that.” “Twitter? I don’t think I saw anything from that.” Was there something else on the phone I was missing? “Oh, right . It used to be called Twitter, but then the idiot who bought it decided ‘X’ would be better. No one calls it that, people still call it Twitter. And it sucks .” There is an unusual glee to her voice as she derides this ‘X’, or Twitter, whatever it’s called. “What is it?” “God, I don’t know, it’s a machine designed to make people miserable. Trust me, don’t think about it, it’s not worth it. I’ll turn it off rather than deleting it just in case you need it for something, but I really doubt it. Besides, no one would be surprised if someone stopped using it now. Huh, that’s a lot of Instagram… wow .” “I don’t understand that one, either.” “Errr. I think this one is more straightforward, but honestly it’s probably best to not use it for now. You remember what the internet is, right? All this stuff—” She waves her hand in the air as she talks. “Twitter, Instagram, etc. are using the internet to share their thoughts and photos and videos with other people. It’s like… it’s not magic, but it’s like a magic place that computers can look at, and in this case ‘computers’ includes your phone. So with Instagram you post pictures and then people can leave messages on them or give them a like… I think. I think that’s what most of these are for. This explains why your phone was always buzzing. Jeez, I had no idea you were this active there.” “I think I followed all of that. It is starting to come together, I guess? Did that many people really leave a message on these pictures?” I looked through some of the pictures from instagram with Rae before, but I don’t get it. A lot of pictures of food? The outfits maybe make more sense. Besides, Rae’s food looks better than anything I saw there. “I guess? It’s muted for now. You can look at it later again if you want to when you get more in the swing of things. I suppose it’s not that bad. It will probably be more manageable if you ghost it for a month. I think that should help you, and just let me or Oohashi-san know if other things pop up. And don’t ask about Tik-tok.” She sticks her hand up from the sofa with my phone, waving for me to take it. “Thanks again, Catherine.” Her hand just gives me a thumbs up, and then disappears behind the sofa cushions. As I start to walk away, she springs back up, “Wait, one more thing before I forget!” The suddenness is startling. She looks very intense right now. “...Yes?” “If you get any texts or other messages trying to get information out of you, or claiming you are in trouble or whatever, do not respond to them. If you really aren’t sure, let me or Oohashi-san see them. This is important—I cannot stress this enough. Those are almost always scams and are not legit, even though they can look convincing. Okay?” She looks deadly serious. A scam? “But—” “No, trust me, you have no context and the last thing we need is someone hacking your phone or bank. Just trust me when I say this. If you don’t recognize the person, which, okay, will probably be the case for most people who contact you, don't give out any information. Better yet, don’t respond at all, and that goes the same for if you get a random call.” I have not seen Catherine this intense in a while. How would one hack up my phone when it is in my hands? “Okay, I will check with you two first then.” That gets Catherine to release her breath and relax back into the sofa. Another thumbs up rises over the side. There is a knock on the door. That must be Rae. I quickly walk over and peek through the peephole. I can see her standing on the other side fidgeting. I can’t stop myself from grinning, and why would I? I unlock and open the door. “Rae!” I have to hold myself back from going in for a hug, but I do give her shoulder an affectionate squeeze. Even that causes her to blush, which is delightful . “Hello, Francois-san,” The quiver in her voice is adorable. “Hello, Achard-san, I hope I’m not intruding.” A hand just sticks up from the sofa and waves. “You’re helping, Rae, you aren’t intruding. Come in. Your other class went well?” I bring her over to sit at the desk, and I take a seat on my bed. “Umm, yes, thank you. Sorry I couldn’t escort you again. It can get easy to get turned around on campus.” She doesn’t need to apologize, but it’s cute when she does. “I managed. Having a map on your phone certainly helps. It updates your position as you move! I know you say it’s not magic, but it feels like magic.” They weren’t lying about how valuable a phone is, but at the same time they both seem to treat it so mundanely? “Cool, Cool. I’m glad you’re starting to get the hang of it! Soo , umm, how was your first day of classes, then?” Rae asks. I have to take a long breath, “Truthfully, I didn't retain anything nor really have any idea what we were talking about. The lessons were of arithmetic, business and economics and I thought I would have had some understanding. I have read so many texts and treatises on economics back in Bauer but the fundamentals seem so different here.” “Yeah… I don’t have a good solution, or at least not an easy one. You have the textbooks, right?” She takes a look at the desk and spots the pile of books, then plucks one and flips it open, “Ah, perfect, okay, so this is a good place to start. This intro chapter is actually well written and it does a good job of explaining and walking you through the basics if you can manage to sit down and read through it.” “I have trudged through treatises, letters and tomes far denser than these and with the most god awful prose you could imagine. If I could bludgeon those morons with a style guide, it would be far too kind.” I let my frustrations out in a chuckle, just for show. “I suspect these will be far easier and more pleasurable to read. Any other suggestions?” These texts should be more straightforward, and hopefully they won’t be full of justifications for taxing commoners—or whatever the term for them would be here—, to death and ruin. “Cool, cool, yes. This is a good place to start. I think for the math bits we can use my notes, and I’ll help show you how it works. It seems like you’re mostly just unfamiliar with modern notation and formulas, right, Francois-san?” She digs through her bag and pulls out a spiral-bound notebook. “We can start with this and then you can read the textbooks afterwards. I can even stick around for a bit and work on my own stuff if you want me here to ask questions.” “I would love to have you around, Rae.” Rae nearly drops her book as she blushes, and I can’t help but smirk. Catherine makes a gagging noise from the sofa. Hush, you. “C-c-cool.” Rae puts her book of notes on the desk with haste and stiffens. “Relax Rae.” I get up to fetch the second chair from Catherine’s desk and pull it over next to her. She tries to not visibly react, but I can see her tense up. She seems so wound up, and I know exactly how to unwind her—Claire! Goodness, Claire, leave the poor girl alone. But she is so close, and it would be so easy to push the chair just a bit closer, lean into her and— “F-Francois-san, are you ready, then?” I blink. Get it together, Claire, you have more important things to tackle first.“Yes, let's start.” I can hold myself toget

8_2

her. I am Claire Francois, after all, and this should be a trivial issue. It doesn’t matter that my wife is right here, inches away, and I could very well just reach over and ki— It doesn’t matter. I will not be one to give in to such desires, no matter how delicious they may be. Besides…Rae will give in way before I will.

78

It’s exciting being in the front seat. Too bad Rei can’t fit up here with me. Lene is driving us to Rei’s old home in Chiba. And not in a limo, either. We thought a normal car would be more cozy. Rei has fallen asleep in the back seat. The ride has been rather relaxing and the scenery is lovely. Japan is a marvel. It’s my first time really getting out of Tokyo and the change of scenery is great, even if we are shackled to the highway. Lene has resisted all attempts at conversation, though. “Lene, how have you been?” Lene startles, not expecting me to break the silence. I’ve had very few opportunities to talk to her in private for more than a few minutes. Every time we’ve spoken, it always feels stilted. She insists on being so formal with me. Even in my previous life I don’t think she ever treated me this… professionally. I miss the easy relationship we had. “Pardonne moi?” She doesn't take her eyes off the road. At least she isn’t dressed in her usual suit for this trip, which has always felt exceedingly stiff, but even in more casual attire her demeanor is consummately correct. It’s frustrating. “I should have no problem finishing this drive,” she says crisply, misunderstanding my question. “No…I meant how have you been. We hardly ever talk, and I feel like I don’t know you.” “Oh,” she says slowly, taking a moment to focus on driving before speaking again. “I have been well, mademoiselle. I find that living in Japan suits me now that I’ve adjusted, and working for your mother has been wonderful.” She still sounds too formal. “How long has it been, now?” Lene mulls the question. “I’ll have been in your mother’s employ for a decade next February.” A decade. I must have been barely a decade old myself. How much older is she here? Lene had worked for us from a very young age in Bauer, but that would have been unacceptable by this world’s standards. “How old are you, Lene, if you don’t mind me asking?” “Thirty-two, mademoiselle,” she answers frankly. So she’s much older than I am, then. That’s a vast difference from Bauer. It drives home the enormity of the difference between us now. I want to tell her about our past lives. I should at least tell her something. Mother wants to avoid telling people unnecessarily, and while Lene is close to the family, Mother did not want to introduce the complication. Understandable, if unfortunate. “Lene, I’m not sure how else to broach this, but I have to assume you have noticed a change in my demeanor.” She’s quiet, and for a moment she looks at me before returning her gaze to the road. “Oui.” She’s too polite to ask why, but I can hear the question. I owe her this much, at least. “You see, I…I feel better now, and I wanted to apologize for anytime I acted—” “Mademoiselle, that isn’t necessary.” She didn’t let me finish. But it is necessary. “Of course it is. I know I have treated you poorly, and I’m sure that there is much I wasn’t even aware I was doing.” Lene is quiet, and her focus is on the road again, but I know she is mulling over how to respond. “I appreciate the thought, Mademoiselle Claire, but I knew what I was signing on for when your mother hired me.” “That still doesn’t excuse my past behavior.” “That’s not…” Lene can’t quite find the words. I see her glance in the rear view mirror quickly. She sighs. “I didn’t think it was a good idea for you to go off to school on your own with Catherine.” What? “I’m not sure I follow?” “Your mother tried many things to help you, mademoiselle. Both you and Mademoiselle Catherine have been through a great deal, and I’m aware that I don’t even know the whole of it. I don’t need to know more, but I believed that going off to school on your own would have made things worse. I never expected to see you laughing, smiling. Happy. Depression is…suffocating. It’s like being trapped under a black sea. I don’t mean that it excuses your behavior. I just know how much it can hurt to lose someone.” I wasn’t expecting such a heartfelt response. I can tell from the sound of her voice that she speaks from painful personal experience. “I’m sorry, who did…” It’s a painful question, one I maybe shouldn’t ask. “Family.” She replies. The hurt in her voice and the cruelty of the situation twists my stomach. Lene does not linger too long on it. “But you found someone, you found your reason to move forward. If I might be so bold, mademoiselle, I am proud of you. I always knew you knew you could move forward and overcome the past if you only decided you wanted to.” That makes my breath catch in my throat. Even when the distance between us feels so vast, Lene is still a pillar. “Thank you, Lene.” “Your partner is wonderful. That was another surprise.” She sounds happy to say it. I can’t help but glance back at Rei softly snoozing in the back seat. “I love her so much. She’s done so much for me, and still does so much every day.” Lene lets out a content hum and smiles. “Lene, could we spend some time doing something leisurely? I’ve been trying to teach myself to cook, and I would appreciate your input.” “Oh, well if that is what you would like, mademoiselle, I would be happy to.” There is a soft smile on her face. “Thank you, Lene.” This has been a nice drive.

58

Fuck. Fuck! I need to get out of here, away. Out of the building. Bzzzt! Don’t answer that. It’s her . I… can’t right now. I can’t talk to her. I’m just gonna make it even worse. I can’t cook and I'm a coward. I just had to tell her she was wrong but I was too greedy. I didn’t want to let her go. I didn't want to disappoint her by being me and not her . Fuck… it’s over now. I really fucked it up. Why did I think I could make a fucking crème brûlée of all things? I must have mixed it wrong. I rushed it. I almost set her kitchen on fire- Thump- fuck, my hand stings . Wha- who did I just- “Rei?” Oh… …Oh no… Not her. “Are you okay?” Manaria asks. Of fucking course not. “P-peachy.” Hold it together. Her eyes narrow, and like fuck off already. Just get out my way please. I just want to get out of here. “What happened?” God, I beat her? What a fucking joke… “N-none of your f-fucking business.” Fuck I wish that sounding at least a fucking bit stable. “What did she do?” Please leave me alone… “S-she d-didn’t fucking d-do anything, get out-t of my way already.” Hold it together Rei… “ No , what happened?” She tries to grab my hand and I panic before she can make contact. I swing my arm wide and it causes her to back away, wary of another swing. She blinks. “You w-wanna know what happened? I fucked up! I’m a loser, I was an idiot thinking I could be with her. What was I t-thinking? She’s wrong about me—I’m nothing like she thinks I am. Of course I was going to f-fucking d-d-dis….” Oh god the words are drowning in my mouth. Manaria looks wary still. She's treating me like some scared animal , but there is some space between us. Fuck it. I take my chance and bolt past her. “Rei!” I can feel the swish of air but no contact. I dash out of the building and I don’t think she’s chasing me. Doesn’t stop me from running though. Fuck FUCK I just keep moving, pumping my legs. Maybe I can think my way through this. How ? I don’t know… Everyone tried to tell me … I need to get out of here.

26_1

“No.” “Just listen.” “I don’t need a new leg.” “Like hells you don’t. You told me it’s broken!” “It’s… fine.” “You have been limping everywhere!” “I have my cane.” Catherine stomps it to ground, I guess for effect but she winces when she has to put more pressure on her bad leg. “Just please see what needs to be done, Lene said you are long overdue for a replacement.” Catherine groans. “And it's hurting you!” “That’s to be expected Mademoiselle, your socket needs proper maintenance, even if you are not growing much anymore your body is not made of stone, it needs to be readjusted or it will put undue pressure on the area. And you have grown since your last check up.” Catherine just groans again and I feel really awkward and useless in this whole exchange. I’m just… moral support I guess? Go Claire. Lene-sama continues, she seems eager to make sure Catherine goes through with this at least. “Mademoiselle Francois would be most pleased if you would finally allow us to help you.” Catherine glances between the two of them, trying to find some way to counter. She looks at me, like I can offer some relief. But Claire is just trying to help her, “Uhh? I’m sure they just want what’s best, like it has to get fixed eventually right?” Claire takes her hand in both of hers, clasping it gently, “Please Catherine?” That would get me to concede, like on the spot. Catherine still has a some resistance though, but ultimately, not enough, “Fuck, fine. Fine, let's get this over with.” Claire bounces in place, still holding her hand which causes Catherine to roll her eyes. “Très bien, please this way then Mademoiselle Catherine, In the meantime Mademoiselle Claire and Oohashi, there will not be much space for you in the waiting room, if you desire you can stay with the Limousine, or you may walk about as you wish. It should not take us more than an hour. There is also a café across the street if you so desire as well.” “I think the cafe sounds lovely, Rei?” “Oh, yah sure?” “Très bien, then, I will text you when we are finished.” And with that Lene-sama bows, and escorts Catherine to her appointment. Her clinic is part of the hospital I guess. A part of me is relieved that my part in this was pretty painless, but I also hate feeling so… useless in this all? “Oh that went so well, Thank you again Rei for coming with me.” I feel her taking my hand in her own. Okay, as long as she is happy, I suppose that is all that matters in the end. “Yah, no problem, it’s not like I did very much.” “Nonsense,” she tuts at me, “You always help.” She drags me along to the cafe and she orders a small brunch for the both of us. We then find a more secluded booth for us to enjoy our sandwiches, coffee and pastries. There is some small idle chatter as Claire comments on the quality of the food, she has such a discerning tongue when it comes to food. Thankfully she hasn’t made much mention of having me cook something, but god I am dreading the topic again. I can barely even offer much of my own commentary on the meal we just had. Like it’s fine? Like it’s good but I don’t even know what to say. She doesn’t seem to make much of a deal of it, she just looks happy. God she really does just look happy, and pretty. No she looks fucking gorgeous, I still can’t believe that I am here. Not just here in a cafe with her, sharing a meal, but everything in the last week. I’m dating her. She is lost in thought at the moment, her chin resting on her palm as the ideas filter through her mind. Then she blinks and her eyes meet mine, a lazy smile creeps across her lips and an idle finger plays on the corner of it. “Rei…” Shit, I was staring. She seems amused though, “Mmmm, Rei, I was wondering… Is there a style you favor?” “Style?” “How do you like to dress?” What ? “I only mean since we will be perusing attire later… I know how to make you look good but I am more unfamiliar with fashion here and I want you to be happy with whatever we purchase.” “Oh… umm well I wouldn’t really say I have much, umm sense when it comes to fashion, I don’t know I just wear whatever…” “Something comfortable?” “Sure?” “Don’t worry, trust me, I know you dislike dress-up so we won't spend forever. I have ideas in my head but I will have to see what the venue offers first. I will make this as painless as I can.” I… I don’t like dress-up? I mean do I… maybe? There have been a few times when mom was getting me clothes I guess, and maybe that was boring but… I haven’t really… This is weird? Is she right? “Oh… Umm sure. You don’t have to go overboard or anything.” “Of course, I can be frugal but maybe I also want to enjoy the wealth while I have it again.” “Oh, umm sure… did umm, what was it like? You know… back then?” “We were still well off, but I went from exceedingly wealthy to a comfortable modest lifestyle, don’t worry it was well worth it. We had to be careful at times with money but we still were able to enjoy many luxuries. Our daughters wanted for little.” “Oh that’s… good, did you ever miss it?” “In some ways… but not really. It was the transition that was more so difficult I suppose, unlearning wasteful habits and figuring out how to live on our own. Going from having every meal being prepared by staff to… well you still prepared most of my meals, but more so I mean that we had to take care of ourselves. Mending our own clothes, cleaning up, chores, even keeping our employment and finances in mind was never a concern I would have had, had I still been a noble.” I… she gave up a life of luxury? For me? “It was worth it.” She answers as if reading my thoughts, there is a soft smile and she reaches over, placing her hand over my own. “Thank you again for coming.” “Oh… well no problem. Really. You and Lene-sama are doing most of the work.” “Hrmmm, you are important too.” Sure “Hey, you're not going to pout that I want you around are you?” “Ohh-What? No I- She laughs, “Of course not.” She smirks and breaks into a silly cackle… oh god she is adorable. I can’t help but laugh along with her, and once we both calm down I realize she has found my hand… again. Not a bad thing to keep happening I suppose. “That’s better… This is lovely.” Yah, it is. “I would like to be together tomorrow as well.” “Yes.” What? You said Yes. She smiles warmly, “Good, I would very much like to finish your game, Persona, but I also want to finally see some of the other things you like. I know you mentioned a Dungeon Meshi before-” “Really? You want to know about Dungeon Meshi!?” Oh shit I’m squeezing her hand. God Rei, you are such a fucking little goblin, can’t you just be chill- “Of course, I have to say, I’m surprised I never heard about it before from you given your current reaction… I have to ask, there was a novel series you were reading when you were still a teenager. Forgive me, I believe it’s name was Pray… Love?” “PrayLove? Between Prayer and Love?” She gleams, “Yes! That’s the one. You said that was your first yuri series, Shiko showed it to you.” … “Am I wrong ?” She smirks, she knows she isn’t. But… I… Okay, rationally, yes it makes sense she knows this based on what she told me… but It doesn’t stop it from throwing me for a loop. “You were writing stories for it as well?” … I need… to reset my brain… “I—------------Yes?” “Rei?” …. “Oh Wow! Sorry that… is. Wild. Wow.” “Are you okay Rei?” “Yes, Yes.” God I’m chuckling like an idiot now, “God, sorry, the only person I really ever talk about this with is Shiko… and Misha, but just a little. She’s a nerd too, but she is not really… into that stuff. It just really catches me off guard I guess.” “Sorry, I don’t mean to do that to you, it’s just I never imagined you used to be so guarded about this sorta thing. You were always so proud of it before. You told me about one story you had been working on for over five years for Pray Love.” “Five… years…” “Are… you still writing it?” “I… think so?” Uhhhh “Could I read it?” She asks sweetly. Fuck no. “Are you sure? I don't know… it's… unhinged. I don't even know if it would make sense…” oh god please don't ask this of me. I will DIE . Oh please don't pout at me Claire, “Rei I can assure you, nothing will surprise me, I have seen how unhinged

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you can be,” oh God why is she smirking? What does that mean… I… I… Can't deal with this, oh god. Please let me hide behind my hands. “Rei, it's really not that bad, I think we even might have played some scenes in the bedroom-” bEdRooM? “- it was honestly a lot of fun, we can even get a collar again-” tHE cOllAr?! Oh god please. Aaaaaaaaaaa “- as well as a few other toys… umm Rei are you okay?” Peachy “Reiiii” “Rei, look at me please,” I don't want to. She does look worried, god just get over yourself. Stop being so embarrassed over… sex. You want it . “Hey… it's okay Rei,” she's so kind… “I'm sorry, it's easy to forget how different you are now.” I bet “Does it make you uncomfortable?” “NO! Yes? I… I don't know… I'm embarrassed? God I… I wrote this stuff… and… now… you… me… “ I can hear my swallow. “ bed… I… it's a lot, it sounds amazing, scary… I-” “ Rei… that's normal, the first time I was ever with anyone, it was with you. I didn't know anything about being physical, let alone with another woman. It was intimidating as it was alluring, trust me, I understand. But you were there for me, gentle and you never rushed me. Let me do that for you.” I feel her squeeze my hand, When did she…? “I… want… to…” “We can go slowly.” …okay. Yah slow works. Slower Claire… Get out of here! “I… Yes… that. Thanks Claire. Sorry I shouldn't be-” “Please don't apologize, Rei. I'm sorry if I ever push you too much. I'm too greedy with my desires. And I might have too much fun teasing you.” Thanks Claire. “The teasing is fun.” She smirks proudly, “I know it is.” Huh? You said the quiet part out loud and the loud part… Shit! “You're adorable Rei.” She… god I really want to do this. I want to be hers. Her Rei. “ Soooooo? ” “Huh?” “You let me read your works, eventually?” Shit! “Eventually?” God I am not ready for this. I just started writing the really deranged stuff too. “It's not done though?” “That's okay, after all, I think I know how it ends.” Oh god, she always sounds so- I freeze as her hand moves to my face, she has a discerning look and her thumb rubs against my cheek. She pulls her hand back, “Ah that was bugging me.” She inspects whatever it was she cleaned off my face, then looks up at me and as she holds my gaze she licks her thumb, in the most fucking suggestive way possible, and she KNOWS what it’s doing to me. “Eventually.” She looks so satisfied. I’m not meant to survive.