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###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo my partner of almost 5 yrs got arrested last week for domestic violence towards me and my sister and a few other charges. To make the long story short, I've been with him since high school and have noticed signs of mental illnesses and whatnot. I've narrowed it down to narcissistic, borderline personality disorder, and possibly bipolar disorder. His dad has anger management issues, his mom is diagnosed with bipolar and he has always had anger issues as well. He was often mad and would yell at me for the littlest of things such as if we are playing a game together and I accidentally died (I suck at games but we play together because I know he likes it) he would yell and I call me names, insults me and whatnot. when we moved in together in college, he got physical. he would punch me and hit me and thrown me around like a rag doll. I remember him grabbing my head and slamming it into the fridge in our apartment and the first time he punched me till I bleed in my nose. I wanted to leave at the time but I was scared. Then he stopped, told me he'd never hit me again because he found God. Now, I am religious, not in the best way but I believe in God. So when he told me he found God and decided to be better, I thought maybe this will be our turning point. he was the best for a few weeks, then we started fighting again. he would yell and scream and call me by names and insults. I never said anything because to him it's defiant towards him because he is the man of the household. he eventually quits his job and I was left to support us and my 3 huskies. we moved to a different place because his best friend was supposed to be living with us but they fell off before our move-in date so he never signed the lease. then he would often bring up the idea of a 3 person relationship. this has always been a subject throughout our relationship. it has never been an official thing. he hooked up with my roommate his first year of college, then told me he wasn't gonna do it again. it was completely official when my sister got involved. I told him that it was okay because in my mind it's the least I can do for him because he has done so much for me.
that's when his discipline method got worst. before my sister, he wasn't hitting me anymore but it was more of him choking me out till I submit to him and he'll sit on me till I gave in. but when my sister started to live with us he started to do more. he'll tell her that I'm being possessed by an evil spirit and would tell her to go and choke me and he would join and they would choke me out till I peed my pants or till I was out completely, then he would stand on my chest and jump. he would tell me to go choke her if she ever defies him. If I don't do it he would do that to me only worst. he was always favoring her and give her the lighter discipline and make it a horrific experience for me. Another disciplinary action would be he would put our hands in hot water, and or dunk our heads in cold water till we can't breathe anymore. towards the end, I was mortified every time he would raise his voice or if he even said that I'm defying him. my sister finally broke one night after he told her to leave the house she left and called my mom. from there they got the cops involved and he was arrested later that afternoon. I had wished that I would have a breaking point as my sister does. but I wanted him to get better, I want him to feel better to cope better with his problems. I love him
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't know how to feel right now because I know what he did was wrong and that it should never have happened. but towards the end he was such a gentleman towards me, he was sweet, I got to see what he was like back in high school again and I really miss him. I really think that our relationship is going to get better. but I also know that if he ever comes back what he did to me will come back and it's never gonna change. I don't know what to do now because his mom keeps texting me updating the status of his case and what she wants to do. she keeps asking me questions about him that make me worry about him and it makes me want to bail him out because I have the money to. but I also know that I'm going to put myself and my sister in danger if he gets out. I don't know what to do or what to think because I miss him and I miss being with him. my dogs remind me of him, my place reminds me of him everything I come home to reminds me of him and I'm just a sad mess. my mom has been really supportive but I don't know if I'll ever come out of this mess. he has made me feel worthless, he made me feel like I'm nothing but a piece of shit good for nothing.
I'm sorry for the long post. I don't normally put my life on the internet like this but I'm stuck and lost and I don't know where else to turn. I don't expect anyone to have read this far but if you have, thank you for reading about me complaining about my life I appreciate it, I just want to be at peace...
Edit: he had previously mentioned to me that he wanted me dead. That he wanted to kill me. Then go back when he's happy and say those are things he said while he's angry ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo my partner of almost 5 yrs got arrested last week for domestic violence towards me and my sister and a few other charges. To make the long story short, I've been with him since high school and have noticed signs of mental illnesses and whatnot. I've narrowed it down to narcissistic, borderline personality disorder, and possibly bipolar disorder. His dad has anger management issues, his mom is diagnosed with bipolar and he has always had anger issues as well. He was often mad and would yell at me for the littlest of things such as if we are playing a game together and I accidentally died (I suck at games but we play together because I know he likes it) he would yell and I call me names, insults me and whatnot. when we moved in together in college, he got physical. he would punch me and hit me and thrown me around like a rag doll. I remember him grabbing my head and slamming it into the fridge in our apartment and the first time he punched me till I bleed in my nose. I wanted to leave at the time but I was scared. Then he stopped, told me he'd never hit me again because he found God. Now, I am religious, not in the best way but I believe in God. So when he told me he found God and decided to be better, I thought maybe this will be our turning point. he was the best for a few weeks, then we started fighting again. he would yell and scream and call me by names and insults. I never said anything because to him it's defiant towards him because he is the man of the household. he eventually quits his job and I was left to support us and my 3 huskies. we moved to a different place because his best friend was supposed to be living with us but they fell off before our move-in date so he never signed the lease. then he would often bring up the idea of a 3 person relationship. this has always been a subject throughout our relationship. it has never been an official thing. he hooked up with my roommate his first year of college, then told me he wasn't gonna do it again. it was completely official when my sister got involved. I told him that it was okay because in my mind it's the least I can do for him because he has done so much for me.
that's when his discipline method got worst. before my sister, he wasn't hitting me anymore but it was more of him choking me out till I submit to him and he'll sit on me till I gave in. but when my sister started to live with us he started to do more. he'll tell her that I'm being possessed by an evil spirit and would tell her to go and choke me and he would join and they would choke me out till I peed my pants or till I was out completely, then he would stand on my chest and jump. he would tell me to go choke her if she ever defies him. If I don't do it he would do that to me only worst. he was always favoring her and give her the lighter discipline and make it a horrific experience for me. Another disciplinary action would be he would put our hands in hot water, and or dunk our heads in cold water till we can't breathe anymore. towards the end, I was mortified every time he would raise his voice or if he even said that I'm defying him. my sister finally broke one night after he told her to leave the house she left and called my mom. from there they got the cops involved and he was arrested later that afternoon. I had wished that I would have a breaking point as my sister does. but I wanted him to get better, I want him to feel better to cope better with his problems. I love him
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't know how to feel right now because I know what he did was wrong and that it should never have happened. but towards the end he was such a gentleman towards me, he was sweet, I got to see what he was like back in high school again and I really miss him. I really think that our relationship is going to get better. but I also know that if he ever comes back what he did to me will come back and it's never gonna change. I don't know what to do now because his mom keeps texting me updating the status of his case and what she wants to do. she keeps asking me questions about him that make me worry about him and it makes me want to bail him out because I have the money to. but I also know that I'm going to put myself and my sister in danger if he gets out. I don't know what to do or what to think because I miss him and I miss being with him. my dogs remind me of him, my place reminds me of him everything I come home to reminds me of him and I'm just a sad mess. my mom has been really supportive but I don't know if I'll ever come out of this mess. he has made me feel worthless, he made me feel like I'm nothing but a piece of shit good for nothing.
I'm sorry for the long post. I don't normally put my life on the internet like this but I'm stuck and lost and I don't know where else to turn. I don't expect anyone to have read this far but if you have, thank you for reading about me complaining about my life I appreciate it, I just want to be at peace...
Edit: he had previously mentioned to me that he wanted me dead. That he wanted to kill me. Then go back when he's happy and say those are things he said while he's angry [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content24F, i’ve never experienced anything like this in a relationship before. he (39) makes my f*k boy ex’s look like saints. we dated for a year and it took me several months to notice that he was subtly controlling my behavior by making condescending remarks and other unnecessary digs. whether it was what i ate, what i wore, even my personal opinions. but by then i was so deeply in love and almost indebted bc he had provided so much for me. (aka love bombed tf out of me). plus he was older and i wanted to impress him - he was aware of that.
i had convinced myself that he was my best friend so i told him everything about me. my thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, and my fears. it wasn’t long before i felt like i could not live without him in my life. not literally but i knew life would be sucky without him.
i alienated myself from everyone which wasn’t hard bc i’m already an introvert. but it makes me so sad now bc i have no support system. the one person i do have thinks i stopped talking to him months ago 😪 and every time i mention his name she is disgusted. i know it’s bc he’s hurt me so bad but now i feel like i can’t really confide in her.
he broke up with me about 3 mos ago bc he was tired of me calling him out on his toxic behavior. he called me crazy and psycho and said “and you wonder why i want to break up with you” i was devastated. even though i would call him out i was still very willing to stay with him. in fact we had talked about marriage like a week before so this completely blindsided me. keep in mind he is the only person i talk to on a daily basis. i entered into a deep depression that i didn’t even know was depression.
i quit my job. it was a terrible place but i would’ve at least stayed until i had another position if i had him motivating me. yes he was a big motivator for me. made me feel very safe and protected (i’m anxious). it just got to be too hard dealing with the people at work and this breakup. so much time at home i began eating so much and i’ve gained so much weight. i feel unattractive and refuse to be seen by anyone outside of family.
still. he found a way to put me in the friend zone and i feel like a complete fool. i looked for advice online about how to get through this but they said i needed a support system and sobbed realizing that i don’t have one. i can’t do this anymore. i am so angry with myself and him, everyday the up & down emotions, the financial ruin that’s inching closer bc i can’t find the motivation to get out of bed. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content24F, i’ve never experienced anything like this in a relationship before. he (39) makes my f*k boy ex’s look like saints. we dated for a year and it took me several months to notice that he was subtly controlling my behavior by making condescending remarks and other unnecessary digs. whether it was what i ate, what i wore, even my personal opinions. but by then i was so deeply in love and almost indebted bc he had provided so much for me. (aka love bombed tf out of me). plus he was older and i wanted to impress him - he was aware of that.
i had convinced myself that he was my best friend so i told him everything about me. my thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, and my fears. it wasn’t long before i felt like i could not live without him in my life. not literally but i knew life would be sucky without him.
i alienated myself from everyone which wasn’t hard bc i’m already an introvert. but it makes me so sad now bc i have no support system. the one person i do have thinks i stopped talking to him months ago 😪 and every time i mention his name she is disgusted. i know it’s bc he’s hurt me so bad but now i feel like i can’t really confide in her.
he broke up with me about 3 mos ago bc he was tired of me calling him out on his toxic behavior. he called me crazy and psycho and said “and you wonder why i want to break up with you” i was devastated. even though i would call him out i was still very willing to stay with him. in fact we had talked about marriage like a week before so this completely blindsided me. keep in mind he is the only person i talk to on a daily basis. i entered into a deep depression that i didn’t even know was depression.
i quit my job. it was a terrible place but i would’ve at least stayed until i had another position if i had him motivating me. yes he was a big motivator for me. made me feel very safe and protected (i’m anxious). it just got to be too hard dealing with the people at work and this breakup. so much time at home i began eating so much and i’ve gained so much weight. i feel unattractive and refuse to be seen by anyone outside of family.
still. he found a way to put me in the friend zone and i feel like a complete fool. i looked for advice online about how to get through this but they said i needed a support system and sobbed realizing that i don’t have one. i can’t do this anymore. i am so angry with myself and him, everyday the up & down emotions, the financial ruin that’s inching closer bc i can’t find the motivation to get out of bed. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHow bad does it have to get before it's considered an abusive relationship? I see some of the stories here and I feel ashamed even wondering if what happened to me was abuse.
I have been shoved and pinned down for less than a minute. These types of incidents only happened 3 times over the course of 2 years. My bf was drunk every time. I have never been hit. I dont think he would ever do that. He apologized right after every incident.
How far does it have to go until it's abuse? I have never been in a relationship before this so I don't have anything to compare it to. I'm hoping he'll stop because I told him I can't stand it anymore and he promised he would. My hope is that nothing like that happens again because I don't want to be in an abusive relationship. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHow bad does it have to get before it's considered an abusive relationship? I see some of the stories here and I feel ashamed even wondering if what happened to me was abuse.
I have been shoved and pinned down for less than a minute. These types of incidents only happened 3 times over the course of 2 years. My bf was drunk every time. I have never been hit. I dont think he would ever do that. He apologized right after every incident.
How far does it have to go until it's abuse? I have never been in a relationship before this so I don't have anything to compare it to. I'm hoping he'll stop because I told him I can't stand it anymore and he promised he would. My hope is that nothing like that happens again because I don't want to be in an abusive relationship. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI ended things with my bf of 4.5 years last week. After years of me asking him to get a job, to help around the house more, and to just step up, I finally had enough. I went home on my lunch break and we got into a physical argument. He had me in a chokehold at one point, and he left me with a bruise on my arm that’s still there 8 days later.. When I returned to work beet red and choking back tears the facade was over.
This week has been full of problems from locking myself out of my house, to hitting a deer, to having my ex steal my dog. I changed my front door locks, and I’m doing my best to move forward. I keep wondering if it was the right choice, but I know deep down it is. I made a note on my phone and every time I think of a messed up situation he had me in, I add it to the note. It’s the perfect way for me to remember the good times while being reminded of the bad times. I’m making this post for accountability, but also in hopes of inspiring someone else. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI ended things with my bf of 4.5 years last week. After years of me asking him to get a job, to help around the house more, and to just step up, I finally had enough. I went home on my lunch break and we got into a physical argument. He had me in a chokehold at one point, and he left me with a bruise on my arm that’s still there 8 days later.. When I returned to work beet red and choking back tears the facade was over.
This week has been full of problems from locking myself out of my house, to hitting a deer, to having my ex steal my dog. I changed my front door locks, and I’m doing my best to move forward. I keep wondering if it was the right choice, but I know deep down it is. I made a note on my phone and every time I think of a messed up situation he had me in, I add it to the note. It’s the perfect way for me to remember the good times while being reminded of the bad times. I’m making this post for accountability, but also in hopes of inspiring someone else. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWhat great advice do you have for those currently in an abusive relationship, for those planning to leave, or for those that have just gotten out of an abusive relationship? Maybe the advice/information was given to you by someone else, maybe you came across it online, or maybe you found out the hard way. Let’s inform and empower each other!
Me? I have been in an abusive marriage for 10 years and I’m finally getting ready to leave. About two weeks ago, my husband was using my Facebook on my iPad to access Facebook Marketplace. He doesn’t have his own account. I had just gotten to a place where I had decided to leave and was going to tell my closest friends. That’s when I realized that I had all my texts and iMessages going to both my phone and my iPad. I quietly turned that feature off, told my friends not to use Facebook Messenger to contact me anymore, and deleted our Messenger conversations. This could have unknowingly put me in a very dangerous position and it had never even crossed my mind.
So, what about you? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWhat great advice do you have for those currently in an abusive relationship, for those planning to leave, or for those that have just gotten out of an abusive relationship? Maybe the advice/information was given to you by someone else, maybe you came across it online, or maybe you found out the hard way. Let’s inform and empower each other!
Me? I have been in an abusive marriage for 10 years and I’m finally getting ready to leave. About two weeks ago, my husband was using my Facebook on my iPad to access Facebook Marketplace. He doesn’t have his own account. I had just gotten to a place where I had decided to leave and was going to tell my closest friends. That’s when I realized that I had all my texts and iMessages going to both my phone and my iPad. I quietly turned that feature off, told my friends not to use Facebook Messenger to contact me anymore, and deleted our Messenger conversations. This could have unknowingly put me in a very dangerous position and it had never even crossed my mind.
So, what about you? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHe’s an abusive alcoholic. Emotionally, financially, and sometimes violent. I can’t live like this anymore. He made us move across the country from my friends and family. He won’t let me talk to my family, and makes rude comments when I talk to my friends.
I have no job, no money, no support system, three kids, and no solid proof of his abuse. We had childcare because I was in school but he made me fire her. I literally have no one. He’s said before divorce him he’ll destroy my life. I’m stuck aren’t I?
Edit: I should add he is a wealthy attorney but has racked up a bunch of credit cards in my name, and hides most of his money in a business account. He’s told me “my business has a lot of money but I don’t” so basically I probably wouldn’t get any money to help pay our expenses and I’d be saddled with about 100k in debt. ###Assistant:Finance | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHe’s an abusive alcoholic. Emotionally, financially, and sometimes violent. I can’t live like this anymore. He made us move across the country from my friends and family. He won’t let me talk to my family, and makes rude comments when I talk to my friends.
I have no job, no money, no support system, three kids, and no solid proof of his abuse. We had childcare because I was in school but he made me fire her. I literally have no one. He’s said before divorce him he’ll destroy my life. I’m stuck aren’t I?
Edit: I should add he is a wealthy attorney but has racked up a bunch of credit cards in my name, and hides most of his money in a business account. He’s told me “my business has a lot of money but I don’t” so basically I probably wouldn’t get any money to help pay our expenses and I’d be saddled with about 100k in debt. [/INST] Finance </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo I'm trying to find a way to leave with our dog. Without me he would be alone inside all day until after 4pm and he's anxious and attached. My only problem is I attempted to leave before and my boyfriend showed up where I was staying and took him. He likes to be in control and I know he will always find me and take him. Does anyone have advice for moving forward and keeping my dog with me? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo I'm trying to find a way to leave with our dog. Without me he would be alone inside all day until after 4pm and he's anxious and attached. My only problem is I attempted to leave before and my boyfriend showed up where I was staying and took him. He likes to be in control and I know he will always find me and take him. Does anyone have advice for moving forward and keeping my dog with me? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo this particular journey starts about eight years ago when I was 15. My parents died and I went to live with my grandparents in the country. Looking back on it life was pretty good there but I hated it. I met T (he was 28 when we first met) online and it all started from there. We talked constantly and formed a relationship. When I was 16 He came down to be with me for a weekend. I felt special. He made me feel special and loved.
I got pregnant and ended up running away to be with him. My grandparents never knew I was pregnant. We moved five states away. And things got worse.
Over the years he has abused me in every way I can think of while we have had four kids together (I’m pregnant with 5 and 6). I am now 23 and he is 36.
I never really thought of leaving until the oldest was playing with her Barbie and ken dolls. Ken hit Barbie and when I asked her why her response was that is what daddy’s do.
That broke me. And I started planning to leave. He seemed to know exactly when I was planning it and would choose that time to be dad of the year and take care of one of the kids while I did my errands.
Then he got Covid. Three weeks ago. I am so thankful to say that none of us have it (me and my oldest are vaccinated). He had to go into the hospital on day five. We left. I am now in a safe place five hours away. There is only one person who knows of a way to reach me and she emailed me today. He is improving it seems.
On top of this I made a new friend with a neighbor and something weird happened. She recognized me from a missing persons report. She’s a nut about crime and missing persons stuff. I tried passing it off but she found it and sure enough it’s me. She’s now trying to get me to call the number. I don’t know what to do.
With everything going on I am starting to feel terrified. It’s bad enough that I’m not able to sleep at night jumping at every noise. I have to triple check the doors and windows. I just don’t feel safe and I don’t know what to do. Shouldn’t I feel safe now?
The kiddos are even doing good. Not one of them has asked for daddy and they will sometimes even start to play without reassurance.
Is something wrong with me? Any advice in general is welcome. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo this particular journey starts about eight years ago when I was 15. My parents died and I went to live with my grandparents in the country. Looking back on it life was pretty good there but I hated it. I met T (he was 28 when we first met) online and it all started from there. We talked constantly and formed a relationship. When I was 16 He came down to be with me for a weekend. I felt special. He made me feel special and loved.
I got pregnant and ended up running away to be with him. My grandparents never knew I was pregnant. We moved five states away. And things got worse.
Over the years he has abused me in every way I can think of while we have had four kids together (I’m pregnant with 5 and 6). I am now 23 and he is 36.
I never really thought of leaving until the oldest was playing with her Barbie and ken dolls. Ken hit Barbie and when I asked her why her response was that is what daddy’s do.
That broke me. And I started planning to leave. He seemed to know exactly when I was planning it and would choose that time to be dad of the year and take care of one of the kids while I did my errands.
Then he got Covid. Three weeks ago. I am so thankful to say that none of us have it (me and my oldest are vaccinated). He had to go into the hospital on day five. We left. I am now in a safe place five hours away. There is only one person who knows of a way to reach me and she emailed me today. He is improving it seems.
On top of this I made a new friend with a neighbor and something weird happened. She recognized me from a missing persons report. She’s a nut about crime and missing persons stuff. I tried passing it off but she found it and sure enough it’s me. She’s now trying to get me to call the number. I don’t know what to do.
With everything going on I am starting to feel terrified. It’s bad enough that I’m not able to sleep at night jumping at every noise. I have to triple check the doors and windows. I just don’t feel safe and I don’t know what to do. Shouldn’t I feel safe now?
The kiddos are even doing good. Not one of them has asked for daddy and they will sometimes even start to play without reassurance.
Is something wrong with me? Any advice in general is welcome. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentUpdate:
I read everyone's advice. Thank you so much.
I packed up his essential stuff and asked him to give me some space for a few days (this gave me some wiggle-room). He begged, guilt tripped, and yelled to try to get me to reconsider, but I stood firm. He's been staying with his parents. I still have finances to disentangle and I still have all of his furniture, but he's out of the house and I feel like I can finally breathe again.
original post:
I'm want to kick out the guy im engaged to. He's controlling towards me/ wont let me work and puts me in debt, always yelling and screaming. I want to kick him out. He's not on the lease, and I think he'd be legally entitled to 60 days notice. Does anyone have advice on what I can do? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentUpdate:
I read everyone's advice. Thank you so much.
I packed up his essential stuff and asked him to give me some space for a few days (this gave me some wiggle-room). He begged, guilt tripped, and yelled to try to get me to reconsider, but I stood firm. He's been staying with his parents. I still have finances to disentangle and I still have all of his furniture, but he's out of the house and I feel like I can finally breathe again.
original post:
I'm want to kick out the guy im engaged to. He's controlling towards me/ wont let me work and puts me in debt, always yelling and screaming. I want to kick him out. He's not on the lease, and I think he'd be legally entitled to 60 days notice. Does anyone have advice on what I can do? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentTonight he was really high. I lost a patient today and was a bit upset and he wasn’t okay with that I guess. He hit me and shoved me and choked me and I was so scared. It has never been this bad before. I don’t think I have ever been so scared. He was talking about killing me and himself and he’s asleep now and I’m so tired but I’m so afraid to fall asleep.
I told a friend and asked him to call the cops if I didn’t check in but I backed out and asked him not to because I was so scared. I know it’s not my fault, I’ve read all the stuff and my friend tells me it’s not but it really feels that way. I don’t know what to do anymore ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentTonight he was really high. I lost a patient today and was a bit upset and he wasn’t okay with that I guess. He hit me and shoved me and choked me and I was so scared. It has never been this bad before. I don’t think I have ever been so scared. He was talking about killing me and himself and he’s asleep now and I’m so tired but I’m so afraid to fall asleep.
I told a friend and asked him to call the cops if I didn’t check in but I backed out and asked him not to because I was so scared. I know it’s not my fault, I’ve read all the stuff and my friend tells me it’s not but it really feels that way. I don’t know what to do anymore [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThe court system for DV victims is frightening, is it not? Particularly, for parents who are not permitted to escape their abusers.
One, often used, means of abuse is the threat. So, does the threat of returning to court count?
My abuser threatens police, third party, and court action if I do not respond to accusatory messages or adjust the parenting schedule (I never waiver from the parenting plan - ever).
And yet, I seek zero legal help.
The reason being, I'm almost sure the courts/police would not view these threats as legitimate.
Why?
Well, because the institutions I'd be petitioning for help ARE the threat. And courts have to uphold the notion that they are not an entity to be feared, right?
Furthermore, I've heard that the first person to pursue legal action becomes know as the "up start," the bad guy, the frowned upon.
So, despite sleepless nights, fear, alienation, worry, and hours upon hours spent collecting and organizing preemptive exhibits, I take zero legal steps. I remain in a defensive position at a constant.
I often hear, "Oh, just let it go. Don't worry about it. He'll never do thoes things." And I wonder "Well, how much evidence and money will I have, exactly, if I sit here and plan for nothing?" My guess is very little.
So, instead, I work myself ragged in "what if" land.
I swear, I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. Threatened with the very system that might save me from threat. Gaah, when will this end!
This is a small piece of a very large puzzle:
Harrassment was discussed many times in court. He was simply told not to do it. We use a communication app, the defamatory remarks continue regardless. I never respond.
He currently slanders me via email (libel) to our daughter's councelor. I have no idea how this is affecting my professional relationship with this authority. Depending on the councelors experience, she'll either dismiss it outright or she'll adopt a negative view of me as a parent.
The physical abuse was addressed only during the first of six or seven hearings. He was ordered a psychological evaluation but did not comply. Our hearing officer never brought it up again.
He was non compliant at every hearing. Never submitted proof of therapy, firearms, refused to submit paperwork for our daughter, I could go on and on.
Yes, I had legal representation throughout.
He was eventually ordered one overnight with our child; very little time. But for how long? How long before he motions the court and our daughter becomes subject to more harm? She needs a father. I get it, I do, I remember the need very well.
She also cries, returns home confused or passing messages, and shows me that she feels unsafe in his home.
If you are in a similar position:
I am so damn proud of you. You should not have to bear this weight but you do. Your beautiful kids deserve so much more. Hang tight. I'm with you.
If you are being abused:
If you feel trapped, confused, manipulated, degraded, worthless, depressed, frightened, anxious, isolated.
If you've been pushed, yanked, tripped, restrained, pinned, blocked, hit, choked, threatened, stalked.
If you've had items taken from you, hidden from you, broken in front of you, next to you, over you.
DO NOT HESITATE. Get a protection order NOW! Yes, you probably love this person, you may stay with this person, but the day you leave you will thank GOD you gave yourself a means. Please.
A protection order that is sought late in the game, once proceedings are underway, will be viewed as retribution. Your request will be disapproved. It will be too late.
- Love Raving Mad Mommy ###Assistant:Childbearing | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThe court system for DV victims is frightening, is it not? Particularly, for parents who are not permitted to escape their abusers.
One, often used, means of abuse is the threat. So, does the threat of returning to court count?
My abuser threatens police, third party, and court action if I do not respond to accusatory messages or adjust the parenting schedule (I never waiver from the parenting plan - ever).
And yet, I seek zero legal help.
The reason being, I'm almost sure the courts/police would not view these threats as legitimate.
Why?
Well, because the institutions I'd be petitioning for help ARE the threat. And courts have to uphold the notion that they are not an entity to be feared, right?
Furthermore, I've heard that the first person to pursue legal action becomes know as the "up start," the bad guy, the frowned upon.
So, despite sleepless nights, fear, alienation, worry, and hours upon hours spent collecting and organizing preemptive exhibits, I take zero legal steps. I remain in a defensive position at a constant.
I often hear, "Oh, just let it go. Don't worry about it. He'll never do thoes things." And I wonder "Well, how much evidence and money will I have, exactly, if I sit here and plan for nothing?" My guess is very little.
So, instead, I work myself ragged in "what if" land.
I swear, I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. Threatened with the very system that might save me from threat. Gaah, when will this end!
This is a small piece of a very large puzzle:
Harrassment was discussed many times in court. He was simply told not to do it. We use a communication app, the defamatory remarks continue regardless. I never respond.
He currently slanders me via email (libel) to our daughter's councelor. I have no idea how this is affecting my professional relationship with this authority. Depending on the councelors experience, she'll either dismiss it outright or she'll adopt a negative view of me as a parent.
The physical abuse was addressed only during the first of six or seven hearings. He was ordered a psychological evaluation but did not comply. Our hearing officer never brought it up again.
He was non compliant at every hearing. Never submitted proof of therapy, firearms, refused to submit paperwork for our daughter, I could go on and on.
Yes, I had legal representation throughout.
He was eventually ordered one overnight with our child; very little time. But for how long? How long before he motions the court and our daughter becomes subject to more harm? She needs a father. I get it, I do, I remember the need very well.
She also cries, returns home confused or passing messages, and shows me that she feels unsafe in his home.
If you are in a similar position:
I am so damn proud of you. You should not have to bear this weight but you do. Your beautiful kids deserve so much more. Hang tight. I'm with you.
If you are being abused:
If you feel trapped, confused, manipulated, degraded, worthless, depressed, frightened, anxious, isolated.
If you've been pushed, yanked, tripped, restrained, pinned, blocked, hit, choked, threatened, stalked.
If you've had items taken from you, hidden from you, broken in front of you, next to you, over you.
DO NOT HESITATE. Get a protection order NOW! Yes, you probably love this person, you may stay with this person, but the day you leave you will thank GOD you gave yourself a means. Please.
A protection order that is sought late in the game, once proceedings are underway, will be viewed as retribution. Your request will be disapproved. It will be too late.
- Love Raving Mad Mommy [/INST] Childbearing </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’m not in a physically abusive relationship, but it can be one that’s very verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive. I’d like a place to talk about it. ###Assistant:DV survivors’ network/ (Online) support groups | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’m not in a physically abusive relationship, but it can be one that’s very verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive. I’d like a place to talk about it. [/INST] DV survivors’ network/ (Online) support groups </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI think my problem right now is I have more compassion than I do sense.
I love him so much, and I know he's hurting. But I also can't help but feel manipulated, I just can't get my anger to the surface. It's always pushed down by my ever-present urge to protect him and not be mean.
After a week of no contact, he called me. It was an emotional conversation. He desperately wants to come home. But I can't let him, we're not good for each other. Like we're werewolves and each other's full moons. I have to protect myself and our pets.
But I don't want to be heartless. I don't want to keep his dogs from him. But I can't let him come home -- we'll settle into our old ways and co-dependence. I just don't know if I have the strength to turn him down completely. He promised to go to therapy and anger management, and I hope he does. But I want him to do it for himself, not for me. Otherwise, it will never truly be him. But I still don't know if I trust him to go. It's so complicated. I want him to feel loved and protected, but I know I'm not the right person for it.
I wish I could believe he could change, that this should be his wake-up call. I'm also scared that flat-out rejection will result in him hurting himself. He's proven he's capable of that. I'm hurting, I know he's hurting. Is it even possible to continue loving him at distance or is the healthiest option truly to completely cut off contact and let the chips fall where they may? Honestly, the potential outcomes keep me up at night.
**EDIT:** He's trying to force me into making a decision and the only options are to let him come back home or he's going to pursue doctor-assisted suicide. I want him to make the choice to live and try to live a better life for himself. I can't let him come home - I don't feel safe with him here, but telling him no is (in his mind) telling him to die. I don't know what to do. I've told him a million times even if I was willing to take him back one day after I saw real change, that day wasn't today. And because, after only a week since he left, I'm not willing to confirm there's a future for us, he's not willing to do any sort of self-improvement. I regret picking up the phone again. I wasn't ready for this, and he's clearly breaking. My heart hurts for him. This rock and hard place situation has no winners. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI think my problem right now is I have more compassion than I do sense.
I love him so much, and I know he's hurting. But I also can't help but feel manipulated, I just can't get my anger to the surface. It's always pushed down by my ever-present urge to protect him and not be mean.
After a week of no contact, he called me. It was an emotional conversation. He desperately wants to come home. But I can't let him, we're not good for each other. Like we're werewolves and each other's full moons. I have to protect myself and our pets.
But I don't want to be heartless. I don't want to keep his dogs from him. But I can't let him come home -- we'll settle into our old ways and co-dependence. I just don't know if I have the strength to turn him down completely. He promised to go to therapy and anger management, and I hope he does. But I want him to do it for himself, not for me. Otherwise, it will never truly be him. But I still don't know if I trust him to go. It's so complicated. I want him to feel loved and protected, but I know I'm not the right person for it.
I wish I could believe he could change, that this should be his wake-up call. I'm also scared that flat-out rejection will result in him hurting himself. He's proven he's capable of that. I'm hurting, I know he's hurting. Is it even possible to continue loving him at distance or is the healthiest option truly to completely cut off contact and let the chips fall where they may? Honestly, the potential outcomes keep me up at night.
**EDIT:** He's trying to force me into making a decision and the only options are to let him come back home or he's going to pursue doctor-assisted suicide. I want him to make the choice to live and try to live a better life for himself. I can't let him come home - I don't feel safe with him here, but telling him no is (in his mind) telling him to die. I don't know what to do. I've told him a million times even if I was willing to take him back one day after I saw real change, that day wasn't today. And because, after only a week since he left, I'm not willing to confirm there's a future for us, he's not willing to do any sort of self-improvement. I regret picking up the phone again. I wasn't ready for this, and he's clearly breaking. My heart hurts for him. This rock and hard place situation has no winners. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHas anyone wondered if the abuse may not have happened if the person wasn't under the influence? In my situation my ex was under the influence of cocaine and alcohol a lot of the times he was abusive... he claims he wouldn't have done those things if he was sober. But I pointed out to him he was still mentally and physically abusive even sober. Or is it another way for the abuser to not take responsibility?? ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHas anyone wondered if the abuse may not have happened if the person wasn't under the influence? In my situation my ex was under the influence of cocaine and alcohol a lot of the times he was abusive... he claims he wouldn't have done those things if he was sober. But I pointed out to him he was still mentally and physically abusive even sober. Or is it another way for the abuser to not take responsibility?? [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentYesterday he pulled me hair out beat my face for the first time and left marks. Im never allowed to process the abuse because hes too tied up in “feeling bad” and I have to comfort him. Hes my first boyfriend we started dating when I was 16 im now 23 turing 24 soon. I have nothing to my name not true friends not true family fhat cares. His family supports his abuse to me and only care to tell him to stop because hell go to jail. Not because hes hurting another human. This is the first time im telling anyone anything. Because im on the verge of disappearing from this earth. Im scared and tired. And I feel like its all my fault. Hes even a year younger than and that makes me feel worse about the situation. I have a little sister and I feel like ill never ba able to be a good role model for her because of what I put up with. I just feel defeated. Sorry if this is a ramble or not allowed. I just need help. I have along history of being abused. Sexually from a sibling for years. Emotionally abused when I came out about the trauma.And almost immediately after that I got into the worst relationship of my life and feel like I have to stay because he financially supported me. I feel in debt. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentYesterday he pulled me hair out beat my face for the first time and left marks. Im never allowed to process the abuse because hes too tied up in “feeling bad” and I have to comfort him. Hes my first boyfriend we started dating when I was 16 im now 23 turing 24 soon. I have nothing to my name not true friends not true family fhat cares. His family supports his abuse to me and only care to tell him to stop because hell go to jail. Not because hes hurting another human. This is the first time im telling anyone anything. Because im on the verge of disappearing from this earth. Im scared and tired. And I feel like its all my fault. Hes even a year younger than and that makes me feel worse about the situation. I have a little sister and I feel like ill never ba able to be a good role model for her because of what I put up with. I just feel defeated. Sorry if this is a ramble or not allowed. I just need help. I have along history of being abused. Sexually from a sibling for years. Emotionally abused when I came out about the trauma.And almost immediately after that I got into the worst relationship of my life and feel like I have to stay because he financially supported me. I feel in debt. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content
My partner had a tough childhood and doesn’t have much family. I want to get out of the relationship but I feel really guilty about it.
He’s currently upset that I’m not as affectionate or nice as I used to be and that I haven’t been for a while. That’s true because things have been very difficult between us. Instead of feeling in love - I see him as a threat. Even when I try not to. I keep having flashbacks of him yelling and waving a gun around.
He threatens suicide every time I bring up something I’m unhappy with. Especially if I say I want a break or to leave the relationship. He says I’m all he has and he understands why I can’t handle being with him because even his mom can’t deal with it.
I don’t want to leave him without anyone to turn to but I’m unhappy and tired of living waiting for the next blow up. We’ve been together for years and I financially support both of us right now. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content
My partner had a tough childhood and doesn’t have much family. I want to get out of the relationship but I feel really guilty about it.
He’s currently upset that I’m not as affectionate or nice as I used to be and that I haven’t been for a while. That’s true because things have been very difficult between us. Instead of feeling in love - I see him as a threat. Even when I try not to. I keep having flashbacks of him yelling and waving a gun around.
He threatens suicide every time I bring up something I’m unhappy with. Especially if I say I want a break or to leave the relationship. He says I’m all he has and he understands why I can’t handle being with him because even his mom can’t deal with it.
I don’t want to leave him without anyone to turn to but I’m unhappy and tired of living waiting for the next blow up. We’ve been together for years and I financially support both of us right now. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI don’t even know what to feel right to be honest but I’ll just explain my situation.
I recently just got out of a relationship that was only about 6 months long. I saw “red flags” very quickly into the relationship but I always thought, “oh well we are just getting acclimated to each other and building trust”. But the verbal and physical(?) abuse just continued.
He would say things such as...
“Why were you at the gym for an hour and half? Where were you?”
(Because I refused sex from him) “Do you touch yourself before I come over?” “Was someone here to do it?”
“Did you not get it out of your system?”
And so so so much more.
He was constantly accusing me of talking to other men or even doing drugs which I hardly even drink.
I would let him know how those things made me feel and he would try to manipulate the situation by saying that “he was allowed to ask questions” or “you acted like this, that’s why asked” or “I’m sorry YOU feel that way.
What I’m confused about is the physical aspect of it all...
He would grab my arms/legs/body while cuddling or sitting or just doing whatever and would squeeze so hard, that I had to tell him to stop. But I had to tell him to stop several times before he actually would let up. He bruised me almost every time he did so which was often. I showed him the bruises and told him he needed to lighten his grip. He didn’t.
On another occasion during sex, he began choking me (which I did not say I wanted). I couldn’t breath, I was pinned down, and I couldn’t talk either to tell him to stop. He got off soon after but I felt like I was going to pass out.
I’m just now realizing that this probably wasn’t okay? I knew that there was mental abuse but I’m trying to figure out my emotions when it comes to him being physical with me. I’m just not sure if it even was abuse and if it was, do I cry, scream, talk to someone?
I ended it just a few weeks ago and have been checking over my shoulder ever since because he is very unstable. I don’t think he’d do anything but I check to see if his car may be around and keep my blinds closed all the time. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI don’t even know what to feel right to be honest but I’ll just explain my situation.
I recently just got out of a relationship that was only about 6 months long. I saw “red flags” very quickly into the relationship but I always thought, “oh well we are just getting acclimated to each other and building trust”. But the verbal and physical(?) abuse just continued.
He would say things such as...
“Why were you at the gym for an hour and half? Where were you?”
(Because I refused sex from him) “Do you touch yourself before I come over?” “Was someone here to do it?”
“Did you not get it out of your system?”
And so so so much more.
He was constantly accusing me of talking to other men or even doing drugs which I hardly even drink.
I would let him know how those things made me feel and he would try to manipulate the situation by saying that “he was allowed to ask questions” or “you acted like this, that’s why asked” or “I’m sorry YOU feel that way.
What I’m confused about is the physical aspect of it all...
He would grab my arms/legs/body while cuddling or sitting or just doing whatever and would squeeze so hard, that I had to tell him to stop. But I had to tell him to stop several times before he actually would let up. He bruised me almost every time he did so which was often. I showed him the bruises and told him he needed to lighten his grip. He didn’t.
On another occasion during sex, he began choking me (which I did not say I wanted). I couldn’t breath, I was pinned down, and I couldn’t talk either to tell him to stop. He got off soon after but I felt like I was going to pass out.
I’m just now realizing that this probably wasn’t okay? I knew that there was mental abuse but I’m trying to figure out my emotions when it comes to him being physical with me. I’m just not sure if it even was abuse and if it was, do I cry, scream, talk to someone?
I ended it just a few weeks ago and have been checking over my shoulder ever since because he is very unstable. I don’t think he’d do anything but I check to see if his car may be around and keep my blinds closed all the time. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentFor context…I was granted a one year restraining order 2 years ago. Last month, I asked for a second one after the abuse escalated and the controlling behavior got to a point I couldn’t even drive to work without him on FaceTime. At work. Couldn’t shit with the door shut. Couldn’t go to bed when I wanted. He has been depriving me of sleep for years.
I was granted a 7 year restraining order this time. He tried to gaslight me and the judge, using my bipolar disorder against me. Said I was off my meds, that all he’s tried to do for 3 years was love me and I keep trying to leave him. The judge said she found me entirely credible and granted me that length of time.
Not two weeks later, he filed a motion to appeal. Pretty sure he got the idea from YouTube. He doesn’t make a lot, his family is poor, and he spends all his money on drugs.
I did respond to his motion with a picture of my face after he’d broken my nose in two places and just messed it up…I still had blood crusted on my mouth because it kept breaking open every time I opened it. I submitted the text from his mom (she never had anything to do with me except the last time I got an RO she convinced me to drop it. She did stay with us this past summer until he violently kicked her stuff down the stairs, got in her face, screamed at her, called her the c word. He’s vowed never to speak to her again-she really hasn’t had much to do with him either, so this was a violation of the RO), texts from him to my friends telling them I’m a liar and how he’s destroyed, how could I act this way after all we’ve been through. They’ve blocked him. I’m sure he’s texted many more that I don’t know about.
The hearing is on the same day as his status hearing-he was mandated to batterers counseling. He was super pissed about that.
I fear he’ll come after me. I actually am afraid he’s followed me home from work, although he’s been banned from here after he stormed in trying to drag me out the day I escaped with the dogs and what little I could carry.
Any words of advise or positively would be welcome. I don’t want to see his face again, and now I have to.
This man has said to me that he’d hit me so hard, I’d never wake up. Knocked me out several times. My dv counselor told me he’s been raping me after I told her I never wanted to be intimate with him-I would give in. If I didn’t, there would be a huge blow up. Often, there was anyways, because I wasn’t into it.
He has accused me of cheating every single day. Never let me out of his sight. Ever.
It has been exhausting.
Tell me it’ll be ok and she’ll make it permanent. This appeal is going before the same judge that granted the 7 year RO. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentFor context…I was granted a one year restraining order 2 years ago. Last month, I asked for a second one after the abuse escalated and the controlling behavior got to a point I couldn’t even drive to work without him on FaceTime. At work. Couldn’t shit with the door shut. Couldn’t go to bed when I wanted. He has been depriving me of sleep for years.
I was granted a 7 year restraining order this time. He tried to gaslight me and the judge, using my bipolar disorder against me. Said I was off my meds, that all he’s tried to do for 3 years was love me and I keep trying to leave him. The judge said she found me entirely credible and granted me that length of time.
Not two weeks later, he filed a motion to appeal. Pretty sure he got the idea from YouTube. He doesn’t make a lot, his family is poor, and he spends all his money on drugs.
I did respond to his motion with a picture of my face after he’d broken my nose in two places and just messed it up…I still had blood crusted on my mouth because it kept breaking open every time I opened it. I submitted the text from his mom (she never had anything to do with me except the last time I got an RO she convinced me to drop it. She did stay with us this past summer until he violently kicked her stuff down the stairs, got in her face, screamed at her, called her the c word. He’s vowed never to speak to her again-she really hasn’t had much to do with him either, so this was a violation of the RO), texts from him to my friends telling them I’m a liar and how he’s destroyed, how could I act this way after all we’ve been through. They’ve blocked him. I’m sure he’s texted many more that I don’t know about.
The hearing is on the same day as his status hearing-he was mandated to batterers counseling. He was super pissed about that.
I fear he’ll come after me. I actually am afraid he’s followed me home from work, although he’s been banned from here after he stormed in trying to drag me out the day I escaped with the dogs and what little I could carry.
Any words of advise or positively would be welcome. I don’t want to see his face again, and now I have to.
This man has said to me that he’d hit me so hard, I’d never wake up. Knocked me out several times. My dv counselor told me he’s been raping me after I told her I never wanted to be intimate with him-I would give in. If I didn’t, there would be a huge blow up. Often, there was anyways, because I wasn’t into it.
He has accused me of cheating every single day. Never let me out of his sight. Ever.
It has been exhausting.
Tell me it’ll be ok and she’ll make it permanent. This appeal is going before the same judge that granted the 7 year RO. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content15 months after we broke up, he came back. He sent a message on Christmas day saying he wanted to talk. I didn't respond, I only saw the message more than a week after, but 2 weeks after I did. We spoke over the phone and he said he hasn't moved on albeit trying so hard.
He saw therapists the whole time so he says he has changed, a different man and he wants to show me that changed man.
He apologized, saying he was disgusted to who he was, sincerely sorry for the pain he has caused, ashamed of what he did to me.
He said it was embarrassing that he only found out he needed help from the psychiatrist at his age (mid 30's), it felt naked having to tell them all, the family he was accustomed to was violent.
I said No. It's over.
Then I saw a Tinder account, two pictures are erotic sensual photos clearly taken off online, last photo was his body - no head. I was sure it was him because the moles, the stance, the background was undeniably him.
My fake profile matched with his. His profile wanted to see me in person. To hang out at some bar. After telling me I was the only person he wanted to be with, I was livid to find out about this.
He admitted it was his photo, but it was a photo he sent to someone 7 months ago. He denied it was his profile.
It was just chaotic. I am tired of the shitshow he creates and brings. I blocked him again, hurt again. I saw my therapist again.
Why does he keep coming back? Why does he make me feel in pain? Does he not want to just live a happy life, sans hurting somebody else's? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content15 months after we broke up, he came back. He sent a message on Christmas day saying he wanted to talk. I didn't respond, I only saw the message more than a week after, but 2 weeks after I did. We spoke over the phone and he said he hasn't moved on albeit trying so hard.
He saw therapists the whole time so he says he has changed, a different man and he wants to show me that changed man.
He apologized, saying he was disgusted to who he was, sincerely sorry for the pain he has caused, ashamed of what he did to me.
He said it was embarrassing that he only found out he needed help from the psychiatrist at his age (mid 30's), it felt naked having to tell them all, the family he was accustomed to was violent.
I said No. It's over.
Then I saw a Tinder account, two pictures are erotic sensual photos clearly taken off online, last photo was his body - no head. I was sure it was him because the moles, the stance, the background was undeniably him.
My fake profile matched with his. His profile wanted to see me in person. To hang out at some bar. After telling me I was the only person he wanted to be with, I was livid to find out about this.
He admitted it was his photo, but it was a photo he sent to someone 7 months ago. He denied it was his profile.
It was just chaotic. I am tired of the shitshow he creates and brings. I blocked him again, hurt again. I saw my therapist again.
Why does he keep coming back? Why does he make me feel in pain? Does he not want to just live a happy life, sans hurting somebody else's? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am so confused and hurt right now. My boyfriend and I just got in the nastiest fight which elevated to him saying terrible things about my character (many curse words and degrading comments, he called me an a\*\*\*\*\*, sociopath, narcissist, psychopath, and abuser).
My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 yr. He recently had to quit law school due to worsening health problems. I have chronic health issues too, and we are both partially disabled. Since then, he's taken up an extremely bad habit of gaming 7-12 hours a day and is in a terrible deep depression. He's been doing this for *\*months\**. I love him, he's nice to me most of the time, but this drives me crazy. Most often, we are sweet and kind to each other, having a nice time, but once a month (or so), he burts angry explosive insults at me that leave me emotionally *destroyed* and thinking terrible things about myself/my character for *days.*
Most recent fight: I don't have a lot of money but I bought an expensive ($1800) computer to edit videos (which I'm not doing much anymore). I let him use it 95% of the time (since his old computer broke) for the past 6 months. Occasionally, I want to use it to watch movies or TV shows because my old computer sucks and has no memory. I only use the new comp a few hours per week; every other waking hour of the day, every day, he's on it.
I used my new comp to watch a TV show to decompress after working on a research proposal when he was asleep. Within 5 minutes of him waking up, he asked for my computer so he could play games. I was on the season finale and wanted to finish. He wanted me to quit midway & give it to him. He said it was "unfair" of me to give it to him since I'd used it for several hours (when he was sleeping). I said that it was ridiculous that he was tallying time I used MY computer when HE was ASLEEP.
I suggested he do something else for 30 minutes while I finish the season finale, and offered to let him use my old computer to do whatever. He said my old computer is a "piece of c\*\*\*" and it can't do "what he *needs* to do" (play games). I pointed out that he didn't *need* to play. He said my use of the word "need" (that he didn't *NEED* to play games) was manipulative +disgusting because I took this statement "out of context" and was trying to "insult" him. He said that I was a "liar" for "twisting his words around" - that saying you don't *need* to play video games is "judgemental and manipulative".
I said it's unfair that I never get to use the computer that *I* paid for with *my* money.
This is when he **COMPLETELY** lost it. Suddenly, because I brought "money" into the equation (only in the context of my computer, nothing else), he started yelling and screaming at me, hurling every insult he could think of: a "financial abuser", wielding "power, money, and status" to manipulate &control him, being a "slithering slimy snake". He said it was DISGUSTING of me to mention money, and I was using resources and privilege to abuse him in a "sociopathic"/evil way. I was called a c\*\*\*, judgemental w\*\*\*\*, and that my actions come "straight out of the book of psychopathy". He said that I had intentionally hurt/insult him (I truly didn't intend to, I was stating what I thought was objective fact), and because of that, he admitted that he "WANTED to HURT me with words and insults". He said that unless I can "admit" to being a "disgusting manipulative a\*\*\*\*\*\*", then we are "OVER". If I didn't admit to it, then I was a "liar". So in other words, my only choices were to be a "liar" or an "a\*\*\*\*\*\*". Pinned into a corner, forced to admit to something I don't think I did. When I told him to stop fighting, that I cool down and stop verbally attacking me, he said "this isn't over". I told him I had a headache and went into the other room and he followed me, yelling at me, getting in my space.
I am now feeling extremely upset and wondering if I'm the "bad guy". He spent HOURS trying to convince me that I'm a psychological abuser, narcissist, liar, sociopath, and that I have MAJOR character problems/toxicity.. I'm starting to wonder if that's true. I've gone as far as watching youtube videos on psychopathy/sociopathy/financial abuse, trying to figure out if somehow he's right and I have been incredibly abusive somehow but completely unaware of my actions. I even offered to go to therapy to work on becoming "more aware" of my "toxicity" since I apparently am not understanding it. Right now, I'm 50% convinced that I'm a covert narcissist without ever knowing it. This is devastating to me. Because he attacks me like this so often, I've started recording our conversations and have been listening to them again trying to understand where I went wrong or how I lied. It's utterly confusing because in the recordings, I don't see what I did wrong, all I hear is him attacking me.
The next day, he apologized and said he didn't mean what he said (even though during the argument he said he meant it). But, he DOES still think I was a jerk for bringing up money. I told him that I am now extremely concerned about "being a narcissist", and to that, he responded that I have a "weak sense of identity", am "overly sensitive", and should stop bringing up water under the bridge. As far as he's concerned, that was "normal", he acts like nothing happened, and I AM the "pathological one" for not "letting go of the fight".
TL;DR: I am very concerned that I'm a covert narcissist without realizing it or that I'm toxic, as my boyfriend says many times during our fights. I don't understand how my behavior or comments are "toxic" but if I say one thing wrong that triggers him, he flips this anger switch and starts attacking me and assaulting my character, calling me a narcissist/sociopath/all sorts of terrible curse words. I'm confused beyond words and concerned that I've been a narcissist without realizing it. My head is spinning. Please help me understand what's going on. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am so confused and hurt right now. My boyfriend and I just got in the nastiest fight which elevated to him saying terrible things about my character (many curse words and degrading comments, he called me an a\*\*\*\*\*, sociopath, narcissist, psychopath, and abuser).
My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 yr. He recently had to quit law school due to worsening health problems. I have chronic health issues too, and we are both partially disabled. Since then, he's taken up an extremely bad habit of gaming 7-12 hours a day and is in a terrible deep depression. He's been doing this for *\*months\**. I love him, he's nice to me most of the time, but this drives me crazy. Most often, we are sweet and kind to each other, having a nice time, but once a month (or so), he burts angry explosive insults at me that leave me emotionally *destroyed* and thinking terrible things about myself/my character for *days.*
Most recent fight: I don't have a lot of money but I bought an expensive ($1800) computer to edit videos (which I'm not doing much anymore). I let him use it 95% of the time (since his old computer broke) for the past 6 months. Occasionally, I want to use it to watch movies or TV shows because my old computer sucks and has no memory. I only use the new comp a few hours per week; every other waking hour of the day, every day, he's on it.
I used my new comp to watch a TV show to decompress after working on a research proposal when he was asleep. Within 5 minutes of him waking up, he asked for my computer so he could play games. I was on the season finale and wanted to finish. He wanted me to quit midway & give it to him. He said it was "unfair" of me to give it to him since I'd used it for several hours (when he was sleeping). I said that it was ridiculous that he was tallying time I used MY computer when HE was ASLEEP.
I suggested he do something else for 30 minutes while I finish the season finale, and offered to let him use my old computer to do whatever. He said my old computer is a "piece of c\*\*\*" and it can't do "what he *needs* to do" (play games). I pointed out that he didn't *need* to play. He said my use of the word "need" (that he didn't *NEED* to play games) was manipulative +disgusting because I took this statement "out of context" and was trying to "insult" him. He said that I was a "liar" for "twisting his words around" - that saying you don't *need* to play video games is "judgemental and manipulative".
I said it's unfair that I never get to use the computer that *I* paid for with *my* money.
This is when he **COMPLETELY** lost it. Suddenly, because I brought "money" into the equation (only in the context of my computer, nothing else), he started yelling and screaming at me, hurling every insult he could think of: a "financial abuser", wielding "power, money, and status" to manipulate &control him, being a "slithering slimy snake". He said it was DISGUSTING of me to mention money, and I was using resources and privilege to abuse him in a "sociopathic"/evil way. I was called a c\*\*\*, judgemental w\*\*\*\*, and that my actions come "straight out of the book of psychopathy". He said that I had intentionally hurt/insult him (I truly didn't intend to, I was stating what I thought was objective fact), and because of that, he admitted that he "WANTED to HURT me with words and insults". He said that unless I can "admit" to being a "disgusting manipulative a\*\*\*\*\*\*", then we are "OVER". If I didn't admit to it, then I was a "liar". So in other words, my only choices were to be a "liar" or an "a\*\*\*\*\*\*". Pinned into a corner, forced to admit to something I don't think I did. When I told him to stop fighting, that I cool down and stop verbally attacking me, he said "this isn't over". I told him I had a headache and went into the other room and he followed me, yelling at me, getting in my space.
I am now feeling extremely upset and wondering if I'm the "bad guy". He spent HOURS trying to convince me that I'm a psychological abuser, narcissist, liar, sociopath, and that I have MAJOR character problems/toxicity.. I'm starting to wonder if that's true. I've gone as far as watching youtube videos on psychopathy/sociopathy/financial abuse, trying to figure out if somehow he's right and I have been incredibly abusive somehow but completely unaware of my actions. I even offered to go to therapy to work on becoming "more aware" of my "toxicity" since I apparently am not understanding it. Right now, I'm 50% convinced that I'm a covert narcissist without ever knowing it. This is devastating to me. Because he attacks me like this so often, I've started recording our conversations and have been listening to them again trying to understand where I went wrong or how I lied. It's utterly confusing because in the recordings, I don't see what I did wrong, all I hear is him attacking me.
The next day, he apologized and said he didn't mean what he said (even though during the argument he said he meant it). But, he DOES still think I was a jerk for bringing up money. I told him that I am now extremely concerned about "being a narcissist", and to that, he responded that I have a "weak sense of identity", am "overly sensitive", and should stop bringing up water under the bridge. As far as he's concerned, that was "normal", he acts like nothing happened, and I AM the "pathological one" for not "letting go of the fight".
TL;DR: I am very concerned that I'm a covert narcissist without realizing it or that I'm toxic, as my boyfriend says many times during our fights. I don't understand how my behavior or comments are "toxic" but if I say one thing wrong that triggers him, he flips this anger switch and starts attacking me and assaulting my character, calling me a narcissist/sociopath/all sorts of terrible curse words. I'm confused beyond words and concerned that I've been a narcissist without realizing it. My head is spinning. Please help me understand what's going on. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content
Possible TW - domestic violence.
My boyfriend of nearly 2 years is a good person who provides for me emotionally and physically. He is so sweet and extra loving. He has hobbies and he works really hard. Except when he drinks/drugs.
Ive known since the beginning that he does cocaine - and I believed him when he said it was occasional. I also know he binge drinks but it comes and goes in waves - or so I thought. Im starting to think he drinks at the gas station on his way home.
In July of 2020 we decided to move in because the pandemic and we were always together. We had been out drinking that night. I dont know what happened or triggered it but I took a video during the event im about to mention. (I have PTSD from my earlier life and black out traumatic events as a coping mechanism.) on the video i am hysterically crying and saying please stop while he screamed at me to get the fuck out and when I said something about S (his roommate who moved out that week -im sure by no coincidence) he said he doesnt give a fuck he will be as loud as he wants. There was a hole in the closet door when i woke up and the gun was not where it typically goes. I forgave him because i didnt remember it and i figured it must have been a fluke.
Ff to December of 2020. I found out i was pregnant. We did not know what to do. I told him i wasnt sure and he wasnt either. H was asking hat i wanted to eat from Uber Eats and i said i didnt know. He broke a metal broom over his knee and threw it at the floor and said “you dont know anything do you.” We decided to keep it, but i had a miscarriage.
Ff to April 2021. We share the same birthday and had just got back from pur birthday trip - which was lovely and we had no issues. We went to easter at my friends and then after we went out for a snacks. We ran into some coworker friends of his which prompted me to ask him why they lived in a shitty apt when I know how much they make and im sure they can agford better. I could have phrased it better but i was just asking, like maybe they have debt or maybe they have expensive hobbies. He started screaming at me in this super fancy restaurant. Everyone looked at me. I finished my food and went to find him at the car but the car was gone. I called an uber with only 3% battery and some random person gave me a cigarette while i waited. I got home but had no keys so i paid the uber driver to wait with me. My boyfriend showed up and i went inside the garage but he locked me in there. He left and went to a bar after throwing a house key at me.
Ff to 2 nights ago. He knockd over the coat rack on accident and it completely broke. I got upset (i shouldnt have) and he lost his mind. He started screaming at me and then threw a bottle of cleaning supplies at our brand new fridge and dented it. Which just hurts, i put my whole soul into making this a home and he just destroys it. So i got mad enough to call his dad.
He left And i told his mom and dad everything. The yelling, the throwing, the punching, the drugs and everything above. I was on the phone all night with his mom and both his mom and dad begged me to leave him and said he wouldn’t change. I almost did- i loaded my car with everything and my dogs and i almost left but the hotel that allows dogs had no availability so i came back. He came back the next morning with the most dead eyes, no soul in them. He told me he was at his drug dealers house all night.
I spent the whole day finding a veterans rehab with a bed that can take him. But he starts a new job in less than the length of the program so i dont think i can convince him. The job would be about 75% of our income and we live in a very expensive western city and that will be his excuse but if he doesnt go there arent many good options. He wont make it like this. Does anyone have a suggestion for me? Please be kind
Thank you for reading. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content
Possible TW - domestic violence.
My boyfriend of nearly 2 years is a good person who provides for me emotionally and physically. He is so sweet and extra loving. He has hobbies and he works really hard. Except when he drinks/drugs.
Ive known since the beginning that he does cocaine - and I believed him when he said it was occasional. I also know he binge drinks but it comes and goes in waves - or so I thought. Im starting to think he drinks at the gas station on his way home.
In July of 2020 we decided to move in because the pandemic and we were always together. We had been out drinking that night. I dont know what happened or triggered it but I took a video during the event im about to mention. (I have PTSD from my earlier life and black out traumatic events as a coping mechanism.) on the video i am hysterically crying and saying please stop while he screamed at me to get the fuck out and when I said something about S (his roommate who moved out that week -im sure by no coincidence) he said he doesnt give a fuck he will be as loud as he wants. There was a hole in the closet door when i woke up and the gun was not where it typically goes. I forgave him because i didnt remember it and i figured it must have been a fluke.
Ff to December of 2020. I found out i was pregnant. We did not know what to do. I told him i wasnt sure and he wasnt either. H was asking hat i wanted to eat from Uber Eats and i said i didnt know. He broke a metal broom over his knee and threw it at the floor and said “you dont know anything do you.” We decided to keep it, but i had a miscarriage.
Ff to April 2021. We share the same birthday and had just got back from pur birthday trip - which was lovely and we had no issues. We went to easter at my friends and then after we went out for a snacks. We ran into some coworker friends of his which prompted me to ask him why they lived in a shitty apt when I know how much they make and im sure they can agford better. I could have phrased it better but i was just asking, like maybe they have debt or maybe they have expensive hobbies. He started screaming at me in this super fancy restaurant. Everyone looked at me. I finished my food and went to find him at the car but the car was gone. I called an uber with only 3% battery and some random person gave me a cigarette while i waited. I got home but had no keys so i paid the uber driver to wait with me. My boyfriend showed up and i went inside the garage but he locked me in there. He left and went to a bar after throwing a house key at me.
Ff to 2 nights ago. He knockd over the coat rack on accident and it completely broke. I got upset (i shouldnt have) and he lost his mind. He started screaming at me and then threw a bottle of cleaning supplies at our brand new fridge and dented it. Which just hurts, i put my whole soul into making this a home and he just destroys it. So i got mad enough to call his dad.
He left And i told his mom and dad everything. The yelling, the throwing, the punching, the drugs and everything above. I was on the phone all night with his mom and both his mom and dad begged me to leave him and said he wouldn’t change. I almost did- i loaded my car with everything and my dogs and i almost left but the hotel that allows dogs had no availability so i came back. He came back the next morning with the most dead eyes, no soul in them. He told me he was at his drug dealers house all night.
I spent the whole day finding a veterans rehab with a bed that can take him. But he starts a new job in less than the length of the program so i dont think i can convince him. The job would be about 75% of our income and we live in a very expensive western city and that will be his excuse but if he doesnt go there arent many good options. He wont make it like this. Does anyone have a suggestion for me? Please be kind
Thank you for reading. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWhen I last saw him I really thought he is gonna kill me. He could have.
I got so scared that I made it impossible for him to try to get to me and convince me to forgive him and get back together.
It has been few months.
But I still miss him and the worst thing is that I know that if I would like to get back to him I most likely can.
Why do I keep missing a men who hurt me so much. ###Assistant:Wound assessment/record | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWhen I last saw him I really thought he is gonna kill me. He could have.
I got so scared that I made it impossible for him to try to get to me and convince me to forgive him and get back together.
It has been few months.
But I still miss him and the worst thing is that I know that if I would like to get back to him I most likely can.
Why do I keep missing a men who hurt me so much. [/INST] Wound assessment/record </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI need to go to another court date.
His lawyer pushed the date.
He’s not guilty.
Why is he pleading not guilty?
This makes me angry and upset!
And the court does not want to push the charges.
I dont wanna see him, I dont wanna go 😞
I want this to be over and done with, I wanna move on in my life. ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI need to go to another court date.
His lawyer pushed the date.
He’s not guilty.
Why is he pleading not guilty?
This makes me angry and upset!
And the court does not want to push the charges.
I dont wanna see him, I dont wanna go 😞
I want this to be over and done with, I wanna move on in my life. [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI just got of an abusive relationship,and it been a very hard time for me, and i seem like I can't see my future so i wanna know people who had been thought an abusive relationship, what happened to you after? How do u get thought it and how u manage to put your life back together? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI just got of an abusive relationship,and it been a very hard time for me, and i seem like I can't see my future so i wanna know people who had been thought an abusive relationship, what happened to you after? How do u get thought it and how u manage to put your life back together? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy 23yo son was at it again. He insults me, spat on me, calling me "dog" and more. He came into my room raging, spat and trashed my room. He threatened to break my things, laptop and other properties.
He went on from 12 to 4, not letting me rest. He threatened me with knife in hand and violates my privacy everyday.
I told him I'll ring the police and sought for an AVO, and he raged more. This on top of my depression, is not good for me. He often tells me to kill myself...
I know no one cares one little bit cause I guess I brought it onto myself for bringing him into this world. I so regret it!
Happy new year... hope this coming year will be better for all ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy 23yo son was at it again. He insults me, spat on me, calling me "dog" and more. He came into my room raging, spat and trashed my room. He threatened to break my things, laptop and other properties.
He went on from 12 to 4, not letting me rest. He threatened me with knife in hand and violates my privacy everyday.
I told him I'll ring the police and sought for an AVO, and he raged more. This on top of my depression, is not good for me. He often tells me to kill myself...
I know no one cares one little bit cause I guess I brought it onto myself for bringing him into this world. I so regret it!
Happy new year... hope this coming year will be better for all [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMe (20F) and my boyfriend (30M) have been together for 2,5 years now, living together for 2 years. I originally posted this on another page, but got send here. I'm sorry for some grammatical mistakes, my English isn't that great.
Just a little backstory, my boyfriend has always been a bit of an aggressive person, not really like fighting, but he gets mad pretty easily. He used scream at customer service people, whenever a company would made a mistake. It seems like he's taking these mistakes as some kind of personal issue. Since this gives some inconveniences in life, he started working on it and it actually got a lot better.
Lately my boyfriend and I have been fighting some more than we used to. Most fights are about pretty small things, like him always throwing his dirty laundry on the floor, instead of in the laundry basket. So when I tell him stuff like that bothers me, he says I'm his girlfriend and not his mom, so I shouldn't complain about things like that. This upsets me a little, because I'm not trying to complain, I just want to express to him that some of these things just bother me.
So skip to a couple of weeks ago, we had a big fight and we were both pretty mad. In fights I tend to go from mad to crying, when I realise that I don't want to fight. So I walked way and laid down on the bed to cry and calm down a bit. He walked right behind me and when I laid down, he started hitting me on the back of my head. After his fists hit my head a couple of times he left and I cried some more. Although my head did hurt for a week, it feels like it hurt me more mentally than it did physically. I tried to forgive him, but I'm just kind of scared of him now. Since that day I've been drinking a lot every day, because I'm just not able to proces it well.
Then this monday he actually told me I should leave, because he didn't want to be with me anymore, he got mad about me not wanting psychical contant in thse last weeks. After he said that, it seemed like he changed his mind and wants me to stay. So we decided to talk about everything that happened, which brings us to today. I told him that I'm not sure I'll be able to forgive him for hitting me, because it still hurts me a lot mentally. He said sorry for hitting me and told me he won't ever do it again and that he just lost control. I'm really unsure about what I should do, because I love him, but I'm just having a really hard time dealing with this mentally.
Does it get better and will the fear go away? Is it likely that he will do it again? Will I be able to forgive him in time?
I'm sorry if this isn't the right place for this post, I don't want to offend real victims of domestic abuse by posting my story here. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMe (20F) and my boyfriend (30M) have been together for 2,5 years now, living together for 2 years. I originally posted this on another page, but got send here. I'm sorry for some grammatical mistakes, my English isn't that great.
Just a little backstory, my boyfriend has always been a bit of an aggressive person, not really like fighting, but he gets mad pretty easily. He used scream at customer service people, whenever a company would made a mistake. It seems like he's taking these mistakes as some kind of personal issue. Since this gives some inconveniences in life, he started working on it and it actually got a lot better.
Lately my boyfriend and I have been fighting some more than we used to. Most fights are about pretty small things, like him always throwing his dirty laundry on the floor, instead of in the laundry basket. So when I tell him stuff like that bothers me, he says I'm his girlfriend and not his mom, so I shouldn't complain about things like that. This upsets me a little, because I'm not trying to complain, I just want to express to him that some of these things just bother me.
So skip to a couple of weeks ago, we had a big fight and we were both pretty mad. In fights I tend to go from mad to crying, when I realise that I don't want to fight. So I walked way and laid down on the bed to cry and calm down a bit. He walked right behind me and when I laid down, he started hitting me on the back of my head. After his fists hit my head a couple of times he left and I cried some more. Although my head did hurt for a week, it feels like it hurt me more mentally than it did physically. I tried to forgive him, but I'm just kind of scared of him now. Since that day I've been drinking a lot every day, because I'm just not able to proces it well.
Then this monday he actually told me I should leave, because he didn't want to be with me anymore, he got mad about me not wanting psychical contant in thse last weeks. After he said that, it seemed like he changed his mind and wants me to stay. So we decided to talk about everything that happened, which brings us to today. I told him that I'm not sure I'll be able to forgive him for hitting me, because it still hurts me a lot mentally. He said sorry for hitting me and told me he won't ever do it again and that he just lost control. I'm really unsure about what I should do, because I love him, but I'm just having a really hard time dealing with this mentally.
Does it get better and will the fear go away? Is it likely that he will do it again? Will I be able to forgive him in time?
I'm sorry if this isn't the right place for this post, I don't want to offend real victims of domestic abuse by posting my story here. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content(Lengthy) I’m 23 and my bf is 30. We met a year ago, started dating in august and in a relationship January. A couple of days before Valentine’s Day he blacked out on alcohol and attacked me. I explained in another sub the details of the incident. He left me with broken and bleeding nails, bruised back from pushing me down multiple times, punched me, pulled my hair and prevented me from leaving his apartment. The police showed up but we didn’t answer. Once they left he held a knife to his neck threatening to kill himself if I walk out. He tried to get to his safe where I assume there was a gun. I wouldn’t allow him to get to it because I was terrified. I stayed with him for the night because I couldn’t go home to my family in the condition I was in. The next day he blamed everything on the alcohol and begged me not to leave him. That he loves me and I’m his everything. If I leave I’ll be taking everything away from him. He began to lovebomb me with gifts and treats. Ever since this happened I emotionally checked out. he begged me for another chance. He blew up my phone and showed up to my house unannounced begging to make things right, so I gave in. A couple of weeks past and during an argument I brought up his abuse and he said “how long are you gonna hold that against me?? You know that wasn’t me it was the alcohol”. It has only been two weeks and he expected me to forgive and forget before my wounds were healed. I told him he’s has an addiction and all he did was deflect to the only time I got sick from drinking, compared to the multiple times I took care of his drunk ass. I never met anyone who mixes Taylor port and Hennessy everyday all day and swear they don’t have a drinking problem. It was so disgusting to watch him drink. He didn’t understand why I wouldn’t talk much or have sex with him. He thought I was torturing him for no reason.
A few weeks ago my mom got terribly sick and I was stressed out. I wouldn’t answer his calls as I was busy taking care of stuff. He sent me an angry text and said “you act like I’m the one who got your mom sick”. Idk what is was about that one phrase that sent me through the roof. I told him we’re over and to leave me alone. Of course he showed up to my house unannounced and brought me a bag full of candy and a bunch of apologies. We had a short conversation when he realized I was serious he snatch the bag and threw it into traffic. He called me the next day asking if this is what I really want. He sent threatening text messages and says he has enough money to run if he does dirt. Yesterday he said it’s not over unless HE says it’s over. He really believes this relationship is able to be salvaged. He wants to talk to me in person but I refuse to because I’m scared. I’m exhausted and I’m not sure what else he is capable of. Especially since I’ve only started to get to know him a few months ago. I told him I won’t press charges but if it gets to that point I will have no other choice but to. I have not told anybody except Reddit smh. I’ve never endured anything like this. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content(Lengthy) I’m 23 and my bf is 30. We met a year ago, started dating in august and in a relationship January. A couple of days before Valentine’s Day he blacked out on alcohol and attacked me. I explained in another sub the details of the incident. He left me with broken and bleeding nails, bruised back from pushing me down multiple times, punched me, pulled my hair and prevented me from leaving his apartment. The police showed up but we didn’t answer. Once they left he held a knife to his neck threatening to kill himself if I walk out. He tried to get to his safe where I assume there was a gun. I wouldn’t allow him to get to it because I was terrified. I stayed with him for the night because I couldn’t go home to my family in the condition I was in. The next day he blamed everything on the alcohol and begged me not to leave him. That he loves me and I’m his everything. If I leave I’ll be taking everything away from him. He began to lovebomb me with gifts and treats. Ever since this happened I emotionally checked out. he begged me for another chance. He blew up my phone and showed up to my house unannounced begging to make things right, so I gave in. A couple of weeks past and during an argument I brought up his abuse and he said “how long are you gonna hold that against me?? You know that wasn’t me it was the alcohol”. It has only been two weeks and he expected me to forgive and forget before my wounds were healed. I told him he’s has an addiction and all he did was deflect to the only time I got sick from drinking, compared to the multiple times I took care of his drunk ass. I never met anyone who mixes Taylor port and Hennessy everyday all day and swear they don’t have a drinking problem. It was so disgusting to watch him drink. He didn’t understand why I wouldn’t talk much or have sex with him. He thought I was torturing him for no reason.
A few weeks ago my mom got terribly sick and I was stressed out. I wouldn’t answer his calls as I was busy taking care of stuff. He sent me an angry text and said “you act like I’m the one who got your mom sick”. Idk what is was about that one phrase that sent me through the roof. I told him we’re over and to leave me alone. Of course he showed up to my house unannounced and brought me a bag full of candy and a bunch of apologies. We had a short conversation when he realized I was serious he snatch the bag and threw it into traffic. He called me the next day asking if this is what I really want. He sent threatening text messages and says he has enough money to run if he does dirt. Yesterday he said it’s not over unless HE says it’s over. He really believes this relationship is able to be salvaged. He wants to talk to me in person but I refuse to because I’m scared. I’m exhausted and I’m not sure what else he is capable of. Especially since I’ve only started to get to know him a few months ago. I told him I won’t press charges but if it gets to that point I will have no other choice but to. I have not told anybody except Reddit smh. I’ve never endured anything like this. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThis is my first time coming to the internet for advice . i feel like i have no where else to turn to for support or any advice without feeling like a burden ... I moved in with my boyfriend and its been great im starting the new year off well. He takes me everywhere since i dont know how to drive. Im trying to learn but he hardly teaches me . he says hes going to so that i can save money and not have to go to driving school . but still i havent learned anything. I wokeup him up this morning because he needed to take me to my doctors appointment. I tried waking him up by kissing him and gently rubbing his shoulder and he wouldn't move (hes a heavy sleeper) i told him wakeup you have to take me to my appointment so hes getting dressed and the whole time hes cursing and complaining about how hes tired of driving me everywhere. So i say okay fine ill just take an Uber. and i walk away and he rushes towards me and slaps the shit out of me !! And says you just woke me up made me get ready for nothing ?! I was so hurt i left the house and called my ride . i have a bruise on my cheek and my doctor asked me about it . i told her and she asked me if i wanted to make a report and i said . i dont know what to do . i feel like this was my fault.. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThis is my first time coming to the internet for advice . i feel like i have no where else to turn to for support or any advice without feeling like a burden ... I moved in with my boyfriend and its been great im starting the new year off well. He takes me everywhere since i dont know how to drive. Im trying to learn but he hardly teaches me . he says hes going to so that i can save money and not have to go to driving school . but still i havent learned anything. I wokeup him up this morning because he needed to take me to my doctors appointment. I tried waking him up by kissing him and gently rubbing his shoulder and he wouldn't move (hes a heavy sleeper) i told him wakeup you have to take me to my appointment so hes getting dressed and the whole time hes cursing and complaining about how hes tired of driving me everywhere. So i say okay fine ill just take an Uber. and i walk away and he rushes towards me and slaps the shit out of me !! And says you just woke me up made me get ready for nothing ?! I was so hurt i left the house and called my ride . i have a bruise on my cheek and my doctor asked me about it . i told her and she asked me if i wanted to make a report and i said . i dont know what to do . i feel like this was my fault.. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI'm unsure if this is the right place to ask, and I feel stupid asking the internet for help. But I can't stand it. I'll keep this short, here goes.
My older sister threatens to throw things at me. And sometimes, she actually does. This has been happening since we were kids. I can't pinpoint exactly what's wrong or what makes her do it. Here is my attempt at explaining the situation:
When I tell the truth, she always says I'm lying and denies that I'm being truthful. She keeps saying she's right and I'm wrong. If i speak against that or explains, she gets angry. And says that because she's older I should never talk back. I find this obnoxious. Then it suddenly escalates. She starts threatening to throw things at me if I keep "talking back" (i.e. explaining, mere sounds, even apologizing is talking back). So I shut up and let her lecture me about why I'm such a bad person and about the situation.
And it doesn't stop there. After all that she asks a question, for example, "do you understand?". If i answer silence she gets angry. If i don't give her an answer she likes, she gets angry. If i do tell her what she wants to hear, then she finally stops. And expects that i will still obey her orders since im younger.
Is this a normal sibling interaction? Or am i just screwed up like my sister says i am? I can delete this post if it sounds dumb. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI'm unsure if this is the right place to ask, and I feel stupid asking the internet for help. But I can't stand it. I'll keep this short, here goes.
My older sister threatens to throw things at me. And sometimes, she actually does. This has been happening since we were kids. I can't pinpoint exactly what's wrong or what makes her do it. Here is my attempt at explaining the situation:
When I tell the truth, she always says I'm lying and denies that I'm being truthful. She keeps saying she's right and I'm wrong. If i speak against that or explains, she gets angry. And says that because she's older I should never talk back. I find this obnoxious. Then it suddenly escalates. She starts threatening to throw things at me if I keep "talking back" (i.e. explaining, mere sounds, even apologizing is talking back). So I shut up and let her lecture me about why I'm such a bad person and about the situation.
And it doesn't stop there. After all that she asks a question, for example, "do you understand?". If i answer silence she gets angry. If i don't give her an answer she likes, she gets angry. If i do tell her what she wants to hear, then she finally stops. And expects that i will still obey her orders since im younger.
Is this a normal sibling interaction? Or am i just screwed up like my sister says i am? I can delete this post if it sounds dumb. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI'll try to make this quick: had to make an emergency move out of state and broke up with my narcissistic ex almost a year ago because his abuse escalated from emotional and financial to sexual and physical. He has verbally threatened to kill me before if I was with anyone else and also put his hands on my neck while enraged.
I have been completely no-contact since September of last year. The line of communication is 'open' on his part as I have no physical evidence of his assaults and he's dangerous so I try to stay safe in case he threatens me again. Over the course of the last several months, he has:
Sent me multiple, very long paragraphs of texts trying to win me back including unsolicited flight offers
Sent me unsolicited videos of him >! masturbating to me!<
Sent me erotica he wrote about >!raping!< me
Sent 11 gifts from a wishlist I gave him years ago to my parents address which is in the state I moved to
Moved to a house in the area where I grew up. I kid you not, it is only a couple of blocks away from the high school I attended (we met shortly before I graduated)
When he told me he moved to that neighborhood, I knew it was manipulative since he never wanted to be there when we were together, but I didn't know just how close it is to places I used to frequent constantly. If I were to ever visit again, the possibility of him seeing me is now extremely high.
My family, current partner, and I all thought his behavior and obsession (fam only knows about the repeated texts and gifts) would decrease because that's what's supposed to typically happen with a narc. This is far beyond normal narc behavior.
He texted me the other day saying he "found" a few more of my belongings during his move and sent it over to my parents address again. It came last night. In the package was my perfume that he kept the entire time, some clothes, gummies, and most importantly
**A 10-page letter.**
In the letter he states: "I know for a fact that deep down inside you still have feelings for me," **"I would do almost anything to be your lover again,"** and "Even though you're not here, this place is "OUR" home. If you ever start missing home, feel free to come back." He very clearly detailed where the house is, which is now confirmed like I said to be right by my old high school.
He is going on 54 and I just turned 22. By definition his behavior seems to be stalking (repeatedly making unwanted contact, harassing, etc.) but it's also apparently non-criminal: "Non-criminal behavior could include sending letters, delivering unwanted gifts, or making phone calls to the victim. These behaviors are considered stalking when the victim feels they are threatened and are fearful."
He seems to be a rejected stalker subtype and apparently they typically escalate to being violent and trying to enact revenge as their attempts continuously fail, but I'm also scared that he'll retaliate if he gets sent an RO. Am I overreacting? I just don't know anymore.
And yes if it isn't obvious already, I've tried all of the "obvious" things like telling him to stop. I'm sure you guys know how well that goes with these types of abusers though. ###Assistant:Safety planning | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI'll try to make this quick: had to make an emergency move out of state and broke up with my narcissistic ex almost a year ago because his abuse escalated from emotional and financial to sexual and physical. He has verbally threatened to kill me before if I was with anyone else and also put his hands on my neck while enraged.
I have been completely no-contact since September of last year. The line of communication is 'open' on his part as I have no physical evidence of his assaults and he's dangerous so I try to stay safe in case he threatens me again. Over the course of the last several months, he has:
Sent me multiple, very long paragraphs of texts trying to win me back including unsolicited flight offers
Sent me unsolicited videos of him >! masturbating to me!<
Sent me erotica he wrote about >!raping!< me
Sent 11 gifts from a wishlist I gave him years ago to my parents address which is in the state I moved to
Moved to a house in the area where I grew up. I kid you not, it is only a couple of blocks away from the high school I attended (we met shortly before I graduated)
When he told me he moved to that neighborhood, I knew it was manipulative since he never wanted to be there when we were together, but I didn't know just how close it is to places I used to frequent constantly. If I were to ever visit again, the possibility of him seeing me is now extremely high.
My family, current partner, and I all thought his behavior and obsession (fam only knows about the repeated texts and gifts) would decrease because that's what's supposed to typically happen with a narc. This is far beyond normal narc behavior.
He texted me the other day saying he "found" a few more of my belongings during his move and sent it over to my parents address again. It came last night. In the package was my perfume that he kept the entire time, some clothes, gummies, and most importantly
**A 10-page letter.**
In the letter he states: "I know for a fact that deep down inside you still have feelings for me," **"I would do almost anything to be your lover again,"** and "Even though you're not here, this place is "OUR" home. If you ever start missing home, feel free to come back." He very clearly detailed where the house is, which is now confirmed like I said to be right by my old high school.
He is going on 54 and I just turned 22. By definition his behavior seems to be stalking (repeatedly making unwanted contact, harassing, etc.) but it's also apparently non-criminal: "Non-criminal behavior could include sending letters, delivering unwanted gifts, or making phone calls to the victim. These behaviors are considered stalking when the victim feels they are threatened and are fearful."
He seems to be a rejected stalker subtype and apparently they typically escalate to being violent and trying to enact revenge as their attempts continuously fail, but I'm also scared that he'll retaliate if he gets sent an RO. Am I overreacting? I just don't know anymore.
And yes if it isn't obvious already, I've tried all of the "obvious" things like telling him to stop. I'm sure you guys know how well that goes with these types of abusers though. [/INST] Safety planning </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content*tw- violence
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
I was in a short-lived relationship that ended in a violent episode where my x choked me twice before leaving, once resulting in my passing out. After the episode he left and unknown to me, filed a police report claiming we had a fight but stating he wasn’t injured and didn’t want to file charges or do anything. The officer noted he wasn’t injured. In my state, if he was, they would have immediately come to at least talk to me and probably arrest me. Nothing happened and I wasn’t even aware until 5 days later that he had taken any action. At the time, I was stunned and in shock that this person had tried to kill me and it took me awhile to process the gravity of it so I didn’t immediately file charges. I went to three intense trauma therapy sessions in the span of five days to try to process it. My x had been staying in my home and had some expensive items delivered after the incident so on the advice of some lawyer friends I reached out to him to let him know these items had arrived. He never answered me over the weekend and the following Monday went to family court to file for a temporary order of protection. In my state anyone and everyone can be granted a TOP.
The order was complete fabrication where he contradicts his own report that he made with the police. When I was served the sheriffs advised me to go and file criminal charges, as I was bruised and visibly injured. So I did. The fact that he’d make such grandiose false claims made me incredibly fearful of him and what he was capable of. I felt like I was dealing w a true sociopath. The results of these actions are that there’s a criminal trial again him and a civil action against me.
So now the civil trial is coming to a head. Given that he’s a defendant in a criminal case, everyone expected him to let the family court order against me expire because having him testify to a fabricated story on the record can and will be used against him in criminal court. I have an attorney who has met with his “victim” advocate multiple times and while she agrees with my attorney that this was filed to try to intimidate me and because abusers try to blame-shift, she can’t compel him to not to force a trial. So a trial in this family case awaits me and a criminal trial in the charges I filed probably also awaits me.
I haven’t seen him since the incident. The trial will be on zoom but despite this, I am terrified. Truly terrified. He’s coming out with these clearly doctored photos claiming injuries and I will have to relive that day in his presence again in order to refute his nonsense claims. I will have to sit there and not react to obvious lies and fabrications. I will have to try to remain calm as this person who tried to kill me lies repeatedly. I will have to contain my fear so I can speak my truth. And I think he will enjoy seeing how terrified I am. I truly do. And I think seeing me will increase his obsession with me when all I want is for him to forget I ever existed.
I’m not really looking for advice. This person tried to kill me over a very short relationship ending. I guess I just want to say that this is why victims don’t come forward— the pure terror of having to relive the terrible incident over again, having to be non reactive to false claims made by someone who tried to end your life, having to deal with a legal system that allows this shit to go on. Having to deal him potentially winning in a court where the burden of proof is much lower and him reigniting his feelings about me. I understand why anyone and everyone should be able to file for these orders. But this tactic by abusers to try to paint themselves as victims is disgusting and should warrant criminal consequences in order to deter them. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content*tw- violence
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
I was in a short-lived relationship that ended in a violent episode where my x choked me twice before leaving, once resulting in my passing out. After the episode he left and unknown to me, filed a police report claiming we had a fight but stating he wasn’t injured and didn’t want to file charges or do anything. The officer noted he wasn’t injured. In my state, if he was, they would have immediately come to at least talk to me and probably arrest me. Nothing happened and I wasn’t even aware until 5 days later that he had taken any action. At the time, I was stunned and in shock that this person had tried to kill me and it took me awhile to process the gravity of it so I didn’t immediately file charges. I went to three intense trauma therapy sessions in the span of five days to try to process it. My x had been staying in my home and had some expensive items delivered after the incident so on the advice of some lawyer friends I reached out to him to let him know these items had arrived. He never answered me over the weekend and the following Monday went to family court to file for a temporary order of protection. In my state anyone and everyone can be granted a TOP.
The order was complete fabrication where he contradicts his own report that he made with the police. When I was served the sheriffs advised me to go and file criminal charges, as I was bruised and visibly injured. So I did. The fact that he’d make such grandiose false claims made me incredibly fearful of him and what he was capable of. I felt like I was dealing w a true sociopath. The results of these actions are that there’s a criminal trial again him and a civil action against me.
So now the civil trial is coming to a head. Given that he’s a defendant in a criminal case, everyone expected him to let the family court order against me expire because having him testify to a fabricated story on the record can and will be used against him in criminal court. I have an attorney who has met with his “victim” advocate multiple times and while she agrees with my attorney that this was filed to try to intimidate me and because abusers try to blame-shift, she can’t compel him to not to force a trial. So a trial in this family case awaits me and a criminal trial in the charges I filed probably also awaits me.
I haven’t seen him since the incident. The trial will be on zoom but despite this, I am terrified. Truly terrified. He’s coming out with these clearly doctored photos claiming injuries and I will have to relive that day in his presence again in order to refute his nonsense claims. I will have to sit there and not react to obvious lies and fabrications. I will have to try to remain calm as this person who tried to kill me lies repeatedly. I will have to contain my fear so I can speak my truth. And I think he will enjoy seeing how terrified I am. I truly do. And I think seeing me will increase his obsession with me when all I want is for him to forget I ever existed.
I’m not really looking for advice. This person tried to kill me over a very short relationship ending. I guess I just want to say that this is why victims don’t come forward— the pure terror of having to relive the terrible incident over again, having to be non reactive to false claims made by someone who tried to end your life, having to deal with a legal system that allows this shit to go on. Having to deal him potentially winning in a court where the burden of proof is much lower and him reigniting his feelings about me. I understand why anyone and everyone should be able to file for these orders. But this tactic by abusers to try to paint themselves as victims is disgusting and should warrant criminal consequences in order to deter them. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI went to the police today after my ex slammed me to the ground and put me in a choke hold, leaving me with swollen/bruised face, knees, legs, and hands. They told me because there was no “verbal threat” they couldn’t do anything… ###Assistant:Police | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI went to the police today after my ex slammed me to the ground and put me in a choke hold, leaving me with swollen/bruised face, knees, legs, and hands. They told me because there was no “verbal threat” they couldn’t do anything… [/INST] Police </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHow to forgive self for living what u lived.
For not asking for help when needed.
How to live now, knowing that u experienced severe domestic abuse?
How do you internally apologize self for what put self in? ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHow to forgive self for living what u lived.
For not asking for help when needed.
How to live now, knowing that u experienced severe domestic abuse?
How do you internally apologize self for what put self in? [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentLooking for advice I think? I have two friends who have been dating. One just came out publicly sharing that the other had been physically violent on a drunken occasion. Heartbreaking, absolutely staggering shock that I would never expect in a million years. I definitely thought these two were in it to win it, too. Now, everything is broken.
Person B, the aggressor, is a longtime dear friend who is incredibly gentle, kind, patient, and one of the most decent (historically) humans I've ever met so this was definitely shocking.
Person A, the victim, is someone I am friends with through the relationship and do really enjoy.
I feel SO bewildered, confused and sad in general bc fuck the fact that this shit happens, DV is a horrible horrendous thing. I also feel icky bc upon reaching out to Person B to see what happened but keeping it more to a 'did you break up?' question, they said that THEY feel unsafe and to stop talking to Person A.
So now my head is spinning - I'm wondering, is Person B being manipulative now, trying to get me and others on their side? How can I not believe Person A, the victim? I make it a rule to trust the victim, ALWAYS, you just have to. I can only imagine that someone who is abusive would try to hide it and/or would pin it on the other person by calling them unstable.
At this point I just don't know how to handle moving forward. I offered my support to person A in the form of listening, offering to help them move, hang out and talk, boxes, etc. If they leave town, then I'll only be in town with Person B the aggressor. Where do we go from here? I can't NOT hold someone accountable for that, but also did it happen? And again how can I deny anyone. 99% of me trusts that this happened, painstaking as it is, and that my friend must have this tragic dark side when belligerently drunk that I haven't seen before, and 1% of me wonders if Person A is telling the full truth based on the way they shared this info? But why would they make that up? What would the benefit be? I am so disturbed that my friend could do this to someone, that they could do it and then not own up to it. It's heartbreaking. PS the victim added that they also made a violent move toward their aggressor, so in their words they felt they were also at fault, but I think that is, like, textbook victim guilt where they think self defense is something to feel bad about? I really don't know but if anyone has advice for what they would do in this situation, I'll be grateful. I sincerely hope this post is not triggering in any way, my heart is with anyone who is a victim of DV <3 ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentLooking for advice I think? I have two friends who have been dating. One just came out publicly sharing that the other had been physically violent on a drunken occasion. Heartbreaking, absolutely staggering shock that I would never expect in a million years. I definitely thought these two were in it to win it, too. Now, everything is broken.
Person B, the aggressor, is a longtime dear friend who is incredibly gentle, kind, patient, and one of the most decent (historically) humans I've ever met so this was definitely shocking.
Person A, the victim, is someone I am friends with through the relationship and do really enjoy.
I feel SO bewildered, confused and sad in general bc fuck the fact that this shit happens, DV is a horrible horrendous thing. I also feel icky bc upon reaching out to Person B to see what happened but keeping it more to a 'did you break up?' question, they said that THEY feel unsafe and to stop talking to Person A.
So now my head is spinning - I'm wondering, is Person B being manipulative now, trying to get me and others on their side? How can I not believe Person A, the victim? I make it a rule to trust the victim, ALWAYS, you just have to. I can only imagine that someone who is abusive would try to hide it and/or would pin it on the other person by calling them unstable.
At this point I just don't know how to handle moving forward. I offered my support to person A in the form of listening, offering to help them move, hang out and talk, boxes, etc. If they leave town, then I'll only be in town with Person B the aggressor. Where do we go from here? I can't NOT hold someone accountable for that, but also did it happen? And again how can I deny anyone. 99% of me trusts that this happened, painstaking as it is, and that my friend must have this tragic dark side when belligerently drunk that I haven't seen before, and 1% of me wonders if Person A is telling the full truth based on the way they shared this info? But why would they make that up? What would the benefit be? I am so disturbed that my friend could do this to someone, that they could do it and then not own up to it. It's heartbreaking. PS the victim added that they also made a violent move toward their aggressor, so in their words they felt they were also at fault, but I think that is, like, textbook victim guilt where they think self defense is something to feel bad about? I really don't know but if anyone has advice for what they would do in this situation, I'll be grateful. I sincerely hope this post is not triggering in any way, my heart is with anyone who is a victim of DV <3 [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWe got married in 2020 after 3 months of dating (now, I can recognize some of the red flags, in hindsight) he "love-bombed" me for straight up 7 months. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world, but when we started having financial issues along with other ones, he started being malevolent to me. Emotional, verbal, and physical abuse took place. My friends called the cops on him and he went to jail for one night. After he came out, he went broke, financially to hire lawyers, etc. There were orders of protection in place and other no-contact orders from the military (he works in the military) so we couldn't have a clear conversation and every time we tried some sort of third-party communication thing, everything went left. Now, he's vindictive, he deleted all of my pictures from his social media, hates my guts, is back with his ex, and had some other woman harrass me online.
I, on the other hand, can't seem to move on. I spent most of my time romanticizing our broken marriage, thinking that we're still lovers (I know), hating myself for wanting him back, hating him for ruining everything, being scared that he's going to harm me as soon as the order of protection is lifted. Despite all of that, I filed for divorce because he wasn't doing anything; he was just keeping me in a limbo.
Why do I still have feelings for him? Why do I want him back? Why can't I just move on? Why do I blame myself for my marriage falling apart? ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWe got married in 2020 after 3 months of dating (now, I can recognize some of the red flags, in hindsight) he "love-bombed" me for straight up 7 months. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world, but when we started having financial issues along with other ones, he started being malevolent to me. Emotional, verbal, and physical abuse took place. My friends called the cops on him and he went to jail for one night. After he came out, he went broke, financially to hire lawyers, etc. There were orders of protection in place and other no-contact orders from the military (he works in the military) so we couldn't have a clear conversation and every time we tried some sort of third-party communication thing, everything went left. Now, he's vindictive, he deleted all of my pictures from his social media, hates my guts, is back with his ex, and had some other woman harrass me online.
I, on the other hand, can't seem to move on. I spent most of my time romanticizing our broken marriage, thinking that we're still lovers (I know), hating myself for wanting him back, hating him for ruining everything, being scared that he's going to harm me as soon as the order of protection is lifted. Despite all of that, I filed for divorce because he wasn't doing anything; he was just keeping me in a limbo.
Why do I still have feelings for him? Why do I want him back? Why can't I just move on? Why do I blame myself for my marriage falling apart? [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo, I've been considering for a while to grab money from our joint account & run if I find somewhere safe to go. I have 2 kids and no car so it's not easy. I'm not worried about him having no funds. He works at the Gigafactory & is well off. But he always goes on about how it's HIS money. Especially when I want or NEED to buy my first child anything. He does not like her at all.
Should I create my own secret account?
How much will the bank let me take or move?
Is this even possible?
I can't keep living like this with someone who hates my daughter & I. But only loves his own kid.
Thanks in advance
My husband is 36
I am 28 ~Nonbinary
Oldest daughter is 8
Youngest is 5 ###Assistant:Finance | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo, I've been considering for a while to grab money from our joint account & run if I find somewhere safe to go. I have 2 kids and no car so it's not easy. I'm not worried about him having no funds. He works at the Gigafactory & is well off. But he always goes on about how it's HIS money. Especially when I want or NEED to buy my first child anything. He does not like her at all.
Should I create my own secret account?
How much will the bank let me take or move?
Is this even possible?
I can't keep living like this with someone who hates my daughter & I. But only loves his own kid.
Thanks in advance
My husband is 36
I am 28 ~Nonbinary
Oldest daughter is 8
Youngest is 5 [/INST] Finance </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt is 💜 I’m really going through it right now and may need to get legal representation , I’ve been put in a really bad situation , and without his cooperation , of giving me back what is mine , I’ll have a real fight ahead of me either way … I’m starting to write everything on sheets of white paper gone thru about ten filling up , some of the highlights holding my hostage in my car before work unless I gave him my cell phone , I was late, insult to injury… went into my tablet that was linked to my accounts changed my passwords , and the account settings so that I couldn’t access them , took pictures that he stole off my phone sent them to himself , showed people ( I was naked and they weren’t for him nor did I know they were on there from like years ago )we live on the water , threw that tablet in the ocean , obviously never replaced it , another promise along with the last three months I’ve been paying our entire rent and every luxury like toilet paper and deodorant, never going with our anything
He’s in my opinion , a deep adderal psychosis , has visual and auditory hallucinations , what has come along with that is multiple personalities , one of them is the one that convinced me to stay and the other shines a flashlight in my eyes at night until morning talking to themselves tearing our house apart , speaking just loud enough hours straight so that , with headphones in at the loudest volume I can still hear him
He has separated parents , one of which just bought a house with 4 extra bedrooms , and the mother owns property that she’d let him like in rent free , the problem now is he flips the script , just today it’s changed a few times and he now wants the apartment since it was his originally , and his dad co-signed , yet I’ve been paying the past few months myself
This is just a portion of the pages I’ve written but I’ve been the only one working , when I would be out he’d harass me to no end , so I stopped even bothering besides work and driving my epileptic mother around , so I’ve been funding my very own personalized hell and now have no money , and he’s made promises of months to pay me , I’ve met his mother and father , the father will take care of me i know that but I feel he owes me more than just the rent I paid for us , for all that I’ve been thru and I thought I was “investing” that money.
but that’s not even everything , it floods my brain now that I deal with it but I can’t put enough emphasis on the conditioning , love-bombing, gaslighting and absolute torture and harassment , I can’t make sense of it and what to do
So I guess my question is how do I go about proving that he tortured me . I have friends who saved voicemails and texts of me crying expressing at those moments where I was and actually told someone . He’d threaten me in every which way so that I didn’t tell people it was happening . I’m very scared. ###Assistant:DV report procedure/Documentation | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt is 💜 I’m really going through it right now and may need to get legal representation , I’ve been put in a really bad situation , and without his cooperation , of giving me back what is mine , I’ll have a real fight ahead of me either way … I’m starting to write everything on sheets of white paper gone thru about ten filling up , some of the highlights holding my hostage in my car before work unless I gave him my cell phone , I was late, insult to injury… went into my tablet that was linked to my accounts changed my passwords , and the account settings so that I couldn’t access them , took pictures that he stole off my phone sent them to himself , showed people ( I was naked and they weren’t for him nor did I know they were on there from like years ago )we live on the water , threw that tablet in the ocean , obviously never replaced it , another promise along with the last three months I’ve been paying our entire rent and every luxury like toilet paper and deodorant, never going with our anything
He’s in my opinion , a deep adderal psychosis , has visual and auditory hallucinations , what has come along with that is multiple personalities , one of them is the one that convinced me to stay and the other shines a flashlight in my eyes at night until morning talking to themselves tearing our house apart , speaking just loud enough hours straight so that , with headphones in at the loudest volume I can still hear him
He has separated parents , one of which just bought a house with 4 extra bedrooms , and the mother owns property that she’d let him like in rent free , the problem now is he flips the script , just today it’s changed a few times and he now wants the apartment since it was his originally , and his dad co-signed , yet I’ve been paying the past few months myself
This is just a portion of the pages I’ve written but I’ve been the only one working , when I would be out he’d harass me to no end , so I stopped even bothering besides work and driving my epileptic mother around , so I’ve been funding my very own personalized hell and now have no money , and he’s made promises of months to pay me , I’ve met his mother and father , the father will take care of me i know that but I feel he owes me more than just the rent I paid for us , for all that I’ve been thru and I thought I was “investing” that money.
but that’s not even everything , it floods my brain now that I deal with it but I can’t put enough emphasis on the conditioning , love-bombing, gaslighting and absolute torture and harassment , I can’t make sense of it and what to do
So I guess my question is how do I go about proving that he tortured me . I have friends who saved voicemails and texts of me crying expressing at those moments where I was and actually told someone . He’d threaten me in every which way so that I didn’t tell people it was happening . I’m very scared. [/INST] DV report procedure/Documentation </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI think I left my marriage before things got physically abusive. While angry, my husband has thrown food I was cooking at walls, broke a wooden door, and broke a glass shower door while I was still taking a shower. Is it true that “they hit things around you before they hit you”?
He’s such a kind person otherwise. I’m a mess and can’t tell if I left a good person who needs to work through their anger issues, or if I left a situation that was bound to get a lot worse. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI think I left my marriage before things got physically abusive. While angry, my husband has thrown food I was cooking at walls, broke a wooden door, and broke a glass shower door while I was still taking a shower. Is it true that “they hit things around you before they hit you”?
He’s such a kind person otherwise. I’m a mess and can’t tell if I left a good person who needs to work through their anger issues, or if I left a situation that was bound to get a lot worse. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy husband goes to court in a couple of days and I thought I was strong enough to show up for the hearing but I can’t do it. I’m not required to go to this one. This is where he will enter his plea. I’m praying he takes a deal so I don’t have to go testify. Personally I’m doing better not being able to see him and him being unable to contact me has left my life very peaceful. But when I think about seeing him in court my emotions range from guilt for putting him in this position to rage for the many things he’s done to me. The last three weeks we were together was pure unadulterated hell.
I’ll just be glad when all the legal stuff is over and I can really focus on moving past the night terrors. ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy husband goes to court in a couple of days and I thought I was strong enough to show up for the hearing but I can’t do it. I’m not required to go to this one. This is where he will enter his plea. I’m praying he takes a deal so I don’t have to go testify. Personally I’m doing better not being able to see him and him being unable to contact me has left my life very peaceful. But when I think about seeing him in court my emotions range from guilt for putting him in this position to rage for the many things he’s done to me. The last three weeks we were together was pure unadulterated hell.
I’ll just be glad when all the legal stuff is over and I can really focus on moving past the night terrors. [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI (20f) finally got the courage, prepared for whatever to come, and had the “this needs to change, if this happens again our five month old son and I are leaving” talk with my fiancé (25m).
He refused to see everything I explained saying either he didn’t remember doing/saying that or asking when something he did/said happened. He’d say that he is just really stressed out and doesn’t know why, started asking me why he would be. He’d say that he needs help, even after I kept telling him that his family and I have given him all the advice and help that we can—that he is the only one that can help himself now.
He told me that if he doesn’t let out “small violent urges” like slamming, throwing, or breaking things while yelling at our son, me, or just in general then how is he supposed to get out the anger. He said that if he lets it all build up then it’ll get bad bad when he explodes and that I “don’t want that to happen.”
Near the end of it he had turned himself into the victim and made me the villain. He kept saying things like no one cares what he thinks or how he feels, that I don’t give his parenting opinions a chance (I’m not comfortable with us drinking around our son or spanking him as discipline, which he’s a violent drunk and knows he’ll take spanking too far), that no one helps him, etc.
I told him that we do care, we always express interest and we have actively given him all the advice we can, and that we are tired of doing everything for him so we’ve stopped he doesn’t clean up after himself or do any basic household chores. I told him that I need a partner and our son needs a father, and that I would like to be loved nicely. He proceeded to say that he doesn’t understand or see how he doesn’t treat me nicely and that he’s doing what he can to be good to our son. So it just circled all the way back around to the beginning, explaining everything that has been done and said.
It ended with him only apologizing once. What did he apologize for? “What do you want me to say? I’m sorry I’m not a good person.”
So I stuck to the whole point of the conversation and said one more time, “If things don’t change, if you do any of those things one more time, then we need to take a break.” And I started to go out to sit in my car, he asked where I was going. I told him that I needed to be alone. He responded with, “I don’t want to be left alone with myself.”
I’ve been through that stupid ass tactic before with a couple of friends, it wasn’t happening again. I stuck to going to sit in my car. I sat out there for 20 minutes trying to get ahold of a friend and breathe. I came back in and he was already fast asleep snoring.
Woke up and he’s been acting like nothing happened, like what he usually does after we have serious discussions or arguments. He said he was sorry about staying so late at his parents over the water heater issue, said “you’re mine, aren’t you?” and “I’m terrified of losing you”, started kissing all over me, and tried initiating sex.
I have given up at this point. That was my last chance at trying to talk to him. I think this relationship is pretty much over and he is just avoiding it. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Any advice or outlook on this would be helpful, but also thank you for listening. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI (20f) finally got the courage, prepared for whatever to come, and had the “this needs to change, if this happens again our five month old son and I are leaving” talk with my fiancé (25m).
He refused to see everything I explained saying either he didn’t remember doing/saying that or asking when something he did/said happened. He’d say that he is just really stressed out and doesn’t know why, started asking me why he would be. He’d say that he needs help, even after I kept telling him that his family and I have given him all the advice and help that we can—that he is the only one that can help himself now.
He told me that if he doesn’t let out “small violent urges” like slamming, throwing, or breaking things while yelling at our son, me, or just in general then how is he supposed to get out the anger. He said that if he lets it all build up then it’ll get bad bad when he explodes and that I “don’t want that to happen.”
Near the end of it he had turned himself into the victim and made me the villain. He kept saying things like no one cares what he thinks or how he feels, that I don’t give his parenting opinions a chance (I’m not comfortable with us drinking around our son or spanking him as discipline, which he’s a violent drunk and knows he’ll take spanking too far), that no one helps him, etc.
I told him that we do care, we always express interest and we have actively given him all the advice we can, and that we are tired of doing everything for him so we’ve stopped he doesn’t clean up after himself or do any basic household chores. I told him that I need a partner and our son needs a father, and that I would like to be loved nicely. He proceeded to say that he doesn’t understand or see how he doesn’t treat me nicely and that he’s doing what he can to be good to our son. So it just circled all the way back around to the beginning, explaining everything that has been done and said.
It ended with him only apologizing once. What did he apologize for? “What do you want me to say? I’m sorry I’m not a good person.”
So I stuck to the whole point of the conversation and said one more time, “If things don’t change, if you do any of those things one more time, then we need to take a break.” And I started to go out to sit in my car, he asked where I was going. I told him that I needed to be alone. He responded with, “I don’t want to be left alone with myself.”
I’ve been through that stupid ass tactic before with a couple of friends, it wasn’t happening again. I stuck to going to sit in my car. I sat out there for 20 minutes trying to get ahold of a friend and breathe. I came back in and he was already fast asleep snoring.
Woke up and he’s been acting like nothing happened, like what he usually does after we have serious discussions or arguments. He said he was sorry about staying so late at his parents over the water heater issue, said “you’re mine, aren’t you?” and “I’m terrified of losing you”, started kissing all over me, and tried initiating sex.
I have given up at this point. That was my last chance at trying to talk to him. I think this relationship is pretty much over and he is just avoiding it. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Any advice or outlook on this would be helpful, but also thank you for listening. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI've left a decade long physically, emotionally, financially and psychologically abusive relationship.
What does healing even look like? What were/are your goals?
I understand physically healing - I have a dentist appointment to have some teeth fixed/replaced with implants. I got some hair growth serum to help with bald spots where my hair was ripped out. Etc.
But what does emotional healing look like? If anyone has any tangible ideas/goals, I'd be very grateful!
I just feel numb. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI've left a decade long physically, emotionally, financially and psychologically abusive relationship.
What does healing even look like? What were/are your goals?
I understand physically healing - I have a dentist appointment to have some teeth fixed/replaced with implants. I got some hair growth serum to help with bald spots where my hair was ripped out. Etc.
But what does emotional healing look like? If anyone has any tangible ideas/goals, I'd be very grateful!
I just feel numb. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI went through 6 years of abuse with my ex. His last time being physical with me I had to call the police. He ended up in jail. When he got out he wanted nothing to do with me because I assume he feels I ruined his life since he has a felony now even though I never pressed charges. Im so used to him blowing my phone up begging for me back when I leave that it’s hard for me to explain what it feels like now that he’s not. He found a new girlfriend shortly after. I’m starting to feel like it’s my fault that I’m raising our 3 toddlers alone. I’m heartbroken and regretful that I called the police that night😔. It’s the last thing I wanted to do. My safety was in question though. I couldn’t get him to calm down. Now he’s discarded me like I meant nothing to him after 6 years of putting up with all the abuse,cheating and neglect. I did everything for him. I made all the sacrifices. I Handled all the stressful moments. How could he leave ME? Before I left him? I was the victim. I was the one who should’ve left him… How did the roles reverse to where I’m the one being neglected? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI went through 6 years of abuse with my ex. His last time being physical with me I had to call the police. He ended up in jail. When he got out he wanted nothing to do with me because I assume he feels I ruined his life since he has a felony now even though I never pressed charges. Im so used to him blowing my phone up begging for me back when I leave that it’s hard for me to explain what it feels like now that he’s not. He found a new girlfriend shortly after. I’m starting to feel like it’s my fault that I’m raising our 3 toddlers alone. I’m heartbroken and regretful that I called the police that night😔. It’s the last thing I wanted to do. My safety was in question though. I couldn’t get him to calm down. Now he’s discarded me like I meant nothing to him after 6 years of putting up with all the abuse,cheating and neglect. I did everything for him. I made all the sacrifices. I Handled all the stressful moments. How could he leave ME? Before I left him? I was the victim. I was the one who should’ve left him… How did the roles reverse to where I’m the one being neglected? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt’s been 3 months since I left my abuser and the holidays have taken a toll on me. I’m 24 and met him at 19 since I’ve spent every Xmas and new year with him. He was so sweet for almost 3 years and it constantly makes me question whether I was actually abused or not or if I’m over exaggerating the abuse. What if I did provoke him or push him to become that way. He would push me, talk down to me and even cut me once and he’d make me feel like I needed to apologize even when he was being mean or unreasonable but on the flip side of that he was always supportive and did everything for me. My mind knows that it was abuse so why do I keep questioning it. Why do I miss him, why am I jealous of his new life. And why does it hurt that he’s forgotten me. I feel like an idiot. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt’s been 3 months since I left my abuser and the holidays have taken a toll on me. I’m 24 and met him at 19 since I’ve spent every Xmas and new year with him. He was so sweet for almost 3 years and it constantly makes me question whether I was actually abused or not or if I’m over exaggerating the abuse. What if I did provoke him or push him to become that way. He would push me, talk down to me and even cut me once and he’d make me feel like I needed to apologize even when he was being mean or unreasonable but on the flip side of that he was always supportive and did everything for me. My mind knows that it was abuse so why do I keep questioning it. Why do I miss him, why am I jealous of his new life. And why does it hurt that he’s forgotten me. I feel like an idiot. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy abuser is currently in prison waiting for his hearing. I am waiting for my no contact order to go thro. But in the mean time he is still sending me letters....aggressive letters that are intimidating and full of lies...accusing me of being the abuser and I should be in jail. Yesterday I received a horrible letter from him with roses. I'm trying to figure out what to do? Keep letters and use as evidence or send them back to sender using my stamp. I want as much evidence as possible to put him away. But I also am feeling depressed and fed up with life after reading his mean letters. Any advice on what to do with his letters?? BTW he is claiming I AM HARASSING HIM in his latest letter. Which I am not!!. He calls me from prison a hundred times a day (when they're not on covid lock down) and he writes me 2 or 3 letters a day. I don't answer his calls and I don't write him back . ###Assistant:DV report procedure/Documentation | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy abuser is currently in prison waiting for his hearing. I am waiting for my no contact order to go thro. But in the mean time he is still sending me letters....aggressive letters that are intimidating and full of lies...accusing me of being the abuser and I should be in jail. Yesterday I received a horrible letter from him with roses. I'm trying to figure out what to do? Keep letters and use as evidence or send them back to sender using my stamp. I want as much evidence as possible to put him away. But I also am feeling depressed and fed up with life after reading his mean letters. Any advice on what to do with his letters?? BTW he is claiming I AM HARASSING HIM in his latest letter. Which I am not!!. He calls me from prison a hundred times a day (when they're not on covid lock down) and he writes me 2 or 3 letters a day. I don't answer his calls and I don't write him back . [/INST] DV report procedure/Documentation </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy abuser had his sentencing in court yesterday. I wasn’t able to get the time off from work in order to attend via Zoom like I’d wanted, but my lawyer recapped everything for me which I appreciated. He didn’t express any accountability and made excuses for all of the things he did to me, which we expected. I’d written a victim’s impact statement and they read it aloud in court, and apparently it was very powerful. He said he’d written a letter too but left it at the jail, and after hearing what I’d had to say, he was glad he didn’t bring it. My lawyer said he’d said other things too, like how he loved me and had only been taking care of me, which made me laugh out loud. You don’t give someone you love multiple black eyes and a concussion or throw their phone away and make them lose their job or choke them out multiple times. It just goes to show what our brains are capable of as far as creating coping mechanisms and making up narratives, that he would convince himself that he loved me, when left alone in a jail cell.
I appreciated all of the details from my lawyer, but the best news of all was hearing that he got the full 10 year prison sentence, which was the maximum for what he put me through. Maybe he’ll change, maybe he won’t. But this baby girl that I’m about to bring into the world won’t have to know him, and that makes me feel so at peace. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy abuser had his sentencing in court yesterday. I wasn’t able to get the time off from work in order to attend via Zoom like I’d wanted, but my lawyer recapped everything for me which I appreciated. He didn’t express any accountability and made excuses for all of the things he did to me, which we expected. I’d written a victim’s impact statement and they read it aloud in court, and apparently it was very powerful. He said he’d written a letter too but left it at the jail, and after hearing what I’d had to say, he was glad he didn’t bring it. My lawyer said he’d said other things too, like how he loved me and had only been taking care of me, which made me laugh out loud. You don’t give someone you love multiple black eyes and a concussion or throw their phone away and make them lose their job or choke them out multiple times. It just goes to show what our brains are capable of as far as creating coping mechanisms and making up narratives, that he would convince himself that he loved me, when left alone in a jail cell.
I appreciated all of the details from my lawyer, but the best news of all was hearing that he got the full 10 year prison sentence, which was the maximum for what he put me through. Maybe he’ll change, maybe he won’t. But this baby girl that I’m about to bring into the world won’t have to know him, and that makes me feel so at peace. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentQuestion about divorce lawyers. How often do you expect to hear from your lawyer? I paid the retainer in November. She submitted paperwork but it was only accepted by court in middle of December. I emailed multiple times. She didn’t get back to me. Finally I looked at court website and found case management conference scheduled for May. I emailed and begged for update and ask what does case management conference mean and she said to call. I spoke with her. She asked for info, but didn’t tell me what the terms meant. I spoke with her Jan 14. It’s Jan 30th. How long should I wait to hear from her?
I get that she isn’t my therapist and I don’t need hand holding. But I am going nuts not knowing when I will get paperwork. Not knowing when this hell will be over.
TLDR: paid retainer November, lawyer never answers email, the summons paperwork still hasn’t been mailed to me. Is this normal for lawyers? ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentQuestion about divorce lawyers. How often do you expect to hear from your lawyer? I paid the retainer in November. She submitted paperwork but it was only accepted by court in middle of December. I emailed multiple times. She didn’t get back to me. Finally I looked at court website and found case management conference scheduled for May. I emailed and begged for update and ask what does case management conference mean and she said to call. I spoke with her. She asked for info, but didn’t tell me what the terms meant. I spoke with her Jan 14. It’s Jan 30th. How long should I wait to hear from her?
I get that she isn’t my therapist and I don’t need hand holding. But I am going nuts not knowing when I will get paperwork. Not knowing when this hell will be over.
TLDR: paid retainer November, lawyer never answers email, the summons paperwork still hasn’t been mailed to me. Is this normal for lawyers? [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy husband has always had rage issues. They were exacerbated by a TBI in a car wreck this summer.
He has been physically, financially, and verbally abusive mainly all directed at me but occasionally otherwise. He is seeing a psychiatrist and working in the right direction but started to spiral with the stress of the holidays.
I ended up leaving him with his parents, and traveling home alone (six hours). That threw him into a greater anti-me tirade. He says I’m Bi-Polar and I’m making up being afraid of him. He’s threatened to divorce me and ruin my life if I take protective action.
Yet, he keeps threatening homelessness on me and saying he’s going to come home and take the kids. His parents own our house so that makes everything a little bit harder.
I just love him and want him to get help and take his medicine correctly. He’s really terrible to our children and I at times and it’s not quite normal. I don’t want divorce or separation, I just want him healthy and stable. I don’t know what to do anymore. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy husband has always had rage issues. They were exacerbated by a TBI in a car wreck this summer.
He has been physically, financially, and verbally abusive mainly all directed at me but occasionally otherwise. He is seeing a psychiatrist and working in the right direction but started to spiral with the stress of the holidays.
I ended up leaving him with his parents, and traveling home alone (six hours). That threw him into a greater anti-me tirade. He says I’m Bi-Polar and I’m making up being afraid of him. He’s threatened to divorce me and ruin my life if I take protective action.
Yet, he keeps threatening homelessness on me and saying he’s going to come home and take the kids. His parents own our house so that makes everything a little bit harder.
I just love him and want him to get help and take his medicine correctly. He’s really terrible to our children and I at times and it’s not quite normal. I don’t want divorce or separation, I just want him healthy and stable. I don’t know what to do anymore. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy ex lies for attention, either to impress people or to play the victim. He lies to rewrite history. He lies to win arguements. He lies to gaslight. And he lies to everyone without feeling bad for lying.
I can only imagine that this was what is called compulsive lying. I think he sometimes repeats lies enough that he starts to believe his own lies. Does it have to be intentional to be considered abusive? ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy ex lies for attention, either to impress people or to play the victim. He lies to rewrite history. He lies to win arguements. He lies to gaslight. And he lies to everyone without feeling bad for lying.
I can only imagine that this was what is called compulsive lying. I think he sometimes repeats lies enough that he starts to believe his own lies. Does it have to be intentional to be considered abusive? [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt absolutely astounds me when the abuser goes on like the victim. Like THEY were the one getting abused. Speaks volumes... don’t you think? How frustrating. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt absolutely astounds me when the abuser goes on like the victim. Like THEY were the one getting abused. Speaks volumes... don’t you think? How frustrating. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi everyone.
I have an interesting situation, I’m not quite sure what to do and I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it.
Here’s some background info:
Me and my ex-girlfriend have continued to communicate after separating for around 6 months.
Our separation was normal, no bad blood, never had any serious issues in our relationship. I have graduated and have been working full time for 1.5 years and she is still currently in college. Things didn’t work out for her based on timing and that’s totally understandable, other life challenges happened as well with family issues bringing stress on her emotionally.
The incident:
My ex phoned me a few nights ago, admitting to me that the new boyfriend she has hit her drunkenly. She was bruised up pretty bad. She told me this along with him being verbally abusive.
I handled it the best I could in that situation, after the fact she told me she doesn’t want to tell anyone. (her friends know and contacted me) I talked it over with her friends and they are scared for her safety. Scared that he will do it again / have seen stuff happen.
My feelings:
I feel as if I am trapped, I don’t know what to do being in the middle of this situation. I was told by her friends that I need to tell her family but I feel I would be overstepping or inappropriate on my end.
I don’t really know what to do.
Can anyone provide advice?
Please feel free to ask me questions if you want more info. I’m new to Reddit but I just made a throwaway to conceal my identity. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi everyone.
I have an interesting situation, I’m not quite sure what to do and I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it.
Here’s some background info:
Me and my ex-girlfriend have continued to communicate after separating for around 6 months.
Our separation was normal, no bad blood, never had any serious issues in our relationship. I have graduated and have been working full time for 1.5 years and she is still currently in college. Things didn’t work out for her based on timing and that’s totally understandable, other life challenges happened as well with family issues bringing stress on her emotionally.
The incident:
My ex phoned me a few nights ago, admitting to me that the new boyfriend she has hit her drunkenly. She was bruised up pretty bad. She told me this along with him being verbally abusive.
I handled it the best I could in that situation, after the fact she told me she doesn’t want to tell anyone. (her friends know and contacted me) I talked it over with her friends and they are scared for her safety. Scared that he will do it again / have seen stuff happen.
My feelings:
I feel as if I am trapped, I don’t know what to do being in the middle of this situation. I was told by her friends that I need to tell her family but I feel I would be overstepping or inappropriate on my end.
I don’t really know what to do.
Can anyone provide advice?
Please feel free to ask me questions if you want more info. I’m new to Reddit but I just made a throwaway to conceal my identity. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo I couldn’t stay while finding somewhere else to live and left last Wednesday while he was at work and am living at a cheap holiday house place with my kids.
I keep getting rejected for rental properties as there is a rental crisis at the moment here, so I’m feeling a bit down.
He called today and said I can have the rental we shared and he will leave, all I have to do is withdraw my DV paperwork and go back on the lease.
Along with all the “I didn’t realise what I had until it’s gone, you’re beautiful, I love you” BS.
I felt bad in my gut so I stayed strong and said no. And then he started yelling again. Goes to show, a leopard does not change their spots - they are only “nice” when they want to or are getting their way.
Please send positive vibes my way that I can get accepted for an apartment in the next 7 days.
Stay strong. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSo I couldn’t stay while finding somewhere else to live and left last Wednesday while he was at work and am living at a cheap holiday house place with my kids.
I keep getting rejected for rental properties as there is a rental crisis at the moment here, so I’m feeling a bit down.
He called today and said I can have the rental we shared and he will leave, all I have to do is withdraw my DV paperwork and go back on the lease.
Along with all the “I didn’t realise what I had until it’s gone, you’re beautiful, I love you” BS.
I felt bad in my gut so I stayed strong and said no. And then he started yelling again. Goes to show, a leopard does not change their spots - they are only “nice” when they want to or are getting their way.
Please send positive vibes my way that I can get accepted for an apartment in the next 7 days.
Stay strong. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI don't know what to do anymore. The abuse is getting so bad. I have a medical condition to the point that I can't work anymore and I got denied disability. I have no money and no where to go. Shelters apparently can't accommodate my medical needs. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so alone. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI don't know what to do anymore. The abuse is getting so bad. I have a medical condition to the point that I can't work anymore and I got denied disability. I have no money and no where to go. Shelters apparently can't accommodate my medical needs. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so alone. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHow do I deal with a support organization helping and enabling my abuser. I had been referred to them as a victim by another agency that witnessed her abuse over a year ago, but now they won’t talk to me.
I don’t know what to do she has cranked up the abuse since they started helping her. ###Assistant:Shelters/ DV center/ Agency | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHow do I deal with a support organization helping and enabling my abuser. I had been referred to them as a victim by another agency that witnessed her abuse over a year ago, but now they won’t talk to me.
I don’t know what to do she has cranked up the abuse since they started helping her. [/INST] Shelters/ DV center/ Agency </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’m her co worker but I can’t stand the “ I fell again” statements when it’s clear this guy hit her again. I’m sure she gets abused because of her husband’s obviously aggressive nature. I’ve talked to her about her bruises and stuff by she’s not keen on opening up.
I need some advise.
Update: she eventually left him and she moved to a different city. We talk regularly and she seems to be doing well. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’m her co worker but I can’t stand the “ I fell again” statements when it’s clear this guy hit her again. I’m sure she gets abused because of her husband’s obviously aggressive nature. I’ve talked to her about her bruises and stuff by she’s not keen on opening up.
I need some advise.
Update: she eventually left him and she moved to a different city. We talk regularly and she seems to be doing well. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy boyfriend choked me twice while I was driving Saturday night. I told him that I needed gas, drove to the nearest gas station, and asked them to call 911. Because we lived together, the police said that they had to arrest him, which is fine. But I'm still so heartbroken. I can't help but think about how scared he probably is. I know that he's an adult and must deal with the consequences of his actions, but my love for him is still there and therefore I don't want him to suffer.
I'm not going back. I can't risk my life. But it's still so hard. I miss him. Just a few days ago we were kissing and hugging and saying I love you. Now he's in jail, and I'm heartbroken and alone. I feel like I'm being ripped into pieces. My heart aches tremendously.
I can hardly sleep. I can hardly eat; the thought of food makes me nauseous. I don't have the energy or motivation to take a shower. I cry about literally everything (seriously, I dropped my apple and cried for 5-10 minutes). I'm in law school, and I can't focus enough to do my school work. I can't handle this.
If anyone has any words of encouragement or advice, I would greatly appreciate it. ###Assistant:Police | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy boyfriend choked me twice while I was driving Saturday night. I told him that I needed gas, drove to the nearest gas station, and asked them to call 911. Because we lived together, the police said that they had to arrest him, which is fine. But I'm still so heartbroken. I can't help but think about how scared he probably is. I know that he's an adult and must deal with the consequences of his actions, but my love for him is still there and therefore I don't want him to suffer.
I'm not going back. I can't risk my life. But it's still so hard. I miss him. Just a few days ago we were kissing and hugging and saying I love you. Now he's in jail, and I'm heartbroken and alone. I feel like I'm being ripped into pieces. My heart aches tremendously.
I can hardly sleep. I can hardly eat; the thought of food makes me nauseous. I don't have the energy or motivation to take a shower. I cry about literally everything (seriously, I dropped my apple and cried for 5-10 minutes). I'm in law school, and I can't focus enough to do my school work. I can't handle this.
If anyone has any words of encouragement or advice, I would greatly appreciate it. [/INST] Police </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentTwo years ago today I left my abuser. I was 21, miserable, and scared for my life. I lived with him so i had to uproot my life with my two cats (my angels❤️) and while it was truly the best decision i ever made, i still feel the same way i did that day. Not sad, because i wanted to leave him for such a long time before i was able to, but just afraid. i spend every day afraid he’s going to lash out at me somehow, somewhere. That i’m going to run into him in public (we’re both from a small town, he doesn’t live here currently but could come back any day since his child is here) and he really IS going to kill me or hurt me again. That he’s going to post the naked pictures and videos that I’m sure he still has of me. I have nightmares where i can’t get away from him, i check every parking lot for his car before i get out of mine, i ask “who’s going to be there?” or “who’s there right now?” every where i go in fear of running into him. Him grabbing me by the hair and dragging me through the whole apartment, giving me rug burn all over my body, hitting my head into the walls and furniture before he threw me out in the snow in my underwear and locked me out there with nothing plays in my head in a loop over and over. the times i said no to sex and fought for a few minutes just to give up and lay there limp and pretend it wasn’t happening because he was bigger than me and was ultimately going to get what he wanted anyway replays over and over. the constant insults and threats he hurled at me “kill yourself” “if you don’t come home right now i will kill your cats “you’re fucking useless” “why are you so fucking dumb” “you’re nothing without me” play on a loop as well. i left the abuse and i still feel so trapped. our mutual friends didn’t believe me, he blasted me on social media calling me a liar repeatedly, I’m no longer in danger but i still live in such fear of him like he’s the boogie man lurking around every corner and i don’t know how to move past it. how do i stop living in fear? will i ever feel like myself again? when will my life stop revolving around the worst thing that ever happened to me? how does he continue to live his life unbothered with such a huge support system? why didn’t they believe me? i’m not even sure that i’m looking for answers here, but no one i’m close to has experienced this and as helpful as they try to be, talking about it makes them uncomfortable and i understand that. it’s just so unfair that someone could do those awful things and then just continue on with their life while i live mine terrified. sorry for the formatting and rant. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentTwo years ago today I left my abuser. I was 21, miserable, and scared for my life. I lived with him so i had to uproot my life with my two cats (my angels❤️) and while it was truly the best decision i ever made, i still feel the same way i did that day. Not sad, because i wanted to leave him for such a long time before i was able to, but just afraid. i spend every day afraid he’s going to lash out at me somehow, somewhere. That i’m going to run into him in public (we’re both from a small town, he doesn’t live here currently but could come back any day since his child is here) and he really IS going to kill me or hurt me again. That he’s going to post the naked pictures and videos that I’m sure he still has of me. I have nightmares where i can’t get away from him, i check every parking lot for his car before i get out of mine, i ask “who’s going to be there?” or “who’s there right now?” every where i go in fear of running into him. Him grabbing me by the hair and dragging me through the whole apartment, giving me rug burn all over my body, hitting my head into the walls and furniture before he threw me out in the snow in my underwear and locked me out there with nothing plays in my head in a loop over and over. the times i said no to sex and fought for a few minutes just to give up and lay there limp and pretend it wasn’t happening because he was bigger than me and was ultimately going to get what he wanted anyway replays over and over. the constant insults and threats he hurled at me “kill yourself” “if you don’t come home right now i will kill your cats “you’re fucking useless” “why are you so fucking dumb” “you’re nothing without me” play on a loop as well. i left the abuse and i still feel so trapped. our mutual friends didn’t believe me, he blasted me on social media calling me a liar repeatedly, I’m no longer in danger but i still live in such fear of him like he’s the boogie man lurking around every corner and i don’t know how to move past it. how do i stop living in fear? will i ever feel like myself again? when will my life stop revolving around the worst thing that ever happened to me? how does he continue to live his life unbothered with such a huge support system? why didn’t they believe me? i’m not even sure that i’m looking for answers here, but no one i’m close to has experienced this and as helpful as they try to be, talking about it makes them uncomfortable and i understand that. it’s just so unfair that someone could do those awful things and then just continue on with their life while i live mine terrified. sorry for the formatting and rant. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’m so at a loss. I swing between being so scared and sad and worried about her to being angry that she’s choosing this lowlife man over her family. I know it’s not her fault and I’d do anything to help her but it’s so hard to continue being supportive when all of my offers for help are refused. I’ve done so much reading, talked to my therapist, talked to a DV advocate and logically, I know I can’t save her. That she will only leave when she makes that choice and no one can make it for her. But I’m frustrated and exhausted. All I see ahead is a long road of pain and sadness and it’s so hard to deal with - to see her addicted to this horrible person and know there isn’t anything I can do to help. How do I keep going? How can I get through to her? How do you watch someone you love get hurt over and over? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’m so at a loss. I swing between being so scared and sad and worried about her to being angry that she’s choosing this lowlife man over her family. I know it’s not her fault and I’d do anything to help her but it’s so hard to continue being supportive when all of my offers for help are refused. I’ve done so much reading, talked to my therapist, talked to a DV advocate and logically, I know I can’t save her. That she will only leave when she makes that choice and no one can make it for her. But I’m frustrated and exhausted. All I see ahead is a long road of pain and sadness and it’s so hard to deal with - to see her addicted to this horrible person and know there isn’t anything I can do to help. How do I keep going? How can I get through to her? How do you watch someone you love get hurt over and over? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThis is my “secret” Reddit account he didn’t know about. So hopefully I am safe to (vaguely) post about this. I just want support, reassurance from someone who’s been in my shoes..
My ex was absolutely afraid of abandonment, so I stayed for years and excused his horrible behavior. I had loved him. But. he finally snapped when I tried to leave.
I’ll skip the details because I’m not really ready to talk about them. But after a very violent night, I was left with a concussion, strangulation, broken bone, and cuts/bruises all over. I did everything I could to just calm him down from the start, but it was a horrible, several hour assault.. I secretly called 911 when I could, and now he’s in jail with several charges including felonies. He has also broken the protective order several times, from jail. So about 10 charges.
I am scared for whenever he gets out. I think he might have killed me had I not lied and agreed to stay with him. (I am absolutely not staying with him). The forensic nurse told me I was lucky to live. he strangled me so hard I passed out and peed myself..I am hoping and praying he just leaves me alone and never talks to me again.
I have been incontinent since it happened.. i have peed myself randomly and I feel so embarrassed. My head is foggy and I feel confused. I keep forgetting things- left my door wide open until a neighbor came to tell me. Don’t remember opening it. My throat hurts and it feels like I’m breathing through a straw. My body hurts. I feel so much pain and so much loneliness.
I do have a great support system and advocacy. I just needed to write this out. I’m honestly nervous to have this information out on the web and will probably delete this soon. But any advice or reassurance from people who have made it through would mean a lot to me. Or just to have space to vent my inner fears and thoughts… ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThis is my “secret” Reddit account he didn’t know about. So hopefully I am safe to (vaguely) post about this. I just want support, reassurance from someone who’s been in my shoes..
My ex was absolutely afraid of abandonment, so I stayed for years and excused his horrible behavior. I had loved him. But. he finally snapped when I tried to leave.
I’ll skip the details because I’m not really ready to talk about them. But after a very violent night, I was left with a concussion, strangulation, broken bone, and cuts/bruises all over. I did everything I could to just calm him down from the start, but it was a horrible, several hour assault.. I secretly called 911 when I could, and now he’s in jail with several charges including felonies. He has also broken the protective order several times, from jail. So about 10 charges.
I am scared for whenever he gets out. I think he might have killed me had I not lied and agreed to stay with him. (I am absolutely not staying with him). The forensic nurse told me I was lucky to live. he strangled me so hard I passed out and peed myself..I am hoping and praying he just leaves me alone and never talks to me again.
I have been incontinent since it happened.. i have peed myself randomly and I feel so embarrassed. My head is foggy and I feel confused. I keep forgetting things- left my door wide open until a neighbor came to tell me. Don’t remember opening it. My throat hurts and it feels like I’m breathing through a straw. My body hurts. I feel so much pain and so much loneliness.
I do have a great support system and advocacy. I just needed to write this out. I’m honestly nervous to have this information out on the web and will probably delete this soon. But any advice or reassurance from people who have made it through would mean a lot to me. Or just to have space to vent my inner fears and thoughts… [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy husband (m33) and I (f31) have been together for just over 8 years and married for 5. Last week in the heat of an argument he attempted to strangle me. Luckily he let go before I passed out and ran from our home before I could catch my breath. He went to stay with a trusted family member who lives about 2 hours away so I knew I wasn’t in anymore immediate danger. At first I was in shock but right away fell into my groomed routine of blaming myself for not leaving him alone and forcing conversation when he is still upset.
I couldn’t sleep all night, especially since I was trying to lay in our bed where the strangulation occurred. At about 4 AM I decided to take a chance and call the national domestic violence hotline to consult regarding my situation. The very kind and patient woman on the other line walked me through our history of abuse (mostly verbal and emotional but also some physical- primarily pushing) and help me understand that my situation was not going to improve and it was absolutely time to leave. She helped me understand the very strong correlations between strangulation and homicide and I just realized this was not some thing we were going to be able to come back from and would likely continue to escalate.
I left the next morning to stay with my brother on the other side of the state to ensure I was safe. I came back to my area and have been staying with my parents since. I am so incredibly lucky to have family support but it’s been hard to face them all when they saw these signs all along.
Yesterday my parents and I moved my stuff out of our marital home. I insured my soon to be ex would be with our trusted family member for the weekend so the move has been relatively smooth. I was able to file a police report and the officer told me he thinks there’s enough evidence for an arrest. In the beginning of the week I was really struggling with the guilt of contacting police and the possible consequences for him.
However with support of my family I was coming closer and closer to feeling comfortable with knowing that I needed to take care of myself and myself only at this point. Then yesterday when I arrived back into our home there was a note waiting for me from my soon to be ex with a half assed apology and a request to be “reasonable” with one another as we move through this separation/divorce process. Something inside me absolutely snapped and I realized just how manipulative this man was. For the first time I saw his words for exactly what they were, nothing more than a attempt to manipulate me into protecting himself instead of me. Once I was calm and no longer cursing at the world I called the police department and gave my statement with zero guilt for his consequences.
I know this journey is going to be long and painful but I truly believe I am doing the right thing for myself for the first time in a long time. I am hoping to find some support groups to help me get through this. Any suggestions/advice would be helpful. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy husband (m33) and I (f31) have been together for just over 8 years and married for 5. Last week in the heat of an argument he attempted to strangle me. Luckily he let go before I passed out and ran from our home before I could catch my breath. He went to stay with a trusted family member who lives about 2 hours away so I knew I wasn’t in anymore immediate danger. At first I was in shock but right away fell into my groomed routine of blaming myself for not leaving him alone and forcing conversation when he is still upset.
I couldn’t sleep all night, especially since I was trying to lay in our bed where the strangulation occurred. At about 4 AM I decided to take a chance and call the national domestic violence hotline to consult regarding my situation. The very kind and patient woman on the other line walked me through our history of abuse (mostly verbal and emotional but also some physical- primarily pushing) and help me understand that my situation was not going to improve and it was absolutely time to leave. She helped me understand the very strong correlations between strangulation and homicide and I just realized this was not some thing we were going to be able to come back from and would likely continue to escalate.
I left the next morning to stay with my brother on the other side of the state to ensure I was safe. I came back to my area and have been staying with my parents since. I am so incredibly lucky to have family support but it’s been hard to face them all when they saw these signs all along.
Yesterday my parents and I moved my stuff out of our marital home. I insured my soon to be ex would be with our trusted family member for the weekend so the move has been relatively smooth. I was able to file a police report and the officer told me he thinks there’s enough evidence for an arrest. In the beginning of the week I was really struggling with the guilt of contacting police and the possible consequences for him.
However with support of my family I was coming closer and closer to feeling comfortable with knowing that I needed to take care of myself and myself only at this point. Then yesterday when I arrived back into our home there was a note waiting for me from my soon to be ex with a half assed apology and a request to be “reasonable” with one another as we move through this separation/divorce process. Something inside me absolutely snapped and I realized just how manipulative this man was. For the first time I saw his words for exactly what they were, nothing more than a attempt to manipulate me into protecting himself instead of me. Once I was calm and no longer cursing at the world I called the police department and gave my statement with zero guilt for his consequences.
I know this journey is going to be long and painful but I truly believe I am doing the right thing for myself for the first time in a long time. I am hoping to find some support groups to help me get through this. Any suggestions/advice would be helpful. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHere’s my story
I’m tired of being quiet.
On May 31 around 9:30 pm I 35f along with my daughter left our home barefoot, her only wearing a tshirt and underwear.
After being yelled at pushed and then choked In our front yard while holding her in my arms (she had just turned 3 a month prior) he 38m claimed to have called the cops because he was worried about me taking his daughter since I was “drunk”
(All this stemmed from asking him to put our daughter to bed.)
I have been gone since then, but even after leaving the abuse has not stopped.
In June when he was dropping off our daughter at my parents house he demanded I give him the keys to our martial home. When I refused he barged into their home rummaged through my purse yelled at me threatening me in front of everyone including our daughter.
I called the sheriffs.
once realizing that I was actually calling them he left and cussed at my dad on his way out. Since then he has not been allowed over.
The cops came and since he had left nothing was done. The only thing they could do was file a report.
On July 21 7:00 Am he claimed our daughter was sick and he could not find her medicine that I had packed for her.
I stupidly believed she was sick, so i decided to drop off medicine on my way to work.
He opened the door and all I heard was silence.
She wasn’t awake or sick like he had claimed
That day I never made it to work.
I was yet again pushed, this time I was pushed against the door ( thankfully nothing was broken) yelled at.
Accused of having affairs with two different married men.
Accused of hacking his phone.
All While being locked in a house against my will,
He took my belongings. Keys, purse and phone.
Some how our daughter slept through all of it until I was able to run out through the back door.
Not having my keys or phone and not able to wave anyone down that drove down our road. I was unable to call the police. By the time he made it to the front porch he had Her with him as he yelled at me and accused me of making her go through this. He finally threw my keys at me and told me to leave.
I went to the cowboys and called the cops, but once they were unable to do anything because I left the house! Another report was filed
He still has my old phone.
Since then the mental abuse and harassment has continued.
Now, he has;
Stated that him and his lawyer are wanting a paternity test because according to him all I have done since being married is cheat on him.
Questioning If actually went to Mexico December 2017 for my grandmothers funeral.
He is questioning why my family migrated to the U.S.
Claiming I’m involved in a side business and that I have been forced into in.
All of this because I Decided to not take anymore abuse from someone who claimed to love me.
17 years of being with someone.
And this is how it ends.
Everything was great as long as he got everything from me.
I have lost friends and time with my family because of wanting to avoid his tantrums. And wanting to avoid even the simplest things thrown in my face as soon as he had something go wrong. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHere’s my story
I’m tired of being quiet.
On May 31 around 9:30 pm I 35f along with my daughter left our home barefoot, her only wearing a tshirt and underwear.
After being yelled at pushed and then choked In our front yard while holding her in my arms (she had just turned 3 a month prior) he 38m claimed to have called the cops because he was worried about me taking his daughter since I was “drunk”
(All this stemmed from asking him to put our daughter to bed.)
I have been gone since then, but even after leaving the abuse has not stopped.
In June when he was dropping off our daughter at my parents house he demanded I give him the keys to our martial home. When I refused he barged into their home rummaged through my purse yelled at me threatening me in front of everyone including our daughter.
I called the sheriffs.
once realizing that I was actually calling them he left and cussed at my dad on his way out. Since then he has not been allowed over.
The cops came and since he had left nothing was done. The only thing they could do was file a report.
On July 21 7:00 Am he claimed our daughter was sick and he could not find her medicine that I had packed for her.
I stupidly believed she was sick, so i decided to drop off medicine on my way to work.
He opened the door and all I heard was silence.
She wasn’t awake or sick like he had claimed
That day I never made it to work.
I was yet again pushed, this time I was pushed against the door ( thankfully nothing was broken) yelled at.
Accused of having affairs with two different married men.
Accused of hacking his phone.
All While being locked in a house against my will,
He took my belongings. Keys, purse and phone.
Some how our daughter slept through all of it until I was able to run out through the back door.
Not having my keys or phone and not able to wave anyone down that drove down our road. I was unable to call the police. By the time he made it to the front porch he had Her with him as he yelled at me and accused me of making her go through this. He finally threw my keys at me and told me to leave.
I went to the cowboys and called the cops, but once they were unable to do anything because I left the house! Another report was filed
He still has my old phone.
Since then the mental abuse and harassment has continued.
Now, he has;
Stated that him and his lawyer are wanting a paternity test because according to him all I have done since being married is cheat on him.
Questioning If actually went to Mexico December 2017 for my grandmothers funeral.
He is questioning why my family migrated to the U.S.
Claiming I’m involved in a side business and that I have been forced into in.
All of this because I Decided to not take anymore abuse from someone who claimed to love me.
17 years of being with someone.
And this is how it ends.
Everything was great as long as he got everything from me.
I have lost friends and time with my family because of wanting to avoid his tantrums. And wanting to avoid even the simplest things thrown in my face as soon as he had something go wrong. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’m looking for videos (YouTube etc) to watch.
I’ve left my abuser, but I’m struggling to process emotions. I would like to know if you have recommendations for someone *after* leaving the relationship. In the aftermath so to speak.
Most videos are about the escape, planning the escape or how to tell if you are a victim. I would like some sources for my current situation.
Thank you everyone. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’m looking for videos (YouTube etc) to watch.
I’ve left my abuser, but I’m struggling to process emotions. I would like to know if you have recommendations for someone *after* leaving the relationship. In the aftermath so to speak.
Most videos are about the escape, planning the escape or how to tell if you are a victim. I would like some sources for my current situation.
Thank you everyone. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am still with my abuser - there is no physical abuse ,just verbal and emotional, he gets extremely angry to the point where it's terrifying.
He's so hard to leave because my entire family loves him, they think he's amazing - anytime there's and argument between us my own family defends him.
All my friends now love him too along with his own buddy's.I feel like if I leave him I'll lose all my friends, family members even said if it doesn't work out that he can still visit them (this was probs just a poor joke but it's got to me)
I just don't get why everyone is so in love with him and I'm the only one afraid of him and terrified to tell anyone of the true extent of the verbal and emotional abuse. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am still with my abuser - there is no physical abuse ,just verbal and emotional, he gets extremely angry to the point where it's terrifying.
He's so hard to leave because my entire family loves him, they think he's amazing - anytime there's and argument between us my own family defends him.
All my friends now love him too along with his own buddy's.I feel like if I leave him I'll lose all my friends, family members even said if it doesn't work out that he can still visit them (this was probs just a poor joke but it's got to me)
I just don't get why everyone is so in love with him and I'm the only one afraid of him and terrified to tell anyone of the true extent of the verbal and emotional abuse. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSorry for blowing up this thread but it feels like my one and only outlet right now. I’m tossing and turning. My heart aches yet I’m angry.
Right now I keep thinking about when they say you bring a monster out of them. What kind of bs is that?
If it’s true that he shut the door on me because he thinks I’m no good for him or he doesn’t like who he is around me- that’s bs. HIS actions are not MY fault. HIS choices are his alone. I loved him IN SPITE of himself. But I bring out a monster in him? So what he rather take the easy way out and ignore the root of his issue rather than work it out with me alongside him? Or just be with someone else until she figures out who he is and keep trading one person for another? If I’m not the one worth bettering himself over- then he can go to hell. He betrayed me in about a billion different ways. Karma can have him. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentSorry for blowing up this thread but it feels like my one and only outlet right now. I’m tossing and turning. My heart aches yet I’m angry.
Right now I keep thinking about when they say you bring a monster out of them. What kind of bs is that?
If it’s true that he shut the door on me because he thinks I’m no good for him or he doesn’t like who he is around me- that’s bs. HIS actions are not MY fault. HIS choices are his alone. I loved him IN SPITE of himself. But I bring out a monster in him? So what he rather take the easy way out and ignore the root of his issue rather than work it out with me alongside him? Or just be with someone else until she figures out who he is and keep trading one person for another? If I’m not the one worth bettering himself over- then he can go to hell. He betrayed me in about a billion different ways. Karma can have him. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy Moma (49) and my stepfather (48) Have been together for 16 years. The abuse has started to push past mental and turn physical in the last week. SF is going through chemo, and has scans coming up in a few weeks. That is the excuse that he gives for the violence, and of course the fact that he is convinced she is cheating, and sends to many text messages. The only people she talks to are me, my brother, and her step kids.
Well he took her phone 6 days ago, and has some how made it so if she gets a text message or phone call he gets them too. She has an iPhone and he has an android. How do I even go about finding the app or unsyncing their phones because this is making the abuse worse?
Please help so I can try to safely get my mother out of this situation.
Thank you ###Assistant:Miscellaneous (Other) | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy Moma (49) and my stepfather (48) Have been together for 16 years. The abuse has started to push past mental and turn physical in the last week. SF is going through chemo, and has scans coming up in a few weeks. That is the excuse that he gives for the violence, and of course the fact that he is convinced she is cheating, and sends to many text messages. The only people she talks to are me, my brother, and her step kids.
Well he took her phone 6 days ago, and has some how made it so if she gets a text message or phone call he gets them too. She has an iPhone and he has an android. How do I even go about finding the app or unsyncing their phones because this is making the abuse worse?
Please help so I can try to safely get my mother out of this situation.
Thank you [/INST] Miscellaneous (Other) </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’ve been married 2.5 years. When we were dating before he was really kind at first and then yes he started showing his true colors. He becomes a completely different person when he is angry like his body starts convulsing and shaking and he says and does the most horrid things.
He first started throwing things at me, TV remote water bottle - and I spoke to his parents about it and they just brushed it off. After we got married - I’ve been hit maybe 5 times… not strangled or slapped but like pushed to the ground. Manhandled kicked and pinched until my mid section bruised.
I can’t speak to anyone at all about this… I have no place to vent and if anything no one will believe that my husband is capable because to everyone else he’s the most fun most charismatic guy…
I have told him I won’t tolerate it but he did it again. We are traveling right now and he pushed me to the ground in the club and dragged me by my hair outside yelling and cursing at me.. so many people told him to stop but he didn’t.
What do I do? I have no support. I just want to make him realize I’m a good wife… ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’ve been married 2.5 years. When we were dating before he was really kind at first and then yes he started showing his true colors. He becomes a completely different person when he is angry like his body starts convulsing and shaking and he says and does the most horrid things.
He first started throwing things at me, TV remote water bottle - and I spoke to his parents about it and they just brushed it off. After we got married - I’ve been hit maybe 5 times… not strangled or slapped but like pushed to the ground. Manhandled kicked and pinched until my mid section bruised.
I can’t speak to anyone at all about this… I have no place to vent and if anything no one will believe that my husband is capable because to everyone else he’s the most fun most charismatic guy…
I have told him I won’t tolerate it but he did it again. We are traveling right now and he pushed me to the ground in the club and dragged me by my hair outside yelling and cursing at me.. so many people told him to stop but he didn’t.
What do I do? I have no support. I just want to make him realize I’m a good wife… [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI wasn't sure how to flair this but should also add TW: mention of physical violence.
TL;DR: husband's mental problems, drinking, and compulsive lying are worsening to a concerning degree.
Things have been increasingly worse at home over the last year and a half, turning physical in spring of this year. One thing that has always been consistent, though, is my husband's propensity to lie. About where he's going, how long he'll be gone, how much money he's making/spending, where he is when I call him... just everything.
I always knew he was lying but now I'm realizing just how effortlessly he not only makes up these lies, but I honestly think he believes them himself. I recently found out that a huge fight he started with me in October was over something he completely made up: he got drunk one day at a bar when he was supposed to be at work (not uncommon) and told me that he had called my ex-boyfriend on the phone and that they had talked for 2 hours about me being a "drug addict" (this is something he's started calling me recently, because I was prescribed several medications last year for depression/anxiety and hypothyroidism that worsened after the birth of my second child). He had me honestly freaking out and in tears; he was threatening me that if we get divorced and go to court my ex-boyfriend would be my husband's witness to my "drug addiction" (noting: I take all of my medication as prescribed and have monthly psych appointments and bloodwork done every 2 months, with checkups by my GP).
This was weighing on me until one day I saw my ex online and sent him a message asking what he had talked about with my husband. My ex said he hadn't seen or heard from my husband in years.
That's when I realized that in his drunken state, my husband had made up this entire situation about talking to my ex (this isn't the first time husband has claimed he talks to said ex about me), and the story and details he told me were so intricate my husband surely must have partly believed it himself. And I can see my husband doing that: calling someone on the phone that he knows and talking for 2 hours, then later forgetting who he was talking to so in his drunkenness, deciding he talked to my ex. He's often come home very drunk and not known who I am, so it's not hard to imagine.
I was so angry, feeling like what else has he gaslighted me with? For the last few weeks, I've been abroad with the kids, visiting my parents for the holidays and generally just to get away from him for awhile. He calls to video chat with the kids and will talk to me like nothing is wrong, as usual. The most recent lie that got me was that last week, he lost his phone "at work". His $800 phone that isn't paid off yet.
Giving him the benefit of the doubt I realized that if google locations was enabled on that phone, I could probably track it's last location. So I went into his email (which I set up; he doesn't know how to use email and only me and his friend actually monitor this account for him when he needs to be sending or receiving emails) and I noticed that he's been at the bar every day since we've been gone, at least an hour, up to 5 hours at a time. This also isn't uncommon for him except that last night on the phone he told me he was "so tired" because he's been getting up to work this really hard project he's on (he's in construction) at 6 AM every day "even on weekends" and while he's telling me this, I am literally staring at his google locations (now he has a new phone, that he spent a chunk of our rent money on) and seeing that he has been at the bar every morning from 9:30, going to his work location at 11:45 earliest, and often back to the bar in the afternoon until closing. Which means he's also spending our rent money at the bar.
And yes, I do realize that this compulsive lying is part of a mental illness; he has been diagnosed with adult ADHD but doesn't take his medication and often forgets entire days at a time, so it is really sad to watch his mind just be completely disjunct in this way. It seems like he's getting worse and of course the alcohol is confusing him more.
I used to think all these accusations he made of me were true and then for awhile I was angry I was being gaslit but now I know it's increasingly worse mental illness on his part and it's just so shocking it's sad. At the same time I've had it with trying to help him when he won't admit to himself there are even any problems. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI wasn't sure how to flair this but should also add TW: mention of physical violence.
TL;DR: husband's mental problems, drinking, and compulsive lying are worsening to a concerning degree.
Things have been increasingly worse at home over the last year and a half, turning physical in spring of this year. One thing that has always been consistent, though, is my husband's propensity to lie. About where he's going, how long he'll be gone, how much money he's making/spending, where he is when I call him... just everything.
I always knew he was lying but now I'm realizing just how effortlessly he not only makes up these lies, but I honestly think he believes them himself. I recently found out that a huge fight he started with me in October was over something he completely made up: he got drunk one day at a bar when he was supposed to be at work (not uncommon) and told me that he had called my ex-boyfriend on the phone and that they had talked for 2 hours about me being a "drug addict" (this is something he's started calling me recently, because I was prescribed several medications last year for depression/anxiety and hypothyroidism that worsened after the birth of my second child). He had me honestly freaking out and in tears; he was threatening me that if we get divorced and go to court my ex-boyfriend would be my husband's witness to my "drug addiction" (noting: I take all of my medication as prescribed and have monthly psych appointments and bloodwork done every 2 months, with checkups by my GP).
This was weighing on me until one day I saw my ex online and sent him a message asking what he had talked about with my husband. My ex said he hadn't seen or heard from my husband in years.
That's when I realized that in his drunken state, my husband had made up this entire situation about talking to my ex (this isn't the first time husband has claimed he talks to said ex about me), and the story and details he told me were so intricate my husband surely must have partly believed it himself. And I can see my husband doing that: calling someone on the phone that he knows and talking for 2 hours, then later forgetting who he was talking to so in his drunkenness, deciding he talked to my ex. He's often come home very drunk and not known who I am, so it's not hard to imagine.
I was so angry, feeling like what else has he gaslighted me with? For the last few weeks, I've been abroad with the kids, visiting my parents for the holidays and generally just to get away from him for awhile. He calls to video chat with the kids and will talk to me like nothing is wrong, as usual. The most recent lie that got me was that last week, he lost his phone "at work". His $800 phone that isn't paid off yet.
Giving him the benefit of the doubt I realized that if google locations was enabled on that phone, I could probably track it's last location. So I went into his email (which I set up; he doesn't know how to use email and only me and his friend actually monitor this account for him when he needs to be sending or receiving emails) and I noticed that he's been at the bar every day since we've been gone, at least an hour, up to 5 hours at a time. This also isn't uncommon for him except that last night on the phone he told me he was "so tired" because he's been getting up to work this really hard project he's on (he's in construction) at 6 AM every day "even on weekends" and while he's telling me this, I am literally staring at his google locations (now he has a new phone, that he spent a chunk of our rent money on) and seeing that he has been at the bar every morning from 9:30, going to his work location at 11:45 earliest, and often back to the bar in the afternoon until closing. Which means he's also spending our rent money at the bar.
And yes, I do realize that this compulsive lying is part of a mental illness; he has been diagnosed with adult ADHD but doesn't take his medication and often forgets entire days at a time, so it is really sad to watch his mind just be completely disjunct in this way. It seems like he's getting worse and of course the alcohol is confusing him more.
I used to think all these accusations he made of me were true and then for awhile I was angry I was being gaslit but now I know it's increasingly worse mental illness on his part and it's just so shocking it's sad. At the same time I've had it with trying to help him when he won't admit to himself there are even any problems. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI was in an abusive marriage for ten years and left about 4 years ago. I spent a lot of time by myself, becoming independent and healing as fully as I could before I started dating again. While dating, I met many liars and abusive men and spotted red flags a mile away and felt safe in my own awareness and willingness to walk away.
I met a guy 2 years ago, we got on really well and became really close over the first or second Covid lockdown. He lives 60 miles away so the relationship has mostly been long distance and visiting each other once or twice a week. He is an immigrant so there are a huge number of cultural differences that have been both amazing and challenging. One of the really apparent issues is that his culture is fundamentally sexist with the general belief that women are owned by men. He, himself, does not agree with this but sometimes his actions demonstrate that that belief is in there somewhere.
We had a horrible experience this weekend and it’s making me see everything in a strange light and now my memories of red flags are coming flooding into my mind. I’m going to list them.
This weekend. He got jealous over something and I spent some time trying to reassure him. I put my head on his knee and he tapped his knuckles on my head 5 times. I immediately said “I didn’t like that” and he kept insisting he didn’t hit me hard enough to hurt me. I kept telling him that he did, because it hurt. We ended up in a huge fight with my screaming and crying, demanding he leave because he refused to apologise and gaslighted me to my face, obviously it was hard enough to hurt me because I was hurt.
The next day I got serious neck injury, I can’t think about any cause other than him hitting the back of my head. I told him I thought that was why my neck hurt and he started laughing at me. I told him my dad didn’t find it funny and was concerned, and he shouted at me for “running to my dad saying I hit you” I’m like, you did though? I have ended up doubting myself because I had been drinking and because he is so adamant. It makes me feel sick to question myself like that, it’s starting to make me feel dissociative and panicky.
A few months ago we went through a break up (we’re not really bf and gf, more like casual relationship) and didn’t talk for 2 weeks. He came to my house to drop off a present and I happened to have a male friend over at the time, we were just chatting and playing guitar. My ex dropped the present off, drove away and then came back 20 mins later. He knocked on the door and I answered it and we had a brief chat. He later told me he was planning on storming in and “catch” us having sex. This was enormous alarm bells to me that he felt entitled to come into my house and “catch” me doing anything.
I believe he talks about me in his native language with his friends but I can’t understand what he’s saying. But sometimes I’ll know he’s talking about me on the phone, there will be some backwards and forwards and laughing, and then the convo will move on. If I ask what was said he will say something simply like “my friend asked how you are and I said you were ok” and I don’t believe that he’s telling the truth because what I heard was more words and more humourless/banter back and forth than what he’s reporting. Obviously I can’t prove it. I asked if his friends have a nickname for me (he said they do for everyone) and he smirked and then refused to tell me, then said I was imagining that he smirked and they didn’t have any nicknames for me. The whole thing turned into a fight when it didn’t have to.
During sex he is sometimes inappropriate. He has recorded me doing stuff then lied when I noticed and said he didn’t record anything, and was just watching me on the selfie camera but not recording. I’m not the kind of person to rip someone’s phone out of their hand so I can’t prove it. But even that I feel is an invasion of my privacy. He has also blatantly disrespected my direct withdrawal consent, even penetrating me with his fingers when I’ve specifically told him not to, touching parts of my body when I’ve specifically told him not to.
Part of the problem of why I can’t decide what’s going on (even though I’m reading back over that and it’s obviously wrong) is because my marriage was SO abusive that this seems mild in comparison. I also have PTSD and tend to forget triggers immediately. I have forgotten entire days and conversations immediately after they happen and it takes months before I recall them. As a result, so much of what he does is forgotten the second he’s nice to me. And thirdly, this guy love bombs me so much that I’ve become to depend on him a little for finances and for pepping me up. But I have felt like a stranger in my own body for a year now and I’m beginning to think he is the cause of this disconnect. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI was in an abusive marriage for ten years and left about 4 years ago. I spent a lot of time by myself, becoming independent and healing as fully as I could before I started dating again. While dating, I met many liars and abusive men and spotted red flags a mile away and felt safe in my own awareness and willingness to walk away.
I met a guy 2 years ago, we got on really well and became really close over the first or second Covid lockdown. He lives 60 miles away so the relationship has mostly been long distance and visiting each other once or twice a week. He is an immigrant so there are a huge number of cultural differences that have been both amazing and challenging. One of the really apparent issues is that his culture is fundamentally sexist with the general belief that women are owned by men. He, himself, does not agree with this but sometimes his actions demonstrate that that belief is in there somewhere.
We had a horrible experience this weekend and it’s making me see everything in a strange light and now my memories of red flags are coming flooding into my mind. I’m going to list them.
This weekend. He got jealous over something and I spent some time trying to reassure him. I put my head on his knee and he tapped his knuckles on my head 5 times. I immediately said “I didn’t like that” and he kept insisting he didn’t hit me hard enough to hurt me. I kept telling him that he did, because it hurt. We ended up in a huge fight with my screaming and crying, demanding he leave because he refused to apologise and gaslighted me to my face, obviously it was hard enough to hurt me because I was hurt.
The next day I got serious neck injury, I can’t think about any cause other than him hitting the back of my head. I told him I thought that was why my neck hurt and he started laughing at me. I told him my dad didn’t find it funny and was concerned, and he shouted at me for “running to my dad saying I hit you” I’m like, you did though? I have ended up doubting myself because I had been drinking and because he is so adamant. It makes me feel sick to question myself like that, it’s starting to make me feel dissociative and panicky.
A few months ago we went through a break up (we’re not really bf and gf, more like casual relationship) and didn’t talk for 2 weeks. He came to my house to drop off a present and I happened to have a male friend over at the time, we were just chatting and playing guitar. My ex dropped the present off, drove away and then came back 20 mins later. He knocked on the door and I answered it and we had a brief chat. He later told me he was planning on storming in and “catch” us having sex. This was enormous alarm bells to me that he felt entitled to come into my house and “catch” me doing anything.
I believe he talks about me in his native language with his friends but I can’t understand what he’s saying. But sometimes I’ll know he’s talking about me on the phone, there will be some backwards and forwards and laughing, and then the convo will move on. If I ask what was said he will say something simply like “my friend asked how you are and I said you were ok” and I don’t believe that he’s telling the truth because what I heard was more words and more humourless/banter back and forth than what he’s reporting. Obviously I can’t prove it. I asked if his friends have a nickname for me (he said they do for everyone) and he smirked and then refused to tell me, then said I was imagining that he smirked and they didn’t have any nicknames for me. The whole thing turned into a fight when it didn’t have to.
During sex he is sometimes inappropriate. He has recorded me doing stuff then lied when I noticed and said he didn’t record anything, and was just watching me on the selfie camera but not recording. I’m not the kind of person to rip someone’s phone out of their hand so I can’t prove it. But even that I feel is an invasion of my privacy. He has also blatantly disrespected my direct withdrawal consent, even penetrating me with his fingers when I’ve specifically told him not to, touching parts of my body when I’ve specifically told him not to.
Part of the problem of why I can’t decide what’s going on (even though I’m reading back over that and it’s obviously wrong) is because my marriage was SO abusive that this seems mild in comparison. I also have PTSD and tend to forget triggers immediately. I have forgotten entire days and conversations immediately after they happen and it takes months before I recall them. As a result, so much of what he does is forgotten the second he’s nice to me. And thirdly, this guy love bombs me so much that I’ve become to depend on him a little for finances and for pepping me up. But I have felt like a stranger in my own body for a year now and I’m beginning to think he is the cause of this disconnect. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi everyone, I just really need some support right now. I keep thinking this all can’t get worse and then the whole process just proves me wrong over and over again. This is gonna be long so if you have the time to read and respond, I would really really appreciate it.
So I’ve been going through the title ix process of reporting my ex for sexual assault for about 7 months now. I had the hearing over a month ago, got the outcome a few days later, and they were found responsible for only sexual harassment instead. They were only put on academic probation and have to take two short classes on relationships. Meanwhile, the conduct officers severely misunderstood almost everything about the case, believed everything my ex said over me, and ended up blaming me for the assault because they thought I initiated it all, even though neither I nor my ex said that. So naturally, after such a BS outcome, I decided to appeal. My university only gives three options to appeal:
1) The conduct officers did not follow the school’s hearing policy.
2) The outcome was not severe enough to match the violation.
3) There is new information available that could affect the decision made during the hearing.
I chose number 2 because I thought that would encompass the argument that my ex *should* have been found responsible for sexual assault. I wrote a 6 page appeal letter for the application and it was accepted a few weeks ago. I’d say about 90% of it was talking about why I thought my ex should have been found responsible for sexual assault.
Today, however, I had a meeting with the appeals board liaison, and she said that I have to really only appeal on the grounds that the outcome (probation and the two classes) was not severe enough for the sexual harassment charge, and that it I want to talk about how my ex should have been found responsible for sexual assault, I have to frame it under that somehow. Also, if the appeals board decides that there is enough evidence that the conduct officers made the wrong decision in terms of not finding my ex responsible for sexual assault, then the most they can do is remand it for a new hearing.
The part about having to go through a rehearing makes sense, but what does not make sense to me is that I couldn’t directly appeal the decision the conduct officers made about my ex not being responsible for sexual assault and all of the blatant mistakes the conduct officers made in misunderstanding the case, blindly believing my ex over me, and then blaming me with no evidence. There should have been a fourth option under the reasons to appeal for that. Now I have to basically find a way to wheedle my entire argument into another that barely even relates, and then possibly go through a rehearing, which the liaison told me today that my school has not allowed for a rehearing the entire two years she’s worked there, so the chances of that happening are slim-to-none.
I don’t want to go through this anymore. I definitely don’t want to have to go through another hearing. But I also don’t want to let my ex get away with this and let the conduct officers get away with doing their job so extremely badly that they think blindly accepting what the accused says is fine and that blaming the victim for their own assault is acceptable, because they’ll probably turn around and do it to the next person who reports.
Unfortunately, this is bigger than just getting justice for what my ex did to me now. I have to fight to not be blamed for my ex’s decision to assault me and also to protect the next person who reports so that it won’t happen to them too. And now I have to do it in the most round about way possible because my school doesn’t allow an option to appeal that they f*cked up.
I know this will absolutely run me into the ground and then some, but I can’t just lay down and give up now. ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi everyone, I just really need some support right now. I keep thinking this all can’t get worse and then the whole process just proves me wrong over and over again. This is gonna be long so if you have the time to read and respond, I would really really appreciate it.
So I’ve been going through the title ix process of reporting my ex for sexual assault for about 7 months now. I had the hearing over a month ago, got the outcome a few days later, and they were found responsible for only sexual harassment instead. They were only put on academic probation and have to take two short classes on relationships. Meanwhile, the conduct officers severely misunderstood almost everything about the case, believed everything my ex said over me, and ended up blaming me for the assault because they thought I initiated it all, even though neither I nor my ex said that. So naturally, after such a BS outcome, I decided to appeal. My university only gives three options to appeal:
1) The conduct officers did not follow the school’s hearing policy.
2) The outcome was not severe enough to match the violation.
3) There is new information available that could affect the decision made during the hearing.
I chose number 2 because I thought that would encompass the argument that my ex *should* have been found responsible for sexual assault. I wrote a 6 page appeal letter for the application and it was accepted a few weeks ago. I’d say about 90% of it was talking about why I thought my ex should have been found responsible for sexual assault.
Today, however, I had a meeting with the appeals board liaison, and she said that I have to really only appeal on the grounds that the outcome (probation and the two classes) was not severe enough for the sexual harassment charge, and that it I want to talk about how my ex should have been found responsible for sexual assault, I have to frame it under that somehow. Also, if the appeals board decides that there is enough evidence that the conduct officers made the wrong decision in terms of not finding my ex responsible for sexual assault, then the most they can do is remand it for a new hearing.
The part about having to go through a rehearing makes sense, but what does not make sense to me is that I couldn’t directly appeal the decision the conduct officers made about my ex not being responsible for sexual assault and all of the blatant mistakes the conduct officers made in misunderstanding the case, blindly believing my ex over me, and then blaming me with no evidence. There should have been a fourth option under the reasons to appeal for that. Now I have to basically find a way to wheedle my entire argument into another that barely even relates, and then possibly go through a rehearing, which the liaison told me today that my school has not allowed for a rehearing the entire two years she’s worked there, so the chances of that happening are slim-to-none.
I don’t want to go through this anymore. I definitely don’t want to have to go through another hearing. But I also don’t want to let my ex get away with this and let the conduct officers get away with doing their job so extremely badly that they think blindly accepting what the accused says is fine and that blaming the victim for their own assault is acceptable, because they’ll probably turn around and do it to the next person who reports.
Unfortunately, this is bigger than just getting justice for what my ex did to me now. I have to fight to not be blamed for my ex’s decision to assault me and also to protect the next person who reports so that it won’t happen to them too. And now I have to do it in the most round about way possible because my school doesn’t allow an option to appeal that they f*cked up.
I know this will absolutely run me into the ground and then some, but I can’t just lay down and give up now. [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi,
I am 31F and my bf is 37M, we have been together for 3 years. We are currently LDR due to the pandemic. He had a porn addiction in the past (which he claims to have gotten over, but I obviously have my doubts) as there has been no intimacy per say in 20 months.
As far as I know there is no infidelity and he has never given me any reason to believe so, he has been very good at being transparent with his life with me. Obviously due to the lack of his sexual interest towards me (and comparing my body to exes in the past, stating the just preffered athletic body types like theirs more and had to get used to mine. Making comments about my weight, indicating I was fat when I'm not. I'm 105lbs and his exes weighed 50lbs more than me and never worked out so the athletic part is still a mystery) we have gotten into a lot of fights as my needs weren't being met.
A year ago I saw he was following a lot of women he didn't know on instagram and liking their pictures. I was deeply upset because he had rejected my pictures in the past saying they make him "uncomfortable" and shows no lust towards me, but does to other women. I told him I don't believe his addiction has stopped and I found this behaviour disrespectful. He unfollowed them all and since then I thought things were ok, but a year later...
I see he is adding women again for the past month he doesn't know again but not on insta, but facebook. As if he thought I wouldn't notice. They're all in different countries, very poor, living in slums by what looks like it and the most concerning part is that all of them are underage, I'm talking about 30+ girls way under 18. Also a month ago we had a big fall out where he tried to break up with me cause he says he feels "anxiety" when I text him because we fight so much, but he changed his mind 5 days later claiming he decided he does love me. A week after this incident he changed our relationship status on facebook went from public, to friends only. It was the only thing that confirmed our relationship publicly (took me a year to ask him to please change it) as he hasn't got one single picture of me on his facebook after 3 years (yet he has hundreds of pics of his exes and was with them a shorter period of time) and he would go out of his way to take pictures excluding me. I haven't brought this up with him as I was scared of another fight and being dumped on the spot again for bringing up a concern. While I don't think he is a cheater, this behaviour certainly doesn't bode well with me and is making me believe he is capable of it due to not respecting boundaries.
I feel ashamed, humiliated, disrespected and worthless. He knows that it was important to me to have us showing as in a relationship on social media, he knows it is important to me he doesn't add women just cause he fancies them (it's disrespectful) and given how I have been treated it sure doesn't help my self esteem.
I'm an attractive woman, I am a model. If I wasn't attractive I wouldn't be hired, but he sure is treating me like I'm not good enough. He even said I'm the most attractive woman he has ever been with.
I want to bring this up with him again one last time, but the problem is that he is extremely defensive and threatens to either end the relationship on the spot so I get scared and become compliant or he screams and shouts at me and I'm scared of that happening too. I don't like that I have been keeping quiet about this for a month due to fear of his defensiveness, but I do need to communicate and talk about it. If he acts like a jerk then so be it, but I just wanna do it right and have a normal civil conversation in a curious way, heck knows maybe I'm misinterpreting things and there could be a reason to this? I don't know, is there anything I can say that would be less likely to get a defensive response and for me to stand tall? If it doesn't work obviously I will have to walk away, I just believe a conversation is necessary.
Sorry for the long post and thank you to whoever read this, I appreciate you.
TL;DR: Bf is following underage girls on social media and is usually very defensive if I ask any questions or have concerns about the relationship, how can communicate this to him in a calm healthy way?
\*Is this DV? I'm worried, I was sent here after all\* ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi,
I am 31F and my bf is 37M, we have been together for 3 years. We are currently LDR due to the pandemic. He had a porn addiction in the past (which he claims to have gotten over, but I obviously have my doubts) as there has been no intimacy per say in 20 months.
As far as I know there is no infidelity and he has never given me any reason to believe so, he has been very good at being transparent with his life with me. Obviously due to the lack of his sexual interest towards me (and comparing my body to exes in the past, stating the just preffered athletic body types like theirs more and had to get used to mine. Making comments about my weight, indicating I was fat when I'm not. I'm 105lbs and his exes weighed 50lbs more than me and never worked out so the athletic part is still a mystery) we have gotten into a lot of fights as my needs weren't being met.
A year ago I saw he was following a lot of women he didn't know on instagram and liking their pictures. I was deeply upset because he had rejected my pictures in the past saying they make him "uncomfortable" and shows no lust towards me, but does to other women. I told him I don't believe his addiction has stopped and I found this behaviour disrespectful. He unfollowed them all and since then I thought things were ok, but a year later...
I see he is adding women again for the past month he doesn't know again but not on insta, but facebook. As if he thought I wouldn't notice. They're all in different countries, very poor, living in slums by what looks like it and the most concerning part is that all of them are underage, I'm talking about 30+ girls way under 18. Also a month ago we had a big fall out where he tried to break up with me cause he says he feels "anxiety" when I text him because we fight so much, but he changed his mind 5 days later claiming he decided he does love me. A week after this incident he changed our relationship status on facebook went from public, to friends only. It was the only thing that confirmed our relationship publicly (took me a year to ask him to please change it) as he hasn't got one single picture of me on his facebook after 3 years (yet he has hundreds of pics of his exes and was with them a shorter period of time) and he would go out of his way to take pictures excluding me. I haven't brought this up with him as I was scared of another fight and being dumped on the spot again for bringing up a concern. While I don't think he is a cheater, this behaviour certainly doesn't bode well with me and is making me believe he is capable of it due to not respecting boundaries.
I feel ashamed, humiliated, disrespected and worthless. He knows that it was important to me to have us showing as in a relationship on social media, he knows it is important to me he doesn't add women just cause he fancies them (it's disrespectful) and given how I have been treated it sure doesn't help my self esteem.
I'm an attractive woman, I am a model. If I wasn't attractive I wouldn't be hired, but he sure is treating me like I'm not good enough. He even said I'm the most attractive woman he has ever been with.
I want to bring this up with him again one last time, but the problem is that he is extremely defensive and threatens to either end the relationship on the spot so I get scared and become compliant or he screams and shouts at me and I'm scared of that happening too. I don't like that I have been keeping quiet about this for a month due to fear of his defensiveness, but I do need to communicate and talk about it. If he acts like a jerk then so be it, but I just wanna do it right and have a normal civil conversation in a curious way, heck knows maybe I'm misinterpreting things and there could be a reason to this? I don't know, is there anything I can say that would be less likely to get a defensive response and for me to stand tall? If it doesn't work obviously I will have to walk away, I just believe a conversation is necessary.
Sorry for the long post and thank you to whoever read this, I appreciate you.
TL;DR: Bf is following underage girls on social media and is usually very defensive if I ask any questions or have concerns about the relationship, how can communicate this to him in a calm healthy way?
\*Is this DV? I'm worried, I was sent here after all\* [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentShit hit the fan almost a week ago now and I've been back living with my mom for 4 days. I only knew it was a matter of time before he contacted me. He sent a cute little message saying he's sorry, he wants to coparent, he wants to be united raising our baby, that he loves us- and for a second I second guessed my decision to file a VPO. I wondered if I did the right thing and if I had overreacted. I got scared because I knew once he was served he would be very angry and probably find a way to contact me again and threaten me. But then I had to remember that he put the baby's life in danger when he put his hands on me, and I had to remember that his abuse had been going on for a year and that there was always an apology and a love bomb at the beginning of the cycle. Had to remember that what I was doing was to protect myself, and my baby and that even though I had been desensitized to a lot of the abuse he was dishing out, I had multiple people that confirmed his actions were indeed forms of abuse. I'm just trying to remain calm, and unafraid, leading up to this court date.. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentShit hit the fan almost a week ago now and I've been back living with my mom for 4 days. I only knew it was a matter of time before he contacted me. He sent a cute little message saying he's sorry, he wants to coparent, he wants to be united raising our baby, that he loves us- and for a second I second guessed my decision to file a VPO. I wondered if I did the right thing and if I had overreacted. I got scared because I knew once he was served he would be very angry and probably find a way to contact me again and threaten me. But then I had to remember that he put the baby's life in danger when he put his hands on me, and I had to remember that his abuse had been going on for a year and that there was always an apology and a love bomb at the beginning of the cycle. Had to remember that what I was doing was to protect myself, and my baby and that even though I had been desensitized to a lot of the abuse he was dishing out, I had multiple people that confirmed his actions were indeed forms of abuse. I'm just trying to remain calm, and unafraid, leading up to this court date.. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHey! Thanks to everyone who leaves any bit of advice, anything would be appreciated.
So, this might be a longish post which I apologize for. My boyfriend (24) and me(22) have been dating for 4 years. He’s a super sweet guy and he’s bipolar. Throughout the first 3 and like a half years of our relationship we’ve had no real issues, the only exception being him cheating on me, but I forgave him for that (please don’t judge me for that lol).
A few months ago we had an argument because he thought I was fucking my co-worker, who he knows is gay and he slapped me. He apologized, explained that he was manic and basically said it wasn’t his fault, he had been up for like over a day so I believed him. Since then it happened 4 more times, every time he told me he was manic and didn’t mean to do it. Yesterday after being up again for over a day he chocked me because I laughed at a joke in a movie, like it was for nothing. After he calmed down I told him that he can’t keep blaming being bipolar, that he should talk to his therapist about it and he essentially yelled at me, saying I was bullying him for his mental illness and calling me a bitch for not wanting to stick with him, saying he might not be alive if I left, even though I didn’t even say I wanted to leave I just wanted him to like figure out why this keeps happening. He said that if I stop flirting with other guys, and just be more pleasant and helpful when he’s manic or depressive, this wouldn’t happen.
Is he right? He is really nice to me like literally 99 per cent and I really don’t know much about mental health, I’d really hate to be like making him worse. My best friend thinks he’s just using the mental health as an excuse but I think he’s really suffering, what do you think? Please be nice ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHey! Thanks to everyone who leaves any bit of advice, anything would be appreciated.
So, this might be a longish post which I apologize for. My boyfriend (24) and me(22) have been dating for 4 years. He’s a super sweet guy and he’s bipolar. Throughout the first 3 and like a half years of our relationship we’ve had no real issues, the only exception being him cheating on me, but I forgave him for that (please don’t judge me for that lol).
A few months ago we had an argument because he thought I was fucking my co-worker, who he knows is gay and he slapped me. He apologized, explained that he was manic and basically said it wasn’t his fault, he had been up for like over a day so I believed him. Since then it happened 4 more times, every time he told me he was manic and didn’t mean to do it. Yesterday after being up again for over a day he chocked me because I laughed at a joke in a movie, like it was for nothing. After he calmed down I told him that he can’t keep blaming being bipolar, that he should talk to his therapist about it and he essentially yelled at me, saying I was bullying him for his mental illness and calling me a bitch for not wanting to stick with him, saying he might not be alive if I left, even though I didn’t even say I wanted to leave I just wanted him to like figure out why this keeps happening. He said that if I stop flirting with other guys, and just be more pleasant and helpful when he’s manic or depressive, this wouldn’t happen.
Is he right? He is really nice to me like literally 99 per cent and I really don’t know much about mental health, I’d really hate to be like making him worse. My best friend thinks he’s just using the mental health as an excuse but I think he’s really suffering, what do you think? Please be nice [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’m curious, what has your experience been with the time between physical incidents of abuse? These things happen in cycles, but I know that a “calm” period can lull me into a false sense of security. I would like to hear what some have seen as the longer periods between episodes and how it made you feel. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’m curious, what has your experience been with the time between physical incidents of abuse? These things happen in cycles, but I know that a “calm” period can lull me into a false sense of security. I would like to hear what some have seen as the longer periods between episodes and how it made you feel. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy sister's husband has been abusing her the first time it happened she did call the police on him he went to jail only over night and was let right back out. The thing is they live together and she has no where to go. We are not in the same state at the moment so I can not just pick her up and bring her to me. What other things can she do besides getting a restraining order. I have sent her national DV numbers she said they give her tips on what to do and bottom line is call police. She tried calling a few shelters but they tell her to call back the next day. And it happened again today. What are some numbers help lines or tips I can give her???? ###Assistant:Shelters/ DV center/ Agency | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy sister's husband has been abusing her the first time it happened she did call the police on him he went to jail only over night and was let right back out. The thing is they live together and she has no where to go. We are not in the same state at the moment so I can not just pick her up and bring her to me. What other things can she do besides getting a restraining order. I have sent her national DV numbers she said they give her tips on what to do and bottom line is call police. She tried calling a few shelters but they tell her to call back the next day. And it happened again today. What are some numbers help lines or tips I can give her???? [/INST] Shelters/ DV center/ Agency </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI have somewhat recently gotten out of a mentally and verbally abusive 2 year relationship. We did live together, and most days I feared him waking up because he was constantly in a terrible mood/would throw things/yell at me/hurt himself and blame me/blame everything else/etc.
I’ve moved on since then and have started seeing someone new. He’s very sweet, very respectful of my boundaries and consent, etc. Yesterday he was in a bad mood for the first time since my knowing him, and I immediately got skittish. I’d had no doubts about this guy before, but now I’m incredibly nervous, even though I’m trying to accept that moods are just part of human nature. I know many people get sullen when frustrated or loud when agitated (myself included), I just immediately go back to being stuck in the house with that behavior. I’m going to give him another chance, because I feel like I’m not being rational.
Does anyone have advice, or has anyone been in something similar?
EDIT: Also, we’ve been talking for about a month and seeing each other for three weeks. He knows about my ex. Should I bring up my nervousness and let him know that I prefer things to be talked out/things not to be yelled, or is it too early? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI have somewhat recently gotten out of a mentally and verbally abusive 2 year relationship. We did live together, and most days I feared him waking up because he was constantly in a terrible mood/would throw things/yell at me/hurt himself and blame me/blame everything else/etc.
I’ve moved on since then and have started seeing someone new. He’s very sweet, very respectful of my boundaries and consent, etc. Yesterday he was in a bad mood for the first time since my knowing him, and I immediately got skittish. I’d had no doubts about this guy before, but now I’m incredibly nervous, even though I’m trying to accept that moods are just part of human nature. I know many people get sullen when frustrated or loud when agitated (myself included), I just immediately go back to being stuck in the house with that behavior. I’m going to give him another chance, because I feel like I’m not being rational.
Does anyone have advice, or has anyone been in something similar?
EDIT: Also, we’ve been talking for about a month and seeing each other for three weeks. He knows about my ex. Should I bring up my nervousness and let him know that I prefer things to be talked out/things not to be yelled, or is it too early? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am struggling greatly with processing my situation. The grieving process is..... terrible. It seems like I am battling against anger vs severe depression vs hope every other hour. I’ll try to leave as little context as possible but that might not happen: his first time occurrence led to an arrest for assault. I believe I provoked him and we were equally responsible. The state issued a no contact order and movers were sent to move him out of our home the next day (which killed me.) As I am sure everyone in this group knows, rarely are these overturned. 5-10% to be exact. Over the first week, all I kept thinking was, “for better or worse.” I had lists of contacts and made countless calls and I actually got the DA to lift the no contact order. However, he will not reach out to me, whether because his family has convinced him it is a non-functional relationship or it is of his own accord I don’t think I’ll ever know. I thought it was worth giving him grace. After all, he had given me so much throughout the duration of our time together. I feel like he slammed the door on me. Ghosted me. After being together for years without a single word. Who abandons a person after beating them? I feel like I can forgive the abuse but not the abandonment. I’m enraged. In love. Desperate. Hopeful. Hateful. My family is heartbroken because they loved him and he won’t be around for Christmas. I’m sorry if my situation doesn’t fit the norm but I’m struggling. Advice/ thoughts are welcome because I have my own mental health issues and processing this by myself is proving to feel hopeless. Also keep in mind I was in a severely abusive relationship for 4 years a long time ago so I understand the whole other side as well as wishing the person who hurt you was dead and not being able to wrap your mind around wanting to give someone “grace.” but this feels different. At least in my short term processing .... Thank you. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI am struggling greatly with processing my situation. The grieving process is..... terrible. It seems like I am battling against anger vs severe depression vs hope every other hour. I’ll try to leave as little context as possible but that might not happen: his first time occurrence led to an arrest for assault. I believe I provoked him and we were equally responsible. The state issued a no contact order and movers were sent to move him out of our home the next day (which killed me.) As I am sure everyone in this group knows, rarely are these overturned. 5-10% to be exact. Over the first week, all I kept thinking was, “for better or worse.” I had lists of contacts and made countless calls and I actually got the DA to lift the no contact order. However, he will not reach out to me, whether because his family has convinced him it is a non-functional relationship or it is of his own accord I don’t think I’ll ever know. I thought it was worth giving him grace. After all, he had given me so much throughout the duration of our time together. I feel like he slammed the door on me. Ghosted me. After being together for years without a single word. Who abandons a person after beating them? I feel like I can forgive the abuse but not the abandonment. I’m enraged. In love. Desperate. Hopeful. Hateful. My family is heartbroken because they loved him and he won’t be around for Christmas. I’m sorry if my situation doesn’t fit the norm but I’m struggling. Advice/ thoughts are welcome because I have my own mental health issues and processing this by myself is proving to feel hopeless. Also keep in mind I was in a severely abusive relationship for 4 years a long time ago so I understand the whole other side as well as wishing the person who hurt you was dead and not being able to wrap your mind around wanting to give someone “grace.” but this feels different. At least in my short term processing .... Thank you. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy friend is in a situation where her partner has backed up everything on her phone to his laptop. We don’t understand what this means, but what is a safe way for us to communicate if he does this? Also is there an app that you can alert to someone you need help without it looking like that? She is not ready to leave but I want to make sure we can keep in contact and I can go and get her if the situation escalates? Thanks for your help! ###Assistant:Miscellaneous (Other) | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy friend is in a situation where her partner has backed up everything on her phone to his laptop. We don’t understand what this means, but what is a safe way for us to communicate if he does this? Also is there an app that you can alert to someone you need help without it looking like that? She is not ready to leave but I want to make sure we can keep in contact and I can go and get her if the situation escalates? Thanks for your help! [/INST] Miscellaneous (Other) </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI made a post a couple weeks back about a violent situation with my ex. He is in jail. I had been getting calls from him from jail, all reported. (I have a protective order). I have also gotten a couple calls from someone threatening me that I must get back with him, drop the charges, etc- I figured out how they are tied to him, but am unsure if I can prove/report that. I sent it along to the DA just in case.
Regardless, it is obvious that a piece of paper won’t stop him. And even from jail, he is giving my info out. I am honestly really scared he’ll show up at home or at my work. I am wondering what I can do to protect myself. I have reached out to the local DV agency. I have put up cameras, and am thinking about changing cars, and moving. The police have flagged my address/number.
What else can I do to stay safe? I feel a gun could backfire on me. Would a taser or mace be effective enough?? I just can’t go through what I did, again. Any advice is greatly appreciated ###Assistant:Safety planning | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI made a post a couple weeks back about a violent situation with my ex. He is in jail. I had been getting calls from him from jail, all reported. (I have a protective order). I have also gotten a couple calls from someone threatening me that I must get back with him, drop the charges, etc- I figured out how they are tied to him, but am unsure if I can prove/report that. I sent it along to the DA just in case.
Regardless, it is obvious that a piece of paper won’t stop him. And even from jail, he is giving my info out. I am honestly really scared he’ll show up at home or at my work. I am wondering what I can do to protect myself. I have reached out to the local DV agency. I have put up cameras, and am thinking about changing cars, and moving. The police have flagged my address/number.
What else can I do to stay safe? I feel a gun could backfire on me. Would a taser or mace be effective enough?? I just can’t go through what I did, again. Any advice is greatly appreciated [/INST] Safety planning </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy boyfriend and I just moved into a new place this week, a two-family home split straight down the middle, with several roommates (who already lived here). Tonight around 6 p.m., my boyfriend and I heard respectively, “can anyone hear me” and “help me”, but somewhat muffled and neither of us could tell where it was coming from or whether we heard it correctly. There was a ton of screaming so my boyfriend ran outside but no one was there and after that we didn’t hear anything else. We had no way of knowing where it was coming from and if we heard correctly, and this would be a terrible neighborhood to bring police into on vague accusations of harm. We decided to keep an eye and ear out for anything else - I’m not sure if we made a mistake here.
Around 1:30 tonight we heard two women arguing, mostly what sounded like the woman from earlier. Lot’s of screaming. “I’m going to fucking murder you!”, and it really sounded like the woman who screamed around 6, but we don’t want to say we’re certain. However if it wasn’t her, there would have had to been four people there, because the third voice was distinct. That voice said “don’t do it dont do it don’t do it”. Extremely loud screaming. There was crashing and bumping and lots of noise, it shook our room multiple times -really intense. I heard a man’s voice - not yelling, so not distinct enough to know what he said - and some more movement and nothing since then.
I’m very frightened but also very confused about what is even going on here - what should we do? We didn’t know it was coming from next door earlier, and of course we cannot and would not just ignore this - but I’m terrified of endangering anyone’s safety by involving the police. I’m sure this is an incredibly delicate situation and I am really just terrified for whoever is in that house. ###Assistant:Police | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy boyfriend and I just moved into a new place this week, a two-family home split straight down the middle, with several roommates (who already lived here). Tonight around 6 p.m., my boyfriend and I heard respectively, “can anyone hear me” and “help me”, but somewhat muffled and neither of us could tell where it was coming from or whether we heard it correctly. There was a ton of screaming so my boyfriend ran outside but no one was there and after that we didn’t hear anything else. We had no way of knowing where it was coming from and if we heard correctly, and this would be a terrible neighborhood to bring police into on vague accusations of harm. We decided to keep an eye and ear out for anything else - I’m not sure if we made a mistake here.
Around 1:30 tonight we heard two women arguing, mostly what sounded like the woman from earlier. Lot’s of screaming. “I’m going to fucking murder you!”, and it really sounded like the woman who screamed around 6, but we don’t want to say we’re certain. However if it wasn’t her, there would have had to been four people there, because the third voice was distinct. That voice said “don’t do it dont do it don’t do it”. Extremely loud screaming. There was crashing and bumping and lots of noise, it shook our room multiple times -really intense. I heard a man’s voice - not yelling, so not distinct enough to know what he said - and some more movement and nothing since then.
I’m very frightened but also very confused about what is even going on here - what should we do? We didn’t know it was coming from next door earlier, and of course we cannot and would not just ignore this - but I’m terrified of endangering anyone’s safety by involving the police. I’m sure this is an incredibly delicate situation and I am really just terrified for whoever is in that house. [/INST] Police </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content🛑UPDATED POST: SATURDAY NOVEMBER 13, 2021 at 5:51 pm 🛑
UPDATE HERE: I almost took my dog and left yesterday. He is angry and full of rage.
I swear he has been on a warpath since July when I sold an investment property and made over $700K. He is in a jealous fury.
He hasn’t hit me since August, when he hit me in the back of the neck and couldn’t walk for several days but his behavior, his attitude is getting worse every day.
Since July, he has constantly, several times a week, he has called me bad, really bad names and constantly calling me fat, nasty, old. He’s been on a warpath of rage.
Yesterday, I told him I was leaving (I know, I should not have told him)
He was enraged. All day. I was really ready to just go.
Just walk away. But I’m afraid of what he will do to me. When we first married, 2 months into our marriage he had me wrongfully arrested. I understand now. He wanted to make me afraid so when he beat on me, I wouldn’t call the police.
I told him a week before our 8th wedding anniversary that I was leaving him. Well, he was on his best behavior, being kind, talking nice then, we came home from being out on our anniversary, the next day, I woke up on and I heard the Lord say the moment I opened my eyes,
“He can do it again. Then take off.”
That very same day, he threatened to make up lies and put me in jail again.He raised hell from Tuesday November 2 until Friday November 5 until we had a friend come in town for the weekend. Then he was perfect.
Well, the moment our friend left on Monday, here comes his anger and rage. It’s non stop. He won’t even work.
Today, we ate lunch at a restaurant and he really showed himself. He acted like a fool, just an embarrassment and I was cussed out all the way home. He told me he was punishing me for wanting to leave him.
The past few months, The Lord gave me a revelation. Just 2 months after we were married, I heard The Lord say to me “Pray to be protected from your husband”.
I realized a few weeks ago, The Lord never told me any different. It’s been 8 years.🛑END OF UPDATE NOVEMBER 13, 2021 🛑
My husband is extremely, violently abusive.Tonight, he called me a fat, overweight bitch for the last time.Due to his pattern of abuse, he will become physically violent in the next day or so. It gets worse every time. I’ve been going through this for 9 years.Children are all grown. Money not an issue.A shelter isn’t an option, I don’t trust them and I don’t trust the police.Im thinking of getting a hotel and hiring a lawyer. He will be absolutely devastated losing me.
Thoughts? How would you just disappear?How would you just leave?!
🛑 UPDATE: Thursday, November 11, 2021 734pm. 🛑So many of you have given excellent advice and I want to give an update of where I am with all this: It was suggested to me here to download and read, “Why does he do that?”. I’m only half way through the book and it has been eye opening. I’m getting answers and clarification that I have desperately needed. It was such a revelation, it was like a bright spot light went off. 💡
When my husband woke up this morning , he must have sensed something different about me, without me saying a word. It’s been yet another day of him acting out, blaming me for hours on end non-stop, putting me down, attempting to convince me that I am his problem. He is angry. Very angry.
While this went on all day, I remained at peace. I didn’t defend myself, I didn’t yell, I didn’t cry, I didn’t talk back. I just sat quietly, literally unmoved by his words/actions while he blamed me, cussed me, told me I was stupid, towered over me yelling/cussing or when he stood in the doorway and yelled/cussed. Before, I would defend myself and talk back, I would argue with him, I would cry…
So I told him that I’m not sure if we should stay married, I would give him plenty of money, a vehicle, anything he wanted from inside our home if he wanted to leave. That made him extremely angry. Big mad. (I know I should NOT have said that…)
Here is a concern: I saw a look today that I haven’t seen in years. I saw a look that says “revenge“. A look that says, “I’m going to pay you back for this because I’m losing control of you“. A look that says, “violence, harm, deception“. It was the same look he gave me 9 years ago, only two months after we married, and he had me wrongfully arrested, put a restraining order against me, making up lies, abusing me yet saying he was afraid of me (he is 5 foot 10 inches, 270 pounds, solid muscle and I’m 5 foot 4 inches and 124 pounds, calling me fat/obese). He left me abandoned, broke and struggling. It took a year to get through that legal and financial mess. I filed for divorce after one year, he then came running back home and yet here we are.
I‘ve read every comment here. Honestly, until right now, I didn’t take serious the comments that said “Don’t tell him you are leaving” or “Don’t let him know your plans”. I wanted to think in my mind that if he knew, he would be devastated and would change. The truth is, the only thing that came out of me telling him, it made him more revengeful and even angrier.
So I gave him assurance I wouldn’t leave him. And now I continue reading my book, getting more revelation, while gathering my important things, making my plans, hoping he doesn’t do something evil to me in the meantime. Like having me arrested again, crying he is a victim. I will say again, I’ve seen that evil look before. I‘m grateful this time that I have years of video and medical proof this time of his abuse.
🏳I’m never alone so I can’t call so does anyone know if you can chat with a domestic violence hotline so I can have some initial proof that can be documented, in advance, in case he tries to have me arrested again?Any other suggestion of a legal person/entity I can email/chat with to send documentation to help me?I‘m thinking he would do it just to “put me in my place” and to give him some time to gather expensive items from our home to sell then take off. I’ve hidden all the jewelry but that doesn’t mean he won’t find it. One of the items is a watch I bought him for $8K.
Thoughts??Advice??
&#x200B; ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content🛑UPDATED POST: SATURDAY NOVEMBER 13, 2021 at 5:51 pm 🛑
UPDATE HERE: I almost took my dog and left yesterday. He is angry and full of rage.
I swear he has been on a warpath since July when I sold an investment property and made over $700K. He is in a jealous fury.
He hasn’t hit me since August, when he hit me in the back of the neck and couldn’t walk for several days but his behavior, his attitude is getting worse every day.
Since July, he has constantly, several times a week, he has called me bad, really bad names and constantly calling me fat, nasty, old. He’s been on a warpath of rage.
Yesterday, I told him I was leaving (I know, I should not have told him)
He was enraged. All day. I was really ready to just go.
Just walk away. But I’m afraid of what he will do to me. When we first married, 2 months into our marriage he had me wrongfully arrested. I understand now. He wanted to make me afraid so when he beat on me, I wouldn’t call the police.
I told him a week before our 8th wedding anniversary that I was leaving him. Well, he was on his best behavior, being kind, talking nice then, we came home from being out on our anniversary, the next day, I woke up on and I heard the Lord say the moment I opened my eyes,
“He can do it again. Then take off.”
That very same day, he threatened to make up lies and put me in jail again.He raised hell from Tuesday November 2 until Friday November 5 until we had a friend come in town for the weekend. Then he was perfect.
Well, the moment our friend left on Monday, here comes his anger and rage. It’s non stop. He won’t even work.
Today, we ate lunch at a restaurant and he really showed himself. He acted like a fool, just an embarrassment and I was cussed out all the way home. He told me he was punishing me for wanting to leave him.
The past few months, The Lord gave me a revelation. Just 2 months after we were married, I heard The Lord say to me “Pray to be protected from your husband”.
I realized a few weeks ago, The Lord never told me any different. It’s been 8 years.🛑END OF UPDATE NOVEMBER 13, 2021 🛑
My husband is extremely, violently abusive.Tonight, he called me a fat, overweight bitch for the last time.Due to his pattern of abuse, he will become physically violent in the next day or so. It gets worse every time. I’ve been going through this for 9 years.Children are all grown. Money not an issue.A shelter isn’t an option, I don’t trust them and I don’t trust the police.Im thinking of getting a hotel and hiring a lawyer. He will be absolutely devastated losing me.
Thoughts? How would you just disappear?How would you just leave?!
🛑 UPDATE: Thursday, November 11, 2021 734pm. 🛑So many of you have given excellent advice and I want to give an update of where I am with all this: It was suggested to me here to download and read, “Why does he do that?”. I’m only half way through the book and it has been eye opening. I’m getting answers and clarification that I have desperately needed. It was such a revelation, it was like a bright spot light went off. 💡
When my husband woke up this morning , he must have sensed something different about me, without me saying a word. It’s been yet another day of him acting out, blaming me for hours on end non-stop, putting me down, attempting to convince me that I am his problem. He is angry. Very angry.
While this went on all day, I remained at peace. I didn’t defend myself, I didn’t yell, I didn’t cry, I didn’t talk back. I just sat quietly, literally unmoved by his words/actions while he blamed me, cussed me, told me I was stupid, towered over me yelling/cussing or when he stood in the doorway and yelled/cussed. Before, I would defend myself and talk back, I would argue with him, I would cry…
So I told him that I’m not sure if we should stay married, I would give him plenty of money, a vehicle, anything he wanted from inside our home if he wanted to leave. That made him extremely angry. Big mad. (I know I should NOT have said that…)
Here is a concern: I saw a look today that I haven’t seen in years. I saw a look that says “revenge“. A look that says, “I’m going to pay you back for this because I’m losing control of you“. A look that says, “violence, harm, deception“. It was the same look he gave me 9 years ago, only two months after we married, and he had me wrongfully arrested, put a restraining order against me, making up lies, abusing me yet saying he was afraid of me (he is 5 foot 10 inches, 270 pounds, solid muscle and I’m 5 foot 4 inches and 124 pounds, calling me fat/obese). He left me abandoned, broke and struggling. It took a year to get through that legal and financial mess. I filed for divorce after one year, he then came running back home and yet here we are.
I‘ve read every comment here. Honestly, until right now, I didn’t take serious the comments that said “Don’t tell him you are leaving” or “Don’t let him know your plans”. I wanted to think in my mind that if he knew, he would be devastated and would change. The truth is, the only thing that came out of me telling him, it made him more revengeful and even angrier.
So I gave him assurance I wouldn’t leave him. And now I continue reading my book, getting more revelation, while gathering my important things, making my plans, hoping he doesn’t do something evil to me in the meantime. Like having me arrested again, crying he is a victim. I will say again, I’ve seen that evil look before. I‘m grateful this time that I have years of video and medical proof this time of his abuse.
🏳I’m never alone so I can’t call so does anyone know if you can chat with a domestic violence hotline so I can have some initial proof that can be documented, in advance, in case he tries to have me arrested again?Any other suggestion of a legal person/entity I can email/chat with to send documentation to help me?I‘m thinking he would do it just to “put me in my place” and to give him some time to gather expensive items from our home to sell then take off. I’ve hidden all the jewelry but that doesn’t mean he won’t find it. One of the items is a watch I bought him for $8K.
Thoughts??Advice??
&#x200B; [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy ex is currently in AA and has been sober since I left the marriage in the beginning of 2019.
Our marriage was very difficult and when he was using, he could become verbally and emotionally abusive. Sometimes it became physical.
Issue is our child thinks the world of him, like he can do no wrong. She loves him very much. It’s very important to her that we get along.
All of 2019, I hated him. All the resentment and anger I was holding in the past 11 years was finally able to surface.
When our divorce finalized in 2020, I started to soften towards him. Becoming more friendly, no longer tensing up when he was around.
Someone in another thread pointed out that abuse survivors may want to explore forgiving their abusers. ‘Forgive those that don’t deserve your forgiveness’ And so I did, for my daughter’s sake.
I even invited him over for Christmas since he had nowhere to go.
Is it strange? I’m feeling judgement from people in my life who think I shouldn’t give him the time of day. Some may even think I’m still in love with him (I am not!). Just wanted to see if anyone has gone through the same experience. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy ex is currently in AA and has been sober since I left the marriage in the beginning of 2019.
Our marriage was very difficult and when he was using, he could become verbally and emotionally abusive. Sometimes it became physical.
Issue is our child thinks the world of him, like he can do no wrong. She loves him very much. It’s very important to her that we get along.
All of 2019, I hated him. All the resentment and anger I was holding in the past 11 years was finally able to surface.
When our divorce finalized in 2020, I started to soften towards him. Becoming more friendly, no longer tensing up when he was around.
Someone in another thread pointed out that abuse survivors may want to explore forgiving their abusers. ‘Forgive those that don’t deserve your forgiveness’ And so I did, for my daughter’s sake.
I even invited him over for Christmas since he had nowhere to go.
Is it strange? I’m feeling judgement from people in my life who think I shouldn’t give him the time of day. Some may even think I’m still in love with him (I am not!). Just wanted to see if anyone has gone through the same experience. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThe real culprit is within the walls of family law. The court system, the Children’s Division, police, etc. (& it doesn’t matter what city/county you reside - it’s all crooked)…they all perpetuate the problem. Until there’s a total overhaul of the “system”, DV will never end. It will only continue to get worse. Never forget that (& never trust anyone in the system - ever). ###Assistant:Legal | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentThe real culprit is within the walls of family law. The court system, the Children’s Division, police, etc. (& it doesn’t matter what city/county you reside - it’s all crooked)…they all perpetuate the problem. Until there’s a total overhaul of the “system”, DV will never end. It will only continue to get worse. Never forget that (& never trust anyone in the system - ever). [/INST] Legal </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI have already left a 10 year marriage. 2 kids together, so I must deal with this person on some level. But when I first left I called the cops many times on him. Recently I filed a protective order and I asked for the police reports on all the times I called the police as part of evidence. The report was totally against me, as if he is some angel and I am the crazy one for calling the cops on him. It angers me to read this report and confirms that he can “talk his way out of anything.” ###Assistant:Police | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI have already left a 10 year marriage. 2 kids together, so I must deal with this person on some level. But when I first left I called the cops many times on him. Recently I filed a protective order and I asked for the police reports on all the times I called the police as part of evidence. The report was totally against me, as if he is some angel and I am the crazy one for calling the cops on him. It angers me to read this report and confirms that he can “talk his way out of anything.” [/INST] Police </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentDisclaimer: I am generally known for having a messy car.
When I left the house in the morning, I didn't know it was going to be the day I escaped. The abuse occurred the night before and I just woke up the next morning and went to work. While sitting at my desk, I had the epiphany that I wasn't going home (*my* house that *I* owned, but i digress). I didn't know where I was going to go but I knew I wasn't going home. And I knew he wasn't going to leave, getting him to leave the house is a story for a different time, but it took about a month.
Thank god, I just randomly had a ton of dry cleaning in my car. And I don't normally do dry cleaning, it was a total fluke. But there it was, most of my work clothes perfectly pressed, waiting for me to figure shit out. I didn't go home for a month, but I had clothes. I don't really don't know what I would have done without those clothes. Like most abusers, he isolated me from making friends. We had moved to a different state and I didn't have any friends or family within 600 miles.
Obviously, this wont be an option for everyone. But if you are thinking about leaving and don't want to bring attention - dry cleaning helped me for sure.
You can leave it in your car or if you know you are going to leave on a certain day you can drop the dry cleaning off early to make it just look like a chore and not like you are packing up. If he uses a dry cleaner, go to a different one in a different part of town. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentDisclaimer: I am generally known for having a messy car.
When I left the house in the morning, I didn't know it was going to be the day I escaped. The abuse occurred the night before and I just woke up the next morning and went to work. While sitting at my desk, I had the epiphany that I wasn't going home (*my* house that *I* owned, but i digress). I didn't know where I was going to go but I knew I wasn't going home. And I knew he wasn't going to leave, getting him to leave the house is a story for a different time, but it took about a month.
Thank god, I just randomly had a ton of dry cleaning in my car. And I don't normally do dry cleaning, it was a total fluke. But there it was, most of my work clothes perfectly pressed, waiting for me to figure shit out. I didn't go home for a month, but I had clothes. I don't really don't know what I would have done without those clothes. Like most abusers, he isolated me from making friends. We had moved to a different state and I didn't have any friends or family within 600 miles.
Obviously, this wont be an option for everyone. But if you are thinking about leaving and don't want to bring attention - dry cleaning helped me for sure.
You can leave it in your car or if you know you are going to leave on a certain day you can drop the dry cleaning off early to make it just look like a chore and not like you are packing up. If he uses a dry cleaner, go to a different one in a different part of town. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHey everyone. My friend in japan has been communicating to me about this terrible physically and mentally abusive relationship she’s in. She has severe depression and anxiety and is suicidal and her boyfriend probably can’t handle it and he lashes out and hit her and chokes her and punches her and blames it on her mental issues. He has called the police on her before after he hits her and the police are fairly aware of the situation because they go to the police so often. The last time this happened was two nights ago on her birthday and she sent me pictures of the aftermath and I have never seen such deep bruising in my entire life. He called the police on her... idk why but even the police officers told her that it was her fault because she “promised” she wouldn’t have anxiety or depression anymore. He left her alone at the police station and was acting level headed so he could push the narrative that she’s the crazy one. I just want to know if you think people like this can change, or can their relationship change. I had enough of her calling me once a week telling me her boyfriend had beaten her so badly and then they go out to dinner and she thinks he’s magically changed and is fine. I’m genuinely scared for her because she has lost so much weight due to the stress and now weighs 85 pounds. It’s violence happens literally all the time and he called her after her birthday to say it’s not just her fault and she doesn’t need to be scared and he sent her a present and all of a sudden she’s back to believing he can change. Do you think this behavior can change? He doesn’t seem to want to do some aggressive type or therapy and laughs at his “mistakes” of abusing when he is at therapy. I just want your opinions because I’ve never been in a relationship like this but it seems so far gone that he has no hope at all. He honestly disgusts me. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHey everyone. My friend in japan has been communicating to me about this terrible physically and mentally abusive relationship she’s in. She has severe depression and anxiety and is suicidal and her boyfriend probably can’t handle it and he lashes out and hit her and chokes her and punches her and blames it on her mental issues. He has called the police on her before after he hits her and the police are fairly aware of the situation because they go to the police so often. The last time this happened was two nights ago on her birthday and she sent me pictures of the aftermath and I have never seen such deep bruising in my entire life. He called the police on her... idk why but even the police officers told her that it was her fault because she “promised” she wouldn’t have anxiety or depression anymore. He left her alone at the police station and was acting level headed so he could push the narrative that she’s the crazy one. I just want to know if you think people like this can change, or can their relationship change. I had enough of her calling me once a week telling me her boyfriend had beaten her so badly and then they go out to dinner and she thinks he’s magically changed and is fine. I’m genuinely scared for her because she has lost so much weight due to the stress and now weighs 85 pounds. It’s violence happens literally all the time and he called her after her birthday to say it’s not just her fault and she doesn’t need to be scared and he sent her a present and all of a sudden she’s back to believing he can change. Do you think this behavior can change? He doesn’t seem to want to do some aggressive type or therapy and laughs at his “mistakes” of abusing when he is at therapy. I just want your opinions because I’ve never been in a relationship like this but it seems so far gone that he has no hope at all. He honestly disgusts me. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI have been married for 14 years to a man who has very poor emotional regulation. He yells, swears, throws things, breaks things, has punched holes in the wall. We have four children together and every time he acts out I firmly tell him that his actions are unacceptable. I’ve told him that I don’t feel safe with him, that I don’t know who is coming through the door at the end of the day, etc. He has threatened suicide in the past (though never attempted) and has been self-harming (cutting) on and off for the past 2-3 years. He has refused therapy until very recently. I have been seeing a therapist weekly for the past year and she constantly refers to his behavior as abuse and/or domestic violence. I haven’t been comfortable with this terminology, but am slowly coming to terms with it. He is finally getting help, but I’m realizing it might be too late. The patterns of abuse have eroded any connection between us and I don’t want to stay, though I am currently for financial reasons. Is it clear to you that this type of behavior is abusive? What would you do? ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI have been married for 14 years to a man who has very poor emotional regulation. He yells, swears, throws things, breaks things, has punched holes in the wall. We have four children together and every time he acts out I firmly tell him that his actions are unacceptable. I’ve told him that I don’t feel safe with him, that I don’t know who is coming through the door at the end of the day, etc. He has threatened suicide in the past (though never attempted) and has been self-harming (cutting) on and off for the past 2-3 years. He has refused therapy until very recently. I have been seeing a therapist weekly for the past year and she constantly refers to his behavior as abuse and/or domestic violence. I haven’t been comfortable with this terminology, but am slowly coming to terms with it. He is finally getting help, but I’m realizing it might be too late. The patterns of abuse have eroded any connection between us and I don’t want to stay, though I am currently for financial reasons. Is it clear to you that this type of behavior is abusive? What would you do? [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI left a 7 year old abusive relationship last night and I’m absolutely shattered. I can’t eat or sleep. How do you get through the first days of this? It hurts so bad. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI left a 7 year old abusive relationship last night and I’m absolutely shattered. I can’t eat or sleep. How do you get through the first days of this? It hurts so bad. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI have a downstairs neighbor who is ((at the VERY LEAST )) being emotionally abused by her husband. He yells at her and their children almost every waking moment--I know, I work from home now...He also slams every door in his house CONSTANTLY which doesn't really bother us upstairs but I know that slamming/throwing things is usually a sign of escalation.
I can't just sit idly by. It is literally not in my DNA...How can I help? Even now, he has been yelling for HOURS.
I gave her my phone number recently when he left one day and I heard him screaming about it so I think that he found it or she told him? I hope that's not the case...
I'm not sure what to do... ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI have a downstairs neighbor who is ((at the VERY LEAST )) being emotionally abused by her husband. He yells at her and their children almost every waking moment--I know, I work from home now...He also slams every door in his house CONSTANTLY which doesn't really bother us upstairs but I know that slamming/throwing things is usually a sign of escalation.
I can't just sit idly by. It is literally not in my DNA...How can I help? Even now, he has been yelling for HOURS.
I gave her my phone number recently when he left one day and I heard him screaming about it so I think that he found it or she told him? I hope that's not the case...
I'm not sure what to do... [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi, title says it all..my husband of 6 years and I had an argument and I walked out because he exploded and then I started to record as he barged out of the bedroom into the kitchen. He realized after like 40 seconds I was recording and he forcefully ripped it out of my hands and used his entire like muscle force to keep me from getting it back. Used all of his strength to keep pushing me away.
I was terrified but my FFF response is typically fight so I thought I could get it back....we are the same height and weight and I certainly dont have the strength he has.
Anyway. No bruises or anything and the recording is gone.
We have a toddler and this is the first time this has happened. I don't want to "tip him off" in any way if I gather up the courage to get my ducks in a row and leave ...but since I don't have any proof ...I can't and probably don't want an OOP because I don't want to tip him off.
Please help. I'm a sahm with OCD and PTSD which means I am super self doubtful...and terrified to make any moves. ###Assistant:DV report procedure/Documentation | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHi, title says it all..my husband of 6 years and I had an argument and I walked out because he exploded and then I started to record as he barged out of the bedroom into the kitchen. He realized after like 40 seconds I was recording and he forcefully ripped it out of my hands and used his entire like muscle force to keep me from getting it back. Used all of his strength to keep pushing me away.
I was terrified but my FFF response is typically fight so I thought I could get it back....we are the same height and weight and I certainly dont have the strength he has.
Anyway. No bruises or anything and the recording is gone.
We have a toddler and this is the first time this has happened. I don't want to "tip him off" in any way if I gather up the courage to get my ducks in a row and leave ...but since I don't have any proof ...I can't and probably don't want an OOP because I don't want to tip him off.
Please help. I'm a sahm with OCD and PTSD which means I am super self doubtful...and terrified to make any moves. [/INST] DV report procedure/Documentation </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHow do I record the hitting without getting caught?
I know I will have to leave sooner or later. I thought I could hold on for a few more years for the sake of the kids. He is very good with our 3 year old. He patiently teaches him stuff, reads books, plays with him attentively which I can't seem to do lately. Also I just need help with him sometimes, so I can take care of the baby. I wanted our 6 month old to also experience this fun dad, but things are getting worse. I feel the slaps are getting stronger and more often turning into punches. I don't have any bruises, yet. He's still in control, I guess. But I'm genuinelly afraid of him sometimes. Esp. when he's holding a tool or sth.
The problem is I'm afraid he would take the kids. He is smarter than me. He knows how to get what he wants. He's also threatening my family. Like going to the police about my brothers "appeal in a certain illegal herb" and general threats of violence. I don't take that too seriously, cause he's always had a flair for the drama. He always exaggerates things... But I would like to leave them out of it. I already feel guilty for a whole bunch of reasons, I don't want my problem, my bad decisions, to affect them.
I'd rather leave the police out of it as well. I don't want it do get messy all around. Plus I don't have any evidence. I have a recording of one phonecall and photos of some bruises. But those could be said to have been caused by anything else. Having some solid evidence would just be the best solution. He is a smart man. He would know, that it would ruin him and that he could never get the kids.
So how do I do it? What kind of secret camera? Where do I hide it? It's hard to predict the hitting. Sometimes it's just so unexpected, casuall. And when he's actually worked up, I don't really think straight...
I want to do this smart. I want to be prepared. When I finally leave, I want to know, he can't take the kids. I want him to understand that if he wants to keep seeing them, it will be under my terms and that this is permanent.
Today was a scary day. He slapped our three year old, cause he hit the baby. I'm heartbroken. I can't allow this. He thought it was educational, to show him, how he hurt the baby. He did agree with my arguments that it was wrong in the end, but I just know, this will get worse, when the boys start acting up when older. I want to protect them and make sure I don't lose them.
Thank you. ###Assistant:DV report procedure/Documentation | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHow do I record the hitting without getting caught?
I know I will have to leave sooner or later. I thought I could hold on for a few more years for the sake of the kids. He is very good with our 3 year old. He patiently teaches him stuff, reads books, plays with him attentively which I can't seem to do lately. Also I just need help with him sometimes, so I can take care of the baby. I wanted our 6 month old to also experience this fun dad, but things are getting worse. I feel the slaps are getting stronger and more often turning into punches. I don't have any bruises, yet. He's still in control, I guess. But I'm genuinelly afraid of him sometimes. Esp. when he's holding a tool or sth.
The problem is I'm afraid he would take the kids. He is smarter than me. He knows how to get what he wants. He's also threatening my family. Like going to the police about my brothers "appeal in a certain illegal herb" and general threats of violence. I don't take that too seriously, cause he's always had a flair for the drama. He always exaggerates things... But I would like to leave them out of it. I already feel guilty for a whole bunch of reasons, I don't want my problem, my bad decisions, to affect them.
I'd rather leave the police out of it as well. I don't want it do get messy all around. Plus I don't have any evidence. I have a recording of one phonecall and photos of some bruises. But those could be said to have been caused by anything else. Having some solid evidence would just be the best solution. He is a smart man. He would know, that it would ruin him and that he could never get the kids.
So how do I do it? What kind of secret camera? Where do I hide it? It's hard to predict the hitting. Sometimes it's just so unexpected, casuall. And when he's actually worked up, I don't really think straight...
I want to do this smart. I want to be prepared. When I finally leave, I want to know, he can't take the kids. I want him to understand that if he wants to keep seeing them, it will be under my terms and that this is permanent.
Today was a scary day. He slapped our three year old, cause he hit the baby. I'm heartbroken. I can't allow this. He thought it was educational, to show him, how he hurt the baby. He did agree with my arguments that it was wrong in the end, but I just know, this will get worse, when the boys start acting up when older. I want to protect them and make sure I don't lose them.
Thank you. [/INST] DV report procedure/Documentation </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWe made it out earlier today (well I guess yesterday now). I took my 3 year old daughter to the AirBnb we rented long-term/temporarily and she stayed with the babysitter while I ran back to the old apartment and threw as many of the kids' clothes and mine in a suitcase as fast as I could, as my husband was drunk and yelling obscenities at me, trying to rip my clothes and grabbing my hair. I put the baby in the stroller, grabbed him and the suitcase and we left alone.
The kids are very upset and confused, still up at 4:30am but here we are, together, safe, and away from our abuser. We did it. We made that first step, that hardest step. I never thought I could do it but I did. I am looking forward to the new, calm, safe and happier next chapter with my children. The hardest part is over. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWe made it out earlier today (well I guess yesterday now). I took my 3 year old daughter to the AirBnb we rented long-term/temporarily and she stayed with the babysitter while I ran back to the old apartment and threw as many of the kids' clothes and mine in a suitcase as fast as I could, as my husband was drunk and yelling obscenities at me, trying to rip my clothes and grabbing my hair. I put the baby in the stroller, grabbed him and the suitcase and we left alone.
The kids are very upset and confused, still up at 4:30am but here we are, together, safe, and away from our abuser. We did it. We made that first step, that hardest step. I never thought I could do it but I did. I am looking forward to the new, calm, safe and happier next chapter with my children. The hardest part is over. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy sister has been ringing me every couple of weeks to say that her husband is upsetting her, yelling during arguments, yesterday she rang me to say that she felt like she was having a breakdown and that he was going to leave her because of her mental state. I could hear him in the background saying no I'm not.
Two weeks ago she stayed at my house for a couple of nights because they had a bad fight because he told her that the miscarriage she had at the start of the year was her fault for not meditating and looking after herself.
I've always withheld my full opinion of her husband since I want to be supportive and let her make her own mind up but yesterday I told her that his behaviour is abusive and she needs to discuss it with her psychologist and GP who she was going to see that afternoon.
She said he's not abusive he just yells because he's upset about what happened. I said it doesn't matter why he's yelling it's not acceptable it's abuse. Two weeks ago she told me that when he yells she is afraid he will hit her.
They were due to start IVF after only 5 months of trying for a baby and that seemed like a colossal waste of money and a bad idea all round so I managed to talk her into delaying that.
I've given her they keys to my house and have said she can go there whenever she needs.
How else can I support her? Should I keep pointing out his gaslighting and abuse or am I going to alienate her? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy sister has been ringing me every couple of weeks to say that her husband is upsetting her, yelling during arguments, yesterday she rang me to say that she felt like she was having a breakdown and that he was going to leave her because of her mental state. I could hear him in the background saying no I'm not.
Two weeks ago she stayed at my house for a couple of nights because they had a bad fight because he told her that the miscarriage she had at the start of the year was her fault for not meditating and looking after herself.
I've always withheld my full opinion of her husband since I want to be supportive and let her make her own mind up but yesterday I told her that his behaviour is abusive and she needs to discuss it with her psychologist and GP who she was going to see that afternoon.
She said he's not abusive he just yells because he's upset about what happened. I said it doesn't matter why he's yelling it's not acceptable it's abuse. Two weeks ago she told me that when he yells she is afraid he will hit her.
They were due to start IVF after only 5 months of trying for a baby and that seemed like a colossal waste of money and a bad idea all round so I managed to talk her into delaying that.
I've given her they keys to my house and have said she can go there whenever she needs.
How else can I support her? Should I keep pointing out his gaslighting and abuse or am I going to alienate her? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWhy I feel getting hit is my fault? ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentWhy I feel getting hit is my fault? [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’ve been in a physically, mentally and emotionally abusive relationship for 2 years now.
My boyfriend started hitting me around month 3 of our relationship. The worst of which I bled for 30 minutes and required stitches on my face for. He has spit on me, kicked me in my uterus, slapped me countless times, pinched me, thrown drinks at me, hit my head against the wall and done several other things.
He has broken my phone, my specs, my straightener too before.
I am very sure I absolutely do not want to be with him but I’m scared he will do something and lure me in to being with him forever.
I don’t have the guts to call the police because I don’t want to cause a scene.
I am a medical student and so is he and I don’t really want this to affect either of our careers. For context, I am 22F and he is 25.
He knows where I live but my roommates don’t know I am still involved with him because we were supposedly broken up months ago. I don’t want him to come to my house and cause a scene because he has done that in the past.
And every time he lures me in saying he will send my nudes to my parents. My parents hate him and warned me not to be with him but I still was with him.
If I call the authorities, my parents will find out but if I don’t he will threaten and blackmail me and lure me in & then I will keep having to face this trauma.
What should I do? ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentI’ve been in a physically, mentally and emotionally abusive relationship for 2 years now.
My boyfriend started hitting me around month 3 of our relationship. The worst of which I bled for 30 minutes and required stitches on my face for. He has spit on me, kicked me in my uterus, slapped me countless times, pinched me, thrown drinks at me, hit my head against the wall and done several other things.
He has broken my phone, my specs, my straightener too before.
I am very sure I absolutely do not want to be with him but I’m scared he will do something and lure me in to being with him forever.
I don’t have the guts to call the police because I don’t want to cause a scene.
I am a medical student and so is he and I don’t really want this to affect either of our careers. For context, I am 22F and he is 25.
He knows where I live but my roommates don’t know I am still involved with him because we were supposedly broken up months ago. I don’t want him to come to my house and cause a scene because he has done that in the past.
And every time he lures me in saying he will send my nudes to my parents. My parents hate him and warned me not to be with him but I still was with him.
If I call the authorities, my parents will find out but if I don’t he will threaten and blackmail me and lure me in & then I will keep having to face this trauma.
What should I do? [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt’s been almost three years since I cut contact and I’m still scared of her. She hasn’t found a way to contact me but I’m still so scared that she’ll try to ruin my life again. I’m finally in a place where I feel secure in my home, have a loving partner, a good job, but I still can’t shake this uneasy feeling that she’ll come back one day, and I don’t know how to handle that.
And I still empathize with her. I know she’s been through pain and trauma, and I just can’t get angry at her. She’s mean, manipulative, absolutely narcissistic, and she’s too smart when it comes to planning all of this. She’s used her position to threaten rape accusations, blackmail, convinced me that the people that cared about me would hate me if she said these things. Ironic thing is she helps people that have been in domestic violence, but she has used these experiences to hurt me.
I realized that I needed to leave when I almost jumped off a three story building while on the phone with her screaming at me, and in her attempt to convince me not to: she said that if I survived, she would make sure that I would be staying in the mental ward for a long time, and that scared me more than anything. She knew exactly what scared me, because she put it there in the first place when she talked about all the time, the horrors her sister went through at the ward. And it was her word against mine, who would believe me?
I feel ashamed to be a man too. I feel guilty talking about all of this. Every time I try to look online, I can’t find any resources for me as a man and I feel so selfish trying to get help. Who would believe me? She helps domestic violence victims and survivors.
I’ve been too scared to take the first step into therapy. So I’ve handled this healing process alone and I feel so angry at myself. I felt what my abuser felt when she was trying to heal from her own abuse, and I can only feel sorry for her. I just want to feel loved in times when I’m like this, and I’m struggling really badly.
I’m so scared.
I want to be heard though. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIt’s been almost three years since I cut contact and I’m still scared of her. She hasn’t found a way to contact me but I’m still so scared that she’ll try to ruin my life again. I’m finally in a place where I feel secure in my home, have a loving partner, a good job, but I still can’t shake this uneasy feeling that she’ll come back one day, and I don’t know how to handle that.
And I still empathize with her. I know she’s been through pain and trauma, and I just can’t get angry at her. She’s mean, manipulative, absolutely narcissistic, and she’s too smart when it comes to planning all of this. She’s used her position to threaten rape accusations, blackmail, convinced me that the people that cared about me would hate me if she said these things. Ironic thing is she helps people that have been in domestic violence, but she has used these experiences to hurt me.
I realized that I needed to leave when I almost jumped off a three story building while on the phone with her screaming at me, and in her attempt to convince me not to: she said that if I survived, she would make sure that I would be staying in the mental ward for a long time, and that scared me more than anything. She knew exactly what scared me, because she put it there in the first place when she talked about all the time, the horrors her sister went through at the ward. And it was her word against mine, who would believe me?
I feel ashamed to be a man too. I feel guilty talking about all of this. Every time I try to look online, I can’t find any resources for me as a man and I feel so selfish trying to get help. Who would believe me? She helps domestic violence victims and survivors.
I’ve been too scared to take the first step into therapy. So I’ve handled this healing process alone and I feel so angry at myself. I felt what my abuser felt when she was trying to heal from her own abuse, and I can only feel sorry for her. I just want to feel loved in times when I’m like this, and I’m struggling really badly.
I’m so scared.
I want to be heard though. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHow do you finally get the courage to be done?
How do you ensure your own as well as your kids safety?
Has he come after you?
Who did you have support from?
How did the kids handle the change?
How are you doing now? ###Assistant:Childbearing | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentHow do you finally get the courage to be done?
How do you ensure your own as well as your kids safety?
Has he come after you?
Who did you have support from?
How did the kids handle the change?
How are you doing now? [/INST] Childbearing </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy sister has been in a long term relationship with an abusive boyfriend for the last several years (maybe around 8 or 9?). She has a son by another man that is now turning 14. Our mom has told me for awhile about the boyfriend’s violent behavior, but he is always extremely nice to me and my sister never said anything to me. My mom is bipolar and can really escalate things and blow them out of proportion. I didn’t think she was lying, but I did think she was exaggerating some. I’ve asked my sister in the past and she’s responded with, “You know how mom is,” and told me I had nothing to worry about.
Tonight my mom called me with my nephew in the car. A fight broke out at my sister’s and the boyfriend attacked my nephew, then attacked my sister when she tried to break it up. My sister is 7 months pregnant. My nephew ran from the house, calling my mom to pick him up from the street in the neighborhood. My mind is really blown about the extent of this.
My nephew and I talked for awhile for the first time about this. He came clean to me about the abuse, which seems to be both physical and mental and both targeted at him and my sister. It’s absolutely unacceptable that this man is putting hands on my nephew and my sister. My nephew asked me to fly home (I live in another state) to talk to my sister. My mom would like me to come and stage an intervention.
I am planning on going in the next few days, but I’m unsure of how to handle the situation. As I said, my sister is pregnant and she’s not going to leave this man (although she is the primary bread winner in the family and could if not for the emotionally complicated piece of it), but my nephew is terrified and says he feels unsafe at home. I feel we need to protect him, but I also feel loyal toward my sister and her autonomy over her life and son. Finally, this man is not what I would call emotionally intelligent. He’s not going to see the error of his ways because we all come together to tell him how worried we are about them. I don’t think he’d agree to go to counseling or therapy either.
Does anyone have any help or resources? Should I hire someone qualified to help us with intervening? They are in California, if that is helpful. Please, if anyone has any advice, I’d really appreciate it! I’m worried for my nephew and want to help him in whatever way I can. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentMy sister has been in a long term relationship with an abusive boyfriend for the last several years (maybe around 8 or 9?). She has a son by another man that is now turning 14. Our mom has told me for awhile about the boyfriend’s violent behavior, but he is always extremely nice to me and my sister never said anything to me. My mom is bipolar and can really escalate things and blow them out of proportion. I didn’t think she was lying, but I did think she was exaggerating some. I’ve asked my sister in the past and she’s responded with, “You know how mom is,” and told me I had nothing to worry about.
Tonight my mom called me with my nephew in the car. A fight broke out at my sister’s and the boyfriend attacked my nephew, then attacked my sister when she tried to break it up. My sister is 7 months pregnant. My nephew ran from the house, calling my mom to pick him up from the street in the neighborhood. My mind is really blown about the extent of this.
My nephew and I talked for awhile for the first time about this. He came clean to me about the abuse, which seems to be both physical and mental and both targeted at him and my sister. It’s absolutely unacceptable that this man is putting hands on my nephew and my sister. My nephew asked me to fly home (I live in another state) to talk to my sister. My mom would like me to come and stage an intervention.
I am planning on going in the next few days, but I’m unsure of how to handle the situation. As I said, my sister is pregnant and she’s not going to leave this man (although she is the primary bread winner in the family and could if not for the emotionally complicated piece of it), but my nephew is terrified and says he feels unsafe at home. I feel we need to protect him, but I also feel loyal toward my sister and her autonomy over her life and son. Finally, this man is not what I would call emotionally intelligent. He’s not going to see the error of his ways because we all come together to tell him how worried we are about them. I don’t think he’d agree to go to counseling or therapy either.
Does anyone have any help or resources? Should I hire someone qualified to help us with intervening? They are in California, if that is helpful. Please, if anyone has any advice, I’d really appreciate it! I’m worried for my nephew and want to help him in whatever way I can. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content
I think that’s the reason my husband would hurt me and then when I bring it up he acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about or he would say he didn’t remember him doing it. ###Assistant:DV knowledge | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the content
I think that’s the reason my husband would hurt me and then when I bring it up he acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about or he would say he didn’t remember him doing it. [/INST] DV knowledge </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIf anybody has experienced narcissist abuse/ rage in marriage how did you how hold your self together TIL you were able to break free? IM broken down inside the things that have happened are unspeakable ..we own a business together too..im in therapy Any body been in my place? To help clarifly my situation I have a disability as well. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentIf anybody has experienced narcissist abuse/ rage in marriage how did you how hold your self together TIL you were able to break free? IM broken down inside the things that have happened are unspeakable ..we own a business together too..im in therapy Any body been in my place? To help clarifly my situation I have a disability as well. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentTwo night ago my now ex-boyfriend knocked me off my feet, bent over and choked me, then started punching me in the face leaving me with multiple bruises, splitting my lip and knocking out my front tooth. He left right after so when the cops came he wasn’t around. This was the final straw.
My mom flew out, we are in the process of getting a restraining order in place and the detective is working on getting a warrant for his arrest.
He laid low for a few days but last night and this morning he keeps calling over and over and texting over and over. He has been sleeping in his car without a change of clothes and he is trying to come back to my house (I own the home solo) to use the shower and want to talk to me.
I am holding strong and not allowing it, no answering his calls, keeping it short and brief with a text message saying he can come by in a 30min window to pick up his stuff outside on the sidewalk. The police will be here at that time. We just finished packing his stuff into trash bags.
Holding strong. This is so hard. I loved him with all my heart. He permanently disfigured me. I’m holding strong.
Edit: Good news all!! He has officially been arrested. He has to sit in jail all weekend and he will be in front of a judge on Monday at which time the restraining order will be put in place. I’m so relieved. ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentTwo night ago my now ex-boyfriend knocked me off my feet, bent over and choked me, then started punching me in the face leaving me with multiple bruises, splitting my lip and knocking out my front tooth. He left right after so when the cops came he wasn’t around. This was the final straw.
My mom flew out, we are in the process of getting a restraining order in place and the detective is working on getting a warrant for his arrest.
He laid low for a few days but last night and this morning he keeps calling over and over and texting over and over. He has been sleeping in his car without a change of clothes and he is trying to come back to my house (I own the home solo) to use the shower and want to talk to me.
I am holding strong and not allowing it, no answering his calls, keeping it short and brief with a text message saying he can come by in a 30min window to pick up his stuff outside on the sidewalk. The police will be here at that time. We just finished packing his stuff into trash bags.
Holding strong. This is so hard. I loved him with all my heart. He permanently disfigured me. I’m holding strong.
Edit: Good news all!! He has officially been arrested. He has to sit in jail all weekend and he will be in front of a judge on Monday at which time the restraining order will be put in place. I’m so relieved. [/INST] Communication </s> |
###Human: Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentCan I get an opinion? And this is fresh so please don’t be mean because I’m sensitive and I just need to get this out of my system. Possible trigger warning physical abuse
So my SO was sleeping beside me in my full size bed.. he drank tonight and sweats in his sleep when he drinks. Well he just really stunk honestly and his breath was terrible and smelled like alcohol and I could smell it. That’s a trigger for me and it really grosses me out. I tapped him and asked him to turn the other way.. no response, I didn’t wake him up I guess. So I shook him and he didn’t wake up. I shook him and talked a bit louder and he was irritated bc I woke him up but I couldn’t sleep this way and I have to wake up early for college. He kicked me but I thought maybe it was a half asleep thing. I would like to add I have new ear piercings and I couldn’t turn the other way because of them, I can’t sleep on them.
Anyway he ended up turning towards me rather than the other way and I said no the other way and I told him his breath smelled like alcohol and it was making me feel sick. Well he got mad and started calling me names mumbling under his breath and didn’t move. I just asked him again “please turn the other way.” Well he ended up finally turning his back to me and then continued to just say mean things and I told him I just wanted him to face the other way so I could sleep too. He turned around and spit in my face and continued to say mean stuff . I start crying and wipe his spit off my face. Well he does it again while im crying and he’s done this before. I slapped him because I was just tired of the disrespect. Bad idea. He grabbed my head and my ear and then hit me and then punched me in my head. I’m crying and he’s like telling me to stop basically. Hard to remember. He’s like acting as if I’m crying for no reason and telling me to stop and I’m scared he’s ganna hit me again so I can’t even stop crying. I have a bump on my forehead now but no one can see it. I am just really upset and I’m scared of him. I was honestly scared to wake him up but I wanted to share the bed tonight so I didn’t think me tapping him and asking him to turn the other way would end this way. I’ve had a lot of trauma that involved alcohol and the smell upsets me sometimes. ): I don’t feel justified for slapping him I just wanted him to stop spitting on me and verbally abusing m ###Assistant:Communication | <s>[INST] Please extract the information support need from the following content, which means what kind of information support the people need based on your understanding of the contentCan I get an opinion? And this is fresh so please don’t be mean because I’m sensitive and I just need to get this out of my system. Possible trigger warning physical abuse
So my SO was sleeping beside me in my full size bed.. he drank tonight and sweats in his sleep when he drinks. Well he just really stunk honestly and his breath was terrible and smelled like alcohol and I could smell it. That’s a trigger for me and it really grosses me out. I tapped him and asked him to turn the other way.. no response, I didn’t wake him up I guess. So I shook him and he didn’t wake up. I shook him and talked a bit louder and he was irritated bc I woke him up but I couldn’t sleep this way and I have to wake up early for college. He kicked me but I thought maybe it was a half asleep thing. I would like to add I have new ear piercings and I couldn’t turn the other way because of them, I can’t sleep on them.
Anyway he ended up turning towards me rather than the other way and I said no the other way and I told him his breath smelled like alcohol and it was making me feel sick. Well he got mad and started calling me names mumbling under his breath and didn’t move. I just asked him again “please turn the other way.” Well he ended up finally turning his back to me and then continued to just say mean things and I told him I just wanted him to face the other way so I could sleep too. He turned around and spit in my face and continued to say mean stuff . I start crying and wipe his spit off my face. Well he does it again while im crying and he’s done this before. I slapped him because I was just tired of the disrespect. Bad idea. He grabbed my head and my ear and then hit me and then punched me in my head. I’m crying and he’s like telling me to stop basically. Hard to remember. He’s like acting as if I’m crying for no reason and telling me to stop and I’m scared he’s ganna hit me again so I can’t even stop crying. I have a bump on my forehead now but no one can see it. I am just really upset and I’m scared of him. I was honestly scared to wake him up but I wanted to share the bed tonight so I didn’t think me tapping him and asking him to turn the other way would end this way. I’ve had a lot of trauma that involved alcohol and the smell upsets me sometimes. ): I don’t feel justified for slapping him I just wanted him to stop spitting on me and verbally abusing m [/INST] Communication </s> |