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Xiaolin Showdown

Ring of the Nine Dragons [1.7]

Omi: Now remember, we must find the.. er... thingie!

Omi clones

[scratching heads] Oh, yes, we must find, we have to find the thingie!

Xiaolin Showdown

Ring of the Nine Dragons [1.7]

Master Fung: I want them spotless, Omi. Spotless. [holds up a brush and gives Omi an angry look] Omi: [remorsefully] Yes, Master. Spotless. [Kimiko, Raimundo, and Clay watch from outside the kitchen] Master Fung: I will inspect your work in one hour. [leaves the kitchen, slamming the door shut] Kimiko: Wow, I've never seen Master Fung so upset. Clay: He looked as mad as a beaver in a petrified forest. Omi: Master Fung is right to be angry. [starts getting to work] I have acted most shamefully. Because of my disobedience, we still only have one Shen Gong Wu.

Raimundo

Yeah, true. [Kimiko angrily nudges him in the arm] Ow! What?! I'm just agreeing with what he said. Besides, maybe it's better this way.

Xiaolin Showdown

Night of the Sapphire Dragon [1.8]

Dojo: Maybe I can be the dragon of...FIRE! Kimiko: Sorry, position's filled. Dojo: Then how 'bout soot? Raimundo: Soot? Not impressive.

Dojo

And this is comin' from the wind guy? Ooh! How 'bout gas, huh? I eat a few cans o' beans and BAM! I'm in, baby!

Xiaolin Showdown

Night of the Sapphire Dragon [1.8]

Omi: Ha! Right there! Raimundo: The Sapphire Dragon. Omi: The most dangerous Shen Gong Wu. It is only to be used as an absolute last resort. It will turn your enemy into a sapphire statue.

Raimundo

And a guy next door, the old lady down the street, the kids at the playground.

Xiaolin Showdown

Night of the Sapphire Dragon [1.8]

[After getting almost blasted by the sapphire dragon]

Raimundo

You think he'd be grateful we rescued him from the volcano.

Xiaolin Showdown

My Homey Omi [1.9]

[Episode starts with the Xiaolin monks and Dojo in New York City] Omi: [sees the statue of Lady Liberty through binoculars] Whoa! Who is that lady? Kimiko: That's the Statue of Liberty, Omi.

Omi

She must have been a great Xiaolin warrior, to get a statue that big.

Xiaolin Showdown

My Homey Omi [1.9]

Kimiko: Dojo, anything you can do here? Dojo: Eh...uh, gee guys. I-I-I'm not big on trains. A-and that third rail really chafes. Kimiko: Dojo!

Dojo

Okay, okay.

Xiaolin Showdown

Big as Texas [1.10]

Clay: Hey, fellas. [sees his hat full of milk] Huh?! Omi: Only a 9 1/2 gallons. You get a free hat! Clay: [angrily] Raimundo! Raimundo: Think fast! [tosses the filled hat of milk at a furious Clay who then chases him around the room] Hey, what's one hat compared to your best friend 's life?

Clay

You are Texas toast, Rai!

Xiaolin Showdown

Big as Texas [1.10]

Raimundo: [cringing] What... did I just land in? Clay: That would be a cow pie.

Raimundo

No! I know pies! Pies have cherry, or apple, or rhubarb! THIS IS NO PIE!

Xiaolin Showdown

Big as Texas [1.10]

Daddy Bailey: Clay, I reckon you've been a man longer than I realized Jack: [To Wuya] How come we don't have a relationship like that?

Wuya

I'm not your mommy! Now pick up your toys Jackie, and let's go home.

Xiaolin Showdown

Royal Rumble [1.11]

Jack Spicer: Technically, you don't sweat either but you still manage to put off some serious B.O., sister.

Wuya

I'm surprised you can smell anything considering how often you have you little fingers up your nostrils!

Xiaolin Showdown

Royal Rumble [1.11]

Kimiko: Omi, please tell Clay that he's blocking my light. Omi: Clay, I have a message from- Clay: Omi, tell Kimiko that I'll cast my shadow wherever I darn well please. Omi: Kimiko, Clay responds- Kimiko: Tell Clay that maybe his shadow wasn't so fat and huge. Omi: Clay, Kim-

Raimundo

Omi, tell Kimiko and Clay that they're both...[head enlarges; agitated] GIVING ME A HEADACHE!

Xiaolin Showdown

Royal Rumble [1.11]

Omi: My friends! Hearing the sound of your voices again will give me tremendous pleasure. Kimiko: Omi! Clay: Run! Raimundo: It's a trap!

Omi

That did not give me as much pleasure as I had hoped.

Xiaolin Showdown

Royal Rumble [1.11]

Omi: Sun Chi Lantern! [absorbs his friends' chi energies] Wuya: Stop him! He's merging his chi energy with the others! Kimko's voice: FIRE! Clay's voice: EARTH!

Raimundo's voice

WIND!

Xiaolin Showdown

Royal Rumble [1.11]

Kimiko: We got the Serpent's Tail, the Orb of Tornami... Clay: The Longi Kite...

Raimundo

And the Tongue of Saiping, which I do not recommend touching.

Xiaolin Showdown

Mala Mala Jong [1.12]

Wuya: Let me guess...you're downloading more of your vapid hippity-hop music. Jack Spicer: [imitates buzzer] I'm working up a Shen Gong Wu spreadsheet so we can know who has what. Check it. We have the Eye of Dashi, they have the Tongue of Saiping. We have the Third Arm Sash, they've got the Longi Kite. And those really cool Golden Tiger Claws... Omi sent them to the Earth's core, so nobody has them. How do I file that one?

Wuya

I don't need a scorekeeper! I need someone who will retrieve the Shen Gong Wu and waist time with- wait! I am sensing a new Shen Gong Wu! [gasps] It is the most important of them all. The Heart of Jong!

Xiaolin Showdown

Mala Mala Jong [1.12]

Jack Spicer: Smell ya later, losers! [Tries to fly off but has his foot caught in a lasso] Clay: You'll smell us NOW, ya dirty snake! Kimiko: Smell us now?

Raimundo

Clay's villain taunting needs some serious work.

Xiaolin Showdown

Mala Mala Jong [1.12]

[Jack and Wuya have put some of the Shen Gong Wu together and Mala Mala Jong rises to life]

Wuya

Jack Spicer, behold... Mala Mala Jong! Mala Mala Jong is an ancient demon warrior. Powerful... Deadly... And invincible.

Xiaolin Showdown

Mala Mala Jong [1.12]

Kimiko: Now what? we just camp out here and wait? Dojo: How 'bout we "sing songs" Or-or tell "ghost stories" Or ah..oh, oh, oh, oh! I know. S'mores! Raimundo: Mala Mala Jong could be attacking the temple right now! We should be fighting with Master Fung! Omi: Master Fung ordered us to guard the Shen Gong Wu. Raimundo: But... Omi: All we can do is formulate a plan to defeat Mala Mala Jong in case...

Clay

Master Fung fails.

Xiaolin Showdown

In the Flesh [1.13]

Jack: Hey you know what they say, finders keepers, losers weepers. Omi: The only one being a weeping loser is you Jack Spicer! And you Wuya! You shall weep over your loss as well! Jack: Wow! That is the lamest taunt ever. Stick to the jumping and kicking Omi.

Omi

As you wish!

Xiaolin Showdown

In the Flesh [1.13]

Raimundo: So, that's the way it's gonna be, huh? Kimiko: You tell us, Raimundo. Clay: You can always drop the Shen Gong Wu and leave. Raimundo: Nah, I'm up for a Xiaolin slap down. Omi: Raimundo, I am starting to think you are not enacting some sort of SECRET ELABORATE PLAN. Raimundo: Nothin' escapes you, Omi. Omi: Not even you!

Raimundo

Wrong.

Xiaolin Showdown

Days Past [2.1]

Dojo: Hah! The joke's on you Wuya! You broke the Reversing Mirror. Seven years bad luck! In, your, face! Wuya: Actually, since its the Reversing Mirror, its seven years good luck.

Dojo

Ooh, hadn't thought of that. Crud.

Xiaolin Showdown

Days Past [2.1]

Omi: I am most confused. If you were just going to give me the pebble, why make me go through the whole Showdown? Dashi: Two reasons. One, it was funny. Dojo: True.

Dashi

Two, to teach you something.

Xiaolin Showdown

Days Past [2.1]

Wuya: Crush them.

Dojo

[girly shriek] A retreat might be in order, here!

Xiaolin Showdown

Citadel of Doom [2.2]

Kimiko: You...You...YOU!... Clay: Doofus?

Kimiko

[to Clay] Thank you. [to Jack] YOU DOOFUS! You trapped Omi in the past forever!

Xiaolin Showdown

Citadel of Doom [2.2]

Wuya: Delicious. My domination of the world is now...complete. Raimundo: Uh, Wuya? You might wanna do head count. You're short one, Omi. Wuya: Omi? [gasps, poof] Where's Omi? Clay: Frankly, It's none of your business, Ma'am. Wuya: Oh, as they say I have ways to making you talk. Jack: He's trapped in a past! Raimundo: What? Jack: Yeah. He traveled back in time as some guy named Dashi for help! Wuya: Omi's in a past? Kimiko: Yes. And now he's trapped there! Jack: And it was me who sent him back, Wuya! I was really on your side all the way! Stupid Omi walked right in to our trap! WOO-HOO! You can let me go now. Wuya: Forget it, Jack. I'm not buying it. Jack: Really? Even if I whimper? [whimpers] Raimundo: Omi's really trapped in the past? Kimiko: We'll never see him again, thanks to you! Dojo: And I hope you feel guilty about it. Clay: Yeah, nice going, you two-faced fink. Raimundo: I...I never wanted anything happen to you guys, I...I just wanted my due. Wuya: And now you're got it, Raimundo. To the dungeon with them! Raimundo: Wait, wait! Wuya. What if these guys. You know swear loyalty to you. Maybe they could sort a live the the palace? With me? Wuya: If, they swear their loyalty. Raimundo: C'mon, guys! You won't believe the stuff she's got video games, racecars, speed boats... Jack: Sold! You can let me go now. Wuya: The offer's not for you, Jack. Jack: Buy, you really hold the grudge. Raimundo: Guys, Wuya rules the whole world. So, c'mon, join the winning team already. What do you say? Kimiko: What do we say? How about...DREAM ON! Clay': I'd sooner kiss the backside of a mule.

Dojo

[offscreen] Forget it!

Xiaolin Showdown

Citadel of Doom [2.2]

Kimiko: What's the matter, Rai? You look pretty bored for a guy who rules the world. Raimundo: What are you doing here!? Did you decide to join me? Clay: Nope. Still rather kiss the backside of a mule. Kimiko: We escaped, Raimundo. So be cool and let us go. Dojo: Or be a loser and come after us. Raimundo: Better run, 'cause I'm coming after you. Kimiko: Have it your way.

Raimundo

C'mon. We got some former friends to catch.

Xiaolin Showdown

Citadel of Doom [2.2]

Jack: Me? Fighting for good? In a bathrobe? Forget it. Next time we meet, we're enemies again. [Is about to fly off when Omi grabs his trenchcoat and gives him sad eyes.] Jack: But maybe some time, if we're not fighting over Shen Gong Wu, we can all go for ice cream. My treat. Omi: Yes that would be most nice. We could get a Monday! Clay: Sundae.

Omi

Even better!

Xiaolin Showdown

The Shard of Lightning [2.3]

Wuya: You thought I'd stay out of that box forever, didn't you?

Omi

Yes, I did, Wuya. Well, another 1500 years would have been nice!

Xiaolin Showdown

The Shard of Lightning [2.3]

Omi: I would not count your ducks before they emerge from their shells!

Raimundo

...that one wasn't even close.

Xiaolin Showdown

The Shard of Lightning [2.3]

Katnappe: Stop copy me! Two Jacks: Stop copy me! Katnappe: Quit it! Two Jacks: Quit it! [Katnappe look at the watch]

Katnappe

That's it!

Xiaolin Showdown

The Crystal Glasses [2.4]

Wuya: [Talking to Omi] Soon you will be my greatest ally! Jack: I'll even write your own evil theme music! [dramatic music plays] Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun!

Omi

This is NOT right!

Xiaolin Showdown

Pandatown [2.5]

Raimundo: Come on, Omi! Its a classic gong game! Omi: Okay, I hear your concerns and I will take them under advisement with the apprentices. Clay, Kimiko? Clay: I reckon we don't have a better choice. Kimiko: Lets give a shot.

Raimundo

What?! Youre believing Jack Spicer over ME?! Thats it! I'm finding my own way in, and anyone who wants can go with me!

Xiaolin Showdown

Pandatown [2.5]

Clay: Two-Ton Tunic! Raimundo: Eye of Dashi! Kimiko: Third-Arm Sash!

Omi

Orb of Tornami!

Xiaolin Showdown

Pandatown [2.5]

Kimiko: Come on, Rai. You can still win this.

Omi

Just think: "What would do"?

Xiaolin Showdown

Sizing Up Omi [2.6]

Omi: [gets an idea] Raimundo, that is the answer! I will grow bigger backwards! Kimiko: He got me on that one. Omi: Clay, may I please bore the Reversing Mirror? Raimundo, may I please borrow the Changing Chopsticks? Clay: Where are you going with this, Omi?

Omi

Changing Chopsticks! Reversing Mirror! [grows bigger] Now there is nothing I cannot accomplish! Except perhaps explaining to Master Fung about the temple ceiling.

Xiaolin Showdown

Sizing Up Omi [2.6]

Clay: You OKAY down there, partner? Omi: Oh, yes! Dojo's earwax is most convenient! But I do wish I had a better view. Ah, that is much better! Dojo: Better hope I don't sneeze!

Omi

Nooo, you have very clean sinuses! I thank you!

Xiaolin Showdown

Enter the Dragon [2.7]

Dojo: Why is everybody looking at me like I'm some sort of freak? I AM NOT A FREAK!

Clay

Relax, Dojo. Nobody is saying anything [whispers out loud].

Xiaolin Showdown

Enter the Dragon [2.7]

Omi: Has Dojo ever gotten out of his box?

Master Fung

It's only happened once. It was the last time anyone saw... Atlantis.

Xiaolin Showdown

Enter the Dragon [2.7]

Dojo: [as Master Fung] Omi, it is Master Fung. is holding me prisoner! Omi: No. I do not believe you! [eats an eggroll] Dojo: [as a sad little girl; crying] Please let me out. I'm lost! [cries] Omi: No! No, I cannot! Dojo: [as a mother version of Omi] Omi, this is your mother speaking. You open that door this instant! Omi: Dojo, you are merely wasting your efforts. Besides, I am an orphan. Dojo: [as Omi] Omi, it's Omi. You've got to let me out!

Omi

[irritated] Oh, this is not getting most ridiculous!

Xiaolin Showdown

Enter the Dragon [2.7]

Omi: I did not abandon my post! I am still at my post, actually I am inside my post! But that Dojo pulled his sweater over my eyes!

Raimundo

Alright, that's gotta be Omi.

Xiaolin Showdown

Enter the Dragon [2.7]

Master Fung: Who let Dojo out? [Clay, Raimundo and Kimiko take one step to the left from Omi] Omi: [ashamed with dismay] I am so ashamed. It appears Dojo is one very crafty dragon.

Master Fung

Oh, this is not good.

Xiaolin Showdown

The Sands of Time [2.8]

Dojo: [Drowsily] You kids need your rest. How about we get a fresh start tomorrow? And fly around, aimlessly...looking for the Shen Gong...[sleepily]..Wu. [snoring] Kimiko: Dojo! Don't nod off on us now! [Wakes Dojo up]

Dojo

[Disoriented] J-Just 5 more minutes, mommy! I don't wanna go to school!

Xiaolin Showdown

The Sands of Time [2.8]

Jack: [Holding the Sands of Time] Looking for this, Xiaolin losers? Too bad! You're out of luck and out of time! Haahaaha!

Omi

It was up to me to find the Sands of Time and I failed all of you. My friends, Master Fung and the entire universe! I believe that about covers it.

Xiaolin Showdown

The Sands of Time [2.8]

Jack: I guess this would be the part where I let out my new trademark evil laugh. Hahahahahahhahahahah! Muahahahahahaha! [This continues for several seconds] Omi: Not so fast Spicer! He who is last to be laughing laughs most loudly!

Raimundo

What Omi did to that sentence is what we're going to do to you!

Xiaolin Showdown

The Sands of Time [2.8]

Jack: [holding the Sweet Baby Among Us Wu] It's like taking candy from a bunch of babies! Old Jack: Eh? Who's got the babies?

Jack

Hurry up, old timer. We gotta get the Ruby of Ramses before it reveals itself.

Xiaolin Showdown

The Sands of Time [2.8]

Jack: I've got two words for you. GYM MEMBERSHIP!

Old Jack

Wha? I...I don't recall that name. Gym membership! He owes me 5 bucks that guy.

Xiaolin Showdown

Hear Some Evil, See Some Evil [2.9]

Clay: [Jack is reading 's mind] That Jack is slower than a three-legged cow in quicksand!

Jack

What!? I'm faster than any three-legged cow! [is hit by Omi]

Xiaolin Showdown

Hear Some Evil, See Some Evil [2.9]

[Megan appears in front of the monks rolling in the Jack's shield] Megan: Hi, I'm . Raimundo: Oh, there's something you don't see every day. A little girl in a hamster ball.

Megan

Are you looking for Jack Spicer and the ugly old hag? [everyone nods and she gets out of the shield] My stupid cousin Jack thinks he locked me inside that thing but I found the door.

Xiaolin Showdown

Dreamscape [2.10]

Jack: When hunting the elusive wu, you have to move as quiet as a cat. [stubs toe] OOOOWWWWWWWWW, OOOOHHH THAT HURT! [Screams loudly, then covers up mouth]

Kimiko

Yawn.

Xiaolin Showdown

Dreamscape [2.10]

Raimundo: Everybody ready to go kick some Jack Spicer's butt? Clay: Does it bull like that snort? Kimiko: Yeah, I couldn't have put it better myself. Omi: Uhh...I have some scroll to study right now.

Raimundo

What?

Xiaolin Showdown

Master Monk Guan [2.11]

Chase Young: It will be up to you Dojo. Your stay here can be a pleasant or an unpleasant experience. Dojo: [Quickly] I choose pleasant, how about pleasant, pleasant would be nice.

Chase Young

I thought you might.

Xiaolin Showdown

Master Monk Guan [2.11]

Dojo: You know, I can still fit into the same swimming trunks I wore 1500 years ago!

Kimiko

[giggles] You mean your old toga?

Xiaolin Showdown

Master Monk Guan [2.11]

Omi: Dojo, are you alright?

Dojo

[Annoyed] I'm sitting in a pot of soup, what do you think?!

Xiaolin Showdown

The Evil Within [2.12]

Wuya: What are you doing!? Jack: Do you have to sneak up on me all the time? Wuya: Would you prefer I did this?! [she flies through Jack's face] Jack: Whatever you do, PLEASE? Don't do that. Wuya: You're here looking for Chase Young. Jack: Could it be that one certain disembodied floating headed is getting...jealous? Wuya: Don't be ridiculous! [laughs] What's so special about Chase Young anyway?

Jack

He's only the world's most skill master of Tai Chi. You know that's how you get to be a best. Hanging with the best.

Xiaolin Showdown

The Evil Within [2.12]

Raimundo: Hey, Omi, everything cool?

Omi

Yes, Raimundo. I believe everything is the correct temperature.

Xiaolin Showdown

The Evil Within [2.12]

Raimundo: I can't believe something that small could put up such a big fight! Omi: [grabbing Raimundo's shirt] What! I am not that small! Kimiko: I think he was talking about Sibini.

Omi

Oh, yes! He is very small.

Xiaolin Showdown

The Deep Freeze [2.13]

Jack: [playing with the Lunar Locket Wu] Look at me! I'm the ruler of the moon. Watch! Look at it dance. Whoo-hoo! This is so awesome!

Wuya

Stop playing with the moon, Jack. It isn't a toy.

Xiaolin Showdown

The Deep Freeze [2.13]

Raimundo: Jake Spicer. Maybe we can warmed up by having a good ol' fashion butt kicking contest! Jack Spicer: [nervously smiled] Hey,..guys, I..I know what you're thinking.

Kimiko

You couldn't possibly! Are you being screaming of little girl of screaming of yours!

Xiaolin Showdown

Screams of the Siren [2.14]

Jack: I ask for knife-throwing lessons, mom sends me figure-skating. "You never know when it'll come in handy!" Now I feel kinda a bad for making a robot out of her juicer. Dojo: That Spicer kid sure has nice form. Clay: Whoo! Look there, a triple Salchow! [The others stare at him] What? Cowboys can't like figure-skating?

Raimundo

Come on, Omi. Just because you're built like a hockey puck doesn't mean you have to skate like one!

Xiaolin Showdown

Screams of the Siren [2.14]

Jack Spicer: I'm an artiste, I communicate with my feet.

Wuya

If I had feet I'd communicate all over you.

Xiaolin Showdown

Screams of the Siren [2.14]

Omi: How did she know about the vault? Clay: Um, I may have mentioned it to her, but she said she never saw one before. But wasn't a monk there guarding it? Kimiko: She, uh, kind of got me to convince one of the boys to hand scrub all the bathrooms. Raimundo: She had me fill the Armadillo with sea-water. I figured it was just a rebel prank. Omi: Now it all makes sense! Dyris wanted to know what Shen Gong Wu would have the power to create giant volcanoes to melt the polar ice caps and flood the world. [Kimiko, Raimundo, Clay, Dojo, and Klowfange glares at him] I assumed it was idol chat-chit.

Klowfange

Hmm...you sure you lot are the good guys?

Xiaolin Showdown

Screams of the Siren [2.14]

Kimiko: Did you get the Black Beetle? Omi: Does it look like I got the Black Beetle?!

Raimundo

No, it looks like you lost the Gills of Hamachi.

Xiaolin Showdown

Screams of the Siren [2.14]

Omi: Where are the Shen Gong Wu?! [The Black Beetle Wu appears out of the water] The Black Beetle! [Omi and Dyris touch the Black Beetle Wu at the same time, starting a Xiaolin Showdown] Dyris: [pops out of the water] Back away, it's mine! Omi: No. It is a Xiaolin Showdown! Dyris: I'll wager my Fist of Tebigong against your Gills of Hamachi. Omi: The game is Steal the Wu. Whoever takes the other's Wu first wins. And we play it on dry land! Klowfange: You fool! You CAN'T let her out of the water! When on dry land, she turns to her true monstrous form!

Omi

How bad can she be? [turns around, seeing Dyris transformed into her true form] Oh. That bad. [sighs] Let's go. Xiaolin Showdown!

Xiaolin Showdown

The Black Vipers [2.15]

Clay: [After setting Raimundo on fire] I'm sorry, Rai, I couldn't help it. I smell my favourite meal and I- Kimiko: EVERY meal is your favourite meal, Clay!

Raimundo

I can't believe your first loyalty is to a pork chop!

Xiaolin Showdown

The Black Vipers [2.15]

[The group are tied to the ceiling upside down] Jessie: Well it looks like our uninvited guests have decided on an extended stay in the HOSPITALITY suite. Omi: Why, thank you! That sounds most inviting! Where do we go? Raimundo: Omi, we're already in the hospitality suite. Omi: Oh. I see. Perhaps I am misunderstanding the meaning of hospitality. Kimiko: Or the meaning of sarcasm.

Omi

Oh, darn this sarcasm! It always seems to grab my goat!

Xiaolin Showdown

The Black Vipers [2.15]

Jack: Yes! I get this makes me queen! [Everyone in the room looks at him oddly; a girl laughs]

Jack

...King.

Xiaolin Showdown

The Black Vipers [2.15]

Omi: [sighs] This is the most disappointing event turning since the last...

Raimundo

Is it possible you're going for TURN OF EVENTS?

Xiaolin Showdown

The Black Vipers [2.15]

[Clay and Jessie rush over and touch the bag of Wu at the same time] Jessie: Looks like if you want your rewards, you and me are gonna have a Xiaolin Showdown. Clay: I accept. Your Silk Spitter against my Changing Chopsticks. Jessie: The game is Demolition Viper Bike Derby! First to make it out in one piece, wins.

Clay

Let's just get this over with. Let's go. Xiaolin Showdown!

Xiaolin Showdown

The Emperor Scorpion Strikes Back [2.16]

[Jack has copied himself with the Ring of Nine Dragons] Old-looking Jack: Foul! Jack and Fat Jack: I didn't touch you! Fat Jack: Did not... [they start fighting, old Jack also fights]

Wuya

Stop! The Ring of Nine Dragons is for creating evil, not for copying yourself for your own amusement, or picking your teeth! [While big headed Jack does so]

Xiaolin Showdown

The Emperor Scorpion Strikes Back [2.16]

Kimiko: Omi, what happened? Omi: I am afraid, uh... Mala Mala Jong has come to life. Raimundo: I can't believe we got here too late. Clay: Oh, man, I feel more embarrassed than a mule at the Kentucky Derby. [Back at the Xiaolin Temple...] Master Fung: According to the scroll, the rise of Mala Mala Jong will allow a new Shen Gong Wu to be revealed. It is called the Emperor Scorpion. Whoever possesses it will have control over all Shen Gong Wu. If we can find it, we can use it to break Mala Mala Jong apart before it turns into the Fearsome Four. Raimundo: Excellent! Great ending and not too long. Dragged a little in the middle though. Kimiko: Don't get too excited, Raimundo. Here comes the bad part. Master Fung: If the Emperor Scorpion falls into the wrong hands, the Fearsome Four will be unstoppable. This will be our only chance to save the world from certain destruction.

Raimundo

Why does there always have to be a bad part?

Xiaolin Showdown

The Emperor Scorpion Strikes Back [2.16]

Kimiko: I can't believe how badly we messed up. Raimundo: Now that Spicer is in control of the Fearsome Four there's no stopping him. Clay: Yeah. It's not everyday a fella is responsible for the end of the world. Omi: No! Stop! When Mala Mala first came together I could've called for your help. It is my fault. But I...ah choose to do it alone. I may have forgotten to mention that before. Raimundo: It dosen't matter now...woah! [Omi, Raimundo, Kimiko, and Clay are off the ball and they're falling on a ground] Master Fung: Working together is more then just fighting together. It is knowing how to use each other's strengths wisely. Raimundo: Hey, could somebody please translate. Clay: Well, I reckon Master Fung is speaking of our elements. Kimiko: In other words, we should focus on what we do best.

Dojo

Cheer up, kiddo. You'll get another chance to save the world.

Xiaolin Showdown

The Emperor Scorpion Strikes Back [2.16]

[After falling on ground while trying to stop Star Hanabi] Raimundo: Dojo, dude, how come you didn't just fly?

Dojo

[With Clay's pants on head] Good idea. Just a little late.

Xiaolin Showdown

The Emperor Scorpion Strikes Back [2.16]

Jack: Hello, Xiaolin losers! Ready to admit defeat? Omi: Never! I will defeat you and the Fearsome Four!

Jack

[mimicking Omi] "I will defeat you and the Fearsome Four." [gets in Omi's face] Dude, get over yourself!

Xiaolin Showdown

The Emperor Scorpion Strikes Back [2.16]

Jack: Fearsome Four! I command you to... [thinks] laugh evilly! [they laugh] Now laugh evilly while... hopping on one leg! [they do so] Wuya: Stop playing, Jack!

Jack

In a minute. Now, laugh evilly while... TAP DANCING! [the Fearsome Four dance and laugh as music plays in the background]

Xiaolin Showdown

The Return of PandaBubba [2.17]

Kimiko: Omi, look! Over there. It's the Tohomiko Electronics skyscraper! Omi: Tohomiko? That sounds most familiar to my ears. Kimiko: Hello? That's my last name. Omi: Oh? I never thought of you with a last name. Kimiko: And that's my Papa's building. Clay: [In amazement] Your daddy is Toshiro Tohomiko the video game tycoon?! Kimiko: Yeah, I can't wait to introduce you all to him, he's super cool! Raimundo: And super rich! [His eyes turn into dollar symbols. To Kimiko] Did I ever tell you that you are my favorite monk?

Omi

[gigantic sad face] I thought I was your favorite...

Xiaolin Showdown

The Return of PandaBubba [2.17]

Omi: These workers appear most focused on their work. And their eyes- they have the same 'nobody is home' look as Raimudo when he does his chores.

Raimundo

[offended] Yeah, well... you're short and you have a big head.

Xiaolin Showdown

The Last Temptation of Raimundo [2.18]

[Jack is asleep] Wuya: Jack, fire the laser! Jack! Jack: [He wakes up, screaming] Wuya! With you it's hard to tell if I'm coming out of a nightmare or going into one!

Wuya

Just shut up and fire the laser.

Xiaolin Showdown

The Last Temptation of Raimundo [2.18]

Kimiko: Poor Rai. We've got to find him. Just so I can give him a piece of my mind! Master Fung: We must not be too hard on Raimundo. It is the Shen Gong Wu that is controlling him. Omi: Yes, but if he had not used the Golden Tiger Claws in the first place, we would not be down the lake with no paddles! Dojo: Hey, kids! Special news bulletin! I did a little recon over Brazil and it turns out there WAS a lava flow. If it wasn't for a certain hero we all know, one village would be toast!

Kimiko

So, Raimundo was telling the truth? That's a first.

Xiaolin Showdown

The Last Temptation of Raimundo [2.18]

Omi: Remember, "Ugly is one skin deep". Dojo is a hideous, fire-breathing dragon, but we look past that!

Dojo

Ouch. Innocent dragon caught in the diss fest.

Xiaolin Showdown

The Last Temptation of Raimundo [2.18]

Wuya: [During a Xiaolin Showdown] Shroud of Shadows! Kimiko: Hey! That's cheating! That wasn't one of the Shen Gong Wu wagered!

Wuya

You're fighting evil. What do you expect?

Xiaolin Showdown

The Year of the Green Monkey [2.19]

Monkey: Mind turning down the volume? Some of us are trying to get a little shuteye. Omi: [Using the Tongue of Saiping] In the middle of the day? You are a very lazy animal! Rabbit: Huh, what a mouth on someone so small. Omi: I am not small, I am compact!

Bird

Yeah, anymore 'compact' and we'd need a microscope to find you!

Xiaolin Showdown

The Year of the Green Monkey [2.19]

Master Fung: The Fountain of Hui has just revealed itself. When activated, it provides unlimited knowledge. Kimiko: Sounds like a pretty handy Wu if you're doing a crossword puzzle. Master Fung: I'm afraid by itself, it can only provide random information. But, when combined its sister Shen Gong Wu the Eagle Scope, the two can be used to unlock the greatest secrets of the universe. Omi: You mean like why baboons have such colorful buttocks?

Master Fung

Yes, and even greater secrets.

Xiaolin Showdown

The Year of the Green Monkey [2.19]

Omi: Now I understand! Jack is only a mere puppy!

Raimundo

...Puppet, I'm guessing.

Xiaolin Showdown

The Demon Seed [2.20]

Vlad: I hear Wuya dump you, again. Jack Spicer: [Imitating Vlad] "I jear Wuya dump you!" Nobody hears Wuya dump me, because I dump Wuya. Vlad: That is not what they say on Internet! Jack Spicer: [Excitedly] I'm on the Internet?

Vlad

Da, in warrior chat rooms everywhere! You big laughing stock! Now when person loses everything, new hip thing to say is 'Aw, I got Jacked!' [Laughs evilly]

Xiaolin Showdown

The Demon Seed [2.20]

Kimiko: It's Spicer, he took the seed!

Clay

And the hotdogs! Come back here with them doggies you no good, low down snake, you yellow bellied, dirty little side winder. I'm gonna get you!

Xiaolin Showdown

The Demon Seed [2.20]

Vlad: What you know about Heylin Seed?

Jack Spicer

I read something about it in Evil Seeds and Gardens. Why?

Xiaolin Showdown

The Demon Seed [2.20]

Raimundo: I bet he writes those on the palm of his hand. [Kimiko snickers] Master Fung: No Raimundo, I write them inside my eyelids. That is why I blink often. [Blinks rapidly]

Dojo

[Pops out of Raimundo's shirt] B-U-S-T-E-D. Ooooohhhh! [Shudders]

Xiaolin Showdown

The New Order [2.21]

Chase Young: You have learned well, Omi. Omi: Well, I WAS taught by the best! Chase Young: Thank you.

Omi

I was speaking of Master Fung!

Xiaolin Showdown

The Apprentice [2.22]

Clay: How do you manage to win every game? Omi: That is most simple: I cheat. [they all look at him] No, no, I am a betrayer when I say I cheat. Raimundo: How do we know that you're not betraying us now, Omi?

Omi

[seriously] Because, Raimundo, you are all my friends, and I could never betray my friends. [Laughs, knocking his head at the table] Ha ha ha, I have mastered deception! Let's play again!

Xiaolin Showdown

The Apprentice [2.22]

Katnappe: Four monks down and one whiny geek to go. Jack: I'M NOT WHINY! Katnappe: Woozy Shooter!

Jack

Reversing Mirror!

Xiaolin Showdown

The Apprentice [2.22]

Omi: I knew you would twice-cross me! So I twice-crossed you first!

Raimundo

That's double-crossed, but I think we get the idea.

Xiaolin Showdown

The Apprentice [2.22]

Omi: Oh, thank you, Master Fung. I promise I will not let you up. Master Fung: Down.

Omi

In every direction.

Xiaolin Showdown

Something Jermaine [2.23]

Jermaine: [After Jack gets the Manchurian Musca] Yo, Omi, you must be trippin'. Omi: I am not taking a trip! Jermaine: Your hotdogging cost us a Shen Gong Wu! Omi: Are you saying it is BECAUSE OF ME?! Jermaine: I'm saying, some poser may need a refresher course on how to be a Xiaolin warrior. Omi: A refresher course!? I should be TEACHING the refresher course! Jermaine: Man, you got an ego bigger than that dome of yours. Omi: Nothing is bigger than my dome! And I thank you to leave my dome OUT OF IT! Jermaine: Can you believe this guy man?

Dojo

Hey, there are three things I've learned not to talk about. Religion, politics and Omi's head.

Xiaolin Showdown

Something Jermaine [2.23]

Dojo: Boys and girls, let me tell you a story about these two dragon buddies. Always seen together, like peas and carrots. Raimundo: Is this story gonna be long or short? Dojo: It'll take as long as it takes! Clay and Kimiko: Long story. Dojo: One day, they have this spot. Angry wicked words were exchanged. Words? That could never taking back. And when it was old...these two friends...would never...speak..again. [sobs] It's funny. But I know even remember what the fight was about. [pause] Oh, wait. Now I remember. Chuck wanted to borrow my yo-yo. My favorite yo-yo. The treasure family yo-yo! I politely told Chuck know. But didn't live it that. NO! He snacked to my room and too many away! And then...he lost it. LOST IT! Well, they played dumb. Never set a word. Until one night I caught a talking asleep! The only time that scoundrel couldn't tell them truth! And he's gone. GOOD RIDDANCE TO YO-YO THIEF! [spits on Clay's dinner] Clay: Dojo, why'd you spittin' my food?

Dojo

Oh. Sorry.

Xiaolin Showdown

Something Jermaine [2.23]

Omi: I order you to spill your internal organs right now! Jack: [screamed] What kind of sick people are you!?

Raimundo

I think he means spill your guts.

Xiaolin Showdown

Something Jermaine [2.23]

Jack: Hey, I want my stuff back. Tubbimura: No, I will keep everything. Jack: Think again, bubba. I press enter and doggy breath is a UFM. Unidentified flying Muffinface!

Tubbimura

No! Not my Muffinface! Ok, ok, I will return your stuff.

Xiaolin Showdown

Dangerous Minds [2.24]

Master Fung: [As the temple collapses] Remember, the fate of the world rests with you!

Raimundo

Is it me or does the fate of the world rest with us a lot?

Xiaolin Showdown

Dangerous Minds [2.24]

Jack: What do you think the spiders want with us? Raimundo: Dude, we're in their web. Take a guess. Jack: [Understanding] I DON'T WANT A SPIDER TO EAT ME! Clay: Chill, evil partner! Spiders don't eat people! They desiccate you, suck out all your fluids until nothing is left. [ dried up and the others staring at him] What? Can't a cowboy have a hobby?

Jack

I don't want to be...what he said!

Xiaolin Showdown

Dangerous Minds [2.24]

Omi: Hurry, everyone! Take my hand! Jack: I have a better idea! I'll take the Golden Tiger Claws! Kimiko: Jack, you jerk!

Jack

Too late, Xiaolin has-been!