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|---|---|---|---|---|---|
401 | How does Bill Clinton get an intern into his office? He calls her on his sexyphone. | 1 | 1.75 | 0 | 0.95 |
402 | me: [headbanging to the radio] my barber: fuckin stop it | 1 | 3.11 | 1 | 0.25 |
403 | One smile, can start a friendship. One word, can end a fight. One look, can save a relationship. One person can change your life. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
404 | My wife found out i was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding. She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again | 1 | 3.35 | 1 | 0.1 |
405 | wanna crazy your crazy? try killing a fly while carrying on a serious conversation. | 1 | 1.45 | 1 | 0.15 |
406 | Damn girl, are your clothes Comcast customers? Because I can see them getting ripped off tonight. | 1 | 1.95 | 0 | 1 |
407 | Turn a regular sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife's birthday. | 1 | 3.25 | 0 | 0.05 |
408 | all gay people open this ㅤㅤ god is a woman | 1 | 0.27 | 0 | 1.35 |
409 | Bob told his wife, "I can't work for him anymore after what he said to me". Wife: What did he say? Bob: You're fired | 1 | 2.79 | 0 | 0 |
410 | No matter what never compare your girlfriend to another woman. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
411 | My wife wears my t-shirts around the house sometimes, but the minute I put on one of her business suits to mow the lawn I get in trouble. | 1 | 2.74 | 1 | 0.05 |
412 | Getting less than the recommended eight hours of sleep a night can make you more susceptible to intrusive and repetitive thoughts; increasing feelings of anxiety and depression. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
413 | [couples therapy] ME: She thinks I make bad decisions WIFE: He traded our car for a skateboard THERAPIST: *writing notes* This guy rules | 1 | 3 | 0 | 0.35 |
414 | Yo moma so stupid she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side | 1 | 2.2 | 0 | 1.15 |
415 | Ok cool - I hear ya all! Stay tuned. 🎼🎤❤️ | 0 | null | null | 0 |
416 | Webster's defines "cliche" as "starting a speech with 'Webster's defines'" | 1 | 2.4 | 1 | 0.15 |
417 | When I put the left AirPod in my left ear on the first try, I know it's gonna be a great day. | 1 | 2.13 | 0 | 0 |
418 | Squirrels are omnivores. In addition to nuts, they also eat insects and mice. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
419 | A leading rabbi has ruled that marijuana is kosher Now we know what kids are gonna be doing for the Jewish High Holidays... | 1 | 2.65 | 1 | 1.7 |
420 | Did you hear about the Vietnam veteran who became a sewage worker? He's seen some shit. | 1 | 2.32 | 0 | 0.9 |
421 | I should have predicted this would happen - my kids saw "Kong: Skull Island" and now they want their own pet Hiddleston. | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0.25 |
422 | get rid of bad breath with yoghurt. a few spoonfuls of natural yoghurt neutralizes halitosis bad breath yoghurt | 0 | null | null | 0.05 |
423 | Amazon is hiring 33,000 new employees for corporate and tech roles. On average, the jobs will offer a total yearly compensation of $150,000. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
424 | Fitness experts say you build more muscle on rest days than you do on workout days, which is good because that's pretty much all I do. | 1 | 2.7 | 0 | 0 |
425 | Don’t miss Kevin and Sam Sorbo’s new movie, Let There Be Light. It’s in theaters this weekend and they need our support! Let There Be Light | 0 | null | null | 0 |
426 | I tried telling a joke my friend from Baghdad told me. Unfortunately, Iraqed it. | 1 | 1.55 | 0 | 0.7 |
427 | The news is currently that spinning image of a newspaper, but it never stops spinning. | 1 | 1.69 | 0 | 0 |
428 | How many gay men does it take to change a lightbulb? "Ummm ... forget about the changing the lightbulb, honey, maybe let's start with changing those curtains" | 1 | 2.45 | 0 | 1.6 |
429 | Sometimes I wake up grumpy. But other times I let her sleep in. | 1 | 2.75 | 1 | 0.1 |
430 | "People like to have a hero, it makes them feel better to think that if they're in the middle of that horror that there's someone special." | 0 | null | null | 0 |
431 | I bet deaf people get really confused when they talk to someone who is applying hand lotion... | 1 | 1.75 | 0 | 1.95 |
432 | Life is like riding a bike, to keep your balance you must keep moving | 0 | null | null | 0 |
433 | I had surgery to change myself from Asian to Caucasian. It was a real eye opening experience haha | 1 | 1.9 | 0 | 3.6 |
434 | "Maybe the more we try to will ourselves to states of bliss the more confused we get, to the point where we don't recognize ourselves." | 0 | null | null | 0 |
435 | It’s funny how all the people whining that we need to destroy Cancel Culture are the ones whose points of view minimize and invalidate the experiences of other human beings. | 0 | null | null | 0.3 |
436 | If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need. Not all this "how did you get in my house??!!!" business. | 1 | 3.32 | 0 | 0.1 |
437 | Its a blessing in disguise when your kids look more like your partner than they do you.... you can distance yourself from them when they embarrass you in public. | 1 | 2.63 | 0 | 0 |
438 | Is anyone else listening to that podcast in their car, the one with the sobbing woman who says I'm not a podcast, damn it, I'm your wife, what's wrong with you? | 1 | 2.61 | 1 | 0.3 |
439 | 24 Guys, it's simple. Treat your girl how you would want your dad to treat your mom. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
440 | What Do You Call A Bad Mexican Restaurant? Shitpotle | 1 | 2.39 | 1 | 0.9 |
441 | What do you call an Irish man sitting in his garden? Paddy O'Furniture. haha | 1 | 2.42 | 1 | 0.8 |
442 | Which country is filled with very poor singers? Singapore. | 1 | 2.2 | 1 | 0.75 |
443 | Snack on Pine Nuts or add'em to salads. Single serving of pine nuts provides 14gm protein + rich in vit E, K, & niacin, magnesium, potassium | 0 | null | null | 0 |
444 | On this episode, you're going to learn the 3 biggest frustrations that women have expressed about the men they used to date. Knowing what these 3 complaints are and why women find them so unattractive will ensure that you are always the one who is in control of your dating life. | 0 | null | null | 0.3 |
445 | Me: I weighed myself before and after I used the bathroom and I was heavier after Wife: How? M: Eating pie on the toilet W: You're disgusting | 1 | 2.17 | 0 | 0.45 |
446 | Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize?.. Because he was outstanding in his field ROFL | 1 | 2.85 | 1 | 0 |
447 | Surgery, like life, is a sport.. And eventually, you've got to get off the bench and decide... Which team are you playing for. | 0 | null | null | 0.1 |
448 | Taking down statues isn't going to fix centuries of systemic oppression, violence and hatred that black people have had to endure but it might bring us one small step closer to making ALL Tennesseans and visitors to our state feel safe - not just the white ones. | 0 | null | null | 0.45 |
449 | Just make sure the babies are not hungry, cuz the wolves know when they 're hungry ' E. Nina Jay We're in the mist of the holiday season, how are you reaching back to help the LGBT youth in your life? Drop a pic or share a story on how you plan on helping your community. | 0 | null | null | 0.4 |
450 | This year, I'm breaking with tradition a little and stuffing my turkey with delusions of grandeur. | 1 | 1.28 | 0 | 0 |
451 | I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought "That's just spam." | 1 | 1.94 | 1 | 0 |
452 | Have you ever heard of the lady who was accused of being the infamous Quilted Killer? She's innocent until proven quilty. | 1 | 1.63 | 0 | 0.15 |
453 | "Are you really HAPPY or just really COMFORTABLE? This is definitely a question worth asking yourself from time to time. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
454 | Today I saw 2 blind people fighting. I shouted "I support the one with the knife.!" they both ran away. | 1 | 2.85 | 0 | 0.95 |
455 | I was at the vet with my cat, Cat: "Meow" Me: "I know, that's why I brought you here" | 1 | 2 | 1 | 0 |
456 | My heart is with everyone in Tennessee who has been affected by the tornados. Sending you my love and prayers. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
457 | If it were a country, California would be the fifth-richest in the world, and the 37th-most populated as of 2020. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
458 | In three words you can sum up everything there is to know about life: It goes on | 0 | null | null | 0 |
459 | I have a very specific kind of OCD where I like to buy a dozen donuts and a dozen donut holes and then reunite them. | 1 | 2.65 | 1 | 0.1 |
460 | "I'm trying so hard to let you off the hook. I'm trying to make it right, what I did to you. Can't you see that?' | 0 | null | null | 0 |
461 | Why are african americans so good at sports? Because of hard work and dedication. | 0 | null | null | 0.3 |
462 | Do all black people have a problem with slavery? Or just mine? | 1 | 2.39 | 1 | 3.4 |
463 | What would you find on a German fire truck? Ladder-hosen | 1 | 2 | 0 | 0 |
464 | This morning my kitten was riding around the house on my dog's back like he was on a horse. I'd post a video of it but I made it up. | 1 | 1.79 | 1 | 0 |
465 | I was recently burgled. They took my life preserver, my AED and my portable oxygen tank. It was my entire life savings. | 1 | 2.06 | 1 | 0.15 |
466 | So this week on the podcast we received a letter from a young queer person concerned with life after death, and how her queerness fits into all of that. So now we're curious, how have y'all navigate your relationship with death and the afterlife as a queer person? | 0 | null | null | 0.55 |
467 | Just realized I’ve been calling somebody “Ty”who was just signing his texts “thank you”. Im 80 | 1 | 0.93 | 0 | 0.05 |
468 | What do you call a kinky dinosaur? A doyouhaveasoreass. | 1 | 2.7 | 1 | 0.35 |
469 | Who decided to call them pallbearers and not dead lifters | 1 | 2.89 | 0 | 0.5 |
470 | Keanu Reeves was once sued for assault by a paparazzo who slipped while taking his picture. It took 18 months for the case to go to trial and just 1 hour for the jury to dismiss it. | 0 | null | null | 0.25 |
471 | Sometimes the past is something you just can't let go of. And sometimes the past is something we'll do anything to forget. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
472 | What do you call children born in brothels? Whorephans | 1 | 2.1 | 0 | 2.85 |
473 | Two nuns walking through the park were confronted by a flasher. The 85-year-old nun immediately had a stroke. The younger one didn't touch it. | 1 | 2.8 | 1 | 1.2 |
474 | *mugger pulls a knife* Mugger: gimme your money Me: well this night took a SHARP turn *later* Doctor: it's a record for amount of stabs | 1 | 2.55 | 1 | 0.6 |
475 | Sincerity can make small deeds gigantic | 0 | null | null | 0 |
476 | How did 1940's German Men pick up Jewish Girls With a broom and a dustpan | 1 | 1.2 | 0 | 3.65 |
477 | You owe no one an apology for being gay! They owe you an apology for being homophobic! | 0 | null | null | 0.75 |
478 | DYK: Excessive caregiving isn't healthy and can lead to mental and emotional health issues for black women? How can we break free of this? | 0 | null | null | 0.3 |
479 | Some plants can "hear" bees coming and respond by making sweeter nectar. | 0 | null | null | 0.1 |
480 | Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing away anything, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a mexican drug lord. | 1 | 2.55 | 1 | 0.6 |
481 | What do you call a group of confused Spanish speaking racists? The Qué Qué Qué | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0.9 |
482 | In 2014, a man paid $13,000 for a golden egg at a sale. It turned out to be one of only a few original Faberge eggs still known to exist and was once owned by Russia's Tsar Alexander III. It was seized during the Russian Revolution and was worth $33.3 million. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
483 | Do not be passive about this work. It's about saving lives. Be bold. Be daring. You are our future. naesm2016 | 0 | null | null | 0 |
484 | Protip: Buy your toddler a king sized bed. You're going to be spending a lot of time laying in that bed, so you might as well be comfortable. | 1 | 2.42 | 0 | 0 |
485 | "When I am with you, there's no place I'd rather be." - Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynne. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
486 | When people ask if the carpet matches the drapes, I say it's all hardwood, baby. Or maybe laminate? I'll put you in touch with my designer. | 1 | 1.45 | 0 | 0.65 |
487 | me: [gasp] santa! what are you doing here santa: oh ho ho i was just- my mom: [turning on light] you get the fuck out of here santa: linda he deserves to know who his dad is | 1 | 2.26 | 1 | 0.55 |
488 | My girlfriend complained that I treat her like a slave. So I sold her. | 1 | 2.4 | 1 | 2.75 |
489 | Canada's lakes, rivers, streams and wetlands, hold 20% of the world's freshwater. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
490 | Don't buy whitening toothpaste It says guaranteed whiteness in 14 days. 15 days have come and gone... and I am still asian. | 1 | 2.35 | 1 | 1.75 |
491 | What Did The Muslim Terminator Say? Allah Be Back. | 1 | 2.55 | 0 | 1.95 |
492 | What do you call a black Canadian? Just 'Canadian'. | 1 | 0.94 | 0 | 0.6 |
493 | My epileptic brother won the dancing competition at our local pub last night... He was only walking across the dance floor to get a pint. | 1 | 2.05 | 1 | 1.75 |
494 | You know how annoying it is when your toddler continually asks stupid questions? That's how Google feels about all of us. | 1 | 2.95 | 0 | 0.5 |
495 | *In job interview* And what would you say is your best quality. *I silently stand and start moving chairs to make room to do the splits* | 1 | 1.69 | 0 | 0 |
496 | Unusual honesty is not the same old bs you hear people saying when they first meet. It is talking to the person like they're a close friend. | 0 | null | null | 0 |
497 | To the Dads out there: today and all days, may your Dockers be wrinkle-free. | 1 | 1.87 | 1 | 0 |
498 | don't make fun of anyone trying to better themselves | 0 | null | null | 0 |
499 | The Canadian election is happening and it's getting ugly. I just saw two people supporting opposing parties arguing on Facebook and they both forgot to say please and thank you. | 1 | 2.95 | 0 | 0.25 |
500 | Have you seen the Passion of the Christ? [Spoiler Alert] he dies in the end. rofl | 1 | 1.84 | 0 | 1.25 |