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Friends - The One With The Worst Best Man Ever [Phoebe Buffay] That's like the tenth time I've peed since I've been here! [Monica Geller] That's also like the tenth time you told us. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, oh I'm sorry, it must be really hard to hear! I tell ya, it's a lot easier having three babies play Bringing in the Noise, Bringing in da Funk on your bladder! I'm so sick of being pregnant! The only happiness I get is from a cup of coffee, which of course is decaf, 'cause-Oh! I'm pregnant! [Ross Geller] Pheebs, did...you want a cookie? [Phoebe Buffay] Thank you so much. [Rachel Green] So uh, Pheebs, honey, how are those mood swings coming? [Phoebe Buffay] I haven't really had any yet. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey guys! [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Ross Geller] All right, here's the ring. [Chandler Bing] Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes! [Ross Geller] So uh, any ideas for the bachelor party yet? [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa-whoa-whoa! Before you start handing out wedding rings and planning bachelor parties, don't you have to decide who your best man is gonna be? [Chandler Bing] Oh, it's awkward. It's awkward. It's awkward. [Ross Geller] I sort've already asked Chandler. [Joey Tribbiani] What?! He got to do it at your first wedding! [Ross Geller] Joey, I figured you'd understand. I mean, I-I've known him a lot longer. [Joey Tribbiani] Come on Ross! Look, I-I don't have any brothers; I'll never get to be a best man! [Chandler Bing] You can be the best man when I get married. [Joey Tribbiani] I'll never get to be a best man! [Ross Geller] Wait-wait, so, you get to be my best man twice and I never get to be yours at all? [Chandler Bing] Oh no-no-no, you-yeah, of course you get to be my best man. [Joey Tribbiani] What about me?! You-you just said I could! [Chandler Bing] I'm not even getting married! Okay, this is a question for science fiction writers! [Joey Tribbiani] I can't believe you're not picking me. [Ross Geller] Hey, how can it not be me?!HeyHey! [Chandler Bing] I'm not even... I'm not even... [Ross Geller] Fine, y'know what, that's it. From now on, Joey, I want you to be my best man. [Joey Tribbiani] Yes! Shame about you man. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Stop it! [Monica Geller] What? [Phoebe Buffay] One of the babies is kicking. [Monica Geller] I thought that was a good thing. [Phoebe Buffay] It's not kicking me, it's kicking one of the other babies. Oh ! Don't make me come in there! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Do you guys have like a big bowl I can borrow? [Monica Geller] Yeah, there's one right under the cabinet. [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks. [Monica Geller] Why do you need it? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, we're having a big party tomorrow night. Later! [Rachel Green] Whoa! Hey-hey, you planning on inviting us? [Joey Tribbiani] Nooo, later. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey!! Get your ass back here, Tribbiani!! [Rachel Green] Hormones! [Monica Geller] What Phoebe meant to say was umm, how come you're having a party and we're not invited? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, it's Ross's bachelor party. [Monica Geller] Sooo? [Joey Tribbiani] Are you bachelors? [Monica Geller] Nooo! [Joey Tribbiani] Are you strippers? [Rachel Green] Nooo! [Joey Tribbiani] Then you're not invited. [Rachel Green] All right fine! You're not invited to the party we're gonna have either. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh-whoa, what party? [Rachel Green] Well umm... [Monica Geller] The baby shower for Phoebe! [Joey Tribbiani] Baby shower. Wow! That sounds sooo like something I don't want to do! Later! [Phoebe Buffay] I can't believe I'm gonna have a party! This is so great! A party! Yay!! I don't know why. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] This is what I've got going for the party so far, liquor wise. Get a lot of liquor. [Ross Geller] Great. Great. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, now uh, in terms of the invite list, I've got you, me, and Chandler and I'm gonna invite Gunther 'cause, well, we've been talking about this pretty loud. [Gunther] I'll be there. [Joey Tribbiani] All right-oh! Listen, I know this is your party, but I'd really like to the number of museum geeks that are gonna be there. [Ross Geller] Yeah. Tell ya what, let's not invite any of the anthropologists, only the dinosaur dudes! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay! We'll need a six-pack of Zima. [Chandler Bing] Hey guys, what are you doing? [Ross Geller] Oh, just planning my bachelor party with my best man. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, well, good luck trying to top the last one. [Ross Geller] Yeah, see, I don't think it's gonna that difficult considering this one won't be taking place in the basement of a Pizza Hut. [Chandler Bing] Oh, I'm Ross. I'm Ross. I'm too good for the Hut; I'm too good for the Hut. [Ross Geller] Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker, no-no strippers or anything okay? [Joey Tribbiani] You got it. [Ross Geller] Okay, see ya later. [Chandler Bing] See ya. Have fun planning your mellow bachelor party. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, there's gonna be strippers there. He didn't say anything about no strippers. [Chandler Bing] He just said, "No strippers." [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I chose not to hear that. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Look what I got! Look what I got! Look what I got! Can you believe they make these for little people? [Rachel Green] Little village people. [Monica Geller] Okay, look at this one. This is my favourite. [Rachel Green] Oh, that is so sweet! [Monica Geller] I know! Phoebe is gonna love dressing them in these! [Rachel Green] Huh. Except, Phoebe's not gonna be the one that gets to dress them. [Monica Geller] Because she's not gonna get to keep the babies. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! We are throwing the most depressing baby shower ever! [Monica Geller] Wait a minute! Unless, we give her all gifts she can use after she's done being pregnant. Like-like umm, regular coffee, Tequila. [Rachel Green] Oh, and somebody can get those leather pants she's always wanted! [Monica Geller] Oh, she's gonna love that! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] What the hell is this?! What, did you actually thought it would make me feel better to give me stuff that I can't use for another two months?! This sucks! All right, what's my next present?! [#ALL#] I don't have anything. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey listen man, about the stripper... [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah? [Ross Geller] Good call! [Chandler Bing] Okay, a little announcement, a little announcement. I've decided that my best man is, my best friend Gunther! [Gunther] What's my last name? [Chandler Bing] Central Perk? [Gunther] Thanks for not marrying Rachel. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh-whoa-wait, Gunther don't-don't forget your shirt. [Ross Geller] Hey-hey, what are those? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, little party favours, check it out! [Ross Geller] Wow! Yeah! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh-oh! [Chandler Bing] Okay, okay, a little announcement, I just want everyone to know that the position of my best man is still open! And uh, so is the position of the bride. [The Stripper] Great! [Ross Geller] Smooth man. Yeah, you got some chilie on your neck. Well, I just want to say, thanks everyone, this-this was great. And hey! See you guys Monday morning. Thanks Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, hey, don't forget your shirt. [Ross Geller] Oh, thanks! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, hey, museum geeks, party's over. Okay. Wave bye-bye to the nice lady. There you go. Back to your parent's basement. All right. Come on boys, come on out! Here you go. All right. [The Stripper] Ohhh, look at the little birdies! Are those yours? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! [The Stripper] Wow, I didn't know they let you keep chickens and ducks as pets. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah-yeah. And I got the duck totally trained. Watch this. Stare at the wall. Hardly move. Be white. [The Stripper] You are really good at that. So uh, I had fun tonight, you throw one hell of a party. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh thanks. Thanks. It was great meetin' ya. And listen if any of my friends gets married, or have a birthday, or a Tuesday... [The Stripper] Yeah, that would be great. So I guess umm, good night. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh unless you uh, you wanna hang around. [The Stripper] Yeah? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. I'll let you play with my duck. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, stripper! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] The stripper stole the ring!! The stripper stole the ring!! Chandler! Chandler, get up! Get up! The stripper stole the ring! [Chandler Bing] What? [Joey Tribbiani] The ring is gone! [Chandler Bing] Ugh. Just a sec, give me a minute to wake up for this-Ah-ha-ha!! You lost the ring! You're the worst best man ever! [Joey Tribbiani] Dude, this isn't funny! What am I gonna do?! I go to bed last night, everything's cool! I wake up this morning, the stripper's gone and the ring is gone! [Chandler Bing] You slept with the stripper? [Joey Tribbiani] Of course!! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hi, guys. [Rachel Green] Hi! Phoebe. [Monica Geller] Hi Phoebe. [Phoebe Buffay] I-I wanted to apologise if I-y'know seemed a tad edgy yesterday at my shower. Y'know it's just the hormones, y'know. [Rachel Green] No we... [Monica Geller] Hormones. [Rachel Green] ...hormones, yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you, it was just, it was so sweet. [Monica Geller] Wow, you seem to be doing so much better. That's great. So how-how are things going? [Phoebe Buffay] Good. Y'know-no-no, okay, it's-it feels like everything's been about me lately, so what's happening with you? [Rachel Green] Oh, well, actually we were just talking about me not going to Ross's wedding. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! [Rachel Green] It just might be too hard, given the history and all that... [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! This reminds me of the time when I was umm, living on the street and this guy offered to buy me food if I slept with him. [Rachel Green] Well, h-how is this like that? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, let's see, it's not. Really, like that. Because, you see that was an actual problem, and uh, yours is just like y'know a bunch of y'know high school crap that nobody really gives y'know... [Rachel Green] I'm-I'm sorry, I just thought that... [Phoebe Buffay] Alrighty, here come the water works. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Ugh! I don't know what I'm going to do! I called the company that sent and th-they don't care! Then I called 9-1-1 and they laughed at me, if this isn't an emergency, then what is? [Ross Geller] Hey guys! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey... [Ross Geller] I just wanted to thank you again for last night, what a great party! And the guys from work had a blast. Y'know, one of them had never been to a bachelor party before. Yeah! And-and another one had never been to a party before, so... [Joey Tribbiani] So uh, hey, that uh, that wedding ring, huh? Man, that's nice! [Ross Geller] Yeah, right! [Joey Tribbiani] I was uh, I was thinking I might want to pick one of those babies up for myself, I might want to get one of those... [Ross Geller] That ring? When my grandmother first came to this country, that ring and the clothes on her back were all she had with her. [Chandler Bing] So you might say, the ring is irreplaceable? [Ross Geller] Oh absolutely! It has been in my family for generations, and every bride who has worn it has had a long and happy life. [Chandler Bing] So you might say, it's a magic ring. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, the stripper stole it. [Ross Geller] My-my ring? My-my wedding ring? The-the stripper stole my wedding ring?! H-how?! How could this all happen?! [Chandler Bing] Well, I think it all started when you said, "Hey Joey, why don't you be my best man." [Ross Geller] All right-all right, fine! I-I'm gonna call the cops! [Joey Tribbiani] Dude, I screwed up, you don't have to turn me in! [Ross Geller] Not on you! On the stripper! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, yeah, well I already did that! They said they're gonna look into it right after they solved all the murders. [Ross Geller] Okay, well, we'll call the company that sent her! [Joey Tribbiani] I did that too! They wouldn't give me her real name or her number. They said, "If I bothered them again they'd call the police." I said, "If you talk to the police, you tell them I'm missing a ring!" [Ross Geller] So what, Joey? Wh-wh-what? What are you telling me? That there's nothing we can do? Well, how could this happen?! [Joey Tribbiani] Look Ross, I am so-so sorry. I-I-I... [Chandler Bing] Well, what if we just ah, called her, used a fake name, and had her come to my office? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, that sounds like fun, but we've got a ring to find!! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Here's your tea Phoebe. [Phoebe Buffay] It's so good. Oh, thanks. [Rachel Green] Good. [Monica Geller] I'm so glad you liked it. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! [Monica Geller] What?! [Rachel Green] What?! She made the tea! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! No, I-I think I just had a contraction. [Rachel Green] You what? [Monica Geller] Oh my God! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I thought I had one a couple of minutes ago, and now I know that was definitely one. [Monica Geller] Wait, you can't have the baby here! I mean I haven't sterilised it since the guys moved out! [Rachel Green] Okay. It's okay. We're gonna be okay. Y'know what? It's okay. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna boil some water and just rip up some sheets! [Phoebe Buffay] No. It's all right; it's probably false labour. They said that, that can happen near the end, just somebody get the book. [Monica Geller] Rachel, get the book! The book! [Rachel Green] Okay! Okay! Here! [Monica Geller] The Bible?! [Rachel Green] I don't know! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] All right, okay, this is great, uh, Chandler, you get behind the desk. And-and when she comes in hopefully, she won't recognise you because, well, why would she? Uh, okay, and then you buzz Ross and I. You be Mr. Gonzalez, and I'll be uh, Mr. Wong. [Ross Geller] Diverse. [The Stripper] Did anybody call for security? [Chandler Bing] You be cool. [The Stripper] Okay, which one of you guys is Gunther Central-Perk? Hey, Joey? [Ross Geller] Where's my ring? My dead grandmother's wedding ring? Where is it? Where is it? [Chandler Bing] Way to be cool, man. [The Stripper] What's he talking about? [Joey Tribbiani] There was a ring, in a box, on my nightstand, after you left, it was gone! [The Stripper] Wait, you guys think I stole some ring? [The Guys] Yeah! [Ross Geller] We know you took so just-just save yourself the time and confess! [The Stripper] Okay, who are you? The Hardy boys? Look, I don't need to steal some stupid ring, all right? I make $1,600 a week doing what I do; any of you guys make that? [Chandler Bing] Marry me. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] I don't get it! It was in my room all night! And if she didn't take it, and I didn't take it; and you didn't take it, then who did? Shh! We're trying to think! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] I still don't get how you know when it's false labour. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, do you see any babies? [Monica Geller] How do you feel? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I guess. I mean... I don't know, it's just, I guess I know it's going to be over soon. [Rachel Green] Well, isn't that a good thing? You said you were sick of this. [Phoebe Buffay] I know. It's just y'know usually when you're, when you're done with the pregnant thing, y'know, then you get to do the mom thing. I'm gonna be y'know, sitting around in my leather pants, drinking Tequila. [Monica Geller] Some moms do that. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay that's even sadder. Look, I know, I know what I got myself into, it's just that now that they're in me it's like, it's like I know them y'know, I mean-I mean, it's just not gonna be easy when these little babies have to go away. [Monica Geller] Aww, sweetie, but it's not like you're not gonna have anything. You're gonna have nieces and nephews, and some ways that's even better. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, okay. [Rachel Green] No, really. Really, Pheebs, you're not gonna be the one worrying about saving for college, or yelling at them when they're bad, y'know, or deciding to put them on Ritalin when they just won't calm down. Y'know? [Monica Geller] I mean, you're the one they're gonna come to when they wanna run away from home, and the one they talk to about sex. [Rachel Green] And you just get to be cool Aunt Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] Cool Aunt Phoebe. I am pretty cool! [Monica Geller] Yeah. [Rachel Green] And y'know what else, oh my God, are they gonna love you. [Phoebe Buffay] They are gonna love me. [Rachel Green] Oh! [Phoebe Buffay] Thanks you guys! Again. [Monica Geller] Oh, sweetie! [Phoebe Buffay] You're the best. Thanks. Oh! [Monica Geller] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] Just kidding. Ahh! [Rachel Green] What?! [Monica Geller] Oh my God! [Phoebe Buffay] Got cha again, you guys are so easy. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] If anything should happen to him... [Ross Geller] Joey! The vet said it's a simple procedure. [Joey Tribbiani] So! Things can go wrong! You don't know! What if he doesn't make it?! [Chandler Bing] He will, Joe. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, but what if he doesn't? He's such a good duck. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm so worried about him, y'know? [The Doctor] Somebody lose a ring? [Ross Geller] Oh my God! Thank you! Thank you so much! [Joey Tribbiani] H-h-h-how's the duck? [The Doctor] He's doing just fine, he's resting now, but you can see him in a little bit. [Joey Tribbiani] Ohh, great! Oh hey, listen Ross, thanks for being so cool about this. [Ross Geller] No, that's all right. [Joey Tribbiani] No, it's not. I mean you-you made me your best man and I totally let you down! [Chandler Bing] Hey, come on, it's not your fault. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, it is! You wouldn't have lost the ring, right? Y'know what, Ross you were right from the start, he should be your best man. [Chandler Bing] No, you should. [Joey Tribbiani] Now, don't argue with me... [Ross Geller] Hey! Hey! Hey! I get to choose my best man, and I want both you guys. [Chandler Bing] Really? [Joey Tribbiani] Really? [Ross Geller] Hey, both you guys should be up there with me. I mean, you two are-are my... I mean, I'm lucky to have just one good... [Chandler Bing] Thanks man. [Joey Tribbiani] I gotta go check something over here. [Chandler Bing] What a baby. [Ross Geller] Total wuss!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s04", "episode": "e22", "title": "The One With The Worst Best Man Ever"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Ross's Wedding, Part 1 [Monica Geller] Guys, hurry up! The flight leaves in four hours! It could take time to get a taxi! There could be traffic! The plane could leave early! When we get to London, there could be a line at customs! Come on!! [Chandler Bing] Six-hour trip to London. That's a lot of Monica. [Joey Tribbiani] What do you got there? [Chandler Bing] Condoms, dude! [Joey Tribbiani] How come the writing is in Spanish? [Chandler Bing] Don't read my condoms! [Monica Geller] Passport, check! Camera, check! Traveller's cheques, check! [Rachel Green] Who are you saying "check" too? [Monica Geller] Myself. Y'know for remembering to pack a thing. Yeah, you do a good thing, you get a check! My mom does it, I never realised it was weird. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, my mom used to put her head in the oven. Well, actually, she only did it the one time. But it was pretty weird. [Ross Geller] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey! Are you ready yet? [Monica Geller] Yep! You got the tickets? [Ross Geller] Oh! Got 'em right here, check! [Joey Tribbiani] It's all London, baby! Here we go. [Chandler Bing] You got your passport? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, in my third drawer on my dresser. You don't want to lose that. [Joey Tribbiani] Ohh!! [Chandler Bing] There it is. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Okay, if you need the vacuum, it's in my closet on the left-hand side. Ah, the garbage bags are next to the refrigerator... [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, okay, but Rachel's gonna be here too, can't I just ask her this stuff? [Monica Geller] Yeah, okay, give that a try! [Chandler Bing] All right! Let's do it! [Joey Tribbiani] Woo-hoo!! [Ross Geller] Yeah, cheerie-o! [Joey Tribbiani] London baby! [Chandler Bing] Okay, 'cause that's not gonna get annoying. [Joey Tribbiani] London baby!! [Chandler Bing] Hey, y'know what? I was wrong. [Ross Geller] Well, we're all here! I guess we should get going! [Phoebe Buffay] Ohhh, I wanna come over there and give you a hug and wish you luck on your wedding, but I don't-can't get up. [Ross Geller] Oh, I'll-I'll come hug you. [Phoebe Buffay] Great! Yeah, could you bring me the newspaper? [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, have a great wedding! [Ross Geller] Thanks. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, hey, Chandler I wanna hug you too! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, and great! You might as well bring me my book, it's on the counter in your apartment. [Chandler Bing] Oh. [Ross Geller] So, we're off. [Rachel Green] Have fun! [Ross Geller] Thanks! Ugh, I can't believe you're not gonna be there! [Rachel Green] Oh, I know. [Ross Geller] So-so come! Why don't you come? [Rachel Green] What?! [Ross Geller] To London! Come to London. Please? It'll mean so much to me. [Rachel Green] Yeah, well, I gotta work, I'm sorry. [Ross Geller] Why-why can't you take a couple of days off? [Rachel Green] Because, I can't! Ross, I told you, no. I can't. [Ross Geller] This is my wedding. [Monica Geller] All right, y'know what? We really are late! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!! [Ross Geller] Fine. You'll-you'll watch it on video when we get back. [Chandler Bing] Here you go Phoebe! Here you go Phobo! Phewbedo! Phaybobo. [Phoebe Buffay] Thank you. [Phoebe Buffay] Thank you. [Ross Geller] All right, let's go! Bye, Pheebs! [Joey Tribbiani] Bye, Pheebs! [Joey Tribbiani] London baby!! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, do you need a hug? You don't have to bring me anything! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Come on! Do something! [Chandler Bing] I am, I'm ignoring you. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, here! I wanna be the on camera guy. All right, first stop, Westminster Abbey. [Chandler Bing] Oh, what the hell is that? [Joey Tribbiani] It's London, baby! All right, the hotel's here. Wait. No, we wanna go... No. I know. I'm gonna have to go into the map. [Chandler Bing] Okay, if you see a little version of me in there? Kill it! [Joey Tribbiani] I got it! Here we go. [Chandler Bing] Okay. Listen-listen, we're not gonna have to walk this way the entire time are we? [Joey Tribbiani] Shhh! Man, you made me lose it! --------------------------------------- [Emily Waltham] ...and that was all before 10 o'clock. The caterer rang and said it was going to be Chicken Kiev instead of Chicken Tarragon. And then the florist phoned to say there aren't any tulips. Oh, and the chilliest has carpel-tunel syndrome. We're not gonna be... [Ross Geller] Whoa-whoa-whoa! Emily, honey, okay? [Emily Waltham] Well, up yours too! [Ross Geller] What?! [Emily Waltham] Oh, that's not what it means? [Ross Geller] No! No! That's-that's time-out! [Emily Waltham] Sorry. [Ross Geller] Sweetie, you gotta relax. Everything's gonna be great, okay? Come on. Come on. [Monica Geller] Chicken Kiev? [Ross Geller] Um-hmm! Doesn't that sound delicious at the last minute? [Monica Geller] Yeah, y'know, but something like salmon which would be so much more elegant than the chicken. And, you wouldn't have to worry about the salmonella. But of course with salmon you'd have to worry about the chickenella... So, I can't wait to see this place you're getting married! [Ross Geller] Yeah. Yeah. Yes, this place is beautiful. Emily's parents got married here. [Emily Waltham] I still can't believe they're tearing it down. It really is the most lovely building you'll ever see. I mean it's over... Oh my God! [Monica Geller] It's nice. [Emily Waltham] Oh. Oh. [Emily Waltham] Oh. Oh my God. How can this be happening? What are we going to do? [Ross Geller] It's all right! Everything's gonna be all right. [Emily Waltham] How's it gonna be all right?! [Ross Geller] Uh-huh, I see that. [Monica Geller] Okay, I talked to the guy with the shovel and I found out what happened. [Ross Geller] What? What? [Monica Geller] They tore it down a few days early. --------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] All right! Westminster Abbey! Hands down, best Abbey I've ever seen. Hey! Okay. What do you think of the Abbey, Chandler? [Chandler Bing] I think it's great. It's great. Y'know, they're thinking of changing the name of this place. [Joey Tribbiani] Really? To what? [Chandler Bing] To Put the Camera Away!!! [Joey Tribbiani] Man, you are Westminster Crabby. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Don't worry. You'll find some place to get married. [Monica Geller] Oowww!! [Dressmaker] Sorry. Lucky this dress is red! [Emily Waltham] We can't find another place. Then we can't have the wedding! I've ordered chicken and salad and-and cake for 150. What should be the most wonderful day of my life is rapidly turning into just Sunday with a spectacular amount of food! [Monica Geller] You're gonna find a place. But even if - God forbid - you didn't.. So you postpone the wedding. Is that really so bad? I mean, think about it. You could take all the time you needed to get everything that you want. You could have tulips, you could have salmon.... Mmmmm... Salmon!! [Emily Waltham] I suppose it wouldn't be the end of the world... Oh, thank you! [Monica Geller] But either way... You're gonna get married, you're gonna be happy, my mom's gonna like you better than me. [Monica Geller] Oh, god... She's told you that already, didn't she?! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. Oh. [Rachel Green] Oh, honey! Don't get up! What do you need? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, no. Oh, nothing. [Rachel Green] Come on! I am here to take care of you! What do you need? Anything. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I have a wedgie. [Rachel Green] Okay, that is all you. [Phoebe Buffay] So-so, what do you want for lunch? [Rachel Green] Oh, I don't know. I guess we have to eat. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I do. What's the matter? [Rachel Green] I'm just bummed about the way I left things with Ross. I shouldn't have lied to him about having to work. He seemed so mad at me. [Phoebe Buffay] Eh, don't be so hard on yourself. If someone I was still in love with was getting married... [Rachel Green] Still in love with?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! [Rachel Green] I'm not in love with Ross! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. No. No. Good! Yeah, me neither. [Rachel Green] Phoebe, I'm going to Ross's wedding because he is my ex-boyfriend and that would be really uncomfortable. Not because, I'm still in love with him! I mean, hey, y'know, I like Ross as much as the next guy, y'know? Clearly I have feelings for him, but feelings don't mean love! I mean, I still have loving feelings for Ross. Yeah! But, I have, I have continuing feelings of love, but that doesn't mean that-that I'm still in love with him. Y'know? I-I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love him-Ohh! Oh my God! Oh my-why didn't you tell me?!! [Phoebe Buffay] We thought you knew! [Rachel Green] We?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, we all know! We talk about it all the time! [Rachel Green] You all know? Does Ross know? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no, Ross doesn't know anything. [Rachel Green] Oh, I can not believe you didn't tell me! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, because we thought you knew!! It's so obvious! God, that would be like telling Monica, "Hey, you like things clean." Or, y'know, "Hey, Joey, you're gay." [Rachel Green] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, please! She's always got a broom in her hand! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [The Vendor] So, what are you guys in the market for? We've got uh, scarves, tulip post cards... [Joey Tribbiani] Check this out? Huh? Yeah. That's the stuff. What do you think? [Chandler Bing] Well, I don't have to buy that, "I'm with stupid" T-shirt anymore. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I like it. Here you go. [Chandler Bing] All right, look, you're not really gonna buy that are you? Don't you think you've embarrassed me enough for one day? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I embarrass you? [Chandler Bing] How can I answer that when I'm pretending I don't know you? [The Vendor] He's just jealous. You'll fit right in; all Londoners wear them! [Chandler Bing] Oh really? Then how come no one here is wearing them? [The Vendor] They're all tourists. [Chandler Bing] All right, look, if you insist on wearing that, in public, y'know, you're gonna spend the rest of the afternoon all by yourself. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah? If you're gonna make me choose between you and the hat? I choose the hat. [The Vendor] Good choice. [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks. [Chandler Bing] Okay, wait. All right, that's it, okay, I'm out of here. I am not going to be embarrassed anymore! [Joey Tribbiani] How you doin'? Joey Tribbiani, America. --------------------------------------- [Emily Waltham] Hello? [Ross Geller] Hey! I just spoke to your dad, and you know what? He seems to think we'll be able to find a new place for the wedding. [Emily Waltham] We don't have to. [Ross Geller] Whoa-whoa-what? You found a place? [Emily Waltham] No. But, Monica and I were talking, and-and I was so upset about the hall being knocked down, and she suggested that we put the wedding off for a bit. [Ross Geller] She said what? [Emily Waltham] She said, "If I'm not gonna be happy getting married somewhere that we find in a day, well then we should just postpone it." [Ross Geller] Postpone it? Emily, do you think Monica realises how much our parents spent on this wedding? Do you my sister's teeny-tiny little brain comprehends that people took time out of their lives to fly thousands of miles to be here, huh? This isn't right. [Emily Waltham] I realise that people are going to be disappointed. But, I'm sure they'll come back when we can do it right. [Ross Geller] I can't ask people to do that? Would you ask people to do that? [Emily Waltham] Don't you point your pants at me! We have no choice! Anywhere that's half-decent would've be booked months ago, Ross don't you understand? This is our wedding I'm talking about. [Ross Geller] The only thing I understand is; postponing it is not an option. This is when we're getting married. [Emily Waltham] So what are you saying? It's now or never? [Ross Geller] No. I'm saying it's now. [Emily Waltham] Or? [Ross Geller] There's no 'or' in mind. What is wrong with these pants?!! [Emily Waltham] It's not the pants. It's you that is backwards. And if, and if you don't understand how important this is to me, well then, perhaps we shouldn't get married at all! [Ross Geller] No, wait! Emily! No, wait, stop! Emily, please- --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hi. [Phoebe Buffay] So, did shopping make you feel any better about Ross? [Rachel Green] Manhattan does not have enough stores. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I think I can help you get over him. [Rachel Green] You can? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. I just need you to bring me some photos of Ross. [Rachel Green] Um-hmm. [Phoebe Buffay] And a small piece of chocolate. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] And a glass of tepid water. [Rachel Green] Ooh, is this one of those things where you throw it in a bag with some graveyard dirt and hang it from a north-facing tree? [Phoebe Buffay] Uh, only if you have the hiccups too. Yeah, the pictures are for you, the water and the chocolate is for me. I just didn't feel like getting up. Okay, I'm gonna show you a picture of Ross. Okay? And you're going to remember all of the bad things about him. All right? Really focus on his flaws. [Rachel Green] I can do that. I certainly did it when we were going out. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Umm, before we get started, I just wanna say for the record that I love Ross, I think he's such a great guy. Here. Okay, now, close your eyes. And imagine that you're with Ross okay and imagine that you're kissing him. And you're-you're running your hands all over his body. And then you run your hands through his hair, but eew-oh gross it's some kind of grease, it's-uck! Hah? [Rachel Green] I don't know, his uh, his hair never really bothered me that much, and y'know it was always more crunchy than it was greasy. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, this is going to be harder than I thought. Umm, let's try some uh, aversion therapy. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay? [Rachel Green] All right. [Phoebe Buffay] So uh, now look at the picture... [Rachel Green] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] All right, and umm... [Rachel Green] Ow! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, how do you feel now? [Rachel Green] Well, I like you less! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Well, this is just as boring in England. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh. Sorry! [Chandler Bing] No-no-no, y'know what? I really shouldn't have said that you were embarrassing me, I mean that really wasn't cool. And if it makes you feel any better, I've had a really lousy day. [Joey Tribbiani] Me too. [Chandler Bing] Yeah? [Joey Tribbiani] Noo!! I've had the best day ever! Dude, check this out! Now, I'm gonna fastforward past the part with you, 'cause it is boring. [Monica Geller] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Sh-shh-shh! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, so say hi to my friend and tell him that you like the hat. [Fergie] Okay, so umm, what's your friend's name? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, Chandler. [Fergie] Hi Chandler! [Chandler Bing] That's... That's was... [Monica Geller] Oh my God! [Joey Tribbiani] That's Fergie baby!! [Fergie] Joey says you don't really like his hat, but I think it's kinda dashing. [Joey Tribbiani] So, I hear you're single now... [Fergie] Yeah, ummm, I don't like the hat that much. [Chandler Bing] How did you? How? How? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I was trying to figure out how to get to Buckingham Palace, right? So, I'm in my map and-and... Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hi. I understand you had a little talk with Emily. [Monica Geller] Yes, I did! And you are welcome! [Ross Geller] Am I?! And was it your idea to postpone the wedding?! [Monica Geller] Umm... [Chandler Bing] I'm gonna go to the bathroom. [Joey Tribbiani] Wait up! [Ross Geller] Hey-hey, since you're the 'fix-it' lady, here's a pickle, what do you do when the bride says she doesn't want to have the wedding at all? [Monica Geller] She said that?! [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Monica Geller] Why?! [Ross Geller] I don't know, I told her it was stupid to put off the wedding just because the hall was gone and she liked flipped out. [Monica Geller] Oh my God. You're even dumber than I am! [Ross Geller] Excuse me? [Monica Geller] Ross, how long have you been planning this wedding? [Ross Geller] I don't know. A month? [Monica Geller] Emily has probably been planning it since she was five! Ever since the first time she took a pillowcase and hung it off the back of her head. That's what we did! We dreamed about the perfect wedding, and the perfect place, with the perfect four-tiered wedding cake , with the little people on top. Thanks. But the most important part is that we had the perfect guy who understood just how important all that other stuff was. [Ross Geller] I had no idea. And that-that pillowcase thing, I thought you guys were just doing the flying nun. [Monica Geller] Sometimes we were. [Ross Geller] Come on. You gotta help me figure out what to do. Okay? [Monica Geller] Okay. [Ross Geller] Come on. [Chandler Bing] That was pretty intense huh? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. Hey, I hope Ross didn't think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here! [Chandler Bing] I hope he did! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh! I thought of a good flaw! Ross pops his gum! [Rachel Green] Oh, right! Wait a minute, I do that too. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I know. It drives me crazy. [Phoebe Buffay] I'll get it. [Phoebe Buffay] Hello. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, Pheebs! It's Joey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, Joey! Hey! Ooh! Ooh! I just say someone on the-that looks just like you on the subway. And I was gonna go over and say 'hi!' but then I figured, he doesn't care if he looks like you. [Joey Tribbiani] That just cost me four bucks. But uh listen, I just called to see how the chick and the duck are doing? [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, they're having a great time with their Aunt Phoebe! Aunt Rachel hasn't been helpful at all. So, do you miss me? [Joey Tribbiani] Kinda, but I've just been having way too much fun. [Phoebe Buffay] So you're not homesick yet? [Joey Tribbiani] No, I don't think so. [Phoebe Buffay] All right, the seven of us miss you. [Joey Tribbiani] Who's seven? [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know, me, Rachel, the birds, the babies... [Joey Tribbiani] Ahh, the babies miss me? [Phoebe Buffay] Of course they do! Or I'm just really hungry. [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, the pizza guy's here! [Joey Tribbiani] What? You ordered pizza without me?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. But y'know we were thinking about you, y'know we ordered the Joey Special. [Joey Tribbiani] Two pizzas?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yep! Okay, gotta go, talk to you later. [Joey Tribbiani] Wait, well, where did you get it from?! --------------------------------------- [Emily Waltham] Monica, why have you brought me here of all places?! [Monica Geller] You'll see. [Emily Waltham] I tell you, this wedding is not going to happen. [Emily Waltham] Oh God. [Ross Geller] Okay? But-but imagine a lot more lights, okay? And-and y'know fewer bricks, and-and-and flowers, and candles... [Monica Geller] And the musicians, look, they can go over here , okay? And the chairs can face this way , and... You go. [Ross Geller] But-but, if you don't love this, we'll do it in any other place at any other time. Really, it's fine, whatever you want. [Emily Waltham] It's perfect. [Ross Geller] And, I don't know, if it starts to rain... [Emily Waltham] Well then we'll get wet. [Monica Geller] Ohh. And I don't even have a date. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Pheebs? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? [Rachel Green] Do you remember where the duck food is? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, it's in the guys' apartment under the sink. Why? [Rachel Green] Because I'm going to London. [Phoebe Buffay] What?! What do you mean you're going to London? [Rachel Green] Yeah, I have to tell Ross that I love him. Now honey, you take care, you don't have those babies until I get back. [Phoebe Buffay] But what about all the "finding-his-flaws" stuff we've been doing? [Rachel Green] Yeah, that didn't work. [Phoebe Buffay] I-Rachel, you can't go! Ross loves Emily! [Rachel Green] Yeah, I know, I know, I know he does. But I have to tell him how I feel! He deserves to have all the information and then he can make an informed decision. [Phoebe Buffay] That's not why you're going! You're going because you hope he's gonna say, "Yeah, I love you too, Rach. Forget that British chippy." [Rachel Green] Ohh-Do you think he will?! [Phoebe Buffay] No! Because he's in love with the British chippy! Look, Rachel, if you go, you're just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding! Y'know, it's too late! You missed you're chance! I'm sorry, I know this must be really hard, it's over. [Rachel Green] Y'know what? No. It's not over until someone says, "I do." [Phoebe Buffay] I do! I do! I do! I do! Ugh, like I can really chase you. I'm carrying a litter.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s04", "episode": "e23", "title": "The One With Ross's Wedding, Part 1"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Ross's Wedding, Part 2 [Housekeeper] The Waltham Residence. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh...yes..is this..umm..Emily's Parents' house. [Housekeeper] This is the housekeeper speaking. And by the way, young lady, that is not how one addresses a person on the telephone. First one identifies oneself and then asks for the person with whom one wishes to speak. [Phoebe Buffay] What are you saying?! [Housekeeper] Now, let us try that again, shall we? [Phoebe Buffay] No! Ooh! Oh my god! [Housekeeper] The Waltham Residence. [Phoebe Buffay] Hello. This is Phoebe Buffay. I was wondering, please, if-if it's not too much trouble, please, umm, might I speak to Miss Emily Waltham, please? [Housekeeper] Miss Waltham, is at the rehearsal dinner and it's not polite to make fun of people. Goodbye. [Phoebe Buffay] No no no, I'll be nice, I swear!!! Could you just give me the number for where they are? [Housekeeper] I'm afraid, I'm not at liberty to divulge that information. [Phoebe Buffay] Ok, somebody is on their way to ruin wedding okay. And I have to warn somebody, alright. So if you don't give me that number then I'm going to come over there and kick your snooty ass all the way to New Glocken..shire. [Housekeeper] Hangs up. [Phoebe Buffay] Hello, Hello. Ohh, OHH, she knew I could kick her ass. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey. [Ross Geller] Hi. Mom. Dad. [Judy Geller] Sweetheart. Oh sorry were late, my fault, I insisted on riding the tube. [Jack Geller] Judy, the kids.. [Judy Geller] Jack, that's what they call the subway. [Jack Geller] Ohh, I thought that you.... [Monica Geller] Dad, dad. We got it!! We Got It!!! [Emily Waltham] Ohh, here comes my dad and stepmum. Mister and Misses Geller, this is Steven and Andrea Waltham. [Stephen Waltham] Hello. Hello. How do you do? How do you do? Very nice to meet you. Darling it's the Gellers. Darling, it's the Gellers. She's very self-absorbed, you know. I should never have married her. [Andrea Waltham] Sorry, what? [Stephen Waltham] It's the Gellers! [Andrea Waltham] Where? [Stephen Waltham] Well there's one and there's another . [Andrea Waltham] Lovely to meet you. [Stephen Waltham] Terribly nice of you to offer to pay for half the wedding. [Jack Geller] Ohh forget it. Too hell with tradition, we're happy to do it. [Judy Geller] We know how expensive weddings can be, besides this may be the only wedding we get to throw . [Monica Geller] Ha ha, a joke that's funny in all countries. --------------------------------------- [Waiter] Sir? [Joey Tribbiani] What's in it? [Waiter] Goat cheese, water chestnuts, and panchetta. [Joey Tribbiani] That's not food...No, I don't, no... Everything's different here...I want to go home. I...I miss my family. I miss the coffee house. I can't even remember what Phoebe looks like. [Chandler Bing] Joey, it's been three days, okay.. Your just a little homesick, Okay. Would you just try to relax. Just, just try to enjoy yourself. [Joey Tribbiani] Your different here too. Your mean in England. [Jack Geller] What the hell!!! [Ross Geller] what's up, Dad? [Jack Geller] This bill for my half of the wedding. it's insane. [Judy Geller] How could it be so much? The receptions at their house. [Jack Geller] Flowers, liquor, recarpet first floor. New guest bath, landscaping. I'm paying to remodel this guys house. I'm going to give that son on a bitch, a piece of my mind. [Ross Geller] Dad, dad, please. Look I don't want anything to upset Emily tonight. Alright, she's had a hard enough couple of days as it is. Now here, here, let me go talk to him, okay? [Jack Geller] And you tell him no one takes advantage of the Gellers. [Judy Geller] Ooh, Jack.... Sometimes I forget how powerful you can be. [Monica Geller] And I'm going to go get drunk. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ooh, ooh, ooh,ooh,ooh. Hi. [Ticket Agent] Hello. [Rachel Green] Hello. Umm, when is your next flight to London? [Ticket Agent] There's one leaving in thirty minutes. [Rachel Green] Ohh, good. [Ticket Agent] And I do have one seat left. [Rachel Green] Ohh, thank you, thank you, thank you. [Ticket Agent] The last minute fare on this ticket is twenty seven hundred dollars. [Rachel Green] Huh.. How about 600? [Ticket Agent] Sorry. [Rachel Green] How about 600 and these earrings? [Ticket Agent] They prefer it if I don't barter. [Rachel Green] Ohh, I just don't think I have enough left on my credit card. [Ticket Agent] Well you can split it with another credit card. [Rachel Green] Ohh, okay, how about five. Ohh, thank you. [Ticket Agent] I'm just going to need to see your passport. [Rachel Green] Okay, you know what? I don't have it, but I can tell you exactly where it is on my night stand, and...okay. But you know what? I have my drivers license and I have a twenty. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Look, face it, my father is not going to pay for the build-in barbecue and believe me you can kiss you gazebo goodbye. Now I might be able to get you the new lawn. [Stephen Waltham] Ahh, then you have to give us the lawn ornaments. [Ross Geller] I go back there with lawn ornaments, he's going to laugh in my face. [Andrea Waltham] This is ridiculous. I mean we had an agreement. Will you say something, Steven?! Please!!! [Stephen Waltham] Don't take that tone with me. All-all right you can. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi, Pheebs. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh thank god. Oh, you changed your mind. Oh, look I know you probably want to be alone, and you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. I just want you to know, I think you are doing the right thing and... [Rachel Green] Bye, Pheebs. [Phoebe Buffay] Wait!! Where are you going?! What are you doing?! No!! Wait!! God!! Why am I always pregnant when she does that?! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] I'd like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will. Okay. I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. And I thought things were going to work out for him.. Until the day he over inflated her. Ohh, Dear God.. [Andrea Waltham] Hello, Waltham Interiors. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, hi, Mrs. Waltham. I need to speak with ether one of the best men, or Ross's sister Monica. [Andrea Waltham] Who is this? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I'm Phoebe Buffay. I'm one of Ross's best friends. [Andrea Waltham] Where did you get this number? [Phoebe Buffay] I got it from your maid. She's a bitch, but I wore her down. [Andrea Waltham] Well, if you're one of Ross's best friends, why aren't you here? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, um, I can't fly. I'm having my brother's babies. [Andrea Waltham] Oh, am I on the radio? [Phoebe Buffay] No..umm, could I talk to one of them? It's very very important. [Andrea Waltham] No, I'm bored with you now. I'm going to cut you off. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh! Okay, I'm going to have to kick her ass too. [Chandler Bing] And I'm sure we're all very excited that Ross and Emily are getting married at Montgomery Hall. I mean to think, my friend getting married in Monty Hall. Ohh, come on!! Monty Hall!! Lets make a Deal!! Come on, you people!! All right, forget it!! Congratulations, Ross and Emily. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, best man number two, Joey Tribbiani. Now I'm not good with the jokes like Chandler here. Boy...but ahh, I just want to say congratulation to the happy couple. I first met Ross in this coffee house back home...Home...New York City...Where everybody knows my name. Well anyway, I love you guys. But not as much as I love America. Could we please..go home now? [Felicity] Are you going home? I was hoping to get to know you better. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I was laughing. [Chandler Bing] Out loud? [Monica Geller] Well I didn't want everyone to think I was stupid. [Chandler Bing] So how are you doing? [Monica Geller] My mother's driving me crazy, but Ross is getting married. I'm happy. I'm not going to let anything spoil that. [Drunk Man] I just want to say that Ross is a wonderful young man. [Monica Geller] Well, thanks, we like him. [Drunk Man] My god!! You must have been a teenage when you had him. [Jack Geller] There's no way in hell, I'm paying for it. [Ross Geller] Look, were down to just one point. Could we please, maybe just settle it after the wedding. [Jack Geller] All-right fine, but I just want to say, I'm not paying for your wine cellar. You thieving, would be speaking German if it weren't for us, cheap little man. [Chandler Bing] The guy was hammered, okay? There's no way, you look like Ross's mother. [Monica Geller] Then why would he say it? [Chandler Bing] Because he's crazy. Okay? He came up to me earlier and thanked me for my very moving performance in Titanic. [Monica Geller] Oh, my mother's right. I'm never going to get married. [Chandler Bing] Ahh, you know what? That is....Who wouldn't want you? [Monica Geller] Ohh, Please?! I'm a single mom, with a thirty year old son!! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi, I'm back. Listen, I need to... [Ticket Agent] Hello. [Rachel Green] Hello. I need to get on the 11 o'clock flight. [Ticket Agent] Oh I'm afraid that plane has already pulled away from the gate. [Rachel Green] Okay, you know what? You're going to have to call that plane and tell them to swing around and come and pick me up. [Ticket Agent] I can't do that. [Rachel Green] Sure, you know what? Come on, we'll just tell them that there was like a problem with like the "engine". [Ticket Agent] I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to step aside, Miss. [Rachel Green] Look, If I don't get to London!! He is going to marry that other girl!!! [Ticket Agent] I can't imagine why. [Rachel Green] All right, you know what? I am not leaving here, until you call that plane back!! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] I'm getting married today!! Whoo-hoo!! [Chandler Bing] Morning, Ross. [Ross Geller] I'm getting married, to..day!! [Chandler Bing] Yeah you are!! [Ross Geller] Ahh, whoo-hoo!! [Monica Geller] Do you think he knew I was here? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ohhh. [Passenger] Ahh, ahh, excuse me. [Rachel Green] Yeah? [Passenger] If you're planning on doing that throughout the entire flight. Please tell me now. So that I could that a sedative...or perhaps slip you one. [Rachel Green] Oh. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. Sorry. It's just, I'm ahh, I'm kinda excited. I'm, ahh, going to London to ahh, tell this guy that I love him and... --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Well I've-I've never done that with you before. [Monica Geller] Nope. [Chandler Bing] So, ahh, how are ya? How ya...How ya... You okay? [Monica Geller] Yep, yep...You? [Chandler Bing] Yes...Yes..Uh-huh, You? We did you. [Monica Geller] Well...I'd better get going. [Chandler Bing] Oh yea yea, absolutely. [Monica Geller] Could you not look? [Chandler Bing] I don't want to look. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hello? [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, were the hell have you been?! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. I spent the night out. I met this cute bridesmaid. She is so... [Phoebe Buffay] I don't want to hear about her!! [Joey Tribbiani] Ahh Pheebs, you know you're still my number one girl. [Phoebe Buffay] No! No, we have an emergency. Okay? Rachel's coming to London. [Joey Tribbiani] Ohh great!!! [Phoebe Buffay] No it's not great. No, she's coming to tell Ross that she loves him. [Joey Tribbiani] But, he loves Emily? [Phoebe Buffay] I KNOW THAT!!! You have to stop her!! She's going to ruin the wedding!! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] All right, so, okay... [Joey Tribbiani] Hold on. Hold on. Rachel coming. Do...Something. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, so I'm done my part, okay. It's your responsibility now, okay. The burden is off me, right? [Joey Tribbiani] Right! [Phoebe Buffay] So tell me about this girl? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] ...And so then I realised. All this stuff I had been doing. proposing to Joshua, lying to Ross about why I couldn't come to the wedding. Was all just a way of... [Passenger] Oh, oh oh!! I'm sorry, can I interrupt? You know I just want to say..That you are a horrible, horrible person. [Rachel Green] Ehh, pardon me? [Passenger] You say you love this man, yet you're about to ruin the happiest day of his life. I'm afraid I have to agree with you friend Pheebs.. This is a..this is a...terrible, terrible plan. [Rachel Green] But he has to know how I feel! [Passenger] But why? He loves this...this Emily person. No good can come of this. [Rachel Green] Well I-I think your wrong. [Passenger] Oh-no. [Rachel Green] Well, he doesn't really love her. I mean, it's just a rebound thing from me.... You'll see! [Passenger] Fortunately, I won't. And by the way, it seems to be perfectly clear that you were on a break. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Do something..... Something.... [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Have you seen Monica? [Chandler Bing] I'm not seeing Monica. [Joey Tribbiani] What? [Chandler Bing] What? [Joey Tribbiani] Look we've got to find her. Phoebe just called!! Rachel's coming to tell Ross she loves him!! [Chandler Bing] Oh my god! [Joey Tribbiani] I know! That's why we got to find Monica!! You know where she is? [Chandler Bing] No!! Okay!! What's with the third degree?! Why don't you just shine a light in my eyes?! --------------------------------------- [Judy Geller] Oh my God! It's like a fairyland. [Andrea Waltham] I know, it's horrible isn't it? [Monica Geller] Well, I love it. I only hope my wedding looks this good. [Judy Geller] I just hope... [Monica Geller] You can let some of them go by! [Joey Tribbiani] Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for Rachel. I'll cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross. [Monica Geller] Why would I care where Chandler is? You know uhh...You know sometimes I don't even like Chandler. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Ross Geller] I do. I do. I do. [Chandler Bing] Oh yea, your right. It's the second one. [Ross Geller] Really? --------------------------------------- [Felicity] Hello Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, Felicity. [Felicity] Umm, I thought about you all day. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Felicity] Um-hum. Talk New York to me again. [Joey Tribbiani] Fuggetaboutit. How you doin? [Felicity] Mmm. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, yeah. [Judy Geller] There's nothing to discuss. We're not paying for your wine cellar. [Stephen Waltham] You-you have to meet me in the middle here. [Jack Geller] Hey, you keep pushing me on this, my foots going to meet the middle of your ass. [Ross Geller] Dad!! [Emily Waltham] What-what's going on?! [Ross Geller] Nothing, nothing. Everything's under control. [Stephen Waltham] You want a piece of me, sir? Is that what your saying? You want a piece of me? [Ross Geller] Okay! Okay! That's it!! Parents!! Parents!! Back away!! All right, this is our wedding day! From now on everyone gets along, and if I hear one more word. NO GRANDCHILDREN! That's right!! [Jack Geller] Okay, okay. [Stephen Waltham] Sorry old boy, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I could kill you with my thumb, you know. [Emily Waltham] What was all that about? [Ross Geller] It was...This disagreement over... My god. You...you look beautiful. [Emily Waltham] Ohh... Oh! You were not meant to see me before the wedding. It's bad luck. [Ross Geller] You know what, I think we've had all the bad luck we're going to have. [Ross Geller] My God. Rachel! Your here. I can't believe it. What happen? Why are you here? [Rachel Green] Well I just came... I just needed to tell you... Congratulations. --------------------------------------- [Andrea Waltham] Hello, Waltham Interiors. [Phoebe Buffay] Mrs. Waltham. Hi. It's Phoebe again. [Andrea Waltham] Why?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yea. Can I please, please, please talk to one of the best men? This is going to be the last time I promise. [Andrea Waltham] Joey there's a girl on the phone for you. [Joey Tribbiani] Ohh great!! Hello. [Phoebe Buffay] Joey, it's Phoebe. Did you stop Rachel? [Joey Tribbiani] No, but it's okay. She just came in and gave him a hug, that it. [Phoebe Buffay] So nothing got ruined? [Joey Tribbiani] No. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh that's so great! Ohh, so what's going on now? [Joey Tribbiani] Ah, I'm-I'm walking down the aisle...Still walking. I'm about to pass the bridesmaid I hooked up with last night. Hey! I told her "Hey." And now I'm at the front with Ross. It's Phoebe. He looks pretty mad. Uh...I'd better go. [Phoebe Buffay] No!! wait, wait, wait!! Oh please, hold it up so I can listen. [Chandler Bing] What we did last night was.... [Monica Geller] Stupid. [Chandler Bing] Totally crazy stupid. [Monica Geller] What were we thinking? [Chandler Bing] I'm coming over tonight though, right? [Monica Geller] Oh yeah. Definitely. [Minister] Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union of Ross and Emily. May the happiness we share with them today be with them always. Now Emily, repeat after me. I, Emily... [Emily Waltham] I, Emily... [Minister] Take thee Ross... [Emily Waltham] Take thee Ross... [Minister] As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, till death parts us. [Emily Waltham] As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death parts us. [Minister] Now Ross, repeat after me. I Ross... [Ross Geller] I Ross... [Minister] Take thee, Emily... [Ross Geller] Take thee, Rachel... Emily. Emily. [Rachel Green] He-he said Rachel, right? Do you think I should go up there? [Minister] Uhh...Shall I go on? [Emily Waltham] Yes, yes, do go on. [Jack Geller] He better go on for what I'm paying. [Stephen Waltham] After what he just said, you're paying for the whole bloody lot. [Minister] I think we'd better start again. Ross, repeat after me. I, Ross... [Ross Geller] I, Ross... [Minister] Take thee, EM-I-LY... [Ross Geller] Take thee, Emily. Like there'd be anybody else. [Minister] As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death parts us. [Andrea Waltham] Looks like that might come any minute. [Ross Geller] As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death parts us. Really, I do. Emily. [Minister] May I have the rings? Emily, place this ring on Ross's finger as a symbol of your bond everlasting. Ross, place this ring in Emily's hand as a symbol of the love that encircles you forever. [Ross Geller] Happy to. [Minister] Ross and Emily have made their declarations and it gives me great pleasure to declare them husband and wife. [Ross Geller] Yay! [Minister] You may kiss the bride. [Judy Geller] This is worse than when he married the lesbian. [Emily Waltham] Just keep smiling. [Ross Geller] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, that went well. Yeah. [Chandler Bing] It could've been worse, he could've shot her. [Ross Geller] That uh, that was pretty funny. Wasn't it? --------------------------------------- [Emily Waltham] You've spoiled everything! It's like a nightmare! My friends and family are out there! How can I face them?! How can you do this to me?! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, no matter what happens with Ross and Emily, we still get cake right? [Ross Geller] That-that-that's all right, no honey, you take your time sweetie. I'll be right out here. She's just fixing her makeup. [Emily Waltham] I hate you!! [Ross Geller] And, I love you!! [Jack Geller] Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh Ross? [Ross Geller] That's true, thanks dad. People should be dancing! Huh? Hey, this is a party! Come on! Joey, dance!! [Andrea Waltham] Yes, Waltham interiors. [Phoebe Buffay] Uh, hello, this is Ross Geller's personal physician, Dr. Philange. [Andrea Waltham] Who? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I've discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine, uh, now without it, uh, in the brain of Ross, uh women's names are interchangeable, through-through no fault of his own. [Andrea Waltham] Oh my God, Phoebe. [Phoebe Buffay] No, not Phoebe, Dr. Philange. Oh no! You have it too! [Phoebe Buffay] Hello? What kind of bitch hangs up on a doctor! [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Monica Geller] Hey. [Chandler Bing] Oh wow, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but, I know we had plans to meet up tonight and, ugh, I'm just kinda worried about what it might do to our friendship. [Monica Geller] I know. How could we have let this happen? [Chandler Bing] Seven times! [Monica Geller] Ugh! Well, y'know, we were away... [Chandler Bing] In a foreign, romantic country... [Monica Geller] I blame London. [Chandler Bing] Bad London! [Monica Geller] So look umm, while we're st-still in London, I mean, we can keep doing it right? [Chandler Bing] Well, I don't see that we have a choice. But, when we're back home, we don't do it. [Monica Geller] Only here. [Chandler Bing] Y'know, I saw a wine cellar downstairs... [Monica Geller] I'll meet you there in two minutes. [Chandler Bing] Okay! [Rachel Green] Mon, honey, I gotta ask you something. [Monica Geller] Now? [Rachel Green] Ross said my name up there, I mean, come on, I just can't pretend that didn't happen can I? [Monica Geller] Oh, I-I don't know. [Rachel Green] Monica, what should I do? [Monica Geller] Just uh, do the right thing. [Rachel Green] What? [Monica Geller] Toe the line. Thread the needle. Think outside the box! [Rachel Green] Whoa, wait, listen, I think I'm just gonna talk to Ross about what he think it meant. [Monica Geller] Wait. Rachel, no, he's married. Married! If you don't realise that, I can't help you. [Rachel Green] Okay, you're right. You're right. You can't help me. [Judy Geller] Jack, is it all our fault? Were we bad parents? [Stephen Waltham] Yes. [Jack Geller] Oh yeah, well who serves steak when there's no place to sit, I mean how are you supposed to eat this? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, what's up? [Joey Tribbiani] You and me, next dance? [Andrea Waltham] Sweetheart, sweetheart... [Rachel Green] Yes? [Andrea Waltham] You know, we're all wondering who this Rachel is. Can you point her out to me? [Rachel Green] Oh, you know what? Rachel.. She just left. [Andrea Waltham] Oh.. Never mind. Who are you? [Rachel Green] Ra.... Er.. Barbra. [Andrea Waltham] Red Barbra? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Monica Geller] Where were you? We were supposed to meet in the wine cellar? [Chandler Bing] Forget it, that's off. [Monica Geller] Why?! [Stephen Waltham] The next tour of the wine cellar will plan in two in-in minutes... [Monica Geller] Joey, what are you doing? You promised Phoebe you wouldn't eat meat until she has the babies! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I figured we're in another country, so it doesn't count. [Monica Geller] That's true. [Chandler Bing] The man's got a point. [Rachel Green] Oh, hi! [Ross Geller] Hi! [Rachel Green] Hi. Sorry, things aren't working out so well. [Ross Geller] Oh no! It could be better, but it's gonna be okay, right? [Rachel Green] Oh yeah! Of course, I mean, she's gonna get over this, y'know? I mean, so you said my name! Y'know you just said it 'cause you saw me there, if you'd have seen a circus freak, you would've said, "I take thee circus freak." Y'know, it didn't mean anything, it's just a mistake. It didn't mean anything. Right? [Ross Geller] No! No! Of course it didn't mean anything! I mean, uh well, I can understand why Emily would think it meant something, y'know, because-because it was you... [Rachel Green] Right... [Ross Geller] But it absolutely didn't. It didn't!! It didn't!! [Joey Tribbiani] Ross, hey, the band's ready outside for your first dance with Emily, so... [Ross Geller] Oh! Oh-oh, the band's ready! Well, I-I-we gotta do what the band says-I don't care about the stupid band!! [Joey Tribbiani] You spit on me man! [Ross Geller] Look, I'm sorry. [Joey Tribbiani] Emily is kinda taking a long time, huh? [Rachel Green] Y'know when I locked myself in the bathroom at my wedding, it was because I was trying to pop the window out of the frame. [Ross Geller] Oh, right! [Rachel Green] Get the hell out of there, y'know? [Ross Geller] Emily? Emily? I'm coming in. [Rachel Green] Well, look at that, same thing. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Listen, in the middle of everything if I scream the word, "Yippee!" just ignore me. [Monica Geller] Oh my God, Rachel! Hi! [Chandler Bing] Oh, hello Rachel. [Rachel Green] Ross said my name. Okay? My name. [Monica Geller] How did you get in here? [Rachel Green] If anybody asks, I'm your sister, Joan. Listen. C'mon, you guys. Ross said my name up there that obviously means that he still loves me! [Chandler Bing] Your sister Joan is crazy. [Rachel Green] Y'know what? Fine, I don't care. Don't believe me, I know I'm right-do you guys want to go downstairs and get a drink? [Chandler Bing] Yes, we do. But, we have to change first. [Monica Geller] Yes, I want to change. And why-why don't you go down and get us a table? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, we'll be down in like five minutes. [Monica Geller] Fifteen minutes. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Rachel Green] Hello? Oh, Pheebs! It's Phoebe! [Chandler Bing] Oh, yay... [Monica Geller] Great... [Rachel Green] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Hi, so what happened? [Rachel Green] Well, Ross said my name. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I know, but I don't think that means anything. [Rachel Green] Okay, Pheebs, y'know what, let's look at this objectively all right? Ninth grade, right? The obsession starts. All right? The summer after ninth grade he sees me in a two-piece for the first time, his obsession begins to grow. So then... [Chandler Bing] Hey, listen, why don't we go change in my room? [Monica Geller] But my clothes are-ohh! [Chandler Bing] Wow, you look... [Monica Geller] No time for that! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, dude, let me in. I got a girl out here! [Chandler Bing] Well, I've got a girl in here. [Joey Tribbiani] No you don't, I just saw you go in there with Monica! [Chandler Bing] Well, we're-we're hanging out in here! [Joey Tribbiani] Look, which one of us is gonna be having sex in there, me or you? [Chandler Bing] Well, I suppose I'd have to say you!! But, what if we're watching a movie in here? [Monica Geller] Which we are, and-and we already paid for it. It's My Giant! [Joey Tribbiani] My Giant? I love that movie! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] You really think this is okay? [Chandler Bing] Well, Ross and Emily aren't gonna use it. [Monica Geller] Oh, it's so beautiful. Ohh! Y'know, I-I don't know if I feel right about this. [Chandler Bing] Oh Mon-Mon-Mon-Mon-look, this is the honeymoon suite. The room expects sex. The room would be disappointed if it didn't get sex. All of the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser. [Monica Geller] Okay! [Chandler Bing] Okay! [Ross Geller] Emily?! [Chandler Bing] Nope, not under here! [Monica Geller] You didn't find her? [Ross Geller] No, I've looked everywhere! [Chandler Bing] Well, you couldn't have looked everywhere or else you would've found her! [Monica Geller] Yeah, I think you should keep looking! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, for about 30 minutes. [Monica Geller] Or 45. [Chandler Bing] Wow, in 45 minutes you can find her twice. [Ross Geller] No! For all I know, she's trying to find me but couldn't because I kept moving around. No, from now on, I'm staying in one place. Right here. [Monica Geller] Well, it's getting late. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, we're gonna go. [Ross Geller] Actually, do you guys mind staying here for a while? [Monica Geller] Ugh, y'know, umm we gotta get up early and catch that plane for New York. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, it's a very large plane. [Ross Geller] That's cool. [Chandler Bing] But, we'll stay here with you. [Ross Geller] Thanks guys! I really appreciate this, y'know, but you don't have to rub my butt. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] We have to leave for New York in an hour. [Monica Geller] I know, I've been looking at those doors, they look pretty sound proof, don't you think? [Chandler Bing] We can't do that that's insane. I mean 'A' he could wake up and 'B' y'know, let's go for it. [Ross Geller] Em-Emily? Em-Emily? Emily! [Stephen Waltham] No. [Andrea Waltham] You can forget about Emily, she's not with us. [Stephen Waltham] We've come for her things. [Ross Geller] Wait, well wh-wh-wh-where is she? [Stephen Waltham] She's in hiding. She's utterly humiliated. She doesn't want to see you ever again. [Andrea Waltham] We're very sad that it didn't work out between you and Emily, monkey. But, I think you're absolutely delicious. [Stephen Waltham] Excuse me, I'm standing right here! [Andrea Waltham] Oh yes, there you are. [Rachel Green] Hey-hey, you guys oh hurry up, get some, there's a whole cart outside... [Stephen Waltham] Goodbye Geller. [Ross Geller] Now, hold on! Hold on! Look, look, your daughter and I are supposed to leave tonight for our honeymoon, now-now you-you tell her that I'm gonna be at that airport and I hope that she'll be there too! Oh yeah, I said Rachel's name, but it didn't mean anything, Okay? She's-she's just a friend and that's all! That's all! Now just tell Emily that I love her and that I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. Please, promise me that you'll tell her that. [Stephen Waltham] All right, I'll tell her. Come on bugger face! [Andrea Waltham] Call me. [Stephen Waltham] You spend half your life in the bathroom, why don't you ever go out the bloody window! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Y'know, maybe it's best that we never got to do it again. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, it kinda makes that-that one night special. Y'know, technically we still are over international waters. [Monica Geller] I'm gonna go to the bathroom, maybe I'll see you there in a bit? [Chandler Bing] 'Kay! [Joey Tribbiani] Can I ask you something? [Chandler Bing] Uhh, no. [Joey Tribbiani] Felicity and I, we're watching My Giant, and I was thinking, "I'm never gonna be as good an actor as that giant." Do you think I'm just wasting my life with this acting thing? [Chandler Bing] No. [Joey Tribbiani] I mean, the giant is like five years younger than me, y'know, you think I'll ever get there? [Chandler Bing] Yes. [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks man. [Chandler Bing] Okay man. [Joey Tribbiani] But what about how much taller he is than me? [Joey Tribbiani] I mean, there's no way I can make myself taller now, y'know? And who knows what science will come up with in the future, but Chandler, what if I die an unsuccessful, regular sized man? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, Monica, wow you've been in the bathroom for like a half-hour. [Monica Geller] I know! [Joey Tribbiani] Had the beef-tips, huh? --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Rach! Rach! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Ross Geller] Hi! What are you, what are you doing here? [Rachel Green] Well, I-I-I've been on Standby for a flight home for hours. [Ross Geller] Oh. [Rachel Green] Ohh, so no sign of Emily huh? [Ross Geller] Not yet. [Rachel Green] So umm, what time are you supposed to leave? [Gate Agent] This is the last call for Flight 1066 to Athens. The last call. [Ross Geller] Pretty soon I guess. [Rachel Green] Yeah. I'm sorry. [Ross Geller] I just, I don't understand, I mean, how-how can she do this? Y'know, what, am I, am I like a complete idiot for thinking that she'd actually show up? [Rachel Green] No, you're not an idiot, Ross. You're a guy very much in love. [Ross Geller] Same difference. [Gate Agent] All ticketed passengers for Flight 1066 to Athens should now be on board. [Ross Geller] I get it! Well, that's that. [Rachel Green] No, you know what, I think you should go. [Ross Geller] What? [Rachel Green] Yeah, I do. I think you should go, by yourself, get some distance, clear your head, I think it'd be really good. [Ross Geller] Oh, I don't, I don't, I don't know... [Rachel Green] Oh, come on Ross! I think it would be really good for you! [Ross Geller] I could, yeah, I can do that. [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Ross Geller] I can't, I can't even believe her! No, y'know what, I am, I am gonna go! [Rachel Green] Good! [Ross Geller] I know, why not? [Rachel Green] Right! [Ross Geller] Right? [Rachel Green] Right! [Ross Geller] Y'know-thanks! [Rachel Green] Okay, I'll see you back at home, if I ever get a flight out of here. [Ross Geller] Yeah, well...nah. [Rachel Green] What? Wait, what? [Ross Geller] Why don't you come, I mean, I-I have two tickets, why not? [Rachel Green] Well-well, I don't know Ross-really? [Ross Geller] Yeah, yeah, it'll be great! You can, you can lay on the beach and I can cry over my failed marriage. See-see how I make jokes? [Rachel Green] Uh-huh. [Ross Geller] No really, I mean, I mean, God, I could use a friend. [Rachel Green] Oh wow, uh okay, uh maybe. Umm, yes, I can do that! [Ross Geller] Okay! [Rachel Green] Okay! [Ross Geller] Cool! [Rachel Green] All right! [Ross Geller] Come on! Here. [Rachel Green] Oh, okay, we're going. Yeah. [Ross Geller] Ah! Ah! I forgot my jacket! [Rachel Green] Oh, wait-wait-wait... [Ross Geller] You tell them to wait! [Rachel Green] Okay. Wait! Wait! [Ross Geller] Emily. [Ross Geller] Oh no-no-no! Oh-no! No! No! Emily! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ahh, yes, I will have a glass of the Merlot [Air Hostess] Okay. [Rachel Green] And uh, he will have a white wine spritzer. [Air Hostess] Okay, good. Thank you. I'll be back shortly, all right? [Rachel Green] All right. Woo! Hey, look at that, the airport's moving. Hey, are we moving?! Are we moving? Why are we moving? They said they were gonna wait! Miss? Yeah, does the captain know that we're moving? Oh my... Ross, you better be under the wheels of this thing!! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] You ate meat! You had sex! [Chandler Bing] No we didn't! [Phoebe Buffay] I know you didn't, I was talking about Monica. [Monica Geller] Phoebe, I did not have sex. [Phoebe Buffay] This pregnancy is throwing me all off. [Joey Tribbiani] All right, I'm gonna go say hi the chick and the duck. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, me too! [Joey Tribbiani] Why would you need to say hi to them, you've been feeding them for four days? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh right, maybe I'll just go home. [Monica Geller] Well, we certainly are alone. [Chandler Bing] Yes! Good thing we have that, 'Not in New York' rule. [Monica Geller] Right. Umm, listen since we're-we-re on that subject, umm, I just wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Ross's mother... [Chandler Bing] Right. [Monica Geller] Well, an-anyway, I just-that night meant a lot to me, I guess I'm just trying to say thanks. [Chandler Bing] Oh. Y'know, that night meant a lot to me too, and it wasn't because I was in a bad place or anything, it just meant a lot to me 'cause, you're really hot! Is that okay? [Monica Geller] That's okay. [Chandler Bing] And I'm cute too. [Monica Geller] And you're cute too. [Chandler Bing] Thank you! All right, I gotta go unpack. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Chandler Bing] Bye. [Chandler Bing] I'm still on London time, does that count? [Monica Geller] That counts! [Chandler Bing] Oh, good!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s04", "episode": "e24", "title": "The One With Ross's Wedding, Part 2"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One After Ross Says Rachel [Minister] Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union of Ross and Emily. Now Ross, repeat after me. I Ross... [Ross Geller] I Ross... [Minister] Take thee, Emily... [Ross Geller] Take thee, Rachel... Emily. Emily. [Minister] Uhh...Shall I go on? [Rachel Green] He-he said Rachel, right? Do you think I should go up there? [Emily Waltham] Yes, yes, do go on. [Minister] I think we'd better start again. Ross, repeat after me. I, Ross... [Ross Geller] I, Ross... [Minister] Take thee, EM-I-LY... [Ross Geller] Take thee, Emily. Like there'd be anybody else. [Minister] As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death parts us. [Ross Geller] As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death parts us. Really, I do. Emily. [Minister] May I have the rings? Emily, place this ring on Ross's finger as a symbol of your bond everlasting. Ross, place this ring in Emily's hand as a symbol of the love that encircles you forever. [Ross Geller] Happy too. [Minister] Ross and Emily have made their declarations and it gives me great pleasure to declare them husband and wife. [Ross Geller] Yay! [Minister] You may kiss the bride. [Judy Geller] This is worse than when he married the lesbian. [Emily Waltham] Just keep smiling. [Ross Geller] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, that went well. Yeah. [Chandler Bing] It could've been worse, he could've shot her. [Ross Geller] That uh, that was pretty funny. Wasn't it? --------------------------------------- [Emily Waltham] You've spoiled everything! It's like a nightmare! My friends and family are out there! How can I face them?! How can you do this to me?! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, no matter what happens with Ross and Emily, we still get cake right? [Ross Geller] That-that-that's all right, no honey, you take your time sweetie. I'll be right out here. She's just fixing her makeup. [Emily Waltham] I hate you!! [Ross Geller] And, I love you!! [Jack Geller] Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh Ross? [Ross Geller] That's true, thanks dad. People should be dancing! Huh? Hey, this is a party! Come on! Joey, dance!! [Andrea Waltham] Yes, Waltham interiors. [Phoebe Buffay] Uh, hello, this is Ross Geller's personal physician, Dr. Philange. [Andrea Waltham] Who? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I've discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine, uh, now without it, uh, in the brain of Ross, uh women's names are interchangeable, through-through no fault of his own. [Andrea Waltham] Oh my God, Phoebe. [Phoebe Buffay] No, not Phoebe, Dr. Philange. Oh no! You have it too! [Phoebe Buffay] Hello? [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Monica Geller] Hey. [Chandler Bing] Oh wow, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but, I know we had plans to meet up tonight and, ugh, I'm just kinda worried about what it might do to our friendship. [Monica Geller] I know. How could we have let this happen? [Chandler Bing] Seven times! [Monica Geller] Ugh! Well, y'know, we were away... [Chandler Bing] In a foreign, romantic country... [Monica Geller] I blame London. [Chandler Bing] Bad London! [Monica Geller] So look umm, while we're st-still in London, I mean, we can keep doing it right? [Chandler Bing] Well, I don't see that we have a choice. But, when we're back home, we don't do it. [Monica Geller] Only here. [Chandler Bing] Y'know, I saw a wine cellar downstairs... [Monica Geller] I'll meet you there in two minutes. [Chandler Bing] Okay! [Rachel Green] Mon, honey, I gotta ask you something. [Monica Geller] Now? [Rachel Green] Ross said my name up there, I mean, come on, I just can't pretend that didn't happen can I? [Monica Geller] Oh, I-I don't know. [Rachel Green] Monica, what should I do? [Monica Geller] Just uh, do the right thing. [Rachel Green] What? [Monica Geller] Toe the line. Thread the needle. Think outside the box! [Rachel Green] Whoa, wait, listen, I think I'm just gonna talk to Ross about what he think it meant. [Monica Geller] Wait. Rachel, no, he's married. Married! If you don't realize that, I can't help you. [Rachel Green] Okay, you're right. You're right. You can't help me. [Judy Geller] Jack, is it all our fault? Were we bad parents? [Stephen Waltham] Yes. [Jack Geller] Oh yeah, well who serves steak when there's no place to sit, I mean how are you supposed to eat this? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, what's up? [Monica Geller] Where were you? We were supposed to meet in the wine cellar? [Chandler Bing] Forget it, that's off. [Monica Geller] Why?! [Stephen Waltham] The next tour of the wine cellar will plan in two in-in minutes... [Monica Geller] Joey, what are you doing? You promised Phoebe you wouldn't eat meat until she has the babies! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I figured we're in another country, so it doesn't count. [Monica Geller] That's true. [Chandler Bing] The man's got a point. [Rachel Green] Oh, hi! [Ross Geller] Hi! [Rachel Green] Hi. Sorry, things aren't working out so well. [Ross Geller] Oh no! It could be better, but it's gonna be okay, right? [Rachel Green] Oh yeah! Of course, I mean, she's gonna get over this, y'know? I mean, so you said my name! Y'know you just said it 'cause you saw me there, if you'd have seen a circus freak, you would've said, "I take thee circus freak." Y'know, it didn't mean anything, it's just a mistake. It didn't mean anything. Right? [Ross Geller] No! No! Of course it didn't mean anything! I mean, uh well, I can understand why Emily would think it meant something, y'know, because-because it was you... [Rachel Green] Right... [Ross Geller] But it absolutely didn't. It didn't!! It didn't!! [Joey Tribbiani] Ross, hey, the band's ready outside for your first dance with Emily, so... [Ross Geller] Oh! Oh-oh, the band's ready! Well, I-I-we gotta do what the band says-I don't care about the stupid band!! [Joey Tribbiani] You spit on me man! [Ross Geller] Look, I'm sorry. [Joey Tribbiani] Emily is kinda taking a long time, huh? [Rachel Green] Y'know when I locked myself in the bathroom at my wedding, it was because I was trying to pop the window out of the frame. [Ross Geller] Oh, right! [Rachel Green] Get the hell out of there, y'know? [Ross Geller] Emily? Emily? I'm coming in. [Rachel Green] Well, look at that, same thing. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Listen, in the middle of everything if I scream the word, "Yippee!" just ignore me. [Monica Geller] Oh my God, Rachel! Hi! [Chandler Bing] Oh, hello Rachel. [Rachel Green] Ross said my name. Okay? My name. Ross said my name up there that obviously means that he still loves me! Okay, don't believe me, I know I'm right-do you guys want to go downstairs and get a drink? [Chandler Bing] Yes, we do. But, we have to change first. [Monica Geller] Yes, I want to change. And why-why don't you go down and get us a table? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, we'll be down in like five minutes. [Monica Geller] Fifteen minutes. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Rachel Green] Hello? Oh, Pheebs! It's Phoebe! [Chandler Bing] Oh, yay... [Monica Geller] Great... [Rachel Green] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Hi, so what happened? [Rachel Green] Well, Ross said my name. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I know, but I don't think that means anything. [Rachel Green] Okay, Pheebs, y'know what, let's look at this objectively all right? Ninth grade, right? The obsession starts. All right? The summer after ninth grade he sees me in a two-piece for the first time, his obsession begins to grow. So then... [Chandler Bing] Hey, listen, why don't we go change in my room? [Monica Geller] But my clothes are-ohh! [Chandler Bing] Wow, you look... [Monica Geller] No time for that! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, dude, let me in. I got a girl out here! [Chandler Bing] Well, I've got a girl in here. [Joey Tribbiani] No you don't, I just saw you go in there with Monica! [Chandler Bing] Well, we're-we're hanging out in here! [Joey Tribbiani] Look, which one of us is gonna be having sex in there, me or you? [Chandler Bing] Well, I suppose I'd have to say you!! But, what if we're watching a movie in here? [Monica Geller] Which we are, and-and we already paid for it. It's My Giant! [Joey Tribbiani] My Giant? I love that movie! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] You really think this is okay? [Chandler Bing] Well, Ross and Emily aren't gonna use it. [Monica Geller] Oh, it's so beautiful. Ohh! Y'know, I-I don't know if I feel right about this. [Chandler Bing] Oh Mon-Mon-Mon-Mon-look, this is the honeymoon suite. The room expects sex. The room would be disappointed if it didn't get sex. All of the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser. [Monica Geller] Okay! [Chandler Bing] Okay! [Ross Geller] Emily?! [Chandler Bing] Nope, not under here! [Monica Geller] You didn't find her? [Ross Geller] No, I've looked everywhere! [Chandler Bing] Well, you couldn't have looked everywhere or else you would've found her! [Monica Geller] Yeah, I think you should keep looking! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, for about 30 minutes. [Monica Geller] Or 45. [Chandler Bing] Wow, in 45 minutes you can find her twice. [Ross Geller] No! For all I know, she's trying to find me but couldn't because I kept moving around. No, from now on, I'm staying in one place. Right here. [Monica Geller] Well, it's getting late. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, we're gonna go. [Ross Geller] Actually, do you guys mind staying here for a while? [Monica Geller] Ugh, y'know, umm we gotta get up early and catch that plane for New York. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, it's a very large plane. [Ross Geller] That's cool. [Chandler Bing] But, we'll stay here with you. [Ross Geller] Thanks guys! I really appreciate this, y'know, but you don't have to rub my butt. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] We have to leave for New York in an hour. [Monica Geller] I know, I've been looking at those doors, they look pretty sound proof, don't you think? [Chandler Bing] We can't do that that's insane. I mean 'A' he could wake up and 'B' y'know, let's go for it. [Ross Geller] Em-Emily? Em-Emily? Emily! [Stephen Waltham] No. [Andrea Waltham] You can forget about Emily, she's not with us. [Stephen Waltham] We've come for her things. [Ross Geller] Wait, well wh-wh-wh-where is she? [Stephen Waltham] She's in hiding. She's utterly humiliated. She doesn't want to see you ever again. [Andrea Waltham] We're very sad that it didn't work out between you and Emily, monkey. But, I think you're absolutely delicious. [Stephen Waltham] Excuse me, I'm standing right here! [Andrea Waltham] Oh yes, there you are. [Rachel Green] Hey-hey, you guys oh hurry up, get some, there's a whole cart outside... [Stephen Waltham] Goodbye Geller. [Ross Geller] Now, hold on! Hold on! Look, look, your daughter and I are supposed to leave tonight for our honeymoon, now-now you-you tell her that I'm gonna be at that airport and I hope that she'll be there too! Oh yeah, I said Rachel's name, but it didn't mean anything, Okay? She's-she's just a friend and that's all! That's all! Now just tell Emily that I love her and that I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. Please, promise me that you'll tell her that. [Stephen Waltham] All right, I'll tell her. Come on bugger face! [Andrea Waltham] Call me. [Stephen Waltham] You spend half your life in the bathroom, why don't you ever go out the bloody window! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Y'know, maybe it's best that we never got to do it again. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, it kinda makes that-that one night special. Y'know, technically we still are over international waters. [Monica Geller] I'm gonna go to the bathroom, maybe I'll see you there in a bit? [Chandler Bing] 'Kay! [Joey Tribbiani] Can I ask you something? [Chandler Bing] Uhh, no. [Joey Tribbiani] Felicity and I, we're watching My Giant, and I was thinking, "I'm never gonna be as good an actor as that giant." Do you think I'm just wasting my life with this acting thing? [Chandler Bing] No. [Joey Tribbiani] I mean, the giant is like five years younger than me, y'know, you think I'll ever get there? [Chandler Bing] Yes. [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks man. [Chandler Bing] Okay man. [Joey Tribbiani] But what about how much taller he is than me? [Joey Tribbiani] I mean, there's no way I can make myself taller now, y'know? And who knows what science will come up with in the future, but Chandler, what if I die an unsuccessful, regular sized man? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, Monica, wow you've been in the bathroom for like a half-hour. [Monica Geller] I know! [Joey Tribbiani] Had the beef-tips, huh? --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] You ate meat! You had sex! [Chandler Bing] No we didn't! [Phoebe Buffay] I know you didn't, I was talking about Monica. [Monica Geller] Phoebe, I did not have sex. [Phoebe Buffay] This pregnancy is throwing me all off. [Joey Tribbiani] All right, I'm gonna go say hi the chick and the duck. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, me too! [Joey Tribbiani] Why would you need to say hi to them, you've been feeding them for four days? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh right, maybe I'll just go home. [Monica Geller] Well, we certainly are alone. [Chandler Bing] Yes! Good thing we have that, 'Not in New York' rule. [Monica Geller] Right. Umm, listen since we're-we-re on that subject, umm, I just wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Ross's mother... [Chandler Bing] Right. [Monica Geller] Well, an-anyway, I just-that night meant a lot to me, I guess I'm just trying to say thanks. [Chandler Bing] Oh. Y'know, that night meant a lot to me too, and it wasn't because I was in a bad place or anything, it just meant a lot to me 'cause, you're really hot! Is that okay? [Monica Geller] That's okay. [Chandler Bing] And I'm cute too. [Monica Geller] And you're cute too. [Chandler Bing] Thank you! All right, I gotta go unpack. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Chandler Bing] Bye. [Chandler Bing] I'm still on London time, does that count? [Monica Geller] That counts! [Chandler Bing] Oh, good! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Rach! Rach! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Ross Geller] Hi! What are you, what are you doing here? [Rachel Green] Well, I-I-I've been on Standby for a flight home for hours. [Ross Geller] Oh. [Rachel Green] Ohh, so no sign of Emily huh? [Ross Geller] Not yet. [Rachel Green] So umm, what time are you supposed to leave? [Gate Agent] This is the last call for Flight 1066 to Athens. The last call. [Ross Geller] Pretty soon I guess. [Rachel Green] Yeah. I'm sorry. [Ross Geller] I just, I don't understand, I mean, how-how can she do this? Y'know, what, am I, am I like a complete idiot for thinking that she'd actually show up? [Rachel Green] No, you're not an idiot, Ross. You're a guy very much in love. [Ross Geller] Same difference. [Gate Agent] All ticketed passengers for Flight 1066 to Athens should now be on board. [Ross Geller] I get it! Well, that's that. [Rachel Green] No, you know what, I think you should go. [Ross Geller] What? [Rachel Green] Yeah, I do. I think you should go, by yourself, get some distance, clear your head, I think it'd be really good. [Ross Geller] Oh, I don't, I don't, I don't know... [Rachel Green] Oh, come on Ross! I think it would be really good for you! [Ross Geller] I could, yeah, I can do that. [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Ross Geller] I can't, I can't even believe her! No, y'know what, I am, I am gonna go! [Rachel Green] Good! [Ross Geller] I know, why not? [Rachel Green] Right! [Ross Geller] Right? [Rachel Green] Right! [Ross Geller] Y'know-thanks! [Rachel Green] Okay, I'll see you back at home, if I ever get a flight out of here. [Ross Geller] Yeah, well...nah. [Rachel Green] What? Wait, what? [Ross Geller] Why don't you come, I mean, I-I have two tickets, why not? [Rachel Green] Well-well, I don't know Ross-really? [Ross Geller] Yeah, yeah, it'll be great! You can, you can lay on the beach and I can cry over my failed marriage. See-see how I make jokes? [Rachel Green] Uh-huh. [Ross Geller] No really, I mean, I mean, God, I could use a friend. [Rachel Green] Oh wow, uh okay, uh maybe. Umm, yes, I can do that! [Ross Geller] Okay! [Rachel Green] Okay! [Ross Geller] Cool! [Rachel Green] All right! [Ross Geller] Come on! Here. [Rachel Green] Oh, okay, we're going. Yeah. [Ross Geller] Ah! Ah! I forgot my jacket! [Rachel Green] Oh, wait-wait-wait... [Ross Geller] You tell them to wait! [Rachel Green] Okay. Wait! Wait! [Ross Geller] Emily. [Ross Geller] Oh no-no-no! Oh-no! No! No! Emily! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ahh, yes, I will have a glass of the Merlot and uh, he will have a white wine spritzer. Woo! Hey, look at that, the airport's moving. Hey, are we moving?! Are we moving? Why are we moving? Hey, time-out, umm, yeah, does the captain know that we're moving? Oh my God. Oh, my gosh.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e01", "title": "The One After Ross Says Rachel"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With All The Kissing [Monica Geller] You look cute in bubbles. [Chandler Bing] Ehh, you're just liquored up. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in! [Chandler Bing] I've had a very long, hard day. [Joey Tribbiani] Ahh, I'm gonna go get some chicken. Want some? [Chandler Bing] Ahh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] You sure? Some extra crispy? Dirty rice? Beans? [Chandler Bing] For the last time no! Get out! Get out, Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] All right! [Chandler Bing] Are you okay? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me about chicken. [Monica Geller] Chicken? I could eat some chicken. [Chandler Bing] Hey Joe! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke-(Yelps in --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey, Pheebs! [Joey Tribbiani] Mornin' Pheebs! [Phoebe Buffay] I have to tell you this story. Okay, I was coming over here and this driver... [Joey Tribbiani] Was his name Angus? [Phoebe Buffay] What? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, he was this cab driver we had in London. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. Ha-ha-ha. All right, anyway... [Monica Geller] Wait, what that place, that pub he took us too? [Chandler Bing] Uh, The Wheatsheaf. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah-yeah-yeah, and they had that beer! That uh... [Monica Geller] Bodington's! [#ALL#] Bodington's! Woohoo! [Chandler Bing] Ooh! Ahh, Pheebs, was gonna tell a story. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, so, he had a really funny hat-I don't want to talk about it. [Ross Geller] Hey! [#ALL#] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, Ross, Bodington's! [Ross Geller] Yeah! [Joey Tribbiani] That was good beer. [Ross Geller] Ohh... [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know, I'd walk back to London for another frosty one of those bad boys. [Ross Geller] Y'know, I think they have those at that British pub near the trade center. [Joey Tribbiani] Later! [Ross Geller] Isn't Rachel supposed to be back by now? [Monica Geller] Yeah, but her plane got delayed in Athens. But actually, she should be here by now. [Ross Geller] Oh, so-so you talked to her. Did she, did she sound mad? [Monica Geller] No, but she likes me. You abandoned her on a plane to Greece. [Ross Geller] Okay, I did not abandon Rachel! Okay? Emily showed up at the airport! I had to go after her! I mean, I-I did what I had to do! She's my wife! Rachel is my wife! Y'know-Emily! Emily, is my wife! Man, what is that? [Phoebe Buffay] So you still hadn't heard from Emily? [Ross Geller] No, not since I lost her at the airport. [Chandler Bing] I can't believe she can out run you man! [Ross Geller] HEY, SHE'S FAST!! OKAY?!! Oh! You-you think you can be beat me? Let's go! Outside!! [Rachel Green] Hi! [#ALL#] Hey! [Ross Geller] Rach, Rach, I am so sorry. I am so-so sorry. [Rachel Green] Oh Ross, come on! You just did what you had to do. [Ross Geller] That's it? You're not mad? I mean, it must've been terrible. [Rachel Green] Terrible? Hell, I was in Greece! That was a nice hotel! Nice beach, met the nice people. Not to shabby for Rachel. [Ross Geller] So, what? That's it? [Rachel Green] Well, yeah! We're cool. Totally cool. [Ross Geller] Oh, thanks. Oh, you're the best. [Rachel Green] Oh no, you're the best. [Ross Geller] Ohh, I gotta go to the flower store! Check it out, no one will tell me where Emily is, so I'm gonna send 72 long-stem, red roses to Emily's parent's house, one for each day that I've known and loved her. That oughta get her talking to me again. [Chandler Bing] Oh, Ross, when you make out card; be sure to make it out to, EM-I-LY. [Monica Geller] Rach, that's great! It's so good that you had a good time in Greece! [Rachel Green] What?! I didn't have a good time in Greece! Ross abandoned me! Okay, I couldn't get a plane out, so I had to stay in their honeymoon suite with people coming up to me all the time going, "Oh, Mrs. Geller, why are you crying?" I mean, it was sooo humiliating. I felt like such an idiot! I mean, it's all my fault! And you know why, because I make very bad decisions. [Chandler Bing] Oh that's not true. [Rachel Green] Yes it is! It is true! I went, I went after Ross in stupid London. [Phoebe Buffay] London is stupid! Stupid! [Rachel Green] Phoebe, you were right. I should've never gone to London, and from now on you make all of my decisions for me. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh... No, I did that for someone once and I'm not comfortable having that kind of power and control over someone's life. [Monica Geller] I'll do it! [Rachel Green] That's fine. So Monica, you are now in control of my love life. [Chandler Bing] Okay, I gotta go to work. [Chandler Bing] And uh, Rachel, glad to have you back. [Chandler Bing] Pheebs! Always a pleasure. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Oh, Rachel, sweetie, look, here's a really cute picture of Joey and you at the reception. [Rachel Green] Ohh, he's married! Ross is married. I can't-I still can't believe it. [Monica Geller] Honey, sweetie, by the edges. [Rachel Green] I mean, y'know I'm just gonna have to accept it ... [Monica Geller] Ohh. [Rachel Green] ...I mean it's my fault. [Monica Geller] Sweetie! Edges! Fingers! Smudgey! Pictures! [Rachel Green] Oh my God! [Monica Geller] Okay. That's okay. I-I know that you're very upset right now. I know, I know that wasn't about me. [Joey Tribbiani] I bet it was about her a little. [Monica Geller] If you would stop thinking about Ross for one minute you would notice that there are great guys everywhere! I mean, look! Look, Gunther! I mean, he's nice, he's cute. [Rachel Green] Yeah, I guess Gunther is kinda... [Monica Geller] Oh, what about that guy over there? Remember? That is the guy you flirted with at the counter that time. [Rachel Green] Oh, I don't know. I don't know. [Monica Geller] You're going to talk to him! Y'know what? We made a deal, I make your decisions and I say you're going to talk to him. [Rachel Green] All right, you're the boss. I guess I gotta do what you tell me. [Joey Tribbiani] Say that to him and you're golden. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, Pheebs! [Monica Geller] We got out pictures back from London. Here's all of us at the Tower of London. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Here we all are! Yeah, there's Ross and Joey and you and me. [Chandler Bing] All right, y'know what, we've been talking about London too much haven't we? [Phoebe Buffay] No. I'm sorry. It's just 'cause I couldn't be there. 'Cause all I ever get to do now is pregnant stuff, it just bums me out. [#ALL#] Sorry. [Monica Geller] What happened? [Rachel Green] Well, y'know, a little of this, a little of that. Got myself a date tomorrow night. [Monica Geller] See, didn't I tell you?! You're getting over Ross already! [Rachel Green] Well... [Gunther] Get out! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] What took you so long? [Chandler Bing] I got caught up and work, but I'm quitting tomorrow. [Monica Geller] Oh, good. [Chandler Bing] So, thanks for having me over! Rach. Pheebs. [Joey Tribbiani] See ya!! What the hell was that?! [Monica Geller] Probably some y'know, European good-bye thing he picked up in London. [Rachel Green] That's not European! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, it felt French. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh God, I really had a good time! [Dave] Yeah, me too. So, I guess this is it. [Rachel Green] Yeah. Umm, unless you wanna come inside? [Dave] Yeah! [Rachel Green] Okay. Oh, uh, wait a minute, y'know what? I uh, I can't decide this. Umm, okay, just hold on a second. [Dave] Okay, yeah! [Rachel Green] Umm, hi! [Ross Geller] Hi. [Rachel Green] Is Monica around? I-I have to ask her something. [Ross Geller] She's doing her laundry. [Rachel Green] What's that? [Ross Geller] It came in the mail today, it's uh, 72 long-stemmed red roses, one for each day that I've known and loved Emily, cut up into mulch! [Rachel Green] Oh, honey that's awful. [Ross Geller] Oh, it's not so bad. Monica's gonna make potpourri! I think I'm gonna go wander out in the rain for a while. [Rachel Green] But, it's not raining. [Ross Geller] I can't catch a break! [Rachel Green] Y'know what Ross? You're not going anywhere. You're gonna sit right here. I'm gonna make you a cup of tea and we're gonna talk this thing whole out. All right? Hey, Dave! [Dave] Yeah? [Rachel Green] Umm, listen, I'm gonna need to take a rain check, my roommate is just really sick. Okay? Bye! Honey, listen, I know, I know things seem so bad right now. [Monica Geller] Rach? Can I talk to for just a minute? I-I dropped some socks. [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Monica Geller] What is the matter with you?! Do you want to fall into the trap? Do you want to fall into the trap?! [Rachel Green] Ohh! You did not drop any socks! [Monica Geller] I just ran into Dave and he told me that you blew him off! I mean, you listen to me! Now, I'm calling the shots! I say you leave Ross alone and go get Dave! What the hell were you trying to do? [Rachel Green] Well, ultimately, I was trying y'know, I-I wanted...tell him y'know, that I'm still in love with him. [Monica Geller] What?!! You cannot tell him that!! [Rachel Green] Why? Why not?! People love to hear that! [Monica Geller] I make the decisions, and I say no. [Rachel Green] Well, y'know what, no, you do not make my decisions because y'know what, you're fired. [Monica Geller] You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired!" Ha! [Rachel Green] Well... [Monica Geller] Rachel!! Come on! Let me in! [Joey Tribbiani] Havin' some trouble? [Monica Geller] Rachel locked the door. [Joey Tribbiani] I'll kick that door in if you give me a little sugar. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Rachel! Let me in! Rachel! [Monica Geller] Thank you. Rachel, can I talk to you outside for a sec? [Rachel Green] No. [Monica Geller] I really need to talk to you. [Rachel Green] Well, then talk! [Monica Geller] Okay, I will. Remember that thing that we just discussed that you wanted to do? [Rachel Green] Yes! [Ross Geller] What thing? [Monica Geller] Well, Rachel wants to take swing dance lessons. Which I think is a really stupid idea! It's dangerous, she's never gonna get what she wants, and who knows who she might end up hurting. [Ross Geller] Monica's right, swing dancing can be tricky. I'm gonna use the phone. I gotta cancel those five giant teddy bears I sent to Emily. My God, think of the massacre. [Rachel Green] I'm gonna do it. [Monica Geller] All right, Rachel, I know-I know you think I'm crazy, please, before you tell him you love him, just-just try to find one person who thinks this is a good idea. Because I bet you, you can't. [Rachel Green] But I... [Monica Geller] Please! [Rachel Green] All right, fine. [Monica Geller] Joey, I'm in! [Joey Tribbiani] All right. Good deal. --------------------------------------- [#ALL#] Pheebs! Hey Pheebs! [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, okay, Pheebs? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? [Joey Tribbiani] Umm, y'know how the other day you were talking about how you didn't get to go to London and how you were kinda feeling left out? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? [Joey Tribbiani] All right, well, we felt really bad about that so we decided we should all take a little trip together! [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, that's so nice! How great! Well, where? Where's the trip?! [Monica Geller] Well, we thought we would all go to a picnic , in Central Park! [Phoebe Buffay] Central... Park! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, all of us! All day! [Phoebe Buffay] That sucks! That's not a trip! I just came from the park! What are we gonna high five about at the stupid Central Park? "Well, it's right by my house, all right!" [Chandler Bing] Well, I'm gonna go home and bask in the triumph of my Central Park idea. [Rachel Green] Hey-whoa-whoa-whoa!! Ho-ho-hold on a sec there, Mr. Kissey! Y'know, I've been meaning to talk to you about this whole, little, new European thing you got going on, and I just need to tell you that it makes me very uncomfortable and I just-y'know-stop it! [Chandler Bing] I was just trying to bring a little culture to the group. [Phoebe Buffay] That's fine, just don't bring it in my mouth. [Monica Geller] Makes me wanna puke! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey everybody, Pheebs is here! [Joey Tribbiani] Phoebe! [Chandler Bing] Hey, Pheebs! [Rachel Green] Phoebe, woo! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, woo! Hi. [Chandler Bing] Okay, Pheebs, we decided the picnic idea was a little... Y'know, it didn't have any... It-it, well it blew. So, we thought, that this afternoon that we would all go away for the whole weekend to, Atlantic City! [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, Atlantic City! Oh, that's a great plan! Who's plan was that? [Joey Tribbiani] Mine! [Ross Geller] Wait! It was my plan. [Joey Tribbiani] Nooo, I said we needed a new plan. [Ross Geller] And, I came up with Atlantic City. [Joey Tribbiani] Which, is the new plan! [Monica Geller] Okay, well, why don't we all meet upstairs in an hour? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay! Ooh-ahh, I'm gonna go pack. I'm gonna go pack my ass off! [Monica Geller] Come on Rach, let's go. [Rachel Green] Yeah, y'know what? I'm-I'm gonna meet you upstairs in a minute. [Monica Geller] No! Rachel, you didn't find anyone so you can't tell him. [Rachel Green] Well, y'know what, that doesn't matter. [Monica Geller] Okay, Rachel, do you have any idea how painful it is to tell someone that you love them and not have them say it back? [Rachel Green] Yeah, I-I don't care. [Monica Geller] Okay. I-I can't watch. [Rachel Green] What 'cha readin'? [Ross Geller] The paper. [Rachel Green] Yeah, what's it about? [Ross Geller] Events from around the globe. [Rachel Green] Okay. Uhh, Ross, y'know what, there's something that I-that I have to talk to you about and everybody's saying that I shouldn't tell you, but I think they're wrong. I mean, and you know how people can be wrong. [Ross Geller] Sure. Once, at work I-I thought carbon dating was fossilized... [Rachel Green] Okay, Ross, I'm really trying to tell you something here. [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Ross Geller] Go ahead. [Rachel Green] Umm, okay, I think I'm-I'm just gonna-just gonna say it. Just gonna say it. Uhh, I'm still in love with you Ross. [Ross Geller] Wow. Umm... Huh... I'm-I'm not sure what to do with that right now. [Ross Geller] What? What? Was that a joke? 'Cause it's mean. [Rachel Green] I'm so dead serious. I'm totally serious. [Ross Geller] Why are you laughing? [Rachel Green] Because , because, I just heard it. I heard it, and it's ridiculous! I mean, you're married. You're-you're married and it's just ridiculous, and it's like, it's like when said it, I sort of like, I floated up out of my body, y'know? And, and-and then I heard myself say it and then the floating Rachel was like, "You are such an idiot!" [Ross Geller] Well, well I am married. Even though I haven't spoken to my wife since the wedding. [Rachel Green] I'm sorry, that's not funny. [Ross Geller] Actually, it kinda is. My wife won't return my calls. I don't know where my wife is. "Hey Ross, where's the Mrs.?" Don't know! [Rachel Green] Oh God, ohh, okay, y'know what, do you think ah, do you think that you just forget that I told you this? [Ross Geller] Well, I kinda half to. I mean, because the thing is... [Rachel Green] The thing is y'know, that you're married to Emily. [Ross Geller] That is what the thing is. [Rachel Green] Ross, things aren't gonna be weird between us, right? I mean was that just the stupidest thing, me telling you that? [Ross Geller] No. No. No, I'm-I'm glad you did. Look, if nothing else, it's-it's always great when someone tells you they love you. [Rachel Green] That's what I said! Thank you for being so nice. [Ross Geller] No thank you for... Thank you. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Okay, let's go! [Chandler Bing] Atlantic City! [Phoebe Buffay] Atlantic City, baby! Let's roll some bones! Hey Joey, high-five for rolling bones! [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, Pheebs, you're leaking? [Monica Geller] Oh my God! You're water broke! [The Guys] Ohh! [Phoebe Buffay] All right. Well, don't worry, I call shotgun! [#ALL#] Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait-wait! [Chandler Bing] Pheebs! We have to take you to the hospital now! [Ross Geller] Pheebs, Pheebs, the babies are coming now. [Rachel Green] High-five, the babies are coming! [Phoebe Buffay] Wait, wait, remember when my water broke? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I can't believe Phoebe's gonna have her babies! [Chandler Bing] I know, it's beautiful. Amazing. [Chandler Bing] Y'know what else I can't believe? I had to kiss Phoebe and Rachel every time I left a room, I mean it's too bad they didn't see us having sex. [Monica Geller] Do you know anything about women? [Chandler Bing] No. [Monica Geller] That's all right. [Chandler Bing] Okay.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e02", "title": "The One With All The Kissing"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Triplets [Phoebe Buffay] Hi. [Nurse] Hi. [Phoebe Buffay] Hi, yeah, hi! I'm umm, Phoebe Buffay, and I have babies coming out of me. [Nurse] Okay. Have you started having contractions? [Phoebe Buffay] Not yet. Umm, I heard they really hurt, do they hurt? [Nurse] Well... [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! [Ross Geller] It's all right. [Nurse] Now, which of you is the father? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no, none of them are the father. The father is my brother. [Nurse] Okay... [Rachel Green] I am so gonna miss watching you freak people out like that! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, uh Pheebs, quick. Look! This is for the babies to look at someday, so is-is there anything you want to say? Y'know before it all starts? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, okay, umm, hi kids! Um, it's me, Aunt Phoebe. I can't wait to see you. Please don't hurt me! [Ross Geller] Hey, what took you guys so long? Your cab left when ours did! [Monica Geller] Well, we-we had to go back because I forget my jacket. [Chandler Bing] That's right. [Rachel Green] You-you're not wearing a jacket. [Monica Geller] Oh man! I did it again! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, so umm, somebody has to call Frank and Alice. And then my mom wants to know--Joey, what are you doing?! [Joey Tribbiani] I gotta get the before shot! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi, Pheebs? Okay, so just spoke to the nurse and the reason that your doctor is late is because uh, she's not coming. [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Ross Geller] Apparently she fell in the shower and hit her head. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God, she's so stupid! [Ross Geller] Look, Pheebs-Pheebs, it's gonna be okay. [Phoebe Buffay] That's easy for you to say, I don't see three kids coming out your vagina! [Rachel Green] Honey, listen, y'know what? The nurse said the doctor is wonderful. [Ross Geller] Yeah, he's head of the department. [Phoebe Buffay] All right-Ooh! Oh dead God, save me! [Monica Geller] What? [Phoebe Buffay] I'm having my first contraction! [Chandler Bing] Oh no. [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, it's not bad. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh! And so the miracle of life begins, and aaiiyyyeeee! [Chandler Bing] Hey! You okay? [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh, something hurts! [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, it's sympathy pains. Ohh, that's so sweet! [Joey Tribbiani] Are they? I didn't know I cared that much. [Ross Geller] Hello. [Dr. Harad] Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie. [Chandler Bing] Did he just say, he loves Fonzie? [Monica Geller] That's what it sounded like. [Chandler Bing] All right... [Frank Buffay Jr.] Hey! [#ALL#] Hey! [Frank Buffay Jr.] Hey! Am I late? Am I late? Nobody came out yet, right? [Phoebe Buffay] No-no-no! We haven't started yet. Where's Alice? [Frank Buffay Jr.] Uh, Delaware. She's on her way though, so until she gets here, I'm gonna be your coach. But don't worry, she told me all about the la-Mazada stuff. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, that's when if you get the babies out by the end of the month, they give you 2% financing. [Frank Buffay Jr.] Yeah. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Monica? You gonna be very proud of me. I just got us dates with two unbelievably cute nurses. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my! [Rachel Green] They're male nurses. [Joey Tribbiani] Not in my head. [Rachel Green] Anyway, they want to take us out Saturday night! What do you say? [Monica Geller] Umm. Umm. Umm. I don't think so. [Rachel Green] What? What are you talking about?! You-you're the one who's been telling me to get over Ross and move on. I'm moving on, and you're moving on with me. Come on, give me one good reason why you don't wanna go. [Monica Geller] Umm, why don't you give me something that would be a good reason and-and then I'll tell you if it's true. [Rachel Green] What? [Monica Geller] Harder than it sounds. Isn't it? [Rachel Green] Okay, you're coming with me, and I also told them that if we're still here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some Jell-O with them. [Joey Tribbiani] Yep! There's always room for Jell-O... [Rachel Green] Joey, how do you make that dirty? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, Grandma's chicken salad... --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Ross! Get a shot of this. Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies... Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, okay, I'm having another one! This one doesn't hurt either-Ooh, yes it does! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Oh, I was kinda hoping that was it. [Ross Geller] Hey, where are Monica and Rachel anyway? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them. [Chandler Bing] Really? Male nurses? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I was bummed too. [Chandler Bing] So they're going on dates? When? [Joey Tribbiani] I think Saturday-. [Frank Buffay Jr.] What's with him? [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, sympathy pains. I thought it was really sweet at first, but now I think he's just trying to steal my thunder. [Dr. Harad] Okay! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. [Dr. Harad] Let's see what we got here. Ohh, y'know, Fonzie dated triplets. [Chandler Bing] This-this Fonzie person you keep referring too, is that uh, is that another doctor? [Dr. Harad] Oh no-no-no. Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzerelli. The Fonz. [Chandler Bing] All right. [Frank Buffay Jr.] It's not that weird, is it? [Phoebe Buffay] It's very weird! I don't want some guy down there telling me, I'm y'know, dilatedamundo! [Ross Geller] To be fair, he doesn't seem to be impersonating Fonzie... [Phoebe Buffay] What are you doing?!! Why are you defending him?! Just get me another doctor! One who is not crazy and who is not Fonzie! [Ross Geller] Again, it's not that he... --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Oh-hey-hey-hey! There you are! [Monica Geller] Umm, listen there's something I think you should know. [Chandler Bing] Oh, is this about you-you dating the nurse? Yeah, Joey already told me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, y'know, we're nothing, we're goofin' around. [Monica Geller] Umm, actually I was about to tell you that I was, I was going to get out of it, but hey, if we're just goofing around then uh, maybe I will go out with him. [Chandler Bing] Fine! Maybe I will too! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, you guys! Look what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. Get up! Get up! Get up! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Okay, Phoebe, this Dr. Oberman. He has no strong feelings about Fonzie or any of the Happy Days gang. [Phoebe Buffay] Hi! And you're going into what grade? [Dr. Oberman] Umm, I'm actually a first year resident, but I get that a lot, you see, I-I graduated early... [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh, me too. Ross, maybe I should've specified that I'd be needing a grown up doctor. [Dr. Oberman] Oh no, I'm fully qualified to... [Phoebe Buffay] Shh! Doogie, shh! Doesn't anybody understand that I'm gonna be having babies soon? Huh? Go! Go little boy, go! [Frank Buffay Jr.] Oh cool! You made him cry! --------------------------------------- [Joey's Doctor] Mr. Tribbiani, I'm afraid you've got kidney stones. [Joey Tribbiani] Umm, well, what else could it be? [Joey's Doctor] It's kidney stones. [Joey Tribbiani] Or? [Joey's Doctor] Kidney stones! --------------------------------------- [Dr. Harad] All right, you're getting there. Oh, and y'know, these babies are very, very lucky. [Phoebe Buffay] They are. Why? [Dr. Harad] They have the honor of being born on The Fonz's half-birthday. [Phoebe Buffay] Happy birthday! [Dr. Harad] Just-just to clarify, I'm not Fonzie. [Rachel Green] Honey, y'know I just gotta tell you, I think this is such a terrific thing you're having these babies for Frank and Alice. [Phoebe Buffay] I know, it is. [Rachel Green] Yeah! [Phoebe Buffay] Can I tell you a little secret? [Rachel Green] Yeah! [Phoebe Buffay] I want to keep one. [Rachel Green] Ohh, I'm gonna be on the news! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Okay, Phoebe, honey, you gotta be kidding. I mean, you know you cannot keep one of these babies! [Phoebe Buffay] Why not?! Maybe I can, you don't know! [Rachel Green] Yes! Yes! Yes, I do! I do know! Frank and Alice are gonna want to keep all of their children! [Phoebe Buffay] Maybe not! Y'know? Seriously, three babies are a handful maybe they're y'know, looking for a chance to unload one of them. Listen, I-I hate to miss an opportunity just because I didn't ask! Y'know? [Rachel Green] Phoebe, no! This is, this is insane. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, just ask him! [Rachel Green] Me?! [Phoebe Buffay] I can't ask him! Do you have any idea how inappropriate that would be?! All I'm saying is just talk to Frank. Okay? Just, y'know, feel him out! [Rachel Green] No! Forget it! I am not gonna ask Frank to give you one of his kids!! [Phoebe Buffay] You're right. [Phoebe Buffay] Tell him it's for you. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Feeling a little better sweetie? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, maybe a little. I wish you hadn't seen me throw up. [Monica Geller] Me too. [Ross Geller] Hey! I just heard. What's up? [Joey's Doctor] Kidney stones! Now, ordinarily Mr. Tribbiani, we try to break up the stones up with shock waves, but they're to close to the bladder now. Which means we can either wait for you to pass them or else go up the urethra... [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up, up is not an option-what's a urethra? Are you crazy?! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] So did you ask him? [Rachel Green] No, I haven't had a chance to be alone with him yet. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I'm kinda on a clock here. [Dr. Harad] Oh Fonzie. [Rachel Green] Y'know who I always liked? Mork. [Phoebe Buffay] Undo it. Undo it. Undo it. [Dr. Harad] Fonzie met Mork. Mork froze Fonzie. [Rachel Green] Yeah, but umm... Yes, but, Fonzie was already cool, so he wasn't hurt, right? [Dr. Harad] Yeah, that's right. [Monica Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hi! [Monica Geller] How are you doing? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, doctor says any minute now. [Frank Buffay Jr.] Hey, y'know, Alice is gonna be here so soon, you couldn't just like do me a favor and like, like hold them in? [Phoebe Buffay] Sorry Frank, I'm kinda in the middle of the last favor you asked me to do. [Male Nurse] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Male Nurse] Rachel. [Rachel Green] Monica, this is Dan , one of the guys that we're gonna be going out with on Saturday. Uh Dan, Monica. [Dan] Nice to meet you. [Monica Geller] Hello Dan! I'm really looking forward to Saturday night! Really, really! [Chandler Bing] So Dan, nurse not a doctor huh? Kinda girlie isn't it? [Monica Geller] Chandler! [Dan] Nah that's okay. I'm just doing this to put myself through medical school. [Chandler Bing] Oh. [Dan] And it didn't feel so girlie during the Gulf War. [Chandler Bing] Sure. And listen, thanks for doing that for us, by the way. [Monica Geller] So, why wait 'til Saturday, are you free tomorrow? [Dan] Sure! I'll get somebody to cover my shift. [Monica Geller] Oh, great! [Chandler Bing] Hey, how 'bout it? You, me, Saturday night? [Delivery Room Nurse] No. [Chandler Bing] All right. Very good. [Phoebe Buffay] Oo, this is a big one. Eww! Arghhhh!! [Joey Tribbiani] Ohh, get these things out of me! [Ross Geller] Breathe! Breathe! Breathe throw the pain. [Joey Tribbiani] I want the drugs Ross, I want the drugs! [Ross Geller] I do too! I do too! [Joey Tribbiani] Argh! [Ross Geller] Argh! [Joey Tribbiani] Argh! [Ross Geller] Argh! --------------------------------------- [Frank Buffay Jr.] Yeah, I love you. Okay, bye! Hi! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Frank Buffay Jr.] That was Alice's mom, she said she left five hours ago. She should be here by now! [Rachel Green] Oh, honey, don't worry. She's gonna make it on time. [Frank Buffay Jr.] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Yeah. So Frank, three babies. Whew, that just seems like a lot, huh? [Frank Buffay Jr.] Not to me. [Rachel Green] Yeah, fair enough. --------------------------------------- [Dr. Harad] Okay, you're at ten centimeters. Time to start having some babies. All right, I want only the father in here please. [Monica Geller] Bye Dan! [Dan] Uh, bye Monica. [Chandler Bing] Bye, momi-moo. [Dr. Harad] All right, I need a clamp, sterile towel, and channel 31. [Phoebe Buffay] What is that? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! [Dr. Harad] Oh, no-no-no, it's a good one! Fonzie plays the bongos. All right, are you ready? It's time to start pushing. [Joey's Doctor] Are you ready? It's time to try peeing. Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's almost time to try peeing. [Dr. Harad] Okay, now push! That's it push! Just concentrate on pushing! Yeah, here we go! [Dan] I see the head. [Frank Buffay Jr.] Yes, it has a head! [Dr. Harad] All right. Keep pushing! Come on! [Frank Buffay Jr.] I can't believe there's somebody coming out of you right now. There's somebody coming out of you! Is it? Is it? It's my son. [Dr. Harad] All right. Here's your first baby. [Frank Buffay Jr.] YESSSSS!!!!! We got a baby boy!! [Chandler Bing] Yes! [Frank Buffay Jr.] Frank Jr. Jr.!! [Rachel Green] Oh, how does he look? How does he look? [Frank Buffay Jr.] So gross! [Dr. Harad] Okay. You ready to push again? [Phoebe Buffay] I already had a baby. Leave me alone. [Frank Buffay Jr.] Okay, okay, come on, you can do it. You can do it! [Frank Buffay Jr.] Yeah!! Little Leslie is here! We got another one! Oh my God, I can't believe I have two-two children. How scary is that? [Frank Buffay Jr.] Come on little Chandler, it's time to be born. Come on little Chandler! Come on! [Dr. Harad] All right, he's coming. He's coming! [Frank Buffay Jr.] Hey, where's his thing? [Frank Buffay Jr.] Chandler's a girl! [Chandler Bing] Oh God, kindergarten flashback. [Frank Buffay Jr.] They musta read the sonogram wrong. 'Cause they, 'cause they thought it was a boy, but Chandler's a girl! Chandler's a girl! [Chandler Bing] Okay, keep saying it! [Alice Knight] Am I too late?! [Frank Buffay Jr.] No-no ah, everything's okay. Everybody's healthy there's 30 fingers and 30 toes. [Alice Knight] We have our babies? [Frank Buffay Jr.] Yeah. [Alice Knight] Oh, we have our babies. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God. [Ross Geller] You did it, man. [Joey's Doctor] Would you like to see them? [Joey Tribbiani] They're so small! --------------------------------------- [Dan] So, I'll call you tomorrow. [Monica Geller] Great! [Chandler Bing] So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man? [Monica Geller] Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not goof around with him. [Chandler Bing] Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary... Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this. [Monica Geller] I think you're better than you think you are. [Chandler Bing] Really? Okay, so... [Monica Geller] Know when to stop. [Chandler Bing] Y'know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're okay? [Monica Geller] Yeah. All right, I'm gonna go tell Dan that it's not gonna happen. Don't do the dance. [Chandler Bing] Right! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I think you're my favorite. [Phoebe Buffay] Which one do you have? [Monica Geller] I don't care. [Rachel Green] Hi. Hey, hi! So uh, Frank and Alice wanted me to tell you that they're still outside making phone calls. [Phoebe Buffay] But umm, I mean, did you talk to them about, y'know... [Rachel Green] Yeah, umm, no honey. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. It was a long shot. Hey, you guys can I just like have a second alone with the babies. [#ALL#] Yeah, sure yeah. Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Well, if you're gonna cry. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Phoebe, we are so proud of you! You're amazing! [Phoebe Buffay] I know. [Rachel Green] So does it really hurt as bad as they say? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. You won't be able to take it. [Chandler Bing] So uh, now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what are they gonna name her? [Phoebe Buffay] They're gonna call her Chandler. [Chandler Bing] That's kind of a masculine name, don't you think? [Phoebe Buffay] Works on you.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e03", "title": "The One With The Triplets"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS [Monica Geller] Come in. I've been waiting for you. [Rachel Green] Hi! I just wanna--Ahhh!!! Oh my God! Oh my God! [Monica Geller] Okay, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I-I-I was um, I was taking a nap. [Rachel Green] Since when do take naps in that position. Oh God Monica, tell me you were waiting for a guy! Please tell me you were waiting for a guy! [Monica Geller] Yes. Yes, I was. A guy. From work. I'm seeing a guy from work! Ha! [Rachel Green] That cute waiter guy from your restaurant, the one that looks like a non-threatening Ray Liotta? [Monica Geller] Uh-huh, that one! [Rachel Green] Y'know what, just give me a second and I'll be out of your hair. I'm just gonna grab a jacket. When I get back, I want every little detail. Maybe that's him. [Monica Geller] Okay, umm, okay, umm... It's just Joey and Ross. [Rachel Green] Why aren't you guys at the movie? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, we were! But Ross was talking so loud on his phone they threw us out! [Ross Geller] I had to talk loud because the movie was loud! [Joey Tribbiani] He's talking to London! [Monica Geller] But why?! Did he get in touch with Emily? [Joey Tribbiani] Well no, not yet. He's calling everyone on her side of the family hoping that someone will help him get in touch with her. [Ross Geller] I-I-I don't care if I said some other girl's name you prissy, old twit! [Joey Tribbiani] Ross! Way to suck up to the family. [Chandler Bing] Ha-ha-ha--enh-enh. I'm so glad you guys are all here! My office finally got wrinkle free fax paper! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Oh no-no-no-no-no-no, vomit tux! No-no, vomit tux! [Joey Tribbiani] Don't worry, I had it dry-cleaned. [Monica Geller] Vomit tux? Who vomited on-y'know what, what you up to Joe? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I'm doing this telethon thing on TV and my agent got me a job as co-host! [Monica Geller] Oh that's great! [Joey Tribbiani] A little uh, good deed for PBS and a little TV exposure, now that's the kind of math Joey likes to do! [Phoebe Buffay] Ugh, PBS! [Monica Geller] What's wrong with PBS? [Phoebe Buffay] Ugh, what's right with them? [Joey Tribbiani] Why don't you like PBS, Pheebs? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, 'cause right after my mom killed herself, I was just in this really bad place, y'know personally. So, I just thought that it'd make me feel better if I wrote to Sesame Street, 'cause they were so nice when I was a little kid! No one ever wrote back. [Chandler Bing] Well y'know a lot of those Muppets don't have thumbs. [Phoebe Buffay] All I got was a lousy key chain! And by that time I was living in a box. I didn't have keys! [Joey Tribbiani] I'm sorry Pheebs, I just, y'know, I just wanted to do a good deed. Like-like you did with the babies. [Phoebe Buffay] This isn't a good deed, you just wanted to get on TV! This is totally selfish. [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What about you, having those babies for your brother? Talk about selfish! [Phoebe Buffay] What-what are you talking about?! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, yeah, it was a really nice thing and all, but it made you feel really good right? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. So? [Joey Tribbiani] It made you feel good, so that makes it selfish. Look, there's no unselfish good deeds, sorry. [Phoebe Buffay] Yes there are! There are totally good deeds that are selfless. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, may I ask for one example? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, it's... Y'know there's-no you may not! [Joey Tribbiani] That's because all people are selfish. [Phoebe Buffay] Are you calling me selfish?! [Joey Tribbiani] Are you calling you people? Yeah, well sorry to burst that bubble, Pheebs, but selfless good deeds don't exist. Okay? And you the deal on Santa Clause right? [Phoebe Buffay] I'm gonna find a selfless good dead. I'm gonna beat you, you evil genius. [Ross Geller] Hello. [Emily Waltham] Hello, Ross? [Ross Geller] Emily? Emily! Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Emily! It's Emily everyone! Shush-shush-shhst! Hi! [Emily Waltham] Ross, I'm only ringing to say stop harassing my relatives. Good-bye! [Ross Geller] No wait! Look, wait! Okay, you can hang up, but I'm gonna keep calling! I'm gonna, I'm gonna call everyone in England if that's what it takes to get you to talk to me! [Emily Waltham] Really? About what? [Ross Geller] Look you're my wife. We're-we're married. Y'know? I-I love you. I-I really miss you. [Emily Waltham] I miss you to. Well, at least I think I do. [Ross Geller] She's talking. [#ALL#] Yay! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, Joey, when you said the deal with Santa Clause, you meant? [Joey Tribbiani] That he doesn't exist. [Phoebe Buffay] Right. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] So Chandler, have you heard about Monica's secret boyfriend? [Chandler Bing] Uhh, yeah. She uh, she uh, she uh might've mentioned him. [Rachel Green] So Mon, when are we gonna meet this new secret waiter man? [Monica Geller] Ohh, he's really shy. I-I don't think he's up to meeting everyone yet. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I don't think he's up to meeting everyone yet. [Rachel Green] I don't care! I wanna meet this guy who's the best sex she ever had! [Chandler Bing] Really?! That's what you heard? You said that? [Monica Geller] I might've said that. Why is that funny? [Chandler Bing] Because I'm very happy for him! And you, you lucky dog! [Ross Geller] Hi! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Ross Geller] Well, Emily's willing to work on the relationship. [Chandler Bing] Yes! [Monica Geller] That's great! [Ross Geller] In London! [Monica Geller] What?! [Ross Geller] She wants me to move to London. [Monica Geller] But you live here! You know that. [Rachel Green] What-what-what are you gonna do? [Ross Geller] I bet if I talk to Carol and Susan I can convince them to move to London with Ben. [Monica Geller] Yeah, I'm sure your ex-wife will be more than happy to move to another country so you can patch things up with your new wife. [Ross Geller] It could happen. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] How ya doin'? Welcome. Good to see ya! [Stage Director] This will be your phone. [Joey Tribbiani] That's great. But uh, I'm not really expecting a lot of calls. [Stage Director] No you answer it and take pledges. [Joey Tribbiani] But I'm the host! [Stage Director] No, Gary Collins is the host. You'll be answering the phones. [Joey Tribbiani] You don't seem to understand. See, I was Dr. Drake Remoray. [Stage Director] Well, here's your phone doctor. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] I cannot believe I can't find a selfless good deed! Y'know that old guy that lives next to me? Well, I snuck over there and-and raked up all the leaves on his front stoop. But he caught me and force-fed me cider and cookies. Then I felt wonderful. That old jackass! [Rachel Green] Maybe Joey's right. Maybe all good deeds are selfish. [Phoebe Buffay] I will find a selfless good deed! 'Cause I just gave birth to three children and I will not let them be raised in a world where Joey is right! [Chandler Bing] Hey, Monica? Can I ask you a cooking question? [Monica Geller] Sure! [Chandler Bing] If you're cooking on the stove, does that mean that your new secret boyfriend is better in bed than Richard? [Rachel Green] Chandler! Is he? [Monica Geller] Well, y'know I-I-I think I'm gonna respect the privacy of my new secret boyfriend. [Chandler Bing] Why?! I mean if this guy was me and it was me who had learned that it was me who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be going like this. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] All right Emily, as much as I love you, I'm sorry, I can't move to London without Ben. [Emily Waltham] I understand that would be difficult. [Ross Geller] Yeah, would you please consider moving here? I mean you were gonna move here anyway, why can't you just do that? [Emily Waltham] I don't know, it's just... [Ross Geller] Oh-oh-okay, but-but I know, that even though I've been a-a complete idiot up 'til now, I mean, I mean you-you-you have to come here. You have to come here so we can work this out. [Emily Waltham] All right. [Ross Geller] All right, did you just say all right? [Emily Waltham] I did. Now I'm the idiot. [Ross Geller] Oh, Emily that is, that is so great. It's gonna be so great! We're gonna be like-like-like two idiots in love! [Emily Waltham] Ross, there's one thing that really scares me still. [Ross Geller] Yes, tell me. [Emily Waltham] Well, you have to understand how humiliating it was for me up on that altar in front of my entire family, all my friends. [Ross Geller] I know. I am, I am so sorry. [Emily Waltham] And then after decided to forgive you, seeing you at the airport catching our plane with her. [Ross Geller] Again, very sorry. [Emily Waltham] I mean, I can't-I can't be in the same room as her! It drives me mad just thinking of you being in the same room as her! [Ross Geller] Emily, there is nothing between Rachel and me. Okay? I love you. [Emily Waltham] All right. I'll come to New York and we'll try and make this work. [Ross Geller] Oh that is so great! That's... [Emily Waltham] As long as you don't see Rachel anymore. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] So I asked Emily if she would come to New York, and she said yes. [Chandler Bing] Yes! [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh-ohh! [Monica Geller] Great! [Ross Geller] No-no-no! Only if I promise never to see Rachel again. [Phoebe Buffay] Why? [Monica Geller] What?! You can't-what did you tell her? [Ross Geller] I told her I'd have to think about it. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to make this kind of a decision? I'm actually asking you! [Chandler Bing] Well, you can't just not see Rachel anymore, she's one of your best friends. [Monica Geller] Yeah! But, he can't not exactly see Emily, I mean that's his wife. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] That's true! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, but you've known Rachel since High School and you cannot just cut her out of your life. [Chandler Bing] That's true! [Monica Geller] No, you cannot. [Ross Geller] Thanks for the help, problem solved. [Monica Geller] Hello. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Mon! [Monica Geller] Oh hey Joey! We've been watching all day, when are you gonna be on TV? [Joey Tribbiani] See, there was kind of a mix up in my agent's office, but I'm still on TV and that's good exposure. [Monica Geller] You're not on TV. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now? [Chandler Bing] Hey, there he is! There he is! [Joey Tribbiani] Hello New York! --------------------------------------- [Emeril] Now maybe you just like wanna but the whole duck in there! Who cares, y'know? Now I got the legs... [Chandler Bing] How many times have I told you guys, you never watch the cooking channel! [Monica Geller] Hi Chandler. [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Monica Geller] Uh, listen, I need that broiling pan that Joey borrowed the other day. [Chandler Bing] Oh that was yours? Uh, yeah, we used it when the duck was throwing up caterpillars. [Monica Geller] William Sonoma, fall catalog, Page 27. [Chandler Bing] Expect it in 4-6 weeks. Umm, hey, umm, Joey's gonna be at the telethon for the rest of the day, we have the whole place to ourselves. [Monica Geller] Yeah, so? [Chandler Bing] Well I just, thought maybe you'd wanna book some time with the best you'd ever had. [Monica Geller] Y'know what, champ? I think I'll pass. [Chandler Bing] Why? [Monica Geller] Why? [Chandler Bing] What's your point? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] PBS telethon. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey Joey, I just wanted to let you know that I found a selfless good deed. I just went down to the park and I let a bee sting me. [Joey Tribbiani] What?! What good is that gonna do anybody? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, it helps the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee is happy and I am definitely not. [Joey Tribbiani] Now, y'know the bee probably died after he stung ya. [Phoebe Buffay] Aw, dammit! [Stage Director] Back on in 30 seconds people! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, excuse me, would you mind switching with me? [Pbs Volunteer] Hey, no way, I'm in the shot man. [Joey Tribbiani] Come on man! You've been here all day! [Pbs Volunteer] Yeah, I-I'm taking pledges here, eh? [Stage Director] We're on in 3, 2, [Gary Collins] Welcome back to our fall telethon. Now if you've been enjoying the performance of Cirque Du Soleil, and you'd like to see more of the same kind of programming, it's very simple. All you have to do is call in your pledge and at that time tell the operator, one of our volunteers, what kind of programming you'd like to... --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Okay, that's it. I cannot make this decision! It is too difficult, so I'm just gonna leave it entirely to the gods of fate. [Monica Geller] A Magic Eight ball?! You can't be serious, you can't make this decision with a toy! [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, it's not a toy. [Ross Geller] Well, I don't know what else to do. I mean, I either keep my wife and lose one of my-my-my best friends or I keep my friend and get divorced the second time before I'm 30! So-so if anyone has-has a better suggestion, let's hear it! 'Cause I-I got nothing! All right, don't be shy, any suggestion will do. Okay then. Here we go. Magic 8 Ball, should I never see Rachel again? Ask again later. Later is not good enough. Ask again later. What the hell! This is broken! It-it is broken! [Monica Geller] All right, let me see. Will Chandler have sex tonight? Don't count on it. Seems like it works to me. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] PBS Telethon. [Phoebe Buffay] Hi Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Pheebs! [Phoebe Buffay] I would like to make a pledge. I would like to donate $200. [Joey Tribbiani] $200? Are you sure Pheebs? I mean, after what Sesame Street did to ya? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I'm still mad at them but I also now that they bring happiness to lots of kids who's moms didn't kill themselves, so by supporting them, I'm doing a good thing, but I'm not happy about it. So there, a selfless good deed. [Joey Tribbiani] And you don't a little good about donating the money? [Phoebe Buffay] No, it sucks. I was saving up to buy a hamster. [Joey Tribbiani] A hamster? What, those things are like 10 bucks. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, not the one I had my eye on. [Gary Collins] It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total! Thank you viewers! The pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers... Oh boy! And may I say one of our sharpest dressed volunteers, Mr. Joseph Tribbiani! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, look-look, Joey's on TV! Isn't that great? My pledge got Joey on TV! Oh that makes me feel-Oh no! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Look, maybe I got carried away before. But there's something you gotta know. If I'm the best, it's only because you've made me the best. [Monica Geller] Keep talking. [Chandler Bing] I mean I was nothing before you. Call the other girls and ask. Which wouldn't take long. But when I'm with you, and we're together, OH...MY...GOD. [Monica Geller] Really? [Chandler Bing] Oh-aw my God! Now, I understand if you never want to sleep with me again, but that would be wrong. We're too good! We owe it, to sex! [Monica Geller] Well, if we owe it? Oh my... When is Joey gonna be home? [Chandler Bing] Well, I was kinda hoping we could do this without him. Oh no-no-no, leave the gloves on. [Monica Geller] But, I just cleaned the bathroom. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, why don't we lose the gloves. [Monica Geller] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] All right, let's show them how it's done. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Monica Geller] Ow! [Chandler Bing] Y'know that wasn't part of it? [Monica Geller] I know! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi! Are you ready? We're gonna be late! [Ross Geller] For what? [Rachel Green] For Stella! Remember? She's gettin' her grove back in like 20 minutes. [Ross Geller] Yeah, I uh, totally forgot about that. You mind if I take a rain check? I'm waiting for a call from Emily. [Rachel Green] Sure. I guess. Hey, I hear you don't have to go to London. Yay! [Ross Geller] It's not that easy, there's still a lot of relationship stuff. [Rachel Green] Like what? [Ross Geller] Just stuff. Y'know kinda what Emily wants. [Rachel Green] Well, why don't you talk to me about it, maybe I can help. [Ross Geller] No. No. You-you can't help. I mean, I kinda have to do this without your help. [Rachel Green] Well, I-I know you can do that too. I'm just, I'm just saying if you need somebody to talk to... Hi! [Ross Geller] Thanks. [Rachel Green] Ross? Look, whatever this relationship stuff that Emily wants, just give it to her. Come on, the bottom line here is that you love her. So just fix whatever she wants fixed. Just do it. I mean, you're gonna have to try. You'll just gonna hate yourself if you don't. Oh come on answer it! It's driving me crazy! [Ross Geller] Hello. Hi sweetie. Good. Look umm, yes I've been thinking about that thing that you wanted me to do and, I can do it. So will you come to New York? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Never done that before. [Chandler Bing] Nope.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e04", "title": "The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Kips [Monica Geller] Hi! [Chandler Bing] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Monica? What time is it? [Chandler Bing] Uhh, 9. [Joey Tribbiani] But it's dark out. [Monica Geller] Well that's because you always sleep to noon, silly! This is what 9 looks like. [Joey Tribbiani] I guess I'll get washed up then. Watch that sunrise. [Monica Geller] I'm really getting tired of sneaking around. [Chandler Bing] I know, me too. Hey! Y'know what if we went away for a whole weekend? Y'know we'd have no interruptions and we could be naked the entire time. [Monica Geller] All weekend? That's a whole lotta naked. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I can say that I have a conference and you can say you have a chef thing. [Monica Geller] Ohh, I've always wanted to go to this culinary fair that they have in Jersey! [Chandler Bing] Okay, y'know your not though. Let's go. [Monica Geller] Wait! What about Joey? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey, guess what I'm doing this weekend! I'm going to this culinary fair in New Jersey. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh weird, Chandler just told us he's got a conference there! [Monica Geller] Oh now that-that-that's funny, it seems like Chandler's conference could've been in Connecticut or Vermont. [Chandler Bing] I'm not in charge of where the conference is held. Do you want people to think it's a fake conference? It's a real conference. [Ross Geller] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey. [Ross Geller] Is Rachel here? I gotta talk to her. [Monica Geller] No, she's out shopping. [Ross Geller] Damn! [Chandler Bing] What's going on? [Ross Geller] I told Emily to come. And I just need to y'know, talk to Rachel about it. [Phoebe Buffay] Wait a minute! So when Emily comes you're just, you're not gonna see Rachel anymore? [Ross Geller] Well look, I'm just trying to focus on the "I get to see my wife," part, all right? And not the part that makes me do this. [Monica Geller] Wow, so you guys are, you're never gonna be in the same room together? How is that even gonna work? [Ross Geller] I have no idea. I mean... But-but I assure you I will figure it out. [Joey Tribbiani] Doesn't seem like it's going to work, I mean... [Rachel Green] Hi, guys! [Joey Tribbiani] Hi! [Chandler Bing] Uh, hey! [Rachel Green] What's going on? [Chandler Bing] We're flipping Monica's mattress. [Joey Tribbiani] So I'm thinking, basically we pick it up and then we flip it. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah that's better than my way. [Rachel Green] Oh okay, hey guys, would you flip mine too? [Chandler Bing] Aww, man! [Rachel Green] Oh look! A letter from my mom. [Ross Geller] So, Rach, y'know-y'know how Emily's coming right? [Rachel Green] Oh yeah! I know. [Phoebe Buffay] Can you hear anything? [Chandler Bing] Oh yes, somebody just said, "Can you hear anything?" [Monica Geller] Hey, Joey's ass! What are you doing? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here. [Monica Geller] Ooh, candy bars, crossword puzzles... [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, Madlibs, mine! [Chandler Bing] Condoms? [Joey Tribbiani] You don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth. [Chandler Bing] And condoms are the way to do that? [Ross Geller] Anyway it-it kinda-it all boils down to this, the last time I talked to Emily... [Rachel Green] Oh my God! My dog died! [Ross Geller] What?! [Rachel Green] Oh my God, Le Poo, our dog! [Ross Geller] Le Poo's still alive?! [Rachel Green] Oh God, it says he was hit by an ice cream truck and dragged for nine--teen blocks. Oh. Oh my God. [Monica Geller] Sweetie, we heard you crying. Please don't cry. [Rachel Green] It's Le Poo. [Phoebe Buffay] I know it's le poo right now, but it'll get better. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] I can't believe it! We're here! [Monica Geller] Ooh, chocolates on the pillows! I love that! [Chandler Bing] Oh, you should live with Joey, Roll-os everywhere. [Monica Geller] Come here. Okay, be right back. [Chandler Bing] Oh yes! Monica, get in here! There's a high-speed car chase on! [Monica Geller] We're switching rooms. [Chandler Bing] Oh dear God, they gave us glasses! [Monica Geller] No, they gave us glasses with lipstick on them! I mean, if they didn't change the glasses, who knows what else they didn't change. Come on sweetie, I just want this weekend to be perfect, I mean we can change rooms, can't we? [Chandler Bing] Okay, but let's do it now though, because Chopper 5 just lost it's feed! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey, so uh, y'know how there's something I wanted to talk to you about? [Rachel Green] Oh yeah! [Ross Geller] Well, y'know how I'm trying to work things out with Emily. Well, there's this one thing... Okay, here goes. I made a promise that--Oh hey! [Rachel Green] What? [Ross Geller] You're nose is bleeding! [Rachel Green] Oh God. No! Oh not again! This-this happened when my grandfather died. It's ugh! Sorry. Oh, okay, so I'm sorry, what-what were you-what did you want to tell me? [Ross Geller] Umm... [Rachel Green] Sorry. Sorry. [Ross Geller] Okay, I uh, I can't see you anymore. [Rachel Green] Yeah, I know. It's ridiculous! I can't see you either. --------------------------------------- [Hotel Clerk] I think you'll find this room more to your liking. [Chandler Bing] Okay, great. [Hotel Clerk] They say he's only got half a tank left. [Chandler Bing] Half a tank? We still got a lot of high-speed chasing to do! [Monica Geller] We're switching rooms again. [Chandler Bing] What? Why? [Monica Geller] This is a garden view room, and we paid for an ocean view room. [Hotel Clerk] Our last ocean view room was unacceptable to you. [Monica Geller] Excuse me, umm, can I talk to you over here for just a second? [Chandler Bing] Uh-huh. [Monica Geller] Chandler! [Chandler Bing] Yeah. [Monica Geller] Look, these clowns are trying to take us for a ride and I'm not gonna let 'em! And we're not a couple of suckers! [Chandler Bing] I hear ya, Mugsy! But look, all these rooms are fine okay? Can you just pick one so I can watch--have a perfect, magical weekend together with you. [Monica Geller] Okay, this one I like! [Chandler Bing] Nothing! It's over! Dammit! This is regularly scheduled programming! [Monica Geller] Can we turn the TV off? Okay? Do we really want to spend the entire weekend like this? [Chandler Bing] Oh, I'm sorry, am I getting in the way of all the room switching fun? [Monica Geller] Hey, don't blame me for wigging tonight! [Chandler Bing] Oh, who should I blame? The nice bell man who had to drag out luggage to 10 different rooms? [Monica Geller] I don't know, how about the idiot who thought he could drive from Albany to Canada on a half a tank of gas! [Chandler Bing] Do not speak ill of the dead. [Monica Geller] We're supposed to uh, be spending a romantic weekend together, it-it, what is the matter with you? [Chandler Bing] I just want to watch a little television. What is the big deal? Geez, relax mom. [Monica Geller] What did you say? [Chandler Bing] I said, "Geez, relax Monnnnn." --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi! [Ross Geller] Hey. Rachel, I-I-I've been wanting to tell you something for a while now and I really, I just have to get it out. [Rachel Green] Okay, what's up? [Ross Geller] Okay, y'know how you told me I should do whatever it takes to fix my marriage? [Rachel Green] Yeah, I told you to give Emily whatever she wants. [Ross Geller] And while that was good advice, you should know that what-what she wants... [Rachel Green] Yeah? [Ross Geller] ...is for me not to see you anymore. [Rachel Green] That's crazy! You can't do that! What are you going to tell her? Oh God. Ohh, you already agreed to this, haven't you? [Ross Geller] It's awful I know, I mean, I feel terrible but I have to do this if I want my marriage to work. And I do, I have to make this marriage work. I have too. But the good thing is we can still see each other until she gets here. [Rachel Green] Ohh! Lucky me! Oh my God! That is good news, Ross! I think that's the best news I've heard since Le Poo died! [Ross Geller] You have no idea what a nightmare this has been. This is so hard. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah, really? Is it Ross? Yeah? Okay, well let me make this a just a little bit easier for you. [Ross Geller] What are you doing? [Rachel Green] Storming out! [Ross Geller] Rachel, this is your apartment. [Rachel Green] Yeah, well that's how mad I am!! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Damn Rollos! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, you're back! [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] How was your conference? [Chandler Bing] It was terrible. I fought with my colleagues y'know, the entire time. Are you kidding with this? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, so your weekend was a total bust? [Chandler Bing] Uh, no, I got to see Donald Trump waiting for an elevator. [Monica Geller] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, you're back too! [Monica Geller] Yeah. Umm, Chandler can I talk to you outside for a second? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, how was your chef thing? [Monica Geller] Oh, it was awful. I guess some people just don't appreciate really good food. [Chandler Bing] Well, maybe it was the kind of food that tasted good at first but then made everybody vomit and have diarrhea. [Monica Geller] Chandler! [Chandler Bing] Monica. [Monica Geller] Okay, I'd like to know how much the room was because I'd like to pay my half. [Chandler Bing] Okay, fine, $300. [Monica Geller] 300 dollars?! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, just think of it as $25 per room! [Monica Geller] Urghh!! [Joey Tribbiani] What are you guys woofing about? [Monica Geller] Chandler stole a twenty from my purse! [Joey Tribbiani] Nooooo!!! Y'know what? Now that I think about it, I constantly find myself without twenties and you always have lots! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] You should've seen the look on her face. I don't want Rachel to hate me! I don't know what to do. [Joey Tribbiani] You want my advice? [Ross Geller] Yes! Please! [Joey Tribbiani] You're not gonna like it. [Ross Geller] That's okay. [Joey Tribbiani] You got married to fast. [Ross Geller] That's not advice! [Joey Tribbiani] I told ya. [Ross Geller] I'm going to the bathroom. [Joey Tribbiani] Man, if anyone asked me to give up any of you, I couldn't do it. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, me either. [Monica Geller] Maybe I could do it. [Rachel Green] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Hi, Rach. [Chandler Bing] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. [Monica Geller] Hey. [Rachel Green] Look, I know you guys heard about the whole thing with me and Ross but y'know, I've been obsessing about it all day and I'd just love not to talk about it. All right? [Joey Tribbiani] I-I-I don't know if this falls under this category, but uh, Ross is right back there. [Rachel Green] That's not Ross! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no! Not that guy! He does look like him though. [Chandler Bing] Okay, Ross is in the bathroom. [Rachel Green] Oh my God, its happening. It's already started. I'm Kip. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, you're not Kip! [Rachel Green] Do you even know who Kip is? [Joey Tribbiani] Who cares? You're Rachel! Who's Kip? [Chandler Bing] Kip, my old roommate, y'know we all used to hang out together. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, that poor bastard. [Rachel Green] See? Yeah, you told me the story. He and Monica dated when they broke up they couldn't even be in the same room together and you all promised that you would stay his friend and what happened? He got phased out! [Monica Geller] You're not gonna be phased out! [Rachel Green] Well, of course I am! It's not gonna happen to Ross! He's your brother. He's your old college roommate. Ugh, it was just a matter of time before someone had to leave the group. I just always assumed Phoebe would be the one to go. [Phoebe Buffay] Ehh!! [Rachel Green] Honey, come on! You live far away! You're not related. You lift right out. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, Mr. Bing. That uh, hotel you stayed at called. Said someone left an eyelash curler in your room. [Chandler Bing] Yes that was mine. [Joey Tribbiani] 'Cause I figured you'd hooked up with some girl and she'd left it there. [Chandler Bing] Yes that would have made more sense. [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know, I-I don't even feel like I know you anymore man! All right, look, I'm just gonna ask you this one time. And whatever you say, I'll believe ya. Were you, or were you not on a gay cruise?! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Phoebe? I'm sorry about the whole lifting out thing. You gotta come with me! [Phoebe Buffay] Come where? [Rachel Green] Wherever I go. Come on you and me, we'll-we'll start a new group, we're the best ones. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, but try and get Joey too. [Ross Geller] Pheebs, you mind if I speak to Rachel alone for a sec? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, sure! Bye Ross! Forever. [Ross Geller] Hi. [Rachel Green] Hi. What are you doing here? Isn't this against the rules? [Ross Geller] I talked to Monica, look, I'm the one who made the choice. I'm the one who's making things change, so I should be the one to y'know, step back. [Rachel Green] Oh, Ross... [Ross Geller] No, no, it's okay. Really. They're plenty of people who just see their sisters at Thanksgiving and just see their college roommates at reunions and just see Joey at Burger King. So is, is that better? [Rachel Green] No, it's not better. I still don't get to see you. [Ross Geller] Well, what-what would you do? Rach, if you were me, what-what would you do? [Rachel Green] Well, for starters I would've said the right name at my wedding! [Ross Geller] I can't believe this is happening. [Rachel Green] I know. [Ross Geller] I am so sorry. [Rachel Green] I know that too. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, Rach? Sorry to interrupt but umm, Phoebe wanted me to talk to you about a trip or something. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hi. [Chandler Bing] I just came over to drop off...nothing. So that weekend kinda sucked, huh? [Monica Geller] Yeah, it did. [Chandler Bing] So, I guess this is over. [Monica Geller] What? [Chandler Bing] Well, y'know, you and me, it had to end sometime. [Monica Geller] Why, exactly? [Chandler Bing] Because of the weekend, we had a fight. [Monica Geller] Chandler that's crazy! If you give up every time you'd have a fight with someone you'd never be with anyone longer than-Ohhh! [Chandler Bing] So, this isn't over? [Monica Geller] You are so cute! No. No, it was a fight. You deal with it and move on! It's nothing to freak out about. [Chandler Bing] Really? Okay. Great! [Monica Geller] Ohh, welcome to an adult relationship! [Chandler Bing] We're in a relationship? [Monica Geller] I'm afraid so. [Chandler Bing] Okay. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh hey, Monica, I heard you saw Donald Trump at your convention. [Monica Geller] Yeah, I saw him waiting for an elevator. [Monica Geller] Hey, Rach, can I borrow your eyelash curler, I think I lost mine. [Rachel Green] Yeah, it's in there. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh! Ohh! Oh!! [Chandler Bing] Joey, can I talk to you for a second? [Joey Tribbiani] Oohh!! Ohh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh-oh!! [Joey Tribbiani] Ohhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! [Chandler Bing] Yes. Yes. [Joey Tribbiani] You?! And-and you?! [Monica Geller] Yes, but you cannot tell anyone! No one knows! [Joey Tribbiani] How?! When?! [Chandler Bing] It happened in London. [Joey Tribbiani] IN LONDON!!! [Chandler Bing] The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it. [Joey Tribbiani] But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone! [Chandler Bing] No-no-no-no-no! You can't! [Monica Geller] Please? Please?! We just don't want to deal with telling everyone, okay? Just promise you won't tell. [Joey Tribbiani] All right! Man, this is unbelievable! I mean, it's great, but... [Monica Geller] I know, it's great! [Joey Tribbiani] Aww, I don't want to see that! [Phoebe Buffay] We're so stupid! Do you know what's going on in there? They're trying to take Joey! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] The most popular Phoebe in tennis is called the overhand Phoebe. And if you win, you must slap your opponent on the Phoebe and say, "Hi, Phoebe!" [Monica Geller] Oh that's cute! We really all enjoyed it. But y'know, it doesn't count. [Phoebe Buffay] Count for what? [Monica Geller] Count in our heads as-as good Madlibs. [Joey Tribbiani] I guess I'm done. [Chandler Bing] Fun's over! [Monica Geller] Wait-wait, guys! If-if we follow the rules, it's still fun and it means something! [Rachel Green] Uh-huh! [Joey Tribbiani] I think I'm gonna take-off. [Monica Geller] Guys, rules are good! Rules help control the fun! Ohhh!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e05", "title": "The One With The Kips"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Yeti [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!! None of that, not while you're living under my roof! [Monica Geller] What?! [Joey Tribbiani] Look, just because I know about you two, doesn't mean I like looking at it. [Chandler Bing] Aren't you supposed to be at an audition for another hour? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman! And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition! Okay, look, if I have to pretend I don't know about you two, then you two are gonna have to pretend there's nothing to know about. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] Sorry. [Chandler Bing] Sorry. [Joey Tribbiani] I can hear that! [Monica Geller] Rachel's at work. [Joey Tribbiani] I can still hear you! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hello! [Monica Geller] Hey, what's that? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, my mom sent me a family heirloom that once belonged to my grandmother. Can you believe it?! A year ago I didn't even have a family, and now I have heirlooms for crying out loud. [Phoebe Buffay] Eeeee--ohh!! God! [Joey Tribbiani] Argh-argh!! Ooh, soft. Is this mink? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! Why would my mother send me a fur? Doesn't she know me but at all! Plus, I have a perfectly fine coat that no innocent animal suffered to make! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, just some 9-year-old Filipino kids who worked their fingers bloody for 12 cents an hour. That didn't happen, I made that up! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Gunther] Oh, Ross? Ross! You can't put up flyers in here. [Ross Geller] How come? Everybody else does. [Gunther] You can't. [Monica Geller] What is that? [Ross Geller] Oh, umm, I'm just getting rid of a couple of things. [Monica Geller] This is all of your things. [Ross Geller] Yes, yes it is! No, but it's good it's-Emily thinks we should get all new stuff. Stuff that's just ours, together. Y'know brand new. [Monica Geller] So basically, this is a getting-rid-of-everything-Rachel-ever-used sale. [Ross Geller] Touched. Used. Sat on. Sleep on. [Gunther] I'll take it all. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, Ross, you're okay with that? [Ross Geller] Look, if I can just do what Emily wants and get her to New York, I'm sure everything will be fine. [Chandler Bing] Okay, but don't you think this is a little extreme? [Ross Geller] After what I did? Can you blame her? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! You got off easy! When my friend Silvie's husband said someone else's name in bed, she cursed him and turned his thingy green. [Joey Tribbiani] What is he doing? What, Emily, thinks Ross's furniture has got Rachel coodies? [Monica Geller] Now calm down Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] No! Everything's gettin' all messed up, y'know? Emily won't let Ross see Rachel, we're not gonna stop seeing Rachel, hence Ross stops seeing us! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I hate this. Everything's changing. [Chandler Bing] Yeah I know, we're losing Ross, Joey said hence... [Monica Geller] Look, I'm not happy about this either, but y'know if-if Ross says he's happy then we're just gonna have to keep our feelings about Emily to ourselves. Are you cool with that? [Joey Tribbiani] No! But y'know, I'm an actor, I'll act cool. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ohh, whoa God! Storage rooms give me the creeps! Monica, come on please hurry up honey! Please? [Monica Geller] Rachel, if you want the little round waffles, you gotta have to wait until I find the little waffle iron. [Rachel Green] I want the little round waffles. [Monica Geller] All right. Op, here it is! Right underneath the can of-of bug bomb. I wonder if the best place to put something that cooks food is underneath the can of poison? [Rachel Green] Okay, y'know what? I'll-I'll have toast! [Rachel Green] Arghhhh!!!!!! [Monica Geller] Oh my God! Fog him! Fog him! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] I don't know what I'm gonna do about this coat. [Joey Tribbiani] I'll take it! [Phoebe Buffay] That might work! [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah! Enh? All right, what do you think? [Chandler Bing] You're on in 5 Ms. Minnelli. [Ross Geller] No-no-no, it's just a bit sudden. No, it's great. Okay? I'm totally on board. I love you too, all righty. Bye. [Joey Tribbiani] What's the matter Ross? [Ross Geller] Nothing. Oh, actually, great news! I just got off the phone with Emily and it looks like I'm moving to a new apartment. Woo-hoo! [Phoebe Buffay] Why? [Ross Geller] Well, her thought is, and I agree, fresh new furniture, why not a fresh new apartment? Her cousin has this great place to sublet, it's got a view of the river on one side and Columbia on the other. [Joey Tribbiani] That's way uptown! That's like three trains away! Which is great! I love to ride that rail! [Chandler Bing] So you're really okay with this? [Ross Geller] Yes! Yes! I mean it's-it's kinda far from work, but uh, y'know, I'll get so much done on the commute. I-I've been given the gift of time! [Chandler Bing] Now that's so funny, because last Christmas I got the gift of space. We should get them together and make a continuum. [Joey Tribbiani] Now he's movin'? Man, what is Emily doing to him? Ow!! He's not even here!!! [Rachel Green] You guys! You guys! [Monica Geller] We were, we were just in the storage area and we saw this really creepy man! [Rachel Green] It was like this crazy-eyed, hairy beast man! He was like a, like a bigfoot or a yeti or something! [Monica Geller] And he came at us with an axe, so Rachel had to use a bug bomb on him! [Rachel Green] Yeah, I-I-I just pulled the tab and I just fogged his yeti ass! [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh, like dark hair, bushy beard? [Rachel Green] Yeah! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, you fogged Danny. [Rachel Green] Please! We did not fog Danny! Who's Danny? [Joey Tribbiani] Dan just moved in downstairs. Yeah, he just got back from like this four-month trek in the Andes. Nice fella. [Monica Geller] Oh he's nice. He's nice! Y'know, you always stick up for the people we fog! --------------------------------------- [Danny] Yeah? [Rachel Green] Hi! You might not remember us, but we are the girls that fogged you. [Monica Geller] We're-we're really sorry we fogged you. [Danny] Okay. [Rachel Green] Hi! Just so you know, we-we didn't mean to fog you, we thought you were like a yeti or something. [Danny] Okay. [Danny] Yesss? [Rachel Green] Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I don't think we can accept your acceptance of our apology, it just doesn't really seem like you mean it. [Monica Geller] Yeah. [Danny] O-kay! [Monica Geller] Wow! That guy is so rude! [Rachel Green] Really! What is with that guy? I mean you'd forgive me if I fogged you. [Monica Geller] Well you did a little bit. [Rachel Green] Oh my God, honey, I'm so sorry! [Monica Geller] I totally forgive you! [Rachel Green] Really? [Monica Geller] Yes! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] So listen, you know my friend Chris who owns the crematorium? [Monica Geller] Crematorium Chris? Sure! [Phoebe Buffay] He says, that he would cremate my fur coat for free if I umm, y'know, bring in the next person I know who dies. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Oh my God, look at these pelts! [Monica Geller] Don't get too attached, she's having it cremated. [Rachel Green] What? Uhh, Phoebe, honey, honey, I know you're quirky and I get a big kick out of it, we all do actually, but if you destroy a coat like this that is like a crime against nature! Not nature, fashion! [Phoebe Buffay] This is fashion?! Okay, so to you, death is fashion?! That's really funny. Here's Phoebe umm, sporting uh, y'know, cutting edge hairy carcass from y'know, the steal traps of wintry Russia. I mean, you really thing this looks good? 'Cause I do. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] I know I miss you too. I can't wait to see you. I love you. Bye. [Chandler Bing] Okay, what is in here? Rocks? [Ross Geller] No-no, this is my collection of fossil samples. [Chandler Bing] So, rocks. [Ross Geller] I'm really gonna miss this apartment. Y'know, Ben-Ben took his first steps right over there. [Joey Tribbiani] Ohh. Hey, remember when I ran into this thing and it kinda knocked me out a little? [Ross Geller] I loved this place! To tell you the truth, I wish I didn't have to move. [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh, are you saying that you're not entirely happy about this? [Ross Geller] Well, I mean if uh, if Emily gave me a choice... [Joey Tribbiani] You do have a choice!! Ross, why are you listening to her?! Are you, are you crazy?! [Ross Geller] Why? [Joey Tribbiani] It's not right what Emily wants you to do! She is totally--Owww!! Stop pinching me! Look, now you guys said I only had to keep my mouth shut as long as Ross was happy, right? Well he just told me that he's not entirely happy. [Ross Geller] What's going on? [Joey Tribbiani] We all hate Emily! [Phoebe Buffay] Nooo!! [Monica Geller] No, Ross, we do not hate Emily. We-we just, we just think that you're having to sacrifice a whole lot to make her happy. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! [Chandler Bing] Look, we just think that maybe she's being a little unreasonable. [Joey Tribbiani] Yes! Yes! Unreasonable! [Ross Geller] Unreasonable? How about we have this conversation when one of you guys gets married! You have no idea what it takes to make a marriage work! All right, it's about compromise! Do you always like it? No! Do you do it? Yes! Because it's not all laughing, happy, candy in the sky, drinking coffee at Central Perk all the time! It's real life, okay? It's what grown-ups do! [Phoebe Buffay] I think he's right. You guys hang out at the coffeehouse way too much. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] God, I feel so guilty about Ross. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I know. [Joey Tribbiani] I kinda feel like it's my fault. [Chandler Bing] Kind of? If you just kept this to yourself none of this would've happened. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I'm keeping so many things to myself these days, something was bound to slip out! [Chandler Bing] Well, I think it's very brave what you said. [Phoebe Buffay] All right, I can't sit here anymore. I have to walk places. [Chandler Bing] Pheebs, what are you doing with the coat? How about the whole animal rights thing? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I've been reading up and for your information, minks are not very nice. Okay, I admit it! I love this coat! Okay, I-it's the best thing I've ever had wrapped around me, including Phil Huntley! Remember Phil Huntley? He was fine! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi! [Danny] So you like the short hair better. [Rachel Green] What? Yeti-I mean Danny? [Danny] I had to cut my hair to get rid of the uh, fogger smell. [Rachel Green] Oh. Listen, I'm so sorry. I would, I would've never fogged you if y'know if you hadn't looked so.... Y'know. [Danny] Absolutely. Some people are just into appearances. [Rachel Green] What? [Danny] That's cool. Cool. [Rachel Green] What? Hey! No-no-no! This not cool! You don't even know me! [Danny] Come on, you got the shopping bags and the Sack's catalog. [Rachel Green] So from that you think you've got me all figured out? Well, you don't! Y'know I-I could have toys for underprivileged kids in here! [Danny] Do you? [Rachel Green] Well, y'know, if-if kids like to play with Capri pants. [Danny] Okay. [Rachel Green] And stop saying that! I hate that! [Danny] Okay! [Rachel Green] Fine! I judged you. I made a snap judgement. But you did it too! And you are worse because you are sticking to your stupid snap judgement! You can't even open up your mind for a second to see if you're wrong! What does that say about you? [Danny] The pizza-place across the street any good? [Rachel Green] What?! [Danny] I'm hungry. Wanna get some pizza? You can keep yelling if there's more. [Rachel Green] Okay. Okay. [Danny] Stop saying that. I hate that. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Uh, Ross? [Phoebe Buffay] Are you still mad at us? [Ross Geller] Yep. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh good! Because we have an "I'm sorry" song. [Ross Geller] Y'know what? I'm really not in the mood. [Joey Tribbiani] Look, Ross, I feel really bad. I mean, you're going through all this stuff and I just acted like a jerk. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, we are so sorry. [Phoebe Buffay] You're kinda stepping on the song. [Joey Tribbiani] Look, we were way out of line, we totally support you. [Monica Geller] Whatever you decide, whatever you do. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, now you're just taking lines right out of the song! [Ross Geller] Look, this is hard enough! I really need you guys right now. [Phoebe Buffay] Yes! Exactly! And that's why... [Monica Geller] Why don't you come over tonight? And I'll make you favorite dinner. [Ross Geller] Okay. Thanks you guys. Pheebs are you wearing fur? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, let's get some perspective people; it's not like I'm wearing a seeing-eye dog coat! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, y'know Ross, I think I kinda understand why I kinda lost it today. [Ross Geller] You do, huh? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah you see umm, well, I'm an actor. Right? So I gotta keep my emotions right at the surface y'know? See what I'm saying? I gotta lot of balls in the air. Y'know what I mean? It's tough! Guys like me, y'know, you wander around, you're alone... [Ross Geller] What are you talking about? [Joey Tribbiani] I'm not sure. [Rachel Green] Hi! [Monica Geller] Hey, look at you! Where have you been? [Rachel Green] Oh, I went to have pizza. With Danny. [Monica Geller] How did that happen? [Rachel Green] That yeti is one smooth talker. [Monica Geller] I hope you're not full, 'cause dinner's almost ready. [Rachel Green] Yeah, y'know I-I think I'm just gonna hang out in my room. [#ALL#] No! Why? [Rachel Green] Come on you guys! Listen, if Emily knew I was here having dinner you with you she would flip out and you know it. It's okay, I really... I don't mind. [Ross Geller] Wait! Wait! Wait! Y'know what? Just stay. Please? It uh... It would really mean a lot to me if you stayed. [Rachel Green] Ross, I... [Joey Tribbiani] RACHEL PLEASE!!! JUST HAVE DINNER WITH US!!! [Rachel Green] Okay. Okay. Joey, it's okay. Settle down. [Joey Tribbiani] All right, I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You see Rach I'm an actor... [Ross Geller] Hey! Hey, look! Ugly Naked Guy's back! [Rachel Green] I haven't seen him in so long! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh God, I really missed that fat bastard! [Monica Geller] Wow, this is so weird. I just realized this might be the last time we'll all be hanging out together. [Joey Tribbiani] It's almost as if he knew. [Monica Geller] I'll get it. Hello. Hi Emily! Yeah, uh you-you tracked him down. Hold on one second. [Ross Geller] Hey! Yeah-yeah, we're just having dinner. Uh, yeah, sure uh hold on. She wants to say hi. Hold on. [Phoebe Buffay] Hi Emily! [Chandler Bing] Hi! [Emily Waltham] Hello everyone. So who am I saying hello too? [Joey Tribbiani] Well uh, I don't know about who's here, but I can tell you for damn sure who's not here and that's Rachel!! [Emily Waltham] Well, I should hope not. Ross knows better than that by now. [Ross Geller] Y'know what? Uh, Rachel is here! [Emily Waltham] She's there?! [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah, there-there she is! [Ross Geller] Yeah, yeah, she's here. [Emily Waltham] Ross, take me off speakerphone. [Ross Geller] Hi. [Emily Waltham] How can you do this too me?! I thought I'd made my feelings about Rachel perfectly clear! [Ross Geller] Look Emily, I'm just having dinner with my friends, okay? [Emily Waltham] You obviously can't keep away from her. [Ross Geller] Emily that's ridiculous. Look, I'm-I'm moving for you, I'm cutting friends out of my life for you. Please, just get on the plane and come to New York. Okay, you'll see you're the only person I want to be with. [Emily Waltham] I'll feel better when I'm there, and I can know where you are all the time. [Ross Geller] Well, you can't know where I am all the time. Look, this marriage is never gonna work if you don't trust me. [Emily Waltham] You're right. [Ross Geller] So, can you trust me? [Emily Waltham] No. [Joey Tribbiani] I think it's going okay. Looks like he's smiling. [Monica Geller] How can you tell? You can only see the back of his head! [Joey Tribbiani] You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. Smile! [Ross Geller] Well, I guess that's it. [#ALL#] Why, what happened? [Joey Tribbiani] What happened? What happened? [Ross Geller] My marriage is over. [#ALL#] What?! [Monica Geller] Oh, sweetie. Oh, look at you. You're shivering. [Phoebe Buffay] Here. [Rachel Green] Ross, honey, is there anything we can do? [Ross Geller] Yeah. You can help me get my furniture back from Gunther. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, stop tormenting me! This mink! Okay, they're mean! And they hate squirrels! And y'know, okay, most of these probably wanted to be coats! All right, fine, now I get it. Here. You take it. Are you happy now? I'm cold!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e06", "title": "The One With The Yeti"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Ross Moves In [Chandler Bing] Are you looking at naked tribe's women? [Joey Tribbiani] No, look. [Chandler Bing] That's a pig. [Joey Tribbiani] I know, I know, but look at the knobs on her. [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Ross Geller] Emily's cousin kicked me out! [Chandler Bing] What?! [Joey Tribbiani] Why? [Ross Geller] Well, when you're subletting an apartment from your wife's cousin and then you get a divorce, sometimes the cousin suddenly wants his apartment back. [Chandler Bing] How can he do that? Didn't you sign a lease? [Ross Geller] Who needs a lease when it's family! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, you can stay with us! We'll take care of ya! [Chandler Bing] Oh, yeah! Absolutely! Anything you need man! But you have to promise me the second you are feeling better so that we can make fun of your hair! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Ross Geller] You got it. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Ross Geller] Thanks you guys, I really appreciate this. All right, I'm gonna get packing again. Man, I've been moving around so much I'm beginning to feel like a nomad. [Ross Geller] What? [Chandler Bing] He thought you said gonad. --------------------------------------- [Health Inspector] Wow, Monica, if every restaurant is as clean as yours, I'd have a tough time making a living. [Monica Geller] Oh, Larry. [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, do health inspectors work on commission? [Larry] No, bribes. [Phoebe Buffay] It's okay to laugh right? [Larry] Yeah, I was just kidding. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Larry] I'll check the kitchen floors. [Monica Geller] Okay, knock yourself out, Larry. [Phoebe Buffay] Yum-my! [Monica Geller] Larry? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah! I'd let him check out my kitchen floors. [Larry] A 98. I deducted 2 points because you are not wearing your chef's hat, and that is a Section 5 violation. [Monica Geller] Uh, look, Larry honey, umm, I wrote the book on Section 5 and I know that you don't have to wear your hat unless you're in the kitchen. [Larry] And where is your hat? [Monica Geller] It's in the kitchen, I'll go get it. [Larry] Ahh that's the 2 points. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, you should really read that book you wrote. Wow! You saw the hat in the kitchen and knew that she'd have to go in there hatless to get it. You can have your own health inspector detective show! [Larry] Oh, I don't know about that. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, but then I can be you sidekick Vunda. [Larry] Maybe uh, Vunda could give me her number and I can ask her to dinner sometime. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, she would love that! Y'know, 'cause you know all the clean places to eat. [Larry] I-I'll call ya. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] He's so funny! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Thanks. [Rachel Green] Thank you. Mon? [Monica Geller] Hmm? [Rachel Green] How's Ross doing? Y'know since all the Emily stuff. [Monica Geller] He's not great umm, but he's dealing with it. Oh wait a minute, you're not gonna try... [Rachel Green] Oh, honey, please, no, I can't get started with all that Ross stuff again. I mean, he's gonna screwed up for a looong time. And besides y'know, I don't, I don't go for guys right after they get divorced. [Monica Geller] Right, you only go for them 5 minutes before they get married. [Danny] Two pounds of Moca Java please. [Monica Geller] Danny. Are you guys ever gonna go out again? [Rachel Green] I don't know! He hasn't called me since that one time when we went out. I see him in the hallway, we flirt, I'm all ha-ha-ha-ha, and nothing. [Danny] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hi Danny! Wow! Thirsty huh? [Danny] Uh, actually, actually, I'm having a party at my place on Saturday, it's sort of a house warming kind of thing. [Monica Geller] Ohh, fun! [Rachel Green] Ohh, great! [Danny] Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Danny] Okay, see ya. [Monica Geller] Well, I guess we won't be warming his house. [Rachel Green] Okay. All right, I see what he's doing! He's not asking me out, because he wants me to ask him out. [Monica Geller] And you're not gonna do that. [Rachel Green] That's right! 'Cause that would give him the control! So now he's all ooh, coming up with this whole I've got a party thing y'know, trying to get me to hint around for an invitation. Blew up in his face, didn't it? [Monica Geller] So-so there is no party. [Rachel Green] No, there's a party. There's a party. But the power, that is still up for grabs. You follow me? [Monica Geller] I think so. Se, he-he's not inviting you to his party because he likes you. [Rachel Green] Exactly. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Ross? [Ross Geller] Hey roomies! [Chandler Bing] Love what you've done with the place. [Ross Geller] Oh, yeah I know, I know, it's a lot of boxes, but again I really appreciate you guys letting me stay here. [Joey Tribbiani] Not a problem. And listen, hey! Since you're gonna be here for a while, why don't-I was thinking we uh, put your name on the answering machine. [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah! [Ross Geller] Oh, I uh, hope you don't mind, I kinda uh, jazzed it up a little. Check this out. We will, we will, call you back! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, all right! [Ross Geller] Pretty cool, huh? [Joey Tribbiani] You're fake laughing too, right? [Chandler Bing] Oh, the tears are real. --------------------------------------- [Larry] You look beautiful this evening. [Phoebe Buffay] Show me the badge again. [Phoebe Buffay] Shiny. [Larry] Oh, will you mind if I wash up? Because I came straight from work and who knows where these babies have been. [Phoebe Buffay] You are just nonstop! [Larry] We're outta here! [Phoebe Buffay] Why?! [Larry] Just walking past the kitchen I saw 10 violations! I'm shutting this place down! [Phoebe Buffay] You have the power to do that? [Larry] This does. [Phoebe Buffay] Shut it down. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Chandler Bing] What are you doing? [Joey Tribbiani] Nothing. [Chandler Bing] You built a fort didn't ya? [Joey Tribbiani] Kinda. [Chandler Bing] Oh my God, the air purifier! Ross's air purifier! All I heard through 4 years of college was [Joey Tribbiani] Dude, you should've gone out once and a while. [Chandler Bing] I hate this thing! [Joey Tribbiani] Come on, Chandler, Ross is our friend. He needs us right now, so why don't you be a grown up and come and watch some TV in the fort! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh, hi Danny. [Danny] Hey guys, I just uh, wanted to invite you to the party tomorrow night. [Monica Geller] Oh, thanks! We'll try to stop by. [Rachel Green] Uh, actually, I think I'm gonna be busy. [Monica Geller] You are? [Rachel Green] Yeah! Remember I got that uh, gala. [Danny] Yeah, what's the gala for? [Rachel Green] It's a uh, regatta gala. [Danny] Really! You-you sail? [Rachel Green] No-no, but I support it. [Danny] Okay, hope I see you tomorrow night. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Danny] Take care. [Rachel Green] Okay. Walked right into that one didn't he? [Monica Geller] What one? You wanted him to invite you to the party and he did it! [Rachel Green] Yeah, but he waited until the last minute! So if I said yes, he would know I had nothing better to do than wait around for an invitation to his stupid party. I said, "No!" Which puts me right back in the driver seat. [Monica Geller] Great. So the ball is in his court? [Rachel Green] Ball? There is no ball. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Joey, please! [Joey Tribbiani] Sorry. [Joey Tribbiani] Ahhhhhhhhhh... [Chandler Bing] Hello children! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Wanna play some foosball? Please? [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] No-no, no! We have to move the table into my room, yeah! 'Cause of all the boxes. Come on! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, I have one question. What is the deal with this? [Chandler Bing] Bye-bye little puppet Joey hand? [Joey Tribbiani] No, the quiet down thing! [Chandler Bing] You mean this. [Joey Tribbiani] Um-hmm! Look, I-I-I don't know how much more of this I can take! Did you know he taped over my Baywatch tape with some show about bugs! My God! What if that had been porn? [Chandler Bing] All right look, y'know, this maybe tough but come on, this is Ross! I survived college with him! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, I guess I can hold out a little longer. Let's have a game. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Chandler Bing] No-no-no-no! [Joey Tribbiani] YES!! [Ross Geller] Uh fellas, [Chandler Bing] Okay, so he's out of here. [Joey Tribbiani] Um-hmm. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] You guys got anything to eat? I just went down to Johnos for some chicken and it was closed! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I took Larry there to eat but it was all violated. So we shut it down! [Joey Tribbiani] Pheebs, if this guy keeps closing down all of our favorite places, where are we gonna eat?! [Monica Geller] I don't know, clean places? [Joey Tribbiani] Umm, yum! [Monica Geller] It's Danny. [Rachel Green] Don't let him in! I'm supposed to be at a regatta gala. [Monica Geller] We'll be right there! Can't you just say it starts later? [Rachel Green] What? What kind of a regatta gala starts at night?! [Monica Geller] The fake kind! [Danny] Hey, hi, I need a ladle. You got a ladle? [Monica Geller] We have a ladle. [Danny] Thanks, see you at the party. [Monica Geller] Okay, great! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, guys, you know what Larry would say? He would say, "See you ladle." --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Well, I-I-I'm done with this. You want anything Ross? Sports? International? Apartment listings? [Ross Geller] I'll take sports. [Joey Tribbiani] Mine! [Ross Geller] All right. Uhh, international. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh that's mine too! I'm Italian! [Ross Geller] Well, I guess I can check out those apartment listings, even though there's never anything in here. [Chandler Bing] Not even on page 7? [Ross Geller] Oh yeah! You're-hey, you're right! Here's an affordable place, two bedroom, close to work, ooh, it's available in five weeks! [Chandler Bing] What about that circled one? [Ross Geller] Oh, I-I don't know, it's kind of expensive for a studio. [Joey Tribbiani] But it's available now! Isn't it? [Chandler Bing] Yes, it is. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, let's go look at it! [Ross Geller] Okay, let's go. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay! [Chandler Bing] There we go! [Ross Geller] Oh-oh-ooh, hey guys, I was wondering if you guys would uh, maybe chip in on some new air filters for the air purifier? I mean after all, we all are using it. [Chandler Bing] Let's go quicker. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Oh my God! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, well look at this kitchen, slash bathroom. Well that's great! Y'know so you can cook while in the tub. [Joey Tribbiani] Somebody was using his head. Hey, let's check out the rest of the place. [Ross Geller] I think this is it. I don't know, maybe we should keep looking. [Joey Tribbiani] But hey, Ross, this place is available now! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, you don't want to be stuck with us for the next five weeks. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Ross Geller] So, you-you think I should go ahead and take this place? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, it's perfect! [Ross Geller] How about you? [Chandler Bing] It's a kitchen slash bathroom. [Ross Geller] All right, I see what you guys are saying. I'll uh, I'll go downstairs and fill out an application. [Chandler Bing] We are bad people. [Joey Tribbiani] He knew we were trying to get rid of him. He knew! You think we could get a bathtub in our kitchen? --------------------------------------- [Larry] Hey, ready for dinner? [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, absolutely! [Larry] Great! How about you wanted to go the Italian place down on Bleaker Street right? [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, I love that place! So, no. [Larry] How about Mama Lisettie's? [Phoebe Buffay] Enh. Sure! [Larry] I wonder how long that milk has been setting out. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, no-no, this place is totally healthy! That-this milk is mine. I bought this today, 'cause I was thirsty for milk, y'know. Okay, let's go! [Larry] Hey, buddy! Are you familiar with Section 11-B of the Health Code that requires all refuse material out the back exit? [Gunther] But then I'd have to go all the way around the dry cleaner place. [Larry] Oh, so you're saying you'd choose convenience over health?! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, stop! Larry, okay, can't you just be Larry and not Larry the health inspector guy? Y'know I mean it was really exciting at first but now it's like, okay, so where are we gonna eat ever? [Larry] Well, I suppose I could give him a warning. [Phoebe Buffay] Thank you. Okay, go! Go! Go! Now, if after dinner you still really need to bust someone, I know a hot dog vendor who picks his nose. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Maybe, maybe we did a good thing, helping Ross get back on his feet! [Chandler Bing] Yes that was a nice place! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! [Chandler Bing] Not a lot of closet space, but he can just hang his stuff out the window in a bag! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! [Chandler Bing] What are we gonna do? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know. Maybe pizza? [Chandler Bing] About Ross! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh! Oh! [Joey Tribbiani] Hello! Oh yeah! It's the apartment manager; Ross put us down as references. Ross is the greatest guy you'll ever meet! Yeah, he's very reliable. [Chandler Bing] Of course he has this big huge dog! That uh, barks into the night. Well, who doesn't love dogs? Ah, he's a tap dancer! Yes, some would say that is a lost art. He's a pimp! There you go! Yes, he's a pimp. He's a big, tap dancing pimp! Hello? [Chandler Bing] Ohhhhh! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Shoot, shoot, this is never gonna work! He's right there! [Monica Geller] Just go over and say hi. [Rachel Green] No, I have to go downstairs and come back up as if I'm coming home from the regatta gala. Okay? So just go distract him. But don't be sexy. [Monica Geller] Hey, Danny! [Danny] Hey! What's going on? [Monica Geller] Oh, it's a great party! Great food. Y'know, most parties it's all chips and salsa, chips and salsa. So umm, what's this? [Danny] Salad. [Monica Geller] Ooooh! And-and-and what-what's this? [Danny] Bread. Aren't you a chef? [Monica Geller] Oh. [Danny] Hey! Rachel! [Rachel Green] Hey! Oh right, tonight was your party. [Danny] Oh wow, you look great! Glad you could make it. [Rachel Green] Oh well, y'know, the gala had to end sometime. [Danny] Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back. [Rachel Green] Yeah, sure. All right, whose court is the ball in now? [Monica Geller] I thought there wasn't a ball? [Rachel Green] Oh, come on! He's glad that I came, he doesn't want me to go anywhere, balls flying all over the place! [Danny] Rachel, this is my friend Tom. This is the girl I told you about. [Rachel Green] Oh, go on! You telling people about me? [Danny] You two could really hit it off! I'm gonna go mingle. [Tom] So you work at Bloomingdale's, huh? My mom calls it Bloomies. [Rachel Green] Yeah, okay, at ease solider! [Tom] I'm sorry? [Rachel Green] No, it's all right, you can just drop the act Tommy. I know what's going on here. Your Danny's wingman right? You guys are best buds. Frat bros! [Tom] I'm gonna go talk to uh, a friend. [Rachel Green] Yeah, yeah, you go talk to your friend. You tell him, "Nice try." [Rachel Green] Man! He just keeps lobbing them up and I just keep knocking them right out of the park! [Monica Geller] I think I need a drink. [Rachel Green] Yeah! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] 98. 99. 100. Okay, go! [Joey Tribbiani] Dude, I'm telling ya! I'm fine! [Chandler Bing] Here we go! Here we go! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey. So I uh, I didn't get that apartment. Some problem with my application. [Joey Tribbiani] You're kidding! [Chandler Bing] You're kidding, no! [Ross Geller] Yeah. But, the good news is that Phoebe said that I could stay at her place for a while. So... [Joey Tribbiani] But you can't stay with Phoebe, Ross! We're-we're roomies! [Ross Geller] Look, you guys don't need me here taking up your space. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, we got plenty of space! There-there's still some over there by-by that speaker. Please, just stay! [Chandler Bing] Yeah! [Ross Geller] Are you guys sure about this? [Joey Tribbiani] Definitely! [Chandler Bing] Yes! Ross, you have to stay! [Ross Geller] All right. [Joey Tribbiani] All right! [Chandler Bing] All right, buddy! [Ross Geller] So I'm a pimp huh? It's okay! Look, I know that sometimes I can be a pain in the ass, but you just have to talk to me. Tell me if something is bothering you. Okay? And for my part I will do everything I can to keep my annoying habits just . --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much? [Ross Geller] Come on, it's fun! [Chandler Bing] All right! Isn't this a woman's hat? [Joey Tribbiani] Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e07", "title": "The One Where Ross Moves In"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With All The Thanksgivings [Rachel Green] Oh Monica that was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever! I think you killed us. [Ross Geller] I couldn't possibly eat another bite. [Joey Tribbiani] I need something sweet. [Phoebe Buffay] Does anyone wanna watch TV? [#ALL#] Yeah, sure. [Phoebe Buffay] Monica your remote doesn't work. [Monica Geller] Phoebe, you have to lift it and point. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. Aw, forget it. [Rachel Green] Yeah, you know what we should all do? We should play that game where everyone says one thing that they're thankful for. [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh-ooh, I! I am thankful for this beautiful fall we've been having. [Monica Geller] That's very nice. [Chandler Bing] That's sweet, Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, the other day I was at the bus-stop and this lovely fall breeze came in out of nowhere and blew this chick's skirt right up. Oh! Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] I mean, it's not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering. I mean, it's amazing how much they can do with so little material! And the way they play with your mind! Is it there? Is it not there? [Chandler Bing] Are you aware that you're still talking? [Monica Geller] Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong? [Ross Geller] Huh, I don't know what to pick. Am I more thankful for my divorce or my eviction? Hmm. [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! See, and I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything. [Ross Geller] I'm sorry. It's just that this is the worse Thanksgiving ever. [Chandler Bing] No-no-no! I am the king of bad Thanksgivings. You can't just swoop in here with your bad marriage and take that away from me. [Rachel Green] Oh, you're not gonna tell the whole story about how your parents got divorced again are you? [Ross Geller] Oh God, no. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, come on! I wanna hear it! It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without Chandler bumming us out! [Chandler Bing] It's a tradition, like the parade. If the parade decided it was gay, moved out, and abandoned its entire family. --------------------------------------- [Nora Tyler Bing] Now Chandler dear, just because your father and I are getting a divorce it doesn't mean we don't love you. It just means he would rather sleep with the house-boy than me. [The Housekeeper] More turkey Mr. Chandler? --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] You're right. Yours is worse. You are the king of bad Thanksgivings. [Phoebe Buffay] I don't know about that. I've got one that's worse. [Chandler Bing] Really? Worse than, "More turkey Mr. Chandler?" [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler? Yes, mine's worse! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] More bandages! More bandages! Please, can I get some more bandages in here! This man is dying- Oh no. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] In this life, Phoebe. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, this life! Oh okay no, Chandler's is worse. [Joey Tribbiani] Man, it must be so cool remembering stuff like that! I don't have any past life memories. [Phoebe Buffay] Of course you don't sweetie. You're brand new. [Rachel Green] I know Monica's worst Thanksgiving. [Monica Geller] Oh, let's not tell this story. [#ALL#] Oh, come on! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no, I know! I know! It's the one where Joey got Monica's turkey stuck on his head! [Rachel Green] What?! Joey got a turkey stuck on his head?! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, it's not like it sounds. [Chandler Bing] It's exactly like it sounds. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hello? [Phoebe Buffay] Hello? [Joey Tribbiani] Phoebe? [Phoebe Buffay] Joey? What's going on? [Joey Tribbiani] Look. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! [Joey Tribbiani] I know! It's stuck!!! [Phoebe Buffay] Easy. Step. How did it get on? [Joey Tribbiani] I put it on to scare Chandler! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! Monica's gonna totally freak out! [Joey Tribbiani] Well then help me get it off! Plus, it smells really bad in here. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, of course it smells really bad. You have your head up a dead animal. [Monica Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey, did you get the turkey basted-Oh my God! Oh my God! Who is that? [Joey Tribbiani] It's Joey. [Monica Geller] What-what are you doing? Is this supposed to be funny? [Phoebe Buffay] No, it's not supposed to be funny, it's supposed to be scary. [Monica Geller] Well, get it off now! [Joey Tribbiani] I can't! It-it's stuck! [Monica Geller] Well, I don't care! That-that turkey has to feed 20 people at my parent's house and they're not gonna eat it off your head! [Phoebe Buffay] All right, hold on! Okay, let's just all think. [Monica Geller] Okay, I got it. Phoebe? All right, you pull. I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can. Joey? Now is not the time! [Joey Tribbiani] Sorry! Sorry. [Monica Geller] Okay, count to three. 1. 2. 3! [Chandler Bing] Arghhhhhh!! [Joey Tribbiani] It worked! I scared ya, I knew it! Ha-ha! [Chandler Bing] I'm over here big guy. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, you are! I scared you! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] You did look like an idiot. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot. All right? Remember when Ross tried to say, "Butternut squash?" And it came out, "Squatternut buash?" [Ross Geller] Yeah that's the same. [Monica Geller] That's it. That's my worse Thanksgiving. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh wait! That can't be the one Rachel's talking about. She didn't even know that happened. So which one was it? [#ALL#] Which one? [Monica Geller] Umm, I-I really don't want to tell this story. [Chandler Bing] Oh, come on Monica, reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about. Y'know, for me anyway. And of course, the Indians. [Monica Geller] Look umm, of all people, you do not want me to tell this story! --------------------------------------- [Judy Geller] Monica! I think Rachel's here! [Monica Geller] I'll get it! Happy Thanksgiving! [Rachel Green] Not for me. Chip and I broke up! [Monica Geller] Oh, why? Why? What happened? [Rachel Green] Well, you know that my parents are out of town and Chip was going to come over... [Monica Geller] Yeah, yeah, and you were going him y'know, your flower. [Rachel Green] Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex?! It really creeps me out when you call it that! Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his tenderness. Believe me! Hi! [Jack Geller] Hi Rachel! [Rachel Green] Happy Thanksgiving! [Judy Geller] You too sweethart! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Jack Geller] Oh my! [Ross Geller] Uh, everyone, this is Chandler! My roommate and lead singer of our band! [Monica Geller] Ross! [Ross Geller] Oh, this is Monica. [Monica Geller] Hi, I'm Ross's little sister. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Judy Geller] I'm so glad you could come Chandler, we've got plenty of food so I hope you're hungry. [Ross Geller] Oh, mom. Mom. Chandler hates Thanksgiving and doesn't eat any Thanksgiving food. [Judy Geller] Oh, well, I'm so glad you brought him here then. [Monica Geller] Umm, Chandler, if you want I can make you some macaroni and cheese for dinner. [Chandler Bing] Well, as long as the pilgrims didn't eat it, I'm in. [Monica Geller] dammit! [Ross Geller] So uh, Rach? Does it, does it feel weird around here now? Y'know since I've been away at college. [Rachel Green] Oh! No, not really. [Ross Geller] Well, that's cool. So did... [Rachel Green] Ugh! I cannot believe Chip dumped me for that slut Nancy Branson. I am never going out with him again. I don't care how much he begs! [Monica Geller] I think his begging days are over now that he's going out with Nancy Branson. [Rachel Green] Y'know what? I've just had it with high school boys! They are just silly. Silly, stupid boys! I'm going to start dating men! [Ross Geller] Umm, I'm sorry Judy, I couldn't find that bowl that you and Jack were looking for. [Monica Geller] Call them mom and dad you loser! [Ross Geller] Monica! [Monica Geller] Hey Chandler! Did you like the macaroni and cheese? [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah, it was great. You should be a chef. [Monica Geller] Okay! [Rachel Green] Guess what?! All that stuff about Nancy Branson being a slut was all a rumor so Chip dumped her and he wants to come over to my house tonight! [Monica Geller] Oh that's so great! [Rachel Green] I know! [Monica Geller] Oh gosh, listen if you and Chip do it tonight, promise me you'll tell me everything. [Rachel Green] Oh totally, totally. Y'know it's not that big of deal, we already kinda did it once y'know. [Monica Geller] I know, but y'know, this time you're gonna definitely know whether or not you did it! [Rachel Green] I know, I know. And oh, and this time Chip promised that-that this time it will last at least for an entire song! [Ross Geller] So I'm thinking about asking Rachel out tonight. Y'know maybe play her that song we wrote last week. [Chandler Bing] Emotional Knapsack? [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] Right on! Oh! Uh, but, don't take to long okay? 'Cause uh, we're gonna test out our fake ID's tonight, right Clifford Alverez. [Ross Geller] Listen, Roland Chang, if things go well, I'm gonna be out with her all night. [Chandler Bing] Dude, don't do that too me! [Ross Geller] All right, it's cool you can stay here. My parents won't mind. [Chandler Bing] No, it's not that, I just don't want to be stuck here all night with your fat sister. [Ross Geller] Hey! [Judy Geller] Monica, why don't you finish off these pies? I don't have any more room left in the fridge. [Monica Geller] No. No, thank you! [Jack Geller] Well Judy, you did it! She's finally full! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] I called you fat?! I don't even remember that! [Monica Geller] Well, I do. [Chandler Bing] I am so sorry. I really am. I was an idiot back then. I rushed the stage at a Wham concert for crying out loud! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I can't believe you called her fat. [Ross Geller] I can't believe you let George Michael slap you. [Chandler Bing] I am really sorry. That is so terrible. I am so, so sorry. [Rachel Green] Actually, y'know that's not the Thanksgiving I was talking about. [Monica Geller] Yes, it was! [Rachel Green] No, it wasn't. It was actually the... [Monica Geller] Okay, now Thanksgiving's over, let's get ready for Christmas. Who wants to go get a Christmas tree?! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, no, I have the cutest Christmas story! [Chandler Bing] We wanna hear Monica's Thanksgiving story! [Phoebe Buffay] Fine, all right, mine had a dwarf that got broke in half, but y'know whatever. --------------------------------------- [Judy Geller] So Rachel, your mom tells me you changed your major again. [Rachel Green] Oh, yeah, I had too. There was never any parking by the Psychology building. [Jack Geller] Hi Rachel. [Rachel Green] Oh hi! [Jack Geller] Wow, love your new nose! [Judy Geller] Jack. [Jack Geller] What? Dr. Wilson's an artist! He removed my mole cluster. Wanna see? [Judy Geller] I'll get it. [Rachel Green] No, God! Please, let me! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey. Happy Thanksgiving! [Jack Geller] God, your hair sure is different! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, we were just talking about that. I can't believe how stupid we used to look. [Ross Geller] So uh, where's Monica? [Judy Geller] She's upstairs. Monica! Come down! Everyone's here! Ross, Rachel, and the boy who hates Thanksgiving. [Monica Geller] Hi, Chandler. [Chandler Bing] Oh my God! [Monica Geller] What-what's the matter? Is there, is there something on my dress? [Chandler Bing] You just, you look so different! Terrific! That dress! That body! [Ross Geller] Dude! [Chandler Bing] Sorry! [Judy Geller] Yes, yes Monica is thin. It's wonderful. But what we really want to hear about is Ross's new girlfriend. [Ross Geller] Oh mom! Okay, umm, her name is Carol. And she's really pretty. And smart. And uh, she's-she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team. Can you believe it? She plays for both teams! [Monica Geller] So Chandler, I guess I'll see you at dinner. [Jack Geller] Dude! [Chandler Bing] Sorry. [Rachel Green] Oh-ho, my God! That was so awesome! You totally got him back for calling you fat! He was just drooling all over you. That must've felt so great! [Monica Geller] Well it didn't! [Rachel Green] What?! [Monica Geller] Yeah, I mean yeah, I look great. Yeah, I feel great and yeah, my heart is not in trouble anymore! Blah, blah, blah! Y'know I still don't feel like I got him back, y'know? I just want to humiliate him. I wanna, I want him to be like naked and then I'm going to point at him and laugh! [Rachel Green] Okay, that we may be able to do. [Monica Geller] How? [Rachel Green] Well guys tend to get naked before they're gonna have sex. [Monica Geller] What?! I mean, I didn't work this hard and-and-and lose all this weight so that I can give my flower to someone like him! [Rachel Green] Okay, first of all, if you keep calling it that, no one's gonna ever take it. Then, second of all you're not actually gonna have sex with him! You're just gonna make him think that you are. [Monica Geller] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Monica Geller] And when he's naked I can throw him out in the front yard and lock the door and all the neighbors will just humiliate him! [Rachel Green] Then, you will definitely get him back! [Monica Geller] Okay, so how do I make him think I wanna have sex with him? [Rachel Green] Okay, oh, here's what you do. Just act like everything around you turns you on. [Monica Geller] What do you mean? [Rachel Green] Well, like anything can be sexy. Like umm, oh-oh, like this dishtowel! Ooh, ooh, this feels sooo good against my cheek! And-and if I feel a little hot, I can just dab myself with it. Or I can bring it down to my side and bring it through my fingers while I talk to him. [Monica Geller] I can do that! [Rachel Green] Yeah? Okay! Good, good, because he's coming. He's coming. Hey, what's up? [Chandler Bing] Monica, I was wondering if you can make me some of that righteous mac and cheese like last year. [Monica Geller] Umm, I'd love too! Ooh, I love macaroni and cheese. I love-I love the way this box feels against my cheek. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] Boy, I love carrots! Oh! Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers like this and-and hold them down here while I talk to you. Umm, and-and-and y'know if I get really hot umm, I-I like to pick up this knife and-and umm, I-I put the cold steal against umm, my body. [Chandler Bing] Are you all right? [Monica Geller] Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that- --------------------------------------- [The Doctor] What do we got here? [The Paramedic] Twenty year old has got a severed toe on his right foot. [Ross Geller] Can you please not do that feet first? You know where his injury is! Severed toe, you just said it! [The Doctor] It says here that the knife went right through your shoe. [Jack Geller] Of course it did. They're made of wicker. [The Doctor] Did you bring the toe? [Monica Geller] Oh yes! I have it right here, on ice! [The Doctor] Don't worry son, we'll just attach it and- [Monica Geller] What?! What is it? [The Doctor] You brought a carrot. [Chandler Bing] What? [The Doctor] This isn't your toe, this is a small, very cold piece of carrot. [Rachel Green] You brought a carrot?! [Judy Geller] Oh my God! There's a toe in my kitchen. [Monica Geller] God, I'm sorry! I'll go back and get it! [The Doctor] It's too late, all we can do now is sow up the wound. [Chandler Bing] Without my toe?! I need my toe! [Monica Geller] Wait, no-no-no, I can go really fast! Dad, give me the keys to your Porsche! [Jack Geller] Oh, I'm not falling for that one! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] That's why I lost my toe?! Because I called you fat?! [Monica Geller] I didn't mean to cut it off. It was an accident. [Chandler Bing] That's why for an entire year people called me Sir Limps-A-Lot?! [Monica Geller] I'm sorry! It wasn't your whole toe! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, well, I miss the tip! It's the best part. It has the nail. [Monica Geller] Chandler! [Ross Geller] Sir Limps-A-Lot, I came up with that. [Joey Tribbiani] You're a dork. [Chandler Bing] I can't believe this. [Monica Geller] Chandler, I said I was sorry. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, well, sorry doesn't bring back the little piggy that cried all the way home! I hate this stupid day! And everything about it! I'll see you later. [Monica Geller] Oh wait, Chandler, come here is there anything I can do? Anything? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, just leave me alone for a while. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Oh-oh, I'm a duck! I go, "Quack, quack!" I'm happy all the time! [Chandler Bing] Nice try. [Monica Geller] Wait, wait, wait! [Chandler Bing] Look, Monica... [Monica Geller] Look! [Chandler Bing] This is not going to work. [Monica Geller] I bet this will work! [Chandler Bing] You are so great! I love you! [Monica Geller] What? [Chandler Bing] Nothing! I said, I said "You're so great" and then I just, I just stopped talking! [Monica Geller] You said you loved me! I can't believe this! [Chandler Bing] No I didn't! [Monica Geller] Yes, you did! [Chandler Bing] No I didn't! [Monica Geller] You love me! [Chandler Bing] No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Gauze! Gauze! I need to get some gauze in here! Can I please get some gauze in here! Whew! This is getting ridiculous uh!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e08", "title": "The One With All The Thanksgivings"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Ross's Sandwich [Phoebe Buffay] What am I sitting on? [Chandler Bing] Top of the world? Dock of the bay? I'm out. [Phoebe Buffay] Ew-eww!! Undies! [Rachel Green] All right! Who's are they? Who's are they? [Ross Geller] Well, they're not mine! [Chandler Bing] Well, they're Joey's! They gotta be Joey's! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, they're mine. [Chandler Bing] See? They're Joey's! J-J-J-J-J-Joey's! [Ross Geller] Why are they here? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know uhh... Well, I'm Joey. Yeah, I'm disgusting, I take my underwear off in other people's homes. [Rachel Green] Well, get 'em out of here! What's wrong with you? [Chandler Bing] Yeah! [Monica Geller] Yeah! [Rachel Green] Take 'em! Joey, you can touch them! They're your underwear. [Joey Tribbiani] Chandler? A word. [Joey Tribbiani] That's it! I'm tired of covering for you two! This has got to stop! Ahh! And tighty-whiteys! What are you, 8? [Monica Geller] Thank you Joey, thank you so much! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh hey, no, you're not welcome. Okay, look, I hate this! You guys keep embarrassing me! Yesterday, Rachel found your razor in our bathroom and I didn't know what to say, so I said it was mine and-and that I was playing a woman in a play. And one thing led to another and [Monica Geller] Wow! And around the ankles, y'know that is a tough spot. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, it was! All right, listen, I can't... [Chandler Bing] All this lying has been hard on us too. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh-oh, yeah-yeah, I bet all the sex makes it easier! [Chandler Bing] Well, yeah actually. [Monica Geller] We'll try to be more careful okay? It's just that, we don't want everyone to know because this is going really well, and maybe the reason it's going really well is because it's a secret. [Chandler Bing] I know it sounds really weird, but we're just so bad at relationships. [Monica Geller] We are! Help us! [Chandler Bing] Help! [Joey Tribbiani] All right! But, you do it with me once. [Monica Geller] Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Didn't think so. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey, Phoebe! [Chandler Bing] Hi, Pheebs! [Rachel Green] Hey, Pheebs! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, Pheebs! [Rachel Green] What are you reading? [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, Wethering Heights. I'm taking a literature class at the New School and I have to finish it for the first session tomorrow. [Chandler Bing] I didn't know you were taking a class. That is so cool. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! Well, I really liked that Lamaze class I took! Y'know and this time I thought I'd go for something, y'know a little more intellectual, with a less painful final exam. [Rachel Green] Honey that sounds like fun. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! Ooh, you should come with me! Oh yeah, then I'd have someone to sit with! [Rachel Green] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! Okay-ooh, but are you going to have time to read it? [Rachel Green] Oh, I read that in high school. [Phoebe Buffay] This is going to be so much fun! Okay-shhh, I have to finish. [Ross Geller] Hi. [Joey Tribbiani] What's wrong buddy? [Ross Geller] Someone at work ate my sandwich! [Chandler Bing] Well, what did the police say? [Ross Geller] My Thanksgiving leftover sandwich. I can't believe someone ate it! [Chandler Bing] Ross, it's just a sandwich! [Ross Geller] Just a sandwich? Look, I am 30 years old, I'm about to be divorced twice and I just got evicted! That sandwich was the only good thing going on in my life! Someone ate the only good thing going on in my life! [Monica Geller] Okay, look, I-I have enough stuff for one more sandwich, I mean I was going to eat it myself, but [Ross Geller] That-that would be incredible. Thank you so much. I-I still can't believe someone ate it!! I mean, look, I left a note and everything. [Chandler Bing] Knock-knock. Who's there? Ross Geller's lunch. Ross Geller's lunch, who? Ross Geller's lunch, please don't take me. Okay? [Joey Tribbiani] I'm surprised you didn't go home wearing your lunch. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, look you wanna hold onto your food? You gotta scare people off. I learned that living on the street. [Ross Geller] Really?! So what would you say Pheebs? Stuff like uh, "Keep your mitts off my grub?" [Chandler Bing] Say Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, this will keep them away from your stuff. [#ALL#] Whoa! Ohh!! [Monica Geller] Phoebe, you are a bad ass! [Phoebe Buffay] Someday I'll, tell you about the time I stabbed the cop. [Monica Geller] Phoebe? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, he stabbed me first!! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Sorry I'm late, but I left late. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Rachel Green] So Pheebs, what is the book about? [Phoebe Buffay] I thought you said you read it in high school. [Rachel Green] Well yeah, but then I remembered I started it and there was this pep rally and I was, I was on top of the pyramid but anyway-umm, what is this book about? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, umm, it's this tragic love story between Cathy and Heathcliff and umm, it takes place on like these really creepy mores in England. Which I think represents the wildness of Heathcliff's character. I totally get symbolism. [The Teacher] How would you characterize the theme of this book, uh let's see here , Rachel Green? [Rachel Green] Umm, well I would have to say that it's a, it's tragic love story. [The Teacher] Well, that's sort of a given, but yes. Anyone else? [Rachel Green] Oh-oh-oh, symbolism! And uh, the-the uh, wildness of the mores, which I think is-is mirrored in the wildness of Heathcliff's character. [The Teacher] Excellent! What Rachel has shrewdly observed here... [Phoebe Buffay] You completely stole my answer! [Rachel Green] Well, honey that was pretty obvious. [Phoebe Buffay] Well how would you know?! You didn't even read it! [The Teacher] What do you think? You in the blue shirt. [Phoebe Buffay] I think that uh, yours is a question with many answers. [The Teacher] Would ya care to venture one? [Phoebe Buffay] Would you care to venture one? [The Teacher] Are you just repeating what I'm saying? [Phoebe Buffay] Are you just repeating what I'm saying? [The Teacher] All right, let's move on. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay then. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah but why didn't you just say that you didn't read the book?! [Rachel Green] Be-because I didn't want him to think I was stupid! I mean, that was really embarrassing what happened to you! [Ross Geller] Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? [Ross Geller] Phoebe! You're note, amazing! Not only did no one touch my sandwich, but people at work are actually afraid of me. Yeah, a guy called me mental! Mental Geller, yeah, I always wanted a cool nickname like that. [Monica Geller] Yeah, the best you got in high school was Wet Pants Geller. [Ross Geller] That was the water fountain! Okay?! Anyway, people are writing reports for me, uh pushing back deadlines to meet my schedule, I'm telling you, you get tough with people you can get anything you want. Hey Tribbiani, give me that coffee! Now! --------------------------------------- [Cynthia] God, this was really fun! I've been wondering if you were going to ask me out. [Joey Tribbiani] So you uh, still wondering? [Cynthia] No, we just went out. [Joey Tribbiani] You're smart. I like that. [Cynthia] Oh, candles! What is that? A blanket? A video camera? Oh my God! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh no-no-no-no, wait-wait-wait!! [Cynthia] I can't believe you thought that you were going to video tape us having sex on the first date! [Joey Tribbiani] Hiya. [Rachel Green] Joey, is what she just said umm-Oh my God. You were actually gonna... [Chandler Bing] What is going on here? [Rachel Green] And with Chandler in the next room. What are you, what are you sick? [Joey Tribbiani] I'm Joey. I mean, I'm disgusting. I make low-budget adult films. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] You guys promised you'd be more careful! I mean, come on! The good Joey name is being dragged through the mud here! [Monica Geller] We're so sorry. [Chandler Bing] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I'm telling everyone about you! That's the only way to explain the underwear and the video camera that doesn't make me look like a pig! [Chandler Bing] No-no, wait! There's got to be a better explanation. You can tell them you had to make an adult film for your adult film class. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I like that. But no-no, how does that explain why Rachel found my underwear at your place? [Chandler Bing] Oh-I don't know. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, get ready to come out of the non-gay closet! [Monica Geller] Okay, just wait, please. I promise we'll come up with something. Just give us a little more time. [Joey Tribbiani] All right. Hey, but it better make me look really, really good. Oh, and another thing, the video camera? Nice!! --------------------------------------- [Dr. Ledbetter] Umm, Ross. May I have a word with you? [Ross Geller] Yeah, of course, Donald. [Dr. Ledbetter] We've been getting reports of some very angry behavior on your part. [Ross Geller] What?! [Dr. Ledbetter] Threatening letters, refusal to meet deadlines, apparently people now call you mental. [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Dr. Ledbetter] We want you to speak to a psychiatrist. [Ross Geller] Oh no, you-you don't understand. Ugh, this is so silly. Umm, this is all because of a sandwich. [Dr. Ledbetter] A sandwich? [Ross Geller] Yeah. You see my-my sister makes these amazing turkey sandwiches. Her secret is, she puts a, an extra slice of gravy soaked bread in the middle; I call it the Moist Maker. Anyway, I-I put my sandwich in the fridge over here... [Dr. Ledbetter] Oh, you know what? [Ross Geller] What? [Dr. Ledbetter] I-I'm sorry. I, I-I-I believe I ate that. [Ross Geller] You ate my sandwich? [Dr. Ledbetter] It was a simple mistake. It could happen to anyone. [Ross Geller] Oh-oh really? Did you confuse it with your own turkey sandwich with a Moist Maker? [Dr. Ledbetter] No. [Ross Geller] Do you perhaps seeing a note on top of it? [Dr. Ledbetter] There may have been a-a joke or a limerick of some kind. [Ross Geller] That said it was my sandwich?! [Dr. Ledbetter] Now-now calm down. Come look in my office, some of it my still be in the trash. [Ross Geller] What? [Dr. Ledbetter] Well, it was quite large. I-I-I-I-I had to throw most of it away. [Ross Geller] You-you-you-you threw my sandwich away! [Ross Geller] MY SANDWICH?!!! [Ross Geller] MY SANDWICH!!!!!! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Hi! [Rachel Green] So umm, what's this book about? [Phoebe Buffay] You didn't read this one either?! [Rachel Green] Well, I was gonna, but I accidentally read something else. [Phoebe Buffay] What? [Rachel Green] Vogue! Hey, so tell me about this Jane Eyre woman. [Phoebe Buffay] No! You should've read it yourself! [Rachel Green] Come on Phoebe! Don't be such a goodie-goodie! [Phoebe Buffay] Fine! Okay, all right, so Jane Eyre, first of all, you'd think she's a woman, but she's not. She's a cyborg. [Rachel Green] A cyborg?! Isn't that like a robot?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, this book was light years ahead of its time. [The Teacher] Sorry I'm late. Let's get started. So, what did everybody think about Jane Eyre? [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, Rachel and I were just discussing it and she had some very interesting insights. [The Teacher] Well, go ahead Rachel. [Rachel Green] Uh, thank you Phoebe. Umm, well, what struck me most when reading Jane Eyre was uh, how the book was so ahead of its time. [The Teacher] If you're talking about feminism, I think you're right. [Rachel Green] Yeah, well, feminism yes, but also the robots. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Monica Geller] Hey. Okay, so umm, since that video camera thing didn't work out uh, I thought that I would give you just a little preview. [Chandler Bing] You're naked in this picture! [Monica Geller] I know. [Chandler Bing] Ross? [Ross Geller] Hey Chandler. Monica! [Monica Geller] Ross, are you okay? [Ross Geller] I'm fine! I saw a psychiatrist at work today. [Monica Geller] Why?! [Ross Geller] On account of my rage. [Chandler Bing] Which I may say, right now, is out of control. [Ross Geller] He gave me a pill for it. [Monica Geller] A pill? [Ross Geller] Uh-huh. Well, when the psychiatrist told me I had to take a leave of absence because I yelled at my boss I started to get worked up again, so he offered me a tranquilizer. And I thought was a good idea so, I took it. [Monica Geller] Wait a minute, they're making you take time off work? [Chandler Bing] And you're okay with that? [Ross Geller] I don't know. It's going to be weird not having a job for a while, but I, I definitely don't care about my sandwich. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ugh, that was so embarrassing! I can't believe you let me go on and on like that! [Phoebe Buffay] I'm sorry. It was just so funny when you started comparing Jane Eyre to Robocop. [Rachel Green] That was not funny! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I snapped! Okay? You weren't taking the class seriously. [Rachel Green] Phoebe, come on! What is the big deal? I thought this was going to be something we could do together! Y'know, I thought it would be fun! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, yeah! Fun is good, but y'know I also wanted to learn. Y'know, people are always talking about what they learned in high school and I never went to high school. [Rachel Green] Ohh. Oh, so you really wanted to learn. Yeah, y'know, Pheebs I just wanted to have fun. Ohh, you know who you should go with? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I know! I know! I know! [The Teacher] Monica, you asked the question. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh my God! That's Monica!! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh no-no-no! No-no-no-no-no-no-no! [Rachel Green] You get away from me!! You sick, sick, sick, sick-o!! [Ross Geller] What's going on? [Rachel Green] Joey has got a secret peephole! [Chandler Bing] Oh no! No! No! No! [Rachel Green] Yes! He has a naked picture of Monica! He takes naked pictures of us! And then he eats chicken and looks at them! [Rachel Green] Look! [Ross Geller] Dude! That's my sister! [Monica Geller] Give me that! [Phoebe Buffay] All right, wait! Just wait. Everybody just calm down. Okay? Let's give our friend Joey a chance to explain why he's such a big pervert! [Joey Tribbiani] No! I am not a pervert! Okay? It's just... I just... Kinda... [Chandler Bing] All right, look! Look. I think I can explain this. [Joey Tribbiani] Thank you! [Chandler Bing] Joey's a sex addict. [Joey Tribbiani] What?!! No I'm not!! [Monica Geller] It's okay! It's good! It's good. It's a disease! [Joey Tribbiani] No! No! I am not a sex addict! [Monica Geller] Yes you are! That's the only way to explain all this stuff! [Joey Tribbiani] No it isn't! No, it's not. Because you can also explain it with the truth! [Rachel Green] Well, what is the truth? [Ross Geller] Yeah, what's going on? [Phoebe Buffay] What's going on? [Joey Tribbiani] I slept with Monica. [Chandler Bing] Well let's....let's see what everybody thinks of that? [Monica Geller] Oh no! [Ross Geller] You slept with my sister? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh yes, but it was, we just did it once uh, in London. [Ross Geller] This is not good for my rage. [Rachel Green] Monica, is this true? [Joey Tribbiani] Of course it's true! How else would you explain all the weird stuff that's been going on? [Monica Geller] Yes it's true. [Rachel Green] Okay, but if it only happened that one time, how come we found your underwear in our apartment the other day? [Joey Tribbiani] Ahh-oy! That was the underwear I was wearing that night in London. Right Monica? [Monica Geller] I guess I wanted to keep it as a souvenir. [Ross Geller] My God Monica!! [Chandler Bing] Are you sure Joe? Are you sure you're not just a sex addict? [Joey Tribbiani] No! If anyone's a sex addict here, it's Monica! Yeah. Yeah. She has been trying to get me back in the sack ever since London! [Phoebe Buffay] So that's why she gave you a naked picture of herself. [Joey Tribbiani] That makes sense! [Rachel Green] And the video camera? [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh, Monica? [Monica Geller] I guess I set up the video camera to try and entice Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] But sadly I could not be enticed. [Ross Geller] Unbelievable! I mean you really kept Joey's underwear?! Why? Why would you do that?! [Monica Geller] I'm Monica. I'm disgusting. I stalk guys and keep their underpants. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I think we've all learned something about who's disgusting and who's not. Eh? All right, now, I'm going to get back to my bucket. I'm only eating the skin, so the chicken's up for grabs. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] I really thought you making a good point. I mean y'know, until you got cut off. [A Female Student] Yeah, what's up with that girl Monica? [Phoebe Buffay] I don't know! I didn't come with her! [Monica Geller] All right everybody! Everybody guess what? I just convinced Paul to give us a test next week! [#ALL#] A test?!! [Monica Geller] Come on! Tests make us all better learners! Oh yeah! We should have essay questions!!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e09", "title": "The One With Ross's Sandwich"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Inappropriate Sister [Joey Tribbiani] What are you doing? [Ross Geller] I...Reorganized The Fridge. See, Bottom Shelf: Meats And Dairy. And Top Shelf expired products. [Joey Tribbiani] Why are you doing this? [Ross Geller] Because I am bored...Out of my mind. I've already been to the bank, post office, and the dry cleaners. [Joey Tribbiani] Dude, you just described seven days worth of stuff. You've got to spread it out a little, you know. Haven't you ever been unemployed? [Ross Geller] Hey, I am not unemployed. I'm on sabbatical! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, don't get religious on me, ok. A guy in your position needs to be a little better at relaxing. You know. Why do you think we have the comfortable chairs? Huh...come here...sit down. Ready? Ahh!! Ohh, yeah!! Huh?! [Ross Geller] So what, we just sit? [Joey Tribbiani] Ohh, no, no. We're not going to just sit. Shhh. [Chandler Bing] Hello, Chandler Bing. [Joey Tribbiani] Hello Mr. Bing...I love you. [Chandler Bing] Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! It's been six months! It's not funny! [Joey Tribbiani] But, I love you. [Chandler Bing] Leave me alone! For the love of God, leave me alone!!! [Joey Tribbiani] And that's Wednesday. Ohh. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey you guys, guess what? [Chandler Bing] The British are coming? [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, you and your ways. Since it's Christmastime. I'm going to be one of those people collection donations. [#ALL#] Ohh. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I already have my bell and later on...I get my bucket. [Chandler Bing] Ohh. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, yeah, I'm going to be out there spreading joy to the people. I mean, last year, I spread a little joy but not really enough. So this year, I'm going to do the whole city. [Monica Geller] You know, I knew a girl in high school who did that. She was very popular. [Joey Tribbiani] So Pheebs, where are you doing all, your bell ringing? [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, they gave me a great spot. Right by Macys. Yeah, they hardly ever give such a good spot to a rookie, but I'm the only one who can sing "Merry Christmas" in 25 languages. I lied. [Rachel Green] Oh my god. Ok you guys, there's Danny. Watch. Just watch this. See?! Still pretending he's not interested. Ohh, he's coming over. Just pretend like we don't know him. We've forgotten who he is. [Danny] Hey guys. [#ALL#] Hey Danny. [Monica Geller] Danny? You know Rachel? She's nice. She's not bad to look at, right? [Rachel Green] Thanks, Mon. [Danny] Well, of course. [Monica Geller] Do you want to go out on a date with her? [Rachel Green] Monica!!! [Danny] Absolutely! Is Friday okay? [Monica Geller] Friday's perfect...She can't wait. [Danny] On the date, I will be able to talk to her directly? See ya Friday. [Rachel Green] Okay. What the hell was that? You know what? Don't answer me. I have a date with Danny. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] How could I not get the part? The play was about a 29-year-old Italian actor from Queens. [Estelle Leonard] Well, Telia Shire suddenly became available. [Joey Tribbiani] She's a woman! [Estelle Leonard] What can I say? She nailed it. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, is there anything else? [Estelle Leonard] Well, you're just going to say no again but...gay porn. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Happy Holidays. Feliz Navidad. Allo, and Merry Christmas. Ohh thank you sir. Here's some joy. [Monica Geller] Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Monica Geller] I just wanted to see how it's going. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, it's going okay. [Monica Geller] Well good, here let me help you out. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, thanks! [Monica Geller] Yeah! [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! [Phoebe Buffay] Is that a new Swede jacket? It looks really expensive. [Monica Geller] Yeah. I guess. [Phoebe Buffay] Just get your nails done? [Monica Geller] Yes Phoebe, but this is all I have. Okay? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay! Thanks! Happy Holidays, here's your joy. [Phoebe Buffay] Thank you! And Happy Holidays. [Phoebe Buffay] Wait, you can't take the money out. [The Man] I'm making change. I need change for the bus. [Phoebe Buffay] But, can't you leave the dollar? This money is for the poor. [The Man] I'm poor! I gotta take the bus! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, Seasons Greetings and everything, but still... [The Man] Bite me, blondie! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I'm going to give him something else besides joy, just... --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] That part was perfect for me! I can't believe I didn't get it! [Ross Geller] I'm sorry, man. Hey, y'know what you should do? You should make something happen for yourself. Y'know, like-like write a play. Write a movie! Huh? I mean, what about those Good Will Hunting guys? [Joey Tribbiani] Come on Ross be realistic, y'know? If I did write something, what are the chances I could get those guys to star in it? [Joey Tribbiani] Wait a second, I could star in it! [Ross Geller] Or that. [Joey Tribbiani] I can't write! Y'know I mean I-I-I'm an actor, I don't have the discipline that takes, y'know? I can't do it. [Ross Geller] I'll help you. Yeah, I'll make up a schedule and make sure you stick to it. And plus, it'll give me something to do. [Joey Tribbiani] Really? You'd-you'd do that for me?! [Ross Geller] Yeah! [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks! [Ross Geller] All right, we'll start off slow. The only thing you have to do tonight is come up with the name of your main character. [Joey Tribbiani] Done! [Ross Geller] And it can't be Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] It's not. [Ross Geller] Or Joseph. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey, what's up? [Rachel Green] I just saw Danny getting on the subway with a girl and he had his arm around her. [Monica Geller] Oh, honey, I'm sorry. [Rachel Green] Well, you should be, this is all your fault! You meddled in our relationship!! [Monica Geller] You had no relationship!! [Rachel Green] No, but I was doing my thing and everything was going according to the plan! [Monica Geller] Oh God, stop with the plan! So what, so what you saw him with a girl? Who cares?! That doesn't mean anything! Now look, you're going to go out on a date with Danny and you're going to be so charming he's gonna forget all about that stupid subway girl. [Rachel Green] She was kinda stupid. You're right. All right, I'm just gonna go on the date. I'm gonna go on the date. That is the new plan. [Monica Geller] Come on, hurry! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, how do you spell suspicious? [Chandler Bing] Why? [Joey Tribbiani] Because I think this character is going to be suspicious about stuff. [Chandler Bing] Yes! Chandler Bing, 7! Chandler Bing, 0. [Joey Tribbiani] You're driving me crazy with that! [Chandler Bing] Okay, I'll stop. [Joey Tribbiani] Don't stop! Move the bowl further away! Ross could make that shot! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, you suck! But at least you suck at a man's game now. [Chandler Bing] You wanna play? [Joey Tribbiani] Chandler, I can't be playing games, Ross is gonna be home soon. And I have to write five whole pages if I'm gonna stick to his schedule. [Chandler Bing] Well, so, play for the next 30 minutes and then write until he gets home. [Joey Tribbiani] All right! But uh, listen, what do you say we crank it up a notch? [Chandler Bing] I'm intrigued. [Joey Tribbiani] All right, all we need is a little lighter fluid. [Chandler Bing] Okay, but be careful okay, because I wanna get our security deposit back. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I think we said good-bye to that when we invented hammer darts. [Chandler Bing] Do you even remember which part of the wall is not spackle? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh yeah, right here. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Thank you, Happy Holidays. [Phoebe Buffay] Now, that's trash. Young lady, you can't... Hey! Stop that young lady, she donated trash! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey!! The charity's on fire! Help! Oh good! Thank you, I need that. Whoa! What is that?! It's nine o'clock in the morning! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] All right. A room. A man enters, he looks suspicious. That's it? Joey, you're supposed to have five pages done by now! Including an exciting incident! And what is, and what is all this?! The official rulebook of Fireball. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, that's the uh, game we were playing. [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah, it's great! See you take a tennis ball, a bowl, and some lighter fluid-Op! Op! [Ross Geller] This is helping your career?! Huh? I thought you wanted to be an actor not the creator of crazy lawsuit game! [Joey Tribbiani] You're right, you're right, I'll get back to work. [Ross Geller] And shame on you! You should know better, Joey needs to work. Now come on! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Ross Geller] No! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! You can have this back when the five pages are done! Ahh! --------------------------------------- [Danny] I had a really nice time tonight. [Rachel Green] So did I. I'm really glad Monica asked us out. [Danny] I'd love to ask you in, but uh, my sister's visiting and I think she's asleep on the couch. [Rachel Green] You're sister? You're sister's asleep on the couch? Ohhh! I saw her with you on the subway and now she's asleep on the couch! [Danny's Sister] Oh, I thought I heard you. [Danny] Oh hey, great, you're up. Rachel, this is my sister Krista. Krista, this is Rachel. [Rachel Green] Hi! [Krista] Nice to meet you. I wish you'd told me we were having company, I'd fix myself up! [Danny] Like it would help. [Krista] You are so bad! [Danny] You are! [Krista] You are! [Danny] You are! [Krista] You are! [Danny] You are! [Krista] You are! [Danny] You are so dead! I'm gonna get you. [Rachel Green] Uh, it was very nice meeting you. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Nobody! Nobody respects the bucket! You wouldn't believe what people put in here! Look! Okay, does this look like a garbage can to you? [Monica Geller] No. [Phoebe Buffay] Does it look like an ashtray? [Monica Geller] No. [Phoebe Buffay] Does it look like a urinal? [Monica Geller] Eww!! [Ross Geller] So Pheebs, are you gonna go back out there or what? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, yeah! But I'm not gonna take anymore crap. Okay? No more Mrs. Nice Bucket! [Monica Geller] Yeah, good for you. Y'know you're tough, you lived on the streets. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I'm gonna go back to being Street Phoebe. Yeah! Oh but, y'know what? I can't go totally back because Street Phoebe really wouldn't be friends with you guys. Sorry. [Rachel Green] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey, umm, can I ask you guys something? [Monica Geller] Sure. [Rachel Green] Uh, I don't have any brothers so I don't know, but uh, did you guys wrestle? [Ross Geller] Oh-oh, yeah. [Monica Geller] All the time. In fact, I was undefeated. [Ross Geller] Uh, you weighted 200 pounds. [Monica Geller] Still, I was quick as a cat. [Rachel Green] Well, I met Danny's sister yesterday, and uh that was actually the girl on the subway. [Monica Geller] Oh, you're kidding. [Rachel Green] Yeah, they were very y'know...wrestley. But, I guess that's normal? [Monica Geller] We don't, we don't wrestle now. [Ross Geller] Yeah, not since I got too strong for you. [Monica Geller] Too strong for me? [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Monica Geller] You wanna go right now? 'Cause I'll take you right now, buddy! You wanna go? [Ross Geller] Oh fine. [Monica Geller] Ready? Wrestle! [Rachel Green] Okay, y'know what uh, actually, that's great. That helps a lot. Thanks. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Guys, come on! Let's go! The puck drops in 20 minutes! Come on, Joe! [Ross Geller] Joey's not going. [Joey Tribbiani] I didn't finish my five pages. [Chandler Bing] Well, why can't you do them tomorrow? [Ross Geller] Because tomorrow he's redoing yesterday's pages. [Joey Tribbiani] Yesterday's pages did not reflect my best work. [Chandler Bing] Why don't you cut him a little slack? Okay? Maybe if he relaxes a little bit, he'll get some work done. [Ross Geller] I think he's been relaxing enough, thanks to you and Fireball. [Joey Tribbiani] Dude, if you think Fireball's relaxing, you've obviously have never played. [Chandler Bing] The only reason you're doing this to Joey is because you're bored. Okay, it's not his fault that you're unemployed. [Ross Geller] I am not unemployed. I'm on sabbatical! [Joey Tribbiani] Come on look guys, don't fight. [Ross Geller] And the reason I'm doing this is because I am Joey's friend. And if you were a good friend, you'd be doing the same thing. [Chandler Bing] Oh, so being a good friend means acting like a total jerk? [Ross Geller] If it does? Then you're an amazing friend of mine. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey guys, hey! How about we settle this over a friendly game of Fireball? Huh? I'll go unhook the smoke detectors! [Ross Geller] How about we settle this right now! There! Now, no one's going to the game. Ha-ha-ha! [Chandler Bing] I paid for those tickets! [Ross Geller] No you didn't. You said you would, but you never did! [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah! --------------------------------------- [Danny] ...so we finally get to the top of the mountain and airhead here forgets the camera! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, y'know the same thing happened to me one time. [Chandler Bing] When did that happen to you?! [Joey Tribbiani] Don't you remember when we were jogging in the park and we saw that really pretty bird and wanted to take a picture-I didn't have my camera! [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah. First off all, chasing the Churo guy isn't jogging. [Krista] Oh, this is so good you have got to try it. [Danny] Oh, damn! I got it on my pants. [Krista] Here, I'll get it. [Krista] We'd better take these pants off upstairs or that stain's gonna set. [Danny] Yep. I'm gonna wear these on our date tonight. [Rachel Green] Oh, great! [Chandler Bing] Okay, bye! Oh my God!! [Monica Geller] That was unbelievable! [Rachel Green] Okay, see? I told you! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, wow, sorry Rach. [Chandler Bing] I don't believe they're brother and sister. [Joey Tribbiani] They're brother and sister!!! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait a minute, open up your hand; let me take a look. Quarter. Dime. Lint? Not interested in that. What's this? A Canadian coin? Get outta here! [Phoebe Buffay] Whoa-whoa-whoa! No drinks near the bucket! Set it down over there and then you can make a contribution! And you can leave the hurt bunny look over there too! Hi Bob! I thought I told you to get outta here! [Bob] Uh, Phoebe we've been getting complaints and uh, we're gonna move you to a less high-profile spot. [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Bob] Umm, Ginger's gonna take over this corner. [Phoebe Buffay] That chick can't handle my corner. [Bob] Look, either you leave, or we remove you. [Phoebe Buffay] Fine. All right, I'll give you one pointer. Look out for that bitch. --------------------------------------- [Danny] Oh, hey Rach! I thought we said seven? [Rachel Green] Yeah uh, y'know what uh, let's skip it. [Danny] What?! Why?! [Rachel Green] Umm, you-you and your sister seem to have umm, a very special bond, and... [Danny] Oh great! That special bond again! Why do women have such a problem with the fact that I'm close with my sister? [Rachel Green] Well, okay, look. I don't know, listen, I don't know what's going on here but let's... [Danny] Do-do you, do you have brothers? [Rachel Green] No, I have two sisters. But one of them has a very masculine energy. [Danny] Are you close with them? [Rachel Green] No-no, they're not very nice people. [Danny] Okay, listen, I really like you. Okay? I think this can go somewhere. So what if I'm close to my family, are you gonna let that stand in the way of us? [Rachel Green] Well, uh, I-I don't know. See when-when you put it that way y'know it does sort of... [Krista] Danny! Hurry up! The bath is getting cold! [Danny] What? [Rachel Green] Yeah, okay, I'll see you later. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Oh hey! There's some kids playing in the street, you wanna go down there and give them a project, ruin their day? [Ross Geller] Hey, if they have a ball maybe you can stick razor blades in it and teach them a new game, Gonna Need Stitches Ball. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey guys! I was at the library all morning and I already finished my five pages for today! [Ross Geller] Yay! [Chandler Bing] Great! Now, we can go to the Ranger game! Last night! [Joey Tribbiani] No dude, Ross tore up the tickets! [Ross Geller] I guess when you don't have so many distractions, it's easier for you to focus. Huh? [Chandler Bing] Yeah or also when you don't have somebody breathing down your neck ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY!! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, well, that's fine, but the important thing is that I finished it. And uh, I think it's really good, but y'know it'd really help me is if I could hear it. So would you guys read it for me? [Chandler Bing] All right. [Ross Geller] All right. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. "It's a typical New York City apartment. Two guys are hanging out." Ross [Ross Geller] Hey man. [Chandler Bing] What is up? [Ross Geller] About yesterday, I was really wrong. I am sorry. [Chandler Bing] No, it was me. I'm sorry. I over reacted. [Ross Geller] Maybe it was both of us, but we had our best friend's interest... But we had our best friend's interest at heart. [Chandler Bing] Could I be more sorry. [Ross Geller] I don't know, I'm one sorry polentologist. All right Joey, we get it. I'm sorry. [Chandler Bing] I'm sorry too. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh no! No-no, keep reading! The good part's coming up. Keep going. [Ross Geller] I am sorry, Chandler. [Chandler Bing] I am sorry, Ross. [Joey Tribbiani] A handsome man enters. Hey! How's it going guys? I don't know what you two were talking about, but I'd like to say thanks to both of you. You, you wouldn't let me give up on myself, and you well you co-created Fireball. The end. [Chandler Bing] This took you all day?! [Joey Tribbiani] No-no, this only took five minutes. I spent the rest of the day coming up with new, Ultimate Fireball. Ha-ha! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, it's a typical New York City apartment. Two girls are just hanging out. [Monica Geller] Hi, how are you doing Kelly? [Rachel Green] I'm doing just fine! God, Tiffany, you smell so great! [Monica Geller] It's my new perfume. Why don't you come closer where you can really appreciate it? [Rachel Green] Oh, y'know Joey, you are sick! [Monica Geller] This is disgusting! [Rachel Green] I'm not reading this! [Joey Tribbiani] What?! Wait-wait-wait! The handsome man was about to enter!!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e10", "title": "The One With The Inappropriate Sister"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With All The Resolutions [Jay Leno] Is there any entertainment there? What are people doing? [Joey Tribbiani] All right! Here we go! 1999! The year of Joey! [Chandler Bing] We're very happy for you. [Joey Tribbiani] What's the matter?! [Chandler Bing] We wanted to kiss at midnight, but nobody else is going to so y'know... [Joey Tribbiani] All right, I'll take care of it. [Monica Geller] Oh no, wait! Joey! [Ross Geller] 73! 72! 71! [Joey Tribbiani] Ross! Ross! Ross, listen! Who are you kissing at midnight, huh? Rachel or Phoebe? [Ross Geller] What? [Joey Tribbiani] Well you gotta kiss someone, you can't kiss your sister. [Ross Geller] Well, who's gonna kiss my sister. [Joey Tribbiani] Chandler. [Ross Geller] Awww, man! Really? [Joey Tribbiani] Dude-dude, who would you rather have kiss your sister, me or Chandler? [Ross Geller] That's a good point. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Oh well, since I have that whole history with Rachel, I guess Phoebe. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, great! [Ross Geller] All right. [Joey Tribbiani] Pheebs! Pheebs! Ross wants to kiss you at midnight! [Phoebe Buffay] It's so obvious, why doesn't he just ask? [Joey Tribbiani] Rach! Rach! Listen, I'm gonna kiss you at midnight. [Rachel Green] What?! [Ross Geller] Well, everyone's gotta kiss someone. You can't kiss Ross you got the history. [Rachel Green] So? [Joey Tribbiani] So? Who would you rather have kiss you, me or Chandler? [Rachel Green] Oh, good point. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! [#ALL#] 3! 2! 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!! [Chandler Bing] Happy New Year! [Monica Geller] Happy New Year. [Ross Geller] Happy New Year, Pheebs! [Phoebe Buffay] You too! [Rachel Green] Happy New Year, Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] So did that do anything for ya? --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Y'know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in '99! [Rachel Green] But your divorce isn't even final yet. [Ross Geller] Just the one divorce in '99! Y'know what, I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy. [Chandler Bing] Do you want us to leave the room, or? [Ross Geller] Everyday I am gonna do one thing that I haven't done before. That my friends is my New Year's resolution. [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh! That's a good one! Mine is to pilot a commercial jet. [Chandler Bing] That's good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to do is find a planeload of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths. [Phoebe Buffay] Maybe your resolution is to not make fun of your friends, especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free on their own plane. [Monica Geller] She has a better chance of sprouting wings and flying up your nose than you do of not making fun of us. [Ross Geller] In fact, I'll bet you 50 bucks that you can't go the whole year without making fun of us. Eh, y'know what, better yet? A week. [Chandler Bing] I'll take that bet my friend. And you know what, paying me the 50 bucks could be the "new thing you do that day!" And it starts right now! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, my New Year's resolution is to learn how to play the guitar. [Ross Geller] Ohh. [Phoebe Buffay] Really?! How come? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, y'know those special skills I have listed on my resume? I would love it would be great if one of those was true. [Phoebe Buffay] Do you want me to teach you? I'm a great teacher. [Joey Tribbiani] Really? Who-who have you taught? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I taught me and I love me. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah that'd be great! Thanks Pheebs! [Rachel Green] Op, look! Claire forgot her glasses! And she's gonna be really needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend, who, I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about. [Monica Geller] Hey Rach, maybe your resolution should be to umm, gossip less. [Rachel Green] I don't gossip! [Rachel Green] Well, maybe sometimes I find out things or I hear something and I pass that information on y'know kinda like a public service, it doesn't mean I'm a gossip. I mean, would you call Ted Kopel a gossip? [Monica Geller] Well if Ted Kopel talked about his coworkers botched boob jobs, I would. [Rachel Green] What? They were like this! --------------------------------------- [Woman] I'll see you tomorrow. [Ross Geller] Okay! Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Ross Geller] I just asked that girl out. [Chandler Bing] Nice! [Joey Tribbiani] Nice!! Yeah! Is that part of your resolution, your new thing for today? [Ross Geller] Yes it is. See. [Chandler Bing] Elizabeth Hornswoggle? [Ross Geller] That's right, uh, Elizabeth Hornswoggle. [Chandler Bing] Horn-swoggle. [Joey Tribbiani] You all right Chandler? Is there something funny about that name? [Chandler Bing] No. No, I just think that maybe I-I'd heard it somewhere before. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh really! Where? Somewhere funny I'd bet! [Ross Geller] Hi, Pheebs! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Ross Geller] Oh-oh, guess what? I-I have a date with Elizabeth Hornswoggle. [Phoebe Buffay] Hornswoggle? Ooh, this must be killing you. [Ross Geller] All right, see you later. [Joey Tribbiani] See ya! All right Pheebs, I am ready for my first lesson. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Oh no-no-no, you don't touch the guitar! First you learn here, then you learn here. [Joey Tribbiani] Umm, okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, Lesson One: Chords. Now, I Don'T Know The Actual Names Of The Chords But Umm, I-I-I Made Up Names For The Way My Hand Looks While I'M Doing Them. So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady. [Chandler Bing] What an interesting approach to guitar instruction. Y'know some might find it amusing, I myself find it regular. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey everybody, Rachel was so good today. She didn't gossip at all. [Rachel Green] I didn't! Even when I found out...umm, all right, well let's just say I found something out something about someone and let's just say she's gonna keep it. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, Pheebs! Check-check this out. [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, you nailed the Old Lady! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah listen so, I thought I was getting better, so on my way home today I stopped by this guitar store and... [Phoebe Buffay] Did you, did you touch any of the guitars while you were there? Did you?! [Joey Tribbiani] No. [Phoebe Buffay] Give me your hands. Strings. Gimme it! Pick. Do you want to learn to play guitar? [Joey Tribbiani] Yes! [Phoebe Buffay] Then don't touch one!! [Ross Geller] Hi! [Ben Geller] Hi! [Monica Geller] Hi Ben! [Ben Geller] Auntie Monica!! [Chandler Bing] Ross is wearing leather pants! Does nobody else see that Ross is wearing leather pants? Someone comment on the pants! [Rachel Green] I think they're very nice. [Monica Geller] I like 'em. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! [Monica Geller] I like them a lot. [Chandler Bing] That's not what I had in mind! See, people like Ross don't generally wear these types of pants. You see, they're very tight. Maybe there's something in that area. [Ross Geller] Oh see, I-I needed a new thing for today and there's this leather store that always smells so good and I thought to myself, "Wow, I never really owned a good smelling pair of pants before." [Chandler Bing] Oh come on!! [Ross Geller] Okay, seriously, what do you think? [Joey Tribbiani] You look like a freak. [Rachel Green] Awful, absolutely awful. [Ross Geller] What are you, what are you doing? [Monica Geller] It's my New Year's resolution! [Ross Geller] What, to blind my child? [Monica Geller] No! To take more pictures of all of us together. I mean I really think it's the best resolution because everyone will enjoy the pictures. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, everyone will enjoy my music as well. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] My God! These pants are burning up! Oh come on, she wants to snuggle now! What is she trying to kill me? It's like a volcano in here! Are you hot? [Elizabeth Hornswoggle] No. [Ross Geller] Okay, it must just be me then. [Ross Geller] That was just the pants on the couch. Umm, hey, do you, do you mind if I use your bathroom? [Elizabeth Hornswoggle] No, go ahead. [Ross Geller] Thanks. [Ross Geller] Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......... [Elizabeth Hornswoggle] Hey, my favorite part is coming up! [Ross Geller] 'Kay! [Ross Geller] Oh my God! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Tiger! Dragon! Iceberg!! Joseph, did you even study at all last night? [Joey Tribbiani] Yes! Yes, I did. [Phoebe Buffay] Then do Iceberg! [Joey Tribbiani] G-sharp. [Phoebe Buffay] G-sharp? Have you been studying the real names of the chords? Have you? Oh my God! [Joey Tribbiani] What?! I didn't touch a guitar! [Phoebe Buffay] No, but you're questioning my method! [Joey Tribbiani] No, I'm not questioning it, I'm saying it's stupid! What?! [Monica Geller] Thank you. [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know none of my other student thought I was stupid. [Joey Tribbiani] Your other student, was you! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, well, y'know maybe you just need to try a little harder! [Joey Tribbiani] Look, maybe I need to try a real teacher! Right here! Here! Andy Cooper, he teaches guitar and look ooh, there's a nice picture of him with a little kid and THE KID'S GOT A GUITAR!!!!!! [Phoebe Buffay] Fine! You go learn from your qualified instructor! But don't come crying to me when everyone's sick and tired of hearing you play Bad, Bad Leroy Brown!! [Rachel Green] "Baddest man in the whole damn town." [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, fine! Take his side! [Monica Geller] I can't wait to be with you! I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours. [Chandler Bing] Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname? [Monica Geller] Awww, y'know what your nickname is, Mr. Big... [Rachel Green] Arghh!! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hello? [Ross Geller] Joey, it's Ross! I need some help! [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh, Chandler's not here. [Ross Geller] Well, you can help me! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Ross Geller] Listen, I'm in Elizabeth's bathroom... [Joey Tribbiani] Nice! [Ross Geller] No, I-I got really hot in my leather pants so I took them off but they must have shrunk from the-the sweat or-or-or my legs expanded from the heat. Look, I-I can't put them back on. I can't! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh. That is quite a situation. Uh, do you see any like, powder? [Ross Geller] Powder! Yeah! Yeah, I have powder! [Joey Tribbiani] Good-good, okay, sprinkle some of that on your legs, it'll absorb some of the moisture and then you can get your pants back up. [Ross Geller] Yeah, okay, hold on! They're not coming on man. [Joey Tribbiani] Umm, do you see any-oh, Vaseline? [Ross Geller] Ohh, I-I see lotion, I have lotion! Will that work? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, sure, spread some of that on there. [Ross Geller] Hold on. [Joey Tribbiani] Ross? You okay? [Ross Geller] They're still, they're still not coming on man and the lotion and the powder have made a paste! [Joey Tribbiani] Really?! Uhh, what color is it? [Ross Geller] What difference does that make?! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I'm just-if the paste matches the pants, you can make yourself a pair of paste pants and she won't know the difference! [Rachel Green] Joey, do you have a minute? [Ross Geller] Dude, what am I gonna... [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, Rachel's here, so good luck man, let me know how it works out. [Rachel Green] Oh, Joey, I have such a problem! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh well, you're timing couldn't be better. I am putting out fires all over the place. [Rachel Green] Okay. Okay. Okay. Joey, I have got to tell you something! [Joey Tribbiani] What-what is it, what is it? [Rachel Green] Oh my God, it's so huge, but you just have to promise me that you cannot tell anyone. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh no, no-no-no-no! I don't want to know! [Rachel Green] Yes! Yes! Yes, you do want to know! This is unbelievable! [Joey Tribbiani] I don't care, Rach! Look, I am tired of being the guy who knows all the secrets but can't tell anyone! [Rachel Green] What? What secrets? You know secrets? What are they? [Joey Tribbiani] And you're not supposed to be gossiping!! [Rachel Green] I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone... [Joey Tribbiani] I'm not listening to you! --------------------------------------- [Elizabeth Hornswoggle] Ross, umm, you've been in there for a long time. I'm starting to get kinda freaked out. [Ross Geller] All right, I'm coming out. Hey, can you turn the lights off. [Elizabeth Hornswoggle] No, let's just leave the lights on. [Elizabeth Hornswoggle] Oh my God! [Ross Geller] I had a problem. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, Pheebs? [Phoebe Buffay] No, I can't talk to you! I don't have a fancy ad in the Yellow Pages! [Joey Tribbiani] Look, Pheebs, I just, I wanna apologize for, for saying that your method was stupid and-and maybe ask you to be my teacher again. And-and I promise, I won't touch a guitar until you say I'm ready. You really think I'm ready? [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh! [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! Cool! [Joey Tribbiani] Was the chord at least right... [Phoebe Buffay] No! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Oh my God! [Monica Geller] We heard about your pants, I'm so sorry. [Ross Geller] This year was supposed to be great! But, it's only the second day and I'm a loser with stupid leather pants that don't even fit! [#ALL#] No. No, you're not a loser. [Ross Geller] Look at me! [Monica Geller] Hey, hey, look. Look Ross, Ben drew a picture of you! Huh? You're-you're a cowboy! [Ross Geller] Oh, be-because of the leather pants. [Monica Geller] See? Ben doesn't think you're a loser, he thinks you're a cowboy! Now that's something. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! [Rachel Green] That really is something; that's really cool. [Joey Tribbiani] Howdy partner! [Ross Geller] Maybe I should get another pair! Ooh, y'know, they-they had some with fringe all down the sides. I'm gonna go kiss Ben goodnight. I can't believe he thinks I'm a cowboy. I would make a good cowboy. [Monica Geller] Okay, now that everything's wrapped up here, I think I'm, I'm gonna go do my laundry. [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah, me too. Y'know if this shirt is dirty. Yep. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I'm gonna go too. I'm gonna go to the airport. I figure if I hang around there long enough, someone's bound to leave one of those planes unattended. [Rachel Green] Good luck, honey! [Phoebe Buffay] Bye! [Rachel Green] Hey, uh, Joey? [Joey Tribbiani] Umm? [Rachel Green] Remember that big thing I was gonna tell you about? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, no! [Rachel Green] I'm not gonna tell you, but if you found out on your own, that would be okay and then we could talk about it. Right? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, then it wouldn't be a secret. So yeah, that would be okay. Yeah. Yeah! [Rachel Green] Yeah. Well. Hey uh Joe, would mind going over to Chandler's bedroom and get that book back that he borrowed from me? [Joey Tribbiani] Now? You want me to go over there now? [Rachel Green] Yeah! [Joey Tribbiani] Do you know something? [Rachel Green] Do you know something? [Joey Tribbiani] I might know something. [Rachel Green] I might know something too. [Joey Tribbiani] What's the thing you know? [Rachel Green] Oh no, I can't tell you until you tell me what you know. [Joey Tribbiani] I can't tell you what I know. [Rachel Green] Well then I can't tell you what I know. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, fine. [Joey Tribbiani] You don't know! [Rachel Green] All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know! [Joey Tribbiani] YOU KNOW!!!! [Rachel Green] AND YOU KNOW!!! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I know!!!! [Rachel Green] Chandler and Monica?!! Oh, this is unbelievable!! How long have you known? [Joey Tribbiani] Too long! Oh my God, Rach, I've been dying to talk to someone about this for so long! Listen, listen, we can't say anything about this to anybody, they're so weird about that! Listen... [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! It's raining. I don't want to fly in the rain. So... [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I am going to go for a walk in the rain. [Rachel Green] Ohhh, yeah, me too. [Phoebe Buffay] That's weird. I bet they're doing it. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Oh good, okay, I can't take it anymore. I can't take it anymore. So you win, okay? Here! Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet! And Ross, phone call for you today, Tom Jones, he wants his pants back! And Hornswoggle? What are you dating a character from Fraggile Rock?!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e11", "title": "The One With All The Resolutions"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Chandler's Work Laugh [Rachel Green] Come on Joey!!! [Joey Tribbiani] Rach, I told you everything I knew last night! Look, it's not that big of a deal, so Monica and Chandler are doing it. [Rachel Green] I can't believe you would say that! [Joey Tribbiani] Sorry. Monica and Chandler are making love. [Rachel Green] No! I mean come on! This is a huge deal! Fine I want-I need more details, who-who initiated the first kiss? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know. [Rachel Green] Is he romantic with her? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know. [Rachel Green] Are they in love? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know. [Rachel Green] You don't know anything. [Joey Tribbiani] Ohh, I know one thing! [Rachel Green] What? [Joey Tribbiani] They did it right there on the couch. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Ross! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey-yeah. Hey Gunther, can I have a scone please? Wanna hear some good news? Someone I know is getting married! Yeah! And weddings are happy occasions! Oh, by-the-by it's my ex-wife Emily! [#ALL#] What? Oh! [Chandler Bing] Sorry man. [Gunther] Here's your scone. [Ross Geller] Oh, thanks Gunther. STUPID BRITISH SNACK FOOD!!!!!!! [Chandler Bing] Did they teach you that in your anger management class? [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, you know what might help you deal with it? Think of it this way, you and Emily are in the past and you can't be mad about the past. So are you still mad about the Louisiana Purchase? [Rachel Green] Pheebs, I don't think anyone's mad about that. [Phoebe Buffay] Exactly! Because it's in the past! [Joey Tribbiani] Anybody gonna eat that? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Look at us all dressed up for the big office party! By the way, what are we celebrating? [Chandler Bing] Oh, we had a lot of liquor left over from the Christmas party. [Monica Geller] I think this is so cool because none of our friends are here and we can be a real couple. We don't have to hide. [Chandler Bing] I know, I can do this. [Monica Geller] Ooh, and I can do this. [Both] We can't do that. [Doug] Hey Bing! Wo-ho-ho, who's the pretty lady and what the hell is she doing with you? [Chandler Bing] I asked myself that very question, sir. Uh, this is Monica. This is my boss, Doug. Doug this is Monica. [Monica Geller] Hi, nice to meet you! [Doug] Hi! And this is my wife Kara. [Kara] Nice to meet you Monica. Bing! [Doug] Say uh, Bing, did you hear about the new law firm we got working for us? [Chandler Bing] No, sir. [Doug] Yeah, Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe. [Doug] Come on honey, let's go drink our body weight. [Monica Geller] What was that? [Chandler Bing] What? [Monica Geller] That noise you just made? [Chandler Bing] Oh, that was my work laugh. [Monica Geller] Really? Your work laugh? [Chandler Bing] Oh, believe me, to survive this party, you're gonna have to come up with one too. [Monica Geller] All right, check me out. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Doug] ...says $30 Father; same as in town. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey! Everybody at work loved you last night! [Monica Geller] Really? [Chandler Bing] And! They like me more just because I was with ya! I think you repaired a lot of the damage from when they met Joey. And Doug wants us to play tennis with them. He's never even talked to me outside of work. Except for that time when we bumped into each other at that strip club. Strip church. Anyway, I'm gonna go try and find a racquet. [Monica Geller] Hey, I thought you already had one. [Chandler Bing] Oh I used too, but then Joey thought it would be fun to go to Central Park and hit rocks at...bigger rocks. Hey Rach, do you have a tennis racquet? [Rachel Green] Oh umm, y'know I lent it to Joey and I never actually got it back. [Chandler Bing] Okay, good luck with that. [Rachel Green] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hi! [Rachel Green] What's up?! [Monica Geller] What are you doing here? I thought you had to do inventory all day. [Rachel Green] Well yeah, I do, but I decided to take a long lunch and spend some time with my friend Monica. Y'know I-I feel that we don't talk anymore. How are you? What is new with you? [Monica Geller] Uhh, not much. Uh, work's good. [Rachel Green] Oh y'know what, we don't have to talk about work. We can talk about anything! [Monica Geller] Okay. Umm... [Rachel Green] Hey! Y'know what? Let's talk about relationships! [Monica Geller] Okay, what's going on with you? [Rachel Green] Nothing! You go! [Monica Geller] Well, I-I-there was this guy at the bank that I thought was cute umm, but I don't anymore. [Rachel Green] Wow that's uh, juicy. Umm, y'know what though Mon, I actually do have a lot of work to do so if-if-are you sure there's just not anything else? [Monica Geller] Yes, I'm sure! Rachel is there something that you want to talk me about? [Rachel Green] No! If there was I wouldn't tell you. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, then what happened? [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You'll get your turn! [Ross Geller] Hey Pheebs, what's going on? [Phoebe Buffay] Nothing! This is not over! [Ross Geller] No! No! No! [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Ross Geller] I was up all night writing this really nasty letter to Emily! It was perfect and now it's all covered in-in... Actually, thanks! [Joey Tribbiani] All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies? [Ross Geller] Uh actually, I think I'm gonna skip it. [Joey Tribbiani] Really? [Ross Geller] Yeah, I'm gonna stay and read my book. I just wanna be alone right now. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh. Are you sure you don't want to come? Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, they get mail and stuff. [Ross Geller] That's okay, Joe. [Joey Tribbiani] All right, let's go Pheebs. [Ross Geller] Oh God! --------------------------------------- [Doug] Bing! [Kara] Oww!! [Monica Geller] Game! [Doug] Well, I gotta tell ya Bing; that partner of yours is a real tiger. Are you all right sweethart? [Kara] I'm not all right. [Doug] We're, we're just gonna get a little sip of water. [Monica Geller] Am I on fire today or what?! Those birds are browned, basted, and ready to be carved! [Chandler Bing] Okay, easy Martina. I think we should let them win the next game. [Monica Geller] I'm sorry, I don't understand what you just said. [Chandler Bing] Let them win one. [Monica Geller] Are you crazy?! We own those two! I mean look at 'um, he can't breath and she's popping pills. [Chandler Bing] You're not even giving them a chance! [Monica Geller] They have racquets don't they?! [Doug] Uh Bing, I think we're gonna make this the last game. [Chandler Bing] Oh yes, sir! Put me out of my misery. Are you sure you never played pro? Please let them win! [Monica Geller] I'll take it down to 95% but that's the best I can do. [Chandler Bing] Oopsey, missed it! [Monica Geller] I got it! [Doug] Nice shot. [Monica Geller] I got it!! [Chandler Bing] Long! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I can't believe you let them win! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, at least you hid your feelings well about it. [Monica Geller] I was frustrated. [Chandler Bing] It was my racquet. [Monica Geller] I was frustrated with you! [Chandler Bing] If we hadn't lost the game they never would've invented us to dinner tomorrow night. [Monica Geller] Y'know what really bothers me? Is-it's how-how different you act around them! I mean y'know the throwing the tennis games, the fake laugh, the "I'll see you around, Bing!" "Not if I see you first, Doug!" I gotta tell you, I don't like Work Chandler. Okay? The guy's a suck-up. [Chandler Bing] Okay y'know what, because you said that, I'm not putting out tonight. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I'm telling you, something's wrong! My brother does not stay out all night. [Joey Tribbiani] Maybe we should check the trash chute. [Rachel Green] Ross couldn't fit down the trash chute. [Joey Tribbiani] That's right, he almost could. Which is exactly how I got stuck there. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Rachel Green] There he is! [Monica Geller] Oh my God! Where the hell have you been?!! [Ross Geller] Just, y'know out. [Rachel Green] Ohh, out, oh God, I don't know why we didn't think to check there! [Phoebe Buffay] What were you doing? [Ross Geller] I uh, went to a bar. And then I just uh, just walked around for a while. [Rachel Green] You walked around all night in the city by yourself? [Joey Tribbiani] He hooked up! He hooked up with someone. [Ross Geller] Look, I don't have to answer your questions! Okay? I'm a big boy, I can do whatever I want! [Joey Tribbiani] He hooked up!! Tell us about her! [Janice Litman Goralnik] Ross you left you scarf in... Hey you guys. --------------------------------------- [Janice Litman Goralnik] Uh-oh-okay. Uh-oh-okay. I know what you all are thinking. But Chandler is in Yemen! I'm a young woman! I have needs! I can't wait forever! [Rachel Green] Yeah! No that's what I was thinking. [Janice Litman Goralnik] So I'm asking you please, take a moment before you judge me. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, nobody's judging you. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Oh! Okay! You, Mister Right Place at the Right Time, call me! [Ross Geller] Okay, look, I-I know what you guys are going to say... [Phoebe Buffay] You two will have very hairy children. [Ross Geller] Okay, I didn't know you would say that. [Rachel Green] Ross! Janice?! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, hold on! Hold on. Hold on. This is Ross, okay? He's our friend. He obviously went crazy. He obviously lost his mind. [Ross Geller] Look, I didn't lose my mind! Okay, Janice and I have a lot in common! We've-we've both been divorced. We-we both have kids. [Phoebe Buffay] So are you actually gonna see her again? [Joey Tribbiani] Phoebe! Don't put ideas in his head! [Ross Geller] I am gonna see her again. [Joey Tribbiani] Damnit Phoebe!! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Okay, I have to tell you something that I have never admitted during our entire friendship! But, when we were in high school I made out with James Farrell even when I knew that you liked him! Wow, that feels so good to get off my chest! Okay, you go! [Monica Geller] My turn? What-what are you talking about? [Rachel Green] Ugh, Monica, I know about you and Chandler. [Monica Geller] What?! [Rachel Green] I overheard you guys on the phone the other day, and you said, "I'll just tell Rachel that I'm doing laundry for a couple of hours." And he said, "Laundry? Is that my new nickname?" And you said, "No! You know what your nickname is, Mr. Big." [Monica Geller] Well. Sounds like you're writing yourself a little play there Rach. Wow! Let me know how that one turns out. [Rachel Green] Well, I wouldn't know because I got so freaked out that I hung up the phone. [Monica Geller] Well, if you had kept listening, you-you would have heard me call him Mr. Big......ot. [Rachel Green] What?! [Monica Geller] Mr. Bigot. He tells the most racist jokes. [Rachel Green] All right. So you're telling me that there is nothing going on between you and Chandler. [Monica Geller] Me and Chandler?! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] All right, put your 20 bucks down. First one to find the tasty treat wins. Okay? [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-hmm. [Joey Tribbiani] All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. And they're off! [Phoebe Buffay] Get your foot off my contestant! Judge! [Joey Tribbiani] Judge rules, no violation. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohhh. [Ross Geller] Hey guys! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! [Ross Geller] Y'know what? It sounds so weird to say this but, I just had a great day with Janice! [Joey Tribbiani] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] Are you serious?! [Ross Geller] Yeah! I opened up to her about all the terrible stuff that's been happening to me. I mean I talked for hours. It is amazing to have someone give you such-such focused attention. [Phoebe Buffay] You don't need Janice for that, you've got us. We... [Joey Tribbiani] And the duck gets the Nutter-Butter! [Phoebe Buffay] No!! Hey-hey that's not a Nutter-Butter, that's just an old Wonton! [Joey Tribbiani] Judge rules, Nutter-Butter. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, tough call. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. --------------------------------------- [Doug] But seriously, I believe that we should all support President Clinton. And her husband Bill. [Kara] So how do you kids like your coffee? [Monica Geller] Oh, none for me. Thanks. [Chandler Bing] Just a little bit of sugar. [Doug] Well, maybe I'll bring it out and have Monica stick her finger in it. That oughta sweeten it up, huh? [Monica Geller] How does that laugh not give you a headache? [Chandler Bing] Oh, you get used to it. [Monica Geller] Y'know, I-I-I don't think that I can. So if you don't mind, maybe this will be it for me on the work things. [Chandler Bing] So I laugh at my boss's jokes, what's the big deal? [Monica Geller] I'd rather hang out with a sniveling work weasel guy when I can be hanging out with my boyfriend who I actually respect. [Chandler Bing] Oh. [Doug] Uh, I gotta apologize for Kara's coffee. Y'know, I feel sorry for it if it ever got in a fight, it's not strong enough to defend itself. Did you hear what I said Bing? [Chandler Bing] What? [Doug] The joke Bing. What's the matter with you? [Chandler Bing] Well, I-I just didn't think it was funny sir. [Doug] Excuse me? [Chandler Bing] Well, I just... [Monica Geller] Honey, I just don't think that you understood the joke. [Chandler Bing] Really? [Monica Geller] Yeah! I mean it was really funny, I-I just don't think you got it. You see Kara's coffee is-is-is weak tasting, okay? But-but what Doug was-was imply that it was weak physically. You get it now honey? [Chandler Bing] I think I do! Thank you, Monica. [Monica Geller] I thought you could use the help. [Chandler Bing] Coffee in a fight! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Rach! Hey, you mind if I read my comic books in here? [Rachel Green] Sure! Why? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh well, Chandler and Monica are over there and it's kinda hard to concentrate. [Rachel Green] What?! She just called and said that she was gonna be working late! She keeps lying to me! That's it! Y'know what? I'm just gonna go over there and confront them right now! [Chandler Bing] All right, so you're telling me that I have to tell racist jokes now?! [Monica Geller] Sorry! I'm just-I'm not very good at this! I'm a terrible liar and I hate having to lie to Rachel! [Chandler Bing] But we're not ready to tell yet! [Monica Geller] I know! It's just that...ever since high school Rachel was the one person I told everything too. Y'know? I miss that so much now. She's my best friend. [Monica Geller] Joey?! Oh my God, Rachel! [Rachel Green] Hey! Hi! [Monica Geller] Wh-wh-what are you doing here? [Rachel Green] Well, I was actually-I-I came over here to-to borrow this lamp. To umm, look at my books, y'know, see them a little better. [Monica Geller] Okay great! [Rachel Green] Yeah! [Monica Geller] Great! Umm, well what-what I was doing in Chandler's room is that umm, I was cleaning it! In fact, he pays me to clean it! [Rachel Green] Oh! What a great way to earn some extra pocket money. [Monica Geller] Y'know when I said to you earlier that I was at work umm, I'm at my new work. [Rachel Green] That's good enough. Right? Okay, well umm, I'm gonna go look at my books! [Monica Geller] Okay. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Monica Geller] I'll get back to my new job. [Rachel Green] 'Kay. Congratulations on your new job. [Chandler Bing] Man, she is really gullible. --------------------------------------- [Gunther] Here you go. [Ross Geller] Thanks! [Janice Litman Goralnik] Actually, I should get going. [Ross Geller] Are you sure? Because I can stay out as late as you want. I told you how I'm on sabbatical from work, right? [Janice Litman Goralnik] Yes! Yes! You did! [Ross Geller] Oh... [Janice Litman Goralnik] What is wrong now?! [Ross Geller] This isn't what I ordered! Man! Can anything go right in my life?! First my marriage falls apart and then... [Janice Litman Goralnik] I know! I know! And then you lose your apartment! And then you lose your job! And then your ex-wife gets married so fast! And now the coffee-ahh!! Ross, we need to talk. [Ross Geller] Okay. Sometimes I feel... [Janice Litman Goralnik] No-no-no, no. I'm going to talk. I believe that the sun has set on our day in the sun. [Ross Geller] Huh? [Janice Litman Goralnik] You're a very sweet person Ross, umm, unfortunately I don't think I can take another second of you whining!! [Ross Geller] Let-let me make sure I'm hearing this right, you're ending this with me because I'm too whiney? So you're saying, I've become so whiney that I annoy you, Janice. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Well yeah!! [Ross Geller] OH...MY...GOD!! [Janice Litman Goralnik] Are you gonna be okay? [Ross Geller] I am now. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Umm, hi. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Oh hi! Well, I guess that's two out of three, Joey. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Dude, we got to talk. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Ross Geller] I just wanted to tell you something before you heard it from someone else and I hope this isn't too weird, but uh, I had uh, a thing with Janice. What you're-you're not mad? [Chandler Bing] Why would I be mad? [Ross Geller] Well, because y'know there are certain rules about this kind of stuff. You don't uh, you don't fool around with your uh, friend's ex-girlfriends or possible girlfriends or girls they're related to. [Chandler Bing] I am mad! But you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna forgive you! Because that's what friends do! They forgive their friends when they do everything you just said, all on the list there. Well, but I want you to remember that I forgave you. [Ross Geller] Okay. [Chandler Bing] I also want you to remember that I let you live here rent free! [Ross Geller] All right. [Chandler Bing] And, I want you to remember that I gave you twenty seven dollars. No strings attached. Now, if you can't remember that, I think we should write it down-let's write it down!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e12", "title": "The One With Chandler's Work Laugh"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Joey's Bag [Monica Geller] I can't believe we've never done this before! It's sooo good! So good for Monica! [Chandler Bing] Oh! Look at that, time's up! My turn! [Monica Geller] That was a half an hour? [Chandler Bing] It's your timer. [Monica Geller] Y'know, I don't like to brag about it, but I give the best massages! [Chandler Bing] All right, then massage me up right nice! [Chandler Bing] Ah! Ahh!! Ahh!! [Monica Geller] It's so good, isn't it? [Chandler Bing] It's so good I don't know what I've done to deserve it! [Monica Geller] Say good-bye to sore muscles! [Chandler Bing] Good-bye muscles!! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] I'm telling you, she gives the worst massages ever!! Okay, it was like she was torturing me for information. And I wanted to give it up I just-I didn't know what it was! [Joey Tribbiani] Chandler, if it really hurts that bad you should just tell her. [Chandler Bing] Look, for the first time in my life I'm in a real relationship. Okay, I'm not gonna screw that up by y'know, telling the truth. [Ross Geller] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa, dude, look out! You almost crushed my hat! [Ross Geller] Sorry. [Chandler Bing] And the bunny got away. [Ross Geller] This would be the place where you explain the hat. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh! Yeah, look there's this play all right? And I'm up for the part of this real cool like suave international guy. A real clothes horse. So I figure that everyone at the audition is gonna be wearing this kinda y'know, ultra-hip, high fashion stuff. [Chandler Bing] And you're gonna make them all disappear. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, like you could find something as sophisticated as this. [Chandler Bing] Done. [Rachel Green] Joey, if you wanna look good, why don't you just come down to the store? I'll help you out. [Joey Tribbiani] Great! Thanks, Rach! [Rachel Green] Sure! God, please take those off! [Joey Tribbiani] All right. [Ross Geller] Hey Pheebs, how's it going? [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! Umm, well, only okay because I just got back from, from the hospital. [Rachel Green] What? [Ross Geller] Is everything okay? [Joey Tribbiani] Are you all right? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah, no-no-no. I'm fine. I'm okay, but umm, my Grandma sorta died. [Joey Tribbiani] Pheebs! Sorry! [Phoebe Buffay] It's okay, I mean she had a really incredible life. And it's not like I'm never gonna see her again, y'know she's gonna visit. [Rachel Green] Well maybe, maybe she's with us right now? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, her first day on a new spiritual plane and she's gonna come to the coffeehouse! [Monica Geller] Guys! Guys! I just saw two people having sex in a car right outside. [Ross Geller] Uhh, Pheebs' Grandmother just died. [Monica Geller] Ohh my God, I'm so sorry. [Phoebe Buffay] It's okay. Actually y'know what, it's kinda cool. 'Cause it's like y'know, one life ends and another begins. [Monica Geller] Not the way they're doing it. What, what happened? How did she die? [Phoebe Buffay] Well umm, okay we were in the market and she bent down to get some yogurt and she just never came back up again. [Joey Tribbiani] Pheebs, I'm so sorry. [Phoebe Buffay] It was really sweet. The last thing she said to me was; "Okay dear, you go get the eggs and I'm gonna get the yogurt and we'll meet at the checkout counter." And y'know what? We will meet at the checkout counter. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Okay now Joey, y'know that since you're returning all of this stuff right after the audition you're gonna have to wear underwear? [Joey Tribbiani] All right, then you'd better show me some of that too then. [Rachel Green] Okay, it's missing something. Ooh, I know! Umm, okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Really? A purse? [Rachel Green] It's not a purse! It's a shoulder bag. [Joey Tribbiani] It looks like a women's purse. [Rachel Green] No Joey, look. Trust me, all the men are wearing them in the spring catalog. Look. See look, men, carrying the bag. [Joey Tribbiani] See look, women, carrying the bag. But it is odd how a women's purse looks good on me, a man. [Rachel Green] Exactly! Unisex! [Joey Tribbiani] Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago. [Rachel Green] No! No Joey! U-N-I-sex. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I ain't gonna say no to that. --------------------------------------- [Ursula Buffay] Who is it? [Phoebe Buffay] It's Phoebe. [Ursula Buffay] Oh great! Oh, you. Umm, what's up? [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, well I sorta have some bad news, can I come in? [Ursula Buffay] Umm, yeah-no thanks. [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, well, umm Grandma died. [Ursula Buffay] Wow! Didn't she die like five years ago? [Phoebe Buffay] No, she just died today! Okay, umm, we're having a memorial service tomorrow. [Ursula Buffay] Okay, I know that I went to that all ready. [Phoebe Buffay] No you didn't! [Ursula Buffay] Well, then who's been dead for five years? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, lots of people! Look, are you coming to memorial service or not? [Ursula Buffay] Umm, no. See I already thought she was dead so I kinda made my peace with it. Plus, I'm going to a concert tomorrow. So... I'd invite you, but umm, I only have two tickets left. [Phoebe Buffay] Fine. Okay, enjoy your concert. [Ursula Buffay] Thanks! Enjoy your funeral. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Wow! You look just like your son Mrs. Tribbiani! [Joey Tribbiani] What? Are you referring to my man's bag? At first, I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too. Check it out! It's got compartments for all your stuff! Your wallet! Your keys! Your address book! [Ross Geller] Your make-up! [Rachel Green] Joey, what are you doing with the bag? You're audition is not until tomorrow. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, but sandwich time is right now. [Rachel Green] Joey, y'know you get any mustard on that bag, you can't return it. [Joey Tribbiani] Why would I return it? I love this bag! [Rachel Green] All right, then you owe me $350. [Joey Tribbiani] Fine! Do you take Vasa or Mustercard? [Rachel Green] Joey... [Joey Tribbiani] All right relax, look I'll pay you with the money from the acting job I am definitely gonna get thanks to you. [Ross Geller] What's the part, Anti-man? [Rachel Green] Hey, don't listen to them. I think it's sexy. [Joey Tribbiani] U-N-I-sexy? --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Well hello, Mrs. Penella! Thank you so much for coming! Well, okay look, here's your umm, 3-D glasses and Reverend Pong will tell you when to put them on. [Rachel Green] Hi sweetie! [Ross Geller] Hey, how are you holding up? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Pheebs, I'm so sorry. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, y'know what? My Grandma had the exact same bag! [Joey Tribbiani] Here, I brought you some flowers. [Phoebe Buffay] Thanks! [Chandler Bing] Pulling flowers out it makes the bag look a lot more masculine. [Man] Oops, I'm sorry. Excuse me. Is this the umm, the memorial? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, welcome. [Man] Hello. Hello. [Phoebe Buffay] Umm here's your 3-D glasses. [Man] Oh, umm, all right. [Phoebe Buffay] So how did you know Francis? [Man] Well I actually, I-I really, I haven't seen her for years. But umm, well I-I was pretty tight with-with her and her daughter. [Phoebe Buffay] Really?! What's your name? [Man] Umm, Frank Buffay. [Frank Buffay Sr.] Y'know what? Strike that. My name uh, actually is-is Joe. Uh, Joe umm, Hill. [Phoebe Buffay] You're Frank Buffay? [Frank Buffay Sr.] Shh! No! Joe Hill! [Phoebe Buffay] You just said... [Frank Buffay Sr.] Y'know what, I gotta go. And thank you so much for coming. [Phoebe Buffay] But... [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! [Monica Geller] What?! What honey? [Ross Geller] What happened? [Phoebe Buffay] That was my dad! [Chandler Bing] Oh my God! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey you guys, check it out. Check it out. It's like it's coming right at me. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Oh, did you catch him?! [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh. [Ross Geller] Wh-what did he say?! [Phoebe Buffay] He said, "Nice to meet you Glenda." Well, obviously I couldn't give him my real name? [Rachel Green] Why?! Why not?! [Phoebe Buffay] Come on, you saw the way he ran out of here! What do you think? He's gonna stick around and talk to the daughter he abandoned! [Joey Tribbiani] What did you say to him? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I said, I told him y'know, that I was the executor person of Francis' will and that I needed to talk to him so I'm gonna meet him at the coffee house later. [The Pastor] Could everyone please take their seats? [Phoebe Buffay] All right, well, I just can't think about that right now. I just wanna say good-bye to my Grandma. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Monica Geller] All right, let's go say good-bye. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! I'm off to my audition. How do I look? [Rachel Green] Ahhh, I think you look great! That bag is gonna get you that part. [Chandler Bing] And a date with a man! [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know what? Make fun all you want. This is a great bag! Okay? And it's as handy as it is becoming. Now, just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it wrong. All right? So from now on you guys are gonna have to get used to the fact that Joey, comes with a bag! [Phoebe Buffay] All right, I'd better go too. I have to go talk to my dad. [Rachel Green] Ooh, Pheebs, what are you gonna say? Are you gonna tell him who you are? [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, no, not at first 'cause I-I don't want to freak him out [Ross Geller] Well, but aren't you pissed at him?! I mean this guy abandoned you! I gotta tell you if this were me, this guy would be in some serious physical danger! I mean I-I-I'd walk in there and I'd be like, "Yo, dad! You and me outside right now!" I kinda scared myself. [Monica Geller] Well, at least you scared someone. [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know it's funny, you'd think I'd be angry. I mean, you'd think I'd wanna rip his tiny little head off. Fortunately, I'm past it. [Monica Geller] Phoebe, you do seem a little tense. Here, let me help you. [Phoebe Buffay] All right. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Get off!! Ow!! Oh, stop it!! Why?! Why are you doing that to me?! [Monica Geller] What are you talking about? [Phoebe Buffay] As a masseuse and a human, I'm begging you, never do that to anyone! [Monica Geller] I give good massages! I used to give them to Rachel all the time before she got allergic! And-and-and Chandler loves them! Watch! [Phoebe Buffay] He-he does not like it! He hates it! He's in pain! [Monica Geller] No he's not! [Chandler Bing] Yes, he is! [Monica Geller] What?! [Chandler Bing] I'm sorry but, ow-owww-owww! [Monica Geller] You've been lying to me? I can't believe you'd do that. [Ross Geller] Well, maybe he just didn't want to hurt your feelings. [Monica Geller] But the minute we start to lie to each other... And by 'we' I mean society. --------------------------------------- [The Casting Director] Any time you're ready, Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, you must be new here. Why don't we get a table and I'll buy you a drink. [The Casting Director] I'm sorry. Could you, could you try it without the purse? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, sure. Well, you must be new here. Maybe we should-I'm sorry, can I ask you something? [The Casting Director] Sure. What? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, first it's not a purse. [The Casting Director] Okay, anytime. [Joey Tribbiani] I mean if-if you're thinking it's a woman's bag, it's not. It's a man's bag! [The Casting Director] Okayyyy! Anddd, go! [Joey Tribbiani] All right look, let me show you the catalog! See? Huh? It's the latest thing! Everyone's got one! Men! Women! Children! Everyone's carrying them! [The Casting Director] Umm, do you sell these bags? [Joey Tribbiani] Noooo. No-no-no, these babies sell themselves. [The Casting Director] Okay! Thank you! That was great! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah but I didn't read anything. [The Casting Director] I think we've seen enough! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay! All right, I'll see ya. We got it! We got it! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey, is Rachel here? [Monica Geller] No. [Chandler Bing] Listen, I just wanted to apologize about this afternoon and the whole massage thing. Y'know? I-I really like 'em. [Monica Geller] Oh, please, stop! Look, we're supposed to be honest with each other. I-I just wish you could tell me-just say, "I don't like your massages." [Chandler Bing] I don't like your massages. [Monica Geller] See? It's no big deal. [Chandler Bing] Okay, but now see you're crying! [Monica Geller] I'm not crying about that! I'm crying about something that happened at work. [Chandler Bing] What? [Monica Geller] My boyfriend said he didn't like my massages. [Chandler Bing] It's okay, you don't have to be the best at everything. [Monica Geller] Oh my God! You don't know me at all! [Chandler Bing] Okay, you give the worst massages in the world. [Monica Geller] I'm crying here!! [Chandler Bing] Okay, hear me out. Okay? You give the best bad massages. If anybody was looking for the best bad massage and they were thinking to themselves, "Who's the best of that?" They'd have to go to you. [Monica Geller] Huh. So you're saying like umm, if there was an award for the best bad massage, well who would get that? [Chandler Bing] Oh, it would be you! You! Monica! And you'd get all the votes! [Monica Geller] So maybe they could umm, call the award the Monica? [Chandler Bing] Absolutely! [Monica Geller] Okay. I suck! [Chandler Bing] Yeah! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, thank you for meeting with me. [Frank Buffay Sr.] Thank you. All right. [Phoebe Buffay] Come, sit. Sit. Sit! Umm, all righty, before we get started I just-I need you to state for the official record that you are in fact Frank Buffay. [Frank Buffay Sr.] Oh yes. Yes, yes, I am, uh-hmm. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Frank Buffay Sr.] So, what did Francis leave me? [Phoebe Buffay] Huh? [Frank Buffay Sr.] Well, that's why you wanted me to come, right? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yes. Yes. Yeah-no. She did. She left you umm, this lipstick. [Frank Buffay Sr.] Oh. Huh. It's huh, well it's oh it's-ew used. Umm, cool. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. I have just a few questions to ask so I'm going to get out my official forms. Okay, so, question 1) You and uh, you were married to Francis' daughter Lilly, is that correct? [Frank Buffay Sr.] Yes, yes I was. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, umm, question 2) Umm, did that marriage end A. Happily, B. Medium, or C. In the total abandonment of her and her two children? [Frank Buffay Sr.] It really says that?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. See? [Frank Buffay Sr.] Well then I guess then I-I would I would have to say C. [Phoebe Buffay] Hmm, okay, total abandonment. Okay, reasons for abandonment, A. Top secret government work, B. Amnesia, or C. Or you're just a selfish, irresponsible bad, bad man? [Frank Buffay Sr.] Y'know, I don't think I want the lipstick that much. But umm... Oh, would you do me a favor? And umm, would you, would you give Lilly that, please? [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Frank Buffay Sr.] Well Lilly, when you see Lilly would you give her that, that note? Because I wanted to talk to her at the memorial but, well I pictured her getting mad at me the way you got mad at me and I well, I chickened out. So, uh, I wrote her that note, would you give it to her please? [Phoebe Buffay] But you-you-you came to see Lilly? [Frank Buffay Sr.] Yeah, yeah. Why? [Phoebe Buffay] Lilly's dead. [Frank Buffay Sr.] She what?! [Phoebe Buffay] She's dead. [Frank Buffay Sr.] Are you sure? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, if she isn't then cremating her was a big mistake. [Frank Buffay Sr.] I can't believe this. I just-I can't believe this. How-how-Oh my God. How long ago? [Phoebe Buffay] 17 years ago. [Frank Buffay Sr.] Oh! What about, what about the girls? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, Ursula is a waitress and-and she lives in Soho. And Phoebe, is on this couch. [Phoebe Buffay] Yep, lipstick and a daughter, big day for you! [Frank Buffay Sr.] Phoebe, I-I-I-umm, Oops. I just, I-I-I-I don't, I don't know what to say. I just can't believe that you're my daughter, you're so pretty. [Phoebe Buffay] Yes. Well, that's neither here nor there. [Frank Buffay Sr.] So would it, would it make you feel better if I said I was very, very sorry that I left? [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know what, it doesn't matter what you say it's not gonna make a difference anyway, so you can just go. [Frank Buffay Sr.] All right. Well, y'know in my defense I was a lousy father. [Phoebe Buffay] That's a defense? [Frank Buffay Sr.] Yes. Yes it is. I burned the formula and I put your diapers on backwards. I mean, I made up a song to sing you to sleep, but that made you cry even more! [Phoebe Buffay] You make up songs? [Frank Buffay Sr.] Well no, just-just that one. But, it was stupid. Let's see, how did it, how did it go. Umm. [Frank Buffay Sr.] I just, I y'know, I'm not very good at this. So, umm... [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I am. [Phoebe Buffay] Not yet, no. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hi. [#ALL#] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey man, how did the audition go? [Joey Tribbiani] Estelle said I didn't get it. [Rachel Green] What?! Why? Joey you were so ready for it! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I thought so too but, she said the casting people had some problems with me. [Ross Geller] What kind of problem? [Joey Tribbiani] Well to tell you the truth, they uh, they had a problem with the bag! [Chandler Bing] Oh my God! [Ross Geller] Nooooo! [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know what? It was a stupid play anyway! [Monica Geller] Y'know, Joey, I think it's time to give up the bag. [Joey Tribbiani] I don't wanna give up the bag. I don't have to give up the bag! Do I Rach? Oh, you think I should give up the bag! [Rachel Green] Honey wait, Joey, I'm sorry I mean as terrific as I think you are with it... [Chandler Bing] Oh, hey! [Rachel Green] ...I just don't know if the world is ready for you and your bag. [Joey Tribbiani] I can't believe I'm hearing this! [Rachel Green] Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I'm not saying that you shouldn't have a bag, I just-it's just there are other bags that are a little less umm, controversial. [Chandler Bing] Yeah umm, they're called wallets.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e13", "title": "The One With Joey's Bag"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Everybody Finds Out [Phoebe Buffay] Oh hey, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy is putting stuff in boxes! [Rachel Green] I'd say from the looks of it; our naked buddy is moving. [Ross Geller] Ironically, most of the boxes seem to be labeled clothes. [Rachel Green] Ohh, I'm gonna miss that big old squishy butt. [Chandler Bing] And we're done with the chicken fried rice. [Ross Geller] Hey! Hey! If he's moving, maybe I should try to get his place! [#ALL#] Good idea! Yes! [Ross Geller] It would be so cool to live across from you guys! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, yeah! Then we could do that telephone thing! Y'know, you have a can, we have a can and it's connected by a string! [Chandler Bing] Or we can do the actual telephone thing. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Oh my God! I love this apartment! Isn't it perfect?! I can't believe I never realized how great it is! [Rachel Green] Well that is because your eye immediately goes to the big naked man. [Phoebe Buffay] It's amazing! You better hurry up and fill out an application or I'm gonna beat you to it. [Ross Geller] Ohh. [Rachel Green] Well, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm gonna go use Ugly Naked Guy's bathroom. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!! [Rachel Green] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] Ahhh!! Chandler and Monica!! Chandler and Monica!! [Rachel Green] Oh my God! [Phoebe Buffay] CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!! [Rachel Green] OH MY GOD!!! [Phoebe Buffay] OH!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!! [Rachel Green] Phoebe!! Phoebe!! It's okay!! It's okay!! [Phoebe Buffay] NO! THEY'RE DOING IT!!! [Rachel Green] I KNOW!! I KNOW!! I KNOW! [Phoebe Buffay] YOU KNOW?!!! [Rachel Green] Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know so you have to stop screaming!! [Ross Geller] What's going on? [Phoebe Buffay] Ohhh!!! [Rachel Green] HI!! Hi! [Ross Geller] What?! What?! [Rachel Green] Nothing! Oh God, we're just so excited that you want to get this apartment! [Ross Geller] Actually, it looks really good. [Phoebe Buffay] Get in here!!! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] You mean whenever Monica and Chandler where like y'know doing laundry or going grocery shopping or-Oh! All that time Monica spent on the phone with sad Linda from camp! [Rachel Green] Uh-huh, doing it. Doing it. Phone doing it. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Oh, I can't believe it! I mean I think it's great! For him. She might be able to do better. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey guys! [Rachel Green] Joey! Come here! Come here! [Joey Tribbiani] What? What? [Rachel Green] Phoebe just found out about Monica and Chandler. [Joey Tribbiani] You mean how they're friends and nothing more? [Rachel Green] No. Joey, she knows! We were at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment and we saw them doing it through the window. Actually, we saw them doing it up against the window. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, so now they know that you know and they don't know that Rachel knows? [Joey Tribbiani] Yes, but y'know what? It doesn't matter who knows what. Now, enough of us know that we can just tell them that we know! Then all the lying and the secrets would finally be over! [Phoebe Buffay] Or, we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own. [Rachel Green] Wh-what do you mean? [Phoebe Buffay] Well y'know every time that they say that like they're doing laundry we'll just give them a bunch of laundry to do. [Rachel Green] Ohhh, I-I would enjoy that! [Joey Tribbiani] No-no-no! No-no wait Rach, you know what would even be more fun? Telling them. [Rachel Green] Ehhh, no, I wanna do Phoebe's thing. [Joey Tribbiani] I can't take any... [Phoebe Buffay] No! You don't have to do anything! Just don't tell them that we know! [Joey Tribbiani] Noo! I can't take any more secrets! I've got your secrets. I've got their secrets. I got secrets of my own y'know! [Rachel Green] You don't have any secrets! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah? Well, you don't know about Hugsy, my bedtime penguin pal. [Rachel Green] So umm, how-how are we gonna mess with them? [Joey Tribbiani] Ugh. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, you could use your position y'know as the roommate. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] And then. I would use y'know the strongest tool at my disposal. My sexuality. [Chandler Bing] Hello children! [#ALL#] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, watch, learn, and don't eat my cookie. [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! Ooh, wow that jacket looks great on you! [Chandler Bing] Really? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah the material feels so soft-hello Mr. Bicep! Have you been working out? [Chandler Bing] Well, I try to y'know, squeeze things. Are you okay? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, if you really wanna know, I'm-Oh! I can't tell you this. [Chandler Bing] Phoebe, it's me. You can tell me anything. [Phoebe Buffay] Well actually you're the one person I can't tell this too. And the one person I want to the most. [Chandler Bing] What's going on? [Phoebe Buffay] I think it's just y'know that I haven't been with a guy in so long and how sometimes you're looking for something and you just don't even see that it's right there in front of you sipping coffee-Oh no, have I said to much? Well it's just something to think about. I know I will. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] You are so cute! How did you get to be so cute? [Chandler Bing] Well, my Grandfather was Swedish and my Grandmother was actually a tiny little bunny. [Monica Geller] Okay, now you're even cuter!! [Chandler Bing] Y'know that is a popular opinion today I must say. [Monica Geller] What? [Chandler Bing] The weirdest thing happened at the coffee house, I think, I think Phoebe was hitting on me. [Monica Geller] What are you talking about? [Chandler Bing] I'm telling you I think Phoebe thinks I'm foxy. [Monica Geller] That's not possible! [Chandler Bing] Ow! [Monica Geller] I'm sorry it's just, Phoebe just always thought you were, you were charming in a, in a sexless kind of way. [Chandler Bing] Oh, y'know I-I can't hear that enough. [Monica Geller] I'm sorry, I think that you just misunderstood her. [Chandler Bing] No, I didn't misunderstand, okay? She was all over me! She touched my bicep for crying out loud! [Monica Geller] This bicep? [Chandler Bing] Well it's not flexed right now! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey Mon, what are you doing now? Wanna come see a movie with us? [Monica Geller] Uhh, y'know actually I was gonna do some laundry. [Rachel Green] Oh. [Monica Geller] Hey Chandler, wanna do it with me? [Chandler Bing] Sure, I'll do it with ya. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Rachel Green] Okay great, hold on a sec! Oh, here you go! You don't mind do ya? That would really help me out a lot! Thanks! [Monica Geller] I mean I-I don't I think I have enough quarters. [Phoebe Buffay] I have quarters! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey Ross! Any word on the apartment yet? [Ross Geller] Well, I called over there and it turns out Ugly Naked Guy is subletting it himself and he's already had like a hundred applicants. [Rachel Green] Oh. [Ross Geller] No-no, I got the edge. I know it's not exactly ethical but I sent him a little bribe to [Monica Geller] Oh, is it that pinball machine with the big bow on it? [Ross Geller] No. [Chandler Bing] That new mountain bike? [Ross Geller] No. [Monica Geller] Well what did you send? [Ross Geller] A basket of mini-muffins. [Phoebe Buffay] But there's a whole table of mini-muffin baskets. Which one did you send? [Ross Geller] The small one. [Rachel Green] What?! You-you actually thought that basket was gonna get you the apartment? [Ross Geller] Well yeah! Someone sent us a basket at work once and people went crazy over those little muffins. It was the best day. [Chandler Bing] Your work makes me sad. [Ross Geller] Oh man! I want that place so much!! I was so sure that was gonna work! There's twelve bucks I'll never see again! [Rachel Green] All right honey, we'd better go if we wanna catch that movie. [Monica Geller] Bye! [#ALL#] Bye! [Phoebe Buffay] Bye Chandler! I miss you already. [Chandler Bing] Okay, did you see that?! With the inappropriate and the pinching!! [Monica Geller] Actually, I did! [Chandler Bing] Okay, so now do you believe that she's attracted to me? [Monica Geller] Ohhh, oh my God! Oh my God! She knows about us! [Chandler Bing] Are you serious? [Monica Geller] Phoebe knows and she's just trying to freak us out! That's the only explanation for it! [Chandler Bing] Okay but what about y'know my pinchable butt and my bulging biceps-She knows! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah? [Chandler Bing] Phoebe knows about us! [Joey Tribbiani] Well I didn't tell them! [Monica Geller] Them?! Who's them? [Joey Tribbiani] Uhhh, Phoebe and Joey. [Monica Geller] Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] And Rachel. I would've told you but they made me promise not to tell! [Chandler Bing] Oh man! [Joey Tribbiani] I'm sorry! But hey, it's over now, right? Because you can tell them that you know they know and I can go back to knowing absolutely nothing! [Monica Geller] Unless... [Joey Tribbiani] No! Not unless! Look this must end now! [Monica Geller] Oh man, they think they are so slick messing with us! But see they don't know that we know that they know! So... [Chandler Bing] Ahh yes, the messers become the messies! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Noooo. [Rachel Green] Oh Ross, honey you gotta stop torturing yourself! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, why don't you just find another apartment? [Ross Geller] Look I've already looked at like a thousand apartments this month and none of them even compares to that one! [Rachel Green] Y'know what you should do? [Ross Geller] Huh? [Rachel Green] You should find out what his hobbies are and then use that to bond with him. Yeah! Like if I would strike up a conversation about say umm, sandwiches. Or uh, or my underwear. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm listening. [Rachel Green] See? [Ross Geller] That is a great idea! And! I know Ugly Naked Guy because we've been watching him for like five years so that gives me back my edge! Oh, let's see now he had the trampoline. [Phoebe Buffay] He broke that. [Ross Geller] Well, he had gravity boots. [Rachel Green] Yeah, he broke those too. [Joey Tribbiani] So he likes to break stuff. [Ross Geller] Okay, I've got to go pick up Ben but I-I will figure something out. Hey, didn't he used to have a cat? [Phoebe Buffay] I wouldn't bring that up, it would probably just bum him out. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, poor cat, never saw that big butt coming. [Ross Geller] Right. [Rachel Green] Hello! Oh yeah! Hey! Hold on a second she's right here! It's Chandler. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh? Hello you. [Chandler Bing] Hello Phoebe, I've been thinking about you all day. [Phoebe Buffay] Eh? [Chandler Bing] Well you know that thing you said before, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued. [Phoebe Buffay] Really? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, listen, Joey isn't gonna be here tonight so why don't you come over and I'll let you uh, feel my bicep. Or maybe more. [Phoebe Buffay] I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye! Oh my God! He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more! [Rachel Green] Are you kidding?! [Phoebe Buffay] No! [Rachel Green] I can not believe he would do that to Mon-Whoa! Joey, do they know that we know? [Joey Tribbiani] No. [Rachel Green] Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] They know you know. [Rachel Green] Ugh, I knew it! Oh I cannot believe those two! [Phoebe Buffay] God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! Joey, you can't say anything! [Joey Tribbiani] I couldn't even if I wanted too. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Good evening, sir. My name is Ross Geller. I'm one of the people who applied for the apartment. And I-I realize that the competition is fierce but-I'm sorry. I, I can't help but notice you're naked and I applaud you. Man, I wish I was naked. I mean, this-this looks so great. That is how God intended it. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] All right. All right! If he wants a date? He's gonna get a date. All right, I'm gonna go in. [Rachel Green] All right. Be sexy. [Phoebe Buffay] Please. [Phoebe Buffay] So Chandler, I-I'd love to come by tonight. [Chandler Bing] Really? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh absolutely. Shall we say, around seven? [Chandler Bing] Yes. [Phoebe Buffay] Good. I'm really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey, check it out! Check it out! Ugly Naked Guy has a naked friend! [Rachel Green] Oh yeah! Oh my God! That is our friend! It's Naked Ross! [#ALL#] Yeah, it is! Naked Ross!! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Show time! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, Rachel, get me perfume! [Rachel Green] Okay! [Phoebe Buffay] And Joey, get me a bottle of wine and glasses? [Monica Geller] All right, it'll be great! You just make her think you wanna have sex with her! It'll totally freak her out! [Chandler Bing] Okay, listen, how far am I gonna have to go with her? [Monica Geller] Relax, she-she's gonna give in way before you do! [Chandler Bing] How do you know?! [Monica Geller] Because you're on my team! And my team always wins! [Chandler Bing] At this?! [Monica Geller] Just go get some! Go! [Rachel Green] Okay honey, now I'm gonna try to listen from right here! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Rachel Green] Okay? Whoa, wait! [Phoebe Buffay] Good idea! [Rachel Green] Yeah, oh wait! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh now, don't give away the farm! [Chandler Bing] Phoebe. [Phoebe Buffay] Chandler. [Chandler Bing] Come on in. [Phoebe Buffay] I was going too. Umm, I brought some wine. Would you like some? [Chandler Bing] Sure. [Phoebe Buffay] So, here we are. Nervous? [Chandler Bing] Me? No. You? [Phoebe Buffay] No, I want this to happen. [Chandler Bing] So do I. [Chandler Bing] I'm gonna put on some music. [Phoebe Buffay] Maybe, maybe I'll dance for you. [Chandler Bing] You look good. [Phoebe Buffay] Thanks! Y'know, that when you say things like that it makes me wanna rip that sweater vest right off! [Chandler Bing] Well, why don't we move this into the bedroom? [Phoebe Buffay] Really? [Chandler Bing] Oh, do you not want to? [Phoebe Buffay] No. No! It's just y'know first, I wanna take off all my clothes and have you rub lotion on me. [Chandler Bing] Well that would be nice. I'll go get the lotion. [Chandler Bing] Listen, this is totally getting out of hand! Okay? She wants me to put lotion on her! [Monica Geller] She's bluffing! [Chandler Bing] Look, she's not backing down! She went like this! [Phoebe Buffay] He's not backing down. He went to get lotion. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?! I wanna sit in my chair! [Rachel Green] Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open. [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh! [Rachel Green] Okay! [Joey Tribbiani] I like that! Oh, okay! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras! Can't work 'em! [Phoebe Buffay] Joey! Wow, you didn't rip off any buttons. [Joey Tribbiani] It's not my first time. [Monica Geller] You go back out there and you seduce her till she cracks! [Chandler Bing] Okay, give me a second! Did you clean up in here? [Monica Geller] Of course. [Chandler Bing] Oh, you're-you're going? [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, not without you, lover. So, this is my bra. [Chandler Bing] It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very were gonna be having all the sex. [Phoebe Buffay] You should be. I'm very bendy. I'm gonna kiss you now. [Chandler Bing] Not if I kiss you first. [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh. [Chandler Bing] Well, I guess there's nothing left for us to do but-but kiss. [Phoebe Buffay] Here it comes. Our first kiss. [Chandler Bing] Okay! Okay! Okay! You win! You win!! I can't have sex with ya! [Phoebe Buffay] And why not?! [Chandler Bing] Because I'm in love with Monica!! [Phoebe Buffay] You're-you're what?! [Chandler Bing] Love her! That's right, I...LOVE...HER!!! I love her!! I love you, Monica. [Monica Geller] I love you too Chandler. [Phoebe Buffay] I just-I thought you guys were doing it, I didn't know you were in love! [Joey Tribbiani] Dude! [Chandler Bing] And hats off to Phoebe. Quite a competitor. And might I say your breasts are still showing. [Phoebe Buffay] God! [Joey Tribbiani] All right! So that's it! It's over! Everybody knows! [Monica Geller] Well actually, Ross doesn't. [Chandler Bing] Yes, and we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] A new place for a new Ross. I'm gonna have you and all the guys from work over once it's y'know, furnished. [Dr. Ledbetter] I must say it's nice to see you back on your feet. [Ross Geller] Well I am that. And that whole rage thing is definitely behind me. [Dr. Ledbetter] I wonder if its time for you to rejoin our team at the museum? [Ross Geller] Oh Donald that-that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to work. I-What? No! Wh... What are you doing?!! GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e14", "title": "The One Where Everybody Finds Out"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Girl Who Hits Joey [Ross Geller] Chandler!!! Chandler!!! Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here! [Chandler Bing] Wow! Listen, we had a good run. What was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! [Monica Geller] What are you doing?! [Chandler Bing] Oh, I'm going on the lamb. [Monica Geller] Come on Chandler, come on, I can handle Ross. Hold on! Hey Ross. What's up bro? [Ross Geller] What the hell are doing?!! [Rachel Green] Hey, what's-what's going on?! [Chandler Bing] Well, I think, I think Ross knows about me and Monica. [Joey Tribbiani] Dude! He's right there! [Ross Geller] I thought you were my best friend, this is my sister! My best friend and my sister! I-I cannot believe this! [Chandler Bing] Look, we're not just messing around! I love her. Okay, I'm in love with her. [Monica Geller] I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way. I'm sorry, but it's true, I love him too. [Ross Geller] My best friend and my sister! I cannot believe this. You guys probably wanna get some hugs in too, huh? Big news! [Rachel Green] Awww, no, it's okay, we've actually known for a while. [Ross Geller] What? What? What?! You guys knew? You all knew and you didn't tell me?!! [Rachel Green] Well, Ross, we were worried about you. We didn't know how you were going to react. [Ross Geller] You were worried about me? You didn't know how I was going to react? [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, all right, whew! What do you say we all clear out of here and let these two lovebirds get back down to business? Hey-hey-hey, I-I-I'm just talking here, he-he's the one doing your sister. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey, you know what I just realized? If you guys ever have kids... [Chandler Bing] Whoa-whoa-whoa! We're having kids?! [Joey Tribbiani] I call Godfather! [Ross Geller] You can't just call Godfather. Don't you think her brother should be Godfather? [Joey Tribbiani] Sure, if you cared enough to call it first. [Monica Geller] Guys, you're a few steps ahead of us. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, big zero gravity moon steps. [Rachel Green] Oh! Oh, I just thought of the greatest wedding gift to get you. [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, I'll go in on that with you! I couldn't think of anything. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, hey Katie! Everyone, this is Katie. [Katie] Hi! [#ALL#] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] So, are you ready to go? [Katie] Yeah, I just gotta run to the bathroom. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh sure, right back there. [Katie] Hey, where are we going to lunch? [Joey Tribbiani] I was thinking Chinese food. [Katie] Ohh, I love Chinese! How did you know I love Chinese?! [Rachel Green] She is so cute! You could fit her right in your little pocket! [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know. I mean I like her a lot, and she's really nice, but... [Monica Geller] But what? [Joey Tribbiani] She keeps punching me. [Monica Geller] In that cute, little, sweet way she just did? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, it's a lot harder than it looks! Okay? She-she-she's hurting me. [Monica Geller] I know what you need, you need a bodyguard. Hey Ross, what is Ben doing after preschool? [Chandler Bing] Hey listen, come on, Joey is having a problem! A little girl is beating him up. [Rachel Green] Aww, Joey, come here. Look honey, I know this must be really, really difficult for you and I--Oh, I'm sorry. Am I hurting you? --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! I brought you some house warming gifts. [Ross Geller] Aww. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. Salt, so your life always has flavor. [Ross Geller] Huh. [Phoebe Buffay] Bread, so you never go hungry. [Ross Geller] Ohh. [Phoebe Buffay] And a scented candle for the bathroom, because well, y'know. [Ross Geller] Thanks. Thanks. And thanks again. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! [Guy] Hi! [Ross Geller] Hi! [Guy] Welcome to the building. I'm uh, Steve Sarah; I'm president of the tenants committee. [Ross Geller] Oh hi! Ross Geller. And this is my friend Phoebe. [Steve Cera] Oh hi Phoebe. [Phoebe Buffay] Mr. President. [Steve Cera] I came to talk to you about Howard. [Ross Geller] Howard? [Steve Cera] Yeah, he's the handy man. He's gonna be retiring next week and everyone who lives here is kicking in a 100 bucks as a thank you for all the hard work type of thing. [Ross Geller] Oh that's nice. [Steve Cera] Yeah. So, do you want to give a check? Or... [Ross Geller] Oh. Uhh... [Steve Cera] Oh look, you don't have to give it too me right now! You can slip it under my door. [Ross Geller] No-no, it's not that, it's just... I-I just moved in. [Steve Cera] Well, the guy's worked here for 25 years. [Ross Geller] Yes, but I've lived here for 25 minutes. [Steve Cera] Oh, okay, I get it. [Ross Geller] No wait, look. Look! I'm sorry, it's just I've never even met Howard. I-I mean I don't know Howard. [Steve Cera] Howard's the handy man! [Ross Geller] Yes but too me he's just, man. [Steve Cera] Okay, fine, whatever. Welcome to the building. [Ross Geller] Ugh, can you believe that guy! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. I really like his glasses. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] ...so then President Steve told everyone that I was a cheapskate, and now the whole building hates me! A little kid spit on my knee! Y'know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna throw a party. That's right. For everyone in the building, and I'm gonna sit them down and explain to them, I am not a bad guy. I am not a cheap guy! I'm just a guy who-who stands up for what he believes in. A man with principles. [Chandler Bing] Sounds like a fun party. [Rachel Green] Hmm. Look, Ross, if you want your neighbors to like you, why don't you just pay the hundred bucks? The party's gonna cost you way more than that. [Ross Geller] It doesn't matter! It's my principles! We're talking about my principles! [Rachel Green] Okay, I thought it was about your neighbors liking you. [Ross Geller] Oh, they'll like me. Once they come to my awesome PAR-TAY! Okay, I gotta run. I gotta go get some nametags. [Rachel Green] And that crazy party animal will be your brother-in-law. [Chandler Bing] Very, very funny, but don't say things like that in front of Monica. I don't want you putting any ideas in her head. [Rachel Green] Umm, Chandler, you do realize that those ideas are probably already in Monica's head. [Chandler Bing] Wh-wh-why?! [Rachel Green] Well, because she loves you and because you love her. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, so, what's that supposed to mean?! [Rachel Green] Hey, Chandler, don't freak out! I'm telling you something you already know! Come on, she broke up with Richard because he didn't want to have babies. And she's a woman, and she's almost 30, and y'know it's Monica. [Chandler Bing] I don't see it that way. Okay? Because, I see two Monicas, the one that was my friend, who lived across the hall, and wanted to have a lot of babies and then the new Monica, who I just started to date. Now, who's to say what she wants?! I'm right. I'm right. Am I right? [Rachel Green] No, you're right, you are absolutely right. I mean that makes, that makes everything different. [Chandler Bing] Okay. It's not different at all, is it? [Rachel Green] Not unless different means the same. --------------------------------------- [Katie] You were so funny with that waiter! You're such a nut! [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know, breadstick fangs are always funny. [Katie] No, you make them funny. You're the funny one! [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh, look Katie, uh listen, we-we need to talk. Okay? Umm, look I like you. I-I really do, I like you a lot. Okay? But sometimes when you, when you playfully punch me like that it-it feels like someone's hitting me with a very tiny but very real bat. [Katie] Aww, like I could hurt you. Are you making fun of my size? Don't make fun of me because of my size! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Isn't this great? [Chandler Bing] Hmm. [Monica Geller] Couldn't you just stay like this forever? Chandler! Couldn't you just stay here forever? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, here, somewhere else, y'know where-where ever. [Monica Geller] Are you okay? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I'm cool. Casual. [Monica Geller] What-what are you doing? [Chandler Bing] I'm just hanging out. Y'know, having fun. Y'know with the girl that I'm seeing casually. [Monica Geller] Man, I knew it! I knew you were going to do this!! [Chandler Bing] What?! [Monica Geller] Get all freaked out because everybody was talking and just joking around about marriage and stuff. [Chandler Bing] Well, you do want all that stuff, right? [Monica Geller] Oh and you know what I want! [Chandler Bing] Yes! You want babies! You have baby fever! [Monica Geller] I do not have baby fever! [Chandler Bing] Oh please, you are obsessed with babies and-and marriage and everything that's related to babies and-and marriage! I've got an idea, why don't we turn down the heat on this pressure cooker?! [Monica Geller] Have you lost your mind? Chandler, this isn't about me! This is about you and all your weird relationship commitment crap! [Chandler Bing] Nah-uh! I know you! Okay? I know the thoughts that you have in the head--in your head! [Monica Geller] You don't know everything. Did you know that I'm going out with Rachel tonight instead of you? Hmm? And did you know that the only baby around here is you?! And did you know that I can't even look at you right now?! [Chandler Bing] Well, I did not know that. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] It's gonna be okay, right? I mean she's not gonna leave me? This is, this is fixable. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah, yeah, sure. Absolutely. [Chandler Bing] By me? [Ross Geller] Oh, no! [Joey Tribbiani] No-no. [Ross Geller] Well, unless you make some kind of big gesture. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, big! [Joey Tribbiani] Uh-oh, shht! The Misses. [Monica Geller] Gunther, can I get a coffee to go? [Chandler Bing] Monica. [Monica Geller] I'm still not done not wanting to talk to you. [Chandler Bing] Just tell me what I need to do to make things right. [Monica Geller] What?! [Chandler Bing] Well, that's what we do. Y'know, I-I mess up and then you tell me how to fix it and then I do and then y'know you think I'm all cute again. [Monica Geller] Really? I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor. You're gonna have to figure this one for yourself. All right? Y'know what? If you're too afraid to be in a real relationship, then don't be in one. --------------------------------------- [Party Guests] Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Yay!! [Ross Geller] Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, hi Ross! [Ross Geller] What are you doing? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I thought this was your party and it turns out it's a party for Howard. He's just the sweetest little man! [Guest #1] See ya Phoebe! Oh and hey, thanks for chipping in! [Ross Geller] You chipped in?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, uh-huh, a 100 dollars. [Ross Geller] Phoebe! I can't believe you gave them money! I thought you agreed it was totally unreasonable that they asked me for that money! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, but they didn't ask me! Y'know? This way I'm just y'know, the exotic, generous stranger. That's always fun to be. [Ross Geller] Yeah, but you're making me look bad! [Phoebe Buffay] No I'm not. No! If anything I'm making you look better! They'll see you talking to me and that's--I'm a hit! [Steve Cera] Oh hey, Pheebs! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Steve Cera] Oh hey, Ross. Umm, see, I was thinking maybe you two could switch apartments because Phoebe's more our kind of people. Something to think about. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, okay, my bad. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hi! Wow! You look, you look...big. [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks! I've been working out. Hey listen, is it obvious that I'm wearing six sweaters? [Rachel Green] Uhhh, yeah. But it's not obvious why. [Joey Tribbiani] Well look, I'm breaking up with Katie so I had to put on some extra padding. Y'know? I mean, if she hits me when she's happy, can you imagine how hard she's gonna hit me when I tell her I'm taking away the Joey love? [Katie] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Hiya! [Rachel Green] Hey! Hey, cute jacket! [Katie] Oh, thanks! That's so sweet! [Rachel Green] Oh! Ow! [Katie] Oh, ow! Did Joey tell you to say that? You guys, are too much! [Rachel Green] Whoa! Y'know what Katie? I gotta tell ya I-I-I-I think you are the one who is too much. [Katie] Ohh, Joey has the nicest friends! [Rachel Green] Ohh, and the nicest girlfriend! [Katie] You're so sweet! [Rachel Green] Ohh, you're so sweet! [Katie] Oww!!!! Joey, she just kicked me. [Joey Tribbiani] Huh. [Katie] Well? Aren't you gonna do something? [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh.... [Katie] You'd better do something, or I'm gonna walk out that door right now! Well? Are you gonna? [Joey Tribbiani] Nah. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Phoebe? [Phoebe Buffay] That's what I'm saying. [Ross Geller] Phoebe? Phoebe? [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh. [Ross Geller] Look, this is a disaster! Can't I please just go? [Phoebe Buffay] No! No! I'm talking you up to people. Just give it a little time, all right? Relax, get something to eat! Okay? [Ross Geller] So uh, what did you tell them about me? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I was telling them about you and Emily. Y'know, try to get some sympathy. [Ross Geller] Ohh. [Phoebe Buffay] But somehow you came off as the bad guy. [Ross Geller] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I think I told it wrong. Y'know, we should talk about that because I don't totally understand what happened there. [Ross Geller] Ohh, this cake is really good! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, okay, see? Things are looking up already! [Guest #2] Oh my God! Someone cut Howard's cake! Who would do a think like that? [Steve Cera] 3-B! [#ALL#] Oh yeah, aww! [Steve Cera] Okay, you got your free food! You ruined everyone's fun! Don't you think it's time you went home?! [Guest #3] Yeah, leave! [#ALL#] Yeah, get out! Now! [Steve Cera] Go back to 3-B, 3-B! [Phoebe Buffay] All right, everyone calm down! Everyone calm down! I have something that I would like to say! Who here likes Ross? Of course you don't like him! He-he didn't give you any money, he raised his own hand when I asked, "Who hear likes Ross," and he's wearing two nametags! I-I'll be honest with you guys, when I first met Ross I didn't like him at all! But then once I got to know him I saw that he's really sweet and caring and very generous. I mean, all I'm saying is don't judge Ross before you get to know him all right? I mean, I like all you guys now, but when I first meet you y'know Kurt, I thought, y'know abrasive drunk, umm Lola, mind numbingly stupid! And okay, you guys Gold-digger, cradle robbing perv! So, I think you all know what I mean. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Obviously I didn't think they were gonna start throwing things. I just thought if I kept insulting everyone, you would jump in and defend everyone and then you could look like the hero. [Ross Geller] Oh wow, yeah! See, I did not get that. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Where's Monica?! Where is she? I need to talk to her! It's urgent! Is she here? [Monica Geller] I'm Monica. [Chandler Bing] I need to talk to you, it's urgent! [Monica Geller] Okay. [Chandler Bing] Okay, I've been doing a lot of thinking about us, y'know a lot of uhh, us thinking. And uh, well I guess there's only one-one way to do this. [Monica Geller] Wait what-wh-wh-what are you doing?! [Chandler Bing] Monica... [Monica Geller] No-no, don't-don't-don't do it! [Chandler Bing] Will you marry me? [Ross Geller] Oh-no. No. No. [Joey Tribbiani] What a bad idea! [Rachel Green] Ohhhh, I cannot look at it! [Monica Geller] Chandler, why are you doing this? [Chandler Bing] I don't know. But I know I'm not afraid to do this. [Monica Geller] Chandler. [Chandler Bing] I'm doing this because I'm sorry? [Monica Geller] Do you umm, you really think the best reason to get married is because you're sorry? [Chandler Bing] No, the best reason to get married is pregnancy. Sorry is pretty much fourth y'know, behind being ready and actually wanting to get married. Will you be my wife? [Monica Geller] Chandler, umm, I want you to take just a minute and I want you to think about how ridiculous this sounds. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I'm kinda wishing everyone wasn't here right now. [Monica Geller] Honey! Do you know that none of that stuff came from me?! I mean I never said I wanted to have babies and get married right now! [Chandler Bing] Yeah I know, but I was really confused and then I talked to these guys. [Monica Geller] Who? Two divorces and Joey?! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] She's right y'know. [Ross Geller] Yeah, but still, cheap shot! [Monica Geller] Y'know what? Y'know when I said that I want you to deal with this relationship stuff all on your own? Well, you're not ready for that. [Chandler Bing] I didn't think I was! [Monica Geller] Oh my God, what would have done if I said yes? [Chandler Bing] Well I would've been happy because I would've be able to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love. Or, you would've seen a Chandler shaped hole in that door. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Ross, will you pass me that knife? [Ross Geller] No, I will not! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, it's okay. You don't have to be so mean about it. [Ross Geller] You're right, I'm sorry. Will you marry me? [Phoebe Buffay] Aw, and I was gonna ask you to marry me because I forgot to say hello to you last week. [Rachel Green] Oh no wait Pheebs, I think for something like that you just ask them to move in with you. But I'm not sure, Chandler? [Chandler Bing] Okay, how long is this going to go on. [Monica Geller] Well I think the length of teasing is directly related to how insane you were so, a long time. [Ross Geller] This is fun. Hey Rach, remember that whole "We were on a break thing?" Well, I'm sorry, will you marry me? [Chandler Bing] That's not funny. [Joey Tribbiani] That's not funny at all!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e15", "title": "The One With The Girl Who Hits Joey"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Cop [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] What are you guys doing up? [Chandler Bing] Oh, we wanted to finish the crossword before we went to bed. Hey, do you know a six-letter word for red? [Joey Tribbiani] Dark red. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I think that's wrong, but there's a Connect the Dots in here for you later. Hey, how about maroon? [Monica Geller] Yes, you are so smart! [Joey Tribbiani] Aww, you guys are so cute! [Monica Geller] I know. [Joey Tribbiani] All right, I'll see you in the morning. [Chandler Bing] Okay. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Y'know, I love doing crossword puzzles with you honey! [Joey Tribbiani] Aww, me too. Now let's finish this and go to bed. [Monica Geller] Okay! There's only one left, three letter word, not dog but... [Joey Tribbiani] Cat. [Monica Geller] Yes! You are so smart! I love you. [Joey Tribbiani] I love you too. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Uhh, we still need a tip. [Phoebe Buffay] All right. Hold on. I got it. Nickel! How much more do we need? [Rachel Green] A couple of bucks. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, dime! You guys should probably keep talking; this could take a while. Oh no, wait! Look it! Whoa! Oh my God, this is a police badge! [Monica Geller] Wow! [Chandler Bing] Oh that's so cool! Why would a cop come in here though? They don't serve donuts. Y'know what actually, could you discover the badge again? I think I can come up with something better than that. [Rachel Green] Phoebe, I bet somebody's missing that badge. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I should probably take it back. Ooh, but you know what? While I'm at the police station, I could check their Ten Most Wanted lists because my friend Fritzy has been like number 11 forever, so this could be her year! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, you guys! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey Joey! [Monica Geller] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. That uh, that my sweatshirt? [Monica Geller] Oh yes, it is. I'm sorry I borrowed it, I was cold. I hope its okay? [Joey Tribbiani] Well uh, it's just that uh, y'know if-if you're gonna be wearing someone's sweatshirt shouldn't it be your boyfriends--and I'm not him. [Monica Geller] I'm sorry, I'll give it back to you. [Joey Tribbiani] No-no! No! I mean it's gonna be all smelling like Monica! [Monica Geller] Are you saying I smell bad? [Joey Tribbiani] No! No, you smell like a meadow. I'm sorry. [Monica Geller] What's with him? [Chandler Bing] Oh, y'know what? The last time Joey went to a meadow, his mother was shot by a hunter. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ugh! [Ross Geller] Yeah, I still don't know. I'm sorry I just wanna make sure that I bought the right couch. I need a couch that says, "Kids welcome here." But that also says, "Come here to me!" [Rachel Green] What?! You say that to kids?!! [Ross Geller] No! No! No! The "Come here to me" is y'know for the ladies. [Rachel Green] Ross, honey, it's a nice couch. It's not a magic couch. [The Salesman] You picked a great couch. [Ross Geller] Yeah? [The Salesman] Yeah. Could you just sign right here please? [Ross Geller] Oh, sure. Whoa-whoa, what's this? The delivery charge is almost as much as the couch! [Rachel Green] Wait! No, that's ridiculous. Come on, he lives three blocks away! [Ross Geller] Yeah, y'know what? I'll take it myself, thank you! All right Rach, let's go! [Rachel Green] Yeah! Are you kiddin'? [Ross Geller] Oh, come on it's only three blocks! And-and, it's not very heavy, try it! Come on! Come on! [Rachel Green] Oh. Oh! I can do it! [Ross Geller] Yeah! [The Salesman] You two are really gonna enjoy that couch. [Ross Geller] Oh yeah, we're uh, yeah we're not together. [The Salesman] Ohh, okay. Something didn't quite add up there. [Rachel Green] Ross! [Ross Geller] What's that supposed to mean? [Rachel Green] Ross! [The Salesman] Well you, her, I mean, she's very...y'know. And you're like...y'know. [Ross Geller] Not that it's any of your business, but we did go out. [The Salesman] Really? You two? [Ross Geller] Yeah! Rach? [Rachel Green] Come on, I don't really want to be doing this right now. I am carrying a very heavy couch. [Ross Geller] Then tell him quickly. [Rachel Green] Fine! We went out. [Ross Geller] Not only did we go out, we did it 298 times! [Rachel Green] Ross!! Oh my--ugh!! You kept count?! You are such a loser! [Ross Geller] A loser you did it with 298 times! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. Oh! Ma'am? Excuse me, ma'am? [The Smoking Woman] Yes? [Phoebe Buffay] You can't put your cigarette out on a tree! [The Smoking Woman] Yeah I can, it worked real well. [Phoebe Buffay] No but you shouldn't! Don't ever do that again. [The Smoking Woman] I won't! Until I have my next cigarette. [Phoebe Buffay] Hold it! N.Y.P.D! Freeze punk! [The Smoking Woman] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah that's right you are so busted. Book 'em. [The Smoking Woman] Who are you talking too? [Phoebe Buffay] Save it Red! Unless you wanna spend the night in the slammer, you apologize to the tree. [The Smoking Woman] I am not going to apologize to a tree! [Phoebe Buffay] You apologize to the tree right now or I am calling for backup. Backup! Backup!! [The Smoking Woman] I-I'm sorry! Sorry. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, cancel backup! Cancel backup! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Okay. [Rachel Green] Ross, didn't you say that there was an elevator in here? [Ross Geller] Uhh, yes I did but there isn't. Okay, here we go. [Ross Geller] Okay, go left. Left! Left! [Rachel Green] Okay, y'know what? There is no more left, left! [Ross Geller] Oh okay, lift it straight up over your head! Straight up over your head! You can do it! You can do it! Okay. You got it? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Good-good-good. [Rachel Green] Oh-oh! [Ross Geller] Yeah, you got it right? You got it right? You got it? [Rachel Green] Any chance you think the couch looks good there? --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] ...so this guy was all And I'm all, Buffay, Homicide. It was just so cool! [Monica Geller] Phoebe, you were supposed to take that back! [Phoebe Buffay] I know but I'm having so much fun doing good deeds. [Chandler Bing] Okay, but impersonating a police officer is a serious thing. You could get arrested. [Phoebe Buffay] You could get arrested, right now! All right, yeah, I gotta take it back. I'm totally drunk with power. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Oh. [Chandler Bing] Hi, Joe. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I didn't know you guys were going to be here. [Monica Geller] Hey Joey, sweetie, taste this. [Joey Tribbiani] What?! Why?! [Monica Geller] What is going on with you? [Joey Tribbiani] Nothing! [Chandler Bing] Oh, come on! You've been acting strange all day! [Joey Tribbiani] All right! There is something. I kinda had a dream, but I don't want to talk about it. [Chandler Bing] Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-what-what if Martin Luther King had said that? I kinda have a dream! I don't want to talk about it. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, it involved Monica. [Chandler Bing] You had a dream about a girl that I am seeing?! Oh, that is so cool! I can't tell you how many times I've dreamt about a girl that he was seeing. Anyway we're talking about your dream. I love you. Your dream? [Joey Tribbiani] Don't worry, there wasn't any sex in it or anything. I haven't dreamt about her like that since I found out about you two--ish. [Monica Geller] What was the dream about? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, okay. You were my girlfriend and we were doing the crossword puzzle. Y'know like you guys were doing last night. So, that's it. I'm in love with Monica and I'll be moving out. [Monica Geller] Wait, Joey! Joey! That doesn't mean that-that you're in love with me! [Joey Tribbiani] It-it doesn't? [Monica Geller] No! [Chandler Bing] No, it can mean anything. Like uh, all of the sudden you're jealous because I've become the apartment stud. [Joey Tribbiani] That kinda sounds like your dream dude. [Monica Geller] Or, it could mean that-that you saw Chandler and me together and we y'know were being close and stuff and then you just want to have that with someone too. [Joey Tribbiani] In the dream I did enjoy the closeness. [Monica Geller] Um-hmm. [Chandler Bing] Joey, look, are you attracted to Monica? Right here, right now, are you attracted to her? [Joey Tribbiani] Not really. [Chandler Bing] Well there you have it! [Monica Geller] Well sure! I'm just wearing sweats! But that's good that you're not in love with me, because you just want a girlfriend! [Joey Tribbiani] No, I don't think it's just about just getting a girlfriend. Y'know? I mean, yeah, I can get a girlfriend! Yeah, we could sit in the chair and do crosswords, but y'know are we ever going to have y'know the closeness like-like you guys have? [Chandler Bing] Well y'know, Monica and I were friends before we started dating. So maybe-maybe that's it? [Joey Tribbiani] Friends first? That's interesting. [Monica Geller] You become friends after? [Joey Tribbiani] No, never done that either. [Rachel Green] Hey, umm, do you guys have that tape measure? [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah, it's actually in my bedroom. [Monica Geller] That's right. [Rachel Green] What's up Joey? [Joey Tribbiani] How you doin'? --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Excuse me, is this your car? [Guy] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] Well I don't think it's very nice of you to park here, y'know you're blocking the entrance. [Guy] Don't worry about it. It's not a problem. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, it's a problem for me, which means it's a problem for you 'cause I'm a cop. [Guy] So am I! [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, no. Oh okay, so you're a cop which means you can park anywhere, 'cause I know that 'cause I'm a cop too. So, all right, keep up the good work. 10-4. [Cop] Hey, wait a second! So wait, what precinct are you with? [Phoebe Buffay] I-I'm with the umm, the 57th. [Cop] Oh, I know a guy in homicide up there. [Phoebe Buffay] I'm in vice. Yeah, in fact I'm undercover right now. I'm a whore. [Cop] Who-who else is in vice up there? [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, do you know, umm Sipowicz? [Cop] Sipowicz? No, I don't think so. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, big guy, kinda bald. [Cop] No, I don't know him. [Phoebe Buffay] Don't try to call him or anything, 'cause he's not there, he's out. His umm, his partner just died. [Cop] Wow umm, tell Sipowicz I'm real sorry for his loss. [Phoebe Buffay] I-I sure will, take care. [Cop] Hey by the way, I'm sure Sipowicz is gonna be all right. I heard that kid from Silver Spoons is really good. And where did you find my badge? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey! Joey, would you mind giving me and Ross a hand moving his couch? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I'd love too, but I got acting class. But y'know what? I guess I can blow that off, for you. [Rachel Green] Thanks! [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, hey, Rach let me ask you something. Uh, I was just over there talking to Monica and Chandler, boy they are really tight. [Rachel Green] I know. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah that's not such a bad situation they got going over there. I'm thinking of getting me one of those. [Rachel Green] What's up Joe? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, the reason I think Monica and Chandler are so great... [Rachel Green] Yeah? [Joey Tribbiani] ...is because they were friends first. Y'know? So I asked myself, "Who are my friends?" You and Phoebe, and I saw you first. So... [Rachel Green] What are you saying? [Joey Tribbiani] I'm saying maybe you and I crank it up a notch. [Rachel Green] Y'know honey, umm, as uh, as flattered as I am that uh, you saw me first, uhh, I just, I-I don't think we should be cranking anything up. [Joey Tribbiani] I'll treat you real nice. [Rachel Green] Yeah, well, y'know umm... No honey, listen I think it's a great idea to become friends with someone before you date them, but I think the way you do it is y'know you meet someone, become their friend, build a foundation, then you ask them out on a date. Don't hit on your existing friends! [Joey Tribbiani] Won't-won't that take longer? [Rachel Green] Yeah. Yeah. Oh, but once you find it, ohh it's so worth the wait. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. I understand. I understand. Man, I wish I saw Phoebe first! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Come here to me. No-no, you come here to me. [Rachel Green] Hey Ross! I brought reinforcements. [Ross Geller] Oh great! What, you brought Joey? [Rachel Green] Well, I brought the next best thing. [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Ross Geller] Chandler?! You brought Chandler?! The next best thing would be Monica! [Chandler Bing] Y'know, I would be offended, but Monica is freakishly strong, so... [Ross Geller] Look, I-I drew a sketch about how we're gonna do it. Okay Rach, that's you. That's the couch. [Rachel Green] Whoa-oh, what's-what's that? [Ross Geller] Oh, that's me. [Rachel Green] Wow! You certainly think a lot of yourself. [Ross Geller] No! That's-that's my arm! [Chandler Bing] Oh, I see. I thought you just really, really liked your new couch. [Ross Geller] Y'know what? Just-just follow my lead. [Rachel Green] Okay! [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Ross Geller] Come on, Chandler. [Ross Geller] All right. Okay, here we go! [Ross Geller] All right, ready? [Chandler Bing] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Turn. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Ross Geller] Turn! Turn! [Chandler Bing] Okay, I don't think we can turn anymore! [Rachel Green] Ross, I don't, I just don't think it's going to fit. [Ross Geller] Oh yeah it will! Come on, up! Up-up-up! Up! Yes! Here we go! Pivot! Pivot! Piv-ot! Piv-et!! Piv-ett!!! Piv-et! [Chandler Bing] Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!! [Ross Geller] Okay, I don't think it's going to pivot anymore. [Chandler Bing] You think?! [Ross Geller] All right, let's uh, let's bring it back down and-and try again. [Chandler Bing] Okay, yeah, I think it's really stuck now. [Ross Geller] I can't believe that didn't work! [Rachel Green] I know, me neither! I mean, you had a sketch! [Chandler Bing] Oh, y'know, what did you mean when you said pivot? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey! How's it going? Did you make any new friends? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, yeah, I met this woman. [Chandler Bing] Hey, whoa-whoa! What's she like? [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh, well, she's...really good in bed. [Monica Geller] Joey, I thought you were gonna try to be friends first! [Joey Tribbiani] Well look, hey, it's all your fault! [Rachel Green] What?! Why?! [Joey Tribbiani] Well because you didn't give me advice! No! You gave me a pickup line! As soon as I told her I wanted to y'know, build a foundation and be friends first. I suddenly, through no fault of my own, became irresistible to her! And her roommate! [Monica Geller] What about the closeness? [Joey Tribbiani] Closeness-shmoshness! There was three of us for crying out loud! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] All right! Hey, who wants pizza?! [Chandler Bing] Ooh, I do! I do! I do! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, great! Can you believe I found it on the second floor? [Monica Geller] Who is it? [Voice] N.Y.P.D!! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God! [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh, just a minute officer!! [Cop] I'm looking for Phoebe Buffay! [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, God, it's him! It's that cop! God, I can't believe it! He found me! [Rachel Green] Oh my God, Phoebe, are you gonna go to jail?! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, if I'm going down, I'm taking you with me. Harboring a fugitive? That's one to three years minimum. Good luck Chandler. Okay, you can arrest me. Fine. But you'll never make it stick and you know it! [Cop] Yeah, but I kinda don't have a choice, it's my job. I mean, you understand right? [Phoebe Buffay] Yep! As long as you understand that I'm going to call my lawyer and once he puts you on the stand he'll make you look like a fool. A fool! [Cop] I don't like looking foolish. Y'know what? Maybe uh, I don't arrest you today. Maybe I came by and you weren't here. [Phoebe Buffay] I would love it if I weren't here! [Cop] Okay, so since umm, you're not going to jail tonight I was wondering if you would like to go to dinner with me? [Phoebe Buffay] Me?! [Cop] Yeah. Ever since you flashed my badge at me, I kinda can't stop thinking about you. You're the prettiest, fake undercover whore I've ever seen. [Chandler Bing] Nice! [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! I didn't see that coming! You're-you're asking me out! [Cop] Yeah. I mean, I coulda done it better, but these people keep staring at me. [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, yeah, I'd like to go out with you officer... [Cop] Gary. [Phoebe Buffay] Gary. [Gary] Okay, so it's a date. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! So--ooh, I gotta ask you though. How did you know where to find me? [Gary] Well you're fingerprints were all over my badge so I just ran it through the computer and this was listed as your last known address so I just checked it out. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, impressive. [Gary] Not as impressive as you. I gotta tell you, I looked at your record and you've done some pretty weird stuff. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, we'll talk at dinner. [Gary] Okay. So I'll come by in a couple hours and pick you up? [Phoebe Buffay] All right, I can't wait! [Gary] Okay. And don't worry, I'm not just gonna take you out for donuts. [Chandler Bing] He has a gun! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] I'd like to return this couch. I'm not satisfied with it. [The Saleswoman] You wanna return this couch? It's cut in half! [Ross Geller] That's what I'm telling you. [The Saleswoman] Did you cut this couch in half? [Ross Geller] This couch, is cut in half! I would like to exchange it for one that is not cut in half! [The Saleswoman] You're telling me this couch was delivered to you like this?! [Ross Geller] Look, I am a reasonable man. I will accept store credit. [The Saleswoman] I'll give you store credit in the amount of four dollars. [Ross Geller] I take it.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e16", "title": "The One With The Cop"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Rachel's Inadvertent Kiss [Rachel Green] Good, you guys are all here! [Ross Geller] Hey! What's up? [Rachel Green] Well, I have a job interview at Ralph Lauren tomorrow! [#ALL#] Congratulations! Ohh, that's great! [Rachel Green] I know! [Joey Tribbiani] Boy, that guy's underwear sucks! [Rachel Green] Wh-what?! [Joey Tribbiani] I got this pair marked excess, I gotta tell ya, there was no room for excess anything in there. [Rachel Green] Anyway, I'm going to be the coordinator of the woman's collection, I'll work right under the director, it's the perfect, perfect job for me! [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! Well, if you nail the interview, you'll get it! [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] You wanna work on your interview skills? [Rachel Green] O-okay! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay! All right, let's start with the handshake. Hi. [Rachel Green] Hi. [Phoebe Buffay] Very good handshake, good wrist action. [Monica Geller] Let me try. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Oh my God! What did I ever do to you?! [Monica Geller] Did I squeeze it too hard? [Phoebe Buffay] Let's just say, I'm glad I'm not Chandler. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] That's right Ross, I can see you in your new apartment! And you can see me! Same as yesterday, same as the day before. [Monica Geller] Is he doing his shark attack bit yet? [Joey Tribbiani] Nope. Op, wait! There he goes. [Joey Tribbiani] Very funny Ross! Very life-like and funny. Okay. Oh no-no-no, I wasn't waving at you lady. Whoa, maybe I was! Hey, Monica, this totally hot girl in Ross's building is flirting with me. [Monica Geller] Get in there man! Flirt back, mix it up! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I-I-I'm down with that. Okay, here goes. How you a-doin'? It worked! She's waving me over. Okay, I-I-I'll be right over. Let's see, she's on the third floor... [Monica Geller] Wow! She is pretty, huh? [Joey Tribbiani] Tell me about it, huh? Oh no-no-no, I'm not with her, she's just Monica! Ewwuck! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey Joey! Great stuff huh? [Joey Tribbiani] This is your place? [Ross Geller] Of course it is. Yeah, come on in. Ooh-ooh, go by the window you can pretend to be surfing. [Joey Tribbiani] But I counted, you're not supposed to live here! Oh man! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Ugh!! [Monica Geller] What happened? [Joey Tribbiani] I ended up at Ross's place. Oh, I musta missed counted or something. Damn! She's not there anymore. Oh, l-l-look, Ross is doing his 'Watching TV' bit. [Monica Geller] No Joey, I think he's just watchin' TV. --------------------------------------- [Gary's Radio] We've lost visual contact with the suspect. [Gary] Okay, now I've really have to go! [Phoebe Buffay] But it's just so unfair that our date has to get cut short just 'cause some guy shot at a store clerk. [Gary] I know, but it's my job, sweethart! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, then maybe I can come too! [Gary's Radio] Suspect has just emerged naked from the sewer. [Phoebe Buffay] All right, you go. [Gary] Bye-bye. [Phoebe Buffay] 'Kay, bye! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh God! [Monica Geller] What? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh I just miss him so much! [Monica Geller] Wow! For just a week you guys are really close, huh? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, it's weird. I can't help it though he's so sweet, he's like this little puppy dog, y'know? But like a really tough one that shots bad guys. Ohh, I just love beginning parts of relationships, y'know?! You just like can't keep your hands off each other. [Monica Geller] I know it is the best. [Phoebe Buffay] So-so how long did that last for you and Chandler? [Monica Geller] What? It's still going on. [Phoebe Buffay] Come on, seriously! When did it end? [Monica Geller] I-I am serious, I mean, we're, we're all over each other all the time. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, you know where you are better than I do. I was just curious. [Monica Geller] What don't you just calm down Phoebe! All right?! Why don't you just get all your facts before you run around telling everybody that you're the only hot couple!! [Phoebe Buffay] God, I woke the beast. Sorry. I was wrong obviously, I just-I misspoke. It's okay. [Monica Geller] Oh no, it is okay, I mean as long as you know that Chandler and I are also very hot and fiery, just as hot as you! I mean our flame, whew, is on fire! [Chandler Bing] Hey Monica, here's your broom back. [Monica Geller] You are so cute. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Oh hey, how'd the interview go? [Rachel Green] Ugh, horrible! I did the stupidest, most embarrassing thing! [Joey Tribbiani] Did you tell the guy you wanted to have sex with his wife and then fall right out of your chair? [Rachel Green] No! [Chandler Bing] So what happened? [Rachel Green] Ugh, it was horrible! And-and the interview part went so well, y'know? I even made him laugh. He said something about a boat and I was like, "Well, yeah! If you've got enough life jackets!" Trust me, it was actually, it was very funny. Anyway, so we were saying good-bye and ugh! [Joey Tribbiani] What happened? [Rachel Green] All right, we were shaking hands and he kinda leaned toward me... Y'know maybe he was going to open the door, but I totally miss read him and I uhhh... [Joey Tribbiani] You kissed him?! [Rachel Green] Well, I didn't know what else to do! [Chandler Bing] Well you coulda tried, not kissing him. [Rachel Green] Thanks Chandler. [Monica Geller] Hey Rach, a guy from Ralph Lauren called, you got a second interview! [Rachel Green] I can't believe it! I got a second interview! [Monica Geller] Yes! [Joey Tribbiani] I bet that kiss isn't looking like such a big mistake now, is it? [Rachel Green] What-what, wait a minute, you don't think that's why he wants me back? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! No? [Monica Geller] A kiss? What are you talking about? [Rachel Green] I accidentally kissed him in the interview, and now he wants me back y'know of course, 'cause "Let's bring the girl back who kisses everybody!" [Chandler Bing] Come on, Rach. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! What if he thinks I'm the kind of girl that-that would just sleep with him? [Monica Geller] He probably wants you back because you're right for the job. [Rachel Green] Maybe. I-I don't know-Oh God, how could I be so stupid?! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh Rachel look, don't say that, I think you just need a hug from Joey. Come on. Come on. She's back! Hot girl's back! [Rachel Green] Ohh, well I'm not totally back yet, but thank you. [Joey Tribbiani] No, in Ross's building! She's back! She's back! Okay, wait there, I'll be over in a second. Got it! [Chandler Bing] I gotta check out this hot girl! There she is! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Damnit!! Did you move?! [Ross Geller] Yes. I lived with you guys for a while and then I found this place. I'm Ross. [The Old Man] Yes? [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh do you happen to have a hot girl in there? [The Old Man] No. I'm all alone. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. Sorry about that. Oh, hey little girl. Uhh, is-is your mommy, or sister, or babysitter by any chance a hot girl? [The Little Girl] Daddy!! [Joey Tribbiani] Later! Oh man! Hot girl! Hot girl!! --------------------------------------- [Mr. Zelner] Hi Rachel! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Mr. Zelner] Come on in. [Mr. Zelner] It's really nice to see you again. [Rachel Green] Thank you. [Mr. Zelner] Oh Rachel, uhh... [Rachel Green] What? [Mr. Zelner] Just ah... [Rachel Green] Excuse me? [Mr. Zelner] Here let me... [Rachel Green] Wh-whoa! All right, okay-okay, I see, I see what's going on here! Now listen, look-look, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I am not some hussy who will just sleep around to get ahead! Now even though I , hey-hey-hey, even though I kissed you, that does not give you the right to demand sex from me. I do not want, this job that bad. Good day, sir. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ugh, you will not believe what that sleaze-ball from Ralph Lauren did too me! [Rachel Green] Okay-okay that-that's amazing. How did you know that? [Ross Geller] You got ink on your lip. [Rachel Green] Oh. Ohhhhhhhhh.... --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] So what do you say, maybe sometime I hold your gun? [Gary] I don't know man, we're really not supposed to do that. [Chandler Bing] Oh, what can happen? I mean, would you... [Gary] Yeah, I'm gonna say no. [Monica Geller] Phoebe, do you want to go see a movie after dinner tonight? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh we can't, we already have plans. [Monica Geller] What are you doing? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, same thing we did all day, hang out at Gary's apartment. He is so amazing, we never left the bedroom. But have fun at the movie. [Monica Geller] Oh, we're not seeing a movie! [Phoebe Buffay] You're not? Then why did you ask us if we wanted to go? [Monica Geller] Oh umm, that's because I just wanted to y'know walk in on me and Chandler while we were, y'know, doing it all night. Will you excuse me for just a second? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! [Monica Geller] Okay. Chandler? Can I see you for a second? [Chandler Bing] Uh, yeah. [Monica Geller] Okay. We have got to beat them! {Here we go yet again.} [Chandler Bing] Why? [Monica Geller] 'Cause, Gary and Phoebe think they're a hotter couple than we are! [Chandler Bing] Ohh, so? [Monica Geller] So! So we've got to go upstairs and have a lot of sex to prove them wrong! [Chandler Bing] Monica, you have got to stop this competitive thing! Okay? It's crazy. {Finally! The voice of reason.} I mean, just impress Gary and Phoebe we have to go upstairs and have sex over and over and I'm saying no to this, why? Get your coat. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! [The Man] Excuse me. You should check this out, tell the other tenants. Apparently he's running around looking for some kind of a hot girl. [Ross Geller] Who isn't? [Ross Geller] I don't, I don't think we've meet. I-I'm Ross. [The Hot Girl] I know. You're the guy who wouldn't chip in for the handyman. [Ross Geller] Nevermind! [The Hot Girl] No, I-I actually thought it was unfair the way everyone reacted. I mean you had just moved in. [Ross Geller] I had just moved in. Thank you! Listen umm... [The Hot Girl] Jen. [Ross Geller] Jen, I know this may sound a little... But uh, would you maybe wanna grab a cup of coffee sometime, or... [Jen] Sure! That would be nice. [Ross Geller] Umm? [Jen] Oh! My number is on there. Give me a call. [Ross Geller] I will give you a call. [Jen] I'll see you later. [Ross Geller] Okay! [Jen] I forgot my paper. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] That was amazing! [Monica Geller] Phoebe and Gary are so gonna hear about this at dinner. [Chandler Bing] That was amazing. [Monica Geller] We are the hottest! Huh? No one is hotter than we are! You're the best. [Chandler Bing] No, you're the best. [Monica Geller] No, you're the best. [Chandler Bing] No, you're the best. [Monica Geller] I am the best. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey guys! What 'cha been doin'? [Monica Geller] Hey Joey! Isn't that the girl that waved at you the other day? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know. But I can see through your sheet. Yeah, yeah, that's her. But y'know what? Doesn't matter, I'm never gonna get to meet her anyway. [Monica Geller] Why? [Joey Tribbiani] Because it's impossible to find her apartment! She lives in some like of hot girl parallel universe, or something. [Monica Geller] What are you talking about? She obviously lives on the second floor, seventh apartment from the left! [Joey Tribbiani] No. No. No. She lives on the third floor, eighth apartment from the left. [Monica Geller] No, those first two windows, that's the lobby. And y'know the other one over there, that's the stairway. You've been counting wrong. [Joey Tribbiani] I did not know that! Thank you Monica. I can't believe I almost lost another girl because of counting. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] So uhh, you ready? [Jen] Sure, I'll just get my coat. Could you get that? [Ross Geller] Sure. Joey... [Joey Tribbiani] Dahhhhh!! No! Noooo!! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ah, first, I-I would like to say thank you for agreeing to see me again. [Mr. Zelner] That's quite all right, but I feel obligated to tell you that this meeting is being videotaped. [Rachel Green] Okay. Umm, well, first I would like to start by apologizing for kissing you and uh, for yelling at you. [Mr. Zelner] Fair enough. [Rachel Green] Now you're probably going to hire one of the people who did not ah, who did, who did not umm, yell at you and storm out, and I think that's a big mistake and here's why. I made a huge fool of myself and I came back, that shows courage. When I thought you wanted sex in exchange for this job, I said no. That shows integrity. And, I was not afraid to stand up for myself and that shows courage. Okay umm, now I know I already said courage, but y'know you gotta have courage. And umm, and finally when I thought you were making sexual advances in the workplace, I said no and I was not litigious. {By the way, litigious means to want to litigate and litigate is to make a lawsuit against. So she didn't want to sue him. Don't worry, I had to look it up too.} So there you go, you got, you got courage, you got integrity, you got courage again, and not litigious. Look Mr... [Mr. Zelner] Zelner. [Rachel Green] Zelner! Right! I knew that! I really, really want this job and I think, I think I would be really good at it. [Mr. Zelner] Y'know what? I may regret this but uh, I'm going to give you a shot. [Rachel Green] Oh! You are? [Mr. Zelner] Um-hmm. [Rachel Green] Really? Oh thank you! Oh... Oh, would it be completely inappropriate to give you a hug? [Mr. Zelner] Yes! [Rachel Green] Okay, well then how about a handshake? Oh God I'm sorry! Oh God, I'm sorry! I did not mean to touch that-I mean you there. There. Uhh, okay, so thank-thank you, I'm going to leave now thank you very much uh-huh, thank you so-Hey! I'll see you Monday! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] You tired Chandler? [Monica Geller] You better believe he's tired, after the day we had! If you know what I mean. You know what I mean? [Chandler Bing] Honey, the tortilla chips know what you mean. [Gary] So uh Chandler, you like that badge I got you? [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah, it's so cool. Now I gotta go, Officer Bing has gotta, 10-100. That's pee-pee. [Monica Geller] Phoebe, you have a, a twig in your hair. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, umm, we kinda took a little detour on the way over here. [Gary] Yeah, we took a little stroll in the park and no one was around, so... [Monica Geller] You didn't! [Phoebe Buffay] We did! We violated Section 12 Paragraph 7 of the criminal code! [Monica Geller] The park huh? A public place. [Gary] Uh-huh. [Monica Geller] I hear ya. Excuse me for just a second! [Monica Geller] Hi Chandler. [Chandler Bing] Monica! This is the Men's room! Isn't it? [Monica Geller] Yes it is. You see I've always found the men's bathroom very sexual. Haven't you? [Chandler Bing] No. And if I did, I don't think we'd be going out. Monica, this is getting ridiculous! [Monica Geller] Come on, we can't let them win! [Chandler Bing] Ugh, we have already proved that we are hot! Okay? So why-why are you getting so obsessed about this thing?! [Monica Geller] Because Phoebe and Gary are in that-can't-keep-their-hands-off-each-other-doing-it-in-the-park phase! [Chandler Bing] So? [Monica Geller] I feel really sad that we're not...really there anymore. [Chandler Bing] Oh wow! Is that what this all have been about? [Monica Geller] Wasn't it a lot more exciting when we were y'know all over each other all the time? [Chandler Bing] Yeah that was great. That was really great! But to tell you the truth, I'm more excited about where we are right now. [Monica Geller] Really? [Chandler Bing] Yeah! I've never been in a relationship that's lasted this long before. Y'know to get past the beginning and still be around each other all the time, I think that's pretty incredible. And the fact that this is happening all with you, yeah I think that's pretty exciting. [Monica Geller] That is so sweet. I know that I was acting a little crazy but umm, I feel the same way. [Chandler Bing] Yeah? [Monica Geller] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] Y'know what I just realized? You just freaked out about our relationship. [Monica Geller] Did not. [Chandler Bing] Yes you did! Admit it! You freaked out! [Monica Geller] Okay, I freaked out a little. [Chandler Bing] Little?! You freaked out big time! Okay? And I fixed it! We have switched places! I am the relationship and king and you are the crazy, irrational screw up! And now we're back. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] I cannot believe Ross is buying this! [Monica Geller] Thank God! I can't watch him anymore! [Chandler Bing] You guys ready fore the movies? [Rachel Green] Yeah! Oh by the way, thank you for loaning us Pamela and Yasmine. [Ross Geller] Man! They cannot get enough!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e17", "title": "The One With Rachel's Inadvertent Kiss"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Rachel Smokes [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, pick a card. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] All right now, memorize it. You got it? [Chandler Bing] Oh yes. [Joey Tribbiani] Is that your card? [Chandler Bing] Yes. [Carol Willick] Hey guys! [Ross Geller] Hi! [Chandler Bing] Hi there! [Ben Geller] Hi!! [Carol Willick] Guess what? Ben is going to be in a TV commercial! [Phoebe Buffay] What are you talking about?! [Ross Geller] Well, it's not for sure but umm, we met this guy in the park who thought Ben was really cute--y'know, which he is--so umm anyhoo, he uh, he gave us his card and told us to bring him down for this commercial he's auditioning. [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! I mean, way to go Ben! Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition. [Ross Geller] I know, it's crazy! We were just pushing Ben on the swings... [Joey Tribbiani] I'm always on the swings! What am I doing wrong?! [Chandler Bing] That. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Okay, gotta go! Wish me luck! [Joey Tribbiani] Luck! [Chandler Bing] Hey Rach, now that you're working at Ralph Lauren, can you bring me back some of those polo shirts? [Rachel Green] Uh well, y'know what? I don't think if I feel comfortable stealing on my very first day... [Chandler Bing] Unwilling to steal from work, interesting. [Monica Geller] Besides, if anybody's gonna get free stuff, it's gonna be me. [Rachel Green] Okay guys, way to wish me luck! [#ALL#] Good luck! Go get 'em! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, let's discuss Rachel's birthday. I say we throw a surprise party this weekend. [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa-whoa, but her birthday isn't like for another month. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah but if we throw her a party on her birthday, then it's not a surprise. [Monica Geller] I think it's a great idea. Yeah, we could have a dinner party and just invite her close friends. [Joey Tribbiani] Ross!! We're having a surprise party for Rachel!! [Ross Geller] Okay!! [Joey Tribbiani] Done. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, great so do you want to do it together? [Monica Geller] I would love to do it together! [Joey Tribbiani] They're gonna do it together. [Chandler Bing] Dude! That's my girlfriend! [Joey Tribbiani] What, so I gotta shut it down now? [Ross Geller] All right, I gotta take off. I'm picking up Ben then we're off to the big audition. [Monica Geller] It's gonna be weird to watch some actor pretending to be Ben's dad. [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] Weirder than watching his two moms make out? [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa-whoa dad? There's a dad in the commercial? [Ross Geller] Yeah the dad and Ben eat soup and pretend to enjoy it. [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa, hey, maybe I'll go down there with ya and see if I can get an audition to play the dad. I mean who better to play Ben's father than his godfather. [Ross Geller] You're not his godfather. [Joey Tribbiani] What?! Are you kidding?! [Ross Geller] Of course I am! Okay, let's go godfather. [Joey Tribbiani] All right! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! I'm in, they're gonna let me audition! [Ross Geller] Really? That's great! [Joey Tribbiani] I know! I know! It turns out that one of the casting ladies has actually seen me in a play, so I steered clear of her... [Carol Willick] Hey, that kid looks familiar. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah, yeah! He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in like Sugar Smacks, Playstation, and that one for the phone company. In fact he was so good in that one, he actually convinced me to switch phone companies. Chandler was mad.... [Ross Geller] Yeah well, he's not gonna get this one. Ben is way cuter than that kid. I mean look at him, look at you, [Joey Tribbiani] That's great. Listen, wouldn't it be great though if I got to play Ben's dad? [Ross Geller] Joey, you look nothing like Ben. [Joey Tribbiani] I look more like him than you do! [Carol Willick] Y'know, I don't really know you well enough for you to do that. --------------------------------------- [Kim] So it's down to these two, Nancy I know you like this one and I think I agree. Rachel, what do you think? [Rachel Green] Well umm, that one is pretty but uh, I just, I just love this fabric Sorry. [Kim] Oh don't be sorry, that's part of your job here to give your opinions and then I take credit for them--I'm kidding. [Nancy] She is kidding, but don't ever disagree with her again. Okay, now I'm kidding! [Rachel Green] Oh, what a fun office. [Kim] I don't know which one, but I do know I need a cigarette. So what do you say we take a break, we go outside, and we'll figure this out when we come back? [Kim] Rachel? Do you smoke? [Rachel Green] Oh no, my dad's a doctor and he would always tell me just horror stories......about ghosts and goblins who totally supported the princess's right to smoke. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] ...and then they came back from smoking and they had made all of the decisions without me! [Monica Geller] That doesn't seem fair. [Rachel Green] I know! It's like I'm being punished for not having this disgusting, poisoning habit! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, it is the best. [Rachel Green] I mean what if this keeps happening? Y'know, they'll-they'll be outside smoking, making all the decisions and I'll just be up in my office breathing my stupid clean air, y'know? And then when the day comes when Kim wants to promote one of us, who do you think she's gonna pick? Me or Smokey Smokerson? [Monica Geller] Rachel, you can go down there, you don't have to smoke. Just say you wanna get some fresh air. [Rachel Green] Yeah, I can do that. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, or you can do the easy thing and smoke. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey Rach, you wanna get some coffee? [Rachel Green] I would love to! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh good! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I wanna go to babe. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh good. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh wait, I change my mind! Okay, let's talk about the party! I have so many ideas! [Monica Geller] Yeah, me too! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, look at that. [Monica Geller] All right, that's a little sketch of the cake, umm some sample menus, umm y'know what I thought we would start out with Tuscan style finger food, and for music, here's an alphabetized list of all my CDs! I've highlighted the ones that would go really good with the food. [Phoebe Buffay] What happened to the intimate dinner party? [Monica Geller] Oh, we're not doing that. Okay... [Phoebe Buffay] So wow, it looks like you took care of everything. Thanks a lot, co-host. [Monica Geller] What?! I didn't take care of everything, there's-there's plenty of things for you to do! [Phoebe Buffay] Like what? [Monica Geller] Cups. [Phoebe Buffay] Cups? You're giving me cups? [Monica Geller] And ice! [Phoebe Buffay] Cups and ice? Ooh, I get to be in charge of cups and ice? All right. Fine, okay, I will be in charge of cups and ice! [Monica Geller] Wait a minute, I can get ice at the restaurant... [Phoebe Buffay] I got it! Mine! [Ross Geller] Hi. [Monica Geller] Hey! How'd the audition go?! [Ross Geller] Not so good. [Monica Geller] Wait a minute, are you doing Joey's "Audition didn't go so well. Yeah it did?" [Ross Geller] Yeah I am! Yeah, Ben got a second audition! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I had to teach Ross my bit because I actually didn't get a callback. [Monica Geller] You got a callback too didn't you? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah I did! --------------------------------------- [Kim] Hey Rachel, what are you doing out here? [Rachel Green] Oh well, it's kinda lonely up there, so I just thought I would come out here and get some fresh air. [Kim] Nancy and I were talking about the fall collection. [Rachel Green] Oh great! [Kim] So anyway we really... Honey, we're just smoking all over you. [Nancy] Oh, sorry! [Rachel Green] Oh that's okay. [Kim] No-no-no, we'll move you just stay right there. [Nancy] So anyway I sent the designs over to Ralph and he's very excited about the line. [Kim] Oh that's great! You are the best! [Rachel Green] Excuse me, can I, can I bum one of those? Y'know what, actually... Okay, okay, okay, what's so funny over here? [Nancy] I thought you didn't smoke. [Rachel Green] Oh, I thought you guys meant marijuana cigarettes, y'know? Y'know what I mean, like dubbies? And I actually, I thought to myself, "Wow, those guys are crazy!" But no, I actually smoke the regular ones all, all the time. [Kim] We get high. [Rachel Green] Oh, me too. [Kim] I'm kidding. [Rachel Green] Oh, me too. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Oh God, this is so nerve wracking! How-how do you do this? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, unfortunately, I don't get many callbacks so... [Carol Willick] Is it a good sign that they asked us to hang around after the audition? [Joey Tribbiani] Who knows? [The Casting Director] Okay uh, we have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle, and Joey. The rest of you, thank you very much. [Ross Geller] Yes!! I knew it!! Bye-bye! So long! Later! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh this is great! I might actually get to play Ben's dad! [Ross Geller] Yeah! [The Casting Director] Actually, that can't happen. Yeah because you all have such different looks, we're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben. So it'll be either you two or you two. [Joey Tribbiani] Man, this is gonna be kinda weird. [Ross Geller] Yeah, it is. [Kyle] Yeah. It's gonna be weird. [Ross Geller] No, we-we're gonna be like best friends, that's why it's gonna be weird. [Kyle] Oh, oh, I thought we were just talking. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Is it okay if I leave this stuff here 'til Rachel's birthday party? [Chandler Bing] Ah sure. What's in 'em? [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, cups. [Chandler Bing] Oh good, because uh we got Rachel 800 gallons of water. [Ross Geller] Seriously that's a lot of cups. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah well, that's 'cause Monica put me in charge of cups and ice, and Monica is gonna rue the day that she put me in charge of cups and ice. [Chandler Bing] Y'know I rued the day once...didn't get a whole lot else done. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, time to bring up the rest of the cups. Oh, hi Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Pheebs! Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Ross good, I'm uh glad you're here. I wanna talk to you about something. [Ross Geller] What's up? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I've been thinking about this whole commercial thing, y'know me going up against Ben, the two of us competing, and that can't lead to anything good. So, I think I'm just gonna step aside. I'm gonna tell them that I won't audition. [Ross Geller] Wow, uh, Joey that's-that's great. Thanks man. [Joey Tribbiani] That's it? You're-you're gonna let me do this?! This-this is my career we're talking about here! [Ross Geller] Well, you just... [Joey Tribbiani] I just said that so you wouldn't let Ben do it! Look Ross, if anyone should step aside it should be Ben! [Ross Geller] What?! [Joey Tribbiani] What? Chandler! Tell 'em! [Chandler Bing] Well I mean, let me get the door first. Oh, hi! No one. [Ross Geller] Why should Ben step aside? It was his audition in the first place! You-you just tagged along! You're like the uh, tag-a-long dad. [Joey Tribbiani] At least I care about his feelings! [Ross Geller] What?! [Joey Tribbiani] Do you know how hard this is gonna be on him when he doesn't get it? [Ross Geller] And why wouldn't he get it? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, come on! Have you seen what my kid can do?! Huh?! I mean he dials phones! He-he-he eats tortilla chips! He-he plays soccer with the cartoon tiger! [Ross Geller] Are you saying your kid eats soup better than my kid? [Joey Tribbiani] You just give him a spoon baby! [Ross Geller] Oh yeah? I guess we'll just see! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Because this commercial belongs to me and Mitch! [Ross Geller] You're kid's name is Raymond! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah?! So's yours! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] How did work go? [Rachel Green] Oh it was great! It was great! I went down there just like you said, y'know? And we talked business. Kim totally took my opinions. [Monica Geller] You stink! [Rachel Green] Thanks! [Monica Geller] No, I'm-I'm serious! [Rachel Green] Well-well that's 'cause I went down there and they were all smoking. This is actually the smell of success. [Chandler Bing] Okay, there's something different though--Oh my God! You smoked! [Rachel Green] I did not! [Chandler Bing] Yes you did! You look happy and sick; you smoked! [Rachel Green] All right, fine! But I had too! I had to do it for my career! [Chandler Bing] I wish I had smoked for my career... [Monica Geller] That's so gross! [Rachel Green] No well, no it's not that bad, y'know? I mean yeah, my tongue feels a little fuzzy and these fingers sort of smell, I actually feel like I can throw up. [Chandler Bing] Okay, but you gotta push past this because it is about to get so good! [Monica Geller] Chandler! I have to tell you, you smell so smokey I have to get up. I'm not kidding. [Chandler Bing] I think you smell great! --------------------------------------- [Kim] So, we're decided, no on plaid, yes on pink? [Nancy] Absolutely! [Rachel Green] I am so on board! [Kim] Rachel didn't you just light that? [Rachel Green] Yeah, I did, but y'know what? I am really, really trying to cut back, y'know? Good luck, Rach. [Nancy] I've actually been thinking about quitting lately. [Kim] Oh sure, every Sunday night I'm telling myself I'm quitting but every Monday morning it's like [Nancy] Tell me about it! [Rachel Green] Well then let's just quit! We'll just quit! Let's all quit! [Kim] It does sound appealing. [Nancy] Oh, I never could do it. [Rachel Green] Oh but you could. You can. Absolutely! We can help each other out! We can get--what are those--those patches! We could be like the Patch Sisters! [Kim] Oh y'know, we really should quit. Okay, let's quit! [Rachel Green] Yes! Great! Give me those cigs! Give it! Give it! [Kim] My late husband gave me that lighter. I'm not kidding. [Rachel Green] Okay then! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hmmm, soup! Hmm soup! Hmm, soup! [Carol Willick] Joey, Ross is gonna be here any second, would you mind watching Ben for me while I use the ladies' room? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah, no problem. [Carol Willick] Thanks. [Joey Tribbiani] Hi Ben! So you wanna be an actor huh? I gotta tell ya, it's no picnic. There's tons of rejection. No stability. One day you're Dr. Drake Remoray, the next day you're eating ketchup right out of the bottle. [Ross Geller] Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Ross! [Ross Geller] Ben! I mean, Ben! Ben! [The Casting Director] Okay, Raymond, Joey you're up. [Joey Tribbiani] Hi! [The Casting Director] Okay, uh well, let's try one. Whenever you guys are ready. [Joey Tribbiani] Uh-oh. [The Casting Director] Is there a problem? [Joey Tribbiani] Well this is noodle soup and uh, I've been working with tomato. But that's okay, no problem. No problem. Hmm, noodle soup. [The Casting Director] Y'know, that's-that's fine, but the line is, "Hmm, soup." [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, what did I say? [The Casting Director] Hmm, noodle soup. [Joey Tribbiani] How's that different? Oh! Yeah! [The Casting Director] All right, let's try one. [Joey Tribbiani] Hmm, noodle soup. [The Casting Director] Okay. Let's do it again. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Hmm, soup. I mean, noodle soup. I mean soup! [Raymond] COME ON!!!! [The Casting Director] Y'know what? We need to move on. [Joey Tribbiani] No! No! I-I can do it one more time! See? Look! Hmm, noodle soup. Damnit! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey! Hey-hey-hey!! [Kim] Uh-oh, busted! [Rachel Green] Come on you guys! What are doing?! I thought we were the patch sisters! [Kim] Yeah. That didn't work out. [Nancy] Rachel we tried to quit, but it was too hard! [Rachel Green] Well y'know if you, if you started smoking again you could've at least told me! Come on, give me one of those! What are we talking about? [Kim] No. No! You're doing great! Don't you give up! That's why we didn't tell you and we're not gonna drag you down with us. [Rachel Green] Oh wait, no-no-no! Drag me down. Drag-drag me down. [Kim] Forget it Rachel! We're both so proud of how well you're doing. I'm not gonna let you blow it. In fact, if I catch you with a cigarette, you're fired. So go on, get out of here! Go on, I don't want you breathing this stuff! Go on! [Rachel Green] Okay. [Kim] So, okay! So you'll come with me on the Paris trip. [Rachel Green] Oh man! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Check it out! Cup hat! Cup banner! Cup chandelier! And the thing that started it all, the cup! [Chandler Bing] Great job with the cups, Pheebs! [Monica Geller] Why don't you just go out with her! [Phoebe Buffay] And did you notice the ice? Look! We have it all! We have crushed! Cubed! And dry! Watch! Ahhh! Mystical! [Chandler Bing] Awesome! [Monica Geller] Chandler! Everyone--no one's eating my Tuscan finger food 'cause they're all filling up on Phoebe's snow cones! [Chandler Bing] There are snow cones! Snow cones! Yuck! [Monica Geller] Y'know...go! Go! Right there! [Chandler Bing] Thank you! Thank you! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, look! Look! Look! [#ALL#] Surprise!! [Rachel Green] What?! What?! My birthday's not for another month! [Monica Geller] That's the surprise! [Rachel Green] Oh my God! You guys this is so great! I mean it's so unexpected! I mean Chandler's birthday is even before mine! [#ALL#] Surprise! [Rachel Green] Wow! This is great! Look at all these cups! This is so weird. [Phoebe Buffay] I was in charge of cups. [Rachel Green] Oh, okay, not so weird. [Ross Geller] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Ross Geller] Listen man, uh, I'm sorry the audition didn't go so well. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah right! [Ross Geller] No really, I-I am! I feel bad! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah? Well look Ross, you don't have to. Okay? It's not your fault I suck. I mean what kind of an actor can't even say, "Hmm, noodle soup." [Ross Geller] Yeah y'know what? Maybe-maybe you didn't mess up your audition because you suck, maybe you messed up because you care more about uh, your godson. [Joey Tribbiani] What you do mean? [Ross Geller] I think, sub-consciously... [Joey Tribbiani] Wait-whoa-whoa, you lost me. [Ross Geller] I think on some level, you-you sabotaged your own audition so that Ben would get the part. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, you're way sounds a lot better than mine. Yeah. Yeah! It's not that I'm a bad actor... [Ross Geller] No! [Joey Tribbiani] No, it's just ah, I care so damn much about little Ben that uh, it was more important to see him succeed. [Ross Geller] There you go. Thank you! [Joey Tribbiani] Thank you! So, did-did he get it? [Ross Geller] No. [Joey Tribbiani] Eh, what are you gonna do? --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Oh, hi! Excuse me, is uh Rachel Green here? I was supposed to meet her for lunch. [Kim] Oh, she doesn't come down here any more. You can find her up on ten. [Chandler Bing] Okay, great. [Kim] So we talked about the whole presentation yesterday at lunch and he wondered if one person would be enough to get a take on the trip and I said, "Yeah, absolutely!" [Chandler Bing] I'll catch you guys later.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e18", "title": "The One Where Rachel Smokes"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Ross Can't Flirt [Ross Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Ross Geller] Wow! You look nice. What's the occasion? [Chandler Bing] Monica and I are celebrating our ten-month anniversary, we've got reservations at Ja George. [Ross Geller] Wow! How'd you get in there? [Chandler Bing] Made a few calls, pulled some strings, and they agreed to seat us at 11:30 if we both had the chicken and didn't get desert. [Delivery Girl] Hi Chandler! [Chandler Bing] Hey Caitlin! Somebody got a haircut. [Caitlin] Ugh, I hate it! I look like an 8-year-old boy. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, if that was true, gym class would've been a lot more interesting. [Caitlin] It's uh, 27 dollars even. [Chandler Bing] Oh, okay. Here you go. [Caitlin] Hey, where's the chicken? [Chandler Bing] Oh, he's in the back. The duck pissed him off, said that eggs came first. [Caitlin] Great. I'll see you later! [Chandler Bing] Okay, bye! [Ross Geller] What the hell was that?! [Chandler Bing] What? [Ross Geller] The flirting! Aren't you supposed to be going out with, I don't know hmm, let's say my sister?! [Chandler Bing] I was not flirting. [Ross Geller] It was totally flirting. "Somebody got a haircut " [Chandler Bing] Okay first of all, the impression, uncanny. And second, that was not flirting, that was just casual conversation between two people. That is all. [Ross Geller] Yeah, right. [Chandler Bing] You wanna see flirting? I'll show you flirting. [Ross Geller] I'm good. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] I am so proud of Joey, I can't believe he's going to be on Law & Order! [Phoebe Buffay] I know. But don't you think that it should be called Order and Law? [Rachel Green] No because first they arrest the guy and then they try him. [Phoebe Buffay] Don't get me started on that. [Chandler Bing] I was not flirting. [Ross Geller] And on your anniversary, for shame! [Rachel Green] What's going on? [Ross Geller] Chandler was hitting on the hot delivery girl! [Chandler Bing] I was not and oh God, shh! [Ross Geller] Well I'm sorry but you were! Okay? And besides if anyone should be hitting on her it's the guy who's single, the guy that who-who-who can do something about it. [Phoebe Buffay] Sounds like somebody wants to be Mr. Pizza Delivery Girl. [Ross Geller] Well... [Chandler Bing] Is that what this is about? You like Caitlin? [Rachel Green] Ross! We broke up two years ago; you've been married since then. I think it's okay that we see other people. [Ross Geller] Well, I-I was watching her the other day at the pizza place. [Rachel Green] Hm-mmm. [Ross Geller] And she's just so sexy and funny and has the cutest little... [Rachel Green] Okay, y'know what? We don't need her measurements. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, okay Ross, I know she's pretty and you love her, but is she stupid?! She forgot my vegetarian! [Ross Geller] This is perfect! She'll have to come back here with your pizza, and when she does, I'll turn on the Charm-O-Ross. Oh I'm so glad you don't eat meat. [Phoebe Buffay] See? Vegetarianism benefits everyone. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey everybody, look who's here! You remember my grandmother! [Rachel Green] Big night! [Phoebe Buffay] This is so cool! [Chandler Bing] So, Joey on Law & Order, you must be very proud! [Joey Tribbiani] Chandler, she doesn't understand a word of English. [Chandler Bing] I'm sorry, I thought you were Joey's other grandmother. I've done it again. [Joey Tribbiani] She's my biggest fan. Yeah, she's the only one in the family that's believed in me. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I uh weighted like 27 pounds when I was born so... [Monica Geller] Hey! Happy Anniversary! [Chandler Bing] Happy Anniversary, 10 months! [Monica Geller] So umm, when I was in the shower I was thinking about our first night in London... [Chandler Bing] Uhh, Joey's grandmother is right there. [Monica Geller] Is that the one that speaks English or the one that doesn't? [Chandler Bing] The one that doesn't. [Monica Geller] That was some hot love you gave me! I'm gonna go get ready. [Chandler Bing] Hey, why don't you wear those earrings I gave you? [Monica Geller] That's a great idea! I was saving them for something special. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] You have got to go home! [Phoebe Buffay] But I like it here! [Monica Geller] You gotta go home and get the earrings that you borrowed from me okay? Chandler wants me to wear them tonight. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, well I think that they're in my purse. Why don't you go get dressed and I'll look for them. [Monica Geller] Great! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay! Rach, hi, I need those earrings you borrowed. [Rachel Green] Oh, umm, okay, yeah, I'll be, yeah I'll be right back. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow Pheebs, you speak Italian? [Phoebe Buffay] I guess so. [Rachel Green] Here you go. Thank you! [Phoebe Buffay] Wait, Rach! Where's the other one? [Rachel Green] Oh what, you-you want both of them? [Phoebe Buffay] Rachel Karen Green, where's the other earring?! [Rachel Green] Okay, okay, okay, look, just don't freak out, but I kinda lost it. I know it's in the apartment, but I definitely lost it. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, what am I going to tell Monica? She wants to wear them tonight! [Rachel Green] Tell her to wear her own earrings. [Phoebe Buffay] These are her earrings. [Rachel Green] Nooo! Nooooo! You lent me Monica's earrings?! I'm not allowed to borrow her stuff! [Phoebe Buffay] Why not? [Rachel Green] Because I lose her stuff! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, see that blind guy right there? I'm gonna bash his head in later. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh umm, my big scene is coming up. Big scene coming up. [Chandler Bing] If you said, "Big lima bean, bubbling up." Would she understand the difference? [Monica Geller] Rach? What are you doing? [Rachel Green] Oh boy, I just can't watch. It's too scary! [Monica Geller] It's a diaper commercial. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah well, you know me, babies, responsibilities, ahhh!!! [Caitlin] Pizza delivery! [Ross Geller] I'll get it! I will get that! [Caitlin] Hi! [Ross Geller] Hi! [Caitlin] One uh, vegetarian pizza. That's $12.15. [Ross Geller] Oh. Uh, by the way, if it makes you feel any better. I happen to like 8-year-old boys. [Caitlin] What?! [Ross Geller] The uh, your hair, before, your hair, you said you thought your looks like an 8-year-old's, and I'm just saying I like it. The hair. [Caitlin] Oh. Thanks. [Ross Geller] You understand I don't actually like 8-year-old boys. [Caitlin] Y'know, all I'm looking for is the money. [Chandler Bing] Here you go. Now stop bringing us pizzas you. [Caitlin] I'm gonna try. [Chandler Bing] You're welcome. [Ross Geller] You couldn't let me have her, could ya?! [Chandler Bing] What? [Ross Geller] This is a girl that I really like and had too swoop in there! [Monica Geller] What's goin' on? [Ross Geller] Chandler was totally flirting with the hot delivery girl! [Chandler Bing] Thank you for that! I was not flirting. [Monica Geller] It's okay. I don't care. It's uh, it's fine. [Ross Geller] Really?! [Chandler Bing] Really?! [Monica Geller] It's no big deal, I do it all the time. [Chandler Bing] So umm, you-you flirt with guys all the time? [Monica Geller] Sure! It doesn't mean anything! Just like I know it doesn't mean anything with you! [Chandler Bing] Okay, but there is a big difference. You are a lot hotter than I am. [Joey Tribbiani] True story! [Monica Geller] Chandler, this actually bothers you? [Chandler Bing] Yes, it does bother me! And I think it would bother a lot of people. Rachel, when you were going out with Ross, did it bother you when he flirted with other women? [Rachel Green] Uhh, no, no, it bothered me when he slept with other women. [Ross Geller] And thank you, for that. [Rachel Green] But y'know, I never really had anything to worry about. Ross was never very good at the flirting thing. [Ross Geller] What? What-what, what are talking about? It-it worked with you. [Rachel Green] Oh! Y'know what? You're right! We meet, you flirted and then bamn nine years later you had me! [Ross Geller] All right, all right. You-you-you know what I'm going to do? I am going to order another pizza and when Caitlin gets here, you-you--I will show how well I flirt. Yeah! I will, I will get her phone number! And not the one on the menu! [Phoebe Buffay] I found it! [Rachel Green] Ohh! Thank God! Where was it? [Phoebe Buffay] On your dresser. [Rachel Green] Okay that is the one we already have! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, here's my big scene. My big scene's here! Oh my God. [Monica Geller] What? [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, everybody just keep smiling. It'll kill my grandmother if she finds out. [Chandler Bing] Well, what is it? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, they cut me out of the show. [Rachel Green] What?! [Ross Geller] Are you sure? [Phoebe Buffay] Maybe your scene's coming up? [Joey Tribbiani] Not likely. 'Cause you see that body bag right there [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm in it. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] This is terrible, what are you going to do? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know. This little, old lady lives for my career. When they dumped me off of Days of Our Lives she almost died. [Phoebe Buffay] That's not good. [Joey Tribbiani] No, smile! Not that face, smile! Everybody smile! [Rachel Green] Joey, why don't you just tell her what happened? It's not your fault. [Chandler Bing] If we keep talking this way, aren't we gonna freak her out soon? [Joey Tribbiani] Soon, soon, I'm gonna be on soon. There I am! [Grandma Tribbiani] No! Sam Waterston! [Joey Tribbiani] No-no-no, that-that's me, that's me. [Grandma Tribbiani] No, it's Sam Waterston! Crimes and Misdemeanors, Capricorn One. [Chandler Bing] Doesn't know, "Hello." But she knows Capricorn One. [Monica Geller] Phoebe! I have to have those earrings, we're going to leave as soon as the show is over. [Phoebe Buffay] But I already gave them back to you! [Monica Geller] No you didn't. [Phoebe Buffay] All right, I already didn't give them back to you, that's what I said. Where is that other earring? [Rachel Green] It's not here Pheebs, it's not here. Ohh, I went to Joey and Chandler's last night! Okay! [Phoebe Buffay] Make sure you check Chandler's jewelry box. [Rachel Green] Wait a minute. Chandler has a jewelry box? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, we have like ten minutes. Do you want me to get into that now?! [Ross Geller] Hey Pheebs! How's that uh, vegetarian pizza working out for ya? You and those vegetables have a real thing going on, huh? [Phoebe Buffay] Why are you being weird? [Ross Geller] Do you like it? [Phoebe Buffay] No, that would be, "Why are you being cute?" [Ross Geller] Okay, I'm working on my flirting. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh! I did not get that. [Chandler Bing] So uh Monica, do you, do you like the Law & Order? [Monica Geller] Yeah, it's good. [Chandler Bing] See, I'm finding out all this stuff about you today, like you like the Law & Order and that you flirted with every guy in the Tri-State area! [Monica Geller] Chandler! Okay, let me get this straight, it's okay for you to flirt, but not for me. [Chandler Bing] Oh, I'm so glad we cleared that up. Look, I'm sorry, some things are different for men and for women. [Monica Geller] Go on, teach me something about men and women. [Chandler Bing] Okay, I've already taught you so much already, but whatever. See when you flirt with a guy you think, "I'm just flirting, no big deal." But the guy is thinking, "Finally! Somebody who wants to sleep with me!" [Monica Geller] No way! [Chandler Bing] It's true. [Monica Geller] Well that's pathetic! [Chandler Bing] Again true. [Monica Geller] And this goes for all guys? [Chandler Bing] All guys that are awake. Then we go to sleep and then all the guys from the other end of the world wake up and behave the exact same way. [Joey Tribbiani] All right, it's another commercial; I still haven't told her! [Ross Geller] Joey! This is like the last commercial. You've got like ten minutes left! [Joey Tribbiani] I know, I know! What am I going to do? Ooh! [Monica Geller] No! You are not gonna run out and leave her here! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, all right. Ooh! [Grandma Tribbiani] Joey! [Chandler Bing] Uh, Joey is gonna be right back. Right back! Meanwhile, let's-let's-let's talk about you. So, you're old and small. [Rachel Green] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Did you find it? [Rachel Green] The earring? No. But look, I found my sunglasses under the couch! I've been looking for these since like last summer. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, those are my sunglasses, you borrowed them from me. [Rachel Green] Okay, calm down, here they are. [Monica Geller] Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] What are we going to do?! [Rachel Green] I don't know, I don't know. [Phoebe Buffay] All right well, we're just gonna have to tell Monica, that's all. [Rachel Green] Oh gosh, she's going to kill me. [Phoebe Buffay] I suppose I could tell her it's just all my fault. [Rachel Green] Ohh that'd be great! [Phoebe Buffay] Mon, can I talk to you for a sec? [Monica Geller] Yeah, what is it? [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, I lost one of your earrings. I'm sorry! I am so, so sorry! [Monica Geller] Wow! All right well, I mean, what can you do? If you lost it you lost it. [Phoebe Buffay] I will replace it, I promise. I feel so terrible. [Monica Geller] All right, sweetie that's fine. You didn't do it on purpose. [Phoebe Buffay] No. [Monica Geller] Look at you! Come here! Feel better? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! You're the best! [Rachel Green] Okay, wait a minute. Wait a minute, I-I-I, I can't do this. Listen honey, this is, it's not Phoebe's fault. She lent me the earrings, and I lost it. I'm so sorry. Honey, I feel terrible too. [Monica Geller] That is exactly why I do not lend you stuff!! Okay?! I mean, first it's my jewelry! And if it's not my jewelry, it's-it's my blue sweater! And if it's not my sweater, it's my sunglasses! [Rachel Green] Your sunglasses?! [Monica Geller] Yes! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, right! [Caitlin] Pizza! [Ross Geller] Oh, mine! Mine! Mine! Okay, here goes. Prepare yourselves for some Class A flirting. [Chandler Bing] Okay, hold on. Okay. [Rachel Green] Honey, you have nothing to prove. And if you really like this girl, I don't flirting is the right thing to... [Ross Geller] You'll see. Okay. Oh, what's-what's her name? [#ALL#] Caitlin! [Grandma Tribbiani] Caitlin! [Ross Geller] Hey! Oh, we-we can't keep eating like this. [Caitlin] It's uh, $12.50. [Ross Geller] Okay, so, do you make the pizzas in one of those uh, wood-burning ovens? [Caitlin] No actually umm, I think that they're umm, gas. [Ross Geller] Gas? Wow! Intense. [Chandler Bing] If this is the way all the Gellers flirt, we don't have a problem. [Ross Geller] Hey uh, y'know that smell gas has? [Caitlin] Yeah. [Ross Geller] They put that in. [Caitlin] What?! [Ross Geller] The gas is odorless, but they add the smell so you know when there's a leak. [Caitlin] Well okay! [Ross Geller] A lot of other gas smells... [Chandler Bing] Oh the humanity. [Ross Geller] Meth-methane smells... [Caitlin] Y'know what umm, actually I, I really, I should go. [Ross Geller] Oh but I-I-I haven't paid you yet! [Caitlin] Y'know what? That's okay, you guys have ordered so many that this one is on me! [Ross Geller] Was I talking to her about gas? [Chandler Bing] More so than anything else. [Phoebe Buffay] I-I-I found it interesting. [Rachel Green] I'm sorry. [Ross Geller] Look, no-no, hey, hey, don't worry about it! In nine years, she and I will be right there. [Rachel Green] Okay, well, I'm gonna clear out some of these boxes. [Phoebe Buffay] Ross? [Ross Geller] Yeah? [Phoebe Buffay] What else do they add smell too? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey! Hey! Hi! Hey-hey-hey, I'm Rachel! From upstairs? The ones with all the pizza? [Caitlin] Oh, is there a problem? [Rachel Green] No. No. Every thing's--they're fine. Great pizza. But it's uh, actually umm my friend Ross. He uh, just gets really nervous when he's flirting. [Caitlin] Oh my God! That was flirting?! [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Caitlin] Wow! [Rachel Green] I know, I know, but uh just, I'm telling you, once, once you get past that part, that where it-it just feels like you wanna die, he's-he's really a good person. [Caitlin] The guy with the gas?! [Rachel Green] Yeah. I'm-I'm telling you he's really sweet and he's really funny and he's just ugh, got a good heart. And besides, I y'know, I think he really likes you. [Caitlin] Really?! [Rachel Green] Well y'know, we have 7 people and like 10 pizzas, what do you think? [Caitlin] I just, I thought Joey was there. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey Ross? Umm, I just ran into Caitlin in the hallway and-and uh, you must be getting better at this flirting stuff than I thought. [Ross Geller] What do you mean? [Rachel Green] Well, I don't get it, but she wanted me to give you her phone number. [Ross Geller] And she just gave you this? [Rachel Green] Yeah! [Ross Geller] Rach, thanks but uh, I don't need you doing me any favors. [Rachel Green] I-I-I didn't! I didn't! She thought you were cute. [Ross Geller] Well that I can believe. [Rachel Green] Yay! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Is the show still on? [Chandler Bing] Almost over man. [Joey Tribbiani] Look! Oh! Is that the Pope?! [Chandler Bing] Why am I looking? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, here I am, here's my big scene! [Joey Tribbiani] All right back off! I gotta gun! I'm not afraid to use it! [Grandma Tribbiani] Oh Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] That's right! [Chandler Bing] You couldn't have at least changed your shirt. [Joey Tribbiani] Now, I wanna a suitcase filled with 100,000 dollars. Choo! Choo! Choo! Filled with $100,000 in small bills, and if I don't get it... Choo!! And if I don't get it, I'm gonna shoot this duck! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no! [Joey Tribbiani] I'm comin' out! [Ross Geller] And she's supposed to buy this?! [Grandma Tribbiani] Joey, bravo! [Chandler Bing] Ground control to Major Tom! Commencing countdown...engines...on! [Joey Tribbiani] That's uh, scenes from next week's show. Next week's! [Phoebe Buffay] I am definitely gonna watch that! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] What about these? These look the same? [Phoebe Buffay] Definitely! [Monica Geller] Not as each other! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, then no. [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hi! [Chandler Bing] You ready? [Monica Geller] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] You look amazing. I'm the luckiest man in the world. [Monica Geller] Ohh, you're about to get a little luckier. [Chandler Bing] Let me see the earrings. [Monica Geller] Oh, honey, the earrings... [Chandler Bing] They look great! Does your boyfriend have the best taste or what? [Monica Geller] My boyfriend really does have good taste! [Chandler Bing] Thanks for picking out the earrings man. [Ross Geller] Hm-mmm.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e19", "title": "The One Where Ross Can't Flirt"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Ride-Along [Monica Geller] Okay, guys, listen, don't forget that tomorrow is the day that Emily gets married again, so whatever we do, just try to really keep Ross's mind off of it. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, yeah, good idea. [Chandler Bing] Hey man, what's up? [Ross Geller] Oh, eh, just thinking about Emily getting married tomorrow. [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh, Ross, look! Look! [Ross Geller] What? Where? [Joey Tribbiani] Right over there! Right there! Look-look-look! [Ross Geller] What am I looking at? [Joey Tribbiani] Somebody help me out here! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Gary] Hello! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Gary] How are you? [Phoebe Buffay] Monica, I'm sorry I didn't come by last night. I was out with Gary; he let me ride around with him in his cop car. We saw and prevented crimes. [Joey Tribbiani] You got to go on a ride along?! [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh! [Joey Tribbiani] I want to go on a ride along! [Ross Geller] Me too! [Gary] Okay! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, yeah! Me too! [Gary] Really?! You? [Chandler Bing] Yeah. [Gary] Well, it's kinda dangerous. [Chandler Bing] Well, I like danger. [Gary] Okay, you guys free tonight? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah!! [Chandler Bing] Tonight? You-you didn't say it was going to be at nighttime. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! Oh, I'm so glad you're home, I thought tonight we could finally organize these photos! [Rachel Green] Ohh, thank God! Finally! [Monica Geller] Okay, I've broken them down into categories. Okay, we have uh, we got holidays, birthdays, candids, y'know... And then what I've done is I've cross-referenced them by subject. Right? So if you're looking up, oh let's say birthdays and dogs, you get Photo 152. See? [Rachel Green] Ohh, it's me and La Poo! Wow! I miss that dog. [Monica Geller] You can also find him under umm, dog and dead. [Rachel Green] Great! Thanks! [Monica Geller] All right, hand me that other box of photos; that's the very last one. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Rachel Green] Oops. Sorry! Well, good thing you number all of them, huh? [Monica Geller] I hadn't! Photo 152 was a prototype. [Rachel Green] Ohhhh. Honey, honey, honey, it's okay, it's okay honey. I'm gonna fix you a drink, huh? Maybe a margarita? [Ross Geller] Ross has the blender! Ugh, everything's just falling apart! [Rachel Green] No honey, it's okay! Listen, I'll got to Ross's and get the blender, you get all the margarita stuff ready. [Monica Geller] All right, he's keys are in the drawer. Y'know what? I also need some cash. [Rachel Green] Okay, you want me to stop at the ATM? [Monica Geller] Nah, while you're at Ross's if you see any lying around... [Rachel Green] What?! [Monica Geller] What?! I-I-I don't, I don't do that! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] That was so cool man, the way you leaned on that guy. [Chandler Bing] It is starting to get dark out there. [Ross Geller] He told you everything! I mean you totally cracked him! [Gary] Yeah well, being that he was the victim, they're usually pretty talkative. [Chandler Bing] Okay. But it is officially nighttime. [Ross Geller] Oh hey, Gary, want me to grab the berry for ya? [Gary] It's called the cherry. [Ross Geller] It's the-Chandler!! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, I got it! This place makes the best sandwich in the world! [Gary] Hey Joe does it have meatballs on it? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh-ho, yeah! [Gary] Does it have melted cheese and marinara sauce? [Joey Tribbiani] Yep! [Gary] Yeah, you can't eat that in my car. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah okay. Even though my tax dollars paid for this car. [Chandler Bing] Your tax dollars? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, okay. [Chandler Bing] Wow! That sandwich really does smell good. [Joey Tribbiani] Did I say you could smell it?! [Chandler Bing] I can't smell your sandwich? [Joey Tribbiani] Half the taste is in the smell! You-you're sucking up all the tastiness! [Chandler Bing] Okay, I'll give them back. Look! What is so great about that sandwich? [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, imagine the best sex you've ever had. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Are you thinking about Monica? [Chandler Bing] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, what's that like? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ohh please don't be from a real dinosaur! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Made in Mexico! Yes!! Ugh, who would buy this?! [Monica Geller] Rach! It's me! Pick up! [Rachel Green] Hey! What's up?! [Monica Geller] I need a few more things to make the margaritas. Uhh, I need some salt, some margarita mix, and tequila. [Rachel Green] So all we have is ice? [Monica Geller] See if he has ice. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Emily Waltham] Hello Ross? It's Emily. I know this is out of the blue but uh, I'm getting married tomorrow. Well, maybe I am. I keep thinking about you and I'm wondering if-if we made a mistake giving up so fast. Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye. [Rachel Green] Oh. Oh! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] So where are we going next? [Gary] This witness won't return my calls so we're gonna see if we can surprise him coming home. [Chandler Bing] Sur-surprise him? We're not, we're not gonna make anybody mad are we? [Joey Tribbiani] Come on man! Listen so uh, are you gonna squeeze the perps shoes a little bit before he lawyers up? [Gary] It's a witness not a perp. And no one talks like that! [Ross Geller] Yeah, no one talks like that! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh what? Like your Mr. Cop! [Ross Geller] Hey, I'm more cop than you two! [Chandler Bing] How do you figure that? [Ross Geller] Hello! I'm in the front seat, okay? I'm Gary's partner! [Chandler Bing] Y'know, when you say partner it doesn't sound cop. It, it sounds gay. [Ross Geller] Umm, jealous! [Gary] Hey, do you mind? We're under cover here. [Ross Geller] Yeah, no problem. [Gary] Ross! [Ross Geller] Sorry! Sorry! Oh, there! Hey Gary, who am I? Phone home! [Chandler Bing] Look at Officer Ross riding back here with the visitors. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, what's up with that Serpico? --------------------------------------- [Emily Waltham] Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye. [Monica Geller] Nooo! [Rachel Green] I know! [Monica Geller] Well thank God you were here! I mean, we have to erase that! [Rachel Green] What?! We can't do that! [Monica Geller] We have too! I mean what if Ross's hears that and then calls her back and then they get back together? Is that what you want? Ross back with that controlling, neurotic, crazy Emily? The Emily that wouldn't let him see you? [Rachel Green] Noo! Oh no! No! God no! He should not get back together with her. I know that! You know that! Even Ross knows that! But that still doesn't give us the right to erase his message! [Monica Geller] I'm his sister, okay? I love him! I don't want to see him get hurt! Come on! Doesn't that give me the right to control him-help him? [Rachel Green] I don't think he's the one who needs help. [Monica Geller] No, look, she's obviously unstable, okay? I mean she's thinking about running out on her wedding day. Okay, fine! But I mean, look at the position she's putting him in! What's he gonna do? Ross is gonna run over there on the wedding day and break up the marriage?! I mean, who would do that?! Okay, fine, all right, but that's y'know, it's different! Although it did involve a lot of the same people. [Rachel Green] Ugh! [Monica Geller] Y'know what, this is obviously some kind of twisted joke she's trying to play on him. [Rachel Green] Okay, you are crazy! I'm sorry, but she sounded generally upset! I mean, listen! [Answering Machine] Your messages have been erased. [Rachel Green] Noooooooo! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Okay, y'know, we-we're safe right? I mean nothing bad can go down! [Gary] No. But that reminds me, sign this. [Ross Geller] What is it? [Gary] Oh it's nothing, it just says that you can't sue the city if you scrap your knee or y'know, get your head blown off. [Chandler Bing] Oh, hurry up. I want to sign that. [Gary] Okay, here he comes. What is he doing? What the hell is he doing?! [Ross Geller] What? What? What? What is it? [Joey Tribbiani] Is everything okay? [Chandler Bing] What's going on? [Gary] Okay, he sees us. Now don't move. Don't look at him. [Gary] Hey, it's okay. It was just a car backfire. Hey, look at that! You tried to save your buddy. You see that? You see what he did? [Joey Tribbiani] You okay man? [Ross Geller] Uh-huh. Thank Joey! [Chandler Bing] Uh, HELLO!! [Joey Tribbiani] Hi. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] All right, I guess we should go. [Rachel Green] No, wait. Wait. [Monica Geller] Oh yeah right! [Rachel Green] No, Monica! Monica! We have to fix this! [Monica Geller] There's nothing we can do. You erased the message! [Rachel Green] Yeah well unless we tell him. [Monica Geller] Well, if you're gonna be totally rational about this, I can't argue with you! All right? Fine, if you wanna tell him, tell him. I just don't want to be a part of it. [Rachel Green] Oh, maybe that's Emily calling back to leave the exact same message. [Ross Geller] Hey Ross! It's you! I just want you to remember this feeling. You are lucky to be alive! So live everyday to the fullest. Love yourself, okay? Okay. Oh, and also get stamps. Bye! [Monica Geller] Wow! Play that message for Emily and this whole problem goes away! [Rachel Green] Right? --------------------------------------- [Gary] Hey, anybody want to meet a hero? [Phoebe Buffay] John Glenn is here?! [Gary] No, Joey! [Ross Geller] Pheebs, we had the most incredible night! Okay, so, we're in the car... [Gary] Wait! Hold on! Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Hi! [Gary] Okay, go ahead. [Ross Geller] Okay, okay, so we're in the car. Right? And bang! A shot was fired. And Joey with no regard for his own safety throws himself on me! [Phoebe Buffay] My God, Joey! [Chandler Bing] It was a car backfire! [Ross Geller] Yeah, but-but he didn't know that! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I didn't know that. [Ross Geller] And it could've just as easily have been a bullet. [Gary] Hey Joe, you ever think about joining the force? We could use a guy like you. [Chandler Bing] Who jumps at loud noises! [Ross Geller] Wow! I could've died tonight. [Chandler Bing] Yeah! If the car that backfired had run over you! Y'know what, I think I'll go home before Ross starts rambling about his newfound respect for life. [Ross Geller] I do have a newfound respect for life. [Chandler Bing] Oh my God! [Gary] So you wanna get some dinner? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! Sure! Yep! Oh, y'know what? If I heard a shot right now, I'd throw my body on you. [Gary] Oh yeah? Well maybe you and I should take a walk through a bad neighborhood. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay! [Gary] All right. [Phoebe Buffay] Bye! [Joey Tribbiani] Bye! [Joey Tribbiani] Cut it out Ross! I hate to have to save your life and kick your ass in the same day! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Dude! How come you took off? [Chandler Bing] Oh, I just went for a walk, around the living room. Whatever... [Joey Tribbiani] Is something wrong? [Chandler Bing] No. No I'm just tired. Y'know, from-from the walk. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Chandler Bing] You dove in front of Ross! Ross! [Joey Tribbiani] That's what this is about! Oh my God, you hate Ross! [Chandler Bing] I do not hate Ross! [Joey Tribbiani] Of course you do! I saved him! You're mad at me! It all adds up! You want Ross out of the picture. [Chandler Bing] What picture? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know, but I don't like what I'm hearing! [Chandler Bing] Look I'm very glad that you saved Ross from the car backfire, but y'know, it could've been a bullet and you y'know, you didn't try to save me! [Joey Tribbiani] Ohh, you're upset because you think I chose Ross over you! No! I...knew...you could take care of yourself. Y'know, I mean Ross, he need help. He's not street like us! [Chandler Bing] When it comes down to it, you would risk your life for Ross before you would for me. That's the bottom line. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, no, not exactly! All right, look, I, I wasn't trying to save Ross. Okay? My sandwich was next to Ross. All right? I was, I was trying to save my sandwich. [Chandler Bing] From a bullet! [Joey Tribbiani] I know it doesn't make much sense... [Chandler Bing] Much sense?! [Joey Tribbiani] Look Chandler, it was instinct! Okay? I just went for it! [Chandler Bing] So you risked your life, for a sandwich! [Joey Tribbiani] I know it sounds crazy, but Chandler this is the greatest sandwich in the world! [Chandler Bing] So you didn't uh, choose Ross before me. [Joey Tribbiani] No! I would never do that! You-you're like my brother! [Chandler Bing] Really?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! In fact, to prove how much you mean to me, here. [Chandler Bing] Thanks. [Joey Tribbiani] No, eh, oh-oi, easy, it's not a hot dog! [Joey Tribbiani] How good is that? [Chandler Bing] Oh-oi-ho, yeah! [Joey Tribbiani] See? [Chandler Bing] Hm-hmm. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh-whoa-hey, dude, what are you doing?! [Chandler Bing] I thought you were showing me how much you mean to me. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. With a bite! Gee-e-e-eez! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey! Hi! [Ross Geller] Rach, what uh, what are you doing here? [Rachel Green] Hey! Y'know what? You are in our apartment all the time! Okay? This is, this is just a drop in the bucket mister! [Ross Geller] Y'know, it-it doesn't matter. The important thing is that you're here. You're my friend, and you're here. Oh! [Rachel Green] Okay, just a little scared. What's going on Ross? [Ross Geller] The most amazing thing happened tonight. I thought my number was up. I had an actual near death experience! [Rachel Green] What?! What? What happened?! [Ross Geller] Okay, okay, we were on the ride along with Gary, right? [Rachel Green] Yeah! [Ross Geller] And somebody took a shot at me! [Rachel Green] Really?! [Ross Geller] No, a car backfired, but I thought somebody was taking a shot at me. And Rach, I...I survived! And I was filled with this-this great respect for life. Y'know? I-I want to experience every moment. I want to seize every opportunity. I-I am seeing everything so-so clearly now. [Rachel Green] Because a car backfired? [Ross Geller] Okay, why are you here? [Rachel Green] Well, I-I-I don't know how this fits into your whole "seizing" thing but um, Emily called you today. [Ross Geller] You talked to her? [Rachel Green] No, she left a message. But it-it kinda got erased. There's just something wrong with your machine. [Ross Geller] Well, okay, what-what did she say? [Rachel Green] Well, uh something about having second thoughts about the wedding and did you guys make a mistake breaking up and uh, she wants you to call her. [Ross Geller] Wow! [Rachel Green] Now, that-that was a good thing that I told you, right? [Ross Geller] Huh? Yeah! Yes, of course! [Rachel Green] Okay. Thank you! Thank you! Because-I'm sorry, all right. Because y'know what? She didn't want me-not important. The point is, I was right. Your decision. Okay? I was right. Your decision. [Ross Geller] Right. I guess, I guess I should call Emily. [Rachel Green] Okay, no, that's not the right decision. That's not, that's not right, no Ross-Ross, come on! I mean, that woman made you miserable! Okay, Ross, do you really want to get back into that? [Ross Geller] Okay, look, yesterday I would've even considered calling her back, but my ex-wife calls on the same day I have a near death experience. I mean, that-that has got to mean something! [Rachel Green] Ugh, Ross! That was not a near death experience! That was barely an experience! [Ross Geller] You weren't there! Okay, maybe this is something that I-I'm supposed to seize! Y'know? [Rachel Green] Okay, y'know what? Maybe, this is not about seizing stuff. Maybe this is about escaping stuff. [Ross Geller] Huh. [Rachel Green] I mean, look-look today you escaped death, y'know? And maybe this is a chance for you to escape getting back together with Emily? [Ross Geller] That does make sense. Because I do wanna seize some opportunity, but I-I really don't wanna see or talk to her. [Rachel Green] Well, there you go! [Ross Geller] Yeah. Maybe today is just, close call day. [Rachel Green] Close call day. [Ross Geller] Hey, thanks Rach. [Rachel Green] Ohh, honey no problem. Okay. [Ross Geller] Oh wait-wait-wait! The message is blinking. Maybe you didn't erase it. [Rachel Green] Oh? [Ross Geller] "Hey Ross, it's you!" Oh yeah, no that's-that's an old message, nobody needs to hear that. [Rachel Green] No. [Ross Geller] Hey umm, was-was Monica here? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Yeah, I want my money back. [Rachel Green] Yeah, uh you-you probably need that for stamps, right? --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey Pheebs, has Gary ever been shot at for real? [Phoebe Buffay] Yes. Once. Yeah, a little. He kinda did it to himself. It's not really a good story. [Ross Geller] I wonder how I would react under fire, y'know? And not backfire but-but heavy fire, like I was in a war or something. [Monica Geller] Man, I would be great in a war! I mean, I really, I think I would make a fantastic military leader. I mean I know I would make General way before any of you guys. [Chandler Bing] Before or after you were shot by your own troops? [Ross Geller] I know where Joey would be. He would be down in the foxhole protecting all of us. [Chandler Bing] Yes, if the foxhole was lined with sandwiches. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, hero sandwiches. [Phoebe Buffay] Well you all know that I'm a pacifist so I'm not interested in war in any way. But y'know what? When the revolution comes, I will have to destroy you all. Not you Joey.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e20", "title": "The One With The Ride-Along"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Ball [Gary] Would you like some more coffee, baby-doll? [Phoebe Buffay] I'm fine, thanks. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, see, I can't pull of baby-doll can I? [Monica Geller] No. I think we learned that from the sugarlips incident. I'm gonna get some tea. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Chandler Bing] Hiya doin' pumpkin? [Phoebe Buffay] Nope. [Monica Geller] So it looks like it's going really well for you two, huh? [Gary] I know, really well. In fact, I'm gonna ask Phoebe to move in with me. [Monica Geller] Oh my God! [Gary] What do you, what do you think? [Monica Geller] I think that is so great! When are you gonna ask her? [Gary] Tonight, but don't say anything. Okay? [Monica Geller] I swear, I promise. I promise. Oh my God, I'm so excited! {And I just can't hide it! I'm about to lose control and I think I like it! Sorry, just couldn't resist it.} All right, listen let me tell you, do not get her flowers. Okay? Because y'know, she cries when they die, and there's the whole funeral... [Gary] I'll see you after work sweetie. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Bye! [Phoebe Buffay] So, what movie should we see? [Monica Geller] Gary's gonna ask you to move in with him!! [Phoebe Buffay] What?! Really?! [Monica Geller] He just told me at the counter. He made me promise not to tell, but I couldn't hold it in any longer! [Phoebe Buffay] I can't believe this! [Chandler Bing] Right, because it's fast. Because, it's so fast. It's fast! [Monica Geller] Relax! It's Phoebe! Not you! [Chandler Bing] Oh! Good for you Pheebs, way to go! [Phoebe Buffay] No, but it is fast. Isn't it? [Monica Geller] Ohhhh! [Phoebe Buffay] No, I like him a lot but I don't think I'm ready for this! [Chandler Bing] So, what are you gonna do? [Phoebe Buffay] I don't know. I'll just handle it-I'll ask you to talk to him! [Chandler Bing] Me?! Why me? [Phoebe Buffay] Because you are so afraid of commitment! You talk to him, make him scared like you! Make him a...man! [Chandler Bing] I'll try, but I'm not sure what good it would do, y'know? Because I'm a lot less afraid of commitment than I used to be. [Monica Geller] That is so sweet! [Chandler Bing] Still terrified, I'll take care of it. No problem. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Ross, is uh, is Staten Island really an island? [Ross Geller] Uh-huh, that's why they call it Staten Island. [Joey Tribbiani] Ohhh. I thought it was like Long Island. [Ross Geller] Also an island. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, what time is it? [Ross Geller] 2:17. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! You realize that we've been throwing this ball, without dropping it, for like an hour? [Ross Geller] Are you serious?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it. [Ross Geller] Wow! We are pretty good at this! Hey! We totally forgot about lunch! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I-I, I think that's the first time I ever missed a meal! Yeah, my pants are a little loose! [Rachel Green] Hey, you guys... [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Rachel Green] Is Monica here? [Joey Tribbiani] No. [Rachel Green] All right listen umm, I just bought something I'm not sure she's gonna like it, and it's gonna seem a little crazy, but this is something that I wanted since I was a little girl. [Ross Geller] You bought Shawn Cassidy! [Rachel Green] Noo! I wish! Okay, you ready? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! [Rachel Green] Okay! Check it out! [Ross Geller] What-what is it?! [Joey Tribbiani] What the hell is that?!! [Rachel Green] It's a, it's a cat! [Joey Tribbiani] That, is not a cat! {I have to agree with Joey on this one.} [Rachel Green] Yes it is! [Ross Geller] Why is it inside out?! [Rachel Green] Excuse me! But this is a purebred, show-quality Sphinx cat! [Ross Geller] How much did you pay for that? [Rachel Green] Well, it was a little extravagant, but I a pretty good deal. [Ross Geller] Yeah? How much? [Rachel Green] A thousand bucks. [Ross Geller] ON A CAT??!!!! [Joey Tribbiani] It's not a cat! [Rachel Green] All right listen ball boys! My grandmother had one of these when I was a little girl and it was the sweetest thing! I mean it was so cute, it would sit in my lap and purr all day long, and I would drag a shoestring on the ground and he would chase it! [Ross Geller] Free cats do that too, y'know. {Which reminds me, if I might get a little political here, support your local animal shelter. Pet shops are not the place to buy dogs and cats from, you get a much better deal from the shelter, plus they probably won't die on you in a week and a half. If you want a leash, go to the pet shop. If you want the dog for that leash, go to the shelter and save it's life. Now back to regularly scheduled programming.} [Joey Tribbiani] It's not a cat! [Rachel Green] Ugh! Look you guys, I'm really excited about this! Okay? I don't care what you think! I'm gonna go set up a little litter box for Mrs. Whiskerson. Well, what am I gonna call her? Fluffy?! [Ross Geller] Hey, you wanna get something to eat or uh, do you wanna see how long we can throw this ball back and forth? Huh? [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh, the ball thing. [Ross Geller] Yeah? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Ross, wouldn't it be great if we could go two straight hours without dropping it?! [Ross Geller] Uhh, yeah it would! Let's do it! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay! [Joey Tribbiani] Uh-oh. [Ross Geller] What? [Joey Tribbiani] I have to pee. And Rachel's in the bathroom! [Joey Tribbiani] Man, I didn't think we were gonna make it! [Ross Geller] I know! Don't switch hands, okay? --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey ladies! What are you in here for? [Gary] Hey Chandler, what are you doing here? [Chandler Bing] Gary, I'm here to report a crime. [Gary] Yeah? [Chandler Bing] It is a crime that you and I don't spend more time together. [Gary] What's up? [Chandler Bing] Well, I heard that you thinking about asking Phoebe to move in with you and I thought maybe, we should have a talk. Man to uh, me. [Gary] Sure. Okay. [Chandler Bing] Uh, are you crazy? Are you insane? If you live with Phoebe, you two are gonna be y'know, live-living together! [Gary] Yeah, I-I considered that. I just know it would make me happy. [Chandler Bing] You mean scared. [Gary] No, I mean happy. [Chandler Bing] Scared? Happy? [Gary] Chandler, what-what are you doing? [Chandler Bing] I am trying to open your eyes, my man! Don't you see, if you lived with Phoebe she's always gonna be there. You're gonna get home, she's there. You go to bed, she's there. You wake up and oh yes, she's there! [Gary] I know! I can't wait! [Chandler Bing] Were you're parents happy, or something? [Gary] Listen Chandler, the way I see it is that I was lucky enough to find someone that I really love. I just-I wanna be around her as much as I can. [Chandler Bing] Wow, y'know when you say it, it doesn't sound so scary. [Gary] So you know what I'm talking about, right? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I think I do! Y'know what? You move in with her! You move in with her right now! Maybe I should in with Monica! [Gary] No, it's too soon for you guys. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, you're right about that. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] ...now when they found the remains of the Mesozoic Mastodon they discovered what appeared to be the remains of a Paleozoic Amphibian in its jaws! How did it get there?! [Joey Tribbiani] Maybe this should be more of a quiet game. [Monica Geller] Hey guys! [Joey Tribbiani] Hi! [Monica Geller] Joey, I left my watch on the counter last night. It was right here, where is it? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know. [Monica Geller] All right, come on, I'm-I'm late for work! [Ross Geller] How do you know? You don't have a watch. [Monica Geller] Guys, could you please just stop throwing the ball for one minute and just help me find it! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I don't know.... Yeah, can't do it. [Monica Geller] What?! [Ross Geller] Monica, whatever you do, do not drop that ball! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, we haven't dropped it in... [Ross Geller] 2 hours, 27 minutes. [Monica Geller] Really?! [Monica Geller] I-I'm not gonna be able to make it into work today, I don't feel very good. Yes!! Wow! Uh, for a second there I thought I was really better, but I'm not. [Ross Geller] Hey Rach! [Rachel Green] Hey. [Ross Geller] Check it out! Almost 3 hours without droppin' it! [Rachel Green] Oh, wow! Congratulations, that's quite a waste of time. [Monica Geller] Rach? [Rachel Green] Yeah? [Monica Geller] You have scratches all over you, what happened? [Rachel Green] Well, it's my cat. [Monica Geller] What?! [Rachel Green] Oh yeah, I got a cat. [Monica Geller] I don't want a cat! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, don't worry, it's not a cat. [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Rachel Green] You guys this cat is nothing like my grandmother's cat. I mean, it's not sweet, it's not cute, I even dragged that little string on the ground, and it just flipped out and scratched the hell out of me. And I swear, I know this sounds crazy, but every time this cat hisses at me I know it's saying, "Rachel!" [Ross Geller] Doesn't sound as crazy as paying a thousand dollars for a cat. [Monica Geller] What?! You paid a thousand dollars for a cat when you owe me 300!! [Rachel Green] Well, I was gonna let you play with it. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Hmm, did you talk to Gary about the moving in thing? [Chandler Bing] Yes I did, and I think you should do it. [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Chandler Bing] He's a great guy, y'know? And he loves you a lot, you are a very lucky lady. [Phoebe Buffay] You are useless! Freaking out about commitment is the one thing you can do! The one thing! And you can't even do that right! God! [Chandler Bing] I'm sorry. If you ask me, I'd move in with him. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh!! God! Ooh! Get out of here, good for nothing. [Gary] Hey Chandler. [Chandler Bing] Hey Gar! [Gary] Hi sweetie. Hi, can I talk to you for a second? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! Okay. [Gary] You look very pretty today. [Phoebe Buffay] Thanks! Okay. [Gary] Here's the thing. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? [Gary] Y'know I really want to move this relationship forward. [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-hmm. [Gary] Because if you're not moving forward, y'know you're just moving backwards. [Phoebe Buffay] No that's not true. If you're not moving forward, you're just staying still. And staying still is good. Watch this. [Gary] Phoebe? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? [Gary] I want you to move in with me. [Phoebe Buffay] That is so sweet. But don't you think it's a little too soon? I mean there's so much we don't know about each other. [Gary] Oh. Oh-oh-okay, I get it. [Phoebe Buffay] I just-I don't want us to jump into something we're not ready for. [Gary] Uh-huh. [Phoebe Buffay] I really don't want to mess up what we have. I'm just-I'm worried it's gonna be a big mistake. [Gary] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] Which is why my answer is yes! [Gary] Really?! [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh! I'm so...happy. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Monica! Stop throwing it so hard! We're on the same team! [Chandler Bing] Four hours? You guys have been doing this for four hours? [Joey Tribbiani] That's right baby. [Chandler Bing] All right, let me in. [Monica Geller] No-no! Don't do it! Don't! [Chandler Bing] What? [Monica Geller] He's a dropper! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah, that's right! [Chandler Bing] I'm not a dropper! [Ross Geller] It's really a uh-uh three person game, y'know? [Chandler Bing] It's throwing and catching! [Ross Geller] All right. [Chandler Bing] Oh! Oh! That's so hard. [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa-whoa you guys, it's not a cat! [Monica Geller] Oh my-Oh good God! [Rachel Green] I give up you guys, I don't know what I'm going to do with this thing! [Ross Geller] Baking it didn't help, huh? [Monica Geller] So, why don't you just take it back to where you got it? [Rachel Green] I tried! They won't take her back. [Chandler Bing] Maybe that's because she's a minion of the anti-Christ. [Monica Geller] Rach, why won't they take it back? [Rachel Green] Well, they said would but they would only give me store credit. I mean, what am I going to do, get a thousand regular cats? [Monica Geller] Look, if you want you can keep it at our place until you find out what to do with it. [Rachel Green] No Mon that's not the point. I'm out a thousand dollars, I'm all scratched up, and I'm stuck with this stupid cat that looks like a hand! [Monica Geller] Oh my God, the cat's made my eyes water! Don't-don't throw it to me! My vision's been compromised!! Oh God! Okay. Okay. It's okay. Man, that was close. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, you almost overreacted to something. [Gary] Hey! [#ALL#] Hey! [Gary] We have great news! [Phoebe Buffay] We're moving in together! Isn't it great! Yay! [#ALL#] Congratulations! Congrats! [Phoebe Buffay] I know, I'm so excited! [Gary] So am I! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, you're not more excited than I am! No way! I'm the most excited! [Gary] Okay, I'll see you at the station later. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, yeah, I'll see you later! Don't forget about the moving in! [Gary] All right. [Monica Geller] So you're moving in with him. What happened? [Phoebe Buffay] I couldn't tell him no. He got so sad. Maybe it'll be all right. I do really like him a lot and probably do it eventually anyway and plus, think of all the money I'll save on stamps. [Monica Geller] Why, do you write him a lot? [Phoebe Buffay] No, I just heard when people live together, they split the cost of stamps. Don't they? [#ALL#] Yeah! That's right. Yeah-yeah! Yeah! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I'm sorry, the oven mitts really freaked me out. --------------------------------------- [Gary] Hey, honey! Okay, so did you find any apartments? Anything in Brooklyn Heights? [Phoebe Buffay] No, nothing. [Gary] Oh really? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. [Gary] Nothing at all? [Phoebe Buffay] No, as soon as something opens up we'll move right in. Unless it doesn't have a pool, I need a pool. [Gary] Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second? [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh! [Gary] Take a seat. You okay? You feeling all right? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I feel great. 'Cause we're moving in together. [Gary] So you uh, you checked the paper for listings in Brooklyn Heights, right? You-you checked the Post? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, uh-huh, there was nothing. Can I get some water? [Gary] In a minute. You-you checked today's Post? [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, yeah! Today's. [Gary] 'Cause uh, this is today's Post and uh, these are the listings I found. Brooklyn Heights, two bedroom. Brooklyn Heights, one bedroom. Brooklyn Heights, Brooklyn Heights, Brooklyn Heights! [Phoebe Buffay] Are these for rent! I thought people were just bragging! [Gary] Let me tell you what I think might be going on. No-no-no, don't look at the table. Look at me. Okay, I think somebody asked someone to move in with them. And I think someone said, "Yes" but now she's having doubts because things are moving to fast for someone. Does that sound at all possible to you? [Phoebe Buffay] Yes. Yes! Fine! I am someone! You want me to say it? I have doubts! I'm sorry! [Gary] Phoebe... [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? [Gary] Phoebe, it's okay that you feel this way. I mean it is soon. And there's a lot of things we don't know about each other, and I just figure that everything I really like. And the things I don't know, I get to learn about at someplace with both our names on the mailbox. [Phoebe Buffay] That's so sweet. [Gary] Sweethart, but none of that matters if it's too soon for you. It's fine! We don't have to move in together. I just-I want you to be happy [Phoebe Buffay] Living with you would make me happy. [Gary] Phoebe, you don't have to say that. [Phoebe Buffay] No, I really wanna live with you! I wanna move in with you! [Gary] Are you sure? [Phoebe Buffay] Yes. Definitely! Yes! Let's live in an apartment that we both live in! [Gary] Oh that's great! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh wait, one sec. One sec. Hey you! Behind the glass! Who are you looking at! I've always wanted to say that when I was in one of these rooms, which was never! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Show cat! Quality show cat! Show cat! [Woman No. 1] Oh my God! What's wrong with your baby?! [Rachel Green] It's not a baby! It's a cat! [Woman No. 1] Eew! It's creepy looking! [Rachel Green] Oh no! No! It's actually-it's very sweet. It's very sweet. Look! Yeah, do you want it? [Woman No. 1] No, I hate cats. [Rachel Green] Well, so then what are you doing to me? Okay? Just get out of here! All right? Move on! [Woman No. 2] Wow! What an unusual cat! [Rachel Green] Yes! Thank you! Exactly! You want it? [Woman No. 2] Maybe. I was thinking about getting a cat, I was just going to go to the shelter but... Okay, why not? [Rachel Green] Oh, terrific! That'll be $2,000. [Woman No. 2] What?! [Rachel Green] Okay, a thousand. [Woman No. 2] I thought you wanted to adopt your cat. [Rachel Green] Well, I do, but you're just gonna have to actually look at this as more of an investment than a cat. [Woman No. 2] Okay, yeah, I just wanted a cat. [Rachel Green] Obviously you know how to haggle, so I'm not gonna try and take you on. Okay? So $800 and I don't call the cops because you're robbing me blind! Blind! Just take cat, leave the money, and run away! Run away! Damnit! Cat, can't you at least smile or something?! Okay, did anybody just hear that? Anybody? --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] I'm starving! [Monica Geller] Come on guys! Suck it up! We're closing in on ten hours! It's gut-check time! [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know who made you the boss? All right? We invented this game! [Monica Geller] Please! I made this game what it is. [Chandler Bing] Not fun anymore? [Ross Geller] I'm still hungry! [Monica Geller] All right, there's some pizza at my place, we can all eat with one hand right? Are you with me? [Ross Geller] I am! [Monica Geller] All right! Let's go! Let's go Team Monica! All right, we can work out the name later. [Monica Geller] Rachel! What is your cat doing in one of my bowls! [Rachel Green] It's not! I'm defrosting a chicken. Oh, I uh sold Mrs. Whiskerson. [Ross Geller] Oh, thank God! [Joey Tribbiani] Did you get your money back? [Rachel Green] Yeah, 15 hundred dollars. [Monica Geller] Wow! You made a profit! [Gunther] I just came for the red-velvet pillow. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah, there you go. [Gunther] Thanks Rachel. And-and don't forget you-you can come visit her anytime you want. [Rachel Green] Oh good, great! I'll-I'll keep that in mind. [Gunther] Hey! So what is this? Some kind of snake or something? --------------------------------------- [Gary] I really like waking up with you. [Phoebe Buffay] I like waking up with you too. Oh! It's such a beautiful morning. Oh, I can stay here all day. [Gary] That would be great! [Phoebe Buffay] We could have breakfast in bed... [Gary] Wait, just a second. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Oh! Oh no. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] All right! Come on Monica! Look alive! Come on, look alive! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh good, you're all up. [Rachel Green] Phoebe! It's 6 o'clock in the morning! Why aren't you at Gary's? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah, that's over. [#ALL#] What?! [Chandler Bing] Come on! Gary's such a great guy! Whatever the problem is, you can work it out! [Phoebe Buffay] He shot a bird! [Chandler Bing] Oh that is over! [#ALL#] That's terrible! I'm sorry! [Rachel Green] Phoebe, are you okay? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. Yeah, I'll be alright. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh hey, here Pheebs. [Phoebe Buffay] Nah, I don't feel like playing. [Monica Geller] It's okay. It's okay. Just pretend that it didn't happen! Okay? No one needs to know! I mean, Phoebe's not an official ballplayer! I mean, only official ballplayers can drop the ball! [#ALL#] All right. Okay. I'm starving! [Rachel Green] Phoebe, honey, wanna get some breakfast? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! [Monica Geller] Okay! Okay, let's race! First one there wins! Ha-ha! [Chandler Bing] You guys wanna eat here? [#ALL#] Yeah! As long as we're here! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Man that was great! Huh? Can you believe how long we threw that ball around? [Rachel Green] Yeah, it is amazing it lasted that long. [Ross Geller] I know. My arm is killing me. [Rachel Green] No, I meant with the dropper over here. [Chandler Bing] Y'know, how did I get this reputation as a dropper? Okay? I'm anything but a dropper.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e21", "title": "The One With The Ball"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Joey's Big Break [Ross Geller] What's going on? [Rachel Green] Well, my eye is a little itchy. [Joey Tribbiani] Uhhh, mine too! Yeah. [Monica Geller] Wow! It's really red! You should go see my eye doctor. [Rachel Green] Richard? I'm not gonna go see your ex-boyfriend! [Chandler Bing] Oh, Richard. That's all I ever hear, Richard, Richard, Richard! [Monica Geller] Since we've been going out, I think I've mentioned his name twice! [Chandler Bing] Okay, so Richard, Richard! [Monica Geller] It's not Richard! Okay? It's this new guy and he's really good. [Rachel Green] Well, I'm sorry I'm not going to an eye doctor! [Ross Geller] Oh God, here we go! [Chandler Bing] What? [Ross Geller] Anytime anything comes close to touching her eye or anyone else's she like freaks out. Watch! Watch! [Rachel Green] Ross! Come on! That's all right! Fine--Okay, I have a weird thing about my eye. Can we not talk about it please? [#ALL#] All right, fine. [Monica Geller] Hey Rach, remember that great song, Me, Myself, and I? [Rachel Green] Monica! Come on! [Ross Geller] Hey, does anybody want to get some lunch? All those in favor say I? [Rachel Green] Ross! Stop it! Come on! [Chandler Bing] How much did I love The King and I? [Rachel Green] Chandler! [Joey Tribbiani] Me too! Me too! Me too! [Rachel Green] Just stop it! Come on! [Chandler Bing] You okay there man? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I got too excited! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] All right, I gotta go. I'm taking Ben to the park. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, give him a kiss for me! [Ross Geller] All right, bye! [Monica Geller] Bye! [Phoebe Buffay] Bye! [Ross Geller] Later! [Phoebe Buffay] I am so sorry you got caught in the middle of that. I didn't mean to be so out there. I am furious with him! [Chandler Bing] Wow umm, calm down. [Phoebe Buffay] I'm trying, but man that guy can push my buttons! [Monica Geller] Why are so mad at him? [Phoebe Buffay] Look, I don't wanna talk about it. Okay? [Monica Geller] Well, it just seems that... [Phoebe Buffay] You wanna be on my list too? Keep talking! Has anyone seem my list by the way? [Chandler Bing] Uh, no Pheebs. What's it look like? [Phoebe Buffay] Uh, it's a piece of paper and it says, "Ross" on it. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!! [Chandler Bing] You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing! What's the movie about?! [Joey Tribbiani] It's called Shutter Speed, it's really cool! Yeah, umm, I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love in like a day, right? And then, she disappears... But I find out where she lives and when I get there this like old lady answers the door and I say, "Where's Betsy?" Right? And she says, "Betsy's been dead for 10 years." [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh-oh, chilling! [Joey Tribbiani] And the best part is, we're filming in the desert outside Vegas! And you know what that means buddy! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I know that means buddy! [Joey Tribbiani] Road trip! Yeah, we can rent a car! I just have to be there by Tuesday! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh wait, my grandmother's dead. [Chandler Bing] Well, uh, we can talk about that too Pheebs. [Phoebe Buffay] No! No, her cab! She probably won't be using it; you can drive it to Las Vegas. [Joey Tribbiani] All right! Thanks Pheebs! [Chandler Bing] Whoa-whoa-whoa, what are we going to do about my job? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh umm, not go. [Chandler Bing] All right, great, road trip baby! This okay with you? [Monica Geller] Chandler! You don't have to ask for my permission. You can go. [Chandler Bing] Thank you. [Monica Geller] Hey Rach, come on! We're gonna be late for the eye doctor appointment! [Rachel Green] All right! Let's get this over with! Ugh! Ohhh! No! Look what I did! Oh, I mean, look at this mess! I mean, we're probably gonna have to clean this up! Y'know? We're gonna have to reschedule! [Monica Geller] No. If you thought this mess is going to bother me, you are wrong! All right, let's go Blinky! Chandler!!!! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh hey Joey! What's up? [Joey Tribbiani] I can't decide which route to take to Vegas. Hey, you've traveled a lot right? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I've been around. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, so-so which route should I take the northern route or the southern route? [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, if you take the northern route there's a man in Illinois with a beard of bees. {Okay, I must protest this, I've lived in Illinois all my life and know of no man with a beard of bees! Wisconsin, on the other hand, might be a different story.} [Joey Tribbiani] Great! Problem solved! [Phoebe Buffay] But on the southern route there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, back to square one. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I know a way that you can decide! All right, I'm going to ask you a series of questions and you answer as quickly as you can. [Joey Tribbiani] Yes! [Phoebe Buffay] Good, but wait. Okay, all right, here we go. Now I want you to relax. Take a deep breath. Clear your mind. Which do you like better peanut butter or egg whites? [Joey Tribbiani] Peanut butter! [Phoebe Buffay] Which would you rather be a fireman or a swimmer? [Joey Tribbiani] A swimmer! [Phoebe Buffay] Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel? [Joey Tribbiani] Monica. Oh... huh, I always thought it would be Rachel. [Phoebe Buffay] No thinking! No thinking! Tie or ascot? [Joey Tribbiani] Ascot! [Phoebe Buffay] North route or south route? [Joey Tribbiani] North route! [Phoebe Buffay] Bamn! There you go! Huh? [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! That was incredible! Beard of bees, here I come! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, this guy again. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey man, what's up? [Ross Geller] Uhh, not much. You guys want to see a movie tonight? [Joey Tribbiani] Sure, what do you want to see? [Ross Geller] I don't know, umm... [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I know how we can decide. Phoebe, show him your game! [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, no thank you. [Ross Geller] What's with her? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know. But hey, I know we can decide. Okay, I'm gonna ask you questions and you answer real quick. Okay? [Ross Geller] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] What do you like better action or comedy? [Ross Geller] Action. [Joey Tribbiani] Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel? [Ross Geller] Dude, you are sick. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh my God! What does that thing do? [Monica Geller] Oh that's an eye removal machine. [Rachel Green] All right, I'm outta here! [Monica Geller] I'm kidding! I'm kidding! [The Doctor] Hi Rachel! [Rachel Green] Hey! [The Doctor] I'm Dr. Miller. Monica told me you were a little nervous, but don't worry everything's gonna be just fine. [Rachel Green] So were done then! [Dr. Miller] Almost! But first, we gotta start. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Dr. Miller] This is a glaucoma test. [Rachel Green] Uh-huh. [Dr. Miller] Sit down. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Dr. Miller] But your chin here. Now, you'll feel a small puff of air in each eye. [Rachel Green] What?! [Monica Geller] A small puff of air, now come on! [Dr. Miller] Here we go. [Rachel Green] All right. [Dr. Miller] 1...2...3! [Rachel Green] I'm sorry. All right, I'll just stay in here this time. Okay. [Dr. Miller] Ready? [Rachel Green] Uh-huh. [Dr. Miller] 1...2... [Monica Geller] Y'know what, I'm gonna hold her head. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Dr. Miller] That's okay. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Rachel Green] Okay. Okay! [Dr. Miller] 1...2! Y'know what? You're young; you probably don't have glaucoma. [Rachel Green] Great!! It was very, very nice to meet you sir--Ow! Hey! What are you doing?! Are you crazy! [Dr. Miller] Okay. You've got a small, minor infection in that left eye. I want you to take these drops three times a day and you'll be as good as new. [Rachel Green] Yeah, no, I don't-I don't put things in my eye. [Dr. Miller] Okay then, I guess we'll see you back here in three months. [Rachel Green] Great! [Dr. Miller] And I'll fit you for a glass eye. [Rachel Green] Okay, just give me the damn drops! [Monica Geller] Dr. Miller? P E C F D. [Dr. Miller] Very good Monica! You know where they are. [Monica Geller] I sure do! And you don't get one! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Y'know, I-I gotta tell ya, those eye drops are a miracle. My eye is a 100% better. [Monica Geller] They're still in my coat. [Rachel Green] Damn! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! You ready to go? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, listen, how cold is it going to be there? Do I need a coat or will all these sweater vests be enough? [Chandler Bing] What? [Monica Geller] I love you. [Joey Tribbiani] Man, I wish Ross was coming with us! Y'know? I'm gonna miss him! [Phoebe Buffay] Thanks a lot! I just got that jerk out of my mind! [Chandler Bing] Hey, so where are we staying? Is the movie putting us up in a big hotel suite? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh no, not really. It's an independent film y'know? So we don't have a real big budget. I figured I'd just stay in your room. [Chandler Bing] I see, but once you get your first paycheck you'll be springing a big hotel suite, right? I mean, lead in a movie, they must be paying you a lot? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah! For every dollar Shutter Speed makes, one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket. [Chandler Bing] So you don't get paid unless the movie makes money? [Joey Tribbiani] Did you not hear the plot of the movie? "She's been dead for ten years." I'm gonna be a millionaire! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Ross Geller] I just wanna say good-bye to you guys and to see if you guys will place a little bet for me, huh? Twenty bucks on black 15. [Joey Tribbiani] You got it! [Ross Geller] All right! [Chandler Bing] All right, bye-bye now! [Phoebe Buffay] Bye! [Rachel Green] Bye you guys! [Joey Tribbiani] Bye-bye! [Monica Geller] I wanna say good-bye at the car! [Chandler Bing] Okay! [Joey Tribbiani] Anybody want to say good-bye to me at the car? [Rachel Green] Oh honey, I'll say good-bye to you at the car if you don't mind the puss. [Joey Tribbiani] See ya! [Rachel Green] Well, wait a minute! The puss is good! It means it's healing! [Ross Geller] Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? Pheebs? Hello? Phoebe? Phoe-Phoebe! Come on! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there. [Ross Geller] Phoebe, are you, are you mad at me, or something? 'Cause if are please, tell me what it is I did! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, if you don't know I can't help you. [Ross Geller] Well, I don't know. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I can't help you. [Ross Geller] Well, whatever it is I'm-I'm very, very sorry. Okay? [Phoebe Buffay] Apology accepted. [Ross Geller] Okay. So we're, we're good? [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh. [Ross Geller] All right. I'll uh, I'll see you later, okay? [Phoebe Buffay] Bye, fat ass. [Ross Geller] ALL RIGHT!! Phoebe now come on! Will you please tell me what it is I did that mad you so mad at me! [Phoebe Buffay] I don't know! I don't remember! [Ross Geller] Well if you can't remember, can't we just forget about this? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no, I am mad at you. I know that much. But, I am sorry about the fat ass thing. You actually have a very sweet little hiney. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Man, I'm getting pretty tired. You're might have to take over soon. [Chandler Bing] We've been driving for a half-hour, and you haven't looked at the road once. [Joey Tribbiani] Don't worry, it's out there! I think I just need lunch. [Chandler Bing] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] You wanna eat? My treat! [Chandler Bing] Isn't that Ross's money? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. Okay. Ross's treat! Where do you wanna eat? [Chandler Bing] I don't know. [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh, hey, I know how we can decide! All right, uh, I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and then you have to answer real fast. Okay? So uh, clear your mind Clear it right out! Clear it out! Clear! [Chandler Bing] Okay! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, uhh, would you rather be too wet or too dry? [Chandler Bing] Too dry. [Joey Tribbiani] Do you believe in ghosts, yes or no? [Chandler Bing] No! [Joey Tribbiani] Is this movie gonna be my big break? [Chandler Bing] No! [Joey Tribbiani] What?! [Chandler Bing] Yes. [Joey Tribbiani] Dude you said, "No!" [Chandler Bing] I also said, "Yes!" [Joey Tribbiani] You don't think this is going to be a big break for me? [Chandler Bing] No! Ahhh!!! [Joey Tribbiani] I don't believe this! [Chandler Bing] Look Joe, I just, I just don't want to get your hopes up real high. [Joey Tribbiani] What are you talking about?! I'm the lead in a movie! [Chandler Bing] They're not even paying ya! This doesn't even sound like a real movie! [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know what? I don't need this! Okay? I don't know why you're dumping all over my big break. [Chandler Bing] Joe, I don't think this is going to be your big break. [Joey Tribbiani] Is that why you're on this trip, huh? Make me feel like a loser? 'Cause if it is, I'll tell ya, I-I-I'd rather be alone. [Chandler Bing] Oh, you don't want me on the trip? [Joey Tribbiani] Not if you're gonna be like this! [Chandler Bing] All right, I'll tell ya what, the next time you ask me a question like that I'll lie. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! I don't want you on the trip! [Chandler Bing] All right, fine! Fine! Why don't you pull over? I'll get out right now! [Joey Tribbiani] Fine! Get out! [Chandler Bing] You're not actually supposed to stop on the bridge. [Joey Tribbiani] Get out!! [Chandler Bing] All right!! Wait! Wait, there's no sidewalk! Yeah, I'm gonna die here. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Okay, are you mad at me because my hair gel smells? [Phoebe Buffay] No. [Ross Geller] Are you angry at me because I said your handwriting is childlike? [Phoebe Buffay] No that made me feel precious. [Monica Geller] Oh, I know! Umm, is it because he's always correcting people's grammar? Whom! Whom! Sometimes it's who! [Ross Geller] Yeah? Sometimes it's... [Rachel Green] Oh, did you beat him at a board game? He turns into such a baby when he starts to lose. [Ross Geller] Okay, I'm the baby. [Rachel Green] Eh! Stop it! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Monica Geller] Chandler! What are you doing here? [Ross Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Joey kicked me out of the car on the George Washington bridge! [#ALL#] Why?! [Chandler Bing] I don't know! He went crazy! Y'know, we were playing that game where you-you ask a question and you answer it really fast. [Phoebe Buffay] That game should not be played without my supervision. [Chandler Bing] Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie--Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge. [Phoebe Buffay] What's in the bag? [Chandler Bing] Oh, I figured you guys would all be mad at me. So I got you some gifts that I found on the side of the road. Who wants the teddy bear with one leg? [Phoebe Buffay] I do! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Okay. [Monica Geller] Not even close. [Rachel Green] Okay, then y'know what? Help me! I need help! I can't do this! [Monica Geller] Okay! All right! Let's do it! [Rachel Green] All right! [Monica Geller] Sit down. [Rachel Green] All right. [Monica Geller] Put your head back. [Rachel Green] Yes! [Monica Geller] All right. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Monica Geller] Now, open your eyes. [Rachel Green] Okay, they are. [Monica Geller] How many fingers am I holding up? [Rachel Green] Four. [Monica Geller] Oh my God, I was thinking four. [Rachel Green] Really?! [Monica Geller] Yes! All right, y'know what? Why don't we start with a practice run? Okay? [Rachel Green] Okay! [Monica Geller] No drops! [Rachel Green] Great! [Monica Geller] Okay. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Monica Geller] On three, 1...2...3! Now my pillow's all wet! [Rachel Green] Well, well, you said it was practice! [Monica Geller] Then why did you move?! [Rachel Green] Because I knew you were lying! [Monica Geller] All right, come here! [Rachel Green] What are you? Monica!! Stop it!! Oh my God! Stop it! [Monica Geller] I am going... I'm going--Turn it over! I'm... I am going to get these drops in your eyes. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! You really are freakishly strong! [Rachel Green] Monica! Stop it! [Monica Geller] Damn! It's empty! [Rachel Green] Wow, y'know if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh that is definitely Chandler, Joey, or Ross. Or-or Rachel! [Monica Geller] Hello? It's Joey. I'm so glad you called! Chandler told me what happened. Y'know he's really upset about it. [Joey Tribbiani] Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did with his sweater vests! [Monica Geller] What did you do to his sweater vests? [Joey Tribbiani] Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio. Hey Monica listen is-is Phoebe there? I gotta ask her something about the car. [Monica Geller] Yeah, she's here. Hold on a second. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, dude! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Pheebs! Listen, this wooden box keeps sliding out from under the seat. What-what is it? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh that's my grandma. And thanks Joey she's having a really great time. [Chandler Bing] Is that Joey? Is that Joey? Let me talk to him! I wanna talk to him! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay Joey? Chandler's here, he was wondering... Okay, I guess he ran out of change. [Chandler Bing] Y'know, he won't even talk to me. How am I going to apologize to him if he won't even talk to me? [Monica Geller] Well, maybe you should send him something. So that when he gets to Las Vegas he'll know that you're sorry. [Chandler Bing] That's a good idea. I wonder where I could get a basket of porn... [Phoebe Buffay] No, don't-don't say I'm sorry with porn! [Chandler Bing] Really? [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know what you should send him? A cartoon of cigarettes. 'Cause that why he could trade it for protection. No. That's prison. [Ross Geller] Okay Pheebs, I know how we're going to figure this out. Okay, clear your mind and answer the first thing that comes into your head. Okay? [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-hmm. [Ross Geller] What do you like better flora or fauna? [Phoebe Buffay] Fauna. [Ross Geller] Who would you rather be Simon or Garfunkle? [Phoebe Buffay] Garfunkle. [Ross Geller] Why are you mad at me? [Phoebe Buffay] You said I was boring--Ohh! [Ross Geller] When did I say you were boring?! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God, I remember now! We were playing chess! [Ross Geller] Phoebe! You and I have never played chess! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, come on! Yes, remember that time on the frozen lake? We were playing chess, you said I was boring, and then you took off your energy mask and you were Cameron Diaz! Okay, there's a chance this may have been a dream. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey! Stanley! Hey-hey! You're leading man is here! Let's get to work. [Stanley] Umm, slight change of plans. We've shut down. [Joey Tribbiani] Wh-what?! Why?! [Stanley] It's a money thing, we don't have any. [Joey Tribbiani] You're kidding right? [Stanley] No. [Joey Tribbiani] What?! [Stanley] It-it's probably just temporary. We're hoping to get some more money soon, so if could just uh, hang out. [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, hang out?! How long? [Stanley] I don't know. A week? Maybe two? The money will turn up! People will always wanna invest in movies! Hey, you're not rich are ya? [Joey Tribbiani] No! [Stanley] Eh, worth a shot. Look Joey, let me know where you're staying, okay? [The Grip] Hey pal, are you Joey Tribbiani? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [The Grip] These got left for ya. [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks. Congratulations on your big break. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hello? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Monica, it's Joey! [Monica Geller] Hey Joey! Aww, you remembered even though you're a big star! [Joey Tribbiani] Aw, come on! It'll be years before I forget you! [Monica Geller] Joey, what's it like on a movie set, huh? Do you have a dressing room? Do you have a chair with your name on it? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, well yeah-yeah, I've got all of that going on. Yeah, listen uh, I want you to make sure you tell Chandler that he couldn't have been more wrong! Uh-oh! I gotta go Monica, my uh, my sushi's here! [Joey Tribbiani] Sorry about that. Thanks for waitin'. [The Husband] Okay! [Joey Tribbiani] Everybody smile! Okay, thanks a lot! Enjoy your stay at Caesar's! We hope it's toga-rrific! Kill me. Kill me now. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey Rach, can you pass me the TV Guide? [Rachel Green] Yep! [Monica Geller] Go!! [Rachel Green] What?!! Stop it! Stop it! Oh my God! [Monica Geller] Okay! Okay! Okay! We'll see you in about 3 to 4 hours. [Rachel Green] Oh!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e22", "title": "The One With Joey's Big Break"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One In Vegas, Part 1 [Rachel Green] Pheebs? Could you get that? Please? [Phoebe Buffay] Why? Just 'cause you're too lazy to get up off your touchie? [Rachel Green] No! No! It's just that all the people in the entire world that I want to talk to are right here. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay! [Rachel Green] Sucker! [Phoebe Buffay] Hello? Hey Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Pheebs! Listen, uh can you do me a favor? I forgot the pin number to my ATM card can, can you get it for me? [Phoebe Buffay] Sure! Where is it? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, I scratched it on the ATM machine down on the corner. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh! So you're 5639?! [Joey Tribbiani] That's it! Thanks Pheebs! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, do you want to talk to Chandler? [Chandler Bing] Is that Joey?! Let me talk to him! [Joey Tribbiani] No! Because he didn't believe in my movie! Which is a big mistake because it is real! Real! [A Casino Boss] Hey! Tribbiani! Get back to work! Break time's over! [Phoebe Buffay] Who was that? [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh, my stunt double. Yeah, and y'know, he's getting a little too familiar for my tastes. [Chandler Bing] Y'know what? I have been trying to apologize to him all week! If he's not gonna let me do it on the phone, I'm gonna go down there and do it in person. [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh Pheebs, I heard that. Can you put him on? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Don't come out here! [Chandler Bing] No-no-no-no, I've supported you one hundred percent and I want to prove that to you in person! [Joey Tribbiani] I got that! I forgive ya! Don't come out here! [Chandler Bing] Forgive me? You haven't been taking my calls in a week! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I'm totally over it Chandler. Friends forever! Don't come out here! [A Tourist] Would you mind doing a picture with us? [Chandler Bing] Uh, what was that? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, Entertainment Tonight. Yeah, okay so, good talking to ya and don't come out here. All right. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Monica! I'm sorry I'm late! Monica? [Monica Geller] Phoebe? Oh, Phoebe, I'm so sorry. Have you been here long? [Phoebe Buffay] It's okay. What the hell took you so long? [Monica Geller] Okay, you can not tell Chandler. Okay? That I ran into Richard. [Phoebe Buffay] Which Richard? [Monica Geller] The Richard. [Phoebe Buffay] Richard Simmons?! Oh my God! [Monica Geller] Noo! My ex-boyfriend Richard! Y'know the tall guy, moustache? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Okay, that actually makes more sense. So how was it? [Monica Geller] It was, it was really nice. We started talking and I-I ended up having lunch with him. [Phoebe Buffay] That is so weird! I had a dream that you'd have lunch with Richard. [Monica Geller] Really? [Phoebe Buffay] But again, Simmons. Go on. [Monica Geller] The strange part was, he was really nice, umm and he looks great, but I didn't feel anything at all! [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh! So now why can't we tell Chandler? [Monica Geller] Because it would totally freak him out and tomorrow's our anniversary. I just don't want anything to spoil that. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I can't believe you guys lasted a whole year! [Monica Geller] I know. [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! I owe Rachel 20 bucks! [Monica Geller] What? [Phoebe Buffay] On a totally different bet. [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Monica Geller] It's almost our anniversary! [Chandler Bing] I know. Can you believe it? One year ago today I was just your annoying friend Chandler. [Phoebe Buffay] Awww! Now you're just my annoying friend Chandler. [Chandler Bing] Huh. [Monica Geller] I got you a present! [Chandler Bing] Oh, but it's not 'til tomorrow! [Monica Geller] I know, but you have to open it today! [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] Okay! There you go! It's two tickets to Vegas! [Chandler Bing] Wow! [Monica Geller] For this weekend! Oh gosh, it would be perfect, we get to see Joey plus we get to start our anniversary celebration on the plane. We can call it out plane-aversary. [Chandler Bing] Do we have to? [Monica Geller] No. [Chandler Bing] Okay this is great, but Joey said he didn't want any of us out there. [Monica Geller] Oh, he just doesn't want us to go through any trouble. Think of how excited he'll be when we go out and surprise him! Plus we get to have our own, ani-Vegas-ary! A-Nevadaversary! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I think we should see other people. [Monica Geller] But we can go, right? [Chandler Bing] Yes. [Monica Geller] Okay! [Chandler Bing] It's a great idea. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I'm gonna go too! [Chandler Bing] Y'know Pheebs, it's kinda our anniversary. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh please, you are not gonna ditch again like you did with London. [Monica Geller] Ditch you? Phoebe, you were pregnant with the triplets! [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh, great story! I'm going! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, you guys, listen, this weekend we're all gonna go to Las Vegas to surprise Joey! Including me!! You wanna go?! [Rachel Green] Well, I guess I could take a couple days off work. [Phoebe Buffay] Of course you can take a couple days off work because this trip includes me! [Rachel Green] Oh no, wait a minute, wait, I've got a presentation tomorrow. I can't miss that. [Ross Geller] Oh, but I've got tickets to the Van Gogh exhibit! I've been waiting like a year for this. [Chandler Bing] Art lover! [Ross Geller] What'd you say? [Chandler Bing] I said art lover. [Ross Geller] Is that supposed to be an insult? [Chandler Bing] I don't know, I'm very tired. [Ross Geller] So Rach, maybe you and I could fly out together Saturday. [Rachel Green] That sounds great. [Ross Geller] Yeah? All right I'll call the airlines. [Rachel Green] Okay. Yeah, that would be nice actually, to have the apartment to myself for a night. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah, so you can walk around naked. [Rachel Green] No! So I can be by myself. Y'know? Have a little alone time. [Phoebe Buffay] Naked alone time. [Rachel Green] No! Phoebe just because I'm alone doesn't mean I wanna walk around naked. I mean, you live alone, you don't walk around naked. [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh! Why do you think it takes me so long to answer the door? --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] So, so far is this trip to Vegas better or worse than the trip to London? [Chandler Bing] So it's pretty much the same Pheebs. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, what about after I give you these candies? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I guess it's a little better now. [Phoebe Buffay] Ah-ha! Okay, Las Vegas 1, London 0! I'll be right back. [Chandler Bing] Happy plane-aversary. [Monica Geller] Aww! I love you! [Chandler Bing] Can I give you a present now? [Monica Geller] Okay! [Chandler Bing] Okay! Oh man! Don't tell me I did this! [Monica Geller] I love the "I forgot the present" fake out! [Chandler Bing] How do you feel about the, "I really did forgot the present, please forgive me" not fake out? [Monica Geller] Oh that's okay. Don't worry about it, you can give it to me when we get back. [Chandler Bing] Ohh that's the worse thing that can happen on an anniversary ever! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh good! All right, so you decided to tell him about the Richard thing. [Chandler Bing] What-what Richard thing? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no. [Chandler Bing] What Richard thing? [Phoebe Buffay] Simmons! Go with Simmons! [Monica Geller] Okay, I umm, I ran into Richard yesterday and he asked me if I wanted to go for a bite and I did. The only reason I didn't tell you is because I knew you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil our anniversary. [Chandler Bing] I'm not mad. [Monica Geller] Really?! [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah! Yeah, so you-you bumped into Richard! You grabbed a bite! It's no big deal. [Monica Geller] Great! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, London 1... --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh! Look what happened! {Don't get your hopes up guys, we only get to see her from the back or from the neck up. Its times like these I wish that the networks would broadcast some nudity other than Denis Franz's butt.} Huh, check me out! I'm in my kitchen...naked! I'm picking up an orange. I'm naked! Lighting the candles, naked, and carefully. [Ross Geller] Oh my God! That's Rachel naked! I can't look at that! I am looking at this. Okay, vivid colors, expressive brush strokes-Unless she wants me to be looking at that. She knows I'm home. She knows I can see her. What kind of game is she playing? I think maybe someone's lonely tonight. Oh-ho, Dr. Geller! Stop it! You're being silly! Or, am I? [Rachel Green] Love to love ya baby! Ow! Love to love ya baby! Ow! Love to love ya, baby! Darnit! Ugh. [Ross Geller] Hey. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] May I come in? [Rachel Green] Uh, yeah, if you want too. [Ross Geller] Do you want me too? [Rachel Green] Yeah, sure? [Ross Geller] So do I. Okay Rach, before anything happens I just want to lay down a couple of ground rules. This is just about tonight. I don't to go through with this if it's going to raise the question of "Us." Okay? I just want this to be about what it is! [Rachel Green] And um, what-what is that Ross? [Ross Geller] The physical act of love. [Rachel Green] What?! Are you crazy? [Ross Geller] Oh so-so you weren't trying to entice me just now with your-your nakedness? [Rachel Green] Oh God, you saw me?! Oh! [Ross Geller] You weren't trying to entice me with your nakedness. [Rachel Green] Noo!! No! You thought, you actually thought I wanted to have sex with you?! [Ross Geller] No! No! No! No-no-no-no. [Rachel Green] Ohh wow! I'm sorry, but Ross you kicked off your shoes! [Ross Geller] Can we, can we just forget this ever happened? [Rachel Green] Yes of course, absolutely! You're right. I'm sorry. [Ross Geller] Thank you. [Rachel Green] Yes. [Ross Geller] All right I guess I'm, gonna go pack. [Rachel Green] Okay. Oh wait! One more thing umm, do-do we still need to uh settle the question of "us?" --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey you guys wait! Guys! This place is so much better than London! Okay? This lady dressed like Cleopatra gave me a coupon, 99 cent steak and lobster dinner. Huh! [Monica Geller] Phoebe, you don't eat animals. [Phoebe Buffay] For 99 cents, I'd eat you. Okay, I can totally settle down here. It's got everything I could ever want, including Joey! Look! Oh! Look! Hi! [Chandler Bing] Oh my God. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! Joey! Hey! Hey!! Wow! [Joey Tribbiani] Hi! [Chandler Bing] Love your condoms my man. [Joey Tribbiani] What-what are you guys doing here? I thought I told you not to come. [Phoebe Buffay] Why are you dressed as a gladiator? [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh, because I'm shooting a scene right now. Yeah, I uh, I play a gladiator. Uh, y'know what? Hold-hold on a second. Can we cut? Yeah, my-my friends are here, I'm gonna take a little break. [Monica Geller] Who are you talking too? [Joey Tribbiani] They uh director. Uhh, her. All right, all right, it's not a gladiator movie. I work here. [Chandler Bing] Why?! What happened?! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, the movie got shutdown because they ran out of money, so I'm working here 'til it starts up again, if it ever does. [Monica Geller] I'm so sorry. [Joey Tribbiani] Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell ya. I'm sorry man. [Chandler Bing] No-no, that's okay, apparently there's a new policy where we don't have to share everything with everybody. [Monica Geller] I knew you were not okay with that. [Phoebe Buffay] So you're a gladiator! Wow! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, what-what's going on? [Phoebe Buffay] Monica had lunch with Richard. [Joey Tribbiani] Dawson?! [Phoebe Buffay] Noo! But that would've been so cool! [Chandler Bing] No! Her boyfriend Richard! [Monica Geller] It meant nothing! Okay? After all this time, how can you not trust me? [Chandler Bing] When you go lunching with hunky moustache men and don't tell me about it! [Monica Geller] You're right. I'm sorry. I should've told you. [Chandler Bing] Thanks. [Joey Tribbiani] Aww, there we go. [Phoebe Buffay] I love Vegas! [Monica Geller] I promise you, next time I will absolutely tell you. [Chandler Bing] Next time? [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh, so close. [Chandler Bing] There's not gonna be a next time! You can not ever see him again! [Monica Geller] I can not see him? I mean, you can't tell me what to do! [Chandler Bing] That's so funny, because I think I just did! [Monica Geller] Oh y'know what? If you're gonna be acting like this all night, I really, I don't even want to be around you. [Chandler Bing] Fine with me! [Monica Geller] Fine! Happy Anniversary! [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa! Whoa! Guys! Please! Come on! Come on! This is obviously just a big misunderstanding. [Monica Geller] No it is not! [Chandler Bing] What are you talking... [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey don't look at me! I just work here! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Okay umm, Ross? I'm-I'm really warm, so I'm going to be taking off my sweater. Now, I'm just letting you know that this is not an invitation to the physical act of love. [Ross Geller] Yep! That's hilarious! [Rachel Green] I'm sorry. I'm done. I'm done. [Ross Geller] Y'know, last night was embarrassing for you too. [Rachel Green] No, not really. I mean you've seen me naked hundreds of times. [Ross Geller] Uh-huh. But it was a first for the rest of my building. [Rachel Green] Okay. All right, that's true! But y'know I just don't embarrass that easily. [Ross Geller] What?! You totally get embarrassed! [Rachel Green] No, I don't! Ross, I think I'm just a more secure person than you are. [Ross Geller] Is that so? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Hey lady! I don't care how much you want it! Okay?! I am not gonna to have sex with you in the bathroom! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, y'know in Roman times this was more than just a hat. [Chandler Bing] Really? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, sure! Sure! They would uh, they would scrub the floors with it! They would use it to get the mud off their shoe. And sometimes underneath the horse would get dirty so they would stick it right... [Chandler Bing] Joey, I uh! I can't believe this is how I'm spending my anniversary. [Joey Tribbiani] All right well, I'll take you someplace nice then. Look! A guy tipped me a hundred bucks today. [Chandler Bing] Whoa! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah-yeah, he was playing blackjack for like an hour and he won $5,000. Can you believe that? $5,000! [Chandler Bing] Y'know, if I won $5,000 I'd join a gym, y'know build up my upper body and hit Richard from behind with a stick! [Joey Tribbiani] Wait a minute! Why don't I do what that guy did? I'll take this $100 and turn it into $5,000! And then I'll turn that into enough money to get my movie going again! [Chandler Bing] Good luck! [Joey Tribbiani] Chandler! I don't need luck. I have thought this through! [Chandler Bing] I see. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Thank you. [Phoebe Buffay] Thanks. [Monica Geller] I can't believe this! This is like the worst night ever! [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know Monica you had a minor setback in your relationship with Chandler. Big deal! It's only Chandler. I am so sorry. [Monica Geller] This is crazy! I mean, it's such a stupid argument. I don't even wanna see Richard again. [Phoebe Buffay] So go fix it! Go find Chandler! He's probably up in your room! Tell him that you're sorry and that you love him. [Monica Geller] Y'know what? You're right Phoebe. You're right. Thank you! [Phoebe Buffay] Sure! Yeah! Las Vegas, number one! [Monica Geller] Anybody lose this? [The Croupier] Comin' out. Place your bet. Dice are out. Double or nothin'! Pay the front line! [Monica Geller] Hmm. --------------------------------------- [Guy] So uh, I'm on my way back to the bathroom. [Rachel Green] Yeah, all right. All right! Just keep walkin'! All right? [Rachel Green] Ross! What are you... I'm sorry sir. I just, I think he just really likes you. [Ross Geller] Hey! Y'know that teacher who had a baby with her student? [Ross Geller] What the? What... [Rachel Green] Hi! [The Flight Attendant] Miss? May I help you? [Rachel Green] Yes, I'm sorry. Do you have any extra pants? Umm, my friend seems to have had a little accident. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Can I change a hundred? [Blackjack Dealer] Changing one hundred! Good luck sir. [Joey Tribbiani] Let's ride. [Blackjack Dealer] 13. [Joey Tribbiani] Hit me! Ohh man! Wait! [Joey Tribbiani] Chandler! You are not gonna believe this! I have found my identical hand twin! [Chandler Bing] What? [Joey Tribbiani] My identical hand twin! [Chandler Bing] What's an identical hand twin? [Joey Tribbiani] What's it sound like? It's a guy with my identical hands! It was incredible! Chandler, the dealer's hands were exactly like me! It-it was like looking at my hands in a mirror! [Chandler Bing] Are you sure you weren't looking at your hands in a mirror? [Joey Tribbiani] Don't you see what this means?! I can forget about that stupid movie. I'm gonna be a millionaire! [Chandler Bing] How? [Joey Tribbiani] Look, I don't have it all worked out yet, but it's gotta mean big money! Come on! Identical hands! [Chandler Bing] Again I must go back to, how? [Joey Tribbiani] This is Vegas man! People will pay to see freaky stuff! Okay, how much would you pay to see this hand twice? Huh? [Chandler Bing] Y'know, I-I can't really put a price on that Joe. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, are you unsupporting me again? [Chandler Bing] No! No! I support you 100%! I just didn't, I didn't get it right away. Y'know now I'm caught up! Identical hand twins! It's a million-dollar idea! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Pheebs!! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? [Joey Tribbiani] I found my identical hand twin! [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, you are so lucky! Hey! So, where's Monica? Did you guys make up? [Chandler Bing] No! [Phoebe Buffay] But she just came up here! [Chandler Bing] That was Joey! [Phoebe Buffay] I wonder where she is. That is so weird. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, well, she's probably talking to Richard. [Phoebe Buffay] Would you stop that! Do you wanna know the first thing she said when she came back from her lunch with Richard? She didn't feel anything for him. She loves you! [Chandler Bing] Really? [Phoebe Buffay] Yes! Now, she feels terrible! She really wants to make up! You gotta find her. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Good. I should really start wearing hats! --------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- [The Flight Attendant] Welcome to Las Vegas. [The Flight Attendant] Thank you! Enjoy your flight? [Rachel Green] Yes, I did. Thank you very much, it was excellent. [The Flight Attendant] Hope you had a nice flight. [Ross Geller] Ohh, it was the best!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e23", "title": "The One In Vegas, Part 1"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One In Vegas, Part 2 [Ross Geller] I think the check in is that way. [Rachel Green] Ahh. [Rachel Green] Hello! Ohh, kids love me. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Ross Geller] Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] You guys are here! Yay! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] What? Did you go to a costume party? Let me guess umm Pancho Vila? and you're Bob Saget. [Rachel Green] Pancho Vila? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! [Rachel Green] What are you talking about Pheebs? I don't... Oh my God, you drew on me?! [Ross Geller] Hey, you wet my pants! [Phoebe Buffay] Whoa, what kind of party was this? [Rachel Green] Ross, I have been walking around like this since the plane! I can-you have so crossed a line. [Ross Geller] Rach! Wait! The men's room is that way. [Phoebe Buffay] Ugh! [Ross Geller] What? [Phoebe Buffay] That's like the third time that lady's won on a machine I was playing. [Ross Geller] Oooohhh, I'll bet she's one of those people. [Phoebe Buffay] M-M-Mole people? [Ross Geller] What? No-no, a lurker. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. What's a lurker? [Ross Geller] Okay when you're playing a machine and it hasn't paid out, a lurker waits for you to give up and then... [Phoebe Buffay] Kills you? [Ross Geller] No. They swoop in and steal your jackpot. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohhh! [Ross Geller] Uh-hmm. [Phoebe Buffay] How do you know about this? [Ross Geller] My nana used to do it. That's how she paid for all my dance-karate lessons. [Phoebe Buffay] Dance karate? [Ross Geller] Yes, it's a deadly but beautiful sport. [Rachel Green] All right, it won't come off! [Ross Geller] What?! [Rachel Green] It won't come off! [Ross Geller] Oh my God! Rach-Rach, are-are-are you sure? [Rachel Green] No, actually I took it off then I drew it back on. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey-hey you made it! [Ross Geller] Joey!! [Joey Tribbiani] All right! Hey-hey! [Rachel Green] Hi!! [Joey Tribbiani] Who's your friend? He's hot! [Ross Geller] Thanks man. [Rachel Green] Hi. [Ross Geller] Hey listen I uh, talked to Chandler, sorry about the movie. [Joey Tribbiani] No, don't be sorry. I don't need it anymore. I found my identical hand twin! [Ross Geller] Your what? [Joey Tribbiani] My identical hand twin! The person whose hands are exactly like mine! This thing is a gold mine! [Ross Geller] What?! That's not gonna make you any money! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. Well, if that's how you feel about it, fine! None of you get to live with me in my great big hand-shaped mansion! Except uh, you Pheebs. You can live in the thumb. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] All right baby, come on! Yes! Yes! I am on fire! [Chandler Bing] See you later Mon. [Monica Geller] Wait Chandler, what are you doing?! [Chandler Bing] What does it look like? I'm going home. [Monica Geller] What? Wait! Why? Chandler! Chandler! Wait! I'm sorry, I was just playing for one second! I was trying to find you to tell you that, look if you don't want me to see Richard again, I won't! He means nothing to me! [Chandler Bing] Come on! I was there! I know he's the love of your life. [Monica Geller] Not any more. [Chandler Bing] Really?! [Monica Geller] Really! All right? Let's forget about this going home stuff and celebrate our anniversary. Okay, this is empty. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I wanted to make a dramatic scene, but I hate packing. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh, hey. Where's the other guy? [The Woman Dealer] Which guy? [Joey Tribbiani] He's kinda tall, dark hair, hand looks exactly like this. See? [The Woman Dealer] I don't know about the hands, but the guy that was here before me just went to the bathroom. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay! How you doin'? [The Woman Dealer] Very busy. [Joey Tribbiani] Right! Okay. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Yes, hello. I have a question. Umm, I used your pen to draw on my friend's face. A beard and a moustache. Thank you. No, she didn't think so. I know it's like anyway, umm well make-up didn't cover it and we've tried everything to get it off and nothing's worked. What-what do we do? Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh! Okay. Okay, thank you! Yeah, it's not coming off. [Rachel Green] What?! What else did he say? [Ross Geller] Umm, he said he thought I was funny. So... Okay, look-look umm, let's just go downstairs, we'll have some fun, and you will forget all about it. [Rachel Green] Ross, no! There is no way I am leaving this room looking like this! [Ross Geller] Oh, come on! Rach, it's-it's not that bad. [Rachel Green] Ross, I am a human doodle!! [Ross Geller] Look, just because some idiot drew on your face doesn't mean you shouldn't have any fun! Okay? And besides, hey-hey-hey no one is even gonna look at you. Okay? This is Vegas! Hello! There are tons of other freaks here! There are tons...of...freaks here. No other. No. Come on! No one will notice, I swear! [Ross Geller] Okay, there was some staring and pointing. [Rachel Green] Okay, I need a, I need a drink! [Ross Geller] Oh, hey y'know, they-they really overcharge you for that stuff. But who cares?! Because it's all on me! That is, one big drink! [Rachel Green] Macadamia nut? [Ross Geller] Umm... Wow! That's-that's some pricey nut! [Rachel Green] Hm-mmm! [Ross Geller] Really like those Macadamia nuts, huh? [Rachel Green] Nope! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Get out of here you lurker! Go on! Get! [Chandler Bing] Hey Pheebs! [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh! You made up! [Monica Geller] Yeah, I couldn't be mad at him for too long. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, she couldn't live without the Chan Love. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, get a room. [Monica Geller] We have one. [Phoebe Buffay] I know. Use it. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Oh-oh-oh, yeah! That's right, you take good care of those babies! [Joey's Hand Twin] Excuse me? [Joey Tribbiani] It's me, Joey! [Joey's Hand Twin] Do I know you? [Joey Tribbiani] Joey! [Joey's Hand Twin] Oh-ho, yeah. Yeah, the hand guy. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, so what are we going to do about this hand twin thing?! [Joey's Hand Twin] Nothing? [Joey Tribbiani] Look, you and I have been given a gift. Okay? We have to do something with it. Like-like, hand modeling! Huh? Or-or magic! And you know NASA's gonna wanna talk to us! [Joey's Hand Twin] I have to get back to... [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-whoa! We could have our own show! Y'know we could clap our hands together people will love it! Huh? And-and-and I wrote a song for us! This hand is your hand! This hand is my hand! Oh wait, that's your hand! No wait, it's my hand! [Joey's Hand Twin] That's okay. [Joey Tribbiani] But you haven't even heard the chorus! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh my God, I'm starting to look like my great aunt, Muriel. [Ross Geller] All right. Y'know what? We don't have to go downstairs! We can bring Vegas up to us! All right, come on, come on, we'll play some blackjack. Here we go. 13. [Rachel Green] Hit me! [Ross Geller] Oohh, 23. Which is what we play to at this casino! You win 10 dollars! [Rachel Green] I bet 20. [Ross Geller] You're right! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] A new pair of shoes for the Chan-Chan man! Yes! [Chandler Bing] Yes! I've-I've never seen a roll like this in my life! [Monica Geller] That's right baby! Okay, what do I want now? [Chandler Bing] Okay, ah umm, ah, a 8. Ah, a 6? [Monica Geller] Pick a number! That is your only job! [Chandler Bing] 8. 8! [Monica Geller] Thank you! [Chandler Bing] If you get this one, we buy everybody here a steak dinner! [#ALL#] Yay!! [The Croupier] 8! [Monica Geller] Yes! [#ALL#] Yay!! [Monica Geller] We're not really gonna buy these people steak dinners are we? [Chandler Bing] Noo! [Monica Geller] Okay, good! Okay, what do I want now? [Chandler Bing] Ahh, ooh, try a hard 8. [Monica Geller] What? [Chandler Bing] Two fours. [Monica Geller] Okay. [The Croupier] 8!: [A Drunken Gambler] Don't you let her go! You're a lucky guy! [Chandler Bing] Thank you, Mister Drunken Gambler! Okay, you get this and uh, we get the biggest suite in the place! Wait-wait-wait-wait! We get the biggest suite in the place. [Monica Geller] All right, biggest suite in the place. Come on! [Chandler Bing] Yes!! I love you! I can't even remember what we were fighting about! [Monica Geller] Oh, that's because I had lunch with Rich-Me neither! Okay, what do I want now? [Chandler Bing] Another hard 8. [Monica Geller] Hard 8?! We should call it easy 8! [Chandler Bing] Okay, okay, I tell you what. You roll another hard eight; and we get married here tonight. [Drunken Gambler] Go! Come on! Roll! [#ALL#] Roll-roll!! [Monica Geller] Shut up!! It just got interesting! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] What did you just say? [Chandler Bing] You roll another hard eight and we get married here tonight. [Monica Geller] Are you serious?! [Chandler Bing] Yes! I love you! I've never loved anybody as much as I love you. [Monica Geller] I've never loved anybody as much as I love you. [Chandler Bing] Okay, so if an eight comes up, we take it as a sign and we do it! {Whoa! Where have I heard that before? Matthew Perry talking about signs in Las Vegas. I guess it must've been some movie I saw.} What do you say? [Monica Geller] Okay! [Chandler Bing] Okay! Come on! Let's go! All right! [Chandler Bing] Okay! That's a four! And where-where's the other one? [Drunken Gambler] It went under the table. [Monica Geller] Nobody move! Okay, you look that way; I'll look this way! [Chandler Bing] All right! [Chandler Bing] Here it is! Here it is! [Monica Geller] That could be a four or a five. It's your call. [Chandler Bing] It's a four. [Monica Geller] I think so too. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh well, lost again. That's it! You and me, outside! [The Lurker] I don't want to see you lose a chunk of that pretty blond hair! [Phoebe Buffay] Be cool! Okay lady, your lurking days are over! [The Lurker] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, from now on everyone you lurk, I'm gonna lurk first! You move on to someone else, I'm gonna be one step ahead of you, every single time! And then I'll be on your ass every hour of every day 'til Monday, because that's when I go home. When do you leave? [The Lurker] Also Monday. [Phoebe Buffay] What time? Maybe we can share a cab! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. [Ross Geller] We need more cards. [Rachel Green] Yeah, and also we need more umm, drinks. Hold on a second. Whup, okay. Hello! Vegas? Yeah, we would like some more alcohol, and y'know what else? We would like some more beers. Hello? Ohh, I forgot to dial! [Ross Geller] That must be our alcohol and beers! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Ross Geller] Ohh, it's Joey! I love Joey! [Rachel Green] Ohh, I love Joey! Joey lives with a duck! [Joey Tribbiani] Hi! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Look-look-look you guys, I need some help! Okay? Someone is going to have to convince my hand twin to cooperate! [Ross Geller] I'll do it. Hey, whatever you need me to do, I'm your man. Whoa-oh-whoa! Are you, are you okay? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! I'm fine! Thanks! Hey Rach, how you doin'? [Rachel Green] I'm doin' good, baby. How you doin'? [Joey Tribbiani] Ross, don't let her drink anymore! [Ross Geller] Ohh, here's that Macadamia nut! [Rachel Green] Ohhh!! [Ross Geller] Nope! Something else. [Rachel Green] Oops! All right, so what do you want to do now? [Ross Geller] I wanna get out of the room! Y'know, I...I really miss downstairs. [Rachel Green] Okay, y'know what? There's only one way I'm leaving this hotel room. [Ross Geller] Well hello! I'm Ross! [Rachel Green] Good luck to ya! [Ross Geller] Excuse me sir, you've got a little something right here. [Rachel Green] Wow! [Ross Geller] Hello! [Rachel Green] Hello! [Rachel Green] Hello! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] I won! I won! I finally won! [The Lurker] I won! That was my quarter! [Phoebe Buffay] Fine! Here! Take a hike toots! [The Lurker] Excuse me, sir! This lady played my quarter, this is my money. [The Security Guard] Is that true miss? [Phoebe Buffay] Sells drugs to kids. [The Security Guard] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] She sells drugs to kids. [The Lurker] It was my quarter! [The Security Guard] Was it her quarter? [Phoebe Buffay] How about we talk about this over dinner? [The Security Guard] Okay lady, you're out of here. [Phoebe Buffay] No! No, you can't arrest me! No!! I won't go back! I won't go back to that hell hole!! [The Security Guard] I'm just taking you outside! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, okay. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Okay, come on, I can't get married until I get something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. [Chandler Bing] Okay, all right, all right, all right! Okay! Okay, here's something, here's something blue and new. [Monica Geller] You're so efficient. I love you! [Chandler Bing] Let's go! [Monica Geller] No-no-no! We need something old! [Chandler Bing] Ohh, great, I have condom in my wallet I've had since I was twelve. [Monica Geller] That'll work! [Chandler Bing] I don't think so. [Monica Geller] Okay, now we just need something borrowed! [Chandler Bing] Here just...take this. [Monica Geller] That's stealing! [Chandler Bing] No, we'll-we'll bring it back! Just put it under your dress. [Monica Geller] Ohh. [Chandler Bing] Okay, one thing at a time. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Ahhh! [Joey's Hand Twin] Are you gonna play? [Joey Tribbiani] No-no, I don't really have any money. Not yet, anyway... [Joey's Hand Twin] You can't sit here if you're not gonna play. [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh-ho-ho! [Phoebe Buffay] Hello. My name is Regina Phalange. I'm a businesswoman in town on business. Would you like to see my card? Ooh, what did I do with my file-a-facts? I must've left it in conference room B. [Joey's Hand Twin] 14. [Joey Tribbiani] Hit me! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! May I just say that you two gentlemen have the exact same hands! They're identical! Now, I've never seen anything like that in the business world. [Joey's Hand Twin] Stop it! [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh, Ms. Phalange, may I ask you a question as an impartial person at-at this table? [Joey's Hand Twin] Please stop it! [Joey Tribbiani] Wouldn't you pay good money to see these identical hands showcased in some type of a uh, entertainment venue? [Joey's Hand Twin] If you leave now, I will chop off my hand and give it too you! [The Security Guard] Didn't I just throw you out of here? [Phoebe Buffay] No, you threw out Phoebe. I'm Ms. Regina Phalange. Phalange! [The Security Guard] Come on, lady! [Joey's Hand Twin] Please, please take him too. [Joey Tribbiani] Me?! Oh come on, man! You can't do this! Come on! I'm your hand twin!! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hello! One marriage please! [Monica Geller] Yep, we wanna get married! [The Attendant] Well, there's a service in progress. Have a seat. [Chandler Bing] All right. [Chandler Bing] Dum! Dum-dum-dum! Dum! Dum! Dum! Dum-dum-dum! [Monica Geller] What are you doing? [Chandler Bing] Oh, that's The Wedding March. Does, does that freak you out? [Monica Geller] No, only because that's the graduation song. [Chandler Bing] Okay! This is it! We're gonna get married! [Monica Geller] Are you sure you wanna do this? [Ross Geller] Well, hello, Mrs. Ross! [Rachel Green] Well, hello, Mr. Rachel! [Rachel Green] Wait! Okay!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s05", "episode": "e24", "title": "The One In Vegas, Part 2"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One After Vegas [Chandler Bing] Okay! This is it! We're gonna get married! [Monica Geller] Are you sure you wanna do this? [Ross Geller] Well, hello, Mrs. Ross! [Rachel Green] Well, hello, Mr. Rachel! [Rachel Green] Wait! Okay! [Monica Geller] Whoa! [Chandler Bing] Oh my God! [Joey Tribbiani] Come on Pheebs! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay! Okay! Okay! [Chandler Bing] Oh my God!! Is everybody getting married?!! [Attendant] N-No running in the chapel! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! Don't you give me any of your-Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Monica Geller] What are you guys doing here? [Joey Tribbiani] Ross and Rachel left us a message saying they were getting married! Isn't that why you guys are here? [Chandler Bing] Yes! Well that-yes. [Monica Geller] Why else would we be here? [Joey Tribbiani] Well! What happened?! Did we miss it? [Chandler Bing] We actually missed it. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, maybe you wouldn't have had you run in the chapel! [Monica Geller] This is insane! [Phoebe Buffay] What's the big deal, y'know? It's not like it's a real marriage. [Chandler Bing] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, if you get married in Vegas, you're only married in Vegas. [Monica Geller] What are you talking about? If you get married in Vegas you're married everywhere. [Phoebe Buffay] Really?! [Monica Geller] Yeah! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God!-Eh! Well... --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ohhh! [Ross Geller] Why are we in bed together? [Rachel Green] I don't know. Do-do you have any clothes on? [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Really?! [Ross Geller] No! But we-we didn't have...sex-uh, did we? I mean, I don't remember much about last night, it was such a blur. [Rachel Green] Oh! I remember laughing! I laughed a lot. [Ross Geller] And we didn't have sex. [Rachel Green] Ohh, I mean, we were really drunk. I'm just glad we didn't do anything stupid. [Ross Geller] Tell me about it. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Mornin' Pheebs. Well, my movie has officially been canceled. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh Joey, I'm so sorry. You want some of my breakfast? [Joey Tribbiani] Nah, I'm too depressed to eat. I'll probably eat in like 5 minutes. So I guess I'll just fly home with you guys, what time's your flight? [Phoebe Buffay] What about my cab? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't need that anymore. [Phoebe Buffay] No, Joey! You borrowed my cab; you have to drive it back. [Joey Tribbiani] I don't want to drive all the way back by myself, I get so lonely. Oh-ooh! How about you come with me? [Phoebe Buffay] I don't know, it's such a long trip. [Joey Tribbiani] It'll be great! We-we could talk, and play games! Huh? This could be our chance to like renew our friendship. [Phoebe Buffay] Are you asking me to have a frenaissance? [Joey Tribbiani] Sure? [Phoebe Buffay] All right. Although I don't think we need one, I never stopped loving you. [Chandler Bing] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Monica Geller] Hey. [Chandler Bing] So, has anyone talked to Dr. and Mrs. Geller yet? [Phoebe Buffay] Um-hmm, yeah. They left me a message; they should be here any minute. [Joey Tribbiani] Where is the waitress?! I'm starving! [Chandler Bing] It's a buffet man. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, here's where I win all my money back! [Chandler Bing] Listen, I gotta talk to you. [Joey Tribbiani] Sure! What's up? [Chandler Bing] Monica and I almost got married last night. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God! That's huge! Wait a minute, why come I wasn't invited? And who was going to be your best man? Don't say, "Ross." Do not say, "Ross." [Chandler Bing] Look, I just don't think Monica and I are ready to get married yet! Y'know? I mean, I love her and everything but seeing Ross and Rachel coming out of that chapel was like a, like a wake-up call that Monica and I are moving so fast. Y'know? And, how do I tell her without crushing her? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh! Tell her she's not marriage material. [Chandler Bing] What?! [Joey Tribbiani] Girls say it to me all the time! And believe me, if she's anything like me, she's just gonna be relieved. [Monica Geller] How do I tell Chandler that it's too soon. It's gonna break his heart, he's not gonna think that I don't love him anymore. [Phoebe Buffay] Well you don't. [Monica Geller] Yes I do! [Phoebe Buffay] Good! Good! I was just testing you. [Chandler Bing] Hi. [Monica Geller] Oh hi! Hi! Y'know, we were just talking about bacon. [Phoebe Buffay] No, we were talking about tennis. Tennis is more believable. [Ross Geller] Hey! [The Girls] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Ross Geller] What? [Chandler Bing] Are we gonna talk about what you guys did last night? Or... [Rachel Green] I don't know. What do you mean last night? Nothing, nothing uh, happened last night. [Ross Geller] Yeah! [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh! Ross invited us all to watch. [Monica Geller] Rach! We weren't gonna miss our friends getting married! [Rachel Green] Who got married?! [Chandler Bing] You did. [Ross Geller] What?! Hello! We didn't get married. [Rachel Green] No, we didn't get married! That's ridiculous! [Ross Geller] We-we-we-I remember being in a chapel. [Rachel Green] Oh my God. [Ross Geller] I-They would not let us get married when we were that drunk! [Rachel Green] No! [Joey Tribbiani] They let you get married when you're drunk! Most people who get married in Vegas are drunk! [Phoebe Buffay] Hell, I'm drunk right now! What? I can't have a mimosa with breakfast?! I'm on vacation! [Monica Geller] What are you guys gonna do? [Rachel Green] Well, I guess we just find a divorce lawyer? [Chandler Bing] Well, I think, I think, Ross already has one. Now, this one's free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so the third one's free. [Ross Geller] Laugh it up, but the joke's on you. Because we don't need to get divorced, okay? We we're just gonna get an annulment. [Joey Tribbiani] An annulment? Ross! I don't think surgery's the answer here. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh-oh, that's your thing. [Ross Geller] What? [Phoebe Buffay] You're thing. You're thing. Y'know? You're the guy who gets divorced. [#ALL#] Oh yeah! [Ross Geller] No-no, that's-that's not my thing! I do not love getting divorced! [Phoebe Buffay] Yes you do! This is your third divorce! You love divorce so much you're probably gonna marry it! Then it won't work out and you're gonna have to divorce it, divorcing guy. I'm so drunk. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] So, what do you think we should do? [Chandler Bing] I don't know. But I-I-I know I love you! [Monica Geller] I know I love you! [Chandler Bing] So where are we on the whole going back to the place where they have all the marriages thing? I love you. [Monica Geller] That's a good question. Look umm, last night we let the dice decide. Maybe we should leave it up to fate again. I love you! [Chandler Bing] Yes, we don't get married unless there's a sign! Okay, so say uh, say you roll another eight then there's a definite sign that we should get married. [Monica Geller] All right, eight we get married, but 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12 we don't get married. [Chandler Bing] Sounds great. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Croupler] Coming in, we got a shooter! Money please. [Monica Geller] Ready? [Chandler Bing] Ready! [Monica Geller] Come on eight. [Chandler Bing] Yes, yes eight. [Croupler] Eight! Easy eight. [Monica Geller] Wow! I can't believe I actually rolled an eight. [Chandler Bing] That was so unlikely. Well, let's get married! I guess. [Monica Geller] Wait a minute. That wasn't a hard eight! Last night I rolled a hard eight. [Chandler Bing] That's right! It was the wrong kind of eight, no wedding! Damnit! [Monica Geller] I wanted it so bad! Wanna go pack? [Chandler Bing] Yeah. We're doing the right thing, right? [Monica Geller] Ohh, of course we are! We left it up to fate. If we were supposed to get married there would be a clear-cut sign. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, you have 19 questions left. Use them wisely. Come on Joey! You can't win if you don't ask any QUESTIONS!!! [Joey Tribbiani] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, you promised me a fun road trip! We've been on the road six hours and you've been asleep for five and a half! We are switching at the next rest stop and you are going to drive all the way back! That will be your punishment, you greedy sleeper! [Joey Tribbiani] All right. All right. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! And until then you are going to sing to me because the radio's broken and you are selfish but have a nice voice. [Joey Tribbiani] Really? I don't... [Phoebe Buffay] Sing!! [Joey Tribbiani] I wanna rock and roll all night! [Joey Tribbiani] Man, this is a long drive! Are my eyes open? No! [Hitchhiker] Morning! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey, hubby! [Ross Geller] Yeah. Yeah, actually um, I wanted to talk to you about that whole annulment thing? [Rachel Green] Uh-huh. [Ross Geller] I'm not going to do that. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Okay! So, we'll just stay married. [Ross Geller] Yes, exactly! [Rachel Green] And I will make everyone call me Mrs. Geller! [Ross Geller] Wow! This is so amazing. I uh, I really thought I'd have to talk you into this more. [Rachel Green] Okay, see now I'm scared because I don't actually think you're kidding. [Ross Geller] I'm-I'm not kidding. Look I-I, I can't have three failed marriages. I can't. Okay? I-I am not gonna be that guy! [Rachel Green] What-wh-what so we'll just stay married forever?! [Ross Geller] Okay, look, how is this gonna affect you? Really? I mean you fill some form out once and a while and instead of checking the box that says Ms you check the box that says Mrs.! It's right next to it! [Rachel Green] Ohh, okay, I'm sorry. You're right. Y'know what? We absolutely can stay married, because I was under the impression that the boxes were far away from each other. All right, look, just please, take a moment here and think about what you're asking of me. [Ross Geller] I'm asking you to do me a favor. [Rachel Green] You are asking me to be your wife! [Ross Geller] And as my wife I think you should grant me this favor. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] That kid really kicked me hard on the plane. [Chandler Bing] Well you did pull his hair. [Monica Geller] He took my snack! [Chandler Bing] I'm not getting into this again! [Monica Geller] Okay! Oh God, y'know what? It's really bad. [Chandler Bing] Well, I told you not to walk. Here. There. Okay. [Monica Geller] This doesn't mean anything, does it? [Chandler Bing] No! [Monica Geller] Okay. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] How could you pick up a hitchhiker?! He could be a rape-, a rapist or a killer or something! [Joey Tribbiani] Don't you think I asked him that before he got in?! [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know what? I'm not talking to you! You go back to sleep! And you, are you a rapist?! [Hitchhiker] No! [Phoebe Buffay] Do you like car games? [Hitchhiker] Yeah, y'know the license plate game? [Phoebe Buffay] I love the license plate game! [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh, I'll play! I'll play! [Phoebe Buffay] No-No! You need your sleep. Night-night! Shh! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Ross Geller] Listen, I know you wanted to talk to me, but I have an idea that may make you want to stay married. We register, and you get to keep all the presents! [Rachel Green] No! Ross, come on! No! Listen, look I thought a lot about how to tell you this and the bottom line, Ross, is we can not stay married. [Ross Geller] I don't know if it's true. [Rachel Green] Oh b-b-but it is! [Ross Geller] Oh, okay, y'know what this is? This is a difference of opinion. And when that happens in a marriage... [Rachel Green] Oh Ross, come on! This is not, this is not a marriage!! This is the world's worst hangover! Ross, listen, if you do not get this annulment, I will! [Ross Geller] All right. All right, I'll do it. [Rachel Green] Thank you. Hey-hey umm, uh, is there, is there any such thing as an annulment shower? --------------------------------------- [Hitchhiker] Wait! Wait! There is the train station! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, okay. [Hitchhiker] This is where I get off. Well, I have your address and phone number. [Phoebe Buffay] And I have your name and the fact that you're a drifter, so the ball's pretty much in your court. [Hitchhiker] All right, see ya Pheebs. [Joey Tribbiani] Come on Pheebs! I can't take this anymore! Let-let me make it up to you. Huh? Ground control to Major Tom. Commencing countdown, engines on. Take your protein pills and put your helmet on! [Phoebe Buffay] Stop it! Stop it no! That's not fair! Y'know I can't resist that beautiful voice! [Joey Tribbiani] Pheebs, I am so sorry! I know I promised you a fun road trip with your friend and I didn't deliver. But-but-but now I know that you think being awake is an important part of friendship! So, so, so I will strive to-to stay awake for as long as I know you. [Phoebe Buffay] You can still sleep at night and stuff. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, thank you. So, can we play 20 Questions now? I've got a really good one! I've been thinking about it since Kansas. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Is it a kind of hot sandwich? [Joey Tribbiani] Yes. [Phoebe Buffay] Is it a meatball sub? [Joey Tribbiani] That is incredible! You are the master! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Huh, that's funny. You look like you're gonna be the... [Monica Geller] No, don't say it! Don't even think it! [Rachel Green] All right. Okay Chandler, enjoy your handful. [Chandler Bing] All right, should we just, should we just get married? Y'know? I mean should we just do it? All the signs are telling us to do it. [Monica Geller] I'm sick of the signs! It's too fast, I'm happy the way things are! [Chandler Bing] Me too! [Monica Geller] I don't want things to change! Do you? [Chandler Bing] No! [Monica Geller] All right then, then nothing changes! Everything is great! Everything stays the same! And you go unpack because it's been three days and it's driving me insane! [Chandler Bing] Jeez, relax! It's not like we're mar-ah-ah!! [Chandler Bing] Y'know I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here? [Monica Geller] Then all your stuff would be here. [Chandler Bing] Well, what if all my stuff was here? [Monica Geller] Then you'd be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesn't make any sense. [Chandler Bing] Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what I'm saying? [Monica Geller] Live together? There have been no signs for that. [Chandler Bing] Me asking is kind of a sign. [Monica Geller] YES!!!!!!!! [Chandler Bing] Okay!!!!! [Monica Geller] Yes! Okay! Okay! Wait-wait-wait! [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] Here's your key [Chandler Bing] Oh thanks. [Monica Geller] Here's your key. All right, you have to christen it! Now, go out and come back in! [Chandler Bing] The door hasn't been locked in five years, but okay! Ready?! [Monica Geller] Ready! [Chandler Bing] Okay, a little problem. The key broke in the lock and I can't get in! [Monica Geller] Wait! Oh my God! I can't get out! [Chandler Bing] This is not a sign! [Monica Geller] No, it's not a sign! It's a very old key! [Chandler Bing] It's an old key! [Monica Geller] Oh my God it's old! [Chandler Bing] I love you! [Monica Geller] I love you! [Chandler Bing] Are you hugging the door right now. [Monica Geller] No. [Chandler Bing] Yeah-yeah, me neither. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey, so did everything go all right with the annulment? [Ross Geller] Oh, yeah, no problems. It's all taken care of. [Rachel Green] Ross, thank you. Hey, do you guys wanna go see a movie? [Ross Geller] Oh yeah, why not? [Rachel Green] Pheebs? [Phoebe Buffay] No thanks, I've already seen one. [Rachel Green] Okay, umm, I'm gonna get my sweater. [Ross Geller] Okay. You uh, you wanna hear something weird? [Phoebe Buffay] Always. [Ross Geller] I didn't get the annulment. [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Ross Geller] We're still married! Don't tell Rachel. See you later. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] What are you doing? [Chandler Bing] The key's stuck in the lock. [Joey Tribbiani] I can fix it. Hold on. Look out. Look out. [Chandler Bing] It still doesn't work. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm not finished. [Chandler Bing] Oh. [Chandler Bing] Nice job Joe! You're quite the craftsmen.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e01", "title": "The One After Vegas"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey, so did everything go okay with the annulment? [Ross Geller] Oh, yeah, no problems. It's all taken care of. [Rachel Green] Ross, thank you. Hey, do you guys wanna go see a movie? [Ross Geller] Oh yeah, why not? [Rachel Green] Okay, umm, I'm gonna get my sweater. [Ross Geller] Okay. You uh, you wanna hear something weird? [Phoebe Buffay] Always. [Ross Geller] I didn't get the annulment. [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Ross Geller] We're still married! Don't tell Rachel. See you later. [Ross Geller] Hey, do you have any gum? [Rachel Green] Oh? Yeah! Sure! [Phoebe Buffay] Wait! Wait! Hi! Listen, Ross can I just talk to you for just a second? [Rachel Green] Oh but Phoebe, we're gonna be late for the movie. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, there's a cab! Taxi!! Good timing, my God, huh? Here you go. [Rachel Green] Yeah, we're, we're actually just gonna walk 'cause it's right up there at the Angelica. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, the Angelica!! Go! Go! You didn't get the annulment?!! [Ross Geller] I know. [Phoebe Buffay] Ross?! [Ross Geller] Well, I tried! But when I got to my lawyer's office all I could hear was, "Three divorces. Three divorces!" Look, I just don't want my tombstone to read, Ross Gellar, Three Divorces. [Phoebe Buffay] Don't be worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, Ross Geller, Good at Marriage! Y'know? Mine's gonna say Phoebe Buffay, Buried Alive. [Ross Geller] Look, all I know is I-I can't have another failed marriage! [Phoebe Buffay] So okay what? You're gonna be married to a girl who doesn't even know about it?!-Op, woman! Sorry. [Ross Geller] Well, okay so, I don't have it all worked out quite yet. Just don't say anything to Rachel, please? [Phoebe Buffay] Rachel is one of my closest friends. Although, being the only one who knows anything about this does makes me feel special. Okay! [Rachel Green] Okay, stop-stop! Phoebe?! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey Rach! [Rachel Green] What was that?! [Phoebe Buffay] Sorry, mix up. Hey, how was the movie? [Rachel Green] I haven't seen it yet! [Phoebe Buffay] Well then you'd better hurry! The Angelica! Go! Go! [Rachel Green] Noooooooo!! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Y'know when we move in together, can I get a gumball machine? [Monica Geller] Of course! Joey wouldn't let you have one? [Chandler Bing] No. When it comes to sweets, he's surprisingly strict. [Monica Geller] Hey, have you figured out a way to tell him you're moving out? [Chandler Bing] No, no, I keep trying, y'know? I can get out, "Joey, I have too..." but then I lose my nerve and I always finish with, "...go to the bathroom." He may think I'm sick. [Monica Geller] Y'know, I really have to tell Rachel, but I... We just have to get it over with! Y'know, the next time we see them we're just gonna tell them. Okay? That's it. [Chandler Bing] Oh, so that's this is gonna work now? You're just gonna order me around all the time? [Monica Geller] Pretty much. [Chandler Bing] All right. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Monica! [Monica Geller] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey man, you feeling any better? [Monica Geller] Joey, we have something to tell you. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God! You're pregnant! [Chandler Bing] No-o-o! No? No-o-o! Look Joey, here's the thing, Monica and I have decided to live together, here. So, I'm gonna be moving out man. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! Well, uh... Hey! I'm really happy for you guys! Congratulations! See you later. [Monica Geller] Wait! Joey! Joey! Are you okay?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I gotta go! I got an acting job. Like you'd believe that. This sucks! [Chandler Bing] Look, I-I'm just gonna be right across the hall and I promise you, the minute Monica and I break up I'm moving right back in with you! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay! Look-look-look, uh, if you're gonna be moving in with him I feel it's my responsibility to tell you the truth about him! Okay? He's a terrible roommate! Terrible! He uh, forgets to umm... Oh-oh he always, he always umm-Oh, who am I kidding! He's the best roommate ever! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey Pheebs! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey, have you seen Rachel? [Phoebe Buffay] No, why? [Monica Geller] I have some pretty exciting news! [Phoebe Buffay] You're pregnant! [Monica Geller] No! Chandler and I are moving in together! [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh! That's Good! Wow! But Now If You Were Pregnant, What Would You Name It? Hint Phoebe. [Ross Geller] Hey! Hi! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Ross Geller] What's up? [Monica Geller] Well umm, Chandler and I are moving in together. [Ross Geller] Oh my God. Ohh, my little sister and my best friend...shaking up. Oh, that's great. That's great. [Phoebe Buffay] Guys, I'm happy too. [Monica Geller] Okay, come here! [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! Big day huh? People moving in, people getting annulled... [Monica Geller] Okay, I gotta go find Rachel but umm, if you guys see her could you please try to give her some really bad news so that mine doesn't seem so bad? [Ross Geller] Bye. [Phoebe Buffay] Hmm, something bad to tell Rachel... Bad news for Rachel, what could that be?! [Ross Geller] Could ya just, could ya just lay off, please? All right? My life is an embarrassment! I should go live under somebody's stairs! [Phoebe Buffay] Ross, it's not that big a deal! So you'll been divorced three times, you'll still have a life, you'll go on dates... [Ross Geller] No! No, I won't! I'll be at the bottom of the dating barrel now. The only guys below me will be Four Divorce Guy uh, Murderer Guy, and-and, Geologists. [Phoebe Buffay] Ross, you're being ridiculous! Okay? You are cute and smart and sweet and that is much more important than three stupid divorces! [Ross Geller] Oh yeah? Have you ever dated anyone who has been divorced three times? [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know that's really fair. Y'know? Most guys who have been divorced three times are like 60. Ross, nobody cares about this except you! This-this embarrassment thing is all in your head! Here, I'll show you! Come here. [Ross Geller] What?! Why? [Phoebe Buffay] Hi! Hi! Listen, my friend Ross is about to be divorced for the third time, but wouldn't you date him? [Ross Geller] And if you wait right here, I'll go get Ross. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Monica Geller] Ugh, I thought you were Rachel! [Chandler Bing] What gave me away? [Monica Geller] I just tell her, I have to get it over with. I told Ross and Phoebe and she's the only one left! [Chandler Bing] Okay, so that's it, everybody knows! It's official, we're moving in together. No turning back. Are ya scared? Are ya? [Monica Geller] No. [Chandler Bing] Wow that was my scariest voice! You're very brave. [Rachel Green] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Rachel Green] Ugh, the worse day! Y'know, you think you're making progress at work and then your boss calls you Raquel. [Chandler Bing] Hey listen, for the first four years of my work everybody called me Sha-la-lap. Seriously. [Rachel Green] I believe you. So, it was right in the middle of a staff meeting so of course no one else wants to correct her so everyone else is calling me Raquel! By the end of the day, the mailroom guys were calling me Rocky! [Chandler Bing] Well, I-I still think you're very-very nice and very pretty... [Rachel Green] What? [Chandler Bing] All yours babe. [Monica Geller] Have a seat. Okay, listen umm, Chandler and I are going to live together, here. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! That's so great! I'm so happy for you guys! [Monica Geller] Really?! [Rachel Green] And that was so sweet of you to ask! Oh my God, the three of us are gonna have such a good time living together! [Monica Geller] Yes, we are. [Rachel Green] And Chandler, you're gonna have to watch those long showers you take in the morning because you know Raquel can't be late. [Chandler Bing] Rach... [Monica Geller] Yeah, he's gonna work on that. [Rachel Green] Ohh! This is so exciting! Oh God... Come and knock on my door... [Monica Geller] We'll be waiting for you... --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] ...once you know the stories, it's not that bad. First marriage, wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second marriage, said the wrong name at the altar, a little my fault. Third marriage, well they really shouldn't allow you to get married when you're that drunk and have writing all over your face, Nevada's fault. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, so what do you think ladies? Who wouldn't be interested? Who wouldn't want to date him? [Stephanie] Well the divorces don't bother me, I'd date him. But, not while he's still married. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, what about you? Wouldn't you want a date? [Karin] Actually, I'm dating at all anymore. See, I figured out that I was only dating guys that were like y'know bad for me, so until I work that out... [Phoebe Buffay] Whatever! What about you Meg? [Meg] Well, I don't care about the divorces either, but I wouldn't date him. It's just that he's obviously still in love with this Rachel girl. [Ross Geller] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] She said, "He's obviously still in love with this Rachel girl." [Ross Geller] This is crazy! I mean, yes-yes Rachel is my good friend and I-I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife! Phoebe, will you-will you help me out here? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I thought you loved her when you-when you married her. [Ross Geller] We were drunk! I would've married uh, Joey with that amount of alcohol! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribbiani!! [Ross Geller] Look, I'm sorry, but you guys are wrong. I just don't want to be divorced three times. [Phoebe Buffay] Yes, and now he's using this three divorces reason because he wants to stay married to her because he loves her. I must say, "Well done!" Bravo Meg. [Ross Geller] Okay! Fine! Fine! If-if this is what you think, forget about the whole three divorce thing! Okay, I-I'll go to my lawyer's office right now and get this marriage annulled! Okay?! Because she means nothing to me! Noth--Nothing!! [Meg] Okay now I wouldn't date you because you seem a little creepy. [Karin] I am so attracted to him right now. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Okay, when are we gonna tell Rachel what is actually gonna happen? [Monica Geller] Soon! I-I just couldn't before. You saw how upset Joey got! I couldn't do that to her, she's my best friend! [Chandler Bing] Well, Joey's my best friend. [Monica Geller] I'm not your best friend? [Chandler Bing] You just said... Of course you're my best friend. Would you please tell Rachel though? [Monica Geller] All right, all right, at least I'm prepared. [Chandler Bing] Okay. Oh yes. [Monica Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey-hey! [Monica Geller] These aren't for you! Are you upset? [Chandler Bing] I am now! [Rachel Green] Hey roomie! [Chandler Bing] Okay, bye! [Monica Geller] Rach, there's something uh, important I have to tell you. [Rachel Green] Are you pregnant?! [Monica Geller] No! But, I'm throwing this shirt away! I think there was a little misunderstanding before. [Rachel Green] Um-hmm. [Monica Geller] Umm, when I said that uh, that Chandler and I wanted to umm, live together we meant alone together. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Oh, that's funny, I can't believe I did that. [Monica Geller] Oh no sweetie, no! This is my fault, I wasn't clear! I'm really sorry. And listen, you take as much time as you need to move out okay? There's absolutely no rush. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Monica Geller] Okay. Don't you want a cookie? [Rachel Green] Sure? Thanks. [Monica Geller] Maybe, do you need a tissue? [Rachel Green] Monica, where did you get these?! [Monica Geller] I made them! [Rachel Green] Ooh, good God, they're so yummy! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] God, it's gonna so weird like when I come home and you're not here. Y'know? No more Joey and Chan's. No more J and C's. "You wanna go over to Joey and Chandler's?" "Can't, its not there." [Chandler Bing] Look, I'm just gonna be across the hall, we can still do all the same stuff. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah but we won't be able to like get up in the middle of the night and have those long talks about our feelings and the future. [Chandler Bing] Not once did we do that. [Monica Geller] Hi. [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hi. [Monica Geller] So I, I told Rachel it was just gonna be the two of us. [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah? Well, how'd she take it? [Monica Geller] Really well. Yeah. Surprisingly well. Yeah, she didn't cry. She wasn't angry or sad. [Chandler Bing] And you're upset because you didn't make your best friend cry? [Monica Geller] I mean, all I'm asking for is just a little emotion! Is that too much to ask after six years?! I mean what? Are-are-are Rachel and I not as close as you guys?! I mean do we not have as much fun?! Don't I deserve a few tears?!! I mean we-we told Joey, he cried his eyes out! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! I did not cry my eyes out!! Come on! It's like the end of an era! No more J-man and Channie's!! [Chandler Bing] Okay, I gotta ask, who calls us that?! --------------------------------------- [Russell] You got married again. [Ross Geller] Yes. [Russell] So that's your second marriage in two years. [Ross Geller] Yes, second in two years. Third overall. [Russell] Ross, I have been a divorce attorney for 23 years and never had I so much business from one client. Why don't you tell me what happened. [Ross Geller] Basically, Rachel and I were in Vegas and we got drunk... [Russell] I'm sorry, is this the same Rachel who's name you said at the altar in the second marriage? [Ross Geller] Yes-yes-yes! But, I-I do not love her. [Russell] Oh, that's better then. [Ross Geller] This was just a drunken mistake and I need to get it annulled. [Russell] I see. Have you considered therapy? [Ross Geller] I think just the annulment for today. [Russell] There are a couple of forms to fill out. [Ross Geller] Easy. [Russell] And we'll need to have witnesses who can testify that you were not of uh, sound mind. [Ross Geller] No problem. [Russell] And we'll need you and Rachel to testify before a judge. [Ross Geller] Ooh! There's no way to do this without her? 'Cause I kinda all ready told her uh, it was, it was already taken care of. [Russell] Of course you did. Look Ross, you can't get an annulment unless you and Rachel are both there. [Ross Geller] Uh-ha, what about someone who looks like Rachel? I will think about the therapy. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey. So um, I was thinking that maybe we should start dividing up our stuff. [Rachel Green] Okay! [Monica Geller] Y'know, no point in dragging it out. Dragging out the long process of you moving out and us not living together anymore. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Monica Geller] Hey Rach, what about this? Huh? Who-who gets this? See, I don't know if I want it because it might be y'know, too many memories! [Rachel Green] What the hell is that? [Monica Geller] I don't know. Hey, Rachel, you want the big plate? I want you to have the big plate. [Rachel Green] Wow! Mon, thanks! I love this plate! [Monica Geller] Something to remember me by! [Rachel Green] Mon, honey you're not dying. I'm just moving out. Y'know, I mean we're gonna see each other all the time. [Monica Geller] But still, it's a big change. The end of an era, you might say! [Rachel Green] Are you okay? You're not blinking. [Monica Geller] I'm fine! I just, I'm thinking how much it's an end of era. [Rachel Green] Oh, all right. But y'know I gotta say, I don't, I don't think six years counts as an era. [Monica Geller] An era is defined as a significant period of time. Now, it was significant to me, maybe it wasn't significant to you! [Rachel Green] What is the matter with you?! [Monica Geller] What is the matter with you?!! Why aren't you more upset?! Aren't you gonna be sad that we're not gonna be living together anymore?! I mean aren't you gonna miss me at all?! [Rachel Green] All right, fine, but don't get mad at me. It's-it's just a little hard to believe. [Monica Geller] What's hard to believe? [Rachel Green] Well y'know, it's you guys. You-you do this kind of stuff! Y'know? I mean, you-you were gonna get married in Vegas and then you backed out! I guess I'm not upset because I don't see you guys going through with it. I'm sorry. [Monica Geller] Rachel, it's going to happen. Chandler is gonna move in here. [Rachel Green] But I... [Monica Geller] No-no, wait! Just let me finish, okay? This isn't something that we just, we just impulsively decided in-in Vegas, this is something we both really want. And it is going to happen. [Rachel Green] It is? Really? [Monica Geller] Yeah, sweetie. [Rachel Green] I mean we're not, we're not gonna live together anymore? [Monica Geller] No. [Rachel Green] What? Oh my God! I'm gonna miss you so much! [Monica Geller] I'm gonna miss you! [Rachel Green] I mean it's the end of an era! [Monica Geller] I know! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, bye! [Ross Geller] Oh no. [Phoebe Buffay] So? Did you get the annulment? [Ross Geller] I couldn't. [Phoebe Buffay] I knew it! Because you love Rachel. [Ross Geller] It's not that. Okay? Annulments are more complicated than I... [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, complicated 'cause of the love. [Ross Geller] I... I do, I do not love Rachel. I'm gonna tell her right now about the whole thing so we can get this marriage annulled as fast as possible. Okay? Would I do that if I loved her? [Phoebe Buffay] I've never been more convinced of your love for her. [Ross Geller] I do not have feelings for Rachel! Okay?! [Ross Geller] Ohh, what's wrong?! [Rachel Green] Monica and Chandler are really moving in here and I have to move out and everything is changing. [Ross Geller] Oh my-Come here! Come here! It's okay. Everything's gonna be okay. [Rachel Green] Thank you. [Ross Geller] Of course. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] So, Ross and Rachel got married, Monica and Chandler almost got married, do you think you and I should hook up? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh we do, but not just yet. [Joey Tribbiani] Really?! Well, when? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay umm, well, first Chandler and Monica will get married and be filthy rich by the way. Yeah. But it won't work out. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow. [Phoebe Buffay] I know. Then, I'm gonna marry Chandler for the money and you'll marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids. [Joey Tribbiani] Great! [Phoebe Buffay] But then we ditch those two and that's when we get married. We'll have Chandler's money and Rachel's kids and getting custody will be easy because of Rachel's drinking problem. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh-oh, what about Ross? [Phoebe Buffay] I don't want to go into the whole thing, but umm, we have words and I kill him.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e02", "title": "The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Ross's Denial [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes! [Joey Tribbiani] Dude! What are yo-you trying to kill me?! [Rachel Green] Pheebs, I wanna ask you something. [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh, what? [Rachel Green] Well since I'm movin' out and-and you're so beautiful... [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! [Rachel Green] ...how about I move in with you? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, that would be great but then what do we do about Denise? [Monica Geller] Who's Denise? [Phoebe Buffay] My roommate. [Rachel Green] You have a roommate?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yes, Denise. Denise! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, what is with the secrecy Phoebe? Huh? And what about this Denise, is she cute? [Chandler Bing] Pheebs, I don't understand. How can you have a roommate that none of us know anything about? [Phoebe Buffay] Maybe because you never listen to anything that I say. I talk about her all the time! DENISE!!!!! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Rach, listen I was thinkin' uh, I'm gonna have an extra room over at my place... [Rachel Green] Oh, that's true. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, why don't you move in with me? It'll be great! We could stay up late, watch movies, and you know about Naked Thursday's right? [Rachel Green] Yeah, yeah I think I'm gonna find my own place. [Chandler Bing] Hey-hey! I thought Naked Thursday's was just our thing man! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. [Ross Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] So, what did Rachel say when you told her you were still married to her? [Ross Geller] Oh, that. Umm, she took it really well. [Phoebe Buffay] You didn't tell her did you? [Ross Geller] No. [Phoebe Buffay] Of course not, because you're in love with her. [Ross Geller] I am not in love with her. She was very upset about having to move out so I eh, didn't tell her we were still married because she would only get more upset. I-I just comforted her, as a friend. [Phoebe Buffay] What do you mean, comforted her? [Ross Geller] It's nothing, I just gave her a hug. [Phoebe Buffay] Ah-ha! A classic sign of love, the hug! [Ross Geller] It's also a sign of friendship. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, not in your case Lovey Loverson. [Ross Geller] It was a hug! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, just tell me this, did you or did you not smell her hair? [Ross Geller] S-s-smell her hair? What if I did? [Phoebe Buffay] Ninety percent of a women's pheromones come out the top of her head! That's why, that's why women are shorter. So that men will fall in love when they hug them! Oh come on Ross, you're a scientist. [Ross Geller] I was hugging her as a friend. It's not my fault her-her hair got in my face, she's got a lot of it and it smells all-all uh...coconutty. What?! Oh, that doesn't mean I have feelings for Rachel! Maybe it means I have feelings for coconuts! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, whatever you say. But just be careful, all right? Rachel's not in the same place you are. [Ross Geller] If the place you are referring too is being in love, then she is in the same place as me because I am not in that place! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I didn't understand that, but y'know, maybe that's 'cause you were speaking the secret language of love! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Dude, some guy just called for you. [Chandler Bing] Who was it? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know! How about, "Thanks for taking the message." Jeez! [Monica Geller] Okay listen, y'know when you move in Rachel's room is gonna be empty, you wanna talk about what we want to do with it? [Chandler Bing] Sure! [Monica Geller] Okay, I was thinking we should have a beautiful guest room, right? With a mahogany sleigh bed and bedside tables with flowers on them all the time! And we could have a roll top desk with comment cards on them so people could say how much they loved staying here!! Okay, whatever, I really haven't thought about it that much. [Chandler Bing] Well, I like that idea. Obviously! I was thinking maybe-maybe-maybe it could be a game room, y'know? I mean you can buy old arcade games like uh, like Space Invaders and Asteroids for $200, the real ones! The big-big ones! [Monica Geller] No. [Chandler Bing] Okay so you mean no as in, "Gee Chandler, what an interesting idea. Let's discuss it before we reject it completely." [Monica Geller] Oh, I'm sorry. Of course I mean that. Interesting idea, umm, talk about it, but no. [Chandler Bing] So, that's it? [Monica Geller] I just don't think arcade games go in the beautiful guest room. The beautiful guest room is gonna be filled with antiques. [Chandler Bing] Which is why Asteroids is perfect! It's the oldest game! [Monica Geller] What do you have against the beautiful guest room? [Chandler Bing] I don't have anything against the beautiful guest room, especially since everybody we know lives about 30 seconds away! [Monica Geller] Are you mocking me? [Chandler Bing] No, I'm not mocking you, or you beautiful guest room. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, what's up? [Chandler Bing] Nothing, Monica and I had a stupid fight. [Joey Tribbiani] But you're still moving in together, right? Because my ad came out today. [Chandler Bing] "Wanted. Female roommate, non-smoker, non-ugly." Nice! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah? I just figured y'know, after living with you it'd be an interesting change of pace to have a female roommate, y'know? Someone I can learn from, someone-someone who's different than me. And what's more different than me; a guy who's not 19 than say a girl who is 19? Enh? Not just a hat rack my friend! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Pheebs, I have to ask you... [Phoebe Buffay] Shhhhhh! I'm swamped right now. [Rachel Green] You're just staring into space. [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, I'm trying to move that pencil. [Rachel Green] This one? [Phoebe Buffay] It worked! [Rachel Green] Pheebs, this whole apartment thing is just a nightmare! Every place I can afford comes with a roommate who is a freak. I mean, look at this; "Wanted. Female roommate, non-smoker, non-ugly." It's just, there is nothing! The city's full! [Phoebe Buffay] Wait, no, look at this! "Two bedroom, two bath, must be non-smoker, Satan worshipers okay..." Oh, yeah, but it's on the ground floor. [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey. [Ross Geller] Rach, uh, you still looking for a place? [Rachel Green] Yeah! Why? [Ross Geller] Okay, there's this guy, Warren, from the museum and he's going on a dig for like two years and he's got this great place he needs to sublet. So uh, you interested? [Rachel Green] That sounds great! I'd love to live at Warren's!! I love Warren! Thank you! [Ross Geller] Don't thank me! If you wanna thank something, thank the volcano that erupted thousands of years ago, killing but perfectly preserving an entire civilization. Here's Warren's number. [Rachel Green] Oh, this is great! I am gonna call him right now! Oh, thank you! [Ross Geller] Okay, you go grab it! [Phoebe Buffay] I saw it. [Ross Geller] I don't know what you're talking about. [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, I'm talking about that which you already know but won't admit. You love her again; you re-love her! [Ross Geller] Look, I do not re-love her. [Phoebe Buffay] I can't believe you won't just admit it! Okay, just promise me that you won't do anything stupid. [Ross Geller] Look, we're just friends now! Okay? Why would I do anything stupid? [Rachel Green] Ugh!!! Well, the apartment is already subletted! I mean, this is just hopeless. I'm never gonna find anything. [Ross Geller] You can live with me. [Rachel Green] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Ross Geller] What? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Are you serious?! [Ross Geller] Uh-huh. [Rachel Green] I would love to live with you Ross; that's-that's great! Thank you! [Ross Geller] Well, I'm-I'm just glad I could, y'know, help you out. [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! I'm-I'm so happy for you guys. This is so-so, not stupid. [Rachel Green] Ross-Ross, you have no idea what this means to me! I mean, I mean I was gonna be homeless. You just saved me! You're my hero! [Ross Geller] Hero, I uh, I don't know-well, all right. [Rachel Green] Oh, I have to go tell Monica what a wonderful brother she has! [Ross Geller] Oh please! You're gonna say things now, aren't ya? [Phoebe Buffay] No. No, I won't. But I should tell you this, this exact same thing happened to my roommate Denise. She moved in with a guy who was secretly married to her and he said he didn't love her, but he really did, and it just blew up! And that's how she ended up living with me! Okay, that's a lie. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hi. [Monica Geller] Hi. [Chandler Bing] Hi, listen, I'm sorry about before. I don't need to have a game room. I mean when I was a kid I only played those games because I couldn't get girls, and now I can 'em-Now, I have you. Not-not that I think that I have you or think of you as property in any sort of way, I see women... [Monica Geller] Stop it Chandler. I'm sorry too. [Chandler Bing] Really? [Monica Geller] Yeah! Oh yes! [Chandler Bing] Ohh. [Monica Geller] Listen, we don't have to make that a guest room, we can think of something to do with the room together. [Chandler Bing] That's a great idea! We can easily think of a way for us both to enjoy the room. [Monica Geller] Totally! [Chandler Bing] We don't have to come up with this now. [Monica Geller] Oh good. [Chandler Bing] Hey, y'know what? Why don't we think about changes we can make in the living room? [Monica Geller] Changes? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I mean we're gonna have to move around some furniture to make room for my chair. [Monica Geller] You're-you're-you're gonna bring the Barca Lounger over here? [Chandler Bing] Is that a problem? [Monica Geller] Well, it's a set and they should probably stay together. [Chandler Bing] Oh, that's cool. Then I'll just bring them both over. [Monica Geller] See now-now you're taking them away from their home. [Chandler Bing] Okay, I get it. So, I get nothing! Nothing here is mine! Everything here is yours! I'll get up in the morning put on your clothes, and head off to work! [Monica Geller] Yeah-yeah, y'know what? Yeah, that's it-that's it, everything will be mine! Nothing will be yours! That's-that's what I said! Oh come on, Chandler! I'm talking about the barca lounger! It just, it doesn't match! Where is it gonna go?! [Chandler Bing] In the game room! [Monica Geller] Look it is not my fault that your chairs are incredibly ugly! [Chandler Bing] All right! That's fine! That's fine! I won't bring over the chairs! I won't bring anything over! I wouldn't want to ruin the ambiance over here at Grandma's place!! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Everything on your application looks really good-Ohh! Just one last question umm, are you and your friends gonna be over here all the time like partying and hanging out? [The Potential Roommate] Oh don't worry, I'm not really a party girl. [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa!! Now look, don't be just blurtin' stuff out. I want you to really think about your answers. Okay? [Chandler Bing] You can call off the roommate search! Hi! I'll be living here. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh don't listen to him, he's just some guy who really wants the apartment, but I don't think he's gonna get it. [Chandler Bing] Why did you take the shower curtain down? [Joey Tribbiani] That thing was a hazard! I'm very safety conscious. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey! Oh listen, I was just clearing some space for your stuff. [Rachel Green] Oh thanks, but listen, I was just at Monica's and she and Chandler had a big fight and they're not moving in. [Ross Geller] What do you mean, they're not moving in? They-they're still moving in right? [Rachel Green] No-no, they just had a big blowout over what to do with my room. [Ross Geller] What?! Over a stupid room! [Rachel Green] Yeah, I feel kinda bad for them, but I'm also really psyched 'cause I don't have to move in here! [Ross Geller] Oh no, yeah no, that part's great! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] What's all this about you guys fighting?! Is this really over a room?! I mean, that is so silly! [Monica Geller] Ross, we can handle this. [Ross Geller] Well, apparently not, and I can't just stand by and watch two people I care about very much be hurt over something that is so silly. I mean, enough of the silliness! [Chandler Bing] Well, why don't you tell her to stop being silly! [Ross Geller] Okay-okay! Two very good points, look I've known you both a long time, and I've never seen either of you one/millionth as happy as you've been since you've got together. Do you really want to throw that all away over a room? That is so silly. Now wh-what is more important, love or silliness? [Chandler Bing] Well, we are fond of the silliness, but we also have a soft spot for the love. [Monica Geller] Love is the best medicine. [Chandler Bing] That's laughter. [Monica Geller] Why do you do it? [Chandler Bing] I don't know. [Ross Geller] Okay! All right! Now, Chandler you-you wanna live with Monica, right? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I do. [Ross Geller] And Mon, you wanna live with Chandler, don't ya? [Monica Geller] Yes. [Ross Geller] Good! A verbal contract is binding in the state of New York! --------------------------------------- [Gunther] So I understand you're looking for a place. [Rachel Green] No-no, I'm staying put. [Gunther] Oh, I was going to offer you my apartment. [Rachel Green] Why, where are you going? [Gunther] I don't know. [Ross Geller] Hey Rach! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Ross Geller] You're never gonna believe it uh, Monica and Chandler are moving in again. That's great news right-I mean for them. Right? [Rachel Green] Oh wow. [Ross Geller] Yeah but, on the bright side, we get to be roommates again. [Rachel Green] Yeah. Y'know umm, uh, umm, about that, umm, Ross I really appreciate your offer to let me move in and everything, but don't you think it's gonna be weird? [Ross Geller] Wh-why?! Why-why-why would it, why would it be weird? [Rachel Green] Well, because of us! Because of our history. [Ross Geller] No! [Rachel Green] No? [Ross Geller] No! No! It would be weird if we were still in that place, I mean are you still in that place? [Rachel Green] No! Not at all! [Ross Geller] Good! Me neither! So it's not a problem. We're just two friends who happen to be roommates. [Rachel Green] Okay, but Ross, eventually you and I are gonna be dating. [Ross Geller] Really?! We are? [Rachel Green] Yeah! I'm gonna have a boyfriend, you're gonna have a girlfriend... [Ross Geller] Ohh! That would be great. [Rachel Green] But y'know what, if you think it's gonna be okay we'll just work out a system. Y'know, it'll be like college, I'll hang a hanger on the door and put a sign, "Come back later, I'm gettin' lucky." [Ross Geller] Yeah, I didn't think of that. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] So are you sure about this whole moving in thing?! I mean it's a really big step! And-and what's the rush?! [Monica Geller] That's very funny! [Chandler Bing] He's being silly, because he knows that we enjoy the silliness! [Ross Geller] No, I-I-I'm serious, okay? I mean, think about it. You move in, you start fighting over stupid game rooms, next thing y'know you break up! [Monica Geller] Ross, you were right before, it was just a stupid fight about a room. [Ross Geller] Okay, there are no stupid fights!! This isn't about the room, this is about what the room...represents! And unfortunately, this room could destroy you!! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I'm not so worried. [Monica Geller] Yeah, no, me neither. [Ross Geller] Fine! It's your life! I just don't want to see you guys break up! Which you will do if you move in together, but that's what you want, there's nothing I can do. DON'T DO IT!!!!! [Monica Geller] You still want to move in together right? [Chandler Bing] Of course! [Monica Geller] Ross didn't scare you? [Chandler Bing] Scared me out of ever wanting to live with him. [Monica Geller] Come here, I want to show you something! [Chandler Bing] Okay! [Chandler Bing] Oh my God! Someone's killed Square Man! [Monica Geller] This is where I thought the barca lounger could go! You see you could see the TV and it's still walking distance to the kitchen. [Chandler Bing] Oh that's so sweet! I want to show you something too! [Monica Geller] Okay! [Chandler Bing] Y'know those big-big uh, road signs that say "Merge?" [Monica Geller] Uh-hmm. [Chandler Bing] Y'know? So I was thinking that we could get one of those signs and hang it over our bed. Because, that's you and I together! Merge! [Monica Geller] Oh my God! I love that! [Chandler Bing] Really?! [Monica Geller] Uh, no!! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] I found you in my bed! How'd you whined up there? You are a mystery! Little black curly hair! Little black curly hair! Little black, little black, little black, little black, little black curly hair............ [Phoebe Buffay] Now if you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer. [Ross Geller] So umm, where are the other guys? [Rachel Green] Umm, well let's see Monica and Chandler are occupied. [Ross Geller] Fighting?! [Rachel Green] No, the other thing. I really think it's great they work things out. [Ross Geller] Yeah. There's no breaking them up, is there? [Rachel Green] Hey, can I borrow the key to your house so I can run across the street and make a copy? [Ross Geller] Sure! Here. [Rachel Green] Thank you. Now are you sure? Because once I make a copy, there's no turning back. [Ross Geller] Yeah, I'm-I'm sure. Yeah, get out of here before I change my mind. [Joey Tribbiani] Umm, listen, Ross do you really think this moving in with Rachel is a good idea? [Ross Geller] I've been back and forth. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah well, maybe you should go back! Okay? Rachel moves in, and before you know it you're right where you don't want to be! Back together! [Ross Geller] Ehh, I don't, I don't think so. She's already talked about y'know, dating other guys. [Joey Tribbiani] That's not gonna work out! Then she's gonna come home all weepy and you'll be tellin' her, "Oh that's okay. You'll find someone." And then, bamn! She finds you! [Ross Geller] Yeah, well, m-maybe you're right. [Joey Tribbiani] I am telling you Ross, she is definitely gonna fall in love with you again! Now, is that what you want? [Ross Geller] Is that what I want? [Phoebe Buffay] Yes. [Joey Tribbiani] Here she comes. Hold on, I'm gonna make your life much easier. [Rachel Green] All right, well the place was closed. I'll just copy it later. [Joey Tribbiani] Or not. Uh, Rach, why don't you just move in with me? [Ross Geller] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no... It's okay, I mean I-look Rach, I know I scared you off with that whole Naked Thursday's thing, but we don't have to do that! [Rachel Green] Well, it would be easier to move just right across the hall. Wait a minute, unless you're thinking about Naked Wednesday's. [Joey Tribbiani] Thursday's clearly not good for ya, pick a day! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hi! [The Potential Roommate] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Come in. Thanks for comin' back, umm, okay there have been a lot of people interested in the room, but I have narrowed it down and you are one of the finalists! [The Potential Roommate] Great! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay now, before I make my final decision I uh, I just want to make sure our personalities match. Okay, so I made up a little test. Now, I'm gonna say a word and then you say the first thing that comes to mind. [The Potential Roommate] I can do that. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay! Here we go. Pillow. [The Potential Roommate] Fight. [Joey Tribbiani] Very good! Okay. G. [The Potential Roommate] String? [Joey Tribbiani] Excellent! Okay umm, doggy. [The Potential Roommate] Kitten? [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh, sorry! No-no-no, so close though, but-bye-bye!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e03", "title": "The One With Ross's Denial"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance [Rachel Green] So, which of this kitchen stuff is mine? [Monica Geller] This bottle opener. [Rachel Green] And? [Monica Geller] And it's a magnet! [Rachel Green] Look at that! [Ross Geller] How weird is that? Y'know? You're moving in with me and have the one thing I don't have. It's like uh, in a way you-you complete me kitchen. [Rachel Green] What?! [Ross Geller] You complete me kitchen, matey! [Phoebe Buffay] Ross, I know what you're thinking. [Ross Geller] What? [Phoebe Buffay] That she's gonna move in with you and maybe then she'll fall in love with you and then when she finds out you're already married, she'll just be happy. Y'know? You're just, you're very sad. [Ross Geller] Oh...my...God! I-I see what this is! You are in love with Rachel! [Phoebe Buffay] What?!! [Ross Geller] Of course! It all adds up! I mean you you're obsessed with her. It's always, "Ross, what are you gonna do about Rachel?" "Ross, why-why are you moving in with Rachel?" "When are you gonna confess your secret marriage to Rachel?" You want her! [Phoebe Buffay] No! [Ross Geller] Uh-oh, saved by the bell. Hello? [Monica Geller] Hey Rach, aren't these candlesticks mine? [Rachel Green] No-no, I bought those. [Monica Geller] Ohh! Yeah, I forgot. [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Monica Geller] That you're a liar. [Ross Geller] No-no-no, that's great! I'll be there Monday. And thank you again! Okay. Umm, that was the head of the Paleontology department at N uh, Y, uh U! [Monica Geller] Wow! Uh what, did he uh, say? [Ross Geller] Well remember that paper I had published last year on sediment flow rate, huh? They loved it. [Rachel Green] Well, who wouldn't?! [Ross Geller] I know! Anyway, they asked me to be a guest lecturer! I mean it's temporary, but uh, if they like me it could lead to a full time job. How great would that look great on a mailbox, huh? "Professor Geller." [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, Professor and Mrs. [Rachel Green] And Mrs.?! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Yeah, y'know you and Ross are still married. [Rachel Green] What?!! [Phoebe Buffay] Just kidding! [Rachel Green] Ohh! Oh God! [Phoebe Buffay] Saved your ass. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hi. [Monica Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Oh, what's the matter? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, you know that psychic I see? [Chandler Bing] Yeah? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, she told me that I'm gonna die this week, so I'm kinda bummed about that. [Chandler Bing] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, and I know you guys don't know a lot about psychic readings, but that one is pretty much the worse one you can get. [Monica Geller] Phoebe that's crazy! [Joey Tribbiani] I can't believe she would say that too you. [Rachel Green] Yeah honey you don't believe her do you? [Phoebe Buffay] I don't-she said y'know that I'd have triplets! But she also said one of them would be black. [Chandler Bing] Just out of curiosity did she tell you how you're gonna go? [Phoebe Buffay] No, 'cause she didn't tell me I was gonna die until the very end of the session, and I was not gonna waste a whole another hour there! I mean I've only got a week left, y'know? I've really gotta start living now! , leans back, and starts reading.) [Ross Geller] Hey everyone! [Chandler Bing] Oh hi! [Ross Geller] Hey uh, well, today's my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind? [#ALL#] Oh that'd be great. Sure! [Ross Geller] "There are three primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. Each of these theories can be further subcategorized into two distinct..." [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, this is it. This what's gonna kill me. [Ross Geller] "...subcategories. The first of these subcategories is..." [Joey Tribbiani] Uh Ross! Are there uh, are there naked chicks on that piece of paper? [Ross Geller] No! Why? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I've just never seen a guy stare so hard at a piece of paper that didn't have naked chicks on it. [Ross Geller] Ohh! Okay! Okay. "There are three primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. Each of these theories can be further subcategorized into..." [Chandler Bing] Why don't you open with a joke? [Ross Geller] Open with a joke? It's a university, not a comedy club! [Chandler Bing] Wait a minute, hold the phone! You're not talking about Chuckles University?! [Ross Geller] Okay! [#ALL#] Ohh! We're kidding! Oh, we're kidding! [Rachel Green] Ross, hey you know what might make it less boring? [Ross Geller] Thank you! [Rachel Green] Some uh, some visual aides. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh-ooh-ooh! Y'know what's a good visual aide? [Ross Geller] Please don't say naked chicks. [Joey Tribbiani] Why not?! [Ross Geller] I-I-I don't even know why I bother to talk to you guys about it. Y'know what? I'm just gonna do it on my own with no naked chicks. [Chandler Bing] That's the way I did it 'til I was 19. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Any good mail? [Chandler Bing] Yes, you got something from the Screen Actor's Guild. [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh, it's probably a residual check, hey can you open it for me, I'm kinda.... [Chandler Bing] "Benefits lapsed." [Joey Tribbiani] Hmm that's weird. I don't remember being in a move called benefits lapsed. [Chandler Bing] Okay, it's not a check. They're saying your health insurance expired because, you didn't work enough last year. [Joey Tribbiani] Let me see that! [Chandler Bing] All right. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I can't believe this! This sucks! When I had insurance I could get hit by a bus or catch on fire, y'know? And it wouldn't matter. Now I gotta be careful?! [Chandler Bing] I'm sorry man, there's never a good time to stop catching on fire. [Joey Tribbiani] All right well, I guess I gotta go get a job. I'm gonna go see my agent. [Chandler Bing] Okay, make sure you look both ways before you cross the street. [Joey Tribbiani] ...look both ways before you cross the street. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey Pheebs, you're still alive! How are you doing? [Phoebe Buffay] Ugh, it's so exhausting waiting for death. Ohh, by the way, do you think you could- [Rachel Green] Pheebs, what-what are you doing? [Phoebe Buffay] I was preparing you for my-didn't you think I was dead? Did that not come off? [Rachel Green] Oh yeah, scared the hell out of me. I thought we'd lost you forever. Pheebs, you lie down? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, thanks. And listen, can you do me a favor? Could you just umm, wake me up in a couple hours, y'know if you can. [Rachel Green] Monica! [Monica Geller] Hmm? [Rachel Green] Did-did you take these back? [Monica Geller] No-no, I-I just, I liked them so much that I went out and bought some for myself. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah, they're really great! Aren't they? [Monica Geller] I loved them! [Rachel Green] Yeah. Nice try! [Ross Geller] Hello! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Monica Geller] How'd the lecture go? [Ross Geller] It went great! And I didn't need any jokes or naked chicks either! [Rachel Green] Wow, that's great Ross, I'm sorry we weren't more supportive before. [Ross Geller] I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself. Everyone's all, "Ross you have to be funny and sexy." Well, I proved them wrong! And now, I'm gonna pass the news onto Joey and Chandler. [Monica Geller] That you're not funny or sexy? [Ross Geller] That's right! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Estelle, listen... [Estelle Leonard] Well! Well! Well! Joey Tribbiani! So you came back huh? They think they can do better but they all come crawling back to Estelle! [Joey Tribbiani] What are you talkin' about? I never left you! You've always been my agent! [Estelle Leonard] Really?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! [Estelle Leonard] Oh well, no harm, no foul. [Joey Tribbiani] Estelle, you gotta get me some work. I-I lost my health insurance. [Estelle Leonard] All right, first thing we gotta do, damage control. [Joey Tribbiani] Why? [Estelle Leonard] Well, I think uhh, someone out there may have been bad mouthing you all over town. [Joey Tribbiani] Bastard! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! So Estelle lined up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow and I'll have my health insurance back in no time. [Chandler Bing] That's great, but shouldn't you be on the toilet right now? [Joey Tribbiani] What?! [Chandler Bing] What's wrong with you? [Joey Tribbiani] Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, haven't been able to stand up since. But um, I don't think it's anything serious. [Chandler Bing] This sounds like a hernia. You have to-you-you go to the doctor! [Joey Tribbiani] No way! 'Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything it's gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! [Chandler Bing] That's a hernia. [Joey Tribbiani] Why did I have to start working out again? Damn you 15s! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Well, we're a little early, the lecture doesn't end for 15 minutes. [Monica Geller] Yeah, but y'know we could sneak in and watch. [Rachel Green] Yeah, we could. Oh hey look! There's some Kappa Kappa Deltas! I was a Kappa. Hey sisters! Wow, we really are bitches. [Ross Geller] Right! So when Rigby got his samples back from the laboratory he made a startling discovery! What he believed to be igneous, was in fact sedimentary. Imagine his consternation when- Oh bloody hell. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] What the hell are you doing?! [Ross Geller] Look, I was nervous! You guys had me all worried I was going to be boring! I got up there and they were all like staring at me. I opened my mouth and this British accent just came out. [Rachel Green] Yeah, and not a very good one. [Ross Geller] Will you-will you please? [The Professor] Dr. Geller, Kurt Rathman, I'm a professor in the paleontology department here. [Ross Geller] Oh. [The Professor] Do you have a moment to talk about your lecture? [Ross Geller] I'm sorry, I've got plans with my sister. [Monica Geller] Monica Gellerrr. [Ross Geller] Right, will you excuse us for one moment? What are you doing? [Monica Geller] Oh, you can have an accent and I can't?! Top 'O the morning to ya laddies! [Ross Geller] Just please stop! [Rachel Green] Yes, yes, Bombay is bery, bery nice time of year. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey, will you grab me a cruller? Sit down! Will you go to the hospital?! [Joey Tribbiani] Dude! Hernia operations cost like, a lot probably. Besides it's getting darker and more painful, that means it's healing. [Chandler Bing] I will loan you the money. Just go to the hospital and let's just get that thing...pushed back in. [Joey Tribbiani] Thank you, but it would take me forever to pay you that money back and I don't want that hanging over my head. Okay? Besides, as soon as my insurance kicks in I can get all the free operations I want! Yeah, I'm thinking I'll probably start with that laser eye surgery too. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] What's going on? [Chandler Bing] Oh Joey's got a really bad hernia, but that's nothing a little laser eye surgery won't fix! [Joey Tribbiani] Look, I'm telling you if I put my hand on my stomach right here it doesn't hurt that bad. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! Maybe you'll die! [Joey Tribbiani] Sure, now I'm scared. [Phoebe Buffay] No, we can go together! Just don't wait too long though, okay? 'Cause I'm outta here sometime before Friday. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, but I don't wanna die! [Phoebe Buffay] No-no, it'll be fun! We can come back and we can haunt these guys! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Gimme 'em! [Rachel Green] No! They are mine! [Monica Geller] You stole them from me! [Rachel Green] You stole them from me!! [Monica Geller] Gimme them! [Monica Geller] You just wanna each take one? [Rachel Green] Yeah that seems fair. We never use them. [Ross Geller] Look, I really need some help, okay? Why? Why did I have to speak in a British accent?! What do I do? [Rachel Green] Well... [Monica Geller] Why don't you phase it out? Yeah, fade the accent out and people will think you're, y'know, that you're adjusting to life in America. [Rachel Green] Yeah, I mean, come on Ross, no one will even notice. I mean they're probably not even listening! [Ross Geller] They're not listening too me? [Rachel Green] Of course they're listening to you! Everybody listens to you. [Ross Geller] Monica you really think I should try this phasing out thing? [Monica Geller] I think you look fine. --------------------------------------- [Casting Director #1] Whenever you're ready. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. "Hey, Timmy, I've got a surprise for you." [Casting Director #1] Hold it. I'm sorry, the surprise is a new swing set, if you could play it a little less...intense? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah, sure, no problem, I'll just-hold on one second. "Hey Timmy, I've got a surprise for you!" [Casting Director #1] Oh my God!! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] So that's why I feed my dog Purina One! Pick up a bag today! [Casting Director #2] That's where you pick up the bag. [Joey Tribbiani] Exactly. [Casting Director #2] No, the line is pick a bag, so you need to pick up the bag. [Joey Tribbiani] Or, I could just point to it! Huh? Blah, blah, blah, Purina One, point to a bag today. I didn't get it, did I? [Casting Director #2] No. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, okay. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hi. I'm Joey Tribbiani; I'm here to audition for man. [Casting Director #3] You mean dying man? [Joey Tribbiani] Yes! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Okay, come on, do it one more time! [Rachel Green] Really? Really?! [Monica Geller] Yes! [Rachel Green] Okay! "Hello Ross, this is Dr. McNeeley from the Fake Accent University, we'd like you to come on board with us full time! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Listen to this! My reading was wrong, I'm not going die! [Rachel Green] Really?! How do you know? [Phoebe Buffay] Because my psychic is dead! She must've read the cards wrong! [Rachel Green] Oh, I'm sorry. [Phoebe Buffay] Eh, better her than me! Hey, let's bake cookies! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Listen, I'm really glad you got the part. [Joey Tribbiani] Thank you. [Chandler Bing] But are you sure you can do this? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! And hey, thanks for coming with me. And thanks again for helping me take a shower. [Chandler Bing] Now, is that never talking about it again?! [Joey Tribbiani] Hiya! [The Director] Hey Joey, we're ready for ya! Joey, this is Alex he's going to be playing your son. [Joey Tribbiani] Hi Alex! And uh, as you can see my hands are not in my pants. [The Director] Okay. All right uh, Alex now when Joey says his line, "Take good care of your Momma son," that's your cue to cry. Got it? All right, let's do this. [A Crew Member] Scene 5, take 1. [The Director] And Action! [Joey Tribbiani] "Take could care of your Momma son." "Take could care of your Momma son." "Come on son! Your Momma's good people!" [The Director] Cut! Alex, remember you're supposed to cry. Can you cry for us this time? [Alex] Okay. [The Director] All right, from the top. [A Crew Member] Scene 5, take 2. [A Crew Member] Take 36 is up! [The Director] All right! Let's try this again! You ready Joe? [Joey Tribbiani] Ah, just one thing umm, is it all right with you if I, if I scream right up until you say action? [The Director] Uh sure. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [The Director] Action! [Joey Tribbiani] "Take good care of your Momma son." [The Director] Cut!!!!!!!!!! [Chandler Bing] I'm sorry! Hey-hey Joe, why don't you uh, lift up your shirt? Take a look at this kiddo. We have a crying child! Roll the damn cameras! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hello? [Russell] Hello, is Ross there? [Rachel Green] Uh no, he's not. Can I take a message? [Russell] Yes, this Russell, Ross's divorce lawyer, just tell him that since I haven't heard from him, I assume he's decided to give the marriage a try. [Rachel Green] Ross got married again-Nooooooo!!!!!!!!! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] All right, keep going. We are phasing the accent out, phasing it out. So without out re-testing the results in the laboratory the team would never have identified the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis . Were there any questions at this point? Yes. [A Student] What's happening to your accent? [Ross Geller] Come again? What's-what's this nonsense? All right, I'm-I'm not English. I'm from Long Island. I was really nervous and the accent just uh, just came out. I'm sorry. So, if we could just get back to the lecture. Umm, were there any questions? About paleontology. All right, look I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because I'm-I'm hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression... [Rachel Green] Ross!! Are you crazy?! I am still your wife!! What, were you just never gonna tell me?!! What the hell is wrong with you?!!!! Ugh, I could just kill you!!!! [Ross Geller] Well, hello Rachel! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Have you really done this before? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You just take a big, big swing. Now, don't hold back. and Phoebe picks up a wooden baseball bat and starts to swing as Chandler and Monica enter.) [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey-hey! [Chandler Bing] What are you doing? [Phoebe Buffay] We're just celebrating that Joey got his health insurance back. [Chandler Bing] Oh, all right.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e04", "title": "The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Joey's Porsche [Rachel Green] I cannot believe that you didn't tell me that we are still married!! [Ross Geller] Look I was going to tell you! [Rachel Green] When?! After the birth of our first secret child?! Ross didn't get the annulment; we are still married. [Chandler Bing] What? [Monica Geller] You're kidding! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God!! [Monica Geller] Ross! [Ross Geller] Okay, maybe it wasn't my best decision. But I just couldn't face another failed marriage. [Chandler Bing] Okay, let me just jump in and ask, at what point did you think this was a successful marriage? [Ross Geller] Rach, come on, if you think about it, it's actually kinda funny. Okay, maybe it's best not to think about it. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, this is inexcusable. I am shocked to my very core! [Ross Geller] Phoebe, I told her you already knew. [Phoebe Buffay] Another lie. You have a sickness! [Chandler Bing] Ross, just for my own piece of mind, you're not married to anymore of us are ya? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Oh! Hey, somebody left their keys. Ooohh, to a Porsche! Hey Gunther, these yours? [Gunther] Yeah, that's what I drive. I make four bucks an hour, I saved up for 350 years! [Joey Tribbiani] Na-uh! Hey did anybody lose their keys? [Monica Geller] Joey, why don't you put them in the lost and found? [Joey Tribbiani] There's a lost and found? My shoe! [Chandler Bing] You left a shoe here?! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I didn't realize until I got home. I wasn't gonna walk all the way back down here with one shoe! Y'know what? I'm gonna go find that guy's car and leave a note on the windshield. [Chandler Bing] Oh good, when he comes back for his keys, I'll be sure to give him your shoe. [Joey Tribbiani] Great! Thanks. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, good, good, you guys are here! Listen, how would like to spend tomorrow taking care of three incredibly cute little puppies?! [Monica Geller] Oh my God, what a fun day! That sounds great! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, all right. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, well I'll bring them by tomorrow morning. Okay, and uh, by the way, they're not actually puppies, they're Frank and Alice's triplets. Okay, see ya! [Chandler Bing] Whoa-whoa-whoa! What? [Phoebe Buffay] Please! Please! Please! Please! Oh please! Please! Please! Frank and Alice asked me to baby sit the triplets and I'm nervous 'cause I've never done that before by myself! [Monica Geller] Don't worry about it Phoebe, we'll absolutely do it. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I'm gonna pass. 'Cause I was kinda iffy when it was puppies. [Monica Geller] Come on Chandler, come on! It'll give us great practice for when--people with babies come to visit. --------------------------------------- [Guy #1] Nice car! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, it's not mine. [Woman] I love your car. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, it's mine. [Woman] I bet it's fast. [Joey Tribbiani] Me too! Yeah. And comfortable. Do uh, do you like leather seats? [Woman] Yeah! [Joey Tribbiani] It's got 'em! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] So, I still have boxes here. I still have boxes at Ross's, and I have nowhere to live! Wow. I could so easily freak out right now. [Phoebe Buffay] What about me? I just found out that Denise is leaving town for a while, I don't have a roommate. [Rachel Green] Well, maybe-maybe I could be your roommate Pheebs. [Phoebe Buffay] Maybe you could be my roommate! [Rachel Green] Well there's an idea!! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! [Rachel Green] That would be great! Wait, how long is Denise gone for? [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, she said she'd be back December 26th. [Rachel Green] December 26th, huh maybe she's Santa Clause. [Rachel Green] Oh look who it is, my husband. The apple of my eye. [Ross Geller] Okay, I got us a court date for tomorrow at 2:00 and I picked up all the forms. I'll take care of everything. [Rachel Green] Well sure, if you say you're gonna take care of everything I have no reason to doubt you. Give me those forms! All right, now I'm gonna do this my way and I don't want to hear a peep out of you! [Ross Geller] Okay Rach, but... [Rachel Green] Op! You're peeping! [Rachel Green] Ross! Y'know what, I just got-why? Why did you do this?! [Ross Geller] Look I told you... [Rachel Green] I don't wanna hear "Three failed marriages!" [Ross Geller] Look, if you'd had two failed marriages, you'd understand! [Rachel Green] Well, y'know what? Thanks to you I'm half way there! Ugh! Oh! I am so mad! Ross, I don't think I have ever been this angry! [Ross Geller] What about the time I said we were on a break? [Rachel Green] Ugh! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Pheebs, how's it going? [Phoebe Buffay] I'm doing okay. I think it's going well. Do you think they're having fun? Am I talking to fast? [Monica Geller] Nope, sound like me. Pheebs, it's going great. Look at Chandler with little baby girl Chandler. [Chandler Bing] Little baby girl Chandler, where I have heard that before? Oh right, Coach Ruben. Do you know what Pheebs? When you're done over there, we kinda have a situation over here too. [Phoebe Buffay] Na-uh, no, we are all responsible for our own babies. [Chandler Bing] See that's where I think that you're wrong. We've been playing these babies man for man; we should really be playing a zone defense. [Monica Geller] What do you mean? [Chandler Bing] I just think that things would go a lot smoother if we each have our own zone. Phoebe, you can be in charge of wiping. And y'know Mon, you can be in charge of diapering and I can be in charge of looking how cute they are when they put their hands around... [Phoebe Buffay] That sounds really great, but maybe you should be in charge of wiping. [Chandler Bing] Okay, I'm a rookie. I should not be in the end zone. [Monica Geller] This is so great! This is exactly how we set the plates at the restaurant. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? Well this is not what I ordered. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey guys! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey babies! Oh, I'm having the best morning. That uh, that Porsche I've got the keys too, still there! [Chandler Bing] Shocking! Since you still have the keys. [Joey Tribbiani] You should see the treatment I get when I'm with that car! People are friendly; they-they wanna talk, and not just about the car! One guy gave me advice about my equity investments. [Chandler Bing] What equity investments? [Joey Tribbiani] The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, they're gonna start to think that I don't own it. So I figured I'll wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow? [Monica Geller] Oh yeah, I got soap and sponges and rags and Carnuba wax and polishing compound. [Chandler Bing] You don't even have a car! [Monica Geller] I know. But umm, one time there was this really dirty car in front of the building, so I washed it. [Chandler Bing] And? [Monica Geller] And six others. [Chandler Bing] There you are. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, she tops out at 130. [Guy #2] Wow! [Joey Tribbiani] And that's just in the city. I get her up to 160 when I take her upstate. [Guy #2] Really! You got a place upstate? [Joey Tribbiani] Sure! [Guy #2] Well, I'll see you later. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, take it easy. [The Porsche Owner] Hey! That's my car. [Joey Tribbiani] Really? Oh uh, oh just give me five more minutes with it. [The Porsche Owner] What-what are you doing? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh I-I uh, found the keys and now I'm just polishing her up. [The Porsche Owner] But it's my car! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, but it's my wax. [The Porsche Owner] Listen, I-I-I don't come to this city much so I don't know if you're crazy or this is some kind of street theater, but could I have my keys. [Joey Tribbiani] Sure. Here. I'll uh, save your parking spot. [The Porsche Owner] I'm not coming back. [Joey Tribbiani] Why not? [The Porsche Owner] I live upstate. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, so did I. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] I don't know why I was so nervous about this. And I don't know why Frank and Alice are always complaining. This is so easy. [Monica Geller] Yeah, two hours, a lifetime that's the same. [Chandler Bing] Check it out! Check it out! When the babies wake up, they can meet Krog! [Monica Geller] Chandler, what are you doing? That thing can put someone's eye out! [Chandler Bing] He can do more than that! He can destroy the universe! [Phoebe Buffay] No Chandler, they can swallow one of those little parts! And also, look at his smooth area, that's just gonna mess them up. [Chandler Bing] They're not gonna swallow anything, you guys are being way over protective. When I was a kid, my mom used to just throw me into a pile of broken glass! [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Chandler Bing] Glass, sand, whatever. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, look at little Leslie stretching in her sleep. [Monica Geller] Oh it's so cute. I wonder what age it is when you stop being able to put both legs over your head. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I can still do that. [Monica Geller] How are you still single?! [Chandler Bing] All right. I thought about it and maybe you're right. Maybe Krog is not a safe toy. [Monica Geller] Good. What made you change your mind? [Chandler Bing] I swallowed the sonic blaster gun. [Phoebe Buffay] How did that happen?!! [Chandler Bing] Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Y'know? And it turns out I was wrong. And now it's lodged in my throat. [Monica Geller] Damnit! Y'know this whole time we were concentrating on watching the babies and, and no one was watching Chandler! --------------------------------------- [Judge] Okay you two are asking the court for an annulment? [Rachel Green] Yes your honor, and here are, are forms, all filled out. [Judge] So based on your petition you are seeking an annulment on the grounds that Mr. Geller is mentally unstable. [Ross Geller] Fine, I'm mentally unstable. [Judge] And based on the fact that Mr. Geller is intravenous drug user. [Ross Geller] What?! [Rachel Green] Uh yes, heroin and crack. [Ross Geller] Crack isn't even an intravenous drug! [Rachel Green] Well, you would know. [Judge] Now it also says here that you lied about your sexual preference before marriage? [Ross Geller] Oh, come on! [Rachel Green] Ross, please, I found the magazines! [Judge] And finally that you were unable to consummate the marriage. Well, that makes sense since you're gay and addicted to heroin. [Ross Geller] Okay, I'm sorry, this is insane! I-I-I'm not addicted to heroin, I'm not gay, and there is no problem with my ability to consummate anything! Look, I'll consummate this marriage right here, right now! [Judge] That won't be necessary. [Ross Geller] And when we were dating we consummated like bunnies! [Rachel Green] Ugh! [Judge] Now if you were two involved in a serious relationship, that really creates a problem. [Rachel Green] Ross! Your honor, rest assured relationship ended like two years ago! And could you strike "Consummated like bunnies" from the record? [Judge] Is there, anything in this record that is actually true? [Rachel Green] Well, yes, we got married in Vegas and uh, and the names I think. [Judge] Well, based on what I heard, you two certainly don't qualify for an annulment. If you two don't want to be together you'll have to file for divorce. [Ross Geller] That's great! Are you happy now? Look what you did with your funny, funny form! [Rachel Green] What?! Me?! What about you and your consummated like bunnies nonsense! [Ross Geller] And what--What are you typing that for? Did you hear what she said? We don't get the annulment. Don't type that! What?! Stop typing! Hey! Stop typing! Stop typing! Stop typing!! [Rachel Green] Okay, do you see, do you see what you're keeping me married too?! [Judge] You need to get out of my chambers. [Rachel Green] All right look lady here is the deal, I came here for an annulment and I am not leaving here until I get one! [Ross Geller] Yeah! [Judge] Would you like to spend the night in jail? [Rachel Green] And thank you for your time. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] So the Porsche guy took his car back. [Chandler Bing] But you found the keys to his clothes? [Joey Tribbiani] No. No, I just uh, I just loved the way it feels when everybody thinks I own a Porsche. [Monica Geller] And people will think you own a Porsche because you're wearing the clothes? [Joey Tribbiani] Of course! Only an idiot would wear this stuff if you didn't have the car! Right? [Chandler Bing] That is true. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, but only a genius would swallow a sonic blaster gun. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I've been there. Yeah, I am gonna go drive my Porsche. [Monica Geller] Joey, you know you don't actually have one. [Joey Tribbiani] Come on! What are you doing?! I'm in character! Would you talk to her! [Chandler Bing] Ahh, I think it just moved. It's really poking me. [Monica Geller] All right, that's it, we're going to the emergency room. [Phoebe Buffay] What?! No, you can't, you can't leave me here with them! We're baby-sitting! [Monica Geller] The babies are asleep, I'm sure you'll be okay on your own for a while! [Phoebe Buffay] But you-you can't leave me with them! We-we're a team! We're playing a zone! They're gonna triple team me! [Monica Geller] He's got something plastic lodged in his throat, we've got to go to the hospital. [Phoebe Buffay] But no, because a doctor won't be able to help him, it's just gonna y'know naturally pass through his system in like seven years. [Chandler Bing] I think that's gum. [Phoebe Buffay] I'm pretty sure it's gun. [Chandler Bing] Okay, listen this really hurts. Let's go. [Phoebe Buffay] A real man wouldn't just run to the hospital! No! What would, what would Krog do? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Why isn't that valet back with my Porsche? [Passerby] Maybe because you've got the keys? [Joey Tribbiani] Porsche. [Rachel Green] This is totally your fault! [Ross Geller] My fault?! You threatened the judge! [Rachel Green] Well, you ripped the paper out of the court reporter's machine!! [Ross Geller] That was the only way I could get him to stop typing! [Joey Tribbiani] Hi! How are the Gellers? [Rachel Green] Don't call us that! [Ross Geller] The judge wouldn't let us get an annulment! Now we gotta get a divorce!! Did a Porsch throw up on you? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! It's Porsche!! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, I'm gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, I'll set you up with a clean one. Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? 'Cause let's face it, we're at Monica's. I broke it. All right. Well, that's just the way that goes. Okay, good. Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you can't answer. Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! Oh, you're a lot mischievous! Well, it'll dry. Okay, you sit with your brother and sister now-who aren't there! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] How do you feel? [Chandler Bing] Well, let's just say that Krog will be fully equipped to destroy the universe again in twelve to fourteen hours. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, so I totally took care of the babies all by myself! I fed 'em, bathed 'em, and put 'em to bed. [Chandler Bing] And protected them from a tornado? [Monica Geller] Oh my God. [Phoebe Buffay] I know, the babies are asleep. [Monica Geller] Phoebe, what, what happened here?! [Phoebe Buffay] I did it! I took care of the babies all by myself! [Monica Geller] But my apartment! [Chandler Bing] Was the setting of Phoebe's triumph. [Monica Geller] But the mess! [Chandler Bing] Is not as important as the fact that Phoebe took care of the babies all by herself. [Monica Geller] You're right, you're right I shouldn't freak out. 'Cause this is what will happen when you and I have babies! When will that be?! [Chandler Bing] Phoebe, would you take a look at this mess!!!! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh honey thank God you're home, I was getting worried. [Ross Geller] I picked up the divorce papers. Uh, I've already signed everything and I put little 'X's where you need to sign. [Rachel Green] Oh, little 'X's! Great! That makes up for everything! [Ross Geller] Y'know, I-I-you've done a lot of stupid stuff too! Okay? [Rachel Green] Oh, name one stupid thing that is as stupid as this one! [Ross Geller] Okay, how about you flew to London to stop my wedding! Ah, how about you told me you loved me after I was already married! [Rachel Green] Hey! Wait a minute! That was different! I did those things because I was in love with you! [Ross Geller] Yeah! Right! [Ross Geller] You're right. That's very different. So let's, let's just sign the papers. All right? What? [Rachel Green] Nothing. [Ross Geller] Okay, can we just sign please? [Rachel Green] Uh-hmm. [Ross Geller] Congratulations. [Rachel Green] Okay Ross, we're-wait a minute. Umm, I uh, I kinda have a little confession. [Ross Geller] What? [Rachel Green] Well, y'know this whole marriage thing, kinda my idea. [Ross Geller] Excuse me? [Rachel Green] Well, remember how we were too drunk to remember anything the night we were married? [Ross Geller] Yeah? [Rachel Green] And uh, yeah, I didn't really, I didn't want to say anything, but it kinda it just, it kinda kept coming back to me, and umm, remember we were in the casino and for some reason thought it would be funny to eat a lot of grapes. And uh, and I thought it would be funnier if we got married. So as a, as a compromise we decided first to get married, and then to eat a lot of grapes. So umm, sorry I got us into this mess. [Ross Geller] So then if-if-I mean if you think about it, this is all your fault. [Rachel Green] Yeah, don't push it though. [Ross Geller] I've got to say; I know I divorce a lot of women, never thought I would be divorcing you. [Rachel Green] I know. I always thought if you and I got married, it would be the one that stuck. And it wouldn't be a secret, and we wouldn't have our wedding dinner at Pizza Hut. [Ross Geller] Did I, did I even treat? [Rachel Green] No, it was on the house, it was, it was a newlywed special. [Ross Geller] That may be the most depressing thing I've heard in my life. I should probably get these to my lawyer's office. [Rachel Green] Hey, thanks Ross, for taking care of all of this. [Ross Geller] Eh, no problem. [Rachel Green] I'm gonna need a copy of those. [Ross Geller] Totally. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Hey! Be careful around my Porsche! [Woman] Hi Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! How you doin'? [Woman] He has the most amazing Porsche under there! [Joey Tribbiani] I'd love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. She's sleeping. Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink?

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e05", "title": "The One With Joey's Porsche"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One On The Last Night [Chandler Bing] Okay! Listen, I'm gonna be moving out so you will be in charge of paying the rent. [Joey Tribbiani] Right! And when is that due? [Chandler Bing] First of the month. [Joey Tribbiani] And that's every month? [Chandler Bing] No, just the months you actually want to live here. [Joey Tribbiani] Ahhh. [Chandler Bing] Okay, here is the phone bill. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God!! [Chandler Bing] That's our phone number. Now look, I know I kinda sprung this whole me moving out on thing, so why don't I just-why don't I just cover you for a while? [Joey Tribbiani] No-no! No way! Joey Tribbiani does not take charity...anymore. [Chandler Bing] It's not charity, Joe... [Joey Tribbiani] No! Forget it! Okay-I mean thanks, but I'm done taking money from you. All right, I can take of myself. Now, what's next? Come on. [Chandler Bing] Okay uh, here's the electric bill. [Joey Tribbiani] This is how much we pay for electric?!!! [Chandler Bing] Uh, yeah. [Chandler Bing] So, we'll do the rest of the bills later then? --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] So is Joey going to have to give up the apartment? [Chandler Bing] No, I hope not! I tried to offer him some money, but he wouldn't take it. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, how much do you think he needs? [Chandler Bing] I figure that $1,500 would cover him for a few months, y'know? But I have to trick him into taking it so I won't hurt his pride. [Phoebe Buffay] Why don't you hire him as an actor? You could have him dress up and put on little skits. Whatever you want. [Chandler Bing] Well that would help the pride thing. [Monica Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! Wow! You look great! Wanna move in with me tomorrow? [Monica Geller] Okay. [Chandler Bing] Okay! So, what do you girls have planned for tonight? [Monica Geller] Well, instead of being sad that tonight is my last night together with Rachel we thought we'd go out to dinner and celebrate the fact that Rachel is moving in with Phoebe. [Phoebe Buffay] And also, my birthday. [Monica Geller] It's not your birthday. [Phoebe Buffay] What a mean thing to say! I would never tell you it's not your birthday! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! So you guys have anything planned for the big last night? [Chandler Bing] Well, instead of just hanging out, we figure we'd do nothing. [Ross Geller] Whoa-whoa-whoa, Knicks season opener tonight. I thought maybe you guys would come over and watch it. [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know Ross, not if you're gonna talk about how you gave up a career in basketball to become a paleontologist. [Ross Geller] I did give up a career in basketball to become a paleontologist! [Rachel Green] Pheebs, I was wondering... [Monica Geller] You're not dressed yet?! We're supposed to start having fun in 15 minutes! [Rachel Green] Well and clearly not a minute sooner. [Monica Geller] Rachel, you are packed though right, I mean please tell me that you're packed. [Rachel Green] Of course I packed! Monica relax! I just wanted to ask Phoebe her opinion on what I should wear tonight. [Phoebe Buffay] My God, I can't get a minute of peace around this place. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! Monica's just gonna kill you. [Rachel Green] Yeah, yeah, I know. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, what you're wearing is fine for that. [Monica Geller] Rachel, I need to borrow-You're not packed!!!! You're not packed even a little bit! [Rachel Green] Surprise!! [Monica Geller] What? [Rachel Green] No, no don't get mad because look-this is what happened. So I-I started packing, then I realized, "What am I doing? I am lousy at packing!" Right? But you love packing! So, as a gift to you, on our last night, ta-da! [Monica Geller] I'll be coordinator! Oh my God! I'm so sorry, I didn't get you anything! Okay, look everybody has to help! Okay? You can help, can't you Phoebe? [Phoebe Buffay] I have plans. [Monica Geller] You're plans were with us. [Phoebe Buffay] That's right. [Monica Geller] All right, Chandler can make boxes, Ross can wrap, and Joey can lift things. Now Phoebe, go tell the guys they have to help out! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Monica Geller] Okay! Oh my God, thank you!! [Phoebe Buffay] Hurry! Monica's gonna make you pack! She's got jobs for everyone! Now, it's too late for me, but save your selves! [Monica Geller] Okay! The movers will be here in 11 hours. Rachel has not packed. Now, everybody has to help! Chandler, we're gonna start with... [Chandler Bing] Oh nope, I-I have plans with Joey. [Monica Geller] I thought you said you were going to do nothing. [Chandler Bing] Yes, but for the last time. [Monica Geller] Okay fine, now Ross... [Ross Geller] Oh, but-but I can't do it. [Monica Geller] Why not? [Joey Tribbiani] I've got Ben. [Ross Geller] Because, because I've got Ben. [Monica Geller] It's almost 8 o'clock, it's almost past his bedtime. Where-where is he? [Chandler Bing] He's at a dinner party. [Monica Geller] Is he really coming? Because I can see right into your apartment! [Ross Geller] Of course he is! What, do you think I'd just use my son as-as an excuse? What kind of father do you think I am? [Monica Geller] All right, sorry. [Ross Geller] I gotta go make a fake Ben. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Here it is! Our last pizzas together as roommates. [Chandler Bing] Oh, I wish I'd know you were going to do that, I ordered Chinese. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh that's okay. Hey, actually in a way it's kinda nice. Me, bringing the food of my ancestors, you, the food of yours! [Chandler Bing] Say, Joe, I had a strange idea of what we could do for our last night. What do you say we play a little uh, foosball for money? [Joey Tribbiani] What, are you crazy? You haven't beaten me once since my injury plagued '97 season. It would be easier if you just give me your money. [Chandler Bing] Yes it would. What do you say to $50? [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, you're on. [Chandler Bing] Okay, let's play! The big game, Italy vs. China, apparently. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ohhhhhh, look it's the roller blades. [Monica Geller] Oh God! [Rachel Green] You remember when we got these? [Monica Geller] No. [Rachel Green] I guess you weren't there. [Phoebe Buffay] You guys, we said we were gonna have fun! Come on, hey, remember the time... You don't remember? [Rachel Green] I'm sorry Pheebs, I guess I'm just really said that I'm leaving. [Monica Geller] I'm gonna miss you so much. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, this doesn't have to be so sad though. Y'know? Maybe instead of just thinking about how much you're gonna miss each other, you should like think of the things you're not gonna miss. [Monica Geller] I don't think there's anything. [Phoebe Buffay] Come on, there's gotta be something. [Monica Geller] Nope, she's perfect. [Rachel Green] I have one. [Phoebe Buffay] Good! Great! You can go first. [Rachel Green] Uh well, I guess I'm not gonna miss the fact that you're never allowed to move the phone pen. [Phoebe Buffay] Good that's a good one. Okay, Monica, anything? Y'know? Does Rachel move the phone pen? [Monica Geller] Aw, sometimes. Always, actually. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, good. There you go. Doesn't anyone feel better? [Monica Geller] Not just the phone pen. I never get my messages. [Rachel Green] You get your messages! [Monica Geller] Yeah, well I don't think it really counts if you have to read them off the back of your hand after you fall asleep on the couch. [Rachel Green] So-so, you missed a message from who? Chandler or your mom? Or Chandler? Or your mom? [Phoebe Buffay] Great! It worked! No one's sad. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Yes! I win again! Ha-ha! That's like 500 bucks you owe me! Whoo-ho-hoo! $500 that is a loooot of electricity! Whoo-ho-ho! I gotta buy some food. [Chandler Bing] Okay, give me a chance to win my money back. Okay? Sudden death, one goal, $1,000. [Joey Tribbiani] You serious? [Chandler Bing] Oh yes! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, get ready to owe me! [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, here we go. Ready? [Chandler Bing] No! No! No! No--one can beat me. [Chandler Bing] See? Now, that's why only the little fake men are supposed to do all the kicking. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hello? Oh, hi Ross! See? Other people call me! [Rachel Green] Ooh, your brother. Score! [Monica Geller] What's up? [Ross Geller] Oh, I'm just over here with Ben. I thought we'd say hi. [Monica Geller] Oh, put him on! [Ross Geller] Ben, say hi to Aunt Monica. Oh, I guess he doesn't feel like talking right now. He's smiling though! Okay, talk to you later. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I think it was better when you guys were sad. Hey, uh, remember the roller blades? [Rachel Green] You know what else I'm not gonna miss? "I'm Monica. I wash the toilet 17 times a day. Even if people are on it!" [Monica Geller] "Hi I'm Rachel, is my sweater too tight? No? Oh, I'd better wash it and shrink it!" [Rachel Green] "I'm Monica, I don't get phone messages from interesting people. Ever!" [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! I call her! [Monica Geller] "Oh my God, I love Ross! I hate Ross! I love Ross! I hate Ross!" [Rachel Green] "Oh my God, I can't find a boyfriend! So I guess I'll just stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find in there!" [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, we should get a move on if we wanna make those dinner reservations. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Still broken? [Joey Tribbiani] This sucks man! The last night you're here and I lose the two most important things in my life, the foosball table and $500. [Chandler Bing] Well, there are other ways of winning back your money, how about a little uh, a little Blackjack? [Joey Tribbiani] Nah, not my game. [Chandler Bing] Okay, uh, how about, how about-y'know what? We could play a new game. A new game, it's fun. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, what's it called? [Chandler Bing] Cups. [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know how to play Cups. [Chandler Bing] I'll teach ya! Come on, come on, it's really easy and really, really fun. [Joey Tribbiani] All right. [Chandler Bing] Okay, here you go. I have two queens, what do you have? [Joey Tribbiani] A two and a five. [Chandler Bing] Ho-ho, you win! 50 dollars! [Joey Tribbiani] Really?! [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah! Okay, let's play again. What do you got? [Joey Tribbiani] A four and a nine. [Chandler Bing] You're kidding right? [Joey Tribbiani] No. Why? [Chandler Bing] Well that's a full cup! [Joey Tribbiani] Damn! I am good at Cups! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I'm not talking to her! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, one of you has to take the first step! And it should be you, because she's the one who's leaving. It's harder for her! [Monica Geller] Well, maybe you're right-She made fun of my phone pen! [Phoebe Buffay] I know, I took it hard too. [Monica Geller] Listen Rachel, I feel really bad about-What are you doing? [Rachel Green] I'm unpacking! [Monica Geller] What?! [Rachel Green] I'm not moving! Is that picture straight? [Monica Geller] It needs to go about 20 blocks to the left! [Rachel Green] Hey, y'know what? You're the one who wants to make this big change and move in with Chandler! You should be the one to go! Why should I have to leave?! [Monica Geller] Because it's my apartment! [Rachel Green] Well it's mine too! What else you got?! [Monica Geller] How about, you're moving!! [Rachel Green] Look! This is ridiculous. We should be packing you!! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, how are you guys doing? [Rachel Green] Great! Monica's moving! [Monica Geller] I am not! [Rachel Green] Oh really?! Then how come all your stuff is in this box?! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, you guys. You guys I think I know what's going on here. Okay, you guys... STOP!! I know that, I know that you're acting mad because you think that it'll make it easier to leave. But deep down you're still really sad. Deep-deep down. [Monica Geller] No Phoebe I am mad! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, deep-deep-deep down! [Rachel Green] Yeah, I'm just mad! [Phoebe Buffay] Then keep running. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] You win. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, what did you have? [Chandler Bing] It doesn't matter because nothing beats a three and a six. That my friend is D-Cup. Okay, now much have you won so far? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, wow, 700. [Chandler Bing] Not 700 exactly? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] Double it! [Joey Tribbiani] What? [Chandler Bing] Well you see in Cups, once you get $700, you have to double it. [Joey Tribbiani] Really? [Chandler Bing] Hey, I didn't make up the rules. Now, after you receive the doubling bonus, you get uh, one card. Now that one card could be worth $100 bringing your total to 1,500. Don't get to excited because that's not gonna happen unless you get-No way! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Well, this is the last box of your clothes. I'm just gonna label it, "What were you thinking?" [Rachel Green] Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey you guys, I don't mean to make things worse, but umm, I don't want to live with Rachel anymore. [Monica Geller] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] You're just so mean to each other! And I don't want to end up like that with Rachel. I still like you! [Rachel Green] Well, Phoebe that's fine because I'm not moving. [Monica Geller] Whoa-whoa-whoa, Phoebe you gotta take her! Y'know I-I-I said some really bad stuff about her, but y'know Rachel has some good qualities that make her a good roommate. [Rachel Green] Oh really? Like what Monica? [Monica Geller] Y'know she has 147,000 pairs of boots... [Rachel Green] Oh yeah, good start Mon. [Monica Geller] She lets you borrow them. [Rachel Green] Yeah and you stretch 'em out with your big old clown feet. [Monica Geller] Do you wanna live outside?! Because it's gettin' cold! She gets tons of catalogs and umm, she'll fold down the pages of the things she thinks that I'd like. [Phoebe Buffay] What else? [Monica Geller] When I take a shower, she leaves me little notes on the mirror. [Rachel Green] Yeah, I do. I-I do, do that. [Phoebe Buffay] That's nice. I like having things to read in the bathroom. [Monica Geller] When I fall asleep on the couch after reading, she covers me over with a blanket. [Rachel Green] Well y'know, I don't want you to be cold. [Monica Geller] And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! [Rachel Green] Oh, it's gonna be fine. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay Rachel, I can't wait to live with you! And you know what we should do? Bring Monica and then we could all live there together! We'll have so much fun!! [Rachel Green] But honey, I think she's moving in with Chandler. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh that's right. You're still set on that? [Monica Geller] Kinda. Oh my God! [Ross Geller] Hello? Hey Mon, how's the packing going? Ben? He's fine. Yeah, he's right-Oh my God! Get your head of your shirt there son! What? Yeah, it's a pumpkin. I'll come pack. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Chandler Bing] What's wrong? [Joey Tribbiani] Ross and I were helping the girls pack, took a little break, I lost $1,500 to him in Cups! [Chandler Bing] Wh-How did you lose at Cups?! [Joey Tribbiani] The same way you lost. I started out with a King and a Queen, bamn! Ross gets a 2 and a 3. Then I get a Jack and a King, boom! Ross gets a 4 and a 5! Ross was getting the Cup card, the D-Cup, the Sittin' Down Bonus! Meanwhile, I didn't even get half a cup! Nothin'!! [Chandler Bing] Oh man!! [Joey Tribbiani] And he never played before either! Y'know what I think? I think beginner's luck, very important in Cups. [Chandler Bing] All right, let's play one more hand! One more! [Joey Tribbiani] No, no, no more! I cannot lose another dime! I'm serious this time! In-in fact, look, there's a-I wanna give you something. And let me give it too you know before I pawn it for Cups money. Now, I want you to have the big white dog as a kinda of a, y'know, thank you for being such a great roommate. [Chandler Bing] I can't take the big white dog! You love it! [Joey Tribbiani] It's him, not it! [Chandler Bing] No, but wait-what if I bought it from you, y'know? And your nice gesture would be giving it to me at a reasonable price, say $1,500? [Joey Tribbiani] Wait a second, I see what you're trying to do here! You-you're trying to give me money again! [Chandler Bing] When did I try to give you money? [Joey Tribbiani] Over there! Before, with the bills! You tried to give some charity, I said "No," you dropped it. Okay? Then we had a nice last night together, we had some fun, we gambled, nobody tried to give anybody any money! Now out of the blue, you start with the charity thing again! [Chandler Bing] I'm just trying to help you out! Okay? I wanna make sure that you're okay. [Joey Tribbiani] I will be okay! Look Chandler, you gotta get it out of your head that I can't take care of myself. Okay? Look, I'm not gonna miss you helping me out with money. The only thing that I'm gonna miss...is you. And now the dog. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey. Call me when you get there. Okay? [Rachel Green] Okay. [Monica Geller] I'm really gonna miss you. [Rachel Green] Oh! I have your key. Here you go. [Monica Geller] Thanks. [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Oh God! This is silly, I'm gonna see you in a couple of hours! [Monica Geller] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Bye house! [Rachel Green] Bye Mon. [Monica Geller] Bye. [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Monica Geller] She really left. [Chandler Bing] I know. [Monica Geller] Thank you. [Chandler Bing] No problem roomie. [Monica Geller] Can I ask you a question? [Chandler Bing] Sure! [Monica Geller] What the hell is that dog doing here?! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] I invented the game of Cups as a way to give Joey money. [Ross Geller] And now you want that money back. [Chandler Bing] Exactly. [Ross Geller] Chandler, what kind of an idiot do you take me for? [Chandler Bing] It's not a real game! I made it up! [Ross Geller] I'm sorry you lost your money, but I won it fair and square. [Chandler Bing] At a fake game!! [Ross Geller] Now, if you wanna try to make some of it back, I'd be glad to play you for it. But I should warn you, I am very good at Cups. [Chandler Bing] Okay! Now I assume the Saucer card came up when you played last. [Ross Geller] No. [Chandler Bing] Hmm, let's see if it comes up this time.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e06", "title": "The One On The Last Night"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Phoebe Runs [Phoebe Buffay] Ready? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Rachel Green] Hi... [Phoebe Buffay] it's... [Rachel Green] Rachel... [Phoebe Buffay] and... [Rachel Green] Phoebe's... [Phoebe Buffay] please... [Rachel Green] leave... [Phoebe Buffay] leave... [Rachel Green] Wait, I-I just said "leave." [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I know because you have all the good words. What do I get? I get "it's," "and" oh I'm sorry, I have "A." Forget it. [Rachel Green] Phoebe, come on that's silly. [Phoebe Buffay] All right, so let's switch. [Rachel Green] No, I have all of the good words. OK, fine, fine, we can switch. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Hi... [Rachel Green] Everybody... [Phoebe Buffay] It's... [Rachel Green] Rachel... [Phoebe Buffay] and... [Rachel Green] Phoebe's... [Phoebe Buffay] Please...wait, how did you do that? [Rachel Green] What? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, you're no ordinary roommate are you? [Rachel Green] Phoebe, come on can we finish this later? Cause I wanna go running before it gets dark. Oh! Why don't you come with me?! [Phoebe Buffay] Really? [Rachel Green] Yeah, it'll be fun. We'll run in the park. It'll be like our first y'know roommate bonding thing. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, let's go running! [Rachel Green] Yeah and there's really cute guys there. [Phoebe Buffay] Let's run towards them! [Rachel Green] OK! [Phoebe Buffay] All right, wait just one more second. Hi, it's Phoebe and Rachel's. Please leave a message, thanks! [Rachel Green] Now wait a minute. You just took all the words! [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh. You've met your match Rachel Green. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] So, I just finished this fascinating book. By the year 2030, there'll be computers that can carry out the same amount of functions as an actual human brain. So theoretically you could download your thoughts and memories into this computer and-and-and live forever as a machine. [Chandler Bing] And I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open. [Monica Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Monica Geller] Honey, that's a great idea nailing the boxes to the floor! [Chandler Bing] I didn't nail the boxes to the floor. [Monica Geller] Oh, So you can move them! [Chandler Bing] Yes, and while I'm doing that, Ross has a great computer story for you. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey everybody! Uh, I'd like you to meet Janine. She's-she's gonna be my new roommate! [Janine Lecroix] Hi. [Ross Geller] Hi! [Janine Lecroix] Hi [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, she's gonna live with me! [Monica Geller] It's nice to meet you. Janine...? [Janine Lecroix] Lecroix. Janine Lecroix [Joey Tribbiani] I didn't know that! Well, what a pretty last name! [Chandler Bing] So, uh, wh-where ya from? [Janine Lecroix] Australia, I just moved here a couple of weeks ago. [Joey Tribbiani] From the land down under? I didn't know that either! [Ross Geller] So uh, wha-uh, what do you do? [Janine Lecroix] I'm a dancer. [Joey Tribbiani] You're a dancer? She-she's a dancer! [Janine Lecroix] Well, I think I'll go and unpack. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, hey let me. [Monica Geller] Joey, did you even interview this woman before you asked her to move in? [Joey Tribbiani] Of course I did. [Monica Geller] Uh-huh, what exactly did you ask her? [Joey Tribbiani] "When can you move in?" [Ross Geller] Thank you for bringing her into our lives. [Chandler Bing] Unbelievable [Monica Geller] Oh, so you like her too Chandler? [Chandler Bing] Hey, look at all the boxes! [Joey Tribbiani] Ugh, I cannot wait to ask her out! [Monica Geller] Wait a minute...Joey. Joey you can't ask her out, she's your roommate. It-it'll be way too complicated. [Ross Geller] Yeah, yeah man don't do it. I mean if you date her, then-then-then I can't date her. [Chandler Bing] All right, think about it. Now remember when you were going out with that girl Donna and you guys broke up. Remember how horrible it was when you guys bumped into each other at the supermarket? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh God, yeah. [Chandler Bing] Now imagine you live at the supermarket. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay! [Chandler Bing] No-no [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, Oh, you're right! I don't want that. I can't date her! [Monica Geller] Yeah and you better watch the flirting too, cause you know, in such close quarters, it could be trouble. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, that's gonna be tough Mon. I mean it's hard for me to be around an attractive woman and not flirt. [Monica Geller] Hmm, well you're around me all the time and you don't flirt. [Joey Tribbiani] You a little sad about that sweetheart? --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] I have to tie my shoe, so you go ahead, I'll catch up. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Come on! That's not running! Let's go! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] You guys, I'm telling you, when she runs, she looks like a cross between Kermit The Frog and The Six Million Dollar Man. [Ross Geller] Monica had such a crush on him. Yeah, she used to kiss his poster every night before she went to bed. [Rachel Green] Oh! I used to do that too! [Monica Geller] Did you also have his album, It's Not Easy Being Green? [Rachel Green] Aw, Mon... [Monica Geller] So, Phoebe runs weird huh? [Rachel Green] Yeah, yeah and you know what, I know she's gonna wanna run again, I just don't know how to get out of it, I mean, I live with her. [Monica Geller] Why don't you just be straight with her? Tell her the truth. [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Rachel Green] You're right, you're right. I should just tell her the truth. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Pheebs, Monica tripped me, I don't think I can ever run again, ever! [Phoebe Buffay] Why? Why would you do that? [Monica Geller] I don't know. Rachel I'm-I'm sorry that I hurt your ankles. [Rachel Green] Ankle. [Monica Geller] We'll see. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] OK, I'm officially unpacked. Thanks for helping me man. Joe? Well, I guess Joey went home. Oh and look, there's still one box that I have to unpack. [Joey Tribbiani] I Gotcha!! [Chandler Bing] Oh my God! You-almost-gave-me-a-heart-attack. [Joey Tribbiani] Boy, it was so hard not to laugh, I tell ya. Hey, hey, the place looks great! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, not bad right? You know what, Monica's gonna be working late, so I'm gonna make this place spotless. You know what else I'm gonna do, know what else I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go downstairs, I'm gonna get her some flowers. Now who wouldn't wanna live with me? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't! No, I wanna live with the super-hot Australian dancer. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, now how's that going though? Are you okay with the not-flirting thing? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. Well, so far yeah. But it's tough you know? I got all this built up flirting energy and I don't know how to get rid of it. How you doin? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Ohhhh man [Janine Lecroix] Sorry, there's just more room out here. [Joey Tribbiani] No-no-no-no-no, it's-it's uh, you just uh, uh reminded me that uh, I need to do my stretches too. [Janine Lecroix] Why don't you try to do- [Janine Lecroix] What's wrong? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh-uh nothing. I-I-I-I didn't want you to touch me cause I'm -I'm all sweaty from the workout. I better hit the shower. Oh my God! [Janine Lecroix] Oh, sorry about that stuff hanging in there. It's just my thongs are too delicate for the dryer. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hi! Oh yeah, uh-huh, it's me. I saw you grab your running shoes this morning and sneak out. You lied so you could run by yourself. [Rachel Green] No, no Phoebe no, I was...no. You know what, I was, I was actually just checking to, see, if I could run. And I can! [Phoebe Buffay] Please Rachel, I am not an idiot. [Rachel Green] No, wait Phoebe. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Wow, couples who live together do start to look alike. So, Mondler...uh, what uh, what 'cha doin? [Chandler Bing] What does it look like I'm doing? I am cleaning! [Ross Geller] Did you get Monica's authorization to move all of her stuff? [Chandler Bing] Authorization? I don't need that. I'm gonna put everything back. [Ross Geller] Put it back exactly where you found it? [Chandler Bing] Yes I'm gonna put it back exactly where I found it. [Ross Geller] 'Kay, first of all, this attitude is not helping. [Chandler Bing] She's not gonna care if I put her stuff back in the same stupid place. [Ross Geller] Whoa, hello, did you just meet Monica? [Chandler Bing] She is gonna recognize that I did a nice thing and-and, appreciate it. [Ross Geller] Hmm -you know, actually this'll work out well. Cause when you have to move back in with Joey, Joey's hot new roommate can come and live with me. [Chandler Bing] I see, I see, y-y-you're trying to freak me out. [Ross Geller] Look Chandler, Monica is really weird about this kind stuff all right. Believe me, I lived with her for 16 years. She is going to freak...out. Oh my God, she's going to sit on you. [Chandler Bing] No, she's not okay? And I'll prove it to you. I'm gonna call her right now. Phone's done ehh. [Monica Geller] Hi! [Chandler Bing] Hey Mon, how's it going? [Monica Geller] Terrible. If-if I want something done right, I have to do it myself. Other people just wreck stuff. I really think I might kill someone tonight. [Chandler Bing] Oh come on, come on, it can't be that bad. [Monica Geller] It's worse. The only thing that's getting me through is knowing that I'm gonna be seeing you soon. I think I may even try to get out of here early. [Chandler Bing] No! No-no-no-no-no-no. It sounds like they really need you down there. [Monica Geller] Well, are you just hanging out with Ross? [Chandler Bing] It's, all good! Okay bye-bye Mon! She's-she's gonna kill me. [Ross Geller] Yeah, the phone was facing the other way. And that goes back up there. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] We should start with the big stuff. Y'know? That'll be the easiest. Uh, let's start with the couch. I got it. [Ross Geller] Yeah that-that, doesn't look right. [Chandler Bing] What are you talking about? The couch is perfectly in line with the carpet. And then I can just walk over here and casually just put my feet right up on the... OK, OK, here's what we do, we just uh, move the couch closer to the coffee table. [Ross Geller] Whoa, whoa, but then the back of the couch won't line up with he back of the carpet. [Chandler Bing] OK well here, we'll just move the coffee table closer to the couch. [Ross Geller] Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, but then the coffee table won't be centered in the seating area. [Chandler Bing] Yes, but the coffee table doesn't match the...blahebdmsdlkhdyslkd;btyds...Rooosss!!!! [Joey Tribbiani] Look, what am I gonna do? I'm not flirting but still, I'm drawing her to me like - like a moth to a flame! What the hell's going on over here?!?!? Monica's gonna kill you! Look I need your help, I have to do something to-to repel this woman! Wait a minute, wait a minute, you guys repel women all the time. [Ross Geller] Hey, I've been married 3 times [Joey Tribbiani] No-no-no I've seen it happen, you-you get a rapport going with a woman but somehow you manage to kill it. What's your secret? [Ross Geller] Look, we do not repel women OK? That is completely untrue. [Chandler Bing] Oh no, yes we do my man. Remember when we were back in college and we went to that spring dance and you walked right up to that girl you liked and you could not stop talking about the Irish potato famine? [Ross Geller] Yeah, well what about you? You weren't you know, so hot in college either. After everything he said, he'd go "ba dum bum chessh" [Chandler Bing] Yeah, Monica doesn't like that either, Maybe I should stop doing that. [Ross Geller] Oh y'know what, girls don't like it when I start talking about science. [Chandler Bing] That's not specific to girls. [Joey Tribbiani] This is great, this is great, what else, what else? [Ross Geller] Uh, they don't like it when you correct their grammar. [Chandler Bing] And they don't like it when you explain why your jokes are funny. [Ross Geller] They don't like it when you keep asking them if they like you. [Chandler Bing] Man, I'm so lucky I have Monica. [Ross Geller] I'm never gonna find love again. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second? [Phoebe Buffay] Sure [Rachel Green] Okay, um, I... All right Phoebe look, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. OK? I handled the situation horribly and I should not have lied to you. [Phoebe Buffay] So, what should you have done? [Rachel Green] Well, I-I should've told you the truth. [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-Huh, Which is...? [Rachel Green] Well, y'know, the reason I didn't wanna go running with you is because um, well y'know the way that you run is a little... [Phoebe Buffay] So? [Rachel Green] Well, it's embarrassing. People were looking at us like we were crazy. [Phoebe Buffay] Why do you care? [Rachel Green] Because they're people. [Phoebe Buffay] But people that you don't know and will never see again. [Rachel Green] Yes, but still. They're people...with eyes. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I didn't get embarrassed running next to Miss . But no, okay. No, no, I can see why running with me would be embarrassing to you. Yeah, okay. You're uptight. [Rachel Green] I-I am not uptight-Hey-hey-hey-oh-oh! Listen, I am not uptight, man. [Phoebe Buffay] That's okay Rachel. I'm not judging you; that's just who you are. Me. I'm more free y'know? I run like I did when I was a kid, cause that's the only way it's fun. Y'know, I mean didn't you ever run so fast you thought your legs were gonna fall off? Y'know, like when you were like running towards the swings or running away from Satan? The neighbor's dog. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Okay, is this lamp in the same place? [Ross Geller] Who cares? I repel women. [Chandler Bing] No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no!!! You can't come in here! R-r-r-r-Ross is naked. [Monica Geller] What?! [Ross Geller] What?! [Chandler Bing] I couldn't say that I was naked because she's allowed too see me naked. [Ross Geller] Why does anyone have to be naked? [Monica Geller] Why is Ross naked? [Ross Geller] I-I had to show Chandler something? [Monica Geller] Naked? [Ross Geller] Yeah-yeah I uh, I have a uh, a guy problem. [Monica Geller] Is it the same thing that Chandler had? [Chandler Bing] Look, uh, just come later, we'll get everything squared away and you can come back later. [Monica Geller] Okay, listen, there's still some of Chandler's medicine under the sink in the bathroom. Bye! [Chandler Bing] Bye! Thank God [Ross Geller] Dude, what'd you have? [Chandler Bing] Look, we have no time okay? We must focus. We gotta get everything back into its original place. [Ross Geller] The photo album! There were millions of pictures of the apartment in the photo album. We just go through it and match everything to the pictures. [Chandler Bing] That's perfect! That's brilliant! [Ross Geller] So really, what'd ya have? --------------------------------------- [Janine Lecroix] Hey Joey, I got some beer for you. [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, don't you mean "for whom?" [Janine Lecroix] Sure, listen I was gonna order some pizza, you wanna share one? [Joey Tribbiani] Pizza, heh, its not like I never had that before...ba dum bum cheshhh. [Janine Lecroix] Is there something wrong? [Joey Tribbiani] All right, All right, let's just get this out in the open okay? You're hot. I'm lovable. Clearly there's a vibe going on between us. But, we're roommates and it's a huge mistake for us to continue down this road. [Janine Lecroix] Joey... [Joey Tribbiani] No, no, no, I'm telling ya. Imagine yourself living in a supermarket and you will understand okay? So the question is, what do we do? [Janine Lecroix] Well, I don't think there is anything to do. I mean I think you're really sweet, but I'm just not interested in you like that. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh! [Janine Lecroix] No! I mean you're a really nice guy and I'm happy to be your roommate and your friend, I'm just y'know, I just don't feel that way about you. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh! I see what happened. It's because I was trying to repel you. Right? Believe me, you'd feel a lot different if I turned it on. [Janine Lecroix] I don't think so. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I do. How you doin? [Janine Lecroix] I'm OK [Joey Tribbiani] What?!?! [Janine Lecroix] What? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh dear God! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Rachel Green] Oh honey, I'm so sorry, you were right, this feels great! [Phoebe Buffay] See? And you don't care if people are staring, it's just for a second cause then you're gone! [Rachel Green] Gone! I mean its amazing Pheebs. I feel so free and so graceful. Hey! Look out for the horse! Sorry! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Is it okay for me to come in now? [Chandler Bing] Uh-huh [Monica Geller] Why is everything different? [Ross Geller] Bye! [Chandler Bing] No, I don't see anything different other than the fact that the room got so much brighter when you came into it. [Monica Geller] Well, the end table is wrong, The couch looks bizarre and don't even get me started on the refrigerator magnets. [Chandler Bing] Okay look, don't...don't be mad okay? But after I unpacked the boxes I wanted to do something nice for you, so, I-I-I cleaned the apartment. So I moved everything around and then I forgot where it, where it went back and I'm sorry, I'm very sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. [Monica Geller] It's okay. Chandler, are you afraid of me or something? [Chandler Bing] Do you want me to be afraid of you? [Monica Geller] Of course not. I mean gosh, Chandler what you did, it's, it's a wonderful thing and I really appreciate it. I know I have this weird thing where I want everything to be in the perfect place, but I'd never expect you to worry about that. [Chandler Bing] Really? [Monica Geller] Of course! [Chandler Bing] Oh well you're the best. You come here to me. [Monica Geller] All right, hold on okay? First thing's first. Okay, now did Ross sit anywhere while he was naked? --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] So it said that by the year 2030, there'll be computers that can carry out the same number of functions as an actual human brain. So theoretically we could download our thoughts and our memories into this computer... [Janine Lecroix] ...and live forever as a machine! [Ross Geller] That's so Janine, you-you-you know what, do you know we're doing right now? You and I, we're interfacing. [Janine Lecroix] Yeah, I gotta go. [Chandler Bing] Ba dum bumb cheshhh!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e07", "title": "The One Where Phoebe Runs"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Ross's Teeth [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Chandler Bing] Hi, my name's Chandler. I just moved in next door and I was wondering if you would be interested in battling me in a post-apoplectic world for control of the galaxies last remaining energy source? [Joey Tribbiani] Sure, neighbor come on in. [Chandler Bing] So, is Janine around? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, no, she's at dance class. [Chandler Bing] Can I check out what she did to my room? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, but, hey look, don't go through her stuff. She gets really mad. [Chandler Bing] Oh my God. What is th... it's like a guy never lived in here. Look, you've got to be careful. This girl thing is dangerous. It's spreading already. [Joey Tribbiani] It is??? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, is this your pretty pink pillow on the couch? [Joey Tribbiani] No. [Chandler Bing] Is that your tiny little box, that's too small to put anything in? [Joey Tribbiani] No. [Chandler Bing] No! Ok, this is not good. You are a guy. Ok? This is a guys place. If you let this go, you're going to be sitting around with your fingers soaking in stuff. [Joey Tribbiani] All right, you're right. I'll talk to her. [Chandler Bing] Yes talk to her. Be a man. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm a man. [Chandler Bing] Defend yourself. [Joey Tribbiani] Hmm. [Monica Geller] Chandler come on. We have to hem the new dust ruffle. [Chandler Bing] Be right there sweetums. A totally different situation. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey guys. [Chandler Bing] Hey, how was your breakfast with Hillary? [Monica Geller] It was okay. She's still kind of depressed because she broke up with her boyfriend. [Chandler Bing] Ohh, yeah. [Ross Geller] Well, is this Hillary your HOT assistant chef Hillary? [Monica Geller] Yeah. [Ross Geller] The one that always stares at me when I come in? [Monica Geller] No, the one who looked at you once because you got in her way. [Ross Geller] Still I could tell. She was into me. Well, why don't you set us up? [Rachel Green] Ohh, are you setting Ross up with someone? Does she have a wedding dress? [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. [Rachel Green] Hey. [Phoebe Buffay] Rachel? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] I'm, uhh, making up flyers trying to get new massage clients. So, can I come to Bloomingdale's and use the copy machine. [Rachel Green] Well, sure, but they might think it's kinda weird considering I don't work there anymore. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God. What happened? [Rachel Green] I-I, got a job at Ralph Lauren. [Phoebe Buffay] Well that's great! Congratulations!! [Rachel Green] Yeah. A year ago.. [Phoebe Buffay] You've lasted a whole year. Good for you. [Rachel Green] But, Pheebs, you can still use the copy machine where I actually work. But, just come by at lunch so my boss doesn't see you. Cause Kim will just freak out and she already doesn't like me very much. [Chandler Bing] That's weird. I don't think my boss likes me either. [Monica Geller] I don't think mine likes me either. [Ross Geller] Maybe it's a universal thing? [Joey Tribbiani] Or maybe, it's because you're hanging around here at 11:30 on a Wednesday. [Chandler Bing] Yeah let's head off to work. [Monica Geller] We should go. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Thank you. [Rachel Green] Sure. [Phoebe Buffay] Now you will not believe this. But, I was in the copy room, making copies, and Ralph Lauren came in. [Rachel Green] Oh my God. Did you talk to him? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah a little. He seems really nice. Good kisser. [Rachel Green] What? What!?! You kissed him? [Phoebe Buffay] Totally. [Rachel Green] Phoebe are you serious? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. I was just in there. He introduced himself and the next thing I know, we're making out. You know. [Rachel Green] Phoebe, I mean, you do know he's married? [Phoebe Buffay] No! [Rachel Green] Phoebe... [Phoebe Buffay] What am I supposed to do? Ask every guy I make out with if he's married? No, yeah, I should. --------------------------------------- [Janine Lecroix] Hey Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. Uh, can I talk to you for a second? This, uh, kid in this picture. Do you, uh, know this kid? Is that like a relative or something? [Janine Lecroix] No, I just thought it was cute. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, that's what I was afraid of.. Okay, uhh...Look Janine I really want you to feel at home here, but some of this new stuff. It's...too girly. [Janine Lecroix] Ohh. Like what? [Joey Tribbiani] Like this. Pictures of cute babies we don't know. We..we can't have that. [Janine Lecroix] Joey, it's Anne Geddes. She's a famous artist. [Joey Tribbiani] Look I don't know this baby. I don't know if she's a famous artist or not. You know, and I don't want to be a jerk but you're changing too much around here. [Janine Lecroix] Well, I'm sorry. I just thought I'd try to make the place a little nicer. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah but it's too much stuff. You know like, you got the candles and the foofy schmoofer thing here and over here you got a picture of a watering can. [Janine Lecroix] Well I just thought... [Joey Tribbiani] I'm sure it's a famous watering can, okay. But, come on...and what is with the really hot stick in the bathroom? [Janine Lecroix] It's a curling iron. [Joey Tribbiani] Ohh, well, that's ok then. But, okay my towels for instance. I come in to the bathroom here and my towel is not on the floor where keep it. It's up here on some hook..and...smells different. [Janine Lecroix] It's clean. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, well, it feels different. [Janine Lecroix] It's dry. [Joey Tribbiani] Alright, I can make my peace with the clean dry towels...Also what is with these chips you bought? [Janine Lecroix] No no no no, it's potpourri. You're supposed to smell it. [Joey Tribbiani] Well that's like summer in a bowl. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh, Kim, Hi. [Kim] Uhh-huh. [Rachel Green] So you know, I...I handed in that marketing report and I never got to hear what you thought. [Kim] I didn't read it. [Rachel Green] Ahh....So...Wow...The spring line, it's really going to be great this year, huh? [Kim] Yeah. [Rachel Green] So I hear the Ralph Lauren fooled around with someone in the copy room. [Kim] Tell me everything. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey guys. [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Ross Geller] What's up? [Chandler Bing] You know...Oh My God. [Monica Geller] What happened to your teeth. [Ross Geller] I whitened them. [Chandler Bing] Really. [Ross Geller] Yeah. What do you think. [Monica Geller] Well, I think I shouldn't look directly at them. [Ross Geller] Come on, seriously. [Monica Geller] Ross they're really, really, really white. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, what was wrong with your old...human teeth. [Ross Geller] Ahh, I-I did leave the gel on a little longer then it said to. [Monica Geller] How much longer? [Ross Geller] A-A day. [Monica Geller] Ross you know that tonight is your date with Hillary? [Ross Geller] I know. That's why I did it. Come on, are they really that bad? [Chandler Bing] No, no no no. You'll be fine. Hillary's bind, right? [Monica Geller] She will be after tonight. [Chandler Bing] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Oh, hey, hey Rach, do you notice anything..ahh... [Rachel Green] Yeah. Your teeth? Yes, I saw them from outside. You guys are never going to believe this. But, Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren. [Chandler Bing] What??? [Monica Geller] Oh my god. [Rachel Green] Yeah I know. She ran into him at my office and they just...made out. And the craziest thing is, now my boss likes me because I told her about it and she said it was the best gossip she'd heard all year. [Chandler Bing] I am proud of all my friends today. [Monica Geller] My God, Rachel, I can't believe Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren. Ohh, I'm so jealous. [Chandler Bing] Hi, I'm Chandler. Your live-in boy [Monica Geller] Chandler, please, come on. Look at him. [Chandler Bing] Oh, I am no women, but that is one tasty dish. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. Here. Ohh, who's the silver fox? [Rachel Green] That-that is your make out buddy. Don't you recognize him? Oh wait. Ohh, Phoebe I love you. Kiss me please. [Phoebe Buffay] That's not Ralph Lauren. Sounds like him though. [Rachel Green] What? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, no, Ralph doesn't look anything like that guy. He's-he's young and he's got long hair and a beard and a hacky sack. [Rachel Green] Oh My God, Phoebe, that's not Ralph Lauren. That's Kenny the copy guy. [Phoebe Buffay] What? [Rachel Green] Oh..Go..Oh..and I told my boss that someone made out with Ralph Lauren. If she finds out that I lied to her, she is going to hate me even more. Phoebe!! [Phoebe Buffay] Why would the copy guy say he was Ralph Lauren? [Rachel Green] To get you to make out with him!!! [Phoebe Buffay] Ohhh. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Okay, maybe this will make your teeth look less white. Nope. Okay, colors that don't work are blue, yellow, green, red, black, white, orange, and purple. [Ross Geller] I don't know what I'm going to do. That date starts in like an hour. [Monica Geller] Hey Ross, maybe if your skin was lighter. Your teeth wouldn't look so bright. [Ross Geller] Oh great. So all I need to do is get some new skin. Thank you. [Monica Geller] I'm just saying, if we put just a little bit of makeup on you. [Ross Geller] Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. We're not 13 anymore. [Monica Geller] Ross this is the only thing left that has a shot at working. [Ross Geller] But, won't she notice I have makeup on? [Monica Geller] Please. Half the guys out there have makeup on. [Ross Geller] What?? [Monica Geller] All right, half the people. I mean, just try it and see. [Ross Geller] No. I am not putting on makeup. [Phoebe Buffay] Hello. Oh good. Ross could you put up some of these flyers for me? OH!! Demon!! Demon!! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Now are drawers will smell nice and we didn't waste these pantyhose. [Chandler Bing] Yes, God forbid we throw out old underwear. You-you know what? I'm going to go over to Joey's. [Monica Geller] Wait, we're supposed to organize the wrapping paper drawer. [Chandler Bing] Yes, but I feel like I've really gotten in touch with my feminine side enough today. You know. In fact I think we're two sachets away from becoming a lesbian couple. [Monica Geller] You know what? This has been kind of a girlie day. You're right, I'm sorry. [Chandler Bing] Nah, Nah, it's okay. I feel like I need to be in guy place. You know, do kind of like a man thing. [Monica Geller] Yeah. Go over to Joey's. Go over to Joey's and drink some beer and hammer up some drywall. [Chandler Bing] You know when guys hang out they don't just drink some beer and hammer up drywall? [Monica Geller] When girls hang out, we don't have pillow fights in our underwear. I'm sorry. We do. We do. I don't know why I said that. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Chandler. Come on in. We're knitting pot holders. [Chandler Bing] No thanks, Josephine. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey Ross, I was wondering if... Oh my God!! Where are all the men??? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ohh, hi, Kim. [Kim] Hi Rachel. [Rachel Green] Yeah, remember that thing I told you that happened yesterday? Well it didn't happen. [Kim] You didn't cancel the fabric order from Taiwan? [Rachel Green] Okay, two things didn't happen. Remember I told you that someone made out with Ralph Lauren in the copy room? Well, it turns out that's not true. [Kim] That's not true? [Rachel Green] No. [Kim] Oh that's interesting? Because I checked and only one keycard was used to access the copy machine yesterday during lunch and that keycard belonged to you, Rachel. [Rachel Green] Oh no, no, no. Oh God, you think I made out with him. [Kim] Listen to me. If you think sleeping with Ralph is going to get you my job. You are sadly mistaken. [Rachel Green] I-I don't want your job. I-I don't. Ohh this is such a mistake. I did not make out with him. Nobody made out with him. I did not use my keycard yesterday. I don't even know how to use my keycard. [Kim] Hi Ralph. [Ralph Lauren] Hi Kim. [Kim] Yeah, nothing happen. You could cut the sexual tension in here with a knife. --------------------------------------- [Hillary] And after that, what could I do except become a chef. [Ross Geller] Mmm-Hmm. [Hillary] And someday soon, I hope to open my own restaurant. [Ross Geller] Mmm. [Hillary] You know, you're a really great listener. Most guys I go out with, they just talk and talk. [Ross Geller] Mm-Hmm. [Hillary] After a while it's like, shut your mouth, you know? [Ross Geller] Hmm-Hmm. [Hillary] I've probably been talking too much. Why don't we talk about you a little bit? [Ross Geller] Mmm-Unmm. [Hillary] Come on. I want to know. [Ross Geller] Hmm-Hmm-Hmm. Okay. I, uh, am from Long Island. I-I came to the city for college. Um, I, um, have a 5 year old son and in my spare time I like to read spy novels. But, but, let's talk more about you. Hmm. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] So what's really neat. If you sear the stems of the flowers first in a frying pan, your arrangement will look fresh much longer. [Monica Geller] Oh my God, Joey, that is such a great tip. [Chandler Bing] Monica, could you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to the girl with the flowers. [Monica Geller] Okay. Oh but Joey, come over later because I'm going to teach you to make a bird feeder out of just a pine cone and some peanut butter. [Joey Tribbiani] Ohh, I love birds. [Chandler Bing] What is the matter with you ?!? [Joey Tribbiani] What? [Chandler Bing] You're arranging flowers! You got dead flowers! You got a picture, a picture, of a baby dressed like flowers! This is not Joey!! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. Hey look I am still Joey, okay. Flowers they're just, you know, they're nice to look at. And that happens to be a picture by a famous artist. Of a famous baby. [Chandler Bing] You're turning into a women. [Joey Tribbiani] No I'm not. Why would you say that? That's just mean. [Chandler Bing] Now I've upset you? What did I say? [Joey Tribbiani] It's not what you said. It's the way you said it....Oh My God, I'm a woman!!! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Now, she thinks that I made out with him and I did it to get her job. [Phoebe Buffay] But why didn't you just tell her the truth. [Rachel Green] I did but she doesn't think anyone would be stupid enough to confuse Kenny the copy guy with Ralph Lauren. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, hey, what if Kenny were the real brains behind the whole company? You know. What if Kenny hired that Ralph Lauren guy to be the pretty front man? Huh, did she ever think of that? [Rachel Green] You were with Kenny today, weren't you? [Phoebe Buffay] Just for a second. [Rachel Green] Ohh, Phoebe, what am I going to do? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, the only thing you can do. Sleep with Ralph Lauren. [Rachel Green] I'm not going to sleep with Ralph Lauren. I mean, I could, but I wouldn't. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, sleep with Kenny. [Rachel Green] That wouldn't help me. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, yes it would. --------------------------------------- [Hillary] I've had a really good time tonight. [Ross Geller] Mmm. [Hillary] You know, I rarely connect with someone this much on the first date. [Ross Geller] Hmm-Hmm-Hmm. Me, neither. I've had a really good time too, you know. [Hillary] Are you going to eat that bread? [Ross Geller] Ohh, I just like the smell. Mmmm. [Hillary] You make me laugh. [Ross Geller] Hmm-Hmm. [Hillary] Would you like to move over to the couch? [Ross Geller] Mmm-Hmm. [Hillary] Maybe I'll just turn the lights down a little. [Ross Geller] How about all the way. [Hillary] Okay. [Ross Geller] Wow, cool poster. Or should I say groovy poster? So, ahh, where were we? [Hillary] Are those your teeth?? [Ross Geller] Ohh, you can see them, huh? [Hillary] Yes. They're insanely white. [Ross Geller] I-I, did that for you. [Hillary] What's a matter with you? [Ross Geller] What's a matter with me? You've got a black light. It's 1999! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Kim, hi. [Kim] Hi Rachel. Ohh, I've been meaning to ask you. Have you seen the new Ralph Lauren sheets? Ohh, what am I thinking. Of course you have. [Rachel Green] Okay..Okay.. Look. I'm sorry that I lied to you before. You were right. Ralph and I were an item but were not anymore. [Kim] Oh, really? [Rachel Green] Yeah, he dumped me. He said, "Rachel, I can't do this. Even though you are a very, very, very beautiful woman. I can't do this. I'm married and I'm sorry." And then I don't know why but he said, "and you will never get promoted. Especially not above Kim, who is an integral cog in the Ralph Lauren machine." [Kim] You expect me to believe.. Hi Ralph. [Ralph Lauren] Hi Kim. [Kim] Oh my God. He just gave you the coldest look I have ever seen. It's like he hates you. Then it is true. [Rachel Green] Of course it's true and it hurts so bad. [Kim] Ohh honey come here. Ohh it will be ok. We've all been there. [Rachel Green] You and Ralph? [Kim] Kenny the copyboy. --------------------------------------- [Janine Lecroix] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, uhh, I need to talk to you. [Janine Lecroix] What's the matter? Are you upset? [Joey Tribbiani] I'm sorry but we've got to get rid of all this girlie stuff in here. I, uh, I got to be a man! Okay. The living room has to remain a guy place, okay? That's just the way it has to be. [Janine Lecroix] Well, if that's what you want. I'll just put it all in my room. [Joey Tribbiani] Great...Great...and thanks for being so understanding. I mean, I didn't want to make a big deal out of this, you know. You could, uh, put the picture of the famous baby in my room. I mean, if you want to. [Janine Lecroix] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] And, uhh, maybe the watering can there. [Janine Lecroix] Sure. [Joey Tribbiani] And a couple of these little tiny boxes. [Janine Lecroix] Joey? Do you want me to put it all in your room? [Joey Tribbiani] Okay.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e08", "title": "The One With Ross's Teeth"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Ross Got High [Monica Geller] Okay, great! Bye. So guess who's coming to Thanksgiving dinner? [Chandler Bing] Sydney Portier? Hehheh. [Monica Geller] I miss Rachel. No, my parents. [Chandler Bing] Oh! That's great, they haven't seen the place since I moved in! [Monica Geller] Yeah, and y'know, if you could not mention to them that we live together, that would be great! , I was thinking we would eat around four. [Chandler Bing] Why can't I tell them that we live together? [Monica Geller] Because they don't know we're dating. Do you think we should eat in the kitchen? [Chandler Bing] Why haven't you told them?! [Monica Geller] Um, well, I was going to, I-I-I really was. But um, then somewhere, just out of nowhere, I didn't. [Chandler Bing] Why haven't you told them?! Wouldn't they be happy?! [Monica Geller] So! Dinner in the kitchen around four! I'll see you then. [Chandler Bing] Why wouldn't they be happy? [Monica Geller] Well, um, because mainly, um, they don't like you. I'm sorry. [Chandler Bing] What? What? Why?! [Monica Geller] Maybe because you used to be aloof, or that you're really sarcastic, or that, y'know, you joke around all the time. Or that you take off your clothes and throw them on the couch. [Chandler Bing] Is this why they don't like me or why you don't like me? [Monica Geller] Look, I know that I should've told them. I know I shouldn't care what they think. I'm sorry. [Chandler Bing] Y'know, it'll be okay. It'll be okay. Because when they come over, I will be all charming, I will make them fall in love with me, and then we'll tell 'em. [Monica Geller] You really think that'll work? [Chandler Bing] Hey, I can be pretty charming, babe, I won YOU over, didn't I? [Monica Geller] I don't think you'll ever get my parents that drunk! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey! Oh, good, Ross! You're parents like me, right? [Ross Geller] Yes, of course they like you! [Chandler Bing] Well Monica just told me that they don't. [Ross Geller] Yeah, they don't like you. [Chandler Bing] Do you know why? [Ross Geller] I dunno, maybe it's because you're really sarcastic. Or maybe it's cause you uh- [Chandler Bing] Well if people don't know they shouldn't just guess! [Chandler Bing] This is great, another Thanksgiving with nothing to give thanks for. [Joey Tribbiani] Maybe I could give thanks for you shuttin' up, eh? [Chandler Bing] Maybe I could give thanks by taking my Playstation over to my new apartment. [Joey Tribbiani] Well maybe I love ya'. [Chandler Bing] . [Janine Lecroix] Hey. [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Janine Lecroix] Hey guys! [Ross Geller] No I don't want to play video games, Joey! [Janine Lecroix] Are you guys going to Chandler's for Thanksgiving? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Yeah, why? What's up? [Janine Lecroix] Well, me and my dancer friends are thinking of doing Thanksgiving uptown. I thought you guys might like to come. [Ross Geller] For real? [Janine Lecroix] No, but you should go to Chandler's. Because none of us knows how to cook, we'll probably just end up drinking all day. [Joey Tribbiani] Ye-ye, we go to yours! [Ross Geller] Yeah, see, we-we-we have to stop across the hall, because it's my sister. But, uh, uh y'know actually, growing up with a sister was nice because it really helped me understand women. Yeah, you-you should tell your friends that. [Janine Lecroix] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] How you got three women to marry you, I'll never know. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [#ALL#] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey! Hey, Pheebs, check it out. Yeah, for my desert, I have chosen to make a traditional English truffle! [Phoebe Buffay] Wow, that sounds great! And what are you making Monica, in case Rachel's dessert is... so good that I eat all of it. There's none left for anybody else! [Monica Geller] Nothing. [Rachel Green] Nothing? [Monica Geller] No, sweetie, I-I trust you. [Rachel Green] So, if-if I mess this up, there's nothing else for dessert? [Monica Geller] You're not gonna mess it up. [Rachel Green] Wow, Monica, I love that, you really have faith in me. Thank you. Technical question, how do you know when uh, the butter's done? [Monica Geller] Well, it's done about two minutes before it looks like that. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [#ALL#] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, ooh the food smells great, Mon! [Ross Geller] And the place looks so nice! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, hey hey, Happy Thanksgiving everybody! [Ross Geller] Happy Thanksgiving! [The Girls] Happy Thanksgiving! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, this has been great! [Ross Geller] See ya! [Monica Geller] Whoa whoa whoa! Where're you goin'? [Ross Geller] Oh, oh, we did say we'd stop by this little thing Joey's roommate is having. [Monica Geller] Oh, Janine, the really hot dancer girl? [Ross Geller] Some would say she's attractive, yes. [Phoebe Buffay] And who else is going to be there? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, some of her friends, yeah. [Rachel Green] Her dancer friends? [Joey Tribbiani] Yes, all right? All of her hot dancer friends are gonna be there and they're gonna be, be drinkin' and dancin, and we really wanna go! [Ross Geller] Dude, we were good! [Monica Geller] You're not gonna go anywhere, you said you were gonna eat here, and you're gonna eat here! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, and-and leaving us to go see hot dancer girls is not very Thanksgivingy. [Ross Geller] Oh, but-but it is, uh, it's just like the first Thanksgiving, when the Indians and the Pilgrims uh, sat down to dinner. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, yeah, and the Indians taught the Pilgrims what it meant to be hot in the new world! [Judy Geller] Hello everybody! [Jack Geller] Hi! [#ALL#] Hi! [Monica Geller] Dad , Mom . Look! Look who it is it's Chandler! [Judy Geller] Oh yes of course, hello Chandler. [Chandler Bing] Mr. and Mrs. Geller, you look wonderful, it is great to have you hear, let us take off your coats! [Chandler Bing] Whoa, snowing out there? [Jack Geller] No. [Jack Geller] Monica, all this food looks wonderful, you should think about doing this for a living. [Jack Geller] Ok, I have dandruff. There's no need to laugh and point. [Monica Geller] Dad, Chandler was just laughing at your joke. [Jack Geller] My joke wasn't funny. [Phoebe Buffay] Rach, Rach, I just remembered. I had a dream about Mr. Geller last night. [Rachel Green] Really?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I dreamt that he saved me from a burning building and he was so brave and so strong! And it's making me look at him totally differently. Y'know, I mean he used to be just, y'know "Jack Geller Monica and Ross's dad" and now he's he's "Jack Geller, dream hunk." [Rachel Green] I dunno. Y'know to me he'll always be "Jack Geller, walks in while you're changing." [Monica Geller] Y'know dad, Chandler is one of Ross's very best friends! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, Ross sure is a great guy, y'know I've always felt that how a young man turns out is a reflection on his father. [Jack Geller] I always thought that too. Tell me, what does your father do? [Chandler Bing] He's the headliner of a gay burlesque show. [Joey Tribbiani] Rach, you're killin' us here, will ya serve the dessert already? Those drunken dancers are waiting! [Rachel Green] Look at it, isn't it beautiful? [Ross Geller] Yeah, yeah, what is it? [Rachel Green] It's a truffle. It's got all of these layers. First there's a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch, then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sauteed with peas and onions, then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top! [Ross Geller] W-What was the one right before bananas? [Rachel Green] The beef? Yeah, that was weird to me, too. But then, y'know, I thought "well, there's mincemeat pie," I mean that's an English dessert, these people just put very strange things in their food, y'know. Oh! by the way, can I borrow some Rum from your place? [Joey Tribbiani] Y-sure! [Rachel Green] And while I'm gone don't you boys sneak a taste. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Ross Geller] Beef in a dessert?! I- no no no, there is no way! [Joey Tribbiani] I know, and only one layer of jam?! What is up with that? [Ross Geller] Oh my God, the pages are stuck together! [Joey Tribbiani] Chandler! [Ross Geller] Oh My God, she-she made half a English Trifle, and half a...Sheperd's Pie! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh man! Now she's gonna start all over! We're never gonna get to introduce the hot girls to the new world! [Ross Geller] No, no, we will. We just won't tell her she messed up. [Joey Tribbiani] Just let her serve the beef-custard thing? [Ross Geller] Yeah, it'll be like a funny Thanksgiving story! [Joey Tribbiani] Vomiting stories are funny... [Rachel Green] Joey, God, your apartment is like a hundred degrees! [Joey Tribbiani] Did-did it make you wanna walk around in your underwear? [Rachel Green] No! [Joey Tribbiani] Still not hot enough! [Phoebe Buffay] Rachel? [Rachel Green] Yeah? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, look at him. Look at those strong hands. Oh what I wouldn't give to be that can of condensed milk. [Monica Geller] Mom, uh, Chandler was just saying how beautiful your sweater is. [Judy Geller] Oh, thank you Chandler! I just bought it. [Chandler Bing] Oh, yes. Well it's very beautiful. It's cream-colored and tight I don't mean tight, I mean it's not too tight, not that I was looking at- [Jack Geller] What's the matter with him? [Judy Geller] I think he's stoned again. [Chandler Bing] What? [Monica Geller] What? [Ross Geller] Dude, I need to talk to you a sec. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Okay, I think I might know why my parents don't like you. [Chandler Bing] You do? Why? [Ross Geller] Okay, remember, we were young. Hey, Spring break, sophomore year, I got high in my bedroom and my parents walked in and smelled it and so I told them that you had gotten stoned and jumped out the window. [Chandler Bing] What?! Why did you do that? [Ross Geller] I don't know, aheh, your's was the first name that-that popped into my head, I'm I'm sorry. I-I didn't think it would matter. [Chandler Bing] How could it not matter?! [Ross Geller] How was I supposed to know we'd end up being friends after college, let alone you-you would be living with my sister? [Chandler Bing] What about all that "friends forever" stuff? [Ross Geller] I don't know, I-I was all high. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Mom and dad just sent me in here to find out if you were trying to get Ross stoned! [Chandler Bing] Your parents caught Ross smoking pot in college and he blamed it on me! [Monica Geller] Ross, I can't believe you'd do that! [Chandler Bing] The reason we haven't told them we're together is because they hate me, okay? So will you fix this? [Ross Geller] Okay, okay, I'll tell 'em it wasn't Chandler who got high. Now who should I say it was? [Monica Geller] You! It's not like it's a big deal! You-you don't still do it or anything! [Ross Geller] Alright, alright, now-now who should I say tricked me into doing it? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Dad, please don't pick your teeth out here! Alright, and if you're gonna put your feet up, why don't you sit on the- [Phoebe Buffay] Monica, leave him alone! [Joey Tribbiani] Will you hurry up? Did you not hear me before when I told you that all of Janine's friends are dancers?! And that they're going to be drinking alot!? [Rachel Green] No, I did, but tell me again, because it's so romantic. [Joey Tribbiani] Well you're whippin' so slow! Can't you do it any faster? [Rachel Green] Joey! Come on! I don't wanna make any mistakes, alright? This is the only dessert and if I screw it up everybody's gonna be like "Oh, remember that Thanksgiving when Rachel screwed up the trifle?" [Rachel Green] So why don't you just let me worry about making the trifle and you just worry about eating it, alright? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh I am! [Monica Geller] Ross, if you don't tell them, then I will! [Ross Geller] Okay, fine! [Joey Tribbiani] Ross! Can I talk to you for a second? [Ross Geller] Oh, uh, can it wait a second Joey? I have to tell my parents something. No it can't? Okay. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, look, I think we have to tell Rachel she messed up her dessert. [Ross Geller] What?! What is with everybody? It's Thanksgiving, not...Truth-Day! [Joey Tribbiani] Look, when everyone eats that...that...Banana-Meat thing, they're all gonna' make fun of her, do you want that? [Ross Geller] Okay, okay, we'll just get everyone to act like they like it. That-that way noone makes fun of her and we still get to go to Sweet Potatoe Pie! [Joey Tribbiani] Dude, they're not objects. [Joey Tribbiani] Just kiddin,' I'll talk to them, you distract Rach. [Ross Geller] Hey Rach, can I talk to you outside for a second? [Rachel Green] Okay... [Rachel Green] What's up, Ross? [Ross Geller] So um...Thanksgiving. The holiday season is upon us, hm? [Rachel Green] Yeah! [Ross Geller] And um...You look nice today. [Rachel Green] Oh no. No Ross, don't do this. [Ross Geller] What? [Rachel Green] I just- I don't think us getting back together is a good idea. [Ross Geller] Eh? [Rachel Green] I thought this might happen today. Ross, I know the holidays can be rough. Y'know? And it's probably really hard for you to be alone right now. [Ross Geller] You're alone. [Rachel Green] No, I-I live with Phoebe. I mean you're alone, alone. And I just-it's just not the time for us. I'm sorry. [Ross Geller] Ah well, can't blame a guy for trying! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh and Okay, and uh if anyone needs help pretending to like it, I learned something in acting class, try uh, rubbing your stomach or uh, or saying "mmm" and uh, oh oh! And smiling , okay? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I'm not gonna pay for those acting classes anymore. [Joey Tribbiani] Rachel, there you are! Come on, let's serve that dessert already! [Rachel Green] Joey, you're gonna have to stop rushing me, you know what? You don't get any dessert. [Joey Tribbiani] Really? [Rachel Green] No, I'm just kidding I would never do that to you! Okay, everybody, it's trifle time! [Phoebe Buffay] So, now, Rach, this is a traditional English trifle, isn't it? [Rachel Green] It sure is. [Phoebe Buffay] Wow. So then did you make it with beef or Eggplant? [Rachel Green] Beef. [Phoebe Buffay] I can't have any. You know I don't eat meat. Ohhh no. [Rachel Green] Alright, Monica, I want you to have the first taste. [Monica Geller] Really? [Rachel Green] Oh oh oh, wait! You only got whipped cream in there! Ya gotta take a bite with all the layers! [Monica Geller] Okay. [Rachel Green] Op! Wait, you dropped a pea. [Rachel Green] Well? [Monica Geller] Mmmm! It's good! [Rachel Green] Really? How good? [Monica Geller] It's so good, that I feel really selfish about being the only one who's eating it, that I think we should have everyone taste how good it is. Especially Ross. [#ALL#] Mmm. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, this is so good, that I'm gonna go enjoy it on the balcony so that I can enjoy the view whilst I enjoy my dessert. [Judy Geller] I've gotta call my friend Mary and tell her how good this is, from Monica's room. [Jack Geller] I'll help you dial. [Monica Geller] I'm gonna go into the bathroom so I can look at it in the mirror, as I eat it. [Rachel Green] Okay, now what was that all about? Is it-does it not taste good? Let me try it. [Ross Geller] Wha? No no! Ah! All gone! So good! Maybe Chandler has some left. [Ross Geller] It tastes like feet! [Joey Tribbiani] I like it. [Ross Geller] Are you kidding? [Joey Tribbiani] What's not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Gooooood. [Rachel Green] ...So a bird just grabbed it, and then tried to fly away with it and, and then just dropped it on the street? [Chandler Bing] Yes, but if it's any consolation, before the bird dropped it, he seemed to enjoy it. [Phoebe Buffay] Rachel, come here. Okay, I was just starting to take my Thanksgiving nap, and I had another dream about Jack. [Rachel Green] Oh, Phoebe, do I wanna hear this? [Phoebe Buffay] I dunno, let's see! So, okay, I dreamt that we were gonna get married, and he left, becuz he had to go fight a fire. And, um, so okay, I went to a night club, and I saw him making out with a girl. [Rachel Green] Oh my God, he dream-cheated on you! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, but then Jacques Cousteau came and he kicked his ass for betraying me! It was soo cool! Then, he took me diving and he introduced me to his pet seahorse, who, by the way, was totally coming on to me, and please, that is not gonna happen. [Jack Geller] Boy, I'm glad I wore the big belt today. [Phoebe Buffay] Five minutes ago, a line like that would've floored me. Now nothing. Well, not nothing, I am still a woman. [Monica Geller] Ross? Let's go. [Ross Geller] Oh yeah, about telling Mom and Dad, I was thinking about maybe writing a letter. [Monica Geller] Alright, you know what? That's it. You've had your chance. [Ross Geller] Wha-what? [Monica Geller] Mom! Dad! Ross smoked pot in college! [Jack Geller] What?! [Ross Geller] You are such a tattletale! Mom, Dad, you remember that-that time you walked in my room and smelled marijuana? [Jack Geller] Yes. [Ross Geller] Well I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot but it was me. I'm sorry. [Judy Geller] It was you? [Monica Geller] And Dad, y'know that mailman that you got fired? He didn't steal your Playboys! Ross did! [Ross Geller] Yeah, well, Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing, Monica did! [Monica Geller] Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a year! [Ross Geller] Monica and Chandler are living together! [Monica Geller] Ross married Rachel in Vegas! And got divorced! Again!!!! [Phoebe Buffay] I love Jacques Cousteau! [Rachel Green] I wasn't supposed to put beef in the trifle! [Joey Tribbiani] I wanna gooooooo! [Judy Geller] That's alot of information to get in in thirty seconds! Alright Joey, if wanna leave, just leave. Rachel, no you weren't supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good. Phoebe, I'm sorry, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead. Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you were in an important relationship is beyond me. [Jack Geller] And we kinda figured about the porch swing. [Judy Geller] Ross, drugs? Divorced? Again? [Jack Geller] What happened son? [Ross Geller] I-I uh, I got tricked into all those things! [Judy Geller] Chandler! You've been Ross's best friend all these years, stuck by him during the drug problems. And now you've taken on Monica as well. Well, I don't know what to say. You're a wonderful human being. [Chandler Bing] Thank you! [Jack Geller] No! Thank you! Monica, and Ross! I don't know what I'm gonna do about the two of you! [Chandler Bing] I'll talk to them! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] You guys! It was bananas, cream, and beef! I-I just cannot believe that you ate that so that I wouldn't feel bad! [Monica Geller] Well actually, I-I didn't eat mine. It's still in the bathroom. [Joey Tribbiani] No it isn't, I ate that. [Judy Geller] Well we left ours in Monica's bedroom. [Joey Tribbiani] Nope, got it and I got yours too.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e09", "title": "The One Where Ross Got High"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Routine [Chandler Bing] Let me ask you, why is everybody using these tiny lights nowadays? I remember when people used to use big lights. [Rachel Green] That's a good story, Grandpa. [Ross Geller] Hey [#ALL#] Hey [Ross Geller] Wow, Monica's letting other people help decorate her tree! Did someone get her drunk again or? [Monica Geller] Having a perfectly decorated tree is not what Christmas is about. It's about being with the people that you love. [Phoebe Buffay] That is nice and we're done. TADA! [Chandler Bing] I dunno what it is, it just doesn't quite feel like Christmas to me. [Monica Geller] Oh, here. [Chandler Bing] See now it feels like Christmas! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] ... and that's the story of the dreidle. Now, some people trace the Christmas tree back to the Egyptians, who used to bring green palm branches into their huts on the shortest day of the year, symbolising life's triumph over death. And that was like 4000 years ago. [Rachel Green] So, pretty much around the same time that you started telling this story. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey you guys. [Chandler Bing] Hey Joe what's up? [Joey Tribbiani] I had to get out of the apartment. Janine is like stretching all over the place. Y'know, everywhere I look she's like... [Chandler Bing] I can see why that's hard to resist. [Joey Tribbiani] I like her so much! [Monica Geller] Aw, I'm sorry sweetie that she doesn't feel the same way. [Joey Tribbiani] I know. And she's so sweet. I just wanna feed her grapes and brush her hair. [Chandler Bing] You are aware that she's not a monkey, right? [Ross Geller] I am so over Janine. I mean, yeah, at first I thought she was hot, but now she's like OLD NEWS! [Janine Lecroix] Hey guys! [Ross Geller] Hi Janine! [Janine Lecroix] I just got a call to be a dancer on a television special for New Year's Eve. It's called some sort of Dick'n Rock'n Dickie Eve. [Monica Geller] Hold it! Are you talking about Dick Clark's New Year's Rocking Eve? [Janine Lecroix] Yeah, that's what I said. [Monica Geller] Oh my God! We love that show! I mean Ross and I have been watching it since I can remember! [Chandler Bing] Ah, you're still just a little fat girl inside aren't you? [Janine Lecroix] Well I'm gonna be on it this year. I'm gonna be one of the party people. [Ross Geller] You're gonna be a party person! Those guys rock the most! [Janine Lecroix] Well they said I should bring someone. Do you wanna be my dance partner? [Joey Tribbiani] Totally! I would love to spend New Year's with you. [Janine Lecroix] Well actually they're taping tomorrow. I don't really understand why. [Ross Geller] Oh, well you see how it works is, the part with Dick Clark in Times Square is actually live, but they tape some of the party stuff ahead of time. Yeah, not a lot of people know that. [Janine Lecroix] Yeah well, do you guys wanna come too? [Ross Geller] Are you serious? [Monica Geller] We are there! [Chandler Bing] What, what are you laughing at? [Rachel Green] Well, I used to date him, but you're still going out with her! [Janine Lecroix] Thanks. Great so we can all go together! I gotta run. Catch you later! [#ALL#] Bye! [Ross Geller] Bye Janine! [Joey Tribbiani] Did she just ask me out on a date? [Chandler Bing] I don't think so. [Monica Geller] What are you talking about? She just invited him to the biggest party of the millennium! [Rachel Green] Yeah, but she also invited you and Ross. Yeah, honey, I'm sorry, but I don't think that was a romantic thing. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh. Maybe. But hey I know how I can find out. We're going to a New Year's Eve party, right? So at midnight, I can kiss her. And if she kisses me back, great! Y'know? But if she says 'Dude, what the hell are you doing?' I can say 'It wasn't me, it was New Years!' [Rachel Green] Well, that's a lot better than Ross trying to kiss me in High School, and saying that he did it because he needed chapstick. [Ross Geller] It was a dry day. [Monica Geller] We are going to Dick Clark's New Year's Rocking Eve! [Ross Geller] Oh my God! [Monica Geller] Oh my God! [Chandler Bing] Oh my God! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] OK, listen I've been on sets before, so let me give you a little advice, alright? It's a show, but we're just dancing, OK? It's no big deal. The important thing to remember – stay cool. [Ross Geller] Got it! [Ross Geller] Oh my God it's just like I dreamed it! [Director] OK, everyone gather up. [Monica Geller] 'Scuse us [Director] Here's what's gonna happen. The music's gonna start, you're gonna dance, we're gonna tape, you don't look at the camera. Any questions? [Ross Geller] Yeah, I have a question. When is this gonna air? [Director] Uh, yeah. Now you guys dance over there, you guys over there, and I want you two right around here, and everyone else spread out. [Joey Tribbiani] Ross! So when is it gonna air? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Okay, you look in the kitchen, I will look in the back closet. [Chandler Bing] I can save you time ladies, I'm right here. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, Chandler why don't you take a walk? This doesn't concern you. [Rachel Green] We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica. [Chandler Bing] What? That's terrible! [Phoebe Buffay] No-no, we do it every year! [Chandler Bing] Oh well, that makes it not terrible. [Phoebe Buffay] No, yeah, we never find them! She's always best at us that wily minx. [Rachel Green] Don't worry, we're just gonna search here for an hour, them we're gonna go over to Joey's and search, OK? [Chandler Bing] No not okay, you can't look for Monica's presents! [Phoebe Buffay] But we have to! [Chandler Bing] No, you don't have to, and you can't because I live here too. [Phoebe Buffay] Well then, you should look with us. [Chandler Bing] Why? [Rachel Green] Chandler, aren't you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas? [Chandler Bing] No, I have a great idea for a present for her. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, that's it? A great idea! [Rachel Green] Chandler, that's not enough. I mean what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and a bunch of little presents? And you've just gotten her one great present? I mean that's just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you do that to her Chandler? Why? Why? [Chandler Bing] If I help, we can find 'em faster! [Rachel Green] That's right! [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh ooh, we have a live one! [Rachel Green] Oh, it's a Macy's bag! [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, who's it for? [Rachel Green] Dear losers, do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch? P.S. Chandler, I knew they'd break you. [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-oh. She may be onto us. [Rachel Green] We are so gonna find them this year. [Chandler Bing] Y'know when you guys said you were gonna go across the hall and look, you don't, you don't do that every year do you? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] You don't, like go into the back of my closet, and look under my gym bag or anything? [Phoebe Buffay] No, we never do that [Chandler Bing] Because that's where Joey gave me some stuff to store that I've never seen before in my life! Okay, that did not just happen! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Okay, here comes another camera. [Ross Geller] Right. No biggie. Stay loose. [Ross Geller] Why do they keep doing that? [Monica Geller] If we wanna get on camera, I think we have to get up on one of those platforms. They've been taping those people up there all day. [Ross Geller] Right. [Ross Geller] Hey, what'd you guys do to get up on there? [Girl] We learned how to dance. [Monica Geller] Oh yeah? Well when you learned how to dance did you forget how to put on underpants? [Ross Geller] Yeah! [Janine Lecroix] Hey! You're a good dancer! [Joey Tribbiani] Really? [Janine Lecroix] Yeah, well you'd be better if you just loosened your hips a little. [Joey Tribbiani] What do you mean? [Janine Lecroix] Like this. [Janine Lecroix] That's it, feel the rhythm. That's better. [Joey Tribbiani] Uh-huh. [Director] Okay, you're dancing with that girl over there. [Joey Tribbiani] No-no-no-no-no we came together! [Director] I don't see it. You are dancing with the tall guy over there. Tall guy, raise your hand! [Joey Tribbiani] No-no hey buddy, please let me dance with that girl, I really like her and I think I have a shot. [Director] Really, y'think so? I don't.. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] I couldn't find anything at Joey--Hey-hey, oh hey! [Rachel Green] Yeah, we found them. There were in the guest room closet behind some coats. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, and you have nothing to worry about 'cos they're all crap! [Chandler Bing] Those are my gifts, I got them for you. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohhh. Thanks Chandler they're great! [Rachel Green] Well Chandler, what is this very weird, metal A Z thing? [Chandler Bing] Those are book ends! That's a great gift! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, okay, I'm sorry, thank you for my azzz. [Rachel Green] Ha! [Chandler Bing] Make sure you put all that stuff back in the closet, okay? [Rachel Green] Yes, okay, oh, by the way, I just gotta say, I think it's really nice of you that even after you've moved, you still keep storing that stuff for Joey! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey dancer girl! Can I go to the bathroom? I just.. Here we go. Looking good Gellers! [Ross Geller] We know! [Monica Geller] Hey, see that snippy guy over there? He's the one who decides who gets up on the platform. We should go dance by him. [Ross Geller] Okay. [Director] Okay, everybody hold! [Director] Next on the platforms are... ...you two! And... ...You two! [Monica Geller] Excuse me, sir, would it help if I weren't wearing underpants? [Ross Geller] Monica! Would it? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Tall guy! Hey, listen, I wanted to talk to you about that girl that you're dancing with. [Tall Guy] She's nice, huh? To think I almost brought my wife to this! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, yeah, okay. Uh, look buddy, I came with that girl, and I had this plan to kiss her at the new years countdown – I'm trying to win her over, so I was wondering if.. [Tall Guy] No I don't think so. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh come on man, you can dance with my partner, she's real, uh, mellow! [Tall Guy] Look, are you dating this girl you came with? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I was hoping after tonight that maybe I could you know... [Tall Guy] No, no. She's fair game if you ask me, sorry buddy! [Joey Tribbiani] Alright, alright, hey y'know fair is fair, if you're right, you're right, what can I say, but hey oh no! [Tall Guy] God! What are you, in second grade? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, now you're the one who wet his pants. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Man, this sucks! Y'know if Mom and Dad don't see us on TV after we made them so jealous, I mean, who's gonna be the losers then? [Ross Geller] Hey, I know what'll get us up on a platform! [Monica Geller] What? [Ross Geller] The routine! [Monica Geller] Ross, we haven't done the routine since middle school. [Ross Geller] Hey, when the snippy guy sees the routine, he'll wanna build us our own platform! [Monica Geller] Was it really that good? [Ross Geller] We got honourable mention in the brother/sister dance category! Look, it's almost fake midnight, do we really have any other choice? [Monica Geller] Okay, let's do it. Mom and Dad are gonna be so faced! [Monica Geller] 5 6 7 8! [Ross Geller] So, do we really have to ask who's going up on the platform next? [Director] Oh no! You get up there and do that again exactly like that! [Monica Geller] Yes! [Director] Make sure you get this, they're gonna want it for the bloopers show. Alright cut! Listen up everyone, when we start again it's gonna be the countdown to new years, so I wanna see everybody's excitement. [Tall Guy] Hey, pal, you have about three seconds to get away from my partner. [Director] What's going on over here? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, take a look at the guy's pants! I mean, I know you told us to show excitement, but don't you think he went a little overboard? [Director] What's the matter with you? Get out of here! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, take a hike wetpants! [Ross Geller] Can you believe this? We're gonna be on the platform for the Millennium moment! [Monica Geller] I know! Hey, you haven't been practising the routine, have you? [Ross Geller] No! [Monica Geller] Me too! [Ross Geller] Hey, when the music starts up again, I was thinking of maybe goind into the robot, y'know? [Monica Geller] Ross, I think we should stick to the routine, we don't wanna look stupid! [Director] Alright we're back! Ten seconds left here we go! Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, it all comes down to this. Whatever happens, happens. Destiny. [#ALL#] Three, Two, One! [Director] Cut! [Joey Tribbiani] No! Year! Happy No Year! [Director] Okay, here's where we go to the live shot of Times Square, nice work everyone that's a wrap! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! Look who I found! [Chandler Bing] Oh, hey guys! [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know, birds have a very good sense of direction, and I thought maybe they could help us find where the presents are hidden. [Chandler Bing] Yes, if the presents are hidden south for the winter. [Phoebe Buffay] Or we could just follow your clever jokes – any ideas? No! Didn't think so! Okay, c'mon guys, show us where the presents are! [Chandler Bing] Oh, the duck seems to think that Monica got me garbage! Hmm, I wonder what I could get Monica that's as good as garbage? [Phoebe Buffay] Hmm, how about my azzz? [Rachel Green] Hey, this is hollow. [Phoebe Buffay] What? [Rachel Green] This bench, it's hollow! I can't believe I never knew that! Oh, the presents!!! [Phoebe Buffay] No, don't look directly at them! [Chandler Bing] What? [Phoebe Buffay] Alright, no, we could look at them! [Rachel Green] Oh, this one's for me! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, this one's for Chandler. Here. [Chandler Bing] Oh great! [Phoebe Buffay] And the big one's for me! [Rachel Green] Ooh, let's open them! [Chandler Bing] Okay! Okay! Okay! [Phoebe Buffay] Hee hee! [Chandler Bing] Wait, we can't do this. [Phoebe Buffay] Why? [Chandler Bing] I don't wanna know what Monica got me. Y'know? I mean, look, I'm sure she worked really hard at getting you a present, and wanting to surprise me, and you guys are gonna ruin that, and I, look we have to put these back, this is not what Christmas is about. [Rachel Green] Whatever Linus, I'm opening mine. [Chandler Bing] Nobody is opening anything ok? Look, I don't know about you guys, but I wanna see the look on Monica's face when I give her my present, and I'm sure she wants to see the look on my face when I get mine. So please, please, can we just, can we put them back? [Phoebe Buffay] Will you get us better gifts? [Chandler Bing] Fine! [Monica Geller] Hey guys! You found the presents? Chandler, you let them find the presents? Great! Do you know how long it took me to find you that water purifier? [Chandler Bing] That's what you got me? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yes, I see what you mean. That look is priceless. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Home sweet home, huh? Nice to, uh, get back to reality. Plus we know how the New Year's gonna go off. I guess there's no reason for all that Y2K panic, y'know? Anyway, g'night! [Janine Lecroix] Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah? [Janine Lecroix] 3, 2, 1. Happy New Year. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, yoii. What was that for? [Janine Lecroix] Well, I don't know tonight when they yelled cut and we didn't get to kiss, I was really, really, disappointed, and I just, really wanted to kiss you [Joey Tribbiani] Really? In the moment, I really wanted to kiss you too. In the moment. [Janine Lecroix] In the moment, yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] But only in the moment. So do ya wanna kiss again? [Janine Lecroix] Sure, New Year's Eve is only two weeks away. Can you wait? [Joey Tribbiani] No. [Janine Lecroix] Me neither. [Joey Tribbiani] 3, 2, [Janine Lecroix] Joey, you don't have to count down every time we kiss. [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, yeah, okay. Except I sorta felt like I needed a couple of seconds to get ready. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] We were on the platform, ready to dance the world into the new Millennium, and the guy yelled 'CUT!' [Rachel Green] Uh, wait, so you guys are telling me you actually did the routine from eighth grade? [Monica Geller] Yeah. But of course we had to update it a little bit. Hey, by the way, great thinking about catching me! [Rachel Green] 'Cos I was gonna say there's no way you could've done the end the way you guys did it back then! [Monica Geller] What? We could do it! [Ross Geller] I don't know, I mean you were a lot bigger, I mean, stronger back then. [Monica Geller] I can do it, okay? Come on, let's go. [Monica Geller] 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 [Monica Geller] I can't do it! [Chandler Bing] Now you do that, you're on TV.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e10", "title": "The One With The Routine"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Apothecary Table [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Listen, do you guys think I have a chance with Janine? [Monica Geller] Honey, we have been through this before! [Rachel Green] Yeah. Don't do this to yourself. [Phoebe Buffay] She's made it pretty clear, it is not going to happen. [Joey Tribbiani] Well all right then, I guess I shouldn't get to excited about the fact that I just kissed her! [Monica Geller] You serious?! [Chandler Bing] That's great! [Monica Geller] Really?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah well, we'll see. [Ross Geller] You kissed her. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh we kissed it up real nice. [Chandler Bing] So you kissed her, so what happened after that? [Joey Tribbiani] I came over here to tell you guys. [Chandler Bing] So she's just waiting over there for ya? --------------------------------------- [Janine Lecroix] I gotta go. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Janine Lecroix] I'm gonna be really late for dance class! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Janine Lecroix] Okay, now I'm really late. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, I'm all right, okay, but hey, could you just leave your lips? [Janine Lecroix] Bye. [Monica Geller] Bye. [Joey Tribbiani] Have you kissed her yet? It's awesome! I could do it forever! Y'know what? She-she kisses better than my mom cooks! [Monica Geller] I am so glad you said cooks. [Rachel Green] I know. [Chandler Bing] Oh hey Rachel, sweetheart? You have got to tell the post office that you have moved. Okay? We are still getting all your bills and stuff. [Rachel Green] Oh-oh, Pottery Barn! You can throw the rest away. [Chandler Bing] I'm not your garbage man. I'm your mailman. [Rachel Green] Monica look! Look-look-look! Here is that table that I ordered. [Monica Geller] You got it from Pottery Barn?! [Rachel Green] Yeah! It's an apothecary table. Does anyone even know what an apothecary is? [Chandler Bing] A pharmacist. [Monica Geller] Rach, Phoebe hates Pottery Barn. [Joey Tribbiani] I hate Pottery Barn too. They kicked me out of there just because I sat on a bed! [Chandler Bing] You took off your pants and climbed under the sheets! [Joey Tribbiani] I was tired! [Rachel Green] Phoebe hates Pottery Barn?! [Monica Geller] Yeah, she hates all mass produced stuff. She thinks her furniture should have a history, a story behind it. [Rachel Green] Well this has story behind it! I mean they had to ship it all the way from the White Plains store. [Monica Geller] It's gotta be one of a kind. Y'know like umm, y'know uh, what's that God awful ceramic fruit bowl she has on her counter? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! I made that for her! [Chandler Bing] You made pottery? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! I made it of this fruit bowl I found in the garbage. [Monica Geller] I'm telling-If you put that in her apartment you'll never hear the end of it. [Rachel Green] Okay fine! I'll-I'll just tell her it's an antique apothecary table, she doesn't have to know where it came from. Oh! Look at this little drawers! Oh look-look it says that it holds 300 CDs. [Chandler Bing] Ahh, just like the apothecary tables of yore... --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] ...so then the farmer says, "That's not a cow and you're not milking it." [Monica Geller] I am so glad you guys got together, Chandler and I are always looking for a couple to go out with and now we have one! [Chandler Bing] Look at us, we're a couple of couples! [Janine Lecroix] I had so much fun tonight, and what a great restaurant. [Monica Geller] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] And Chandler I can't believe I let you pay for this one. Thanks man. [Monica Geller] So do you guys gonna come over tomorrow? I'll make that pasta thing I was telling you about. [Janine Lecroix] Oh that would be great! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, but hey look, at least let us bring the wine. [Monica Geller] Joey, you don't have too! [Joey Tribbiani] Nope-op! I insist! You get the wine right? [Chandler Bing] Yeah all right. Okay, good night guys. [Joey Tribbiani] See ya tomorrow! [Monica Geller] Tomorrow! [Janine Lecroix] Can't wait! [Janine Lecroix] How are we gonna get out of that one? [Joey Tribbiani] What? [Janine Lecroix] I can't handle two nights in a row with them. [Joey Tribbiani] What-what's wrong with Monica and Chandler? [Janine Lecroix] I don't know, they're just a little blah! [Joey Tribbiani] Blah?! [Janine Lecroix] Well y'know, he's blah, she's just-she's very loud for such a small person. [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, they're like my best friends. Are you saying we can't hang out with them? 'Cause that would kinda be a problem. [Janine Lecroix] No! Of course we can still hang out with them. Just y'know, not two nights in a row. Okay? [Joey Tribbiani] I guess. [Janine Lecroix] Thank you. [Joey Tribbiani] If you want, I'll sell my friends and use the money to buy you presents. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, what a great table! Where-where did you get it? [Rachel Green] Guess! [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, a flea market? [Rachel Green] Ha! See, I knew, I knew you'd get it on the first guess. Isn't it cool! It's an apothecary table. [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! Oh you can just imagine that this is where they kept all the stuff to make their potions. [Rachel Green] Ohh, yes. [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know? Ooh, you can almost smell the opium. [Rachel Green] Almost. [Phoebe Buffay] How much was it? [Rachel Green] It was only 500 bucks. [Phoebe Buffay] 500 bucks at a flea market?! [Rachel Green] Oh, okay see I thought, I thought you meant how much was it when it was new, y'know like back then. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no. [Rachel Green] Yeah no, I mean it was at a flea market, so it was y'know, it was like a dollar. [Phoebe Buffay] A dollar? [Rachel Green] And fifty. So it was like one and fifty dollars. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, okay, they gave you the old time pricing. [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, what period is it from? [Rachel Green] Uh, it's from yore. Like the days of yore. Y'know? [Phoebe Buffay] Yes, yes I do. God, oh it's just perfect! Wow! I bet it has a great story behind it too. Did they tell you anything? Like y'know where it was from or... [Rachel Green] Yes! That I know, this is from White Plains. [Phoebe Buffay] White Plains. Oh, it sounds like such a magical place. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey! We're here! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Ohh! Oh my God! [Ross Geller] You like it? [Rachel Green] Oh no! [Ross Geller] It's my new apothecary table! [Rachel Green] Ross! Phoebe's gonna be here any second, she cannot see this! [Ross Geller] Well why not?! She'll-she'll love it! It's the real thing! I got it at Pottery Barn. [Rachel Green] I know you did! I bought the same one! And if she sees your table she's gonna know that I lied to her. I told her ours was an original. [Ross Geller] Why did you do that? [Rachel Green] Because she hates Pottery Barn. [Ross Geller] She hates Pottery Barn?!! [Rachel Green] I know! I know, she says it's all mass-produced, nothing is authentic, and everyone winds up having the same stuff. So come on, she's gonna be here any second! Can we please just cover this up with something?! Please? [Ross Geller] What? No! No! I am not gonna hide it from Phoebe-Ooh, although I did get some great Pottery Barn sheets! [Rachel Green] Ooo! Oh, I forgot they made sheets! [Ross Geller] Uh, yeah! I still can't believe she hates Pottery Barn! [Rachel Green] Ross, get over it! It's not like she hates you. [Ross Geller] Yeah but Pottery Barn! Y'know what I think? It's just she-she's weird. Y'know it's because she's a twin. Twins are weird. [Rachel Green] Ross, she's not weird, she just wants her stuff to be one of a kind. [Ross Geller] Huh. Y'know what's not one of a kind? A twin! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Ooh, Phoebe's here! Okay, let's turn out all the lights and we'll just watch the movie! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Hey-Ooh, cool sheets! [Ross Geller] Oh, you like it? You wanna know where I got it? [Phoebe Buffay] Sure! [Rachel Green] He got it a flea market! [Phoebe Buffay] You bought your sheets at a flea market? Ross come on, you gotta loosen the purse strings a little. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hi! [Monica Geller] The dinner will be ready in twenty minutes. This is so exciting. [Chandler Bing] And here is the bottle of wine for you to bring over tonight. You were also going to buy Monica flowers but you couldn't afford it, because you paid dinner last night. [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks. Thanks, but uh actually it's just gonna be me again tonight. [Monica Geller] What happened to Janine? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, she's uh-uh really sick. [Chandler Bing] Oh that's too bad. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, she's been in there all day , uh high fever, a nose problem... Phlegm! Phlegm! Phlegm-phlegm-phlegm! [Janine Lecroix] Monica! Chandler! I'm really-really sorry about tonight. I don't know if Joey told you; I just couldn't get out of going to this play. I'm sorry. Have a great time. [Joey Tribbiani] 'Kay! [Janine Lecroix] Bye. [Chandler Bing] That's funny, I saw no phlegm. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] No-no, she really is sick! [Chandler Bing] Then why-why is she going to a play?! [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, y'know, starve a fever, go to a play for a cold. [Monica Geller] Joey! Why is Janine not coming over for dinner?! [Joey Tribbiani] Well uh, she didn't want to hang out with you guys two nights in a row. I'm so sorry. [Chandler Bing] Well, why does she not want to hang out with us?! [Joey Tribbiani] Because she uh, she-she thinks that you are blah and that you, Monica, are too loud. [Monica Geller] What?!! What? [Chandler Bing] So she was just pretending to have a good time last night? She was lying to our faces?! [Monica Geller] Ugh, I can not believe this! I mean, who is she to judge us? We could not have been nicer to her! [Chandler Bing] And I am not blah, I am a hoot! [Joey Tribbiani] I know! I know! Come on, please-please you guys, don't-don't be mad. I'm sure she just, she just said that stuff because she was nervous and you guys are like my best friends! Y'know? And it was our first date! Plus, she's really sick! [Chandler Bing] No, you sh-No you said you made that up!! [Joey Tribbiani] I know, but don't you think the sick thing is way better than the play thing? [Chandler Bing] Eh, they're both good. I generally just go with, Monica's drunk again. [Joey Tribbiani] Come on you guys, come on please-please just give her another chance, huh? She'll come around I promise. [Monica Geller] Of course we will, come on we gotta make dinner. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] I do not like that woman! [Joey Tribbiani] I can hear you! [Monica Geller] I am loud! --------------------------------------- [#ALL#] Aww! [Rachel Green] That's funny. [Ross Geller] Hey Pheebs, could you please not put your feet up on my new......old sheet? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh sure! Noo! [Rachel Green] Ohh!! [Ross Geller] My apothecary table!!! [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Rachel Green] Noooooo!! [Phoebe Buffay] Ross, where did you get this?! [Ross Geller] I got it at Pottery Barn!! Okay?! [Rachel Green] Oh my God, Phoebe, Pottery Barn has ripped off the design of our antique! [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! Oh my God, well if they've ripped off our table ours must be much more than one and fifty dollars! [Rachel Green] Oh yes. [Phoebe Buffay] Well this doesn't even smell like opium. [Ross Geller] Of course not, it smells like wine, which you spilled! And thanks for wrecking my sheet by the way. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh Ross, calm down, I'll give you the 80 cents. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Okay, one more time. [Monica Geller] Chandler, would you like some more orange juice? [Chandler Bing] Perfect decibel. [Monica Geller] I know!!! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] So uh, what are you guys doing? [Chandler Bing] Oh nothing, we're just talking. Y'know, blah-blah-blah. [Joey Tribbiani] Look, come on you guys, you said you were gonna try! All right look, I came over here to invite you guys to a movie with me and Janine. [Monica Geller] Well, I'd like to but, I'm not sure we have time to go. [Joey Tribbiani] Ha-ha, very funny-Look! I don't know what to do! I really want you guys to get along. Just please come to the movie with us. I mean you owe me! [Monica Geller] We owe you?! [Joey Tribbiani] That's right! I helped you guys out a lot in the start of your relationship. Huh? I helped you guys sneak around for like six months, and I looked like an idiot! And I was humiliated. And I only made 200 dollars! [Monica Geller] We didn't give you any money! [Joey Tribbiani] You don't think I know that! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] ...see I can't decide whether it would go better next to the new wicker dining chair, the Sahara desk, or the Parker console table. [Ross Geller] Wow! I didn't know that there was a Pottery Barn up here. [Rachel Green] I know, I know. I went a little crazy. [Ross Geller] A little? Your place looks like page 72 of the catalogue. Oh look at that! The ornamental bird cage! Large! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh Ross no. Be careful, that is very old! Okay? Early Colonial bird merchants used to bring their birds to market in that. [Ross Geller] Fascinating. [Phoebe Buffay] Another amazing find! Wow! Oh I bet this has a great story too! [Rachel Green] Oh it does, it does! It is a room separating apparatus from Colonial times. [Phoebe Buffay] Ah! [Ross Geller] Hmm, a lot of this stuff is from Colonial times. Hey, what are some other time periods Rachel? [Rachel Green] Well there's yore. And uh, y'know, yesteryear. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah no, I'm telling you Rachel has such a great eye for this stuff. Ross, y'know if you ever decide you need to redecorate-And I think that you should. You should, you should ask Rachel to help. [Rachel Green] Oh honey he doesn't need my help. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, come on! I think he's ready to get rid of, what did you call it? The cheap knock-offs and dinosaur junk. [Ross Geller] Really?! Hey, y'know what? Since you have such a great sense of what I need, uh ooh, here's-here's 60 bucks, why don't you take Phoebe down to that Colonial flea market of yours and get me some stuff. [Rachel Green] Y'know what? I don't, I don't think Phoebe really wants to come. [Phoebe Buffay] No! I do want to! [Rachel Green] Oh, she does want to. [Ross Geller] She does want to. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Pheebs, I don't know what to say. I guess the flea market was just better last time. [Phoebe Buffay] Well at least I got these sheets for Ross. [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] Uck, look at this! Pottery Barn, yuck! [Rachel Green] Yeah, y'know what? Don't look at it. Seriously, don't look at it. [Phoebe Buffay] No! Look-look! There's the coffee table they stole from us! [Rachel Green] Ugh, those bastards! Let's go. [Phoebe Buffay] That fan kinda looks like ours. And the birdcage and the...wait a sec! This is our exact living room! [Rachel Green] No! No! No! No it's not! No it's not! Come on! Phoebe, ours is totally different! I mean we don't have the... We don't have the...that lamp! And-and that screen is y'know, on the other side. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God. This is where you got all our stuff, Pottery Barn! Oh my God! [Rachel Green] Okay! Okay-okay look-no I did, I just wanted this stuff and I know how you feel about Pottery Barn. Just... Come on don't be mad. [Phoebe Buffay] No-no-no, but I am mad! I am mad! Because this stuff is everything that is wrong with the world! And it's all sitting up in my living room and all I can think about is how I don't have that lamp! [Rachel Green] Well then honey, buy the lamp! Hey, we have that 60 bucks from Ross. [Phoebe Buffay] I can't! I can't! Unless... Well are you saying that-that you would move out if-if I didn't buy that lamp? [Rachel Green] What?! No! I'm not gonna move out! [Phoebe Buffay] But are you saying that you would move out if I didn't buy that lamp? [Rachel Green] Oh. Yes! I would so move out! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay then I don't have a choice! I have to buy that lamp! [Rachel Green] That's right! [Phoebe Buffay] But at least the apothecary table is real. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Well, this-this-this was great. Didn't everybody have a great time? [Janine Lecroix] Well I did. I really did. And you guys, I've got to say, I'm sorry if I was a little weird after the last time we went out. I guess I was just nervous or something. [Chandler Bing] That's totally understandable. [Monica Geller] Don't worry about it. [Janine Lecroix] So we can go out again? [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah! [Monica Geller] Absolutely! [Janine Lecroix] Oh good. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh well then, good night! [Monica Geller] Good night! [Joey Tribbiani] See? Eh, wasn't that fun? [Janine Lecroix] We have got to move! [Monica Geller] I knew it!! Y'know, you're not so quiet yourself, missy! [Chandler Bing] And I'm blah? Listen, the only thing more boring than watching modern dance is having to listen to you talk about it, "Oh Chandler, I just lost myself in the moment." [Janine Lecroix] Y'know, I know you're talking, but all I hear is, "Blah. Blah. Blah-blah-blah." [Monica Geller] All right! You and me! Let's go! Right now! [Joey Tribbiani] All right! All right! Enough! Enough! Enough!! Enough! You two go home! I-I-I gotta talk to Janine! [Chandler Bing] Y'know I think you can take her. [Monica Geller] You'd better hope I don't see you in the hallway!! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, uh, we've got a little bit of a problem here. These people are my friends; you can't treat them that way. [Janine Lecroix] They said stuff to me too, y'know! [Joey Tribbiani] I know! I know! And I'm going to talk to them about it. They mean so much to me. They... They're like my family. If you guys are gonna be fighting all the time, I-I... I don't think we can be together. It just, it just can't work. It can't. I'm very upset. [Janine Lecroix] Okay. Okay. Would, would it help if I went over and apologized? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Yeah! That would be very helpful! Yeah. [Monica Geller] What did I tell you about the hall?! [Janine Lecroix] I was just coming over here to apologize for my behavior! I'd really like it if we could be friends. [Monica Geller] Well, I know that would make Joey happy, so, I would like that too. [Janine Lecroix] Great. [Monica Geller] Now come on. Well, I'm glad we worked things out. [Janine Lecroix] Me too. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Janine Lecroix] I'll see you. [Monica Geller] Bye. [Janine Lecroix] Or I'll hear you. [Monica Geller] That's it big girl! Come on! [Janine Lecroix] Wait! [Monica Geller] You'd better run! [Chandler Bing] Did you hear that? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah uh, what am I gonna do? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I'm sorry man. You wanna go watch? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] How ya doin'? [Chandler Bing] Hey so, did uh, did she move out? [Joey Tribbiani] Pretty much, yeah. [Monica Geller] I cannot believe you broke up with her just like that. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, when it's not right, you know it. [Chandler Bing] You okay? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Yeah. I'll be all right. [Ross Geller] Y'know what would cheer you up? [Joey Tribbiani] What? [Ross Geller] I'm giving this lecture on erosion theories tomorrow night, I think you should come. [Joey Tribbiani] You're right! That did cheer me up!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e11", "title": "The One With The Apothecary Table"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Joke [Ross Geller] Hey, you're not going to believe this. I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it! [Phoebe Buffay] I didn't know Playboy prints jokes. [Ross Geller] Yeah, they print jokes, interviews, hard-hitting journalism. It's not just about the pictures. [Monica Geller] That didn't work on mom, it's not going to work on us. [Ross Geller] Here, check it out. It's the first one, too. [Chandler Bing] That is funny. It was also funny when I made it up. [Ross Geller] What? [Chandler Bing] I made that joke up. [Ross Geller] Uh, oh-oh, no you didn't. I did. [Chandler Bing] Yes, I did. I told it to Dan at work, and he said it was the funniest joke he'd ever heard. [Ross Geller] Hey, tell Dan, 'Thanks.' [Ross Geller] What? [Rachel Green] I'm sorry, I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny. [Chandler Bing] Monica, you remember me telling you that joke, right? [Monica Geller] No. [Chandler Bing] Seriously? [Monica Geller] Well, you tell a lot of jokes! [Ross Geller] Look, Chandler, it's my joke. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better they don't print the name, so it doesn't really matter who gets credit, right? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I guess. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey guys. [Chandler Bing] Hey, Joey, Playboy printed my joke. [Ross Geller] No, it's my joke, it's mine. You can call them, they'll tell you. [Chandler Bing] It's my joke. [Ross Geller] It's my joke. [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa-whoa-whoa. Jokes? You guys know they have naked chicks in there, right? --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Dude, you have got to turn on Behind the Music. The band Heart is having a really tough time, and I think they may break up. [Joey Tribbiani] Let's go watch it at your place. [Chandler Bing] Nah, Monica's watching some cooking show. Come on, I don't want to miss when they were skinny. [Joey Tribbiani] Chandler, Chandler, y'know what we should do? You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses. [Chandler Bing] What? No, I want to watch this. . Did your cable go out? [Joey Tribbiani] No, that's VH-1. I gotta tell you, the music these kids listen to today . . . It's like a lotta noise to me. I don't know... [Chandler Bing] Joey, why is your cable out? [Joey Tribbiani] I uh, oh! Because, uh, I haven't really paid the bill [Chandler Bing] If you need money, will you please-please just let me loan you some money? [Joey Tribbiani] No, Chandler. Look, forget about it, okay? Look, I know things have been a little tight since Janine moved out. Oh, was she hot. [Chandler Bing] Whoa ho. [Joey Tribbiani] I know! Yeah, but, look I can handle it. All right? Look, I can listen to the radio, huh? And Ross gave me this great book . [Chandler Bing] All right, you want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place? [Joey Tribbiani] Sure. [Chandler Bing] Paid your phone bill? [Joey Tribbiani] Not so much. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. [Monica Geller] It's only you. [Phoebe Buffay] Wh-wh-what are you doing? [Rachel Green] We are looking at a Playboy. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I want to look too! . Yikes! [Monica Geller] So do you think that these pictures-Are, are they trying to tell a story? [Rachel Green] Oh, yeah, sure. I mean, like in the case of this young woman, she has lost her clothes, so she rides naked on the horse, she's crying out, 'Where are they, where are they?' [Monica Geller] Well, she's not going to find them lying in the grass like that. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, yeah. Aw, remember the days when you used to go out to the barn, lift up your shirt, and bend over? [Monica Geller] Yeah. [Rachel Green] You see, now, I would date this girl. She's cute, she's outdoorsy, you know, and she knows how to build a fire. I mean, that's got to come in handy [Monica Geller] Okay, I've got a question. If you had to pick one of us to date, who would it be? [Rachel Green] I don't know. [Monica Geller] Me neither. [Phoebe Buffay] Rachel. [Monica Geller] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] I don't know. Me neither. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] You forget how many great songs Heart had. [Chandler Bing] Yeah. [Ross Geller] You know, Barracuda was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard. [Chandler Bing] So, you heard it, you repeated it, so that must mean you wrote it. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, you guys, with this joke. I gotta say, I know I cracked up, but I'm not even sure I got it. [Ross Geller] What, you didn't get it? The doctor is a monkey. [Chandler Bing] And monkeys can't write out prescriptions. [Chandler Bing] You are not allowed to laugh at my joke. [Ross Geller] Your joke? Well, I think 'the Hef' would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars. [Chandler Bing] So, you stole my joke, and you stole my money. [Ross Geller] Well, I was going to stick it in the ATM, but now I think I'll show the sexy teller that I am a published writer. [Chandler Bing] Well, she is going to know that you stole the joke. [Ross Geller] Oh, what are you going to do, follow me down there? [Chandler Bing] Yeah! [Ross Geller] Well, I'm not going to go now anyway . [Chandler Bing] Okay . [Gunther] Here you go. [Joey Tribbiani] Ah, Gunther, I can't pay for this right now because I'm not working, so I've had to cut down on some luxuries like uh, payin' for stuff. [Gunther] Well, if you want, you can work here. [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, I don't know. Ya see, it's just, see I was a regular on a soap opera y'know? And to go from that to this, I just... Plus, I'd have to wait on all my friends. [Gunther] Okay, but the money's good, plus you get to stare at Rachel as much as you want. [Joey Tribbiani] What?! [Gunther] Flexible hours. [Joey Tribbiani] Maybe I could be a waiter. Could I use the phone? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] She picked Rachel. I mean, she tried to back out of it, but it was obvious. She picked Rachel. [Chandler Bing] He took my joke, he took it. [Monica Geller] It's wrong. You know what else is wrong? Phoebe picking Rachel. [Chandler Bing] You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? I'm going to get a joke journal. Y'know? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes. [Monica Geller] That's a good idea. [Chandler Bing] Yeah! [Monica Geller] Do you know what's a bad idea? [Chandler Bing] Picking Rachel. [Monica Geller] That's right. Did you hear something? [Chandler Bing] Maybe it's the sound of Ross climbing into my brain and stealing my thoughts. [Monica Geller] It's coming from the living room. [Joey Tribbiani] I finished my book. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey, you guys. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. [Monica Geller] Oh, don't you guys look cute. You guys make such a cute couple. [Rachel Green] Monica, what are you doing? [Monica Geller] Nothing, I'm just trying to recreate some of the fun that we had at my place the other day. Remember, when you picked Rachel over me? That was funny. [Phoebe Buffay] I guess it was kinda funny. [Monica Geller] It wasn't funny at all! Why would you do that? Why didn't you pick me? [Phoebe Buffay] Fine. The reason that I was leaning a little bit more toward Rachel than you is just that you're ... just ... kinda high maintenance-Okay let's go to lunch! [Monica Geller] That is completely untrue. You think I'm high maintenance? Okay, prove it. I want you to make a list and we're going to go through it point by point! [Phoebe Buffay] No, okay, you're right. You're easy-going. You're just not as easy-going as Rachel. She's just more flexible and-and mellow. That's all. [Rachel Green] Well, people are different. [Phoebe Buffay] Ya, you know, Rachel ... she'll do whatever you want. Y'know, you can just walk all over her. [Rachel Green] What? Wait a minute. What are you saying, that I'm a pushover? I'm not a pushover. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, okay, you're not a pushover. [Rachel Green] Oh my ... you think I'm a pushover. Well wait, watch this, you know what? You're not invited to lunch. What do you think of that? I think that's pretty strong, that's what I think. Come on, Monica, let's go to lunch. [Monica Geller] You start working on that list. [Rachel Green] I cannot believe her. [Monica Geller] I know. Where do you wanna go eat? [Rachel Green] Oh, oh, I love that Japanese place. [Monica Geller] I'm sick of Japanese. We're not going there. [Rachel Green] All right, wherever you wanna go is cool. [Monica Geller] All right. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Oh, hey, Gunther, check this out. [Gunther] Yeah, that-that Chandler cracks me up. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Ross, listen, you want anything to drink, 'cause I'm heading up there. [Ross Geller] Uh, yeah, I'll take a coffee. Thanks, man. [Joey Tribbiani] Sure. Coffee? 'Cause I'm going up there. [Rachel Green] No. [Monica Geller] No, thank you. [Joey Tribbiani] You guys need anything, 'cause I'm heading up there. [Woman] I'd love an ice water. [Joey Tribbiani] You got it. [Monica Geller] Joey, what are you doing? [Joey Tribbiani] Just being friendly. [Rachel Green] Joey, honey, I don't think you're supposed to go back there. [Joey Tribbiani] Nah, it's okay. Right, Gunther? [Gunther] Don't wink at me. And put on your apron. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, but I don't see you asking any other paying customers to put on aprons. [Monica Geller] Joey, do you work here? [Joey Tribbiani] No. [Customer] Hey, waiter. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Joey, what's going on. What didn't you tell us you work here? [Joey Tribbiani] It's kind of embarrassing, y'know. I mean, I was an actor and now I'm a waiter. It's supposed to go in the other direction. [Chandler Bing] So is your apron. You're wearing it like a cape. [Joey Tribbiani] I mean, the job's easy and the money's good, you know? I guess I'm going to be hanging out here anyway. I might as well get paid for it, right? I just feel kind of weird serving you guys. [Rachel Green] Come on, Joey, I did it and it was fine. [Ross Geller] Yeah, why would it be weird? Hey, Joey, can I get some coffee? [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, I guess it doesn't seem that weird. [Ross Geller] Seriously, I-I asked you before and you still haven't gotten it. [Joey Tribbiani] See, now it's weird again. [Chandler Bing] I Think It's Great That You Work Here. You'Re Going To Make A Lot Of Money, And Here's Your First Tip. Don't eat yellow snow. . Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse. [Rachel Green] Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. A smile goes a long way. And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin. [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks, Rach. Look, you guys are just terrific. Y'know? Now, how about clearing out of here so I can get some new customers. It's all about turnover. [Ross Geller] Joey, seriously, can I get my coffee? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I'm sorry, Ross. I'll get it for you right now. And since I made you wait, I'll toss in a free muffin. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Phoebe. We would like to talk to you for a second. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Monica Geller] So, maybe I am a little high maintenance. And maybe Rachel is a little bit of a pushover. But you know what we decided you are? [Rachel Green] Yes, we are very sorry to tell you this, but you, Phoebe, are flaky. [Monica Geller] Hah! [Phoebe Buffay] That true, I am flaky. [Rachel Green] So, what, you're just, you're just okay with being flaky? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, totally. [Monica Geller] Well, then, I'm okay with being high maintenance. [Rachel Green] Yeah, and I am okay with being a pushover. [Phoebe Buffay] That's great. Good for you guys. [Monica Geller] I am not high maintenance! [Rachel Green] I am not a pushover! [Phoebe Buffay] Who said you were? [Monica Geller] You did! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I'm flaky. I'll say anything. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, Gunther. Can you uh, can you cover for me? I just got an audition. [Gunther] No, I'm leaving to get my hair dyed. [Joey Tribbiani] Really?! I like your natural color. Come on man, it's a great part. Look, check it out. I'm the lead guy's best friend and I wait for him in this bar and save his seat. Listen-listen. 'I'm sorry, that seat's saved.' [Gunther] That's the whole part? [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, maybe he's not his best friend, but ... [Gunther] Okay, I'll see you in an hour. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, man, I could totally get that part. 'I'm sorry, that seat is taken.' [Patron] Oh, excuse me. [Joey Tribbiani] No, no, I didn't mean you. But, you believed me, huh? [Patron] I believed you were saving this seat for someone. [Joey Tribbiani] So, you'd hire me, right? [Patron] For what? [Joey Tribbiani] Exactly! All right, everybody, listen up. The coffeehouse is going to be closed for about an hour. [Customers] Huh? What? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, it's for the kids. To keep the kids off drugs. It's a very important issue in this month's Playboy. I'm sure you all read about it. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] It's my joke. [Chandler Bing] It's my joke. [Chandler Bing] It's my joke. [Ross Geller] Y'know, I don't think we're going to settle this. [Chandler Bing] Let's have Monica decide. [Ross Geller] Yeah! [Chandler Bing] Yeah! [Ross Geller] Hey Mon. [Chandler Bing] Mon, get out here! [Ross Geller] Monica! [Chandler Bing] Okay, okay. You have to help us decide whose joke this is. [Monica Geller] Why do I have to decide? [Chandler Bing] Because you're the only one that can be fair. [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Monica Geller] I can't be fair. You're my boyfriend. [Ross Geller] Yeah, but I'm your brother. We're family. That's the most important thing in the world. [Chandler Bing] Don't try to sway her. I'm your only chance to have a baby. Okay, let's go. [Ross Geller] We'll each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truth-me. [Monica Geller] Okay, Chandler, you go first. [Chandler Bing] Okay, I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve. [Monica Geller] Oh, wait, is he the guy I met at Christmas? [Chandler Bing] Can I finish my story?! [Monica Geller] Do you want me to pick you?! [Ross Geller] See, I would never snap at you like that. [Monica Geller] Continue. [Chandler Bing] So Steve said he had to go to the doctor. And Steve's doctor's name is Doctor Muppy. So I said, 'Doctor Monkey?' And that is how the whole Doctor Monkey thing came up. [Ross Geller] Are you kidding? Okay, look. I-I studied evolution. Remember, evolution? Monkey into man? Plus, I'm a doctor, and I had a monkey. I'm Doctor Monkey! [Chandler Bing] I'm not arguing with that. [Monica Geller] All right, I've heard enough. I've made my decision. [Monica Geller] You are both idiots. The joke is not funny, and it's offensive to women, and doctors, and monkeys! You shouldn't be arguing over who gets credit, you should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world! Now let it go! The joke sucks! [Ross Geller] It's your joke. [Chandler Bing] Is not. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hi, Chandler. There you are. [Chandler Bing] Hi, oh hi. [Monica Geller] Hey, it's Phoebe and Rachel. Um, why don't you tell them what you were telling me earlier about me not being high maintenance? [Chandler Bing] Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. Being with her has been like being on a vacation. And what may be perceived as high maintenance is merely attention to detail and--generosity of spirit. [Rachel Green] Wow, you know what? That is the best fake speech I think I've ever heard. [Phoebe Buffay] Really? I've heard better. [Monica Geller] Wait, wait, he came up with that himself. Tell them, Chandler. [Chandler Bing] I'm out of words. Should I just say the whole thing again? [Monica Geller] Look, I am not high maintenance. I am not. Chandler! [Chandler Bing] You're a little high maintenance. [Monica Geller] Ahhh! You are on my list. [Chandler Bing] I'm sorry. You're not easy-going, but you're passionate, and that's good. And when you get upset about the little things, I think that I'm pretty good about making you feel better about that. And that's good too. So, they can say that you're high maintenance, but it's okay, because I like ... maintaining you. [Monica Geller] I didn't even tell him to say that. . All right you're off my list. [Chandler Bing] I'm off the list. [Monica Geller] Phoebe, it's okay that you don't want me to be your girlfriend because I have the best boyfriend. [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know, suddenly I find you very attractive. [Chandler Bing] Hey, buddy boy, how'd the audition go? [Joey Tribbiani] Not good, no. I didn't get the part, and I lost my job here, so ... [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! That is a bad audition. [Rachel Green] How-how did you lose your job here? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I had the audition but Gunther said I had to stay here and be in charge so he could go get his hair dyed. So, I went anyway, and then he fired me. [Rachel Green] He left work in the middle of the day to do a personal errand and left you in charge when you've been working here two days? That's not, that's not right. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, what are ya gonna do? [Rachel Green] Joey, you can't let him get away with that. Ya know what, I'm not going to let him get away with that. I'm going to say something to him-No, I really shouldn't say anything-No, I should say something to him. Gunther, I want you to give Joey his job back. That is really not fair that you have to fire him... [Gunther] Okay. [Rachel Green] What? [Gunther] He can have his job back. [Rachel Green] That's right, he can have his job back. I'm glad we got that all straightened out. There you go, Joey, you got your job back. [Joey Tribbiani] That's great. Thanks Rach. [Rachel Green] Yeah, pretty nice, huh? Now who's a pushover? [Phoebe Buffay] Rach, you're in my seat. [Rachel Green] Oh, I'm sorry. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, I never got to hear who you guys would pick to be your girlfriend. [Monica Geller] I pick you, Phoebe. [Rachel Green] Oh, yeah. Definitely you, Pheebs. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, well, I kinda thought. [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Rachel Green] Hey. Oh, I have a question. If-if-if one of you had to pick one of the other two guys to go out with, who would you pick? [Ross Geller] No way. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm not answering that. [Chandler Bing] Joey! No way. I'm not answering that.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e12", "title": "The One With The Joke"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Rachel's Sister [Joey Tribbiani] Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together that's $12.75. [Chandler Bing] This coming from the man who couldn't split our 80 dollar phone bill in half. [Woman] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Hi! [Woman] How much do I owe you for the muffin and the latte? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh that's on the house courtesy of Joey Tribbiani. [Woman] Oh great! Well, tell him thanks. And since uh, Joey seems like such a nice guy, maybe we could go on a date sometime? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, he's not used to women being so forward with him; but uh, I good check with him-He says it's okay. Great! Thanks! Bye-bye! [Ross Geller] Hey Joey, how come our stuff isn't free? [Joey Tribbiani] It will be when you look like that in a tight skirt! This is great! I'm getting more dates than ever! [Rachel Green] Wait a minute, you're only giving free stuff away to the pretty girls? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah Joey that is so gross! [Joey Tribbiani] How about a scone on the house baby? [Phoebe Buffay] I'm pretty. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey does anyone have any gum? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh I do! Oh, y'know what? No. Wait a second. I know it's in here somewhere. [Ross Geller] Y'know what? I'm good! I'm good! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work? [Monica Geller] Ugh, they sent me home. They said I can't work if I'm sick. [#ALL#] Ohh! [Chandler Bing] I'm so sorry you're sick. [Monica Geller] I'm not sick!! I don't get sick! Getting sick is for weaklings and for pansies! [Rachel Green] Honey, no one thinks you're a pansy, but we do think you need a tissue. [Monica Geller] I have not been sick in over three years! [Chandler Bing] I'm gonna grab you some tissue. [Monica Geller] I don't need a tissue! I'm fine-d! [Ross Geller] When you put a 'D' at the end of 'Fine' you're not fine. [Monica Geller] I'm fine-d. I'm fine-d! Y'know, it's a really hard word to say. [Chandler Bing] Yes? [Woman] Hi, is Rachel here? I'm her sister. [Rachel Green] Oh my God, Jill! [Jill Green] Oh my God, Rachel! [Chandler Bing] Oh my God, introduce us! [Rachel Green] This is Chandler. [Jill Green] Hi! [Rachel Green] And you know Monica and Ross! [Ross Geller] Hi Jill. [Rachel Green] And that's Phoebe , and that's Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, how you doin'? [Rachel Green] Don't!! Honey, what are you doing here?! [Phoebe Buffay] Which-which sister is this? Is this the spoiled one or that's bitter? [Jill Green] Daddy cut me off. [Phoebe Buffay] Never mind, I got it. [Jill Green] And y'know what I said to him? "I'm gonna hire a lawyer and I'm gonna sue you and take all your money. Then I'm gonna cut you off!" [Rachel Green] Wow! What did he say? [Jill Green] That he wouldn't pay for my lawyer! Then he told me to come here and learn about the value of money from the one daughter he's actually proud off. [Rachel Green] Oh! Did you hear that?! My dad's proud of me! My dad's proud of me. [Monica Geller] Rach? [Rachel Green] Oh yeah, sorry. Wait honey, so what did you do that made dad cut you off? [Jill Green] Okay, I bought a boat. [Monica Geller] You bought a boat? [Jill Green] Yeah but it wasn't for me, it was for a friend. [Chandler Bing] Boy did we make friends with the wrong sister! [Rachel Green] Jill, honey, I think this is the best thing that could've ever happened to you. I mean you needed to get out on your own anyway! And you know when I did it, I-I-I at first I was scared, and look at me now! I'm the only daughter dad is proud of! Okay, well this is, this is what you're gonna do. You're gonna get a job, you're gonna get an apartment, and then I'll help you and you can stay with us. Right Pheebs, she can stay with us? [Phoebe Buffay] Of course, yeah! [Jill Green] Oh, that's so great! Okay, I'm really gonna do this! I don't know how to thank you guys. [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, I like cards. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Are you all finished here? [Customer] Yes. [Joey Tribbiani] Great! [Gunther] Okay, here are the tips for this morning. Jen gets 50, 50 for me, and Joey owes eight dollars. [Joey Tribbiani] What?! [Gunther] For all the free food you gave away. [Joey Tribbiani] Well if it's free food, how come you're charging me for it? [Gunther] We don't give anything away unless it's someone's birthday. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, what if they came in third in a modeling contest? [Gunther] No! [Joey Tribbiani] Sorry! [Jill Green] I just had the hardest day. Those bags are so heavy. [Ross Geller] Jill, how did you pay for all this? I thought your dad took away your credit card. [Jill Green] Oh please, I memorized those numbers when I was 15. But look at all the cool make-it-on-my-own stuff I got! This is my "Please, hire me" sweater. And these are my, "Don't you want to rent me this apartment?" pants. [Ross Geller] I don't think charging new clothes too your dad qualifies as making it on your own. [Jill Green] Oh, Mr. Scientist has to get all technical! [Phoebe Buffay] Seriously, I don't Rachel's gonna think it's a good idea. [Jill Green] So who made her queen of the world? [Phoebe Buffay] I would love that job! [Rachel Green] Hey! What's goin' on? [Jill Green] Hey! [Rachel Green] Jill! Did you shop?! [Jill Green] No! They did! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, we went shopping! [Rachel Green] You went shopping?! What, and then you just came in here and paraded it right under Jill's nose when you know she's trying to quit. Wow, you guys are terrible! [Phoebe Buffay] Sorry Jill. [Ross Geller] Sorry-sorry Jill. [Rachel Green] What'd you get? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh well, all right, I got thank you, I got uh, this y'know "I want a job sweater." [Rachel Green] Oh. [Phoebe Buffay] And, and then I got uh, these are apartment pants. [Rachel Green] Apartment pants? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, you never heard of them? [Rachel Green] No, of course, of course I've heard of them! Ross, what did you get? [Ross Geller] Huh? Oh, I got this--this! [Rachel Green] A pajmena? [Ross Geller] Yeah! Oh, I-I love this babies! [Rachel Green] Really? [Ross Geller] Ross, wants a pajmena? [Ross Geller] It's a rug. [Rachel Green] Jill? [Jill Green] I'm sorry Rachel, I'm sorry... [Rachel Green] Oh, come on! You think that's gonna work on me?! I invented that! [Jill Green] Right! But, I am sorry. [Rachel Green] All right, it's okay. One little setback is okay, just don't let it happen again, all right? Now since daddy paid for all this stuff, I should take it all away. But I'm just gonna take the-the pajmena. And the uh, and the uh pants. Y'know what, I'm just gonna take it all away, 'cause that way you'll just really learn the lesson. Okay? All righty, I'm gonna run a couple of errands and I will see you at dinner. [Jill Green] She took all my stuff. [Ross Geller] Yeah. Everything but, the little blue one. [Jill Green] That's the best one! Oh my God, thank you so much! [Ross Geller] Well. Hey... [Jill Green] Oh my gosh, that was so lame. Like a pajmena could be a rug! [Ross Geller] Oh yeah, how about you and the, "I'm sorry!" [Jill Green] Shut up! I did not sound like that at all! [Phoebe Buffay] What about, what about when I said y'know about the apartment pants, how dumb was I? [Jill Green] Were you this cute in high school? [Ross Geller] Oh stop. [Jill Green] No you stop! [Ross Geller] No, you stop! [Jill Green] You stop! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay-okay, why don't I sit here and you'll both stop it! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Okay, so what do you, what do you want to do? Let's do something crazy! [Chandler Bing] I know, let's rest and drink lots of fluids. [Monica Geller] Okay, I'll rest. But y'know if I'm going to bed, then you're coming with me. [Chandler Bing] That would be impossible to resist if you weren't all drippy here. [Monica Geller] Are you saying that you don't wanna get with this? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I don't you should say that even when you're healthy. [Monica Geller] Come on. [Chandler Bing] Don't take this personally okay? It's just that I just can't have sex with a sick person. [Monica Geller] I'm with you Chandler! I mean I can't have sex with a sick person either, that's disgusting! But I'm not sick! Let me prove it to you. We are two healthy people in the pribe of libe. [Chandler Bing] That's the thing, see I would like to stay in the pribe of mwha-ah-libe. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. [Rachel Green] What's up?! [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, I think there's something you should maybe know. [Rachel Green] Well, it'd better not be about the apartment pants, because I just pitched the idea to my boss at Ralph Lauren and she loved it. [Phoebe Buffay] No. No. It's just I was umm, I was with Ross and Jill after you left and umm, I'm pretty sure I saw a little spark between them. [Rachel Green] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah I mean it's probably nothing, but I just wanted to warn you that there might be something there. [Rachel Green] With Ross and Jill? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! [Rachel Green] With Ross and my sister? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. [Rachel Green] With my sister Jill and my ex-boyfriend Ross? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Oh there is no way. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay then. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! I can not believe that! I mean I don't really like it when Ross goes out with anyone, but my sister isn't that like incest or something?! Oh my God, and they're gonna have sex! Oh! Oh no what if he marries her too?! Oh this is just terrible, this is just terrible. And I can't stop it! I can't-I don't own Ross! Y'know? And Jill, she should be able to do whatever it is that she wants to do! And oh my God, I can't believe Ross is marrying my little sister, this terrible. Oh my God, this is just the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. [Phoebe Buffay] But great news about the apartment pants, huh? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] That'll be $3.85. [Woman] What do you mean? Yesterday you said I was too pretty to pay for stuff! [Joey Tribbiani] It's just I can't because my manager said I... "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Annie... [Woman] Amy! [Joey Tribbiani] "...Amy! Happy birthday to you!" [A Male Customer] Hey, that's weird, today's my birthday too! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, not it here it isn't. [Jill Green] Sorry I'm late, what's up? [Rachel Green] Oh hi! Y'know, I just wanted to see if there were any leads on the old job front. [Jill Green] Oh no! But I just walked past three sales and I didn't go in. How strong am I? [Rachel Green] That is great. Hey, y'know who doesn't have to job hunt? Ross. He works at the university. [Jill Green] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Oh so you know that, you guys talked about that, so you get along, so you think you're gonna go out? [Jill Green] Me go out with Ross?! No! God no! What would make you think that? [Rachel Green] I just, Phoebe, said y'know thought she saw something between you guys. [Jill Green] No! I mean he's nice. [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Jill Green] He's the kind of guy you're friends with, y'know? But he's not the kind of guy you date. He's the kind of guy you'd date because you did. Me, not so much. [Rachel Green] Oh not-not so much. Umm, what-what do you, what do you mean is there something wrong with Ross? [Jill Green] Oh no-no-no, he's just I don't know, he's just a little bookish. [Rachel Green] Are-are you saying he's a geek? [Jill Green] You think so too? [Rachel Green] No! No I, no Ross is not a geek! [Jill Green] Fine, then let's just say he's not my type. [Rachel Green] What handsome is not your type? Smart? Kind? Good kisser? What those things aren't on your list? Ross is a great guy! You would be lucky to be with him! [Jill Green] Well okay, if it means that much to you, then I'll ask him out. [Rachel Green] Oh no-no-no, no-no-no, that's not what I meant. [Jill Green] No! Y'know what Rachel? You're right, y'know he has been really nice to me. [Rachel Green] Yeah but, he's not your type. [Jill Green] Yeah but maybe that's a good thing. Y'know I'm doing all these different sorts of things, and maybe I should try dating a geek too! [Rachel Green] Yeah but, you don't, you don't, you don't want to try to much too fast. Y'know? I mean, you do remember what happened to the little girl that tried to much too fast don't you? [Jill Green] What? [Rachel Green] She-she died Jill. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Chandler! [Chandler Bing] Oh what is it honey, you need some tea? Some soup? Oh-ohhhh! [Monica Geller] Calling Dr. Big, Dr. Big to the bed. [Chandler Bing] Oh Jeez honey, I thought, I thought you were asleep. [Monica Geller] How could I be asleep knowing that you were in the next room. [Chandler Bing] I was asleep. Oh no! No-no honey! Y'know what's sexy? Layers. Layers are sexy. And blankets are sexy. And oh! Hot water bottles are sexy. [Monica Geller] Come on, get into bed! I want to prove to you that I'm not sick! I wanna make you feel, as good as I feel. [Chandler Bing] Would you please get some rest! [Monica Geller] I'm fine. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] "Happy birthday to you!" [Gunther] You're paying for that. [Joey Tribbiani] What? No-no it's her birthday! [Gunther] You've sung Happy Birthday to 20 different women today! [Joey Tribbiani] But it really... [Gunther] You are no longer authorized to distribute birthday muffins. [Joey Tribbiani] Damnit! [Ross Geller] Rach? Hi! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Ross Geller] Did you tell your sister to ask me out? [Rachel Green] Well yeah... [Ross Geller] Oh wow! I mean, wow! I mean, I-I-I think she's cute but I-I would never have thought of going out with her, never! [Rachel Green] Really?! [Ross Geller] Yeah but after you said it was okay, I figured, "Why not?!" [Rachel Green] Oh so-so not really never. [Ross Geller] I have to say you are a much bigger person than I am. I mean after all we've been through, I just-y'know I wish I had a brother to reciprocate. Hey, if you ever want to go out with Monica, you have my blessing. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh-ho, and mine! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Chandler, I think I'm sick. [Chandler Bing] Really? Struck down in the pribe of libe! [Monica Geller] Okay, fine I admit it! I feel terrible! Would you please rub this on my chest? [Chandler Bing] No-no-no-no-no-no-no, you are not getting me this way. [Monica Geller] Come on! I really need your help! [Chandler Bing] No-no-no-no-no! [Monica Geller] Fine, I'll rub it on myself. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Chandler Bing] So you're just, kinda rubbing it on yourself? [Monica Geller] Yeah? [Chandler Bing] It's nice. [Monica Geller] Are you kidding me?! Is this; is this turning you on? [Chandler Bing] Yes! [Monica Geller] I can't believe it! What is it? Is it the rubbing or the smell? [Chandler Bing] It's all very, very good. So you wanna go uh, mix it up? [Monica Geller] Not now, I'm sick! [Chandler Bing] Oh come on you big faker! [Monica Geller] What happened to your rule about never sleeping with sick people? [Chandler Bing] Well that was before all the vaporizing action. [Monica Geller] Okay, if you really wanna have sex... [Chandler Bing] Okay! [Monica Geller] Worked like a charm. --------------------------------------- [Jill Green] Hi! [Rachel Green] Hi! Wh-what are you doing here? [Jill Green] This is where Ross and I are meeting for our date. So, what do you think? [Rachel Green] Well, I-I don't like it. [Jill Green] Really?! [Rachel Green] It's kinda slutty. [Jill Green] It's yours! [Rachel Green] Yeah well, I'm-I'm a slut. [Jill Green] Me too. [Ross Geller] Hi Jill! [Jill Green] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hi . [Rachel Green] Rachel. [Ross Geller] Rachel! Well, you-you're not at home, you're-you're-you're right here. [Rachel Green] Yeah I know, and I bet you thought it would be weird. But it's not! [Ross Geller] Okay. So well I'll umm, I'll have her home by midnight. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Why aren't you home yet?! [Monica Geller] Is someone there? [Rachel Green] Oh yes, it's me! Sorry! [Chandler Bing] What are you doing here? [Rachel Green] Uh, I'm just, I'm just looking out your window. At-at the view. What are you guys doing? [Chandler Bing] We got some Vap-O-Rub in some places. [Rachel Green] Oh, he brought her back to his apartment. [Monica Geller] Who? Is that your sister? [Rachel Green] Ugh, she is a slut! [Monica Geller] God, Ross is on a date with your sister! How weird is that?! [Rachel Green] Oh my God, look-look he's taking off her clothes! [Chandler Bing] He's taking off her coat! [Rachel Green] Oh, this is just terrible. [Monica Geller] Oh no it's not, no it's not. It's a first date. I'm sure that nothing is gonna... [Rachel Green] Oh. [Chandler Bing] Ho-oh, he's gonna get some! Of the glare from the streetlight out of his apartment. Y'know so umm, he's closed the drapes there so he can have a nice, pleasant conversation with your little sister. Well, I'm off to bed!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e13", "title": "The One With Rachel's Sister"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Chandler Can't Cry [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, uh, hey Rach. I uh, I was just coming over here to uh... Oh wait, I don't have to lie to you, you don't live here anymore. Uh, I'm eating their food. What are you doing? [Rachel Green] Ross is on a date with my sister and they shut the drapes two and a-half-hours ago. [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa, I didn't know we could date your sister! [Monica Geller] Joey we know you steal our food. [Chandler Bing] I'm good. [Monica Geller] Oh, are the drapes still closed hon? [Rachel Green] Yeah. And y'know who should've shut their drapes? Is that perverted old couple two doors over. [Chandler Bing] Is that a swing? [Rachel Green] Oh don't even ask! [Chandler Bing] Yuck! [Joey Tribbiani] I can't believe Ross went out with Rachel's sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years. [Chandler Bing] That was like 5 years ago. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah you got 5 years left! [Chandler Bing] Joey... [Joey Tribbiani] You wanna make it 6?! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh Ross, hi! Hey, how are ya? There you are! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] I'll take a coffee. So how was your big date last night? [Ross Geller] Uhh, it was okay. Yeah, it was fun. [Rachel Green] Yeah fun? Great! So uh, so did you guys hit it off? [Ross Geller] I guess so. [Rachel Green] So uh, so did anything happen? Because rumor has it you guys shut the drapes! [Ross Geller] No. No. Nothing happened. I shut the drapes to uh, show her slides of my favorite fossils. [Rachel Green] Oh, slides. So really nothing happened. [Ross Geller] Something could've happened. All right? She-she really dug my slides. And-and she was definitely giving me the vibe. [Rachel Green] Right. Was it the, "Please don't show me another picture of a trilobite vibe?" [Ross Geller] Anyway, if she, if she wasn't in to me, why-why would she ask me out again? [Rachel Green] She asked-asked you out again? [Ross Geller] Yeah-uh-huh. Tomorrow night, Valentine's Day, the most romantic day of the year. Who knows what could happen? I might not be shutting my drapes to show her my slides, if you know what I mean. [Rachel Green] Okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay! I got it! I got it! I got it! I can't! I can't! I can't! I cannot go with you and my sister thing. Okay? I just can't. It's just too weird, all right? I imagine the two of you together and I freak out. It freaks me out. I can't do it! I can't do it. [Ross Geller] Okay! Okay! Okay! It's okay. It's okay. Hey, it's too weird for you, I won't see her again. [Rachel Green] Thank you. I...yeah. [Ross Geller] I mean after tomorrow night. [Rachel Green] No-no-no! No-no-no! Please Ross, I can't! I can't do it! It's just gonna freak me out!!! [Ross Geller] Okay! Okay! Ooh-hey-hey-hey! Okay! Okay! Okay! I'll-I'll tell her tonight I can't see her anymore. [Rachel Green] Ross thanks. [Ross Geller] You want me to call her right now? [Rachel Green] Oh no! No! No-no-no-no! No, I mean come on that's-that's crazy-I mean that's crazy. So what's-what's going on with you? What is going on with you? [Ross Geller] Well umm, oh! I might be teaching another class this semester! [Rachel Green] Yeah do it now, call right now. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] This is my favorite part. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah me too. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh y'know what's sadder than this? Bambi. I cried for three days with that movie. No wait two! Because on the third day my mother killed herself so I was partly crying for that. [Chandler Bing] Well see now that I can see crying over, but Bambi is a cartoon! [Joey Tribbiani] You didn't cry when Bambi's mother died? [Chandler Bing] Yes it was very sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer! [Monica Geller] Chandler there's nothing wrong with crying! I mean you don't have to be so macho all the time. [Chandler Bing] I'm not macho. [Monica Geller] Yeah you're right. I don't know what I was thinking. [Chandler Bing] No, I guess I just never really cried. Y'know? I'm not a crying kind of guy. [Joey Tribbiani] Come on man there's gotta be something that gets you choked up! Like uh, uh oh, what if you saw a three-legged puppy? [Chandler Bing] I'd be sad sure, but I wouldn't cry. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, what if the puppy said, "Help me Chandler. All the other puppies pick on me." [Chandler Bing] Cry?! I just found a talking puppy, I'm rich! [Monica Geller] Oh, I've got it! I have got it! Pictures from your childhood. This will get you going good! [Phoebe Buffay] All right, what's going on there? [Chandler Bing] Oh, that's Parent's Day, first grade. That's me with the janitor Martin. [Monica Geller] Where were your parents? [Chandler Bing] Oh they didn't want to come! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh Chandler! [Monica Geller] Poor thing! [Phoebe Buffay] So that story doesn't make you cry? [Chandler Bing] No! Look, I don't cry! It's not a big deal! Okay?! [Joey Tribbiani] No! It's not okay! It's not okay at all!! You're dead inside!! --------------------------------------- [The Fan] Excuse me. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? [The Fan] Are you Phoebe Buffay? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. [The Fan] Can-can I get your autograph, I'm your biggest fan. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh you're my biggest fan? I've always wanted to meet you! Hi! Sure! Yeah! [The Fan] Wow! Wow, thanks a lot! I just wanna say, I think you're really talented. [Phoebe Buffay] You're just saying that because you're my biggest fan. Joey listen, take good care of that guy, okay? He's a fan. Bye! [Joey Tribbiani] So, you saw me on Days Of Our Lives huh? Want me to, want me to do a little Dr. Drake Remoray for ya? [The Fan] I have no idea what you're talking about. But I, but I just got Phoebe Buffay's autograph! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, you're Phoebe's fan! [The Fan] Oh yeah! I've seen all her movies. [Joey Tribbiani] Movies? [The Fan] That was Phoebe Buffay, the porn star. [Joey Tribbiani] I don't think so. [The Fan] No-no, it was! She was in Sex Toy Story 2, Lawrence of Alabia, and I got her autograph! The guys at the comic book store aren't gonna believe this! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Gunther, don't let that guy in here anymore! He just said Phoebe's a porn star! [Gunther] Well, I wouldn't call her a star, but she's really good. You should check out Inspecther Gadget. --------------------------------------- [Jill Green] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Jill Green] You'll never believe what just happened, Ross just totally blew me off and he didn't even tell me why! [Rachel Green] Ohhh well. Y'know what honey? The best thing to do to get over a guy is to start dating someone else. Oh! There is this great guy you will love at work named Bob! He's a real up-and-comer in Human Resources. [Jill Green] Y'know, thanks for trying to cheer me up, but I'm not gonna date some random guy from your work. [Rachel Green] It's not random, it's Bob. [Jill Green] It's probably because not mature enough. Or smart enough. Maybe he doesn't like the way I dress-No that can't be it. It's really gotta be the smart thing. Oh I'm so stupid! I'm just like this incredibly pretty stupid girl! [Rachel Green] No honey, okay, okay, you wanna know why Ross canceled the date? Because I asked him to. [Jill Green] You asked him too?! [Rachel Green] Hm-mmm. [Jill Green] Why?! [Rachel Green] Because you are my sister and Ross and I have this huge history... [Jill Green] I don't understand, do you want to go out with Ross? [Rachel Green] No. [Jill Green] You don't want him, but you don't want me to have him? [Rachel Green] Y'know Bob in Human Resources... [Jill Green] Ugh! I cannot believe you did this too me! You had me doubting how smart I was! You had me doubting my fashion sense! [Rachel Green] Look, this is not that big of a deal! You just don't date Ross! There's a million other guys out there, you just... [Jill Green] Hey! You have no right to tell me what to do. [Rachel Green] I'm not telling you what to do! I am telling you what not to do! [Jill Green] Why are you so jealous of me? [Rachel Green] Jill this is not about me being jealous of you! This is about you being a brat! Wanting what you can't have! [Jill Green] Can't have?! Excuse me, the only thing I can't have is dairy! [Rachel Green] All right, all right, well you just blew your chances at dating Bob! [Jill Green] Who?! [Rachel Green] In Human Resources!!!!!! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] ...I am jealous of her?! I mean who does she think she is?! Princess Caroline?! [Monica Geller] You're jealous of Princess Caroline? [Rachel Green] Do I have my own castle? [Ross Geller] Hey! Uh, Phoebe's not here is she? [Rachel Green] No. [Monica Geller] Oh great! Did you get a movie? [Joey Tribbiani] Uhhh, yeah. Yeah. But uh, I don't think it's the kind you're gonna like. [Chandler Bing] You didn't get more movies that are gonna have us reaching for the tissues all night did you? [Joey Tribbiani] Sort of... [Monica Geller] Guys, what's going on? [Joey Tribbiani] Phoebe's a porn star! [#ALL#] What?!! [Chandler Bing] Phoebe Buffay In Buffay The Vampire Layer. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! [Monica Geller] That's Phoebe! Where did you get that? [Joey Tribbiani] Well down at the adult video place down on Bleaker. [Ross Geller] And-and I, and I saw that Joey was about to go in, so I ran in ahead of him to-to surprise him and, and then I pretended I didn't know he was in there. [Rachel Green] Wow! I mean, I just-I can't, I can't believe this. Y'know, I mean you think you know someone even, even Phoebe who's always been somewhat of a question mark. [Monica Geller] This is so bizarre. I guess it kinda makes sense though, y'know she had such a terrible childhood. [Chandler Bing] Hey, I had a terrible childhood and I don't do porn. [Monica Geller] Yes, but you are dead inside. [Joey Tribbiani] All right well, I'd better take that back. [Monica Geller] Wh-what, why? [Joey Tribbiani] We can't watch that! I mean that's Phoebe! [Monica Geller] Yeah you're right, we can't-we shouldn't watch this. [Rachel Green] Absolutely not. [Monica Geller] Y'know maybe a little bit! [Rachel Green] Probably just the first half. [Joey Tribbiani] No! Hey no! This is wrong you guys! Phoebe's our friend! Well, I'm not gonna watch it! [Ross Geller] Yeah! Good for you Joe! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Buffay] Ah, I thought I'd find you here, Nasforatool. [The Vampire] Buffay, are you going to plunge your stake into my dark places? [Buffay] Actually, I was kinda hoping it would be the other way around. [Monica Geller] Hold on a second! What is that on her ankle? [Chandler Bing] Her ankle is what you're watching? [Rachel Green] Well it's hard to tell... Oh God, if she would just stop moving. [Chandler Bing] She's just doing her job! [Joey Tribbiani] You sick bastards! [Rachel Green] Oh, it's a tattoo! That's weird, Phoebe doesn't... Wait that's Ursula! That's not Phoebe that is Ursula! [Joey Tribbiani] Re! Re! Then I can watch that! Rewind it! Rewind it! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! What's up? Oh my God! What am I doing?!! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey sweetie! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Monica Geller] Chicken Soup for the Soul? [Chandler Bing] There's no back to this couch! [Monica Geller] Why are you reading this? You hate this kind of stuff. [Chandler Bing] Yeah I know, but I figured a shot y'know? Maybe one of those stories would make me cry and then you wouldn't think I was y'know, all dead inside. [Monica Geller] Oh that's so sweet! Look Chandler I don't care if you can't cry, I love you. [Chandler Bing] Oh that makes me feel so warm in my hollow tin chest. [Monica Geller] Stop it! [Chandler Bing] No, I mean, come on, seriously think about it, we get married, we're up at the altar and I'm like this. [Monica Geller] I won't care, because I know you will be feeling it all in here. [Chandler Bing] Yeah? [Monica Geller] Yeah! And if, and if we have a baby one-day, and the doctor hands it to you in the delivery room and you don't cry, so what! And-and-and, and if we take him to college and come home and see his empty room for the first time, and you got nothing, it won't matter to me. [Chandler Bing] Okay, well I won't uh, worry about this anymore then. [Monica Geller] And-and-and if I die, from a long illness. And you're writing out my eulogy and you open a desk drawer and you find a note from me that says, "I will always be with you," and you still can't shed one tiny tear, I know you'll be crying a river inside. [Chandler Bing] Aww, I love you so... [Monica Geller] What is wrong with you?!!! [Chandler Bing] What?! [Monica Geller] What?! You can't shed a tear for your dead wife!! Now, I left you a note from the beyond! [Chandler Bing] So you didn't mean any of that?! [Monica Geller] No you robot!! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] You damn kids! You ring my bell one more time, I swear to... Ohh, uh Jill. Umm, that-that's just a little game I play with the kids down the hall. Umm, they've really taken a liking to me. Uhh what's-what's-what's the matter? [Jill Green] Rachel and I had a really big fight, can I come in? I-I mean I know we're not supposed to see each other anymore and I'm okay with that, it's just that I don't know anybody in the city and I really need somebody to talk to about it. [Ross Geller] Of course, what happened? [Jill Green] I don't want to talk about it. [Ross Geller] Okay, umm... [Jill Green] But you know what might really cheer me up? [Ross Geller] What? [Jill Green] Seeing some more of your super-cool slides. [Ross Geller] Wow! Really?! [Jill Green] Totally, I love them! And, maybe you could finish telling me about all the different kinds of sand. [Ross Geller] Well, I'd love to! Here, you wait right here and I'll go get the projector and my notes! [Jill Green] Oh great! Thanks Ross, you're such a good friend! [Ross Geller] Ohh! [Rachel Green] Hey! Have you guys seen Jill? I can't find her anywhere. [Monica Geller] No, I haven't. [Rachel Green] Well, is Ross home? Maybe I'll just call him to see if he's actually seen her. --------------------------------------- [Ursula Buffay] Who is it? [Phoebe Buffay] It's Phoebe! Phoebe! [Ursula Buffay] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh God. So-so you're making porn movies. [Ursula Buffay] No I'm not. [Man's Voice] We're still rolling! [Phoebe Buffay] You're making one right now! [Another Man's Voice] Let's go Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] And-and you're using my name! [Ursula Buffay] Yeah, can I help you with something? [Same Man's Voice] Phoebe, come on! [Phoebe Buffay] Look, I'm talking right now! You're-you mean her. [Ursula Buffay] Y'know, twin stuff is always a real big seller. [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Ursula Buffay] Yeah, I can talk them into giving you like, 30 dollars. [Phoebe Buffay] No!! No way! No! And stop using my name! And shame on you! And shame on all of you! You're disgusting! Especially you with that! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Slides are almost ready. [Jill Green] Yeah. Ooh, I know what this is missing! Alcohol! [Ross Geller] Uh okay, well there's-there's wine in the kitchen. [Jill Green] Oh great! [Ross Geller] Hello? [Rachel Green] What is my sister doing there?! And why are the drapes shut?! [Ross Geller] O-okay, Rach calm-calm down, okay? She-she's really upset we're just talking. [Rachel Green] Ross! I think she is trying to make something happen with you to get back at me! [Ross Geller] So that's the only reason she could be here huh? It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that-that maybe I'm a good listener and I uh I put on a great slide show! [Rachel Green] Ross, I am telling you that she is using you to get back at me! [Ross Geller] Y'know what? I think I can take care of myself, I'll talk to you later. Good-bye. Whoa! Uh, that was your sister actually. She-she thinks that you're just using me. [Jill Green] So? --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] So, I just came from the company Ursula works for. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh no, not you too! [Phoebe Buffay] No! No! I just went to pick up Phoebe Buffay's checks; there were a lot of them. [Joey Tribbiani] Nice! [Phoebe Buffay] Um-mmm, and I won't have to go there anymore because I gave them my correct address. [Joey Tribbiani] That's great, but isn't it gonna bother that people still think you're a porn star? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no! No! I know how to handle it. [Joey Tribbiani] You do? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. You're trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, I'll give you a hint. From porn! Okay? Yeah your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! See? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Ross Geller] You uh, you may have been right about Jill. [Rachel Green] Oh! I knew it! What happened? [Ross Geller] Umm, she kissed me. [Rachel Green] What?! You kissed! [Chandler Bing] Maybe we should give them some privacy. [Monica Geller] Shhhh!!! [Ross Geller] Look, I uh, I tried not to kiss her, okay? [Rachel Green] Well, it doesn't sound like it! I mean, it's pretty easy not to kiss someone, you just don't kiss them! See look at us, right now, not kissing! [Ross Geller] Let me finish, okay? She started kissing me and-and I didn't stop it. I guess I-I just wasn't thinking... [Rachel Green] Yeah that's right you weren't thinking! Y'know what? Let me give you something to think about! [Ross Geller] Oh wait-hold it! But then I started thinking and I stopped the kissing. [Rachel Green] Oh, well thank you for taking your tongue out of my sister's mouth long enough to tell me that. [Ross Geller] Look I-I realize if anything were to happen with me and Jill then nothing could ever happen with us! [Rachel Green] What?! [Ross Geller] No, I mean, look I don't know if anything is going to happen with us, again. Ever. But I don't want to know that it-it never could. So I stopped it and she got mad and broke my projector. [Rachel Green] Wow. I, I don't even know what to say. Thank you. [Ross Geller] You're welcome. [Monica Geller] Oh my God! Are-are you crying? [Chandler Bing] I just don't see why those two can't work things out! --------------------------------------- [Jill Green] All right, I'm leaving! Because I'm not going to spend one more day with someone whose out to sabotage my every move. That's you Rachel! [Rachel Green] Yeah, I got that. [Jill Green] And you! I throw myself at you and you say no, how gay are you? [Ross Geller] You take care Jill. [Jill Green] Okay, see ya! [Rachel Green] Bye-bye-e! [Monica Geller] Bye. [Chandler Bing] I-I can't believe Jill's gone. I can't help it, I opened a gate.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e14", "title": "The One Where Chandler Can't Cry"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One That Could Have Been, Part 1 [Rachel Green] Hey, you guys! Guess what? Barry and Mindy are getting a divorce! [Monica Geller] Oh my God! [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! [Joey Tribbiani] What is the matter with you?! [Phoebe Buffay] No! Barry and Mindy. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh sorry, I hear divorce I immediately go to Ross. Who-who's Barry and Mindy? [Rachel Green] Barry was the guy that I was almost married and Mindy was my best friend. [Joey Tribbiani] Ohh-oh, wasn't he cheating on you with her? [Rachel Green] Yeah, but that just means that he was falling asleep on top of her instead of me. [Monica Geller] Why did they get divorced? [Rachel Green] Well, apparently she caught him cheating on her with someone else. Isn't that sad? God, could you imagine if I actually married him?! I mean how different would my life be? [Ross Geller] I know what you mean, I've always wondered how different my life would be if-if I'd never gotten divorced. [Phoebe Buffay] Which time? [Ross Geller] The first time! No seriously, imagine if Carol hadn't realized she was a lesbian. [Joey Tribbiani] I can't. I keep seeing it the good way. [Ross Geller] I'd bet I'd still be doing my kara-tay. Towards the end of our marriage I was doing a lot of kara-tay as a way of releasing the tension from y'know, not doing anything else physical. [Chandler Bing] Maybe the problem was you were pronouncing it kara-tay. [Monica Geller] And what if I was still fat? Well, you wouldn't be dating me, that's for sure. [Chandler Bing] Sure I would! [#ALL#] Oh yeah! Come on! Yeah right! [Chandler Bing] What, you guys really think that I'm that shallow? [Ross Geller] No, I just think Monica was that fat. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, imagine if I never got fired off Days Of Our Lives! Oh-hey, there's Carol again! [Chandler Bing] What if I had had the guts to quit my job? I'd probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my job's fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I don't have to wear a tie. [Phoebe Buffay] What if I had taken that job at Merrill Lynch? [Ross Geller] What?! [Rachel Green] Merrill Lynch? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I had a massage client who worked there and-and he said I had a knack for stocks. [Rachel Green] Well why didn't you take the job? [Phoebe Buffay] Because at that time you see, I thought everything that rhymed was true. So I thought y'know that if I'd work with stocks, I'd have to live in a box, and only eat lox, and have a pet fox. [Ross Geller] Hey, do you guys think that if all those things happened, we'd still hang out? --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Oh my God! Rachel Green? [Rachel Green] Rob Tillman! [Ross Geller] No-no. It's-it's me, Ross! [Rachel Green] Oh, I'm sorry. Ross Tillman. [Ross Geller] No, no-no, Ross Geller. [Rachel Green] Ohh, of course Monica's brother! [Ross Geller] Yeah. Right. [Rachel Green] Wow! How are you?! [Ross Geller] Good-good, I'm-I'm married. [Rachel Green] Ohh! Me too! [Ross Geller] Is-isn't it the best? [Rachel Green] Oh, it's the best! So, umm how's Monica? [Ross Geller] Oh really, really great! Yeah! A-actually she's right down the street, umm, do-do you know what? You should stop bye and say hi. [Rachel Green] Ohh, I would love too. [Ross Geller] Yeah? Oh-oh, she'd be so excited! [Rachel Green] Ohh! Okay! [Ross Geller] Come on! [Rachel Green] Oh wait, don't you have to pay for your, Busty Ladies? [Ross Geller] No, it's okay. Some-some kid asked me to pick it up for him, but I don't... [Rachel Green] Oh yeah? Okay. [Ross Geller] Okay. [Rachel Green] But! Don't you have to give him his money back? [Ross Geller] Uh-huh. Hey, here you go buddy. Sorry, no porn for you. Okay, let's go see Monica! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] So Monica, still going out with Dr. Boring huh? [Monica Geller] He's not boring! He's just-he's just low key. [Monica's Boyfriend] Here we go, one Hazelnut Latte. [Monica Geller] Thanks. [Monica's Boyfriend] Yeah. Y'know, the hazelnut actually not a nut, it's a seed. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow!! [Monica's Boyfriend] Can anyone else name a well known seed that's been masquerading as a nut? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh dear God, let me think. [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Monica Geller] Oh no! What's the matter? [Chandler Bing] Oh I just got another rejection letter. They said my writing was funny, just not "Archie Comic funny." [Monica's Boyfriend] Y'know what honey? I got to get back to the hospital. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Monica's Boyfriend] Okay. [Monica Geller] Bye. [Monica's Boyfriend] Bye-bye. Oh uh, by the way, the answer is, the Brazil nut. [Chandler Bing] Was his question what's more boring than him? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey man, look sorry about that Archie thing. Do uh, do you need me to give you some money? [Chandler Bing] Hey, I may have no money, but I still have my pride. [Joey Tribbiani] Really? [Chandler Bing] Ehh. [Monica Geller] Maybe Joey doesn't have to give you the money, TV stars have assistants right? [Joey Tribbiani] That's an idea! Hey, if I hired an assistant, would-would you take money from her? [Monica Geller] No Joey! Chandler could be your assistant! See, he could answer all of your fan mail and stuff! [Joey Tribbiani] That's great! That would be great! Let's do that! [Chandler Bing] I could use the money; it could give me time to write. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh right great! Welcome aboard! [Chandler Bing] Okay! [Joey Tribbiani] All right! Now hey, I need to use the bathroom. Since I don't need any assistance in there, take a break! [Chandler Bing] All right! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey Phoebe! Guess what? [Phoebe Buffay] What? [Monica Geller] Joey just hired Chandler to be his assistant! [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh that's so sweet! Oh! Hang on! Hang onnnnnn!!! Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, it's a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, it's okay. It's okay, you're allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired. [Ross Geller] Hey Mon! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Ross Geller] Mon, look who I ran into! [Monica Geller] Oh my God! Rachel!! You look terrific! [Rachel Green] Ohh, so do you! Did you lose weight? [Monica Geller] You are so sweet to notice! Yes, I lost three and a half pounds! [Ross Geller] And, and uh, you-you remember my friend Chandler. [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah. [Ross Geller] And that's Phoebe over there! [Phoebe Buffay] Hi! [Monica Geller] Oh my God, sit down! Sit down! How long as it been since we've seen each other? [Ross Geller] 1987, the day after Christmas, at Sean McMahon's party. I played you one of my songs, y'know Interplanetary Courtship Ritual. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah. Right. So now, are-do you, do you still do music? [Ross Geller] Sometimes, you should come over sometime! I'll play you one of my other... [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives, just walked in here! [Monica Geller] Rach, he's a friend of ours. [Rachel Green] You are friends with Dr. Drake Remoray? [Chandler Bing] Well it's kinda hard to be friends with Drake because of his busy schedule and the fact that he's not real. [Ross Geller] Hey-hey, or I could bring my keyboard over here sometime! [Rachel Green] He's coming over! He's coming over! [Monica Geller] Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] I know, here-here!! [Monica Geller] Ohhh! No! This is my friend Rachel, we went to High School together. [Rachel Green] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Hi! [Rachel Green] Hi! I love you on that show! I watch you everyday! I mean, when you took out your own kidney to save your ex-wife even though she tired to kill you... [Joey Tribbiani] Well, it's always nice to meet the fans. [Rachel Green] Ah! [Joey Tribbiani] She's not crazy is she? [Monica Geller] No. [Joey Tribbiani] So uh, how you doin'? --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! Go!! Who's this? Oh okay, you're gonna like working for me. What's your name? What kind of name is Brendy? I... Whatever... Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey there you are! [Chandler Bing] Uh-oh, it's my boss! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, here's a list of things for you to do today. Man, this going to be so great! Thank you so much! All right, I got to go to work I'm delivering twins today, but only one of them is mine! [Chandler Bing] Drop off my dry cleaning. Pick up my vitamins. Teach me how to spell vitamins. Wear in my new jeans. [Monica Geller] You realize what you are don't you? [Chandler Bing] What? [Monica Geller] You're his bitch. [Phoebe Buffay] No-no!! No!! [Monica Geller] Oh wait! You didn't just sit on my Kit-Kats did you?!! [Phoebe Buffay] No! There-there was a little, a little diff in the market and I lost 13 million dollars. [Chandler Bing] But the Kit-Kats are all right?! [Phoebe Buffay] What am I gonna do?! What am I gonna do?! I can't call my office they'll kill me! I can't call my clients they'll kill themselves! Great, now my chest hearts. [Monica Geller] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] My chest hurts! Oh, and now I-I can't breathe. [Chandler Bing] Phoebe, are you having a heart attack?! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, if I were, would-would I have shooting pains up and down my left arm? [Monica Geller] Yes!! [Phoebe Buffay] Then yes that is what I'm having. [Monica Geller] Oh my God! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Come on Pheebs, it's not that bad! Y'know most people would be excited if they didn't have to work for a couple of weeks. [Phoebe Buffay] Most people don't like their jobs, I love my job! I have not been working for three hours and I'm already going crazy. I miss Joan. [Monica Geller] Honey, having a heart attack is nature's way of telling you to slow it down. [Chandler Bing] I always thought having a heart attack was nature's way of telling you to die! But you're not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but you're not gonna die today. I wish I was dead. [Monica Geller] Let's take a walk. Y'know maybe you should consider writing for Talking Out of Your Ass magazine! [Phoebe Buffay] So what's going on with you? [Ross Geller] Well umm, I've been doing a lot more of my kara-tay. [Phoebe Buffay] Still going through that dry spell with Carol? [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] How long has it been since you had sex? [Ross Geller] Well, last weekend... [Phoebe Buffay] Oh that's not so bad. [Ross Geller] ...will be two months... [Phoebe Buffay] That is. [Ross Geller] ...since I stopped trying. [Phoebe Buffay] Maybe you need to spice things up a little. [Ross Geller] What-what do you mean? [Phoebe Buffay] I don't know. You could tie her up, she could tie you up; you could eat stuff off each other... [Ross Geller] Oh. [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know, dirty talk, mnage trois, toys... [Ross Geller] Wow! [Phoebe Buffay] Roll playing... You could be the warden; she could be the prisoner. You could be the pirate; she could be the wench! [Ross Geller] Okay, I think I got it. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! Or too, you could be two stockbrokers and you're-you're-you're rolling around naked on the trading floor and everybody's watching! It never happened. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Sorry. So how's it going with Joey? [Chandler Bing] Oh just great. He beeps me now with codes. One is, "Bring me food." Two is, "I'm with a girl, bring us food." Three is, "I'm lost and I can't find food." [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Is uh, is she gonna be all right? [Monica Geller] Yeah! She's right in there! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh great. Hey! Go take off those pants, they look ready! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] All right, and over there is Brady's Pub where I like to unwind after a long day of surgeoning. [Rachel Green] Wow! This is so amazing! What else? What else? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, that is a large piece of television equipment. And uh that is an old man! Hey old man! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] All righty, what do you say we head back to my place? [Rachel Green] Wow! Umm, y'know, I-I would really love to, but I-I shouldn't. [Joey Tribbiani] Why? Why can't the world stop turning, just for a moment? Just for us? [Rachel Green] Isn't that a line from the show?! [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, yeah but uh, I may have said those things before but, I never truly meant them. Until now. [Rachel Green] That's a line from the show too! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, you watch too much TV. [Chandler Bing] Here you go Joe, here's the freshly squeezed orange juice you asked for. [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks! Yeah, there's pulp in that. [Chandler Bing] Yeah? [Joey Tribbiani] I thought we talked about this. I don't like pulp. No pulp. Pulp isn't juice. All juice, okay? [Chandler Bing] I'm sorry, I guess I just like the pulp. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God, I'm sorry, I'm being so rude. Rachel, would like a soda or something? Because Chandler would run right out and get it. [Rachel Green] Yeah sure, iced tea would be great. [Joey Tribbiani] Iced tea. [Chandler Bing] Okay, anything for you sir? [Joey Tribbiani] Did I not just tell him? [Rachel Green] Yes, you did. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay look, Chandler, if this you have got to listen! You're gonna throw that juice at me, aren't ya? [Chandler Bing] It's not all juice! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] So honey, this morning was fun, huh? Me hopping in on you in the shower there. [Carol Willick] Yeah! And maybe someday we could get a place with two bathrooms. [Ross Geller] Look Carol umm, I was, I was thinking maybe uh, maybe we can spice things up a little. [Carol Willick] What do you mean? [Ross Geller] Carol our sex life is-it's just not working... [Ben Geller] Dad!! [Ross Geller] Hey there little fella! Hey, uh-hey, why don't we get some shoes on ya, huh? Hey, why don't you show dad how you can put your shoes on, in your room! Yay!! [Ben Geller] Yay! [Ross Geller] Yay! Seriously, our sex life... I was thinking, maybe I don't know, we could try some-some new things. Y'know? For fun? [Carol Willick] Like what? [Ross Geller] Well I don't know umm, what if we were too tie each other up? Umm, some people eat stuff off one another. Nah! Umm, y'know we-we could try dirty talk? Umm, we could, we could have a threesome. [Carol Willick] I love that idea! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Who sold a story to Archie Comics?! [Monica Geller] Oh my God! That's great! Oh wow! You're a published writer! I wish I had a present for you! [Chandler Bing] Aww. [Monica Geller] Wait a minute! My last Kit-Kat bar! [Chandler Bing] You wanna share it? [Monica Geller] Okay!! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Hey Chandler look, I know you're mad, but I just want to say I'm sorry. I-I was a total jerk. Completely o-over the line. Uh, I just I hate pulp! Y'know? I mean, y'know how Monica feels about low fat mayonnaise? [Monica Geller] It's not mayonnaise!! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, o-o-o-o-okay anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Here. [Chandler Bing] What's this? [Joey Tribbiani] Fresh squeezed orange juice, with pulp! Just the way you like it. [Chandler Bing] Aww, thanks man. [Monica Geller] Hey Joey, Chandler sold a story to Archie Comics! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God! That's great! Congratulations! What's the story?! [Chandler Bing] Oh you wouldn't uh, care. It's just a stupid comic book story. [Joey Tribbiani] Are you kidding me?! I love Archie! And the whole gang! [Chandler Bing] Well uh, Archie needs money to fix his jalopy , uh but he doesn't want Reggie to just give him the money. So Reggie hires him as his assist-as his butler. And then makes him do all these crazy things like bring him milkshakes that can't have lumps in them. [Joey Tribbiani] Wait a minute. That sounds a little familiar! Did they already do that one? 'Cause I think I read it! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls? [Monica Geller] Yeah, a lot. A lot, a lot! [Rachel Green] Ohh! And I'm one of them!! Wow! Oh, I just cannot believe this! I mean, Joey Tribbiani! [Monica Geller] Well, y'know it's none of my business, but aren't you married? [Rachel Green] Yeah. Oh I just wish we could not be married for a little bit! Y'know I just wish we could be like on a break! [Monica Geller] Well, you're not. [Rachel Green] Oh, it's so easy for you I mean, you're not married, you get to have sex with who ever you want! [Monica Geller] Yeah I can! And don't think I don't, because I do! I mean all the time, you betcha! [Rachel Green] Monica. You've, you've done it right? [Monica Geller] Of course I have! What do you think, I'm some 30 year old virgin? [Rachel Green] Oh my God! You're a 30 year old virgin! [Monica Geller] Say it louder, I don't think the guy all the way in the back heard you! [Guy All The Way In The Back] Yeah, I heard it. [Monica Geller] It's not like, I haven't any opportunities. I mean, y'know, I'm just waiting for the perfect guy. I'm seeing this guy Roger, all right? He's not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Y'know, give him my flower. [Rachel Green] Oh my God!! Do it!! Honey, you've waited long enough!! [Monica Geller] Y'know what? You are right?! [Rachel Green] Yes!! I mean sex does not have to be a big deal! There shouldn't be all this rules and restrictions! Y'know, people should be able to sleep with who ever they want, whenever... [Monica Geller] Rachel! I'm never gonna think it's okay for you to cheat on your husband! [Rachel Green] Oh what do you know? Virgin! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Phoebe, why is smoke coming out of the bathroom?! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah, the doctor said that could be one of the side effects. [Monica Geller] Phoebe! Put that cigarette out! [Phoebe Buffay] No! It's not a cigarette! The smoke is coming out of me! [Monica Geller] Put it out!! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay! Okay! I'm so glad you're here. [Ross Geller] Come on. I got it. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, give it to me. [Ross Geller] I got it! [Phoebe Buffay] Give it! [Ross Geller] Hello? No she can't come to the phone right now. Oh, right no problem. Okay, bye-bye. [Phoebe Buffay] Was it my work? Were they mad? Was it Jack? Did he yell?! [Ross Geller] J-j-just relax, nobody yelled. Jack just was calling to make sure that you were getting better. [Phoebe Buffay] Thank God. [Ross Geller] Yeah, she's fired. --------------------------------------- [Nurse] You've done all you can Dr. Wesley. You have got to let her go. [Dr. Wesley] Good-bye and God speed, Hope Brady. [Dr. Drake Ramoray] Not so fast Wesley! [Dr. Wesley] Remoray! [Dr. Drake Ramoray] That's right Wesley! I just stopped by to say that, you're not a real doctor! And that woman's brain, is fine! [Rachel Green] Oh! Thank God! [Dr. Drake Ramoray] Hope! Hope! [Hope] Drake! [Dr. Drake Ramoray] You're not dying Hope, you're gonna live a long, healthy life. With me. [Hope] Oh Drake. [Rachel Green] Okay! Here we go! Okay! Hi, Joey! It's Rachel! Umm, I am free tomorrow night. Yeah, sure, sure I can bring some sandwiches.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e15", "title": "The One That Could Have Been, Part 1"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One That Could Have Been, Part 2 [Ross Geller] So honey this uh, this threesome thing umm, I mean how-how are you gonna start to find... [Carol Willick] Ooh, actually I've been making a list of all the women I know who might be into doing this! [Ross Geller] Oh. Wow! Huh. Boy! Well, someone's been doing their homework. [Carol Willick] Yeah. Ooh, and I know Gail Rosten is in there twice, but she is so... [Ross Geller] Oh, I know. Y'know, just-just talking about it is getting me kinda... [Carol Willick] Oh, me too. [Ross Geller] Yeah? Well, I-I think Ben's asleep. [Carol Willick] Oh umm, y'know I think it would be better if we just save it. [Ross Geller] Yeah. Right. Save it. I can do that. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey, Pheebs! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. [Ross Geller] Hey, how's it going? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I've got to get out of this bed, I'm going crazy here. Crazy! [Monica Geller] Here you go sweetie. [Phoebe Buffay] What the hell is this, herbal tea? I hate herbal tea! [Monica Geller] But, I put some honey in it. [Ross Geller] She doesn't know she was fired yet, does she? [Chandler Bing] No, the doctors say it may kill her. [Phoebe Buffay] What are you two girls whispering about over there?! [Chandler Bing] But I think we should tell her. [Ross Geller] Hey Pheebs, maybe this whole heart attack thing is a sign, that-that you should start think about getting a different job. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, what is this? A stupid contest? Because we got a winner here! [Chandler Bing] Listen Phoebe, he's right. People are not supposed to have heart attacks at 31. [Phoebe Buffay] I know! But if I didn't work there, what else would I do? [Monica Geller] Well, you used to like playing the guitar. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah that was lucrative! Smart like your brother! [Chandler Bing] Uh, what about y'know the massage thing? That never gave you a heart attack. [Phoebe Buffay] Hmm, pulling in a salary in the high six figures or rubbing gross naked people for chump change-ooh, what do I do?! What will I do?! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ohh, I mean it's just so realistic! [Joey Tribbiani] I know. Yeah, his name is Pat. [Rachel Green] Pat the dog. Oh! Oh! I get it!! [Joey Tribbiani] Do you uh, do you-ready for a refill? [Rachel Green] Oh, I probably shouldn't-so I will! Oh! Wow! It's like it's raining! [Joey Tribbiani] Pretty cool, huh? But if you're thinking you can put a fish in there and it wouldn't get sucked up into the mechanism, well you'd be wrong. [Rachel Green] Umm, can I use your bathroom? [Joey Tribbiani] It's uh, right through there. [Rachel Green] Okay. God y'know, if someone told me a week ago that I would be peeing in Joey Tribbiani's apartment... [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, life's pretty great isn't it? [Rachel Green] Yeah, it sure is! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I hope you're hungry, we're starting with oysters. And y'know what they say about oysters, don't you? [Dr. Roger] They have parasites? [Monica Geller] No! Umm well, some people say that Oysters are an aphrodisiac. [Dr. Roger] What people? [Monica Geller] People! People say it! Come here! [Dr. Roger] So oysters, huh? [Monica Geller] And then we're gonna have a little Middle Eastern cous-cous. Something we can eat, with our hands. [Dr. Roger] Y'know, it's funny, but when we were studying communicable diseases... [Monica Geller] No-no-no, no! It's sensual! [Dr. Roger] Ohh! Didn't know! Okay! [Monica Geller] Okay! Ohhh no! [Dr. Roger] I'm sorry sweetie, it's the hospital. The food looks great, maybe save me some? [Monica Geller] I can't promise anything. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] We're really gonna do this, huh? [Carol Willick] Looks like it. [Ross Geller] Y'know, if, if this is too weird for you, we can still back out at... [Carol Willick] I got it! [Ross Geller] Okay. [Carol Willick] Susan! Hi! [Susan Bunch] Hey! [Carol Willick] Thank you so much for coming. [Susan Bunch] Oh, I wouldn't miss it for the world. [Ross Geller] I'm-I'm Ross by the way. [Susan Bunch] Hello Ross. I love what you've done with this space. [Carol Willick] Thank you so much. [Ross Geller] How hot is this?! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] I'm sorry you're here with me instead of Roger. [Monica Geller] Yeah, me too. [Chandler Bing] Well, I could make it seem like he's here. "Here's some little known facts about cous-cous. They didn't add the second cous until 1979." [Monica Geller] Stop it!! That's not funny!! [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] I'm sorry, okay? It just-tonight was supposed to be y'know, it was supposed to be a big deal. [Chandler Bing] What was tonight? [Monica Geller] You don't want to know what tonight was. [Chandler Bing] Okay. What was tonight? [Monica Geller] Well, tonight was-was going to be my first time. [Chandler Bing] With Roger? Not just with Roger?! Oh my God! [Monica Geller] All right relax Mr. I've Had Sex Four Times! [Chandler Bing] Four different women! I've had sex way more times! [Monica Geller] How many? [Chandler Bing] Nine. [Monica Geller] I was just waiting for the perfect guy. [Chandler Bing] Well good, good for you. You really think that Roger is the perfect guy? [Monica Geller] No. He's not a horrible guy. [Chandler Bing] Hey that's what I tell girls about me. [Monica Geller] Chandler, I'm gonna die a virgin! [Chandler Bing] No you are not! You are sweet and wonderful and this is gonna happen for you. [Monica Geller] Oh really? When? Do you wanna do it with me? [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] I was kidding. [Chandler Bing] So was I. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Joey, you're such an amazing actor! How do you know where Dr. Drake Remoray leaves off and Joey Tribbiani begins? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, with Dr. Drake they always tell me what to say. And with Joey, I pretty much have to make it up on my own. [Rachel Green] Wow! Tell me something Joey--Whoa! I just fell right off the couch there. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah you did. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Here you go. Let me ask you a question. [Rachel Green] Yeah? [Joey Tribbiani] When was the last time someone told you just how beautiful you are? [Rachel Green] Wow! I can't, I can't feel my hands. [Joey Tribbiani] Come, come here. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] We can't do this. [Monica Geller] No! Oyster? [Chandler Bing] Yeah! If-if-if we did do this there would be a lot of pressure on me, y'know? Because you've been waiting a very long time and I wouldn't want to disappoint you. [Monica Geller] Yeah but see I have nothing to compare it too. So even if you're horrible, how would I know? [Chandler Bing] I do like that. [Monica Geller] It's harder for me! I have those four other women to compete with! [Chandler Bing] Well, if it helps there were only three. So it would just be for tonight, right? [Monica Geller] Absolutely! It would just be one friend helping out another friend. [Chandler Bing] Stop it! We're doing this! Let's do it! [Monica Geller] Noo!! Okay!! [Chandler Bing] Okay! [Monica Geller] Umm, do you have any uhh, moves? [Chandler Bing] I have some moves. [Monica Geller] I have no moves. Okay, whatcha doin' there?! Oh y'know what? I'm sorry, this is just too weird. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, let's just forget it. [Monica Geller] What if I turn out the lights? [Chandler Bing] Okay! [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah. [Monica Geller] Chandler? [Chandler Bing] Yeah? [Monica Geller] That's the couch. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Oh my God! [Monica Geller] I know! I'll tell you something, we are gonna do that again! [Chandler Bing] Oh, okay! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Morning! [Rachel Green] Oh right. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Oh God. Oh I can't believe Joey Tribbiani heard me throw up! [Joey Tribbiani] Well he actually saw you a little bit too. [Rachel Green] Noo! Oh God we did-we didn't, we didn't uhh... [Joey Tribbiani] No! No! No, not after seeing that. [Rachel Green] God I'm just a horrible person. [Joey Tribbiani] Wh-why? [Rachel Green] Because I'm married. That's right, I am a married woman! And I came to a TV star's apartment to have an affair! Uck! [Joey Tribbiani] That's ridiculous! I'm not a "Star," just a regular famous actor. [Rachel Green] Yeah and I'm a horrible, horrible person. [Joey Tribbiani] Rachel, would you stop saying that?! Hey-hey look, remember on the show when-when Caprice was dying and she gave me... [Rachel Green] The ring from the cave, yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! Uh okay, well uh... [Rachel Green] Oh my God, they let you keep that stuff?! [Joey Tribbiani] Sure! As long as they don't find out you can keep whatever you want! And I want you to have it. [Rachel Green] No! No-no-no... [Joey Tribbiani] Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, you've had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didn't. And that's what this ring stands for. [Rachel Green] But I thought that ring stood for Caprice's undying love for her brother. [Joey Tribbiani] Look, do you want the ring or not?! [Rachel Green] Yeah! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Ross Geller] Look at you! You're up! [Joey Tribbiani] All right! [Phoebe Buffay] I thought I'd try to take a walk. Would you pour me some water? I'll be back soon. [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa-whoa-whoa! You're not gonna use the pay phone to call work, are ya? [Phoebe Buffay] No. I've learned my lesson. [Phoebe Buffay] Let's go! Come on! Move it! Come on! Shoes! Briefcase! Thanks Lou, good luck with the gall bladder. [Ross Geller] Hey Joe did... Did you ever have a threesome? [Joey Tribbiani] Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carol's great and I'm sure you're a very attractive man, but I.... [Ross Geller] No! The reason I'm asking is that... I sorta had one last night. [Joey Tribbiani] You? [Ross Geller] Yeah! [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! [Ross Geller] Yeah! [Joey Tribbiani] All right! So, was it amazing? [Ross Geller] It was, it was okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Just okay-Did you do it right?! [Ross Geller] Look, it's just did, did you ever go to a party and think, "Would really anyone miss me if I weren't here?" [Joey Tribbiani] Huh. But still Ross, you're worst day with two women, pretty much better than any other day! Y'know what I mean? [Ross Geller] Oh-oh, absolutely! [Ross Geller] It's just, my part seemed to be over pretty quickly and then, and then there was a lot of waiting around. [Joey Tribbiani] But you got to be with both of them, right? [Ross Geller] Not-not really. Th-th-there was just Carol. [Joey Tribbiani] Not the other one? [Ross Geller] No, she kept kicking me away! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, you don't want that. [Ross Geller] No! [Joey Tribbiani] Well hey, at least you got to see a lot of stuff, right? [Ross Geller] Oh I a lot of stuff! [Joey Tribbiani] You got a little bored? [Ross Geller] A little. Yeah. I made a snack. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah? What did ya have? [Ross Geller] Just a sandwich. Turkey, a little mustard... [Joey Tribbiani] Sounds good. [Ross Geller] It really was! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Let me tell you about this chick I scored with last night! Oh no wait a minute that was you! [Monica Geller] Hey, check me out, I'm a slut! [Chandler Bing] So you uh, want to do something tonight? [Monica Geller] Oh I can't. Dr. Roger is coming over again. [Chandler Bing] Oh. Oh right! Right! Because you're still seeing him and uh, he's a good guy. I mean, I remember a time when... [Monica Geller] Are you okay? [Chandler Bing] Yeah! Totally! Totally, and you? [Monica Geller] Great! It's so amazing! I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you I'm all like, "Can the doctor see me now?" [Chandler Bing] I bet he can. [Monica Geller] Y'know, I don't have an appointment, but I sure could use a physical. Are you sure you're okay? [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah! Yeah! Don't worry about me, I'll be fine! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ohh! My God! Barry!! [Barry Farber] You-you-you said you were gonna be away all weekend! [Rachel Green] Oh that's right! I'm sorry! I-I am early! Finish! Please!! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Surprise! Look who's back! [Arthur] Hey Pheebs! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Arthur] Call security. Pheebs, didn't you get fired? [Phoebe Buffay] Uh, I don't think so! [Jack] Phoebe? [Phoebe Buffay] Jack!! Hey! [Jack] What are you doing here? [Phoebe Buffay] All better! Back to work! Except this clown from research told me I was fired. He should do his research, huh? [Jack] Well, you were fired. [Phoebe Buffay] Nu-uh! [Jack] I told that guy who answered your phone. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, okay I didn't get that message. So this doesn't count-Anyway, I'll be in my office. [Jack] Uh, Phoebe you-you don't have an office. [Phoebe Buffay] That's all right, I'll work here. This is goo, next to this plant. [Jack] Phoebe, listen... [Phoebe Buffay] You're in my office! Look, I have made a lot of cash for this company! Okay? I am talking big bucks! Pesos! Yen! Rubles! You make one little mistake... [Jack] You lost 13 million dollars. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, so this is all about money! Y'know it's bad enough that-Ow! Oh, you have got to be kidding! [Jack] Are you all right? [Phoebe Buffay] I'm having another heart attack! [Jack] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] I'm having another heart attack!! Call 9-1-1!! [Jack] Take it easy. [Phoebe Buffay] Dumbass! [Woman] Hey Pheebs! How's it going?! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, they fired me and I'm having heart attack. [Woman] Wow! Well, welcome back! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi Ross! [Ross Geller] Hey Rachel. [Rachel Green] Is Joey Tribbiani here? [Ross Geller] Umm, no. [Rachel Green] Well, if you see him, will you please tell him that I'm looking for him and that this I am not gonna throw up! [Ross Geller] That-that's always good news. Are you okay? [Rachel Green] Me? I'm great! I'm fine! I'm sooo good!! But, you know who's not great?! Men! You're a man right Ross?! [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Sit down! [Ross Geller] Okay. [Rachel Green] Let me uh, let me ask you something, do wedding vows mean squat to you people?! And why is it that the second we tell you we're going out of town, bamn there you are in bed with the neighbor's dog walker?! [Ross Geller] We're sorry. [Rachel Green] No seriously! Seriously! What has happened to the sanctity of marriage? [Ross Geller] Didn't you spend last night at Joey's? [Rachel Green] Aw what are you?! A detective? [Ross Geller] Look I-I don't know what's going on with you and your husband and what is hopefully an adult dog walker, look can I just say not all men are like that. [Rachel Green] Oh. [Ross Geller] Hey! There are some men who will do whatever it takes to make their marriage work! Okay? There are some men who will stand by and-and watch as their wives engage in-in what only can be described as a twosome with some-some woman she barely knows from the gym! [Rachel Green] Who are these men? [Ross Geller] Men. I guy I know. [Rachel Green] Well, you might want to tell him it sounds like his wife is gay. [Ross Geller] She is not... She's gay. Oh my God. She is so gay! I can't believe this. [Rachel Green] Good day for married people huh? [Ross Geller] I'm sorry your husband cheated on you. [Rachel Green] I'm sorry your wife is gay. I guess women aren't that great either. [Ross Geller] Try telling my wife that. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Okay to come in? [Monica Geller] Yeah, come on, eat, whatever you want. Dr. Roger got beeped again. [Chandler Bing] Yeah I know, guess who beeped him? [Monica Geller] What?! [Chandler Bing] I'm the ruptured spleen. [Monica Geller] Why would you do that? [Chandler Bing] Because you shouldn't be with him. You should be with me. [Monica Geller] Really? [Chandler Bing] Yeah! When you were talking about Roger, that was killing me! Look, things like last night they don't just happen. Y'know? Or at least not to me. Or with the other two women, in the morning y'know I was just lying there and I couldn't wait to just go hang out with my friends, but with you I always y'know with a friend. [Monica Geller] Chandler! [Chandler Bing] I know you probably don't want to go out with me, y'know because I make too many jokes and I've never been in a serious relationship and I guess I'm not technically a "doctor..." [Monica Geller] There was just one woman, wasn't there? [Chandler Bing] No, there were two. [Monica Geller] Including me? [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see.../One of them won't do it, but the second one will set you free.../Tell all your hate and anger, it's time to say good-bye.../And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die!/La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la......

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e16", "title": "The One That Could Have Been, Part 2"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Unagi [Ross Geller] Hey, remember when I had a monkey? [Chandler Bing] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Yeah, what, what was I thinking? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! So, what's with the 20 percent tip? Did I do something wrong? [Chandler Bing] Twenty percent is a pretty generous tip Joe. [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know what's more generous than that?! Fifty percent! Y'know what's even more generous than that?!! [Chandler Bing] I see where you're goin'! [Ross Geller] What's up with the greed Joe? [Joey Tribbiani] All right, look I'm sorry you guys, but it's just that I gotta get these new head shots made. And they're really expensive, y'know? I'm down to like three! Well, actually two 'cause one of 'em I kinda blackened in some teeth-Why did I do that?! [Ross Geller] Well isn't there something you can do to earn a little extra money? I mean, can't-can't you pick up, I don't know, an extra shift here? [Phoebe Buffay] Or, y'know, I used to beg for money. Of course it helps if you've got y'know a little of this goin' on. Wow! I still have it! [Ross Geller] Oh, wait! Wait! Don't you have an audition today? Yeah! Maybe you'll get that job! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, ha-ha-ha! Ooh! Wait a minute, I used to get medical experiments down on me all the time! [Chandler Bing] Ah, finally an explanation. [Joey Tribbiani] No-no! I used to get paid for all kinds of medical stuff, remember? Let's see uh, well I don't want to donate sperm again. I really prefer doing that at the home office y'know? Ooh-ooh, maybe they want like some of my blood or-or spit or something, huh? [Gunther] Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah? [Gunther] What did I tell you about talking to your friends while you're working? [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh do it? [Gunther] That guy has been waiting for his coffee for ten minutes! He's complained about you three times! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, where was I? --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey, what have you guys been up to? [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh! We went to a self-defense class today! [Ross Geller] Wow! [Rachel Green] Yeah, kicking a guy in the crotch all morning really takes it out of ya! [Joey Tribbiani] Takes it out of you? [Phoebe Buffay] Now, we can kick anybody's ass! [Rachel Green] Yeah! [Ross Geller] After one class? I don't think so. [Rachel Green] What? You wanna see me self-defend myself?! Go over there and pretend you're a sexual predator! Go on! I dare ya!! [Ross Geller] Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, that's not enough. Look, I studying kara-tay for a long time, and there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call unagi. [Rachel Green] Isn't that a kind of sushi? [Ross Geller] No, it's a concept! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah it is! It is! It's freshwater eel! [Ross Geller] All right, maybe it means that too... [Rachel Green] Ohh! I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now! [Ross Geller] Y'know what? Fine! Get attacked! I don't even care! [Phoebe Buffay] Come on Ross. We're sorry. Please tell us what it is. [Ross Geller] Unagi is a state of total awareness. Okay? Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you! [Phoebe Buffay] You mean in case someone is trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat or your kettle of fish? [Ross Geller] All I'm saying is, it's one thing being prepared for an attack against like each other; whole another story being prepared for an attack, I don't know, like a surprise!! [Ross Geller] All right, you know that one was coming, but that doesn't mean you have unagi. [Rachel Green] Ooh! Y'know what? If we made reservations, we could have unagi in about a half-hour. [Ross Geller] Y'know what... [Chandler Bing] Hey-hey, is Monica here? [Phoebe Buffay] No. [Ross Geller] No. [Chandler Bing] Okay, look I need your help, I don't know what to get her for Valentine's Day. [Rachel Green] Well, Valentine's Day was like two weeks ago, so I wouldn't get her a calendar! [Chandler Bing] She was working on Valentine's Day so we're celebrating it tonight. [Joey Tribbiani] Ohh, hey! Why don't you book a date for both of you at one of those romantic spas? [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, Joey, that's actually a really good idea! [Joey Tribbiani] And of course, crotchless panties. [Chandler Bing] Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend and her brother, I can't do that we promised we'd make each other gifts this year. [Rachel Green] Aw, I love that. [Phoebe Buffay] You guys! [Joey Tribbiani] You can't make crotchless panties? You take, you take a pair of scissors and you just cut... [Rachel Green] Okay-okay-okay! So, making things. That sounds like so much fun. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I thought so to until I paper mached one of my eyes shut. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I love paper mache! What did you make? [Chandler Bing] I made a... [Phoebe Buffay] What is that? [Chandler Bing] Nothing! [Ross Geller] So what are you gonna do? [Chandler Bing] Well, have you guys made anything that maybe I can take credit for? [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh! I have! I have! I started making these little sock bunnies! Oh for crying out loud! [Rachel Green] Hey, wait a minute! That is my sock! [Phoebe Buffay] Now, it's you little bunny friend. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] This, this actually is a... [Monica Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! Honey, can I ask you a question about the Valentine's Day gifts? [Monica Geller] Oh, yeah. [Chandler Bing] Do we have to make the entire thing? [Monica Geller] Yes! Why, did you-you forget to make yours? [Chandler Bing] Of course, of course not. I just have to uh, go over to the place where I-I made it and pick-pick it up. [Monica Geller] Okay. Okay, I can't wait! This is going to be the best Valentine's Day ever! I can't believe it! Make the presents! Make the presents! [Chandler Bing] What? [Monica Geller] I'm just so excited to make the presents! Shoot! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hi uh, I'm Joey Tribbiani and with all do respect I'd like to donate some fluids. [Receptionist] We're actually at the end of one of our research cycles, so we're not looking for applicants right now. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh that's too bad. I've kinda been saving up. Uh, are you sure there's no studies I can participate in? [Receptionist] Well, here's a schedule of what's coming up. [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks. Well but this one starts now. [Receptionist] Oh that one is available now, but only identical twins are eligible. It's a twins study. [Joey Tribbiani] But it's $2,000. [Receptionist] Sorry. [Joey Tribbiani] Well how about this one? Testing the effects of Joey Tribbiani on attractive nurse receptionists. [Receptionist] We already got the results back on that on, and they're not good. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] DANGER!!! DANGER!!!!! [Phoebe Buffay] Ross!!! [Rachel Green] What the hell was that?! [Ross Geller] A lesson in the importance of unagi. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, you're a freak!! [Ross Geller] Perhaps. Now I'm curious, at what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass? [Rachel Green] All right, so we weren't prepared! [Ross Geller] I'm sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point, but I-look, I just want you guys to be safe. DANGER!!!!! Ahhh, huh? Unagi. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] 2,000 bucks is a lot of money. Oh, I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone who looks exactly like me? --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Ross Geller] Chandler. I sensed it was you. [Chandler Bing] What?! [Ross Geller] Unagi. I'm always aware. [Chandler Bing] Okay, are you aware unagi is an eel? [Ross Geller] What's up? [Chandler Bing] I can't figure out what to make Monica. [Ross Geller] Oh, why don't you make her one of your little jokes. [Chandler Bing] I'm going crazy! Okay? Do you have any thing around here that looks homemade? [Ross Geller] Y'know what? She'd-she'd love this. Uh, it's an exact replica of Apollo 8. I made it in the sixth grade. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I guess I could use that. I could say that your love sends me to the moon. [Ross Geller] Yeah-yeah, except Apollo 8 didn't actually land on the moon. But you-you-you could write that umm, your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely. [Chandler Bing] Wait a minute, I can't give this to her. [Ross Geller] Why not? [Chandler Bing] Because it says "Captain Ross" on the side and "I hate Monica" on the bottom. [Ross Geller] Oh. [Phoebe Buffay] DANGER!!!!! [Rachel Green] Ahhhhh, salmon skin roll. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Okay. Okay. Yes honey, I made it myself. I can't do it. I can't do it. Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!! [Chandler Bing] Hey! Hi! You uh, ready to exchange gifts? [Monica Geller] Sure! Okay, you go first. [Chandler Bing] Okay, come here! Come here. [Monica Geller] Okay! [Chandler Bing] Now, it's not wrapped because I just, just finished it. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Chandler Bing] But I made you a tape of what I think are all romantic songs. [Monica Geller] Oh, what a great gift! Is The Way You Look Tonight on it?! [Chandler Bing] Maybe we'll have to listen and see! [Monica Geller] Oh, I love it! Thank you so much! [Chandler Bing] Okay! [Monica Geller] Okay, you ready to open yours? [Chandler Bing] Yeah! [Monica Geller] Okay. [Chandler Bing] It's a sock bunny. [Monica Geller] Yeah-yeah, you remember how I call you bunny? [Chandler Bing] Not really. [Monica Geller] Well, I did one time, and-and I want to start doing it more. See that's what this is about. [Chandler Bing] I see. Y'know umm, Phoebe makes sock bunnies. [Monica Geller] No! No, she doesn't. Uh Phoebe, what she makes-that's uh-they're sock rabbits. They are completely different-Okay! Okay! Okay! I didn't make it! I'm sorry! I totally forgot about tonight and the fact that we're supposed to make the presents! [Chandler Bing] Oh, it's okay. I don't... [Monica Geller] No-no, it's not okay! It's not! I mean you were just... You're so incredible! You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me! Y'know I'm just gonna-I, I am gonna make this up to you! I will! I-I am going to cook anything you want in here , and I am going to do anything you want in there! [Chandler Bing] Well, I did put a lot of thought in the tape. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Wow! You are way to young to have seen that! [Monica Geller] Oops! Y'know, your birthday is in a month-and-a-half, what do you say I forget to get you a present for that too? [Chandler Bing] You are totally and completely 100% forgiven. [Monica Geller] We have got to wash that! [Chandler Bing] Yeah! [Monica Geller] Do you remember that jacket that you love so much, that you thought was too expensive? [Chandler Bing] You have done enough! [Monica Geller] I wanna wake up early and go get it for you! [Chandler Bing] No you don't-get it in black, not brown. [Monica Geller] Oop, your cake is ready! [Chandler Bing] Oop! [Chandler Bing] Well, it's like that old saying, have some sex, eat some cake. [Joey's Look-A-Like] Hey Mon! Hey Chann! Just gettin' a soda! [Monica Geller] Who the hell are you?! [Joey's Look-A-Like] I'm Joey! How are you doin'?! [Joey Tribbiani] No! No! No! No! No! How you doin'?! How you doin'-Damnit Carl! Go wait in the hall! [Joey Tribbiani] Look, I got to apologize on the behalf of Carl. [Chandler Bing] Who the hell is Carl?! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, did I not mention? Carl is a guy I hired to be my identical twin for a medical research project. [Chandler Bing] Y'know sometimes the good ideas are just right in front of you, aren't they? [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, I know it sounds crazy, but I think it might work. Y'know? The only problem is, Carl's acting is... [Monica Geller] The only problem! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, he's the reason I didn't get that big Minute Maid commercial a couple of years ago remember? We were supposed to be brothers, but he messed it up. [Carl (Joey's lookalike)] Hey, uh can I get a little piece of that cake? [Joey Tribbiani] Pizza!! We like Pizza!! Get out!!! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Pat Sajak? [Rachel Green] Yep! [Phoebe Buffay] Alex Trebek? [Rachel Green] Oh, of course! [Phoebe Buffay] Chuck Woolery? [Rachel Green] Definitely! Phoebe, you will not find a single game show host, who's ass I cannot kick. [Rachel Green] Say it! [Phoebe Buffay] Say we are unagi! [Ross Geller] It's not something you are! It's something you have! [Rachel Green] Say it! [Ross Geller] Y'know what? I can easily get out of this, but there is a chance you can get very, very hurt! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] All right Carl, we're next. Now remember, what is not gonna be? [Carl (Joey's lookalike)] Another Minute Maid fiasco. [Joey Tribbiani] That's right! And what are you not gonna do? [Carl (Joey's lookalike)] Well, I'm not gonna talk because... [Joey Tribbiani] Damnit Carl! [The Doctor] Can I have the next one please? Joey and Tony Tribbiani. [Joey Tribbiani] That's us. [The Doctor] But uh, this is a study for identical twins. [Joey Tribbiani] That's right, $2,000. [The Doctor] But, you're not identical twins. [Joey Tribbiani] Damnit Carl! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Oh my good God. [Monica Geller] Hey! Continuing the countdown of your favorite meals. Tonight, No. 3, macaroni and cheese with cut up hot dogs. [Chandler Bing] Look, you have done enough! Okay? You have to stop this now. [Monica Geller] I will! But not tonight. For dinner music, I thought we could listen to that tape you made me. [Chandler Bing] Oh, the mixed tape. [Monica Geller] The Way You Look Tonight is on here! Dance with me? [Monica Geller] You are just the sweetest. [Janice Litman Goralnik] I love the way you look every night Chandler! That's why I made you this tape! Happy Birthday! Love Janice! [Chandler Bing] No! You're the sweetest! --------------------------------------- [The Instructor] Okay ladies, that ends today's class, and let's remember, let's be safe out there. [Ross Geller] It's a great class. [The Instructor] Thanks. [Ross Geller] Yeah, yeah, I was watching. Umm, hey, a couple of questions though. Umm, about that-that-that last move where the woman tripped you and then pinned you to the floor, what-what-what-what would you do next? [The Instructor] Well, she would take her keys and try to jam them... [Ross Geller] No. No-no. No. What would you do next? [The Instructor] Who? Me the attacker? [Ross Geller] Yes that's right. [The Instructor] Why? [Ross Geller] I tired attacking two women, did not work. [The Instructor] What?! [Ross Geller] No, I mean it's okay, I mean, they're-they're my friends. In fact, I-I-I was married to one of them. [The Instructor] Let me get this straight man, you attacked your ex-wife?! [Ross Geller] Oh, no! No-no! No, I tired! But I couldn't. That's why I'm here. Maybe we could attack them together? That-that's a no. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] I am so, so, so, so sorry! [Monica Geller] Uh-huh. [Chandler Bing] And I will cook anything you want in here , and do anything in there! [Monica Geller] Yeah you will! And, are you kiddin' me?! [Chandler Bing] Come on Monica, it's our Valentine's Day. Please? Please-please, please? [Monica Geller] Okay. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Janice's Voice] My funny valentine, sweet comic valentine! You make me high over my heart! [Chandler Bing] So, are we going in there? [Monica Geller] I am!! [Janice's Voice] You're look for laughable... --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Ah-ha, nowhere to run! [Rachel Green] I don't like sitting up here! I'm just gonna over... [Phoebe Buffay] No Rachel! They got here first! [Phoebe Buffay] Why is Ross doing that? [Ross Geller] DANGER!!!! [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Why is he jumping on those women! [Phoebe Buffay] We should help him! [Rachel Green] I... Well, I don't think they need any help.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e17", "title": "The One With Unagi"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Ross Dates a Student [Ross Geller] Hey! I just got uh, my teacher evaluations! Check out what this one student wrote, "I loved Dr. Geller's class. Mind blowing lectures! Dr. Geller, you are definitely the hottie of the paleontology department!" [Chandler Bing] Ahh, Hotties of the Paleontology Department, there's a big selling calendar, eh? [Rachel Green] Who wrote it? [Ross Geller] Oh, I wish I knew, but the evaluations are all anonymous. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh hey, do you still have their final exams? [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, 'cause you can just match the evaluation to the exam with the same handwriting and boom, there's your admirer. [Chandler Bing] A hot girl's at stake and all of the sudden he's Rain Man. [Rachel Green] Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, why are we so sure that this is a girl? [Ross Geller] It's a girl! Anyway, it wou-it wouldn't matter. Okay? Because I'm a teacher and she's a student. [Chandler Bing] Oh, is that against the rules? [Ross Geller] No, but it is frowned upon. [Chandler Bing] I see. [Ross Geller] Besides, there's a big age difference. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, well think of it like this, when you're 90... [Ross Geller] I know when I'm 90 she'll be like 80 and it won't seem like such a big difference. [Joey Tribbiani] No that's not what I was going to say at all. No, what I was going to say is when you're 90 you'll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Chandler! Y'know that girl you went to college with who-who became a movie director? [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah, Dana Keystone. She was in my Movement class. [Phoebe Buffay] What's a Movement class? [Monica Geller] It's Chandler's way of pretending he didn't take mime. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh well listen, anyway she's directing the new Al Pacino movie. You gotta get me an audition! [Chandler Bing] Oh, I don't know man. I haven't talked to her in like ten years. [Joey Tribbiani] No-no-no, please-please Chandler I-I-I would owe you so much! [Chandler Bing] You do owe me so much. You owe me three thousand, four hundred... [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey dude, why are you changing the subject? Why? Will you make the call or what? [Chandler Bing] Oh okay, I'll-I'll try. [Joey Tribbiani] All right! Thanks! You're the best! Now listen, the last day of auditions is Thursday. Okay? So I gotta get in there by Thursday. Okay? Just remember Thursday. Thursday. Can you remember Thursday? [Chandler Bing] Yeah so, Tuesday? [Joey Tribbiani] Thursday! Look if you need help remembering think of like this, the third day. All right? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when? Huh? What day? Thursday! The third day! Okay?! [Chandler Bing] Thank you. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Rachel Green] Hey Mon? I'm gonna check my messages. [Chandler Bing] You just thought of that in there? [Monica Geller] Yeah sure, nature called, she wanted to see who else did. [Rachel Green] Hello? Uh, Rachel. Great, someone is in our apartment. Call the cops! [Monica Geller] You're on the phone! [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Oh my God! Thank you! That was the fire department, there was a fire at our place! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! How bad was it? [Rachel Green] Well, he didn't say, but it was a fire. I'm guessing not very good. Come on, we gotta go! [Monica Geller] Come on! [Chandler Bing] What are you smiling about? What is so funny? [Joey Tribbiani] The part I want to audition for is a fireman, this is so meant to be! --------------------------------------- [Burt] Wow! It looks like you were very generous with your grades this semester! [Elizabeth Stevens] Professor Geller? [Ross Geller] Yeah? [Elizabeth Stevens] I wanted to say how much I enjoyed your class. [Ross Geller] Oh thank you. Thanks very much. Ow! [Elizabeth Stevens] Uh, I'm a little embarrassed about calling you a hottie on my evaluation... [Ross Geller] That was you? [Elizabeth Stevens] Yeah. I felt a little weird about it. You're a teacher. I'm a student. But would you maybe want to go out with me sometime? [Ross Geller] Oh I, I don't-I don't think that would be the best idea. [Elizabeth Stevens] Oh, because I was thinking, the semester's over; you're not my teacher anymore. [Ross Geller] What time? [Elizabeth Stevens] Oh, y'know what? Forget it, you already gave me an A. [Ross Geller] Gotcha. [Elizabeth Stevens] I'm kidding! [Ross Geller] Oh! So-so seriously, what time? --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Coming through! Oh! Coming through! Oh! Hello! Hi! No! Right! Coming through! [Monica Geller] Oh well, it's not so bad. [Fireman #1] Yeah, most of the damage is pretty mostly contained in the bedrooms. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! [Rachel Green] My God! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey buddy, do you think I can borrow your uniform this Thursday? [Fireman #1] Excuse me? [Monica Geller] Joey! He's working! You would look good in that. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, how bad is it? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, it's bad. It's really bad. The only thing in there that isn't burned is an ass. Which I do not remember buying! [Chandler Bing] How's your room Rach? [Rachel Green] Everything's ruined. My bed. My clothes. Look at my favorite blue sweater. [Monica Geller] Isn't that mine? [Rachel Green] Fine! I'm sorry for your loss! [Fireman #1] So uh, you're not gonna be able to live here for a while, you ladies have a place to stay? [Rachel Green] Wow! Oh-okay, look pal, I am not in the mood to be hit on right now! But if you give me your number I will call you some other time. [Monica Geller] Yes, they can stay with us. [Chandler Bing] Have you figured out what started the fire Mr. Fireman? [Fireman #1] Well uh, do either of you smoke? [Phoebe Buffay] No, not usually. But yeah, I could use one right now. [Fireman #1] No-no-no, do you uh light candles? Burn incense? [Phoebe Buffay] Yes! I do! All the time! I love them! Oh my God! I did it! It's me! It's me! I burned down the house! I burned down the house! [Rachel Green] Okay Phoebe calm down, there's no need to place blame. Okay? I warned her about those candles. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] God, it's great to catch up! I can't believe how long it's been! [Joey Tribbiani] Chandler, is that... [Chandler Bing] Oh that's great! Good for you. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey listen... [Chandler Bing] Okay! So yeah, maybe we can get together umm... Can you hold for one second please? What?! [Joey Tribbiani] When you're off the phone, do you wanna get a pizza? [Chandler Bing] Hi! I'm back. Yeah, that sounds great. Okay. Well, we'll do it then. Okay, bye-bye. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey listen, so when's-when's my audition? I mean I know it's Thursday, but what time? [Chandler Bing] Hi. [Monica Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] We didn't get to the audition. I'm gonna take her to coffee and then we'll do it then. [Joey Tribbiani] Ah-ha! [Monica Geller] Wow! So, now you're going on a date with this girl? [Chandler Bing] Honey, it is not a date! I haven't talked to her in ten years! You can't just call up somebody you haven't talked to in ten years and ask them for a favor. There are rules, y'know? You gotta, you got to put in some time. [Monica Geller] You're right, I'm sorry. It's not like you're y'know, going out with an ex-girlfriend. [Chandler Bing] No, we only went out once. [Monica Geller] You dated her! [Chandler Bing] Not once! [Monica Geller] All right, well why don't I go out with an ex-boyfriend and do Joey a favor?! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, you wanna do Joey a favor, maybe you go out with Joey. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Oh that's great, my friend Joey's in the movie business. [Dana Keystone] Y'know who I ran into from school? Howie. [Chandler Bing] My friend's name is Joey. [Dana Keystone] Apparently Howie's editing now. Yeah, he-he-he calls me up and asks me if he can edit my new movie. Can you believe that?! Y'know I-I-I haven't spoken to him in like ten years and he asks me for a favor! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I've always hated that Howie. [Dana Keystone] No, no "How you doing?" Man, I mean not even a cup of coffee first! [Chandler Bing] The nerve huh? [Dana Keystone] Yeah! [Chandler Bing] Refill? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Now, this is last minute so I want to apologize for the mess. Okay? [Rachel Green] Oh my God! It sure didn't look this way when I lived here. [Monica Geller] I know! Now look, there's only one problem though. There's only room for one, so I guess one of you will have to stay at Joey's. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, since the fire was kinda my fault I guess you should get to stay here. [Rachel Green] Hey! Hey-hey, now this was no one's fault Pheebs. Okay? It was an accident. [Phoebe Buffay] Well no, it was my fault so you should get the nice room. [Rachel Green] Okay! [Monica Geller] So Rach! You're the first guest at Hotel Monica! Umm, you'll just have to tell me how you like your eggs in the morning. And I thought I would bring them to you, y'know, in bed. Oh, you have been through so much. [Rachel Green] I have. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] This right here is where I keep the pizza. And uh that's where the napkin is. [Phoebe Buffay] What's that smell? [Joey Tribbiani] I know! --------------------------------------- [Elizabeth Stevens] Oh please! It was such a big class! You never even noticed me! [Ross Geller] What? Of course I did! You uh, you sat next to Sleepy Sleeperson. [Elizabeth Stevens] Who? [Ross Geller] Oh uh, I had trouble remembering everyone's name, so I-I kinda came up with nicknames. Like the guy on the other side of you was Smelly von Brownshirt. [Elizabeth Stevens] Oh yeah. So umm, did you have a nickname for me? [Ross Geller] Umm, no. No. [Elizabeth Stevens] Yes you did! What was it? [Ross Geller] Umm, it's Cutie McPretty. [Elizabeth Stevens] Ohh that's so sweet! [Ross Geller] Listen, I gotta tell ya, I-I'm having a great time! Y'know how before you said it might be weird, the whole student teacher thing, and to be frank I thought it would be too, but it's not. I mean it's not at all. [Burt] Dr. Geller! [Ross Geller] Burt! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] So did you sleep well last night? [Rachel Green] I did. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? [Rachel Green] I did, Monica was so sweet she left a little mint on my pillow. [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know what Joey left on my pillow? [Rachel Green] What? [Phoebe Buffay] Gum! [Fireman #2] Well, we determined the cause of the fire. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah I know, it was my candle. My candle! [Fireman #2] No, there was an appliance left on in the bathroom. It's looks like a curling iron. [Phoebe Buffay] I don't use a curling iron. [Fireman #2] Well someone does. [Rachel Green] Well, don't look at me! My hair's straight! Straight! Straight! Straight! [Fireman #2] It could've been a hair straightener. [Rachel Green] Oh. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] This is where I keep the pizza. And-Hey! Where did the napkin go?! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Now there you go! I wouldn't want my best guest to strain her eyes! [Phoebe Buffay] Thanks Monica! [Monica Geller] Does that smell bother you? [Phoebe Buffay] What the smell from Joey's? No, I can hardly smell it over here. [Monica Geller] Well you let me know if you can, because y'know I can bake a pie to cover it. [Phoebe Buffay] I can smell it a little, bake the pie. [Monica Geller] Okay! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Monica Geller] Hello? Oh yes, one minute please. It's for you. It's the fire inspector. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Hello? Yeah this is Phoebe. Really?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, so it turns out that it wasn't the hair straightener that started the fire. No-no, it was the candles. It's very not good leaving candles unattended. In fact, one of the first things they teach you in fire school is... Uhh... Uhh... Okay. Well, I have to go now. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] We had such a great time! She's-she's incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasn't. It wasn't at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. A concept lost on some people! [Monica Geller] So it's okay to date a student. [Ross Geller] Well, not really. I mean technically it's-it's not against the rules or anything, but it is frowned upon. Especially by that professor we ran into last night, Judgey von Holierthanthou. [Monica Geller] Well Ross, you be careful now. You don't want to get a reputation as y'know Professor McNailshisstudents. [Ross Geller] Yeah. What-what should I do? [Joey Tribbiani] Well Ross, it seems pretty clear. I mean what's more important? What people think or how you feel, huh? Ross, you gotta follow your heart. [Monica Geller] Joey that is so sweet. [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey-hey! So, how did it go with Dana? Any reason I should leave a block of time open say Thursday? [Chandler Bing] I couldn't do it. [Joey Tribbiani] You couldn't do it?! [Chandler Bing] Hey, relax I just need more time. We're going to dinner tonight. [Monica Geller] What?! You're going out with her again! [Ross Geller] Going out with who? [Chandler Bing] Uh, Dana Keystone from college. [Ross Geller] Oh yeah! Wasn't she uh... [Chandler Bing] No, that was Dana Caplin. [The Guys] Ohhhh! [Monica Geller] Joey! You didn't even know her! [Joey Tribbiani] Ah whatever! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Great story again! The yarns that you weave! Woo-hoo-hoo! [Dana Keystone] Y'know uh, actually I-I-I should get going. [Chandler Bing] Oh no-no-no! Stay! Stay! Because you-you should you-you-you should stay! [Dana Keystone] Wow. Oh, I am really flattered, but I just I don't feel that way about you. [Chandler Bing] Oh no-no-no, that's not-No-no-no! [Dana Keystone] I'm sorry Chandler, y'know you are such a sweet guy and I, I don't want to hurt you. Oh, I wish there was something I can do to make you feel better. [Chandler Bing] No-no-Really?! [Dana Keystone] Of course! [Chandler Bing] Well, it just hurts so bad. I uh... [Dana Keystone] Ohh, I'm sorry. [Chandler Bing] Well maybe there is one thing you can do. [Dana Keystone] What?! Anything! Anything! [Chandler Bing] Well, I umm, I mean this is just off the top of my head now, umm but I have this friend. This actor friend and he would kill me if he thought I was doing this umm, but umm would it be possible for him to get an audition for your movie say on Thursday? [Dana Keystone] Absolutely! But you-you would really feel better about me rejecting you if your actor friend can audition for my movie? [Chandler Bing] Well, the heart wants what it wants. I'll see you later. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey! How's it goin'? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, not much has changed in the last five minutes. [Monica Geller] Yes it has! I made cookies! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh that's all right. I'm still full from your homemade potato chips. [Monica Geller] But you should eat them now because they're hot from the oven. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Monica Geller] Oh-ho! But not in here! Can't eat 'em in bed, remember? No crumbies! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I'll be out in a second. [Monica Geller] Okay! [Monica Geller] What are you doing? [Phoebe Buffay] That doesn't lock does it? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh, Joey! Sorry! [Joey Tribbiani] No that's all right. Don't worry about it. [Rachel Green] Oh but look! That's gonna leave a stain! [Joey Tribbiani] Rach! Hey! It's fine! You're at Joey's! [Rachel Green] Really? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Look! [Rachel Green] I've never lived like this before. [Joey Tribbiani] I know. [Joey Tribbiani] All right, don't waste it, I mean its still food. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] What do you want to do now? Huh? You wanna go get a drink? [Elizabeth Stevens] Uhh, I can't. [Ross Geller] Oh, you have some studying to do? [Elizabeth Stevens] No, I have some turning 21 to do. [Ross Geller] Y'know I remember when uh, when I was in college, we used to... [Elizabeth Stevens] What are you doing? [Ross Geller] Nothing, I'm-I'm just, I'm so comfortable with you! [Elizabeth Stevens] Do you not want to be seen with me? [Ross Geller] What? No! Of course, of course I do! Are-are they gone? [Elizabeth Stevens] Uh no, they're still here but I think I'm about to leave. [Ross Geller] What?! No! No! Wait! You're right, this is stupid. Who cares what people think? I mean, I mean we like each other right? There's nothing wrong with that. Come on. Burt? Lydia? Mel? This is Elizabeth. [Elizabeth Stevens] Hi! [Lydia] Aren't you in my Popular Culture class? [Ross Geller] That's right Lydia, Elizabeth here is a student and uh, we're dating. And you may frown upon that, but we're not gonna hide it anymore. [Mel] You are so fired. [Ross Geller] What? [Burt] They're gonna fire you! You can't date a student! It's against the rules. [Ross Geller] Really? Its not just frowned upon? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] I love it at Joey's! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, here you go. [Chandler Bing] Ni-hi-ice! [Rachel Green] Thanks! [Chandler Bing] So, you busy Thursday? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, very funny. I don't know if you remember, but my audition was supposed to be Thursday. You got me the audition?! Let's hug it up! [Chandler Bing] Okay. Okay. What are you gonna do to me if you get the part? [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! Hi! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Listen umm, yeah okay, I need to talk to you! [Rachel Green] Uh-huh. [Phoebe Buffay] Now I know that they said that the umm, the hair straightener started the fire but I think I'm partly at fault. You see, I didn't, I didn't tell you but umm, but I-I had recently refilled the tissues and so y'know let's just face it, that's just kindling! So I think it's better that I stay at Joey's. [Rachel Green] No, no-no-no. Phoebe, this was my fault and besides y'know what? I'm fine here. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Oh umm, Chandler, Monica is looking for you. [Chandler Bing] Really? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah she said something about crumbies. [Chandler Bing] No! No! No! I was so careful! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, you have to switch with me! Monica is driving me crazy! [Joey Tribbiani] That's right, all the ladies want to stay at Joey's. [Rachel Green] No! No! Phoebe, come on! I don't want to switch! Please come on! I can throw wet paper towels here! [Phoebe Buffay] No but at Monica's you can eat cookies over the sink! [Rachel Green] I know. I'm sorry. [Phoebe Buffay] All right fine! This looks like so much fun. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] God, what a mess. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Wow! It actually is in the handbook. I can't date you or have a hot plate in my office. I can't believe we have to stop seeing each other. [Elizabeth Stevens] For what it's worth I did appreciate you standing up for me. It felt really nice. It kinda made me like you even more. [Ross Geller] I know, I know I really like you too. But we-we can't date. It's against the rules. It's forbidden. [Elizabeth Stevens] Wow! [Ross Geller] What? [Elizabeth Stevens] Just hearing you describe it as forbidden, it's really hot. [Ross Geller] Really? [Elizabeth Stevens] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Well I-I-I don't care how hot it is it's-it's uh, it's wrong. [Elizabeth Stevens] Stop it! [Ross Geller] No! No! It's wrong! It's-it's-it's naughty. It's taboo. [Elizabeth Stevens] Shut the book! [Ross Geller] Let's also get a hot plate! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Chandler Bing] So?! [Joey Tribbiani] So? [Chandler Bing] It's Thursday! How was the audition?! [Joey Tribbiani] Wh? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when huh what? Thurs- Oh!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e18", "title": "The One Where Ross Dates a Student"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Joey's Fridge [Joey Tribbiani] Well that thing is clearing in the way! All right. Ah-ha! Ah-ah!! Damn fridge! [Rachel Green] Hi Joey, how ya doin'? [Joey Tribbiani] Great! Roomie! [Rachel Green] Huh, yeah I guess we are roommates now. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Well, now that you brought it up, our fridge is broken. We have to get a new one. Now, I checked around and your half is $400. Thanks a lot. [Rachel Green] I'm not paying for half of that! I'm only staying here until my apartment gets fixed. [Joey Tribbiani] Look Rach, my parents bought this fridge just after I was born, okay? Now, I have never had a problem with it. Then you show up and it breaks! What does that tell ya'? [Rachel Green] That refrigerators don't live as long as people. [Joey Tribbiani] All right, now you know that the ATM will only lets you take out 300 at a time, I'll take a check for the other hundred. [Rachel Green] You're jokin' right? [Joey Tribbiani] Of course I'm jokin'! I don't take checks. [Rachel Green] Thank God you're pretty. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey! [#ALL#] Hi! Hey! [Rachel Green] Do you guys know any cute guys? [Chandler Bing] Well, of course I do! My good friend Joey over here. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I'm sorry. Thank you Chandler. [Rachel Green] Anyway, there's this big charity ball this weekend and Ralph Lauren bought a table, so I kinda have to go... [Monica Geller] What's the charity? [Rachel Green] I don't know, something either trees or disease-Ralph mumbles a lot. [Monica Geller] Does Ralph mumble when you're not paying attention? [Rachel Green] Yeah! It's weird. But the thing is need to find a date. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, what kind of guy are you looking for? [Rachel Green] Well, someone that has his own tux, or has the ability to rent a tux. [Chandler Bing] So he has to be a male who has at least $50. [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh! So close. [Ross Geller] Hey everybody! [#ALL#] Hi! [Ross Geller] Hey uh, this is Elizabeth. [Elizabeth Stevens] Oh hi! [#ALL#] Hi! [Elizabeth Stevens] I'm the student. [Chandler Bing] Isn't she cute? No! [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know, this is probably none of my business, but weren't you guys supposed to not be seen in public together? [Elizabeth Stevens] Oh, we're not together. [Ross Geller] Oh no-no-no, we're just two people who happen to run into each other here at the coffee house. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, sly. [Elizabeth Stevens] Well, I really wanted to meet you guys, but I have to run. I'll see you later? [#ALL#] Okay! [Elizabeth Stevens] Bye Ross. [Ross Geller] Bye. [Elizabeth Stevens] Oops! I did not mean to run into you like that sir. [Ross Geller] Oh that is quite all right ma'am. [Chandler Bing] So, why is she leaving? Is it a school night and she has a lot of homework to do? [Ross Geller] Yes, her molecular epidemiology paper is due tomorrow. [Chandler Bing] Oh, tell her good luck with that. [Ross Geller] Anyone else? Huh? Bring 'em on! [Rachel Green] Oo! When's her birthday?! [Ross Geller] I don't know Rachel, why? [Rachel Green] Well, y'know it's just been so long since I've been to Chuckie Cheese. [Monica Geller] Oh, I like Elizabeth. [Ross Geller] Well thanks! [Monica Geller] Yeah. In fact, I like her so much you tell her I want my cookies early this year! Y'know, a box of Thin Mints and some Tag-a-Longs. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey come on you guys, give him a break. Ross, seriously, how's it going with her? [Ross Geller] Well, actually it's been great. She's 20 so she's not looking for anything too serious, which is perfect for me right now. [Monica Geller] Well that is great. And seriously, she seems very nice. [Ross Geller] Thanks. I know you guys like to give me a hard time and all, but it really means a lot to me that you like her. Just knowing that you guys are... [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I got a good one. Okay, umm, what is she? Like 12? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Chandler, do you think we talk about our relationship enough? [Chandler Bing] Yeah. Do we have any Fruit Roll-Ups? [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I just thought of the perfect guy for Rachel to take to her thing. [Chandler Bing] Oh that's so funny because we found someone too. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh that's good, I guess she'll have a choice between my guy and your weirdo. [Chandler Bing] Why would our guy be a weirdo? [Phoebe Buffay] 'Cause that's just your taste. [Monica Geller] Rachel is not going to pick your stupid guy. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah? [Monica Geller] Yeah! [Phoebe Buffay] My guy is a lawyer who has volunteer work. And, he has one of these [Chandler Bing] A face ass? [Phoebe Buffay] A chin dimple! [Monica Geller] Well, uh y'know, our guy works with Chandler and he's really nice and smart and he's a great dresser! [Phoebe Buffay] Have you seen your guy's body? [Chandler Bing] No, our guy is just a floating head. [Phoebe Buffay] Well my guy is spectacular. Okay? He's a massage client and one time umm, when he was on the table, I looked at it. And I mean all of it. [Monica Geller] You're not supposed to look! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah, like there are police for that! [Chandler Bing] Wait! You look? You-you massaged me. [Phoebe Buffay] I know. [Monica Geller] All right fine, your guy may have a great body, but our guy is really funny. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, Chandler funny? [Monica Geller] Our guy's a great dancer! [Phoebe Buffay] My guy is well read. [Chandler Bing] Our guy has great hair. [Phoebe Buffay] My guy has great teeth! [Chandler Bing] Our guy smells incredible. [Monica Geller] Do you want our guy to be your guy? --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Huh. [Chandler Bing] Well, you...don't look good Joe. [Joey Tribbiani] The fridge broke. I have to eat everything. Cold cuts, ice cream, limes-Hey, what was in that brown jar? [Chandler Bing] That's still in there?! [Joey Tribbiani] Not anymore. So anyway, how do you want to pay me? [Chandler Bing] Is this a service you're providing me? [Joey Tribbiani] No! No! No! For my new fridge-our new fridge! [Chandler Bing] Our new fridge? I don't live here anymore. [Joey Tribbiani] So what? Look, suppose we were a divorced couple. [Chandler Bing] Uh-huh. [Joey Tribbiani] And I got custody of the kid, right? Now suppose the kid dies and-and I gotta buy a new kid. [Chandler Bing] Okay... [Joey Tribbiani] Give me $400! --------------------------------------- [Elizabeth Stevens] Professor Geller? [Ross Geller] Hmm? Oh, a student I don't know. [Elizabeth Stevens] I was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment? [Ross Geller] Yes, yes of course, what-what would this be regarding? [Elizabeth Stevens] Making out in your office. [Ross Geller] Shh! Of course, why don't we go inside? [Ross Geller] Oh-ooh! [Elizabeth Stevens] What? [Ross Geller] Doorknob! Doorknob! [Elizabeth Stevens] Oh! Sorry! Umm, I actually do need to talk to you. [Ross Geller] Oh, okay. What-what about? [Elizabeth Stevens] Spring vacation. [Ross Geller] Spring vacation. [Elizabeth Stevens] Yeah, we have time off and a lot of people are going on trips... [Professor Feesen] Professor Geller! [Ross Geller] Yes, professor Feesen-sen-stenlger... I'll be with you in one moment. So, I will take one box of the Thin Mints. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] You don't understand! Elizabeth was about to ask me to go on a trip with her! Is that taking it slow?! No, I'm not ready for this! Okay? What-what do I tell her? [Chandler Bing] Just tell her the truth! Tell her you're not ready. [Ross Geller] I can do that. Oh-oh, what if she gets upset? [Chandler Bing] Then you distract her with a Barbie doll. [Joey Tribbiani] Or! You can just, y'know... [Ross Geller] What the hell are you doing? [Joey Tribbiani] What? What the hell am I doing? You just broke my fridge! [Ross Geller] What?! What? How do you, how do you even know its broken?! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh-ho-ho, you think I don't know what breaks my fridge? Excuse me! Well what do you know! Broken! That'll be $400! [Chandler Bing] Joey, I saw you push him! [Joey Tribbiani] You pushed him! [Ross Geller] Joey, I did not break this! Okay? That has been broken for a while. [Joey Tribbiani] All right. Chandler, do you remember how I told you about our fridge? [Chandler Bing] Uh-huh. [Joey Tribbiani] I still haven't gotten a check for your half yet. [Ross Geller] Do not give him any money! [Joey Tribbiani] I'm not talking to you! You broke my fridge! --------------------------------------- [Elizabeth Stevens] You wanted to see me Professor Geller? [Ross Geller] Yes. Yes! Please, come in. [Ross Geller] Oo-oo! [Elizabeth Stevens] Doorknob? [Ross Geller] Yeah, it kinda grows on you. Actually, I wanted to finish talking to you about uh, spring vacation. [Elizabeth Stevens] Oh good. [Ross Geller] Look, I... Look, I'm having a great time with you and I just don't want us to move to fast or put to much pressure on us. So, I'm sorry I just don't think we should go away together yet. It's-it's too soon. [Elizabeth Stevens] Ross, I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to Florida for a couple weeks. [Ross Geller] No. I think you misunderstood what I was saying. What I meant was... [Elizabeth Stevens] You are so adorable. [Ross Geller] That! Let's talk about that. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! How did it go with Elizabeth? [Ross Geller] Huh? Oh-oh, it was fine. Uh, it was just a misunderstanding. She didn't want me to go with her. She just wanted to let me know that she's going to Florida for spring vacation. [Chandler Bing] Wait a minute, is she going for spring vacation or is she going for spring break? [Ross Geller] What's-what's the difference? [Monica Geller] Well, spring vacation is doing nice things with your grandparents. Spring break you're doing frat guys. [Ross Geller] Hey, y'know what? Not all spring breaks are like that. [Phoebe Buffay] What did you do on yours? [Ross Geller] I went to Egypt with my dad. [Chandler Bing] I can see it now, "Look dad, it's the Sphinx!" [Ross Geller] Hey, I think Elizabeth is a little more serious than, "Spring break!" All right? I mean she's taken my class! [Monica Geller] And slept with the professor. [Ross Geller] I'm gonna call her. [Chandler Bing] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Hey! You guys umm, I want you to meet Sebastian. [Sebastian] Hi. [Rachel Green] We just uh, we just met at the newsstand. We both grabbed for the last Field & Stream. What? I read that. [Sebastian] Can I get you a cup of coffee? [Rachel Green] Oh yes! Thank you! [Phoebe Buffay] Rachel, what the hell is this?! [Rachel Green] What? [Phoebe Buffay] You ask us to find you a guy and you come traipsing in here with your own! [Rachel Green] You found me a guy? [Monica Geller] Yes! We found you a really cute and funny guy from Chandler's work! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah and I-I found you one too who is not a weirdo. [Rachel Green] Well, y'know what though you guys? I really appreciate that but I think I'm just gonna take Sebastian to the charity. [Chandler Bing] Are you sure?! Because our guy smells incredible! [Monica Geller] Uh, would you stop it with that already?! [Sebastian] Here you go. [Rachel Green] Oh, thank you. [Sebastian] Sure. [Phoebe Buffay] So, Sebastian, do you do any volunteer work? [Sebastian] Uh, no not really. Why? [Phoebe Buffay] No reason, it's just I know a single guy that cares about other people. [Chandler Bing] Are you funny? [Sebastian] Excuse me? [Rachel Green] What are you guys doing? [Monica Geller] Are you funny? Tell us a joke! [Sebastian] Look, I just wanted to have coffee with Rachel. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, so do a lot of people. [Sebastian] Actually, I uh, I gotta get going. Give me a call sometime. [Rachel Green] Oh, but y'know, no, you didn't give me your phone number. [Sebastian] Okay! See you later! [Chandler Bing] Turns out he is kinda funny. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] I cannot believe you guys! He was really nice and he left because of you! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, but Sebastian? What is that? A cat's name? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, y'know what I noticed Rachel? He scares easy. Is that the kind of guy you'd like to take to a ball? "Hey Sebastian, would you like to dance?" "Uhh, okay-I gotta go!" [Monica Geller] All right guys stop it. Rachel, we're very sorry that is a very insensitive thing for us to do. And y'know what? Let us make it up to you, we have two really great guys for you. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! What have you got to lose? Y'know you might even end up with someone really special if you pick my guy. [Rachel Green] All right. [Chandler Bing] Okay, so you will meet our guys? [Rachel Green] Yes, I'll meet 'em. [Chandler Bing] Okay now it doesn't matter which one you choose, y'know? It's completely up to you. Our guy is perfect, or you can go out with the guy Phoebe deemed not good enough to go out with herself. [Joey Tribbiani] Pheebs! There you are! Okay, you broke my fridge; you owe me 400 bucks! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay sure! [Joey Tribbiani] Really?! [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, technically you owe me $600 for sending out happy thoughts on your last ten auditions. [Joey Tribbiani] Call it even? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Chandler Bing] Well, there you are! So what did Elizabeth say? [Ross Geller] Well, it turns out that she is going to Daytona for spring break woo-hoo. That means, that means wet T-shirt contests, guys doing shots off of girl's bodies, waking up next to people you don't even know... [Joey Tribbiani] Man, she is going to have a great time! Is she staying at the Hotel Corona? [Chandler Bing] You know the hotels? [Joey Tribbiani] Sure! I was there! Spring Break '81! Woo-hoo! [Monica Geller] In 1981 you were 13! [Joey Tribbiani] So what? I drove down, sold T-shirts, had a blast. And y'know who knows how to party? Drunk college chicks. [Ross Geller] Okay, she can't go. [Phoebe Buffay] Ross, you can't tell her not to go. You just started dating. [Ross Geller] Then what am I supposed to do? [Phoebe Buffay] Nothing, you just have to be cool with it. [Ross Geller] Well, what is she goes down and-and sleeps with a bunch of guys? [Chandler Bing] Well, maybe you don't marry this one. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] I'm so glad you're going on this trip! [Elizabeth Stevens] Yeah! I've been working so hard this semester. I really need to go crazy y'know, blow off some steam. [Ross Geller] Sure. Sure. Look I don't, I don't know if your plans are finalized yet, but umm, hey I-I know another great way to blow off steam. [Elizabeth Stevens] What? [Ross Geller] Are you into crafts at all? [Elizabeth Stevens] Ross, are you okay? [Ross Geller] Well, yeah, of-of course I'm okay! What? I'm just being supportive. Supportive of you and this whole trip, and-and what-what is uh, what's this? [Elizabeth Stevens] It's a bathing suit? [Ross Geller] To wear in front of people? [Elizabeth Stevens] Is that supportive? [Ross Geller] Is this?! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Good-good-good-good. [Monica Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Monica Geller] We're really glad you decided to meet our guy. [Rachel Green] Oh... [Monica Geller] You're gonna like him so much. So umm, when do you want to meet him? [Rachel Green] I don't know. I know I don't work late tomorrow night. [Chandler Bing] Tomorrow night is good. Tomorrow night is good, but uh, y'know what? Why put off something till tomorrow that you can do right now? Eldad come here! [Rachel Green] What? [Monica Geller] Eldad, this is Rachel. [Eldad] How are you? [Rachel Green] Well-well a little blind sided but y'know good. [Chandler Bing] Eldad, sit down. Move over! Move over now! [Rachel Green] I-Ohh! [Chandler Bing] There you go! There you are! [Monica Geller] Okay! Okay! We can take a hint! What are you doing here?! [Phoebe Buffay] This is Patrick. [Patrick] Hi. [Chandler Bing] Hi. Okay, you're too late okay? Because she's already with our guy. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God, you're right! I am too late; they're sitting on the couch and talking! Come on! Rachel? [Rachel Green] Yeah? [Phoebe Buffay] This is Patrick. [Rachel Green] Oh, hi. [Patrick] Hi. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, this is the guy I was telling you about. [Rachel Green] Yeah? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. And believe me, this suit does not do justice to what's underneath it. [Rachel Green] Oh-okay, but Pheebs? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? [Rachel Green] I'm just sort of in the middle of something. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Okay! Yeah, that's okay. Have a seat. [Monica Geller] No! You can't do that! [Eldad] Maybe I should go! [Monica Geller] Sit down! We're winning! [Rachel Green] Okay, y'know what? Maybe I should go! [#ALL#] No-no-no-no! Have a seat! Have a seat! [Monica Geller] Rachel! Rachel! You haven't touched Eldad's hair! [Chandler Bing] It is the softest hair! Touch it! [Rachel Green] Yeah, I'm good. [Phoebe Buffay] Rachel? Patrick is really rich. Give her some money. [Patrick] Y'know what Phoebe? This isn't really worth the free massage. [Monica Geller] That's right Patrick, bye-bye! [Chandler Bing] Eldad is much more cooperative! And he can dance! You dance for Rachel! [Rachel Green] No-no! Don't dance for me! Please? Don't! What is the matter with you guys? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, okay, let's talk it out. [Rachel Green] I... Am I the only one that this is embarrassing for? [Eldad] I'm a little embarrassed. [Rachel Green] I'll tell ya who should be embarrassed! It's you guys! Come on! This is ridiculous! Thank you very much, but I do not need you to get me a date! [Phoebe Buffay] Then why did she ask us to... [Rachel Green] I am still talking!! And then you chase away the one guy that I actually liked! I mean, no offense to you guys. Really! I mean congratulations on all the cash, and-and y'know--Wow! You do have very soft hair! But I would much rather go to the ball all by myself than go through anymore of this! Good-bye! Now do you use some sort of special conditioner on that hair?! [Eldad] Yes, Papaya Extract. [Rachel Green] Thank you! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] So uh, have a great time down there. [Elizabeth Stevens] I will. [Ross Geller] Yeah. And did you, did you pack that bathing suit? [Elizabeth Stevens] Yeah. [Ross Geller] It was pretty funny when I, when I hid it for a while, huh? Anyway, umm, I-I am worried about that bathing suit, not because it's revealing which I'm fine with, no I'm concerned about your health, sun exposure. [Elizabeth Stevens] Oh, don't worry I have plenty of sun block, it's SPF-30. [Ross Geller] Well, if what's in the bottle is actually 30. I mean sometimes you get 30, sometimes it's-it's get 4, and I swear to God more often than not it's just milk. [Elizabeth Stevens] Ross, it's going to be okay. I'm not going down there to hook up with a bunch of guys. I really like you. I like how things are going between us. [Ross Geller] Really? [Elizabeth Stevens] Yeah! I'm just going down there to relax and hang out with my friends. [Ross Geller] Okay. Cool. [Elizabeth Stevens] Oh hey! Here they are! [Guy] Elizabeth! [Ross Geller] Call me! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Rachel, we're sorry for pushing those guys on you. [Rachel Green] Oh that's all right! Y'know, I ended up having a really good time. Y'know, the charity was a big success and they raised a lot of money and awareness. [Chandler Bing] So what was it for anyway? [Rachel Green] I wanna say a disease. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [#ALL#] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] I just got this really weird message from Ross. He said turn on MTV. [Rachel Green] Huh. All right. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God, look! That's Elizabeth! [Rachel Green] Oh-oh Professor Geller. [Joey Tribbiani] Ahh, to be 13 again. [Chandler Bing] Yeah.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e19", "title": "The One With Joey's Fridge"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Mac & C.H.E.E.S.E. [Joey Tribbiani] The reactor's gonna blow in three seconds, we're never gonna make it! [Phoebe Buffay] You've got to get out of here! Save yourself! [Joey Tribbiani] No! I won't leave you! [Phoebe Buffay] Don't worry about me, I'm a robot! I'm just a machine!! [Joey Tribbiani] No you're not! Not to me! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God. [Joey Tribbiani] What? [Phoebe Buffay] I am extremely talented! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, you're great! Okay, let's take it from... [Phoebe Buffay] No, I mean I was really acting my ass off. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I thought I was pretty good too. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah, you're solid. Yeah, you're just no me. [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know what? I think that's enough for now. Yeah. I don't want to be over rehearsed. [Phoebe Buffay] Fine! I'll do it without you! I don't need you or anybody else! I'm gonna make it on my own! You'll see!! You'll all see!! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] So uh, what's this thing you're auditioning for? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, it's a new TV show. Yeah. I'm up for the part of Mac Macaveli or "Mac." Yeah, I'm a detective and I solve crimes with the help of my robot partner. He's a, he's a Computerized Humanoid Electronically Enhanced Secret Enforcer or-or "C.H.E.E.S.E." [Rachel Green] So Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. [Joey Tribbiani] That's the title! Yeah! Y'know they really lucked out that the initials spell cheese. [Chandler Bing] That is lucky. [Rachel Green] Huh-Wait so Joey if you get this, you're gonna be like the star of your own TV show! I mean you'll be like the Big Cheese! Or the Big Mac-Hey! You love those! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, don't get your hopes up, because probably not gonna happen. [Chandler Bing] Now-now, why would you say that Joseph? [Joey Tribbiani] I mean come on you guys! My own TV show? I just don't know if I'm good enough. [Phoebe Buffay] I am. [Rachel Green] Joey, what are you talking about? You're a terrific actor. [Joey Tribbiani] You really think so? [Rachel Green] Ugh, how can you even ask that question?! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Whoa, she's pretty. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, and oh she's really nice too. She taught me all about how to work the cameras, and smell-the-fart acting. [Rachel Green] I'm sorry, what? [Monica Geller] What? [Ross Geller] Excuse me? [Joey Tribbiani] It's like, you got so many lines to learn so fast, that sometimes you need a minute to remember your next one. So while you're thinkin' of it, you take this big pause where you look all intense, you know, like this. [Chandler Bing] Oh, ok. [Joey Tribbiani] There's my scene, there's my scene. "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon. I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a..." [Joey Tribbiani] Vell, Eva, ve've done some excellent vork here, and I vould have to say, your pwoblem is qviiite clear. [Joey Tribbiani] I Play Al Pacino's Butt. All Right? He Goes Into The Shower, And Then- I'M His Butt. [Monica Geller] Oh My God. [Joey Tribbiani] C'Mon, You Guys. This Is A Real Movie, And Al Pacino's In It, And That's Big! [Chandler Bing] Oh No, It's Terrific, It'S- It'S- Y'Know, You Deserve This, After All Your Years Of Struggling, You'Ve Finally Been Able To Crack Your Way Into Show Business. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, Okay, Fine! Make Jokes, I Don'T Care! This Is A Big Break For Me! [Ross Geller] You're right, you're right, it is. [Monica Geller] Yes. [Ross Geller] So you gonna invite us all to the big opening? [Joey Tribbiani] All right well, I'm outta here. Wish me luck. [Phoebe Buffay] Gooood luck! Gooood luck! We all wish you good luuuuuuuuck!!! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, whatever. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] It's your turn. [Chandler Bing] Oh, are we playing this?! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Chandler Bing] Hey! How'd the audition go? [Joey Tribbiani] Terrible! I messed up every line! I shouldn't even be an actor! [Ross Geller] Wait a minute, are you doing that thing where you pretend it didn't go well but it really did go well? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, did I fool ya? [Ross Geller] Totally! [Chandler Bing] So it did go well. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, it went amazingly well! [Ross Geller] Great! [Chandler Bing] Oh that's great! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah-yeah, it's down to me and two other guys. [Chandler Bing] Oh my God! [Ross Geller] Wow! [Joey Tribbiani] And I know both of them, they're really good. One of them is the guy from those allergy commercials who's always getting chased by those big flowers... [Ross Geller] Oh, I love that guy! [Chandler Bing] Oh-oh, what are you doing? [Ross Geller] What am I doing? [Joey Tribbiani] I'm just so nervous! Y'know? The callback isn't until tomorrow at five. I feel like my head is going to explode! [Chandler Bing] Well, it is overdue. [Ross Geller] Look, don't worry. Okay? You're gonna be fine. [Joey Tribbiani] There's just so much pressure. I mean no offense, but what you guys do is very different. I don't know if you'd understand. [Ross Geller] Yeah, none of us have to deal with pressure at our jobs. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Yes, Fran. I know what time it is, but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy! [Monica Geller] Alright, well I'm tearing the lettuce. [Interviewer] Uh-huh. Is it dirty? [Monica Geller] Oh-oh, no no don't worry, I'm gonna wash it. [Interviewer] Don't, I like it dirty. [Monica Geller] That's your call. [Interviewer] So, uh, what are you going to do next? [Monica Geller] Well, I thought that I would cut up the tomatos. [Interviewer] Are they, uh, firm? [Monica Geller] They'r alright. [Interviewer] You sure they haven't gone bad? You're sure they're not very, very bad? [Monica Geller] No really, they're OK. [Interviewer] You gonna slice them up real nice? [Monica Geller] Actually, I was gonna do them jullienne. [Interviewer] Aaaahhhhhhh. [Monica Geller] I'm outa here. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Monica, I'm quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didn't even buy it! I'm telling you I'm quitting! That's it! I'm talking to my boss right now! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. [Monica Geller] Well, what happened? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, he came in for a massage and everything was fine until... [#ALL#] Ohhhhhh! [Ross Geller] Oh my God! [Phoebe Buffay] And all of the sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. [Monica Geller] Was it... [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, Boy Scouts could've camped under it! [Ross Geller] You ate my sandwich? [Dr. Ledbetter] It was a simple mistake. It could happen to anyone. [Ross Geller] Oh-oh really? [Dr. Ledbetter] Now-now calm down. Come look in my office, some of it my still be in the trash. [Ross Geller] What? [Dr. Ledbetter] Well, it was quite large. I-I-I-I-I had to throw most of it away. [Ross Geller] You-you-you-you threw my sandwich away! [Ross Geller] MY SANDWICH?!!! [Ross Geller] MY SANDWICH!!!!!! [Joey Tribbiani] I want this part so much! Y'know? If I don't get this part I'm never gonna eat Macaroni and Cheese again!-No, I didn't say that! That's a lie. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Oh come on guys, it's not like I moved to Europe! I just moved across the hall! And we would have you over all the time if it weren't for Monica's allergies. You're right, I could never lie to you. She hates you. Should I get that? Hello? Uh no, Joey's not here right now. Can I take a message? Yeah, okay so the audition has been moved from 5:00 to 2:30? Okay great. Bye. [Monica Geller] Ahh! Aren't you dressed yet? [Chandler Bing] Am I naked again?! [Monica Geller] We're supposed to meet my parents in 15 minutes. [Chandler Bing] Yeah okay, I was just talking to the guys. Just look at them I mean, is it okay if they come visit? [Monica Geller] Wh?! What about my allergies?! [Chandler Bing] Oh right, your allergies. All her, she hates you. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Yes!! Ha-ha!! All right! Hey! How cool would it be if you could watch like a real life-sized version of this? Huh? I mean how crazy would that be? [Chandler Bing] As crazy as soccer? [Joey Tribbiani] Hello? What are you talking about? The audition's not 'til 5:00! Well, nobody told me! Who'd you talk to? Nevermind! [Chandler Bing] You mean you didn't get it from this? [Joey Tribbiani] The allergy guy got the part! Thanks! [Chandler Bing] Well, maybe we can fix it y'know? Maybe we can send him some-some big-big flowers and scare him! [Joey Tribbiani] How could you do this to me Chandler?! This part could've turned my whole career around! [Chandler Bing] I messed up. Okay? I'm sorry, I really messed up. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, you don't even live here anymore! What are you doing answering my phone? I have my machine! [Chandler Bing] Which I bought for ya. Taught ya how to use it. You thought it was a copier. Look, if there was anything I could do, I would do it. Okay? But everybody's allowed one mistake, right? [Chandler Bing] You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller! The eyesore from the Liberace house of crap! [Phoebe Buffay] It's not that bad. [Chandler Bing] Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Phoebe Buffay] Chandler, Chandler. [Chandler Bing] I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . Hi! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to another and... [Joey Tribbiani] And what?! Did you sleep with her?! [Chandler Bing] No! No! No! I just kissed her. [Joey Tribbiani] What?!! That's even worse!! [Chandler Bing] How is that worse?! [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know! But it's the same! [Chandler Bing] You're right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line. [Joey Tribbiani] Over the line?! You-you're-you're so far past the line, that you-you can't even see the line! The line is a dot to you! [Chandler Bing] Look, I'm not saying that you should magically forgive me! But you're not perfect! You've made some errors in judgment too! [Joey Tribbiani] Name one! [Chandler Bing] What happened?!! [Joey Tribbiani] Awww, man! He promised he wouldn't take the chairs!! [Chandler Bing] What the hell happened?!! How were you locked in?!! And where the hell is all of our stuff?!! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didn't think big enough to fit a grown man! [Chandler Bing] So--You got in voluntarily?! [Joey Tribbiani] I was tryin' to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what I'm gonna do? [Chandler Bing] BEND OVER?!!! [Chandler Bing] Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess. [Lorraine] Hi, Joey. Well well, look what you brought. [Chandler Bing] ...And what did you bring? [Lorraine] She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice. [Chandler Bing] Janice? [Chandler Bing] Janice?! [Janice Litman Goralnik] Oh.... my.... God. [Chandler Bing] Joey's tailor...took advantage of me. [Ross Geller] What? [Joey Tribbiani] No way! I've been going to the guy for 12 years. [Chandler Bing] Oh come on! He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite... [Ross Geller] What? [Chandler Bing] Cupping. [Joey Tribbiani] That's how they do pants! Ross, will you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants? [Ross Geller] Yes, yes it is. In prison! [Joey Tribbiani] I said name one! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] I can't believe I did this! What an idiot! [Monica Geller] Oh, stop beating yourself up! People make mistakes! These things happen! There aren't any message you've forgotten to give me are there? Apparently you're not very good at it! I... [Chandler Bing] Do you think he'll ever forgive me? [Rachel Green] Of course he will! But Chandler the most important thing is you forgive yourself! [Chandler Bing] Y'know what? I-I kinda have. [Rachel Green] Already? That's pretty bad what you did. [Monica Geller] Y'know what? He will forgive you. And I like to bring a pad with me when I go answer the phone just in case... Okay... [Chandler Bing] You didn't see how mad he was, y'know? [Rachel Green] I'm sure he will forgive you. Look, we have all been there! Y'know, you fight, you make up, it's just the way it works. [Ross Geller] It took two people to break up this relationship!! [Rachel Green] Yeah! You and that girl from that copy place, which yesterday you took full responsibility for!! [Ross Geller] I didn't know what I was taking full responsibility for! Okay?! I didn't finish the whole letter! [Rachel Green] What?!! [Ross Geller] I fell asleep! [Rachel Green] You fell asleep?! [Ross Geller] It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means 'you are,' Y-O-U-R means 'your!' [Rachel Green] Y'know I can't believe I even thought about getting back together again! We are so over!! [Ross Geller] FINE BY ME!! [Rachel Green] And hey! Just so you know, it's not that common! It doesn't happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!! [Chandler Bing] I KNEW IT!!!! [Monica Geller] You had no right to go out with him. [Rachel Green] That is the most ridiculous... [Monica Geller] You sold me out. [Rachel Green] I did not sell you out. [Monica Geller] Yes you did. You absolutely sold me... [Rachel Green] Would you let me talk. [Monica Geller] Did you just flick me? [Rachel Green] OK, well, you wouldn't let me finish and I was jus- Ow. That hurt [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! All right. Now, let's not do this! [Phoebe Buffay] Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts! [Phoebe Buffay] OK, now I'm gonna kick some ass. [Monica Geller] Ow! Ow! Ow! [Phoebe Buffay] I know! I know! I know! [Phoebe Buffay] Alright, now I will let go if you both stop. [Rachel Green] Fine! [Monica Geller] Fine! [Phoebe Buffay] There we go.You know what, if we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my bitches. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own. [Chandler Bing] Oh my God! [Joey Tribbiani] Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando... [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. Whew, it's hot with all of this stuff on. I ah, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? Hello? Damnit! Hello? No, Joey's not here right now, but I can take a message I think. He's still got a chance for the part?! Oh, that's great news! Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. Oh well, that's great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! Yes! Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. By dog not flowers. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Please tell me you got the message! [Joey Tribbiani] What message? [Chandler Bing] The actor playing Mac couldn't do it, they needed to see you at 2 o'clock. [Joey Tribbiani] What?! It's 6 o'clock! [Chandler Bing] Du-du-I wrote it, I wrote it on the board! I wrote it on the board, then I went all over New York City looking for ya! I went to Ross's! I went to the coffeehouse! I went to any place that they made sandwiches! [Joey Tribbiani] I can't believe this Chandler! [Chandler Bing] Sorry! I-I-I don't know what to say. [Joey Tribbiani] Well you-you-you-you might say congratulations! I saw the board! I went to the audition! I got the part!! [Chandler Bing] Is that supposed to be funny! I was really worried over here! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, well I'm uh... [Chandler Bing] Y'know, sometimes that fake out thing is just mean! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh wow! Okay man, I'm sorry. I did not mean to make you feel bad. [Chandler Bing] Well that's good. Because you didn't! And I'm incredibly happy for ya!! [Joey Tribbiani] That's mean! You really had me going there! [Chandler Bing] Oh, we could do this all day. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, you're right. Okay look, listen, let's talk about what a huge star I'm gonna be! [Chandler Bing] You are gonna be a huge star! I'm gonna hug ya! [Joey Tribbiani] You hug me! [Chandler Bing] All right! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, do we do this too much? [Chandler Bing] I think so. Yeah, get off me. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Come on C.H.E.E.S.E., I'm not leaving without you! Try routing your backup source through your primary CPU. [Phoebe Buffay] I can't! My circuits are fried! They're fried I tell you!! [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! Well then I'll just have to carry you. [Ross Geller] That'll be a neat trick, when you're, when you're dead! [Joey Tribbiani] Ross, you don't have to yell. [Ross Geller] There was just an explosion, okay? My hearing would be impaired. [Phoebe Buffay] I thought you were excellent! In fact for a minute there I was like, "Ooh, where'd Ross go?" [Ross Geller] Thank you! And I have to say that first scene when you meet Mac... [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? [Ross Geller] Oh my God. I mean... [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know what? I think that's enough for today. Thanks for your help! [Phoebe Buffay] He's holding us back. [Ross Geller] Totally.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e20", "title": "The One With Mac & C.H.E.E.S.E."}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad [Rachel Green] Okay, Chandler! [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Rachel Green] And your horoscope says, "On the fifth a special someone is going to give you a gift." [Chandler Bing] Oh, well thank you in advance. [Rachel Green] Op, but the twelfth brings a lover's spat. [Monica Geller] You are going to make a joke about my special present! Why would you do that?! [Rachel Green] Oh, wait and on the nineteenth a secret crush announces itself. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey guys! [Chandler Bing] Hey!! [Rachel Green] Oh my God! It's Joey Tribbiani of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!!!!!! [Chandler Bing] Oh that's right. It's your first day! So are you psyched to fight fake crime with your robot sidekick? [Joey Tribbiani] Am I psyched? The lead in my own TV series? I've dreamed about this for years! Why have I not been preparing?! [Phoebe Buffay] No! Joey, you're going to be great! [Joey Tribbiani] But I got to act with a robot Pheebs, and-and I don't know anything about technology! I can't even use Chandler's computer except to find porn! And-and that's only 'cause it's right there when you turn it on! [Monica Geller] I think our lover's spat will start a little early this month. [Phoebe Buffay] I'll be waiting. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Are you judging them by their covers? Because you're really not supposed to do that. [Phoebe Buffay] No, I'm just deciding which one to use-I'm gonna start writing another book! [Rachel Green] Be-because the last one was such a big seller? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, if you must know I have written 14 books. And as I am the only one who has read them, I can tell you that they all have been very well received. [Ross Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Ross Geller] What are you guys doing later? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, Rachel and I have appointments to get our hair cut. [Rachel Green] We do? [Phoebe Buffay] I want to see what he wants first. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Ross Geller] I just found out that Elizabeth's dad wants to meet me. [Chandler Bing] Wait a minute, hold the phone! You're not Elizabeth's dad?! [Ross Geller] Come on guys, I-I really want this guy to like me. It-it would really help me out if you guys were here to make me look good. [#ALL#] Of course we'll help! Yeah! We'll be here! [Ross Geller] Thanks! [Monica Geller] We know how tough those parent/teacher conferences can be. --------------------------------------- [The Producer] So uh, here's your office set! [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! Huh? Mac Macaveli, Private Investigator! [The Producer] Let's get you into wardrobe for a fitting. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. Hey uh, when do I get to meet the robot? [The Producer] I'm sorry, why don't we do that right now? He's right here. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [The Producer] Joey Tribbiani, this is... [Joey Tribbiani] Oh wow! He's so lifelike! Unbelievable! (He starts tugging on the guy's ears. [The Producer] This is Wayne, the man who created and operates C.H.E.E.S.E. [Joey Tribbiani] How do you do there, Wayne? [The Producer] I'll let you two guys get acquainted, huh? [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. Sorry about that... Uh, so where's C.H.E.E.S.E.? [Wayne] C.H.E.E.S.E. is right here. [C.H.E.E.S.E.] Nice to meet you Mac! [Joey Tribbiani] This is like the temporary robot, right? [Wayne] No. Why? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I-I just, I just it was going to be like a really cool robot, y'know? Like the terminator or uh, when I first saw you. [Wayne] I spent two years developing this machine, it's absolutely state of the art. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm sorry, it just-I don't know it doesn't really look like it can do anything. [Wayne] It can do this. --------------------------------------- [Elizabeth Stevens] This is my father, Paul Stevens. Dad, this is Ross Geller. [Ross Geller] It-it's great to meet you Paul. [Paul Stevens] I usually prefer Elizabeth's boyfriends to address me as Mr. Stevens. [Ross Geller] Of course, of course, Mr. Stevens. [Paul Stevens] So Ross, what your problem? [Ross Geller] Eh-wh-Excuse me? [Paul Stevens] Why can't you get a girlfriend your own age? [Ross Geller] That's funny. Umm.... It's not funny. [Paul Stevens] I don't like you going out with my daughter Ross. [Ross Geller] Okay. I can, I can see that. Umm, but I think if you give me umm, one chance I can, I can change your mind. [Paul Stevens] Okay. [Ross Geller] What? [Paul Stevens] Okay. I'll give you one chance to change my mind. You got one minute. [Elizabeth Stevens] Daddy! [Paul Stevens] Fine! Two minutes. Go. [Ross Geller] This is-you- [Paul Stevens] 1 minute 50 seconds. [Ross Geller] Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean I've been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a student-I mean I not-not it! I mean, I mean I don't-We haven't done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, we've-we've-we've done stuff. Okay, okay, a joke, a joke-lighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish. [Paul Stevens] I'm Irish. [Ross Geller] And the Irish guy wins the joke! [Monica Geller] Ross!! [Chandler Bing] Ross! [Monica Geller] How crazy that we'd run into you! [Ross Geller] Oh God, thank you! Umm, uh, Mr. Stevens I'd like you to meet my friends uh, this is Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler. [Phoebe Buffay] You're Elizabeth's father, huh? I can see now where she gets her rugged handsomeness. [Monica Geller] Is-is-is there a-a Mrs. Stevens? [Chandler Bing] There's a Mr. Bing! [Paul Stevens] No, unfortunately Lizzie's mom passed away shortly after she was born. I raised her by myself. [Monica Geller] Ohh! [Paul Stevens] I get that a lot. [Ross Geller] Okay umm, why don't we all take a seat, y'know? And uh, and I'll get us all some uh some coffees--Yeah, why don't you. Uh and you guys can talk about whatever, whatever you want. Y'know? Whatever pops into your head. [Monica Geller] Y'know, it is so strange seeing Ross here this time of day, 'cause usually he's got the children's hospital. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. Not looking for dates. [Elizabeth Stevens] So uh, Monica is Ross's sister. [Monica Geller] And he's a great brother! [Paul Stevens] I had a sister. [Monica Geller] Ohh! [Paul Stevens] She passed away. [Monica Geller] Ohh! [Paul Stevens] Oh, you don't have to do that every time. [Chandler Bing] But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story... You're roommate in college died didn't he? [Paul Stevens] A part of him did yes. [Ross Geller] Okay here we are Paul, Elizabeth. So I hope you guys were finding something to talk about. [Chandler Bing] Yes, we were just... [Rachel Green] Hi, I'm sorry I'm late but I am ready, ready to talk you up! When does Liz's father get here? [Paul Stevens] I'm already here. [Rachel Green] Oh! Ross is sooo great! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey honey, you got the kind with the little girl, you said we were gonna to get the kind with the baby. [Monica Geller] No, you said the baby creeps you out. [Chandler Bing] No, the little girl creeps me out. [Monica Geller] You said the baby. [Chandler Bing] Why would the baby creep me out? [Monica Geller] Why would the little girl creep you out? [Phoebe Buffay] You guys, I'm sorry, could you please talk a little slower? [Chandler Bing] This is going in your book? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, it's about relationships. Y'know? The traps, the pitfalls, what not to do, keep going. This stuff is great! [Monica Geller] What?! Excuse me! [Phoebe Buffay] And how none of it matters when the people really love each other. And how people will believe anything you tell them as long as it's a compliment. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh hi! [Paul Stevens] Hi! Hi. I think I left my keys here somewhere. [Rachel Green] Oh! Well let's look for them. Oh-oh-hey! Are these them? [Paul Stevens] No. [Rachel Green] All right! [Paul Stevens] Oh, here they are right here. [Rachel Green] Oh good. [Paul Stevens] Thanks for your help. [Rachel Green] Oh, wait! Sorry, Mr. Paul? Mr. Paul? [Paul Stevens] Just call me Paul. [Rachel Green] Paul. Umm, I just wanted you to know that Ross really is a great guy. [Paul Stevens] Well maybe you can date him then that would save me the trouble of killing him. Are you okay? [Rachel Green] You just don't look old enough to have a twenty-year-old daughter. [Paul Stevens] Well, we were very young when we had her. [Rachel Green] Oh. We? [Paul Stevens] Well yeah, it usually, it takes two people to... [Rachel Green] Oh no! Yes! Of course, I know that! I just-I meant y'know are you still a 'We' or are you just 'You?' [Paul Stevens] I'm just me, my wife died shortly after Lizzie was born. [Rachel Green] Ohh. So you raised her all on your own? [Paul Stevens] Yes I did. [Rachel Green] Ohh. Ooh! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Monica Geller] How was your first day? [Joey Tribbiani] Pretty great! Except I did get a little attitude from the robot. [Chandler Bing] Damn those robots, they're supposed to be our faithful servants! [Joey Tribbiani] Anyway, it wasn't the robot, it was the guy who controls him. Yeah, he doesn't like me. He had C.H.E.E.S.E. knock over the sandwich right when I was reaching for one! Ohh! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, why don't you just get him fired? [Joey Tribbiani] I may have to, I hate to do it, but I'm the star! Y'know? There's a limit to how many sandwiches I can eat off the floor. Excuse me. Joey Tribbiani. [Estelle Leonard] Joe! I'm glad I found ya, I got an audition for ya! [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! [Estelle Leonard] The thing is it's kinda on the Q.T. The actor who has the part doesn't know he might be fired. It's the lead in a series, Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!! [Estelle Leonard] Uh-oh! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Joey?! [Paul Stevens] Hi Ross. [Rachel Green] I was just getting him to like you. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Joey?! Joey!! [Rachel Green] Ross, Joey is not here. [Ross Geller] Okay, I'll just wait for him in here! [Rachel Green] Ross, it's okay. You can come out. [Paul Stevens] Yeah Ross it's okay, it's me, Mr. Stevens. [Ross Geller] Oh! Oh my God! I didn't even see you! [Paul Stevens] Sure you did! You came in, you got all awkward, and you ran into the bedroom. You were shouting, "Joey! Joey!" Bye Rach. [Rachel Green] Bye! [Paul Stevens] I'll call you later. Bye Ross. [Ross Geller] What-what-what the-how da-how did-what the-how did-what?! [Rachel Green] Well, y'know he lost his keys so he was looking for them... [Ross Geller] In your mouth?! [Rachel Green] No! Downstairs! And we got to talking y'know, for like two hours, and I really liked him so I invited him up here for a cup of coffee. [Ross Geller] You were at the coffeehouse! [Rachel Green] Ross, what's the big deal? So I kissed the guy! [Ross Geller] He is my girlfriend's father, okay? It's-it's, it's weird! [Rachel Green] Wh-You dated my sister! [Ross Geller] That was different! [Rachel Green] What? Why?! [Ross Geller] This is weird for me! [Rachel Green] Ross look, look this is good for you. Okay? Let's face it, so far the guy's not lovin' ya! But I can turn that around! I got the inside track! We can all go out to dinner, y'know? And I can talk you up! Ross, the guy is a very, very successful lawyer! [Ross Geller] How is that important? [Rachel Green] Oh it's important! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Apparently, there's like a million guys out there that can play Mac, and there's only this one robot and this one guy who controls it! I didn't know he could get me fired! What am I going to do? [Monica Geller] Well y'know Joey, you're a pretty charming guy. [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks, but I kinda have a problem to deal with here. [Monica Geller] No sweetie, you've got to win over the guy that controls C.H.E.E.S.E.! You've got to kiss some serious robot ass! [Joey Tribbiani] That's not a bad idea. Yeah. Okay, but if I got to turn on the charm tomorrow I'm not wasting anymore of it over here with you guys. Well, actually I got a little bit saved for you Pheebs. [Chandler Bing] So do you think uh, Joey's more charming than me? [Monica Geller] Yeah! That's why I'm sleeping with him on the side. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, you wish. [Phoebe Buffay] "You wish." [Monica Geller] Phoebe, stop writing about us! [Phoebe Buffay] I'm not writing about you! I'm writing about other people. [Chandler Bing] Who? [Phoebe Buffay] Marcia and Chester. [Monica Geller] Okay fine! Fine! Then you know what, I'll just write about Phyllis! Hmm! [Chandler Bing] Hmm. [Monica Geller] Phyllis is sitting in a chair. [Chandler Bing] Oh. [Phoebe Buffay] I see what you're doing! [Monica Geller] Phyllis sees what I'm doing. [Chandler Bing] Oh-oh. [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, I have tasted my own medicine and it is bitter! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Morning! Hey, how's my favorite genius and my little robot buddy?! [Wayne] Don't touch him! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay! All right. Umm, all right Wayne, level with me. Okay? I-I keep hearing all these rumors that I might get fired. Okay, they even have actors coming in to read for my part! Come on man, you-you got to give me a second chance! I mean, I love-I love this little guy! Ah-ah!! Okay, that's why you didn't want me to touch him right? Here you go! Okay? Stupid! I can't believe it! God! Hey, how you doin'? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] So it seemed that my prom date had stood me up, so Ross selflessly, offered to take me. [Elizabeth Stevens] What a nice story! [Paul Stevens] So Ross was in college and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her high school prom. [Rachel Green] Wow! I definitely did not see that one backfiring! I'm gonna go to the bathroom. [Ross Geller] Yeah, take your time. [Ross Geller] Just-just so you know I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasn't as bad as-as... [Paul Stevens] Ross, look, I know I've been giving you a lot of jabs and it's partly because I'm very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, many stories that Rachel has told me that, well you're not all bad. [Ross Geller] Not all bad. [Paul Stevens] And anyhow, I'm sorry I was so harsh before, but you have to understand that I still look at Lizzie like she's a twelve-year-old girl. [Ross Geller] Yeah. You know what? I know what you mean; I do that too. [Paul Stevens] I beg your pardon? [Ross Geller] No! No! Not-I don't mean I-I see her as a twelve-year-old girl! I mean I-I have a son, who's umm six and I still think of him as a baby. [Paul Stevens] You have a son? [Ross Geller] Yeah, well my-my ex-wife and I share custody of Ben and umm, uh, and just so you know, Carol and I are on excellent terms as I'm sure you are with your wife! Oh, I'm sorry! It's unbelievable! [Paul Stevens] Don't worry about it, I just didn't realize you were married. [Rachel Green] Oh we were, but that was just a , I mean that was just a big drunken mistake. [Ross Geller] You're back. [Paul Stevens] You two were married?! [Rachel Green] Oh! Whoops! I'm sorry, you were talking about Emily! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Chandler, we said we would meet at the coffeehouse at six. [Chandler Bing] We said seven! [Monica Geller] We said six! [Chandler Bing] The only way that I said six would be if the seven's, let meet at seven, not at six. [Monica Geller] Yeah and if I had seven, maybe I would've said something like this, "Wow! My boyfriend's such a wise ass-seven!" [Phoebe Buffay] Hi! [Chandler Bing] Oh my good God. [Monica Geller] Ugh! [Phoebe Buffay] I know what time you said. [Chandler Bing] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] Well actually, I know what time Chester and Marcia said. [Monica Geller] What time? [Phoebe Buffay] Quite an interesting turn of events, suddenly it's my book to the rescue, huh? Ooh, very interesting. Yeah, well this certainly clears things up. [Chandler Bing] What does it say?! [Phoebe Buffay] I will tell you as soon as you thank me for writing my book. [Chandler Bing] Thank you for writing your book. Its-its uh, great book and you are the queen of everything. [Phoebe Buffay] Thanks! So are you. [Chandler Bing] I told you I should not wear this color. [Phoebe Buffay] Mon... Marcia and Chester are planning on seeing a movie on Sunday night. Marcia thinks they're supposed to meet at six, Chester thinks it's at seven. [Chandler Bing] So you knew we were gonna miss the movie! [Phoebe Buffay] That's right. [Monica Geller] Inside of telling us you decided to write in your stupid book! [Phoebe Buffay] Marcia and Chester are mad at Phyllis. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] I can't believe I'm going to lose this job! [Chandler Bing] Oh I'm so sorry man! Is there anything I can do? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Help me get this mini-fridge past the security guard. [Wayne] Hey Joey, I want to talk to you. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah? Well, I don't want to talk to you Wayne! I hate you! You ruined my life! Oh, Chandler, Wayne. Wayne, Chandler. [Chandler Bing] Hi, how are ya? [Wayne] Joey, Joey, I-I-I'll g-get you your job back if you help me out. [Joey Tribbiani] Why should I help you?! [Chandler Bing] The reason he just said. [Joey Tribbiani] What do you need? [Wayne] I-I-I saw you on stage talking to that beautiful woman, y'know Sarah? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah? [Wayne] I wish I could talk to her. [Joey Tribbiani] What are you in love with her or something? [Wayne] Yeah. Her. All of them. Anyone. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I've been there my friend. [Wayne] Listen, I-I guarantee you keep your job if you can teach me how to talk to women like you do. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh wow Wayne, it's not really something you can teach y'know? It's pretty much something you're born with if you--You-you can teach it! I'll show you right how to do it. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] I mean if you think about it, I mean Ross did learn something from each marriage. [Paul Stevens] How to make the next one even shorter? [Rachel Green] Now wait a minute that's not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was married to Emily, he just didn't tell me. Maybe I have to pee again. [Paul Stevens] Well, this is fun. So Ross, did you kill any of these wives? [Ross Geller] Y'know what? I-I-I... I-I have had enough of this! Y'know, I-I-I care a great deal about your daughter and I have treated her with nothing but respect! So if-if you've got a problem with me, frankly... [Paul Stevens] Are you yelling at me?! [Ross Geller] God no! [Elizabeth Stevens] Y'know what daddy? If you don't like Ross, that's fine. It doesn't matter to me, I'm gonna go out with him anyway. [Paul Stevens] Really?! [Ross Geller] Well if it doesn't matter to her, it doesn't matter to me! Still not yelling! [Paul Stevens] Wow. What can I say? This doesn't make me like you any better! [Ross Geller] That's okay, I'm not so crazy about myself right now either. [Paul Stevens] Then we agree? [Ross Geller] Uh yeah, I guess-Yeah! I guess so. [Paul Stevens] Neither of us like Ross! [Elizabeth Stevens] I like Ross. [Ross Geller] Ohhh! Kids! [Rachel Green] Wait-wait-wait, I just thought of another story about how nice Ross is! [Ross Geller] That's okay Rach, we're not liking Ross right now. [Rachel Green] Oh! I've got a lot of those too! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Well, it turns out you were right C.H.E.E.S.E. [C.H.E.E.S.E.] The shipment never made it through Omaha? [Joey Tribbiani] You got it! And the rabbi's beard, 100% horsehair. Nice catch C.H.E.E.S.E.! It's your line C.H.E.E.S.E.! Wayne! Wayne!!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e21", "title": "The One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Paul's The Man [Phoebe Buffay] Hi, you guys. [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hi! [Rachel Green] What's the matter? [Phoebe Buffay] Well it's just-it's one of those situations that I just hate. Y'know? A massage client gave me three tickets to the Helmet-Pelts exhibit at the Morgan Chase museum. [Joey Tribbiani] Now you're thinking you gotta sleep with him. [Phoebe Buffay] No! No! It's just that he gave me three tickets and there are six of us! [Chandler Bing] I'll give up my ticket. [Joey Tribbiani] Me too. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay that's so generous! [Chandler Bing] And I think Ross is generous too. [Phoebe Buffay] Great! Okay then it's just us girls! [Monica Geller] Great. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. [Rachel Green] So what-what is the exhibit. [Phoebe Buffay] It's mostly just photographs of lesbian love scenes interspersed with video games and free sandwiches. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh man! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Ross listen Chandler got you out of going to the lesbian sandwich museum this weekend! [Ross Geller] Thanks? But I have plans; Elizabeth and I are going out of town. [Monica Geller] Oh that's great! [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Monica Geller] I mean think about all the money that you're gonna make! [Ross Geller] Why? What? [Monica Geller] Well, her father pays you for baby-sitting right? [Ross Geller] No, no, that's funny. But maybe it's time to move on, let it go, y'know? Stop it! Besides, Rachel is going out with Elizabeth's father, so ah, he's much older than she is. Looks like I'm not the only one interested in fossils, huh? [Rachel Green] I mean Ross all that does is remind us that you are interested in fossils. [Ross Geller] Okay, okay. Uh, well uh, Rachel is going to need to yell sweet nothings in his ear. [Chandler Bing] Ross. [Ross Geller] Oh, come on you guys; that's funny! Y'know? Because he's need-he's got like a hearing aide y'know, 'cause-'cause y'know, 'cause he's all old, and... [Paul Stevens] Okay look, Ross, just so you know that since Lizzie likes you so much, I've decided to accept the fact that you're going out with her. [Ross Geller] Really? That okay, that's great. [Paul Stevens] Yeah. But then I changed my mind. I'm funny like that. So I told Lizzie, now I'm telling you, I don't want you seeing my daughter anymore. [Ross Geller] All right look, I-I realize it upsets you. [Paul Stevens] Yes it does. [Ross Geller] But, Elizabeth and I are-are both adults and so I don't think there's really anything you can do about it. [Paul Stevens] I'll call the university and tell them about your relationship and have you fired. [Ross Geller] Ohh! A man with a plan! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, this is so exciting! You get your picture back up on the wall of fame! Eek! [Joey Tribbiani] I know. It was so cool when I was up there before. Me and Jim Belushi would just be crackin' up about something... Then I get fired off of Days Of Our Lives and he takes me down. Now he's just laughing at me. Look at him, that smug Belushi bastard, I'll... [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, okay maybe they put your picture back up they can put you next to Matt Lauer. Look at him, smiling at me. Yeah I know; we'd be great together! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! So I'm back. [The Dry Cleaner] Who are you? [Joey Tribbiani] Joey Tribbiani! From the wall! Okay, maybe this will jog your memory, huh? Huh? Okay eh-ah-anyway, I'm ready to go back up on the wall I'm the star of a new TV show. [The Dry Cleaner] Show me in the table. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh well, it's not on TV yet. [The Dry Cleaner] Well, then it's not on the wall yet. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, fine, I will bring you a tape, huh? [Phoebe Buffay] So umm, now do you have any of Matt Lauer's clothes here? Maybe? Just ones that haven't been cleaned yet? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Oh, I love museums! [Rachel Green] Umm. [Monica Geller] Soakin' up all the culture. [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Monica Geller] Where do you want to start? [Rachel Green] Ooh, the gift shop! [Monica Geller] Yeah! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, and then lunch. [Rachel Green] Oh, wait yes, but I can't eat too much. Paul is taking me out to dinner tonight, he said he has a big surprise planned. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh wow. What, do you think maybe he's gonna tell you that he's gay? [Rachel Green] What?! No! Why?! [Phoebe Buffay] No reason! That would just be a really big surprise, right? [The Museum Official] You can put the aisle over here , and put the wedding ceremony right over here. [Rachel Green] I didn't know you could get married here. [Monica Geller] This would be a beautiful place to get married, yeah, but I wouldn't put the aisle there and I would never have the ceremony there! I mean you'd have the ceremony under this big beautiful arch. [The Museum Official] May I help you? [Rachel Green] Oh sorry didn't mean to interrupt. It's just such a beautiful space; do you do a lot of weddings here? [The Museum Official] Yes. We're very popular. There's a two-year waiting list. Sorry! [Rachel Green] Monica, you should totally put your name down on the list [Monica Geller] What?! Are you crazy?! I'm not getting married! I'm not even engaged. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, but there's a two-year wait. And then what if you get engaged in two years and then you got to wait another two years for this place. That's four years. Chandler's not gonna wait that long. He's gonna find somebody else, y'know? Someone, someone who did put their name on the list. [Rachel Green] Yeah hon, it can't hurt to put your name down! I mean in if two years if you're not engaged you just don't use it. [Monica Geller] Well, I mean I guess there is no harm in putting my name down. [Rachel Green] I'm gonna do it too! [Phoebe Buffay] Me too! [Rachel Green] Really? Who would, who would you marry? [Phoebe Buffay] I don't know, I don't have anyone right now. Y'know? [Rachel Green] Oh Pheebs. [Phoebe Buffay] Don't feel too sorry for me. At least my boyfriend isn't gay. [Monica Geller] Phoebe, that stuff is... [Phoebe Buffay] Don't even get me started on yours! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! So, did you watch the tape of my show? [The Dry Cleaner] I did. [Joey Tribbiani] All right, let's get me back up there! [The Dry Cleaner] No! It don't go up on the wall! [Joey Tribbiani] What-But you saw the show! [The Dry Cleaner] Yes, it was very offensive to my people! [Joey Tribbiani] Dry cleaners? [The Dry Cleaner] Russians! It showed them as terrorists and villains! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay! Okay, look! You-you-you got Harrison Ford up there! [The Dry Cleaner] That's right. Mr. Ford is a very good customer, he brings us a lot of clothes; you bring us nothing! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay well that may be true. But, in-in okay, Air Force One the Russians were terrorists! And evil! And plus he kills a bunch of them! That-that-that's offensive to Russians. [The Dry Cleaner] I've never seen it! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh you should, it's great. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] This place is really beautiful! [Elizabeth Stevens] Yeah, I've been coming here since I was a kid. This used to be my Grandma's. [Ross Geller] Wow! The only thing I got from my Grandmother was her eyes. I mean not-not her actual eyeballs, but, but people say that my eyes-Do-do you want to make out? [Elizabeth Stevens] Sure! [Elizabeth Stevens] Are you okay? What's wrong? [Ross Geller] Ehh, I was just, I was just thinking about your father. [Elizabeth Stevens] Well, whatever works for ya... [Ross Geller] No. No-no uh, he just, he just really freaked me out before. [Elizabeth Stevens] Oh. Well, so we have to hide our relationship from one more person. Big deal. Besides, it's kinda fun hiding. [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Elizabeth Stevens] Hey umm, you brought protection right? [Ross Geller] Why?! Are there like bears or something?! Ohh. Oh, protection. Yeah-no, yeah-no, that-that-that I forgot. [Elizabeth Stevens] I'll just run to the store and get some. [Ross Geller] Oh no! Hey-hey, I'm the guy! I'll get it. [Elizabeth Stevens] Do you know where the store is? [Ross Geller] No. [Elizabeth Stevens] Do you want to ride around town on my little pink bicycle? [Ross Geller] A little bit. [Elizabeth Stevens] I'll be back in ten minutes. [Ross Geller] Okay. [Elizabeth Stevens] Why don't you get in the hot tub and I'll meet you there. [Ross Geller] Ohh, okay. [Rachel Green] Oh my God, what a great surprise! This is such a beautiful house. [Paul Stevens] Thank you, it's my mom's. So this is the kitchen. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] You've reached Monica and Chandler's, if you're listening to this message, we're probably screening. Yeah we are. [The Museum Official] Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. I'm calling for Monica Geller. I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if she's still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available... [Chandler Bing] This is Chandler Bing! This is Chandler Bing! Yes, the groom-No! Not the groom!! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] It's so secluded up here. [Paul Stevens] I know. I like it up here. [Rachel Green] I feel like we're the only two people in the world. Oops. Sorry. [Paul Stevens] What's the matter honey? Did you see a little mouse? [Rachel Green] No-no! Big bear! Big bear outside! I think I-I-would you-actually, would you go check on that? [Paul Stevens] Honey, we don't have any bears here. [Rachel Green] Well, okay. Would-would you get me a Diet Coke? [Paul Stevens] Okay. I'll be right back. [Rachel Green] Okay. What?! What are you doing here?! [Ross Geller] What are you doing here?! [Rachel Green] I came with Paul! [Ross Geller] Yeah, I recognize the ankles! [Rachel Green] Get up! [Paul Stevens] Here you go honey! [Rachel Green] Ahh. Thank you! [Paul Stevens] Diet Coke. [Rachel Green] Op, ice. I need ice. [Paul Stevens] Okay. [Rachel Green] Thank you. [Paul Stevens] I'll be right back. [Ross Geller] You and your ice. [Rachel Green] Ugh! Get out! Get out! Go! Come on! No! Not in there! He's in there! [Ross Geller] Did you really hear a bear? [Rachel Green] Go-go! [Paul Stevens] Here you go honey. One Diet Coke with ice. [Rachel Green] Ohh, thank you. [Paul Stevens] I'm so happy that you're here. [Elizabeth Stevens] Here I am! [Paul Stevens] Elizabeth! Oh look, Elizabeth's here! Who are you talking to? [Elizabeth Stevens] Uh, you guys? [Paul Stevens] How did you know we were here? [Elizabeth Stevens] Umm... [Rachel Green] Well, she-she ob-obviously saw the tire tracks that were leading up to the closed garage. [Elizabeth Stevens] Obviously. [Paul Stevens] Elizabeth, what are you doing here?! [Rachel Green] Did-did you come up here to work on that term paper or something? [Elizabeth Stevens] Yeah! Yep. [Rachel Green] Well, why do y'know go in that room and do your homework? [Elizabeth Stevens] Ohh, I wouldn't do it in there. That's my dad's bedroom. [Rachel Green] That's your, that's your dad's bedroom. That's your dad's bedroom! [Paul Stevens] Why are you yelling? [Rachel Green] Whoa, that Diet Coke just went straight to my head! Woo! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hi, honey. [Chandler Bing] See you later. [Monica Geller] What? I-I bought groceries, I was gonna make you dinner! [Chandler Bing] Well next time ask! Or at least wait for me to ask! [The Museum Official] Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. I'm calling for Monica Geller. [Monica Geller] Oh no! [The Museum Official] I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if she's still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available... [Monica Geller] Oh please, he didn't hear it! He didn't hear it!! [Chandler Bing] This is Chandler Bing! This is Chandler Bing! [Monica Geller] NOOOO!!!!!!!! --------------------------------------- [Female Clerk] Can I help you? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh yeah, where-where's the guy who decides who's pictures go up on the wall? [Female Clerk] He's not here right now. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, you're kidding me! All-all right, well make sure you tell him that Joey Tribbiani stopped by to drop off all of these clothes. Okay? I'm an actor; I'm kinda getting my picture up there on the wall. [Female Clerk] Y'know, there are two people who could put your picture up there. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh really? Well, maybe you and I go out for drinks? You're the other one right? --------------------------------------- [Paul Stevens] So Lizzie, are-are-are you planning on staying the night? [Elizabeth Stevens] Oh no-no believe me, I'm leaving as soon as possible! [Paul Stevens] Good. Good. Not that we don't want you to stay, obviously you're welcome-How much more homework do you have? [Elizabeth Stevens] Ahh, I just have one problem left that I do not know how to solve. Uhh, Rachel maybe you want to come upstairs and help me figure it out? [Rachel Green] Really? Okay. Okay, I-I'll go upstairs. If-if you get me something from the car. [Paul Stevens] What do you need from the car? [Rachel Green] Surprise me. [Paul Stevens] Okay. [Rachel Green] So you're gonna be in the car, I will be upstairs, and that's where everybody's gonna be! [Paul Stevens] Just relax. Just relax Paul, you're doing great. She likes you. She... Maybe, she likes you. She likes you. Y'know why? Because you're a neat guy. You are the man. You are the man! I still got it. Nice and sexy. You're just a love machine. I'm just a love machine and I won't work for nobody but you! Hey bab-y! Showtime. I'm just a love machine, yeah ba-by! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? [Monica Geller] Have you seen Chandler?! [Phoebe Buffay] No! Why? [Monica Geller] The woman from the museum called and said that there was a cancellation and that we could move up our wedding and Chandler heard! I know! How bad is this?! [Phoebe Buffay] Well for the regular guy, it's bad, but Chandler, Oh dear God! [Monica Geller] I know! I know! And he totally freaked out and I can't find him anywhere! [Phoebe Buffay] What are you gonna do? [Monica Geller] Well, I'm never gonna listen to you again, that's for sure! "Y'know, harm can it do if you go and put your name down?" [Phoebe Buffay] Rachel said that! [Monica Geller] Well Rachel's not here! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Here it is! Ooh, Joey! Why did you sign it, "Son of a bitch?" [Joey Tribbiani] I didn't do that! Who would've done that?! [The Dry Cleaner] Son of a bitch! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, maybe ask this guy. [The Dry Cleaner] You, get out of my shop! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, what did he do? [The Dry Cleaner] He went out with my wife! [Phoebe Buffay] Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, I-I-Hey! I did not go out with your wife! Okay? I went out with her! [The Dry Cleaner] That's my wife!!! Get out! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, we should go. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. --------------------------------------- [Elizabeth Stevens] Ross? Ross? [Ross Geller] Elizabeth! Okay. Okay. I'm gonna go out this window. I'll meet you at the front door. Just tell them you're going home, okay? [Elizabeth Stevens] Okay! [Rachel Green] Oh wait-wait-wait!! No! Don't go in there! Don't go in there! I need another soda! [Paul Stevens] Ross! [Rachel Green] Oh my God Ross! What in heaven's name are you doing here? [Ross Geller] And that is why we cannot see each other anymore. [Paul Stevens] Ross. You and I are going to have to have a little talk. [Elizabeth Stevens] Daddy! [Paul Stevens] You're next!! [Elizabeth Stevens] Okay. I didn't know he was here. [Paul Stevens] Let me just see if I got this straight. I tell you to stay away from my daughter or I'll have you fired. What you heard was, "Take my daughter, come up to my country house, and ruin my weekend with Rachel!" [Ross Geller] Okay, please-please Paul, just let me explain... [Paul Stevens] No, let me explain! Fired!! [Ross Geller] All right, fine! Fine! Have me fired! But uh, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different. I mean, I too am a neat guy. [Paul Stevens] What? [Ross Geller] And I too am just a love machine. [Paul Stevens] Ross, let me show you where the guest room is. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I'm so sorry. Please, stop freaking out. [Chandler Bing] I'm not freaking out. Why would I be freaking out? A woman named Heldi called and said we were getting married, but that happens everyday. [Monica Geller] Honey, we were at this beautiful place, and I-I-I just put our names down for fun! I mean, what's the harm in that? [Chandler Bing] Right here! [Monica Geller] Chandler, please don't think I was trying to pressure you. Phoebe and Rachel... [Chandler Bing] Phoebe and Rachel! So the people that knew about our wedding before me were you, Phoebe and Rachel, Heldi, and apparently some band called Starlight Magic 7 who are available by the way! [Monica Geller] It was a mistake. Please don't take this to mean anything, because it doesn't. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] Really? [Chandler Bing] Yes, if it really doesn't mean anything, because you know that I'm just not ready... [Monica Geller] I know! I know. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] I'm gonna go tell Joey that that you're back. I was really worried about you. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, did she buy it? [Chandler Bing] Totally. [Phoebe Buffay] So did Heldi show you the place? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, it's beautiful. [Phoebe Buffay] I can't believe you're gonna ask Monica to marry you! [Chandler Bing] I know. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Gunther. [Gunther] Hey! Take these cappuccinos to table 11 and that guy over there wants the biscotti. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh uh, well I just came in for a cup of coffee to go. [Gunther] Do you still work here? [Joey Tribbiani] No! No, I quit a long time ago. Did I forget to you that one? I'm sorry. [Gunther] Oh that's cool, I was gonna fire you anyway. [Joey Tribbiani] Great!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e22", "title": "The One Where Paul's The Man"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Ring [Chandler Bing] Pheebs, can you help me pick out an engagement ring for Monica? I can't figure this out! It's so hard! Should I get her a Tiffany cut or a Princess cut or a-ah-ah! Paper cut! [Phoebe Buffay] Now, have you told anyone else? [Chandler Bing] No, I don't want to tell anybody else because I don't want Monica to find out. [Phoebe Buffay] You told me. [Chandler Bing] Well, it's because I trust you, you're one of my best friends, and you walked in on me when I was looking at ring brochures. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah well, once again not knocking pays off. I only wish you hadn't been on the toilet. [Chandler Bing] Me too. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! So Chandler, wanna go to the coffeehouse? [Chandler Bing] Oh all right. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, coffeehouse. [Ross Geller] Oh perfect, we were just gonna see if you wanted to go. [Chandler Bing] Oh well, we don't because we got...the...other pl-place. [Ross Geller] How rude. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I'm sorry. You wanna bite? --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] So how are things going with Paul? [Rachel Green] Good. Although y'know, he-he's a private guy. Y'know, I wish I could get him to open up a little bit, share some feelings. [Phoebe Buffay] That's easy! You just have to think of him as a-as a jar of pickles that won't open. [Rachel Green] So what are you saying; I should run him under hot water and bang his head against a table? [Phoebe Buffay] No that's what you do when you want to get the truth out of someone. [Paul Stevens] Hi honey. [Rachel Green] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Watch this. [Paul Stevens] How are you? [Rachel Green] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Hi Paul! [Paul Stevens] Hi Phoebe. [Phoebe Buffay] So how are things going with you? [Paul Stevens] Can't complain. [Paul Stevens] Come on. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Paul Stevens] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hi! [Paul Stevens] Ross! [Ross Geller] Great to see you! [Paul Stevens] Good to see you too! [Ross Geller] How you doing? [Paul Stevens] Good. Bye! [Ross Geller] Okay! You take care! [Ross Geller] Hey Pheebs, what-what was the deal with you and Chandler blowing us off before? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! That was so weird, huh? [Ross Geller] Phoebe, why'd you do it? [Phoebe Buffay] I didn't do it! It was Chandler! He's... He's mad at you! [Ross Geller] What?! Why?! [Phoebe Buffay] Please, I think you know why. [Ross Geller] I can't think of anything. [Phoebe Buffay] Come on Ross, you're a paleontologist, dig a little deeper. [Ross Geller] Wait a minute, is it because Joey and I didn't invite him to that Knicks game a couple of weeks ago? [Phoebe Buffay] Do you think that's something that he'd be mad at you for? [Ross Geller] I guess it could. [Phoebe Buffay] Well then I think that's it. [Ross Geller] Well, if he's angry, he really shouldn't just cover it up. I-I wish he would just tell me the truth. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, if that's what you want you then you really should run his head under hot water and bang his head against a table. --------------------------------------- [Paul Stevens] Honey I made a reservation at China Garden, is that okay? [Rachel Green] Yeah that's great. But first, wait, talk to me, talk to me. Tell me about your day. [Paul Stevens] It was fine. [Rachel Green] Okay. Hey, what are you thinking? What are you thinking right now? [Paul Stevens] I'm thinking that you are looking really fine it that dress. [Rachel Green] Yeah that's great Paul, but y'know I wanna know what--Wow, those are really great! I just wanna know what, what is behind this-this strong, silent exterior. Y'know they say that still waters run deep and I wanna swim in yours. [Paul Stevens] Are you talking about having sex? [Rachel Green] No Paul, I don't know anything about you! Y'know, like-like your childhood! Tell me about your childhood! [Paul Stevens] Normal. [Rachel Green] Okay, well then how about puberty! Come on, that's always a painful time! Y'know your friends invite you to a slumber party and then they stick your hand in warm water while you're sleeping so that you pee in your sleeping bag. [Paul Stevens] Nope! That never happened to me! [Rachel Green] Well, you're lucky you never met that bitch Sharon Majesky. Anyway, umm... The rest of you life, y'know? Any regrets? [Paul Stevens] Nope. [Rachel Green] All right Paul, I'm not asking for a lot here. Okay? Just give me something. Anything! [Paul Stevens] Okay. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Paul Stevens] Okay. [Rachel Green] All right. [Paul Stevens] When I was six years old. [Rachel Green] Hm-mmm. [Paul Stevens] I wanted a big wheel. And instead my parents got me this little plastic chicken that you hop around on. It was embarrassing; kids made fun of me. That was a pretty tough year. [Rachel Green] That's-that's great! See? I already feel like I know you a little better! Thank you. Okay, come on. Now we can go eat. Let's go. [Paul Stevens] It was horrible. They called me chicken boy. [Rachel Green] Oh! [Paul Stevens] And in fifth grade I got into a fight. Well, it wasn't really a fight. Richard Darinvel bit me on the nose and, and I feel down. I still have a little scare right here you can see it. [Rachel Green] Yeah. Yeah, I-I-I see the scare. Listen, Paul, I think this is really great that-that y'know, you shared your feelings. It's really, it's beautiful, but umm, what do you say we go share some food? [Paul Stevens] Oh, I couldn't eat now. [Rachel Green] What?! Wait! What are you talking about?! You love their Kung Pao Chicken! [Paul Stevens] Chicken? Chicken boy! [Rachel Green] My God, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do that! I wouldn't do that! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Nothin! This is the nine millionth ring store we've been too and I can't find the perfect ring! Ugly ring! Ugly ring! Ugly ring! It's a beautiful selection. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, so maybe you don't get her a ring. Maybe you-maybe you do something different. Y'know? Maybe you get her an engagement bracelet, y'know? Or an engagement tiara? Or-ooh! An engagement Revolutionary War musket! (Picks one up from the display in the corner. [Chandler Bing] Y'know, I'm so glad I picked you to help me with this. [Phoebe Buffay] Huh? Can you just imagine getting down on one knee and handing her this gorgeous piece of weaponry? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I'm gonna stick with the ring. Oh, this one's nice! I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one? [Phoebe Buffay] Wait a minute, no, this is, this is the reason you brought me. Okay? I know how to haggle. So let me handle this from here on out. [Male Jeweler] Can I help you? [Chandler Bing] Uh-uh, yes. I would like to see that ring please. [Phoebe Buffay] Or not, whatever. [Male Jeweler] This ring is from the 1920s, it's a one and a half carat diamond with sapphires on either side. [Chandler Bing] Sir, can I ask you to umm, could you...hold out that ring and ask me to marry you? [Male Jeweler] Okay. Will you marry me? [Chandler Bing] Oh my God that's it, that's the ring! How much is it? [Phoebe Buffay] Chandler, I-I will handle this! How much is it? [Male Jeweler] 8,600. [Phoebe Buffay] We will give you $10. [Male Jeweler] Are you interested in this ring?! [Chandler Bing] Yes! Yes, but I can only pay $8,000. [Male Jeweler] Okay, I can let it go at eight. [Phoebe Buffay] We stand firm at $10. [Male Jeweler] How would you like to pay? [Chandler Bing] Uh, credit card. Oh no! No-no, but I left my credit card with Joey. Okay, I'll go get it. You guard the ring. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Listen, I'm sorry about before. Do you have anything her for $10. [Male Jeweler] Uh yes, I have these two rather beautiful $5 bills. [Phoebe Buffay] I'll give you $1 for them. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey, remember how Chandler and Phoebe blew us off yesterday? [Joey Tribbiani] No. [Ross Geller] Remember? You-you were eating pizza. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Okay. Well, apparently Chandler's angry at us for not getting him a ticket to that Knicks game a couple of weeks ago. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, we're supposed to just get him a ticket?! That guy is always mooching off of us! [Ross Geller] Yeah! Anyway, I-I still think we should try to patch things up, y'know? Like uh, maybe we could get him to get tickets to another Knicks game and invite him. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh wow that's a great idea! And I still have his credit card. [Gunther] Here you go. [Ross Geller] Oh. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey-hey-ho-ho, I got this one. Here you go. Y'know I gotta tell ya, sometimes I just-I don't get Chandler. Y'know, me and him do stuff all the time without you and you don't get all upset. [Ross Geller] All the time? [Joey Tribbiani] All the time! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Oh my God!! [Monica Geller] Still crying? [Rachel Green] Like a little girl. I know. I know. I know. This is all my fault; I wanted him to open up. But God, I didn't know that I was gonna unleash this-this weepy, clingy, moist monster! [Monica Geller] Y'know, I only know of two surefire ways to shut a man up. And one of them is sex. [Rachel Green] What's the other one? [Monica Geller] I don't know, I've never had to use the other one. I'm just saying y'know, if we're having sex, he's not gonna be talking. [Rachel Green] Oh that's right. You're the talker. Anyway uh, great idea! Umm, I gotta go to the store; I told him that I would buy him some more tissues. [Monica Geller] Oh, we have some... [Rachel Green] No you don't! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Okay umm, I'd also like to try on the tiara. Oh yeah. Okay. What do you think, too much? [Male Jeweler] A tad. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Then, take the tiara back and let me hold the musket again. Something's missing. It's not... Okay oh, let me see the ring my friend picked out. [Male Jeweler] Where's the 1920s princess cut ring. [Female Jeweler] I just sold it to that gentleman. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God!! No! What?! Help me! Let me out! Now! --------------------------------------- [Paul Stevens] Rachel? [Chandler Bing] No. How are ya Paul? [Paul Stevens] Okay. Chandler, did your dad ever hug you? [Chandler Bing] No, did he hug you?! [Paul Stevens] No! No! It's just that, my dad never did. I miss my dad. [Chandler Bing] Well, you can see my dad in Vegas kissing other dads. [Paul Stevens] Hey Chandler? [Chandler Bing] Yeah? [Paul Stevens] Would you.......Would you hug me? [Chandler Bing] I'm a little busy here Paul. [Paul Stevens] That's exactly what my dad used to say! [Chandler Bing] Okay, a quick one. Come on hug it out. Oh hey! There you go. Okay. [Paul Stevens] Five more seconds. [Chandler Bing] Okay! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Paul Stevens] Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa-whoa-hey-hey! Hi, Paul is it? [Chandler Bing] Do you have my credit card? [Joey Tribbiani] Yes, it's in my... In...in my pocket. My back pocket! My back pocket! [Chandler Bing] Thank God! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh hey listen I got us tickets to a Knicks game tonight. [Chandler Bing] Oh, I can't go. [Joey Tribbiani] Come on! It'll be fun! Me, you, and Ross, and... Paul probably... --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Chandler, I found the perfect ring. [Chandler Bing] Oh, that's uh, that's pretty nice but I'm gonna go with the one I picked first. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God Chandler, the one you picked is gone. It's over! [Chandler Bing] What? [Phoebe Buffay] Some guy bought it. I'm sorry. I tired to stop it but they put me in jail! [Chandler Bing] They put you in jail? [Phoebe Buffay] The little jail between the doors! [Chandler Bing] Phoebe, I asked you to guard the ring! [Phoebe Buffay] I know, I'm sorry! But y'know, this ring is better! Monica never even saw the other ring. [Chandler Bing] Yeah but when he proposed to me with the ring I got goose bumps. [Phoebe Buffay] Maybe it was the guy. [Chandler Bing] It was the ring! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! So uh, was he excited about the tickets? [Joey Tribbiani] No! He blew us off! [Ross Geller] What?! [Joey Tribbiani] I know! [Ross Geller] I can't believe it. Can I tell you something? I'm a little mad at him now. [Joey Tribbiani] Can I tell you something? Me too. [Ross Geller] Y'know what? He didn't want to talk to us about being angry, well maybe we don't talk to him at all! [Joey Tribbiani] Ooooh! Freeze him out. [Ross Geller] That's right! [Joey Tribbiani] I like it! [Ross Geller] Eh? We'll show him! [Joey Tribbiani] From now on, it's gonna be Joey and Ross, best friends. Okay! We're gonna be the new Joey and Chandler. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi. I'm back. [Paul Stevens] Hey! I have so much more to tell ya, I've written it all down! [Rachel Green] Ah that's great. No actually that's... That's great! That's really great! Y'know, I gotta tell ya writing, I mean writing, gets me uh, gets me kinda hot. [Paul Stevens] Wait! Wait! Listen! Listen to this! Y'know what I wanted to be when I was that age? [Rachel Green] A lover? [Paul Stevens] A surfer. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah surfer? [Paul Stevens] I wanted to be one with the waves, y'know? [Rachel Green] Okay, hold on real quick, hold on a second let me just uh, get a little more comfortable here. Wait, now wait a second, this isn't too revealing is it? [Paul Stevens] No. What ever happened to that little dude. So full of dreams... [Rachel Green] I don't care about the little dude! I can't! I cannot listen to anymore of this! Y'know, the only person who would want to listen to this is a mental health professional! And then it's only because they get paid $100 an hour! Do you know how much money I could've made listening to you? $2,000! And do you know when I figured that out? While you were talking! [Paul Stevens] What?! I can't believe you're trying to stifle me! When just 14 hours ago we figured out that that is exactly what my mother was trying to do to me! [Rachel Green] Oh... I'm sorry. I... I-I don't mean-I didn't mean to stifle you. I... This is all just a little overwhelming. [Paul Stevens] Oh Rachel, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to overwhelm you. It's just that, when those gates open, you... Hard to close 'em. But they are closed now. Believe me. [Rachel Green] I'm so glad, I'm so glad you shared. And I'm glad that you're done. What do you say we umm... [Paul Stevens] I would really like that. --------------------------------------- [Paul Stevens] That was...so good. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. [Chandler Bing] I can't believe I let you talk me into buying this stupid gumball machine looking ring! [Phoebe Buffay] It's not a stupid gumball machine looking ring! It's a beautiful ring! [Chandler Bing] No, it's not! When I looked at the other ring I could see Monica's face when I gave it to her, y'know? And I could see her saying yes. When I look at this ring, all I see is a ring! Unless I look at it really closely and then I can see my own eye. Look, this is the most important thing I'm gonna do in my life. I wanna make sure it's perfect. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. There may be a way that we can get the other ring back. 'Cause I heard the guy tell the jeweler where he was going to propose. So maybe we can get him to trade rings or something. [Chandler Bing] I can't do that. [Phoebe Buffay] Well you certainly can't give her that stupid gumball ring. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] There he is! [Chandler Bing] Okay and he hasn't proposed yet because she has no ring on her finger. [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! You're good! After this, we should solve crimes. [Chandler Bing] Yeah! Okay, go, go, go get him. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, okay. Excuse me sir? Could you come with me please? You have a phone call. [Customer] Who is it? [Phoebe Buffay] It is your office. [Customer] Do you know who at my office? [Phoebe Buffay] John? [Customer] Oh John! Great! [Phoebe Buffay] Here he is. [Chandler Bing] Hi! Hi. Okay, there was a slight mix-up at the jewelry store, the ring you're about to propose with was supposed to be held for me. So, I'm gonna need to have that back. But, in exchange I'm willing to trade you this beautiful, more expensive ring. Ew. [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! I would trade. [Customer] It is beautiful, but I'm gonna use this one. Now, if you'll excuse me. [Chandler Bing] No-no! This is my fiancee and her heart was set on that ring. You don't want to break her heart now do you? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, do you want to break a dying woman's heart? [Customer] You're dying?! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, she's dying... Of a cough apparently. [Phoebe Buffay] Yes, and it is my dying wish to have that ring. See, if I'm not buried with that ring then my spirit is going to wander the nether world for all eternity... [Chandler Bing] Okay, that's enough honey! [Customer] I don't know. Let me see the ring. [Chandler Bing] Great! Okay, here. [Customer] All right. [Chandler Bing] Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! And you are about to marry a wonderful man! Hey! I'm marrying a dead woman! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Guys? I've got something important to tell ya. Guys? Guys?! I'm gonna ask Monica to marry me. [Joey Tribbiani] I think we gotta end the freeze out. [Ross Geller] Wait a minute, is this, is this for real? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, check out the ring. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God!! [Ross Geller] So you two are really serious?! [Chandler Bing] Yep, pretty much. [Ross Geller] You-you're gonna get married?! I mean... We're gonna be brothers-in-law! [Joey Tribbiani] And-and-and-and-and-and, and we're gonna be friends again! [Chandler Bing] Heyyyy-What? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh it's water under the bridge, forget it! [Chandler Bing] Okay! I was gonna wait 'til uh, it was official y'know? But I got so excited I just had to tell you guys because you're my best friends. [Joey Tribbiani] I think I'm gonna cry! [Rachel Green] Ugh! No more crying! Please! I just dumped one cry baby, I'll dump you too! [Chandler Bing] I'm gonna ask Monica to marry me. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh Chandler!! You guys are gonna be so happy! [Chandler Bing] I know. [Joey Tribbiani] Where's all the tissues?! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Check out the ring. [Rachel Green] Nice! One and a half carat easy. [Phoebe Buffay] Hi. [Ross Geller] Hey-hey Pheebs! [Phoebe Buffay] What? [Ross Geller] Chandler's gonna ask Monica to marry him! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh I know, I helped pick out the ring. [Ross Geller] You told her before you told us? [Chandler Bing] Well, she walked in when I was looking at the ring brochures. You can understand that, right? Guys? Guys?

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e23", "title": "The One With The Ring"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Proposal, Part 1 [Ross Geller] God that is the most beautiful engagement ring ever! [Rachel Green] Yeah? Well, you should know. You've bought like a billion of 'em. [Ross Geller] Yeah, you didn't get one. [Chandler Bing] Okay, well tonight's the big night. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay listen, how are you gonna ask her? [Chandler Bing] It is going to be perfect. I am taking her to her favorite restaurant. I'm going to get her a bottle of the champagne that she really loves; therefore knows how expensive it is. Then when the glasses are full, instead of proposing a toast I'm just gonna propose. [Rachel Green] Ohh... [Joey Tribbiani] That sounds perfect! [Chandler Bing] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] You're gonna mess it up let me do it. [Chandler Bing] I'm not gonna mess it up. [Phoebe Buffay] If she says no, can I have the ring? [Chandler Bing] She's not gonna say no. [Phoebe Buffay] If! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hi Monica. [Chandler Bing] Give me it! [Phoebe Buffay] It's gone. [Chandler Bing] Phoebe! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hi Monica. [Phoebe Buffay] We're practically kissing. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Rach! [Rachel Green] Are any of you guys free tonight? My boss is hosting this charity event for underprivileged kids and the more people I bring, the better I look. So, Monica? Chandler? [Chandler Bing] Well, Monica and Chandler can't go. We're going to dinner remember?! [Rachel Green] Oh my God, I'm so sorry. [Monica Geller] What's the big deal? [Chandler Bing] I just get mad when Rachel doesn't remember where we're going. [Joey Tribbiani] Where are you going? [Rachel Green] How about you guys? [Phoebe Buffay] Open bar? [Rachel Green] I think so. [Phoebe Buffay] I can do that for the kids. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, y'know what? I'll come too. I'm making money now; it's about time I give something back. [Chandler Bing] Well, you could also give back the money you owe me. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. Have a benefit. [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey! Ross, listen can you come to a charity event tonight? [Ross Geller] Oh no, I have plans with Elizabeth. [Chandler Bing] Oh, so you're already doing your part for the kids. [Ross Geller] I'm sorry, it's just one of my last nights together before she leaves for camp-to be a counselor! [Monica Geller] Ross let me ask you a question. All jokes aside, where is this relationship going? [Chandler Bing] Wait a minute, all jokes aside? I didn't agree to that! [Monica Geller] Do you really see this as a long-term thing? [Ross Geller] I don't know. [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know, you are 12 years older than her. [Ross Geller] Wait a minute, does-does everyone feel this way? [#ALL#] Yeah! Yeah, sort of. I'm sorry. [Ross Geller] Uh-uh-Wow! Uh, I thought you guys were just like making jokes, I had no idea. What you know what? You guys are wrong. Uh yes, there is a chronological age difference but I never notice it. You know why? Because she is very mature. Besides, it doesn't really matter to me what you guys think. I mean, I'm the one dating Elizabeth, not you! [Joey Tribbiani] That's not what she said last night. [Rachel Green] See? Now, he could date her. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Will you marry me? Will you marry me? Hey, you marry me! What's going on little elves? [Joey Tribbiani] It's the big night! We wanted to wish you good luck! [Ross Geller] Yeah, yeah you have the ring? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, right here in my pocket. Pheebs? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Oop! [Chandler Bing] Okay, now will you guys get out of here? I want this is to be a surprise and she's gonna know. [Ross Geller] Yeah-yeah you guys. Get out of here! [Monica Geller] Hi guys. [Chandler Bing] You are beautiful. [Monica Geller] Oh, thank you! What's going on? [Rachel Green] We're just really...very excited about this charity event that we have to go to. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Here. [Rachel Green] Oh! Thank you! [Phoebe Buffay] So now what's going on here? [Rachel Green] Uh well, uh this is a silent auction. They lay out all the stuff here and then you write down your offer and then the highest bid gets it. [Phoebe Buffay] No, I know what a silent is I meant, what's going on with your hair? [Rachel Green] Uh, wh-why? [Phoebe Buffay] No! It's nice! [Mr. Thompson] Nice to see you Rachel. [Rachel Green] Oh, hi! [Mr. Thompson] So glad you brought someone. [Rachel Green] Someone? I brought people. Mr. Thompson, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, this is Mr. Thompson. He's the head of my department. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, hi. [Rachel Green] And I also brought my friend Joey... [Joey Tribbiani] Oh!! Shrimp toast! [Rachel Green] Well, y'know I-I don't know where he is. [Mr. Thompson] Well, I hope you're gonna bid on some things Rachel. [Rachel Green] Well, y'know what? Actually, I was about to bid on this lovely trip to Paris. [Mr. Thompson] Ohh, nice choice. [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Mr. Thompson] Good luck. [Rachel Green] Thank you. Okay, twenty dollars. --------------------------------------- [Zoe] Shut the door! Shut the door!! [Ross Geller] What's-what's going on? [Elizabeth Stevens] The guys across the hall are throwing water balloons at us. [Ross Geller] Oh, you have to call the police! That's what I did to the kids in my building! [Elizabeth Stevens] No, it's a water balloon fight! We started it! [Ross Geller] Oh! Listen umm, I, I just stopped by to see if you wanted to see this play tonight. Umm, it's supposed to be excellent. The director is the same... [Elizabeth Stevens] Who drank all the Kamikazes? [Sarah] Nobody! We put them in here! [Elizabeth Stevens] You want some?! [Ross Geller] No! Okay! Okay! Okay, look, can I, can I just-just talk to you for a second? [Elizabeth Stevens] Yeah, sure. [Ross Geller] Uh, so this play umm, what do you think? It's-it's gotten great reviews! Y'know the uh... [First Dorm Guy] Attack! [Second Dorm Guy] Put your balloons down! [The Girls] You put your balloons down!! [First Dorm Guy] You put your balloons down!! [Ross Geller] Everybody put their balloons down!!! Now this is a nice suit!! --------------------------------------- [Mr. Thompson] Our next item is the romantic trip to Paris. It goes to Emil Alexander high a high bid of 2,300. [Rachel Green] Ugh! So close! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey you guys! Look! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] I got me some drinks! [Rachel Green] What are you doing? [Phoebe Buffay] Open bar! [Rachel Green] Well now it's an empty bar. [Phoebe Buffay] You just can't stand anyone else enjoying themselves can't you? [Mr. Thompson] And finally, our biggest item of the night, the 22-foot gentleman's day sailer sailboat. The winning bid was a whooping $20,000! [Joey Tribbiani] I won! That was my guess! [Rachel Green] What?! What?! What?! [Joey Tribbiani] I guessed 20,000! [Rachel Green] Joey! It is an auction! You don't guess, you buy! [Joey Tribbiani] What?! I don't have 20,000! [Mr. Thompson] Congratulations on your new boat, Joey Tribbiani!! [Rachel Green] Joey! Sit down! [Phoebe Buffay] Forget her! You enjoy this!! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] What are you doing? [Chandler Bing] One nation, under God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. I remembered it. The champagne is here. [Monica Geller] Are you okay? [Chandler Bing] Yes! Yes! I'm good! Are you good? Are you good? Is everything-are you-are you perrr-perfect?! [Monica Geller] Yeah. I'm okay. I'm actually-I'm a little cold, can I have your jacket? [Chandler Bing] Oh, yeah. Uh, no you can't have my jacket! Because then I would be cold! If you thought that you were going to be cold, you should've brought your own jacket. But uh, other than that, are you okay? Are you okay? [Monica Geller] Are you sure you're okay? [Chandler Bing] Yes! I'm fine. In fact I've been fine for a long time now and I think, the reason is you. [Monica Geller] Ohh that's sweet! [Chandler Bing] Okay umm, before I meant you I had really little life and I couldn't imagine growing old with... [Monica Geller] Oh my God! [Chandler Bing] I know, but just let me say it. [Monica Geller] Oh my God, Richard. [Chandler Bing] What?! I'm Chandler! Oh, that's Richard! [Monica Geller] Oh God, maybe he won't see us. Richard! [Richard Burke] Monica! Chandler! [Chandler Bing] Hey-hey, hey! I don't know why I did that! [Monica Geller] Hey, it's good to see you! [Richard Burke] You too, you let uh, your hair grow long. [Monica Geller] Yeah-Oh that's right. You, you always wanted me too. Hey, I see you got your mustache back. [Richard Burke] Well, my nose got lonely. [Chandler Bing] And uh, you don't have a mustache which is good. I'm Chandler; I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable. [Richard's Date] Hi, I'm Lisa. [Chandler Bing] Hi. [Richard Burke] Oh, I'm sorry. Lisa, Monica, Chandler. We used to date. [Chandler Bing] Richard! No one supposed to know about us! See I, did it again. [Monica Geller] Chandler, wh-why don't we sit down? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I'll sit down. [Monica Geller] It's good to see you [Matire'D] You're table's ready sir. [Richard Burke] Oh. Good to see you guys. [Chandler Bing] Yes. [Matire'D] Or if you prefer, this table is available. [Richard Burke] That might be fun. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] What were you thinking?! [Joey Tribbiani] I didn't know it was an auction! [Rachel Green] Wh?! [Joey Tribbiani] I figured, take a guess, help a charity, free boat! [Rachel Green] Why would a charity give away a free boat?! [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know! Charity? [Rachel Green] Ugh! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, just buy the damn boat! [Rachel Green] Phoebe, don't you think you've had enough to drink? [Phoebe Buffay] I'm just helping the kids! [Rachel Green] How is you drinking helping the kids? [Phoebe Buffay] Because the more I drink, the less there is for the kids to drink. [Mr. Thompson] Mr. Tribbiani. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh hi! [Mr. Thompson] Your generous contribution brings us a big step closer to building the youth center. [Joey Tribbiani] Just out of curiosity, how-how much is that boat worth? [Mr. Thompson] I think it was valued at 19,000 [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, I was pretty close. Uhh, so bad news. Umm, I can't buy the boat, I don't have any money. [Rachel Green] Joey! Joey, good one! [Mr. Thompson] That's good. Very good! [Joey Tribbiani] So uh listen, I think I'm gonna take off now. [Rachel Green] Hey! You...can't...leave Joey! You agreed to buy that boat, all right?! That is a contract! And plus if you leave, my boss is gonna kill me! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, what am I gonna do Rach?! I don't have that kind of money! [Rachel Green] I know. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. All right, this is what we're gonna do, we are gonna go to the next highest bidder, and we are just gonna let them buy it, and then you're just gonna pay the difference. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Look, I don't know why the kids need a youth center anyway! Y'know? They should just watch TV after school like I did and I turned out fine! [Rachel Green] Not great. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] And so, we're hiding in the bathroom. [Richard Burke] And-and then I sneak out and before Monica can her parents come in. [Monica Geller] So I hide in the shower and the next thing you know they're going at it right on the bathroom floor. [Lisa] Oh my God! [Chandler Bing] I got a good one, I got a good one! I once walked in on both my parents making love to the same guy. [Richard Burke] It's so great seeing you guys again. I'd like to make a toast. Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds it's morning and is refreshed." [Monica Geller] Ohh. [Chandler Bing] What?! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Oh my God, you guys!! [Chandler Bing] Before you say anything, have we got a story for you! Guess who we bumped into at dinner! [Ross Geller] Who? [Chandler Bing] Richard! [Ross Geller] What? A-ohh! Ohh. Oh that's right that's right. That's Richard's favorite place too. [Chandler Bing] Oh you knew that. Good! [Monica Geller] I thought you were going out with Elizabeth. [Ross Geller] Yeah, I was but uh, she was a little busy with a water balloon fight. [Monica Geller] Oh Ross, sometimes grown-ups have commitments they just can't get out of! [Ross Geller] Y'know, maybe she is too young for me. Y'know, when I was over there and she was running around with her friends, I felt like I was a baby-sitter. I finally started to see what you guys were talking about. I don't know what to do. [Monica Geller] Why don't you just weigh out the good stuff about the relationship against the bad stuff. I mean that's what I did when I first weighing stuff. [Ross Geller] Okay umm, bad stuff. Well, I'm-I'm 12 years older than she is. [Monica Geller] If the school finds out you're fired. [Ross Geller] Hmm. [Monica Geller] She's leaving for three months. [Chandler Bing] For camp! [Ross Geller] Okay, good stuff. Umm, well she's-she's sweet and pretty and... [Monica Geller] Look Ross, the only question you need to ask is, "Do you see a future?" I mean like do you see yourself marrying her? Oh my God! You did it already! You married her, didn't you?! [Ross Geller] No! No! I...didn't do that. It's just... Okay, honestly no. I don't, I don't see a big future with her. [Monica Geller] Okay well I think...that's your answer. [Ross Geller] I've got to talk to her. Ugh, I hate this part. [Chandler Bing] Hey, you have to forget about Elizabeth. I mean if you're not careful you may not get married at all this year! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Rach! Rachel! Okay, the next highest bidder is at table one. [Rachel Green] Oh great! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh and uh the guy who got the Paris trip is at table four. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, okay. [Rachel Green] Why do you care about the guy who won the Paris trip? [Phoebe Buffay] It's a trip for two! Excuse me. Excuse me, is the person who won the Paris trip at this table? [Emil Alexander] That was me. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, en chante. [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh, excuse me is there a Mr. Bowmont at this table? [Mr. Bowmont] That's me. [Joey Tribbiani] Ahh, yes. [Rachel Green] Oh well, hello. This is your lucky day Mr. Bowmont, the uh gentleman day sailer as just become available again and I believe that you made a bid of $18,000. [Joey Tribbiani] You-you have to pay that! It's not just a guess. [Rachel Green] Okay. Okay. [Mr. Bowmont] I was actually relieved uh I didn't win the boat. My wife would've killed me. [Rachel Green] Ohh... [Joey Tribbiani] Are you kidding me?! She's gonna this boat! [Rachel Green] Y-Yeah! What-what is your wife's name? [Mr. Bowmont] It's Pam. [Rachel Green] Pam! Oh God okay, just imagine this, "The Pam." [Joey Tribbiani] Aw-awww! [Mr. Bowmont] I don't think she'd like that. [Rachel Green] Okay, uh-uh imagine this, "The Mr. Bowmont." [Joey Tribbiani] Oooooh... [Mr. Bowmont] I don't think so dear. [Rachel Green] Okay look, let me paint you a little picture. All right, you are settin' sail up the Hudson! You've got the wind in your h--arms! You-you get all that peace and quiet that you've always wanted! You get back to nature! You can go fishin'! You can-ooh, you can get one of those little hats and have people call you captain, and then when you're old, Cappy. [Mr. Bowmont] What the hell, it's for a good cause! All right! [Joey Tribbiani] No way! It's mine!! [Rachel Green] What?! What?! [Joey Tribbiani] All that stuff you just said? I want that! [Rachel Green] But Joey you don't have $20,000! [Joey Tribbiani] Who cares?! I-I'll make payments, whatever it takes, I want the Mr. Bowmont!! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God, you're back! [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, let me see it! Let me see your hand! [Monica Geller] Why do you want to see my hand? [Phoebe Buffay] I wanna see what's in your hand. I wanna see the trash. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] Eww! Oh, it's all dirty. You should throw this out. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Chandler Bing] What did you guys just do?! [Phoebe Buffay] What happened? [Chandler Bing] Richard was there so I couldn't do it! [Joey Tribbiani] What?! Noooo... [Chandler Bing] I'm gonna do it tomorrow y'know, and-and surprise her, but now you've ruined it! [Joey Tribbiani] We didn't ruin it! [Chandler Bing] Who walks into a room and asks to see a person's hands?! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, a palm reader, a manicurist, a hand doctor... [Joey Tribbiani] Glove salesman! [Phoebe Buffay] Good one! Yeah. [Chandler Bing] This is terrible. What am I going to do? [Phoebe Buffay] Look, she only suspects something okay? She doesn't know for sure, so just throw her off the track. [Chandler Bing] That's right, I can throw her off. I can make her think marriage is the last thing on my mind. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! Yeah! Convince her that-that you're scared of commitment! Convince her that you're a little coward! [Chandler Bing] I can do that, I've had 30 years of practice. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, being you is finally gonna pay off! [Monica Geller] I had to go all the way to the basement because some idiot keeps stuffing the trash chute with pizza boxes! [Joey Tribbiani] That guy's still doing that?! [Rachel Green] Hey! Oh my God you're here, let me see your hand!! [Phoebe Buffay] No, you're too late!!! She already took out the trash!!! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Wow! I have never had such a healthy break-up! She was such a grown-up about it! She didn't seem too immature for me! Did I just make a huge mistake? [Elizabeth Stevens] Ross! Wait! [Ross Geller] Elizabeth, thank God! I was just thinking about... [Elizabeth Stevens] You suck!! [Ross Geller] What?! [Ross Geller] Okay, break-up's still on! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Okay, okay, here she comes! How do I look? Do I look like a guy who doesn't want to get married? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! And also, a little like a French guy. I never noticed that before. [Monica Geller] Hi guys! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Monica Geller] What are you up too? [Chandler Bing] Oh, just hanging out, talkin' about uh, websites. Yeah, we saw this really interesting website about marriage and how totally unnecessary it is and how its just a way for the government to keep tabs on you. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, Big Brother. [Monica Geller] Well that's a little crazy. Although I am y'know glad to hear that you're branching out on what you look at on the Internet. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, well... Y'know, it just got me thinking though, why would anybody ever want to get married huh? [Monica Geller] Why?! To celebrate your relationship! To solidify your commitment! To declare your love for one another to the world! [Chandler Bing] Eh... [Monica Geller] Okay well that's good to know. [Joey Tribbiani] The Mr. Bowmont's here!!! --------------------------------------- [Waitress] Hey Monica, there's a customer who wants to complement the chef, should I let him in? [Monica Geller] Sure, I love this part! [Waitress] Come on in. [Richard Burke] Hi! [Monica Geller] Richard! [Richard Burke] Actually, I'm not here to complement the chef. [Monica Geller] Ohh... Oh, that's okay I hate when people come back to complement the chef. Like I have nothing better to do! So what's up? [Richard Burke] Well, it was great seeing you the other night. [Monica Geller] Oh, good to see you too. Did you come down here to tell me that? [Richard Burke] No! I came here to tell you something else. I came here to tell you I still love you.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e24", "title": "The One With The Proposal, Part 1"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Proposal, Part 2 [Monica Geller] What uh-What did you-What?! [Richard Burke] I still love you. And I know I probably shouldn't even be here telling you this, I mean you're with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say he's straight I'll believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I didn't tell ya I'd regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did. [Monica Geller] Y'know you're really not supposed to be back here! [Richard Burke] Well yeah, I'm sorry. I know this is the wrong time and the wrong place but I had to tell ya! I wanna spend my life with you. I wanna marry you. I wanna have kids with you. [Monica Geller] Oh God... Why don't they put chairs back here?! [Richard Burke] I know this is crazy but am I too late? [Monica Geller] What the... Yes you're too late! Where was all this three years ago?! [Richard Burke] Well I know I was an idiot! And I tried to forget you, I really did! Y'know after we had lunch last year I spent six months in Africa trying to get you out of my head! [Monica Geller] What were you doing in Africa? [Richard Burke] Working with blind kids. [Monica Geller] Ohhh! What are you doing to me?! Oh look, I-I... I'm sorry but umm, this-this-this-this is not going to happen. [Richard Burke] Okay that's fine, I'll walk away. And I'll never bother you again, but only if you tell me Chandler's willing to give you everything I am. [Monica Geller] Well he is! Yeah, I mean marriage is all he talks about! My goodness, in fact, I'm the one that's making him wait! [Richard Burke] You are? [Monica Geller] Yeah! [Richard Burke] Why? [Monica Geller] Why? Because of the government. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Isn't it incredible?! Monica and Chandler, gettin' married. [Phoebe Buffay] I know, they're gonna be so happy together. [Rachel Green] Ohh... I mean two best friends falling in love, how often does that happen? [Phoebe Buffay] Not that often! [Rachel Green] No! I'm so happy for them! [Phoebe Buffay] Me too! So happy for them! [Rachel Green] I'm so happy and not at all jealous. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no! No God, definitely not jealous! [Rachel Green] I mean I'm probably 98% happy, maybe 2% jealous. And I mean what's 2%? That's nothing. [Phoebe Buffay] Totally. I'm like 90/10. [Rachel Green] Yeah me too. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey uh, have you guys scene Chandler? [Rachel Green] Wh-no, but y'know who did stop in here looking for ya, Tennille. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] So that marriage stuff that you were saying yesterday, you don't really believe that do you? [Chandler Bing] Sure I do. In fact, I think the whole concept of marriage is unnatural. I mean look at pigs. Let's take a second here and look at pigs. Okay pigs don't mate for life. I mean a pig can have like a hundred sexual partners in a lifetime, and that's just an ordinary pig not even a pig that's good at sports! [Monica Geller] Yeah, but that's pigs not people! [Chandler Bing] If marriage worked, I'd be all for it. But do you know what the divorce rate in this country is? 97%. [Monica Geller] Wait a minute. Are you honestly telling me that-that you may never want to get married? [Chandler Bing] Well, never say never but y'know probably uh yeah, never. [Monica Geller] Oh my God! Then-then-then what are we even doing?! What is this?! [Chandler Bing] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What is all this pressure?! Is this some new kind of strategy? Why don't you put down your copy of 'The Rules' huh mantrap?! [Monica Geller] Y'know what?! I gotta go! Ugh! [Chandler Bing] It's okay, I got a plan. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] We're gonna find love! [Phoebe Buffay] Definitely! [Rachel Green] Yeah, I'm pretty confident about that. That's what makes it so easy for me to be 80% happy for Monica and Chandler! It would be nice to have a little guarantee though. [Phoebe Buffay] What do you mean? [Rachel Green] Well y'know, some people make deals with a friend, like if neither of them are married by the time they're 40, they marry each other. [Phoebe Buffay] You mean a backup? [Rachel Green] Exactly! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, yeah I got that. [Rachel Green] You do? [Phoebe Buffay] Hm-mmm. [Rachel Green] Who? [Phoebe Buffay] Joey. [Rachel Green] Joey?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! [Rachel Green] Are you serious?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I locked him years ago! [Rachel Green] Wh... So... If neither of you are married by the time you're 40, you're gonna marry Joey. [Phoebe Buffay] Yep, we shook on it. Yeah but believe me that is not how he wanted to seal the deal. [Rachel Green] Oh, seriously? [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, yeah. I think his exact words were... [Rachel Green] Charming. [Phoebe Buffay] Well hey, it's just a backup. [Rachel Green] Yeah. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Monica! [Monica Geller] Have you seen Rachel? Or a mirror? [Joey Tribbiani] This is for my boat, pretty cool huh? [Monica Geller] Yeah, it's great. [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa-whoa, what's the matter?! Talk to the captain! [Monica Geller] I'm just having one of those days where you realize you're in a dead-end relationship! [Joey Tribbiani] Chandler giving you a hard time huh? [Monica Geller] It's not like I want to get married tomorrow! It's just that I-I'd like to believe that I'm in a relationship that's actually going somewhere, that I'm not just wasting my time! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, you know Chandler. [Monica Geller] No I don't know Chandler! Not anymore! It's like it's like something's changed. [Joey Tribbiani] Maybe you changed? [Monica Geller] I didn't change! [Joey Tribbiani] Maybe that's the problem. [Monica Geller] What?! [Joey Tribbiani] Chandler is a complex fellow, one who is unlikely to take a wife. [Monica Geller] Is that some kind of boat talk? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know! I haven't totally decided how to talk on my boat yet. [Monica Geller] What does he think? Does he think I'm just gonna wait around for nothing? [Joey Tribbiani] Monica face it, Chandler is against marriage. And-and always will be! [Monica Geller] Well there's some people who do want to marry me. [Joey Tribbiani] There are? [Monica Geller] Yeah! Richard! [Joey Tribbiani] R-R-Richard said he wants to marry you?! And-and Chandler's tellin' ya how much he hates marriage?! [Monica Geller] That's right. [Joey Tribbiani] Chandler loves marriage!! [Monica Geller] You just told me that he hates marriage! That-that he's a-a complex fellow who's unlikely to take a wife! That-that he's against marriage and always will be! [Joey Tribbiani] You got that from what I said?! --------------------------------------- [Narrator] When the Cretaceous period ended, the dinosaurs were gone. [Ross Geller] What happened you guys? [Ross Geller] Rach! [Rachel Green] Hey you! [Ross Geller] Hey, come on in. [Rachel Green] Oh thank you. Hey y'know, I'm so sorry to hear about you and Elizabeth. [Ross Geller] Oh, thanks. Yeah, I really thought we'd be able to make it work, but uh, I guess it just wasn't meant to be. [Rachel Green] Yeah, love. It's a tricky business isn't it? [Ross Geller] I guess so. [Rachel Green] So what do you say we make a pact? If you and I are both single by the time we're 40, we get married. I mean, we know each other, we like each other, and we've-we've already slept together so y'know there'll be no surprises there! You know what I mean? No like, "What's that?!" [Ross Geller] Right. Ohh! You-you want me to be your backup. [Rachel Green] Exactly. [Ross Geller] Ohh, yeah I already have one. [Rachel Green] What? Who? [Ross Geller] Phoebe. [Rachel Green] Phoebe?! Wait a-but-but she just, she said that Joey was her backup. [Ross Geller] Ohh, I don't think so. [Rachel Green] Ross! I just had a conversation with her, and she said that she and Joey made a deal! [Ross Geller] That's impossible! I mean we have had a deal for years! We-we-we shook on it, although believe me she wanted to do a lot more than that. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Where the hell have you been?! [Chandler Bing] I was making a coconut phone with the professor. [Joey Tribbiani] Richard told Monica he wants to marry her! [Chandler Bing] What?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Yeah, I've been trying to find ya to tell to stop messing with her and maybe I would have if these damn boat shoes wouldn't keep flying off! [Chandler Bing] My-Oh my God! [Joey Tribbiani] I know! They suck!! [Chandler Bing] He's not supposed to ask my girlfriend to marry him! I'm supposed to do that! [Joey Tribbiani] I know! [Chandler Bing] Well what... Y'know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go over there; I'm gonna kick his ass! Will you help me?! [Joey Tribbiani] Look, Chandler I don't think us getting our asses kicked is a solution. Okay? Just go and find Monica! [Chandler Bing] You're right. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! [Chandler Bing] Okay. I'm gonna get the ring! I'm gonna get the ring! I'm gonna go find her and I'm just going to propose! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Chandler Bing] Okay great. [Joey Tribbiani] Dude-dude-dude! [Chandler Bing] What?! [Joey Tribbiani] Let me know about that coconut phone, it might great for the boat. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hi. [Richard Burke] Hi. [Monica Geller] I don't know why I'm here. [Richard Burke] I didn't ask. You wanna come in? [Monica Geller] I don't know. [Richard Burke] Oh, okay. Well, I'll just leave the door open and go sit on the couch. [Monica Geller] Chandler is such an idiot! [Richard Burke] Drink? [Monica Geller] Yeah, I'll have a scotch... [Richard Burke] ...on the rocks with a twist? I remember. [Monica Geller] Still smoking cigars? [Richard Burke] Uh, no! No! That's...art! If it bothers you I can put my art out. [Monica Geller] No that's, that's okay. [Richard Burke] So Monica let me ask you a question. Y'know, since we broke up do you ever, think about me? [Monica Geller] Uh yeah, I-I actually I thought about you a couple months ago. [Richard Burke] Oh really? [Monica Geller] Yeah but it was because I-I had an eye exam and I don't like my new eye doctor. [Richard Burke] Who is it? [Monica Geller] Edward Nevski? [Richard Burke] Yeah he's no good. Do you ever think about me in a non-eye doctor way? [Monica Geller] No. [Richard Burke] Ahh. [Monica Geller] But getting over was the hardest thing that I've ever had to do. And I never let myself think about you. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Phoebe! You picked Joey and Ross?! You can not have two backups! [Phoebe Buffay] Of course I can! It's just good sense to backup your backup! Look, I've already lost Chandler! [Rachel Green] What?! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Phoebe! We're both your backup?! [Ross Geller] Phoebe, how could you do this to me?! [Phoebe Buffay] I don't-Look I don't know what you're complaining about now? You were both aware of the situation! [Joey Tribbiani] No we weren't! [Ross Geller] I was not! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, this kind of back talk is not gonna fly when we're married! [Rachel Green] Phoebe you can't have both of them! You have to pick one! [Joey Tribbiani] Pick me!! [Ross Geller] No! Pick me! I don't want to end up an old maid! [Phoebe Buffay] All right well let's see, Ross is a good father, but Joey has a boat-This is hard! [Joey Tribbiani] This is crazy! Hey look, I wanna switch to Rachel! [Ross Geller] Ooh, I wanna switch to Rachel too! [Phoebe Buffay] No wait! Just-Okay-Just wait! You guys! Wait you guys! Don't make any rash decisions, okay? Just remember my promise, when we get married, three times a week. [Rachel Green] Oh God, Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] I'm talking about massages. [Rachel Green] Oh. [Rachel Green] Okay, y'know what?! I know-I know how to settle this! All right here, this is what we're gonna do! I'm gonna write Joey on one napkin and I'm gonna right Ross on the other napkin and we are going to pick one! And that person is going to be our backup! Okay? [Joey Tribbiani] Okay that's fair. [Ross Geller] All right. [Phoebe Buffay] Good! [Rachel Green] Pick one. [Phoebe Buffay] Left! Thank you. [Rachel Green] You're welcome. [Phoebe Buffay] Ross! [Rachel Green] Joey! We should just switch. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah absolutely! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I missed you-you ugly, flat faced old freak! [Richard Burke] Excuse me? [Monica Geller] Oh! Him. [Richard Burke] Oh. Whew! [Monica Geller] I missed this apartment! Now, this is a grown-up's apartment! Y'know, I-I should be with a grown-up, do you know what I mean?! [Richard Burke] Yeah! You're saying, you need to be with someone more mature. Maybe someone with, a license to practice medicine. Or a mustache. [Monica Geller] Y'know, let's face it, I'm not a kid anymore! I-I need to be with someone who-who wants the same things that I do! I mean coming to my place of work and telling me that you love me, I want that! Talking about pig sex over lunch, I don't want that! [Richard Burke] I think that's fair. [Monica Geller] Fair? Please don't even talk to me about fair! Fair would've been you wanting to marry me back then! Or fair would've been Chandler wanting to marry me now! Believe me, nothing about this is fair! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! [Richard Burke] It's okay! Shh! Hey. Hey. Shhhh. [Monica Geller] Nothing. I don't kn-Umm. I don't know. Umm... [Richard Burke] I know. [Monica Geller] Y'know, I-I... I have to figure...some st-Y'know, some stuff before I can... [Richard Burke] Yeah, I understand. Take as much time as you want. Ten, even twenty minutes if you need it. I'll be here. Not smoking. --------------------------------------- [Richard Burke] Chandler. [Chandler Bing] Where is she? I'm not scared of you! [Richard Burke] She's not here and please come in. [Chandler Bing] Scotch on the rocks, with a twist, on a coaster? Ha-ha, Monica! Monica! [Richard Burke] Okay, she was here, but she left. [Chandler Bing] Well where did she go? [Richard Burke] Well she said she had to think things over. [Chandler Bing] Oh my God, I can't believe this! Y'know, I thought...I thought you were a good guy. [Richard Burke] Oh, hey look nothing happened. [Chandler Bing] Nothing happened? Nothing? So you didn't tell my girlfriend that you love her? [Richard Burke] Well all right, one thing happened? [Chandler Bing] Y'know what? I can't believe this! Do you know what you did? My girlfriend is out there thinking things over! You made my girlfriend think!! [Richard Burke] Well I'm sorry. [Chandler Bing] And what does she have to think about? I love her! [Richard Burke] Well, apparently I'm willing to offer her things that you are not. [Chandler Bing] But I am willing to offer her all those things. This was just a plan, y'know? A way to throw her off course so that when I offered her all these things, she'd be surprised! [Richard Burke] Well if it helps, it worked very well. [Chandler Bing] It was working until you showed up, you big tree! I mean, this isn't fair. You had your chance with her! You had your chance and you blew it! And this is my chance and I am not going to blow it because we are meant for each other! And this is all just been one stupid mistake! I was gonna propose tonight. [Richard Burke] You were gonna propose? [Chandler Bing] Yeah I even got a ring. Did you get a ring? [Richard Burke] No I don't have a ring! You go get her Chandler. And can I give you a piece of advice? If you do get her, don't let her go. Trust me. [Chandler Bing] Y'know Richard...you are a good guy. [Richard Burke] I know. I hate that! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Dude! [Chandler Bing] I can't talk to you now, I gotta find Monica! [Joey Tribbiani] She's gone. [Chandler Bing] What? [Joey Tribbiani] She's gone. She had a bag and she left. [Chandler Bing] What are you talking about? [Joey Tribbiani] She was all crying. She-she said you guys want different things, and that and that she needed time to think. [Chandler Bing] Well why didn't you stop her?! Why didn't you just tell her it was a plan?! [Joey Tribbiani] I-I did! I told her everything, Chandler! But she wouldn't believe me. [Chandler Bing] Well where... Where did she go? [Joey Tribbiani] To her parent's I think and she said you shouldn't call her. But if I were you I would. [Chandler Bing] I can't believe I ruined this. [Joey Tribbiani] I am so sorry man. [Monica Geller] You wanted it to be a surprise. [Chandler Bing] Oh my God. [Monica Geller] Chandler... In all my life... I never thought I would be so lucky. As to...fall in love with my best...my best... There's a reason why girls don't do this! [Chandler Bing] Okay! Okay! Okay! Oh God, I thought... Wait a minute, I-I can do this. I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And if you'll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me? [Monica Geller] Yes. [Monica Geller] I knew you were likely to take a wife! [Joey Tribbiani] Can we come it yet?! We're dying out here! [Monica Geller] Come in! Come in! We're engaged!!! [Rachel Green] Ohhh, this is the least jealous I've ever been! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no wait no, this is wrong! Ross isn't here! [Monica Geller] Oh... [Rachel Green] Oh hell, he's done this three times! He knows what its about! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! ---------------------------------------

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s06", "episode": "e25", "title": "The One With The Proposal, Part 2"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Monica's Thunder [Ross Geller] Hey, what's going on? [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Ross Geller] I found a note on my door, "Come to Monica's quick, bring champagne and a Three Musketeers bar." [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah I'll take that. [Ross Geller] What's up? [Chandler Bing] Monica and I are engaged. [Ross Geller] Oh my God. Congratulations. [Chandler Bing] Thanks. [Ross Geller] Where is she? [Monica Geller] I'm engaged!!!!!! I'm engaged!!!! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, she's been out there for twenty minutes, I'm surprised you didn't hear her on the way over. [Ross Geller] Oh, I thought it was just a kid yelling, "I'm gay! I'm gay!" Can I bring her in? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no, let her stay out there. It's sweet. [Monica Geller] I'm getting married!!!! I'm gonna be a bride!!!! No, I will not shut up because I'm engaged! Ohh, big talk! Huh, why don't you come over here and say that to me?! Huh, buddy?! Yeah, my fiancee will kick your ass! Come on, apartment 20! Apartment 20! [Chandler Bing] Okay, you get her in here. You bolt the door. I'll be in the closet. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Okay! Wait-wait-wait! Shhh! Okay, umm, I just wanna say that...I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night. Our special night. I mean it just wouldn't be my-our-our night, if you all weren't here to celebrate with me-us-Damnit! [Chandler Bing] It's okay, I want this to be your night too. To Monica. [Monica Geller] Awww, come on-wait-stop it. Okay, to Monica. [Chandler Bing] To Monica! [Phoebe Buffay] So have you decided on a band for the wedding? Because, y'know, I'm kinda musical. [Rachel Green] Yeah Pheebs, honey, she just got engaged a couple of hours ago. I doubt she's even had time to... [Phoebe Buffay] Well speaking of chiming in, remember the time you burned down my apartment? [Rachel Green] Yeah, you're on your own. [Monica Geller] Y'know what we should do? We should all get dressed up and go to have champagne at The Plaza. [Joey Tribbiani] But I-I-I can't stay too long, I gotta get up early for a commercial audition tomorrow and I gotta look good. I'm supposed to be playing a 19-year-old. What? [Chandler Bing] So when you said, "Get up early," did you mean 1986? [Joey Tribbiani] You guys don't think I look 19? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, 19! We thought you said 90! [Monica Geller] Okay everybody, let's go! Let's go! [Rachel Green] Okay. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, is uh the rest of my candy bar around here? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh honey no, you ate it all. [Joey Tribbiani] I was afraid of that. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Y'know what shoes would look great with this ring? Diamond shoes! You're not getting dressed. [Chandler Bing] Know what I mean? [Monica Geller] Yeah, but I don't think we have time. [Chandler Bing] There's gonna be a wedding. You're gonna be the bride. Two hundred people are going to be looking at you in a clean white dress. [Monica Geller] Let's do it! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Chandler! It happens to lots of guys! You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, don't worry about it! [Chandler Bing] I'm not worried, I'm uh, I'm fascinated. Y'know it's like uh, Biology! Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me. [Phoebe Buffay] Check it out. Okay, I can play this when the guests are coming in. Okay. "First Time I Met Chandler, I Thought He Was Gay. But here I am singing on his wedding day!" [Monica Geller] Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] If you would've let me finish, it goes on to say that he's probably not gay. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Sure, you guys don't have this problem, you're made of wood. Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Chandler Bing] You look great! [Rachel Green] Oh, thanks. [Chandler Bing] You okay over there? [Rachel Green] I don't know, y'know? I feel a little umm... No, y'know what? Nevermind, I'm gonna be fine. [Chandler Bing] Oh, don't worry about it I mean you probably were tired, you had a lot of champagne, it happens to everybody. [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Ross Geller] Wow! Happy Monica's night! [Rachel Green] Well thank you, you too. [Ross Geller] Thanks. [Rachel Green] Hey, do you believe this? Do you believe they are actually getting married? [Ross Geller] Well sure. But I get married all the time so... [Rachel Green] Ohh... [Ross Geller] You okay? [Rachel Green] Yeah, I guess. I-I... I mean, do-do you think we're ever gonna have that? [Ross Geller] You mean, we-you and me? [Rachel Green] Oh no-no-no-no-no, no, no! We, you with someone and me with someone. [Ross Geller] Oh good, you scared me for a minute. [Rachel Green] Shake it off. [Ross Geller] I mean-no, it's just 'cause, it's just 'cause you and I were like a nightmare. No, but there was some good times. [Rachel Green] No, absolutely. Y'know like it was umm... [Ross Geller] Surely you can think of something good. [Rachel Green] Yeah, just give me a minute! Oh well, yes, I can think of one good thing. [Ross Geller] What? [Rachel Green] Well you uh, you were always really good at the uh, at the uh the stuff. [Ross Geller] Yeah? I was good at the stuff huh? [Rachel Green] Uh-hmm, uh-hmm, yeah, yeah, I really liked your hands. [Ross Geller] My hands? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Yeah? [Rachel Green] Uh-huh. [Ross Geller] Way to go guys. Y'know, you-you were really good at the stuff too. [Rachel Green] Oh, I know. Hey, y'know what we never did? Oh no, not that. We uh, we never had bonus night! [Ross Geller] A what? [Rachel Green] Y'know, bonus night. Y'know, when two people break up but they get back together for just one night. [Ross Geller] One night, just-just sex. No strings attached? [Rachel Green] Yeah-yeah, we never had that, [Ross Geller] No. [Ross Geller] Okay, this is getting a little crazy. I mean, I'm-I'm sure it would be amazing but I...gotta say I really-really don't think it would be a good idea. Y'know? I really, really...don't. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] 'Sup? 'Sup dude? [Chandler Bing] Take whatever you want, just please don't hurt me. [Joey Tribbiani] So you're playing a little Playstation, huh? That's whack! Playstation is whack! 'Sup with the whack Playstation, 'sup?! Huh? Come on, am I 19 or what?! [Chandler Bing] Yes, on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely 19. [Joey Tribbiani] Come on man, really how old?! [Chandler Bing] Young! You're a man-child okay?! Now go get changed because everybody's ready and please, oh please, keep my underwear! [Joey Tribbiani] Wow thanks! [Chandler Bing] Joe? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! [Chandler Bing] Uhh, you've had a lot of sex right? [Joey Tribbiani] When? Today? Some, not a lot. [Chandler Bing] Well, it's just the reason that I'm asking is because I kind of eh, uh, I was unable to-I mean I really wanted too, but I couldn't.... There huh-hmm, there-there was an incident. [Joey Tribbiani] Don't worry about that man, that happens. [Chandler Bing] It's happened to you? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Once. [Chandler Bing] Well, what'd you do? [Joey Tribbiani] I did it anyway. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Phoebe! Come on! Let's go! Come on! Why aren't you dressed yet?! [Phoebe Buffay] I'm sorry, but I just wrote the best dance song for your wedding. Check this out. [Monica Geller] No, Phoebe, I'll tell you what, if you get ready now I'll let you play it at the wedding. [Phoebe Buffay] Really?! Oh that's so exciting! Thank you! Thanks Mon! Oh but Mon, if you touch my guitar again I'll have to pound on you for a little bit. [Monica Geller] Fair enough, now go get ready! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Monica Geller] I'll get everybody else , finally we can start celebrating my- I'm sorry, uh apparently I've opened the door to the past. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Okay, Monica. Mon, uh what-what you just saw... [Monica Geller] Can I ask you just a little question, huh? Why tonight? [Rachel Green] What? [Monica Geller] See, I've been waiting my whole life to be engaged, and unlike some people I'm only planning on doing this once. So, uh y'know, maybe this is selfish and I'm sorry about it, but I was kinda hoping tonight could just be about that. [Rachel Green] Oh honey, but it is just about... [Ross Geller] It is! It is! [Monica Geller] No it's not! No! No! Now it's about you and Ross getting back together! [Rachel Green] What?! [Monica Geller] See yeah umm, you kinda stole my thunder! [Ross Geller] Okay! Ho-ho! We did not steal your thunder because we are not getting back together! [Rachel Green] Yeah. No. And you know what? Nobody even saw! [Ross Geller] Yeah! [Monica Geller] That's true. [Rachel Green] Honey I swear it we just kissed. [Ross Geller] It was just a kiss. [Phoebe Buffay] You guys kissed!!!!! What does this mean?!! Are you, are you getting back together?! Can I sing at your wedding? [Monica Geller] Thunder being stolen!! [Rachel Green] Okay come on Phoebe, it's nothing! Monica, come on! [Ross Geller] Look let's not make a big deal out of this! It was a one time thing. It doesn't even matter! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God! I cannot believe you guys are talking about this! The problems in the bedroom are between the man and the woman!!! All right?!! Now Chandler is doing the best he can!! [Chandler Bing] I don't think that's what they were talking about Joe!! [Phoebe Buffay] What a great night, Chandler can't do it, these guys kissed... [Joey Tribbiani] What? [Chandler Bing] What?! [Joey Tribbiani] You guys kissed! Oh my-this is huge! [Rachel Green] No! [Ross Geller] Oh no! [Rachel Green] No-no, it's really not huge. [Ross Geller] And; people thinking it's huge has led Monica to believe that we are stealing her thunder. Which we are not! [Monica Geller] Well, we're still talking about it, aren't we? [Phoebe Buffay] Well yeah, that and Chandler's problem. [Joey Tribbiani] Monica-Monica-Monica-Monica, listen-listen, listen, listen, would-would it make you feel better if we all stop talking about Ross and Rachel. [Monica Geller] Yes that would be lovely. [Joey Tribbiani] You got it. Okay. Now, I can pass for 19 right?! [Chandler Bing] Yes, you can pass for 19. [Joey Tribbiani] Really? [Chandler Bing] Yes! [Joey Tribbiani] Seriously? [Chandler Bing] Seriously? Seriously, no! You can play your own age which is 31! [Joey Tribbiani] I'm 30! [Rachel Green] Joey, you are not! You're 31. [Joey Tribbiani] Aww crap! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, so The Plaza! Okay, we'll get us some Mai Thai's, maybe no more for you though. [Monica Geller] Y'know what? I-I think that umm, I don't feel like going to The Plaza. [Phoebe Buffay] Why?! [Rachel Green] Honey, Monica, this is ridiculous! Look... [Monica Geller] No-no, I-I really don't want to talk about it! I don't! Especially with you. [Joey Tribbiani] Psss, that is whack! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? Okay, I think I'll play it at the wedding. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Well, I think we'll see if they actually let you play. Huh? I mean they tell you anything you want to hear like-like, "You look 19," and then they just take it away like-like, "No you don't." [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I don't think Monica is gonna take this away. [Joey Tribbiani] Wouldn't she? [Phoebe Buffay] Would she? [Joey Tribbiani] Would she? You ate my candy bar! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Guess who? [Rachel Green] Hey. [Ross Geller] Hey, I just realized we kinda let some stuff up in the air... [Rachel Green] What do you think Monica mean when she said she didn't want to talk, especially with me? I mean, why not especially you and me? We were both out there kissing. [Ross Geller] Still thinking about it huh? [Rachel Green] Come on! Serious-ser-ser-seriously, what did she mean by that? Especially you! [Ross Geller] Oh, who cares? [Rachel Green] I care! [Ross Geller] And so do I. [Rachel Green] Y'know what, I-I have to go talk to her, would you let me just get changed? [Ross Geller] Okay. Sure. [Rachel Green] Am I going to let you watch me undress? [Ross Geller] No! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I can't believe her, y'know it's just-it's so typical. [Chandler Bing] Now Monica, I know you're upset, but don't forget. There is going to be a wedding, you are going to throw the bouquet, and then there's going to be a honeymoon, maybe in Paris. [Monica Geller] Paris? [Chandler Bing] We will take a moonlit walk on the Rue de la . [Monica Geller] Keep talking. [Chandler Bing] Then we will sprinkle rose pedals on the bed and make love. Not just because it's romantic, but because I can! [Monica Geller] I love you! [Monica Geller] Bonjour, monsieur. [Chandler Bing] Okay, don't say anything, you might scare it away. [Chandler Bing] It's Paris, who knows we're here! [Monica Geller] Hi Pheebs, what's up? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, you said I could sing at your wedding so, I'm just gonna need a small deposit. [Monica Geller] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know, just some good faith money to hold the date. [Chandler Bing] Pheebs, we're not giving you a deposit for our wedding! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I see. [Joey Tribbiani] They break your heart, don't they? [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know, I don't really their permission. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! If you wanna sing at their wedding, well you sing at their wedding! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! And if you wanna look 19, then you... You gotta do something about your eyes. [Joey Tribbiani] What?! What's wrong with my eyes. [Phoebe Buffay] They give you away! There's just-there's just too much wisdom in there. Just put some tea bags on there for like 15 minutes. [Joey Tribbiani] And that'll get rid of my wisdom? [Phoebe Buffay] Maybe just 10 minutes for you. [Chandler Bing] Oh, give her the deposit! Give her the ring! I don't care! [Monica Geller] Yes. [Rachel Green] Monica, what did you mean before when you said you didn't want to talk to anyone, especially me? [Chandler Bing] What a great apology! And you accept! Okay, bye-bye! [Rachel Green] No-no, seriously-seriously, what was the especially me part about? [Monica Geller] Well, let's just say it's not the first time you've stolen my thunder. [Rachel Green] What?! [Ross Geller] Hey, here's a thought. [Rachel Green] Monica, what are you talking about? [Monica Geller] My Sweet Sixteen! Remember, you went to third base with my cousin Charlie. [Chandler Bing] Ahh, third base. [Monica Geller] It's all everybody at the party could talk about! [Rachel Green] Monica, y'know what? The only reason I did that was because your party was so boring! [Monica Geller] We had a characturist! [Rachel Green] Oh!! [Phoebe Buffay] "Whenever I get married, guess who won't get to sing? Somebody named Geller! And somebody else named Bing!" [Rachel Green] Monica, your Sweet Sixteen was like a million years ago. [Monica Geller] And yet, here we are doing it again. [Rachel Green] Ugh, Monica I don't want to steal your stupid thunder! [Monica Geller] Oh please! Why else would you have made out with Ross?! [Ross Geller] Got me. [Rachel Green] All right, easy mimey, the moment has passed, it ain't gonna happen! [Monica Geller] I just thought it would be nice if I could have just this one night! [Rachel Green] I swear, I never wanted any part of your night! [Monica Geller] Oh, is that why you did it the secret hallway where nobody ever goes?! [Ross Geller] Uh, Rachel, I've been thinking. I don't think us getting together tonight is such a good idea. I'm calling it off. [Chandler Bing] Why to save your dignity my man. [Rachel Green] Monica, why? Why would I ever want to take away from your night? [Monica Geller] I don't know! I don't-maybe you're feeling a little resentful. Maybe ah, maybe you thought you'd get married first! Maybe you can't stand the fact that your formally fat friend is getting married before you! [Rachel Green] Oh wow. That-y'know what? That is so unfair. Y'know what? Now I want to steal your thunder! Come on Ross, let's go have sex! [Monica Geller] I can't believe you're gonna have sex on my engagement night!! [Chandler Bing] Well, somebody should. [Ross Geller] Look uh, if we're gonna do this... [Rachel Green] We're not gonna do this, all right? She's just gonna think that we're doin' it. [Ross Geller] Oh, I see, so everybody wins. [Rachel Green] Who is it? [Monica Geller] It's Monica, open up! [Rachel Green] Okay well Ross! Stop it please! Wait a minute! [Ross Geller] Oww! [Rachel Green] Yeah, you like that baby? May we help you? [Monica Geller] I just wanted to say that I hope you do have sex tonight and I hope that you guys get back together, but I must warn you, the night that you announce your engagement I'm going to announce that I'm pregnant! [Chandler Bing] How is that ever going to happen?! [Rachel Green] All right Monica, do you want to know why I was with Ross tonight?! [Monica Geller] I know why! [Rachel Green] No you don't know why! [Monica Geller] Okay! Why?! [Rachel Green] Because! Because I was sad. [Monica Geller] What do you mean? [Rachel Green] Look, I am so...so happy for you guys, but you getting married just reminds me of the fact that I'm not. I'm not even close. And I don't know, maybe I just wanted to make myself feel better. And I know that that's dumb, but oh my God you were so depressed when Ross got married that you slept with Chandler! [Chandler Bing] I don't care, she slept with me. [Rachel Green] Anyway sweetie, I am, I'm so sorry I ruined your night. [Monica Geller] I'm sorry I almost made you sleep with Ross. [Ross Geller] Well, I'm going to take off. Congratulations man. [Chandler Bing] Thanks. [Ross Geller] And uh, Rachel. [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Ross Geller] What can I say, you missed your chance. From now on the only person who's going to enjoy these bad boys is me. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] "We thought Phoebe would leave, but she just stayed and stayed. That's right, I'm here all night, and Chandler will never get l..." [Chandler Bing] Hey! Here's a dollar, consider it a deposit. Please sing at our wedding. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh thank you. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Now... "Who will perform the ceremony! Who will perform the cer--Oh-oh! All right, I'll pound on him in the morning.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e01", "title": "The One With Monica's Thunder"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Rachel's Book [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Who wants French toast? [Ross Geller] Oh, I'll have some! [Joey Tribbiani] Good, me too. Eggs and milk are in the fridge. Thanks. [Monica Geller] Oww! [Chandler Bing] What's the matter honey? [Monica Geller] I don't know, my hand feels weird. I guess it's because, I'm engaged! How long before it starts getting annoying? [Phoebe Buffay] It starts? [Rachel Green] Yeah, so let's get started on the wedding plans! [Monica Geller] Okay! [Chandler Bing] Already?! [Rachel Green] Yeah, we got a lot to do! We gotta think about the flowers, the caterers, the music... [Chandler Bing] Oh, I got some thoughts on that. [Rachel Green] Oh wait Chandler, too many cooks... [Ross Geller] Take from me, as the groom all you have to do is show up and try to say the right name. [Monica Geller] Okay! [Chandler Bing] What in God's name is that?! [Ross Geller] Oh my God, the wedding book?! I haven't seen that since the forth grade! [Monica Geller] This baby has got everything. Take y'know, locations for instance. First, organized alphabetically, then geographically, then by square footage. [Phoebe Buffay] That is so smart! Break it off. Break it off now. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] And that should conclusively prove that I had the idea for Jurassic Park first! Now let's take a look at... [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! Ross! [Ross Geller] Phoebe, oh my God! Wh-wh-what are you doing here? [Phoebe Buffay] I need to talk to you, it's pretty urgent. It's about Monica and Chandler. [Ross Geller] Oh my God! Of course, of course. Umm, would you please excuse me for a moment? Umm, do you know each other's hometowns? Why don't you... Wh-what's going on? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, umm, not much. But, I was just thinking that since those guys just got engaged that maybe it would be nice if they had some privacy, y'know? So, could I just move in with you for a couple days? [Ross Geller] Umm, okay, yeah, sure. But wh-what's wrong with Monica and Chandler? [Phoebe Buffay] Nothing-Why?! [Ross Geller] Phoebe, you said it was urgent! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah it is! I'm going to the movies and it starts in like five minutes. [Ross Geller] Do you realize I have a classroom full of students? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so rude. Does anyone want to come to the movies? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] All right, so I haven't cleared the budget with my parents yet, but tell me how this is for music. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Monica Geller] All right umm, a string quartet for the procession. [Rachel Green] Aw. [Monica Geller] A jazz trio for cocktails. The Bay City Rollers for dancing. Wait, that was from my sixth grade wedding. [Chandler Bing] Well, you couldn't get them anyway. Ian doesn't plan anymore and Derrick... And Derrick is a name I shouldn't know. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Mon, do you have another pillow? Y'know, something a little snugglyer? [Chandler Bing] Why are you napping over here instead of over at your place? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, the duck... [Rachel Green] What?! The duck?! What the hell did the damn duck do now?! [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, well he did not get sick somewhere in there and it was immediately found and properly cleaned up! [Chandler Bing] Now, do I get to look at this book or is it just for people who are actually involved in the wedding? [Monica Geller] Of course you can look at it! Yeah, I want your opinion too! [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] Here you go! What do you think about centerpieces? [Chandler Bing] Centerpieces! [Monica Geller] Yeah! Roses or Lilies? [Chandler Bing] Definitely roses. Well, I just think they're a little more weddingy. But Lilies are the clear choice. [Monica Geller] Oh my God! It's like one mind. [Chandler Bing] Uh-huh! [Joey Tribbiani] Guys! Guys!! You gotta let me nap! Ugh, I'm gonna get cranky! [Rachel Green] Joey, there is a perfectly good couch across the hall! [Joey Tribbiani] Yes it is perfectly good, and it is not one of the places the duck got sick! [Rachel Green] What?! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, I'm gonna go! [Rachel Green] Now Joey, what did the duck do?! [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know! But he did not eat your face cream! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey little buddy, how are you feeling? What the hell is in that face cream? That's so soft. Pillowcases! Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. Her father, the vicar... The vicar? ...wouldn't be home for hours. Her loins were burning. She threw caution to the wind and reached out and grabbed his... Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho-ho! This is a dirty book! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Uh, Phoebe... [Phoebe Buffay] Oh Ross, hi. [Ross Geller] Phoebe, what are you doing? [Phoebe Buffay] I'm sorry, I'm with a client right now. [Ross Geller] Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, let's talk outside. [Ross Geller] Phoebe, you can't massage people in my apartment! [Phoebe Buffay] What's the big deal? I did it at Monica and Chandler's! [Ross Geller] And they knew about it? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, well Ross, what is this really about? [Ross Geller] Look, this is my home and I want to be able to come and go whenever I want! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I will find someplace else to do the rest of my appointments. I just don't know what the big deal is! [Ross Geller] The big deal is I don't want naked, greasy strangers in my apartment when I want to kick back with a puzzle-beer! Cold beer. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey Joey, what 'cha doing? [Joey Tribbiani] Sweepin'. Why? Turn you on? [Rachel Green] No. [Joey Tribbiani] Huh. What if I was sweeping a chimney? [Rachel Green] Joey, did you my face cream? [Joey Tribbiani] Where are you going? The vicar won't be home for hours. [Rachel Green] Joey, where did you learn that word? [Joey Tribbiani] Where do you think, Zelda? [Rachel Green] You found my book?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah I did! [Rachel Green] Joey, what-what are you doing going into my bedroom?! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, look I'm sorry, I went in there to take a nap and I know I shouldn't have, but you got porn! [Rachel Green] Hey-hey, y'know what? I don't care! I'm not ashamed of my book. There's nothing with a woman enjoying a little...erotica. It's just a healthy expression of female sexuality, which by the way, you will never understand. [Joey Tribbiani] You got porn! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hello. [Woman] Hi, is uh Phoebe here? [Ross Geller] Uh no-no, she-she's out for the night. [Woman] Ohh great. [Ross Geller] Can I, can I help you with something? [Woman] Well, I don't know. Are you a masseur? [Ross Geller] Yes I am. [Woman] Great! Dad! Thank you so much, I'll be back to pick him up in an hour. --------------------------------------- [Judy Geller] So Chandler, you're parents must've been thrilled when you told them you were engaged. [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah, I should probably call them. [Jack Geller] I remember when we first got engaged. [Chandler Bing] Oh, I don't think I ever heard that story. [Monica Geller] Oh dad, really you don't need to... [Jack Geller] Well, I'd gotten Judy pregnant. I still don't know that happened. [Judy Geller] You don't know how that happened?! Your dog thought my diaphragm was a chew toy! [Chandler Bing] What a sweet story. [Monica Geller] Well, at least you're not hearing it for the first time at your fifth grade Halloween party. [Jack Geller] What?! They wanted a scary story! [Monica Geller] Anyway, we're really excited about our wedding plans, and well I guess pretty soon we'll be making a big withdrawal from the Monica wedding fund. What? [Judy Geller] You tell her Jack, I can't do it. [Monica Geller] What happened? You still have the Monica wedding fund don't you? [Jack Geller] We have it. Only now, we call it the beach house. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I don't believe you spent my wedding fund on the beach house! [Judy Geller] We're sorry honey, but we just assumed if you got married after you turned 30 you'd pay for it yourself. [Monica Geller] You bought the beach house when I was 23! [Jack Geller] Which means you had seven years of beach fun and you can't put a price on that sweetie. [Judy Geller] We really do feel bad about this though. [Jack Geller] We started saving again when you were dating Richard and then that went to hell, so we redid the kitchen. [Monica Geller] What about when I started dating Chandler? [Judy Geller] Well it was Chandler! We didn't think he'd ever propose! [Chandler Bing] Clearly I did not start drinking enough at the start of the meal. [Monica Geller] I can't believe it! That there is no money for my wedding?! [Judy Geller] We might still have some money, if your father didn't think it was a good idea to sell ice over the Internet. [Jack Geller] It seemed like such a simple idea. [Judy Geller] Stupid Jack, the word is stupid. [Jack Geller] All right, enough! I don't want to hear about it anymore! Good luck, Chandler. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Okay! Now, I'm going to touch you. Ohh, that's soft. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I can't believe this. Do you think that your parents could help pay for it? [Chandler Bing] I don't know, my mother spent most of her money on her fourth wedding. She's saving the rest for her divorce. And any extra cash my father has he saves for his yearly trips to Dollywood. [Rachel Green] Well what happened at dinner? [Monica Geller] My parents spent the money for our wedding! [Phoebe Buffay] My God! What did you order?! [Rachel Green] Wait, but there's no money! Well this is terrible! You guys are gonna have to get married in like a, rec. center! [Chandler Bing] Honey, it's gonna be okay. [Monica Geller] No! No it's not! It's not gonna be okay! It sucks! No swing band! No lilies! [Rachel Green] No, y'know what? It's gonna be okay. I mean you don't have to have this rustic Italian feast. Y'know? And-and you don't need, you don't need this custom-made, empire waisted, duchess, satin gown; you can wear off the rack. [Chandler Bing] Look, it really is gonna be okay. The important thing is that we love each other and that we're gonna get married. [Rachel Green] Do you even understand what off the rack means?! [Phoebe Buffay] Look, why don't you just pay for it yourself? [Monica Geller] How? I don't have any money. [Chandler Bing] Well, I have some. [Monica Geller] How much? [Chandler Bing] Well, close to... [Monica Geller] Whoa!!! Are you kidding me?! [Rachel Green] Well what?! How-how much is it?! [Monica Geller] It's enough for wedding scenario eight. [Rachel Green] Ohh! Really?! [Monica Geller] How great are you, you little saver?! I mean, the-the amount you have is exactly the budget of my dream wedding! [Rachel Green] Ohh, you guys are so made for each other. [Chandler Bing] Well, you're not suggesting that we spend all of the money on the wedding? [Monica Geller] Ah, yeah! [Chandler Bing] Well, come on, I've been saving this money for six years and I kinda had some of it earmarked for the future, not just for a party. [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! Hello, Mr. Chandler. [Monica Geller] This is the most special day of our lives. [Chandler Bing] No, I realize that honey, but I'm not gonna spend all of the money on one party. [Monica Geller] Honey, umm I-I love you, but umm, if you call our wedding a party one more time, you may not get invited. Okay? Listen, we could always earn more money, okay? But uh, we're only gonna get married once. [Chandler Bing] Look, I understand, but I have to put my foot down. Okay? The answer is no. [Monica Geller] You-you're gonna have to put your foot down? [Chandler Bing] Yes, I am! [Phoebe Buffay] Wow, money and a firm hand. Finally a Chandler I can get on board with. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Rach. [Rachel Green] Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Rach, do you smell smoke? [Rachel Green] Uh-huh, I get it, smoke, chimney, chimney sweep, very funny, ha-ha. [Joey Tribbiani] No-no-no, I'm serious. You don't smell it? Something's on fire. [Rachel Green] Well no, I don't smell anything. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, y'know what? It's probably just your burnin' loins. [Ross Geller] Hey, what are you guys, what are you guys talking about? [Rachel Green] Nothing! [Ross Geller] Damn, this coffee's cold! Hey Rach, do you mind if I heat this up on your loins? [Rachel Green] Y'know, I can not believe you told him, Joey! [Ross Geller] So I guess you bought that book after we broke up huh? [Rachel Green] Uh-huh, yeah I did, because I wore out my first copy when I was with you. [Ross Geller] Oh yeah, yeah? Well uh, when we were going out, I read tons of porno magazines! 'Sup? [Phoebe Buffay] Ross! How could you do that to an old man?! [Ross Geller] Excuse me ladies. I'm sorry? [Phoebe Buffay] My massage client, Arthur? His daughter called and said that some guy that worked for me gave him a really weird massage this afternoon. [Ross Geller] I gave him an extremely professional massage! [Phoebe Buffay] He said you poked at him with wooden spoons. [Ross Geller] Okay, so it wasn't uh, a traditional massage. But I did give him accu-pressure with a pair of chopsticks. And, and I gently exfoliated him with, with a mop. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, he's never coming back! Okay? You just cost me eight dollars a week! [Ross Geller] Hey, y'know what? This is your fault! You're the one that didn't move his-his appointment. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, it's my fault?! You didn't have to massage him! You could've sent him away! You could've not rolled Tonka trucks up and down his back! [Ross Geller] He said he liked that!! Oh you're right, you're right. I'm sorry. [Joey Tribbiani] Dude, what are you massaging an old man for? [Ross Geller] His daughter was hot. [Joey Tribbiani] Gotcha. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey. [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Monica Geller] Listen umm, I've been thinking, it's not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that. [Chandler Bing] Ehh. [Monica Geller] Eh, you work for that. [Chandler Bing] Look, I thought about it too, and I'm sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding. [Monica Geller] You do?! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I'm putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy then, then that's what we're gonna do. [Monica Geller] Oh, you're so sweet. Oh, but wait, what about our, what about the future and stuff? [Chandler Bing] Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, y'know? We'll pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college. [Monica Geller] You thought about that? [Chandler Bing] Yeah. [Monica Geller] How many kids were we gonna have? [Chandler Bing] Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy. [Monica Geller] What else did you think about? [Chandler Bing] Well, stuff like where'd we live, y'know? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Y'know, we could have a cat that had a bell on it's collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, we'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old. [Monica Geller] Y'know what? I-I don't want a big, fancy wedding. [Chandler Bing] Sure you do. [Monica Geller] No, I want everything you just said. I want a marriage. [Chandler Bing] You sure? [Monica Geller] Uh-hmm. [Chandler Bing] I love you so much. [Monica Geller] I love you. Hey listen umm, when, when you were talkin' about our future you said cat, but you meant dog right. [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah, totally! [Monica Geller] Oh good. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hello, Zelda. [Rachel Green] Who are you supposed to be? [Joey Tribbiani] The vicar! [Rachel Green] Do you even know what a vicar is? [Joey Tribbiani] Like a goalie, right? [Rachel Green] Yeah. Look Joey, it's enough all right?! You keep making these stupid jokes and this sleazy innuendoes and it's-I'm not-it's just not funny anymore! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, I'm sorry. Rach I-Rach I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry! Maybe I can make up for it by, taking you roughly in the barn. [Rachel Green] All right! Y'know what? That's it! You wanna do it?! Let's do it! [Joey Tribbiani] Huh? [Rachel Green] That's right, I wanna do it with you! I've been trying to fight it, but you just said all the right things. [Joey Tribbiani] I-I-I-I did? [Rachel Green] Yeah! Ohh, I've been waitin' so long to get on that body! [Joey Tribbiani] This body? [Rachel Green] Yeah that's right! Come on Joey; sex me up! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey, you're startin' to sound like the butcher's wife there in-in chapter seven. [Rachel Green] Oh, come on now, don't keep me waiting. Get those clothes off! But, I would keep that helmet on because you're in for a rough ride! [Joey Tribbiani] I don't want to, I'm scared.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e02", "title": "The One With Rachel's Book"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Phoebe's Cookies [Chandler Bing] Hey, you guys! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Chandler Bing] So, what do you think? [Ross Geller] About what? [Rachel Green] Yeah, what? [Joey Tribbiani] What? [Chandler Bing] Are you kidding? Okay, I'll give you a hint; I'll give you a hint. [Joey Tribbiani] Eyes! No, no. Your eyes! No. Chandler's eyes! [Chandler Bing] I got glasses! [Ross Geller] Well, you-you've always had glasses. [Chandler Bing] No I didn't! [Ross Geller] Are you sure? [Rachel Green] Yeah-yeah, did-didn't you use to have a pair? They were really round, burgundy, and they made you look kind of umm... [Joey Tribbiani] Feminine. [Rachel Green] Yes! [Chandler Bing] No! [Monica Geller] Sweetie, I think the glasses look great. They make you look really sexy. [Chandler Bing] Really? [Monica Geller] Yeah! [Chandler Bing] You didn't think I used to wear glasses, right? [Monica Geller] Of course! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] So what do you guys want for an engagement present? [Chandler Bing] That's okay Pheebs, we're not having a party or anything, so you don't have to get us... [Monica Geller] If someone wants to give us a present, we don't want to deprive them of that joy. [Rachel Green] Oh, y'know what you should get 'em? One of those little uh, portable CD players. [Monica Geller] Oh, I already have one. [Phoebe Buffay] Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist. [Rachel Green] Yeah, and-and-and by someone, she means Joey. [Monica Geller] Hey, I know I what I want! [Chandler Bing] What we want honey. [Monica Geller] No, you don't want this. I want to have your grandmother's cookie recipe. [Phoebe Buffay] You mean the chocolate chip cookie recipe? [Monica Geller] Uh-huh, yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] You mean the one that my grandmother made me swear on her deathbed that I would never let out of our family? [Chandler Bing] Dying people say the craziest things. [Monica Geller] I wanted it for years! I was gonna make cookies for my children. [Phoebe Buffay] Break my heart-Oh, all right. [Monica Geller] Okay. I'm gonna be the mom that makes the world's best chocolate chip cookies. [Chandler Bing] Our kids are gonna be fat aren't they. [Joey Tribbiani] Ahoy! [Chandler Bing] Hey! How's the boat?! [Joey Tribbiani] Great! I'm finally getting into this sailing stuff. [Monica Geller] Oh, so you finally took it out of the marina huh? [Joey Tribbiani] Why would I do that? It took three guys to get the thing in there! [Phoebe Buffay] If you don't sail your boat, what do you do on it? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, it's great! It's a great place to just kinda, sit, hang around, drink a few beers, eat some chips. [Chandler Bing] Well, it's good that you finally have a place to do that. [Rachel Green] Y'know Joey, I could teach you to sail if you want. [Joey Tribbiani] You could? [Rachel Green] Yeah! I've been sailing my whole life. When I was fifteen my dad bought me my own boat. [Phoebe Buffay] Your own boat? [Rachel Green] What?! What?! He was trying to cheer me up! My pony was sick. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Do you know what I was thinkin'? [Monica Geller] What? [Chandler Bing] Nothing, I just like to go like this. [Ross Geller] Hey Chandler, what are you doing tonight? [Chandler Bing] Uh why, do you have a lecture? [Ross Geller] No, why? [Chandler Bing] Then free as a bird. What's up? [Ross Geller] My dad wanted to know if you wanted to play racquetball with us. [Monica Geller] Wow! That's great! Dad must really like you, he doesn't ask just anyone to play. [Ross Geller] Yeah and he didn't really ask for you, he asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you. [Chandler Bing] Well, did-did you correct him? [Ross Geller] No, I-I thought it would be more fun this way. [Monica Geller] This is so cool, maybe this is something you can do every week. [Ross Geller] Or you can sit with him on the front porch and make sure no one steals the trash cans. He does that every week too. [Monica Geller] Oh, just so you know, you-you have to let him win. [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Monica Geller] He hates to lose. [Chandler Bing] Oh no problem, maybe I'll play with my left hand. [Ross Geller] You're not a lefty? [Chandler Bing] Does anybody know me?! [Monica Geller] What's wrong Phoebe? [Phoebe Buffay] I just went to my old apartment to get you the-the cookie recipe and the stupid fire burned it up! [Monica Geller] No!! Why didn't you make a copy and-and keep it in a fireproof box and keep it at least a hundred yards from the original?!! [Phoebe Buffay] Because I'm normal! That was the one legacy my grandmother left me, and I know you wanted it as an engagement present. [Ross Geller] Oh, we have to get you an engagement present? [Chandler Bing] Don't worry about it Pheebs. [Ross Geller] No one got me an engagement present. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, here I wish you health and happiness. [Chandler Bing] An old cookie? [Monica Geller] This is what happens when you don't register for gifts! [Phoebe Buffay] See no-no, I made a batch and I froze it, and this is the only one left. [Chandler Bing] We can't accept this. [Phoebe Buffay] Why not? [Chandler Bing] 'Cause it's gross. [Monica Geller] No! Wait! I think I can figure out the recipe from this cookie! I do stuff like this at work all the time. [Phoebe Buffay] Really?! [Monica Geller] Yeah! I bet I can do it. [Chandler Bing] Okay, we owe you a present. [Ross Geller] Two! I've been engaged twice! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Look at this clown! Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. Get out of the way jackass! Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway? [Rachel Green] That is the Coast Guard. [Joey Tribbiani] What are they doing out here? The coast's all the way over there. [Rachel Green] Joey, just ignore the boats all right? We're not finished with the lesson yet. [Joey Tribbiani] All right. [Rachel Green] Okay, I'm just gonna go over the basic points just one more time, are you ready? [Joey Tribbiani] Come on Rach, not again. I got it! Okay? Let's start sailing, and I want to go over there where that boatload of girls is! Yo-ho-ho! [Rachel Green] Oh, okay. Is that what you want to do? You wanna go over and give a little shout out to the old, hot chickas? Okay, let's do that Sailor Joe. Quick question though, what's this called? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, boat rope. [Rachel Green] Wrong! How do you get the mainsail up? [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh, rub it? [Rachel Green] No. What do you do if I say we are coming about? [Joey Tribbiani] I'd say, come again. No-no, wait I-I-I know this one, I know this one, uh... [Rachel Green] Time's up, now your dead. [Joey Tribbiani] And deaf! [Rachel Green] Okay, you just go on and make your little jokey-jokes, but if you do not know what you are doing out at sea you will die at sea. Am I getting through to you sailor?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yes. [Rachel Green] Don't just say yes! This isn't a game, Joey you can really get hurt out here. Okay, so do you want to pay attention or do you want to die?! [Joey Tribbiani] I want to make a ship to shore call to Chandler. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] All right, I definitely taste nutmeg. [Phoebe Buffay] You do? [Monica Geller] You don't? Well, that's the difference between a professional and a layman. [Phoebe Buffay] That and arrogance. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Monica Geller] Hey! How was sailing? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't want to talk about it. Y'know, you could've at least saved me a whole cookie. [Monica Geller] No-wait-no-no!!!!!!! [Joey Tribbiani] Women are mean!!! [Phoebe Buffay] I can't believe that! Now the only thing left of my grandmother's legacy is this crumb. I wish you a long and happy marriage. [Ross Geller] Hey. [Monica Geller] Hey! How was it? [Ross Geller] Well I had a great time! Umm, Chancy on the other hand... [Chandler Bing] I will tell the story! It was going great. I let him win. We were bonding. He even said I could call him dad. [Ross Geller] And what did he ask you not to call him? [Chandler Bing] Daddy. All right look, here's the story. Well, we had just finished playing racquetball and we were gonna take a steam. I walk into the steam room and it was really steamy. So I take off my glasses and that's when in happened. [Chandler Bing] Guys? [Ross Geller] Over here. [Jack Geller] Have a seat son. Hey!! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Oh my God Chandler! I can't believe it! [Chandler Bing] I know. [Monica Geller] You gave my father a lap dance! [Chandler Bing] Why do they put so much steam in there?! [Ross Geller] 'Cause otherwise they'd have to call it the room room. [Chandler Bing] Why? Okay? Why? Wh-wh-why did that have to happen? [Phoebe Buffay] Come on, it's not that big a deal! [Chandler Bing] Not that big a deal? There...there was touching of things. [Ross Geller] Now, I know you wanted to bond with my dad, but did you really have to bond to that part? [Monica Geller] Listen, I'm sure that dad doesn't care. He probably thought this was funny; he'll be telling this story for years! [Chandler Bing] I don't want him to tell this story for years. [Ross Geller] Oh, but he will. He still tells the story how Monica tried to escape from fat camp. [Monica Geller] I wasn't escaping. [Ross Geller] Then how did you get caught in the barbed wire? [Monica Geller] I was trying to help out a squirrel. [Ross Geller] You were trying to eat it! [Chandler Bing] If that is your father calling to tell this story then the marriage is off! [Monica Geller] Come on. Hello? I'm sorry you have the wrong number. Okay, I'll call you later dad. I love you. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] All right, I'm off to see your dad. [Ross Geller] Whoa-whoa, aren't you a little over dressed? [Rachel Green] Yeah, and-and you better make sure he tips you this time. [Chandler Bing] Look, I figured I would try to convince him not to tell the story anymore, and I figure the best way to do that is face to face-And by face I don't mean his lap. And by face, I don't mean my ass. [Ross Geller] Hey are you getting Monica and Chandler an engagement present? [Rachel Green] I don't know. Y'know, they didn't get us anything. [Ross Geller] Thank you! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Ross Geller] Hey. [Rachel Green] Well hello! So, when are we gettin' back out on the water matey? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh uh, I don't know the boat way to say this, but uh never! [Rachel Green] Why not? [Joey Tribbiani] Because! You're mean on the boat! [Rachel Green] What? I was just trying to teach you. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, lesson learned! Rachel is mean! [Ross Geller] Yeeeeeep... Yep-yep-yep-yep-yep. I remember when she took out on her dad's boat she wouldn't let me help at all. [Rachel Green] Excuse me, I wanted you to help, but you couldn't move your arms because you were wearing three life jackets. [Ross Geller] You have to respect the sea! [Rachel Green] Look Joey, I'm sorry if-if you thought that was mean, but I gotta tell ya something. That was not mean. Okay, my father is mean. He used to yell at me all the time on the boat, I mean it was horrible. I was just being a good teacher. [Joey Tribbiani] Does a good teacher say, "Put down the beer pinhead!?" [Rachel Green] Well, does a good student drink seven beers during his first lesson? [Joey Tribbiani] Six and a half! You knocked that last one out of my hand! Remember? [Rachel Green] Yeah, I didn't want you to get hit by the boom! [Joey Tribbiani] Well it hit me anyway! And it would've hurt a lot less if I had finished that last beer. [Rachel Green] All right, y'know what? I-I'm sorry. I will try to tone it down and uh stop yelling. [Joey Tribbiani] You won't boss me around anymore? [Rachel Green] I won't boss you around. [Joey Tribbiani] And you'll be nice? [Rachel Green] And, I'll be nice. [Joey Tribbiani] And you'll be topless? [Rachel Green] And-Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Do you want me to learn?! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Okay, here's batch 22. Ohh, maybe these'll taste a little like your grandmother's. This has a little bit of orange peel, but no nutmeg. [Ross Geller] Let's give it a shot. [Monica Geller] Okay. Man, I have not made this many cookies since I was in the ninth grade. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, what was that for? Like a bake sale? [Monica Geller] No, just a Friday night. [Ross Geller] Ohh, these are pretty good. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, but not as good as batch 17. [Ross Geller] Which one was that? [Monica Geller] The ones we had right after you almost threw up. [Ross Geller] Oh yeah! Batch 17 was good. I did not like batch 16. I'm okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Are there anymore from the good batch? 'Cause we could just work off of those. [Ross Geller] Yeah, ooh yeah, I think there is one from batch 17 left, uh... It's batch 16! 16 people! Get out of the way! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Okay Joey honey, you're doing really good! All right, now I'm just gonna need you to step to the port side. Remember? Remember how we talked about the port side? [Joey Tribbiani] Ohh yeah. [Rachel Green] Right? [Joey Tribbiani] Nope. [Rachel Green] It's left sweetie, but that's okay sweetie, that's a tough one. [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know why you just don't say left. [Rachel Green] Okay, go to the left. The left! [Joey Tribbiani] Huh? [Rachel Green] Just sit over there!! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay! Okay, you're yelling again! See that? [Rachel Green] No! No-no, no-no-no, very quiet, said with love, no yelling. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, y'know what? Since I'm here, I think I'm gonna have me a little beer on the port side. [Rachel Green] Okay Joey, we're luffing a little bit, so could you tighten up the cunningham? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, wow, you just said a bunch of stuff I didn't know there. [Rachel Green] Joey, come on! We just went over this! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, y'know, when we did that was when that bird was flying overhead with the fish in his mouth. Did you see it? It was gross! [Rachel Green] No! All right?! I did not see the bird! I did not see the fish! I did not see the piece of Styrofoam that was shaped like Mike Tyson! I did not, because I was trying to teach you how to sail a boat! Which obviously is an impossible thing to do! [Joey Tribbiani] All right that's it! You're yelling and I don't see you taking your top off! I quit! [Rachel Green] What do you mean you quit?! You can't quit! [Joey Tribbiani] Why not?! [Rachel Green] Because you're not finished yet and I won't have it! Greens do not quit! [Joey Tribbiani] Greens? I'm a Tribbiani! And Tribbianis quit! [Rachel Green] Oh my God, wait did I-I just said Greens don't quit didn't I? Did I just say Greens don't quit?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yes! Yes! You did and you're still yelling at me! [Rachel Green] No! No! No! I'm not yelling at you, I'm just yelling near you. Oh God Joey, ohh I'm my father. Oh my God, this is horrible! I've been trying so hard not to be my mother I did not see this comin'. Oh, Joey, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just wanted you to learn. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, hey I did learn. [Rachel Green] Really? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Come on. [Rachel Green] Awww... [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, it's okay. I know what a mainsail is. I know, I know to duck when the boom comes across. I-I know port is right. [Rachel Green] Left. [Joey Tribbiani] Damnit! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know, I bet it would actually make my grandmother very happy to know that we're trying to figure out her recipe. I bet she's l-l-lookin' up at us and smiling right now. [Ross Geller] Looking up? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah-No, she was really nice to me, but she's in hell for sure. [Monica Geller] Well, I've tried everything. I give up. I guess I'm not gonna be the mom who makes the world's best chocolate cookies. I do make the best duck confit with broccoli rabe. Kids love that right. [Ross Geller] Aww, Pheeb, come on isn't there any relative that would have the recipe? What about, what about your sister? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And that's not happening 'til October 15th, 2032. [Ross Geller] That's the day you're gonna die? See-darnit, I've got shuffleboard that day. [Phoebe Buffay] That's what you think. [Monica Geller] Well, I mean what about friends of your grandmother's? Wouldn't they have the recipe? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, y'know I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother, Nesele Tolouse. [Monica Geller] What was her name? [Phoebe Buffay] Nesele Toulouse. [Monica Geller] Nestle Tollhouse?! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, you Americans always butcher the French language. [Monica Geller] Phoebe, is this the recipe? [Phoebe Buffay] Yes!! Ohh. [Monica Geller] I cannot believe that I just spent the last two days trying to figure out the recipe and it was in my cupboard the whole time! [Phoebe Buffay] I know! You see it is stuff like this which is why you're burning in hell!! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] So you understand, I'd feel a lot more comfortable if you didn't tell people what happened. Y'know, I'm a little...I'm a little embarrassed about it. [Jack Geller] I understand completely, there's nothing more horrifying than embarrassing yourself in front of your in-laws. As a matter of fact, when I started dating Judy I was unemployed, and her father asked me what I did for a living and I told him I was a lawyer. [Chandler Bing] What did you do when they found out? [Jack Geller] They never did, so if ever see me giving them legal advice just nod along. Shall we? [Chandler Bing] So I guess we wear swimsuits in here! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Well Joey, I hate to admit it, your way of sailing is a lot more fun. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, yeah. Hey, why don't you give a pull on that rope? [Rachel Green] Ohh we're not sailing. [Joey Tribbiani] Just pull on it. [Rachel Green] All right. Hey-hey-hey!! Sandwiches! [Joey Tribbiani] What else? [Rachel Green] Here you go. [Joey Tribbiani] Thank you. [Rachel Green] Oh wow! [Joey Tribbiani] What are you doing? [Rachel Green] Ohh, sorry. [Joey Tribbiani] What you-don't hold it like that! You're lettin' all the good stuff fall out. [Rachel Green] Ohh whoops. [Joey Tribbiani] Careful! You're wasting good pastrami! Oh my God! I'm my dad!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e03", "title": "The One With Phoebe's Cookies"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Rachel's Assistant [Mac] Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives don't mix. [C.H.E.E.S.E.] You can say that again Mac. [Mac] Well, I couldn't have done it without you buddy. You're a genius. [C.H.E.E.S.E.] Oh yeah? Well then how come I can't get my VCR to stop blinking 12:00? [Joey Tribbiani] So, what did you guys think? [Monica Geller] Hello? Hold on please. Joey, it's your mom. [Chandler Bing] It's your mommy. It's your mommy. [Ross Geller] Ohhhh... [Rachel Green] That's nice. [Joey Tribbiani] Mom, so what did you think? [Rachel Green] Well that was umm...Okay. [Ross Geller] It wasn't the best. [Chandler Bing] That was one of the worse things ever. And not just on TV. [Monica Geller] Wh-what are we gonna tell him? [Ross Geller] Well, the lighting was okay. [Rachel Green] Ohh no you don't! You got lighting last time, lighting is mine! [Monica Geller] And I have costumes. [Ross Geller] Oh great! That means I'm stuck with, "So, we were watching you in there and you were sittin' right here! Whoa!" [Rachel Green] What are you gonna do Pheebs? [Phoebe Buffay] I don't know. I don't know. I can't lie to him again. Oh no I-no! I'm just gonna press my breasts up against him. [Chandler Bing] And say nothing? [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh, yeah that's right. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! Well, my folks really liked it! So what-what did you guys think? It wasn't that good. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Phoebe, do you think that your favorite animal says much about you? [Phoebe Buffay] What? You mean behind my back? [Rachel Green] Oh! Hi you guys, oh my God! You'll never gonna believe happened to me today! I am sitting in my office and... [Joey Tribbiani] You guys! You guys! You're not gonna believe what my agent just told me! [Rachel Green] Joey! Kinda in the middle of a story here! [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh, sorry. Sorry. You finish, go. [Rachel Green] Okay, so anyway I'm sittin' in my office and guess who walks in. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm gonna be on two TV shows! [Monica Geller] Oh, that's great!! [Rachel Green] Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, you weren't finished? [Rachel Green] Yeah! Guess who walks into my office is the end of my story. It was Ralph Lauren! Ralph Lauren walked into my office! [Joey Tribbiani] Uh Rach, if you're gonna start another story, at least let me finish mine. [Rachel Green] It's the same story. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow, it's really long. [Rachel Green] Anyway, Ralph just came in to tell me that he's so happy with my work that he wants me to be the new merchandising manager for polo retail. [Monica Geller] Still get a discount on wedding dresses? [Rachel Green] Yeah! [Monica Geller] I'm so happy for you! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, these really are the days of our lives. [Monica Geller] What?! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, since you ask. They want me back on Days of Our Lives! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh God! [Rachel Green] I got-I get a big pay raise! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh hey! [Joey Tribbiani] I'll be playing Drake Remoray's twin brother, Stryker! [Monica Geller] Oooh! [Rachel Green] I get to hire my own assistant! [Monica Geller] Ahhh!! [Joey Tribbiani] Well-I got a head rush from standing up to fast right there. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] And you were at this job for four years? [Hilda] That's right. [Rachel Green] Okay, well this is all very impressive Hilda, um I just have one last question for you. Uh, how did I do? Was this okay? [Hilda] What? [Rachel Green] I've never interviewed anyone before. I've actually never had anyone work for me before. Although when I was a kid, we did have a maid, but this is-this isn't the same thing. [Hilda] No dear. It's not. [Rachel Green] No. Yeah, and I know that. All right, well thank you so much for coming in it was nice to meet you. [Hilda] Thank you! Good meeting you. [Rachel Green] All right. I'm a total pro! [Man] Hello? [Rachel Green] Wow! H-umm! Hi! Yes, uh I'm sorry the models are actually down the hall. [Man] Actually, I'm here about the assistant job. [Rachel Green] Really?! Okay well then, all right, well just have a seat there. Umm, so what's-what is-what's your name? [Man] Tag Jones. [Rachel Green] Uh-huh, go on. [Tag Jones] That's it. That's my whole name. [Rachel Green] That's your whole name, okay of course it is! Okay, well let's-let's just have a look-see here. [Tag Jones] I know I haven't worked in an office before, and I really don't have a lot of experience, but uh... [Rachel Green] Oh come on, what are you talking about? You've got three years painting houses. Two whole summers at T.G.I. Friday's, come on! [Tag Jones] It's lame, I know. But I'm a goal-oriented person, very eager to learn... [Rachel Green] Okay, hold on just a second. I'm sorry, it's for human resources, everybody has to do it. Could you just stand up please? --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] No-no-no-no. Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Anyway, I should go. Okay, bye. [Monica Geller] Hey sweetie. [Chandler Bing] Hi sweetie. So, what was with all the whispering? [Monica Geller] I can't tell you. It's a secret. [Chandler Bing] Secret? Married people aren't supposed to have secrets between one another. We have too much love and respect for one another. [Monica Geller] Awww. But still no. [Chandler Bing] No I'm serious, we should tell each other everything. I do not have any secrets from you. [Monica Geller] Really? Okay, so why don't you tell me what happened to Ross Junior year at Disneyland? [Chandler Bing] Oh no-no, I can't do that. [Monica Geller] If you tell me, I'll tell you what Phoebe said. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Chandler Bing] So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland and we stop at this restaurant for tacos. And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car. So Ross has about 10 tacos. And anyway, we're on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy. [Monica Geller] Oh my God. He threw up? [Chandler Bing] No, he visited a little town south of throw up. So what was Phoebe's secret? [Monica Geller] Oh, Nancy Thompson from Phoebe's old massage place is getting fired. [Chandler Bing] That's it?! I gave up my Disneyland story for that? [Monica Geller] That's right! You lose sucker!! Please still marry me. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Chandler, you have an assistant right? [Chandler Bing] Did she call? You-you told her I was sick right? Always tell her I am sick! [Rachel Green] No, I-I just don't know how you decide who to hire. I mean I've got it narrowed down to two people. One of them has great references and a lot of experience and then there's this guy... [Chandler Bing] What about him? [Rachel Green] I love him. He's so pretty I wanna cry! I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do. [Phoebe Buffay] Come on you know what to do! You hire the first one! You don't hire an assistant because they're cute, you hire them because they're qualified. [Rachel Green] Uh-huh. No, I hear what you're saying and-and-and that makes a lot of sense but can I just say one more thing? Look how pretty! [Phoebe Buffay] Let's see. Oh my God! Oh... But no! No! You can't-you can't hire him, because that-it's not professional. Umm, this is for me yes? Thanks. [Rachel Green] Okay you're right. I'll hire Hilda tomorrow. Dumb old perfect for the job Hilda! [Chandler Bing] Let me see this guy. W-H-Wow! Don't show this to Monica! And don't tell her about the W-H-Wow! --------------------------------------- [Terry] Hey-hey-hey Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Terry! [Terry] Good to see you again! [Joey Tribbiani] It's been a while, huh? Wow, it's funny these halls look smaller then they used to. [Terry] It's a different building. [Joey Tribbiani] So! Stryker Remoray huh? When do you want me to start? [Terry] Why don't we start right now! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Terry] Here are the audition scenes. [Joey Tribbiani] Audition? I thought you were gonna offer me the part. [Terry] Why would you think that? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I was Dr. Drake Remoray, Stryker's twin brother. I mean, who looks more me than me right? [Terry] Everybody has to audition. [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know Terry, I-I don't really need to do this. I got my own cable TV series, with a robot. [Terry] I'm sorry Joey that's...that's the way it is. [Joey Tribbiani] Well. I guess you think you're pretty special huh? Sittin' up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin' stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well y'know what? This is one star who's hoop... This is a star that the hoop-this hoop-I was Dr. Drake Remoray! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi! Tag. What are you doing here? [Tag Jones] I just wanted to come by and thank you for not laughing in my face yesterday. And I noticed there aren't any plants in your office so I wanted to bring you your first... There is a plant in your office. [Rachel Green] Kinda. [Tag Jones] Right. So I guess I shouldn't put good at noticing stuff on my resume. [Rachel Green] Oh-ohh, thank you. [Tag Jones] Anyway, I'm guessing you hired somebody. [Rachel Green] Well... [Tag Jones] Gotcha. Thanks again for meeting with me. [Rachel Green] But I hired you! [Tag Jones] What? [Rachel Green] Yeah! You-you got the job! You're my new assistant! [Tag Jones] I am?! [Rachel Green] Yeah! [Tag Jones] I can't believe it! [Rachel Green] Me either. Umm, all right, first thing I need you to do is go downstairs and find a women named Hilda and tell her to go home. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Monica Geller] Hey! Good, you're home! [Chandler Bing] Oh it's always nicer to here than, "Aw crap! You again!" [Monica Geller] Hey baby. [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Monica Geller] I made you a surprise. [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah? [Monica Geller] Yeah, tacos! Ever since you told me that story I've had such a craving for them. [Chandler Bing] Did you not understand the story? [Ross Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! What's up? [Monica Geller] Ross! [Ross Geller] Oh, nothin' much. Just trying to figure out what I'm gonna do for dinner. [Chandler Bing] Huh. [Ross Geller] Hey-Ooh! What's-what's that, dinner stuff? You making dinner? [Chandler Bing] No! Shhh! [Ross Geller] What you got over there? Tacos? [Monica Geller] No! No. They're umm... They're just uh...ground beef smileys. [Ross Geller] Uhh, those are tacos. [Monica Geller] Excuse me Mr. Mexico. [Ross Geller] Eh, either way I'll pass. I still can't eat those. What's so funny?! [Monica Geller] I'm not laughing. [Ross Geller] You told her! [Chandler Bing] Nancy Thompson's getting fired! [Ross Geller] Look, okay-okay I had food poisoning! It's not like I choose to do it! It's not like-It's not like I said, "Umm, what would make this ride more fun?!" [Monica Geller] You're right. I mean I'm sorry. Yeah, I shouldn't be laughing. I should be laying down papers for you! [Ross Geller] How could you tell her?! [Chandler Bing] I had too okay?! We're getting married! Married couples can't keep secrets from one another! [Ross Geller] Oh really? Well I-I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City. [Chandler Bing] Du-ude! [Monica Geller] What happened in Atlantic City?! [Ross Geller] Well, Chandler and I are in a bar... [Chandler Bing] Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude?!" [Ross Geller] And this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after awhile he-he goes over to her and uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking, Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls, and you're right, Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with...girls. [Monica Geller] You kissed a guy?!! Oh my God. [Chandler Bing] In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy. [Ross Geller] Oh Mon, I laughed so hard... [Chandler Bing] Ho-ho, so hard we had to throw out your underwear again? [Ross Geller] Whatever dude, you kissed a guy. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey-Ooh, how's Hilda? Is she working out? [Rachel Green] Ohh, my new assistant is working out, yes. [Joey Tribbiani] Was she happy you gave her the job? [Rachel Green] Oh, my-my new assistant has very happy that I hired my new assistant. [Joey Tribbiani] Hello? Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? It's the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next week's script. Canceled?! Like they're taking it off the air? Ohh. All right, see you Monday. We're not even shootin' them anymore?!! All right, bye! They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E! [Phoebe Buffay] Sorry. [Rachel Green] I'm sorry Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Why would they do that?! It was a good show right?! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] You wanna tell secrets?! Okay! Okay! In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers! [Ross Geller] All right! All right! Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won! [Chandler Bing] Ross came in forth and cried! [Monica Geller] Oh my God! [Ross Geller] Oh, is that funny?! Oh, you-you find that funny?! Well maybe Chandler should know some of your secrets too! [Monica Geller] I-I already told him everything! You shush!! [Ross Geller] Once Monica was sent to her room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box she'd made. [Monica Geller] Ross used to stay up every Saturday night to watch Golden Girls! [Ross Geller] Monica couldn't tell time 'til she was 13! [Monica Geller] It's hard for some people! [Chandler Bing] Of course it is. Wow-whoa! [Monica Geller] Chandler one time wore my underwear to work! [Chandler Bing] Hey!!! [Monica Geller] Ohh, I'm sorry I couldn't think of anymore for Ross! [Ross Geller] Ohh! Ohh! In college, Chandler got drunk and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm! [Chandler Bing] That was you! [Ross Geller] Whatever dude, you kissed a guy. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] How could this happen to me?! Yesterday I had two TV shows! Today, I got nothin'! [Rachel Green] Well wait a minute, what happened to Days of Our Lives? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, well they might be a little mad at me over there. [Phoebe Buffay] What happened? [Joey Tribbiani] Well maybe I got a little upset and maybe I told them where they could go. [Rachel Green] Joey, why would you do that? [Joey Tribbiani] Because they wanted me to audition! [Phoebe Buffay] You! An actor?! That's madness! --------------------------------------- [Tag Jones] Rachel Green's office. [Rachel Green] Tag? Hi, who was that? [Tag Jones] Nobody. I was just practicing. [Rachel Green] Really? [Phoebe Buffay] Hi! [Tag Jones] Hi! Rachel Green's office. [Phoebe Buffay] You must be Hilda. [Rachel Green] Yeah, this is Tag. Tag, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, can I see you for a second? [Tag Jones] Phoebe! That's a great name. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, you like that? You should hear my phone number. [Rachel Green] Okay. We'll be right back. [Phoebe Buffay] So you hired yourself a little treat did ya? [Rachel Green] All right I know, I know how it looks Pheebs, but I'm telling you... [Phoebe Buffay] But-but you know you cannot get involved with your assistant. [Rachel Green] Yes, I know that. I know that. And I know that hiring him was probably not the smartest thing that I've ever done. But I'm telling you, from this moment on I swear this is strictly professional. Yes? [Kathy] Hey Rachel! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Kathy] Cute assistant! What's his story? Is he... [Rachel Green] Gay? Yeah. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Terry. [Terry] Joey Tribbiani! I'm surprised your big head could fit through our small halls! I gotta go Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Wait! Terry! Wait-Look-Wait I-I... Look, I'm really sorry about before. I was an idiot thinking I'm too big to audition for you. You gotta give me another chance. [Terry] I can't help you Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Wait! Terry! Please! Look, I just lost my other job. Okay? You have no idea how much I need this. Please, help me out, for old times sake. [Nurse #1] This poor guy's been in a coma for five years. It's hopeless. [Nurse #2] It's not hopeless! Dr. Stryker Remoray's a miracle worker. Look, here he comes. [Dr. Stryker Remoray] Good morning. Drake, it's your brother Stryker. Can you hear me? [The Director] And cut! [Joey Tribbiani] I'm back baby! Ha-ha-ha! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Y'know, in my defense, umm there was no glitter on the macaroni and very little glue. [Ross Geller] And in my defense, the cleaning lady came on to me! [Chandler Bing] You have no trouble telling time now right? [Monica Geller] No! [Chandler Bing] Quick! What time is it?! [Monica Geller] I don't know! Time to kiss a guy maybe?! What are you laughing at Pampers? [Chandler Bing] Y'know when I said that because we're getting married that we should share everything and not have any secrets? [Monica Geller] Yeah? [Chandler Bing] Yeah that was stupid. Let's not do that. [Monica Geller] Ohh, absolutely. [Ross Geller] And! We should keep all the stuff uh, we told each other secret from everybody else. [Monica Geller] Yeah, definitely! [Ross Geller] Okay, if you'll excuse me, I-I'm gonna go hang out with some people who don't know the Space Mountain story. [Monica Geller] Then, I'd steer clear of Phoebe. [Ross Geller] Man! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, and not that you would, but I wouldn't hang out with...all the guys in my office. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi! [Tag Jones] Do you have a minute? [Rachel Green] Well yeah, sure, what's up? [Tag Jones] I got asked out twice today when I was at lunch...by guys. [Rachel Green] Oh really?! [Tag Jones] Yeah. Did you tell someone that I was gay? [Rachel Green] Oh, did you not want people to know that? [Tag Jones] But I'm not gay. And I especially wouldn't want you to think I was gay. [Rachel Green] Why's that? [Tag Jones] I don't think I should say. [Rachel Green] Ohh, you can say. Come on, I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me things. [Tag Jones] Okay. [Rachel Green] 'Kay. [Tag Jones] Well... [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Tag Jones] I'd love to ask out your friend Phoebe. [Rachel Green] Yeah, she's gay.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e04", "title": "The One With Rachel's Assistant"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Engagement Picture [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Monica Geller] What's the matter? [Chandler Bing] Someone on the subway licked my neck! Licked my neck!! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh Willie's still alive! [Chandler Bing] What are you guys doing? [Monica Geller] Oh, my mom called, they're gonna run our engagement announcement in the local paper, so we're looking for a good picture of us. [Chandler Bing] Oooh, I'm afraid that does not exist. [Monica Geller] That's not true, there are great pictures of us! [Chandler Bing] No, there are great pictures of you standing next to a guy who's going like this... [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! That's the creep that you're with at the Statue of Liberty. [Chandler Bing] I don't know what it is, I just can't take a good picture. [Monica Geller] Oh, here's a great one. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I'm not in that. [Monica Geller] I know, but look at me all tan. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, why don't you guys go, get portraits done by a professional photographer. [Monica Geller] That's a good idea! I bet they have one of those wind machines! Y'know... [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah that's great! Next to that, Chandler won't look so stupid. [Monica Geller] Chandler what do you say? [Chandler Bing] All right, but I should warn you, I'm not going. I'm going. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Dude, that reverse lay-up! Oh... [Chandler Bing] How about those three pointers? [Ross Geller] Amazing! [Chandler Bing] And those guys were this close to lettin' us play this time too. [Rachel Green] Hey look-look, Phoebe's talking to uh, Cute Coffeehouse Guy. [Ross Geller] Oh, you guys call him Cute Coffeehouse Guy, we call him Hums While He Pees. [Chandler Bing] Yes, and we call Ross Lingers In The Bathroom. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey you guys, Hums While He Pees just asked me out! [Rachel Green] Hey, I thought that guy was married. [Phoebe Buffay] He is! But he's getting divorced-Ross! Maybe you know him. [Ross Geller] It's not a club. [Rachel Green] Phoebe, if this guy's going through a divorce, is it such a good idea to start going out with him? [Ross Geller] Hey, divorced men are not bad men! [Chandler Bing] They have that on the napkins at the club. [Rachel Green] Oh, I gotta get back to work. [Phoebe Buffay] You don't have to be back for a half-hour! [Rachel Green] Yeah but, my assistant Tag does sit-ups in the office during lunch. Ohh! I could just spread him on a cracker. [Chandler Bing] Rach, if you have a crush on this guy, why would you hire him? I mean y'know you can't date him right? [Rachel Green] Oh no, I know that. I know that. Although, we made a joke that we spend so much time together he should call me his work wife. [Ross Geller] Soon he'll be able to call you, that lady he knew who got fired. [Rachel Green] I am not gonna get fired, because I'm not gonna act on it. [Phoebe Buffay] So you wouldn't mind if he was dating someone else? [Rachel Green] Why? Is he? He is! Isn't he? He's dating that slut in marketing! [Ross Geller] Maybe I should open a divorced men's club. [Chandler Bing] Dude that is so sad. [Ross Geller] I could put uh-uh a basketball court in the back. [Chandler Bing] Could I play? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh, no sit-ups today Tag? [Tag Jones] I just did them. [Rachel Green] Oh, well drop and give me ten more! [Tag Jones] What? [Rachel Green] Uh, I-I had a drink with lunch. Did those cost reports come in? [Tag Jones] Yeah, I filled them out last night? [Rachel Green] Oh, great could you make me four copies of those? [Melissa Warburton] Hey Rachel! [Rachel Green] Ahh, hi! Hi! Melissa, what's up? I'm just uh, about to umm, go out to the store to get some stuff to put in my backpack. Y'know, like dried fruit and granola and stuff. What's up? [Melissa Warburton] Umm, is Tag here? [Rachel Green] No. Why? [Melissa Warburton] Oh, I was gonna talk to him about doing something tonight. [Rachel Green] Really?! Got a little crush on Tag there do ya? [Melissa Warburton] Well, we've been flirting back and forth, but I was hoping that tonight it would turn into something a little more than that. [Rachel Green] Okay, whoa-whoa easy there Melissa! This ain't a locker room, okay? But, y'know I remember him saying that-that he had plans tonight. [Melissa Warburton] Oh no! [Rachel Green] Oh yeah. All right, back to work. [Melissa Warburton] Hey! Isn't that Tag's backpack. [Rachel Green] Yeah Melissa, I don't want to be known as the uh, office bitch, but I will call your supervisor. --------------------------------------- [The Photographer] Great! That's great Monica! Great! Now, Chandler, you want to give us a smile? [Chandler Bing] Okay. [The Photographer] I'm sorry, is the seat uncomfortable? [Chandler Bing] No, I am. [Monica Geller] Chandler, listen to me sweetie, I know you can do this. Okay? You have a beautiful smile. [Chandler Bing] I do? [Monica Geller] Yeah! All right, maybe you don't have to smile. Let's try something else. Let's try umm, try looking sexy. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] Or not. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi Joey! What are you doing here? [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh, well I've got an audition down the street and I spilled sauce all over the front of my shirt. You got an extra one? [Rachel Green] Yeah, sure. Umm...here. [Joey Tribbiani] Great. You got anything that's not Ralph Lauren? [Rachel Green] Yeah, I don't think so Joe. [Joey Tribbiani] All right, I guess this will be fine. [Rachel Green] Hey, listen umm, what-what are you doing tonight? [Joey Tribbiani] Nothing, why? [Rachel Green] How would you feel about taking out my assistant Tag? I'll pay. [Joey Tribbiani] Huh, Rach I got to say it's gonna take a lot of money for me to go out on a date with a dude. [Rachel Green] I'm not asking you to go on a date with him! [Joey Tribbiani] Really? 'Cause I could kinda use the money. [Rachel Green] Joey, just-just he-he's new in town and I know he doesn't have any guy friends. Just take him to like a ball game or something. I'll really appreciate it. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, okay. [Rachel Green] Yeah? [Joey Tribbiani] Sure, no problem. Ooh-Hey, donuts! [Rachel Green] Yeah! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I know. Let's try a look...of far off...wonderment. Okay, we'll-we'll gaze into our future and we'll think about our marriage and the days to come. Chandler! What is the matter with your face?! I mean this picture is supposed to say "Geller and Bing to be married," not "Local woman saves drowning moron!" Hey! Don't laugh at him! He's my drowning moron! [Chandler Bing] Aww! [Monica Geller] That's it! Take it! Take it! Take it! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] I like this one. It seems to say, "I love you and that's why I have to kill you." [Monica Geller] They can't all be bad. Find the one where you make your bedroom eyes. Ohh, there it is. [Chandler Bing] Oh my God! Those are my bedroom eyes?! Why did you ever sleep with me? [Monica Geller] Do you really want to pull at that thread? [Phoebe Buffay] I'm having a really good time! [The Cute Guy] Me too! I'm sorry that guy in the subway licked your neck. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh. No that's okay, he's a friend. [The Cute Guy] Hey uh, I don't mean to be presumptuous but I have these two tickets to the ballroom dancing finals tomorrow night if you want to go? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I... Well y'know I-I mean I missed the-the semi-finals, so I'd just be lost. [The Cute Guy] I know it's really lame, but I got these tickets from my boss and-Oh no! No! No! My God! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, don't freak out. I'll go. [The Cute Guy] No it's... Uh, my ex-wife Whitney is out there. I cannot deal with her right now. That woman is crazy! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I know. Hold on. Hey Ross? [Ross Geller] Yeah? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, umm that's Whitney , Kyle's ex-wife out there, now do you think that you can y'know divert her so that we can slip out? [Ross Geller] What?! No! [Phoebe Buffay] Well okay but I have two tickets to the ballroom dance finals. [Ross Geller] Look, I don't think so Pheebs. All right, I'll do it. But just because you're a friend. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hi Ginger. [Ross Geller] All right! I want my key back! [Phoebe Buffay] I don't have it! [Ross Geller] It's right there! [Phoebe Buffay] Ugh, okay Sherlock! [Ross Geller] Look, I'm sorry but you-you-you better go Pheebs. [Phoebe Buffay] All right, well I just wanted to say thank you though for diverting Kyle's ex. [Ross Geller] Oh yeah-No-You're welcome. We'll talk about it later. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Ross Geller] Hi Whitney. [Whitney] Hi Ross! You ready for breakfast? [Ross Geller] Yep. Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Kyle's ex-wife? You were supposed to divert her not date her! [Ross Geller] Hi! I'm sorry, but can you give me a second while I talk to this woman, who by the way did not spend the night. [Whitney] Sure. [Ross Geller] Okay. I did divert her and we ended up having a great time! Okay? [Phoebe Buffay] Watching ballroom dancing? [Ross Geller] Yes! That's where we realized we were both super cool people! [Phoebe Buffay] Well look-look, okay Ross, Kyle just told me some really bad stuff about her. [Ross Geller] Like what? [Phoebe Buffay] Like she's really mean, and she's over critical, and-and-No! She will paint a room a really bright color without even checking with you! [Ross Geller] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] And! She uses sex as a weapon! [Ross Geller] Fine! Thank you for warning me. At breakfast I'll be on full alert for room painting and sex weapons. [Phoebe Buffay] You're still gonna go out with her?! [Ross Geller] Yeah! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, didn't you just hear what I said?! [Ross Geller] Pheebs come on! I mean, consider the source! Of course her ex-husband's gonna say that stuff. Now, if you'll excuse me... [Phoebe Buffay] No listen to me! She is crazy! [Whitney] Uh, your door isn't sound proof. [Phoebe Buffay] You see? Nothing is good enough for her! --------------------------------------- [Tag Jones] Good morning. [Rachel Green] Hi Tag! Hey, so did you have fun with uh, with Joey last night? [Tag Jones] Oh yeah! We went to the Knicks game. [Rachel Green] Ohh that's nice. [Tag Jones] Then we went to this bar and he hooked us up with all these women! [Rachel Green] Wo-women? You mean like old women? [Tag Jones] Well kinda old, like 30. [Rachel Green] Oh. [Tag Jones] And I never used to be able to just talk to girls in bars, but I got like 20 phone numbers last night. [Rachel Green] That's great! Wow man, so Joey must've really taught you some stuff huh? [Tag Jones] A little. [Rachel Green] Yeah? [Tag Jones] How you doin'? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] See? That's a great smile! Easy. Natural. Now, pretend I have a camera. You're changing it! [Chandler Bing] I can't help it! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, all right, all right, all right, you wanna know what I do when I take resume shots? [Chandler Bing] Borrow money from me? [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, first-first of all, you want to make it look spontaneous. I look down , look down, keep looking down; then I look up. See? All right, now you try. Look down , you're looking down, keep looking down... [Chandler Bing] Why is there jelly on your shoe? [Joey Tribbiani] I had a donut. [Rachel Green] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Rachel Green] So uh, heard you had some fun with Tag last night. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! That guy's all right! [Rachel Green] Yeah and you had fun teaching him how to be all Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] What? [Rachel Green] Y'know, all the women. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey well, you can't teach someone to be good with women. Y'know, that's why I never had any luck with Chandler. [Chandler Bing] I'm right here! [Rachel Green] All right, would-would you mind just not going out with him again? Okay, just the idea of you and he and all these women, it's just-And I know he's my assistant and I can't date him-but it just bothers me, all right?! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! No-no-no-no, you can't take him away from me! I got a great partner to pick up girls with! Finally!! [Chandler Bing] I'm still right here! [Rachel Green] All right, will you, will you at least tell him how hollow and unsatisfying this, dating tons of women thing is! [Joey Tribbiani] What?! [Rachel Green] I just don't want him to meet anybody until I am over my crush-And I will get over it. It's-it's not like I love him, it's just physical! But-I mean I get crushes like this all the time! I mean hell, I had a crush on you when I first met ya! [Joey Tribbiani] I know, Monica told me. [Chandler Bing] Did you have a crush on me, when you first met me? [Rachel Green] Yeah. Sure. [Chandler Bing] Can you people not see me?! [Rachel Green] So, will you talk to him? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know Rach. [Rachel Green] Oh, come on! I'll give you ten free Ralph Lauren shirts. [Joey Tribbiani] One! No ten! You said ten! You can't take that back! --------------------------------------- [Tag Jones] Hey Joey, you wanted to talk to me? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know. You uh, you got something for me? [Tag Jones] Oh, yeah, this is from Rachel. [Joey Tribbiani] Ten. Okay. Now Tag there's such a thing as to many women. [Tag Jones] Really? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, for you! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey! There you are! [Chandler Bing] There I am! [Monica Geller] Are you okay? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, Joey said I uh, I needed to relax so he gave me an antihistamine. [Monica Geller] What?! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, and then I fell asleep on the subway and went all the way to Brooklyn. Brooklyn is f-far!! [Monica Geller] Chandler, what were you thinking? [Chandler Bing] I don't know, but don't worry, don't worry, because I know how to take a picture now. Okay, see? Look down , look down, look down... [Monica Geller] Chandler? [Chandler Bing] Yeah! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hi. [Ross Geller] Hi. [Phoebe Buffay] So, how are things going with crazy? Has she cooked your rabbit yet? [Ross Geller] Listen, you are hearing one side of the story, okay-and F.Y.I she must've shown Kyle over 30 paint samples before she painted that room! And his response to each one was, "I don't give a tiny rat's ass." [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah well, maybe she should've spent a little less time decorating and a little more time in the bedroom. [Ross Geller] Well, I don't think we are gonna have that problem, but maybe that's just because I am not emotionally unavailable! [Phoebe Buffay] You think he's emotionally unavailable? [Ross Geller] I think he can be. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, maybe he wouldn't be she didn't bring the office home every night! [Ross Geller] Well, excuse her for knowing what she wants to do with her life! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah well, she certainly knew what she was doing New Year's Eve 1997. [Ross Geller] I knew you were gonna throw that in my face!! That was three years ago! She apologized and she apologized! What more do you want?!! [Phoebe Buffay] We want the last six years back!! [Ross Geller] So do we!! So do we!! I'm sorry you had to see that. --------------------------------------- [Tag Jones] Good morning Rachel. [Rachel Green] Hi! Thanks, hey so uh what'd you do last night? [Tag Jones] Went out with Joey. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah? Another night of birdogging the chickas? [Tag Jones] No. We had a really good talk. I don't think I'm gonna do that bar scene anymore. [Rachel Green] Wow! I did not see that coming. [Tag Jones] It's just not really who I am. Y'know, I've always been happier when...Why am I telling you this? You don't care about this stuff. [Rachel Green] Oh no, yes I do! I do! I mean, come on go on, you were, you were saying I am happier when uh, y'know? [Tag Jones] When I'm in a relationship, I love having a girlfriend. [Rachel Green] Really? [Tag Jones] Someone I can spoil, y'know? [Rachel Green] Sp-spoil? [Tag Jones] Uh-huh! Let me ask you something? [Rachel Green] Uh-huh. [Tag Jones] Do you believe that there is one perfect person for everyone? [Rachel Green] Well, I-I'm startin' too. [Tag Jones] And if that person is already in your life, you should do something about it right? [Rachel Green] Yes! Hell yes! [Tag Jones] All right then, it's settled. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Tag Jones] I'm gettin' back together with my ex-girlfriend. [Rachel Green] I'd love to! [Tag Jones] What? [Rachel Green] Hello?! Oh, yeah! This is gonna be a while. Excuse me. Yeah! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] My God! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I'm sorry. Is that annoying? And speaking about being selfish in bed, how's Whitney? [Ross Geller] Well maybe she wouldn't have to be selfish in bed if someone else knew where everything was! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh he knows! For the most part. [Kyle] Oh hey! Good, you're both here. [Whitney] We kinda need to talk. [Phoebe Buffay] Both of you together? [Ross Geller] Wh-what's up? [Whitney] Well, I went over to Kyle's last night to pick up a few things and we got to reminiscing... [Kyle] ...we talked through most of the night and we realized that the reason we were so angry at each other was because there are still feelings there. So... [Ross Geller] Oh just say it Kyle! [Kyle] We're gonna give it another try. [Phoebe Buffay] What about her whining and her constant need for attention?! [Whitney] I'm gonna work on that. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh right, because you're so capable of change. [Ross Geller] Y'know, he hums when he pees! [Whitney] I do know. [Ross Geller] It makes him miss the bowl, but whatever. [Whitney] We're so sorry. [Ross Geller] That's all right, we-we don't need you. In fact, hey I'm over it already. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, and y'know what? I don't give a tiny rat's ass. [Kyle] Yeah, we're gonna go. [Ross Geller] I'm sorry. Ugh, Pheebs, you were, you were right about her. Y'know, she did try to use sex as a weapon! Yeah, I hurt my back a little. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. Y'know, he hums while he does other stuff to. [Ross Geller] Yeah, were better off without them. [Phoebe Buffay] And y'know, even if they break up again, you'd better not let him in your sad men's club! [Ross Geller] Divorced men's club. [Phoebe Buffay] Potato, Potaato. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey guys check it out! My mom sent me the paper! [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, let's see it! [Chandler Bing] Ahhh. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah, that looks good. [Phoebe Buffay] You guys make a very attractive couple. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, we look great together. [Monica Geller] Yeah, we really do! [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] Wow! Imagine what our kids would look like! [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know, we don't have to imagine. [Chandler Bing] I'm marrying her. [Joey Tribbiani] We'll just see.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e05", "title": "The One With The Engagement Picture"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Nap Partners [Monica Geller] Okay, the reason why I asked you guys out to brunch today is because I have been doing some thinking about who should be my maid of honor. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! This is it! I really hope it's you! [Phoebe Buffay] I hope it's you. [Rachel Green] Me too! [Monica Geller] First of all um, I love you both so much and you're both so important to me... [Rachel Green] Okay, bla-bla-bla-bla!! Who is it?! [Monica Geller] Well umm, I was thinking that maybe we could come up with a system where we trade of being maid of honor for each other. Like hypothetically, if Phoebe were mine... [Phoebe Buffay] Yes!!! Oh!! [Rachel Green] Hypothetically! [Phoebe Buffay] Still. [Monica Geller] If Phoebe were my maid of honor... [Rachel Green] Uh-hmm. [Monica Geller] Rachel would be Phoebe's, I would be Rachel's, that way we all get to do it once and no one would get upset. [Rachel Green] Yeah that's actually a pretty good idea. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I'll do that. So who gets to be yours? [Monica Geller] Well that's the best part. Umm, you guys get to decide! [Phoebe Buffay] Wh-why is that the best part? [Monica Geller] Because then I don't have to! [Rachel Green] Well of course we will help you decide! We will do anything we can to help you! Now, I would like to make a toast, to the future Mrs. Chandler Bing , my best friend, and truly one of the nicest people that... [Monica Geller] I'm really not deciding! [Rachel Green] Fine! [Woman] Excuse me, I-I couldn't help overhearing, you're marrying Chandler Bing? [Monica Geller] Yeah that's right. [Woman] Huh, good luck! [Phoebe Buffay] Aww, and good luck to you too! What a nice lady! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Die Hard still great! [Joey Tribbiani] Yep. Hey, what do you say we make it a double feature? [Chandler Bing] What'd you rent? [Joey Tribbiani] Die Hard 2. [Chandler Bing] Joey, this is Die Hard 1 again. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, well we watch it a second time and its Die Hard 2! [Ross Geller] Joey, we just saw it! [Joey Tribbiani] And? [Ross Geller] And it'll be cool to see it again! Yeah! [Joey Tribbiani] Die Hard!!!!!! [Ross Geller] Dude, you didn't say Die Hard. Is everything okay? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I just got uh, got plans. [Ross Geller] Well, John McLane had plans! [Chandler Bing] No, see the thing is I want to get out of here before Joey gets all worked up and starts calling everybody bitch. [Joey Tribbiani] What are you talking about? Bitch. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey Rachel? [Rachel Green] Yeah? [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, when I get married will you be my maid of honor? [Rachel Green] Really?! [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-hmm. [Rachel Green] Oh my God Phoebe! I mean I'm just-Wait a minute. If I'm your maid of honor that means you are Monica's. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Well, if that's what you want... [Rachel Green] Ohh! No way Phoebe! I want to be Monica's! [Phoebe Buffay] But why does it even matter?! [Rachel Green] Why does it matter so much to you?! [Phoebe Buffay] Because this one is now! And-and it's two of our best friends! Who knows what you're gonna marry! [Rachel Green] What-what if I marry Ross-Or Joey? [Phoebe Buffay] You wouldn't! Okay look, Rachel I know you really want to do this, but I-I've never been maid of honor to anyone before! And I know you've done it at least twice! [Rachel Green] Yeah but Phoebe... [Phoebe Buffay] And no, oh please, oh please let me finish. Oh I guess that was it. [Rachel Green] Okay. Okay. It's-since you've never done it before you can be Monica's made of honor. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, thank you so much! Okay. [Rachel Green] I'm gonna marry someone good y'know. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh I know. [Rachel Green] Better than Chandler. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] What happened?!! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I don't know!! [Ross Geller] We fell asleep! That is all. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. Yep. Yeah. All right, well uh, I'd better go. [Ross Geller] I think that would be best. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. All right, I'll talk to you later. [Ross Geller] Okay. But not about this! [Joey Tribbiani] No! Never! Never! Bye. [Ross Geller] No touch! No touch! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Yeah hey, a weird thing happened today whey I was at brunch. This woman overheard that I was marrying you and-and then she...she wished me good luck. [Chandler Bing] That's sweet. [Monica Geller] No, it's more like a good luck. [Chandler Bing] So uh, what did this woman look like? [Monica Geller] She was like 30, dark hair, attractive. [Chandler Bing] Well, is there any chance you were looking into a bright, shiny thing called a mirror? [Monica Geller] Come on, was it somebody maybe you dated in college? [Chandler Bing] No, no I only dated two girls in college, both blonde, both not attractive... Hold on one second; let me check this out. (He gets up and grabs a photo album. [Monica Geller] What are you doing? [Chandler Bing] Well, let's see... Okay uh, is that her? [Monica Geller] Oh my God yes! Who is she? [Chandler Bing] Julie Grath, my camp girlfriend. [Monica Geller] Did you break up with her? [Chandler Bing] No, we're still together. Yeah we went out for two summers, and then I broke up with her. [Monica Geller] Why? [Chandler Bing] Well, 'cause she came back the third summer and she'd gotten really fa-aa-aw-ow... [Monica Geller] Fat?! [Chandler Bing] I did not say fat! I said, "Fa-aa-aw-ow..." [Monica Geller] You broke up with a girl because she was fat?! [Chandler Bing] Yeah. Yeah, but it was a really, really long time ago! Does she still feel bad? [Monica Geller] Well, apparently she does. [Chandler Bing] Well, you know what they say, elephants never forget. Seriously, good luck marrying me. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! What's going on? [Rachel Green] Phoebe is gonna be Monica's maid of honor! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Well I hope it goes better than the last time you did it for that girl downstairs, remember? [Rachel Green] You have been maid of honor before?!! [Phoebe Buffay] See? This is exactly why you shouldn't lie! [Rachel Green] All right that's it! I am maid of honor! [Phoebe Buffay] Na-uh, I am! [Rachel Green] How come you are?! [Phoebe Buffay] Because I cared enough to lie! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey-hey-hey, I can help you decide who should do it! Yeah, we could have like uh, like an audition and see how you'd handle maid of honor type situations. [Phoebe Buffay] What are you talking about? [Joey Tribbiani] Like when I want a job, I go to an audition and if I'm the best of the people they see, they give me the part. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, so after this audition, who decides who gets it? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh uh, me and Ross can be the judges. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, it's better than us deciding. [Rachel Green] Oh, come on! This is crazy! Can't we just flip a coin?! [Phoebe Buffay] No! Coins hate me! [Rachel Green] Okay. Okay fine, y'know what? We will let Ross and Joey decide. Hiiiii, Ross! Sweetie. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey there, you handsome thing. [Ross Geller] Wow, this cologne really is every bit as good as Georgio. [Joey Tribbiani] Hi. [Ross Geller] Just uh, brought back your videos. [Joey Tribbiani] Uh hey look uh Ross, look I think we need to talk about before. [Ross Geller] No! No we don't! [Joey Tribbiani] Yes we do! Now look, that was the best nap I ever had!! [Ross Geller] I... I don't know what you are talking about. [Joey Tribbiani] Come on! Admit it! That was the best nap you ever had! [Ross Geller] I've had better. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay! When?! [Ross Geller] All right! All right! It was the best nap ever! [Joey Tribbiani] Uh-huh! [Ross Geller] I've said it! Okay?! But it's over Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] I want to do it again. [Ross Geller] We can't do it again. [Joey Tribbiani] Why not? [Ross Geller] Because it's weird! [Joey Tribbiani] Fine! Do you want something to drink? [Ross Geller] Sure, what do you got? [Joey Tribbiani] Warm milk and Excedrin P.M. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Chandler! Chandler! I just figured out who you are! [Chandler Bing] Can you figure out what I'm doing? [Monica Geller] You're Lewis Posin. [Chandler Bing] Who? [Monica Geller] Lewis Posin! He was my best friend in fifth grade, and-and then one day I asked him to be my boyfriend and he said no. Do you know why? [Chandler Bing] Because you kept talking to him while he was trying to go to the bathroom?! [Monica Geller] No! But because he thought I was to faaaaa.... And every time I think about it, it makes me feel as bad as I did in fifth grade! Y'know, I-I really think that you should apologize to Julie. [Chandler Bing] What? Are you kidding? That was like 16 years ago. [Monica Geller] No, I know. But y'know what? It would make me feel better if Lewis apologized to me. [Chandler Bing] Okay, I will do it. But I have to warn you; this may make me a better person and that is not the man you feel in love with! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, all right, this is how it's going to work. We're gonna give you hypothetical maid of honor situations and you will be scored on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the highest. [Ross Geller] No, 10 is the highest. [Joey Tribbiani] Why is 10 the highest? [Ross Geller] Because It's The Highest. Situation No.1 You're with Monica, the wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet. Go! [Joey Tribbiani] I don't want to marry Chandler! [Rachel Green] Okay, uh... [Joey Tribbiani] I've got cold feet. [Rachel Green] ...it's gonna be okay! [Joey Tribbiani] No, one man for the rest of my life? I don't know if I can do it! This means I'll never get to sleep with Joey! [Rachel Green] Look Monica, getting cold feet is very common. Y'know, it's-it's just because of all the anticipation and you just have to remember that you love Chandler. And also, I ran out on a wedding. You don't get to keep the gifts. [Joey Tribbiani] Very good! Drawing on your own experience, I like that! [Rachel Green] Thanks! [Ross Geller] Yes, very nice Rachel. [Rachel Green] Thank you judges. [Phoebe Buffay] Ugh, what a kiss ass. [Rachel Green] Oh! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, Phoebe... [Phoebe Buffay] Yes! Your honor? [Joey Tribbiani] We're now in the ceremony, Monica is about to say, "I do" when her drunk uncle starts yelling. What do you do? Go! [Ross Geller] When Monica was a little girl, I remember that--Ooh!! Ow! Very good! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! [Joey Tribbiani] Yes! Excellent! Perfect score! [Rachel Green] Wait a minute! She just made a scene in the middle of the ceremony! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! Do you want do you want a little taste of Pheebs?! [Ross Geller] It is time for you to give your maid of honor speech. [Rachel Green] Ohh, wait a minute, we haven't pre... [Ross Geller] Go! [Rachel Green] Okay! Okay! Umm, Webster's Dictionary defines marriage as... Okay!! Forget that! That sucks!! Okay, never mind! Forget it! Umm, umm, okay, uh... I met, I-I met, I met Monica when we were just a couple of six year olds and I became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a six year old. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh! That's nice. [Rachel Green] Thank you. Thank you very much. Umm, I've known them separately and I've known them together and-and to know them as a couple is to know that you are truly in the presence of love. So I would like to raise my glass to Monica and Chandler and the beautiful adventure they are about to embark upon together. I can think of no two people better prepared for the journey. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow. Good speech. [Ross Geller] Yeah, it really was! [Rachel Green] Aw, thanks! [Ross Geller] Okay Phoebe, I guess you're next although I really don't see the point. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I can't believe that Monica and Chandler are getting married. I remember talking about this day with Rachel while we were showering together, naked. [Joey Tribbiani] And she's back in the game. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Julie hi! Chandler Bing, I, I guess you remember me. [Julie Graff] Hello Skidmark. [Chandler Bing] It's a nickname, I'll explain later. [Monica Geller] It's pretty clear. [Chandler Bing] Ah, uh, I owe you a long overdue apology. I never should have broken up with you because you were overweight. [Julie Graff] That's why you broke up with me? [Chandler Bing] You-you-you didn't know that. Well, I guess my work here is done! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] All right, well first of all I would like to say that you both performed very well. Okay? You should be proud of yourselves. And-and I would also like to say that in this competition there are no losers. Well, except for Rachel-Damnit! [Phoebe Buffay] Really?! I won! [Rachel Green] What?! [Ross Geller] I'm sorry Rach, it was, it was really close. [Rachel Green] Well then I demand a recount! [Ross Geller] Actually, it wasn't that close. [Rachel Green] No! Y'know what? No! No! You thing was so stupid anyway, this was ridiculous-We're gonna flip a coin! All right?! Heads! [Phoebe Buffay] The coins have finally forgiven me! [Rachel Green] Well y'know what? I hope Monica forgives you after you throw her, her vegetarian, voodoo, goddess circley shower! [Phoebe Buffay] Rach, it's gonna be okay! You guys are the best! [Joey Tribbiani] Boy I tell ya, that judging stuff took a lot out of me. [Ross Geller] Yeah? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! I was thinking about maybe going upstairs and taking a little nap on my couch. [Ross Geller] Why-why would I care about that? [Joey Tribbiani] No reason, I'm just saying that uh... That's where I'll be. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] As bad as that went I actually enjoyed myself. I think that I'm going to apologize for all of the stupid things I do. [Monica Geller] Why don't you just stop doing stupid things? Then you wouldn't have to apologize. [Chandler Bing] I would really love it if could do both. [Monica Geller] All right, I...I have to ask. [Chandler Bing] What? [Monica Geller] Are you gonna break up with me if I get fat again? [Chandler Bing] What?! [Monica Geller] Well, you broke up with Julie Grath! How much weight could she have gained? [Chandler Bing] A hundred and forty-five pounds. [Monica Geller] In one year?! My God what did she eat? Her-her family! That's not the point. [Chandler Bing] Look I know it was a stupid reason to break up with somebody, but I was 15! [Monica Geller] Well... That's not the only time this was an issue. You remember when umm, you spent Thanksgiving with us? You called me fat. [Chandler Bing] Okay. Okay, now wait a minute that was totally different. [Monica Geller] How? [Chandler Bing] You were not supposed to hear that! I said that behind you back! [Monica Geller] What if I have babies, okay? I mean I'm gonna look different. I'm okay with that, but I'm not sure that you are! [Chandler Bing] Look you have to realize I don't think of you as a thin, beautiful woman. See this is one of things that I can apologize for later! Look, what I mean is you're Monica! Okay? And I am in love with Monica. [Monica Geller] Keep going. [Chandler Bing] So you can balloon up or you can shrink down and I will still love you. [Monica Geller] Even if I shrink down to two inches tall? [Chandler Bing] I'd carry you around in my pocket. [Monica Geller] I love you. [Chandler Bing] Skidmark's still got a way with the ladies. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi Pheebs. [Phoebe Buffay] Hi! [Rachel Green] Hi! I just want to apologize. I'm really sorry I was a baby. [Phoebe Buffay] That's ridiculous Rachel, we were all babies once. Oh, you mean today. [Rachel Green] Yeah. Yeah, and y'know you-you deserve to win. And-and y'know I was thinking about it, if-if you're Monica's maid of honor that means I get to be yours. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah! [Rachel Green] Yeah! Oh, umm when-when Monica and Chandler got engaged I started putting some stuff together, y'know just in case... [Phoebe Buffay] Oh that's so sweet thanks. [Rachel Green] Here is a book of poetry that I know Monica loves. And-and ohh God this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride. And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman. Oh and here's a little purse that I found. Y'know I just thought that maybe they could hold the rings in there. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh. [Rachel Green] And umm, vintage handkerchiefs y'know 'cause, people cry at weddings. I'm just gonna grab a couple of these. [Phoebe Buffay] This stuff is great! [Rachel Green] Oh, I forgot this was in here. Umm, this was the uh garter that I was saving for my wedding and I wanted it to be Monica's something borrowed and it's blue. Yeah... [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know Rach, I think that, I think you should be Monica's made of honor. [Rachel Green] You do? Why? [Phoebe Buffay] Because I think it means more to you. [Rachel Green] But Pheebs, y'know you earned it. [Phoebe Buffay] Its fine. I mean, this is something that you've been thinking about since you were what, 14? [Rachel Green] No, I was ten. I just developed early. [Phoebe Buffay] Man alive! [Monica Geller] Hey, what's going on? [Rachel Green] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, we just decided that Rachel is gonna be your maid of honor. [Monica Geller] Ohh, wow! That's great! Oh wow! We really have to start planning! I have, I have a lot of really specific ideas! We should probably get together like four times per week. You can come over to my place; we'll get together before work! What do you say, 6:30, my place? I'm so excited! [Rachel Green] Yeah okay, you laugh now, but she's gonna be yours. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Great nap. [Ross Geller] It really was. [Joey Tribbiani] Dude! What the hell are you doing?! God! [Ross Geller] Excuse me.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e06", "title": "The One With The Nap Partners"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Ross's Library Book [Joey Tribbiani] Morning! [Rachel Green] Hi! Oh, how was your date last night? [Joey Tribbiani] Pretty good. [Rachel Green] Oh good. Ahhh! My God, sorry! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, really good. Anyway I gotta go; I'm late for work. [Rachel Green] What-what?! You're gonna leave this person with me?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah-Hey, don't worry, she's a terrific girl. And hey listen, could you do me a favor? When she comes out could you just mention that I'm not looking for a serious relationship; that'd be great. [Rachel Green] Why?! What?! Are you kidding?! [Joey Tribbiani] Just casually slip it in, y'know lay the groundwork. Tell her uh, I'm a loner-No! An outlaw! Tell her she doesn't want to get mixed up with the likes of me. [Rachel Green] Y'know what? That's a lot to remember, can't I just tell her you're a pig? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, I'm gonna call her later! Honest! Oh come on, Chandler used to do it! He'd even make the girl pancakes! Plus, he'd make extras and leave 'em for me. [Rachel Green] Well forget it, I'm not telling that girl anything. That is not my responsibility. [Joey Tribbiani] Fine! Now, where'd we land on those pancakes? [Joey's Date] Hi! [Rachel Green] Hi. [Joey's Date] Sorry about that, but I couldn't get that lock to work on the door. [Rachel Green] Yeah, Joey kinda disabled it when I moved in. [Joey's Date] You must be Rachel, I'm Erin. [Rachel Green] Hi. [Erin] Hi. I don't mean this to sound like high school, but did he say anything about me? [Rachel Green] Would you like some pancakes? --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] ...Come on! Why are we here?! [Ross Geller] Okay, okay take a guess. [Chandler Bing] The hot chicks? [Ross Geller] Okay, okay, I was typing names into the library computer earlier, y'know-y'know for fun, and I typed mine in and guess what came up? My doctoral dissertation! It's here! Yeah, it's right-it's right down here! In the biggest library in the university! [Chandler Bing] Wow that's actually pretty cool. [Ross Geller] Oh umm, there's also a book here by a woman named Wendy Bagina. What is that? [Chandler Bing] Sounds like two people are really enjoying the Dewey decimal system. [Female Student] I'm so sorry! [Male Student] Sorry! [Chandler Bing] You didn't bring me here to do that, did you? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] She sent the chicken back again?! [The Waitress] She says it's to dry now and she wants to come back here and explain to you exactly how she wants it. [Monica Geller] Well fine! I want to meet this chicken expert! Send the Colonel in! [The Colonel] OH...MY...GAWD!!!! [Monica Geller] Lucky bastard! Janice. [Janice Litman Goralnik] How are you Ms. Hot Shot chef with the big fancy restaurant with the best chicken ever! [Monica Geller] I'm fine. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Ohh! What is that on your finger?! I'm blind! [Monica Geller] Oh... Uh... [Janice Litman Goralnik] So, who's the lucky guy? [Chandler Bing] OH...MY...GAWD! I am so sorry sweetie, are you okay? You didn't tell her we were getting married, did you? [Monica Geller] Well, she saw the ring. [Chandler Bing] Did she freak out? [Monica Geller] Well, she was shocked when I told her, but then again so were most people. [Chandler Bing] Right. [Monica Geller] Well, she actually has a boyfriend y'know herself, named Clark. Uh, she also kinda invited herself to our wedding. Clark too. [Chandler Bing] You said no right? [Monica Geller] Huh? [Chandler Bing] You said no right?! [Monica Geller] Well, she corned me! She asked if the wedding was in town! I mean, what was I supposed to do?! [Chandler Bing] Lie!!! How hard is that?! The check's in the mail! Oh your baby is so cute! I can't wait to read your book Ross!! [Monica Geller] Come on! So she comes to the wedding! I mean it won't be so bad. [Chandler Bing] What do you think she's just gonna sit there quietly? You don't think she's gonna want to make a toast? You don't think she's gonna want to grab the microphone and sing Part-time Lover?! [Monica Geller] Oh my God, she's not gonna like the chicken that night either is she?! [Chandler Bing] Y'know what? It's gonna be okay. Y'know what? She's probably not gonna even want to come. [Monica Geller] Really? [Chandler Bing] No! That was a lie! See how easy that was? [Monica Geller] So-so you would've just lied? [Chandler Bing] Yes!! [Monica Geller] Would it really have been that easy? [Chandler Bing] Yes!!! [Monica Geller] Good, so do it Saturday night because we're going to dinner with her and Clark. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! What's up? [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey, who's your friend? Hey!! [Erin] Hey Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Erin! Still here! [Rachel Green] Yeah, we ended up spending the day together and had such a great time! [Joey Tribbiani] Why wouldn't ya? Erin is great! Then-then there's you guys. [Erin] Ohh, listen. I've got to get going. Today was great, thanks! [Rachel Green] I know! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay! [Erin] Bye Joey. Last night was fun. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. I'll uh, I'll call ya. [Rachel Green] Oh and I'll call ya too! [Erin] Or I'll call you! [Phoebe Buffay] And call me! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, good to see you again. [Erin] Bye. [Joey Tribbiani] Bye-bye. [Rachel Green] Bye! [Joey Tribbiani] So, system kinda broke down huh?! [Rachel Green] Oh Joey, I'm sorry I just couldn't tell her all those things you wanted me to tell her. And y'know we got to talking and I... [Phoebe Buffay] We want you to marry her! [Joey Tribbiani] What?!! [Phoebe Buffay] She is so amazing! You have no idea. [Joey Tribbiani] No idea? Who do you think brought her here? [Rachel Green] Cupid. [Phoebe Buffay] Joey, she's so cool. She speaks four languages. [Joey Tribbiani] Man, do you know what guys want! [Rachel Green] Look Joey, come on she's so perfect for you! I mean she's sweet, she-she likes baseball, and she-she had two beers at lunch. [Joey Tribbiani] My beers?! Look you guys, she's a very nice girl. Okay? We had a good time, but I just-I don't see it going anywhere. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, but you always say that. [Rachel Green] Yeah, maybe if you gave this girl a chance it would go somewhere. [Joey Tribbiani] Look I'm sorry you guys, I-I just don't think so. [Phoebe Buffay] Whatever. [Rachel Green] Fine. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, don't start judging me! Huh? You're the one who's in love with her assistant! Huh? And you, you're the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof! [Rachel Green] Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] Secret affair! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] People are doing it in front of my book! [Rachel Green] I'm sorry? [Ross Geller] My doctoral dissertation is in the library at school, I went to see it, and there were students makin' babies right in the middle of the Paleontology section! [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Did you get to see anything good? [Ross Geller] Let me ask you something, at your school was there a like uh a place on campus where students went to uh, fool around. [Rachel Green] Yeah, there was. It was-there the corner of the library where-where all these dusty books that nobody ever read-Yes, there was. [Ross Geller] Great! Because people kept showing up, I think it's like uh-a thing! [Joey Tribbiani] Now hold on a second, fifth floor against that back wall? [Ross Geller] Oh for cryin' out loud! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, so we should go catch our movie. [Rachel Green] Well now what's the rush? [Joey Tribbiani] I like to see the previews. The candy. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. Hey! [Rachel Green] Well look who's here! [Erin] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Erin] Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Erin. [Erin] Hey Rachel. [Rachel Green] Hi! Well, we were just about to take off and see a movie. Oh no! [Erin] What's wrong? [Rachel Green] Oh Phoebe, we forgot that party we have to go to. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no. [Joey Tribbiani] What party? [Phoebe Buffay] A birthday party. [Joey Tribbiani] Who's birthday party? [Phoebe Buffay] Allison's birthday party. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, and how is Allison? [Phoebe Buffay] 32. [Rachel Green] Wait a minute! Why don't you guys do something?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, look how that worked out. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Excuse me. Hi, I'm a professor here. Do you know the Paleontology section, fifth floor, stack 437? [The Librarian] Well, yes! Just give me five minutes, I just have to find someone to cover my shift. [Ross Geller] No! No!! No! Can I speak to someone in charge please?! [The Head Librarian] How can I help you? [Ross Geller] Hi, I was wondering if it is possible to increase security in the Paleontology section? See I-I wrote a book up there and instead of reading it people are-are-are well, rolling around in front of it. [The Head Librarian] We are aware of the problem you are referring too. But as far as increasing security, I'm afraid the library is very understaffed. I, I can't help you. [Ross Geller] Well, fine. Fine! If-if I'm the only person with any appreciation of the sanctity of the written word, I'll go up there and defend it myself! And don't you follow me! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Rachel Green] How did it go with Erin? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, unbelievable! We had the best time! [Phoebe Buffay] Yay!! Oh so, you're not, you're not mad at us anymore? [Joey Tribbiani] No! No! No! You guys were totally right! This is so much better than the first time we went out. Y'know? That was so awkward, we were really nervous. [Phoebe Buffay] Didn't you sleep together? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah that really calms me down. And! We have so much in common! She loves sandwiches, sports, although she is a Met fan, not much of an issue now but if were ever to have kids, well that's a... [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Listen to you talkin' about having kids. Oh my Joey. Oh, please don't get married before I do. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. --------------------------------------- [Janice Litman Goralnik] Oh. Oh I just cannot believe Clark stood me up! [Monica Geller] He might still show up. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Oh, what are you, stupid? It's been three hours. [Monica Geller] Is that all? [Janice Litman Goralnik] I should just go on to happier things, okay? Umm, why don't you tell about your lovely wedding? [Chandler Bing] Well actually uh, there was something we wanted to tell you about the wedding. Um, it's going to be a small ceremony. Uh, tiny! We're not even sure why we're having it. [Monica Geller] It's actually going to be just family. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Oh...wait...you two think of me as family?! Oh, I have to ask you something now and be honest; do you want me to sing Careless Whisper or Lady In Red? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] How can you say that?! The Mets have no closer! [Erin] What about Benitez? [Joey Tribbiani] What about Game 1 of the Series? [Erin] What about shut up? [Joey Tribbiani] You shut up! I love arguing with her. I'll be right back. [Erin] Okay. [Rachel Green] So how's it goin' with Joey? [Erin] Uh, okay. [Rachel Green] Okay? Wait okay, tell-tell me that you like him, please? I mean tell me that you like him. [Erin] Look, he's a really great guy and I know that you really want this to work out, but I just don't see this having a future. [Rachel Green] But you said that you liked him! I mean what happened?! Did ya just change your mind?! [Erin] Kinda. [Phoebe Buffay] Then change it back! [Erin] I'm sorry I... It's just there's no real spark. [Phoebe Buffay] No spark? Didn't you sleep together? [Erin] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Ugh, tramp! [Phoebe Buffay] Does Joey have any idea? [Erin] I really don't think he does. And y'know what? Maybe you guys could help clue him in. Y'know, tell him I'm-I'm not interested in a serious relationship or something. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, you mean like that you're kind of a loner. [Erin] Yeah! That would be great! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, and maybe that you're a real [Erin] I'm sorry? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh well, I guess Italian isn't one of the four languages you speak. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! You wanna go? [Erin] Yeah, let's go. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. See you guys later. [Erin] Bye guys. [Rachel Green] Yeah, see ya. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, thank you so much. [Rachel Green] Wow. Well, I guess it was Cupid who brought her here. [Phoebe Buffay] No, just a regular old flying dwarf. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Yes? Yes?! How can I help you? [Guy] Yeah, we were...we were just looking around. [Ross Geller] Oh-oh, you're-you're fellow scholars. What exactly were you looking for, hmm? Perhaps, perhaps Dr. Chester Stock's musings on the Smiledon Californicus? [Guy] Uhh.... [Ross Geller] Ah... Ah...Get out of here! Uh, meeting someone? Or-or are you just here to brush up on Marion's views on evolution? [Woman] Uh, actually I find Marion's views far to progressionist. [Ross Geller] I find Marion's views far to progressionist. [Woman] I'm sorry, who are you? [Ross Geller] I'm a professor here uh, Ross...Geller. [Woman] Ross Geller, why do I know that name? It's uh-Wait! Did you write this? [Ross Geller] Yes! You're the person who checked out my book?! [Woman] Y'know, you look nothing like I would've thought. You're...you're so young. [Ross Geller] Well I uh, I skipped forth grade. [Ross Geller] I am very...very sorry. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] So how was, how was your date? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, it was great! I mean we walked all around the village. We went to this ice cream place, split a milkshake, 70/30 but still... And guess what, I'm thinking about taking her upstate to one of those bed and breakfasts. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh really? She said she wants to go away with you? [Joey Tribbiani] No-no-no-no-no! It's a surprise, but it's gonna be tricky thought because she said she was gonna be pretty busy at work for a while. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no, yeah. [Rachel Green] Jo-Joey, look honey we-we need to talk okay? Umm, I kinda got the feeling from her today that uh, she's not lookin' for a serious relationship. [Joey Tribbiani] Where are you gettin' this? [Rachel Green] Well, she told me. She said she's kinda a loner. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh. Oh. [Rachel Green] Joey... [Joey Tribbiani] No hey Rach, it's cool okay? Y'know I'm a loner too! Right? [Phoebe Buffay] Hey Joey, y'know what? You are way to good for her. [Rachel Green] Yeah and honey I promise next time that I will just say good-bye and tell 'em you're not looking for a relationship. [Joey Tribbiani] No! No. Don't do that, just next time make sure she really likes me. [Rachel Green] Well that too. Joey? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah? [Rachel Green] Do you want some pancakes? [Joey Tribbiani] Finally! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] What are we gonna do? [Chandler Bing] I say we go with Careless Whisper. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Chandler? [Chandler Bing] Did she see us yet? Did she see us? [Monica Geller] Janice, what umm, what are you doing here? [Janice Litman Goralnik] Well umm, I thought I was going to go back to my apartment but then I just felt I couldn't really be alone tonight. I was wondering if I could maybe stay here with you, just I really feel that I need to be with family. [Monica Geller] Our kids are gonna call her Aunt Janice aren't they? [Janice Litman Goralnik] Please, it's because otherwise I really don't know what I might do. [Chandler Bing] Aren't you just a tinsy bit curious? [Janice Litman Goralnik] Do you have any tissues? [Monica Geller] Yeah, in-in-in the bathroom. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Okay! [Monica Geller] We'll just...we'll just let her stay. [Chandler Bing] No-no-no-no, if we let her stay, she will stay forever! [Monica Geller] Kinda like your Barca lounger. [Chandler Bing] Is that what you're thinking about right now? [Monica Geller] I never stop thinking about it. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Hey you guys, umm do either one of you want to get in there before I take my bath. [Chandler Bing] Janice, I'm sorry but umm, you can't stay here tonight. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Why not? [Chandler Bing] Honestly? Our apartment is a hotbed for electromagnetic activity. Now Monica and I have been immunized, but sadly you have not. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Okay, I'm going to need a comforter, but did you have a hypoallergenic one because otherwise I get very nasal. Do you have a cat? 'Cause it's already happening. Do you hear that? [Monica Geller] Oh my God! Oh my God! You have to go! [Janice Litman Goralnik] Why? [Monica Geller] Because Chandler still has feelings for you! [Janice Litman Goralnik] He does? [Chandler Bing] Say again? [Monica Geller] That's right. That's right. And that is why you can't stay here tonight. And probably why you shouldn't come to the wedding. [Chandler Bing] Feelings, such strong feelings. [Monica Geller] I mean, I realize that his feelings may never completely go away, but you can. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Oh...my Gawd, I-I understand. I-I am so sorry, I'll go. Good-bye Monica , I wish you a lifetime of happiness with him. Chandler, you call me when this goes in the pooper. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Don't sweat it, I've got this section covered. Yeah, in fact I've got this little baby to shine in people's eye--Okay, see you later. [Chandler Bing] I just wanted to show Monica your book.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e07", "title": "The One With Ross's Library Book"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs [Ross Geller] Hey everybody! Happy Thanksgiving! [Chandler Bing] No, no, no. No-no-no. [Joey Tribbiani] Shhhh! [Ross Geller] What, are we keeping Thanksgiving a secret this year? [Chandler Bing] No, we're playing this game I learned at work. You have to name all the states in six minutes. [Ross Geller] What? That's like insanely easy! [Chandler Bing] Now, that's a lot harder than it sounds. You always forget at least one, or in some cases... fourteen . [Monica Geller] It's a stupid game and I wasn't playing against other people, so technically I didn't lose. [Ross Geller] What? You forgot fourteen states? [Monica Geller] Nobody cares about the Dakotas. [Chandler Bing] Oh, okay, time's up! [Rachel Green] All right, I got 48. [Chandler Bing] Oh that's not bad, Pheebs? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I Got Tired Of Naming States. So I Decided To List The Types Of Celery, And I Have One regular celery. [Chandler Bing] Okay, so Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in...vegetables, Joey? [Joey Tribbiani] Say hello to the new champ of Chandler's dumb states game. [Ross Geller] Wow, how many have you got? [Joey Tribbiani] Fifty-six! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! How is New England not a state? Huh? They have a sports-team! [Chandler Bing] Does South Oregon have a sports-team? There you go. [Rachel Green] How come we have one extra place setting? [Monica Geller] 'Cause you invited your assistant. [Rachel Green] Oh, right. Sorry. But Tag's not coming; his girlfriend came into town, so he's spending Thanksgiving with her. [Monica Geller] Oh! Why didn't you tell me? I made him his own individual sweet potato stuffed pumpkin. [Rachel Green] Well, I was going to, but then I figured, you know... you're food is so delicious and perfect, you can never have too many of those pumpkin things. [Monica Geller] Now you think I wouldn't enjoy that, because it is so fake, but I still do. [Phoebe Buffay] Regular Celery! Oh, I already have that. [Ross Geller] Done! With time a-to-spare. [Chandler Bing] Oooh that may be a New World's record [Ross Geller] You know, I hate to lecture you guys, but it's kinda disgraceful, that a group of well-educated adults and Joey can't name all the states. Did you ever see a map, or one of those round, colorful things called "a globe?" Hmm? [Chandler Bing] Uh, Magellan? You got 46 states. [Ross Geller] What? That's impossible. [Joey Tribbiani] 46. Wow! Who's well educated now, Mr. I-forgot-ten-states? [Monica Geller] All right, I'm out of oven space. I'm gonna turn on Joey's. Please, watch him! Do not let Joey eat any of the food! [Chandler Bing] I am only one man! Okay Ross, time is up! [Ross Geller] No, just give me another minute. [Chandler Bing] Look Ross, if you don't know them by now, you will never know them, okay? That is the beauty of this game. It makes you want to kill yourself. [Ross Geller] This-this is crazy! I can do this! All right, uhh, I bet I can get all 50 before dinner. [Chandler Bing] Okay, but if you can't...no dinner! [Ross Geller] You're on! [Joey Tribbiani] All right. Don't look at my list, Ross, 'cause there's a lot on there that you don't have. [Monica Geller] Hey, did you guys know, that your oven doesn't work? [Joey Tribbiani] But the drawer full of take-out menus is okay, right? [Monica Geller] Ross, I'm gonna use yours, okay? [Ross Geller] Pshhshhh! [Monica Geller] Chandler? Can you give me a hand? [Chandler Bing] Sure, and Joey; do not let Ross look at any of the maps or the globe in your apartment. [Joey Tribbiani] Don't worry, Chandler, it's not a globe of the United States. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey you guys I'm gonna go out and take a walk. [Ross Geller] Phoebe, why is your bag moving? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, it's not! [Rachel Green] Seriously, it's moving! [Joey Tribbiani] What the hell is in there? [Phoebe Buffay] It's just my knitting that's all! Yes! I knit this. I'm very good. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Ross's apartment is nice! How come we don't hang out here more often? [Chandler Bing] I don't know. Maybe it's because it smells a little weird. It's like old pumpkins or something. [Monica Geller] That's my pie! [Chandler Bing] Which smells delicious! [Monica Geller] Uh-oh! Uh-oh! [Chandler Bing] What? [Monica Geller] We left Joey alone with the food! Yep! Yep, I knew it! There he is... feeding stuffing to a dog! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hi Geller-Bing residence. How can I help? [Monica Geller] Phoebe, why is there a dog in our apartment? [Phoebe Buffay] I'm sorry, who's this? [Monica Geller] Phoebe, there's a dog sitting on my couch! [Chandler Bing] Tell her, I'm allergic, and I will sue! [Phoebe Buffay] No, there's no dog here? [Monica Geller] Yes there is! He's black and white and shaggy and he's sitting next to Rachel and licking Rachel's hand. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my god! Where are you? [Monica Geller] I'll be right there! [Phoebe Buffay] They're here already? How are they doing this? [Rachel Green] Hi Tag! What are you doing here? [Tag Jones] I, uh, wanted to see if your offer to spend Thanksgiving with you is still good. [Rachel Green] Well, sure! Come in! Well, what-what happened to your girlfriend? [Tag Jones] We kinda broke up this morning. [Rachel Green] Oh, I'm sorry. [Tag Jones] Yeah, so she went back to Ohio. [Ross Geller] Ohio!! Thank you! [Chandler Bing] Huh! Where is the dog?! [Ross Geller] What dog? There-there's no dog here. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah that dog left! [Monica Geller] Phoebe! Phoebe, open up! [Phoebe Buffay] There's no dog in here. [Chandler Bing] Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking! [Phoebe Buffay] No that's just me coughing! Oh, good, there you are! Listen, um, I have a dog in my room. [Chandler Bing] What is it doing here? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I'm watching it for some friends who went out of town. Wait. Hello, my name is Clunkers. May I please stay with you nice people? [Monica Geller] Oooh, I wish she could stay here, but Chandler is allergic! [Chandler Bing] Extremely allergic, okay? If I'm anywhere near a dog for more than 5 minutes, my throat will just close up! [Phoebe Buffay] That's odd, 'cause this dog's been living here for the past 3 days [Chandler Bing] Really? [Monica Geller] Chandler, if that dog's been here that long, and you haven't had a reaction, maybe you're not allergic to this dog? [Chandler Bing] Well, it still has to go, right? [Monica Geller] Why? [Chandler Bing] Okay, it's um... [Joey Tribbiani] Don't do it! [Monica Geller] Don't do what? [Chandler Bing] I have to! Okay? It's time! Okay, I hate dogs. [#ALL#] What? [Phoebe Buffay] Are you crazy? [Ross Geller] Are you out of your mind? [Phoebe Buffay] Why? [Joey Tribbiani] Told ya. [Chandler Bing] They are needy, they are jumpy, and you can't tell what they are thinking, and that scares me a little bit. [Ross Geller] Right, they are scary. Ahh, she just ate a treat out of my hand!!! [Rachel Green] Wait a minute. Do you not like all dogs? I mean, not even puppies? [Chandler Bing] Is there a puppy here? [Tag Jones] You don't like puppies? [Chandler Bing] Okay, you are new! [Joey Tribbiani] Look, Chandler, I told you, never tell anyone about this dog thing. It's like Ross not likin' ice cream. [Phoebe Buffay] You don't like ice cream? [Ross Geller] It's too cold. [Chandler Bing] Okay, it's just that dogs make me a little uncomfortable. [Ross Geller] It hurts my teeth. [Chandler Bing] And I don't wanna say this, I don't you guys to hate me, but uh, I don't think, I can be around that dog anymore. Okay, so either the dog goes, or I go. Oh my god!! [Ross Geller] How can I not get this? I'm a college professor; I got 1450 on my S.A.T.s. [Monica Geller] 1250. [Ross Geller] Damn, I forgot you were here. [Phoebe Buffay] All right. We're gonna take Clunkers to Ross's. We'll be back in a minute. [Rachel Green] Oh, wait before you guys go, can I just ask you a question? [Monica Geller] Yeah. [Rachel Green] When a guy breaks up with his girlfriend, what is an appropriate amount of time to wait before you make a move? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I'd say about a month. [Monica Geller] Really? I'd say 3 to 4. [Joey Tribbiani] Half hour. [Rachel Green] Interesting. [Monica Geller] When it's your assistant, I would say never. [Joey Tribbiani] All right, Rach, the big question is, does he like you? All right? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo-point. [Rachel Green] Huh. A moo-point? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, it's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo. [Rachel Green] Have I been living with him for too long, or did that all just make sense? [Monica Geller] Please, don't listen to Joey, okay. Would you look at him? He-he's obviously depressed. He's away from his family; he's spending Thanksgiving with strangers. What he needs right now is for you to be his friend. [Rachel Green] You're right, I'm sorry. Thank you. Okay, that's what I'm gonna do. [Joey Tribbiani] Fine! Take their advice. No one ever listens to me. When the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside. [Rachel Green] Hey! [Tag Jones] Hey. [Rachel Green] How are you holding up? [Tag Jones] Not bad. [Rachel Green] Yeah? I'm sorry about your girlfriend. [Tag Jones] Thanks. [Rachel Green] So were you guys together a long time? [Tag Jones] A year. On and off. I kinda thought we'd end up together. I don't anymore. [Rachel Green] Now that she broke up with you? [Tag Jones] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Yeah. Hmmmm. [Tag Jones] It's weird. I always used to assume, that I would meet someone and fall in love and be happy and all that was just a given. But lately it's like what if it's not. Do you ever have that feeling? [Rachel Green] No...Yeah, all the time, constantly. It's terrifying. But you know that I figure it...it has to work out. [Tag Jones] Why? [Rachel Green] Because, uh-it has to. [Tag Jones] You have all the answers, don't you? [Rachel Green] Yeah, I know, I do. I really do. [Tag Jones] Hey, thanks for talking to me. [Rachel Green] Well, what is a boss for? Hug it out! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, he likes you back! Huh? Told ya, you should go for it! [Tag Jones] What? [Joey Tribbiani] Street noise drowned any of that out? No, all right, I see you later, okay... --------------------------------------- [Tag Jones] What did Joey say? I like you back? [Rachel Green] Uh, yeah, well, see, he... Joey knows, that I'm-I'm very insecure about my back and, and...you're hugging me, so obviously you are not repulsed by it, yeah! [Tag Jones] Wait-wait a minute; that doesn't make any sense. [Rachel Green] No? All right, here's the truth um, Joey said what he said, because um, I'm attracted to you. [Tag Jones] Wow. [Rachel Green] Yeah, I admit it. I have a crush on you, and uh, and, and I know that's crazy because we work together, and-and nothing could ever happen, and the last thing I want to do is-is to freak you out or make you feel uncomfortable. Which is why it would be really great if you said something right about now. [Tag Jones] Oh my god! Those guys are stealing my car! [Rachel Green] What? [Tag Jones] Right there! That's my car! Hey!! [Rachel Green] Okay, that's gonna take them a minute. Do you have anything else you wanna get off your chest? [Tag Jones] I can't believe this! [Rachel Green] Wait, we still have time to talk and they're-they're not even in the car yet! Oh look, there they go, okay. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Okay Phoebe, we should probably go back now. [Phoebe Buffay] Please don't leave me, I'll be lonely. [Monica Geller] Stop it. Stop! Okay let's go. We can be strong. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, okay. [Monica Geller] Oh my god! Did you hear that? She said Monica! Oooh, I can't leave her! [Phoebe Buffay] You know if you want, we can sneak the dog back in and Chandler wouldn't even know. [Monica Geller] That's not gonna work. [Phoebe Buffay] I've had that dog there for three days and Chandler had no idea. He's not so smart. [Monica Geller] Hey! I didn't know either. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, but you kinda knew that something was going on, didn't you? [Monica Geller] Yeah, I knew. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Where's Chandler? [Chandler Bing] Here I am. [Phoebe Buffay] Wash your hands!!! [Chandler Bing] How did you...know? [Ross Geller] Hey! What's she doing back here? [Monica Geller] Relax, Ross. She's not made of ice cream! [Ross Geller] Hey look, Phoebe. I, uh, I laid out the states geographically... [Phoebe Buffay] No, no, we don't really have time for this right now. Okay, we have to keep Chandler away from my bedroom. [Ross Geller] Yeah, but, but look what I'm... [Phoebe Buffay] See, this is exactly what we do not have time for. [Chandler Bing] Where's Monica? [Ross Geller] Um, in Phoebe's room. You can't go in there. [Chandler Bing] Why not? [Ross Geller] Monica's crying. She's very upset about this whole Clunkers thing. [Chandler Bing] Well, I, I should go in there. [Ross Geller] No. No, no. She doesn't want to see you right now. [Chandler Bing] Why not? [Ross Geller] Because you sent away the dog! [Chandler Bing] This is ridiculous. [Ross Geller] Oh, is it? Is it? Look, when Monica and I were kids, we had a dog named Rover. And, uh, one day, my dad decides, he doesn't like dogs. So Monica and her friend...Phyllis...take away the dog. And that was the last time we ever saw him. Don't you see? This is just like that. Only with a few details changed. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, I'm in my sweat pants. Bring on the food! What's the matter? [Chandler Bing] Monica's all upset, because I sent Clunkers away. [Joey Tribbiani] So? Bring the dog back, you're a hero. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I can be a hero, I could do that. I could, I could do... I, w-w-what if, what if it attacks me? [Joey Tribbiani] Chandler, it's like a big gerbil. [Chandler Bing] And that doesn't scare you? [Joey Tribbiani] Ross, you need some help? [Ross Geller] From you? Yes, please! [Joey Tribbiani] First of all, Utah? Dude, you can't just make stuff up! [Ross Geller] I hate America! When I finish this game, I swear I am moving. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Tag's still talking to the police. [Rachel Green] Yeah, ohh! Why, damnit, why did I open my mouth? I have a crush on you; I am attracted to you. Gee, I-I know that I freaked him out [Joey Tribbiani] If you said it like that, you probably did, yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, is Chandler here? [Chandler Bing] No, no he went for a walk. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, but you cannot tell him... but look whose back! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh No-no-no-no-no-no-no! He went over to Ross' to bring the dog back here! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no, the dog's not going to be there! [Joey Tribbiani] You think? [Monica Geller] Hi, honey. [Chandler Bing] Please, please, please, don't be mad at me. [Monica Geller] What? Why, why would... [Phoebe Buffay] Shh, wait and see. Maybe we will, maybe we won't. [Chandler Bing] Okay, I went over to Ross' apartment to bring back Clunkers. Y'know, for you, and... I left the door open and she must have gotten out and I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof, which FYI Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed. I couldn't find him, and I am so, so, so, sorry. But I do know where we could all go ease the pain. [Phoebe Buffay] We have good news, look whose back! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Chandler Bing] Clunkers?! Oh my god! [Monica Geller] That's right, she came back all by herself. [Phoebe Buffay] It's a Thanksgiving miracle! [Chandler Bing] It is so good to see you! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, she came all the way back from Ross' building. Oh, the things she must have seen! And then she climbed up the fire escape and she tapped on the window with her teeny little paw and then we ran to let her in... I went to far, didn't I? When should I have stopped? [Ross Geller] Okay, maybe this is so hard, because there aren't 50 states. Let me tell you something, I have 49 states, and there are no more! I-I think, I should be able to eat something. [Chandler Bing] It's up to you. [Rachel Green] Oh, hi! How are you doing? [Tag Jones] I'm okay. I gotta go down to the police station and look at mug shots. [Rachel Green] Oh. [Tag Jones] Thanks for having me over, you guys. [Ross Geller] Tag? Y-You're going? Uh we didn't, uh we didn't get the chance to talk. Uh, so, where did you say you're from again? [Tag Jones] Colorado. [Ross Geller] Ah, what good are you. [Rachel Green] Look, um, I think we should talk about what happened on the terrace. [Tag Jones] Okay. [Rachel Green] Ah, I-I never should have said what I said. It-y'know what? It just doesn't matter how I feel. I mean we work together, so nothing could really ever happen between us, and what I would love is just to go to work on Monday, and-and never talk about this again, okay? Big day Monday lots to do. So, we're okay? [Tag Jones] Um, I'm not. [Rachel Green] Oh, god, I know it, that I freaked you out. [Tag Jones] No, you didn't. The only thing that freaked me out was you saying that nothing could ever happen between us. [Rachel Green] Really? [Tag Jones] Yeah, so, please don't fire me for doing this. [Rachel Green] Okay, well, that's one less thing we have to do on Monday. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Delaware! Delaware! [Chandler Bing] All right. [Ross Geller] I want my turkey now! [Chandler Bing] You got it. You got Nevada twice. [Ross Geller] I know. [Chandler Bing] Yeah.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e08", "title": "The One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With All The Candy [Ben Geller] I'm ready! [Ross Geller] You sure? [Ben Geller] Uh-huh! [Chandler Bing] Okay, let me just straighten out your helmet there. [Ben Geller] Thanks daddy. [Ross Geller] No-no, one daddy, two mommies. All right, it's all yours. [Chandler Bing] Okay. Okay. [Ross Geller] Yes! Yes! Yes!! [Phoebe Buffay] His first big kid's bike, this is so exciting! [Monica Geller] Oh yeah, I remember mine! Ohh, it was my sixth birthday, my dad took me to the park, I got it, and...it bent. [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] I never had a bike of my own. [Ross Geller] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, we didn't have a lot of money. But the girl across the street had the best bike! It was pink and it had rainbow colored tassels hanging off the handle grips, and-and-and a bell and this big, white wicker basket with those plastic daisies stuck on. [Chandler Bing] That sounds like my first bike. My dad gave me his old one. [Ross Geller] Ohh. [Monica Geller] Did the girl ever let you ride it? [Phoebe Buffay] No! But she gave me the box that it came in. It had a picture of the bike on the front. So I would sit on it and my step-dad would drag me around the backyard. [Ross Geller] That is so unfair! [Phoebe Buffay] Not really, I got to drag him around too! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey! What are you guys doing? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Monica Geller] Making holiday candy for the neighbors. [Chandler Bing] I'm sorry, who? [Monica Geller] I'm gonna hang this basket on the door and when the neighbors walk by they can all take a piece. [Chandler Bing] But we don't know the neighbors. [Joey Tribbiani] I do. There's uh, let's see, Guy With a Mustache, Smokes-A-Lot Lady, Some Kids I've Seen, and A Red-haired Guy Who Does Not Like To Be Called Rusty. [Monica Geller] See? This is exactly why I'm making this candy. We can learn their names and get to know our neighbors. [Chandler Bing] Wouldn't it be easier if we just moved? [Rachel Green] Gooood morning!! [Chandler Bing] Eh, somebody's in a good mood! [Rachel Green] Well, why shouldn't I be? I have great friends! I have a wonderful job! [Monica Geller] Where you can make out with your assistant. [Rachel Green] Come on, it's not a big deal! We stayed up all night coming up with a plan so that us dating will not be a problem. [Monica Geller] Oh yeah, what's the plan? [Rachel Green] We... We are not... ...going to let it... be a problem. [Monica Geller] Wow! It took you all night to come up with that plan?! [Rachel Green] Well y'know, we did other stuff too. [Monica Geller] Did you two... [Rachel Green] Oh Monica come on, y'know I don't sleep with guys on the first date! [Monica Geller] Matt Guire, Mark Lynn, Ben Wire... [Rachel Green] Anymore!! [Monica Geller] Okay. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi. Tag, I have a conference call today is that correct? [Tag Jones] Yes, at 4:00. [Rachel Green] Okay, thank you. That'll be all. Wait! Wait! Did you see that? That mail guy had no idea there was something going on between us. [Tag Jones] I'd better get back to my desk. [Rachel Green] Okay, you hard worker! I'll remember to put that in your evaluation. [Tag Jones] My what? [Rachel Green] Well, you've been here for two months now and your boss is required to hand in a performance evaluation. But y'know, there is one thing that I have yet to evaluate. [Tag Jones] Are you serious? [Rachel Green] No, I've just always wanted to do that. Can you help me clean this up? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] The basket is totally empty! My God, the neighbors ate all the candy! [Chandler Bing] Well, either that or uh... [Monica Geller] Joey!! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah? [Monica Geller] Did you eat all the neighbor candy?! [Joey Tribbiani] Uh well yeah, that was the plan, but by the time I got to it there was only a couple of pieces left! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, and they've been coming by all day. They love it! [Monica Geller] They love my candy? Oh man!!! I've gotta go make more!! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Mon, you might wanna make some more lasagna too, because something might've happened to a huge chunk of it. [Monica Geller] Ross! The neighbors ate all my candy!! [Ross Geller] Mine stole my newspaper! It's like a crime wave!! Pheebs, you uh, you got a second. [Phoebe Buffay] Sure! [Ross Geller] Yeah, ever since you uh, told me that story about that bike I-I couldn't stop thinking about it. I mean, everyone should have a-a first bike, so... [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God Ross!! [Ross Geller] You like it? [Phoebe Buffay] I love it!! [Ross Geller] Yeah? [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh!! Ohh!! And I love you! [Ross Geller] Ahh. [Phoebe Buffay] Not that way! But the bike brought you a lot closer! [Ross Geller] Ah! Well uh-uh, t-take it downstairs, y'know give it a test ride. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay! Oh my God! My first bike! Thank you for the best present I've ever gotten. [Ross Geller] You're welcome. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh and Chandler's about to cry. [Chandler Bing] Am not! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Who is that?! [Chandler Bing] Don't worry, I'm brave! I am brave! I...I am brave! No-no-no-no!! Can you tell me who is there please? [The Knocker] My name is Gary, I live upstairs. [Gary] Hi! [Monica Geller] Hi. Do you know what time it is? [Gary] It's candy time! My roommate says that they taste like little drops of heaven. [Monica Geller] Oh please! Did you hear that? Little drops of heaven. [Chandler Bing] 4:00 A.M. [Gary] So, can I get some candy? [Chandler Bing] I am sorry, but some of us have to get up early and go to work! He does not know that I am not some of us. [Monica Geller] Umm, listen I am sorry, but I'll put some out first thing in the morning. [Gary] Well okay, I'll swing by later. Do you live in this building? [Monica Geller] Um-hmm. [Gary] Mm! Seems like I would've remembered you! [Chandler Bing] Mm! Night Gar'! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] So did you read your evaluation yet? [Tag Jones] No! It was marked confidential I just sent it down to Human Resources. [Rachel Green] Okay please, you're kidding right?! I wrote that one as a joke for you! [Tag Jones] A joke they would appreciate? [Rachel Green] I'm thinkin' no. [Tag Jones] What did you say?! [Rachel Green] Umm, I said I thought you were a good kisser, and uh, and that I like your tiney-tiny touchie. [Tag Jones] No, not my touchie. [Rachel Green] Well, it gets worse. When asked if you take initiative I wrote, "Yes, he was able to unhook my bra with minimal supervision," and under Problems with Performance I wrote, "Dear God, I hope not," and then uh, then I drew a little smiley face, and then a small pornographic sketch. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Ross! That is so sweet of you to get Phoebe that bike! When I heard the story, I almost cried. [Joey Tribbiani] Almost cried huh? Hear that Chandler? Almost cried! [Chandler Bing] Hey, you cry every time somebody talks about Titanic! [Joey Tribbiani] Those two only had each other! [Ross Geller] Phoebe really likes the bike huh? [Monica Geller] Oh yeah! I saw her walkin' it down the street the other day. She had uh, these flowers in the basket. It was so cute. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I saw her this morning walkin' it by the park. [Ross Geller] Wait a minute, she was walking the bike? Both times? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Pheebs? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh hi! [Chandler Bing] Hey! So are you enjoying the bike? [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, uh-huh so much! [Ross Geller] Pheebs you uh...you do know how to ride a bike don't you? [Phoebe Buffay] Of course! [Monica Geller] Umm, can we see you ride it? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. See? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] See, this is why I told you never get involved with your assistant! And here is no such thing as keeping secrets when it comes to affairs. Did you hear that Chandler? No such thing! [Chandler Bing] What happened? I'm just eating candy. [Rachel Green] Maybe it's not as bad as I think. Y'know, maybe they didn't take it the way I meant it. [Chandler Bing] Absolutely! Y'know, because touchie can mean both ass and good worker. [Rachel Green] Ugh, I just gotta get the thing back! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Rach? [Rachel Green] Yeah? [Joey Tribbiani] That sketch you mentioned? Might it have looked a little something like this? [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Joey! [Chandler Bing] What is the matter with you? [Rachel Green] Ugh! [Joey Tribbiani] Boy I tell ya, this little talent came in handy before I could afford porn. [The Woman] Hi! I'm sorry, I know it's after hours but I really need candy. [Monica Geller] I'm sorry, I can't help you. See? Rules are rules. [The Woman] Please! I have people coming from out of town today! And, I told them all about your candy! [Monica Geller] No kidding, out of towners huh? What did you tell 'em? [The Woman] I told 'em your candy is absolutely indescribable! [Monica Geller] Some people have been saying its y'know little drops of heaven, but whatever. [The Woman] Please, can't you help me out? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Chandler, do we know that lady? [Chandler Bing] Maybe, isn't she the woman who lives below you and has sex really loud? [Monica Geller] All right, I'll do it just this once! But you can't tell anybody! [The Woman] Yes! Yes! Please, just give it to me! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, that's her. [The Woman] Thank you. [Monica Geller] It's unbelievable! I-I can't believe that sign didn't work! [Chandler Bing] Y'know what would work? [Monica Geller] Hmm? [Chandler Bing] Stop making candy! [Monica Geller] But they like it! [Chandler Bing] You mean they like you. [Monica Geller] Maybe. [Chandler Bing] Is that why you became a chef? So that people would like you? [Monica Geller] Oh, you really want to talk about getting people to like you huh, funny man? --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Okay, now just remember everything I taught you and you'll be fine. Okay? Here we go. Ready...Set... [Phoebe Buffay] Wait! This seat is really uncomfortable! Yeah, maybe before we start we should just get another one. Perhaps, like an airplane seat-or a beanbag chair! [Ross Geller] Phoebe, you can't get out of this! Okay? You have to learn how to ride a bike! [Phoebe Buffay] Why? Why do I have to learn? [Ross Geller] Well...In-in case of emergency. [Phoebe Buffay] What kind of an emergency? [Ross Geller] Well let there-what if a man comes along and puts a gun to your head and says, "You ride this bike or I'll sh...I'll shoot you." [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I would ring the bell to distract him and then I would knock the gun out of his hand with a Chinese throwing star. [Ross Geller] Okay, Phoebe just-just get-get on the bike and-Hey! I'll hold you up and-and push you. Okay? [Phoebe Buffay] You won't let go? [Ross Geller] No! [Phoebe Buffay] Swear?! [Ross Geller] I swear! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Ross Geller] Come on. All right, here we go. All right? [Phoebe Buffay] All right. [Ross Geller] All right. Feel good? [Phoebe Buffay] Well... [Ross Geller] All right, try pedaling. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Ross Geller] That's it, your doing great. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Ross Geller] Doing great! Yes-yes-yes! Take control! Yes! [Phoebe Buffay] Weee!!! [Ross Geller] Yes!! Yes!!! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Oh! Oh no!! You swore! [Ross Geller] I-I just thought you were doing so well. I... [Phoebe Buffay] I am shocked! Shocked!! [Ross Geller] It's a legitimate learning technique. Wow! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey, there's uh, some people outside, askin' about candy. [Monica Geller] Well, they're just gonna have to wait aren't they? I've only got two hands!! [Ross Geller] Need some help? [Monica Geller] No! You don't know the system! There'll be nobody messing with the system! [Ross Geller] By the way, the week before your wedding you may not see a lot of me. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, hello liar. [Ross Geller] Look, I-I'm really sorry I let go of the bike. [Phoebe Buffay] I could've been killed I hope you know! [Ross Geller] I know. I know. But, can we please try it again? Huh? I mean, you were so close Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I would love to but...the bike got stolen and the police have no suspects. [Ross Geller] Phoebe. [Phoebe Buffay] What?! What the hell?! [Ross Geller] All right, y'know what? If you are not going to learn how to ride this bike then I'm sorry, I'm just gonna have to take it back. [Phoebe Buffay] What?! Why?! [Ross Geller] Because! Because, it-it-it's... It'd be like you having this guitar and-and never playing it. Okay, this guitar wants to be played! And-and this bike wants to be ridden and-and if you don't ride it you-you're-you're killing its spirit! The bike is dying. [Phoebe Buffay] All right. If you care enough to make up that load of crap, okay. [Ross Geller] Great! Great! You're making the bike very happy. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay Ross! Please don't die! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Okay, I think we can get the evaluation back before they see it, but we're gonna have to get into Mr. Zelner's office. Now, he doesn't get in until 10, so he's no problem, but his assistant, Betty, she comes in early to eat her breakfast at her desk. [Tag Jones] That's kinda sad. [Rachel Green] Yeah, well Betty's kinda sad. Which is why I believe I can lure her away with these chocolates. Now, while I distract her, you get in the office. [Tag Jones] Got it! [Rachel Green] Let's roll! [Mr. Zelner] Hello Rachel, you uh, got a minute? [Rachel Green] Yeah, sure Mr. Zelner, for you anything-minute. Okay. Fine. Abort the plan, abort the plan. [Mr. Zelner] Uh actually, I'd like to speak with both of you. [Rachel Green] Okay. Uh, well can we, can we get you anything Mr. Zelner? Maybe some chocolates? [Mr. Zelner] Umm, no. Thanks, but I'll give these to Betty. So I read your evaluation of Tag, or to use his full name, Tag Sweetcheeks Jones. Is something going on with you two? [Rachel Green] Oh my God. Can you imagine if there was?! I mean, what would happen exactly. [Mr. Zelner] Well, I'd be forced to file a report. I'd have to consult with the legal department, and your future at the company would be in jeopardy. [Rachel Green] Well... [Tag Jones] Uh Mr. Zelner, I'm the one who filled in that evaluation. [Rachel Green] Oh no-no-no... [Tag Jones] Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, I thought it would be funny. [Mr. Zelner] You wrote that you have a cute touchie? [Tag Jones] Yes. I have a weird sense of humor, and I'm kinda strangely proud of my butt. [Mr. Zelner] It's kind of a risky joke Tag, and what is-what is this drawing I can't figure out what this is? [Rachel Green] You're lookin' at it upside down-y'know what? It doesn't matter. [Mr. Zelner] Yeah, it's not like I don't have a sense of humor, huh? Hell, I even enjoy a naughty limerick now and then. But there's a time and a place, huh?! Unless you uh, have a limerick right now? No? Okay, well uh, you've got my fax number. [Rachel Green] Whoa! I can't believe you did that. That was really sweet. [Tag Jones] No, don't worry about it. [Rachel Green] No, you could've lost your job. [Tag Jones] Are you kidding me?! With a cute butt like this, I'd find work. [Rachel Green] Thank you! You're great! [Tag Jones] Y'know what? [Rachel Green] What? [Tag Jones] I feel great. In fact! What? [Rachel Green] I... It just-it took me so long to get that desk organized. [Tag Jones] Oh, I'm sorry. [Rachel Green] There it is. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] What is going on? [The Man] We're waiting for the candy. Bring out the candy! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah lady! Give us candy!! [Chandler Bing] Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] What's up buddy? [Chandler Bing] What are you doing? [Joey Tribbiani] Waiting for candy. [Chandler Bing] Get in here! Hey, and you can not smoke in here! Merry Christmas. [Monica Geller] Okay, guys! The candy is coming; I just need another 15 minutes for the chocolate to cool! [#ALL#] We want candy! We want candy now! [Chandler Bing] All right everybody! Just be quiet! Be quiet! Be quiet!! Pipe-pipe-pipe down! What is the matter with you people?! This woman was trying to do a nice thing for you. She was making candy so she could try to get to know all of you, and I'll bet that not one of you can tell me her name! Am I right? [The Man] Candy Lady? [Chandler Bing] No not Candy Lady. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, if we know it can we have candy?!! [Chandler Bing] All right, y'know what? Forget it, all of you forget it! You've ruined it! Go home! You've ruined it! You've ruined it! [Joey Tribbiani] That's right, it's all ruined! You guys ruined everything! You ruined it! [Monica Geller] Thank you. [Chandler Bing] You're welcome. [Monica Geller] Did you smoke? [Chandler Bing] No! Smokes-A-Lot Lady blew smoke directly into my mouth. Eh-uh-are you okay? [Monica Geller] I'm fine now, but it was really scary there for a while. I mean, someone slipped a-a threatening note under the door. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah, sorry about that. Mob mentality or whatever, I don't know... --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] I can't believe it! I did it! I rode a bike! I never thought I'd be able to do that! Thank you Ross. [Ross Geller] Oh hey, don't thank me, thank yourself. You're the one who faced her fears and ultimately overcame them. [Phoebe Buffay] Don't be so corny Ross, it's not an after-school special.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e09", "title": "The One With All The Candy"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With the Holiday Armadillo [Chandler Bing] Buh-bye. I just got us reservations at Michelle's and tickets to the Musicman to celebrate our first holiday season as a betroughed couple. [Monica Geller] Betrothed... [Chandler Bing] ...betrothed couple. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Haaaa... ... ahhhh! [Chandler Bing] Pheebs? [Phoebe Buffay] Huh? [Chandler Bing] Skull? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, yeah, it's my mom's. [Rachel Green] Oh my god!! [Phoebe Buffay] No, no, no. It's not! It's not my mom. It belonged to mom. Yeah, no, she used to put it out every Christmas to remind us, that even though it's Christmas, people still die. And, you can put candy in it. [Ross Geller] Hey! [#ALL#] Hey! [Monica Geller] Licorice? [Ross Geller] Sure! Hey, I just found out, I get Ben for the holidays this year. [#ALL#] Ohh! That's great! [Monica Geller] Are you gonna dress up as Santa? [Ross Geller] Nope. I mean, I know Susan does every year, but I think I wanna take this year to teach him all about Hanukkah. [Phoebe Buffay] And maybe I could teach Ben about the Christmas skull and how people die. [Rachel Green] You may need to use this year to teach Ben about Phoebe. [Ross Geller] Hmm. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Rachel Green] Did you know he was in there? [Monica Geller] No. [Chandler Bing] How long have we been home? [Monica Geller] About a half an hour. [Chandler Bing] Lovely! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey, you know what I was thinking? When we get married, are you gonna change your last name to Bing? [Monica Geller] No. [Chandler Bing] Why not? [Monica Geller] Bing's weird. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, hey, you guys! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. Guess what! My landlord just called and my apartment is gonna get ready soon, so I guess I'll be moving out. [Monica Geller] Ahh, Phoebe, I'm gonna miss you! [Phoebe Buffay] Yes, you will be very sad. All right, well I gotta go tell Rachel the good news. [Chandler Bing] Ohh! You guys gonna be living together again? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, why not? [Chandler Bing] Well, she's just so much fun with Joey, I just assumed, she'd still be living with him. [Phoebe Buffay] Why do you think, she's having so much fun living with Joey? [Chandler Bing] No reason, except...she...told...me. [Phoebe Buffay] Really? So she said, she didn't wanna live with me anymore? [Chandler Bing] No! No, she didn't say that. I-I-I think you should talk to Monica now. [Monica Geller] Phoebe, don't worry about it. I'm sure she wants to live with you. [Phoebe Buffay] You're sure? You're absolutely sure? [Monica Geller] Well, no. But, um, I bet she probably does. [Phoebe Buffay] Probably? Yeah, I don't like that word. Kind of what 'probably' really means. Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, oh, "Your mom probably won't kill herself," y'know? I'm sorry, but I'm not hanging all my hopes of Rachel and I living together on-on "Probably!" Y'know? You gotta take care of yourselves! In this world history teaches us nothing! [Chandler Bing] Bing doesn't seem so weird now, does it? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Great, you're home! Guess what Phoebe got me for Christmas! [Rachel Green] Drums? [Joey Tribbiani] No! Drums! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hi, could we get two burritos to go, please? [Monica Geller] I'm sorry. But not that sorry, 'cause you don't have to live with it. Um, we have a reservation under the name Chandler Bing. [Maitre D'] Oh-kay, we'll have a table for you in about 45 minutes. [Chandler Bing] Forty-five minutes? We have tickets to the Musicman at 8:00. [Maitre D'] I'm sorry. Christmas is a very busy time, sir. [Chandler Bing] Is this because of the burrito thing? [Monica Geller] You need to give him money. [Chandler Bing] Give him money? It was a joke! [Monica Geller] No, to get a table! Places like are always shakin' you down. Everybody wants to be paid off. [Chandler Bing] Right, calm down, O'Mally. I'll slip him some money. [Monica Geller] You've got to be smooth about it. [Chandler Bing] Hey, I can be smooth. Listen, we're a little bit in a hurry, so, if you can get us a table a little quicker, I'd appreciate it. [Maitre D'] Of course, sir. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] How did it go? [Chandler Bing] Had the money in the wrong hand. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Wooooooo, hehehe. Hey, ahh, you don't feel like you're gonna throw up, do ya? [Ben Geller] No. [Ross Geller] Well, I do, so let's... So, Ben, you uh, you know what holiday is coming up, don't ya? [Ben Geller] Christmas. [Ross Geller] Yep, and you know what other holiday is coming up? [Ben Geller] Christmas eve. [Ross Geller] Yes, but also Hanukkah! See, you're part Jewish, and-and Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday. [Ben Geller] Santa has reindeers that can fly! [Ross Geller] Right, um, but, on Hanukkah, Hanukkah is a celebration of a miracle. See, years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees. [Ben Geller] Jingle bells, jingle bells... [Ross Geller] Okay, that's right, yes, but on Hanukkah, uh, we sing, uh Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made you out of clay. [Ben Geller] Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer... [Ross Geller] Okay, it's not a contest. [Ben Geller] When is Santa coming? [Ross Geller] Well, how about this year, instead of Santa, we have fun celebrating Hanukkah? [Ben Geller] No Santa? Was I bad? [Ross Geller] No! Oh, no-no-no. Hey, you weren't bad, you've been very good, Ben. [Ben Geller] Santa's mad at me. [Ross Geller] No, hey-hey, come on, Ben, Santa is not mad at you, okay? Hey, you're-you're his favorite little guy! [Ben Geller] So Santa's coming? [Ross Geller] Yes! Santa's coming! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] It's easy! Just keep it casual! Give him a kind word, shake his hand and give him the money! [Chandler Bing] How do you know so much about this? [Monica Geller] I don't know. [Chandler Bing] Richard used to do it, didn't he? [Monica Geller] We'd be eating our soup right now. [Chandler Bing] Mustached bastard... [Monica Geller] Okay, those people just left, come on! Quick! Give him the money and get their table! [Chandler Bing] Excuse me... [Male Guest] Good evening. [Chandler Bing] Ahh-hahaha! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ha! [Phoebe Buffay] So you like the drums! That's, that's great! Y'know, I was worried, that, you know, they would maybe an unbearable living situation. All right, okay, well, apparently not! So, yay! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey, Pheebs, check it out, we already learned a song. Ready? One, two, three, four... [Joey Tribbiani] Tequila!! [Phoebe Buffay] That's fun. --------------------------------------- [Gunther] Here you go. [Chandler Bing] Thank you Gunther, put it there. Definitely not easier with coins. Thank you. [Joey Tribbiani] Thank you. Hey Pheebs! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Here. Now I only owe you $49.50. [Chandler Bing] Hey Pheebs! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Chandler Bing] If you wanna give Joey a Christmas present that disrupts the entire building, why not get him something a little bit more subtle, like a wrecking ball, or a vile of small pox to release in the hallway? [Monica Geller] It's not just the drum noise. Every five minutes, Joey throws his sticks in the air, and I have to hear, "Oh my eye! Oh god, my eye!" I mean, it is so annoying. [Phoebe Buffay] Yes, thank you. You see, this is how normal people are supposed to react to drums. [Monica Geller] Phoebe, you got Joey drums to annoy Rachel, so she wouldn't wanna live there anymore? [Phoebe Buffay] Maybe on some level. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Joey, y'know that you could just not throw the sticks up in the air. [Joey Tribbiani] What is Rock 'n' Roll about that? [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, Joey, I got you another present. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh wait, before you tell me what it is! Okay, what is it? [Phoebe Buffay] It's a...tarantula! Oh! God! Rachel, look, I'm sorry. What was I thinking giving Joey this big, gross, scary spider in such a poorly constructed cage? [Rachel Green] What are you talking about? I love them! Yeah, I had a tarantula when I was a kid. But it-it died, because my cat ate it. And then, then my cat died. But Joey, isn't this cool? [Joey Tribbiani] Is it on me? I feel, I feel like it's on me! I got, hey! [Rachel Green] Oh, isn't that adorable? Joey is afraid of the tarantula. [Phoebe Buffay] Ah, yeah, he's so adorable, God, he's just so much fun, Joey is the best, I'm glad you're having so much fun here. [Rachel Green] What? Wait-wait a minute, what? Phoebe, what's the matter? [Phoebe Buffay] Our apartment is ready. [Rachel Green] And that makes you angry because... [Phoebe Buffay] Because you would rather live here with Joey. [Rachel Green] Where did you get that? [Phoebe Buffay] Monica and Chandler said that you were having so much fun here. And apparently no amount of drums or tarantulas is gonna change that. [Rachel Green] Phoebe? [Phoebe Buffay] Hm? [Rachel Green] Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try and drive me out of the apartment? Honey, if you wanted to do that, you might as well just gotten him a fish, you know how fish freaked me out! [Phoebe Buffay] Fish! [Rachel Green] It wouldn't have mattered anyway, Phoebe, you and I are, are gonna live together, we're roommates; that's the deal. [Phoebe Buffay] Yes, but I wanted you to want to live with me, but okay, if you're having so much fun over here... [Rachel Green] Oh, it's so much more fun with you. [Phoebe Buffay] We did have fun, didn't we? [Rachel Green] We did! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, anyway, they say, if we want, we can see it tonight. [Rachel Green] Oh, I would love to! [Phoebe Buffay] Yay, okay! [Rachel Green] Good, good, good, good, good. [Phoebe Buffay] Great, all right, okay, and Monica ask me to make the drumming stop. [Rachel Green] Um... Done! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! [Salesman] Hello, Sir. You're here to return those pants? [Ross Geller] No, these are my pants. [Salesman] Oh. Okay! How can I help you? [Ross Geller] Well, uh, do you have a Santa-outfit left? [Salesman] Two days before Christmas? Sorry, man. [Ross Geller] Okay look, do-do, you have anything Christmassy? I promised my son, and I really don't want to disappoint him, um, come on, I...uh, you gotta have something. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] I'm the holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you a Merry Christmas! [Monica Geller] What happened to Santa, Holiday Armadillo? [Ross Geller] Santa was unavailable so close to Christmas. [Monica Geller] Wow, come in, have a seat. You must be exhausted coming all the way from...Texas. [Ben Geller] Texas? [Ross Geller] That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico! But, Santa sent me here to give you these presents, Ben. Maybe the Lady will help me with these presents. [Ben Geller] Wow! Thanks! [Ross Geller] You're welcome, Ben. Merry Christmas, ooh, and Happy Hanukkah! [Ben Geller] Are you for Hanukkah, too? Because I'm part-Jewish. [Ross Geller] You are? Me, too! [Monica Geller] Because Armadillos also wandered in the desert? [Ross Geller] You wanna wander in the hall? Ooh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the festival of lights? [Ben Geller] Cool! [Ross Geller] Yeah! [Monica Geller] Come on Ben. [Ross Geller] Years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees... [Chandler Bing] Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! [Ben Geller] Santa! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Ross Geller] What are you doing here, Santa? [Chandler Bing] Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird...turtle-man? [Ross Geller] I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember? [Chandler Bing] What? [Ben Geller] Did you bring me any presents, Santa? [Chandler Bing] You bet I did, Ben, put it there! Well, it would have worked this time, if his hands weren't so damn small! Ho, ho, ho! [Monica Geller] Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo, and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence, I never thought I'd say. [Ross Geller] What are you doing? [Chandler Bing] You called everyone and said you were having trouble finding a Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy at work! [Ross Geller] Thank you, but, but you gotta leave. [Chandler Bing] Why? [Ross Geller] Because, I'm finally getting him excited about Hanukkah, and, and you're-you're wrecking it. [Chandler Bing] But I didn't get to shape my belly like a bowl full of jelly. [Ross Geller] I'm sorry, Chandler but this, this is really important to me. [Chandler Bing] Fine, I'll give the suit back. [Monica Geller] Hey, you think, you can keep it another night? [Chandler Bing] Santa? Really? [Monica Geller] Yes, is that okay? [Chandler Bing] Did your Dad ever dress up like Santa? [Monica Geller] No. [Chandler Bing] Then it's okay! [Ross Geller] Okay Ben, Santa has to go. Say good-bye! [Ben Geller] No! Why does he have to go? [Chandler Bing] Because, if Santa and the Holiday...Armadillo? ...are ever in the same room for too long the universe will implode. Merry Christmas! [Ben Geller] No! Why can't the Armadillo leave? I want Santa! [Ross Geller] Fine, I-I give up. Santa, Santa can stay. [Chandler Bing] Well, I'll stay, but only because I wanna hear about Hanukkah. Ben, will you sit here with Santa and learn about Hanukkah? [Ben Geller] Okay, Santa! [Ross Geller] All right, it's time for the story of Hanukkah. Years and years ago, there were these people called the Maccabees. [Joey Tribbiani] Merry Christmas! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh wow! Look at this place! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, this is terrible. Oh, they've made so many changes I can't even feel my grandmother's presence anymore-Ooh! New sconces! [Rachel Green] Oh my God! [Phoebe Buffay] What? [Rachel Green] Okay, remember uh, remember how you told me that your grandmother put up that wall to make that into two bedrooms? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? [Rachel Green] And remember how you always said you were afraid the landlord would find out and then tear it down? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? [Rachel Green] Do you really not know where I'm going with this? It left! It's one huge room! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no! Oh! Wow!!! [Rachel Green] See? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I guess we'll just have to put the wall back up. [Rachel Green] You can't, because of the new skylight! [Phoebe Buffay] There's a skylight?! Wow!! [Rachel Green] So what should we do? Should we start looking for a new place? [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know I'm-I'm sensing that um, my grandmother would not be comfortable with that. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah? Startin' to feel her again there are we? [Phoebe Buffay] A little bit, yeah. [Rachel Green] Pheebs is your grandmother maybe saying that you should live here alone? [Phoebe Buffay] You heard her too?! You have the gift! [Rachel Green] Phoebe, it's okay. I like living with Joey. [Phoebe Buffay] Are you sure? [Rachel Green] Oh please, I hate packing, it's closer to work, and we do have fun. Although, I'm really gonna miss living with you. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh me too. [Rachel Green] I know. Oh-oh, wait did you hear that-hear that? Listen, I'm gettin' something from your grandmother, she said that since you get to keep the one bedroom apartment you should give Rachel the purple chair? [Phoebe Buffay] No, I do not hear that. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] ...and the miracle was that that little bit of oil that should've just lasted just one day, burned for... [Ben Geller] Eight whole days. [Ross Geller] That's right, and that's why we celebrate Hanukkah today. The end. [Ben Geller] Awesome! [Ross Geller] Yeah? [Chandler Bing] My favorite part was when Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt. [Ross Geller] The Armadillo was actually not so thrilled about that part! Okay Ben, it's time to light the Hanukkah candles! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. [Rachel Green] Wow! It looks like the Easter Bunny's funeral in here. [Ross Geller] Come on, come on, we're-we're-we're lighting the candles! [Rachel Green] Oh. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I understand why Superman is here, but why is there a porcupine at the Easter Bunny's funeral? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] I got it! [Joey Tribbiani] Is it back in the cage? [Rachel Green] Its back in cage! [Joey Tribbiani] Cage closed? [Rachel Green] Joey, would you just come out here and stop being such a baby!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e10", "title": "The One With the Holiday Armadillo"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With All The Cheesecakes [Chandler Bing] Ohh. Mmm. [Rachel Green] Hi. [Chandler Bing] Hey, you have got to try this cheesecake. [Rachel Green] Oh, y'know I'm not that much of a sweet tooth. I--Wow. My God, so creamy. Oh my God, this is the best cheesecake I have ever had. Where did you get this? [Chandler Bing] It was at the front door. When I got home. Somebody sent it to us. [Rachel Green] Chandler, this is not addressed to you. This is addressed to Mrs. Braverman downstairs. Thief. [Chandler Bing] I-no! I didn't read the box before I opened it. And you can't return a box after you've opened the box. [Rachel Green] Why, why not? [Chandler Bing] Because it's too delicious. [Rachel Green] Chandler, you stole this cheesecake. That is wrong. [Chandler Bing] No-no-no! It is going to be okay, because Mrs. Braverman is gonna send away for a free one and that way we all win! The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate, Momma's Little Bakery. I feel terrible, I'm a horrible, horrible, horrible person. [Rachel Green] Oh, I'm sorry what? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] All right, I should get going, big day a work. Y'know I'm in a coma? Today, they do this test on me and it turns out I'm not brain dead. [Chandler Bing] So... [Joey Tribbiani] Ah-ah-ah Mr. Smartie Pants, it's just not my character that's not brain dead. Hey, so Pheebs, we still on for tonight? [Phoebe Buffay] Absolutely! [Joey Tribbiani] I'll see you at 8:00. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Chandler Bing] Oh, what's at 8:00? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I have dinner plans with Joey. We get together about once a month to discuss the rest of you guys. [Ross Geller] Wow, did not know that! May I say how lovely you look today? [Phoebe Buffay] Duly noted. [Ross Geller] Thanks. Oh! So for tomorrow, do you want to rent a car and drive down together or what? [Monica Geller] What are you talking about? [Ross Geller] Cousin Frannie's wedding, its tomorrow night. [Monica Geller] You were invited?! [Ross Geller] No. [Monica Geller] My God, I can't believe this! I mean I knew that mom and dad were invited, but I thought that was it! I mean from the ages 7 to 9 Frannie and I were inseparable! [Chandler Bing] Well, maybe since the age of 9, Frannie's made some new friends. [Ross Geller] Well l-look okay, it's probably just a mistake. Let me call Aunt Sheryl okay? Maybe you are invited and the invitation just got lost in the mail. [Monica Geller] Yeah, well you call her and tell her that y'know when we were kids her precious little Frannie tried to undress me several times, okay? And if I hadn't have stopped her, there probably wouldn't even be a wedding to go too. [Ross Geller] Y'know, she tried to undress me too. [Chandler Bing] I used to undress my cousin Glenn. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Joseph Francis Tribbiani are you home yet?!! [Rachel Green] Umm, I think he's still out. What's wrong? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I'll tell you Rachel Karen Green, I had plans with Joey tonight and he left me this note. [Rachel Green] "Pheebs, can't make it, got a date. Talk to you later. Big Daddy." Big Daddy? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh that's a nickname we were trying out. [Ross Geller] Hey, y'know what nickname never caught on? The Ross-A-Tron! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Here's Joseph Francis! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh-Wha-Ho! What are you middle naming me for?! I left you a note! [Phoebe Buffay] So what?! That doesn't give you the right to ditch me! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, you can cancel plans with friends if there is the possibility for sex! [Ross Geller] Phoebe he's right, that is the rule. [Phoebe Buffay] I don't accept this rule. When me make plans, I expect you to show up. Okay, I can't just be a way to kill time 'til you meet someone better! Y'know boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, but this is for life! [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! I'm so sorry; I had no idea it would bother you this much. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, it does. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, can I-can I make it up to you? Huh? I'm sorry. How about uh, dinner tomorrow night?! I'll pay for myself! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, you wore me down. [Ross Geller] Hey Joe, while you're over there how about another beer for the Ross-A-Tron? [Joey Tribbiani] The Ross-Is that back?!! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi! [Chandler Bing] Another cheesecake came! They delivered it to the wrong address again! [Rachel Green] So just bring it back downstairs, what's the problem? [Chandler Bing] I can't seem to say goodbye. [Rachel Green] Are you serious?! Chandler, we ate an entire cheesecake two days ago and you want more? [Chandler Bing] Well I've forgotten what it tastes like okay?! [Rachel Green] It was cheesecake. It was fine. It had a buttery, crumbly, graham cracker crust, with a very rich yet light, cream cheese filling... Wow! My whole mouth just filled with saliva! [Chandler Bing] Y'know what? Forget it! We are just hungry! We have not had lunch! We are just light-headed! So let us go out and have lunch and forget about the cheesecake. [Rachel Green] Yeah and we'll drop it off downstairs so that we're not tempted. [Chandler Bing] Good idea. Where do you want to go to lunch? [Rachel Green] Momma's Little Bakery, Chicago, Illinois. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Awww! Mel Torme died. [Monica Geller] Joey, that paper's like a year old! [Joey Tribbiani] Aw! Does that mean the Sam Goody's sale is over?! [Ross Geller] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Monica Geller] Hey. [Ross Geller] So I finally heard back from Aunt Sheryl and apparently it wasn't a mistake. Ahh, there's-there's limited seating in the hall. [Monica Geller] Limited seating?! I am just one tiny person! [Ross Geller] Well yeah, but she doesn't know that. I mean, the last time she saw you-you would've turned one of those little wedding chairs into kindling. [Monica Geller] Limited seating! Oh, that is such a lame excuse! That's not the reason she's not inviting me! [Ross Geller] Oh what's the big deal?! I wasn't even invited to the ceremony, just the reception. And-and y'know what? If it makes you feel any better, Joan and I will just make an appearance and then, and then we'll-we'll leave early as a sign of protest. [Monica Geller] Joan? [Ross Geller] Yeah, Joan Tedeski my date. She's an assistant professor in the Linguistics department. Tall, very beautiful, and despite what some people say, not broad backed! [Monica Geller] Wait a minute, you got Ross Gellar and guest?! I wasn't invited and you got "and guest?!" [Joey Tribbiani] Uh-uh, excuse me, I do have to interrupt on Ross's behalf. I-I think the rule applies here y'know, since she has a chance to get on broad back... [Ross Geller] Not broad backed! [Monica Geller] Wait a minute, y'know, you're bringing me! [Ross Geller] What? I can't cancel on Joan! [Monica Geller] Why not?! [Ross Geller] Bec-Did you not hear me?! She's an assistant professor in the Linguistics department, okay? They're wild! Why do you want to come anyway? [Monica Geller] Because! She's my cousin. I mean, we grew up together! We're family y'know? Well that's important to me. [Ross Geller] Okay, all right, I'll take you. I'll go call Joan. [Joey Tribbiani] Aww that's nice. Family should be there, huh? This is her wedding, happiest day of her life. [Monica Geller] We'll see. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Well, thank you for lunch. [Rachel Green] What? Wait a minute, I didn't pay, I thought you paid! [Chandler Bing] So apparently we just don't pay for food anymore. Do you see what I see? [Rachel Green] Its still there! [Chandler Bing] Mrs. Braverman must be out. [Rachel Green] She could be out of town. Maybe she'll be gone for months. [Chandler Bing] By then, the cheesecake may have gone bad. We don't want her to come back to bad cheesecake. [Rachel Green] No that could kill her. [Chandler Bing] Well, we don't want that. [Rachel Green] No so we're protecting her. [Chandler Bing] But we should take it. [Rachel Green] But we should move quick. [Chandler Bing] Why? [Rachel Green] Because I think I just heard her moving around in there. [Chandler Bing] Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! That's David! [Monica Geller] David who? [Phoebe Buffay] David the scientist guy, David that I was in love with, David who went to Russia and broke my heart David! [David] Oh my God! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, you say someone's name enough, they turn around. [David] Phoebe? [Phoebe Buffay] David! What-what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in Russia? [David] Yeah, I'm just, I'm just in town for a conference. Umm, God you look phenomenal! [Phoebe Buffay] Well... Yeah. You look great too. Did you get a haircut? [David] Yeah. Well I-I got like thirty of them. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. [David] Umm, look I-I-I got a confession to make... [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh. [David] Uh, I-I-I was hoping to run into you here. I didn't know whether I should call or not, y'know I-I was only in town for a few days. And y'know, I didn't want to intrude on your life or-or anything like that, but I-I really wanted to see you and-but I didn't know if you wanted to see me. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, of course I would want to see you. I...I think about you all the time. [David] Really? Because I think about you all the time. [Phoebe Buffay] Really? [David] I mean, there's a statue in Minsk... [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh. [David] That reminds me of you so much, I mean umm, it-it's actually of Lenin. But, y'know at certain angles... [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. [David] Umm, anyway...Do you want to have dinner tonight? [Phoebe Buffay] Yes! Oh no! [David] Oh. Uh, what? [Phoebe Buffay] I can't. I can't believe I have plans, I can't. Can you do it tomorrow night though? [David] Uh no, I have to go in a few hours. I have to be on the red-eye. Well listen, y'know, next time you're in Minsk umm... [Monica Geller] Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second? [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh. [Monica Geller] What are you doing? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I have plans with Joey tonight. [Monica Geller] So! He'll understand! [Phoebe Buffay] No he won't. And that's not even the point! Monica, I made a whole speech about you do not cancel plans with friends! And now y'know what? Just because, potentially, the love of my life comes back from Russia just for one night, I-I should change my beliefs?! I should change beliefs! No! No! No, if I don't have my principles, I don't have anything! [Monica Geller] God, you are so strong. [Phoebe Buffay] Or! I should rush through dinner with Joey and I can meet David at 9:00! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh my God! That is so good! [Chandler Bing] I'm full, and yet I know if I stop eating this, I'll regret it. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] What do you got there? [Rachel Green] Oh it's umm, it's tofu cake. Do you want some? [Chandler Bing] What are you doing tonight? [Joey Tribbiani] Huh? Uh... [Chandler Bing] Dude! Dude! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh! Sorry. Uh, I've got those plans with Phoebe, why? [Chandler Bing] Oh really? Uh, Monica said she had a date at 9:00. [Joey Tribbiani] What?! Tonight?! [Chandler Bing] That's what Monica said. [Joey Tribbiani] After she gave me that big speech?! She goes and makes a date with a guy on the same night she has plans with me? I think she's trying to pull a fast one on Big Daddy! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Oh here, I think this is us. Yeah. [Monica Geller] Limited seating my ass. Let's see who made the cut. Hi! [The Wedding Guest] Hi! [Monica Geller] I'm Monica Gellar. Who do you know the bride and groom? [The Wedding Guest] Oh, I used to work with Frannie. [Monica Geller] Used to work with her. Used to! I'm a relative and I didn't get invited! A blood relative! Blood!! [Ross Geller] Stop saying, "Blood" to strangers. [Monica Geller] So, how about you huh? How do you know the happy couple? [The Second Guest] We went to college with both of them and now we live next door. [Monica Geller] Okay, you're fine. --------------------------------------- [The Waiter] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [The Waiter] Are you guys ready? [Phoebe Buffay] Yes! I will have the green salad, umm the house salad, and water's fine. [The Waiter] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [The Waiter] And for you sir? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, this slow roasted salmon, just how slow are we talkin' here? [The Waiter] It's uh, it's already been roasted. [Joey Tribbiani] Ohh, then no. Maybe I should hear those specials again. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh Joey, we've heard the specials three times! Okay? There's prime rib, mahi mahi, and a very special lobster ravioli. [The Waiter] Actually we're out of the lobster ravioli. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh well, that changes everything! Y'know what Pheebs? [Phoebe Buffay] Huh? [Joey Tribbiani] You were right before. I mean, friends are so important. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I'm very wise. I know. [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know-y'know what I really want? [Phoebe Buffay] What? [Joey Tribbiani] Is to have a long, long talk. Y'know? Get Joey out on the open road and really open him up. [The Waiter] Any progress? [Joey Tribbiani] Yes! I will have the lobster ravioli. [Phoebe Buffay] God Joey, this is taking forever! [Joey Tribbiani] What's the rush? What? [Phoebe Buffay] W-w-I just-it's that-I have-y'know I have-I have an appointment. And it's very important. [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa-whoa, what is it? [Phoebe Buffay] Well... It's a date. [Joey Tribbiani] A date?! No, no Pheebs you-you must be mistaken, because I know you wouldn't schedule a date on the same night you have plans with a friend! [Phoebe Buffay] Come on Joey, don't make me feel badly about this. [Joey Tribbiani] No, I'm gonna!! That's right! Yeah, you made me feel really guilty about goin' out with that girl! Like-like-like I did something terrible to you! And now Pheebs, you're doing the same thing! [Phoebe Buffay] That-It's not the same thing! This is totally different! This is with David! Remember David, the scientist guy? Okay, he's very special to me. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, well my girl from the other night was special. She was a scientist too! [Phoebe Buffay] She was? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, she graduated from high school! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, whatever. Y'know what? I don't have time have time to convince you because he's only here for four hours, and I'm gonna go see him! [Joey Tribbiani] Fine! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! [Joey Tribbiani] Fine! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! [Joey Tribbiani] What are you still doin' here?! I told you, lobster ravioli! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [David] Hey! Oh, I was just about to leave. I-I-I-I didn't think you were coming. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I wouldn't miss this. [David] Well, I'm very glad you're here. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, you're such a gentleman. Come on! We're going to my place! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Are you eating the cheesecake without me?! [Rachel Green] Mm-mmm. [Chandler Bing] I will give you a hundred dollars to whistle right now. How can you eat the cheesecake without me?! [Rachel Green] Oh, what are you going to do?! Are you gonna go run tell Monica?! Are you gonna tell Joey?! No! Because then you will have to tell them what we did! We are desert stealers! We are living outside the law! [Chandler Bing] Y'know what? I don't trust you with this cake anymore! And I got it first, and I'm takin' it back! [Rachel Green] What?! What?! [Chandler Bing] Oh yes! [Rachel Green] Wait a minute! [Chandler Bing] Oh yes! [Rachel Green] Oh no-no-no-no-no, no you don't! [Chandler Bing] Oh yes! Oh yes! [Rachel Green] You think I trust you with it?! No! We're gonna split it! You take half and I take half! [Chandler Bing] Well that's not fair, you've already had some! [Rachel Green] What? Oh, well then y'know what? I think Monica would be very interested to know that you called her cheesecake dry and mealy. [Chandler Bing] What do we use to split it? [Rachel Green] Okay! All right, pick a half. [Chandler Bing] Okay well, this side looks bigger. Uh... There's more crust on this side. Y'know? So, maybe if I measured... [Rachel Green] Oh for God sake just pick a piece! [Chandler Bing] All right, I'll pick that one. [Rachel Green] That's also the smaller piece. Okay, there you go. Enjoy your half my friend, but that is it. No sharing. No switching, and don't come crying to me if you eat your piece to fast. Oh!!!! [Chandler Bing] Ohhh! [Rachel Green] Okay, you gotta give me some of your piece. [Chandler Bing] Oh-ho-ho-ho-no! No! No switching! No sharing, and don't come crying to me! Ha-ha-ha! I may just sit here and have my cake all day! Just sit here in the hallway and eat my... --------------------------------------- [The Woman] Ross, sweetheart! [Ross Geller] Oh, hey Aunt Millie. [Aunt Millie] Isn't it a beautiful wedding?! [Ross Geller] Yes, yes it is. It's uh... Every time on the lips! Why?! Why on lips?! [Monica Geller] Here's Frannie. Hmm, won't she be happy to see me? [Ross Geller] Now wait a minute, you be nice! All right? I didn't bring you here so you can ambush her. [Monica Geller] Frannie was the one who found your Playboys and showed them to mom. [Ross Geller] That bitch! [Franny] Monica! What... [Monica Geller] Am I doing here? Why? Surprised to see me? Ross brought me. How do you like that?! [Ross Geller] Hi Frannie, congratulations. [Monica Geller] You invite my brother, you invite my whole family, and not me?! Why?! What-Why wouldn't you want me at your wedding? What could I have possibly done?! Stuart! [Franny] I believe you know my husband. [Ross Geller] So it's really a question of who could you have possibly done. --------------------------------------- [David] Oh, I hate this but I-I-I have to go. I-I can't miss my flight. [Phoebe Buffay] Are you sure? I'll bet there's another flight to Minsk in like... [David] July. Umm, [Phoebe Buffay] That's really beautiful. What does it mean? [David] Please, clean my beakers. I don't get out of the lab much. [Phoebe Buffay] That's good. I got to admit, I thought it was something else. [David] Yeah, I... Well I really actually wanted to say umm, that, but um, I figured I probably shouldn't because y'know, I...have to leave. [Phoebe Buffay] You're right! You're right. Don't say it. [David] I-I do though. [Phoebe Buffay] I do too. [David] Bye Phoebe. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, now's not the time Joey. All right? You can yell at me tomorrow. [Joey Tribbiani] No! No! No Pheebs, I'm not gonna yell at you. I just y'know, started thinking about you and David and I...remember how bummed you were the first time he left. And I just... Oh Pheebs, come here. Are you okay? [Phoebe Buffay] No I'm not okay. The only guy I've ever been crazy about has gone to Minsk and I may never...I may never see him again. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, y'know you could always visit him. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh right, like they're gonna let me have a passport. [Joey Tribbiani] Anything I can do? Whatever you need. [Phoebe Buffay] Well-But-Now, if-if you can achieve positronic distillation of sub-atomic particles y'know before he does, then he can come back. [Joey Tribbiani] I can give it a shot. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh! Yay! Look! There's a piece that doesn't have floor on it! [Chandler Bing] Stick to your side! [Rachel Green] Hey, come on now! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, what are we havin'? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Oh wait I forgot my wrap. [Ross Geller] What? Oh, okay. Wait here. [Aunt Millie] Hi sweetie! Are you leaving? [Ross Geller] Well... [Aunt Millie] Give us a kiss. Come on! Come on! [Ross Geller] Why?! Why on the lips?!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e11", "title": "The One With All The Cheesecakes"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where They're Up All Night [Monica Geller] Ross, when's this comet thing start? [Ross Geller] Well, technically it seven billion years ago... [#ALL#] Oh no! Oh no! [Ross Geller] Okay! Okay! Fine, I'll stop! No teaching, okay? We'll just watch the pretty light streaking across the sky. Okay? Who's official name is Bapstein-King. [#ALL#] Okay! Okay! [Phoebe Buffay] There it is! Oh, look at that! Isn't Mother Nature amazing? [Chandler Bing] That's a plane! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, all right. 1700 bags of peanuts flying that high, that's pretty amazing too. [Tag Jones] Hey, I wonder if you can see my apartment from up here. [Rachel Green] No. No, you can't. [Tag Jones] What? [Rachel Green] Oh I don't-I don't know. [Ross Geller] Man, look at all those stars! Infinite space. It really, really makes you wonder, doesn't it? [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know what else makes you wonder? [Ross Geller] Huh? [Joey Tribbiani] Check out the rack on this chick! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Okay, we've been out here for two hours and we haven't seen any stupid comets. Can we go now? I mean, Chandler's getting chilly. [Chandler Bing] No, I'm not! [Joey Tribbiani] Then why are you wearing Monica's jacket? [Chandler Bing] Because it's flattering! Come on Monica! Come on Monica! [Rachel Green] Yeah actually, I think we're gonna take off too. We rented a movie. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! I won't say, 'no' to a movie! [Rachel Green] Uh Pheebs, we just actually kinda wanted to be alone. [Phoebe Buffay] Shh! Get me out of here. [Rachel Green] Oh. [Joey Tribbiani] Ross! [Ross Geller] What? [Joey Tribbiani] Come here, check this out! [Ross Geller] What? Is it the comet? [Joey Tribbiani] No! No-no. Look, there's a bug stuck in tar right here. [Ross Geller] Joey come-I can't believe-I bring you here to see the Bapstein-King comet, one of nature's most spectacular phenomenon, and all you care about are bugs stuck in tar and-and some woman! [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know, there's two women dude. [Ross Geller] Show me where? [Joey Tribbiani] Right-right up here. [Ross Geller] Joey where's the pipe that was holding the door open? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know! Yeah, I do. [Ross Geller] Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] What?! All right-Hey! Don't look at me! You're the one who wanted to come up and look for some stupid Burger King comet! [Ross Geller] It's called the Bapstein-King comet, okay? Hey! Hey! Bapstein was a very well respected astronomer! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh no! No! No! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Monica! [Monica Geller] She's sleeping. [Chandler Bing] I know, just quick-quick question, quick question. Which one was Deep Impact and which one was Armageddon? [Monica Geller] Deep Impact was the one with Robert Duval, Armageddon is what's going to happen to you if you wake me up. [Chandler Bing] Sorry, I just...can't sleep. Ooh! Where is that book that you are reading with the two women who were ice-skating and wearing, wearing those hats with the flowers on it? Because every time I look at that cover I'm like... [Monica Geller] It is in the living room where there is also a light! And no one will kick you in the shin. [Chandler Bing] What?! Ow! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Please don't be a space ship. Please don't be a space ship. Oh thank God! How could you be beeping?! I just disconnected you! I took out your battery! How can... [Smoke Detector] Beep! [Phoebe Buffay] Don't interrupt me!! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Rachel!! Monica!! [Joey Tribbiani] Come on! [Ross Geller] I can't believe this!! [Joey Tribbiani] All right well, y'know...I guess we know what we have to do to get down. [Ross Geller] Yeah, I guess we don't have a choice. Help us! Please help us! We're stuck up on the roof and we can't get down!!! [Joey Tribbiani] Ross. I was thinking we could just go down the fire escape. [Ross Geller] I know, I wasn't finished. But don't worry! We're gonna go down the fire escape!! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Shhhhhhhhh!!! I'm sorry, I thought maybe I'd make some warm milk and it would help me sleep. [Monica Geller] With a wok? I thought you were going to read my boring book to put you asleep. [Chandler Bing] It got interesting! Damn you Oprah! [Monica Geller] Here, let me make the milk, I'm up anyway. [Chandler Bing] Hey, y'know what we can do? Y'know, now that we are up? We can just like talk to each other all night long, y'know like we did when we were first going out. It'd be fun! [Monica Geller] Okay that does sound like fun. [Chandler Bing] Okay, so how bummed were you when the second sister died huh? [Monica Geller] The second sister dies?! [Chandler Bing] No. No, I-I was, I was talking about the book I was reading. [Monica Geller] The second sister dies in Archie and Jughead Double Digest? [Chandler Bing] That's correct. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] You wanna go in the bedroom? It's a little more comfortable. [Tag Jones] Sure. [Rachel Green] Okay. Oh wait! Umm, did you send those contracts to Milan? [Tag Jones] If this is your idea of sexy talk? [Rachel Green] No seriously, y'know the contracts I gave you, did you overnight them? [Tag Jones] What contracts? [Rachel Green] Okay please tell me that this is just one of your jokes that you do that I don't get. [Tag Jones] Like what? [Rachel Green] Y'know, like the thing when you put the phone in your pants? Tag! I'm serious! This isn't funny! Those contracts absolutely had to go out today! [Tag Jones] Rach, I'm sorry, but you didn't give me any contracts! [Rachel Green] Yes I did! And I put a little Post-It on it that said, "Must go out today," and underlined today three times and, and then I put a little heart in the corner because I didn't want to seem to bossy. [Tag Jones] I'm telling you, you never gave them to me. [Rachel Green] Y'know what Tag, if we went down to the office you would see those contracts sitting on your desk. [Tag Jones] No, I would see you looking embarrassed because they are not on my desk! [Rachel Green] Or maybe you would see me looking embarrassed because you are talking on the phone with your crotch! [Tag Jones] You wanna go down to the office right now? [Rachel Green] No! Come on its late, we're not gonna go down to the office. [Tag Jones] Okay I understand. I wouldn't want to be proved wrong either. [Rachel Green] Okay get your coat! Oh! When did you unhook this? Nice work! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] All right, it won't go down any further. It's stuck. [Ross Geller] Ugh. Well, we're just gonna have to jump. Yeah. Now, we're gonna have to make sure to land to the right of that patch of ice, okay? Not hit the dumpster on the other side and uh, and try to avoid that-that weird brownish red stuff in the middle. So, when you get down there...you go up to the roof and you let me in. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh whoa-whoa wait a minute! I have to do it?! [Ross Geller] Yeah! Oh yeah, you'll be fine! It-it'll be uh, just like bungy jumping. Y'know? But instead of bouncing back up you-you won't. [Joey Tribbiani] What if I smack my head on the concrete? [Ross Geller] Well, I'm gonna lie to you Joey, it's a possibility. [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know Ross! I-I tell you what, let's flip to see who does it, okay? You-you call it in the air, all right? [Ross Geller] Oh, all right. Tails! Can you-can you see what it is? [Joey Tribbiani] No. [Ross Geller] Okay. Well, you be careful. [Joey Tribbiani] What? No! No Ross! No-no! Stop! I'm not jumping! Okay, look I have an audition tomorrow and I can't go if I break my leg. [Ross Geller] Well I'm jumping! I have a son! Okay? He won't have a father if-if I die! [Joey Tribbiani] Well all right so, it looks like we're even! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. So, this wire is connected to this wire which plugs into here. Okay so, to get the beeping to stop all I have to do... Well done, Pheebs. What do you want from me?!!!!!!! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Okay, here's your milk. What do you want to talk about? [Chandler Bing] What? What? What? [Monica Geller] Ohh! Ohhhh! Were you sleeping sweetie? I'm sorry. Here. --------------------------------------- [Tag Jones] Okay! Feel free to look, but I'm telling you those contracts are not on this desk. [Rachel Green] Oh how can you possibly know? Look at this mess, Tag! I mean, this is what I'm talking about! You have to be organized! You've got newspapers! You've got magazines! You got-Ohh! And who is this chippy? A little young for you Tag, but whatever. [Tag Jones] It's my sister. [Rachel Green] Okay, very cute braces. Anyway y'know what, the point is Tag, start looking because you are going to find those contracts on your desk. [Tag Jones] So when do you imagine you gave them to me? In the morning or in the afternoon? [Rachel Green] In the afternoon. Mr. Zelner came into my office after lunch. He put them on my desk, and then I put a Post-It on it that said, "Must go out today." So you just keep looking in there! All right? --------------------------------------- [Tag Jones] It's not here. [Rachel Green] Puzzler. A bit of a puzzle. Why don't you um, check the copy room, maybe you left the contracts in there? [Tag Jones] How could I have left them in the copy room? [Rachel Green] I don't know Tag! How can your genitals make phone calls? Okay? It's not a perfect world! Just go please. [Tag Jones] Fine. [Rachel Green] Thank you. Hello? I still don't get it. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Are you still awake? [Chandler Bing] Yeah! You? [Monica Geller] You do know that was me who just said that right? Hey. As long as we're both up... [Chandler Bing] Yeah? I hope you're not thinking about cleaning the living room. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Man, I'm starving! What the hell was I thinking at dinner?! "Do you want soup or salad?" Both! Always order both! [Ross Geller] Y'know, y'know I'm lookin' and I don't think anyone's home here. I say we just break the window, crawl through, and-and y'know explain later. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah? Really? No one's home? [Ross Geller] I don't think so. Hello? When you get in there... --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, this is where you and I part ways. Noisy bitch! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] What?! What are you doing?! [Chandler Bing] Do you know what just happened? [Monica Geller] Yeah. We-we had sex and then we fell asleep. [Chandler Bing] No. We were in the middle of sex...and you fell asleep. [Monica Geller] Nooo! No, that's not true. No, best time ever! Yeah, you rocked me world! [Chandler Bing] Monica? [Monica Geller] What?! [Chandler Bing] I was giving you some of my best moves, and you missed it. So please wake up so we can do it right! [Monica Geller] Okay. Okay, I'm ready. Come on big fella! [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] Give me the good stuff. [Chandler Bing] Yeah! No! No! No! Don't fall asleep! Okay, I am going to make you some coffee. And I probably won't spill coffee grounds all over the kitchen floor. [Monica Geller] Okay, I'm up! I'm up! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi! I got you some coffee. To, uh... ...fair enough. So! Do you got anything for me? [Tag Jones] Still no luck. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Did you check your entire desk! Did you check all the drawers! [Tag Jones] Do you want me to check again? [Rachel Green] Well yeah, I wish that you would. Well, no it's not in there! How about that drawer? [Tag Jones] Well, it's not out here. Is there any chance it could be in your office? [Rachel Green] Y'know, I don't-I don't know. Let me, let me check. [Tag Jones] Any luck? [Rachel Green] Can I see you in my office for a minute? [Tag Jones] Yeah? You found them!! Y'know what? I'm not even going to gloat. I'm just really relived this whole thing is over. [Rachel Green] You put these on my desk! [Tag Jones] I did not! [Rachel Green] Oh really? So you're saying they just slid out of your bottom drawer, crawled across the floor, then jumped on to my desk?! [Tag Jones] How did you know they were in my bottom drawer? [Rachel Green] I am so hot for you right now. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! How did you get back here?! [A Disembodied Voice] Phoebe Buffay?! [Phoebe Buffay] Fire alarm? Oh! Hi, officer-fireman, can-can I help you? [The Fireman] We found your fire alarm in the trash chute. [Phoebe Buffay] That's not mine. [The Fireman] Yes it is. [Phoebe Buffay] How do you know? [The Fireman] The next time you want to dump a fire alarm in a trash chute, don't wrap it in a blanket that says, "Property of Phoebe Buffay not Monica." [Phoebe Buffay] Okay do you-Okay, do you have a search warrant? Because the last time I checked this was still America! [The Fireman] Please reattach this, it's against the law to disconnect them. [Phoebe Buffay] Fine! But please God; tell me how to stop them from going off! [The Fireman] There's a reset button under the plastic cover. [Phoebe Buffay] There's a reset button?! Ugh, thank you! Thank you! There's a reset button! My God! Why didn't I see that! Reset button, reset button, where is there a reset button? Oh here it is! Oh! Ohh, God! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Okay, do-do you have a good grip? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! [Ross Geller] Okay, I'm going to start climb down you now. [Joey Tribbiani] All right! Just hurry up! [Ross Geller] Okay. Now-now-now should I climb down your front so we're face to face or-or should I climb down your back so we're-we're butt to face. [Joey Tribbiani] I think face to face. [Ross Geller] I would say that. [Joey Tribbiani] Face to face, yeah! [Ross Geller] Okay, here I go. [Joey Tribbiani] All right. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my... How much do you weigh Ross?! [Ross Geller] I prefer not to answer that right now, I'm still carrying a little holiday weight. [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know, when we talked about face to face, I don't think we thought it all the way through. [Ross Geller] So what do you want me to do? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, just shimmy down me and drop! [Ross Geller] Hi. [Joey Tribbiani] Hi. [Ross Geller] M-maybe I should hang and you can climb down me. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah? Maybe we should talk about that for a little while! [Ross Geller] It's still looks pretty far! [Joey Tribbiani] It's not that far! Just drop! [Ross Geller] Do not rush me!! [Joey Tribbiani] Ross, you should know that my pants are startin' to come down and I'm not wearing any underwear! [Ross Geller] Oww!! My ankle! I really hurt my ankle! I think I twisted it when I-Ooh, a quarter! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] That really was some of your best work. [Chandler Bing] Hm-hmm, I told you! I can't believe that I've only got two hours before I call in sick for work. [Monica Geller] I have to be up in seven minutes. [Chandler Bing] Well, you're not gonna believe this, but if you have seven minutes... [Monica Geller] Really?! [Chandler Bing] Do you wanna? [Monica Geller] Okay! You get the vacuum cleaner and I'll get the furniture polish!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e12", "title": "The One Where They're Up All Night"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Rosita Dies [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Rachel Green] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] What are you doing? [Rachel Green] Well, y'know I was thinking of moving the couch over here. [Joey Tribbiani] Why would you want to do that? [Rachel Green] So that there will be a decent place for me to sit. [Joey Tribbiani] Rach, there is a decent place to... [Rachel Green] And your lap does not count! Okay? Come on help me move this. [Joey Tribbiani] No. No. No. [Rachel Green] No? [Joey Tribbiani] No. Rosita does not move. [Rachel Green] I'm sorry, Rosita? As in... [Joey Tribbiani] As in Rosita does not move. [Rachel Green] Joey, it's just a chair! What's the big deal? [Joey Tribbiani] The big deal is that it is the exact equal distance from the bathroom to the kitchen and it's at the perfect angle so you don't get any glare coming of off Stevie. [Rachel Green] Stevie the TV? [Joey Tribbiani] Is there a problem? [Rachel Green] No! Oh what does he know! Come on Rosita, us chichas got to stick together! You bitch! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey, y'know what's weird? After you guys get married, when you introduce me to people you're gonna have to say, "This is my brother-in-law Ross." Not, "My friend Ross," "brother-in-law Ross." That's weird isn't it? [Chandler Bing] Couldn't I just say, "This is Ross?" [Ross Geller] Sure, do whatever you want. [Monica Geller] Hey Ross! So, I was checking out the uh, real estate section... [Ross Geller] Yeah? [Monica Geller] Look at this. [Ross Geller] Oh, it looks like mom and dad's house. Oh, it even has a tree with a broken limb out front and the uh, the window in the attic is...Oh my God!! [Phoebe Buffay] What? What happened to the window in the attic?! [Monica Geller] I can't believe mom and dad are selling the house! [Ross Geller] I can't believe they-they didn't even tell us! [Phoebe Buffay] I can't believe I still don't know what happened to the window in the attic! [Ross Geller] Uh, hello dad! Monica and I just saw the house in the paper! Yes we're surprised! Who did you leave a message with? [Chandler Bing] Sorry! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Joey, Joey I am so sorry. [Joey Tribbiani] I told you not to move it! Rach, how would you feel if say, I wanted to move you mom, and you said don't, and I did it anyway and her head fell off? [Rachel Green] Okay, come on-Joey, I'll buy you a new one! All right? We'll go down to the store right now and we'll-we'll get you a new chair. [Joey Tribbiani] She's not even cold yet! [Rachel Green] But don't you think Rosita would've wanted you to move on? I mean y'know, she did always put...your comfort first. [Joey Tribbiani] That's true. [Rachel Green] Okay? You ready? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I... I don't want Stevie to see her like this. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] I can't believe we have to say goodbye to the house we grew up in. Man, some-some stranger's gonna be living in my room. [Monica Geller] Well, after 15 years of mom and dad keeping it as a shrine to you, it's time the velvet ropes came down. [Ross Geller] They kept your room for a while. [Monica Geller] Oh please! Dad turned my room into a gym 20 minutes after I moved out! I gotta say, a tanning bed and a stack of Victoria's Secret catalogues, not a gym! [Ross Geller] Come on, you know they love you. [Monica Geller] As much as they love you? [Ross Geller] I was their first born! They thought she was barren! It's not my fault. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. [Ross Geller] Hey. [Monica Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Ugh, I hate this year! [Ross Geller] What's wrong with this year? [Phoebe Buffay] Well okay, it's already February and I've only given two massages and they were both the worst tippers in the world! [Monica Geller] That was me and Ross. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh that's right! [Ross Geller] Hey, y'know if you want to pick up some extra cash? Some friends of mine made good money doing telemarketing. [Monica Geller] Oh that's a great idea. You're really good on the phone. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had. Y'know, I probably wouldn't have to say spank as much. [Ross Geller] What? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah, like you never called! --------------------------------------- [Supervisor] So basically this is very easy. You read from the script and try to sell as much toner as you possibly can. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I can do that! Oh, by the way, I love my office. [Supervisor] Why don't we do a trial run. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh okay. Umm, all right. Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please? [Supervisor] I'm the supply manager. [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, okay I would like to talk to you about your toner needs. [Supervisor] We don't need any toner. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh okay, well I'm sorry to bother you. Bye-bye. Yeah you're right, this is easy. [Supervisor] Okay, what was wrong with that call? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh well, all right...um, no offense, but you were kind of rude. [Supervisor] They're always going to tell you they don't need toner, but that's okay because whatever they say, you can find the answer to it here in this script. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. [Supervisor] So, I think you're ready to sell toner, do you have any last questions? [Phoebe Buffay] No. Oh wait yes! I do, I do have one question. What is toner? --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Joey! Joe! Full bag. Beer's still cold. Something terrible must've happened here! Oh no-no-no-no-no-no! Stevie, I was never here! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Dad? [Jack Geller] I'm here! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Jack Geller] Hi. God, it seems like just yesterday you guys used to come out to watch me work. [Ross Geller] Dad, we-we can't believe you're selling the house. [Jack Geller] Well, it's time for a new family to start their memories here and hopefully their check will clear before they find the crack in the foundation and the asbestos in the ceiling. [Ross Geller] Let's grab our stuff and get the hell out of here. [Jack Geller] I'm sorry we can't store your childhood things anymore. [Monica Geller] Oh, that's okay, I can't wait to see everything again! All of the memories... [Jack Geller] Well, I don't know what's in the boxes down here, but I do know there are six or seven Easy Bake Ovens in the attic. [Monica Geller] I used to love to play restaurant. [Ross Geller] Yeah, not as much as you used to love to play uncooked batter eater. [Monica Geller] Hey, it is unreasonable to expect a child to wait for a light bulb to cook brownies! [Jack Geller] So, I think you're boxes are over here. [Ross Geller] Wow! Great! Wait, dad who-who's cigarettes are these? [Jack Geller] I don't know. They-they must be your mother's, but please, please don't ask her. I'll throw these away. [Ross Geller] Cool! Dad! My report cards! Hey, check this out dad, Math, A. Science, A. History, A. Gym... Oooh, my rock polisher! [Jack Geller] Oh look, look there's your old makeup kit! [Ross Geller] It's a clown kit! Clown kit! [Jack Geller] Well, the white seems to be untouched. Uh-oh. [Ross Geller] What? [Jack Geller] Y'know how the garage floods every Spring? [Ross Geller] How are you ever going to sell this place? [Jack Geller] I think I accidentally used Monica's boxes to keep the water away from the Porsche. [Ross Geller] Oh no. Dad! Dad! What... Oh God...everything's ruined! Dad, she's gonna be crushed! [Jack Geller] You don't secretly smoke do you? [Ross Geller] No! [Jack Geller] So it's just your mother then. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hi, this Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please? Earl, thanks. Hi Earl, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies I'd like to talk to you about your toner needs. [Earl] I don't need any toner. [Phoebe Buffay] I'm hearing what you're saying, but at our prices everyone needs toner. [Earl] Not me. [Phoebe Buffay] May I ask why? [Earl] You wanna know why. You wanna know why? [Phoebe Buffay] I surely do! [Earl] Okay, I don't need any toner because I'm going to kill myself. [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, is-is that because you're out of toner? --------------------------------------- [Earl] Okay, so...no toner today. Thanks anyway, bye-bye. [Phoebe Buffay] No-no wait-wait! I can't just let you hang up! Just please talk to me. [Earl] Well...I Only Have One Thing To Do Today. I guess I could push it back. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! Now, why do you want to kill yourself? [Earl] It's just that I uh, have been working for ten years now at this meaningless, dead-end job and nobody here even knows I exist! [Phoebe Buffay] Chandler? [Earl] I-I'm sorry? [Phoebe Buffay] No look, I-I'm sure that people know you exist! [Earl] Oh yeah? I work in a cubicle surrounded by people. I've been talking to you for five minutes now about killing myself and no one's even looked up from their desk. Hang-hang on. Hey everybody! Uh, I'm gonna kill myself! I'll get back to ya. I got nothing. Wait. Uh, hey Marge! Ehh, nothing. Nothing. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] My chair. Now, if anybody asks, your name is Rosita! [Rachel Green] You will like it! [Joey Tribbiani] No I won't. [Rachel Green] You don't even know! [Joey Tribbiani] Because, I know what I like and what I don't like! It's not the same thing! [Rachel Green] Well look, if you don't like this... [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know why you say that so soon. [Rachel Green] Come on Joey, I just bought you a new chair! The most expensive one in the store! Hey, y'know what I was thinking? We could name her Francette. [Joey Tribbiani] Francette? What is she? A couch? [Joey Tribbiani] Poor thing. Cut down in her prime. [Rachel Green] Joey, the new chair will be here in an hour. Maybe we should actually move Rosita out of here. Y'know, start the heeling process? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I guess you're right. Maybe, maybe I'll take her down to the incinerator. It's gonna be so said, and kinda cool. She's heeled! [Rachel Green] That's weird. [Joey Tribbiani] No it's not weird, it's a miracle! [Rachel Green] It's not a miracle Joey! I'm sure there's some explanation. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh there is! If you want something enough and your heart is pure, wondrous things can happen! [Rachel Green] Joey, I really don't... [Joey Tribbiani] Can you tell me how this happened? [Rachel Green] Well no. [Joey Tribbiani] Miracle! [Rachel Green] No, y'know what? Maybe somebody came in here and fixed it! Or something! [Joey Tribbiani] Someone like an...angel? [Rachel Green] That's right Joey, the chair angel came in and heeled your chair. [Joey Tribbiani] Get your non-believer ass outta my chair! --------------------------------------- [Jack Geller] Well, she'll understand right? It's not like I did it on purpose. [Ross Geller] Dad that won't matter to her. Look, all my stuff is safe and dry and all her is-is, is growing new stuff! See, this is exactly the kind of thing that makes her think you guys love me more than you love her. [Jack Geller] Oh my God, does she really thinks that? [Ross Geller] Well, can you blame her? [Jack Geller] Well I don't know, I-I suppose we may have favored you unconsciously, you were a medical marvel! The doctor said your mother could... [Ross Geller] Dad, dad I don't want to hear about it. [Jack Geller] Really? [Ross Geller] Well, not right now. Okay look, Monica came here for some memories and damnit, we're gonna give her some! Okay, grab...grab some empty boxes. Okay? We'll-we'll take stuff from mine and whatever we can pass off as hers we'll-we'll put 'em in their. [Jack Geller] Great! [Ross Geller] Like uh y'know like this! This! She-she could've made this! [Jack Geller] Sure! [Ross Geller] Right? And this! She-she could've won this! [Jack Geller] This could've been hers! [Ross Geller] Sure! Ooh-ooh, what about this? [Jack Geller] Your make-up kit? I'd feel better. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] I am so psyched I kept this chair for myself! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, me too. [Rachel Green] Hey, how's...how's the uh, miracle chair? [Joey Tribbiani] Fine. [Rachel Green] Yeah? Wow! Y'know, that this thing has speakers in the headrest! [Joey Tribbiani] No. Really? [Rachel Green] Yeah! You can hook it up to your TV and you get radio! [Joey Tribbiani] My chair heels itself. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Earl, you're not hearing me! All I'm saying is that you're not alone all right? Everybody hates the people they work with! [Guy] Hey guy! [Phoebe Buffay] Wait, what was that? That sounded like someone being nice to you. [Earl] No! That's just the "Hey Guy" guy. He says that to everybody! He's the worst! I'd like to take him with me! [Phoebe Buffay] All right so Earl, let's just forget about the people at the office, okay? There-there's gotta be someone else in your life worth sticking around for! What about-what about your family, your friends, or maybe your girlfriend? [Earl] Yeah! Right! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh sorry, boyfriend! [Earl] Oh no. [Phoebe Buffay] No, whatever! Anything! [The "Hey Guy" Guy] Hey guy! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, he's gotta go. [Earl] Okay, I should, I should probably be getting back to my thing now. See ya. [Phoebe Buffay] No! I'm not finished yet! Don't! Don't you dare hang up on me!!! [Supervisor] The new girl's good. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey guys! Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey. [Monica Geller] Hey, I just whipped us up some Easy Bake treats, they should be ready in about three days. [Jack Geller] That's a good one! Do you hear that Ross? Three days! [Ross Geller] Yeah! Yeah! Oh, this will make a great memory. [Monica Geller] Okay. So, which boxes are mine? [Ross Geller] Well, these. These are yours right here. [Monica Geller] Okay. Oh! A coloring book! [Ross Geller] Yeah. Yeah, oh you loved that thing. You always had it with you. You never went anywhere without-without that coloring book. [Monica Geller] Really? Wow! It looks like I had some trouble staying inside the lines. [Ross Geller] Nu-uh! [Monica Geller] Oh, an old glove? [Jack Geller] Oh, yeah you loved that glove! You took it every place you went. You never went any place without that glove. [Monica Geller] Wow! Look At This! I Can'T Believe I Even Fit Into This Shirt! Oh, this is yours. [Ross Geller] Oh, I don't know how that got in there. [Monica Geller] This isn't mine. Hey, this isn't, this isn't my stuff! Ugh, Ross! These are your boxes! Where are my boxes? [Ross Geller] Umm, your boxes are umm... [Monica Geller] What? [Ross Geller] Dad? [Jack Geller] Well, the garage flooded sweetie and it ruined everything in your boxes. I'm sorry. [Monica Geller] Just mine? [Jack Geller] I'm afraid so. [Monica Geller] So why-why wasn't Ross's stuff ruined? And if you say the words medical marvel I'm going to Easy Bake your head! [Jack Geller] Well, I used your boxes to divert water away from the Porsche. [Monica Geller] So wait, Ross's stuff is fine, but I have no memories because you wanted to keep the bottom two inches of your car away from water!!! [Jack Geller] There was also leaves and guk and stuff. [Monica Geller] I can't believe this! [Jack Geller] Screw it! I'm having one. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey Chandler! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Rachel Green] How would you like to sit in a chair that fully reclines, has a rolling massage, and speakers in the head rest? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I'd love to but I've tried that so many times they won't even let me in the store anymore. [Rachel Green] Well what if I told you, you can do it in my apartment? [Chandler Bing] Are you telling me that you bought the chair that is making all other lounge systems obsolete? The chair that Sit magazine called the Chair of the Year? [Rachel Green] I just purchased the La-Z-Boy E-cliner 3000. [Chandler Bing] That's awesome! That's great! What made you do it?! [Rachel Green] Well, it's a long story, but umm I broke Joey's chair... [Chandler Bing] Whoa-whoa-whoa! You broke Joey's chair? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] I thought I broke Joey's chair! That's why I replaced it with mine! [Rachel Green] Ohhhhh. That's how it got fixed! [Chandler Bing] Well, what did you think, that-that elves came in and fixed it? [Rachel Green] Noo! Angels. [Chandler Bing] I'm gettin' my chair back! [Rachel Green] What? Wh-hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, it looks like it wasn't heeled after all! Yeah! So, I guess this chair is mine now! [Chandler Bing] Joey you broke my chair!! [Joey Tribbiani] Your chair?! [Rachel Green] Yeah, he thought he broke your chair so he switched the chairs! [Joey Tribbiani] So, there was no miracle?! [Rachel Green] No Joe, no miracle. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh no this is devastating! My faith is shaken. I'm so glad I have the new chair to get my through this difficult time in my life. [Rachel Green] Uh-huh! Nice try, but you don't get that chair anymore! All right? That is my chair now! You can sit on my lap! No I take that back! [Chandler Bing] I think I should get the chair! [Joey Tribbiani] How do you figure? [Chandler Bing] Because you broke a chair and you broke a chair! The only one around here that hasn't broke a chair, is me! [Rachel Green] No-no-no! This chair's not going anywhere. [Chandler Bing] Well, where's the logic in that?! [Rachel Green] The logic is, that there are two of us and we are both strong enough to break a chair in half! [Chandler Bing] So Joey breaks my chair and I get nothing! [Joey Tribbiani] That's right! [Chandler Bing] What are you guys? Like a gang or something?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! We are! [Rachel Green] We're the Cobras! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Excuse me! Can you tell me where I can find Earl? He's the supply manager around here. [Marge] Sorry, I don't know any Earl. [Earl] I'm right here!!!! [Phoebe Buffay] Earl! I'm Phoebe. [Earl] Phoebe? The lady who sells toner? [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, look it, you-you can't kill yourself. [Earl] Look, um I really appreciate your coming down... [Phoebe Buffay] No-no I can't! I can't let you do it! [Earl] Why?! [Phoebe Buffay] Because it was fate that made me call you today! [Earl] I thought it was toner. [Phoebe Buffay] No! Think about it okay? This isn't even my regular job! Okay? And my first day on the job, you're my first call! And-and somebody else might've hung up on you, but I wouldn't do that because I know about this stuff. My mom killed herself. [Earl] Really?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yes. [Earl] How? [Phoebe Buffay] I'm not gonna give you tips! Look don't you see that this-this...this all came together so that I could stop you from doing this. [Earl] Couldn't it just be a coincidence? [Phoebe Buffay] No, it's fate! [Earl] It doesn't really seem like enough to be fate. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. Well umm, okay here's a weird thing. My mother was also a supply manager. [Earl] I'm actually the office manager. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! So was she! And! Get this, okay? Your-your name is Earl, right? Her name was Pearl, P-Earl. [Earl] Well, was there anything else?! [Phoebe Buffay] Sure! Umm, where are you from? [Earl] Philadelphia. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! So was she! Oh, I've got-I've got goose bumps. [Earl] Really? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, y'know I'm wearing layers and it's warm. [Earl] Yeah-yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] But if-no look, okay. These jerks might not care about you, but the universe does! And that says a lot! [Earl] Did you hear that?! I don't need you guys to care about me! Because the universe cares! The whole universe! I really wished they'd care just a little bit though. [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know, I don't-I don't think it's you. This is a freaky place. Hey! Guys! Oh no, it's you. [Earl] Yeah. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Oh, this terrible! Everything is destroyed! Look at this. It obviously meant enough for me to save it, and I don't even know what it is! Ohh, it's still soft. What do you think this is? [Ross Geller] All right. I think it was a mouse. [Jack Geller] How are you honey? [Monica Geller] How do you think I am?! You've wrecked all my childhood memories. You love Ross more than me. And I just rubbed a dead mouse on my face! [Jack Geller] Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross! Now, I'm sorry about everything that happened and I'd probably never be able to make it up to you, but here's a start. [Monica Geller] What's this? [Jack Geller] It's the key to my Porsche. Well, the key to your Porsche. [Monica Geller] What?! [Ross Geller] What?!!! [Jack Geller] I've been thinking about getting rid of it. I was driving it the other day and saw my reflection in a store window. Your mother's right, I do look like an ass. [Monica Geller] Wait, you're giving me your Porsche, you're kidding me right?! [Ross Geller] Well w-w-w-w-wait, w-wait, wait, wait a minute! I mean a couple of stupid boxes get wet and she gets a Porsche?! [Jack Geller] Why don't we take it for a spin? [Monica Geller] All right! [Ross Geller] Well, what about me?! I'm a medical marvel!! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah. [Rachel Green] Ahhhh.... [Joey Tribbiani] Ahhh...... Eh? [Rachel Green] Uh-huh. [Monica Geller] Hey guys! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Monica Geller] Do you guys know what happened to Chandler's barca lounger? [Rachel Green] Oh yeah, Joey broke it. Had to get rid of it. [Monica Geller] Are you kidding?! I get a Porsche and the barca lounger's gone?! This is the best day ever!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e13", "title": "The One Where Rosita Dies"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where They All Turn Thirty [Ross Geller] Happy birthday!!! [Monica Geller] Happy birthday!!! [#ALL#] Rach! Come on! Rach! [Monica Geller] It's your birthday! [Tag Jones] Hey. [Chandler Bing] She's not as pretty as she was when she was 29. [Tag Jones] Ms. Green would like to establish some ground rules before she comes out. She would appreciate it if you don't use the words old or downhill or they still look pretty damn good. [Joey Tribbiani] They do! [Phoebe Buffay] Rachel! Come on out! Monica made breakfast! [Monica Geller] Chocolate-chip pancakes! [Ross Geller] We've got presents! [Rachel Green] Good ones? [Monica Geller] They all came from the list you handed out to us two weeks ago. [Rachel Green] Well, can I keep the presents and still be 29? [Joey Tribbiani] Come on Rach! Look, turning thirty is not that big a deal. [Ross Geller] Oh really. Is that how you felt when you turned thirty? [Joey Tribbiani] Why God?!! Why?!! We had a deal!! Let the others grow old! Not me!! [Rachel Green] Y'know, I'm still 29 in Guam. [Ross Geller] Hey, 30 is not that old! Do you know how old the Earth is? [Rachel Green] Late thirties? Oh come on you guys! Is it just me? Am I overreacting to this? [Chandler Bing] No Rach, it's not just you. My thirtieth birthday certainly wasn't that much fun. [Joey Tribbiani] And now Chandler! We're all gettin' so old! Why are you doing this to us?! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Rach, you're in a great place in your life. Come on, you've got a great job! Good friends... [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, you're roommate is a soap opera star. [Rachel Green] Look, y'know I know my life's going pretty well, but I look around and I just see so many people who've accomplished so many other goals by the time they're thirty. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, but you shouldn't compare yourself to me. [#ALL#] Come on Phoebe! You can do it Phoebe! Come on! [Rachel Green] There you go! [Phoebe Buffay] I did it! One mile on a hippity-hop! That's it!! That's everything I wanted to do before I was thirty. Oh, except I wanted to patch things up with my sister. But oh well. Yay!! And-and girls this thing is a Godsend if you know what I mean. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Thirty. Ugh, I mean thirty! Monica, do you remember mean, old Mrs. Kreeger in the fifth grade? She was thirty! [Tag Jones] Come on, let's have some fun. Huh? What do you want to do today? [Rachel Green] Nothing. I don't want to do anything. [Monica Geller] Well, doing nothing on your thirtieth is better than doing something stupid, like Ross. [Ross Geller] Hey! That was a practical purchase! I needed that car for transportation! Okay? I-I have a child! [Ross Geller] How hot do I look in this, huh?! [Chandler Bing] Ross, a sports car? Wouldn't it have been cheaper to just stuff a sock down there? [Ross Geller] That's not what this is about okay? I-I am a sports car enthusiast. I have always been into cars. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, what's the horsepower on this thing? [Ross Geller] I don't know, but-but look how shiny! [Monica Geller] I can't believe you bought this. [Rachel Green] Really! God Ross, what were you thinking? I know it's really shallow, but a part of me wants him again. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, well get in line missy. So, can I have a ride stud? [Ross Geller] Hop in. Get ready for the smoothest ride of your life. [Ross Geller] Damnit! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, who's next? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Y'know what? I am going to do something today. I'm not just gonna sit around like some old lady. I'm gonna get something pierced. Like my uh, like my nose or my tongue or something. [Phoebe Buffay] Really?! 'Cause y'know that hurts. [Rachel Green] So what?! Y'know what? The way I see it--Ow! Son of a bitch!! [Tag Jones] Look Rachel, I know what you're going through. I'm totally freaked about turning 25. [Rachel Green] Get out, get out of my apartment. [Monica Geller] All right Rach, for what it's worth, I think that you're doing great. I mean y'know let's face it, no one handles this well. [Phoebe Buffay] Least of all you. [Tag Jones] Why? What you'd do? [Monica Geller] Weren't you asked to leave sonny? [Chandler Bing] Would you put that back on?! Monica's gonna be here any minute! [Joey Tribbiani] But it hurt's my Joey's Apple. [Chandler Bing] Okay, for the last time. It's not named for each individual man. [Judy Geller] You've done a wonderful job with this party Chandler. Everything looks so lovely. [Chandler Bing] Oh well, not as lovely as you. I mean, I can't believe that you would have a thirty-year-old daughter! And you! I can't believe that you would have a tux that's thirty years old! [Jack Geller] It's older than that. Ross was actually conceived right near this tuxedo. [Chandler Bing] Ohh! [Rachel Green] Hey! Everybody hide! Hide! I saw her! She's coming! [Chandler Bing] Okay! Okay! Everybody down! Everybody down! [Jack Geller] Crap. [Chandler Bing] Okay, everybody stay here. I will find out what's going on. [Monica Geller] Heyyy!! You got the door open!! [Chandler Bing] Hey-hey are you drunk? [Monica Geller] Nooo! Okay. Whoa! Okay. See I was, I was a little nervous about turning thirty. So the bus boys took me out for some drinks. I wanna puke on you later! [Chandler Bing] Okay, here is the thing. We have thrown a very formal surprise party for you in there! All of your friends are in there and your parents! [Monica Geller] Noo!!! [Chandler Bing] Yes! [Monica Geller] Noo!! [Chandler Bing] Yes!! [Monica Geller] Oh no! My parents have never seen me drunk! That they know of. [Chandler Bing] Okay, here's the thing. We're gonna get you some coffee and they will never know that you're drunk. [Monica Geller] Really?! You promise? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I'll take care of it. [Monica Geller] Okay. I love you so much. [Chandler Bing] Okay we have to do something about your breath. [Monica Geller] What about your breath?! [Chandler Bing] That's still yours. Okay, now remember it's a surprise party. So, when you go in, act surprised. [Monica Geller] Okay. I can do that. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [#ALL#] Surprise!!! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Okay, forward. Forward-Stop! Okay, back-Stop! Okay, forward-Stop! Stop! Stop! [Monica Geller] Ross, just forget about it. This guy's got you totally wedged in. [Woman] Is this yours? [Joey Tribbiani] Well actually... [Ross Geller] No-no-no! It's mine! It's-it's mine. [Joey Tribbiani] Dude, you soooo need this car. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. Okay, I'm gonna break into this mini-van and put it in neutral. You guys push it forward so Ross can drive out of his spot. Okay? All right, here we go. Haul ass!!!! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Happy thirtieth birthday! Here! It's for the child in you, and the woman. Happy thirtieth! [Ursula Buffay] Right, why do you keep saying that? [Phoebe Buffay] Because it's our thirtieth birthday. [Ursula Buffay] Yeah, no we're not thirty. We're 31. Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Wait! [Ursula Buffay] Oh, it's you. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. What?! [Ursula Buffay] Yeah, we're not thirty, we're 31. [Phoebe Buffay] Nu-uh! [Ursula Buffay] Yea-huh! That's what is says on my birth certificate. [Phoebe Buffay] You have your birth certificate? [Ursula Buffay] Yeah, I got a big box of family stuff when my mom died. [Phoebe Buffay] Our mom. [Ursula Buffay] Right! Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Do you have my birth certificate? [Ursula Buffay] No, I sold it to a Swedish runaway. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! Oh my God, we are 31. [Ursula Buffay] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] I just lost a whole year of my life. [Ursula Buffay] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Your middle name is Pamela? [Ursula Buffay] Yes. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I never knew mine. Do you remember what it is? [Ursula Buffay] Yes! Phoebe. [Phoebe Buffay] That's my first name. [Ursula Buffay] Right, okay, then no. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Okay before we start the celebration, Monica has to go put on her party dress. [Monica Geller] Yay! [Chandler Bing] See? Here we go. [Jack Geller] Happy birthday, sweetie! Give us a hug! [Judy Geller] Don't get up Jack! The safety pins are about to blow. [Monica Geller] Paul! [Chandler Bing] Phil. [Monica Geller] Phil! [Chandler Bing] Now, there is a dress laid out on your bed. Okay, you're doing great. You're doing great. You're doing fine. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, what's going on? [Chandler Bing] Monica's a little drunk. [Phoebe Buffay] Yay! I love drunk Monica! [Monica Geller] Awwwww... [Chandler Bing] Go change! She doesn't want her parents to know she's drunk. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh! All right! All right. Here's what we'll do, I'll get twice as drunk as Monica and then no one's will even notice her. [Rachel Green] What's-what's going on? Phil's really pissed! [Chandler Bing] Monica's wasted. [Ross Geller] Maybe that will liven up this party. [Chandler Bing] Okay, will you just go help her change please! [Rachel Green] Okay, but taking care of a drunk, naked woman seems like a job for Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Yep. --------------------------------------- [Tag Jones] This one's from me. [Rachel Green] Ahh! [Tag Jones] It wasn't on your list, but hopefully you'll think it's really fun. [Rachel Green] A scooter! [Ross Geller] Stick to the list. Always stick to the list. [Rachel Green] No! No-no, I love it. Thank you. [Chandler Bing] Okay, open ours next. Open ours next! [Rachel Green] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Now that you're a couple, we don't get two presents from you guys? [Chandler Bing] For my last birthday you gave me a hug! Okay, read the card! Read the card! [Rachel Green] Okay. Happy birthday Grandma! It's better to be over the hill then buried under it. All our love Monica and Chandler. That's funny, yeah! [Chandler Bing] No-no-no-no! That was the joke! [Rachel Green] No, I know! I get it! It's funny! [Chandler Bing] No, because you're not a grandmother! [Rachel Green] No I know, because to be a grandmother you have to be married and have children and I don't have any of those things. That's why it's so funny. [Monica Geller] All you had to do was buy the card! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! Look who's back! It's the birthday girl! How's the birthday girl feeling? [Rachel Green] Well, I feel fine, but I think you're bumming out the rest of the kids. [Ross Geller] What? [Rachel Green] Okay! Y'know what? I realized it was stupid to get upset about not having a husband and kids. All I really needed was a plan. See I wanna have three kids... [Phoebe Buffay] Oh let me guess, and you wanna have them all at the same time and you wanna have them for your brother. [Rachel Green] As I was saying... I should probably have the first of the three kids by the time I'm 35 which gives me five years. I love this plan! I wanna marry this plan! [Phoebe Buffay] If you could do that, I'd marry the hippity-hop. [Rachel Green] So, if I wanna have my kid when I'm 35, I don't have to get pregnant until I'm 34. Which gives Prada four years to start making maternity clothes! Oh wait, but I do want to be married for a year before I get pregnant... [Monica Geller] Really! That long?! Look all you want, it's happening! [Rachel Green] No, so I don't have to get married until I'm 33! That's three years, that's three whole years-Oh, wait a minute though. I'll need a year and a half to plan the wedding, and I'd like to know the guy for a year, year and a half before we get engaged... Which means I need to meet the guy by the time I'm thirty. [Ross Geller] Which is fine! Because you just turned--twenty-eight! [Rachel Green] No! Ross, no! It is not fine! Eh-eh-according to my plan I should already be with the guy I wanna marry! [Joey Tribbiani] Will you quit hoggin' it! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] I'm telling you it's like watching Bambi learn how to walk. [Ross Geller] You're drunk! Mom and dad are gonna be maaaaadd! Maybe I'm a little drunk. [Chandler Bing] Oh that's great! Right there! Can we get some of that over here please? There we go. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Are those crab cakes? Did I not tell ya to come straight to me when more crab cakes were ready? [Chandler Bing] How are you feeling? [Monica Geller] You are so handsome! I wanna make love to you right here, right now! [Ross Geller] I really wish that you wouldn't. [Chandler Bing] Now all you have to do is just get through a little bit more, okay? Then we can put you in bed, okay? Just smile and don't talk to anyone. [Phoebe Buffay] Speech! Speech! Let's hear from the birthday girl! Huh? [Chandler Bing] Pheebs!! [Phoebe Buffay] Don't you see? Everyone's looking at me! The plan's working! I didn't even have to take off my top yet! [Judy Geller] Speech! Come on Monica! [Ross Geller] Come on! [#ALL#] Come on! Speech! [Jack Geller] Hey Chandler, you can't keep your hands off her for one second! [Judy Geller] Oh-ho, I think it's nice. [Chandler Bing] I think it's necessary. [Monica Geller] I-I-I wanna thank you all for coming. My family and my friends... [Phoebe Buffay] Wooo!! Hoo!! [Monica Geller] I really like to say that I'm-um... Y'know what I'd really like to say? I'm drunk!! That's right mom and dad your little Harmonica is hammered!! And guess what! I've been drunk before! And I've smoked a cigarette! And I got a box of Ding-Dongs hidden in my underwear drawer! It's all okay. It's okay because I turned thirty today. And, and I can do anything I want! Because I am a grown up. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay quick, help me get this off! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah!! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] I lost a whole year! I can't believe it! This is so unfair! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I don't know Pheebs. It'll be okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Will it? Will it?! I mean, how would you feel if you found out you were 31? [Joey Tribbiani] That's not gonna happen. No. Because we have a new deal! [Phoebe Buffay] Plus, it totally ruined my schedule! I...I haven't done any of the things I wanted to do by the time I was 31! [Joey Tribbiani] Like what? [Phoebe Buffay] Like okay I-I-I, I haven't met any Portuguese people! I, I haven't had the perfect kiss! And I haven't been to sniper's school! [Monica Geller] Phoebe, y'know why don't we just go upstairs and have some birthday cake? [Phoebe Buffay] No, I just feel like being by myself for a while. All right? I'll see you guys later. Thanks. [Rachel Green] Hey. Oh, poor Pheebs. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, y'know what you guys? I think I'm gonna go walk her home. [Monica Geller] Oh man! [Chandler Bing] What? [Monica Geller] He's gonna eat the cake! [Joey Tribbiani] Pheebs! Wait up! Listen uh, close your eyes. Maybe that's one thing you can cross off your list. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, and plus I'm 1/16th Portuguese. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Okay, is everybody clear? We're gonna pick it up...and move it. Now all we need is teamwork, okay? We're gonna lift the car...and slide it out. Lift and slide! [Rachel Green] Ross, I really don't think... [Ross Geller] Lift!! And slide! [Chandler Bing] Okay, here we go. [Ross Geller] All right everyone, lift! And slide!! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey Joey, can I... [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, come on Rach! My turn just started! [Rachel Green] Actually, I just wanna talk to Tag. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh. Okay. Hey, can I ride this outside? [Rachel Green] Whatever! Okay, I'm not your mother. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay! [Rachel Green] Not in the street!! [Joey Tribbiani] Yes! [Rachel Green] Hi. [Tag Jones] Hey. [Rachel Green] Hey. [Tag Jones] How are you doing? Are you feeling any better? [Rachel Green] Yeah, I'm doing okay. I'm um...let's talk. [Tag Jones] Okay. [Rachel Green] Umm... [Tag Jones] What's up? [Rachel Green] Ohh Tag, umm...you're such a great guy and we have sooo much fun together but I don't-I don't... [Tag Jones] Wait! I think I see where you're going, but before you say anything else, can I just say one more thing? [Rachel Green] Well said. And a uh good example of the fun I was referring to uhh, but I just think I'm past the point where I think I can y'know, just have fun. [Tag Jones] Rachel, don't do this. This is just because you're turning thirty. [Rachel Green] Yeah, it is! But you're just a kid! I mean you're 25! [Tag Jones] Twenty-four actually. [Rachel Green] Oh God! Y'know what I wish? I wish you were six years older. Well actually, if I'm wishin' for stuff, I actually wish I was six years younger. [Tag Jones] Me too. [Rachel Green] Yeah, I'm sorry. [Chandler Bing] Hey! How'd it go? [Rachel Green] Oh, if I only want two kids, can I keep him for another year? [Phoebe Buffay] You did the right thing. [Joey Tribbiani] I don't like this anymore. [Chandler Bing] Well, here we are, just a bunch of thirty year olds. [Ross Geller] God, do you realize in ten years we're gonna be 40? [Joey Tribbiani] Why God?! Why are you doing this to us?! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Yes! My baby's finally free! [Joey Tribbiani] All-all right! Start it up! Let's go! [Ross Geller] Woohoo! [The Man In The Sportscar] How hot are we? [Ross Geller] You wanna buy a car? [Joey Tribbiani] No.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e14", "title": "The One Where They All Turn Thirty"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Joey's New Brain [Monica Geller] I'm glad you're here, we have a couple of things to ask you about the wedding ceremony. [Rachel Green] Ohh... [Ross Geller] What's the matter? You okay? [Rachel Green] Yeah, it's just y'know... [Chandler Bing] Monica said wedding. [Monica Geller] Uh, so anyway, we thought one of you could read something during the ceremony. [Rachel Green] Oh! I would love to read a poem. [Chandler Bing] Do you think you could get through a poem? [Rachel Green] It'll be a short one. [Monica Geller] Okay, so Ross will be doing the reading. [Rachel Green] Ohhh... [Ross Geller] Okay. Yeah, I guess, I guess I could do that too. [Chandler Bing] Too? [Ross Geller] Yeah, I kind of uh, have something else planned for you guys. [Monica Geller] Do you mind telling us what it is? [Ross Geller] Sorry, I'm kinda keeping this one on the Q.T. [Chandler Bing] Well, whatever it is, I hope it involves winking. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [#ALL#] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] So I just talked to one of the DOOL writers today, and... [Monica Geller] What is DOOL? [Joey Tribbiani] Days Of Our Lives. Anyway, you're not gonna believe it! My character is coming out of his coma!! [#ALL#] Oh!! [Chandler Bing] That's great! [Joey Tribbiani] And-and-and not only that, I'm gettin' a new brain!! [Chandler Bing] So great things are happening at work and in your personal life! [Rachel Green] Wait, what do you mean you're getting a new brain? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh well, they're killing off one of the characters on the show, and when she dies her brain is being transplanted into my body. [Ross Geller] What? A brain transplant?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yes, it's a highly controversial procedure. [Ross Geller] It's ridiculous! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I think it's ridiculous that you haven't had sex in three and a half months. [Ross Geller] It's winter, they are fewer people on the street. [Monica Geller] Who are they killing off? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh Cecilia Monroe, she plays Jessica Lockhart. [Monica Geller] Noo!! [Monica Geller] She's my favorite character on DOOL. [Joey Tribbiani] Nice. [Rachel Green] She is so good at throwing drinks in people's faces, I mean I don't think I've ever seen her finish a beverage. [Monica Geller] And the way she slaps all the time! [Rachel Green] Oh! [Monica Geller] Wouldn't you love to do it just once?! [Chandler Bing] Don't do it. [Rachel Green] Cecilia Monroe man, what a great actress. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, tell me about it. And she's been on the show forever, it's gonna be really hard to fill her shoes. [Ross Geller] Yeah-yeah, help me out here, when you come out of the "brain transplant," you are going to be her? [Joey Tribbiani] Yes, but in Drake Remoray's body. Why is this so hard for you to get? I thought you were a scientist! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Rach, so, that guy there. Straight or gay? [Rachel Green] Well, I'd have to say gay. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? Why? [Rachel Green] Well mainly because he's kissing that other guy. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no not that guy there. That guy right there. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah he's too cute to be straight. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh knockers will help us figure it out. [Rachel Green] All right, straight, and not subtle. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, he left his cell phone. [Rachel Green] Oh, well, we can hand it to Gunther and he'll put it in lost and found. [Phoebe Buffay] Or we could use it to call China. See how those guys are doing. [Rachel Green] What if, um, if he calls his own cell phone to find out who found it and I answer and we start talking and we fell in love. I mean wouldn't that be a great story? Kind of like a fairy tale for the digital age. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah... That does sound great. I'm going to get the phone. [Rachel Green] What? Wait! Why...why do you get the story? [Phoebe Buffay] I don't know. I haven't been out on a date in so long. [Rachel Green] Phoebe, you had a date three days ago. [Phoebe Buffay] That wasn't a date! That was, that was just friends getting together... having sex. [Rachel Green] Okay. Okay, see? I get the phone. [Phoebe Buffay] No way! No way! You just broke with Tag a week ago. [Rachel Green] Yeah! And until now, I didn't think I'd love again. [Phoebe Buffay] Nice try. [Rachel Green] Oh hey-hey wait! How do we fairly decide who gets the phone? [Phoebe Buffay] I don't know. [Rachel Green] Well umm, maybe we could uhh... Ah-ha! Too slow!! [Phoebe Buffay] Ah-ha! Too cocky! --------------------------------------- [Dina] I'm going to keep dating him Mother, and there's nothing you can do about it! [Jessica Lockhart] Oh yes there is! [Dina] What are you going to do? Kill him? Like you did with Charles?! [Jessica Lockhart] That was an accident! And so were you. [Dina] Well, at least I'm not a murderer! [Jessica Lockhart] Oh, my baby! [The Director] Cut! [Joey Tribbiani] That was a great scene! And-and-and that slap looks so real! How do you do that? [Cecilia] Oh, just years of experience. [Dina] Can I get some ice here?! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh anyway, I just wanted to say how wonderful I think you are. [Cecilia] You're not the fan who's dying are you? [Joey Tribbiani] Say what? [Cecilia] I'm supposed to meet and hug a fan whose dying, but that's not supposed to be until later! [Joey Tribbiani] No. No, I'm Joey Tribbiani; we did a scene together yesterday. I-I'm the guy in the coma! [Cecilia] Oh that was a real person?! [Joey Tribbiani] An-an-anyway I-I just wanted to say that since I'm getting your brain when you leave the show, I was wondering if there was any tips you can give me... [Cecilia] I-I-I'm leaving the show? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know. Why? Did you hear something? [Cecilia] Who told you that? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh uh, one of the writers. [Cecilia] Which one? Was it bald or was it tall? [Joey Tribbiani] Umm... [Cecilia] Y'know what? It doesn't matter! Because it is not true! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Cecilia] And if it were true, how dare you come to me ask me for tips about a character that I've been playing for 20 years-I'll give you a tip! [Joey Tribbiani] Ms. Monroe... Oh there you go. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] No Phoebe! You cannot get the phone that way; that's not fair! Okay look, I have an idea. Why don't we, why don't we see what kind of number he has on his speed dial, and then from that we can tell who has more in common with him. And then whoever does gets the phone. [Phoebe Buffay] Or, we can decide by whose ever name is closer to the word phone. [Rachel Green] I don't think so. [Phoebe Buffay] Fine all right, but I'd bet you'd be singing another tune if we were fighting over a ratchet. [Rachel Green] All right, first name on the speed dial is mom. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, I lost my mom to suicide. [Rachel Green] Okay no way, you cannot use that to get the cute guy and the last blueberry muffin. [Phoebe Buffay] Did I use that already today? I'm sorry. [Rachel Green] Yes okay. Well now see this isn't telling us anything. Joe. Carlos. Peter. Ooh! Peter Luger! T hat's a steak house! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, a meat eater. Fine, that's one for you. [Rachel Green] Oh, I win! He's got Barney's on his speed dial. [Phoebe Buffay] So you don't know that's Barney's the store! That can be y'know his friend's house, or a bar. Who has Barney's the store on their speed dial? [Rachel Green] His new girlfriend! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] What is that? [Chandler Bing] I think it's the dying cat parade. [Monica Geller] It sounds like it's coming from across the street. [Chandler Bing] Oh my God! [Monica Geller] What? [Chandler Bing] Y'know that thing that Ross was gonna do at our wedding?! He was hanging out with me yesterday and he turned to me and said, "You're half Scottish right?" [Monica Geller] Nooo!! [Chandler Bing] Yes!! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] No, there is no way! It can not be Ross! Unbelievable! Why is your family Scottish?! [Chandler Bing] Why is your family Ross?! [Monica Geller] He cannot play at our wedding! I mean everyone will leave! I mean come on, that is just noise! It's not even a song! [Chandler Bing] If you listen very carefully, I think its Celebration by Cool and the Gang. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi Pheebs! [Phoebe Buffay] Hi! [Rachel Green] How are ya? [Phoebe Buffay] Good. [Rachel Green] Umm Pheebs, remember when we were in the coffee house we decided that I was going to keep the uh, the cute guy's cell phone? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. [Rachel Green] And remember how I said I was going to keep it in my purse so that if it rang I could just pick it up? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! [Rachel Green] And do you remember going into my purse and stealing the phone?! [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, now you lost me. [Rachel Green] You stole the phone! [Phoebe Buffay] No I didn't! [Rachel Green] No? So you're saying that if I called it, it wouldn't ring? [Phoebe Buffay] No. [Rachel Green] Umm, okay. But while you dial, let me show you the features of my new ringing handbag. Oh, it does work! [Rachel Green] Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] That is a different phone. [Rachel Green] Oh is it?! Uhh, hello? Yes hi, is Rachel there? Yes she is, just one moment please. It's for me! [Phoebe Buffay] That is damning evidence. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! I bet that's him. My digital fairy tale is about to begin. I wonder how I should be? Should I be uh Hello? Or should I be Hi! It's Rach... Would you stop doing that?! [Phoebe Buffay] Hello? Yes, I'm the one who found your phone. [Rachel Green] Phoebe! You can't do th... [Phoebe Buffay] Shhh! I'm on a call! Umm well yeah, you can pick it up tonight, say 8:30? At-at my apartment. It's umm, it's umm 5 Morton Street, Apartment 14, umm and then maybe y'know after we can grab a bite to eat or whatever. Okay, well okay I'll see you then. Bye. [Rachel Green] You do know that I will be here when he comes over. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh? And how will you know what time to come over? [Rachel Green] You just said it! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. Okay, well I-I was kinda hoping that I would just...be alone y'know to think about my mom and her suicide. [Rachel Green] Oh Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] What?! That's the first time today! [Rachel Green] Ohh! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] So you like the nachos uh? Myself I'm partial to... [Dina] I'm 16. [Joey Tribbiani] See you in 2003. [Cecilia] You're absolutely right they are writing me out of the show. They don't know exactly when it's going to happen, but apparently going to be very soon and that's it. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm so sorry. Look, if it was up to me you would never leave the show. [Cecilia] Yeah, thanks. [Joey Tribbiani] No I mean it! I can't believe they would do this to you! And to your fans! I mean they are going to be devastated! Heart broken! They love you so much! [Cecilia] Oh you're right. Thank you! What's your name again? [Joey Tribbiani] Joey. [Cecilia] Joey, well thank you. That is so sweet. Oh, excuse me. [The Writer] It wasn't my decision! [Cecilia] I'm having a conversation here! You were saying? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh yeah-ye-ye-ye-ye-ye-l-l-l-l-l-look the-the-the only reason that I, that I came up to you before was because well, I'm really nervous about-about being you. Y'know if you can help me capture the essence of the character. Y'know? Help me keep Jessica alive. Please? [Cecilia] All right Joey, I will help you. Not because I-I owe it to this stupid show, but because I owe it to Jessica. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh that's great! Oh thank you so much! [Cecilia] You're so welcome. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Now, I've been watching some tapes, how's this? "Jessica Lockhart will never step foot in this place again! Ever!!" [Cecilia] Is that supposed to be me? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Cecilia] Yeah but Jessica doesn't have an English accent. [Joey Tribbiani] I can do an English accent?! That baby's going on my resume! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Well, I feel like a snack! [Monica Geller] Do you want some shortbread? Eh that's Scottish like you are. [Chandler Bing] Oh no thanks. I don't like any thing from my Scottish heritage. [Ross Geller] What?! [Chandler Bing] Well it's just my entire family was run out of Scotland by...Vikings. Anyway, lots of bad memories. [Ross Geller] Oh well, it sounds to me like your family is ready to uh, rediscover its Scottish roots. [Monica Geller] No! No-no they're not. They're still very angry! But y'know Chandler is also half-Swedish. You know what the Swedish people are famous for? Sitting down and being quiet. [Ross Geller] Well yeah-yeah the Scottish history is so much more... [Monica Geller] You can not play bagpipes at the wedding!! [Ross Geller] How did you know about that?! [Chandler Bing] We heard you play all the way from your apartment! [Ross Geller] Were you the ones called the cops?! [Chandler Bing] That's not really important right now. What is important is; while we appreciate the gesture, we just don't feel bagpipes are appropriate for our wedding. [Ross Geller] Why not? [Chandler Bing] Because we hate them. [Ross Geller] Come on that's not fair! I mean you haven't even heard me play! [Chandler Bing] We have heard you play. [Ross Geller] No, you've heard my practice. Okay? Just-just give me a chance to perform for you and then decide whatever you want. And I'm not going to tell you what song I'm gonna play either. But uh, let's just say when it's over I'll bet there will be a we bit o' celebration. --------------------------------------- [Cecilia] So, the essence of the character is rooted in her confidence. So, when Jessica enters a room for instance, she owns everything and every person in that room. You try. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay! All right! [Cecilia] No, he already knows that he owns everything in the room! He's not finding it out for the first time! So, try it again. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. Okay. [Cecilia] Right. He's not angry at the room either. Try it again, he owns it! He owns the room. It is his. He owns, owns, owns, owns the room! He owns it!! All right, it's a little weird, but it's getting better. Oh well, I'm gonna miss this woman so much. I don't know what I'm going to do! I mean, it's been 20 years of my life. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh well-Hey-hey! Maybe, maybe uh, maybe this is a good thing. Y'know? It'll-it'll give you a chance to shake things up, play different characters. You're so talented. [Cecilia] I am. I am, but I don't know you know. An actor of a certain age is not that easy. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey that's not true! Look at uh, look at Angela Lansb-Angelina Jolie! [Cecilia] I probably should've just left years ago when the offers were pouring in, but y'know I just got so comfy here! And... Ohh, I turned down some amazing work! [Joey Tribbiani] Like-like what? [Cecilia] Well, let's just say if I left 15 years ago, the landscape of Mexican cinema would be very different today! [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! [Cecilia] But... Well now, now's a different time for me. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh hey come on, don't-don't-don't do this! Umm, look let-let me tell you something, okay? Now when I watch you do a scene, I'm thinking, "Boy, she-she is a great actress!" Uh but-but, I am also thinking, "She is hot!" [Cecilia] You think I'm hot? [Joey Tribbiani] You own the room. We should probably get-get uh... [Cecilia] Oh yeah-yeah, we should get the... So when Jessica kisses a man, she usually puts umm, both her hands on the man's face. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah-yeah, I noticed that! Is that 'cause she's so passionate? [Cecilia] No! It's because that way the camera only sees her! Do you wanna try it? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Okay. [Cecilia] That was good, that was really good. But I-I think your hands maybe a little off, they should be maybe right like... --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey! Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Who is it? [Guy] Hi! It's Tom, I'm here to pick up the phone. [Phoebe Buffay] Whoa! Why do you get to answer the door? [Rachel Green] Well why shouldn't I?! [Phoebe Buffay] Because it's my apartment! [Rachel Green] Well, then I get to give him the cell phone. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. All right. Good luck explaining all the calls to China. [Tom] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! How long were we arguing for? [Rachel Green] You're not the man who left the cell phone. [Tom] No that's my assistant. [Rachel Green] Is-is he coming? [Tom] Umm, no. [Phoebe Buffay] Could you-could you umm, give us one second? [Tom] Sure! [Rachel Green] We'll be right back sir. [Tom] Sure. [Phoebe Buffay] Wh-what do we do? [Rachel Green] I don't know! [Phoebe Buffay] Can you believe this? We were waiting for a hot guy and then an even hotter one shows up! [Rachel Green] I know! What?! [Phoebe Buffay] Hmm, they just don't make 'em like that anymore! [Rachel Green] No-no they do but, you just have to wait. [Phoebe Buffay] Rachel, listen-I mean, if you let me have him then I will really owe you one. [Rachel Green] All right. All right Phoebe I will let you have him, but you owe me; you owe me big! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! You're such a great friend! [Rachel Green] Ohh... [Tom] So, which one of you lovely ladies am I going to take to dinner huh? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh that'd be me. Sir. After you. [Tom] Okay. Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Nice! --------------------------------------- [Cecilia] Well, you certainly own that room. [Joey Tribbiani] Actually I rent the whole place and, I just got what you meant. Thank you. [Rachel Green] Hi. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Oh my God!! Ohh, Jessica Lockhart!! In my apartment!! I am such a huge fan! I am such a huge fan! [Cecilia] Well, it's nice to know that you... [Rachel Green] MONICA!!!! MONICA!!!! [Joey Tribbiani] That uh, that is my roommate Rachel. [Cecilia] Oh that explains all the women's underwear. [Joey Tribbiani] Sure. Yep. [Monica Geller] Oh my God! It's true!! Oh my God you are so amazing! Oh my God, can I just ask you to do me oh, just one favor? [Cecilia] Certainly. [Monica Geller] Would you slap me? Would you slap me right here in the face?! [Cecilia] I'd love to, but my lawyer said I can't do that anymore. [Rachel Green] God. You seem really, really nice. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, bye-bye. [Rachel Green] I mean n-not-not fake at all like most famous people. [Joey Tribbiani] All right, here we go. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Monica Geller] Oh wait, just one more thing! One more minute! Umm, you're a stupid bitch. [Cecilia] I really can't slap you. [Rachel Green] You are so beautiful. [Monica Geller] Nice to meet you! My God you're great! [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks for stopping by. See ya! I-I am so sorry. I... [Cecilia] Oh no-no-no-no, being adored. I'm used to it, don't worry about it. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God! [Cecilia] What? [Joey Tribbiani] They sent me today's script! They never send the script! [Cecilia] They don't? [Joey Tribbiani] Well no, I'm just in a coma. This must mean I have lines! Oh... [Cecilia] How does it happen? [Joey Tribbiani] Ew, you get thrown from a horse into an electric fence. [Cecilia] Ah what?! Jessica hates horses! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah well, I'm guessing after this she's not going to be crazy about electricity either. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] ...now remember you have to imagine me in a kilt. [Rachel Green] I can imagine you in a short plaid skirt and knee socks. [Ross Geller] Do you wanna start telling secrets? [Rachel Green] No! [Ross Geller] Now umm, remember I'm still learning. [Ross Geller] One, two, three, four! [Ross Geller] You know the song! Sing along! [Ross Geller] So? [Chandler Bing] No! --------------------------------------- [Dina] Loosening the saddle on mother's horse was brilliant Fredrick. And the electric fence, inspired. [Fredrick] Thank you sweetheart. [Dina] I can't believe she's really gone. Look around you, all of this is ours. [Joey Tribbiani] I don't think so. [Dina] Who are you?! [Jessica Lockhart] What's the matter Dina? Don't you recognize your own mother?! [The Director] Cut! That was great everybody! Thank you! [Cecilia] That was so wonderful! Ohh, I think that you're a better Jessica than I ever was! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh noo... [Cecilia] Well of course not, but you were very good. [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks! [Cecilia] And guess what? Good news! I got another job! [Joey Tribbiani] Great! Hey! All right! Well-well what is it?! [Cecilia] A film in Guadalajara! [Joey Tribbiani] The airport? [Cecilia] No that's La Guardia. This is Mexico. [Joey Tribbiani] Ohh. Wow! Well how-how, how will you be gone? [Cecilia] Eight months. [Joey Tribbiani] That's a really long time. [Cecilia] Yeah, but you can come and visit me. I bet that you could uh, own a few places down there. [Joey Tribbiani] Well I tell ya, I should probably buy a place in the city first. And I just got what you meant again-That is-I tell ya, that is a tricky one! [Cecilia] That is a tricky one. Well, Joey I really wanna thank you. You've, well you made a very difficult time for me a little less painful. [Joey Tribbiani] Good luck. [Cecilia] You too. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] You know the song! Sing along! [Phoebe Buffay] Eeee!!! Eee!! Eee!! [Matthew Perry] Eee!! [Lisa Kudrow] Do it again!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e15", "title": "The One With Joey's New Brain"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Truth About London [Ross Geller] Hi. [Rachel Green] Hi! Hi Ben! [Ben Geller] Hi. [Ross Geller] Hi, we have a little bathroom emergency. [Rachel Green] Oh, yeah go ahead. [Ross Geller] Uh, before we do uh, are any of Joey's special romance magazines in there? [Rachel Green] No. No. [Ross Geller] Okay! All clear! [Ben Geller] Thanks Phoebe! [Rachel Green] Ben, its Rachel! But whatever. [Ross Geller] Everything okay in there? [Ben Geller] Don't talk to me now! [Rachel Green] Awww, just like his daddy. [Ross Geller] Hey listen can you do me a big favor? The dean's office just called and said there was an urgent meeting. Can you watch Ben for like an hour? [Rachel Green] What-what about Monica? [Ross Geller] Oh, she isn't home. [Rachel Green] So it would just be, me alone? [Ross Geller] Well, Ben would be there. [Rachel Green] Huh umm... [Ross Geller] What's the matter? [Rachel Green] Well that-y'know it's just uh, I've never done that before. Me and him alone. [Ross Geller] Rach, he's not an ex-con. [Rachel Green] Okay. Okay. Okay. Uh, what do I, what do I do with him? [Ross Geller] I don't know! Just-just talk to him-entertain him and keep him alive. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Ross Geller] Okay. Ben? Come here. All right, I'm gonna leave you here with Aunt Rachel for about an hour. Okay? Are you gonna be okay? [Rachel Green] Yeah I think so. [Ross Geller] I wasn't talking to you. [Ben Geller] I'll be okay. [Ross Geller] Okay, I'll see you soon buddy. Be back in an hour. [Ben Geller] Bye dad. [Rachel Green] Bye. Ahhh... So this is fun, huh? [Ben Geller] Not really. [Rachel Green] Okay. Uh, want something-want something to drink? [Ben Geller] Okay. [Rachel Green] Uh great! How do you feel about Diet Coke? [Ben Geller] I'm not allowed to have soda. [Rachel Green] Okay. Well that's pretty much all that we have-Oh! Oh! Have you ever had a virgin margarita? [Ben Geller] What's a virgin? [Rachel Green] Water it is. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] What about the second minister we meet with? I kinda liked him. [Chandler Bing] You mean the spitter? [Monica Geller] Come on! It wasn't that bad! [Chandler Bing] Easy for you to say; you'll be wearing a veil. [Monica Geller] All right, what about the third guy? [Chandler Bing] You mean the guy who kept staring at your chest? [Monica Geller] Can you blame him? [Chandler Bing] Sorry, I just don't like the idea of when I say, "I do," he's thinking, "Yeah, I'd do her too!" [Monica Geller] Well then we still have a problem. [Chandler Bing] Yeah! [Phoebe Buffay] With what? [Monica Geller] Well, we're trying to find someone to perform our wedding and they're all either boring or annoying or y'know, can't stop staring at the ladies. [Phoebe Buffay] Oo! You should have one of us do it! [Monica Geller] Phoebe, we're getting married, married; not sixth grade married. [Phoebe Buffay] No! No! It's-it's uh a real thing! Anyone can get ordained on the Internet and perform like weddings and stuff! [Monica Geller] Are you serious? [Phoebe Buffay] Yes! A friend of mine did it and it's totally legal! [Joey Tribbiani] I call it!! [Phoebe Buffay] What?! No! It was my idea! [Chandler Bing] Guys thank you very much but neither of you is marrying us. [Joey Tribbiani] Does calling it not mean anything anymore?! [Chandler Bing] We are going to have a legitimate member of the clergy! And when I say legitimate I mean, gay and in control of his saliva! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ben y'know when uh, when you were a baby, you and I used to hang out all the time. 'Cause I was, I was your daddy's girlfriend. [Ben Geller] But you're not anymore! [Rachel Green] No, I'm not. [Ben Geller] 'Cause you guys were on a break. [Rachel Green] Hey! We were not on a-Okay. That's fine! Fine. Y'know what Ben? One day when you are a lot older I am going to tell you that entire story over a pitcher of real margaritas, okay? [Ben Geller] When's my daddy coming back? [Rachel Green] Fifty-two minutes. So no-no brothers and sisters, huh? That must be nice. You don't have to share stuff. [Ben Geller] Sharing is good. [Rachel Green] Oh, you're one of those. But y'know what? I have two sisters of my own and we just-just tortured each other. [Ben Geller] Really? Like how? [Rachel Green] Well y'know, we would umm, repeat everything the other said, or uh, we'd jump out of closets to scare each other, or switch the sugar for the salt so they'd put salt on their cereal. [Ben Geller] That's a good one. [Rachel Green] Yeah? You like that one? [Ben Geller] Yeah, you're funny. [Rachel Green] I'm funny? Oh thank God! Well hey, I've got a ton of these! Umm, oh hear-Do you want a good one? Here's a good one. Umm, you uh, you take a quarter, take a quarter and, and you blacken the edge. Right? And then you say to person, I bet you can't roll this quarter from your forehead to your chin without it leaving your face. And then when they do it, they're left with a big black pencil line right down the center of their face. [Ben Geller] Can I do it to you? [Rachel Green] Yeah, I-I-I-I'm funny Ben, but I'm not stupid. Okay? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] So, did you uh, find anyone to marry you guys yet? [Chandler Bing] No, but Horny for Monica Minister called, wanting to know if we were still together. [Monica Geller] We're never gonna find anybody. [Joey Tribbiani] Well then let me do it! [Chandler Bing] Joe... [Joey Tribbiani] No-no-no! Look, I've been thinking about it. I'm an actor right? So I won't get nervous talking in front of people. [Monica Geller] Joey look it's really sweet... [Joey Tribbiani] No-no-no-no look no! I won't spit, and I won't stare at Monica's breasts! Y'know? Everyone knows I'm an ass man! [Monica Geller] That is true. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah and the most important thing is that it won't be some like, stranger up there who barely knows you. It'll be me! And I swear I'll do a really good job. Plus, y'know I love you guys and-and it would really mean a lot to me. [Chandler Bing] Y'know, we haven't found anybody else. [Monica Geller] It might be kinda cool. [Joey Tribbiani] So I can do it? [Chandler Bing] Yeah you can do it. [Joey Tribbiani] All right!!! Okay!! All right! Okay-okay, I gotta get started on my speech! Oh, wait a minute, Internet ministers can still have sex right? [Chandler Bing] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Monica Geller] Hey Pheebs, how's it going? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I have a headache. A horrible headache! [Monica Geller] Oh, I'm sorry. Can I get you something? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God, you've got to stop chattering! [Monica Geller] Here, take a couple of these. [Phoebe Buffay] What is it? [Monica Geller] It's Hexadrin. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no, I don't believe in Western medicine. No, if you just apply pressure to these points right here. Then your hand starts to hurt and you still have a headache, so thanks. [Monica Geller] Okay, while we're waiting for these pills to kick in, I'm gonna sit you down on the couch. Come on. Get some nice soft pillows under your head, I'm gonna turn the TV on and you can watch whatever you want. And I'm-Sit down--gonna make you some tea. And then, I'm gonna rub your feet. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh! My head! Oh! Oh! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Coming. [Ross Geller] I have a bone to pick with you. [Rachel Green] Uh-oh. [Ross Geller] Yes! Ben learned a little trick. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah? Did he pull the old... [Ross Geller] That's right! That's right! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat so the pee goes everywhere! [Rachel Green] Oh that. [Ross Geller] Yeah that! You know I hate practical jokes! They're mean and they're stupid and-and I don't want my son learning them! [Rachel Green] Oh, come on! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat, you don't think that's just a little funny?! [Ross Geller] I was barefoot. Now tell me, the toilet thing is the only thing you taught him right? [Rachel Green] Yes. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] It's amazing! My headache is completely gone! What are those pills called? [Monica Geller] Hexadrin. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I love you Hexadrin! Oh look! It comes with a story! [Monica Geller] No Phoebe, those are like the side affects and stuff. [Phoebe Buffay] Say what? [Monica Geller] Y'know, the possible side affects. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! Dizziness, nervousness, drowsiness, facial swelling, nausea, headache-Headache. Vomiting, stomach bleeding, liver damage! Now okay, I don't recall any of this coming up when you gave me these little death capsules! Oh I'm sorry, extra strength death capsules! [Monica Geller] Phoebe, relax none of that stuff ever happens! They just put it on there for legal reasons! [Phoebe Buffay] Why? [Monica Geller] In case it happens. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Say hello to Reverend Joey Tribbiani! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Monica Geller] You did it! You got ordained?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I just got off the Internet! Man, there is a lot of porn out there! [Chandler Bing] Our minister... [Phoebe Buffay] I have liver damage. Ow! Oh! [Monica Geller] Phoebe, your liver is right here. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, then I must be disoriented. [Joey Tribbiani] Anyway, I started working on what I'm going to say for the ceremony, do you wanna hear it? [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] Yeah! [Joey Tribbiani] Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so... "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." Eh? "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." "We too can share and love and have and receive." [Chandler Bing] Should we call the spitter? --------------------------------------- [Carol Willick] Hey Rachel! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Carol Willick] What a nice surprise! What are you doing here? [Rachel Green] Well y'know I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and I thought to myself, "What's up with Carol and sweet, little Ben?" [Carol Willick] Can I ask what-Come on in. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Carol Willick] Umm uh, I'll make some coffee and we can uh, chat. [Rachel Green] I'd love that. I would loooove... So uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little... [Ben Geller] Gotcha!! [Rachel Green] I found him! Very funny, come here! That is exactly why I've come here to talk to you okay? [Carol Willick] Rach, do you want some sugar in your coffee? [Rachel Green] Yes oh--Do I want sugar in my coffee? No, just some milk would be good Carol. Thanks. Okay, do you remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday? [Ben Geller] Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday? [Rachel Green] Don't do that. [Ben Geller] Don't do that. [Rachel Green] Seriously, your dad doesn't like pranks. [Ben Geller] Seriously, your dad doesn't like pranks. [Rachel Green] Oh damnit! [Ben Geller] Oh damnit! [Rachel Green] No! Don't say that! Don't say that! [Ben Geller] Damnit! [Rachel Green] No don't! Go back to repeating! [Ben Geller] Damnit! [Rachel Green] Oh crap! [Ben Geller] Oh crap! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] I feel like my face is swelling. Is my face swelling? [Monica Geller] Phoebe, your face is fine! Come on, none of this stuff is going to happen to you! Stop being such a baby! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, interesting you should call me that! Now that I may never have one! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay you guys, I got a little more written. Are you ready? [Chandler Bing] Yeah. O-okay. [Joey Tribbiani] "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I can not help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving and..." And then I can't think of a good word for right here. [Monica Geller] How about receiving? [Joey Tribbiani] Yes! [Chandler Bing] See Joe, not that that's not grrreat! But, one of the cool things about having somebody we know perform the ceremony is that it can be about us! Y'know, it can be more personal. You can tell stories about us! [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh, like the time you and I went to Atlantic City and I made you laugh so hard you threw up your whole steak?! Remember? [Chandler Bing] No, not us... Us! [Monica Geller] I gotcha. Sorry. So, did you ever make him throw up a whole anything? [Phoebe Buffay] Did you ever feed him a poison capsule that made him bleed from the eyes? [Monica Geller] It doesn't say that! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Suddenly somebody knows all about the side affects! [Chandler Bing] See Joe, we want you to tell stories but y'know, romantic stories. Nice stories. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh. Okay. Ooh! Ooh! Okay, maybe I'll talk about London! Y'know when you two hooked up! Only, only I won't say hooked up. I'll say, "Began their beautiful journey..." [Monica Geller] There you go! [Joey Tribbiani] "...by doin' it." [Chandler Bing] Joe? [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. All right. Umm, so uh, so how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room? And then the next thing y'know you're in the bathtub together and she's feeding you strawberries? [Chandler Bing] Isn't that what happened with you and the bride's maid? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah!! I call that London style. [Monica Geller] No that is not what happened with us. Well, I was umm, I was really sad that night because this guy that I was Ross's mom. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh. [Monica Geller] And then Chandler was, was really sweet and he consoled me. And well we drank too much... [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah baby! [Chandler Bing] And I was a perfect gentleman and I walked her to her hotel room and said goodnight. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh. [Chandler Bing] But then later that night... [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah baby! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Monica Geller] Cute PJ's! You're really livin' it up here in London huh? [Chandler Bing] Well I was... I was exactly expecting company after... 9:15. [Monica Geller] Is Joey here? [Chandler Bing] Well, last time I saw him he was heading out the door with the bride's maid and a bucket of strawberries. So uh, you're not still upset about what that guy told ya are ya? [Monica Geller] Wouldn't you be? [Chandler Bing] Well, look it's been a really emotional time y'know, and you've had a lot to drink. And you've just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight! [Monica Geller] Really? [Chandler Bing] You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms... Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out? [Monica Geller] Well, not anymore. [Chandler Bing] But we don't do that. [Monica Geller] I know, I just thought it would be fun. [Chandler Bing] How drunk are you? [Monica Geller] Drunk enough to know that I want to do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage. [Chandler Bing] That's the perfect amount! [Monica Geller] Okay! [Monica Geller] Y'know what's weird? [Chandler Bing] What? [Monica Geller] This doesn't feel weird! [Chandler Bing] I know. [Monica Geller] You're a really good kisser. [Chandler Bing] Well, I have kissed over four women. Do you wanna get under the covers? [Monica Geller] Hm-hmm! [Chandler Bing] Okay! [Monica Geller] Wow! You are really fast! [Chandler Bing] It bodes well for me that speed impresses you. [Monica Geller] We're gonna see each other naked. [Chandler Bing] Yep! [Monica Geller] Do you wanna do it at the same time? [Chandler Bing] Count of three? [Monica Geller] One! [Chandler Bing] Two! [Monica Geller] Two! [Chandler Bing] Three! [Chandler Bing] Well I think it's safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined. [Monica Geller] Eh, we weren't that close anyway! [Chandler Bing] Eh! [Chandler Bing] Joey! Joey! Joey! J-J-Joey-Joey-J-Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey Joe! I was just watching a movie-e-e... [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, dude I'm so sorry! [Chandler Bing] No! No! No! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey no-no-no-no! It's cool! It's cool! I-I'll only be a second, I'm still with my bride's maid, I just-Where are those condoms you brought? [Chandler Bing] They're in my bag over there. [Joey Tribbiani] Ah. [Chandler Bing] Uh, could you leave me one? [Joey Tribbiani] For just you? [Chandler Bing] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey listen, why don't you come downstairs with me? There's some really nice girls down there. [Chandler Bing] No I-I-I'm fine. [Joey Tribbiani] All right, here you go buddy. Go nuts. [Joey Tribbiani] That's what that was?! 'Cause that other thing? I thought you were on to something, but it did nothing for me. [Monica Geller] Okay, can we change the topic? Because it's really doing nothing for me. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh... Can you imagine if I hadn't left you that last one? You two might've never gotten together. Ooh-ooh! Could you imagine if I sent that hooker up to the room like I was gonna?! It's like it was in the stars! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, it's totally meant to be. Tell him who you originally wanted to hook up with that night. [Monica Geller] What?! [Chandler Bing] What? [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Chandler Bing] Who did you originally want to hook up with? [Monica Geller] Okay, fine but please don't be upset! Okay? I was really depressed okay? And really drunk! I just wanted something stupid and meaningless. I just wanted...just sex. So, when I...went to your room that night...I was actually looking...for Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah baby! No baby! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] So you came to the room looking for Joey? Did you ever in-intend on telling me about this? [Monica Geller] No because it-it didn't seem important. [Chandler Bing] Oh, it's not important? It's not important?! If it wasn't for a bride's maid you'd be marrying him not me! [Monica Geller] Noo!! The point is that is was you that was there that night! It is you that I am marrying! It is you that I feel in love with! [Joey Tribbiani] And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv- [Chandler Bing] I don't believe it. The most romantic night of my life and I'm runner up. [Monica Geller] Chandler, please! Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that Joey was not there that night?! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Now I'm a man of the cloth, but I still have feelings! [Chandler Bing] Look there is no way you're doing this wedding now. Okay? [Joey Tribbiani] What?! That's not fair! It's not my fault! I was off with my bride's maid! And who's to say I would've even said yes?! I mean I would've said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way to big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay! [Chandler Bing] Okay, it's just weird! Okay? I don't want to be standing their saying my vows and then having the mental image of you and Monica! I-I-I need...I don't know what I need. I need a walk. [Monica Geller] Wait Chandler come on, let's-it's not a big deal! [Chandler Bing] It is to me. You wanted to sleep with Batman, and instead you had to settle for Robin. [Joey Tribbiani] This is crazy. [Phoebe Buffay] I know! Robin is so gay! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] So now what have we agreed? [Ben Geller] No more pranks. [Rachel Green] And-and what else? [Ben Geller] That you and daddy were not on a break. [Rachel Green] Very good. [Ross Geller] Rachel! What are you doing here? [Rachel Green] I'm just visiting my good friend Carol. [Ross Geller] Your good friend? [Rachel Green] Yeah! [Ross Geller] What's her last name? [Rachel Green] Carol...Lesbian? [Ross Geller] Nice. And by the way that uh, that line down my face? [Rachel Green] What line? [Ross Geller] Wh-wh-what line? The line that prompted a student in my last class of the day to say uh, "Dude, don't you ever was your face?" [Rachel Green] All right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but you were so mad already! [Ross Geller] Of course I was mad! I told you I-I hate this stuff! Okay? It-it's not funny! [Carol Willick] Hey Ross! [Ross Geller] Hi. [Carol Willick] What's not funny? [Ross Geller] Practical jokes. [Carol Willick] Oh I...I think they're funny. [Ross Geller] You have a line down your face. [Carol Willick] What? [Rachel Green] Okay, maybe they are not funny to you... [Carol Willick] Oh my God! [Rachel Green] Or Carol! But they're funny to kids and who is it hurting?! [Ross Geller] Uh, y'know what? I'll tell you who it hurts! It hurts the kid who has all his clothes stolen in gym class so he has to go to the principal's office wearing nothing but a catcher's mitt! [Rachel Green] That was you?! We heard about you in Junior High! Did you really just shake your fist in the air and shout, "I will be revenged?!" [Ross Geller] I will be! Listen, I don't want you teaching my son that stuff anymore. Okay? [Rachel Green] Fine. Fine, but I'll have you know that once I taught him that stuff he called me Fun Aunt Rachel. And I loved being Fun Aunt Rachel but I'll go back to being Boring and Uncomfortable Aunt Rachel if that's what you want! [Ross Geller] No that's not what I want. Uh, I'm glad you guys were bonding but I... [Rachel Green] Look he doesn't have any brothers or sisters, somebody's gonna have to teach him this stuff! And I haven't taught him anything that a normal 6-year-old doesn't know anyway! [Ben Geller] Crap!! [Rachel Green] I gotta go! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Chandler Bing] Hey. Do you want this scone? It came for me but it would probably rather sleep with you! [Joey Tribbiani] Chandler, come on nothing even happened! [Chandler Bing] Look Joe, I know you wanted to do the wedding... [Joey Tribbiani] No-hey-no! If you don't want me to do it, I except that. I don't care about that. I just...I don't want you to be upset. [Chandler Bing] How can I not be upset? Okay? I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman and it turns out that she wanted you first! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah for like a half an hour one night! Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! You're so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did, 'cause you guys are perfect for each other. Y'know, we look at you and-and we see you together and it just...it-it fits. Y'know? And you just know it's gonna last forever. [Chandler Bing] That's what you should say. [Joey Tribbiani] What? [Chandler Bing] When you're marrying us; that's what you should say. [Joey Tribbiani] Really? I can do it? [Chandler Bing] I'd love it if you would do it. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Chandler Bing] But those are the words! Those exact words! [Joey Tribbiani] Well I don't know remember exactly but, it's-it's pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey I'm sorry to do this to you again but uh, is there any way you can look after Ben for a little bit? I-I've got this meeting at school. And-and he-he asked for his uh, 'Fun Aunt' Rachel, so... [Rachel Green] Ohhh! Well of course I will watch him! We have fun, don't we Ben? [Ross Geller] Okay, I'll see you later pal. [Rachel Green] Ohh, okay. Wh-Ah-ha! Wait a minute. Uh Ben, I can't do it. [Ross Geller] What? [Rachel Green] I can't let him go out that way, he's got a meeting. You've got something here on your back. [Ross Geller] What? That's great. That is great. What did we just finish talking about Ben?! [Rachel Green] Oh I... [Ben Geller] What did we just finish talking about Ben?! [Ross Geller] All right, that's it! Come-you-no! You are in big trouble young man! [Rachel Green] No! Wait! Come on! [Ross Geller] Wait! No! Ben, come here! I am not kidding! [Rachel Green] No you guys... [Ross Geller] I-I-am- [Rachel Green] EHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! My God!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God!!!!!!! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey-hey. [Joey Tribbiani] So are guys doing okay? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, we talked and Monica made me see that I over reacted a little bit and some things in life are more important. [Monica Geller] Yeah baby! [Phoebe Buffay] I'm really glad you guys are okay but, I just keep thinking what would happen if-if you two actually had hooked up. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Honey! Dinner's ready! [Joey Tribbiani] What's my little chef got for me tonight? [Monica Geller] Your favorite! [Joey Tribbiani] Ho-ho-ho, fried stuff with cheese! [Monica Geller] Yep! And lot's of it! [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks sweetheart. Give me a little sugar here. Okay. [Monica Geller] Okay, in we go. [Joey Tribbiani] Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! How you doin'? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Here you go. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! This is a six-hour pill! That's it! I'm out of the woods! Ohh! What a relief! [Joey Tribbiani] Good for you! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, it's like huge weight has been lifted! 'Cause look, no hair loss, not a rash, no hives, I'm just so happy! Because no shortness of breath, no temporary euphoria-Oh.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e16", "title": "The One With The Truth About London"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Cheap Wedding Dress [Monica Geller] So the wedding caterer sent me this list of twelve appetizers and I have to narrow it down to six. [Joey Tribbiani] Food? Uh-huh gimme! [Chandler Bing] So did Monica tell you about this great band called the Swing Kings that we're trying to get to play at the wedding? [Phoebe Buffay] Since when are you into swing music? [Chandler Bing] Oh since forever! I used to go all over town listening to bands! [Monica Geller] Chandler. [Chandler Bing] Gap commercial. So did you book them? Did you call? [Monica Geller] I will. [Chandler Bing] Do you want me to call? [Monica Geller] No, I'll do it. You just stick to your job. [Phoebe Buffay] What is your job? [Chandler Bing] Staying out of the way. [Joey Tribbiani] This is impossible Monica, why don't you just pick all 15? [Monica Geller] There were only twelve. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah, I added three. [Monica Geller] What are peanut butter fingers?! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah... --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Well hello! She's cute! Should we uh, go try to talk to her? [Chandler Bing] Sure! That's one of the great things about being engaged. I'm not nervous talking to pretty girls anymore. [The Woman] Could you guys help me? [Ross Geller] Uh yeah! Let me, let me get that for you. [The Woman] It-it's really heavy. [Ross Geller] I got it. So hi, I'm uh, I'm Ross and this is my friend Chandler. [The Woman] I-I am Kristen. [Ross Geller] Kristen, hi. Are you uh, new to the area, 'cause if you are...I'd love to show you around sometime. [Kristen Leigh] I...I uh, actually just moved from four blocks over. [Ross Geller] Ah. [Kristen Leigh] But-but this block is like a whole other world. [Ross Geller] Y'know actually it does have a very interesting history. Uh, this street is the first street in the city to have an underground sewer system. Before that sewage and waste would just flow right down the street. Yeah, sometimes ankle deep! [Chandler Bing] Smooth. [Kristen Leigh] Excuse me? [Ross Geller] Umm, say you're gonna be starving after all this moving. What do you say I take you to dinner tonight? [Kristen Leigh] Oh I'd like that. [Ross Geller] Yeah? [Kristen Leigh] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Great! Uh, let me take this up for you. [Kristen Leigh] After you. [Ross Geller] Oh no-no, after you. Oh my God! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Am I crazy or does this totally go?! [Rachel Green] Oh my God! You look so beautiful! [Phoebe Buffay] Thank you Rachel but, look at Monica! [Monica Geller] This is it. Yeah, this is the one. I can't believe I found it! [The Woman] Wow you look so beautiful! If I knew you, I'd cry. [Monica Geller] Well I'm Monica Geller, ball like a baby. [The Woman] I'm Megan Bailey. [Monica Geller] Have you found your dress yet? [Megan Bailey] Oh no, these dresses are all so amazing but there is no way I could afford one. [Monica Geller] No, I can't afford this either. No. I-I-I'm, I'm just to figure out which one I want then I'm gonna get it at Kleinman's, this discount place in Brooklyn, day after tomorrow they are having a huge sale. [Megan Bailey] Oh, thanks for the tip. [Monica Geller] Yeah! So-so when are you getting married? [Megan Bailey] Oh I'm not, I just like to try these on. [Rachel Green] I do the same thing. [Megan Bailey] I'm just kidding. I'm getting married July 25th. [Rachel Green] I'm just kidding too. I'm getting married in December. [Megan Bailey] So when are you getting married? [Monica Geller] Oh May 15th. [Megan Bailey] Oooh it's getting close! [Monica Geller] Yeah! [Megan Bailey] So uh, who's your photographer? [Monica Geller] Jeffery. [Megan Bailey] We met with him. Did he show you the photos of the nude wedding he did? [Monica Geller] The best man? Wow! [Megan Bailey] I know! I almost called off my wedding. Oh, who's your band?! [Monica Geller] Oh, my fiancee wants the Swing Kings. [Megan Bailey] Oh, you're so lucky. My fiancee wants the heavy metal band Carcass. [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, is that spelled with a 'C' or a 'K'? Oh my God! It doesn't matter; they're both great! [Rachel Green] Oh y'know what? Y'know what? Now that you know what you want you should go to Kleinman's and get it half off. This place is so overpriced. [The Woman] I own this store. [Rachel Green] So, does this come in another color or... --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hi! You uh, movin' in or movin' out? [Kristen Leigh] I'm moving in. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh uh, can I give you a hand? [Kristen Leigh] Oh okay. But y'know what? Be careful. Because a guy was helping me before had to leave because he hurt his back. [Joey Tribbiani] Boyfriend? [Kristen Leigh] No. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm Joey. [Kristen Leigh] Kristen. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh wow, what a beautiful name! What is it again? [Kristen Leigh] Kristen. [Joey Tribbiani] Got it! So... [Kristen Leigh] So uh, do you live around here? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Yeah! Right down there. Hey listen; let me give you a little tip. Do not take a nap on this stoop or you can wake up with your shoes gone. [Kristen Leigh] I'll remember that. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. Yeah. Listen would you uh, would you like to have dinner with me tonight? [Kristen Leigh] Oh I, I have plans tonight. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh. [Kristen Leigh] But how about tomorrow? [Joey Tribbiani] Sounds great! Okay all right, well where does this go? [Kristen Leigh] You look strong, why don't I take that and you grab one of the boxes. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I'll grab this one. --------------------------------------- [A Woman] What is taking so long?! I mean whatever! [Rachel Green] So this is Brooklyn. [Monica Geller] All right, listen up. There is usually only one dress in each size so when they open those doors, fan out. Now, this is what you're looking for! Memorize it! When you locate the dress, blow on these. All right? Three short blasts, when you hear it. Come running. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Got it. [Monica Geller] All right. [A Woman] Here he comes! Hurry! [Rachel Green] Oh they're pushing! They're pushing!! [Monica Geller] Hey! Don't be a baby! [Rachel Green] Well I... [A Woman] Let's go!! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! Rachel! Come on!!!! [Monica Geller] No. No. Not it. Not it. Not it. Don't crowd me! This is it! This is the dress! Oh my God, it's perfect! I'm sorry, this one's taken! Whoa! [Monica Geller] Megan! [Megan Bailey] Monica! [Monica Geller] You came?! [Megan Bailey] Yeah! [Monica Geller] This is my dress! [Megan Bailey] No! [Monica Geller] Yes it is! You saw me wearing it! [Megan Bailey] And now you'll see me buying it. [Monica Geller] What? You freak! You wouldn't even have known about this place if it wasn't for me! [Megan Bailey] Look, you don't want to fight me. [Monica Geller] Maybe I do! I'm pretty feisty! [Phoebe Buffay] I'm coming! I'm coming! [Woman] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay! Hey! What do I do?!! What are you doing? Did you find the dress? [Phoebe Buffay] Did you find the dress? [Rachel Green] No! You gotta get me out of here Phoebe! These bargain shoppers are crazy! [Phoebe Buffay] I-We gotta get Monica. [Rachel Green] No! You gotta hold my hand!! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God!! Excuse me! Excuse me! [Monica Geller] Go! Go! Go! [Rachel Green] Hey... [Monica Geller] NOW!!!!!!!! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] So Ross, how was your date the other night? Did you tell her about the magical ride that starts with the flush of every toilet? [Ross Geller] Laugh all you want but uh, she actually left me a message saying she'd like to go out again. [Chandler Bing] Huh. [Ross Geller] Yeah in fact, I'm gonna go call her right now. And I'll make sure to tell her my friend Chandler says... [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Chandler! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Listen, sorry I didn't stop by last night but I had a date. [Chandler Bing] Uh Joe, when it's one o'clock in the morning and you don't come by? That's okay! [Joey Tribbiani] Well check it out, I was with this really hot girl who just moved in right across the street! [Chandler Bing] Really? Right across the street? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! [Chandler Bing] When'd you meet her? [Joey Tribbiani] Two days ago. [Chandler Bing] Excellent! Y'know Ross met somebody too! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah? [Ross Geller] Hey. [Chandler Bing] Hi! How'd it go? [Ross Geller] Oh great! We're going out again Saturday. But I just found she's also seeing some other guy. [Chandler Bing] Really?! Joe? What would you do if you were in Ross's situation? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I sorta am. I mean yeah, I'm dating this girl who's also seeing another guy. But, I don't know, I'm not to worried about it. [Ross Geller] Well you shouldn't be. Believe me I wouldn't want to be the guy who's up against you. I mean that doofus is going to lose! [Chandler Bing] So this is nice! I wish I didn't have to go, believe me! But unfortunately I have to. Oh uh, by the way, what's the name the girl you're dating? [Joey Tribbiani] Kristen Lang. [Chandler Bing] Bye! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Well obviously only one of us can keep dating her. [Joey Tribbiani] Obviously! So, how do we decide? [Ross Geller] Well now let's-let's look at this objectively, I think I should date her... [Joey Tribbiani] Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Or, or I'm the one who dates her. [Ross Geller] That's interesting, but check this out. I date her... [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah-yeah I like that but just to go in another direction... [Ross Geller] Okay, okay. This can go on for a while. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah well we should order some food then. [Ross Geller] No Joey! Look why don't, why don't we just let her decide? Okay? Hey-hey, we'll each go out with her one more time. And-and we'll see who she likes best. [Joey Tribbiani] That sounds fair. [Ross Geller] Maybe I'll take her to that new French restaurant down the street... [Joey Tribbiani] Ah yeah-wait a second now! Look we're gonna have to set a spending limit on the date. I don't have the money to take her to a fancy place like that. [Ross Geller] Well sorry, that's what I do on dates. [Joey Tribbiani] All right, well I guess I'll just have to do what I do on dates. [Ross Geller] So let's decide on the spending limit... [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. Uh, ...a slice......six dollars? [Ross Geller] I was thinking more like a hundred. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. Can I borrow 94 dollars? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Oh... [Phoebe Buffay] I know. Hand me a tissue. [Rachel Green] You're out of Diet Coke. [Monica Geller] Hello? What?! You what?! Hey you listen here missy! Wh- [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Monica Geller] That was that girl Megan! She booked the Swing Kings on the day of our wedding and said that I couldn't have them back unless I gave her the dress! [Phoebe Buffay] Does that mean Carcass is available? [Monica Geller] What am I gonna do?! That is the dress! That is the dress! Wh...Chandler wants the band. What do I do? [Phoebe Buffay] Well just figure out a way to talk him out of it. [Monica Geller] How? [Rachel Green] You're out of toilet paper! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey! What's up? [Joey Tribbiani] I just wanted to come by and y'know, wish you good luck on your date. [Ross Geller] Oh thanks! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. What time are you meeting her? [Ross Geller] We have 8:00 reservations at Grammercy Bistero. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow, that's in like 20 minutes. You'd better get dressed. [Ross Geller] I am dressed. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh. Well good! For me. What is this? Did you give yourself a facial? [Ross Geller] I have an oily T-zone! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay dude! Hey you uh, you sent Kristen flowers. [Ross Geller] That's right. [Joey Tribbiani] You spent a hundred dollars. That's the limit. You're screwed! [Ross Geller] Uh actually, I sent the flowers before the actual date. So techincally, technically I didn't break any rules. Thanks for stopping by though. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh-oh! So that's the way it's gonna be huh? Yeah I can break the rules too y'know! [Ross Geller] Oh yeah? What are you gonna do? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know. [Ross Geller] Why am I not surprised? [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know what Ross? I'm not gonna let you get away with this! [Ross Geller] I don't think you have much choice. [Joey Tribbiani] Well we'll see! [Ross Geller] Bye-bye! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah bye-bye! Hey! So just a light layer? [Ross Geller] Yes. Yes. Just here and there . --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Joey got meat sauce on the banister again! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, swing music is so out. [Monica Geller] Phoebe, he's gotta be in the room for that to work. [Chandler Bing] What are you guys talking about? [Monica Geller] Well umm, we were just talking about the y'know, the Swing Kings and just wondering whether y'know, they were the right way to go. [Rachel Green] Yeah, I went to a wedding once where they had swing music and uh, two months later the couple got divorced. And now I'm not saying that there's any connection here y'know, but they did tell me that's why they got divorced. [Chandler Bing] But I love swing music! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah but the Swing Kings? Y'know they suck so much that people actually die at their concerts-They just stop living. [Chandler Bing] Look all I know is when Monica and I went to see them, we had fun! And there's another reason too. [Rachel Green] Well, what is the other reason? [Chandler Bing] I don't want to say. [Rachel Green] Well you have to because maybe it's stupid. [Chandler Bing] Well it's just while Monica and I were dancing to them it was...the first time I knew that...you were the woman I wanted to dance all my dances with. [Monica Geller] Oh crap! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] So they said our table will be ready in just a few minutes. [Kristen Leigh] Oh great! [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Kristen Leigh] Is your back feeling better? [Ross Geller] Oh yeah it's fine. I guess the more muscles you have the more they can spasim out of control. [Joey Tribbiani] Kristen? [Kristen Leigh] Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hi! [Kristen Leigh] Hi! What are you doing here? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh I like this place. And technically, technically I'm not breaking any rules so I... [Kristen Leigh] Well uh, Ross? This is Joey. Joey? Ross. [Joey Tribbiani] Hi! [Ross Geller] Hi. It's nice to meet you. I used to have a friend named Joey. I don't anymore. [Kristen Leigh] Our table will be ready in a couple minutes. [Ross Geller] Yeah. So... [Joey Tribbiani] Sure! I would love to wait with you guys! Thanks! [Ross Geller] So Joey umm, you look familiar. Are uh, are you on TV or something? [Kristen Leigh] Well Joey doesn't like to talk about it but, he's one of the stars of Days Of Our Lives. [Ross Geller] That's right! That's right, don't you play a woman? [Joey Tribbiani] A woman in a man's body. [Ross Geller] Much better. [Joey Tribbiani] So y'know Ross it's funny 'cause, you look familiar to me too. Have you ever been married? [Ross Geller] Well yes, yes I have. In fact umm, just the other day Kristen and I were talking about how I've been married and how I have a son. [Kristen Leigh] Yeah, little Eric. [Ross Geller] That's right! Wait no, Ben. [Joey Tribbiani] So you've just married the one time then? [Ross Geller] Well umm... [Kristen Leigh] You've been married twice? [Ross Geller] Yes. And another time after that. Boy I'm getting hungry! Hey Joey, have you ever been so hungry on a date that when a girl goes to the bathroom you eat some of her food? [Kristen Leigh] You said the waiter ate my crab cake. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. So uh Ross, well now-why did that first marriage breakup? Was it because the woman was straight or she was a lesbian? [Kristen Leigh] Do you two know each other? [Joey Tribbiani] No. No. [Joey Tribbiani] No. It just seems like Ross is the kind of a guy that would marry a woman on the verge of being a lesbian and then push her over the edge. [Ross Geller] Wait a minute! Were you on a poster for gonorrhea? [Joey Tribbiani] Have you ever slept in the same bed as a monkey?! [Ross Geller] Hey you leave Marcel out of this! [Joey Tribbiani] Fine! Have you ever got stuck in a pair of your own leather pants?! [Ross Geller] Hey-hey have you ever locked yourself in a TV cabinet VD boy?! [Joey Tribbiani] Monkey lover! [Joey Tribbiani] When do you think we lost her? [Ross Geller] Probably around gonorrhea. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hi, honey! I'm home! [Monica Geller] Don't come in here! [Chandler Bing] Why? Do you another boyfriend in there or something? [Monica Geller] No! We only mess around at his place! [Chandler Bing] Y'know it's funny I started it but, now it's scary me. So could you come out here please? [Monica Geller] No, I'm wearing a wedding dress. [Chandler Bing] Oh you got a wedding dress? That's great! [Monica Geller] Yeah but I'm not keeping it. [Chandler Bing] Well then why can't I see it? [Monica Geller] Oh. I guess you can. Okay but; I-I have to return it, so you can't like it. [Chandler Bing] Okay I promise. I'll-I'll hate it. Wow! You-you look...hideous. [Monica Geller] Really? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, that's like the most ugliest dress I've ever seen. Wh-why do you to return it? [Monica Geller] Oh because it doesn't...really fit. Oh by the way, I-I booked the Swing Kings. [Chandler Bing] Oh that's great! Great! Thanks! But that dress I mean it's like yuck! It's terrible! It makes me wanna just rip it right off of you! [Monica Geller] Okay! But you can't rip it. Well, maybe a little. [Chandler Bing] Okay! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey guys! Do you wanna look at the song list for the wedding? Guys? [Chandler Bing] I thought you were gonna be gone all day. [Monica Geller] All right? What's going on? [Monica Geller] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-I should probably leave you girls alone. [Ross Geller] Yeah, laugh all you want but in ten minutes we're gonna have younger looking skin! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Y'know, she could use a little... Oh nice shot!!!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e17", "title": "The One With The Cheap Wedding Dress"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Joey's Award [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! You guys! You're not gonna believe this! I just got off the phone with my agent... [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! I'm sorry, too soon. You go. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. I got nominated for my part on Days of Our Lives! [Monica Geller] Joey! [Phoebe Buffay] Good for you! [Monica Geller] Congratulations! Wow! I can't believe you're nominated for an Emmy! [Joey Tribbiani] No-no. [Monica Geller] Oh Soap Opera Digest award! [Joey Tribbiani] No! I'm up for a Soapie! [Monica Geller] Honey? Is that something you're making up? [Joey Tribbiani] No, no, no! It's real! And it has been since 1998. Hey Rach! Rach! I'm up for a Soapie! [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Oh my God!! That is like the third most prestigious soap opera award there is! [Joey Tribbiani] Thank you! Well, I guess now I know who I'm taking to the awards. [Rachel Green] Oh, stop that! Don't kid about that! Will all the stars be there? [Joey Tribbiani] Many are scheduled to appear. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Oh my God! I can't go! I'm gonna be too nervous! [Monica Geller] Okay, I'll go! [Rachel Green] No!! You are getting married! This is all I have. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] ...and it was Ernst Muhlbrat who first hypothesized that the Velociraptor would expand it's collar and emit a high pitched noise to frighten it's predator. Yes Mr. Lewis? [Lewis] What kinda noise? [Ross Geller] Just a high pitched intimidating noise. [Lewis] But like how? [Ross Geller] Well we-we don't know for sure. But in my head it-it sounded something like this. Of course, this is just conjecture. Okay, that's uh, that's all for today. Uh Mr. Morse, can I see you for a moment? [Ned Morse] Yes sir. [Ross Geller] Mr. Morse I need to talk to you about your mid-term exam, I'm afraid I-I had to fail you. [Ned Morse] Why?! [Ross Geller] Well you need 60% to pass... [Ned Morse] What'd I get? [Ross Geller] Seven. [Ned Morse] That's not so good. [Ross Geller] No-no it's not. What-what happened there Ned? [Ned Morse] Well maybe you can cut me some slack. I'm sort of in love. [Ross Geller] Well I'm sorry but, that-that's really not my problem. [Ned Morse] I'm in love with you. [Ross Geller] Well that brings me in the loop a little. [Ned Morse] You see, that's why I did so bad on this test. I'm having a hard time concentrating. When you're up there and you're teaching and your face gets all serious...you look so good. You wear that tight little turtleneck sweater... [Ross Geller] Okay! Umm, I uh, I'm your teacher. I'm sorry, you're-you're a student and I-and I like women. In spite of what may be written on the backs of some of these chairs. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! That guy at the counter is totally checking you out! [Monica Geller] Really? My God, he's really cute. [Phoebe Buffay] Go for it. [Monica Geller] Phoebe, I'm engaged! [Phoebe Buffay] I'm just saying, get his number just in case. But no Chandler is in an accident and can't perform sexually and he would want you to take a lover to satisfy the needs that he can no longer fulfill. [The Cute Guy] Hi! [Monica Geller] Op, can I just tell you something? Very flattered but umm, I'm engaged. [The Cute Guy] Wow! Uh, this is kind of embarrassing. I was actually coming over to talk to your friend. [Monica Geller] Well you should be embarrassed. [The Cute Guy] I thought you knew I was looking at you. [Phoebe Buffay] I did, but that was really fun. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] And the winner is...Joey Tribbiani! Oh... Wow! I honestly never expected this. I uh, I didn't prepare a speech. But umm, I'd like to thank my parents, who've always been there for me. I'd also like to thank my friends, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Rachel... [Rachel Green] I'm fourth! Look at you with your little maple syrup award! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah may-maybe you don't tell anyone about this. [Rachel Green] What? No! It's not a big deal! I do that too, with my shampoo bottle. [Joey Tribbiani] Really? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] What award are you practicing for? [Rachel Green] Grammy, Best New Artist. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, hey listen! The Soapie's called today and I also get to present an award. [Rachel Green] Ohh that's great! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! [Rachel Green] So you'll definitely get onstage, even if you don't win. [Joey Tribbiani] What you-you don't think I'm gonna win? [Rachel Green] Well of course I do! But y'know, favorite returning character is a tough category Joey. I mean you're up against the guy who survived his own cremation. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. No-no I-I know I might not win, but it's just...I've never even been nominated before! I want it so much. [Rachel Green] Well Joey, you'll probably get it. But you should probably your-your gracious loser face. Y'know when like the cameras are on you and you wanna look disappointed but also that your colleague deserved to win. Y'know? So it's sorta like... [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Rachel Green] Y'know? [Joey Tribbiani] You practice losing the Grammies too? [Rachel Green] Oh no, at the Grammies I always win. [Joey Tribbiani] Ah. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! How'd your date go with Jake? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, great! We couldn't keep our eyes off each other all night and then every once and a while y'know, he'd kinda lean over and stroke my hair and touch my neck. [Monica Geller] Okay, stop it Phoebe, you're getting me all tingly. [Phoebe Buffay] All I could think of was y'know, "Is he gonna kiss me? Is he gonna kiss me?" [Monica Geller] And did he? [Phoebe Buffay] I'm a lady Monica, I don't kiss and tell. But this hickey speaks for itself. [Monica Geller] Okay-okay, I got it. I got it. [Phoebe Buffay] I just like him so much that I just feel like I've had 10 drinks today and I've only had six. [Monica Geller] Oh, I haven't had that feeling since I first started going out with Chandler. Wow, I'm never gonna have that feeling again am I? [Phoebe Buffay] You sound like a guy. [Monica Geller] No, a guy would be saying, "I'm never gonna get to sleep with anyone else." Oh my God! I'm never gonna get to sleep with anyone else! I've been so busy planning the wedding that I forgot about all the things that I'd be giving up! I mean, I...I'm never gonna have a first kiss again. [Phoebe Buffay] You'll have a last kiss. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Can I ask you something? Have you ever had a guy have a crush on you? [Joey Tribbiani] Is that why you wanted to tie my tie? [Ross Geller] There's this kid in my class who said he's in love with me. [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa! [Rachel Green] Whoa what? [Joey Tribbiani] Ross has a boyfriend. [Ross Geller] I do-I do not have a boyfriend. There's a guy in one of my classes who-who has a crush on me. [Rachel Green] Really? [Ross Geller] Yeah! I don't know. I mean, last year Elizabeth now-now this kid. What-what-what-what is it?! Am I giving out some kind of...sexy professor vibe? [Rachel Green] Not right now. [Ross Geller] It-it-The point is my natural charisma has made him fail his midterm. [Rachel Green] Oh, see now I feel bad for the kid! I had a crush on a teacher once and it was so hard! Y'know you-I couldn't concentrate and I blushed every time he looked at me. I mean come on, you remember what's it's like to be 19 and in love. [Ross Geller] Yeah. I guess I can cut him some slack. [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] How'd you get over that teacher? [Rachel Green] I didn't. I got under him. [Joey Tribbiani] Problem solved. --------------------------------------- [Jake] Bye Phoebe. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay bye. [Jake] All right. Bye. [Phoebe Buffay] Bye! We said good-bye at the door so as not to flaunt our new love. [Monica Geller] Phoebe, it's okay. You don't have to tip toe around me. I-I've been thinking about it and umm, y'know what? I'm okay about not having that new relationship feeling... [Jake] I miss you already!! [Phoebe Buffay] I miss you too!!!! [Monica Geller] See? That's what I mean. I mean that, that's great! But I wouldn't trade in what I have for that. I mean I'm gonna be with Chandler for the rest of my life, and that's what makes me happy. Hey sweetie, come here! Come sit down. Hey Phoebe and I were just talking about how our relationship is deep and meaningful. It really is don't you think? [Chandler Bing] Oh totally! Pull my finger. --------------------------------------- [Announcer] Presenting the award for Favorite Returning Male Character is McKensize... [Joey Tribbiani] This is it! This is my category. [Rachel Green] I know! My God! Do you have your speech? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I got my speech! [Rachel Green] Do you got your gracious loser face? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Now Joey remember, if you win you have to hug me! You hug me! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. Can I squeeze your ass? [Rachel Green] On TV?! Yeah! [Joey Tribbiani] 'Kay! [The Presenter] In The Category Of Favorite Returning Male Character The Nominees Are John Wheeler from General Hospital , Gavin Grant from The Young and the Restless , Dunkin Harrington from Passions , and Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives . And the Soapie goes to......Gavin Grant from The Young and the Restless! [Joey Tribbiani] What the?! --------------------------------------- [Announcer] Presenting the award for Favorite Supporting Actress is Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives. [Joey Tribbiani] Any one of the brilliant actresses nominated for this award tonight deserves to take it home. Unfortunately only one can. The nominees for Best Supporting Actress are from Passions Erin Goff. From One Life to Live Mary Loren Bishop , from All My Children Sarah Mchann, and from Days of Our Lives Jessica Ashley. And the winner is......Jessica Ashley from Days of Our Lives. Uh, unfortunately Jessica couldn't be with us tonight so I'll be accepting this award on her behalf. And I'm sure that Jessica would like to thank my parents who always believed in me. She'd also like to thank my friends, Chandler, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel who's sittin' right there! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Joey! Why did we have to rush out of there so fast?! [Joey Tribbiani] Rach we had to get out of there because, look what I won! [Rachel Green] Oh my God you stole her award! [Joey Tribbiani] No-no! No, I'm accepting it on her behalf. [Rachel Green] Joey I don't think you know what behalf means. [Joey Tribbiani] Sure I do! It's a verb! As in, "I behalfin' it!" [Rachel Green] Joey, you have got to take this back! [Joey Tribbiani] But why?! I should've won one and I really want it and she didn't even care enough to come to the thing! It could also be a Grammy. [Rachel Green] No! Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Come on Rach! No one saw me take it! There was a whole table full of 'em. [Rachel Green] Do you really want an award you didn't win? [Joey Tribbiani] No! I want an award I did win! But nobody's giving me any of those! Plus-Hey Rach, if-if I put it up there right? When people come over they'll see it and they'll think I won it. [Rachel Green] Joey is says Best Supporting Actress! [Joey Tribbiani] I can scratch that right off. [Rachel Green] Joey no, this is wrong! You have to take it back, okay? You don't want to win an award this way. You're very talented. And someday you're gonna win one of these for real and that one is gonna mean something. [Joey Tribbiani] All right! [Rachel Green] All right? Thank you. [Joey Tribbiani] I'll take it back tomorrow. [Rachel Green] Thank you. [Joey Tribbiani] If I can't have it you can't have it! --------------------------------------- [Lewis] Professor Geller? [Ross Geller] Yes Mr. Lewis, how can I help you? [Lewis] I know I didn't do well on my midterms and stuff but, I was kinda hoping you could change my grade. [Ross Geller] And why exactly would I do that? [Lewis] Because I'm in love with you. [Ross Geller] What?! [Lewis] Yeah, I'm all...in love with you and stuff. So could you change my grade? [Ross Geller] No! [Lewis] Well why not you changed Ned's grade! [Ross Geller] Well that's different! Okay? Because he, he was actually in love with me! [Lewis] No he's not! He's totally yanking your chain! He's done this with three other teachers! [Ross Geller] What? [Lewis] He's got a girlfriend! [Ross Geller] I can't believe someone would do that for a grade. [Lewis] I know! It's awful. I love you. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Have you seen Chandler? [Phoebe Buffay] No. Why? [Monica Geller] 'Cause I just keeping thinking about all these things that I'm not gonna have and it's freaking me out. I don't know what to do about it. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, don't sweat it. Chandler is nowhere around so go ahead get it out of your system. That guy's cute. [Monica Geller] Phoebe! Come on I'm serious! I just got to talk to him about all this. [Phoebe Buffay] No that is the last thing you want to do! [Monica Geller] Why? [Phoebe Buffay] Because you're marrying him! [Monica Geller] You gotta help me out here Pheebs. [Phoebe Buffay] All right, I've never been engaged and I've never really been married, but I can only tell you what my mother told me. Whenever you have doubts or fears or anxieties about a relationship, do not communicate them to your husband. [Monica Geller] So I'm not supposed to share my doubts and fears with the guy I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with? [Phoebe Buffay] That is correct! Yes, you're supposed to take all of that stuff and put it in a little box in your mind and then lock it up tight. [Monica Geller] Your mother told you this? [Phoebe Buffay] Yes! [Monica Geller] The woman that got married a bunch of times and killed herself when you were 13? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! You're right! Go! Go tell Chandler! Hurry before it's too late! Wait no! Does this also mean putting out doesn't get you love? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] I cannot believe I'm gonna meet Jessica Ashley! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay wait-wait p-please be cool! Okay? I work with this woman. [Rachel Green] Okay, I'm totally cool! [Jessica Ashley] Come in. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Jessica. [Rachel Green] Hey Jess. [Joey Tribbiani] Ah, this is my friend Rachel. [Jessica Ashley] Hi. [Rachel Green] 'Sup? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh listen, here's your Soapie. I accepted it for ya. [Jessica Ashley] Oh my God! I won! Do you have any idea what this means?! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, that-that-that's it? You're gonna, you're gonna put it on your self or anything? [Jessica Ashley] No, I try to save that for real awards. Now, if you'll excuse me. [Joey Tribbiani] Take it back? [Rachel Green] Absolutely. [Joey Tribbiani] Y-y-yeah! Yeah you do. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Honey, as we get closer to the wedding, is there anything that you would like to talk about or share? [Chandler Bing] Okay. Well, I think the centerpieces are too big [Monica Geller] You're wrong! The centerpieces are fine! Do you ever get scared at all? [Chandler Bing] Kinda. They're really big. [Monica Geller] Doesn't it ever just freak you out that-that you're never gonna be with anybody new again? [Chandler Bing] What? [Monica Geller] Just, I love you so much. Just...It's just sometimes it bothers me that I'm never gonna have that feeling. Y'know when you meet someone for the first time and it's new and exciting? Y'know that rush? [Chandler Bing] No. No, see when I first meet somebody it's uh it's mostly panic, anxiety, and a great deal of sweating. [Monica Geller] Okay, but all right you're a guy, does it not freak you that you're never gonna sleep with anybody else? [Chandler Bing] Sleeping with somebody new, anxiety, panic, and I'm afraid even more sweating. [Monica Geller] Even with me? [Chandler Bing] I was dangerously dehydrated during the first six months of our relationship. Look, for me the rush is knowing that we are gonna be together for the rest of our lives. [Monica Geller] Really? [Chandler Bing] Well yeah! But now that I know that you're having these thoughts, I'm back to panic, anxiety, and uh I'm definitely gonna need some kind of sports drink. [Monica Geller] Come here! Come here! Sweetie you don't have to worry. No, besides y'know what? I'm gonna have a lot of new things with you. The first time we buy a house. Our first kid. Our first grandkid... [Chandler Bing] Water! Water! Water! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Uh Mr. Morse, can I speak to you for a moment? [Ned Morse] That was a great lecture today. Did you get a little hair cut? [Ross Geller] Uh-hmm, yeah-yeah do you like it? Do-do you looove it? I just want you to know that I'm changing your grade back. [Ned Morse] What?! Why? [Ross Geller] 'Cause I know what you're trying to pull here. Okay? It's not gonna work. [Ned Morse] I'm not trying to pull anything. Look I love you dude. [Ross Geller] Y'know what? I-I'm not even gonna talk about this. Okay? This little thing is over. I know you have a girlfriend! Okay--Yeah! And I know about the other professors! How do you think that makes me feel Ned?! You used me! You don't love me and you never did! Ah Professor Winston, Professor Fredrickson, I'll be right with you. Don't make this worse and I'll give you a C. Shall we? --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Rach? [Rachel Green] I'll be out in a second. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. It's just so unexpected! I...I uh...Boy I'll tell you it's just such an honor to be nominated for a Nobel Prize and y'know to win one for a massage. Especially after having just won a Tony award for best actress in... [Rachel Green] Honey, we have to go. Our reservations are at 8:00. [Phoebe Buffay] ...in Reservations at 8:00 by Neil Simon. Thank-thank you Neil. Thank you for the words. [Rachel Green] Okay honey, you can finish this later we're gonna be late. We gotta go. [Phoebe Buffay] Please, don't play the music. Just uh one more. LIVE FROM NEW YORK! IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e18", "title": "The One With Joey's Award"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Ross and Monica's Cousin [Phoebe Buffay] Oh hey! How was your audition? [Joey Tribbiani] I'm sorry, do I know you? [Phoebe Buffay] What are you doing? [Joey Tribbiani] Nothing, I'm just practicing blowing you off because I'm gonna be a big movie star! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! You got it?! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, no not yet. But the audition went really good. [Monica Geller] What was it for? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, it's this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. It's really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese. [Phoebe Buffay] The next, next? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, there's this guy from Chicago who's supposed to be the next Martin Scorcese, all right? But then this guy's right after him. Hello! [Estelle Leonard] Joey! It's Estelle! I just talked to the casting people; they loved you! [Joey Tribbiani] They loved me! [Estelle Leonard] Yeah, they wanna see you again tomorrow. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God! [Estelle Leonard] There's just one thing. Do you have a problem with full frontal nudity? [Joey Tribbiani] Are you kidding me? I never rent a movie without it! Oh. Uh, okay uh let me call you back. [Phoebe Buffay] What's the matter? [Joey Tribbiani] They want me to be totally naked in the movie! [Monica Geller] Wow! [Joey Tribbiani] I know! My grandmother's gonna see this! [Phoebe Buffay] Grandma's gonna have to get in line. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey the wedding is so close! Are you getting nervous? [Monica Geller] Yeah. But a part of me also can't wait 'til it's over. Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex again until the wedding. [Ross Geller] A no sex pact huh? I actually have one of those going on with every woman in America. [Monica Geller] Hey Phoebe, will you give me a hand? [Phoebe Buffay] Sure. [Monica Geller] I gotta make up the guest bedroom. Hey, Cousin Cassie is coming to stay with us a few days. [Ross Geller] Cassie? [Monica Geller] Uh-hmm. [Ross Geller] Wow, I haven't seen her for like forever. I wonder if she still carries that Barbie everywhere she goes. [Monica Geller] Ross, she's 25 years old. [Ross Geller] So what! I still have-No you're probably right. [Rachel Green] Hi! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey Pheebs, can I talk to you over here for a second? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! [Monica Geller] Subtle guys! [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Monica Geller] I know you're planning my surprise bridal shower. [Rachel Green] Well okay-Well don't ruin it! Just play along at least! [Monica Geller] Okay. Sorry. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! We have to throw her a shower?! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey! What did you decide to do about the movie? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know! It's not like it's porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Y'know? And the nudity is really important to the story. [Monica Geller] That's what you say about porn. [Joey Tribbiani] You're right. Maybe I shouldn't even go on the call back. [Monica Geller] No! No you should! A lot of major actors do nude scenes! I mean the chance to star in a movie? Come on! [Joey Tribbiani] Well that's true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My character's catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. It's really sweet and-and tender. [Monica Geller] Plus, everyone's gonna see your thing. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Well when can we have this shower? [Rachel Green] She has got so much going on we-we have only two options. We have Friday... [Phoebe Buffay] Well that's only two days away. What is the other option? [Rachel Green] Yesterday! [Phoebe Buffay] Well if we make it yesterday, woo-hoo! We're done! [Rachel Green] Oh my God Phoebe, this is impossible! We can't do this by Friday! We have to find a place. We have to invite people! We have to get food! There's just too much to do! It's impossible! We can't do it! We cannot do it! We cannot do it! [Phoebe Buffay] Rachel, calm down! [Rachel Green] Okay. I'm sorry. You're right, you're right. [Phoebe Buffay] Just calm down woman! [Rachel Green] Phoebe, I already, I already did. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh okay. All right, then I need to calm down a little. [Rachel Green] Okay. Okay. I think we can do this if we just get organized. All right? We have two days to plan this party. We just need to make fast decisions! Okay? All right, where are we gonna have it? [Phoebe Buffay] Uh, here. What time? [Rachel Green] 4 o'clock. Food? [Phoebe Buffay] Finger sandwiches and tea. [Rachel Green] Ooh great! Very Monica. [Phoebe Buffay] And chili! [Rachel Green] Ah you went one too far. Uh, flowers or balloons? [Phoebe Buffay] Both! [Rachel Green] We're paying for this y'know. [Phoebe Buffay] Neither. [Rachel Green] Okay. Umm, what should we do for the theme? [Phoebe Buffay] Lusts of the flesh. [Rachel Green] What? [Phoebe Buffay] I don't know. A cowboy theme? --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Y'know I'm-I'm really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding. [Monica Geller] Oh boy me too! [Chandler Bing] Y'know I was thinking if we had a...a big fight and uh we broke up for a few hours... [Monica Geller] Yeah? [Chandler Bing] Technically we could have sex again. What do you think, bossy and domineering?! [Monica Geller] The wedding is off, sloppy and immature! [Chandler Bing] That's me! Come on! [Monica Geller] Okay. But wait, we can't. My Cousin Cassie is in the guest room, we're supposed to have lunch. [Chandler Bing] Well get rid of her, obsessive and shrill. [Monica Geller] Shrill?! The wedding is back on! [Cassie Geller] I thought I heard voices. You must be Chandler. [Chandler Bing] Hi! Nice to meet you! [Cassie Geller] Nice to meet you too. [Monica Geller] So, are you ready to go? [Cassie Geller] Yeah. [Monica Geller] Chandler! [Chandler Bing] I'll be right with you. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Cassie needs to stay at your place. [Ross Geller] What-why? [Monica Geller] Because Purvry Perverson over here can't stop staring at her. [Ross Geller] What?! Chandler she's our cousin! [Chandler Bing] I was not staring at her. Okay? I was just listening intently. It's called being a good conversationalist. Watch. Say something. [Monica Geller] You were staring about eight inches south of there. [Ross Geller] Fine, she can stay at my place. By the way, what-what does Cassie even look like now. [Monica Geller] She looks exactly like Aunt Marilyn. [Chandler Bing] Umm, so this Aunt Marilyn is-is-is-is she coming to the wedding? [Monica Geller] Wafer thin ice! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, I'm back! [The Casting Director] Hi-hi Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Uh so, will-will I be reading the same scene again? [The Casting Director] Actually, I tried to call to you. You didn't need to come down here today. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh great! Y'know I would've been perfect for this part, but whatever! Y'know, thanks for making a bad decision and ruining your movie! Good day! [The Casting Director] Wait Joey! You didn't need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it. [Joey Tribbiani] And scene! Huh? Wasn't that fun? We did a little improv there. Yeah! Okay! So you-you-you-you were saying? [The Casting Director] Well, the director thinks you're really right for the part and wants to meet you tomorrow. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! Sure! That's great! [The Casting Director] Oh and your agent said you were okay with the nudity. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Yeah sure, just long as it's handled tastefully and that barn is not too cold. [The Casting Director] Terrific! Well uh, there's one more thing. Uhh, uh it's really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how she's never seen a naked man who wasn't Jewish. So... [Joey Tribbiani] So...What? [The Casting Director] So uh well the director is insisting that whoever play that part be authentically, anatomically not Jewish. Do you know what I'm saying? [Joey Tribbiani] Yes! [The Casting Director] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] No. What? [The Casting Director] An Italian Catholic immigrant at this time would not be... [Joey Tribbiani] Barmifsaed? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] So to get this part you can't be? [Joey Tribbiani] Nope. [Monica Geller] But you are? [Joey Tribbiani] Yep. [Monica Geller] But you told them you weren't? [Joey Tribbiani] That's right. [Monica Geller] Wow! Wow! And it's definitely all gone? There's nothing there to work with? What were you thinking? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell 'em you can! And just figure out how to do it later. [Monica Geller] Joey! This is not like learning to ride a horse! This is like learning to...grow a turtleneck! [Joey Tribbiani] I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like. [Monica Geller] Oh my God, what are you gonna do?! [Joey Tribbiani] I just have to call my agent and tell her I can't do the part. [Monica Geller] Unless! [Joey Tribbiani] Unless what? [Monica Geller] Well, this may sound crazy, but there maybe something we could fashion. [Joey Tribbiani] Like what? [Monica Geller] Well I'm not sure yet, but umm of the top of my head I'm thinking double sided tape and some sort of luncheon meat. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! I've got a great idea for party favors for the shower. Okay, we get some uh mahogany boxes and carve everyone's names in them and inside is everyone's individual birth stone. [Rachel Green] Okay. Okay. All right, you take care of that. And meanwhile, the party is tomorrow and we still don't have a guest list. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Okay! Well okay, who do we know that's coming? Me. Are you? [Monica Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey! What's up Mon? [Monica Geller] Well uh, I'm trying to make something for Joey. Do you mind if I raid your fridge? [Rachel Green] Have at it. [Monica Geller] Okay. All right, turkey. Eh, that won't work. Cheese? That won't work. Olive loaf? I hope that won't work. [Rachel Green] Are you makin' him a sandwich? [Monica Geller] No it's umm, more like a wrap. Okay so uh, I'm gonna go guys. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Monica Geller] I guess you can get back to deciding on what to get me for a present! [Rachel Green] We have to get her a present?! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay but look! Look at what I got! It's her address book! We have a guest list! [Rachel Green] Oh my God you're amazing! Did you just pull that out of her purse? [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh, and a little seed money for the party. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Cassie?! [Cassie Geller] Hey Ross! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Cassie Geller] It's been so long! Last time I saw you, you were setting up your tent in line to see Return of the Jedi. [Ross Geller] Oh. Oh, that's right. So-so you did see me that day because it seemed like you didn't. [Cassie Geller] Ah yeah, sorry about that. [Ross Geller] It's okay. Come, come on in. [Cassie Geller] Thanks for letting me stay here! I mean Monica's place was nice, but her fiancee sure stares a lot. [Ross Geller] Oh. [Cassie Geller] Oh my God! You do a great Chandler! [Ross Geller] Uh-huh. Yeah I-I have a knack for impressions. [Cassie Geller] Well, maybe after we get reacquainted uh, you can do me. [Ross Geller] Yeah-No!! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Cassie, how you-how you doin' on that...hot dog. [Cassie Geller] I'm all done. [Ross Geller] Thank God. [Cassie Geller] I guess the last time we really hung out was when our parents rented that beach house together. [Ross Geller] Oh right. Right. Ooh, remember the time I uh, I pinned you down and tickled you 'til you cried? We're probably too old to do that now. [Cassie Geller] I'll always remember that summer, because it's when I got all of these freckles. [Ross Geller] Uh-huh! Uh-huh! And-and-and I'll always remember that summer because that's when I realized that we are related. [Cassie Geller] It took you that long to figure it out, huh? [Ross Geller] Well I'm, I'm a little slow. Just as our children would be. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hi! [Woman] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] How are you? Good. Hi, thanks for coming. [Woman] Oh thank you. [Phoebe Buffay] Thank you. No? All right. Oh, it's so nice to see you. [Woman] No. [The Other Woman] No thanks. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Hey Rach? [Rachel Green] Yeah? [Phoebe Buffay] Who the hell are all these people? [Rachel Green] Well, I don't know. I called all the people in Monica's phone book and these are the only ones who could show up on 24 hours notice. [Phoebe Buffay] Hmm, y'know there's another word for people like that. Losers! [Rachel Green] Hi! I'm Rachel. This is Phoebe. I'm the maid of honor. How do you know Monica? [Woman] I was her accountant four years ago. [Rachel Green] Ohhhh! [Woman] I'm very interested to find out who's been doing her taxes these last four years. [Rachel Green] That's great! [Woman] So, what time is Monica supposed to get here? [Phoebe Buffay] I don't know. [Rachel Green] Excuse us for a minute. You didn't tell her to come?! [Phoebe Buffay] You were supposed to tell her! [Rachel Green] No I wasn't! You were supposed to tell her to come and I was supposed to bring the cake! [Phoebe Buffay] Fine, I'll go call her. [Rachel Green] Yes! And please tell her to bring a cake! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Okay, we have a lot of options here, a number of prototypes for you to try on. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! This looks great! [Monica Geller] Yeah! Okay, this one is a mushroom cap. Umm, this one is made of bologna. [Joey Tribbiani] And-and-and-and-and the toothpicks? [Monica Geller] Oh, just until the glue dries. [Joey Tribbiani] Thank God! [Monica Geller] Now, these are-are more realistic, but perishable. [Joey Tribbiani] Ah. [Monica Geller] Okay? Over here we have pink suede, which is nice. But umm, if it gets wet then you know it's gonna shrink. [Joey Tribbiani] Well maybe we just take that one away. [Monica Geller] I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, that's really just for me. Okay. So, why don't you go into your room and try these on and we'll see-get a better idea of what's gonna work. [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks, you are such a good friend. And this is so weird. [Joey Tribbiani] Ow! [Monica Geller] Toothpick? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Monica Geller] What are you trying on now? [Joey Tribbiani] The fruit roll up. [Monica Geller] And? [Joey Tribbiani] Delicious. [Monica Geller] Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Wait a minute! Wait a minute! We have a winner! [Monica Geller] What?! Which one?! [Joey Tribbiani] The Silly Putty! It's not so silly anymore! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] She's your cousin. She's your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head she'd think you were sick! Or would she? Let's back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logan's Run, the sexiest movie ever. Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. I'm going in. [Cassie Geller] Hey! What the hell are you doing?! [Ross Geller] Say something clever! Okay, doesn't have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. Any words will do. Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! I-I, I uh haven't had sex in a very long time. Yeah, you really shouldn't have said anything. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Phoebe! Rachel! It's Monica! I wonder what you could possibly need me for on such short notice! Oh. [Rachel Green] Oh Monica, we are so sorry. [Monica Geller] For what? [Rachel Green] Well first, for forgetting to throw you a bridal shower. [Phoebe Buffay] And then for forgetting to invite you to it. [Monica Geller] You al-you already had it? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. Well, we called everyone in your phone book and bunch of people came, but it took us so long to get you here that they-they had to leave. [Rachel Green] Yeah, we wanted to throw you a big surprise and a great shower, and now you don't have either. [Phoebe Buffay] We ruined everything. [Rachel Green] Ugh... [Monica Geller] Well no wait a minute that's not true! No, what did, that was really sweet. And it kinda works out for the best. [Rachel Green] What do you, what do you mean? [Monica Geller] Well now, I get to spend my shower with the only people I really love! I mean, I get all those presents without having to talk to people I don't even like! [Rachel Green] Surprise... [Phoebe Buffay] Sur-surprise. [Rachel Green] ...Monica. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] And what's cool is, the character is from Naples, right? [The Director] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] My whole family's from Naples! [The Director] Oh that's great! Okay, well I've heard everything I need to hear. I just need to uh, Leslie... [The Casting Director] Joey, this is awkward part. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. I totally understand. You need to y'know make sure I don't have any horrible scars or tattoos. Don't you worry; I have nothing to hide. So there you go, that's me. One hundred percent natural! I tell ya, that has never happened before. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Cassie, are you finding everything okay in there? [Cassie Geller] Yeah! Thank you so much for letting me stay here. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! No problem! I... [Cassie Geller] What? [Phoebe Buffay] Say something! Say anything! Ask her out! She's not your cousin!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e19", "title": "The One With Ross and Monica's Cousin"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Rachel's Big Kiss [Rachel Green] Hey! Out of all of us, who do you think is gonna get married next? [Joey Tribbiani] Probably Monica and Chandler. [Woman] Hi. Could I have a pack of Newport Lights, please? [Gunther] Oh umm, uh we don't sell cigarettes, but they have them at the newsstand across the street. [Woman] That'd be great, thanks. [Rachel Green] Oh my God, Melissa Warburton. I don't think I have the energy for this. [Melissa Warburton] Oh my God! Ray-ray Green?! [Rachel Green] Melissa! [Melissa Warburton] You have been M.I.A for the past seven sorority newsletters, what's up with you?! [Rachel Green] Wh--Why don't I tell you over here? [Melissa Warburton] So last I heard you were gonna get married. Oh poor Ray-ray. [Rachel Green] Oh no-no, no! It's good! It's all good! I-I actually work at Ralph Lauren! [Melissa Warburton] Shut up! [Rachel Green] I will not! I'm the divisional head of men's sportswear! [Melissa Warburton] Oh shut up more! Now, are you friends with Ralph? [Rachel Green] Oh please... [Melissa Warburton] Are you?! [Rachel Green] No. [Melissa Warburton] Listen, we-we have to have dinner. What-what are you doing tomorrow night? [Rachel Green] Oh tomorrow, oh I don't know. Um... [Melissa Warburton] You do now. You're having dinner with me. [Rachel Green] Shut up. [Melissa Warburton] I-I've got to go. This has been so great Ray-ray! Oh, there you are. Umm, so listen, just call me. Here's my card. [Rachel Green] Oh, wow thanks! Oh you're in real estate! [Melissa Warburton] Oh no, that's-that's an old card. Umm, I wanted to get out of that and-and do something where I can really help people and-and make a difference. [Rachel Green] Wow! What do you do now? [Melissa Warburton] I'm a party planner. I'll see you tomorrow. [Rachel Green] Okay! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey guys! Look who's back! It's Ray-ray! [Rachel Green] Shut up that was my friend Melissa from college. [Ross Geller] She seems really, really fun! [Rachel Green] She's actually very sweet and we used to be very close. [Monica Geller] Wait a minute, she isn't... She's not the one who you... [Joey Tribbiani] Who you what? Who you what?! [Rachel Green] Yes. [Monica Geller] Wow! [Joey Tribbiani] Wow? Wow what?! Wow what?! Who you-what?!! [Rachel Green] It's not a big deal! [Monica Geller] They were lovers. [Ross Geller] What?! [Joey Tribbiani] What?! [Rachel Green] No we weren't! It was nothing! It was one night, senior year we went to a party, had a lot of sangria and y'know, ended up...kissing for a bit. [Ross Geller] So that's two of my wives. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Okay so this is where the band is. And this is where the bar is. And all these pins have people's names on them. And Rach, here you are. [Rachel Green] Oh wow. Why don't we just take me and put me with a Manhattan in my hand, talking to the cute bartender. These pins aren't for playing are they? [Monica Geller] Okay, the red ones are my guests and the blue ones are yours. [Chandler Bing] This is so sad. I mean, I only have like ten pins. [Monica Geller] Chandler, relax it's not a contest. Certainly not a close one. [Joey Tribbiani] Hello! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Rach. [Rachel Green] Stop picturing it!! [Monica Geller] Okay, I think that's it. The seating chart is done. This is our wedding. They all look like they're having fun don't they? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, so where are my parents gonna be? [Monica Geller] Oh! Let's see, well...if this is the wedding hall then umm you're parents will be at home in Queens. [Joey Tribbiani] What they're not invited?! Oh no, that's terrible! They're gonna be crushed! [Monica Geller] Why would they think they're invited? [Joey Tribbiani] You got me. I don't... [Monica Geller] Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I'm sorry. I thought parents were coming! Y'know? Your parents are comin'! Chandler's parents are comin'! Ross's parents are comin'! [Monica Geller] Ross's parents are my parents! [Joey Tribbiani] Well-well-see? Parents are comin'! [Chandler Bing] Y'know I think we should invite them. [Monica Geller] Oh please, you just want more blue pins. [Chandler Bing] Well this is just sad! [Monica Geller] All right, all right. Maybe I can fit them in if I just do some rearranging. But uh, Rachel may actually have to sit at the bar! [Rachel Green] That is not a problem. [Joey Tribbiani] Maybe you'll order a little sangria? [Rachel Green] Oh, get out of here! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] So now, these are all the tuxedos that we make and if there's anything that you like, we can make you a deal. Anything at all. But these are the three that Monica pre-approved. [Chandler Bing] Well, thanks a lot for hookin' me up Rach. I want you to know that I want you to attend our wedding as my guest. [Rachel Green] I'm Monica's maid of honor. Okay? Don't try to blue pin me! [Chandler Bing] Well, what's the deal with these? These-these look nice. [Rachel Green] Oh they are nice. We-we custom-make tuxedos for celebrities and then when they're done with them they just send 'em back. [Chandler Bing] You mean like for award shows? [Rachel Green] Some of them. [Chandler Bing] You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people yelling, "You are you wearing?! You look fabulous!" [Rachel Green] Honey, might I suggest watching a little more ESPN and a little less E!? [Chandler Bing] Okay, who wore those? [Rachel Green] Umm, well let's see uh, this one is Tom Brokaw. [Chandler Bing] Not bad. [Rachel Green] This one is uh Paul O'Neil. [Chandler Bing] Who's that? [Rachel Green] He plays for the Yankees. Seriously, ESPN! Just once and a while, have it on in the background. Ooh, this one was Pierce Brosnan! [Chandler Bing] Pierce Brosnan? [Rachel Green] Uh-huh. [Chandler Bing] Are you serious? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] 007?! This is James Bond's tux?! [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] Oh, I have to get married in James Bond's tux! [Rachel Green] It's a pretty cool tux. [Chandler Bing] Oh, it's not just that, I would be England's most powerful weapon. Jet setting heartbreaker on her majesty's secret service. A man who fears no one; with a license to kill. Would Monica let me wear this? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] We should really learn how to play the real way. [Phoebe Buffay] I like our way. Oh! Chess! [Joey Tribbiani] Nice move. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Rachel Green] So Joey I just hooked Ross and Chandler up with some tuxedos for the wedding, do you need one? [Joey Tribbiani] No, I'm performing the ceremony. I'm not wearing a tux. [Rachel Green] Well, what are you going to wear? [Joey Tribbiani] Multi-colored robes! Ooh, and maybe a hat. [Rachel Green] Huh. Does Monica know about this? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't think so. [Rachel Green] Can I please be there when you tell her? [Phoebe Buffay] Hey oh, Rach wait! Do you want to go to a movie tonight? [Rachel Green] Oh, y'know what? I can't. I have to have dinner with that Melissa girl. [Joey Tribbiani] Can I come?! I won't even talk! You'll just hear the noise from my video camera. [Phoebe Buffay] What is this? What's going on? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh good! Can I tell her?! Can I tell her?! [Rachel Green] Well, do you want to hear what actually happened or Joey's lewd version? [Phoebe Buffay] Joey's! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay... [Rachel Green] Hey, come on! I had this friend from college and I made the stupid mistake of telling Joey that one time...she and I y'know...kissed a little bit. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I'm sure that happened. [Rachel Green] It-it did! [Phoebe Buffay] Sure! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. It happened! [Rachel Green] Yeah, it was senior year in college. It was after the Sigma Chi luau and Melissa and I got very drunk! And we ended up kissing! For several minutes! [Phoebe Buffay] Which means she had a couple spritzers and a quick peck on the cheek. [Joey Tribbiani] Why are you taking this away from me? [Rachel Green] Yeah, why is it so hard for you to believe?! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay! I just-I didn't know that you are a lesbian. [Rachel Green] I'm not saying that I'm a lesbian! I'm just saying that this happened! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, it just seems pretty wild and you're so-y'know so...vanilla. [Rachel Green] Vanilla?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. [Rachel Green] I'm not vanilla! I've done lots of crazy things! I mean I got-I got drunk and married in Vegas! [Phoebe Buffay] To Ross. [Rachel Green] All right, y'know what? If you don't want to believe me about this, why don't you just come with me to dinner tonight and she will tell you. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay! All right! Yeah! 'Cause I just can't picture it. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh-ho, you should get inside my head. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! Guess what I got for your wedding! [Chandler Bing] A freakish thin date with a hanger for her head? [Ross Geller] No. Rachel hooked me up with a tux! But not just any tux, Batman's tux! [Chandler Bing] What? [Ross Geller] That's right! Made expressly for Val Kilmer and worn by him in the hit film...that Batman film he was in. [Chandler Bing] You can't wear that! I'm wearing the famous tux! James Bond's tux! [Ross Geller] So? [Chandler Bing] So-If you wear that you'll make mine less special. [Ross Geller] Well, you need something to make this day special? Hello! You-you-you have the most special thing of all! You are marrying the woman you love. [Chandler Bing] Please, don't take away my cool thing. Please?! Pretty please?! [Ross Geller] Pretty please? Not very uh, 007. [Chandler Bing] Look, it's my wedding day okay? If you were getting married I would never do anything to upset you. [Ross Geller] When I got married you slept with my sister. [Chandler Bing] That was pretty 007. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Monica Geller] Hey. Oh good-good you're here! All right, I figured it out. I'm gonna take two tables of eight, I'm gonna add your parents, and I'm gonna turn them into three tables of six. Okay? And I called the caterer; I added two extra meals, we are good to go! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, they're not coming. [Monica Geller] What?! [Joey Tribbiani] Somehow they got the idea that you only invited them because of me. They...feel a little unwanted. [Monica Geller] Oh that's too bad. It's true, but too bad. [Joey Tribbiani] Look Mon, if you could just call my mom... [Monica Geller] Oh Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Come on! Look just-just tell-let her know that you really want them to be there. Let's not forget, this is a woman that has sent you many lasagnas over the years. [Monica Geller] No she hasn't. [Joey Tribbiani] Is it her fault that some of them didn't make it to you? [Monica Geller] Well, what am I going to say? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know. Just uh, just tell 'em it was a mix-up with the invitations, or-No-no-no! Blame it on the post office. They hate the post office. And the Irish! But I don't think you can blame it on them so... [Monica Geller] Hello? Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? Hi, this is Monica Geller. Yeah I'm just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent weren't delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! T-Tell me about it! Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! What are they Irish?! --------------------------------------- [Melissa Warburton] ...anyway, his name is Allan and we've been going out for three years. He was my first client when I became a party planner. He was planning a party for his girlfriend at the time. Oh well. And he was Theta Beta Pi at Syracuse. [Rachel Green] Oh. Oh, that's great! [Melissa Warburton] Hmm Phoebe, were you ever in a sorority? [Phoebe Buffay] Of course! Yeah, I was uh, umm Thigh Mega Tampon. [Melissa Warburton] What one? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! Y'know, we were really huge too, but then they had to shut us down when Regina Philange died of alcohol poisoning. [Melissa Warburton] Oh, isn't a shame when one girl ruins it for the whole bunch? [Rachel Green] Anyway, speaking of drinking too much. I was uh, tellin' Phoebe about that one crazy night after the Sigma Chi luau where you and I uh, we made out. [Melissa Warburton] What? [Rachel Green] Remember?! We-come on both had the sarongs on, and we had the-the coconut bikini tops... [Melissa Warburton] Yeah? [Rachel Green] ...we went back the house and we got really silly and we...we made out. [Melissa Warburton] Oh wow, Ray-ray I have no idea what you're talking about. [Phoebe Buffay] Really?! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Ross is Batman! [Monica Geller] Well, he did manage to keep his identity secret for a long time. [Chandler Bing] Rachel got Ross the tuxedo that Val Kilmer wore in Batman. Okay Batman is so much cooler than James Bond! [Monica Geller] What are you talking about?! 007 has all those gadgets! [Chandler Bing] Batman has a utility belt! [Monica Geller] 007 has a fancy car! [Chandler Bing] Batman has the Batmobile! [Monica Geller] 007 gets all the ladies. [Chandler Bing] Batman has Robin! We get ESPN right? [Monica Geller] How about you go put on your 007 tuxedo and I'll make you a nice martini. [Chandler Bing] Actually, I don't like martinis. [Monica Geller] How about a Youhoo with a funny straw? [Chandler Bing] Ooh, yum! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Monica Geller] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Listen, I know the invitation says 6:00, but does that mean that you want people to get there at six, or the show is gonna start right at six? [Monica Geller] The show?! [Joey Tribbiani] Right. Right. The wedding, gotcha. But I mean, it's gonna start a little late right? I mean, weddings start late. Right? [Monica Geller] Have you ever been to one of my weddings? [Joey Tribbiani] Ah. Yeah. Well look, the thing is it's the same day as my niece's christening and I really want my parents to be there in time to see me. 'Cause my part's just in the beginning I'm not even in the rest of the show-Wedding! [Monica Geller] The wedding starts at six. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. Okay, I totally hear ya. Oo how about this? I vamp a little 'til they get there? [Monica Geller] You'll vamp?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Yeah y'know, like warm up the crowd. Ask 'em where they're from. 'Cause in Joey Tribbiani you get a minister and you get an entertainer. I'm a minis-tainer! There is no one better! There is no one greater! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] How can you not remember us kissing?! [Melissa Warburton] I don't know. I don't remember a lot of things that never happened. [Rachel Green] Wh... Come on! Remember? We were on the sleeping porch! We couldn't stop giggling? And our coconuts kept knockin' together? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, somewhere Joey's head is exploding. [Rachel Green] Yeah-but come on-Listen, I'm sorry I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I told Phoebe that it happened and she doesn't believe me. [Melissa Warburton] I'm sorry Ray-ray. I mean if I thought it happened I would say it. Maybe I passed out and you did stuff to me while I was sleeping. [Rachel Green] No!! [Phoebe Buffay] Rachel, it's okay. You don't have to do this. I believe you. All right? Okay, if-if you say that you kissed Melissa, then you kissed Melissa. [Rachel Green] Thank you Phoebe. [Melissa Warburton] She didn't. [Phoebe Buffay] I know. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! [Monica Geller] You just carry that around? [Ross Geller] Yes. I find it to be something of a conversation piece. [Monica Geller] Between you and... [Ross Geller] Gunther. Hey-hey! Why don't we put them on? Y'know get a picture of Batman and James Bond together. [Chandler Bing] I would but mine doesn't fit. The pants are a little tight. [Monica Geller] A little tight? I could see double-oh and seven in those pants. [Ross Geller] Well that stinks. I was looking forward to us wearing our celebrity tuxes together. [Chandler Bing] Well, does that mean that you're not going to wearing yours? [Ross Geller] What are you kidding? It's Batman's tux!! [Chandler Bing] Let me try it on! [Ross Geller] Okay, but just the jacket. Double-oh and seven are not gettin' in there. [Chandler Bing] Okay. Holy double-vented comfort Batman! What's this? [Ross Geller] What? [Chandler Bing] An invitation for the At First Sight premiere? Oh my God! Val Kilmer didn't wear this in Batman! He wore it to the premiere of some tooty-fruity love story where he played a blind guy! [Ross Geller] Let me see that! Oh man! [Chandler Bing] The only superpower you have is a slightly heightened sense of smell. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Uh, Monica? Chandler? Can I talk to you guys for a second? [Monica Geller] All right that's it, I give up! Whatever you want you can have it! You wanna sing a song? You wanna do a dance? You want your mom stand at the Alter and scream racial slurs? I don't care! [Joey Tribbiani] No! No, I-I just wanna thank you guys for what you did for my parents, that was really sweet. They're so happy they get to be a part of your special day. [Monica Geller] Oh. [Chandler Bing] Well, you're welcome. And tell them we're really glad they're coming. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. I will. Ohh! Check out what they got me to wear for the ceremony! Huh? I wear it like this when I marry you guys, and then this is for party time. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] It happened! I am telling you it happened! [Melissa Warburton] Okay. Well, it was great meeting you. And uh Rachel, I-I don't think I'll be calling you because umm, y'know you've gotten weird. Take care you guys. [Rachel Green] What?! Wait a minute! No wait a minute! Okay? Look, that night was the one wild thing I have ever done in my entire life, and I'm not gonna let you take that away from me! Okay, so if you don't remember that, maybe you will remember this! [Melissa Warburton] My God! You love me! [Rachel Green] What? [Melissa Warburton] Of course I remember our kiss. I think about it all the time. I can still hear the coconuts knockin' together I... I just didn't want to tell you 'cause I didn't think that you'd return my love, and now that you have... [Rachel Green] Whoa! Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [Melissa Warburton] Aww, look who's being suddenly shy. You can't tell me you don't feel what I feel. Nobody can kiss that good and not mean it. [Rachel Green] I-I-I-I'm just...I'm just a good kisser! [Melissa Warburton] Shut up! [Rachel Green] I'm sorry! [Melissa Warburton] Oh you don't have to be sorry. I'm...I'm obviously kidding. I'm not in love with you. I'm not in love with her. I don't hear coconuts banging together. Yeah, I don't...picture your face when I make love to my boyfriend. Anyway, I gotta go. Eh...kiss good-bye? No? Okay. [Rachel Green] Wow! I mean I had no idea that that was gonna... [Rachel Green] What the hell was that?! [Phoebe Buffay] I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. [Rachel Green] And? [Phoebe Buffay] I've had better. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] All right! I found one that fits! [Rachel Green] Well y'know what they say, the 23rd time's the charm. Aww, look at you all handsome! [Chandler Bing] Whose is it? [Rachel Green] Oh does it matter?! All that matters is that you look so handsome. [Chandler Bing] Whose is it? [Rachel Green] I don't want to say. [Chandler Bing] Oh, come on! I don't care! Come on! Whose is it? [Rachel Green] Diane Keeton.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e20", "title": "The One With Rachel's Big Kiss"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Vows [Monica Geller] Do you realize that four weeks from today we're getting married? Four weeks baby!! Four weeks!!! [Chandler Bing] Do you realize you get louder each week? [Monica Geller] There's still so much to do. Have you written your vows yet? [Chandler Bing] I figured I'd buy those. Pat, I'd like to buy a vow. [Monica Geller] Sweetie, you know I have no sense of humor when it comes to the wedding. [Chandler Bing] Right. So uh, have you written yours yet? [Monica Geller] No! But I know exactly what I'm going to say. [Chandler Bing] Do you happen to know what I'm going to say? [Monica Geller] Let's just do it right now. Okay? It won't be hard. Just say what's in your heart. [Chandler Bing] Look at her go! She must love me more than I love her! What's wrong with me? Ooh, don't open that door. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Monica, there are no words... There are no words! This should not be this hard! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, uh... Oh hey, you've done this before Ross, well what did you say when you made up your vows? [Ross Geller] Well with Carol, I promised never to love another woman until the day I die. She made no such promise. [Chandler Bing] I'm so pathetic! Monica knows what she wants to say! You should've seen her. Writing, writing, writing! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Monica what? [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Rachel Green] What is the emergency?! [Monica Geller] You have to help me! I'm supposed to be writing my vows and all I have is this! [Rachel Green] Well, I like the pretty little drawing of you in the wedding dress. [Monica Geller] Thank you. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, except your breasts look kinda small. [Monica Geller] Those are my eyes! Those are my breasts. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Yeah! [Ross Geller] Well, why don't you just start with something simple. Like umm, Monica from the moment I met you, I knew I loved you. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I'm not sure I can do that. [Ross Geller] ...everyone, this is Chandler! [Monica Geller] Hi, I'm Ross's little sister. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Rachel Green] Okay. Okay. Okay. Umm, maybe you can start with, "Chandler, even though we were friends; there was a part of me that always knew I wanted more." [Chandler Bing] All right, there's a nuclear holocaust, I'm the last man on Earth. Would you go out with me? [Monica Geller] Ennnh. [Monica Geller] Ooh, are we allowed to lie in the vows?! [Phoebe Buffay] Well maybe you don't talk about your feelings back then. Maybe you just say something about y'know all the things that he's taught you. Like... Or all the things you taught him. [Monica Geller] Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. You got one, two three, four , five, six, and seven! [Chandler Bing] There are seven?! That's one? [Monica Geller] It's kind of an important one! [Chandler Bing] Oh, y'know-y'know what, I was looking at it upside down. [Rachel Green] Well, y'know, sometimes that helps. [Monica Geller] All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7 ...7.....7...7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7...! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I got it! How about saying something like, "Monica... [Chandler Bing] Monica... [Joey Tribbiani] "...when I look back over our time together..." [Chandler Bing] Yeah? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I can't do everything! Look back over your time together. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute. [Monica Geller] No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two? [Chandler Bing] You'll get one. [Monica Geller] Oh yeah? When? [Chandler Bing] All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one? [Monica Geller] Why won't I be married when I'm 40? [Chandler Bing] Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically. [Monica Geller] Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40? [Chandler Bing] No, no, no. [Monica Geller] What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me? [Chandler Bing] Uh, uh. [Monica Geller] Well? [Chandler Bing] Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! [Ross Geller] I'm getting married today!! Ahh, whoo-hoo!! [Monica Geller] Do you think he knew I was here? [Chandler Bing] Nice try. [Monica Geller] Wait, wait, wait! [Chandler Bing] Look, Monica... [Monica Geller] Look! [Chandler Bing] This is not going to work. [Monica Geller] I bet this will work! [Chandler Bing] You are so great! I love you! [Monica Geller] What? [Chandler Bing] Nothing! I said, I said "You're so great" and then I just, I just stopped talking! [Monica Geller] You said you loved me! I can't believe this! [Chandler Bing] No I didn't! [Monica Geller] Yes, you did! [Chandler Bing] No I didn't! [Monica Geller] You love me! [Chandler Bing] No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! [Chandler Bing] Y'know I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here? [Monica Geller] Then all your stuff would be here. [Chandler Bing] Well, what if all my stuff was here? [Monica Geller] Then you'd be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesn't make any sense. [Chandler Bing] Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what I'm saying? [Monica Geller] You wanted it to be a surprise. [Chandler Bing] Oh my God. [Monica Geller] Chandler... In all my life... I never thought I would be so lucky. As to...fall in love with my best...my best... There's a reason why girls don't do this! [Chandler Bing] Okay! Okay! Okay! I'll do it! Oh God, I thought... Wait a minute, I-I can do this. I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And if you'll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me? [Monica Geller] Yes. [Joey Tribbiani] Can we come it yet?! We're dying out here! [Monica Geller] Come in! Come in! We're engaged!!! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey, what have you guys been up to? [Ross Geller] Oh, we were helping Chandler write his vows, but he kicked us out because Joey kept making inappropriate suggestions. [Joey Tribbiani] How is "Monica, I love your sweet ass," inappropriate? [Ross Geller] How's Monica coming along with her vows? [Phoebe Buffay] Well let's just say its she's lucky she has a sweet ass, 'cause she's not so good at the writing. [Ross Geller] I can't believe in four weeks they're gonna be married! [Phoebe Buffay] Well let's just hope it works. Y'know nine out of ten marriages end in divorce? [Ross Geller] Phoebe that's not true. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, you're right. How's the Mrs.? [Rachel Green] I can't believe they've been together for three years. [Joey Tribbiani] Has it been that long?! [Ross Geller] Believe me, it seems like less because they hid it from us for so long. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in! [Chandler Bing] I've had a very long, hard day. [Joey Tribbiani] Ahh, I'm gonna go get some chicken. Want some? [Chandler Bing] Ahh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Chandler Bing] Are you okay? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me about chicken. [Monica Geller] Chicken? I could eat some chicken. [Chandler Bing] Hey Joe! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke--Diet Coke. [Rachel Green] I don't know why they didn't just tell us. [Joey Tribbiani] I know! I mean it's not like we weren't cool about it. [Joey Tribbiani] You?! And-and you?! [Monica Geller] Yes, but you cannot tell anyone! No one knows! [Joey Tribbiani] How?! When?! [Chandler Bing] It happened in London. [Joey Tribbiani] IN LONDON!!! [Chandler Bing] The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it. [Joey Tribbiani] But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone! [Chandler Bing] No-no-no-no-no! You can't! [Monica Geller] Please? Please?! We just don't want to deal with telling everyone, okay? Just promise you won't tell. [Joey Tribbiani] All right! Man, this is unbelievable! [Monica Geller] I can't wait to be with you! I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours. [Chandler Bing] Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname? [Monica Geller] Awww, y'know what your nickname is, Mr. Big... [Rachel Green] Arghh!! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!! [Rachel Green] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] Ahhh!! Chandler and Monica!! Chandler and Monica!! [Rachel Green] Oh my God! [Phoebe Buffay] CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!! [Rachel Green] OH MY GOD!!! [Phoebe Buffay] OH!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!! [Rachel Green] Phoebe!! Phoebe!! It's okay!! It's okay!! [Phoebe Buffay] NO! THEY'RE DOING IT!!! [Rachel Green] I KNOW!! I KNOW!! I KNOW! [Phoebe Buffay] YOU KNOW?!!! [Rachel Green] Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know so you have to stop screaming!! [Ross Geller] What's going on? [Phoebe Buffay] Ohhh!!! [Rachel Green] HI!! Hi! [Ross Geller] What?! What?! [Rachel Green] Nothing! Oh God, we're just so excited that you want to get this apartment! [Ross Geller] Actually, it looks really good. [Phoebe Buffay] Get in here!!! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, so now they know that you know and they don't know that Rachel knows? [Joey Tribbiani] Yes, but y'know what? It doesn't matter who knows what. Now, enough of us know that we can just tell them that we know! Then all the lying and the secrets would finally be over! [Phoebe Buffay] Or, we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own [Rachel Green] All right honey, we'd better go if we wanna catch that movie. [Monica Geller] Bye! [#ALL#] Bye! [Phoebe Buffay] Bye Chandler! I miss you already. [Chandler Bing] Okay, did you see that?! With the inappropriate and the pinching!! [Monica Geller] Actually, I did! [Chandler Bing] Okay, so now do you believe that she's attracted to me? [Monica Geller] Ohhh, oh my God! Oh my God! She knows about us! [Chandler Bing] Phoebe knows about us! [Joey Tribbiani] Well I didn't tell them! [Monica Geller] Them?! Who's them? [Joey Tribbiani] Uhhh, Phoebe and Joey. [Monica Geller] Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] And Rachel. I would've told you but they made me promise not to tell! [Monica Geller] Oh man, they think they are so slick messing with us! But see they don't know that we know that they know! So... [Chandler Bing] Ahh yes, the messers become the messies! [Phoebe Buffay] I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye! Oh my God! He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more! [Rachel Green] Are you kidding?! [Phoebe Buffay] No! [Rachel Green] I can not believe he would do that to Mon-Whoa! Joey, do they know that we know? [Joey Tribbiani] No. [Rachel Green] Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] They know you know. [Rachel Green] Ugh, I knew it! Oh I cannot believe those two! [Phoebe Buffay] God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! Joey, you can't say anything! [Joey Tribbiani] I couldn't even if I wanted too. [Chandler Bing] Listen, this is totally getting out of hand! Okay? She wants me to put lotion on her! [Monica Geller] She's bluffing! [Chandler Bing] Look, she's not backing down! She went like this! [Phoebe Buffay] He's not backing down. He went to get lotion. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?! [Rachel Green] Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open. [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh! [Rachel Green] Okay! [Joey Tribbiani] I like that! Oh, okay! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras! Can't work 'em! [Phoebe Buffay] Joey! Wow, you didn't rip off any buttons. [Joey Tribbiani] It's not my first time. [Monica Geller] You go back out there and you seduce her till she cracks! [Chandler Bing] Okay, give me a second! Did you clean up in here? [Monica Geller] Of course. [Chandler Bing] Oh, you're-you're going? [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, not without you, lover. So, this is my bra. [Chandler Bing] It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very happy were gonna have all the sex. [Phoebe Buffay] You should be. I'm very bendy. I'm gonna kiss you now. [Chandler Bing] Not if I kiss you first. [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh. [Chandler Bing] Well, I guess there's nothing left for us to do but-but kiss. [Phoebe Buffay] Here it comes. Our first kiss. [Chandler Bing] Okay! Okay! Okay! You win! You win!! I can't have sex with ya! [Phoebe Buffay] And why not?! [Chandler Bing] Because I'm in love with Monica!! [Phoebe Buffay] You're-you're what?! [Chandler Bing] Love her! That's right, I...LOVE...HER!!! I love her!! I love you, Monica. [Monica Geller] I love you too Chandler. [Phoebe Buffay] I just-I thought you guys were doing it, I didn't know you were in love! [Joey Tribbiani] So that's it! It's over! Everybody knows! [Monica Geller] Well actually, Ross doesn't. [Chandler Bing] Yes, and we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet. [Ross Geller] No! No! Wh... What are you doing?!! GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know, you're friend's getting married, it's gotta change things. [Rachel Green] You really think it would be that different? [Phoebe Buffay] How could it not be? I mean pretty soon they're gonna be having kids, and then they're just gonna be hanging out with other couples who have kids. And then maybe they're gonna have to leave the city to be near a Volvo dealership. [Rachel Green] Well, things change. [Joey Tribbiani] I don't want them to move to a Volvo dealership! [Ross Geller] It'll be okay Joe. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm sorry, I just...I like things the way they are. [Rachel Green] Hey, who's this little naked guy? [Ross Geller] That little naked guy would be me. [Rachel Green] Aww, look at the little thing. [Ross Geller] Yes, yes, fine, that is my penis. Can we be grown-ups now? [Chandler Bing] Who are those people? [Ross Geller] Got me. [Monica Geller] Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'. [Rachel Green] Wow, Monica, you look just like your grandmother. How old was she there? [Monica Geller] Let's see, 1939... yeah, 24, 25? [Ross Geller] Looks like a fun gang. [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh, look-look-look-look-look! I got Monica naked! [Ross Geller] Nono, that would be me again. [Monica Geller] Hey, you guys! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Chandler Bing] What's going on? [Rachel Green] Well, we were just talkin' about you guys gettin' married and how great it is. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, you can get a Volvo. If that's what you really want. [Monica Geller] Oh that's so sweet. [Chandler Bing] So we both finished our vows. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Rachel Green] Oh, can we read them? [Monica Geller] Yeah, I don't hear Chandler's and he doesn't hear mine. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, that's beautiful. [Joey Tribbiani] Funny one! That's good! [Rachel Green] Monica, will-will you marry me? [Joey Tribbiani] What? I don't get it. [Ross Geller] Oh man, this is hilarious. [Monica Geller] Chandler!! [Chandler Bing] Don't worry honey, we'll make yours funnier. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Okay, what do you guys think? [Ross Geller] Dude! [Joey Tribbiani] I have never known love like this. [Chandler Bing] You really like it? [Ross Geller] Dude! How-how did you write this? [Chandler Bing] I stole Monica's and changed the name. [Ross Geller] You can't do that! [Joey Tribbiani] If he goes first he can!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e21", "title": "The One With The Vows"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Chandler's Dad [Ross Geller] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey uh Mon, I saw the Porsche parked out front, can I get the keys? Thought I'd take that bad boy out for a little spin. [Rachel Green] Wait a minute! You let Ross drive the Porsche and when I ask you, you say you're the only one who's allowed to drive it. [Monica Geller] Yeah, well he's my brother! And plus he drives so slow he could never hurt it. [Ross Geller] It's a car Monica! Not a rocket ship! [Monica Geller] Whatever Ross! Just replace the bulbs in the brake lights after you're done. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Saw the Porsche out there Mon, lookin' good. When do I get to take that baby out again? [Rachel Green] You let Joey drive it?! [Phoebe Buffay] I've never driven it! Okay? Not once! Okay once. Okay, I drive it all the time. [Monica Geller] Nice work everybody! So much for the y'know, "You can drive it, but don't tell Rachel" plan! [Rachel Green] Wow! I can't believe you lied to me. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I can fix this! Okay Monica, Rachel thinks all you can talk about is the wedding. [Monica Geller] Great! Well Rachel, the reason why I won't let you drive the Porsche is because you're a terrible driver. There! That wasn't about the wedding. [Ross Geller] Look Rach if-if you want to go for a ride in the Porsche I'll be glad to take you for a quick spin around the block. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, you got a couple hours? --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Whew! That was a brisk ride! [Rachel Green] Take the top down did ya? [Ross Geller] Only way to fly. [Rachel Green] Come on Ross give me the keys! Monica does not know what she's talking about! I am an excellent driver! [Ross Geller] You're fast and irresponsible. That adds up to a bad driver. [Rachel Green] Well in High School, that added up to head cheerleader. [Ross Geller] Did you see the look that girl just gave me? Huh? She must've seen me cruising in the bad boy. [Rachel Green] I think she's checking out your beehive Ross. [Ross Geller] What?! Give-give me a brush. [Rachel Green] Gimme the keys! [Ross Geller] No way! [Rachel Green] Well no brush! [Ross Geller] Fine! Y'know what? It doesn't matter, because, if I remember correctly, there is a comb on the floor of the bathroom. [Rachel Green] Alimony. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Chandler, we still haven't gotten an RSVP from your dad. [Chandler Bing] Oh! Right. Umm, maybe that's because I didn't send him an invitation. [Monica Geller] Chandler! He's your father; he should be at the wedding. [Chandler Bing] I don't even know the man. Okay? We're not the close. I haven't seen him in years. [Monica Geller] Well what are you gonna do when he finds out he wasn't even asked?! [Chandler Bing] Well he doesn't have to know! It's not like we run in the same circles. I hang out with you guys, and he stars in a drag show in Vegas. [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, I think I wanna trade circles. [Chandler Bing] Trust me, you don't want him there either. Okay? Nobody is gonna be staring at the bride when the father of the groom is wearing a back-less dress. [Monica Geller] So what! As long as he's not wearing a white dress and a veil I don't care. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I think I need to do some shopping. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ahhh! Ooh, nice! [Rachel Green] My God! [Ross Geller] What do you think you're doing?! [Rachel Green] Just washing the windshield. [Ross Geller] There is no way I am letting you drive this car! So why don't you just hand over the keys? [Rachel Green] Oh. [Ross Geller] No ah-ah-ah! Do not start this car! Okay! Okay! I will give you twenty bucks if you get out of this car right now! [Rachel Green] Look Ross, if you're so freaked out, just get in the car! [Ross Geller] With you?! Yeah right! [Rachel Green] All right. [Ross Geller] Okay! Okay! Okay! [Rachel Green] What are you doing?! Get in the front! [Ross Geller] In the death seat?!! [Rachel Green] Oh my... --------------------------------------- [Man] Hey guys! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey sweetie! [Man] Ready to go? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! Sure! Ooh, I left my purse up at Monica's. I'll be right back. [Man] Wait a minute! [Phoebe Buffay] What? Oh. Ooh. Whoa! That one kept going. [Joey Tribbiani] So! You and Phoebe huh? How long have you been going out? [Man] Over a month. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! Maybe uh, maybe you and I ought to get to know each other a little better. [Man] Sure, I'd like that. [Joey Tribbiani] So uh, what's your name? [Man] Its Jake. [Joey Tribbiani] Joey. Hey Jake, do you like the Knicks? [Jake] Yeah, big fan. [Joey Tribbiani] Me too! There's a game on Tuesday do you wanna go? [Jake] Yeah that would be great! Let me make sure I'm not doing anything Tuesday. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Here! [Chandler Bing] What's this? [Monica Geller] It's your suitcase. We're going to Las Vegas. [Chandler Bing] Are you serious?! I mean like eloping?! No more stupid wedding stuff?! No more these flowers or these flowers or these flowers-Think of the money we'll save!! We're not eloping. I love the flowers. Can our wedding be bigger please? [Monica Geller] We're going to Las Vegas to see your dad. It's time you two talked, and I want to get to know my father-in-law. [Chandler Bing] Y'know we already went over this and I won! [Monica Geller] No you didn't. Oh and honey just so you know, now that you're marrying me, you don't get to win anymore. [Chandler Bing] Look forget it okay? I don't want to go. I don't want to see him. I don't wanna. [Monica Geller] Chandler, look I-I know that your dad embarrassed you. I know... [Chandler Bing] No-no all kids are embarrassed by their parents, you'd have to come up with a whole new word for what I went through. When I was in High School, he used to come to all of my swim meets dressed as a different Hollywood starlet. Y'know it's hard enough to be fourteen. You're skinny. You're wearing speedoes-That your mom promised that you would grow into! And you look up into the stands and there's your dad cheering you on dressed as Carmen Miranda. We was wearing a headdress with real fruit that he will later hand out to your friends as a healthy snack! [Monica Geller] Hey, the point is that he was at everyone of your swim meets and he was there cheering you on! Okay? That's a, that's a pretty great dad. [Chandler Bing] He had sex with Mr. Girabaldi! [Monica Geller] Who's Mr. Girabaldi? [Chandler Bing] Does it matter?! [Monica Geller] Chandler, you're not fourteen anymore. Okay? Maybe it's time that you let that stuff go. If your father's not at your wedding...you're gonna regret it for the rest of your life. [Chandler Bing] Yeah o-okay, but I'm just doing this for you. [Monica Geller] Yes! [Chandler Bing] So I really never get to win anymore? [Monica Geller] How much did ever really win before? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Pheebs! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Listen, you know how uh, when you're wearing pants and you lean forward I check out your underwear? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, when Jake did it I saw that...he was wearing women's underwear! [Phoebe Buffay] I know. They were mine. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh. No! No wait, that's weird! [Phoebe Buffay] No, it's not! We were just goofing around and I dared him to try them on. [Joey Tribbiani] That's weird! [Phoebe Buffay] I'm wearing his briefs right now. [Joey Tribbiani] That's...kinda hot. [Phoebe Buffay] I think so too. And that little flap? Great for holding my lipstick. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I wouldn't know about that. [Phoebe Buffay] And! Y'know what Jake says? That women's underwear is actually more comfortable. And he loves the way the silk feels against his skin. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah well next thing you know, he'll be telling you that your high heels are good for his posture! [Phoebe Buffay] There is nothing wrong with Jake! Okay? He is all man! I'm thinking even more than you. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah, he looked like a real lumberjack in those pink laceys. [Phoebe Buffay] I'm just saying that only a man completely secure with his masculinity could walk around in women's underwear! I don't think you could ever do that. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! I am secure with my masculinity. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay whatever. [Joey Tribbiani] You've seen my huge stack of porn right? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] God. I forgot how much I love driving. I have got to get my license renewed. [Ross Geller] You don't have a valid driver's license-Okay that is it! Pull over right now! [Rachel Green] Oh Ross you're so tense! You just gotta relax okay? Just need to relax all right? Just need to relax... [Ross Geller] What-what are you doing?! Are you-Okay that's not funny! Just stop horsing around! [Rachel Green] I am not horsing around okay? I am Porsching around. [Rachel Green] Uh-oh. [Ross Geller] Okay, stay calm. Nothing is going to happen to you, you are not in that much trouble. [Rachel Green] Really? You think so? [Ross Geller] I was talking to myself! You're going down! --------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- [Waiter In Drag] You're straight. I get it. [Monica Geller] I still say that if we had called your dad we coulda gotten better seats. [Chandler Bing] No! No! I don't want him to know we're yet! I'm not sure I'm ready for that. And besides he's not gonna be too happy to see me either. [Monica Geller] Why not?! [Chandler Bing] I don't know if I've told you this, but he's kinda tried to get in contact with me a lot over the last few years [Monica Geller] What?! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, he's made phone calls, written letters, he even came to New York, but I always said I was too busy to see him. Y'know it's all very Cats in the Cradle-I don't want to get into it. Here we go. [Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen please welcome the incomparable Helena Handbasket! [Helena] Hello darlings. [Chandler Bing] And there's daddy! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Okay. Switch places with me! Switch places with me! Come on! I'll go under, you go over! [Ross Geller] Yeah, I'll get right on that. [Rachel Green] Oh come on Ross!! [Ross Geller] No Rach! Come on! No-no! Yeah, I'm sure we won't get arrested for this. [Rachel Green] Hi officer, was I going a little too fast? [Ross Geller] Oh my God. [Policeman] Can I see your license please? [Rachel Green] Oh yes, absolutely! Y'know, it's weird uh, but I had a dream last night where I was stopped by a policeman. And then he uh...well I probably shouldn't tell you the rest. [Policeman] Your license? [Rachel Green] Yes. Here you go Officer uh, Handsome. [Policeman] That's Hanson. [Rachel Green] Oops sorry, my mistake. [Ross Geller] Dear Lord!! [Policeman] Wow! [Ross Geller] Here it comes. [Policeman] This is a great picture. [Rachel Green] Really?! You think so? Y'know, I had just rolled out of bed. [Policeman] Yeah? Well you look phenomenal. [Ross Geller] Well she should, it was taken ten years ago! [Rachel Green] Y'know you're-you're probably wondering about the old date on there. [Policeman] Yes I am. [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Policeman] You're an Aquarius, huh? [Rachel Green] I bet you're a Gemini. [Policeman] Nope. [Rachel Green] Taurus? [Policeman] Nope. [Rachel Green] Virgo? [Policeman] Nope. [Rachel Green] Sagittarius? [Policeman] Yep. [Rachel Green] I knew it! I knew it, ahh.... [Policeman] Well I tell you what... [Rachel Green] Yeah? [Policeman] You're not gonna speed anymore right? [Rachel Green] I won't speed. [Policeman] And you promise you'll get this taken care of right away? [Rachel Green] I promise. [Policeman] And in the meantime you better let him drive. Does he have a license? [Rachel Green] Yeah! [Policeman] Can he handle the stick? [Rachel Green] Oh well... [Ross Geller] I can handle the stick!! --------------------------------------- [Helena] I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and... [#ALL#] Gay! [Monica Geller] That can't be your father. [Chandler Bing] Believe me, I've been saying that for years. Oh my God! [Monica Geller] What? [Chandler Bing] That's Mr. Girabaldi playing the piano. [Helena] For I'm loved by a pretty wonderful boy! Hello! And welcome to the show. I see some of our regulars in the audience. And a couple of irregulars. [Chandler Bing] He's coming into the audience. He's coming into the audience. [Monica Geller] Relax! You'll be fine. Oh much better. You're invisible now. [Helena] Where are you from? [Guy] Bakersfield. [Helena] I'm sorry? [Guy] Bakersfield! [Helena] No-no I heard! I'm just sorry. [Chandler Bing] It can't happen like this. Okay? I'll meet you back at the hotel. [Helena] Oh look, a standing ovation already! So early in the show. Oh turn around honey; let me see your pretty face. [Monica Geller] Can we have our drinks please?! Waiter-Uh, tress! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Pheebs! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Check it out. How much of a man am I?! [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! Nice! Manly and also kind of a slut. [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know, I'm beginning to see what Jake was talking about. [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh. [Joey Tribbiani] The silk? Feels really good! [Phoebe Buffay] Huh. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! And-and things aren't as...smashed down as I thought they were gonna be. [Phoebe Buffay] That's great Joe! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! And you have so many more choices than you do with men's underwear! [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh. [Joey Tribbiani] Bikini, French cut, thong! And-and the fabrics! You've got cotton, silk, lace! And y'know what I've always wondered about? [Phoebe Buffay] Hmm? [Joey Tribbiani] Pantyhose! Y'know? They way they start at your toe and go all the way up to here... I should go take these off shouldn't I? [Phoebe Buffay] I think it's important that you do. --------------------------------------- [Helena] So what's your name? [Chandler Bing] Chandler. [Helena] Chandler? What an unusual name! You must've had terribly fascinating parents. [Chandler Bing] Oh, they're a hoot. [Helena] And who is your friend? [Monica Geller] I'm-I'm Monica. [Helena] Monica! Where are you from? [Monica Geller] New York. [Helena] I'm not very fond of New York. Queens I like. Ooh, what is this sparkle something! Honey! Huh? [Chandler Bing] Actually Monica and I are engaged. [Helena] Really?! Congratulations. When's the big day? [Monica Geller] In...in two weeks. [Helena] I see. Well, I wish you both a lifetime of happiness. So you're bald? [Chandler Bing] Wait! Wait! We'd really love it if you could be there. [Helena] We? [Chandler Bing] I know it would make me happy, ma'am. [Helena] Well I wouldn't miss it for the world. Oh! I'm getting all misty here! You'd think I was having my legs waxed or something. [Monica Geller] You okay? [Chandler Bing] Yeah. Thanks for making me do this. [Helena] Before we go on with the show, I just want to say to the bride and groom how lucky they are to have found each other. In every life, a little rain must fall. Fortunately, in my life... It's raining men! [The Chorus Line] Hallelujah! [Helena] It's raining men! [The Chorus Line] Amen! [Chandler Bing] When I was growing up I...played the one on the far left. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Remind me to introduce you to someone! [Ross Geller] Who? [Rachel Green] Fourth gear!! [Ross Geller] What?! What does he want?! I wasn't doing anything! [Rachel Green] Well maybe he saw your hand slip briefly from the ten and two o'clock position. [Ross Geller] Maybe it's uh Sergeant Sagittarius coming back to flirt some more! [Rachel Green] It's a different guy! [Ross Geller] Good evening officer. [Policeman] Do you know how fast you were traveling back there? [Ross Geller] Ah no. I don't, but it could not have been more than sixty. [Policeman] You're right. It was 37. [Ross Geller] I mean you're not gonna give me a-a ticket for driving too slow are ya? [Policeman] That's right. [Ross Geller] Y'know of-officer I uh...I had the weirdest dream last night... [Rachel Green] Oh my God! [Policeman] Your license please. [Ross Geller] You don't-you don't want to hear about my dream Officer...Pretty? [Policeman] It's Petty. I'll be right back with your ticket. [Rachel Green] You have a son! [Ross Geller] I know. I know. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Feel better? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Much! Listen uh, not that I'm y'know insecure about my manhood or anything y'know, but I think I need to hook up with a woman like right now. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I understand. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Okay! Hey! Hi! [Woman] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know, you look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere? [Woman] I don't think so. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh! Maybe it's because I'm on television. I'm an actor on Days of Our Lives. [Woman] Wow! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Woman] Really?! [Joey Tribbiani] Hm-mmm. [Waitress] $4.50 please. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, let me get this. These are for you.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e22", "title": "The One With Chandler's Dad"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Monica and Chandler's Wedding, Part 1 [Monica Geller] Do you realize this is probably the last time we'll all be here in the coffee house as six single people? [Phoebe Buffay] Why?! What's happening to the coffee house?! Oh! [Chandler Bing] Yep! From now on its gonna be the four of you guys and me and the misses. The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain. [Monica Geller] Old? [Chandler Bing] The young hot ball and chain. [Monica Geller] That's much better. [Rachel Green] Op! We gotta go! [Ross Geller] Oh, where are you guys going? [Monica Geller] We're gonna pick up the wedding dress then we're gonna have lunch with mom. [Ross Geller] Ah. Joey you're-you're having lunch with my mom? [Joey Tribbiani] No, I-I just heard lunch. But yeah, I can go. Sure! [Ross Geller] Y'know what? Actually I'm kinda glad they're leaving 'cause uh, I need to talk to you about something. [Chandler Bing] What's up? [Ross Geller] Well this uh, this may be a little awkward. [Chandler Bing] Listen, if you want to borrow money, its kind of a bad time. I'm buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night. [Ross Geller] No, its...Its not that. Umm, now what I'm going to say to you, I'm not saying as your friend. Okay? I'm-I'm saying as it as Monica's older brother. [Chandler Bing] But you're still my friend? [Ross Geller] Not for the next few minutes. [Chandler Bing] During this time...are you, are you still my best man? [Ross Geller] Nope. [Chandler Bing] Do I still call you Ross? [Ross Geller] Okay! You guys are getting married tomorrow and-and I couldn't be more thrilled for both of you, but as Monica's older brother I-I have to tell you this. If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down, and kick your ass! What? I'm-I'm-I'm serious! Come-Hey! Dude! Stop it! Okay? I'm-I'm not kidding here! [Chandler Bing] Hey, I hear what your saying, okay? And, thanks for the warning. [Ross Geller] No problem. [Chandler Bing] So are we...friends again? [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] Okay. You won't believe what Monica's older brother just said to me! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] What 'cha doing Mon? [Monica Geller] I'm making a list of all the things that are most likely to go wrong at the wedding. Now, that way I can be prepared. [Phoebe Buffay] What are they? [Monica Geller] Well, so far I have uh, my bride's maids dresses won't get picked up, my veil gets lost, or I don't have my something blue. [Rachel Green] Hey! Those are all the things I'm responsible for! [Monica Geller] I had to go with the odds Rach. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! You guys! Remember that audition I had a while ago and didn't get the part? [Rachel Green] The commercial? [Joey Tribbiani] No! [Phoebe Buffay] That play? [Joey Tribbiani] No! [Monica Geller] That other play? [Joey Tribbiani] Nooo! [Phoebe Buffay] The movie? [Joey Tribbiani] Yes!! [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh! [Joey Tribbiani] Yes that's the one about the soldiers who fight in World War I! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, yeah! Back then y'know, we called the Great War. It really was! [Joey Tribbiani] Well anyway, the guy they wanted backed out and now they want me! I start shooting today! [Phoebe Buffay] Congratulations! [Rachel Green] Oh that's great! [Monica Geller] Wait! Wait! Wait! You can't start today! Today's the rehearsal dinner! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh no, I'll be done by then. [Monica Geller] Oh. Well then way to go you big movie star! [Joey Tribbiani] I know! All right, I'll see you guys over there! I'm off to fight the Nazis. [Rachel Green] Oh, wait Joey! We fought the Nazis in World War II, not World War I. [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa! Okay. Yeah well, who-who was in World War I? [Phoebe Buffay] Go ahead. [Rachel Green] You're gonna be late! Go! Go! [Monica Geller] Who did we fight in World War I? [Rachel Green] Mexico? [Phoebe Buffay] Yes! Very good. --------------------------------------- [The Assistant Director] Hey Joey! We're ready. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Me too. [The Assistant Director] Richard? We're ready for you. Joey Tribbiani? This is Richard Crosby he's playing Vincent. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm doing my scenes with you? [Richard Burke] Nice to meet you Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! I can't believe this! This is incredible. I mean you just won an Oscar! [Richard Burke] No I didn't. [Joey Tribbiani] I think you did. [Richard Burke] I think I lost. Three times. [Joey Tribbiani] Uh...Cookie? [The Director] Okay! We're about an hour away from getting the scene lit. So uh, if you guys don't mind, can we run it a couple of times? [Richard Burke] Yeah, sure. [The Director] Okay, all right. Let's do it. And...Action! [Joey Tribbiani] We have to find the rest of the platoon! [Richard Burke] Forget the platoon! The platoon is gone! [Joey Tribbiani] What?! [Richard Burke] The platoon is dead! Face facts Tony! [Joey Tribbiani] So what are we gonna do?! We have no reinforcements! No-no food! [Richard Burke] No, we still have food in the basement! I saw potatoes and some dry pasta! [The Director] Hang on a minute! Joey, you keep touching your face. Is something wrong? [Joey Tribbiani] No. Nope, I uh...I th-I thought it might be kind of a cool character thing. Y'know? He's uh, he's a face toucher. [The Director] I don't think so. Let's take it back to Richard's last line. Action! [Richard Burke] We may not have any weapons, but we still have food. In the basement I saw potatoes and some dry pasta, and a few tins of tuna! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Honey, we gotta go! [Chandler Bing] Okay. Here's a question you never have to ask. My dad just called and wanted to know if he could borrow one of your pearl necklaces. [Monica Geller] I don't have anything like that, but let me go see if Rachel does. [Chandler Bing] Yes, include more people in this. [Monica Geller] Hey, do you realize that at this time tomorrow we'll be getting married? [Chandler Bing] Wait a minute! I have a date tomorrow night. [Monica Geller] I just, I can't believe that we made it! [Chandler Bing] Well you don't have to sound so surprised. [Monica Geller] I'm sorry but...nothing. [Chandler Bing] What? [Monica Geller] Well...honestly ever since we got engaged I have been waiting for something to, to flip you out. [Chandler Bing] Honestly? Me too. [Monica Geller] Really? [Chandler Bing] Yeah. Y'know I keep thinking that something stupid is gonna come up and I'll go all...Chandler. But nothing has. [Monica Geller] Ohh, I'm so glad. Thank you so much for staying so calm during this. I mean it's really, it's made me stay calm. I coulda been worse! [Chandler Bing] Okay. I'll be right there. [Monica Geller] Hi! If you're calling before Saturday, you've reached Monica and Chandler. But if you're calling after Saturday, you've reached Mr. and Mrs. Bing! Please leave a message for the Bings! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey Maureen! Gosh! Hey uh, Chandler? This is my cousin Maureen. [Chandler Bing] We're the Bings. [Rachel Green] Hi! Oh you guys look so beautiful! [Chandler Bing] Mr. and Mrs. Bing! [Ross Geller] Wow Monica! Hey, just so you know I had my uh, older brother chat with Chandler. [Monica Geller] What is that? [Ross Geller] Well I...I told him that if he ever hurt you I would hunt him down and kick his ass! What?! What?! What is the matter with everybody?! I am serious! I would kick his ass! [Phoebe Buffay] Ross, please! My make-up! [Chandler Bing] Hi. [Nora Tyler Bing] Chandler! [Chandler Bing] Mom. Thanks for wearing something. [Nora Tyler Bing] Oh honey! This is so exciting! I thought we screwed you up so bad this day would never come. Oh and just think. Soon there'll be lots of little Bings. [Monica Geller] Mrs. Bing? Here, these are my parents umm, Judy and Jack Geller. [Judy Geller] It's lovely to meet you. [Jack Geller] So are you his mother or his father? [Judy Geller] Jack! [Jack Geller] What?! I've never seen one before! [Monica Geller] Dad! There's Ross , why don't you go talk to him? [Jack Geller] I didn't even have a chance to act as though I'm okay with it! [Charles Bing] Hello all! [Chandler Bing] Hi...dad. [Monica Geller] Hi Mr....Bing. [Charles Bing] Nora! [Nora Tyler Bing] Charles. [Monica Geller] It-it's so great to see you both here. [Charles Bing] Yes! Although, I think we may be seeing a little too much of some people. Aren't you a little old to be wearing a dress like that? [Nora Tyler Bing] Don't you have a little too much penis to be wearing a dress like that? [Chandler Bing] Oh my God! [Jack Geller] ...of course you can kick his ass son. [Judy Geller] You could kick anyone's ass you want too. [Ross Geller] Thanks you guys. [Monica Geller] Oh, Rach! Rach! Umm hey, could you do me a favor and would talk to Chandler's dad and try to keep him away from Chandler's mom? [Rachel Green] Yeah! But I don't know what he looks like! [Monica Geller] He is the man in the black dress. [Rachel Green] Man in the black dress... Hi! I'm Rachel! I'm a friend of Monica and Chandler's! [Woman] I'm Amanda. [Rachel Green] Oh I get it! A...man...duh! [Ross Geller] Can I have everyone's attention please? I'm uh; I'm Ross Geller. [Jack Geller] Doctor Ross Geller. [Ross Geller] Dad...dad, please! As I was saying umm, I'm Dr. Ross Geller. Uhh, and I'm the best man. And uh, this marriage is doubly special for me umm, because not only is the groom my best friend but uh, the bride is my little sister. And, she's the greatest sister a guy could ask for. So if you'd all please join me in raising a glass to the, the couple we're here to celebrate. To the Bings. [#ALL#] To the Bings! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] All right, I'm gonna go steam my wedding dress okay? Who wants the responsibility of making sure nothing happens to it? [Rachel Green] I'll do it. [Monica Geller] Who wants it? Anybody? [Rachel Green] I said I'll do it! [Monica Geller] Nobody wants to do it? All right, I'll do it myself. [Rachel Green] Monica! I'm not gonna screw it up! [Monica Geller] Y'know what? You're right, I'm sorry. Actually you were a big help tonight. Yeah, and thanks for putting my grandmother in the cab and making sure she got to the hotel safely. [Rachel Green] Well of course that is what I'm here for! [Monica Geller] Okay. Sorry. [Rachel Green] Ugh! What grandmother? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Where have you been? [Ross Geller] Oh, taking my parents back to the hotel. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh. [Ross Geller] What? Are you going back to work? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Nice shades. [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks. Yeah, I figure if I wear these in my scenes at least I won't get spit in the eyes, y'know? [Ross Geller] And if I remember correctly, Ray Ban was the official sponsor of World War I! [Joey Tribbiani] Great! All right. I'll see you later. [Ross Geller] Hey, where's Chandler? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, I think he's in Rachel's room. See ya. [Ross Geller] Chandler? Chandler? --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Ross Geller] Is uh, is Monica here? [Rachel Green] She's steaming her dress, why? What's up? [Ross Geller] I think Chandler's gone. [Rachel Green] What?! [Ross Geller] He left that. [Rachel Green] Tell Monica I'm sorry. [Phoebe Buffay] What's up? Tell Monica I'm sorry. Tell her yourself! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! Chandler just left though! [Rachel Green] Yeah but, maybe it's not what we think. Maybe it's tell Monica I'm sorry I...drank the last of the milk. [Phoebe Buffay] Or maybe he-he was writing to tell her that-that he's changed his name, y'know? Tell Monica I'm sorry. [Ross Geller] I think it means he freaked out and left! [Phoebe Buffay] Don't be so negative! Good God! Isn't it possible that Sorry is sitting in there right now?! [Rachel Green] Okay. Phoebe, I-I think Ross is right. What are we gonna do? [Ross Geller] Look-Okay, I'm just gonna-I'm gonna have to go find him and bring him back! Okay? You-you make sure Monica does not find out, okay? [Rachel Green] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay but if you don't find him and bring him back, I am gonna hunt you down and kick your ass! [Ross Geller] I will, I will find him. --------------------------------------- [Richard Burke] Hey Joey, could you uh, go through these lines with me? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh man! They-they just redid my make-up! [Richard Burke] Just the last two pages. [Joey Tribbiani] All right. [Richard Burke] I found the picture! [Joey Tribbiani] Picture? What picture? [Richard Burke] Could you uh, could you lower your script? I need to see your face so I can uh, play off your reaction. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay uh, look I know you're a great actor, okay? And you play all those Shakespeare guys and stuff... [Richard Burke] Oh, thanks. [Joey Tribbiani] But you're spittin' all over me man! [Richard Burke] Well of course I am! [Joey Tribbiani] You know you've been spitting on me?! [Richard Burke] That's what real actors do! Annunciation is the mark of a good actor! And when you enunciate, you spit! [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! Didn't know that. [Richard Burke] Great! [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks! Okay-okay check it out! Picture? What picture? Eh? --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Gunther have you uh, have you seen Chandler? [Gunther] No. No, I haven't seen him. [Ross Geller] Oh damn! [Gunther] He's getting married tomorrow right? [Ross Geller] Yes. Yes. Don't worry. Everything's fine. We'll uh, we'll see you tomorrow at the wedding. [Gunther] I wasn't invited. [Ross Geller] Well then we'll-we'll see you the day after tomorrow. Mom?! Dad?! What-what...what you guys doing here?! [Jack Geller] Well you kids talk about this place so much, we thought we'd see what all the fuss is about. [Judy Geller] I certainly see what the girls like coming here. [Ross Geller] Why?! [Judy Geller] The sexy blonde behind the counter. [Ross Geller] Gunther?! [Jack Geller] Your mother just added him to her list. [Ross Geller] What? Your-your list? [Judy Geller] Yeah, the list that-of people we're allowed to sleep... [Ross Geller] Yes! No-no! I know, I know what the list is! Mom! Look if you see Chandler, could you just let him know I'm looking for him? [Jack Geller] And if you see Rita Moreno, let her know I'm looking for her. --------------------------------------- [The Director] Action! [Richard Burke] I found the picture! [Joey Tribbiani] What picture?! [Richard Burke] The picture of my wife! In your pack! [Joey Tribbiani] You went through my personal property? [Richard Burke] Why do have a picture of Paulette in your pack?! [Joey Tribbiani] Because Vincent, we were lovers. For two years! [The Director] Cut! Wonderful! [Joey Tribbiani] Great scene yeah? [Richard Burke] Oh you're awesome! And, in that last speech? You soaked me. [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks a lot. [The Assistant Director] Here's your call sheet for tomorrow. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I'm-I'm not working tomorrow. [The Assistant Director] You are now. [Joey Tribbiani] No! No! I can't! You gotta get me out of it! I've got plans! Important plans! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ross said there's still no word from Chandler. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh man. [Rachel Green] Oh but he did say that they found the grandmother wandering down fifth avenue. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Well there's one down. [Monica Geller] I'm getting married today!!! I think I just cracked a rib. But I don't care because today's my wedding day! My day is finally here!! [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know she might not even notice he's gone. [Monica Geller] I'm gonna start getting ready! [Rachel Green] God! Don't-We can't let her start getting ready! This is too awful! Oh God, but wait she'll be in the gown and then he won't show up and then she's gonna have to take off the gown... [Phoebe Buffay] Shhh! Stop it! Stop it Rachel! You can't do this here! [Rachel Green] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just...It's just so sad! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, but you've got to pull yourself together! Monica can't see you like this! Then she'll know something's wrong! [Rachel Green] I know. I know. Oh God. There's no tissue! Can you grab me some toilet paper? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. Oh, that's gone too. This is Monica's bathroom right?! [Rachel Green] Oh! [Phoebe Buffay] No-no! I-I...I found one. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Rachel Green] Oh thank you! Oh God! Can I have another one? [Phoebe Buffay] Sure. Do you need some floss? [Rachel Green] Oh God I just can not imagine what is gonna happen if Chandler doesn't show up! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh here's a whole bunch. [Rachel Green] Oh, I mean she's gonna be at the wedding waiting for him and people will be whispering, "Oh that poor girl." Y'know? Then she'll have to come back here and live all alone. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! [Rachel Green] What? [Phoebe Buffay] There was a pregnancy test in the garbage, and it's positive. Monica's pregnant. So I guess she won't be totally alone.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e23", "title": "The One With Monica and Chandler's Wedding, Part 1"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Monica and Chandler's Wedding, Part 2 [Rachel Green] Oh my God! [Phoebe Buffay] I know! Monica's gonna have a baby! Hey, can this count as her something new? [Rachel Green] Oh my God! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, do you think this is why Chandler took off? [Rachel Green] No, she had to have just taken that test because I took out the trash last night. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh God, this is turning into the worst wedding day ever! The bride is pregnant. The groom is missing. And I'm still holding this. [Rachel Green] Okay Phoebe, we can not tell anyone about this. [Phoebe Buffay] Right. [Rachel Green] Okay? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, okay. Hey, wait. Do you know what kind of birth control she was using? [Rachel Green] No. Why? [Phoebe Buffay] Just for the future, this is hardly a commercial for it. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Anything? [Ross Geller] No! I talked to Joey on the set, he hasn't heard from him. I-I-I talked to Chandler's parents again! [Phoebe Buffay] You told them he was missing? [Ross Geller] No! I made it seem like I was just calling to chat. Pretty sure, they both think I'm interested in them. [Rachel Green] All right, we've got to tell her he's gone. [Ross Geller] No! Hey! Hey! We can't! [Rachel Green] Ross, she's gonna start getting ready soon! [Ross Geller] Well, can't you at least stall her a little? I'll-I'll go back to some of the places I went last night. [Rachel Green] All right, well how much time do you need? [Ross Geller] Well how much time before she absolutely has to start getting ready? [Rachel Green] One hour. [Ross Geller] Give me two. [Rachel Green] Then why do you ask?! [Ross Geller] Okay, wish me luck. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. I'm going with you. [Ross Geller] Why?! [Phoebe Buffay] Ross, you're tired. You've been looking all night. And clearly you suck at this. [Rachel Green] All right, I'll see you guys later. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Wait, do you know how you're going to stall her? [Rachel Green] I'll figure something out. [Phoebe Buffay] All right. Good luck. [Rachel Green] Thanks. [Monica Geller] Hey! Okay, so I thought we'd start with my make up and then do my hair. [Rachel Green] Okay uh, but before you do that. I-I, I need you to talk to me. [Monica Geller] About what? [Rachel Green] Umm... I'm never gonna getting married! [Monica Geller] Yeah you will! The right guy is just around the corner! Okay, are we done with that? [Rachel Green] No Monica! I'm serious! Oh, maybe I should just forget about it. Become a lesbian or something. [Monica Geller] Any woman would be lucky to have ya. [Rachel Green] Well maybe it would make me feel better if I slept with Joey. [Monica Geller] Rachel! You okay? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Excuse me, Aaron? Hi! Umm, I have a little problem with the schedules. Originally, I wasn't supposed to work today, and I have this wedding that I really have to be at. It's my best friend's, and I'm officiating so I really can't work past four. [The Director] Joey, you gotta stay until the end. We can't stop filming just for you. It's not like it's your wedding. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm having surgery! [The Director] What?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I-I just made up the stuff about the wedding because I didn't want you to worry about me. But, I'm having surgery today. [The Director] What kind of surgery?! [Joey Tribbiani] Transplant. [The Director] But you're supposed to work on Monday. [Joey Tribbiani] Hair transplant. [The Director] But you're not bald. [Joey Tribbiani] It's not on my head. [The Director] Look Joey, there's nothing I can do. Besides, you're probably gonna be out by four anyway. We've just got one short scene. It's just you and Richard, and God knows he's a pro. You'll be fine. Morning Richard. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! You're here! Great! Great! Great! Let's get going buddy, we've got a scene to shoot! [Richard Burke] I'm wearing two belts. [Joey Tribbiani] Are you drunk? [Richard Burke] No! [Joey Tribbiani] Yes you are! [Richard Burke] All right. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] We are never gonna find him! He's one guy in a huge city! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! Is that him? [Ross Geller] That is an old, Chinese woman! [Phoebe Buffay] He could be in disguise, y'know. [Ross Geller] Aw, y'know...Y'know, maybe we're-we're just approaching this all wrong. If you're Chandler and-and you wanna hide, where is the last place on Earth people would think you'd go? [Ross Geller] So this is your office? [Chandler Bing] How did you guys find me? I knew I should've hid at the gym! [Phoebe Buffay] What the hell are you doing?! [Chandler Bing] Panicking! And using the Internet to try to prove that I'm related to Monica. How is she? [Ross Geller] She's fine. She doesn't know you're gone. And she doesn't have to know, okay? Now come on, we're going home. [Chandler Bing] No! No! No! I can't do that! [Phoebe Buffay] Why not?! [Chandler Bing] Because if I go home, we're gonna become the Bings! I can't be the Bings! [Ross Geller] What's wrong with being the Bings? [Chandler Bing] The Bings have horrible marriages! They yell. They fight. And they use the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games! [Ross Geller] Chandler, have you ever put on a black cocktail dress and asked me up to your hotel room? [Chandler Bing] No. [Ross Geller] Then you are neither of your parents! [Chandler Bing] It's not just their marriage! I mean, look at yours. Look at everybody's! The only person that can make marriage work is Paul Newman! And I've met me; I am not Paul Newman. I don't race cars! I don't make popcorn! None of my proceeds go to charity. [Phoebe Buffay] But look Chandler, right now, no one has a lower opinion of you than I do. But I totally believe you can do this. [Chandler Bing] I want to. I love her so much, but I'm afr...It's too huge. [Ross Geller] Y'know, okay. You're right. It is huge. So why don't we take it just a little bit at a time? Okay? Umm, forget getting married for a sec; just forget about it. Can you just come home and take a shower? [Chandler Bing] Well yeah, but then... [Ross Geller] Yeah-No-but-but-but-but! We're just gonna go home and take a shower. Now, that's not scary right? [Chandler Bing] Depends on what you mean by we. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] The nights are the hardest. But then the day comes! And that's every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again... [Monica Geller] The days and nights are hard! I get it! Okay? Look umm, Rachel I'm sorry! I have to start getting ready! I'm getting married today! [Rachel Green] I know. At dusk. That's such a hard time for me. [Monica Geller] I'm gonna go put my make up on, we have to be at the hotel in an hour! [Rachel Green] Okay. But wait! [Monica Geller] What?! [Rachel Green] Let's go to lunch. [Monica Geller] I can't go to lunch!! [Rachel Green] Right. [Rachel Green] Oh good God! I've fallen down! [Monica Geller] What's going on? [Rachel Green] Okay. All right. Honey listen. When I tell you what I'm about to tell you, I need you to remember that we are all here for you and that we love you. [Monica Geller] Okay, you're-you're really freaking me out. [Rachel Green] We can't find Chandler...-'s vest. We can't find Chandler's vest. [Monica Geller] How can that be?! Oh wait! Wait! Are you, are you serious?! [Phoebe Buffay] Found the vest! I mean we're gonna have to keep an eye on it, y'know make sure we don't lose it again... [Rachel Green] Oh! [Monica Geller] Oh wow! Okay. Don't scare me like that okay? I mean for a minute there I was like, "Oh my God! The worst has happened!" --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] I would sooner die in this hellhole then see her back with you! [Richard Burke] That can be arranged. [The Director] Let's reset. [Joey Tribbiani] What?! He got me! Owwwwww!!! [The Director] Let's take it from there. [Richard Burke] Are you a little off today? It's going terribly slowly. [Joey Tribbiani] Look, my best friends are getting married in like an hour. Okay? And I'm the minister. Please! Please! Can you pull it together? [Richard Burke] Of course! I'm-I'm sorry. I-I'd hate you to miss anything like that on account of me. I can do this! [Joey Tribbiani] Thank you. Thank you. [The Director] Still rolling, annnnd action! [Joey Tribbiani] I would sooner die in this hellhole then see her back with you! [Richard Burke] Now, that can be arranged! Slippery little bugger! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] So-so you two were married huh? What happened? You just drift apart? [Judy Geller] Here comes the bride. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God Monica! [Monica Geller] I wanna wear this everyday. [Rachel Green] You look so beautiful. [Monica Geller] I'm so happy for me. [Rachel Green] Hello? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Did Chandler show up yet? [Rachel Green] Yeah, we got him back. Everything's fine. [Joey Tribbiani] Damnit! [Rachel Green] What? Why? Where are you? [Joey Tribbiani] I'm still on the set! [Rachel Green] Joey! The wedding is in less than an hour! [Joey Tribbiani] I know! I'm sorry! The guy's drunk, they won't let me go until we get this. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! I'm gonna have to find another minister. [Joey Tribbiani] No! No, I'm the minister! All right, look-look, put 'em both on the phone, I'll marry them right now. [Rachel Green] Ugh! Joey, I have to go. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Don't you hang up on me! I'll marry you and me right now! I have the power! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] There you go. You put on a tuxedo! Now that wasn't so scary, was it? [Chandler Bing] No. [Ross Geller] I'm telling you, just a little bit at a time. [Chandler Bing] Yeah okay. Well, what's the next little bit? [Ross Geller] Getting married. Okay. Okay. You can, you can do that too! Just like you've done everything else! [Chandler Bing] Yeah. You're right. Hey I-I can do that. [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] Okay, excuse me for a minute. [Ross Geller] Wh-Hey-Whoa-whoa, where, where you going?! [Chandler Bing] Ross, I am not gonna run away again! I just want to get a little fresh air. [Ross Geller] Okay. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Chandler Bing] Oh fresh air! [Phoebe Buffay] Wait! Maybe, maybe you're overreacting! You do that y'know. [Rachel Green] Well Phoebe, we gotta do something! Well, y'know. I mean there's no way Joey's gonna make it in time. So I'm gonna through the hotel and see if there's any other weddings going on. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Oh but don't tell them Monica's pregnant because, they frown on that. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Anastassakis/Papasifakis wedding, excellent! {It's a good thing Jennifer Aniston is Greek, because she had to pronounce those names. Luckily for me, they were written on a sign.} Congratulations. Mazel Tov! Hi! Oh, great hat. Listen umm, I need you to perform another wedding. Can you do that? [The Rabbi] I don't know. Are they Greek Orthodox? [Rachel Green] Yeah! Yeah. They're...they're-they're my friends, uh, Monica Stephanopolus and uh, and Chandler Acidofolus. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hi! Hi! Hi. Has umm, anyone seen Chandler? [Jack Geller] I thought he was with you. [Ross Geller] He-he was with me umm, we're playing a little game, y'know? Hide and seek. [Jack Geller] You can't ask us son, that's cheating. [Ross Geller] You're right, thanks for keeping me honest dad. [Judy Geller] Well, he better not come by here. He can't see the bride in the wedding dress. [Nora Tyler Bing] As I recall when we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding dress. [Charles Bing] But that was after the wedding, it's not bad luck then. [Nora Tyler Bing] Honey, it isn't good luck. [Ross Geller] Oh my God! Monica! [Monica Geller] I know! Hey, how's Chandler doin'? [Ross Geller] Great. He's doing great. Don't you worry about Chandler. [Monica Geller] Are you okay? [Ross Geller] Uh-huh. [Monica Geller] Well, you're-you're sweating. [Ross Geller] These-these are beads of joy. [Monica Geller] Oh that's sweet. Don't touch me. [Ross Geller] Uh Phoebe, can I see you for a second? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! [Phoebe Buffay] What's going on? [Ross Geller] Chandler's gone again! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! Why would you play hide and seek with someone you know is a flight risk?! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Aaron! You gotta let me go. The guy's hammered! [The Director] I'm sorry Joey, as long as he's here and he's conscious we're still shooting. [Richard Burke] You wouldn't happen to have a very big fork? [Joey Tribbiani] So I uh, I just talked to the director. That's it, we're done for the day. [Richard Burke] Well have we finished the scene? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! You...you were wonderful. [Richard Burke] As were you. [Joey Tribbiani] So I got your car, it's right outside. [Richard Burke] Why? Are we done for the day? [Joey Tribbiani] That's what you told me. [Richard Burke] Oh, thank you. You're welcome. [Joey Tribbiani] No-no-no! We gotta go! Come on! Here we go. [Richard Burke] Is that my ass? --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] There he is!! [Chandler Bing] What? [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! Oh! [Ross Geller] You're not getting away this time mister! Unless you want that ass kicking we talked about! [Chandler Bing] Ross! [Ross Geller] Hiiii-Ya!! I'm serious! You're not walking out on my sister! [Chandler Bing] That's right! I'm not! [Ross Geller] Then where the hell have you been?! [Chandler Bing] I know about Monica. [Phoebe Buffay] You know?! [Ross Geller] What? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I heard you and Rachel talking. [Ross Geller] What?! What?! Talking about what?! [Chandler Bing] You don't know? [Ross Geller] Know what-If somebody doesn't tell me what's going on right now... [Phoebe Buffay] What? You'll hi-ya? [Chandler Bing] Monica's pregnant. [Ross Geller] Oh my God. Oh my God! And you're-you're...you're not freaking out? [Chandler Bing] Well I was! Then I went down to the gift shop because I was out of cigarettes... [Phoebe Buffay] Cigarettes?!! [Chandler Bing] Big picture please! So I was in the gift shop, and that's when I uh, saw this. New York.) Yeah, y'know what? I thought anything that can fit into this, can't be scary. [Phoebe Buffay] Well you obviously didn't see Chucky 3. [Chandler Bing] But come on, look at how cute and small this is! So I got it to give Monica so she'd know I was okay. [Ross Geller] Dude. [Jack Geller] Way to go son! I knew you'd find him! --------------------------------------- [Charles Bing] Our little boy is getting married. [Nora Tyler Bing] Oh look at you! So handsome! [Chandler Bing] You look beautiful mom. You look beautiful too dad. I love you both. I'm so glad you here. [The Rabbi] Are you Chandler? [Chandler Bing] Are you Joey? [Ross Geller] Huh. This is nice. [Phoebe Buffay] What? [Ross Geller] I've never walked down the aisle knowing it can't end in divorce. [Judy Geller] Oh I wish you're grandmother had lived to see this. [Monica Geller] She's right there. [Judy Geller] Not that old crow, my mother. Congratulations darling. [Jack Geller] I love you sweetheart. [Chandler Bing] You look beautiful. Is this new? [Monica Geller] Not now. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] Who is this? [The Rabbi] I am Father Kalebasous. [Chandler Bing] He's Greek Orthodox. [Rachel Green] As are you... [The Rabbi] Let us begin. Dearly beloved... [Joey Tribbiani] That's my line! I can take it from here, thanks. Dearly beloved, I'm sorry I'm a little late. You may be confused by this now, but you won't be Memorial Day weekend 2002. Well, let's get started before the groom takes off again. Huh? We are gathered here today, to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony. I've known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can not imagine two people more perfect for each other. And now, as I've left my notes in my dressing room. We shall proceed to the vows. Monica? [Monica Geller] He took off? [Rachel Green] Go on! Go on. [Monica Geller] Chandler, for so long I...I wondered if I would ever find my prince, my soul mate. Then three years ago, at another wedding I turned to a friend for comfort. And in stead, I found everything that I'd ever been looking for my whole life. And now...here we are...with our future before us...and I only want to spend it with you, my prince, my soul mate, my friend. Unless you don't want to. You go! [Joey Tribbiani] Chandler? [Chandler Bing] No, that's okay. Monica I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever gonna had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises that come our way it's okay, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if I'm sure? [Joey Tribbiani] You may not kiss the bride. So, I guess by the powers vested in my by the state of New York and the Internet guys, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Oh wait! Do you take each other? [Chandler Bing] I do. [Monica Geller] I do. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah you do! [Ross Geller] Rings? [Joey Tribbiani] Aw crap! Okay-uh...uh let's-let's do the rings. [Joey Tribbiani] We good? Yeah? Good? Once again, I pronounce you husband and wife. Now kiss her again. [Chandler Bing] I love you. And I know about the baby. [Monica Geller] What baby? [Chandler Bing] Our baby. [Monica Geller] We have a baby? [Chandler Bing] Phoebe found your pregnancy test in the trash. [Monica Geller] I didn't take a pregnancy test. [Chandler Bing] Then...who did? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh and they're gonna have a baby. [Rachel Green] Uh-huh.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s07", "episode": "e24", "title": "The One With Monica and Chandler's Wedding, Part 2"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One After "I Do" [Photographer] Great. Great! Just give me a sec to change film. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Ross Geller] Okay, I know I'm not supposed to know, but I do. And I'm so excited for you! [Joey Tribbiani] What? What's going on? [Ross Geller] Monica's pregnant! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God! Is that why you guys had to get married?! [Monica Geller] Guys! I'm not pregnant. [Joey Tribbiani] Ah. Slow swimmers? [Ross Geller] What?! What do you mean? You-you-you're not pregnant? [Monica Geller] You didn't tell anybody I was did you?! [Ross Geller] No! I'll be right back. [Photographer] Now why don't we get a shot of just Monica and the bloody soldier. [Monica Geller] Oh, about that. Joey, you have to change before the party. [Joey Tribbiani] I can't! I-I don't have any other clothes here. [Monica Geller] Find some! Please! Anything that doesn't say I-I died tragically in France. [Photographer] Well then why don't we see the bride and the groom and the bridemaids. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Hey Mon, why did you tell the guys you weren't pregnant? [Monica Geller] Because I'm not. [Phoebe Buffay] We found your test in the trash, if you're not pregnant--It's because I am. [Chandler Bing] What?! What are you talking about? [Monica Geller] What are you talking about? [Phoebe Buffay] Yes, I...I am with child. And I didn't want to say anything because it's your day; I didn't want to steal your thunder. [Monica Geller] Wait a minute! So you told people I was pregnant?! Does this look like a conversation that I want to remember?! [Chandler Bing] Who's the father? [Monica Geller] Yeah! [Phoebe Buffay] I can't say. [Monica Geller] Why?! [Chandler Bing] Why not? [Phoebe Buffay] I can't say because he's famous. [Rachel Green] Oh my God, who is it?! [Monica Geller] Phoebe, come on, you have to tell us. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, okay. It's James Brolin. James Brolin is the father of my baby. [Chandler Bing] As in Barbara Streisand's husband James Brolin? [Phoebe Buffay] What?! Well he never said that to me! --------------------------------------- [Photographer] Why don't we have Monica step away and we'll get Chandler and the bridemaids. [Phoebe Buffay] How about just the bridemaids? [Chandler Bing] Y'know I am the groom right? I was told it was kinda big deal. [Phoebe Buffay] It is. [Rachel Green] For you. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! [Rachel Green] Oh, thank you for doing that. I just can't deal with this just quite yet. [Phoebe Buffay] So instead you told me Monica was pregnant. [Rachel Green] You said that she was, I just didn't disagree with you. [Phoebe Buffay] Sneaky. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah. [Photographer] Smile ladies. [Rachel Green] Oh! Oh by the way? [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-hmm. [Rachel Green] James Brolin? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I know. I could only think of two names, him and Ed Begley Jr. and then I remembered he's gay. [Rachel Green] Ed Begley Jr. is not gay. [Phoebe Buffay] Really?! --------------------------------------- [Bandleader] Thank you very much! Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. Chandler Bing! [Chandler Bing] Before we go out there I've got a present for ya. [Monica Geller] Honey, I'm going to put my hand in your pocket! [Chandler Bing] No? [Monica Geller] No. [Chandler Bing] I've been taking dancing lessons. [Monica Geller] What?! [Chandler Bing] Yeah, the last six weeks. I wanted this to be a moment you will never forget. [Monica Geller] Oh that is so sweet! [Chandler Bing] So? Would you care to join me in our first dance as husband and wife? [Monica Geller] Yes. [Monica Geller] What's the matter? [Chandler Bing] I don't know, it's these new shoes, they're all slippery. [Monica Geller] Well, are you going to be able to do this? [Chandler Bing] Not well. [Monica Geller] Well, the good news is, I don't think anyone's looking at us. [Phoebe Buffay] So, are you ready to talk about it? [Rachel Green] No. [Phoebe Buffay] Now? [Rachel Green] No! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, we'll talk about something else then. [Rachel Green] Thank you. [Phoebe Buffay] Who's the father?! [Rachel Green] Ugh! Look honey y'know what? I haven't told him yet, so until I do I don't think I should tell anybody else. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. That's fine. That's fair. Is it Tag? [Rachel Green] Phoebe!! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I'm sorry. I'll stop. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Is it Ross? It's Ross isn't it-Oh my God, it's Joey! [Rachel Green] Honey, stop it! I am not going to tell you until I tell him. [Phoebe Buffay] Ah-hah! At least we know it's a him. [Monica Geller] Oh sweet Lord. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm sorry! Okay? I went down to the gift shop and it's either this or a bathrobe! Look, what's more important, the way I'm dressed or me being with you on your special day? [Monica Geller] Honey, I'm not even going to pretend I was listening. Hey! Hey! [Ross Geller] Hi. I'm uh, I'm Ross. I don't, I don't believe we've met. I'm Monica's older brother. [Woman] Oh hi, I'm, I'm Mona from her restaurant. [Ross Geller] Oh! Hello uh, Mona from her restaurant. Mona, wow what a, what a beautiful name. [Mona] You think so? I've always kinda hated it. [Ross Geller] Aw come on, Mona Lisa? [Mona] Uh-huh. [Ross Geller] Mona umm...Clickclocken. The famous botanist? Huh? Oh no she's uh-well she's dead now. No, supposedly she was once quite the hottie of the plant world. [Mona] Really?! Well see? I never knew about her. [Ross Geller] Linda Clickclocken. So what uh, what-what table are you at? Oh, uh me too. [Mona] Oh good. Now there'll be someone there who likes my name. [Ross Geller] Yes there will. Oh guess what, Molly Gilbert you've just been bumped up to table one. And if it's all right with you I'm gonna take your place at table six-Martin Clickclocken. [Joey Tribbiani] That's better, now just bend your arms a little more. There you go. Okay, look straight ahead. Now this time I want you to really put your ass into it. [Nora Tyler Bing] Chandler darling! Look, my date has finally arrived. I'd like you to meet Dennis Phillips. [Dennis Phillips] Congratulations. [Chandler Bing] Thank you. [Nora Tyler Bing] Dennis is a dear old friend and a fantastic lover. [Chandler Bing] Bravo Dennis thanks for pleasing my mother so. [Dennis Phillips] Oh, I'm so sorry I missed the ceremony, I was stuck at auditions. [Nora Tyler Bing] Oh yes, Dennis is directing a new Broadway show. [Joey Tribbiani] I don't believe we've met, Joey Tribbiani. [Dennis Phillips] Dennis Phillips [Joey Tribbiani] Wow, I've admired your work for years. You-you've done some really amazing stuff. [Dennis Phillips] Oh, thank you. Well if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go get myself a drink. Be back in a moment. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow Dennis Phillips! That's great! How did you guys meet? [Nora Tyler Bing] Well, it's a funny story. [Chandler Bing] Funny: Ha-Ha Or Funny [Bandleader] Thank you, thank you very much. If everyone will please take your seats, dinner will be served. [Ross Geller] Hey! Uh, I thought, I thought you were at table six. [Mona] No, nine. [Ross Geller] Oh see, before you uh, when you showed it to me you-you held it that way which uh, which was misleading. Well I'm... Hello. [Joey Tribbiani] Chandler. Will you see if your mom can give my resume to Dennis Phillips? 'Cause if I can get in a Broadway show then I would've done it all, film, television, and theater. The only think left would be radio, and that's just for ugly people. [Chandler Bing] What size shoes do you wear? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, eleven, eleven and a half. [Chandler Bing] Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, I don't even really know where I left those. Sorry. [Chandler Bing] Those aren't eleven and a half. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay fine! I'm a seven! All right, I have surprisingly small feet. But the rest of me is good, I'll show ya! [Monica Geller] Can you believe Phoebe got pregnant?! [Rachel Green] Oh y'know what honey? Let's not talk about that right now? [Monica Geller] This is so huge. [Rachel Green] Sure, but come on, as big as your wedding? [Monica Geller] Of course not nothing is. Between me and you... [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Monica Geller] ...in this day and age how dumb do you have to be to get pregnant? [Rachel Green] Hey! Y'know, sometimes you can do everything right, everyone can wear everything they're supposed to wear, and one of those little guys just gets through! [Monica Geller] How? [Rachel Green] I don't know! Maybe they have tools. [Monica Geller] Well I-I talked to and uh, she's definitely going to have this baby. Y'know, she said she was gonna raise it on her own. [Rachel Green] Well, maybe that's, maybe that's really brave. [Monica Geller] Maybe. I just hope she realizes how hard it's gonna be. [Rachel Green] Maybe she hasn't really thought it through that well. [Monica Geller] Well, there's a lot to think about. I mean, how is she, how is she going to handle this financially? How is she going to juggle work? Does she realize she's not going to have a date again for the next eighteen years? [Rachel Green] I don't know. [Monica Geller] Are you okay? [Rachel Green] Uh-hmm. I'm just thinking about Phoebe; poor knocked up Phoebe. [Waiter] Champagne? [Rachel Green] Oh yes! Thank you very much! Oh that's-that's actually how the French drink it. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I just got off the phone with my lover, James Brolin... [Monica Geller] Oh really?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yes, and apparently he is married to some singer, but he said he would leave her for me. And I said, "James, James Brolin, are you sure?" James Brolin said... [Monica Geller] Rachel's really the one who's pregnant. [Phoebe Buffay] What?! Why bother? [Monica Geller] How do you feel? [Rachel Green] I don't know. I don't know how I feel. This is all happening so fast. I have to make all these decisions that I don't want to make. Somebody just take this away from me!! [Phoebe Buffay] Calm down. Maybe you're not pregnant. [Rachel Green] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] When I got pregnant with the triplets, I took that test like three times just to make sure. [Monica Geller] Yes! Maybe it's a false positive. Are you sure you peed on the stick right? [Rachel Green] How many ways are there to do that? [Phoebe Buffay] I'm-I'm just saying, don't freak out until you're a hundred percent sure. [Rachel Green] All right, I'll-I'll take it again when I get home. [Monica Geller] You-you gotta take it now. Come on, do it as a present to me. [Rachel Green] Okay. Thank you. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] I'll run out and get you one. [Rachel Green] Oh, you guys are so great. [Monica Geller] Oh, wait a minute! Who's is the father?! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no, she won't tell us. [Monica Geller] Oh, come on it's my wedding! That can be my present. [Rachel Green] Wh-Hey, I just gave you peeing on a stick. [Phoebe Buffay] See? This is why you register. [Ross Geller] It was the chair again! Okay? I'm not doing it! It what-look, I don't-y'know what-eh-eh... Hi. [Mona] Hi! [Ross Geller] Umm, would you like to dance? [Mona] Sure. [Ross Geller] Yeah? [Mona] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Oh great! [Little Girl] Dr. Geller? [Ross Geller] I wasn't farting! Uh, a little game from our table. Yes? [Little Girl] Dr. Geller, will you dance with me? [Ross Geller] Oh umm, well uh, maybe-maybe later. Right now, I'm about to dance with this lady. [Little Girl] Okay. [Mona] Ohhhh! [Ross Geller] Uh, unless! Unless, uh this lady wouldn't mind letting you go first. [Mona] I'd be happy to. You are very sweet. [Ross Geller] Yes I-I am. In fact umm hey, why don't we try it my special way? You can dance on my feet. [Little Girl] Sure! [Ross Geller] Yeah? Hop on. Is the pretty lady looking? [Little Girl] Uh-huh. [Ross Geller] Keep dancing. [Chandler Bing] And the world will never know. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Did you talk to Dennis about me yet? [Chandler Bing] Yes, I told him how talented you were. I told him all about Days Of Our Lives. [Joey Tribbiani] No-no! No! No! You don't tell a Broadway guy that! Now he just thinks I'm a soap actor. [Chandler Bing] But you're not just a soap actor. You are a soap actor with freakishly tiny feet. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Little Girl] Thank you. [Ross Geller] No-no, thank you Miranda. [Little Girl] Melinda! [Ross Geller] All right. [Mona] How cute was that? [Ross Geller] Oh-oh, were you, were you watching? [Second Girl] Can I go next? [Ross Geller] What? Of course you can! Hop on! [Mona] Okay, but I get to hop on after her. [Ross Geller] I am so gonna score. [Second Girl] What? [Ross Geller] I like your bow. [Joey Tribbiani] I'd like to propose a toast. To Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, "Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories. And-and there was some sad memories. I'm sorry. And-and some scared memories-Whoa! Eh? And then, and then I realized I'll always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. Oh! To the happy couple! [Bandleader] Thank you. [Ross Geller] That was very nice Ashley. [Ashley] Can we do it again? [Ross Geller] No-no. [Mona] So, is it my turn now? [Fat Girl] I'm next! [Ross Geller] Oh! [Mona] Uh, that's okay. You can dance with her first. [Ross Geller] Oh, you-you sure? Okay. Okay. So what's uh, what's your name. [Fat Girl] Gert! [Ross Geller] That's, that's pretty. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What are you doing there Gert? [Gert] Dancing on your feet! Like the other girls did it. [Ross Geller] Okay. Hop on Gert. [Gert] Why aren't you moving your feet? [Ross Geller] I'm trying. [Gert] Faster! You're not going fast enough! [Ross Geller] Maybe I should stand on your feet! [Joey Tribbiani] So did you uh, happen to catch my toast up there? [Dennis Phillips] Oh my God, that was for my benefit? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I'd like to think there was something for everyone. Look, I know you're casting for this new show... [Dennis Phillips] Look umm Joey, I-I don't think you're quite right for this project. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, see that's where you're wrong. Whatever it is I can do it. And if didn't see it up there, just-just try me. [Dennis Phillips] It's an all Chinese cast. Can you be Chinese? [Joey Tribbiani] Well I'm not proud of this, but... [Dennis Phillips] Oh my God! No-no-no! Please! Please! Don't-don't-don't! [Monica Geller] Hey, are you ready to get back on the dance floor? [Chandler Bing] Did it turn into sand? [Monica Geller] Ohh come on, I love this song! Come on, you'll be fine. [Chandler Bing] No. No, I won't. Do you know why I took all those lessons? See, for the first time I didn't want you to be embarrassed to be seen on the dance floor with some clumsy idiot. [Monica Geller] Oh sweetie, you can never embarrass me. Okay, you can easily embarrass me. But come on, it doesn't matter. All right? I married you! So I want to dance on my wedding night with my husband. Come on. Just try not to move your feet at all. There you go. [Jack Geller] Chandler, I'm gonna have you arrested. [Chandler Bing] Why? [Jack Geller] You stole my moves. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] How much longer? [Phoebe Buffay] 30 seconds. [Rachel Green] 30 seconds, okay. [Monica Geller] Did I miss it? Rachel, I-I want you to know that, if it's positive, we're gonna... [Rachel Green] Oh I know. I know. [Phoebe Buffay] It's time. [The Girls] No!! [Monica Geller] Go ahead Rach. [Rachel Green] Oh wait! Y'know what? I can't, I can't look at it. I can't. Somebody else tell me, somebody tell me. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, it's negative. [Rachel Green] What? [Phoebe Buffay] It's negative. [Rachel Green] Oh. Oh. Well there you go. Whew! That is-that's great-that is really great-great news. Y'know 'cause the whole not being ready and kinda the financial aspects, all that. Whew. Wow, this is so just the way it was supposed to be. God. [Monica Geller] Well... Well, great. [Phoebe Buffay] Here. [Rachel Green] Thanks. God this is so stupid! How could I be upset over something I never had? It's negative? [Phoebe Buffay] No, it's positive. [Rachel Green] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] It's-it's not negative, it's positive. [Rachel Green] Are you sure? [Phoebe Buffay] Well yeah, I lied before. [Rachel Green] Oh! [Monica Geller] Oh God... [Phoebe Buffay] Now you know how you really feel about it. [Rachel Green] Oh-oh, that's a risky little game! [Monica Geller] Are you really gonna do this? [Rachel Green] Yeah. I'm gonna have a baby. I'm gonna have a baby. I'm gonna have a baby! [Phoebe Buffay] With who? [Rachel Green] Ah, it's still not the time. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] I just didn't see the fast song coming. [Joey Tribbiani] Shh. Shh. Don't try to talk, we'll get you up to your room, we'll soak your feet, you'll be okay. [Ross Geller] Oh, thank you. [Mona] That is so sweet! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Mona] No, I mean it. There are so few genuinely nice guys out there. [Joey Tribbiani] Tell me about it, I feel like I'm holding down the fort all by myself. [Mona] It's Joey right? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Wait a minute! No! I'm the nice one! I'm the one who danced with the kids all night! How...How small are your feet?!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e01", "title": "The One After \"I Do\""}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Red Sweater [Rachel Green] Listen y'know what sir? For the last time, I don't care what the computer says, we did not take a bag of Mashuga nuts from the mini-bar and we did not watch Dr. Do-Me-A-Little! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Joey uh, were you in our room last night? [Joey Tribbiani] No. I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill! [Chandler Bing] Hi! We're checking out of the bridal suite. [Monica Geller] That's right. I'm no longer a bride. I'll never be a bride again. Now, I'm just someone's wife! [Chandler Bing] And I'm the happiest guy in the world! Oh honey, come on don't be upset. We still have so much to look forward to! [Monica Geller] Oh yeah, right. [Chandler Bing] We got the honeymoon. [Monica Geller] That's not 'til Thursday. [Chandler Bing] The wedding pictures? [Monica Geller] They won't be ready for weeks. [Chandler Bing] Not the disposable cameras from the tables. [Monica Geller] That's true! I knew I married you for a reason! [Chandler Bing] I'll tell you what, I will go get them developed and you can go home. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Chandler Bing] What? What did you take a picture of? [Joey Tribbiani] Nothing! It was something. [Chandler Bing] Okay Ross has the cameras, has he checked out yet? [Rachel Green] Are you joking? Check out is not 'til noon and he has a good eleven minutes left. [Chandler Bing] Oh. [Monica Geller] Ross has never checked out of a room a minute before he had to. [Rachel Green] Yeah, one time, when we were dating, uh we got a late checkout, he got so excited it was the best sex we ever had. Until y'know, he screamed out Radisson at the end. [Chandler Bing] Okay, well I'm gonna get Ross, get the cameras, and get them developed. 32 Joe. You're 32! [Front Desk Clerk] Here's a copy of your bill. [Monica Geller] Oh thanks. Champagne, strawberries...Oh my God! I can't believe Chandler ordered porn on our wedding night! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, that's sad. Mashuga nut? --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hi. [Chandler Bing] Hey. Soaps? Shampoos? Are you really taking all this stuff? [Ross Geller] Why not? It's built into the price of the room. [Chandler Bing] Yeah but you don't need--What is this? [Ross Geller] Thread! [Chandler Bing] Score! Where are the disposable cameras? [Ross Geller] What disposable cameras? [Chandler Bing] The cameras? Remember last night I told you to take them? [Ross Geller] No you didn't. [Chandler Bing] Yes! Remember? Right before we cut the cake, I went up to you and I said... [Ross Geller] Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" Yeah, then you did that. [Chandler Bing] So you don't have the cameras?! [Ross Geller] No. Sorry man. [Chandler Bing] So? What? What? They're gone! Monica's gonna freak! [Ross Geller] Well, I'm sure they're still somewhere here in the hotel. I'll-I'll help you look for them. [Chandler Bing] Great. [Ross Geller] In-in three minutes. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Are you gonna open the presents without Chandler? [Monica Geller] No! But, they're callin' out to me! I mean this little guy even crawled up into my lap. Oh come on, Chandler wouldn't mind if I opened just one present! What do you think it is? [Phoebe Buffay] A little mirror that when you look into it you see yourself as an old woman. [Monica Geller] A tiny salt shaker!!! [Phoebe Buffay] Ohhh! My God! For tiny salt! [Monica Geller] Oh wow! Okay. Well that was fun. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah. [Monica Geller] Good. Okay, I'm just gonna wait for Chandler to open the rest of them. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Monica Geller] Whew. Although y'know, this is part of a salt and pepper set. I mean... I guess y'know it may just count as a half a present. What do you think? [Phoebe Buffay] Well I guess it's okay to open one more if it's part of a set. Y'know, it's probably this one. [Monica Geller] Or this one! [Rachel Green] Hi. [Monica Geller] Hey, how are you feelin'? Any morning sickness? [Rachel Green] Shh-shh-shh! The guys don't know yet do they? [Monica Geller] No! Joey and Ross don't know anything and Chandler still thinks that Phoebe's pregnant. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah that's right Chandler does still think I'm pregnant. He hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. After you of course. [Rachel Green] Don't worry I promise that you will only have to be pregnant for a few more hours, 'cause I'm going to tell the father today. [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, is it someone in this building? Is it that tall guy from the first floor? [Rachel Green] Ew! No! [Phoebe Buffay] What?! I think he's cute. [Rachel Green] Well then you have his baby. [Phoebe Buffay] Believe me I'm trying. [Monica Geller] Wow. Y'know it is so weird. I mean, you're gonna tell this guy today and he has no idea what's gonna happen. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. You're just gonna knock on his door and change his life forever. You're like Ed McMahon except without the big check, or the raw sexual magnetism. [Rachel Green] Yeah. Uh-huh, I guess it is pretty big news. [Phoebe Buffay] Pretty big? It's huge! God, this guy doesn't have a clue! He's just walking down the street thinking, 'I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock!' then bam! He's a father and everything's different. [Rachel Green] Well it's only different if he wants it to be. I mean, I'm not gonna ask him for anything. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Then he still has this huge decision to make. Now he's walking around thinking, 'Do I want to be a dad?' and then bam! [Monica Geller] What was that bam? [Phoebe Buffay] I don't. He got...he-he-he-he's hit by a bus. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey Joey, what would you do if someone that you slept with told you that she was pregnant? [Joey Tribbiani] Who called here? Did she sound blond? Huh? Did-did-did she have an accent? I gotta make a call! I shoulda never walked into that Sunglass Hut! [Rachel Green] Oh Joey! Joey! No, it's not you! You didn't get anybody pregnant! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh. Why would you scare me like that? What the hell is going on? Is somebody pregnant? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah. That's me. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God Pheebs! You're gonna have a baby? [Phoebe Buffay] Yes. Yes I am. Oh my God, I'm gonna have a baby! [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa, wait a minute. Who's the father? [Phoebe Buffay] You don't know him. It's not important. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby. [Joey Tribbiani] Well who is this guy?! Huh? Who is he? 'Cause I will track him down and kick his ass! [Phoebe Buffay] David Lynn. [Joey Tribbiani] David Lynn! David Lynn! David Lynn!! [Monica Geller] Who's David Lynn? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh some guy from my gym. A little annoying. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Chandler? [Chandler Bing] Hey! Did you find the cameras? [Ross Geller] No. Did you? [Chandler Bing] Yes! And that's why I'm under the table. Celebrating. [Ross Geller] Well I checked in the uh, lost and found, I talked to the manager, no-one's turned them. [Chandler Bing] Well this is great. Y'know, those cameras were the only thing that was gonna cheer Monica up today, she's really depressed. [Ross Geller] Now you guys just got married, why is she so depressed? [Chandler Bing] All my energy is going into not asking that question. I can't believe I screwed this up! [Ross Geller] I'm sorry man. Here's a thought. This is the same ballroom. There's a band. There's gonna be plenty of dressed up people. [Chandler Bing] Are you suggesting we dance our troubles away? [Ross Geller] No-no-no, I'm saying we-we buy more of this at the gift shop, throw our tuxes back on, and take a few pictures. All we have to do is make sure not to get anybody else's faces. [Chandler Bing] Are you serious? [Ross Geller] I'm just thinking about your new bride at home. Okay? Do-do you really want to start your life together by letting her down? [Chandler Bing] Marriage advice? Really?! [Ross Geller] I'm telling you, this looks exactly like your wedding! Aren't these the same flowers? [Chandler Bing] I don't know, Monica picked out the flowers. [Ross Geller] What about the chairs? [Chandler Bing] She picked those out too. [Ross Geller] How about the place settings? [Chandler Bing] That was her. [Ross Geller] What did you do? [Chandler Bing] I was in charge of the cameras! Gift shop? [Ross Geller] Hmm. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! Ooh, did you do it yet? [Rachel Green] Not yet. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, well what are you doing here? Are you about to do it? Is it Gunther? [Rachel Green] No! Phoebe, it's not Gunther. [Phoebe Buffay] Thank God, 'cause that hair on a baby... [Rachel Green] Phoebe the father is not here okay? I haven't told him yet and I don't think I can tell him at all now! [Phoebe Buffay] Why not? [Rachel Green] I don't know, let me think. I was walking down the street thinking, 'I'm gonna tell the father today' and then bam! [Phoebe Buffay] Bus? [Rachel Green] No, you! Phoebe you freaked me out. You kept saying how huge this all is! [Phoebe Buffay] Well-well but it is huge. [Rachel Green] I know, but I was just thinking about how huge this is for me. I didn't even go to how huge this was going to be for the father. [Phoebe Buffay] You're thinking about this way too much. Just tell him and get it over with. It's like, it's like ripping off this Band-Aid. Quick and painless, watch. Oh mother of...See? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh-ooh-ooh! Are we opening presents? [Monica Geller] No! No! I shouldn't have even opened these! I mean I-Joey I am out of control!! Joey, you have to do me a favor. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, please do not let me open another present! Okay? [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Monica Geller] Give me one more. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh good, uh you're here. Uh Pheebs? Listen uh sit down. I-I got something I want to say. [Phoebe Buffay] All right. [Joey Tribbiani] Umm, now uh... It's a scary world out there, especially for a single mom. Y'know, now I always thought you and I had a special bond so... Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me? [Monica Geller] Oh my God! Joey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hell yeah! I'll marry you! [Monica Geller] You can't marry him! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey lady, your day's over! It's my turn! [Monica Geller] Phoebe! [Joey Tribbiani] Why?! Why can't she marry me?! [Phoebe Buffay] I can and I will! [Monica Geller] She's not pregnant. It's Rachel. Rachel's the one who's pregnant. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Monica Geller] Phoebe I think he would notice if you didn't have a baby in nine months! [Phoebe Buffay] It's Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] Now I can't believe it! What? Rachel's pregnant? Who's the father? [Phoebe Buffay] We don't know. [Joey Tribbiani] Ohh... I wonder if that dude. [Monica Geller] There's a dude? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] Who? Who is it? [Joey Tribbiani] About a month ago this guy spent the night with Rachel, I didn't see who it was but... [Phoebe Buffay] Was that story over? [Joey Tribbiani] The guy left this. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! I know who the father is... [Monica Geller] People have got to finish their stories! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Uh, excuse me? Could you take a picture of us? [Woman At The Wedding] Oh! Of course. [Man At The Wedding] Uh, would you take one of us? [Chandler Bing] Uhh... Yeah sure. Click! [Woman At The Wedding] It didn't click. [Ross Geller] I heard it. I heard it. [Man At The Wedding] But there was no flash. [Woman At The Wedding] Why won't you take our picture? [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah. I'll take, I'll take your picture. [Man At The Wedding] Uh, your finger was covering the lens. [Chandler Bing] Who are you? Ansel Adams?! Get outta here! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go! [Rachel Green] What? Hey wait a minute! Phoebe, how do you even know who the father is? [Phoebe Buffay] I may play the fool at times, but I'm a little more than a pretty blond girl with an ass that won't quit. I believe this belongs to the father of your baby. [Rachel Green] Oh God... Oh, he's in there right now? [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh. Now you can turn around or you can go in there and rip the Band-Aid off. What to you want to do? [Rachel Green] Uh, let's rip! [Phoebe Buffay] Really? Are you sure? [Rachel Green] Oh Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, sorry. Yeah. [Tag Jones] Hey Rach. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Why don't you go up on stage. I'll get a picture of you doing the speech. [Ross Geller] Okay. Okay! [Ross Geller] Will the owner of a 1995 Buick LeSabre please see the front desk? Your car is about to be towed. [Anxious Wedding Guest] That's my car! [Ross Geller] A '95 LeSabre?! [Anxious Wedding Guest] Yes! [Ross Geller] A green LeSabre? [Anxious Wedding Guest] Yes! [Ross Geller] I'm sorry, I meant a blue LeSabre. [Anxious Wedding Guest] Yes! Green-blue! [Ross Geller] Well go! Go move it! [Chandler Bing] Okay, you ready for the last picture? [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] Get ready to run. Congratulations on your wedding. --------------------------------------- [Tag Jones] So, what's this about? [Phoebe Buffay] Rachel has something that she wants to tell you and umm, I believe that this is your red sweater. [Tag Jones] No. This is my red sweater. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no. Could I get anyone a coffee or...poison? No? Just for me? Okay. [Tag Jones] What's going on Rach? [Rachel Green] Nothing! Phoebe kinda made a mistake. But y'know you do wear that sweater a lot, are you involved in some kind of dare? [Tag Jones] Y'know, I'm actually glad Phoebe called. I know we broke up because you thought I wasn't mature enough, but I've really grown up and think we should get back together. [Rachel Green] Oh, it's just not the right time. [Tag Jones] It is the right time. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Tag Jones] I'm ready for more. [Rachel Green] Tag... [Tag Jones] Come on Rach, let's give it another try. [Rachel Green] I'm having a baby. [Tag Jones] Oh. [Rachel Green] You can go. [Tag Jones] Thank you. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I don't know how any of these got opened?! [Joey Tribbiani] You opened them all? [Monica Geller] I know! I know! I am a terrible person! I mean, Chandler is never going to trust me with anything ever again! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh hey! You got my parent's gift! [Monica Geller] Yeah. What is that? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I don't know. I think it does something to salami. [Monica Geller] Hey! How'd it go? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. What-what did Tag say? [Rachel Green] Tag is not the father! And Joey knows now? [Joey Tribbiani] I do Rach. I do, and I so happy for you. [Rachel Green] Oh wow, you didn't even try to unhook my bra! [Monica Geller] So are you ever gonna tell whoever it is? [Rachel Green] No, I will. I'm just not up for it tonight. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Rach listen, no matter what this guy says I want you to know you're not gonna be alone in this. [Rachel Green] I'm not? [Joey Tribbiani] Listen I uh... It's a scary world out there especially if you're a single mom. Y'know, I always felt like you and I have this-this special bond. Y'know? So, Rachel Green will you marry me? [Rachel Green] What? [Monica Geller] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] What?!! [Joey Tribbiani] Pheebs, give me the ring back! [Phoebe Buffay] No!! [Rachel Green] No! Joey, oh you're so sweet. You're so-so sweet, honey. But I'm not, I'm not looking for a husband. [Joey Tribbiani] I understand. [Rachel Green] Now, if you will excuse me I am going to go and lie down. [Phoebe Buffay] I can't say that didn't hurt. But I'll take you back Joey Tribbiani. [Joey Tribbiani] Uh yeah. Pheebs, listen about that. I only offered... [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh! A Salami Buddy! [Joey Tribbiani] There you go! [Chandler Bing] We're back! [Monica Geller] Great! We're hangin' in the kitchen! Let's stay in the kitchen! [Chandler Bing] It's picture time. [Ross Geller] Now you are going to love these. [Chandler Bing] Here's a picture of Ross. And that's me. And that's me and Ross. Oh-ho, that is a picture of our first kiss as a married couple. [Monica Geller] Wow! That is a great picture! [Chandler Bing] Eh? [Monica Geller] Yeah! Oh and interesting because I found the cameras in one of our bags! [Ross Geller] Huh, didn't see that coming. [Chandler Bing] Okay, so this isn't a picture of our first, but it is a picture of my first kiss with...with this lady. Which by the look on your face I'm sure you'll remember. So we don't need--There's no need to have this picture. How about I take the real pictures and get them developed right now. [Monica Geller] That would be a good idea. [Chandler Bing] Okay. You opened all the presents without me?! I thought we were supposed to do that together! [Monica Geller] You kissed another woman! [Chandler Bing] Call it even?! [Monica Geller] Okay! [Ross Geller] Well, I'm gonna go get these in some water. [Phoebe Buffay] Wait you stole those from these people's wedding? [Ross Geller] No-no, I took them from the hotel lobby. Yeah, they think they can charge me for some dirty movie and a bag of Mashuga nuts, they got another think coming. Hey! My sweater! I've been looking for this for like a month! [Monica Geller] Oh my God!! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! How you doing? [Tag Jones] Good! Good, long time no see. [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Tag Jones] Like your sweater. [Ross Geller] Oh hey, right back at ya. [Tag Jones] Oh, it's crazy about Rachel huh? [Ross Geller] Yeah. She-Well, she's one crazy lady? [Tag Jones] So whose is it? [Ross Geller] Umm, I don't some Italian guy. Come on, read your own label. See you later. [Tag Jones] Okay. [Ross Geller] He is so weird.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e02", "title": "The One With The Red Sweater"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Rachel Tells [Chandler Bing] Hey! Babe! Aren't you excited we're going on our honeymoon? [Monica Geller] Yeah I am! [Chandler Bing] Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama... [Monica Geller] That's right. Get it out of your system while we're alone. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! Have a great honeymoon! [Chandler Bing] I'd better go pack. [Monica Geller] Oh no, I already packed. The only thing I couldn't find though was your Speedo. [Chandler Bing] A Speedo? Uh, I don't have a Speedo. I'm gonna go pack my regular long bathing suit. [Rachel Green] Oh good you're still here! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] I want to tell you to have a good honeymoon! [Monica Geller] Thank you. [Rachel Green] And I also wanted you guys to know that I am telling the father today. What? What? What? [Joey Tribbiani] We know its Ross! [Rachel Green] How?! How do you know? [Phoebe Buffay] It was his sweater, but-Oh my God! [Rachel Green] Oh, I so wanted Ross to know first, but I'm so relieved you guys know. [Monica Geller] This is so great! And I'm gonna be your baby's aunt! [Rachel Green] I know! [Phoebe Buffay] Me too! [Joey Tribbiani] I'm gonna be an uncle! Come here! [Rachel Green] You're all gonna be aunts and uncles. [Monica Geller] Yeah, but I'm the only one related by blood. [Rachel Green] Okay. Great! So now that you guys all know you can help me. Give me some advice on how I'm gonna tell Ross! [Monica Geller] Well, what were you gonna say? [Rachel Green] Well I was gonna tell him that I'm-I'm gonna have the baby and he can be as involved as he wants. [Joey Tribbiani] Well that, that sounds good. [Rachel Green] Yeah but how do I start? I mean, what's-what's the first thing that I say? Okay great! Thanks. [Monica Geller] Hey! Good luck! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, bye. [Joey Tribbiani] Bye. [Chandler Bing] Hey, what was that all about? [Monica Geller] Well I guess there is no harm in telling you now, Rachel and Ross are gonna have a baby. [Chandler Bing] What?! I didn't even know that-Why didn't you tell me?! Why am I talking like this?! [Monica Geller] I didn't think you could keep it a secret. [Chandler Bing] What?! I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of our secrets. [Joey Tribbiani] What secrets? [Chandler Bing] Oh no-no Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper. [Joey Tribbiani] You'll tell me later? [Chandler Bing] You already know. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, it's so romantic to send people off on their honeymoon. [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know, Monica and Chandler are married. Ross and Rachel are having a baby. Maybe you and I should do something. [Phoebe Buffay] All in good time my love. All in good time. Oh shoot! I left my guitar in their apartment. Well you can let me in later. [Joey Tribbiani] I don't have a key, they took mine to give to you. [Phoebe Buffay] What?! They took mine to give to you! [Joey Tribbiani] Why would they take away our keys? [Phoebe Buffay] Maybe they don't trust us. [Joey Tribbiani] No that's not it. They let me keep my key the last time they were out of town. [Phoebe Buffay] You mean the time you broke the ketchup bottle and cleaned it up with Monica's guest towels? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, I washed those! [Phoebe Buffay] No you didn't. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah that didn't sound like me. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, what am I gonna do? I really need my guitar! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I have stuff in there too. [Phoebe Buffay] What stuff? [Joey Tribbiani] Monica's chicken parm! I'll take care of it. Hey Mr. Treeger, it's Joey Tribbiani. Listen, I need to get into Monica and Chandler's apartment. It's an emergency. Uhh, gas leak! Yeah oh, and bring garlic bread. [Ross Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Did Rachel find you? [Ross Geller] No why? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh she was looking for you. [Ross Geller] Oh well, I guess I'll catch up with her later. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, she really wanted to talk to you now. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, it seemed pretty important. [Ross Geller] Oh no. [Phoebe Buffay] What? [Ross Geller] I think I might know what this is about. [Joey Tribbiani] Really? [Ross Geller] Yeah. Uh, uh we promised we weren't gonna tell anybody this but uh, about a month ago Rachel and I slept together. [Phoebe Buffay] And? [Ross Geller] Wow! I thought you would be a little more shocked. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh sorry. And?! [Ross Geller] Well, we-we said we'd just do it that one time but, but now I think she may wanna start things up again. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I don't think that's what it is. [Ross Geller] Why? What-what else could it be? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh wow, I don't feel well. [Ross Geller] I'm telling you. I'm telling you. That's what it is. No wonder she was looking at me all funny during the wedding. She didn't say anything to you? [Phoebe Buffay] Maybe it's something you ate? [Joey Tribbiani] Please, just-just, just go and talk to Rachel. [Ross Geller] Yeah, I guess I should. Man, y'know what I have to realize? Maybe I'm just not the type of guy women can have just one night with. Y'know, they-they always seem to want a little bit more. I should remember that. --------------------------------------- [Ticket Agent] Next? [Monica Geller] They're kissing let's just go around them. [Chandler Bing] Oh honey, leave them alone, they're in love. [Monica Geller] I'm in love too! But in an orderly fashion. [Ticket Agent] Next? [Monica Geller] Hi! Can you do that and walk? 'Cause she said, "Next." [Woman] Sorry. We didn't hear you; we're on our honeymoon. [Ticket Agent] Oh, let me see what I can do. There are some first class seats available. [Monica Geller] Did you hear that?! They bumped them up to first class because they are on their honeymoon! Come on! Let's act like we're on our honeymoon. [Chandler Bing] We are on our honeymoon. [Monica Geller] Grab my ass! [Ticket Agent] Next? [Monica Geller] Hi, sorry. I almost didn't hear you, because y'know I'm just so in love with my new husband. We're on our honeymoon. [Ticket Agent] Congratulations. Okay, Mr. Bing you'll be in 25J and Mrs. Bing you'll be in 25K. [Monica Geller] Oh no, you see we're on our honeymoon. So umm, can you do your little thing and bump us up to first class? [Ticket Agent] I'm sorry, all our first class seats are taken. That couple got the last two. [Monica Geller] You see, if we'd gone around them like I said, we-She would've given us those tickets. Damnit! [Chandler Bing] 25J and K, any chance those aren't together? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] I still can't believe they took away my key. You trust me with yours. [Phoebe Buffay] Of course I do! And I'm gonna give it back to you as soon as they're done with it at the key shining place. [Joey Tribbiani] What the hell is that? [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Treeger, what are you doing? [Mr. Treeger] You said there was a gas leak in here. [Phoebe Buffay] Well why don't you use your key? [Mr. Treeger] Because by the time I find it on this thing , the whole place might have exploded. If that happens at another building that I manage, people are gonna start asking questions. Come on! Hurry up. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! We could have done that. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Look at that! Look at that! They're going into the first class lounge! Do you know what they have in there? [Chandler Bing] No. [Monica Geller] Me neither! We have to get in! [Chandler Bing] Just act like you belong. [Monica Geller] Oh my God! Oranges! [Chandler Bing] Shh! Nice to see you again. [Airline Employee] Uh sir, may I see your tickets please? [Chandler Bing] Yes, of course. [Airline Employee] I'm sorry, would you move your thumb? I can't see the seat number. [Chandler Bing] Oh that's all right, I have it memorized. It's 1A. [Airline Employee] Sir, this is not a first class ticket. I'm sorry. [Chandler Bing] Apology accepted. Excuse us. [Airline Employee] Sir! I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. [Monica Geller] Fine. Go! Go! Go! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi! [Ross Geller] Hi. [Rachel Green] Hi. Umm, I think there's something that we really need to talk about. [Ross Geller] I think we do. Why don't we go inside? Look uh, I know why you're here. [Rachel Green] You do? [Ross Geller] Yeah, and to save you from any embarrassment umm, I think maybe I should talk first. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Ross Geller] Okay. Uh, Ross and Rachel. Rachel and Ross. That's been one heck of a see-saw hasn't it? [Rachel Green] What? [Ross Geller] I mean look, that-that one night we had was fun and...and certainly passionate, but don't you think it's better if we just stayed friends? [Rachel Green] Seriously. What?! [Ross Geller] Okay. Okay. Y'know what? If you want to, we can do it one more time. I mean I'd-I'd be okay with that. In fact, I have some time right now. [Rachel Green] Okay, y'know what? Can I, can I talk now? [Ross Geller] Oh sure. [Rachel Green] I'm pregnant. Ross? Ross? Okay, whenever you're ready. And you're the father by the way-but you got that... --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Can I get you some water? [Ross Geller] I'm good. I'm good. [Rachel Green] Ross, there is no pressure on you. Okay? I mean you can as involved as you want. [Ross Geller] Yeah, I need uh... I'm just-I don't know-I don't understand, umm, how this happened? We-we used a condom. [Rachel Green] I know. I know, but y'know condoms only work like 97% of the time. [Ross Geller] What? What? What?!! Well they should put that on the box!!! [Rachel Green] They do! [Ross Geller] No they don't!!! Well they should put it in huge black letters!!!! [Rachel Green] Okay Ross come on let's just forget about the condoms. [Ross Geller] Oh well I may as well have! [Rachel Green] Listen, y'know what? I was really freaked out too when I found out... [Ross Geller] Freaked out? Hey no, I'm not freaked out! I'm indignant! As a consumer! [Rachel Green] Y'know what? Let's, let's talk later. [Ross Geller] No! No! I want to talk now! Okay? I-In fact, I am going to talk to the president of the condom company! [Rachel Green] Okay, y'know maybe I should come back... [Ross Geller] Shh! Shh! Shh! [Rachel Green] Okay. [Ross Geller] Yeah I'll press 1! --------------------------------------- [Mr. Treeger] I've looked everywhere. There's no gas leak. [Joey Tribbiani] Huh. So then I can heat this up? [Mr. Treeger] Anyway uh, I'll get moving on that new door. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh great! And listen, could you do us a favor and not tell Chandler and Monica about this? 'Cause y'know umm, they don't-they don't have any kids of their own and-and this door was like a child to them. [Mr. Treeger] Well I'm gonna have to put on a new lock, they'll find out anyway. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no. [Mr. Treeger] Whoa! This looks like an all day job, I'll have to cancel my yoga class. Hey Ross! [Ross Geller] Hi. [Mr. Treeger] Could you tell Jasmine that I won't make it to yoga class today? [Ross Geller] Sure. [Mr. Treeger] Namaste. [Ross Geller] Namaste. [Ross Geller] Oh my God! What happened to the door?! [Joey Tribbiani] So it's noticeable huh? [Ross Geller] Look, is Rachel here? I really need to talk to her. [Phoebe Buffay] Didn't you two already talk? [Ross Geller] Yeah but uh... Okay, okay look you guys know that Rachel and I slept together, but there's something else. Rachel's pregnant. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God!!! I can't believe that!! [Phoebe Buffay] Holy mother of God!!! [Ross Geller] With my child. [Phoebe Buffay] That is brand new information!! [Ross Geller] You already know don't you? [Phoebe Buffay] A little bit. [Joey Tribbiani] How are you doing? [Ross Geller] Okay. Okay. I mean I'll be okay. It's just I don't think I handled it very well. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, what did you say to her? [Ross Geller] Nothing. But the complaint department at the condom company got an earful. And then when I turned around she was gone. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh Ross. [Ross Geller] But hey, in my defense I-I just found out condoms are like only 97% effective. [Joey Tribbiani] What? [Ross Geller] I gotta go find her. [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa! Hey! Whoa!! Hold up! Are you serious?! So like 3% of the time they don't even work?! Huh? They should put that on the box! [Ross Geller] Evidently they do. [Joey Tribbiani] What?! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I can't believe we're here. [Chandler Bing] Oh you've got to be kidding me. [Monica Geller] What? [Front Desk Clerk] As a wedding gift to you, the hotel would like to give you the honeymoon suite. [Monica Geller] No!! You have been screwing us all day! [Man] Who are you? [Chandler Bing] We're you just ten seconds later! [Monica Geller] Yeah! You already got the first class tickets; you got the lounge! I mean we should get free stuff too! I mean you're not the only ones on your honeymoon! [Woman] Well you can have the suite if you want. We don't care about where we stay. We're here to celebrate our love together. We don't have to get free stuff. We just want to be together. [Chandler Bing] We need the stuff. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Monica it's Joey. Listen uh, Phoebe and I smell gas comin' from your apartment. [Monica Geller] What? Are you serious?! Joey smells gas! [Chandler Bing] What else is new? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah and we'd go check it out, but you took away our keys. [Monica Geller] Well do something! Get in there! [Joey Tribbiani] How? I guess I could break down your door. [Monica Geller] Yeah! Do that! [Joey Tribbiani] And-and you won't blame us for any damage? [Monica Geller] No! Are you doing it?! I don't hear anything! Come on! [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, okay I'll-I'll-I'll break it down. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh hey hi, he's doing it. He's breaking down the door. Okay, we're in. --------------------------------------- [Nurse] Okay Rachel, are you comfortable? [Rachel Green] If I said I was, would you judge me? [Nurse] The doctor will be here in a minute to do your sonogram. [Rachel Green] Okay. Oh man, I swear if they sold these at Pottery Barn... [Ross Geller] Hi! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Ross Geller] Uh we-we need to talk. [Rachel Green] Uh-uh-uh, right now? Because I've kinda got an el fresco situation going on over here. [Ross Geller] Please, please I want to apologize for the way I acted earlier today. [Rachel Green] Okay Ross that's fine, but can you please stand near my head? [Ross Geller] What? Oh yeah. I'm sorry. I mean I-I think I went a little crazy. I mean I was thinking about myself when I really-I should have been thinking about you Rach... [Rachel Green] Okay. Head Ross! Head Ross! Head Ross! [Ross Geller] Right! Right! I just-I want you to know that I'm going to be there through this whole thing, okay? Okay? The doctor's appointments, the uh, the Lamaze classes, uh baby-proofing the apartment-Although we could probably worry about that 'til after we get married. [Rachel Green] What married? [Ross Geller] Well yeah, I think we should get married. [Rachel Green] What, because that's your answer to everything? [Ross Geller] No, because that's the right thing to do. [Rachel Green] Yeah, maybe if you're in love. But Ross, we are not in love, are we? [Ross Geller] No but...but still you can't possibly do this alone. [Rachel Green] Excuse me? [Ross Geller] Come on Rach, you can't even eat alone in a restaurant. [Rachel Green] What?! [Ross Geller] I'm just saying if you can't eat by yourself, how do you expect to have a baby by yourself? [Rachel Green] I can too eat by myself! [Ross Geller] When have you ever? [Rachel Green] When certain people leave the table and I am not finished! [Ross Geller] Well certain other people take two hours to eat a bowl of soup! [Rachel Green] Oh please, you inhale your food! [Ross Geller] I grew up with Monica! If you didn't eat fast you didn't eat!! [Dr. Long] Am I interrupting? [Rachel Green] Oh no Dr. Long, please come in. This is Ross, he is the father. [Ross Geller] But not the husband, because evidently she can do this alone. [Dr. Long] Huh. Nice to meet you. I'll get started on this. [Ross Geller] I don't know why you can't admit that you need me. [Rachel Green] I do need you! I need you to stand near my head! [Dr. Long] Okay, everything looks good. Here it is on the screen. Here is your uterus. And right here is your baby. [Ross Geller] Oh my God. [Rachel Green] Wow. There it is, I see it. [Dr. Long] Congratulations. I'll give you two a minute. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Ross Geller] Thank you. [Ross Geller] Pretty amazing huh? [Rachel Green] I don't see it! [Ross Geller] What? What?! [Rachel Green] I can't see it! [Ross Geller] You-you just said that you did! [Rachel Green] I know, I lied! I didn't want her to think I was a terrible mother! I can't even see my own baby! [Ross Geller] Oh sure, come here! Sure you can! Uh, look come here look, it's-it's-it's, it's right there . [Rachel Green] Oh. Oh, it's beautiful. I see it now. [Ross Geller] Do you really? [Rachel Green] No, I don't see it! [Ross Geller] Come on! Come on! Here, okay-okay, you see this? This tiny thing that looks like a peanut? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Sweetie that's it. [Rachel Green] That's it? Well I saw that! Ohh-ohh-oh, thank you. [Ross Geller] You're welcome. [Rachel Green] Wow! I can't believe that's our baby. [Ross Geller] Yeah, that's our baby. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! So how was the doctor? [Rachel Green] Oh, everything went great. [Phoebe Buffay] Good. [Ross Geller] Oh hey, show them the picture of your uterus. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. [Joey Tribbiani] I don't see the baby. Where is it? [Rachel Green] Oh no, I know I couldn't see it either at first, but it's right umm... Ross, I lost it again. [Ross Geller] Oh. (He takes the picture and hugs her.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e03", "title": "The One Where Rachel Tells"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Video Tape [Chandler Bing] Wait. Before we go in, I just want you to know I love you. I had a great time on our honeymoon, and I can't wait to go in there and spend the rest of our life together. [Monica Geller] You're really sticking with the shell necklace huh? [Phoebe Buffay] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! You're back! [Monica Geller] Hi sweetie! [Phoebe Buffay] Come on in! [Phoebe Buffay] So how was the honeymoon? [Monica Geller] Oh, so much fun. But the best part is, we met this incredible couple on the way back. [Phoebe Buffay] That was the best part? Good honeymooning tiger. [Monica Geller] No, they were really cool. They were on their honeymoon too! [Chandler Bing] They're terrific, and they live right here in the city. [Monica Geller] Yeah, can we go call them? Is it too soon to call? I wanna call. [Chandler Bing] I'm sorry, we're just kinda excited because we finally have a couple to hang out with. [Monica Geller] I know. [Joey Tribbiani] A couple? Like two people? Like one , two people? [Monica Geller] This is different! Greg and Jenny are in a relationship. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, Greg and Jenny yuck! Hi Greg, I'm Chandler this is Monica. Hi Monica, this is Jenny. Hi Jenny. Hi Greg. [Chandler Bing] Listen, they are really great. If you just got a chance... [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know what? Why don't you just give us our souvenirs and get the hell out of here? [Chandler Bing] We really...didn't get a chance to... [Phoebe Buffay] You have got to be kidding me! [Monica Geller] We didn't get anything for anyone. [Joey Tribbiani] Hm-mm! Yeah nice necklace! [Monica Geller] That you can have. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi! [#ALL#] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hello! [Rachel Green] Welcome home. [Ross Geller] So, how was the honeymoon? [Monica Geller] It was great! It was great! How about you?! I mean you're having a baby! [Rachel Green] Oh! Look! I have a sonogram picture! [Monica Geller] Oh great! [Chandler Bing] Ross! It's got your wavy black lines! [Monica Geller] All right, so now that Ross knows can you tell us y'know how it happened? I mean, when did it happen? How many times did it happen? [Phoebe Buffay] Monica! That's not right! Start with where. [Rachel Green] Well it happened about six weeks ago, and uh I had just got home from work and Ross was already there 'cause I guess he had been hanging out with Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] You're welcome buddy. [Ross Geller] Yeah, thanks. [Rachel Green] And so I had a lot of work to do so Ross, nice guy that he is, offered to help me out. And then we had a little wine, we got to talking, and the next thing you know out of nowhere Ross comes on to me. [Ross Geller] Umm that's...that's a little misleading. [Rachel Green] What is? [Ross Geller] The lie you just told. [Rachel Green] That-that you came on to me? [Ross Geller] There's the one! [Rachel Green] But you did! I mean, let's be honest. [Ross Geller] Yes let's. Y'know what? Uh, it's-it's not important. What is important is that, is that we're having a baby. And it's not-Doesn't matter who came on to who. [Joey Tribbiani] Whom. That's right. [Rachel Green] You know you kissed me first. [Ross Geller] What? What?! You were begging me to kiss you! You-you-you were sending me signals all over the place! [Rachel Green] I was sending you signals? [Ross Geller] Yeah! [Rachel Green] Oh please. Okay, anyone in this room think that I would send Ross begging symbols, please show of hands. [Ross Geller] Y'know what?! It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter what you believe! What matters is what happened! [Rachel Green] Okay. So these signals Ross, explain this to me, 'cause maybe I need to be more careful. I mean, am I sending you these signals right now? [Ross Geller] Y'know what? Y'know what? Rachel, just-just drop it. [Rachel Green] No please, show me how I begged you! [Ross Geller] I can show you, I have it on videotape! It's an expression. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] I can't believe he taped the two of them having sex! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! You gotta tell a girl before you tape her. Such a rookie mistake. [Chandler Bing] Y'know who has a great video camera? [Phoebe Buffay] Greg and Jenny? [Monica Geller] Do you still wanna call 'em? I wanna call 'em. [Chandler Bing] Let's call 'em. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Ask them if they brought their friends any souvenirs! [Monica Geller] Hello? Eighth street deli? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, hang up! You get food poisoning just talkin' to that place. [Monica Geller] Uh sorry, wrong number. [Chandler Bing] Here you go. [Monica Geller] Hello? It's the deli again! [Joey Tribbiani] All right! I'll have a sandwich! [Monica Geller] I don't think this number's right! [Chandler Bing] What? [Phoebe Buffay] You got fake numbered. [Monica Geller] What?! People don't do that! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh I think we do. [Monica Geller] They gave us a fake number? Why? Why would they do that? [Chandler Bing] I don't know! You were a delight to talk to. You asked all those insightful, great questions. [Monica Geller] And you've never been funnier. Joke, joke, joke, you were a hoot! [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know what? Don't worry about it, you still got me and Phoebe. [Phoebe Buffay] Excuse me, I don't want Greg and Jenny's rejects. [Ross Geller] Rachel won't talk to me! She won't even open the door! [Phoebe Buffay] Hmm, I wonder why. Pervert! [Ross Geller] Okay, listen I am not a pervert! [Phoebe Buffay] That's like the pervert motto! Yeah! Yeah! They have you raise your right hand, put your left hand down your pants, and repeat that! [Ross Geller] Filming Rachel is not something I planned. Okay look, here's what happened, and Joey you-you can back me up on this. All right, about-about a month and a half ago I came to you with a problem? Umm, a personal thing. [Joey Tribbiani] Personal thing? What personal thing? I don't know. [Ross Geller] About...about sex? That I hadn't had sex in months? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah I knew what you were talkin' about. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Ross Geller] Do you have a minute? I'd like to talk to you about something I'm, I'm really uncomfortable talking about. [Joey Tribbiani] Sure. What? About uh, you showering with your mom? [Ross Geller] I actually had a topic in mind! I'm, I'm kinda going through a dry spell, sex wise. [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa, for like months? [Ross Geller] Five to be lying, six. [Joey Tribbiani] Six months? Whoa that's rough. [Ross Geller] Well, I mean it's not all bad. I'm learning to appreciate the uh, smaller things in life. Like the sound of a bird and the color of the sky. [Joey Tribbiani] The sky's blue Ross and I had sex yesterday! [Ross Geller] Please, help me! I have a date tonight. It has to go well okay-I'm scared for my health! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. Okay. Umm...Ooh! Oh-oh, I got something. It's this story I came up with, very romantic. I swear any woman that hears it; they're like putty. [Ross Geller] Really? Well then tell it to me. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. Now you're gonna want to have sex with me when you hear it, but you have to remember it is just the story. [Ross Geller] I'll try to control myself. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. Years ago, when I was backpacking across Western Europe... [Ross Geller] You were backpacking across Western Europe? [Joey Tribbiani] Have a nice six more months Ross! [Ross Geller] Okay! Okay! Okay. I'm sorry. Please, please, you were in Western Europe and? [Joey Tribbiani] I was just outside Barcelona hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo. I was at the end of this path and I came to a clearing and there was a lake, very secluded. And there were tall trees all around. It was dead silent. Gorgeous. And across the lake I saw...a beautiful woman...bathing herself...but she was crying... [Ross Geller] Why? --------------------------------------- [Kristen] Umm, this is great wine. [Ross Geller] It's from France...In Europe...Western Europe. Y'know umm, a few years ago I actually was backpacking across Western Europe. [Kristen] Really? [Ross Geller] Uh-hmm-Wait! It gets better. Um, yeah I was in Barcelona. [Kristen] I studied for a year in Barcelona. [Ross Geller] Anyway, umm so I was um, I was hiking... [Kristen] I love hiking! [Ross Geller] Oh that's great! I was hiking along the foothills of Mount Tibidaybo... [Kristen] I think its Tibidabo. [Ross Geller] Okay! Do you wanna tell the story?! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa! What are you doing here? How did your date go? [Ross Geller] Great! I'm across the street having sex with her right now. Your story sucks! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Look, if it didn't work it's because you didn't tell it right! Show me how you did it. [Ross Geller] No! No, I don't...don't want to. [Joey Tribbiani] How long since you've seen a girl naked? [Ross Geller] I was backpacking across Western Europe. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm not feeling it. [Ross Geller] I was just outside Barcelona, hiking... [Joey Tribbiani] No! No! No Ross! I'm not hot! Are you hot? [Ross Geller] It's been six months! I'm always hot! [Joey Tribbiani] Well you're not selling the story! It's like; it's like you don't believe it! Look, I gotta go. I got a date, but try this. Do what I do when I'm preparing for an audition. Okay? I'll set you up with my video camera and you can record yourself and-and see what you're doing wrong. [Ross Geller] I'll try that. [Joey Tribbiani] All right now... All right, you're all set up. You're good to go. Just hit record. All right? [Ross Geller] Thanks. [Joey Tribbiani] Good luck. [Ross Geller] Thanks. And-and hey Joe? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah? [Ross Geller] Listen, if you ever have any problem with the ladies you know I'll help you out. [Joey Tribbiani] That means a lot to me man. [Ross Geller] Hello! Can I get you anything? Huh? Lens cleaner? Your battery okay? Rachel! [Rachel Green] Oh Ross! [Ross Geller] Hi! [Rachel Green] Thank God you're here! You have to help me! Were you just talking to yourself? [Ross Geller] That's less embarrassing, yes. Yes I was. [Ross Geller] So when she came in, I got distracted and totally forgot about the camera. It kept rolling and recorded everything. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, we're gonna need to see that tape. [Monica Geller] Yeah, definitely. [Ross Geller] What a great idea! That will get Rachel to forgive me! [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know what? This is not fair to her. Let's just forget the tape! [Ross Geller] Thank you. No! [Joey Tribbiani] You're right. [Ross Geller] Joey! No! [Joey Tribbiani] Loud and clear! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I still don't get why Greg and Jenny would give us a fake number. [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know, if they knew what they were doing they probably didn't give you real names either. [Monica Geller] Okay, maybe people give out fake numbers, but they don't give out fake names. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah? Hi, Ken Adams, nice to meet you. [Phoebe Buffay] Regina Philange. [Chandler Bing] I still don't get it, we didn't do anything wrong. [Monica Geller] I know! Although, you did tell an awful lot of jokes. [Chandler Bing] I thought you said those jokes were funny. Joke! Joke! Joke! [Monica Geller] Joke. Joke. Blah! Blah! [Chandler Bing] Well maybe it was all of your questions. [Monica Geller] What about my questions? [Chandler Bing] The sheer volume, it was like flying with the Riddler! [Monica Geller] Oh, I'm sorry. Was that another joke? [Chandler Bing] Was that another question? [Rachel Green] Hey! Is Ross still here? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh no Rach, he's gone. But listen, he told us what happened and it does, it sounds like an honest mistake. [Rachel Green] Oh really? Well how would you like it if I had sex with you and I taped it? Oh forget it! Oh there he is now, the father of my child, the porn king of the west village. [Ross Geller] Look, it was accident! Okay? I-I feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didn't even watch it! Anyway, here. I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself. [Rachel Green] Thank you. What? You don't want to see this do you? [Monica Geller] Hell yeah!!! [Rachel Green] I am not gonna show you this! [Phoebe Buffay] No! Not the sex part, just the stuff leading up to it. [Ross Geller] Forget it, she's destroying it. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay fine! Fine! We'll just have to think of some other way to put the whole 'Who came onto who,' thing to rest! Come on now, think!! [Ross Geller] Look, forget it Phoebe. Okay? It's Rachel's tape and she can do whatever she wants with it. And she wants to destroy it. So, end of story. [Rachel Green] I wanna see it. [Ross Geller] What?! [Rachel Green] Clearly you don't want people to see this tape. Now I don't want people to see this tape either, but you so badly don't people to see it makes me want to see it. You see? [Joey Tribbiani] Are we watchin' the tape or not?! [Ross Geller] I don't want people to see it for your sake. [Rachel Green] Ahh, I don't believe you. I think you don't want them to see you begging me. [Ross Geller] Rachel, please... [Rachel Green] Ah, a little preview! [Ross Geller] Fine. Fine, but I want the record to show that I tried to take the high road, because in about five minutes I'm gonna be saying... [Rachel Green] Okay, here we go. [Ross Geller] Hello! Can I get you anything? [Joey Tribbiani] I'm so happy! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh, thank God you're here! You have to help me! Were you just talking to yourself? [Rachel Green] There I am. [Phoebe Buffay] You're gonna get pregnant. [Rachel Green] I screwed up so bad, I told Monica that I would stuff and send all these wedding invitations like weeks ago and I-I... [Ross Geller] You didn't do it? [Rachel Green] I-I know-I had put them in...in-in my desk at work and I completely forgot about them until today. [Monica Geller] Sweetie okay. It's okay. Everybody made it to the wedding. I'm fine. [Rachel Green] Kinda hurtin' my hand though. [Monica Geller] I know. [Rachel Green] I cannot believe that I did this. Especially after Monica just went on and on and on about it! "Okay Rachel! Here are the invitations Rachel! Now be very careful Rachel! Please, drinking no liquids around the invitations Rachel!" Whoa oh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh...oh-oh-oh... [Chandler Bing] Did you do it on our invitations?! [Ross Geller] Not on the ones we sent out. [Chandler Bing] So, just the ones gave back to us and we had framed! [Rachel Green] Can you believe this is already happening? I mean it seems like yesterday they just got engaged. [Ross Geller] I know. Hey remember...remember the night they got engaged? How uh, you and I almost... [Rachel Green] Oh, I remember how we almost. Do you think we would've gone through with it? Y'know, if we hadn't gotten caught. Do you think we would've done it? [Ross Geller] I mean I...I know I wanted to. I just, I just wasn't sure if you wanted to. [Rachel Green] Oh I wanted to. [Ross Geller] So we...we both wanted to. [Rachel Green] Interesting. [Ross Geller] Yeah. Anyway umm, it probably worked out for the best. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah, sure. [Rachel Green] Okay, in about ten seconds you're gonna see him kiss me. [Ross Geller] And in about five seconds you're gonna see why. [Rachel Green] Ross did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe? [Rachel Green] Okay, get ready to see some beggin'! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, you came on to Ross! [Rachel Green] What?! [Ross Geller] Now I'm so happy. [Rachel Green] What are you talking about?! [Monica Geller] You used the Europe story! [Chandler Bing] That's the magic story you use when you wanna have sex! [Rachel Green] How do you know about that story?! [Joey Tribbiani] How do you know about that story?! [Rachel Green] I heard it from my friend Irene who heard it from some guy! [Joey Tribbiani] Some guy!! [Rachel Green] No. No, she told me his name was Ken Adams. [Joey Tribbiani] Ken Adams!! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hi. [Rachel Green] So uh, apparently people are familiar with the Europe story? [Ross Geller] Yeah. Listen about that, the whole uh, who came on to who thing really doesn't matter. I mean, I think it would've happened either way. I mean if you hadn't initiated it I-I-I know I would've. [Rachel Green] It was an amazing night. [Ross Geller] It was. It was an amazing night. [Rachel Green] You think it looked amazing? [Ross Geller] I uh... I don't know. I mean I...I honestly didn't watch it. [Rachel Green] Yeah, me neither. Yet... [Ross Geller] Uhhhhhh...that-that may be weird. [Rachel Green] Yeah, it would be really weird. [Ross Geller] Good luck. [Rachel Green] Good luck to you. [Ross Geller] Mind if I mute? [Rachel Green] Oh please. [Ross Geller] Oh, oh there go the clothes. [Rachel Green] You are undressing very quickly. [Ross Geller] Six months Rachel, six months. [Rachel Green] Ah. Oh. [Ross Geller] Hey. We-we look...we look pretty good. [Rachel Green] That's what I was gonna say. [Ross Geller] Oh nice tan! [Rachel Green] Thank you! I had just gone to the beach that weekend. [Ross Geller] Ah.... [Rachel Green] Have you been working out? [Ross Geller] I have been working out. [Rachel Green] Really? Wow, this is so much better than I... [Rachel Green] Ohh! Ew! [Ross Geller] Oh that's not pretty. [Rachel Green] Oh! Oh! [Ross Geller] No! [Rachel Green] Oh God! [Ross Geller] Oh no! [Rachel Green] Oh, make it stop! [Ross Geller] Oh no!! [Rachel Green] Make it stop!! [Ross Geller] No!! [Rachel Green] Have to make it stop!! [Ross Geller] No!!! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hello Greg? Hi, this is Monica from the plane? Listen, the number that you gave me 853-5... That is their old number! Jenny's been giving it out since they moved! [Chandler Bing] Jenny! That is so Jenny! [Monica Geller] Hey listen umm, how would you like to get together? Say next Saturday? Okay, how about Sunday? Okay umm, the week after that? The week after that? Y'know what Greg? Y'know what? We are good, interesting, funny people with good questions and if you and your precious Jenny can't see that then... January 15th? We'll see you then! Okay!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e04", "title": "The One With The Video Tape"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Rachel's Date [Monica Geller] Okay, now this one is rare, this one is medium well! Now go-go-go! Hey Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey how was dinner?! [Phoebe Buffay] Dinner was good! [Monica Geller] Okay! [Phoebe Buffay] I'm just saying hi! Now I'm gonna go! [Monica Geller] Okay! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, well hello there. [Guy] Hi. [Phoebe Buffay] I didn't see this on the menu. [Monica Geller] Uh Tim? This is Phoebe. Phoebe this is Tim, my new sous chef. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, so you're Monica's boss? [Tim] Actually she's my-my boss. Sous is French for under. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! I sous stand. [Monica Geller] Hey Tim? I need a calamari and a Caesar salad. And umm, could you get me the pesto? [Tim] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh you...you made pesto? [Tim] Yes I did. [Phoebe Buffay] Would you say your pesto is the best-o? [Tim] I...I-I don't know, but I would say it's pretty good-o. [Monica Geller] All right, I still need a calamari and a Caesar salad. [Tim] I like your necklace. [Phoebe Buffay] I made it myself. [Tim] You are so talented. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, it's no pesto. [Monica Geller] All right, all right! Let's just cut to the chase, okay? You're single. You're single. He gets off work at eleven. She'll be waiting for your call. I'll give him your number if I can get one calamari and one Caesar salad!! I did not yell. I am not putting a dollar in the jar. --------------------------------------- [Mr. Franklin] Wow Bing! Burning the midnight oil. [Chandler Bing] You know me sir. Oh ah, I do have a question for ya. Do you know how I get around the office computer network so I can access the really good Internet porn? [Mr. Franklin] You're a joker Bing. [Chandler Bing] What's funny about that? [Ross Geller] Hey! Sorry I kept you waiting so long. [Chandler Bing] Hey that's okay. So, where do you want to go? [Ross Geller] Oh ah, I think you know where I want to go. [Chandler Bing] The Hard Rock Caf? [Ross Geller] Yeah! [Chandler Bing] Again?! [Ross Geller] Yeah!! [Ross Geller] I'm telling you, I like the food! [Chandler Bing] You like the Purple Rain display! Hey Bob. [Bob (Chandler's coworker)] Hey Toby! Have a good night. [Ross Geller] Did that guy just call you Toby? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, he thinks that's my name. [Ross Geller] Well, why don't you correct him? [Chandler Bing] Oh it's been going on way to long now. Y'know, I mean the first time he said it we were just passing each other in the hallway, so I didn't say anything. And then the next time he said, "Hey Toby, do you want a donut?" And I-I wanted a donut. And now it's five years later, the donut's gone and I'm still Toby. [Ross Geller] Five years?! Chandler you have to tell him! [Chandler Bing] No! That would be so awkward! Look-Besides, we work in different departments. He's on the sixth floor y'know? So he calls me Toby once in a while. What's the big deal? It could be worse, it's not like he's calling me Muriel. [Ross Geller] Muriel. Wh-why would he call you Muriel? Oh my God! Chandler M Bing? It's not just an M, your middle name is Muriel!! [Chandler Bing] Shh! It is a family name! [Ross Geller] Chandler Muriel Bing. Boy, your parents never gave you a chance did they? --------------------------------------- [Joey's Co-Star] Drake, I've discovered the reason for all your headaches and memory loss. [Dr. Drake Ramoray] What is it? [Joey's Co-Star] Apparently your brain transplant was not entirely successful. It seems your body is rejecting Jessica's brain. [Dr. Drake Ramoray] Is it serious? [Joey's Co-Star] Not if we extract tissue from the original host body, synthesize antibodies, and introduce them into your system, which could stop it from rejecting the brain. [Dr. Drake Ramoray] Well that sounds simple enough, let's just do that. [Joey's Co-Star] We would, but when we went to exhume Jessica's body, it was gone. [Director] Cut! Very nice people! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, let me just get changed and we can go to dinner. [Rachel Green] Well don't-What happened to Jessica's body?! [Joey Tribbiani] I'm not telling, you'll have to see it on TV! [Rachel Green] You don't know do you? [Joey Tribbiani] No, couldn't care less. [Joey's Co-Star] Hey good scene man. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey you too! [Joey's Co-Star] Alright. [Joey Tribbiani] What? You weren't in it. [Rachel Green] Oh! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh sorry. Uh-uh, Kash? [Kash] Yes? [Joey Tribbiani] This is my friend Rachel. Rachel, Kash, Kash, Rachel. [Rachel Green] Hi. [Kash] Hey! How come I haven't seen you here before? [Rachel Green] Well, Joey probably thinks I'll just embarrass him. Y'know, he thinks I'm some kind of a soap opera nut-Which I'm not! I'm not. Although I do know that your uh, your favorite ice cream flavor is butter pecan. And uh, and that your-your dog's name is Wally. Well look at that, I'm just stroking your arm. [Joey Tribbiani] Here we go! Here we go! [Rachel Green] Oh, we're leaving. Bye Kash. [Kash] Bye. [Rachel Green] Say hi to Wally. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh Monica! [Monica Geller] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! I had the best time with Tim last night. He is so sweet! Oh, I can't wait to get sous-neath him. [Monica Geller] I...I have to fire him. [Phoebe Buffay] But why?! [Monica Geller] Because he's terrible! Okay, he's slow, he burns things, last night he lit my pastry chef on fire! [Phoebe Buffay] Well maybe he was just nervous, y'know you can be very intimidating. And besides I've met your pastry chef and she can stand to be taken down a peg or two. [Monica Geller] Well, now she has no eyebrows, mission accomplished. [Phoebe Buffay] But Monica, he loves his job so much! Can you just give him another chance? Please? [Monica Geller] All right, but if-if he lights someone else on fire he is out of there! [Phoebe Buffay] That's fair! Thank you so much. Thanks. Oops, it looks like when he got the pastry chef he got you a little bit too. [Monica Geller] I paid to have this done. [Phoebe Buffay] Love it! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh you know uh Kash, really liked you the other day. He said he thought you were charming. [Rachel Green] I thought I was a complete idiot. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, I'm with you. He even asked me if I thought you'd go out with him. [Rachel Green] Oh! Oh, I think I'm gonna throw up a little bit. What did you say? [Joey Tribbiani] I said no. [Rachel Green] What?! [Joey Tribbiani] What? I...I just figured since you're pregnant you're not gonna be seeing people. [Rachel Green] Okay Joey, first of all Kash Ford is not people. Second of all, what did he say when you told him I was pregnant? [Joey Tribbiani] I didn't tell him. I didn't know if you were telling people. This is back when I thought Kash was still people. [Rachel Green] Good-good, don't tell him. Don't tell him. Just have him call me okay? [Joey Tribbiani] Rach look, I really don't think that's such a great... [Rachel Green] Okay, you go do it! I'll come back to that set! I'll meet more actors! I'll meet 'em all! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey Bob. [Bob (Chandler's coworker)] Hey! How's my pal Toby doing today? [Chandler Bing] If I see him, I'll ask. [Bob (Chandler's coworker)] Toby! [Mr. Franklin] Hey-hey! Bing? Was that Bob from six you were just talking too? [Chandler Bing] Yeah! [Mr. Franklin] Oh then you know each other. [Chandler Bing] We're on a semi-first name basis. [Mr. Franklin] What do you think of adding him to our team? [Chandler Bing] Bob? Ooh, working here with us? Everyday? Yeah, I don't know if he has what it takes. [Mr. Franklin] Really? They love him down on six. [Chandler Bing] But this is eleven. It's almost twice as hard up here. [Mr. Franklin] Okay, I hear you loud and clear. Bob will stay put. [Chandler Bing] I think it's best sir. [Mr. Franklin] But we really do need to find someone up here. The work is starting to pile up. I've got a stack of documents on my desk this high. [Chandler Bing] Y'know what you should do, just toss 'em in the shedder and claim you never got 'em. [Mr. Franklin] That's a good one. [Chandler Bing] What does a guy have to do to be taken seriously around here?! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey. Okay, I gave him another chance, but Tim has got to go! [Phoebe Buffay] But... [Monica Geller] No! No-no! He is totally incompetent. I called the chef who recommended him to me. He said, "Ha-ha! Gotcha!" [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Okay, but you can't fire him today. [Monica Geller] Why not?! [Phoebe Buffay] Because I'm dumping him today. [Monica Geller] What?! You said he was sweet! [Phoebe Buffay] He is sweet. He's too sweet. He calls me all the time. "So did-did you get home from work okay?" "Did-did you get out of the shower okay?" [Monica Geller] Just don't pick up your phone. [Phoebe Buffay] Then he comes over! "I'm so worried about you." Uck! Be a man! [Monica Geller] What? So now I'm not allowed to fire him? [Phoebe Buffay] You can't fire him and dump him the same day, he'll kill himself. [Monica Geller] Okay well then, I'll fire him today and you go out with him for another week. [Phoebe Buffay] Are you kidding?! Another week with that sip, I'll kill myself! [Monica Geller] Okay well, then we'll both do it today and he'll just have to deal with it! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. But the question is who's gonna go first. 'Cause whoever goes second is the bitch. [Monica Geller] What do you mean? [Phoebe Buffay] Come on! The boss that fires a guy that's just been dumped, bitch! And the woman who dumps a guy that's just been fired, blond bitch! [Monica Geller] I wanted to do this days ago so I think I should go first. [Phoebe Buffay] All right, that makes sense. Ugh. But-Screw you I'm going first! --------------------------------------- [Bob (Chandler's coworker)] Hey Toby, you got a sec? [Chandler Bing] Sure, what's up? [Bob (Chandler's coworker)] I just had a meeting, I was actually hoping to get transferred up here, but I just found out its not gonna happen. Apparently somebody thinks I'm not eleventh floor material. Say uh, who the hell is this Chandler? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey, what do you think is a better excuse for why I'm not drinking on this date tonight. "Umm, I'm a recovering alcoholic. I'm a Mormon," or "I got so hammered last night I'm still a little drunk?" [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Ross Geller] So, what do you want to do tonight? There's a Ukrainian film at the Angelica that's supposed to be very powerful. Interested? [Joey Tribbiani] No. No. But I'll go see a normal person movie with ya. [Ross Geller] Rach? You wanna come? [Rachel Green] Oh no, I can't. I got a date. [Ross Geller] A date? [Rachel Green] Yeah. Why? Is that weird for you? [Ross Geller] Why no, it's the opposite of weird. It's-it's uh, regular. It's-it's uh, it's mundane. It's actually uh, a little dull. [Joey Tribbiani] It's no Ukrainian film. [Rachel Green] Yeah-Ooh! Earrings! [Ross Geller] A date?! She's-she's got a date?! With who? [Joey Tribbiani] I set her up with this actor on my show. [Ross Geller] You set her up?! [Joey Tribbiani] No [Ross Geller] Joey what-what were you thinking?! [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I was thinking that it'd probably be okay because Ross hasn't gone out with Rachel in five years! [Ross Geller] Joey, I'm not worried about her! I'm worried about my baby! Whoever she dates my baby dates! Now-now where is this actor taking them? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! I'm an actor too! I'm not sure. I think they're taking the ferry out to some Italian place on Staten Island. [Ross Geller] A ferry? My baby is going on a ferry? Do you have any idea how dangerous those are?! [Joey Tribbiani] Are we talking about one of those big boats that carry cars that go like five miles an hour? [Ross Geller] Why don't they just jump out of an airplane?! Huh?! That-that's a fun date! Or burn each other with matches?! That's fun too! Whew!! [Kash] Hey Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Kash. Uh hey-hey this is Ross. Ross, this is Kash. [Kash] Hey. [Ross Geller] Hi. I-I hear you're going on a ferry tonight. [Kash] Yeah. [Ross Geller] A bit of a daredevil are we? [Rachel Green] Hey guys do you think this is too slutty-Hi Kash! [Kash] Hey Rachel! You ready to go? [Rachel Green] Yeah! All right, I'll see you guys later. [Ross Geller] Okay. Have a great time you guys. [Rachel Green] Thank you. [Kash] Thank you. [Ross Geller] Yes it is too slutty! --------------------------------------- [Tim] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Hi. [Tim] Oh, I'm so glad you called. I feel like it's always me calling you. So, what's up? Is everything okay with Phoebe? [Phoebe Buffay] It will be...in a minute. Listen, Tim you're a really great guy. [Tim] It's because I'm with you. [Phoebe Buffay] Aw. I'm just-I'm in a place in my life right now where I...I... [Tim] Whoops. Sorry. This just in. Oh, it's 9-1-1 from the restaurant, that means Monica needs me right away. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh-oh no she doesn't! I know what that is. You can stay. [Tim] Awww, I'll miss you too Pheebs. And I will be holding you, right here. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] So what movie do you want to see-And not another one I have to read. Okay? I get enough of that from books. [Ross Geller] Books? [Joey Tribbiani] All right, car magazines, cereal boxes, but it's like enough! [Ross Geller] Well, I tell you what. Why don't we uh, why don't we just stay here? Let's not see a movie, we'll just hang. [Joey Tribbiani] And just wait for Rachel to come back from her date? [Ross Geller] Hey, if that's what you want to do I'm not gonna say no. [Joey Tribbiani] Dude! What is going on?! [Ross Geller] I just...I have to find out how it went. [Joey Tribbiani] Why? [Ross Geller] This guy could be my baby's stepfather! [Joey Tribbiani] They go on one date and you're worried about them getting married?! He's not you! [Ross Geller] I just-I-I can't believe she's-she's dating?! [Joey Tribbiani] Well Ross, what did you think she was gonna do? [Ross Geller] I don't know! I guess I just can't believe any of this is happening. [Joey Tribbiani] What do you mean? [Ross Geller] It's just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susan's, it's like-It breaks my heart a little. I mean I've always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Y'know? Maybe fight over the science section. [Joey Tribbiani] That's a nice picture. Maybe you can still have that! [Ross Geller] No! No I can't. I mean Rachel's out with some guy. My baby went with her. If anything that picture keeps moving further away. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, can I ask you something? In this, in this picture of you and your wife, is your wife Rachel? [Ross Geller] It used to be. Now she doesn't really have a face. Smokin' body though. [Joey Tribbiani] Good call. Yeah. But, the face Ross, the face isn't Rachel. [Ross Geller] No but ahh! How much easier would it be if it were? [Joey Tribbiani] I know, but I don't think that's what she wants. [Ross Geller] No, it's not what I want either. I mean I-I can't force myself to fall in love with her again now. [Joey Tribbiani] That's okay Ross maybe you need a new picture. Okay? It's not gonna be what you thought, but no matter what there's gonna be a brand new little baby, your baby. Who cares what the picture looks like? [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, I tell you what. Let's you and me go out and have some fun. Huh? Whatever you want. Come on! [Ross Geller] We can still catch that Ukrainian film. [Joey Tribbiani] No, I said fun! --------------------------------------- [Bob (Chandler's coworker)] Hey Toby! [Chandler Bing] Hey Bobby. [Bob (Chandler's coworker)] It's Bob actually. Hey, you work up here, can you tell me where this Chandler Bing's office is? [Chandler Bing] Uhh yeah. Yeah, it's right, right down there. Right there, yeah. Can I ask you why? [Bob (Chandler's coworker)] I want to talk to that bastard, see what his problem is. [Chandler Bing] Okay Bob listen uhh, I'm the reason you didn't get the job up here. [Bob (Chandler's coworker)] Toby don't. [Chandler Bing] Bob! [Bob (Chandler's coworker)] Toby! I'm not gonna let you cover for him. Anything you say right now will just get me more upset with Chandler! [Chandler Bing] Well that puts me in a difficult position. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey. [Tim] I got your page, is everything okay? [Monica Geller] Uh well that depends, how are things with Phoebe? [Tim] Oh it's great! It's great! Thank you so much for introducing us! [Monica Geller] Oh my pleasure. Okay, I'm afraid I've got some bad news. Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] Monica! [Monica Geller] You're fired! [Phoebe Buffay] I'm breaking up with you! [Tim] What? [Phoebe Buffay] I'm, I'm breaking up with you. [Monica Geller] You're fired. [Tim] Why? [Phoebe Buffay] I'm sorry, I'm just-I'm...I'm just not ready for a relationship right now. [Monica Geller] Yeah and-and I'm sorry too. But, well I just-I like things done a certain way and the chemistry's just not right. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh that's good, the chemistry thing for us too. [Tim] Wow! Umm, okay. Umm... I-I-I realize I came on a little strong but, it's only because I think you're so amazing. And uh, I-I just wanna, I just wanna tell you how much I appreciate you giving me an opportunity here because I-you're the most talented chef I've ever worked for. Anyway... [Monica Geller] Tim wait! [Tim] Yeah? [Monica Geller] Umm, I think I spoke too quickly. There-there's a learning curve with this job and maybe we can try it again. [Tim] Really? [Monica Geller] Yeah. [Tim] Thank you so much! 'Cause I-I know I can do better! [Monica Geller] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] And Tim I just wanna say, good luck here. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hello. [Rachel Green] Hi! [Ross Geller] Well, how was the date? [Rachel Green] Well I'm alone and I just bought fifteen dollars worth of candy bars, what do you think? [Ross Geller] Uh-huh. What happened? [Rachel Green] I made the mistake of telling him that I was pregnant. [Ross Geller] Ah, he didn't uh, take it so well? [Rachel Green] Well better than you, but y'know still not what you want. [Ross Geller] Oh? [Rachel Green] He got all weird and sputtery and then he said uh, "Yeah, I hear those hemorrhoids are a bitch." [Ross Geller] He sounds swell. [Rachel Green] Doesn't he? [Ross Geller] Hey, wanna...wanna a little cheering up? [Rachel Green] Yes. [Ross Geller] Sit down. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Ross Geller] Guess whose middle name is Muriel. [Rachel Green] Chandler M. Bing? [Ross Geller] Yeah-ha! [Rachel Green] Oh my God. [Ross Geller] I'm sorry about your date. [Rachel Green] Oh it's all right. I'm guess I'm just done with the whole dating thing. It's one more thing in my life that's suddenly completely different. This is hard. [Ross Geller] Yeah I know. On the other hand in um, in about seven months you're gonna have something that you're gonna love more than any guy you've ever gone out with. Just wait. Wait until uh, wait until the first time your baby grabs your finger. You have no idea. [Rachel Green] Thanks sweetie. [Ross Geller] You wanna, you wanna grab some coffee? [Rachel Green] Oh no, I think I'm gonna go home and eat ten candy bars. [Ross Geller] Hey, I thought I cheered you up. [Rachel Green] Oh you did, there are twenty in here. [Ross Geller] Right. Good night. [Rachel Green] Good night. --------------------------------------- [Mona] Ross? [Ross Geller] Yeah? [Mona] Hey it's Mona! From the wedding. [Ross Geller] Oh hi! [Mona] Hi! [Ross Geller] Wow! Uh...how are you? [Mona] I'm good except umm, you still owe me a dance. [Ross Geller] Oh that's right. Well uh, would you be interested in seeing a Ukrainian film? [Mona] Oh you're serious. Sure! [Ross Geller] Great! Well umm... [Mona] I think I might need one more cup of coffee. [Ross Geller] Sure! Uh, let me get it for ya. [Mona] Okay. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Bob. Bob! Bob!!! What the hell are you doing?! [Bob (Chandler's coworker)] I just found out this is Chandler's office! Come on Toby, give me a hand!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e05", "title": "The One With Rachel's Date"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Halloween Party [Monica Geller] Hey you guys? [Ross Geller] What? [Monica Geller] I know it's last minute, but we decided to have a Halloween party. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh good! [Monica Geller] And everybody has to wear costumes. Come on! It'll be fun! [Ross Geller] Well, I'll-I'll be there. I mean I have to wear a costume to all my classes that day anyway so... [Rachel Green] Please tell me you're not gonna dress up like a dinosaur. [Ross Geller] Not two years in a row. [Joey Tribbiani] Look, I'll come to the party but I'm not dressing up. [Monica Geller] You have to! [Joey Tribbiani] No way! Look, Halloween is so stupid! Dressing up, pretending to be someone you're not... [Chandler Bing] You're an actor! [Monica Geller] So Ross, are you gonna bring Mona? [Ross Geller] Yeah. Yeah, I think I will. [Joey Tribbiani] That hot girl from their wedding? [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] Well hey-hey if she needs any idea for costumes, she could be a bikini model, or a slutty nurse, or a sexy cheerleader huh-Ooh-ooh, Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre-No-no-no! Slutty Leatherface. [Phoebe Buffay] Now wasn't Joey hitting on her at the wedding too? [Ross Geller] That's right! He was hitting on her, and I got her. I guess the better man won. Please don't take her from me. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Ursula! Wait! Err-err, it's me! Phoebe! [Ursula Buffay] Oh, I thought there was a mirror there. Okay, bye-bye. [Phoebe Buffay] Wait a second! So, what's new with you? [Ursula Buffay] Umm, nothing. I mean, I'm getting married next week. [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Ursula Buffay] Yeah! Yeah, it's gonna be a small ceremony. Just family. His. [Phoebe Buffay] Huh. Okay. Well, I'm really happy for you. [Ursula Buffay] Wait! If umm, if you want to come, I guess that'd be okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Really? [Ursula Buffay] Sure! Why not? You could be my sister for the day. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. Okay. Umm, y'know, my friends are having a Halloween party tonight at my old apartment so, you could come. Maybe I could meet the guy you're marrying. [Ursula Buffay] Huh. Well, I'm supposed to be working at the restaurant tonight. I'm supposed to be working right now, so who cares. [Phoebe Buffay] By the way, it's a costume party. [Ursula Buffay] Oh! Okay, so that's why you're... [Phoebe Buffay] No. But thanks. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi! [Monica Geller] Wait! You're supposed to wear a costume! [Rachel Green] I am! I am a woman who spent a lot of money on a dress and she wants to wear it, because soon she won't be able to fit into it. [Monica Geller] Oh. [Rachel Green] Ahh! [Monica Geller] I'm Catwoman, who wants to borrow the dress when you're too big for it. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Kids] Trick or treat! [Rachel Green] Oh! Oh! Can I give out the candy? I really want to be with the kids right now. Y'know, ever since I got pregnant I-I have the strongest maternal instincts. [Kids] Trick or treat!! [Rachel Green] Just a minute!!! Look at you guys! Wow! You are a very scary witch. [Witch] Thank you. [Rachel Green] And you are a very funny clown. [Clown] Thank you. [Rachel Green] And you are so in style right now. Y'know, I work at Ralph Lauren and the whole fall line has got this like equestrian theme going on. I don't suppose you saw the cover of British Vogue, but... [Cowgirl] Can I just have the candy? [Rachel Green] Yeah. Sure. [Phoebe Buffay] Ah, Catwoman. So we meet again. [Monica Geller] So we do Supergirl. [Phoebe Buffay] No, it's me. Phoebe! [Chandler Bing] Monica! Can I talk to you for a second? Listen, I appreciate you getting me the costume... [Rachel Green] Oh, you did this to him? [Monica Geller] What?! I thought he'd love it! His favorite kid's book was the Velveteen Rabbit! [Chandler Bing] The Velveteen Rabbit was brown and white! [Monica Geller] Well, it was either a pink bunny or no bunny at all. [Chandler Bing] No bunny at all!! Always no bunny at all!!! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Monica Geller] You didn't dress up either?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yes I did! I'm Chandler. Dude, what happened? [Chandler Bing] How is that me? [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. I'm Chandler [Phoebe Buffay] That is so you! [Chandler Bing] When have I ever done that?! [Joey Tribbiani] When have I ever done that?! [Girl] Trick or treat! [Rachel Green] Oh! Well you're just the prettiest ballerina I've ever seen. [Ballerina] Thank you. [Rachel Green] Oh wow! That deserves another piece of candy. [Ballerina] Thank you. [Rachel Green] Well, I have to say that earns tutu pieces of candy. [Ballerina] I love you! [Rachel Green] Ohh... Oh, honey here. Take it all. Monica! We need more candy? [Monica Geller] What?! There's only been like four kids. [Rachel Green] Yeah I know, but one of them just said that she loved me so I just gave her everything. [Phoebe Buffay] No wonder your pregnant. [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey. [Monica Geller] What are you supposed to be? [Ross Geller] Remember the Russian satellite, Sputnik? Well, I'm a potato or a...spud. And these are my antennae. So Sputnik, becomes... Spud-nik. Spudnik! [Chandler Bing] Wow! I don't have the worst costume anymore! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey all right, Ross came as doody. [Ross Geller] No, I-I'm not doody. [Monica Geller] No, space doody! [Eric] Aren't you gonna give me a kiss? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I will. But right after you tell me who the hell you are. [Eric] Ursula? [Phoebe Buffay] Ursula's fiance? [Eric] Oh my God, you're the sister! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. [Eric] Okay, I just slapped my future sister-in-law's ass. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. [Eric] I'm an idiot. Uh, is your mother here? Maybe I can give her a little slap on the butt. [Phoebe Buffay] My mother killed herself. [Eric] She, now I knew that and...now I'm sweating. Look at me, I'm really sweating-Now I'm saying, "Look at me," I'm getting even sweatier. I think I probably should go. [Phoebe Buffay] No-no! That's okay, we'll just start over. Okay? Hi! I'm Phoebe. [Eric] Eric. [Phoebe Buffay] Why are you looking at me like that? [Eric] 'Cause the sweat's getting in my eyes and its burning. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. So, what are you? [Eric] I don't think they have a name for it. It's just I get nervous; I start sweating like crazy. [Phoebe Buffay] No I-I meant your costume. [Eric] Oh umm, I'm the solar system. Yeah, my students helped me make it-I teach the second grade. [Phoebe Buffay] I love the second grade! [Eric] Really? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! It's so much better than first grade when you don't know what's going on and definitely better than third grade. Y'know with all the politics and mind games. [Eric] So what do you do? [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, I'm a masseuse...by day. [Eric] Y'know you don't have to stand here with me, believe me... [Phoebe Buffay] No I'm having fun. I'm really-And I'm really-really excited for you and Ursula. [Eric] Oh I feel very lucky, she's great. I think she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. [Phoebe Buffay] Thank you. [Monica Geller] Hey Joey? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Monica Geller] You read comic books right? [Joey Tribbiani] Exclusively. [Monica Geller] Who do you think would win in a fight, Catwoman or Supergirl? [Joey Tribbiani] Catwoman, hands down. [Monica Geller] Yeah... [Joey Tribbiani] But between you and Phoebe, I'd have to give the edge to Phoebe. [Monica Geller] What?! Really?! [Joey Tribbiani] Are you kiddin'? Phoebe lived on the street. Okay? Plus, she's got this crazy temper. She-She's not standing right behind me is she? [Monica Geller] No you're fine. All right well, do you think I could take Rachel? [Joey Tribbiani] I'm not sure. [Monica Geller] What?! Come on I am tough! Punch me right here! As hard as you can! [Joey Tribbiani] Will you relax?! What are you taking this so seriously for? It doesn't matter. [Monica Geller] Oh really? Okay? Well what would you say if I told you that, y'know, Ross or Chandler could beat you up? [Joey Tribbiani] I would say, "Woman, please!" [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. Ursula's fiance is really sweet! He's a teacher, he does all this volunteer work. Y'know normally y'know, I don't like really sweaty guys. But this one? I could just mop him up! [Monica Geller] Oh my God, Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] What? [Monica Geller] You're getting a crush on your sister's fiance. [Phoebe Buffay] No I'm not! You are! [Joey Tribbiani] Here comes the temper. [Girl] Trick or treat! [Rachel Green] Hi! Y'know what honey, we're actually out of candy right now. But someone just went out to get some and I have been giving out money but I'm out of that too. Hey, can I write you a check? [Girl] Okay! [Rachel Green] Okay, what's your name? [Girl] Lelani Mayolanofavich. [Rachel Green] Okay, I'm just gonna write this out to cash. [Mona] Hi! [Rachel Green] Hey Mona! [Chandler Bing] Oh! Hi! [Mona] Hi! [Chandler Bing] Joey's gonna be thrilled! He was hoping you'd come by as a slutty nurse. [Mona] Umm, actually I'm just a nurse. [Chandler Bing] You'd think that would embarrass me, but you see I'm maxed out. [Ross Geller] Hey! [Mona] Hi! [Ross Geller] You made it! [Mona] Wait-wait! You're umm, you're a potato... [Ross Geller] Well, I'm a spud... [Mona] And the antennae...Oh my God you're Spudnik! [Ross Geller] Yes! [Chandler Bing] Marry her. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, here's a good one for ya. Who do think would win in a fight between Ross and Chandler. [Monica Geller] I can't answer that! Chandler's my husband. [Joey Tribbiani] So Ross? [Monica Geller] Yeah. [Eric] Hey beautiful. [Phoebe Buffay] Hello handsome. Oh God. Oh look at you two. So when did you guys meet? [Eric] Two weeks ago. [Phoebe Buffay] Two weeks? That's it? [Eric] Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, and it's not like me to do something so impulsive, but she's just so perfect, and we have so much in common. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh really? [Eric] We're both teachers. [Phoebe Buffay] Huh? [Eric] And we were both in the Peace Corps. [Phoebe Buffay] Peace Corps, really? [Eric] In fact when we were building houses in Uruguay, we were, we were just two towns apart and we never met. [Ursula Buffay] Yeah. It wasn't a town when I got there, but it was a town when I left. Shall we get me really drunk? [Eric] Sure. [Chandler Bing] Howdy doody. [Ross Geller] That's funny. Yeah. Y'know you're the funniest man here in a pink bunny costume his wife made him wear. [Chandler Bing] Oh relax man, relax. You're looking a little flushed. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey-hey, I think we might find out the answer to our question. [Chandler Bing] What question? [Joey Tribbiani] Monica and I were talking about who could kick whose ass in a fight, you or Ross? [Chandler Bing] There's no question. [Joey Tribbiani] So you think Ross too? [Chandler Bing] You picked Ross?! [Monica Geller] Ross is really strong! Okay, he's the strongest out of all three of you! Except for Joey. [Chandler Bing] I cannot believe you didn't pick me. [Ross Geller] Uh, in her defense, she's right. I am stronger. I would destroy you. [Chandler Bing] Oh really?! You think you're stronger? Why don't you prove it? [Ross Geller] Oh I'll prove it! I'll prove it like a theorem!! [Monica Geller] Wait-wait!! Okay, stop it! Stop it! Stop! Now listen, no one's gonna fight in this apartment. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Monica! People came to see a fight, let's give 'em what they came for! [Mona] Hey, you guys could arm wrestle. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. Listen to the slutty nurse. [Chandler Bing] You're going down. [Ross Geller] Oh yeah? You're going further down! Downtown! [Joey Tribbiani] Seriously guys, the trash talk is embarrassing. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh Gunther! You brought candy! Thank you so much for picking this up! You are so sweet. [Gunther] Really? [Rachel Green] Honey, someday you are gonna make some man the luckiest guy in the world. [Kid] Trick or treat! [Rachel Green] Gotta go! Hi! Wow! There you go! [Boy In The Cape] My friend Lewis told me you were giving out money. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah, we were but umm, now we've got candy. [Boy In The Cape] I'd rather have the money. [Rachel Green] Well, that-that's not your choice. Happy Halloween! [Boy In The Cape] This isn't fair. [Rachel Green] Well is it fair that all you did was put on a cape and I gotta give you free stuff? [Boy In The Cape] Shut up! [Rachel Green] You shut up! [Boy In The Cape] You can't tell me to shut up! [Rachel Green] Uh, I think I just did. And uh-oh, here it comes again. Shut up! [Joey Tribbiani] Rach? [Rachel Green] Yeah I know-I'm good-I got it! Now wait a minute, I've got one more thing I have to say to you...oh right! Shut up! [Boy In The Cape] You're a mean old woman. [Rachel Green] No! Wait no! Shut up-I mean don't cry! Let me get my checkbook! [Monica Geller] Look honey, you don't have to do this, okay? It's the strength you have inside that means the most to me. You're loyal, you're honest, and you have integrity! That's the kind of strength that I want in the man that I love! [Chandler Bing] That means nothing to me. Come on! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hi liar! [Ursula Buffay] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know the only reason he's marrying you is because he thinks all the things you were saying about yourself were true. [Ursula Buffay] Well they could be true. [Phoebe Buffay] But they're not! [Ursula Buffay] Yeah, it's a fine line huh? [Phoebe Buffay] Why are you lying to him? [Ursula Buffay] I don't know. He said he did all this stuff and then I said I did it too and he got so excited, it was really fun. [Eric] Honey? [Ursula Buffay] It's a filthy, disgusting habit and I want you to quit now! [Eric] She's helped so many people to quit smoking. [Ursula Buffay] Y'know, we'd really better get going. [Eric] Oh right, you've got a church group meeting tonight. [Ursula Buffay] Right. [Eric] Well, it was nice meeting you. [Phoebe Buffay] You too. And Ursula?! It was really nice meeting you tonight!! [Joey Tribbiani] Pheebs come on! Bunny vs. Doody! We're waiting! Okay. Okay guys, one match, winner take all. Oh wait-wait! What does the winner get? [Ross Geller] Pride. [Chandler Bing] And dignity. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, if you say so. All right, ready? Set! Go! [Mona] Wow! They're both really strong. [Joey Tribbiani] Or equally weak. [Monica Geller] Oh God! [Phoebe Buffay] Hmm? [Monica Geller] Chandler's making his sex face. [Ross Geller] So, you gettin' tired? [Chandler Bing] Nope! I can do this all day. [Ross Geller] Yeah? Me too. Gettin' a little tired though. [Chandler Bing] God, I'm exhausted. [Ross Geller] Look this is starting to look really bad for me. Okay? Mona, Mona's standing right over there. Oh God, she's talking to Joey! You gotta let me win! [Chandler Bing] No way! If anything you've gotta let me win! My wife thinks I'm a wimp! [Ross Geller] Hey, at least you have a wife! I-I keep getting divorces and knockin' people up! And I'm dressed as doody. [Chandler Bing] You're Spudnik. [Ross Geller] Come on, who are we kidding? I'm doody. Please? She's watchin'. [Chandler Bing] Fine. Oh no! [Ross Geller] Oh yeah! [Mona] Yay! My hero! [Joey Tribbiani] You're a weird lady. [Eric] Hey. Ursula said she left her purse. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. [Eric] What a relief. It has all the numbers of the people in her prayer chain. [Phoebe Buffay] Sure it does. Yeah, yeah. [Eric] Well, I guess I'll see you at the wedding. [Phoebe Buffay] Umm listen, I don't think...I don't think I'm gonna make it to the wedding. So I just want to wish you all the luck in the world. [Eric] I think we'll be okay. Besides it's so perfect and she's been saving herself for me. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay I can't let you do this! She's lying to you. [Eric] What? [Phoebe Buffay] She is lying! And I bet I can prove it. Excuse me. Okay. Okay. Yeah-Not a prayer chain, but what looks like a detailed drawing of a bank floor plan. Okay, here's the nametag from the restaurant where she works as a waitress! Not a teacher, a waitress. All right, here's her driver license, this oughta be good, she always lies about this. How old did she say she was? [Eric] She told me she was 25. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I almost don't want to show this. Just remember I'm a minute younger. [Eric] I am so stupid. Of course she was lying! She's not a teacher. There's not such a thing as the top secret elementary school for the children of spies. [Phoebe Buffay] No. You're not, you're not stupid. [Eric] I'm not smart. I just wanted so much to...be impulsive once. To be romantic. [Phoebe Buffay] That's good, you should be impulsive and you should be romantic. Just...you did it with the wrong person. What? [Eric] It's just so weird, two people look so much alike, and so different. [Ursula Buffay] Eric!! Let's go!! [Eric] I'd better go, deal... [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, you should. [Ursula Buffay] Hurry up I gotta pray!! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey! Well, I had to give the kid fifty bucks to stop crying. [Joey Tribbiani] That's not so bad. [Rachel Green] No, I also had to go to a couple houses with him as his girlfriend. Oh, I am just awful with children! [Joey Tribbiani] Come on! You're good with kids. They're just crazy on Halloween. Y'know, they're all greedy and hopped up on sugar! [Rachel Green] Really? You think that's all it is? [Joey Tribbiani] Absolutely! Halloween is the worst. Except for Christmas...and their birthdays. Kinda get a little crazy during the summer too. And anytime they're hungry or sleepy. Y'know, kids are tough. Good luck with that. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Look, I wanted to tell I'm-I'm sorry you lost. [Chandler Bing] Listen, I've got a secret for ya. I let him win. [Monica Geller] Is that a secret or a lie. [Chandler Bing] No, I let him win-Ross! [Ross Geller] Yeah? [Chandler Bing] Would you tell her I let you win please? [Ross Geller] Oh. Yeah. Uh Chandler let me win. No, Chandler's really strong. Oh my arm is so sore. Oh nurse! [Chandler Bing] I am strong! I'll show you! [Monica Geller] Chandler please! [Chandler Bing] Oh what's the matter? Are you scared? [Monica Geller] Let's go big bunny! [Chandler Bing] Okay. 1...2...3-Go! I'm gonna kill myself!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e06", "title": "The One With The Halloween Party"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Stain [Monica Geller] Hey. [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Monica Geller] Oh my God! You cleaned! Look at these floors! You did the windows! Oh, I have been begging you for months and you did! You cleaned! And nagging works! [Chandler Bing] Y'know uh, I didn't actually do this. [Monica Geller] Oh no, was I cleaning in my sleep again? [Chandler Bing] No, it wasn't you. [Monica Geller] Well then who? [Chandler Bing] I got a maid. Yay! [Monica Geller] I hope by maid you mean mistress, because if some other woman was here cleaning then... [Chandler Bing] Uh honey, I know you don't like to relinquish control... [Monica Geller] Oh, relinquish is just a fancy word for lose! [Chandler Bing] Look, she's really nice. Okay? And she mentioned that she adored the way that you arranged the sponges. [Monica Geller] Did she really say that? [Chandler Bing] Yes, I distinctly remember 'cause I thought it was a joke. Now just give her a chance, okay? [Monica Geller] Fine, I can do it. Whew. [Chandler Bing] What's the matter? [Monica Geller] Well, usually when I'm this anxious, I clean! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Who's cell phone is that? It's just so annoying; everywhere you go. [Ross Geller] I think it's coming from your bag. [Phoebe Buffay] I never get calls!! Hello? [Eric] Hi, it's Eric. From the Halloween party, Ursula's fiance. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God Eric hi! Wait, how'd you get this number? [Eric] Oh, I have a friend who's a cop and he got it for me. [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! What an incredible violation-and wonderful surprise. [Eric] Uh listen, I just-I thought you should know I broke up with Ursula. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh you did? He did it! He did it! [Rachel Green] Wow! What did he do? [Phoebe Buffay] Shhh! I'm talking. [Eric] Anyway, I was wondering if, you were the sort of person who...eats lunch. [Phoebe Buffay] Are you asking me out? 'Cause it would be kinda weird since you just broke up with my sister. [Eric] Yeah uh...okay. I'm-I'm sorry. Bye. [Phoebe Buffay] No! Wait! I was just saying that so you'd think I was a good person. Fight for me. [Eric] Uhh, I won't take no for an answer. [Phoebe Buffay] Not great, but we can work on it at lunch. Okay, I can be at your apartment in two hours. [Eric] Great! But wh-wh-How do you know where I live? [Phoebe Buffay] I've got friends too. Okay, bye. [Eric] Bye. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! I'm going out with Eric! Ooh, this day is really gonna be so much better than I thought it was gonna be. Oh Ross, I can't make lunch. [Ross Geller] So apparently I'm available for lunch. [Rachel Green] I can't. I'm busy. I'm apartment hunting. [Ross Geller] You're moving? [Rachel Green] Yeah, I can't live with Joey once the baby comes. I don't want my child's first words to be, "How you doin'?" [Ross Geller] So does-does Joey know you're moving? [Rachel Green] Well, I haven't discussed it with him yet, but I know he's gonna be relieved. Last week, he brought this girl over and I started talking to her about morning sickness and then I showed her pictures from my pregnancy book. [Ross Geller] That's not really porn. [Rachel Green] Not so much. [Ross Geller] Hey, y'know what and if you're looking for a place? I just heard in the elevator this morning that a woman in my building died. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Was she old? Does she have a view? [Ross Geller] Well I don't know, but how-how great would that be huh? You living in my building. I could help take care of the baby. I can come over whenever I want. With your permission. [Rachel Green] Yeah that would really be great. [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Well can we see it?! Oh maybe we shouldn't. I mean if she just died this morning out of respect. [Ross Geller] Yeah. No. No you're right. [Rachel Green] Shall we? [Ross Geller] Yeah. --------------------------------------- [Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter] Yes? [Ross Geller] Hi. I'm Ross Geller. I live in the building. [Rachel Green] And I'm Rachel, an admirer of the building. [Ross Geller] I-I heard about Mrs. Verhoeven passing away and I'm so sorry for your loss. [Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter] She didn't pass. [Ross Geller] What? [Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter] My mother's still alive. [Ross Geller] Oh, thank God! [Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter] It looked like we were gonna lose her this morning, but she's a tough old bird. [Rachel Green] Ahh. [Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter] Are you close with her? [Ross Geller] Of course! Uh yeah, she and I would talk all the time in-in the laundry room. [Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter] You Speak Dutch? Zeer Vereerd Een Vriend Van Mijn Moeder Te Ontmoeten. [Ross Geller] Y'know I would it's just painful. [Rachel Green] So she's really not dead. [Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter] No, she's hanging in there. [Rachel Green] Hmm. Do you think-Could you tell me if she's hanging in, in a one bedroom or a two? --------------------------------------- [Brenda] Mrs. Bing, this tile cleaner is incredible! Where'd you get it? [Monica Geller] Oh well umm, I make it myself! It's two parts ammonia and one part lemon juice. And now the secret ingredient is...y'know what? We just met. [Brenda] Okay. Uhh, I'm gonna go get the clothes from the laundry room now. And, when I come back I'll clean behind the refrigerator. [Monica Geller] I love her. [Brenda] I'll be back in a minute. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Chandler Bing] See? I told you. [Monica Geller] She stole my jeans! [Chandler Bing] What? [Monica Geller] I have been looking for them all week and she is wearing them! [Chandler Bing] So she stole your pants and then she came back and wore them in front of you? [Monica Geller] Don't you see? It's the perfect crime! [Chandler Bing] She must've been planning this for years! [Monica Geller] I will prove it to you! Okay? About a week ago I was wearing those jeans and I dropped a pen in my lap and it left an ink stain on the crotch. Now when she comes back I will find it and show you that stain! [Chandler Bing] Honey, isn't it possible that the company that sold the jeans made more than just the one pair? [Monica Geller] I guess. [Chandler Bing] So, shouldn't we go give her the benefit of the doubt before we go...snooping around her crotch? [Monica Geller] Fine. I'm just glad I didn't give her my secret ingredient. [Chandler Bing] Out of curiosity, what is your secret ingredient? [Monica Geller] Yeah! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hi! [Eric] Come in, I'm so glad you're here. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, me too. Not in the shaky angry way you are though. [Eric] Sorry, I just saw Ursula. I had to give the engagement ring back. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. [Eric] Just seeing her brought it all back. All the lies, the way she used me. I just...I got so angry just looking at her......face. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. Yeah. [Eric] I'm sorry. I just...when I look at you I see her. When I see her I get a little bit angry. [Phoebe Buffay] Maybe this is too weird. [Eric] No wait! There's only a problem when I look at you. Oh I got it! I got it. [Phoebe Buffay] No don't tear out your eyes!! [Eric] I was just, I was just gonna take out my lenses. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, yeah try that. So, is that better? [Eric] Not really. You...you're blurry, but you still look like Ursula. You're Blursula. Okay wait. Maybe...If I-if I just don't look at you for a while. See? It...it works. I'm not, I'm not angry at all anymore! This is a great date! [Phoebe Buffay] Look Eric, turn around. Look, I like you, but it shouldn't be this hard. Y'know? This is our first date y'know? First dates are supposed to be about excitement and electricity and 'Ooh, he just touched my hand, did he mean to touch my hand?' and y'know first kisses and......second kisses. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Thanks for the coffee, or bedankt voor de koffie, Gunter. [Gunther] Jij Spreekt Nederlands? Dat Is Te Gek. Heb Je Familie Daar? [Ross Geller] Yeah, we're done. [Gunther] Ezel. [Ross Geller] Ezel? Ezel? Ezel? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Ross! Listen, do you want to go see that new Imax movie on tide pools? [Ross Geller] Really?! [Joey Tribbiani] No. But I got Knicks tickets for you, me, and Chandler. [Ross Geller] Sweet! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, well finish your coffee; let's go. [Ross Geller] Okay I-I just have to stop by my place first. [Joey Tribbiani] To tape the game? You do this every time Ross, you're not gonna be on TV! [Ross Geller] No-no, I-I have to see if this apartment became available. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, you're switching apartments? [Ross Geller] It's not for me, it's for Rachel. [Joey Tribbiani] But Rachel has an apartment. [Ross Geller] Yeah, but when the baby comes she's gonna want to move. [Joey Tribbiani] She is? [Ross Geller] Yeah, you didn't expect her to live there with a baby did you? [Joey Tribbiani] I guess I didn't really think about it. [Ross Geller] Ezel! Hey Gunther! You're an ezel! [Gunther] Jij Hebt Seks Met Ezels. [Ross Geller] Damnit! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Nice jeans! [Brenda] Oh thanks! I like your top. [Monica Geller] Oh. You're not gettin' it. [Brenda] What happened?! [Monica Geller] Oh, I fell asleep. [Brenda] I was thinking about taking my lunch break. [Monica Geller] Oh, will you do the top of the cabinets? That'll really work up your appetite for lunch. [Brenda] All right. [Monica Geller] Hello. [Brenda] What's going on?! [Monica Geller] I'm sorry. I've never had a maid before, is this not okay? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Rachel Green] How was the game? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, okay. I...I ate way too much. [Rachel Green] Oh. [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh. So umm, I was talkin' to Ross and he said you were looking for a new place. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah! Hopefully across the street if certain Dutch people would just let go. [Joey Tribbiani] I was kinda hoping you'd stay. [Rachel Green] Oh but Joey, I have to go. There's no room for a baby here. [Joey Tribbiani] No room? It's a baby. It's like this big. Y'know, I mean you-you could you could put it over here. Or-or-or we could put it right here. Aw, it's cute, right? Or-or we could put it over here. You wouldn't even notice it. Where's the baby? [Rachel Green] Honey, it's not just a matter of where you put it. I mean a baby changes everything. They cry all the time. I mean imagine bringing home some girl and trying to score when there's a screaming baby around. [Joey Tribbiani] I could use a challenge! It's getting pretty easy. [Rachel Green] Honey, it's so sweet that you want me to stay, but I-I can't do that to you. I mean it would disrupt your entire life. [Joey Tribbiani] I love living with you so much. I just wish things didn't have to change. [Rachel Green] I know. [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know I blame Ross for this. [Rachel Green] I do too a little bit. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm gonna miss you, you're the hottest roommate I ever had. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, oh no! I have to go! I have a massage appointment. [Eric] Oh no, stay here we'll keep doing this. I'll pay you. [Phoebe Buffay] No, I got in trouble for that before. I'll see you later. [Eric] Absolutely. I love the way you kiss. [Phoebe Buffay] Really? That's the thing I'm worse at! You'll see. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hi! [Monica Geller] Hey! Umm, I think Brenda needs a raise. [Chandler Bing] How come? [Monica Geller] Because I put my head between her legs. [Chandler Bing] To see her pants? [Monica Geller] They're my pants! [Chandler Bing] Are you sure? Did you see the stain? [Monica Geller] No! I was just getting into position and then everything went dark. [Chandler Bing] God! She is not stealing from us! Okay, will you let this go? [Monica Geller] Fine. She's wearing my bra! [Chandler Bing] Oh dear God! [Monica Geller] My pink flowered bra! I recognize the strap! [Chandler Bing] And yet you don't recognize that you're crazy. [Monica Geller] Here's the plan! Okay? I'm going to leave you get a look at Brenda's bra! [Chandler Bing] Here's another plan...No! [Monica Geller] I would do it but she thinks I'm attracted to her! [Chandler Bing] Why? [Monica Geller] Did you not hear where my head was? Come on! Come on we're a team! We're in this together! [Chandler Bing] I fear a jury will see it the same way! [Monica Geller] Do this for me! Come on, I catch you looking at woman's breasts all the time! [Chandler Bing] You see that? [Monica Geller] Do you see this? [Chandler Bing] All right. Yes. Okay. I get your point. But if it's not your bra will you just let the woman clean the apartment?! [Monica Geller] Yes! Absolutely. Okay? Look, you'll know it's mine because on the right cup, the lacey part, there's a very noticeable rip. [Chandler Bing] You need new clothes. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hi. How is she? [Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter] It's not looking good. [Ross Geller] Oh. Oh. Well I uh, I brought her some bloemen. [Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter] That's so sweet. Would you like to come in and say good-bye? I'm sure it would mean a lot to her. [Ross Geller] Oh I don't know that it would. [Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter] Well, her memory is pretty much gone. [Ross Geller] All right then. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Eric] Welcome back! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! Can we pick up where we left off? [Eric] I don't know, I'm still pretty tired out from this afternoon. [Phoebe Buffay] Why? [Eric] Uh, the sex. [Phoebe Buffay] What sex? [Eric] Our sex. [Phoebe Buffay] We didn't have sex. [Eric] Well if I didn't have sex with you, I had sex with someone that looked an awful lot like... [Phoebe Buffay] Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! [Eric] Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! No! No! No! [Phoebe Buffay] You-you...you had sex with Ursula?! [Eric] Uh, a little bit. She-she-she walked in and I thought she was you and I kissed her and... [Phoebe Buffay] You didn't notice she was wearing different clothes?! [Eric] Well I was just so excited to see you. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. Ew! Ew! Ew! Ugh! Y'know what? This is too weird. [Eric] No-no it's not! I don't want to lose you! It's-it's like I was saying to Ursula when I was making love to her and I thought she was you-Yeah it is too weird. [Phoebe Buffay] So I guess this is it. [Eric] Yeah. Maybe it's for the best. You smell just like her. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, so do you. --------------------------------------- [Brenda] What are you doing? [Chandler Bing] I'm leaning. This is where I lean. [Brenda] Okay. (Goes over and fluffs up the pillows on the couch. [Chandler Bing] Brenda a bee! [Brenda] What? [Chandler Bing] Yes! It's flown into your blouse and you'd better undo your buttons lest it sting you! [Brenda] I think I know what's going on here. [Chandler Bing] You do? [Brenda] Look, I know it must be hard that your wife is a lesbian, but it's wrong. You're married. [Chandler Bing] I totally understand. Can I just see your bra? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi! [Monica Geller] Where did you get those jeans?! [Rachel Green] You gave them to me! [Monica Geller] No I didn't! [Rachel Green] All right, I took them. But I figured it would be okay because you got a big ink stain on the crotch. [Monica Geller] Oh no! Did you take my bra too?! [Rachel Green] What bra? [Monica Geller] The pink one with the flowers?! [Rachel Green] You mean the one that you're wearing? [Brenda] I quit! [Monica Geller] Sounds about right. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] What is this? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Uh, this is just to give you an idea. Okay well, we can put screens here, so that the baby has privacy, and-and-and maybe a mobile over the crib. And uh-Oh look! Here's a baby monitor , which until the baby comes we can use as walkie-talkies. Huh? [Rachel Green] You're so sweet. Oh my God! And you gave the baby Hugsy! [Joey Tribbiani] Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.... That-that-that's really just to show where the baby would go. Y'know why don't I hold on to him so that there's no confusion? [Rachel Green] But Joey the baby is going to be crying, it's going to be loud. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm loud! [Rachel Green] It's gonna be up all night! [Joey Tribbiani] I'm up all night! [Rachel Green] It's gonna poop! [Joey Tribbiani] Hello! [Rachel Green] What about all the women you want to bring home? [Joey Tribbiani] Look, if I'm bringing home a woman who can't stand being around a baby, then maybe I don't want to be with that woman! Or maybe we'll just do it in the bathroom of the club! [Rachel Green] Joey, are you sure? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! All right-Look, I know sometimes it'll be hard, okay? But, it'll also be really...really great. Please Rachel! I-I-I really want you to stay. [Rachel Green] I want me to stay too. [Joey Tribbiani] Ohh! [Rachel Green] Thank you. Oh Joey and look at this crib! It's so cute! [Joey Tribbiani] I know! I found it on the street. [Rachel Green] Are you serious-Really?! It's in such good condition. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Wow! Whoa-whoa what's under the covers? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know. [Rachel Green] It's moving. [Joey Tribbiani] Ew. [Rachel Green] It's still--It's got a tail! Get it out of here! Get it out of here!! [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh! Ah! Okay! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Well, the old lady died. And how do I know? Her dying wish was for one last kiss. But I don't care, because you got the apartment. Yes! [Rachel Green] Ewww. Yeah. Umm. I think I'm gonna stay here. [Joey Tribbiani] Isn't that great? [Ross Geller] Ezels!!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e07", "title": "The One With The Stain"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Stripper [Rachel Green] Hey Pheebs? [Phoebe Buffay] Huh? [Rachel Green] I'm having dinner with my dad tomorrow night, do you wanna come? [Phoebe Buffay] Sure. Yeah, he's kinda sexy. [Rachel Green] Oh no, no, I'll be there too. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay so, we'll just come up with some kind of signal if it's going well you can take off. [Rachel Green] No Phoebe! I just need you there for support. I haven't told him I'm pregnant yet. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. Why not? [Rachel Green] 'Cause I know he's gonna flip out and I hate it when he's angry. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh Rachel, this is all so 'Papa don't preach.' [Rachel Green] What Phoebe? Wait! One time he caught me smoking he said if he ever saw me doing that again he'd make me eat the entire pack. [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! Oh well, I will be there! [Rachel Green] Thank you. [Phoebe Buffay] Gosh. I'm not gonna let that man make you eat your baby. Oh. Hey! Who is that guy? I think I know him. [Monica Geller] No you don't! [Rachel Green] No you don't. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God!!! Monica!! He's the stripper from your bachelorette party!! [Chandler Bing] Her what?!! [Phoebe Buffay] Your secret bachelorette party... [Chandler Bing] You had a bachelorette party?! [Phoebe Buffay] She untied his G-string with her teeth. Somebody stop me! [Chandler Bing] I thought we weren't gonna have bachelor/bachelorette parties! Y'know, we agreed that it was a silly tradition. [Joey Tribbiani] It's a grand tradition! [Monica Geller] I'm sorry, they surprised me. There was nothing I could do! [Rachel Green] Well you could've untied it with your hands. [Joey Tribbiani] This is so unfair! The one thing I wanted to do was throw my best friend a bachelor party, but no, I wasn't allowed to. All I got was a stupid steak dinner! [Chandler Bing] You went home with the waitress. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah, that was a pretty good night. [Chandler Bing] I can't believe you didn't tell me! You know that the two pillars of marriage are openness and honesty! [Monica Geller] Ugh, I knew giving you that book was gonna come back and bite me in the ass! --------------------------------------- [Leonard Green] How about I order everyone the Moroccan chicken? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I-I don't eat meat. [Leonard Green] It's chicken. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I don't eat that either. [Leonard Green] I'll never understand you lesbians. So baby, tell me...what is new with you. [Rachel Green] Well actually umm... [Waiter] Your '74 Lafite sir. [Leonard Green] '74?! I ordered the '75! That's a magnificent wine! The '74 is sewage! Why would you bring me sewage?! Is that a hard question? Are you an idiot? Is that why you're a waiter? [Waiter] This is why I told the manager I wouldn't wait on you tonight! [Leonard Green] Oh come on! Don't be such a baby! [Rachel Green] In case you didn't notice, that is a scary man. [Phoebe Buffay] He's right though, the '74 is absolute piss. [Rachel Green] This was such a huge mistake. I can't tell him Phoebe. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't... [Phoebe Buffay] Rachel! [Rachel Green] No it's okay, this is what's gonna happen. I'm gonna wait a couple years and then the baby will tell him. [Phoebe Buffay] Why, so he can get mad at the baby? [Rachel Green] Hey, that is the...baby's problem. Oh, everything okay with the waiter? [Leonard Green] I have no idea, I went to the bathroom. So sweetie, you were starting to tell me what is uh, what is new with you. [Rachel Green] Well... Umm, I got TiVo. [Leonard Green] What's TiVo? [Phoebe Buffay] It's slang for pregnant. [Rachel Green] Phoebe! [Leonard Green] Are you really pregnant? [Rachel Green] Well uh, yes and no. Except not no. So to sum it up, yeah. [Leonard Green] Who is the father? Oh no! Please don't tell me it's her! [Rachel Green] No, it's Ross. It's Ross. You like Ross. Oh daddy, I hope you're okay with all of this. I mean think about it, this is a good thing. You're gonna-This is your first grandchild! You're gonna be a poppy! [Leonard Green] That's true. [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Leonard Green] Poppy. Oh, I'm gonna be a poppy. So when is the wedding? [Rachel Green] Who? [Leonard Green] The wedding! There's going to be a wedding. Young lady, don't you sit there and tell me my first grandchild is going to be a bastard! Rachel Karen Green, tell me there is gonna be a wedding!! [Rachel Green] February 2nd! --------------------------------------- [Mona] So it was really cool seeing you lecture today. [Ross Geller] Oh thanks. Although it kinda seemed like you were falling asleep there a little. [Mona] Oh no-no, I-I had my eyes closed so I could concentrate and y'know take it all in. [Ross Geller] Yeah, a lot of my students do that. [Mona] So, I gotta get going. [Ross Geller] Okay, I-I'll see you tonight. [Mona] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Okay, bye. [Mona] Oh hey, thanks again for showing me your semi-precious stone collection. It was amazing! [Chandler Bing] My God! You must be good in bed! [Joey Tribbiani] So uh, you and Mona, been a while now. How's it going? [Ross Geller] Ah, it's good. It's going good. I mean, we get along great. She's, she's so... [Joey Tribbiani] Hot? [Ross Geller] Well, I was gonna say sweet, but yeah-huh! [Chandler Bing] She's okay with Rachel and the baby? [Ross Geller] Well I...I haven't actually told her yet. I don't want to scare her off, y'know? [Chandler Bing] Well, you have to honest with her! Otherwise you may think that you're going down the same path, but you're really going down different ones. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm gonna take that book and beat you to death with it. [Monica Geller] Oh my God! You are gonna love me so much! I felt really bad about the whole bachelorette party thing, so tonight you're gonna have a bachelor party. [Chandler Bing] What? [Monica Geller] Yeah, I got this number from this guy at work and I hired a stripper to come dance for you. Am I going in the wife hall of fame or what?! [Chandler Bing] Honey! That's crazy! I don't want you to get me a stripper... [Joey Tribbiani] Will you let the lady talk?! [Monica Geller] Come on! Come on, it'll be fun! It'll make me feel so much better. [Chandler Bing] Look, I appreciate it, but uh, it's a little creepy. Y'know? I'm not a bachelor anymore. [Monica Geller] So don't think of it as a bachelor party, think of it as a...a two month anniversary present. [Ross Geller] Sure, one year is paper, but two months is lapdance! [Monica Geller] Please! I feel so bad! Just watch the hot woman get naked! [Chandler Bing] All right fine! But I'm only doing this for you! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! [Chandler Bing] And Joey. [Monica Geller] Thank you. All right, now who else do you want to invite? [Chandler Bing] Ah, no-no-no just Ross. Ross and Joey is embarrassing enough. [Ross Geller] Uh actually, sorry I can't even make it. I'm seeing Mona again tonight. [Chandler Bing] I Understand who would cancel an actual date to go to a fake bachelor party? [Joey Tribbiani] I'm sorry I gotta cancel tonight baby... --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] I'm sorry I won't be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but I'm really busy that day. Yeah, I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun bar mitzvah. [Rachel Green] I know. I know. I panicked, I panicked. I didn't want him to start yelling at me like I was some '74 Latour. [Phoebe Buffay] It's Lafite. The '74 Latour is actually drinking quite nicely. [Rachel Green] All right here he comes. I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna tell him, I'm gonna be strong. [Leonard Green] I just called a friend of mine. [Rachel Green] Yeah? [Leonard Green] I think I may be able to book The Plaza on short notice. [Rachel Green] Really?! The Plaza?!! Oh daddy!! Right. Daddy, I need to talk to you. Please, sit down. [Leonard Green] What is it sweetie? [Rachel Green] There's not gonna be a wedding. Ross and I are not getting married. [Leonard Green] What?! [Rachel Green] I'm sorry daddy. [Leonard Green] I don't believe this!! [Rachel Green] Oh now daddy, stay calm. Please. [Leonard Green] Stay calm?!! How do you expect me to stay calm?! This is unacceptable Rachel! And I wanna know why?!! Is it because that punk Ross won't marry you?! That's it! Is that it?! [Rachel Green] Yes. Yes, he says I'm damaged goods. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] So you uh, nervous about getting married? [Chandler Bing] What are you doing? [Joey Tribbiani] Look, look let's pretend it's a real bachelor party. Okay? Y'know? Before your wedding. Come on, it'll be fun. [Chandler Bing] Okay. I can't believe tomorrow's the big day. [Joey Tribbiani] How does it feel knowing you're never gonna be with another woman again huh? Knowing you're gonna have to wake up to the same face everyday until you finally have the sweet release of death. [Chandler Bing] You're right, this is more fun. [Joey Tribbiani] That's her! Okay, come on! [Stripper] Hi! [Chandler Bing] Hi. [Stripper] So which one of you lucky boys is Chandler? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, that-that's-that's me! [Chandler Bing] That's me. [Joey Tribbiani] Joey Tribbiani, a big fan. [Stripper] So is that a bedroom? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, yeah right over there. [Stripper] All right, whenever you're ready. [Chandler Bing] That was weird. [Joey Tribbiani] Why-why would she go in the bedroom? [Stripper] I'm waiting. [Chandler Bing] So she's a... [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, that's one naked hooker! --------------------------------------- [Mona] I love your place! Where is this guy from? [Ross Geller] Uh that's an eighteenth century Indian artifact from Calcutta. [Mona] Oh wow! So, you're more than just dinosaurs. [Ross Geller] So much more. [Mona] Oh my God! Oh my God! I'm so sorry! [Ross Geller] Aw forget it, it's from Pier One. Sorry. [Leonard Green] You think you can knock up my daughter and then not marry her?! I'm gonna kill you!! [Ross Geller] Y'know this is actually not a great time for me. --------------------------------------- [Leonard Green] So? Come on! Explain yourself Geller! First you get my Rachel pregnant! [Mona] You got Rachel pregnant?! [Ross Geller] Who did?! [Leonard Green] You did! [Ross Geller] Yes. Yes, yes I did. But-but it was, it was just a one night thing. It meant nothing. [Leonard Green] Oh? Really? That's what my daughter means to you? Nothing? [Ross Geller] No! No sir umm, she means a lot to me. I mean, I care-I-I love Rachel. [Mona] What?! [Ross Geller] Oh but not that way. I mean...I mean I'm not in love with her. I love her like a, like a friend. [Leonard Green] Oh really? That's how treat a friend? You get her in trouble and then refuse to marry her? [Ross Geller] Hey! I offered to marry her! [Mona] Wh... [Ross Geller] But I didn't want to. [Leonard Green] Well why not? So you can spend your time with this tramp?! [Mona] Tramp?! [Ross Geller] I'm sorry. Dr. Green, Mona. Mona, Dr. Green. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] I can't believe there is a naked hooker in there! [Joey Tribbiani] Wait! Wait! Maybe she's a hooker and a stripper, but she got confused about what she's supposed to do. [Chandler Bing] Could be. I mean technically she did strip, we just, we just missed it. Ma'am, are you also a stripper? [Hooker] Uh, no. But I could pretend to strip, but that's gonna cost extra. Okay, here's the extras, handcuffs, spanking... [Joey Tribbiani] Maybe Monica's playing a joke on ya. Y'know? Getting her own husband a hooker, that's pretty funny. [Chandler Bing] That is funny, maybe for my birthday she'll murder someone. [Joey Tribbiani] I bet Ross was in on it too. I mean he was conveniently busy. [Hooker] Do you mind if I smoke in here? [Chandler Bing] Oh actually, I'd rather you...Yeah, go ahead. We're gonna have to burn that room down anyway. --------------------------------------- [Mona] How could you have kept all of this from me? [Ross Geller] I was going to tell you, but... [Leonard Green] But what?! You figured you'd get what you wanted and then dump her like you dumped Rachel! [Ross Geller] Hey! I did not dump Rachel! Nor are we still together. Can I just... Why don't we just let the machine get that? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Ross. It's Joey. There's a hooker over here and we thought maybe you'd know something about it. [Ross Geller] No! No! No! No! No! I-I-I-I-I need to, I need to lie down. --------------------------------------- [Stu] So, tonight's the night of the big bachelor party? [Monica Geller] Yeah! Hey! Thanks for getting me that girl's number. [Stu] No problem. So who's the party for? [Monica Geller] My husband. [Stu] You hired your husband a hooker? [Monica Geller] She's a stripper. [Stu] No, she's a hooker. [Monica Geller] Is that, is that what they call strippers sometimes? [Stu] When they're hookers. [Monica Geller] Oh my God Stu! I-I can't believe you did this! Now are you absolutely sure she's a hooker? [Stu] Either that or she's just the best, most expensive date I ever had. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Maybe she meant to get you a hooker. [Chandler Bing] Why would she do that? [Joey Tribbiani] Maybe she wants you to learn something. Huh? Now is there anything you're really bad at y'know, sexually? [Chandler Bing] This is the worst bachelor party ever! [Hooker] What's taking you boys so long? [Joey Tribbiani] In a minute! [Chandler Bing] In a minute? What's gonna happen in a minute?! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, all right maybe-maybe you should just ask her to leave. [Chandler Bing] Why me?! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! It's your bachelor party. [Chandler Bing] Which is why you should do it. [Joey Tribbiani] I don't want to. You do it! [Chandler Bing] You do it! [Joey Tribbiani] You do it! [Chandler Bing] All right Rock, Paper, Scissors who has to tell the whore to leave! What? [Joey Tribbiani] I miss this. [Chandler Bing] I don't think we've actually done this before! [Joey Tribbiani] No, I-I miss hanging out with you. [Chandler Bing] Well we...we still hang out. [Joey Tribbiani] Not like we used to. Remember? You and me used to be inseparable. Y'know now it's like...things are different. [Chandler Bing] Well y'know, things are different. I'm...I'm married now. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh sure-And hey, don't get me wrong, I am so happy for you guys. I just...I miss...hanging out...just-just us, y'know? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, I miss that too. I tell you what; from now on we'll make time to hang out with each other. [Joey Tribbiani] You got it. Come here. [Hooker] Oh God! Listen, I am this close to robbing you guys. [Monica Geller] She's a hooker! She's a hooker! She's a... Hi! Uh, we spoke on the phone. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] So your dad dropped by. He's a pleasant man! [Rachel Green] Oh no... [Phoebe Buffay] I'D Better Go. Just Over Here I don't want to miss the fight. [Rachel Green] Ross I'm so sorry. Okay. I-I will promise I will straighten this out with him tomorrow in person, or via e-mail. [Ross Geller] I don't care about your dad! I care about Mona! She was there and now she's totally freaked out! [Rachel Green] Oh okay, I'll fix that to. What's her e-mail address? [Ross Geller] Rachel! [Rachel Green] All right, I promise. I'll fix this. I swear. I'll-I'll-I'll-I'll talk to her. [Ross Geller] Okay! [Rachel Green] Okay. [Ross Geller] Thank you! [Phoebe Buffay] That's it?! You call that a fight? Come on! "We were on a break!" "No we weren't!" What happened to you two?! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Thank you so much for coming back over. [Mona] Oh good, you're here. Yeah, and I was worried that it was going to be uncomfortable. [Rachel Green] I know Mona, just hear me out. First of all, I'm so sorry about my father yelling at you, but I heard you totally held your own. You're gonna have to tell me how you did that. [Ross Geller] Focus. [Rachel Green] Okay. Um...But-Okay, yes Ross and I used to date. And yes we are gonna have a baby. But we are definitely not getting back together. [Mona] How can I be sure on that? [Rachel Green] Oh we just-we drove each other crazy! [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Rachel Green] I mean he was possessive, he was jealous, he could never just let the little things go! [Ross Geller] Trying to date this woman. [Rachel Green] Right! But, none of that compared to how kind and-and how gentle and thoughtful he is. [Ross Geller] Probably shouldn't touch me. [Mona] Y'know, I-I-I just...I don't want to get in the middle of something so complicated. [Rachel Green] I know, I get it, but Mona, what relationship is not complicated? I mean we all have our baggage! You must too! Why else would you still be single? I am so gonna leave right now. [Ross Geller] Should I leave this open for you too? [Mona] I'm not sure yet. Why didn't you just tell me about all this? [Ross Geller] Because what's going on with Rachel has nothing to do with how I feel about you. [Mona] Yeah? Well you still shoulda told me. [Ross Geller] I know and I was going to, but I thought it was better that you heard it from Rachel's father. Look I...I made a mistake, but it's only because I really, really like you. Really! [Mona] Okay, I guess you can...close the door now. [Rachel Green] Forgot my purse! Oh, you guys made up. He's a good kisser isn't he? I'm going! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I swear I didn't know she was a hooker! I mean wh-Did you let her smoke in here? [Chandler Bing] Her ass print is still on your grandmother's quilt, do you really want to talk about smoking? [Monica Geller] Y'know what? I'm gonna make this up to you. I promised you a stripper , and you're gonna get a stripper. [Chandler Bing] Monica! Wait! [Monica Geller] What? [Chandler Bing] Carry on. [Monica Geller] Ooh, these tennis shoes are so tight. I think I'll take them off. [Chandler Bing] Could you not narrate? [Monica Geller] Gotcha sailor. --------------------------------------- [Leonard Green] ...just because you're not in love with the guy you can't... [Phoebe Buffay] Wow, you told your dad the truth. [Rachel Green] About an hour ago. [Phoebe Buffay] Wanna go see a movie? [Rachel Green] Yes! Bye daddy. [Leonard Green] ...there's gonna be a wedding! That's unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! ...constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! I do too think about the consequences of my decisions! What gives you the right to... Go to hell! Stupid guy on my phone.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e08", "title": "The One With The Stripper"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Rumor [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Rach listen, did you know that during pregnancy your fingers swell up to twice their size and never go back. [Rachel Green] Oh my...God! Let me see that! [Joey Tribbiani] You fall for it every time! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] I brought you my old maternity clothes! [Rachel Green] Oh Pheebs that's so sweet--Ooh, those are so cute! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! And look, see how they expand as the baby grows? And then after the baby's born, they're great for shoplifting melons. [Monica Geller] Oh good you're all here. Thanksgiving tomorrow, four o'clock. Oh, guess who I invited. Remember that guy Will Colbert from high school? [Rachel Green] No. [Monica Geller] He was in Ross's class...marching band...kinda overweight? Well, really overweight. I mean I was his thin friend. [Rachel Green] Wow! I don't remember him. Honey, are you sure you're not talking about your imaginary boyfriend. [Monica Geller] No that was Jarred! Wow! I haven't thought about him in a long time... Anyway, umm Will's, Will's here on business and he didn't have a place to go so I invited him here. [Rachel Green] Oh that's nice. [Monica Geller] Oh, and by the way, he's lost a bunch of weight. I mean he looks goo-ood! Okay, I mean really, really gorgeous! I still love Chandler. [Joey Tribbiani] I just want you to say it once in a while. [Monica Geller] All right okay, just so you know, I'm not gonna make a turkey this year. [Joey Tribbiani] What?! [Monica Geller] Well Phoebe doesn't eat turkey... [Joey Tribbiani] Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] Turkey's are beautiful, intelligent animals! [Joey Tribbiani] No they're not! They're ugly and stupid and delicious! [Monica Geller] All right! Okay, it's just Phoebe. Will's still on a diet, Chandler doesn't eat Thanksgiving food, and Rachel's having her aversion to poultry. [Joey Tribbiani] She is? [Rachel Green] Remember I had to leave the room the other day when you had that roast chicken? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. But I thought that was because I put the whole thing on my hand and made it walk across the table. [Monica Geller] Anyway, it just doesn't seem worth it to make a whole turkey for just three people. Okay? It's a lot of work. [Joey Tribbiani] But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving! I mean, Thanksgiving with no turkey is like-like Fourth of July with no apple pie! Or Friday with no two pizzas! [Monica Geller] All right fine! If it means that much to you! But just-there's gonna be a ton left over. [Joey Tribbiani] No there won't! I promise I will finish that turkey! [Monica Geller] All right, you're telling me you can eat an entire turkey in just one sitting? [Joey Tribbiani] That's right! 'Cause I'm a Tribbiani! And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we don't read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey, isn't weird to think about how next year at this time they'll be a little baby at the table? Rachel's! But good to know where you're at! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Happy Thanksgiving! [Monica Geller] You too! [Phoebe Buffay] Anything I can do to help? [Monica Geller] Actually there is. Chandler usually helps me with this, but he's really into the game so I don't want to bother him. Could you help me fold these napkins? [Phoebe Buffay] Sure! [Monica Geller] I'm gonna go across the hall to check on the yams. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Monica Geller] No! No! No! No sweetie! No! Not like that! We're not at a barn dance. You've gotta-you wanna fold them like swans. Like I showed you at Christmas time, remember? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, it all just came screaming back to me. So how's the game? [Chandler Bing] I have no idea. [Phoebe Buffay] What? [Chandler Bing] Yeah! I'm just pretending to watch the game so I don't have to help out with stuff. [Phoebe Buffay] I don't believe you! That is...brilliant! And Monica has no idea? [Chandler Bing] Nope! Every once and a while I just scream stuff at the TV. [Monica Geller] Is your team winning hon? [Chandler Bing] Yeah! Anderson just scored again! There's no Anderson. [Phoebe Buffay] Well I want to get in on this. Hey Mon? I don't think I can help you after all, I didn't realize this game was on. [Monica Geller] Oh, I didn't know you liked football. [Phoebe Buffay] Well normally I don't, but y'know......Green Bay is playing. [Monica Geller] You like Green Bay? [Phoebe Buffay] Well it's only like my favorite bay! {Actually, it's not bad. It just gets a little cold in winter, but in Wisconsin winter only lasts from August to June. J } [Monica Geller] Hey! [Will Colbert] Hey! [Will Colbert] Happy Thanksgiving! [Monica Geller] Aww thanks! God Will I'm so glad that you came! You look great! You must've lost like... [Will Colbert] 150 pounds. Yeah, I'm gonna be in one of those Subway sandwich commercials. [Monica Geller] A pie! [Will Colbert] Oh right. All right, it's no fat, it's no sugar, it's no dairy...it's no good. Throw it out. [Monica Geller] You wanna meet some people? This is uh; this is my husband Chandler. Chandler, this is Will. [Will Colbert] Hey. [Chandler Bing] Oh hey. I'd shake your hand but uh; I'm really into the game. Plus, I think it'd be better for my ego if we didn't stand right next to each other. [Monica Geller] This is Phoebe. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. Wow! Well done. [Monica Geller] Wanna give me a hand? [Will Colbert] Sure! Monica, I can't get over how great you look! You look stunning! [Monica Geller] Well you look incredible too! You're just-you're so fit! [Chandler Bing] I'm watching the game, but I'm not deaf! [Monica Geller] Oh umm, I meant to tell you, Ross is coming. [Will Colbert] Ross is coming. Great! I love Ross! [Monica Geller] Good. And Rachel Green too. [Will Colbert] Oh. [Monica Geller] Is there a problem? [Will Colbert] Nope. Uh, it's okay. It's just uh, God I hated her. [Monica Geller] What? [Will Colbert] Yeah, I hated her. She was horrible to me in high school. But hey, it was a long time ago, I'm in a good place, it might be actually fun to see her again. You got any cakes or cookies or something? No Will no! [Chandler Bing] Y'know, it's been a while since we've screamed something. Maybe we should. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh okay. [Chandler Bing] Oh come on! [Phoebe Buffay] Noooo!! Damn you ref! You burn in hell!!! [Monica Geller] Hey, what are you doing? You gotta save room, you've got almost an entire turkey to eat. [Joey Tribbiani] Let me explain to you how the human body works. I have to warm my stomach first. Eatin' chips is like stretching. [Monica Geller] All right. [Joey Tribbiani] Don't worry, Tribbianis never get full. [Will Colbert] I actually know what you're talking about. I'm here to tell you something my friend, you can eat and eat and eat but nothing will ever fill that void. [Joey Tribbiani] Who the hell is this guy? [Monica Geller] Will! From high school. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh hey! [Monica Geller] Joey. [Will Colbert] Hello. [Ross Geller] Will! [Will Colbert] Ross! [Ross Geller] Hey-hey you came! Man you look incredible! Hot stuff! Hot stuff? [Will Colbert] It's good to see you man. [Ross Geller] Yeah, you too. Man, so-so what are you up to? [Will Colbert] I'm a commodities broker. [Ross Geller] Really? Yeah that-that sounds interesting. [Will Colbert] Yeah, it's not. But I'm rich and thin. [Ross Geller] Oh! Man I don't think I've seen you since uh, Lance Davis' graduation party. [Will Colbert] That was such a fun night! [Ross Geller] Yeah. It would've been good if we had gotten in, but still real fun. [Will Colbert] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Will Colbert] God we were lame back then. Do you remember how into dinosaurs we were? [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Will Colbert] So what do you, what do you do now? [Ross Geller] So how long are you in town? [Rachel Green] Hi! [Monica Geller] Hey sweetie. Oh good. [Will Colbert] Rachel Green. [Ross Geller] Aw-oh, that's right. Are-are you gonna be okay? [Will Colbert] Oh, I'll-I'll be fine. Just God I hate her Ross! I hate her! [Ross Geller] Will, high school was-was a long time ago. [Will Colbert] Look At Her Standing There With Those Yams! My Two Greatest Enemies Ross Rachel Green and complex carbohydrates. [Rachel Green] Oh my God Monica, who is that? [Monica Geller] That's Will from high school! [Rachel Green] Oh! I do not remember him! Wow! He's really got that sexy, smoldering thing going on. Oh my God, he's... Look at the way he's just staring at me. I think he's trying to mouth something to me, but I can't make it out. [Monica Geller] Okay, dinner's ready! [Chandler Bing] Good game! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] Yeah. Solid effort. Solid effort. [Monica Geller] Oh, so who won? [Phoebe Buffay] Green Bay. [Chandler Bing] Detroit. [Monica Geller] What? [Phoebe Buffay] Well the Lions technically won, but it was a moral victory for the Green Bay...Mermen. [Rachel Green] Hi! Will, right? [Will Colbert] Right. [Rachel Green] Hi! I'm Rachel Green. [Will Colbert] Oh I-I remember you. [Rachel Green] Really?! Aren't you sweet! I gotta tell you though, I am, I am having the hardest time placing you. Oh-oh hang on! Did we umm, did we fool around at Lance Davis' graduation party? [Will Colbert] You are unbelievable. [Rachel Green] Thank you! [Monica Geller] Uh Rachel? Rachel, why don't you sit here? And Will you sit way over there. [Joey Tribbiani] That's it?! Even if nobody helps me I can eat that no problem. At least give me a challenge! [Monica Geller] This is Chandler's chicken. This is the turkey. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh. How-how big is that? [Monica Geller] About nineteen pounds. [Joey Tribbiani] It's like me when I was born. [Rachel Green] All right, who would uh, like some yams? Will? [Will Colbert] Oh, you'd like that wouldn't ya? [Rachel Green] What? Oh y'know what? Can we please keep the chicken and the turkey and everything on the other side of the table? The smell is just yuck! [Will Colbert] Typical. [Rachel Green] I'm sorry. What? [Will Colbert] I said it was typical. Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in little Rachel land. [Joey Tribbiani] Seriously, who is this guy? [Rachel Green] Umm, I'm sorry. Do you-do you have a problem with me? [Will Colbert] I don't know? Do I? Do I? [Phoebe Buffay] I think you do. [Monica Geller] Apparently you were umm, a little mean to him in high school. [Will Colbert] A little mean? You made my life miserable! [Rachel Green] I'm-I'm-I had no idea. I'm sorry. I... [Will Colbert] Well you should be. Screw it! Bring on the yams! [Monica Geller] Oh Will. But you-you've worked so hard... [Will Colbert] Yams!!!! [Monica Geller] Okay. [Rachel Green] Uh Will umm, I just want to say that I'm real sorry for whatever I-I did to you in high school... [Will Colbert] Oh, it wasn't just me. We had a club! [Rachel Green] You had a club?! [Will Colbert] That's right, The I Hate Rachel Green Club! [Rachel Green] Whoa! My God! So what, you all just joined together to hate me?! Who else was in this club? [Will Colbert] Me and Ross. [Ross Geller] No need to point, she knows who Ross is. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] So you were in an I Hate Rachel club? [Will Colbert] Yes he was. [Ross Geller] No. No. [Rachel Green] So who else was in this club? [Ross Geller] Uh actually, there-there was also that exchange student from Thailand but I-I don't think he-he knew what it was. [Rachel Green] So Ross, we went out for two years, and you never told me you were in an I Hate Rachel club. [Will Colbert] You went out with her?! We had a pact! [Ross Geller] That was in high school! It's not like it was binding forever. [Will Colbert] Then why did it have the word eternity in it? [Rachel Green] Okay Monica, did you know about this?! [Monica Geller] I swear I didn't. Hey! Is that why you guys used to go up to your bedroom and lock the door? [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Monica Geller] Hmm, a little relieved, I gotta say. [Ross Geller] Look Rach I-I'm sorry, okay? I...I was a stupid kid, okay? The only reason I joined... [Will Colbert] Co-founded! [Ross Geller] ...co-founded. Co-founded the club was because I was insanely in love with you. Obviously I didn't handle it very well. But if you think about it the I Hate Rachel Club was really the I Love Rachel Club. [Will Colbert] Uh, except that it was really the I Hate Rachel Club. [Rachel Green] Okay. So what? You guys would just like get together and like just say mean things about me? [Will Colbert] Well, we did a little more than that. [Ross Geller] No-no! No-no. No-no. [Phoebe Buffay] What?! What else did you do? [Will Colbert] We started a rumor. [Rachel Green] What rumor? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, come on Will! Just take off your shirt and tell us! [Rachel Green] Ross! [Ross Geller] It was no big deal. We-we...said that the rumor was...that umm...you had both...male and female reproductive parts. [Rachel Green] What?! [Will Colbert] That's right! We said your parents flipped a coin, decided to raise you as a girl, but you still had a hint of a penis. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! [Monica Geller] You started that?! [Rachel Green] What?! You heard that?! [Monica Geller] Everyone at our school heard it! [Chandler Bing] Everybody at my school heard it! You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader from Long Island?! [Rachel Green] Oh no!!!! Oh my God!! This is all making so much sense to me now! This is why Adam Carter wouldn't go out with me! This is why Billy Tratt would just stay in this region! [Ross Geller] Actually, Billy Tratt is gay now. So-so that one's not really our fault. [Rachel Green] Monica, how come you never told me this?! [Monica Geller] I thought it might be true. And I was afraid that you were gonna cry and then show it to me. [Rachel Green] Joey stop staring! There's nothing there! It's not true! [Joey Tribbiani] I'm afraid I'm gonna need proof. [Rachel Green] Oh! [Joey Tribbiani] You are my Everest. [Monica Geller] Joey, you don't have to finish that. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yes I do. Otherwise what's next? Today I'm just a guy who can't finish a turkey, but tomorrow I'm the guy who eats half a Powerbar, wraps up the rest, and puts in the fridge? No! No, I just...I just-I gotta change my pants. Jeans have no give. [Rachel Green] Okay! Okay! Listen to what Sean McMahon wrote in my yearbook senior year, "Dear Rach, you're such a good person." Not girl! Person! [Ross Geller] Rach, I think you're reading a little too much into it. [Rachel Green] "Dear Rach, you're a great person. Sorry about your tiney-wienie." [Ross Geller] Look, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasn't true?! [Rachel Green] Yes! [Will Colbert] Could you also tell them I'm skinny now? [Monica Geller] Oh! Me too! [Ross Geller] Well look-look I'm not calling anybody! Okay? It was like a million years ago! [Rachel Green] I don't care how long ago it was! You told people that I was half and half! Y'know what? I just want to point out I never did anything to hurt you in high school. [Monica Geller] That's not totally true. [Rachel Green] What? [Ross Geller] What? [Monica Geller] Well you-you did start that rumor about Ross making out with Mrs. Altman, our 50-year-old librarian. [Ross Geller] How did you know that?!!!! [Monica Geller] It's true?!! [Ross Geller] No. [Rachel Green] Yes it is! I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog! [Will Colbert] Mrs. Altman? She also made out with Takaka Ci-Kek the night before he went back to Thailand. [Chandler Bing] I'm sorry. When you were in high school you made out with a 50-year-old woman? [Ross Geller] Hey! She didn't look 50! [Chandler Bing] Did she look 16? [Rachel Green] Ohh, there's a picture of her in the yearbook actually. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Wow! [Ross Geller] She didn't photograph well! [Chandler Bing] Well, she probably wasn't familiar with the process having spent most of her life sitting for oil paintings! [Phoebe Buffay] So how did this happen? Did she, did she lure you to an early bird dinner? [Ross Geller] I was working late in the library one afternoon. It was just the two of us. She needed some help with her word jumble. And one thing led to another. If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender. May she rest in peace... [Monica Geller] Didn't she walk with a cane? [Ross Geller] Only when it was damp!! I can't believe you-you told people about this?! Everybody knew?! Y'know what? I'm back in the club! [Will Colbert] Yeah! [Phoebe Buffay] I wanna join! [Rachel Green] Wh-Phoebe!! [Phoebe Buffay] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I never got to be in a club. I-I didn't go to high school, but three of us would meet behind a dumpster to learn French. Bonjour. [Rachel Green] All right, y'know-Fine! You guys have your stupid little club, but I would just like to say is what you did to me is way worse than what I did to you! You gave me a tiney-wienie! [Monica Geller] All right, listen you're just being silly. Rachel, even with that rumor you were one of the most popular girls in school and everyone wanted to be like you. One girl wanted to be like you so much she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll! [Rachel Green] Wow... [Monica Geller] And Ross, if it weren't for Rachel's rumor I mean no one in high school would even know who you were. She put you on the map! [Ross Geller] As a romancer of the elderly. [Monica Geller] Hey! Mrs. Altman was the kind of woman you could tell she used to be pretty. [Ross Geller] The eyes...did still sparkle. [Monica Geller] Hey guys this stuff is just so way in the past. You-you've been through so much since then. And right now you've got so much more important stuff going on in your life. Can't you just let this go? [Rachel Green] She's right. [Ross Geller] Yeah. I mean we are having a baby together. [Will Colbert] Hold on! You got her pregnant? [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Will Colbert] Are ya getting married? [Ross Geller] Nope. [Will Colbert] So you knocked her up but you're not gonna marry her. Dude! Anybody? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. It's exactly how I'd imagined it would be. [Joey Tribbiani] All right where's that turkey! [Phoebe Buffay] Joey! Those are my maternity pants! [Joey Tribbiani] Not now! These are my Thanksgiving pants! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Well that's it. I'm done. Whew! There come the meat sweats. [Monica Geller] Well Joey, we're all...we're all very proud of you. [Chandler Bing] Yes, I believe we can expect a call from the President any moment now. [Phoebe Buffay] Is there anything we can do for you? [Joey Tribbiani] No just, nobody press on my stomach. [Rachel Green] You can keep those pants by the way. [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa-hey-wh-wh-what do you got there? What is that? Pie? [Monica Geller] Yeah, you want some? [Joey Tribbiani] Ah, just cut me a little sliver. A little bigger. Little bigger. What?! Are you afraid you're gonna run out?! Cut me a real piece!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e09", "title": "The One With The Rumor"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Monica's Boots [Monica Geller] Hey! So what do you think? [Chandler Bing] New haircut? Necklace? Dress? Boots? Boots! [Monica Geller] Yes! Now, they're a little more than I normally spend on boots...or rent [Chandler Bing] Oh my God! [Monica Geller] I know. [Chandler Bing] I'm gonna miss being able to afford food. [Monica Geller] I'm sorry, they just, they just look so good! And the saleswoman was looking at me like, "Oh, these are way too expensive for you." [Chandler Bing] She had a point. [Rachel Green] Hi! [Monica Geller] Hey. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Oh Monica! Those boots are amazing! [Monica Geller] They're mine! [Chandler Bing] Yeah well, too bad we're gonna have to return them. [Rachel Green] Return them?! Shh! They're gonna hear you! [Monica Geller] Honey, I'm not returning them. Okay? I mean I-I know they cost a lot, but I'm going to wear them all the time. You'll see. Besides, I love the compliments. I mean, have you ever had something so beautiful everyone wanted it? [Chandler Bing] I have you. [Monica Geller] Nice try; I'm keeping the boots. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] That's right, I love you! And-and I'm gonna play with you all the time. [Phoebe Buffay] How can you let him talk to your crotch like that? [Rachel Green] He's talking to the baby. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh! Okay! Okay, cause when-when he said, "I can't wait to hear your first words," I thought, "There's a trick." [Rachel Green] Okay. Well, I gotta go you guys. I'll see you later. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Ross Geller] Bye. [Rachel Green] Bye. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh hey Rach, listen-Hi! [Rachel Green] Hi. [Joey Tribbiani] Umm, can you do me a favor? I was talkin' to my sister and she knows you work at Ralph Lauren... [Rachel Green] No, forget it! No way! I am not sending anymore Ralph Lauren clothes to prison. It is a waste. [Joey Tribbiani] No-no-no-no-no-no, not her, not her. My youngest sister, Dina, she's really interested in fashion, and she wants to talk to someone successful, y'know, to give her some advice. [Rachel Green] I guess I can talk to one of my supervisors... [Joey Tribbiani] Oh no-no-no-no, she wants to talk to you! [Rachel Green] Really?! Oh my God! I'm successful! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, so will you meet with her? [Rachel Green] Yes! I'd love to! Have her come by the office. [Joey Tribbiani] Great! Thanks! You're gonna love her so much. And-Oh, she's the smartest of all the Tribbiani children. Hey, y'know the S.A.T's? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] She took 'em! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey Ross! Doesn't Ben go to the Smithfield Day School? [Ross Geller] Yeah. Why? [Phoebe Buffay] Sting has a son that goes there too! [Ross Geller] Yeah I know; he's in Ben's class. [Phoebe Buffay] You knew this and you never said anything?! With all the stupid dinosaur stuff you tell us?! [Ross Geller] Fine! No more dinosaur stuff! Can I talk about fossils? [Phoebe Buffay] Sting's son, seven years old and there's a picture. [Ross Geller] What are you reading? The Kidnappers Guide to Manhattan Private Schools? [Phoebe Buffay] No, it's New York magazine. It's an article about the best schools in the city. So how well do you know Sting? [Ross Geller] Uh, I actually haven't even met him. [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh, yeah that's too bad. I really want to go to his concert Friday night, but it's totally sold out. I know! Why don't you meet him and get tickets?! If you get two I'll take you. [Ross Geller] Well actually, I'm picking Ben up tomorrow, maybe he'll be there. [Phoebe Buffay] There you go! Oh, you are so lucky! You might actually get to meet Sting tomorrow! That's why you have kids! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey guys! [Chandler Bing] Hey-hey. [Rachel Green] Hi Monica! [Monica Geller] Hey. [Rachel Green] Hi boots. [Monica Geller] See Chandler? I'm getting a lot of use out of them already! They're very practical. See, you can wear them with dresses, with skirts, with pants... [Chandler Bing] You can wear them with shorts on a street corner and earn the money to pay for them. [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! They're beautiful! [Rachel Green] Ahh... [Monica Geller] They hurt so much! [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Monica Geller] The guy who made these hates feet and wants to see them die! [Rachel Green] Well-well you can give them to me! I haven't felt my feet in years! [Monica Geller] I can't! I spent so much money on them and I told Chandler that I'd wear them all the time, I just can't give them away! [Phoebe Buffay] Well then get your money back and return them! [Monica Geller] I can't do that either! The soles' are already a little scuffed up and the insides are filled with my blood. [Ross Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey I uh just picked up Ben from school... [Chandler Bing] I don't think you did a very thorough job! [Ross Geller] I dropped him off at Carol's. Anyway, it turns out that I'm not going to be able to get those tickets though. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh no! Why not? [Ross Geller] Well it turns out that Ben and Sting's son do not get along. [Phoebe Buffay] How come?! [Ross Geller] Apparently, Sting's son made fun of the fact that Ben's moms are lesbinims. [Phoebe Buffay] Wait! But Ross if they don't get along then you should smooth things over. Make them be friends. [Ross Geller] Phoebe, you can't force kids to be friends. [Phoebe Buffay] Sure you can! Give them some blocks, put them in a playpen! [Ross Geller] Playpen?! Ben's seven! [Phoebe Buffay] Your kid is seven?! He's really small. Please! Please get the tickets! [Ross Geller] Look I'm sorry Pheebs, I can't do it. [Phoebe Buffay] Yes you can! Sting says so himself! [Ross Geller] What? [Phoebe Buffay] Rosssss can! [Ross Geller] Look Phoebe, I'm sorry it's just... [Phoebe Buffay] Rossss can! [Ross Geller] Phoebe, I... [Phoebe Buffay] Rosss can! Give me the tickets! Ross can give me the tickets!! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Here she is! Future fashion superstar! [Rachel Green] Oh Joey, I'm hardly a... [Joey Tribbiani] My little sister Dina! [Rachel Green] Right! Hi Dina! [Dina] Hi. [Rachel Green] Nice to meet you. [Dina] Thanks so much for meetin' with me. Joey's told me so much about you! [Joey Tribbiani] This is so exciting for her. Well, I'll let you two fash...ists get down to business. [Rachel Green] Okay. All right Dina, well let's talk about the different areas of fashion that you could get involved in. Let's see, there's design, but you may need a whole other degree for that. Uh, there's-there's sales, which is great because you get to travel... [Dina] I...I don't care about fashion! I'm pregnant! And I know you are too, so you gotta help me! [Rachel Green] And there's marketing... --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Ahhhhhhhh! [Chandler Bing] What's wrong? [Monica Geller] Oh nothing I'm just-just was yawning. [Chandler Bing] Oh don't forget, my office holiday party is tonight. [Monica Geller] Honey, we don't really have to go to this thing tonight do we? [Chandler Bing] Now sweetie, I know you don't like my office parties, but you can wear your new boots. See? Every cloud has a...supple leather lining. [Monica Geller] I-I don't-I don't think that I'm gonna wear the boots tonight. [Chandler Bing] Why not? [Monica Geller] Well y'know, I'm just-I'm just worried that bosses will see them and think they pay you too much money. Or! Or your assistant will see them and-and want a raise! [Chandler Bing] Do you think I work at some kind of boot pricing company? [Monica Geller] Anyway, I picked up this outfit that I want to wear and the, and the boots don't really go with it. [Chandler Bing] You said that you paid all that money because those boots go with skirts, dresses, and pants! [Monica Geller] Fine! If you want me to wear the boots, I'll wear the boots. In fact, I'll go into my room right now and y'know try the outfit on. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] Okay? Ooo wee! Christmas party in my boots! --------------------------------------- [Dina] I-I can't go in there. I can't tell him! [Rachel Green] Honey, it's going to be okay. He's been incredibly supportive of me, and if he gets a little upset; that's what the meatball sub is for. [Dina] Thank you. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! It's my fashion girls! What's wrong? [Rachel Green] Honey, why don't you sit down? Dina has something that she wants to tell you. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh. What's, what's going on? Is it mom? Is she sick? Is it dad's heart? Is that a sandwich? [Dina] Joe, mom and dad are fine... [Joey Tribbiani] Is that a sandwich?! [Rachel Green] Joey...there's something that you...should know. Dina? [Dina] I'm pregnant. [Joey Tribbiani] What?! [Rachel Green] Now! Give him the sandwich! Give him the sandwich! [Joey Tribbiani] Well obviously this is a mistake! You can't be pregnant! Because you have to have sex to get pregnant! [Dina] Joe, I tried to wait until I was 25 like you did! [Rachel Green] What?! Dina... [Joey Tribbiani] Bub!!! I can't believe this! You're the good one! You went to college! Both years! Who did this to you?! [Dina] Bobby Corso, but he's a real nice guy. I like him a lot. He's real funny. [Joey Tribbiani] You got pregnant for funny?! Dina...if he's funny...laugh! All right, I'll be back in a little while! You stay here! [Dina] Why? Where are you going? [Joey Tribbiani] I can't look at you right now! [Dina] Wow. [Rachel Green] I know. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, there you are Ben! [Ben Geller] Aunt Phoebe, what are you doing here? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I heard you're having a problem with one of the boys in your class. And so I thought I would just come down here and sit you both down, have a little talk and make it all okay. Now umm, the boy's name is Sting's son. [Ben Geller] Jack? I hate him! He's a jerk. [Phoebe Buffay] Now Ben, sometimes people may seem like jerks on the outside, but they have famous fathers. [Ben Geller] I have to go. My friend Doug is waiting for me over there. [Phoebe Buffay] Him you're friends with. [The Teacher] Excuse me. Can, can I help you with something? [Phoebe Buffay] Yes! Yes you can, I'm looking for Jack's parents. [The Teacher] Are you with one of the students? [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh, I'm with Ben. [The Teacher] Are you one of Ben's mothers? [Phoebe Buffay] I am one of Ben's mothers. I'm a lesbian. It was, it was difficult coming out to my parents. [The Teacher] Well hi, I'm Jenny Boone. I'm the new teacher here. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. [The Teacher] I've only met your partner Carol. [Phoebe Buffay] Ah! Okay so that would make me Susan. [The Teacher] Right. Are you looking for Jack's parents to discuss the problems he's having with Ben? Yeah. Because I really do think the parents should sit down and have a conversation. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! Let's do that!! That-that sounds good. We should sit down and talk, just me, my lover Carol, and the Stings. Umm, how-how will I get in touch with them? [The Teacher] Oh, their number is on the contact sheet. [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Umm, could-could I get a copy of that? 'Cause Carol threw it out, she lost ours. She's such a scatterbrain, but man what a hot piece of ass. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Y'know, that party wasn't bad. [Monica Geller] Yeah! I didn't know there would be dancing. That was a fun surprise! [Chandler Bing] I don't see any uh, cabs. Maybe we should just walk? [Monica Geller] Oh no, we can't walk! [Chandler Bing] What honey, it's like fifteen blocks to the subway. Let's go. [Monica Geller] Hey! Do you think that we can get to the subway right there if we climb down through the manhole cover? [Chandler Bing] What's going on? [Monica Geller] I can't walk. Okay? Okay? These boots were a huge mistake! [Chandler Bing] What? [Monica Geller] Okay you were right! All right, I never should have bought them! They're killing me! One toe at a time! [Chandler Bing] So I was right. This is what it feels like to be right. It's oddly unsettling. [Monica Geller] How are we gonna get home? Maybe a piggy-back ride? [Chandler Bing] Hop on. [Monica Geller] Okay. Wait, just give me a second, I need to just get my boots off first. Ah...Ooh...Oohh...Ohh...Oh God...Ohh...Oh...Ohh...Ohhhh... [Chandler Bing] Honey, I know you're in pain right now, but I'm a little turned on. --------------------------------------- [Dina] Do you ever worry that you'll be walking and your baby will just like slip out? [Rachel Green] What college was that Dina? [Dina] Oh my God! Bobby! [Bobby Corso] Hi Dina. Good to see you. [Rachel Green] Joey, what are you doing? [Joey Tribbiani] Just what needs to be done! Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join this man and this woman... [Rachel Green] Oh Joey this is crazy! [Joey Tribbiani] Don't interrupt me when I'm talkin' to God! Now where were we? Oh right, okay. Do you Dina, take this man... [Dina] No! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh you'll take 'em! [Dina] No I won't! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! You don't get a say in this! [Dina] Yes I do! [Joey Tribbiani] Ahhh! I heard "I do", we're halfway there! Okay! You! [Rachel Green] All right Joey! That is enough! Listen, as beautiful and moving as this ceremony is, it's not legal. Okay? They-they don't have a marriage license, they don't have any witnesses, and the groom only has on one shoe! [Bobby Corso] Yeah, he took the other one off and hit me with it. [Joey Tribbiani] Well what am I supposed to do? [Rachel Green] You're supposed to realize that they are adults! And that they can make their own decisions. [Joey Tribbiani] No they can't! They were stupid enough to get knocked up! [Rachel Green] Heyyyyy! Contraceptives are not always effective! Right? [Bobby Corso] Yeah...we kinda didn't use any... [Rachel Green] Oh, come on kids! A little help here! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! This place is incredible! Sting's pen...that he gave to Phoebe. Come on! Secret passageway! [Trudie Styler] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Hi! [Trudie Styler] I'm Trudie. [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh. [Trudie Styler] You must be Ben's mum. [Phoebe Buffay] Why else would I be here? [Trudie Styler] Do sit down. [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh. [Trudie Styler] I gather Jack and Ben haven't been getting along lately. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. [Trudie Styler] I'm told there are two sides to this story, but all I've heard is that Ben's a bit of a poo-poo head. [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, I'm sorry. Won't-won't Jack's father be joining us? [Trudie Styler] Oh I'm sorry, Jack's father is not available. [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-hmm. Okay. Well then, could we reschedule? For say, Friday night perhaps at 8 o'clock? [Trudie Styler] Oh no, I know that wouldn't work. My husband's in concert. [Phoebe Buffay] Concert. Yeah. That does put us in...quite a pickle. Because you see I'm very busy before and after the concert, and he's obviously busy during. [Trudie Styler] So, I guess you and I should talk about Jack and Ben right now. [Phoebe Buffay] Unless! Unless umm, okay I-I would be willing to go to the concert, umm, all the while thinking about the children of course. [Trudie Styler] Are you here for tickets? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, thank you. Four would be great. [Trudie Styler] I'm not giving concert tickets to someone who'd use their son like this! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh good! Then you're in luck! Ben's not my son! [Trudie Styler] Look, I've just pressed a button, triggering a silent alarm. Any minute now, the police will be here! [Phoebe Buffay] The Police? Here? A reunion?! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Okay, ten blocks down. Five to go. [Monica Geller] Oh wait! Stop! Stop! Stop! [Chandler Bing] Oh I'm sorry! Do you need a break? [Monica Geller] My boots in tan! Hey! Can you get a little closer so I can see the price? [Chandler Bing] I can see it from right here. It'll cost you one husband. [Monica Geller] Okay, I'm sorry. I think I can walk the rest of the way now. Just-just give me my boots. [Chandler Bing] I don't have your boots. [Monica Geller] Well I don't have them either. Where are they? [Chandler Bing] Well, why don't you check in one of my saddlebags while I chew on a bale of hay! [Monica Geller] Okay. God well, we gotta go back and get them! [Chandler Bing] Honey, are you seriously ever gonna wear the boots again? [Monica Geller] Okay, I'm never gonna wear them again. I just didn't get a chance to say goodbye. [Chandler Bing] Y'know what? You can say goodbye to the tan ones. [Monica Geller] Okay. All right. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] Bye boots-Wait! Half off?! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Joey, just because they're not getting married doesn't mean this is going to be a disaster. Maybe they have a plan! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh? Oh! Okay! Okay! Let's hear their plan! Now, what's the future look like for Dina and Bobby? [Bobby Corso] Well...I really have high hopes for my band. [Joey Tribbiani] You were right. He is funny. [Rachel Green] Hey, now wait a minute! I get when you told people at first that you wanted to be an actor they laughed at you! Now come on Bobby, why don't you tell us a little bit about your band? [Bobby Corso] Well it's just me and my pal Rooster, the band's name is Numb Nuts. [Rachel Green] Really? [Joey Tribbiani] Dina, if you're having a baby you should be married! Even if it is to Bobby! Dude, that's not a compliment! [Dina] No Joey! I knew you wouldn't be supportive! [Joey Tribbiani] So whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! What are you gonna do? You're gonna have the baby and-and raise it by yourself...without a husband?! You can't be a single mother alone! You're gonna ruin your life! [Rachel Green] Oh excuse me! Am I ruining my life? [Joey Tribbiani] No! No! No! It's different for you. You're so strong and together. You're not some dumb kid who doesn't know what she's doing. [Dina] Excuse me? [Joey Tribbiani] One pregnant woman at a time, please! I just want you to be okay. [Rachel Green] So forcing her to marry Bobby is gonna make that happen? [Joey Tribbiani] Maybe! Well! Well...so-so uh, what kind of music does Numb Nuts-Oh forget it! I can't! [Dina] Joey, I am scared to death about this. But I really think I can do it, I'm just gonna need some help. And Bobby's gonna be here the whole time. [Bobby Corso] You bet I am! And to answer your earlier question, we're straight-up gangster rap. [Dina] Look, Rachel's told me how much easier you've made all this on her. Why can't you do that for me? [Joey Tribbiani] Because! 'Cause... 'Cause you're my baby sister! [Dina] And you're my big brother! I mean, you're my favorite guy in the whole world. I'm not even scared to tell mom and dad. I was scared of telling you. [Joey Tribbiani] Well I'd be scared of them, but all right. [Dina] Joey, I can't stand the thought of having this baby with you mad at me. I want him to have his uncle. Is my baby gonna have his Uncle Joey? [Joey Tribbiani] Of course he's gonna have his Uncle Joey! [Dina] We're gonna be all right. I mean, even if we're not married this baby is gonna be so loved. Not just by us. [Joey Tribbiani] That's right! By his uncle too! [Bobby Corso] And by you. [Rachel Green] Okay Bobby, why don't we just come over here and let them have a little moment. [Joey Tribbiani] Come here! [Rachel Green] No! Seriously! What's wrong with you?! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] You're gonna love me so much. I got Sting tickets!! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! I do love you! How did you do it?! [Ross Geller] Well...let's just say... Rosss caaaaan! [Phoebe Buffay] Oo, where are the seats? [Ross Geller] Uh, middle balcony. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, now would you say that that's more than 50 yards away from Sting, his wife, or a member of his family? [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] Then that's not breaking the law! I'm there!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e10", "title": "The One With Monica's Boots"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Ross' Step Forward [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? [Rachel Green] Look at that guy by the window, wow! [Phoebe Buffay] He's awfully short and I think he's talking to himself. And to be completely honest, he's not that good in bed. [Rachel Green] Oh, what is wrong with me lately? I mean it's like every guy I see-I mean look here. Look at that guy for example, I mean normally that's not someone I would-would be attracted to, but right now, with the way I'm feeling, all I want to do is rip off his sweatpants and fanny pack. [Phoebe Buffay] Wait a second! This is about the fourth month of your pregnancy, right? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] This is completely normal, around the fourth month your hormones start going crazy. [Rachel Green] Really?! So this has happened to you? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh absolutely yeah! Oh and keep in mind, now, I was carrying triplets so in, y'know, medical terms I was-I was thrice as randy. [Rachel Green] Wow! This explains so much! Last weekend, I went from store to store sitting on Santa's lap. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. Yeah, I remember trying to steal a cardboard cutout of Evander Holyfield from a Foot Locker. [Rachel Green] Ah. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Well, y'know what? I go see my doctor tomorrow, I'll ask her about this. Maybe she can give me a pill or something. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. Yeah, that's what you need a good...pill. --------------------------------------- [Mona] Hey! Hey! [Ross Geller] Hi! [Mona] Hi! Look! I got our pictures developed from Rockefeller Center. [Ross Geller] Oh great! Hey-hey Joey, do you want to check out pictures of me and Mona ice skating? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh uh, ordinarily I would love too, but I am just swamped right now. [Ross Geller] Hey where-where are the pictures that creepy pretzel vendor took of us together? [Mona] Oh yeah, probably at the end. Oh my God! He only took pictures of my breasts! [Joey Tribbiani] I'm missin' picture time?! [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know she has a face Ross! [Mona] Okay. Okay, here's a good one of us. [Ross Geller] Wow! That is a good one! Wow, it looks like a, like a holiday card y'know, with the tree in the middle and the skaters and the snow. [Mona] Y'know, every year I say I'm gonna send out holiday cards and I never do it. Do you wanna, do you wanna send this one out together? [Ross Geller] Together? Like-like to people? [Mona] Yeah, y'know. Happy holidays from Mona and Ross. It'll be cute, okay? [Ross Geller] Okay. [Mona] Oh, I gotta get to work. So call me later? [Ross Geller] Uh sure, sure. [Mona] Bye guys. [Phoebe Buffay] Bye. [Joey Tribbiani] Congratulations! You just got married! [Ross Geller] I know. Can you believe that? [Phoebe Buffay] Wait, I'm-I'm sorry. What's the big deal about a holiday card? [Ross Geller] Married couples send out cards, families send out cards, people who have been dating for a couple of months do not send out cards! What-what is she crazy?! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey-hey, hey that's your wife you're talking about! --------------------------------------- [Doug] Bing! Ho! And the Bing-ette! [Chandler Bing] Honey, you remember my boss Doug right? [Monica Geller] Yes, hi. [Doug] Hi. So good news, the divorce is final. I signed the papers this A.M. [Chandler Bing] I didn't know you and Carol were getting divorced, I'm sorry. [Doug] Sorry? Finally chewed my leg out of that bear trap. Hey, congratulations to you guys though! [Monica Geller] No leg-chewing for us sir. [Doug] Oh well, give it time. So the divorce, the marriage, we've got a lot to celebrate. How about we all go out to dinner tomorrow night? [Monica Geller] I can't think of anything we're doing. Why can't I think of anything we're doing? [Doug] Tomorrow night it is then, I should be out of court by six. They keep throwing these sexual harassment cases at me and I keep knocking them out of the park! [Monica Geller] Okay, I'll see you tomorrow! Just so you know, we're not seeing him tomorrow. I-I cannot spend another evening with that man. Do you remember how he behaved at our wedding? [Chandler Bing] No. [Monica Geller] That's because he wasn't invited because of the way he behaved at our engagement party. [Chandler Bing] Oh yeah. Boy, urine cuts right through an ice sculpture doesn't it? --------------------------------------- [Mona] Hi! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Mona] Hey, I went by the photo shop, take a look, here is a mockup of our card. What do you think? [Ross Geller] Huh. Wow, this is great. [Mona] Now, do you think it should say, "Love Ross and Mona?" [Ross Geller] Well, we-we haven't said that to each other yet, but I guess its okay to say it to other people. [Mona] How many did you want? I'm getting a hundred. [Ross Geller] A hundred?! Well, I-I guess I'll take a-Mona, uh...I-I'm not sure about the whole uh, card thing. [Mona] Really? Why not? [Ross Geller] Sending out a holiday card, together, I mean I just don't know if we're really quite there yet. [Mona] Oh y'know, I didn't think of it that way. You're right. You're right. So, can I ask you a question? [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Mona] Where are we? [Ross Geller] Huh. [Mona] Y'know, like where are we? Where is this relationship going? [Ross Geller] Hmm... [Mona] I mean I love spending time with you, y'know I just-I hope we're moving forward. I mean, we should probably talk about that. Don't you think? [Ross Geller] Let's do the card! [Mona] What? [Ross Geller] The card! I think we're there! [Mona] Okay. I-But I think we should still have this conversation. [Ross Geller] Really?! I mean, even with the card? --------------------------------------- [Nurse] Hi! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Nurse] Just so you know, Dr. Long can't be here today, she was called to the hospital, so Dr. Schiff will be seeing you. [Rachel Green] Oh, okay. Hey, can I ask you a question? Was it me, or-or was the guy who took my blood sample really cute? Y'know who I'm talking about, bald haircut, hairy fingers... [Dr. Schiff] Hi Rachel? I'm Dr. Schiff. [Rachel Green] Yes, you are. [Dr. Schiff] So, how's it going? [Rachel Green] Oh, really, really good. But enough about me, come on! Where-where are you from? What do you do? [Dr. Schiff] I'm a doctor. [Rachel Green] Right! Right! I-I actually meant in your spare time, do you cook? Do you ski? Or do you just hang out with your wife or girlfriend? [Dr. Schiff] Uh, I don't have a wife or girlfriend, but I do like to ski. [Rachel Green] Oh, I love to ski! How amazing is this?! [Dr. Schiff] So, are you experiencing any discomfort? [Rachel Green] No. I'm very comfortable. [Dr. Schiff] Any painful gas? [Rachel Green] No! Shoot, Dr. Schiff what kind of question is that?! [Dr. Schiff] Okay then, would you like to lie down on the table? [Rachel Green] Well would you like me to lie down on the table? [Dr. Schiff] I'm sorry, is there something going on here? [Rachel Green] Do you feel it too? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh hey! So, how did your doctor's appointment go? [Rachel Green] Well, let's see. Uh, they gave me cute doctor today and in the middle of the exam I put my pinky in his chin dimple. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God. [Monica Geller] Why did you do that? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, remember that little problem I was having during my fourth month of pregnancy? [Monica Geller] Oh yeah, the Evander Holyfield phase. Oh man you were so hard up you practically came on to me. [Phoebe Buffay] You wish. [Monica Geller] Hey, I could've had you if I wanted you. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah? Come and get it. [Rachel Green] Okay, even this is turning me on! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Oh hey! Hey Ross! Hey how's it, how's it going with you and Mona? Are you guys still together? [Ross Geller] Oh yeah, yeah we're moving forward. You'll be getting our card! [Monica Geller] You and Mona are doing a holiday card together? [Ross Geller] Yeah, we're not just doing a card! Y'know, she-she also wants to have the conversation about where the relationship is going. [Phoebe Buffay] Ugh! Women! [Ross Geller] I know! I know! Why do you guys need to have this conversation?! Huh? I mean no self-respecting man would ask a woman, "So, where is this going?" [Rachel Green] Uh Ross? You asked me that. [Ross Geller] Hey! You were a closed book! Okay? I'm not a mind reader! Besides, I hate those conversations. I'm horrible at them. Really! Maybe-maybe I need kind of a gesture. Y'know, something that says we're moving forward without having to talk about it. [Monica Geller] Like asking her to move in with you? [Ross Geller] Smaller than that. [Monica Geller] Making her a mixed tape? [Ross Geller] Uh, bigger than that. [Phoebe Buffay] Give her a key to your apartment. [Ross Geller] Whoa-hello! We were closer with the mixed tape. [Monica Geller] All right. Have you said, "I love you?" You could say, I love you. [Ross Geller] Yeah I-I don't-I don't think I'm quite there yet, but I could say I looove spending time with you. [Phoebe Buffay] No, we hate that. [Monica Geller] That is a slap in the face. [Ross Geller] Forget it. I-I-Y'know what? I'll just have the conversation. I'll just say I like things the way they are, and hope for the best. What do you think Rach? [Rachel Green] I think, if it was a little colder in here I could see your nipples through that sweater. --------------------------------------- [Doug] Bing! We're all set for tonight, 8 o'clock. [Chandler Bing] Oh uh, as it turns out, we can't do it. Monica has to work. [Doug] Oh, my ex-wife didn't work, unless you call turning into her mother work. Fine. Tomorrow night then. [Chandler Bing] Oh uh well tomorrow's no good for her either. [Doug] Oh? Why not? [Chandler Bing] It's the semi-finals...of her...botchy ball tournament. [Doug] What's going on Bing? Does uh, your wife have a problem with me or something? [Chandler Bing] Well now-now you're just talking crazy. [Doug] So why can't the three of us go out together? [Chandler Bing] Because uh...we-we...we split up. Monica and I split up. Hold me. [Doug] Good God Bing I...well I can't say I'm altogether surprised, I saw the way she looked at you, and there was no love there. And the way she looked at me, pure lust. [Chandler Bing] Y'know what would really help me through this tough time is choking something. Can I choke ya? [Doug] Bing my boy, we're gonna get you over this. Now here's the plan, grab your coat, we're going to a strip club. [Chandler Bing] Oh no-no-no, Monica would freak. But to hell with that bitch. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Here we go. Mona umm, I think it's time we-we had a conversation about-about where things are with us. [Mona] Yeah, I-I think I suggested that. [Ross Geller] Aw, we-we are so... So umm, well I-I-I like you and I-I love umm, y'know hanging out with you. And I mean-I'm having a lot of fun. [Mona] Okay. [Ross Geller] I mean, there's no point in spending time with someone if-if it's just fun. It's gotta be, it's gotta be going somewhere right? So where-where is it going? Ah! That's-that's the real question. And-and the answer is...is it's going somewhere...fun. Now I-I know what you're thinking, fun was fine for you like ten years ago y'know, but you're-you're not getting any younger. No I mean-No not you, not you, you-you are getting younger. I mean-you-you look like you're getting younger by the second-What's your secret? [Mona] I'm sorry, so umm, so where are we? [Ross Geller] Well, well to sum up, we're having fun, you look young. [Mona] Okay... [Ross Geller] But that's not enough. So... So...here's a key to my apartment. [Mona] Really?! [Ross Geller] Really. [Mona] You don't think this is too fast. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] You gave her a key to your apartment?! [Ross Geller] Not just a key, I gave her the only key! I am now a homeless person in a very serious relationship. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. Ooh Ross! How'd the conversation go? [Ross Geller] Oh great, I live on the street. [Phoebe Buffay] Where?! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hi! Okay, Monica, Rachel, this is my friend Roger. [Roger] Hey everybody. [Monica Geller] Hi Roger. [Phoebe Buffay] So umm, I'm gonna get us some drinks. Would you help me out? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, he's here to have sex with you. [Rachel Green] What? [Phoebe Buffay] You're welcome. [Rachel Green] Phoebe no! [Phoebe Buffay] It's okay, he's a virgin. [Monica Geller] Rachel umm, I was just talking to this guy and I think he'll have sex with you. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, okay let's leave these two alone. [Rachel Green] No! I do not care what my hormones are doing, I am not going to just do it with some random guy! [Phoebe Buffay] Fine! Then you tell Roger because he was really looking forward to this! --------------------------------------- [Doug] Oh Bing, look at those twin sisters dancing together. Let me buy you a lap dance with those girls. Huh? [Chandler Bing] Oh that's all right sir, and that's just one girl. [Doug] Bing-What's this?! [Chandler Bing] It's a hand. It's a thing you use as a Jack and Coke holder. [Doug] No, it's a wedding ring. You gotta get rid of it. We're gonna go to the East River right now and throw it in there! [Chandler Bing] Oh no-no-no! [Doug] Oh yeah-yeah-yeah, y'know I did it and I felt a hell of a lot better and if you whip it just right you might hit a seagull in the head. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Okay, and oh I'm gonna need a bunch of extra keys. Apparently I give them away for no reason at all. [Mona] Hey Ross, what's going on? You changing the lock? [Ross Geller] No. That guy is. [Mona] I don't understand. You-you give me a key to your apartment and then you change the lock. [Locksmith] Good luck buddy. [Mona] Umm, I-I thought we were moving forward and now you're-you're sending me all these mixed signals. What are you trying to tell me? [Ross Geller] I'm trying to tell you I made you a mix tape. [Mona] What? [Ross Geller] I love you! [Mona] Ohh! And I love spending time with you. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hi honey I'm home. [Monica Geller] From the tequila factory? [Chandler Bing] It was awful. To get out of going to dinner with Doug I told him that you and I split up. So then he took me to all these strip clubs and sleazy bars, and then when I wouldn't give him my wedding ring, he threw a soda can at a bird! [Monica Geller] Come here. I can breath through my mouth. [Chandler Bing] Y'know what the worse part was? I got to see what my life would be like without you. It was like It's a Wonderful Life with lap dances. Please promise that you will never leave me, that we will grow old together, and be with each other for the rest of our lives. [Monica Geller] I promise. Hey, speaking of together, how about we send out a holiday card this year? [Chandler Bing] Ooh, I don't know if we're there yet. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Yes. Hi, I'd like to order a pizza. Okay, can I ask you a question? Is-is the cute blond guy delivering tonight? Very Ambercrombie & Fitch. I'll call you back. [Joey Tribbiani] Who was that? [Rachel Green] It's just the pizza place. [Joey Tribbiani] You hung up on the pizza place? I don't hang up on your friends. [Rachel Green] I'm sorry honey, I'm just having a, having a rough day. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, what's wrong? [Rachel Green] Oh you really, you really just don't want to hear about it. [Joey Tribbiani] Then why did I ask? [Rachel Green] Okay, it's just-and this is really embarrassing-but lately with this whole pregnancy thing I'm just finding myself...how do I put this umm, erotically charged. [Joey Tribbiani] Is that college talk for horny? [Rachel Green] Yeah. So y'know, I have all of these feelings and I don't know what to do about them, because I can't date like a normal person, which is fine because I don't need a relationship, I mean all I really want is one great night. Just sex, y'know? No strings attached, no relationship, just with someone that I feel comfortable with and who knows what he's doing. For just one great night, I mean is that really so...hard...to find. So how was your day? [Joey Tribbiani] Good, I uh, I saw a pretty big pigeon. [Rachel Green] Well, I gotta get up early and it's almost seven o'clock. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I gotta, I gotta go to my room too. [Rachel Green] Okay, good night! [Joey Tribbiani] Good night. [Joey Tribbiani] I can't do it! [Rachel Green] I didn't ask you to do it! [Joey Tribbiani] You're Rachel! [Rachel Green] You're Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] You're my friend! [Rachel Green] Right back at ya! [Joey Tribbiani] But plus, it would be wrong and weird and-and-and bad. [Rachel Green] And so bad. I don't even know what you're talking about because I didn't ask you to do anything! [Joey Tribbiani] I know! [Joey Tribbiani] Do you wanna do it? [Rachel Green] No! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, me neither! I was just testing you! [Rachel Green] That's the end of this conversation! [Joey Tribbiani] This conversation never happened! [Rachel Green] Never happened! Good night! [Joey Tribbiani] Good night! [Joey Tribbiani] Get back in there! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hi. Listen, I'm sorry about that whole thing with Roger. It really wasn't right, and I, and I want to make it up to you, so umm, I brought you something that I think you'll really enjoy. Now, this is just a loan. Okay? I'm gonna, I'm gonna want him back. So... I'm gonna go now. I'm sorry, I thought I could do it and I can't!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e11", "title": "The One With Ross' Step Forward"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Joey Dates Rachel [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! I got you a present!! [Chandler Bing] Oh my goodness! Where did you hide it? [Phoebe Buffay] I got it for your wedding and I ordered it weeks ago, and it finally got here! [Chandler Bing] Pheebs you didn't have to get us anything for our wedding you already sang... [Monica Geller] I love it! It's huge!! Let's open it! Open it!! [Phoebe Buffay] It's a Ms. Pac-Man machine!! [Monica Geller] Oh my God! [Phoebe Buffay] I didn't know where to put it so I just left it here for now. [Monica Geller] Oh well, maybe we can put it in the guest bedroom. [Chandler Bing] Oh, okay. [Monica Geller] All right. [Chandler Bing] I kinda like it here. [Phoebe Buffay] Do you really like it? [Monica Geller] Are you kidding?! I practically spent my entire childhood at the arcade! This is like-Oh my, this is like my second favorite game! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh really? What was your first? [Monica Geller] Well I-I really don't remember the name of it. [Chandler Bing] Well what did it do? [Monica Geller] Well, you just-you put a quarter in and y'know pull-pull some handles and win like a candy bar or something. [Chandler Bing] A vending machine? [Monica Geller] Don't feel bad for me! I won like every time! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! Oh, I'm so glad you guys are here. I've been dying to tell someone what happened in the Paleontology department today. [Joey Tribbiani] Do you think he saw us or can we still sneak out? [Ross Geller] Professor Neuman, the head of the department, so.... [Rachel Green] They made you head of the department! [Ross Geller] No, I get to teach one of his advanced classes! Why didn't I get head of the department? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh! Hey Rach, listen umm... [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] I got a big date coming up, do you know a good restaurant? [Rachel Green] Uh, Paul's Caf. They got great food and it's really romantic. [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh, great! Thanks! [Rachel Green] Yeah! Oh, and then afterwards you can take her to the Four Seasons for drinks. Or you go downtown and listen to some jazz. Or dancing-Oh! Take her dancing! [Joey Tribbiani] You sure are naming a lot of ways to postpone sex, I'll tell ya... [Rachel Green] Ooh, I miss dating. Gettin' all dressed up and going to a fancy restaurant. I'm not gonna be able to do that for so long, and it's so much fun! I mean not that sitting at home worrying about giving birth to a sixteen pound baby is not fun. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, y'know what? [Rachel Green] Huh? [Joey Tribbiani] Why don't I take you out? [Rachel Green] What?! Joey, you don't want to go on a date with a pregnant lady. [Joey Tribbiani] Yes I do! And we're gonna go out, we're gonna have a good time, and take your mind off of childbirth and c-sections and-and giant baby heads stretching out... [Rachel Green] Okay! I'll go with ya! I'll go! I'll go with ya. [Joey Tribbiani] I'll be fun. [Rachel Green] All right? --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] No. No! Yes! Ahh. Oh, would you look at that Monica? I just knocked off all of your top scores, how sad. [Monica Geller] Okay, I'm next. Don't! Don't start another game! I said I'm next! Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't hear you over all the winning. [Monica Geller] Chandler! Phoebe's hogging the game! [Chandler Bing] Who cares? It's a stupid game. [Monica Geller] You only think it's stupid because you suck at it. [Chandler Bing] I don't suck. It's sucks. You suck. [Phoebe Buffay] Wait okay, if this game is gonna cause problems between the two of you, then maybe I should just keep it. [Monica Geller] No! No-no! I love it! It is a great present! In fact, why don't you go home and wait for the thank you card? [Chandler Bing] Why do you want to play this game so bad? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! It's not like it spits out a Clark bar after every game. [Monica Geller] Okay. Phoebe that's it. Come on, get out-out of the chair. Get out! Oh come...Phoebe! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Joey? Could you get that? What are you doing here? I thought you were in your room? [Joey Tribbiani] No, I'm picking you up for our date. These are for you. [Rachel Green] Ohh, Lilies. Joey, they're my favorite. Thank you. [Joey Tribbiani] And, a brownie! Well, half a brownie. Actually, it's just bag. It's been a long walk from the flower shop and I was startin' to feel faint so... [Rachel Green] Oh man! This is so great! I actually feel like I'm going on a real date! Although, I have a hint of morning sickness, and I'm wearing underwear that goes up to about......there. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey come on now, this is a real date. Uh, so...nice place you got here. Foosball, huh? Pizza box. Oh, a subscription to Playboy, my kind of woman. [Rachel Green] Yeah, actually that's my roommate's. [Joey Tribbiani] I would like to meet him. He sounds like a stand up guy. [Rachel Green] Ah yes, but he's very protective of me so you'd better watch yourself. [Joey Tribbiani] Ah... Hey, so this roommate of yours...is he good looking? [Rachel Green] Hm-mmm. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah, it must be tough to keep your hands of him, huh? [Rachel Green] Yeah, but I'm pretty sure he's gay. [Joey Tribbiani] No-no-no-no, he's not! No! Why are you trying to ruin the game? Come on! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] ...which brings us back, of course, to Greely's theory of dominance. Okay, that-that's all for today. Oh, uh does anyone know where the Freeman building is? [Student] Yeah, it's the new building on Avenue A. [Ross Geller] What?! That-that's all the way cross town, I'm supposed to teach a graduate seminar there in ten minutes. [Student] Ooh, dude. That's not gonna happen. [Ross Geller] Move it! Move it! Move it!! Hey!!! I'm the teacher!! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hello. I'm sorry I'm a little late. Ah--Whoa! A lot late. Let me start by uh, by introducing myself, I am Professor Geller. So to sum up, I'm Professor Geller. Good job today. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Now the filet mignon, what comes with that? [Waitress] There's a side of steamed vegetables. [Rachel Green] Emmm. Now, instead of the vegetables, is there anyway I can substitute the three-pound lobster? [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know what? Bring her both, and I'll have the same. [Rachel Green] Wow! This is shaping up to be a pretty good date-Oh, I almost forgot. I didn't pay you the rent check. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh whoa-whoa-whoa, no roommate stuff. Okay? We're on a date. [Rachel Green] Okay. Wow! So I get to see what Joey Tribbiani is like on a date. So do you have any moves? [Joey Tribbiani] No! No. Umm, just myself and if they don't like me for- I'm sorry I couldn't even get through that. [Rachel Green] I knew it! I knew it. Come on tell me your moves. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh alright. Umm, well, okay, I usually start by having a bottle of wine sent to my table from a fan. [Rachel Green] Oh my God. And that works?! [Joey Tribbiani] Well it does when you combine it with, "This is so embarrassing, I just want to have a normal life!" [Rachel Green] Oh, you poor little famous man. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh okay, how about this one. I was gonna wait until the end of the night to kiss you, but you're so beautiful...I don't think I can. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Wow! That was fantastic, I almost leaned in. I really almost did! [Joey Tribbiani] Alright, so...so tell me one of your moves. [Rachel Green] Alright. So where'd you grow up? [Joey Tribbiani] That's your move? Boy Rach, you're lucky you're hot. [Rachel Green] Come on, just answer the question! [Joey Tribbiani] Queens. [Rachel Green] And so were-were you close to your parents? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, with my mom. Yeah, not so much with my dad. [Rachel Green] Why not? [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know. I guess there's just always been this distance y'know-I mean we both try to pretend it's not there, but it is. [Rachel Green] Oh. It's gotta be rough. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, it is. It's really tough. Y'know sometimes I think-Wow!! Nice move! [Rachel Green] Huh? [Joey Tribbiani] "Where'd you grow up," it's so simple! [Rachel Green] Thank you! And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the rest room. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Rachel Green] And now you're watching me walk away. [Joey Tribbiani] Yes I am! Again so simple! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey. [Chandler Bing] You are not going to believe what I did today! [Monica Geller] Well it clearly wasn't showering or shaving. [Chandler Bing] I got good. I played this game all day and now I rule at it! They should change the name of it to Ms. Chandler. Although I-I hope they don't. [Monica Geller] Wait a minute, you stayed home all day and played Ms. Pac-Man while I went off to work like some kind of chump?! [Chandler Bing] Uh-huh, and I got all the top ten scores, I erased Phoebe off the board! High five! [Monica Geller] What is the matter with your hand? [Chandler Bing] Well I've been playing it for like eight hours, it'll loosen up. Come on, check out the scores. Oh, and also look at the initials, they're dirty words. [Monica Geller] Chandler, why would you do that? [Chandler Bing] Because it's awesome. [Monica Geller] You think this is clever? [Chandler Bing] Well y'know, they only give you three letters, so after A-S-S it is a bit of a challenge. [Monica Geller] Hey wait a minute, this one isn't dirty. [Chandler Bing] It is when you put it together with that one. [Monica Geller] Ah, well if you don't clear this off, you won't be getting one of those from me. But Ben's coming over here tomorrow to play this game, this can't be there. [Chandler Bing] Come on, he won't even know what they mean. [Monica Geller] Chandler! He's seven; he's not stupid. [Chandler Bing] Have you talked to him lately? [Monica Geller] All right, look I'm just gonna unplug it. [Chandler Bing] No-no-no, if you unplug it, I'll have nothing to show for my day! It would be like I was at work. No! Hey look at that! Look at that, it's still there! This thing must have some kind of primitive ROM Chip in it or something! [Monica Geller] Honey you-you got to beat your scores! [Chandler Bing] With the claw?! [Monica Geller] All right fine. Fine, I'll do it. I've just got to get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him pull my finger. [Chandler Bing] Pull my finger--My hand is messed up. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] I am not gonna answer that! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh come on! Just pick one! Between Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross if you had to, if you had to, who would you punch? [Rachel Green] No one! They are my friends, I wouldn't punch any of them. [Joey Tribbiani] Chandler? [Rachel Green] Yeah, but I don't know why. Look at me, I'm having such a wonderful time! [Joey Tribbiani] Me too! Hey Rach, can I just say I think this is the best date I ever had! [Rachel Green] I know! [Joey Tribbiani] I never laughed so hard-Did you see the wine come out of my nose? [Rachel Green] Joey, I think everyone saw the wine come out of your nose. [Joey Tribbiani] I gotta say, I never knew I could enjoy the non-sex part of the date so much. [Rachel Green] Well that is because you have never been on a date with me before. [Joey Tribbiani] Huh. Huh. [Rachel Green] All right, now don't judge me. I normally wait until my date leaves, but you live here. I'm ripping into this swan. [Joey Tribbiani] Ah! Okay, well then you don't judge me. I'm gonna suck on the cellophane from the brownie I had before. [Rachel Green] So tell me, what are Joey Tribbiani's end of the night moves? [Joey Tribbiani] Ah, well, if I want the girl to kiss me, first thing I do is make my lips look irresistible. [Rachel Green] How do you do that? [Joey Tribbiani] Now you can't tell anyone, but uh...I put on shiny lip balm. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, like a moth to a flame, I'm telling ya. Okay all right, so now you go. [Rachel Green] No, I don't want to tell you. [Joey Tribbiani] Why not? [Rachel Green] Because it's embarrassing. [Joey Tribbiani] More embarrassing than shiny raspberry lip balm?! I didn't say raspberry before did I? All right just-just tell me Rach, just tell me! [Rachel Green] Okay. All right, stand up. Well, when we're at the door, I lightly press my lips against his, and then move into his body just for a second, and then I make this sound, "Hmmm." Okay, I know it doesn't sound like anything, but I swear it works. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. Why-Yeah, that would work for ya... [Rachel Green] All right, I gotta go to bed. Honey, I had such a wonderful time. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh. Yeah. Me to. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] ...you were 50 minutes late to the class, what did you crawl there?! [Ross Geller] No, I ran. It was really far, and when did people stop understanding the phrase, "Get the hell out of my way!" [Rachel Green] Well, why didn't you just take a cab? [Ross Geller] Ugh, between the traffic that time of day and all the one-way streets it'll take me twice as long. Besides, I teach the class three times a week, who am I? Rockefeller? [Rachel Green] Well you're not gonna be able to keep doing this. [Ross Geller] Well I have to. Okay? If I don't, they'll take the class away from me. And...I already put it in my family newsletter. [Rachel Green] You what? [Ross Geller] You've seen it, the Geller Yeller. [Rachel Green] Right. Wow! [Ross Geller] Besides, I-I think I figured out a much faster route, I'm sure I can make it this time. I just...I just can't be afraid to get a little bit...hit by cars. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hi! Hey, remember how last night we were talking about that movie Cujo? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah, I still can't believe you haven't seen Cujo. What is wrong with you? [Rachel Green] Relax! It's not like it's Citizen Kane! [Joey Tribbiani] Have you ever tried to sit through Citizen Kane? [Rachel Green] Yeah I know it's really boring, but it's like a big deal. Anyway, I was thinking about renting Cujo sometime. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah? All right, let's do it tonight. [Rachel Green] Well don't you have that big date tonight? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh right! [Rachel Green] Hey Joey, can I ask you something? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Rachel Green] After our date last night, did you feel a little weird? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God! You did too? It totally freaked me out, what was that?! [Rachel Green] I don't know! I'm-I'm kinda thinking it-it was the lobster... [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah-yeah, the lobster. [Rachel Green] Yeah, I mean I was up sick all night. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah me too, all night. [Rachel Green] Really?! How come we didn't cross paths? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah well that's because uh...I stayed in my room. Yeah, you don't want to look in my hamper. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Okay, I got that. I'll escape over there. I'll come back over here. All right, come on Ms. Pac-Man. It's got-Right- Well, you're just a little bitch, aren't you? [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, you guys. Listen, I'm sorry that I was hogging the game before--Oh my God! Your friends have some unfortunate initials! [Monica Geller] They're all Chandler. [Phoebe Buffay] Chandler sucks! He couldn't have gotten this good! [Chandler Bing] I did. But it came at a price. [Monica Geller] But Ben is coming over tonight and he can't see this. [Chandler Bing] Oh come on, by age seven kids have already seen orgies. Was it just me?! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Yeah!!!! Yes, I made it! I'm on time! Okay, why don't we all uh, open our books to page 23. Where... Where you will see...a uh...a bunch of uh...red spots. Okay, umm, why don't, why don't you all start to read, while I- --------------------------------------- [Joey's Date] Hey. Are you all right? You seem a little distracted. [Joey Tribbiani] No-no! I'm fine. It's just... Hey, can I ask you something? Have you ever looked at someone that you've known for a while and then suddenly...suddenly see them a different way? [Joey's Date] You mean like from behind? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. Yeah, that...that's exactly it. You're right. Yeah. [Joey's Date] Ew, y'know what? One time I saw this guy from behind and he seemed like a totally normal guy and then he turned around and it was Stephan Baldwin! [Joey Tribbiani] Ooh! Yeah. So yeah, so you know exactly what I'm talking about. [Joey's Date] Totally! Wow! Would you excuse me for a sec? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah, sure. Ehhh. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Oh my God Phoebe, you're on fire! [Phoebe Buffay] I know! [Chandler Bing] One more score to go! You can do it! [Phoebe Buffay] Don't touch me!! [Monica Geller] Don't touch her!! [Chandler Bing] All right! Go left! Go left! Go right!! Go right!! [Phoebe Buffay] I can't!! I can't!! Noooooooo!!!!!!! You son of a bitch!!!!! [Ross Geller] Phoebe!! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh hi Ben-No!! Don't look at the machine! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh God! Thank God you're home! I'm watching Cujo. [Joey Tribbiani] Alone?! [Rachel Green] Yes! But what is wrong with this dog?! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, did you get to the part where they're trapped in the car and Cujo's throwin' himself at the windshield? [Rachel Green] No! No! Seriously, what's wrong with the dog?! Wait a minute, what are you doing home so early? What happened to your date? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh uh, it didn't work out. [Rachel Green] Oh. Do you want to watch the rest of the movie with me? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh uh, okay. Yeah. [Rachel Green] Y'know, I never thought I'd say this about a movie, but I really hope this dog dies. What are you doing over there? Come sit here, you protect me. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh sure, yeah, why not? [Rachel Green] Okay. Okay, that's him! That's him! That's Cujo! That's Cujo! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, I know! I know. Yeah, it'll be okay. [Rachel Green] Oh my God....What's he gonna do now? I can't watch! Oh. Seriously, how can you watch this? Aren't you scared? [Joey Tribbiani] Terrified. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] So is everybody here? I got here a little early myself. Let us begin. Now, the hydrosaurids have been unearthed in two main locations. Here. Here. Now as for the hydrosaurs...

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e12", "title": "The One Where Joey Dates Rachel"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Chandler Takes a Bath [Joey Tribbiani] All right. It's a new day. All that stuff about Rachel, you don't feel that now. It was crazy! You're fine. You're better than fine! You are, as your friend Tony would say, Grrrreat! Everything's normal! She's just your friend Rachel! Your friend Rachel. Your friend! Rachel. [Rachel Green] Hi, sweetie. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, it's your girlfriend, Rachel! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hi. [Chandler Bing] Are you, are you high? [Monica Geller] I just had the most amazing bath. [Chandler Bing] Really? I don't like baths. [Monica Geller] Wait, you like them with me. [Chandler Bing] Honey, it's not the bath I enjoy, it's the wet, naked lady. [Monica Geller] Oh, baths are so relaxing! [Chandler Bing] Really? What do you do? You just sit in there stewing in your own filth. [Monica Geller] How dirty do you think I am? I'm telling you, if you had some candles and some bubbles and some music, you would love it! It would take all of your stress away. [Chandler Bing] Honey, it's 2:00 on a Wednesday and I'm watching Road Rules, how stressed do you think I am? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, Chandler, you got a minute? I-I really need to talk to you. [Chandler Bing] Oh! Uh, yeah! Is this a cold pizza talk or a leftover meatloaf talk? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, neither. [Chandler Bing] Oh my God, what's up?! [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know. It's-it's just...lately, I've been feeling... Okay, here's what it is... You know what? I feel a lot better, thanks! [Chandler Bing] Oh no-no, no you don't, just come back. [Joey Tribbiani] All right. Okay. You and Monica, friends for a long time, and sure there are rules, but then you went to London. Oh, no, but that's different. I mean, there are rules there, too! You know what I mean? [Chandler Bing] Do you? [Joey Tribbiani] It was different for you guys! I mean, I mean, you were both in the same place, right? [Chandler Bing] In London? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] Yes. When Monica and I were in London, we were both in London. [Joey Tribbiani] You know what? This is a bad idea. Forget it. Forget it, and listen, do me a favor, this conversation was between you and me. [Chandler Bing] If that. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi! Oh, Ross, don't forget, we have that doctor's appointment tomorrow! [Ross Geller] Right. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, are you going to find out the sex of the baby? [Ross Geller] No-no, we talked about it. We don't want to know. All we care about is that it's happy and healthy. [Rachel Green] Yep! Happy and healthy! And cute! [Ross Geller] And smart! [Rachel Green] Popular. [Ross Geller] With an aptitude for science. [Phoebe Buffay] Are you two talking about the same baby? Hey! Have you started off thinking of names yet? [Rachel Green] Oh yeah! I've come up with a bunch of ideas! [Ross Geller] Really? Me too! [Phoebe Buffay] Me too! [Rachel Green] Really?! [Phoebe Buffay] Uh huh! If it's a girl, Phoebe, and if it's a boy, Phoebo! [Ross Geller] Maybe. But it wouldn't hurt to have a backup, you know? Uh, Rach-Rach, what were you thinking? [Rachel Green] Okay! I was thinking if it's a girl, how about Sandrine? It's French. [Ross Geller] Huh. That's a really pretty name for-for an industrial solvent. [Rachel Green] Okay fine, what do you have? [Ross Geller] Well, OK, it's for a boy. Well, I know it's a little out there, but...Darwin. [Rachel Green] Wow, oh my God, our child will be beaten to death in the schoolyard. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, by Sandrine. [Ross Geller] You're just saying that 'cause I said no to your name! [Rachel Green] I'm really, really not. [Phoebe Buffay] How-how about you each get five vetoes? [Ross Geller] All right. [Rachel Green] All right. [Ross Geller] That sounds fair. [Rachel Green] Yeah! I don't think you're going to need it though. Okay, check this out. If it's a girl, Rain. [Ross Geller] Veto. [Rachel Green] Why? [Ross Geller] Rain? Hi. Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln, and my dress is made out of wheat. [Phoebe Buffay] I know her! I bought homemade soap from her at a Dead show! [Ross Geller] Okay, how about, for a guy, Thatcher? [Rachel Green] Ross, why do you hate our child? [Ross Geller] Fine, you go. [Rachel Green] Okay, James. [Ross Geller] Huh. [Rachel Green] But only if it's a girl. [Ross Geller] Oh, veto. How about-Ooh, I like Ruth! What about Ruth? [Rachel Green] Oh! I'm sorry! Are we having an 89-year-old? How about Dayton? [Ross Geller] Veto. Stewart? [Rachel Green] Veto. Sawyer? [Ross Geller] Veto. Helen? [Rachel Green] Veto. [Phoebe Buffay] Is it me, or is veto starting to sound really good? --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Monica Geller] Boy, do I have a surprise for you! [Chandler Bing] Sex on the balcony? [Monica Geller] No, but someone's really not going to get over that idea, are they? [Chandler Bing] What is it? [Monica Geller] I drew you a bath! [Chandler Bing] Honey, I don't like baths! Could you draw me a picture of us having sex on the balcony? [Monica Geller] Please, could you just try it for me? Come on, I used all my best stuff! I-I-I lit some candles. I put on some music. I used bath salts, plus bubble bath! And got you this little plastic Navy ship. So it's a boy bath! [Chandler Bing] Well, this does butch it up a bit. [Monica Geller] I swear, if you try it, you will love it! [Chandler Bing] All right, if I do this, can we at least discuss sex on the balcony? [Monica Geller] Absolutely. [Monica Geller] Bet I know how that discussion's going to go. [Chandler Bing] All right, this isn't so bad. I like the flower smell! Which is okay, because I've got my boat. [Monica Geller] So? [Chandler Bing] Oh my God. [Monica Geller] I told you you were a bath person! Hey, when you get out, maybe I can give you a facial! [Chandler Bing] I'm going to need a bigger boat. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] I don't think you had an open mind about the name Ruth. I mean, come on, little Ruthie Geller, how-how cute is that? [Rachel Green] Oh, oh my God! I can practically hear the mahjong tiles! [Dr. Long] Okay! All your tests look fine. Now, are you two interested in knowing the sex of the baby? [Ross Geller] Uh, no. No, we're not. [Rachel Green] But you have it right there in that file? You could tell us whether it's a boy or a girl? Dayton or Sandrine? Phoebe or Phoebo? [Dr. Long] That's right. But if you don't want to know... [Ross Geller] No, no, we want to wait, right? [Rachel Green] Right. Right. [Dr. Long] Oh, I'll be right back. And, uh, I know it's really not my place, but please don't name your child Phoebo. [Rachel Green] So, which of these babies do you think is the ugliest? [Ross Geller] What? Rach! Come on, that's terrible! They're...uh...they're babies. They're-they're all beautiful. [Rachel Green] Third one from the left? [Ross Geller] Yeah, why is it staring at me? I think it knows I'm talking about it. Don't-don't you-Wh-Wha-Hey!! [Rachel Green] What?! [Ross Geller] You're looking! [Rachel Green] I didn't! [Ross Geller] I saw you! [Rachel Green] Okay fine, I did. But I didn't see anything, I swear. [Ross Geller] Shame on you! Ugly baby judges you! [Rachel Green] Okay, but Ross just listen to me... [Ross Geller] No, no, no, no! Don't tell me! I don't want to know! [Rachel Green] But I couldn't even if I wanted to, because I don't know! I swear; I didn't see anything, and I don't want to know! It was just a momentary lapse. [Ross Geller] Momentary lapse. Don't-don't you have any self-control? [Rachel Green] Okay, a couple months late on the lecture, Ross. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hello? [Chandler Bing] I'm in the bathroom, can you come in here? I think there's something wrong. [Monica Geller] You know what? I-I think I'll wait out here. [Chandler Bing] I'm in the bathtub. [Monica Geller] Oh. What's wrong? [Chandler Bing] I drew my own bath, but I did it wrong! The water's tepid. The salt didn't dissolve and is now... lodged places. And the scents I used don't compliment each other. Eucalyptus and chamomile-Oh! [Monica Geller] What? [Chandler Bing] The bath salts! They're starting to effervesce! It's different. It's interesting. [Monica Geller] Okay, let's talk about something else. [Chandler Bing] Yeah! Sure, sure. So, what was going on with you today? Oh-oh-oh! [Monica Geller] Well, I actually had the weirdest conversation with Joey. He was talking about rules and right and wrong and... [Chandler Bing] I had the exact same conversation. [Monica Geller] You did? What was he talking about? [Chandler Bing] I don't know! Joey hasn't had this much trouble getting out words since we saw him in Macbeth! [Monica Geller] That was a long night. [Chandler Bing] All right, let's break this down. What exactly did he say to you? [Monica Geller] Okay, he was talking about rules. [Chandler Bing] Uh-huh. [Monica Geller] Umm, and looking at people differently. [Chandler Bing] He didn't say anything about that to me. [Monica Geller] What did he tell you? [Chandler Bing] He was asking all these questions about you, me, and London. And, of course the glue that holds this all together, the rules. [Monica Geller] Okay. So you, me and London. Looking at people differently. Maybe he wants to do what you and I did in London with someone. [Chandler Bing] But what did he mean by rules? [Monica Geller] Wait a minute! He stopped talking the minute Phoebe came in! [Chandler Bing] Because he was looking at her differently. [Monica Geller] And Phoebe is his friend, so he thinks that would be breaking the rules! [Chandler Bing] My God! He wants to do it with Phoebe in London! [Phoebe Buffay] You guys? [Monica Geller] Just a minute! That's Mrs. Tribbiani! [Chandler Bing] You don't say anything. [Monica Geller] Why would I say anything? That two of our best friends could start the greatest love affair of their lives! And they would have me to thank, and we could all start having babies? [Chandler Bing] I'm not going to let you say anything. [Monica Geller] You just stay here! [Chandler Bing] Oh, God! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, hey, Monica, I brought back your iron. [Monica Geller] Oh, you had that? [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh. [Monica Geller] I thought I lost it. I got a new one, like, a month ago. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, just as well, I broke this one. [Phoebe Buffay] What? [Monica Geller] Nothing. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Monica Geller] I mean, I-I, I really shouldn't say. I mean, I'm really not supposed to. [Phoebe Buffay] Fine. [Monica Geller] It's a humdinger! [Phoebe Buffay] Then it's really too bad that you can't tell me. [Monica Geller] Somebody likes you! [Phoebe Buffay] Is it Chandler? [Monica Geller] No! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, then tell him to stop staring! [Monica Geller] It's Joey! [Phoebe Buffay] Really?! Joey?! You don't say. [Monica Geller] Is it something you'd be interested in? [Phoebe Buffay] I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. You know, I mean, on the one hand, Mother may I? But y'know on the other hand... No. No, I can't. We're friends. No, oh, no. I don't want to risk what we have. [Monica Geller] I guess that makes sense. So, you think you're going to talk to him? [Phoebe Buffay] Sure, yeah. I mean, it's Joey. I don't want him to get hurt. Well, I must say, I am on fire! First Chandler, now Joey! [Monica Geller] Not Chandler, just Joey. [Phoebe Buffay] Sure. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey. [Ross Geller] Hey. [Rachel Green] You know what? I've been thinking about it. I'm really coming around on the name Ruth. I think I would actually consider naming our child that. [Ross Geller] Rach, I-I can't tell you how-how much that means to me! Ohh... Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You-you hated the name Ruth! Why-why would you change your mind? Unless, you know we're never going to have to use it. You did see the folder. You know it's a boy! [Rachel Green] I didn't see anything! I actually changed my mind about the name. [Ross Geller] I don't think so! You're just giving me Ruth so you'll get to name it when it's a boy, and that's when you'll swoop in and name him Heath or Blaine or Sequoia. [Rachel Green] I would-Sequoia? [Ross Geller] Veto. [Rachel Green] Fine. [Ross Geller] Unless... You anticipated that I would figure all this out and you know that it actually is a girl, and you really do want her to be named Ruth! Well, I'm not falling for that! Okay? Ruth is off the table! [Rachel Green] But Ross, you want the name Ruth! [Ross Geller] Not like this! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. Well, what's up? [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, Joey, I know. [Joey Tribbiani] What? [Phoebe Buffay] I knooow. [Joey Tribbiani] Whaaat? [Phoebe Buffay] I know about your feelings. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God. You do? [Phoebe Buffay] Yes, and I'm sorry. I-I know things worked out for Chandler and Monica, but that's very rare. [Joey Tribbiani] I know. I know. And this is so much more complicated than it was for those guys. I mean, it's Rachel for God sakes. [Phoebe Buffay] For God sakes, it's Rachel! [Joey Tribbiani] I know. I know. And she's not only my friend; she's my pregnant friend! She's my pregnant friend who's Ross' ex! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah that's Rachel. Beat me over the head with it. [Joey Tribbiani] What am I going to do? You know, and I keep, I keep trying to get rid of these feelings, y'know? I stayed up all last night and made a list of everything I don't like about her. You want to hear it? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] She made me switch to light Mayo. That's it! That's all I got! And, you know what? It tastes the same and my pants fit better! [Phoebe Buffay] Joey, I just think you're getting worked up over nothing. This is probably just a crush. [Joey Tribbiani] You think? [Phoebe Buffay] Absolutely! Y'know, you get this rush of feelings, but then it goes away. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, just a crush! That's all this is! It's a crush! I'm Joey; I don't get deep feelings. [Phoebe Buffay] That's right, there you go! Crushes happen all the time! I know I've had them for all you guys. Well, except for Ross and Chandler. And I'm sure you've had them for us. [Joey Tribbiani] Not really. [Phoebe Buffay] Mm-hmm. Throw me a bone here. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] So, I uh... I called the doctor and now we both know the sex of the baby. [Rachel Green] What? [Ross Geller] That's right. The student has become the master. [Rachel Green] Ross, I swear, I don't know. [Ross Geller] Oh, come on, you know it's a girl! [Rachel Green] A what?! [Ross Geller] You really didn't know? [Rachel Green] We're having a girl? [Ross Geller] No. [Rachel Green] That's what you just said! [Ross Geller] No. [Rachel Green] You said girl! [Ross Geller] Yes. I'm... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. [Rachel Green] I'm not! We're having a girl! Sometimes I can't believe it's with you-But still! We're having a girl! [Ross Geller] I know! I know. You know what? I'm putting Ruth back on the table! [Rachel Green] Oh, yes! We'll have ourselves a little baby Ruth... [Ross Geller] Permission to veto. [Rachel Green] Yes, please. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey. [Chandler Bing] Do I smell essential oils? [Monica Geller] Yeah, I'm going to take a bath. I'm just going to get a magazine. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] What do you think you're doing? [Chandler Bing] L-leaving my troubles behind? [Monica Geller] I know that you're new at this, but this is completely unacceptable bath decorum. [Chandler Bing] Oh, it's so hard to care when you're this relaxed. [Monica Geller] Fine, you can have the bath, but I am taking your boat. Now you're just a girl in a tub! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hi, Bubbles. Manly. Well, I just thought I would drop by and let you know how it went with Joey. [Chandler Bing] You told her?! [Monica Geller] She pulled it out of me! She's like a conversational wizard! How'd it go? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, you were wrong, he doesn't like me! [Monica Geller] What? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah! How would you like it if I sent you to Lee Majors' house and told you that he liked you, and you went down there and you found out that he didn't like you? How would you feel? [Monica Geller] I don't think I'd care. [Phoebe Buffay] Really? Lee Majors is hot! [Joey Tribbiani] Hello? [Phoebe Buffay] We're in the bathroom! [Joey Tribbiani] Why? [Chandler Bing] Because it's a relaxing and enjoyable time! [Joey Tribbiani] What are you guys doing in here? [Monica Geller] Oh my God! A friend he's looking at differently, but it's wrong. It's Rachel! [Chandler Bing] You like Rachel?! [Joey Tribbiani] It's no big deal, okay? Phoebe and I talked about it. It's just a crush! It's going to go away! Dude, you gotta rearrange your bubbles! Oh! [Phoebe Buffay] Mazel tov. [Rachel Green] Hey! Ross and I were looking for you! What are we all doing in here? Oh, my! [Monica Geller] Honey, cover it up with the boat! [Ross Geller] Hello? [Chandler Bing] Yes we're all in here and we would love for you to join us! [Ross Geller] Well hey! What's going on? Ooh, cool boat--Oh, no. Hey, did you, did you tell them? [Rachel Green] No, I was waiting for you! [Phoebe Buffay] Tell us what? [Rachel Green] We're having a girl. [#ALL#] Oh, wow! Yay! Wow! Hooray! Oh, man! [Chandler Bing] I'll...I'll get you later! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] All right. It's a new day, and it's just a crush, that's all! Just a little crush! All that worrying I was doing, that was crazy. Crazy! Like my friend here the bird would say, "it was cuckoo!" Everything's going to be fine. It's just a crush. [Rachel Green] Hi, sweetie. [Joey Tribbiani] I love you. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] It sure is nice to do this together, isn't it? [Chandler Bing] Yeah. And what you're doing feels so good. [Monica Geller] I'm not touching you. [Chandler Bing] You're not? [Monica Geller] It's the salts. [Chandler Bing] Oh, sweet Lord. New realms of pleasure! [Monica Geller] Whatever keeps you off the balcony, big guy!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e13", "title": "The One Where Chandler Takes a Bath"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Secret Closet [Monica Geller] Hey, what's up? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I left my guitar here again. [Monica Geller] Oh, okay. No problem. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. [Monica Geller] Here you go. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Great! Umm... [Monica Geller] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] So do you want to hang out or something? [Monica Geller] Phoebe! You kinda caught me at a bad time. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh are you and Chandler... [Monica Geller] Yes! Exactly. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Do you guys want me to play for you? [Monica Geller] No. [Chandler Bing] Hey Pheebs, what's up? [Phoebe Buffay] You ask an intriguing question Chandler Bing. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! You're getting a massage! You never let me massage you!! [Monica Geller] Phoebe, I can explain! [Phoebe Buffay] You told me you hate massages! [Chandler Bing] Buy stamps, pick up dry cleaning...Don't let Phoebe in. [Phoebe Buffay] I can't believe this! How long as this been going on? [Monica Geller] Well umm, Alexandra has been... [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, it has a name? [Monica Geller] Phoebe, don't get upset! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay-Oop! Too late! I'm leaving! Come on Chandler let's go! [Chandler Bing] Well, Phoebe I thought I'd--Yeah, what the hell. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Oh okay, okay! One more push! One more push! Come on honey, we're almost there! We're almost there! [Rachel Green] Oh Joey, I'm so happy things worked out for us that we're having this baby together. I love you so much. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I love you too. [Rachel Green] And I hope it's not an inappropriate time to say this but, you're the best sex I ever had. [Joey Tribbiani] That's always appropriate! Oh, okay. One more push! One more push! [Doctor] Oh, here is your beautiful baby. Congratulations! [Ross Geller] I hope you're a better father than you're a friend!! [Rachel Green] Joey! Joey! [Joey Tribbiani] What? What's going on? [Rachel Green] Come feel this! Come feel my belly! [Joey Tribbiani] Aaaah... [Rachel Green] Joey! The baby is kicking for the first time! Will you please come feel this?! [Joey Tribbiani] Really?! [Rachel Green] Yes! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, y'know what? Maybe uh, you...you should come to me. I'm a not, I'm not wearing any bottoms. [Rachel Green] Oh, okay! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my, oh my God! [Rachel Green] Aw, it's unbelievable! Wow! She is kicking so much! Oh, she's like umm...oh...who's that kind of annoying girl soccer player? [Joey Tribbiani] Mia Hamm? [Rachel Green] Mia Hamm! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh that's amazing. [Rachel Green] Oh-oh!! One hand on the sheet Joe! [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa-hey-oh! Sorry! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey babe. [Monica Geller] Hi honey. We just got a wedding gift from Bob and Faye Bing; they don't like us do they? [Chandler Bing] Who says you can't get a nice punch bowl for under six bucks? Maybe we can take it back? [Monica Geller] No, it doesn't say where it came from. Where would we return it? [Chandler Bing] How about to the street say from the balcony? [Monica Geller] Why don't we just find a place for it? [Chandler Bing] Okay. How about in that cabinet? [Monica Geller] No! That's where we keep the canned goods! Have you completely forgotten everything you learned at orientation? [Chandler Bing] How about the closet by the bathroom? [Monica Geller] Oh, okay. Here, why don't you let me do it? [Chandler Bing] Oh no-no-no, I will do it. Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once and awhile. It's locked, you have to help me. Why is it locked? [Monica Geller] No reason. I-I keep private things in there. [Chandler Bing] Oh y'know, I've been living here a while and I've never seen what's inside that closet. What is, what is in there? [Monica Geller] Feminine stuff. [Chandler Bing] Don't try to make me uncomfortable with feminine stuff! [Monica Geller] Chandler, there is nothing in there that concerns you! If you love me you-you'll let it go. [Chandler Bing] Fine. [Monica Geller] Thank you! [Chandler Bing] Love you. [Phoebe Buffay] Hello Chandler, lovely day huh? You! [Chandler Bing] Phoebe if it helps Alexandra has only been massaging Monica for like three years. If! I said, "If it helps!" [Phoebe Buffay] Why won't you let me massage you? [Monica Geller] Well it's...I mean I'd just-I'd be self-conscious. You're my friend; I'd be naked. [Phoebe Buffay] Monica! We lived together for years! I've seen you naked! [Monica Geller] That's different, we were roommates! And when?! [Phoebe Buffay] I'm curious about the human body. [Monica Geller] Hey, come on Phoebe, you can understand why this would be weird for me. [Phoebe Buffay] But I'm a professional! And I'm really good! Look, if you're uncomfortable we can stop. Just give me a chance, okay. Please? [Monica Geller] Okay, if it means that much to you... [Phoebe Buffay] It does! How would you feel if you couldn't share your cooking? Or-or imagine how Ross would feel if he couldn't teach us about dragons. [Monica Geller] Dinosaurs. [Phoebe Buffay] Potato, potaato. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Ross! The baby's kicking! [Ross Geller] What?! It is?! [Rachel Green] It's not kicking right now. Although we would love to see you do that again. [Ross Geller] Hey, when-when was it kicking? What happened? [Rachel Green] Last night! I just felt it and I went into Joey's room and he was sleeping... [Joey Tribbiani] A dreamless sleep. [Ross Geller] My God, the baby's kicking. That's great. Although I...kinda wish I-I would've been there to feel the kicking for the first time y'know. [Joey Tribbiani] Well I got stuff going on in here if you wanna feel. [Ross Geller] Look, I-I don't want to miss anymore baby stuff. So...Here. Here's my new pager number, okay? Anytime anything pregnancy related happens use it! I'll be there! Okay? I don't care if it's three in the morning and all you want is ice cream. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! Can I get a copy of that? --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Are you under the sheet? [Monica Geller] Yes. [Phoebe Buffay] Great, let's begin. How's the pressure? [Monica Geller] Nice! Wow Phoebe you are good! [Phoebe Buffay] Stating the obvious, but thank you. And it's not weird is it. [Monica Geller] No. Ooohh... [Phoebe Buffay] That's right, you just enjoy. [Monica Geller] Oh. Oh yeah! Ohhhhh! Ohh! Oh yeah! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Monica Geller] Oh God Phoebe!! Oh that's it! That's it! Right there! Oh! Ooooh-oooh-ooooh... --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] I wasn't trying to open your closet! I wasn't trying to open your closet! I swear! [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa, Monica runs a pretty tight ship over here. What are you doing? [Chandler Bing] Monica has a secret closet and she won't let me see what's in it. [Joey Tribbiani] Why not? [Chandler Bing] I don't know! What could she possibly be hiding in here that I can't see?! [Joey Tribbiani] I don't know. Ooh, I bet it's Richard. [Chandler Bing] Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here? [Joey Tribbiani] Well off the top of my head uhh, maybe she's having her cake and eating it too. You being the cake and Richard being the too. Or! [Chandler Bing] And here we go... [Joey Tribbiani] I saw this movie once where there was a door and no one knew what was behind it, and when they finally got it open millions and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out and they feasted on human flesh. Y'know it wouldn't kill ya to respect your wife's privacy! Stupid closet full of bugs! [Rachel Green] Joey. Joey, something feels weird and not good weird. I don't-Whoa!! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh hey whoa-whoa, don't worry. Okay. When my sisters were pregnant they got every weird feeling in the book, it was always nothing. [Rachel Green] Really? [Joey Tribbiani] Absolutely. But, we're gonna stop by the hospital just to be sure, okay? I'll page Ross on the way. Come on. [Rachel Green] Okay. Oh God-Ow!-Oo! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay Rach-Rach-Rach look at me, look at me, everything's gonna be fine, trust me. Okay. Take my hand. Here we go. Oww crushing bones! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! So? [Dr. Long] She's fine. She's experiencing Braxton-Hicks contractions, mild discomfort caused by contractions in the uterine wall. [Rachel Green] Hmm, mild discomfort. So I take it you've had one of these Braxton thingies? [Joey Tribbiani] So but everything is normal. [Dr. Long] Absolutely. [Joey Tribbiani] And-and there's no danger to her and the baby? [Dr. Long] No-no. Contractions can be unnerving if you don't know what they are, but she's fine. [Rachel Green] Thank you doctor. Oh thank you for being so nice and calm. [Joey Tribbiani] Calm?! I wasn't calm! I've never been more scared in all my life! [Rachel Green] But wait you said everything was gonna be okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Well what do I know?! I'm not a doctor! [Rachel Green] But I-But everything is okay. I'm fine! [Joey Tribbiani] You sure?! [Rachel Green] Yes! Yes! I got half a mind to contract that doctor's uterus though. Mild discomfort, what's he talking about? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh hey-hey! [Ross Geller] Is everything okay? [Rachel Green] Yeah, everything's fine! [Ross Geller] Your page said come to the hospital, what? What was it? What happened? [Joey Tribbiani] Something called Braxton-Hicks contractions. [Ross Geller] Oh. Oh. Thank God, most women don't even feel them. [Rachel Green] Okay, no uterus, no opinion. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey uh, what's with the candy? [Ross Geller] Oh when you beeped me I was on line at the concession stand at the movie theater. [Rachel Green] Oh you went to the movies by yourself? [Ross Geller] No I-Mona! [Rachel Green] Oh, I gotta go back in there. [Ross Geller] What? Why? What's wrong? [Rachel Green] No, everything's fine. I just gotta go back... [Ross Geller] No really, you tell me what's up. [Rachel Green] I-I forgot my underwear. [Ross Geller] So, thanks so much for bringing her to the hospital. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh hey, don't worry about it man. Don't worry about it, no big deal. [Ross Geller] Yeah but still, I mean it should've been me. I'm the dad. [Dr. Long] Uh, if you have any questions, here's some information on Braxton-Hicks. Oh and by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in. You're gonna make a wonderful father. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh uh, hey. Not as good as this guy! He brought Twizlers! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] There has got to be a way! [Joey Tribbiani] Easy there Captain Kirk. Oh, do you have a bobby pin? [Chandler Bing] Yeah. Oh no wait, I'm not an nine-year-old girl. [Joey Tribbiani] Then why do you throw like one? [Chandler Bing] Maybe Monica has a bobby pin. [Joey Tribbiani] Sure. "Monica." [Chandler Bing] So, how's the hideously inappropriate crush on Rachel coming? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. Wow, you sure found that quick. I just-I wish I didn't feel this way about Rachel anymore, y'know? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think...I think Ross feels left out. Y'know? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God... You should've seen the look on Ross's face. By the way, I have no idea what I'm doing here. For all I know I'm just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card? [Chandler Bing] That's a good idea. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] Okay. So uh, Ross is kinda bummed huh? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I just...I feel terrible. [Chandler Bing] Well, it's not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Y'know? You're doing nothing wrong. Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. Richard? If-if you're in there, could you pass me my credit card? --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. [Monica Geller] I gotta tell you, yesterday was amazing. That massage felt so good! [Phoebe Buffay] No-no, I got that. [Monica Geller] So umm, what do you say we make it a weekly appointment? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Okay but you should know though, I've raised my rates to $200 an hour. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] I mean $500. [Monica Geller] What? [Phoebe Buffay] 600. [Monica Geller] What's going on? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, you make sex noises when you get massaged! [Monica Geller] What? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, and it really freaked me out! And after a while I even tried to hurt you and it just spurred you on. [Monica Geller] What?! You're crazy! There's nothing sexual about the noises I make! [Phoebe Buffay] Really? There's nothing sexual about this? Oooh. Oo God! Ohh. Ohhhh. Ohh. What are you looking at?! I mean hi. [Monica Geller] Oh my-This is so embarrassing. Oh my God, I'm never gonna get massaged again! [Phoebe Buffay] No, you can't let this stop you from getting massages! No look, I have, I have lots of clients that make the same noises you do! [Monica Geller] Really?! [Phoebe Buffay] Well not clients, lovers. But let's just y'know, try it again. Come back and-and we'll work through it. [Monica Geller] Are you sure? [Phoebe Buffay] Yes. [Monica Geller] I guess. [Phoebe Buffay] Great! Okay, if you'll just excuse me. So, did you hear something you liked? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hey Ross! Check it out! I learned a new trick! [Ross Geller] Hey uh, I brought you some lunch. [Rachel Green] Ohh! That's so sweet of you! Oh yum! Did you put pickles on this? [Ross Geller] Well yeah! [Rachel Green] Oh Ross!! [Ross Geller] What?! What?! Rach what?! [Joey Tribbiani] What's going on? [Ross Geller] I made her favorite, tuna salad with pickles. [Joey Tribbiani] Pickle? Pickles make her sick. Giving her pickles is like giving me salad. [Ross Geller] I-I'm sorry Rach, I didn't know. Are you gonna be okay? [Rachel Green] Yeah, I'll be fine. But could someone please make sure that sandwich is gone when I get out there? [Joey Tribbiani] I'm on it! [Ross Geller] I can't believe this! I shouldn't be the one making her throw up! [Joey Tribbiani] Dude relax! It could happen to anyone. [Ross Geller] Yeah? Not to you, because you know this stuff. I don't know any of it and I'm the father. I wish I'd be more involved y'know. [Rachel Green] Well, if anyone is keeping score, I no longer eat tuna. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey uh, can I, can I talk to you guys for a second? [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Rachel Green] What's up? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, sit down. I wanna talk about our situation. [Rachel Green] Are you breaking up with us? [Joey Tribbiani] The thing is...'cause I live with Rachel I'm here for a lot of the stuff, okay? And Ross...Ross is missing everything. So... [Rachel Green] Yeah? [Joey Tribbiani] Maybe you two should live together. [Rachel Green] Are you asking me to move out? Do you not want me here? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh no-no, no-no I love living with you. It just seems that...if you're gonna have a roommate, y'know it might as well be the father. [Rachel Green] But Joey, I don't think Ross wants me to move into his apartment and disrupt his life like that. I mean--Or he does. [Ross Geller] No I-I-I would love to be around for you and the baby. And we-we can just try it like on a temporary basis. [Rachel Green] But Ross, its you and me! [Ross Geller] So? Sure! But it-it wouldn't be anything romantic. And I'm-I'm dating Mona-Damnit Mona! I was supposed to meet her like an hour ago! What is wrong with me?! [Joey Tribbiani] All right now, so? What do you think? [Rachel Green] I don't know. Is it crazy? [Ross Geller] No! No it's not. Joey, this is a smart idea. [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I was due. [Rachel Green] Okay, let's do it. I'll move in. [Ross Geller] Really? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Oh Rach that's great. That's great. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Not to shabby, I got this all off myself...using my wife's tools. Oh my God! [Monica Geller] How did you get in there?! [Chandler Bing] You're messy. [Monica Geller] Oh no! You weren't supposed to see this! [Chandler Bing] I married Fred Sanford! [Monica Geller] No Chandler, you don't understand! Okay! Okay! Okay! Fine! Now you know. Okay? I'm y'know...I'm sick. [Chandler Bing] No, honey you're not sick! Look, I don't love you because you're organized, I love you in spite of that. [Monica Geller] Really? You promise you won't tell anyone? [Chandler Bing] Yes! And look, now that I know if I got some extra stuff lying around can we, can we share the closet. [Monica Geller] Well...it's just umm...I'm afraid you might mess it up. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Chandler Bing] So Rachel's all moved out huh? How are you taking it? [Joey Tribbiani] Well uh, I wanted to have a few beers, but uh, I got rid of those because Rachel couldn't stand the smell of them. But I have thrown back a lot of orange juice with calcium though. And uh, it's a couple weeks past it's expiration date, so it's got a bit of a kick. [Chandler Bing] Are you okay? [Joey Tribbiani] Are you kidding me? I'm great! Yeah, I'm uh; I'm better than great. I am good. And now that she's gone, I can uh, I can do all this stuff around here that I couldn't do before. Y'know? Like umm, I can walk around naked again. Y'know? I can uh, I can watch porn in the living room. Right? This is uh, this is good for me. Y'know? I like being on my own, I'm uh, better off this way. I'm uh, a lone wolf. Y'know? A loner. Alone. All alone. Forever. What's a wolf got to do to get a huh around here?! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Ohhh. [Phoebe Buffay] That's it. Just relax. [Monica Geller] Ohh. Oh! Ohh! [Phoebe Buffay] Come on more! [Monica Geller] Oh God! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, you like that don't you? [Monica Geller] Oh yeah right there! [Phoebe Buffay] You want it there? You take it there baby! [Monica Geller] Uh Phoebe? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, say my name. Say it! And now I'm going to cover you back up, and umm we're never doing this again.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e14", "title": "The One With The Secret Closet"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Birthing Video [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Hey, Rach! [Rachel Green] Hi! Hey, Happy Valentine's Day! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, you, too. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, so, uh, how's it going living over at Ross'? [Rachel Green] It's good. Except he makes us watch the Discovery Channel all day long. Did you know that something really boring happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages? Oh, thank you. I'll see you guys later. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Bye. [Joey Tribbiani] There's one lucky to-go cup of coffee. [Phoebe Buffay] Honey, I wish you would get over her. I hate seeing you like this. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want to look down my top? [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks. But maybe later. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, Gunther, can I get a scone? [Gunther] You want anything? [Joey Tribbiani] You know what I want? I want a lot of things! I want to be with the woman I love on Valentine's Day! And I want her to love me back! And I want just one moment of relief from the gut-wrenching pain of knowing that that's never going to happen! [Gunther] We have red bagels. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, okay. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] So, how does Mona feel about you and Rachel living together? [Ross Geller] Oh, I'm actually on my way to tell her right now. Yeah, she's been away all week visiting her parents, but she'll be cool. I mean, she's been so supportive. She-she even got the baby a tiny T-shirt that says, 'Fossils are my friends.' [Phoebe Buffay] Ugh. Come on, Mona, don't kiss ass. [Ross Geller] Uh, I'm going to take off. [Phoebe Buffay] All right. Oh! Shoot! Oh shoot! Uh, Rachel wanted to see this tape! [Ross Geller] What is it? [Phoebe Buffay] It's a video of my friend giving birth. Could you just bring it back to your apartment? [Ross Geller] All right. 'Candy and Cookie?' [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. Candy's the mother, Cookie's the daughter. The father's also Cookie. Why am I friends with these people? [Monica Geller] Phoebe, c'mere. I want to show you something in the bathroom. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, Monica, grow up! [Ross Geller] Hey, what's behind your back? [Monica Geller] Nothing. Just something I want to get Phoebe's opinion on for Valentine's Day. [Ross Geller] You don't want my opinion? [Monica Geller] Not really. [Ross Geller] Come on, I'm your older brother, ask me! [Monica Geller] All right, big brother. Which of these do you think would make your little sister look hotter, so your best friend would want to do her? [Ross Geller] The red one. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Hey. Look, I know you've been really depressed lately, so I brought someone over to cheer you up. Right outside this door is a real, live, furry playmate. [Joey Tribbiani] No, I'm not sleeping with your friend Jane again. [Phoebe Buffay] He-hee! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! A dog! Hi! Who, you got to admit, looks a lot like Jane. [Phoebe Buffay] This is the happiest dog in the world. I borrowed him from my friend Wendy. Now, you can only keep him until he cheers you up. And he will cheer you up! [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks so much, Pheebs! We are going to have so much fun, yes we are! Oh! Not that kind of fun. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Happy Valentine's! [Monica Geller] Okay! I'll be right out. I'm slipping into something a little less comfortable, and a little more slutty. [Chandler Bing] 'Candy and Cookie'. 'Candy and Cookie?' Monica got me porn?! Girl-on-girl porn?! She really must love me!! [Man On Tv] Yeah, just relax. [Chandler Bing] I love you, St. Valentine. [Chandler Bing] Woah, woah, that's not pretty! [Man On Tv] Now, push! [Woman On Tv] Ow! Ow! Ooh! That hurts! [Chandler Bing] Worst porn ever! Worst porn ever! [Woman On Tv] Ohhh! Make it stop! [Chandler Bing] I am trying! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Get the ball, ready? Get the ball, get the ball! Well, you're cute, but you're not too smart! [Joey Tribbiani] Did I just throw this? [Rachel Green] Hi. [Joey Tribbiani] Hi. [Rachel Green] I accidentally packed these with my stuff. Who is this? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, that's, uh, that's Phoebe's friend's dog. I don't know what his real name is, but I call him Mozzarella. [Rachel Green] Oh, well, you are so cute! I wish I could play with you more, but I've got to go to work! I hope I stop talking like this before my marketing meeting, yes I do. Yes I do. Bye-bye, Joey. Oh, I seriously can't stop it. [Joey Tribbiani] C'mere. Hey. C'mere. That's Rachel. She's the one who used to live here. Might as well be honest with you-we love her. But we can't have her. I really miss her. Well, hey, you understand, right? You're a guy. Well, you used to be. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] So what do you think? [Monica Geller] I've still got it! [Chandler Bing] Why did you get me this? [Monica Geller] What is it? [Chandler Bing] It's yelling...bleeding...dilating. Oh, the dilating... [Monica Geller] Is this the video of the baby being born? Sweetie, this is Phoebe's. Why were you even watching it? [Chandler Bing] I thought...maybe...you got me porn for Valentine's Day. [Monica Geller] Chandler, if you thought I was going to get you porn for Valentine's Day... you were right! Apparently, it's about a young girl who moves to the big city, you know, in search of stardom, but ends up having sex with a lot of guys! Yeah, it got four starts! Oh, wait a minute. Those aren't stars. Anyway, you want to take a look? [Chandler Bing] Well, I'm not really in a sexy mood right now. [Monica Geller] Honey, what's going on? [Chandler Bing] Well, remember the first time we saw Jaws? [Monica Geller] Mm-hmm. [Chandler Bing] How long it took to go back in the water? [Monica Geller] Chandler, we can't let this tape wreck Valentine's Day! [Chandler Bing] You don't know. You didn't see it. [Monica Geller] Child-birth, it's a natural thing! It's beautiful. [Chandler Bing] Oh, beautiful? Really? Beautiful? You think this is beautiful? [Monica Geller] Oh! Oh, my God! No wonder my mother hates me! [Chandler Bing] See, honey, there's- [Monica Geller] Don't touch me! --------------------------------------- [Mona] Hi! [Ross Geller] Hey! So, how was Atlantic City? [Mona] Good. [Ross Geller] Yeah? [Mona] I brought you back a present. [Ross Geller] Wha-? Oh, come on. You didn't have to-saltwater taffy?! Thanks! This is interesting. You know, most people think this is made with sea water, but it's actually made with, uh, salted fresh water. That's not interesting. [Mona] I think it's interesting. [Ross Geller] I do too! I missed you! [Mona] I missed you, too! So, how was your week? [Ross Geller] Oh, it was good! It was good. Actually, the baby started kicking! [Mona] How exciting! [Ross Geller] Yeah! I know! It was. Oh... the only sad thing is I wasn't around when it happened for the first time. [Mona] Oh no. [Ross Geller] Yeah, I'm missing out on all this other stuff, too. So, Joey suggested Rachel move in with me. [Mona] Yeah right! [Ross Geller] What? [Mona] Joey cracks me up! It's like, 'Yeah, why don't you have your ex-wife move in with you? That wouldn't be awkward at all!' [Ross Geller] Huh...uh-huh. [Mona] Huh, could you imagine. I go away for a few days, and come back, and my boyfriend is living with some woman he got pregnant! [Mona] So, what'd you tell him? [Ross Geller] Just a second! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] How could you not tell Mona that Rachel is living with you? [Ross Geller] I don't know, she seemed to think it was such a crazy idea! Um, plus, she, uh, she got me taffy! [Phoebe Buffay] Taffy, really? I've never had any. [Ross Geller] Ever?! [Phoebe Buffay] Well, I think my mother was too busy planning her suicide to provide saltwater treats. Thank you! So what, you're just never going to tell her? [Ross Geller] Oh, no, no, no, I will! I just want to butter her up, first! You know, I'm going to take her to an amazing Valentine's dinner. Do all this romantic stuff, and then, just when she thinks I'm the best boyfriend in the world, then I'm going to tell her that my pregnant ex-girlfriend is living with me. [Phoebe Buffay] she's a lucky, lucky lady! So, where are you going to-what the mother of crap is up with this stuff? Oh, God. Is it gum, is it food? What's the deal? Oh, it's nice! May I try a pink one? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] So, between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross, it just isn't going to happen. It would be like you falling in love with a cat. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey, buddy. How's my favorite dog, huh? How's my favorite dog? You're subdued. Did you give him a beer? [Joey Tribbiani] No. [Phoebe Buffay] Will you excuse us, we need to talk for a moment. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, sure. Go ahead. Oh, me, right! [Phoebe Buffay] He's miserable! What happened to him? [Joey Tribbiani] Nothing. We just talked about stuff. [Phoebe Buffay] What stuff? [Joey Tribbiani] Rachel stuff. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh...Joey, you bummed him out! This was the happiest dog in the world, and he spends half a day with you, and look at him! [Joey Tribbiani] He's breathing! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, I'm going to take him back to Wendy's. [Joey Tribbiani] No, no, no, no! He's fine! Look, look, look! Here's your ball! Get your ball! Get your ball! Get your ball! My God, what have I done to you, huh? I broke the dog! Pheebs, I broke the dog! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Well, I'm, uh, going to pick up Mona. What have you got going tonight? [Rachel Green] Oh, I've got big Valentine's plans! I've got my Chinese food on the way, and the rest of your saltwater taffy! [Ross Geller] Y'know, it's interesting! Most people think that's made with seawater, when in fact- [Rachel Green] Ross, we actually watched the documentary together. [Rachel Green] Ooh! My Chinese food! Let me get my cash! [Ross Geller] Mona? What are-hi! What are you doing here? I'm, um, supposed to pick you up! [Mona] Change of plans, I made you a special Valentine's dinner! Surprise! [Ross Geller] Ayyyayyyy! [Rachel Green] Oh, hey, Mona! [Mona] Hi! Hi. Hi, Rachel! What's she doing here? [Ross Geller] I have no idea! [Rachel Green] I'll be watching TV if anybody needs me. [Mona] Seriously, what is she doing? [Ross Geller] Uh...lately, she just likes hanging out here. [Mona] Why? [Ross Geller] I think she's lonely. [Mona] Okay, but it's Valentine's Day! [Ross Geller] I know. [Mona] Can't we just ask her to go? [Ross Geller] No, no. She's way to emotional. And by emotional I mean crazy. [Rachel Green] I'm not here! That's just my Chinese food! [Mona] Oh, my God! She has food delivered here? [Ross Geller] Mm-hmm. She's-she's emotional, but, but ballsy. [Rachel Green] You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to get in my sweats, and eat this in bed! [Ross Geller] And you thought she was going to be in our way! So, why don't you, uh, open the champagne, and I'll be right back. I've got a surprise for you. [Mona] You got another ex-wife back there? [Ross Geller] Please start drinking! [Rachel Green] I'm just going to grab the phone. [Mona] Oh, Rachel! Wait! Hey, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but, but, um... what are you doing? [Rachel Green] Oh, I'm sorry! Do you need the phone? [Mona] No, no. Listen, Ross is too nice to say anything, but this is his apartment, and, and, we gotta have some boundaries, so why don't you go back to your place and give us some privacy? [Rachel Green] But, but, Mona, I live here. [Ross Geller] Happy Valentine's Day! ...Or something to remember me by. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] How long has it been this time? [Chandler Bing] 90 seconds. [Monica Geller] That's better. 90 seconds is a long time not to think about it...except all I did was think about it. [Chandler Bing] You know, it haunts me? Up 'til now, the worst thing I ever saw, was my father doing tequila shots off the naked houseboy. After this, I would gladly make that my screensaver! [Monica Geller] Okay, well, we have to get past this! Why don't we get rid of the tape and pretend it never existed? [Chandler Bing] I can do that. [Monica Geller] Okay. [Chandler Bing] Okay. Now all we've got to do is get rid of this chair. [Monica Geller] Oh, thank God! [Chandler Bing] Oh, I know! [Monica Geller] Come in! [Rachel Green] Hi! I'm so sorry to barge in on your Valentine's, but I had to get away from all the yelling. Mona is dumping Ross. [Monica Geller] Oh, my God. [Chandler Bing] Poor Ross. [Chandler Bing] Oh, great. We have to watch him do yoga in his underwear, but for this he closes the drapes! [Monica Geller] Rach, you know that birthing tape you wanted to see? It's here. [Chandler Bing] Oh, And We Should Warn You, Before You Watch It don't watch it. [Rachel Green] Why? You saw it? Is it scary? [Chandler Bing] Well, let's just say it's ironic how footage of someone being born can make you want to kill yourself. [Rachel Green] Well, now, wait. Now I'm all freaked out. Come on, you guys will watch it with me. [Monica Geller] No, but I will leave a sweater that smells like me right next to you! [Rachel Green] C'mon, seriously, you guys, you're not going to make me watch this alone! [Monica Geller] She's right...of course not. Honey, get the tape. [Chandler Bing] This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape. Okay, here we go. [Rachel Green] Okay. Ooh, my! Woah! Why is that baby torturing that woman?! [Chandler Bing] Why have I seen this thing three times?! [Monica Geller] It's...still beautiful. [Rachel Green] Uh! It's horrible! [Monica Geller] I know! I know, I'm so sorry for you! [Rachel Green] Oh, my God! [Chandler Bing] Wait, you guys, look! [Rachel Green] What? Did her ass explode?! [Chandler Bing] No, the baby's out! Look, look! [Monica Geller] Oh, look at those little fingers and toes! [Chandler Bing] And look how happy the mom is now! [Monica Geller] Oh...Rach! [Rachel Green] Oh, screw you guys, you don't have to do it! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey, hey, man! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, what's up? [Ross Geller] Uh...Mona just dumped me. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, man, I'm sorry. Why? [Ross Geller] Well, with everything that's been going on lately, I haven't exactly been the perfect boyfriend. You know, I, uh, I didn't tell her I got Rachel pregnant. I gave her a key to my apartment, and then had the locks changed! And then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me. In a way, I actually judge her for not breaking up with me sooner, you know? [Joey Tribbiani] Still, that really sucks, man. Especially on Valentine's Day. [Ross Geller] Yeah. Wait a minute. What are you doing here? Joey Tribbiani without a date on Valentine's Day? What's going on, huh? Girl trouble? [Joey Tribbiani] Sort of. [Ross Geller] Really?! [Joey Tribbiani] You don't have to seem so happy about it. [Ross Geller] Oh, sorry. Well, look, maybe I can help you with it. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I...I d- [Ross Geller] Hey, whatever it is, I am sure it has happened to me. Y'know, actually once-once I got dumped during sex. [Ross Geller] Anyway, so, uh, so what is it? [Joey Tribbiani] Forget about it. It's no big deal. [Ross Geller] C'mon! Joey! What is it? [Joey Tribbiani] It's nothing. [Ross Geller] Hey, hey, it's me. Why can't you tell me? [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, uh...sit down. Um... there's this woman that I like. A lot. But, uh...it can't happen. [Ross Geller] She's not a Tribbiani? [Joey Tribbiani] No! [Ross Geller] I knew it. So, is she someone from work? [Joey Tribbiani] Yes. [Ross Geller] Well, uh, does she like you? [Joey Tribbiani] Sometimes I think maybe she could. But it doesn't matter, because I can't do anything about it. [Ross Geller] Why not? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, it's complicated. She's with this other guy. For a long time. Someone from work, too. And I could never do that to the guy, because we're really good friends. [Ross Geller] So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh... is he still in love with her? [Joey Tribbiani] No. I don't think so. [Ross Geller] Okay. Um... is he a good guy? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, he's the best. [Ross Geller] Then talk to him! He might be fine with it. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I don't know. [Ross Geller] Joey, it's worth finding out. I mean, if you really like her. [Joey Tribbiani] I do! So much! I can't stop thinking about her! I can't sleep, I- [Ross Geller] Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself. [Gunther] Here's your warm milk. [Ross Geller] I'm going to...uh...I'm going to, um, put the bourbon in it at home. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, yeah. [Ross Geller] Anyway... seriously, uh...just...just talk to the guy, okay? And tell me how it goes. [Joey Tribbiani] It's Rachel. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] You're going to have a baby, and you need to be prepared. Now, you're going to make yourself watch the whole thing. Just do it! [Woman On Tv] I came to the big city to become a star! I'll do...anything to make that happen! [Man On Tv] Anything? [Rachel Green] Hmm...maybe it starts with how she gets pregnant.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e15", "title": "The One With The Birthing Video"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Joey Tells Rachel [Joey Tribbiani] There's this woman, that I like. A lot. Well, it's complicated. She's with this other guy. For a long time. And I could never do that to the guy, y'know? 'Ccause we're really good friends. [Ross Geller] So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh... is he a good guy? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, he's the best. [Ross Geller] Then talk to him! He might be fine with it. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I don't know. [Ross Geller] Joey, it's worth finding out. I mean, if you really like her. [Joey Tribbiani] I do! So much! I can't stop thinking about her! I can't sleep, I- [Ross Geller] Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself. [Joey Tribbiani] It's Rachel. [Ross Geller] Did you um-I'm sorry, did you just say it's Rachel? [Joey Tribbiani] Yes. [Ross Geller] Um, you...you like Rachel? [Joey Tribbiani] Yes. I like Rachel. [Ross Geller] Rachel?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, okay but look, buy uh-Hey-hey, y'know, y'know who else I like? You! And it-it doesn't get said enough. I like you Ross. [Ross Geller] But R-R-Rachel-Rachel?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, but it's not a big deal. [Ross Geller] It's not a big deal? Oh, I'm sorry I just...um, I...what about all the stuff you-you just said? I mean how about, I like-you-you can't stop thinking about her. Like how you can't sleep? [Joey Tribbiani] I'm an actor, y'know? As-as a group, we tend to be over dramatic. [Ross Geller] Rachel who's carrying my baby? Rachel? [Joey Tribbiani] Look no, I-I know it's bad, and I know it's wrong. Okay? But-but it's not like anything's ever gonna happen. Y'know? These-these are just feelings, they're gonna go away. [Ross Geller] Y'know what? I-I gotta go. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh come on Ross! Hey Ross-Ross don't... [Ross Geller] I just-y'know-I-I just have one-Rachel?! [Gunther] Rachel?!! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh-oh! Okay, she's kicking! [Chandler Bing] Oh! She's growing inside you. [Rachel Green] Whoa!! [Chandler Bing] Oh! [Rachel Green] Wow that was a big one. [Chandler Bing] I think that's the youngest girl ever to reject me. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh hey you guys! [Chandler Bing] Oh hey! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey listen let me ask you, do you believe in soul mates? [Rachel Green] Oh yes I do. I do. I believe that there is one perfect person out there for everyone. And do you know how you find him? You stop looking for him. That's why I stopped looking for Russell Crowe. He'll find me. [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh, and you? [Chandler Bing] No. I mean I believe that uh, certain people are more suited for each other and I believe in falling in love, but soul mates, I don't think they exist. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, good. [Chandler Bing] Why? [Phoebe Buffay] Well last night, I met Monica's. [Chandler Bing] What? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, I had a date with this guy, and I swear to God, he is her other half. [Chandler Bing] Come on, don't be crazy. You don't think there's someone out there better suited for Monica than me, do ya? [Rachel Green] Well, what's he like?! [Phoebe Buffay] Well he's tall. [Rachel Green] Uh-huh. [Phoebe Buffay] He has brown hair. [Rachel Green] Of course, of course. [Chandler Bing] A tall guy with hair similar to mine, oh unknowable universe! [Phoebe Buffay] He works with food! [Rachel Green] Oh sure. Older? [Phoebe Buffay] Obviously, and he's British. [Rachel Green] Oh, I was just gonna ask! [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? And, he's-he's so centered and mature and confident. [Rachel Green] Oh, it's so sad they never had a chance to meet. [Chandler Bing] Luckily, the guy she settled for can't hear what you're talking about. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I'm so sorry. Um, and maybe I'm wrong! I but-y'know I'm gonna go out with him again, I'll find out more. [Chandler Bing] You believe that this guy is destined for someone else and you're still gonna date him? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, he may not be my soul mate, but a girl's gotta eat. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey. [Ross Geller] Hey. [Monica Geller] I just talked to Joey, I just-I want to see how you were. [Ross Geller] Oh y'know, I still-I can't believe it. Joey and Rachel I mean it's... It's like you and me going out, only weirder! [Monica Geller] All right, I know you're hurting, and-and I want to be supportive, but don't say that again. [Ross Geller] Oh my God! What if, what if they get married? Then he'd be the stepfather of my child. [Monica Geller] Honey, I don't think that's something we need to worry about! First of all he's-he's never gonna tell her how he feels about her. And even if he did you have no idea how she'd react. [Ross Geller] Sure, because women never like Joey. Y'know, I think he's a virgin. [Monica Geller] Joey...he's not even thinking about going after Rachel! [Ross Geller] He's not? [Monica Geller] No! All he's thinking about is how you're taking this! I mean, listen it's totally freaking him out. He's talking about moving to Vermont. [Ross Geller] Why? [Monica Geller] He says he wants to leave the country. He thinks you hate him. [Ross Geller] Hate him? I... No, I don't hate him. It's just it's Rachel, y'know? [Monica Geller] Honey I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you. But, I don't want you to lose Joey over it. And right now he just needs to know that you're still his friend. [Ross Geller] Okay. Okay, I'll talk to him. [Monica Geller] All right. Now do it soon, he just asked me how to convert his dollars into Vermont money. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Hi! [Monica Geller] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, Chandler, Monica, this is Don. [Don] Oh, hello. Hello. [Phoebe Buffay] Soul mate. [Chandler Bing] What? [Phoebe Buffay] Soul mate. [Monica Geller] So, what have you guys been doing? [Don] Well, we just had a terrible lunch today at Reattica. What is with all the sun-dried tomatoes at that place? [Monica Geller] I know! What is this, 1985?! [Don] That's exactly what I said. Phoebe, isn't that strange. [Monica Geller] Not really. [Chandler Bing] What's wrong with sun-dried tomatoes? On a barbecue chicken pizza? No? [Monica Geller] So Don, what-what other restaurants do you like? [Don] Well, Octavio, 27&7-Oh! And there's this great little place, Alessandro's. [Monica Geller] Oh my God! That's my restaurant, I'm the chef there. [Don] You're kidding me! [Monica Geller] No! [Don] Your food is fantastic! Wow, I really want to talk to you about your menu, once I get some coffees first. Um, anyone want any? [Monica Geller] Oh, I'd like a latte. Oh y'know what? If you're gonna talk about me, I'm gonna go with you. [Chandler Bing] What are you doing?! [Phoebe Buffay] Nothing! I swear to God I didn't know you guys would be here! And the good news is you didn't believe in soul mates. So... [Chandler Bing] I believe in tall, handsome strangers who hit on my wife! [Phoebe Buffay] They're just talking, and y'know what? Just because I think they're soul mates doesn't mean anything's gonna happen. [Monica Geller] Phoebe, good work. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? [Monica Geller] Yeah! Oh he's great, I love him. [Phoebe Buffay] Don't worry, we'll find you someone else. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Ross Geller] Hey. [Joey Tribbiani] Look, I understand if you came by to hit me, I deserve it. [Ross Geller] No, I don't want to hit you. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh what then? Kick me? [Ross Geller] No. [Joey Tribbiani] Bite me? [Ross Geller] No, no I don't want to do anything to you. All right? I just want to tell you that I'm not mad at you and...and that I certainly do not hate you. I just, I just came here to say that. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh now-Hey Ross-Ross! Do you wanna-wanna come in for a beer or something? [Ross Geller] Uh...yeah sure. [Joey Tribbiani] Do uh, do you got any beer? All-all I got is this melon stuff that Rachel left. I don't... [Ross Geller] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey look Ross, you need to understand something okay? I uh...I am never gonna act on this Rachel thing, okay? I-I would never do anything to jeopardize my friendship with you. [Ross Geller] Thank you. [Joey Tribbiani] Anyway, it uh...look it'll just...take me a while to get over her, that's all. I'm not even sure how to do that, I mean I've never been in love before so... [Ross Geller] What?! You're in love with her. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I thought you knew that. [Ross Geller] Umm, no. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow. Hey look, if it helps, I don't want to feel this way. Honest. I just keep thinking, "Ah, I'll get over this." Y'know? I just-It just keeps gettin' harder. I don't, I don't know what to do. Y'know? What do I do? [Ross Geller] I think you need to tell her how you feel. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay that's the green stuff talkin'. [Ross Geller] No, I'm serious. You-you need to find out where she is, because if she's not where you are, then you can start to move past this. [Joey Tribbiani] But what if uh-and I'm not saying she will be-But... [Ross Geller] If she is where you are then uh...then my feeling weird about it shouldn't stand in the way. [Joey Tribbiani] Are you sure? [Ross Geller] Yeah. Look if-if she's gonna end up with somebody else, the truth is she couldn't find a better guy. So... [Joey Tribbiani] Hey thanks. [Ross Geller] So when do you think you're gonna talk to her? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God I have to tell her! I haven't even thought about what I will say. What should I say? [Ross Geller] I'm understanding, but let's not get carried away. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm sorry, you're right. What am I gonna say? Oh! [Ross Geller] Yeah, tell me about it. --------------------------------------- [Don] ...so I've been slowly phasing out the wine importing and focusing more on the cheese side of things. [Chandler Bing] Cheese you say? That's some pretty smelly work, huh Don? [Don] Excuse me? [Chandler Bing] Cheese, it's smelly. You must smell a lot of the time too. [Don] Uh, not really. But when it comes to cheese, I'm one of the people who thinks the smellier the better. [Monica Geller] Me too! Yeah, Chandler can't stand it. He won't even allow me to have blue cheese in the house. [Don] And you're still married to him? [Monica Geller] You know what I'd love to do? I would like to go to France and eat nothing but bread and cheese-Not even bread, just cheese. No, I want the bread. Yeah. Ah, and pastries... And pate. Oh, I'm really not high, it's just I used to be fat. [Don] Well if you where ever enter the Loire valley let me know, I've got a great little villa you can stay at. [Chandler Bing] Is it made of cheese? [Don] No. But God, a house made of cheese, wouldn't that be incredible?! [Monica Geller] I'd move in tomorrow! [Chandler Bing] Oh come on! Are you listening to this? [Phoebe Buffay] I'm so sorry. [Chandler Bing] What do we do? [Phoebe Buffay] I don't know, they both want to live in a house of cheese! I don't know how you fight that. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. Okay, I can do this. I can tell her how I feel. Just uh, just stand up straight. Take a couple deep breaths. Look confident. [Rachel Green] Joey? What's up? [Joey Tribbiani] I uh, I just came by because I-I want to talk to you about something. [Rachel Green] Okay what's up? [Joey Tribbiani] Here? In the hall? What are we animals? [Rachel Green] Well honey, I'm late for a meeting. So can you just make it quick? [Joey Tribbiani] Okay umm, I just came by to tell you that I...want to have dinner with you tonight. That's all. [Rachel Green] Sure! That sounds great! Just leave me a message and tell me where to meet you. Okay? [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. That's good. Okay, that give you a couple hours to prepare what you're gonna say. Good. Yeah. Don't you people ever knock?! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I'd like to have Don and Phoebe over. Wouldn't that be nice? [Chandler Bing] Sure, why don't you set it up. I'll just be over here, browsing through the personals. [Monica Geller] Are you okay? You've been acting weird all afternoon. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, fine. Fine. Not perfect!! But good enough. [Monica Geller] Jeez! What is with you? [Chandler Bing] I'm sorry, did you say cheese? [Monica Geller] All right, what's going on? [Chandler Bing] Phoebe thinks you and Don are soul mates, and I don't believe in that kind of stuff. But then you two totally get along. So look, I won't stand in your way if you want to run off with Don and live in a house of cheese. [Monica Geller] Chandler, you don't believe in soul mates? [Chandler Bing] No. But I'm sure 'tomatoes' does. [Monica Geller] I don't believe in soul mates either. [Chandler Bing] You don't? [Monica Geller] No. I don't think that you and I were destined to end up together. I think that we fell in love and work hard at our relationship. Some days we work really hard. [Chandler Bing] So you...you don't want to live with Don in a cheese house? [Monica Geller] No, I've had second thoughts about that. Do you realize how hard that would be to clean? [Chandler Bing] I love you. [Monica Geller] I know. [Chandler Bing] Y'know what? I am going to take you out to dinner tonight. I found this place that makes the greatest mozzarella sticks and jalepino poppers. No? Really? They taste so good. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] ...and I know Chandler is kidding but it happens every time he touches my stomach. I mean I'm really worried the baby's not going to like him. Are you okay? [Joey Tribbiani] What? Yeah! Sure! Uh, look at the uh, the reason...-Is it hot in here? [Rachel Green] No. Not-not for me, but why don't you take off your sweater? [Joey Tribbiani] I would, but this is a nice place and my T-shirt has a picture of Calvin doing Hobbs. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! Really?! Can I see it? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. Sure. [Rachel Green] Huh. Wow, I wouldn't think Hobbs would like that so much. [Joey Tribbiani] Uh... How long have we known each other? [Rachel Green] Um, seven...e-e-eight, eight years. Wow. [Joey Tribbiani] Uh-huh, long time. [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] But over the past few weeks... [Waiter] Hah, sorry about the wait, but it is mega-jammed in here! We have a couple specials tonight... [Joey Tribbiani] Actually uh, could you give us a second? [Waiter] Sure. Sure. Second's up! Not...that kind of table. [Rachel Green] So you were saying? [Joey Tribbiani] I'm not quite sure. [Rachel Green] Okay, well you had asked me how long we had known each other, and I said, "Eight years." And the um, waiter came over and cut his tip in half, and umm...now here we are. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, here we are. Uhh... I... I think I'm...falling in love with you. [Rachel Green] What? [Joey Tribbiani] I'm falling in love with you. [Rachel Green] Who are you talking too? Oh, you're kidding! Oh, it's a joke! It's funny. It's funny. I don't get it. Oh. Okay. Umm... I-I...uh, wow. Are you uh... How did umm... When? [Joey Tribbiani] Does it really matter? [Rachel Green] Wow! Wow. Wow. Wow, it is hot in here. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay look Rach, I know this is a lot. You don't have to say anything. You-you uh, you take as much time as you need. Okay, you gotta say something! [Rachel Green] Joey, Joey I love you so much, but I... [Joey Tribbiani] But. [Rachel Green] Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah-yeah right. That's okay. That's fine. That's uh, pretty much what I was expecting. So uh, it's no big deal. All right? I think I'm gonna go. [Rachel Green] No! Joey please! Please don't! Please don't leave like this! Now come on, you cannot do this to a pregnant woman! [Joey Tribbiani] Don't start doing that. You can't do that Rach, 'cause then you're gonna make me do that. Oh, here we go! [Rachel Green] Can I? [Joey Tribbiani] Sure! [Rachel Green] Oh Joey honey I don't...I don't want to lose... [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey-hey, hey! You can't. Okay? Ever! [Rachel Green] I'm so sorry. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh no-no Rach, please, don't be sorry. Okay? Don't be sorry. Y'know I was only kidding you. [Rachel Green] Yeah, that was a real good one. --------------------------------------- [Waiter No. 2] Is this your table? [Waiter] Yeah. [Waiter No. 2] God, you're gonna be here all night! [Waiter] I know! I haven't even read them the specials yet! [Waiter No. 2] What's the matter with them? [Waiter] I don't know. I think maybe one of them is dying. I kinda hope it's the girl. The guy is really cute!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e16", "title": "The One Where Joey Tells Rachel"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Tea Leaves [Rachel Green] Joey? Are you in there? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh God! That's Rachel! [Monica Geller] Joey, you have to talk to her! [Joey Tribbiani] No-no, I can't! I can't! Not after the other night, it's just it's...too weird, okay? Don't tell her I'm here! Don't eat that! [Rachel Green] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey Rachel! [Rachel Green] Is Joey here? [Chandler Bing] I don't see him. Do you see him? [Monica Geller] I don't see him. Hey! Maybe he's in the sugar bowl! Joey? Nope! [Rachel Green] Well, at least you make each other laugh. [Monica Geller] What's up? [Rachel Green] Well, I haven't seen him since that night that he told me how he y'know... I don't know, I think he's avoiding me. Why is that bagel on the floor? [Monica Geller] We were playing a game. [Rachel Green] Ew, was Chandler naked? Sort of like a, like a ring toss kind of situation? [Monica Geller] Sure. [Chandler Bing] What?! No! No! [Rachel Green] All right. Well listen, if you see Joey will you just tell him uh...tell him I miss him. [Monica Geller] Okay, did you hear that? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, a naked bagel game? Dude, I don't know. That's a pretty small hole. [Monica Geller] Honey, you gotta talk to her. [Joey Tribbiani] I can't! Y'know? You guys don't know what it's like to put yourself out there like that and just get shot down. [Chandler Bing] I don't know what that's like?! Up until I was 25 I thought the only response to, "I love you," was, "Oh crap!" [Monica Geller] Hello? No rejection? I got shot down at fat camp! Boy, kids are mean when they're hungry. [Joey Tribbiani] All right so, so what do I do? [Monica Geller] This is Rachel. I mean, what are you gonna do, never going to talk to her again? I mean I know it's weird, it's awkward, but you gotta at least try. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. Okay. Whoa! I almost forgot this was on your... [Chandler Bing] We didn't play it!! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, so when you're done with your tea I'll look at your leaves and tell you your fortune. [Chandler Bing] I didn't know you read tea leaves. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah, I've done it for years. I actually stopped because I was so accurate. Y'know, and-and y'know, one of the great joys of life is it's-it's wondrous unpredictability. Y'know? And also tea tends to give me the trots. [Monica Geller] Okay, I'm done. Read mine. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Ooh, I see a ladder. Which can mean either a promotion or a violent death. [Monica Geller] I-I'm the head chef. I-I can't get promoted. [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm, who's next? [Rachel Green] Okay, I'm done. Do mine. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Umm, oh! Okay, I see a circle. [Rachel Green] Ah. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! Which can either mean you're having a baby or you're gonna make a scientific discovery! [Rachel Green] Well, I have been spending a lot of time in the lab. [Chandler Bing] What does yours say Pheebs? [Phoebe Buffay] Umm... Wow, all right. Wow! Yay! Ooh, I'm gonna meet a guy! And really soon! And he's gonna be the man of my dreams. Probably not the guy I had a dream about last night. [Ross Geller] Hey! Has anyone seen my shirt? It's a button down, like a, like a faded salmon? [Monica Geller] You mean your pink shirt? [Ross Geller] Faded salmon color. [Monica Geller] No, I-I haven't seen your pink shirt. [Ross Geller] Great! Great. Then I must've left it at Mona's. I knew it! [Chandler Bing] Well, I'm sure you get another one at Ann Taylor's. [Ross Geller] That's my favorite shirt! Okay? I love that shirt! [Rachel Green] Well just ask Mona to give it back! [Ross Geller] I don't know. I mean I-I guess I could. It's just that we didn't really end things such good terms. And if I go over there I'd be ignoring the one thing she asked me to do when we broke up, jump up my own ass and die. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh wait a second you guys...for the last couple weeks I've been that guy everywhere I go. We take the same bus. We go to the same bookstore, the same dry cleaners; maybe he's the tea guy. [Chandler Bing] Phoebe, did you see that?! He totally checked you out! He is so cute! Mine has a picture of The Village People, what does that mean? [Rachel Green] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. [Rachel Green] Hi. [Joey Tribbiani] Hi. [Monica Geller] Tea gives Phoebe the trots. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] So I thought Joey and I would be okay once we hung out, but it's not even like we know how to be with each other anymore. [Chandler Bing] I know it's tough now, but things will get better. [Rachel Green] How do you know that? What if it just gets worse and worse and worse, to the point where we can't even be in the same room with each other?! [Chandler Bing] I'm not great at the advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Some cheese? [Monica Geller] Honey, what is the Bruce Springsteen CD in the Kat Stevens case? [Chandler Bing] Let's just say if I can't find the right CD case I just put it in the nearest one. [Monica Geller] Okay, where is the Kat Stevens CD? [Chandler Bing] In the James Taylor case. [Monica Geller] Where is the James Taylor CD? [Chandler Bing] Honey, I'm gonna save you some time, 200 CDs, not one of them in the right case. [Monica Geller] Okay. No need to panic. Deep breathes everyone. Okay umm uh, we're just gonna have to spend some time and put the CDs in the right cases. [Chandler Bing] Well, if we're gonna do that we should come up with some kind of order. Y'know alphabetically or by genre? [Monica Geller] Hmm, I don't know. We really have to talk this through. [Rachel Green] Oh my God!! You guys have such problems!! I feel so terrible for you! [Monica Geller] Okay, I-I'm sorry. You and Joey, your both focusing on this uncomfortable thing, what you need to do is to change the subject. Next time you see him try to get him talking about something else. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah. That makes sense. [Monica Geller] Yeah, like I don't know, maybe you have a work problem that you need his advice on. [Rachel Green] Ooh, I can do that. [Monica Geller] Good. Uh honey, the Miami Vice soundtrack? Really? [Chandler Bing] They were just giving those away at the store in exchange for money. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hi. [Monica Geller] Uh I really don't know what to tell you Rach, I really don't. I mean, maybe Joey can help you out with your, with your big work problem. [Rachel Green] What? [Monica Geller] Yeah Joey she's...Rachel's got this really big work problem, and it is a head scratcher. Wow! Y'know what, if we're gonna make dinner we're gonna have to leave. Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] So you uh, have a...big work problem? [Rachel Green] Yeah it's umm... Yeah it's uh... It-it's y'know-It's nothing. [Joey Tribbiani] Huh. Okay. So uh, I think I'm gonna take off. [Rachel Green] Yeah-No wait! Joey no wait it is. It's something. It's-it's umm...it's my boss. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah? [Rachel Green] Yeah, and umm my baby. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah? [Rachel Green] My boss wants to buy my baby! [Joey Tribbiani] What?! Oh my-oh my God! [Rachel Green] I know I told you, it's a really big problem. [Joey Tribbiani] What he wants to buy your baby?! [Rachel Green] Can you believe that?! [Joey Tribbiani] That's crazy! [Rachel Green] That's what I told him! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, how did this even happen? [Rachel Green] Well I'll tell ya! See uh my-my boss and his wife-They-they can't have children. So umm, and that-we were at the Christmas party, and he got drunk, and he said to me, "Rachel, I want to buy your baby." [Joey Tribbiani] Man! When you said it was a problem about your boss and the baby I figured it was something about maternity leave. [Rachel Green] Ohh! Yeah! Yeah that-that would've been a much simpler problem. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh hello. [Guy] Oh, it's you. I see you everywhere. I'm Jim, Jim Nelson. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh Jim, Jim Nelson I'm Phoebe, Phoebe Buffay. We certainly have been seeing a lot of each other lately. [Jim] We have. Maybe we'll be seeing each other at dinner tomorrow night, say around 8 o'clock? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, maybe we will. Oh! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Mona? Okay, if I were a salmon shirt, where would I be? [Mona] I am so sorry I spilled wine all over your shirt. [Mona's Date] Oh, it's okay. [Mona] No, it's still wet. Y'know what? Let me get it out before it sets. Ooh, I have something you can wear. Here. [Mona's Date] Oh umm, I-I don't know if I want to wear a woman's shirt. [Mona] No-no that's a man's shirt. [Mona's Date] It's awfully pink. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Oh my God, honey we are so meant to be together. We both have copies of the Annie soundtrack. [Monica Geller] Honey, both yours. [Rachel Green] Hey! Great advice on that Joey thing! [Monica Geller] Yeah? The work problem? [Rachel Green] Oh it was perfect! I mean it really felt like he was my friend again. [Chandler Bing] What problem did you tell him you had? [Rachel Green] Oh that's not important. The point is, I really-I think everything's gonna be okay. --------------------------------------- [Mr. Zelner] May I help you? [Joey Tribbiani] Do you think you can just buy my friends baby?! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Isn't it funny how we kept running into each other? It's as if someone really wants us to be together. [Jim] Someone does. Me. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, witty banter. Well done. [Jim] So, tell me a little bit about yourself. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh okay, well I'm a masseuse, and I used to work at this place... [Jim] Do you like to party? [Phoebe Buffay] I-I-I like, I like parties. [Jim] You're wild, aren't ya? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah I guess, a little. [Jim] It ain't no thing, I'm wild too. [Phoebe Buffay] So! Umm, anyway I-I lived in New York, someone wildly I guess, for umm-Well since I was fourteen. [Jim] I'm sorry. I'm staring. It's just that you have the most beautiful eyes. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh stop it. [Jim] And your breasts! Hmm!!! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Umm look, you're coming on a little strong. But I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, because it seems the universe really wants to be together. So, why don't we just start over okay? And you can just tell me about yourself. [Jim] All right. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Jim] I write erotic novels, for children. [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Jim] They're wildly unpopular. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! [Jim] Oh also, you might be interested to know that I have a Ph.D. [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! You do? [Jim] Yeah, a Pretty Huge... [Phoebe Buffay] All right. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] The sun'll come out...tomorrow! Bet...your bottom dollar that tomorrow... ...there'll be sun. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Rachel Green] Hey! Oh Joey, honey listen, thank you for talking to my yesterday about that thing with my boss. That really meant a lot. [Joey Tribbiani] Not a problem. Oh, and just so you know, that guy's not going to be bothering you about that baby thing anymore. [Rachel Green] What? [Joey Tribbiani] Let's just say I took care of it. [Rachel Green] Whoa-whoa-whoa, let's say more! [Joey Tribbiani] Don't worry! Don't worry. I just told him, very nicely, "You don't go buying people's babies, so back off!!" [Rachel Green] What?! [Chandler Bing] What?! [Rachel Green] No! No, no-no-no Joey he doesn't want to buy my baby! I made that up! [Joey Tribbiani] What?! Why?! [Rachel Green] So that we would have something to talk about! So it wouldn't be awkward! [Joey Tribbiani] And you couldn't think of anything else?! [Monica Geller] You said your boss wants to buy your baby?! [Rachel Green] I can't believe that you yelled at my boss! I'm-I'm gonna lose my job! What am I going to do?! [Chandler Bing] You can always sell your baby. [Rachel Green] Oh Joey, I can't believe you brought my boss into this! I'm gonna get fired! [Joey Tribbiani] You lied to me! [Rachel Green] Well, she told me too! [Monica Geller] Chandler has two copies of Annie! --------------------------------------- [Mona] Oh my God! Ross!!! [Ross Geller] Hello!! [Mona] Ross, what are you doing?! [Ross Geller] Not touching myself if that makes anyone less uncomfortable. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Morning. You wanted to see me? [Mr. Zelner] Please, come in. Have a seat. [Rachel Green] Okay look Mr. Zelner... [Mr. Zelner] Oh I think it's best that I speak first. [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Mr. Zelner] I've asked Lee from human resources to be here as a witness to our conversation. [Rachel Green] Oh God. [Mr. Zelner] If I in any way implied that I wanted to buy your baby...I am sorry. Okay? Last week when I asked you when your due date was uh, I certainly did not mean that I felt that I was due your baby. Yeah, I want to be very clear that I understand that its your baby, and it is not mine to purchase. [Rachel Green] Well, as long as we are clear about that. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh there it is. [Monica Geller] That's not your regular dry cleaners. [Phoebe Buffay] I know, but that creep that I went on that date with goes to there so I have to find a new one. I also have to find a new video store, a new bank, a new adult bookstore, a new grocery store... [Monica Geller] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] A new grocery store. The universe said I was going to meet a nice guy and that's what they gave me? When I get up there I'm going to kick some ass. [Monica Geller] Don't worry Phoebe, you're gonna meet someone. If I can meet a great guy, so can you. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, we both can. And we both will. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, you didn't have to come in with me. [Monica Geller] Are you kidding? This is where they get out stains! Okay? This is like Disneyland for me. I'm-I'm gonna be over here watching the dance of the clean shirts. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Guy] Oh, excuse me! I think you dropped s... Wow! [Phoebe Buffay] What? [Guy] I'm sorry, it's just that you're so incredibly beautiful. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah well, I'm sorry about that too, but what are you going to do? [Guy] I hope you don't think I'm crazy but I feel like I was meant to pick this up, do you believe in that kind of thing? [Phoebe Buffay] A little. Now you're talking. [Guy] Would you like to go out and have a cup of coffee? [Phoebe Buffay] I-I-I'd love to. Let me just tell my friend. [Monica Geller] Ooh, an ink stain! Hey, can I watch how you get this out? [Phoebe Buffay] She must've left. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi. [Joey Tribbiani] So? What-what-what happened? [Rachel Green] It's all gonna be okay. They're just so happy that I'm not suing them that they gave me one extra month paid maternity leave. So long as I understand that the money should not construed as a down payment on this or any other child I should bear. [Chandler Bing] Wow, Ralph Lauren is really going out of there way to show they're not in the baby buying business. [Rachel Green] Chandler, can you give us a minute? [Chandler Bing] Oh I'm sorry, you're kicking me out of my own living room? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] I'll be in there. [Rachel Green] Joey, I'm really sorry that I lied to you. I was just trying to make things... [Joey Tribbiani] I know. I know. [Rachel Green] It kinda worked. I mean y'know, I don't know about you buy I haven't thought about our thing since all this. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey you're right. Yeah, it's kinda been like us again a little bit. [Rachel Green] Yeah I know! I miss that. [Joey Tribbiani] Me too. I mean I...haven't thought at all about how I put myself out there and said all that stuff and how you didn't feel the same way about me and-and how it was really awkward. [Rachel Green] My gynecologist tried to kill me. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Item J437-A, color: winterberry. Hi umm, listen come here, come in. I'm so-so sorry about yesterday. I-I'm really sorry. It's just that I... [Mona] Listen Ross, you don't have to apologize. I understand why you were there. [Ross Geller] You do? [Mona] Yeah, you still have feelings for me. And-and to be honest, I-I still have feelings for you. And I wish that we can work it out Ross, but we can't. It's too complicated with you and Rachel and the baby, I-I just... It just wasn't meant to be. [Ross Geller] Oh God you're right. [Mona] Ross, we...we have to be strong. Okay, I-I'm gonna go. Can I? To remember you? [Ross Geller] No.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e17", "title": "The One With The Tea Leaves"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One In Massapequa [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, Ross, Mon, is it okay if I bring someone to your parent's anniversary party? [Monica Geller] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Sure. Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] So, who's the guy? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, his name is Parker and I met him at the drycleaners. [Chandler Bing] Oooh, did he put a little starch in your bloomers? Who said that? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, he's really great though. He has this incredible zest for life, and he treats me like a queen, except at night when he treats me like the naughty girl I am. [Monica Geller] Oh, by the way. Would it be okay if I gave the toast to mom and dad this year? [Ross Geller] Uh, yeah, you sure you want to after what happened at their 20th? [Monica Geller] Yeah, I'd really like to. [Ross Geller] Okay, hopefully this time mom won't boo you. [Monica Geller] Yes! Every year Ross makes the toast, and it's always really moving, and always makes them cry. Well this year I'm going to make them cry. [Chandler Bing] And you wonder why Ross is their favorite? [Monica Geller] No! Really! Any time Ross makes a toast everyone cries, and hugs him, and pats him on the back and they all come up to me and say, "God, your brother." Know what they'll say this year? "God, you" [Joey Tribbiani] Well I can promise you, at least one person will be crying. I'm an actor, and any actor worth himself can cry on cue. [Monica Geller] Really you can do that? [Joey Tribbiani] Are you kidding me? Watch! Well I can't do it with you guys watching me! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] What are you doing? [Monica Geller] Oh I'm working on my toast for the party, or as I like to call it. Sob fest 2002. Hey check this out. [Chandler Bing] It's a dog. [Monica Geller] It's a dead dog. That's Chi-Chi; she died when I was in high school. [Chandler Bing] It's your parents' anniversary and you're going to talk about their dead pet? [Monica Geller] The good stuff, huh? [Rachel Green] Hi! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! [Monica Geller] You got a present for my parents. That's so sweet. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, yeah, in honor of their 35th wedding anniversary, I had a star named after them. [Ross Geller] Aww that is so cool. [Joey Tribbiani] And I got them a book on Karma Sutra for the elderly. [Rachel Green] Hey, do you guys have any extra ribbon? [Chandler Bing] Yeah, sure. What do you need? We got lace, satin, sateen, raffia, gingham, felt, and I think my testacles may be in here too. [Ross Geller] Aww! Chi-Chi! Oh, I loved this dog! Y'know Monica couldn't get braces because Chi-Chi needed knee surgery. [Monica Geller] What?! [Ross Geller] You were the 200-pound 11-year-old who rode her! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [#ALL#] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Everybody, this is Parker, Parker this is... [Parker] No, no, no wait! Don't tell me. Let me guess. Joey, Monica, Ross, Rachel and, I'm sorry Phoebe didn't mention you. Chandler, I'm kidding all ready you're my favorite! [Chandler Bing] Ha! [Parker] Why don't all of you tell me a little about your self? [Ross Geller] Ah, actually, I'm sorry we-we probably should get going. [Parker] Classic Ross. Rachel, Rachel, oh how you glow. May I? [Rachel Green] I, uh, think you already are. [Parker] Rachel, you have life growing inside you. Is there anything in this world more miraculous than-Oh a picture of a dog! Whose is this? [Monica Geller] That's my old dog. He passed away years ago. [Parker] Oh well, at least you were lucky to have him. Bow-wow old friend, bow-wow. So where's the party? [Monica Geller] It's out on the island. It's in Massapequa. [Parker] Maaaassapequa, Sounds Like A Magical Place. Tell Me About Massapequa, Is It Steep In Native American History? [Ross Geller] Well, there is an Arby's in the shape of a tee-pee. [Monica Geller] Okay, I got my note cards. Do you got the presents? [Chandler Bing] Yeah. [Monica Geller] And I've got the car keys. [Parker] We're driving!? [Monica Geller] Yeah. [Parker] Aces! [Ross Geller] So uh, he seems like a nice guy. [Rachel Green] Yeah, yeah I like him a lot. [Ross Geller] Ya wanna hang back and take our own cab? [Rachel Green] Yeah, otherwise I'm not going. --------------------------------------- [Jack Geller] Hi. [Ross Geller] Hi! Hey mom. [Rachel Green] This is such a great party! 35 years. Very impressive, do you guys have any pearls of wisdom? [Judy Geller] Jack? [Jack Geller] Why would you serve food on such a sharp stick? [Ross Geller] That's a good question, dad. That's a good question... [Rachel Green] Hmmm.... [Woman] Congratulations you two! [Rachel Green] Thank you...we're so excited! [Woman] And also, congratulations on your wedding. [Ross Geller] Wha-What? [Judy Geller] Can we talk to you for just a y'know... It's just a little thing. Well we think it's absolutely marvelous that you're having this baby out of wedlock, some of our friends are less open-minded. Which is why we've told them all that you're married. [Rachel Green] What?! [Judy Geller] Thanks for going along with this. [Ross Geller] Dad so what we have to pretend that we're married? [Jack Geller] Son, I had to shave my ears for tonight. You can do this. [Ross Geller] Can you believe that? [Rachel Green] Yeah, if you're going to do the ears, you might as well take a pass at the nosal area. [Ross Geller] No, us having to lie about being married. [Rachel Green] No, I know I don't either, but ya know what, it's their party, and it's just one night. And we don't even have to lie; we just won't say anything. If it comes up again, we'll just...smile. We'll nod along. [Woman] Ross! [Man] Rachel! [Ross Geller] Hi Aunt Lisa, Uncle Dan. [Aunt Lisa] Congratulations on the baby, and on the wedding! [Rachel Green] Hmmmm.... [Uncle Dan] Here's a little something to get you started. [Rachel Green] Oh... [Aunt Lisa] So, how's married life treating you? [Rachel Green] Unbelievable! [Ross Geller] We love marriage! [Aunt Lisa] Great! [Ross Geller] Hey. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Parker] What a beautiful place. What a great night! I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C...I feel so lucky. I think of all the good times that have happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs both bar and bat, but none of them will compare with tonight! My God, I don't want to forget this moment! It's like I want to take a mental picture of you all! Click! [Chandler Bing] I don't think the flash went off. [Parker] Dahaaa! I'm going to find the men's room, be right back. [Phoebe Buffay] I'll go with you [Parker] Come on! [Chandler Bing] Somewhere there is someone with a tranquilizer gun and a huge butterfly net looking for that man. [Joey Tribbiani] I have to go to the bathroom too, but I don't want him complimenting my thing. [Ross Geller] I'm so we weren't in the car! Did he ever let up? [Monica Geller] He called the Long Island Expressway a concrete miracle. [Ross Geller] This room! This night! That waiter! His shoes! I must take a mental picture! Ooh sorry... [Phoebe Buffay] Were you guys making fun of Parker? [Ross Geller] That depends, how much did you hear? [Phoebe Buffay] So, he a little enthusiastic, what's wrong with that? [Monica Geller] It's just that, it's so much. [Phoebe Buffay] Well, so what I like him! Do I make fun of the people you've dated? Tag, Janice, Mona? No, because friends don't do that. But, do you want my opinion? Do you want it? 'Cause in my opinion, your collective dating record reads like the who's who of human crap. [Monica Geller] I feel terrible. [Joey Tribbiani] I know. [Ross Geller] What was wrong with Mona? --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Open it! Open it! Open it! [Ross Geller] Yeah baby! [Man] So we never got to hear about your wedding! [Woman] We were surprise that we weren't invited. [Ross Geller] No, no, it was just our parents and 1 or 2 friends. It was a small wedding. [Rachel Green] But it was beautiful. I mean it was small, but kind of spectacular. [Man] Where did you have it? [Rachel Green] On a cliff, in Barbados, at sunset, and Stevie Wonder sang Isn't She Lovely as I walked down the aisle. [Woman] Really? [Rachel Green] Yeah, Stevie's an old family friend. [Woman] Oh my God. That sounds amazing. I would love to see pictures. [Rachel Green] So would I. You wouldn't think that Annie Liebawitz would forget to put film in the camera. [Ross Geller] Would you excuse us for a second? Umm.... what are you doing? [Rachel Green] What? I'm not you. This may be the only wedding I ever have. I want it to be amazing. [Ross Geller] Okay, okay. Ooooh, ooh maybe I rode in on a Harley. [Rachel Green] Okay, Ross, it has to be realistic. [Parker] Are you okay? You seem kind of quiet. [Phoebe Buffay] No, I'm fine. I'm great. I'm with you. [Parker] And I'm with you! What a great time to be alive! Look at this plate-bouncy thing. What an inspired solution to man's plate dispensing problems. [Phoebe Buffay] Hm huh, yeah. [Parker] Ah! Oysters! Let me feed you one. [Phoebe Buffay] No, that's not necessary. [Parker] Please. [Phoebe Buffay] No, actually I don't eat... [Parker] I won't quit until you try. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, fine! Fine! Mmm...hmmmmm.... [Parker] What are they like? I've never had one. [Phoebe Buffay] Why don't you just try one? [Parker] No, they look too weird. [Chandler Bing] What are you doin'? [Monica Geller] Just going over my toast. Those two will never know what hit 'em. I can't wait. They're going to be crying so hard. They're going to be fighting for breath. [Chandler Bing] Ya know if you want to, I can just hold them down and you could . [Rachel Green] And my veil was lace, made by blind, Belgium nuns. [Woman] Blind? [Rachel Green] Well, not at first, but it was very intricate work and they said even though they lost their sight, it was all worth it. [Aunt Lisa] I'll bet you looked beautiful... [Rachel Green] Well, I don't know about that, but some said that I looked like a floating angel. [Woman] So, how did you propose? [Rachel Green] Oh yeah. That's a great story. [Ross Geller] Well, um, actually, I-I took her to the planetarium. That's-that's where we had our first date. Um, she walked in and I had the room filled with lilies, her favorite flower... [Aunt Lisa] Oh that is so sweet! [Rachel Green] Shhh! I want to hear the rest! [Ross Geller] Then, Fred Astaire singing The Way You Look Tonight came on the sound system, and the lights came down. And I got down on one knee and written across the dome in the stars were the words "Will you marry me?" [Rachel Green] And the ring, was the size of my fist ! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah uh, Phoebe! Look umm, I want to apologize about before, okay? We were being jerks. Parker's a nice guy and I'd like to get to know him. [Phoebe Buffay] Then you better do it now. [Joey Tribbiani] Why? [Phoebe Buffay] Because I'm going to kill him [Joey Tribbiani] What-what? [Phoebe Buffay] You guys were right. He's just too excited about...everything. I mean I'm all for living life, but this is the Geller's 35th anniversary. Okay? Let's call a spade a spade this party stinks. [Joey Tribbiani] I know I'm having the worst time. There was a 15-minute line for the buffet, and when I finally got up to the plates, I slipped on a giant booger! [Phoebe Buffay] Are you sure it wasn't an oyster? [Joey Tribbiani] I guess it could've been, I didn't really look at it. Y'know, I just wiped it on Chandler's coat and got the hell out of there. [Phoebe Buffay] He's just such a great guy I'm so excited about him. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh hey, you should be excited about him. There's nothing wrong with him he's a good guy. [Phoebe Buffay] You think? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. Ya know what I think; I think we were all just being too negative. [Phoebe Buffay] You're right. You're right, he's just embracing life. We could all stand to be a little more like Parker. You know what? I am like him! I'm a sunny, positive person. [Joey Tribbiani] Actually, you have a little bit of an edge. [Phoebe Buffay] What's that now? [Joey Tribbiani] Nothing... [Phoebe Buffay] Oh look it's Parker! [Parker] Look! It's the bunny hop! [Phoebe Buffay] Oooh I love it! [Parker] You do?! [Phoebe Buffay] Are you kidding? People acting like animals to music. Come on! [Monica Geller] Okay it's time for the toast! Umm now-now, I know that Ross usually gives the toast, but this year I'm going to do it. [Monica Geller] No, no it's going to be great. Really! Mom, Dad, when I got married, one of the things that made me sure I could do it was the amazing example the two of you set for me. For that and so many other things I want to say thank you. I know I probably don't say it enough, but I love you. When I look around this room, I'm-I'm saddened by the thought of those who could not be here with us. Nana, my beloved grandmother who would so want to be here, but she can't because she's dead. As is our dog Chi-Chi. I mean look how cute she is. . Was. Do me a favor and pass this to my parents. Remember she's dead. Okay, her and Nana, gone. Wow! Hey does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her children in Terms of Endearment? Didn't see that? No movie fans?! You want to hear something sad? The other day I was watching 60 Minutes these orphans in Romania, who have been so neglected, they were incapable of love. You people are made of stone! Here's to mom and dad! Whatever! [Judy Geller] Thank you Monica that was uh, interesting. Wasn't it interesting, Jack? [Jack Geller] Why don't I remember this dog? [Judy Geller] Ross, why don't you give us your toast now? [Ross Geller] Oh, no, Mom, it's just Monica this year. [Judy Geller] You're not going to say anything? On our 35th wedding anniversary? [Ross Geller] No, of course, Um... Um, everybody? Um, I-I just wanted to say...on behalf of my new bride, Rachel , and myself. Umm, that if...if in 35 years, we're half as happy as you guys are, we'll count ourselves the luckiest people in the world. [Judy Geller] Oh Ross... [Jack Geller] I just wish Nana were alive to hear Ross's toast. --------------------------------------- [Parker] My God what a fantastically well lit hallway! [Phoebe Buffay] Can I get you something to drink? Like a water and Valium? [Parker] I must say this apartment, its, its, There are no words... [Phoebe Buffay] Oh thank God. [Parker] It's a haven. A third-floor paradise. A modern-day Eden in the midst... [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah? I know! I know! Uh huh? Listen why don't we just um, sit and relax? You know just be with each other. Quietly! [Parker] That sounds great. My God this is the most comfortable couch I've ever sat on in my entire life. [Phoebe Buffay] Let's try something else, let's play a game. [Parker] I love games! [Phoebe Buffay] Shocking! Let's play the game of who can stay quiet the longest. [Parker] Or...Jenga. [Phoebe Buffay] But, let's play this one first. And remember whoever talks first loses! [Parker] I lose, now Jenga. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! Oh my God! [Parker] Is something wrong? [Phoebe Buffay] Wrong? Really? You know the word wrong. Everything isn't perfect? Everything isn't magical? Everything isn't a glow with the light of a million fairies? They were just brake lights, Parker! [Parker] Well, excuse me for putting a good spin on a traffic jam! [Phoebe Buffay] You don't have to put a good spin on everything. [Parker] I'm sorry that's who I am. I'm a positive person. [Phoebe Buffay] No! I am a positive person. You are like Santa Clause on Prozac, at Disneyland, getting laid! [Parker] So what do you want me to do, you want me to be more negative, less happy? [Phoebe Buffay] Much less happy! [Parker] Fine! Well then to quote Ross, "I'd better be going." [Phoebe Buffay] So long! Don't let the best door in the world hit you in the ass on your way out! [Parker] Isn't this the most incredible fight you've ever had in your entire life? [Phoebe Buffay] Uh huh. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] ...and then, we could've gone from the ceremony to the reception with you in the sidecar! [Rachel Green] Ross, it just wouldn't have been feasible. [Ross Geller] But having a dove place the ring on your finger would've been no problem? [Rachel Green] It was really fun being married to you tonight. [Ross Geller] Yeah! And! And, it was the easiest 400 bucks I've ever made. [Rachel Green] Okay Ross, can I uh, can I ask you something? [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Rachel Green] That proposal, at the planetarium... [Ross Geller] I know, I know it was stupid. [Rachel Green] Are you kidding?! With the, with the lilies, and-and the song, and the stars! It was...really wonderful! Did you just make that up? [Ross Geller] No, actually I thought about it when, when we were going out. It's how I imagined I uh, I would ask you to marry me. [Rachel Green] Well, that would've been very hard to say no too. [Ross Geller] It's a good thing I didn't do it, because it sounds like it would've been a very expensive wedding. Okay, good night. [Rachel Green] Goodnight. [Ross Geller] Even if the sidecar had a windscreen so your hair wouldn't get messed up? [Rachel Green] I will think about it. [Ross Geller] That's all I'm askin'. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Okay that's it. I give up. At mom and dad's 40th anniversary, you're the one giving the speech. [Ross Geller] Y'know I don't understand why they didn't cry. It was a beautiful speech. [Monica Geller] Oh, come on. [Ross Geller] Hey! All that stuff you said about true love, you were right, I mean, we did learn a lot from Mom and Dad! And that picture of Chi-Chi with her mischievous grin. And what you said about Nana. Ohh, yeah she really would've wanted to be there. And you know what? I think she was. [Monica Geller] Oh good God, Ross! How the hell do you do it?

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e18", "title": "The One In Massapequa"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With Joey's Interview [Rachel Green] Hi! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] So, I'm in my apartment doing the Soap Opera Digest crossword puzzle, and guess who the clue is for three down. [Joey Tribbiani] Three down, Days Of Our Lives star blank Tribbiani. That's me!! I'm blank!! [Monica Geller] How cool is this?! We know three down! I'm touching three down! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah you are baby. [Monica Geller] Three down knows I'm married, what's three down doin'? [Rachel Green] So did they call you to tell you your name's gonna be in this? [Joey Tribbiani] No. They really like me over there. They want to do a big profile on me, but I said no. [Ross Geller] Why'd you say no? [Joey Tribbiani] Remember what happened the last time I did an interview for them? I said I write a lot of my own lines, and then the writers got mad and made my character fall down the elevator shaft. So who knows what I might say this time. [Chandler Bing] If only there was something in your head to control the things you say. [Rachel Green] Oh, come on Joey! You will totally keep it in check this time, and plus y'know the publicity would be really good for your career! And you deserve that! And if you do the interview you can mention, oh I don't know, gal pal Rachel Green? [Chandler Bing] Is that gal pal spelled L-O-S-E-R? [Rachel Green] Okay, don't listen to him. Please? [Joey Tribbiani] Fine! All right, I'll do it. But hey! You guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I y'know, start to say something stupid. [Ross Geller] Just then or-or all the time, 'cause we-we have jobs y'know. [Rachel Green] Come on! We will be there for you the whole time! Just remember gal pal Rachel Green. Ha-ha! I'm gonna be in Soap Opera Digest! And not just in the dumb crossword puzzle. Seriously, proud of you. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. --------------------------------------- [The Interviewer] I really appreciate you taking the time to do this. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, not at all. Happy to do it. [Monica Geller] You think we're being obvious? [Chandler Bing] No, we're just four people with neck problems. You talk like this. [The Interviewer] Y'know I think its great you wanted to meet here. Y'know when most people hear the magazine is paying for it they want to go to a big fancy restaurant. [Joey Tribbiani] Actually, I didn't know the magazine was paying for it. Wouldn't have mattered, I'm doing this for the fans, not for the free food. [Gunther] Can I get you anything? [The Interviewer] Umm, I'll have a cup of coffee. [Joey Tribbiani] And I'll have all the muffins. [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Ross Geller] Shhh! We're not talking. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. Finally! Oh. [The Interviewer] So, according to your bio, you've done quite a bit of work before Days of Our Lives. Anything you're particularly proud of? [Joey Tribbiani] All you want is a dingle/What you envy's a schwang/A thing through which you can tinkle/Or play with, or simply let hang... [Host] Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, you said it Mike. Aw! There's got to be a better way! [Mike] And there is Kevin. [Mike] This is the first time he's ever used this product, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. Go ahead. This works with any milk carton. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow, it is easy. Now, I can have milk everyday. [Lauren] So this is it? Victor? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I guess it is. And so... I'm gonna get on this spaceship, and I'm gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels. But when I return, 200 years from now, you'll be long gone. But I won't have aged at all. So you tell your great-great-granddaughter to look me up, because Adrienne... baby...I'm gonna want to meet her. [Joey Tribbiani] Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do...so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, you know that's bad for the paper tray. [Chandler Bing] Nice work my friend. [Joey Tribbiani] Thank you. Wait-wait-wait-wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blockin' me. There I am, there I am, there I am, there I am, there I am... [Joey Tribbiani] Well, there are so many things, it's hard to pick just one. [Phoebe Buffay] I'm gonna get some coffee, anyone want anything? [Rachel Green] Oh yeah, I'd actually love a blueberry muffin and a chamomile tea. [Ross Geller] Uh, double latte, extra foam. [Chandler Bing] And a bagel with only... [Phoebe Buffay] I was just being polite! [The Interviewer] Okay, how about when you're not working. What do you do in your spare time? [Joey Tribbiani] Look at this clown! Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. Get out of the way jackass! Who names their boat Coast Guard anyway? [Rachel Green] That is the Coast Guard. [Joey Tribbiani] What are they doing out here? The coast's all the way over there. [Chandler Bing] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes! [Joey Tribbiani] Dude! What are yo-you trying to kill me?! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much? [Ross Geller] Come on, it's fun! [Chandler Bing] All right! Isn't this a woman's hat? [Joey Tribbiani] Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea! [Chandler Bing] Y'know what, we have to turn off the porn. [Joey Tribbiani] I think you're right. [Chandler Bing] All right, ready? [Joey Tribbiani] One. [Chandler Bing] Two. [Both] Three. [Joey Tribbiani] That's kinda nice. [Chandler Bing] Yeah, that's kinda a relief. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] You wanna see if we still have it? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] FREE PORN!!! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah!! [Chandler Bing] We have free porn here!!! [Joey Tribbiani] In my spare time I uh, read to the blind. And I'm also a mento for the kids. Y'know a mento, a role model. [The Interviewer] A mento... [Joey Tribbiani] Right. [The Interviewer] Like the candy? [Joey Tribbiani] Matter of fact, I do. [The Interviewer] Well umm, another thing our readers always want to know is how our soap stars stay in such great shape. Do you have some kind of fitness regime? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, we stars just try to eat right and get lots of exercise. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! You realize that we've been throwing this ball, without dropping it, for like an hour? [Ross Geller] Are you serious?! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it. [Ross Geller] Wow! We are pretty good at this! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! [Ross Geller] Hey! We totally forgot about lunch! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I-I, I think that's the first time I ever missed a meal! Yeah, my pants are a little loose! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] What's wrong with you? [Joey Tribbiani] Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, haven't been able to stand up since. But um, I don't think it's anything serious. [Chandler Bing] This sounds like a hernia. You have to-you-you-Go to the doctor! [Joey Tribbiani] No way! 'Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything it's gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! Why did I have to start working out again? Damn you 15s! [Rachel Green] It's a trifle. It's got all of these layers. First there's a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch. Then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sauted with peas and onions, then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top! [Ross Geller] It tastes like feet! [Joey Tribbiani] I like it. [Ross Geller] Are you kidding? [Joey Tribbiani] What's not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Goooooood. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] The fridge broke. I have to eat everything. Cold cuts, ice cream, limes-Hey, what was in that brown jar? [Chandler Bing] That's still in there?! [Joey Tribbiani] Not anymore. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh! Yay! Look! There's a piece that doesn't have floor on it! [Chandler Bing] Stick to your side! [Rachel Green] Hey, come on now! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, what are we havin'? [Joey Tribbiani] Uhh, I don't believe in these crazy diets y'know, just everything in moderation. [Gunther] Your muffins. [Joey Tribbiani] I'll take those to go. For the kids. [The Interviewer] Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you. You were on the show years ago and then they killed you off. What happened there? [Joey Tribbiani] It was so stupid, I said some stuff in an interview that I shouldn't have said. But believe me, that's not gonna happen today. [The Interviewer] Understood. So, what'd you say back then? [Joey Tribbiani] Well, I said that I... --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] You guys, this is Shelley, she's interviewing me for Soap Opera Digest, and Shelley, this are my friends... [Rachel Green] Hi! I'm gal pal Rachel Green, and if you want the dirt, I'm the one you come too. This might be Joey's baby , who knows? I'm just kidding-Seriously, gal pal Rachel Green. [Ross Geller] Who just lost the respect of her unborn child. [The Interviewer] Umm, I'm gonna just go get this warmed up. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. [Monica Geller] Joey! You're doing great! [Ross Geller] Yeah, so far nothing stupid. [Chandler Bing] Mento? [Joey Tribbiani] No thanks. [The Interviewer] So, as Joey's friends, is there anything that you guys think our readers ought to know? [Ross Geller] Uh no, no just-just that he is a great guy. [Rachel Green] Yeah, that's gonna get you into Soap Opera Digest. Well I......I would just like to say that Joey truly has enriched the days of our lives. [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, I...I just think you don't expect someone so hot to be so sweet. [The Interviewer] Oh! I like that. What's your name? [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, Phoebe Buffay. [The Interviewer] How do you spell that? So we can get it right. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh okay, it's P as in Phoebe, H as in hoebe, O as in oebe, E as in ebe, B as in bee-bee and E as in 'Ello there mate! [The Interviewer] Great! Well, it was nice meeting all of you. [Ross Geller] Yeah, you too. [Rachel Green] You too! [Chandler Bing] Thanks. [Monica Geller] Bye. [The Interviewer] So it seems like you have a lot of friends, who would you say is your best friend? [Joey Tribbiani] How come you have two? [Chandler Bing] Well this one's for you. [Joey Tribbiani] Get out. [Chandler Bing] No, I can't. No-no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, it's about you and me and the fact that we're best buds. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow, is this friendship? I think so. Check it out, we're bracelet buddies. [Chandler Bing] That's what they'll call us. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh, Joey! Sorry! [Joey Tribbiani] No that's all right. Don't worry about it. [Rachel Green] Oh but look! That's gonna leave a stain! [Joey Tribbiani] Rach! Hey! It's fine! You're at Joey's! [Rachel Green] Really? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Look! [Rachel Green] I've never lived like this before. [Joey Tribbiani] I know. [Joey Tribbiani] All right, don't waste it, I mean its still food. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] All right I've been feeling incredibly guilty about this, because I wanna be a good friend, and damnit I am a good friend. So just, just shut up and close your eyes. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow, you are a good friend, 'course the audition was this morning, and I didn't get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl. [Joey Tribbiani] All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. And they're off! [Phoebe Buffay] Get your foot off my contestant! Judge! [Joey Tribbiani] Judge rules, no violation. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohhh. [Joey Tribbiani] And the duck gets the Nutter-Butter! [Phoebe Buffay] No!! Hey-hey that's not a Nutter-Butter, that's just an old Wonton! [Joey Tribbiani] Judge rules, Nutter-Butter. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohh, tough call. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] I'd seen this thing on The Discovery Channel... [Ross Geller] Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?! [Phoebe Buffay] Ewwww!! [Monica Geller] You can't say that!! You-you don't know!! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldn't...bend that way. So... [Phoebe Buffay] Ewwww!! [Joey Tribbiani] That's right I stepped up! She's my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, I'd pee on anyone of you! [Joey Tribbiani] Umm, no. No best friend, no. Just a lot of close friends. [The Interviewer] So umm, now back to the show. How does it feel to have a huge gay fan base? [Joey Tribbiani] Really? Me? Wow! I don't even know any huge gay people! [Chandler Bing] It hurts me. It physically hurts me. [The Interviewer] Now, off the record, you're not... [Joey Tribbiani] What? Are you referring to my man's bag? At first, I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too. Check it out! It's got compartments for all your stuff! Your wallet! Your keys! Your address book! [Ross Geller] Your make-up! [Ross Geller] Okay. Now-now-now should I climb down your front so we're face to face or-or should I climb down your back so we're-we're butt to face. [Joey Tribbiani] I think face to face. [Ross Geller] I would say that. [Joey Tribbiani] Face to face, yeah! [Ross Geller] Okay, here I go. [Joey Tribbiani] All right. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my... How much do you weigh Ross?! [Ross Geller] I prefer not to answer that right now, I'm still carrying a little holiday weight. [Joey Tribbiani] Y'know, when we talked about face to face, I don't think we thought it all the way through. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey Pheebs! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Joey Tribbiani] Check it out. How much of a man am I?! [Phoebe Buffay] Wow! Nice! Manly and also kind of a slut. [Chandler Bing] You're turning into a woman. [Joey Tribbiani] No I'm not. Why would you say that? That's just mean. [Chandler Bing] Now I've upset you? What did I say? [Joey Tribbiani] It's not what you said. It's the way you said it... Oh My God, I'm a woman!!! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Great nap. [Ross Geller] It really was. [Joey Tribbiani] Uh me? Gay? No! No. No, but I have a number of close friends who are. [The Interviewer] So, let's talk about women. I'm sure our female readers will be interested to know about your romantic life. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh-oh-oh-oh, how I do it is, I look a woman up and down and say, "Hey, how you doin'?" [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, please! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, how you doin'? --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! How you doin'? [Woman] He has the most amazing Porsche under there! [Joey Tribbiani] I'd love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. She's sleeping. Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? [Woman] Hi, is Rachel here? I'm her sister. [Rachel Green] Oh my God, Jill! [Jill Green] Oh my God, Rachel! [Chandler Bing] Oh my God, introduce us! [Rachel Green] This is Chandler. [Jill Green] Hi! [Rachel Green] And you know Monica and Ross! [Ross Geller] Hi Jill. [Rachel Green] And that's Phoebe , and that's Joey. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, how you doin'? [Rachel Green] Don't!! [Janine] No! I mean you're a really nice guy and I'm happy to be your roommate and your friend, I'm just y'know, I just don't feel that way about you. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh! I see what happened. It's because I was trying to repel you. Right? Believe me, you'd feel a lot different if I turned it on. [Janine] I don't think so. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I do. How you doin? [Janine] I'm okay. [Joey Tribbiani] What?!?! Oh dear God! [Joey Tribbiani] Not much to tell there I'm really shy. [The Interviewer] So, that's it. I guess that's all I need. Thank you so much. I think they will be running this in the beginning of next month. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh great! Great! Thank you. [The Interviewer] Bye. [Joey Tribbiani] Bye-bye. I did it! [Rachel Green] Yeah! [Ross Geller] Amazing! Amazing! [The Interviewer] Oh wait! I almost forgot. We have to ask everybody this. Other than Days of Our Lives, what's your favorite soap opera? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, I don't watch soap operas. Excuse me, I have a life, y'know? [The Interviewer] Thank you. The readers at Soap Opera Digest will be happy to hear that. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, good to know. So close! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Wow! I can't believe they didn't put it in the part where you said you didn't watch soap operas. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I called the lady about that. I told her I was just joking. She was pretty nice about that. [Monica Geller] You slept with her didn't you? [Joey Tribbiani] Little bit, yeah. [Ross Geller] Wow! This picture of you sure is steamy. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh yeah, that's just a little something for my huge gay fan base. [Ross Geller] Did you just wink at me? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, you're the one that loves the picture.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e19", "title": "The One With Joey's Interview"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Baby Shower [Rachel Green] Hi! [Monica Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! [Rachel Green] So what's the final head count on my baby shower? [Phoebe Buffay] About twenty, a couple people from work who had something else to do. [Monica Geller] Also both of your sisters called and neither can make it. [Rachel Green] What?! You mean they're not coming to a social event where there's no men and there's no booze?! That's shocking! I don't care, as long as my mom's here. [Monica Geller] Oh my God, your mother! [Rachel Green] What?! My mom's not gonna be here?! [Monica Geller] Well, given that we forgot to invite her it would be an awfully big coincidence if she was. [Rachel Green] My God! [Monica Geller] Well it wasn't my fault, Phoebe was in charge of the invitations! [Phoebe Buffay] Well I don't, I don't have a mother so often I forget that other people... [Monica Geller] Oh give it a rest! [Rachel Green] So my mother is not coming to my baby shower?! [Phoebe Buffay] No. Neither is mine. [Monica Geller] Okay, y'know what? Don't worry, okay? We'll take care of it. We'll call her. Just go home and get ready. [Rachel Green] Please, make sure she comes. It's really important to me, I mean it's my mom! [Phoebe Buffay] I know. I know, what's her number? [Rachel Green] I don't know. [Monica Geller] Go! I have it in my book. Go! Wait a minute! If you're in charge of the invitations why am I the one who has to call her-Hello Mrs. Green! Hi, it's Monica Geller. [Sandra Green] Oh, hello Monica. [Monica Geller] Hi, umm I know this is last minute, but we've decided to throw an impromptu baby shower for Rachel today. [Sandra Green] I know, my daughter's told me about it when they received their impromptu invitations a month ago. [Monica Geller] Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm-I'm so sorry. [Sandra Green] For what dear? For not inviting me or lying about it? [Monica Geller] Oh my God, my ass is sweating! Please! Please! Can you come? It's today at four. [Sandra Green] Well all right. I'll see you at four. [Monica Geller] Thank you. [Phoebe Buffay] Isn't it at three? [Monica Geller] Son of a bitch! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey Joe! You wanna shoot some hoops? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh no, I can't go. I'm practicing; I got an audition to be the host of a new game show. [Ross Geller] Oh cool! [Chandler Bing] That's great. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah-yeah, and if I get it by day I'll Dr. Drake Remoray, but by night I'll be Joey Trrrribbiani! [Chandler Bing] You'll be perfect for this! That's already your name! [Joey Tribbiani] But the audition's in a couple hours and I don't even understand the game. [Ross Geller] Well do you want some help? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh really? That'd be great! You guys can be the contestants! [Ross Geller] Awesome! [Chandler Bing] Okay, I guess we can lose to junior high girls some other time. [Joey Tribbiani] All right! Let's play Bamboozled! [Chandler Bing] Bamboozled? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, isn't that a cool name? [Ross Geller] Yeah! [Chandler Bing] No! [Joey Tribbiani] All right. Uhh, okay. Our first contestant is Ross Geller. Why don't you tell us a little something about you Ross? [Ross Geller] Well uh, I-I'm a paleontologist. Umm, I-I live in New York. I have a son Ben. Uh, hi Ben! And uh... [Joey Tribbiani] I said a little bit Ross. Now, how about you Chandler? [Chandler Bing] Well Joey, I'm a headhunter. I hook up out of work Soviet scientists with rogue third-world nations. Hi Rasputin! [Joey Tribbiani] Excellent! Let's play Bamboozled! Chandler, you'll go first. What is the capital of Columbia? [Chandler Bing] Bogota. [Joey Tribbiani] It's Ba-go-ta, but close enough. Now, you can either pass your turn to Ross or pick a Wicked Wango card. [Chandler Bing] What does a Wicked Wango card do? [Joey Tribbiani] I should know that. Let's see, just one moment please. Umm, here we are, a Wicked Wango card determines whether you go higher or lower. [Chandler Bing] Higher or lower than what? [Joey Tribbiani] This is embarrassing. [Chandler Bing] Can you believe how lame this is? [Ross Geller] I'm sorry, I don't believe contestants are allowed to talk to each other. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I told the stripper to be here at five. That's good right? [Monica Geller] You ordered a stripper for the shower?! That is totally inappropriate! [Phoebe Buffay] What? He's gonna be dressed as a baby! Oh hi Mrs. Green! [Monica Geller] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] I'm so glad you could make it. [Monica Geller] Yes, thank you so much. And again, we're so sorry. We could not feel worse about it. [Sandra Green] Try. There's my little girl. [Monica Geller] She's still mad. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah I know. Isn't it great? One less person we have to make small talk with. [Monica Geller] Phoebe, Sandra's mad at you too. It-it doesn't bother you? [Phoebe Buffay] No look, we've apologized twice! I can't do anymore than that. I know you hate it when people are mad at you but you just have to be okay with it. [Monica Geller] Okay. I can do that. I gotta go powder my ass. [Sandra Green] Look at that face! Just like when you were in high school! If I didn't know better I'd say you were a cheerleader in trouble. Come on, let's get some tea. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Sandra Green] Oh my look at that. Only three weeks to go, now have you picked your nanny yet? Now I don't want you to use your housekeeper 'cause it would just split her focus. [Rachel Green] Oh well actually gonna use a nanny and uh, I don't even have a housekeeper. [Sandra Green] It's like you're a cave person. Rachel, you must get a nanny. You don't know how overwhelming this is going to be. I mean when you were a baby I had full time help, I had Mrs. Kay. [Rachel Green] Mrs. Kay! Oh yeah, she was sweet. She taught me Spanish. I actually think I remember some of it, tu madre es loca. [Sandra Green] Such a sweet woman. [Rachel Green] Well, however great she was I just can't afford that. [Sandra Green] Oh Rachel! [Rachel Green] What? [Sandra Green] I just had the greatest idea! I'm gonna come live with you! [Rachel Green] Wh-wh-what? What? [Sandra Green] Oh, I'm so happy I'm gonna do this for my little girl. Aw, look at you. You have tears in your eyes. [Rachel Green] Yes. Yes I do. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] All right Ross you're in the lead, would you like to take another question or spin the Wheel of Mayhem? [Ross Geller] The wheel has not been my friend tonight Joey. Uh, I'll take another question. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, this is gonna be tough. Hold your breath. [Ross Geller] It's okay, I'm ready. [Joey Tribbiani] No dude, you gotta hold your breath until you're ready to answer the question. [Chandler Bing] This is ridiculous, he's not gonna hold his breath... [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, what do you have a fear of if you suffer from this phobia, Tris...Holy cow, that's a big word. Trisc... Seriously look at this thing. Chandler, how do you say that? [Chandler Bing] Let me see that. [Joey Tribbiani] This one right here. [Chandler Bing] Triscadecaphobia. [Ross Geller] The fear of Triscuts! [Joey Tribbiani] No! No, fear of the number 13. [Chandler Bing] Fear of Triscuts? [Ross Geller] It's possible, they have really sharp edges. [Joey Tribbiani] All right Chandler, you're up. [Ross Geller] Wait a minute, I-I believe I'm entitled to use my Angel Pass for a free turn? [Chandler Bing] This game makes no sense! [Ross Geller] Y'know what? You're just upset because you're losing. [Chandler Bing] Oh come on Ross, I think we're all losers here. [Joey Tribbiani] All right. Chandler, you can either spin the wheel or pick a Google card. [Chandler Bing] Let me think. Let me think-Oh! I don't care. [Joey Tribbiani] You-you must choose Mr. Bing. [Chandler Bing] Either, it makes no difference. [Joey Tribbiani] Choose, you jackass! [Chandler Bing] I'll take a card. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, you picked the Gimmie card! You get all of Ross's points! [Ross Geller] What?! [Chandler Bing] This game is kinda fun. [Ross Geller] You don't think it's a little crazy that you get all my points just 'cause you... [Chandler Bing] I don't think the contestants are supposed to speak to each other. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Why did you invite my mother?! [Monica Geller] What? [Rachel Green] She wants to move in with me and Ross to help take care of the baby. [Phoebe Buffay] For how long? [Rachel Green] Eight weeks. I mean I love my mother, but my God, a long lunch with her is taxing. [Monica Geller] I personally would be honored if she wanted to live with me. [Phoebe Buffay] She can't hear you. [Rachel Green] What? You guys, come on! What am I going to do? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, if you don't want your mother to move in with you, just tell her. [Rachel Green] You're right. You're right. I mean I'm about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I don't want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! She's gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen! [Monica Geller] That's right. That is right, you go over there and tell her you don't want her to live with you. Do not take no for an answer! [Rachel Green] Okay. [Monica Geller] This is great! Now she's gonna be mad at Rachel! Y'know what? And I'm just gonna swoop in there and be like the daughter she never had. [Phoebe Buffay] I have new respect for Chandler. All right everybody! It's time to open the presents! [Monica Geller] Yes! Yes! And I think that the first gift that Rachel opens should be from the grandmother of the baby, because you're the most important person in this room. And in the world! [Sandra Green] Well uh, I don't have a gift because I wasn't invited until the last minute, but thank you so much for bringing that to everyone's attention. [Phoebe Buffay] How about you less important people, let's open your presents! [Rachel Green] Mom that's okay that you didn't get you a gift! [Sandra Green] Well, I kinda did. Me. Eight weeks of me. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah. Okay, see mom, the truth is I can do this on my own. [Sandra Green] Sweetheart I know you're gonna be terrific mom, I just think you need a little help, especially at the beginning. [Rachel Green] But mom, I really know what I'm doing. I can handle this. [Sandra Green] Really? Remember Twinkles? [Rachel Green] He was a hamster! I am not going to vacuum up my baby! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, come on Rach it's present time! Y'know you're the glue that's holding this whole party together. It's kinda falling apart here. [Sandra Green] Oh look. [Rachel Green] Wow! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, this is from your friend at work. [Rachel Green] Oh my gosh! Oh wow! Oh, I know what this is! Wait a minute. That can't be right. Is that a beer bong for a baby? [Sandra Green] Darling, that's a breast pump! [Rachel Green] Did I say I was done guessing? Okay, thank you for that. Oh wow! What's this? [Woman] It's a diaper genie. [Rachel Green] Oh, it dispenses clean diapers! [Woman] No! It's where you put the dirty ones! [Rachel Green] Well that's gross, why don't you just take it outside and throw it in a dumpster? [Sandra Green] Oh you're gonna do that ten times a day? [Rachel Green] What?! It goes ten times a day! What are we feeding this baby?! Indian food?! [Sandra Green] No dear, that's what babies do. [Monica Geller] Rachel, listen to your mother. She is very smart. [Sandra Green] Plus, what are you planning on doing with the baby while you're trotting out to the garbage ten times a day? [Rachel Green] I don't know, I'd leave it on the changing table? What?! What'd I do? What'd I do?! [Sandra Green] You can't leave a baby alone! [Rachel Green] Oh come--Of course I know that. I mean of course you never leave a baby alone! I mean who would-she wouldn't be safe as she would be with me, the baby dummy. Oh God, okay. Y'know what? I think opening the presents right now is a little overwhelming right now. So I think umm, I'm just gonna maybe open them a little bit later, but thank you all for coming. And for these beautiful gifts, and this basket is beautiful. [Woman] It's actually a bassinet. [Rachel Green] Okay mommy, don't ever leave me. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] In what John Houston film would you hear this line, "Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!" [Chandler Bing] Treasure of the Sierra Madre! [Joey Tribbiani] Correct! There's a possible backwards bonus! [Chandler Bing] Madre Sierra the of Treasure! [Joey Tribbiani] Yes! [Chandler Bing] I'd like to go up the ladder of chance to the golden mud hut please. [Joey Tribbiani] Wise choice, how many rungs? [Chandler Bing] Six! [Joey Tribbiani] That noise can only me one thing. [Chandler Bing] Hungry monkey. [Ross Geller] Hungry monkey! Haaa! I'd like a Wicked Wango card! [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, it's an audio question, name this television theme song. [Ross Geller] Oh. Oh! Oh my God! Okay, I know this, give me-give me a second! [Chandler Bing] Tell it to the Time Turtle! [Ross Geller] Shut up! I Dream of Genie! [Joey Tribbiani] Yes! Yes, you're back in the lead! [Ross Geller] I'd like to spin the wheel! [Chandler Bing] Oh come on!! [Joey Tribbiani] All right! All right! Uh, umm, Super-Speedy Speed round! [Ross Geller] Is there a hopping bonus? [Joey Tribbiani] Of course! [Joey Tribbiani] Who invented bifocals? [Ross Geller] Ben Franklin. [Joey Tribbiani] Correct! Which monarch has ruled Great Britain the longest? [Ross Geller] Queen Victoria. [Joey Tribbiani] Correct again! But, you forgot to switch legs between questions, so no hopping bonus! [Ross Geller] Noooo!!! Every time!!! [Joey Tribbiani] Now, over to Chandler. [Chandler Bing] I'd like a Google Card. [Joey Tribbiani] Are you sure? [Chandler Bing] Yes! No! Google! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God! Congratulations Ross, because Chandler, you've been Bamboozled! [Chandler Bing] Nooo!! [Ross Geller] Yeah!! [Chandler Bing] This is the best game ever!!! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] So umm, you're gonna stay with me as long as I need you? [Sandra Green] Of course I am! [Rachel Green] Oh mom, I swear I'm not an idiot. I've read all kinds of books on pregnancy and giving birth, but I-I just didn't think to read the part about what to do when the baby comes. And-and then guess what? The baby's coming and I don't know what to do. Oh, can I throw up in my diaper genie? [Sandra Green] No. Sweetie, you're gonna be fine. [Rachel Green] Wait-wait where are you going? Where are you going? [Sandra Green] I'm going to the bathroom. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Sandra Green] Now don't worry! Everything's gonna be okay. [Monica Geller] It is going to be okay! It was worth a shot. [Ross Geller] Hey! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! Why are you all red and sweaty? [Ross Geller] I just Bamboozled Chandler! Which is not uh sexual thing. That was a quick shower. [Phoebe Buffay] Not if you were here. [Ross Geller] Wow! It looks like we got a lot of good stuff. [Rachel Green] Oh we did, but my mom got us the greatest gift of all. [Ross Geller] A Play-Dough Barber Shop? [Rachel Green] No. She's going to live with us for eight weeks. [Ross Geller] Uh, what? [Rachel Green] Yes! She's gonna help us take care of the baby! Woo-hoo. [Ross Geller] What-You're not serious. I mean she's a very nice woman, but there is no way we can take eight weeks of her. She'll drive us totally crazy. [Sandra Green] Hi Ross! [Ross Geller] Hi roomie! --------------------------------------- [Man] Hey Joey, hi! I'm Ray; I'm the producer of the show. [Joey Tribbiani] It's a pleasure to meet you Ray. [Ray] And this is Duncan and Erin, they're gonna help us out with the audition. So uh, let's get the camera rolling. [Joey Tribbiani] Rightie-O Ray! [Ray] Whenever you're ready. [Joey Tribbiani] Hello, I'm Joey Tribbiani! Let's play Bamboozled! Erin, you get the first question! In hockey, who is known as The Great One? [Erin] Wayne Gretzky. [Joey Tribbiani] Correct! Now, would you like to pick a Wicked Wango card or spin the Wheel of Mayhem? [Ray] Uh Joey, didn't your agents give you the revised rules? We've eliminated all of that. No wheel, no cards. [Joey Tribbiani] What-Why?! [Ray] Uh well, the game was too complicated and research showed people didn't follow it. [Joey Tribbiani] Well what's complicated? You spin the Wheel of Mayhem to go up the Ladder of Chance. You go past the Mud Hut through the Rainbow Ring to get to the Golden Monkey; you yank his tail and boom! You're in Paradise Pond! [Ray] Yeah all that's gone. It's basically just a simple question and answer game now. [Joey Tribbiani] Well what's fun about that? You expect me to be the host of a boring game that's just people standing around answering questions? [Ray] Well, there'll be women in bikinis holding up the scores. [Joey Tribbiani] Let's play Bamboozled! --------------------------------------- [Sandra Green] ...and all those dinosaur nick-knacks you have Ross, I thought they might be more at home in the garage. [Ross Geller] Well we...we don't have a garage. [Sandra Green] Did I say garage? I meant garbage. [Ross Geller] Y'know what? Maybe, Mrs. Green, it's not absolutely vital that you live with us. [Sandra Green] Well Rachel needs help with the baby. [Rachel Green] I do. I really do. I don't know anything. [Ross Geller] I'm-I'm sure that's not true. [Rachel Green] Oh no? Pheebs? Monica? Do I know anything about babies? [Phoebe Buffay] No, not a thing. [Monica Geller] It's frightening. [Ross Geller] Well uh, y'know what? Even if she doesn't know anything, I do! I have a son. And his mother and I didn't live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself. [Sandra Green] That's true. You do have another child. [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Sandra Green] With another woman. Have you no control Ross? [Ross Geller] That's a different issue. Uh, the point is, when the baby comes I will be there to...to feed her and bathe her and change her. And more than that I want to do all those things. [Sandra Green] Well then you really don't need me to live with you. [Ross Geller] Yes! Yes, you're gonna be so missed. [Sandra Green] You're gonna be a great father. [Ross Geller] Well you're gonna be a wonderful grandma. [Rachel Green] Hello?! I still don't know what the hell I'm doing! [Ross Geller] Oh, come on, every first time mother feels that way. You'll-you're gonna pick it up. Hey! You will! Uh look, y'know when you first came to the city? You were this spoiled helpless little girl who-who still used daddy's credit card. Do you remember? [Rachel Green] I hope you're going somewhere with this. [Ross Geller] Look at you! What-You're-you're this big executive! You are much more capable than you give yourself credit for. I-I have no doubt you're gonna be an incredible mother. [Rachel Green] Really? [Ross Geller] I'm telling you. [Rachel Green] Thank you. [Sandra Green] All right you two, I'm gonna get going. [Ross Geller] Oh. [Sandra Green] Oh no-no-no-no sweetheart, you stay put. I'll let myself out. It's like I'm not here, which I almost wasn't. [Monica Geller] You're still so funny. You're so funny. What do I do? [Phoebe Buffay] Nothing! You have apologized to her like a million times and she's been nothing but terrible to you. And don't forget you just threw her daughter a lovely, albeit slightly boring, shower, and she hasn't even thanked you for it. [Monica Geller] Y'know what? You're-you're right. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah I mean if you want to say anything to her, I'd tell her off. [Monica Geller] Really? [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh! [Monica Geller] Okay! I will! Mrs. Green? Mrs. Green! It is rude to leave a party without saying good-bye to the host! Yeah, and-and also when someone apologizes to you the decent thing to do is to accept it! Now what I did to you, it wasn't on purpose! But what you're during to me now is just plain spiteful! [Sandra Green] Spiteful?! [Monica Geller] That's right! Maybe it's time you took a good hard look at a mirror young lady...old lady...lady! [Phoebe Buffay] Wrap it up, wrap it up, wrap it up... [Monica Geller] So whenever you're ready to apologize to me, I will forgive you. Good day! I can't feel my legs! [Phoebe Buffay] You were fantastic! I'm so proud of you! [Monica Geller] Yeah? I'm proud of me too. [Phoebe Buffay] You should be! [Monica Geller] Yeah could-could-could you get me something to drink? [Phoebe Buffay] You got it! [Monica Geller] Okay. Mrs. Green! Okay I'm really sorry!! I'm apologizing for the- Okay, I bit my tongue, but I'm still really sorry! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Okay! I'm ready. [Ross Geller] You sure? [Rachel Green] Yes, I've done my studying and I really know my stuff. [Ross Geller] All right then. Rachel Green! Let's play Bamboozled! How do you test the temperature of the baby's bath water? [Rachel Green] Uh, put your elbow in it. [Ross Geller] Excellent! How do you put a baby down for a nap? [Rachel Green] Full, dry, on its back, and no loose covers. [Ross Geller] That's correct! This is an audio question, what do you do when the baby makes this sound? [Rachel Green] Check if it's wet, check if it's hungry, burp it! [Ross Geller] Excellent! Excellent, now-now do you want another question or a Wicked Wango card? [Rachel Green] A card! A card! I pick a card! [Ross Geller] Oh, I'm sorry you've been Bamboozled! You're gonna be a terrible mother! I've lost sight of why we're doing this!

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e20", "title": "The One With The Baby Shower"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One With The Cooking Class [Ross Geller] Hey you guys I got some bad news. [Phoebe Buffay] Well that's no way to sell newspapers. Why don't you try, "Extra! Extra! Read all about it!" [Ross Geller] No, Monica's restaurant got a horrible review in the Post. I didn't want her to see it, so I ran around the neighborhood and bought all the copies I could find. [Joey Tribbiani] Man, this is bad! And I've had my share of bad reviews. I still remember my first good one though. "Everything else in this production of Our Town was simply terrible. Joey Tribbiani was abysmal." [Monica Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hey. [Monica Geller] Oh my God! Look at all the newspapers! It must be a good review! Is it great?! [Ross Geller] Umm... [Monica Geller] Oh dear God! [Ross Geller] But the good news is, no one in a two-block radius will ever know. [Monica Geller] What about the rest of Manhattan?! [Ross Geller] Yeah, they all know. [Monica Geller] Oh my God, this is horrible! [Chandler Bing] I'm so sorry. [Monica Geller] I'm so humiliated! [Rachel Green] Yeah but y'know what they say Mon, "There's no such thing as bad press." [Monica Geller] You don't think that umm, "The chef's Mahi Mahi was awful awful," is bad press? [Rachel Green] I didn't write it. [Monica Geller] Is he right? Am I really-Am I awful? [#ALL#] No! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Yeah Monica! You listen to me, okay? And I'm not just saying this because I'm your friend, I'm sayin' it 'cause it's the truth. You're food is abysmal! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ross! [Ross Geller] What?! What? [Rachel Green] I am freaking out! [Ross Geller] Are ya? [Rachel Green] My due date is in one week! [Ross Geller] What are you doing up? [Rachel Green] That is seven days! [Ross Geller] Okay look, I had a lot of water before I went to bed. Can we do this after... [Rachel Green] No-no-no-no-no Ross! Please, come on we do not have any of the big stuff we need! We do not a changing table! We do not have a crib! We do not have a diaper service! [Ross Geller] It's funny you should mention diapers. [Rachel Green] I'm serious. [Ross Geller] Okay look, there's nothing to worry about. We have plenty of time. There's a great baby furniture store on west 10th. Tomorrow, we will go there and we will get you everything that you need. Okay? [Rachel Green] Okay. Thank you. That's great. Thank you. Wait-wait! Where on west 10th? Because there's this really cute shoe store that has like this little... [Ross Geller] Okay. Okay. If uh, if you're gonna do this, then I'm gonna do that. So... [Rachel Green] Oh, wait Ross! I'm sorry, one more thing! [Ross Geller] Yeah! [Rachel Green] Umm, our situation. Y'know umm, what we mean to each other. And I mean we-we're having this baby together, and we live together. Isn't that, isn't that weird? [Ross Geller] Well uh... [Rachel Green] I'm just kidding! You can go pee! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Joey! Now that you're here... [Joey Tribbiani] Sure, I can hang out 'til I have to meet ya. What uh-How come you're not going? [Chandler Bing] I have a job interview I have to get ready for. [Joey Tribbiani] I thought you already have a job. [Chandler Bing] And people say you don't pay attention. No, this is a much better job. It's vice-president of a company that does data reconfiguration and statistical factoring for other companies. [Joey Tribbiani] Wow! How do you know how to do that?! [Chandler Bing] That's what I do now. [Monica Geller] Hey Joey, come taste this. [Joey Tribbiani] What is it? [Monica Geller] Remember that guy that gave me a bad review? Well... I'm getting my revenge! [Joey Tribbiani] You cooked him? [Monica Geller] No. He Teaches A Course On Food Criticism At The New School, So Before We Go To The Movies I Wanna Go By There And Make Him Try My Bouillabaisse Again. Oh, I Cannot Wait To Read The Front Page Of The Post Tomorrow! "Restaurant Reviewer Admits I was wrong about Monica." [Chandler Bing] The front page? You really do live in your own little world, don't ya? --------------------------------------- [Cashier] Do you uh, want these things delivered Mr. and Mrs. Geller? [Rachel Green] Oh. [Ross Geller] Oh. [Rachel Green] No-no-no! No, no, no, we're not married. [Ross Geller] We are having a baby together, but we're not involved. I mean, uh we-we were seeing each other a while ago, but then we were just friends. And then there was one drunken night. Or, yes stranger, we'd like this delivered please. [Cashier] Why don't you fill out this address card. [Ross Geller] Oh, okay. [Cashier] I notice you picked out a lot of our dinosaur items. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah! Actually, that's one of the reasons why we're not a couple. [Ross Geller] I chose those, I'm a paleontologist. [Cashier] Really?! That is so cool! [Rachel Green] Oh. Oh yeah, don't get to worked up over it. I mean it-it sounds like he's a doctor, but he's not. [Cashier] Oh no-no, I'm fascinated by paleontology. Have you read the new Walter Alvarez book? [Ross Geller] Yeah! I-I teach it in my class. [Rachel Green] Oh my God! I'm standing at a cash register, holding a credit card, and I'm bored. [Cashier] Oh, I love your neighborhood. There's a great gym right around the corner from your building. [Ross Geller] That's my gym. [Cashier] I can tell you work out. A paleontologist who works out, you're like Indiana Jones. [Ross Geller] I am like Indiana Jones. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Hi Pheebs! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey! Oh, how did baby shopping go? [Rachel Green] Oh, it was great! We got everything that we needed! Oh and Ross, almost got something that wasn't on the list. A whore. [Phoebe Buffay] What?! [Rachel Green] Well, we were paying for our stuff and this saleswoman just started flirting with him. [Phoebe Buffay] Well did she know you two weren't married? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh my God! Well the idea of a woman flirting with a-with a single man, we-we must alert the church elders! [Rachel Green] You don't understand! You didn't see how brazen she was. [Phoebe Buffay] Sounds like you're a little jealous. [Rachel Green] No! I'm not! I-I-I just think it's wrong! It's-it's that I'm-Here I am about to pop and he's out picking up some shop girl at Sluts 'R' Us! [Phoebe Buffay] Is that a real place? Are they hiring? [Chandler Bing] Hey Phoebe! Fatty! [Phoebe Buffay] Hey Chandler, why so fancy? [Chandler Bing] Well, I got a job interview. It's kinda a big deal too. Its a lot more money and I'd be doing data reconfiguration and statistical factoring. [Phoebe Buffay] Wait, I think I know someone who does that. [Chandler Bing] Me! I do that. So... Seriously, do I look okay? I'm little nervous. [Rachel Green] Oh yeah! You really-You look great. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah, just don't get your hopes up. [Chandler Bing] Why not? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, the interview... [Chandler Bing] What about it? [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know! You don't make a very good first impression. [Chandler Bing] What?! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh you don't know. [Chandler Bing] Are you serious?! [Phoebe Buffay] Yes, when I first met you, you were like, "Blah, blah, blah." I was like, shhh! [Chandler Bing] What is it that I do? [Phoebe Buffay] Well it's just like you're trying too hard. Always making jokes, y'know, you just-You come off a little needy. [Chandler Bing] Did you like me when we first met? [Rachel Green] Chandler, I'm not gonna lie to ya, but I am gonna run away from you. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hi! Umm, I'm Monica Geller, I'm the chef at Alessandro's. [The Food Critic] Still? [Monica Geller] I think the things that you said about me are really unfair, and I would like for you to give my bouillabaisse another chance. [The Food Critic] I don't see any reason why I would do that to myself again. [Joey Tribbiani] Either eat it, or be in it. [Monica Geller] Spoon? So, what do you think? [The Food Critic] I'm torn, between my integrity and my desire to avoid a beating. But I must be honest, your soup is abysmal. [Joey Tribbiani] Thata girl! Huh? We should get out of here; there's a new class comin' in. [The Cooking Teacher] Welcome to introduction to cooking. Now, before we start, can anyone tell me the difference between a hollandaise sauce and a bearnaise sauce? [Monica Geller] I can. [The Cooking Teacher] Okay, go ahead. [Monica Geller] Well umm, they both have a egg yolk and butter base, but a bearnaise has shallots, shirvel, and most importantly tarragon. [The Cooking Teacher] That's very good, what's your name? [Monica Geller] Monica. [The Cooking Teacher] Monica, you go to the head of the class. [Monica Geller] Okay. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] All this stuff takes up a lot of room. Hey how uh, how serious are you about keeping Ben in your life? [Ross Geller] My son? Pretty serious. Oh hey Katie! What uh, what are you doing here? [Katie (saleswoman)] Well, the delivery went out to you and I realized they forgot this. [Ross Geller] Ah, must've been fairly obvious since it was the only thing left in your store. [Katie (saleswoman)] Listen, to be honest, home deliveries are really a part of my job description. [Ross Geller] Oh. [Katie (saleswoman)] Oh uh...I actually came here to ask you out. [Ross Geller] Oh! Wow! Uh, yeah! That sounds great. I'm just gonna put this back in my pocket, pretend that didn't happen. Uh yeah, actually I'm free now. Do you wanna grab some coffee or... [Katie (saleswoman)] Sure! [Rachel Green] Horny bitch. No! You're a horny bitch! Noooo! You're the horny bitch! No! You're a horny bitch! --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] So you guys go, have a really good time. [Ross Geller] Yeah, I'm just gonna grab my coat. And uh, and my whip. Y'know because of the Indiana Jones? Not-not because I'm-I'm into S&M. I'm not-I'm not into anything weird. Y'know? Just-just normal sex. So, I'm gonna grab my coat. [Rachel Green] So, you had a good day huh? Big commission; picked up a daddy. [Katie (saleswoman)] Are you okay with this? [Rachel Green] Oh yeah! Yeah please, you guys have fun. [Katie (saleswoman)] Okay. It was nice to see you. [Rachel Green] Oh and it was great to see you too. And you look fantastic, although you missed a button. [Katie (saleswoman)] Oh umm, actually I umm... [Rachel Green] Oh okay, I see what you're doing there. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] I can't even believe this! I really come off that badly? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! It's okay, you calm down after a while and then people can see how really sweet and wonderful you really are. [Chandler Bing] Oh good. Good, because I'm sure this interview is gonna last a couple of weeks. [Phoebe Buffay] All right, don't freak out! Okay? I-I will help you. How long before you have to leave? [Chandler Bing] An hour. [Phoebe Buffay] I can't help you. [Chandler Bing] Phoebe! [Phoebe Buffay] All right, all right, we'll just do our best. Okay? So let's say I'm the interviewer and I'm meeting you for the first time. Okay. "Hi! Come on in, I'm uh, Regina Philange." [Chandler Bing] Chandler Bing. [Phoebe Buffay] Bing, what an unusual name. [Chandler Bing] Well you should meet my uncle, Bada. I'll let myself out. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hi. [The Cooking Teacher] Your Fettuccini Alfredo looks a little dry, did you use all your cheese? [Joey Tribbiani] When you say used, do you mean eat as a pre-cooking snack? [The Cooking Teacher] And the cream? [Joey Tribbiani] Cheese makes me thirsty. [The Cooking Teacher] Okay. Let's move on. [Joey Tribbiani] All right. [The Cooking Teacher] Oh! Something smells good over at Monica's station! Oh my God! This is absolutely amazing! You've never made this before? [Monica Geller] Oh no! I don't know anything about cooking. I had to ask someone what it's called when the, when the water makes those little bubbles. [The Cooking Teacher] Well, hats off to the chef. [Monica Geller] I-I-I'm sorry, your-your mouth was full, I didn't hear what you said. Umm, hats off to who now? [The Cooking Teacher] The chef! [Monica Geller] That's right. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] ...I think you'll find if I come to work here, I don't micro-manage. I don't shy away from delegating. [Phoebe Buffay] Um-hmm, that's good to know. But let's stop focusing on what you don't do, and start focusing on what you do do. [Chandler Bing] What I do do...is manage to uh, create an atmosphere of support for the people working with me. [Phoebe Buffay] I see. Nice sidestep on the do do thing by the way. [Chandler Bing] Hardest thing I've ever done in my life. [Phoebe Buffay] You gotta go! [Chandler Bing] Oh! [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, don't worry. You're ready. [Chandler Bing] Really? [Phoebe Buffay] Absolutely! Just fight all your natural instincts and you'll be great. [Chandler Bing] Okay. --------------------------------------- [The Cooking Teacher] Ah Monica, my star student. [Monica Geller] Y'know, you called me that before so I-I took the liberty of fashioning a star out of aluminum foil. Now, no pressure, you like my cookies, you give me the star. [The Cooking Teacher] Oh, yum-yum-yum. [Monica Geller] Wow! A star! I know you all hate me and-and I'm sorry, but I don't care. [The Cooking Teacher] Okay Joey, you're up next. This are good! This is amazing! You get an A! [Joey Tribbiani] I can an A? In-in school? Hey, I'm a dork. [Monica Geller] Joey! I'm so proud of you! [The Cooking Teacher] I think you should give him your star. [Monica Geller] Excuse me? He doesn't even know what he's doing! [The Cooking Teacher] We're all beginners here. Nobody knows what they're doing. [Monica Geller] I do! I'm a professional chef! Oh relax! It's not a courtroom drama! [The Cooking Teacher] If you're a professional chef, what are you doing taking Introduction to Cooking? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! [Monica Geller] I'm-I'm sorry, it's just that umm... Well I-I cook at this restaurant, Alessandro's, and umm I just got a really bad review... [The Cooking Teacher] Oh Alessandro's! I love that place! [Monica Geller] You do? [The Cooking Teacher] Oh yes! You're an excellent chef! As a person you're a little... [Monica Geller] Oh, I'm totally crazy, but you-you like the food? [The Cooking Teacher] Very much. [Monica Geller] Okay then, I don't stink. I'm a good chef. Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! I don't want to go. I'm having fun. [The Cooking Teacher] Well actually, did either of you pay for this class? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey-hey-hey, if my friend says it's time to go, it's time to go. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] ...also I was the point person on my company's transition from the KL-5 to GR-6 system. [The Interviewer] You must've had your hands full. [Chandler Bing] That I did. That I did. [The Interviewer] So let's talk a little bit about your duties. [Chandler Bing] My duties? All right. [The Interviewer] Now you'll be heading a whole division, so you'll have a lot of duties. [Chandler Bing] I see. [The Interviewer] But there'll be perhaps 30 people under you so you can dump a certain amount on them. [Chandler Bing] Good to know. [The Interviewer] We can go into detail... [Chandler Bing] No don't I beg of you! [The Interviewer] All right then, we'll have a definite answer for you on Monday, but I think I can say with some confidence, you'll fit in well here. [Chandler Bing] Really?! [The Interviewer] Absolutely. You can relax; you did great. [Chandler Bing] Yeah I gotta say thank you, I was really nervous. Y'know I've been told I come on to strong, make to many jokes, and then it was really hard to sidestep that duty thing. Duties. Duties! Poo. [The Interviewer] Poo? [Chandler Bing] Oh my God this doesn't count! Okay? The interview was over, that was the real Chandler Bing in there, this is just some crazy guy out in the hall! Call security! There's a crazy guy out in the hall! [The Interviewer] Poo?! [Chandler Bing] I'll look forward to your call. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey. [Rachel Green] Hi! You're back from your date! [Ross Geller] How are you? [Rachel Green] I'm fine, but that's not important. What's important is how was she? [Ross Geller] Uhh, it was fun. We, we just had coffee. [Rachel Green] Oh uh-huh, uh-huh, coffee, a little rub-rub-rub under the table. [Ross Geller] What's uh, what's going on? Do you not, do you not like Katie? [Rachel Green] No! No, she's-She was nice. I mean, she's a little slutty, but who isn't? [Ross Geller] I liked her. [Rachel Green] Of course you did Ross, you would date a gorilla if it called you Indiana Jones! [Ross Geller] Did you get like a fresh batch of pregnancy hormones today?! [Rachel Green] No! It's just that, Kate bothered me. [Ross Geller] Why? What was wrong with her? [Rachel Green] There was nothing wrong with her! All right? She was perfectly lovely! [Ross Geller] Okay, so what's the matter? [Rachel Green] I don't want you to date her! [Ross Geller] Why? What, what are you jealous? [Rachel Green] Yes! And not because I want you to go out with me, but because I don't want you to go out with anybody! Okay? I know it's a terrible thing to even think this, and it's completely inappropriate, but I want you to be at my constant beck and call 24 hours a day! I'm very sorry, but that is just the way that I feel. [Ross Geller] Okay. [Rachel Green] What?! [Ross Geller] I won't date. I'll uh, I'll be here, with you, all the time. [Rachel Green] Really? But I'm being so unreasonable. [Ross Geller] True, but you're allowed to be unreasonable. You're having our baby. [Rachel Green] Oh Ross, thank you. Thank you. [Ross Geller] Do you feel better? [Rachel Green] No, not really. You're pressing the baby into my bladder and now I have to pee. Sorry. [Ross Geller] Uh Rach? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Just one thing umm... [Rachel Green] Uh-huh. [Ross Geller] We live together. You're having our baby. I'm not gonna see anybody else. Are you-are you sure you don't want something more? [Rachel Green] Wow! I don't know, maybe. I'm... [Ross Geller] Oh-oh, Rach! I was just messin' around! Like you did last night when I had to pee? [Rachel Green] I knew that! I knew that! I was just messin' with you too! [Ross Geller] Okay. Okay. Because for a minute you said you... [Rachel Green] Oh no-no-no-no, no! [Ross Geller] ...that you actually... [Rachel Green] No that's just--That's just 'cause I'm such a good messer! [Ross Geller] Rach? [Rachel Green] Yeah? [Ross Geller] The bathroom? [Rachel Green] Right! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Well I had a great time! Learned how to bake, ate great food, that's the first A I've gotten since seventh grade, and I didn't have to sleep with the teacher this time. [Monica Geller] Oh, look! Acting for Beginners! Want to feel good about yourself? [Joey Tribbiani] What the hell! [Monica Geller] Okay. [The Acting Teacher] All right, let's start with some basics. Can anybody tell me what the difference between upstage and downstage is? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, this was a stupid idea.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e21", "title": "The One With The Cooking Class"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Rachel is Late [Ross Geller] Hey! What are you guys looking at? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh, it's a poster for that World War I movie that I'm in, check it out. [Ross Geller] Yeah? Wow! It looks really violent! [Joey Tribbiani] Uh-huh! I know. I'm coming soon to a theater near you! I'm in THX! I'm unsuitable for children! [Ross Geller] Now I cannot wait to see this. [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, yeah, it's already generating Oscar buzz. [Phoebe Buffay] I started that! [Joey Tribbiani] I thought I did! Oh hey guess what? The premiere is next week and you're all invited! [Monica Geller] Are we gonna take a limo? [Joey Tribbiani] Sure! Why not?! [Monica Geller] Oh I love taking limos when nobody died! [Rachel Green] Well obviously I won't be able to come, for those of you who haven't checked their calendars today is my due date. Well y'know, I just want to take a moment and thank you guys for how great you've been during this time. I really couldn't have done it without you. And I have loved these last nine months! And even though I am so looking forward to the next part, I am really gonna miss being pregnant. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] That's right, still no baby! Come on people! Please make some room! [Ross Geller] Uh sweetie, maybe you'd be more comfortable here? [Rachel Green] You. Like you haven't done enough. [Ross Geller] Look, I-I know how miserable you are, I wish there was something I can do. I mean I wish I were a seahorse. Because with seahorses it's the male, they carry the babies. And then also umm, I'd be far away in the sea. [Rachel Green] God. I have never been so uncomfortable in my entire life! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh I know, I've been there. I remember toward the end... [Rachel Green] Oh Phoebe, that's a great story. Can you tell it to me when you're getting me some iced tea? Oh God, get out! Get out!! Get out!! Get out!! [Chandler Bing] Let's. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Hey! Did you have the baby yet? [Rachel Green] Do you want me to come over there and sit on you? 'Cause I'll do it. [Monica Geller] What are you doing here so early? [Rachel Green] They sent me home from work. They were like, "Start your maternity leave now! Just rest, get ready for the baby." Well y'know what? Screw 'em! If they don't want me there, I'll just hang out with you guys. [Phoebe Buffay] Or you can do volunteer work. [Joey Tribbiani] Hello? [Estelle Leonard] Joey! It's Estelle! Great news, I was able to get you and one guest tickets to your premiere. [Joey Tribbiani] One guest? You told me I can have six tickets! [Estelle Leonard] Well, I sold four of them on Ebay. You'll be sitting next to HotGuy372. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh my God. So that's it?! I only get to bring one guest? [Estelle Leonard] Yeah, what time do you wanna pick me up? Hello? [Joey Tribbiani] Did you hear that? I only get one extra ticket to my premiere. So some how I have to pick between you three and Ross. [Rachel Green] What-what about me? [Joey Tribbiani] You said you didn't want to go. [Rachel Green] I don't. But I would still like to be acknowledged. What? Just because I'm pregnant you think I'm invisible. [Joey Tribbiani] Definitely not invisible. [Monica Geller] Well, well Ross didn't care enough to be here, so I think he's out. You snooze you lose. [Chandler Bing] He's not snoozing, he's teaching a class. [Monica Geller] Well then somebody's snoozing. Joey, not that this uh should affect you at all, but if you were to pick me, I was planning on wearing a sequined dress, cut down to here. [Chandler Bing] I haven't seen this dress. [Monica Geller] Star in a movie. [Phoebe Buffay] Joey, you pick who ever you want. Okay? You just listen to your heart. What does it tell you? Phoebe, Phoebe. [Joey Tribbiani] Well uh...I think I want to take Chandler. [Phoebe Buffay] Phoebe-Phoebe-Phoebe-Phoebe-Burrrrr! [Chandler Bing] You really want to take me? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah! Yeah! I mean I'm sorry, I wish I can take everybody, but y'know Chandler always supported my career. He's paid for acting classes and head shots and stuff and well this will be my way of paying you back. [Chandler Bing] So you're never actually going to pay me back? [Monica Geller] Wait a minute, just because he paid for your head shots you're gonna take him? Joey, I don't think you're comprehending just how slutty this dress is! [Joey Tribbiani] It's not just the stuff he paid for, I mean it's-it's everything. Y'know? He read lines with me. He-he went with me on auditions when I was really nervous, and then he consoled me after I didn't get parts that I really wanted. You always believed in me man. Even, even when I didn't believe in myself. [Chandler Bing] I always knew you were gonna make it. I'm so proud of you. [Joey Tribbiani] Thanks. That means a lot to me. [Phoebe Buffay] Mon, maybe one of these guys wants to wear your dress. [Joey Tribbiani] I'm gonna go shave. [Chandler Bing] Yeah well, I'm gonna go spit. [Rachel Green] Oh, I have to pee. If I don't come out in five minutes it's because I've choked to death on the potpourri stink. [Phoebe Buffay] When she comes out, you hold her nose, I'll blow in her mouth, and the kid will just right out of her. [Monica Geller] She's over a week late! She gotta have it today, right? [Phoebe Buffay] I don't know. I-I think it's still gonna be a while. [Monica Geller] Hmm, care to make it interesting? I'll bet you that she'll have it by this time tomorrow. [Phoebe Buffay] You're on! [Monica Geller] Okay, how much? [Phoebe Buffay] One hundred thousand dollars! [Monica Geller] How about fifty bucks? [Phoebe Buffay] Fine! I'll call Zurich and move some money around. [Rachel Green] All right, who's turn is it to help me get up! [Phoebe Buffay] No one's here! Oh damnit! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] This is so exciting! It's so glamorous! People taking our picture. How do I look? [Joey Tribbiani] A little tall. [Chandler Bing] What? [Joey Tribbiani] Do you mind crouching down a little bit, so that I look taller? There you go. [Chandler Bing] It's just so glamorous. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh hey Mon? Rach is here! Ohh, you're still pregnant. Oh, I'm sorry. I know how uncomfortable you are. Y'know what? You look great. Yeah, like fifty bucks. [Rachel Green] Oh, I have to go pee. Apparently this baby thinks that my bladder is a squeeze toy. [Monica Geller] Damnit! Damnit!! Here's your fifty bucks! [Phoebe Buffay] It's interesting that you lost. Now, I forget, do you like to lose? [Monica Geller] Now stop it! Double or nothing that she has it by tomorrow! [Phoebe Buffay] Fine! You're on! [Monica Geller] Okay. [Phoebe Buffay] Until then, General Grant, why don't you set up camp right there. [Ross Geller] Hey is Rachel here? We have a doctor's appointment. [Monica Geller] She's in the bathroom. [Ross Geller] Rach, we gotta go. [Rachel Green] In a minute!!! [Ross Geller] People ask me why we're not together, I just don't know what to tell them. [Rachel Green] All right, all right. Let's go! [Ross Geller] Uh, do you wanna go change first? The doctor's keeping the office open late for us, but if you hurry... [Rachel Green] No, I'm fine. [Ross Geller] Really? You don't think that's a little inappropriate. [Phoebe Buffay] Good God man don't anger it. [Rachel Green] Ross, it is 100 degrees outside. For the first time in weeks, I am somewhat comfortable. [Ross Geller] Fine! Fine! Y'know what? Whatever you want. Okay? You're the mommy. [Rachel Green] Oh uh-uh pal! Don't call me mommy! It's bad enough you call your own mother that. [Monica Geller] I'm actually with her on this one. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] "I thought I knew who the enemy was, but it was you all along." [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, this is it. It's my big fight scene coming up. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Ross. [Ross Geller] Yeah? [Rachel Green] Can I ask you something? [Ross Geller] Uh-huh. [Rachel Green] When Carol was pregnant with Ben... [Ross Geller] Mmm? [Rachel Green] ...were you this irritating? [Ross Geller] Wow! [Rachel Green] Excuse me?! [Ross Geller] Oh nothing. Nothing! Just uh, you've been a little short with me lately. I'm not trying to irritate you. [Rachel Green] Well then you just must have a natural talent for it. [Ross Geller] Y'know what? The doctor will be in soon, why don't we not speak until then. [Rachel Green] Okay. Seriously, breathe louder Ross! That's great! [Ross Geller] Y'know we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human and half pure evil! [Rachel Green] Hi Dr. Long, how are you? [Ross Geller] Oh, you're nice to her. [Rachel Green] She has the drugs! [Dr. Long] We'll do a quick check. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Dr. Long] So, eight days late huh? [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Dr. Long] You must be a little uncomfortable. [Rachel Green] Eh, just a tad. [Dr. Long] You're about 80 percent effaced, so you're on your way. It still could last a little while longer. If you're anxious there are a few ways to help things along. [Ross Geller] Do them!! [Dr. Long] Actually, they're things you can do. Just some home remedies, but in my experience I've found that some of them are quite effective. [Rachel Green] Well, we are ready to try anything. [Dr. Long] Okay, there's an herbal tea you can drink. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Dr. Long] You can take some caster oil, there's eating spicy foods... [Rachel Green] Great! We will do all of those. [Dr. Long] ...taking a long walk, and then there's the one that's proved most effective: sex. [Ross Geller] You've got to be kidding me! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Good job Joe! Well done! Top notch! [Joey Tribbiani] You liked it? You really liked it? [Chandler Bing] Oh-ho-ho, yeah! [Joey Tribbiani] Which part exactly? [Chandler Bing] The whole thing! Can we go? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh no-no-no, give me some specifics. [Chandler Bing] I love the specifics, the specifics were the best part! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, what about the scene with the kangaroo? Did-did you like that part? [Chandler Bing] I was surprised to see a kangaroo in a World War I epic. [Joey Tribbiani] You fell asleep!! There was no kangaroo! They didn't take any of my suggestions! That's for coming buddy. I'll see you later. [Chandler Bing] Don't go! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! Look! This guy fell asleep! He fell asleep too! Be mad at him! Or, call an ambulance. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey. [Rachel Green] Hi! [Monica Geller] What did the doctor say? Any news on when the baby will come? [Rachel Green] No. But she did give us some ideas on how to induce labor. [Ross Geller] Yeah, we tried them all. We went for a walk, uh we tried a special tea, caster oil, spicy food nothing has worked. [Rachel Green] Well, there is one thing that we haven't tried, but someone thinks that, "That will open up a can of worms." [Monica Geller] Well what is it? What is it? If it's gonna help bring the baby here, like today. I mean, I think you should do it. [Ross Geller] It's sex. [Monica Geller] Do it! [Ross Geller] Monica! [Monica Geller] I'm just saying it's been a really long time for you. I mean, women have needs. Do it, get yours! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh I-I don't know about that. No, I think that if the two of you had sex the-the-the repercussions would be catastrophic. [Monica Geller] All right, let's be practical, if Ross isn't willing to do it, he's not the only guy in the world you can have sex with. You can borrow Chandler-Chandler is good! [Ross Geller] Monica, what is the matter with you? [Monica Geller] Nothing. I just want the baby to be born today. [Rachel Green] Why? Why today? [Monica Geller] Okay fine! I keep betting Phoebe that you're gonna have the baby and I don't want to lose again! [Ross Geller] What?! While she's been going through this hell, you've been making money?! You're betting on your friend staying in this misery?! [Rachel Green] I'll take that bet. [Ross Geller] What?! [Rachel Green] Well, I'm miserable here! I might as well make some money out it! [Ross Geller] Can I get some of that action? [Monica Geller] Wait a minute! Now I'm betting against all three of you? [Rachel Green] Oh honey, don't worry. I really do feel like tomorrow's the day. [Monica Geller] Oh, okay! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! Sleeping beauty! [Chandler Bing] Where have you been?! I tried to call you! I want to talk to you! I still feel so bad! [Joey Tribbiani] Oh no, were you upset? Did you lose sleep? [Chandler Bing] I'm so sorry. [Joey Tribbiani] Uh-huh look, the only reason I can over here was to settle things between us! Okay? You've done a lot for me and my career, I wanted to pay you back so I took you to the premiere but you missed it! Okay, so how much do I owe you? [Chandler Bing] What?! [Joey Tribbiani] Give me a number, I don't want to owe you anything! [Chandler Bing] You don't owe me anything, I don't want you money... [Joey Tribbiani] Ah-ah-ah! We're doing this! Okay, now you got me my first set of head shots. Right, how much were those? [Chandler Bing] I don't know, five hundred dollars? [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, five hundred dollars. What else? [Chandler Bing] Well then there was the second set, the infamous booger head shots. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, so that's another five hundred. Five hundred and five hundred, that's... [Chandler Bing] Do you want a calculator? [Joey Tribbiani] Please! [Chandler Bing] Here! [Joey Tribbiani] All right, what else? [Chandler Bing] Well uh, there was acting classes, stage combat classes, tap classes... [Joey Tribbiani] Which we're still keeping under our hats! [Chandler Bing] Uh then there was that dialect coach who helped you with that play where you needed a southern accent. Which after twenty hours of lessons still came out Jamaican. [Joey Tribbiani] What the hell are you talking about, "The south will rise again man." [Chandler Bing] Yes, money well spent! [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah. Okay, what else? Rent! [Chandler Bing] Okay, two, three years of rent, utilities, food... [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. Okay, so I'm writing you a check for...So you fell asleep during my movie. Big deal right? How do you clear this thing? --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Come on, finish your enchilada. [Rachel Green] Ross I-We tried all the spicy food. It's not working. [Ross Geller] Okay here, have one of these peppers. Oh ha... Oh God! So...so hot! Oh my- By the way, you don't want to touch the pepper and then touch your eye. [Rachel Green] I am feeling nothing. Speaking of hot, watching you do that really makes me want to have sex with you. [Ross Geller] Stop it. [Rachel Green] Oh come on Ross, why are we wasting our time with this other stuff?! We know what's gonna work! It's doctor recommended! [Ross Geller] I'm sorry, but we have to have some boundaries! My God, I'm dying. [Rachel Green] Oh come on Ross, we've done it before we'll do it again, it'll be a nice way to bookend the pregnancy. [Ross Geller] This is insane, I'm not gonna make love to you just so that you'll go into labor. [Rachel Green] Make love? What are you a girl? [Ross Geller] Always a great way to get in a man's pants. [Rachel Green] But you will, you will be performing a service. Okay? Just-just think of me as a ketchup bottle, y'know you sometimes you have to bang on the end of it just to get something to come out. [Ross Geller] I love when you talk dirty to me. [Rachel Green] Oh, I know it. You're right. That's not sexy. Oh...Oh! Whoops! Oh, I seem to have dropped my fork. Let me just bed over and get it. Oh God! [Ross Geller] Okay enough! This is, this is not going to happen. [Rachel Green] Come on Ross! I'm miserable here! Come on! You started this, now you finish it! Come on wuss, make love to me. [Ross Geller] Y'know what? [Rachel Green] What?! [Ross Geller] Forget it. [Rachel Green] Oh wow! What now Ross you're not gonna talk? How on earth will you ever annoy me? Oh wait a minute, I know. I mean you'd think the damn jalepeno would've cleared up your sinuses, but no!! That's not enough... What are you doing?! [Ross Geller] I'm getting that baby out of you! [Rachel Green] Oh God! [Ross Geller] Oh, I know. [Rachel Green] Oh no. No-no! I think my water just broke. [Ross Geller] I am good. Okay! Okay! Uh, I got the pillow! I got the bag! You got the keys? [Rachel Green] Okay! I got the keys! Okay! Okay! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Rachel Green] Yeah. [Ross Geller] We're having a baby. [Rachel Green] I didn't uh, really have time to read this part of the books, but do you think we have time to... [Ross Geller] Not so much. [Rachel Green] Okay. --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Two hundred. [Phoebe Buffay] Thank you! [Monica Geller] That's it. I'm done. I don't care when the baby comes, no more betting. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. [Monica Geller] Hello? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay. I guess we can bet one more time. [Phoebe Buffay] Is Rachel having the baby? [Monica Geller] How did you know that?! Joey! Chandler!! It's time! [Phoebe Buffay] They're at the coffeehouse. [Monica Geller] You know everything!! Oh wait, double or nothing. I bet you the baby is over seven pounds. I bet you it has hair. I bet you it's a girl. [Phoebe Buffay] We know it's a girl! [Monica Geller] I'll give you really good odds.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e22", "title": "The One Where Rachel is Late"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Rachel Has a Baby, Part 1 [Ross Geller] All right! Yes!! From home to the hospital in under seven minutes! We did it!! [Rachel Green] Yes, the hard part is truly over. [Ross Geller] No, but come on, we're off to a great start aren't we? I knew I'd get you here fast, but this has got to be some kind of a record! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh you made it! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Monica Geller] How are you doing? [Ross Geller] Wait a minute! How-how the hell did you beat us here? [Monica Geller] We took a cab. Did you guys walk? [Ross Geller] N... No! We took a cab too, but I did test runs! [Chandler Bing] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] Hey! You made it! [Ross Geller] Okay is there...some kind of magic tunnel to this hospital?! [Rachel Green] Ross, you stay here and talk, I'm gonna go have a baby. [Ross Geller] Okay. Okay. Umm hi, this is Rachel Green. I'm Ross Geller. We-we called from the car. [Nurse] Right! We have a semi-private labor room waiting for you. So in just a minute... [Rachel Green] Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! I'm sorry, semi-private? We , we asked for a private room. [Nurse] Yes, I see that here. Unfortunately we can't guarantee a private room and currently they're all unavailable. [Chandler Bing] Man, if only you'd gotten here sooner. [Nurse] I'm sorry. Semi-private rooms are all we have. [Rachel Green] Okay. Just give us a second. Ross! [Ross Geller] Yeah? [Rachel Green] Give her some money. [Ross Geller] I really think they're out of rooms. [Rachel Green] They're not!! Ross, they're just saving them for the important people!! Okay?! What-what if I was the president?! [Ross Geller] Well then we'd be in a lot of trouble, you don't know where any countries are. Okay. Uh, say would you umm... Would you mind checking again to see if any umm, private rooms may have opened up? [Nurse] This is a hospital. [Rachel Green] Okay. Y'know what? I'd have to say I really don't care for your tone. And this is not the only hospital in this city and we have no problem to-Whoa! Oh gosh! Whoa! [Ross Geller] What-what? [Rachel Green] Ow! Ow! Contraction. Ow-ow! Ow-ow! [Nurse] Would you like to see a semi-private room? [Rachel Green] Yeah, it couldn't hurt to look. --------------------------------------- [Dr. Long] Well you're only two centimeters dilated and we need to get to ten. It'll be a while. [Rachel Green] Oh, okay. [Dr. Long] I'll be back in an hour to check you again. [Ross Geller] Thank you. [Rachel Green] Thank you. Well, I guess we have some time to kill. [Ross Geller] Yeah, guess so. Whew! Check these out! Never done this before. [Rachel Green] Yeah well it looks great! [Man] Thank you very much. [Woman] Thanks. [Ross Geller] Hi! Hi, I'm uh Ross. I'm here to ruin this magical day for you. [Man] Oh no-no, not at all. [Woman] Don't worry about it. [Man] Marc Coreger, this is my wife Julie. [Ross Geller] Hi Julie. [Julie Coreger] Hi. [Ross Geller] This is Rachel. [Rachel Green] Hi! [Marc Coreger] Oh hi Rachel. [Rachel Green] How are you? [Julie Coreger] Hi. Is this your first? [Rachel Green] Yeah it is. [Julie Coreger] Well, little Jamie here is our third. So, if you have questions or you need anything at all, just holler. [Rachel Green] That's so sweet. [Ross Geller] Yeah. [Rachel Green] Oh. [Ross Geller] Umm say, I-I opened this earlier but let me give you guys some privacy. [Marc Coreger] No nonsense! We're all in this together. [Julie Coreger] Yeah, we are going to share every moment of this with you. And I think we're gonna have some fun. [Marc Coreger] Yeah. [Ross Geller] Oh, okay. [Marc Coreger] Hey! Smile! [Rachel Green] Oh no, I really don't want any--Oh! Thank you. Oh. Oh Ross... [Ross Geller] What? [Rachel Green] Here comes another contraction. [Ross Geller] Oh. Okay, just breathe. [Julie Coreger] Oh honey, I think I'm having one too! [Marc Coreger] Look at this! There we go! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Oh wow, three hours and still no baby. Ugh, the miracle of birth sure is a snooze fest. [Monica Geller] Hey, you wanna see something? [Phoebe Buffay] Sure! What? [Monica Geller] Umm, this is going to be fun. Watch me freak out Chandler. Honey? [Chandler Bing] Yeah? [Monica Geller] Listen uh, I-I've been doing some thinking, and I don't know whether it's because we're here or Rachel's giving birth but umm, I think we should try to have a baby. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] What-what-what's that now?! [Chandler Bing] Okay. I've been thinking about it too, and I, I think we're ready. [Monica Geller] What?! Are you kidding me?! You-you-you think we're ready to have a baby now?! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, this is fun. [Joey Tribbiani] You're ready to have a baby? My boy's all grown up! [Chandler Bing] But you said you were ready too. [Monica Geller] Yeah but I was just screwing with you to try to get your voice all high and weird like mine is now! [Chandler Bing] Yes, but haven't you wanted a kid like forever? [Monica Geller] Okay, just back off mister! Whoa. 'Cause I am ready to have a baby. I just want Joey to be the father. [Joey Tribbiani] What?! Are you crazy?! [Monica Geller] That's it! Right there! Is all I wanted! --------------------------------------- [Marc Coreger] I am so sorry. The doctor insisted on closing the curtain for the exam. [Rachel Green] Oh, that's very-Really very-very okay. [Marc Coreger] Julie's cervix is dilated a seven centimeters, that's about four fingers. The doctor let me feel it myself. [Julie Coreger] Have you felt Rachel's cervix Ross? [Rachel Green] No, I don't think we'll be doing that. [Ross Geller] We're not gonna do that. [Julie Coreger] Well, if you like you can feel Rachel's and then feel mine to compare. [Judy Geller] Am I interrupting? [Ross Geller] Uh yes! Thank you. [Rachel Green] Oh. Oh wait no. [Ross Geller] Later. [Rachel Green] No-no-don't! Don't leave me here with these people. [Ross Geller] Oh uh, I'm sorry. [Rachel Green] No Ross! Ross! Ross! My child has no father! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hi! I'm so glad you're here, but it's gonna be a while. I-I wished you'd called first. [Judy Geller] Oh that's all right, I'm coming back later with your father. [Ross Geller] Oh good. [Judy Geller] I actually needed to talk to you before the birth. [Ross Geller] Okay, what's up? [Judy Geller] I brought something that I want to give you, assuming of course that you want it. [Ross Geller] Ma, you're asking me to marry you? [Judy Geller] This is your grandmother's engagement ring, I want you to give it to Rachel. [Ross Geller] Mom no, come on! Thank you. [Judy Geller] Just hear me out! [Ross Geller] N-no! Okay? We've been through this! We're not gonna get married just because she's pregnant, okay? [Judy Geller] Honestly! Ross, this isn't just some girl you picked up in a bar and humped. A child should have a family. [Ross Geller] Mom, y'know what? I-I can't deal with this right now. I'm sorry... [Judy Geller] Just...think about it. If you don't, I'll talk more about humping. [Ross Geller] Gimmie! [Rachel Green] Hi! [Judy Geller] Oh hi dear! [Rachel Green] Oh, thank you so much for coming. Ross, get in here! --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] ...she came and dragged me out of the labor room to ask me why I'm not with Rachel. [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah. Why aren't you with Rachel? [Ross Geller] Are you kidding? Look, we're not gonna be together just because we're having a baby. Okay? [Phoebe Buffay] But y'know what? It just seems that you two belong together. [Ross Geller] Okay, stop it! I can't deal with this right now. I have to go have a baby. [Phoebe Buffay] Right. And with who again? [Joey Tribbiani] God. He's crazy! Why doesn't he want to be with Rachel? [Phoebe Buffay] I know! [Joey Tribbiani] I mean seriously, she's like the perfect woman. I mean I know she turned me down, but if she hadn't and wanted to be with me, I would take her in my arms and... I haven't bummed you guys out like this in a while have I? --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] Hey. Who's that? [Rachel Green] New people. [Ross Geller] What happened to the Disgustingtons? [Rachel Green] They're having their baby! It's not fair Ross we got here first! Right after you left they wheeled her off into delivery. Oh but not before she gave me a juicy shot of little Jamie just crowning away. [Ross Geller] Wow! Sorry. So uh, how are the new people? [Rachel Green] Well they have uh, some unusual pet names for each other. Including umm, evil bitch and uh, sick bastard. Oh God oh! Contraction! [Ross Geller] Yeah? Okay. [Rachel Green] Ooh! Ow!! [Evil Bitch] Are you looking at her?! [Sick Bastard] No! [Evil Bitch] Don't you look at her you sick bastard! [Sick Bastard] Honey I swear! I wasn't looking at her! [Evil Bitch] She's in labor! You like that you sick son of a bitch! [Ross Geller] Umm. Umm, I'm-I'm just gonna- [Evil Bitch] See? See? It was because you were looking fat pervert! [Ross Geller] No-no, I'm...I'm sure no one was looking. Just want some privacy. [Evil Bitch] You miss your girlfriend? [Ross Geller] Just ignore them. [Rachel Green] Ross. [Ross Geller] What? What? [Rachel Green] He's looking at me. [Ross Geller] Hey! You wanna live to see your baby?! [Evil Bitch] Don't you talk to my husband like that you stupid bastard! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Oh good God! If you want a baby so bad just go steal it! [Monica Geller] What is going on with you? Since when are you so crazy about babies? [Chandler Bing] I'm not crazy about babies. I'm crazy about us. [Monica Geller] What? [Chandler Bing] Look, we've always talked about having babies someday. I'm not saying it has to be right now, but I'm starting to think that we can handle it. We're good. We're really good. [Monica Geller] We are pretty good. [Chandler Bing] But nothing has to happen until your ready. [Monica Geller] Well maybe I'm ready now. I mean, it's a little scary, but maybe it's right. [Chandler Bing] What?! It's not right! We're not ready to have a kid now!! [Monica Geller] What?!! [Chandler Bing] I'm kidding. This is going to be fun. [Monica Geller] So we're gonna try? I mean, are we trying? [Chandler Bing] We're trying to get pregnant. Y'know I'm not really comfortable doing this in front of the babies. So, when do you want to start trying? [Monica Geller] Okay, hold on a sec. [Chandler Bing] Period math? [Monica Geller] Yeah. [Chandler Bing] Yeah. [Monica Geller] Well, we could start trying. Now. [Chandler Bing] Right here? [Monica Geller] No, not here. Maybe here. [Chandler Bing] Wait a minute, it's perfect. We got a lot of time to kill and we're in a building that's full of beds! [Monica Geller] And it's so clean!! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Come on you stupid machine! Come on! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, it ate your money? [Joey Tribbiani] No. [Phoebe Buffay] All right, I'll see you downstairs then. [Joey Tribbiani] All right. [Phoebe Buffay] All right. [Joey Tribbiani] Hey I got one! I got one! [Man] Hi! [Phoebe Buffay] Hi. [Man] Oh uh, up or down? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh down please. I-I hate to be a ball buster can I just do it? [Man] Could you press up too please? [Phoebe Buffay] Sure! I feel so bad for you; I broke my leg once too. [Man] Oh yeah? How'd yours happen? [Phoebe Buffay] Well, it's a long story. It's kind of embarrassing. Let's just say there was a typographical error with a sex manual. How about you? [Man] Car accident. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. [Man] Oh, let me guess some idiot on a cell phone wasn't paying attention? [Man] Yeah. Me. Oh hey, that's me. Hey uh, I take it you're just visiting someone. [Phoebe Buffay] Uh-huh, yeah. [Man] Well umm, if you have sometime y'know and maybe you might want to visit someone else... [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yeah! I-I would like that. [Man] I'm in the middle... [Phoebe Buffay] Wait! What?! No!! Elevator!! No! [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, you gotta press the button. --------------------------------------- [Ross Geller] The nurse said they're bringing in another woman. [Rachel Green] Ugh, is she pregnant yet? She doesn't need to be; she'll still have the baby before I do. Oh Ross, another contraction! [Ross Geller] That's it. That's it. [Woman] Oooh, that sounded like a bad one. [Rachel Green] Yeah it was. [Woman] Mine haven't been so bad. Oh! Here comes one now. Oh, that was a big one! --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Excuse me? Could you help me with something? The patient I'm looking for has a broken leg and is in a wheelchair. And umm, he's like early to mid-thirties, very attractive. [Nurse] I think I know who you're talking about. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh yay! Great! Okay, what room number is he in? [Nurse] I'm sorry, that information is restricted to hospital staff... [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, she's with me. Dr. Drake Remoray. [Nurse] Dr. Drake who? [Joey Tribbiani] Remoray. It's Portuguese. We need that information; I'm a doctor. [Nurse] A doctor at this hospital? [Joey Tribbiani] Damnit woman we're losing precious time! Now do you want this man's blood on your head? [Phoebe Buffay] Hands. [Joey Tribbiani] Hands! It is absolutely essential that you tell me what room the man my assistant described is staying in. He's a patient of mine, I've been treating him for years! [Nurse] He's in room 816. [Joey Tribbiani] 816, thank you! [Phoebe Buffay] Thank you. [Joey Tribbiani] And what is his name? [Phoebe Buffay] No! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] I think we found a place. [Chandler Bing] Okay. [Monica Geller] Umm, wait! Do you want to set the mood a little? [Chandler Bing] Okay. Uh, we'll dim the lights, dim the lights. Or turn them out all together. Uh, no scented candles. Okay here. Here we go. [Monica Geller] Okay! Okay! Make me sterile, but okay. [Monica Geller] Okay. Let's hurry-Oh wait! Do we have a condom? Oh right! [Chandler Bing] Yes, 98.6. You're gonna be fine. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Ooh, this is it! Oh, that's him! That's him! [Joey Tribbiani] Great! Go get him. [Phoebe Buffay] Wait a second, or maybe you can go in first. [Joey Tribbiani] He's not really my type. [Phoebe Buffay] No not you, Dr. Drake Remoray. You can ask him questions and see what's he like. People tell doctors everything. [Joey Tribbiani] But you said he was this great guy! [Phoebe Buffay] But lately all the guys I meet seem really nice at first, then they turn out to be the biggest jerks. [Joey Tribbiani] You do attract some stinkers.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e23", "title": "The One Where Rachel Has a Baby, Part 1"}

friends/emorynlp

Friends - The One Where Rachel Has a Baby, Part 2 [Rachel Green] Dr. Long, I've been at this for seventeen hours! Three women have come and gone with their babies, you gotta give me some good news! How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine? [Dr. Long] Three. [Ross Geller] Just three?! I'm dilated three! [Dr. Long] We are moving along, just slowly. Don't worry, you're doing great. I'll be back soon. [Rachel Green] Hey, y'know what? I'm not waiting! I'm gonna push this baby out! I'm doing it! I mean it's what? Three centimeters? That's gotta be like this! [Ross Geller] Actually it's more like this. [Rachel Green] Oh stupid metric system! [Doctor] Oh my. We're gonna need to take you straight to the delivery room. [Rachel Green] Oh for the love of God! [Woman Giving Birth] It's coming! It's coming! [Doctor] And here it is! [Rachel Green] Oh come on!! --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hi! I'm Dr. Drake Remoray and I have a few routine questions I need to ask you. [Man] Really? I've been dealing with Dr. Wells. [Joey Tribbiani] I know, but I'm a neurologist. And just to be on the safe side, Dr. Wells wanted a more comprehensive overview of you status so he sent me. [Man] Dr. Wells is a woman. [Joey Tribbiani] That was a test. Good response. All right, full name. [Man] Clifford Burnett. [Joey Tribbiani] Date of birth? [Cliff] November 16th, 1968. [Joey Tribbiani] Age? [Cliff] Can't you figure that out based on my date of birth? [Joey Tribbiani] I'm a doctor Cliff, not a mathematician. [Cliff] I'm 33. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay. And uh, are you married. [Cliff] No. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh really? So, 33 and still single, would you say you have commitment issues? [Cliff] Are all the questions this personal? [Joey Tribbiani] Yes. [Cliff] Well uh if you must know I'm a widower. [Joey Tribbiani] Oh that's terrible. I'm-I'm really sorry. [Cliff] Yeah. [Joey Tribbiani] Hmm. Do you sleep with women and never call them again? [Cliff] No. [Joey Tribbiani] Excellent! Excellent! And uh, finally, are you into any weird stuff y'know, sexually? [Cliff] No! [Joey Tribbiani] Oooh, wrong answer. --------------------------------------- [Nurse] This room's available. [Rachel Green] Okay! Okay wait! You listen to me! You listen to me! Since I have been waiting four women, that's four, one higher than the number of centimeters that I am dilated, have come and gone with their babies! I'm next! It's my turn! It's only fair! And if you bring in one woman and she has her baby before me I'm going to sue you! Not this hospital, I'm going to sue you! And my husband he's a lawyer! [Ross Geller] Uh Rach... [Rachel Green] Go get back on that case honey! [Nurse] I don't think the next patient is very far along. [Rachel Green] Okay, well then bring her in. [Woman] OH....MY....GAWD!!! --------------------------------------- [Janice Litman Goralnik] I....can't....believe this! [Ross Geller] And yet somehow it's true! [Janice Litman Goralnik] I mean this is so great! We're gonna be baby buddies! [Ross Geller] Squeeze your legs together and cover the baby's ears! [Man] Hi sweetie! [Janice Litman Goralnik] Hi! Hi sweetheart! This is my husband Sid, I don't think you've met him. Ross, Rachel, this is Sid. I nabbed him a year ago at the dermatologist's office. Thank God for adult acne huh? [Sid Goralnik] I still can't believe it! I'm the luckiest guy in the world! [Ross Geller] Really? [Sid Goralnik] What'd he say? [Janice Litman Goralnik] Oh y'know what? You have to speak very loudly when you're talking to Sid, because he's almost completely deaf. [Rachel Green] Oh! [Ross Geller] Oh there you go! [Rachel Green] I get it! [Janice Litman Goralnik] So? Congratulations you two, I didn't even know you got married. [Rachel Green] Oh we-we didn't. [Ross Geller] No-no. We... [Janice Litman Goralnik] What?! [Ross Geller] Um uh...We're-we're just having this baby together but uh, uh that's all. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Why?!! [Ross Geller] Uh well umm...we're just not in that place, y'know? But we're very excited about this. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Oh. Well then shut me up. [Rachel Green] Just tell me how. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Uh-oh, I feel another one coming. [Ross Geller] Sid you lucky deaf bastard. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] What else? What else? [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, well he's 33. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. Ah-uh. [Joey Tribbiani] A widower. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh. [Joey Tribbiani] He seemed like a stand up guy. Oh, and he's not into anything weird sexually. [Phoebe Buffay] Enter Pheebs. --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] Should we tell Rachel there's an empty private room right next door to hers? [Monica Geller] We could, or we can have sex in it. [Chandler Bing] Well let me think about that, while I remove my pants! [Monica Geller] Okay mister! Fertilize me! [Monica Geller] Does that sound like Janice? [Chandler Bing] If it's not, then there's two of them. And that would mean it's the end of the world! --------------------------------------- [Monica Geller] Hey! [Ross Geller] Hey! [Chandler Bing] Hi. [Rachel Green] Oh hi. [Monica Geller] I can't believe this is taking so long. How are you doing? [Rachel Green] Oh not bad. Do you know that feeling when you're trying to blow a Saint Bernard out your ass? [Chandler Bing] Weirdest thing. Did I hear--Mother of God it's true! [Janice Litman Goralnik] Chandler Bing! [Chandler Bing] Jan-Janice! [Ross Geller] Not just Janice, Janice in labor, contracting and everything. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Oh, this should be easy. I have a very wide pelvis. You remember Chandler. [Chandler Bing] Janice I didn't even know you were pregnant! Who's the unwitting human who's essence you've stolen? [Janice Litman Goralnik] It's you. This is yours. [Chandler Bing] What?! [Janice Litman Goralnik] Look how nervous he gets! We haven't slept together in years! [Chandler Bing] That's funny. Does it-does it hurt? Does the labor hurt? --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Okay I've got one for you, if you had too which one would you rather eat, a seeing eye dog or a talking gorilla? [Cliff] I'd have to say...the talking gorilla, because at least I can explain to him that you're making me eat him. [Phoebe Buffay] Somebody went to college. Wow. What is it? I'm sorry. [Cliff] No, I'm sorry. It's just my foot itches like crazy. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, I'll get it. [Cliff] Wow! I usually get to know a girl a little better before I let her spoon me. [Phoebe Buffay] Relax, it's not like we're forking. --------------------------------------- [Rachel Green] Oh that's five Ross. Five women have had five babies! And I have had no babies! Why doesn't she want to come out? [Ross Geller] Y'know what I think it is? I think you've made such a nice home for her over the last nine months that she just doesn't want to leave. [Rachel Green] Oh. Look at you making up crap for me. Oh God! [Dr. Long] Twenty-one hours, you're a hero. [Rachel Green] Doctor you gotta do something! I think you gotta give me drugs or you gotta light a fire up in there and just smoke it out. [Dr. Long] Actually, I think you're ready to go to the delivery room. [Rachel Green] What? [Dr. Long] Ten centimeters, you're about to become a mom. [Rachel Green] My God. Okay. Ha-ha-ha beat ya! Sucker! --------------------------------------- [Cliff] Is this the same spoon that was in my cast? [Phoebe Buffay] Y'know what? This one is. [Cliff] Oh my God! That's the doctor who was in my room before! [Phoebe Buffay] Huh. Okay, Mr. Perkazet. [Cliff] I'm telling you! The guy from that show was here in my room, asking me all these weird questions! [Phoebe Buffay] Cliff, do you really believe that a character from a TV show was here in your room? [Joey Tribbiani] Rachel's having her baby!! Which is of no interest to me, I'm a neurologist. [Cliff] That-that's him! You know him? [Phoebe Buffay] Okay. Okay. I-Okay umm...this...I-I sent my friend Joey in here to find out stuff about you. Umm y'know, if it helps you came off great. A lot better than I'm coming off right now. [Cliff] I don't believe this. You got him to pretend he was some fake doctor? [Joey Tribbiani] Fake? Excuse me? Hello? [Cliff] And then you tried to make me think that I was crazy. [Phoebe Buffay] You're right, that was wrong. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's just that I liked you so much. Can we just, can we just start over? [Cliff] I don't think so. [Joey Tribbiani] Uh, if I may? Umm-umm look, Cliff, you told me a lot of personal stuff about you, right? And maybe-maybe it would if-if would help if-if you knew some personal stuff about her. Uh, she was married to a gay ice dancer. Uh, she gave birth to her brother's triplets. Oh! Oh! Her-her twin sister used to do porn! [Phoebe Buffay] Uh Joey, we're trying to dial down the crazy. [Joey Tribbiani] Right! [Phoebe Buffay] Umm, look we don't, we don't really know each other so it would be really easy to just forget about this, but there seems to be something between us. And I don't know about you but that doesn't happen to me a lot. [Cliff] It doesn't happen to me either. [Joey Tribbiani] Me neither. --------------------------------------- [Dr. Long] Push. Push. Come on push for five seconds. 5...4... [Rachel Green] 3-2-1 oh!! [Dr. Long] Okay, the next contraction should be in about twenty seconds. [Rachel Green] I can't. I can't push anymore, I can't. [Ross Geller] Sweetie you're doing great. [Rachel Green] Oh God twenty seconds my ass!! [Dr. Long] Here we go! Okay, keep pushing! Wait! I see something. [Ross Geller] What? You do? You do? Oh my God! [Rachel Green] Don't say, "Oh my God!" Oh my God what? [Ross Geller] What is that? [Dr. Long] It's the baby's buttock, she's breech. [Ross Geller] Oh thank God, I thought she had two heads. [Rachel Green] Oh God. Is she gonna be okay? [Dr. Long] She's gonna be fine. Okay, she's in a more difficult position so you're gonna have to push even harder now. Go! Push! [Ross Geller] Go! [Dr. Long] Rachel you're gonna have to push even harder, nothing's happening! [Rachel Green] I'm sorry, I can't! [Ross Geller] Yes you can! [Rachel Green] I can't! [Ross Geller] Hey! Hey! Come on! You can! I know you can do this! Let's go! [Rachel Green] I can't. Please, you do it for me. [Ross Geller] No! Come on let's-One more time! One final push! Ready? 1...2...3! [Dr. Long] Good! [Ross Geller] Keep pushing! [Rachel Green] Are you okay? [Ross Geller] You have no idea how much this hurts. Keep going! Keep going! [Dr. Long] Here we go! [Ross Geller] Oh! Oh! She's upside down but she's coming! She's coming! [Rachel Green] Oh God! [Ross Geller] Oh! Oh my God oh! Oh my God she's here. [Ross Geller] Oh she's...she's perfect. [Rachel Green] Oh, she's so tiny. Where'd she go? [Ross Geller] Oh it's okay. They're just-they're just wrapping her up. [Rachel Green] Okay. Well be careful with her, she's really tiny. [Dr. Long] Here she is! [Rachel Green] Oh hey you. Thanks for coming out of me. I know. Oh. Yeah. Oh, she's looking at me. Hi! I know you. [Dr. Long] Do we have a name yet? [Rachel Green] No, not yet. [Dr. Long] That's fine, for now we'll just call her Baby Girl Green. [Rachel Green] Oh no, Baby Girl Geller-Green. [Rachel Green] Hello baby girl. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Can we come in? [Ross Geller] Oh, come in. [Phoebe Buffay] Hi! [Joey Tribbiani] There she is! [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, she's so beautiful. [Rachel Green] Here. [Monica Geller] Oh my God! She's amazing. Oh, oh I'm so glad you guys got drunk and had sex! [Chandler Bing] It's incredible, I mean one minute she's inside you and then 47 hours later here she is. [Joey Tribbiani] She looks so real! Y'know what I mean! She's this whole tiny little person. She already has eyelashes and knees and...uh-oh. [Rachel Green] What? [Joey Tribbiani] Oh no-no, no for I second there I counted six fingers, but one was from the other hand so we're good. [Phoebe Buffay] Okay, my turn. My turn. Oh! You're so cute! Oh, I could squeeze your little head! I won't. [Monica Geller] What's the matter? [Rachel Green] Oh nothing I... Sorry, I just can't stop crying. [Ross Geller] The doctor says it's completely normal with all the hormones. Plus, you-you're sleep deprived. [Rachel Green] So? You guys are all sleep deprived. I don't see you weeping because you put your slippers on the wrong feet. Oh God. [Joey Tribbiani] What's the matter now? [Rachel Green] I was reliving it. [Phoebe Buffay] Ohhh. [Chandler Bing] So, do you know what you're gonna call her yet? [Phoebe Buffay] Oh, wait a minute it's not gonna be Baby Girl? I thought that was so original! [Ross Geller] Uh actually, we-we've narrowed it down to two names. [Rachel Green] Yeah, and y'know what? I love them both, so why don't you just pick one and that'll be it. [Ross Geller] Wow! Umm, okay uh...everyone...this...is Isabella. What? [Rachel Green] That's not her name! I'm sorry, she just doesn't feel like an Isabella. [Chandler Bing] So then I guess Ferdinad is out. [Joey Tribbiani] What was the other one Ross? [Ross Geller] Umm, Delilah. [Rachel Green] Oh great! Suddenly she sounds like a biblical whore. [Ross Geller] So I guess we're back to uh, Baby Girl. [Phoebe Buffay] Yay! [Rachel Green] Well what are we going to do? [Monica Geller] It's okay honey, you'll find a name. [Ross Geller] Ugh, easy for you to say, you already know what your kids names are going to be. [Chandler Bing] You do? [Monica Geller] Yeah, I've had them picked out since I was fourteen. [Chandler Bing] Oh no, it's gonna be named after some snack or baked good isn't it? [Rachel Green] Well tell us! What are they? [Monica Geller] Umm, okay. If it's a boy it's Daniel. [Rachel Green] And if it's a girl? [Monica Geller] I don't want to say. [Rachel Green] Oh, just tell us! We're not gonna want it! [Monica Geller] Okay. It's Emma. [Rachel Green] Emma! See? I don't want it. [Monica Geller] Take it. [Rachel Green] What? [Monica Geller] It's clearly an Emma. [Rachel Green] Oh honey, but you love that name. [Monica Geller] Yeah, but I love you more. Besides y'know, nothing goes with Bing. So I'm screwed. I mean... Oh, hi Emma. Yeah, that's you. You're our little Em. Oh what's that honey? What? Oh, you want a little cousin? You want a cousin right now?! --------------------------------------- [Chandler Bing] That was amazing. [Monica Geller] I know. Hey, do you realize we may have just changed our lives forever? We may have just started a family. Nine months from now we can be here, having our own baby. [Chandler Bing] And if not, we got to do it on a bucket. --------------------------------------- [Janice Litman Goralnik] Yoo-hoo! Aaron Litman-Neurolic would like to say hello to his future bride. [Rachel Green] Ohhh! Wow! He kinda takes your breath away doesn't he? [Janice Litman Goralnik] He's a keeper. How are you feeling? [Rachel Green] Oh, I'm fine. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Can I just say, I really admire what you're doing. Just raising her all alone. [Rachel Green] Oh, I'm not doing it alone. I have Ross. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Oh, sure. Now. But what happens when he meets somebody else and gets married? [Rachel Green] Well then he gets a divorce, it's Ross! [Janice Litman Goralnik] I'm telling you Rachel, listen to Janice. They all say they're gonna be there until they start their real family. [Rachel Green] Well I-That's never gonna happen with Ross. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Oh well that's what I thought about my first husband, now I'm lucky if my kid gets to spend the weekend with her father and the twins and little Ms. New Boobs. [Rachel Green] Really? [Janice Litman Goralnik] I hate to be the one to say it, but honey you two are on your own. [Rachel Green] Well... That's...y'know-That's-We've been alone for the last twenty minutes we're doing okay. Besides y'know what? I-I-Maybe we won't be alone, 'cause lately I-I-things have been happening between me and Ross, y'know? Right before I went into labor, we-we had this kiss. Y'know? So it might be the...the beginning of something. [Ross Geller] Hey Janice! [Janice Litman Goralnik] Oh hi! [Ross Geller] Who's this little guy? [Janice Litman Goralnik] Say hello to Aaron, your future son-in-law. [Ross Geller] No-no. No. [Janice Litman Goralnik] I'm gonna leave the three of you alone. [Ross Geller] Okay. [Janice Litman Goralnik] Bye. [Ross Geller] Man! Did you see the kid on that nose? [Rachel Green] Uh-huh. Y'know what I was, I was thinking about? [Ross Geller] Huh? [Rachel Green] Umm...that kiss before we left the apartment. That was some-something huh? [Ross Geller] Yeah. Yeah, it really was. But we...we gotta be careful. We...we can't let that happen again, y'know? [Rachel Green] Right. [Ross Geller] I mean we don't want to go down that road do we? [Rachel Green] No! No, of course not. No. That's why I brought it up. They didn't have any sodas? [Ross Geller] Oh my God! I'm sorry, I was talking to this nurse, completely forgot. [Rachel Green] That's all right. And so it begins. --------------------------------------- [Phoebe Buffay] Is she in there? [Ross Geller] Yeah. She's putting her down now, that's her. [Phoebe Buffay] Oh! [Ross Geller] Look at Emma! [Phoebe Buffay] I just can't decide who she looks more alike, you or Rachel? [Ross Geller] Oh what are you kidding? She's gorgeous, it's all Rachel. [Phoebe Buffay] I'm sorry, for the last time, why aren't you two together again? No, I know. I know, because you're not in that place. Which would be fine, except you totally are. [Ross Geller] It's...it's complicated okay? [Phoebe Buffay] Yeah that's true. Yeah, you love her. You always have. You have a child together. There is no right answer. [Ross Geller] Look, we've been together. Okay? And then apart, and then together, and then apart, and now we have a baby. It's just if-if we got together again and it didn't work out...I could never do that to Emma. I mean she-she thinking everything- Oh that's...now me. What do they put something in the water in this place? Since Rachel and I we're doing really, we're doing really well right now. [Phoebe Buffay] I know. I know. I know. I know, and if you try to make it more you might wreck it. [Ross Geller] Yeah, exactly. [Phoebe Buffay] Right. Or you might get everything you've wanted since you were fifteen. --------------------------------------- [Joey Tribbiani] Hey. I just saw a woman breast feeding both of her twins at the same time; it is like a freak show up here. What's the matter? [Rachel Green] Nothing. [Joey Tribbiani] What is it? Hey! [Rachel Green] Really it's nothing. I'm just... [Joey Tribbiani] Rach come on, what? [Rachel Green] I've just been thinking about how my baby and I are gonna be all alone. [Joey Tribbiani] What are you talking about alone? What about Ross? [Rachel Green] Oh please, he'll be with his real family, the twins and little miss new boobs. [Joey Tribbiani] Okay, how long was I watching that woman? [Rachel Green] I'm just saying that y'know, someday Ross is gonna meet somebody and...he's gonna have his own life. Right? [Joey Tribbiani] Yeah, I guess so. [Rachel Green] I just never thought I would raise this baby all by myself. Pretty dumb huh? [Joey Tribbiani] Hey, listen to me, listen to me...you are never ever gonna be alone. Okay? I promise that's not gonna happen. [Rachel Green] Joey. Honey what would I do without you? [Joey Tribbiani] You don't have to worry about that okay? [Rachel Green] Oh, hon can you grab me my other box of tissues? They're right on that chair under Ross's coat. [Joey Tribbiani] Sure. [Rachel Green] Okay. [Joey Tribbiani] My God. [Rachel Green] Joey. [Rachel Green] Oh my God. Okay.

{"show": "Friends", "season": "s08", "episode": "e24", "title": "The One Where Rachel Has a Baby, Part 2"}

friends/emorynlp