text
stringlengths 918
162k
|
|---|
Hermes escaped last weekend . Julian and I were up at his parents ' place canning tomatoes . Julian , his daughter and myself were slaving over a hot stove while his niece and son were on " tomato duty " - running out to the garage to bring in more tomatoes . The first time they went out , Hermes joined them . He sniffed around the closed garage a bit and came back in when they did . The next time they went to go out , they called him to come along . What they didn 't realize that someone had opened the garage door . Hermes saw the bright light and sunshine and took off like a shot . Hermes has no recall . He will not come when called . When I got him from the shelter they warned me that I could never let him off leash , his little hound dog brain would be hellbent for smells - not for obeying . When we heard what happened Julian reassured me that his niece , who has two dogs of her own , is well versed in dog wrangling . I gave them some time , but after a few minutes when they hadn 't reappeared I threw on some shoes , grabbed Hermes ' leash and went out to help . Julian 's folks have a huge piece of property . The front half is suburban house but " the back forty " is wild meadow and scrub . It 's so large that sometimes I just walk around the perimeter with Hermes for his nightly walk . He loves it - it 's hound dog heaven , full of bunnies and other critters , long grasses and weeds . I figured that 's where he 'd head . Sure enough , as I rounded the corner I spotted him trotting through the grass , the kids trailing behind . I shouted to Julian 's son to cut around and cut Hermes off , but he said " I can 't go that way - we don 't have shoes ! " It turned out that they hadn 't been wearing shoes in the garage and when Hermes took off , they just followed him barefoot ! Of course there are prickers and sharp sticks out there , so I sent them in to get their shoes and headed after Hermes alone . I nearly caught him twice . I had my hands on his little furry hips , but the snaky little SOB shot out of my hands . Now that he knew the game was on , he ran over to the edge of the property . The neighbors have a similar size lot , except their back half is a Christmas tree farm . In between the two lots is a kind of botanical no - man 's land of scrub oak , thorns and evergreens . Being low to the ground , Hermes zipped back forth . I had to jump over , climb under and sometimes just run through the vegetation just to keep site of him . Then it happened - he ducked under some vines and I lost sight of him . My heart dropped in my chest . Fortunately a second later he caught the scent of … something . He started baying his little hound heart out . I couldn 't see him , but I could hear him . I ran towards him . Then I caught a glimpse of white tip of his tail - I was suddenly glad hunters had bred that into hunting dogs , because it helped a lot . I followed him over to the farm . I finally had the presence of mind to back off . I stayed close , kept him in sight , but didn 't try to grab him . I kept thinking about people who hunt with dogs and tried my best to make Hermes think I was running with him after whatever critter he was tracking - not after him . It worked . He stopped for a second to take an extra sniff , and that was the opening I was looking for . I swooped down and grabbed his collar ! Dog retrieved ! At one more than one point during this ridiculous chase , I found myself ( still wearing a blue and white checked apron mind you ) running full tilt after that dog . I was running as fast as I could . I couldn 't help but think that a couple of years ago , I wouldn 't have been able to do that . I couldn 't have kept up with him . This time , even though I felt like I had just completed an obstacle course , I wasn 't even breathing all that hard . I was more scared than winded . Truthfully , probably nothing would have happened to him if I hadn 't caught him - he was far enough from the roads , but that wasn 't what I was thinking at the time . I just really appreciated what this new body can do . I used to love Autumn . Summer was my enemy . It was always too hot , too sticky and too sunny . When the weather started to turn , I was in heaven . The cooler nights and walking through falling leaves made me happy . I felt settled . This year , all that has changed . This year I embraced summer . I ran , hiked , biked , kayaked , swam - even tried stand up paddleboarding . For the first time since being a kid , I 'm actually tan . I 've loved being this active and being out in the sun . Autumn , however , has come very suddenly to the Midwest . For the past week or so it 's been cold , rainy and windy . Since getting a dog , I feel much more attuned to the seasons . I am outside every morning and every night with him and I notice the shortening of the days more than I used to . I see the fading flowers and the landscaping changing , and I notice the flocks of birds moving south . I keep an eye on the weather . I watch out for thunderstorms ( since my pooch is petrified of them , ) and I now have to dress for the temperature . I 'm already adding more and more layers . I 'm finding my mood is getting dark too . I talked to my therapist about it and she suggested reframing the season , to find things to love about autumn again . I thought it was good advice - it doesn 't make sense to try and fight Mother Nature , she always wins . So , replaced all my desktop photos of the lake this summer at the cottage with photos of pretty Fall foliage . I took my hot pink toenail polish off and replaced it with a silly OPI color called " Wooden Shoe Like to Know ? " I 've started putting funny little Fall window clings on my door - not as decor for people coming in , but to make me smile when I leave . I bought some new candles in scents called " Harvest Apple " and " Flannel " and have been lighting them when I get home . ( No " Pumpkin Spice " though … I have to draw the line somewhere . ) I 've even started pulling out my favorite sweaters . I 'm trying . Sometimes " fake it ' til you make it " is all you can do . I am very grateful for my fitness classes right now , though . Last year I had trouble staying active this time of year , this year I am actually ramping up . I 'll let you know how it goes . Yep , it was another adventure ! My boxing / fitness studio offered the class . The owner said that in summer fewer people go to the gym , so the studio offers some speciality programs to keep people motivated . Sometimes it 's high intensity classes in the studio and sometimes it 's one - off classes like this . I 'll admit , I wasn 't sure I was going to enjoy it . The studio emailed us about the class back in June . At that time I assumed that by late July it would be hot . You know , the way late summer usually is . However , this has been a particularly cool summer here in the Midwest . How cool ? Well , that morning when I got up , it was 58 degrees . We also had a 60 percent chance of thunderstorms that night . On top of weather concerns , I had " first class " jitters . You know what I mean - those silly butterflies that say things like : But you know … I had said I would go . Plus there was a nonrefundable equipment rental fee . And the thunderstorm warnings were moved until later that night . So , I packed a bag with everything I could think of ( two towels , water bottle , sweatshirt , spare shoes , etc . ) and after work , headed to the lake . I didn 't need worry . Standup Paddleboards are a lot more stable than they look . In fact , the only time I got wet was carrying my board out of the water to the shore . I never fell in , and even if I had , everyone was super supportive of the folks that took a swim . As one gal said , " Once you fall in , it stops being scary . What 's going to happen ? I 'll get more wet ? " This class was awesome on a number of levels . First of all , one of my goals with fitness is to try everything . I am so , so new at all this . I hated sports as a kid and for most of my life , I was not athletic . I 'm still learning what I like , and what I don 't . I figure that the best way to learn that is just to try everything . That 's also why I took Pilates the other day - it 's all about new experiences . I 'm trying to be anti - fragile . Nerd Fitness has a great article about that here : Becoming Antifragile : How to Prepare Yourself for Chaos . If I am going to make fitness a way of life , I don 't want to be locked into anything . I know myself , I can become obsessed . Then , if something goes wrong , I have a tendency to drop it like a hot potato . I don 't want that to derail me . Having a huge list of things that help me keep active that I love is much better than being obsessed with just one thing . Another great thing ? I got out on a new lake ! This particular lake is really close to my house , but I have never had the opportunity to get out on it . We didn 't go all that far around , but even still I got to see the lake in a whole new way . I love that . To my surprise , I was fairly decent at it . For most of my life I 've been the slow one , the uncoordinated one , the one who didn 't understand the rules , the one who sat on the sidelines . Being picked last for kickball - after the kid with the leg braces - can be really hard on your kiddo self esteem . As an adult , I don 't mind it as much . I 'm much better at accepting that I have a higher learning curve when it comes to physical fitness than others . I spent most of my life in my head , wrapped up in books and art , this fitness thing is all new to me . I can accept that and be comfortable with the notion that I can get better with practice . However , in this SUP class , I felt like I held my own . I wasn 't in the front of the pack , but I also wasn 't in the back . I 'd say , front of the middle . At the end when we held a relay race , I did my part and felt great about it ( there were some who were too scared to try . ) Which brings up another thing - I did it ! Like I said , I was nervous about it , but I did it . ( And I would go again in a heartbeat . ) All this fitness stuff has given me a confidence in myself that I 've never had before . I always knew I could trust my brain to get me through most situations , but I have never had that kind of faith in my body . SUP requires your whole body - from toes to head - and I felt good about it . I struggle with running . I like the fact that I can run , I just don 't like the running itself much . I keep hoping that will change with more exposure and increased skill , ( but I have my doubts . ) Nonetheless , my current workout calls for interval training , so off I go ! The other morning I packed my bag to run after work . I was feeling pretty good about it as the workout only calls for 15 - 20 minutes of intervals . That is certainly doable , ( even though I haven 't run that much this year , ) but by the end of the work day , I was feeling a lot less motivated . It was hot and humid and my inner voice kept saying " F - It . " I 've read lots of advice on how to work out when you don 't feel like it . Most say to at least give it 5 minutes . If after 5 minutes you want to stop , fine , but usually the hardest part is just getting started . Once you start , you 'll finish . So , I figured I 'd try that . I also decided to stack the deck in my favor by going trail running . I love being in the woods , so trail running appeals a bit more to me . As a plus , the park where I like to trail run is right by the river - hopefully that meant it would be a little cooler and less humid . However , despite the proximity of the river , it was still hot and pretty buggy . I was glad I slathered myself in bug spray , ( the problem with trails : flying bugs and ticks . ) My run time pretty much sucked , but that was okay , the important part was that I did it . Johnny Cash , Credence Clearwater Revival and Tom Waits kept me going . After all , you don 't tell Johnny Cash that you are going to quit . But near the end when Aretha Franklin came over the headphones , I slowed to a walk . Let 's face it , Aretha wouldn 't be caught dead running through the woods . Last weekend I went up to the lake . I have a small cabin there , not much of a place - one bedroom , one bath , but all mine with 80 ′ of shoreline . It is , in a word , heaven . I also get a lot of sleep . I usually stay up later than I do when I am home , but I also get up later ( as long as Hermes lets me . Sometimes my pup doesn 't quite understand weekends . ) I always manage to get several naps in . There is something about laying on that couch - windows open , breeze coming in of the water … it is just too perfect not to nap . Most importantly , I am active . It wasn 't always this way . I used to get there and my only movement was from the couch to the lawn chair and back again . But now I find I want to do things . I love being on the water and hiking with Hermes . It seems like this is the kind of life I should be living . Oh , I know I have to work in there somewhere - the bills won 't pay themselves . But now that I have more things that I like to do , and I have more energy to do them , it feels right . I makes me happy . There is another side to all this , though . I call it " re - entry . " Eventually I have to come back to reality . My life is very , very good and I have many things that I love here , but there is also all the stress and problems of everyday living that pop up . Suddenly I have to check my email and return phone calls . There are angry customers and annoying coworkers to deal with . There is a distinct lack of a kayak . I am very hard to live with following a cabin weekend . " Grumpy " is probably the kindest word I can use . It eventually passes , but it is a good reminder of what I need more of in my life . I don 't need a big house , fancy gadgets or a nice car . I need a spot on a lake , a boat to paddle around on it , and a good place to walk my dog . While it might sound like I am complaining about the weather , I 'm not . It is what it is - and what it is , is hard . Those are just the facts . I haven 't mentioned the house problems that I 've had because of it : giant ice dams ( my roofer said they were the largest dams he had seen in 23 years in the business ) , water leaking into my house , gutters ripping down because of the ice , ( and slamming into the house all night long during a windstorm , ) my front door being frozen shut , and of course , frozen pipes . The good side is that the roof didn 't collapse ( I have a friend whose did ) , the gutter ripped itself off like an old band - aid , and the water damage is quite minimal . It is a pain in the butt and a filthy mess , but nothing serious . The pipes have ( so far ) all thawed with the generous use of a space heater and I don 't use the front door anyway . Annoying ? Sure , but not all that terrible . A lot of people have had to deal with a lot worse . There is even a silver lining to having to hire a roofer to work on the ice dams . He gave me some great advice . Adding more insulation and cold air vents will prevent some of this in the future and make my house energy - efficient . ( Things you don 't want to hear from your roofer : " Is your house over a 100 years old ? " Yes . . . " Thought so . It has 100 year old insulation . " ) But then again , it 's an easy problem to solve - all it takes is money . Problems are not always so easy . On the money side , I am still thinking deeply about my next career move . I 've seen a few things that have caught my eye and that gives me hope . The job market was so bad for so long , I was just grateful to even have a job . Now I am starting to see signs that positions in my field are starting to open up . I 've been working a lot on building an online portfolio of my work as well as brushing up the old resume . All of this is part of my confusion . I 'm just not sure what to focus on . My house needs repairs , I 'd love to find new work , and at the same time I have loved ones and friends I haven 't spent enough time with lately . I also need to focus on myself . I was in a deep funk for a while , and I want to get back to feeling like a badass . If I do go looking for a job , having a little badassery on my side would not be a bad a thing at all ! I 've also let this blog go and I miss it . I know that there are only so many hours in the day and blah , blah , blah , but still , when I write here I feel good . It helps me pick out the important things and I when I make commitments here , I trend to keep them . That 's good for my overall mojo . The trick is trying to put it all together . What does get dropped ? How to I make it all happen ? Though it is March , it was - 5 degrees this morning ( colder yet with windchill . ) With over 20 ″ of snow on the ground , it still feels like February . My city is constantly being ranked in the snowiest cities in the country - not just in the top 10 , we are up in the top three . The other morning the wind was whipping fine snow spray everywhere . I felt this strange sensation … it took a minute to realize that my eyelashes were freezing together ! Welcome to winter in the Midwest . I don 't really mind all that much - snow shoveling is an excellent work out , as is slogging though snow . In fact , my dog walks are more like hikes - I end up climbing 4 ′ - 5 ' hills of ice and snow at every intersection . Even though I haven 't been working out like I was , I am still getting quite a bit of exercise . And I have to say , it has been a beautiful winter . Usually by now all the snowbanks are grungy and black and the streets are nasty , but this year everything is still as pretty as a Christmas card . I 've slowly been getting back in the swing of things . I 'm back to making sure I get at least 15 minutes of exercise a day ( over an above my hour a day dog walks ) and tracking my calories with the MyFitnessPal app . I 'm also trying to make sure I get at least 8 hours of sleep a night . It 's paying off , I have lost a couple of the post - holiday pounds I put on , and I am definitely feeling more energetic . I 'm hoping to build on those three habits as we move into spring . I 've still got a lot on my plate . I am trying to figure out where to focus my attention : home , work , family , friends , writing , health … there is so much I want to do ! I 'm trying to find that mysterious work / life balance I 've heard tell about , but it is like tracking down a unicorn . People talk about it , but has anyone ever actually seen it ? I wonder … Posted on January 6 , 2014 by longviewhill Reply I 'm in part of the Midwest that is getting hit by all this winter weather . It 's cold and when we aren 't getting ice , we 're getting snow ( and lots of it . ) I 'm not really complaining . I know it 's all just part of winter in the north , but I admit , I am starting to look forward to spring . People had been saying it was going to be a bad winter all last fall . I didn 't really believe it , or rather , I just figured it would be the same as last year - no snow until Christmas , a wintery January and then right back into a dreary spring . That 's certainly not the case this year ! One of my coworkers knitted Hermes a sweater . I am usually anti - clothes for my dog , but as I write this it is - 4 degrees with a - 20 degree wind chills . So , a sweater it is . My coworker knows I am always concerned about visibility so she made it Hunter Orange . I 'm not sure he is much more visible at night , but he certainly won 't be mistaken for a deer . He doesn 't mind the weather at all . Honestly , he doesn 't mind much at all . All he really cares about is : food , walks , and fireworks . The first two he loves , the last one he hates . If a sweater means food and a walk ( he gets a treat for putting it on nicely , ) then he 's all for it . Me ? I 'm having a little bit of a harder time . There is so much snow on the sidewalks that parts are almost impossible to pass through . A walk that usually takes 15 minutes took me over 40 the other night . Then , just as I am ready to call it quits , figuring it 's not weather fit for man nor beast , some runner comes striding past me … in tennis shoes and running clothes , nonetheless . ( I bundle up like I am heading out on a North Pole expedition just to get the mail . ) Me ? I 'm not working out , ( other than snow slogging with the dog and snow shoveling , ) and my weight is up a bit . Ironically , I made it through Christmas just fine , it was the days following the holiday that did me in . Ah well , every day I wake up and think , " Okay , today is the day I will do this . I will refocus . " I 've been a bit MIA lately . I am working on a few new projects , and those combined with the holidays , is keeping me hopping ! I might be posting a little bit less for the next couple of months . I am trying to get all my ducks in a row on some big things , and it is taking up a lot of my time and creative energy to write . I 've also not been able to exercise the way that I want to . I keep trying , but I think I just have to accept that in December , dog walking and snow shoveling is about all I am going to get done . I do have one small complaint , however . I wish RunKeeper ( the app I use to track my walks ) had a feature where you could input the number of inches on the snow along with a modifier for the percentage of negligent neighbors who haven 't shoveled ! I don 't really mind that they haven 't shoveled , but want extra " slogging " credit on my calorie count ! ( Also , most of my neighbors aren 't really negligent , I know that those who don 't shovel usually don 't have the wherewithal to do so , but I loved the alliteration of " negligent neighbors . " ) Hermes and I are still out for about an hour a day . I 've added ice fishing cleats to my boots and a few extra layers , but we 're still getting out as much as ever . He loves this weather . He jumps in snowbanks , buries his nose in it and always grabs a few mouthfuls . Even though I am bundled up like I am going on a expedition to the North Pole , it 's hard to be grumpy when he is so dang happy . Posted on December 10 , 2013 by longviewhill 3 Here 's me , feeling festive ! Like much of the Midwest , we 're getting a fair amount of snow . That opens up a whole other area of winter exercising - snow shoveling ! Also scraping off cars , donning winter gear , and of course the ever popular sport of clutching the steering wheel white knuckled with fear . All good for the heart and respiratory systems ! The funny thing is that I have always loved winter . As a kid I had pretty bad seasonal allergies and winter was one of the few times I could play outside and not be bothered by pollen or dust . It 's also a lovely time of year . One of my favorite sights is fresh snow at night when it is like a big sparkling blanket . I have to say though , that it 's a little different having lost forty pounds . Winter is still pretty , but brrrr ! I am so very cold ! Of course , Hermes the dog thinks this weather is awesome , so we 're still trekking through the neighborhood twice a day . I swear he deliberately looks for snow banks to jump in , silly little dog . I mean , I know he is wearing a fur coat , but the bottom of their paws is just skin - how is it that they don 't care ? It 's a mystery . I won 't be running in this , that 's for sure . I 'm just too scared of slipping and falling . I even wear cleats on my boots when I am walking the pooch , so I don 't think I 'll attempt running . My new snow pants are awesome , though : " Bugaboo " by Columbia . ( I got them at T . J . Maxx . ) They much such a difference ! They really are warm , and they keep the snow and damp off me , which is even more important . |
My wife and I had an argument last night . Okay , not an argument per se , more of a very lively and engaged discussion . There were a number of things we hadn 't been able to address for a while due to being short on time and long on fatigue , so we finally went ahead and hashed ' em out . When my beautiful wife reads this , she might not be terribly fond of the idea of me airing our dirty laundry , but I 'm doing it for a good reason , so I hope she 'll forgive me . Okay honey ? Thanks . I love you . And who doesn 't have a little dirty laundry ? I 've never put much stock in the idea that I should put up a facade of perfection . The perfect marriage , family , and friendship do not , in fact , exist . I think that anyone who pretends they have it all figured out is in for a nasty surprise at some point . Why not just be honest ? Ain 't none of us perfect , so why pretend ? It 's exhausting . So we 're not perfect , and we had a heated discussion to air some frustrations . It wasn 't entirely pleasant , but it was necessary in order to clear some things up and join forces to start coming up with solutions . I also decided that I would really not mind if there were about four more hours in the day ; that extra time would have likely allowed us to talk about these things much sooner than we did . I would also be able to blog more often , and spend more time eating Cheetos . As you know , we have three little munchkins that consume most of our non - work time , and that 's just the way things work . We love them with all our hearts , and wouldn 't trade a moment of it , but it really cuts down on quality time as a couple if you 're not careful . Then , frustrations can fester because you 're not talking about them , and resentment can set in , and resentment can be deadly . I 'm a guy . I need cave time , as all guys do . At the end of a fifteen - hour day of work and kids , my brain is about to go caveman , and I 'm close to the point at which I start grunting unintelligibly . I need some time alone to process the day , and I 'm not always good at leaving my cave to connect with my wife . Our conversation last night really got me thinking about priorities , and I decided mine might not be entirely in order . I went to the ever - reliable internet for answers , and it turns out I 've got a mild case of something called " priorititis " . WebMD says that symptoms may include sleeplessness , irritability , shortness of breath , spontaneous rash , and unintelligible grunting . I think WebMD is mostly full of it , but at least they got the last one right . Before we had kids , spending time together came easy . We didn 't have to spend our attention and energy on nearly as many things and people . I admit that I 've had a hard time getting used to the way things are now , but that 's no excuse . An extra four hours in the day would likely help a lot , but since the physics involved in moving our planet the correct extra distance from the sun in order to accomplish that would result in roughly seven billion people - shaped icicles and I don 't have that kind of power anyway , I guess I 'll make do with the time I have . And I guess that 's part of marriage . You adapt to changes in your life and continue to make each other your top relational priority , or you don 't . If you don 't , you start to resent . You stop talking about anything meaningful . Over time , you turn cold toward each other . I 'm willing to do anything to prevent those things from happening , so it 's us that will need to change , not our circumstances . Or the earth 's orbit . Over our years together , when out for dinner , we 've occasionally seen an elderly couple sitting at a table nearby who , throughout their entire meal , say barely a word to each other . They don 't make much eye contact . They don 't smile at each other . We always say we don 't want to become " that couple " , and really , what couple does ? But so many couples don 't understand in their early years what it takes to avoid it , the sheer amount of effort , work , and time that are necessary . " Happily ever after " falls apart if you don 't work at it together after the credits roll on the love story . Don 't get me wrong . " Ever after " can be happy . But it 's a long road , and you have to arrive together and still liking each other most of the time for that to happen . You can 't grunt your way through it , letting your " priorititis " get increasingly worse . Thankfully , I think I 'm on the road to recovery . In true sleep - deprived parent fashion , it appears I 've forgotten my own birthday . Not my personal birthday , although that gets more tempting every year , but that of the Used Diaper Salesman . The Salesman turned one year old a couple of weeks ago , and to celebrate I picked up a cake that I thought would fit the occasion nicely . One year old feels more like thirty - three to me , and thirty - three sometimes feels like seventy - three . Hence the Depends . You can never be too careful with incontinence . It 's been a fun year . My kids have grown , learned new words , and gone through fun phases . Some of those phases have been fun in the masochistic sense of the word . I 've enjoyed every bit of it , however , because they 're my kids and I love them , human nature , growing pains , and all . My goal as a parent is to build a lasting relationship with my kids that is based on trust and kindness , to teach them the values and good habits that will help them succeed in life . What you see here represents my best , albeit sometimes weak , attempts at that . Also , it 's possible that my kids will someday choose my senior living arrangements , and I really want them to put me in a place that has cable and decent food . Got that , kids ? I don 't have a whole lot else to say about what I hope is the first of many such milestones for our intrepid hero , the Used Diaper Salesman , so I thought I 'd recap the year with a countdown of five of my favorite posts . Here they are ; I hope you enjoy them . Again . 1 . How the * * * * * Stole Christmas , part one and part two . I know it 's cheating to put two in one , but you can 't have one without the other . The video in part two is an all - time classic . I could easily add a lot more . It 's fun to live out my family 's events , milestones , and hilarity in writing with the knowledge that I have an indelible record of life I can show my kids when they 're twenty and forty and sixty , assuming the world doesn 't come to a screeching halt before then . I can show my grandkids all the sweet and embarrassing things their parents did when they were kids , assuming my nursing home has internet access . Still listening , kids ? Brady is the kind of kid who really thrives on one - on - one attention . Almost anytime we 're hanging out at home , he 'll usually ask , " Daddy do you want to play with me ? " The answer , of course , is " Yes ! " , but with two other kids and various other responsibilities , " can " and " want to " don 't always coincide , so he just has to entertain himself a good deal of the time . As my old buddy Frankie Sinatra used to say , that 's life . So it was with great anticipation that Brady woke up yesterday morning , an epic day of father - son fun ahead of him . My wife is a teacher and had to be at work all day , and the younger kids were at day care , but Brady didn 't have school , so I took a day off to spend with him . In the days leading up to it , he asked me at least a dozen times what we were going to do on our " special day " . I kept some of it a secret , but gave him just enough for him to get really pumped . And boy , was he pumped . We started the day by hitting McDonald 's for some breakfast burritos , which are in Brady 's top five list of things that are truly awesome . He told me he would have three but that I could only have one . I told him I would get pretty hungry with only one of those little things , but he said I could have a banana if I was still hungry . I 'm glad to see our attempts at getting him to eat healthier food are rubbing off . Fortified with bananas and burritos , we set sail for Fleet Farm , which I affectionately call the Man Mall . I got my hunting license and some other things we needed for the house , and we picked up a new winter jacket for Brady since he grows like a weed and the one we had seems to have shrunk three sizes since last winter . Fleet Farm has an awesome toy department during the holiday season which is conveniently located in the exact center of the store , so you can 't go shopping without walking through it or taking a three mile detour to go around it . It 's huge , sparkly , and has a siren song that calls to any kid who walks through the doors . Brady heard that song loud and clear , and I didn 't mind because I love cool toys as much as the next guy . Finally , I tore myself . . . er , Brady away from the toy guns by telling him that Christmas is coming soon and that he could add the things he wants to his Christmas list . He got a smug look on his face , probably thinking about Santa huffing and puffing from trying to lug around such a full sack of toys . Life is so simple when you 're five . With a last wistful look at the tool set I want , we hit the checkout line and our day began in earnest . On the way to the museum of natural history in Minneapolis , we talked about convertibles and socks . We saw a convertible which , like all convertibles , looked a little funny with its top up , and once Brady learned what it was , he pretended that we were in a convertible and kept telling me how cold he was with the top down . Regarding the socks , he recently learned that he wears a size M for medium . He told me that I wear size E for enormous and that when he grows up , he will wear size H for huge . Hard to argue with that . He 's a big boy . Naturally , the museum turned out to be paradise for taxidermists and curious five - year - olds . Imagine being three and a half feet tall and looking up at a bull moose that weighed over half a ton back when he was still grazing on real grass and has a shoulder height about as tall as your daddy . Brady was in awe . He did a little bird - watching , and the birds sat perfectly still . Then , after listening to the ocean in some seashells for a while , he decided he was now an expert on everything he 'd seen and that he was ready to go . On the way out , he took a brief ride on the back of a wolf that was stalking a moose . He told me I should get up on the moose 's back , but that looked painful from where I was standing , so we headed for the car . He was pretty quiet on the ride back . I commented that it was kind of a gray day , and he said , " Yeah , it 's a down in the blues kind of day . " Then Maroon 5 came on the radio with " Moves Like Jagger " and he sang right along , only in his version , the chorus goes " . . . I got to mooove my jacket , I got to mooove my jacket , I got to moo - oo - oo - oo - oove my jacket . " I like a good mondegreen ( Google it ) , and his was the best one I 'd heard in a while . He laughed at the song 's funny lyrics . No down in the blues for that guy . We also talked about dreams . His dreams right now are to go deer hunting with a Tommy gun ( I didn 't have the heart to tell him that isn 't exactly legal ) and to work where I work when he grows up . " Right next to you , daddy . " , he said . I love that kid . With our bananas and burritos wearing off , we decided to demolish the lunch buffet at a pizza place . And demolish it we did . When I returned from a trip to the buffet for a pizza refill , a glass of Sprite had appeared on our table . " I ordered it for you ! " , he said , before drinking half of it himself . We were headed for a movie next , so I told him that if he drank too much , he would have to go potty right in the middle of the movie . He just waved me off . Finally , we went to see The Lion King in 3D , which was super cool . But before the movie , we played Mario Kart in the arcade . This game is not about winning the race , it 's about knocking your opponent silly with turtle shells . Brady has a habit of using his outside voice to ask questions about movies . It 's loud in those theaters , so naturally , he has to make himself heard . We got a crusty look from a mom who was there with her three perfectly - behaved kids , and I smiled back , secure in the knowledge that my kid was WAY more fun than her three put together . And sure enough , just as the sun was rising over the Savannah and the chorus of voices began to swell to start the opening sequence of The Lion King , Brady had to go potty . We missed Simba being born , which prompted more questions later . What a day . We ate junk food , shopped for manly things and toys , checked out a bunch of dead animals , ate more junk food , played video games , and got to wear really cool glasses to a movie . For a day , we were in a constant state of hakuna matata . And we talked . We were just together , and when the day was over , he was tired but very pleased with our adventures . I told him that I love to hang out with him and he just gave me a big hug . Time spent is what makes Brady 's heart thrive , and I could tell he was flying high . I remember the times when my dad spent a morning 's worth of father - son time with just me when I was Brady 's age , and how important I felt , how cool it was to eat doughnuts for breakfast , to listen to him give me advice and teach me things about the world , or just talk about nothing in particular . I want to carry on the tradition with my kids , to show them how precious they are to me . . . . if , as a result of that last statement , you sometimes use Johnson 's baby shampoo in your own hair . Just admit it . It 's okay . Most of us are in for a rude awakening once our children discover that they have a will of their own . The idyllic Hollywood family is mostly a flat - out fake , but most of us don 't truly begin to understand that until our kids start teething , talking , and tantruming , the last of which is not actually a word , only a term that I made up because my powers of alliteration are a little slow this morning and I couldn 't think of anything better . The fact that I 'm explaining this to you at all should tell you that I 'm short on sleep and very well - caffeinated this morning , and really not at the top of my game . So because you 're obviously in for some stream - of - consciousness and I don 't want things to get out of hand , I 'll try to keep this a bit shorter than usual . Also , I really need to go get another cup of coffee . So , random tangents aside , we 've agreed that parenting is not usually what we thought it was going to be , right ? If you said " no " , you 're a big fat liar . If you gave the correct answer , you 're among the vast majority who have by now realized three great truths , which are as follows . 1 . My kids aren 't perfect , 2 . Neither am I , and 3 . We never will be . The reason ? We 're all selfish creatures by nature . Children are the perfect showcase for this fact , because they act on impulse and instinct , and those impulses rarely include sharing with or helping someone else . I 'm sorry to break it to you , but we humans are not basically good , as it turns out . We 've simply developed civilizations that make it unnecessary to kill each other over food and club our desired mate over the head and drag her ( or him ) off to our cave . We civilized adults have mostly learned to control those impulses , but it 's ultimately a choice , and this applies nowhere more than within our families . A parent who goes against their nature and serves their family selflessly will have a better chance of success , and as horrible as I am at doing that much of the time , it 's still my goal . Think about it . It takes courage to set your own needs aside in favor of those of your spouse and kids . And with that said , I 'd like to encourage you dads out there to take the time to go see a new movie that 's coming out this weekend . It 's called ( surprise ! ) " Courageous " , and it looks to be a great drama about four cops , regular guys who overcome a variety of challenges and obstacles in the interest of becoming better dads and husbands . You can check out the trailer and get more information here . Moms , you can go too . Here 's the poster : Take Pringles potato crisps , for example . Does anyone know why it is indeed the case that once you pop , you truly can 't stop ? Is their ad slogan really just that effective ? Do we have an ingrained need for partially hydrogenated plant oils ? The world may never know . Or how about green olives . Everyone I know has a mostly - empty jar of them in the back of their refrigerator that has been there since approximately 1974 , and sometimes it came with their fridge when they moved into their house . Why in the world is it so hard to get rid of those things ? The jar that resides at the back of the second shelf in my fridge has an olive near the bottom whom I 've named Pete , because for some reason , it reminds me of a bald guy I know . Pete stares at me balefully with his pimento eye every time I open the fridge for a late night snack , seeming to say , " Please . . . please , eat me . I 've been looking at the back of a pickle jar for years and I just can 't stand it anymore ! " But I never do . I 'm not a big fan of green olives . Who knows why those briny little jars sit back there for decades ? Pete might ; he 's older than I am , and therefore probably wiser . Stonehenge . Teletubbies . The Bermuda Triangle . The number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop . There are many unexplained mysteries out there . The one that has me thinking today is one of the oldest in existence ( cue dramatic music ) : the evil that resides in the hearts of men . dun - dun - dun - DUUUUUN ! Last night as he settled into bed , Brady initiated one of his patented late night conversations that usually catch me when my brain is at its most fried . These chats inspire a strange mix of feelings that is equal parts love ( because of how sweet they are ) , fierce pride ( that is one sharp kid ! ) , and exasperation ( since I 'm trying to get little brother Riley to sleep in the same room and he can 't do so when there 's stimulating conversation to be had ) . Here 's how it went down , straight out of the blue . Me , flat - footed : Uhh . . . well , he did , honey . He blew up some big buildings and it was very sad because a lot of people got hurt . But our army caught him , so he won 't make any more . Who was telling you about Bin Laden ? An awfully terrible insight for a five - year - old , don 't you think ? Because there are , and Brady is worried about them . Thanks a lot , Tanner . I assured him that he is , and that set him at ease , but can a parent really guarantee that ? No , we can 't . The world is a wonderful place , filled with thousands of awe - inspiring things like pyramids and dinosaur bones and Silly Putty , and those are what a kid in his second week of Kindergarten should be thinking about , not death and destruction . But the fact is , the world is also a dangerous place in some respects , and as it get smaller and its inhabitants get closer together , the hatred of the evil ones becomes more palpable to us all . Even kids . Especially kids , because they usually process information with pure emotion . Am I safe , dad ? I can 't guarantee anything , kiddo , but it 's my life 's mission to keep you that way . I 'm not interested in sheltering my kids , and I don 't think that the information supplied by big - mouth Tanner is going to ruin Brady 's life . It just made me think . I 'm approaching the phase of parenthood in which we have to start having difficult conversations about strangers and internet safety , war and ( gulp ) the birds and bees . I 'll soon have to tell him what really happened on September 11 , 2001 . It 's a weird feeling , as I 'm sure many of you know . And speaking of wars , I 'm thinking about taking this war of information right back to Tanner . I wonder if I can get Brady to convince Tanner that the boogey - man lives in his closet . What do you think ? I think two can play at this game . If you 're like me , you know that Kidz Bop 20 is currently available for the low , low price of $ 19 . 95 plus shipping and handling charges ( please allow four to six weeks for delivery ) , and your kids know the words to the featured songs simply from watching the commercials . For the uninitiated , Kidz Bop is a series of CDs featuring kids singing the latest annoying pop songs . If you 're like me , the fact that the latest pop songs are annoying makes you feel just a little bit old . If you 're like me , you know that Lucky Charms are still magically delicious , because just like when you were a kid watching The Smurfs on Saturday mornings , your TV tells you so . Your kids also know this , and will never let you pass Lucky the Leprechaun in the grocery store without a desperate plea to buy his elusive Charms . If you ask them why you should , they 'll say , " Duh . . . because they 're magically delicious ! " You should have known . And then you buy them , because secretly , you agree . Unless you 're a parent with superhuman levels of energy , resolve , and aversion to toddler - targeted commercial marketing , you 're probably a lot like me . This means that at some point during most days , sometimes more than once , the TV is on at your house . And the computer . And the video game console . And it 's not just our kids who have a hard time putting down the remote or the mouse and picking up a book or going outside and enjoying the weather . You wouldn 't have found this post on Facebook if that were the case , right ? Right . It 's very much a plugged - in society in which we live , a very much on - demand iTunes Netflix Xbox Live instant download existence we lead . This is not a bad thing in and of itself ; some of those things make our lives a great deal easier , but they pose a problem when we 're overexposed to them . And that 's the problem : they 're everywhere . This is no lecture , just an observation . I 'm a bit of a gadget / electronics junkie myself . I 'm into a few shows that I won 't miss . I do my reading on an e - reader , for gosh sake ( it rocks ) , and I obviously spend some time in front of a computer ; if I didn 't , there would be no Used Diaper Salesman floating merrily along out here in the blogosphere , and where would we be then ? Wait , don 't answer that . When we were kids ( said the old man ) , we didn 't have as much of that stuff to distract us , and I know our parents said the same thing to our generation with a touch of horror when the Atari and MTV were born . Despite those things , we stayed in great shape with all our running around , playing our pick - up games of tag and hide - and - go - seek , although we were never as fit as our parents because , when they were kids , they had the advantage of walking uphill both ways whenever they went somewhere . It 's true . Just ask them . We had awesome imaginations and far less mass media . I want the same for my kids , but it seems I 'll have to contend for their imaginations with Nickelodeon , Bill Gates , and Kraft Foods . Spongebob is EVERYWHERE , and he wants my children . I say we bring back stick sword fights with no eye protection , treasure hunts with maximum mud - immersion , and whatever it is you girls do for imaginative play . I 'm curious to know what 's worked well for you . In what ways have you been successful at showing your kids how to spend more time being less plugged in ? And now , if you 'll excuse me , I have to go check Facebook . You may recall from my last post that Brady is going through a stage in which he has crowned himself king , emperor , and grand poobah of the known universe and usually sees no reason to willingly bend the knee to us lowly subjects , his parents . Discipline has to be carefully coordinated between my wife and I so that we know we 're being consistent . Each teachable moment has to be judiciously handled so that Brady knows what he did wrong , why it was wrong , and how he can make it right . Brady is an incredibly sweet kid and has a brilliant head on his shoulders , but it 's a hard head for all that and he hasn 't learned to control the impulses that flow from it . Explaining the same right versus wrong concept for the 1 , 053rd time can be trying for us , and patience is really hard to maintain . It makes us feel like we 're doing something wrong . I 'll bet the majority of you parents are nodding your heads right now . You know exactly what I 'm talking about . This morning , Brady provided us with a perfect case in point . His Majesty was spending some involuntary R & R time in his royal chambers ( read : a timeout in his room ) and apparently decided to see if he could escape . He started by banging on the window and yelling to the neighbor whose backyard can be seen from the back of our house . Then he pried open the window and popped out the screen . Imagine for a moment that you 're the neighbor . You 're minding your own business , doing a little peaceful work in your garden , keeping the weeds away from the tomatoes , when you hear pounding and yelling coming from the house behind yours . You look up to see a five - year - old little boy yelling and banging frantically on his bedroom window , and as you 're watching , the little boy throws the window open and pops out the screen . Your first instinct , of course , is to assume that something is wrong . Is someone hurt ? Is there a fire ? Is someone being abused ? So you do what any good neighbor would do and go to check out the situation . My saintly wife assured the neighbor that everything was fine , but was greatly embarrassed , of course . And here 's where it gets tricky . Brady was probably just saying " hi " and thought he could better greet the neighbor through an open window than a closed one . He had no way to know what the neighbor would think . He probably was not trying to cause more trouble , but that 's sure as heck what it felt like to us , and that on top of the original infraction that brought about the time out in the first place . This type of thing leaves us feeling extremely frustrated , ineffective , and downright mad , but how do we get our point across without punishing in anger ? Turns out patience does not come naturally . It 's very much a learned skill , and we 're still learning . And speaking of learning , Brady may just have to learn the hard way that he is not , in fact , the king of all existence . It might be a little sweating in the principal 's office . Or paying for a broken window out of his own piggy bank . He 'll get it eventually , and meanwhile , his mom and I will continue to do what we have to in order to make sure he does . We 'll do our job and wait . How the Sam Hill did it come to this ? A little smile played across his face , remembering how his pa always used to tell him jokingly , " Ol ' Sam wouldn 't appreciate you using his name in vain , son . " His hand hovered inches above the worn grips of his six - shooter , steady as ever . All I wanted was some dinner . And something cool to wash the dust from my throat . But that could come later , if there was a later . The town had been terrorized long enough , and it was past time for that to end . " Whaddya smiling at , sheriff ? " , said The Kid . " Make your move . " He said it casually , as if they were playing a friendly game of chess , bringing the sheriff back from his thoughts of cold beer to the reality of hot lead . The leering grin was all the sheriff could see under the brim of the outlaw 's black hat , and it said what the Kid didn 't . You don 't have the guts , friend . You 're nothing but a hollow badge . Was he ? He hadn 't fired his gun at anything deadlier than a coyote since he had left the U . S . Marshall service five years ago , but he had the feeling that was about to change . The thought made him tired , and he was tired enough after such a long day . The sheriff stole a glance at the town hall clock tower . 5 : 23 . At least it 's not high noon . He had walked into the Dancing Dragon after a dry day spent rounding up Old Murphy 's cattle . Some troublemaker had flattened several sections of fence , letting the cows roam free over half the county . He had a hunch as to who that troublemaker might be . There had been no rain in almost a month , and his bandanna was caked with prairie dust . His thoughts were on that cold beer when he pushed through the the Dragon 's batwing doors , but the only sound he heard as he walked into the saloon was his own bootheels clocking on the pinewood floorboards , and he knew there would be trouble before he even removed his hat . The three outlaws had been sitting at the bar when he walked in , sipping sasparilla , having apparently just finished beating up Rex , the town drunk . The poor fellow was just now trying to pick himself up off the floor . The sheriff 's lovely wife , Blondie , tended bar at the Dragon , and she stood behind the bar absently polishing a beer mug , a harried look in her blue eyes , as silent as the rest of the saloon 's patrons . The Kid didn 't look up when the sheriff walked in , but continued to spin a gold coin back and forth across the tops of his fingers . He was the fastest gun in three counties , if one believed the rumors , and he and his gang had been making mischief in town for months . Curly Sue , the gang 's only gal , sat next to him , a sweet smile on her face . She was a beauty , all bouncy blond curls and big blue eyes , but the sheriff knew better than to trust that pretty face ; she was deadly with a knife . Shorty McGee was the youngest of the gang and a known card shark , but no one called him a cheat to his face . The bold few who had done so now spent their time in the cemetery behind the town 's little church , and Shorty had a hard time finding a poker game these days . He leaned lazily against the bartop , low - slung gunbelts crossed on his hips and an insolent look on his face . All three were no more than babyfaced kids , but coldblooded nonetheless . The sheriff sighed , and silently said goodbye to that cold beer . " Whatcha doing here , Kid ? I thought I told you to leave town . " The sheriff caught Blondie 's eye , and her glance told him all he needed to know . These three had been up to their old tricks . Rex , fearful and battered , gaped at him hopefully . The Kid didn 't turn , and never missed a beat with his spinning coin . " You did , sheriff , but me and the gang like it here . It 's such a fine little town , and the fine folk here love to have us besides . Isn 't that right , Blondie ? " " Bull . " someone mumbled , but it was very loud in the silence . The coin disappeared suddenly with a flash of gold as The Kid turned slowly , cool eyes surveying the room . " Who said that ? " There was no reply , of course . His regard finally fell on the sheriff , and they locked eyes . Weary as he was , he stared at the outlaw unblinking . I 've let this go on long enough . " Might be it was me , Kid . You and your gang have given us enough trouble , and I mean for it to stop . " The Kid smiled . " Well , that 's a fine bark for such an old and toothless dog as you , sheriff . Why , if I didn 't know you better , I 'd think that was a threat . " From the corner of his eye , the sheriff saw Shorty 's hand creeping slowly toward the shooter on his right hip . He couldn 't see Curly 's hands , but he knew they weren 't far from the razor - sharp throwing blade she kept tucked in her garter . The Kid eyed him for another moment , and the sheriff saw a flicker of doubt cross his smooth face . Good . The Kid was obviously not used to having his bluff called . The young gunslinger gave a silent signal to Shorty , who was visibly itching to draw , and the latter 's hand fell away from his gunbelt . Recovering his cool , the Kid said , " Sure , old man . I guess that 's as good a place as any . You 've had this coming since the day we rode in . " Then he strode from the saloon with a little smile on his face , spurs jingling , his mates close at his heels . Shorty spat on the sheriff 's boot on his way by . How the Sam Hill did it come to this ? It didn 't matter anymore , he knew . He hadn 't taken a strong enough stance with the outlaws when they sauntered into town for the first time , and now someone would pay . He thought of Blondie , and hoped for her sake that it wouldn 't be him . He caught sight of her standing silent and grim among the people that lined the street , said a little prayer , and focused again on the lean gunman who faced him . Then a child cried out somewhere in the crowd , and the thunder of guns filled the street . When he thought back on it later , everything seemed to happen at once . But in that moment , for the sheriff , time slowed to a crawl . He turned his head slightly at the child 's cry , and the Kid drew , lightning fast . Knowing his mistake , the sheriff fell to the side while drawing his own weapon , and as he fired , the Kid 's bullet grazed his shoulder . The Kid flinched , knowing he 'd missed and expecting to be shot , but the sheriff hadn 't been aiming at him , and even with the distraction , he was faster than the Kid . The sheriff 's bullet found its mark in the lock that held up the back gate of the huge wagon right behind Curly Sue just as she was about to throw her blade . The heavy gate crashed down , knocking her cold . The Kid had turned when he heard Shorty 's cry of pain , and that was his undoing . When he turned back , it was to the sight of the black tunnel of the sheriff 's gun barrel pointed at his head . Beaten , the Kid threw his weapon aside . " Mercy , sheriff , please ! Don 't shoot ! " His hat had fallen off , and stripped of his gun and his cocky grin , the Kid looked like . . . well , a kid . The sheriff felt pity for him . " We 'll leave town , we 'll never come back , you have my word , sheriff . " The Kid was pleading as the townspeople looked on darkly . The sheriff knew better , however . As much as he wanted to show mercy and just show the Kid the way out of town , he couldn 't let the gunslinger go with a warning this time . He had to make this count , to show this gang what happened to troublemakers who strolled into his town . If he didn 't , he knew he 'd be in this situation again , and the next time , he might not get the drop on them . The time for lenience was gone . He 'd have no rest if he didn 't deal with this now . " Sorry , Kid , but I can 't let you off that easy this time . " Then , to the onlookers , " Tie their hands and stand them up . Take those two to the jail . I 've got other plans for the Kid . " The town blacksmith dragged Curly Sue away as she screamed very un - ladylike curses , and Shorty had to be carried by two men ; Blondie had put everything she had into that frying pan . The sheriff smiled at her briefly , and then hoisted the Kid to his feet . " This way , fella . I 'm sorry to have to do this , but you 've left me no choice . " He marched the now weeping Kid in the opposite direction , and then down a dark alley near the edge of town . He holstered his gun , rolled up his sleeves . . . . . This was last week , and since then I 've had to dish it out a second time . Brady has been going through a period of defiance that has caused my wife and I wring our hands and wonder what we did wrong . We 've learned firsthand that the results of effective discipline , or a lack thereof , are self - perpetuating . I have at least thirty newly grayed hairs , thanks to this phase . What did we do wrong ? I think that for a long time we didn 't enforce boundaries well enough , what with two other little outlaws to worry about . It 's easier to just let kids push the limits than to enforce them when you 're tired and stressed , but they 'll take the ground you gave and push for more . Now we 're taking back that ground as gently and respectfully as possible , aside from a strategically placed spanking or two . Thankfully , it seems to be working , and although we need to continually reinforce the new rules , I think that once they see we can 't be moved , we 'll have some reformed and repentant gang members on our hands . I hope . I hope you enjoyed my little story , and that you 'll forgive me for getting long - winded . Parents , I wish you compliant kids , but if you find yourself in a situation in which a message needs to be sent , just draw a line in dust and tell ' em this : Kids , there 's a new sheriff in town . Ol ' Blue Eyes . The Chairman of the Board . The Voice . Frank Sinatra was known by all these names and more . He was arguably the greatest crooner ever , with a career that spanned parts of seven decades . He did it all : starred in movies , won awards , hung out with presidents and mobsters . Although he wasn 't loved by all , and his personal life and relationships were sometimes shady , Sinatra could sing those bobby soxers right out of their bobby sox . He was the embodiment of " cool " for generations . For me , Sinatra 's greatest contribution to the world was a single song that he didn 't even write . " The Way You Look Tonight " was originally performed by Fred Astaire as " Lucky " Garnett in the film Swing Time in 1936 , singing to Ginger Rogers ' character , Penny Carroll . At a moment in which she 's not feeling very beautiful , Lucky is telling Penny through the song that to him , she 's always beautiful , that he 'll always love her just the way she is . This poignant scene and song won the Academy Award for Best Original Song , but it 's Sinatra 's version that is the best known , his voice that made it a timeless love song . It 's also the song that played as I danced with my beautiful bride for the first time as husband and wife at our wedding reception , eight years ago today . For me , the song has meshed with the memory to create one of those rare moments of perfect harmony . You probably have a few memories like that . Priceless , aren 't they ? Earlier that day , we had the honor of having my father , a pastor and accomplished Used Diaper Salesman in his own right , marry us , and in his message , he made a critical distinction . He painted the picture of marriage as a covenant , not just a contract . Contracts can be broken or modified . Each party to a contract will agree to put on their half of a set of handcuffs but put a key in their back pockets just in case the arrangement ceases to suit them one day . A covenant , however , is unbreakable . When you make a covenant with someone , you 're agreeing to cuff yourself to that person and throw every copy of that key in the ocean . It can 't be taken lightly , because come what may , you 're stuck with that person . You may now insert your lewd handcuff joke here . My beautiful wife and I made a covenant that day . " For better or for worse " and the rest of the usual wedding day prose can become cliche , but there 's really no better way to put it because , frankly , it 's not always better . Sometimes , it 's worse . Sometimes , you just don 't like each other . Sometimes , you hurt each other on purpose . Sometimes , you screw up royally and have to beg for forgiveness on your knees . Sometimes , you 're gassy , and God help you then . Equally cliche is the ever - popular bible passage from 1 Corinthians 13 which is read at so many weddings , the one that goes " Love is patient , love is kind . . . " Ever tried to actually live that out ? It 's not for the faint of heart . Like raising kids or any other worthwhile endeavor , marriage takes a boatload of work , but consider this : once you 've weathered storms and gone through valleys with someone who didn 't leave when the reality didn 't meet the ideal , and then held hands and looked back at those times and at each other , you will inevitably say " Wow , it was worth it . " Because inevitably , it is . And now here we are , eight years , three kids , 7 , 403 gray hairs ( give or take ) and about as many used diapers later , still imperfect but still perfect for each other , and still no handcuff keys in sight . Right about now , you may be choking on all the cheese I 'm serving up , and that 's okay . The truth is that I 'm a pretty sub - par husband sometimes , so I have to make a conscious effort to keep up with all this stuff . And further , I don 't really care if you think I 'm weird for taking my marriage seriously . I actually do love my wife that much . Why should that be odd ? So when my wife asks me if a dress looks good on her ( one of the top five most loaded questions of all time ) , I answer , " It 's YOU that make the dress look good , babe . " For this response , I score between fifty and one hundred points . Yes ! But that 's not why I say it . I say it because it 's true . I still see the glowing girl in the flowing white dress , while Ol ' Blue Eyes sings . My only gripe : there 's always that kid on the other team whose parents have apparently lied about his age to get him on the team . He 's the one who 's a head taller than everyone else and may or may not have a little bit of peach fuzz already growing on his upper lip . More often than not , he 's the coach 's kid . He bowls everyone over on his way to scoring nine goals while his mom cheers smugly from the sidelines . If they can prove to me he 's only five or six , I 'll eat a soccer ball . At that age , these little athletes can be easily classified into two categories . I call them the players and the pickers . The pickers are the kids who are content to watch the action while picking grass or their noses , or sometimes both at once , and there are three of them for every one little player who 's right in there , focused on moving the ball down the field . Your team 's winning percentage is directly linked to its ratio of pickers to players ; it 's simple math . Brady is a little bit of both . He 'll run up and clear the ball out of his team 's end of the field and then go back to picking grass while the kid with the mustache gets the ball back and blows right by him . He 'll block a kick while playing goalie , cheer for himself , and then turn his interest to the big booger his teammate has just produced while fuzz - face blasts the rebound into the corner of the goal . Brady hasn 't shown a very wide competitive streak yet , but I don 't care . Sports at that age are more about teamwork and making sure everyone gets a turn than real competition , and I could take or leave soccer . He 's getting fresh air and exercise , and that 's all that really matters , right ? Right . But baseball . . . ah , the beautiful game of summer . Baseball is my first love when it comes to sports , and that 's where I get competitive . I played ball until I was a junior in high school , and in retrospect , I wish I 'd stuck with it . Ever since I was old enough to think about such things , I 've secretly hoped I would one day have a son who would be a major league baseball player , to hear the roar of the crowd when his name is announced , and I know I 'm not the only dad who has a secret wish like that . Brady is in his second year of tee ball , and my heart swells every time I see him smack a burner up the middle . He bats left - handed like his favorite player , Joe Mauer , and he has the size and good arm to play catcher like Joe . Kids aren 't very coordinated at that age , so his fielding needs work , but the kid can hit . All our backyard work has paid off . I 'm so proud . And here 's where I get into trouble . Part of me is itching to live vicariously through my son . I find myself wanting to teach this five - year - old boy how to set the correct stance in the batter 's box , to keep his weight on his back foot and shift it to his front foot when he swings while using his hips to generate power and his wrists for bat speed , when all he wants to do is crush the ball and run around the bases . I have to continually sit myself down and say , " Look , man , relax ; the kid 's only five . Take it easy and let him have fun . " To this I reply , " Yeah , I know , but I REALLY want him to be ready when it 's time to start baseball camps a couple of years from now . " At this point , Brady gives me a funny look and says , " Daddy , who are you talking to ? " , and we go back our game . The moral of the story is this : I 've really got to stop talking to myself . Exaggerations aside , like all parents , I have a deep desire to see my kids succeed , and a fear that they won 't . I don 't actually talk to myself ( usually ) or get that worked up about my son playing for the Minnesota Twins , but I do worry that I won 't do a good enough job of teaching my kids healthy habits , good values , and all the other stuff they need to know in order to make it in the world . It 's a matter of locating that fine line between being too lax with your kids and pushing them too hard , and I 'll probably spend my whole career as a parent trying to find that line because it doesn 't stay in one place ; it moves as your kids grow and change . I have to face the fact that I 'll almost certainly screw up a few things , and that my kids may sell insurance instead of selling the bunt . I 'm okay with that . Even so , we 'll keep working on ground balls and corner kicks while the grizzled behemoth on the opposing soccer team is spending that time learning to shave . When next we see him , we 'll be ready . Just wait ' til next year , big guy . Yeah , I know , it 's been a while . Please excuse my absence . I took some time recently to attend the International Conference of Used Diaper Salespeople ( very politically correct ; we 're not all salesMEN nowadays ) in Stockholm , Sweden , and it was an enlightening adventure . The used diaper business is becoming ever more " green " , more socially and environmentally conscious all the time , and I figured I needed to stay with the times , rub shoulders with the giants of the industry and get all the latest . And what kind of Used Diaper Salesman would I be if I didn 't share with you what I learned ? First , the basics . There was a set of flashcards for new parents that I found to be educational and endearing , some simple how - to 's that are a must for anyone who has brought home their first child from the hospital and proceeded to sit down on the floor and rock back and forth in panic while weeping and muttering . Still no word on that Child Maintenance Manual I was promised five years ago ( STILL on backorder ) , so these are a worthy substitute . There are quite a few , but they 're worth your time . What 's more environmentally responsible than edible diapers ? Very little goes to waste . And not just cheddar . . . TANGY cheddar , with new flavors on the way . I 'm told Huggies is trying to keep pace by coming out with a diaper that has a little indicator on it which shows when it 's full , kind of like the Coors Light bottle whose label turns blue when it 's cold , but there was no prototype available at the convention . A bummer . . . I was kind of hoping to see that one . But scratch - n - sniff ? Come on . The target market for that product might do better to simply buy some kleenex and blow their noses , make sure their sense of smell is in working order . Or , if you prefer not to sniff , a simple scratch will do the trick . Everyone knows that even the lightest pressure on a full diaper will cause it to ooze . How 's that for an indicator ? So after a very educational and restful business trip , I 'm back in the saddle and ready to rock . In light of what we 've learned here , I 'd love to hear from you . Have you ever mishandled any of the " dos and " don ' ts " in those flash cards with your own kids ? Have you ever used produce as a diaper substitute ? How messy did that get ? Would YOU buy edible diapers ? If so , what flavor would you like to see ? Your feedback is invaluable . Thanks ! I didn 't think I would have the opportunity to interview Riley for a few years , given that we thought he only knew four words and that it would be rather dull for you , but he had an opening in his schedule due to a cancelled engagement and was gracious enough to sit down with me for a surprisingly candid and hard - hitting exclusive interview that you 'll only find here at The Used Diaper Salesman . As it turns out , not only does he have a very extensive vocabulary we knew nothing about , he has very well - formed opinions on a wide range of topics and really ups the ante on his brother and sister . He also has an IQ just north of 200 . I was fascinated , and I think you will be , too . R : Mensa . They 're a little stodgy and tiresome anyway , so I wasn 't terribly disappointed . I was to be the keynote speaker at their yearly conference , but I ran out of diapers and didn 't have the means to get to the store for more , so I had to cancel . You may want to take care of that little oversight so that you don 't end up with a mess on your hands , by the way . Me : I 'll take your word for it . So clear something up for me , if you would . I was under the mistaken impression that the most complex word you knew was " Dada " . Why the charade and intrigue ? Why not just come out with it and communicate ? I have to tell you , it would have made everything easier for all of us around here . R : ( sighs ) Well , truthfully , I didn 't feel I needed the attention . I learned from our friend Kim Ung - Yong that a child prodigy is scrutinized , paraded for the world to see , showcased on Oprah ( laughs ) . I felt that I would have more time to devote to my studies if I could maintain an image of normalcy . Sorry to have put you out . R : ( smiles ) Oh , I did . I thought it played very well . I 've always enjoyed classic theater , and I confess I enjoyed acting the part . I guess it was a little over the top , huh ? Me : I 'm so glad you were entertained . So , back on task . You mentioned your studies . What is it you 've been studying ? R : Well , I 've been doing some side work for NASA , helping improve their propulsion systems , but my passion is linguistics . Aside from the obvious English , I 'm fluent in Spanish , French , German , Mandarin Chinese , and Cantonese . I 'm currently working on Ancient Greek with an emphasis on the Mycenean dialect . It 's fascinating , and a lot of fun . R : I can tell you , it hasn 't been easy . You may have noticed that I 'm only two feel tall and can only walk about three steps in a row , so getting up into your computer chair to work has been my biggest challenge . I had to bribe Brady with two bags of M & Ms per week to get him to lift me up into the chair . And I have to confess , dad . . . I wasn 't really sleeping during all those naptimes . I have a laptop hidden under my crib mattress . Those child - protecting outlet covers really are a joke . Me : Wow . Um , well , far be it from me to keep you from your work . Hey , tell me something . Has anyone ever told you that you remind them of Baby Stewie Griffin from the show " Family Guy " ? Me : Never mind . So , since you seem to have a good grasp on astrophysics and linguistics , I 'm sure you can handle politics . What are your thoughts on the way the 2012 elections are shaping up ? R : Well , President Obama has done some interesting things , but I 'm not all that impressed . He hasn 't lived up to so many of his campaign promises and his handling of those issues he has addressed has been questionable . I just don 't know if the GOP has anyone who can do a better job or is polished enough to be electable . I was sad to see Mike Huckabee drop out of the race , but hardly sorry to see Donald Trump go . He 's a joker . Me : A good take . I think I 've taken up just about enough of your time , but let me ask you one more question . With all the work you 've done incognito in the last fifteen months , I can 't imagine simple baby toys hold your interest much . You build with blocks but hardly touch most of the other toys . What do you do for fun ? R : I love the blocks because they help me with my spelling skills . You may not have noticed , but I build towers that spell words when read from bottom to top . Do you suppose you could get some of those with Cantonese characters for me ? R : Chess . It exercises the mind , keeps me sharp . I 've been invited to play in the Junior World Championship in Chennai , India , but I 'm not old enough to buy a plane ticket . Who knew ? Fifteen months old and a certified genius . It 's pretty cool to have a potential future Nobel prize winner in the house , but I don 't care . I 'd be proud of him if he decided to be a garbage truck driver . He 's my son , and that 's all that needs to be said about that . A good friend of mine suggested to me that if I ever have a gripe about something and choose to share it here , I should call it " Diaper Rash " . I thought this was a brilliant idea , so I 'm gonna go with it . Thanks , Guy ! Before I rant , please know that I fully understand how difficult young kids can be . I have three , and the slowly graying temples to prove it . As entertaining and endearing as my kids are , they can be exasperating in the extreme . Kids scream and yell when they don 't get what they want . They often have very selective hearing , forcing us into broken record mode . They don 't understand many of the verbal and body language cues intended to tell them that a conversation is over , that the answer is " no " , no matter how many times we tell them so . They throw tantrums , and they often choose extremely inopportune moments to do so . There is a huge difference , however , between willful belligerence and simple childishness , and that 's what many parents , myself included , have trouble with . We just want to change the behavior , not the attitude behind it , because it involves a heck of a lot less work . This is not a criticism , just a simple statement of fact . We 're all guilty of it at one time or another . My mom has told me about a particularly memorable nightmare trip to the grocery store she took with us kids when we were all pretty small . I don 't recall all the details , but I do remember that we were the culprits in several " Clean - up in aisle nine ! " incidents , and that was just the beginning . It sounds like it was Murphy 's Law and The Twilight Zone all rolled into one , and I 'm just grateful she allowed us to live . As I walked by , looking for the pretzel stix my kids love , I overheard her laying into her son , who was maybe three or four and wearing an Elmo shirt . " You are SUCH a brat , " she spat , " I don 't know why I even take you anywhere . " The little guy , who had obviously been crying , looked pretty well cowed , but not shocked , which led me to believe this wasn 't an unusual occurrence . " If you 're going to be such a brat , I 'm just going to leave you at home . " she said , shaming him in front of anyone who happend to walk by . The more she said , the more his face and body drooped . I couldn 't watch , and practically ran out the aisle while I threw the pretzel stix in my cart and ground my teeth . I would 've been okay with something as borderline as " You are acting like such a brat . " ; still not great , but there 's an enormous difference there . This mom was telling her child she didn 't approve of who he was , not how he was behaving , and this was what really steamed me , even though it was none of my business . As horrible as it sounds , I would have almost preferred that she spank him right there in aisle nine ; a bruised spirit takes far longer to heal than a bruised bottom . If you tell someone what a horrible person they are enough times , they will eventually start to believe it , without fail . The boy in the Elmo shirt believed every word . The opposite is also true . If you tell your kids how precious they are to you on a regular basis , then your occasional outbursts and lapses are the exception , not the rule , and as they grow up to learn that you 're not the infallible superhuman they saw in you when they were small , this distinction makes all the difference , both for their confidence and their relationship with you . As I said in my earlier post about yelling at Brady , we are the architects of our kids ' self - image , and the care and quality with which we build it when they 're young is the basis for their identity for the rest of their lives . Building well is not optional , it 's our duty . As the source of my Diaper Rash , I had the irrational urge to smear Butt Paste on this woman 's face and see how she liked being publicly humiliated , if only to give her son something to laugh about , but I didn 't have any in my back pocket and thought I would get in slightly less trouble if I used her behavior as a cautionary tale instead of an actual object lesson . Please , I wanted to say . Don 't you see what you 're doing to your son ? Do you even CARE ? I wanted to educate her harshly on the difference between belligerence and childishness , between scolding him for who she says he is and for how he acts , but sermons and supermarkets don 't mix well , and who am I , an awfully imperfect parent myself , to preach to anyone ? And yet here I am . Here endeth the lesson . So , parents , know the difference . Someday , your kids won 't care a bit what you think . For now , you are their whole world . We spend a lot of time explaining to our kids that just because we have a word or action in our repertoire , it 's not always appropriate to use outside of our house . That 's our rule . Potty words and certain anatomical terms are A - ok to use in our house around our family , but not around other people . Some examples : - Ellie is currently obsessed with breasts . She frequently says , " I like your boobs , mommy . " I 'm not really sure where she learned the term , but there it is . She 'll sometimes follow that up with , " They 're not funbags ! " , which might be appalling if it weren 't so dang funny coming from the mouth of a dainty little blonde cutie . She 'll also sometimes tell us , " I like to say ' boobs ' . " Thanks , honey , I gathered that . - Bodily functions . You have to admit , they 're highly intriguing , and incredibly fun to talk about . Let 's be honest - everyone secretly enjoys a good fart joke , but no one more so than kids . They are the highest form of humor at our house . When baby Riley is sitting on the floor and rips a good toot that reverberates on the hardwood , this is usually good for a solid five minutes of laughter from the older two . Riley isn 't sure what he 's laughing at , but he joins right in . The contents of the toilet after a successful potty trip are scrutinized and discussed in great detail . " Poopy " has become both the prefix and suffix of choice , as in " I have to go poopy - potty . " or " I love my Poohie - poopy . " These statements don 't always exactly make any sense , but when you know a word you really love , I guess that doesn 't really matter . You just throw it in . - Anatomy is a constant topic of conversation around here , as I 've told you before . Ellie is particularly intrigued right now , because she has not only discovered the terms ( slang and otherwise ) for male and female anatomy , she 's discovered that mommies and daddies are girls and boys , too . It 's a little weird when your daughter asks you if you have a penis , but I get it . She 's curious . I 'd rather she learn these things from my wife and I than anyone else . The trick is to normalize all of this before she decides to go ask random people about their equipment . - Modesty is not innate . It 's kind of cute when a little girl lifts her dress to check out her belly button , showing off her Disney princesses in the process , but it 's another matter when your son sees no problem dropping the whole works to his ankles in the back yard in full view of four houses because he doesn 't feel like going all the way inside to pee . We 're working on this one . Whatever . Kids will be kids , and in retrospect , it 'll always be funny to think back to the time Ellie grabbed grandma 's chest because she was curious about boobs . My job is to make sure she doesn 't give someone else 's grandma the same treatment . That could be awkward . And yet there is more . Moms give more , always , whatever it takes . I 'm pretty good at at seeing the big picture but usually not very good at managing little details ; it 's just how I 'm wired , and I know a lot of guys are like me . We do our best to keep the family train on the tracks and moving in the right direction , but the little details of the day to day can sometimes baffle us , and that 's where mom comes in . She can simultaneously curl her hair , put on makeup , set up two doctor appointments and feed the kids lunch while baking those chocolate chip cookies and planning what to wear on her night out with her girlfriends . I am awestruck . So thank you , Super Moms of the world , for all you do and for all you sacrifice . Thank you for giving so much of yourselves to your families . Thank you for caring about your kids ' lives , no matter how old we are . And thank you , thank you , thank you for those comforting cookies . Without you , we 'd be stuck with Chips Ahoy . Ever notice how hard it is to get your kids to stay in one place for any period of time ? It 's like trying to get a squirrel with ADD to sit still . It 's not their fault . They 're simply trying to process massive amounts of information while learning how to interact with the world , and the world is a distracting place . Here 's a rare photo of Ellie doing one of the few things that keep her occupied long enough to sit still : Me : All right , guys , we 're almost done . We can talk about tooty - clouds later . ( more giggles ) So , Ellie , when we move into a new house , how much do you think it will cost ? Me : Wouldn 't that be nice ? Ok , sweets , last question . Which would you like better : an ice cream cone or a Coach purse ? Whew . What you don 't see here are the 16 or so breaks in the conversation which were spent trying to wrangle my little squirrels back onto the couch so we could finish this thing , and when we were done , they weren 't the only ones who were ready for bed . Oh , and the dating thing . I would never really make Ellie wait until she 's thirty to start dating . Even though I only have one precious daughter and she 's one in a gazillion , I 'm not that kind of dad . |
To celebrate Mother 's Day , you 've invited the entire family over to celebrate . But instead of bringing your mom to the celebration , your father brings someone else - and tells you that this woman is actually your mother . How do you react ? Is it someone you know ? Write this scene . My dad smiles nervously . " Sweetie , this is your mom . " I look at the women standing next to him . She fidgets and gives me a shy smile . I don 't know who she is , but that ain 't my mom . " Dad I think we need to get you to a hospital . Ma ' am I 'm apologize for the awkward situation . " " No , honey . I 'm telling the truth . This is your mom . " He run his fingers through his hair and starts sweating . " Jolene isn 't your real mom . " Again , I just blink . I looked over to the women again and I start realizing the similarities . We 're both short . We both have blue eyes . We both have freckles . But like … . no . " Yeah , no . " I decide . " No . " I tell my dad . " Just no . " " uh , " my dad is lost for words . " Sweetie - " " No , If this is an affair . Then Hell no . I respect you dad and I 'll deal with you later , but I don 't know her , I don 't respect her . So if this is an affair , I 'm kicking her ass - " He holds me back right as take a step forward . " It was years go . " Dad kept explaining . " I married Jolene but Hanna , " he gestured to the woman , " gave birth to you . " Hanna gave me a sad smile . " I freaked out . I wasn 't ready to be a mom . I didn 't … . I didn 't love your father . " " Oh I 'm a mistake . Thanks . " I was half - expecting the cameras to come out . But no such luck . I had to accept the fact that my parents had teenage lives before I was born . Ew . Dad used to be a play - ew . I can 't even . " Let 's start over ok ? " Hanna took a step forward and extend her hand at me with a warm smile . " Hi . I 'm Hanna . I 'm your mom . " I looked at the hand . And then back at her face . I smiled , " I 'm Hailey . And I 'm not interested . " " Hailey . " Dad sighed . " No , don 't ' hailey ' me . Just because this lady popped me out doesn 't mean she 's automatically my mommy . Ok ? My mom stepped , raised me and loved me . This lady ditched me the second her life got hard . So no . " Log in to Reply ↓ RafTriesToWrite May 15 , 2017 at 5 : 27 am What are Furbabies ? All I 'm getting from google is just pictures of dogs , am I missing something ? Also Happy mother 's day to everyone as well ! And I 'd like to give shout out to Kaboosh for reading my first story in the prompt " At The End of The Rainbow " Just saw it today . Thanks for reading it ! Really appreciate it . Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 16 , 2017 at 7 : 44 am Hey , I fit into none of those categories . However , I have a number of imaginary " daughters " who help me with my writing and perspective , and several whole universes that I 've given birth to . I 'll take the wish in its spirit ; Happy Mothers ' day to you as well . Mother 's Day 'd been really nice . At church I got a red carnation , my mama being alive and all . Mama 's was white . I think she got a little sad , but she was really smiling when Daddy took us to Marty 's for dinner . We all got shrimp , but Brother , like always , got a tuna fish sandwich . Then , when we got home , Mama and me walked to Aunt Violet 's to see Vonnie . " Well , Annie , no reason you can 't have a room like that . Won 't be long you 'll be a teenager , in high school . " Three years seemed like a long time to me . " You see , Annie , Vonnie 's gonna have a baby . She was wearing what ladies wear when they 're expecting , they 're called maternity clothes . " Maternity , hmm , I couldn 't figure out why she was laughing at that word . Once , before we had a television set , we went over to Aunt Helen 's house to watch Red Skeleton . I liked his program , but always had a headache next day . I was glad when we got ours , Daddy said we could watch with all the lights on , not just a leopard lamp like Aunt Helen had on top of the set . Anyway , on the show , these people were dancing and singing like they were in a hospital , but , all at once , the grownups started talking and laughing and saying things like , I never , and , I can 't believe that sign says Maternity . Now I had more thinking to do , about Vonnie being married , and maternity meaning clothes and hospitals , and it all about having a baby . So much thinking to do while I was remembering not to scuff my shoes . Log in to Reply ↓ nchorsemama May 14 , 2017 at 8 : 04 pm That 's exactly how a child would think . What a cute story ! ! Well done ! ! Log in to Reply ↓ RafTriesToWrite May 14 , 2017 at 9 : 48 pm Intriguing Reatha ! It was like a blast from the past , taking us back to when we were kids and how we ( for some or maybe all ) think about the things around us . Lovely story . Log in to Reply ↓ Beebles May 15 , 2017 at 4 : 19 am Beautiful Reatha . Again your work hinges on those little details , the flowers , the photos : you are the mistress of the unspoken word . And all tied in at the end . Log in to Reply ↓ Pete May 15 , 2017 at 11 : 16 am Reatha , I meant to write my congratulations with this series in the last post . Well deserved ! You have such a great voice here , with Annie and her mother and the spot on details sprinkled in that place me in the scene . Enjoyable read , again . Log in to Reply ↓ Kerry Charlton May 15 , 2017 at 11 : 29 am Charning is the word Reatha . In our house we had a black panther TV light . In theb 50 's we watched Jackie Gleason , Sid Caesar , Jack Benny and Ozzie and Harriot . Log in to Reply ↓ ReathaThomasOakley May 15 , 2017 at 11 : 00 pm Pete , I so appreciate your words . I was a bit embarrassed about what I wrote . I 'm sure lots of folks here are published , but I just had to brag . Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 16 , 2017 at 1 : 28 pm Reatha , are you sure you didn 't find my time machine and travel back to your childhood ? You totally nailed the little girl mindset ( at least from observation of the kids at / around my church ) . I love the dividing line between before / after we had a television ( went through that myself , too ) and how she 's working to figure out what 's going on with Vonnie . This story could not be told today ; there 's too much internet poisoning . Log in to Reply ↓ ReathaThomasOakley May 16 , 2017 at 2 : 00 pm Thanks , Tim . I 'm fortunate to be in contact with several elementary school classmates , who I fear I 've neglected recently . When I think about that time in our lives it 's easy to try to recreate and / or embellish episodes from the past . Or , I 've been using your wayback machine ! We were so innocent that I suspect younger people might not understand . Thanks again . Dad stared at me for a second , the let out a thundering laugh . " That 's a good one , son . " He thrust the vase of flowers towards me . " Now be a good boy , and give your mother a hug . " " Happy Mother 's Day , Mom , " I said , with all the forced enthusiasm I could muster . " Why … why don 't you and dad take a seat ; I 'll just get the coffee . " I handed the vase back to dad , gave my sister a look that demanded she assist me , and then hurried from the room . " Okay , " I said , once safely out of earshot of Dad . " Why is Mom a vase of carnations ? And how is Dad okay with it ? I thought you were cutting back on … all that . " " Please don 't jump on me , " Sis replied , running a hand through her hair . " The flowers aren 't really Mom ; Dad just thinks they are . Or , well , he thinks she 's the flowers … it 's complicated . " She sighed . " Mom booked a Mother 's Day tour of Washington Wine Country for her and dad , but he backed out . You know how he can be . " I do indeed . My dad is one of the most hidebound homebodies in existence today ; his picture appears in the dictionary next to the word " sessile " . " Go on . " " She wasn 't about to miss it , but she didn 't want leave Dad alone . " Sis shrugged . I shook my head . " Well then , let 's make the best we can of it . " Taking up a tray of coffee , I returned to the living room with the air of a soldier heading back to the front lines . Dad glanced at her , turned back to the flowers . " I know what 's really wrong : you haven 't had a ciggy today . I know you 're trying to quit , but it 's Mother 's Day . " Sis came up and put an arm around me . " Don 't worry . He 'll be fine tomorrow . The glamour will wear off , and he won 't remember anything . " Log in to Reply ↓ RafTriesToWrite May 14 , 2017 at 9 : 44 pm Oh , my goodness indeed ! I loved the ride igonzales , and that last line ? Superb ! Made me cackling at work . What a great story to start my day ! Thank you ! Log in to Reply ↓ Kerry Charlton May 15 , 2017 at 11 : 35 am Reminds me of the Munsters . What a zany group to have as a family . I think I would have needed more than bourbon to get through the day , In one word ……… . . Pricelessj Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 16 , 2017 at 1 : 22 pm OMG , can I transfer in to this family ? This is hilarious , IGonzales ! Hopefully Mom doesn 't let the lizard drive . Thank for a mid - day smile . " Do you believe him ? " She asked without flinching . " I mean , it 's hard to believe the miraculous birth of Jesus Christ even for me as a devout Christian but yours ? Yours is - " " Why is it so hard for you to believe him while you find it easy to believe in some script you don 't even know the author ? " " Tell me what you believe in your gut for Christ 's sake ! " She shouted as I stormed out of her room and ran towards our house . I had no clue she harbored these doubts all these years but she was determined to put them to rest today . It was on mother 's day and my 6th birthday when I let Sally in on my little secret . She was easily convinced then . I was easily convinced . God I miss those days ! Now another 4 years have passed and today , Sally 's inquisition awoke my own doubts that I shelved in an unreachable compartment in my brain . My father was still at work . He worked twice as hard to fill in the financial void my mother left when she took off with all the credit cards and drained the bank accounts . I restlessly waited pacing in my cramped 6ft 6in x 6ft 6in room for hours on end debating whether I should continue to trust him . How could I have doubted him when I enjoyed being brought up by just him ? I would receive everything in double . He always gave me an extra goodnight kiss , would tell me " I love you " twice , in male and female voice . " I met your mother when I was eighteen , in a queue at Wholefoods . She couldn 't take her eyes off of me " He said one night as he tucked me in bed . " She was from another planet visiting earth for just a few hours " he continued . " The hours turned to years and nothing else mattered to her more than having me in her arms . After three exhilarating months , she found out she was pregnant with you . I guess the pregnancy took a toll on her " . He took what seemed like an eternal pause and said " Then one day after you were brought from the hospital , she said to me " I overstayed my welcome on this planet . It is time for me to leave . " " I was glued to the window when I saw father get out of his car with Darius , his workmate . I rushed down the stairs and burst the door open " Who is my mother ? Where is she ? " I yelled . " Hi gorgeous ! " Log in to Reply ↓ kuljay May 15 , 2017 at 1 : 51 pm This is my first post . Btw , " Hi gorgeous " is said by Darius . I was trying to get everything in 500 words Darius was a woman before and took off when the narrator was born and came back to her life as Dad 's workmate but she did not know all this time . I have only written business blogs before . This is my first time outside my comfort zone . Any advice / criticism is much appreciated . Please give me more details where the story was unclear . Also , is it possible to write longer 500 words or will the system not allow it ? Log in to Reply ↓ ReathaThomasOakley May 16 , 2017 at 8 : 31 am I 've just reread your story several times , but first about the 500 words . You won 't be cut off , and , personally I 've found trying to stay close to that forces me to consider the importance of every word . I think my writing has gotten tighter . I did understand who Darius was , that was a clever element , and that your MC had told Sally the explanation Louis had given about the visitor from another planet , but how did MC know the true story . And , the MC seems much older than ten , as does Sally , plus , 6 . 5 × 6 . 5 is a very small room . Those just caused me to stop as I read . This site is a wonderful place to try new things and get feedback , plus , it 's fun to see my stories here . Log in to Reply ↓ kuljay May 16 , 2017 at 9 : 11 am Thanks Reatha for the feedback . I thought about the MC 's age much later after I had posted . I will think through my characters better next time . MC gets to know the real story when her Dad points a finger at Darius … What I wanted to bring out is a dad in denial , a gullible kid and a mom who is selfish enough to take off days after her kid was born to because she thought she is trapped in a world that isnt hers ( her female body ) but she comes back and she cares more about the small house they live in rather than getting to know her daughter … the 6 . 5 × 6 . 5 was just to say they were close to being homeless given the mother drained the accounts … . How do I bring all these things in this story ? Still learning . Happy to be here . It brought me out of my comfort zone . Beebles May 16 , 2017 at 8 : 27 am Hi Kuljay , Always a scary moment , opening up , but the folks here will love you for it . I did wonder where this was heading with the religious references at the start , the secret and then the alien suggestion toward the end - false trails ? - and then i thought the only explanation had to be Darius used to be a woman , which sort of popped out of the blue . But i am king of ambiguity in my writing , I think I 've left a clear trail without giving too much away and then people go ' Uh ? ' Don 't worry too much about 500 words , not a rule as such , more sort of guidelines . Just be careful of the language because the spam filter is pretty strict . Look down the thread and you 'll see some good advice re forbidden words . Look forward to more . Log in to Reply ↓ kuljay May 16 , 2017 at 9 : 19 am Thanks Beebles . It was very scary but reading amazing pieces written by the likes of you encouraged me to come out . I am here for the learning and so far so good 🙂 Observer Tim May 16 , 2017 at 10 : 57 am I love this take ; flawed people living an imperfect life in circumstances a little beyond odd … It could be an SF take on love between worlds , or a social take on the stories we tell our children when society fails us . Very well - realized , and a great first post . Log in to Reply ↓ Beebles May 14 , 2017 at 2 : 10 pm Sorry , late and a bit rushed . thought I 'd give some characters from my other stuff a bit of a walk about . Hope it makes sense . Whoever was to come through that door , she knew she had to control herself . Whoever it was that her father was calling their mother , she must give them a chance though every atom in her body fought against it . She paced the Persian rug to the clicking of the mantle clock and Nathan 's tiny automaton scurrying across the boards , while the sound of creaking carriages in the cobbled street below crept in through the open sash . ' Why has Father been so secretive about it , Maysie ? ' Maysie pulled the black hair from her carob skin and glanced down at her younger brother . ' He 's not being secretive , Nathan , he 's just being Father . You 're only ten . I 've known him eight years longer than you . I know how insensitive and selfish he can be . ' When her father had told them , she had screamed , unable to control the tears of anger and frustration . She had fled next door to the arms of the only person who had given her any solace since they had arrived from India five years before . She unleashed a tide of troubles onto her friend . ' My mother 's ashes hadn 't reached the ocean before he had us packing our bags and taking ship . He never even asked if I minded going . Let alone if I wanted to go . ' She looked up into Sophia 's brown eyes , crowned by laughter lines under her grey hair . The woman 's expression was compassionate , understanding . It always was . ' He thought he was doing what was best for you , ' Sophia tried to reason with her , their hands clasped . ' Times had changed . Marriages like your father 's were frowned upon . Governor Wellesley was putting a rocket up the Company 's behind , trying to stop such fraternisation . Your mother was Indian , a bibi to the Company , and your father knew they would block any advancement of children from such a marriage . He saw the best chance for you was to come to London . Besides , Lord Liverpool 's offer to head up the Academy of Science was a huge advancement for Joseph … sorry , for your father . He could offer you more than you had in Calcutta . ' ' But I didn 't want to leave . ' Maysie cried , ' to leave my mother , my people . And now he 's trying to replace her memory with some woman he won 't even tell us who she is ! ' ' Try to understand , Maysie . Your father is lonely . It 's hard for him , for anyone , to go through so much of their life with no one at their side , no - one to confide in , to share the burdens . ' ' But it still hurts , my child . I miss Marc so much . I think of him every day , as your father thinks of your mother . But we must move on , do what we think is best for those we love . ' The older woman brought Maysie 's face level with her own , cupping it in her slender hands . ' Promise me Maysie , that you will try . That you will extend a little generosity to your father and to the woman he wants to marry . ' Log in to Reply ↓ Kerry Charlton May 14 , 2017 at 3 : 43 pm Very intriguing Beebles . A perfect ending to leave the reader finish it for himself . The background as usual is complete , adds mystery to the story and prepares the reader to carry on for himself . I am left with a mountain . of questions myself . Log in to Reply ↓ ReathaThomasOakley May 14 , 2017 at 7 : 03 pm Maysie is a compelling character you 've made very real . The setting and time are very interesting , with details that made me want more . Great job . Log in to Reply ↓ Beebles May 15 , 2017 at 4 : 33 am Thanks Reatha , Yeah I enjoy Maysie , never afraid to step on toes , whether she means to or not . Sophia gets painfully little airtime in the book but she is a fascinating historical figure . She was an English spy who rescued Marc Brunel from the Terror in France , whisked him to the US then they met up and married again later , leading to Isambard … . She deserves more . Log in to Reply ↓ nchorsemama May 14 , 2017 at 8 : 10 pm Oh ! I had a feeling and hoped as I continued to read and you came through ! ! Yay ! ! ! Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 16 , 2017 at 10 : 49 am I had to double - check that I 'd read this right ; once I knew I had I couldn 't stop smiling . This is a lovely period piece - you did a great job tying your story to the " real " world . And thank you especially for using 19 - th century mores rather than 21st . Big smiles all around . This woman had my nose , my black hair , my pointed chin . She looked as much like me as my clone - daughter did , just older . Dad ah - hemmed . " When you were made , cloning was still in its infancy , ha . But now that you have your own daughter … " Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 16 , 2017 at 7 : 42 am Ah , Mother 's Day in the age of cloning . I absolutely love this . It 's short and to the point , as it has to be , and it opens the door on many questions . A beautiful little story , AlderSprig . The host gathered three menus and calmly led us past tables laden with waffles , scrambled eggs , and bacon . We wove between the lines at the omelette bar and roast beef station to emerge onto a small veranda with a single table . Sitting at the table was a woman who looked up from beneath a big floppy hat and fierce red wig and said : " Frances , " Dad beamed as he stood up and hugged us . " The hail it is . Why the hail did you decide to dress like a woman today , of all days ? " " FOX ! " Mom screamed . " This is Mother 's Day , Frank ! " She literally spat Dad 's old name . " Muh . Ther 's . Day ! I shouldn 't be competing with your gundam cry for attention ! " I think that moment was the first time I ever saw real - live bravery . I mean , Dad 's been great ever since he told Mom how he felt five years ago , although he wouldn 't call it being brave , just being true to himself . But my sister chose that moment to take a stand . And against Mom , of all people . " Yes . We 're studying this in school . You 're calling Dad hurtful names , trying to isolate him , exclude him from the family . All because of how he looks . It 's not right . " Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 16 , 2017 at 7 : 40 am Wow , lots of twists and turns , Pven , and a great way to skirt around the censorsoft . I 'm sure this is an issue that many families have to go through regardless of the direction . It manages to be emotional , tragic , eye - opening , and borderline hilarious all at once . And the last sentence is absolutely priceless . Great job ! Log in to Reply ↓ Mainiac May 12 , 2017 at 6 : 03 pm Jamie waited all day as each family member came over they would sit around and all tell tales of what they use to do growing up as fun when they were just kids … It was wonderful to hear all the loving Tale 's told One by one . . Her Mother was a loving Mom and had never spoke much of her Family for Jamie was all she had and she loved her so much she always seemed to know when Jamie needed her most . As Carl was getting off of work that evening he was met by a older woman . . She was so Happy to speak with him it was very important to her . He obliged and offered to listen to what the woman had to say he went down and sat at a coffee shop and listened with love and tears in his eye 's At what he was being told . ' That evening Carl came home and when Jamie rushed to see her dad she asked were is My Surprise daddy . " He said . . I have something to tell you . . For Your Mother is Behind me . . Jamie looked Puzzled ? ? ' No Dad Mom is Here ! ! ! ! From behind she could see the woman before her it was a woman that looked at her with love . . Jamie 's Dad said ' I can explain everything Go Sit By your Mother now … ' Jamie was confused she turned around and saw her Mom had tear 's in her eye 's for she had waited a long time for this day to finally Come … . With Excitement Jamie 's Mom pulled out a stethoscope and asked the Woman to come over to were her and Jamie sat . ' Her father explained ' When you were Born Your Heart was no Good and we were told you would die with in a few Hours . And in the next room a Woman had lost her baby in a car accident . You needed a Heart to live This woman here before you ' Gave you life ' she gave you her only child 's heart that is why you have that scare on your chest We always told you a Angel had Kissed you from above on Your Birthday . For it was This Woman whom Gave you life there fore she is also Your Mother we wanted her here on this special day So she could hear her Child 's Heart beat within you On Mothers Day as a Gift to her for Giving you life . Or we would have lost you at Birth . We waited till you were old enough so you would understand . Everyone in the Room had tear 's in there eye 's For now Jamie realized she had not one Mother But Two . . whom surly loved her . . ' One that Gave her Life in Birth and one that gave her back life in Death . Only a True Mother Could be so loving and Brave … The woman listened To Her Only Child 's heart for the first time Log in to Reply ↓ Mainiac May 12 , 2017 at 6 : 51 pm Sorry it did not come the way I thought it would , The spacing and capital letters are all a mess I am still getting use to my program and this is My first attempt at this . Try to look past the mistakes and focus on the story if you can first attempt . Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 16 , 2017 at 7 : 35 am This is an absolutely touching story , Mainiac ( boy , is that a strange juxtaposition ) . It 's a heartbreaking scenario that ends with people being drawn together ; the girl 's reaction is beautiful . This one goes straight for the emotional jugular . Very nice . One suggestion about story structure : I would recast the narrative about the coffee shop into something closer to chronological order , thus allowing the impact of it to slowly grow . the " love and tears " should definitely come at the end of the sentence , since it 's a reaction . But that 's me , I 'm no expert . Log in to Reply ↓ Jennifer Park May 12 , 2017 at 5 : 14 pm At first I thought my vision was distorted by the respirator mask . Then I remembered that the mask does not go over my eyes . Still , the mask is a part of my face now , like with that kid on Dr . Who who had a gas mask merged onto his face . He had a mother he didn 't know he had . " She wanted to see you before … " My father cannot finish his sentence . I know what he cannot say . Before I die . " This is your mother , " he repeats . " Really . " The woman that cannot be my mother begins to sob . She tries to reach for me , but does not know how to get around all the tubings and wires . What would Dear Abby say about a biological mother who knocked off her long - lost daughter 's life support while trying to hug her ? Why is this woman sorry ? She isn 't the semi - truck who drove over the median and struck my mother 's red Miata head - on . She isn 't the firefighter who was late for his daughter 's bat mitzvah , and hurriedly pulled me out of my seat , tweaking my spine . She isn 't the surgeon who infected me with antibiotic - resistant bacteria , now eating their way up my body . Yum . Yum . What did you do , woman ? If only you hadn 't cheated on my father ? If only you hadn 't gotten hooked on heroine ? If only you hadn 't been too poor to fight my deep - pocketed father and his trophy wife for custody over me ? What was it ? And why did you all lie to me about … There is the tingle . Another drip of the morphine . They are giving me way too much , and I 'm going to drift off to sleep now . Maybe for the last time . Log in to Reply ↓ nchorsemama May 12 , 2017 at 5 : 38 pm Oh my ! How tragic ! For those who no longer have their Momma with them , this is a sad tale indeed . Good job Jennifer . Log in to Reply ↓ Mainiac May 12 , 2017 at 5 : 43 pm Jamie waited all day as each family member came over they would sit around and all tell tales of what they use to do growing up as fun when they were just kids … It was wonderful to hear all the loving Tale 's told One by one . . Her Mother was a loving Mom and had never spoke much of her Family for Jamie was all she had and she loved her so much she always seemed to know when Jamie needed her most . As Carl was getting off of work that evening he was met by a older woman . . She was so Happy to speak with him it was very important to her . He obliged and offered to listen to what the woman had to say he went down and sat at a coffee shop and listened with love and tears in his eye 's At what he was being told . ' That evening Carl came home and when Jamie rushed to see her dad she asked were is My Surprise daddy . " He said . . I have something to tell you . . For Your Mother is Behind me . . Jamie looked Puzzled ? ? ' No Dad Mom is Here ! ! ! ! From behind she could see the woman before her it was a woman that looked at her with love . . Jamie 's Dad said ' I can explain everything Go Sit By your Mother now … ' Jamie was confused she turned around and saw her Mom had tear 's in her eye 's for she had waited a long time for this day to finally Come … . With Excitement Jamie 's Mom pulled out a stethoscope and asked the Woman to come over to were her and Jamie sat . ' Her father explained ' When you were Born Your Heart was no Good and we were told you would die with in a few Hours . And in the next room a Woman had lost her baby in a car accident . You needed a Heart to live This woman here before you ' Gave you life ' she gave you her only child 's heart that is why you have that scare on your chest We always told you a Angel had Kissed you from above on Your Birthday . For it was This Woman whom Gave you life there fore she is also Your Mother we wanted her here on this special day So she could hear her Child 's Heart beat within you On Mothers Day as a Gift to her for Giving you life . Or we would have lost you at Birth . We waited till you were old enough so you would understand . Everyone in the Room had tear 's in there eye 's For now Jamie realized she had not one Mother But Two . . whom surly loved her . . ' One that Gave her Life in Birth and one that gave her back life in Death . Only a True Mother Could be so loving and Brave … The woman listened To Her Only Child 's heart for the first time Log in to Reply ↓ Mainiac May 12 , 2017 at 6 : 52 pm oops wrong spot lol Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 16 , 2017 at 7 : 28 am This is tragic , and a horrible way to meet one 's birth mother . It also shows , once again , how thoughtless her father can be in his " compassion " . He 's introducing his daugher to a mother she 'll never know , and dragging his ex in so she can watch her daughter die . Most of the authors I like to read wouldn 't be able to post on here unless they took the realism out of their dialog and were careful with their prose as not to infuriate the spam filter . As a result , after a few tries , they would cease to attempt a post . If their villain was a thug from the underworld , would they insert an asterisk in certain words whenever he spoke ? I don 't think so . It 's distracting and they would be put off by such distractions . Of course they could consider the spam filter and write to suit it , but then the writing would suffer and who wants that ? King , Patterson , Koontz , Roberts , Ludlum , Follett , Baldacci , to name a few , would have as much trouble posting as we do . Try telling them about asterisks . Log in to Reply ↓ jhowe May 12 , 2017 at 4 : 46 pm Whoa , who wrote that ? He must be having a bad day . And on Mother 's Day weekend … how tacky . He 'll try again next week and maybe charm the socks off you . Log in to Reply ↓ nchorsemama May 12 , 2017 at 5 : 05 pm Lol jhowe ! I 'm still trying to figure out the rules . I 'm paying close attention to comments to get an idea of what I can and can 't say . When I get rejected by the spam filter , I post them on my own site and link to it from here . I 'd be happy to host yours . I always enjoy them . Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 16 , 2017 at 7 : 22 am I find it truly odd the " magic words " that are censored . It 's like we are being forbidden from discussing certain topics without being told . The last bit in italics is what bothers me ; censor me if you really want to , but at least tell me that I 'm being censored . " I hate to break this to you son , but that phony princess you 've been catering to all these years isn 't really your mother . Artue is . You 're old enough to know that now . " Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 16 , 2017 at 7 : 19 am Okay , this is strange ; strange in a good way , that is . I guess there was room inside that tin can for a robo - womb … O _ o Dog and Rat sat gripping hands on the edge of Dogs bed as they listened to the news their Father was giving them . After his first two sentences , their thundering hearts drowned out the rest . They watched in silence as he left and gently closed the bedroom door . They hadn 't responded . How could they ? Their birth Mother had been in prison for the past 10 years for selling them for crack . Now she was out and coming here ! Daniel and Dani were 13 year old twins whose Mother judith had indeed sold them for crack when she was at her lowest point over ten years ago . They 'd ended up with a sadistic woman so cruel that their Father worried they may never fully recover . " It 's been 6 months David and they still don 't answer to their own names ! Well I refuse to call them Dog and Rat ! " Donna , David 's sister cried . " And on Mother 's Day David really ? Haven 't they been through enough ? " More than enough David thought guiltily . He really didn 't think he 'd ever be able to forgive himself for not seeing his now , ex - wife 's , drug problem . Ten years he 'd lost with them to that monster ! The twins psychologist had already revealed to him some of the punishments his children had to endure . Kneeling on rice for hours on end , being thrown into ice baths , sleeping in dog cages in the barn . It made him ill to just think about it and those names she called them Dog and Rat ! For 10 years that was their names . " David ! Are you listening to me ? " " I know ! What do you want me to do , Donna ? It 's Judge ordered , a condition for her release ! The program she 's been in has steps and she 's coming to atone . " " They should have just let her rot in there for the rest of her miserable life ! " He agreed wholeheartedly with her on that count . " The psychologist said it may be helpful . " " I disagree ! " He had his doubts too . His children had yet to be enrolled in school , neither knew how to read or write . They 'd never been to school or had any friends . Only each other . When speaking to each other , they had their own language . The psychologist said it was normal . I just want my children back ! He thought violently , and prayed they wouldn 't be damaged further . David , the children , and their aunt were gathered in the dining room when the psychologist joined them . David had begged for him to come today when they met their Mother . He still wasn 't sure that this was a good idea . The table was laden with a Mother Day feast , for the children not their Mother . He been trying to get them to believe they had plenty of food so they would feel the need to steal and hoard the food . The honey baked ham had his mouth watering . The crispy skin on the roasted chicken was just begging to be plucked and put into his mouth . The mashed potato 's and gravy still have steam rising off of them . The string beans were smothered with bacon pieces just the way he loved it . Oh those golden rolls … . . he could wait to slather them with creamy butter . His Sister had done a fine job indeed . He hoped they would be done eating before Judith arrived . They had just sat down and were filling their plates when the doorbell rang . No one moved . It was the children 's psychologist who gained his wits first and got up to answer the door . There stood Judith and a deputy Sheriff . The years had not been kind to her . She looked much older than her 33 years . When they reached the dining room door everyone was standing . The twins who were closest to the door stood board straight holding hands . Judith took in the scene before her . The uneaten plates of food , her ex - husband and sister - in - law . When her eyes reached the children she teared up . They were so small for thirteen , and way too thin . " Rat " Dog held out his hand and was handed a small paper sack . His eyes never released his Mother 's gaze . He opened the sack and poured it 's contents onto the floor in front of his Mother . Small grains of dried rice littered the hardwood floor . Log in to Reply ↓ MoiraiTQ May 12 , 2017 at 2 : 01 pm You 're welcome ! I just read it again , for the third time . Chills . Right up there , imho , visually with Stephen King . Log in to Reply ↓ nchorsemama May 12 , 2017 at 2 : 45 pm Such wonderful words for encouragement ! I love Stephen King ! Thank you so very much MoiraiTQ ! Observer Tim May 12 , 2017 at 3 : 08 pm I had a little trouble following at first , and only when I got my bearings did the true horror sink in . It 's a truly nightmarish scenario you 're describing here . I 'm a little surprised they remembered her given that ten years had passed and they were only three when sold , but I 'm guessing their mother hasn 't changed that much . I 'm guessing the psychologist will put a stop to the torture before it goes too far … Log in to Reply ↓ nchorsemama May 12 , 2017 at 3 : 21 pm Thanks for reading Tim . I don 't think they remember their Mother at all . I think they just believed their Father that she was their Mother . I think they want her know what hey were subjected to . I also would hope that if no one else , at least the deputy Sheriff would step in . Thanks again ! Log in to Reply ↓ nchorsemama May 12 , 2017 at 4 : 23 pm Oh I love that ! ! ! Yes , please do ! ! What a wonderful idea MoiraiTQ MoiraiTQ May 12 , 2017 at 6 : 06 pm Here is what I 've done . I had to quit here because I need to go home . I 'm so intrigued with this story and story line . Everyone just froze . The small movements of the boys , the falling rice , the ice bath torture . It hadn 't clicked in everyone 's heads , yet , what the boys were going to do . Luckily , the deputy and the psychologist woke up . The psychologist moved toward the boys and knelt at there level , ignoring the pain of the rice on his knees . It was nothing compared to what they had endured . The deputy gathered the adults and walked them outside . It was apparent that the twins were not going to do well around their mother . The deputy told David and Donna to stay on the porch . He walked Judith to the squad car and she got in the back seat . Kerry Charlton May 12 , 2017 at 4 : 59 pm Oboy , this is realism with a capitol ' R ' . I don 't blame them a bit , however it isn 't going to help the twins as they watch their mother suffer . An eye for an eye causes nothing good , I know it 's just a story but it hits hard and that 's what it 's intended to do . Good job writing it . Log in to Reply ↓ nchorsemama May 12 , 2017 at 5 : 20 pm Thank you Kerry ! I agree you on the eye to eye . I 've only ever written for myself ( for my eyes only ) lol This is all new to me . I am thoroughly enjoying these scene exercises and really appreciate everyones input . I 'm finding out that my mind has a will of it 's own ! lol ' Same old , same old . ' Brad thought , bring Mom a dozen roses , two if I have enough money and take her to lunch . ' Since his parents had split eight years ago , he never considered his father because of the way he had always treated his Mother . This year he had invited his Dad to see if a reunion might be a possibility . Then he thought twice , ' I have to tell Mom . Surprising , he found his Mom excited about it and she arrived early for her party wearing an off the shoulder that accented how she still looked with s fabalous figure . Most of the other family had arrived when Brad ' father showed up with a beauty on . his arm , and Brad knew she looked familiar to him but why ? He knew her face and her voice was ringing a bell in hid mind but it was that come - hither look that some women of the ages had that tweaked his attention . A Mona Lisa smile and the low voice of a torch singer Then it hit Brad . Because he was an aficionado of old TV series one in . particular came to mind . Henry Mancini had drenched the series in his music , a torch singer played Peter Gunn 's girl friend , none other than Lola Albright . Brad 's father started the introduction . Out of the corner of his eye , Brad noticed his Mom in a fit of rage as she ran across the room toward Lola , her hands turned into claws . A quick glance at Lola showed Brad the fear she felt as he stepped in between the two . His Mother ' voice rang through the room . " This is the last straw Lola . Was this Charlie 's idea of revenge and why on Mother 's day ? " I would like to say . " Brad announced , “< one thing on a special day for both of you . I never dreamed of having two Mother 's but if I had , I would have " Now that 's over , can we eat , ? Dad , where are you ? Why are you standing over there ? It 's because of you that I have two Mother 's . I thank you for that . Come join us and let 's be thankful for Mother 's everywhere . I have the rare honor of having two , one to sing me to sleep at night and one to wake me up in the morning . Log in to Reply ↓ Kerry Charlton May 12 , 2017 at 3 : 40 pm Sorry for the difficulty . I tried to post for two days with a perfect edited story , no go . Then posted it into the box with my phone , letters so damn small I couldn 't read a lot of them . Is it Friday 13th ? Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 12 , 2017 at 2 : 59 pm What a wonderful sentiment , Kerry ! It 's a good reminder that in a complex world we have to be thankful for everything we have in plenty , especially mothers . What a well - mannered son was given birth to by one and raised by the other . Log in to Reply ↓ Kerry Charlton May 12 , 2017 at 3 : 42 pm Log in twerp has been around me for weeks , Have to log in twice everytime I get to the site . I 'm glad you liked my mushy Mother 's Day . I think of her often , especially now . Log in to Reply ↓ ReathaThomasOakley May 14 , 2017 at 5 : 43 am Hey Kerry , I posted that I clearly remembered Peter Gunn when you issued the Lola challenge before . We might be the only ones who do . Another great piece , well done as usual . Mother 's day comes . around . You know . my Mother was a writer herself and wrote a weekly column for the Coral Gables newspaper . No education . past the 10th grade yet she read a lot every day and taught herself . I have an idea the editor of the paper was a good friend and spent some of his time advising her . Log in to Reply ↓ Kerry Charlton May 15 , 2017 at 4 : 08 pm Thank you Beebles . Lola Albright only needed a small break to hit the big time . Good torch singer and had the looks to go along with it . But as with a lot of other talented people , it never happened . ' Tis a shame laddie . Log in to Reply ↓ MoiraiTQ May 12 , 2017 at 11 : 09 am It sounds like you may have words that are not approved . I had two in my story below . If you have words that are spelled the same as body parts or a personal orientation , then it won 't go through . Log in to Reply ↓ Kerry Charlton May 14 , 2017 at 3 : 53 pm Very intriguing Beebles . A perfect ending to leave the reader finish it for himself . The background as usual is complete , adds mystery to the story and prepares the reader to carry on for himself . I am left with a mountain . of questions myself . I was almost done setting the table for our annual Mother 's Day meal for my mom . The snacks were on the living room table . Wine was chilling in the fridge . My lady friend , whom I 've been dating for about eight months , with the last three pretty seriously , was coming over before mom . It was time for mom to meet her . It was almost three when the doorbell rang . Jackie was supposed to come by then . I opened the door fully expecting to see her and was smiling broadly . My smile dropped . It was my dad . My dad and I aren 't on good terms . He left mom when they were in their 40s . He claims it was a mid - life crisis . Mom wasn 't so sure . " Hello dad . What do you want ? " I said with my disgust in my voice . " You know mom will be here soon . I don 't want you around when she 's here . " " Hello Mary Ann . I know she 'll be here soon , but I wanted to talk to you before then . It won 't take but a few minutes . " " Hold on . I need to get someone . " He walked around to the front of my house . I heard two pairs of footsteps , his and a woman 's . Why was he bringing a woman over ? And on Mother 's Day ! I won 't let him ruin my mood . I heard them enter my house and turned . My jaw dropped . " Mary Ann , I want you to meet your biological mother . Her name is Jackie . " I jumped up from the sofa and shouted , " Jackie ! What are you doing with my dad ? ! Biological mother ? " I turned red . I was angry and confused . All of that turned to nausea . The thoughts of Jackie and me … It was too much . I ran down the hallway , into the bathroom , and vomited into the toilet . I rinsed my mouth and brushed my teeth , then splashed my face with cold water . I didn 't dare look in the mirror . No one spoke for several tense seconds . Dad spoke first . " Well , it 's obvious you two know each other . Someone want to tell me how and why ? " I tilted my head and lifted my right eyebrow at Jackie , as if to say , " Well ? " She began . " Well , no , Mary Ann , I didn 't know until earlier today . Your father called me , after all these years , to say that he wanted to see how I was doing and wanted to go to lunch . It was during lunch that he said he wanted to reintroduce us . You see , he and I were married a long time ago . It was only after I found out I was pregnant when I realized that I preferred women . I loved being pregnant and loved my baby ; I just couldn 't stay with your father . I gave you up when we divorced . I tried to tell him that today was not the best day to tell you , but he insisted . " My dad 's face changed , as if the wheels finally turned to the correct thoughts . It was his turn . He sprinted down the hallway . When he walked into the living room , he was looking at me , embarrassed . " Well , dad , I 've always been attracted to older women . I met Jackie almost a year ago , just by chance , at the gym . We hit it off . We were a couple . Until today . " Log in to Reply ↓ E . C May 11 , 2017 at 7 : 56 pm Whoa ! That was honestly a roller coaster lol it was shocking . Man , I loved the last remark . Talk about plot twists . Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 11 , 2017 at 7 : 59 pm This manages to be both comic and tragic at the same time . I 'm a bit curious about why Mary Ann 's dad did this , and on this day ; I 'm sensing he 's a real spiced dried meat ( i . e . jerky ) who chose the date and time deliberately . Even if he was expressing some form of moral unction about the union ( presumably because the two were dating in a cestuous way ) , his tactic shows that his main goal was to hurt his daughter , his ex - wife , or both . Good job creating a small - minded villain , Moirai . Log in to Reply ↓ MoiraiTQ May 11 , 2017 at 9 : 01 pm Dad is a bit of an a - hole . A passive aggressive SOB . Thank you for your wonderful words ? Log in to Reply ↓ Kerry Charlton May 12 , 2017 at 4 : 02 pm What a curb at the end , someone mentioned a roller coaster , felt more like a whirly bird . Writing is at a fast clip and you have to hold on to your chair when you read . Phew ! ! Log in to Reply ↓ MoiraiTQ May 14 , 2017 at 12 : 36 pm Wow ! Thank you ! ! ! It flew out of my fingers just as quickly . " Why is he bringing her ? " asked Fran . " We all know he 's having an affair with her , and we know he 's the father . The baby shares half her alleles with us . " I was the calm one . " Come on , give him a chance ; he says he has an explanation . " Personally , I was every bit as curious as they were , but I seem to be the holder of the family supply of self - control . " And he had to save it for Mother 's Day . What a louse . " Fran carefully hid the baseball bat she 'd moved up from the basement so it couldn 't be seen in the hall closet . Of course most of our anger evaporated when Kayla showed us little Amanda . Even Fran 's twenty - minute tirade about the insult of naming the baby after Mom evaporated in the face of the little pink bundle of burbling . It took several attempts for Dad to even get our attention . " Fran ! Dad 's not exactly normal , but he 's not that crazy . " I planted my hands on my hips in my best Mom impersonation and stared at him . " Explanation please , Dad . " " Girls ! Hear me out . This was your mother 's idea ; she was diagnosed with bowel cancer . The doctor gave her two weeks to live , and she took that as a challenge . The cloning process was ready for human tests , and she decided not to wait for government approval . We used one of Kayla 's eggs and impregnated her with your mother 's DNA . " " Not exactly . She had everything ready , including the mnemonic transfer . Not only does the baby have your mother 's DNA , she also has all of your mother 's memories and consciousness ; her soul , if you believe in that sort of thing . In every way except age she is your mother . She 'll even tell you that herself when her palate firms up enough so she can talk . " " No , it 's okay ; I should have known when I tried to burp Mom that she 'd spit up on my shoulder . I did it enough times when I was her age . I 'm just going to go change my shirt now . " Log in to Reply ↓ RafTriesToWrite May 12 , 2017 at 2 : 11 am Loved what you did to weird things up OT ! The change of mood really waas a sight for sore eyes for me . Lovely read ! Thanks . Log in to Reply ↓ Pete May 12 , 2017 at 10 : 54 am This one is too much , I kept trying to get my head wrapped around it but then I was laughing . Wonderfully weird . Just great ! Log in to Reply ↓ ReathaThomasOakley May 14 , 2017 at 5 : 30 am I 've actually wondered how something like this could go if / when humans are cloned . Thanks for explaining , but I 'm still not sure it 's a great idea . Fun story . Log in to Reply ↓ Beebles May 15 , 2017 at 6 : 22 pm I 'm still trying to get to grips with what 's going on in that tiny mind . Hers of course OT . Yours clearly has no limits . Never known to disappoint . Log in to Reply ↓ MoiraiTQ May 11 , 2017 at 2 : 00 pm Sorry . There shouldn 't be an ELSE in my comment above . Is anyone seeing my second MD Fiasco ? Log in to Reply ↓ MoiraiTQ May 11 , 2017 at 3 : 58 pm I 've tried it several times today . Tried copy pasting from Word and notepad . Created an alternate account and won 't post . I tried pasting it into a comment and will not post . it has 606 words . I 'm thinking I may have to break it into two parts . Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 11 , 2017 at 4 : 55 pm Check it for words related to biological reproductive acts and social hot - button topics . There 's a silent filter on the site that blocks explicit progonaphy , termination of pregnancies , and a number of other issues . Some of the keywords are quite abstruse … E . C May 11 , 2017 at 10 : 19 am It had felt like hours . It was almost as if the roses had already started to wilt . The sun was setting over the horizon . Madison wrung her hands , and peered at the clock . Eight o ' clock . 8 : 30 . It was dark now , the spring breeze sifted through the curtains as she sat on the couch , her knees pulled up to her chest . Her family had left hours ago , the presents laid untouched on the dining room table . Madison 's eyelids dropped , Her head was suddenly heavy . There was a small click . Her eyelids fluttered open . Her father was standing in the door . " Hi honey , " He seemed hesitant . " Is something the matter ? " She rubbed her eyes and stood . " When 's mom coming home ? " " Well darling , she isn 't . " " She what ? What do you mean ? " Madison opened her arms and gestured to all the decorations and the presents on the table . " But I did all this for her . Where did she go , I really wanted to surprise her . " Tears pricked the corners of her eyes . " I need to tell you something , this is your real mother . " Madison 's head snapped up . A gentle looking woman peered out from behind her father . Her hair poured over her shoulders in dark brown ringlets . Her face was round and soft , not a single mark or blemish hindered her flawless skin . Even her hands were dainty and petite . Though Madison had adopted her father 's golden wavy locks , this woman had the same bright , crisp , and glassy green eyes . " Who is this woman ? " Madison took a step back . " Ah , I know this is sudden but . Your mother and I found out that , 18 years ago we took home the wrong baby . " " What ? ! How can you take home the wrong baby ? How can you mess up something like that ? ! It 's crazy ! " " Your tone right now is unacceptable . Pack up your things and get out of my house . " " What ? ! Dad ! You can 't just send me off with a stranger ! " His face contorted into that of disgust . " You aren 't even my child , your real mother is going to take you back . " Madison 's blood ran cold and slow like molasses , her stomach churned . Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 11 , 2017 at 11 : 50 am This story wins the award for " most heartless bastard of a father ever " , which surprises me because in a couple of the tales ( including mine ) the mother got murdered . Focusing on Madison 's emotions helped build the scene , and definitely amplified the shock at the end . I hope for Madison 's sake that she can learn to love her biological mother , because she 's better off without either of the parents who raised her if that 's how they decide to play it . I think the worst moment for me is when he called her " honey " at the door before throwing her out . Log in to Reply ↓ E . C May 11 , 2017 at 7 : 00 pm I 'm glad to hear that you were all pulled in at least a little . Originally I was going to have the woman at the door be a mastermind behind all this but as I was writing it in between classes I thought why not go with something a little less time consuming . I wanted to opt for a sort of thriller since I don 't do it very often , I 'm still trying to figure out what I do and don 't like to write . Log in to Reply ↓ KERobertson May 11 , 2017 at 1 : 16 am Mother 's Day Fiasco : ( Hello everyone , I am new to the website and this is my very first post . I hope you all like it ! ! I did change it up a little . I have never been so great at following my prompts exactly . ) Two things were off about this morning , only two . Other than that , the day started off as normal as it could . As normal as it ever does . I woke up hot and sweaty because my dog decided to sleep in the bed , again , despite all my protesting though I can never really say no . I made myself some coffee , three sugars no cream . I went through my routine with an almost zombie - like obliviousness to the world around me . To consciousness even . Why think that early in the morning ? I almost made it through the entirety of my routine when I let my dog outside and was jerked out of my haze with a sudden gust . It was cold outside . It was cold outside and the sky almost told a story of danger to come as the wind pulled and tugged at my robe . A ball of anxiety settled in my stomach . It seemed the wind was whispering , something is wrong … run for cover . I shook my head and at the same time tried to shake off the ever - growing anxiety . It was Mother 's Day and I would not have it ruined . The second of strange things didn 't happen until later in the day after hours of preparation for the party . I had invited the almost the whole family over to celebrate . Almost meaning the family that was over the need to cause meaningless drama that every family seems to have , or so I had thought . We were celebrating for a couple reasons . The most important of which it was Mother 's Day and it was also a week away from my Mother 's 60th birthday . I knew no one else would care enough to throw her the party she deserved so I took the responsibly upon myself . There was snacks , booze , and music . We were set up to have the time of our lives . The only problem was that stupid little ball of anxiety that just wound tighter and tighter . There was already a decent crowd when my mom walked in . It was at 6 : 15 . I remember because it was the exact same time the pizza guy knocked on the door . I gave him his money and then turned my attention to the guest of honor , pizza totally forgotten . At the sight of her all the anxiety from the day washed away . She was my best friend and this was her day . At that moment I thought that the only off - putting moment of the day was past and now I could relax and enjoy the party . Which I did completely . There was drinking and joking and card games , which I am very good at by the way . It had been a long time since I had seen my mom that happy , even though I kept winning . Not since dad had passed 5 years ago . Everything was as near perfect as it could be all things considered . That was , until one of my aunts let something slip . I was headed towards the kitchen to restock our chip bowl when I heard them whispering near the bathroom . It was my aunt on my dad 's side and her husband . I shouldn 't have stopped to listen . I don 't know why I did , I am not prone to eavesdropping . No matter what I should or shouldn 't have done , I did it , and what I heard was not something I ever expected to hear . The second off thing about today . More than off , life - changing really . " You know it 's real funny when you think about it , " my aunt almost cackled , " no one would ever throw Sylvia a party … . she 's such a drag . No wonder the one person who does is that half - wit drop out who thinks she 's her daughter . I wonder what she would do if she knew that her mother was 23 years dead . Now she was someone who deserved a party . She would die all over again if she could see how her daughter turned out . " Drunk , they are obviously drunk . That 's what I told myself as I found myself walking away from the kitchen still clutching my chip bowl . My feet were making their way to my room , I barely heard the people calling out to me as I passed through the living room . They are just drunk . I was sitting on the bed now , bowl still in my hands . Her words replayed in my head . 23 years dead . That would mean she died in childbirth . Who was she ? Wait what am I thinking . She didn 't die in childbirth because she is not my mom . My mom is in the other room celebrating at the party I threw … and I need to get back . I threw my head back , squared my shoulders , and gave myself a good mental slap . Now was not the time to let mindless babble get to me . I ignored the now returning ball of anxiety and walked proudly into the living room and sat down for another game . The rest of the night was a bit of a blur . My mom didn 't act any different . It didn 't feel any different . I convinced myself it was because nothing was different . I had even managed to enjoy it , or at least that 's what I acted like . That 's what I told everyone as they left one by one . I couldn 't ignore it though . I saw their sideways glances and their bent heads whispering . I knew what they thought of us now . I couldn 't pretend that nothing had changed . I had made my decision before I really knew what I was doing . I pulled my mom into my room after the last of the guests has left . It 's hard to explain how difficult it is to bring something like this up in conversation . Where to even begin ? How do you even say it ? Eventually my mouth just kind of blurted out what I heard my aunt saying earlier . I watched my mom 's face go from genuinely happy , to confused , to almost what I would call mournful . I watched it and it broke my heart . Who cares who gave birth to me . Who cares about what people who don 't matter whisper when they are drunk . The woman in front of me was my mom . As far as I was concerned that 's all that mattered . It turns out that my biological mother was my real mother 's sister . She died giving birth and her sister , my mom , took me in . Oh how we cried that night as my mom relived the death of her sister and admitted to me that I wasn 't really hers . She cried and cried as she told me how much she loved me . How much it felt like I was really hers . How no one could ever ever say I wasn 't her daughter . In the end that 's what mattered . She was my mom . She raised me and loved me and kept me safe . She was my best friend . Who cared what anyone else thinks . We have each other and that 's all I cared about . A week later me and my mom opted out of having a party and instead the two of us had lunch together . We talked about everything . How the family felt about me dropping out of college , how they blamed her for it . How they thought she would never be able to be the kind of mom her sister would have . Most importantly we talked about how wrong they are . How wrong we would prove them . Us against the world , forever and always . Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 11 , 2017 at 11 : 42 am There 's a real intensity here , KE . I think I have some of these relatives ; I know I have some of the anxieties . Your focus on the emotional impact of the situation helps it grab hold of the emotions and squeeze . I 'm very glad the story worked out the MC and her mother , and it sounds like they 'd be better off without her father 's family figuring more than occasionally in their lives . Log in to Reply ↓ ReathaThomasOakley May 14 , 2017 at 5 : 12 am Very well done . The beginning pulled the reader into the story , the dog was perfect . I liked how the potentially destructive overheard conversation led to an even better relationship . Log in to Reply ↓ KERobertson May 15 , 2017 at 12 : 13 am Thank you ! I was tired so I feel like I started off strong and then slowly lost it . I definitely should have let it sit overnight then edited before posting . Log in to Reply ↓ nchorsemama May 10 , 2017 at 11 : 03 pm Gabby was vibrating with unleashed energy . She was riding Sternlin ' Silva " Silver " as she she fondly called him , her favorite thing thing do in all the world . Her best friend really , if she ever stopped long enough to think about it , he was her only friend . She had just finished sharing the wonderful news with him . She was going to see her real Mother tonight ! It was Mother 's Day , and the first Mother 's Day she ever really wanted to celebrate . The woman she 'd called Mother all these years despised her and said nary a kind word . She 'd known from a very early age that there was no love coming from her . On the other hand , the man she called Papa was very kind and did indeed love her , but from afar . He was always away on business , traveling around the world , for what , she knew not . He gifted Silver to her on her fourth birthday , and to this day eight years later , it was the best present she 'd ever received . " Ready Boy ? What do you say we fly like the wind today " She said with anticipation . Silver was dancing in place . He could feel the energy pulsing through her on his bare back . He snorted and pawed the at the ground . He was more than ready ! They took off like a bullet out of the stable and sailed over the pasture gate . The rolling hills of the English countryside was indeed her backyard . Long red gold curls flew out behind her like morning sunshine . She laughed as they soared over the huge fallen oak that went down in a storm two years ago . He made the stream that flowed through the valley seem like just a puddle . She was having a glorious time , so much so that she gave him his head as they launched over the neighbors 5 foot stone fence . They weren 't on the property two minutes before the dogs gave chase ! It was a game they 'd played many times , and Silver had o problems outrunning them on this day . As Gabby and Silver returned to the stable , the butterflies intensified in her stomach . Only one hour until dinner and she would see her Mother . " Looks like you two had a long run today . " Colin said with a smile . It was a rare sight indeed to see such a smile on Gabby 's face . " Where are they ? " she asked to no one , for she was alone in the study . As she paced , she passed her father 's bookcase with the glass doors and saw her reflection . She paused and ran her fingers through her windblown curls . Her face was flush from her glorious ride in the sun . Would her Mother recognize her ? Would she look like her Mother ? How she had longed to be loved . Gabby stood stock still . Was that voices she heard ? She ran over the the window seat and sat down . Yes ! Footsteps and voices coming closer ! She suddenly felt sick . What if her Mother didn 't like her ? A hysterical laugh could be heard coming toward the study . It got louder with each step . It almost sounded mad . As his wife reached the open door , he could see the hatred in her eyes . She continued to laugh that evil laugh as she said … . . " Did you really think I would raise your bastard child ? I sold that one when she was two years old , all these years and you knew knew ! " She laughed harder and longer at their stunned expressions . Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 11 , 2017 at 11 : 34 am Apparently there 's a fourth Bronte sister . This is a wonderful tale in the gothic style , NC ( assuming " Horse Mama " is an honorific ) . I was all set to comment on how your beautiful imagery captured this wonderfully optimistic tale , but then the last two paragraphs turned the whole thing on its head . I can easily see this as the start of a nineteenth - century novel about Gabby 's search for her birth mother , and about Charles and Sara 's search for their birth daughter . Bravo ! Log in to Reply ↓ nchorsemama May 11 , 2017 at 11 : 41 am Thank you so very much for your kind words , this was my first go at this , so I was out of my comfort zone . Sorry about the typos I found your site late last night and decided to be brave . lol Looking forward to trying another . Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 11 , 2017 at 1 : 51 pm Congratulations on being brave ; showing your creativity to the world is like opening up a tiny piece of your soul to others . Now you 've had your first taste of the " rush " of positive and / or constructive review , I hope you 're hooked . Look forward to seeing you around . Log in to Reply ↓ ReathaThomasOakley May 14 , 2017 at 5 : 02 am Good job setting the scene and mood of the piece . Your characters are well done , especially Colin , who is only seen for a moment . Enjoyable read . Log in to Reply ↓ MoiraiTQ May 10 , 2017 at 11 : 58 am Mother 's Day 2017 . This will be a year to remember . This is the year that I found out I had two mothers . My dad wasn 't a bigamist , but we found out Aunt Josie is really our mom . We all already loved Aunt Josie , but this sheds a new light onto our family . We 're all adults , so there shouldn 't be any tantrums . Anyway , I digress . As dad and Aunt Josie / mom walk further into the living room , we were all stunned and silent . It 's a good thing that Mom , or at least the woman we called mom our whole lives was dead and not able to see this . Then there was a cacophony of voices . Everyone was trying to talk at once . Poor Aunt Josie and dad just stood there . My brother Frank has the loudest voice and he yelled for everyone 's attention . " Well , your mom and I loved each other , but she couldn 't have any children . " Dad said . " With your Aunt Josie being you mom 's twin , we thought she would be a good donor . We won 't go into details about how you all were conceived … " " Your mom wore a pillow under her clothes to make it look like she was pregnant . Aunt Josie was able to hide it with her weight . This is one reason why you all were born so close together . We didn 't want to have to explain it to you children when you got older and before you could understand . Your Uncle Fred wasn 't able to have children either , so he was happy to see Josie be pregnant and help your mom . So when we were done having children , I had a vasectomy and Josie went on a diet . " " After your Uncle Fred died and your mom was sick , your father and I talked about telling you three and how best to do that . We probably should 've waited for another day . " Aunt Josie said this in her calm and reassuring voice . " We wanted to honor your mom , as usual , on Mother 's Day , but also wanted you all to know that I am part of your lives , too . " While we were no longer silent , we were subdued . Frank 's wife , Andrea , spoke up first , " Well , Josie , welcome to the family as our mom . You know we do love you . We 're so happy that we still have another mom to love and wish a happy Mother 's Day to . Let 's eat ! " We all stood behind our chairs for our traditional Mother 's Day toast . Dad started . " Here 's to the wonderful woman who was Mom to all three of our children . She will never be forgotten or unloved . She loved you all as if she gave birth to you herself . She will be missed . " Frank continued , as dad 's voice started to crack . " And to Aunt Josie , who did give birth to us , was always there for us , and always loved us . We love you , too and always will . As Andrea said , ' Let 's eat ! ' " Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 10 , 2017 at 1 : 01 pm Ooh , I wonder how long that 's been going on … Why do I have the sense that , after a couple of estates are cleared up and several lawyers and at least one judge have been consulted , this family is going to become even more close - knit . This is a lovely story , MoiraiTQ . It reads like the sort of thing that the siblings will be telling their kids , about how Grandpa and Great Aunt Josie ( a . k . a . Grandma the Second ) came together . It 's a lovely take on the prompt and an enjoyable read in its own right . Log in to Reply ↓ RafTriesToWrite May 12 , 2017 at 1 : 53 am I agree with Reatha . It wasn 't too sad as I was expecting based on the last few stories that I 've read below . Well done Moirai ! Definitely satisfying . Log in to Reply ↓ dustymayjane May 10 , 2017 at 11 : 48 am The Evergreens was their mom 's favorite place . Tim and Cara looked forward to the annual get together to honor their mother . This year was bittersweet because it would be Pat 's last Mother 's Day . She was dying of cancer . The Lee 's considered themselves blessed to have her with them this one last holiday . Tim and Cara Lee waited at the white clothed table set for four . The lovely bouquet of roses would certainly bring joy to their mother . With a smile in place they stood as Pat was wheeled towards them . Tim and Cara were stricken by their mother 's frailty . She was a thin veil of herself and it made their hearts break to see her in such decline . " Hello darlings . " She breathed . The always present , coral lipstick in place on an otherwise gray complexion . They each kissed her cheek and sat on either side of her wheelchair pushed to the table by their father Donald . " Hello children . " Donald said . His face tight with apprehension . " Father . " " Dad . How are you ? " Cara asked , guessing at what his response would be . Instead he directed his attentions to a woman standing nearby . " I 'm well considering . " He looked at his wife and then as if deciding things were of an urgent nature , he added quickly . " Cara , Tim . Your mother and I thought it was time to introduce you to someone . This is Claudia . You might remember her . " Tim looked at Claudia perplexed . " Aren 't you Mom 's cousin ? Am I mistaken ? It 's been a long time since we 've been to any family functions . " He was disappointed that the family tradition had been altered but shook Claudia 's hand politely . " What is she doing here Dad ? " Cara turned a darker shade of pink when her mother tsk . . tsked her . " I 'm sorry Mother . " Cara looked to her father for a response even though she 'd been admonished . " Let 's all sit down . " Donald led Claudia to the fourth chair . Tim and Cara shared a questioning look before Pat commented on the flowers . " Oh , look at the roses ! Yel " Your mother and I thought this would be a good time to tell you that Claudia is your biological mother . " Cara shouted . " What ? Today ? " Pat interrupted and quickly shushed her children 's gasps . " Shh darlings . It 's certainly an odd thing to hear , but please listen with an open mind . " " Odd ? That 's not quite what I 'd call it . " This from Tim . Pat 's smile was filled with love and patience , quieting her son . " Claudia isn 't only my cousin , she was my best friend . After learning I was unable to conceive , Claudia selflessly offered to give us the children we wanted so badly . Now that I 'm dying , I wanted to gift you back to her . I know that you both have generous hearts , like hers , and will look at this as a gift to you as well . " Cara held her mother 's hand and allowed her tears to fall . Tim 's Adam 's apple jumped in his throat as he swallowed emotion . Claudia finally spoke . " Children , I have watched you grow from afar and have loved you as if you were mine to keep . Tim , the reason you didn 't come to family events is because of the strain your presence put on me . Your mother knew how I suffered and she loved me enough to spare me that . Cara , I watched you become a beautiful young woman only through the cards and letters I received over the years . I haven 't been blessed with my own children and have so much love to give . I hope you 'll allow me to be a part of your lives , now and especially later . " ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Patricia Ann Lee died later that week with her loved ones by her side . Claudia held her children 's hands and though it 's difficult to lose your mother , it helped to have a new mother there to hold on to . Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 10 , 2017 at 12 : 54 pm And this is the story of some folks who did it right . I love the bittersweet atmosphere you created here and the gentle way that things are worked out at the correct time , and it 's a lovely touch that Claudia 's long wait can come to an end . I love a well - written passing - of - the - torch story . Nicely done , Dusty May . Log in to Reply ↓ RafTriesToWrite May 12 , 2017 at 1 : 45 am That 's it ! I 'm definitely crying . You really got me there , very well made Dusty ! Encore please ! " I gotta see her , gotta show her , gotta tell her … " That man 's crying , Laurel thought , mens don 't cry . She pulled the doll to her face to better inhale the vanilla - smelling deer tongue stuffing . " We know , Horace , that we do , " her aunt Edna said . " I gotta tell my girl ' bout her mama , ' bout Sarah , my sweet lovely Sarah . " Horace sobbed . " She didn 't run off with no railroad man . I gotta tell Laurel . " " No , can 't , Sue Ann ain 't gonna let me , I gotta sneak out , gotta sneak , gotta … " Laurel strained to hear more . Finally her aunt Mildred spoke . " She don 't look much like Sarah , " Horace said as he watched the sturdy child toddle across the porch , a soft cloth doll clutched in one small fist . " Ain 't got her nature , neither , " Mildred , the taller of the two women , said as she lifted the little girl , who struggled to get away before she was carried down the steps and set on the sandy ground . " She 's a fiery one , this girl is , " the other woman , Edna , said with an indulgent smile . " ' Bout all we can do to keep her from hurtin ' herself , so busy she is from time she wakes up ' til second dark . " " But , you can keep her , can 't you ? " Horace asked from the straight chair he 'd propped against the wall of the house . " I ain 't got no way … " " Horace , she been ours since you left her . We tended to her , loved her , and we ain 't never gonna do no different . " Edna sat back in the rocking chair . " We ' preciate you sendin ' out groceries and goods with Desi 's daughter , but this girl 's ours . " Edna watched as Mildred guided the child to the garden . " Horace , you know Sarah didn 't run out on you . You know she was a good girl , no matter what folks been sayin ' , " Edna paused . " It was you what went after her , if you hadn 't … " " You think I don 't know that , ain 't one day goes by I don 't wish I could go back , " Horace let out a sob . " That day , that day , there I was , wore out workin ' on that house , that battle ship of a house , " Horace laughed . " I ain 't never thought it that way . Not a battle ship , no , one a them big boats what comes down the St . Johns , Northern tourists , all dressed up , standin ' up high , lookin ' down on common folks , on fools wishin ' they was up there . " Horace stood . " There I was , up high in my big boat , lookin ' down , prideful , but somethin ' not right , then I seen her . Little slip of a thing , draggin ' that bag , lookin ' lost . But , when I called down to her , she straightened right up , put down her bag , righted that little hat she was wearin ' , " Horace pulled himself back from the past . " But , if I could , I don 't know , even with everthing 's happened , even with my ship sinkin ' , I don 't know what I 'd change . " He went down the steps toward his daughter . " Don 't know , just don 't know . " Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 10 , 2017 at 12 : 47 pm Poor Horace , lost and drifting on a sea of not understanding the women in his life . This brought back a lot of memories , Reatha ; and once again raised Horace as a man to be pitied for letting his circumstances run roughshod over him . Not a word is wasted or out of place , and the power of the situation sits like a rumbling storm that 's run its course . Beautiful . Log in to Reply ↓ RafTriesToWrite May 11 , 2017 at 6 : 57 pm I agree with Tim . Beautifully written indeed ! I found myself empathizing for Horace and his situation with his daughter and everything else in his life . He 's funny , my neighbor , pacing back and forth on his phone , day in and day out , right on his patio in between the flower pots that housed , what , crocus , or belladonna , or maybe marigolds . I wondered what he was talking about and who he was talking to , but I don 't any more . Now , I just watch , wait . He 's bound to change at some point . We all do , right ? He sighed . He 's always sighing . Sighing about breakfast . Sighing about the low fuel light . Sighing about leaving and coming and going and breathing and drinking . Sigh . Sigh . Sigh . " Why would I do that . You 're not my mom , and it 's Mother 's Day . " I turned to my dad . " Where 's mom , dad ? " " Son , look . We 've been through this before . Several times already . Just let us in . " " Dad . Answer the question . " My heart started to pound against my chest , and I could feel the hot sting of tears welling in the corners of my eyes . " Where is she ? " " How I can get ? " I lunged at my dad . " What 's she talking about , dad ? Why does she think she knows me ? " I grasped for his throat as he pulled me close into a bear hug . My dad was strong . But I supposed you had to be strong to break the will of a child . His hands , calloused and thick , pinched my shoulder and side , and my breath slowly eked from me in one long whisper . He fought me , and I thrashed and wiggled , and tried to work my arms free . He was an anchor 's chain , wrapped around the pier so that to move would rend it from the shore . I was a minnow , and he was the weight of the ocean . I heard my blood banging in my ears . He nodded and went back to his patio and sat down like he always does after he gets off his phone , and pulled out his all too familiar notepad . I wondered what he scribbled onto his notepad , right there on his patio in between his potted plants . What were they ? Crocus ? Belladonna ? Marigold ? I don 't wonder anymore . Now , they 're comforting to me . An encouraging splash of color . " Thanks for coming dad , " I whispered and hugged him back . " We don 't see each other enough any more . " " I agree , " he said , and hugged me back . " Oh , and tell mom I love her . When you visit her grave . " He sighed . He 's always sighing . Sighing about lunch . Sighing about the distance between cities . Sighing about love and loss and the wind . Sigh . Sigh . Sigh . He turned to walk away , and waved back at me . Some lady joined him several paces out . Maybe they knew each other . Oh well . Happy Mother 's Day , mom . Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 10 , 2017 at 12 : 40 pm JR , you have an incredible way of writing about mentally damaged people . I find myself empathizing with Herman , who seems to be suffering from some form of juvenile dementia . I can 't quite read whether the woman is his mother ( whom he doesn 't recognize for some reason ) or his father 's new wife who Herman cannot accept ( or possibly even comprehend ) . It 's an intense story and one that leaves me on the edge of tears . Great job . Log in to Reply ↓ ReathaThomasOakley May 10 , 2017 at 2 : 53 pm The opening scene with the neighbor , and mixing marigolds with belladonna , had me wondering what was going on and eager to keep reading . I really liked the anchor / pier description . Then , as the neighbor got off the phone it all started to make some sense . Wonderfully done . Log in to Reply ↓ RafTriesToWrite May 11 , 2017 at 6 : 09 pm That actually made me tear up JR . You got me hooked on the first line that it made me want to read more . It makes me wonder now whether Herman will ever know who was the woman his father was with . Very moving indeed ! Wonderful job . I nearly starved myself to death just to save the money I earned in that ghastly old diner to buy things for mother 's day . Dandelions , because my mom told me herself that this was her favorite , some chocolates because I know she loves them good ' ol Ferrero Rocher and to cook her favorite dish which was the all time family Skye favorite spaghetti and meatballs , but more precisely mom 's spaghetti and meatballs . Although I couldn 't quite replicate the taste of my mom 's spaghetti and meatballs , I tried to do the best that I could - it turned out awful as expected . Given the dreadful track record that I have with my life ever since I moved out of my parents ' house , why did I even thought - just for a second - that I could have one measly moment in my 5 years of being an independent woman to have everything not be so overwhelmingly horrible ? It was on cue - the first time actually - when my parents arrived at my apartment for dinner . I really wish I hadn 't opened that blasted door , I never wanted the drama . I 've had enough of those in the last five years . Her name was Sherry . The name was enough to make me yell at my dad after he explained the surrogacy thing . I couldn 't bear to look at them any longer so I ended the evening short , we never even ate dinner . I just shut the door behind them and sat quietly on my old rustic beige couch , staring blankly at the carefully set dining table . ' What was he thinking ? ' I thought to myself . It was all too much by then , so I ran up here , hoping I would find the answers that I 'm looking for . Fortunately or unfortunately - depending on how you look at it - I found an answer . " It has to end " I whispered under my breath , as the final teardrop slid across my cheek and the smell of the freshly brewed coffee carried by the wind met my senses , I did what I thought was necessary . Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 10 , 2017 at 12 : 33 pm Your character has some pretty serious issues here , Raf ; it seems like she 's having a total emotional breakdown . You did a great job portraying her shattered self - worth and showing us the dark road it was taking her down . This is intense and riveting and leaves me worrying about what she 's going to do next : will she jump or will she cry ? Log in to Reply ↓ RafTriesToWrite May 11 , 2017 at 5 : 56 pm Thanks for the feedback OT ! Honestly , this work was greatly influenced by the sadness I felt when I read Pete 's work below , then I remembered the feeling when I read RTO 's work on Finish This Sentence # 4 . It really got me worked up . I 'd like to thank them as well , that I was able to write this one . Log in to Reply ↓ ReathaThomasOakley May 10 , 2017 at 2 : 55 pm Very intense . I so hope she made the right decision in the end . Nicely done . Log in to Reply ↓ RafTriesToWrite May 11 , 2017 at 5 : 59 pm Thanks Reatha ! I was struggling to keep myself from writing a dialogue in this one because I was so used to making them . I 'm glad that this turned out well than I expected . " Scared . Hell , we were . Sorry . I need sleep . My wife took our daughter and ran upstairs . And I opened the door . I just opened it , you know . Probably my brain froze for a moment . It 's not every day you deal with gunshots here . " " Yes . And I saw this strange woman lying on the ground , a few feet behind him . And a thick streak of blood was finding its way onto the street from our walkway . She was dead . You don 't need doctors to say that . You can just tell she was dead from the look of her eyes . " " That 's fifteen years ago . I had been clear ever since I walked out of that prison . I have a family now . I need to get my lawyer . I need to get my lawyer right now . " " Thank you ! I am not sure what I should grieve about ? The death of a stranger ? Or the false life I lived ? Or the death of my ' real ' mother ? " I dragged myself out of the room and waited outside for my father . He was being interrogated in a different room . I have no idea what this crazy old man was telling the detectives . I probably had more questions to ask than what that young detective had . Who the hell was that dead woman ? And why did my father say she was my mother ? And where was my other mother ? But more than anything else , I was thinking how was I going to get away with this murder ? I had a plan to get away with the murder of my mother ; no , not this stranger who suddenly showed up as a fallen angel in front of my house and took a bullet that was not meant for her . That 's confusing , even for me . But you got it , right ? I am a murderer , and you can count on me for a lousy prose style . First , I need to find a way to get away from this murder . And then plan another one . I know that 's a lot for you to take in now . But what can we do ? Life indeed is stranger than fiction . Do you have more questions now or do I have more ? Maybe , the detectives have more . But it 's not the questions that matter so much , it 's the answers that matter . False answers matter more than the real ones . Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 10 , 2017 at 12 : 25 pm Okay , this one twisted like a snake held by the tail . You did a great job subtly giving the impression that the MC was lying . It sounds like the detective didn 't believe him either . The whole take is an interesting view into the mind of a killer . And why did he want to kill his mother ? And is he somehow in collusion with his father ( who would have seen the shooting ) ? Log in to Reply ↓ chandra _ wd _ writer May 10 , 2017 at 6 : 17 pm Thanks , Reatha . I am really glad you liked it . In retrospect , I think my last paragraph should have had a few more lines to clarify how the MC hired a hitman to do this job . Log in to Reply ↓ Michele May 9 , 2017 at 11 : 45 pm I always wondered why my mother and I seemed worlds apart , until one Mothers Day , a few years ago , my father brought this woman to our annual MD picnic . I remember at first thinking that maybe she was just a friend , or even a co - worker , but when I came upon them in a deep conversation , and noticed how nervous she was , I knew her being there was more then just a casual visit . I tried to sneak away and in doing so I accidently knocked over a watering can that had been carelessly left by some bushes . My father looked up , and for a brief second it seemed as though he wanted to sink into the ground . " Amy ? " I recall him saying , startled that I was there . " Uh , hi dad " , I replied , feeling nervous myself . " Is my father having an affair " , I wondered , as they both seemed guilty about something . He asked me what I was doing there and when I told him I wasn 't spying on them , and that I didn 't even know that they were there , he beckoned me over . I decided to just come out and ask them both why were they huddled together like that , even asking bluntly if something was going on between the two of them , and by the way , " Where was mom ? " My father looked so serious when he took my hand , and giving it a gentle squeeze , replied that my mother was there . I remember him looking so fondly at this other woman , and pulling her toward me said , " Amy , this is your biological mother . " I stared at the both of them , my jaw dropping , and when I glanced back at the woman who stood before me , I sensed a familiarity about her . Had I met her before , I wondered ? " What 's going on , ' I asked . My father draped his arm through mine and said he wanted us to go back to the house so that we could talk . In was the most emotional day of my life as he explained that this woman , Nancy , was my biological mother . He quickly explained how they were in a relationship years ago , and that when she wanted to pursue her doctorate degree , and realizing that I deserved a mother who could beLog in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 10 , 2017 at 12 : 14 pm This is a powerfully emotional tale you 're telling , Michele . I felt totally caught up in the MC 's emotions regarding this strange turn of events . It sounds like her father had to convince Nancy to come , and I 'm left with the impression that she 'll bolt if she gets the chance . The whole tale is powerful , and sounds like it will lead to some serious soul - searching on the MC 's part . Log in to Reply ↓ Michele May 10 , 2017 at 5 : 45 pm Thank you , Reatha & Tim , for the feedback . I did try to separate the sentences into smaller paragraphs , but since the guideline said to write no more then 500 words I didn 't know if it would cut me off after a certain point , and then i wouldn 't be able to continue writing . When I tried to break it up after I was done writing , for some reason it wouldn 't let me . I think I may have clicked on submit first and that 's why it wouldn 't allow me to . The 500 words is a guideline enforced on the honour system , so the site isn 't going to go spare on you if you exceed it . And carriage returns don 't count , so that 's a saving grace too . Keep on writing , and keep on posting ! I love your work . ReathaThomasOakley May 11 , 2017 at 10 : 18 am Michele , to add a bit more to what Tim wrote , trying to keep close to 500 words has forced me to think about every one . I 've certainly exceeded that length a number of times , but , for me , rereading and editing has been a great learning experience . However , please don 't ever let the word limit keep you from telling your story . " That 's no way to talk to your new mother . I 'd like to introduce you to Poppy . " My father says all this as if it was normal to get a new girlfriend without telling your kid . " Poppy ? Sounds like a stripper name , " I retort . " Good to know you 've been hanging out at strip clubs instead of looking for a real job . " " The apple doesn 't fall far from the tree . " We glare at each other for a few seconds while Poppy stands at the door uncomfortably . " It 's fine , really . If you don 't want us here , we 'll be happy to go , " Poppy says . Her voice is smooth , yet high - pitched , like a child 's , and her face matches her voice , young and beautiful . Her outfit catches my eye as she speaks . She wears a pink dress which becomes transparent at her waist . Underneath it , she wears pants with a Japanese floral style stitched in . My dad looks at her as if he 's in a trance , hypnotized by her delicate looks . No matter her beauty , this is not my mother . " Can we talk upstairs ? " I tell my dad , more of an order than a question . I step out from the doorway and let Poppy sit down . Once I walk up the stairs with my dad , I turn towards him . " What is going on ? " Of course she does . Prostitution can make you a ton . And you need to stop yelling at me because I make millions in the stock market . Jealousy will not make you any more successful . " " Jealous ? You think I 'm jealous of your big house and fancy car ? Jordan , you 're a sixteen - year - old high school drop - out . You could have done so much with your life , but you decided to give up before exerting an ounce of effort . But right now I don 't want to point out your flaws , I want you to accept mine . Just let me try something out for once . " He pleads with his eyes , but I still can 't forgive him for throwing my mom out like trash . I just nod my head and walk back downstairs . Poppy sits at a stool chair around the island in my kitchen . As I sit across from her and my dad , I try to make it feel like a normal Mother 's Day . I tune out their voices and watch Poppy swing her legs in a hypnotizing motion . I look towards my dad and try to accept the fact that things change and I can 't help that , but everything still felt off . My eyes drift back to Poppy in front of me , who wears a fragile smile . Why did you enter my life , I wonder . Who are you ? I hear a voice in my head . A voice that is smooth yet high - pitched . Young and beautiful , like a child 's . A voice that matches the face in front of me . A voice that places three words into my mind and leaves as suddenly as it appears . Three words that would change my entire life . Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 10 , 2017 at 12 : 08 pm In my world , this would be start of a story about mind control , with Poppy as the unlikely villain . The whole setting screams questions at me which I would love to get the answers for … What happened to the MC 's actual mother that she couldn 't show up ? Why does the father think his millionaire son is a failure ? How did the MC learn any kind of family values ( probably from his mother ) ? You have me intrigued , Kaboosh . It 's a nicely crafted opener to a much longer ( and I 'm sure more sordid ) tale . Log in to Reply ↓ Kaboosh May 10 , 2017 at 3 : 28 pm Thank you ! I tried to drop subtle hints about mind control to see if anyone could catch it . I was questioning whether or not to continue the series and if I should delve into the supernatural and it 's a yes for both . Hope you enjoy . " That 's not what I mean ; I mean , why are you on the Moon ? Even I can recognize a spacer when I see one . You must have an interesting story . " I was about to start one of the standard lies when it caught in my throat . This nubb would believe what I told him , and was too clueless to tell a fairy tale from the truth . A part of my brain I hadn 't listened to in years said what the heck ? " You can 't do that ! And especially not with a doxy who was only four years older than my big brother ! Mother was no saint , but she didn 't deserve that . I ran away from home to find her . " " Yeah ; her DNA was in the starboard Waste Recycling Unit . I stowed away on the first ship out . I was a useless nubb kid at the time , but they put me to work cleaning cabins . In the years since I got my engineer and navigator tickets . " " Because I sniffed stardust one too many times . Nobody wants a junkie steering their ship or maintaining life support . I got unceremoniously dumped here and have been trying to get out since . And that 's my life ; welcome aboard . " Log in to Reply ↓ ReathaThomasOakley May 10 , 2017 at 12 : 33 pm Rina 's history is so moving . I suspect if any of this becomes a reality there will be lots of folks like these , trying to escape , but with too much stardust . A very entertaining saga with this bittersweet ending ( ? ) . Log in to Reply ↓ Pete May 9 , 2017 at 3 : 58 pm We were on the side patio . The sun fighting with the passing clouds . I 'd just set the burgers on the grille as Lani and Heather sat with the kids , in the thick of negotiations over the usage of the Radio Flyer . I kept glancing back , smiling , at Heather 's kids , with my kids . Still hard to believe we were the parents now . A shiny Buick slid up close , until the tires rubbed the curb just behind Heather 's Rogue . Heather glanced up , her sunglasses perched on her head , the color draining from her face before her smile could drop . I shut the grill as she got to her feet . Heather swallowed , her voice cracking . " What the hell 's he doing ? " " Heather , please , " I said , looking over to Lani with the kids . " It 's … Mother 's Day . " " She 's not our mother . She 's a goddamned monster . " Heather 's three years older than me , which gives her a much more detailed picture of what happened . Dad stepped out of the car , weak but smiling , tossing us a parade wave . Ready to play the role of grandfather . " Hey kids . " Heather groaned . I moved from one foot to the other , wearing a silly chef 's apron like an idiot . Behind us , Lani approached , pulling the wagon , all four kids piled in . Jake , my oldest , pointed to the car , " Who 's that ? " Heather and I seldom spoke about what put her through ten years of therapy . One for every tremulous finger now covering her face . She let out a gasp and ran in the house , leaving Lani torn between going after her , looking over the kids , or standing with me and gawking at the old bastard as he helped a murderer out of the Buick . She went after Heather and stood in the yard . This was supposed to be their day . Jake asked again who the man was and I shushed him , then felt bad about it , so I snapped at Dad . " What are you doing here ? " I shook my head . The woman at his side stood hunched over in the shade , her lips moving , afraid of the curb , her hand in my father 's . " What 's she doing here ? " He ducked carefully to help the old woman . She was creased , her movements brittle . She looked twenty years older than him , maybe that 's what prison did to a person . As for Dad , he looked over the yard , casual as ever . Innocent . But the old man had balls , he took a step in my yard . " We 'd like to spend some time with our grandchildren . " I took a step back , guarding the kids . " I 'd like to spend time with my brother . " Dad flinched at that . Jake looked at me , then to his grandparents , his blue eyes open wide . " Daddy , you have a brother ? " The old man stood there , my son stared up at me . The other kids were back to bickering about the wagon again . The grill was smoking . " She 's not welcome here , Dad . " I got an arm around Heather just in time , trying to harness her rage , but struggling to get a hold on her flailing arms and molten hatred . I smelled the bourbon on her breath , as her hair flew and Lani corralled the kids as they began to cry . Finally , I wrestled her to the ground in a heap of sobs , lifted my head from her hair and saw my father watching us . I pointed up the street , anywhere , " Go . " His mouth opened , shut , and maybe he finally realized he couldn 't rewrite history . He shook his head slowly , got turned around and opened the door . Helped set the murder back in the passenger seat . Heather convulsed in my arms . I shook my head . " It 's not your fault . " She crumpled in my arms , her eyes rolling back thirty years back in her head , seeing Jacob lifeless in the bed where she found him , choked to death by the demon staring out from the the car as it pulled up the street . Once it was gone , I got Heather off the grass and to her feet . She pulled her hair back and stared at the clouds , let out a wet breath . " Come on , " I said , heading for the smoke , " Let 's go hug our kids . " Log in to Reply ↓ dustymayjane May 9 , 2017 at 4 : 21 pm SHIVERS ! ! ! Such a good read and I literally have gooseflesh . Family tragedies never forgiven … I would love to read more about it . Log in to Reply ↓ RafTriesToWrite May 10 , 2017 at 2 : 46 am You left me a really sad feeling Pete . Amazing ! I love this but , how am I supposed to work now ? Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 10 , 2017 at 12 : 02 pm Talk about a dysfunctional family ! There is a reason families tend to break up when things like this are in their past . I 'm surprised the father didn 't warn his kids that he was bringing their mother over , and that they didn 't get a notification that she was out of jail . However , that all pales against the intensity of the scene and the implications of what is going to happen afterward . It 's a dark and tragic situation and you did a great job of capturing the horror of it . Log in to Reply ↓ randi100 May 9 , 2017 at 2 : 54 pm I 'm not a big holiday person but Mother 's Day was always different . I loved making my mom cards and those dreaded macaroni necklaces . My gifts to her always made her eyes light up . She would then shower me in hugs and kisses . This year Mother 's Day was going to be extra special . I moved into my first post college apartment two weeks ago . I couldn 't wait to show off my place to my parents . Even though I still had some boxes to unpack the apartment didn 't look too bad . I dressed up my thrift store kitchen table with more thrift store finds . Tablecloth , candlesticks , and vases made it look quite festive . It had that whole " shabby chic " look to it . All pastels , the favorite pallet of my mom . I even cooked , another mind - boggling accomplishment . I felt so grown up . Everything was perfect ! I took a fast shower . I wanted to be ready when my parents arrived . I planned to meet mom at the door with a bouquet of sunflowers , her favorite . Right at 3 the doorbell rang , they are never late for anything . I opened the door , held out the sunflowers but something was wrong . My dad was standing there with a woman I had never seen before . Dad and a strange woman walked in and complimented me on the beauty of the flowers . I had in fact forgotten my next line . I thought for sure I would get fired from my very first movie . I had whole 4 lines and I couldn 't keep them straight , my nerves were getting the best of me . I was in this lousy , low budget , low talent film and I couldn 't remember my damn lines . The director came over to me and whispered my next line in my ear , " Dad , what the hell are you talking about ? " I went back to my mark and got ready to start the scene over . This time I did it ! I got all my lines and that scene was a wrap . Thank goodness . I got in my car and headed to my parents house . One day I will make enough money to move out on my own . Log in to Reply ↓ Observer Tim May 10 , 2017 at 11 : 55 am This is a clever twist on the prompt , Randi . You caught me by surprise here , though I would hope for some resolution of the movie scene , and more about Janice 's home life . But that said it 's an enjoyable read with a nice surprise . Good job ! Sign up now to learn how to make your submission stand out , how to land an agent and how to attract both child and adult readers . Plus , work with an agent online to refine your work ! Sign Up Now ! The Essential Online Tool for Writers If you 're serious about selling your work , meet your new personal assistant : WritersMarket . com . With a subscription , you can easily locate new , up - to - date markets for publishing your work , get expert " insider " advice , and track your manuscript submissions and publishing contracts . Subscribe Now | Learn More |
I am a wild thing . I am unaware of any rules to obey . I am unencumbered , unleashed , swimming against the current , going against the grain , and climbing trees without a net . I live in a place where there are no rules and boxes do not exist . I can run through wide open fields with abandon , arm stretched far apart , my face shining upward toward the sun , a smile from ear to ear , the wind in my hair , to where the rest of the wild things are . I do nothing that does not resonate within me . I abide by my own inner compass and go where it takes me . This is the way I was born . It is the way I was meant to be for always . It is my essence and I must be true to it . It is what I want to be , what I am meant to be . My world is a kaleidoscope of color , constantly mixing and changing into combinations and patterns of colors I have never seen before . Even more that I have yet to see . They are wild and crazy and full of life . Just like me . Curious . Adventurous . Looking toward new beginnings , new endings . Constantly changing and perpetually moving forward into the uncertain and the unknown . Constantly changing and perpetually moving forward by the passage of time , the change of the seasons , and by those I love . I am a wild thing in a wild world that tries to disguise itself as tame . But it is not . It is as wild as I am ; it is as wild as you are . We are all wild things meant to follow our own paths , our own rules , and our own destinies . Look deep and look hard . Listen . Do you hear that ? Listen close . Listen carefully . Behind the fear , anger , sadness and pain . It is there , waiting for you . You are there , waiting for you . You will find your wildness , who you really are and who you are always meant to be . This is the adventure of life . Discovery , newness , freedom and fearlessness . Embracing life as the wild thing that you are . I am wild thing . Letting go and opening my arms to embrace all the other wild things of the world . Running through wide open fields with abandon , arms stretched far apart , my face shining upward toward the sun , a smile from ear to ear , the wind in my hair , to the place where the rest of the wild things are . " There 's always a way . When things look like there 's no way , there is a way . To do the impossible . To survive the unsurvivable . There 's always a way . In the face of the impossible , we are inspired . So , today , if you become frightened , instead , become inspired . " I stand , facing forward with a tree behind my left shoulder . I cannot see in front of me , only behind me . I am on a hill top , but I cannot see beyond the hill . Next to the tree stands a boy and he is holding a branch from the tree . He wants to die . Not because he is in pain , but because he wants to go back to the source from which he was created . He is the son of Brahma and Brahma is the source of all life . Brahma appears and when he does , his son turns into a mist and dissolves into the belly of Brahma , the source of all living things . Brahma exhales and suddenly there is life all around me . I can see birds and mountains and green grass and leaves on the tree . I still cannot see in front of me . I can only see out of the left corner of my eye . I can hear the sound of a river , birds singing and the wind blowing . I can feel life all around and it is buoyant . I see blooms on the tree and colors fill the world . Fragrance of jasmine and magnolia fill my nostrils . Birds fly over to me and rest on my arms and shoulders . Brahma sits and meditates under the tree . It is so big and full and safe . At first it was just small and dead branches . Now its trunk has grown and its branches provide protection . I am sad and happy at the same time . I lie down and close my eyes and listen to the wind , feel the breeze , hear the birds . I can feel the grass swaying in the wind . Water is rushing through a stream somewhere close . I turn and see the stream is right next to me . I roll over on one side and rest my head on my hand and stare at Brahma who is in deep meditation . I crawl over to him and nuzzle up to him and he holds me . Ganesh arrives and sits with us . Then Shiva . I am surrounded on three sides , but there is a hole in the circle . I must fill it . I crawl away from Brahma and sit in the fourth place and we are now under the tree in a circle . I begin to cry . I am sad . I look at their faces for answers , but they have none . They stare back at me blankly . And as I cry they begin to cry as well . I feel like they share my pain and can understand it . I crawl into the center and they close around me in a tight triangle . They lay their hands on me while I cry . I scream and ask for them to help me , but they tell me all they can do is give me compassion and show me my own strength . I look at Brahma and crawl into his belly and bring Ganesh and Shiva with me . Suddenly I fly out of Brahma 's mouth as a pink bird . I am smiling and feel free . I fly Posted by It is like air . The only way I seem to be able to describe it . Air . The death . The almost death . It is a very real thing that I can 't seem to get a concrete connection to . It didn 't happen to me , but it did . No more , no less . The same , just different . I don 't even know where the emotion began . First , there was recognition , not of it , but of something . Then there was a slow awareness . Then the note . Here comes full on recognition , the kind that is unbelievable . This is NOT happening . But you only allow yourself to suspend belief very temporarily because you realize you are the only one who can do anything to change the situation . So I question . What have you done ? What did you take ? How many ? Can you stay awake ? It 's amazing how quickly instinct steps in and takes over . I have never made a 911 call yet ' it was my next step . Very calmly , very steadily . I make the call . After two rings I hear a voice , the most calming , compassionate , and safe voice I have ever heard . I tell her what she needs to know , but all I want is to cry . All I want is for her to tell me everything will be OK . I suddenly want to tell her my life story . She asks to stay on the line with me until I hear sirens . I pace , she tells me they are on their way , very close , it won 't be much longer . I believe her . I have to . I need to . And they arrive . The instant intrusion and confusion is a bright light . So many strangers at once , all in one room . They are talking to him . They are asking him questions . He seems vaguely coherent , but what about me . Someone talk to me ! I need interaction , I need solace , I need comfort , and I need HIM ! ! ! ! But he isn 't here . He 's there , with them and their questions and their tools . I need to stay moving . I quickly get his license and his health insurance card . This is all I can think to do . I keep calling home . I need my parents . Why don 't they answer ? Why don 't they answer ? Why don 't they answer ? Where is everyone ? I need them . I call and I call and I call and I call . No one . Everyone leaves and one officer says that she will take me to the hospital , that I should not drive myself . I promise her that I will contact a friend and that they will take me . I am now holding two phones , both dialing different numbers simultaneously trying to find help . No one will answer . It is 2 : 00 a . m . It hits me , there is someone I can call to wake my parents . But I don 't know her number . He does , he has it in his phone , programmed . I go searching everywhere for his phone while still trying to wake anyone up . Finally , someone picks up . She says she will be there in 10 minutes . I still can 't find his phone . My parents still don 't know . I call his phone to track it . It is ringing and I find it in a hidden pocket in a jacket . It is still ringing and I can 't get to it , I can 't find a way to open this pocket . There are so many fucking pockets ! I am losing it now . I can 't keep it together . I am ripping his jacket . I left my phone calling while I was trying to get the phone that his phone recorded everything I did . I was screaming . I was ripping at the jacket . I was crying . This would be something he would hear in the next days to come . I call her and she answers . I tell her that he is in the hospital and my parents aren 't picking up their phone . She knows exactly what to do . She will take care of it . Then my friend arrives . We are in the car and moving fast . I call his doctor and tell him what he took . He says to not worry , it isn 't a lethal dose . This should make me feel better , but it doesn 't . The feeling is so new . I have experienced loss and death . This wasn 't like that . Was it terror ? Fear ? Denial ? To this day I can 't say . I am unable to give it a color or a name . What about a sound ? All I come up with is fluttering wind . That doesn 't sound right , does it ? That doesn 't seem very fitting with the heavy situation . Or is it that heavy ? Yes . It is . The hospital is comical . Ridiculous . I have to sneak my friend in with me because only one person is allowed at a time . He is lying there , not sure what is happening , not sure where he is . No one attends to him . I feel exhaustion setting in because I know that I will now have to run herd on the staff to get things taken care of . I will have to run herd on him to keep him awake , whether it is for my sake or his . My parents call . They know and they are on there way . They live 60 minutes away . My mother tells me she will be there 45 . I believe her . I hear it in her voice . They didn 't pump his stomach . They used charcoal to absorb the drugs in the stomach . It is my job to make him drink the charcoal . Slowly , but surely , I get it down him . He keeps talking and makes no sense . Drifts from one thing to another . I have never seen him this way . It is the drugs , yes , but in this kind of state is frightening . No one talks about that part of suicide and overdoses . Why don 't they ? To see a loved one in an altered state is , well , altering . Where are my parents ? Ah , right there . Here they are . I will be OK . For now . You do not wait for me , or beckon me or even welcome me . If I choose , you allow me to ride you . Permission is granted without request . You read my mind if I want you to walk , canter , or gallop . You know intuitively what I need . As we ride , you are not emotive . We are not connected emotionally . You are your own spirit , your own being . You are detached , but not cold . I connect with you through a shared feeling of freedom and safety . You , like the sand , the ocean , the sky , the mountains or the birds , do not accept or reject me . These are not qualities that inhabit your realm . You live like any creature in nature . Without attachment . Without need . Without want . Only to exist . The ocean permits me to swim in it . The sand permits me to walk in it . The mountains permit me to climb them . Birds permit me to hear their song . And just as a tree permits me to rest against its trunk and seek shelter in its shade , you permit me to ride you . And when I ride you , I feel the freedom from emotion and experience the feeling of nothingness . As we ride , we come upon the Tree of Life and as I dismount to find refuge under its large branches , but you do not follow . You remain alone . As I rest , a feeling of loneliness washes over me . I have suddently lost the feelings of safety and freedom and need to be near you . The need is desperate and so I beckon to you . And as you near me , the feeling disappears almost as quickly as it came . I run my hands over your face . I am compelled to look into your eyes . I am searching for something and I do not know what . And then I understand why I wanted you near . Of all the things I see in your eyes , compassion , love , strength , courage , and wisdom , there is something else , something more , and something greater . I see God . It 's strange feeling the hands of someone new on my body . It doesn 't feel quite right . It doesn 't feel like home . You don 't think of these things until they are replaced . It does not occur to you until it happens . You do not realize that you have expectations until they are not fulfilled . The old hands knew what to do . They knew what I wanted and needed before I did . They engulfed me while massaging my thigh just before moving over the flat of my stomach and around the curvature of my waist and torso and then lingered while making their way to the rise of my breasts . Lovingly , fervently , excitedly , intensely . And then back down again . They teased and caressed . They comforted and tickled . I became so accustomed to them that it was as though they were an extension of me . It was as if my body and his hands were having a private conversation . One that only they could hear , but that I could feel . They were the perfect temperature and the perfect size for every part of me . They fit the small of my back , the palm of my hand , the cheek of my ass , the heel of my foot , the muscle of my calf , the inside of my thigh , the arch in my back , the curve in my waist , the whole of my torso , the fullness of my breasts . And his mouth . So familiar . Perfectly fit to mine . As though his were the yin and mine were the yang . Our tongues and lips moved in concert . There was never a skipped beat . They moved in a way that could create heat as quickly as striking a match . But new hands are so unexpected . Almost as though they are in a foreign country . These new hands have not learned the language yet . The language that the old hands spoke fluently . They do not know the cities , the towns or the roads yet . They are just getting to know them . They are still exploring . Instead of moving with purpose , they move with curiosity , excitement and delight . The new hands move faster . And they stumble because they do not yet know the contours of my body like the hold hands did . I realize that I am truly in a whole new place . Physically . Mentally . There is a sense of confusion as I expect one thing to happen and yet something completely different takes place . I expect a zig , but I feel a zag . I expect his kiss to be firmer , but it is softer . I expect his hands to be warmer but they are cooler and I expect them to be larger , but they are smaller . And with new hands comes a new mouth . This too is strange . Full lips , but a differently shaped tongue . The kiss is not a concert , but more of a warm up . I know what I want . I know what I want to happen , my mouth and lips are telling his what to do , but they do not listen . They have a mind of their own . As they explore the new terrain that is my body , I realize that I am thinking instead of feeling . Do I want these hands and this mouth ? Do I like excitement or fervor ? Do I want passion or delight ? Do I prefer intensity or curiosity ? Do I like the way they stroke my breasts ? Do I respond to the texture of their skin against mine ? Have you noticed that when you are with the right person , your bodies fit together perfectly ? As though they were made for each other ? You can try so many other bodies , and for a night or even a week , they will do , but it isn 't that perfect fit . You may even realize that don 't want anything that doesn 't fit just right . Without that fit , there is less passion , less intensity , and less interest . With the right body , you realize that not only will your mouths move in concert and your hands will feel just right , but that you will move in ways that are so unique , they cannot be duplicated . A heat is created , a rhythm is developed . It has its own mark . And just like that , I know that these are not the right hands for me . I want different hands . And since the old hands are gone , I will keep looking for a new pair . I will never find an exact match . They are all one of a kind . But next time , they will be a better fit . Next time , they won 't feel " new " . Next time , I won 't think . This may be hard for you to read , to take in , or to feel , but that 's ok . You may not believe me . You may not agree . You may not even understand . And that 's ok too . But this is something that I am as sure of as the sky is blue . The love that you see you in me ? The giving , loving , generous and kind heart that you tell me I have ? That is you . It is a reflection of you . You run so deeply , you have so much love to give , but it scares you . You don 't want to let it out , give it away or let anyone else have it because the one person that you gave it to , the person that you allowed it to flow freely with , died . He left you all alone and it hurt so badly , you never wanted to feel that way ever again . You never wanted to feel that kind of pain . So you locked down , you covered it up . You buried the love and the pain all at the same time . But when you met me , you saw something familiar . There was a connection because we are alike . I have had the same kind of pain and hurt , but I was forced to face it head on . I had buried mine . Deep down inside of me I put my love and my pain in a place where even I couldn 't find it . But then , something happened . I met a person that was so loving . So tender , and so kind , it opened me up . Slowly , so very , very slowly , the love I had buried started to bubble to the surface and then came spewing out . I did what I could to control it because I felt that I was losing myself . It was as if the more love I felt , the less I knew who I was and it scared me so much . So it ebbed and flowed . I fought it . And then I would lose . When I felt that love and it was returned , it was so scary , I hated it . And then I would reel it back in again , afraid that I was losing myself . Afraid that I was losing control . And then he died . And when he left , I felt such immeasurable pain , that I too wanted to die . I did not want to live without him . I could not survive without him . And along with all of that pain that came up from the place I hidden from myself , came all the love as well . All at the same time . And I cried and I cried and I cried and I cried and cried and cried and cried . I cried for myself and my loss from the past and the present . I cried for my own pain and my fear and my loneliness . I cried for him because he left the world in so much pain . And I just kept crying until I couldn 't cry anymore . And then I felt nothing . I felt dead inside . I became numb . And then I became scared . Scared to ever have to feel that kind of pain again . And I spent a long time being scared . So afraid and so alone . And I did things that were self destructive all the while struggling to maintain control and fight the pain . And then one day , something unexpected and extraordinary happened . I met this person . So unique , so odd , so new , so different , so safe , so scary , so caring , so loving , so much of everything wonderful . And that person was you . I was terrified . I was so afraid of being hurt again . I was positive that I could not love and I was even more positive that I could not survive the pain of losing that love . And so again , I fought and fought and fought , but it came out , I couldn 't stop it . All this love along with all my fears . I tried to keep them at bay , but they wouldn 't stay away . So I let my fears take over , let them feed my imagination so I wouldn 't have to feel love . But it fought me and lost many , many times . And then one day I found myself not only in love with you , but full of love for you . And I could feel yours for me . It was so rich and full and strong . Not just romantic love . It was deeper . But my love was out of control as it grew and grew and grew . And it saw you . It saw your pain . It saw your flaws . It saw all of your love that deep and thick and cool and wide like a river , but it was underground . In a dark , cool cave . And above that cave , was heat and fire and red all around . And the more I loved you , the less I was able to find that river . The less I was allowed to swim in its coolness and feel its rush over my body . Fewer and fewer times was I let in . But more and more I could feel the fire and see the red , until I wasn 't allowed to see the river at all . And then I lost you . And I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried until I was sick . And then I cried more because I loved you so much and you could not love me back . Not the way I wanted you to . Not the way I knew that you could . And it the pain was unbearable . I did not think I could do it again . I did not want to do it again , but I had no choice but to feel . You had brought it all back up for me and there was no turning back for me . But I realized that I didn 't want to turn back . That I could survive the pain because I had done it before . I would do it again . And so I did . And it was awful . But it wasn 't forever . And it ebbed and flowed . The pain . And the love . But I decided that no longer would I try to control it . I had to let go . And as I did , I found more love coming into my life from all different and unexpected directions . And so I went with it . I let it in . and my heart stayed open . It didn 't shut down . I didn 't break . I did not die . I survived and still felt love . And so for you , I still feel this love . And I feel it from you too . And I didn 't lose you . You lost you . But I still see you . I know where you are . I have stood back and watched . And from my viewpoint , I see you so clearly . I see who you are and who you are fighting not to be . I see what you are so afraid of and why you are so confused . I know what you want , even though you do not . And I know what you need , even though you may not like it . But it is not my place to say . You have not asked for my help . And so I watch you as you move through your life , as best you know how , trying to navigate through a world filled with emotion and feeling and not quite knowing how to handle it all and being so overwhelmed . Fighting to keep that deep , cool river as far below as possible so that no one can see it , no one can swim in it and enjoy it . Not even you . It is too scary , that river . So much so that you don 't even want to acknowledge its existence . You prefer the heat and the fire . You know it can protect you . You know it can keep everything and everyone at bay . It is safe . If ever you need some light to help you find your way , I am here . If ever you feel safe enough to , you can ask . It does not need to be complicated . It does not need to be any more or any less than exactly what you have asked for . Because as much as love can clutter and muddle and confuse us all , it can also be that driving force that gives us clarity and generosity of light to help those we deeply care about . I have to say it aloud . I have to write it because I have to accept it . It hurts to admit . I miss him . I miss him more than I thought I did . More than I was willing to admit to myself . It hurts to know it . And it hurts to know that he doesn 't feel the same . It hurts to accept that someone you love and loved , has not felt the loss of you . Has not missed you . It hurts to know that you loved someone so much more than they loved you . I 've done it twice now . Loved more . Perhaps loved too much . But this time around , I was trying to stay aware . I was trying to not let it happen again . Not get sucked in . I was swept off my feet instead . Even now , I love him , but it isn 't returned . It 's a bitter pill to swallow . I begin to wonder why he didn 't love me the same way . And I wonder how he was able to stop it so easily . But I know the answer . I was the new shiny penny . Or maybe the life raft . Maybe I was both . He said he had never met anyone like me . He told me that he loved me and that he trusted me more than almost anyone . Sometimes he even said he trusted me more than anyone in his life . He needed something new . Something to take him from there to here . I was that something . He used me , although I believe he did not do it maliciously . But I don 't believe he ever loved me . I think he only thought he did . I am certain that he loved the idea of me . The new shiny penny . I was an entire new species to him . He was amazed . He needed me to get out . He couldn 't do it alone . But now he can . He got what he needed . He is no longer in need of a raft and I have lost my shine . No longer new , I am just currency . For me , love is like a fountain . Unable to turn it off . No control over its flow . But then again , I love easily . I love a great deal . I have to wonder why I would love someone who so clearly doesn 't love me in return . Why would I want such a person in my life ? It isn 't pretty . I loved him enough to set him free . To unshackle him . To let him fly . Such an excruciating yet loving act . Deep , deep down , I knew he no longer loved me . I think he did not even like me very much . It is hard to accept . It 's hard to learn that someone you love does not even like you . That they started out loving you , but as they get to know you , start to dislike you . It is heartbreaking . My second worse fear came true . If someone sees or knows the real me , then they will leave . The good news is , it has happened . There is freedom from fear in that knowledge . This is twice now . Rejection . By the only two men I 've loved . I gave everything I had to both . But it was either not enough or too much . Whichever it was , in the end , it doesn 't matter . But I must take responsibility for my role . I was not a victim . I did things that made him not like me , not love me . I am aware of most all of these things . The sting comes from him being just as flawed , but I loved him anyway . This is my perception . Through a kaleidoscopic filter of feelings , experiences , past hurts , losses , fears , worries , and insecurities . No emotion is pure . Nothing is fully clear . I only have my own truth . I do not know his . I have never experienced this kind of rejection . I do not plan to experience it ever again . Now I am aware . More aware than I have ever been . I will never experience it again because it will never come my way . I had my lesson . I learned . Bittersweet , but necessary . Ugly , but true . But I know that everything will be OK . I believe this with all my heart . Love will come again . But this time , it will be different . This time , it will be returned . And this time , I will revel in it . Because this time , I will not be the only one to recognize its preciousness , its rarity , and its power . It takes courage to love . It takes courage to face your fears . It takes courage to change . It takes courage to resist changing the things we have no control over . It takes courage to accept our limitations and to embrace our talents . It takes courage to see the flaws in ourselves and to love ourselves in spite of it . And yet even more courage to change them . It takes courage to take ourselves on . It takes courage to see what our loved ones see . To listen to what they are telling us and then to see it in ourselves . And it takes courage to pay attention to it all , but also to trust that it is for our own good . It is scary and terrifying and lonely to face ourselves . It feels like we are the only ones in the world that feel the way we do because we don 't know why we feel the way we do . Why we do what we do . It takes courage to be alone . And it takes courage to be with someone . It takes courage to risk and courage to have faith . It takes courage to step out of our skin , to move away from our self imposed safety blankets and venture further out of ourselves . The world can seem so scary , cold and lonely . We all need someone . But it takes courage to realize and know that we can 't get through it all alone . We need each other and it takes strength and courage to accept this because it 's so hard to trust . Harder than we realize until we are truly tested . It is so hard to trust ourselves , how could we easily trust another ? It takes courage to see this . To believe this . To accept this . We say we don 't want to be alone , but when we realize what it takes to be with someone else , we lose our courage . We become so afraid of so many , many things . Fear of losing them , fear of being hurt , fear of things that have nothing to do with them , but with our pasts . Being with them forces our pasts to rise to the surface . It takes so much courage to stay with someone . The right someone . If you have the courage , you will let them show you what you don 't want to see , whether they mean to or not . If we are alone , there is no one to shPosted by He wrote to me . It was a thank you note . So cold . So formal . So distant . Like an ice cycle had been driven through my heart , turning it into a gaping wound , bleeding uncontrollably . It was as though I was hemorrhaging internally . Blood filling the cavity that is my body . I was drowning in my own blood as it began to seep out of my mouth , ears , eyes , and nostrils . It was as though we had no past . As though there was nothing between us but air . I see now that I feel so differently than he does . I loved him so much , that I set him free . He was unhappy with me . I loved him enough to let him go , give him what he wanted , even though it would cause me great pain . And it did . It does . But for him , it seems , there is no pain . It is as though I was never a part of his life . As though I never existed for him . As though I had no impact on him . And this is something that is nearly impossible for me to reconcile . My mind cannot understand it and my heart does not want to accept it . He made such a difference in my life . Why did I not make a difference in his ? This is something that I will have to accept , even though I will never understand . I know now that there will be no closure . I will need to create my own . Just as I did the time before . Once , he thought I was telling him that I never wanted to have contact with him again . His response was that he was sad , but that he understood . That was all . That was all he said . All he felt . All he seemed to care . I have started to feel as though I have no value . If someone can stamp me out of their life so quickly and easily , then I must not be much of anything . But I know this is not true . Others have loved me as I have loved them . This does not mean I have no value . I do not have to hemorrhage . I do not have to drown because my love is not reciprocated . But I know I am naive . I have to remember this the next time around . I have to learn to not give my heart away so quickly . There are lessons to be learned . But I can determine my own value . I can decide who I let into my life . I can saPosted by I have realized that so many of us have different definitions and ideas about love . For me , love is showing your true colors and allowing your loved one to show theirs . It is accepting flaws and beauty . It is patience and fairness . It is the recognition of something extraordinary and the appreciation and understanding that it doesn 't happen every day . It is being afraid , but knowing you are not alone . It is putting yourself in their shoes when you can 't quite understand where they are coming from . It is knowing that there is always someone out there that loves you and is on your side . Someone you can count on , not matter what . Love is revealing everything about yourself , no matter how embarrassed or ashamed you may be and allowing the same for them , without judgment . It is trusting them and feeling safe , but also working your way back when you find that you don 't . They are still the person you want to spend time with above any other . They are the one with whom you want to share all the little , unimportant things with that you know only they will appreciate or get . And they are the one that can understand you , when no one else can . Love is never leading you astray and always remaining honest and true . Always telling you the truth , whether you want to hear it or not , because it is the best thing for you . And you know you can count on your true love to give you what you need . And with all that , they can still make your heart flutter , your knees go weak , your pulse quicken , and be the one you find yourself watching across a crowded room . Love can drive you crazy . It can make you angry and make you sad . It can confuse you , bend your mind , and drive you mad . It can make you do things you never thought you would or could do . But in the end , I will always love love . He was there and then he wasn 't . Or maybe he was always there , and I just didn 't see him . But then he went way so fast . He didn 't even say goodbye . He didn 't ask for my consent . Now he is just a whisper . I am in denial . I am in shock . I never thought it could come to this . Where there is love , it isn 't always enough . But when there is respect , honesty , trust , friendship , loyalty as well as love , then it should be OK . I want it to be OK . I guess it isn 't . It can 't always be . There are no assurances in life . No assurances in love . I am sick . It feels like a disease is ravaging my body . It hurts so much that my mind won 't let it come all the way to the surface . I can 't feel it all now . I don 't want to . I can 't handle it . It 's too much . I see what he sees . I need him to see what I see as well . But he cannot or will not . I don 't know which and I don 't know why . Is there really anything new to say ? Is it really anything surprising ? Once I had room , I could think . Once I wasn 't seeing him , I could see him . And the clarity with which I saw was like a magnifying glass . But what I saw was devastating . I knew it was there . I knew it all along , but I found reasons for it . I found explanations . They still hold true . They were not lies to cover up the truth , but they were lies for me to stay . I minimized . I reasoned . I understood . I put myself to the side . I did it to avoid pain . I had seen it from the beginning , as clear as day . As though I was looking into a crystal ball . And yet he convinced me otherwise . He convinced me to let my fears go and to jump in with both feet . He distracted me . He knew what I needed to hear . He was selfish in his pursuit of me , but I thought that would end . I had no idea how selfish he could be . But I do now . Yet I know that he is not truly selfish . It 's a defense mechanism . It is self preservation for him . It is a way to keep himself safe from emotional pain . It is a way to avoid being hurt . He is so sensitive ; he is so protective of his heart . But look at me , I am doPosted by No matter what anyone says , you are perfect just as you are . There is no one on earth like you . It is through acts of love that have shaped you and made you uniquely you . No one can contribute to the world in the same way . Spread those acts through the spectrum of your perfect mind . Through your perfect imagination . Spread those acts of love through love . Be you just by being . This is the most loving act you can commit to those that love you . For those that do not love you , it is only because they do not yet know you . I love you because you are stubborn as a mule , hard headed as a rock and have the heart of a lion . I love you because you accept me . All of me . Without judgment . I love you because of your generosity of heart , your kindness , and your loyalty . I love you because you bring me coffee in bed and can make it to my liking better than I can . I love you in spite of how different we are from one another . I love you because you have opened my eyes , my heart and my mind . You have been a gift to me . I love you because you always , always , always , greet me with a smile . No matter how you feel . No matter what kind of day you have had . I love you because you allow me to love you . I love you because you see the world as a glass half full and yours for the taking . I love you in spite of your jealousy . I love you because of your crystal clear , intelligent eyes that sparkle when you are happy and darken when you are not . I love you because of your sense of humor , whether it 's that of a five year old boy or a 40 year old man . I love you in spite of your brooding . I love you because the sound of your voice is like home to me . I love you because you have given me more than you will ever know . More than I could ever aptly express . I love you because with you I am fully " me " and you are fully " you " . I love you in spite of you loving me . I love you because you are you . I see him there . In the middle of nowhere . I don 't know where we are . There is nothing for miles and miles . No roads , no electrical lines . Nothing . Complete desolation . There is only the two of us . Engulfed by silence , except for the occasional screeching and howling of the wind . He is a brick tower . Tall . So very tall and squared off . When I look up from the ground I have to shade my eyes from the sun only to catch a glimpse of the top . Solid . Strong . Like a fortress . Implacable . There are no windows . Oddly , there is a door . Yet this does not surprise me . I have always seen him this way . Encircled by a metal fence , open but empty grounds surround him . There is no vegetation . Only dust that is carelessly and casually kicked up by gusts of wind . We are separated by this fence , he and I . It is an electrical fence , and it is from behind the fence that I watch him . I cannot tell if the fence is to keep people out or to keep people in . I think it is both . It feels like both . I do not know what is taking place inside the tower because no one ever enters and no one ever exits . If I were merely a passerby , I would think it vacant , but for some strange reason , I know that it is not . It is this knowing that keeps me there . Staring . Waiting . I stand there outside the fence , watching the door . Sometimes with curiosity . Sometimes with desperation . It reminds me of a prison . Although I know that it is an electric fence , I know I will not be hurt . So I lean against it and it is so very , very cold . The cold feels good on my skin . I press my cheek hard up against it so that it will make an imprint on my face . I feel so numb , but if I press my cheek hard enough , I think I will feel something . I want to feel something . I need to feel something . ANYTHING , ANYTHING , ANYTHING ! But then something inside me changes . I begin to feel tension growing in my body . Agitated energy . But it is something and I will take it . I take hold of the grates and shake the fence with everything that I have . I scream at the top of my lungs and from a place insPosted by |
As it is summer and the college students are out of town , the local media need to have something to focus on . Their choice this summer : a used bookstore / cafe was being kicked out of its location because the owner had problems paying her lease . Her plight was immediately championed by her customers who were holding fundraisers and letter - writing campaigns to save the business . Frankly , when I heard the news , I wasn 't surprised . Now , I love bookstores and I love cafes in bookstores , and I 'm the kind of customer bookstore / cafe owners love - - I rarely leave without buying a book . But I thought this was one of the most unfriendly places in town . The people who 'd sit outside for hours drinking coffee were a little scary . Getting waited on inside was nearly impossible if you weren 't a regular ( and I heard stories from enough people who said they waited at the counter - - not in line but right at the counter - - for 10 - 15 minutes before getting someone to even acknowledge them ) . The set - up of the tables wasn 't conducive to working with any kind of privacy . And the worst part was the way tables and chairs were set up in the stacks of books meant to be bought . The few times lately I 've gone in there to look for a hard - to - find , out - of - print book , I was blocked by someone having coffee and on a computer in front of a whole bookcase . It was very awkward . Based on letters and comments on websites , I 'm not the only one who had this reaction to the store . A friend , knowing how much I love bookstores , was surprised when I said I didn 't shop there and didn 't care one way or the other . She said , " I thought you 'd be someone who supports local businesses . " Last week at our book group meeting , my friend announced that she bought the book at used bookstore at its going out of business sale , everything half off . " I bought it for $ 5 , " she said . Which meant it was selling for $ 10 , normally . I bought a new copy via an online bookstore for $ 10 , no shipping costs . While I wasn 't supporting the local store , I was supporting the author . And there iPosted by I used to like flying . Not so much anymore for all the reasons other people don 't like flying - - the hassles of TSA and the dumb changes in the airlines and the packed planes . On the flights I took this past week , though , I am adding another reason to the list : passengers who are above following directions . Every plane was packed full . Before you got on board , it was announced to please PLEASE put small bags under the seat to save on bin space . The flight attendants kept reminding passengers to do that when people were going to their seat . Yeah , I 'm sure you can figure it out . Those requests and directions are for other people , not the special people on my planes . Well , call me cranky , but I was in no mood to put up with the special people . My carry on suitcase is small and fits nicely into the bin . My bag with books , etc . fits perfectly under the seat . But I couldn 't fit my suitcase into the bin because some moron had put his tiny backpack , maybe filled with some extra underwear and toothpaste , into the bin . Like I said , I was cranky . I pulled it out and asked who it belonged to . A 60something man in a jacket and nice pants turned around . I asked if there was room under the seat for it . He scowled and said yes . I tossed it to him and said , " You were asked to put it there in the first place so we could all have access to the bins . " He gave me the hairy eyeball , but I gave it right back to him . The flight attendant smiled at me . My seatmate whispered , " Good for you . " Hell , the guy had so little in that backpack that it would have fit on top of my suitcase with ease . Had I not said something , the flight attendant would have . It may have been the first time where I saw flight attendants taking backpacks , purses , and the like out of the bins and telling the owner to put it under the seat . On one of the flights home , the people sharing the row with me put their suitcases in sideways , taking up twice the space , because they were a ) stuffed too full and b ) stuck . I told the gentleman ( using the term loosely ) that he needed Posted by Let it be noted that I am NOT a fan of Oprah . Don 't watch her , don 't pay any particular attention to what she says . But yesterday at the gym , I forgot to take a magazine , so I went to the cardio room 's magazine rack . It looks like a doctor 's office - - a bunch of magazines , most of them old and beat up . The only one I hadn 't read was Oprah 's ( well , it was between that and a magazine about hunting and guns , and it was a tough choice ) . O won because I was intrigued by her summer reading recommendations . I 'm always curious to see what books get highlighted ( rarely anything I would read ) . As I said I 'm not a fan of the Goddess of Lake Michigan , I don 't pay much attention to her book club . If I pick up something with the sticker on it , it is because I like the author or had wanted to read the book on its own merits . The only time I read a book because someone tells me to is for my own book group or for English classes . But it 's no secret her picks become super best sellers . I can 't tell you , though , how many times someone has read one of the picks but said , " I really couldn 't stand the book , but I must be wrong . " So I get to this article on recommended summer books , and in the very first paragraph the writer tells the reader that everybody has different tastes in books and that 's okay ! I laughed out loud right there on the treadmill . For years , Oprah has touted her favorite books like the Pied Piper and the rats , I mean the audience , lined up to buy it . Because if Oprah says it is good , it is good . ( Now I think it would have been more interesting if a random audience member was allowed to pick the next book . ) The author of the article is right , of course . We should all embrace our reading differences . No problem in trying something new but life is too short to waste it on something you don 't think you 'll like . Although I may take up one of the suggestions . Dombey and Son by Charles Dickens . It 's been on my shelf forever and it 's about time I read some Dickens again . Or maybe I 'll read Bleak House . Or Nicholas Nickleby . OPosted by To say the past year has been bleak is an understatement . I 'd market my little heart out with little to show for it besides a mailbox filled with " no freelance budget now " responses . But on this latest query challenge , I 'm getting positive responses . Maybe my marketing techniques are a little different , but I 've been getting good vibes from my old methods . This can only be good signs for the writing industry - - right ? Today is the first day of the summer query challenge . For 8 weeks , I , along with dozens of my fellow writers , will ramp up our marketing efforts to improve our client base . I admit , marketing is my least favorite part of the job , but it is the most essential if I want to continue putting food on the table . The query challenge helps me focus on the marketing . I found many of my best clients through the challenge in years past . Who will be my next best clients ? I 'm not the type of person whose life revolves around my pet . I would never in a million years take my dog to work ( well , if I worked in an office with other people ) or to the ballpark ( Bark at the Park may be baseball 's stupidiest innovation yet , and that 's saying a lot ) or shopping or all of the other places people insist on taking their pets . I was not my dog 's mommy ; the dog was not my child . But this week has been an adjustment as I try to get used to this new life without her in the house . 17 years is a long time . Over the past five years I worked at home , we had our routines . One of the routines was putting her outside for a few minutes before an interview and then letting her back in before I got on the phone . I had interviews scheduled on Monday , and both times , I went out to the kitchen to let the dog out . Except she wasn 't there . I still take a giant step over the spot on the floor where she 'd sleep . It will get easier and the routine will shake itself out . But this has been a long , hard week . I love sports . That 's putting it mildly . Last night I was watching the 3rd game in the Stanley Cup finals when I got a text on my phone . My son , who was watching the game at a sports bar / restaurant , wanted to let me know that a Detroit Tigers pitcher had taken a perfect game through the 8th inning . Perfect games are rare - - only 20 in all over the 120 + years of major league baseball . Yet perfect game # 19 came on Mother 's Day and perfect game # 20 came on May 29 . That in itself is unuaual . Two in one year ? And now we were 3 outs away from 3 perfect games in less than a month . I flipped from the hockey game to MLB Network ( greatest network ever ) to watch the 9th inning . First batter , a solidly hit ball that was heading for the gap , surely a double until the center fielder came out of nowhere and caught it . Second batter , ground ball to an infielder , easy out . Third batter , ground ball to the gray area between the first and second basemen . First baseman fields it . Pitcher is cover the bag . He beats the runner . Out . Perfect Game ! Except the only person who didn 't see an out was the person who counted . The umpire . Who for reasons totally unknown called the runner safe . This wasn 't a bang - bang play where the call could have gone either way . This was obviously an out . The umpire blew it . The pitcher got the next batter out , game over , 1 hit shut out , pretty impressive . Except the Tiger personnel went ballistic on the umpire . Everyone but the pitcher who had a bemused smile on his face . Later , the umpire saw the replay , saw what he did , and apologized , in tears , to the pitcher . Baseball fans everywhere cried out that the call should be overturned . I 'm a baseball purist - - hate the DH , hate interleague , hate the goofy softball shirts teams wear on Sundays , not a fan of instant replay - - and I thought it should be overturned . The call didn 't change the outcome of the game . That 's the important thing and I 'll repeat it . The call didn 't change the outcome of the game . But Bud Selig , worst commissioner ever , said no , call standPosted by I thought I was losing my office staff this morning . My dog , who spends her days in my office with me , woke up in a pool of blood . She 's 17 , awfully old for a dog . The husband took her to the vet because I couldn 't bear the idea of having to put her down . She 's too old to take any real drastic measures , you know ? I didn 't expect to ever see her again . But there she was , running across the kitchen floor for the door to go outside . She has a gum problem , which caused the bleeding . She needs some medical care , but the vets said for such an old dog , despite being blind and having back legs that don 't work so well any more , she 's surprisingly healthy and there was no reason to put her to sleep . So she 's back to her position on the office floor , snoring away . And I couldn 't be happier to share my office . I never thought I 'd have anything in common with Rachel Maddow besides some shared political ideology . But last night , I recognized the woman project manager she interviewed at the new World Trade Center construction . I interviewed the same woman 9 years ago about her experience of being on the site when the first plane hit the towers . I loved her Nittany Lion logo on her hard hat , too . Today was one of those days I was thrilled to work at home . I slept in a little later than usual because I needed the sleep . The temps got into the 80s . I wore a tank top and shorts and didn 't have to worry about freezing in air conditioning . At lunchtime , I went outside and found ripe strawberries in the backyard patch , so I had an unexpected treat today . In the afternoon , I took a glass of peach tea and my notebook and sat at the picnic table to do some writing . In the evening , I took advantage of an empty house to write up two IT blog posts that are actually due for tomorrow and Monday , clearing my work calendar so I can take the day off . The day off is spur of the moment . I didn 't need to get anyone 's permission to do it . One last task , to finish an article that has stymied me for a week . I have a glass of wine , hoping that unblocks my brain . I love being a writer in the summer . I love working for myself all the time . No way I could have had my day 5 years ago , when I worked in an office . I admit right up front that what I 've experienced isn 't even close to what other writers have experienced . Like my friend , who , for an assignment , went on a bourbon tasting tour or got to tour the new large cruise ships . But one of the most beautiful things about life as a writer is that no two days are the same . Heck , no two hours are the same . Like today , I interviewed two people for the same article but got very different responses , wrote a blog on security issues in Google applications , and worked on my volleyball story . Tomorrow will be totally different . Plus there are chances to do real cool things . I 've gone on some conferences , including a cruise to the Bahamas , which allowed me to visit places I 've never visited before . Last week , I got to meet a former NFL player from the old Colts and talk to some coaches I really admire . On Saturday I went to a party and was able to talk about baseball , wind turbines , sustainable construction practices , religion , and the history of a local brewery , all because I wrote about these things in the past - - and trust me , it freaks people out when you can flip from wind turbines to beer without blinking an eye . I couldn 't imagine having to go to a regular job where I do the same thing day in , day out anymore . Always exciting news to announce . My book , 29 Things to Know about Catholicism , is now listed as " In Stock " on Amazon and other book seller sites . It 's a handy guide for folks who would like to know more about the Catholic faith - - especially good for anyone who has Catholic friends and family and wonders " why do they do that ? " The best part - - this purse - sized book is only $ 10 ! I have a Facebook fan page set up for the book . Feel free to join . Full social schedule this weekend . Pleasant morning has turned ugly and cold . I 'd like to watch hockey and baseball , but I 'm not sure how much that will all fit into today 's plans otherwise . In any case , I 'm taking today off from work . Enjoy your Saturday , all . From the time I started freelancing , my goal was to be successful enough to have my membership application to ASJA approved . In general , I think I 'm fairly successful . I have work . I have lots of repeat clients . What I don 't have are the " glamour " publications to my credit . Mostly I write for trades , not consumer pubs . It is rare when you 'll find a magazine with my name on it on your newstand . But in the fall , I got a second book contract , and my credits began to increase . My writing pal encouraged me to hold my nose and jump in the deep end - - send my application . Word came back today : congratulations , you 're in ! I finally feel like I 'm an honest to goodness real professional writer now . Working for myself means I 'm the one who keeps my office supplied with the essentials . Over the years , there are a couple of items I 've purchased that are absolutely essential to keeping my office humming . Of course , I need a computer ( two computers is actually better ) and Internet and a phone . But the number one most important piece of equipment I 've purchased for my office ? My surge protector with the battery back up . We have frequent power outages here - - had one this afternoon . Usually they last 10 seconds or so , just long enough for everything to shut down and need re - set . I can 't tell you how many times I 've been working on my desktop computer when the power went out . In the past , the computer went out and I lost whatever I was working on . With the surge protector battery back up , the computer continues to run for up to 30 minutes , long enough for me to save whatever I 'm working on and safely shut down the computer if need be . The real lifesaver came on the day I was on the phone in the middle of an interview when the power shut off . My phone needs electricity to operate and it is plugged into the surge protector battery back up . I was able to continue my interview until its natural conclusion and the people on the end had no idea anything had happened . And I still had time to shut down my computer properly . My cell phone may be my second most important piece of equipment . It 's my official business number . I don 't use it for interviews or calls I make because I don 't feel it is comfortable to do interviews on that phone . However , I don 't like to give out my office landline because I work from my house . Because of the topics I cover , the vast majority of my interview sources and contacts are based on the west coast . I 'm on the east coast . I 've had my office landline ring at 11 pm because a west coast source had time to return a call to me at 8 pm his time and didn 't think twice about it . I 've had sources call on weekends . It 's hard enough to have boundaries when you work at home . Phone calls during off hours Posted by That 's what happened today . More writing than I expected . More writing to be done that will be done tomorrow . Sometimes you have to put other things first , and that 's what happened this evening . This is swap day in the Blogathon , where people will write posts for other blogger participants . Well , in my busyness and a sudden trip out of town , I completely forgot about it . So I 'm going to shake things up and talk about something other than writing . Something important to my life . The Pennsylvania primaries . Today is primary day . If you follow national political news ( and I admit to being quite a political junkie ) , I 'd like to explain a few things to you that the national media are going to get totally wrong , both today and in November . In Pennsylvania , you can only vote your party during the primary - - something I totally agree with , by the way . I don 't like candidates who cross file ( and rarely do I vote for any cross filer - - pick a damn party and stick with it . Don 't be so wishy washy is my attitude ) . There are many reasons people why align with a party , and we should get to say who represents us - - not people from another party . If Arlen Specter loses , the headline will be " anti - incumbent mood strikes again . " Or something like that . Maybe for some voting people , but the Specter issue is more complicated than that . I honestly believe he would have won the Republican primary had he stayed Republican . Democrats are more wary about his switch . Most folks liked that he was an independent - minded cuss in the Senate . And remember , the independents can 't vote in the primary - - so what is most likely his biggest voting bloc won 't be able to vote for him . However , the majority of people I spoke with have said the same thing : Arlen is the better candidate but his age and health concerns me . A lot . While it is true a 58 year old man can drop dead of a heart attack or get run over by a semi , an 80yo man with serious health problems who looked very VERY frail when we saw him recently at a PA Turnpike rest stop , there are a lot of concerns about his ability to survive 6 more years . Then there is Jack Murtha 's seat , which isn 't my district but damn near close enough . I 've read some articles on how this special election coPosted by Tomorrow I have interviews scheduled for one of the biggest assignments in my life . And I 'm nervous . I kind of know how this article is going to go - - now it is a matter of asking the right questions and making sure I don 't sound like an idiot . I 'm an old - fashioned sort . I really do prefer writing by hand . I don 't as much as I used to , simply because it is easier to type directly to the computer . Actually , as I think of it , it may be less old - fashionedness but the feel of the pen between my fingers and the way pen point feels against the paper . That feeling goes beyond writing , of course . It 's why the chances of you ever finding me reading books on a Kindle or iPad are near zero ( I hate to say never about anything , because you never know if someone will own one of those devices and will show me something on a " page " but I am pretty sure I 'll never own a Kindle and I 'm damn near positive I 'll never own an iPad or anything by Apple - - hm , that may be a post for another day ) . I like the way a book feels in my hand . I like the way a magazine feels in my hand . When I want to make a change on the computer screen , I hit the backspace button or delete and away go the wrong words , in come new ones . On paper I scribble out the words . It feels good . But I don 't scribble so hard that I can 't read the words because I might change my mind and want to bring them back . It 's much harder to do that on a screen . Because I like to write by hand , I have a lot of pens . A LOT of pens . Throughout my house there are old mugs stuffed to the hilt with pens and pencils of all sorts . Next to my favorite chair in the library , there are three cups of pens . I don 't know why , but there are , and it is a good thing because I never know what pen will feel right at the moment . I use good old Cristal Bics , blue , for most things , like when scribbling notes during an interview and often when writing letters . But when I 'm trying to squeeze a thought out of my head and I 'm seriously blocked , I 'll use a variety of pens and / or pencils , print and / or cursive , until the words start to flow . So yes there really is a perfect pen . I just don 't know what it is until I use it . It 's been that kind of week . I am more than ready for the weekend . Normally I like to start my weekends around 2 - 3 pm on Friday , especially when the weather is warm . This is one of those beautiful things about working for myself , but there are days like today , when an interview I absolutely had to do this week asks to schedule at 4 pm Friday afternoon , plus a few other unexpected things added to the schedule . And it figures , it is the first nice day we had all week . But I am done now and a cold adult beverage has my name on it . Every year , my local AAUW chapter has a used book sale for its fundraiser . The sale brings in over $ 100 , 000 a year , most of which goes back into our community to support things like the local women 's shelter , libraries , and daycare for children of low - income families . The books are donated by community members ; this year we had over 250 , 000 books for sale . I 'm a volunteer with the book sale , but I 've also spent thousands of dollars over the past 20 years buying books . For the first 10 - 12 years , the bulk of the books I bought were to build the library of my dreams : literary classics , my president and first lady collection , old school books , and otherwise impossible to find books from my childhood . I 'm missing one book from the Five Little Peppers books to make a complete set , and this year , I landed 3 first edition , original Bobbsey Twins that I didn 't already have . But once those goals were fulfilled , I began to think about more contemporary books . And this is where my used book dilemma kicks in . I used to live in libraries . For a kid like me , who loved to read but owning books was a luxury my family couldn 't really afford - - at least not enough to satisfy my tastes - - the library was my lifeline . The first thing I did when moving into a new town was get a library card . I got books out every week . But as parenthood and a job took over my life , reading time was cut down considerably and I struggled to finish a book during the time I was allowed to have the book checked out ( 2 weeks back in those days ) . I was now building up this great library of books I loved reading , but truth be told , I needed more variety than literary classics , president biographies , and Bobbsey Twins . So at book sale , I began to look more at the general fiction table and I began to experiment with authors I 'd never heard of . And so my attachment to the fiction table began . As did my guilt about buying used copies of books that are still on store shelves and still can generate royalties for authors . I bought 3 copies of a book , all in beautifulPosted by I 've been thoroughly amused by the comments left on my Facebook page today . It is a good example on how writers view life - - or at least anything that has to do with magazines - - as opposed to non - writers . For some background , I reached another one of those " bucket list " moments as a writer . One item was to have a book published - - checked that off in 2006 and will be doing it a second time later this month . Another item is hearing " let 's do it " as a response to a pitch from my dream market . That 's what happened this week . As you can imagine , I 'm excited . So I posted on my FB status : " Dream publication said yes . " My writer friends got it straight off . A couple of my non - writer friends go it , too , but these are people who have writing tendencies and / or know me pretty well to figure out what I was saying . My non - writing friends , however , seemed confused , not sure why dream publication would be saying anything to me . And it never dawned on me that anyone wouldn 't understand what I meant . Because I think like a writer , and when a writer says the name of a magazine and the word " yes " in the same sentence , it means there was an assignment involved . I love reading , especially fiction and political biographies . One of my personal rules when it comes to biographies , I try to read at least two on a given subject because even the best writers are subjective and that leads to different sets of " facts . " Some of the information in a book is flat out incorrect , but sometimes you can 't tell that until you read multiple works , but mostly it is a matter of what is revealed versus what isn 't revealed . For example , my favorite president is Theodore Roosevelt and I 've read at least 20 books on his life . I 've read authors who have TR as a near diety ; I 've read authors who think he is the antichrist . The facts themselves aren 't wrong , but the authors are sharing their perceptions of the facts . But there are some things that are unforgivable . Like the time I began reading an anthology on First Ladies and the author stated that Jackie Kennedy was our youngest first lady . That 's flat out incorrect and after that , I had no trust in the author and I tossed aside the book . ( Actually , I banished the book from my house . ) Fact , or lack there of , in fiction is my real peeve . My book discussion group thinks that I 'm too anal about it , but honestly , the smaller the issue , the more it bothers me . For example , the novel I 'm reading right now has a character who is on the evening news . The story itself takes place near Chicago , in Central Time . So when the character says something about watching her broadcast , which is over by 11 : 03 pm , I paused . Now , I live on the east coast ( as does the book 's author ) , but every time I 've been to Chicago or in Central Time , the evening news came on at 10 pm , following the network shows . Unless that changed since the last time I was in the midwest , that 's an easy little fact that somebody could have caught - - enough of a fact issue that it made me pause and go " huh ? " I hate that in novels . I recently read a book that was written by a famous , prolific novelist , a book group read . The book takes place , in part , in my town and mostly in areas that I 'm fairlyPosted by Today is the 1st group blog for the Blogathon - - a list of our favorite blogs . But I have a sad confession . I don 't really have favorite blogs . I have some links on this site , that 's true , but I posted those links a long time ago and I sporadically check them . I read blogs based on recommendation more than anything . But I 'm very random about the way I read blogs . Usually I follow a link from Twitter or Facebook because the particular topic interests me . But hey , you never know when a blog will come about and become my daily addiction . Will it be yours ? I heard a rumor that today is some particular day on the calendar , but to me , it is just another Sunday in May . I went to church , came home to find the Phillies game blacked out so I had to listen via my internet connection , read the newspapers , watched the last 4 innings of the Oakland perfect game . . . well that part wasn 't just another Sunday . I texted with my kid about the ball game , just like I do every Sunday . I like Sundays . My house was volunteered for a party tonight . It was supposed to be a picnic on the back porch . But if these winds keep up and the sky actually comes through on its threat to rain , the picnic will be indoors by the fireplace . Anyway , my time on the computer is limited . I need to clean and prepare some food before anyone shows up . Happy Saturday . I 'm supposed to attend the 20th anniversary celebration of my town 's writing group . I was on the board for a while and was one of the earliest members . I 'm not sure if I 'm going to be asked to speak or anything , but if I do , I 'm going to share this bit of wisdom : The most important virtue for a freelance writer is patience . Oh , I know there are other important qualities needed : the ability to be your own boss and motivate yourself , marketing and networking and interview skills , etc . But I thoroughly belief that impatient people can 't succeed in this business ( Veruca Salt would not be a good freelancer . " But Daddy , I want it NOW ! " ) We send out query letters and letters of introduction and manuscripts , but rarely do editors reply instantly . Sometimes they do , and when they do , we tend to celebrate because it is such a rare thing . Mostly we wait . Hours . Days . Weeks . Months . Years . Sometimes we wait so long we forget that we sent something in the first place . We send something that one editor files away but a new editor finds and likes . Then when we do get an assignment , we wait for contracts and directions ; after the assignment we wait for approval or revisions . Finally , we wait ( and wait ) for the check . Perhaps that 's why content mills are so appealing to many fledgling writers . From what I hear , content mills will accept more quickly than more traditional outlets and pay regularly , even if they don 't pay much . Freelancing is wonderful in so many ways . You can make or break your own destiny . Just don 't expect destiny to be in any hurry to greet you . I 'm settling in to work on a re - write of an article . The Phillies are playing afternoon baseball , so I moved to my satellite office in the family room . It 's a beautiful day , so I 've opened up the patio doors and windows . The wind chimes are tinkling in the breeze . But just as I start to concentrate , everything is drowned out by the roar of a chain saw at a neighbor 's house . Ah yes , the sounds of summer . The time of year when countless phone interviews will require asking the interviewee to speak up because I can 't hear over the sound of the lawn mower next door or tree service across the street . Or as I try to wrap my brain around describing something very technical , someone test driving a motorcycle from the shop down the street goes flying down the road . Don 't get me wrong . I love summer . It is my favorite season . I like when the temps rise and getting fresh air from open windows ( no air conditioning in this house ) . But I could really do without all the noise from power tools . At least one nasty noise has disappeared from the landscape this year . The neighbors with the kids who would stand in their yard and scream bloody murder have moved away . Trust me , they were so bad I would wish for someone to start mowing their lawn ! On Sunday , we were at the local winery and buying some wine . I joked with my husband that I now I had a good supply to get me through work deadlines . One of the winery workers overheard and asked what kind of work I did that I could drink wine . I said , " I 'm a writer . " And she said , " You are not . " I stared at her . Yes , I said , I am . " I don 't believe you , " she said . The person who was checking us out even turned around to look at his co - worker . She shrugged . " A lot of people come in here and say they 're writers , but when I ask them what they write about , they tell me about a novel they started six years ago and never finished . Probably because they drink too much wine . " Now it was my turn to shrug . " That 's them . I 'm a writer . It 's what I do for a living . And sometimes I have writer 's block , so I 'll relax with a glass of wine to help clear my mind . " She leaned over the counter a bit . She was seriously skeptical . I should have left , but it really bugged me that I was being treated as a liar about my own life . " What do you write about ? " I told her . Computer security . Energy . Engineering . ( I wish wine . . . ) I 've published a couple of books . I 'm going to be ghostwriting another . I told her she had my name , feel free to do a Google search . And suddenly she was impressed . I wish this was unusual , but it isn 't . I don 't like to talk about my job much with friends and families ( or strangers for that matter ) and part of the reason is that friends and families ( and strangers ) have little respect for what I do . Just last Friday , when I mentioned to a friend I was going to take the afternoon off , she said , " Yeah , you can do that because you don 't work . " She quickly bit her tongue and said , " I mean you don 't work for a boss . " And so it goes . I 'll go to a family event in a couple of weeks and at least three relatives will make a snide remark about their perceptions of how I spend my day and none of them will have anything to do with actual work . Short of having the skeptics sit on the extra chair in my office to watch me all day ( whPosted by I realized this morning that Saturday was a milestone date in my freelance career . It was 5 years since I left the safety of a full - time job at Penn State and settled in with my laptop on the couch every day . In some ways I was prepared for the moment . I had picked up some freelancing work to do on the side and had a couple of regular assignments , plus sold a few essays , starting a few years earlier . My goal was to build up the freelance work and maybe go to a part - time job while my son was still in high school and college , and then move into full - time freelancing around 2011 . Except I was greeted on January 3 , 2005 , with a meeting with my supervisor to tell me that he had run out of funds and unless a miracle happened ( ie , a huge grant ) , he couldn 't keep me and my office mate past the summer . I half - heartedly began to look for something else on campus while the freelance work picked up . We went on a wedding anniversary trip to Aruba that February and it was on that trip that we began to discuss the realities of a career change . By the end of March , I had some interviews , but I approached them half - heartedly . My supervisor made another visit to my office . He had run out of funds for me . He could keep me through April but that was it . For the first time , I got scared . We finally had a comfortable lifestyle and I didn 't want to go back to scrimping from payday to payday . Because I had a contract through October , I would stay on the University 's employment roll , but was technically on unpaid leave . That way I could continue to look for employment and not lose service time . So on May 1 , I woke up and realized that I didn 't have to answer to anyone but myself , and that I was in total control of my career destiny . I had a nice slate of assignments . The following week , I had a book contract . I liked not having a boss staring over my shoulder and I especially liked not having to endure air conditioning on beautiful spring days . In June I got called for a job interview . I went and looked around the table at the 4 or 5 peoplPosted by There was a writer conversation some weeks ago . . . what would you be doing now if you weren 't writing . My response was that I have no idea because all I ever wanted to be was a writer . Then I thought about it a little more . I seriously never wanted to be anything but a writer my whole life . The type of writer I wanted to be changed every so often . . . I 'd read the teenie bopper magazines and dream about being the person who interviewed those heart throbs . Then I wanted to be an investigative reporter and eventually move to broadcast news - - Barbara Walters was my hero back then , when she became the first woman anchor ( yeah , even as a kid I was a news junkie ) . Then I wanted to write sports , especially for Sports Illustrated . ( Still would like that to happen . ) But every so often there would be some other things I 'd dream about . For most of my teen years , I really wanted to be baseball commissioner . When my interest in politics kicked in , I wanted to be president of the U . S . - - even though today I realize that my skill would be as political advisor . Note what those two " dream " jobs had in common - - power and being in a position to make change . But as a writer , I hold some power . The power of words to introduce new ideas , change perceptions , educate . And I can work in shorts and a t - shirt , which I can 't do if I 'm president , and I can keep all the Phillies pictures hanging in my office , which I probably shouldn 't do as baseball commissioner . I 've wanted to get back in the swing of blogging so I 'm participating in FLX 's 2010 blogathon . So here I am . May is an exciting month for me , as my new book , 29 Things to Know about Catholicism , is being released . So I 'll be talking about that , as well as some other writing and life things . But today being Saturday , I 'm hanging out in the family room as I write this , watching playoff hockey and later will watch baseball and will likely flip on the Kentucky Derby to watch 2 minutes of horses in the mud . I 'm not thinking much about work today . The weatherman was calling for rain today . But the sun is shining and I see blue sky . The birds are singing . The snow is melting . It 's too early to say winter is gone , but it sure is nice to feel spring in the air . Spring brings with it a renewed spirit . This cold , long , dreary winter seemed to bring slumps and funks and all kinds of bad vibes with it . Now , my heart is lighter . My mind is clearer . And I 'm excited to bring a fresh outlook to work . Like it was for many of you , my 2009 wasn 't the best of years . Wasn 't the worst of years either , but let 's just say I was more than happy to toast it away . Come to think of it , I can 't remember my New Year 's Eve group ever say good riddance to a year as enthusiastically as we did on Thursday night . So now it is 2010 and it seemed to pick up right where 2009 left off . At least on the home front . Never a good sign when you discover the front bumper of your car was smashed in and you know you did 't hit anything . ( This is why I always park at the outer edges of a parking lot . ) A cranky computer and a phone call I didn 't want to get this morning didn 't help get things off to a good start . I look at it this way - - at this point , 2010 has nowhere to go but up . I 'm coming up on my 5th anniversary of freelancing , and I think I have a good idea at where I want my business to go . I 've learned the difference between dreaming big and reasonable , life - balancing goals . I had a rough December because I didn 't set that balance , and I don 't want to do that again . The result will be something awesome , but it was a good lesson in time management and cost vs . benefits . I have goals for 2010 , and perhaps I 'll post them here soon . One of my goals is to make this blog a regular routine . It is a good way to get my brain moving . I 'm a full - time freelance writer and editor . My expertise areas include construction , engineering , technology , retail , and parenting . I 'm also the author of The Phillies Fan 's Little Book of Wisdom . |
Synopsis : " I won 't tell anyone , Echo . I promise . " Noah tucked a curl behind my ear . It had been so long since someone touched me like he did . Why did it have to be Noah Hutchins ? His dark brown eyes shifted to my covered arms . " You didn 't do that - did you ? It was done to you ? " No one ever asked that question . They stared . They whispered . They laughed . But they never asked . No one knows what happened the night Echo Emerson went from popular girl with jock boyfriend to gossiped - about outsider with " freaky " scars on her arms . Even Echo can 't remember the whole truth of that horrible night . All she knows is that she wants everything to go back to normal . But when Noah Hutchins , the smoking - hot , girl - using loner in the black leather jacket , explodes into her life with his tough attitude and surprising understanding , Echo 's world shifts in ways she could never have imagined . They should have nothing in common . And with the secrets they both keep , being together is pretty much impossible . Yet the crazy attraction between them refuses to go away . And Echo has to ask herself just how far they can push the limits and what she 'll risk for the one guy who might teach her how to love again . Review : We start off with Echo and Noah , two people who are just trying to live their lives . After the night that she can 't remember , Echo is someone different . Noah has his own problems that he has to deal with . Both have no reason to know each other but as it turns out they find that they can trust each other . As the story progresses we get to see more of how they bond and and how they deal with the problems they have . Echo has had to deal with the talking that goes around at her school after what happened to her . She doesn 't remember what happened the night she got the scars . The newest person trying to help remember and overcome it is Mrs . Collins . She 's one of those characters that I immediately liked . She was going through rough time and all she wanted to do was be normal . I liked how she came to understand that sometimes things can 't go to the way they were before . I liked the way things worked out for her and how she handled them . Noah . He 's broken in so many ways and it 's true that he does things that are seen as bad but he just needs a way of forgetting all the pain that goes through . He has practically lost everything and has gone through rough times before getting to a place where it might not be the best but at least it 's not as bad as other places . His only wish is to make sure his brothers are safe . As we get to know we see how much he loves and all the things he 's willing to do for them . The ending might not be what he 's expecting but I think it works for best . I had been looking forward to reading this story and having read it I can say that I recommend this book to everyone . Once I started reading I couldn 't put it down until I had known the whole story . The more we know about the characters the more we understand about them . I felt that the ending for both Echo and Noah were what was best for them and even if some of it was sad . Definitely read this book if you haven 't yet . Goodreads Summary : Within the walls of Baalboden , beneath the shadow of the city 's brutal leader , Rachel Adams has a secret . While other girls sew dresses , host dinner parties , and obey their male Protectors , Rachel knows how to survive in the wilderness and deftly wield a sword . When her father , Jared , fails to return from a courier mission and is declared dead , the Commander assigns Rachel a new Protector , her father 's apprentice , Logan - the same boy Rachel declared her love for two years ago , and the same boy who handed her heart right back to her . Left with nothing but fierce belief in her father 's survival , Rachel decides to escape and find him herself . But treason against the Commander carries a heavy price , and what awaits her in the Wasteland could destroy her . At nineteen , Logan McEntire is many things . Orphan . Outcast . Inventor . As apprentice to the city 's top courier , Logan is focused on learning his trade so he can escape the tyranny of Baalboden . But his plan never included being responsible for his mentor 's impulsive daughter . Logan is determined to protect her , but when his escape plan goes wrong and Rachel pays the price , he realizes he has more at stake than disappointing Jared . As Rachel and Logan battle their way through the Wasteland , stalked by a monster that can 't be killed and an army of assassins out for blood , they discover romance , heartbreak , and a truth that will incite a war decades in the making . Synopsis : Tough , brainy alchemist Sydney Sage and doe - eyed Moroi princess Jill Dragomir are in hiding at a human boarding school in the sunny , glamorous world of Palm Springs , California . The students - - children of the wealthy and powerful - - carry on with their lives in blissful ignorance , while Sydney , Jill , Eddie , and Adrian must do everything in their power to keep their secret safe . But with forbidden romances , unexpected spirit bonds , and the threat of Strigoi moving ever closer , hiding the truth is harder than anyone thought . Review : This book was so good ! I feel like this book was better than Bloodlines even though I really enjoyed that one too ! Richelle Mead just keeps bringing new things into the world when you thought there wasn 't much more to learn of it . Sydney is now a bit more accepting of those around her and starting become more comfortable with them . She is still looking out for all of them and trying to do the best she can . She also starts to see that not everything that she was taught is exactly as they say . Little by little she sees things a bit different . I loved reading of all the different things that she knows which just makes you realize how smart and intelligent she is . One thing I really enjoyed was how she knows she can 't fight like Rose but still wants to be able to put up a fight . She might not fight like Rose but she knows how to in a different way . In Vampire Academy I didn 't really like Adrian as much as others but this book let 's you see deeper into his character and I have to say that now I love him ! He 's still that bad boy we all know and love but we get to see different sides to him . He 's starting to take control of his life and now does something that he loves . I loved how he 's trying to help in his own way . And that ending killed me because of how Adrian must have felt . Another character that we can 't forget is Eddie . In Vampire Academy we didn 't get to see a lot of him but I love how here we see him more . Just like a lot of character he has gone through bad times that are now affecting the decisions that he makes . Angeline was awesome to read about . She had never experienced life like this so seeing her adventures and the things she does was awesome . And Jill . I feel kind bad for what she is going through and having to give up things . And again towards the end it was kind of sad for her too . I feel like things have just started to get better and there is still much to see so I can 't wait to read the next book , The Indigo Spell , which I 'm sure will be amazing . I want to see Sydney embrace that part of her that she doesn 't want to but that has helped her . I can 't wait to see what happens next with all the things that were revealed in this book ! Why : I had been wanting to read it for a long time but I would always pick up something else . Now that all the bo0ks are out I feel like I wouldn 't have to wait a whole year for the next book so that encourages me even more to read it . For Darkness Shows the Stars by Diana Peterfreund Why : It was inspired by Persuasion by Jane Austen and it 's set in the future ! I know I haven 't actually read Persuasion but I saw the BBC adaptation of it and I loved it ! This story might even be the one I love the most . Especially with Captain Wentworth ! Synopsis : Before scientists found the cure , people thought love was a good thing . They didn 't understand that once love - - the deliria - - blooms in your blood , there is no escaping its hold . Things are different now . Scientists are able to eradicate love , and the government demands that all citizens receive the cure upon turning eighteen . Lena Holoway has always looked forward to the day when she 'll be cured . A life without love is a life without pain : safe , measured , predictable , and happy . Review : I know I 'm really late in reading this book but I finally read it and it was really good ! Lena lives in a world where everyone is afraid of getting infected with love . In her world this is the worst thing that could happen and when they turn a certain age they go through a procedure that will stop them from getting it . At first I didn 't really like Lena because she didn 't see that what was happening was wrong . She was always trying to do what the government told them was right . She was afraid of getting in trouble and looking at her past I can see why she was this way but I still didn 't like it . At the end of the book I was happy to see that she had changed her views on things and actually did things that went against everything that she had been told . Hana was such a good friend to Lena who tried to help her to the end even if she would also get in trouble for helping her . I actually enjoyed reading more about Hana at the beginning because she went against many things that they had been told . I feel like Alex made a huge impact on Lena . If she hadn 't met him she would still be believing in all the horrible things that she had been raised to believe . This was a slower book but I still enjoyed it a lot . There aren 't a lot of action scenes but I feel like it fits with the story and what they are fighting for . I 'm excited to learn more of what is outside and how Lena will be living now that things have changed for her . I know I will be reading the sequel soon ! Review : I had been sad to see the Vampire Academy series end so when I found out there would be a spin - off series I couldn 't wait to read it . Which is why I don 't see how I could have lasted almost a year without reading it . Bloodlines follows Sydney who is the Alchemist that we learn about in Blood Promise . Sydney now has to work with Moroi and dhampirs to keep Jill safe from those who want to harm her . It wasn 't as easy to love Sydney like I loved Rose but as I read more I started to warm up to her . Her fear for vampires and their world was annoying but I can see how she has so much trouble being near them when all her life she has been taught that they 're bad . Throughout the book , though , she starts to get more friendly with them and started seeing them as normal people which is something I enjoyed reading about . One thing I hated in Last Sacrifice was how things ended with Adrian . I loved seeing him in this book more often than we did in the others . I have to admit I wasn 't a huge fan of Adrian Ivashkov before but now that we 're seeing new sides to him I 'm starting to really like him . And Eddie ! I loved Eddie in Vampire Academy and even more now that we see more of him . I love how he just wants to be able to protect everyone . I was a bit hesitant to read Bloodlines since I wanted to love it but Richelle Mead didn 't let me down . I absolutely loved jumping back into the world that Richelle has created and learning more about things that we knew and some that we didn 't . I 'm sure as the story progresses things will just get better ! Review : This is one of weirdest books I 've read but also a really good one . Mara wakes up in the hospital with no memory of how she got there . She has had an accident that also involved her friends that unfortunately died . Mara knows that she must remember that night again if she wants to know what really happened . Having Mara as the one person you 're seeing everything through made me question everything thast she wss seeing . After going through an accident where her friends were killed , she starts to see them around . Her mind was a strange place where even she doesn 't know what to believe when she sees and hears things . She 's an interesting character to say the least . Everything that happens around her is something that she questions and in turn makes me wonder what is real and what is not . And of course there is also Noah Shaw . His accent sure does make him much more interesting for me . I liked finding more of him at the end and of what he was going through and that he was always there for Mara . Mara also has some of the best siblings . I 'm not sure my sister would be kind enough to help me in the ways that Daniel did . I kind of wish I had a brother who would cover for me when I needed it . = ) That ending ! I was not expecting that ! So now I don 't exactly know how to react to the things that Mara saw and heard . I feel like I can 't say much without saying everything that happens . Definitely one of those that you need to read for yourself to fully understand it . I 'm excited for the next book and see how Mara deals with everything that keeps happening to her . And of course , who doesn 't want to see more of Noah . Why : I don 't really know . It 's just one of those books that I have the need to pick up and read . The idea of someone trying to make the universe right with karma sounds interesting , especially if it 's a girl . Why : I 've heard so much about this book so I feel like I should read it . From what I hear it 's a good book and fantasy which I love reading about ! Definitely one I think I would really enjoy . Synopsis : Escaping from the brutality of an arranged marriage , seventeen - year - old Ismae finds sanctuary at the convent of St . Mortain , where the sisters still serve the gods of old . Here she learns that the god of Death Himself has blessed her with dangerous gifts - and a violent destiny . If she chooses to stay at the convent , she will be trained as an assassin and serve as a handmaiden to Death . To claim her new life , she must be willing to take the lives of others . Ismae 's most important assignment takes her straight into the high court of Brittany , where she must pose as mistress to the darkly mysterious Gavriel Duval , who has fallen under a cloud of suspicion . Once there , she finds herself woefully unprepared - not only for the deadly games of love and intrigue , but for the impossible choices she must make . For how can she deliver Death 's vengeance upon a target who , against her will , has stolen her heart ? My Thoughts : Ismae has lived a pretty tough life ever since she was born . She is helped and taken to the convent of St . Mortain who happens to be the god of death . There she is given the opportunity at having a better life as long as she does what the convent says . After finishing some of her assignments , she is given one that she isn 't too happy about and where she will start to question what she has been told and also find that not all men are alike . We start off when Ismae is younger and how her father hasn 't been the best person to her and is also forced into a marriage that turns out to be horrible . When she arrives at the convent she is given the opportunity for a better life and takes it . After three years she has been trained in different ways to go through with what her convent is asking of her which killing people who are a threat to her country . Once she gets to the court of Brittany she starts to see things differently and starts to realize that she may have taken too easily to the orders of the convent . Her change in thoughts and feelings throughout the story is something I really loved about her . The majority of the book is Ismae trying to find who are the ones they can trust and who is trying to gain something for themselves who are also a threat to Brittany . There 's a lot mystery and I loved finding along with Ismae who were the traitors and who were not . Duval was another character that I really loved ! At first he seems cold and distant but as the story progresses we see different sides of him . Everything he does is for the safety Anne who is the Duchess even if others are trying to go against him . This book honestly had everything that I wanted for in a book . I loved seeing how Ismae changed throughout the story and seeing her interact with others who she might not have . And we can 't forget the fact that she was trained to be an assassin so she knows how to use various weapons . Even though it was a long book I went through it pretty fast so don 't think too much about how long it is ! Synopsis : What girl doesn 't want to be surrounded by gorgeous jocks day in and day out ? Jordan Woods isn 't just surrounded by hot guys , though - she leads them as the captain and quarterback of her high school football team . They all see her as one of the guys and that 's just fine . As long as she gets her athletic scholarship to a powerhouse university . But everything she 's ever worked for is threatened when Ty Green moves to her school . Not only is he an amazing QB , but he 's also amazingly hot . And for the first time , Jordan 's feeling vulnerable . Can she keep her head in the game while her heart 's on the line ? My Thoughts : Jordan isn 't your typical girl in high school . She 's on the football team and also happens to be the captain . Her friends are her team mates and has no friends who are girls . The most important thing to her right now is playing good football and getting to play in the college of her choice . All her plans are changed with the arrival of Ty who changes her in ways that she wasn 't expecting . Now she has to figure things out with her heart and how being a girl is going to affect her chances of playing in the college that she wants . I absolutely loved reading through the eyes of Jordan since she wasn 't the typical girl in high school . She is constantly trying to prove herself to others that she can play football despite the fact that she 's a girl . She doesn 't want to let others tell her that she shouldn 't be playing football because she 's a girl or that she 's not good because she knows this isn 't true . She 's far from being a girl so when Ty arrives things start to get complicated . Now she has to figure things out with her feelings and how to deal with them , especially knowing what she really wants . One part that I really enjoyed was Jordan 's relationship with her team mates . The author does a great job in giving us a whole football team who has Jordan 's back and will look out for her . There was JJ , Carter , and Henry who all looked out for her and tried to help her when she needed it . In particular I have to say I loved Henry ! I wish I had someone like that in my life ! Another part that I really enjoyed seeing was how Jordan 's relationship with her dad changed throughout the book and I loved the way it ended compared to how it started . I 'm not the kind of person who knows everything about football so I wasn 't sure if I was going to be able to understand the football aspect but I 'm glad that things were explained in a way that I could understand . Catching Jordan has everything one could ask for in a book , and one part I loved was that Jordan went against a lot of common thoughts such as girls not being able to play on a football team . If you haven 't read this book yet then you should definitely go read it ! = ) Tenderhearted Southern girl , Anna Whitt , was born with the sixth sense to see and feel emotions of other people . She 's aware of a struggle within herself , an inexplicable pull toward danger , but it isn 't until she turns sixteen and meets the alluring Kaidan Rowe that she discovers her terrifying heritage , and her will - power is put to the test . He 's the boy your daddy warned you about . If only someone had warned Anna . A cross - country trip to meet her father forces Anna to face the reality that hope and love are not options for her kind . When she confronts her destiny , will Anna embrace her halo or her horns ? I 've been seeing really good things about this one which has slowly but surely made me excited for this book ! It seems to be something different on fallen angels and their children . There is also a cross - country trip which something I enjoy reading ! Synopsis : The last thing Cammie Morgan remembers is leaving the Gallagher Academy to protect her friends and family from the Circle of Cavan - - an ancient terrorist organization that has been hunting her for over a year . But when Cammie wakes up in an alpine convent and discovers months have passed , she must face the fact that her memory is now a black hole . The only traces left of Cammie 's summer vacation are the bruises on her body and the dirt under her nails , and all she wants is to go home . Once she returns to school , however , Cammie realizes that even the Gallagher Academy now holds more questions than answers . Cammie , her friends , and mysterious spy - guy Zach must face their most difficult challenge yet as they travel to the other side of the world , hoping to piece together the clues that Cammie left behind . It 's a race against time . The Circle is hot on their trail and willing stop at nothing to prevent Cammie from remembering what she did last summer . My Thoughts : Cammie has woken up in a place that she doesn 't know and has no idea how she got there . After getting back to school without any memory of what she did over the summer she will start to put together the pieces of flashbacks and evidence that she gets to know what she did . Over the course of the book she will learn things that she may want to forget about . We start off in the same place as Cammie without knowing anything of what happened during her summer . Everyone that she talks to someone they tell her it 's best to leave it alone but of course she doesn 't listen to them and starts looking for answers . She develops as a character and I really liked how she reacted to a certain thing that happened . There were a lot of mysteries that she didn 't know and went on a mission to know them and also know herself . I have to say that this was the darkest book in all . Comparing it to the first book which was light and with a boyfriend problem this was more a story of the darker secrets that we have been learning about . Things start to get clearer with the answer of why the Circle of Cavan has been wanting Cammie . And that end ? Intense ! Seeing how they figured things out was interesting since we were seeing things from Cammie 's point of view . For me this was the best book out of all five . We finally get answers to some of the questions that have been going on for a while . If you haven 't read this series you really should . All the books have gotten better and everything that happens keeps you reading until you finish the book . Definitely a great book ! = ) Seventeen - year - old Ismae escapes from the brutality of an arranged marriage into the sanctuary of the convent of St . Mortain , where the sisters still serve the gods of old . Here she learns that the god of Death Himself has blessed her with dangerous gifts - and a violent destiny . If she chooses to stay at the convent , she will be trained as an assassin and serve as a handmaiden to Death . To claim her new life , she must destroy the lives of others . Ismae 's most important assignment takes her straight into the high court of Brittany - where she finds herself woefully under prepared - not only for the deadly games of intrigue and treason , but for the impossible choices she must make . For how can she deliver Death 's vengeance upon a target who , against her will , has stolen her heart ? From what I 've been seeing about this one it sounds like it will be one I will enjoy ! It doesn 't seem to be like a book I 've read before so now I 'm excited to read it ! = ) Oh , and the first line ? Definitely makes me want to read it ! Synopsis : Amy Curry thinks her life sucks . Her mom decides to move from California to Connecticut to start anew - just in time for Amy 's senior year . Her dad recently died in a car accident . So Amy embarks on a road trip to escape from it all , driving cross - country from the home she 's always known toward her new life . Joining Amy on the road trip is Roger , the son of Amy 's mother 's old friend . Amy hasn 't seen him in years , and she is less than thrilled to be driving across the country with a guy she barely knows . So she 's surprised to find that she is developing a crush on him . At the same time , she 's coming to terms with her father 's death and how to put her own life back together after the accident . Told in traditional narrative as well as scraps from the road - diner napkins , motel receipts , postcards - this is the story of one girl 's journey to find herself . Review : Amy is living her life through all the hard things that have happened to her . She goes on a road trip and goes along with Roger . Throughout the trip she learns to come to life with the help of Roger and all the different things that she sees . Along the way she meets different kinds of people and has the opportunity to face all those things that she hasn 't been able to . At the beginning of the book Amy is living by herself . She hasn 't been able to fully recover from what happened to her father . She is forced to go on a road trip with Roger who was a family friend . She isn 't happy about the idea but goes with it . She agrees to go on a little detour but it turns out to be longer than expected . This detour is what helped her face her fears and be able to talk about those things inside of her . I really felt like at the end of the book she was a different person in a very good way . Another big part of this book that I really loved was the whole road trip about it . They went to different states and I got to learn about places that I may have heard about but never thought I would actually learn something about it . After reading this book I definitely want to go across the country which would work perfectly since I 'm on the west coast . Too bad it will have to wait until I can actually drive ! = ) I loved everything about this book ! I 'm glad I had the opportunity to read it and learn about different states that hadn 't been of much interest to me before . Seeing Amy change was another thing I enjoyed reading about it . I would recommend this book to everyone since I loved it so much ! Top Ten Tuesday is hosted by The Broke and the Bookish . Since this week it was about the books that I plan to read this spring here they are ! Not sure I 'll actually be reading these but I hope to . Today should be one of the worst days of seventeen - year - old Hadley Sullivan 's life . She 's stuck at JFK , late to her father 's second wedding , which is taking place in London and involves a soon to be step - mother that Hadley 's never even met . Then she meets the perfect boy in the airport 's cramped waiting area . His name is Oliver , he 's British , and he 's in seat 18C . Hadley 's in 18A . Twists of fate and quirks of timing play out in this thoughtful novel about family connections , second chances and first loves . Set over a 24 - hour - period , Hadley and Oliver 's story will make you believe that true love finds you when you 're least expecting it . Review : I loved it . I had heard that it was a good book but I didn 't think that I would like it as much as I did . It was hard for me to picture a book that only takes 24 hours and it actually good . Well , this book did it and in such a way that I completely fell in love with it . Hadley has some problems from the beginning . She misses her plane by 4 minutes but those 4 minutes make a big impact on what is coming from her . Thanks to those 4 minutes she gets to meet Oliver , a British boy , who is going on the same plane as her . They take the trip across the Atlantic together and when they get at their destination there is still much more to come for them . I felt that Hadley was really reacting to the situations that she was living through . She 's forced to go to her father 's wedding with a women that she doesn 't even know while still trying to come to terms to what happened to her family . She goes through a journey to figure out things in her life . She 's still mad at her father and doesn 't quite know what to do about it . I loved seeing how she thought things through and by the end of the 24 hours her feelings and thought were much more settled . And then there 's Oliver . Since the first time that we meet him he 's charming and for the most part of the book it 's the same thing . We don 't really get to know why he 's going to London until they actually get there . When we get to find out it just adds to how deep the book actually is . I knew I would enjoy it but I didn 't think I would come to love it as much as I did . It 's one of those that I expect to be short and with a simple romance and even though this one had the romance it also had much more than just that . This will definitely be in my top books of this year ! = ) Goodreads Summary : Emma Townsend has always believed in stories - the ones she reads voraciously , and the ones she creates in her head . Perhaps it 's because she feels like an outsider at her exclusive prep school , or because her stepmother doesn 't come close to filling the void left by her mother 's death . And her only romantic prospect - apart from a crush on her English teacher - is Gray Newman , a long - time friend who just adds to Emma 's confusion . But escape soon arrives in an old leather - bound copy of Jane Eyre … Reading of Jane 's isolation sparks a deep sense of kinship . Then fate takes things a leap further when a lightning storm catapults Emma right into Jane 's body and her nineteenth - century world . As governess at Thornfield , Emma has a sense of belonging she 's never known - and an attraction to the brooding Mr . Rochester . Now , moving between her two realities and uncovering secrets in both , Emma must decide whether her destiny lies in the pages of Jane 's story , or in the unwritten chapters of her own . I loved reading Jane Eyre so I was really interested in seeing how things play out in this book . It sounds like a book where she tries to find herself and what she wants . I would probably read any book that had anything to do with Jane Eyre . = ) This is my first time participating on Top Ten Tuesday ! Yay ! It 's hosted by The Broke and the Bookish ! = ) This week it 's all about the covers ! Synopsis : Huxley 's story shows a futuristic World State where all emotion , love , art , and human individuality have been replaced by social stability . An ominous warning to the world 's population , this literary classic is a must - read . Review : This is one of those books that I would not have thought of giving it a chance and read it . I had heard about but it had never been in my interest to pick it up and read it for myself . If it hadn 't been for school it would still be one of those books everyone talks about but that I have no idea what it 's about . One sure thing that I wouldn 't have gotten if I had read this book by myself was that it was a satire . Having gotten the background and how the world works before starting the book really helped . I knew how each individual character would act and their reactions to things . The world that they have created it something like an utopia where everything is perfect , or so it seems . They are conditioned to think a certain way and do as society tells them . However , as the story progresses we see how having their own thoughts and plans can lead to something bad for that individual . Reading this through the perspective of different characters was interesting because it allowed the reader to see things differently . There were parts were the only thing that it talked about is the perfection of their society with no desire to change things and then you get to see another character who is forming ideas for themselves that doesn 't go with what society has shown to be the right thing . This allowed the reader to show just how many flaws there were in society that was supposed to be perfect . One thing that I may not have liked was the ending . I was hoping that things would end up being different . And the part were John does what he does at the end ? Yeah , I wasn 't really happy about that since I was hoping that he had more control of himself since he had shown to not do what the world state had tried to make him become . We get to see an extreme version of how things can turn out for society today if we don 't realize that some of the things that we do now will lead to this world . Some of the things that we read about were kind of wrong to read about but I now understand that it was done on purpose and how we should avoid that kind of thing . It was a book that was not really enjoyable in that it was something like I normally read but it was a book that made me think more of the world around me and how things are changing . Goodreads Summary : The last thing Cammie Morgan remembers is leaving the Gallagher Academy to protect her friends and family from the Circle of Cavan - - an ancient terrorist organization that has been hunting her for over a year . But when Cammie wakes up in an alpine convent and discovers months have passed , she must face the fact that her memory is now a black hole . The only traces left of Cammie 's summer vacation are the bruises on her body and the dirt under her nails , and all she wants is to go home . Once she returns to school , however , Cammie realizes that even the Gallagher Academy now holds more questions than answers . Cammie , her friends , and mysterious spy - guy Zach must face their most difficult challenge yet as they travel to the other side of the world , hoping to piece together the clues that Cammie left behind . It 's a race against time . The Circle is hot on their trail and willing stop at nothing to prevent Cammie from remembering what she did last summer . I have no idea how long I have been waiting for this book so seeing the date for its release coming closer each day makes me really happy . I can 't wait to see how things work out for Cammie in this book ! And Zach ! Who doesn 't want to see Zach more ? I let the door silently close at my back . He stared at me , and a taut quiet stretched between us . " I like hearing you play , " I said , moving toward him . He turned , in sync with my slow approach . He looked up at me but didn 't say anything . I rested my clammy hand on the cold , slick body of the baby grand . " May I ? " The muscles in his throat shifted , then he swallowed . " Eden . " My knees weakened , like a soft tickling kiss had just been blown against the backs of them . " Is it okay ? " I asked . His gaze held mine like two hands joined . He understood what I was really asking . " Let me stay , " I said . " Please . " " You 're going to get me in trouble , " he said . Review : Eden is a girl who can get everything that she wants and doesn 't let things get in her way . When a new teacher arrives at the school , Eden makes it her mission to get him to notice her . They both know that this is something dangerous for them since the teacher - student thing exists between them . Eden used to getting everything and when Mr . Christian arrives at her school she 's determined to make him notice her . She doesn 't stop to think about the consequences that this might have on both of them and goes on with her plan . I did see her change over the course of the book but it took me a while to understand why she did things but it 's just the way she grew up . Mr . Christian was the one who wanted to stay away from the trouble that Eden brought with her but of course he couldn 't resist it . I loved that he could play the piano and had a love for classical music . I 'm glad that he was able to take a hold of the things he wanted after a while and could decide and think things for what he wanted . I loved the relationship that he had with his mother and how much he cared for her . It was a pretty short read that I enjoyed reading , especially since I had wanted to read it for so long . One thing I really enjoyed about it ( and maybe why I wanted to read it ) was that I hadn 't read any book that had the student - teacher relationship like it was in A Season of Eden . It was definitely different than other forbidden romances and I liked that . Synopsis : Weird as it is working for the International Paranormal Containment Agency , Evie 's always thought of herself as normal . Sure , her best friend is a mermaid , her ex - boyfriend is a faerie , she 's falling for a shape - shifter , and she 's the only person who can see through paranormals ' glamours , but still . Normal . Only now paranormals are dying , and Evie 's dreams are filled with haunting voices and mysterious prophecies . She soon realizes that there may be a link between her abilities and the sudden rash of deaths . Not only that , but she may very well be at the center of a dark faerie prophecy promising destruction to all paranormal creatures . So much for normal . Review : Hearing all the good things about this book had made want to read it for a long while and when I finally got the chance to I was really happy . Evie doesn 't know a different world from the one that she 's been living in for most of her lifetime . She 's used to being surrounded by things that are considered to be not normal . That doesn 't stop her from wanting to have a normal life . Evie is hilarious ! I loved the way she looked at things we consider as normal as something amazing . She lives such a different life and has best friends that we only wish we could but she tries to be as normal as possible . She made the book and story so good by how she looked at things in a funny way and talked about her world in such a normal way . They way that she was concious of the things that the paranormals could do made me happy since she knew the consequences and tried to think straight even if at times she couldn 't . I 'm glad that I was finally able to read this book and totally agree with those who think this book is amazing because really is ! It had moments that were really funny but there also times when it took a serious tone that balanced each other out . I always end up loving books that make me laugh and keep me reading even though I have so much homework to do ! If you haven 't read it yet then you need to ! Synopsis : Budding designer Lola Nolan doesn 't believe in fashion . . . she believes in costume . The more expressive the outfit - - more sparkly , more fun , more wild - - the better . But even though Lola 's style is outrageous , she 's a devoted daughter and friend with some big plans for the future . And everything is pretty perfect ( right down to her hot rocker boyfriend ) until the dreaded Bell twins , Calliope and Cricket , return to the neighborhood . When Cricket - - a gifted inventor - - steps out from his twin sister 's shadow and back into Lola 's life , she must finally reconcile a lifetime of feelings for the boy next door . Review : This was just as good if not better than Anna ! Lola seems to live an almost perfect life with a rocker boyfriend and 2 dads that love her . Everything seems fine until her used to be neighbors move in after years of not seeing them . After the way they left Lola doesn 't want anything to do with them and also doesn 't want to know about them . Unfortunately for her , it seems kind of impossible since each day her feelings towards them change , especially for Cricket . Lola is the person that I could never be and I loved that ! She had her own personality and she really distinguished herself from the rest . She was trying to get over what had happened with her neighbors and when they suddenly appeared everything came back to her which made her not want to see them . Of course , the one person that she doesn 't want to see is the person she sees . And Cricket is awesome ! According to Lola he dresses well and can also invent stuff . He doesn 't have that big personality that everyone can see that Lola does but he stands out in his own way . He was going through his own things and trying to figure out his own problems that were tormenting him . He actually seemed like he could be the boy that lived next door . I can 't decide if I liked Anna more or not but I know for sure that they are both amazing . I enjoyed reading every single minute and I can 't wait to read her next book . I feel like anything that Stephanie comes out with I will buy even if I don 't know what it 's about . = ) |
As much as I 'd like to dedicate a week to only cleaning my house , it 's not something I can make happen , especially with two kids under the age of 10 . But I do the best I can . I clean the bathrooms , do a vinegar / baking soda / boiling water treatment in all drains , open the windows to change the air and make things smell as nice as I can . It 's the one time a year I find cleaning house to be a spiritual exercise , which appeals to my groovy , new - age , hippie part of myself . Getting everything sparkling and fresh to greet the new year with optimism is an idea that I like . Since I 'm not into New Year 's Resolutions , which I find to be a list of how a person will fail in the next twelve months , I make an effort to be happy and excited about what will be coming my way . That will be my big , exciting time this last day of 2010 and the first day of 2011 , cleaning ! I 'm going to start off the new decade feeling like I have control of my life and that I 'm good at taking care of my household . Amanda 's beauty tip of the day : Don 't drink and drive ! Banging one 's head into the steering wheel will cause scarring on the face . Hitting another car and killing someone will cause severe scarring to the soul . Happy new year ! Geraldine was seventeen during World War II and working in a factory in Michigan as a metal presser when a wire photographer took her photograph . That photo inspired the Westinghouse graphic artist , J . Howard Miller , to create the We Can Do It ! poster . After it was completed and printed , the poster was hung in factories around the country for two weeks , before it was replaced with another Westinghouse poster , meant as encouragement . They were the equivalent of the posters corporate offices are fond of featuring the words Service , Excellence , Make It Happen , but the Westinghouse posters were changed out twice a month . Geraldine was a cello player , the job made her concerned that she would hurt her hand so she quit her metal pressing job . She went on to marry and did not know she was on the poster until she saw it in an old magazine in 1984 . Her image was put on a stamp in the 1990 's and she appears on everything from bags and t - shirts to my left arm . Geraldine 's poster , her flexing her arm and staring right out at us , makes me think of a cheeky young woman who liked to laugh and dismissed the thought that there was anything she couldn 't do . Was she really like this ? I have no idea , I never met her , read an interview with her or seen anything about her personality . But that 's what I think of when I see her , that 's why I put her picture not only with the other Goddesses on my dresser , but on my body permanently . I thank her for being there that day and flexing her biceps for the camera . Rest well Geraldine and know you are remembered . We 've had a lot of down time here at Casa de ' burbs for the last ten days . We don 't usually have a lot of down time . I tend to make sure we 're all busy . Does anyone else have the experience that the more you relax and sit around , the harder it is to actually get up and do anything ? And when you do get up , you get tired really quickly ? But you get frustrated because you 're tired and then sit back down ? I wonder because I 've regularly assumed that I 'm just lazy and get very unmotivated to do anything . Housework ? Laundry ? Prepare food ? Nah , I 'd rather play Farmville . Besides , the other three people who live here will undo all my handiwork inside of fifteen minutes so why should I bother ? But my friend Amanda told me that she 's had that same thing happen to her . It must be the whole ' a body in motion stays in motion ' thing . Since my body has been at rest , it wants to stay at rest . I must say it 's a very good thing we don 't have a couch with the recliners built in and the little fold down tables or I 'd only move to pee . Did you know there are big sectionals with a mini - fridge in them ? For the person who has decided that they are going to supervise the world via television . What is it Drew Carey says ? " Have you lost all hope ? Try this ! " I honestly wonder how it 's going to work when school / work kicks back in , we 've been sleeping in until outrageous hours , like , seven . Zoe has to be up at 6 , at the latest , to get ready for school . Is there enough coffee in the world ? Welp , Monday , we 're gonna see ! Amanda 's beauty tip of the day : As good at pale looks , be sure to get at least a little sun to avoid vitamin D deficiency . I love shopping . I do , I love it . It 's one of the reasons I miss my friend Stephanie so much , she loves to shop too . We 're both super - girly women who love to wander around cosmetics departments and try on shoes . We 're very honest with each other about how something looks or if it 's an over - priced mistake . Even if I 'm looking for a six dollar lipstick , Steph is happy to come along to help me select the shade that will suit me best . She 's a whiz at picking out foundation and has a passion for shoes that makes mine look like a casual interest . Committing to a purchase via gift card is serious business , I like to really scour the clearance and sale sections so I can get more bang for my buck . In this case , I spent a long time in the costume jewelry section looking at imitation pearls , black bracelets , pink bracelets and ugly rhinestone pins before I stumbled across a gorgeous ring featuring purple and green stones which looked vintage and fit me ! Sold ! I then lucked into a bath set with a rose scent . Finding anything that smells like roses isn 't easy , at least not for me . I 'll spare you the hour I spent in Bath and Body Works sniffing lotions , asking for clarification about the sales , picking things up , putting them back and finally skipping out with a bag full of smelly stuff . I like how many products they carry featuring citrus , goes with my whole I 'm from Orange , California and proud of it ! , I even like to smell like oranges . I 've been shopping the last week of December since I was fifteen and I start to look forward to it every year around Thanksgiving . This year I enjoyed it just as much as I always have . And I 'll get to do it again in 7 months for my birthday ! Call me shallow , I 'll accept it gladly with my smooth , orange scented hands . Amanda 's beauty tip of the day : If perfume is a luxury , apply a very thin layer of petroleum jelly to your wrist before applying a small spritz , it will make your scent last longer . Christmas ! Wow ! It was just the four , well , six of us this year . Scott , Zoe , Will , Zoe , Gibson , Peavey and me . In the wee hours of Christmas morning , two of them threw up . Will , about four and either Peavey or Gibson sometime between four and six . Will came down into our bed about midnight , coughing and snuffling despite the Vick 's I 'd rubbed on his feet and covered with socks , the vaporizer chuffing out steam in his room and the dose of Benadryl he 'd gotten before getting into bed . I 'd only gotten to bed 30 minutes earlier and sleep hadn 't really overtaken me yet . His coughing , Scott 's snoring and the dogs edging me out of bed drove me upstairs to Will 's bed , where I fell asleep and slept hard until two - thirty when Will came upstairs to show me one of the four Nerf shooters , aw hell he got four guns , from Santa . I said he needed to take those back downstairs and come back up to lay down with me . He completed the first task but not the second , I headed downstairs to see what he was doing . He was looking at all the gifts Santa had left out for him and Zoe . Nerf guns , Monster High dolls , a basket of cake mixes and patty - pans were on the tow big chairs in our living room . I tried unsuccessfully to get him into bed , any bed , before I gave up 45 minutes later and dozed off on the couch . I had the thought that if something Really Bad happened he 'd scream , waking me up . ( Please don 't report me to CPS , okay ? ) He woke me up to tell me he wanted to go lay down with his dad . I took him into our room , where he went to sleep for an hour and fifteen minutes . ( Are you keeping track of how much sleep I got ? We 're at four hours right now . ) He woke up at four a . m . saying his tummy was upset , he decided to go into the quarter bath off the living room and didn 't make it . Upon spilling the mess out of his tummy he went back into the master bathroom , expect his dad was peeing and while Will was waiting he whoopsed again . Luckily , both time he hit the tile . I 'm not sure I 've ever been so thankful for our lack of wall - to - wall carpeting After cleaning up Will wasn 't about to go back to bed , I let him stay up . I got coffee made and let him play on the computer , dozing in our recliner until Zoe got up at six , at which point the kids were sent in to wake up their dad . And the present ripping began ! The kids also received stuffed animals , clothes , books , DVDs , a toy tattoo kit , a box of card games and a bunch of jars of spices for Will . Allow me to explain , Will likes to do " ' speriments " . He takes a glass of water and pours in various spices and mixes them up . Usually , he offers me to drink it and I answer " Um , no thanks . " . He got really excited about his bottles of experiment supplies . I made french toast and bacon . ( check out my new page I made to show off my cooking adventures http : / / whatthehiphousewifeate . blogspot . com / ) After we feasted , Scott went back to bed for a while . I was swaying on my feet so I strong armed the kids into a nap and went back to bed myself . And I slept for four hours . After I woke up , we took the doggies to the dog park , came home to watch The Santa Clause and I made Potatoes Au Gratin with ham , being creative with the supplies we had . The kids were put to bed early . Scott and I indulged in our Christmas tradition of watching A Christmas Carol starring Patrick Stewart , our favorite version , while having stilton cheese and port . This year , we had a bottle of port one of Scott 's co - workers brought us from Portugal . Oh , it was good ! Sweet , rich , smooth , just like it should be . The night of the 25th , I got six hours uninterrupted sleep ! Possibly the best Christmas gift ever ! And now , we clean , well , * I * clean . I added a new page called Life and What I Ate , which will have photos and recipes and such . Blatantly stolen from 830 , 000 other pages doing the same thing ? Yes . But I don 't care . I 'll be updating more about our holiday week later today or tomorrow , but right now I 'm operating on four hours sleep and coherent thoughts are becoming fewer and farther between . Time to find a soft , horizontal surface , wish me luck . It started with me trying to print photos on my photo printer . I have a nice one that produced decent quality prints , not quite wedding album quality , but certainly good enough for photos for the family and to hang on the walls . But , when it spat out the test print I did , it was crap . The colors were all off , my printer is out of four colors . At $ 20 a cartridge it 'd be a lot less expensive to order the prints through a store like Wolf 's Camera or Walgreens . I have a bunch of pictures uploaded to Walgreens already , I started there . To have enough photos for grandparents , great - grandparents and the lone uncle I need a lot of prints . Walgreens told me I couldn 't place my order and wouldn 't give me an option to pick up on a different day . To get prints at Wolf 's , I 'd need to burn the photos onto a disc and take it to the storefront with me to get them the same day . I could easily place order through Shutterfly or Walgreens and have the prints shipped right to the recipients , but I was trying to save some money by printing and then putting the photo books together myself . The fact that I couldn 't get the pictures done drove me nuts and that I had chosen to start this project 20 minutes before I had an appointment didn 't help . I was able to let it go and I 'll be letting the relatives know that photo gifts are on the way but it will be after the first of the year before they arrive . Then I started thinking about all the stuff I have to do , the kids rooms to clean out , the gifts to wrap , the cookies to bake for Santa and I had myself a little panic attack in the car after I left the house . After many , many deep breaths I decided to do everything one task at a time . I mailed holiday cards , meaning I had to go to the post office , but it wasn 't bad . I had a book and everyone was in pretty good spirits . I 'm averaging that because the man walking in behind me was cussing under his breath that I 'd gotten in the door before he did , then when I held the door for him he pulled it open so hard he banged it against the way . Upon spotting the line , he cursed again and left the building . Merry fucking Christmas ! I wouldn 't have had to wait in line at all if the PO hadn 't taken out the stamp vending machines that took cash . Yesterday , I took each of the kids out separately to pick out a gift for their sibling . Zoe got Will a Spiderman shave kit complete with foam and a plastic razor . Will got Zoe a set of two ponies with brushes and stickers . It was nice spending time with the Zeester . She and I don 't get very much one on one time since she 's started school full time , so we went to McDonald 's afterwards and had a good chat about not much of anything . Today , I 'll get presents wrapped and dessert for tomorrow night created . Let 's hope I can find everything I 've stashed in the garage ! Amanda 's beauty tip of the day : Even though it 's winter , keep up with your sunscreen ! To begin with , Zoe missed her medication . I know that sounds weird to say about a nine - year - old girl , but she did , which transformed her into a female ADHD creature that runs around the house screaming . That 's not an exaggeration , she runs around the house and screams . Her brother runs after her and screams too . Among the things that happened before 3 p . m . , they played in the mud , had a bath and when told to go get dressed , went upstairs to draw clothes on with markers before having a parade in the living room . They got along fine until 1 : 30 , when we insisted on naps . Zoe is too old for the nap thing , but when she is being the ADHD creature we insist that she have some horizontal time . Yeah , that failed . Neither of them would snooze . Scott and I were going to nap while the kids did , none of that either . No , I take that back , I napped . When I got up the kids were still screaming but at each other , complete with flinging of objects . Scott made the suggestion we load up the whole family , including the two with fur all over them and head off to the dog park . I agreed this was a great idea . We got everyone loaded up and headed out . There 's a great fenced , dog park not too far from our house , big with trees and a little hill and other dogs to play with . We found out exactly how fast Peavey can run . There was a Basenji there that was running like the wind when we got there . Peavey dashed after him and caught up really , really quickly . Scott laughed and said that was the hound in him , the long legs and the full chest let him sprint . Poor Gibson couldn 't even keep up , his short legs wouldn 't let him , he had to settle for pestering the big Rottweiler . While this was going on , Zoe and Will had found some other kids to play with . There 's a hill with a big , plastic pipe going through it for the doggies to run through , expect the other kids had taken it over and were happy to have other young people to play with . They climbed over and through and ran around , trying to get one or the other of the pups to chase a ball or a frisbee . It was really very enjoyable and the dogs loved it . We 've decided if the weather stays nice we 'll go hiking at the dog friendly trail tomorrow . Both the pets are sleeping now , as they have been since we got home . And more cardio is always a good thing . Amanda 's beauty tip of the day : Stand up straight , it makes you look taller and it 's better for your back . Zoe and Scott are both off until the first of the year . Will won 't have preschool until January , so we 're all home all day for the next two weeks . Yesterday and today , we 've all been slopping around in our pajamas playing video games , watching movies and taking naps . This is easy for the kids , who always want to be entertained electronically all day without having to get dressed . Scott lives for these days too . I do pretty well for a few hours , then I become wracked with guilt and get up to do something . If I groggily open my eyes during my nap , I 'll look at the clock and think whether I could go back to sleep . Usually I bully myself into getting up , but yesterday ? Yesterday ? I went back to sleep ! I took a four hour nap for the first time in years . The sitting around is weird for me , I 'm not used to it and I 'm always telling myself it 's not okay to veg out . It 's been a struggle to go along with the slow flow and not rouse the family up to clean rooms or do dishes . Before we had children , these kinds of days were easy for me , I worked , I got tired , sometimes I suffered from insomnia . The days I could rest were ones I needed to take advantage of , lying down and not being on my feet fetching books for customers . Now , with kids and a household I should be taking care of it 's become harder for me to admit that I 'm tired and need a snooze or a few hours to sit around playing games on Pogo or Popcap . Today I have given it the old college try ! I made microwave grilled cheese sandwiches for the kids ' lunch . I 've been watching Netflix instant movies and goofing around on my laptop . Eventually , the inactivity will get to me and I 'll start to wander around picking things up or folding laundry . This week we 'll need to get the kids ' rooms cleaned out to make room for the Santa - produced haul they 'll be getting on Saturday . Cookies need to be made for the man in red , photos need to be printed for the grandparents and then mailed and the kids can 't stay in the same pajamas forever . But , for the next forty - five minutes , I 'm going Amanda 's beauty tip of the day : I 've decided naps are good for your skin . : ) I accidentally got the radio on Rush Limbaugh yesterday while I was out running errands . Why I didn 't just change the station I don 't know , but I sat there listening for a while before screaming the word " bullshit " to the nobody in the car with me . Everyone who knows me knows I 'm a bleeding heart liberal , pretty much exactly who Rush thinks is an idiot and one of the individuals sending our country into the abyss of a nazi welfare state . On paper , I look good to Rush and Sarah Palin and other Tea Party / uber - conservatives , I 'm a stay - at - home mom , I 've been married to the same person for a long time , I hold my family dear and wish for a better place for my children . Then there are the pesky details , like my opinion that a little socialism can be a good thing or my support of a flat tax rate and the right for same - sex couples to marry . My point is that I 'm not a big fan of Rush Limbaugh . I don 't think for one second that he or Ann Coulter really believe everything they say , but it makes for good ratings so they go way over the top . Yesterday afternoon , Rush was complaining that one person was allowed to disrupt the crib industry by making it illegal to manufacture drop - side cribs . There have been scores of recalls on drop - side cribs over the years . When Scott and I were expecting , the women who lead the pre - natal classes we attended actively discouraged their use , citing the recalls and stories they 'd heard from people in their classes . But , Rush thought it was outrageous that one person was allowed this much power to send an entire industry back to the drawing board , costing them money and future sales because cribs with solid sides will be so much more expensive . He then went on to do the math and stated it was based on only then deaths a year . He hammered that point several times , only ten deaths a year . Only ten babies died so what 's the big deal ? Why should this woman get to say that these can 't be used anymore and open the companies to lawsuits ? It 's just ten babies . He went on to make some point about abortion and how many of those are performed but I was so pissed at him I didn 't hear what he said . Then , after I got done screaming obscenities about how I find him to be insensitive I got my senses back and tuned into some holiday music . After singing along with Rod Stewart and Dolly Parton about how chilly it is outdoors , I felt better . Why do I feel the need to make myself mad by listening to someone I know will say something that makes me mad ? I say it 's because I like to hear the opinion of someone who differs from me , but there is a difference between an exchange of ideas and opinions in a conversational / non - debate type of thing and listening to a person trying to keep a career as a highly visible political commentator in the mass - media . If I want to ask a conservative person about their thoughts on a particular subject , I have several friends online I can go to . I would say " I 'm not looking to debate , I just want to know what you think and why you think that would be good . " I will say that some people have surprised me by making a sane , rational , logical statement that I was frothing at the mouth opposed to before they showed me the positive side of things . And we 've agreed to disagree and gone on with life . I 'm now going to avoid making myself crazy during this fine week of holiday celebration and will keep my radio dial away from that end of the spectrum . Tonight , Scott and I are going to go out and finish up shopping for the kids . Pray for us ! We watch the news every morning , starting with our local news at 6 a . m . before catching Good Morning America at 7 . While I 'm watching I play Farmville , check my email and bust up the early morning fights between my kids . This morning , I learned a couple in Cypress Texas stole two inflated Christmas decorations last night . Why am I even mentioning this , you may be asking , these things happen all the time . Yeah , it 's a bummer but what 's up ? They were stolen from in front of a VFW Hall . A man and a woman pulled up in front of Veterans of Foreign Wars Hall , made sure no one was around and took their Christmas decorations . What the fuck ? This story sent me into a fit of frustrated rage . I can 't go get their decor back and the VFW Hall is too far away for me to go visit with cookies and sympathy . I can 't find the chubby , bald man and the woman with it and shout that they 're odious creatures , stealing from our vets and they probably don 't even know what odious means ! The news is referring to them as a couple of Grinches instead of assholes , probably because they can 't use the word ' asshole ' on the morning news . When I was working retail , it was right about now , the week before the 25th when we started to say " Merry Fucking Christmas ! " in the break room . Joy , fellowship and goodwill towards man were all lost due to long lines and the fact that we didn 't have a book scheduled to be published in 60 days in stock already . This is definitely an MFC moment . So , if you are going to be addressing holiday cards and have a couple extra go to : Anysoldier . com to request an address so you can send a card to the troops overseas . Now , I must go try and restore my Christmas spirit , The Santa Clause anyone ? Let 's see . 2000 - 2010 . We started in San Jose and ended up in Austin , just in relocations the decade was incredible . We moved from San Jose to Seattle , then Seattle to Los Angeles , then within the Los Angeles area , then Los Angeles to Vancouver BC , then Vancouver to L . A . and L . A . to Austin . Our life in Austin has stretched to almost double the amount of time we 've spent in any other city . We were in the L . A . area for three years when Zoe was a baby , but that was split between two different homes . We were in the same apartment in San Jose for the entire 2 1 / 2 years we were there . Here , we 've been in the same spot for four years . A record ! We 've been able to get not only one dog but two ! I became a mother not once but twice . I got a sensible car and joined the mother 's club in my area , where ever that might be . No one was more surprised than me when it turned out I liked the stay at home mom gig . I started blogging and made friends all over the world . I went crazy for a little while but I got better . I turned 30 , my belly filled with a baby girl we 'd already named Zoe . I got the courage to start taking photographs just for the joy of it and was pleased when I took good ones . I started painting , again pleased when I was good at it . I made history in the last Presidential election . I never felt so empowered as a citizen of the United States as when I cast my ballot ! I did have to give up some dreams , something that comes with the territory of parenthood and realizing that the rules actually apply to me , that I will get older and these kids will grow up . But , I got some new ones . I 'm not ready to share those yet , but the day may come . I was paid for my writing for the first time . I got the courage to give life some lipstick and told it to kiss my ass . I did a lot of things that convinced me I can be fearless and strong , compassionate and generous , vulnerable and sad . I 'm still the Amazing Amanda , the one who produced cold beers from her purse like magic . I may actually qualify as the crazy / cool mom of Zoe and Will who Amanda 's beauty tip of the day : If you are working retail this time of year and your feet are killing you , sit on the edge of the bathtub and stick them under running hot water , then cold , then hot again . It will surprise you how much of a difference this makes . That was the day we locked ourselves inside to watch people die on television . It was the day that made us feel unsafe to this day . It was the day that was executed by a wealthy , religious zealot or our own government depending on who you talk to . We saw the fall of Saddam Hussein while a decadence and luxury chasing consumerism rose to levels never seen before . Katrina flooded New Orleans while the rest of the world watched in confusion as aid did not arrive and the body count rose . Celebrity sex tapes ceased to be scandalous and bubble - gum pop made a comeback . Paris Hilton called herself the blond icon of the decade and , sadly , she was right . American Idol told us what to like . " Reality " television made stars out of badly behaved rich people . Oprah explained how to do everything exactly the way she did . Sitcoms went away in favor of crime dramas , then came back and Tony Soprano lived and died . We shocked the world by electing a black man President , causing people to run through the streets yelling " Yes we did ! Yes we did ! " But everyone made history either voting for President Obama or voting for the first woman Republican VP candidate . The Tea Party rose up in the face of the huge changes trying to happen with righteous indignation and Sarah Palin as their lipsticked leader . Meth replaced crack as the evil drug , but is the first to shift around the floorplan of your brain . Harry Potter held us spellbound and vampires sparkled . A mother demanded and explanation , Michael Moore staged his documentaries and Morgan Spurlock went on a McDonald 's binge . Everyone got on Facebook and Twitter making narcissism a national pastime . The fallout from this decade will most likely still be alive and well when my children graduate from high school . My grandchildren will ask me where I was when the Twin Towers came down or if I voted for Obama or how people bought marijuana before it was legal . An historical decade to be sure . Tomorrow , I 'll tell you about how the last ten years changed my life for good or better . The Hip Housewife has been busy the last couple of days ! I apologise for not updating for the last two days , but , I 've been running around getting ready for the fine winter holiday to come . Thursday , I went to the holiday Senior 's Day Out tossed by the organization I volunteer with . I like going to Senior 's Day Out . I sit with a group of ladies and play cards and ask them about their grandkids . Miss Roxie has told me she 'll teach me how to play dominos one of these days . There 's a style called " Chicken Foot " she says is fun . For the party , I picked up Miss Sadie , a wonderful 74 year old woman who worked assembling bombs at the armory in Kansas for 35 years . She 's awesome . It was too cold for her to stand outside , so I let her smoke in my car . She can smoke a cigarette without actually touching it with her hands . She can keep it dangling on her lip , talk , inhale and exhale all without touching it . She also tosses stuff out the car window without a second thought about it , butts , tissues , gum wrappers , it all goes out the window . When the ' Don 't Litter ' campaign began , they may have been targeting Miss Sadie specifically . There 's another woman I usually take to the Senior 's Day Out but she 's in the hospital right now . Miss Dorothy had bronchitis not long ago and I 'm worried it 's turned into pneumonia or something like that . I miss seeing her . Miss Dorothy also smokes but ashes into her hand and puts the ashes into a tissue to throw away later . Both of them hide their smoking from the sons they live with , which cracks me up . When we arrived , all the other volunteers at the party were wearing Christmas sweaters and jingle bell necklaces and they handed us bingo cards as we came in , vintage ones with the little plastic slidie things to mark the squares . I like to play bingo . I liked it as a kid in school and I like it now . I 'm lucky at it too . Scott and I went on a cruise in 1999 where I won $ 500 at bingo , cash in my hot little hand . It was no different at the party . While the numbers were being called you could have heard a pin drop , it was so quiet . Every other time I 've been to the Day Out parties there 's a lot of hub - bub . There are two tables that call themselves " The Talk Tables " because they don 't play cards or cribbage or listen to a volunteer read , they just talk . And because the ladies are all older , they talk pretty loud . When I was helping clear away coffee cups and plates during the break , I told them I was surprised they were being so quiet . They told me they were too . We were told right up front that the volunteers couldn 't win anything , just the clients ! Well , fine ! I decided that if I got bingo , I 'd give it to Miss Sadie . I hit bingo on the third game ! Then I hit again soon after and gave it to the lady on my other side . By the time bingo was over and we were going to serve lunch , I 'd gotten bingo five times , sharing them all out with the ladies around me . They all went home with nutcrackers or other holiday decorations . Then I 'd swap cards with them so I 'd have different numbers to work with . The other volunteers said when they saw me start moving around , talking to clients , they knew I 'd won again . This made me laugh heartily . I really should start going to the real bingo games where I can win money or at least a turkey . I wished all the ladies a happy holiday and took Miss Sadie to get some more smokes before I took her home . Then I went home myself to clean a couple bathrooms before I fetched Will from preschool . And now , I will be dashing throught the house in my one pocket apron over the floors and stairs , sweating all the way . Ha ha ha ! We 're having our annual tree trimming party on Sunday afternoon . I 'm going to make a couple of chocolate mousse pies to serve our guests . I make a really good chocolate mousse . Ask anyone who has had the joy of tasting my chocolate mousse how good it is , they 'll tell you it 's great . I use the recipe from the 1997 edition of The Joy of Cooking . I have multiple editions of The Joy of Cooking because each one is a little different . The 1961 editions I have include instructions on how to skin a squirrel and a recipe for headcheese , which looks damned disgusting especially when it 's suggested to serve with creamed brains . The 1997 edition is the only one that includes the mince pie Scott likes so much and this chocolate mousse recipe . I got down my tattered cookbook so I could start my shopping list . It 's splattered with various drops of stuff I 've cooked , pages are dog - eared and written on and sections have come separated from the spine . As a matter of fact , the mince pie recipe fell out somewhere along the way . But , a friend of mine typed it out from her cookbook and sent it to me in an email . I 've printed it and I now have it in my personal recipe cookbook . Well , if you didn 't see this coming , the chocolate mousse recipe is gone as well . I don 't know what happens to these pages . I know if a page fell out and I found it , I wouldn 't have tossed it . I don 't think Scott would either . Where do they go ? Do they go the same place bobby pins go ? Or washcloths ? Or screwdrivers ? Are all these items together at a safe house ? Did they all witness some terrible crime between household furnishings and have been taken into witness protection ? Did they get transported to a house in another neighborhood where they wouldn 't be recognized and set up in a new utensil drawer ? Maybe that 's what 's up with the shoes I see in the street , they were caught ratting out the hangers in the coat closet . Seriously , where do the shoes in the street come from ? There aren 't any skid marks or signs of an accident , why are there shoes in the middle of the street ? I 'm assuming they are flung from the window of a moving automobile as a joke or a punishment . I mean , I can see that happening . I tossed a few things out car windows as a teenager . A couple of friends threw a couple of my things out of car windows but never my shoes . Then again , I would have yanked that glass ashtray out of my purse and smashed the person trying to take my shoes in the mouth , so I 'm probably a bad example . And why do my children 's expensive toys vanish while the Happy Meal playthings hang around for years ? The freebie carnival prizes will still be in this house when my grandchildren are coming to visit , but the fire engine that makes noises ? That 'll be long gone or will surface in one of the neighbor 's yards when they dig a pool . But I digress , I still need my chocolate mousse recipe . Lucky for me I know how to use the world wide net . I not only found the recipe , I found a number of message boards where people like me discuss the pros and cons of the different editions of The Joy of Cooking . There are a couple of sites I found dedicated to hard core collectors of not only the various editions but the first editions of each one . I prefer the broken in and messed up cookbooks from the sixties and seventies I find at the thrift store that feature photos of hideous dishes . And yes , I most certainly have heard about the Gallery of Regrettable Food . My friend Deb has a lovely collection of these she got from her family , she lets me leaf through them when we get together at her place . Sadly , none of them have a chocolate mousse recipe although they do include things like Sweet and Sour Tuna and cabbage in gelatin . Scott 's car broke down on Saturday and had to be towed to our neighborhood mechanic . He 's a cool guy , honest , friendly . He reminds us of our mechanic in California only organized and cleaner . One thing I stress about when we move is finding a mechanic . If I don 't know anyone how do I find a person who maintain our cars ? Even when you get recoommendations it 's a toss - up . In San Jose we went to the mechanic a couple of my co - workers told me about and the guys sucked . They lied , they didn 't fix stuff , they took a really long time , a bad scene all the way around . But here , we have a great place only half a mile away , so we can drop off for inspections or oil changes and walk home . And the owner really likes being our neighborhood mechanic , it 's what he wants . He understands that if you treat your customers honestly and well , they 'll tell their friends he 's an honest mechanic . Anyway , Scott 's car is in the shop . We have one car for a couple of days and since Will has preschool today , I drove Scott to work . We were out of coffee filters this morning , making the creation of coffee challenging . We tried the paper towel method , which didn 't go so well . My excellent friends Greg and Jenn gave us a french press at Halloween , which slipped out of my hands when I was cleaning it last month and broke . No way to make coffee this morning . Let 's say that we were feeling the lack of caffiene . We opted to drive through Starbucks on our way to drop Will off at school . Besides , there are Peppermint Mochas right now . We pulled up to the window and were told our total was only six dollars since the person in front of us paid for one of our drinks . Can I tell you that made my morning ? How cool is that ? I thought random acts of kindness went out with the 1990s . The first thing I said to Scott was that I 'd have to do that for someone else some day soon . It keeps the good karma going around and around and around . I really like little things like that . They make me happy . I now will go on to do a little thing like that for someone else in hopes of making them happy . And it was yum yum yummy ! Amanda 's beauty tip of the day : Very , very few women look good in a turtleneck . Go with the odds and don 't wear one . One thing I look forward to about the holiday season is watching Christmas movies . I don 't count " It 's a Wonderful Life " because I watch that all year long . I like the scene in the bar when the angel asks for some weird flaming drink and they get tossed out . Among my favorites are Scrooged with Bill Murray , The Santa Clause , Elf , and Christmas Vacation . I finally noticed last year that during scene where Randy Quaid and Chevy Chase are walking through Wal - Mart , Randy Quaid has a really big dildo down his pants . Of course , now , that 's all I look at . Scott and I have the tradition of watching the Patrick Stewart A Christmas Carol on Christmas Eve after the kids have gone to bed . We have stilton cheese and port with the fire going , it 's a very relaxing but festive event . A Muppet Christmas Carol gave Scott one of his life philosophies " If you want to know the measure of a man , you simply count his friends . " And Gonzo and Rizzo the Rat are friggin ' hilarious . We watch this multiple times in the month of December . I 've got to include The Twilight Zone episode Night of the Meek when the drunk department store Santa find the magical bag that he can reach into and give people the gift they want or need . He goes into the poor neighborhoods and gives the kids the toys they ask for and passes out sweaters , canes and coats at the Salvation Army . Then the manager of the department store and the police chief accuse him of stealing , take his bag and pull out a bunch of garbage . A few seconds later our Santa gives them a bottle of cherry brandy complete with personalized gift tag . At the end of the show , he says he 'd like to do this every year , make people happy . Then he comes across the sleigh and reindeer and flies off into the sky . I 'm a sucker for this episode and I cry at the end . The kids also have their faves , they like Elf too even though they find the part with the sleigh a little scary . The All Dogs Christmas Carol , A Charlie Brown Christmas and some other character driven holiday movies . I can 't remember all of them . I 'm sure there 's one involving Hello Kitty . There are a couple My Little Pony holiday movies , why not Hello Kitty ? How funny would a Monster High Christmas special be ? The classic claymation shows have been airing on TV , on those nights the kids get to stay uTonight , we have Elf on the schedule . Maybe I 'll make spaghetti for dinner . Amanda 's beauty tip of the day : Buy a pair of inexpensive cotton gloves , they can be found at Target , The Body Shop and the dollar store sometimes , put a rich lotion on your hands then put on the gloves when you go to bed . This will keep your hands soft during the winter months . Zoe blindsided me with a question last night . I should preface this story with the fact that my daughter is nine , but she 's a young nine . She prefers younger kids to play with or kids who are still into toys , stuffed animals and playing pretend . There are some girls in her class who are heavy into Hannah Montana , Lady Gaga , the Pussycat Dolls and are reading teen magazines already . Not my Z , she 's still very much a child . Way back when she started kindergarten in California , her teacher told me we 'd obviously protected her , which she referred to as good parenting . She was still very much a little girl who was only exposed to age appropriate stuff . We didn 't let her watch PG - 13 movies , adult dramas and she spent a lot of time with other kids . She climbed up on my bed and hung on one of the posts . " Who do you think gave it to you ? " I asked her while she acted like a monkey . " Grammy and Papa ! They ate the cookies too ! " ( This made me think of the phrase ' They drank the Kool - aid ' probably the most inappropriate phrase to think of while having the Santa talk with my daughter . ) " Tell you what . We 'll make lots and lots of cookies this year and we can all have some . " Zoe liked this idea and I decided I 'd leave a note saying Santa left cookies for the kids . But I will keep that promise about the cookies . Amanda 's beauty tip of the day : If you have break - out prone skin but you get dry in the wintertime , try switching to Cetaphil for all skin types . Use a baby washcloth to gently exfoliate every second or third day . GENTLY ! Don 't rub . Life has completely gotten away from me this week . And the fact that today is Friday took me totally by surprise , I didn 't realize the week was going so fast until yesterday when I realized there was a Girl Scout meeting that evening and I panicked , running around getting everything together I needed . I 'm going to claim that I 'm not getting enough sleep to explain why I 'm dragging . First , it 's been cold and I haven 't been able to locate our extra blankets . The dogs chewed up my comforter , a pattern I loved and is hard to find anymore . I 'm pissed and hate everything else I look at , bitter that celestial isn 't as popular as it was in the mid - 1990 's . I going to paint you dumb mutts ! Anyway , this is a layer of bedding we don 't have anymore and haven 't replaced yet . The quilts and throws I can find are too short . I 'm trying various positioning , putting it on the bed like a diamond instead of a square so it will go over my feet . But it doesn 't work and I end up contorting myself to keep myself under the covers . Toss into the mix the two 30 pound dogs who sleep with us . If it 's a good night , Peavey will curl up on Scott 's feet and Gibson will burrow under the covers , curling up against my stomach and putting his head on my hip . This helps hugely when I 'm trying to stay warm , I can hug my puppy and feel toasty . But , if it 's a bad night , the animals will plop right on top of the blankets , leaving me only a sliver . Then I have to kick the dogs around until I can get fully under the covers . Or , they 'll decide they want to sleep on the pillows with us . Sometimes I have to give up and move out to the couch where only one of them can get up with me , which is easier to deal with . And my four year old son climbs in bed with us every night . Why do we still allow this ? Because he operates via stealth . He gets in bed with us without waking anyone up , then when I feel uncomfortable I wake up to discover that my son has come into my room and practically pushed me out of bed . I 'll move up to his bed , which is the most comfortable one in the house anyway . I 'm not kidding , we call his bed " The Bed of Doom " because if you lay down on it , you go to sleep . My mom , who suffers from horrid insomnia , even in her own bed , sleeps like a rock in Will 's bed . I have to close the door or the dogs will come get in bed with me . I 'll sleep in Will 's bed until he wakes up , finds that I 've moved elsewhere and comes to find me . Then the process starts all over again . He opens the door , the dogs rush in , he gets in bed with me and I end up with a teeny corner of the blanket . If it 's close to five a . m . I 'll give up and just get up , hoping that Will will stay conked out and not follow me to the living room . With all these nighttime dramas I drag through my day , trying to get stuff done . I drink too much coffee to try and compensate , then I can 't focus on any one task long enough to finish it so I end up trying to multitask but that doesn 't work either , the end result being I make messes and feel frustrated . I stay up late to try and achieve my simple goals , the process repeats and I start the next day more tired and scattered than ever . I 'm thinking I should let it all go today and only do my bare minimum of tasks before making the other residents of this house assist me this weekend . That sounds good . Where 's the coffee ? Oh ! Ellen 's on ! I did go out shopping the day after Thanksgiving , but not early and not to really buy anything . I went to see what Santa might think about spending for my kids . Lots and lots of possibilities for the fat man in the red suit to ponder . Did you know there 's a Nerf dart gun that comes with a bandoleer foam dart holder for quick reloading ? The Monster High dolls were gone at eleven in the morning . There were a bunch of clothing racks pushed back to make room for piles of inexpensive goods . I stopped in front of a big cube made from EZ Bake Ovens . Those suckers were only twenty bucks ! That 'd be a good one for Zoe . She likes to bake and this would give her an over of her own . Then I thought , wait , I have an oven . I have a real , working oven , why would we need a light bulb in a box ? Shoot we could make a box oven , we have a box , we have aluminum foil , we can get the stuff to make a light bulb on a cord and we have a utility knife to cut a hole in the box for the light bulb on a cord . As a matter of fact , that 's something Scott could do with the kids over the winter break . I decided that Santa would be delivering Zoe a basket of small cake pans , cake mixes and kitchen gear that would be just hers . Then we could make a cake together and share the sweets . That would make her very happy . Once that plan was made , I wandered around and ended up giggling at the intensity of the people in the store with me . Almost everyone was on a cell phone . It was too early to call my sister and now her line is going to voice mail , can you walk over and ask her if she wants me to get these for her ? I 'm going to put them in my cart and wait for you to call me back . What do you think about getting a vacuum for mom ? No , I 'm not kidding . Toy section , jammed . Electronics , jammed . Aisles around the inexpensive piles on the aisles , jammed . Endcaps with little gifty sets had a bunch of people crowded around them . I 've always liked shopping at the busiest times . I like wading through the crowds , humming Christmas music and dragging my bags around . It 's why I like to go out on Black Friday , even if I don 't buy anything . And funny things happen , I was once in Barnes and Noble , waiting in a huge line to buy a book for my dad . One of the managers came over the loudspeaker " Barnes and Noble customers , we are aware that the lines are very long , but it is Christmas time . " The guy in front of me and I looked at each other and burst out laughing . It was so ridiculous for anyone to even complain about how long the line was on the 22nd of December at 6 : 30 p . m . , then the silly announcement , it was all hilarious . One year when I was working at B & N , a woman in her eighties with a walker came around the wrong way towards the registers . One of the employees looked towards the other people waiting with her eyebrows up , the majority of whom nodded that it was okay for her to help this elderly woman out of turn . As she hobbled up , the man who was next shouted " Hey ! There is a line here ! " And every customer at the counter turned and looked at him before turning back to the register to ask to see books behind the counter , make chit - chat , buy gift certificates , ask for change and make this jerk wait longer . Everyone who was witnessing this spectacle was stifling giggles and laughed out loud when he got pissed and stormed out . Working in the housewares department at a department store , I sold three breadmakers in 2 hours to men wandering in between 6 and 8 a . m . on the 24th looking for something for their wives . I pointed to pre - gift wrapped breadmakers , on sale for $ 95 . Sold ! I have witnessed people meandering around stores saying " uh . . . . uh . . . . . uh . . . . . Oh ! Oh , no . Uh . . . . uhh . . " We 're going to go out this weekend to get a new artificial tree , a small one . We 'll get a big one on clearance after the 25th . But , it 's going to be fun walking around watching people be confused and make phone calls . I should find instructions on how to make an oven in a box to make sure I have all the supplies for later this month . I 'm a graduate of the Escoffier School of Culinary Arts and a judgmental snob when it comes to restaurants . I know how food is supposed to taste . I 've eaten a lot of food . I love food . I love that I live in a city that is getting to be really important food wise . I have a friend who comes with me on my eating adventures who 's just as big a restaurant snob as I am . I also have a couple of great kids who love Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and Goldfish crackers . View my complete profile |
Posted on January 26 , 2017January 26 , 2017 by Henry Neufeld Colonel Anders Dogger , now a rebel , or worse , part of the alien menace , pulled up into the opening of the canyon where Traitor Tad was said to be hiding . The entrance was guarded by a small self - propelled gun . Beside it stood a Lieutenant in the planetary assualt forces . To Dogger 's left as he faced the entrance was a small compound , not really fenced in , but marked by rocks and brush , in which stood a number of military personnel , some in planetary assault uniforms , along with a number in military police uniforms . As Dogger approached the canyon and seemed to be bypassing them , they waved and shouted . " Over here Colonel ! Over here ! " It took Dogger several seconds to realize that they thought his arrival in a command tank meant they were about to be rescued . The remainder of his battalion was trying to create a perimeter around the area . The canyon 's defenses were a bad joke . The waiting lieutenant saluted . " Colonel Dogger ? Lt . Sam Walad . I 'm functioning as a chief of staff around here , for what that 's worth . " " I see , " said Dogger , who didn 't see at all . Half the military forces on the planet were supposedly doing something about Traitor Tad , yet here he was at the supposed center of the action , and there was a canyon , a huge number of natives , what looked like three shuttles , a couple of them damaged , but probably flyable , and some prisoners who thought they were being rescued . Dogger couldn 't figure out which part of the scene was the most bizarre . And Walad headed up the canyon . Where aliens were in their way , they parted quickly , and Walad took Dogger into a small cave . There sat a man in the uniform of a tank commander , rank of captain , with a information systems interface station in front of him . He got up as Walad and Dogger approached . Tad looked behind Dogger . " And this is ? " he asked , looking at the relatively small woman who followed the Colonel . She was so unobtrusive that Dogger had not even noticed that she was following . Of course , he had more or less expected her to do that . " We have , using ' we ' advisedly since we all seem to be traitors or defectors here , about 12 divisions of infantry on this planet , backed up by a division of armor , and with a planetary assault division to do the heavy lifting on landing . All this is divided into three corps , with an armored brigade assigned to each , and the assault division operating independently . Theoretically , each corps was to occupy one of the three larger land areas on the planet and sweep outward after the assault division secured a good landing zone for it . " At the time of your defection , sir , " Dogger looked pointedly at Tad , even though he outranked him , " all of the land - based elements of those three corps were on the ground . That 's around 100 , 000 infantry , plus about 8 , 000 men in the tank division , and perhaps 7 , 000 in the assault division . The reason I sum that up is that right now , according to the assessment I was given , over half of those are either fighting you or searching for you , and nothing suggested that perhaps a couple hundred were fighting and the rest searching . There are supposed to be pitched battles . Not a few shuttles and a handful of personnel . " The Colonel just looked at him . He was trying to decide if Tad was incredibly phlegmatic , a complete idiot , or trying to play some sort of mind game . It was almost enough to make one believe in the alien menace . " We don 't really know anything , " said Tad again . " Think about it . When I was commanding my tank and chasing aliens , I knew that the aliens were dangerous and I knew that any moment I could find myself in a fight to the death . At that point in my life I knew that this assault was necessary , lest the aliens build up the strength to assault earth and put an end to the human species . Further , I knew that there had been fighting everywhere . I knew that I was lucky to have avoided those hot spots . " " Tad 's right . " Neither she nor Dogger had used Tad 's rank . " Well , to a certain extent . If all of earth and its colonies can be convinced there 's a war on , that there 's an alien menace , and that assaulting this planet , not to mention dozens of others , is an essential part of preserving humanity in the galaxy , then what level of deception isn 't possible ? At the same time , we have a ' deception ' that cuts into a previous ' deception ' and doesn 't seem to work well with it . " " Have any of you encountered an alien capable of fighting ? " asked Tad . " This is only my second landing , and in the first one , there wasn 't even a pretense that there were intelligent aliens . It was just occupation of the real estate to deny it to the aliens . " " I was on a landing where there was fighting , " said Dogger . " But the aliens there had primitive technology . Early firearms . Fairly decent swords that were a threat if you jumped out of your tank and held still . But no fighting that was actually competitive . Some of the veterans there called us wusses because it was so easy . They had assaulted a planet where the enemy had anti - tank lasers that could blast one of our tanks in a moment . Whether they were telling the truth or not , I don 't know . " " OK , " continued Blanchard . " That 's enough for our basic assumption . We 're not really assuming it 's true . It 's a starting point . It can be revised as facts become available . " " So what do they need ? They need some examples , they need wounded people , they need battles ( or reports of them ) , but they don 't need enough casualties to make people begin questioning . In particular , they don 't need someone alive , such as you , Tad , to suggest to other people that there 's a problem . That 's why they hang the traitors . A hung traitor doesn 't ask questions . His family doesn 't come to visit him . Nobody wants to admit knowing him or being his friend . A live traitor with access to media , however , is another matter . " " So what you 're saying is that I 'm a glitch that went too far . If I 'd been hung , I would have fit the plan as you 're imagining it - and I admit your imagination matches mine on this point , which it would even if we 're under alien control - but now what are they doing . Why don 't they clean up the mess ? " " Yes . If he 'd been hung quickly , there would be no reason for him to have success . But since he escaped once , they need it to take a long time to shut him down . " Blanchard was looking at Dogger . " I don 't think so , " said Blanchard . " I think things are spinning out of control just a bit . The reports and the reality that people see are too far out of sync , and information offices don 't know what to do with it . " " The shuttles can fly themselves . The gun can operate independently . I 'm wondering if your tanks can take off and patrol on their own . " Traitor Tad looked meaningfully at Dogger . " That 's all . Thanks ! " he said . It was the first time he had ever said " thanks " to his tank . Come to think of it , he had never heard anyone do that . " I don 't think the rank matters very much , " said Dogger . " I 've been thinking of Tad here as the civilian head of this new movement . He has the cooperation of the AIs . The aliens like him . I think we 'll continue . " He paused for a moment . " I would recommend that you get out of uniform and act like a civilian chief . You could always award yourself a couple of general 's stars , but that always looks tacky . A retired sergeant can be in charge . A retired captain can as well . Posted on August 18 , 2012 by After 30 years as a reality show star , Rafael decided he wanted to do something real . Something important . He examined his considerable bank account and decided to run for congress . So just as he 'd done when he picked his next reality show , he started to research . After studying the various political consultants he found there was one , known just as Kev , who had a 100 % win record . His real name , so far as anyone could tell , was Kevin Smith , but nobody called him that any more . He had his name trademarked . His prices were several times what anyone else 's were , but with his record , he could charge them and afford to be selective . Now Rafael thought of himself as a pretty special person , much superior to the blips . " Blip " was the slang term for someone who spent their entire life on Basic Living Payments . With the advance of automation very few people were actually required to work . Basic Living Payments were quite adequate to live a reasonable lifestyle . The only problem was that one felt rather useless , provided one bothered with such feelings . And there was plenty of entertainment to keep one 's mind occupied . Entertainment . That was the key . Entertainers still had jobs . One could , of course , fake it . Animated movies were barely distinguishable from ones done with live actors ( if that ) . At the same time , however , there had been a revival of plays . Well , that , and reality shows . Shows that were certified to place real humans at real risk . Not massive risk , but real . And Rafael had been a reality show great . But now he wanted to do something important , so he sent off a message to Kev . ( Nobody bothered with the " e " in e - mail any more . There was no snailmail . ) He thought it was likely that Kev would ignore him . After all , he had no political experience at all . But Kev responded almost immediately . He asked for a face to face chat . Now this no longer meant that they would get together , but rather than they would communicate electronically in real - time complete with 3D video . Kev looked at Rafael for a few moments after they connected . " I already checked , and you can afford my services . The question is , do you want to work for me ? " " I thought you would be deciding whether you wanted to work with me , " said Rafael . " After all , I 'm a political novice . I might not be winning material . " " Let 's see then . We need a " look " for you , " said Kev . He produced an image on the screen . It fit with Rafael 's body type and general size , but it was both more heroic in expression and yet more common in general appearance . " Now we need a history . " Kev started to outline some points . It left Rafael with time for the reality shows he 'd starred in , and it appeared Kev knew precisely when he 'd been recording the shows and accounted for the time correctly . At other times , according to this time , he 'd been involved in other sports and some intellectual activities , most of which he couldn 't really identify . " Nobody has to know that . Besides , isn 't the point of most of those things to have done them ? Well , you 're just buying the ' have done ' cheap . " Posted on October 19 , 2011January 15 , 2017 by Henry Neufeld The morning after the hangings were displayed to the whole system , Tad was still concentrating on the logical problems with his situation . Here they were on a planet with effectively no defense , but nobody really seemed to notice . He remembered that he had always assumed the real fighting was somewhere else , yet he thought he would have gotten suspicious given a few more hours . The idea of carrying out a massacre just didn 't sit very well with him , and he thought others might feel the same way . When he presented the problem to the shuttle AI , it refused to explain it to him , saying that human behavior was something he 'd have to figure out on his own . He then asked if there had been real battles with real aliens elsewhere , or whether it was all a sham . The shuttle stated that there had been real battles , though not all of them had been reported precisely as they had happened . Asked for examples , the shuttle just said he needed to be more specific . This is a work of fiction . All persons , places , and events are products of my imagination . It is part of my Traitor Tad science fiction series . Copyright © Henry E . Neufeld . In a moment he heard the call : " Traitor Tad , this is Colonel Dogger , commanding an armored battalion . Please respond . " The voice sounded professional , but he could hear extreme stress in the tone . The protocol was bad - only callsigns were used ; never personal names , but since he would neither have a callsign , nor could he be expected to recognize the Colonel 's callsign , he could understand the reasoning . " I 'm moving toward your position . I intend to defect , but my intentions have become known . I 'm currently being pursued by a total of four battalions . If you have access to intelligence networks , I need information on enemy deployments . " Colonel Roland Dogger watched as his display altered . He had been cut off from the network as someone at the division 's headquarters got an idea of what he was doing . Since Traitor Tad had defected , any sort of unusual behavior was deemed sufficient cause to remove an officer from command . He 'd been ordered to stand down , and then abruptly he 'd lost all information from the net outside his own vehicles . He knew he was being pursued , but he had no precise information . Now suddenly at Traitor Tad 's command his screens lit up with the information he was used to , read from satellites and various observation posts . He knew precisely where his pursuers were , and the picture wasn 't good . He had been certain of pursuit by four battalions , and they were closer than he had thought . He was surprised they hadn 't used indirect fire on him . The tank guns were primarily designed for direct fire and relatively short ranges . In this terrain , it was not the guns ' ranges that normally limited fire ; it was the terrain . At need they could be elevated and used as basic artillery . At four battalions to one , he was pretty sure he 'd lose that duel . Yes the 4 to 1 odds made sense of the closer approach as well . Single shots from these tanks could disable and even possibly destroy the target vehicle , and the person who knew what was over the hill had every chance of firing that crucial first shot . By approaching , they took away his chance to determine their position by backtracking their fire . He reflected on how totally dependent he was on the satellites . And how was it that Traitor Tad could get him a display ? He 'd just have to be thankful that he could ! Still , he could see no reasonable way out . His one advantage was that the attacking battalions would not quite be able to surround him . He was headed a bit north of due west , and only one battalion was to his north . Unfortunately , nothing he could think of would prevent the other three from getting a shot at him , and if he wasn 't careful , so would the fourth which was coming in from the north . Then he thought of the ECM gear . They hadn 't used it in some time . He had trained on it , but since there were no detectible electronic signals here , they hadn 't really tried to use it . His main question was whether such measures would work against his own forces - or what had been his forces - or whether he 'd show up with his exact position because he was still part of the net . He called Tad again . " Am I still in the same location net with the brigade ? " he asked . " Will they be able to see my precise position if I try countermeasures ? " He looked at the courses being taken by the three battalions to the south , and he saw that they converged in the area . The general had obviously seen the same possibility . He 'd expect Dogger to avoid the location . But Dogger felt that the general would assume he 'd run straight and fast as he had been doing . One possibility of his countermeasures was to divert radiation , including light and reflected radiation in such a was as to show his position as something different than it was . It was a particularly easy sort of deception to see through , either with a little thought or by having your own electronic warfare specialists simply look for it . The more tanks were involved , the more likely it was someone would spot discrepancies in the reflected radiation especially , and he had 37 main battle tanks and an assortment of smaller vehicles and infantry transports . ( See Military Units in Traitor Tad 's Universe . ) He was right - up to a point . As he came up along side the cliffs , the general 's staff did , in fact , spot the issues with his electronic deception , but the initial operator saw it as a shadow battalion , one that was positioned almost due west of Dogger 's battalion . This placed it at the top of the cliff , and suggested that there were two battalions , one approaching the base of the cliffs , and one south and west of it , positioned to fire as the rest of the brigade approached . It was like a scene from the worst hell the general had ever imagined . He had never been in a fight with serious casualties from hostile fire , and suddenly he was faced with a surprise attack from 37 main battle tanks . That wouldn 't have been sufficient , however , except that he was being told there were several more battalions of rebels . He had no idea how they could be there ; his was the only armored brigade in the area . Without even pausing to try to return fire , which might not have been possible in any case , he ordered the remaining tanks to retreat , leaving 20 disabled tanks on the field . A number of those still able to retreat were severely damaged . Dogger took no casualties at all , if one didn 't count a single tank whose engine failed . The crew was taken aboard the nearest tank and Dogger and his battalion continued to their rendezvous with the great traitor . Posted on December 29 , 2010January 15 , 2017 by Henry Neufeld By afternoon , the area was filling with aliens , and Tad was beginning to wonder just how they could all eat . It didn 't seem that they were expecting him to solve that problem , however , so he decided to work on problems that he could at least comprehend . The first one that came to mind was the need to deal with his prisoners . This is a work of fiction . All persons , places , and events are products of my imagination . It is part of my Traitor Tad science fiction series . Copyright © Henry E . Neufeld . Another thing that puzzled Tad was that there had been no further attacks . He knew there were several armored divisions on the ground on this planet , and quite a lot of air and space power , and he knew that the aliens were not actually providing any opposition . Surely the commanders of their force would be able to divert enough firepower to eliminate him and his few pieces of equipment . So why didn 't they ? He couldn 't figure that out , so he dismissed it from his mind and went to deal with the problems he could handle . He had asked the Shuttle 's AI what it thought he should do with the prisoners . It said it had no opinion . He figured he 'd have to ask it sometime how you could keep more than 200 , 000 troops on a planet and in orbit with no real enemy , and not have someone start asking questions . For a moment he thought the prisoners were going to trample him , but then the gun fired one shot into the ground between him and them , and they stopped . There was quite a lot of confusion before they settled into some form of order . There were about half a dozen in front who seemed ready to talk to them , but it quickly became clear there was no agreed upon spokesman . He raised his hand for silence , but nothing changed . He yelled " Hey ! " but nothing changed . Finally he yelled " Silence ! " at the top of his lungs . The gun tracked back and forth across the front of the group , and silence actually fell . Tad thought it would take some time to get used to the idea of weapons with initiative . That left him with another question : Why would machines intelligent enough to have initiative simply travel about serving human masters , masters who were apparently less capable than they were ? He almost missed the opportunity presented by the silence by letting his mind wander . " I have a solution to your problem and mine . Any of you who want to are free to go . I know that the aliens will simply let you walk through them . You can hike to the nearest good landing area and then call for help on your personal communicators which will be returned to you . " Tad had no idea why , but he took a step back . He thought the prisoners would be delighted and leave immediately , but instead a vigorous and almost violent argument broke out . There were three general groups . One group thought the best thing to do was to go back right away if the aliens would let them . Another thought that if they did that , there was no way they wouldn 't be considered traitors . This second group thought that the first group would get executed if they weren 't just gunned down where they stood when they called for pickup . The third group left Tad stunned . Out of the 56 surviving prisoners , it looked like about a dozen thought the best thing to do was to join up with Tad . When their leader , a young Lieutenant in the Planetary Assault Forces , expressed that idea , actually fighting broke out . A little more yelling and some action from the gun and the dozen were separated from the rest . That still didn 't settle the issue for the other two groups . The young lieutenant stepped forward . " I 'm Lieutenant Sam Walad . I 'd suggest you let me join you . I think you could use some help . " " I 'm analyzing the record right now . " There was a pause . " It would be safe to accept the Lieutenant 's word , " the shuttle stated . He walked back over and held out his hand , but the Lieutenant offered him a salute . He returned it . " Well , Lieutenant , " he said . " I guess you 'd better figure out something to do with the remaining prisoners since they won 't leave . " It was a very silent group that watched the images the shuttle relayed about a day later . The Lieutenant had indeed been right . And while those that had not yet joined Tad 's group didn 't come over , they ceased to present a problem . Posted on August 18 , 2009January 15 , 2017 by Henry Neufeld [ This is a work of fiction . Copyright © 2009 , Henry E . Neufeld . It is part of the Traitor Tad Series . ) There was a moment of silence , as though I , in turn , had stunned the computer . " You have been convicted of treason . Are you concerned about violating a regulation ? " I ran toward the cargo hold and saw that the aft hatch had been opened for me already . As I ran I said , " I am only a mediocre gunner . I hope I don 't hit you . " " This unit is fully aware of your gunnery scores . ' Mediocre ' is perhaps optimistic as a description of your gunnery . But this unit will interlock the controls to prevent you from firing on it . You can fire without fear . " I continue to run . The weapon is actually fairly small . What makes it a power rifle is the huge power pack , control system , and mount . This will move by hovering , and has a seat for the gunner . There is a controlling computer , but I had no idea it would be possible for there to be a safety interlock preventing friendly fire accidents . Why had we never use it ? I rode the gun 's transport out into the canyon . The aliens moved to allow me to pass without climbing too high . As soon as I was headed toward the canyon mouth I saw that the tactical display showed the attacking shuttles and my own shuttle along with the position of the gun . I could sit in the mouth of the canyon and fire . The shuttles were armed troop transports - there were no unarmed ones - it surprised me again that there were no covering fighters . It appeared also that the shuttles were headed toward the canyon mouth , which meant that it was likely they were planning to drop off troops , likely only firing from the air on their approach . They would not expect me in the air , since they knew I was not a skilled pilot , and for an inexperienced person to take one shuttle against their two , even loaded with troops , would be suicide . As soon as they came into sight I began to fire . The tactical display warned me that I was out of range so I stopped and waited for the extreme range indicator , and then began to fire again . They ignored me and began to fire at my shuttle . I was surprised to see the direct approach the shuttle was taking . Surely it could make use of terrain . I began to worry . I didn 't do it intentionally , but inevitably my shuttle crossed my line of fire , and firing stopped momentarily . The interlock was working . Suddenly I had a disturbing suspicion . " Active , " it responded . I had not known up to that time that a self - propelled gun such as this responded to voice commands . I knew there was no technological reason why it should not , but I had simply never used it in that fashion . Instantly the gun focused on one of the approaching shuttles and began to fire . I just watched . The fight was anticlimactic . I saw simply that my shuttle and my gun were almost absolutely accurate while the shuttles were clearly both more heavily loaded and thus slower , and also lacked the fine control . Both were shot down within seconds . They crash landed , rather than crashing . Out of more than 50 troops and aircrews only one was dead , and two were seriously injured . The shuttles would not take off without maintenance , but it was conceivable that they could be repaired . Slowly it begins to come back to me . I 'm Captain Tad Tillman , a tank company commander in the Terran Defenders , charged with combating the alien menace . I should be out commanding my tanks in the invasion of , oh , I can 't remember the number . Some planet somewhere , inhabited by aliens . That 's the job of the Terran Defenders - get them before they get us . My eyes are adjusting slowly to the light . My head aches and makes concentration impossible . This room looks something like the inside of a tree . The shape looks natural , with none of the straight lines and sharp edges so beloved by humans . The light is dim and diffuse . It looks like I 'm on the inside of one of the native dwellings . I 've been inside one or two of these dwellings over the last few days . I am excessively curious , or so my superiors have always told me . I haven 't let on , but the native dwellings are extremely interesting . It appears that they are produce by guided growth . I have seen no signs of the natives using tools . We were told in our briefing that they must , that the level of control they exercise over these growths means they must have some unknown tools using unknown power sources . The word " unknown " is designed to strike terror to our hearts . The alien menace operates by unknown means destroying human colonies and perverting various humans by unknown means . I fight the dread that rolls over me . I am inside an unknown dwelling built in an unknown way by unknown creatures . So why am I here ? Clearly something has gone wrong . For a moment I panic , thinking I have been captured by the aliens , a fate worse than death . We are told to take our own lives before capture . No ! Not that ! Now I begin to remember . There was the briefing . Major Nachson assigned us our target , admonished us to be careful and to avoid casualties . It was then that I mumbled to myself , " As if these aliens are capable of causing any casualties . " That would have done it . Nachson didn 't like me very much to start out with , and that line would have been enough for him . " Denying the alien menace , " was the informal name for the charge . The formal line in the law books was " treason . " It had built up to that point as the war progressed . At first people would be removed from their post and sent to bases near home , but that turned out to be an easy " out " for people who wanted soft duty . Soon people were sentenced to the brig , eventually for life . Now the standard sentence was death , administered in the field , with no appeal . That had to be the reason I had been put in this native dwelling . My life was over . Nachson would simply be waiting until he had a suitable audience and the proper video equipment before he had me hung . Oh yes , absolutely . Hanging had come back into fashion as the main means of execution for treason . I start to get up and examine my surroundings . Why should I do that ? I can hardly plan to escape . I would just be killed ? And the problem with being killed is what , I wonder . I might get shot instead of hung . Out here in the wilderness , half the time they bungled the hanging and you strangled to death over minutes . Perhaps getting shot would be a good idea . I look out what appears to the a door . It 's not blocked . A few feet away there 's a guard . He 's slouching against another plant - something like a tree - and looks like he 's daydreaming . Nobody else is in sight . Apparently they don 't expect me to try to escape . Why should they ? There 's nowhere to go . I 'm on an alien planet , with no equipment , and nothing but aliens and empty space around . Except , of course , for a crowd of humans who would be anxious to get rid of any alien menace denier . On the other hand , what difference would it make ? I might as well run as hang out here and wait . It was the work of moments to knock out my guard . I grab his equipment , most importantly a particle beam rifle , a knife , a PDU ( personal data unit ) , and some ration bars . The data unit will identify organic material that I can eat and water that is safe to drink . It should also have a complete map of the planet . What do I do now ? The sound of voices answers that question . Move ! So I move away from the voices , reversing all my instincts . I have been repeatedly indoctrinated that to separate from the Terran Defenders is to court not only death , but potential capture by the alien menace . Nobody knows what happens to people who have been captured by the aliens . Nobody has ever returned with the story . All are absolutely certain they don 't want to find out . I , however , have decided - I don 't know when - to run as long as I possibly can . Four hours of hard hiking lead me to , well , does it really matter where ? The problem is that I can hear the sounds of firing . I am coming up on an active battle . I should avoid the battle . There will be both humans who want to execute me and aliens whose intentions and abilities are unknown . But what difference does it make ? I intend to run , but I have no destination . Curiosity drives me . I find a vantage point on a small hill . Aliens are fleeing a small village , and our troops and tanks are driving them in a classic formation . In years of training , hundreds of simulated actions , and two previous actual planetary actions , I have never really considered the value of these classic actions . We are not taught to think out our tactics ; we are taught to apply the right response to the right situation . The commander of this brigade sized force is using the classic attack pattern for attacking a position where defenders are expected to stand and fight . As it happens , however , the defenders are not fighting . They are fleeing , and from my position , I can see that they are doing so in a fairly orderly fashion , avoiding the fields of fire of most of the attackers . It 's an odd picture , now that I look at it from outside . Then I hear the sounds of approaching troops . They have to be human . Besides , I haven 't seen any non - human troops on this planet . They are clearly approaching this very hill to get a better line of fire and kill the escaping aliens . The aliens look helpless . They appear to be some kind of herbivores , very vaguely like Terran deer . I look behind me and see five soldiers approaching with a heavy particle beam gun . Should they get that in position , hundreds of the aliens will die . Perhaps I am disoriented . Perhaps I 'm angry that my own people would execute me for a few muttered words . I swing up my rifle and before the troops have time to react , I sweep the beam across them . I break away from my position at a run , just in time . One of the tanks targets the hilltop , and vegetation burns off . I would be dead had I stayed up there . I run straight toward the aliens . It 's a bizarre feeling . Why should I run into the unknown when all my training tells me to run away ? Perhaps it 's because the actually look like an exceptionally well organized herd of deer . The aliens don 't react to my presence in any way that I can detect . It 's hard to tell whether I 'm making room for myself , or they are making room for me , but I begin to move along with them away from my own people . Are these the terrifying aliens who do unspeakable things ( though unknown ) to everyone they capture ? We continue away from the village . The aliens are moving through deep valleys . They show an exceptional concept of where fields of fire might be . It won 't save them in the end , but they are going to stay alive as long as they can . They might even leave behind the current group of attackers as they take time to secure the village itself . Our human tactics are thorough , if not efficient . It appears that the aliens are diurnal , as they find a camp for the night . They move me into the center of a circle , and gather around me . It appears that they sleep standing up . I am so tired that I sleep all night , and awaken to one of the aliens nudging me forward . It offers me some organic material . I check it with my PDU and it registers as poisonous to me . I point at my device and then push the item away . We begin to travel again , heading for nearby mountains . They look pretty rough . Perhaps 15 minutes further along , another organic sample is pushed at me . I can 't tell if it 's the same alien . This time the PDU approves the organic material . It doesn 't have much taste , but according to the analysis , it has some major nutrients . I will still need some of the rations I have with me , taken from my first guard . Toward noon we 're attacked from the air . Several aliens are killed . I struggle to find a position from which to fire . It seems to me that the aliens are moving to protect me . I am an excellent shot , and I have success shooting down the shuttle . It is a lightly armed vehicle . Later , I suspect they will send more . It is only another hour before I note another shuttle , equally light . There are numerous vehicles available to the invasion force that could shrug off anything I can do with my rifle , yet here comes another . It lands nearby . I try to use hand signals to indicate that I need to go toward the shuttle . I don 't know how well my signals are understood , but the aliens seem to support me effectively . For the most part this means that they put their bodies between any attackers and me . They seem to instinctively recognize that I 'm their sole offensive weapon . This protection proves critical . There are a dozen men coming who have spread out in a skirmish line and are moving toward me . I wonder how they have such an accurate position . I 've been traveling for most of the day in places that would not be visible from orbit . After a moment of reflection I feel incredibly stupid . Here in my hand I 'm holding a PDU , connected into the Terran Defender data network . They would know my position within inches ! How stupid can I be ? There 's nothing to be done about it now , so I just continue to move forward . I pull out the PDU and query it for the positions of the attacking troops . It appears that someone else is as stupid as I am . I am immediately given a complete map showing myself with a hostile icon , and the twelve attackers . I lead the attackers on a merry chase as I keep moving toward first one end and then the other of their skirmish line . They are not expecting the aliens to act in this way , and they apparently are unaware that I know their position . Each time they move to surround me , I allow them to almost close the trap and then escape by the only possible means . I had expected the aliens to die by the dozens , since they seem determined to defend me by placing their bodies between me and my attackers . As it turns out , only three of them are killed and several more wounded . I am uninjured when I shoot the last attacker . I use the attacker 's clothing to attach some of their equipment to the aliens . Inexplicably , they permit me to do so . Then I go get the shuttle . It is in good condition with an indefinite power supply . The way these small shuttles work , I can travel anywhere in this star system for years to come using this one vehicle , always assuming that I am not destroyed . I point toward the mountains , and try to mime flying with the shuttle . It 's impossible to tell what the aliens are thinking but they don 't try to stop me when I enter the shuttle . Now 's the time to discover just how stupid some people are . I give my voice commands , using my name and rank as I normally would . I 'm authorized quite a bit of latitude in requisitioning and using a shuttle such as this . Will my voice be recognized or have I been personally tagged as a traitor ? My icon showed me as an enemy on the tactical display of the PDU , but that could have been input manually . The shuttle accepts my codes , and I fly toward the mountains . They are very close now , only minutes using the shuttle . I hope there is a cave or a very deep canyon where I can try to hide this shuttle temporarily . What I will do after that , I don 't know . Living on this planet for the rest of my life is just too terrifying to contemplate , so I don 't . I will just take one step at a time . I get the shuttle into the mountains and with the aid of the scanners I locate a small cave , just large enough , a place where it will barely fit . That 's good . I settle in to wait for the aliens . I ask the shuttle 's artificial intelligence to provide me with the news that had been gathered before I left . The headlines are all about the fierce fighting on this planet , and about the captain of armor who is now under the control of the aliens . The accompanying video shows fierce fighting with considerable fire coming from alien positions and severe casualties taken by the Terran Defenders . In the midst of this some captain jumps into the fight on the enemy side . The only explanation for this activity , says the reporter , is alien mind control . It takes minutes of watching for me to realize I 'm the subject of the story . The scenes are cut from my experiences of the day , but all of the aliens are supplied with high tech weaponry , which none of them possess . The fierce battles that surround all of the actions are completely fictional . In each case my actions are portrayed as tipping a very tight balance in favor of the alien forces . Then there is commentary . There 's a legal officer explaining the position of the military . " We have long maintained that indications of poor morale , or of disbelief in the alien attack were acts of treason , " he says . " And even without today 's evidence they were , considering that every ounce of our strength is required to turn back the alien tide . " " But this , " he continues , " Shows that there is an even greater treason involved . Apparently this weakening of one 's commitment to Terran values and Terran solidarity permits alien mind control to take over . Captain Tad Tillman , now popularly known as ' Traitor Tad ' to the troops , merely muttered a single phrase of negativity , and he was so thoroughly taken over that he was not only lost to our forces , a terrible enough consequence , but he was taken over to the alien side completely . " I sit in the pilot 's seat of the shuttle in complete shock . I had always assumed that the massive battle scenes , while enhanced and based on reconstructions , were generally true . I thought that I always just happened not to be where the action was . I had assumed at some point that I would personally be in such a situation . Now it seemed possible that there never had been any such battles , that the entire war was created . For some reason that idea was more disorienting than the idea of living out my life on this alien planet had been . I looked out the front of the shuttle . The aliens were gathering quietly outside . It was very strange , but their presence was comforting . |
When I first joined facebook I was a reluctant joiner . My friends had already sent me several invitations before I finally caved . When I did join I was told by Daddy that I could not post pictures of Frick ( and later Frack ) , no matter how much my profile was on lockdown . He 's a little paranoid but over the years of being a facebook user , I have come to agree with him . There 's nothing wrong with sharing things about your kids on facebook . I don 't mind seeing cute pictures of lost teeth or Halloween costumes or graduation day or whatever . I don 't mind hearing about the funny thing your kid said or did . They are often entertaining . But the overshare . . . . Oh God , the overshare ! Some of the things I have read in my timeline have made me want to punch people . So in the spirit of STFUParents I have decided to start a facebook page about my dog , Fry . This page allows me to mimic all the bad behaviour of online parents only instead of children I am talking about my dog . I hope that people who like this page will get a laugh seeing status updates about the annoying minutiae of my dog 's life juxtaposed with the annoying minutiae of their friends ' kids lives . Note : In case you are a friend of mine and wondering whether or not you 've been annoying the shit out of me by telling me stuff about your kids you should know that you haven 't . The offenders are casual acquaintances who obviously never read my blog or STFUParents because they never fucking stop . My good friends don 't do this because , as I have said before , I have standards . I hate play groups . I tried it with Frick and found it to be a boring waste of time that generally kicked my anxiety into overdrive because I was forced to make small talk with over - enthusiastic strange women , so I stopped going . Unfortunately , I don 't have that luxury with Frack . Frack 's speech therapist insists that the very best thing for him is to spend time interacting socially with his peers in a structured environment . And since we can 't afford pre - school that means the local , government - funded play group . Today is play group day . " Eat your breakfast . Take another bite . Hey , are you eating your breakfast ? Why don 't you pick up your spoon ? Okay , pick up your spoon and don 't put it down until you 're finished . You can take another bite , now . Okay , while you are eating that bite get the next bite ready . " " Okay go upstairs and get dressed now . Are you going upstairs ? Hey , stop playing with the dog and go upstairs . What are you guys doing up there ? Are you out of your pajamas yet ? Please take off your pajamas . No you can 't wear that t - shirt , it 's winter . Get a sweater . What do you mean you have no underwear ? Where are your socks ? " We 're running late , as usual . Play group starts at 9 am and it is now just before 10 and I am only just finishing cooking the onions and getting everything into the slow - cooker . I get the boys into their boots and coats and we are out the door . At least it 's just a drop - in thing , I tell myself . Nobody cares if we 're late . We get to play group and there 's a lot of people today . They are right in the middle of having a discussion about what day would be best for everyone to do something called " Sous - chef " and I interrupt it with our late entrance . They 're all looking at me . Probably they weren 't . Maybe only three people looked at me . Doesn 't matter , they may as well all be looking at me . Looking and judging . I smile nervously to let them know I am non - threatening as I take off Frack 's coat and boots . When I go to take off my coat it hits me . The smell . What I failed to think about before I left the house was the fact that I was cooking beef and onions . Apparently my sweater had absorbed all of that cooking beef and onion smell in full force . It was especially obvious in the considerate - for - pregnant - women - fragrance - free environment that was the play group . Oh my God , I stink ! What do I do ? Do we leave ? No we just got here . What if they smell it ? What will they think ? Maybe it doesn 't matter . Lots of moms don 't have time to not smell like beef and onions because their kids come first . Right ? I occupy myself with Frack . Frack wants to be as far away from the other kids as possible and right now that suits me just fine . I look at the other moms . What is with these women ? Look at her . She looks great . Love her boots . Holy shit is she wearing a white shirt ? She 's got two kids under three , how come she gets to wear a white shirt ? Why is it so clean ? I look down at my comfortable , stank - sweater and jogging pants ( because I only do loose clothes before noon ) and see them as a badge of sloppiness . These women look wide awake and happy and refreshed from good sleep . Even their hair was perky . I can 't tell these women I was only cooking , they 'd never believe it . Why didn 't I wear jeans instead ? They would have at least looked tidier . Seriously , what time do you have to get up to be able to look like that this early ? At least I got the boys to clean themselves up . As long as the children look good , it 's probably okay for Mom to be a little sloppy . Right ? Ack ! He 's coming over here to talk . Sweet Jesus , I can smell myself ! Can I run away ? Nope , he made eye contact . Alright , just be cool . I make polite small talk with Lyle , asking about his wife and new baby but not really paying attention because I 'm distracted with trying to calculate just the right distance from Lyle so that he can 't smell me without being so far away that it 's rude . Also , I am feeling distinctly nauseous . Frack , who is supposed to be reaping the benefits of social interaction with his peers , is hiding behind a book shelf while Frick tries to coax him out with a puppet . How much longer is this thing ? Why don 't they have a clock in here ? Can I look at my iPod to check the time without looking rude ? No he 's talking at me right now , it will totally look rude . Can he smell me ? Can he tell ? Are they going to call Children 's Aid because I smell like this and home school my kids ? I start to sweat . Suddenly my coffee is working too well and I have jitters . I keep looking at the door contemplating escape . Lyle , announces that it 's Snack Time . Yay ! This hell , is almost over . Bribing Frack with offers of yogurt to sit at the table with the other kids helps take my mind off the situation . After the kids eat , Lyle announces that it 's Circle Time . Circle Time and then Home Time and then out of this horrible , stanky sweater . I swear to God , I 'm going to burn it in the barbecue ! Ugh ! At least the kids are alright . That 's the important thing . We go sit down in the circle and I am careful to place myself next to the Chinese Grandma whose English isn 't very good . I 'm hoping that if she does smell me she will only be able to tell her family about it and I never see them nor do I understand Chinese , so that 's okay somehow . If she were to tell these other moms here I could never , ever come back . And that 's when I saw it . Frack had smudges on his face I never noticed before and I could see the insides of his ears . Oh , the filth ! And the shirt he was wearing that had seemed perfectly fine because it was warm enough for winter ( and that is basically my criteria when it comes to this kid who insists on wearing only pajamas and superhero costumes everywhere ) had a stain and a hole in the cuff of the sleeve . Frick grinned at me and revealed that , although he did wash his face , he had not brushed his teeth . His hair was a mess from wearing a toque and because it is kind of long it looked messier than necessary . I probably would have run at that point but I was glued to the floor , wishing like hell I could sink through it . Instead , I smiled like an idiot through " If You 're Happy and You Know It " until Frack got angry at me for clapping along and started crying . That was just distracting enough to enable me to get my ill - kempt , hillbilly children out of there and head for the merciful sanctuary of home . Next week I 'll have to get up at the ass - crack of dawn to be on time and impeccably dressed , thus preventing the imaginary gossip that probably doesn 't happen because I 'm pretty sure these women do not give a shit and most of this is in my head . I hate it . It 's torture . But all that quality social interaction Frack is getting makes it totally worthwhile . I wrote this post before I started blogging just for my facebook friends , so I apologize to those who have already read it . But I thought it was a good one to write given my recent posts about life with ADHD . Also , it 's already written and that means minimal effort this morning which is great because I have to take Frack to his playgroup , which is led by Lyle the Effeminate Heterosexual ( probably a whole other blog post . . . . . Gah , I 'm so confused ! ) They say when it comes to success in a relationship you have to learn not to sweat the small stuff . They also say that when it comes to long term plans the devil is in the details . It seems that all of life 's wisdom comes in contradictions . I have always said that when it comes to marriage it is important to resolve your conflicts as peacefully as possible . But this morning irony hit me in the form of a rotting pumpkin . My marriage , like any other normal marriage , is fraught with little problems . When it comes to the big things that might spell divorce in the future I usually rely on my method of of peaceful conflict resolution . But when it comes to the little things we 're not supposed to sweat it seems that Daddy and I have been engaging in a passive aggressive war of Spy vs . Spy proportions . As I listened to my husband leave for work this morning muttering about a " Goddamn rotting pumpkin on ( his ) shoes " the hilarity of our situation hit me and , instead of handling our problem in a mature way through adult discussion , I ' mma blog about it ! Because over the years , we have accumulated some pretty epic passive aggressive conflict . Woman : Totally irritated because she hasn 't slept for more than twenty minutes straight since the baby came , needs to clean an explosive poop from said baby . Diapers , wipes and clean baby clothes are all in the bedroom that she unexpectedly finds herself locked out of . Instead of being able to quietly slip in and out of the room like she had planned , she now has to pound on the door until the Man wakes up and lets her in . Later , after the Man has gone to work , Woman gets a screwdriver and removes the lock from the bedroom door . Man : Living away from Mom and Dad for the first time has no idea yet of what it costs to heat a house . All he knows is that it is Winter and it is too hard for him to get up for work in the morning with the house icy cold . Tired of having to get up in the cold and go turn the heat back up he instead super - glues the thermostat to the temperature he prefers . Woman : Spends the entire week doing all of the drudge work and would maybe like to spend the weekend not feeling like someone 's free maid service and doesn 't think it is too much to ask the Man to do a few loads of dishes . In fact she insists on it and refuses to touch the dishes . The dishes pile up , neglected all weekend and then Woman ends up cleaning all the dishes which are harder to clean because they have been sitting there , crusty and nasty , all weekend long . Woman : Loves gardening , even though it is sweaty , back - breaking work . Woman has a bad habit of weeding the garden and just leaving all the weeds and debris on the grass beside the garden because she is easily distracted by the demands of children and other household duties . She always intends to pick up the yard but doesn 't ever seem to get around it before the grass needs cutting . Man : Cutting the grass is a real pain due to the shape of the backyard . The last thing the Man needs is for it to be made harder by having to go around and pick up all the yard waste in the failing daylight when he just wants to quickly cut the grass . Man solves the problem by tossing the yard waste ( weed seeds and all ) on top of the Woman 's flowers . Man : Notices that the pumpkin has been sitting beside the garbage for a couple of weeks now . Man asks the Woman if he should get rid of the pumpkin and is met with an emphatic " Yes , please ! ! ! " Man inexplicably fails to get the pumpkin to the curb that week . Woman : Sees the pumpkin , now white and furry on the bottom , still not at the curb . Woman also notices the sink full of dishes waiting for her . Woman responds by carefully placing the rotting pumpkin , rotten bottom side facing up ( the top still looks fine ) directly on the Man 's shoes , knowing he 'll have to do something with it if he wants to go to work , and then quietly proceeds to wash the dishes . So we 're not as good at resolving conflict as I had hoped . But you know we have a pretty good sense of humour in our house and most of this stuff gets laughed off . So maybe that 's the key to a good marriage ; being able to laugh at yourself . I don 't know , I 'm making this shit up as I go along . I wrote this before I figured out that Daddy probably has ADHD , and looking back I can 't believe I missed it . As for my behaviour ? I don 't have ADHD . I 'm just kind of a bitch . Many of you enjoyed my last post about my husband 's friend Kevin ( Thank you ! ) . You may have wondered why I didn 't kick Kevin out sooner . You may have wondered where my husband was while that conversation went down . You may also have wondered why my husband would be friends with such an ass . I have wondered all of this stuff myself and so I went looking for the answers . Before I continue I just want to say that Daddy is the best of husbands . He is a great guy and uniquely suited to me . He takes care of me when I 'm sick , he knows just the right time to step in and save me from our kids , and he works very hard to support his family . Everyone loves him . I have to say this because what I am about to write might make him look like an asshole . Why didn 't I kick Kevin out sooner ? Me and my people are great big screw ups . When we screw up , we screw it up big time . For some it happens more often than others . But we are very tight knit and we always forgive each other . Because we 're family and that 's how we do . So over the years I have learned to be pretty tolerant of some crazy shit , when it came with an apology . Kevin always recognized his wrongs and apologized . I don 't like the idea of telling my husband who he can be friends with or who he can bring into his own home and Kevin was sincere in his apology , so he was forgiven . But you know , a person can only take so much crap from someone she 's not blood - related to . And this was about my kid and my actions as a mother and the infuriating experience of having my whole reality poo - poohed by some asshole who not only had no fucking idea but who was a guest in my home . And then to add insult to injury , he was the one who felt entitled to an apology from me . That 's right . Which brings me to the next question : Just where was my husband when all of this was going down ? He was sitting right there , doing his best to be completely absorbed in an interview with Georges St . - Pierre . I kept looking at him expecting him to speak up but he didn 't seem to hear anything that Kevin was saying . I was furious . He had never failed to defend me before . I didn 't kick Kevin out that night . I went angrily to bed . Apparently after that Kevin spent some time bitching about me to my husband . The next day I woke up furious and had to figure out a way to talk to Daddy without screaming at him . When we were finally able to talk I found out that Kevin got his nose bent all out of shape because , in a desperate attempt to avoid getting into that particular conversation , I dared to suggest that he just do a little research and mentioned a good website . According to Kevin , and Daddy said he agreed with Kevin , this was insulting because it implied that he had not already done his research and that by mentioning the website , he was too stupid to know how to research . In the face of this I was so frustrated I burst into tears . My husband was taking Kevin 's side ! At that time our marriage was going through a rough patch . I felt incredibly neglected and ignored . Daddy was always absorbed in his work , even at home . He seemed to hide himself away in the basement all the time . He never seemed to be listening to me . There were huge misunderstandings because he hadn 't heard some crucial information I gave him . I could only communicate to him by sending emails and even then he just skimmed them and missed important sentences . There were nights he would tell me he would come and hang out with me " in a few minutes " and hours later I would have fallen asleep on the couch waiting for him . Through our conversation I found out two things : 1 ) My husband secretly agreed with Kevin about the existence of ADHD . He was humouring my cute little notion so long as I wasn 't medicating our son . As far as he was concerned , the boy was just like his old man . 2 ) He truly thought our marriage was perfect . That was exactly the word he used . Perfect . He had no idea how depressed and lonely I was . He had no idea how angry and resentful I was . He never noticed the slammed doors , the biting sarcasm , or the disappointment on my face . I was shocked . I just couldn 't believe it . He felt terrible . Although in words he said he felt " stupid " . First I told him I 'd taken enough of Kevin 's shit and he couldn 't come to our house anymore . Then I told him he had to get educated about ADHD , ASAP . Then I told him we 'd figure out what to do about our marriage . Want to know a great thing about my husband ? Whenever I tell him something is broken he will do whatever it takes to fix it . We watched a documentary called " ADD and Loving It ? ! " because I thought it would help him to hear how adults articulate the experience of living with ADHD . Hearing his questions and skepticism out loud I began to think there was a possibility that Daddy also has ADHD . I had him take this online " virtual " test , and I also took it so we could compare scores . Mine took about three seconds because I answered " no " for all three of the questions I was asked . Any problems I have concentrating are caused by the fact that I have kids screaming and running around all day long . His test took about 20 minutes , and he answered " yes " to most of the questions he was asked . Actually he answered " yes " to all of them but one . It explained so much . It explained why he seemed to ignore or neglect me most of the time . It explained why he was oblivious to my unhappiness . His tendency to interrupt or talk over me . To jump to conclusions and answer my questions before I had finished asking . Why I don 't trust him with the grocery shopping . The fact that he can 't keep track of the time and gets too absorbed in his work . When I said " I do " I didn 't know I was marrying ADHD . I didn 't ask for this and I didn 't want it . I didn 't want to have to take care of his ADHD and our son 's ADHD . One was enough ! I didn 't want to have to a husband that had to be reminded to pay attention to his wife . I shouldn 't have to tell him that my emails take priority over the 300 other emails in his inbox and that he had to read every sentence . I didn 't want to have to be understanding about his symptoms ! I needed a partner . I needed an adult , not another boy with ADHD ! It wasn 't fair ! ! ! These are terrible and selfish things to think , but they are honest . I really felt that way at the time . Frick 's ADHD was making my life very hard and knowing that Daddy had it too made me feel like things were going to be twice as hard . It made me feel like I was suddenly running this entire dog and pony show all by myself . I wasn 't thinking clearly . I forgot about how much better things got when we finally understood what was making our boy act the way he did . About how having ADHD just meant he couldn 't help it and that he wasn 't trying to be a jerk . All of that was just as true for Daddy as it was for Frick . When he got real about the possibility that he has ADHD he could acknowledge that my complaints about neglect were valid . He knows he is likely to misunderstand me or not hear me and so he doesn 't get defensive about it like he used to or worse , accuse me of making it up . We put plans in place to help each other communicate better . Things are so much better now . Daddy is still the same grown man I thought he was only now he 's a little more sensitive to my needs . He is still my rock and my bringer of wine . He still drops everything he is doing so he can take care of me when I 'm sick . He still loses track of time , and interrupts me and is the worst for being an impulse buyer but he 's at least aware of it now and more likely to correct himself . He isn 't taking medication , yet . He still needs to see a doctor and go through the process of confirming our suspicions . He 's one of those guys who can 't be bothered with doctors but he is interested in what medication might do for him . I found out that his life is pretty stressful dealing with unmedicated ADHD . He 's often angry because he feels like he can 't do the things he really wants to get done . He gets stuck wasting time on trivialities and can 't seem to get to the important stuff . Without that argument with Kevin I would never have known any of this . In a way Kevin saved our marriage . I can 't feel too angry towards him . After all , a grown man capable of throwing chocolate cake at a person he just met probably has impulsivity issues of his own . And I think that answers the question of why my husband would be friends with such an ass . I bet they have much in common . They drink beer , watch UFC and probably interrupt and dominate each other 's conversation all night long without pissing anyone off . Sounds like man - topia to me . Does that mean I will ever let Kevin back in my house ? Oh , hells no . Saving my marriage was the least Kevin could do to make up for his shit . On second thought . . . . . . . maybe I would . But I want an apology . In writing . Preferably sky - writing . And there has to be lots of witnesses . And you know , a little kneeling couldn 't hurt . Yeah . Kneeling , groveling and sky - writing . Posted by I really hate those articles titled " What not to say to So and So " . This is one of the worst things you can say to someone who has anxiety because there is a very good chance that they have said at least one of the seemingly innocuous , well - intended but offensive things mentioned . Every time I read one I spend a good couple of days agonizing over the insensitive things I 've unwittingly said . Well now I have to write a " What not to say " post . I 've given it a lot of thought and I think it 's a good idea . But I also decided that instead of preaching to all of you about what not to say I would write about the time I banished my husband 's best friend Kevin from my home . Kevin was already skating on thin ice with me . I probably wouldn 't kick anyone out of my home for any one of these things . But this guy not only said all of them , he also had a bad history with me that I was always cool about . When Kevin picked a fight with a guy in my kitchen , I was cool about it . When Kevin was rude to his girlfriend at one of our dinner parties making us all feel very uncomfortable , I was cool about it . When Kevin ruined my 30th birthday party by hucking the last piece of chocolate birthday cake at one of my guests ( a woman wearing a brand new white shirt ) I was cool about it . But when Kevin came into my house spewing this shit . . . . he crossed the fucking line . Kevin managed to say everything that is wrong to say to a Mom about her kid 's ADHD . Everything . So if ever you were just a little curious about what not to say to a Mom of ADHD just pay attention to the points Kevin brought up , late one Saturday night . I will point out why these things are so wrong in my stinging rebuttal that I wasn 't clever enough to come up with at the time of the argument . 1 . There 's no such thing as ADHD . Easy for you to say Kevin , you don 't live with it . Look , I don 't really care if you believe in ADHD . It 's not Jesus and I 'm not an evangelist . I am not on some crusade to convince the world about the existence of ADHD . To be honest , before I had kids I was also skeptical , and that 's fine . You 're entitled to your opinion . Can I please just point out what an asshole thing it is to do to bring up this subject with a woman who tells you she is raising an ADHD child ? Can that be designed for anything other than causing shit ? I think not . 2 . Oh , everyone has ADHD . Like 20 of my cousins say their kids have it . Therefore ADHD doesn 't exist . I don 't know anything about your cousins , Kevin . What I do know is that there is a genetic component to ADHD so it shouldn 't surprise you in the least to find it prolific within a family group making it look to you like " everybody has it " . You must be really popular with your cousins , though . 3 . But everything these so - called ADHD kids do is normal . Yes Kevin , that is very true . It is totally normal for kids to run around , daydream , be active , interrupt , throw fits , forget stuff , lie and have no impulse control . You know what else is normal , Kevin ? Sleeping . Sleeping is totally normal and everyone does it but if you fall asleep behind the wheel of your car and at work and pass out regularly in your soup at lunchtime then that 's not normal my friend . That 's narcolepsy . 4 . It 's the parents these days . They don 't want to get off their asses , they just want to medicate their kids into being little robots . ( Um , did you just imply that I 'm lazy , Kevin ? ) If these parents are so shitty they wouldn 't go through all the bullshit you have to go through to get ADHD meds . They wouldn 't bother with trying to get a diagnosis ( which , contrary to your belief Kevin , is not handed out like candy from a Pez dispenser ) . If the parents are that shitty they would just dose their kids with over the counter anti - histamines and Gravol . Easier and ( I suspect ) cheaper . Of course , I wouldn 't know because I don 't medicate my kid . 5 . ADHD is something that was invented by Big Pharma to fool parents into thinking they need to medicate their kid . Do you hear yourself , Kevin ? Basically what you are saying is that every parent of ADHD ( not to mention adults with ADHD ) out there are just the gullible dupes of Big Pharma . More importantly , you are saying that I am just so stupid that I jumped at an ADHD diagnosis based on spurious or made up research ? Did you just call me stupid , Kevin ! ? ! In my house ! ? ! Let me reiterate that I do not medicate my son 's ADHD . How is Big Pharma making money off me ? 6 . Well you 're just a better mother for opting out of medication . Actually ADHD exists on a spectrum . We , and most parents I know , think twice before handing their kids an aspirin . If my kid does not have a fever then I do not give him the aspirin , but that doesn 't mean he 's not sick . And if he does have a fever you better believe he 's gonna get that aspirin . My decision of whether or not to medicate is not a reflection of what kind of parent I am . It just means that our son can live without it for now . If he needed meds he would absolutely get them ! I made the point about my not medicating to show how stupid your point about Big Pharma conspiracies is . 7 . Yeah , but everyone knows those meds are dangerous for kids . There are risks when taking any kind of medication . Part of deciding on a course of action for any medical condition is weighing the risks and benefits of any given treatment . ADHD meds are very well - researched and are heavily supervised . By a physician . And let 's just say that that guy / gal didn 't go through all those years of med school to be called Mr / Ms . Who is " everyone " , anyway ? I can 't really blame you for this one because the internet is so full of misinformation . I would like to point out that the people I hear this the most from are either conspiracy nuts or so - called ADHD coaches and lifestyle gurus who want to make a lot of money off of me buying their books / videos / counselling as a drug - free cure for my kid . I think I 'll put my faith in science , thank you very much , Kevin . But you know what , Kevin ? It 's late and you 're drunk and acting like kind of an asshole . I think I 'm done with you and your bullshit , Kevin . You really need to STFU . Have this conversation with anyone else but me . Karissa over at The Iris Chronicles ( check her out ! ) has graciously awarded moi with The Versatile Blogger award ! I 've seen this award on other blogs and dreamed that one day , I too could join the ranks of the versatile bloggers . Finally that day has come ! Apparently the rules are to thank the person who awarded you ( Thank you , Karissa ! ) , write seven random things about yourself and then choose another ten deserving recipients . I know you are just dying to know seven random things about me . And to be honest , writing this wasn 't as easy as I thought it was going to be , but being the versatile blogger that I am I managed to find seven random and totally fascinating facts about Mommy Rotten : 1 - I have a mental IMDb . Daddy loves to show off to his friends my skills . They 'll be talking about some movie and someone will forget the name of an actor in it . Then he gets all " My wife will know ! " and asks me . And sure enough , no matter how obscure the actor is I can give the name of the actor , several other films that actor has been in , any guest appearances on TV shows , and other famous people that actor has worked with . This is one of the stupidest things to be good at ( especially since it 's nowhere near as good as the real IMDb ) but people are always feigning that they are impressed . 2 - I am a bona fide , hippie love - child . It 's true . I was conceived one magical indian summer in a tree house , on a nudist commune owned by the founder of a made up religion that allows its adherents to be naked and smoke copious amounts of weed . My name was almost " Twinkle " but for the sobering effects of a drug - free labour . 3 - I was once told that I have unusually tiny pinky fingers . My piano teacher told me I would never " make it " as a keyboardist because of that defect . And so I wisely abandoned the keyboard and took up the bass guitar , the largest possible instrument that my parents would tolerate took my fancy . And I 'm pretty damned good at it , so you can suck it , Camilleri ! ( Although , to be fair I 'm clearly not a rock star . Yet . ) 4 - I am a connoisseuse of bad movies . In high school a friend dubbed me a " B - flicker " ( which was a huge relief because at first I thought he said " beef licker " and I wasn 't sure if I should punch him out or not . ) I had seen so many movies that it seemed like the only ones left were the crappy ones . And I couldn 't get enough of them . You 've got the intentionally campy ones like " Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator " , " The Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death " and " Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowlerama " . And then there are my favourites : the unintentionally awful films like " Showgirls " , " La Casa 4 ( Witchcraft ) " and " The Unbelievable Truth " . To me these films embody the very spirit of film director Ed Wood , that all time worst winner of the Golden Turkey Award . 5 - I hate chick flicks . From what I can tell they are based on an assumption that women are afraid to be alone and enjoy crying as a pastime . Once some chick endorsed a movie to me by saying , " Oh you absolutely must see it , it will totally make you cry . " The fuck ? I 'm sorry but that sounds like the opposite of fun . I have no judgment for those who do find chick flicks enjoyable but my girlfriends have all learned that if they are going to make me sit through one they had best put up with me laughing my ass off and tearing the shit out of it . They don 't take it personally because they know about # 4 . 6 - I have anger issues . I am just so pissed off all the time . It 's not fun . I don 't like it but it really is who I am . I spent the last ten years trying to change this fact and the only thing that changed is that I got more pissed off . So instead I have learned to accept it as reality and try to morph it into something good . Turns out being pissed off is my muse . I never write so well as when I 'm steamed and for some reason when I do it , it 's funny . Even my kids have a hard time not giggling when I get into a pissed off rant at them for some asshole thing they did . So really , my blog is just free therapy . 7 - I met my husband in a past life . Not really . But when I was 16 , I was in a children 's play with my future sister in - law . Mother Rotten helped out backstage with the costumes and my future husband was operating the spotlight . Nine years later , I 'm having dinner at the Rotten 's and we stumble on an old photo from the play and I suddenly realize why my sister in - law looked so familiar to me . I don 't remember meeting my husband back then , though I remember his sister and mother . But then he would have been 12 years old ( yes , he is younger than me ) and I was unlikely to take any notice of 12 year old boys at the age of 16 . And there you have it . So now it is time for my nominees . I 've only been blogging for slightly less than a year now and so it would not surprise me in the least if it turns out I picked people who have won this award before . I tried not to worry about that . Instead I picked those versatile individuals who I thought would have the funniest things to say about themselves : Remember when we were kids and how golden it all was ? Candy was cheaper and better back then . I used to get fifty cents a week for my allowance and I could buy a bag of chips and two old - fashioned wine gums at the store that I walked to by myself . Soda cans were skinny and only had two little holes you would punch in to open it instead of the pull tab . Remember when children belonged outside and you didn 't need TV or the government to tell you that ? Remember when bad weather meant you were bored and had nothing to do ? Sure you might discover your legos or blocks but they were a pale second to the fun of outside . Even on overcast , cloudy days my mother was known to open the door and exclaim " What a beautiful day ! " right before booting us out the door . " Come back when the streetlights turn on ! " she 'd shout and we 'd be on our merry way . Remember when we spent hours away from home and our parents only had the vaguest idea of where we were ? As young as 8 or 9 I used to get up at 7 am on summer mornings , pack a picnic lunch of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and then take my little brothers to the city park 10 blocks away . We 'd stay there all day , running around , climbing trees or flying kites . Every summer my parents took us to an amusement park . They sent us on our own to go explore the park and ride all the rides until supper time . Then we would eat with our parents and spend the rest of the evening going on all our favourite rides with them . That feeling of freedom and independence made us feel so good and strong . Like we could handle anything ! Remember walking to and from school ? When I was 6 my mother walked me halfway to school on my first day . On the way she approached a group of " big kids " in the fourth grade . Remember running just because it was fun ? Remember the exhilarating feeling of the wind in your hair and how it felt that at any moment you could fly if you tried hard enough and ran fast enough ? Remember the playground equipment ? Jungle gyms built so high that if you climbed to the top you could see the whole world . Teeter Totters that went up and down , carousels that spun round and round . Swinging on the swings so high and then dismounting by letting yourself soar through the air and land like a gymnast . I used to pretend I was Mary Lou Retton and Wonder Woman . Remember when you could sit in the coveted front seat of the car ? Yeah , I know . . . safety and statistics etc . but still , wasn 't it awesome ? We even used to stick our heads out the window to taste the wind like our family dog . Back then my parents enforced seat belt laws by saying , " Sit back ! There 's a cop car up there ! " Remember when you could go visit your friends and you didn 't have to bring your mom with you ? A five year old could go call on the neighbour kid by himself without making a " play date " out of it . Back then it was weird if a kid had to call home the minute they arrived somewhere , as if they were on parole or something . It was enough for most kids ' parents that they just shout " I 'll be at Jenny 's ! " as they ran out the door . Those are some of the best memories of my life . Life is different now . I 'm glad we have carseats and use seatbelts . I 'm even glad soda cans are bigger . But I miss the freedom of childhood . It bothered me that my kids aren 't getting the time to be free and wild and have fun the way I did when I was a kid . In the last year or two I 've been intentionally ignoring all the fears I have of what might happen when they are out of sight . I purposely allow Frick to go places on his own and to have free run of the neighbourhood . It wasn 't easy at first ; most of his friends were not allowed this level of freedom and I was worried I was being a negligent parent or that something bad would happen to him . But it 's getting easier . The thing is , when I asked myself why I was hesitant to give my kids the same amount of freedom I had when I was growing up I really didn 't have an answer . I was limiting their childhood because I feared the statistically unlikely things that might happen . That just didn 't seem fair . It will come as no surprise that I like to break the rules , especially when it comes to parenting . I don 't break the rules to be cool or rebellious . I 'm not trying to be unique . I just think that blindly following rules without thinking about them or understanding that most rules have exceptions is stupid . I honestly don 't believe that this should be very shocking , it 's really not a big deal . But apparently it is . Last week I got suckered into commenting on this article polling readers as to whether or not it 's okay for Brad Pitt to give his kids Coca Cola to keep on schedule . Very controversial . Even those who felt that soda was okay as an occasional treat were all in a tizzy . I think one lady got away with telling people she gave her kids soda because it was back in the eighties when she did it , and no one seems to blame her for that . Everyone knows that children from the eighties were raised in caves . Look , I don 't really give a shit how the Jolie - Pitt 's see fit to raise their kids , I 've got enough problems with my own , but I commented because there was no option to vote for " caffeine in moderation is fine " . Something any doctor will tell you . But then , what do doctors know ? Am I right ? And of course , I caught flack for it . Not much but also not surprising . What was surprising was the fact that even though I specified that the kids ' daily Joe was fine by their pediatrician , and even though the poster was okay with moderate soda consumption , the fact that I gave my kids coffee was tantamount to lacing their cookies with arsenic . ( Yes , I am reading Flowers in the Attic right now . ) The underlined words are " I believe in everything in moderation " and " whatever , none of my business " . And then she proceeds to tear me a new one for giving my kids coffee . Here , I 'll wait while you go read it . It should be pretty easy to find . The hypocrisy is breathtaking . Everything in moderation ? Everything but coffee . None of my business ? Unless it 's coffee . Oh and thank you so much for pontificating pointing out that I don 't need to give them coffee . I just need to get my kids to bed earlier . Well , aren 't you a fucking genius ? No , really you should write a book , you 'll make millions . 1 . Kids who drink 1 or more sodas are more likely to be obese . I give my kids coffee with a half teaspoon of sugar and a very generous amount of milk . It 's the sugar that 's the culprit for obesity , not caffeine . A can of Coke has about 10 teaspoons of sugar . 2 . Caffeinated beverages are full of empty calories . This makes kids miss out on more nutritious foods . Soda in particular can cause kids to not get enough calcium . You can 't put milk in Coke , that 's for sure . Also coffee is a part of a full breakfast in our house , typically consisting of cereal and yogurt . I really wish I could say they ate fruit , too , but they don 't . 4 . Caffeine is a diuretic which can cause dehydration . Well it 's a good thing I know how to operate my tap . We drink plenty of water in this house because juice is expensive , yo . The vast majority of doctors agree that coffee in moderation is fine . A doctor 's definition of moderate coffee consumption for an adult is 2 - 4 cups a day . Children under the age of 12 should have their coffee consumption monitored . There is no evidence that shows coffee stunts a child 's growth . And apparently in Brazil they found that the coffee drinking kids were less likely to suffer depression . The fact is that the problem has a lot more to do with sugar than it does with caffeine . Finally , you just never know what a family 's individual situation is . My son has un - medicated ADHD . There is some evidence that shows that moderate coffee consumption has benefits for those who have ADHD , often creating the opposite effect on them than it would on a non - ADHD person . Just to be sure , I asked Frick 's doctor about it and he agreed that a little coffee in the morning couldn 't hurt . This prejudice against coffee for kids is unmerited . Clearly the problem is with daily soda consumption . And I 'm not going to get all " Brad Pitt is wrong and I 'm right ! " on you . If he knew how great coffee could be he 'd use that instead . Like most people he probably just associates kids with soda and views coffee as an adult beverage . It 's even possible that he is capable of independent thought and tries to compensate in other ways , but who knows ? I don 't live in his house . All I know is that sometimes breaking the rules is the only way to get by . I 'm jealous of my husband . He gets to be Dad . When you 're Dad you get credit just for showing up . And that 's setting the bar pretty low when it comes to any kind of parenting , but it sets the standard nicely for getting plenty of extra credit when you go above and beyond just showing up . You have to control your emotions 100 % of the time . You can never lose your shit to the point of yelling and swearing . In fact , swearing is strictly verboten regardless of your tone of voice . Instead you must exercise limitless patience and love and understanding . You get judged on what you feed your kids , how they 're dressed , the length of their hair , when and how they sleep , how much freedom they have , how little freedom they have , how they behave in public , how you behave in public , their performance in school and , ultimately , how they turn out as adults . Being the avant - garde trendsetter that I am I have decided to set a new standard . It 's time to lower the bar so we all get to win . 2 . Are you doing your best to meet the needs of your child ( food , shelter , medicine , clothing , etc . ) ? Then you 're a good Mom . Even if you fall short of meeting those needs sometimes you 're still a good Mom . We 're all just doing the best we can . 3 . Did you get your child to eat at least one food from each food group over the course of the day ? Then you 're a good Mom . And even if you didn 't , you 're still a good Mom . You know what they say : you can lead a horse to water but you can 't strap it down and force feed it vegetables . 4 . Did you not reciprocate when your child punched / bit / spit on / slapped / otherwise intentionally injured you ? Then you 're a good Mom . Just because you really , really wanted to reciprocate does not mean that you 're a bad Mom . It just means your kid is acting like an asshole . 5 . Did your child arrive at school fully dressed ? Then you 're a good Mom . It doesn 't matter that his clothes are backwards , mismatched and dirty . He can learn just as well in that as he can in clean matching clothes . Shoes + Shirt + Pants = My Kid Has a Right to an Education . 6 . Did your child come home today without a police escort ? Then you 're a good Mom . There will come a time when the police will come to visit , but that 's okay . Statistically speaking , that represents a highly insignificant number compared to all the times she didn 't . That makes you 99 . 9 % Good Mom . 7 . Do you still have the capacity to love your children to the point that you would die for them even though they put you through all of this shit ? Not only are you a good Mom , you 're a freaking saint ! I didn 't start off this way . I was once like you . But being a Mom has beaten me down . Let me take you through my process . Pregnancy . I found out I was going to be a Mommy in my final year in college . Like most women I was scared and excited all at once . I didn 't know what to expect so , in true scholarly fashion I began my research . Any time I attack a project I give it my all . I read all the pregnancy and parenting books I could get my hands on . I took those worthless pre - natal classes . I tried to learn everything I could about breast - feeding . I was going to ace this ! I had a very healthy pregnancy that gave me very little trouble . Labour and delivery took a long time ( 36 hours ! ) but there were no complications . My baby was perfectly beautiful . Year 1 . I began failing as a mother almost immediately . I couldn 't get my baby to latch properly . The first six weeks of life were a living hell . There was a lot of crying , most of it by me . I was so worried it wasn 't going to work because we had no money for formula . None . I hated every bitch who told me how wonderful breast feeding is ; how natural and easy . With much stubborn perseverance we got through it but I was always uncomfortable when some women would praise me for this . If I 'd had the money I most likely would have jumped at formula feeding . Although my problems with breast - feeding were unrelated to the future problems I would have with Frick , the experience of it set the stage for all future maternal frustrations and shortcomings . After the breast - feeding was finally going , Frick started teething . That 's when he started biting me . Only me . He only ever wanted to bite me . He took great joy and delight in it . There would be a great happy grin on his face and then , CHOMP ! No matter how many chew toys I gave him , no matter how much redirection , he was always sneaking up on me and biting me . I told myself , " This is normal . He will grow out of it . " I was still very confident in my parenting abilities . I had read the best of the books and all the latest magazines . Year 2 . The first half of this year was spent avoiding Frick 's pirhanna - like mouth . But I was still optimistic . After all I 'm a very good student and I was reading very good books . Frick had not yet started tantrums and he could not yet speak . He was just cute and adorable and bitey and charming as all hell . Which made it easier to forgive him for destroying all of our property . He was a very destructive baby . I thought , " It 's normal for babies to be destructive . He will grow out of it . " Year 3 . This was the year of the beginning of Frick 's nuclear meltdowns . Frick 's tantrums were so violent he often had to be restrained in order to prevent him from hurting himself . He did it everywhere for the smallest of annoyances . People were pretty nice about it though . It helped that I got sympathetic looks most of the time . I thought , " See ? Other people have gone through this . It 's normal . He will grow out of it . " I read a lot of parenting books that year . I may as well have read the Sunday funnies . Year 4 . This is the year that Frick fell in love with ramming his head into things . Particularly the crotchular region of adult men . He was the perfect height for bashing this area . He would back up from across the room , gaining some pretty good momentum before hitting the target . If you were a less than vigilant guy you would be singing opera for a couple of hours after . It took a while and we finally got him to stop doing it to Daddy , but he wasn 't convinced that this was a universally unwanted behaviour . He was a scientist . He had to test it out on any male he ever came into contact with . It was like owning a rambunctious dog . " Boys sure are weird , " I thought . This is also the year he started colouring on anything but paper . This artistic experimentation with media lasted for another four years . No matter how many times he had to clean up his crayon markings on the wall he would be at it again the very next day . I have confiscated crayons from this kid more times than I can count . This is also the year we started toilet training , so far my most detested parenting experience . " This is normal . He will grow out of it " became my mantra . With shameless bribery ( and many gummi bears ) we got through the worst of it but the power struggles we had did lasting damage . This is now a medical issue . Not normal , but he may still outgrow it . This is also the year Frick started to punish me . In his mind he felt that any time I made him do or experience anything unpleasant , be it giving him a time out or making him go to bed when he didn 't want to , he could punish me . He was amazingly creative in the art of Sticking It To Mommy . This was the year I began to feel as if this kid was out to get me . I cried a lot . This was the year I began to hate the expression " Being a Mom is the most wonderful experience of my life ! " Women who had the capacity to utter this phrase unironically were dead to me . I was in a very dark place . Year 5 . This was the year that Frick began what was to be a stellar academic career . I should have seen his dumping a bucket of sand on some kid 's head the very first day as an ominous sign . Instead I involuntarily laughed . Frick was explosive but sand - bucketing some kid wasn 't within what I then considered to be his capabilities . Oh , little did I understand the true extent in Frick 's genius for shocking me . But hey , " Boys will be boys . " Frick loved school and seemed to be doing very well , giving me false hopes . He continued to tantrum like a toddler , destroy anything he touched and scribble on walls , windows and furniture . He had no crayons for most of that year and he still managed to do this . That and punish me for the sin of making him eat vegetables or brush his teeth . This is the year he started to lie . A lot . He did lie before this year but this is the year lying became like breathing . And he was terrible at it . Even more fun was that when you refused to believe what were very obvious lies he would get outraged and indignant . But of course little kids lie . They don 't want to get into trouble . Normal . Year 6 . Best year ever . He was awesome at five . Helpful and sweet . Way less tantrummy , but on the few occasions he did meltdown things got ugly and extreme . Overall though he was less destructive , more polite , and easier to take out in public . I thought , " See ? All of my parenting is finally showing some results . I 'm glad I read all those books ! " Sure he did a lot of annoying stuff still , but what little boy doesn 't ? Little boys are chatter boxes who never stop talking and are super impulsive all the time , right ? Near the end of this year Frick started saying , " I 'm turning 6 and when I do I will be a big boy and I can do whatever I want . " And every time he said that I said , " No you cannot . That won 't happen . " He never heard me . Year 7 . Frick is 6 and he is a big boy and he can do whatever he wants . And so he does do whatever he wants . Whatever crazy , half - baked idea enters his head , well he 's just gonna do it . This is the year I had to swear a lot . This is the year he did things that were so shocking , so unexpected that the F - word would fly out of my mouth involuntarily . First I would gasp and sputter in sudden apoplexy . Then I would be frozen in paralytic anger . Then I would have to shout or say the F - word or risk having a seizure . The vast majority of time outs that year were given to me . I would run down to the basement and scream a little , and then break something and finally , sob out of sheer frustration . I remember I would wake up every single day saying to myself , " Today I am not going to let Frick get to me . I am not going to shout or lose my temper . I am going to be a good mother or die trying ! " I ended every single day unable to sleep as I rehashed all the ways I had failed my son as a mother . " Please God , let this be normal . Have pity on me and let him grow out of it . " If I couldn 't even handle a normal little boy then I must be the worst of mothers . Year 8 . This was the year Frack was born . We got a lot more notes home from the teacher . Fights on the playground , homework not being done , running away from the teacher on school trips . Everyone seemed content to blame Frick 's odd behaviour on the new baby , but I was growing skeptical . After the events of one terrible day , where my husband was the one to lose his shit , we went and got professional help . This is the year we found out about ADHD . Our son was not normal . And he might not grow out of it . I didn 't know what to think . I was afraid I was going to never have a hope of helping my kid . All those parenting books were garbage . I had to relearn everything about being a mom . I had to learn to not only not sweat the small stuff : I had to learn how to not sweat the medium stuff and a couple of the big things , too . It was during this time that I began to realize just how damaging the myth of Perfect Motherhood had been for me and for women like me . I understood that on the scale of attention deficit my son scored low enough to not medicate . What does that mean then , for the mom who should medicate , and all the fun judgment that goes along with that ? Or the mother of Autism spectrum , or Down 's Syndrome ? These are women with real problems and must experience all the darker sides of mothering perhaps worse than I did . How hurtful it is to be reminded by other moms that the worst fears you have about yourself ; that you 're a bad mother and don 't deserve your children , might be true ? That if you feel angry and frustrated and hopeless and sad most of the time you are somehow ungrateful for gifts from God . To be afraid to say out loud you feel this way and reveal yourself to be a heartless monster . To not be allowed to commiserate and find comfort in women who are struggling in the same way . To feel isolated and alone and evil . And so this is the year I began to go Rotten . I began to be irreverent and heretical when it came to the Holy Station of Motherhood . I began to see it as the source of all the division amongst mothers : natural childbirth vs . epidural / c - section , breastmilk vs . formula , stay at home vs . working moms . If there is anything to be disagreed on in motherhood it is sure to not just become a difference of opinion but a Holy War . A Mommy War . It was getting to me so much I finally had to express myself and Mommy Rotten was born . I felt like it was time to get punk rock on the establishment of Mom . I want moms like me to know they are not alone . |
Guess who got snow . Wonderful cold snow . This morning it was beautiful fluffy white snow falling down . This afternoon it was bitter cold and not quite as fun . Late this afternoon , the sun came out and it was pretty out . My mom wasn 't able to leave for home today so she is still here hanging out with us . We did a ton of shopping yesterday and I 'll fill you all in on what we did later . We got a little shopping in today and then have sat around and ate and watched 12 hours of the Hallmark channel . It 's been a TV marathon . I 'm almost tired from doing nothing today . Cowboy has informed me that tomorrow is house cleaning day . Boy is it needed . I 'm finally taking a day off . I was out of the office most of Wednesday and today for a business meeting . And I 'm taking tomorrow off . However , there is still a lot going on at work and I hate not being there even for a day but I need a break . My ear is finally better and I can hear . Thank the Good Lord that is over . There was a lot of pressure in my head that is gone . My mom is in town and we are working on wedding plans tomorrow . I can 't believe that the big day is only 30 days away . It seemed like it was just yesterday that we were getting engaged and now the big day is almost here . I am so excited . I commented to Cowboy today that our big day was just around the corner . He said , " Don 't worry , I 'll be there " . He doesn 't say it but I think he is getting excited . I 'm looking forward to showing my mom all the plans that I 've made and letting her be a part of what is going on . Random thinking going on in my head , in case this doens 't make any sense . Isn 't it amazing what women pay for vanity ? There are manicures , pedicures , eye brow waxing , bikini waxing , fake fingernails , teeth whitening , not to mention make - up and hair products . We will have our hair colored , hairs plucked , faces hydrated and squeezed . And oh so much more . Keep in mind I am not a girly girl . I have rough heels and bushy eyebrows . I get my hair done about one to two times a year . I break my fingernails weekly . And just recently my toenails finally grew out the polish from my last pedicure . So for the wedding , I 've decided that I want to be a little girly . I want my hair done , toes and feet pretty and great fingernails . But I also want to have a tan to make my pink dress look a little prettier . So it 's off to tanning I go . I haven 't tanned for 10 years . I use sunscreen and haven 't laid out since the 80 's . The whole thing is a new experience . More high powered beds that tan faster . My first time I went I stayed for 6 minutes , then 8 minutes , and another 8 minutes . So Monday night , I thought I needed to go for 9 minutes . Here is the real cost of vanity . . . . a red body , as red as my candied apple jammies . I radiate heat and I 'm sure I glow in the dark . I know , I know . This is so unhealthy . I didn 't sleep well because of my vanity and my jeans were so uncomfortable today . No more 9 minutes . No more bright red . I should be done but I want to look good in my dress . Maybe 7 minutes . Let me preface this by saying - - gross body gunk , read at your own risk . Seriously , I can handle a lot of pain before I start complaining . I only have Tylenol in my cabinet and never take any other over the counter medication . But my freakin ' ear hurts ! I was cleaning my ears out this morning and discovered that I had a ton of ear wax . Gross ! Yuck ! Most likely a symptom of not taking allergy medication for weeks , when I needed to . I was able to clean out my right ear but just as you shouldn 't , I used a Q - Tip and shoved what must be a gallon of wax deeper in my left ear . My ear hurts . It feels all clogged up . The pain goes down the side of my face and to my neck . I 'm so tempted to get a paper clip and fish it out . I know , that 's not the answer and the last time when I tried that I hurt my ear drum . I tend to want to " fix " my ailment with very unconventional means . I 'm trying to be patient and use some ear drops that I have from a couple of years ago . I 'm really going to try to keep foreign objects out of my ear . This might be the hardest thing I have to do . I just want it to get better quick ! My girl turned 19 . Where does the time go ? Cass is my oldest niece and is very special to me . When she was younger , she would come to grandma and grandpa any time that I came home for the weekend . We would do everything together . I remember putting makeup on her at 2 years old . When she was little , we used to take bubble baths in the jacuzzi tub by candle light and talk . She would sleep with me and kick me out of the bed . I would have talks with her at length about life and boys and the likes . One time when the flu went thru the house , she woke up in the middle of the night and puked before she could get out of bed , being the good aunt , I caught it in my hands . I would do anything for her . I 'm so very proud of her . She is a good and kind person . She 's in school to become a nurse , the first in her family to go to college . I want the best for her . Happy Birthday , Cass ! I love you . I woke up this morning to the sound of chainsaws buzzing over my house . Today was tree day at the ranch . A tree service was at our house earlier this week when Cowboy struck up a conversation with the tree climber . The climber cut trees on the side and they decided to top our walnut tree today . This guy was amazing to watch . He was very good at his job and seem just as comfortable in the tree as he was on the ground . We had a big branch hanging over our roof and Cowboy did not want anyone walking on our roof . They didn 't step one foot on the roof and didn 't hit the house once . In this picture , you can see how high up the guy really was . And I didn 't get him at his highest point . You can start to see the pile of brush left behind . To get a better price , Cowboy agreed to take care of all that was left behind . We also will burn the wood next winter . Cowboy was out side all day working in the yard and did an awesome job of getting it all cleaned up . At some point , this big boy showed up . Cowboy had me try to find his owner . All this boy had on his collar was his rabies tag with the vet clinic name and number . His vet was from Manhattan , only about two hours away . I called the clinic and amazingly , they found the number and had the owner information . I asked if he could possibly belong to a couple named Nate and Karen ( a couple that recently moved into our neighborhood from Manhattan ) . No it wasn 't theirs . The clinic said they would call the owner and have the owner call me . About 10 minutes later , Will called saying that he got a call that I had his dog , Casey . Casey was supposed to be saying with his friend . Come to find out , Nate was his friend and Casey got out of his back yard . I told Will that I would walk Casey back . When I went outside and called to Casey , he responded and we walked home . What a great ending , especially since we live very close to a busy street and the outcome could have ended tragically . Posted by I took the afternoon off today . I had a doctor 's appointment scheduled and just decided that I would take the whole afternoon off to finish a few wedding details . I stopped by the bank and got Cowboy added to my checking account ( not that he will have access ) . We needed to be able to have some conveniences with depositing checks with both our name on it etc . Next , I was off to the grocery store to look at flowers . Everyone recommended that they were the best for flowers for the wedding and price - wise they were . I was able to get all of my flowers ordered for the wedding . I 'm going to have Gerber daisies similar to the color above for the bouquet and then in single vases on the tables . Check that off the list . My next stop was the linen place . The table cloths are ordered and will be ready for the big day . They are brown with the exception of the cake table which is sage green . Check that off the list . Then it was off to the doctor . Time of a physical - - fun fun and a script for allergy medication . I haven 't taken it for a couple of months and with the change in the weather , it 's time to start again . I 'm scheduled for a mammogram . They told me the place I 'm going has the new digital technology - - no more boobie smashing . I 'm almost exhausted after getting all that done . Cowboy and I are going to grab a quick bite to eat and then it 's time for Survivor . Whew , I 'm tired . What 's in a name ? What 's your name ? Do you like your name ? When I was growing up , I hated my name . I thought it sounded old ladyish and there were never any other M 's around . I don 't really recall having an opinion about my last name . It 's short and simple . No one misspells it and no one mispronounces it . So here is my big dilemma , what do I do with my name . For the past 24 years , it has been my professional name . I 've been at my job for 15 years and the community knows me by that name so there is some professional recognition associated with my name . My name connects me with my family - - there are only three of us left besides my parents . Both of my sisters changed their names so besides my parents , that leaves me and my brother and his only son . I like my last name . No I love my last name . So what do I do ? Do I change my name , keep it the same or hyphenate it ? I tell Cowboy he 's already had 3 Mrs . W and I 'm not sure I want to be the 4Th . ( His name is even more simple than mine ) . I 'm leaning towards hyphenating it so no one doubts our connection ( not that it really matters to anyone but us ) . I don 't think I can give up my name . I don 't think I want to give up my name . I have 39 days to decide . . . . . oh , what to do . I think I spoke to soon . Poor Sadie , again had the runs all over the kennel today . Cowboy , the quick thinker , had taken out most of the bedding that we keep in the kennel for her . She had one blanket left so the mess wasn 't as big to clean up . But still yucky and not fun . Poor baby , tonight her dinner will consist of white rice and pepto . On a positive note , Cowboy went to get the pepto and came home with MangoDango sundaes from the custard store . Yummy . . . . . Since we were both busy on Saturday , we celebrated Valentine 's Day yesterday . It was a great day . We were able to sleep in and cuddle and talk . One of my favorite times of the day is talking to Cowboy in the morning before we get out of bed . I made breakfast for him since he always makes it for me . We then went shopping and just dinking around . I wanted to go out for Italian buffet , yummy , yummy . We stuffed ourselves and them came home for a quiet time . It was a good day . Sadie seems to be feeling better . Yesterday was a better day for her and today she seems to be fine . I really think it was a case of rotten food . We 'll have to keep her away from that side of the road . My poor baby is sick . Yesterday morning she seemed to be fine . I had left for the day to run all my errands and came home to a funky smell . I went to let Sadie out of her kennel and she raced for the door . I let her out and she pooped and pooped and pooped some more . I went back up to the kennel and she had pooped all over her kennel and had scooted all the blankets to the front of the kennel . I felt so sorry for my poor baby . I don 't know how long she had been in the kennel with poopie blankets . You should have seen me trying to clean them . My gag reflex is not good with smelly poo . I had to stop a couple of times to regain composure . So not good ! ! We got her bed cleaned up and when Cowboy got home , gave her a bath and got her cleaned up . I think she had gotten into the garbage from the people across the street . Their back yard faces our house and they dump scraps against the back fence . This morning about 4 : 30a I heard her racing through the house . I got up and let her out and again she pooed and pooed . When I let her back in , I went to the kitchen to get a drink of water and guess what . A huge pile of poo there . Poor baby , she never has accidents in the house . We were up several times from then on . In and out she went for the next 3 hours . Needless to say , I didn 't get much sleep . She seems to be fine at this point . Poor baby . Posted by Today was a busy day . Cowboy had plans and so did I , just not with each other . So much for a romantic Valentine 's . We 'll spend our day together tomorrow , supposedly doing nothing just hanging out but we all know how that will go . Cowboy left early around 8am . He went to an auction today with his " girlfriend ' ( aka . the neighbor that he spend lots of time with ) . I got to sleep in , actually not sleep but read in bed until around 9 : 30a . Then it was up to meet my friend , Dr . T , at the bridal shop for my dress fitting . I barely made it there in time . It took about 10 minutes to get the dress fitted . Dr T was a little late . Cowboy came in to spend time with me . . . . more later . Okay , I 'm back . We have this on going feud about who spends more time on the computer so just to show him , I got off . He went to get back on his so I 'm back . So back to my day . After the dress fitting , it was off to the mall , flower store , the rental store , Hobby Lobby and Pier One . What a busy day . It gets me closer to being finished with the wedding plans . I 'll post a few pics of all that I got later . Since my dress is pink , I need a tan . So I found a tanning salon and went there for my first session . Tanning has sure changed since I last went , 10 + years ago . No more 30 minutes in the small tanning bed . I was in and out in 6 minutes and get to go an unlimited number of times over the next 30 days . ( Don 't worry , I don 't want to over do it , I just want a little color . ) I 'm pretty darn excited about the wedding . Posted by Survivor is back . Yipee . Hip - Hip Hooray . Be assured that I will be watching every Thursday night and someday , I swear I will be on that show . Did I ever tell you that my ex - boyfriends son was on one season of the show . It was years after we broke up but it was cool to actually know someone on the show . On a side note , I sent out my wedding invites and have gotten tons of compliments on them . But the most exciting part is that I am starting to get the RSVP cards . It 's like Christmas in the mailbox . However the RSVP cards are also a puzzle . I sent out two invites , one for the wedding and one for the reception . I forgot to put a place on the RSVP card for the respondees name . Lucky I caught it after only about 10 invites and wrote in tiny letters on the back who it belonged to . But today I got one back from who knows . I guess I 'll be surprised . 44 days but who 's counting . I don 't know if I 've every blogged about this yet but Cowboy sings . The night I meet him he was singing karaoke . He sings to me every morning , well not actually to me but for me . Well , not actually for me , but I get to hear him every morning . Some mornings I get the oldies : " We had joy we had fun , we had seasons in the sun " other mornings I get country : " Cowgirls don 't cry , so ride baby ride " but my all time favorite is when he makes up words to all the songs that he sings . Sometimes it will be about me , sometimes it will be about Sadie but it 's always funny , quirky and just entertaining . I 've started looking forward to hearing him sing every morning , so I 'd like to think it 's just for me . Another stressful day at work . Enough said . Cowboy called and said he was planning a good dinner and it would be ready when I got home . An awesome dinner was waiting for me . Grilled pork chops , ribeye steaks , and deer steaks along with fresh veggies and homemade cherry wine . It was all very good and melt in your mouth tasty . What a good man ! Way to spoil me baby . What ? You are doing what tomorrow ? Golfing ? ? ? ? ! ! ! ! - - explains the dinner . Today was a good day . I accomplished many tasks today . I finished making curtains for my friend . ( Don 't be to impressed , I 've had the material for 6 months ) . We have a row of bushes in the back part of our yard . It is overgrown and needs to be trimmed really really badly . I started working on it today . I was out there for about 3 hours and only made it through about 1 / 10th of the row of bushes . It think this will become my project for the next summer . ( or two ) I was then able to sneak in a nap . I love napping . The world really needs to nap daily . Then on to wedding invitation . Amazing , I thought it would only take me couple of hours - 4 hours later I was finished . Cowboy told me that planning a wedding was my second job . He said he is already calling me his " wife " . I love that word coming from him . I feel like I was very productive today and didn 't leave the house . I love days like today . On a side note , I am really sore . The work out from Friday is catching up to me ( not to mention the hours out in the yard ! ) . Yes , that my niece , Lil Miss standing in a milk can . She is a little thing and is currently undergoing some test to find out why she is so small . She is no longer on the growth chart , well below . She 's also had a few health problems in the past couple of months . We are all praying that the doctors will find out what is going on and she will grow and grow . So how can you resist that adorable face . We were laughing at her . We went on a three mile walk this morning and she was so tired when we got home . She was watching us but had a hard time keeping her eyes open . She finally went to her bed and took a nap . What an adorable baby ! Today was pretty relaxing , something that I really needed ! I have read several blogs where people have lost thier jobs . It 's a sucky economy and I really feel sorry for anyone without a job at the current time . I 'm on the other side and I don 't like it . We had to make some tough decisions at work today and we are going to have to lay some people off . No jobs for them . I feel bad for them and it 's such a schmucky feeling to know that I have some role in making that decision . However , it 's let a few go to save a lot or have a program fail and have a lot of people lose their job . My back is tense and my jaws are tight , all signs of the stress that I feel . I 'm not sleeping well and am just tired . There are some days that being a Wal - Mart greeter look very appealing . No sense in blogging about what a sucky work life I have right now . It will get better , it has to since I won 't be running out and finding a new job anytime soon . So going on . . . . Tomorrow is going to be in the 50 's , a perfect day to play a round of golf . A day that I would love to be out of the office hittin ' em long and straight . I came home last night and found a confirmation for a tee time on the table . Really ? ? ? My name was on it but I 'm pretty sure I won 't be the one to check in and dust off my clubs . So on the way home , I call Cowboy . Here it goes the loving banter : Me : I can 't believe you are playing without me . Cowboy : Well it will be 50 degrees , what do you expect . Me : It 's just not fair . Cowboy : You better get used to it , that will happen a lot this summer . Me : You know what I say to that , you better get used to me and my Wii if I have to get used to you playing golf without me . Cowboy : Golf and Wii are not the same . I can 't play golf with a Wii player . Me : We 'll have to discuss that before we get married - - it may be a deal breaker . I want a Wii so bad . . . it may help my golf game ( right ? ) I am consumed by work . It 's really out - of - control . Tonight I 'm waiting for my little brother and his family to arrive . Little Miss has a doctors appt tomorrow . They will be a welcomed break from the stress of work . Hopefully , tomorrow I can blog more about what is going on with me . Today has been a pretty productive day . I will be out of the office most of next week and needed to get some work done so I was up early and in the office for a couple of hours this morning . Sadie went with me and ran all over the building , I think she had fun . Probably more so than me . I was able to get quite a bit done that makes me feel some better about the week ahead . I did bring a few things home with me to help me stay caught up . This afternoon I broke out the sewing machine . I 'm going to a baby shower next weekend and the Mommy - to - be wanted some burp clothes . I don 't know about you but I think they turned out pretty darn cute . I hope she likes them . I finished putting together my wedding invitations and now just have to finalize the address list , print the addresses and stuff the envelopes , I think I 'll make my goal of getting them out this week . I 've made a pretty good dent in the laundry and that will get completed as I watch the Superbowl . Which , by the way , I love the Superbowl . It really doesn 't matter to me who is playing but " GO CARDS " . One last thought for the day . Cowboy and I were watching TV together last night when out of the blue he says " You are the best woman I know . I know I give you a hard time most of the time , and you take it from me but I want you to know that you are the BEST " . Sometimes , he can do it . He can give compliments , there is hope for more . This is our life . The story of the cowboy and me . I can 't beleive the things that come out of his mouth and the good fortune that I have to be around to hear them . We are trying to make our way in the world . I 'm a social worker in a job that is bigger than me most days and he is my stay at home guy that has is own little ' entrepreneural spirit ' . We just got married and have moved into our home that has a small piece of land ( 1 / 2 acre ) in a very big city . So what do I do with a Cowboy in the city . . . |
As one of the few women in a sky full of hotshot flyboys , Maj . Eleanor Daniels has worked day and night to earn a coveted spot at Red Flag . And she 's not about to let some cocky British bad boy distract her from winning . But when the games take a deadly turn , he may be her only hope for survival . Water . He bent to get the half bottle that was left . A small piece of rock jumped , blowing a tiny amount of dust in the air . He was moving before his brain had caught up with what he 'd seen . He jumped at Eleanor , yanking her to the ground . " Sniper ! " he yelled , even though she was underneath him . Nope . Not without being target practice . " Sure . Wait a moment . " He slid off her and crawled , flat - out like a crab , toward the bag . He hooked it in his elbow and made his way back . He knew he was a wide open target . But there was no shot . No chipped off rocks , and no dust . " Damn , do you have a death - wish ? " Now he just felt like a complete tool , lying down , as if he were cowering from something she wasn 't scared of . He sat up and joined her . " It 's where we are will be eloping to . A town in Scotland where you can get married without any ceremony , or registration . It 's like the Vegas of Europe . " Her mouth dropped open . " Wait a minute , you don 't think we getting out of this alive , do you ? You think we 're going to die here in the desert at the hands of these … whoever is trying to kill us , and you 'll never have to marry me . We 'll be dead , won 't we ? " " I 'm hurt by your cynicism . And yes , maybe you 're right , but it 's got to say something that I 'm at death 's door and the only woman I want to marry is you . " He tried not to smile . A rock exploded at their feet . " Shit . Now you 're just trying to get me killed , so you don 't have to marry me . " Emmy Curtis is an editor and a romance writer . An ex - pat Brit , she quells her homesickness with Cadbury Flakes and Fray Bentos pies . She 's lived in London , Paris and New York , and has settled for the time being , in North Carolina . When not writing , Emmy loves to travel with her military husband and take long walks with their Lab . All things considered , her life is chock full of hoot , just a little bit of nanny . And if you get that reference … well , she already considers you kin . Maverick Austin Davis is forced to return home after a ten - year career as a rodeo star . After one too many head injuries , he 's off the circuit and in the horse farming business , something he 's never taken much of a shine to , but now that it 's his late father 's legacy , familial duty calls . How will Maverick find his way after the only dream he ever had for himself is over ? Enter Leighton Elizabeth James , an ugly duckling turned beauty from Maverick 's childhood - his younger sister 's best friend , to be exact , and someone whose heart he stomped all over when she confessed her crush to him ten years back . Now Leighton is back in Maverick 's life , no longer the insecure , love - stricken teen - and Maverick can 't help but take notice . Sparks fly between them , but will Leighton be able to open her heart to the one man who broke it all those years ago ? I should tell Quinn and Clay that he 's here . But one look at him and it 's like the last ten years have never passed and I 'm back at the bonfire , the awkward high schooler uncomfortable in her own skin . Marching away from him in the woods . It was the last time I saw him . How is it possible that he can affect me this much after all this time ? He hasn 't noticed me , not with his head bowed , so I quickly turn around and focus on Pastor John as he finishes up his prayer . Him being here means nothing . I should be happy that I remember the pain from that night so well , it will make keeping my walls up around him so much easier . " On behalf of the Davis family , I want to thank everyone for coming today . At this time , the family has asked for some time alone as they say their good - byes . They wanted me to remind everyone that the PieHole will be opening up for a few hours tonight starting at five for anyone that wishes to join them . " I keep my arm around Quinn , not looking back to where I saw Maverick . I can hear the church slowly emptying and I feel a frown pull at my lips . I had hoped that when everyone started to leave that he would have come up front to be with his family , but so far , the pew we 're in is still empty save for the three of us . We sit and wait for everyone to leave , something that Clay had asked Pastor John to make arrangements for in place of the customary recessional , knowing that no one in this town would really mean a word of it anyway . Plus , I know Quinn is having a hard time . Regardless of the fact that she wasn 't the closest with her father , she was really counting on this - Maverick home . She 's still shaking in my arms , but when I look over at Clay I realize his silence isn 't because of the heaviness of Buford 's death , but instead anger over his brother 's absence that has started to build to a boil . I fear that he 's seconds away from tipping over the edge . I stand when Clay and Quinn do , but hang back at the edge of the row we had been sitting in as they meet Pastor John and gather their father 's ashes . I can 't wait to get out of these heels . If it would have been acceptable to wear my boots , I would have , but Quinn would have killed me . As it is , I feel like I can 't take a deep breath with how tight my dress is against my chest . I never wear tight shirts . I haven 't since my boobs became beasts of their own right . I 'm too busy fiddling with the straps of my dress , trying desperately to get some of the pressure against my chest to ease up so I could take a deep breath , when I heard Quinn gasp . " Mav ! " Next thing I know she 's running past where I 'm standing , her black hair streaming in the air behind her as she speeds forward right into her brother 's arms . Clay moves to stand next to me and I look up to meet his green eyes , the questions he isn 't vocalizing dancing in their emerald depths . He 's not stupid and I 'm doing a crappy job at hiding the memories haunting me right now . He gives me a small smile , shifting his hold on the urn to wrap his free arm around me and pulls me into a strong hold . I keep my eyes to the ground , focusing on his worn boots instead of looking up , hating myself for making this moment about me when I should be focused on them . Like it or not , I can 't fight the feelings that being near him bring me . I 'm that stupid , naive sixteen - year - old all over again . " Let 's get out of here , " he says after a few silent seconds . I look up and give him a smile , hoping that it looks a hell of a lot braver than I feel . Inside I feel like I might puke . " Mav . " Quinn attempts to butt in , but stops when Maverick leaves her side and turns to stalk out of the church . I should find it comical that he obviously didn 't recognize me , or hell , maybe he did and he 's just picking up where he left off ten years ago in the middle of the dark woods . I take a deep breath . " It 's okay . He 's right . Y ' all need some time as a family . I 'll head over to the PieHole and start settin ' up for tonight . " " Clay , really , it 's okay . It 's been a long time since y ' all were back together and I don 't need to be there for that reunion . It sucks that it takes all of this to finally bring him home , but he 's here and y ' all need to make up for a lot of time lost . " " Don 't what ? You 've got every right to be here . You 're just as much a part of our family as he is . Hell , maybe even more so than he is at this point . So just shut up , come with us , and ignore him . " I 've mentioned before how sometimes you just need an easy book , one that isn 't full of drama … well , there are other times when you go the other way . And with Lost Rider you better be ready for the angst ! This book is full of all sorts of emotions - both Maverick and Leigh go through a lot to find happiness , plus there are secrets in the Davis family that cause a little tension to go with all the love between these siblings . It doesn 't make for a simple read but it definitely helps make a worthwhile one . I 've heard of Sloan before but this is the first of her stories that I 've read . And I can guarantee it won 't be my last 🙂 She 's got a real writing style , delivering earthy country people with a down home realism to them . They are honest and natural in their reactions , living life as big as the Texas sky … even when it means running from their troubles . But they grow them tough in the South and when push comes to shove they figure things out . Harper is a NEW YORK TIMES , WALL STREET JOURNAL and USA TODAY bestselling author residing in Georgia with her husband and three daughters . She has a borderline unhealthy obsession with books , hibachi , tattoos and Game of Thrones . When she isn 't writing you can almost always find her with a book in hand . There 's a scene in the first segment of Wooing the Wedding Planner where the heroine , Roxie , and the hero , Byron , get into a lively … we 'll say " debate . " This " debate " takes place in the kitchen . The subject is knives and how to use the various selection of blades from the butcher block . Trivial , you say ? Who fights over something as silly as how to use a knife ? However , some might find this passage interesting or , er , familiar . By some , I mean one person , specifically . My spouse . He and I have squabbled over the same subject for years . We 've had this " debate " over and over for well on a decade . Perhaps because of his repeated instruction on how to use a paring knife versus a boning knife and the multitude of band - aids I 've gone through as a result of accidental nicks and slices I 've given myself because I refuse to admit that he is … perhaps … somewhat ( arg ! ) right , that I chose to immortalize this argument in print as well as some other notable kitchen disasters of which I am now fond . Like Roxie , the wedding planner , I never learned to cook . For years , I planted myself firmly at the writing desk at dinnertime and let the aforementioned spouse cook for both of us . Then something happened , or someone . He was a beautiful , alien creature . Seven pounds ; twelve ounces of squalling newborn perfection . When I met my son , something happened to me . There were endorphins . There was panic . There was delight . I learned that you could laugh / cry / snort / sob all at the same time - and often . And there was something else ; something the mountains of parenting and birthing books hadn 't warned me of . The sudden overwhelming desire to COOK for this creature . And , weirdly enough , his father . I grew up at my mother 's table where there were delicious home - brewed meals aplenty . The idea of letting my boy grow up eating freezer meals sent me scrambling for the library in haste . I devoured cookbooks . I read Julia Child 's My Life in France again and again , making notes in the margins . I joined Pinterest . And , through years of stops and starts , successes and failures , I became something of a decent cuisinier . Often as writers , we draw on personal experience to flesh out our characters and bring weight to their experience . While writing the first draft for Wooing the Wedding Planner , I saw Roxie starting a new life after her divorce . I saw her desperately trying to reinvigorate her thirst for independence and learn a new normal . I also saw that she was oh - abouts thirty . " Throw away the take - out menus and buy yourself an apron , " I told her . " You 're in for a foodie adventure ! " ( Yes , I have conversations with imaginary people . Why do you ask ? ) The scene where Byron walks in on Roxie in the first of many cooking disasters as well as the one where she stays up through the night trying to cull the perfect apple pie from her oven is dedicated to the harried bathrobe - clad woman my sleepy and baffled husband has been known to find standing over the stove at 3 a . m . " What are you doing ? " he asks me , shaking his head . " I 'm cooking , " I respond as I stir the hambone soup I 'll still be standing over at noon the next day . I still don 't know where it comes from . It 's more than the domestic chore or duty of a bygone era of housewives . I adore cooking for my family . I love providing enjoyment over a meal as well as sustenance . In its own way , it 's an expression of love , appreciation , even gratitude for their presence in my life . Yet , through the years , something else happened . Something funny . For some , cooking comes naturally . For others , it 's like learning a foreign language . For Roxie and me , it was the latter . Why do we persist ? Because we grow through it . We improve upon ourselves . Because , believe it or not , we enjoy it for ourselves - the challenge of it . For us , cooking is love , as is food . And the fact that the brave men in our lives spend a few extra minutes exercising everyday so that they may test our various carbo - loaded and dessert - laden wares is the essence of requital . A toast to them both and to us ! No more wedding marches for her ! Wedding planner Roxie Honeycutt can make happy - ever - after come true for anyone except herself . Freshly divorced and done with love , she 's okay with watching clients walk down the aisle . What 's not okay ? Sharing a charming Victorian house with accountant Byron Strong . He 's frustratingly sexy and determined to keep her confused . Roxie thought Byron 's expertise was numbers , yet somehow he sees her for who she really is . Somehow he understands the hurt she hides behind a trademark smile . Suddenly romance is tempting again , even if it means risking another heartbreak . It was difficult to forget a kiss like that , especially coming from someone … well , someone like Byron . Roxie had spent more time than she 'd like to admit trying not to think about the kiss - about how sweet it was . She 'd forgotten kisses could be so sweet . She 'd tried extra hard to forget how his lips had lingered . And how in lingering he 'd awakened starbursts inside her . Starbursts of eternity . She frowned deeply . Being touched … it had been so long since she had really been touched . The hollowness in her had turned into a resounding ache , and for a few moments she 'd thought about bringing Byron 's mouth back down to hers . For a few moments , she 'd craved more than his companionship . She 'd craved the contact . The promise of heat that came with it . But had she wanted it - had she wanted him - for the single reason that heat could erode loneliness ? There was trust there . There was affection . For those small starbursts of eternity , there had been longing and the promise of flame . It had been too long since she 'd felt the sheer , electrical pulse of new chemistry . Amber Leigh Williams is a Harlequin romance writer who lives on the US Gulf Coast . She lives for beach days , the smell of real books , and spending time with her husband and their two young children . When she 's not keeping up with rambunctious little ones ( and two large dogs ) , she can usually be found reading a good book or indulging her inner foodie . Amber is represented by the D4EO Literary Agency . Wyatt Montgomery knows a barrel of legendary Zoria imperial stout will help his Denver gastropub stay on top . The only problem is the brewery that made it is no longer in business . When Wyatt hears the brewmaster has only one barrel left , he won 't stop until it 's his . He doesn 't consider what this mythical barrel might cost him . And he certainly doesn 't anticipate his reaction to the heart - stoppingly beautiful brewmaster he needs to convince to sell him the beer . When Wyatt rushes into Bec Dempsey 's small - town cooperative offering to buy the last barrel of her precious Zoria , she 's thrown for a loop . She 's been burned by city - slickers before , and she 'll be damned if she 'll let it happen again . But when things start heating up between them , Bec decides to make Wyatt a counteroffer . One she hopes he won 't refuse . Bec washed the dishes methodically , piling them in the pan of rinse water so that he could put them in the drainer . The process moved along briskly as long as he didn 't pay any attention to the tension between them that was thick enough to cut with a knife . The whole evening was rapidly drawing to a close . He could walk out of her apartment without causing any more problems - he 'd be on his way back to the hotel in a matter of minutes . No harm , no foul . Or not . He watched Bec for a moment . Her hair frizzed slightly from the warm damp air as she leaned over the dishes . He could see the faint fluff of red against the side of her face . Her milky skin was slightly pink from the heat . He had a sudden image of milk white breasts with nipples like roses . The hair between her legs would probably be red , too . He 'd definitely like to find out for sure . He brought his mouth to hers , breathing in her slight gasp of surprise , his hands dropping to her shoulders . For a moment they stood joined , her hands pressing against his chest , and then her mouth opened beneath his and his tongue darted in to taste . Sweet , so sweet . But something else too , like salted caramel , sweet and savory and unexpected . He moved closer , sliding a hand down her back , and heard her purr of arousal as her arms went around his neck . He cupped her ass , tight with muscle , and his pulse beat hard . What he 'd been wanting all night . What he 'd been wanting longer than that if he was honest . Touching , tasting , moving . Yes , yes , yes . Or not . Bec stepped back , eyes wide , lips slightly open as she gasped in a breath . " No , " she whispered . " This can 't … We can 't … I can 't do this . " Meg Benjamin is an author of contemporary romance . Her books have won an EPIC Award for Contemporary Romance , the Romantic Times Reviewers ' Choice Award , the Holt Medallion , and the Award of Excellence among other honors . Meg lives in Colorado with her DH and two rather large Maine coon kitties ( well , partly Maine Coon anyway ) . It has only been a few months since humanity has found out about the shifters that live in their midst . When the New Alliance leadership asks Eric King to join Alpha Squad , a joint taskforce supposed to promote cooperation between the shifters and human authorities , his loyalty to the cause doesn 't give him any choice but to agree . But is the squad actually supposed to be relevant , or is it just an eyewash , set up by the new Secretary for Shifter Affairs to make himself look good ? And how is he going to concentrate on his training , when his inner bear is insisting that the squad leader is his true mate ? Major Janine Williams is not at all pleased when she is ordered to set up Alpha Squad . The initiative is just a gimmick , meant to pacify the shifter community , plus none of her male colleagues had wanted the job . But when she starts getting to know her team , especially tough East London bear shifter , Eric , she starts to wonder if perhaps it will be possible to make this task force a success , so long as everyone works together . And so long as she can manage to keep her relationship with Eric strictly professional . Eric took a deep breath and closed his eyes . He should have just stayed behind at that service station , perhaps tried to strike up more of a conversation with the mysterious woman who had caught his eye there . Or ideally , he should have risked Henry 's disapproval and refused to join the task force . Anything was better than this . Back to the mystery woman . And what a woman she was . A regal beauty , with a voice that had set his heart alight . His inner bear had tried its best to claw to the surface ; he 'd hardly been able to control the urge to shift right there in front of her . How would she have reacted if she 'd seen his true form ? Things had changed since the New Alliance 's little stunt , coming out to the entire world media , but they hadn 't changed that much for everyone . Humans were still apprehensive , and why wouldn 't they be ? Most of their kind were pretty damn scary looking . Instead , he was stuck here in this decrepit old building with a bunch of people , none of whom seemed to want to be here . Except Blackwood the wolf , maybe . He had seemed like the most cheerful person here after Adam . Major Williams . Eric was speechless . He had expected a grey - haired man , gruff like the SAS guy across the room , but perhaps more polished . Their commander was a woman . His woman . Major Williams scanned the room , slowly , pausing on each of the other trainees for a moment , then moving on to the next . Until she spotted Eric . She looked away instantly . Of course , she 'd recognized him as well , and she did not look pleased to find him here . " I am Major Janine Williams , your team leader . Welcome and thank you for joining Alpha Squad . Starting tomorrow , I will conduct your training , evaluate you , and report on the progress of this task force with the relevant higher authorities . The first phase of training starts in the morning and will last two weeks , at the end of which you will all be graded on various aspects of your performance . Anyone who is deemed unfit to continue will be asked to leave at that point , before phase two begins . Any questions ? " " You shall address me as Major Williams or Ma ' am , first of all . Secondly , this task force is not a joke . Only those who are worthy will make the cut . " The major glared at him from across the room . Eric couldn 't help but be impressed by her show of authority . Eric had trouble suppressing a smile . She wasn 't going to take any crap from anyone , that much was obvious . It would only be a matter of time before Adam and the major would clash similarly . Amusingly , he found himself rooting not for his brother , but for the woman . Training under her command could get interesting . She glanced at him for a split second , during which he did his best to hide his reaction . He would play along , fall in line , and do his best to fit into the squad . He owed it to Henry , but that was not the only reason . Fate had handed him a second chance after he recklessly failed to get her details earlier today . No matter what , Eric was not going to waste the opportunity . He 'd prove his worth to her one way or another before training was over . Amy Dover 's dream of training horses has come with a price . The pressures of her career - not to mention an oppressive husband and business partner - have sucked out all the joy the horses used to bring her . After her husband 's sudden death , Amy leaves that world behind and takes a job as a farmhand so she find her passion - and herself . Dustin King has more than enough on his plate . He 's got a full barn and a packed training roster that includes rescued horses who need more attention than he can spare . The last thing he wants to deal with is a woman who 's unnervingly indifferent toward horses , no matter how attractive she is . Except Amy isn 't as indifferent as Dustin thought . In fact , working with two traumatized horses might be just what she needs , and as Amy and Dustin bond with the rescued horses , they also bond with each other . Dustin reignites something else Amy thought she 'd lost forever . No matter how much they try to resist , the spark that draws them together keeps getting hotter . It was a closed - casket service , so there 'd be no closure from seeing him one last time . I didn 't care to see him again anyway , closure or no . All the tearful sentiments - he was so young , it was so tragic , he was such a wonderful man - would have sent me right into the ground with him . I couldn 't stomach the thought of one more person patting my shoulder and telling me how sorry they were , how horrible it must be for me , and to call if I needed anything at all . The night before they buried Sam , I quietly packed the few things I couldn 't live without into my truck . Whatever belongings didn 't fit , I left in the too big , too quiet house . The next day , at a little past noon and right around the time my family and friends were probably all dressed in black and filing into the church , I climbed into the cab and drove out of town without looking back . Well , that wasn 't entirely true . I had an address entered into my GPS . I had a job lined up , a place to stay , a destination in mind . But beyond that ? I didn 't know . I didn 't know anything anymore except that I needed to get far , far from here so I could collect my thoughts and and I didn 't even know . I couldn 't even say I needed to sort out my feelings , because I didn 't feel anything . No pain . No grief . No anger . Nothing but the restlessness reverberating through me and telling me to just get the hell out of here . The service . My husband 's memorial service . There should have been a lump in my throat or something , maybe even some hot , seething anger , but I felt absolutely nothing . Even the makeup - concealed mark on my face wasn 't throbbing anymore . " I 'm not coming . " Ugh . Could I have sounded any more like a petulant brat ? Stomp , stomp , I 'm not coming , and you can 't make me . As if it really was that simple or that petty . She was quiet for a moment . I thought she might be chewing on what I 'd said , thinking of a response , but soft movement on the other end suggested she was relocating to someplace where fewer people might overhear . The voices in the background quieted , and Mariah said , " What 's going on ? " " I can 't do it , " I said . " Look , there 's a lot I can 't explain right now . I just , I need to get away fromeverything . Clear my head , I guess . " " I need … " I glanced at the rearview , meeting my own eyes for a second before I focused on the road ahead . " I just need to go away . Get myself back together . " I gnawed my lower lip . I really didn 't want anyone to know because I didn 't want any of them to try to find me . I just needed to be as alone as I could get for a while . Taking a deep breath , I held the steering wheel tighter . " Just don 't worry about me , okay ? " " You 're blowing town while we 're burying your husband . " Mariah 's voice was gentle but insistent . " That 's not fine , Amy . That 's going off the deep end . " My sister was silent for a long moment . " When you get a chance , " she said finally , " could you at least e - mail me and let me know where you 're at with the horses on your training schedule ? So I can work with them for you ? " Guilt twisted under my ribs . I 'd been in such a hurry to get away , I hadn 't thought about everything else I was leaving behind . " Oh , man , I 'm sorry , Mariah . I 'm leaving you in a lurch , aren 't I ? " It 's not too late . I can turn around . Hardly anyone even knows I 'm gone yet . King 's Ranch probably won 't have any trouble replacing me . Farmhands are a dime a dozen . " Amy . Honey . " Mariah 's voice was the closest it could be to a reassuring hand on my shoulder . " If this is what you need to do , then I 'll hold down the fort while you 're gone . I 'll bring in an extra pair of hands if I have to , but you just go . We 'll all be here when you come back . " I exhaled . So I was really doing this . My husband 's funeral was starting , and I was really driving seventy - five miles an hour in the opposite direction and wondering if I could possibly get away any faster . My chest ached with guilt . Part of me wished I could think that ache away , but part of me was admittedly glad to feel something for the first time since long before Sam died , even if it was just guilt that I 'd left my oppressively huge workload in my sister 's lap . Maybe I should have done this sooner . While he was still alive and could have dealt with the fallout of me leaving . But Sam couldn 't stop me today , and I would find a way to make this up to Mariah , so I drove , and I kept on driving . Mile after mile , city after city , over the ear - popping mountain pass and down into the desert scrubland while the familiar evergreen trees faded in the rearview . An off - ramp took me from the interstate to a rural highway , and that highway wound between cornfields , wheat fields and dry brown hills that lounged across the landscape like lazy Shar Pei dogs . The highway narrowed , and the speed limit inched down from fifty - five to forty - five to thirty - five . It dipped into the twenties as I rolled through a no - name town with dusty pickups parked along the sidewalks in front of places with names like " Mom 's Diner " and " Aunt Edna 's Groceries . " On the other edge of town - the first edge still being visible in my rearview - the speed limit picked up to forty - five again , and I continued weaving and winding my way past the fields and hills . With every mile , I was less and less sure about this . It wasn 't like me to just drop everything and run , especially without saying a word to anyone until the wheels were already in motion . The more unfamiliar scenery I passed , the more real it all became , and this strange brand of newfound freedom became almost suffocating in its uncertainty . But I couldn 't turn back . If I 'd thought this through before I left , I 'd have talked myself out of it , and now that I 'd come this far , pride wouldn 't let me face my family yet , not after they 'd probably heard what was going on . What I was doing . How badly I was losing my mind . And anyway , I told myself , I had a job waiting for me out here . A menial one in which I was very , very replaceable , but still one I 'd committed to start tomorrow . If I decided to go back to the world I 'd just left - and the job to which I should have been way more committed - fine , but not at the last second . I 'd left enough people high and dry this week . I was no longer connected to the never - ending knot of pavement that tangled and twisted together in one giant rat 's nest of streets and highways . I was no longer tied to the loops and straightaways and exits and off - ramps that , no matter how far I 'd driven , always bound me to that one blood - stained intersection . As dust kicked up from my tires and I navigated around potholes the size of grain buckets , that intersection no longer haunted my rearview mirror . I was in one of the river valleys now , and the dirt road took me past more fields and - thank God - some forested areas . Not as thick and green as on the other side of the state , but not quite so desolate and scrubby as every uncultivated stretch I 'd seen for the last few hours . Off and on , between small clusters of trees , white fences surrounded herds of cattle . Then horses . Then cattle again . He smiled , the weathered corners of his eyes crinkling . " We did . Now , Dustin owns the place - I 'm mostly retired now - but I can show you where you 'll be staying . " " Not tonight , " John said . " He 's down in Oregon picking up a couple new horses . I imagine he 'll be home around noon tomorrow , so that ought to give you some time to settle in . " " You 're a lifesaver , Ms . Dover , " he said . " We 've been hurtin ' since the last hand left , especially with Dustin being away this past week . " He gestured at himself . " These old bones can 't do all this nonsense anymore , I 'll tell ya . " John led me across the driveway to one of the two log houses . The one he 'd come out of a moment ago was two - story , while the one he led me toward was single - story but wider than the other . Almost like two small ranch - style houses pressed up against each other . When I 'd agreed to take this job as a live - in farmhand , I 'd expected a tiny apartment , maybe a converted loft over the barn or a mother - in - law suite beside the house , but , by the looks of it , this was a full - size duplex . As we walked onto the porch , John said , " Dustin lives on that side . " He gestured at the door on the far right of the wide porch . As he started toward the left side , he said , " And this side is yours . " " Well , we built the duplex so the kids had places to stay , " he said . " It was cheaper , you see , building one instead of two . But our daughter decided she didn 't want to stay on the farm , so we decided to use her half for farmhands . Ain 't a lot of other places for someone to live around here , and it meant we didn 't have to convert the barn office into an apartment , so it worked out nicely . " The cabin was small but cozy . It was pleasantly decorated in a country style that matched the old , probably antique furniture . From what I 'd heard about Eastern Washington 's winters , I had a feeling that wood - burning stove would come in handy in a few months . " I hope this will do for ya . " John took off his weathered old cowboy hat as he stepped inside . " Ain 't exactly a New York penthouse , but it 's what we 've got . " " It 's fine . " I took in my surroundings . In fact , I liked the tiny place . It was small , and it was - more or less - mine . After sharing a house that was simultaneously way too big for two people and entirely too small for Sam and me , this was perfect . Turning to John , I said , " It 'll be just fine . Thank you . " " Good , good . " He put on his hat and inched toward the door . " Well , I 'll let you get settled in . In the morning , I can show you around the farm . " He went back up to the main house while I grabbed a few things out of the truck . Not a whole lot - I hadn 't brought much anyway - but just the bare minimum to tide me over until tomorrow . Then I went into the tiny , warmly decorated bedroom that was mine for the foreseeable future . Just the sight of the queen - size bed made me doubly aware of how exhausted I was . Every muscle ached , and my eyes were heavy like I 'd just come home from a grueling , weeklong competition . Time to get some sleep . I could deal with thinking and all of that when the sun came up . The bruise had faded , but not by much . The edges had expanded a little , radiating out from the darker center that covered my cheekbone , and the farther they reached down my cheek and up to my eye , the lighter they were . At least it was more of a sickly blue - green today rather than the deep , furious purple it had been the morning after . Another week or so of applying and reapplying concealer - wonderful when I 'd be working outside in dusty summer heat - and it would be gone . My gaze drifted from the bruise to the leather string suspended around my neck and dipping beneath my collar . Swallowing hard , I reached up and pulled it out from under my shirt , and the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end when my gold wedding band caught the light from the single bulb above the mirror . The heavy ball of lead that had taken up residence in my stomach sank a little deeper , and I let my gaze flick back and forth from the ring to the mark on my face . One would go away on its own . The other , only when I took the initiative and took the damn thing off . And left it off this time . Sighing , I let the ring drop onto my chest , wondering how a band that thin could be so heavy . One of these days , I 'd take it off . Maybe even get rid of it . Maybe so , but I had my limits . Skipping town and blowing off Sam 's funeral pushed those limits , but taking off the ring ? I wasn 't ready for that yet . I closed my hand around the ring , the metal cool against my skin and the guilt hot in my otherwise numb chest . Closing my eyes , I could still hear the rumble of his motorcycle fading into the distance . I could still taste the venomous whispered prayer that it would be the last time I heard that sound , that he really wasn 't coming back this time . Lauren Gallagher is an abnormal romance writer who has recently been exiled from the glittering utopia of Omaha , Nebraska , to an undisclosed location in South America . Along with her husband , a harem of concubines , and a phosphorescent porcupine , she remains , as always , in hiding from the Polynesian Mafia . For the moment , she seems to have eluded her nemesis , M / M romance author L . A . Witt , but figures L . A . will eventually become bored with the wilds of Spain and come looking for her . And when that time comes , Lauren will be ready . Assuming L . A . doesn 't have her hands full keeping track of Lori A . Witt and Ann Gallagher , which she probably will . There are a lot of things Ali Marshal doesn 't do : pink anything , a day without chocolate , and Hawk , her sister 's ex - husband . Sure , he 's a sexy former NHL star who can make her pulse pound with just a wink . But he belonged to Bridget first . And no matter how long she 's had a crush on him , how great he 's always been to her dad , or that her sister is engaged to someone else now and Ali needs a date to their engagement party , she can 't give in to temptation . Can she ? It 's been years since his disastrous marriage crashed and burned , and Bradley Hawk has finally moved on . So when Bridget blows back into town with her new fiancé , throwing the engagement party of the year , he could care less . . . until Ali tells one little lie that lands him smack dab in a fake relationship . After one promise to be Ali 's date and two of the hottest kisses he 's ever had , Hawk can 't deny how much he wants her . But what happens when this fauxmance starts to feel very , very real ? The intensity of her feelings terrified her . They always had . Even at seventeen she knew what she felt went beyond the run - of - the - mill teenage crush . She 'd been in love . Sure , it was a young , simple love , but it was love all the same . So when he married her sister , she did her best to let him go . But no matter how painful it had been for her , and at times the ache was so acute it had been paralyzing , she was never able to set him completely free . Choosing the pain over the loss . Now he was back , looking at her how she always looked at him , as if he 'd never let go , and Ali gave in to the fantasy . Played out the what - ifs she carried with her for over a decade . He 'd been hers for so long , she let herself believe that she was his , too . He was asking for right here , right now - this she knew . Tomorrow , reality would creep in , and everything would go back to the way it was . But tonight , sitting on this beach , overlooking a world bigger than the two of them , Ali wanted to feel what it was like to be loved by the man who owned her heart . " I want you . " She trailed her hands down his pecs to that flat stomach and lower , loving how his muscles rippled and curled under her touch . " I want you to pamper me so hard I won 't remember how to walk come morning . " Hawk 's eyes darkened , and his mouth was on hers . Hard and demanding , and just how she 'd imagined . There was no warm - up , no testing the waters . He was kissing her as if he knew what he wanted . He never stopped kissing her , but she felt his lashes flutter open , realized that she 'd never closed her own . Then his deep brown eyes locked on hers , watching her as they kissed , and it was erotic and unexpected . As she watched him back , she felt his lips curl into a smile . Could feel the dimples on both cheeks come alive under her touch . Ali never considered herself a watcher . But Hawk was such a beautiful and commanding man , she 'd never been able to look away . Not even now , when her body was begging for release . He was that good - a simple kiss and she was so turned on , she could feel her body shaking . " It 's not like I stand there peering through your bedroom window at night , " she said , leaving out that night he was at the bar . His bedroom window during the morning , when he was walking around after a shower . She was more than guilty . Ali wasn 't sure what to do . Hard , challenging , complicated - that was what she was used to . But this was light , simple - too easy to be real . It confused her as much as it terrified her . Marina Adair is a # 1 National bestselling author of romance novels and holds a Master of Fine arts in creative writing . Along with the Destiny Bay series , she is also the author of the Sugar , Georgia series , the St . Helena Vineyard series , and her new Heroes of St . Helena series . She currently lives with her husband , daughter , and two neurotic cats in Northern California . Eager to rid herself of the empty socialite life , Frankie Vaughn moves to a rundown home in Minnesota that she inherited from her aunt . But Frankie is shocked at what she discovers inside : three young boys . When Ryan discovers that Frankie , his new neighbor , has taken on the three homeless kids as her own , he has a new hope for humanity . Despite how easily and lovingly Ryan takes to Frankie and the boys , his past just might be the reason Frankie can 't adopt the boys . Now , Ryan must choose between loving them or letting them go . Can he walk away from what he 's been looking for all along ? As he edged near the property line , he caught sight of toned , shapely legs swinging from the branch of a tree . His neighbor was doing pull - ups . On a tree . " What the hell are you doing ? " Ryan said the words to himself , his finger sliding off of the trigger . Frankie hadn 't heard him . Her earbuds ' cord was connected to the iPod strapped to her arm . He repeated his question , louder , and she startled , dropping from the limb she 'd been holding . Pulling her earphones out , she smiled and gave a surprised laugh . Lust curled tight in his stomach at the sound . Which pissed him off since he didn 't need more complications in his life . She wiped the sweat off her brow with the back of her hand . Strands of hair were escaping the ponytail sitting high on her head . She put her hands on her hips , gulping in air , still smiling . His eyes roamed over the tone and definition of her arms . Arms weren 't supposed to be a turn on . They were just something to have wrapped around you . Along with legs . But legs were a turn on . Still , he couldn 't take his eyes off of her arms . They led up to sleek shoulders and a graceful collarbone . When his eyes met hers , she was grinning and he knew he 'd been caught looking . She rested a hand on the bark and smiled at him with something like fire flashing in those blue eyes . Her breath was a bit uneven , but firm . " I 've never shared a tree with anyone . It feels like a big step . " He bit back a smile . " Funny . This tree needs to be cut down . It 's rotted . " He kicked at the trunk to show her what he meant . " And as much as I appreciate your neighborly concern , Ryan , I can take care of myself . And our tree . See , my home gym isn 't quite set up yet so I 'm using what 's available . If you want , we can work out a schedule for tree use . " " Yeah . But it 's still not safe . I have an extra pull - up bar in my garage . You put it in the frame of a doorway . I 'll grab it and bring it over , " he said , hoping the gesture served as an apology . She gave a rough laugh . " I don 't need anything from you , Ryan . I 'll pick another tree . Or do push - ups . " She backed away , the unease in her eyes fascinating the hell out of him . She didn 't want him over . And not because he was a jerk . She waved one perfectly shaped arm over her head as she went back to her house . He turned the weed trimmer back on , purposely turning his body in the other direction . He wasn 't going to stand around and watch her go , even across her yard . He 'd never watch a woman leave again . Once was enough . Jody Holford is a multi - published author who has a soft spot for happily ever after . So much so , she tattooed the words on her arm . She 's a mom and a wife , a friend , sister , daughter , teacher , and book - lover . Her stories have a little bit of heat and a lot of heart . And maybe , some swoon - worthy moments that will make you smile . It 's about lying ! LOL . Truly , it 's about when all your little white lies catch up to you , and what the hell do you do then ? You make up a gargantuan sized one to cover them , and then hope it doesn 't swallow you whole . Unless it 's in the form of a hot sexy get - under - your - skin man … . then by all means swallow ! ( I did not just say that . ) Lanie and Nick 's story was honestly one of my favorite books to write - EVER . It was so much fun , and such a runaway train ride with no hands ! I loved literally watching them fall for each other , I loved Lanie 's spunk ! I loved every second of it , and it birthed the town of Charmed , so I hope you will love it as much as I do . What types of scenes are your most favorite to write ? I adore writing intense scenes with either sexy - smexy chemistry burning up the page or fast snappy dialogue . Sex scenes before the sex … with the tease and the tension and the snarky back and forth talking … I love that . Also fights are a blast with all that emotion churning around . Dialogue is always the most fun . I groan to write description … Everyone says this , but seriously , never give up . I met Sandra Brown at a writer 's conference , and she was behind a table signing for a line of hundreds , and when I got up there I said " Everyone in this line wants to be you one day . " She looked at me and said , " You 're here . You 're already halfway there . Don 't ever stop learning and don 't ever stop writing . You 'll get here . One day , maybe I 'll be in your line . " I never forgot that . It hasn 't always been smooth sailing by any means , but my first book was published almost exactly 5 years ago , and now A CHARMED LITTLE LIE is my 10th published book , and I 've just finished writing my 12th . Don 't give up on your dream . Also , remember that you write about life , and to do that you have to live . There are times ( deadline evil times ) that you have to stay in a cave and pound out words , but outside of that , find a balance and enjoy your life . It will show in your writing when you do … and when you don 't . If you write romance , kiss your husband every day . And if you are writing about hot sex and he is one of your readers , you 'd better be prepared to give up the goods . Saying you aren 't in the mood after penning being banged against a wall - doesn 't cut it honey . I wouldn 't be here without you , and I love and adore you so much for taking the time to buy my books and give my stories a try . And when you email or message me to tell me about it … oh my God you just don 't know the rainbows and unicorns that fill me up . Nothing is more important in this job than readers . When I make you happy … when I make you laugh or cry or feel something that you are moved enough to tell me about … my God , ice cream isn 't even as good as that . It 's close . But not quite . Lanie Barrett didn 't mean to lie . Spinning a story of a joyous marriage to make a dying woman happy is forgivable , isn 't it ? Lanie thinks so , especially since her beloved Aunt Ruby would have been heartbroken to know the truth of her niece 's sadly loveless , short - of - sparkling existence . Trouble is , according to the will , Ruby didn 't quite buy Lanie 's tale . And to inherit the only house Lanie ever really considered a home , she 'll have to bring her " husband " back to Charmed , Texas for three whole months - or watch Aunt Ruby 's cozy nest go to her weasel cousin , who will sell it to a condo developer . Nick McKane is out of work , out of luck , and the spitting image of the man Lanie described . He needs money for his daughter 's art school tuition , and Lanie needs a convenient spouse . It 's a match made . . . well , not quite in heaven , but for a temporary arrangement , it couldn 't be better . Except the longer Lanie and Nick spend as husband and wife , the more the connection between them begins to seem real . Maybe this modern fairy tale really could come true . . . " Don 't , Nick , " I said , hiccupping through my sobs , trying to make it stop . " Don 't play with that . Don 't make fun . " " You need this house , " he said , his words slow and precise . His dark eyes didn 't blink , didn 't look away uncomfortably , didn 't falter . " You may or may not need the money , I don 't know . I don 't see you getting all emotional about that , but you 're hugging the house , so I 'm guessing the money 's not an important factor . " " I 'm saying I just got in a car with a stranger for five hundred dollars , " he said . " That 's how far I 've fallen . Three months of my life - what would that be worth ? " Early on I didn 't think I was going to like Lanie . I kinda get the whole lying to her aunt thing to make a sick woman feel better but you start to understand that she made up stuff as a young girl too . That kind of bad character trait tends to be off - putting but Lovelace does an amazing job of making her likable . She 's sassy , funny , and a bit of a disaster , but she has a huge heart and means well ( most of the time 🙂 ) . The story is all from Lanie 's POV so we don 't get the inner - workings for Nick , but his actions speak pretty loudly . While it is a bit of a hit to his pride , once he decides to help her out he definitely gives Lanie 100 % . He does everything he can to sell their relationship but still respect that getting involved is not a good idea for either of them . He 's a stand up guy , doing this for his daughter , and he also has a healthy sense of fun . If I had to have a fake husband I would definitely be willing to share my inheritance with him ! Sharla Lovelace is the bestselling , award - winning author of sexy small - town love stories . Being a Texas girl through and through , she 's proud to say she lives in Southeast Texas with her retired husband , a tricked - out golf cart , and two crazy dogs . She is the author of five stand - alone novels including the bestselling Don 't Let Go , the exciting Heart Of The Storm series , and the fun and sexy new Charmed in Texas series . For years , Jack Sawyer 's family has been running their upscale seafood business like a finely tuned machine . But every machine breaks down eventually , and suddenly Jack needs a new office manager , a new kayak launch , and a new lease on life . Then Grace Donner shows up again . She 's smart , motivated , and perfect for the manager position , but if she 's anything like her mom , she can 't be trusted . And Jack has never been able to trust himself around Grace . Grace hasn 't seen her former stepbrothers since their parents ' messy divorce , but she never forgot them - especially Jack . She misses being part of the big rambunctious Sawyer clan , and if there 's an opportunity to set things right , she means to do it . But she can 't ignore Jack 's irresistibly kissable lips , or the searing way he looks at her when he thinks she 's not looking . Their chemistry is more explosive than ever . And if the Sawyers can forgive and forget , anything is possible . Jack reached for a folded blanket beside the cooler and laid it down on the open floor of the boat . " I know it 's not the most comfortable surface for lying back , but I thought we could look at the stars . It 's a favorite pastime of fishermen , you know . " He reached for her hand to help her lower to the floor . She held on to his tightly , surprised at how off balanced she felt . Then they lay back together , close enough that they touched . The soft hair on Jack 's arm resting against hers aroused her senses . Jack pointed up at the sky and started to speak . Grace was tired of talking , though . Tired of resisting what she wanted , and right now all she wanted was Jack . His hand slid down her back and settled on her bottom , pulling her snug against him . " I 'm not . I 'd decided tonight was for romance only , but I can 't think of anything more romantic than making love to you on this boat . " I loved , loved , loved Rains ' Hero 's Welcome series and I was very happy that many of the things that made those books great translated well to a new series . I enjoyed the relationship that develops between Jack and Grace . The whole former step - sibling thing isn 't icky at all and I think their friendship from years ago helps to give them a good basis for something new . The bond among the Sawyers is great and Grace befriends a couple of women that are definitely getting their own story soon . Characters and connections are a couple of things that Rains does so well - they feel real and work together in a natural way - and I was thrilled that they show so strongly here . We know that Chris and Jack were out on a boat fishing together and that he … disappeared , I guess ? Did they actually find a body ? As I understand it Jack doesn 't know when or how he went overboard , that he never heard him cry out or any kind of impact . Everything is so vague about what happened to Chris that I never really figured it out . I don 't know if it is intentional and will come into play more later on or if we 're just supposed to make assumptions . But I really wanted some kind of closure to it 🙂 The other is all tied up with Grace 's mom and how she treated the Sawyer 's all those years ago . Grace has had years living with her mom and can see that she 's not the woman she was then but the two families have been avoiding each other all this time . To expect that the guys will just forgive and forget in about two minutes isn 't realistic . They 've been nursing their wounds for a while and it is going to take them a bit to get over them , even if Jack is sleeping with Grace . I see her side of it but I also understand his and it 's not a good situation for either of them so a little patience on everyone 's part is needed . It adds some extra drama to what is already a pretty troublesome situation . Like with her other series , there are a lot of secondary characters that help drag you in and keep you turning pages . I 'm definitely looking forward to what comes next for Jack 's brothers . I 'm pretty sure those two are going to have some more hardship to deal with before they can find their own happy ending . Annie Rains is a USA Today bestselling author who writes small - town love stories set in fictional towns on the coast of North Carolina . Raised in one of America 's largest military communities , Annie often features heroes who fight for their countries , while also fighting for a place to call home and a good woman to love . When Annie isn 't writing , she 's spending time with her husband and three children , or reading a book by one of her favorite authors . FTC Disclaimer I have received ARCs of books free from BookTrib . com to review but the majority of the stories are either bought by me or provided for free from the publisher . The opinions I share are my own and in no way are influenced by an author or publisher . There is no promise of a positive review by any party and there is no additional compensation . Unless otherwise noted , I am not affliated with any contest or other event mentioned on this blog and I do not receive a paid endorsement for any posts . Blog at WordPress . com . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
Here is a picture of Tim 's sweater . It was knitted in secret and finished on 22nd - thanks to my knitting angels that answered questions and snuck over to help at all hours of the day and night . This was my first handspun / handknit effort , and believe you me , I learned a LOT . The fleece was Ford 's , our second ram ( that 's him on the left and no , it 's not snowing here ) . I spun a light and a dark single and then plied them together . I copied the design from one of Tim 's favorite sweaters . No tears involved and I 'm ready to spin and knit another one . . . . hmmm , with some cables I think : - ) . He 's okay , just resting . I spied them from the back porch and couldn 't resist snapping a picture . . . after I made sure that he was indeed just resting . His buddies aren 't always this kind . There has been some serious " paying back " going on , especially from Aria , the old bay mare , who 's suffered the wrath of this young punk for several years now . She knows this is her window of opportunity and has used the time wisely to move herself up in the " pecking order " and is finally bossing someone else around for a change . Perhaps her most amusing act is waiting until I 've let them out of their stalls in the morning and then marching right into T - Bone 's stall and peeing . Take that ! I can just see her holding it all night , just for this opportunity . The good news is that he 's making some progress with the bad foot and actually using it a little - a huge step forward , no pun intended . Perhaps a Christmas miracle ? Posted by We 're in the middle of all the last minute scrambling to get every last thing done , but I wanted to take a break to wish everyone a happy holiday . For anyone not familiar with the Christmas card collection , this is our 2007 design . I paint a new card each year and for the last four years they 've introduced or incriminated various characters on our farm . This year 's card was tough because of the issues with T - Bone 's foot . I wasn 't sure how I would handle the " worst case scenario " , but finally realized that whatever happened , he 'd always be with us in our hearts , just as are Sammy Super Dog , Punkin , Baby Beverly , Sophie and all our other much missed friends and family . Thankfully he 's still with us , fighting on bravely , and he 's glad to not be the " bad boy " on the card this year , a spot that can rightly only go to Boudreaux The Biter ; - ) . The inside greeting is our repeated wish of Peace and Joy . Happy Holidays ! I haven 't had time to do much of the silly sheep stuff I normally do at Christmastime , so here are a couple pictures from Christmases past . Popcorn PP Pants got to do an actual formal Christmas photo ( would credit the photographer , but no longer remember . . . ) and Henrietta participated in a humane society fundraiser at the local Tractor Supply Company . No one ever expects a sheep ! Posted by Stella and I took advantage of the beautiful spring weather today and put lights on the big tree in our front yard . I knew it was pretty tall , but now , putting it in perspective with the flag pole on the left ( that 's a Packers flag , not a disrespected American flag ) and front of the house on the right , I 'm really impressed . I like this tree so well that if it wasn 't going to rain tonight , I 'd drag a sleeping bag out there and camp under its happy glow . Sorry to be so few and far between . With everything going on with T - Bone and trying to fill Christmas orders , I 'm buried . Have no new or good news to report with T 's foot . I took him to the clinic the other day for follow up x - rays and we didn 't learn anything very helpful other than we 've done everything we can and from here on out , it 's going to be up to him . I feel very bad for him . No one likes to be sick over the holidays ( or any time ) . When I got back from the vet clinic , I thought the ground was still frozen enough that I could turn the truck and trailer around in the sheep field . The weather was warming up and I thought that if I didn 't get it done then , with the warm rain coming in , we wouldn 't get it done for at least a week and I didn 't want to chance being without the trailer if I needed it . So , I gave it a good try and . . . . there she sat . One thing you learn living with Jacob sheep , is never , ever , ever leave the keys in the vehicle / tractor / ATV . There probably aren 't any Cheviots out there that are clever enough to steal a truck , but you just can 't trust those wily Jacobs . Or Buddy and Boudreaux either , come to think of it . Actually , as a baby , Popcorn PP Pants was pretty fond of the ATV as well . Must be a " sheep " thing . I 'm surrounded by saints . Whether it 's Saint Tim for being such a good sport about everything , T - Bone for being such a brave patient , Judy for coming over and standing in the rain ( we were in the barn , but it rained so hard we were sure we weren 't ) for hours while we worked on T - Bone 's foot yesterday , to young Ewen McTeagle , who was recruited to join a walking nativity scene in a Christmas parade Saturday night . This turned out to be quite the walk , but most parades are . We had a good time though and I think we all slept well that night ; - ) . We 've had a rough couple of weeks at Equinox Farm . One of our favorite " ponies " is struggling with a foot problem and has us all pretty nervous . T - Bone is receiving good veterinary and farrier care though and Tim and I are doing the best we can to be good ICU nurses and we are all hoping for the best . A foot problem may not sound like much until you factor in the 12oo pounds relying on standing on it and what can snowball from there . So , here it is , almost a week after Thanksgiving and I 'm stressed about still not posting a Thanksgiving blog . For crying out loud , we all have so much to be thankful for and I 'm sooo grateful for so many things . How hard could it have been ? Then , I walked out the back door this morning and found this ice droplet hanging from the " beak " of our hummingbird feeder . In real life , it was about 3 / 16 of an inch wide and hanging from - get this ! - a single strand of a spider 's web . The beauty of sometimes " just hanging on " and making everyday " Thanksgiving " . And Fifi is working hard ( ly ) . I 'm not sure Fifi / Fiddle / Wiwi has appeared on the blog before . She 's our " indoor " cat . The queen of the universe . . . as most cats like to think / are . I guess the best way to describe her is she is a cat of many opinions . Her opinion right now is probably that it was about time I gave her a nice , warm place to sleep . She 's also good at sleeping on unspun yarn , but if you go to the trouble of making a nice permanent wooly cat bed , she immediately decides that she 's no longer interested . Of course . Yesterday my friend Charlotte and I made a trip to Glendale , Kentucky . I had a flock of sheep to deliver to True Kentucky and we decided to make a day of it . Glendale is a small town with a true " small town " feel just outside Elizabethtown , complete with a train running right through , lots of nice shops , antique stores and a fabulous place to eat lunch . There were actually several interesting restaurants and cafes , but we were inspired to try The Depot and were absolutely not disappointed . I had THE BEST vegetable plate ! I 'm a pretty good eater , but if I 'm still talking about something the next day , then you know it was outstanding ; - ) . This was my first trip to True Kentucky as well , and again we were absolutely not disappointed . Annette has a beautiful store and I am very proud to have some of my favorite sheep on her shelves . Here is a picture of the kids on her front porch . True Kentucky is located at 452 E Main Street on the " outskirts " of Glendale , and you can walk from there to all the shops and restaurants " downtown " . The drive from Lexington took about an hour and a half , but the good company and beautiful Kentucky scenery made the time just fly by . I can 't think of a nicer way to shop for the holidays . We spent some time over the weekend prepping the gardens for winter and I took some of the cut sunflower heads out to the bird feeder and Woodstock hosted a bird party ! Much like baking cupcakes for your child to take to school I 'd imagine . This guy was not invited , but we enjoyed spying on him from behind the barn . . . only because we don 't think he 's big enough to carry off one of the Adventure Chickens . . . we hope . This is a test post from the laptop , using the new wireless , but not quite highspeed system , so there may be some text / photo issues to fix . Posted by What better way to spend a day than by taking a couple of your favorite four legged friends to visit a couple of your favorite two legged friends . And what better day than Halloween ! Stella and I talked Ewen McTeagle and Miss Ewenice into dressing up for Tricks or Treats and we went a - callin ' on the Eleanors . Miss Ewenice looks more like a princess than a ballerina . How could you not give darling Ewen some candy ? Throw in a stop for yummy cider and fried apple pies at Evans Orchard on the way home and you just can 't beat a perfect fall day . Spent some quality time at the Harrison County Health Department this morning . I needed a tetanus shot and decided to see if it would be easier to run in there rather than drive all the way into Lexington to my regular doctor 's office . We have a brand new facility , which is actually quite nice , and all went well except they did not accept my insurance and I had to pay full price . . . until they found out it was a farm injury and then I got a break . Today 's shot was due to me gashing myself on the hand while trimming , of all sheep , Elizabeth 's feet over the weekend . While I was waiting for the big stick , I got to thinking about the last time I 'd had to get a tetanus shot . That day was a Sunday about 8 or so years ago and I 'd just been " bitten " by Punkin . He was pretty old at that point and I was giving him some medicine to help his arthritis . I would mix the powder into honey and he would take it off my finger . That day I didn 't keep my finger to the side of his mouth though and he accidentally bit down and broke the skin . Since it was technically an animal bite and it had been a long while since I 'd had a booster , I decided not to wait until Monday and went into an urgent treatment center in Lexington . Here 's where it gets funny . Now I 'm pretty sure you could walk into an urgent treatment center ( if we had one ) in rural Harrison County and say you 'd been bitten by a sheep and no one would even look up . If you go into the " big city " and say that , it becomes a police matter . Apparently any animal bite must be reported , and after being interviewed by several people , filling out and signing many forms and documents , and in general providing the best entertainment some of those doctors and nurses had probably seen in awhile , I was able to keep Punkin out of jail ( quarantine ) , but was not able to erase his police record . And so it goes . Punkin would have been 15 tomorrow . This picture was taken by my friend Mary Beth during the winter of 2003 . He was , indeed , the best sheep ever . I can no longer pick Woodstock from a big group of doves , but he did leave me with one special gift . For some reason , early on , he buddied up with a bunch of little sparrows . I could see that he did hang out with the doves as well , but he always made one last trip to the feeder , morning and evening , with the sparrows . Now that he 's all grown up and gets completely lost in the dove crowd , it 's a comfort to still be able to catch a glimpse of a giant size " sparrow " outside my window , especially on a dreary , rainy morning . We just got back from The New York State Sheep and Wool Festival , more commonly known as " Rhinebeck " . I took my camera . There were so many things I should have taken pictures of - sheep , llamas , rabbits , goats , people , hundreds of beautiful vendor booths , yarns , roving , bags upon bags of incredible raw wool , toys , tailgaters ( yes , I said tailgaters - mimosas and everything at 8 : 30 in the a . m . in the parking area ! ) , spinning wheels , looms , sweaters , blankets , rugs . . . I took no pictures . Not even of the incredible fall foliage we drove through on the way there . I have never seen anything like it . I could have had a terrible time at the festival and still been glad to have made the trip , just for the leaves . I did have a great time though , without a doubt . Everything you hear about Rhinebeck is not one bit exaggerated . We are already planning a trip back next year . For reference , we enjoyed The Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival several years ago ( everyone should go once ) , but have never had the urge to go back . Experience and education was our primary goal , but we also did a little shopping . I had my list ready for weeks - nothing too necessary , but lots of fun - a neat little Journey Loom , a beautiful Golding drop spindle , some books , cool t - shirt . . . Saint Tim had his thinking cap on though and picked this out . I had planned on shearing Miss Ewenice before we left ( long wool breeds are shorn twice a year ) , but ran out of time . How fortunate . This shearing stand is quite the handy tool , using a car jack to raise Miss Ewenice as high as I needed - in the picture it 's only half way . Things are definitely looking up around here . Pun intended . Posted by The first official photo of fall . I believe this might be as good as it 's going to get unfortunately . Most of the good color trees dropped their leaves early due to the drought . I took this from the back porch , looking out to the big pond , which does still have a little water left in it . The frog pond has been dry for months now . I used the 200 mm lens and think that 's why the depth of field is so shortened - that 's actually a good distance away . It was early and I 'd only had one cup of coffee and the camera is still outsmarting me . That would be T - Bone saying " Good morning " . Posted by Yesterday , after the last ( we hope ) 91 degree day , I woke up to light drizzle and cooler temperatures . While I was happy for the fall weather , I was sad that there would really be no more pool days - in October , no less ! I did my morning chores and thought some more about it and finally decided I would go for one last swim before the water cooled off any more . I jumped in ( quickly to shorten the cold shock ) and started swooshing back and forth under water from one side of the pool to the other like a river otter - my favorite " 12 year old " game : - ) . After a little while I stopped to catch my breath and had an eerie feeling I was being watched . Looking around I found 13 Jacob sheep staring down at me from the field next to the orchard . I have no idea how long they had been standing there watching me and I 'm pretty sure I don 't want to know what they were thinking . I am definitely lacking in their eyes . Anyone who thinks sheep are dumb animals has obviously not spent much time around any Jacob sheep . Elizabeth , one of our older ewes , is scary smart . . . and feels free to announce my stupidity on a regular basis . She monitors how much feed I put out for everyone and lets me know if I 've shorted them any . I 've tried to trick her by putting out the same number , but smaller piles of hay and she 's always right on top of it . Her stare can bore holes through you and she never loses eye contact until she 's made her point . Most sheep will look at you , even at your face , but a sheep that makes actual eye contact is different . Hard to explain , but everyone who 's met her can tell the difference . We had a great time ( other than the awful heat ) at The Kentucky Wool Festival this past weekend . Things worked out so that I got to visit a little with almost everyone I had hoped to see again this year and even made some fun new friends . I know my little sheep all went to good homes , even the one that came back to visit me in a grocery sack after their cat got ahold of him ; - ) . As a special treat ( and necessary chore ) for having survived the long weekend , I decided to visit my beehive and see if everyone was getting ready for winter . I 'm still learning , so if I 've labeled these pictures incorrectly or am missing something obvious to a more knowlegable beekeeper , I 'm hoping someone will jump in and set me straight . Luckily my bees are very tolerant , as once again I could not get that stupid bee smoker going - if you look up slow learner in the dictionary , you 'll probably find a picture of me . Thankfully not covered in bee stings . Here are some hard working bees bringing in some bright orange pollen ( their food source ) they 've gathered from the asters and goldenrods that are blooming right now . Here is a look at one of the frames from the top hive body . See the honey stored on the top half ? The golden arch in the lower half is brood ( developing bees - eggs , larvae and pupae ) . And this looks to me like some baby bees emerging from their cells ( click the picture to view a larger image ) . Almost as cute as little lambs . I was going to title this entry with one of my favorite quotes and take a picture of the view from there , but I 've already dropped one cell phone in the pool , so I sure don 't need to have my camera out there . So , you 'll just have to imagine the bright blue sky , white puffy clouds , a glimpse of a pine tree or some amazingly still green leaves from the toughest , hardest working little peach tree in Kentucky , bees buzzing and even some buzzards circling so high in the sky that it 's nicer to imagine they were playing on the air currents rather than searching for a snack ( Look alive ! ) . While there is nothing I can do to counter the record breaking temperatures we 've had for three days in a row , I can now happily embrace it by grabbing a favorite book ( A Country Year by Sue Hubbell ) and heading to the pool . I really have too much I need to be getting done before the Kentucky Wool Festival next month , but one last day in the 90 's at the end of September was too good to pass up . " Spend the afternoon . You can 't take it with you . " Annie Dillard We have been here four years . Equinox Farm - the closing on the fall equinox , 2003 . This morning I pulled up ( funny - we used to pull " out " ) some pictures we 'd taken that fall and we considered all the work we 've done . Some things are best not remembered too well . I wish I could say that it seemed like just yesterday , but it doesn 't . Maybe that comes with time . Maybe that 's just something people say . I remember a time when it didn 't feel quite like home , but now I can 't imagine living anywhere else . I hope the farm feels the same about us . This is a view from what is now the far end of our sheep field . I had wanted to post a before and after picture , but without any rain for so long , the after picture is far too sad , and really , this is a happy day . Posted by We have had a bunch of Praying Mantis visitors this summer . Maybe it 's just been a good year for them , but we like to think it 's because we have created an attractive and safe environment for them . I found one on our hummingbird feeder yesterday , and last night , and this morning , and still there this afternoon . My first thought was that he was just chuggin ' some syrup , but when he was still there this morning I got to wondering . I read somewhere that a Praying Mantis can take down a hummingbird ( ! ) . That would have to be a mighty big Praying Mantis wouldn 't it ? This medium size fella was probably just picking off the bugs trying to get to the syrup , but what if . . . " If I could just catch me one hummingbird . . . " Many of my furried , finned and feathered friends are old . When the end comes , it 's really no surprise , but that doesn 't make it any easier . A couple of months ago one of my Cory Catfish passed . I had two small catfish living with my beloved Betta , " Campfire " - a huge brown and orange , heavily finned , beautiful fish . When I put their food in that morning , no one came up to greet me . Well , the Cories aren 't super friendly , but Campfire , like most animals on this farm , was a good eater and never turned down a meal . Upon closer inspection , I found him and the remaining Cory sitting with their dead friend . Now this isn 't the first time I 'd seen what appeared to be friendship among my fish . I used to leave the fish in the tank when I cleaned it and once unknowingly flipped a rock over and caught one of the catfish underneath . As I was putting away the cleaning supplies , I noticed a commotion in the tank and saw the other catfish trying to push the rock off his friend . I 'm not kidding . There was nothing to question . However , in this case , even as I wanted to say these two fish were either trying to protect , comfort or mourning the loss of their friend , I had to consider that it might be just a coincidence . This morning , Campfire did not come up to eat . He 's very old and I knew we were on borrowed time . He was still alive , but failing . I considered a humane euthanasia ( yes , this is sometimes the kindest thing and there are ways to do it - no fish should ever suffer ) , but he seemed " okay " . I left to run some errands and when I got home , he was gone . Now , not so amazingly , his friend , the remaining Cory was right by his side . Once is a coincidence . Twice is real . I can only think he was providing some sort of comfort for his friend and while I never really questioned it before , will never , ever believe fish don 't have feelings . And while I feel a bit creepy posting this sad picture , I wanted " proof " for anyone who might doubt my story . Fall is here . For the last 30 some years of my life , you 'd have seen that written as FALL IS HERE ! ! ! This summer , as the 100 degree temps loomed last month , Saint Tim installed a summer saver - the little blue pool . I have been a miserable person for almost five months of every year . I can 't help it . No matter how hard I try , I have never been able to handle hot weather . It ruled where I could or could not live , when or even if I would visit good friends living in hot climates , jobs , relationships , hobbies , sports . . . everything . Now I have a pool . Any time I want I can jump in , go under water , swim around weightless , drown out the heat and humidity , sit on a floaty , read a magazine ( or camera manual ) and splash in the cool water . I have watched and listened to birds I never normally see or hear , observed bees of all sorts up close , even been able to sleep at night , peaceful and relaxed . Maybe the best treat though was the grapes . We 've been here almost four years and I have never eaten any of these grapes . By the time they come on in late August , there are no recreational trips to the orchard . My loss - they are wonderful . Especially out by the pool . How decadent - sitting on a floaty in a swimming pool eating grapes . So now , fall is here . Lower case and period . It 's been cool enough for the last two days that the pool ( which doesn 't get any morning sun ) is chilly . It 's just going to get cooler this weekend . And for the first time in my life , I 'm sad summer is gone . After it became clear that we were not going to have much luck getting the power company to help hang our painted barn quilt square ( remember from a couple of months ago ? ) , we started looking for other options . After not getting too far along those routes , we started thinking about hanging it ourselves . The story that might have been - think ropes and chains and pulleys , hooking the 300 + pound quilt square to the tractor and Tim up on a 40 ' extension ladder with power tools . Probably would have been a classic . . . or at least a good Vonage commercial ( cue woohoohoo music ) . Thankfully Clifford Tree Service came to the rescue . Don 't get me wrong , even with the proper truck and equipment it was still a big job . Fitting it between the roof and the dusk - to - dawn light was a game of mere inches . Ben Clifford did an outstanding job and even went to the trouble of touching up the paint so that the lag screws didn 't show . I can 't thank him or recommend him enough . Interestingly , within about 15 minutes of the truck pulling out , a hummingbird flew in to have a look . I was on the phone with Tim and his first thought was that the bright colors brought him in ( this is most likely the correct answer ) . My first thought was that the hummingbird was probably angry ( or worse , seriously disappointed ) that there wasn 't a hummingbird included in the design . Hmmm , maybe I should get that ladder out . . . Posted by Although traditionally pools close after Labor Day , our pool will stay open . It 's still very warm and we are enjoying the luxury of floating around in the cool water . We are also supplying water to hoards of bees . Most are our honey bees ( at least we are assuming they are ours ) , but we are also being visited by at least two other varieties of bees that look similar to honey bees ( we are assuming they are wild honey bees ) , several smaller bees , a large black bee and some wasps . Our hive is situated between two ponds , albeit the little pond is dry , but maybe the water from the larger , but drought stressed pond is such that they prefer the chlorinated pool water . I suppose it could possibly be a salt issue , but I 'm going to leave the chemistry to the pros . The problem with bees drinking from the pool is not fear of them stinging us or being weirded out by the incredible noise as over 100 swarm around at peak times , but that some hit the water and can 't get back out . My afternoons are spent tossing them life preservers ( my fingers ) and holding them as they dry off and are able to fly away to the nearby pine trees to regroup . While I have not been able to save them all , I probably handle 40 - 50 per day . I 've only been stung once , and as usual , that was my fault . Some bees fly off as soon as you lift them out of the pool . Some are very particular and go over every speck of their body to remove every trace of water before they take off . Now I 'll be the first to admit to not enjoying a shower from a dog climbing out of a pond or bath , but a bee shower is a different story . You 'd be surprised how much water they 'll throw from their wings and you can actually feel the air move as they prepare for flight . While I 'm not saying everyone should be running around picking up bees , but if you do see one in a bad spot , I hope you will do what you can to help . They are having enough trouble these days and without their crop pollination , we are all in big trouble . You never know , they might reward you with a magical bee shower . Posted bthecrazysheeplady I 've been working through several books trying to learn about my new camera . One book interviews a well known photographer and asks what they enjoy most about photography . He or she replied " so I can see what I normally could not see . " And it 's true ! I see hundreds of these tiny , dew covered webs all over my fields every summer morning and have never gotten past the " little red dot " of a spider . Here is one web , all 2 1 / 4 inches of it : A closer look at the artist : Even better , we got a tiny amount of rain the other evening and I grabbed my camera and headed out . I thought I was taking pictures of the droplets of water on a pine branch , but what I actually captured was this tiny , tiny spider , revealed to me only after I had come in and downloaded it to my computer . Revealed to you only if you follow the link to a bigger view . What magic ! I could take hundreds of pictures of my friendly spiders inside and out . I 've never questioned my fascination with them . How could you ever really look at a spider 's web and not be completely fascinated . While I don 't really want them actually crawling across my hand , I 'm more than willing to live and let live and watch from afar ( or up close with a 200mm lens ; - ) . Sometimes you just have to pay attention to see where you fit in the world . As a collector of intricately woven bird nests and an avid spider watcher and protector , it came as no surprise that I felt right at home when I took my first weaving lesson and learned about the real Spider Woman . But , more about her in another post . Posted by I always find cool writing spiders in my garden . They don 't bother me at all and I feel just horrible if I don 't notice them as I 'm sticking my hand in to grab a tomato and destroy their entire night 's work . Tim 's brother can catch flies with his bare hands ( no foolin ' ) . Last summer when they were visiting , we captured some great video of him tossing flies into one of our spider 's webs . While I admit it did sort of have a feeling of playground cruelty , it was truly facinating to watch the spider work . Maybe this is one of her children . There 's been plenty to post , but I just haven 't gotten it done . Sigh . For a little ( more ) catch up , I am thoroughly enjoying my new camera , a Nikon D40x . I missed so many good shots of various birds , and especially Woodstock , with the little camera , that I decided it was time to move up . I got this shot of Woodstock from inside the house , through a glass door . This shot of Ewenice and the boys I took from WAY up at the barn as the sun was going down . Note to Ewen - I have a big zoom , so I can watch you from afar . Actually , as time goes on , Ewen has become not the worst behaved sheep we have - now that 's a designation for you . When something 's going down , you can bet Boudreaux ( the brown sheep between Ewenice and Buddy ) is leading the pack . And this little flower came up under the bird feeder . Maybe Woodstock planted it just for us : - ) . I 'm in the middle of several cool projects , but in the meantime : I made this . This is a big accomplishment - I am not a good knitter . I am so not a good knitter that after starting this several times and being completely frustrated , I decided to weave it , which I did . It was very pretty . However , I felt really guilty because I didn 't stick with the original project , so I unwove it , got some bamboo needles and . . . Whew ! Tim and I installed this ( notice how hazy the picture looks - that 's from the unbelievable heat and humidity - fogged up my camera ) . And Woodstock is doing just fine out in the big world . I usually spot him at least once a day at the feeder and it makes my day . Go Woodstock ! After a night resting from his first venture into the big world , Woodstock was up and ready to go . I spent a good part of the day working in the room nearest the feeder so I could monitor the activity out there . Since he 'd seemed thirsty the day before , I moved his old water bowl out where he could find it , and he came around several times . Once I was able to catch a picture of him hanging with some of his buds . I was nervous when I didn 't see him in the evening , but hoped that maybe he was so smart that he 'd realized that if he came around at that time again , he might get caught and have to spend another night looking geeky in his cage . Bright and early this morning I thought I saw a familiar face poking around under the grape arbor . He 's still darker than the other doves , but it was hard to say for sure since he was in the shade . Then , he ventured over to the water bowl and got a drink . He 'd made it ! " Oh , the places you 'll go ! " ( A little good Dr . Seuss karma ) . Go well , little Woodstock . I 'll keep the water bowl out as long as you need it and the feeder will always be full . We have a small ( ish ) hand spinner 's mixed flock of Jacob sheep , Border Cheviots , Border Leicesters , Cotswolds , and various fine , medium and longwool colorful crossbreds . Buddy , Woolliam , Rebecca Boone , Boudreaux the Biter , Sweet Petunia , Ewen McTeagle , Keebler , Graham Lamb , B . Willard , Count Chocula , Daniel Not - Boone , Hershey , Spud , Murphy , Woody , Blossom , Crazy Maisie , Baaxter Black , Burrnie and the inspirational Renny to name a few . Hank , a Pyrenees / Maremma cross , is in charge of farm security with Junior Deputies Miss Tilly aka Weaslie , a Corgi , and Comby , a tough orange cat with a heart of gold . Kate , a Border Collie , handles the rush hour traffic . Iris , our first Border Collie , spent her whole life trying to keep all of us in line , but that was a hard job . Her Corgi sidekick was always underfoot and the Adventure Chickens NEVER did what she wanted . You 've seen this lamb before . There 's just a hint of a clue left to jog your memory . Look at her right ear ; - ) . There ' . . . Or a clover for a crazy sheep : - D . Maisie showed up the other evening with a clover stuck to her back . It was still there when Biscuit . . . All content including pictures is property of Punkin 's Patch . Please do not use without written permission . Punkin 's Patch © 2001 - 2016 . All rights reserved . |
EXPLANATORY NOTE . - I have no apology to make for the indignation and resentment that fill the remaining pages of this record . The time has come , I believe , when the nation 's returning sense of justice has outgrown the blind passions engendered by war sufficiently to admit that the circumstances narrated fully justified the feelings they awakened . These events mark the beginning of that deplorable succession of blunders and outrages that has bequeathed us the most terrible legacy of the war - the race problem ; a problem which , unless the common sense of the nation shall awaken , and that right early , to the simple fact that a horse and an ox , or an elephant and an antelope , cannot pull together in the same harness , will settle itself before another generation has passed in a tragedy compared with which the tragedy of the Civil War was child 's play . July - , . . . . - The Toombs girls invited us to meet Mr . Van Houten , a blind musician from Eufaula , this afternoon . He played beautifully , but wanted you to be always going into raptures over him . He is so sensitive , that he can 't bear to be reminded of his blindness in any way , and I couldn 't help admiring one very tactful thing Jenny did to spare him . Page 337 He is accustomed to have people shake hands with him when they are introduced , as that is the only form of greeting he can perceive , and when Jenny introduced Mary Lane , he put out his hand as usual , for her to take . Mary wasn 't noticing , and failed to respond , so Jenny quietly slipped her own hand into his , and he never knew the difference . I wonder , though , he didn 't detect the subterfuge , for the touch of blind people is very sensitive , and Jenny 's hand is so exquisitely soft and delicate that there are not many others in the world like it . I tried to imitate Jenny 's considerateness by talking about subjects where blind people can feel at home , and when the rest of the company rushed to the windows to see the negroes pass on their way to hear the New England apostle , Dr . French , give his lecture , I tried to keep him from feeling that he was losing anything , by pretending that I would much rather stay inside and listen to the music . But all the time I was craning my neck , to see what was going on . The negroes looked very funny in their holiday attire , going to hear " the Frenchman , " as they call this missionary from the Freedman 's Bureau , expound to them the gospel according to Phillips , Garrison & Co . The meeting was held in Mr . Barnett 's grove , much against his will , it is said , but he didn 't think it wise to refuse , and the negroes flocked there by thousands . I could hardly have believed there were so many in the county . The Yankees tried to get father 's grove for their precious conventicle , but to my Page 338 delight he refused , on the ground that he didn 't want his grass trampled on , . . . [ MS . mutilated ; two pages missing . ] . . . We have great fears of a negro garrison being sent here , and then , Heaven have mercy on us ! The white Yankees are getting so rude that ladies are afraid to walk on the streets alone . Corinne Lawton and Mrs . Matilda Dunwody have both been insolently ordered off the sidewalk by Yankee soldiers , to make way for their negro companions , and it is said some of them have expressed a determination to insult every Southern woman they meet . The only thing they allege against us is that we are such d - d rebels we take no more notice of them than if they were dogs , and will not even look toward them when they pass - as if we hadn 't the right to turn away from sights that hurt our eyes ! July 21 , Friday . - Garnett returned at two o ' clock this morning from Abbeville , bringing a wounded soldier in the carriage with him , and parting messages from our friends . Father sent them as far as Abbeville in his carriage , and from there they expect to make their way somehow back to their homes . We had no callers till late in the afternoon , which was a great relief , for I feel used up , and the weather is too hot for anything but to sit undressed in my own room . I go in d � shabille most of the time , now that the house is free of guests , keeping a dress and coiffure ready to fling on at a moment 's notice , when visitors are seen Page 339 coming up the avenue . I think it is dreadfully vulgar to go dowdy about the house , but what is one to do when one has hardly clothes enough to be respectable when one goes out , and no money to buy any more ? And we have to do so much hard work , too , now , that our clothes would not last a month if we were to wear them around all the time , when there is no one here . It is too hot to wear clothes , anyway . I sometimes wish that old Mother Eve had not set the fashion for fig leaves . An opportune thunder storm , the only one we have had since Monday , came up just in time to cool the air for us and catch Dr . French in the midst of his daily ceremonies with the negroes . I was sorry for the poor darkeys to get their Sunday clothes spoilt , but I hope " the Frenchman " will catch a cough that will stop that pestiferous windpipe of his and follow him to - his last resting place , wherever that may be . These hypocritical Puritans love to nurse and coddle themselves and enjoy the fat of the land , but they will find no worshiping Mrs . Wellers here to feed their " shepherd " on pineapple rum and toast . The negro sisters adore him , but they are too poor to feast him , except on what they can pilfer , and Southern cupboards are , as a rule , too empty just now to furnish fat pickings . The poor dupes say they believe he is Jesus Christ - " anyhow , he has done more for them than Jesus Christ ever did . " They don 't know what horrid blasphemy they are talking , and so are not to be held responsible . My feeling for them is one of unmixed Page 340 pity . Take it all in all , they have behaved remarkably well , considering the circumstances . The apostles of freedom are doing their best to make them insolent and discontented , and after awhile , I suppose , they will succeed in making them thoroughly unmanageable , but come what will , I don 't think I can ever cherish any very hard feelings towards the poor , ignorant blacks . They are like grown up children turned adrift in the world . The negro is something like the Irishman in his blundering good nature , his impulsiveness and improvidence , and he is like a child in having always had some one to think and act for him . Poor creatures , I shudder to think of what they must suffer in the future , and of what they are going to make this whole country suffer before we are done with them . The streets of Washington are crowded all the time with idle men and women who have no means of support . They are loitering in the shade of every hedge and tree , and gossiping in every cabin doorway . Where they lodge , Heaven only knows , but how they are fed , the state of our orchards and cornfields can testify . Capt . Cooley hung up two by the thumbs the other day , for robbing father 's orchard , but the discipline was of no avail , for we have not gathered a full - grown peach or pear this season . Roasting - ears are pleasant food , and to be had for the - taking ; our early corn gave out before we had used it a week . Ben Jones shot a negro the other night , for stealing in Mr . Waddey 's garden , and it is a miracle that he escaped being Page 341 put in jail . Fortunately the negro wasn 't hurt . Negroes may kill white men whenever they please , provided the white man wears not a blue coat , but woe to the white man that touches a negro ! . . . That murder case into which Gen . Wild and Dr . French have been prying for the last week has wrought these apostles up to a state of boundless indignation , and father is afraid it will bring their vengeance upon the town . He is counsel for the defense , and I don 't think he feels any too much respect for his clients , though it is his duty , as their lawyer , to make out the best case he can for them . He don 't say much about the case because conversation on such subjects nearly always brings on a political row in the family , and we are all so afraid of starting a fracas that we are constrained and uneasy whenever anything touching on politics , no matter how remotely , is mentioned . However , from the little I have heard father tell , I am afraid this murder is a very ugly affair . It seems his clients are accused of having killed an old negro woman because she left her master 's plantation to go off and try the blessings of freedom . She certainly was an old fool but I have never yet heard that folly was a capital offense . One of the men is said to have shot her , while the other broke her ribs and beat her on the head with a stone till she died . They left her unburied in a lonely place , and the body was not discovered till ten days after . In spite of the stench , father says Gen . Wild examined the body with ghoulish curiosity , Page 342 even pulling out the broken ribs and staring at them . And all the while the old woman 's son stood looking on with stolid indifference , less moved than I would be over the carcass of a dead animal . Gen . Wild was bred a doctor and didn 't seem to mind the most sickening details . Father says he would rather have the sharpest lawyer in Georgia as his opposing counsel than these shrewd , painstaking Yankees . Capt . Cooley was sent out to collect evidence , and even brought back the stone which was said to be the one with which the poor old creature was beaten on the head . There is only negro evidence for all these horrors , and nobody can tell how much of it is false , but that makes no difference with a Yankee court . Father thinks one of the men is sure to hang , and he has very little hope of saving the other . The latter is a man of family , and his poor wife is at Mrs . Fitzpatrick 's hotel , almost starving herself to death from grief . She has left her little children at home by themselves , and they say that when the Yankees went there to arrest their father , they were so frightened that two of them went into convulsions ; they had heard such dreadful things about what the Yankees had done during the war . The younger of the two accused men is only twenty years old , and his poor old father hangs around the courtroom , putting his head in every time the door is opened , trying to catch something of what is going on . He is less privileged than our dog Toby , who follows father to the courthouse every day , and walks about Page 343 the room as if it belonged to him , smelling at the Yankees , and pricking up his ears as if to ask what business they had there . Father says he would not , for millions , have had such a case as this come under the eyes of the Yankees just at this time , for they will believe everything the negroes say and put the very worst construction on it . Brutal crimes happen in all countries now and then , especially in times of disorder and upheaval such as the South is undergoing , but the North , fed on Mrs . Stowe 's lurid pictures , likes to believe that such things are habitual among us , and this horrible occurrence will confirm them in their opinion . Another unfortunate affair took place the other night , in Lincoln County . The negroes were holding a secret meeting , which was suspected of boding no good to the whites , so a party of young men went out to break it up . One of the boys , to frighten them , shot off his gun and accidentally killed a woman . He didn 't mean to hurt anybody , but the Yankees vow they will hang the whole batch if they can find them . Fortunately he has made his escape , and they don 't know the names of the others . Corrie Calhoun says that where she lives , about thirty miles from here , over in Carolina , the men have a recipe for putting troublesome negroes out of the way that the Yankees can 't get the key to . No two go out together , no one lets another know what he is going to do , and so , when mischievous negroes are found dead in the woods , nobody knows who killed them . All this is horrible , I Page 344 think . If they want to bushwhack anybody , why don 't they shoot Yankees ? The poor negroes don 't do us any harm except when they are put up to it . Even when they murdered that white man and quartered him , I believe pernicious teachings were responsible . Such things happen only in places where the negroes have been corrupted by the teachings of such wretches as this French and Wild . I shall never feel anything but friendship towards father 's " freedmen , " though most of the males have left us . I do not blame them for trying to make something for themselves . They will have no " ole marster " now to look out for them when they are sick and old , so they must learn to take care of themselves . They have lost the advantages of slaves , they must gain those of freemen . It is the Yankees , the accursed Yankees , who have done all the mischief and tried to set them against us . There has been more insolence and crime among them since that rascal French came here with his pernicious teachings , than in all the 200 years since they were brought into the country . His escort of negro troops flirt around with the negro women - a ridiculous travesty of what used to take place among ourselves when Washington was filled with Confederate officers and their brave men . Our Cinthy has two admirers among them who call on her every night , and she generally makes her appearance to wait on the tea - table with her face whitened with flour - contributions being levied on our biscuit allowance Page 345 for the purpose of beautifying her complexion . My bedroom windows overlook the back yard , and when Emily 's house is open , as it always is in summer , every word spoken there is distinctly audible in my room . It is as good as an evening at the Negro Minstrels . I am often regaled with scraps of conversation and pert witticisms that are such absurd parodies upon what takes place in our own drawing - room that they seem almost like a deliberate attempt to burlesque Metta and me . After all , there is a great deal that is farcical mixed up with all this tragedy we are living through . Dr . French has begun his reforms by giving out that he will remarry all negro couples who have not been lawfully married already by a Christian minister . He worded his notice in the most sensational style , like the news columns in the New York " Herald , " and ordered the white ministers of Washington to read it out from their pulpits . Mr . Tupper refused , but the other two complied . No private property could be obtained for the accommodation of the apostle and his followers - not that anybody objected to the harmless farce of remarrying the negroes , but nobody wanted their grounds polluted by the spoutings of such a creature . His very presence in a town where his first footfall would once have been his death warrant , is a sufficient disgrace . After fruitless efforts to secure father 's , Cousin Will Pope 's , and Mr . Barnett 's groves , he had to take the negro cemetery for the scene of his performances . Accordingly , Page 346 about 3 o ' clock in the afternoon , the candidates for double matrimonial honors went trooping out to their cemetery on the Tan Yard Branch to be married over again . If there is anything in omens , never were nuptials more inauspicious . The ceremonies were interrupted by a thunder storm that drenched the composite bridal party and all the spectators - the " shepherd " taking care to shelter himself under a big umbrella that one of his worshipers held over him . Mammy , who tells me all the negro news , says that thirty - three couples were married . Among them was our Charity , who six years ago was lawfully married in the Methodist church here , to Mr . Waddy 's Peter . I remember how father joked Peter , when he came to ask for Charity , about having him for a " nigger - in - law , " but now , Charity has taken to herself Hamp , one of father 's plantation hands - a big , thick - lipped fellow , not half as respectable looking as Peter - but there is no accounting for taste . Several other marriages of the same " double " kind took place , which would bring the saintly doctor under the laws against bigamy , if anybody cared enough about the matter to prosecute him . I was amused at Charity when she came home in the evening . She went about her work as usual , but when I stepped into the back porch to get some water , she stopped in the midst of it to tell me that she now had two names , like white folks . " Oh , " said I , laughing , " what is your new name ? " Page 347 " And how did Hamp get all that name ? " I asked . " His grandfather used to belong to a Mr . Tatom , " she answered , " so he took his name for his entitles . Dr . French tole us we mus ' all have surnames now , an ' call our childern by ' em , an ' drop nicknames . " I notice that the negroes seldom or never take the names of their present owners in adopting their " entitles , " as they call their surnames , but always that of some former master , and they go as far back as possible . It was the name of the actual owner that distinguished them in slavery , and I suppose they wish to throw off that badge of servitude . Then , too , they have their notions of family pride . All these changes are very sad to me , in spite of their comic side . There will soon be no more old mammies and daddies , no more old uncles and aunties . Instead of " maum Judy " and " uncle Jacob , " we shall have our " Mrs . Ampey Tatoms , " and our " Mr . Lewis Williamses . " The sweet ties that bound our old family servants to us will be broken and replaced with envy and ill - will . I am determined it shall not be so with ours , unless they do something to forfeit my respect . Father befriends his men in every possible way . When they fail to get work elsewhere , he tells them they can always come to him and he will give them food and Page 348 shelter till they can do better . He tries to find situations for them , and they in return seem as fond of us all as ever . Father 's negroes always were devoted to him , and well they might be , for he was a good , kind master to them . Emily 's brother , Arch , comes to see us often , and takes Emily 's children in hand and gives any of them a switching that need it . He is hired to Dr . Hardesty , but says that if " Marse Fred " can afford to keep him , he will stay with him when he comes back to Georgia . This state of things is about the best we can expect under the new r � gime , but there is no telling how long the Yankees will let well enough alone . The servants who are still with us are lazy , but not insolent , though the teachings of French and Wild will no doubt soon make them so . Mammy says that Dr . French told them in one of his speeches that some of them would be called upon to rule over the land hereafter - a pretty strong hint at negro suffrage . Capt . Cooley is reported as saying : " Damn French ! I had trouble enough with the negroes before he came , and now they are as mad as he is . " Bravo ! little Yank ; I really begin to respect you . July 24 , Monday . - We had a dancing party at Dr . Robertson 's in the evening . Most of the young men go to parties fully armed . The parlor mantelpiece at the bank was covered with pistols brought there by our escorts , and one of our amusements , between dances , was to examine them and learn to cock them . Some of them were very pretty , with silver and ivory mountings . Page 349 Garnett made us go and return by back streets in order to avoid , as much as possible , meeting with negroes and Yankees . A man of honor can hardly be expected not to shoot on the spot any wretch who should dare to insult a lady under his charge , and the consequences of reckless firing have been made so apparent that prudent people think it best to avoid difficulties by keeping out of their way as much as we can . The negroes are frequently out very late at night , attending the meetings of a society they have formed , called the " Sons of Benevolence , " for the protection of female virtue ( ! ) and Heaven - or rather the other place - only knows what else . But every housekeeper knows that the gardens and henroosts in the neighborhood suffer on the nights when they hold their meetings . Only two of their acts have become known to me , and these are not very creditable to the morals of a religious society conducted by religious people . They arraigned Mrs . Gabe Toombs 's Chloe for " keeping company with a Yankee , " but when she declared that she " hadn 't never kep ' company with nobody but Joe Barnett " ( who has another wife , if not two or three of them ) they let her off . They also reported Mrs . Margaret Jones to the commandant , as suffering a sick man ( in her employ ) to lie dying of neglect , and subjected her to the annoyance of a visit from one of the army surgeons , while to my certain knowledge she has had a physician to see him every day , and nurses him as faithfully as if he Page 350 were her own servant . Dr . French has attended some of their meetings , and if any mischief is afoot , no doubt he is at the bottom of it . July 25 , Tuesday . - The Dunwodys had a conversation party in the evening , and I enjoyed it only tolerably . There were not gentlemen enough to go round , and that is always awkward . Capt . Semmes was not there , either , but Anderson Reese , who is almost as nice , supplied his place . As Jenny wasn 't there , he took me as second best , and we spent half the evening t � te - � - t � te . He is delightful , in spite of being in love with another girl , and still wears a gray coat with brass buttons . I felt as if carried back to the old Confederate days whenever I looked at him . I came home at 1 o ' clock , dissatisfied with myself , as I always am after a conversazione , because I say so many foolish things when I talk too much . I couldn 't sleep , either , after going to bed , because Mett went off to her own room next to father 's and left me alone in the end room , with that awful garret door between me and everybody else in the house . I am like the little boy that said he wasn 't afraid to go through the graveyard alone at night , he was just ashamed . I don 't believe in ghosts , but they make me just as nervous as if I did - and that big garret is such a horrible , gloomy place . July 27 , Thursday . - Seabrook Hull and Brewer Pope called at 5 o ' clock this afternoon , which put me out of temper because I am never up so early this hot Page 351 weather . Took tea at the Lawtons , where we had a delightful evening . I am always so frightened and uneasy in the streets after dark that it greatly detracts from the pleasure of going out . We can generally avoid the Yankees by taking the back streets , but the negroes swarm in every by - way and rarely condescend to give up the sidewalk , so we have to submit to the indignity of being crowded off by them . There was a time when such conduct would have been rewarded with a thrashing - or rather , when such conduct was unheard of , for the negroes generally had good manners till the Yankees corrupted them by their " evil communications . " It is sad to think how things are changing . In another generation or two , this beautiful country of ours will have lost its distinctive civilization and become no better than a nation of Yankee shopkeepers . 28 , Friday . - One continued stream of notes and messengers and visitors all day long . I hardly had time to eat my breakfast . I spent most of the morning nursing John Moore 's family , who are all sick with the measles . We had a dance at Mrs . Margaret Jones 's in the evening , and I don 't think I ever enjoyed anything more in my life . I nearly danced my feet off , in spite of the hot weather . Between dances , I enjoyed a long t � te - � - t � te with my old Montgomery friend , Dr . Calhoun , who looks so much like Henry . He is a Cousin of Corrie and Gene , who are visiting the Robertsons . Page 352 Gen . Wild has left off his murder cases for the present , and turned his attention to more lucrative business - that everlasting bank robbery . Some ten thousand dollars have been recovered from negroes in whose hands it was found , and about a dozen of the most respectable citizens of the county are imprisoned in the courthouse under accusation of being implicated . Among them is the wife of our old camp - meeting friend , Mr . Nish ( Dionysius ) Chenault , who entertained Mrs . Davis and her party at his house out on the Danburg road as she was on her way here from Abbeville . She ( Mrs . Chenault ) has a little young baby with her , and they have imprisoned Mr . Chenault 's sister , too , and Sallie , his oldest daughter . * The people of Washington wanted to entertain the ladies in their homes and give bail for their appearance to stand trial , but that bloodhound , Wild , would not permit them to leave the courthouse . He tied up Mr . Chenault by the thumbs and kept him hanging for an hour , trying to extort from him treasure that he did * The accusation against them was that they had shared in the plunder of a box of jewels that the women of the South had contributed for building a Confederate gunboat , and their own personal ornaments were " confiscated " under this pretext . The box of jewels was among the assets of the Confederate treasury that had been plundered near the village . The fate of these ornaments , contributed with such loyal devotion , will probably never be known . not possess . He is a large , fat man , weighing nearly three hundred pounds , so the torture must have been excruciating . His son and brother were tied up , too , the latter with his hands behind him , and he was suffered to hang till they were stretched above his head , and he fainted from the pain . And all this on the lying accusation of a negro ! They even hung up a negro man , Tom , because he would not swear to a pack of lies inculpating his master . And the Yankees pretend to be a civilized people ! And these precious missionaries of the gospel of abolitionism have come out from philanthropic Boston to enlighten us benighted Southerners on our duty to the negroes , while they take a sterling old Wilkes county planter and treat him worse than we would do a runaway negro ! Such diabolical proceedings have not been heard of since the days of King James and his thumbscrews . Father has suggested that I might make some money by writing an account of this robbery business for some sensational Northern newspaper , and I mean to try it . I don 't suppose any of them would publish the real truth , even if I could get at it , which seems almost impossible , but I will do my best , and it will be worth while , if I can only get a chance to let the Yankees know how mean they are , even though I do have to soften it down . Father is one of Mr . Chenault 's counsel , and can tell me all about that part of the business . I will make a sensational article , with big headlines , and if the thing succeeds , I can make a Page 354 good many other salable pieces out of what I see going on around me every day , especially about the " freedmen " and their doings . I will write as if I were a Yankee myself , and in this way get a better chance to hit the wretches a few good hard raps over the head that they would not take from a Southerner . July 29 , Saturday . - I invited Emma Reed and Miss Ann Simpson to tea , and a terrible thunder storm came up that kept them here all night . Marsh went to a children 's party in the afternoon , and came home sick . Garnett spent the day at a barbecue , with the usual result , so between them and the thunder , which always frightens me out of my wits , I was not in a very lively mood . I spent the morning making tomato catsup . My eyes are getting so bad that I can hardly write half a page without stopping to rest them . Well might St . Paul pray to be delivered from this " Thorn in the flesh . " July 30 , Sunday . - The latest sensation is the confiscation of the Toombs residence . Gen . Wild went up there to - day and turned Mrs . Toombs out in the most brutal manner . He only allowed her to take her clothing and a few other personal effects , peering into the trunks after they had been packed , and even unrolling Mrs . Toombs 's nightgowns to see if anything " contraband " was concealed in them . A little pincushion from her workstand which she had given to Cora as a keepsake , he jerked out of Ed Morgan 's hand and cut open with his penknife to see if jewels were not concealed in it . He searched the baggage of Bishop Pierce , who was at that moment in the Methodist church , preaching one of the best sermons I ever listened to , and made all kinds of sarcastic remarks about what he found there . He suffered Ed Morgan 's trunk and a basket of fine peaches that Mrs . Toombs had gathered for Cora , to come to our house unmolested , as a special favor to Judge Andrews . I don 't know what the old brute would think of Judge Andrews if he knew that in his house were stored at this moment Mrs . Toombs 's family portraits and a good part of her silver plate . He has so little magnanimity himself that he will never suspect such a thing as the existence of personal esteem between political opponents , as father and Gen . Toombs have nearly always been . Cora , who was at Mrs . Toombs 's with a number of other friends while all this was going on , says that his manner was as hard and unfeeling as a rock ; his negro sergeant actually seemed ashamed of him . Neither tears , hatred , nor contempt could move him ; he actually seemed to glory in his odious work . He is a little mean - soured edition of that champion persecutor , the Duke of Alva , and so we call him , for he would make an auto da f � of the last one of us poor rebels if he could . It is necessary to have some nickname to use when we talk before the servants , and to speak very carefully , even then , for every black man is a possible spy . Father says we must not even trust mammy too far . Never were people subjected to a Page 356 more thorough and complete system of espionage , and by such irresponsible agents . The least bit of careless speaking is liable to get one into trouble . John Ficklen was arrested and fined merely for saying that he wished the bullet that hit Wild 's arm had taken off his confounded head . Father says he is rather a handsome man , but I would sooner face the devil in his worst shape . He is one of those close , secret , cold - blooded villains who keeps his own counsel , just like Alva of old , when he had a new piece of cruelty to perpetrate against the poor Hollanders . Father thinks he has something behind , of a still more astounding nature than anything he has yet done , and tried to sound him , but it was " no go . " Old French , like the vain fool of a fanatic that he is , blabs everything he knows ; father says he saw to the bottom of him in two hours . We have not quarreled much about politics in the last few days , for when it comes to a situation like this , father is too true at the core not to take part with his own people . He may love the Union as much as he will , but he is too much of a gentleman to have any part or parcel in the transactions of men like these . Such Pharisaical hypocrites as Wild and French make Capt . Cooley seem almost an angel of light . We are actually beginning to regard this Yankee officer as a friend and protector . He undoubtedly has behaved like a gentleman in every respect . While Gen . Wild and Dr . French make a business of dining two or three times a week with a party of negroes at Page 357 old Uncle Spenser 's , Capt . Cooley never associates with either of them any more than he can help , and does his best to make the negroes behave themselves . He says that the two newcomers have given him more trouble than all the rebels he ever had to deal with , and has been heard to " damn " them soundly . Garnett says he is a real good fellow , and my heart has softened so that I am not ashamed to think well even of a Yankee , like him . The young men of the town invited him to their barbecue yesterday , and I am glad of it . Since the Toombses have been turned out of their house , Ed . Morgan has come to stay with us . Mrs . DuBose is very near her confinement , but fortunately she has friends enough with whom she can find shelter , and Gen . DuBose is on his way home . His bodyservant , who was severely wounded in one of our last battles while trying to carry his master some breakfast , is at the confiscated house , very ill , and the family are reduced to such straits that they can make no provision for him . This seems to distress Mrs . Toombs more than her own situation . Dr . Lane promised her to render the negro medical service , and if Gen . Wild was really as fond of the negroes as he pretends to be , he would provide the poor fellow with everything else he needs - but he leaves that to their rebel masters - those cruel slaveholders whose chief delight was to torture and murder their negroes . July 31 , Monday . - The best thing that has ever happened since the world began ! Old Wild arrested ! Page 358 He had just established himself comfortably in Mrs . Toombs 's house , where he announced his intention of opening a negro school in the basement , reserving the first floor for himself and his gang . One of the teachers had come , and Dr . French was in high feather . The general himself was reveling in power and wickedness . He had removed his female prisoners from the courthouse to an upper room on the square , where they were confined on a diet of army rations . Two men were arrested for looking at them as they stood at a window , under suspicion of making signals , and Dick Walton was also arrested as " guilty of being suspected . " A Reign of Terror was upon us , and things were looking very squally indeed , with this agent of a tribunal as tyrannical as Robespierre 's Jacobins , riding over us rough - shod . Men dared not speak without looking over their shoulder to see if a spy was in hearing . Wild , cold and hard as adamant , seemed fairly to glory in making himself hated - but thank Heaven , his day is over . In the midst of these arbitrary proceedings , just as Dr . Walton had been placed under arrest , the afternoon train came in with a fresh squad of Yankee soldiers , under the command of splendidly caparisoned officers . Our hearts failed at the sight , for thus far , in all our experience , a fresh arrival of Yankees has meant a fresh train of woes . Capt . Semmes was spending his last evening with us , before leaving Georgia , and the whole family assembled on the piazza , as the cavalcade passed our Page 359 street gate , speculating as to what new calamity was about to befall us . But when father came in a little later and told us the real object of their visit , we clapped our hands and shouted for joy . Cora danced a pirouette , Marsh turned a series of somersaults the whole length of the piazza , and father himself laughed with a right good will . Henry came home in the midst of it all and told us that when he first heard the news down town , he went into the back room of Burwell Ficklen 's office , shut the windows , locked the door , and threw his hat up to the ceiling three times . When our first burst of joy had subsided , we , too , began to look round to see if the negroes were all out of the way , and then proceeded to vent our feelings . The downfall of these precious apostles of Abolitionism will have a good effect upon the negroes , whom they have all but excited to insurrection . Dr . French has been cheating and imposing upon them all the time , but the poor , ignorant creatures can see nothing wrong in him whom they call their " white Jesus , " - little knowing what horrid blasphemy they are uttering . It has become a fashion among them to be married by him , though he takes the last cent they have , as a fee . I thought something of that kind must be at the bottom of his anxiety to " settle the marriage relations " of the negroes . One woman left her husband and married another man , like Charity did Peter . Husband No . 1 went to Dr . French while he was performing the ceremony , and objected to the proceeding , but No . 2 had the Page 360 woman and the fee on his side , so he carried the day . I believe this whang - nosed fanatic is a more despicable creature than even Gen . Wild ; he is one of the sleek , unctuous kind that tries to cover his rascality under the cloak of religion , but his - ( word illegible ) comes out too strong for that much patched garment to hide . Father fears that our rejoicing over the downfall of Wild is vain . He says that such a wily rascal would hardly commit himself as he has done , without good authority . He may have orders from a higher power than Gen . Steadman , of which that officer is ignorant , and if this be the case , he may not remain long under arrest . Those people at Washington are capable of anything , and if he should be turned loose upon us again , his desire for vengeance will make him worse than ever , and then , woe to the Toombses and Chenaults , whose complaints to Gen . Steadman caused his arrest . While we were at supper there was heard a noise precisely like the firing of a cannon , but a rumbling sound that followed immediately after , convinced us it was only a peal of thunder . After we got up from the table , Henry took me aside and told me that it really was the old cannon , which some young harebrains among the boys had determined to fire off for joy at " Alva 's " arrest . The rumbling of thunder which accompanied it seems almost like an interposition of Providence to save our young rebels from the possible consequences of their imprudence . Anyway , Page 361 the old blunderbuss never opened its mouth in a better cause . After supper , Capt . Semmes , the last of our war friends , took his leave . He sets out for New Orleans on Wednesday , but will return in a month or two for his family . " I expect Gen . Wild will have you up by the thumbs next , " he said to me laughing , as he moved away . " You and Miss Metta and Mary would make a pretty trio , with your three red heads . " " I hope , " I answered , " that my new shoes will come before I am strung up , for I believe the operation is very exposing to the feet . " It seems unfeeling to jest about such things , and yet , we all do it . I suppose the very desperateness of our situation makes us reckless . Even father 's face was one broad sunbeam when he told us of " Alva 's " arrest , and he never shuts us up for abusing him - only looks round to see if the doors are closed and none of the servants within hearing . For all he is such a strong Union man , I am sure that he detests the brute . It does my heart good to hear him tell how he took advantage of the only legal mistake the old sleuth hound made in that murder case , and thus will probably save the neck of his client . I am like everybody else ; I want these men to be punished if they are guilty , but not by an illegal , secret military tribunal , nor convicted on negro evidence . Capt . Cooley says they give more weight to negro evidence than to that of white people . Page 362 Aug . 1 , Tuesday . - Wild 's negro bodyguard left this morning , and it is said we are to be rid of the tyrant himself to - morrow . Col . Drayton is reported as saying that he would not like to be in Wild 's place when he gets back to Augusta , and bitterly censures his conduct . There seems to be some sense of decency left among the Yankee army officers , even yet . This Col . Drayton is evidently a gentleman . Bless his heart , I feel as if I should really like to shake hands with him . Our town is full of Yanks , and new ones coming in every day . The last to arrive is a staff officer * from the War Department . Something of importance must be on foot , but of course we , who are most nearly concerned , know not what . We see the splendidly - equipped officers dashing about the streets , and think bitterly of the days when our own ragged rebels were there instead , but we never have time to think long before the storm bursts over our heads , somebody is plunged into the abyss , and present misery leaves no time for vain regrets . I sincerely pray that no more negro troops may be sent here . Those of Wild were exceedingly insolent , and came near raising a riot at the d � pot just before they boarded the cars . They cursed the white citizens who happened to be there , threatened to shoot them , and were with difficulty restrained by the Yankee officers themselves from making good their threat . Our * There is obviously some error here as to the official title of the person referred white men were compelled to submit to this insolence , while hundreds of idle negroes stood around , laughing and applauding it . Father came home in a state of indignation to which I have rarely seen him wrought up . He says it was the most alarming and exasperating scene he has yet witnessed . Contrary to everybody 's expectation , the negro troops are less disposed to submit to discipline than the white ones . One would think that after the plantation discipline to which they have been accustomed , there would be no difficulty with them in the army , but the Yankee officers say they are the most turbulent and insubordinate troops in the service . With Southern men to command them they would soon be made to know their place , but the Yankees have spoiled them by making a hobby of them . They never did know how to treat negroes , anyway , and if they don 't mind , they will raise a spirit which it will be out of their power to lay . The negro troops are said to be better fed , better clothed , and better paid , than any others in the army , and there is a good deal of jealousy already between them and their white comrades . Serves them right . I wish every wretch of them had a strapping , loud - smelling African tied to him like a Siamese twin , and that Wild had one on both sides . Oh , how I hate them ! I will have to say " Damn ! " yet , before I am done with them . Aug . 2 , Wednesday . - Wild and French have gone their way ; the Reign of Terror in our town is over Page 364 for the present . If the Yankees cashier Wild , it will give me more respect for them than I ever thought it possible to feel . He is the most atrocious villain extant . Before bringing the Chenaults to town , he went into the country to their home , and tortured all the men till Mr . Nish Chenault fainted three times under the operation . Then he shut up the two ladies , Mrs . Chenault and Sallie , in a room , to be searched by a negro woman , with a Yankee officer standing outside the door to make sure that it was thoroughly done . When the ladies had stripped to their last garment , they stopped and objected to undressing any further , but were compelled to drop it to the waist . . . . Disappointed at not finding any other plunder , the Yankees took their watches and family jewelry , and $ 150 in gold that Mr . Chenault had saved through the war . I have this from Mrs . Reese , who got it from Sallie Chenault herself , after they were released . After searching the ladies , they kept them in the woods all day , while they searched and plundered the house . Miss Chenault says she doesn 't suppose there was much left in the house worth having , when the Yankees and negroes had gone through it . I believe all the ladies have now been released by Col . Drayton , except Mrs . Nish Chenault , who is detained on a charge of assault and battery for slapping one of her own negro women who was insolent to her ! How are the tables turned ! This robbery business furnishes a good exposition of Yankee character . Each one that Page 365 meddles with it goes off with some of the gold sticking to his fingers , and then gets into trouble with the others , who are afraid there will be none of it left for them . Let a Yankee alone for scenting out plunder . Aug . 4 , Friday . - Capt . Cooley went out of town on some business or other , and it seemed as if the negroes and common soldiers would drive the rest of us out after him . I went to walk with Mary Semmes in the afternoon , and every lady we met on the street had had some unpleasant adventure . A negro called to Cora , in the most insulting manner , from an upper window on the square , and two drunken Yankees ran across the street at Mary and me and almost knocked us down , whooping and yelling with all their might . We were glad to hurry back home , as fast as our feet would carry us . Things are coming to such a pass that it is unsafe for ladies to walk on the street . The town is becoming more crowded with " freedmen " every day , and their insolence increases with their numbers . Every available house is running over with them , and there are some quarters of the village where white people can hardly pass without being insulted . The negroes are nearly all idle , and most of them live by stealing . I don 't know what is to become of them in winter , when fruits and vegetables are gone . Sometimes my sympathies are very much excited by the poor creatures , notwithstanding their outrageous conduct - for which the Yankees are more to blame , after all , than they . The other day I met a half - grown boy with Page 366 all his worldly goods in a little wallet slung over his shoulder . He was a poor , ignorant , country darkey , and seemed utterly lost in the big world of little Washington . He stopped at our street gate as I passed out , and asked in a timid voice , almost breaking into sobs : " Does you know anybody what wants to hire a boy , mistis ? " I was so sorry for him that I felt like crying myself , but I could do nothing . The Yankees have taken all that out of our hands , and deprived us of the means of caring for even our own negroes . There is nothing for it but to harden our hearts against sufferings we never caused and have no power to prevent . Our enemies have done it all ; let them glory in their work . Aug . 5 , Saturday . - It rained like fury all the afternoon , and I finished my account of the bank robbery which I intend trying to sell to one of the New York papers . I did my best to get at the exact truth , and father did all he could to help me , so I think it is , in the main , about as clear a statement of the facts as can be got at . Gardiner Foster came over from Elberton and spent the evening with us . Somebody is always sure to come when I neglect to change my dress in the evening . Mary Semmes and I took a long walk together before breakfast , and met neither Yankees nor negroes . The " freedmen " are living up to their privileges now , and leave the early morning hours to us " white trash . " Willie Robertson told me about an adventure of his Page 367 that might have strayed out of a " New York Ledger " story . Returning home late the other night , from an evening call , he found a note under the front door , addressed to himself , in blood . Opening it , he found inside only a drop of blood ! His sisters are frightened out of their wits about it , but Willie thinks that it is only a trick of some darkey he has offended , trying to " cunjur " him . Negroes are given to such modes of vengeance , and one could easily have gotten some Yankee , or other low person , to write the address for him . Willie says it is in the cramped hand of an illiterate person , such as people of this sort might be expected to write . Aug . 7 , Monday . - Dr . Hardesty left for Baltimore and we sent off a big mail to be posted by him there - letters to the Elzeys and other friends . Garnett brought Taz Anderson and Dr . McMillan home to dinner . It seemed just like the quiet antebellum days , before Washington had become such a thoroughfare , and our house a sort of headquarters for the officers of two Confederate armies . It was almost as if the last four years had been blotted out , and all of us transported back for a day , to the time when Garnett was a rising young lawyer just beginning his career , and used to fill the house with his clients and friends . A sense of grinding oppression , a deep humiliation , bitter disappointment for the past , and hopelessness for the future , and the absence of many well known faces that used to meet us , is all that Page 368 marks the change betwixt the now and the then , so far as our social life is concerned . The pleasant strangers the war brought here have nearly all gone their ways , and Washington is becoming nothing but a small , dull country village again . Everything relating to the dear old Confederate times is already so completely dead and buried that they seem to have existed only in imagination . I feel like one awaking from some bright dream , to face the bitter realities of a hard , sordid world . The frightful results of its downfall are all that remain to tell us that there ever was a Southern Confederacy . Oh , for the glorious old days back again , with all their hardships and heroism , with all their " pomp and circumstance of glorious war ! " - for war , with all its cruelty and destruction , is better than such a degrading peace as this . Aug . 9 , Wednesday . - I took a horseback ride before breakfast , and learned the " catch trot , " which is a great help in riding a rough - going horse . We had a dance in the evening , which I did not enjoy much . . . . I have sent my account of the bank robbery to try its fate with the " New York World . " In a private letter to the editor , I explained that I wrote as if I were a Yankee sojourning at the South , in order to make some of the hard things it was necessary to say in telling the truth , as little unpalatable as possible to a Northern public . What a humiliation ! But it gave me the satisfaction of hitting a few hard knocks that I could not have ventured in any other way . I Page 369 Aug . 11 , Friday . - A charming dance at Mrs . Ben Bowdre 's . Jim Bryan and Mr . Berry went with Mett and me . Garnett took Mary . She had her head dressed with a huge pile of evergreens that made her look like Birnam Wood coming to Dunsinane . She never did have any taste in arranging her hair . Aug . 18 , Friday . - Just returned from a visit to Woodstock , where I had a perfectly charming time . Ella Daniel wrote for Minnie Evans to bring out a party of us to spend a few days at her house , and fortunately left the selection of the guests to Minnie . Nine of us went out Thursday morning and came back this afternoon . We left Washington immediately after breakfast , and reached Woodstock just in time for dinner , after a jolly ride of eighteen miles , with plenty of good fruit and melons to eat on the way . Ella and her brother , Cicero , were our entertainers . They have a large , elegant house , with two beautiful front parlors and a wide hall that can be thrown together by means of sliding doors - a glorious place for dancing . Mamma and Papa Daniel have both departed this life , there were no maiden aunts or married sisters to interfere , and we young people had everything our own way . It rained all the first afternoon , so there could * The article here alluded to was published a few weeks later in the New York " World , " under the heading : " A Romance of Robbery . " be no riding , but we had no reason to regret that , with those nice rooms for dancing . We danced half the night and then went to our rooms and talked away the rest of it . We danced again before breakfast , played cards , ate fruit , and idled about the house till dinnertime , after which we started back home , though Ella and her brother did their best to keep us another day , but we thought it would be an imposition , as there were so many of us , though their hospitality was equal to anything , and they entertained us delightfully . The dinners , especially , were charming - none of the awkwardness and constraint one so often finds where people have come together to make a business of enjoying themselves . Ed Morgan and his cousin , Tom Daniel , joined us at Woodstock and helped on the fun . The Daniels are as thick as peas there , - - and as nice . But pleasant as it all was , the best part of our trip was the journey home . Willie Robertson put Buck , our driver , on his horse , and he and I mounted the box and drove home that way . It was a delightfully cool seat - so high and airy ; I felt as if I were flying - and Willie did make the horses fly . We laughed and sang rebel songs , and the whole party were as jolly and as noisy as if we had been half - tight . We stopped at several country houses on the road to get water , or peaches and melons , and sometimes to have a chat with the people . On reaching home , I found that sister had arrived , with the children . There was a big mail , too , with Page 371 letters from our friends in Richmond and Baltimore , and a quantity of Northern papers they sent us . I hate the Yankees more and more , every time I look at one of their horrid newspapers and read the lies they tell about us , while we have our mouths closed and padlocked . The world will not hear our story , and we must figure just as our enemies choose to paint us . The pictures in " Harper 's Weekly " and " Frank Leslie 's " tell more lies than Satan himself was ever the father of . I get in such a rage when I look at them that I sometimes take off my slipper and beat the senseless paper with it . No words can express the wrath of a Southerner on beholding pictures of President Davis in woman 's dress ; and Lee , that star of light before which even Washington 's glory pales , crouching on his knees before a beetle - browed image of " Columbia , " suing for pardon ! And these in the same sheet with disgusting representations of the execution of the so - called " conspirators " in Lincoln 's assassination . Nothing is sacred from their disgusting love of the sensational . Even poor Harold 's sisters , in their last interview with him , are pictured for the public delectation , in " Frank Leslie 's . " Andersonville , one would think , was bad enough as it was , to satisfy them , but no ; they must lie even about that , and make it out ten times worse than the reality - never realizing that they themselves are the only ones to blame for the horrors of that " prison pen , " as they call it . They were the ones that refused to exchange prisoners . Our g government could not defend its own cities nor feed its own soldiers ; how could it help crowding its prisoners and giving them hard fare ? I have seen both Northern and Southern prisoners , and the traces of more bitter suffering were shown in the pinched features and half - naked bodies of the latter than appeared to me even in the faces of the Andersonville prisoners I used to pass last winter , on the cars . The world is filled with tales of the horrors of Andersonville , but never a word does it hear about Elmira and Fort Delaware . The " Augusta Transcript " was suppressed , and its editor imprisoned merely for publishing the obituary of a Southern soldier , in which it was stated that he died of disease " contracted in the icy prisons of the North . " Splendid monuments are being reared to the Yankee dead , and the whole world resounds with p � ans because they overwhelmed us with their big , plundering armies , while our Southern dead lie unheeded on the fields where they fought so bravely , and our real heroes , our noblest and best , the glory of human nature , the grandest of God 's works , are defamed , vilified , spit upon . Oh ! you brave unfortunates ! history will yet do you justice . Your monuments are raised in the hearts of a people whose love is stronger than fate , and they will see that your memory does not perish . Let the enemy triumph ; they will only disgrace themselves in the eyes of all decent people . They are so blind that they boast of their own shame . They make pictures of the ruin of Page 373 our cities and exult in their work . They picture the destitution of Southern homes and gloat over the desolation they have made . " Harper 's " goes so far as to publish a picture of Kilpatrick 's " foragers " in South - West Georgia , displaying the plate and jewels they have stolen from our homes ! " Out of their own mouths they are condemned , " and they are so base they do not even know that they are publishing their own shame . Aug . 22 , Tuesday . - Charity and Mammy both sick , and Emily preparing to leave . I don 't think the poor darkey wants to go , but mother never liked to have her about the house , and father can 't afford to keep such a big family on his hands when he has no use for them , though he says he will do all in his power to keep them from suffering . Our circumstances are so reduced that it is necessary to reduce our establishment and retrench our expensive manner of living . We have not even an errand boy now , for George , the only child left on the place , besides Emily 's gang , is going to school ! Sister and I do most of the housework while Mammy and Charity are laid up . Sister attended to the bedrooms this morning , while Mett and I cleaned up downstairs and mother washed the dishes . It is very different from having a servant always at hand to attend to your smallest need , but I can 't say that I altogether regret the change ; in fact , I had a very merry time over my work . Jim Bryan came in while I was sweeping the parlor , to invite Page 374 Garnett , Mett , and me to a party at his house . Then came John Ficklen with Ella Daniel , now on a visit to Minnie Evans , and Anna Robertson and Dr . Calhoun dropped in later . I had my head tied up in a veil to keep the dust off , and a linen apron round my waist . They called me " Bridget " and laughed a great deal at my blunders and ignorance , such as dusting the top shelves first and flirting the trash behind me as I swept . However , I will soon learn better , and the rooms really did look very nice when I got through with them . I never saw the parlor and library so tidy . I was in high good humor at the result of my labors , and the gentlemen complimented me on them . I don 't think I shall mind working at all when I get used to it . Everybody else is doing housework , and it is so funny to compare our experiences . Father says this is what has made the Anglo - Saxon race great ; they are not afraid of work , and when put to the test , never shirk anything that they know has got to be done , no matter how disagreeable . But it does seem to me a waste of time for people who are capable of doing something better to spend their time sweeping and dusting while scores of lazy negroes that are fit for nothing else are lying around idle . Dr . Calhoun suggested that it would be a good idea to import some of those man - apes from Africa and teach them to take the place of the negroes , but Henry said that just as soon as we had got them tamed , and taught them to be of some use , those crazy fanatics at the North would Page 375 insist on coming down here to emancipate them and give them universal suffrage . A good many people seem to think that the Yankees are never going to be satisfied till they get the negroes to voting . Father says it is the worst thing we have to fear now . Mrs . Bryan 's party was charming , though I was too tired to enjoy the dancing as much as usual . Mrs . Bryan gave us a splendid little supper - the second one we have had this summer , besides the few given at our house . Most of our entertainments are starvation parties . We are too poor to have suppers often , but when we do get one we enjoy it famously . Jim Bryan and John Ficklen walked home with Metta and me . It was nearly three o ' clock before we got to bed , and then we were both too tired to sleep . My legs ached as if they had been in the stocks , but when I become more accustomed to hard work , I hope it won 't be so bad . I think it is an advantage to clean up the house ourselves , sometimes , for we do it so much better than the negroes . The children are having a great time . Cousin Mary gave them a little party this evening , and they have two or three every week . Julia is a famous belle among the little boys . Aug . 23 , Wednesday . - Up very early , sweeping and cleaning the house . Our establishment has been reduced from 25 servants to 5 , and two of these are sick . Uncle Watson and Buck do the outdoor Page 376 work , or rather the small part of it that can be done by two men . The yard , grove , orchards , vineyards , and garden , already show sad evidences of neglect . Grace does the washing and milks the cows , mammy cooks , and Charity does part of the housework , when well . Cora has hired Maum Rose , a nice old darkey that used to belong to the Dunwodys , to wait on her , and she is a great help to us . I worked very hard in the morning because I had a great deal to do . I got through by ten o ' clock and was preparing for a nap when Cousin Liza came in with some of our country kin , and immediately after , Mrs . Jordan , with her sister , two children and three servants , came to spend the night . Other people came in to dinner - I counted twenty at table . Charity was well enough to wait in the dining - room , mammy and Emily did the cooking , but Mett and I had the other work to do , besides looking after all the company . I never was so tired in my life ; every bone in my body felt as if it were ready to drop out , and my eyes were so heavy that I could hardly keep them open . I don 't find doing housework quite so much of a joke as I imagined it was going to be , especially when we have company to entertain at the same time , and want to make them enjoy themselves . By the way , Mrs . Jordan says I was right in dusting the top shelves first , so the laugh is on the other side . After dinner Mrs . Jordan and Mary Anderson wanted to do some shopping , and then we went to make some visits . On our return home we met Page 377 Dick and Emily , with their children , at the front gate , going out to begin life for themselves . All their worldly possessions , considerably increased by gifts of poultry , meal , bacon , and other provisions - enough to last them till they can make a start for themselves , besides crockery and kitchen utensils that mother gave them , had gone before in a wagon . Dick 's voice trembled as he bade me good - by , Emily could not speak at all , and Cinthy cried as if her heart would break . I felt very much like crying myself - it was so pitiful . Poor little Sumter , who has been fed every day of his life from father 's own hand , as regularly as old Toby from mine , was laughing in great glee , little dreaming what is in store for him , I fear . Little Charlotte , too , the baby , who always came to me for a lump of sugar or a bit of cake whenever she saw me in the kitchen , sat crowing in her mother 's arms , and laughed when she held out her little fat hand to tell me good - by . Poor little creature , I wonder how long it will be before her little shiny black face will be pinched and ashy from want ! If it hadn 't been for the presence of all those strangers , I should have broken down and cried outright . Father took some silver change out of his purse and placed it in the child 's hand , and I saw a tear trickle down his cheek as he did so . Dick has hired himself out to do stable work , and has taken his family to live in a house out at Thompson 's , that den of iniquity . I am distressed about Page 378 Altogether it has been a sad , trying day , and as soon as I could go to my room and be alone for awhile , I sat on the edge of the bed and relieved myself by taking a good cry , while Metta , like Rachael - refused to be comforted . But we had not long to indulge our feelings , for we had promised Minnie Evans to go to a dance she was giving for Ella Daniel , and we always stand by Minnie , though we would both a great deal rather have stayed at home . I was so tired that I made Jim Bryan tell the boys not to ask me to dance . Mett and Kate Robertson were in the same plight , so we hid off in a corner and called ourselves " the * The history of Emily and her family is pathetically typical of the fate of so many of their class . They multiplied like rats , and have dragged out a precarious existence , saved from utter submergence through the charity of the young girl whose sympathies were always so active in their behalf - Emily having been her nurse . Cinthy , whom I was so troubled about , and her next sister , Sarah , happily disappointed my fears by marrying respectable negro men and leading decent lives . The baby , Charlotte , grew up a degenerate of the most irresponsible type , and became the mother of five or six illegitimate children , all by different fathers . One of her sons was hanged for the " usual crime , " committed against a little white girl - a very aggravated case - and the record of the others would rival that of the Jukes family . The old people , Dick and Emily , superannuated and helpless , are still living ( 1908 ) , sheltered and provided for by their old master 's daughter ( Metta ) , who still lives on a part of the Haywood estate and has been a protecting providence to all of our poor old black people that are still living in the village . Aug . 24 , Thursday . - I had to be up early and clean up my room , though half - dead with fatigue . After breakfast I went out again with Mrs . Jordan , and we were almost suffocated by the dust . While we were crossing the square I received a piece of politeness from a Yankee , which astonished me so that I almost lost my breath . He had a gang of negro vagrants with balls and chains , sweeping the street in front of their quarters . The dust flew frightfully , but we were obliged to pass , and the Yankee ordered the sweeping stopped till we were out of the way . I also saw Capt . Cooley for the first time . His head was turned away , so I took a good look at him , and his appearance was not bad at all - that is , he would be a very good - looking man in any other dress than that odious Yankee blue . He is very anxious to visit some of the girls in Washington , I hear , but says that he knows he would not be received . He saw the Robertson girls pass his quarters one day , and said to some men standing near : " Oh , I wish I wasn 't a Yankee ! " Our friends left soon after dinner . Mrs . Jordan wanted Mett and me to go home with her and attend a big country dance at old Mrs . Huling 's . We would like to go , but have no driver , and could not leave our Page 380 work at home - to say nothing of the state of our wardrobes . I had no time to rest after dinner , being obliged to take a long walk on business and having neither carriage - driver nor errand - boy . I was so tired at night that I went to bed as soon as I had eaten my supper . Aug . 25 , Friday . - The Ficklens sent us some books of fashion brought by Mr . Boyce from New York . The styles are very pretty , but too expensive for us broken - down Southerners . I intend always to dress as well as my means will allow , but shall attempt nothing in the way of finery so long as I have to sweep floors and make up beds . It is more graceful and more sensible to accept poverty as it comes than to try to hide it under a flimsy covering of false appearances . Nothing is more contemptible than broken - down gentility trying to ape rich vulgarity - not even rich vulgarity trying to ape its betters . For my part , I am prouder of my poverty than I ever was of my former prosperity , when I remember in what a noble cause all was lost . We Southerners are the Faubourg St . Germain of American society , and I feel , with perfect sincerity , that my faded calico dress has a right to look with scorn at the rich toilettes of our plunderers . Notwithstanding all our trouble and wretchedness , I thank Heaven that I was born a Southerner , - that I belong to the noblest race on earth - for this is a heritage that nothing can ever take from me . The greatness of the Southern character is showing itself Page 381 Aug . 27 , Sunday . - The bolt has fallen . Mr . Adams , the Methodist minister , launched the thunders of the church against dancing , in his morning discourse . Mr . Montgomery wanted to turn his guns on us , too , but his elders spiked them . I could not help being amused when Mr . Adams placed dancing in the same category with bribery , gambling , drunkenness , and murder . He fell hard upon wicked Achan , who caused Israel to sin , and I saw some of the good brethren on the " amen " benches turn their eyes upon me . I was sitting near the pulpit , under full fire , and half - expected to hear him call me " Jezabel , " but I suppose he is reserving his heavy ammunition for the grand attack he is going to make next Sunday . The country preachers have been attacking us , too , from all quarters . I understand that some of them have given Washington over to destruction , and the country people call it " Sodom . " I thought I should die laughing when I first heard of this name being applied to our quiet , innocent little village - though it might not have been such a misnomer when the " righteous Lot " was in our midst . It is a pity that good , pious people , as some of these preachers undoubtedly are , should be so blinded by prejudice . I wish we had an Episcopal Church established here to serve as a refuge for the many worthy people who are not gamblers and murderers , but who like to indulge in a little dancing now and then . Aug . 29 , Tuesday . - . . . Capt . Cooley is to be removed and Washington is to have a new commander . Everybody regrets it deeply , and the gentlemen proposed getting up a petition to have him retained , but finally concluded that any such proceeding would only render his removal the more certain . I do not know the name of our new master , but they say he is drunk most of the time , and his men are the ones that acted so badly in the case of Mr . Rhodes , near Greensborough . One of Mr . Rhodes 's " freedmen " lurked in the woods around his plantation , committing such depredations that finally he appealed to the garrison at Greensborough for protection . The commandant ordered him to arrest the negro and bring him to Greensborough for trial . With the assistance of some neighboring planters , Mr . Rhodes succeeded in making Page 383 the arrest , late one evening . He kept the culprit at his house that night , intending to take him to town next day , but in the meantime , a body of negroes marched to the village and informed the officer that Mr . Rhodes and his friends were making ready to kill their prisoner at midnight . A party of bluecoats was at once dispatched to the Rhodes plantation , where they arrived after the family had gone to bed . Without waiting for admission , they fired two shots into the house , one of which killed Mrs . Rhodes 's brother . They left her alone with the dead man , on a plantation full of insolent negroes , taking the rest of the men to Greensborough , where the Yankees and negroes united in swearing that the Rhodes party had fired upon them . Mr . Rhodes was carried to Augusta , and on the point of being hanged , when a hitch in the evidence saved his life . The Yankees themselves confessed to having fired two shots , of which the dead man , and a bullet lodged in the wall , were proof positive . But the negroes , not knowing the importance of their admission ( for want of being properly coached , no doubt ) gave evidence that only two shots in all had been fired . When they found that it went against them , the Yankees tried to throw out the negro evidence altogether , but here Miss Columbia 's passion for her black paramour balked them . Mr . Rhodes 's life was saved , but his property was confiscated - when did a Yankee ever lose sight of the plunder ? - while the wretch who shot his brother - in - law was merely removed from Greensborough to another garrison . This and the Chenault case are samples of the peace they are offering us . Heaven grant me rather the horrors of war ! . . . [ NOTE . - The rest of the MS . is missing , the last pages being torn from the book . ] |
A few of us arrived at Sara * 's house a couple of hours early to help decorate her garage for the party . Pretty much everyone in the eighth - grade class was going to be there . I grew up in a small town , so my entire class consisted of about seventy kids . It was going to the best night of my life . After we placed the finishing touches on the impressively large garage we all went into costume mode . I had chosen to go as a saloon girl because it was the only thing left that was pretty and in my size . The girls Jack usually went out with had only two things in common . They were all thin and pretty . Most days I didn 't feel like I was either of those , but I determined to not let that change anything . This night was going to be different because I was going to look like a babe . If you haven 't already guessed , I was a very anxious and shy person . While changing into my costumes , I started to think about the flaws in my plan . What if I get all dolled up and never even get noticed ? At the same time , I didn 't want to be the center of attention . My plan practically required that a large group of thirteen year olds would stare at only me as I entered the party . The more I thought about it , the more I was freaked out . No , I couldn 't go through with it . I just wanted to blend in , hide . So using some crappy Halloween makeup that one of my friends had brought for their costume , I covered up . Declaring to all my friends that I decided to become a scary version of my costume . I wasn 't ready to be the center of attention . My friends Sara and Anna * promised to help me with my ultra brilliant plan . Part of me believes they were just sick of seeing me pine over Jack . I trusted that they would find a way to help . Sara 's garage quickly filled up with the majority of my eighth - grade class . We were all enjoying the large amount of junk food and dancing to awesome hits from early Destiny 's Child to Britney Spears . Eventually , a slow song hit and kids started to self - consciously pair up . Waiting for a boy to ask you to dance has all the same uneasiness as waiting to get picked for a team in P . E . I hated both situations equally . I was trying my best not to look like I cared by pretending to tie my shoe when I saw a pair of feet appear next to mine . I placed my hands on his shoulders ; he placed his lightly on my waist . My eyes darted back and forth from his face to my friend 's faces . They were all looking at me with gleaming mischievous smiles . I honestly started having a tiny panic attack , trying to awake from this obvious dream . No , this was real , really awkward . We were spaced too far apart unnaturally swaying to the beat of the song . Then I started to think of all the things my friends probably did to do to get Jack to dance with me . What if they had to like , pay him or something ? Eventually , the worry swept away as we started to swing in unison . I relaxed a bit and starting to enjoy myself . After the song , Jack wrapped his arms and patted me on the back . Sara and Anna * among my other friends dragged me upstairs into the kitchen for a recap . I replayed everything , leaving out little tidbits , like how he smelled of soap mixed with a splash of Brut 's cologne . We stayed up in the kitchen for awhile , discussing who had the best and worst costumes of the night . Breanna Morris * was trying to get attention as a " sexy " pirate . We had a debate on what Madison Miller * was even supposed to be . Eventually , we went back down to the garage . Seal 's " Kissed by a Rose " ( a junior high dance classic ) was playing . I looked around the party for Jack , hoping maybe he would be waiting to ask me to dance , or better yet to be his girlfriend . Everything was moving in slow motion when I saw them together . It was as if they were swaying under a big bright spotlight with a sign with the words " HEARTBREAK ! BETRAYAL ! " illuminating above them . It was Jack and Breanna . They were intertwined slowly rocking to the music . His hands were resting on her … BUTT ! I could feel it coming . First it was the stinging of the nose then heaviness filled my chest . My eyes were filling up and there was no way to stop it . It was the worst pain I had ever felt in all my thirteen years . I hid on the top of the garage steps trying not to think about what I just saw . It felt like my whole world , my whole dream world , was demolished . My friends tried to tell me he wasn 't worth it or that Breanna was not even pretty . All the usual lies that good friends tell you to make you feel better . I couldn 't help but stare at them . They looked so happy . It should have been me , I kept telling myself . Word got around fast that Breanna was the one who asked him out . Of course she had a plan too . It was something that I would have never been able to do . She probably knew that . We had history . The night went by , and everyone seemed to be enjoying the party , except me . My friends did their best to cheer me up . I even danced with a couple of boys who I had crushes on before Jack . It wasn 't enough ; I was still too devastated . The sight of my Dad 's gold Pontiac was a welcome relief . I told him about everything on the way home . My dad 's advice was that Breanna was probably a " rebound " from his breakup with April . I looked at my dad with curious eyes . Reliving my past moments from the good to the REALLY bad has given me a lot of perceptive . From what you can tell from my last few posts I had it a little rough in junior high . Have you ever wanted to go back to tell your younger self that things will get better ? That junior high is tiny little dot on your life 's timeline ? There are so many things I have learned from writing about my childhood . I was am deathly afraid of rejection . I had low self - esteem and horrible social anxiety . I had a group of friends that accepted me , but I always had that fear that they would stop being my friends at any moment . I was known as the " goofy one " in my group of friends . The girl who tripped over speed bumps more than once ( completely sober I might add ) . The girl who had trouble forming sentences around the male gender and authority figures . That girl who had such a problem with being the center of attention she refused to walk into a crowded room alone . I was put into a category early on in my life , and it was hard to get out . I was never taken seriously and was ashamed of being that weird girl . I spent most of the time just being a follower , trying to stay under the radar . I felt like if I said what I was feeling , my friends wouldn 't accept me . I went along with everyone else 's ideas because it was easier . The problem was the only time I really felt like myself was when I was by myself . My bedroom as a teenager was truly my salvation . I could be whatever I wanted free of judgment . I would spend hours singing in the mirror , writing songs , and practicing my Oscar acceptance speeches . In my bedroom , I went through many style phases . There was the witchy goth chick liked someone out of The Craft . Oh , and the time I pretended to be the next Jennifer Lopez ( post - Selena , pre - Gigli ) . My all time favorite was the punk rock emo girl who listened to way too much Yellowcard . My bedroom is where I found my passion for writing in all forms , my scary movie obsession , and love of indie rock . The real me was left in my room while I went off pretending to be whatever I thought my friends wanted . It took me awhile to embrace who I really wanted to be . As I get older it gets a lot easier to not care what others think . I stopped censoring my personality . I found at least one person that accepts everything about me because I accept everything about him . I try to embrace my goofy side while exploring my many other sides . I am not afraid to say that I still sing in front of the mirror . That I love to watch cheesy made for TV movies because they almost always have happy endings . That I am endlessly working on a zombie novel that I may never finish . It took me twenty - eight years , but I am finally showing people who I really am . Sometimes I miss being so incredibly naive and hopeful like I was when I was thirteen . Watching too many romantic teen comedies gave me a false sense of how things worked in the real world . Like that one night or one party could change my luck . The luck I was looking for the boy of my dreams to notice me . Not just notice me but fall in love with me . Like I said , I was naive . It was October and my friend Sara announced she was going to have a Halloween party at her house . If my life were a movie , it would have been Sixteen Candles . Jack * would have been my Jake Ryan . Most days I felt just as invisible to the whole world as Molly Ringwald did . I only wish that the boy would notice me . For the past month , I had been pretty bummed about the Jack situation . I felt like he didn 't notice me and if he did it was because I was that " weird girl " in his science class . He had been dating April * . She was pretty and nice which was a rare combination in junior high . I never had a problem with her until I saw her sitting on Jack 's lap one night . Anna * and I decided to get some fresh air one night during the high school basketball game when we noticed them and another couple practically making out on the swings . It scared me . I wrote in my journal that night declaring that I was " afraid to grow up in a world of sex " and that Jack " made me sick ! " ( Lisa Frank Journal ) . Ok , I let it go for about a week . I kept writing about how I wanted to find a new boy to make Jack jealous , but it never happened . My second plan was to make April unpopular , but I didn 't know how to manipulate an entire eighth class into hating one of the prettiest girls in school . Eventually , I gave into the idea that maybe they were meant to be . I overestimated the seriousness of a typical preteen relationship . A couple of days before the Halloween party the rumor broke out that Jack and April broke up . At the time , it was one of the happiest moments of my life . It was fate , I thought . That day I came up with a fool - proof plan to win Jack 's heart . First things first , I needed a killer costume . Being only thirteen I had never dressed " sexy " for Halloween , but this year was going to be different . My idea of sexy was , of course , wearing tons of makeup and looking girly . I just wanted to look different , look prettier . I begged my parents to drive me the twenty minutes to the city to buy the best costume I could find . The costume store had been raided , but I ended up finding a red " saloon girl " dress . The day of the party I got self - conscious of trying to intentionally look pretty . I panicked and ended up changing my costume to " zombie saloon girl " . The second part of the plan was a bit flawed . I would ask Jack to dance and not just Jack , but other boys . I was going to make Jack jealous . I thought if he saw other boys taking an interest then he would be interested . I never took into consideration that other girls would be coming up with fool - proof plans . The first time I saw Jack * was pure magic . Our school never had any luck getting cute new boys , but with him , we hit the jackpot . He was everything I never knew I wanted in a boy . His " pure blue " eyes and curly brown hair overtook everything else that was perfect about him . I thought he was flawless because his short , muscular frame looked far less awkward than all the other boys in my grade . Before Jack , I never knew what " love at first sight " meant . The minute I saw him our life together flashed before my eyes . Our epic love would last forever . Unfortunately , he was the fresh meat in a tank of hungry preteen female sharks . I had no chance . I didn 't know what to do about Jack . I couldn 't get him out of my head . I wanted him to be my boyfriend . I never wanted anything more , but I couldn 't even make eye contact with the guy . I got red every time he even considered looking my way . I was the " weird girl " because of the multiple times he would catch me staring at the back of his head during science class . I tried to play it off as if I was " zoning out " when really I was trying to Jedi mind trick him into loving me . The worst part about science class was the presence of someone from my past , Trevor * . Yes , my first real boyfriend , Trevor , was my first obstacle in getting Jack . They quickly became friends , which was the worst news for me . Trevor acted weird around me ever since we broke up in sixth grade . I felt as though our break up was amicable , but apparently Trevor had seen it differently . I was so worried about the things that he was telling Jack about me . Cause you know he was . Or I was just paranoid . Nothing is more awkward than my elementary ex - boyfriend catching me admiring the back of his best friend 's head . Oh wait . My assigned seat was next to Trevor , who sat right behind Jack . One day in particular I caught Trevor 's eyes burrowing holes into the right side of my head . It took a while to realize because my eyes were busy as usual valuing the curves of Jack 's impeccable earlobes . ( Yup . His ears were beautiful . ) The sight of Jack 's head moving in my direction broke my gaze . Everything seemed to be in slow motion . I glanced over at Trevor to see him staring with a devilish grin . I looked quickly back at Jack , who looked slightly nervous . I quickly shifted my eyes towards my desk in embarrassment . " She was totally staring at the back of your head . For like ten minutes straight , dude ! She must like you ! " Trevor exclaimed , so loud the rest of the class heard . Giggles , then , full - blown laughter erupted in the room . Jack 's face turned a light shade of red as he turned towards the front of the classroom . I sat staring ahead , trying to pretend the whole class wasn 't laughing at me . After class , I barely made it the bathroom before breaking down into tears . I sat in the bathroom , waiting , hoping that no one notice I wasn 't in the lunchroom . My best friends Anna * and Cas * found me , trying to reassure me that Trevor must be still in love with me . " It was the only responsible explanation " they explained . Maybe it was a good thing , I thought to myself . Now , Jack would know that I was interested , and it would only be a matter of time before we would be a couple . Beyond the many spelling errors was the narrative of awkward preteen angst . Filled with dramatic retellings of mean parents and recounting typical days of junior high life . Though the fifty pages or so mostly consisted of wondering when a boy named Jack * was going to notice me . I might have been a slight stalker . I wrote about his many girlfriends that school year ( he had A LOT ) . About how much I hated them and thought they were not right for him ( obviously , I was ) . Pages and pages of my thirteen - year - old self , writing about how I was too good for him . Only to discuss all the reasons why we were soul mates in the next entry . Jack wasn 't my first infatuation . I had many , starting in fourth grade when I was fascinated with a boy named Taylor * . Our love never was because my selfish parents decided to move us out of the city to a small town twenty minutes away . Before Jack , the worst heartbreak I suffered was from Luke * the summer before seventh grade . Looking back now I realize that Luke was just a slight infatuation . Jack , on the other hand , was a borderline obsession . At the time I thought I couldn 't live without him . When I was younger I always related better to fictional characters than real people . ( Let 's be honest , I still do . ) I pictured myself finding my soul mate from just a glance and after seeing Jack 's " pure blue " eyes , ( which I mention A LOT in the journal ) I knew we were meant to be . Like I wrote in previous posts , I was incredibly reclusive . Trying to get a boy to like me while being cripplingly shy is pretty horrific . Which makes for some unbearable , but entertaining moments . So , the next couple of weeks I will be recounting some of my most awkward stories centered on the boy who broke my heart countless times , without even really trying . It was summer , the same summer that Anna * and I spent chasing Luke * . That day we were going to the river because Anna had called and said she wanted to go swimming and watch the older kids jump off the bridge . It wasn 't the highest jump and if planned right the middle of the river could be pretty deep . I always went along with Anna 's ideas because they were always better than mine . While Anna rode her bike to my house , I changed into my two - piece bathing suit . My parents would not let me have a bikini . Frankly I didn 't want one . I had a hard time adjusting to my " womanly " changes . That past year I went from a training bra to a B cup . I also still had some baby chub around my stomach that made me feel fat . I didn 't want a one piece because I wasn 't a little kid anymore . At the time only old woman and little kids had one pieces . So instead I got a tankini with matching " boy short " style bottoms . The top part fit me ok . The bottoms however were strangely cut . They fit snug on my waist when they were dry , but the minute I got them wet they sagged similar to a wet diaper . The worst part was that they didn 't fit in the lady parts . The shorts were extremely loose in that area . Which made me question if there was something wrong with my body . Yes , I questioned if my vagina was supposed to be bigger . Just another thing wrong with me , I thought . At the time I didn 't comprehend that the design of the clothing could be flawed . I also figured it would better to be loose than too tight . I didn 't quite know the term camel toe , but I knew it was something to be avoided . I was all dressed with nowhere to go because Anna changed her mind . She decided that going to the river sounded lame . ( Later I concluded that her parents probably told her that she couldn 't go to the river without an adult ) . Instead we watched some TV trying to think of something better to do . Riding our bikes past Luke 's was out of the question because he wasn 't home that day . Since we already had our bathing suits on we decided to go play in the sprinklers in my front yard . We played for a while , stopping every time a car would pass , just in case it was the older boys from up the street . We didn 't want them to see us playing in sprinklers like little kids , of course . Eventually we just sat around on some towels talking about boys and stuff that we could do tomorrow . I had forgotten about my ill fitting bathing suit as I sat cross - legged in the grass listening to Anna 's idea about riding our bikes to the store to get popsicles . I noticed Anna kept looking down when finally she said why . I couldn 't say anything . It actually took me a couple of moments to process what she had said . When I realized my best friend had just seen my lady parts , I wanted to die . My face rapidly grew warmer as I wrapped one of the towels around my waist . Even though it was put away , Anna couldn 't stop chuckling at me . I covered my eyes with my hands and felt like disappearing to any place other than my front yard . After moments of awkwardly listening to Anna straining to regain some composure , I joined in . It was the only thing I could do . I really wanted to run into my house and cry , but I was still kind of frozen from the mortification . " THAT WAS THE BEST MOMENT … EVER ! " Anna screamed . I honestly had a hard time trying to figure out why it was the best . In my head I was screaming , " THIS IS THE MOST EMBARRASSING THING EVER . " I wanted Anna to think I was cooler than I actually was , so I went along with it . Lucky for me , Anna never told anyone about seeing my lady parts . That is a great part of having a best friend . They will laugh at you at your most embarrassing moments because they expect you to do the same . They will keep your embarrassing stories to themselves , unless those stories will benefit them while playing a drunken game of I never . After Anna 's idea of jumping on Luke 's trampoline it was hard to separate us from Luke 's side the rest of the summer . We would all ride our bikes around the neighborhood , go swimming in the river , and of course jump on the Luke 's trampoline . Anna and I thought our three - way relationship was golden . Never really wondering how Luke felt about the arrangement . Never really questioning whether he saw us as his girlfriends or even if he liked one of us over the other . I mean yes , sometimes I caught myself wondering if he actually liked us at all . It was brief thoughts . I would remind myself that he would be stupid not to like us both . At the time I thought everything was so black and white , so easy . We were too young to have sexual tension . There was no hand holding or kissing . We were like three best friends . Two of which were continually planning to one day wed the third , but it was innocent . One day in July , we all decided to go see a Titanic together . I had been dying to see it because of obvious " LEO " reasons . It was our first real date with Luke and unfortunately my dad was the only free parent to drive us . We agreed to meet at my house at 5 : 00 pm . At 4 : 45 there was a knock at my front door . It was Luke , early . After a moment of freaking out , I let him in . Until that day , Anna and I had followed our " no hanging out alone with Luke " rule . I was too nervous to remember my own name , let alone the rules to our friendship . Luke had never been inside of my house before , so I showed him around . Since we had some time before my dad or Anna would be there , we sat and listened to music on my bed . It was going pretty well . I was actually carrying on a conversation with the boy of my dreams without Anna as my safety net . He started to tease me about my large stuffed animal collection , which somehow turned into a wrestling match . It was mostly innocent . My dad had a hard time deciphering the situation when he walked in on me sitting on top of Luke , his hands pinned to his chest . Surprisingly he didn 't freak out ; he nervously asked if we were ready to go . A couple of minutes later , Anna rang the doorbell and our date officially started . I never told Anna about my alone time with Luke . I did however get a talking to by my parents about being alone with boys in my room . At the time , I didn 't understand it . I mean , yes , if we had been alone any longer maybe Luke would have tried to kiss me . My intentions , however , were strictly innocent . I honestly couldn 't imagine doing anything with a boy until was I in eighth grade . Even then it made me extremely nervous to think about . After our date , things slowed down in our three - way relationship . It was a week before school started when things were getting weird . I hadn 't seen Luke or Anna in almost two weeks . Every time I tried to call Anna she said she was doing something with her parents or she was grounded for some stupid reason . She was always the one that would call Luke , so there was no way I was going to do it without her . One day I decided to ride my bike to her house . I figured if she didn 't want to hang out she could tell me why in person . As a rode past Luke 's house , my heart sank . There was Anna , her long blonde hair bouncing in the air on Luke 's trampoline . They were both jumping and laughing , without me . I froze and just stared . I didn 't understand why they hadn 't called me . I didn 't understand why she was breaking our rule . I didn 't understand anything at that point . As I stood there wishing I could be anywhere else , Anna caught my gaze . I peddled as fast I could as tears ran down my face . No one called . No one followed me . I was alone . That Friday , my brother was starting in the first football game of the season . Friday night football games in my small town were pretty much the only thing on the social calendar . I knew that Anna and probably Luke would be there , along with the rest of the town . My parents dragged me to see my brother . My mother reminded me that it would be good to see some of my other friends . Friends that I had neglected to see the whole summer . Luckily when I reached my small group of friends , Anna was nowhere to be found . They were all chattering about who changed the most over the summer and who was dating who . I wasn 't really listening until I heard , " Did you hear ? Anna and Luke are like together , TOGETHER . Can you believe it ? Random . " Knowing that information didn 't hurt as much as seeing them together on the trampoline earlier that week . The last couple of days I tried to make sense of the whole situation . I realized then , they didn 't want me around because they wanted a real two - way relationship ( as real as a seventh grade relationship could get ) . It became all too real when I saw them across the stands , holding hands while talking to a group of Luke 's friends . Anna didn 't talk to me that night . In the end their " relationship " lasted less than a month . Anna never apologized for breaking the rule , but we became friends again anyway . As for Luke , well , after the whole situation my affections grew smaller for him . I moved on by finding new unrequited crushes ( some more heartbreakingly awkward ) . Every once and a while he would nod my way and I would remember the summer we all had together . But junior high was a cruel place that separated the awkward kids from the cool kids . Eventually Anna and I became invisible to cool kids like Luke . Sometimes I wondered what would have happened if our three - way relationship would have worked out . Would he have acknowledged us at school ? Or was it doomed from the start ? All I know is that we would always have the creaky sound of Luke 's trampoline . |
I wanted to take a moment to welcome my new readers ! In the last couple of months , since Zack left really , my readership has increased dramatically . Although my official " followers " have not . . . which is silly . ( FOLLOW ME ! ) I know a lot of you are venturing over from the Weight Watchers website to read about my progress . I am so happy all of you are here . You 're all so inspirational to me , and I am happy that you guys are here to read about how I 'm doing , since I am actively stalking most of you . For some reason up to this point I have been on the " I need a workout / weight loss buddy " belief , and with all of you I don 't need someone who is physically here . I feel just as accountable to all of you online as I would if you were here . WW plan followers are a fun and feisty group and I am honored to have you as readers and friends = ] I know a large influx of readers are here because your friends , and my friends , are sharing my blog posts on their facebook pages . Everytime I see someone share one of my posts I 'm so very flattered . I would even say speechless , which is completely unheard of in MollyLand . The sharing really has brought a lot of people here . I am a proud resident of Council Bluffs . I 'm from here , I 'll always live here , and I 'm proud to be here . So thanks for reading neighbors ! It means a lot to me . Look for more posts in the future concerning local issues and local business . I am also a proud Military Wife . When I first joined this exclusive group I was apprehensive about other military wives , and how they would welcome someone as liberal and loud as I am . They have welcomed me with open arms and you would be surprised just how many like - minds are in this particular group . I welcome your readership and I am so proud to be a part of your group = ] I hope that if you 're a new Military Wife you can find some helpful information here . It would also seem I have a lot of people finding my blog from searching intensely bizarre things on google and winding up here . " Naked wife looking for skype friend at night while husband is gone " , hm . . " Can anyone else see my naked wife on skype " . . haha ! It 's the internet . Someone might see it . Be careful . " Molly blog Hank dog " I appreciate the rhyming . . . I wonder if that person was trying to get to me ? I don 't care why you 're here , I like that you 're reading . I think bloggers who say they don 't care about how many readers they have are big fat liars . I hope that you stick around ! As you know I have been selling a ton of my stuff on craigslist in order to avoid moving it . Saturday someone was coming over to pick up a tv stand and a rug , I met her outside to avoid having to walk past the rabid kitten , and we went in the entrance to the basement . She was looking at me like she knew me and then suddenly said " You look really familiar . . . are you Molly from the TGIMolly blog ? " . How crazy is that ? I said " Uh , yeah " and she spent the next couple of minutes telling me how she wasn 't a weirdo and one of her friends had shared my blog a few weeks back and she had been obsessively reading all of my posts from the beginning . It was crazy , and I felt like a celebrity . haha . Then I opened the door to upstairs to put my keys on the hook inside the door , and Hank ran downstairs . She said " Hank ! It 's Hank ! " hahaha . Yes I assume all of my readers would recognize my Hank . It was very bizarre . I was very flattered . Hey craigslister ! Sorry I didn 't get your name . I hope the tv stand is working out for you . Anyway , I wanted to thank everyone for reading . I appreciate it greatly = ] More tomorrow , friends ! Someone sent me a link to this AmericanMethod . com bumper sticker this week . Not a big American Method fan , but I do love this sticker . So here 's my week 7 update . I have been a nervous wreck about the flooding this week . I guess it really hit me this week I am going to be legitimately homeless very soon . Well , I 'll have a place to live , but not my own home . I am not excited . So quick update on my Zackery . He is doing so well . He 's happy and swimming at this very moment . At first it was hard for both of us to adjust on how much effort we would have to put into making sure our relationship stayed the same . We talk multiple times a day and we are very , VERY , lucky to have that ability . I switched phone services to be able to text him whenever I want . For a couple who is used to spending most of their lives within a couple of feet of each other , this is a huge transition . When we are together we can go a couple of days just hanging out together and not having a " real " conversation outside of " What should we have for dinner ? " or " did you see that ? " . So , having each other on the phone everyday and finding things to talk about is a change that we had to get used to . A lot of people told us before he left , this could be really great for your relationship , but you 'll really have to work at it . Which sounds like great advice , only no one could elaborate on what exactly that meant . For us it means talking to each other about the little things , we 're finding . Making sure we still feel close to each other . It 's important . I miss him so much . I send him sappy quotes on the regular to try to convey how much I love him and miss him . Because I am really just a dopey - in - love - teenager at heart . He is enjoying his job . We are sort of panicking about our next step / next duty station . But mostly we are doing fantastic . He is doing quite well . He misses our family . It reminds me not to take advantage of spending time with them , even if they do drive me absolutely crazy . I really need to get to Indiana and see our Indi family . I miss them desperately . In just a couple of quick weeks I will be smack dab in the middle of a very exciting weekend of Doula learning = ] I have never been more excited about learning in my entire life . Things are getting exciting . I 've been selling most of the things I own on craigslist , to avoid moving them . I will end up selling all of it anyway when we switch duty stations next year , but it still bums me out . What a random post this is . But , whatever . I guess there just isn 't much to report on this week . Just a bunch of random nonsense . I passed the 15 pounds down mark this week ! That 's pretty exciting . Passed it by quite a bit , actually ! I am so happy . I can 't wait until Zack gets home to see my progress . He is going to be awfully surprised . My mom kept trying to coerce me into walking to get ice cream with her the other day and I said " Mom , just think of how sexy we will be when Zack gets home . " . She doesn 't get it , but we 're going to be uber hot ! This week I discovered Kale Chips , and used my oven ! Watch out Rachel Ray , I can cook a mean Kale Chip . 10 minutes of prep and cooking for a delicious snack at 1 measly Point ? Yes , please . So , I am happy to report we have made it to our 7 weeks downiversary , successfully . A good week is one without much to report I suppose . Today Zack was in not - so - rare form . He called me while he was playing Playstation and he was slightly distracted , and not - so - slightly obnoxious . One of his new Bahrain besties , who he actually knew at Offutt as well , was in the background loudly searching for his cigarettes . I am apparently humorless on this topic , and did not think this was a funny reply . I guess I don 't know what I expected from him . I suppose if I 'd been thinking I would have known this is exactly what he would say . I wasn 't angry but I was giving him a hard time and background friend said " Tell her we 're dating , and that it 's going to be facebook official . " . I knew they were joking but still instantly in my brain I could see all my friends newsfeeds " Molly Williams is no longer Married to Zackery Williams " heart . break . " Zackery Williams is no longer listed as Married " " Zackery is now in a relationship and " it 's complicated " with Obnoxious Friend " . Clearly everyone would know it was a joke . I hope . But in my head I was doing hypothetical damage control . " Zackery ! Don 't you dare ! ! " " Wow , crazy . Calm down . It 's just facebook . I love you . " I tried to explain to Zack , like I have multiple times , how Facebook is not " just facebook " . Facebook , whether he likes it or not , is a huge part of our relationship right now . It 's one of about 4 ways we can communicate and feel close to each other and I don 't find it to be a joking matter at all . " Molly relax , I 'm not going to change my facebook , but it is just facebook . I love you more . . ok ? " He thinks I 'm totally out of my mind . Maybe I 'm uptight , ask me if I care . I have 600 + facebook friends . Tons and tons of people who know my parents , who know my family , who know me , who know everybody . It isn 't just facebook . I don 't know if everyone watched the video I 've previously posted of the guy talking about Military Wives who live for facebook comments from their husbands . We do . I love waking up to " so sweet you 'll get a cavity " comments on facebook from my adorable husband half a world away . This is how facebook becomes a much larger deal to me . I for one can not believe you are in a relationship that you place any value on if you are unwilling to make it " facebook official " . I think that 's shady . And it is . A friend of mine is " facebook officially " married , and I am still not convinced she isn 't in real life . . . Seriously , Cassie , I 'm on to you . I think it 's just about the lowest blow if you Facebook harass your significant other while fighting . I have a friend who 's husband recently changed his profile picture from a picture of the two of them together , to a picture of just him while they were fighting . She was upset . I was upset for her . Let me tell you I would fly to Bahrain if Zack did that . . . Also , I think facebook is a pretty good indicator of a person , if they use it daily . For example , I can tell that you 're 4 + years of college was wasted if you still spell things incorrectly on purpose or add extra letters to perfectly good words . I 'm just saying . Facebook is a big deal . People use it to connect . Employers use it to judge potential employees . Online daters use it to determine whether or not they will be assaulted in a face to face meeting . I have used it to meet my Sister - In - Law 's boyfriend , since they live in another state . At first I was skeptical , because of what I found on his facebook , I won 't lie . But , I have watched their relationship grow into a vomit - inducing level of sweet on facebook . I definitely didn 't know it would be this hard to adjust . It is . But , it is getting easier . I was just telling Zack that today . It 's getting easier to be by myself so much . I miss him , but I can sleep a little more now . I don 't cry myself to sleep every night . There are still some nights when I do . But our sweet Hank is there to squeeze . Lucy is there to . . . attack me . Things aren 't perfect , but they 're getting better . It 's getting to be ok . And I feel terrible about that . I know that 's stupid , and I know Zack doesn 't want me to be sad all the time . Honestly , I don 't want it either . It 's a subconcious thing . If it 's getting easier that must mean that I 'm learning to live without him , and that 's where I 'm not comfortable . I feel guilty . I don 't want to learn to live without him , I don 't want to stop missing him . I wont him to come home . I know it 's stupid and I have to live my own life . I can 't help it . I really wish I didn 't feel that way . But , it is getting easier . I just wish he could come home . I miss him so much . As it turns out not working for as long as I did , first because I didn 't want to , and second so that I could spend time with Zack , is not helping me re - enter the workforce . I 'm not particularly concerned about money , but it would be nice to have some sort of schedule . Good for my mental health , ya feel me ? I am losing weight like it 's my job though , and that is a lot of fun . Even when I 'm feeling absolutely terrible , it still makes me feel good to look at how my clothes are fitting . This week I found a pair of capri 's I meant to return 2 months ago , because when I bought them I didn 't try them on and when I got them home I couldn 't even button them . This time they fit comfortably , even a little loose . After wearing them a couple of hours I definitely needed a belt . Losing weight for me is definitely sort of a psychological experiment . When I eat right , and excercise , I feel good but there is a certain level of anxiety and compulsion that I feel the entire day . If I have a day where I cheat , even a little - were talking one cookie that I count the points for and still stay on my WW plan - , I am far more relaxed . I don 't know what that 's about . I mean I do , I think it 's pretty obvious . When I 'm doing what I 'm supposed to be doing I obsess about it and it 's all I can think about , therefore driving me slightly out of my mind . When I cheat , even if it 's not really cheating , all the pressure of doing everything right is gone . I guess I just need to give myself a break . This whole flood thing is getting totally out of hand . I 'm ready for it to be OVER . I don 't want it to happen , but for goodness sake either do it or don 't ! Everyone is on edge . It 's exhausting . The rumors are obscene . I certainly hope 98 % of them are false . I will say I can 't help but find it rude and insensitive the way the local media is handling the whole situation . " Another small town in Iowa has been devastated by a breach in the levee . Now to Derek for more College World Series news . " Are you joking ? I get it . This area needs the CWS , it makes everybody a lot of money . But if the city officials can say confidently " We are not going to allow the flooding to get to TD Ameritrade Park " why can 't the city officials say " We are not going to allow the flooding to devastate everyone in the flood zones " . Excuse me while my conspiracy theorist comes out , but I think something shady is happening here . There are military trucks , filled with uniformed National Guard , everywhere ! The people in my area , and people MILES from the river , are being informed that we are in a level 1 alert . Level 1 Alert , as indicated by the paper work they gave me , is the threat of an unusual or slowly developing event that may impact a levee system or a flood protection system . So , basically level 1 is them telling us " something is going to happen " . So , why in the world has it not been mentioned ONCE on the news ? ! I can only imagine that it is thousands of people who have been informed , by CITY OFFICIALS , going door to door and no one has said word one about level one . Also , on the paperwork given to me there is a number that you can call to be signed up for a phone call if and when there is an emergency type issue . I can only imagine this is available because they won 't mention it on the news . I called the number Sunday , when I was notified , to sign up . . . angrily . Get this , though . . . they 're not OPEN ON SUNDAYS ! No one is available to answer the phone on Sundays . Let 's all cross our fingers the levee 's work extra hard on Sundays . I just called them again ( written Monday ) , to get signed up and the lady said " If you have internet , you could just sign up online . " . Well color me foolish , I suppose I could have read that in the paperwork . . . only that IS NOT IN ANY OF THE PAPERWORK ? ! I hate to complain , I know they have tough jobs , but I feel like this situation is not being handled well by our city officials . The lady was like " I know it 's not on any of the information being given out . I don 't know why it 's not on any of those papers . " . Me either , lady . Me either . Other than my obvious distaste for this situation , I am doing better . I do miss my husband like crazy . I love him so much , and I think this situation would be much easier if he was here . But , I am learning to be strong . I am learning to kick this deployments ass one day at a time . One week at a time . One month at a time . Next thing you know all of this will be a bad memory and Zack and I will live happily ever after on top of a hill hundreds of miles from any water source : ] I need these shoes boys and girls . I need them . I don 't know when I became the kind of person who feels guilty spending a large amount of money , but it happened at some point . These puppies are 90 dollars . I 'm sure if they were pretty shoes , heels or pretty flats or something , I would have no problem dropping that kind of cash on them . But they 're just trainers , and I will only wear them to workout . Actually that 's really 90 % of the reason I leave my soggy house nowadays , maybe I need to just suck it up and make the investment . Why do I need these Lunarfly + 2 shoes ? Because my feet are a sore and miserable mess . It 's really awful . I won 't go into detail , but trust me . . . It 's horrifying . Also these shoes are nike + ready . Nike + is the most amazing technology . What will happen is I 'll put that cute little sensor in the predetermined location inside of my cute new Lunarfly 's and tell my iPhone ( not ipod ) I 'm getting my workout on . Then my iPhone talks to my SHOE ? ! It knows how far we go , it knows how fast we go , and how hard we were working ( me and my shoes ) . It will tell me how many calories I 've lost and let me listen to a playlist of my favorite workout songs and end my workout with my " PowerSong " for motivation . Also , apparently , if I sync my nike + system with my facebook account , it will tell my facebook friends when I 'm about to start a workout . Then if my friends " like " that I 'm working out , my phone gets the notification and I hear applause with my music . Kind of cheesy , but I love cheesy . I need those items . Lunarfly 's and the nike + iPhone system . Contact me for my PayPal information if you would like to make a donation . . . in the interest of my health , and the health of my poor , poor feet . I 'm going crazy , and my mother and my cousin are driving me there . My Mom can 't understand why I don 't just wear a pair of her shoes , that are 2 sizes too big ( and hideous ) and completely flat on the bottom . I have humungously high arches , and I 'm a pain in the ass and I like to wear shoes that fit . And aren 't hideous . My cousin can 't understand why I don 't just buy a pair of payless tennis shoes . Well , because my feet already hurt . I 'm not trying to wear hard plastic , 12 pound , torture devices on my already bruised and battered feet . They mean well . I am off to do more packing , and more bothering my husband from a world away . I hope you all have a fantastic Monday ! Tomorrow is our 6 Weeks Downiversary , and my next weigh in ! Get excited , readers ! I know I am ! ! I really thought he would look naked . I was told since he has pink skin he would have to be sunscreened efficiently everytime he went outside . Except his hair is stupidly thick . It has been since he was an adorable baby puppy . He is also just unbelievably cute , as you saw last week with my Hank filled post . I should have known he would remain that way even naked . . . Really , you can barely tell . You can 't even tell he has pink skin . The lady who shaved him said she couldn 't believe how much hair came off of him . Ha , tell me about it . He 's adorable . He just looks skinny now . Speaking of that , he 's not NEARLY as overweight as everyone was telling me he was . I knew it . He 's much cooler now = ] Weiner resigning is such a bummer . One because I find the irony of his name , and this situation , so fantastically hilarious . But mainly because I don 't think a little cell phone nudity warrants this type of outrage . Let he or she who has never taken a naked cell phone picture cast the first stone . I sympathize with Weiner because one drunken evening a couple of years ago I accidentally uploaded a topless picture to facebook . It could happen to anyone . Cell phones are confusing , people . I guess I just don 't think it 's that big of a deal . I think the people yelling at him during his resignation are complete douche bags . If you think sending a hot ( of age ) chick a picture of your junk makes you a " sick pervert " I invite you to happily live silently the rest of your life . You don 't deserve to speak . The guy who yelled " The people demand to know ! Are you more than 7 inches ? ! " cracked me up however . If you gotta yell , I 'm glad that 's what you picked . The lunatics yelling " you sick pervert " at him thought they should yell and make it clear " that guy 's not with us ! kick him out ! " . Hahaha . No , dude . He 's with you . On the crazy bus . Barbara Walters has seen the uncensored picture of his . . . manhood . . . and she said it was " impressive " on The View . I guess we don 't know how many men Babs has seen naked , but I bet its enough to recognize an impressive peep . He 's just proud . I don 't know . Maybe I 'm missing something . He didn 't touch anyone . None of the girls he sent pictures to were underage . Hank is currently at the groomer . I should be cleaning the dog hair out of my car and grooming myself , because I 'm babysitting for a friend of Zack 's this evening . I am not , of course . I will wait until minutes before I have to leave , I 'm sure . It 's just that this Shania Twain rerun on Oprah is so captivating . I can 't seem to pull myself away . When she said after her husband cheated on her , and they were getting divorced , that she was freezing and the only thing that could make her stop shaking was to be chin - deep in a steaming hot bubble bath . That 's me . When I 'm super sad , scared , or anxious , I 'm suddenly FREEZING and shakey . I get that . I get her . I talked to Zack a lot today . I really needed him to tell me Hank was going to be alright at the groomer , because I 'm a little bit of a lunatic . If he tells me he is ok , I feel like it must be true . He is off work for the next couple days and is spending his time playing video games with his new bestie David . I like David , he seems very interesting . Most importantly Zack likes David , they seem to get along quite well . Well , I should shower . It 's hot as could be outside and it 's important I shower before I go to babysit . I 'm really looking forward to babysitting = ] Have a great night everyone , I encourage all of you to send naked cell phone pictures to your significant others , and not twitter . Especially if you are a politician . Be looking for a " Hank 's New ' Do " Post in the near future ! XOXOX I went to walmart today . I am not a fan of walmart . I like to get in and get out . As fast as possible . Today I saw someone at walmart I know vaguely from high school and facebook . She stopped me . Not a polite smile , not a wave , she stopped me . I didn 't like where this was going , but I was polite . This person told me she had just found out she was pregnant , again . I went through my mental roll - o - dex to check the facts . Did I know this already ? If it was on facebook , surely I would have seen it . Nope , I didn 't know . How many kids does she already have ? 2 . Isn 't she always complaining about them and how her boyfriend is physically and verbally abusive on facebook ? Oh , yes . This is why I didn 't know this person was pregnant , she is facebook hidden . I love hiding people . I don 't have to worry about their children if I don 't have to read about how they 're " guna get a whoopin if they don 't stop bein NOTTY " ( actual status of this person ) . Do you ever have the sudden urge to tell someone you barely know that you would be happy to adopt their unborn child ? Just me ? Well , whatever . I hurried from the conversation . She offered nothing else . She was excited for the baby and " kicked out that liar " who I assumed was the abusive boyfriend . I 'll pray for them and hope for the best . After my encounter with the reason I rarely shop where I might see someone I know , I continued with my shopping . Let me precede the next story with this fact , I love red grapes . Green ones are sour and gross and I don 't know why people would choose them over red . For example , one time things were moving slowly at the zoo and we were stuck with 100 other sweaty stinky people waddling through that hot dark tunnel in the rainforest . My mom was freaking out . When out of nowhere this perfectly nice mentally handicapped gentleman started shouting " ALRIGHT , HURRY UP ! I ' M GONNA FREAKOUT ! I ' M CLAUSTROPHOBIC ! I ' M HOT ! HURRY UP ! " . My mom said he was speaking her inner monologue . Today walmart was out of crunchy delicious red grapes . I was disappointed . This day was not going well . When suddenly , I had to check to make sure I still had a hold on things , was that me yelling ? I turned around to find this meth head SCREAMING at an employee " WHY ARE THERE NEVER ANY RED GRAPES ? ! I NEED THEM . I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER ! I NEED THE EXPLETIVE RED GRAPES ! EVERY TIME I ' M HERE YOU EXPLETIVES ARE OUT OF THEM ! " . I was cracking up . I wanted to say " Yeah , I 'm with crazy ! Where are the expletive red grapes ? " But I didn 't . I grabbed a bag of icky green ones and I shuffled away trying not to laugh . Tomorrow my little Hank is having his hair shaved ! I am nervous , but this place is a lot nicer and therefore less stressful for me . I am finding that he is less stressed if he is tired , and the place he 's getting groomed at is about 23 blocks from our house , which is what I 've been walking with him . So I 'm going to drive my car down there and leave it . Then walk home , get Hank and walk him back to the groomer . That way he is tired and it will be less stressful for him to be groomed . He 's been sort of achey after we walk . He 's good the next day , but for the day after we walk he has a hard time getting up after he is laying down . It 's still easy for him to run around the yard with the neighbors dog , but getting up from a nap is rough . I guess I need to make an appointment with his vet to make sure walking him isn 't detrimental . My google vet skills say it 's just because he 's out of shape , and that he will get used to it and be ok . That this is good for him . It 's still hard to see him sore . I supposed I 'll buy a supplement . He 's only 5 . I 'm excited to post pictures of his new ' do ! I 'm sure it will be comical if nothing else . Welp I suppose that 's all for today boys and girls . We have been taking long walks everyday now for the passed 4 days , and I am so serious that this is a new healthy habit we are doing from this point forward . I know 4 days doesn 't seem like much , but it really is . Considering our previous level of activity . The other day , Hank had a vet appointment to get a shot so that he is good to be groomed on Thursday . At the last minute I decided to cancel the appointment at our regular vet , and reschedule at a vet about 11 blocks from our house , since it was just a shot . I know that doesn 't sound like that big of a deal , but it is . There are a couple of things you should understand to really get the enormity of the situation . Also , I feel like enormity is a word , but honestly it might not be . Anyway . No one in my town , and especially my neighborhood , walks ANYWHERE if they have a car . Poor people and those under 16 walk , and everyone else drives . I have a brand new beautiful car , so I always drive . I love to drive . I have wrote before , here and on facebook , about how nothing feels quite as relaxing and amazing as driving on a sunny day with cute sunglasses on , with the windows down , music up , and Hank in my passenger seat . Except maybe if Zack were in the car also . Another reason this is a huge step , and a big deal , is because Hank and I have previous trauma walking in our neighborhood . Hank was attacked once while Haley and I walked him and we were both totally horrified . These 2 dogs came out from behind a bush and totally mauled him . He just stood there . Scared to death . While Haley held the leash , and made a weird scared - Haley noise . I put my entire body between Hank and the bigger dog , and Ceasar Milan - ed the SHIT out of that little bastard . Finally the owner of the rabid beasts ( one of which weighed no more than 25 pounds ) came to our rescue . I was horrified when he kicked the big dog in the ribs and threw the little one ( literally ) inside the house . He checked to make sure Hank was ok , and that was nice of him , but clearly he was too stupid to keep his stupid children from letting his stupid dogs outside . There are a lot of stupid people in my neighborhood , so needless to say , Hank and I have aversions to walking here . Also , there was a time in my life where my apartment complex was literally RIGHT NEXT to my place of business , and I chose to drive . At that time I had a less exciting car too . One night , because I was dating a moron , my car was towed for being parked illegally , and I missed work because I " had no ride " . I was super skinny then ( even if I thought I was a massive beast ) and in shape enough that I could have walked NEXT DOOR without a problem . But , it just never occured to me . The problem with this has been that I do not have any shoes that are comfortable for long distance walking . Honestly I only own like 3 pairs of shoes that aren 't heels or flip flops , and they are super fancy flats . So , my blisters have blisters . So next on my agenda is super spectacular new Nike 's and getting Hank some joint supplements . He gets all limpy and stiff when we get home . He 's only 5 . This week has sailed along quite smoothly . So smoothly in fact I have very little to update everyone on this week . As you may have read , we have officially passed our ONE MONTH DOWNIVERSARY ! Which is very exciting . That means we only have 11 tiny months left . You may notice I 've changed the " weekly count " tab to the " Downiversary " tab , because I made up that word in the middle of the night last night , and I think it 's more exciting to celebrate having a week down , instead of mark it . So HAPPY 5 WEEKS DOWNIVERSARY everybody ! We have a measily 47 or 48 weeks left until I am wrapped in my husbands arms forever . I will share with you , that this week of my weight loss journey I have discovered that there is no motivation like hearing the people you love tell you they are proud of you . After today 's weigh in ( where I lost over 5 pounds ) I am feeling high as a kite . Literally euphoric ! It feels so good to hear others tell me that they are proud of me , but ya know what ? I am super proud of myself . I am getting healthy . I am getting Hank healthy , and even though he is not a fan yet , we walk everyday now ! Today I am rewarding hitting my first big mini - goal of 5 % of my weight lost ( ! ! ! ) by buying myself . . . well , technically Zack 's buying myself . . . a new pair of tennis shoes ! My blisters have blisters , and I think it 's time . I am so excited . Thank you Zackery ! You may have noticed an additional tab on my blog celebrating my weight loss accomplishments . I added that to keep myself accountable to all of you as well . I 'm a lot less likely to give up or gain weight if I have to tell all of you ! So , I 'm off to buy shoes ! A month of barely sleeping . A month of never being more than 2 feet away from my phone . A month of missing my husband with my whole heart . Let me tell you something super sappy i 've learned . I 've learned that I am absolutely crazy about my husband . I love him more than I even knew before he left , and even then people were annoyed by how much we loved each other . Like that song " I thought I loved you then " , I know that 's totally cheesy , but seriously . It is so true . The day I married Zack I remember thinking " This is the best day . My heart is so full of love for this man . I have never felt anything like this before . This is it . This love is what everyone looks for . " Then on our one month anniversary I thought , " This is the love everyone looks for , I can 't believe how much more I love him than I did just a month ago . My heart is so full . I am so happy . " Then on our one year anniversary , just a little over a month ago , fearing this deployment could damage our relationship , I made a mental note " Molly , remember how much you love your husband at this moment . Your heart is so full . You are so blissfully happy . You are so lucky . This love , is unlike anything I 've ever felt before . Never let your love for him be any less than it is at this very moment . He loves you so much . You are so lucky . " . Little did I know . . . Then here we are today . One month since he left . One year , one month , and 3 days since we got married . I am so overwhelmed with how much I feel for Zack . I can 't believe how speaking to him changes my mood and my day . I can 't believe the way my body physically aches to be close to him . It 's amazing to me that even with everything going on and all the things that suck about this I can still step back , even if just for a moment , and realize how lucky I am to have a love like ours . I know , sappy Sally . But , seriously , I can 't get over it . I 'm so in love with my husband . I never thought I would be one of those women who is this proud of their husband . I am one of those people who has I Love My Sailor magnets on their car . I search the internet for the most perfect custom " Proud Navy Wife " decal for my brand new car . I want to shake the hands of random service members , they feel like brothers of my husband . I want to hug their wives , and tell them how strong and amazing they are . All because I am so over - the - top in love with , and proud of , my husband . I will work really hard to remember how this feels . How it feels right now to be sitting in our house by myself while he sleeps thousands of miles away . I 'll remember and work hard to never take a moment with him for granted . I can 't wait to appreciate his dirty socks everywhere . Of course I 've learned a lot since he left about us , and communicating , and our relationship . What 's important to tell him and what isn 't . But we 're getting the hang of it . Even though it is totally suckful , we 're going to get through this . We are lucky and blessed . Hank desperately needs to be groomed . He sheds year round enough to drive any pet owner completely out of their mind . And twice a year he " blows coat " which isn 't what you think . . . gross . . . he basically molts . HUGE handfuls of hair just fall off of his body . It 's disgusting . I however , love him so much I barely notice until someone else says something or I 'm wearing something nice , and black . Hank has been through a lot with me . He was a gift from my ex , and one of the only good things that came from that relationship . He was with me when I was embarassed because everyone was talking , before and after the break up . He was with me at my parents house between houses , when I cried myself to sleep , because I wasted so much time . He sat with me in the bathroom all the nights Haley lived with me , when I was too drunk to make it to my bedroom . He met and vetted lots of guys before Zack . He has been there through all the big moments of my life the last 5 years , the most important of which was meeting and falling in love with my sweet Zackery . He was my first clue Zack was the one for us . Zack loves Hank . He picked up Hank poop in the front yard , he loved Hank and played with him , and most of all he rarely - if ever - complained about the ridiculous amounts of Hank hair . But also , it turned out , Zack and Hank were already related . When I got Hank , he was a sweet little 10 pound ball of white fur . The cutest little puppy I 've ever seen . I am struggling to find a puppy picture , but I 'll put one up eventually . He was silent and slept for the first 48 hours after we brought him home from the pound . I named him Hank because I love country music and I like people names for dogs . So we named him Hank after Hank Williams . Which makes it fun to call and make appointments for Hank Williams . People always laugh and think I 'm one of those people who names their dog a name like that since Williams is my last name . I 'm not . He had my last name for 4 years , first . But it 's still pretty funny . Anyway . Hank is my favorite . I love him so much . I would never ever put him in a situation we were not both 100 % confident about . He loves Barb 's Best Friends doggy daycare , and he 's very social . He hates the vet , but it 's a necessity , and I would never ever leave him there without me . I want him to feel confident that I will keep him safe , because he has helped me get through some pretty terrible parts of my life , and I owe that to him . Hank is more than my dog , he is my friend , and he is my baby . I am that girl . Hank loves the water , so in the past when he has just been bathed at the groomer I am confident that he isn 't scared , and I feel like I can leave him there . He loves people , and anytime people are paying attention to him he 's happy as could be . Here 's Hank loving Haley after a dip in Manawa This time was different , because our house is in the flood zone , and we are more than likely going to have to move in with my parents for at least a little while . Since my parents think that sheddy dogs live outside , and Hank and I have a very different opinion on the subject , I decided that I would get him shaved into the lion cut this year so that he can habitate the indoors right by my side where he belongs . Plus he has terrible allergies and someone suggested that the cut might help him to attract less allergens . . . I 'm not sure about that but I 'm willing to give it a try . Also , It 's hot as the sun where we live in the summer , and he gets miserable unless he is in the lake . So even though he has a beautiful , double coat , I decided it was our only option . Even though I was feeling a lot of guilt about it . Look how cute that baby is ? ! So here we are today . I made an appointment a couple of days ago at the one place that wasn 't going to charge us $ 80 . 00 or more . Today at 11 was his appointment , and we got there about 10 : 55 . As we drove up I was immediately concerned . The building was a house . In a completely residential area , and it was not a very nice house , I could tell from the outside . There were kennels outside because the place is a doggy daycare also , which is concerning since to be groomed there they do not require the Kennel Cough Vaccine . There was a sign outside that said " Puppies For Sale In July " and nothing makes me angrier than people breeding puppies for cash when the shelters are FULL . Hank and I parked and walked towards the house . He was stoked . He loves to visit people , he 's always excited . As soon as I opened the door to their screened in porch , the stench of cigarette smoke hit me . Super professional . What did I expect ? Despite my better judgement we kept walking in and as soon as Hank smelled the entry rug ( which probably smelled like nervous animals ) he immediately got nervous and his ears went down and he hunched as close to the ground as possible . He trusts me though , and he kept walking in with me . Hank and I have went to parties at much grosser places . The receptionist greeted us and made a Hank Williams joke , as she would . I gave her Hanks shot records and out of nowhere , this LOUD and seemingly vicious dog bark came out of the back of the house . Hank bolted for the door . He is a lover not a fighter . He was scared , and all I could think of was he really needs his haircut . . . he really needs it , and I 'll wait outside in my car the 3 hours it takes , I 'll pick him up as soon as he 's done . This will be fine . He 's ok . He was not ok . After a minute we walked to the back of the house to put him in a pin to wait for his turn to be groomed . There were several dogs pinned in the back for " day care " ( Barbs Best Friends is doggy daycare , not pins ) and the receptionist slid a plastic tray under a big pin RIGHT NEXT to the dog who was WIGGING OUT . Hank was not having it . He kept looking at me like " Are you on drugs ? You must be on drugs . " He was so scared . I have terrible guilt for not leaving right then . The other dog was banging against the side of her pin trying to get to Hank . I forgot to mention , I also had a very rough , scream at the top of your lungs " I WANT MY HUSBAND BACK " , type of night , and I was exhausted and as such very emotional . So , I started to cry . Not sobbing , but like sad movie crying . Silent crying , but there were definitely tears . The receptionist sort of paniced at this point . She could tell we were both pretty distressed ( haha ) . What she did next though , made me go put Hank back in the car . Hank is a German Shepherd mix . Anyone who works with dogs knows that particular breed frequently have hip joint issues , and Hank definitely does . This bitch got on her knees , leaned forward and grabbed my BABY by his front legs and tried to pull him into the pin . I , terrets style , loudly blurted out " STOP ! " and yanked the leash away from her and started walking towards the door . No one manhandles my baby . I was trying to continue to be nice , because I knew if I lost my temper the police were likely to attend our consultation . My rage , however , was boiling to that point and I felt like it was probably time to rush out of there . She said she would reschedule me an appointment when there would be less dogs in there , and I smiled politely and walked to my car . Where I sat and hugged my Hank and apologized over and over . Poor dude . I drove him to another groomer , where my mom takes her dog , that was more expensive ( still not terrible ) but someone I trust and took Hank in to make an appointment . Like I should have done the first time . I 'm a loser . He 's going next week , and I will let all of you know how that goes . In the mean time if you live in this area , and need a fun and safe place to take your dog for daycare or boarding stick with Barb 's Best friends . I told the other groomer how horrified I was by the whole experience and they promised me they would be good to him and I could stay the whole time if I wanted . Hank even liked being in the building and was excited to see all of the other dogs casually walking around in there . So , I am feeling like the worlds worst dog mom . I took Hank to McDonalds to get him chicken nuggets and an ice cream cone . He was still nervous and his usually perky adorable ears were still glued to the side of his head , but I feel like he is going to forgive me . It was quite the experience . Already both of my parents have given me a hard time about being too protective , even though my Mom never would have left her dog there . The thing is , I 'm certain Hank would have had a heart attack if I had left him at that place , and I just couldn 't do it . Zack got it . The animal lovers who read this will get it . Anyone who has ever seen me with Hank will at least not be surprised . Sigh . I did the right thing . Anyway , on today 's agenda we have brush Hank until he wont allow me to anymore , and pack more of our stuff . I know that was long folks , I was venting . Thanks for reading = ] Considering my house is more than likely going to be under 3 to 4 feet of standing water by the end of the month , and I am being forced to pack all of my most important worldly belongings . I am feeling confident that I 'm going to be able to get out all of the things that really matter to Zack and I , as well as most of the stuff that doesn 't . If my house is unlivable , which it will obviously be if it floods even a little , I have a place to go that I can take my Hank and Lucy , and all of our stuff , for free . Which is exciting since I will still get my housing allowance , and I will have enough money to replace any necessities that I may not move . However , I am super excited because today was my second weigh in with Weight Watchers . I have officially been on " the plan " for 2 full weeks and I have already lost 7 . 4 pounds ! Woot ! I received my 5 pound weight loss milestone today and I am thrilled . I have also lost multiple inches . I am elated . I can 't believe how easy this is . I can 't believe how close I am to my first goal , it is insane . At this rate I will reach my goal weight well before Zack gets home . I just need to stay motivated , and I really don 't think that 's going to be a problem . I know 7 . 4 pounds doesn 't seem like much in 2 weeks , but this isn 't really a diet , it 's the way I will learn to eat for the rest of my life . People on weight watchers generally lose 1 to 2 pounds a week . I have a total of 50 weeks since I started Weight Watchers to the time Zack gets home , 1 or 2 pounds a week works pretty perfectly since I 'm not trying to lose 100 pounds . That was exactly what I needed to get me out of my funk . I have been pretty sad lately . But today I feel good . Even though I still miss Zackery like crazy . I HATE packing and moving though . I have always hated it . It always feels messy and unorganized . So in that arena , I could definitely use some motivation . It is not fun . I 'm being told if it floods even a little bit they will shut off the power to our area . Since it is almost a certainty that it will flood at least a little bit I feel like I should start moving my stuff as soon as possible so that I don 't end up moving stuff , especially big stuff , from my house in the 10 zillion degree heat . Because the heat here is not playing around . It is as hot here this week as it is in Bahrain . It 's insane . Anyone who has ever moved or helped someone move , knows that the only thing worse than moving someone in the middle of the subzero temp winter , is moving someone in the middle of the my skin is cooking temps in the summer . So , It 's sort of a hurry up and wait game now . Good thing I 'm so used to that . So , there 's that . I want to briefly mention to all of you how bummed I was this morning , however . WAIT ! It 's not what you think . This morning I wanted to donate Lucy 's old litter box to the animal shelter , because I just got a sweet new one that requires minimal poop touching . I got there a little early and while I was sitting in the parking lot I saw a family , with their 2 small children in the car , bringing their cat and kittens to be dropped off . It is kitten season and the shelter is PACKED with homeless cats and kittens . If you bring your cat in with it 's kittens right now you should feel confident that at least half of them will not make it out . They 're just too full . So don 't be an ass and take your cat and kittens to the shelter . Spay and Neuter your animals , first and foremost . But if you 're too lazy and irresponsible to do that , at the very least , it is your responsibility to take care of your family pets offspring , and make sure they all have loving and responsible homes to go to . How can someone take their pet to the pound like they 're returning a library book ? I can 't understand it . Lucy is psychotic . She is rarSo don 't be stupid . It breaks my heart . I 'm happy for the wives who aren 't really bothered by being alone , I really don 't judge them . I 'm actually jealous . This week I am mostly sad . Some days I think it 's getting much easier , but today , I think it 's much harder and the wound of my husband having to spend a year elsewhere is still pretty fresh . This week I finally kicked that stupid Thunderbolt cell phone ( that 's right , turns out I hate it ) and Verizon , to the curb . I got a new iphone4 with AT & T and now I can TEXT Zack . It 's the best thing that 's happened for our relationship since he left . I feel closer to him . Which is probably why this last few days have been so difficult , because I feel closer to him but he is still so , so , far away . I literally can 't explain to you what I would do to see him right now , and be able to touch him . I promise you it 's way more exciting , and explicit , than what I would do for a Klondike bar . Yep . I 'm going crazy . Also , I miss my Grandma . A lot . She 's in Florida right now , and I really want her to come home . To her house . Before I get the hate mail , I know how lucky I am that my husband isn 't in Afghanistan or somewhere where I have to worry about how dangerous it is . I know I am super blessed to be able to talk to him and text him , sometimes even skype him . I guess I 'm just a whiner , ok ? I miss him so much . There 's nothing I can do . So I 'm complaining . Because it 's late at night , and I miss my husband . I don 't want to spend my 27th night in bed with Hank and Lucy , and no Zack . Tonight , It 's weighing heavy on my heart that I have at least 342 more nights alone . Sometimes that happens . More than likely I will wake up in the morning and feel good , like I can deal with all the absolute nonsense happening here , by myself . But tonight , I miss my partner . I miss Zack . However , know that every day I 'm thinking about the families not as lucky as ours . I hate that there are wives , girlfriends and families , who don 't get to communicate with their loved ones . I am thinking about you . I am sorry . You are a stronger person than I am . Twin Mama Extrordinaire . Wife to a man who loves me . I am the most blessed woman on the planet . Anxiety ridden but forever grateful . Breastfeeder . Baby wearer . Intactivist . Liberal . Bleeding heart . I am working really hard to not judge anyone doing their best , as a practice . Except Trump supporters . View my complete profile I was wonderin ' if after all these years you 'd like to read . . Remember ? I used to write things here and then I had babies and a . . . Today marks 27 weeks gestation ! We 've had a few preterm labor scares and every single week is a huge victory ! At 25 weeks and 3 days we . . . |
Posted on September 30 , 2011 by life is a bowl of kibble under Everything else in - between Sorry for no updates . I am with my dad at the hospital . He is not doing well . The only communication i have is an iPhone . I am still reading your post . In fact , it keeps my mind off bad things . Promise to update soon . Posted on September 26 , 2011 by life is a bowl of kibble under aMusing Monday 's I love those scented softsoap shower gels . Not only does it make your skin feel great , they can make bubbles for miles in a jetted tub ; and they have an aromatherapy effect that can rival any spa . Really , I can 't say enough about them . Tonight I needed a memory to kick in so I could stop fretting about what to write for the blog . It seems there are two sure fire ways to get my mind in gear and that is a snow storm or a warm bubble bath …… . . The bathroom had a heavenly aroma of cucumber with melon and pomegranate oil . The bubbles were at least 18 inches high . The dogs opted out of the bath time show tonight so there were no worrisome whines to get in the tub with me . Nothing at all to cloud the mind . ( insert cricket sounds here … no really you need to make the sound ) I could not get my head in the game . My mind was blank . It was not long before my eyes came to a rest on the faucet to the tub . I got to thinking about those old television shows and movies . You know , the ones with the hot chickie in the tub and she has her toe stuck in the faucet . How in the world does a real person get their toe stuck in such a large opening ? And so starts the stupidity of it all . It entered my mind that if this were Myth Busters ( a TV show about science ) , they would keep trying until they proved it to be plausible or busted . At that moment , I decided to really give this as much effort as Jamie or Adam would have given it on their show . I schooched down a little bit to get a better angle and poked it back in . I wiggled down more and crammed my toe way in there and left it . It started to feel like it was going to work . I left it for a few minutes longer , then it hit me . If my toe really does get stuck , my husband is going to have to help me get out of it . The first 10 years we were married he thought I was one of the smartest women alive . ( I … am was a fantastic actress ) In the last ten years he has changed his mind . It appears he might be right because the next thing I do is pull my toe and it 's stuck . No problem , I will just relax and it will fall out . NOT . I laid there thinking about this situation I got myself into . I think , maybe it is like Chinese handcuffs . So I push it in further ! Yeah , not like Chinese handcuffs . It now hits me I am really STUCK . I can 't call my husband I just can 't ! I decide to stand up . That in itself was a little bizarre . Arms and legs flailing in the air trying to stand with one foot stuck and soap bubbles everywhere . Finally , I found myself standing but I was at a loss as to what to do . I thought maybe if I can twist the faucet upward , then I could pour some of that Pomegranate oil in the space between my toe and the metal . To get it facing upward , I had to turn toward the back wall . This was both good and bad . I could now reach the oil at the back of the tub but I found myself in an awkward position when I tried to apply it to the hole . I finally figured it out , poured it in and waited . About that time , the dogs started frantically scratching the door trying to get in . I guess all the splashing to stand up gave them some cause for alarm . I had to calm them down but I couldn 't get to the door to let them in . What to do ? Someone was going to hear them and come to find out what all the panic was about . Two minutes into their frenzy , I hear tippy tappy , tippy tappy , footsteps are coming my way . A feeling of dredge over came me with every approaching foot step . I start pulling with all my might to get my toe out . The sound was getting louder and heavier . It went from tippy tappy , tippy tappy , to thump tap , thump tap of dead weight . It was a walk of purpose . A forceful walk on a mission . OMGosh , it was my husband ! NO , NO , NO . Terror starts to over take me . It was all I could do not to pee myself and then … time slowed ddd ooo www nnn . I started seeing things in slow - mo and could barely hear the approaching doom . In true Macgruber style , I grabbed the belt to my robe slid it under my ankle and gave it a yank to end all yanks . Power that I have not felt since I was a young adult overcame me . And just as the door knob starts to turn , out it pops and down I go . The dogs rush in frantic and panting . My mind regains its focus and I scrambled to grab my robe when all of a sudden the door closes . I never saw a face . Who ever it was did not even bother to poke their head in . I put my robe on and poked my head out just in time to see my daughter turning the corner and hear her mumble that she was tired of hearing the dogs beg for me day in and day out . " Why do I have to DO everything ? " she said as she turned out of sight . I have to say this experiment proved VERY pausible ! I will never try that again ! Now , after telling you all this , I feel I need to get in there and do something smart in front of my husband ! Posted on September 26 , 2011 by life is a bowl of kibble under aMusing Monday 's I love those scented softsoap shower gels . Not only does it make your skin feel great , they can make bubbles for miles in a jetted tub ; and they have an aromatherapy effect that can rival any spa . Really , I can 't say enough about them . Tonight I needed a memory to kick in so I could stop fretting about what to write for the blog . It seems there are two sure fire ways to get my mind in gear and that is a snow storm or a warm bubble bath …… . . The bathroom had a heavenly aroma of cucumber with melon and pomegranate oil . The bubbles were at least 18 inches high . The dogs opted out of the bath time show tonight so there were no worrisome whines to get in the tub with me . Nothing at all to cloud the mind . ( insert cricket sounds here … no really you need to make the sound ) I could not get my head in the game . My mind was blank . It was not long before my eyes came to a rest on the faucet to the tub . I got to thinking about those old television shows and movies . You know , the ones with the hot chickie in the tub and she has her toe stuck in the faucet . How in the world does a real person get their toe stuck in such a large opening ? And so starts the stupidity of it all . It entered my mind that if this were Myth Busters ( a TV show about science ) , they would keep trying until they proved it to be plausible or busted . At that moment , I decided to really give this as much effort as Jamie or Adam would have given it on their show . I schooched down a little bit to get a better angle and poked it back in . I wiggled down more and crammed my toe way in there and left it . It started to feel like it was going to work . I left it for a few minutes longer , then it hit me . If my toe really does get stuck , my husband is going to have to help me get out of it . The first 10 years we were married he thought I was one of the smartest women alive . ( I … am was a fantastic actress ) In the last ten years he has changed his mind . It appears he might be right because the next thing I do is pull my toe and it 's stuck . No problem , I will just relax and it will fall out . NOT . I laid there thinking about this situation I got myself into . I think , maybe it is like Chinese handcuffs . So I push it in further ! Yeah , not like Chinese handcuffs . It now hits me I am really STUCK . I can 't call my husband I just can 't ! I decide to stand up . That in itself was a little bizarre . Arms and legs flailing in the air trying to stand with one foot stuck and soap bubbles everywhere . Finally , I found myself standing but I was at a loss as to what to do . I thought maybe if I can twist the faucet upward , then I could pour some of that Pomegranate oil in the space between my toe and the metal . To get it facing upward , I had to turn toward the back wall . This was both good and bad . I could now reach the oil at the back of the tub but I found myself in an awkward position when I tried to apply it to the hole . I finally figured it out , poured it in and waited . About that time , the dogs started frantically scratching the door trying to get in . I guess all the splashing to stand up gave them some cause for alarm . I had to calm them down but I couldn 't get to the door to let them in . What to do ? Someone was going to hear them and come to find out what all the panic was about . Two minutes into their frenzy , I hear tippy tappy , tippy tappy , footsteps are coming my way . A feeling of dredge over came me with every approaching foot step . I start pulling with all my might to get my toe out . The sound was getting louder and heavier . It went from tippy tappy , tippy tappy , to thump tap , thump tap of dead weight . It was a walk of purpose . A forceful walk on a mission . OMGosh , it was my husband ! NO , NO , NO . Terror starts to over take me . It was all I could do not to pee myself and then … time slowed ddd ooo www nnn . I started seeing things in slow - mo and could barely hear the approaching doom . In true Macgruber style , I grabbed the belt to my robe slid it under my ankle and gave it a yank to end all yanks . Power that I have not felt since I was a young adult overcame me . And just as the door knob starts to turn , out it pops and down I go . The dogs rush in frantic and panting . My mind regains its focus and I scrambled to grab my robe when all of a sudden the door closes . I never saw a face . Who ever it was did not even bother to poke their head in . I put my robe on and poked my head out just in time to see my daughter turning the corner and hear her mumble that she was tired of hearing the dogs beg for me day in and day out . " Why do I have to DO everything ? " she said as she turned out of sight . I have to say this experiment proved VERY pausible ! I will never try that again ! Now , after telling you all this , I feel I need to get in there and do something smart in front of my husband ! Posted on September 23 , 2011 by life is a bowl of kibble under Everything else in - between , humor , Uncategorized Country Man 's Wife 's blog is so good this week and she added a little something at the bottom . Two of her favorite blogger . I fell in love with one and am eagerly awaiting the next post . She 's a Maineiac . Her post also gave me an idea for a post of my own . And without further adieu : The Maineiac made a " vlog " today . For all us old farts , a " vlog " is a video blog . I wish I were as brave as she . Maineiac wondered about other people she interacted with on the computer . Were they tall or short ? What do they look like ? Do they talk with hands , eyes , feet or with an accent ? She got right on there and I was mesmerized . I am not sure why . Was it because the concept was so new and just so simple or was it the way she talked with her eyes ? Not sure . A person 's accent . hmmm . She talked a lot about it . It got me to thinking about mine . I live in the state of New Mexico . But that has not always been the case . I am a southern girl born and raised . No really , southern . I am way south , deep southern with an accent to match . After a glass of wine , you can 't even understand a word I say . Not due to being inebriated , it is more like being relaxed . At that point , my accent becomes a cross between southern fried ( and I mean fried ) meets creole seasonin ' ( I 'm talkin ' gator hunters ) . No offense intended , I have the deepest respect for fried chicken and gators . Hubs has come to understand my accent and translates most of the time for me when we are at parties , Navy Balls and family get togethers . If it is too far out there even for him , he just reads my face . Because not only is he an interpreter for the southern dialect he can also read facial expression , of which I have many . I also have an infliction of sorts . Whenever I am around folks that have a different accent or a peculiar mannerism , I tend to mirror it back . NO I am not making fun of them at all . I just copy what I see and hear . I can 't help it . It only last for a little while after the encounter with that person and when ever I recant the conversation in my mind . I don 't even know that I am doing it . My husband and daughter hate it . If we are at Wal - Mart and someone with an accent strikes up a conversation , they will just scoot off and leave me there . They know my parrot - ism will kick into high gear and before you know it we will have an audience watching the show . I have tried to rid myself of this curse but it is of no use . Same as with my accent . I even tried a speech therapist before I left the deep south for fear of not being able to obtain a job outside of my birthplace . Anyone here will tell you that was a waste of money . I guess I will be this way until the day I die . I am just so happy I have the most wonderful boss in the world . Did I mention she is and was born and raised in …………… JAPAN . side note : I love this sharing thing . Several blogs I have visited this month , included a link to one or two favorite blogs they frequent . Plus this Blogger Award thingy , is awesome . I love this because I am new here , just a bit over a month . I have no idea what I am doing most of the time and no clue how to find blogs I love . This way I can take the ones that found me , or the ones I stumbled upon and check out their favorites . I know what you are thinking , that is what a blogroll is for . But if the person you love to read takes the time to mention another blogger , it sets them apart and makes you want to read them . Some I found I loved , others , not so much . But that is okay because there is no good without the not so good . Okay , the word idiom has been defined but how in the world were they coined ? My daughter hates it when I use idioms . She complains that she has no idea what I am talking about . Recently , I found a few south western idioms that I am not familiar with and I too have no idea what they are talking about . For example : Slicker than two snails porking in a bucket of snot . ( There was another word used instead of porking but I chose to change it . Where did this saying come from ? ) Or how about this one - " If ya don 't know awhere 's you 're a goin ' , it 'd be a good idea not to use your spurs . " ( What does that mean anyway ? I would like to think it means be kind to all , but , who really knows ? ) Or - " sucking the hind tit " , ( What the heck ? Is there an order when it comes to tits ? Is the hind tit the good one or the bad one ? And is this referring to a cows tits ? I am so seriously confused ) A few of these western idioms I have never heard before , but I can understand them . Don 't squat with your spurs on . ( yep , that one I get ) How about , Don 't be a woman that needs a man , be the woman a man needs . ( well I got news for the idiot that coined that phrase . If we women knew how to deal with the crap a ma … . aahh , never mind ) I 'm going to knock you into next week . ( this , to me , does not need explanation . Is this even an idiom ? It does not even feel like an idiom ) And my favorite and probably the most used - Well , bless your heart . ( most of the time that means you are stupid or something else that I absolutely will not write . ) In the south , a minute - is more like a few hours ( that is not too far off from mountain time ) Feelin ' poorly - that is southern code for I am hung over . ( folks here on the mountain just tell it like it is . . I got a hang over ) Posted on September 21 , 2011 by life is a bowl of kibble under Everything else in - between I have started a new page with 3 little pup pages that equals 4 , somehow 🙂 The parent is Treats then photos , recipes and crafts . I am not , I repeat NOT , a domestic goddess . I will admit I am , shamefully only a goddess . So when I find something I think I could possible do I am so willing to share . https : / / lifeisabowlofkibble . wordpress . com / treats / This is going to the dog lovers . This is no joke . With the holiday 's coming we all need to be mindful of the dangers that lurk in our everyday foods for our little 4 legged fur babies . Copy to your own blog or refer your followers back to me ( this would be appreciated ) . Either way I don 't care . I just really want to get the word out to all that cherish their pups . Before I knew any of this I had contributed to the down fall of my baby girl Kazooie . I lost her this time last year . Still breaks my heart . She never could keep her eyes open in a flash . Tee Hee RIP my love . She died of Pancreatic Cancer and developed Diabetes three months before she passed . I wish I would have had this information earlier . OKAY enough of that . This is one dessert you can make no matter who you are ! And it is sooooo fantastic paired with a Cabernet Sauvignon . OOOhhh Laa laa sound like a romantic evening to me . Okay , maybe a night of laundry but how wonderful that laundry task will be . Yummy . Posted on September 21 , 2011 by life is a bowl of kibble under Uncategorized , whacked out Wednesday I may not have mentioned that I throw deliver mail with my husband but I do , on the two days a week I am not at my other job . Yes , we are glorified USPS rural postal carriers . On a good morning we manage to work well together , but on other days we just work . This was one of those days … . I was running late . My hair was just not making nice . My clothes were left in the dryer over night and wrinkles were set in hard . I couldn 't find my shoes and my makeup was half on . " WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE ! " encourages my husband . Of course , " encourages " that is my sarcasm shining through . I throw everything down , walk out with one shoe in hand and an attitude that would make a bad dog run . " Large letters to the back , " he croaks . " Get busy , " he says , while doing nothing ! Or at least nothing I can see . Okay , now I 'm about to go postal on him … Humph ! I yelled … in my head . You see , I am a firm believer in picking your battles . I looked at him and contemplated going for the big one … instead I decide to walk away , cool off and get some sunflower seeds from the local corner store . I really like sunflower seeds . They are nature at its finest and when humans add the salt it sets my soul at ease . I try not to eat them often , but when mad they do the trick to occupy my thoughts and keep me from ringing my other half 's neck ! Our drive started pretty good . Things had calmed down and I was getting into the music while sucking on a handful of seeds . Before I knew it , my toes are tapping out the beat of the current song . Things were looking up until the man I married , the man that saw me getting ready this morning in frustration , the man I just gave a stern look to only minutes ago , looks at me with a look that said … THAT SAID … well I don 't know what it said , but I didn 't like the look ! Again , to battle or not to battle … decisions decisions . I came to the conclusion that I would wait to fight the good fight another day . It was already a hot , hot day and tempers flying would just make it all worse . As I was pondering the question of whether to talk it out or not , I realized I had a hand full of empty sunflower seed shells in my hand and nowhere to put them . So I rolled down the window and took all that rage I was feeling at the moment , wadded it up into those sunflower shells then I let ' er rip with the biggest throw I could muster . OMGOSH ! It landed on the car next to us ! The poor man 's window was down ! If any thing flew inside , he didn 't notice . I think he was more concerned with the connect the dot puzzle of seeds on his windshield and car door . He sort of gave me the same look I just saw on my hubby 's face . I gave him the most apologetic look I could . I stuck out my bottom lip and shrugged my shoulders . I think I may have even batted my eyes a time or two in hopes that he would forgive my stupidity . . I then give a panicked look over to my husband . I realize he saw nothing , notta , no clue as to what I just did . He turned on his blinker and drove off . I turned to look back at the poor man as we drove away . I could not see his face because of his wipers racing at 90 miles an hour . I keep watching in the rear view mirror . All I could imagine was the sight of him pulling up beside us and cussing my poor , poor husband out . I was beginning to think that all of this crumby day was all my doings . Our next units of boxes were just ahead , and still no sight of the victim … . I mean gentleman . I go about putting packages in their respective boxes , all the while , looking over my shoulder . Ten minutes later , my heart is finally starting to settle down . I grab the last of the out going mail and look up to find that polka dotted seed car driving S - L - O - W - L - Y by . I pray he just keeps on driving . I mouth , " I 'm so sorry . " He gives me a look , slightly waves and drives on . My husband is a witness to this exchange and I can see he wants to ask what it was all about . I have no idea what kind of look was on my face but it must have been good because he went about his business and never said a word . RULES ? WHY ARE THERE RULES ? ( I hope I don 't mess this up I am not good with structure , just read my post . ( insert the onomatopoeia for chattering teeth here ) Thank and link to the person who nominated you . Thank you Hobbler , you sweet little darling you ! Now somebody let me know if this link does not work , please . Remember I have only been on here 32 days now and things are still so new to me . Everyday I wake up in my own bed makes me happy . I have been known to party . Hard . All night … okay it was years ago but the memories are still very , very vivid ! My hubs and I almost called it quits after 20 plus years but we are working on it everyday . Some days fantastic , some are the same old poop . But I love him regardless . I know right ? It said 7 facts ! Well I am sending a little extra because , according to my mother , I AM the original hooligan . She really used a different noun but I prefer hooligan . I can still suck my big toe , not that I would want to . JUST JOKING . NOT Mary @ http : / / aquirkoffate . wordpress . com / She is a fantastic photographer . I am always in awe at what she posts on her blog . Unbelievably , she took an interest in my armature pics and gave me the wings I needed to keep trying . She is the second person I signed up to follow . And last but not least Audrey @ http : / / mscitscomplicated . wordpress . com / Audrey is my long time friend that no longer lives near me . She suffers from MSC and her blog is not only geared toward her family but towards awareness . She is only a week into WordPress but I have been following her on Blogspot for a long time . Love ya A Thank you again Hobbler . Like I said at the beginning my head is swelling with my over inflated ego . And the bad thing is , I can 't tell Hubs because he does not know about this blog … . . and I want to keep it that way . Posted on September 18 , 2011 by life is a bowl of kibble under aMusing Monday 's Recently I purchased an iPhone . I love it , LOVE IT . Hubs bought a very fine case for it . It is nice but really it is more his taste than mine . I love the bling and this case did not fit the bill at all . We took a family trip to El Paso to find a more appropriate case for my iphone . There was a little kiosk that had hundreds of cases but only a few special ones . I saw two that caught my eye . One was a flashy pink and purple number the other a pink Playboy Bunny case no bling . I bought them both and we headed home . The next day my girlfriend and I went to pick up some Swarovski Crystals in the big city of Las Cruces . A few nights later my husband ordered a movie and was totally immersed in it . I thought this would be a good night to decorate the bunny case with the new crystals . I pulled out my trusty craft table , all my crystals , the glue and settled in for a night of creativity …… I was having trouble getting the tiny crystals on with the right amount of glue . For some reason , it was gushing out without me squeezing it . Finally , the glue had found its happy place and decided to cooperate . I was down to the last crystal when disaster struck ! The glue made a bubble and exploded on the side of the case . The crystal was covered in super glue and was slipping off heading for the floor . I did not want it to hit my hardwood floor in fear of it sticking and leaving a nasty spot so … . . I stopped it with my lip . Have you ever had Super Glue on your lip ? Let me tell you , it is scary ! Instantly my lip began to dry out . As in , it shriveled UP with the crystal attached . I stuck my tongue to my lip out of instinct … I guess . I quickly discovered my tongue was glued to my lip and FRONT teeth . Sheer panic will engulf your body when you realize your tongue is stuck to your front teeth ! I opened my mouth to free my tongue . It worked but not without taking a little piece of my lip with it . I thought I was in the clear and started to ask Hub if he ever had super glue on his skin . OMG ! There was still active glue on my lips and when they touched , they sealed shut ! You need only imagine what this looked like . I mean look at what it does to fingers . I was grateful Hub was deeply involved in his movie . I was also very fortunate that the glue had sealed my mouth shut before I called attention to myself . I wiggled my finger in the side of my mouth and slowly pried my lips apart . I was in shock . I sat with my mouth wide open and prayed that the glue would hurry up and dry . All I felt was shrivel , shrivel , shrivel . I was silent for about 15 minutes . In part , to keep all the fresh glue areas from touching each other and sticking again . The other part , I didn 't want my husband to get wind of what I just did . So , while I sat there with my mouth wide open waiting for the glue to dry , I hid behind the newspaper praying he did not ask me a question or want to talk about what just happened on the movie . It did not take long until I was secretly peeling it off . Trying to get the glue off without taking your skin with it is tough , very tough . My advice … keep all glues away from your face . And if you do get it in your mouth , let it dry before you talk and don 't tell your spouse . I have a feeling he will never let you live it down . Thank goodness my spouse does not read this blog ! Posted on September 16 , 2011 by life is a bowl of kibble under Fundamental Fridays , Uncategorized , Writing A to Z The above is an entry I put on my facebook a few days ago . I am so happy I was able to go see my hub 's grandma . I had wanted to go to the home for a quite awhile . Unfortunately , she is unable to communicate any longer . She can not move any part of her body except her eyes and mouth . However , those eyes speak volumes . She has always had a serious sweet tooth and chocolate is her favorite . When I left that night I decided the next time I go to see her I was going to bring her a chocolate dessert . I had no idea if I could do it or not . Was she on a restrictive diet ? I knew she didn 't have diabetes . And I knew she would enjoy her absolute favorite dessert immensely . Two weeks later , I hid a chocolate frosty in my purse , shut the door to her room and feed it to her . I got the biggest smile from her . To me , she still remains a most beautiful woman . As I was leaving , I adjusted her roomy 's pillow and got her glasses so she could see the news . I also ran into the little lady with the bling . Well , she ran into me as I was coming out of the room . We chatted a bit . She had no idea what she was talking about but she was so enthusiastic about it , ? , I just could not stop her so I grinned when she grinned and laughed when she laughed . women From the dog 's point of view , his master is an elongated and abnormally cunning dog with arms and opposable thumbs . A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself * My little dogs - heartbeats at my feet . Did you forget where that goodie is buried ? Search Window Watching Like all good watchdogs I try to keep a watchful eye out for great blogs ! You can find a few of them under the Treats button at the top of my page . Have fun . |
Case Description : From June 8th to September 15th of this year , multiple disappearances were reported from the isolated town of St . Petersburg . Five Victims total , but three have been found . The three who were returned to the town claim to have been abducted by " a man - sized bat " , which is the exact description many other towns residents have reported seeing roaming around in the woods . The town has been disturbed by this same creature many times before , as this isn 't the first time its appeared . During the night , people reported hearing terrifying howls / screeches and the beating of giant wings in the sky . It wasn 't until recently that the so called " Man - Bat " began to abduct people . Before that , only livestock such as sheep , goats and cows had gone missing . The five people to be kidnapped all have a connection to the creature : Leslie Jenkins - Worthington , a local widow who was previously married to billionaire Dean Worthington , with a net worth of around 2 . 1 billion American dollars . She has yet to be found , but we suspect that she is going to be the hardest to locate . Why would a man sized Bat abduct a woman who was insanely wealthy ? Thomas Witherspoon , a Priest who went to locate the Man - Bat , believing it to be some kind of demon that needed to be banished to Hell . Thomas went missing on June 9th and was found two days ago . He 's recovering from several large gashes that appear to be claw and bite marks . We believe that something attacked him while he was out there , but he hasn 't been able to answer questions thanks to the extreme quarantine he 's under in the hospital . Jane Yung , a local woman who works as a Veterinarian . She is positive that the Man - Bat used to be a pet of hers , " Mr . Wings " , which died after extreme exposure to some kind of radioactive goop that she couldn 't identify . Personally , this idea seems absolutely ludicrous and makes no sense , but the evidence supporting this is absolutely impossible to ignore . She was found in her clinic , surrounded by destruction and holding the tiny collar " Mr . Wings " had worn before its death . So , what do all these people have in common ? They 're all connected to the Man - Bat in some way : Two news reporters investigating the creature , a priest wanting to destroy the monster , a financially successful woman who had offered a major award for the capture of the Man - Bat , and a veterinarian who claims she used to own the non - mutated creature for a pet . This , however , can 't be more then coincidence . The Man - Bat , or whatever it is , figured out that these people either threatened it , or had some kind of past relationship with it . At first , we were unsure why it kidnapped Jane , but we discovered that she had been involved with the towns " hunt for Man - Bat " from the start , hoping to find and return her beloved pet . This seemed plausible and the evidence began to show that everyone had been on the hunt for the creature . Hopefully , none of us goes missing while we investigate . . After collecting all our clues and encountering the creature a few times ( Scooby still won 't stop shaking from the night it tried to make off with Robin and him ) , we 've narrowed down our search to an abandoned Manor in the forest just outside of town . We think that the Man - Bat is keeping the other two hostages there , but the next step is to search the place . I really don 't want to go in there . . . But I guess I have to . I can 't let innocent people be harmed by whatever that thing is , it just isn 't right . We 're moving in on the 20th of September . If we 're lucky , this mystery will wrap up tomorrow and we can make it back to Coolsville for the grand opening ceremony of the Criminology Museum . • A shrine dedicated to Dean Worthington located in a supposedly abandoned barn . The shrine depicted Dean for the multi - millionaire he was and seemed to be oriented around his seemingly endless supply of cash . The barn used to belong to a man named Winston Ulysses , who was supposedly in love with Dean 's wife . We 're close to cracking the case . . . But hopefully this thing doesn 't turn into another one of those " creep fests " . . I don 't know if I can cope with Scooby - Doo 's continuous nightmares . Its bad enough that Scooby still sleeps with me , but I don 't need to keep waking up in the night hearing him scream in terror because a tree branch hit the Mystery Machine . As the 5 teens and dog looked up at the hulking structure before them , they remained silent . Everybody in town had warned them that going to Westing Manor was essentially begging to get murdered , as nobody who entered it returned in one piece . In the front row stood Robin , a highly intelligent ( and slightly geeky ) brown haired girl who was the brains behind the team , Mattieu , who provides his driving skills ( whatever shambles of it there are ) and some extra cash that the gang can use for gas and snacks , Evan , another intelligent girl who seems more focused on her appearance then the fact she 's almost as smart as Robin , and Nala , the undisputed leader of the group . These friends of his were truly outstanding in their own way , totally unmoved by the horrific sights generated from the combination of lightning , rain , the old building laying before them , and the myths that a man - sized bat spent most of its time haunting it . Standing behind the two girls , was the backbone of Mystery Incorporated , Dylan and his best pal Scooby - Doo . Surely since they were at the back of the group , both of them were brave enough to conquer their fears and face the dangers that awaited them ! " Hey , guys ? " Dylan asked in a nervous tone , staring up at the building , " That place is like , über - creepy . Don 't you think we can just investigate a Burger King or something ? I 'm pretty sure their value menu has something to do with the case . " . As lightning struck the area beside the manor once again , Dylan let out a sudden grunting noise as the heaving weight of a Great Dane was suddenly placed upon his arms . " RAAGGGHHHH ! ! " Scooby - Doo shouted in fear as he leaped into the teenager 's arms , shivering like he was in an earthquake , " Rease ron 't make re ro in rare ! Rit 's rerrifying ! " Both the teenage boy and the dog looked at the other group members , silently praying that they could just forget about the mansion , the Man - Bat , and everything else , then just go home . Dylan 's sense of adventure kind of wanted to go further , but it was Scooby that really held him back . Sure , he was scared , but Scooby . . . Well , Scooby had a history of being fearful around the paranormal and often needed comforting , meaning Dylan always chose to stay behind and help out his pal if he could . Dylan got freaked out almost every time they investigated a mystery , still traumatized by the Jack - O incident , but he knew at the end of the day that the " monster " was just another guy in a mask . Scooby on the other hand , was fearful that real monsters did exist . Even after trying to tell him for the several months since Mystery Inc . had started , Scooby wouldn 't buy the fact that monsters weren 't real . In fact , Dylan often wondered if Scooby was right . After all , a talking dog was something incredibly hard to come across in the world , so either there was a magical / supernatural reason behind the Great Dane 's existence , or it was just an amazing feat of nature . Either way , Scooby wasn 't the bravest dog in the world ; far from it . " R ' mon roo ruys ! Rets get routta here ! " Scooby pleaded in a terrified tone , begging once again to avoid the scary part of the mystery . " Its okay , Scoob . . . Its just a house . Try to not let it freak you out too much . . . But seriously guys , can we at least figure out a plan ? We 're not going in that place as blind as a . . . Well , as a bat . Maybe by the time we get something together , Scooby 'll calm down enough to be able to go in with us . I really don 't want to just leave him out here . . . Again . Especially after that creepy Doctor Smith abducted him . " explained Dylan , referring to the case of " Doctor Strange " , who was a supposed veterinarian who killed and performed horrific experiments on animals . The gang had decided that Scooby would wait in the car while grabbing snacks , but the " good " Doctor showed up and kidnapped the Great Dane , nearly cutting him open just to discover if his vocal chords were similar to that of a human being . Thankfully , the gang showed up just in time and took down the mad doctor , exposing him as Doctor Edward Blanche , a respectable medical officer who actually killed and tried to combine various animals into one " super creature " that was built like Frankenstien 's monster . But , as the teens spoke amongst themselves about their plans to capture the creature , a flash of lightning revealed the form of a hideous beast . It was crouched atop the roof of the manor , just out of view from the teenagers current position . The creature breathed heavily as it stared down at the crime solvers . It could easily hear what they had to say and listened closely , waiting for the teens to reveal their plan so it could dispose of those meddlesome brats once and for all . Staring up at the looming house called Westing Manor , Robin of Mystery Incorporated pulled up the hood on her fitted navy hoodie and wiped up her glasses again . Of course it would be raining at the creepy house . Ugh . Clichés are so annoying . Especially when two out of five of the members of your team of crime investigators are quivering in fear . Or rather , cowardice . Robin rolled her eyes , shivering slightly in the bothersome cold . It would be nice to head inside once they got a concrete plan settled . Though that wouldn 't be accomplished if Dylan and Scooby didn 't cease their blathering about fear or food . Good thing Dylan finally started thinking straight . . . kind of . I mean he does have a talking dog shaking in his arms and a verbal disapproval of actually solving the mystery already . The answer seems oh so obvious , but it always turns out to be someone the gang never expected , so all bets are off . . . not that they were ever on among this bunch . " Okay Dylan , I 'll give you credit for initiative on a plan , but . . . of the roughly 1 , 100 species of bats , not one is visually impaired . Bats are not blind . It 's a common misconception that bats cannot see because they use a sort of echolocation to find food such as insects , but dolphins can see and they use nearly the same type of adaptation . We 've come across plenty of bats . You didn 't know this ? " The short girl tilted her head quizzically , barely aware that her question was a bit rude . She cleared her throat anyway , moving onto the group huddle for a plan half heartedly . She didn 't want to turn her back on the large building housing the creature that almost kidnapped her last time they actually encountered it . Or rather , Him . The gang has tons of circumstantial evidence for a certain man who was a pretty good costume maker . Monsters of the man eating , soul sucking variety do not exist at least not outside of lore and incomplete pieces of ' evidence ' . In fact , if Robin had learned anything from solving cases with Mystery Inc it was that people are the real monsters in every scenario . Including the one Dylan mentioned when Scooby had almost been unethically experimented on . She didn 't have any intention of leaving him behind either but that was only because of availability heuristic , not because it was actually as statistically probable that he ' he 'd be kidnapped again . Nonetheless , psychology only helps one analyze their own mind not prevent the natural perceptions without thinking . " We could use the age old tactic of luring him out and trapping him . If he 's more man than mutant which seems most probable at this point , a net will do the job before we unmask him . I 'm not sure what we 'd use as bait however . I don 't think he 's all that food motivated . If worst comes to worst , one of us goes out with my specialized capsicum ( pepper ) spray and we actually blind him . But that 's just a suggestion . " Robin offered with a shrug and another wipe of her lenses . She didn 't particularly want any one of them in danger and she would be worried to do it herself , but if no one brought up any other way of keeping his weapons at bay before getting him arrested , she would do it . Knowing it 's only another vengeful man in that Mubber suit brought her minimal comfort , but revealing his identity would feel a lot better . Matthieu was not happy about being stood out in the rain . To listen to him speak about it , you could be forgiven for believing that it never rained at all in France , given the way that he complained so bitterly . The rest of the group had come to ignore his whining now and sometimes it was a source of cheap amusement for the others , but the French - born nineteen year old was cold , wet and far from amused . He was wearing a leather jacket and a tight white shirt , with a pair of dark denim jeans , and , as much as he knew that the rain give him the whole " hot mess " look that drove the girls at school wild , he wasn 't interested in that right now . Of the three girls beside him , only one of them was of even remote interest , and she was probably the most distant of the lot . She certainly wasn 't the sort to be taking a look at the way that his white shirt was going slightly see - through , nor the way that it clung to his toned chest and abs . He knew this for a fact , because he kept checking to see if she was looking . When it became apparent that she wasn 't paying any attention to him , he zipped up the jacket instead . As ever , Dylan and Scooby were trying to get out of heading into the creepy old manor . It didn 't seem to matter how many " monsters " they unmasked , some things just never changed . Matthieu sometimes wondered why Dylan and Scooby came with them ; they were friends , yes , but the pair seemed utterly terrified of anything even remotely spooky and as soon as they arrived they were asking to go home . Fortunately , the rest of the group were a good deal braver and only tended to be afraid of immediately dangerous situations , instead of just shadows on the wall and branches scraping the windows . As the " man " of the group , Matthieu found that he often forced himself into harm 's way , as if it was his duty , and also because he was the only member of the group that could throw a good punch . Nala would try , he didn 't doubt , but she wasn 't really big enough to hit all that hard , and she certainly wasn 't built to take a hit , either . Whilst Robin was talking about echolocations and adaptations , Matthieu just stared up at Westing Manor , and the way that it loomed over them . Rain , thunder , lightning , a full moon . . . everything seemed so deliberate , as if the forces of nature had come together and created such a night specifically for them to hunt the man - bat . The house looked to be in darkness , and the whole area was dimly lit , falling well outside the main city , so whilst Matthieu thought he could see movement on the roof of the mansion , he couldn 't be sure of it . Indeed , as soon as he saw a blur of movement , it would vanish and he would spend the next minute trying to spot it again to no avail . It looked as if the manor had gone all the way though , with a window high up in the attic room , a weather vane on the roof and some kind of a crouched gargoyle sat atop the house , watching for unwanted guests . Matthieu didn 't know a lot about monsters , after all , what sense was there in researching creatures that didn 't exist ? What he did know , however , was that gargoyles were not evil monsters , but rather protectors , intended to frighten off malicious spirits . He had impressed Robin once by telling her about gargoyles , and how in France , they were always used to divert rain water from houses , as well as evil spirits , with the word coming from the French word " gargouille " , meaning threat . She had then buried him under a load of subsequent facts , including the revelation that a gargoyle - esque statue that did not help water to drain was known as a " boss " , instead . Matthieu smirked at the memory , as much as she was a goofy dork , there was no denying her thirst for knowledge or her enthusiasm , even if it was like being friends with a living encyclopaedia at times . She mentioned something about blinding the bat , which seemed odd to the Frenchman , because he thought that bats were blind already . What good would that do ? If she was talking about pepper spray , then that would hurt just about any person with eyes , whether they were blind or not , so maybe it would work . " That 's a nice idea , but there 's just one problem , " said Matthieu , as he avoided the urge to see if Evan was finally looking his way . " How do you plan on getting close enough to this bat when we 're all out here and he 's still inside ? Face it , we 're going to have to into the manor , so rather than standing here in the rain , let 's just get on with it . " Matthieu began making his way up the path towards Westing Manor . He showed no fear at all , even as another thunderbolt tore through the sky , with both eyes firmly focused on the large wooden door in front of him . He briskly made his way up the three steps that led to the porch and found himself face - to - face with the imposing door . Matthieu was a tall man , but the door was at least three feet taller than he was , and he could only begin to imagine why such a tall door was ever needed . At least there was a small alcove over the door that offered him a dry spot , out of the rain . He turned back to the group and waved to them , " Hey , come on . Are you guys just going to stand around and get wet all night , or are we going to catch this guy ? " He sighed and pointed towards Robin and Nala , " Look , if you are all scared , then you can wait with the scaredy - cats and I 'll do this on my own , but I thought you two were the ones that wanted to explore the paranormal ? What if this man - bat is actually real and I find and capture him all on my own , eh ? You 'll miss out on all the fun ! " Matthieu shrugged , holding his gaze for a few seconds before turning back around and reaching for the handle . He gave it a shake , jostling it to see if it was locked as the door suddenly began to creak open before him . Ignoring the ominous nature of a creaking door , Matthieu chuckled to himself and turned to face the rest of the group once more . " It 's already open , " he explained , before breaking into a smirk . " Perhaps someone is expecting us . . . " It was beyond comprehension that a mystery would ever lead the gang to a meadow or a completely un - terrifying cottage . The bad guy always chose the creepiest and unsafest places to carry out their off - duty activities . Though it 's fairly likely that a masked lunatic could make any where seem chilling by simply running around it in the dead of night . As Evan stood with her hands in the pockets of double - breasted coat and dug her chin into the warmth of her scarf , she mentally envisioned herself in her bedroom working on the final science project of the year . It wasn 't anything nearly as fun as building a volcano and filling it with baking soda , but unlike most , Evan enjoyed studying the anatomy of various mammals . Though within her current clique of snobby , wealthy cheerleaders , she couldn 't exactly admit that . She couldn 't even admit it now , because more often than not , Evan felt inferior where intellect concerned ; but it was okay , she had come to terms with her role in the group . She was most likely going to be kidnapped again but it provided the group with a common goal and that 's how they worked best : together . As Robin spoke to the group about bats and whether the could or could not see , Evan shifted uncomfortably as she felt the presence of eyes on her . She didn 't have to turn to know it was Matthieu and truthfully she liked it and often gazed at him when he wasn 't looking ; but right now , with her hair wet and clinging to her face , she felt anything but presentable . That was just another thing she would keep to herself , she didn 't want the others to think of her as vain . " But I am . I really , really am . " Evan thought to herself , smiling into her scarf . Clearing her throat and directing her attention back to the mystery at hand , she watched as Matthieu began walking towards the house . He did look attractive in his leather jacket and jeans that teased muscular calves . Ignoring the ominous nature of a creaking door , Matthieu chuckled to himself and turned to face the rest of the group once more . " It 's already open , " he explained , before breaking into a smirk . " Perhaps someone is expecting us . . . " Evan looked to the other members of the gang and when they didn 't move , she took a deep intake of breath and commanded her legs to move . The mud didn 't both her much because she was wearing her GQ motorcycle boots , but the rain was another matter ; it was incessant and honestly , right now the house was more of a shelter than a haunted deathtrap . " Wait for me . " She called , looking across the exterior as she got closer . " This looks exactly like the setting of a horror movie I watched last weekend . " Evan removed her hands from her coat and pulled her ponytail out from the back of her scarf . It snaked over her shoulder for the most part , the tail was dry . Next she removed her scarf and undid the buttons of her coat . It wasn 't any warmer inside but at least it was dry . " Brownie points for coming in first , I doubt the rest of us would have otherwise . " Evan shot Matthieu a wink and shoved the scarf into the pocket . He really was attractive and for a slight moment , away from the others , Evan didn 't care if he knew it . " You 're drenched . " She said before running a hand through his hair in an attempt to rid it of the excess water . " Sorry . " She said immediately after as she wiped her hand on her coat and took a few steps forward . As though living up the quota for " creepy " all of the furniture was covered with pale white sheets . Various shapes could be made out beneath them , such as a grandfather clock , a few couches and a table - there was even a sheet over the swaying chandelier above their heads . " This looks pretty neat for a man - bat . Our best bet is probably the attic . " As all of his friends harped on how cowardly and seemingly pathetic he and Scooby were , Dylan gave them a hard frown . " C ' mon guys , what 's the name calling for ? You know Scooby and I can 't stand creepy things ! Its just not our bag , man ! " exclaimed the teen as he still gripped the shivering Great Dane in his arms . Scooby 's eyes had continuously stared at the rooftop after a flash of lightning revealed the form of a creepy apparition . While he figured it was only one of the many gargoyles covering the structure that he had seen , Scooby felt uneasy . With a paranoia brought about by hidden passageways and eyes in paintings watching the gang 's every movement , it was understandable why Scooby didn 't like going near inanimate objects with faces . Especially suits of armour . Who knows when there is going to be a guy inside who follows you and stops every time you turn around ? The others criticize both Scooby and Dylan for this fear , but seeing as how its happened 12 times , it makes sense that they would be paranoid . " Scardy cats ! Can you believe him , Scoob ? " " We 're not scared of anything ! . . . Well , except maybe the possibility that there 's a creepy dude dressed as a bat in there , and not in the cool " I 'm Batman " kind of way ! In the horrifying " I 'm going to disembowel you and eat your insides " way ! " As Dylan took a few deep breaths to calm himself down after such a long winded rant , he looked at the group and sighed . " Um . . . Okay , sorry . I overreacted a bit . Look guys , me and Scooby will just be a lookout , okay ? For all we know , the Man - Bat knows we 're coming and has set up traps inside . It would be better for us to wait out here . That way if something happened , we could at least call for a rescue . " explained the brown haired teenager as he sighed and put down Scooby , who was also starting to calm down a bit . With a semi - ashamed look towards Matthieu , Dylan nodded and defeatedly said " Look after the girls , buddy . I 'll keep in touch with the walkie talkies . My cell reception is absolutely horrendous up here . " before waving a hand towards Scooby . Without another word , the two friends climbed into the back of the Mystery Machine . Taking a seat on the large leather cushions , Dylan gently stroked a hand through Scooby 's fur and offered the dog a small smile . " Rylan . . . Do rou think re 're being relfish ? Ri mean . . . Rhe others ron 't seem ro think re 're ruseful . " whimpered Scooby , who laid down on his belly , laying flat across the shag - carpet of the van . He looked up through the window of the Mystery Machine at the group as they stepped into the creepy manor , whimpering sadly as the question of wether or not they were really helpful stayed fresh in his mind . Smiling comfortingly down at his best pal , Dylan continued to stroke the dog 's head and quietly said " Don 't think like that , Scoob . We 're just . . . Well , we have different thoughts . I mean , we helped out as much as we could during the investigation , but I don 't think that we 'd be much help right now . I mean . . . Well , the whole running and screaming thing doesn 't help to hide our presence from the criminal , you know ? " in a soft and sweet tone . He didn 't want to be rude , but he also didn 't sugar coat it . Matthieu was right : they were scaredy cats . Cowards , always hiding from the monster and running at the first sight of what could be considered by some , as paranormal activity . Knowing that Scooby wouldn 't feel better without some additional help , Dylan smiled and moved from where he sat . Folding the seat up , Dylan reached under the cushion and grabbed a bright green box with the label " Scooby Snacks " written upon it . Then , he moved over to the front seat and switched on the radio to the classic 60 's channel . Much to his delight , one of his and Scooby 's old favourites came on . As the soothing music filled the car , Dylan moved back to his seat and sat down , cracking open the box of treats . Despite the fact they were meant for dogs , Dylan found the snacks quite delicious . They were made from real ingredients , so they weren 't full of chemicals and fake foodstuffs , but they were also light and quite addictive . Ever since he first adopted Scooby , Dylan had made special dog - treats ( originally meant to be cookies for his friends ) and after Mystery Incorporated took off , made a deal with ACME and turned Scooby Snacks into a world - wide business . Of course Dylan and Scooby both get hefty cheques from the company every few weeks , but most of that money goes straight towards Dylan 's after - high school funds , or financing things so that the Gang doesn 't always rely on Matthieu 's money . As he tore open the plastic wrap and handed a snack to Scooby , Dylan reached into his pocket and pulled out a green walkie talkie . Clicking the button , he clearly spoke into the microphone . " Everything looks cool out here , Matthieu . How 's it looking in there ? " Robin frowned at Matthieu 's impatience and lack of caution . No matter how wet they became , being wet is better than going in without any prior preparation only to get hurt . Or worse . Especially with the complaints he elicited from Dylan afterward . Robin jumped at the few thunder claps form the clouds above that were soaking her seemingly straight to the bone . The Westing Manor seemed a force to be reckoned with . Or rather , the squatter who apparently haunted the place is . Robin knew that pretty well , especially since the claws had narrowly missed her shoulders while swooping for her the other day . That was a close one , not that the group wasn 't thoroughly used to close calls . The dorky brunette rolled her eyes at Matthieu taunting the girls to follow , but once Evan started after him , Robin sighed and started toward the front door , hesitating first to see if Dylan would actually follow for once . For all the courage he seemed to lack , he was advantageous to have around for finding clues . Then again , if he couldn 't follow through when it finally came time for the daring finale , he should really work on his fear management skills . She really wished he would come and she was about to start on the statistical danger factor they were risking by staying outside as lookouts , but figured it was useless . Besides , it 's really cold out here . So without protest from the girl in the hoodie , Dylan requested a lookout for the girls . Robin pouted and stood out in the rain for a moment , still and quiet in the dark . She shouldn 't be debating on whether to stay or go now . In the van , he would be alright . The other would need her and her supplies more . So she turned on her heel and shivered all the way into the manor where she stepped in behind the others and took in their surroundings mostly comprised of white sheets over old furniture . She pulled off her soaking hoodie which was only keeping her cold and revealed an orange t - shirt that was a little drier . " Alright . . . let 's go to the attic then . Seems appropriate for this place . " Robin agreed with Evan and wiped her glasses again . She was squeezing the water out of her hair when the walkie talkie assigned to Matthieu spoke with Dylan 's report from the van . She was glad he was safe for now . She just hoped it would stay that way . For everyone . Under normal circumstances , Matthieu would be annoyed to have someone running their hands through his hair . Under normal circumstances he would have pulled away , or told them to back off , despite the fact that his hairstyle was already ruined by the rain long before anyone 's hands got near to it . Under normal circumstances , he would have said something . On this occasion , there were no normal circumstances . If it had been Robin , or , God forbid , Dylan , touching his hair then Matthieu would have reacted . Instead , however , it was Evan , and for as long as she stood close to him , he didn 't really mind what she did . At first , he had been caught by surprise , it was a decidedly bold move from Evan , as it was well - known that Matthieu insisted on keeping his hair perfect and that he didn 't like it being touched . He had , in fact , walked out of a date with a girl because she kept touching his hair , and that story had definitely done the rounds at school . A rumour had even sprung up that , if he let a girl touch his hair more than once , or for any length of time , then it meant that he was in love with them . Matthieu rubbished such a rumour by pointing out that if a girl loved him , then they would respect his wishes and never touch his hair . Having been caught out by Evan 's movement , Matthieu had been momentarily paralysed , staring at a sheet - covered statue in the back corner of the room . He had forced his eyes up , meeting hers for just a second before her cheeks seemed to redden and she backed away , wiping her hands on her clothes . Perhaps he shouldn 't have looked , and just let her carry on for as long as she liked . As he began to curse his missed chance , he saw Robin enter the mansion , having finally made her mind up on whether to stay with Dylan and Scooby , or whether to join Evan and himself . Previously , he wouldn 't have minded , as he found Robin to be a useful person to have around , and , despite their differing backgrounds and social statuses , the two made surprisingly good friends . Despite only having known her for a year , Matthieu felt the same loyalty and care for Robin that he felt for his own sisters , although the dorky girl was far less annoying . " Alright . . . let 's go to the attic then . Seems appropriate for this place , " replied Robin as she began inspecting some of the items a bit closer . He natural curiosity was in full swing now and Matthieu knew he couldn 't send her out to wait in the van . " Everything looks cool out here , Matthieu . How 's it looking in there ? " asked a somewhat nervous - sounding Dylan through the walkie talkie . There was some old song playing in the background and , whilst Matthieu didn 't know it , he recognised it as one that Dylan had played in the past to calm Scooby down . " Guys , calm down , " said Matthieu , trying to sound supportive , rather than dismissive of the boy 's worry . " It 's only been a few minutes , nothing has happened . We 're in the mansion , where it is dry , and we look to be in some sort of a lounge . Everything 's covered in white sheets , so I don 't know if this really is where the Man - Bat lives , but Robin thinks he must live upstairs , so I guess we 're going to head up and take a look around . " " Hey , Dylan ? If you and Scooby are getting worried out there , why don 't you come inside and join us ? This mansion is old and dusty , but that 's all , there are no ghosts here and all the paintings are covered over with dust sheets anyway . " He was keen to point out that part , because Dylan and Scooby were always complaining about inanimate paintings watching them and following them around the room . " Actually , we 've got a bit of a problem , and we need your help with it . This mansion is pretty big and it 's going to take a long time to check it over for clues . I think the group needs to split up , but you know our rule about no - one traveling alone , right ? " Matthieu smiled , of course Dylan knew the rule . He and Scooby had written it . " But there 's only three of us here , since Eugene is still tied up , so we can 't split up . Robin could go exploring with you and Scooby , whilst Evan and I went looking in a different direction . Then we can find the Man - Bat faster and get everything finished a lot sooner . What do you say ? " Matthieu looked over at Evan and flashed her a wink , hoping he wouldn 't be disturbed again when they were alone the second time . " Come on , it 's your chance to prove that you 're not scaredy cats , and if you 'll do it then I promise we can head to Burger King afterwards and the burgers are on me . " If there was one thing you could count on , it was that bribery got you everywhere with Dylan and Scooby . " So come on , pal , the gang needs you ! " As Mattieu spoke about everything being fine , Dylan sighed a relieved breath . With a comforted look at Scooby , the two pals nodded at each other . " Sound 's like they 're doing alright , Scoob . " spoke Dylan before Matthieu 's voice came in over the walkie talkie again . This time , he was asking them to . . . Come out ? ! What part of " Bawk - Bawk - Bawk " didn 't he understand ? Anybody who passed kindergarden would know what chicken 's sounded like . He continued , claiming that Robin would need a person to help her search the house . Dylan and Scooby knew the " splitting up " rule very well : they came up with it because going separate ways meant something horrible was always about to happen . Before Dylan could respond to Matthieu and politely tell him off , Scooby 's entire body went stiff . " RYLAN ! ROOK ! " shouted the dog before he began shivering with fear once again . Dylan turned his head to the front window where Scooby was staring and nearly dropped the walkie talkie . Standing outside the van , on top of a nearby tree , was the Man - Bat . With a shrieking hiss that could be heard from inside the Mystery Machine , the creature spread its wings and flew off towards the van . Screaming like a couple of lunatics , Dylan and Scooby instantly jumped out of the Mystery Machine and dashed into the house , slamming the door shut behind them . Shaking wildly , still clutching the box of Scooby Snacks in his hand , Dylan 's eyes remained wide open as he tried to regain his breath . Scooby followed a similar method of calming down , but looked out the window to make sure they weren 't pursued while Dylan leaned against the door . His eyes fearfully moved from the tree to the van , but he could not see the creature . " Rits gone ! Ra ronster is gone ! " exclaimed Scooby as he sighed , leaning against the window with an exhausted sigh . Slumping down against the door , Dylan laughed a bit and looked at his furry pal before looking at the group , who stared down the teen and his dog . " O - Okay . . . I - I know I . . . I said we wouldn 't come in . . . But , uh . . . We changed our minds . Y - Y # 8 Matthieu tilted his head to the side , trying to work out just what was going on inside Dylan 's mind . It was entirely possible that Dylan was attracted to Evan too , she was , after all , the pretty one in the group , but it wasn 't like Dylan to be so forward . Maybe not having Eugene around right now was making him reassess his position in the group ? " Well , the usual groups are ; you and Scooby , Robin and myself , and then Evan gets left with Eugene , our beloved leader , " explained Matthieu , with obvious sarcastic emphasis on Eugene 's title . The two didn 't exactly see eye - to - eye and everyone knew it , so there was nothing to hide there . His own plan was to try to get some alone time with Evan , so if Dylan was looking to do the same thing then his only complaint could be that he now had to make a decision on whether to force through his split , and make it clear that he wanted time with Evan , or to play it cool and let Dylan have his way . " If you want to go alone , into the dark , with Evan , then that 's fine by me . Robin and I make a great team , and we 've got plenty of experience at it , so I know that we 'll be just fine . " He then knelt down and pulled out a Scooby Snack from the inside of his jacket , waving it towards the Great Dane . Despite them being Dylan 's creation , pretty much everyone in the group carried one or two around for those occasions when Scooby was less than forthcoming with his help . " Come on , Scooby , you 're going to be helping Robin and myself solve this one , " he said whilst offering the treat up to the dog . As Scooby began to eat it , Matthieu leaned in to whisper to him , " I think Dylan wants a little alone time , no ? " Matthieu smirked and then stood up , stepping closer to Robin . " If you and Evan are going to the side without windows then that 's the right , so us three will head off to the left . You 've got the radio with you in case you need to get in touch and if we don 't find anything , then we 'll all meet up again at the entrance to the attic . " Matthieu was already making his way to the staircase , avoiding the temptation to look over at Evan . Right now , he didn 't want to know if she was happy , sad or utterly indifferent to be partnering Dylan instead of himself . Climbing up a few steps , he turned back around and waved to the rest of the group , " Let 's go , guys . Otherwise I 'm going to end up solving this one on my own ! " Whilst the voices of the other members of the group emanated throughout the front of the seemingly haunted house , Evan clasped her hand over her mouth . The sudden arrival of Dylan and Scooby had made her jump but thankfully she hadn 't shrieked , she had realised that shrieking was a frequent occurrence since joining Mystery Inc . There were a number of things that Evan wanted to be known for , such as her unique approach to science projects and her extensive collection of literature , but shrieking like a girl at the first sign of danger was not one of them . As Dylan and Scooby pressed their backs against the front door of the mansion , Evan attempted to subtly compose herself ; she had already looked to her left to ensure that Matthieu wasn 't looking at her . " You guys scared the crap out of me , " her voice wasn 't nearly as sturdy as she had intended , " let 's just get on with this , shall we ? " Evan didn 't want to come off as impatient or bossy , but she did want to begin searching for clues . Grouped together in the foyer was a bad move but she felt comfortable with the odds in terms of who would be kidnapped ; in her mind she was mentally crossing her fingers . " Why don 't I go with - - " before Evan could finish , the others chimed in and were seemingly deciding the groups among themselves . She would have been worried if Matthieu wasn 't here because they usually went together when Eugene was absent , and truthfully , she was eager to get to know him a little more intimately ; something that couldn 't be done with judging stares and the rolling of eyes . The pair of them had been friends for awhile but at school it appeared as though every other girl wanted their individual piece of Matthieu . She could have invited him over but without having any of the same classes , she could never use studying as a suitable reason . There was also the dynamic of the group to consider , which for the most part was already working ; she didn 't want to be the one to ruin it by professing her feelings to Matthieu . Evidently Evan had been more involved in her thoughts that she 'd thought because as she hurtled back towards reality , she looked over to Matthieu climbing the stairs . Evan was partnered with Dylan , a little dopey but immensely lovable . " Be careful , " she called after Robin , Scooby and Matthieu before turning to Dylan , " Alright , let 's do this . " Evan retrieved a flashlight from her back pocket and raised her hand , simultaneously trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling of wearing a wet coat . She decided to begin walking and had to signal towards Dylan to usher him towards her , he was clearly frighteSyelle , Robin heard the first bits of Mattheiu 's attempts to lure Dylan and Scooby in , but the words faded into a fluid , french accented tone in the background as the short girl wandered around the living room . Not that it seemed like anyone really lived here . The dust had settled and though she searched , leaning close to objects like armrests to check for viable clues , she didn 't find anything she needed to collect samples of from her big , waterproof messenger bag . She wanted to keep searching as soon as possible , for she was almost sure she wouldn 't find any good skin or hair or . . goo samples with or without her flashlight in here . And dusty footprints seemed absent for now . The dark and drafty house was chilling her and she kept telling herself it was only her wet clothes . The goosebumps rose nonetheless as she kept searching , wondering if the Man - Bat truly had set foot in here . Perhaps where she was stepping right now . Robin shivered , but grew absorbed in her wandering to the point that when Dylan actually arrived with a sudden bang of the door behind him and Scooby , Robin only looked up with raised eyebrows for a moment . Unlike Evan , who reacted instantly to their entrance , Robin is usually either preoccupied or expecting a scare so you could say it 's hard to get her to scream or even be very loud most times . She blinked at them , walking closer to the group by the entrance again after Dylan checked the window for whoever had obviously pursued them in here . The more one denies something , the easier it is to believe . So yes , a ' monster ' had chased them into the house , but she let it slide when he next asked if she 'd join him to search for clues . She nodded , hating the coolness of her long hair brushing her neck . It was unlikely that any particular side of the mansion was completely windowless , but if it would calm him . . . Robin put her arm up in front of her eyes when Dylan turned his on in her face instead of pointing it down like everyone else 's . That is before he decided to change his mind about the groupings . Why are the groupings for clues so important today , huh ? They 're trying to solve a mystery , not socialize , so what 's the big deal ? When Matthieu went along with the new pairs though , Robin found asking herself her own question . For a moment , she was foolishly feeling hurt by Dylan 's suggestion of new pairs . Was there a reason he didn 't want to be around her tonight ? Had she really been that insulting with the talk of bats earlier ? It 's not like Dylan was much of a tide - shifter or lover of change , so why else would he want to avoid her ? What if it wasn 't about her at all ? It 's not like Robin is unaware of her lower status on the ' beautiful ' scale compared to Evan . Did Dylan decide he would rather spend more time with the taller girl because of her more preferable aesthetics ? Robin stared at the floor for a moment , biting her lip until Matthieu spoke up again , drawing her attention when he said her name . He mentioned how well he could work with her and the compliment implied made her nod and step to stand beside her partner as he offered Scooby a snack . She nodded to the French - born 's plan and headed after him to the left , only sparing a passing glance at Dylan , who seemed nervous about the whole situation even as Evan led the way off to the right of the mansion . Robin climbed a few steps behind Matthieu and patted Scooby 's head held just above her hip . Reaching around as the others headed out of earshot , the ever - prepared Robin , zipped open her bag and pulled out a can of her own mix of pepper spray , handing it forward to the taller male . " Here . Just in case we run into him ahead of time . " Robin quirked up the right side of her lips , offering the spray with one hand while pushing up her glasses and sweeping her wet bangs away with the other . If they did run into the Man - Bat , she didn 't want him to get another chance with those knife claws near her again . # 11 It wasn 't as if he expected Evan to put up a fight about going with Dylan , because he wasn 't even sure that she was really all that into him . Replaying the moments over and over in his mind , perhaps she had just meant what she had said about him being wet , and it was little more than friendly concern about the state of him . If it wasn 't for the fact that they were all soaking wet , he would have said the same thing to Robin , or even Scooby , too , because being soaked to the skin never did anyone any good . He hadn 't looked up to see if Evan had been speaking directly to him , or to the group , so whilst his reply was meant for her , he wasn 't going to check for any longing glances as they departed . The stairs beneath his feet began to creak under the weight of two adults and a large dog , but they seemed quite solid , even for their age . He kept close to the hand rail just in case , but , much like the doors and windows of the Westing Manor , these stairs appeared to have been made to last . His own foot steps disturbed the dust on each step , kicking up plumes of dirty grey powder that he knew would cling to his wet shoes and jeans . He would have put the jeans in the wash when he got home anyway , due to the rain , but he hoped that the dirt wouldn 't get too deeply embedded in his shoes , or it might be a nightmare to get them clean again . Matthieu had taken point for the group and was the first to reach the top of their flight of stairs . Robin was a bit slower , generally , but she was also more attentive and that was a large part of why he was happy enough to work with her . The truth was that , in an investigation , Matthieu would always prefer to be partnered with Robin , because of how useful and practical she could be , but this time , with the opportunity of spending time with Evan arising , he had let it cloud his judgement . As he moved on and discovered things almost by dumb luck , Robin would hang back , taking in the scenery and spotting clues the others might miss entirely . When she reached the top of the stairs , she produced a small can from her bag and offered it to the Frenchman , " Here , just in case we run into him ahead of time . " Instinctively , Matthieu took hold of the can and weighed it in his hand . It was small , but it felt full , and as this was Robin , he had no reason to doubt that it had been freshly filled before setting off . She wasn 't the sort to bring half - filled cans around , because they always tended to run out at some stage . " Thanks , but are you sure I can have this ? Have you got another one for yourself ? " he asked , not wanting to deprive the girl of her only defence , but her nod was enough to tell him that Robin was prepared . He gave the can a slight shake and then clipped it to his belt . Only Robin would develop a custom - made pepper spray AND fit the cap with a belt clip . It was why she had the brightest flash light , the waterproof bag , the first aid equipment and almost anything else you could ever ask for . Ignoring the smell of wet dog , Matthieu squatted down to pat Scooby on the head , knowing that the Great Dane would need a bit of support to get him through , especially now that he was split up from Dylan . " See pal ? It 's not so bad , is it ? All you have to do is to stay alert for any sounds or smells that we aren 't picking up , alright ? You let us know if there 's anything going on . " Matthieu and the group found themselves on the west wing of the mansion 's upper tier . There wasn 't an obvious staircase up , so either the attic was only accessible from the east , or there would be a set of stairs in one of the rooms . " Hmmm , it could be anywhere , " murmured Matthew as he approached the nearest door . To his back was a balcony , overlooking the entrance to the mansion where all the sheeted furniture was , but in front of him was a corridor filled with doors . There were maybe ten or twelve , and the stairs had brought them up somewhere in the middle of the room . He knew that the gang had tried to get blueprints for the house before coming here , but they hadn 't had any luck , so there was no way of knowing which door was which . Releasing the handle , Matthieu turned to face Robin and Scooby . " I know we need to keep our eyes open for clues , but we 're not here on an investigation today , because we 're here to capture the Man - Bat . This is his mansion , his home , and that 's why we 're here . So we need to find his lair , rather than going through each room for clues . " He shrugged his shoulders at Robin , " Sorry , I know that 's not what you wanted to hear . I say we each just start opening these doors . If it 's a dead end , like a bathroom or something , then you can close it . If you find the stairs up , or there 's another door , then leave it open . Once we 've narrowed down our options it will be easier , because there are too many rooms for us to check them all now . I will head down to the far end , Scooby can work around the middle here , and Robin , you can go to the top end , alright ? " When Matthieu took charge , he felt a strange sense of confidence in his words and thoughts . It wasn 't as if he lacked confidence normally , indeed , some people would say he was too confident , perhaps even bordering on being cocky , but he wasn 't known for his intelligence . He didn 't do all that well in school , and he wasn 't good on facts or figures , but the experiences he had been through with Mystery Inc . had proven that he had a kind of intuitive intelligence , and in these situations , he found that somehow , he just knew what to do . Robin was the one with all the book smarts , he had a habit of following his gut , but if the two agreed on something then they were hardly ever wrong about it . " Oh , and if you find the Man - Bat , just scream , " he added , smiling darkly and moving towards the bottom of the corridor . His first door was the one he suspected to be the most likely to lead to the stairs up , as it was at the end of the corridor , but it proved to be a lot less interesting . It was actually just the mansion 's version of an airing cupboard , and was filled with towels and bed linen . He sighed , in disappointment , and closed the door . As Matthieu explained the team set ups , Dylan nodded and felt a sense of relief come over him . Not that he didn 't enjoy spending time with all of his friends , but he knew that Robin was more focused on the mission at hand then actually engaging with others socially , which he felt stunk . He liked that she was unmoving and focused when it came to the task at hand , but Dylan also knew she needed to have a little fun every now and again . Evan , on the other hand , was like Robin . She was just as smart ( although Robin spent more time inside of books , whereas she spent more time on the Internet ) , just as talented as Robin , and sometimes it seemed like she was the same person as Robin . At least , until you got down to their core personality traits . Evan , however , was much more social and actually seemed to like his company . Dylan rarely got the idea that Robin liked him just being part of the gang , let alone going with her to search for clues . In fact , normally Matthieu went with her while the " bumbling baboon " duo of Dylan and Scooby went together . Even to this day , they still were the first of the group to encounter the monster in almost every mystery they solved . Dylan knew that Evan had as much chance of being kidnapped by the creature as a rat with a limp had against a cat wanting to eat it : almost nothing . Dylan also knew that since they traveled to ScreamPeak Mountain , her and Matthieu had been making goo - goo eyes at each other . If there was one thing Dylan was amazing at , it was reading people . He often knew who the criminal was before they even unmasked him / her just by the way they acted and treated the gang . But , Dylan 's primary reason for going with Evan was her lack of speed . He knew that Evan was fast , but she always got captured . However , if Dylan picked her up and ran , they could cover much more ground . She wasn 't that heavy . In fact , Scooby was much heavier then the petite pretty girl . Dylan wondered if she ate anything more then salads , seeing how athletically slim she was . While Dylan was much appreciative of the groupings today , Scooby , seemed to be less then pleased . His entire body still shivered with fear from the encounter with the Man - Bat as he watched the group decide who would go with who . When Matthieu demanded that Scooby accompany himself and Robin , the Great Dane reluctantly whimpered and slowly walked forwards . He really didn 't want to be separated from Dylan , but also understood that his help was needed . As Matthieu and Robin walked away from the lobby , Scooby followed , sniffing the ground as he searched for any mysterious scents . Matthieu explained what he wanted Scooby to do , which forced the dog to nod and continue sniffing the ground , searching with the group . As Scooby walked away , Dylan turned to Evan , who began to strike up casual conversation . Smiling pleasantly at the kind act , Dylan pondered her question . " Am I excited for graduation ? " asked Dylan , looking up at nothing as he thought about an answer , " Yeah , I guess I am . I think I want to continue doing this with you guys , but that 's really up for debate . I mean , I 'm not sure if you guys want to keep this up . " The beams from the flashlights were shimmering in the dark corners of the house , forcing anything and everything to become seen . But as they marched through the darkness , Dylan looked at Evan and asked " How about you ? Any ideas on what you want to do after graduation ? " Gigantic wings fluttered outside , hauntingly dragging the large body they were attached to through the air . Rather then fly towards the house like it had before , the creature with pointed ears instead flew back into the nearby woods , charging through the trees until it came across a cave . Once inside , it landed and slowly proceeded further into the cave . As it walked , the creature suddenly came across a dark , hulking figure . Hissing at the figure , the creature almost seemed to communicate with the shadow . Once the creature 's voice died down , the figure nodded and smirked . " Perfect . . . Make sure they get exactly what they came here for . But make sure they also find . . . It . " said the figure before the winged creature hissed again and flew back out of the cave , headed for the house . Everything was going as according to plan . . . The question hit home a lot harder than Evan would have liked . There was a time when she had absolutely no idea as to what she was going to do after high school , but the fact that she did , made it that much harder to imagine life without the gang . " Yeah , well , I 'm looking forward to going to Harvard . " Dylan had been the first person Evan had told , and as she continued walking through the drafty dining room she cringed . The gang had never really discussed what was going to happen to them after they all went their separate ways , and even though she and Robin were likely to end up going to the same college , it was doubtful that they would make a great duo . " I got my acceptance letter a couple of weeks ago , my mum is thrilled . " The silence that followed seemed painfully long , but Evan was determined not to feel guilty for wanting to have some small semblance of a villain - free life ; but she was also aware that , that wasn 't all there was to it . They were friends , and had a moderately good time hanging out but Evan had often wondered if the only reason they work as a team is because each of them brings something different to the table . Without the mysterious , would they stay in contact or just fizzle out until their ten year reunion ? Evan continued walking and sighed , slightly irritated that there was no sign of the man - bat . He should have been somewhere or at least appeared to scare them off . " Where do you think this guy is ? " Evan asked , suddenly widening her eyes as she heard a footstep from above her . " You don 't think - - " Evan shook her head , " It 's probably just the others , right ? " The rain and thunder could be heard through a broken window in the next room and Evan desperately hoped the man - bat would appear soon , even if it meant being kidnapped , she just wanted to get the hell out of here . Matthieu was silly to think she 'd be anything but over - prepared for this particular mission . To prove her point , she followed and stood beside him to show him her own pepper spray . She dug it out of her bag , tossed it up in one hand , but almost dropped it and had to catch it with both , smiling with slightly pink cheeks before clipping the can to her jeans hastily . She lingered behind the boys ( Scooby included ) as they started slowly through the corridor at the top of the steps . She analyzed every step she took , watching the walls and taking it all in . There were endless clues to be found here and Robin wanted to investigate them all , but Matthieu spoke up and he was right when he said the Man - Bat could be anywhere . She quirked her lips . She knew that 's what they were here to find and then the investigation would be over , only exciting when the villain was unmasked . After that , there 's always a period of monotony before the next mystery . She was not looking forward to it . " I know we need to keep our eyes open for clues , but we 're not here on an investigation today , because we 're here to capture the Man - Bat . This is his mansion , his home , and that 's why we 're here . So we need to find his lair , rather than going through each room for clues . " He shrugged his shoulders at her , " Sorry , I know that 's not what you wanted to hear . I say we each just start opening these doors . If it 's a dead end , like a bathroom or something , then you can close it . If you find the stairs up , or there 's another door , then leave it open . Once we 've narrowed down our options it will be easier , because there are too many rooms for us to check them all now . I will head down to the far end , Scooby can work around the middle here , and Robin , you can go to the top end , alright ? " Robin sighed , but nodded reluctantly . He has a point and she would have to resist the urge to look for clues they no longer really needed . This is why Matthieu is considered the leader of the group . He knows just what to say , and keeps focused on the plan when some of the others tend to get caught up . She would d as he said and they would solve this mystery once and for all . They were already here . It 'd be easy . Maybe a little too easy at this point , but she hoped it would pay off . They were here to solve the mystery and help the people . Stop the murders . It 's time to end this . So she smiled slightly at Matthieu 's parting sentiment and walked off toward the top end of the hallway . The first two were guest rooms , the next was a bathroom , one was a storage room she really wanted to look through and the last . . . was a library . Robin bit her lip . C ' mon how could she keep herself from this ? ! She looked back at the others before stepping inside and running her hands along the spines . Not all of them were typical for a guy who would disguise himself as a Man - Bat and she wondered what treasures these books held . She was tempted to take a few , but they wouldn 't fit inside her messenger bag . It was always full and sure it weighed a little , but she couldn 't go without it . It felt like she was missing something without it . She always liked the feeling of wearing a backpack . She learns wherever she goes . Now most of these books were of typical coloring , dark blue , brown and black spines . But there was one that caught the eye . A dark red one at the back of the dusty room . Hm . . When she wandered over to it , sneakers squeezing just slightly , but there was no title on the spine . With a furrowed brow , she pulled it out , but it didn 't come out . It only bent because the bookshelf moved . It moved aside for her and she gasped at the dark hallway before her now . " Egads . . . " Robin smiled and stepped inside slowly , pulling out her flashlight to see , but just as she clicked it on , the bookshelf closed tight behind her . Robin spun around and turned back , slamming her hand against the wood that closed her in . " Matthieu ! Matthieu ! " She yelled , hoping he could hear her beyond the bookshelf and its library . She coughed in the dust and slapped her palm against the door that led her in over and over again , trembling in her cold wet clothes . She really hoped this corridor wasn 't soundproof . C ' mon . . . a clue behind a bookshelf . SO cliché ! As Scooby marched alongside Robin , every creak and moan , strike of lightning , and even footstep , made the Great Dane paranoid . He was already on the edge of leaving the Man - Bat a rather stinky present , but it didn 't help that he was so freaked out . Normally , he could cope with the scariness , but today was different somehow . Today , he felt totally helpless . For the duration of the entire mystery , Scooby had done nothing but run away from the beast and scream like an idiot . He could actually be brave ( when he tried hard enough ) , but something about this creature just made him uneasy . It didn 't act like a man in a suit . It had no motives . The evidence they found showed that the culprit ( who they believed was Winston Ulysses ) , was obviously after the inheritance of Leslie Jenkins - Worthington , but there was something to be said about the actual costume . Despite what they thought about it being made of Mubber , the costume itself was extremely detailed . Scooby had even seen the creature 's mouth extend so much that it was able devour an entire sheep ( thanks to video footage provided by a witness ) , so how could there be a person inside the suit ? It breathed , screeched , and did everything that a real life bat - creature could do . It didn 't make any sense , but then again , nether did anything they investigated . Why did crack - pots think dressing up as supernatural creatures was a good idea ? Scooby was suddenly pulled back to reality when he saw the group split apart . " Ruh ? " he exclaimed as he saw the two friends walking off , seemingly interested in the other rooms down the hallway . Just as Matthieu said , Scooby walked alongside Robin , slowly creeping through the halls until they came across a dust - covered library . Scooby halted in the doorway and watched as Robin began approaching the dust - ridden bookcases , wanting to investigate the endless realm of knowledge that was stored here . " Robin , rhere 's no rime for rowsing ! " said Scooby in a serious tone , walking towards her as she began to pull books from the shelf . Suddenly , as she pulled a red book from the shelf , the entire bookcase moved on a wedge and opened up into a dark corridor . Scooby , seeing this from afar , instantly began to walk towards her , wishing that something bad wouldn 't happen . Then , just as he predicted , something bad happened . The bookcase spun around again and shut Robin inside the corridor . " ROBIN ! " Scooby exclaimed in shock before he began running towards the case , hearing the brown haired girl 's screams for help . " Ron 't worry , Robin ! Ray calm ! " explained Scooby . As the faint banging continued , Scooby began looking for a way to open the door . His eyes looked up to the red book she had pulled before . Pulling it , Scooby watched as the door opened again , but not for long . Just as it was open , Scooby dashed over to the other side of the room and grabbed a nearby stack of books . Running on his hind paws , Scooby dashed like a madman towards the now sealing secret entrance . Just as it was inches away from sealing again , Scooby jammed the books into the crack and wedged it open , allowing ample space for a human ( or dog ) to pass through . Sighing with relief , Scooby smiled at Robin and nodded slightly . " Rar you rokay ? " asked Scooby as he walked into the corridor , dropping back onto his front paws . Just as he entered the corridor , something caught his eye . It was a glowing green object in the distance , faintly shimmering in the darkness . Robin couldn 't have seen it unless she aimed her flashlight at it , but Scooby 's eyesight allowed him to see it . Slowly creeping towards the light , Scooby was amazed to discover that the source was none other then three straight lines made out of Emerald . The Emeralds were holstered to the front of what looked like an old treasure chest . It was decrepit , falling apart , and absolutely covered in dust . Blowing some of the dust from its surface , Scooby also noticed a rather large padlock that had a oddly shaped key slot . The lock seemed as though it couldn 't be picked open , and only the key could break the seal . " Robin ! Rook what ri found ! Rits a reasure chest ! " Dylan , nodded at Evan . He totally understood that she wanted to go to college / university , but he also saw a hint of hesitation . She hadn 't really considered what would happen after they graduated , did she ? What would happen to the group . Would they stay friends , or split apart ? All of these questions and more , but she had never once thought about the answers . Just as he was about to change the subject , Dylan found his foot suddenly crashing through a piece of old , rotten wood in the floor . " WOAH ! " he exclaimed in a surprised voice as he plummeted a few inches down , feeling the hardened stone of the foundation hit the bottom of his foot as he landed . Groaning a little , Dylan looked back up at Evan and shrugged . " Watch your step , Evan . . . This place should 've been condemned . " he casually said , taking his foot out from the hole in the floor . Just as he moved , he heard the jingle of what sounded like metal . Once his foot was out , Dylan bent over and looked inside the hole , discovering a shiny red object at the bottom . " What 's this ? " asked Dylan as he reached an arm down to grab it . Once it was in his hand , Dylan pulled the object out and opened his palm . " That 's weird . Who hides a key under the floor ? " Looking up at Evan as he held the golden key , Dylan managed to get a better look at it . It was gold alright , but it was obviously aged . It was still shiny in some spots , but most of the sheen had been worn away by time . Rater then have a normal part which one would insert into a lock , this key had a rounded end with a design that resembled a demonic summoning circle . At the opposite end of the handle , was a golden demon head . The head had an open mouth , complete with jagged teeth , and wore a menacing expression upon its face . Its six small eyes were seemingly made out of Rubies , which Dylan figured was what he had seen when the key was at the bottom of the hole . Standing up , Dylan examined the key a bit more before putting it into his pocket . " Must be some kind of a Skeleton Key or something . It might open every door in the house . That would be useful . " Dylan said to Evan with a shrug . " If nothing else , it 'll make for a great souvenir . " Turning back to the hallway , Dylan saw that the only room ahead of them was what appeared to be the kitchen / dining hall . Waving a hand to Evan , Dylan proceeded further into the room . That 's when he felt the breeze . A chill was sent down his spine as the wind came flying in from outside , filling the dining hall with rainwater and the cracking sounds of thunder roaring in the distance . Aiming his flashlight into the room , Dylan scanned the objects inside until he finally saw the open window . Then , he froze . Standing inside the windowsill , crouched with its wings expanded , was the Man - Bat . It sat there , watching Dylan with its glowing white eyes , before letting out an extremely loud and bellowing screech ( 0 : 44 is the scream ) , flapping its wings menacingly . " E - Evan . . . I - I think it might be angry . . . Y - You should . . . P - Probably start r - running . . . " Iwaku is a roleplay community . We don 't just write stories - we live them ! Roleplaying is stepping in to the life of a character and experiencing what they experience . Here on Iwaku , we 're all about giving you the freedom to write anything you want while providing a safe and friendly community to do it in . Our site contains forum roleplay , chat roleplay , group roleplay , private roleplay , as well as other methods for living your stories . We are a community ran by REAL PEOPLE ! We are not a corporation or a company . Our server , domain , and software licenses are privately owned and paid for 100 % out of our own pockets . To help pay for these monthly costs , we are more than happy to take donations from members in exchange for super spiffy extra tools and features on the boards . For more information you can view our Donating FAQs . |
It 's been a pretty typical week , so I 'll spare you the details . Except I did get my hair cut on Wednesday , which was very luxurious . The hair - washing - guy gave me a 15 minute head and neck massage , and the chairs in front of the hair - washing - bowl - things were massaging chairs . It was delightful . And I like the guy who cut my hair , but it definitely wasn 't just the trim I asked for . He cut in lots of layers , so it feels lighter , which is good , but I 'm not sure it 's a flattering hairstyle . Once I figure out how to style it myself I 'll take pictures and let you be the judge . I also got my birthday present from Thomas , I 'm not sure if it 's the same ring or not , but I love it . And today , Thursday , I got a shellac manicure to tide me over until after Christmas . I actually wear it on my right hand , but I can 't take a decent picture with my left . Today is my wedding anniversary with Thomas . We 've been married now for nine years ( did the title give it away ? ) . It feels like a long time ago , but also not long at all . From Columbia SC to Greenville SC to Arlington VA and now Amman Jordan , he 's still my favorite person and the person I most want to hang out with . I 'm so blessed , he 's a fantastic husband and father . We ate at the embassy for dinner tonight , they had traditional holiday food and some delicious desserts . It was fun to see friends and catch up a little , then we put Benjamin to bed early . It promises to be a relaxing evening , watching " The Wire " , season four . Happy Anniversary ! And that 's it for me , I 'm going to take a little break for a week or so . Have a very Merry Christmas ! Wishing you the peace of Christ and the joy of His hope . Last weekend Benjamin was just getting over his cold , but then it came back even worse . Thomas missed work on Sunday after catching it too . It was nice to have an extra day to hang out at home , despite the continued coughing and runny noses . I went to the embassy to pick up mail , and we finally got our new camera . We 'd pulled the trigger on it a while back , but Amazon wouldn 't ship it to us , so my parents were kind enough to put it in a box and mail it to us . Thanks , parents ! Monday Thomas went back to work and I had class , then ate lunch at the embassy as usual . I did a lot of running around grocery stores because I hosted book club Tuesday night . I went to Safeway for the first time , and I was embarrassed I hadn 't gone before , after seeing how easy it was to get to . They had a lot of Christmas stuff , specifically candy canes , which I needed for some peppermint chex mix which I made for book club . Book club was super fun , I completely overdid it on the food . I made a cheese ball and put almonds on it so it looked like a pinecone . It was a huge hit . I also made this cheesy sausage dip , which is my favorite thing ever . I found this recipe for mini fruit cups , and I 'm totally addicted now . I also made them for church on Friday morning , and there were no leftovers . I just used kiwis and strawberries , since it 's Christmas and I wanted red and green . But I 'm sure they 'd taste awesome with an assortment of different fruit . We talked about " Gone Girl " and random stuff , then decided to read " Sweet Tooth " by Ian McEwan for next month . I 'm excited , the only thing I 've read by him is " Atonement " and I loved it . The ending was shocking , so I 'm looking forward to this next one . Wednesday I woke up with the awful cold , but suffered through and went to class . I was so relieved to come home to a clean house . Emy did the dishes from the night before , which was amazing . I went to see Emily , from my Arabic class , and her new little girl Charlotte , and it was so nice to see a teeny baby . I 'd completely forgotten how small they are ! Too cute . I didn 't stay long , and I kept my distance to keep from spreading my germs around . Hopefully when I 'm better we can hang out some more . Afterwards I went to the grocery store and fruit guy , and I was totally excited that he had cilantro . Such a relief , I wanted it for chili and hadn 't seen it at Spinny 's , which usually has everything . Thursday I got nails done and then cooked some food in preparation for Friday morning . The girl who I went with and I both got glitter top layers on our ring fingers . The nail lady said it was a thing , and I like it . Not sure I 'll get it again , but it 's fun for now . Very festive . Yay for long - ish nails ! Friday we hosted church and I made chicken chili and the fruit puffs . I also served the rest of the cheese ball , which went pretty quickly . It was fun having everyone here and I think it went pretty smoothly . I was in the kitchen most of the time , chopping up fruit and toppings for the chili . I had asked Emy to come help clean up at 12 : 30 , but people were hanging out and talking , so she came in and started washing dishes while people were still here . ( I had used my Christmas plates instead of paper , so there were lots more dishes than usual . ) After everyone left , Thomas and I tried to pick up as much as possible , then rested during Ben 's nap . I woke up about 3 : 30 , and everything was clean and she had gotten Benjamin up from his nap . It was glorious to have a clean house after the chaos and mess of church . After she left , we just hung out until I left to go to a cookie decorating party hosted by a friend who lives around the corner . That was really fun . She had made a ton of cookie dough and we cut out cute shapes and had a blast with frosting and decorating . I met a few new ladies and had lots of fun getting some girl time . I finally made it home about 7pm , and Thomas was ready to let me take over putting Benjamin to bed . Today , Saturday , was really low key and nice . I slept until 11 : 15 , and Thomas told me that Benjamin slept until 10 : 30 . That is completely unheard of , but it must be the cold . I think we 're finally getting better , I don 't wake up hacking in the middle of the night anymore . Fingers crossed it will finally go away . This afternoon we went to a Christmas party and saw some embassy people . Benjamin was really clingy but eventually would wander away for a minute and then come back , mostly to eat raisins . We stayed until 7pm , then came home to put him to bed . I 'm so glad that we 've done Christmassy things , it definitely puts me in the Christmas mood . Weirdly the weather has been a little warm , so it hasn 't felt super festive . I 'm sure that will change in January , the rainy season is coming . Here are some tree close - ups to end this gigantic post . Down to business . Thursday was my 32nd birthday , but it was mostly a normal Thursday . Thomas went to work , Benjamin and I had a playdate at the embassy playground ( which we were super late for , he actually slept in until 9am ) and then ate lunch with Thomas . I begged him to come home and he took off early , which was awesome . I had planned to nap while Benjamin was down , but ended up just surfing the internet and hanging out . After Benjamin woke up we did " stocking " presents , since I 'm trying to spread out the excitement and not just have one day full of stuff . And Thomas and I opened a Christmas present each , then I opened my birthday present . ( The back - up , since my big present was squashed . ) I got Ben some cute socks from Land 's End , but they 're too big . Oh well . And he opened a box of Ikea train stuff , some extra tracks and bridges and a couple more train cars . It 's been fun playing with him , he 's getting a little more interested in it . We ate dinner at the embassy , it was Tex - Mex night . We got there right before a tree lighting celebration , there was a kids choir that sang carols and they had hot cider . It was super cute . After the tree lights came on we headed inside for dinner , it was getting chilly out . ( Low 50s . I know , bring on the parkas . ) The food was passable and it was nice to see random friends out and about . We went home and settled in to watch TV on Hulu . Friday we made it to church finally , and it was fun to see everyone and catch up a bit . I stayed with Benjamin and the kids , but it was a good time to talk with a couple other moms . Hopefully I can get into the sermon next week . We ate lunch as usual and then headed home . While Ben napped , I went out with a girl from book club to Swefieh , a dense shopping neighborhood close by . ( Baraka mall , where we see our movies , is in Swefieh . ) We went into a spice and nuts store , I got some roasted almonds and cashews and pistachios . They were a little pricey , but delicious . We stopped in a couple housewares stores that had Christmas items , a surprise . I thought about getting a tablecloth or something , but I decided to wait . Nothing is nearly as cute as something from Target , so I might just get something on sale after Christmas and save it for next year . I 'm kicking myself for not bringing any table linens . Argh . Later the four of us went out for dinner to the Jalapeno Grill place , which was great . The salsa is the best I 've had here . We hung out and had the run of the place , since no locals eat dinner until 8pm . They give you lots of food , I ended up getting most of mine to go . It was a fun day , but it felt busy compared to our normal house - bound weekend . Saturday , today , Thomas let me sleep in / stay in bed until 11am , which was glorious . We really took it easy , except for eating lunch out at Taj Mall and shopping at Spinneys . Benjamin was quite a handful , I think we 're getting into the toddler phase of not being able to sit still at a restaurant for any length of time . There weren 't any movies out that we wanted to see , otherwise I would have had Emy babysit . Maybe next weekend . Benjamin went down late for his nap , close to 2pm instead of 1pm . And he had some attitude this evening . He 's understanding more than he can communicate and he gets so frustrated . I got some " new " books ( thanks , Sarah and Cassondra ! ) from a storage shelf in the playroom to add to the rotation , and he now loves " Chicka Chicka Boom Boom " . We read it three times just tonight . I need to start rotating toys and books more so he gets some variety . Otherwise he 'll ask for Frog and Toad , Olivia and the big Richard Scarry Word Book over and over . My brain starts to liquefy after a while with all the repetition . I had been excited to teach him some letters and numbers , along with colors and shapes . But I got caught in an internet wormhole of opinions , where one site advocated waiting on that stuff until after they can communicate effectively their wants and needs . What have y ' all done with your almost - 2s ? I don 't want to make him memorize stuff just so I feel like I 'm being a successful parent . But I also don 't want to be too neglectful . Thoughts ? Tonight we 're just hanging out and taking it easy . Poor Thomas is coming down with a raging cold , his voice has turned very froggy in the space of an afternoon . I 'm going to try and avoid catching it , since one parent at a time is more than enough . Thankfully Benjamin seems to be totally over his sickness , his nose didn 't run at all today . Hooray ! But his teething might be back in full force , at least that 's how I 'm justifying his brattiness tonight . Sigh . I 'm glad for this past year , despite the events in September . I 'm grateful for my God , my family and my friends . I 'm thankful for general good health , and praying hard for another baby in my 32nd year . Feel free to join me . : - ) This week 's been fun . Monday instead of class ( our teacher was sick ) Laura and Emily and I met to study . I was able to complete the homework due that day ( perfect timing ) and hang out with them , which was great . We ate lunch together too , with Emily 's husband . It turned out that she had her baby that night , so I 'm glad we got to chat a bit before she disappeared into the craziness of new parenthood . I 'll hopefully get to meet the baby in January , I 'm a fan of the hands - off approach for the first few weeks after a friend gives birth Tuesday I took Benjamin to the playground at the embassy in the morning so we could get out of the house and also eat lunch with Thomas afterward . A few Christmas presents from my parents showed up , which is exciting . Thomas hates wrapping things , but I refuse to wrap a present for myself . So I 'll end up with a garbage bag plus bow under the tree . My birthday present came , but had been literally run over by a truck ( there were tire marks on the envelope ) so Thomas mailed it back to the lady to fix . I know it 'll be at least a month before we get it back , since I 'm sure she 's very busy with Christmas orders . Oh well . I get the fun of anticipation for a little while longer . Benjamin 's had a cold for about the past week , and his nose is super crusty and gross . I 've been chipping away at it and he 's started saying " gunky " after I used that word to describe his nose . Too funny . And he knows the number 5 , he 'll bring me the refrigerator magnet and say " five " . I 'm constantly amazed at how much he 's absorbing . He repeats a lot of what I say , which is adorable . But I need to watch what I say in the car , I call people idiots way too often . I 've been reading " Outlander " on my Christmas present from Thomas , a Nook . I opened it early so I could read " Gone Girl " for book club . And I 'd heard good things about it from lots of people , so I borrowed it from Arlington library 's electronic lending catalog . Yay for free stuff ! I don 't know that I would pay money for it , it 's a little silly but fun and the author is good at description and making you feel like you 're invested in the characters . It 's a little steamier than what I typically pick to read , so be warned if you decide to read it . Yeah , tomorrow is my birthday . I don 't know if it 's hormonal or what , but I 've been a little sad recently . And today playing with Benjamin I started thinking about turning 32 and not being pregnant , and being far from home and family , and cried a little . ( Not that I would see family on my birthday anyway , but I 'm usually looking forward to Christmas and spending it with my parents . ) If we were in Arlington , Alison would babysit Benjamin and we would eat at Ray 's the Steaks ( which is amazing ) . Not that this is worse , it 's just different . Time to suck it up . See you on the other side , It 's been a good day . Benjamin woke up at 8am , which was pretty good for him being sick . I finally got tired of his hair needing some touching up in the back and gave him a quick trim . The first picture is an old one . Notice the line on the back of his head from where I cut it the first time . He was pretty fussy in the morning , though . I decided to take him to the embassy for lunch to have a change of scene . We met up with Thomas and had a good time , then headed home so Benjamin could take a nap . I went through the blog and tried to update any links back to old posts . It took a while , and then he woke up . Lately Benjamin 's been loving " Stellaluna " and Richard Scarry 's " Big Word Book " . I think he 's recognizing more letters and numbers , but I 'm not very diligent about going through with him on any sort of schedule . I want him to just play and we 'll start working on " school " later . But we read a lot and I 'll ask him to tell me the colors of his crayons and letter magnets . He does really well , so that 's exciting . I know there 's a whole world of pre - preschool stuff I could be doing , but I 'm loath to get too crazy about that stuff . Hopefully we have another year or so before that will be a major part of our lives . This afternoon I went around the house , figuring out where we should hang our art . Since I 'm hosting book club next , I want to make the house look a little more put - together . And it just needs to happen , so our pictures aren 't just sitting on couches and looking forlorn . I put my Barcelona painting over the fireplace in the family room , and I like it . It helps the stockings look less lonely . I finally bought some silver polish at the grocery store a couple days ago and today I polished some serving dishes my mom had given me ages ago . ( Again , in preparation for book club . ) And I also cleaned up a ring that I wore constantly many years ago . I 'm positive that I bought it in Columbia , probably at Handpicked ( the shop for sorority girls ) ; it 's monogrammed of course . This picture is proof that my nails are finally recovering from my relapse a month or so ago . I can 't believe it 's December , and my birthday is imminent . Thirty - two . It 's not young , but it 's not old . I have so much to be grateful for , but I keep thinking about being older and not pregnant . Ugh . I need to give it / everything to God and just trust His plan , whatever it may be . But I 'm really clinging to some grief or anger , or something . I want what I want . I think what I need is patience . Right now . : - ) Ok , time to wrap it up . - Rachel Posted by Secondly , let me say that it 's tough to root for Alabama , but I just find it impossible to pull for Georgia in the SEC championship game tonight . I 'm sad that it starts too late for us to watch it ( 11pm ) . Also I 'm very proud of the USC Gamecocks this year , we did great and there 's not much better than beating Clemson for the fourth year in a row . Go Cocks ! And back to the recap . Wednesday I had class then ate lunch with Emily , which was really fun . I love getting out a couple times a week and having adult conversations . Thursday Benjamin and I went grocery shopping , then ate lunch with Thomas at the embassy . Emy came and babysat for a couple hours so I could get nails done with Heather and Emily . I 'm glad that I was able to get them done , since Kristin left I wasn 't sure anyone would want to be my nail buddy . And now I feel much better , with pretty nails . A while back I bit them back down , but they 're slowly growing back . After Benjamin woke up from his nap we went to the embassy again to play outside and met up with friends . We ate dinner in the club , it was surf and turf night . I got the salmon , which was pretty bad . Too much salty sauce - stuff . I used to cook salmon all the time , nothing fancy , just baked in the oven and served with broccoli and rice . I 'm a little suspicious of the fish here , but I just need to try some of the frozen stuff . I think that might be safer . Friday we skipped church yet again , since Benjamin was sick and we didn 't want to infect the other kids ( and adults ) . We hung out at home and let Benjamin just cough and sneeze everywhere . I stayed up unwisely late ( 2 : 30am ) reading the latest book club pick : " Gone Girl " . It was pretty good , sort of a thriller / mystery . The ending is a little flat , but I liked it . Today , Saturday , Thomas let me sleep in since I was wrecked , which was fantastic . And Benjamin slept until 9am , so that was a nice surprise . He 's still sick , snotty and crusty and pretty fussy most of the time . Thomas gets the husband of the year award for letting me go out to see the last Twilight movie with a girlfriend tonight , and eat dinner out afterward . We found a pretty decent Mexican place and had a good time just chatting . Yay for girls nights . Now Thomas and I are watching " Friends with Kids " and chilling out . It 's been a good weekend , despite Benjamin 's fussiness . Now I need to go back through the blog and change any links I hadAdios , Thanksgiving day was great , Thomas was in charge of the turkey and I did all the sides . We had one lady from his office come over , she 's in town temporarily but will be moving here over the summer with her husband and toddler girl , who is close to Ben 's age . She 's nice and we had a good time eating and chatting for a couple hours . She 's staying in a hotel that has a little kitchen area , so I got to send her home with leftovers . Our fridge looked ridiculous after everything went in . I did the usual green bean casserole , some frozen rolls that you let rise for 4 hours before putting in the oven ( delicious ! ) and roasted carrots . I made the Pioneer Woman 's recipe for mashed potatoes , and did them the day before . They turned out great , and I 'll be using that trick from now on . I wanted to make a sweet potato casserole , but that would have been major overkill . I made two pumpkin pies , and took the second one over to friends ' house for dinner a couple days later . After eating and lounging on turkey day , Thomas put up the tree my parents generously gave us . They didn 't want to deal with such a tall tree anymore , and it fits perfectly in our apartment . We slowly decorated it over a couple days , so I 'll have to take another picture of the finished tree . Friday we skipped church because Benjamin slept late and I felt bad . ( Thanks a lot , menstruation . ) I had been foolishly hoping that I was pregnant , but no , it 's just my cycles being weird . I was a little depressed , but I 'm trying to hope while also being thankful for what I have now . Maybe it 's normal , but I 'm always looking for the next thing instead of just being content . And a lot of people on Facebook are pregnant , which makes the lows even lower . Not that I begrudge them at all the happiness of babies , but it 's more , " why not me too ? " . Juvenile and petty . I think because I 'm a lot younger than my siblings that I want what 's " fair " . And that 's not how God works . And obviously we have Benjamin , which is amazing . I don 't want to come across as ungrateful , because even when times are rough I 'm so glad we have him . But . . . I just want another child . And I 'm trying to be patient , but it 's hard to know that we 're here two years before we can adopt . Probably I could start looking into all that before we move back home . But we also need to figure out whether to sell our old place and buy something bigger . Or go back to our teeny house and save money to adopt . But then we 'd need a bigger house anyway . Or at least to renovate ours to make it habitable for two kids . And this is my psycho planning running away from me . Moving on . . . Saturday Thomas and I got to see " Argo " in the theater , which was great . It 's so fun to get out of the house for a bit and have a date . Even if it 's eating lunch at McDonalds in the mall food court . The movie was great , I 'm an unabashed Ben Affleck fan . And it 's just so interesting , I can 't imagine the stress of being in an embassy that 's being invaded . The first few minutes were a little frightening to me , honestly . But inshallah we won 't ever experience that . Saturday night we ate dinner with friends , a nice break from Thanksgiving leftovers . Sunday Thomas went back to work and Benjamin and I met up with Rebecca and Matthew for a play date at the embassy . That was great fun , and then we ate lunch with Thomas afterward . Win win . Monday I had class and lunch again with Thomas . We got our stocking hook - things in the mail , so they are now hung . We didn 't have a fireplace in Arlington and always stayed in Aiken for Christmas where my mom had the stockings , so this is the first time we have hung them in our own place . Pretty weird . And I realized today that we 'll be here for Christmas next year too . Freaking . me . out . After Thomas put in the request last week , a guy finally came to the apartment and turned on the heat . Sadly , there 's no way to regulate the temperature , it 's on full blast or it 's off . So last night was miserable and sweaty . I turned the switch off this morning to let the house cool down a bit , but then the water wasn 't getting hot . So strange . But , now we know , and Thomas will just have to remember to flip the switch before taking his shower in the morning . Today , Tuesday , we just hung out at home while Thomas was at work . Benjamin 's been a little fussy today , I 'm not sure if he 's getting a cold or what . He 's sneezing a lot , and a bit snotty . And has some attitude as well . Fingers crossed it 's just a phase or teething , I don 't want him being sick . Over the weekend we took some Christmas pictures of Benjamin in front of the tree , and ordered Christmas cards . They 'll probably get to people at the end of January , but oh well . Look deeply into my eyes . Give me toys . And now it 's time for Arabic homework . I 'm hoping we can start on the alphabet soon , but I think my teacher is waiting for us to really grasp some more verbs and vocabulary . We 're working on " to eat breakfast " and " to eat lunch " . Yes , they are very specific . Not super quick , but at least there were pictures , right ? My son , Benjamin . When I think of how challenging it is to conceive , and having lost a baby two months ago , I 'm surprised and grateful for this little miracle . I pray continuously that God will give us more children , but I 'm trying to accept what each day brings and not be so discontent . My siblings . My brother is the coolest guy to walk the planet , and my sister is the nicest person in our family . I 'm also thankful for their spouses and children . And I 'm missing them all lots today . My in - laws . They are loving and constantly support us in prayer . My sister - in - law is the little sister I never had . Incredibly blessed by them . The chance to live overseas . Even though Amman would have never figured on any list I would have made of places to live . Praying for stability and calm despite trying times for the local populace , but I haven 't felt unsafe here . Hoping that continues . Good friends here . It 's been so nice to be warmly welcomed by so many new people . My Arabic class . I really like my classmates , Laura and Emily . And I 'm so glad to be learning a language again . After majoring in German , I lost most of it by not practicing . I hope that I can spend two years working on Arabic and getting okay at it , and that I can keep it up back in VA . Our apartment . I love having lots of space . The kitchen is amazing . Having a standard size stove is the best . The beginning of the Christmas season . We put up the Christmas tree tonight , my parents gave us the one they used for a few years before deciding to downsize a little . It was so magical turning on the tree lights and listening to some Sinatra carols . I do miss being home , but it 's nice to have some " normality " . I 'm glad I have a Savior who paid everything for me so I could be in a right relationship with God . I 'm grateful that I can do absolutely nothing to contribute . I 'm resting completely in His arms . Friday morning we went to church and I enjoyed sitting in on the sermon this week , since last time Thomas took the turn . ( Benjamin usually needs one of us around , so we can 't both sit and listen / participate . ) On the way home we stopped by the fruit guy and the grocery store so I could grab bread and some other things . And guess what I found . . . evaporated milk ! In the tiny corner store ! I was so excited . I bought two cans because I have a gigantic can of pumpkin which makes two pies . I was thinking about also getting a frozen apple pie and making a chocolate chess pie ( my all - time favorite ) but I might wait on those . It might only be three of us for Thanksgiving , which is fine , but we 'll have leftovers for weeks . Thank goodness we have the extra freezer ! I might actually use it soon . Saturday we took it pretty easy , until Emy arrived at 7pm and we rode with Kristin and Karl out to dinner at Levant , a nice restaurant . They serve family - style , and we had a green chopped salad thing , a very spicy carrot salad , some super - fresh bread , hummus of course , and then shawarma on a spit . We also had freekeh with cheese , and haloumi cheese wrapped in a crunchy shell - thing . It was all delicious and we stayed for dessert and hot tea afterward . This was a goodbye meal of sorts for them , they left today ( Monday ) to head back home after a vacation stop on the way . And Benjamin did great with being put to bed by Emy , so that 's awesome . I see many more night dates in our future . . . Sunday Thomas went to work and Benjamin and I went to the Children 's Museum and met Rebecca and Matthew . It was lots of fun , except I 'd forgotten my phone at home . But we found each other eventually and had a good time . It 's amazing how on - the - go Benjamin in , I just have to run after him . He zooms around the museum , looks at a few things , then keeps on going . It 's good for him to have space to roam , and probably good for me too . We got home in time for lunch , which Benjamin didn 't eat , then he took a nap and I made brownies in preparation for Kristin and Karl and the boys to come over . It was their last night and since all their stuff had been shipped and packed , we thought it would be fun for the boys to play here and just get one last chance to hang out . I picked them up around 4pm and it was great fun having the boys run around , and getting to chat with Kristin . Thomas grilled steaks for dinner and afterward I drove them home . I 'm so bummed that they 're gone , and it probably will hit me more when I want to get nails done or just have a fun playdate . But I 'm so blessed to know them , and confident we 'll get to see each other again . Monday I went to class and shopped at the co - op , as usual . I got to rest on the couch for a while before Benjamin got up from his nap , then we played until Thomas got home . Thankfully we had a lot of leftovers , so that made dinner super easy . I wrote to this point in the blog and tried to add pictures , but I think Google was having issues because it was incredibly slooooooowwwwww . So I eventually gave up before hurling my loveable MacBook Air to the ground . Which would make me sad . Which bring us to today , Tuesday . Ben and I got to Spinney 's pretty early , around 9 : 15am . I grabbed some potatoes and other random stuff before heading back home . After I washed some dishes and Benjamin played a bit we drove to the embassy and ran around the park a little , and saw Rebecca and Matthew again . We hung out until Thomas came down and then we went to the cafe for lunch . Thomas had a work hang - out in the evening so I started the Ken Burns documentary on the Shakers . Pretty interesting so far . I love their architecture . Tuesday was fun but busy . In the morning I met at the nearby park with Rebecca , with whom we had a playdate last week . Then in the afternoon I caught up a little with Emily , who takes Arabic with me and Laura . We meant to have a study session , but Laura got held up so the two of us just chatted for a while , which was nice . After dinner I went to book club , which is always a blast . I was nervous driving at night , but thankfully I sort - of knew where I was going , and made it without incident . We read " What Happened to Sophie Wilder " , which was interesting . I think we all agreed that we would need to read it again , and it was helpful to discuss with other people . One thing I dislike in fiction is when the main character is a writer . In this book both the title character and the protagonist are writers , and it just annoys me . I get the old adage to write what you know , but it 's a little navel - gazing and pedantic . The beginning of the book especially was a little literary - snobbish . We get it , you like the Beats . Congratulations . Anyway , dismounting the soapbox . Next up , we 're reading " Gone Girl " , which sounds fun . Wednesday I had Arabic class , then ate lunch with Thomas . We ran into Kristin and family , and decided to do an impromptu nails session that afternoon . I ran into the co - op and bought a turkey and some other stuff for Thanksgiving . Still in search of evaporated milk , though . They carry condensed , of which I already have two cans . For pumpkin pie you need evaporated , so I 'm going to check around to see if any local grocery stores carry it . Fingers crossed ! I dropped the groceries at home and made sure Emy could stay a little longer , since the nails appointment was later than I normally make . I ran to the nails place and got started early , then Kristin came and we got to talk while getting all fancy . They 're leaving next week , so it was great to get one last mani / pedi in before they skip town . Sniff . I was a little late getting home , and I felt terrible because Emy had to call her sponsor to say she would be a little late getting to their house . ( She works for them in the afternoon after she leaves us . ) She said it was fine , but I hate being late for anything . I am very much my father 's daughter in that regard . Thursday ( today ) was a holiday , it 's Islamic New Year . Emy came over this afternoon and Thomas and I got to see " Skyfall " , the new Bond movie . It was fantastic ! I really loved " Casino Royale " , I hadn 't been a big Bond person before but that totally hooked me . And then " Quantum of Solace " was so dumb , I can 't even remember the plot . This , from the person who had the entirety of " So I Married an Axe Murderer " memorized . I had heard good things about this installment , and it didn 't disappoint . We came home and ate dinner , then I headed out again with Kristin to a Turkish bath . I 'd never been to a Turkish bath before , and it was a bit of an indulgence at 40JD . But man , it was fantastic . First you soak in a hot tub with a bottle of water , then you sit in the steam room and they bring you an icy , fruity drink . I had to bail on the steam early , I felt like I couldn 't breathe after a while . Then they lay you out on a heated marble table and scrub you with a loofah , then a soapy pillowcase gets dropped on you and they cover you with suds . There 's a massage , and then a lady uses body scrub on you . At the end , you 're completely relaxed and soft like butter . There 's a little room where you can get hot tea and sweets at the end , but sadly they were out of sweets tonight . It was still fun to just sit and talk , though . It was so fun to go , and helpful that Kristin had been before and knew the ropes . Now I 'm prepared to take any female friends that might be interested ! I 'm not sure I could do it very often , although there are some cheaper options without the body scrub part . And you get to keep the loofahs that they use , which is fun . But there were packages ranging up to 160JD , and I can 't even imagine what you get for that amount of money . ( The descriptions were all in Arabic . Maybe in two years I can read it . ) So that 's the news for the week , it 's great to have another long weekend and be able to chill out . I 'm grateful that Emy has been available to babysit . I 'd love to see another movie next weekend , we 'll just have to see . If " Looper " is still out , that looks pretty cool . I know a bunch of fun stuff usually comes out in the fall . Oh and I really want to see " Argo " too . And naturally , the latest " Twilight " movie . But that will most likely be a girls - only event . : - ) Oh and yes , there are protests and things happening in Jordan over the removal of fuel subsidies . Please pray for peace and that things won 't turn violent . Or more violent then they already have . Thankfully everything seemed pretty normal at the mall today , but we want to be prepared for any eventuality . I 'm trying to trust that God is in control , but I also need to have a game plan for what we 'd do if things get worse . Hoping to work on that a little this weekend . I really want to see more of Amman , but I get nervous about leaving our little enclave of Western - friendly neighborhoods . I don 't want to be ruled by fear , but I don 't want to put us in any danger by being reckless or stupid . Pray for wisdom for us , and safety . I took these pictures yesterday and forgot to add them to the previous post . The glasses are actually sunglasses ( with the lenses popped out ) that we got from a birthday party goody bag ( thanks Gretchen ! ) . Mom , I look like you ! Today was pretty normal , had Arabic class and lunch with Thomas , then shopped at the co - op before heading home . I 'm crossing my fingers that there will be turkeys left to buy on Wednesday . I still need to get some green beans for the casserole , and a few other sides lined up . For now it 's just the three of us for Thanksgiving , but I 'm planning to do the whole shebang in case we find people to invite before next Thursday . The weather here has officially turned wintery . It 's rained two days in a row ( what ? ? ) and the temps are in the 60s . Tomorrow should be sunny again and I 'm so ready for it . I 've definitely gotten used to having sunshine all the time and I miss it when it leaves . This is a short work week , yesterday was the Veterans Day holiday and Thursday is Islamic New Year , so only three days of work . Pretty nice . I don 't know if we 'll do anything big , maybe just check out some more of Amman . It 's nice to have some hang - out time with Thomas , since he was gone all last week . Tonight we caught up on Nashville . I 'm hoping for some more good songs , the past couple weeks haven 't kept them coming . I 'll wrap this up with today 's portrait of Benjamin . I can 't believe Thanksgiving is a week away . Where has the time gone ? I 'm honestly heartbroken that I won 't spend it with my family , that 's usually the one guaranteed time we all get together . What are y ' all doing for the holiday ? |
As soon as I landed at DIA the other night , a whole new wave of grief washed over me . Front and center again . Everywhere I go reminds me of you ; there is always a connection . I am trying to shift from sometimes feeling anxious / sad / overwhelmed when I think of you to rather holding onto the good . A friend shared with me today a passage from a poem written by Mary Oliver , and I thought you would just love it : maybe death isn 't darkness , after all , but so much light wrapping itself around us - as soft as feathers - that we are instantly weary of looking , and looking , and shut our eyes , not without amazement , and let ourselves be carried , as through the translucence of mica , to the river that is without the least dapple or shadow , that is nothing but light - scalding , aortal light - in which we are washed and washedout of our bones . So I 'm trying to shift from the darkness and instead hold onto the light you created in this world , the light that shines within all of us who love you . I know it will take time , but I know it will happen . Beth and I took another snow hike today . At one point we sat down on the snow in a clearing of trees and talked about you . Suddenly Beth said , " By now , if Taige were here , he 'd have made a bunch of snowballs and thrown them at us ! SOS ! " Later on we walked by a lone pine tree whose needles were just perfectly covered in snow ; it had collected on them at an angle due to the direction of the wind . It was so beautiful ! We felt your presence there today . We saw your light . So keep it coming , Taige . Lots of love . In reading this blog , comments on your facebook , and talking to friends , I 'm learning that you have showed up in a lot dreams lately ! I remember my mom saying that she talked to her dad a lot in her dreams after he passed . I never really understood what she was talking about until now . You have showed up in my dreams a lot lately . The dreams have mainly consisted of you and I just sitting there talking . Last night was so real , I was even thinking . . . " wow . . . this seems like a dream . . . but I know it 's not ! " We were just sitting there talking about everything that has happened . I was sad , but trying not to cry in front of you . It seemed you were doing the same thing . At one point in the conversation , you folded back your shirt sleeve and showed me this great tan line . When we lifeguarded together we were always trying to get the best tans ! You then said that you couldn 't believe you had gone off to heaven with such a great tan ! We laughed and I told you that you looked more beautiful then ever . I was so excited , because you broke the ice with your humor , and I could ask you about heaven . All I remember is this HUGE grin on your face . The dream ended there . I know you 're happy , and I also know you are making your rounds to all your friends and family letting them know that . Immediately , after I found out about your death , I was in visiting my pastor at our church . I was telling her all about you , and the great loss I was feeling . She said something that I 'll never forget . She explained to me that when someone passes on , we do not stop having a relationship with them . The relationship continues on , it just changes . I get that now ! Whether your memory comes in the middle of the night in the form of a dream , or some how , some way your spirit can speak to us when our subconscious lets it . . . I don 't know . But I do know all of your friends and family continue to have a relationship with you . Some how , some way . And for that . . . I 'm thankful . Siempre estás en mis pensamientos , sabes . Son las cuatro de la mañana y de nuevo no puedo dormir . Todavía no lo entiendo , no lo puedo entender , no lo puedo internalizar . Como las olas entregándose a la playa , el dolor de tu ausencia vuelve y me deja inconsolable . En vida , tejías una telaraña fuerte e intrincada de tus amigosPersonas únicas ; cada una ofrecía algo distinto . Personas que nunca se conocieran si no te hubieran conocido . Y como una araña tejiendo , las noticias de tu muerte extendieron lejosLas personas en mi propia telaraña - en todas partes del mundo , algunos que nunca te conocieron - me ofrecieron sus pensamientos y sus corazones . Pero a veces me siento como una polilla , sofocada en esta telaraña . No hay nada que decir . No sé cómo sentir . Pero , como tú hacías en tu vida , voy a tratar a ver lo bueno en todo . Y la próxima vez que veo una telaraña , perfecta , delicada , magnífica , con unas gotitas de rocíoPensaré de ti , y una sonrisa vendrá a mi cara . Last night I dreamed that I found you in a small , white room . You were leaning back in a cozy chair , that devilish grin all over your face . I remember saying , " Thank God , Taige , I had the most horrible dream . . . " and you just sat there with a knowing look . You emanated the most sincere , comforting feeling . Remember the last Labor Day party at the Res when Taige tried to do the fish toss ? ! He was trying to wind up a 3 foot long Salmon and lost his grip . Mr . Fish went flying and he was embarrased and thought it was halarious at the same time so he kind of collapsed in laughter before someone handed him the spare fish . We all laughed too , until the original Mr . Fish hit a six year old by - stander and knocked him over ! ! Haaa ! ! Sorry kid ! This Thanksgiving I am thankful for you , Taige . Thank you for challenging me to be more honest with myself and others . Thank you for daring me to do crazy things . Thank you for being my companion . For the hiking and camping trips , dinners , burnt pizzas , movies , music , long conversations , ski days , and great hugs . For bringing some amazing people into my life . Thank you for being my Anam Cara . Missing you , thinking of you , always . With love and gratitude , Shai Yesterday I didn 't cry at all . Not that I felt good , just numb and disconnected . I thought I might be able to make it through today too ( not that it really matters ) , but I didn 't . I 've come to realize the power of an embrace . You can really tell if someone is sincere and expressing their love . I have as of yet been unable to keep a lid on any stewing emotions when faced with such an embrace . It is such a comforting experience that it knocks my guard down in an instant , as it were nothing more than a piece of paper blown over by the wind . And then , I cry . Every time . And I know its ok to cry . Maybe its like I told you about skiing , that every time you fall you get a little better , or , every tear I 'm crying brings me closer to some sort of understanding or acceptance . Here 's hoping . Posted by How am I ever going to function like a normal person ? Everything reminds me of you - people we both know , the sound of someone 's voice , drinks , fabrics , music , walking anywhere in this town that has started to feel suffocating . In every instance I forget its not you , and you wont ever be there again . I 'm at work and I think I hear your voice , people mentioning your name . It 's so hard to understand , to really take a hold of the fact that you are gone ; sometimes I think it might be easier not to try to see eye to eye with reality . Maybe I could just float around for a few years like a zombie , watching my life as a movie . I would feel less , it would become easier to do normal things . A tall person enters the room , my heart beats faster , reality comes back and the bad feeling along with it . Someone is wearing a tan , plaid button down shirt but of course its not you . I walk down the alley , past your restaurant , my head turns out of habit to see if your car is there . I stopped at the back door and thought about going in to see who was still there , but I couldn 't do it and kept walking . Into the back entrance of the Downer I went , barely holding on to my composure as I walked in . Everyone was there , and they all can read my face . Asking how I 'm doing only makes the light grip on composure lost . I 'm standing next to the bar and turn to take in the room ; I realize I am sitting in the same spot that the dancing video was taken . Fully unable to understand how you went dancing across the floor two weeks ago and now … The social environment no longer lends the lighthearted release it did in the past . It only offers a deep emptiness and disconnect . As everyone copes in a different way it separates us , or me at least , tonight . Now its 3 : 06 am and I 'm sitting here in the dark listening to your music and writing . The waves are short and strong , and remind me a little of what I imagine child birth to be like . Coming in waves , sharp and intense , a bit of calm , then sharp again ; only this time at the end you realize you are left minus one instead of plus one . Posted by It has been tough being overseas and not being able to show my love back home for Taige and be there for Aunty Lin , Kelly , and Parker . I want you guys all to know that I am praying for you and love you lots . My mom just told me about this website and I got on as soon as I could . Taige I just wanted to thank you for being such a good friend to my brother and I when we were younger . I know we didn 't keep in touch as much as the years went on but I will never forget the boy I grew up with . We had some great days riding bikes , sledding , swimming at grandpa and grandma 's , camping out in your back yard , getting slushies at Mini - mart , and just plain causing trouble . These are all memories that will never fade from my mind . Needless to say you also turned out to be quite the amazing guy . Just look at all these people you had a great impact on . I have been trying to figure out what to say about Taige . He was larger than life , and how do you express that ? I knew from the moment I met him that he was special ! He was the kind of guy that could turn you inside out . He was a huge influence in my life , and I am so thankful that I got the chance to know him , and everyone that he brought into my life . I love you Taige ! 6 ' 8 " Not just the size of a man , but the size of his stature . The Golden Retriever of Men . Loved by all . With an uncanny ability to make people see people for who they are , not who they like . Taige broke down social barriers . He brought truth and comfortability to each and everyone he met . He helped guide us when we were lost . He was a gentle giant . He made us laugh at ourselves and sometimes him . When he danced , he would consume you . When he laughed , you heard it from a block away . When he smiled …… when did he not smile . He made us better people . The loss is huge , just like the size of the man and the size of his stature . Taige , I remember meeting you for the first time at the Bitter bar . You were standing at the bar with James Lee and a group of your friends , booming and laughing together . You were obstructing the aisle , and I kept squeezing past you more frequently than was necessary ( " Oh , don 't mind me , I 'll just slide past you here . " ) . At some point , you smiled warmly , if not suspiciously , and stopped me to introduce yourself ( you must have found my shameless lack of finesse and feigned innocence endearing ) . I don 't remember much of the content of that first conversation , but I remember being impressed and seduced by how big you seemed in body and personality . I was so comfortable with you right off the bat , and after our first hug that night I couldn 't stop thinking about wanting to be in your expansive embrace ( now too , and more than ever ) . I was smitten . . . I was immediately attracted to your bouncy enthusiasm and bright lopsided perfect smile . I admired your ability to lead with grace and set the mood of the room with your effortless warmth that you shared with everyone you encountered . You would introduce me two and three times to all of your friends ( " do you know my friend Mel , she is incredible ! " " Taige , I work with Mel , and yes she 's incredible . " ) because it was so important to you that the people you loved all loved each other too . I came to respect your strength , your honesty , and the constancy of your moral compass . And I especially relished the times that you shared your sadness and distress with me , because ( and I loved this about you ) you were so filled with an indelible optimism that only very infrequently would allow for an authentic expression of sadness . I miss your affection . I want to lavish hugs and kisses on you . I am honored and grateful that you were so vulnerable with me . I wish circumstances had been different , and that I had been better for you . Taige , I have never met someone so generous with his love and warmth as you . I will do all I can to learn from your tremendous example . TChris I was out a few nights ago . Just sitting at the bar , not really drinking my cider . ( Which you would have called me a glutard for ) And Phoenix came on . Listzomania came on . I burst into tears . I just want to dance with you again , and dodge your arms and shoulders swinging around . ( I laugh as I write that ) I walked into the office at Centro on Sunday night . Ash had told me to grab something from her purse . I walked in completely expecting to see you turn around in your chair with that guilty look on your face . I would have then said " What are you listening to and who are you stalking on facebook ? " Last time it was La Roux ( you then started calling Molly that ) Megan and I told you about la Roux forever ago it seems , and you were just then getting into it . " I 'm not your toy , this is not another girl meets boy " You turned it up really loud and laughed at the video on youtube . " Look at her dress ! It 's amazing ! " I started singing with it and so did you , but every time you would start singing something I was singing I would get thrown off because you 'd sing so loud and so off ! There are so many things to say . I miss so many things about you . But mostly I just miss your presence . You had a way of filling up a place in my life and there is no way to fill it ever again . I know you wouldn 't want to see us sad and crying . But , understand that we can 't help but mourn the loss of such an amazingly beautiful person . I can 't stop crying now , so I don 't know what else to say . Taige . . . I love you so much , we all love you so very very much . And you 'll always be a part of our lives . There 's a black crow sitting across from me ; his wiry legs are crossedAnd he 's dangling my keys he even fakes a tossWhatever could it beThat has brought me to this loss ? I 'm not good with numbers but there is somehow a six feet , eight inch hole in my heart and chest cavity and it 's shaped like Taige Smith . He came into my life when he asked Erin to unlock the front door to Centro before a dinner shift to let me into the building . I was standing on the sidewalk outside , completely fed up with my day job and armed with my restaurant resume . We sat across from one another at table # 83 for twenty minutes . He pretended to look over my references but what we really talked about was music , Napoleon Dynamite , our favorite places to eat in Boulder , and how we both attended the University of Hawaii during the same years . At the end of this " interview , " he gave me the fiercest hand shake and told me he just needed to make a couple of phone calls . An hour later he called to offer me a serving job . Taige was my manager at first but quickly became one of my closest friends . When you talked to him , you were fully heard . He wouldn 't break eye contact for a second , making you feel like the only person in the entire world . After the sad and bitter end of my relationship with my ex - boyfriend , he pulled me out of my own personal darkness over and over with his infamous hugs , with coin style margaritas , with laughter and prodding and tough love . When I sprained and fractured my foot , he immediately called around to cover all of my shifts and called and texted me regular reminders to keep it elevated and iced . He 's responsible for the words " Clare Bear " on all of my receipts for customers , though he only called me " Bear " or " the slow one . " We 'd make one another laugh until our cheeks hurt . He had the best , throw - your - head - back laugh . We e - mailed one another . mp3 's and links to download different albums because we loved the same music . He introduced me to some of my favorite bands . On my 26th birthday he demanded that I join him on the WesPosted by A few of us gathered today at one of your many favorite spots . I don 't think anyone really knew what to expect when we walked up to the beach , but it felt like a huge weight was enveloping me . Not the kind of weight I have been feeling in the morning that makes my stomach turn , just the kind I remember feeling when you wrapped your arms around me . I sat on the big flat rock in the middle of the beach and felt you sitting there with me . It was just like the last time we went to the res , except that you were the one sitting on the rock then . We swam all the way across and back , at first head down serious swimming ( this was a workout after all ) and soon after giving up on the workout and just doggie paddling all the way so we could gossip . Ha ! It makes me laugh now as I think about all the things we talked about ! How irrelevant they are , and how much do I wish now that I would have told you how much I loved you instead of who was quitting Big Red F and who was hooking up wth who ! Oh well , I 'm pretty sure you knew how much Hot Carl loved you anyway ( after all , I wouldn 't let just anybody call me that dirty name ! ha ! ) . While getting ready for the day today , I started crying ( again ) . This time . . . they were tears from laughter . October 2000 . We both just started our freshmen year in college . You were in Missoula , I was in Colorado . A few months in , we decided it was time you came down for a visit . I remember being so happy to see you ! Our agenda : Six Flags ! I don 't remember anything about our time at six flags except one thing . . . it trumps all other possible memories . You convinced me ( of course ) to go on that scary rollar coaster where people 's feet hang down with nothing below them . I HATE rollar coasters . . . but you talked me into it . We got on . I 'm scared out of my mind . . . . and you of course are laughing . So the ride begins . Up . . . up . . . up . Click click click click . Oh boy . zoooOOOOMMMM ! Down we go ! You of course . . . . hands in the air , screaming . Me . . . jaw clenched tight , eyes closed . Then : You said , " Katie ! My feet are dragging my feet are dragging ! " Me , " whatever Taige ! Don 't tell me that ! I 'm freaked out . " You , " No ! Really . . . my feet are dragging on the ground ! " The rest of the ride consisted of you yelling about your feet and me trying hard not believe you . We got off the ride . . . finally ! You said again , " Katie . . . . seriously , my feet were dragging on the ground ! Look ! " Then you lifted up your foot . . . and yes . . . there it was . The rubber on your shoes had been scrapped down to the fabric of your shoe ! I couldn 't believe it ! Each time the rollar coaster dipped down close to the ground , everyone else 's feet were a safe distance from the ground below , but you on the other hand . . . not at all ! Even the rollar coaster designers didin 't account for a man of your size ! You were a giant indeed . I think you were just too big for this world . . . . your heart . . . your soul , all too big for this world . Now you are in a place , where you can stretch your legs out . . . even on a rollar coaster . Note : The story would later develop in me making you go on that rollar coaster . . . : ) . . . it always made a better story anyway ( I can hear you now , " no , . . . you made me go on that thing ! Craig and Katie Neuman I have spent more time on the phone with friends and family in the last few days than I have for years . As I talk to each person , we consistenly find ourselves embraced by all the memories we shared with you . The memories go on and on Taige . One common theme keeps coming up though . A theme I never really thought about much before . Some how , some way , you had a way . . . . a way to make anyone do anything ! Some of the crazy stuff you convinced me to do ! Unbelievable ! New . . . and old friends alike . . . I bet everyone can relate . What was your secret Taige ? How did you do that ? My answer . . . Maybe it was the smile . . . the laughter . . . . the face you would chase me around with if I didn 't agree . . . . or the fact that I knew you 'd just pick me up ( like a rag doll ) and make me do whatever anyway . . . . or maybe . . . . just maybe . . . it was your desire to make everyone around you feel as alive as you did . I think that was your secret Taige . You had a way of embracing every single moment . You lived every single moment . And simply put , you wanted everyone around you to do the same . And we did Taige . We did around you . Thank you . . . thank you so much . Love , Katie ( little schoombie ) Cada día alguien me habla de ti intentando sacar el dolor de mi alma . Cada día alguien me habla de ti intentando explicarme que ya no volverás . Pero de noche , cuando ya no hay luz cuando todos se van , tú caminas despacio entre mis sueños y estás . No eres solo un recuerdo yo te siento tan cerca que pareces real . Y después te vas cuando yo despierte tu ausencia vendrá . Cada día alguien me habla de ti y me dice que el tiempo es una rueda girando . Cada día yo podría subir después de tocar fondo si girara también . Pero de noche cuando ya no hay luz cuando todos se van , tú caminas despacio entre mis sueños y estás . No eres solo un recuerdo yo te siento tan cerca que pareces real . Y después te vas cuando yo despierte tu ausencia vendrá . " I have a friend who 's a giant , " she said . She wasn 't kidding . You used to just pick people up - in the middle of the street , at the restaurant , wherever . You would make every person you were with feel like they were the most important person in the world . Your energy , exuberance , and charisma flowed out of you like electricity , ready to enliven those around you . Everything about you was big . Your body , your smile , your heart , your generosity , your sense of adventure , your compassion for others , your loyalty to those you loved , and above all , your spirit . And your spirit lives on in all of us … for it is Larger than life . Wake up at 6 : 00 , cry . Wake up at 6 : 30 , feel sick . Roll over , pretend its not real , fall back asleep . Wake up again , sick to my stomach , count ten breaths and fall back to rest . Give up , get up , brush my teeth and don 't even notice I 'm crying again . Posted by TaigeWe have gone through so much together . The good and the bad . You were trying so hard to help my life struggle . I know that you can see me and see that I am being successful . I wanted to show you so badly the great things that I could do for the world and for you . You were a soul mate to me and I will never forget the warmth that you showed me in your life . I want to live for you the best that I can . You are such a sensitive wonderful person and that I will love till the day that I join you . I pray that you will be able to help all of us ; helping us to learn and be better people . You will be missed but you are not gone . The next part of your life will be great and you will surprise everyone . I love youKatie I 've known you for almost 6 years . I remember when I first met you . I had just started at the Canyon Café . Although we hadn 't been formally introduced yet , you captivated me immediately and it became a goal of mine to become your friend . That doesn 't happen to me often , it 's rare that I like someone instantly , but not in your case . I just knew you were someone worth investing in . Soon enough , I achieved my goal as we bonded over the hilarities and frustrations of the restaurant business , our love lives , music , and our mutual love for skiing . You never failed to make me laugh . You were so freaking funny . And you were incredibly smart , which made you even funnier , which made me love you more . I usually came to work not in a great mood , as working with the general public was often difficult and required patience and a thick skin . You loved it , thrived on it , and your customers loved you in return . You enjoyed giving people a good experience no matter what they challenged you with . Loyal repeat guests often occupied your tables . It was your calling to work with people and restaurants became your outlet to express that . We both moved to Denver around the same time . I remember how excited you were for life in the city . We lived blocks from each other in Capital Hill . I remember days of visiting each other 's tiny apartments , meeting for coffee , talking about relationships , and life goals . You had so much passion for everything you did and everything that interested you , I envied that . I recommended you apply at North in Cherry Creek , where I was working . How much fun it would be to work with you again , to breath in your energy and exuberance everyday . But mostly , I needed those hugs ( you haven 't really felt better than after you got a hug from Taige . ) So large and strong , you would pick me up and squeeze me for minutes . Rejuvenating my soul with your energy . I will miss those hugs soooo much . Years went by and our lives moved in separate directions , you back to Boulder and me out to the suburbs . But we wereMelissa I loved getting out of work early enough to make it to Centro before you left . The restaurant was always closed , but I would come in the back door and go into the office , where the door would have been propped open via the deadbolt . Just looking at you sitting in the black swivel chair , hunched over the keyboard and staring into the computer monitor , I could tell how your night had been . If you didn 't turn around when the door opened you had had a long stressful day and were trying your hardest to finish your duties and get out the door asap . On these days when you didn 't turn around I never broke your concentration , just walked up behind you and put my hands on your shoulders . They were so tense , and I would do my best to pull some of that tension out of your muscles with a little neck rub . My small hands were always instantly recognized , and you would lean back in your chair and say , " Ohhh Carl … " After a minute I would sit and we would face each other and talk about our day . We would talk about boys and what exciting or hurtful things had passed , plans for the week , our families , your dad being sick . I remember right before your birthday talking about your family coming to see you . You felt so lucky to be having your favorite people come such a long way to see you for such a short amount of time . Two weeks ago , my friend Sam passed away . She and my younger brother Taylor had been very close for many years , even dating through the end of high school and first year or so of college . My sister Bobbie and I jokingly called her our sister in - law , and had a blast laughing about the silliest things with her . Sam was 21 , and had been fighting a rare form of cancer for two years . I kept Taige up to date on Sam and her fight . Multiple rounds of chemo and moving to Miami for a five organ transplant were not enough to damper her spirits . Everyone who met her or read her blog ( www . 1tuffcookie . blogspot . com ) was always amazed by her diligence . If Taige had a tough day and was down I would remind him to keep his headOnce you started letting these heavy and perfect words come out I silently cried not wanting to miss anything you said . They were the most comforting words I had heard all day , and felt so completely sincere . I can hear your voice in my head right now like you are saying these words into my ear again right now . You said to me , " It is about the love . " You told me that you loved me , and I told you that I loved you also . We talked for a while , maybe twenty minutes . You said over and over how you just didn 't understand it all , but that we HAD to help each other through it , we just had to . That we would get through it , together . Looking back , it just kills me . I am now having the exact same conversation with Beth and Jeff and Peaches and everyone I know and don 't know ( via this blog ) who loves you . So on that note , as Taige said we must , we must help each ps - If you need a pick me up , read Sam 's blog entry from June 18 , 2009 . It will help you appreciate what is going on around you . www . 1tuffcookie . blogspot . com Shoveling snow this morning brought back some good memories of you . I remember many slow snowy nights at West End when I would shovel snow and then come down to Centro to see how you were doing . It seems like every time , you were out there doing the same thing as me . You always had a huge grin on your face and you couldn 't wait to tell me about your next ski trip , and how great it was that it was snowing . No matter how bored or disappointed I was because it was such a " slow " night , you always made me look at the bright side . You must have been the best boss ever for your overflowing enthusiasm and positive outlook . I know it always rubbed off on me and I 'm sure everyone else around you felt the same way . Sometimes it made me jealous that I didn 't get to work with you to experience it more often . Seeing the tremendous amount of love for you the last couple of days has been amazing . You were so loved in this world it is incredible . I think it must be because you shared so much love with everyone you met . I wish I had spent more time around you because you never failed to put a smile on my face no matter what mood I was in , and you will continue to do so whenever I think about you . My thoughts and prayers go out to all your friends and family . love mike dahl I remember the very first second I met you . It was Elyse 's birthday . We were upstairs at the Rio , and all of a sudden you walked up to our table , with your big beautiful smile and your warm eyes . I was instantly struck by your presence . As the night progressed , I couldn 't stop looking your way , and soon enough I realized you were looking at me too . Later that night , in the park across the street from my old apartment , we played on the playground , lay in the grass , looked at the stars . It was the beginning of one of the most important , defining periods of my life . It was a tumultuous road . I was new to it all . You taught me so much and you challenged me daily . I had never been so happy , so fulfilled , so honest with myself and others . Every day was a new adventure . Places I had visited hundreds of times before took on new meanings . I tried so many new foods , wines , and activities with you . I felt free , excited , alive . Like a river meandering through a valley , your love poured through me . I never wanted to leave . Remember our first hike on the Fourth of July trail ? You asked me if I was scared to hold hands when the plane flew over our heads lest someone may see us . I laughed and squeezed your hand harder . I remember being inspired by your passion for anthropology . The way you discussed issues you 'd explored , classes you 'd taken , and professors you 'd met simply amazed me . I 'd always been more of a logical student , taking classes because I had to or because it made sense to take them . You did everything in your life because you were passionate about it . You loved to learn about other people 's passions ; in fact , you thought passions were the keys to one 's soul . Remember our backpacking trip up to Conundrum Springs ? You laughed so hard when I fell into the river while trying to cross on the log . Naturally , you crossed with grace and agility . I made a snarky remark and then quietly pouted while you teased me . I remember sitting in front of Starbucks , crying together right before I left for DC . My heart hShai How do you begin to formulate a thought you never imagined or wanted to imagine having to conceive ? I guess for me , I start to write . It is an outlet , a step closer to forming a clear thought or feeling , clear my mind , vent , and now , something to share . I 've started by asking for help , from Taige . He is around us all , and I have felt his presence on and off all day . Figured I might as well put him to work . When I think of you , Taige , my heart opens and is flooded with an overwhelming sense of comfort and love . You always had such an astonishing ability to make people feel comfortable , loved , and joyful . In the rare occasion that you were down , it meant so much to be there for you , with a shoulder to cry on and heartfelt words to soothe you . Yesterday every time I heard a car drive by , I thought someone was going to stop and come to my front door . I saw myself opening the door and a familiar face saying to me , " Just kidding ! It was all a big joke ! " It never happened . The couch called my name in the mean time and I sat there for several hours after using my restless energy to bake batch after batch of cookies . I sat there and felt numb . Not having slept the night before , the little reserve I had left was put to basic functions like keeping my eyes open and sitting up . Regardless of my exhaustion I couldn 't put my mind to rest . On and on its gone in waves of emotion resting somewhere between numb and drowning . I went to your house today . Beth was gone , visiting with one of your friends who had come in to town because I 'm sure they were feeling the same sense of lost . It was surreal . Like nothing was really the matter , I was just walking in to your house and we were going to get on our bikes and ride away to have some fun … except that my chest felt heavy . I turned the corner and headed to your room , walking past your backpack on the floor right where you had left it and just as Beth had said it was there , haunting her also . I walked into your room and stepped over the dirty jeans and towel you had left on the floor in a hurry . Nothing seemed out of place except for the fact that I was in your room and you were nowhere to be found . Pile of laundry on the other side of your bed , a Centro t - shirt on top of the pile , right next to your favorite tie - dye shirt from Parker . On top of your dresser a framed photograph of your family . Black and white , maybe a few years old , you standing tall above everyone else wrappinMuch love , Crystal Taige and I spent a lot of time together skiing ; this is one of my favorite incidents involving Taige and skiing . . . In the beginning he was cautious , but after just a short time he was better than the rest of us - and fearless ! It blew my mind how ready he was to jump off the edge of a cliff without even worrying one bit ! His judgement was usually pretty good , after a margarita however , different story . Anyone remember the HUGE bruise Taige had that went from mid - back to knee and was the gnarliest thing you ever saw ? I wasn 't there , but he filled me in on his lack of judgement and agility . After downing a man - sized margarita he decided it would be in his best interest to find the biggest jump possible in the park at Keystone and of course jump off it . In true Taige fashion , not only did he jump off the largest jump but did a backflip off too ! Would you believe that he actually landed it ? ! The only problem was he caught an edge and ate it after the fact . Safe to say that day was the last of his margarita / big air phase ! I have been sitting here all day trying to process what everyone tells me has happened , and have been struggling . I thought this blog might be a good way to share some thoughts with each other , hopefully helping this process of healing and understanding . If you would like to be an author on this blog send your email address to love . for . taige @ gmail . com and I will add you to the list ( limited to 100 ppl ) . Once its full you can send things you want posted to the same email and I can just upload them . I hope everyone is hanging in there and that these stories make you laugh and cry all together . Much love , |
Back ChaptersStory Index1 . Prologue2 . Chapter 13 . Chapter 24 . Chapter 35 . Chapter 46 . Chapter 57 . Chapter 68 . Chapter 79 . Chapter 810 . Chapter 911 . Chapter 1012 . Chapter 1113 . Chapter 1214 . Chapter 1315 . Chapter 1416 . Chapter 1517 . Chapter 1618 . Chapter 1719 . Chapter 1820 . Chapter 1921 . Chapter 2022 . Chapter 2123 . Chapter 2224 . Chapter 2325 . Chapter 2426 . Chapter 25 Next Cabin Fever by lazyafternoon I rolled over and sat up , making room for him to sit on the couch facing me . " How . . ? " I wasn 't exactly sure how to ask how he could hear so well . He smiled , it was a nice smile , genuine , then he pointed towards himself , " Heightened senses , especially around the time of the full moon . Sometimes its bothersome but it can really come in handy . " He didn 't give me a chance to talk , instead holding up a hand as if to shush me then his expression changed and his tone became much graver . " Now I know my friends really glossed things over , made it seem as if this situation isn 't so bad but they don 't truly understand . So I want to tell you the truth and how I 'm so , so sorry about what I did . I sincerely wish that this was something we could reverse , but we can 't . " So for the rest of your life , each night of the full moon , you 're going to undergo a very painful transformation . When you become the werewolf you 'll have no control over what you do , you won 't even remember what you do . Before James , Sirius , and Peter started helping me out , I had no way of knowing what I did the night before . I would wake up miles from my house weak and worn out . I 've never been in proximity with another werewolf before , so I really don 't know how it 's going to be next full moon . " He really seemed to be struggling with what to say . Along with listening to his words , I tried to capture his emotions through his facial expressions . From what I could glean , he was very much disgusted with being a werewolf . He also seemed very confused with what to say . Finally he stood up and walked over to the bookshelves and began to pull volumes off . He came back over with a stack and set them down on the coffee table . " Here , this is how I learned what I haven 't found out from personal experience . I really have never gotten to tell my point of view on lycanthropy to my friends . They 're always hushing me and telling me it isn 't my fault and how I 'm the same as they are . James will refer to it as my furry little problem even , but its not a little problem . It 's huge . Their words are comforting yes , but just , umm , ask me any questions you want , ' cause I 'll tell We spent several hours sitting in the sitting room , poring through the books . Remus was getting really frustrated as he threw down book after book . And I voraciously sped through each successive chapter , trying to figure out just what I was now . All these books seemed to contain information on identifying and killing werewolves , the bloodthirsty habits of these murderous creatures , and how cursed they were in general . I set down the last book , Creatures Moste Darke and Dangerous , I had , which detailed the transformation of a werewolf , the book was much to maliciously gleeful about how painful the elongating and cracking of bones was , and frankly it turned my stomach . I hadn 't asked Remus any questions so far , he was very immersed in his books as was I , but I was curious . The list of questions in my head kept growing . How do James , Sirius , and Peter help him ? Just what did they do ? How long had he been a werewolf ? Had he always lived in this little cabin ? Is this cabin really behind my house ? How had no one ever noticed his presence here ? Did he run about the woods every full moon all my life and I , as well as all of my neighbors , never noticed ? How did he meet the other boys , did they go to school together ? He did not attend my school . Is he still in school ? He looks my age , so does his friends , but I wasn 't sure . Why was he researching about muggles not surviving ? This made me the most nervous , would I not survive ? I banished that thought from my head immediately . What kind of word was muggle anyway ? I settled on a safe , noninvasive question to ask , " Are there many of you , I mean , us ? " He looked up from his book and sighed , " No , but I really don 't know , it isn 't like there are conventions . I mean , there was a Registration Act passed a decade or so ago , but my parents never let anyone know , so I never signed . To be quite honest , no one really signed it unless forced . So I doubt that the Ministry 's numbers are accurate . It 's hard enough to find a job where I can take sick leave each month that I don 't need my name on some list that keeps me from getting anything but the lowest of positions . " He paused and was looking out at nothing in particular then turned back to me . " Find anything interesting ? " " Don 't worry , Lily 's a excellent hand at potions , she always makes me things to help me endure the aches and pains afterwards , but if you haven 't read this yet , there are no potions or spells that can lessen the pain of the actual transformation . And really , we 've tried just about everything . There 's a firsthand account from a werewolf in that pile somewhere called Furry Snout , Human Heart that 's really pro - werewolf . Apparently when it first came out it really helped lighten wizard - werewolf tensions , but not much seeing as the Registration Act was still passed . " " None , but there are enough muggle horror films about werewolves to show that it 's happened before , right ? I just can 't figure out if there will be any differences , not as if there should be , it 's just , I really don 't like trial and error . I 'd much prefer to read up on something , understand it and then give it a try . But next month we 're going to be just completely winging it with you . " " Well , let 's put it this way , at least I didn 't crawl home somehow and end up massacring my family and the rest of the neighborhood . That 's one thing we 've done right so far . And , well , with you , you had to just wing it - right ? " " Five . So it 's barely within my span of memory . All I know is I was taken from my room and bitten . My parents didn 't take me to St . Mungo 's , afraid that I would be completely ostracized from the wizarding community , as most werewolves are . But we did move here almost immediately . I 'm sure it upset them to leave their original village , my parents were young , they had been working to make it their home together , had probably just started making close friends . But to keep the neighbors safe they moved . Ever since then I 've been here . " " Wow , you were so young , so you 've been like this forever basically ? And your parents sound like good people . But - do you know who bit you ? And St . Mungo 's ? " " St . Mungo 's is our hospital - the Wizarding Hospital in London . I have no idea who bit me , never met him . My dad , he seemed to know who did . When I was old enough to realize that it was on purpose , that I definitely remember being in my room that night , not wandering outside - I asked . Neither of my parents would answer and it upset them so much I never asked again . It 's horrible , there is no offense great enough to earn this kind of life . " He seemed distraught once again . I could guess why , he hated this Greyback guy so much for biting him and probably plenty others but then he had bitten me . " You 're not like that werewolf , you didn 't set yourself up to attack me . You didn 't break into my house . I don 't know you at all , but first impression - you seem okay , and I can 't hate you for this , by the time I fully understand the repercussions of this bite , I 'll also understand how out of control you were . " " Thanks . Really . " Remus looked thoughtful , now . A more relaxed expression was on his face than before . In a tone lighter than I expected , he continued speaking , " You know , before I knew the circumstances , I used to pity the werewolf who bit me . I thought that , like me , he had no idea what he had caused . Before my dad passed away , he told me it was his fault . Gave no explanation because I did not ask for one , I couldn 't not with him so sick . Just that it was his fault . I wasn 't an accident . I was intentional . " " Well , I was an accident . And we 'll try not to make it again , shall we ? " I smiled , trying to lighten the mood . Remus ' story had practically cast a grey cloud atop of the cabin . He looked back at me , a smile close to appearing on his lips , just not quite . Remus stood up and walked towards the kitchen and when he returned a tea tray was floating beside him . " I hope you aren 't weirded out by the magic , I assume it takes a while to get used to , but I 've never been good at balancing the tray and would rather not spill it . Tea ? " " Yes , thank you . It 's okay , I 'm actually kind of intrigued by it all . I mean , those numbing charms James did are fantastic , I can still move my legs but they don 't really hurt - just a continuated soreness . And by the looks of these bruises they should really , really hurt . " Remus was looking at my bandaged leg with an expression of despair . I knew then that he was going to blame himself for all of this , and that each reminder would tear him apart . I doubted whether anything I could say would help , so I just snapped my fingers in his line of sight which snapped him out of it . " Well , by the looks of it , I 'll be in this house with you and not many - any place else . So I don 't think I 'll have to hide it much . " I remembered what someone had said the day before , the phrase was " quite stuck here " if I remembered correctly . It felt as if it had not truly hit me yet , because I sure wasn 't reacting emotionally to this friendly form of abduction . " It 's really for your own good , keeping you here . Maybe , sometime down the road , you can go home , but for now , Holly , I really think you 're best off here with a bunch of people experienced in this kind of thing . And I don 't mind the company . " I smiled and went back to sipping my tea . I picked up Furry Snout , Human Heart and started to read . Normally I was quite the chatterbox but the only questions I could think of might be construed as invasive . I really wondered whether or not he worked or even if his friends did . I was pretty sure it was a Saturday so I figured I would find out tomorrow night or Monday morning . I also was very curious about magic but James had something about a statute of secrecy , and I really didn 't want to get them in trouble . As I read more of the novel and the author spoke of his former family , I began to worry about mine . I had no belongings here - no clothes , no shoes , nothing - but I didn 't know how to get them back without bumping into my parents . They were away this weekend , thankfully , so they wouldn 't discover my disappearance until later tomorrow . I thought about just letting it be just that , a disappearance , but I had no money to even buy new things . If I went back and packed some things up then it would look like I ran away . Either option would break their hearts , which was better a daughter who disappeared or a daughter who ran away ? If I didn 't go back to get my things , then they may come looking for me . They could search the woods and discover Remus ' cabin and then there 'd be so much more trouble . So many things could go wrong , did they all discount the fact I had a family ? " Hey Remus ? " " Oh no , they were away , visiting my mother 's family , I - " I paused . How do I explain that my parents were always off somewhere and leaving me behind ? I was nearly eighteen so this should not bother someone my age in the slightest , right ? " I , um , begged to stay home though because I really don 't know them well , and it 's just so awkward there . They won 't be home until tomorrow . " " Well , if you had run away , we could just pack up a lot of your things and leave a note . If you had been murdered , we could make it look like that , I 'm sure James and Sirius would get a right kick out of staging a murder scene . And the trickiest would be if we removed everything that has to do with you from the house and then erased you from their minds , but there 's way too many loose ends there . Any friends or neighbors stopping by would ruin everything . " He walked back towards the couch and plopped down . " What 'll it be ? " Oh ! So that is how no one ever noticed him or this cabin before ! " Lily did them ? Well , why didn 't your parents have protection on it before ? " " No , no , no , it 's been ages , my dad died when I was almost sixteen and my mum three years prior . I only had a year or so before I came of age and I spend most of the year at school anyway , so I wasn 't here all by myself for too long . And I knew how to cook , which really helped . " " I think I have some cousins and aunts , but no one that could take me in . Could you imagine ? I 'd go off to live with an aunt and then they 'd have to find out the hard way what I am . It could have had disastrous repercussions . My father made it clear in his will that I was to live alone , he left the house to me and put it something like ' I raised my boy right and his mother taught him to cook and clean and I taught him to take care of himself , so let him have the house to himself . ' " Remus had a reminiscent smile about him . " Oh , that he was , just weary of a broken heart after my mom passed , and the stress of me didn 't really help either of them … " He trailed off a little , fidgeting with a string in the side seam of his trousers . " So did you think of how you want to handle your situation ? " I knew I preferred to just make it look as though I had run away , a murder would be much too harsh on their nerves , but I was rather curious about the forgetting thing . Almost as curious as I was vehemently opposed to it . " You said that you could make them forget me ? " " Well , yes , it 'd be a rather tricky memory charm , seeing as you 're their daughter . And then there would be all the papers and photos to get rid of . Then , of course , everyone else that knows you too . I must admit , I 'd really prefer a different option . " Remus managed to find an old pair of jeans of his I could wear ( mine were destroyed and no amount of patching could save them ) but I had to belt them off and quadruple cuff the bottoms . He gave me a cloak to wear over everything and my appearance was really quite silly . The cloak was strange to me , it was like wearing a very long and light jacket , but actually very comfortable . We had to walk through the woods for a while before we got to my house . The only lights on were the ones that I had left on the night before and none of my neighbors were outside . We crept through the tall grass and then I dashed up onto the back porch , Remus walking calmly behind me . I opened the screen door and waved him on , " Hurry up , Remus ! " I rolled my eyes and started down the hall towards my room . I pulled out all my duffel bag and started to empty my top drawer . I heard Remus pause as he came to the doorway and I looked up from my packing and gestured him in . " I don 't know how I 'm going to get all my clothes into this bag . " He pointed his wand at my bag and I looked at it , waiting for it to grow or duplicate or something but nothing happened . " Just fill it , ok ? Is there anything I can do to help ? " " Umm … in my closet , yeah right there , just take everything off the hangers and throw it in this bag here . " I didn 't look up from emptying my other drawers but I heard him ask what was next . I threw the rest of the socks in the bag and looked over at him and the emptied closet and all the clothes packed up neatly in the bag . I didn 't bother to ask how they all fit or how he did it so fast when I noticed his wand in his hand once again . " Well , if its that easy , why don 't you just pack the rest of it then , all I have left is my shoes , I think . I 'll start writing a goodbye . " I pulled out a notebook and grabbed a pen off my bedside table . Sitting down I tried to think of what my story would be . I looked around the room , as if looking for inspiration when my eyes settled on Remus . Well , at least it 'd be more true than any other mumbo jumbo I could come up with . Please always remember that I love you so so much and I am grateful for all that you 've done for me . I wanted to wait to you came home to tell you in person , but I cannot wait . I 'm moving into the city , I 've been saving up and have enough to sustain me and Mammoth , I 'm going to find work and a new life there . I promise I will visit and write you once I am settled in . Please don 't worry about me , you raised me right and now you have to let me prove it . I will miss you so very much and I love you always , I put my pen down and shrugged my shoulders , it wasn 't my best effort , but it 'd have to do . I folded the paper up and looked at Remus , " Ready ? " He nodded and picked up my bags and slung both of them over his shoulder , I protested that I could at least carry one of them , but he wouldn 't hear it . I set the letter down on the kitchen table and locked the back door after we left . Remus led the way back to the cabin but I straggled behind him , trying my best not to cry . It was strange , for never having much change in my entire life to completely changing everything . I didn 't know for sure whether I would be able to return and I didn 't want to ask . I didn 't want to hear more details on my gruesome new life today . It was weird , walking behind Remus . Following someone I knew little of out into the wood . Was I following him like I was a prisoner , off to settle into a new block ? Or was I following him out of my former prison ? The entrapment I had made for myself , staying at home and reaching for nothing more than what was within arms ' length . I had a brief thought about how I did not notify the Ross ' or the Murray 's , how come Monday morning they would be in a panick when I did not show . A dark thought of " whatever " scrolled through my thoughts and I opted to forget about the kids and focus on following Remus , for now . I could see Remus walking ahead of me , but then I knew I just had to turn right and keep walking . The back of my head was screaming at me to keep following him , but my instincts insisted I go this new direction . I couldn 't seem to stop walking away so I shouted for Remus . Seeing me walking away he jolted into a run and grabbed my shoulders . " Where are you going ? " I shook my head and kept crying , eventually I managed to say that I just knew I had to go this way . Realization dawned on his face as he said " Remind me to ask Lily if we can make an exception for you in these charms . It won 't do any good if you can 't even get to where you 're supposed to stay . " He led me all the way back to the cabin , but I didn 't see it until we were on the front stoop . All this magic was beginning to intimidate me but I knew I had to trust Remus . I vaguely remember him saying he 'd cook us some dinner , but , upset , I curled back up onto the couch and cried myself to sleep . Whatever I had just been dreaming about I completely forgot because the pain that woke me up was unbearable . I grabbed my leg where it felt as though I was being electrocuted as jolts of pain emanated from my bite . Clearly , James ' numbing charm wasn 't permanent . I glanced out the window and could hardly see the trees it was so dark , I really did not want to wake up Remus so I hopped towards the refrigerator , not daring to put any weight on my foot and clenching my jaw so that I wouldn 't cry out . I reached the refrigator and bit harder onto my lip trying to find some way to focus on anything but the pulsating jolts wracking my body . I pulled the freezer door open and glanced inside , hoping for a bag of frozen vegetables . I rummaged through and found some frozen peas , hopped over and grabbed the dishtowel , I wrapped them up . Not having the energy to hop back to my couch I sat down on the cold tile and put the frozen bag on top of my bite . At first , I couldn 't feel any difference the electric shocks still pulsing out from the bite . It hurt like hell . I pushed the frozen peas more forcefully onto the wound and as the cold numbed my leg the pain subsided , kind of . I sighed and leaned back against the cabinets only to look up and find I wasn 't the only one awake . Remus was standing near my feet just looking at me , at least I think so , it was still dark and hard to see . " Are you okay ? " " Well , now I am , I think the numbing charm wore off . Thank goodness wizards still need freezers or else I wouldn 't have found these - " I gestured towards the bag of peas , " to numb my leg . " " Mm … I see , I do think that the shooting pains will go away after a day or so . Let me know if you want me to repreform the numbing charm . " I really wished that I could see him , but it was just too dark . It was hard to tell how he was feeling by his voice alone . From what I could glean he was uncomfortable . I felt bad that he 's been so upset , why make it sound worse and have him do more magic . " I think I have it handled for now , thanks . " My tone was less than pleasant because my sole focus was on just how much my leg hurt . Could I saw it off , would that help , ugh I just wanted it to subside . Remus did not reply , and I do not think he moved away either . I took a sharp breath then attempted conversation more nicely , this time . " Does , er , does it ever hurt like this again ? " I heard him sit down and could feel that he was on the floor somewhere near me . He sighed , " I really don 't know how to describe it . Before the full moon , its as if the bite mark is just tingling with anticipation . And the wolf starts to affect you too , you get more , let 's say , animalistic . Then there 's the pain of the actual transformation , of course . But after ? Afterwards , there 's a mix of exhaustion from not sleeping at all and soreness from the transformation . But is it ever that electrocuting pain again ? No , that 's just the pain associated with your body changing from human to werewolf - not what you become during the full moon - but the state I 'm in and you 'll be in . " " It 's hard to explain really , it 's as if inside you there is another thing , that gets more present the closer it gets to the full moon . Basically it 's my excuse for when I 'm quick tempered and edgy the few days before . But it 's not entirely an excuse , in a couple of weeks , you 'll understand . " I didn 't want to find out in a couple weeks , I didn 't want to find out ever . The pain was slightly subsiding - thank you frozen peas . Well , not really subsiding , justless . And a little more less . I looked over at him and realized that I could see him , my eyes must have become accustomed to the dark . He wasn 't looking directly back at me though , instead his eyes were once again locked on the scars and bruises on my legs . I glanced down and realized that the frozen peas had slipped off but my leg didn 't feel as though someone had jabbed a downed power line into an open wound on it . Remus spoke again , " I 'm sorry . " It seemed like every conversation I had with him included him apologizing at least one time . Frankly , it made me uncomfortable because I wasn 't sure how to forgive him directly and also I worried that he was pitying me , something I really did not want . " Seriously , Remus , stop apologizing . This seems to be kind of a done deal and I 'd rather hear something else out of your mouth , okay ? " He shrugged slightly , " If you say so , how about we go back to bed now though . Knowing my friends , even though I said not to come back for a couple of days , they 'll be here bright and early tomorrow . " He had stood up and was standing above me , arm outstretched to help pull me up . I was really wary about putting weight on my bitten leg still and rather than bend both legs into a kind of tuck to make it easier to stand up , I left that leg limp and grabbed Remus ' hand . He didn 't pull me up like I expected but bent down and slung me up into his arms , carrying me like a child . I squirmed a little and whined " You didn 't have to do that ! I can walk all by myself ! " He smiled as he walked me back toward the couch , " Oh really ? I see you favoring your one leg , so I decided to favor the other . Keeps things even , can 't have one getting jealous , you know ? " I laughed at his joke and then laughed even harder when instead of setting me down gently he just let me drop on the couch . Remus was an odd fellow , one second he 's morose and thoughtful , the next he 's playful and joking . What was his true personality ? He smiled and said " We 'll add a room for you tomorrow , can 't have you living out of a duffel bag forever . But tonight you 'll have to deal with the shabby old couch . " " Shabby isn 't a bad thing , it just means it 's been broken in . " He didn 't say anything as he walked back towards his room , but through the dark I could see his happy expression . I snuggled beneath the blanket and made myself comfortable and after a few minutes I heard a voice come from the other room , it was quiet and I was surprised I even heard it . Previous Chapter Next Chapter Favorite | Reading List | Currently ReadingBack ChaptersStory Index1 . Prologue2 . Chapter 13 . Chapter 24 . Chapter 35 . Chapter 46 . Chapter 57 . Chapter 68 . Chapter 79 . Chapter 810 . Chapter 911 . Chapter 1012 . Chapter 1113 . Chapter 1214 . Chapter 1315 . Chapter 1416 . Chapter 1517 . Chapter 1618 . Chapter 1719 . Chapter 1820 . Chapter 1921 . Chapter 2022 . Chapter 2123 . Chapter 2224 . Chapter 2325 . Chapter 2426 . Chapter 25 Next Write a ReviewCabin Fever : Chapter 3 All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent . This is an unofficial , not for profit site , and is in no way connected with J . K . Rowling , Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros . It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties . Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied . The use of photographs and / or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind . Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use . Although we may provide links to other websites , we are not responsible for any material at these sites . You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk . All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form ( electronic or otherwise ) without prior consent . © 2000 - 2016 Fanfictionworld . net |
People usually get my first name wrong , so I introduce myself by saying , " I 'm Lane , like Memory Lane , or Shady Lane , or Lovers ' Lane . " There 's no confusion after that . So this blog is a no - confusion visit down my Memory Lane . The Old Man got very upset the other day because he found out I had called him the Old Man in the blog . He said to Mom , " What 's this " Old Man " #&%*@ ? Did you get a boyfriend or something ? " Well , you could have knocked me over with a mousie ! In the cat world , all the dads are called Old Man because we usually don 't know for sure which one is our actual dad . Sometimes there are a couple of dads for the same litter ; it can get confusing . To cats , Old Man is a title of respect and a certain amount of fear . They are fearsome creatures , scarred up from fighting and everything . It 's best to keep your distance . But I guess to people , it means something else . I 'm not sure what , but I know he did not like it . So , in the ancient words of cat spirituality , I say to Dad , " Meow culpa , meow culpa , meow maxima culpa . I will not call you anything but Dad from now on . Oh , and I am pretty sure Mom doesn 't have any boyfriends . I have never smelled an outsider male person on her and I get to smell her a lot when I snuggle . " Now that I 've taken care of that , I will say a few words about Christmas Day at our house . Tori woke up Mom and Dad at 3 : 00 a . m . and wanted to go open presents . Mom and Dad BOTH said the % $ * & @ $ * words and told her to go back to bed . She did - after she went in the kitchen and ate snacks . We cats have never gotten a snack at 3 : 00 a . m . and I would like to figure out how to open the big box so we could do that , too . Well , I suppose you can guess that Mom could not go back to sleep and Dad didn 't get good sleep either . He said he tossed and turned . Just what he was tossing and turning is unclear to me , but I know it was not treats or cat toys . At least he stayed in bed . Mom went in her working room and turned on her machine . I don 't really like that machine because Mom won 't let me jump up and walk around it or sleep in front of it , like she let 's me at her computer . I tried to jump up and she said , " No , Smudge , " and it scared me and I slipped . That made me grab with my claws and part of what I grabbed was Mom 's leg , whiLane Devereux Mom is back in her room for making things . She told the Old Man that when she finished this present , she would be done for Christmas . I hope so , because she has not had much time for me lately . Last night I got my first good snuggle in a long time without Frankie S . butting in . Frankie is my younger brother . We don 't have the same father , but that really doesn 't matter to cats . ( And it shouldn 't matter to people , either , IMHO . ) Mom whispered Frankie , Lovie ( his twin sister ) , and Little Bit into our house last June . She didn 't want them to grow up wild like our birth mother . We had five cats in this house and that is a lot more cats than anyone should have . In fact , the perfect number of cats to adopt is ONE and it should be ME ! ! ! ! ( Are you listening , Mom ? ) Mom and the Old Man built this cage thing to keep the kittens from running all over the place . At night , they put them in the hallway bathroom so the could run around and play . I got kind of put out , because Mom spent an awful lot of time playing with them instead of me . Finally , she got rid of my two sisters . A nice lady came over with her four people - kittens and they picked Lovie and Little Bit and took them home . That left Frankie . I know they planned to give Frankie away , but it never seemed to work out . When they found a place that would take him , he ran away ! In fact , that kitten ran away two times before he settled down , and he brought us all fleas the second time ! ! The fleas made me get a b - a - t - h . I hate fleas . One day , Mom told the O . M . that I liked to play with Frankie and they should let me have him for MY pet . And then they laughed , like it was real funny . They should know that no one can own a cat . Cats own themselves and sometimes people , but we are clever enough to let the people imagine they are the " owners . " Mom was right about me liking to play with Frankie . After living with two old , crotchety cats who wouldn 't know a real mouse from a toy , I wanted more action and Frankie provided lots of action . The problem with Frankie is that he is not as . . . Posted by My Mom is busy in the room where she makes things . ( I love to go in there now because she has lots of interesting things on the floor called scraps and they are fun to bat around and pounce on . ) Mom doesn 't know I am doing this , so don 't tell her . She hasn 't been using her computer very much to write things lately . I 'm pretty sure this is bothering her because I heard her telling the Old Man that someone sent her an anonymous email accusing her of being remiss . Whatever remiss means , she felt bad about it . Also , she overheard two other friends at a Christmas party saying she hadn 't posted since October . Even though she feels bad about letting people down , she told the Old Man , she just couldn 't post because her heart wasn 't in it . So it seems to me that Mom needs some help . My name is Smudge . I am a very handsome tuxedo cat . I 'm not bragging . Mom says that all the time , so I know it 's true . I live here with my younger brother , Frankie S . , and a mean old cat named Trixie . We used to have another old cat , Jack , who was the boss cat , but he went away a while ago and he never came back . He had gone away a few times and then come back smelling funny , but this time he just disappeared . Mom and the Old Man were pretty upset , so I think something bad happened to Jack . Mom went away and was gone so long I didn 't think she was coming back , but finally she did . I felt so relived . ( The Old Man tries hard , but he has a lot to learn about snuggling cats . Cats always say you can 't teach old people new tricks , so I guess I shouldn 't be too hard on him . He tries . ) Anyway , while she was gone for a long time , her father went away and he didn 't come back either . That upset Mom and the Old Man more than I 've ever seen . After she came back so sad , Jack disappeared . And after that there was a lot of commotion about holidays and she didn 't seem to have much time for us . And , I hate to tell you , we found out that when Frankie escaped that time , he brought back fleas and gave them to all of us ! It 's embarrassing , but it 's the truth . Mom realPosted by I am finally finishing my report of vacation doings . It has taken a long time . I wonder why that is . . . oh , well , time flies when you 're having fun ! Our 4th big adventure happened at the Oklahoma City Museum of Art . We were lucky enough to have our return stay in OKC coincide with the museum 's late night . After we checked into our hotel , we took short naps , then headed out to find the Art . Actually , we were quite close , although I was glad to have my GPS along . OKC has a lot of twisty and one - way streets that would have been difficult to navigate from a map . The museum itself is nestled between downtown buildings . It looks more incorporated with the business community than our art museums in Houston . They are in a separate Museum District . The glass - fronted building immediately revealed an unexpected treasure : A three - story , 2 , 100 - object glass sculpture by a famous glass artist named Dale Chihuly . This lovely piece of art is titled the Kirkpatrick Memorial Tower . ( Click on the name to see a photo of it . ) We first learned about Chihuly at the Houston Center for Contemporary Craft , a wonderful public art gallery and artists - in - residence workplace , when they sponsored an glass art exhibit last year . Along with glass from many artists , there was a film about Chihuly , his vast glass art facility , and techniques of blowing / making art glass . It fascinated me , partly because son Nick made beautiful glass art in college . That exhibit had primed me for anything Chihuly . It turned out that the OKC Museum of Art has the largest collection of Dale Chihuly 's work in the country . ( His wife came from there , so he has roots in Oklahoma . ) Once I heard that , I got excited . My excitement doubled when the guard told me that photography - even flash photography - was permitted in the Chihuly galleries . I immediately left to get my camera out of the car . If you clicked on Chihuly 's name in the paragraph above , you saw photographs of his exhibit . ( If you didn 't , do it now ! ) I cannot begin to describe them to you in words because they are so Posted by As promised , here is part three of my travelogue about vacationing in Grand Forks , North Dakota last month . In 1997 , Grand Forks experienced one of the most devastating floods in U . S . history . The Red River , which incidentally flows north to Lake Winnipeg in Canada , overflowed its banks , forcing 60 , 000 people from their homes . Flood waters filled the entire city and , to make matters worse , downtown Grand Forks started burning after the flood hit . Because fire trucks could not get through the flooded streets the fire burned out of control , destroying 11 buildings in the process . Grand Forks has a sister city , East Grand Forks , which is just across the Red River on the Minnesota side . It too was devastated by the flood , with every home in the town under water . Between Grand Forks and East Grand Forks , the scale of destruction was enormous . The basement of my sister 's home flooded , but not the upper floors . When my dad built the house , he put the electrical junction box / circuit breaker panel in the garage for his own convenience although builders usually put them in the basement . This decision helped my sister and b - i - l very much because they had electricity after the flood , which most people did not have . During the evacuation , their family got separated . My sister , b - i - l , and niece went to Bismarck to stay with one of our brothers . Their son ended up in Fargo with his very pregnant girlfriend . Her parents ended up in Minnesota . The teen - aged couple delivered their baby in a strange city with not one family member or acquaintance present to help or support them . ( Fortunately , that turned out well . The baby is now a good - looking 12 - year - old with two very darling little sisters . ) That 's the background for telling you about the Greenway . The two towns decided to prevent a similar disaster by protecting the land in the expanded flood plain from development . To this end , they built the Greenway , 2 , 200 acres of open space developed and maintained for recreation in the heart of Grand Forks and East Grand Forks . The Greenway isPosted by I left off my vacation reveries with our time in my hometown , Grand Forks , North Dakota . . After Thomas Wolfe published his novel " You Can 't Go Home Again " in 1940 , the notion that you can 't return to your childhood home because it has changed and you have changed achieved the status of cliche in American culture . Somewhat mangled into " You can never go home again , " this adage is well - known and frequently cited . The Google search I conducted a moment ago brought up 47 , 000 citations for the phrase . But I think you can go home again if you have the right attitude . Perhaps this feeling stems from the fact that I actually did stay in my childhood house during my vacation . My sister Janet - the only sister I have among six siblings - and her husband Dave - who was in my high school class - purchased my parents ' home when my father became chief of laboratory services for the state of North Dakota and moved to Bismarck , the capital . This is not to say that the house remains the same as I remember it . In their thirty - odd years of occupancy , Janet and Dave have made many wonderful improvements and updates to the house . Nature aided them somewhat in this endeavor by inundating the whole town in 1997 in a terrible flood that forced them to replace outdated equipment , like the old furnace . Other changes they made without catastrophic prompting , like renovating and redesigning the kitchen and creating a master suite out of the old master bedroom and an adjacent bedroom . Everything turned out very well and , oddly , the house retains the same ambiance it had when I lived there as a child . It has always been a special house . My mother designed it for the needs of her large family and my father built it with the help of my brothers , a carpenter , and the carpenter 's helper . It had nothing in common with typical tract homes of the 1950s . I 'd venture that its New England saltbox silhouette is still unique in Grand Forks . One of mother 's special touches was a laundry chute from the upstairs bathroom through the first floor bathroom and thenPosted by Our missing kitten , Frankie S . ( named for Frank Sinatra because he has big blue eyes ) is back in the house . For those of you who don 't know about the feral kittens I whispered into the house in June , Frankie and his two sisters lived with us for several weeks while we looked for homes for them . The sisters , Lovie and Little Bit , were adopted by our friends the Crawfords and they have new names to go with their new family . Frankie stayed with us , although it was not intended to be permanent . Michael decided to take him to our vet for a feline leukemia test . We wanted to let him loose in the house and needed to be sure he wasn 't a danger to our other cats . On the way to the car , Frankie discovered that the door of the crate was not latched securely and he made a break ! Before Michael could even react , Frankie hit the pavement and bounded across the street . We 've had sightings off and on in the month since then . He regularly came to our house to eat , but we were not able to coax him back inside . This is where having our A / C break down worked out for the best . We have had the windows open to keep the air moving through the house . And Frankie showed up at the window to chat through the screen with Smudge , who is his half brother , soon after we opened them . When we had the three kittens , they all loved Smudge and wanted cuddle up to him . Smudge took a somewhat dim view of this , possibly because it was three on one , but he seemed happy enough to have visits with Frankie through the screen window . ( Perhaps Smudge 's recent stay at Coffee and Casey 's house while we were gone helped him to be more flexible , too . ) I decided to try to whisper Frankie back in the house . I fed him wet cat food through the back door and I sat near the food bowl when I put kibble out for him . As long as I didn 't look at him , Frankie was willing to eat with me two feet away , although he did seem nervous . Michael started talking to him through the screen , too , and he didn 't run away . But Smudge did the whispering this time . We opened our back door a liPosted by Arriving home from a really enjoyable vacation with family in lovely , cool weather to a Texas home that registers 93 degrees at 8 : 00 pm seems like a bad practical joke . Our first thought ? Someone turned the heat on by accident . Okay , it seems far - fetched , but we did not want to face the possibility of our A / C unit being on the blink . We have lived in this house for 17 years . We have replaced floors , repaired or replaced a variety of major appliances , installed new storage systems , and , thanks to Hurricane Ike , we had a new roof put on last December . Why are we surprised that our A / C compressor gave up the ghost ? I 'm not surprised - I feel betrayed ! If the compressor had to go out , how about when we were home , and on a Monday , when service is readily available ? Perhaps the lesson here is don 't come home from vacation on Friday night . . . Okay . That 's off my chest . I don 't intend to waste anymore energy on the air conditioner than absolutely necessary . Vacation this year had some very special elements to it . First , Michael and I traveled without children ! What a lovely change . We started and stopped whenever we felt like it . No one asked " Are we there yet ? " . No one had urgent potty issues in the middle of nowhere . No one complained about the snacks we packed or whined for special treats . ( All right , Michael may have whined for coffee once or twice , but he wasn 't too bad . ) Second nice thing , we shared the driving and we didn 't push ourselves . And that worked out so well . The first day we drove from home to Oklahoma City , arriving at dinner time . The trip takes about 7 . 5 hours . Since we wanted to visit the Oklahoma City Murrah Building National Memorial after dark , it worked out perfectly . If you haven 't ever visited Oklahoma City , I strongly recommend it as a destination . The OKC Memorial is one of the reasons . This is our third visit to the Memorial , the first being during it 's construction . The designer did a fantastic job of conveying the solemnity and sorrow of this loss . Each lost life is represented by an empty chair Posted by This is Kitten # 3 , the only boy in the bunch . I caught him last and he is still a little scared , but when I pick him up , he snuggles up with me and purrs , purrs , purrs . I think this boy will make a nice house cat . This is Kitten # 2 . I practically snatched her out of midair as she was trying to climb over her brother to get to the food . As her number suggests , I caught her second . She is tinier than the others , but has a very assertive personality and doesn 't let the " twins " bully her . This is Kitten # 1 . She stumbled into a trap we set to catch an adult feral for a trap - neuter - release event . We terrified her at first , but now she is tame and wants to be picked up and petted . If she doesn 't get enough lap time , she lets us know it ! I have some video , too . Unfortunately , I haven 't mastered the technique for getting it from my camera to the internet yet . I 'm working on it . These three darlings need homes soon . They are at a great stage for bonding with new owners . We took them to our vet for check - ups , baby shots , and deworming . They will need another baby shot in a bit , and , when they are 5 to 6 months old , they will have to be neutered . We can 't rescue these babies from the hard , short life of a feral cat only to see them join the kitten production line in a few months . So if you knows a nice person or family who would like a nice kitten , please contact me asap . If you contact me from the blog , remember that I can 't reply to your comments directly , so you need to give me some kind of contact information . Thanks for your good wishes for these kittens ! Ciao ( or should I say Meow ? ) I am beat from an intense weekend of training , but before I head off to bed , here 's a brief rundown on the experience . Michael and I went to this training program because our friends at Lutheran Social Services of the South ( LSSS ) were sponsoring it and we have a great deal of respect for them . They have been instrumental in providing couples enrichment programs for adoptive parents of special needs children and we have learned so much attending their programs for the last few years . In April , we were fortunate to be invited to attend a leadership training program for adoptive parents in the Hill Country , also sponsored by LSSS . Funding for marriage and family support programs is drying up in our bad economy , and LSSS is trying to recruit and develop people from the served communities to step in and help . One of these programs is Twogether in Texas which is a premarital course that the state of Texas sponsors for engaged couples . The state fee for a marriage license is $ 60 and , by completing this 8 - hour course , a couple can get that fee waived . Since Twogether in Texas is free to the participants , this is a good deal . The state also waives the usual waiting period after getting your marriage license . These incentives are designed to lure people into taking a class that can help them have a better marriage with better communications . The program that Twogether in Texas uses is based on the " Family Wellness " training program . A couple of psychologists developed the program twenty years or so ago and it is widely used for couples education , family education , premarital education , etc . In fact , there are seven different Family Wellness curricula , all based on the same theoretical framework . Once you have graduated from the framework training , you can teach any of the seven classes . We did not know this information when we showed up at the hotel Thursday morning . We expected our fellow attendees to be other adoptive parents . They weren 't . Instead , the classes were filled with professionals from the community . They includePosted by This morning at 10 : 00 A . M . , a life - altering event took place . My youngest child , Victoria , graduated from high school . Dressed in a ruby red cap and gown , she and 16 other young people took the traditional walk across ( in this case ) the altar and received their diplomas from the University of Texas - University Charter School in Waco , Texas . As much as the day can be called a red - gown day for Victoria , it is a red - letter day for me . I began parenting in 1974 . ( That 's 35 years ago for those of you who don 't do math in your head . I didn 't have to do the math because my oldest child turned 35 last week . ) 23 years - old at the time of Alexandra 's birth , I attended graduate school at Washington University in St . Louis . I had been supporting myself since I turned 18 and left home for college , and I certainly felt grown - up and ready for parenting . While I didn 't count on my first marriage ending so precipitously , making me a single parent , I managed well - enough for the two and a half years before I married Michael and got some help . I felt grown - up and ready for parenting ; after all , I had been taking care of myself for years . Attending college and graduate school at private universities required an enormous effort on my part because I paid my own way - for tuition , for books and fees , for housing , food , and anything else I needed . My parents did not approve of my choice to leave home for college and made supporting me conditional on attending the local university . I could not conceive of staying in my small town when a whole unexplored world beckoned . This parting of the ways made me an emancipated youth at a time when normal emancipation happened at 21 , not 18 . Voting happened at 21 , not 18 , for that matter . Many colleges required parental permission for student s to stay out past midnight , among other arcane rules of the dark ages . And even today , it is damned hard to be classified as emancipated in the eyes of the federal government 's financial aid machine . Why does any of this matter ? And what does it have to do with Lane Devereux We had lovely celebrations on May Day during my childhood . On May 1 each year , we would make May Baskets for our friends . May Baskets usually were decorated cupcake papers , or perhaps something stronger , with a handle made out of twisted pipe cleaners . Into these little baskets went a variety of small candies , maybe a posy of flowers , and a name tag . The really special thing about May Baskets stemmed from the stealth and secrecy of planting them on someone 's front doorstep , ringing the bell , then slipping away without being caught . I remember making the baskets of treats up with my mother 's assistance . ( Okay , she did most of the work and I probably just got in her way , but I was little and doing my best . ) We would fill up a 13x9 cake pan with the May Baskets and take off around the neighborhood to drop them off . Maybe the mothers coordinated their timing , but I don 't ever remember running into anyone else while delivering my May Baskets . Nevertheless , I always got May Baskets in return . One year , when I was five or six , my neighborhood Markie Hall ( a year younger than me ) gave me a wonderful May Basket that I still have all these years later . It is about four inches tall , with a handle that rises another three or four inches above the basket . The basket had a paper doily as a liner and I 'm sure it was filled with candy , but the little woven basket in and of itself made me so happy that I don 't remember much more about it . Markie 's parents owned a flower shop and perhaps the wicker basket was just a run - of - the - mill item to them . Or maybe not . I have no idea if anyone else got such a lovely little basket and it would probably have been a topic of conversation among the preschool set , so he might have had " special feelings " for me . I know we played together a lot . He had no siblings and no prospects of any , being the only child of a middle - aged couple who had not been able to have other children . Aside : I knew this by eavesdropping on my mother 's bridge club and at various other womanly get - togethers . A favorite trick of Posted by April 12 , 2009 marked the 30th anniversary of a calamitous lossfor Michael and me . This is my recollection of that event . The most astonishing thing about tragedy is the amount of time a split second can take . Awake , but not up , I heard a sound like a rifle report at 6 : 10 a . m . and looked up to see a crack of blue sky at the top of my bedroom wall , where it met the ceiling . Without another thought , I shook my sleeping husband . " Get up ! The house is falling in , " I yelled . He got up immediately , without questioning me , and we ran for the third floor , where our 4 - year - old daughter and 3 - month - old son were asleep . Both of us wore almost nothing , and I grabbed my robe , belt missing , as we ran . Holding my robe closed with the baby , I started back down the two flights of stairs to the front door . At the first landing , I realized my husband had not followed . " Come on , " I yelled in panic , " we have to get out of here . " For the first time , I could see the doubt in his eyes about my conviction of imminent demise . " I 'm not going anywhere without my pants on , " he said categorically . I replied by taking my daughter 's hand from his , and , in my heart , abandoning him to his foolish pride and his fate . At the front stoop , I stopped to bang on our neighbor 's apartment door . I knew that Jack , the husband , would be gone to work , and that Kitty would already be busy with housework . As she opened the door , I warned her that we had to get away because the house was falling in . Kitty gave me an incredulous look and then staunchly refused to leave without her purse . As she walked back into the apartment , I followed , grabbing her telephone to call 911 . My pounding heart made my fingers awkward and my voice breathy , but I managed to dial and to ask for the fire department . In the seconds it took for the St . Louis Fire Department emergency dispatcher to answer , I forced myself to calm down so I could speak clearly . " I live at 2348 South 12th Street and my house is falling in . " I hung up the phone and walked back to the front door . Kitty stood behPosted by Since the kitten Smudge entered our home on December 27 , 2008 , I have observed quite intriguing feline behavior . Jack and Trixie , our 15 year old cats , do not like Smudge , who wants nothing more than a playmate . Apparently bad attention is better than no attention , so Smudge behaves like an obnoxious brat to the older cats . He will pounce on the cats ' tails as they whip back and forth in annoyance ; he will spring out from under the dust ruffle of our bed at an unsuspecting cat ; he will leap up where another cat is settled peacefully and practically land them . Jack has achieved an equanimity about it . He and Smudge play fight , rising up on their haunches and bopping each other soundly with their front paws , no claws extended . Jack towers over Smudge and outweighs him by ten pounds , but he 's the one who usually walks away from their encounters . Trixie is another matter all together . She is a very timid cat . Many of my friends have never seen Trixie because she stays on my bed or hides when we have company . After 14 and a half years of carefully cultivated association , she has sat on my lap three or four times maximum . She loves to be petted by me or one of our immediate family members , but if you pick her up , she leans away from your body as far as she can until you put her down . This said , Trixie is very attached to me and apparently very jealous of Smudge in addition to annoyed by him . Trixie has gone overboard expressing her feelings . She hisses , snarls , lunges and otherwise threatens Smudge . . . and Jack . . . and us if Smudge is close to us . For years I have been protecting Trixie from Jack 's aggressiveness - he outweighs her by nearly as much as he outweighs Smudge - and suddenly she has Jack on the run from her slashing claws and gnashing fangs . Now comes the really fascinating part . Whenever the atmosphere gets too intense - Jack throws an extra hard punch or Trixie corners him - Smudge flops onto his side and presents himself helplessly , belly exposed , to their teeth and claws . And immediately , the aggression stoPosted by Some weeks are crazy . Go , go , go . Busy , busy , busy . But even most crazy weeks are not like the one I 've just had . It started last Saturday . I finally managed all the arrangements to capture Mom - our feral cat friend - and have her spayed . Except for one little problem . No way was Mom going into our trap , thank you very much . What we found in the trap early Saturday morning was Dad , the male cat who Smudge looks just like . Well , a neutered feral cat of any gender is a blessing , so we took Dad to SNAP ( Spay and Neuter Assistance Program ) to be fixed . Michael and I then zoomed home and did some housework before changing into good clothes and heading back into town . First , we attended an Artist Talk at the gallery show of our friend Lillian Warren . Lillian 's new work at the Rudolph Projects | Artscan Gallery impressed me a lot . Titled " Here is Nowhere , " the art explores the landscape of contemporary America with all it 's sameness and anonymity . Originally photographed or videotaped , often from within a car , the scenes have an " anywhere " feel to them . Those could be electrical lines anywhere ; highway overpass buttresses anywhere ; highway signs anywhere ; street scenes anywhere . For me , this gives the paintings the feeling of being everywhere . Each scene looked like someplace I have been although I can 't quite put my finger on where it is . The colors in the paintings are subtle , mostly early evening or early morning colors , dusky or smoky , full of purples and roses and soft blues . Everything identifiable is slightly fuzzed out , adding to the sense of everywhere - ness . After a lively discussion with Lillian and her gathered admirers , Michael and I moved on to Gallery 3 at the Winter Street Studios where our friend Piyali Sen Das Gupta has a show mounted . Piyali , hosting an open gallery , greeted us when we arrived . Her current show features her dog , Scooby , a basset hound I have had the pleasure of meeting in person . " The Dog Stories , " as she titles her exhibit , features much more than a dog ; it is the story of the conjunctiPosted by The immigrants who settled North Dakota , my birthplace and home , came primarily from Scandinavia and Europe , with a smattering of French fur traders tossed into the mix . Thus , my Swedish paternal grandfather - Johann Sven Gustafson - and my Alsatian grandmother - Frances Froelich . I grew up in a Catholic family and attended Catholic schools bursting at the seams with the burgeoning baby - boomer generation , but even in a Catholic setting , the Irish had little presence in my life . My classmates had names like Budzeak , Chaput ( pronounced Shep - ee ) , Eisner , Garceau , Kroeber , Prochaska , and Lizakowski . Exposure to names like these from an early age , besides bestowing on me a facility with hard to pronounce or spell surnames , also forever marked me as an outsider in places like Houston . You see , I grew up pronouncing the oe combination with the German " A " sound , as in Fray - lick ( Froelich ) and Kray - ber ( Kroeber , ) whereas Houstonians pronounce it with the " O " sound . People are always correcting me , but I stubbornly cling to my linguistic heritage . Back to my classroom . I will allow that one or two Anglo - Saxon names cropped up - Houlihan and Higgins come to mind - but overall , the Irish just hadn 't made much of a mark on day - to - day life in Grand Forks , North Dakota . Even today , the population with Irish ancestry in my home state hovers around seven percent . My first teacher at St . Mary 's Elementary School - which I didn 't get into until second grade because of baby boom overcrowding - had the rolls - off - your - tongue moniker of Sister Theodosia . Sister Theodosia earned my unending opprobrium when she decided to give me a new name . My actual given name is Mary Lane , but my family only called me Lanie . My mother can 't explain why she saddled me with Mary at all , but , by age seven , I really didn 't think the name had anything to with me . Sr . Theodosia , on the other hand , being certain that Lane was not a saint 's name , refused to use it and insisted on calling me Mary . Naturally , I ignored her , thinking she meant one of the many other Marys in my class of 40 . Let 's see : we had Mary Margaret , Mary Ann , Mary Catherine , Mary Ellen , and three just plain Marys . I thought she should have been relieved to have at least one student whose name was unique , but she would have none of it . It is terrible to be in trouble on your very first day at your new school when you are really a good little girl . It may even account for some of my life - long foibles . My mother tried to reason with Sister Theodosia , but the best she could negotiate for me was Mary Lane , which rolls off the tongue as Marralane . I hated it , and I hated Sister Theodosia , but I suffered it until I turned sixteen and my rebellious side blossomed . Then I reclaimed Lane and later managed , by a clever arrangement with my maiden name , to ditch Mary forever . Now , I know you are wondering what this has to do with " Going Green or How I Became Irish . " Just this : As a nice Swedish girl from the North Dakota , I had little or no point of reference for Irish - ness . Then I landed in St . Louis for college , and , as it turned out , stayed for a lot more fun . St . Louis is kind of the anti - North Dakota as far as the Irish go . For one thing , they started going there early , in the 18th century , welcomed by the French , with whom they had waged a futile war against England and with whom this particular bunch of Irish folk were co - religionists . And they kept coming because the people in St . Louis treated them a lot better than the people on America 's Eastern Seaboard did . Coming from an area populated largely by blue - eyed , blond - haired people , the incidence of red hair , green eyes , and freckles in St . Louis astonished me . Not to mention the number of Catholic churches - one on every corner it seemed . Suddenly , St . Patrick 's Day had MEANING in capital letters . There were parades , there were hats , there were tee shirts , there was green beer and Irish stew , and there were buttons that said " Kiss me ; I 'm Irish . " The name Gustafson closed the door on pretending to be Irish , but I enjoyed the beer , the parades , and the antics of the Irish all around me . To me it seemed as gaudy and over the top as Mardi Gras does today . It 's fun to watch , but I 'm not taking my shirt off for plastic beads , thank you very much . By skipping over nearly a decade of my life in St . Louis , we come to the significant part . In January of 1976 , I met an appealing , redheaded , green - eyed fellow whose name and family , it turned out , were decidedly Irish . That December I married him and found myself suddenly Irish . As if to prove the point , our friends Steffie and Lenny Marks even gave us a set of Irish coffee goblets as a wedding present which we use to this day . The very next St . Patrick 's Day I found myself at the Buel Street Pub with a mug of green beer , wearing a green tee shirt that said , " Kiss Me , I 'm Irish , " and shouting " Erin go Braugh " although I had no idea what it meant . It turns out going green is easy once you get over being Swedish . Posted by I am a quilter , a writer , and a photographer . I live with my husband ; I have 3 children and a stepson , all grown . I am disabled due to lupus . In a previous life , I used to be a business professional . Now I do whatever I damn well please , which involves a lot of quilting , book arts , writing , and visual arts , plus the ballet and theatre . My husband retired in 2013 , so now I 'm having twice the fun . Blogger has developed an easy way to get your blog fix without doing much work . It is called a followers list . If you become a follower of my blog , you will get notified when I post new commentary . No more remembering to check my blog , only to find I haven 't posted anything new . I know some people who read it but haven 't been able to leave comments for one reason or another . By adding yourself as a follower , I will know that you are reading and hopefully enjoying my writing . Who knows , I might be inspired to write more posts ! ! I hope you will join my follower list . Ciao . I am currently writing a memoir . My memoir touches on the subjects of : ADOPTION , ADULT CHRONIC ILLNESS , CHILD ABUSE and NEGLECT , CHILDHOOD MENTAL ILLNESS , CHILDREN ' S PROTECTIVE SERVICES , FAMILY , LOVE , PARENTING , RELOCATION , and more . If you would like more information about my book , please contact me through my blog . |
June 25 , 2017UncategorizedArt , Beliefs , Catholic , Christianity , culture , Death , Education , Emotion , Faith , Forgiveness , God , Happiness , Humanity , Jesus , Life , Love , Philosophy , Poetry , Prayer , Religion , Salvation , Society , Spiritual , spirituality , Story , Teaching , theology , Time , Truth , War , Words , Worship , Writingflyinguineapig Imagine you know you 're part of an army but you don 't know who your allies are . You know you 've got enemies , but you don 't exactly know who they are . For all you know , they 're invisible . They 're often smarter than you , and they 're masters of trickery . It 's dark , you 're tired , and you know your side is losing . You start to wonder if resistance is futile . Eventually it really starts to seem that way . Then something drastically changes . Defeat seems inevitable until a new ally suddenly appears . He fights valiantly and he teaches you his ways . He heals your allies and defeats innumerable enemies . Then , once again , something changes . He warns that it is only a matter of time before his death , but your victory . He is captured , tortured , and killed , and you are forced to fall back , but miraculously , just days later , he is alive and your enemies vanquished . He was right , and he celebrates your victory with you because now that enemy you faced is conquered for good . He eventually says that he has to go , but he will send his spirit so he can always love you and guide you and help you , and he keeps his promise . Centuries go by until it seems that the whole world knows him , or appears to know of him . He is glorified in acts of heroism that mirror his own . He is honored in acts of love and goodness . Fantastic works of af art are created by those who love him still . You find , nonetheless , that things inevitably change . Slowly but surely , in many places he is forgotten ; in many places is made into a laughing stock ; even his very name is dishonored , thrown into the mire of language with unutterable words . And you ask , " what does it matter ? What is a name ? " A name is how you are known . You are known by your name as a writer or a thinker or a worker or a finder , or something else that makes you who you are . He is a hero , still here , still living , and his very identity is used as a curse . His name has weight ; it is precious . April 12 , 2017UncategorizedChildhood , Christian , Christianity , Death , Facebook , Faith , Family , God , Jesus , Life , media , people , School , Social Media , Storiesflyinguineapig I saw something on Facebook that said today is the day Judas decided to sneak off and agreed to give away Jesus ' location ; a decision that sent history and spirituality in a drastically new direction . Tomorrow is the night of the Last Supper , and the beginning of the Passion where Jesus stays up all night and prays in the Garden of Gethsemane . He 's not afraid of dying . God can 't die . He is afraid of the horrible pain that the human part of his nature is going to have to endure , though . Death is a very weird part of life . My dad and I listened to a story on NPR a few weeks ago about a woman who trains forest rangers on what to do when they find a dead body in the woods . She talked about how people generally want to see the body and say goodbye . For some reason , this wasn 't the case for me when my dad 's father died several years ago . I never saw his body . I chose not to . I 'm not sure why that was . I 'm really comfortable with the idea of an afterlife . I never knew my mom 's dad . He died when I was only about a year old . I just figure I 'll have a lot of annoying questions for them both when I get to heaven . The thing is , it 's fun to think about heaven or eternity or paradise , or whatever one wants to call it , but nonetheless , death is weird . It 's weird for the people who are left behind . My dad 's father was seriously sick and stuck in a nursing home for two years . By the end , though it felt wrong , or strange , or both , I found myself praying that God would take him . Then I found that I didn 't feel as sad about his death as I thought I should . It was , what I would call , an unfortunate relief . The other night my epilepsy was acting up , and I found myself praying nearly the same thing that Jesus did on the first Holy Thursday : God , if there 's a way that you can get rid of this , please make it go away , but if it 's meant to be for whatever reason , I pray that your will is done . Shortly after that I fell asleep . There is nothing better than sleep when dealing with epilepsy . I am hardly exaggerating when I say it feels like dying and coming back to life . It 's strange and scary , but it induces the deepest sleep . I try to envision myself as one of Jesus ' friends , and I wonder what they must have been thinking this week , and particularly over the next few days . Beyond the question of whether or not he was or wasn 't the Messiah they had been waiting for , their friend was in a terrible emotional state to begin with , but then he had to be tortured and executed . Just reading or hearing the story makes me angry and sad , and I can 't imagine what they must have been feeling . I imagine that Saturday was the worst , though . The initial shock was over . Everyone was hiding and waiting . Probably some of the Apostles had forgotten about what was supposed to happen on Sunday . They were probably thinking more about what on earth they were going to do next . Their leader was gone , and with that , they probably felt like their purpose truly was , or may have been lost . On top of all of that , all but one of them had abandoned Jesus , and they now had to deal with the self - incriminating emotions connected with that . What I do know is that they had hope . Jesus told them that they were going to mess up , but that they were also going to turn back . They didn 't initially know what they were doing , but once they did , they had something to hold onto . And still , death is a weird thing . I may have hope that I 'm going to see my grandfathers in heaven , but for years now they 've been in a place I can 't get to . When I was in middle school , I remember being vaguely familiar with a girl who had cancer , though I didn 't know it for a long time . I was not particularly religious at the time , and all I can remember thinking when she passed was , " Now what ? " December 19 , 2016UncategorizedAnalogy , Christianity , Christmas , Commercialism , culture , Danger , Darkness , Death , Faith , Fear , First Christmas , God , Holiday , hope , Jesus , Light , Long , Love , Music , Original , Personal , Story , Stress , Violenceflyinguineapig Over the past few days I 've been thinking about when Jesus talked about building a house on a rock versus building a house on the sand . Scrolling through my Facebook feed , I see a lot of cynicism and a lot of pessimism , and I wonder what this has to do with where one chooses to build their house . I remember at the beginning of Advent , going into my church and being surprised to see the purple on the altar and the Advent wreath by the entrance , but I was also excited . A week or two later I was asked to explain the meaning of the Advent wreath to my fourth grade class , and honestly , I had to google it . The wreath itself represents eternity . The three purple candles represent love , peace , and hope , The pink candle represents joy , and the white candle which is lit on Christmas Eve represents purity . My godmother came to visit during the first week of Advent , and she drew an advent wreath on our chalkboard . Even though it 's just a drawing , it 's been exciting each week to draw a yellow light on each of the candles . In scripture , God is referred to as our rock , our fortress , and our refuge . He has been that for me over and over . This weekend is Christmas . All the candles will be lit . There won 't be any more darkness . Still , scrolling through Facebook , I see darkness , sadness , and bad news . I heard once from someone who went to a therapist that they were told every ship needs a sail and an anchor . Some people are sails , and some people are anchors . Some people lead to new adventures , risks to take , and experiences to delight in or learn from . Others lead home . Using that analogy , it seems to me that so many people are sailing ships with no anchors . Last week I finished a song about the aftermath of the election . Don 't worry , this 'll be quick ; I know we 're all sick of talking about it . Both Clinton supporters and Trump supporters have been unfair and unkind , and in some cases , violent . I supported neither candidate . I didn 't vote . There 's a line in my song that says " I have one king . " The chorus of the song says : I think a lot of people have lost hope . I think Trump won because people lost faith in the government , and I think the people who didn 't support him lost hope because they still had faith in the government . Either way , everybody lost . Everybody lost if we 're only talking about the present , the immediate future , and the reality we know apart from God 's part in it . Everybody lost if we forget to hope . Jesus is king no matter what , and he will always be king no matter what . There is no reason to lose hope at Christmas time . It 's not about whether or not one has amazing decorations , or can hold extravagant parties , or can afford the newest , greatest gifts . What matters is the reason for celebrating . Last week I spent an hour with my fourth grade class as usual . I brought my ukulele and a bag of cookies my mom made . We sang a few songs , and my assistant teacher read a couple stories to the kids . It was one of the most worshipful hours I 've spent during Advent , and I spent it with eleven little kids . For some , Christmas is one of the only times to get together with family . For some , it 's a good excuse to eat junk food . One of our favorite traditions is to get my parents , brother , aunt , cousin and me into the car , get some hot chocolate or coffee and drive around and look at everyone 's lights . It 's fun to make our neighborhoods look pretty , and Christmas is a good excuse . For some , however , the weeks before Christmas are not fun . While everyone else is enjoying themselves , some are simply stretching themselves too thin . Some are reminded of bad experiences connected to this time . Some go hungry . Some are cold . Some spend the holiday alone . The first Christmas wasn 't a party . The first Christmas was dark and dangerous . Jesus ' life was in danger from the moment he was born . I don 't think he would want the world to forget that for the sake of having a good time . I think he might find it easier to identify with the people who aren 't having a good time . For those of us who are , it 's important to remember why , and to invite the Lord to have a good time with us . It can be as simple as remembering to pray before Christmas dinner , and making sure we get to church . I 've seen so many posts about how 2016 has been a really crappy year . Okay , in many ways I can 't disagree . Maybe it 's just been another year for me , but we 've had political unrest in our country , and the Middle East is still in turmoil . There have been terrorist attacks in various countries all over the world , and sometimes it looks like the world is going to end . As we fight for a better life for ourselves and others , we are dished out more problems . Yes , 2016 has looked bleak in many ways . We 've had to stare darkness in the face . We have two options this Christmas and in the weeks to come . We can look at that darkness , often disguised in songs about snowmen and sleigh rides : candy and chaos : we can look into that darkness and see only war and death ; or we can look into that darkness and defiantly say , " bring it on . I have the Light of the World inside of me . Jesus is with me , and that 's all I need . " We can live on hope alone . December 14 , 2016UncategorizedChristianity , Conversation , Death , Faith , Fantasy , Friend , Friends , Friendship , Fun , God , Good , Language , Listening , Love , Netflix , Once Upon A Time , Original , Personal , Stories , Story , TV , TV Show , Writingflyinguineapig Awhile ago I found a little green book on the coffee table in our living room . I picked it up and started looking at it . It had a picture of someone hanging onto a cross in a heart on the cover and had that old book smell that I can 't resist . It was filled with super old poems meant to help people through doubt or fear or what have you . I read a couple of them . They weren 't really " my thing , " so I put the book down and left it alone , but I kept thinking about it . Why did we even have it ? Where did it come from ? I asked my dad , and he said he had bought it a long time ago in a used book store . He just happened to be looking at it on a whim . It seemed like a pretty weird thing for my dad to buy . I was never really under the impression that my dad would be interested in this kind of thing . I decided to " borrow " it , but I didn 't look at it again for weeks . For several weeks now I 've been trying to finish the third story in my mythology . It 's a very short story , but it 's complicated because it 's about how death enters the human realm . In my mythology , the spirits in various realms are the equivalent to gods , though there isn 't much of a hierarchy , and they don 't interact much with humans . In this story Death personified tricks Wisdom personified into allowing him to accompany her and the soul of a little boy into the human realm . I won 't spoil exactly how the story ends . This story was hard to write partly because the main focus of most of it is the exploration and musing of a spirit cartographer named Anthes , and also because I wanted to write an origin of death story in which death isn 't humanity 's fault . I think it was hard for me to write because of what I believe in . Another reason , however , has to do with the action of a character in a previous story who created a barrier between realms that is very difficult to cross . Every week my friend and I have Story Time on Sunday nights . Several weeks ago we began watching " Once Upon A Time " on Netflix . I can 't even explain how much we both love this show . It 's such an insane , complicated , fun , magical story that takes place across multiple realms . The stakes are high . The characters have depth . The funny thing is , it 's often predictable , and often not . The writing , meaning the actual script , isn 't always totally perfect , but I can 't expect it to be , and most of the time , it 's good or great . My friend doesn 't usually have work on Mondays , and I can sleep late , so we usually stay up insanely late . We are addicts , but at least we admit it . This Monday he did have work , though , so he left early … early here meaning midnight . I wasn 't tired when I went upstairs , and my mom said she wasn 't either , so we considered watching a movie , but I could tell God wanted my attention , so I went to my room . I don 't remember everything we talked about , but after a while he told me to open the little green book . I opened to a random page and found a poem written by an anonymous author . The first stanza was this : I don 't really even know why , but this did a lot for me . I spend so much time in fantasy land , whether I 'm writing or playing a game , or what have you . Sometimes it 'll suddenly occur to me that though I love stories of every kind , and as scary , unpredictable , and chaotic as the " real world " is , and as powerless as I am , I want this world because the God that I know and love is in this world . While we were talking he said , " I redeemed you . I 'm helping you . " I needed to hear that . I know it 's not just that he 's helping me with my story , and that 's not really the only thing I was thinking about . Sometimes he interjects things into our conversation that don 't exactly make sense in context , but end up being exactly what I need to hear . I read an article about really listening to God . I 'm not sure I 've ever audibly heard his voice , but I can tell when he 's speaking to me . Sometimes it 's through song lyrics . Sometimes it 's through other people . Sometimes it 's something the priest says at church . Sometimes it 's through my own thoughts . Other times it 's more abstract . Communication doesn 't just happen through words . Most of the time we recognize it through body language or the way a song makes us feel . Sometimes God speaks through sunsets or moonlight or thunder or bird song ( or maybe my bird being weird ) . The truth is , God tends to be fairly quiet , but what he does have to say is important , and sometimes earth - shattering . It 's important to listen because he will let people ignore him . After Story Time on Sunday , I wanted to just watch a movie with my mom , but I could tell he was saying , " Please come hang out with me . I have something important to tell you . " I didn 't hear words in my head , but it was a feeling , and it was easy to put into words . It 's sometimes easy to forget that God wants people to just spend time with him . I 'm learning that sometimes that means just sitting around and talking about stuff . What does any of this have to do with fantasy stories ? I love the idea of magic . I grew up on Harry Potter . I still love to have in - depth discussions with my friends about Star Wars or Lord of the Rings . God gave me the stories that I love . After Story Time , though , I often get that now fairly familiar feeling that translates to " Katie , can we hang out for a minute ? " God gave me so many of the stories I love at his own expense . Sometimes I get so sucked in that I forget to thank the one who led me to the stories in the first place . The point is , God is ultimately the writer and creator of everything good . March 21 , 2016UncategorizedAnswers , Death , Faith , God , Human Nature , ideas , Interpretation , Jesus , Judgment , Justice , Life , Logic , Love , Morality , Philosophy , Questions , Religion , Salvation , Sin , The Afterlife , Writingflyinguineapig " Jesus saved us from our sins . " Okay … so what does that actually mean ? What is sin ? Basically , " in the beginning , " however you want to interpret that , humans were told to obey and trust God … we didn 't do that . Thus , evil entered the world and was passed down through the generations . Later , Jesus tells us that the most important thing for us to do is to love our God and to love our neighbors ( friends , family , etc , as well as our fellow humans in general ) . We 're generally pretty good at loving our chums , but peeps tend to forget about the first part . It 's more like a genetic defect than a crime we inherited the guilt from . It 's not your fault per se . It 's just a part of you . It 's really your choices and actions as a result of the inherent evil within you that matter . If morality is relative , one has to assert that nothing is good or evil . Therefore , things like murder should have no repercussions other than perhaps they would be seen as distasteful . Therefore , morality cannot be relative . If it is not relative , it has to be defined by someone or something . Only someone or something that could understand the concept of morality could define it . Therefore , someone intelligent must define it . Furthermore , absolute morality must be defined by someone who could understand how a small action in Boston could affect someone in Afghanistan . Only God can see the whole of humanity through all of time . Thus , God defines morality . This gets a little complicated . We don 't just have evil in us . We think evil things and do evil things , even if they 're small and we don 't mean to . Jesus is God in human form . He died in our place so that we would be forgiven . He taught us how to be good in the eyes of God so that we wouldn 't do evil things . We have to believe in him and follow his example because he is God , and is , therefore , the ultimate good . I think it depends from person to person . I can say that I 'm much happier knowing Jesus than I was when I didn 't know him , and faith matters in this life . What happens when you die ? I have only a very vague idea , and I can 't really say . All I know is that God judges everyone . How he does that , I don 't know . I do know that Jesus died to save everyone , and I figure we at least owe him our faith . April 11 , 2015UncategorizedAgnosticism , Animals , Atheism , Being Cool , Belief , Blogging , Christianity , Death , Deism , Faith , God , High School , hope , Life , Pets , Popularity , Preaching , Religion , Story , The Afterlife , The Internetflyinguineapig When I was in high school I was a deist . I believed in some sort of divine entity , but didn 't think he had a whole lot to do with humanity any more . There were a few reasons for this . The first was that I couldn 't understand why , if God supposedly loved humanity , he would allow so much pain and suffering . The second was that I was looking for a miracle ; I was looking for the pillar of flames , and I wasn 't seeing the smaller miracles that happen all the time . The third was that I had been taught God 's wrath without being taught God 's love , and even though I prayed occasionally , I had no idea that one could have a personal relationship with him . The fourth reason was that , put simply , I was too scared to be an atheist . In my high school , on the coolness scale , spirituality worked something like this : atheism was cool , agnosticism was weak , and religion ; particularly Christianity was boring or a joke at best , and at worst , insensitive and exclusive . The fact of the matter was , I grew up Catholic . I wanted to be a rebel , so my deism might have also been a part of that . I was too scared to be an atheist , and the picture I had in my head of what God was like was too clear for me to be an agnostic . So I was a deist , even though I didn 't have a word for it at the time . One of my close friends in middle school was an atheist , and one of my best friends now is an atheist . Honestly , I think that must take a lot of courage . The idea of dying without a God or an afterlife doesn 't scare me . In fact , death doesn 't scare me at all . If there were no afterlife , one would just go to sleep , and that would be that . If there is an afterlife , it 's just an added bonus . No , what scares me is the idea of living without a God . I know what it 's like . I 've done it , and at least in my experience , it was awful . I was lonely and scared , and I felt very small all the time . True , these feelings , in part , just come with being a teenager , but they also come , in part , just with being human . Sometimes I still do feel small and helpless , but I also know that the most powerful being in the universe is looking out for me , and it 's okay that I 'm small . I don 't have to completely fend for myself all the time . It must be sort of like how my bird thinks about me . Without me taking care of him , he probably wouldn 't last very long , but he knows I love him , and if he wants something , a lot of the time I 'll give it to him . I 'm nice to him , and we love each other . On the flip side , I don 't need him to survive , but I bought him because I wanted someone who would love me and who would be excited to see me in the morning . He is a pain in the neck , and sometimes I have to give him a time - out , but then I let him out and we make friends , and he gets to be my little co - pilot when I 'm beating my dad at video games . Quite frankly , I don 't know how I would get through the day sometimes without knowing that God is taking care of me . Does that mean that every single thing I do is going to work out perfectly ? No , of course not . This is not a perfect world . What it means is that I 'm not alone in my experiences . It means that , while I don 't have a set , definite road , I have a destination , and God knows how to get me there . That destination might be in this life or the next , but it doesn 't really matter . What matters is that I 'm living , and I 'm working , and I 'm playing , and I 'm trying to make this world a little more like what God intended for it . I get that a lot of this doesn 't make sense if you don 't believe in God in the first place . I get that , for various reasons , people are angry with God . I can 't tell you what to think , but I can tell you that it 's okay to be angry with God , and it 's okay not to understand him . Just do me a favor and talk to him . Being mad at God forever or refusing to believe forever is like being angry at , or ignoring a friend forever . Just do me a favor and talk to him . April 1 , 2015UncategorizedArgument , Beliefs , Christian Universalism , Danger , Death , Debate , Existentialism , Faith , Fear , God , Heaven , Hell , hope , Jesus , Life , Love , Peace , Philosophy , Religion , Research , Safety , Salvation , The Afterlife , Truth , Universalism , Writingflyinguineapig It took me a very long time to understand how one is supposed to love and fear God , when actually , it 's not all that complicated . There are a lot of passages in the Bible where , in the same sentence , the speaker will say one ought to fear the Lord and , oh by the way , he loves you . On the surface that sounds contradictory , but what I think it means is that God is exceptionally powerful , and his power , understandably , should be feared and respected . There are a lot of verses that instruct the reader not to be afraid of dangers in the world . We are loved by the most powerful being in the universe . 1 ) God has a plan . It 's a good plan , and God intends to redeem humanity : to make the world a better place where there will be no more suffering . For whatever reason , it 's taking a long time , but that doesn 't mean he doesn 't care . It just means that it has to take this long . 2 ) The fact of the matter is , I know close to nothing about the afterlife . I am certainly not an authority on the issue . I have come to a couple disjointed conclusions , based on research and personal experience , which are as follows : I : No one is predestined for Heaven or Hell . I should preface this by saying that my understanding of Heaven is being in the full presence of God , while Hell is complete separation . In God 's presence is love and joy and peace , while outside of it is some sort of emptiness and danger . I believe that , in this life , we are stuck somewhere in the middle . That being said , It 's a choice where we end up . II : Jesus died and rose from the dead so that all of humanity could be redeemed . God doesn 't want anyone to be left outside . Historical and linguistic evidence suggests that while some might go to Hell , it won 't be forever . When the Kingdom comes , even the worst , most immoral people who rejected God their entire lives will be returned to him . In fact , there is reason to believe that Hell is a place of reformation . This is evidenced by the development of the idea of Purgatory . III : It isn 't the duty of any Christian to condemn people . It 's our duty to teach love and salvation . For one thing , it 's more effective , and for another , it 's closer to the Truth . Salvation isn 't about booking a room in eternity . It 's about making the world a better place . Most of what Jesus told people to do was relevant to here and now . It was about taking care of the poor , making peace among enemies , and respecting people because they are worth a lot to God . It 's a way of life : not strictly an escape from death . The first was that the world was ending and no one knew how to save it except for one really annoying guy who no one wanted to talk to . That dream didn 't really go anywhere , except that I eventually ended up talking to him because I didn 't want the world to end . The problem was that I couldn 't understand what he was saying for some reason , so I just sort of had to follow him and do what I thought he was trying to tell me . My second dream was that everyone had a number over their head and depending on what they were doing , or how healthy they were , the number went up or down . I was at Canobe Lake Park with my cousins , and a girl somehow got hurt on the Corkscrew . Her number went down to zero , but she refused to die . My third dream was that there was some kind of disaster in a big storage building . A few workers got trapped in there and there was a fire . One guy got half his body burned , but he was completely calm and peaceful while he waited for help that eventually did come . I try not to read too much meaning into dreams unless I 'm absolutely sure I 'm supposed to . I 'm not sure about these ones . For some reason I have a lot of dreams about disasters or the end of the world . I wouldn 't be surprised if it 's because I watch too many movies . Anyway , I don 't think these are too important . I just want to remember them I guess , so I figured I 'd write them down . Leave a comment The attack on the magazine Charlie Hebdo in Paris really hit home for me . My family has a few friends who live in Normandy , and for a little while we were really worried about their safety . Maybe it would have been less concerning if the terrorists hadn 't seemed so well trained and professional . For a while I was sure that they were going to get away , and who knows what they would have done next . Secondly , Paris is a big , modern city in a first world country with good intelligence and security in place . How were these terrorists able to do this completely under the radar ? Apparently they had records and ( as far as I know ) were on a U . S . no - fly list . Shouldn 't they have been watched a little more closely ? Lastly , it just seems to me that France is so close to home : just across the pond , as it were . I know where France is . I can easily find it on a world map . I know things about their culture and history . My brother has been there , and we 're planning on going there as a family in June . Therefore , it 's more meaningful to me when something like this happens there . When something really terrible happens in Iraq or Syria , it does trouble me . People get hurt ; people needlessly suffer ; Christians are persecuted and killed , and that really is a personal issue for me . However , I don 't know much about Iraq or Syria . I don 't know their culture or history , and I probably couldn 't find them on a map . They seem far away , and the danger and the impact seem less immediate . I was amazed to hear that several million people marched together in Paris in solidarity with the victims of the attack . World leaders put aside their differences for a little while to show their support for France and for freedom . " Je Suis Charlie " ( I am Charlie ) became a common theme . Charlie Habdo stood for freedom of speech . They published satire that in many cases was downright offensive , and they did it intentionally and to everyone . Honestly , I haven 't read their material , partly because it would take me forever ( I can barely read French ) , but I know they have said and portrayed some nasty things about Jesus , and I know that if I did read it , it would probably make me angry . It bothers me when people use my God as a punchline . However , what Charlie Habdo does is different . They do it to everyone , and they don 't do it out of spite ( at least it doesn 't seem that way ) . While some , or much of what they do might be tasteless , I think the point that they are trying to make is that no one is perfect , no religion is perfect , and we all can and should take a step back and laugh at ourselves from time to time . That being said , I personally feel that intentionally offending anyone is wrong on a fundamental level . I also think that publishing offensive cartoons of Muhammad , in particular , was asking for trouble . I don 't know much about Islam . However , I do know that it tends to lead some people to violence . This is a well - known fact , and they should have taken this into account . The thought process seems to have been : let 's do this and see what trouble we can stir up . Most of the time this is just obnoxious , occasionally funny , and harmless . However , it seems that just because you have the freedom to do something doesn 't mean you should . There are certain people who just aren 't worth pissing off . On a side note , my friend brought up a good point the other day : asking moderate Muslims to take responsibility for this kind of terrorism is kind of like asking me to take responsibility for the Crusades , or for people like the Westboro Baptists : something I refuse to do . I want nothing to do with these kinds of people , and it shames me that , because I am called Christian , someone who doesn 't know me might assume that I am like them . In my mind they are not Christian , and in theirs I probably am not . The same kind of thinking must apply to Muslims ( I assume ) . However , no one is saying anything . Granted , this happens in the Church sometimes as well : that a priest does something morally wrong and no one says anything or everyone tries to keep it a secret . However , what these terrorists did is not a secret , and no one has said anything . I would assume that doing this kind of thing under an Islamic flag must make people angry , but no one has said that this is not Islam . It paints a very bad picture of Muslims , but no one has said " This is not us . " Ultimately , it comes down to this : two wrongs don 't make a right . Violence is never the answer . Ever . End of story . Charlie Habdo is offensive and blasphemous , and I support their right to be so . I support everyone 's right to be so . I would prefer that no one was , but I would never hurt someone over it . I just don 't watch or read things that I know will offend me . I can ask people not to say blasphemous things around me , but I can 't monitor what they say and think 24 / 7 , and I don 't want to . There are peaceful ways of denouncing or protesting blasphemy . One can write about and against it . One can get a group of people together to peacefully and visually protest it . One can create art that glorifies love , glorifies peace , and most importantly , glorifies God . One can teach . What we have to remember is that people died in this attack . people who we may disagree with on a fundamental level lost their lives . They should be mourned ; they should be remembered ; they should be prayed for . On some spiritual level , yeah , they might be " the enemy , " and , like us , they are children of God . February 14 , 2014UncategorizedChange , Death , Dedication , Dreams , Faith , Family , Funeral , God , Grandparents , hope , Life , Love , Memory , Photograph , Poetry , Remembering , Thinking , Waiting , Weird , Weirdness , Writingflyinguineapig Harris Curtis was my grandfather . He passed away in November , and I still think about him . Anyway , I was thinking earlier today about how weird it is that Grammie - and - Papa has been just Grammie for several months now , so I wrote a poem about it . |
He was having that dream again , strapped to the table , bright white light flooding the room . There were others , similarly strapped to tables to his right , there was nothing to his left except bright whiteness . There wasn 't any source for the light , it just seemed to explode out of every surface . The masked man in the white lab coat was suddenly hovering over him , needle in hand , which he plunged into his leg . As normal he woke up screaming . He opened his eyes , and the bright light flooded in , strapped to the table . The scream was for real this time . He 'd been slavishly working on his first book for months now . Every spare moment he got out of work , he was tapping away on his laptop . The story he had ended up with was a long way from the one he had set out to produce , but the ending to the story was impossibly hard to write . He put the laptop down on the banister to close the door behind him , and then turned and watched in horror as he knocked it off and saw it bounce down the stairs . Definitely not the ending he was looking for at all . That positronic cannon blast had been too close for comfort . He knew he could smell singed metal as he breathed . He 'd no idea what the LEO cruiser had fired upon him for . As far as he knew he 'd broken no laws , and there were no intergalactic warrants out against him . His ship dropped like a stone after being fired upon and landed hard , almost wedged between two buildings . He scrambled out the back of his craft and saw the problem . Someone had scrawled the treasonous words ' Kill the Emperor ' across the tail . The LEO cruiser didn 't miss a second time . She 'd sat still for too long . She tried to pick her arms off the desk only to find they wouldn 't move . It wasn 't just a case of her skin sticking to the wood , her arms were actually embedded and intertwined with the desk . She tried wrenching her arms away by standing up , only to find she couldn 't stand either . Her thighs and buttocks had become one with the seat , and her skirt appeared to be sewn into the fabric of the office chair . She looked around for help , but everyone else was the same . The office had assimilated them all . He had woken up that morning and could see something out of the corner of his eye . When he tried to concentrate on what it was , it seemed to move out of focus and slip away from him . It seemed like it was the legs of a spider , slowing moving its legs around , and it felt itchy as hell . He had rubbed his eyes , but it seemed to have split the vision up and there was now more in the corner of his eye . He looked in the mirror and saw the problem . There WAS a spider in his eye . She stopped tapping her keyboard , and moved her head to her right , looking out of the window for what seemed the first time in ages . Actually properly looked . The bright green foliage on the trees outside the window couldn 't have appeared overnight , but she was sure the last time she had looked out of the window , the trees had all been bare , and she could see the houses that lay beyond . She smiled as the sun flickered over the leaves as they swayed gently in the breeze . Then BANG ! ! The seagull imprint was left on the outside of the window . He was under pressure . There was a great deal of people depending on his leadership , and yet here he sat in this small cottage , in effect hiding . So much was going through his mind about what he had to do , how he could organise his people , and what he needed to win the day . Yet there was something nagging at him , something that he had to do here and now . An immediate concern for him to see to , yet he couldn 't remember what . A funny smell was distracting him , and a woman 's voice yelled . " Alfred , you 're burning the cakes again ! " Come to the beach , they said . It will be fun , they said . You 'll have a great time , they said . She shouldn 't have listened , shouldn 't have been so easily led . She knew she hated the beach . She tried to avoid the sun by staying inside or in the shade , but there was no shade on the beach . She was hot and uncomfortable . Sand was everywhere . In - between her toes , on her clothes , in her hair and , worst of all , in her food . She hated the sand . She needed a shower , longed for one . And then , to her delight only , the rain started . The scratching at the door was a constant echo in the back of her mind . Was she still dreaming , or was she awake and there was something at the door to bedroom ? She opened her eyes and the scratching noise continued . It was annoying her now . She got out of bed and went to the door where the sound was coming from , and opened it . There was nothing there . The noise stopped , and she closed the door and went back to bed . She closed her eyes and the scratching started again . This time it was in the bed with her . The sun had set beyond the horizon , and was lighting up the sky in the most wonderful way . Deep terracotta orange at the base , lightening to yellow before transitioning into a cavalcade of blue , with white tips on the few wispy clouds that gently floated in the sky . The rooftops that could be seen out of the window blended in with the bare tree branches in a silhouette of black , lining the sky 's kaleidoscope of colours . I was transfixed by the view as it slowly changed . Then someone turned the lights on and all I could see was my reflection . I asked the driver , " Half into town please . " The driver looked suspiciously at me , and asked me , " How old are you ? " " Eight " , I replied honestly . The driver 's eyes narrowed , and the tone of his voice changed . " Are you having a laugh ? There is no way you 're only eight years old , you 've got a beard and are over six foot tall . " It was a line I 'd heard many times before . Wearily I got my passport out and showed him my date of birth . " It says 1984 on this . " " Yes but the February 29th only happens every four years - I am eight ! " She was a woman possessed . It had taken over her mind , body and soul completely , and now controlled everything . She was totally at its mercy . There was no mercy tonight , on and on it went , never ceasing , forcing her on , keeping her moving constantly , seemingly oblivious to the throngs of people around her . They looked at her , they knew she wasn 't in control . Some of them made a show of keeping away , some of them nodded , as if aware of what was going on , and feeling empathy towards her . Then it stopped . The club was closing . No more music tonight . " Star Wars marathon " were the only words he actually heard before replying , " yes , I 'd be up for that . " He ignored the questioning look , and continued on , " when do you want to do it then ? Would Saturday be good for you ? " " Erm , OK " " Great , would 10 be alright with you ? " " Suppose so . " The rest of the week dragged and then it was Saturday , 10am on the dot , he rang the bell . He was let in and shown into the living room . There in an airtight box was a Marathon bar with Star Wars promotional wrapping from 1977 . " They 're called Snickers now . " He had stopped reading , turned his kindle off , turned the light off , and tried to go to sleep . His mind wouldn 't stop . He was having ideas for what to write for his next drabble . There were lots of strands , ideas about writing on subjects he knew about and was interested in . Then he had a story flash into his mind and he counted the words in his head . He had about ninety , which was great he could work with that . He 'd write it down when he got up in the morning . The morning came . If only he could 've remembered it ! Gazing out of the window , watching the trains go by . Now that autumn had arrived and stripped the trees of their leaves , the trains were easier to see . He counted the number of trains and mentally noted both their direction of travel and the number of coaches on each one . A pattern was built of four , five , eight , ten and twelve coach trains passing by . The fly in the ointment , a goods train , thirty - three random sized cars behind two engines . Then his thoughts of trains went , as his train of thought was broken by his boss shouting , " Do some work ! " The last e - mail had pushed him over the edge . He picked up his keyboard and used it like a baseball bat , swinging at anything and everything in range , screens , phones , people , nothing was safe . A few keys fell out , and he picked them up and started eating them . He then ran as fast as he could and flung himself at the window . He bounced back . He tried another three times with the same result , but finally managed to break through the glass and fall on the fifth attempt . The suicide attempt failed , he forgot he worked on the ground floor . " DIY Made Easy " was the title of the book . Someone who obviously didn 't know him well had given it to him in secret Santa . DIM would be more appropriate - destroy it myself - was the outcome of any home improvements . Clumsy was an understatement . The bookcase had a missing shelf , where he 'd stood on it whilst unpacking it from the flat - pack . The chair was missing an arm from resting laminate flooring on it to cut to size . Cut through the arm perfectly , but the floor panel was wonky . Perhaps the sender did know him , and was actually plotting to kill him ! He had drink number three in front of him , this was the tipping point , between getting home today and being able to participate in the family get together tomorrow , or stumbling around at 4am , with remnants of kebab all over his clothes , wondering if he was going to make it home . It would take him less than five minutes to finish off the pint and then it was decision time . The time ticked by , another drink or home . Home , or another drink . He thought about the family get together again , and realised the right thing to do . Same again please . He 'd been in the woods for what seemed like hours , but he couldn 't really be sure how long he 'd actually been here . The trees were laughing at him . He was sure of it . There had been a path , but that had disappeared . He was sure the trees had hidden the path on purpose . They seemed to be moving , shifting , changing positions , although he knew that wasn 't possible . Then he was in a semi - circle of tightly packed trees with no way through . He turned to go back and found the same behind him . They 'd caught him , and they had his axe . He had seen them win once . He was sure of it . It had been a long time ago , and now all these defeats were blurring into one . They had changed the coach , changed stadiums , and changed the players - changed soooo many players , but failed to change owners . What hadn 't changed was their innate ability to lose games . Yet still the fans watched , they held their breath with hope and expectation , that this would be the week when finally a win would come . They would be disappointed again , another failure , spirits sinking again . What did they expect , they were 49ers fans . " Just one more thing . " Yet again , just like Columbo , pecking away with the seemingly never ending stream of questions . It felt like trying to slay the Hydra , every time a question was answered , two more popped back up in its place . The constant questions made him feel guilty of committing a crime , something which he knew he hadn 't done . So far ! There may well be a murder soon if the barrage continued . Then at the point he felt like he was going to flip , it suddenly stopped . The questions ceased , and he got out of the car . Congratulations , you passed . A single leaf had started to change colour from green to yellow , was it really that time of year already ? The days passed quickly , and more colours came , reds and yellows , oranges and browns , then one by one the leaves came tumbling down . A small front garden was fully in bloom , with hardy perennials ' bright colours fighting off the gloom . The wind came along and moved all the fallen leaves , and now the front garden can hardly be seen . Dead leaves causing death as they smother the flowers , blocking out the sun , and soaking up all the water from showers . It started with an ant . Not a giant or an elephant , but a tiny ant , scurrying across the kitchen floor , dragging a leaf . The cat and the dog spotted the leaf moving , but not the ant pulling it . They both dived for the leaf at the same time and became entangled . The entanglement led to a fight , and all hell broke loose . They knocked the oven over , and the gas pipe ruptured . The owner came and switched the light on to see what was happening . Boom ! An ant scurried away from the burnt out shell pulling a leaf behind it . Start ! In the city , ghosts in the crowd , disguises the great depression , the dreams of children . Pity poor Alfie , going underground , down in the tube station at midnight . London girl , Liza Radley , I need you precious . Takin ' my love , a solid bond in your heart , happy together in the midnight hour . Little boy soldiers - David Watts , Smithers Jones , thick as thieves , set the house ablaze . The Eton rifles ' private hell . A bomb in Wardour Street , Carnaby Street , in the street today , the planner 's dream goes wrong . Slow down ! Time for truth , just who is the five o ' clock hero ? Billy Hunt . He woke up due to the sun shining in his eyes . It was still low on the horizon , and it was at just the right angle to shine on him in the gap between two trees . He wondered why he was in such a position to see the rising sun , before remembering that he had agreed to a weekend in the great outdoors , camping with friends . He was in a sleeping bag , next to his rucksack , and the tents of his friends were scattered around the campsite . He knew why he could see the sun . Someone had stolen his tent ! Late again . Stuck on the train . Every day suffering this pain . Struggling into work for very little gain . If it carried on , he would have to refrain . He would walk instead , even in the rain . Better than looking through the train 's window pane . With random thoughts running through his brain . Being late every day was driving him insane . On his life , this journey was a bane . If the train was Abel , he would be Cain . When he flipped , they wouldn 't be able to restrain . As his self - control was on the wane . A holiday was needed , time to catch a plane . With bananas for hands , and mushrooms for feet . A cauliflower for a brain in a head made of beet . Artichoke as a heart , and lungs that were pears . Arms of celery reached for the spaghetti styled hair . Carrot for a nose and Brussel sprouts for eyes looked at turnips for knees and leek made thighs . Sweet potato filled torso half stuffed with rice , peanuts for teeth surrounded a tongue made of ice . Marrows for calves and a pumpkin behind . Rosemary and sage instead of a mind . What once was a man had completely changed , into a vegetarian 's pantry well rearranged . A small conundrum for you to think on . Can you find what is unusual within this story ? Long and short , high and low , as this short story grows , so will your hints . What is missing , you cry , how did you do it , and why ? A common thing all day , all night , is now hiding out of sight . A book is full of this common digit . But you can 't find it ! A paragraph with zilch is hard to find , it 's always shouting in your mind . And so this story is at a finish , don 't look too hard for what will diminish . Sitting there waiting for the interview to start . Fully suited and booted and prepared as could be . Questions all rehearsed in my head . Researched the company , even thought of some questions that he could ask them . The previous candidate filed out of the room , their face was a mask , impossible to read . Not a hint of whether they thought they had succeeded . The telephone rang on the receptionist 's desk , and I was told to make my way in . I took my seat and my heart sank . No job here today , both my ex - wives were the interview panel , smiling like sharks . Her birthday again , another year older . No one to share it with this year . Her parents dead , no children to nourish , no partner around . A day to celebrate , you must be joking . Just another day to survive in the rat race . No cards , just bills coming through the door . Four hundred Facebook friends that don 't say a word . She goes to work and sits in a cube alone . At the end of the day she gets the bus home . She opens the door wanting to die , and Billy jumps on her , so happy to see her . Thank God for dogs . He opened his eyes , but there was nothing to see , he couldn 't tell whether he even had eyes . He couldn 't hear a sound , to break the silence he screamed , but no sound came out . He had no voice , or ears to hear . He tried to breathe , but there was no air . He wondered if his nose and mouth were there . He reached out to touch his surroundings , but he had no arms . He went to move but he had no legs . He thought he had died , but he felt he was alive . Consciousness trapped forever in a piece of rock . |
My brother - in - law , Brent was here for about 5 days and we really enjoyed his visit . While he was here I heard that story about soda , and realized that we needed to do something to get it out of our diet . Brent likes the green tea - the Lipton stuff that you get in the bottles - citrus flavor . I like it too - but can you believe I never thought about trying to make it myself ? We went to Dollar G and picked up a box of green tea bags - and I told him I would try to make some . Here is what I came up with - that Brent and I both think tastes better than what you can buy in the bottle . Brent 's Green Tea Fill 2 quart pot about 1 ½ - 2 inches from the top with cold water Bring water just to the boiling point Remove pot from heat , and add 6 regular sized green tea bags Allow to steep for 15 + minutes Pour warm tea into a 2 quart pitcher Add ¾ cup of sugar + ¼ cup lemon juice Stir until all sugar is dissolved Allow tea to cool in refrigerator and serve over ice My daughter Kendra loves chai tea . She is drinking it even in the 90 ⁰ weather . I thought I would try to make her cold chai tea - like they serve in coffee houses . Her favorite is one she gets at a little place in WV called The Daily Grind where one of her best friends works called a Chai Smoothie - but I think this iced chai drink is a nice alternative for an every day drink . Kendra 's Cold Chai Tea Fill 2 quart pot about 3 inches from the top with cold water Bring water just to the boiling point Remove pot from heat , and add 6 regular sized chai tea bags Allow to steep for 15 + minutes Pour warm tea into a 2 quart pitcher Add ¾ - 1 cup of sugar ( in India chai is served quite sweet ! ) Stir until all sugar is dissolved Add 1 cup of whole or canned milk Allow tea to cool in refrigerator and serve over ice A couple of months ago , I entered as a contender at Top Momma . Basically you put up a zany photo ( one that will attract the most attention ) and people click to check out your blog . Whoever gets the most clicks wins . I was just entered as a new contender about 2 hours ago . If you are interested in helping me keep my spot there , please go on over and click on the picture of my friend Tina and me in a windstorm ( see sidebar to the left ) ! Thanks for your clicks in advance ! I am going to give away the one part of me that is definitely , without a doubt , and unashamedly southern to the core ! I LOVE southern cooking - sweet tea , cornbread , fried chicken ! I think I am packing on the calories just thinking about it . One of the first things that I was loving when we first got to TX last May ( yep our one year anniversary on the 29th - but that is another post ! ) was the abundance of fresh produce available at the local farmer 's market - as well as in the gardens of all of Travis ' family - everytime you visited somebody you were taking home an armful of something - even if you had never seen it before and didn 't know how to cook it ! One of my favorites things to make was Fried Green Tomatoes ! They are sooo soo good ! ( I have also always loved the movie by the same name ! ) Anyhoo - I thought I would share my favorite recipe for them which is from the Fanny Flagg 's Whistle Stop Cafe Cookbook . Be careful though - if you get too addicted , you may never let any tomatoes get red - and they are so good too ! ¾ c self - rising flour ¼ c cornmeal ¼ tsp salt ¼ tsp pepper ¾ c milk 3 - 4 green tomatoes , cut into ¼ inch slices Vegetable oil Combine first 5 ingredients ; mix until smooth . Add additional milk to thin if necessary ( I say - don 't do this ! Keep the batter thick ! ) Batter should resemble pancake batter . Working in batches , dip tomato slices into batter , allowing excess batter to drip back into bowl . Fry in 2 inches hot oil . ( 375 ⁰ F ) in a large , heavy skillet until browned , turning once carefully with tongs . Transfer to a colander to drain . I used a fork , and I laid mine on a paper towel as with most fried foods . They are tangy - and not everybody likes them . If you try them and enjoy them let me know ! Oh yeah , and they are super dipped in Ranch dressing ! The kittens are SIX WEEKS old today ! This morning a FedEx truck stopped out in front of our house , and the lady asked what we were doing with our kittens . Evidently she had stopped once before and asked Kullen about them ( big mistake ) and he said we were keeping them all . Anyway , she had her eye on my calico - but I had to sadly inform her that she was the one that we were not getting rid of , but she took a liking to this little white one . We realized when she left that we had never named her - and so we decided we would call here Edelweiss - Edie for short ! ( that really means that I decided ! ) It is sad to watch them go - but we really can 't keep six cats ! I know she will be loved - the lady has a 10 year old son and a 7 year old daughter . Edie is sure to get lots of TLC . I have been trying to get our family off of soda - desperately so since we came back from WV . It seems that any time we travel , we drink a crazy amount of the fizzy stuff . I hadn 't bought any soda at all in the last week or so - and then yesterday I wanted a Diet Pepsi so bad I couldn 't stand it anymore . I ran to the store and brought a few bottles of the stuff into the house . Then today my friend Carol told me about this story ! Unbelievable . I have GOT to get us off of this junk ! I am giving my kids poison ! Our household is a bit chaotic . There is always something going on . The door is opening and closing - somebody is going in or out . The dog is going from room to room to see who he can annoy until somebody gives him the boot . The cat and kittens are meowing . Phones are ringing or text message alerts are going off . The television or game cube are on ( sometimes ) . You can hear the clicking of computer keys , the laughter of children , music , the washer , the dryer , the buzzer , knocks on the door , feet walking across the hard - wood floors , the kitchen timer , etc . etc . etc . There really is never a dull moment around here . This weekend was rather low - key - but any combination of a number of these things was going on at any given time . My brother - in - law lives alone . He has remarked " wow " more than once at the amount of activity that goes on . He thinks me some kind of writer . I love to write - but I never truly have two brain cells to put on any given project . Recently I was asked to write a chapter for a compilation book on unschooling . I would like to do it - I am going to give it a try - but I need to find a place where I can get in the zone . Can anybody relate ? Does life as a mom sometimes suck all the personal creative energy out of you ? I used to be a person - back some years ago before being a mom - and lately I am swallowed up in them . I do not resent it - but I am ready to do something creative . Brent ( the BIL ) has a drafting table that we are going to put in Kaitlyn 's bedroom because he doesn 't have anywhere to put it - and she will enjoy it for drawing . We are going to move her desk to a corner of my bedroom - and hope that this gives me a quiet place to write my little heart out . I am sure I will sneak some blogging in too every now and then , when I have nothing else to do ! Bwaaaahahaha ! I am so sorry - with the holiday weekend - I completely forgot about Scrap Happy . One of my commenters reminded me about it - but alas it was too late when I received the comment . Stay tuned - we will be back after this slightly unscheduled break ! I WILL get things back to a regular basis - and you will NOT have to always remind me ! I am so sorry people - I am usually on top of things - but lately - ugh ! My " computer doctor " ( a / k / a fantabulous hubby ! ) is at work as I type this ! My brother - in - law has been visiting since Friday , and there is no limit to intriguing conversations . It has drained the little piece of my brain that I save for blogging . However , I was thinking this morning about my friend Renee 's post about how she was trying to relax her housekeeping and let the home be more relaxed on this long holiday weekend . I am not good at the " relaxing " thing . In fact this morning I knew I was being intrusive to my husband and his brother as they were sitting at the computer looking at something together , but the carpet had gotten so cruddy that I couldn 't stand it one second longer and I had to vacuum it , right then ! I make my children make their beds every day , I hate a sink full of dishes , and I can 't stand for the bathroom sink to be covered with " stuff " . Clutter on horizontal surfaces like the counter or table bugs me , and I have to sweep the floors in the house at least every other day or they drive me nutty with stuff sticking to my feet . However , I do not make anyone take their shoes off at my house , people may put their feet up if they like , and I try in most other ways to keep life easygoing around here . I grew up in a house that was like a museum - there were no signs that people actually lived in most of the house . I tend toward that but fight it with all that is in me . I know that if children are worried about making a mess that it stifles creativity . But , I also know for me that the clutter is distracting . I am trying to strike a happy medium . In light of this post - take a minute to take the poll on my sidebar to the right . It will be interesting to see how others respond to this question . Ta da ! It 's over . Our co - op is done for the year . We ended it with a bang - a nice co - op celebration - the kids did some specials - for one , a sign language song to music that I got to work with them on . I have always loved that . There were piano solos and duets , a beautiful guitar duet , and two speeches from members of the public speaking class - one being none other than my daughter , Kendra . She spoke on " real beauty " - if you remember I linked to her blog about it here the other day . It was great - everyone remarked about what an accomplished and talented speaker she is . I was also asked to speak and addressed the group about homeschooling . I love public speaking - I always have , especially about things I believe in . We are home now - bearing reward certificates , and a little sugared up from the goodies we ate afterwards . It is good to belong to something , as it makes it feel a little more and more like home all the time . I have gained weight through the winter and it shows . It doesn 't help that I made a monster sized batch of cookies to take to the co - op thingy today - and ate my fair share of what was left for the family . Blech . Now I feel sick . Anyway - this may be why none of my clothes are fitting right , ya think ? I actually did very well while we traveled - and didn 't overdo it . We also stopped at places like Cracker Barrel and ate instead of fast food . A good portion of their menu is smothered in gravy - but I tried to eat lighter things like a chicken breast sandwich on toast , and vegetables ! I have got to get my butt in gear - before I have too much butt to get in gear - and do something about this . And speaking of wardrobe , I found this post on a friend 's blog about a cool way to spruce up t - shirts . I think even I could do this one . In case I never mentioned it before , I hate crafts . I break out into hives . But these shirts I think even I could make . Hope you 're having a great weekend ! I confess . . . . . I am addicted to journals . There is nothing that gets me pumped up like an office supply store - the paper , the pens , the folders , the sticky notes , the blank pages screaming of possibilities . And having a new journal is like the crack cocaine of my habit . The fresh , clean pages just waiting to get started . I do have one small issue - I have about 20 journals that are about 1 / 4th of the way full . I get bored , or discouraged at my inconsistency . When I am in this funk , I will wander into a book store and suddenly I see them from across the crowded room - they are calling to me . The smell of the pages is intoxicating . The thoughts of the great things I could write if only I had this journal consume me . Ta heck with great literature , I 'm gettin ' me a book with nuthin ' in it ! Before I know it , cha ching ! I own a new journal . Geesh - what is up with that ? The honest truth is that my thoughts come so quickly that a handwritten journal is not very practical . I have tried to keep one using Word but haven 't been consistent with that - eventually craving the handwritten touch and tactile sensation of writing in a journal . I 'm sick . Sick I tell you ! Last summer , a month before my father - in - law passed away , one of his great - grandchildren went to be with the Lord . My niece Adrianne went into labor unexpectedly at only 23 weeks into her pregnancy . While her baby , Ashton lived a short while , he was soon in the arms of the Lord . Adrianne is pregnant again , 22 weeks now . Yesterday she started bleeding and we knew that something was amiss . It appears that she may have an incompetent cervix - which means that when the baby 's reaches a certain weight the cervix starts to dilate from the pressure . We are really praying that this is the answer and that she can deliver this baby - healthy and happy - at full term . If you would , say a prayer for she and her husband Michael , as well as my SIL , Vonda and MIL , Myrtice who are beside themselves with worry . UPDATE - It appears that Adrianne 's regular doctor - a specialist in high - risk pregnancies doesn 't think that the stitches in her cervix are a good idea . They are ideally done at 14 weeks - and at this stage could cause her to go into labor . So , she is on strict bed - rest . I 've been there myself , and I don 't envy her . But as of now , everything is fairly stabilized . Keep praying . What 's up with THAT ending ? There is a neat cluster of posts linked at Rocks in My Dryer . If you haven 't seen the finale yet , this post may be a spoiler . My family and I just started watching LOST a couple of months ago based on a recommendation by my friend Karen . We generally don 't watch television , but for some reason this show hooked us ! Travis came home last night , we had a quick dinner of BLT 's and watched the last two episodes of LOST so that we would be ready for the finale . We were all so bummed . To kill two birds with one stone , here are my 13 thoughts about LOST ! Nobody in my family understands why Charlie had to die . Although he shut the door to the room he was in to prevent the entire place from flooding , and to save Desmond , Desmond still had to go out the way he came in . Why didn 't Charlie just go out the door and swim out together ? Is it possible the door only shuts tight from the inside ? Still the question remains , why not just dive in and go out the way they came ? We were all really irritated that it seemed Charlie just submitted to his death without trying to survive . Obviously Ben was right about the " ship " that was off shore that they were contacting with the satellite phone . There was something amiss . However , it would appear from the ( as Karen called it ) " flash forward " that they were indeed rescued . What did Ben know about what would happen ? What did Locke know ? Why did he kill Naomi - the girl that parachuted in with the phone ? There was a lot of gruesome killing on these last few episodes . Very cold blooded . It provided some good opportunities to talk about revenge . The best lesson was about Sawyer - that even though he finally killed the man he held responsible for all of his pain , he wasn 't any less miserable . Who is on the good side ? Who is on the bad side ? Is Locke evil now that he seems to have joined the " others " ? Can we trust Juliet now that she has confided in them , and betrayed Ben ? Why did Jack kiss Juliet with an obvious gesture beyond friendship , and then say he loved Kate ? I almostMusings of I am sorry for that last post - it was a bit melancholy and sentimental . It is hard to know what brings memories like that on . Miss Sunshine is sure to be back in the morning ! He had huge blue eyes and shaggy dark hair that grew very fast . I know this because the mohawk that he had at the end of 8th grade was gone by the beginning of our 9th grade year . He was my first boyfriend . He liked Motley Crue and squirrel hunting . He had spent most of the 14 years of his life before he walked into mine surviving an abusive father and a permissive mother . Although his parents were divorced , they were very connected until the day his father put a shotgun to his stomach and pulled the trigger . Billy was always sad after that . You would have thought he had been liberated , set free from the evil dictator , but it had quite the opposite effect . The last conversation I had with his dad as we sat alone in the car while Billy and his mom went into the store still haunts me - he asked me to take care of his son . With the pure heart , full of love and romantic notions of being with my 14 year old man - boy forever , I said that I would . I didn 't . Billy got very involved with drugs . Instead of overcoming the abuser that had shaped his young life , he became him . Our lives went different ways . I saw him years later and confirmed that we had indeed gone in opposite directions - he was still a 14 year old boy in every way , and I was growing , changing , moving on . When I was 23 , married and pregnant with my second child , sitting on the back porch of my cousin 's house she announced , " Did you know that Billy Breeden died ? " casually handing me a glass of lemonade , as if we were discussing the weather . I completely lost it . I stood straight up and screamed . It wasn 't that I still loved him - but I had given an irretrievable piece of my heart to him , never to be recovered . I wish that I had known about Jesus , I know He could have saved Billy from himself . It makes me sad even today to think of how young he died , but more to think that he never really lived . Today was one of those days that he passed through my thoughts . Young love never reached the depths that I know love with my husband , but it forever changed me . I am nMusings of Mosquitoes that is . I woke this morning to a ton of mosquito bites , only one of which I knew about last night before I went to bed . There aren 't any inside the house - and my outside time yesterday consisted of a 30 foot walk to the car and back . I don 't know how they did it - they must 've bit me through my clothes . I even have them on my back , and the more I think about them the itchier they get ! Ugh . I have always been the one person in a crowd to draw all the mosquitoes to myself . I remember last fall when we moved in here that for a couple of weeks if I went outside at all I came back in having been " eaten up " as my grandmother would say . I did however read online that garlic is a natural mosquito repellent - not to mention the other bloodsuckers , vampires that I could hold at arm 's length ! I have a little confession to make . Four of the five members of our family are what you might call - um , just a wee bit , intense . Kaitlyn , our only laid back family member gets the shaft sometimes . I feel bad for her living with all of us hot - blooded , intensive types . We think deeply , and have many in depth discussions at the dinner table , some of us half - standing . This evening , I was reading Kendra 's blog a little while ago and came across this post about Beauty . The kid used the word " boobs " and I cracked up . Her points are valid , and her thoughts are birthed out of the many conversations we have had in this household . Kaitlyn thinks deeply about the same kinds of things - but she is much more subtle in her approach . She may come out and say something right in the middle of the intensity that just sums it all up something along these lines : ( insert psychedelic hippie voice here ) " Like why would you let someone else define you . " Anyway - jump on over there and read the intense kid 's blog ! Watching television has always been an issue for me . Much of what is on television is not worth watching . I can find myself sucked into hours and hours of nothingness , I benefit nothing , I get nothing back and hours of my life that could be so much more wisely invested are gone forever . Even if it wasn 't a moral issue - which much of the time it is - it is a waste of time and most television is just stupid . Netflix has allowed us to selectively bring into our home the level of stupidity and waste of time that we are comfortable with . With this in mind you will see why I find it humorous that while I was gone my husband decided to purchase and install a motorized television antenna . One of the things he was happy about was that we could watch the news . Unlike regular television , the news keeps us informed . But , it makes . me . want . to . crawl . into . my . closet . and . stay . there . forever ! This morning my husband woke me up to tell me that he saw our daughter 's myspace picture on national television . After talking him down off the ceiling , we decided that it probably wasn 't her due to the fact that her myspace is set to " private " , and even if it was , why were we freaking about it ? He left the boob tube on when he left for work , and I woke to a report that there was a murder in a town just south of us , a girl died when she was hit by a car , and that this hurricane season threatens to be one of the worst in US history . Joy . Back to bed , covers over my head , goodbye . I think that it is one thing to be informed and have a realistic idea of what is happening out there . I was sad that I didn 't know that there were 3 soldiers captured in Iraq , but then I wonder how knowing that would have helped other than if I pray for them . Sadly also that is not my original response - the knee - jerk reaction is to tense every muscle in my body and reach for Pepcid AC . It causes stress , and it is meant to evoke emotion in the listener . Listen to the intensity of voices , the urgency of the music . It is trying to freak us out . Why ? Because then what we Musings of This is absolutely hilarious . I saw this on the blog of another famous Julie at Homeschoolblogger . It is a list of some answers to have ready when you are met with that pesky question about homeschooling , " What , no school today ? " Personally I can 't wait to try out # 7 and # 8 . 10 . Well normally yes , but this time of year I need help with the planting and plowing . 9 . Goodness , no ! ! ! I graduated 18 years ago , but thanks for the compliment ! 8 . No , we homeschool . We 're just out to pick up a bag of pork rinds and some Mountain Dew , then we gotta hurry home to catch our soaps . 7 . What ? ! Where did you guys come from ? ! I thought I told you to stay at school ! I 'm sorry . This happens all the time . ( sigh ) 6 . There isn 't ? Why , you 'd think we 'd see more kids out then , don 't you ? 5 . We 're on a field trip studying human nature 's intrusive and assumptive tactics of displaying ignorance and implied superiority . Thanks for the peek ! 4 . On our planet we have different methods of education . ( Shhh ! No , I didn 't give it away . . . keep your antennae down ! ) 3 . Oh my goodness ! I thought that today was Saturday . . . come on kids , hurry ! 2 . Noooooope . Me ' n Bubba jes ' learns ' em at home . Werks reel good ! And the number one answer we should NEVER give to the question : " What ? No school today ? " 1 . " What ? No Bingo today ? " ~ Author Unknown ( Let me know if you know who wrote this ! ) I saw this unique post at my friend fatty 's blog - and I had to participate . Life has indeed been stressful these past few weeks - wonderful and stressful at the same time . It is so good to be home - the place where you can let your hair down , and your - well you know what you let down when you take your bra off , and put your feet up , and where you don 't have to always pick your socks up - but sometimes you get to pick up the socks of other people - and I don 't think I am feeling so de - stressed anymore - well maybe di - stressed is exactly what I 'm feeling . Anyway - fatty inspired me to post about the things that make me feel most relaxed , guaranteed smile makers , my " chicken soup " if you will . listening to Norah Jonesthe smell of baking breadsitting on the porch swing with nothing else to dothe sound of chirping birdsa long soaking rain when I don 't have to leave the houselit candles - preferably the jar kind smelling like cake or candy - no flowers please ! an email from a friend about nothing in particulariced coffee ( a new pleasure ) hearing my children 's side - splitting laughter - altogethera phone call from my hubby in the middle of the day with no specific purposeold stuff - rusty , junk , chipped , peeling , splintery stuff used to decorate my housemaking new friends - getting to know a new person one layer at a time , and knowing now what I enjoy in people better than everThese are only a few - but they are the ones that I am most enjoying right now . What puts a smile on your face ? Okay - I 've really blown it the last two Mondays with this meme . In fact , nobody posted their pages here last week at all ! Ugh . Last week we were busy traveling , and this week my computer has completely crashed - so no scrappin ' for me ! I can 't even access an old page to post . What I am going to do is put the linky up for anyone who is interested in posting . I am going to have a drawing and give away a $ 15 gift certificate to the Digital Scrapbook store of your choice - all you have to do is post a page this week and next week - AND both weeks point people to the meme from your own humble little blog - dwelling ! I will announce the winner on Friday - June 1st ! Come on , let 's get this thing going ! I know it will be so fun - if only your hostess - with - the - mostess can remember to put the dang meme up each week ! I 'm so sorry - now get back to scrappin ' and bloggin ' people ! I knew we weren 't going to go visiting new churches today . The " down " weekend has been great . It has been so good to be home , and in case I have never said it before I . . . love . . . . my . . . . house . It makes me truly happy to be back in Texas , second only to Travis . The weather has been a dream , and I was shocked to find that the seeds I planted before I left are now huge - mongous plants . This morning we listened to a televised sermon and found a church we will visit next weekend . It was pretty cool - I had listened to the guy online and just knew Travis would love him - and I was right . After that , we went outside and did some yard work . Once again , I had a little lesson in humility . I was bent over in the sunshine above and the dirt below of my weedy little garden patch , and getting more and more frustrated by the minute that Travis was not helping me . He did pound some stakes in for the tomato plants ( untraditional stakes at that : all - thread , pvc pipe and any other thing he could pound in the ground that would hold the weight of the plants - my improvising genius spouse ! ) but then he went in to his computer . Little did I know , he was working on putting together a computer for me ( an old laptop with a broken screen attached to his flat screen monitor ) , so I can keep up with things until my new hard drive arrives . Geesh ! Sometimes I hate myself . Why am I always so quick to assume the worst ? I am so thankful that he did not respond to my frustration in anger , but that his peacekeeping attitude made all the difference . I sure can be an ogre at times . Speaking of ogre - - - has anybody seen Shrek the 3rd ? I hope we can go see it sometime this week ! When you see the green guy - think of me ! I am sitting on a very uncomfortable stool in my son 's room on his computer . Let 's just say I am not in my bloggy - zone . And while I am glad to be able to get on the computer , I will be very glad when mine is up and running again . We called HP this afternoon and found that the hard drive in my computer which is only 6 months old is corrupted . They are sending me a new one ( thankfully ) but we aren 't sure I 'll be able to get everything off of the last one . Ugh ! Please pray . I wanted to take a minute and brag on the Lord a little bit . The last time I went away for a long trip , I got back to a hubby who had become a little too accustomed to his peace and quiet , and life without the confusion , chaos and interruption that living with a family brings . The man was grouchy and after only a couple of days home - I wanted to leave again . We made it through that unscathed - however , leaving again had me worried . I cast all these cares on the Lord . I got home last night to a man standing outside in the late night hours watching for our car . It has been super to be back home with him again - and I know that only the Lord could do this between us . I am so thankful . I also wanted to thank the Lord publicly if you will , for the safe travel He gave us and the opportunity to visit with my friend Karen and her family about half - way . The visit with their family left me wondering how we haven 't always been friends . There is still so much we don 't know about each other - and yet I feel like I have known her forever . Weird - but I love friendships like that . God definitely orchestrated it - both of our families recovering from moving and in need of friends , it was just what we all needed . We laughed , watched movies , enjoyed intelligent conversation , and Karen and I even had a chance to sneak away for a pedicure where I proceeded to talk . her . ear . off ! However , while great things are happening all around us - the sin nature is always waiting to rear its ugly head - and I may have divulged something of a gossipy nature to Karen that likely sheMusings of I arrived home last night at 11 pm to my happily waiting husband - but since that moment the world has fallen apart ! My computer crashed while I was traveling and he isn 't sure he can fix it . All my info may be lost . Please pray about this ! It would be devastating ! Secondly - the oven glass broke while I was gone - and while he told me about it - it was traumatic to see it . The home warranty may cover this - if not we 'll have to get a new door . Also - our fridge is still on the blink and looks like we 'll have to fight GE with Home Depot on our side to get them to give us our money back . Ugh . I am so so so happy to be home - but the world is a little shaky right now . Missed y ' all terribly . Hope to be back soon ! Two people who I sometimes call friends ( hmphf ! ) were teasing me yesterday about being " addicted to the internet " . First of all I am a work - at - home mom who does the majority - 99 . 9999 % of my work on the computer - internet and email . That puts me on the computer a lot of hours . Secondly , my main uses for the internet are checking my bank statement , occasionally shopping online and blogging . I may be addicted to blogging in the sense that I do it regularly . Like right now , when I have about a trillion tasks to accomplish today , I thought I 'd take a wee moment to shoot my thoughts out here into blogland . Okay so maybe I 'm " addicted " to blogging . I don 't say anything when others are absorbed in sports , work , gaming , television shows , etc . We can all decide how to invest our time . Also consider the fact that I moved a year ago to a place where I don 't even have one single girlfriend yet - I have a few great prospects , but not one that I can just call and say , " Hey , let 's go somewhere , I just need to get out . " Anyway - I know they were just teasing - but I disagree - I am not addicted to the internet - I am a blogaholic ! Tomorrow it starts - the goodbyes . Actually we said a few tonight . I think it will be easier this time . We have done it a few times already . Also , it helps to know that we can always come back and visit . There are things we learn every time that we come . Several friends have told me that the kids say they miss it here and want to come back , and while I don 't deny that this is true - I have also heard them say they like Texas . I am thinking that a year between visits , at least , may be the best medicine for that . Coming back twice this first year was one thing , but it also interrupts our opportunities to make lives for ourselves in Texas . I am meeting one friend for breakfast in the morning - just the two of us - and that sounds like fun - uninterrupted conversation over coffee - how good does it get ! ? Then another friend and I are going to Rita 's for ice cream with all of our bunches . That will be nice too . Then in the afternoon and evening , we need to get busy about cleaning and organizing the house as well as packing the car . Ugh . I hate this part . But if everybody pitches in it won 't be so hard . I have to say - I dread the 3 day drive . We will stop in Alabama again and see Karen 's family . What a blessing they are . We will stay for a day and visit this time . I already know I need the break . Have I ever mentioned that I hate driving ? My apologies to all of my meme people ! I am sorry - it seems I forgot that it was Monday . All the travelling , an asthmatic child that was having a sleepover who called me every 2 hours and a hubby emergency with the debit card - all that transpired wiped some of my memory clean ! Here is my page for this week : I made this page with either a Scrap - a - Deal kit from 3Scrapateers or a Half - n - Half kit - they are both kits where you get part for a cheap price , and after you upload a page you made with the kit , you get the rest of it ! It is kind of fun , and I was doing it regularly for a while . I will have to check it out again soon . It is a great way to collect graphics . I can 't wait to see your pages - and if I haven 't commented , please know that I will catch up when I get home from my trip - Lord willing - by next weekend ! Happy Scrappin ' ! I was reading this post at Halfmoon Girl 's blog - and after years of feeling much the same way she is right now , and knowing how many other women may be caught in this same trap , I just had to respond . Let me explain this - my first child was born on April 5th - my first Mother 's Day was about 6 weeks later . I waited all day long in eager expectation and nothing happened . The next morning I burst into tears and told my husband that he forgot Mother 's Day - to which he replied " You 're not my mother ! " It took a while to help him understand why this was flawed thinking . Anyway , long story short - it has taken almost 20 years to realize that my husband is not a good gift - giver . I honestly don 't want another cake candle ( something he realized I liked and then bought for every occasion for a few years until I said " uncle " ) . He has been miserable around every holiday because there is this expectation to meet that he will fail at . I got to thinking about it last year and wondered where this " expectation " came from . The man tells me in other ways that he appreciates me . Honestly how special is it when these things are done out of obligation on the same day that every other husband does ? My hubby tells me what a good mom I am at other times - I don 't need anyone else dictating a special day for him to do so . And while he isn 't good at gift giving , he is my hero , provider and protector in many other ways . Why was I allowing these man - made , ( and excuse the rambling ahead of time ) commercialized holidays that are orchestrated to financially benefit the greeting card companies , florists , etc . dictate whether or not I feel loved . Last year , I decided to liberate my husband - and myself from this vicious cycle of his impotency to please me and my chronic disappointment . This past Christmas I told him I knew what I wanted and if he didn 't mind , I would get it for myself . The man was scratching his head thinking , " no shopping ? there 's gotta be a catch . " I told him I would not throw it up in his face that I " got my own gift " ( I knew IMusings of One of the things that I have missed so much since we moved from WV was being involved in a church where worship was a priority . Singing hymns can be awesome . I can sing them now in a way I never did , really meditating on the words and the depth of meaning the great hymn - writers intended when they were penned . I think many would be aghast at what they have become - rote recitations of familiarity , sung with little heart , and little grasp at the context . Today we attended theBridge which is a church we were attending for the last year or so before we moved . Although they meet in the auditorium of a local elementary school , the Spirit of God is there . They have made reaching the community for Christ a priority over having a building . I just love the heart of the people there . They draw you in . We never became members , but when we come " home " we know where we will be welcomed as family . Today 's sermon was the fifth part in a series on worship . It was like a drink of water to a thirsty person . Having been part of a praise and worship team for over six years , I know how easily it can become about the " band " , or the " music " . The sermon today was about how worship is intended to center our hearts and our worship on Christ . Pastor Tim focused on Revelation 5 , and the spacial concepts there - Christ on the throne in the center - and everyone else positioned around Christ in worship . I drew a diagram as the pastor illustrated the point and it really brought it home . I had this thought - that anytime I put myself in the center , I am committing treason - as I attempt to dethrone my King . Ponder that a minute ! Culturally , in the US we don 't understand the respect commanded by a king . It is hard to grasp this in a culture where a President is put on national TV to deny " sexual relations " with a young woman , with a shame - stained dress as evidence displayed for all the world to see . I digress , worship - the purpose is to keep our King , the one who will never shame us with scandal , never lie , never cheat , doesn 't lose His concentratMusings of I took a break from my " vacation " yesterday . I had to drop the girls off for the Battle Cry retreat they were invited to attend with the church we love to go to here at 5 am . Ugh . Kullen and I came back home and went back to bed and slept until 10 : 30 . We laid low most of the day watching movies and I worked on a scrapbook page . It was nice to take it easy and veg a little . We had to go and pick the girls up around 11 pm because they were rained out at the end of the outdoor conference , making them an hour early . They had a super day , but it made them sad to see what they have been missing . Also on another note , I have liked Martina McBride since the early 90s when I was at a concert where she opened for Garth Brooks . ( Yes , I was a BIG time country music fan ! ) And yesterday I heard her song " Anyway " for the first time . I liked it so much I thought I would share the video from YouTube here ! It reminds me of a quote / poem I heard once by Mother Teresa - this was written on the wall in her children 's home in Calcutta and this specific version is credited to her : People are often unreasonable , irrational , and self - centered . Forgive them anyway . If you are kind , people may accuse you of selfish , ulterior motives . Be kind anyway . If you are successful , you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies . Succeed anyway . If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you . Be honest and sincere anyway . What you spend years creating , others could destroy overnight . Create anyway . If you find serenity and happiness , some may be jealous . Be happy anyway . The good you do today , will often be forgotten . Do good anyway . Give the best you have , and it will never be enough . Give your best anyway . In the final analysis , it is between you and God . It was never between you and them anyway . Hope you all have a super great Mother 's Day ! May God richly bless you ! My friend Carol and I were talking about the things that teens say . She had an incident where a young man , a friend of her daughter 's used a phrase that took her by surprise . It wasn 't crude necessarily - he stated how so many guys just want to " get in a girls pants " . It sounds like he was being sincere , and although using a phrase which at first seems crude , he was sharing his thoughts on the overtly sexual culture we live in and the inappropriate nature of most male - female relationships . I will admit , like many adults , I get uncomfortable when the subject of sex comes up with teenagers , but I have chosen to take the path of being their trusted adviser . If they are speaking about such things in front of me , or with me , then they are inviting me into a sacred part of their lives . When we make sex a taboo subject , and are unwilling to have open and frank discussions with our kids about a topic that is very forefront in their minds , we can encourage it to become a private and secretive part of their lives . I have always talked very openly with my own children about God 's plan for the family and the role that sex plays in that plan . I never pass up an opportunity to help teenagers shape their thinking as well . Years ago , as a new youth leader , I knew God wanted me to focus on what He has to say about sex with the group . I asked several parents that I trusted what their thinking was on the subject . My friend Kate told me that the kids need to hear from other Christians , other adults that they trust what God has to say on the subject . It confirms what their parents are telling them at home . I have taken the role of trusted adviser . Sometimes it means I hear things from them that other adults would blush at or shy away from . There are times when I feel awkward and grasp for words , but I never take it lightly that they trust me . Are you a trusted adviser ? This post is not as interesting as it may first appear . Yesterday I was carting a immigrant truckload mini - van full of kids to meet up with a friend to see Spiderman 3 . Yes , yes , I already saw it at midnight on opening night with a group of teenagers , but Kullen wanted to go and see it with some monkeys of his friends . So yesterday afternoon , we head out to the movie theater . My evil nemesis friend Tina and I were supposed to meet up there . She called and said she was stopping at the Goodwill store . I stopped to meet her there and had my car turned off for no longer than 5 minutes , but when I tried to crank it , it clicked like my battery was dead . I have AAA , but we had a movie to make , so I pulled out the rusty jumper cables hubby put in the back of my car because he didn 't bother to get me a new battery before my long trip to WV in case of an emergency . My cables didn 't work - we figured either they were too rusty or my battery terminals were to corroded . Tina was no help at all as she freaked at the sight of the cables and stood eight feet away at all times hollering " be careful " a great help as she tried to " make eye contact " with any men passing by . The two hoods up should have been a great clue that we were two white trash women with 42 kids between us trying to use battery cables because we didn 't expect anyone to come and rescue us damsels in distress . Eventually what always happens in West Virginia did - a redneck pulled up , and couldn 't resist the opportunity to be our hero ! I thought Tina was going to die laughing when he walked up and I asked him if he could " jump me " . Just about that time the hood of her car came slamming down ! Yes , this true and funny story really happened ! See why I miss these dysfunctional people so much ! Eventually AAA had to come and rescue me , and I went to Auto Zone and bought a new battery . The hubby informed me that what I paid $ 60 he could 've gotten me for $ 39 in Texas . I just smiled thinking of what I might use those rusted up jumper cables for when I get home ! ! ! ! ! ! My boss posted a funny story about something her son said on her blog . It made me think of my son Kullen who gives me and endless supply of hilariousness . Like the time when he was 7 or 8 and we were talking to a homeschool skeptic , who asked him when his birthday was . He said he didn 't know . I said , " Kullen ? " thinking how could he NOT know his own birth date . He shrugged his shoulders and said with wide eyes , " Well how should I know , YOU never told me ? ! ? ? " Just a couple of days ago I was picking him up from hanging out at a friend 's house around 11 o ' clock , and he said , enthusiastically , " Mom did you hear what I did today ? " Well , I hadn 't - I had gone in one direction , and my friend was supposed to pick him up from the house of another friend . ( We are really making the rounds here in WV . ) He proceeded to tell me how he was dared and jumped into the swimming pool at my friend Kate 's house ! I was flabbergasted . Fortunately Kate has a sense of humor , and endless energy for boys like Kullen . Thank GOD ! So anyway , this funny boy is all mine . He can roll his tongue , whistle , stand on his head , count to like a trillion , but he does not know his birthday and has impulse control issues . It doesn 't matter , he makes me laugh until my sides hurt , he tells me I 'm beautiful every day , and I love him anyway . I just wanted to share this picture that my friend Carol took at her house on the night of the formal of my girls and me . Kendra 16 is on the left and Kaitlyn 13 is on the right . I still haven 't really blogged about the formal which was the guise under which we made the trip here to WV ! I will later . I have a few scrapbook pages that I am working on of pictures taken that night . Keep your eyes on the Scrap Happy meme ! My girls wanted to have a small group of their homeschooling friends over for a late night of playing cards , watching movies , etc . the way we used on occasion when we lived here . " Homeschooling " being the operative word which means that the late night part could be flexible . After talking to some of the parents , we determined it would be best if instead of having to be picked up at midnight , that everybody just stay overnight . Being able to stay in this lovely house that belongs to my friends provided this opportunity . The boys slept in the basement and the girls slept upstairs near me - although sleep seems the wrong word - we were talking and playing games until 3 am . When I got up the next morning , Kameron was the first one awake , and he had made a pot of coffee . ( Evidently he drew the short straw and got the floor or the chair to sleep on and didn 't sleep all that much ! ) The weather was nice so we sat on the screened in porch in the back and drank coffee and talked for about an hour and a half before anyone else made an appearance . Kameron is like me , he needs other people and relationships to thrive . I get him . It is an amazing thing to me to be in the lives of young people that I knew when they were small and see them grow up into these incredible young adults . I grew up moving around so much , and was always in so much chaos that I was in junior high school before I developed any long term relationships - and that was only because I had a friend that held on to me no matter where I moved . That morning , Kameron and I talked about all kinds of things . It wasn 't what we talked about that meant so much , but that he is a 15 year old that values a relationship with me - and I with him . Somewhere along the road my lives intertwined with these kids - and they are almost like my own in my heart . When everybody got up they started in on the four boxes of Captain Crunch cereal that I got for a quick and easy breakfast . Tayva asked if I 'd ever move back to West Virginia , and I told her I 'd only be back if Travis died . ( ofMusings of I have not been myself , especially here in the blogosphere . Whenever I have a moment to quickly blog , I look at this little white box , and the blankness of it does not speak to me as it normally does . I got nuthin ' . I have rapidly shooting random thoughts of things to blog about , such as . . . . . . how in Texas there is no " - ing " blend . If you want to say STRING - what comes out is strang . If you want to say FINGER - what comes out is fanger . And I wonder , if I tie a strang on my fanger will it help me remember all those nifty ideas of things to blog about ? I wonder how people in the deep south learn phonics , reading or spelling . These ideas quickly shoot through my head never developing into an actual post . I am hoping to get to bed earlier than I have been ( midnight ) and get a good night 's sleep . Perhaps the morning will bring me endless topics to blog about . Nitey nite ! One of my favorite Point of Grace songs is called " Better Days " - the chorus goes like this : Better days are just around the bendJust a ways on down the lineI believe that just around the bendEverything 's gonna be fineBetter days are just a dream right nowIt 's like all you do is prayBut the world keeps turningBringing us better daysThis is me right now . Today was a much better day . Yes , there are moments of being discouraged , but over all I have felt a lift . If you have prayed for me , thank you so much . Thank you also for the cyber hugs and encouraging comments . I know that this is something that takes time and that is a process . I have never been a patient person . What kind of fire must I pass through to have this refined in the depths of my soul ? I wish I knew ! I talked to my hubby today . I guess he 's been wondering if I was upset with him because I have been so melancholy . I told him that it was important for him to participate in us making Texas our home . It is different for him - he is a loner , and a homebody . He can tend to forget that I need companionship . Our conversation tonight reminded him . I know he wants us to love Texas . He asked me if I missed it - and I could really only say that I missed him . Ugh . I miss my dog and my garden and my own bed too . I guess I forgot those things . Things here have moved on and that makes me sad . We have got to move on too - but I am not sure how to do it . What is really hard right now is the changing churches after investing three months there . I know God has a plan for all that we are enduring right now . I am thankful that He doesn 't ever quit halfway through - and that He will bring to completion what He has started in our lives . Tonight we are having a " get together " . I 'm off to play some cards ! I don 't even know what to title this hodge - podge post . There is so much that has happened . The three days of driving wiped me out - and we have been on the go ever since we arrived . On our way we were blessed to stop in Alabama and meet up with the Woodwards . Karen and I have been blogging buddies for going on two years now and I have felt very connected to her family - even when they were far away in Romania . Our visit with them was way too brief , but it was awesome to stop and have a nice meal , stimulating conversation , and share some laughs . They are a precious family . The night before the formal , my children talked their half - crazy mother into attending the first viewing of Spiderman 3 - which was at midnight ! Ugh . And it seems that no matter what time I go to bed , I wake routinely around 7 : 30 - 8 : 00 . The formal was wonderful . Here is a picture of my beautiful girls . It has all been great fun , but the lack of rest is catching up with me . We were very blessed to be able to stay in a house - and have the whole thing to ourselves . Our friends have a home next door to theirs that they bought to host missionary families in transit . It is awesome . Fortunately for us it was currently empty . That has been a tremendous blessing - being able to use a kitchen and do laundry . Awesome . More about this later ! I went tonight to have dinner and play cards with some girlfriends . We met at Helen 's house because her husband is out of town . She grilled steaks and made baked potatoes , salad , and had fresh strawberries to serve over pound - cake with whipped cream . Afterwards she made everyone cappuccino that we drank while we played cards . Our favorite game is Golf - nine cards for nine rounds . It is really fun . I always do so - so . We laughed so much and I realize how much this is missing from my life . The friendship , the being yourself and still being loved , the not always having to be " on " so that you can get acquainted with new people . On my way home I had a good cry . I was thankful for the time in the car by myself . I am SO homesick - Musings of I almost missed this ! I am on a trip WAAAAYYYY out of state ! I am missing my hubby today - which inspired my page for the week . The picture was taken on our anniversary last summer ! Hope your week is Scrap Happy ! That is all that I know to say right now . We have been so busy visiting with friends and working on getting the internet up and running that all creative juices are officially zapped . I have missed my blog ! There is so much to tell - hope to catch you all up soon ! It is so good to be with people who know you so well and love you anyway . Good friendships are like an old pair of fuzzy slippers - the kind that are broken in and have grooves to fit every toe , the shape of your insole and the curve of your heel . Just yours - the fit wouldn 't be right for anyone else . When we got to WV I saw my friend Jeanette for a brief moment while we dropped off girls and luggage . In just those few moments there were exchanges that have crossed the divides of time and miles to let me know that we know each other . After that it was on to my friend , Carol 's house . It is so good to see her - my big sister , confidant and cheerleader . Her family is our family . We have celebrated many a Christmas , Easter , birthday , backyard BBQ , etc . in her home . We belong there . Going to Carol 's house is like coming home . We spent this evening with the Dimwhits ! That isn 't their real name , but it will suffice for this telling otherwise they will disown us forever , abandon the internet for a hippie commune , never to be seen again for fear that after what I am about to tell you , you will ALL want to meet them . This family is a Bohemian bundle of chaos , love and laughter . Picture the father , barefooted with long hair sitting at the dinner table sipping at a glass of wine while reading food for thought from a " food quotes " book his wife chose as a gift for him one year . The wife is making a spinach and feta omelet for her friend who abandoned her a year ago for the glory that is Texas . Someone threw a goldfish at my chin , and someone else made me laugh until water nearly came out of my nose . The youngest son and I had a lot of catching up to do as he informed me that in 10 years he will be 18 . We had an agreement a few years ago that he would never get any older than six , and he likes to rub it in . The oldest son is showing pictures he had taken at a " Hollywood " themed party with a friend who dressed as Marilyn Monroe to his Arthur Miller . We also attempted to assess whether the girl who was ridinjustjuls We just checked into two adjoining hotel rooms . Girls are taking showers , cheesy shows are on the tube , microwaves are popping popcorn - and me , I 'm ticked off . I am tired . Every part of me hurts - my back , my toes , my head , my shoulders , my arms , my calves , even the middle of the bottom of my feet . I am e - x - h - a - u - s - t - e - d , and frustrated . I was trying to get things out of the car after waiting an eternity for the ever so thorough desk clerk to check me in . Things were falling out of the van , ev - ery - where and my little sweethearts , each carrying their own little belongings and each with a free hand stood inside the front doors of the hotel looking - at - me . I on the other hand must 've looked like a pack camel in a caravan with 42 water bottles , 3 unclaimed and mismatched shoes , a 832 pound backpack with dirty underwear hanging out , and sunglasses which used to be on the top of my head now hanging somewhere around my neck . Their friends offered to help - but the young ladies that I am making the unbelievably long , miserable drive for - the ones who want so badly to be at the spring formal with their friends - do they bother to think about anyone besides themselves - oh no ! They are too busy calling " first shower " , and making sure they have their journals , and makeup , and favorite pillow . Water ? Nah , we will ask mom for water later - about two minutes after she 's put her jammies on to get into bed . Snacks ? We aren 't hungry right now - which also means , we 'll bug mom to provide something to eat when we are hungry , which will likely be the very most inconvenient moment , just after a stroke and shortly before she achieves mental instability that would qualify her ( me ) for permanent placement in the funny farm . I think I know that every human being is basically selfish - but when I am tired like this and I see such a dramatically flamboyant display , it makes me very grouchy ! I DARE them to ask to use my computer ! grrrrrrrrrr We arrived at KarenW 's home where she and her family of five are currently living with her parents as they wait on the Lord for the next step in His journey for them . It is not only one of THE nicest homes I have ever been , but it is definitely the most welcoming . We opened up a van overloaded with kids and stuff and looked like a clown car emptying out , with me and all five kids and nobody seemed to be disarmed . There was hot food , great conversation , we even squeezed in a movie and more conversation before bed . These are people I so wish we lived closer to so we could visit more often . They are so real and down to earth - I wanted to say normal but that is relative - they are unique - and quirky in ways that are similar to us - liking to quote great lines from movies , tell stories about their lives , and teasing one another . Anyway , everybody is asleep still . I woke up at 7 am and my eyes popped open , and I knew I was awake for good . I took my shower to get that out of the way , and will let the kids sleep in a bit before we load up and head out again . My plans were to make it to WV tonight - but it appears that there is no chance of that . I didn 't even get halfway here - and I drove for over 13 hours . I can 't do more than that - so we are going to divide the rest of the trip in two parts and make it there by Wednesday . As I drove those 13 hours yesterday , the highway has offered several spiritual lessons . Don 't drive 45 in the fast lane . Spiritual maturity does not come overnight . Only growth in the Lord over time can make a person ready for the pace of the " fast lane " . When in a lane where merging traffic is attempting to blend in , even if keep your eyes straight ahead of you so you can ignore the fact that I desperately need out in rush hour , I am still there . Even if we turn a blind eye to sin , sin is still sin and will have to be dealt with sooner or later . These may sound completely ridiculous to you - but take a road trip sometime - look around . The whole world is painting a picture of spiritual truth . I find iMusings of |
Yesterday it occurred to me and I went to my bank - - the Bank of America , this branch of which is a sinkhole of incompetence - - and was pleased it wasn 't at all crowded . Went up the teller and asked where the coin counting machine was and this conversation ensued : " We don 't have one . " " Then how do you count coins ? " " We send them to L . A . " " How can I get my coins counted ? " " We can send them to L . A . for you , but it will take about ten days . " Who - o - a ! In tiny Little Egg Harbor , New Jersey , my bank had a coin counting machine that was free for customers to use . Here , they send to Los Angeles - - fer cryin ' out loud ! I tried across the street at the credit union and yes , they have a coin counter , but I 'm not an account holder there and they took ten percent . What is really incredible is that they charge their own customers five percent . You 'd think it would be gratis for them . Anyway , I put my coins in - - incidentally , the damn thing kept rejecting and I had to put them back - - and I was pleased to see I had forty - three bucks and change . The ten percent came off of that , but still . Doris called and she , Carole , and I will meet for the movies ( Arrival ) this afternoon . Went to WinCo for a few items and picked up some nice skinless chicken breasts . In truth , I like the skin , when I oil and season it , best , but mindful of my weight loss resolve , I bought them , roasted them , and had one for dinner . I still prefer dark meat with skin , but it was okay . Went from there to the library and got a few things . Home for lunch , then out for a drive . El called and said the plumber was coming on Wednesday afternoon to install her new dishwasher and could I be there until she gets back from work ? Sure . When I picked up the mail , I found to my amazement , a check for $ 55 . 00 from some kind of class action suit in Jersey . Hey , I don 't care what it 's from , I 'll take it . So that means I 'm in the money - - almost forty from my change , fifty - five here - - wowee ! I enjoy my Sunday ritual so much , I look forward to it the rest of the week : coffee , computer , and crossword in the morning and I 'm set for the day . After the aforementioned ( I just can 't help myself ! ) and breakfast , I went to Barnes & Noble . I still haven 't spent any of my gift card from Sherry and I thought they might have Laughing At My Nightmare , by Shane Buchaw . He in his twenties , lives in Pennsy , and has a rare muscle condition . He can do almost nothing for himself and eventually , he won 't be able to swallow or breathe and he 'll be dead . I 'm " friends " with him on Facebook and think he 's a neat guy in all kinds of ways . Didn 't find the book at B & N , so I guess I 'll have to buy it from Amazon . I then went to Lowe 's and bought another succulent dish for Sharon , plus two ferns for myself to put in the new two planters . Drove into town , meaning to go to the library , but remembered the horrible craters at the parking lot entrance and will go today , instead . stopped into several stores and got a few inconsequential items - - they must be inconsequential because I can 't remember what they are - - then home for lunch . Beside a big salad and a dish of homemade apple sauce , I zapped the kale I bought the other day and it was absolutely horrible . I 'll try cooking it longer , but after that , kale and I are going to end our relationship , which wasn 't very good to begin with . Went to the east end Goodwill and found a sensational faux fur small rug , which I 'll put in front of the hall sink - - love it ! Also got a large terra cotta pot that looks great on the patio , three small saucers for under the smaller plants , a large one for the big plant , and a bag of flat marbles for anchoring plants . Total cost ? Twelve bucks and change . I saw Suzanne and another resident , Don , chatting outside and I stopped for a bit . Don has lived here ten years , Suzanne fifteen , which always pleases me . Don said he 'd like the complex to be made an over - 55 one , but I don 't . There aren 't many children in this part , anyway , but I like to see and hear them now and then . Besides , if that happened , I 'd be willing to bet animals would be allowed and that 's the one thing that would drive me away . Anyway , I asked Suzanne if I could get some information from her regarding a friend who might need help at home . She invited me in and gave me some leads . I managed to stay out much of the time on Saturday . Did the back - and - forth wash chore in between breakfast , then went to WinCo for dish detergent and kale . I 'm not nuts about kale , but thought I 'd give it another try as a salad green , as it 's supposed to be packed with nutrients or something . Home for lunch , then as I was going out again - - I want to get some plants for the two containers I bought - - El called on the cell . Her new dishwasher had been delivered and she wanted to know when I 'd be available to be there when it was installed . I told her almost anytime this coming week , aside from Wednesday morning when I have the BCNN breakfast . She said she was going to work in the patio and did I want to come over in an hour or so ? Sure thing , and I did . As it turned out , it was so cold - - 53 , I saw on line - - that Ellen didn 't do any gardening , but we had a nice talk , ranging from one of her students to drug overdoses among older white males to L . A . Housewives . This was accompanied by peach iced tea and a little of the liqueur Cointreau . I had never had it before and I like it , but probably won 't run out to buy any . I think it 's pretty potent . Went to T . O . P . S . and ouch , I gained either four or six pounds , I didn 't want to check . Could that possibly be because I 've been eating any old thing I want , including ice cream , beer , and so on ? Oh , hell , no . However , I was pleased when all the regulars greeted me warmly and asked where I 'd been the last two sessions . I do like this group - - maybe because I see them only once a week - - and I 'll continue to go to the meetings . In addition , I resolve here and now to get serious about losing . Incidentally , our leader , Lolly , always asks those in the group to mention any challenges they have . I said the area under my - - well the upper part of my anatomy that used to be perky - - gets itchy and a little sore . Others recommended Gold Bond Medicated Power , which I did later and it works fine . Nothing tempts me to eat more than staying in , especially if I 'm sitting most of the time . Therefore , I determined I 'd stay out most of the day . I didn 't have breakfast until 10 : 00 and after , I went out to WinCo for salad fixings , then to Wal - Mart for the powder and stuff . Made my salad for lunch , adding some chicken I had in the fridge , then resisted the temptation to have anything else , and drove to town . I parked on Thompson Avenue , then walked to three stores and picked up some plant holders , plus a pretty flowering kale ( not the edible kind ) . By the time I got home , it was close to 5 : 00 and I was pleased at that . Betty called and so did Courtney at Caregivers . Finally , my fingerprint report came in ( guess I 'm not a escaped felon ) and George , who also works there , called to ask if he could come to my apartment on Tuesday so I can fill out papers they need . Geesh , this is telephone - calling for which I volunteered because I think it will be interesting ; you 'd think it was directorship or something . I was a little surprised that he wants to come to my place , but I think it 's so they can be sure you don 't live in a rat - infested slum or something - - don 't know for sure . Speaking of volunteering , I also offered myself to participate in some Alzheimer 's clinical trials . Somebody from there called me yesterday , too . Unfortunately , of those listed , the closest is in L . A . and I won 't drive there . However , according to the web site , there are three in which participants don 't have to go to a site ; it 's on - line , I guess , and I 'll contact those to see if it 's feasible for me . Posted by I 'm beginning to wonder if I 'm losing it , considering : Every third Thursday , Caregivers has a coffee , to which they invite their - - well , caregivers . Since I 've volunteered to be a phone caller , I go and I enjoy them . I had it on my calendar for yesterday at 11 : 00 am , but completely forgot about it . Darn . I did stop on my way to an event at Cypress Place to ask if my fingerprint report came in . It hasn 't yet , so I 'm still waiting for an assignment . Doris had e - mailed me back that she 'd like to go to the " Senior Scam " presentation and I met her there . ( The public was invited to this . ) An acting company that 's actually called " Stop Senior Scams " did it , with original skits . I had expected to be somewhat bored , but thought I go to check out the acting company . Hey , they were really good . I talked to their director before hand - - Adrienne Omansky , who has only one arm - - and we exchanged cards . Unfortunately , they 're from L . A . and I won 't think of going that far , unless we 're talking Hollywood . Anyway , the ensemble sang part of show and , almost surely , some had appeared in paying gigs . It was great fun , actually , and I 'm glad I went . Went home and changed after , then drove to the library . I took back three books , only one of which I read - - I just have too much reading material , with three more I 'm partway through . Saw Sharon , from T . O . P . S . and she said everyone had been asking where I was ( I skipped the last two meetings , I 'm afraid ) . I told her I 'd go today and I will , although I dread the scale . I 've been eating everything in sight for weeks , I 'm afraid . Had a message from the Alzheimer 's Association when I got home - - maybe they somehow knew I had forgotten Caregivers coffee - - and I called back . I had indicated interest in Alzheimer 's research at one of the many gatherings I attended , and this was in reference . I imagine it 's similar to the Brain Research Study at did at Stockton State and it seems feasible , I 'll do it . Posted by What a day - - but a sunshiny one and that makes up for anything . Got to my 10 am manicure appointment early and Diane took me early . I chose a bright red because I thought it looked like spring and Diane did a nice job , as usual . Home , I showered and dressed , but didn 't wash my hair , hoping the shape would stay in for at least a few days . Met Nancy at the Black Angus at 12 : 30 ; we both had " golden Margaritas " - - it was pineapple - - but I was mildly disappointed that they weren 't in traditional Margarita glasses , which I find so festive . Actually , I didn 't think they were very good , anyway - - weak , actually . But we enjoyed lunch and lots of good talk , of course , then parted . It was too early to go to the Strategic Plan meeting , so I went home and did this and that , then set off for the 3 : 30 meeting at Suze ' es office . Only it wasn 't at her office . When I got there , I was told it was at City Hall , all the way in town . Suze had sent an e - mail to meet in " Room 218 , " not realizing I didn 't know that meant City Hall . I know how to get there - - it 's just above the library ( above , as in " beyond , " and also literally above , as it 's on a rise that overlooks the city ) . On the way , I had to detour for this and that , so I got there a half hour late for an hour - long meeting . However , it worked out okay . I learned a bit and I met Denise Sindelar , who is manager of the Community Partnership Division of the Ventura Parks , Recreation & Community Commission ( everybody around here has lo - o - ong titles ) . She 's very sharp , savvy , and articulate person , and she greeted me as a colleague . I did manage to say a few things that didn 't sound too knuckle - headed and as if I knew what was what , although I don 't , but I 'll learn . Also present were VACE people Cary ( a very tall , slender , pretty brunette who you 'd swear made her living as a model ) , Lori , and Hans . Sent an e - mail to Doris and Sherry to see if they want to go to a program ( public is invited ) today at Cypress Point Independent Living . It 's on senior scams , in which I have no interest at all , but I just like to get out . Posted by Why ? Because of my continuing suffering at the hands of Experian Credit Bureau ; I spent several hours in the morning on calling , arguing , and so on , and got nowhere . Although Experian agrees that my social security number is now correct and they rate my credit ( of 805 ) as " exceptional , " the " dispute " label is still on my page on their web site . I 've filed a complaint with the U . S . government credit agency , although I 'd be willing to bet that 'll do me a fat lot of good . Went to my hair appointment at noon and Amanda did a nice job , as ever . However , I was taken aback to be charge $ 32 - - plus of course , I added a 20 percent tip - - which I think is ridiculously high . Possibly , I 'll look around for a less expensive place . I called Mayfair and told them to forget the coffee table - - since the quote they gave me originally has expired , it 's more than forty dollars higher . The hell with it , I 'll get it at a furniture store here , although I was hoping to avoid paying to have it delivered . Went to Smart ' n ' Final for oranges and onions ; otherwise , took a drive just to get out . Things started looking up later in the day : Nancy called and asked if I was free for lunch today at the Black Angus . I figure if I change my manicure appointment to earlier ( I had made it for noon ) , I could do it , as my VACE meeting is at 3 : 30 . Called Diane at Jessica Nails and she said I could come at ten today . Nancy said B . A . had a special on " golden Margaritas , " and boy , that sounds good to me . Posted by More damn rain came down , although there was little wind and it was sporadic . I vacuumed - - my least favorite chore in the universe - - and dusted . ( I can 't imagine where this cleaning frenzy came from ; something must be wrong with me . ) Drove into town and picked up some books for Mr . K . , plus a furry throw I couldn 't resist . It looks like mink , although considering the modest price , it surely isn 't . It was silly of me to buy it , as I have several other throws , but maybe our visitors can use it . Called to get a hair appointment , which I wanted for tomorrow , but Amanda isn 't in until 2 : 00 and I have a meeting at 3 : 30 , so no . Made it for today at noon instead . Called Diane at Jessica Nails and made an appointment for tomorrow , also at noon . The meeting I 'm going to after is to discuss the Ventura Senior Citizens Master Plan and is at the conference room by Suz ' es office at VACE . E - mailed niece Carolyn and nephew Steve to ask if they 'd serve as surrogate sibs and come see the Tokyo Trio when they 're here . Carolyn and family are going to Colorado , but I hope they don 't leave right away ; she 'll call me shortly . Went to the widder dinner . A new guy , Jeff , came . He 's pretty young - - maybe 55 or so - - and lost his wife only two months ago . The regulars were there , plus some relative newcomers , including Pam ( not Chuck 's Pam , but a different one ) . She 's also young * , early fifties , maybe , and very vivacious . She 's an environmental lawyer and her husband was a musician who died of an accidental drug overdose . I sat next to , and chatted with " Suzy , " who 's in real estate , but also writes books . Sounds interesting , but she 's actually somewhat of a bore . Titus , as usual , stayed quietly under the table . Sunday , I bestirred myself to do some of the other vinegar / baking soda tasks , including un - tarnishing several silver serving pieces . You just put a loose ball of aluminum foil in a pan of boiling water and baking soda , and it comes off like magic . It 's certainly some kind of chemical reaction , but I got a kick out of it . In the mood , I also Swiffered my hard floors and otherwise cleaned up . Went to Target for a dish detergent wand . I want to try another piece of vinegar advice : to put half dish detergent and half vinegar in the wand , then when you shower , use it to wipe down the inside of the area . For me , this is particularly pertinent because my shower is part of the tub and has a glass door ( so does the one at my house , but that 's a walk - in and separate from the tub ) . It 's awkward to clean the combo here - - I have to either reach around things or actually get in , which I don 't like to do with clothes on . I 'll give this a try and hope it works . I want to do a few other domestic chores , also . ( How soon will I get bored with this Suzy Homemaker stuff ? ) Went to town , thinking I 'd stop at the library , but just didn 't - - too lazy to get out of the car , I guess - - and drove back . Stopped at Goodwill and picked up two magazine holders ; I had seen a tip on putting various containers in them and it worked well . I put one under the kitchen sink and one under the bathroom one . I was delighted to hear back from Tokyo son that it 's okay to invite his cousins and their families to see them the day after they arrive . After lunch , got gas , then went to Wal - Mart for this and that . I constantly resolve not to go there on weekends - - preferably , not to go to any malls , supermarkets , or other stores then , because they 're always so crowded . Do I violate my own rule ? All the time , I 'm afraid . However , I got what I wanted and escaped with my life . Ellen called to ask if I 'd come over about 3 : 00 , as we were going to grade papers . Got there , but she decided we should first go see the ocean . ( We never did grade papers . ) She first gave me a lovely Valentine card - - so sweet and she is so sweet . I don 't know how I got so lucky to have such a daughter . Off to the sea we went and - - wow ! Huge waves were rolling in , crashing against the jetties , and , whipped by the wind , throwing off great sprays of water . It was wild and so exhilarating to see the ocean after a storm . Somehow , the Atlantic never seemed as fierce , at least not in south Jersey . We went from there to Wal - Mart , as El needed some things , including a watch . She wanted just a utilitarian one with a leather band to replace her old one , which needed a battery . I decided to take it and , depending on the cost , may get it fixed . I haven 't worn a watch since I retired and see the time on my phone , but it might come in handy someday . I got some " perfume cubes " and other stuff I think you put on potpourri , as mine seems to be scent - less somehow . Back at El 's , we had Bistro MD for dinner and , as ever , good talk . She bought a new dishwasher and I said I 'd be glad to be at her house to receive the plumber when it 's delivered and / or installed . Otherwise , she 's have to get it on Saturday and try to have installed at the same time . Posted by However , I went to the BCNN lunch at the Black Angus . Sat with three other women , Ellen , Joanie , and an obnoxious bore , Patty . The latter actually founded Beach Cities Neighbors and Newcomers , and she 's sure to let everybody know it . Incredibly , she acted like some kind of group leader , saying , " Now , we 'll introduce each other and tell something about our backgrounds ; Rosemary , you 're new , so you go first . " And so on . The other two women were pretty nice and the food was good and the Black Angus has Blue Moon , so it was okay . But BCNN continues to be the least favorite of the groups I 'm in . I don 't mean I don 't like it at all , but if I had to give just one up , that would be it . Took an age to get home , as the school behind the apartment complex must have gotten out early and there were a slew of cars jamming the streets . Did get in , though , and stayed in the rest of the day . Called Nancy when I got home to talk over the outing . Up in Oakview , she was having just as heavy a storm ; she certainly made the right decision not to come down . My tenant , Eileen , had sent me the tax assessment card and I texted her to thank her . She wrote back and I was so sorry to learn that her son , who was only 41 , has died . I 'm not sure , but I believe that was the only son ; she has a daughter , also . I 'll send her a note shortly . Spent a fair amount of time answering and initiating e - mails , some on my acting course and some on Council for Seniors . I " subscribe , " as the saying goes , to two " Hometalk " sites , which are kind of DIY things . I enjoy seeing various cute ideas here and there , although some seem more trouble than they 're worth . I came across info on what wonderful natural cleaning items vinegar and baking soda are , and I determined to use them for the jobs described . Went out and bought a glass measuring cup , a scrubber , and sundry other things for these great projects . Uh . . . got home and kind of lost interest . I know I 'll do the cleaning stuff one of these days , but just wasn 't in the mood . It occurred to me weeks ago that I 'm in a rut when it comes to jewelry . I have a fair amount of it , but aside from my rings ( I haven 't taken my wedding ring off since June 21 , 1958 ) , I tend to wear the same old things , earrings , especially . I wear silver hoop earrings so often people must think they 're all I have . So I went to Kohl 's and got a pretty pair of Vera Wang - - kind of dangling silver leaves . Went to the mall where I rarely go , and got another pair ; these are silver hoops , but bigger than I usually wear . I also couldn 't resist a gold and silver bracelet , although I have a lot of bracelets - - this is so pretty I had to have them . Tried on a few tops , also , but ugh , ugh , and double ugh . Sue called to say she wouldn 't go to lunch today , as a big storm is predicted and , because she and Mac live on a sailboat , she thought she 'd better be home . She took Mac to the V . A . on Tuesday for more blood tests . Nothing new on his Alzheimer 's . Ellen called on her way to Santa Barbara to pick Greg up . Roz is out of the hospital and a caregiver has been hired . Hope she works out all right . Told El I 'd go over to help her grade papers tomorrow . I wouldn 't care if we were shoveling snow off the roof , I just like to be with her . I had to force myself out of bed when the alarm rang at 6 : 00 . It had been a long , strenuous day at the casino and I still hadn 't gone over my notes for what I was presenting at the Council for Seniors . Managed to shower , wash my hair , write out some notes on my notes , and get to Silvercrest early . The meeting went smoothly . I asked for members for the focus committee ( to work on revisions to the Senior Services Strategic Plan ) and got two . With councilwoman Cheryl H . and secretary Lori , plus me , that makes five and that 's enough . Doris and Sherry were at the meeting and I chatted with them after . Got home , changed ( it was a gorgeous day , sunny and warm , so I put on Capris ) , and drove into town to the library . Took some back , picked up more , then headed to WinCo , as I had run out of a lot of groceries . After returning home ( and I had to make three trips from my car to the apartment ) , I actually drove to the beach and sat for a time - - but only about twenty minutes , as it turned much cooler and windier . Nancy called . Unfortunately , she had read it would rain tomorrow , and she 's afraid to drive in it , so our plans for lunch and a movie are probably dashed . We talked a bit and made a very tentative date for Saturday IF it doesn 't rain and IF Ellen doesn 't need me for something or just wants to hang out . I e - mailed Carole to ask if she might want to go to the Black Angus for lunch with the " Lunch and a Movie " bunch from BCNN . I 'll call Sue and ask her , too . Regardless , I 'll probably go myself . I won a fair amount playing only with the casino 's money before lunch , but frittered it away in the afternoon . We met up at 3 : 30 for Chardonnay in the bar and talked a blue streak then and through the day . ( Carole has an interesting , to say the least , background , which would take ten entries just to outline . ) It was a pretty fun day , but much too long . The bus doesn 't start back until 5 : 00 , and there was heavy traffic , so we didn 't get to Ventura until after 7 : 00 . In the summer , Carole said she 'd drive there , so we can leave earlier . Great idea , although I 'm not even sure if I 'm up for going back in the summer . I really don 't like the noise , the flashing lights , the smoke , or frankly , much else about the casino except the Reuben and Stella Artois we had for lunch . A pretty strenuous day . I took the triple trip ( I love alliteration ) to the laundry house and once I got the clothes sloshing in the washer , drove over to feed Sebastian . Once back , I transferred stuff to the dryer , had breakfast , then went back to fold and retrieve . Nancy called to beg off going to the casino with Carole and me today - - just had too much going on . We had a long talk - - she and Betty are the only two I talk to for long periods by phone - - and she asked if I was available on Friday . Yes , and we made a tentative date . Drove into town , browsed in a few places , and picked up a cute little plastic dog for Mr . K . , that " walks , " barks , and plays music . By the time I got home , it was after 1 : 00 and I wanted lunch , so I switched my 2 : 00 manicure appointment to 3 : 00 . Ate , showered , and got to Jessica 's Nails on time . I picked a bright red this time ( I had salmon last time ) and it came out looking nice . Rushed over to Kohl 's to see if I could find some nice earrings - - I seem to wear the same silver hoops all the time and I 'm sick of them . Didn 't see any I wanted , so I left . Got home and picked up the mail . Received a nice note and - - I guess it 's a New Year 's card , one of those DIY efforts with your own photos . This was from Julie , daughter of my neighbor and longtime walking partner , Susan . She and I developed a strong rapport when I used to be invited to Susan 's family gatherings at Sunrise Bay . Also got a Valentine card from Betty . I send them only to the kids and this year , I even skipped Joel , Jr . , and Tristan . Dressed and drove to Copa Cubana at the harbor to meet Sue and Carole and their respective spouses , Mac and Vane ( name is English ) . We had a pretty good dinner , if you like Cuban food , which I don 't much , but the paella was okay . We were right next to the loud , LOUD six - piece band , but luckily , they didn 't start until we were finished dinner . We left about 7 : 15 and I was home twenty minutes later . Really didn 't do much of anything productive . Spent my usual Sunday morning , which takes several hours . About 11 : 00 , Ellen called to say she and Greg were on their way to Santa Barbara , as Roz , Greg 's mother , was having problems breathing . She had refused to go to the hospital initially , but Greg 's brother , a cardiologist at the Mayo Clinic , called and persuaded her . This had happened almost exactly a year ago , when I went with them to take her in . El asked if I 'd go over and feed Sebastian last evening and this morning and of course , I agreed . I asked her to update me later , and she did . Oiled and seasoned some chicken thighs , roasted them , and had one for lunch . Went to Vons for a few things . Stopped at Wal - Mart to get wall strips for two light pictures of the Tokyo Trio I wanted to hang . Did so and they look good . Finally found makeup sponges at CVS . El called back to tell me Roz was admitted and that she and Greg planned to stay over at Roz ' es . Ellen is off today , for some reason . I went over and fed Sebastian , who didn 't seem particularly concerned when I came in . Home , I heard back from Suz on e - mail . She likes my ideas for the presentation ( about the Strategic Plan ) on Tuesday . Put new ink in the copier and didn 't do much else . Posted by I got up at 6 : 00 , so that was good , but I felt tense and worried , considering my schedule and the fact that I was still having phone problems . True , I was free over the weekend , as Nancy 's son is sick and hadn 't been able to replace her battery , so she had to postpone our Hill Street Cafe jaunt . However , I had committed to dinner on Monday with Sue and Carole at the new Copa Cubana at Ventura Harbor and to be eligible for one of ten free dinners , I had to text the place a certain formula . On Tuesday , Carole , Nancy and I are going to the casino - - 9 am until about 6 : 00 - - and I had a lot I wanted or needed to do : text that thing , get my hair trimmed , get a manicure , buy ink , contact Catherine 's to make sure they had my SS number , and most important and time - consuming of all , I had to prepare for the Council for Seniors meeting on Wednesday morning . Now that last was no simple thing . Suz had asked me , if Ventura Councilwoman Cheryl couldn 't be there , to take over for her and introduce the audience to our restructuring the county 's Senior Services Strategic Plan . I was to ask for volunteers to be members of a focus group - - a quasi - official committee , I guess you 'd call it - - as well as briefly explain the Plan as it is now . I wasn 't sure what Suz wanted - - she often flits from one subject to another - - I don 't like to do this kind of thing off the top of my head , anyway . I wrote out a short piece and e - mailed it to Suz , to see if that 's what she had in mind . It took a while , because I first had to familiarize myself with it . Upshot of that was they reduced the bill by about half - - more than they actually had to - - and best of all , a guy named Todd came and the phone might be fixed . I emphasize " might be " because he said he had changed all the wires outside , so if it happens again , it means the problem is either 1 . ) with the apartment complex wiring or 2 . ) with my phone . Ellen had given me them ( she uses only her Smartphone ) and they 're pretty old . Todd suggested I buy an inexpensive phone from CVS or whatever and , if it happens again , plug it in . If it 's affected also , it has to be the internal wiring ; if not , it 's my phones and I 'll replace them . Finally , at long last , I got somebody to give me a straight answer about this . Additional Note : I wrote that yesterday , February 11 , would have been my husband , Pat 's , 87th birthday . WRONG ! He was born in 1931 , so it would have been his 86th . I spent most of the morning and an hour and fifteen of the afternoon in trying to get my phone fixed AND in disputing a credit report . Repeated what 's getting to be the usual hassle with AT & T : long waits , disconnections , and bland indifference by the reps . In addition , I endured at least three calls each to the company ( Wayfair ) , the credit company , a bank , and who knows , Santa Claus , I discovered that a place where I have a credit card ( Catherine 's ) provided my SS number incorrectly by one digit . Since my credit score is 805 ( same as my area code ) , you 'd think they 'd be happy to get my business , but no , I guess not . I don 't want to go into detail , I 'll just say it was an ordeal . Took a break from all that to attend Dr . Woodling 's lecture at The Townehouse . I realize why I keep calling him " Dr . Wordling " - - because he 's so wordy and he 's getting more and more boring . His topic was " memory " and as he always does , he roamed all over the map . If there 's any one nugget of information in his talks that I haven 't heard before - - or haven 't known since I was ten - - I haven 't found it yet . ( Okay , he revealed the info about putting B12 under the tongue , but that was it . ) Doris had saved me a seat and I sat with her and Sherry . On my other side was Jean Shelton , the one old enough to be my mother , and I enjoyed talking to her . I accompanied her to her daughter 's car and recognized her as somebody who had been on our last casino trip . It was raining - - again - - as I drove home . Funny , it 's almost never the hard , driving rain you get in Jersey . This , as usual , was kind of a slow drip . Called Nancy after dinner and we had a long talk . Her car 's battery died on Thursday and her son has been sick , so wasn 't able to get a new one . That means we won 't be going to the Hill Street Cafe today and probably not tomorrow , either . I invited her to go to the casino with Carole and me on Tuesday , and she accepted with pleasure . Went to Ralph 's and got makings for a slow cooker potato casserole - - Idahos , peppers , onions , yellow squash and spices . I made it up when I got home , using the mandolin to slice . Boy , it made enough for about fifteen people , it looked like . I used both slow cookers , then dressed and left to meet Carole and Sue at the harbor . Sue wanted to introduce us to The 805 bar and restaurant , formerly " The Dive , " and that 's where we went . It was mostly Cuban food and I had empanadas , ground beef in a flaky crust - - very good . The owner came over to tell us he 's opening a new restaurant next door , The Copa Cubana ( " specializing in authentic Cuban cusine " ) and ten dinners would be free . We decided on the spot to go and entered the " contest " via test for the free dinners , which involves . I took Sue home , as Mac , her husband , had the car . I did so , then veered off the the library . When I got home , I checked the potato dishes and they were both finished . Knocked on Suzanne 's door , as I knew she had AT & T and I wanted to ask her about it . However , her involvement with them is just for Internet and T . V . ; she uses a smart phone . We chatted a bit , then I stepped back into my place . Betty called just then and we had no sooner said hello than my phone went dead . AAGH ! I called her back on the cell phone and after we talked , I went through the same horrible routine of calling , being put on hold for interminable times , then being told they 'd come on Monday . When I squawked about this , I was switched to repair and told the wait would be three minutes . By the clock , I waited 14 , then hung us . What 's horribly confusing is that now the lack of a dial tone is sporadic - - sometimes I have one and sometimes I don 't . Also , when I use my cell to call , it doesn 't ring at all . I give up . Posted by Got to the blood place at 6 : 40 , which was twenty minutes early , but they took me in about five minutes . Home for breakfast , then putzed around ( one of my husband 's favorite sayings ) , which includedSwiffering the hard floors and doing stuff on the computer . Finally connected with brother Jim and we chatted on family matters - - benign ones - - for a time . Also got a call from Sue , who invited me to lunch and to see the tall sips in Ventura Habor , which we 'll do today . Showered and changed after lunch to get to Suz ' es office at 1 : 30 . We had a good session . Cheryl Heitmann . , who was just re - elected to City Council * , joined us and we went over the " Senior Citizens Strategic Plan . " Cheryl is a good friend of Suz ' es ( I can 't help it , she uses " Suz , " pronounced to rhyme with " ooze " and I don 't know how else to make it possessive ) and I like and admire her a lot . We added a fair amount that we 'd like to see happen for senior citizens ( odious expression ) , which in this context is defined as 50 or over . Damn , that makes all four of my children seniors . My contribution included a dating service - - well , why not ? Cheryl rushed off to another obligation after an hour , but I stayed until 4 : 00 . Suz is a big talker and full of exuberant life . She 's 69 , looks maybe ten years younger , and has had cancer three times , the last two years ago . She 's gone through chemo often and lost her hair several times . It 's grown back and she wears it very short , which is a great look on her . She dresses just exactly the way I would if I had her figure ( slim , of course ) : lots of black and white , a little red thrown in and there , vibrant green notes sometimes . She was widowed , then remarried and as we chatted , referred to " my dead husband " and " my live husband . " When I got home , I wanted to look something up and found the keyboard didn 't type . AAGH ! Oh , no ! A catastrophe ! I scooped the damn thing up , put it in a cloth bag , and rushed off to Office Max . The kid at the cash register turned it over , found the battery case - - I didn 't realize it had batteries - - which he showed me , I drove over to WinCo , bought some AAAs , put them in , and it works - - yay ! * She 's been on the Council since 2011 and has been mayor of Ventura . That office is appointed from within the Council ; not sure if it 's on a rotating basis . I was amazed to get a letter from Penney 's to the effect that they were rescinding my credit card because of the mix up over my December bill . I don 't care much about the credit card , but I didn 't want it to lower my credit rating , which is excellent . After explaining and being on hold and so on , they capitulated and said they 'd reinstate it ; also , it won 't tarnish my credit rating . Heard from those in the Far East that they 'd been here the last week in March - - yay ! Brother Jim called , but I missed it as , for some reason , he persists in calling my cell . Often , I don 't even have it with me or it 's in the other room and I don 't hear it . Will call him today . Went to the libary and picked up a few items ( even though I haven 't finished all of the last batch ) . Aside from that , I did a lot of computer stuff . This afternoon , I 'll meet with Council for Seniors chair and director of the county VACE , Suz M . , to plan strategy ; I 'm a little vague about that . She e - mailed a proposed letter for the editors we 're inviting to address a meeting and - - gee , it 's pretty lame : has some typos and is written in an awkward style . I revised it and will - - gently - - suggest the changes is she seems receptive . Must close , as I have a ( routine ) blood test at 7 : 00 . The widder lunch was yesterday and Nancy had planned to go . Unfortunately , she e - mailed me to say there was rain and fog in Oakview , which she didn 't want to drive in , and I don 't blame her . I e - mailed her back and she then called to say she thought the weather had improved , so she had gotten dressed , but it was socked in again , so darn - - she wasn 't able to go . I got there - - to Marie Callendar 's - - at noon . Nine of us attended if you include the one who stays under the table ( Titus , Chuck 's dog ) . There was a new woman , who said she 's been widowed only a month , and we all welcomed her . I was pleased to see my friend , Joyce , come in , too . She 's preparing for her permanent move to Colorado in April and is , of course , caught up with getting rid of things . Had the Santa Fe salad , which was okay , if not great , and my usual Blue Moon schooner . Chatted with Susan , who is going to Cuba on a " People to People " excursion in April . Boy , I 'm green with envy - - I 'd go in a heartbeat if I could . Went home after and changed , then drove into town and looked for some additional items for Mr . K . Didn 't find anything , but was glad to walk a mile or two . When I got home , I called Nancy to tell her how it went and we confirmed our date for lunch and mimosas on Saturday . She suggested we see a movie after , and she 'll look up the one about the female black scientist people keep telling me I 'll like . While I was having lunch , Jim D . called from Texas to tell me that his wife , Lu , had died : she had been diagnosed with cancer only three months ago . I met Lu only once , when she and Jim were visiting in Jersey just before I left for California . We met for breakfast in Galloway on their way back to Texas and I gave him the letters he had sent me sixty some years ago . I thought Lu was a sweet person - - very quiet , unlike her husband . Jim said he didn 't have Betty 's number , but when I asked if he wanted it , he said he 'd rather I called her . I did and during our conversation she said Jim had told her he married Lu because he knew that she , Betty , wouldn 't marry him ( HUH ? ) . El and I had our pedicures and I enjoyed our short time together , as ever . She went home to straighten her hair ( my daughters are weird - - I 'd kill for the hair they have , thanks to their father ) and I went home to prepare for dinner at Suzanne 's . That turned out to be very enjoyable . She served potato soup ( made to order at Von 's , she said , and it was superb ) , and a kale and cranberry salad , with just some hard cheese and Italian bread in addition . It was not at all elaborate , but everything was just delicious and , happy day , she uncorked a nice Merlot with it . We had baked apples for dessert - - a lovely meal . We talked and talked . I heard all about her Templeton , Iowa childhood , including the fact that her grandfather had been a bootlegger during prohibition . He got three months in jail , but was friends with the sheriff and was let out for special occasions , such as picnics and holidays . He and his cronies distilled " Templeton rye " and there 's a book called Gentlemen Bootleggers that tells the story . Suzanne also showed me a personal book her relative had compiled for her fiftieth anniversary in the Sisters of Mercey , showing some of her in her habit . However , she never wore the old - fashioned kind that I grew up with , but a shorter version with a more revealing ( of her hair ) veil . Anyway , I greatly enjoyed getting to know her better and think we 'll be good friends . ' Twas a pretty slow day . I spent a lot of time on still more picture handling . I had bought a four opening frame , for which I searched out , trimmed , then mounted , pictures of my four children in caps and gowns when they graduated from college . Pared and cored the Golden Delicious apples , added spices , and put them in the crock pot with the pork loin . Went out after lunch , meaning to stroll around town , but it was so jammed and there were no open parking places , so I drove away . Stopped at a store and got a teddy bear and little book for K . ; I want to have some toys and things for him . Stopped at Smart ' n ' Final , meaning to get mostly cottage cheese and oranges . Bought several other things and forgot the cottage cheese - - darn ! One of the good things about living alone is being able to eat dinner whenever you want . When I got home , the pork and apples smelled so good , I checked to see if they were cooked . They were , and at 3 : 00 o ' clock , I ate - - delish ! Hey , you can eat at three a . m . , if you want . Went out after just for a drive and that was pretty much my day - - the interesting parts , that is ( HA ! ) . Carpentaria As I was leaving to meet Sue at SCAN , Suzanne next door came out and we chatted . We agreed we wanted to see more of each other - - she works part - time and I 'm out a lot - - so we 'll pursue that ( and see later ) . Met Sue and we put some of my possible consignment stuff in her red cruiser and sped off to Carpenteria . ( It 's only about fifteen miles away on the Pacific Coast Highway . ) It was rainy and misty , which half - hid the hills and made them mysteriously interesting . Got to Peggy 's Hidden Treasures in good time and Sue introduced me to the owners , Wendy , and her husband , whose name I don 't remember . What nice people they are and what a terrific shop it is . It 's very tastefully laid out , with the goods - - jewelry , antiques , and other collectibles - - in showcases and white shelves . It 's all of top quality and while Sue showed Wendy what she had brought , I browsed . I saw a necklace with purple stones that I would kill for - - well , I would have to , to be able to afford the price tag . After Sue 's business was finished , I brought my stuff in , mostly pictures . I was surprised when Wendy gently turned down the needlepoint pictures , in oval frames , but she said people just don 't want them up anymore . She did take a picture of hand - painted flowers , as well as a primitive cloth piece I bought years ago from a professor at Rider who knew poor women in Columbia who made them . I had also brought some coins and the husband examined them while we went to eat . Sue asked for a recommendation for lunch and Wendy mentioned a place nearby . On the way home , Sue took me to see the " oil spill , " which , it seems , leaks out of the ground , but where we drove in was restricted or something . We arrived back at SCAN about 2 : 30 , and parted . I went immediately to the Bonaventure and saw Mary and Sam , manager and sales manager . I made clear there was no animosity on my part , but that they should know their resident - - or maybe several residents - - resented outsiders ' presence at events . I was honest about the fact that I would almost surely never move there . I suggested they may want to bring this up in residents ' meetings . Anyway , I think they appreciated that I was up front about it . I found a note from Suzanne on my door when I got home , inviting me to dinner on Sunday . I knocked on her door and accepted the invitation with thanks . Posted by Good grief , I spent virtually the entire day on a project ! A few months ago , I had bought a large frame - - five feet by three feet - - with 21 openings for snapshots . I decided to reserve it for only my immediate family - - children , grandchildren , great - grands , and their spouses . Trying to find and sometimes copy the right number for each and the right size and the right orientation ( horizontal or vertical ) was an incredible chore . In the middle of the first part of my ordeal , I realized I didn 't have photo paper . Went to Office Max to get some . I picked up the least expensive 8 ' x 10 " for $ 9 . 99 , which was also two for the price of one . Foolishly , I chose a packet of smaller ones , and saw after I opened them that 1 . ) I already have that size and 2 . ) I don 't know how to have my printer use the smaller ones , anyway . I had torn the damn things open , so couldn 't take them back , but went to Staples to get more larger ones . I told the guy there I didn 't know how to feed in the smaller ones ( although that was the size I wanted ) and he said he 'd show me how . " What kind of printer do you have , " he asked . " Hewlett Packer , " I said , and he showed me how to do it . When I got home , I saw that my printer is a Canon and I still couldn 't feed in the smaller size . Rushed out to Wal - Mart , got more , then spent another several more hours putting the damn thing together . I worked on it from 9 : 30 to almost 5 : 00 ! But hey , it looks really nice . Got an e - mail from Carole to the effect that she can 't go to Carpentaria today , as one of her ( two ) dogs is very sick and she doesn 't trust her husband to take proper care of its medications . Sherry also messaged ( when did that get to be a verb ? ) me , asking about the Bonaventure misadventure ( ha ! ) , and I filled her in . * Couldn 't resist ! Pictures From An Institution was a comedic novel published in 1954 on the machinations behind the scenes of faculty and others at a large U . S . university . Fiction , but it struck a bell at Rider - - faculty are a breed apart , that 's a cinch . Posted by The hall isn 't bad . It 's not as new as the museum , I guess , but it seems somehow more intimate and - - well , I don 't know , I guess " homey " is the word . Anyway , I was told that , unlike at the museum , they set up the tables and even provided blue tablecloths . Sue and Carole got there shortly after , as did Sherry and Sue 's friend , Ida . The program was by the director of the Maritime Museum in Oxnard ( I 've been there ) and was well done . We all agreed we 'd like to go before too long . Carole will go with Sue and me to the consignment shop in Carpetaria tomorrow ; I must look for things I want to consign . We also talked about another casino excursion , possibly next week . It was only 11 : 00 when the meeting was over and we had had coffee and a light breakfast ; in my case , just half a bagel with cream cheese and some fruit . I dislike sweet things early in the day and most of what is usually brought are muffins , and even cookies and brownies . Nevertheless , when Sue suggested lunch , I was in . I mentioned Stephen 's , the Greek restaurant , and that 's where we went , but just Sue , her friend , Ida , and me . Sue and I had sausage on gyros - - I was surprised that she knew what some of the menu items listed in Greek were , until she said she had waitressed years ago in a Greek restaurant . We parted at 12 : 30 and I went home to do the laundry thing . I had neglected it too long and had a large load , but got it done reasonably quickly . Betty called to tell me that Westminster was moving to the main campus in Lawrenceville - - hmm , too bad . Went to WinCo for this and that , then to the library to drop off a few things . I 'm still listening to the scientist , Richard Dawkins , who 's speaking on biological topics . I 'm surprising myself that I enjoy it , although I don 't understand some of the terms . I got to my noon hair appointment early , but no prob , as Amanda came in shortly thereafter . I like the way Amanda colors and cuts ; what 's more , I like Amanda . We have a good time , talking easily together , and having a few laughs , too . I greatly dislike having my hair done - - never did like it , as I get antsy just sitting there that long . It makes it bearable to have a compatible stylist doing the deed , which I have in Amanda and I appreciate it . Went home for lunch , then to Jessica Nails for a manicure . All the employees there are Vietnamese . In fact , all the employees at the nail place I went to in Jersey are Vietnamese , too . Maybe all the hairdressers in the country - - on the face of the earth , even - - are Vietnamese . In any event , since I 've been to Vietnam , I like talking to them . Yesterday , I had a lovely woman - - fiftyish , I guess - - named Diane . I 'm going to ask for her when I make an appointment for a pedicure ( another event I greatly dislike ) . After , I went to The Avenue , which was having a big sale . Their clothes are very pricey , it seems to me , but when you 're over a certain size , I think they 're just tops . Anyway , I got a spiffy jacket ( black with silver buttons and trim ) , a long shirt ( sort of silky , with silver trim ) , and a red and black top . Altogether , they came to only forty - five bucks . Considering how good they look , that was a bargain . |
1 Reply Our granddaughter , Lainey , is through with high school and also had the day off work on Thursday . After lunch on Thursday , we took some time to have a discussion on safe handling of firearms in preparation for a trip to the gun range . Back in the 90s , I was a certified Washington State Hunter Safety instructor . I also taught a class at Darrington High School on safe handling of firearms . The focus of the class was how to handle a firearm and also to recognize unsafe handling if you are ever in situation where someone is showing a gun . After going through the safety lesson , we went to Norpoint Gun Range , about three miles from here . Lainey got to shoot a handgun for the first time . She found it much harder to shoot accurately than she imagined - it 's not like on TV ! Donna also practiced and I had my share of rounds down range . Altogether we went through 250 rounds of ammo . Lainey had fun learning to handle a gun . I think it 's an important skill to have . Anyone can can encounter firearms and if you don 't have a clue about how to safely handle or operate one , it can have tragic results . There was another project I 'd been putting off since we arrived here at my daughter Alana 's house in Arlington , Washington . The cord for the pull start on her lawn mower broke and needed to be replaced . I wasn 't putting it off so much as I was waiting for a day that wasn 't dark , dreary and raining . Working on the mower in a dark , cold garage wasn 't my preference - I was hoping for a sunny day to tackle the job in the driveway . The weather took a turn for the better Thursday afternoon . I dove into the lawn mower repair . Replacing the pull - start cord seemed like a simple task at first glance . Well , as usual I had to start peeling the onion . First I took the plastic cover off the top of the Briggs and Stratton engine . Then I found the sheet metal housing for the starter pulley was riveted in place . I was hoping for sheet metal screw or bolts . I 'm sure the rivets are used because it makes manufacturing simpler - no tapping threads for bolts and not enough clearance for screws . Once I drilled out the rivets and had the starter pulley assembly in hand , I could see this may be challenging . I needed to wind the recoil mechanism of the starter pulley to tension it and then feed the pull - cord through two holes . Holding the assembly - which comprised the sheet metal housing , pulley and internal recoil spring - upside down in my hand , I didn 't pay enough attention to which way it was winding . It only provided sufficient spring tension in one direction , so I tensioned it and used a small punch tool to hold it in place while I installed the cord . Sounds simple , but the cord was a little frayed and nearly impossible to pass through the two holes I needed to get it through . I tried cutting it clean and using a little super glue to stiffen it . No go . Then I used a length of safety wire and attached the wire with the thought of pulling the rope through . I got about halfway through then it was stuck . I had to use a small punch and hammer to get it through . I temporarily attached the assembly with two rivets - instead of all four - to try it out . No go . The spring didn 't pull the start cord back - it was turning the pulley in the wrong direction . By then I was through . I figured it was best to attack it fresh on Friday morning . The weather forecast for the next several days is good . On Friday morning , I got after the mower project again . I drilled out the rivets I 'd installed the day before and went through the assembly steps again . This time I worked the recoil spring in the right direction , but it didn 't feel right . When I turned counter - clockwise as I should , it would provide some tension then it seemed to slip . In a clockwise direction , it increased tension with every turn . Puzzling to me . I managed to get the rope holes aligned with the peak tension in a counter - clockwise direction and went through the agonizing steps of threading the rope again . This time I got a little smarter and wrapped the frayed end of the rope with tape , then cut through the tape with a knife to make a clean , tight end . I put it all together and installed two rivets to test it . No go . It wouldn 't reel in the pull - starter cord . There wasn 't sufficient tension . I took it all apart again . This time I went deeper and pulled the pulley assembly down to it 's component pieces . I found the problem . The spring inside the assembly was shot . Apparently when the pull - start cord broke , the pulley assembly rewound without any resistance and the spring was damaged . The spring is supposed to be a flat section of spring steel wound like a main spring on a mechanical watch . What I saw was a spring folded back on itself with random wavy areas . I went to Arlington to the mower shop there - about two miles away . They didn 't have the part . They said they usually stock it and would have some on Tuesday . No good . We will leave on Monday and there 's no way Alana can reassemble what I took apart . The guy there told me the only other possibility was 20 miles away at The Shop in Mount Vernon . I called The Shop in Mount Vernon , but only got voice mail . I took a chance and rode the Spyder up there . It was a beautiful day with the temperature in the 70s under blue skies . I went up SR9 to Lake McMurray , enjoying the sunshine and views all the way . This two - lane highway meanders through woods and the traffic was very light . From there I went west and up I - 5 to Mount Vernon . While I was working on the mower , I had another strange thing occur . In my last post , I ranted about Amazon not making good on a guaranteed delivery date . They offered me options for return and refund , but I thought it best to wait and see before I took up the offer for refund . Friday morning I looked at the tracking info again and it showed out for delivery - scheduled for Monday June 26th . This didn 't make sense to me . If it was out for delivery , why wouldn 't it deliver that day ? Well , the UPS guy showed up while I was working on the mower . He had two large boxes on a handcart and two smaller ones . I recognized one of the smaller ones as something I 'd ordered , the other was for Alana . The two large boxes turned out to be an error as they were addressed to someone else . He said , " Wait , I must have grabbed the wrong boxes , I show two more at this address . " He came back with the tires I ordered for Donna that were guaranteed to arrive Friday but showed they would arrive on Monday . Apparently it was a problem with the UPS tracking - the tires arrived on time . Donna was out with Alana while I was working on the mower . They stopped at the computer repair place where the guy transferred the data from her hard drive to an external drive so she can easily set up a new laptop . Then they shopped at WinCo and Costco . We have another sunny day ahead and the temperature should reach the 80s . Donna and I plan to meet Sini for lunch in Edmonds . I need to start prepping the trailer for travel . We plan to pull out Monday and head over the North Cascade Highway to Winthrop for our next stop . Leave a reply I haven 't posted for a few days as I haven 't had much to say . Sunday was a cloudy day with periods of rain . My middle daughter , Jamie , along with her significant other , Francisco and family hit the road . They planned to go back to Texas via California so they could visit Francisco 's cousin along the way . It was great having some time together and hanging with her family . Monday was another gloomy day . There was a thick , low overcast ceiling . Although some sunlight penetrated the cloud cover , it was diffuse light and the clouds were so thick you really couldn 't pinpoint the position of the sun . A light mist fell most of the day punctuated by occasional large rain drops . In the evening , we went over to my ex - wife 's house for dinner . LuAnn grilled fish burgers and also had hot dogs for the kids . We had a send - off for my youngest daughter , Shauna , as she had a red - eye flight back to Washington D . C . Tuesday 's weather was more of the same . The daily high temperature only hit 64 degrees - a few degrees cooler than the previous days . With the damp mist it feels colder than recorded . My oldest daughter , Alana , had to report back to work after having six days off . She was back to 12 - hour shifts in the emergency room at Providence Hospital in Everett . I spent most of my time indoors reading books . I don 't get on very well with the sunless , wet weather . Donna managed to get in a couple of bike rides when the rain stopped for a couple of hours . Donna had another laptop mishap Sunday night when her wine glass toppled right into the keyboard of her laptop . It was up and running at the time but shut itself down . We let it sit and dry out for a couple of days but couldn 't get it to work . It sounded like the hard drive was spinning and we could see the power indicator light up , but the screen remained dark . On Tuesday afternoon when we had a break in the rain - it was still misty out - we rode the Spyder to a computer repair place in Marysville . The guy there was able to get the laptop to boot up using a remote keyboard and monitor . We took this as a good sign . He said oftentimes when liquid is spilled into the keyboard it remains there as the bottom of the keyboard has a plastic liner . If that was the case , he could replace the keyboard and check everything out and she would be back in business . We crossed out fingers and left the laptop with him for an assessment . Wednesday morning the cloud cover persisted . The computer repair guy called with bad news . Liquid had damaged the motherboard and fried a cable for the display . It wouldn 't be cost effective to repair the laptop . Meanwhile I was having a couple of customer service challenges . I needed to replace the jack on our cargo trailer . If you 've been reading my posts you might remember how I mis - judged the severity of a dip at the Elks lodge driveway in Palmdale and damaged our jack when it dragged on the pavement . I called the TrailersPlus outfit in Marysville Tuesday to see if they had a replacement jack . When I asked the person on the phone for the parts department , I was put on hold for a minute . When they came back on the line they said there was no answer in Marysville as everyone was tied up with customers . They took my number and said someone would call me back shortly . I realized I wasn 't talking to someone in Marysville , I was talking to the TrailersPlus call center , wherever that may be . A few hours later , I hadn 't received a call back so I phoned again . This time I was told the Marysville store is extremely busy and they 're operating on reduced hours . Really ? When the store is extremely busy you shorten the hours of operation ? He said it was necessary so they could handle paperwork and not be serving customers all the time . Wow ! What kind of business model is that ? After lunch on Wednesday , I borrowed our granddaughter Lainey 's car . I had to pick up Donna 's laptop and I also wanted to see if I could find a jack for the trailer . I stopped at an RV and trailer supply store nearby in Arlington . They had jacks but not the one I needed . I was told they would have it on Thursday if I wanted to come back . The price was $ 61 . After I picked up Donna 's laptop , I stopped at TrailersPlus since I was nearby . I went in the front entrance and found an empty lobby area . I looked around and found a couple of empty offices . I walked through a door into the shop area . Outside the shop , I saw a couple of guys shooting the breeze and smoking . They asked me if I needed something . I told them what I was looking for and one of the guys said he would get someone to help me . A couple of minutes later , he came back with another guy that motioned for me to follow him . We went back into the front lobby area . I told him what I was looking for . He hit a few keys on a computer and told me he had the jack and it was $ 29 . Deal . I bought the jack and a new sand pad - the old pad was bent when the jack dragged . While he was entering the sale , I heard the phone ringing on three occasions . It was ignored by everyone . A few employees walked in and out of the lobby area but as far as I could tell no one was doing anything useful . This store is definitely in need of competent management . When I came home , I was able to change out the jack in short order . I was a little leery of the threads tapped into the frame for the jack mount . The mounting bolts took a mighty whack when the jack was pulled across the pavement . I used thread locking compound and was careful not to over tighten the jack mounts . The other customer service story was totally unexpected . On Monday , I ordered a new set of tires for Donna 's bike with my Amazon Prime account . At checkout , before I proceeded to finalize the order , I confirmed the shipping info . It said " Delivery Guaranteed Friday June 23 . " I placed the order . I received an e - mail Wednesday from Amazon telling me the order had shipped and it had tracking information . When I tracked it , the arrival date was Monday , June 26th ! We are booked at the Pine Near RV Park in Winthrop on Monday . I called Amazon customer service . The representative I talked to definitely wasn 't a native English speaker . I was pretty sure I was talking to someone in India and his accent was so heavy , I had to ask him to repeat his question a few times . He couldn 't get the address I gave him or the order number right - he kept transposing the numbers and I had to repeat the info several times . It made me think of the times I was in Germany and tried to communicate with my rudimentary language skills - I think the phrase I most often used was " nochmal langsam bitte " or " repeat slowly please . " After we got through my account information - which took about 15 minutes - I explained the problem with the order and the delivery guarantee . He put me on hold a couple of times saying " Please on hold " and returning with the phrase " Thank you for on hold . " He said I would receive the items on Monday . I explained again how that wouldn 't work for me and they had guaranteed Friday delivery . He said it was " in shipment " and nothing could be done . I hung up frustrated . On Wednesday afternoon , the skies cleared and we had bright sunshine . Donna rode south on the Centennial Trail and got 26 miles in . The forecast calls for much warmer temperatures with highs in the 80s by the weekend . This is more like the weather we 're used too - just in time for us to prepare to leave . 1 Reply When we pulled out of Lake Shastina Tuesday morning , we vowed to return for longer stay in the future . It 's such a beautiful and quiet setting . Our route took us north on Big Springs Road to County Road A12 - also called the 97 - 99 Cutoff . This took us west to I - 5 . We were surprised at the number of large houses we passed along the way . I wondered aloud where the money was coming from and whether these were primary residences or vacation homes . It 's a pretty remote area . We drove north through Yreka and crossed the border into Oregon . A few miles past the border , we reached the Siskiyou Mountain Summit - this is the highest point on I - 5 at 4 , 310 feet . Once we were over the pass , we hit a seven - mile 7 % downgrade . We dropped over 2 , 300 feet of elevation . I was thanking Jacobs Engineering for their marvelous engine compression brake - affectionately known as a Jake brake . The Jake brake on our Cummins ISL engine has two settings - low and high . By toggling back and forth between the two , I was able to control our downhill speed without using the regular service brakes - I only stabbed at the brake pedal a couple of times when we approached tight curves in the road . We passed through Ashland and Medford . The interstate has a series of summits as it undulates through the mountains . We would quickly climb a thousand feet or so , then immediately drop back down only to repeat the process time and again . We crossed both the south and north Umqua River . North of Roseburg , we pulled off at Sutherlin - a small town on the North Umpqua River . Our destination was the SKP Timber Valley RV Park . As Escapees members , we were able to dry camp in the park for a five - dollar fee . A park member served as the welcome wagon and stopped by to drop off gifts . She gave us a cat toy made by someone in the park and Ozark the cat loves it . The toy has a wild turkey feather sewn in . We saw a couple of turkeys as we entered the park . We had a quiet night but after sunrise , I woke up several times to the sound of turkeys gobbling . After slumbering for a while longer , I got out of bed . I saw wild turkeys strutting in the street in front of our coach . I went outside as they were moving away from us and tried to get closer to them . Wild turkeys are usually very wary creatures and it 's not often that you can approach them . These turkeys were obviously used to people in the park and came out of the woods to forage around - they didn 't seem too afraid of people . Cruising along on the flat terrain , I noticed our transmission temperature seemed abnormally high . It was running around 210 degrees . The engine coolant temperature stayed normal - ranging from 180 to 195 on climbs and staying around 182 - 184 on the flat stretch of road . I thought it was odd . After a while , the transmission temperature started to increase again . When it reach 220 degrees , I became concerned . There was a rest stop a few miles away . By the time we pulled off at the rest stop it was at 224 degrees - much higher than I 've ever seen in the past . With the engine idling and the transmission in neutral , the temperature quickly dropped to 184 degrees . I used the Allison transmission key pad to check the fluid level and interrogate the control unit for trouble codes . The fluid level was fine and no diagnostic trouble codes were recorded . I found my Allison manual and read through it . It said high temperature is worrisome when the sump temperature exceeds 250 degrees , so we were still in safe territory . However , it wasn 't making sense to me . Why was the transmission running that hot when the engine temperature remained normal and there wasn 't any reason for the drive train to be under more stress than normal ? We got back on I - 5 and continued on our way . The transmission temperature remained normal for several miles , then started climbing again . When it reached 211 degrees , I shifted down from sixth gear to fifth gear . The temperature dropped to 204 degrees . I still can 't make sense of this . As we approached Portland , I shifted back into drive and the transmission temperature stayed in the 190s . Driving through Portland , Oregon is one of my least favorite drives - it ranks right up there with Seattle . We hit I - 84 on the south side of the Columbia River and followed it to I - 205 . This took us over the Columbia River and into Washington . We pulled into the Vancouver Washington Elks lodge around 2 : 30pm . We plan to boondock here for two nights . Our thinking was Donna could get some bicycle mileage in here - she bicycled when we stayed here last year . While we were driving , Donna had a beef stew in the crock pot . The aroma was wonderful ! After we set up and paid for two nights , we took a walk to the Fred Meyer Supermarket about a half mile from here . The crock pot stew continued to simmer . Then we went into the lodge for a cold one . When we came back to the coach , I was reading a book when I thought to check the battery condition . Oh no ! The inverter was powering the crock pot from the house batteries and I had run them below 12 volts ! I went to start the generator but it was dead . Hitting the start button did nothing . I started our engine to put some juice back into the batteries from the alternator . I still couldn 't get anything from the generator start button . It didn 't make sense to me , we had run the generator that morning without any issues . I went out checked the connections at the battery bank . Sure enough , the cable that runs up to generator had corroded and pulled out of the connector . Leave a reply We were invited to join fellow Alpine Coach owners Dessa and Frank Halasz at their coach for a small gathering Monday night . I wasn 't feeling up to par after suffering from dehydration in the afternoon , so Donna went without me . She rode the Spyder over to their site at the far end of the park before sundown , around 7pm . She returned a little past 9pm and said she had a heck of a time riding home . It 's very dark in that section of the park so when she first started out , she thought maybe her eyes just needed to adjust to the darkness after being inside in bright light . She tried the high beams , hoping to shed more light , but that didn 't change anything . It took her awhile to navigate the unfamiliar park roads , but she eventually found her way home . She told me that she thought something must be wrong with the Spyder 's headlights . I went outside and checked it out . She was right - the tail lights and running lights worked , but no headlights . I needed to do something about that - I wouldn 't want us to be caught out in the dark . For some reason the Jesse Colin Young song Darkness , Darkness came to mind . Tuesday morning we played pickleball here at the Escapees Park of the Sierras . We quit before noon and it was another hot day . After lunch , I looked at the headlight situation on the Spyder . First I checked out the 30amp headlight fuse . Looking at the manual , I saw tail lights and running lights were on a separate circuit from the headlights . The fuse was fine so I moved on to the next check . I read the shop manual instructions for bulb removal and it seemed pretty straightforward . Simply remove the instrument panel , then take the cover off the rear of the bulb housing . Twist the bulb holder counter - clockwise and it should come out . Easy , right ? The instrument panel snaps in place with plastic tabs . You 're supposed to depress the tabs with a screwdriver and gently lift the panel out . Okay , except you need a screwdriver that 's less than an inch long or else it 'll hit the windshield ! I took an old pocket screwdriver and modified it for this task . With the instrument panel out , I could reach into the body work to remove the headlight bulbs . However , the instrument panel opening is fairly small . My hands aren 't especially large , but they 're not small either . I wear an XL glove size . Once I had the rear cover off , I needed to twist the bulb holder and unplug the H7 halogen bulb . This took a lot of effort . The headlight housing is like a monkey paw trap . I could get my hand in there , but once I wrapped my fingers around the bulb holder my hand was trapped against the inside of the housing . Also my wrist was against the edge of the instrument panel opening - not too comfortable . I tried different approaches standing on either side of the Spyder . Eventually I managed to get the bulb out . The headlight bulb was burned out . I didn 't bother removing the left side bulb at this point , I assumed that both bulbs were bad . A while back , Sini told me she thought one of our headlights was out . I didn 't think so - I thought the headlights only used one bulb on low beam and both on high beam . Some motorcycles are set up this way . It turns out that both bulbs should be illuminated at all times . High beams are actuated by a solenoid that adjusts the reflector in the headlight assembly . When I returned , I went back to work . Accessing the left bulb was tighter than the right side ! There 's a wiring harness behind the bulb housing that makes removing the rear cover and the bulb holder nearly impossible . I 'm sure the factory assembles the headlights on a bench , then installs the body work and instrument panel on the vehicle . To do it the way the factory assembled it would mean removing the windshield , the instrument panel and all of the associated front end body work . It would be a large task . So , I continued the monkey paw game in the 100 - degree heat . I had to take care not to touch the glass bulb - halogen bulbs run hot and any oils from your fingers will cause them to fail . After a while persistence paid off and I had both bulbs changed . Getting the bulb holders back in place was another test of patience . Eventually I got it done . But I would like to have five minutes with the person that designed this set up . I 'm guessing it was an engineer that got a mechanical engineering degree because of an aptitude for math . Obviously they had never serviced or repaired anything in their life ! I spent the rest of the afternoon cooling off inside with a book . Before dinner , Donna and I took a cruise around the park on the Spyder . This is a large property with several loops through five sections . We took a look at Coarsegold Creek where it crosses a golf cart path - the creek is running strong and with the large Sierra Nevada snow pack I imagine it 'll run strong through the summer months . We played pickleball again this morning . We expect another hot afternoon with the temperature exceeding 90 degrees . Tomorrow is supposed to be cooler . We 'll head out early tomorrow to visit Yosemite National Park . 2 Replies Our last week in San Diego was filled with the usual activities and then some . I hit the pickleball courts and happy hours at Offshore Tavern and Grill and Dan Diego 's . In addition to getting some writing done , Donna got in some cycling and also attended a beach workout sponsored by San Diego Magazine . In my last post , I described the dead end I hit trying to change out Sini 's kitchen faucet . After discussing the issue with my friends Mark and Paul - both have earned their living as plumbers their entire adult lifetimes - they came to the same conclusion . I would have to cut the frozen brass nut off of the old faucet with a sawzall reciprocating saw to remove it . I had two problems with this . First - I don 't have a sawzall . Second , I would most likely damage Sini 's sink if I used a sawzall on the faucet nut . I hated to do it , but I had to tell Sini I wouldn 't be able to complete the job . On Friday night , Donna , Sini and I went to Offshore Tavern and Grill . We were joined by Sini 's friends , Larry and Cindy , who were visiting from Washington . We ordered dinner from the happy hour menu - Sini and Donna went for the poke plate while Larry and Cindy had carne asada tacos . I went for the seared yellowfin tuna - delicious . We left Offshore around 7pm and headed over to Tio Leo 's - a Mexican restaurant and bar a few miles south of Offshore . We met up with our friends , Carole Sue and Mona , there . It was my night out with the girls . The Siers Brothers Band was playing at Tio Leo 's . This was the second time we saw this band - we saw them at the end of April at the Beachcomber . This time they had another member - a singer fronting the band - he did a smooth rendition of the Righteous Brothers ' You 've Lost that Loving Feeling . They were as good as before - we really enjoyed their performance and I even hit the dance floor with Donna for a couple of songs . Steve Siers and his brother Mark play guitar in the band . They trade off lead and rhythm parts . It was interesting to see their different approach and style of playing . Mark tended to be true to the original recordings and played the lead parts pretty much note for note . Steve was a little more free - form and put his own twist on the solos . It was really evident when they covered Tom Petty 's Last Dance with Mary Jane . Mark also plays hot slide guitar and really cooked on the Allman Brothers One Way Out . On Saturday , the kitchen faucet saga came to a close . Sini 's current faucet works fine - no leaks or problems - she just wanted to upgrade it . Since I couldn 't get the job done , she decided to wait on replacing it rather than hiring a plumber to do it . Meanwhile , Donna really liked the faucet Sini bought so she decided to buy it from Sini so I could install it in our coach . I replaced our faucet two years ago but Donna wasn 't entirely happy with the one I put in . There wasn 't anything wrong with it , but it was too low and she didn 't like the way the sprayer functioned . The faucet Sini bought was a Delta high - rise pull - down kitchen and bar faucet . I figured it wouldn 't be too difficult to remove our faucet since it was only two years old and not corroded . Donna is happy with her new faucet . She likes the way the sprayer works and the high - rise design gives her more room in the sink . A happy ending to the faucet story . Sini will probably have her faucet changed when she returns here in the fall - she 's spending the summer up in Washington and her coach will be in storage . The weather has been a mixed bag this week . We had a few showers at the beginning of the week . The pattern has been cloudy mornings with sunshine in the afternoon . The temperature has reached the upper 60s everyday . Today may be a little cooler . I have a few things to accomplish today . We 're pulling out of here tomorrow so I 'll need to pack the trailer , check tire pressures and put away the tire covers and windshield cover . Tomorrow we 'll drive 90 miles up to Hemet where we 'll check in at Golden Village Palms RV Resort . I got a great rate on a 70 ′ pull - through site there with our Passport America discount - under $ 30 / night . 1 Reply The cooler weather forecast for Monday arrived as predicted . It was in the upper 40s in the morning when I headed over to the pickleball courts . It didn 't feel that cold though - we had abundant sunshine with clear skies and calm wind . The high temperature for the day was 68 degrees . One of the things I love about the RV lifestyle is the community . We 've met so many people and made new friends as we travel about . In some cases , we have connected with our new friends several times in different places . Our stay here in Mesa , Arizona is one of those times . On Monday afternoon , we met up with Hans Kohls and Lisa McGuire ( Metamorphosis Road ) at The Hub for happy hour and dinner . Hans and Lisa are full - time RVers and we 've crossed paths several times - most recently at Mission Bay RV Resort in San Diego . Since we both like to spend the winter months in southern California and Arizona , we often find ourselves in the same areas at the same time . We sampled some good beers - stouts for the girls and IPA for Hans and me . We sat and talked for about two hours and the time flew by . Today they 're moving from Lost Dutchman State Park in Apache Junction to McDowell Mountain Regional Park - about 40 miles away . Last night , before Donna went to bed , she said the door on one of cabinets didn 't feel right when she closed it . The cabinets on the upper walls of the living room / kitchen have small spring - loaded struts that hold them fully open and keep them closed . When she opened the cabinet door this morning , one of the struts was detached from the door . The strut attaches to mounting points with rivets . I have several replacement strut assemblies that I picked up a couple of years ago , but I decided to repair this one since it was a quick and easy repair . I 'll save the replacements for times when a strut sacks out and loses spring tension to hold the door open . * Just so you know , if you follow one of my links to Amazon and decide to make a purchase , you pay the same price as usual and I 'll earn a few pennies for the referral . It 'll go into the beer fund . Thanks ! 2 Replies Steve and John put the finishing touches on the paint job Wednesday morning . For good measure , Steve painted the latch handles on the basement compartment doors . This gave it a crisper overall look - I think I 'll paint the latches on the other side of the coach . Then Dave took over and installed the window awning and slide topper . With that done , we moved to the wash bay at 3pm for the last step in the process . They washed the coach while I settled the bill in the office . We headed out around 3 : 30pm . Donna rode the Spyder while I drove the coach and we met at Mike Hall 's house . I hooked up our trailer and we pulled out - Donna was following on the Spyder . It didn 't make sense to load the Spyder in the trailer for a trip of a few miles only to unload it again . We pulled in to Viewpoint RV Resort a little past 4pm . I told Donna to take the Spyder to our site after giving her directions . The security person wanted me to wait for an escort to take the coach there . After waiting for five minutes , I told security that I knew where I was going . She said I was supposed to have an escort , but could proceed if that 's what I wanted to do . The RV sites here are wide . I didn 't think I would have any trouble backing the trailer in . What I didn 't realize was how narrow the road was and we had a fence and structures right on the edge of the road across from our site . I made several passes before I was able to position the trailer on the concrete pad . Then I drove the coach to the end of the road and made a three - point turn to come back facing the opposite direction . I wanted to back the coach in from this direction . It was a tight squeeze with an small orange tree on the passenger side and a street light post on the driver 's side . Again the narrow road didn 't help . We had an audience of several people watching while they enjoyed happy hour . One guy - our new neighbor to the right - came out to help . The thing is , Donna and I have our system worked out . Sometimes too much help just jams us up . This was case here . In fact , he even opened the door to the coach while I was backing in so he could talk to me ! I had to jockey in and out of the site several times to position the coach . I would gain a few inches closer to the concrete pad with each pass . At one point I was extremely close to the light post . I could see in my side view mirror I only had a couple of inches when I heard a bang ! The slide topper on the bedroom slide extends a couple of inches beyond the side of the coach . It hit the post . This is the first time I 've ever hit anything with my coach . Once I finally had the coach positioned where I wanted it , we had another issue . They placed the sewer connection at the rear center of the site ! It was under the rear of the coach . I had to pull forward , attach our sewer hose , then back in over it . Otherwise I would be crawling under the coach to attach the sewer hose . Several friendly neighbors came over to chat while I was setting up . I was friendly as well , but I don 't like anything to break my set - up routine . That 's how mistakes can happen . When I put the slides out , I had a problem with the bedroom slide . It was binding after moving a few inches . There 's a stop lever on the end of the topper tube . When I hit the light post , it pushed the stop lever to the side and it was hitting the mount . After I finished the rest of the set - up and dumped our tanks , I got a ladder out of the trailer and pounded the stop lever back in place . Now the bedroom slide opened fine . Leave a reply I 'm sure you 've heard this before - the best laid plans of mice and men go awry . Well , it 's true - at least in this case . Monday morning I was optimistic about getting the job finished . I was sure we would pull out of RV Renovators no later than Tuesday , possibly even by the close of business on Monday . On Sunday , our painter , Steve , told me he had a few small touch - ups to do on Monday , then another clear coat . After that it only needed to be blocked and buffed . Izzy has some sealant to apply and the slide topper needed to be installed . Around 9am , I realized we might be in trouble . I went outside and saw John sanding the clear coat . I asked him what was up . He said he didn 't think Steve was coming in , he had called in sick . John said he was going to sand then buff the clear coat . I told him that 's not what Steve intended . I showed him a few areas that Steve wanted to touch up . I also told him Steve only applied a light clear coat to seal the paint before it rained and he was going to clear coat it again . John said he would handle it . He cut through the clear coat and masked and painted several areas . He was still working on it when I left around 3pm to go to Viewpoint RV Resort to choose our site and also inform them that I may not be out of the repair shop on Tuesday . From there , I stopped at Red , White and Brew and had a cold one with my friends Pat and Leendert . When I got back to the coach a little past 5pm , John was gone . He had sprayed clear coat and at first I thought he was done . Then I looked closer and felt sick to my stomach . The paint didn 't have small touch ups - it had major flaws now . John had screwed it up completely . Tuesday morning I had a heated conversation with the owner , Monte . I was totally frustrated . All the hard work done by Izzy , Armando and Steve had gone by the wayside . In the end , people won 't see the time and talent that went into the job - they will only judge the job by the finish applied . I 'm sure it was disappointing for Steve , too . He had to sand out the mistakes and start taping all over again . Oh well , the rest of paint on the coach isn 't perfect either . I 'm not going to lose any sleep over it at this point . I 'm hoping there are no more glitches today and we can get out of here . We 're looking forward to moving into an actual RV Resort with a patio outside our door , pickleball courts and swimming pools . I 'll have our trailer and can set up the barbeque and Traeger smoker / grill . The weather looks good for the rest of the week - highs in the mid 70s and sunny . They 're calling for rain in the area over the weekend though . Leave a reply The weekend was low key . On Saturday , Donna felt jet - lagged and had a rough feeling in her throat . She 's still feeling the effects of something she picked up on her trip to Vieques - a cold or some virus . We managed to get out for a while on the Spyder to start looking for our next place to stay . February is probably the busiest month of year for RV parks in Mesa , Arizona . Things start thinning out in mid - March . We went to Val Vista Villages first - this is a huge park with somewhere around 1600 sites and lots of pull - throughs . The pull - through sites are 100 feet long . Unfortunately , they wouldn 't have a pull - through site available until March 17th . They didn 't have anything for us unless we wanted to make a few moves over the next month . This park is part of the Cal - Am family of RV parks . They told us not to bother stopping at a couple of their other parks in the area as they are all full . So we went east on University Drive about seven miles to Viewpoint RV Resort . This is another huge place with a golf course , pickleball courts , tennis and a bar and restaurant on site . The regular rates there are high , but with our Thousand Trails membership , we qualified for their Encore rate . I booked two months there starting tomorrow , leaving on April 14th . The total bill is $ 1375 ( $ 687 . 50 / month ) plus electricity . On Sunday , we ventured out to visit our friends , Dave and Stilla Hobden . They 're fellow Alpine Coach owners who recently bought a home here in Mesa . They were on the road full - time , but decided to set up a home base and also provide affordable housing for their single - parent daughter and grandson . We had a nice visit and toured their new digs . Stilla has been under the weather and is staying home while Dave heads out to Lake Havasu for the Winter Blast Alpine Coach rally today . We were with them there at this time last year . We 're assuming we 'll be done at RV Renovators by the end of the day today or late morning tomorrow . Over the weekend , Steve the painter came by . On Saturday , he spent some time doing touch - up on the paint but couldn 't stay long due to family commitments - he 's a single parent . He came by again on Sunday and sprayed clear coat . He wanted to seal the paint job with a layer of clear as there was rain in the forecast and it looked like it could start raining at any moment . Today he needs to do a little sanding and finish the touch - up work . Then he 'll apply two more layers of clear coat . This will be followed with final sanding and buffing . Then all we need is to have the slide topper re - installed . I had a seam on the topper repaired while it was off . Another job I had them do while we were here was repainting the front lower valance . Some people call this the front bumper area , but I don 't think I would ever want to bump anything with it . A while ago , I talked to Levi about painting the lower area where there were large stone chips and some peeling paint . He said he would have a guy sand it , put down a layer of texture coat and then paint it since we already had the paint . It would be a minor job . John told me he thought having the lower valance painted in the dark brown color wasn 't right . He thought it should be the light pewter color to better match the coach . I agreed with him and told him to go ahead and change the color . You can see the brown on the lower valance in the header photo . By the end of the day on Thursday , he had it sprayed . He actually used two colors - the color we discussed and the silver 1 / 4 ″ trim color . I thought it looked good until I looked closely . There 's a light brown strip above the 1 / 4 ″ trim . I could see splotchy areas where the paint was coming off . John saw me looking at it and said the paint peeled when he pulled the masking tape . So on Friday morning , John masked the front again and applied light brown above the newly painted area . Now we have a three - color job on what was supposed to be a simple sand , texture and shoot job . John was two days into it . I talked to our service advisor , Jim . I told him how the front paint job transpired . He told me John had already told him about it . He said he instructed John to do whatever takes to make the job right and he would only bill me for the simple job we originally agreed on . Nice ! Our stay at the RV Renovators workshop is about to come to a close . We 'll be happy to settle in to a real RV resort with full hook - ups and the slides out . Donna joked that she 'll miss the banter , the singing and noise of the workers here . The rain came last night along with lightning , thunder and high winds . This morning , we have mostly cloudy skies which are supposed to move out east . The forecast looks good for the rest of the week . 1 Reply While I was watching Steve mask an area he had painted in preparation for the next color , one of the service guys stopped by . He mentioned how labor intensive repainting a coach is . I agreed with him . He told me he often gets requests from customers to do a " spot repair " on peeling clear coat . Then when he explains what 's needed to repair it right , they 're shocked at the cost . Clear coat on a two - stage paint system contains UV inhibitors to prevent the base ( color ) coat from deteriorating due to exposure to sun light . Peeling clear coat can be a indication of the base coat deteriorating . You can 't just shoot clear coat over the area and call it good . As Steve was masking , I realized I was wrong about the number of colors in our paint scheme . Earlier I said it was four colors but it 's actually five colors . I wasn 't counting the base layer that makes the 1 / 4 ″ stripe between the other colors . So what I was calling the first color was really the second color . Now the end is in sight . Steve will touch up a few spots , lightly sand the surface and apply clear coat . Once the clear is cured , it will be wet - sanded in stages with with fine grit , then buffed for a final polish . Donna made it home from her trip to Vieques around 9 : 30pm Friday night . It was a long day of travel . She had a great time there and she 's feeling refreshed after spending a week in the sun and sand - although she may have caught some kind of cold virus on her flight there . Hours of flying in a crowded airplane can spread a lot of germs . She still has a rough throat , but nothing too debilitating . We 're expecting the temperature to reach nearly 80 degrees today and tomorrow with a chance of rain moving in Sunday night . I don 't know if rain will affect the final steps of finishing the coach . I hope not . WordPress . org Shop Amazon - You pay the same price and I earn a few pennies for the referral . It 'll go into the beer fund . Want your own website ? Check Camping World for Items on Sale Untitled Page |
It 's a long one , and it 's one of those stories that could have had a very different ending if any one little detail changed . If you make it to the end , you should get a prize : ) I 'm very relieved that it all ended the way that it did with a healthy baby and mama first and second with the successful VBAC . I 'm not sure I can completely explain why it was so important to me to try for the VBAC , but before I tell the story of our newest little one 's entrance into the world , I 'm going to try . My first pregnancy , in a lot of ways was about fear . Fear that something was going to go wrong . Fear that at any moment our dream could be over . Fear that we might never be parents . Bean 's birth wasn 't much different . Our doctors instilled fear into us . They were vague about the results of our non stress tests . They made it sound like hitting 41 weeks would be dangerous . I was scared and wanted to make sure our baby made it into this world safely , so against my gut I let them induce me at 40 weeks 6 days . And as the induction went along , I slowly gave away any control that I had because I just wanted to have my baby be alive . I was so scared all along the way . Then after she was born , I was scared of what was happening to my body . I was so sick from the anesthesia and things they pumped me full of when they determined that I was anxious during the delivery , without consulting me . I was scared to move around , scared to take a shower , just really scared of how to help my body heal and take care of a little baby . It was the happiest time of my life , but there was a film of fear that covered all of it . I guess I should have taken that experience and found myself a new doctor right from the beginning this time , but honestly , I didn 't really think I had much choice . I thought I 'd end up with another c - section . So as time went by and I realized I had options , and it got farther into my pregnancy , and it seemed like my doctors were supportive , I didn 't know what else to do but just stay . Which I shouldn 't have . They were not supportive , they just claimed to be and this time around I didn 't want to be afraid all the time . I didn 't want to let them tell me how to feel just so they could make their lives easier and schedule my babies birth . I have never been in control of how my babies were created but this time I had a small shot at determining how this one came into the world and I wanted to try . That decision was made with a lot of research , thought , and discussion with medical professionals . It wasn 't taken lightly and if at any moment it looked like there was any reason to go another direction , I would have done it in an instant . Needless to say , I was relieved when I started having contractions early Tuesday morning . By mid morning they were about 5 - 8 minutes apart and I called my doctor because they wanted to be cautious and have me come in early because of the VBAC . They told me to come into the office and of course , I got to see the idiot doctor . He saw that I had a scheduled c - section on Wednesday and didn 't bother to look at or remember anything else about me , so he quickly just said they 'd send me up to the hospital and do my section that day . I quickly reminded him that I wanted to try for a VBAC , which was fine until I told him that since I went into labor , I wanted to cancel the section scheduled for Wednesday morning . He didn 't like that one bit and told me that it wasn 't safe to go past 41 weeks , that most places won 't let you go past 40 with a VBAC ( which isn 't true ) . I told him that if I hadn 't delivered by then I wanted to wait until at least the end of the week and that 's when I found out the truth . He didn 't want to wait because he didn 't want to mess up his schedule . None of my doctors were working on Friday so he said that would be impossible . I essentially told him that I didn 't care if one of my doctors was available , that I 'd take whoever was and that I wasn 't going to have the section the next day . At this point it was clear he was annoyed with me and sent me to the hospital to be monitored and discuss the rest of it . My other doctor was at the hospital when I got there and got me on a monitor to see what was going on . Of course as soon as I got there my contractions slowed down . We walked the halls for a couple hours , and in the first hour I dilated another centimeter and was at 3 . The problem was that my contractions only really picked up and got strong when I was walking around , not when I was on the monitor . So nobody really believed I was close to being in labor . My doctor wanted to break my water and start Pito . cin but I told him I didn 't want to do that , that I wanted to go home . Everyone agreed that I could but only if I came in the next morning to get checked again , so we headed home . Little did I know at that time , but they didn 't just schedule me for a check the next morning , they scheduled me for an induction , completely against my knowledge . That afternoon I did a lot of walking , bouncing on the exercise ball , essentially anything I could think of to try and get labor going faster . Nothing seemed to be working , my contractions were the same . We went to bed around 11 and a half hour later I started feeling really strange . Then I started getting nervous and worried that I was crazy for laboring at home at this point when I 'd had a previous c - section . I started to really scare myself so I called my doctors office to tell them I wanted to come back to the hospital and as I was talking to the answering service , my water broke . Which explained the weird feeling . Back to the hospital we went . Now the first important piece of the puzzle fell into place when we first got to the hospital . We were lucky enough to get an amazing nurse ( I 'll call her B ) who was fully supportive of the VBAC . She put me on the monitor for awhile and then let me walk the halls . That lasted for maybe an hour when my doctor called and found out I wasn 't on the monitor all the time and told them that I had to be . Which was discouraging . My contractions slowed when I was just sitting around and I didn 't want labor to stall . I talked to B and she said that while I had to be on the monitor , I didn 't have to be in bed . So I paced the room , bounced on the birthing ball , rocked in the rocking chair , did squats , anything I could . Every couple hours a resident would come check me and the most I dilated to during the night was 4 cm . I was discouraged . The resident kept checking in with my doctor and offering Pito . cin but I wasn 't ready yet . B offered me multiple natural methods to try to get labor going and they seemed to work in making the contractions stronger but not closer together . B also told us that our doctors group was not very VBAC friendly . That they might claim to be but then they did everything possible to try to keep it from happening . I felt like they had pulled one over on me , and I wasn 't happy about it . The next morning before B left , we talked about what to do next . I decided that when my doctor came in I would ask for some pain medicine to get some rest and then start some Pito . cin . Not a lot , just enough to see if it would help without risking anything . B headed home but said she had a shift later that night and would be back . My new nurse was just as wonderful ( we 'll call her A ) and I knew her opinion of my idiot doctor immediately when she came to " warn " us that he was on his way . I wasn 't prepared for what happened next though . He waltzed into our room , cup of coffee in hand and said " So , are you having contractions ? " Now , this is not the best question to ask a woman who has been fighting through the pain of contractions for the last 24 hours . Of course I 'm having contractions . Unfortunately , in my attempt to keep labor going , the contractions weren 't showing up on the monitor because I was moving around so much . And if it wasn 't on the monitor , then he didn 't believe it was happening . He then started ranting about how he wasn 't going to start Pito . cin , he wasn 't going to do anything . He was going to preform a c - section and that 's all there was to it . That they had given me more flexibility then they should have , that the hospital policy is for VBAC 's to not go past 40 weeks ( not true ) , that my labor was stalled at 4 cm just like my first pregnancy ( which he determined without an exam ) , that the baby was too big ( also no exam ) , and that he wouldn 't risk a rupture and the life of my baby . The way he spoke to me , took my breath away and now that I 'm a week out , I have a million things that I would have said if I had been able to think of them . Instead I told him that the last thing I would ever do would be to risk my baby and that I wanted the pain medicine so that I could get some rest and consider my options . He agreed " if I was really in that much pain " and left the room . Hubby and I just looked at each other and I started to cry . Not about the VBAC , at that point I figured that was a lost cause . I was crying because I deserved to be treated better . Just because I had somehow wounded his ego the day before , did not mean he could speak to me the way he did . I cried because the idea of having that man cut me open , made me physically ill . The idea that he would be the first one to touch my baby . Moments later A came back in to check on us . She apologized and said she hadn 't realized our doctor was in the room or she would have come with him . I finally got the guts I should have had months aAbout an hour , maybe an hour and a half later after a visit with the patient care liaison who interviewed us about what happened , some calls to some bigger chief in the hospital and coordination between my idiot doctor and the new one , we had a new doctor ( Dr . G ) . She was AMAZING . I can 't even tell you what a difference it was . First of all she actually examined me . I was at 5 cm and she said that baby wasn 't big . She looked at the monitors and all of my stats . She said that the baby and I looked great , there wasn 't any reason to stop trying for the VBAC and that she would do whatever she could to help me . She explained the idea of using Pito . cin more , talked about the risks and benefits , and let us decide what we wanted to do . I choose to go ahead with the pain medicine I had talked about earlier to get some rest , and start the Pito . cin . An hour or so later I was at 6 cm and the pain was getting pretty bad . I always wanted to try to make it through labor without an epidural but since both times I had Pito . cin , I just haven 't been able to do it . I was worried that the epidural would stall things but within an hour I was at 8 cm and another hour or so and I was at 9 1 / 2 . It took awhile after that to get to 10 and Dr . G had to head home because her shift was over and her husband was actually in the hospital , otherwise she said she would have stayed . The doctor who took over was fine though and the resident who had been with us all day was still there . Finally it was time to start pushing . Unfortunately , at this point my epidural had stopped working on one side ( the same thing happened with Bean ) and the resident realized that the baby was actually sunny side up and cocked off to the side . My temperature was also starting to rise and my water had broken about 18 hours before . I saw the look that the resident gave the doctor and I knew what it meant . She was skeptical about this actually ending as a successful VBAC and I started doubting it a bit too . They had me try pushing a few times and I was struggling . We all decided to turn off the epidural completely . I could feel everything a lot better but the pain was overwhelming . The contractions just didn 't stop . It was one continuous contraction with highs and lows . They kept telling me to push with the contraction but I couldn 't figure out when to do it . I remember crying and telling hubby that I couldn 't do it . That I 'd tried so hard but I had failed . And then out of nowhere , B came into the room . She was back for her second shift and while she clearly had other things she was supposed to be doing , she choose to stay with us instead . She told me that she wasn 't going to let me give up now , that I 'd come this far , and that I could do it . She helped me figure out how to push , and except for a time when she had to leave , I started making rapid progress . After she came back I really started moving fast . The next thing I knew , the baby was on it 's way to being delivered . I remember hearing them all telling me to push and how excited everybody was . I remember pushing so hard that she was born before they could get the doctor in the room and that I didn 't even have the chance to stop when they told me to . She came flying into the world and she was perfect in every way . I on the other had had taken a beating . I don 't know if it 's just my body or the way she was positioned , but I had a lot of tearing and it took them quite awhile to stitch me back up . Even with all that though , it was so different then after my c - section . I felt like myself , I got to hold her and nurse her and be with her from the moment she was born . I remember it all and I wasn 't afraid . It was the hardest thing I 've physically ever done , but the fear wasn 't there . The rest of our hospital stay was quite short and uneventful . Our favorite nurses stopped by to check on us and I thanked them over and over . If it hadn 't been for them , I don 't know if I would have made it . All the nurses who came in to take care of me knew about our situation and congratulated us for standing up for ourselves . The whole thing was kind of surreal . I 'm the kind of person who usually goes by unnoticed , so to have everyone on the floor know who I was , was a little strange . Dr . G agreed to take me on as a patient from here on out and I called my old doctors to get all of my records . I heard one of their voices in the hall the day after the baby was born and that 's as close as I need to come to them ever again . Today it 's a week since all this happened . A week since our new little baby was born and I 'm over the moon . Bean is an awesome big sister . There has of course been some roads bumps as she gets used to sharing us , but it 's been going well overall . I just feel like I 'm living a dream . I can 't believe that we made it through the baby making process again . I can 't believe that we 're a family of four now . But I am loving every minute of it and I have to say that feeling physically so much better this time makes it even easier to just soak in all the wonder of it . Finally , my body figured out how to do something right . LissieFebruary 14 , 2013 at 4 : 31 PMIn so glad you are feeling better this time ! ! Congrats on baby girl and on standing up for yourself ! ! ReplyDeleteJuliaFebruary 14 , 2013 at 4 : 49 PMHOORAY ! Way to go , Mama ! Good for you for standing up for yourself , and advocating for the birth that you wanted . So happy for you . :) : ) : ) ReplyDeleteEmFebruary 16 , 2013 at 12 : 50 PMThanks so much for sharing your birth story ! I 'm so glad you told the WHOLE thing . First of all , I 'm so sad and sorry about your experience with your doctor ! How awful . I cannot imagine being treated like that , especially during labor ! I teared up when I read that you requested a new doctor and that she was VBAC friendly . Hurrah ! I so admire your courage and the way you advocated for yourself and your baby . The last line about your body figuring out how to do something right - I wrote a post about that very thing . Here it is : http : / / teachmetobraid . blogspot . com / 2012 / 11 / freight - train . htmlReplyDeleteMinaFebruary 16 , 2013 at 4 : 28 PMWell done , Mama Bear ! : - DI am very happy for you - you have seen your dream coming true and you are living it . I am happy you got your VBAC , too , and I hope you are already feeling better . It would have been hard to recover after a c / section with a toddler a home . ReplyDeleteOrdinary GirlFebruary 21 , 2013 at 10 : 47 PMThanks everyone ! I know this was super long , and you should all get a prize for reading it ! I wrote most of the detail for myself and someday for our little one . I know how easy it is to forget things even though right now I say that I 'll never forget a moment of it . I am really proud of how we handled everything and it does just feel like it was all meant to be somehow . ReplyDeleteAdd commentLoad more . . . Hi there . I 'm 30 something years old and living what some people might consider an ordinary life . For me , it 's finally the life I 've always wanted , it just took me awhile to get here . I have a wonderful little family ( Me , Hubby , Bean , Birdie , and our puppy ) , I 'm a stay at home mom , and I got here down the long road of infertility . I also like to cook , read , travel , take photos , get outside , play with my dog , and just generally enjoy life . |
JavaScript is currently disabled . Obsidian Portal has a lot of really cool features that use JavaScript . You should check them out . We think you 'll have a much more enjoyable experience . All my life I 've been told that I am a reckless man . I am the man who will jump down a hole not knowing how deep it is , if the urgency seems grave enough . I am the type of man who will take risks to save my friends myself , instead of taking the time to go for extra support . " Fortune favours the bold " are the words that I live by . With that said however , it is no exaggeration that my uncle makes me look like the careful monk in comparison . Let me tell you about the other day when we rode out to see if we could find the pack of wolves that has been troubling the sheep at Hindon . Sir Victus , rode ahead of me , scouting , despite being 20 years my senior . The man can sure handle a horse despite only having one leg but , with the stories he has to tell , I still don 't see how he has managed to keep alive to the age of 70 . " I 've learned that two knights should always ride a bit aside like this , " he said smiling broadly as we came up a hill . " I remember the time when I and Meliodas killed a fachan in Summerland . If I hadn 't rode ahead he wouldn 't have spotted the creature . Came at me from the side , all invisible , but Melidas saw it coming " " I tell you nephew , it 's the strangest thing . A single leg supports a torso with a single arm and hand protruding from the centre of its chest , and a single eye protrudes from the centre of the fachan 's forehead . It 's invisible if you look at it from the side too . That 's why I couldn 't see it when it attacked , but Meliodas told me where to swing my sword and I cut the thing in its single eye . " He chuckled . " I 've always been pretty lucky with those things . " " As I told you before , we picked up our lances and decided that we would try to spear the hounds all the way through to see who killed the most . " Victus motioned with an invisible spear towards the ground . " I always seem to lose count of my kills and so Meliodas wanted to know who of us would actually slay the most . ' Let 's pick them up like wild berries on a grass straw ' , he said . " " Then , " continued my uncle . " We rode out together like you and I are now and started to pick them off , " he made a face , " only the damned things are slippery when you run them through . To make them stay on that bloody spear was nearly impossible . And also , they didn 't die from a single attack now did they ? One attacked me while hanging from the spear in its neck . Bit my leg off my leg too , " he grinned and added , " but it was only the wooden leg . You should have seen the confusion on its face . It even cocked its head like a puppy . " I am not surprised if you shake your head . I shook my head too . Sir Victus stories would seem unbelievable to any man but I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was being truthful , believe it or not … " Meliodas always seems to come up with the most stupid ideas , " Victus added . " Did I tell that I once dressed up like a large chicken to lure a dragon out ? In truth I was supposed to look like a hippogriff riding on my horse , but I mostly looked like a chicken in armour on a very confused horse . " " Yes well , it was Meliodas idea , " Victus said with a slight hint off shame to his voice , " and I strutted around like Hippogriffs do . The trouble was that dragons must prefer knights in feathers to any food because it came flying breathing fire like no man would believe . When I finally was side by side with the others again I told him , I told him many times : This was a really bad idea Meliodas . " With my promise to assist him in finding a new lord to serve I left the workshop of Amandeus puzzled yet elated . In my sabretache I carried proof that Urien had been a fine warrior before he came to be my teacher and even against the monks counsel I still yearned to find out more about him . He was a friend turned into an enigma . " How can people live like this ? " my squire inquired over the din in the tightly pressed street . " They … well … We will get lost if you keep distracting me like this . " Nodding my squire turned his eyes toward the busy streets . Standing in my saddle I craned my neck to catch glimpses through windows and over rooftops . But if there were such fields as my squire spoke of they remained hidden to me . ' ' Consider the wise words of Solomon : It is the glory of God to conceal things , but the glory of kings is to search things out . As the heavens for height , and the earth for depth , so the heart of kings is unsearchable . ' ' My squire remained silent for a while studying the laboring knight and men around the sturdy anvil . ' ' If you listen to the teachers you will one day know . ' ' I found it hard to determine if my answer had satisfied the young man but it comforted me a great deal . The old hermits had spoken of the hidden meanings and messages in the Good Book at great lengths and I felt certain that I had now found one . ' ' Excuse me , sir , aren 't you Sir Maelgwyn of Chillmark ? ' ' His voice sounded muffled as he spoke from behind his veil of chainmail . " Yes I am sir . But I 'm afraid I do not know how to address you good sir . " A glint in the rugged man 's eyes suggested he was smiling towards me . " They call me theBrown Knight of the Wilds , but I understand if my rather unconventional heraldry confounded you , sir . " As he spoke he lightly touched the branch fastened to his unpainted shield . His voice was young and melodious not seeming to quite fit his rugged appearance . " Well that certainly is a strange name , sir , but in times like this little surprise me . " I must admit that I rather admired how the strange man spoke and handled himself . There was a calmness and grace surrounding his demeanor I 've never witnessed before , not even among the blessed clergy . " Are you going to try , sir ? " he said pointing to the sword and anvil . " Ha ! You surely jest sir ! There is no royal blood in my line , however long it may be . Besides how do you know you 're not the one our Lord has chosen ? " " You are of course right , sir Maelgwyn ! Such a thing no man can know with certainty . Both of us might be unworthy yet one of us might be ! Let us settle this ! " " But shall we perhaps call it a draw sir ? " Never before had it occurred to me that such an outcome was possible in a duel . For a few moments I thought of my honor and indeed of the sanctity of all duels , then my aching body and numb arms spoke louder . " If that man wished to find the Lady he would have , no matter what . But that doesn 't excuse you … That demon in the swamps should not be trifled with … " His voice trailed off and became a murmur . I thought of Sian . I thought of the flower that took her from me and I thought of home . It had been almost two years since I felt Marion 's arms around me . Almost two years since I saw my sons and daughters . In that moment nothing seemed sweeter than the stone hall upon the hill and Gwynns thatch of red hair . It was time to head home and to make haste . The safest and fastest route would be through Rhydychan . Vagon was not all that Brynach had imagined it to be . The stories he had heard of the place seemed more grand and mysterious than the worn down Motte and Bailey that met his eye when riding towards the castle behind his lord . But , this was where his father had spent most of his time as a squire and if it had been good enough for Melkin , it was good enough for him too , Brynach decided . Squire Yraen was walking around the parapet to inspect all the sites that Sir Amig had told him to . The castle 's walls had begun sagging in places . Fortunately lumber was not in short supply in Salisbury , the manpower and silver it would take was however . Renovations couldn 't begin this year , but as Sir Amig had explained it , they would need to prepare anyway so that when funds became available they could begin immediately . A suspicious guard peered down at them and called out . " Who goes there ? " " Sir Deian the Dark , " answered his lord , but the guard stared blankly at them ; " Who ? I don 't know of any sir Deian . " Hearing the shouts below , Yraen leaned out to have a closer look . Beneath , in front of the gate , he saw the man who had served as a squire to his " uncle " several years ago and behind him , on a thin nag , rode yet another familiar figure . " That is Sir Deian of Mayfair , lord to Stag 's home . You should probably open the gate for him , " the young squire suggested . The guard , being a surly man in the manner of guards found guarding gates everywhere from Hantonne in the south to the Orkney islands in the furthest north , glared at the young squire . For a moment he seemed to consider not opening , but then maybe remembering the previous year and what had happened to Sir Garin . " Alright , alright , hold your horses Sir , " he called down and motioned for the gate to be opened . His lord got off his horse and turned towards the castle as two figures appeared . Lord Amig , Brynach knew by sight , but the other man he could not recognize . By all logic it should be lord Elad , but the man seemed to small , too frail and too old to be the fierce knight he remembered from his childhood . He looked around and his gaze caught Yraen who was climbing down from the parapet . With a small uncertain smile , Yraen waved to his opposites as their lords met and spoke with each other . After exchanging pleasantries , the lords told their squires to take care of the horses and to make sure that they were watered and fed . Yraen and Brynach walked towards the stables , leading two horses each . A small silence hung between the boys who hadn 't seen each other for quite some time . Both had grown and started changing into the men that they would one day become . Deciding that it befell him to start a conversation , being the elder by a whole year , Yraen asked " How are your sisters doing ? And your family ? " One of Brynach 's younger sisters was pretty indeed and Yraen had harbored a boyish infatuation with her for the last few years . Brynach raised an eyebrow but accepted Yraen 's question . " Mother 's fine , worried about sir Ennis I suppose , but well . The twins are good though Camilnne had the hillfort cough last year . Aquilina is growing fast and Placus too . Always in high spirits those two . " Brynach paused . " Ceri told me your mother died , I 'm sorry to hear that , and even more so is she . Ceri loved Brangwen like her own mother . " Looking haunted for a moment at the mention of the passing of his mother , Yraen became quiet . After a few minutes silence however he turned to Brynach " We all miss mother , both me , my brother and most of all father , I think . " Sighing he continued " I hope father is doing better when he returns from the fighting in Jagent " . Brynach gave Yraen a long look . " You have changed , " he commented . " Worry has always seemed to been the least of your troubles . " He picked up an empty bucket under his arm . " Yes , " he said then as he headed for the well . For the first time since the boys had met again Brynach gave a laugh . He held up the bucket and poured the water over himself . " Yes he is , " he said laughing . " Lord Deian is a fine lord , who tells me all about how my father made him run all the strangest errands , from riding through strange paths outside of Tisbury , to hunting bandits in Modron 's forest . How 's lord Amig ? " Thoughtfully , Yraen answered " He is harsh but a good teacher and master . He is getting old though and I get the feeling that he would prefer to be without all the responsibility that he has shouldered . " Leaning against the well he beheld Brynach pouring another bucket of water over himself . " But something changed when Lord Elad came back . Father always spoke of how close Sir Amig was to Sir Elad . Maybe he will quicken once again thanks to Sir Elad 's return . " " I doubt men like them could give up even if they wanted to . I think that we are all stronger than we know . " Brynach raised his arms yet again . " Heads up , " he said and poured its content over Yraen . Sputtering from the surprise as much as the cold , he didn 't hesitate but dove straightly for Brynach 's waist and bore him to the ground . " You little fiend , I 'll teach not to sucker punch me while I help you with your work . " Saying so , he threw a punch towards Brynach 's stomach . " Good help you were , " Brynach groaned and locked his feet around Yraen 's waist , throwing them around in the mud . " What are you ? A cat ? Afraid of some water ? " Marigold : " They were indeed . The seems to have covered themselves in glory and spoils . Did you see the magnificent stallion that Sir Cadry rode in on ? It must be worth a prince 's ransom . They say that the horse belonged to Prince Mark himself ! " Harley : " And covered in jewellery too . Roman jewellery at that . It seems like him and a few of the other men stayed in Dorchester on their way home . You mark my words nothing good will come of it . That pagan will lead our men to their deaths with his vainglorious actions . " Marigold : " Oh come now Harley , no one can deny what a splendid and handsome warrior he is . They say that he himself killed five enemy knights in the fighting during this autumn . I say that no man is his equal with a sword . " Anne : " Both on the battlefield and in bed , or so I have heard . Did you hear about the fighting that went on in the Praetor 's bed last year ? I bet that was why he stopped by Dorsette on his way home . Just look at all the finery he is bedecked in riding home . " Marigold : " Oh , don 't be horrible Harley . Just because you envied her , there is no cause for speaking ill of the dead , pagan or christian . I am sure that Sir Cadry needs comfort after all the horrors that has befallen his family . " I have ridden as fast as I could towards Tisbury manor , outpacing even my master , Lord Amig . He gave me permission to hurry home after the messenger arrived in Sarum , telling that my mother , Lady Brangwen , had taken seriously ill as she gave birth to my newest little brother Brannoch . The birth seemed to have gone well but three days after a shadow fell across the manor and the messenger told me that Ol ' Tiss had been seen by many of manor servants . They claimed that he seemed wroth and that he had swept his blade towards the house . Entering the courtyard of my home like the hounds of the wild hunt was behind me , I can sense that something is very wrong . I get of my horse and charge towards the manor house . I see many familiar faces standing around doing nothing except staring in fear at the house . From within I can hear screaming and crying . Guillaume , my father 's manservant , stops me by the door . Before I can push past the thin Aquitanian he says in his lightly accented voice " Your mother is very ill and only the priestess Bellyra is allowed inside per your mother 's orders " . I briefly stare at him and something in my gaze must be terrifying for he visibly pales and lets me pass by him . A large fire is burning in the hearth and the air inside smells of the usual herbs and plants but also of blood . My mother lies in her bed and she is screaming in agony unlike any I have ever heard , even when she gave birth to Gweneth . The young priestess Bellyra , no older than myself , looks terrified and she is crying . A sheep lies dead on the floor with its throat slit in a sacrificial circle . When I approach I can see that my mother 's face is paler than death itself and the lower parts of her dress is stained with a large amount of blood . Knowing hesitation and fear unlike any I have ever felt before I manage to croak out " Mother ? " . Mother 's eyes open briefly and for an instance there is no recognition , only pain and distress and despair . Suddenly a silence falls over the hall as mother stops screaming and Bellyra suddenly grows quiet . It is as if something has stolen all the sound in the world . Mother , still in pain , beckons me towards the bed , biting back her pain , lucid for a brief moment . She grabs my collar and pulls me closer and starts whispering in my ear . She whispers secrets long since hidden . She tells me who her mother really is , she says it is the sorceress Nineveh . She tells me that my father must seek her out , that she can help him find Gweneth and help him find out more about the daughters of the wolf . She tells me that she is dying because the gods are angered by the sacrilege committed by the Fenrir , but the she has taken their punishment upon herself so that the family might be spared . She tells me that she loves me and that I must tell my father that she loves him and that she will find him in the next life . She cries as she says these last words and drags me close to herself like she did when I was a small boy . The pain is returning again and it is overwhelming her . She just screams and cries as it takes her and I stay by her bedside until dusk sets . Finally , she becomes quiet as her spirit leaves her body and her tribulation is over . I sit by her side until morning comes and shines its meagre lights through the opened door . The rest of the household comes and take care of her remains . I leave the house and walks up towards the old burial hill . I fall to my knees before the old oak and just start screaming out all my agony , all my sorrow and all my anger . I scream until my voice breaks and yet I persist until my breath is gone and I can do nothing but collapse upon the roots of the ancient tree . Sleep or unconsciousness claim me . It isn 't until later during the afternoon when someone dares wake me . A gentle hand shakes me back to waking world . Above me stands the One - in - Three , the triplets , Ffinan , Fferyll , Fflergant . Distant cousins from the Jagent side of the Cellydons , they and their father fought like madmen in the battle of the two walls and helped take the second wall together with my father . For this bravery , count Tegfan made them knights after the battle . The triplets accompanied the Salisbury troops back home in order to be closer to the main branch of the family whilst their father stayed with Count Tegfan . The triplets have taken up service with Countess Ellen as household knights . With their aid I return to the house once again to see my master Lord Amig , who has arrived during my sleep . Grave injury is a pestis . I don 't understand how my brother could have carried all those scars that the tales tell of and still never have uttered a word of complaint . After that peasant stabbed me in the back I can no longer straighten my back to its full length . I look like an old man going around Hindon , but then again maybe that 's a good thing . Maybe people will finally start believing that I am how I say I am . My sister has had a change of heart , at least to some extent . She invited me to her oldest daughter 's wedding this autumn . A grand festivity though the toll taken on even the Mayfair family showed on the feast table . The young couple looked happy though . Lady Eirwyn and sir Eltut seem fond of each other which I would consider a good sign . Supera tells me that my nephew has had a hand in marrying off his cousin to his lord 's youngest brother . If so lord Deian must be fond of the boy . My sister and I did manage to talk things over a bit , and even though I can see her reluctance , I know that she no longer can ignore who I am . I think that both sir Leo and sir Cadry might have put in a good word here and there . I am glad that she is coming around even though she 's taken her good time to do it . Women can indeed be quite stubborn . After that I spent a couple of weeks at Lady Ellen 's court . Engaging in speculations about philosophy and law . Lady Ellen asked me to recite some words on diplomacy and so I told her a quote of Cicero 's : " The rule of friendship means there should be mutual sympathy between them , each supplying what the other lacks and trying to benefit the other , always using friendly and sincere words . " I understand it struck a note with her , and I am all too glad too quote the great roman 's to complain . Later , during the winter , one of Melkin 's twins took ill . I took some time to sit at her bedside . It seems to me like my wife is too lazy and lady Nest too unconcerned for the girl 's well being . However uncaring the two grown women in this family seem to be , the young Ennys is always at her twin 's side . Looking at them , one sleeping anxiously , one huddled up by the side of the bed , I felt something stir inside me . And so , I started to remember . Piece by piece , bit by bit , I remembered an early spring years ago as two boys trained with too large armours and too long swords . I started to remember things stored away far in the back of my mind . Now the first time in 35 years I can recall the death of my own twin as he tossed and turned in agony as the fewer killed him . It is not a happy memory , but at least it is a memory . He rode south through Anna 's Water hundred . Behind him , the smoke of long siege still curled into the sky , a haze against the setting sun . It would be dark soon , but with luck he would reach the road to Levcomagus and Silchester before he could no longer see the ground under Handsomes ' hooves . The horse was hideous , and none too well fed , and as such the name fit well enough . He had made camp by the road as full night crept up all around . A small fire danced inside a crude ring of stone , a rabbit skewed upon a rack of sticks . Cynyr felt numb , and not only from bone deep weariness . For seventeen years he had served the Lord of Llud 's hall . Some of those he did not remember , lost in a vague blur of emotion and impression , and the care of the monks at Ambrius abbey . Now that was done . Three long weeks of Siege , of waiting , of starving , of thirst and battle . Three times the invaders had stormed the walls , and three times he had stood to defend them . At the last they had been overrun , too weak with deprivation to drive the enemy off the ramparts . For a moment in the din of fighting he had seen a large man step onto the walls , towering above most who stood around him . For long heartbeats he had thought he had seen his Brother . But no , his brother was dead . The large man had thrown Kirn off the wall and run Makin through . Neither would play dice or laugh through long nights ever again . The Rabbit smelled delicious , and either that or his fire drew attention . Someone was moving out there , in the dark . Cynyr took his sheathed sword and lay it in his lap , waiting . He had asked and received permission to travel Annas Water , but in these times one could never be too cautious . Into the circle of light cast by his fire came faces more ragged and worn with loss than his own . Hunger gleamed in their eyes . A child hiding neath torn skirts gave a sound like a starving wolf , staring at the rabbit . Carefully he reached out , taking the stick with the meat . His stomach ached with hunger . Slowly , he bit into it , lips and tongue stung by heat and sizzling juices . Wiping the fat from his chin , he spoke " What do you want ? " . Cynyr thought for long moments , inwardly counting and measuring his provisions and what little coin he had left from seventeen years savings after aquiring horse and travelling gear . It had been his slim fortune that Sir Richard had been an uncommonly decent man , releasing all who served Sheriff Bedwor once that fateful duel was done . He had enough to last to Caercoloun , barely , with two loaves to spare . Retrieving two small hard loaves of bread he tossed them to the small gathering . They were snatched , and devoured on the spot . The former merchant wanted one , wanted it badly , but did not partake . The children ate , and some of the women . The men stared at their feet . He felt like throwing up . First Lluds hall , now the only other family he had truly known . It was all gone . He forced words past teeth that would not unclench . " Thank you . A day or two ahorse down this road lies Sarum , and north of that on the road to the standing stones is Amesbury abbey . Perhaps one or the other will give you succor . You are welcome to camp nearby and accompany me to Sarum on the morning " Perhaps lady Ellen would have use for an experienced swordhand , or else sir Cador could use another man in his band . Good man or not , he could not stomach serving the man who had taken his Lords ' castle . There was nothing in the east for him now . Life had to go on . Despite all he had lost , the rabbit was still delicious . Boat journeys always unsettle me . There is nothing to do , nowhere to go , no proper land underneath your feet . There is something decidedly wrong with sailors . No sane man would ever choose to live most of his presumably short life on the seas . Unfortunately , there is no Merlin around to send me back from Eire this time around . On the other hand , I lost almost half a year the last time that happened . Would have been worth it though to not have to get on a boat for the second time in two months . Oceans are even worse during winter time too . Hopefully I will never have to return to the green isle in this life . Too bad the romans didn 't build a bridge . Would have been a lot better to ride there . At least not everything was bad in Eire . The king of Lein wasn 't at home . Apparently , he had taken our advice and had gone raiding in Cornwall . His queen welcomed me and I spent a few nights at their home , trying to find a guide to help me locate Himlingslevah , the giant . The last night I spent in the king 's home one of his younger daughters sought me out . I had been sleepless for several nights and something had seemed wrong . Her name was Brigid and unlike he sisters , she was a wild thing that made up her own mind and didn 't respect her parent 's wishes and god . She spoke sweet things to me in the night and she lay with me . She said that she wanted to make her own way in this world . She left me before the sun rose and I didn 't see her before I left later during that day . Eire is a strange place . I never thought I would have a remotely peaceful conversation with a giant even once , much less twice . I returned the giant blade to him and he walked down to the ocean and threw it in . I could swear that I saw a hand reach up from the waves and catch the sword . The giant said that allies of the giant king would bring it back to where it belongs . Part of me is glad to be rid of the blade , getting rid of the weight . Somehow the blade has seemed heavier on the journey to the giant . Another part of me however mostly feels glee at the prospect that the sword is out of reach of Saexwolf forever . The giant offered me a reward for the return of the blade . Many things crawled through my mind , trying to get my attention ; send the giant to kill and eat the fenris , send him to rescue my daughter , giving me a fortune . All these things seemed like good things to ask for but suddenly something came over me . Some other voice spoke through my mouth . The voice asked for a weapon in return for the blade that was given . A blade that would be the bane of my family 's enemies . Something told me that my descendants would need it in the future . The giant questioned if I was strong and worthy enough to wield a weapon forged in Jotunheim . I ascertain that I was and he told me that when I or one of my descendants had found out the truth of the Iron Crown and understood my family 's legacy I should seek out the halls of the giant king but not before . On that day , I will wield a weapon such as has never been carried by any of my ancestors . Padger 's voice rang loudly among the gathered men and women yet I know he 's barely keeping his eyes dry . Now and then his voice grows thick and his eyes glaze over . They all loved the little bastard , some even say my own father saw him more like a son than a ward . In my mind he was as far removed from me as the beast are from men . Whatever Tarren blood had ran in the veins of the little runt must have been diluted to nothingness . Whenever he saw a naked blade he would flinch or edge away like some cowardly animal and the time he scraped up his knee on the rocks in the river he had almost fainted at the sight of his own blood . Never have I met a boy so close to tears and fright in my entire life . Padger speaks the final words of the sentimental eulogy and with solemn movements the assembled knights lift the boy 's body unto the Aegis . My blood boil . Such an honour bestowed upon that foolish bastard ! Such insolence towards my absent father ! That this weak thing is bestown the same honour as my ancestors just because he died sobbing in battle . When my day come there will be changes ; order and dignity once more . Standing by the opened crypt of my forefathers I turn my gaze toward my brothers and sisters as the lineage men carry the bastard towards his final resting place . Athena and Ariana squeeze each other 's hands as they clumsily try to hide their crimson cheeks and red rimmed eyes , whispering half - heard condolences to each other . Mair is clutching on to Sister Abigail whose dull eyes seems to have ran out of tears . The others are too young to understand what is happening but the infants feel that there 's something wrong today , writhing and crying in the arms of their wet nurses and caretakers . Breichan is the only one who composes himself with any dignity . Hands clutched by his sides and his eyes thousands of miles away . He remains my only rival . Years of running and playing with his other half has turned him brawny and after the loss of Bradwen his brow has become inquisitive . A dangerous rival perhaps . Alone among my siblings he carries the crown I perceive atop my father 's head . A crown invisible to every eye but that can be seen even by the blind ; the crown beyond price that speak of manifest destiny and that makes weak men brave . He will have to be dealt with . Perhaps Dion will carry the same crown but by the time he is old enough to hold a sword I should have no reason to fear him . Sweating and grumbling from the weight the lineage men labour until the boulder finally rolls into place with an earthshaking thud . In the dark , nestled close to forefathers he never knew , Wyned finally finds peace . Family and friends gather in the stone hall of Chillmark to toast and remember a fallen boy who died far from home for a cause he hardly knew or understood . Sitting among others , yet in solitude , a proud young boy dreams about glory and power . A brazen trumpet blares in the leaden silence , and then they are off , crawling over the no - mans - land like armoured ants , rushing over the flotslam and jetslam of the previous two assaults : broken ladders , broken arrows , broken bodies . It is nothing to them , their blood is up , Sir Richard has promised them gold and riches if the castle falls , and fall it must : a simple Sheriff cannot stand against the might of Sir Richard and Duke Ulfius forever , and that Countess of Salisbury has not stirred to stop them . This time , surely , Sheriff Bedwor will give up the castle . Arrows . No , he will not . Javelins , no , he is brave , foolhardy , that Sheriff . And men fall , hope flounders in the mud , but the fire is not as hot as the last time : the well has been sabotaged by some strange cunning or devilish magic of the Duke , and the men on the parapet have been drinking rain water and animal blood for days . They are weak . The iron tide reaches the wall , scaling ladders rise , the ants start their climb as Sir Rirchard 's archers give them covering fire form their mobile walls . The first one goes down , the second goes down , and then there are men on the ramparts , a large knight with a puce shield foremost amongst them , clearing a space for more ladders . The defenders buckle , breaks . Those that have a ransom to their names surrender , the rest flee or dies . Llud 's Castle is cracked open at last . But they cannot take the inner bailey . The Duke is furious , bellows left and right , Sir Richard is grim , gives calm orders : no plunder , no rape , you will all be rewarded , put out that fire . Then he takes them by utter suprise , Lord Bedwor . A duel ! He challenges Sir Richard on a duel . His life and the gold if he wins ? The men are laughing at such sentimentality , but not Sir Richard . He has been an Uther fan - boy all his life . " Yes , I accept your terms . " The men are extatic , who could have hoped for that ? Their battle is over . Instead of another costly assault , they can stand back and watch the old goats bleed . ( Not the Duke , of course , he would never indulge in this way ) . They know each other well , these two , whom both has served good King Uther all their adult life . They have fought each other before , more than once , and the knights and soldiers try to reminisce : which of them won , which lost ? Sir Richard is the older , but haler and sharper ; he soon has Sir Bedwor on the ground , bleeding profusely from a wound in his right arm . The sheriff yields ! And Sir Richard nods , and helps Sir Bedwor to his feet . There are over a hundred knights here , and most of them are in awe of Sir Richard who has proved that he is both strong and honorable . The gold is his - and the castle , they say , shall go to the damn Duke , who always gets what he wants in the end . Sir Richard is enjoying himself enormously ; he knows that what he has done here today in front of hundreds of warriors will be retold countless times in these lands from now til long after he is dead . In the midst of all this celebration , the crowd around him splits up and out in front of him comes a large knight spattered in blood - with a puce cloth over his face . He is dragging a stinking old man in rags with him . The two of them , Sir Richard and The Puce Knight , eyes each other warily for two or three heartbeats . Then speaks the one with a cloth over his face : " This is my man , Sir ! This is my price . " He almost lifts his prize of the ground to make his point . Sir Richard looks at the old wreck ; there are remains of muscles here and there , and white scars show through the rags . He may be beaten now , but once this was a warrior . Who is it ? No matter ! He has promised the knight in disguise the right to take one man from the pens as thanks for his service in the storming , and he is an honorable man . " You can take you price and leave , my good Sir . " The good Sir nods , and then he is off with his prisoner , who seems resigned to his fate . Later , he asks the Duke . The Duke has spies everywhere , and he can tell that the old man was one Tudwal , once a knight out of Hillsfort hundred , accused of forging the King 's Seal . And The Puce Knight ? A relative , surley , who else would serve three weeks in a seige for an usless old man ? Sir Richard agrees , yes , that must be it . Such a strange tale . Oh well , he has coins to count . Amig sighed and leaned forward on the table . This very simple and human thing to do made him seem much older than his actual age . The added burdens and responsibilities heaped on him had aged him in the last few years . He now looked like a man of 60 or 70 rather than 56 , which was his actual age . " You are here because we need to discuss your future . Your father still has not returned from the north even though the men that went with him returned during early autumn . He sent me a missive in which he stated his intent to go to mount Snowdonia to attempt to recover your uncle 's body from the ruins of Vortigern 's tower . " " As much as I would like to hope that your father is still among the living , the winter is almost over and no one have seen him or heard anything from either him or the other knights that travelled with him . This forces us to consider the future of your … of our family . If your father and Sir Maelgwyn have fallen in the north , this is as you can well imagine a great blow not to just to our families and the Tarrens but to the entirety of the county . " " I do not think my father is dead Sir . I think mother would know the very moment his life ended . At times , it is like she knows what he is thinking just by looking at him . " " Sir , the haunter of the night have stopped coming to Tisbury . In the middle of the night just before Samhain his pounding on the gate just stopped and the silence in the forest was suddenly broken . That must mean that father did something ! " " Yraen , we must work from the assumption that your father is not coming back . Should he do so despite everything , we will be all the happier for it . One of your relatives will assume stewardship of the lands for now until you come into your own as a knight . We will have to closely consider who should be given the responsibility . Even more so now that your cunning mother have leveraged favours out of the countess … " _ " You might not be aware of the fact that your mother is a good friend of the countess even though they don 't make much of a show of it before the court . Your mother managed to secure full hunting rights for forests surrounding your family 's land . In the times before St Albans such a right could only be given by the king . Now … things are different . " _ " Both you and I know that such accusations are ridiculous and that what exist between your mother and father is something much stronger that any enchantment . You must however beware that envy will make some people interpret favour or love as enchantment to justify that they themselves have not been as highly favoured . Some will forever find fault with others instead of seeing their own shortcomings . Your father and mother are ambitious people and that ambition will always draw detractors . " " While I admire your spirit boy , you will do no such thing until you are knight . I expressly forbid you to challenge anyone over the matter . You will instead learn to keep quiet and listen and put shackles on your temper . If you hear anything , you will come to me and I will deal with it . We will look after your family , but we will do it properly . Do you understand ? " " I know that it will happen some day , " I answered , " but mostly I 'm surprised that it hasn 't already . He is a reckless man , a boy really , in a man 's body . " I felt my lips curve into a smile as I met his gaze . " Quite the opposite of you Brynach . " The pride he felt when I said this shone through that serious face of his . Being the only boy , the only heir , for such a long time in a household of women had made him dependable . He knew responsibility . Someone had taught that to him early . He was silent for a while as the pieces moved around on the table . I enjoyed our game in tranquillum . I had no doubt that lady Nest would scold me later for our idleness , but these moments of pace wasn 't anything I would ever wish away . Anyway , she seemed unable to be angry with me for long . No one ever really was . " She does , " he admitted , " but I won 't take the chance that she 's wrong . The Saxons are still a threat to us all whether uncle Cadry and sir Ennis return this year , the next or never . I shall become I knight like my father . " With the first snows came a messenger from Sarum , with a message of nothing . In fact , the dowager countess was wondering if Sioned had seen her son . Mabsant was missing , and noone had seen him return . Worry was now a redcap , slowly eating her guts from within . Fortunately , she had much to keep her occupied . The messenger from Sarum had brought some good news . Mabsant had been raised to knighthood , and named warden of Ludwell . Pride in her son burned fierce in her chest . With her son the lawful warden , she leveraged motherhood to finally wrest control of decisionmaking from Bodwin . Carefully , both Lilo and Bodwin remained important advisors , and it was often invaluable . However , she could freely continue with her plan for the manor . She had more to do than ever , complaints from the common folk , finding food , keeping the village and manor lands in good repair . She planned store and rations months in advance , hoping to make too little last for longer than it reasonably should . All in all she did so well , and despite feeling the pinch of saxon tribute noone starved that year . A new face had come to Ludwell . An old man , Tienyn , had come from Dorsette , and such was the deference shown to him by the common folk that Sioned had invited him to Ludwell proper . He was the eldest of the Anarawd , and truly ancient at that . There was something about him . Some men grow frail and fragile with age , some gather about them a form of gravity that simply pulls others along . The old man had a will to match her own . Sioned , too , felt herself changing . Something about Ludwell , about the old man , and the deep rooted beliefs and history that the Anarawd held were becoming a part of her . When Lord Caren , a wealthy knight in neighbouring Dorsette , sent word that he wished a young girl of the extended family as a concubine , Tienyn deferred the decision to her . She thought of it long and hard . In times past , she would have accepted without hesitation . The offer came with great compensation , and the family needed it . The pragmatist in her wanted it . Something else did not . It felt wrong , condemning the girl to a loveless life at the pleasure of another had become abhorrent to her . When she declined , the eldest of the Anarawd smiled , and kissed her cheek . " You are one of us , daughter " . She had rarely felt more proud , or more included . It was Tienyn who suggested what she had been working towards on her own for a long time , to marry Mabsant into the Anarawd proper . He would wed Tiwlip , Gamonds eldest daughter . Indeed , she had never thought it possible , but apparently the family wanted the warden tied closely to their fortune . It was now more important than ever to find her wayward son … " Lord ! Sir ! No , you misunderstand ! I 'm here … it 's about my father , Sir ! Sir Tudwal … I mean , just Tudwal . He is no longer a knight . " " Well … there is no King , and so … I mean , Sir , how long , how long , will you keep him ? Surely , he can not be kept here until … I mean , it might take ages before we have a King again . " " Time is nothing to the Law . You father stands accused of forging the King 's Seal . I will keep him in my pens here until there is a King or til he dies . It is nothing to me if the King will have to pass judgement on your father 's bleached bones , understand ? " " Oh ! But … well … Sir , surely the Law is not meant to be so … unjust ? I can take an oath , Sir , to return with him here the day there is a K . " " Never you mind . But if he comes crawling to the Rock with whatever riff - raff he has bought to fight for him , tell him from me that he will never have an ounce of my gold , but he may have as many swords up his ass as he likes any given day . Now , begone , and take up my time no more ! " " Well , perhaps it is Right . But I do not think the Law should be so harsh … Oh , Mabsant , I think I saw his face among all those in the pens ! He looked … Oh , it was horrible ! I must get him out of this place ! Surely , he has atoned for what he did ? Even Sir Morcant thought so ! And the late Count , too … … Anyways , what did you find out , Mabsant ? Some way in ? " " No , but Lord Bedwor seems to think he may be coming for all that treasure . Makes sense , I guess . Anyway , I have this plan Mabsant . To get my father out of that hell - hole . I 'm going to ask Maelgwyn to give me custody over Sewell and then … " No - one then knew whether Gamonds eldest son Cyn lived or had met an unfortunate end , his second son an infant fighting for survival in a beleaguered land . These were lean years . Sioned fought domestic wars daily . In the short time that Gamonds widow had been the lady of Ludwell she had found kinship with the Anarawd . As her blood had mingled with that of Neillyn and Anna in Galen , so had her spirit . And she was a tough , determined woman . The smallfolk grumbled and suffered , tithes a growing burden on their welfare . They whispered in corners and in their cots at night , the Harridan of Ludwell was Gamonds in truth , for the great loyalty , generosity and all the sacrifices to protect them that their lord had given were easily forgotten in long nights of hunger . Remembered were the hard hand of vengeance and necessity , the flash of rage in moments of weakness . It did not seem luxurious to Mabsant . It seemed unfair , an unjustified hardship . For a growing boy hard at work he was not hungry , nor was he ever truly sated . Time at home seemed more punishment than respite and serving Padern was something to look forward to . He saw his mothers battles , the brave face she put on , and the toll her determination took . She took it upon herself to match every sacrifice the commoners made , and despite murderous demands from the dowager countess to pay tribute she not only made ends meet in the manor but looked to the future . The old wooden hall was replaced by stone , half sunk into the earth , angled windows . Impossible to burn , hard to attack . Plans and resources were put towards the future . Despite all this she was not given her due . Bodwin was the official steward , and he often balked at her orders . It galled Mabsant to no end . He stewed in resentment , and tried to think of some way , any way , in which she might be given both the influence and respect she deserved . Over time , a plan formed . He had to prove himself to the family , and make a bid for stewardship . Then his mother could advise him , and if he could be seen as part of the family perhaps he could secure both their futures if ever the heir to Ludwell returned . Despite the overall tragedy of the Isle of Wight something there had sparked an idea . The late Lord Gwenwynwyn had spoken of his brother Gwyn , and his interest in the lost blade of the Anarawd . Surely an undertaking to search for such an heirloom would earn the recognition he sought ? To that end he travelled to the border post by Hantonne , now Essex , and spent two evenings with the guards there . The company of a well spoken young squire bearing good food and decent wine was not taken amiss , nor was the standing offer of half a Libra bounty to any who would steer this Gwyn to Ludwell should he happen to pass by . With such riches to win , the offer was held close by those who guarded the border . The missing wine and food earned him a hiding such as he had not received in many years and a month of hard work beside . He bore it in silence . It was a small price to pay for what he had to do . |
Christmas Presents ! ! There were many out takes like these trying to get a good picture . . . but I thought this one was just funny ! The boys did not want to cooperate bc they were so excited about their books ! Miriam my little theatric was like " C ' mon ! ! ! ! " Neema is impossible in group photos . . . We have become really close to our house girl . She not only cleans our house but also watches Neema three days a week . . . we love her ! This Sunday her son was confirmed in their church and she graciously invited us to come . It was all in kiswahili so much of it had to be translated for me but at one point , 4 or 5 people started going up on stage . I asked her daughter Esther if they were being honored for something . Well , it turns out they had for whatever reason been " kicked out " out of church for the last two weeks and this week the church was welcoming them back . I don 't know why they had been asked to ' take a break ' but it seemed the church all knew . I was thinking to myself . . . wow that is pretty intense . In my head , I was thinking I probably would never come back to a church if I got kicked out and the whole congregation knew why . . . But then the coolest thing happened . . . some of the church elders surrounded the people and the pastor asked the whole church to pray for them . And for about 5 minutes I looked around and watched in awe as the entire church audibly lifted their voices to God on behalf of these people . To see the grace and love on their faces as they prayed and their hands lifted in reverence to a holy and merciful king it was actually really amazing . By the end of it , I wanted to go to the front of the stage and have them all praying for me ! Even though I couldnt understand everything , I love African church ! The singing , the dancing , the pure worship . . . . . Afterward , we went back to Jemima 's house to celebrate Benjamin 's big day . She made traditional celebration dish of pilau and veggies . . . with soda ! ! ! It was a lovely day and I love taking part in the African culture . Congratulations to you Benjamin ! : ) Posted by So this is just really something I have been struggling with lately and I thought I would put it to paper . ( or blog . . . whatever . ) Something that has always amazed me about Africa is how everyone helps each other . If someone does not have food they just go eat at a neighbors house and then later when they are able they in turn provide something for their neighbor when they are in need . You see people sleeping up to six people in one bed because their family or friends have no place to go . You hear of entire villages contributing money when someone passes away . I have been awe of this way of life so much in fact it 's what inspired the name of my organization . It is easy to stand back and admire the life that some people live . But what happens when God asks you to quit simply being " in awe " . . . . but to move in the direction of whatever it is that you see in that person that moves you . Because of adopting my little girl , Neema , I have come to know many people in her village and many more know me . People know me as having taken in not just Neema but now they see how I am helping Jumanne , Rehema , Miriam , and Fabien . People approach me or Vincent all the time about helping them with their own children , friends children , or simply themselves . They see me in my car , they see Neema in nice clothes , they see the FOUR going to school . They see opportunity in me . But I can 't help everyone , that is what I have to tell myself ALL THE TIME . . . but then again , can I do more than I do ? The answer has got to be yes . I think we can all do more than we think we can . We can all be stretched a little more , we can all sacrifice a little more . But where do we draw the line ? This question has been nagging at me for weeks now ! Neema 's uncle has no job , he did not go to secondary school , and though he has tried cannot seem to find consistent work . ( To put a little in perspective about the typical African wage - he recently climbed Kilimanjaro as a porter for NINE days ; climbing the worlds highest free standing mountain carrying an oversized bag Posted by Sorry its been a few days ! Sometimes I feel so exhausted by my fantastic life and then I read the blogs of people with four , five , six kids and I think hmm I need to pull it together ! But then again , I live in Africa . J I can play that card , right ? But seriously … my favorite internet café ( favorite because it 's the only one under $ 5 an hour that actually works ) has been closed down for some reason . I am desperately trying to figure out how to get internet at my house , but its so expensive ! I think Vincent might have found me a deal , so if it works out , communication will become a whole lot easier for me . In addition , my car windows have an ongoing condition where they keep getting stuck . Either I roll them down and they get stuck which is not so good in Arusha during Christmas time where thieves are rampant ! Not to mention the short rains are here . If you came to my house , you may find my car covered in a big green and white striped shower curtain covering it from consistent downpour . Then if they get stuck while they are up in the middle of the day , I think im seriously going to suffocate . Yeah the air conditioner definitely doesn 't work . Poor Neema and Pray the other day , I looked in the back seat and they both had sweat dripping down their faces . Bless ' em . So ill be making my THIRD trip to the garage today where I must try my level best to explain in Swahili that they are STILL broken ! So that will consume my whole afternoon . Not exciting . In between trips to the garage , I have been on an endless wild goose hunts for whatever my bushmen guards are currently in need of . I love them but man oh man are they needy ! " Mama , natakasucari , mafuta , mboga , dawa , etc . " ( Mama , I want sugar , oil , vegetables , medicine , etc . ) Always something ! But they literally never leave the house unprotected , so it 's the least I can do . The fact that I am often buying the same things for Mama Kimaro at the TAWV house has helped because now I have been trying to just do one BIG shop once a month … . ill get it down eventuallHeath November 26I went to the service of Kelvin Andrea ( the boy with the burns ) yesterday . We arrived around 10am to their home where a large tent had somehow been set up out of a tarp , some tree limbs , and a bucket . I saw people sitting on broken down benches and writing in a book . Vincent told me it was a donation book that they were passing around in order to pay for all the service fees . The family was able to pull together 70 , 000TSH ( 1 , 000 shillings is a little less than a dollar ) The village raised 100 , 000TSH and they needed 40 , 000TSH more to cover everything . ( mortuary fee , casket , sodas , food , etc . ) When the book was handed to me I looked inside to see a long list of names by each name was the amount the person had contributed and across from each name read amounts like 1 , 000 or 1 , 500 a couple of 2 , 000 amounts . But because so many people gave , those amounts had added up to over 100 , 000TSH . It was such an amazing example of how when everyone gives a little it adds up to a lot ! And these small amounts ( in my eyes ) were probably actually big sacrifices to some of these villagers . Sacrificial giving … this is a concept that God has really been laying on my heart lately . Not only with my money but with my time , with my life . I had never met this little boy , I don 't know his family , but I soon discovered that during occasions such as these , the men stay outside and the women inside . After making my contribution I was taken inside to express my sympathy to Kelvin 's mother and female relatives and friends . I was then told to sit there inside with them . I didn 't want to . I didn 't know a single person and I didn 't know how long I would have to be there . And I didnt understand anything anyone was saying . I knew I would have to sit there until one of the boys came to get me . It was awkward and uncomfortable but this was about being Jesus to these people who have never met me . God has brought me to Africa to be His hands and feet . And with that comes a responsibility , a responsibility to get over my own comforts . Heath On Monday morning ( the day we were going to the hospital ) I got a telephone call from the village telling me the boy with the burns had passed away . I could not believe it . I laid in my bed just in tears with the feeling that maybe I should have done something sooner . Could he have been saved ? I don 't know I guess the burns were just too much for his little body . I don 't understand , im sad but He gives and takes away and my heart will choose to say BLESSED BE HIS NAME ! Posted by I am exhausted today . It has been one of those days that are just long … I was going to pick up the kids at 9 : 30am for church and we were actually doing pretty well on time , Neema and I , locking up the house around 9 : 15 when one of my guards started pointing at my rear left tire . It was completely flat . Don 't ask me how people from the bush who have rarely even seen cars know how to change a flat but they helped and we were back on the road . Late , but nevertheless on our way . When I got to the house the children were still in their pajamas as there had been a mix up on the time because Swahili time and American time is different . This often happens and I should have been more clear with sweet Mama Kimaro . So we are postponed again . But by 10 : 15 we finally arrive at church . Me and my brood . We walk in and they are singing " Blessed Be Your Name . " I am so happy to have finally arrived and as I see Jumanne carrying Neema and I have Miriam on one hand and Fabien on the other with clean clothes on their backs and food in their bellies I relish in the verse " when the world is all its meant to be … Blessed be your name ! " We sang and danced , drank hot chocolate and ate mondazis ( African donuts ) and then they went to Sunday school . They don 't understand much because my church is all English , but I discovered today they just like to come with me because they get free food ! Because when I went to pick them up again this afternoon to take them back to their relatives for a visit I found that they had gone to church again ! Since they didn 't understand anything at Vineyard , they wanted to go to Kiswahili Church . This is not enough that 4 children under 10 actually want to go to church twice but with the exception of Fabby , they all come from Muslim families . So to come live in Christian home , be exposed to church , and learn all about Jesus is an awesome opportunity to witness to their families and neighbors and they are truly loving hearing more and more about this man who would die for them ! Blessed be your Name ! APosted by So yesterday I took Juma , Rehema , Miriam , and Fabien to get some new clothes . We piled into my car and headed to this huge second hand market here in Arusha . They have never seen anything like this ! I was amazed at their patience as they waited while I picked out clothes for each one . They were even helping me pick clothes for each other . No one was saying " me me me ! ! " or " my turn ! " They were just happy that the other was getting new stuff . It was beautiful . I can learn so much from them . I am sad to report that I didnt take my camera . I was so bummed when I realized I had forgotten it . But if you can just imagine the smiles of trying on something new . Maybe the first new thing you have ever had ! The first thing that you could call your own . It was those kinds of smiles . They each got a couple of new pair of pants , some shirts , a sweater , and pajamas ! We were there for over an hour and by the time we left all the vendors knew their names and were calling out to them . . . . they felt so special . On the way to the car they all said " Thank you Mama " as they were running and skipping through the rain drizzling from the sky . I told them that I loved them so very much but these new clothes and their new house and the beds where they sleep are all because of Jesus . That his love for them far exceeds anything I can give them . May they always see Jesus as their Savior . . . Today Jumanne , Rehema , Miriam , and Fabien went to live in their new house with Mama Kimaro . I was so nervous when I went to the village to get them because I did not know how the families would react . Would they be sad ? Would they be glad to see them go ? Would there be any emotion at all ? When we went to get the boys they told us Jumanne had been ready to go for hours . He was so excited ! A few minutes later Fabien walked over in his best outfit , im sure . He was quiet yet poised for the departure . As we walked to pick up Rehema and Miriam other children I have come to know in the village joined us until we had a pack of little followers . We all met by my car where Rehema and Miriam were dressed in their Sunday dresses and their little coats each with a tiny book bag containing what was most likely their only possessions . It is an exciting beginning for these four , but the moment was bittersweet as some of the other children began crying . At first , I was thinking Oh no , im breaking up families and friends , but then I realized they were not crying for the loss of these children , but they were crying because they were being left behind . It broke my heart to have to leave anyone in the kinds of living situations these innocent children are experiencing on a daily basis . But I know there is only so much I can do and I have to focus on the task God has presented to me and that is first and foremost caring for the four he has entrusted me with . During the goodbyes , four year old , Fabien walked over to his father and just matter of factly said " im leaving , ill never see you again . " I was quick to correct him and assured him and his father that of course they will see each other again ! As we were pulling away , Jumanne informs me that his mother has told him to now call me ' mama ' and the other children all agree that they have been told to call me ' mama ' too . My heart fills with joy but in all honesty , fear sneaks in too . What an incredible responsibility . I am taking these children from the poorest of the poor aPosted by I am going over to Arusha for ONE WEEK only , and will be bringing back Christmas goodies ! Please let me know QUICK if you want to place a specific order ( all orders should be emailed by Nov 27th ) . . . if you are not sure , or don 't see this in time , I will be buying the scarves , coasters , and stars and will be having some Christmas shows if you want to come have a look . But it 's best if you already know , to contact me to ensure you get what you want ! I am also bringing home a new shipment of SANDALS for the spring . New Designs and they are so cute ! ! So get excited ! And best of all , as always , ALL proceeds go directly back to these angels . . . . ( hdupree @ gmail . com ) ( excerpt from last year ) Christmas is RIGHT AROUND the corner ! Please consider purchasing one of these amazing little African gifts for not just Christmas , but maybe birthdays , shower gifts , hostess gifts , anything ! All the profits will go to these children pictured below . I am raising money to help them with school fees , food in their tummies , and a roof over their head ! Please see previous posts to learn a little about each of them ! They are my heart and soul and let them become a part of yours too ! If you are interested in an item please just email me at hdupree @ gmail . com and let me know the details of what you want . I will quickly respond with how you can go about purchasing . Happy Shopping ! ! ! Miriam ( 6 ) , Fabien ( 5 ) , and Jumanne ( 9 ) many varieties of scarves $ 20 eachnapkin rings $ 25 for sixThese were a favorite item last year . Christmas ornaments ( but can be used year round , key chains , home decor , etc . ) $ 10 each $ 5 for five braceletslittle baskets $ 7 each or three for $ 20big baskets $ 35Coasters ( another favorite ) $ 30 for 6THANK YOU ! ! ! ! ! Introducing Fabien ! And I like to call him Fab for short , not to make him sound feminine but because he is FABULOUS ! He has the most contagious spirit ! He is constantly smiling and just hammin it up for the camera . Does he know he is this delicious ? ! : ) Fabien 's mud hut is right across from Jumanne 's . Over time visiting Juma and the girls , I started getting to know Fab and his family and their situation . He is blessed to have both his mother and father still living together along with his older sister and younger brother , plus his mother 's 15 year old sister . And I felt like he was doing well because his family was all still in tact . However , over time I felt like the Spirit was telling me , just because he has two parents it doesnt mean he does not need help . There are 6 people living in a tiny hut made completely of mud and rats that run all over the place . The children are not in school and many times do not have enough food . It is so hard when you are trying to help people , because you can get trapped by the mindset of I have to help the most desperate ones ! But who I am to say who is the most desperate ? How can i determine who needs what the most ? I have been trying to go against any of my own natural instincts and just go with who Jesus tells me to help . So here he is . . . . . . Fabien ( 4 years old ) Posted by Friday night I decided to have a little dinner party with soda and spaghetti . The guests included Jumanne , Hadija , Miriam , and Rehema . The children , as usual , were sooo hungry ! I bought a crate of soda and they had so much fun picking out which flavors they wanted ( Fanta , Sprite , Coke , etc . ) It was all they could think about , but I made them wait until we sat down for dinner . Jumanne 's favorite thing to do at our house is take a shower . It must be a nice change from cold bucket showers . . . While he was enjoying the treat of warm water pouring down on him , the girls and I had a photo shoot in my room . Here are Miriam and Neema singing He 's Got the Whole World in his hands . . . Miriam rocking the cowboy boots ! The girls just laughing at who knows what . . . I love this pictureThen Jesus said to his host , " When you give a luncheon or dinner , do not invite your friends , your brothers or relatives , or your rich neighbors ; if you do , they may invite you back and so you will be repaid . But when you give a banquet , invite the poor . ( Luke 14 ) After visiting Jumanne in the village yesterday I was walking back to my car when I was struck in awe by this little girl about 5 years old who ran up to me " How are youuuuu ? " she says . . . she was literally bubbling over in personality and spunk . She was filthy dirty and in clothes that she could have been wearing for days . She had a cut on her face but was smiling from ear to ear . I asked her where she lived and to take me to her mama . When i got to her house all I found was a little old woman washing clothes . She informed me she was her grandmother and had been taking care of Miriam and her sister since they were babies . Their mother left them after their father got sick . Life is hard . Only she is left to care for them . Why do i keep encountering these same situations ? Why ? What do the futures look like for these babies ? The girls are not in school but the grandmother is doing the best she can . I went back to see Miriam again yesterday . She ran to me and threw her arms around me ! I just met this little girl but I 'm just as attached as she is . We spoke with her grandmother again and got a little more information . Both her mother and father are alcoholics . The mother left Miriam when she was 5 months old ! The father is still around but is usually drunk whenever he comes home . The grandmother is struggling to care for 6 grandchildren on her own . When I left yesterday Miriam chased me to the car and wanted to come with me . I can 't believe how willing and desiring these children are to just go with mere strangers . Maybe even at the ages of 4 and 5 years old they realize it may be their only escape . . . . I am beginning to feel as though if I followed up on every child I find wandering through these villages , I would meet the same situations . . . its overwhelming . Miriam above and her sister Rehema below Please look at her sweet little hand on mine . . . This is Jumanne . I met him a couple of weeks ago around 8pm outside the grocery store . It was dark and he was all alone . I was getting out of the car when this sweet face looked at me and in swahili he asked me for bread . Unfortunately I see street kids a lot and i never give to them because all it does is perpetuate the problem of begging . But for some reason God granted me His compassion for this boy . I bought him some bread , milk , and water and then insisted we take him back to his village . The next day I went to his home . If you have seen Slumdog Millionaire , that is what you can picture as his house . Complete slums . He is 8 years old and has not seen his father in three years ! He lives with his mother who is a street sweeper and his three sisters . Being the only boy he is now the ' man ' of the house . He is 8 . It is now his responsibility to provide when his mother 's $ 1 a day salary runs out . He is 8 . He is in 4th grade but its nearly impossible for him to do any homework in this tiny shack with no electricity , no quiet , no supplies . He would rather be out playing soccer with his friends . He is 8 . But his little sisters need baths , they need water to be fetched , their needs to be food . He is 8 . I could not get Jumanne off of my mind and my heart . The situation while there are so many like his was just weighing on me so heavily . There is an African circus in town this month so i decided to take him . We got there had sodas and popcorn and i watched Jumanne more than the show . He was mesmerized by the lights , the sounds , the entertainers . He was clapping and cheering ! It was pure delight ! After the circus we ran into his two younger sisters at the same grocery store where I met Jumanne . They were filthy dirty as usual and in the same muskybrown clothes I had met them in . We decided to pile them all in my car and take them home for dinner . ( we told another kid from the village to tell their mother ) We got home and I couldnt wait to give them all baths ! Afterward the water was a murkybrown color . But now they were clPosted by The other day I went on a tour of some of the local schools and I couldn 't believe what I saw and learned . When I walked into a class room of the primary school in the village Neema was born , there were three rows of desks all practically touching each other . I asked the teacher how many students were in this class . She told me 60 . . . SIXTY ? ! For one teacher . Then I learned that many teachers at the government schools are " high school drop - outs . " When a student fails at school they are often sent to teacher colleges as an alternative and then sent out to teach primary kids . They are suppose to be teaching these children english but they don 't know it themselves much less other subjects . When students have a question or need help , the teacher is unable to guide them leaving only the brightest of bright children with much hope of their own advancement . Volunteers and child sponsorship are our biggest ways to generate money for food , clothes , and teachers salaries . LOHADA wants to make sure we are able to continue paying the qualified teachers that we have . Thanks for reading ! ! Posted by I am sad to say that my dad has returned home . Our African adventure is over . . . . for now . We had the greatest time ! Many people wanted to know if we went on safari or climbed Kilimanjaro but the truth is we just did not have time ! But my dad really got to see the best of Africa . . . the hearts of the people . We spent time in the village , visited several orphanages , went to two different churches , attended a Young Life club and just really embraced the people of Arusha . One day we visited the home of my friend Calvin 's grandfather . He is probably in his eighties and lives in this tiny mud hut no bigger than most our walk - in closets . With four of us in there , he couldn 't close the door . He was cooking his lunch ( maize and veggies ) on an open stove . He spoke very little english but it was one of our absolute favorite memories . We prayed over his house and just spent some time with him . It might seem awkward to sit with someone in silence when you dont speak the same language but it 's not . Jesus totally fills the gap . Another one of my favorite memories was when Calvin and his friend Vincent cooked dinner for us . We hiked around the village to gather all of the ingredients . . . avocados , bananas , rice , tomatoes , peas . . . . yummmm . Then we went home and the two boys in their young twenties prepared for us a delicious african meal . Just as we were about to sit and eat there was a blackout . . . . TIA . So we lit some candles and gathered around the small table and feasted in the dark . In Africa , its typically better to be home before dark or at least don 't be traveling on foot . However , this night the dinner went a little later than expected and there was no easy way for a taxi to get to us so we had to walk home . This meant traversing through rocky dirt roads , crossing a river , and hiking a path all the way back to the main road via the the little light our cell phones could provide . After dinner we prayed for safety and off we went . . . But as soon as we stepped outside I felt like I was in a movie . . . it was not nearly as dark as Posted by One thing I love about Africa is no one is in a hurry . . . . it really makes the day seem longer . I cant believe we have only been here 4 days we have already done so much ! Wednesday morning we of course went and visited baby Neema in her village and lets just say she is not a baby anymore ! She is talking so much ! ! ! Its all swahili so who knows what she talks about all day but she doesnt seem to mind that I dont understand her . I took her with me to dinner at Alexis and Jacqui 's house and we had so much fun as they were able to translate everthing for me . She is actually really witty apparently . She is doing really well , and im so happy to be with her . We have visited Lohada and met the director and we plan to go to the second campus which is where the school is located next week . We have also already been out to Cradle of Love to see those babies and it was amazing to see how they too have grown so much ! it was so fun to see all the sweet nannies who i had grown so attached to ! The new infant facility is done and there were so many preemie infants , very tiny and sick . It made me so sad . Last night Dad and I went to a restaurant called Blue Heron to see some of my friends from church play guitar and drums . It was a big reunion among a lot of our friends from last fall . It was so good to see everyone again . Life in Arusha is wonderful . The weather is perfect ( about 70 ) , the people are so lovely , and the Spirit is alive and well here ! I hope you all are doing great ! I miss you ! It is Wednesday . The last few days have been a blur . I have been running around trying to get everything ready for another 6 month ( ish ) stint in Tanzania ! I am thrilled because my dad is coming with me for the first 2 1 / 2 weeks and he has never been to Africa ! We leave on Monday May 18th ! It is a very exciting time as I know he too will fall in love with the culture and her people . I cannot wait to introduce him to this place where I have been absolutely captivated . : ) When he leaves I will then go on to work with a Tanzanian organization called LOHADA . There are several projects within LOHADA : an orphanage , a school , a family rehabilitation program , and a program that supports the elderly . In addition to helping out with the daily needs of the children , running supplies back and forth between campuses , and filling general gaps , my main role will be to serve as the volunteer coordinator . Volunteers are one of the main ways LOHADA generates income and there are many great needs among the children and families . As summer approaches , if you are a high school or college student or maybe someone who is jobless at the time , please look into coming and working at Lohada for a few weeks / months . We will set you up with a Tanzanian family and provide all of your meals and perhaps take a day or two for safari ! If you are interested , want more details or know someone who might be please contact me at hdupree @ gmail . comI am extremely excited to return to African soil and continue partnering with orphanages in the hope of connecting more people to the heart of Jesus . Thanks for reading and more updates to come soon ! ! www . lohada . org The Gospel of John has always been my favorite book of the Bible . I have to say that I recently noticed something I never have before . ( I love how no matter how many times you read Scripture , there is always something to learn as it is God 's living word ! ) But I read something recently that I just found to be really encouraging . Not only does Jesus tell his disciples that when he ascends into Heaven that they will do miracles greater than He , but even when he was with them He let them take part in His miracles . When Jesus turned the water to wine in Chapter 2 , he could have just said the word or blinked his eyes and it would have instantly been wine . . . . but no , he said to his servants , " Fill the jars with water . " The people got to take part in his miracle . Later in Chapter 6 when Jesus fed the 5000 , he could have given all of the instructions and fed everyone himself miraculously placing food in front of each person , but no he told his disciples , " have the people sit down . " When everyone had all had enough to eat he again said to them " gather the pieces that are left over . Let nothing be wasted . " The disciples did not just stand there and watch , they were an active part of Jesus provision . God does not need us for His purposes , he is the King of Kings . He created the Earth and everything in it . It all belongs to Him . But how awesome that our Maker wants us to be a part of his story . He has not changed he is still performing miracles all the time and I think he longs for us to trust him enough to be a part of His glory ! I hope you feel inspired to get with Jesus and do the " impossible " ! ! : ) Posted by Over the the last few months I have felt a bit like my life has been " on pause " or " in a time of preparation . " I am working at a job I know is temporary , living at home with my parents , and in constant thought and prayer about the future . The emotions one experiences in a time such as this run from sky high to deep lonely lows . In preparing for my next steps back to Africa , I have often felt like I am in the middle of the game " Mother May I ? " There have been times where I have taken leaps forward , but only to then be met with two steps backward . Then another few hops ahead oh wait take two ballerina turns the opposite direction . I wish I had been able to blog about all the ups and downs I have faced , but the truth is I have been trying to be intentional about keeping this journey private . As I seek the Lord and His will for me , I have found it best to minimize the number of voices that will try to compete with His . With that being said , I do have a great group of precious people in my life who I do go to for wisdom and counsel . People who truly know my heart and who I know are committed to praying for the will of God and are not going to only tell me what I want to hear . In John 10 : 4 it says " His sheep follow him because they know his voice . " God speaks to me in many ways , but one of them is through these dear brothers and sisters who love me and hold me accountable . A revelation I have recently realized is that living out these days until I get back to Africa is not living at all and it is not what God would have me do . I love Africa and I have a heart for the children there , but that should not be my life 's passion . My ministry is every second of every day no matter where I am . I am called to LOVE . I am humbled as I am constantly renewed and restored by his grace . I am reminded that I cannot fully comprehend his greatness . Be careful because when you start to think you have got it figured out , he will peel away what we think he wants from us only to draw us into a deeper more intimate relationship with him . ThaHeath For the past few weeks I have been working at Tin Lizzys trying to make some money before I head back to Africa . First , can I just say that I think everyone should have to work in the service industry at at least one point in their life ? ! I look at restaurants so differently now . It has been a lot of fun but at times very stressful ! I have learned a lot about people and how specific they can be about what they want . " Extra this . . . . " " Hold that . . . . " " Bring this on the side . . . . " And unless you want to embark on World War Three you better keep the diet cokes coming ! Working in the restaurant business has been quite eye - opening . It 's just a little bit different than ministry . : ) Often I find myself in the kitchen with the mexican cooks and cleaning staff . They bring me back to my heart for the Lord . They , like the people in Africa , are so unassuming and so humbling to be around . Jose is our main cook , his wife Dalia buses the tables , his younger brother Chava is the second cook , and Dalia 's nephew , Dario also helps in the kitchen . When we speak to them in English , they respond in Spanish , so communication is fair at best . But I find that I connect with them the most . There is just something to be said about having to relate with people in ways other than talking . The four of them along with Jose and Dalia 's three year old son Jonathan all live in one apartment . They came to the US three years ago for a " better life " but when I ask them if they like America - they tell me they would rather be at home in Mexico . Why is it that these people who come from places like Africa and Mexico where there is nothing and no opportunity want so badly to go back ? Chava is 17 years old , he has made it to America , he could build his whole life here , achieve the American dream . . . but he longs to go back . Why ? Maybe because he left behind his parents , ten brothers and sisters , and a community that despite their own desperate situation reaches out to those whose somehow appears worse . Perhaps Chava , who has come from a place that hasn 't smHeath Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path . Psalm 119 : 105This verse speaks volumes to me right now . God has been so faithful in directing my steps these past few weeks . He is opening doors and closing doors and affirming me in the direction I should go . I am so incredibly thankful . I have to say that though some closed doors have brought heartache , I have to be grateful that God has answered my prayer . If I truly want to follow Him and surrender my personal desires , than I have to be prepared to accept his authority over my life . I have to trade my tears for the hope of His plan which is greater than any plan I can devise on my own . Sometimes it gets hard because I become impatient and want to know immediately the outcome of certain situations , but it is in these days , weeks , months of waiting that I am trying to grow into a woman of wisdom and patience . I want to become more like my African friends who rely on Him for their every need . They rely on Him when they see Him and when they don 't . I also want to always remember to be grateful . Today I am especially grateful for : God 's sovereigntyfaithful prayer warriorsfinancial provisionhealth and protectionand an amazing Shepherd who has divine goodness and mercy throughout my life and forever ! This past weekend I went to the lake with some of my best friends from college . A couple of times one of my friends noticed that I seemed more quiet and reserved since coming back from Africa . She was right , I have actually recognized it about myself as well . But the truth is , I have just had so much on my heart lately . Over the last few weeks , I have found myself faced down before God just praying for His wisdom and for his guidance in my life . I so desperately want His will and not my own , however when faced with such life altering decisions , sometimes its hard to differentiate His voice among the numerous voices surrounding me . Especially when certain voices are those with whom I have a great deal of respect . What do you do when God may be asking you to do something that seems crazy maybe even irrational by worldly standards ? It is really hard . . . lately there have been a lot of questions , a lot of tears , and uncertainty but if I sit with it long enough I hear " Trust Me . . . . " And isn 't this how we were designed to live ? Constantly on our knees , looking to him , seeking His will , and searching for our security in Him alone ? I know why I don 't put myself in these positions more often . . . because it is scary and uncomfortable to not know how things are going to turn out . But the reality of it is , no matter how cushioned I think I am . . . I still don 't know how things are going to turn out ! So why am I scared ? Jesus says throughout scripture " Do not be afraid . " So I cling to the fact that I am His . . . and it 's not about me , everything is about Him . He will make my paths straight as long as I am keeping my eyes on Him . I know that He loves me and has a plan for me . What an awesome God that he reveals Himself in His time not to frustrate or worry me but because He longs for a relationship with me . He wants me to trust Him so that he can just be who He is . . . the Mighty King of all creation ! So when I 'm tired , confused , lonely or lost , its often because im trying to live out of my own flesh . God lets me fight those little battlesPosted by |
I always make a big effort to understand the stresses underlying my children 's behavior , and to deal with it accordingly . For my son especially , behavior is communication , and I try to always get the message . Many , many times I hand out " get out of bad behavior free " cards when it 's clear that factors outside the child 's control are making it impossible to get and keep a grip . So why can 't I ever get one of those cards myself ? Last week , I had terrible hayfever problems . If I didn 't take medication , I was constantly sneezing . If I did , I fell asleep where I stood . The inability to take a breath without serial sneezes took a toll on my temper , and I 'll admit , I was impatient with all around me . Now , if this was my son , wracked with sneezes , I would forgive him any amount of misbehavior . But does he return the favor ? No ! The more impatient I get , the more in need of patience is he ; the shorter - tempered I become , the more temper - trying he gets . Then , of course , I have his meltdowns on my head . I know , really , I do know and understand and accept that my son needs emotional equilibrium from me in order to keep his own . And most of the time , I am up to that task . Most of the time , it makes me feel good to be the one who sets the tone for our family life . But when I don 't feel good , it 's a heck of a burden . Certainly , nothing to sneeze at . A fairly amazing thing happened last night when my daughter and I finished her nightly homework assignment of free reading : She liked it . She liked the first chapter of a new book so much she thought she might like the whole book , and she was interested to find out what was going to happen next . Not so much that she wanted to read the next chapter right then , but it 's a start . Her teacher this year in 5th grade is making these reading assignments in the hope of doing just that - - finding the book that will make a kid say , " Okay , maybe this reading thing isn 't so bad after all . " At least so far , this has been at the expense of a big comprehension push on the stories in the reading textbook , which is fine by me . My daughter is on her third novel since the start of the school year , and that 's a bigger achievement than getting a good grade on an essay test . Of course , by " novel , " I 'm not talking " Harry Potter " here . Her teacher steered her toward a couple of short books with short chapters and plenty of pictures , and seems to have hit it just right . I 'm trying not to hope for too much , but it sure would be nice to see my girl get excited about reading - - or at least not face reading with unmitigated dread . We 'll take it one chapter at a time . My son is in love with one of his summer - camp counselors , which would be cute if she wasn 't a married woman with children of her own , and if he wasn 't so entirely obsessed . He has her picture by his bed and talks to it regularly , he has an invisible version of her who lives in his room , he insists on hanging around outside of school until he sees her arrive to drop off her son , he wants to know if she 'll still be alive when he 's a grown - up , and if he can marry her then . If he had a car , he 'd be a stalker . ( " And knowing him , it would be a very nice car ! " said his love interest when I mentioned that to her ; so at least he 's got a girl with a sense of humor . ) It 's a little creepy , but really , I guess I should be glad that my kids are targeting older , unavailable members of the opposite sex for their crushes instead of either harassing or hooking up with classmates . Obsessive attractions with classmates could be hazardous , however they play out ; while the likelihood of my son getting into any trouble with that nice mom in the red Jeep , or my daughter with Regis Philbin ( her particular crush object ) , is pretty slight . Still , I 'll be glad when my guy stops bellowing the name of his beloved across the schoolyard every morning . Last thing I need is her son challenging him to a duel . I went to a class parents ' meeting at my kids ' school this morning . It 's embarrassing to admit how much I live for stuff like this . Even though class parenting mostly just involves calling people at 6 a . m . to ruin their day with the news that the schools are closed , I love having any kind of role in my children 's school experience . I would hang around the school all day if they let me . I would even clean the classrooms ( but don 't tell the custodians that , okay ? ) As it is , I count the days to the next meeting or the next library session or the next teacher conference . It 's true , I 'm obsessed . So it 's hard for me to understand why some parents might not be . You only have to take a look around half - empty classes at Back to School Night to know that some folks are , to put it nicely , disengaged from their children 's school experience . I mean , Back to School Night , people ! They let you in the school ! You get to sit at your child 's desk ! You get to find out if their teacher speaks clearly , looks nice , smells bad . How can you resist ? I suppose there are people who have conflicts - - work , child care , transportation - - that keep them from being able to show up . But , you know , if they asked me nice , I 'd go to their kids ' classroom , too . I love this stuff ! We had some excitement here on Saturday in the form of an ambulance , a police car , two paramedics and a policeman . The occasion of their visit was not , thankfully , a problem with my kids but with their grandmother , who lives with us . She was sick enough that her doctor had ordered me to call 911 , but not so sick as to be in serious danger . So the whole spectacle of emergency vehicles coming to our home was more thrilling than chilling . The men who came to our house were friendly , professional and efficient , but what impressed me most was how kind and understanding they were to my son , who was jumping around so excitedly he could easily have just annoyed them . Instead , one of the paramedics asked me for my son 's name , and then called to him and asked him to go wait for the police car and show the policeman where to come . When the officer did arrive , he cheerfully answered my boy 's questions about the police car and allowed his keys to be examined . When they left , the ambulance driver gave the siren a blast at the kids ' request , and then they were gone , leaving my son with an exciting story to tell anyone who would listen : " Two Fords came to our house , an ambulance and a police car ! " I was sorry to hear the news that one of the few magazines I take the time to read regularly , " Rosie , " is soon to be no more . Its namesake has apparently tired of fighting with editorial types to see her vision realized - - and having worked for a women 's magazine and been an editorial type myself , I don 't blame her one bit - - and is bowing out of her publication as she did her TV show . Some will take this as yet another example of the foolishness of depending on celebrities , and they may be right . I think it 's yet another example of the impossibility of making real , radical changes in an established magazine format , and I may be right , too . At any rate , I 'm sad to see it go . Although unable to break out of the fashion - makeup - recipes - decorating women 's magazine mold , I thought " Rosie " did some interesting new things with those old standbys . The appearance of stars of varying wattages in its pages was similarly unavoidable , but again , the celebs were employed creatively , and if that didn 't always work ( as it turns out , I don 't really want to take parenting advice from actresses ) , I appreciated the effort . I thought the writing was generally good and refreshingly opinionated , a departure from the even - handedness most women 's magazines apply so heavily that no conclusions can ever be drawn . Most of all , though , I liked " Rosie " because it felt like a parenting magazine for * me * - - for a middle - aged mom with kids adopted well past infancy , who couldn 't care less about diapers and breast - feeding and playgroup politics but is very interested in articles about adoption and kids with special needs and social issues affecting children . If the publishers of " Rosie " are going to turn it into yet another magazine ( it was originally " McCall 's " ) , I hope they 'll keep that slant . Probably about as much chance of that , though , as of the magazine being rechristined " Caroline Rhea . " The recent story of a mom who was caught on a parking lot security camera beating her daughter has given me chills , but not for the reasons it should . Of course , on some level , I 'm appalled that a mother would treat her child that way , and glad for the child to be brought to safety and the parent to justice . But at the same time - - man , would * you * like your worst parenting moments to be caught on tape and broadcast on the TV news ? Without for a moment condoning child - beating in any venue whatsoever , I think I can say that the notion of security people scanning video screens looking not just for car thieves and muggers but for parents behaving badly makes me want very much to never leave the house . Anyone else getting the heebie - jeebies ? I guess it 's true these days that security cameras are always with us , in the bank , in the convenience store , in the parking lot , in the dressing room . They 're there when we drop embarrassing personal items into our shopping basket , they 're there when we try on hideously poor - fitting clothing , they 're there when we pause by a shiny piece of reflective metal to check our hair , they 're there when we give the car next to us a door ding and then try to pretend we didn 't , they 're there when we lose our temper with a cashier or a spouse or a child . Most of the time we allow ourselves to forget that we 're being watched ; but stories like the one about the parking - lot mom make me remember , all too clearly . And personally , I 'm not so ready for my close - up . Last night was " Back to School " night at my kids ' school , and I 'm feeling cautiously optimistic . The new superintendant of our district , who happens to have kids at our school , made a speech in which he correctly identified the problems the district is facing , including my pet peeves of poor communication and lack of thoughtful long - range planning . Of course , as many a politician has discovered , there 's a large and scary space between identifying problems and actually doing something about them . But identifying is good . I was happy to see that my son 's classroom was arranged appropriately for his particular special needs , and that the teacher was doing things like starting the morning with exercises and giving rewards throughout the day . His textbooks were at the right level and all the adults in the room seem pleased with him ( and there are a * lot * of adults in the room - - a teacher , a classroom aide and two one - on - one aides vs . six kids ) . So far , so good , I guess . I 'd already been to my daughter 's classroom and met her teacher , but it was nice to see where her desk was and notice the folder with two A tests on top of it . The year 's starting out well . But we 'll see . " Cautious " is about as high as my optimism meter goes these days . My son is fascinated with the idea that the MRI he had on Thursday took pictures of his brain . He 's sure that when we see the doctor today , she 's going to give him some snapshots that he can take to school and show around . He 's been promising people that they 'll be able to take a look at his brain soon . He 'll probably be disappointed when he actually sees what the camera took , if the doctor even has the results there to show . Clearly , he 's expecting something along the lines of a nice little brain sitting on a tabletop , posing for Polaroids . His first words to me upon waking up were , " Where 's my brain ? " Although I tried to explain how the camera takes its pictures of the brain through skin and bone , I think he 's still pretty sure we removed it for its screen test . As for me , I know the MRI results don 't look like anything a 9 - year - old would consider to be a brain photo op , but my expectations are probably pretty unrealistic , too . In my dreams , those scans will unlock some secrets of my boy 's lobes , illuminate his strengths and weaknesses , suggest ways to help or hinder . And of course , I 'm hoping that those indications will match the ones I 've cooked up in my own personal brain cells . Whether they 'll answer any questions at all , much less the way I want , is for us to find out this morning at 10 a . m . I hope useful information isn 't as unlikely as 8x10 glossies . Well , the bad news is that my son really did have a seizure last week . The abnormal spikes on the EEG backed up with the inability to move his left arm and leg that I reported were enough to convince the doctor that he 'd had one , and what I saw was the aftermath . Since this is only the second seizure in the eight years he 's been with us , the doctor 's advice was not to panic , but just to keep a closer eye on him . Hard to imagine we could watch him any closer than we already do , but I don 't mind trying . The good news , if you can call it that , is that I got a little validation for my observations . I was pretty sure that the EEG would show nothing , and I would be left with no relief for the vague feelings of guilt over making a big fuss over something that might have been nothing . Now I know that it was something after all . It 's nice , once in a while , to know you were right . That small feeling of triumph wasn 't quite drowned out by the way my son behaved at the doctor 's office , although he sure tried . What is it about doctors that make kids bring out their most extreme behavior ? My son is never more wild than when he 's being examined , and my daughter is never more shy and inarticulate . It makes me want to place secret cameras all around our home and school and compile videotapes of my kids being their funny , ineractive , wonderful selves . Then maybe I could leave the kids at home for the exams entirely . So a new TV season is beginning yet again , and again I 'll probably miss most of it . It 's hard to watch TV before my daughter and son go to bed , because they 've got our two sets locked onto the Disney Channel and the Food Network , respectively ; and it 's hard to watch it after they go to bed , because I tend to fall asleep the moment I sit down . I have a couple of old favorite shows I make time for , but they 're getting fewer and fewer as my stamina decreases and cancellations increase ( okay , so I 'm still not entirely over the fact that " Once and Again " got the hook ) . There 's not much this year that looks so wondrous as to remake my schedule of kids and sleep . The one show I did set my clock for was Bonnie Hunt 's new sit - com , called " Bonnie " or " Bonnie Hunt " or " The Bonnie Hunt Show " or something original like that . I 'm a big enough fan of the actress that I 'm putting my self - imposed ABC boycott ( see " Once and Again , " above ) on hold for half an hour on Tuesdays to see if she can survive on the " Now You See It , Now You Don 't " network . I was even able to convince my daughter to turn off Disney 's other channel long enough to watch it with me , since she 's seen " Return to Me " with me a dozen times and was up for watching " that blond lady " in something else . Turns out a large slice of the cast of " Return to Me " is in the sit - com with her , and it was fun for my daughter to see all those actors in new roles ( and confusing , since she hasn 't completely grasped the fact that the characters in a show and the actors who play them are two separate entities , and I know she was secretly wondering why Charlie the Veterinarian and the waitress and the " water lady " were all doing different jobs and wearing different hairstyles ) . She liked it all enough to watch it again next week , and so did I . Any family show that can make my family seem calm and organized by comparison is going to keep me coming back . Lovely news this morning from European researchers , who report that the germs in dust actually protect kids from developing hay fever and asthma . Don 't you love it ? All of us slovenly housekeepers have been magically transformed into health - minded moms , just like that . Put down the feather duster , girls , and have another cup of coffee . I 'd be feeling really good about this news except that , alas , my mother did keep a dust - free house , and now I am beset by horrible hay fever . Clearly , Mom did not pass the Need to Clean down to me , and so I may be able to keep the Need to Sneeze 10 Times in a Row from my own kids . The Need to be Lazy , though . . . ah , it may be too late for that . My son put himself to bed last night . That 's a remarkable occurrence , because we 're talking about a boy who usually has to be lassoed , wrestled , and forceably restrained to get him under the covers . But last night , Mama and Papa both fell asleep themselves well before kiddie bedtime - - me , because of an allergy medication that was not kidding when it said it would make you drowsy , and my husband , because , well , because falling asleep in front of the television is what he does - - and the little ones were left to fend for themselves . Our daughter used that freedom to watch a Disney Channel movie all the way to the end , then sit in her room listening to music and combing her hair and waiting for someone to stir . But our son , we found in his bed , all tucked in and sound asleep . Now , of course , the system 's not perfect . He was tucked in with the blanket under his chin on a warm night , and so was covered with sweat . And he hadn 't gone to the bathroom pre - tuck - in , so we had to wake him up and go through the whole bedtime routine anyway . And of course , it wouldn 't have hurt either of these young people to just GO AHEAD AND WAKE US UP when bedtime came and went . But if we can refine things a little , get the little guy to remember his pre - bed bathroom trip and the big girl to stop combing her hair and go to sleep , maybe we could just go ahead and stop pretending and set the adult bedtime in our house a half - hour or so earlier than the children 's bedtime . Goodness knows we 're the ones who are really tired at the end of the day . It 's beginning to look as though I have enough personalized address labels to last me well into the next century . I didn 't buy them , of course ; they come daily , unbidden , free but with a catch . I suspect that everybody who has ever donated to so much as one charity is in the same boat , and that that boat is about to sink under the weight of tiny slips of sticky paper . Donate to one charity and you 'll hear from ten more , and all will want you to enjoy their lovely gift of return address . I don 't know when address labels became the charity come - on to end all charity come - ons . My parents certainly had to buy their address labels , and there are still catalogs that offer them as though they were something to spend money on . But the idea to give them away for free - ish is sure a good one , for they put the potential donor in a potentially beneficial bind . It seems wasteful - - and maybe dangerous , in this day and information age - - to throw out something useful with your name written all over it ; and while it seems coercive to pay for something you didn 't ask for , it also seems dishonest to use something provided by a charity without providing something in return . And so , good - hearted sucker that I am , I usually do send a donation . But it 's starting to get out of hand . I have more of these things than I can possibly use , and still they come and come and come . It 's about to the point where I 'll challenge any charity to send me a come - on without address labels , and I 'll double my donation . Wouldn 't surprise me if threats of that nature - - " Donate immediately , or we 'll send you 500 address labels ! " - - start cropping up in dunning letters any day now . In honor of the new health guideliness issued by the National Academies ' Institute of Medicine ( see today 's Hot Health Headline ) , I started yesterday morning with a little bit o ' fitness in the form of following an early - morning exercise show . I was pretty proud of myself for getting up early , and pretty glad that the workout wasn 't hard , until I realized that perhaps this was a workout show in name only ; the exercises were few , and the shots of the bikini - clad female instructors shaking their anatomy at the camera were many . I 'm thinking that lumpy middle - aged women trying to trim down are not the demographic for this show ; I 'm thinking it 's guys who 've been up all night drinking or studying and want to look at jiggly babes before falling into a coma . Of course , even if the half - hour workout had been vigorous , it wouldn 't have been enough to get me off the hook with the National Academies ' Institute of Medicine . The new recommendations propose an hour or more a day of moderately intense physical exercise , and . . . an hour ? a day ? are they NUTS ? They 're saying it will give me good cardiovascular health , but I 'm pretty sure it would cause full cardiac arrest . Besides , who has an extra hour lying around , or the energy to fill it with exercise ? And what counts as " moderately intense " ? Probably not a walk with my son , which involves momentary bursts of speed broken by long minutes of staring at leaves or interacting meaningfully with bits of trash by the side of the road . So forget those guidelines ; if I make it out of bed for thirty minutes of televised calisthenics , I 'm going to call that a darn fine fitness commitment . And tomorrow , I 'm going to try the TV show that comes on half an hour later . I don 't know if the workout 's any more intense , but at least there 's a muscular guy among the instructors . Yesterday morning , when I went to wake my son up , I found him on the floor . I asked if he fell out of bed and he said yes , and shook off my attempts to help him up . But it soon became apparent that he couldn 't get up by himself . Every effort found him flopping back down on his left side . He didn 't seem to be able to move his left arm and leg , which were if possible looser than their normal loose muscle tone . At first I thought he might have injured them in the fall , but he denied any pain ( although , since he doesn 't feel pain very well , I couldn 't be too sure ) . With great effort I got him up on the bed , and after about 20 minutes he was able to move the limbs again , and after about an hour any residual weakness was gone , leaving only an extra helping of silliness in his behavior and some extra slurriness in his speech . I probably could have sent him to school , since he was ambulatory by school time . I probably could have just added this to the list of things to mention to his neurologist when he sees her next Monday . I could have taken a calm , wait - and - see view . But instead , I kept him home and took him to the doctor , who on the basis of my account scheduled an MRI and EEG for today . And there , I think , is the root of the problem : On the basis of my account . Everything I do for my son has to be based only on my observation and articulation . He can 't say what 's going on , and I can 't trust his report if he does , because it 's liable to be either fanciful or an echo of what I 've said to him . I can 't even entirely trust that he couldn 't move his limbs because he says he didn 't . He seemed scared , and I put weight on that ; but the rest is guesswork . And because of my guesswork , my guy has to be sedated and put through tests . What if I 'm just making too much out of nothing , turning every little thing into a crisis to manage ? That same problem - - excessive reliance on my own observation and guesswork in the face of communication disabilities - - seems to face me everywhere I turn with my kids . Doctors grill me on my observations but share precious few of their own , and what they do share seems so heavily based on their interpretations of my interpretations that it 's hard to put much credit in them . School teachers and officials seem to distribute honest information on a need - to - know basis , and even when you can prove your need to know , there 's always spin , even from the very best , most concerned teachers . So I 'm left to create scenarios in my head , and act accordingly , without knowing if I 'm solving problems or making them . It 's enough to make me want to crawl under the blankets and hide . . . if I thought anybody would do anything in my absence . • Never accept an afternoon appointment for a test that requires a child not to eat or drink anything . Because my guy was being sedated , he was on strict orders not to eat anything for six hours before the test . Last time he had an EEG , it was first thing in the morning , and no eat / drink was no problem . This time , the test was at 1 p . m . , which meant no eating and drinking through a very long morning of " Mooom , I 'm staaaaarving . " Never mind that there are many mornings in which I have to force my son to eat breakfast and drink something with it . You always want what you can 't have . • Never accept an appointment that falls around lunchtime . Did I say the test was at 1 p . m . ? That might have been true had the entire staff of the hospital not apparently taken their lunch break from 12 : 30 to 1 : 30 . The woman in admitting didn 't really want to find out why nobody could find record of our appointment or the referral our pediatrician 's office had faxed ; she just wanted us to go away so she could go to the cafeteria with her girlfriends . And once we did get to the MRI front desk , we gave our names to the just - about - to - go - to - lunch receptionist and then saw nobody else for an hour . The anesthesiologist showed up about the same time the receptionist came back . Folks , if you have an appointment with McDonald 's at 1 p . m . , make your appointments with patients for 2 . • Never forget that one or two competent people can make the difference . I was in a panic by the time the doctor arrived , because if this hospital couldn 't even register people competently , how were they going to sedate and test my boy ? But in fact , while the little things in our visit were frustrating to the extreme , the big things went fine . The actual medical professionals in charge of his care were confident and competent and ran us through the two procedures smoothly and expertly . Once they showed up , I had no complaints about the process whatsoever . Too bad we had to slog through two hours of bureaucracy to get to them . Today is the last sweet day of summer vacation for my kiddos , who start school tomorrow morning promptly at 8 : 45 a . m . My daughter has been calling friends to find out who 's in her assigned class , my son 's been completing the immense packet of worksheets his teacher asked him to bring back in the fall for a prize , and I 've been quietly obsessing over whether the proper preparations will have been put into place for my two to have an appropriate academic experience . After two months of almost daily phone calls to the special education office , I finally have something of a satisfactory answer as to whether my daughter 's instructional aide will really be qualified to instruct , and whether my son 's teacher will be experienced enough to handle him . But I 've been misled before , and I won 't relax until I 've seen , met , and consulted with said personnel . A pursuit which also begins tomorrow . When my daughter groans about how hard fifth grade is going to be and my son sighs about losing the freedom of summer , I tell them that they should think good thoughts , and expect their experience to be wonderful . I suppose , then , that I should take my own advice . But being a good special - ed advocate can be emotionally wearing ; so rarely is the outcome actually anything approaching wonderful , and it 's hard to get those hopes back up another time . Whenever I try to micromanage my kids ' educational set - up , I regret it ; but whenever I take a hands - off approach , I regret it , too . Finding the middle ground between those two is a perilous thing , fraught with offended teachers and appeasing administrators and poor choices hastily made . I 'll do it again - - I have to do it , because it 's pretty sure that nobody else will - - but I 'm looking forward to it about as much as my daughter is fifth - grade swimming . Today , after my kids get home from the first day of school , begins the paper chase . Or rather , the notebook chase , the ruler chase , the pencil chase , the folder chase . For today 's the day we finally get the list of the school supplies their teachers expect . And , like seemingly every other family in town , we descend upon Staples . No dancing down the aisles like that man in the ad for me ; I 'm elbowing down the aisles , pushing aside small children to get to that last glue stick . Why the school doesn 't give us these lists at the end of the previous school year - - or at least with the class assignments that come a couple of weeks before the start of the new one - - I 'll never know . It seems downright sadistic . I suppose I could get an early start by picking up some basic supplies , but even the basics are often subject to the specifics of teacher preference in ways I could never guess . Not any spiral notebook , but one with a specific number of pages . Not any pen , but ones in specific colors . Not any ruler , but one made of a specific substance . If I tried to shop ahead of time , not only would I still have to shop on the first day of school , I 'd have to make exchanges . I spent the summer calling the special education department on a near - daily basis , trying to wrest from them three pieces of information : Would my daughter get a proper instructional aide this time ; which class would my son be in ; and would my son have the same one - on - one aide he has had for three years now , the aide who knows him and handles him so well and whom he adores . For two months , I was told to call back , call back , call back on the first two - - but on the last one , I was assured that they 'd never switch . That was always the thing I could count on . It happened fast , and out of my sight . When I called the school on Tuesday to make sure everything was in place , his usual aide was there and waiting for him . When I dropped him at school Wednesday morning , ditto . But some time between 8 : 45 a . m . and about 2 p . m . , when the child study team leader ( God bless her ) called to warn me that a change had been made , our long - known and trusted aide was spirited away and replaced by somebody else . I called the special ed department again - - again ! - - to complain , but it turned out the change had been made by the school principal , who had been left in the lurch when a classroom aide quit and had poached my son 's aide to fill the hole . And I can 't blame him . She 's wonderful . She 'd make a fine classroom aide , and I hope they give her the job for good . She knows the kids in the classroom she 's filling in for , which makes her a natural choice . The principal has to put the good of many kids above the good of one , and I understand that . But none of it means I don 't want her back , bad . It 's always like this , one way or the other , with special education . Every time I feel like I have my ducks in a row , somebody knocks them over . Sometimes I wonder why I even try . And sometimes I wonder whether somebody 's staying up late trying to think of ways to screw things up . So now , of course , not only are all of his buddies in the class behind , but so is his longtime aide , having been moved to the position of the classroom aide for that group ( see yesterday 's dispatch ) . There 's nobody in his new class who knows him at all now . The teacher sent home a rules sheet yesterday and included among the consequences removal of recess time , which I thought everybody knew by now is a really bad choice for hyperactive kids . The rules include things like " listen carefully " and " be polite and respectful " which are infinitely open to teacher interpretation and infinitely difficult for a child with FAE to get a handle on . So right off the bat , I 'm worried . And I see his friends from last year running around together and wonder why I ever thought it was an acceptable idea to pull him out of that and put him in a more challenging situation . I could probably get him put back with his old group . But then , of course , I 'd kill myself worrying that * that * decision was wrong . I 'll meet with his new teacher next week and see what she has to say for herself . Maybe she can convince me that she understands how to handle my guy - - not just handle him but nurture him , bring him along academically and behaviorally in a way that will make me end the year bursting with " Mommy pride . " I 'll believe it when I hear it . 50 Ways to Support Your Child 's Special Education looks at all those things you can do outside of those annual IEP meetings to promote success - - from getting a better start in the morning to helping with homework to communicating with the school . Parents have the power to make a difference , and I 've got some great ideas on how to do that . Ask for the book at your local bookstore , or buy it online from Amazon or Barnes & Noble . |
I am such a bad blogger . It could be because I am so busy that I can 't seem to keep my head above the water ! ! ! There has been so much going on in the lives of the Hills that its hard to keep up . I get an email every once in awhile about the lack of information on our blog . So , here goes . Molly will be 6 in January ! We are anxiously awaiting the arrival of her birthday . She must talk about her " Fancy Nancy " party atleast twice a day . She and I have collected tea cups and saucers for her friends and she can 't wait until the day comes when she can celebrate her birthday with them . She chose " Fancy Nancy " because , well , quite frankly - she is Fancy Nancy ! The girl is full glam ! She uses BIG words and I think learns a new ' fancy ' word every day ! She learned to ice skate in Oklahoma a couple of weeks ago and now she is officially ready for the Olympics ! She and Oksana Bahul ( sp ) grew up in the same town in Ukraine . Speaking of Olympics , Molly 's other passion is gymnastics . She has always had a talent for gymnastics but I never wanted to push her . She would go each week , pass her skills tests each time , and just go with the flow . Well , one day , she began to do flips in the yard and became quite the daredevil ! She looked at me one day and said " I want to do one of those backflips like Nastia . " ( meaning Nastia Luikin ) . So , I spotted her in a back handspring and the next thing you know , she is trying it on her own ! So , I enrolled her in private lessons with Coach Stephanie so she doesn 't break her neck ! Stephanie says she is VERY good for a 5 year old ! I don 't want to be one of those pushy moms that thinks my daughter is the best so I am just " going with the flow . " What happens , happens . Madeline - well , our baby is 8 months old ! She finally rolled over from front to back and then back to front . I never know how I will find her in her crib in the mornings ! She flips and flops all over the place . I think she must watch her sister and then attempt to do the same gymnastics in her bed ! ! ! She cut her first tooth the day after ThPosted by I 've been thinking ALOT today about " B " - not sure why but she has just been on my heart . I started doing " YouTube " searches on videos of adoption . Of course , I ran across this one . I do hope and pray that when Madeline meets her one day that she will thank her for giving her life . I am thankful to " B " and her absolutely unselfish act of placing her child with us . I will love this child with every ounce of my being . I still can 't believe she is in our home . I also pray that Molly will get to meet Victoria one day . I know Victoria thinks of her daily and loves her so much . I just pray that I continue to tell Molly of just how much she does love her and that she chose to give her life ! Please join me in praying for all the birthmothers out there . I can 't imagine what they must go through when they place their child in another 's arms . Wow - its been way too long since I updated this site . It was brought to my attention when a friend asked if things were okay because I had not updated the blog . Shame on me : ) I can 't believe our baby is 6 months old ! ! ! ! Its so hard to imagine that its been that long since God brought her into our lives . She has changed so much and its amazing to see her personality coming out each and every day . The girls were both baptized at church on September 28th . It was an amazing time and we are so very thankful that our church is so supportive of us and our adoption . We thought it was important to have both girls baptized and dedicated to the Lord . Its also important to us that our church is involved in helping us raise these two precious gifts from God . We had many friends and family there to support us and to show their love for our girls . Today was a big day - Madeline finally rolled over . Its been quite frustrating to hear all these other babies her age having mastered the art of rolling over at such an early age . I was beginning to worry a little because I feel like we work on it all the time . She absolutely hates tummy time so it was quite an effort to get her to do it . But , she did this morning ! ! ! When I walked into her room during nap , she had rolled over again and was kicking the musical mobile to make the music turn on . She is so smart ! She rolled over again tonight just for her sister ! This month has been exciting in the life of Madeline . She ate her first baby food and I must say that she takes after her daddy - her favorite is sweet potatoes ! She loves them ! We now eat baby food throughout the day and it has given her more incentive to sleep harder during the night and naptime ! ! ! That is great news for all of us . Madeline also took her first trip to New Orleans to meet her uncle , Michael . This was their first meeting and they both fell in love with one another . If you remember , Michael and his wife , Cristi , are expecting their first , Sydney Claire , in December . Michael was able to get lots of practice with MadePosted by Well , we moved ! It was very short notice and it all happened at once but it has been a huge blessing ! Our associate pastor and his wife have been called to a church in Illinois . They had a prayer request one Sunday at church that they really needed to rent their home . Craig and I have been renting a precious home but it was beginning to feel really small . We were looking at homes and couldn 't decide whether or not to buy or rent . Well , it all worked out and we have moved into their home . Of course , we did it on the same week that a major Hurricane was projected to hit the Texas coast . In the beginning , Hurricane Ike was supposed to hit south of Corpus Christi which would have put New Braunfels in the upper right side - the worse side . So , we prepared ourselves by buying bottled water , canned goods , and battery operated fans . We also moved the movers up a few days because we didn 't want to be moving in the rain . Well , it worked out that Craig was out of town ! ! ! So , my mom , Craig 's business partner , PMI Movers , and myself moved our home ! It was so much fun : ) and the girls were great . In the middle of all of this - it was time for my ballet school to start so I welcomed 55 dancers over a three day period to ballet class . It has been quite an interesting week ! My sweet friend , Page , showed up at my new house to help me unpack boxes . Two friends from Houston evacuated to our home and have kept the girls entertained . Then , on Saturday , Page and her family showed up at our old home to help get all the " little " stuff boxed , loaded , moved , and unloaded . They were work horses ! Then , my sweet friend , Shelly , showed up to organize my kitchen cabinets with Mom . They have done SOOOOO much and I am soooo grateful ! We have been so blessed to be members of incredible churches in this town with incredible friends . We met so many wonderful people and had such a great support system at Oakwood . Then , we moved to RCV and were blessed with wonderful friendships . And , now we are at Christ Presbyterian and we continue to be blessed by aPosted by I wasn 't sure how to title this post . We 've had so much going on that I am not sure what I would call it . We do spend alot of time at home but we are so blessed to get to have fun time with friends . Madeline is now 4 months . We went to the doctor on Wednesday and she is 11 pounds 15 ounces , 24 inches long and growing . She is still tiny but she is much bigger than when she was born . I think she is doing fine but the doctor ordered more " tummy time " so that she can start to roll over . She did roll over from front to back once ! She absolutely HATES tummy time ! But , we followed doctors orders and tried it . I could only handle the screaming alittle bit and then I gave in ! I am a sucker ! We went to the Ski Lodge today with some friends and we put her in the pool for the first time . We have been so blessed to have my god - daughter , Kayla , with us all week . Craig and Mom were out of town so the extra set of hands was nice ! Kayla is excellent with children and she will make a great mommy one day but for now , she is only 12 . I have attached a photo of Madeline in the pool - she LOVED IT ! Molly , Craig , and I got to spend the day with some friends at Sea World last week . We had a great time ! Craig and I were able to act like kids and ride all the rollercoasters - it was a blast ! ! ! Molly loved the Shamu show and she even got a little teary eyed ( along with her mom ) at the overwhelming feeling of seeing this huge whale do tricks . Madeline has been in Kindermusik and loves it . Her Aunt Brooke does a great job and we are having so much fun . We 've taken a break from it and will start back in September . Ballet starts the second week of September and I am already full ! More than half the students are NEW ! ! ! Praise God ! I am so excited and I have really missed my little dancers so much . I think that is it for now . Here are some new photos and I hope you enjoy them . Blessings , The HillsPS - I don 't know if anyone even reads this thing but I 'll keep it updated just in case : ) Wow - its been 4 years since we were given custody of Molly Rebecca Hill . Boy , how time flies . I can still remember sitting in that court room waiting to hear the verdict ! We were there for an hour and a half and the questions just kept coming . We were interviewed by so many people about our intentions of adopting Molly . I kept thinking to myself , " Are these people serious ! ? " Anyway , God is good and He gave us Molly on August 5 , 2004 . We were beyond relieved ! ! ! I will post my original post from that day . But first - we had an AWESOME Adoption Day Party ! As I looked around the room last night , I got teary eyed thinking of what a blessing we have in our friendships . There are so many stories of adoption among our friends and its amazing how God has used adoption for His Glory ! Enjoy the pictures - Molly is so blessed to have so many people who love her very much ! Thank you to all my friends for your love and support 4 years ago and since that day ! ORIGINAL POST on AUGUST 5th , 2004 : August 5 , 2004 - " We name Craig Alan Hill and Amy Rebecca Hill the parents of Molly issued by the Court of Ukraine ! " Those were the words we heard today ! She is ours ! Court started at 3 : 28 PM - the prosecutor was not there and the judge asked Dennis to go pick her up . She came in and actually started talking to the ladies behind us . She seemed to be in a good mood . Court began with the judge reading the documents that we had submitted earlier today . The letters from the US Embassy , the letters from Dib Waldrip and Carter Casteel , updated NAC letters with my corrected name and others . Once that was done , the questioning began . Craig was questioned first by the prosecutor . She asked him questions like about our finances , our family , the health of the child and pretty much grilled him for 30 minutes ! He answered everything perfectly ! I was so proud of him . The prosecutor even smiled at times when Craig answered . Then , it was my turn . I just took a deep breath and said " Be yourself ! " She asked me about my job , if I was aware of the medical diaPosted by I can 't believe its been almost a month since I posted last . I used to be on this thing so much but I guess having a newborn takes a little more time than I am used too ! ! ! Don 't get me wrong , I love it ! Madeline is growing so much and she finally hit the double digits in her weight ! She is now 11 . 3 pounds and growing . She even has a few rolls on her thighs . She won 't appreciate me saying that when she is 15 ! Madeline is becoming more vocal everyday . She has decided that she really likes to hear herself talk and most of the time its on her changing table . Its the funniest thing but she talks more while I change her diaper than anytime throughout the day . We aren 't sure the fascination with the changing table but its so cute to watch . She is now in Kindermusik and loves it . She loves music and I hear it helps with so much of her development ! She is the youngest one in there and its cute to watch her face and her expressions with the various types of activities . We were able to see Madeline 's birthmom a few weeks ago when she got married . We were invited and got to witness such a precious ceremony . I have mixed emotions because I feel like B is a daughter to me . She , her now husband , and her son moved to Vegas . I am so happy for her and want her to start over but I miss her terribly ! She called last week and I was so excited to talk to her ! ! ! I hope that one day we can travel out there to see her but we are waiting on her invite . Its still so hard for her to see us at times and I don 't blame her if she wants to be distant for awhile . Madeline gave her a precious bracelet on her wedding day as well as a book called , " Never , Never , Never Will She Stop Loving You . " Its so precious and I substituted her name for the name in the book . I hope it touches her life like it has ours ! ! ! ! I still thank God every day for her ! Molly starts kindergarten this year ! She is going to a private school for two days and then I am homeschooling the other three days . I have already heard ALL the comments I possibly can hear and I 'm okay - pePosted by It was 4 years ago today that we met Molly Rebecca Luba Hill for the first time . I will NEVER forget that day as long as I live ! The fact that she jumped into my arms the minute she saw me still makes my heart leap ! I can 't believe that we have known her for four years because I can 't ever imagine my life without her ! She has been the light in our lives , the apple of our eyes , and what makes us wake up in the morning . Thank you , Lord , for bringing Molly into our lives . Below is a the journal entry from 4 years ago along with a photo that was taken that day ! July 7 and 8 , 2004 - For some reason - it would not let me on yesterday . Of course not , on the day that we met Molly . This Internet Cafe is quite large with many computers . But , that seems to be the worse - it takes up so much that the systems are very slow . Anyway , we met Molly yesterday . She came right to me and clung on to me for dear life . She has blonde hair , brown / gray eyes , and weighs 19 . 8 pounds - however , we fed her alot today so she is probably close to 20 pounds . It looks like she wears 12 - 18 months clothing so she isn 't as small as we thought she would be . Today , the 8th - she was pretty fussy . Looks like she is cutting 4 teeth ! ! ! I will bring Tylenol tomorrow . She would have nothing to do with Craig today - but that 's understandable - they don 't see men - EVER . So , its alittle strange . Plus , she was fussy and tired today . That 's okay though . She screamed when I gave her to her caretaker for her nap . Needless to say , I screamed too ! It was terrible . I think I cry every minute ! Craig told me I have to stop crying but I just can 't ! ! ! ! Now I know what its like to leave a child in the nursery ! ! ! ! Its hard ! We moved closer to her orphanage - a five minute walk . The caretakers let me feed her whatever I want so she got bananas , cookies , and juice for the first time . She walks , or should I say runs ! She talks , eats by herself , drinks by herself - and is very independent . She 's a doll and I love her very much ! We are hoping to get her photo on here but its nPosted by Wow , I can 't believe its been so long since I 've blogged ! I was so addicted there for awhile but I guess the busyness of life gets the best of us ! We left June 18th for Gulf Shores to visit my dad . We spent a lot of time on the beach and the girls had a blast . Madeline absolutely LOVES the beach and the sound of the waves put her into a deep sleep . It was nice to have a beach tent so that she could stay under it for the entire day . She even put her toes in the water but didn 't like that as much as the pool . Molly is my beach bum . She could stay in the sand building sand castles all day if I would let her . It was also cool to have her uncle as the beach lifeguard ! We would set up right in front of her lifeguard stand so it was neat seeing Jonathan in action saving the lives of so many people at the beach . We even got to see a couple of water rescues ! Go , Jon Jon ! Craig joined us in Tallahassee the next week . We made the 4 hour drive to visit my friend , Laurie . She gave birth to a baby boy two weeks before Madeline . It was great to see her ! ! ! ! Her boys are precious and its so cool that we have children the same exact age - funny how God does that ! Craig got to do some fishing with my dad and played with us on the beach . It was fun to visit with family and get a tan while doing it ! I talked to " B " right before we left . She is planning on moving to Las Vegas this week . Please pray for her as she makes this move . She , her boyfriend , and her little boy are planning on making the move . I would love to see her before she leaves but I am waiting on her to call me . I don 't want to overstep any boundaries ! ! ! Well , I think that is all for now . We came home to a HOT house with our A / C unit out ! We are still waiting for someone to come fix it - its been three days ! It reminds me ALOT of Ukraine ! ! ! ! Oh , how I miss Ukraine ! ! ! ! ! Blessings to all ! Madeline is really growing ! We weighed her this week and she has grown to be 8 pounds . I still think its all in her chins - yes , that is plural . She is still so tiny and people continue to make comments about her size . She is just precious ! This week was a milestone - she began to talk to us . Well , maybe not us but the ladybugs on her changing table cover . She loves them and always has lots to say to them when her diaper is being changed . Its so funny to hear her and we 've tried to really capture it on video . It sounds like she is saying " hi . " She also likes the monkey , bird , and frog on her swing 's mobile - she could stare at them forever ! She has also started smiling at us and I 've even heard her giggle a couple of times in her sleep . Its so stinkin cute ! Madeline loves Molly ! She can be upset and Molly will start talking and she quiets down - its so precious . Molly is doing so much better as a big sister . I think in the beginning she thought she was being replaced but now she is pretty certain that she is staying . Summer has officially begun at our house ! With the temperatures in the high 90 's , it almost feels like August ! I can 't believe its so hot , so soon . But , we are scheduled to go to the beach to see my dad in late June and can 't wait ! Happy Summer ! The Hills Here is Baby Robinson ! My brother and his wife , Cristi , are expecting a baby due December 7th ! ! ! ! I AM SO EXCITED ! Cristi has been on bed rest and will go back to work tomorrow , but keep her and this precious baby in your prayers ! ! ! ! Today was the most wonderful day ! We got to the courthouse around 1 PM to meet Jana , our attorney . She instructed us as to what would happen in court and we were alittle nervous ( okay , maybe it was just me ) ! We were there to terminate rights of Madeline 's biological parents and then to adopt her as well as change her name . We also made the decision to re - adopt Molly and give her a Texas birth certificate . This helps in the future if her Ukrainian birth certificate ever gets misplaced . Like that would EVER happen in the Hill house ! ? ! The judge was awesome ! She asked Molly , Craig and I to raise our right hand and she swore us in . I felt so official or like I was on TV ! She asked Molly if she really wanted to be a big sister and was she up to the responsibility . Molly quickly told her that she wanted to become a big sister today ! The judge told her that because she came to court and asked to be a big sister , that she would grant this adoption ! It was precious . She then asked us to come behind the bench for pictures . She showed Molly all her pins on her robe and told her she would call her in a couple of years to check on her . Then it was done ! ! ! I could breathe ! I couldn 't help but grieve for B today . I got to talk to her this morning . She and M ( her boyfriend ) were in a horrible car accident on Friday . She broke a couple of ribs and can 't do much . Please pray for her ! ! ! ! ! My heart still breaks for her . I am forever grateful to her for giving me this precious life to love and care for ! ! ! She has helped fulfill a desire of mine since I was very young . May God bless her for a courageous and selfless act ! ! ! ! ! Happy Adoption Day Molly and Madeline ! ! ! ! ! I never in a million years would have thought that I would be celebrating Mother 's Day with two precious girls ! I can remember in the summer of 2001 being told that we would not be able to have children . I can recall sitting on the floor in my pink " princess " pajamas and crying . I remember Craig saying " We will get through this . " But , in my hardness and bitterness , I did not want to believe him . I struggled with the words but assured him that I would be okay . After years of trying to bear a child , I had no clue the joy that these two little ones 7 years later would bring to my life ! In 2004 , our lives changed with the adoption of Molly from Ukraine . Before adopting her , to be honest , I had no idea where Ukraine was on a world map ! I knew it was close to Russia and that is about it . Now , Ukraine is very special and dear to my heart and I left a piece of me there when we departed on September 11 , 2004 . Molly is one special child and she is identical to me , drama and all ! We are peas and carrots , peanut butter and jelly ! We are the best of friends and I love being her Mommy ! ! ! ! Then , came Madeline . I remember saying over and over to numerous people - " I don 't have to have a newborn , I am really done with diapers , formula , potty training , and such . " Little did I know that God had something very different in mind for our lives . Little Madeline was due today - MOTHER ' S DAY ! But , she chose to come 5 weeks early and surprise us ALL ! ! ! Even though things are not set in stone and the adoption is not final , she is mine . I love her as if I birthed her . I know what she likes and what she doesn 't like . I know how she wants to be held and that she would prefer her feet and arms out rather than covered . I know that she is hot natured and that she loves to sit up versus being on her back . I know that she prefers a certain bottle over another and she LOVES her big sister . There is a part of me that wants to remain guarded until all is signed and final . But , no matter what happens , she will always be my daughter . A wise woman ( Jane MiPosted by Well , its almost a over . The waiting has been so hard . We had to wait 30 days to file a petition to terminate paternity rights . Well , Thursday marks the end of the 30 days . It will take a couple of days for the court to get back to us on our filing . So , we are hoping to go to court next week . I spoke with B 's grandmother today . Apparently , R has been calling asking about " his daughter . " Because he is in jail , he has to call collect so the grandmother has not been accepting the charges . So , we will wait and see what happens . I am nervous but there is nothing I can do so why worry . I am so thankful that I believe in a Sovereign God . I know that He is in control . I may not feel it all the time but I can find comfort in knowing that He has my best at heart . I stared at this precious angel while I fed her a few minutes ago and I grieve just thinking I could lose her . I don 't feel like we have anything to worry about but there is that little reservation ! Again , we serve a BIG GOD and He is in control ! ! ! ! Madeline is doing great . She is growing so much and changing so much , so fast . We are now officially in " newborn " clothing and diapers ! ! ! ! No more preemie stuff . I can 't believe that she is 4 weeks today . It seems like yesterday that she was born . But , then again , it feels like she has been in our lives forever . I love this child ! I love her as if I gave birth to her . Everytime I hold her , I am so thankful to B for her gift to us . I miss B so much and pray that she is okay . I sent her a package the other day and she received it yesterday . Her grandmother said she was excited to receive it and even cried . Oh , my heart still breaks for her broken heart . I really love that girl ! ! ! Molly is doing well . She loves being a big sister . She is such a big helper and I am so thankful to have her in my life . You should really hear her play . She has quite the imagination and I love listening to her on a daily basis . Well , I need to take a nap while Madeline is sleeping ! ! ! ! ! Blessings , The Hills Boy , its a been a whirlwind the last week or so . As many of you can tell , we have an addition to our family . She is the most amazing little thing I have ever laid my eyes on . I 'll never forget the day she came into this world . God started the day with a 3 . 7 earthquake 60 miles from our home and then ended it with the birth of Madeline Grace Hill . I drove to SA to pick up B for her regular doctor 's appointment . She was taking a shower and fixing her gorgeous wavy hair ! All of a sudden , B doubled over in pain . She started having contractions and we timed them at 4 minutes apart . She said it was the worse pain she had ever felt . We quickly got into the car , made a stop at Jack in the Box for chocolate shakes ( yummy ) and headed for the doctor . By the time we left Jack in the Box , the contractions were 3 minutes apart . WOW - she was in so much pain and I hurt for her . I wanted it to stop so desperately for her . We got to the doctor and the Nurse Practioner checked her cervix . 7cm dialated , 100 % effaced , and bulging bag of water . Her doctor 's office is across the street from Methodist and a tunnel under Medical Drive connects them . They put her in a wheelchair , draped blankets over her and we were on our way to Labor and Delivery . Everthing was happening so fast and I quickly made some phone calls to Craig , Camille , Shelly , and my Mom . WE WERE GOING TO HAVE A BABY ! Once inside L & D , things moved so fast . She was contracting so much and I felt so sorry for B . They gave her an epidural and things slowed a bit . The doctor came in about 5 and broke her water . Then , it all began to happen . . . Fast moving nurses , doctors , surgical techs , people everywhere ! Her precious boyfriend , M , got on one side and me on the other . Sweet B pushed three times and then there she was ! I can 't explain what happened to me that day in Labor and Delivery Room 27 , but I can assure you I 'll never be the same . I cut the cord and then they took her to evaluate her . Craig drew close to the baby and I stayed with B as we both cried our eyes out ! I lookPosted by Oh the waiting is so hard ! But , I know that God has perfect timing and that precious little girl will make her appearance when its time . We go to the doctor with B tomorrow at 2 : 30 and we 'll know if she has dialated any more than the 4 cm at the hospital during Easter . I am guessing that she has dialated even more based on some of her symptoms but we 'll wait and see . I will be posting an update tomorrow . I do have the baby 's bag packed and the infant carrier in the car just in case the doctor sends us to the hospital tomorrow . You just never know . : ) I 'll update tomorrow . Blessings , Becca , Craig , Molly and Baby Sister to be ! ! ! ! ( we are leaning towards JennyLynn Grace Hill but we are not set on it - we have to wait and see her ! ! ! ) On Friday , April 4th , my great uncle passed away and went to be with the Lord . Mom was on her way up to Virginia when he died so she did not get there before he passed . She was devastated and still is . She is up there helping them and planning his funeral . I am so glad that she is up there with my Aunt Polly . When we adopted from Ukraine , Uncle Bubba wrote us almost everyday . He was so in tune with the adoption and prayed fervently for us the entire time while we were there . When we got home , he had printed out all of our journal entries and photos and bound them for us . It was the sweetest gift ! He was so dear to our lives ! You can read his obituary at http : / / www . henryfuneralhome . net / index . cfm Here is a photo of him . I am glad that he is dancing on the streets of gold with his brothers and sisters ! ! ! ! ! ! If you guys could just keep us in your prayers - that would be great . Without going into too much detail , just pray for us . Pray that God 's Will is done and that I would submit to that Will even if its hard . I know God is in control and I know He has everything worked out according to His plan . I must trust that right now more than anything . I am learning a lesson in trust like I learned in Ukraine with Molly . I thought I learned that lesson already but apparently God thinks I need to learn it again ; ) Thanks to all of you for your sweet messages ! Blessings , Becca and the rest of the gang . . . . I am beginning a new Bible study on Humility and boy is it humbling ! I 've never really thought of myself as a prideful person ( does that mean I am ? ) It 's a fine line but I am pretty sure my life is full of pride . One of my biggest issues is trusting God . In an effort to control my life and distrust Him , I am manifesting a prideful nature . I always seem to think that God has so much on His plate , that He needs my help at times . I 'm sure He is up there thinking , " I don 't remember putting you on the payroll to control your problems . " I 'm sure He gets a kick out of watching me trying to take the wheel . There is so much to take " control " over in my life . The main issue is this adoption . If I say the right thing , do the right thing , pray hard , believe even harder , then B will place her child with me . But , in reality , none of that matters . It is important to pray , its important to believe , and its important to act in a moral manner - but that will not change the outcome of this situation . God has ordained this from the beginning of time and there is nothing I can do or say to change it . Why in the world do I wake up every morning thinking I can ! ? B and I had a great conversation on Sunday . She has been hurt lately and my heart breaks for her when she is broken . Like I have said before , I have really grown to love her . She is more like family than anything and I pray that she feels that way too . I hope she knows that I am not just flying in and out of her life just to benefit myself . I know that I have been put in her life for a reason . Anyway , back to humility . I was feeling alittle down today for some reason . I have a lot of things going on internally that I find hard to get out . My hormones are out of whack right now . I am hoping to breastfeed and I am on many herbs and meds to induce lactation . So , my moods are not easily controlled . Here I am not wanting to " control " the situation and bother B , so I made sure I did not get in touch with her today . I don 't want to be desperate and act like a " baby starved wing nut " - Posted by It supposed to be 4 weeks and 2 days until the BIG DAY ! But , I have this feeling it will be alot sooner than that ! B is having a contraction about every 45 minutes and feeling some pressure in her belly . The baby is not moving as much and seems to be in position for delivery . So , we 'll see ! I got to keep her son yesterday ! We went to Chuck E Cheese , HEB Plus , Walmart , Ice Cream , and Jason 's Deli . We had the best time and then it was time to take him home . When we got there , he didn 't want me to leave . So , he got his diapers , pajamas , and a change of clothes and headed to New Braunfels with us . He spent the night and was sooooo much fun . He is so cute and followed me around saying , " Becca , what you doing ? " He just turned 2 but his vocabulary is like that of a 3 year old . You can really tell that B talks to him normally and not like a baby . You can also tell that she spends a lot of time with him and has taught him alot . We took him home after lunch today and he started crying when we left . I wanted to take him home but he needed to spend time with Mommy . She loves him soooo much ! And , he loves her . We are on our way to the storage unit to get more baby items . We are going to wash all the clothes , put the crib and cradle up , bring in the changing table , and get the clothes put away . I got the diaper bag out of storage too and plan on packing that tonight , just in case ! You never know when we will get a call from B telling us she is on the way to the hospital . We do have a doctor 's appointment on Tuesday so if everything is okay the next few days , we 'll go to it . I wonder what is on the doctor 's agenda if she is dialated more ! We are still thinking she is further along but we 'll see . I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend ! I have a few prayer requests . . . My friend , Jamie - her dad was diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus . My friend , Cherie - she has cancer and her lungs are not cooperating . Her oxygen level is at 80 % ! My friend , Camille - she found out some devastating news about the little girl she hosted at Christmas fPosted by How do you get excited without being insensitive . I feel bad about something I told B today . I got so excited that my friend , Devin , gave me some little baby clothes and I mentioned it to her . I am now afraid that I was being insensitive . I want her to feel my excitement so she knows that I will love and care for her little girl as much as humanly possible . But , how do I relay that excitement and still be sensitive to her struggle with letting go ? I have grown to love B so much and I would never intentionally be insensitive to her or her feelings . So , if you have any ideas , please let me know . The last thing I want to do is trample on her feelings during all of this . My goodness , she is making the largest sacrifice of her life ! She is giving me her child to love , cherish , and take care of . B is my first priority . I feel that God put her in my life for a reason and its not just to adopt her child , its to love her . I am just trying to make sure I am in check with everything . Thanks in advance for the advice . . . . Becca I 've received many phone calls and emails checking on B 's progress . Nothing new as of today but that could change at any moment . I still feel like she is further along than the doctor 's are saying based on her symptoms of early labor . The baby seems bigger and acts as if she is ready to make her grand entrance . We just hope and pray she is fully developed when she comes out into this big , big world . I 'm sure God is growing her just perfectly ! I am getting so very excited ! People ask me all the time if I am excited and of course I am ! ! ! ! I am nervous too but not that B will change her mind . I just want to make sure I have everything ready for her arrival . My dear friends , Camille and Laura , surprised me and told me they were giving me my infant car seat ! I cried ! That is so incredibly sweet and now I have something to take her home in when we leave the hospital . My dream of not having a car seat is over and done . I was thinking of outfits to bring her home in and I remembered that I have the dress I came home in from 1971 ! I just need to find it . The cool thing is that we will be delivered at the same hospital so that makes its extra cool . B was delivered there so that is triple the blessing . Methodist is a great place to have babies - they really know what they are doing . We got a taste of that during our hospital stay this past weekend . I have a couple of prayer requests regarding B and her boyfriend , M . M really needs a job . He is trying to make a fresh start and really wants something where he can do something he loves , that is working on cars . I sent him some jobs over email yesterday that I found in the SA paper . I really hope something happens for him . He loves B so much and wants to take care of her . He called me yesterday and was so excited that he just sold his rims and stereo equipment . He immediately put money in the bank and I was so proud of him . Please pray that he finds a job soon . Also , please pray for B . I know that she is struggling with how hard this is going to be . She is so certain in her decisPosted by Well , B was checked out of Antepardum on Sunday afternoon after having no other signs of labor other than being 3 - 4 cm dialated . So , she went home to complete bedrest . I 'm not sure if she 'll heed the warnings of the doctor , but we can only hope and pray . She is not resting well and she is very uncomfortable . She is certain that she is further along than the doctors think . She delivered a full term baby last time they weighed 6 pounds . She is very small and the father is small . So , they may just have small babies : ) I was diagnosed with bronchitis last night so that explains the cough that I have had for a week . I got some really good antibiotics and I am on my way to recovery ! ! ! ! ! Thank you , Lord ! We have a busy week this week with getting into the groove of things . Ballet starts again as well as Molly 's school . Spring Break was good and it was nice to have a break from things . We met with the attorney today at B 's house and she signed the preliminary paperwork with her intent to place the child up for adoption and chosen us as the parents . That was pretty exciting but we know that nothing is a done deal until after the official paperwork is signed and sealed . Thanks to everyone for their encouragement and their prayers during this time ! Blessings , Becca , Craig , Molly and Baby Girl Hill ( name still to be determined ) We received a call at 4 : 30 AM on March 20th from our birthmother 's dear boyfriend . She was having 11 contractions an hour and in a lot of pain . He rushed her to the hospital and they immediately admitted her into Labor and Delivery . Of course , this will make our 3rd trip to the hospital in two weeks . However , this visit was different - she was there to stay . Her doctor was on call and checked her cervix - she was dialated to 4 cm ! So , she wasn 't going anywhere . They adminstered several different medications and finally found one to work . The contractions stopped and the cervix went down a little bit . The doctor said she will be there until the baby is born . Her original due date was April 28th but she may not make it until then . She was moved the Antepardum floor where they have a lot of women who are high risk pregancies . Our little one is only 33 weeks but there are women there that are 24 and 27 weeks along . In fact , the 27 weeker delivered yesterday weighing in at 2 pounds 1 ounce . He 'll be in NICU for a while . We also saw another little one coming in on LifeFlight in an incubator and headed straight to NICU . We are hoping and praying those little ones hang on and fight ! B was given hospital privileges , which means she can ride in the wheelchair 20 minutes a day twice a day . She is so excited ! She also gets to wear her own clothes and not that gorgeous hospital gown . The food stinks though so I make frequent trips to the food court or Whataburger down the street . Life in Antepardum can be quite boring . The rooms are big but there is not a lot to do . We have many magazines , word games , cards and movies ! You can only watch so much TV , which B does not do too often . We get frequent visits from friends and family ! The doctor are hoping that she atleast makes it to 34 weeks , which will be next Sunday but they are hoping even more that she makes it to 35 weeks ! Two more weeks laying flat on your back - yeehaw ! Thanks everyone for the prayers ! Its so exciting to think we could have a baby soon ! We have not even preparedPosted by Well , we are almost packed and ready to head out in the morning for Gulf Shores ! We are so excited and think the break will keep us sane . I can 't believe we have only 6 weeks before the arrival of our little one . I had a dream last night that she arrived and I was not prepared at all . Molly and I frantically searched for a car seat for the little one and could only come up with one that was way too big . It was funny but we quickly made our way to Target to get a pretty pink one . It was the wildest dream and the baby was soooo small . I guess I am having dreams like a pregnant mom would right before the birth of their child . Who knows - but you should hear some of my dreams . Its beautiful here today in Texas . It was 95 degrees yesterday and it felt like summer . We are anxious to get near some saltwater and soft sand for a week . Molly is really looking forward to seeing her Pop and Mia . She told us last night that it sure is more fun seeing them than just talking to them on the phone . She packed her suitcase early this morning and is waiting ever so patiently ( ha ha ) for tomorrow morning . I hope and pray that Pop and Mia are ready for us to take over the condo with our bag full of Barbies and babydolls . Nothing new on the adoption front . We are just waiting patiently . We view the ultrasound pics quite often . We seem more like bragging grandparents showing them to everyone we know ! Its funny to see people 's faces when they try to determine how to actually read the ultrasound pics . Well , I hope that each of you have a wonderful and blessed Easter . May we all remember what was done for us on that day many years ago . Hallelujah that He is Risen ! Well , we saw and heard her today ! She is so stinkin cute ! I mean , I know its just an ultrasound and I am alittle bias but come on - you can see alot in those things ! She looks great in Black and White . Our precious little birthmom is so cute too . We had a couple of " false labors " this weekend . It first started on Friday afternoon with contractions and a trip to Labor and Delivery . After spending a couple of hours in the hospital , they sent her home . Then , on Sunday , she thought her water broke but after another trip to the hospital , they assured her it was nothing but told her to come back if she felt anything else . She is only 31 weeks along so we want this precious baby girl to stay in her tummy for atleast 4 more weeks . When we saw her today , she was completely stretched out and relaxed . I think she was even sleeping . Her lips were puckered as if she were blowing kisses . Again , it was too cute ! We remain guarded but so excited . Our birthmom asked if I felt this little girl was mine and I said " Of course ! " I do mean that but I don 't want to seem desperate , you know ? I do feel like she is mine and I have seen excitement in Craig like I did when we were headed to Ukraine to get Molly . So , I am trusting that God has prepared our hearts for what is to come . We continue to pray for His will to be done , not ours . Molly has picked out some names of our little one . . . . Savannah GraceElizabeth Jane ( to be called Lizzie Jane ) Madeline GraceJenny Lynn ( after my mom 's sister that was killed at age 17 ) Ariel - Molly 's favorite though I am not too fond of it : ) I think she had just watched " The Little Mermaid " Emma - I know WAY too many Emmas but Molly likes it - don 't think it will happenLauren ElizabethI think that is it for now . Molly 's longtime favorite name is Katrina Frosting Hair Done - not sure where she came up with it but that is the name of most of her dolls . Anyway , Mom told me to come up with a list of names and when we meet her for the first time , we will know what to call her . So , I am trusting that advice ! I will kePosted by I write this with a VERY cautious but excited heart . I have asked God over and over to please guard my heart ( all of our hearts ) in this process . We wait hopefully and patiently for the arrival of a new addition to the Hill family . A few weeks ago , we found out that the child we hosted for Christmas , Oksana , was not available for adoption . Our hearts were devastated . We wondered why in the world God would allow a child to come to the US , melt our hearts , and then not be available . We went through many different emotions and realized that God most likely had something else much better for our lives . Our hearts broke for little Oksana but realized that she does have 5 older brothers that can take care of her once she ages out of the system . We are praying that her parents get their act together and can come get all of them from the orphanage . Well , after our debut on the local TV station , I received a phone call from a lady in San Antonio . She and I talked for over an hour about Ukraine adoption . She and her husband are in their 40 's and are beginning to think that its better just to be childless . After we talked , she apologized for taking so much of my time . I assured her that things don 't happen as coincidence . A week later she called to tell me a neighbor 's granddaughter was pregnant with her second child and wanted to place the baby up for adoption . She asked if I would be interested . I said of course . But , I didn 't push the issue and then didn 't hear from her after that day . My friends and I traveled to Dallas in February for a mother conference and on the way home , I made the comment , " I wish a baby could just fall in my lap . " Then , I got home and guess I was still on my pity party and continued to tell Craig that I was just ready for the pain to go away . He told me to be honest with myself and admit that I did desire an infant and that it was okay to desire such . I think I did cry that night and ended up crying out to God " Why can 't a baby fall in my lap ! " So , the following Tuesday , I pulled myself up by my boPosted by The First Post . . . I started an adoption website about 4 years ago with our adoption of Molly . In an effort to keep everyone up - to - date , I went with another website where I was able to post daily our journey in Ukraine . That website ( http : / / beccaandcraig . tripod . com ) has been dedicated to Molly . So , I thought I would try a different type of blog . So , here is my attempt . Posted by |
When in the taxicab pre - paid by Toni from the hotel to the airport in Sofia , the look in Stephen 's eyes was eloquent enough to show that he was trying to absorb every single bit of his country so as to keep it fresh in his memories . I wish I could have told him how very proud of him I was , and that he would have some opportunity to visit his wodnerful homeland some time in the future . ( I don 't really know when I 'll be able to afford that , though . ) During the flights from Sofia to Vienna and from Vienna to D . C . , Stephen kept awake all the time . He was not scared of planes at all , but his mind was full of thoughts and emotions . Our fellow passenger on our second flight , a major in the U . S . Army , was surprised that he was " not shy at all . " Everything went fine , and we had pleasant flights with pleasant aircraft personnel . I will clarify that we were flying with Austrian Airlines . When Stephen and I landed on U . S . soil at Washingon Dulles Interantional Airport , located in Chantilly , VA , a real nightmare was waiting for us . To start with , the immigration officer who cleared Stephen 's papers was the very first person who did not congratulate me on the wondrous event of having a new son . That was not the important issue , though . When I asked that immigration officer when we 'd get Stephen 's proof of U . S . citizenship , his answer was that they did not give U . S . citizenship , and that I 'd have to take care of that on my own . He made it very clear that Stephen was being admitted as a permanent resident . I tried to remember and apply what I myself say in my etiquette book when you have to deal with people like that , and very politely pointed out to him that , unless I was mistaken , my understanding as an immigration attorney was that Stephen was arriving with an R - 3 visa , which means immediate U . S . citizenship . The officer told me to talk to a supervisor , who happened to be right there . Well , the supervisor had a little larger dosage of goodwill , but still did not know the answer . He made a call , and after waiting for several minutes on the phone for a third person , who obviously didn 't know either , to check that matter , told me that we would not get any proof of citizenship on the spot , but Stephen 's naturalization certificate would arrive in the mail , retroactive to the day of arrival . That was all right - - but had meant wasting some precious time when you have connecting flights . And , as we went in , we ended up in the final destination terminal as opposed to the transfer one - - where our luggage had been sent . The special services lady made a call , and tried to make the person on the other end understand that we risked missing our flight to San Diego . Nothing to do : unless we cleared customs with all our luggage and checked it in again , we would not fly at all . Well , it was a matter of waiting , and worrying , for some longer time , but finally our two suitcases and Stephen 's wheelchair showed up on the conveyor belt at the terminal where we were . Time was tight , but it stilll looked like if we rushed , we 'd be able to make it . The special services lady started a full - speed trip towards the departure gate . I never had asthma , but at that moment I was panting out of breath . Finally we arrived to the gate . There the TSA officer looked at our boarding passes - - and both were in my name ! ! ! I will never forget the evil , disgusting , offensive smurk on that man 's face . He would have been an excellent candidate to play the part of a Nazi officer in a WWII movie . That 's exactly how he looked . I tried to explain to him that Stephen had not closed his eyes one single minute during the two international flights - - that he was eagerly waiting to meet his new family , and his new family was eagerly waiting to meet him . It was to no avail . He would not board us . Period . All we could do was to go downstairs to the United ticket counter and get Stephen 's boarding pass re - issued . We rushed again - - only to meet a woman with long blonde hair at the ticket counter who was as nasty as the TSA man upstairs had been . She could have re - issued Stephen 's boarding pass in no time - - but refused to do it . It looked like she enjoyed saying , " It 's too late . You 're not flying . " As I tried to reason with her , she just told me , " I 'm done talking with you . " Stephen was upset - - and yet able to hold his tears . He did not want to cry . And he succeeded - - but I did not . Tears were coming to my eyes , as I feared that all the discomfort , stress , and tension of the moment could somehow damage the strong bonding we had already built . It was perfectly understandable how he might have felt : It 's really distressing for a little boy to arrive to a whole new country and find so many horrible people - - knowing that such place would be his new country from then on ! I tried to speak to other members of the United staff - - but none seemed willing to help . They would not even call a supervisor for me . One employee finally did call for a supervisor - - without saying how extremely urgent the matter was . Finally , another ticket counter employee showed me who a supervisor was . He was standing right there . The supervisor had a little better disposition , and agreed to go upstairs back to the gate with us in order to tell the TSA people that it was all right with him and with United to board us because Stephen 's passport clearly showed that he had cleared immigration . Again the awful TSA man . Again the same repugnant smurk on his face . I asked him what he had found laughable , and he replied I was shouting at him - - which was not true . He kept on refusing to let us board our plane . Finally , a second TSA decided to call their supervisor , and see what she said . The TSA supervisor decided to let us board - - but by the time we cleared through the metal detectors and arrived to the gate , it was too late . The gate was already closed . Was the plane still there ? I approached the nearest United desk , and asked the lady there if she could please make a call to see if by any chance the plane was still there and the gate could be open . Unbelievably , she also refused to help . Stephen was desperately trying not to cry . I could not control myself , and did cry . At that moment , God sent two people without whom it would have been sheer disaster . First a family we had met two days before at the U . S . Consulate in Sofia happened to be there . They bought a bottle of water and M & M 's for Stephen . Then , miraculously , another United employee started speaking with Stephen in Bulgarian . Yes , she was from Bulgaria . She helped very , very much , and even purchased something for Stephen from one of the shops as a present for him . The only way to make it to San Diego that same night would be by connecting flights in Denver . Instead of arriivng at 8 : 25 , we 'd be arriving at 11 : 10 - - but at least we 'd have our first supper all together - - a very late supper , though , in the early morning hours . Catherine met us at the airport - - and Catherine 's magic way immediately won Stephen over . As we were going to the elevator , Catherine whispered in my ear , " I love him soooooooo much already ! ! ! " Actually , she had already loved him with all her heart from that very first day when she had seen his picture in the RR photlisting . I was so exhausted that when given the information about where to claim our luggage the following day if they did not call us before , I checked with the employee where the telephone number was . She told me , " Here is our phone number - - and you 'd be able to see it better if you turned the paper around . " I was trying to read the paper upside down and had not even noticed it ! ! ! The homecoming Catherine , Gerard , and Warren had prepared for Stephen was amazing , awesome - - super , as they 'd say in Bulgarian , with ballons pouring down on him as he entered his new and forever home . Well , the actual home won 't be forever , as we 're moving very soon - - but what rreally makes a home will be forever and ever . Stephen is extremely playful , and in just a few moments , it seemed he had been with us all our lives . The only thing that remind us it was not since ages ago is the language barrier . Stephen is a very fast learner , though - - and the twins learned A LOT of Bulgarian already . One very nice little incident was this . Stephen got fascinated by a toy car with lights and sounds that Thomas had always liked very much . My mom tried to tell Thomas that Stephen had never had those toys before - - and Thomas gave Stephen his car . Then , he came to me and asked me , " Mom , can you buy another car for me for Christmas ? " And tears started rolling down Thomas ' cheeks . As soon as Stephen saw the tears , he gave the car back to Thomas . A moment after , they were both on the floor , sharing that toy car , and making it go from one to the other . When Catherine met Stephen for the first time at the San Diego Airport . After only a moment , she 'd whisper in my ear , " I love him already ! ! ! " Actually , she already loved him with all her heart since many months before - - they all did ! Although from the very fist day back in August I had been able to realize that he 's very loving and able to make very solid attachments , he 's so boyish that I never imagined he 'd be so very cuddly as he is . During this trip his attitude for the first days had been friendly and polite , and yet there seemed to be some slight inner reservations . But on Thursday afternoon , after we were back from his medicals and the Consular appointment , it was a whole transformation , with an even more shining , more radiant attitude than during my first trip . He had been always playful , but became even more playful , with a new spark in his eyes . and much more love to give than I could even expect . He keeps on hugging and kissing me over and over again . He has even kissed my hand when I had it close to his face . During the first two days at the hotel it had not been very easy to have him listen to some ESL for Children videos on You - Tube . From the moment we were done with the Consulate , he became extremely motivated to learn . And he 's a really fast learner . In just one day he learned the Roman alphabet up to the letter ' r ' , and can type the alphabet with almost no mistakes . He can type his name , and can almost handwrite it . He perfectly understood me about the tongue position for the number ' three ' not to sound like ' tree . ' He 's trustworthy and incapable of doing anything wrong because of being upset . For instance , after I got his passport with the visa , I showed it to him , but when he wanted to hold on to it and keep on browsing it , I needed to take it away . He got very upset and threw himself on his bed - - but on the bed he found one of my earrings , which I had not noticed missing , and no matter how upset he was , he immediately and spontaneously gave it to me . He is totally full of life , has a very noble attitude in the face of his physical challenges , and there is something really special about him . I 'm not talking about ' special needs . ' Actually , he 's so bright , so boyish , and so self - assured that you cannot think of him at all as a special needs child . As a matter of fact , his personality is so sparkling that you cannot even notice his wheelchair . On Monday , Dec . 13 , 2010 , Toni picked me up at 7 : 00 a . m . at the Budapest Hotel in Sofia , to go to Lukovit . The BIG day had arrived ! ! ! As usual , I was not ready . As a matter of fact , it was not until the very last moment that I finally figured out which present would be for whom . At Lukovit , I was allowed to give the singing duck to Philip and the big cuddly monkey to Maximilian - - and I had a chance to see Philip for the first time . He 's really cute . The first thing he did was to kiss his duck ! Maximilian was delighted with the monkey , and was very verbal . Of course , I did not understand what he said - - except for , " Super ! " The look in his eyes is engraved in my heart , and will inspire all of us to make it through all that is involved in getting those two little ones home as well ASAP - - which , in our case , will be much more than a simple adoption process ( as if any adoption process could be simple ! ) In our case it 'll also mean a move from one coast to the other . Yet , I 'll leave that for a future post . I knew that at the beginning of this year he had gotten scalded with hot water . Due to his total lack of sensitivity on his legs , he had not felt the pain , and had gotten severely burnt . Yet , I could not imagine the extent of those burns until the first day at the hotel . Even during my first visit I had not been able to see how horrible the burnt sites looked because his clothes covered them . My first thought was that he might need skin grafts . I looked it up online , and apparently I was right . The sores are now closed , and there is no bleeding or draining , but the aftermath of those burns still looks awful , terrible , horrible . Those must have been not third - , but fourth - degree burns . How didn 't anyone realize until the damage was so pervasive ? There are no major aesthetic concerns because the worst sites are covered by clothes . His left leg and foot look badly burnt also , but that couldn 't matter less . On the contrary , those scars make him a little hero . Yet - - can such mistreated skin cause any further problems later on in life ? It is also remarkable how very fast he learns to trust . When on Tuesday morning for the very first time I was about to fill the tub for his bath , he was trying to tell me something . Although inside me I knew what he was meaning to tell me , in order to make sure I put him through to the front desk over the phone , for him to tell them , so that they could translate it for me . I was right : he wanted to remind me that the water needed to be only a little warm , and not hot at all , so as not to burn his skin any more . Although he could not understand me as I don 't speak his language , I assured him that we 'd take very good care of him and he would not get burned again . When this morning , Wednesday , Dec . 15 , I filled out the bathtub for him again , he did not find it necessary to remind me of anything : he knew I would check the water temperature for him . In the end I made it ! Without all the help I got , I wouldn 't have made it , though . Even though having a math final on Monday , on Friday , 12 / 10 / 10 , Warren spent an inordinate amount of time doing the artwork for our Christmas letter , which I very much wanted to get ready before my departure , on the e - vite for Stephen 's 9th birthday ( and his birthday at home ) , and helping with many other last - minute things , while Gerard took care of Thomas and Nicholas . Catherine ended up buying most of the clothes for Stephen by going to WalMart in the middle of the night , after being to a parochial Young Adults meeting . Besides , although I did not intend to buy boots for me , she went ahead and did buy a pair of boots for me to wear . And she bought a travel - size tube of an almost magical hand cream , thinking that I tend to get badly chapped skin with the cold . I flew from San Diego to Washington - Dulles , from there to Vienna , and from Vienna to Sofia , where Toni was waiting for me at the airport . I was so tired that at the airport in Vienna I got awakened by a loudspeaker calling , " Godone - Maresca , Flight to Sofia ! " All the other passengers were gone already . There was a second bus waiting for me , to take me to board my plane . Thanks God that I did wake up in the end ! ! ! A couple of weeks ago , Gerard and Warren had just finished serving at the 10 : 30 Sunday Mass at Mary , Star of the Sea , and Warren ran to Nicholas - - and Nicholas ran to Warren . Actually , there is absolutely nothing wrong with Nicholas ' legs . The reason why he falls down so often is a problem with balance due to his c . p . The twins try to spare him the bad memories that the use of his walker brings back to him . Those memories go back to his first seven years of life in Haiti , where the other kids at the orphanage used to make fun of him because of his walker . Gerard and Warren are always ready and willing to carry Nicholas . No matter how much taller Nicholas grows almost by the day , the twins still enjoy carrying him around . It is not that they do it when there is no other way out . They reeeeeally want to do it . This can be summarized in Gerard 's request to me , while Warren kept on keeping Nicholas : " Please , Mom , can you ask Warren to put Nicholas on my back ? " Posted by In early September , Thomas and Nicholas underwent extensive dental work under general anesthesia - - which , of course , was not covered by insurance , the same as the white amalgam . The only kind that was covered was the totally obsolete and rather hazardous mercury - laced silver amalgam . For a very short time , as the baby teeth are getting loose one by one , the silver amalgam may be - - but for the permanent teeth , never ! ! ! In the end , the out - of - pocket cost of the procedure was $ 2 , 637 . 00 ! Yikes ! Ugh ! Ouch ! ( More painful than dental work ! ) Yet , no matter what , neither Thomas nor Nicholas likes tooth brushing very much . Getting them to brush their teeth used to be a problem - - of which , I must confess , Catherine , Gerard , or Warren took care for me . It used to be " catch me if you can " time . Then , Catherine had a brilliant idea . She went from store to store until she found a rotating toothbrush with Thomas the Train on it . Nicholas got one with Spiderman . That made the trick ! ! ! Since that day , they both became very motivated to brush their teeth the right way . I can foresee what Gerard and Warren are going to say about my title , though - - that it 'd be wonderful if about a girl , but not if referring to two young men . Well , Catherine is included also , of course . There is absolutely no thorn at all about being their mother . There is absolutely no thorn at all about getting all the compliments about them while simultaneously getting so much help from them . There is absolutely no thorn in seeing so much devotion , so much selflessness , so much love . Yes ! ! ! On Tuesday , November 9 , in the early morning , I checked my e - mail , and found the GREAT news ! ! ! What a relief ! ! ! And - - - Stephen will be home for Christmas ! ! ! I 'll be traveling so as to arrive to Sofia on Dec . 12 , and Dec . 13 will be the great date , when I 'll be able to pick him up . The greatest date , the date of his actual homecoming , will be sometime during the following weekend ( Dec . 18 or 19 ) . Our prayers have been answered . Thank You , Our Lord , His Blessed Mother , and all the saints whose intercession we had asked for ! ! ! Particularly , thank you , St . Anthony , St . Jude , St . Gerard , St . Maximilian Kolbe ! ! ! Thank - you also to my dad and my grandparents for their prayers from above , much closer to God ! ! ! The time had finally arrived to tell Thomas and Nicholas that they had a new brother - - and they also jumped for joy ! ! ! They had seen Stephen 's picture many times , had heard about him , and had participated in the greeting video that Catherine , our movie expert , had prepared for him before Trip No . One - - but for the first time yesterday , now that everything is 100 % sure , they were told that Stephen would be one more brother to them . And , together with the rest of us , they couldn 't be happier ! And - - I had forgotten to say it : now I am officially a mother of six ! ! ! ( We can 't wait until I can say I 'm a mother of 8 - - but during my second trip I intend to somehow tell Maximilian that he also has a family , and that I 'll be back for him and Philip . . . and I hope to be able to meet Philip , by the way . God bless everyone , Yesterday I learned from Toni that our court date had been scheduled . I cannot say when that 's going to be , though - - because I myself don 't know yet . I would entirely understand if some of you cannot avoid a condescending smile or even some good laughter when reading this , but , yes , I had asked Toni to keep me updated without telling me when the exact court date is going to be . Otherwise , we would not be able to tolerate an even higher level of anxiety than the one we have all the time . My mom would die from hypertension , and for Catherine , Gerard , Warren , and I , studies and work would suffer even more . That said , it obviously means that they did suffer already by now . Our I - 800 approval came in a really miraculous way . After having waited for , worried about , prayed for , cried over , and prayed again for our I - 800A approval , which had taken quite a while to be issued , we were bracing ourselves for a similar experience with our I - 800 processing . On September 1 , Catherine went on a ten - day Catholic trip to Europe , carrying her and all the family 's petitions to Our Lady of Lourdes . When kissing me at the airport , she told me that there might be good news before she was back . Yet , as I walked back to our van , I felt totally distraught . It may sound silly , given that Catherine is already 24 - - but still I could not bear the idea of not being able to hug her for 10 full days ! ! ! ( Please , don 't laugh at me ! ) I felt completely pessimistic over the I - 800 processing . We all love that little boy soooooo very much ! ! ! And he does love his new family in return . What if anything happened ? How many hearts would be shattered ? How many lives would be affected forever ? What if - - ? ? ? That Wednesday , September 3 , my mom said she 'd pray and pray not only for that I - 800 approval as she had been doing since the time of filing , but also for it to arrive in some unexpected way , without too much distress for any of us . It was Friday , September 3 , after business hours , right at the beginning of the long Labor Day weekend , at a time when what anyone would least expect was any news from an immigration office . Without knowing why , that day I had started feeling some feeble optimism I had been unable to feel before . Suddenly I realized I had forgotten to pay my car insurance . I dialed the Unitrin number , and tried to get through to the automated payment line , but couldn 't get past the initial greeting and prompt . I started pressing random buttons , and somehow I got connected to my voicemail . It had not been my intention to listen to my messages at that moment , but - - well , I decided I 'd rather make sure there was nothing important I might be missing . My heart froze upon realization that one of those messages was from the officer at the N . B . C . in Missouri who was processing our file . Yet , even though the message was not totally precise , I could immediately understand that our worries were over . That message was coming from a friend , not from an enemy . The officer was even saying he had been able to correct an inadvertent mistake because the rest of the information clearly showed that on one question I had checked the wrong box . ( BTW , what a shame for someone who by profession is an immigration attorney ! ! ! The officer did not say that , though . ) My mom had spent that very same day praying all day - - like she had been doing since the petition had been filed , but even more . And she had also prayed for the news to come without all the stress of waiting and waiting for the letter carrier , and checking and checking our mailbox one thousand times a day . We had been doing that for our I - 800A approval , but were too tired out to do it again . That same day Catherine had deposited her and our entire family 's petitions before Our Lady of Lourdes . Gerard and Warren had had only one request - - yet a double one : for Stephen , their new brother , to be home before Christmas , and for Maximilian and Philip to follow shortly thereafter . I also knew that my dad and my grandparents were helping from above . In 2008 , when the visas for Thomas and Nicholas were in process at the U . S . Consulate at Port - au - Prince , their files had been sent to a mysterious office from where they could take months to return . A few nights after the bad news I had dreamt that the doorbell rang , and there was my dad , who had passed away in ' 1992 , holding both of my new sons . " I decided to go in person to Haiti and bring them to all of you , " he told me . " I knew that Catheine , Gerard , and Warren could not wait any more . I filled out all the paperwork . Only I left blank the boys ' middle names because I was not sure which ones you wanted for them . " In reality , if you adopt from Haiti , you cannot change your children 's first and middle names until you 're back to your place of permanent residence . But , as I hugged my dad one last time in my dream , it would be only a matter of a couple of days for the files to be returned to where they were supposed to be and for our boys ' visas to be issued . I could feel the same help from above this time too . Then Victoria e - mailed me as the officer had contacted her to make sure of that little point in which I had checked the wrong box . By the way , it may be a shame for an immigration attorney to make a mistake when filling out a form that is so vital for her and her entire family . The same officer who had taken so very long to approve our I - 800A petition had even asked Victoria to tell us not to worry any more . Catherine at Lourdes ( that SAME Friday , 09 / 03 / 10 ) , during her trip to Europe When I called the officer on Tuesday morning , September 6 , our approval letter was already on its way . The NBC had also sent the communciation to the NVC , and from there it was sent electronically to the Consulate in Sofia on September 14 . Toni scheduled the provisional filing for the earliest date , which was September 24 , and got verbal approval . She was promised that our Article 5 Letter would be generated early this week . Let 's keep on praying . Last minute update : Yesterday , on Sunday evening , September 26 , I unexpectedly found an e - mail from Toni : She had gotten a call from the Consulate , letting her know that the Godone - Maresca Article 5 Letter was ready to be picked up . Praised be the Lord ! ! ! Thank You , Our Lord ! ! ! Thank You , Our Lady ! ! ! Thank you , St . Anthony , St . Maximilian Kolbe , St . Stephen , St . Gerard ! ! ! As you may have already noticed , once again the news came by surprise , before the time we expected to get any news . That might be just a little detail - - and yet a BIG one if you consider how extremely worried we all were . After all , my mom had prayed for us to be spared any further anxiety , hadn 't she ? Being pure Italian , cheesy pasta is my favorite dish . The other day I was at Costco with Warren , and he asked me to buy seven - cheese tortellini . I replied that the spinach - and - cheese ravioli were bigger , nicer , with much more filling . His response on one hand marveled me , and on the other hit me as one more instance on how much my three older ones think about their younger brothers - - even more than I myself do . Warren 's answer was that precisely because the ravioli were bigger , Nicholas had a hard time cutting them with his fork , but did not want any help either , which made that dish kind of dangerous as he might eventually choke on a whole ravioli . There is nothing else to add : Warren 's reply , at the age of 13 , says it all . Catherine searches high and low for different educational toys that target different skills . The director of the orphanage in Lubovik , Bulgaria , congratulated me not only on the presents but also on the throughtful wrapping . Well , Catherine had not only bought the presents , but had also wrapped them in matching colors . My main passion is motherhood . My 8 kids are everything to me . I thank God every day for the family He gave me - - for the one in which I was born , and for my kids ( 3 biological & 5 adopted ) . I 'm a cradle Catholic , & find strength , comfort , & hope in my faith , which is an inspiring force to believe in , and campaign for , the right to life , equality , and social justice . My background is pure Italian . I had a very privileged childhood , with parents and grandparents who , on one hand , taught me all the etiquette rules , but on the other , and even much more emphatically , by word and example taught me that compassion and social sensitivity should always take precedence over socio - economic status and social profile . My 3 older children do for their younger brothers much more than any parent can imagine , expect , ask for , or even dream about . Rather than having to request their help , I need to remind them that they shouldn 't do so much . They worked miracles on their younger siblings - - or , actually , God worked true miracles on those little boys through my 3 older children . My Mom , now in Heaven , deemed the adoption expenses more important than her own health . |
I woke up this morning , bright and early , thinking about fitness . Today is the start of Week 21 of pregnancy # 2 and , probably due to all the energy I 've had lately , I 've started to think about getting back into shape post baby . For a lot of people , that would probably involve getting a gym membership . I 'll have to be a little more creative . You see , after our last gym - experience I 'm a little gun shy of signing on the dotted line for a membership at any gym . It wasn 't always like this . I begged and pleaded for a gym membership when I was sixteen so that I could swim laps to get ready for lifeguard training the next year during the long winter months . My best friend and I even managed to get up at 4 : 30 in the morning to drive ten miles to the closest gym , in my rusty 1973 Volkswagen Beetle that more often than not had to be roll started even on not so cold mornings , to work out before school . I got a membership at 24 hour fitness during college , during one of their twenty something dollar a month promotions , and was spending an insane amount of time working out back when I was playing rugby . I even got a membership at the Sports Science Institute when I was going to school in Cape Town , South Africa , although it involved walking about six miles to get there , which in itself was a pretty good workout . Working out at a gym was a big part of my life . So when I met Paul it seemed natural that we would work out together . He 'd worked as a personal trainer for a few years and had a membership at a gym in Corte Madera . As a surprise after we 'd been dating for a few months he got me a membership too and we started going together most days after work . Then I got a job working at another local gym , and my boss gave Paul a free membership too . Canceling our membership at our old gym was a relief by that point . It had been a great gym when I 'd started going , but midway through new owners had taken over and the gym had been transformed . Originally it had been the type of gym where people went to work out . One day it was reorganiPosted by Sadie is sleeping and I just finished sewing her first Mommy - Made Dress ( hopefully I 'll have some pictures up here soon . . . that is if Sadie fits into the dress . . . it 's a 4t and looks a little small for her 20 month old frame ! ) ! There were some minor and major mistakes along the way ( someone turned the setting for stitch length to 6 - or baste - and I 'd never even thought about stitch length , much less needing to check or adjust it ! ) and I learned some important sewing lessons that I 'm not going to forget anytime soon . I 'm feeling particularly industrious today . It must be that second trimester energy boost ! It 's finally here ! Here are the projects I 've been working on lately : Rosaries - I taught myself how to make wire rosaries and have been working like crazy on them ! I 'm hoping to open an etsy shop sometime in the very near future and rosaries are quickly becoming one of my favorite things to make ! It 's taking me about two hours to make one now although when Sadie " helps " me it can take considerably longer . Crochet - I 'm working on a gigantic rose colored blanket for Sadie . I started it a while back and told her I was making a blanket for her to have on her bed when she was ready for a real twin size " big girl bed . " Which brings up the question of why I made it so huge . it will easy drape down either side of her " big girl bed " when she finally grows out of her little one . In fact , it may be big enough to go across our king sized bed . It should be a fun blanket for her to make forts out of though . Hopefully it will be done in time for her next birthday . I 've got three and a half months ! Knitting - I have a aquamarine scarf on one pair of needles , a cable knit sweater I haven 't touched in ages on another , an easter sweater for Sadie that matched her newMommy - made dress , and a different cable sweater for me that has been 90 % finished since December . All that is left is one part of the final sleeve . I 'm sure it will be perfect by next Christmas ! Sewing - Having finished up Sadie 's dress I think I 'll try another . I received soCammie Wollner The baby monster is watching Side the Science Kid . She spent the day yesterday trying to convince Grumpa that she had hidden the remote control down in the garden . She almost got him to believe it ( he would have if he hadn 't known that she 'd been inside all day long and hadn 't had a chance to take it outside ) . It all started when the remote disappeared and Grumpa asked Sadie where it was . She ran straight to the side door and pointed out at the garden . When he asked her again five minutes later she did the same thing . Every time she was asked in the living room she 'd run to the door with a huge smile and point out . The remote control was later found underneath her toy lion . Sadie is remaining silent on how the remote got under her toy lion , but would likely blame one of the cats if she were talking . I was zooming around the net while Sadie 's napping and stumbled upon this site . . . I have now stopped crying ( because I 'm not currently reading it ) . . be warned , it is a tearjerker . It 's about a toddler , Layla Grace , who is living her last days with neuroblastoma . Prayers for this sweet little girl and her family . I just discovered a new website after searching for more news on my alma mater 's less than Catholic activities . After discovering a few of the less savory actions taken by good ol ' SMC I just couldn 't help looking for more . Instead I found the explanation that the school 's PR man , Michael McAlpin gave Pipeline News . org in an attempt to justify naming a scholarship after a Planned Parenthood director and a Planned Parenthood volunteer : " The Vanessa Bedient and Molly Reidelberger Scholarship for Excellence in Poetry was independently established in 2004 by the loved ones of Mrs . Bedient and Mrs . Reidelberger . Since 2005 the award has been given to talented students in the MFA in Creative Writing Program with limited financial means . The award description provided by the family members of Mrs . Bedient and Mrs . Reidelberger was intended to acknowledge and memorialize them . The award in no way suggests Saint Mary 's College supports the politics and practices of Planned Parenthood . " Let 's think this through . If the family of someone like Hitler wanted to give a scholarship in his name , would SMC let them ? One instinctively knows the answer : No ! Of course not ! That would be absurd and insensitive . And yet they have no problem giving a scholarship in the name of two women who spent their lives involved in the murder of countless unborn children , over the span of decades . Saint Mary 's clings to the last traces of its Catholic beginnings , social justice , while forgetting that justice cannot exist while the unborn are unprotected and vulnerable to this type of treatment . And honoring those who participate in this horrendous act dishonors the mission of the college , it 's reputation and those at the school who 've fought for justice for decades . Let 's see what the author of the article over at Pipeline News thought of the response ( emphasis mine ) : " A defense of the college 's actions based upon its assertion that acceptance does not imply approval , in large part offers a distinction without a difference . While the college must , for Posted by I found out yesterday while talking with my mom that Saint Mary 's College of California ( my alma mater for those who aren 't regular readers ) called their phone last night . I must have looked perplexed because she continued and said that she figured they were asking for money . And that makes sense . That 's the only reason that they would call . After a few minutes silence I said : " I would have really liked to talk to them . " My mom gave me a surprised look because I 've never been a huge fan of talking on the phone , even with people that I know well . But it would be worth it . Here 's what I would like to say : " I 'm sorry but I just can 't donate a penny to Saint Mary 's College and if things continue the way that they 're going there , I never will . You may want to take me off of your list if you don 't want to have this conversation again . You see , as long as SMC continues to host pro - death propaganda like that speech by Kathleen Kennedy Townsend , or worse yet , names scholarships after Planned Parenthood directors who the school feels has " helped the community , " they won 't see a single check with my name at the top . Saint Mary 's has forgotten the basic tenets of our faith and until they come back to them I can 't donate . " Now I feel for the people making those calls . I really do . I worked as telemarketer for a political action group after college and it was tough . I lasted for five months which was pretty long for a job that seemed to turn over most of the staff every four weeks . But someone needs to say something about what 's going on there , and if enough people withhold their donations it might get through the thick skulls of the people who are making these horrible decisions that something needs to change . If their consciences can 't help them make the right decisions , maybe their pocketbooks can . Posted by I was so exhausted last night that I tucked Sadie into bed at around 7 : 30 and I didn 't even pick up my computer and attempt to write a quick follow up post about my appointment . I 'm pretty sure I was sound asleep by 8pm ( about three hail Mary 's short of my daily goal . . . although waking up twice with Sadie gave me the chance to finish . ) I dropped Sadie and Nani off at a museum / aquarium and went to the doctor 's appointment . It was an hour an a half until the park closed and since my doctor 's usually right on schedule I was sure I 'd have plenty of time to spare . Begin the waiting period : I only waited for about ten minutes in the waiting room . I 've been hard at work on my latest project and was wrapping wire rosaries in the waiting room when they called me back . After the preliminaries ( yay ! My blood pressure was almost normal yesterday ! ) the nurse left and it was back to waiting . And waiting . And waiting . After twenty minutes of waiting I remembered that I 'd promised to give up reading gossip magazines and put down the article about the Jonas brother 's wedding last month ( I was really bored ) . Then I tried to remember the specific wording of my resolution because I think it was to stop buying those magazines , and " accidently " glancing at one in the waiting room wasn 't exactly " buying " one . And does People magazine really count as a " gossip " magazine ? It probably does . At least it was totally unintentional . So I put down the magazine and moved across the room to the hard backed chair to work on my second wire rosary of the day ( I 'm getting pretty quick at making them ! ) . Staring at the clock I realized half an hour was up . And then forty five minutes passed . And then an entire hour . In a few minutes the park was going to close , leaving Sadie and Nani out front waiting for me without a cell phone ( Grumpa had theirs ) ! Finally the doctor entered the room . She felt the bump and said " everything looks perfect ! " and got ready to walk out . I eyed her skeptically . You see , she kept telling me everything was " perfect " with SadiCammie Wollner We 're getting ready to head into the city for doctor 's appointment # 4 today ! It 'll be great to hear what she has to say about our giant baby and the sonogram . I wonder when they 'll schedule the birth ( hospital has a no - VBAC policy in case you 're wondering ) ? I expect everything to be absolutely normal ! Maggie Rose has been kicking up a storm and even kicks at anything that touched my stomach these days . She kicks at Sadie a lot when she nurses ! I 'll give an update tonight on how everything went ! Earlier this week I was tipped off in the comments section that Bishop Vasa ( who might very well be my favorite Bishop in the entire US at this point ! ) had stood up for Catholic teachings yet again and basically said that the hospital in Bend had departed from Catholic practices and was no longer Catholic . After reading so much about the entirely un - Catholic events that take place at " Catholic " Universities , it was heartening ( although still sad because it 's sad that this sort of thing is necessary ) to see a Bishop stand up and say that what is going on is wrong and that you cannot do these things and remain Catholic . I have to recommend his weekly posts at the Catholic Sentinel again ! " BEND - In the course of the past several weeks I have focused on what it means for individuals and institutions to be Catholic . I have done this , in part , because of a concern about Catholic colleges and hospitals in general but also , in part , because of very specific discussions I have been having with the administration of St . Charles Medical Center , a Catholic health care institution , in Bend . Over the course of the past several years I have struggled with the difficulty of trying to reconcile some practices ongoing at the medical center with clear Church teaching . In January I wrote : " It is not uncommon for faithful Catholics to question the Catholicity of these public institutions especially when they seem to be expressing and holding public views which are , or strongly appear to be , contrary to the clear teachings of the Church . At what point are these institutions no longer ' in the communion of the Catholic Church on this earth ? ' " I have come to the very difficult conclusion , after much discussion and discernment , that it is time to acknowledge that which has become very clear to me , namely , that St . Charles is a community hospital and should no longer be identified as a Catholic institution . " . . . " In 2007 the diocese was presented with a report on the level of compliance with the ERDs ( " Ethical and Religious DirecCammie Wollner As a Catholic in California I 've learned not to expect to much politically . I go to the polls and vote , and I know that the majority will vote in the exact opposite way most of the time ( I have been pleasantly surprised once or twice recently ) . One gets used to being disappointed again and again . Our voters will tell the world that 12 year olds should be allowed to get abortions without their parent 's knowledge and for years have kept reelecting the same idiots over and over again and then wonder aloud why our state seems to be in a downward spiral that it just can 't seem to pull out of ( doing the same thing and expecting different results is crazy , but this is California ) . So when I read this article this afternoon , it made me smile : Political sea change ? Californians turn against Pelosi , healthcare reform according to pollster ; Boxer could be in trouble too , says another pollHouse Speaker Nancy Pelosi , the San Francisco Democrat who describes herself as a Catholic but has rejected the counsel of her own bishop , has apparently fallen from grace with California voters . While likely safe in the liberal San Francisco district she represents , a Field Poll shows Pelosi as widely unpopular elsewhere in the state . " More Californians now offer an opinion of the job being done by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and their views are more negative than positive , " said a statement released by the Field Poll in late January . " At present , 46 % of voters disapprove and 39 % approve of her performance overall . . . . Pelosi 's remarks in a Dec . 21 interview with Newsweek magazine , in which she reaffirmed her support for abortion and same - sex marriage even though she had been previously counseled by San Francisco Archbishop George Niederauer , prompted a written response from the archbishop in the archdiocesan newspaper Catholic San Francisco . " It is entirely incompatible with Catholic teaching to conclude that our freedom of will justifies choices that are radically contrary to the Gospel - - racism , infidelity , abortion , theft , " wrotCammie Wollner Sadie has become a champion napper ! She went to sleep yesterday for Nani and when we went up for naptime today it only took five minutes before she was out cold ! She had a very exciting morning today . A government agency is doing some environmental restoration to the river that we live on . So BLM has been out here a lot checking things out ( they had an archeologist come out and make sure there were no artifacts , although there was some joking around that he wasn 't looking very hard ) and today they brought out an excavator and a backhoe and dug some giant 18 ft deep holes . Then they put pipes in and covered the holes back up . For the next two years they 'll be monitoring the holes and the water level to see how low the water table is . These things definitely don 't move very quickly . We had been waiting for the tractors all week . The BLM guy would come out each night and say that they would be there the next day and then the next night would come back and say that things had gone slowly and that they would probably be there tomorrow . Sadie was getting a little impatient ! Two mornings ago she woke up at 6am and was ready to go out and look for tractors . They finally arrived today ! This week has been gorgeous . It was blue sky and short sleeve weather . When we peeked out heads outside to see the tractors it started to pour . But we certainly weren 't going to let something like a little rain stop us , so armed with umbrella 's and Sadie 's super stroller we headed out and spent a good hour watching the excavator and the backhoe work . And of course there were some tears when we headed back in ! And here 's a picture of Sadie 's new tractor ride . Grumpa created it for her and it was a huge hit . She thinks she needs at least one tractor ride a day . When it gets a little warmer it just might happen ! I should start by pointing out the my readers that this is in fact satire ( it took me halfway through the article to figure that out ) . It comes far too close to the skewed political correct reality that is a fact of life , day in and day out , in California : Mr . Bernardino and Rabbi Serraby Rev . John JuedesThe San Bernardino City Council has approved a resolution to change the name of the city . It will now be called Mr . Bernardino . Councilwoman Poly Ticly - corect stated , " It is important for separation of church and state that we do this . This name change retains the Hispanic heritage of our city while eliminating the religious problem of having our city named for ' Saint Bernardino . ' " In a related action , the council will change the names of " Crosswalks " and " Rail Crossings " to " Passwalks " and " Passings . " A council news release stated , " We cannot show any preference for religion , so we must remove the word ' cross ' because of its obvious connection to Christianity . " The council noted that state Attorney General Gerry Brown has already ordered Caltrans to change signs across the state . Not following suit would open the city to legal action by the ACLU . House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has proposed a similar bill in the House of Representatives . The city of Santa Barbara has already changed its name to " Barbara . " The California Supreme Court is expected to pass a ruling in June which would have required this change . The Santa Barbara Mission has changed its name to Santa Barbara Community Center so it does not offend residents who are atheists or adherents of religions other than Christianity . Father Serra founded many of the California Missions . Textbooks in California public schools will be required to call him " Rabbi Serra " instead of " Father Serra . " Informed that Serra was actually a Roman Catholic priest , not a Jew , a spokesman said , " We cannot let the facts of the past interfere with our future diversity . The Catholic Church will be allowed to continue to call him Father Serra if iPosted by I am thrilled ! Sadie 's anti - bow phase seems to be over ! Sadie has been going through a phase ( for the last ten months approximately ) in which she refuses to wear bows , clips , hair ties or headbands of any kind in her hair . Since she also isn 't a fan of hair cuts , which without clips are necessary to keep her quickly growing bangs out of her eyes , this has been something of a problem . Cutting her bangs while she 's asleep has been only marginally successful , since she sleeps restlessly on her side or stomach pretty much all of the time . Laying face down is not the best position for getting a hair one 's bangs trimmed . In the beginning ( after the hair tie rebellion began ) I would try to sneak a bow in her hair , but that just resulted in a tantrum when she realized that there was a hair tie of some kind on top of her hair and that it had clearly been placed there without her knowledge . She can be quite indignant if she thinks she 's been tricked into something . . . So for a while I just gave up and did my best to keep her curls brushed and washed ( I think they can hear the ruckus miles away when the weekly hair washing happens ) . She still ended up looking like a little ragamuffin most of the time , because her curls go crazy after about 10 seconds of playing and stand out all over the place , but what can you do ? Today we were looking at pictures of " tiny baby Sadie " and she was very curious about the bows that " tiny baby Sadie " was wearing . Then when I went to my WIC appointment and Nani watched her they talked about bows . And tonight when Sadie was getting ready for her bath she took Nani into the bathroom and pointed for a bow and let Nani put it in her hair ( I 'd gone into the other room and was shocked when I walked in and Sadie was sitting on Nani 's lap with a bow in her hair and she actually knew that the bow was there and wasn 't panicking about it ! ) . She kept the bow in for her whole bath and bedtime routine and then even went downstairs to show it to Daddy and Grumpa ! I really hope this means that her hair - phobiaCammie Wollner This last October we went to a festival at a local winery . They had hooked up a trailer to the back of a tractor and gave the kids a ride through the grape vines to a pumpkin patch they had set up . Sadie loved it ! The ride also inspired Grumpa , who decided that Sadie needed her own tractor ride at home . Here 's the result as Sadie sees it : What is Grumpa up to ? And why is my stroller in the back of the old trailer that Grumpa hooked up to his tractor ? This looks like it could be good . . . but will Nani and Mommy go along with it ? This just keeps getting better and better ! Rolling along . . . Heading up the road to see Nini and Gigi ! And down to see the river and the ducks ! Through the puddle . . . Life is good ! In fact it gets even better when I 'm in the driver 's seat ! Got my hat , got my gloves , ready to go to work ! Grumpa , how do you wear these things ? ! ? ! This may very well be the best day ever ! Sadie woke up after only forty minutes of napping . Since she 'd gone to sleep at 1 : 30 ( she 's starting pushing her nap back two hours , but it means she sleeps for longer ) I knew she would be cranky if she didn 't get back to sleep , and after several unsuccessful tries I brought her up into the big bed and laid down next to her . She was instantly out . An hour and a half later ( our nap turned into a Super Nap ) she was wide awake . She sat up , hugged a stuffed animal and looked around the room with a slightly confused look on her face as if she were trying to figure out how she got there . So I decided to ask her a question . " Sadie , where is your Big Girl Bed . " She gets a little smile and then points at the bed we 're sitting on . " But where 's Mommy 's bed . " The little smile gets bigger and more mischievous and she pauses before pointing to the same spot . " But where is the Big Girl Bed Sadie sleeps in at night . " Points again to bed she 's in . After about five rounds of this I leaned back and pointed to her bed and said , " but what about that bed . " Sadie 's smile got even bigger , she did this little fake " surprised " look and then started pointed to the " Big Girl Bed . " I was pretty funny though seeing her try to convince me that she was in " her " bed and that she didn 't know what I was talking about ! Sadie and I were all fired up this afternoon . We were planning on watching the US / Canada hockey game . It would have been Sadie 's first hockey game and I just know that she would have loved the sport . After all she loves football and baseball and just seems to be a sports - loving - girl . We 'd gone out with Nani and Grumpa and Nini and Gigi for some late afternoon Geocaching , but we made sure that we were home in time for the game . . . or almost in time . . . Sadie and I rushed in three minutes after the game had started , flipped on NBC . . . and found . . . . Russia playing the Czech Republic . . . I took a deep breath . Maybe they would switch over afterwards . Or maybe it would start from the beginning after the Russian / Czech game ended . I flipped onto the satellite info and it said Russian / Czech hockey game , skiing , ice dancing . . . Another deep breath . I reread the description . I flipped ahead to see if it would be on later . No sign of American / Canadian hockey anywhere . So I flipped up to USA ( the channel ) , which has had some Olympic events ( they must be owned by the network or something ) . They were showing Pirates of the Caribbean . But I still had hope . I flipped up to CNBC . Curling . Norway vs . Sweden if I remember correctly . Now Norway 's red , white and blue checkered pants are pretty awesome , but we were looking for US / Canada hockey ! The curling was almost over though , so I looked ahead to see what was on next . . . Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Models . . . seriously ? ! ? ! Instead of one of the major events for the North American teams in the Winter Olympics . We went back to NBC , hoping that they might have come to their senses and found a recap of the 1980 Lake Placid USA / USSR match up . Now as interesting as this would have been as an intro to the game today or as a nice touch to add at intermission , it was downright insulting to those of us who knew the game was on and couldn 't find it ! Paul had woken up to see the game ( he 's still on night duty ) and finally found an explanation online . The game had been switched to MSNBC . We looked at tPosted by Nani gave Sadie a My Little Pony tonight ( Sadie got a little spoiled on our trip into the City yesterday ) and Sadie spent most of the time during our bedtime routine brushing her pony 's pink hair with the little pink comb . Towards the end of the bedtime routine she handed me the pony and the brush and pointed to the pony . As I started to brush the pony 's hair I hummed the My Little Pony theme song and Sadie went crazy . She started dancing and bouncing up and down with a huge smile on her face . When the song ended she took the pony , handed it to me again with the brush again and gave me an expectant look . When the humming started the dancing started . She was having a blast . She also sings every single time she gets into Grumpa 's truck . She likes to stand on the back seat before she gets into her high chair and then she pretends to sing the Little Mermaid Song ( the one without words , from the part when the sea witch steals her voice ) . And we watched a few minutes of Snow White this morning and a lot of singing along accompanied that experience . With all this singing and dancing I 'm starting to feel like I live in a musical ! At night we say our family rosary and much of the time Sadie seems to be trying to stay up to listen to the prayers . More than half the time she makes it and then fusses in her bed when we 're done praying and it 's time for sleep . Two nights ago I stumbled upon something inadvertently that puts her to sleep , and I 'm really , really , really shocked at how well it works . The first night we had finished all of our prayers and Daddy had left to go get ready for work . Sadie was still fussing and will usually fuss for a half hour to an hour trying to go to sleep on her own . During Lent a few years ago I memorized a bunch of the prayers tht I was learning as a new Catholic , in both Latin and English . So as Sadie fussed I decided to say a decade of the rosary in Latin . It was met with immediate silence . In the dim light I could see her eyes closed peacefully after one pater noster and three ave maria 's . I wondered if it was a fluke and tried it again last night . The exact same thing happened . I still wasn 't completely convinced though , so I tried it out today during nap time . She was fussing and resisting and pointing at her dolls and trying to convince me that she wasn 't all that tired ( although she 'd had three tantrums in the previous ten minutes ) . I didn 't think of the rosary right away . I started by singing five lullabyes . She pointed at her dolls again . I said an our father in English . Her eyes were wide . And then I switched over . Before I 'd completed the third ave maria her eyes were closed and she was fast asleep ! I don 't know why this works , but I 'm thrilled to find something that does ! This is making life much easier and making for a better rested baby ! Sadie slept through the night last night and so , today , when we went into town , she got a Big Girl Reward . Her very first Barbie . It 's actually the ballerina Princess Ariel doll . When I handed it to her in the store she gazed lovingly at Ariel and then proceeded to kiss the plastic repeatedly as she was pushed around Target . Then a near disaster occurred . We got out to the parking lot and Nani tried to open the Ariel doll 's box . Unfortunately the people who designed the packaging had apparently anticipated that the box needed to withstand a full - scale attack and had designed a complex system of anti - doll - removal traps that were nearly impossible to get past . Sadie was nearly having a meltdown by the time I dug through my diaper bag , found a pair of nail clippers and used the nail clippers to completely destroy the box ( and finally freed the doll ) . Half an hour later Ariel found herself dancing around in the rice on Sadie 's plate at lunch . And on the way home from our big day of shopping I glanced back and found Sadie completely asleep , with Ariel cradled in her arms . I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship ! Nap time has become something of a struggle . We 've entered into Phase 3 of weaning . Phase 1 was night weaning . Phase 2 involved cutting out Sadie 's morning feeding . And now , Phase 3 means no more nursing before naptime . There was a one - month gap between each of the " Phases " and so far it 's worked out pretty well for us . At least it has from my point of view . Phase 4 is set to launch towards the end of March and will complete the whole weaning process . It will mean no more night time feeding . I have a feeling that it might be the most disastrous of the phases . We can distract Sadie pretty well during the day … but she still pretty attached to nursing , particularly her bedtime feeding . She gets teary if it 's late … But for now I 'm focusing on Phase 3 . Sadie doesn 't really see why she should take a nap if she isn 't going to have a naptime feeding . Nap time yesterday went something like this : We told Sadie it was nap time and she hoped into her big girl bed . Then she sat up and giggled . We had been riding around in the tractor an hour earlier and she sat up , pointed to the side of the house that the tractor was parked on and said : " Ga … ga … gump … pa … gump … gum … pa … . gumpa … ga … . . gumpa … . . gumpa … . . " She went on that way for at least fifteen minutes repeating " Grumpa " over and over again . I finally , hopeful still , started to read Goodnight Moon . She lay back on her pillow until we got to the picture of the three little bears sitting on chairs and then she jumped up enthusiasticially and grabbed her two bears , Chris and Oatmeal . Next I got a lesson on how her bears were like the bears in the pictures . They both had the same ears and noses . Sleep was a little bit further away after that . I decided to give it the Super Nanny try and sit in the chair and let her figure out sleeping on her own . She grabbed the curtains . I said no . She cried . She laid down . She sat up . She giggled . She leaned off the bed and snagged every toy she could reach and pulled them onto the bed . She played . SPosted by I have been trying to work new recipes into our weekly routine and this one became an immediate favorite : it 's from Annabel Karmel 's First Meals . Annabel Karmel 's Tomato & Tuna Pasta SaucePreparation : 5 minutes ; cooking 20 minutesMakes 4 portionsSuitable for freezingIngredients : 1 tbsp olive oil1 small onion , peeled and finely chopped1 garlic clove , peeled and crushed1 2 / 3 cups canned chopped tomatoes1 tbsp tomato puree 1 / 2 tsp balsamic vinegar1 / 2 tsp superfine sugar1 / 4 tsp dried mixed herbs3 1 / 2 oz canned tuna in oil2 tbsp soft cream cheeseDirections : Heat the oil in a saucepan , add the onion and garlic , and saute for about 5 minutes , until softened . Add the remaining ingredients , except the tuna and cream cheese , and cook uncovered over medium heat for about 12 minutes . Drain and flake the tuna , add to the sauce , and heat through . Stir in the cream cheese until melted into sauce . I made it for Sadie with bow tie pasta and it was a huge hit ! Sadie ate a huge amount and dinner and then started giggling and pointing when she saw me get it out at lunch the next day . And the recipe made enough that I have a little tupperware container of the sauce frozen for next week . Even Paul , who hates tuna , tried it on a cracker and said that it was good . In fact it was pretty popular with all of the grownups in our house ! If you have a toddler , you might want to give this one a try ( it 's in the 9 - 12 month section of the book , but for someone that tiny I think you 'd have to figure out something other than bow ties ! ) . Sadie loves to pretend that she 's a tree . She thinks that the kitchen is the best place in the entire house to dance and goes in there , waving her hands in the air and pretending to be a tree like the ones outside that are " blowing in the wind . " She spins and dances and leans from side to side . It 's pretty cute ( in my biased opinion anyway ) to watch . Sadie 's other favorite dance involves making " vrooming " sounds and pretending that she 's driving a tractor . Anything can be a dance these days . She also pretends she 's a bird , a butterfly and a pony ( the pony dance is one of my favorites because Sadie tries to do a little prancing step and gets so into it she almost falls over ) . And where is the best possible place to dance ? In the kitchen of course ! We think that it 's because Sadie loves to hear the sound of her feet tapping as she zooms around the floor . Sometimes she even brings her penguin Mike along ( a member of the penguin bowling pin set who someone forgot to sew flippers on ) and they dance together in the kitchen . What fun ! Sadie was not thrilled about the ashes yesterday . Here reaction to being brought to the front of the church when Mommy and Daddy got their ashes looked something like this : No crying , just trying to disappear back into daddy 's chest . After we went back and sat down I took a little smudge of ash on my finger to see if she was more comfortable with Mommy doing it . Let 's just say the reaction was an adamant " no . " She gave me her hand and let me smudge a little cross there ( because I had a feeling she 'd want one later ) and then clung to Daddy 's shirt , turning every few minutes to give Mommy a severe looking pout before glancing up at my forehead and frowning . Daddy 's ashes didn 't seem to bother her . When we got in the car I tried to come up with an appropriate 19 month old explanation for the ashes . I finally told her while we were waiting in the car for Daddy that the ashes were a sign to help us remember to be good . After that she started to look at them and smile . By the time we got home she loved her ashes . She showed them to Nani . And then she took Nani 's hand and ran all the way to the river to show them to Nini . Everyone had to see Sadie 's barely there little smudge on her hand and she kept showing it to me all day long , even after they had long since rubbed off on her pink " Princess " sweatshirt . I wonder what she 'll think of it all next year . . . Look at the birds in the sky ; they do not sow or reap , they gather nothing into barns , yet your heavenly Father feeds them . Are not you more important than they ? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life - span ? Why are you anxious about clothes ? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow . They do not work or spin . But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them . If God so clothes the grass of the field , which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow , will he not much more provide for you , O you of little faith ? So do not worry and say , ' What are we to eat ? ' or ' What are we to drink ? ' or ' What are we to wear ? ' All these things the pagans seek . Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all . But seek first the kingdom ( of God ) and his righteousness , and all these things will be given you besides . Do not worry about tomorrow ; tomorrow will take care of itself . Sufficient for a day is its own evil . Matthew 6 : 26 - 34I 've been worrying a lot lately . You see , we know that we can 't make the cabin work ( very well at least ) with four people ( take the cabin challenge : move 2 adults and a toddler into a 10x15 foot cabin without running water and then add an infant on the way and you 'll see what I mean ) . So I 've been trying to figure out a way to design a budget with rent payments and water and all the rest of the things that would be wonderful additions to daily life . And I just didn 't see how we could possibly do it . Now the amount that we were off by wasn 't a huge amount and probably wouldn 't seem like all that much to some people , but it was beginning to seem pretty insurmountable to me . Since trying to balance the budget and failing so miserably , I 've been a bit difficult to be around . I 've nagged Paul for buying a soda to stay awake during his night shift . I 've scrutinized the credit card bill and been sick over the $ 250 a month that goes to gas stations ( apparently the 600 mile round trip commute for Paul 's school is expensive even with a Prius ) . I exasperatCammie Wollner Nap time was a disaster today ! Or at least it started out that way . Sadie is finally asleep . She started to fall asleep at 11 : 30 , and then went into wide away mode and cried because she couldn 't sleep until 2 . Those hours , particularly from 12 - 2 were very , very long . I was amazed at how someone so tiny can be so stubborn ! She 's usually a pretty good napper , but today she was upset about location . She didn 't want to be in her bed , so I let her go into the big bed to lay down , but then she decided she didn 't want to be in that bed either . I finally sat next to her and looked the other way ( I think that 's Super Nanny advice ? Or one of those shows like it . . . ) and after about five minutes of sniffling she fell asleep . Now I feel like I need a nap ! I think we 'll both sleep well tonight ! Posted by This morning I found this bit of compassion tossed into the combox : Mackenzie said . . . I just figure the amount of tax money going to abortions will be a lot less than the amount that would go to welfare to pay for the kids if they gave birth to them . Where to begin ? I have to admit that the first thought that popped into my head when I read this was " taking evil to a whole new level . . . " but the sad truth is , it 's not a " new level . " There are far too many people in this world infected with the strain of moral relativism that tells us there is no good and no evil , that everything is just shades of grey , and apparently in Mackenzie 's world , slaughtering an unborn child is a lesser evil than risking ( gasp ) someday having the child depend on the government . Having grown up in low income small towns I can match faces to the abstract idea of " kids on welfare " and know amazing adults that worked hard , got scholarships and now work to help others . Perhaps it 's because they know what it 's like to be down and out , to have the contempt of people like you , Mackenzie , who honestly believe that they are better off dead than given a chance at life . Valuing money above human life is very , very sad . I also think its odd that a person can be passionate enough to have a blog about saving the environment , but can so easily disregard unborn human life . Every life is sacred . Every child deserves the chance to be born , rather than being murdered , ripped limb from limb in his or her mother 's womb , which should be the safest of places . Or do you honestly believe that any child deserves this ? You may also want to think about the fact that those children who you 're a big fan of aborting , would most likely grow up to be the tax payers who will be paying into the system for your medi - care and social security in fifty or so years . But then again , maybe you don 't think life has value after a certain point ? I mean if you don 't believe that life have value at the beginning than how can it somehow acquire worth and have value at the end ? Taking this loCammie Wollner Trying to follow all the claims that have been made about the CCHD and the USCCB has made my head hurt . But to be fair , since I 've posted quite a few concerns from the Reform CCHD Now , I thought I 'd post this as well ( read the entire thing here ) : Is John Carr Pro - Life ? Dear Friends , I received some inquiries recently regarding John Carr , who serves as the Executive Director of the Department of Justice , Peace and Human Development at the United States Catholic Bishops ' Conference . The inquiries , stemming from controversies over the Catholic Campaign for Human Development and the Center for Community Change , essentially asked if John is pro - life and committed to the goal of securing protection for the lives of unborn children . Because I am in a position to answer that question , and because of the fact that hurting people 's reputations never serves our cause , let me state for the record that the answer to that question is " Yes . " I have had many opportunities to talk to and listen to John over the years , in public and in private , to read his articles , and to discuss our common goal of seeing social justice and peace applied to our neighbors in the womb . His record is clear , and unlike some others , when he talks about justice and peace and human development , he does not fail to include the unborn . I share with you below his own comments , as well as those of Richard Doerflinger , the Associate Director of the Secretariat for Pro - life Activities of the US Bishops ' Conference . As we work together to resolve the problems that do exist in our Church and in our culture , let 's do so with great caution to preserve the good reputation to which all of our colleagues have a right . Fr . Frank PavoneIt is a relief to read something from a respected priest that actually answers questions instead of just saying " this is ridiculous " repeatedly . I won 't be donating to the CCHD in the near future ( those concerns about where the money has gone are still very much there as my " Bishop of the Week " post pointed out ) , but then again , I pPosted by A Woman 's Place had an undercover photographer ( who we 'll call " Thomist " ) visit the pagan exhibit they had up inside St . Ignatius Church at USF . Thankfully this exhibit ended last week . Here 's what he found : What would you do if you had a Church that looks like this ? Would you get rid of almost all of these ? So that you could set up this in its place ? Those crazy Jesuits . I find myself asking this more and more frequently as the months go by : What are they thinking ? ! ? ! ? ! Let 's see how they justify it : In keeping with Ignatius ' understanding that his Constitutions or governing rules for Jesuits would include old principles and new ones , the gallery 's philosophy is to include both traditional religious works and contemporary art in a series of changing exhibitions . Commissioned pieces will enhance the dialogue that take places on a larger scale within the ritual space of the church . Oh , okay , now it all makes sense ( I know it 's sometimes hard to " hear " sarcasm when you 're reading , so if you missed it this sentence is dripping with it ) . I can 't help but think that Saint Ignatius is not pleased with the direction his order has taken at USF ( on so many different levels ) . Posted by |
Last Tuesday I left work with a smile . I had big plans for the weekend , however , those plans actually kicked off on the following day . Before the real plans could take way though , I had a long drive ahead of me , so I had requested to leave work early on Wednesday in order to get on the road at a reasonable hour . As I walked out of work that day though , things looked even better than expected ! It looked like instead of just getting off of work early the next day , I would be off for the entire day ! This was music to my ears as it meant that I could get on the road much earlier than anticipated … I eagerly drove home and went through all of my gear one more time ( as if I hadn 't done it a number of times already ) , although I still managed to find some little things to change anyway . I moved some things around on my pack , and then after re - checking the weather forecast , I decided to add in my umbrella for a bit more rain protection . I also threw in an extra breakfast since it looked like I would actually be there earlier than I had anticipated . After going through my gear list ( again ) , I then began to check and make sure I had locations loaded into my GPS , as well as any other miscellaneous items I would need en route … . Then I waited some more … Sure enough , by 9 am on Wednesday morning , I had finished loading everything into my car and was setting my destination on the GPS . I had already filled my belly with breakfast , dropped the kids off at school and exchanged hugs and kisses with my wife . Now it was time to get going … I had approximately 360 miles to cover along the winding , paved roads before reaching my end destination . I listened to a couple of CD 's and then realized that I had not downloaded the most recent podcast from The Trail Show ( which is what I usually listen to while making these long drives ) . So , I pulled up the site on my phone and thanks to a series of mobile network services , I was able to download it while cruising down the road . About 20 minutes later , I began listening to Episode 10 of The Trail Show . The next few hours were pretty much just a blur . I drove , listened to music and the latest Trail Show podcast , and then realized I still had quite a way to go … so I drove some more . Of course , I also stopped a couple of times to grab a quick lunch , and to fill up on gas . Finally , around 3 : 30 pm I was getting pretty close , so I stopped by an Arby 's in the last little town I was driving through to pick up a sandwich for dinner that night . At 4 : 30 I was driving over Wayah Gap and looking for the parking area ! Once I figured out where it was , I quickly parked my car next to only other car in the lot , located just below a small picnic area . Once parked , I jumped out of my car , glad to be done driving and full of excitement … I was finally here ! My plan at this point was to start hiking that afternoon , just to get a bit of a head start on the hike ( for no other reason that to just be on the trail ) . But first , I planned to eat my Arby 's sandwich , and needed to change into my hiking clothes . So , I decided to take advantage of the picnic tables I saw just up the hill from the parking area . After all , it was a nice day and I didn 't feel like being crammed in the car any longer … I wanted to be outdoors , and to be free ! So , I grabbed my Arby 's bag and headed up towards the picnic tables . As I began climbing the little hill , I noticed the top of a tent , then as I got farther up the hill I also noticed a young guy and a girl sitting at one of the other picnic tables . At first I thought that these were the owners of the car I parked next too , but then I saw their packs sitting next to them and I thought not . I waved to them and they returned the wave . I asked them if the were thru - hiking , and they replied " Yep . " We briefly spoke a bit more , and then I sat at one of the tables to eat my sandwich . At this point the young guy asked me how far down the road Arby 's was . I told him it was about 30 miles or a little more , at which he sighed at … While finishing my sandwich I noticed that there was another person inside the tent I first saw when walking towards the picnic tables . Another thru hiker ! After I finished eating I talked with the hikers a little more and had decided that instead of starting my hike that night , I would just pitch my tent here and stay the night . I didn 't need to start hiking early since the first day was short at only 10 miles . Plus my belly was full again , and I liked being here with the other hikers . So , I pulled my pack from the car , found a spot of somewhat level ground and pitched my tent . Once I got everything all situated in my " home " for the night , I headed up the side trail which led from the Appalachian Trail ( AT ) down towards the picnic area . I was finally back on the trail … I breathed in … and it was good ! I turned left on the AT and walked north the short distance back towards the road . The next morning I would be heading south , so I needed to make sure that my feet also touched the trail on this small section . It was a short walk , but it was nice . Once I got to the road I pulled out my camera and began to shoot the first part of my video . After shooting some video , I returned to my camp . I spoke with the young guy and the girl for another few minutes . As we were talking , about 4 or 5 other hikers hike past used along the AT , heading north to the next shelter up for the night . After a bit I retreated into my tent for a little bit of a nap . After driving into the sun all morning I had a bit of a headache , so I decided to pop 2 Vitamin I 's , and lie down for a while . An hour later I was feeling a little relief so I got back up . I had already ate my dinner for the night , but I also packed up stuff for an extra hot tea that night . So , I grabbed my Jetboil Sol Ti , my MLD mug ( complete with a set of Hot Lips and a DY reflectix cozy ) some water and my tea bag , then began to ( quickly ) boil water for a nice , relaxing , cup of hot tea . After I finished my tea I cleaned everything up and then packed away all of my food inside my car . I could have thrown my bear line , but with my car only a couple hundred feet away , I figured why not take advantage of it . Also , the rain was supposed to start sometime in the early morning , so it would be one less wet thing to start my hike with . After I got everything all squared away , I walked around the area a little more , waiting on the sun to fall out of the sky completely before crawling into my own bed . I noticed that the young couple that I was talking with earlier had set up their tent inside a little cove , somewhat protected from the rain that we expected that night , and that they had already retreated into their own tent for the night . As I walked around and waited for my own time to take shelter , I was entertained by the sound of a song bird , which made the night that much better . The sky was still barely lit , the trees were more of a silhouette against the fading sky , and this bird sang beautifully ! The sun did eventually fade and gave way to the night . As the hour grew later , the night grew darker due to the clouds rolling in . There were no stars to lay back and gaze at tonight . The temperature slowly dropped , and I snuggled deeper under my quilt . I pulled out my Kindle and picked up where I left off in the book " The Last Englishman " by Keith Foskett ( AKA " Fozzie ) and began reading . And of course , it just so happened that the chapter I started out with was entitled " Chapter 10 : Ghosts on the trail . " After my little nap earlier , I was actually quite refreshed . I laid there and read for about an hour , and then after realizing that it was getting late but I wasn 't getting sleepy , I decided to pop a couple of Tylenol PM 's . After this , I read for about another 30 minutes and then turned out the lights … Around 1 am I woke up from a series of strange dreams and the sound of rain on my tent . Thanks to Fozzie 's book and the pills , I had dreamed that a bear was sniffing around my tent , and then another dream in which some cats had torn holes in my tent with their little , tiny , razor - sharp claws , which left me somewhat exposed to the rain that happened to be falling . After realizing it was all just dreams , I quickly crawled out of my tent and took off to relieve myself . After crawling back into my tent , I then decided to change into my down clothes . The temps had continued to drop and now the rain was really driving it down . After changing , I snuggled up deep under my quilt again and made myself comfortable . It wasn 't long before I was out again … however , this time , I didn 't have any strange dreams … I woke up again around 7 : 30 am the next morning . The darkness had started to lift and a little bit of gray light was coming into the tent . However , the rain was still falling , and it was cold . My watch told me it was 36 F inside my tent . I laid there for a while , just listening to the rain fall , wondering if it would break so that I could break camp and get started hiking . 30 minutes later , I realized that I was just going to have to make a run for it in the rain , or at least a short run . Since my food and stove was in the car , I again decided to make the most out of it by deciding to boil my water for my coffee and to eat my breakfast muffins in the car . So , I changed out of my warm down layers , put on my cold ( but clean at this point ) hiking clothes , slipped on my Inov - 8 's , grabbed my water and my umbrella and made a dash for the car . Once I was in my car , I took full advantage of it by cranking it up and kicking the heater to high . Next , I pulled out the Jetboil , screwed the fuel canister to the stove , poured a little water into the pot and fired it up . * * Then just a couple of minutes later I had a nice , warm cup of coffee in one hand , and some blueberry muffins in the other ! I consumed my breakfast inside a warm car , watching the rain hitting the windshield . ( Yeah , I cheated , but it was my hike … ) By the time I finished eating and cleaning up inside the car , the rain had slowed some . I grabbed my umbrella and my water bottle and walked a little ways past where I had parked my car to a water source I had found the night before . I refilled my water bottle and then headed back towards camp . I stopped back by at my car and grabbed my food bag and my stove and mug , then made my way back to my tent . Back inside the tent , I started packing everything up and then loading it all back into my pack . But , by the time I had it all just about packed away , the rain picked back up ! So , I finished up and then decided to sit there and wait it out some more … Finally , around 9 am I decided it just wasn 't going to let up so I again slipped my shoes on , grabbed my pack and my umbrella and made a dash for the car . I slung my pack inside the car and then went back up the hill to take my tent down . After I got the tent down I went back to the car for the last time ( or so I thought ) . I jumped inside and packed away my wet tent inside my pack . Made final adjustments on everything , then threw my pack cover over my pack . I finally stepped outside my car , strapped my multipack ( with my camera gear inside ) around my waist , threw my pack on , flipped open my umbrella , locked the doors on my car ( first making sure that the car key was inside my pocket ) , grabbed my poles and began hiking ! So , the big picture was for me to begin my hike at Wayah Gap and finish a few days later at Deep Gap . This is a 30 mile stretch which , for me , was meant to connect 2 longer pieces of the Appalachian Trail that I had already hiked . I would begin my hike on Thursday morning headed south . One of my buddies had talked about possibly meeting me on Thursday night at Rock Gap Shelter and then hiking with me the rest of the way , although he was not sure he would be able to make it . Then , another buddy was going to meet us both at Deep Gap , where we would stay Saturday night , and then he would shuttle us to our cars the next morning . When I began hiking Thursday morning , it was cold , and it was still raining . The trail had already turned into a mess . The flat spots were either standing pools of water , or mushy muddy messes that were slippery . When heading either up or down the mountain , the trails were running streams of water and mud . I also noticed that all the branches on the trees were actually covered in ice , which weighted them down into the trail . The hike out of Wayah Gap and up to Siler 's Bald was a pretty easy hike though . The incline was pretty gradual , which made it an easy hike . However , I noticed that as my elevation increased , so did the wind . As a result , I was walking though a lot of falling ice , however , I started my hike with my umbrella deployed , which made me realize that it didn 't just protect me from rain , but also from the falling clumps of ice . As well , as I gained elevation and the winds picked up , I could also turn the umbrella into the wind a bit to help block some of it , although , at times the wind actually contorted my umbrella a good bit and I found myself wondering if the little umbrella was going to hold up . I met a number of other thru hikers headed north that morning , most of which decided that it was too cold , wet and windy to stand around and chat , so we passed with a quick hello or a word of encouragement . However , a few did compliment me on the umbrella for the simple fact that they were tired of getting hit in the head with the ice falling from the trees … This actually made me appreciate the umbrella even more … As a side note , before I left home , I had strapped my pack on and tinkered around with a hands free set - up for the umbrella , and of course it all worked quite well . I was quite sure it would work on the trail . However , I quickly found that it just didn 't feel like working out quite like it had at home , on the trail . So , I ended up having to hold the umbrella with one hand , which only left me one other hand to use a trekking pole . I hiked the rest of the day with one hand on the umbrella and one on a trekking pole . As for the second pole , I collapsed it as short as it would go and slipped the handle under my sternum strap . Since the poles collapsed rather short , this worked out fine . I began hiking quite slowly for the simple fact that I didn 't have far to hike that day , and that the elevation change was actually in my favor , not to mention the foul weather . I took the time to take care to place my feet in the driest , least muddy spot I could along - side the trail . Then of course I had to duck and dodge , or just push my way through all the drooping ice branches with my umbrella as my shield . I soon came out to the large bald which marked the end of the only real climb I had for the day . However , on this open , exposed bald , the wind was blowing more and due to all the fog I couldn 't see much . So , I quickly walked across it and to the wooded area on the opposite side . Once I got there , I noticed a sign for the Siler 's Bald Shelter . The sign was actually leaning against a post ( likely the one it was at one point attached to ) . The arrow pointing the way was pointed in the direction of an old road that led off from the AT . Despite that it was listed at being 0 . 5 miles off the AT , I had planned to stop here for a quick bite since it would actually give me some shelter from the rain and wind . I started hiking down the side trail / road . It quickly started heading down … and continued heading down . I started thinking if it was worth it to hike so far down for half a mile , but I wanted to shoot some more video , and of course to eat some food without having to stand in the rain to do so . So , I hiked on … and on … about 10 minutes later I started having second thoughts . I slowed my hike and then decided to just turn back around . The trail began heading down for the next 4 miles ( didn 't I say that the elevation change was in my favor ? ) . After hiking about 15 minutes down hill , I came to an intersection . The AT went to the right , and straight ahead was a blue - blazed trail . The sign at the trail head stated that the blue - blazed trail led to Siler 's Bald Shelter ! Wait , what ? ! I stood there for a bit and processed this . I wasn 't sure if I should slap myself on the head for taking the trail earlier , or if I should have patted myself on the back for deciding to turn around when on the side trail . I then wondered if it was just a big loop … The only way for me to figure it out was for me to head to the shelter … However , I decided against it . I knew that all the downhill hiking I had to do would be rather easy , and I could just find a spot to stop somewhere farther down the trail for a bite to eat . Nevermind the fact that the weather had not gotten any better than earlier , and in fact , maybe a little worse , although , this could have also been due to the higher elevation I was currently at . As I began hiking down again , I started meeting a number of other hikers , both weekend hikers ( like myself ) as well as thru hikers . Some stopped and talked with me for a bit while others were simply trudging on ( rightfully so considering the weather ) . Despite the fact that I never got any views , and the fact that the trail and the weather was nasty , there was also a magical feel . The ice in the trees and the fog actually made things look like something that I would see in the movies . As well , I came across a number of small streams and briefly watched the water rolling around and over all the moss - covered rocks . I really wanted to stop and take out my camera and shoot some pictures , however , the blowing rain kept me from it . The temperature also felt like it was still dropping , which was evidenced by all the ice build - up on my umbrella and my multipack . The edges of my umbrella were iced over , as well as the top of the umbrella , however , as I barged through low - hanging branches , this ice would recycle . Even the straps that hung from my backpack were turning into frozen , dangling popsicle 's ! Between the added weight of my wet tent from the night before , and all the ice hanging off of my gear , I am sure my total pack weight went up by a few pounds ! Heck , one hiker even told me I had something under my nose , and then I realized it was frozen snot ! The hike down from Siler 's Bald to Winding Stair Gap was all pretty much the same . Cold , wet , muddy , and windy with falling rain and ice . I came across about 20 hikers headed north , and even a couple of tents still pitched at Panther Gap . Then , about an hour and a half later I crossed over a wooden bridge next to a beautiful waterfall that begged for me to take a photo , and regretfully , I did not . The weather was still bad , and at this spot , the mist from the falls only added to the water in the air . So I trudged on … Shortly after , I was standing at the stairs leading up to US64 at Winding Stair Gap . Before crossing over the road though , I stayed under the trees and pulled out my phone . I did not get to call my wife the night before , and was still unsure if my buddy was going to be meeting me that night at Rock Gap Shelter . So , I turned my phone off of airplane mode and luckily picked up a piece of a signal ! I then called my wife and left her a message to let her know that everything was going well and where I planned to be that night . As I was making the call to my wife , a text message came in that my buddy had sent earlier that sounded encouraging . I tried to call him , but after no answer I replied via text and told him I would for sure be at Rock Gap Shelter and that I hoped he would make it . Now , I should add here that this was going to possibly be my second solo hike ( attempt ) , and that my first one did not turn out too well . After my first solo attempt , I realized that I did not like sleeping in the woods by myself , and that once faced with this I also found myself quite a bit homesick , missing my wife and kids and longing to be back with them . However , I have also found that as long as I have a buddy along with me on a hike , I am ok . I still find myself missing my family , and it seems to worsen at night for some reason , but at least I have a friend to share my experience with . When I planned this hike , I did so with the understanding that there was a good chance my buddy may not be able to meet me on that second night , which would mean that nights 2 & 3 would definitely be on my own . However , I crossed my fingers , hoping that he would be able to make it , and if not , then I could give solo camping a try again … I looked left and didn 't see anything that looked promising . I looked right and finally made out what looked like a parking area ( remember , it was a bit foggy … ) So , I started walking towards what I thought was the parking area , and it turned out to be just that . As I was walking into the parking area , a semi also pulled in , letting the cars behind him go around . I walked along side the truck ( and the driver made sure to keep his head down as if studying something until I passed ) . As the truck pulled away , I saw the trail ! Before hiking up the trail , I noticed an old iron pipe sticking out of the side of the mountain which had water coming out of it . It is actually a great spot for a refill , and had it not been raining quite so hard , I would have happily went back over and refilled . However , I was still able to draw water from my bladder when drinking from the tube , and I knew that despite the next section was a little bit of a climb , it was a short climb and then it was downhill to Rock Gap Shelter ! So , I climbed out of Winding Stair Gap . The last 3 . 8 miles was relatively easy , although the weather was still the same . As well , I only met 2 other hikers along this stretch , one on the trail and another at the shelter . The hiker on the trail told me that he was heading to Franklin for the night to get out of the weather and get a good meal and a warm , dry bed for the night . Shortly after meeting him , I came out at Wallace Gap , the last road crossing for the day , Old US64 at the entrance to Standing Indian Campgrounds . It was only 0 . 7 more miles to the shelter . Once I got to the shelter , I found another hiker standing at the shelter . He was still wearing his pack and appeared to just be checking the shelter out . I asked him if he was staying there for the night , and he confirmed that he was just checking it out . He said that there was a group of people still up on the trail , but they were all heading to Franklin for the night . I asked him if there were others behind them and he told me that as far as he knew , everyone was going to Franklin . To be honest , this made me nervous … After he left , I shrugged off my pack and began unpacking . It was just after 3 pm , and I knew that I had a long time to sit around before it was dark , and even longer before I would fall asleep . I hung my umbrella and my pack cover from nails in the shelter , and began setting up my spot inside the shelter . I decided that I wasn 't going to pitch my tent in the rain again , not to mention all of the huge branches that have been falling out of trees due to the weight of all the ice attached to them . I wasn 't interested in waking up to one of those laying on top of me in the middle of the night . So , I picked a spot in the tiny little shelter and made my nest … After I got everything sorted out , I grabbed my food bag and took it to the side of the shelter and sat at the picnic table . At this point , all I had eaten that day was the 2 packages of blueberry muffins and coffee I had for breakfast , and a Fuel ProBar that I had quickly dug out of my pack on the trail just below Panther Gap . So , I ripped it open and grabbed a bag of dried apples with cinnamon sprinkled over them . They were good … After eating them , I walked around the shelter . I checked out the bear cables , the privy ( which was very nasty ) and found the water source . After walking around a bit I decided to shoot some more video . I did not get to shoot much video at all while on the trail , or even take pictures , so I wanted to be sure I got some done here . As well , talking to the camera made me feel like I wasn 't so alone … After finishing the video , I walked around a little more , and then decided to try my phone again . I walked back up to the AT and then north a little ways and finally got a piece of signal again . I checked my phone for messages from either my wife or my buddy , but didn 't see one from either . So , I called my wife again and this time she answered . I spoke with here for a few minutes and then told her I had better let her go and try to get in touch with my buddy while I still had signal . After hanging up with her , I tried calling him , but again got no answer , so I text that I was there and would be there and hoped he could make it . I then walked back to the shelter for a bit . About 20 minutes later , I went back to the spot with reception and tried to get in touch with my buddy again . By this time , the loneliness had started to creep in and I suddenly decided that I didn 't want to spend the night out by myself . The words of the last hiker I met resounded through my head … " As far as I know , everyone is going into Franklin . " and to be honest , I got a little afraid . Then , as usual , I started thinking about my wife and kids … I finally got a text from my buddy saying that he was not going to make it . This decided it for me . I went back to the shelter , repacked my gear and headed back down the trail , this time in the northward direction . I was trying to decide if I wanted to follow the lead of the other hikers and try to hitch a ride into Franklin from Winding Stair Gap , or just trudge the entire way back to where my car was parked , at Wayah Gap . Either way , it was just after 4 pm , the weather was still wet and windy , ice and rain still fell from the skies , the trail seemed to be even messier than before , and the temperature was now at 33 F . I had to decide something , and do it soon . And to be honest , toughing it out and staying at the shelter ( very likely by myself ) was no longer an option . I decided to let me feet make the decision . I told myself that if I could make it to Winding Stair Gap by 5 then I would push on , all the way back to Wayah Gap , however , if it was later than that , I would try to hitch a ride to Franklin . At this point , I was not terribly tired or sore so I knew I could still crank out the miles . As I said , I took it easy hiking in , however , my body was a bit lacking in both water and food . In retrospect , I should have refilled my water before leaving the shelter , and I should have eaten more , but at that point , my mind was filled with thoughts of hiking another 10 miles back to my car , in crappy weather and possibly in the night . As well , as easy as the hike to the shelter was , it was that much harder hiking back in that direction … I had my work cut out for me . I flew . That morning , I took care to place my footsteps in areas so that my feet stayed dry , but now I stormed right through the middle of it all . The puddles splashed up and the mud caked up the sides of my pants . I still used the umbrella though to keep the top portion of my body dry , although , considering that I needed to make trail now , I found myself wishing that I could use both of my poles . This would have allowed me to travel faster , safer and with less impact on my body . As much as I enjoyed having my umbrella , I missed not having both hands for my poles . As I said , I decided that I would let my feet decided my end goal for the night , and they decided to go all the way . I strolled back into Winding Stair Gap right at 5 pm , which meant I covered those 3 . 8 miles in just under an hour . However , this was also the easiest part of the hike back . The next 4 miles were pretty much all uphill and my body was now starting to get tired . I decided that I would now fill up my water bottle since I thought I was still out , however , when I pulled the water bottle out , I found that it was still a third full ! For some reason though , I could not draw any water through the tube . My first thought was that the tube was kinked , it wasn 't . Then I started wondering about my filter … did it freeze ? So , I refilled my water bladder , hooked everything back up and took a drew hard from the tube … it worked . I did ok for the first mile up , but then my body said hang on . It needed fuel , so I stopped and pulled off my pack and dug through to find some more food . I pulled out a pack of Honey Stinger Fruit Chews and a pack of Ritz crackers . I ate the Fruit Chews and stuffed the crackers inside my multipack . I simply did not want to stand around eating but rather to be hiking . I did not particularly want to be hiking in these conditions and at night . The fruit chews helped a little . But I soon needed more , so I stopped near Panther Gap again and began to eat the crackers . Being dry , I needed to wash them down with water , however , I quickly came to the same point as I was at before when I thought I was out . I drew on the hose but got very little out . I felt the bladder and found that it was again about a third of the way full … So , I put the crackers away and continued on . I only had 1 . 7 more miles to get to blue - blazed trail that led off towards Siler 's Bald Shelter , and then only about another 0 . 5 miles to go to the top of the bald . Once I made it here , I knew that the hard part of my hike would be done , and that the last 1 . 8 miles would all be pretty easy downhill hiking . However , I found myself struggling quite a bit over these next 2 . 2 miles . My legs began cramping , especially when I stepped up . If I stopped I had to be careful with my legs otherwise they would cramp up . I was pushing myself hard and my body was pushing back … By the time I came to the blue - blazed trail leading towards the shelter , my spirits lifted . I knew I was closer to the top , and I decided to finish my crackers . I even managed to get a little more water to flow through the tube connected to my bladder , but not much . That was ok though , I only needed enough to get me to the top . As I was making my way back I was surprised at the trail . The trail of course looks different when headed in the opposite direction , however , the trail also looked different due to all the blow downs that I came across which were not there when I came through earlier that day . I had to climb up , over , and around 4 or 5 large blow downs on the way back , and the small trees that were hanging low earlier in the day now seemed to be hanging even lower . The trail in places looked like a huge ice chest had been dumped due to all the ice that had fallen ( and still were ) from the trees . I finally made it to the top of the bald ! It was my moment of victory , however , I dared not to stand around and celebrate for long , but just long enough to catch my breath and to massage my legs for a moment . I again drew hard from my drinking tube , but with little results . That was ok though , my hike was almost done ! I made it back to my car by 7 : 10 pm that night . It took me almost 6 hours to hike the trail southbound , in which the elevation was more of a loss than a gain , but it only took me 3 hours to hike it north . And my body knew it … I knew it … This hike was tough for me . I wanted to complete this section pretty bad , and despite me bailing , I really enjoy hiking , and love the backpacking part of it . However , this is the second trip I have now bailed on for the simple fact that I don 't want to be alone in the woods for more than one reason . With this in mind , I won 't be scheduling any more solo hikes , or even possible solo hikes in the future . This very well may limit my ability to get out and hike , but considering that this is only the second hike in over 3 years of hiking that this has happened , I don 't feel like it will limit my hikes that drastically . As well , thanks to my blog , along with my other social networking sites , I have made a few friends that I can hike with , while others have also extended their invitations . So , this is my hike , and this is how I have to do it … This hike was actually a very fulfilling hike , just not in the ways that I had hoped for when I set out last Wednesday morning . I still got out there , I pushed myself , I saw new trail , and with a different backdrop . I used new gear , I met a number of people ( 27 I think ) have ultimately broadened my hiking experience . Of course I did not complete the section as I had intended , but the trail will ( hopefully ) be there for a long time to come , and I have all intentions to getting back out … P . S : I apologize for any grammatical errors that may be in this write - up . I have spell checked it , but to be honest , I have not proofread it all due to the length . ( At almost 7 , 000 words , this is my longest entry so far . ) I will go through it more , but am comfortable enough with it at this point to share it . If I catch things at a later time , I will be sure to correct it . If you have any questions though , feel free to ask . Thanks again ! My blog is essentially a record of my hiking career . Through it , I , and others , can see how I have evolved from a heavy weight backpacker , to a smarter , more efficient , lightweight backpacker . Through the use of video , still photos , and of course writing , one can see my progression , as well as check out some of the places I hike , and not to mention some cool , lightweight gear options . For me , my blog is a journal , but for others , I hope that it is an interactive learning tool to aid them in their own progression towards lightweight backpacking . View all posts by Stick → This entry was posted in Gear , Trip Report and tagged Appalachian Trail , Backpacking , Hiking , trip report . Bookmark the permalink . ← Getting ready for a 3 Day AT Section Hike ! Reply Stick says : May 12 , 2013 at 6 : 32 pm I definitely agree about the ticks ! However , on this trip , those weren 't a problem … Oh well … 🙂 imeugeneius says : April 21 , 2013 at 3 : 19 pm To be quite honest , sounds to me like you had a serious case of analysis paralysis . Throw that saddle back up on the horse and get on down the trail . Sometimes it 's better to just stop worrying and just keep hiking . As for missing family , that ALWAYS gets me . Sometimes even to the point of not going , or at least not going as often as I would like . Once I am away though I prefer being alone , even to the point of wanting to move camp if company arrives . It is part of the magic and experience for me to spend the night completely away from others . I pull off the loner trips enough though that when I do camp with others , I can enjoy it . Reply Kevin says : April 16 , 2013 at 10 : 47 am Stick , I completely understand not wanting to do an overnight alone . Hiking down here in Big Cypress it 's never a good idea and I just plain can 't do it . I love hiking by myself but , can 't do the overnights alone . As for the length of your report . I personally enjoy the detail . I use these to gain mental experience and tips . You can never be too experienced ! I hope to one day do the AT and when I do I will have a wealth of knowledge from many others . Thanks and safe travels ! situation changed ( weather , mood , etc ) and always better to err on the side of safety for whatever the reason : ) One thought re : your loneliness . Maybe plan for just a few overnighters , then increase them by one day , then another etc . . build up to longer trips to get used to them . Reply John C says : April 13 , 2013 at 11 : 53 am Stick , unlike James up above , I didn 't find your article boring and I don 't think the AT " seriously sucks . " In fact judging from this article and some of your other articles , I would like to hike the AT some day . I live in Northern California and hike the Sierra Nevada range and the California Coast frequently , but to say there is no point in hiking the AT … well , that is just rude . I hope you get to do the Wonderland Trail this summer , although that is in the Cascade range , not the Sierra Nevada . But regardless of where a person hikes , the whole point is to get out in the " piny woods " and enjoy the great outdoors as Shug would say . Thanks for writing this up - I always enjoy your videos and blog entries . I think Herb nailed it : the fact that you stopped fairly early in the day didn 't help . If you are alone there isn 't a ton of stuff to do after you set up and eat and I agree that it 's better to roll in late and tired . This can be especially tough to do in the winter months or when the weather is bad as was the case for you . Although I understand the appeal of hiking solo for many , I find that I enjoy hiking more when I do it with others personally , and it may be the same for you . Reply KristalB says : April 12 , 2013 at 10 : 43 am Honest and informational - I always enjoy your posts , Stick . Thank you for always reviewing products and sharing helpful hiking tips . Blessings ! ! ~ Cornfield Reply roberta4949 says : April 10 , 2013 at 4 : 07 pm wow detailed story , don 't beat yourself up for not being able to go through with your plans , ( I kept saying what a buddy he left you in a lurch ) but maybe you canlook at it this way , you don 't want to be alone in the woods at night that is dreary cold and miserable , your survival instincts are telling you this is not a good place to be , some men and some woman do not have this survival instincts and these are the ones that get into serious trouble such as getting lost , injuried on trails or adventures they go on that sorta thing . you hear it all the time on the news and such where people dissapear when they go alone to some destination whether mountain climbing , or hiking , or horseback riding or swimming alone or some other activity , and is never heard from again , survival instincts are there for a reason . second you made it back faster because you were running in adrenalin , don 't knock it these hormones are our survival chemicals , get us through tough times , otherwise you might have had to transverse at night and then gotten injuried if you slipped or didn 't see a dangerous situation . so don 't hate on yourself ( your survival instincts ) but be thankful for them . my motto is always travel in dangerous situations in a group or at least with one other person , but it is safer with a group . never go alone to dark and dreary and too quiet situations . Thank God I have the Sierras so close by and deserts and the coast . The AT SERIOUSLY SUCKS and it 's so not interesting . There 's like no point of doing it … I have heard lots of wonderful things about the Sierra 's , and look forward to one day hiking in them , and I agree , there is probably a very large difference in the Sierra 's and the AT , however , you are seriously mistaken about the AT being boring … Although , we are all welcome to our own opinion … Thanks for stopping by ! Andy Amick ( @ palespruce ) says : April 9 , 2013 at 10 : 14 pm You sure that was " only " 7000 words ? It was a long read but a good read . You didn 't get to have several nights outside , but you did get in a 20 mile day even after a late start . Kudos for expressing that you get afraid when camping solo . I know I 've been there , and I 'm sure most other people have been too . David Sullivan says : April 9 , 2013 at 11 : 15 am Stick - Meant to comment on your observations in the video about trail etiquette … From a very young age I was taught that downhill hikers yield ( step off the trail ) to uphill hikers ; that day hikers yield to backpackers ; that single hikers yield to groups together ; that slow hikers yield ( step aside ) for faster hikers ; and that all hikers always speak ( or at least nod ) to passing hikers . Obviously , times have changed . Some people either don 't know the rules of trail etiquette or are just plain rude . I enjoyed your little video rant , but you were probably preaching to the choir . - David I agree with you that I am preaching to the choir … however , maybe it will hit some that are not familiar with it … Also , this isn 't the first time that I have had a right - of - way rant in one of my videos … I personally don 't mind pulling off for other hikers regardless of who is heading which way … so long as they either stop and talk or move on by … don 't hole me up though … 🙂 Enjoyed your writeup . I can 't help but think that the short hiking day was part of the reason you ended up bailing . Being by yourself on a dreary day with nothing to do b / w 3pm and bedtime is a recipe for failure . Things might have worked out fine if you 'd done a relaxed 20 hike and reached your destination at nightfall . First , bailing at that point isn 't really an option . Second , and more importantly , you 're more tired and ready for bed , so no time to sit and twiddle your thumbs and have your mind wander . Works even better in the summer , when you can walk a couple hours longer in daylight - till 9pm or so - and get even more tired . Just a thought , and again , thanks , enjoyed your writeup and enjoy your blog . Cheers . That is very likely true , and is one reason why I like to hike all day long ( other than the fact that by hiking from before sunup to after or near sunset is a great way to rack up on miles ) . However , for this trip , I had made plans to stop to meet my buddy at this shelter , so that kind of changed that option . Once he finally told me he wasn 't going to make it , I could have continued hiking farther south , however , I was afraid that I would have came to a full shelter and been forced to set up my tent under the falling trees , plus it would have cut my next day short , which would have presented me with the same issue … But , I really do agree with you . Hiking all day long will exhaust me more , and then once I rolled into camp my mind would then be on getting camp set - up and eating , then very likely bed … . Of course too , this is a perfect example of why solo hiking would be better , or at least hiking with partners that are more closely matched to my speed . Then again , I don 't mind hiking with slower hikers since we will then still all hang out at camp together each night … so long as the hikers make it … j . says : April 8 , 2013 at 7 : 59 pm to follow up on the coyote thing . One night hammocking in the forest of the Arizona Rim Country , my dog woke me up growling . In the glow of my headlamp were the eyes of a small coyote about 20 yards away . I yelled at it , and it quickly bailed . About 40 seconds later the forest around me ( it sounded like 360 degrees ) resounded with the insane yelping of a full coyote pack . I leashed my dog and went back to sleep , knowing that coyotes really are big fat wussies , and are mostly curious about you . They rarely mess with people . Honestly , I am more nervous about creepy members of my own species lurking in the backcountry . Reply Robin says : April 8 , 2013 at 4 : 52 pm Hell of a story , Stick . I appreciate both the detail and the honesty - writing might help work through those feelings , too . I camped in VA once , a solo trip - basically car camping , but I was in a tent . I woke at 10 : 30 to the yipping of coyotes around my tent , seemingly everywhere . I 'd been told they change pitch to mask their numbers , but it was unsettling nevertheless . And they didn 't seem to want to leave . The fact that my light never caught them was disconcerting , too . No one knew where I was - well , only generally - and I had no phone signal . I bailed and spent a restless night in my truck . It wasn 't rational : I know coyotes don 't usually mess with people , but solo nights in the wilderness aren 't always about rationality . I , too , thought of my wife and kids , wondering how they 'd be if something did happen to me . I suppose humans have fears for good reason ; it makes us consider our risks . Keith says : April 8 , 2013 at 1 : 30 pm Sometimes turning around is just part of the adventure . You made the most of it . Glad to hear you returned safely . Few people around me want to camp , much less hike . Most of what I have had to do has been alone . For the most part , I like my own company . On the other hand , I know what you mean about getting the spooks camping alone . I don 't mind the animals bumping around . I get antsy about the two - leggers that might be able to get to where I 'm settled . Deserted campgrounds are the worst . I joined the local hiking club this year and hope to get out and see what hiking in a group is like . It 's been a long while . I haven 't messed with the filter since I have been back , so not sure what was going on with it . However , the filter works just fine , so I don 't know … maybe it has something to do with the pressure in the bag and in the filter ? I dunno … Either way , I believe I will be going back to my water bottles on the shoulder straps … I 've never posted before , but love your blog . Thanks for all your writing . You 're honest and self - reflective in a way most people can 't be or won 't share , and this makes your reportage real and wonderful . Don 't stop ! … and thanks for talking about your umbrella . They seem so useful for a ton of reasons that I 'm looking forward to hiking with one this year . Protection from falling ice gives a brolly another + 1 for me . I think a light - weight , hands - free , pack - attached umbrella holder could be a breakthrough piece of gear for hiking . We could go from relatively few brolleys on the trail to ubiquity if someone could invent the right piece of gear . Please inventive types … go for it ! Hiking Home says : April 8 , 2013 at 8 : 41 am Sorry your trip did not go as planned . Weather conditions this year have been awful . Thanks for sharing your experience , but also for sharing your thoughts with us . I think most people can relate to your misgivings , and it keeps lots of people from ever venturing out on this type of journey . So , learn what you can from this , grow , adapt and try again another day 🙂 I wouldn 't say it is so much lack of confidence in my abilities … at least not in my hiking / camping abilities . I do agree though that if I were able to do it more often then I would likely get more used to it … Maybe one day … 🙂 j . says : April 8 , 2013 at 1 : 28 am Stick , Great report . You were incredibly honest about your fear of sleeping out alone . I do most of my walking here in Arizona alone . My girlfriend comes on occasion , but my friends simply are not interested . The places I choose to explore are , by virtue of their wilderness designation , usually empty of others . I am familiar with the despair and loneliness that creeps in once it gets late and you are all alone in the wilderness . On nearly every solo trip I get to the moment where I ask myself , " why am I all alone out here " ? Then the morning comes , caffeine is ingested , and the despair melts away . I have to admit that I cheat though : I always have my dog with me . Nevertheless , this emotional ride is an important part of the experience . Backpacking keeps me sane enough to face the madness back in civilization . I hope you can find away to continue and possibly get beyond this barrier , as you have a great thing going with this blog . Thanks . Reply Stick says : April 8 , 2013 at 6 : 35 pm Thanks J . I have often thought about getting a dog to carry with me on hikes , and I feel like it would make a difference , however , I don 't want to jump into anything … Maybe one day in the future we will get another dog … right now we have our Yorkie , but I don 't think that she would do very well on hikes … Anyway , I will continue to hike , as well as keep my blog up , or at least I plan to … ramblinghiker says : April 7 , 2013 at 11 : 07 pm Thanks for the great post and for your honesty . I travel solo and am fine with it most of the time . But sometimes I get creeped out camping alone if the conditions and circumstances are right . My guess is most solo hikers have these moments but most won 't admit it ! Reply Steve says : April 7 , 2013 at 8 : 49 pm Stick … wonderful write - up of your adventure . I loved the details . I started reading and was so enthralled I couldn 't quit reading . I deeply respect your honesty . You have honor man and that is so lacking nowadays . I often hike alone and think of having an accident and being by myself … not a great idea . Considering the weather conditions I am surprised you held up so well . Imagine how our forefathers were miserable out on the trail with not much gear and no built shelters . I have hiked , fished and rode a motorcycle for days in like conditions and it is no fun . Thanks for the article … my hat is off to you … Steve Jason Alford says : April 7 , 2013 at 8 : 45 pm Hi Stick … I 'm the guy who recognized you north of Panther Gap . We were in the thick of the crappy weather after we parted ways . We counted over 200 trees and widow makers falling that we could see . I got hit by 3 falling limbs on the trail ( couldn 't jump out of the way quick enough ) and there were some really close calls with some big ones . I watched my wife come within about 5 feet of being taken out by a falling tree and a thru - hiker by another one . We got to Wayah Bald shelter and people were crammed in tight . They made room , but we decided to tent . I found an area with minimal tree overhang . The limbs hanging over the area were about to come crashing down , so I used my bear bag to speed up the process . Just a light touch was all it took . A couple at the shelter had 2 limbs fall on their tent while they were at the shelter eating . One bent the tent poles and one ripped right through the tent . After that , they slept outside the shelter under the overhang of the roof for protection . We were set up right off the trail by Wayah Bald Shelter , so you passed right by us on your way out . About midnight , the temp warmed up and that 's when the ice really started falling . We got hammered for hours from falling ice . There was no sleep to be found that night . It was too dangerous to do anything but cover your head and hang on for the ride . The next day we hiked on north and someone at Tellico Gap said they counted over 100 new blow - downs ! Friday afternoon turned out to be beautiful . Saturday was even better . It sucks you had to bail , but I totally understand . We went from backpacking mode to survival mode with not only the falling trees , but also had the risk of hypothermia from being wet all day . For those wondering , yes the conditions were as bad as he says ( and worse later ) . If we could have bailed , we would have . I still have that section from Bly Gap to Winding Stair Gap to do , so maybe I 'll see you out there again . When I finish my write - up I 'll send the link . At least these types of trips make for good stories . Hi , and great to hear from you ! It was great getting to meet you and your wife while on the trail , and good to hear that ya 'll ended up having a safe and good hike , despite getting hit by a few branches . I will admit , the umbrella saved me from a number of fall downs … so I was grateful for it . It was definitely a good last minute decision to throw it in ! On my way back out , I also noticed a few blowdowns , and not small trees either . I actually remember seeing a particular tree that was shaped funny I first saw in someones video I watched before heading out on the hike . I noticed it when I hiked south , and then hiking north almost missed it because it was one of the blow downs . There were some good sized blow downs though . I knew for sure that if I had 've stayed , I would have definitely stayed inside the shelter . That is crazy to hear that the couple 's tent ended up with a tree through it . Do you know the couple 's name , or what sort of tent it was ? Anyway , glad to hear that no one was hurt , but I am sure that sucked sleeping around the perimeter of the shelter … or trying to … That is good to hear that Friday and Saturday cleared up . I was curious how the weather went after I left . I debated driving back to my Standing Indian and leaving my car there and carrying on the next day as planned , but by the time I got to the car , I was done . Jason Alford says : April 8 , 2013 at 8 : 53 am Just realized you parked at Wayah Gap , so you didn 't pass us on the way out . Duh ! We stopped for lunch and saw your car . Stopping for lunch there was a decision we later regretted big time . We should have kept going , because when we stopped we got cold . The trail from Wayah Gap to Wayah Bald Shelter was the worst section for us and we never were able to really get warm again ( had to go really slow due to all the blow - downs ) . Yeah , I didn 't go as far as Wayah Bald Shelter , at least not on this hike . I did that section sometime last year … I have got to admit though , that is the craziest weather that I have been in along the AT though … John says : April 7 , 2013 at 8 : 11 pm Love your post . As it is often said , " the devil is in the details . " If I always wanted to read a story with a predictable happy story line I guess I would just read Dr . Seuss . Thanks for your honesty it really showcased your humanity . As long as we learn it is never a failure . Keep posting . Reply Stick says : April 7 , 2013 at 8 : 45 pm Thanks John for stopping by and commenting ! I appreciate your support and am glad to hear that you enjoyed my story . And yes , I did learn a few things on this trip … so I don 't chalk it up as a failure , but as an accomplishment … just not the one I set out to achieve … 🙂 Ray " Walking Home " Peck Jr says : April 7 , 2013 at 7 : 53 pm Excellent post ! Very well written , a good read . It is too bad you had to bail , but it is understandable . Better to live to hike another day than to trudge on if you aren 't going to love it . Reading this brought back so many good memories from my thru , I remember those mountains , and recognized the shelters . In fact , that one you stopped at , with the bulletin board that kids use to communicate with the hikers , I recall had nice trail magic nearby when I got there . I would love to go back and hike some of those southern portions of the trail again . . Thanks for the kind words , and glad to hear that it helped to bring back some old memories . I will admit , the section of trail I did hike was a nice area , and I would love to come back and repeat it when the weather is a bit nicer … And I definitely look up to all of you who have thru hiked , huge congrats on that ! Despite my inability to camp alone , one day I would still love to thru hike one ( or more ) of the long trails … I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your blog and your youtube videos . All of them . You 've been a very big source of inspiration and information for me on going lighter and considering new gear . The first backpacking trip I ever attempted was two years ago in the smokies . Because of my inexperience and unwise gear choices my pack was way too heavy and my back just couldn 't take it after just a few miles down the trail . That 's when I started looking everywhere for more information about backpacking . With the information you have put on the Internet along with others like Mike Cleland ( I love his book ultralight backpacking tips ) and tons of others I was able to pare my gear down to the essentials to a level that my back was able to stand . Thanks for providing a very informative and important service for the hiking community . Darren Thanks for the kind words , and glad to hear that my blog & videos have been able to help you lighten your load . And I was , and still am , the same way . I scour the web for sites to find out about new gear and techniques , as well as interesting trip reports . There are definitely a number of good quality sites out there , and I am glad to hear that you consider my site one of those ! Thanks again ! Enjoyed reading your post and watching your video ( actually watching your video on my second monitor as I post this . Totally disagree with Bloozz . Haters gonna hate . David Sullivan says : April 7 , 2013 at 6 : 26 pm BTW , Chad , if you want to hike with your family to a wonderful spot that your kids will enjoy , try Hike Inn from Amicalola Falls . I know you 've been to the park and hiked the Approach Trail . It 's an easy five up to the Inn and the food is wonderful . http : / / www . hike - inn . com . Do it ! - David I would like to take the family for some more hiking in the Smokies too . That is a pretty area too . I told my daughter for my birthday , I want us all to stay at Kephart shelter in the Smokies one night . It 's an easy hike in , and the shelter is nice . I think they would also enjoy that … David Sullivan says : April 7 , 2013 at 6 : 22 pm Chad - Enjoyed the post … haven 't watched the video , but probably will . I am pretty much of an introvert who hikes by myself a lot and enjoys it ; however , my belief is that all of your 7 , 000 or so words came precisely because you hiked it alone . In my experience , hiking alone make me hyper aware of what 's happening around me , where I 'm putting my feet , who ( or what ) I pass on the trail , where I might stop for the night , and what I had to eat , etc . I think a person hiking alone is retains a lot more details about the trip . I 'm sure there is a psychological reason for that , but it 's not important . When I hike alone and write about the trip , I always have twice the verbiage as I do when I hike with a buddy or buddies . On my son 's first hike alone ( in Oregon ) , he hiked 16 miles out , couldn 't find a place to camp , and hiked 16 miles back to his car , arriving wet and very tired . He hasn 't tried it again . Me ? I love to lie in my tent and listen to the rain in the woods . Since I don 't have to hook up with anyone , I will pretty much just throw down on a level spot and wait it out . I 've read most of a novel that way . I love to hear the night sounds … but maybe that 's just me . Try it again some time … That is a very good point , and I agree with you . I did take notice of my surroundings much more , and that in itself was interesting . For this same reason , even when hiking with a group , I don 't mind hiking along . I actually try to get some alone time in each time I go . It is fun . I just gotta get the whole camping at night alone down … Anyway , I am sure that sometime down the road , I will try it again , however , it will be a while . I have to more bigger trips planned this year , and they will consume all of my time off from work . These trips will also be with groups … Maybe one day I will grow into it a bit more though … New to your blog and often find your frequently longwinded discourses intriguing and informative . Our situations are very different - I am old , you are young . You live in the East , I in the Colorado Rockies . I 'm impressed w / the evident honesty of your expressed feelings in this piece . I too , have wrestled w / loneliness and fear on solo hikes . That you would so nakedly express these feelings in such a forum speaks well of you . I look forward to your " personal " accounts as well as gear reviews in the future . Thanks for stopping by and admitting to finding my longwinded entries informative ! I appreciate that . I will admit , I do try to keep things short when doing them , but that just doesn 't happen for me . These entries & videos are actually my shortened version … 🙂 Anyway , as far as the loneliness and fear , it is something that I have struggled with on each hike , but so long as I do have friends along , it is easier to deal with . But I love getting out so much … When I read of others that solo hike great distances , that truly amazes me … I read of their accounts and find myself dreaming of the same things … but then I get out there and lock up ! It 's crazy , but it 's the way it goes . I hope that one day I can overcome it though … Wow … . . Very well written , I very much disagree with Bloozz . I like to read the details as I hope that i can gather some insight from them . lmao as I was reading about the Jetboil in your car I thought to myself surely he didn 't do that inside the car , it was refreshing to see you fess up . Reply Stick says : April 7 , 2013 at 5 : 10 pm Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read through it . Glad to hear that you enjoyed it and I appreciate you taking the time to comment ! Thanks , Bloozz says : April 7 , 2013 at 3 : 01 pm Way , way too much detail here dude . I thoughtmthere was going to be some point to the extraordinary amount of detail you were giving - but no , there was just more and more insignificant detail . I wish you 'd put your videos at the beginning of your post - I always forget that it says exactly the same as your written description . I could have saved my self having to wade through all of the useless detail I appreciate you taking your time to stop by and read , however , I am going to have to disagree with you on your analysis . I didn 't find any of it to be " useless detail , " however , I understand that others may feel that way . I would like to add though , my blog is as much for me as it is for the public , maybe even moreso for me . So when I do trip reports , I like to include as much about the trip as I can remember so that I will have it for later . Again , I understand that this may not appeal to the public , and I am fine with that . As far as the video , I felt that where it is , is a more appropriate place , as it fits in the story better . Reply Stick says : April 7 , 2013 at 3 : 15 pm Thanks Duane , I appreciate it and glad to hear you enjoyed it . As far as the shelter , since I only used it the one night , it is hard to really say a lot . As well , the ground was not quite level , so that made the pitch a bit wonky . So far though , I like the tent , but I think that I will start pitching it a couple of inches taller , just to get a bit more head room . I have just enough when pitched on level ground , but this pitch was not on level ground , and made the head end feel a little shorter . I am probably just spoiled with all the room I had inside my Hexamid … 🙂 Anyway , I look forward to using it some more ! Borah Bivy Modification 10 Essentials Suunto Core , 1 Year Thoughts . . . First Look at My 2017 Zpacks Arc Haul Gridstop Backpack ZPacks Cuben Fiber 18x36 Dry Sack Pack Liner Top Clicksbackpackgeartest . org / revi … flatcatgear . comyoutube . com / user / shugemer … litetrail . com / shop / litetr … docs . google . com / spreadshe … facebook . com / pages / Sticks … zpacks . com / accessories / ev … whoopieslings . comstick13 . files . wordpress . c … backpackgeartest . org / revi … Oldies But Goodies … Oldies But Goodies … Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
By sarah Sometimes time folds in on itself . A picture , a word , a passing scent can trigger a visit to the graveyard of the past . This week , for me , those pictures and words are everywhere . Attached to them are so much advice . So much opinion . It makes me feel strange inside and I want to say , ' You know what , just shhh . You 're not helping . You 're making her ground more unsteady ' . One night when I was 19 , at maybe three in the morning , he wrote ' I love you ' on an empty wine bottle and waited for me to notice it . And there it began . Boy kisses girl . I was wild and free and loved to laugh and dance and stay up all night . He was wild and talented and clever and funny . He was charismatic . He was also put together wrong . We loved each other very much , I think . At first . Too much . I loved him for the places where the ground was steady . I was too young to know that so much intensity was not necessarily a good thing . I loved his passion . I loved his talent . We could laugh for hours . The sex was great . He was wrapped up in me and I liked that . We were one against the world . And then , after a little while , the world shifted . There was only our world . And the ground was full of cracks that moved suddenly under my feet . It started with the narrowest of hairline fractures , so small I didn 't see what it would become . Hours of silence and accusations after he 'd seen me laughing with an ex - boyfriend on the college campus . The first bottle thrown . Not at me . Not then . But thrown all the same . I slowly stopped talking to my friends . It was easier than the knot in my stomach that worried he might see me . I loved him . I just wanted him to be happy . I didn 't want to ' do anything wrong . ' We started living together . The cracks appeared more frequently . I flirted too much . I laughed too much with his friends . I realised things were very badly awry when I got home from college and chucked my cigarettes and lighter down on the table rather then placing them precisely at the right angle . He threw me down on the floor , knelt on my chest and squeezed my eyes into my head while spitting in my face . Afterwards he cried . I tried to make it better . The ground is never steady when you live with someone like that . It shifts with the moods . Where to put your feet becomes an OBSESSION . One day he shoved me against the wall by my throat and threw me down the stairs for putting a ribbon in my hair on the first day of a new term . Why ? Who is it for ? Who do you want looking at you ? You 're so ugly and stupid no one would look at you anyway . The next week the problem was that I hadn 't put any make - up on or a short skirt to go to his gig and he wanted everyone to see his gorgeous girlfriend . I learned then that the cracks had no logic . By the end of a year , watching the ground was all I did . My friends had stopped talking to me and inviting me to things . I only saw his friends and only briefly . If he went out he 'd call every hour to check I was still at home . I tied my hair back every time I cooked ( yeah , I even cooked back then ) just in case one got in the food . I remember being curled up under the bathroom sink while he pressed my face hard into the wall . I can 't even remember what I 'd done . The reasons blur . The outcomes don 't . And then , for a while , it would all be fine . The knots would unfurl . We would laugh all night . I could do no wrong . It was magic that felt all the stronger for the times I got stuck in the cracks . It was love again . For a while . One night , I was in the bath and didn 't answer the ringing phone . When he got back he pinned me down so hard he broke both our bed and the top rib under my collarbone . I think he even scared himself a little bit then . At 41 , looking back , reading this back , I can 't believe I didn 't get a bag and walk right out . Even some of his friends , young as we all were , had started looking at me searchingly and asking me if things were okay . I can 't even remember why I didn 't . I was worried about the lease on our flat that our parents had guaranteed . I didn 't want to talk to my parents about it - they still hadn 't forgiven me for my ridiculous adventure the previous year . I didn 't want to talk about it AT ALL . The crunch came about two weeks later when I was on the phone to his mother - his not mine - and he threw a beer bottle at my head . She told me to get out . She told me not to worry about the rent . Maybe those pictures are Nigella 's phonecall / beerbottle moment . I hope they are . There are lots of ' yay she 's moved out ' comments in the papers and on the internet . Writer of supernatural and crime fiction for Gollancz in the UK . I 've written six horror novels and my first thriller , A Matter of Blood , wa View all posts by sarah This entry was posted on Wednesday , June 19th , 2013 at 12 : 15 pm and posted in Uncategorized . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2 . 0 feed . « Letter to my teenage self … Wow - this may be a cliche Sarah , but these are brave words , and even braver that they have been immortalised . I have friends who have been through this kind of abuse and everythime I hear of anyone going through it my heart breaks . Liz and I have a great relationship , and jealousy just doesn 't factor in it anywhere - this is why , when someone says they love their partner but still abuses them , it leaves me scratching my head in bewilderment . To employ yet another cliche " If you truly love someone let them go - if they come back it 's meant to be … . " My sister went through similar with first husband . a policeman . I helped her get house with her twins . she went back couple of times for kids sake but he was too violent . Hit her once for not having his baked beans at optimum temperature . Pleased you came out other side . but when it comes to front pages it must bring back memories for you and many other women . I even tweeted Nigella _ Law asking if she was ok . I know my sister felt for years partly to blame . which she wasn 't . but married happily again unfortunately to good man who sadly died . Sorry to prattle on but I anchored violence and bullying to wives xx I relate to what you have so eloquently put . Fortunately , it was not me but my mother who suffered at the hands of my father . I remember climbing out of a first floor window in my nightie when I was 10 and hanging onto a drain pipe until the violence inside stopped and he realised I was gone . Even at the age I didn 't climb down and go for help because I knew it would upset whatever ' normal ' times we had . I was 16 when I stepped in and cracked a couple of his ribs , which shocked him to the core , and I never looked back . I packed my bag and left home , in a very middle class way , as I only went as far as my grandparents . It gave my mother the strength to leave finally , and for her life really did begin at 40 . She was always a successful business woman , because the worse things got at home the more passion she ploughed into her work life . Victims can be from any walk of life . I felt the same sick feeling when I saw the Nigella photos … I cried reading this post , mostly a terrible ache inside for your 19 - 20 year old self . I think there are many of us who have triggers that send us down a path of remembering the painful past and we wish we could speak to our young selves , or to someone else who doesn 't know where to put their feet . I hope someone will be motivated to take action in their lives because of this post . xx I grew up in a violent abusive house , and married a controlling arse who was mentally abusive rather than physically . For a girl who 'd been sexually abused too , but never saw the signs until she grew older and wiser , he seemed like the only option . Eventually I broke free of the cycle , but it scares me I might slip back , particularly if I 'm feeling lonely and vulnerable . Enormous amounts of kudos for your bravery . Be safe , be well . I 'm just going to echo the thanks for writing this . And the bit about the logic of the cracks ? Oof . Yeah . There isn 't any logic . Ever . My divorce is coming through soon . It 's been nearly two years since we separated . Reading this , felt oh so familiar , yet so different . My partner would hit and kick and slap and scratch and sometimes even bite . I never had any bones broken , but plenty of bruises and scratches and scabs . My friends stopped noticing the marks and soon they stopped calling at all . It was too much to work around me and my jealous partner . The fear of missing out and low self - esteem lead to endless controlling and interrogation . " What were you talking about ? " " Just tell me what the joke was " " Why were you looking at them ? " . I 'm still not in touch with any of my female friends from before our relationship started . Few of my male friends survived either . The temper wasn 't confined to me either . Televisions , computers , doors , walls , plates , mugs all have been replaced or repaired . Always during the remorse phase , of course . In the end , I self - censored . I stopped looking at people in the eye . I stopped going out . It was easier than to do it wrong . My partner wasn 't violent all the time , it came it fits and bursts . Some years were better than others . Therapy helped , but never completely wiped out that need for control or ever sufficiently instilled the ability to take responsibility for decisions that went bad . Some one else was always to blame . The galling thing is that when the relationship ended , I wasn 't the one to end it . I wanted to stay together , for the sake of the children . But when it came to it , my wife wasn 't happy and it I was to blame . The one time I defended myself , an exercise in restraint - literally , resulted in my arrest : my fingerprints taken , my DNA swabbed from my mouth . The charges were never brought , but the records are all there now . Arrested for domestic violence . Actual Bodily Harm . That file will always be there now . She gets the kids , the house , the car . She even gets to sue me in the divorce courts for unreasonable behaviour . No doubt she 'll get to come after any money I make after the divorce . She routinely uses the contact with the children as a lever to get whatever she wants . I 'm an on - demand baby sitter , money faucet and errand runner . Anytime I inconvenience her , it isn 't long before my boys aren 't allowed to come and see me . A friend tweeted me your link , which resonates for me . Arguments about mozzarella in pasta being too stringy , him not wanting to go out but not wanting me to so he just sat watching TV while I waited for him until it was too late for me to go on my own , chasing me around the house to carry on an argument that I just wanted to end ( even following me into bathroom , towering over me as she shouted at me while I peed ) , being humiliated in front of cashiers at Tesco so I stopped going with him , not wanting to admit to my parents that their instinctive dislike of him was justified , even humiliating me in front of his own family when he wanted to leave and I was having such a good time that I didn 't want to . No violence until the last time a few months after I 'd ended things but we were still sharing the house . I 've not spoken to his family since that day and I often wonder whether they were surprised that I left or surprised that I 'd stayed with him for nine years . * Those photos * sent chills down my spine . I too hope it 's her beerbottle moment . I ask this because I was 5 years old when I watched my father with a kitchen knife in his hands threatening to kill my mother who had pinned down hard on the floor and because there was no doubt in my mind whatsoever that what I was seeing was wrong and because for the life of me I will not understand why it still took another 2 years for her to divorce him and for me to reach 11 years old so that I felt old enough to say to him - you are no longer welcome in this house which is actually when she stopped letting him in . I asked this of my mother and she said she felt sorry for him . Why did she never feel sorry for me ? I 'm glad you got out . A very close friend of mine went through something similar , and when a chance encounter with her excluded friends persuaded her to leave , her possessive boyfriend stabbed her 26 times before slitting her throat . Nicest girl in the world , you couldn 't help but like her even when she broke all your best glasses and forgot stuff miles after you 'd left her house . On the dark days when emotion rules over logic I can 't help but wonder if she 'd still be alive if she 'd stayed , maybe just a little longer . Maybe if I as a friend hadn 't been loyal and not turned my back even when she was forced to , there would have been nothing to escape to . The day she died I realised there was a cost to being my friend and whilst I do not shoulder the blame of her death ( he is solely responsible for his own actions ) , the guilt that I was the reason for her making the decision to leave is branded into my soul . I have friends I want to send this to , but I 've said my piece in the past . I 've shared it because I hope they see it - because I hope they do what you do , and leave . Sooner rather than later . Thank you for sharing x I 'm glad you got out . A very close friend of mine went through something similar , and when a chance encounter with her excluded friends persuaded her to leave , her possessive boyfriend stabbed her 26 times before slitting her throat . Nicest girl in the world , you couldn 't help but like her even when she broke all your best glasses and forgot stuff miles after you 'd left her house . On the dark days when emotion rules over logic I can 't help but wonder if she 'd still be alive if she 'd stayed , maybe just a little longer . Maybe if I as a friend hadn 't been loyal and not turned my back even when she was forced to , there would have been nothing to escape to . The day she died I realised there was a cost to being my friend and whilst I do not shoulder the blame of her death ( he is solely responsible for his own actions ) , the guilt that I was the reason for her making the decision to leave is branded into my soul . Thank you . Sometimes we just need to know that we are not alone and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel if we want there to be . I 'm not sure why things like the house and the car and the dvd collect stopped me from moving on , change is terrifying , but living in fear is not living . I thank god for the day it all ended and i could learn to be me again , I 'd forgotten how to laugh . You have given me another reason to smile today . Thank you Sarah . Sarah , your writing is always powerful and personal but this is on a new level . I ache inside that someone I know suffered so much and nobody stepped up , nobody came to your side with support . To be abused is bad enough ; to have that abuse ignored is another . I read this immediately after Giles Coren 's piece in the latest Esquire about his sexual abuse by a teacher 30 or more years ago . He looks back almost with nostalgia . Wrong . Abuse is abuse and I respect and honour you for the courage not just to write your words but also to present them to the world . Will they help other women ? God , I hope so . You 're a brave and wonderful person , now surrounded by the love and support of everyone who reads your works . I 'm sorry we weren 't all there for you when you needed us . Hi , I know you 're an amazing writer ; I read mayhem . But this piece is the best blog you have written . I 'm sitting here crying . Not for you , but for me , or the memory of me . The tying back the hair in particular , but it wasn 't to cook , it was to look less of a woman in front of others . It 's a wonderful , honest and brave piece x Thank you for sharing this . It resonated - coming from an alcoholic family I know about walking on eggshells , and your story bridged the link from that which I understand , to that which I did not - staying with an abuser . Your honesty will help others find their bottle moment . Many women go through at least one abusive relationship , and this post describes that experience very well . Remembering that the prompt was the Nigella Lawson story , I have to point out that Lawson is my age , not 19 - or even 41 . If people are shocked because she stays in such a relationship it 's because so many of us left men like her husband decades ago . Lawson is in a very different place , and the accumulation of physical and psychological abuse must have taken a great toll . I salute you - and myself - for walking away from abuse . And I 'm glad you realize that Lawson may be too damaged to do the same . Yes , this . Truth . I am glad for you being able to look back and remember . I still lose something , coherence , memory , when I remember . Nobody should have to put up with that Sarah . It must have taken a hell of a lot to put this in words . I just hope your words help others to get out of bad relationships . So glad you got out and got away . My mother put up with shit like this for too many years . My wife did with the last asshole she dated before leaving him and us getting together . And it heartens me that I 've seen her growth and how much she 's succeeded and achieved in the intervening 25 years . You were the strong one . He was the weak one . I have a similar story - much like you I tried to stick it out , make it work . Friends drifted away because I wouldn 't leave , wouldn 't listen because he was otherwise good to me . Foolish but I was young and it was instilled in me at an early age that the " man " was always right and if there was a problem in the relationship it was up to me to fix it . After the first ' blowout ' I threw him out of the house . The only support I received from my father was " you had better clean up the mess in the house " and " the rent had better not be late " and out of necessity I was forced to take him back . I finally got out of the situation but far from unscathed An achingly familiar story , Sarah . I 'm sorry , for you , for me , for all the others who 've been there , who are there still . Thank you for writing this . " I don 't know where to put my feet up " is the most appropiate way to explain that helplessness , the not belonging anywhere feeling that comes with any kind of physical or mental abuse . In my case my disability ( I 'm now fully deaf ) was beat over my head until I truly believed how utterly worthless I must be . Years later I 'm still haunted by those men and the way they made me feel . These days I honestly pity them , their small minded controlling complexes . I 've come a long way and it sounds like you have too . I learned to make my peace with life before life buried me under an avalance of ' what - was ' . Thank you ! For adding your voice to the many who go on . I truly believe we are stronger at the broken places . ( Hugs ) Indigo Sarah , thanks so much for writing this . I have spent all week feeling tearful and angry after seeing the pictures of Nigella . I felt it all over again when I read your blog . If there can be one positive thing that comes from this week , I hope it 's that people realise you don 't have to be a " victim " to suffer abuse of this kind . Women who are beautiful , confident and funny can also have their sense of self - worth eroded by a systematic attack . I have my own story , and you 're absolutely right about the " cracks " and the slow deconstruction . There are so many people who will tell you that they wouldn 't let themselves get into that situation . Maybe they 're right , but if someone reads your blog and recognises the " cracks " in their own relationship maybe they will get out at the right time . Thanks for writing this . There will be some , at least , who recognize the situation and start moving in a healthier direction , and we need lots of that ! The abuse can be so hard to see , when one 's in the middle of it … . I went through a similar hell ( the abuse wasn 't physical ) . I 'm out of it now , and I 've learned a lot . Readers , don 't fear asking for help . There are forums , hotlines , etc . Make use of them ! You know lots of women go through these kind of abuse everyday and are so scared to say a word or even blink for someone to help , but it is about time we all rise up and speak out about the violence that comes with crazy love sometimes . Well written and I felt every word , this can save a life and can empower someone who may be going through what you have . Thanks so much , it is an eye opener . Thank you for this . I shared this on my FB wall because I ( too ) would like to raise awareness / conviction in the worth of striving for personal empowerment and fulfilment . The worth of clarifying and making a stand for where we want to put our feet . Abuse is abuse , from whomever and throughout any aspect of life . While there are many reasons to take it there also many reasons not to , many better ways to strive for . With determination , we can create our happy life . Terrible circumstances in my home led to physical / emotional abuse . Alcoholism and mental illness played their part . There came a point when I realised that it wasn 't me , that it had nothing to do with me ; I was still a child then , heartbroken , but not headbroken . But it gave me a hard edge that kept me safe ; I only ever had one boyfriend who tried to hurt me . He kicked me from behind , I turned , slammed the door in his face and told him to leave , then I phoned the police . A stranger tried to attack me , I fought him , removed his knife and got rid of him , thought it was a terrible experience . Now I read your words and wonder how much of my self , was born from the girl who suffered . My friends calls me strong , but perhaps I stand on the shoulders of a giant ; little girl me . Reading this , it 's frighteningly similar to my relationship 11 years ago . So much of what you write was me during that time . I was thrown down stairs , pinned so furniture broke , cracked ribs , had a cricket bat taken to my left knee …… Thank you for writing this piece ! A long distance friend went through something similar . In some ways she may have had it better ( she hasn 't described any attacks so bizarre and physical . Yet . ) but in others … his family sided with him , and she had a baby to worry about . Love to you , Sarah . Great big love and gratitude for you honesty and courage . I want to show this letter to my daughters because they always wonder how someone gets into an abusive relationship . You nailed it . Thank you for putting yourself out there . I hope that there is someone out there who reads this and finds her / his feet and makes up their mind to get out . Any type of violence should not be tolerated . Turn that person in to the Authorities . Press charges and be strong . Go to a shelter if you don 't have any place else to go . There are people who are only on your side . Reading this gives me the strength and courage to continue with my battle . Although not physically abused , the mental tirade of manipulation , bullying and destruction of my self image has left scars that will take years to heal . There are days when I simply want to throw in the towel but then I think if my beautiful 20 month old little boy and somehow I find the will to keep going . Kudos to all those who have taken a stand and said enough , no more . You are all so brave . God bless So much respect for your bravery and beautiful truth - telling Sarah . Thank you for writing this . I 'm so sad you went through something so terrible . And I too have thought about the woman at the centre of this whole affair , who is probably frightened and humiliated and just wants everyone to stop talking about her . Because the shame you feel when you 're on the receiving end of abuse is just beyond words . x from one who peered out across the chasm to another - well done , you . those that offer their perfect 20 / 20 hindsighted " i never liked him anyway " and " why did you marry him in the first place " comments never fully understand . and truthfully , they are better off that way . if you can never quite figure it out for yourself , explaining it to others can be fruitlessly exhaustive . but you 've done beautifully here . so again , i say - well done , you . for the writing , and for the life you live . from one who peered out across the chasm to another - well done , you . those that offer their perfect 20 / 20 hindsighted " i never liked him anyway " and " why did you marry him in the first place " comments never fully understand . and truthfully , they are better off that way . if you can never quite figure it out for yourself , explaining it to others can be fruitlessly exhaustive . but you 've done beautifully here . so again , i say - well done , you . for the writing , and for the life you live . * safe virtual hugs if you 'd like them * , Sarah . I have lived in similar situations and watched my dysfunctional parents live out something similar ( dad has schizophrenia , though ) . Thank you so much for sharing this with us . Thank you for writing this . You are so brave , this is so powerful , and I hope it inspires other people in relationships like that to get out early on when they can see the signs . I was in one , and I ran . The damage was done , but I ran eventually . Thank you again for this , This is all too familiar to me , I could 've written it myself . But I did not . You did . Thank you for saying what I never could . I have respect for you . I am I the middle of divorce from mentally abusive husband , I 'm happy that this is the only evil I 'll see from him . In just a month time he showing some , strange to me , face of bastard . Every day he do some even more bad things , like some mind games who can think of something that will hurt other but no one other can see that . Now , lucky me I stand solid with my both feet on the ground , he can do me no harm , I 'm spiritually strong , I have found source of life in me ! That is true power ! I can see through those masks that he try to put on him , on the inside he is just a young boy who want his girlfriend back and he doesn 't know how to act in order to achieve that . Ok , this is part of my story at this moment . That was very honest , and terrible , and beautifully voiced . How many people , male and female , get sucked into a few good days that are outnumbered by the horrible , at the hands of a lost soul ? Your writing is so blunt and transparent , and I love it . Thanks for sharing ! |
This morning , a little before 9AM , we left our house in Ocean City , heading to Raleigh , North Carolina , and Father 's Day with our Son Billy , his wife Lori , and our two Grandchildren , Layla and Henry . Having made this trip once before , for Layla 's birthday in April , we weren 't sure what kind of traffic we 'd find on a Summer Saturday morning along Southbound I - 95 . Everything was going fine , until we crossed into Maryland , and approached Baltimore . Suddenly the GPS told us that there was " Severe Traffic Ahead " , and routed us off I - 95 . Figuring we were just going around Baltimore , we weren 't concerned , until the GPS said to follow US Route 301 for 99 miles to Interstate 95 ! Old motels from the 50s , and local restaurants replaced the fast food joints and Hampton Inns . The road was rural , with only a light every once in a while , and we were taken back to what the east coast was like before Interstate 95 . Reminded me of road trips I 'd made to Miami Beach with my folks , before the interstate existed . Heck , we even saw several restaurants that had obviously been Howard Johnson 's back in the day . All in all , not a bad way to spend some time on the road , especially if I - 95 was crawling along , bumper to bumper ! Before we were re - routed by the GPS , we 'd seen something we 'd never seen before . A tractor without a trailer , pulling a car , like you 'd see a motor home doing . I mention this , because after the almost 100 miles on 301 , when we were about to join I - 95 again , there was the exact same vehicle coming off I - 95 , meaning that they 'd taken the same amount of time to traverse this section on I - 95 , as we 'd taken on 301 ! Only thing was , we 'd stopped for lunch , and hit the bathroom too , so we had scenery , lunch , a bathroom break , and done it in the same time ! Thanks Ginger Peach ( our GPS ' given name … by us ) ! In October of 1980 , a little more than a year after we got married , Susie and I embarked on a 10 states in 8 days Road trip , across the North East . We traveled in our new 1980 Honda Civic , and saw the Old Man in the Mountain in New Hampshire , went to the top of White Face Mountain in New York State , and made our first visit to Amish Country in Pennsylvania . On that first visit , we stayed in a small place in the town of Intercourse , PA called the Intercourse Village Inn . We spent one rainy night there , and we have memories of the sound of rain and the clip clop of Amish horses as we went to sleep that night . Susie just had a big birthday this Memorial Day Weekend , and I thought she might get a kick out of returning to an area we spent a lot of time in over the years , even though we hadn 't been here for years . So today , we traveled over for a couple of days from Ocean City to spend two nights visiting Amish Country . We 're once again staying in Interourse , PA , this time at the Best Western Intercourse Village Inn and Suites . Does that name sound familiar ? Yep , it 's the same place we stayed at on that first visit , almost 37 years ago , but like so much else in the area , it 's changed a lot ! Things have changed and so have we , so for Susie and I , this may be our last trip to the area . We ate tonight at Millers , and it was as we remembered , but an " all you can eat " buffet is no longer who we are . Areas that we remember as quiet little shops , are now huge shopping centers . Hell , there 's even a Target on Route 30 ! But , if you get off of the beaten path , and on the side roads , there still are places that we remember . Places that I can still see a much smaller version of our kids at . Places that still transport us back to a time when we were all younger . So , will this be our last trip to this area ? As they say , Never say Never , but we kind of think it will . Urban civilization has moved closer to the area , more and more farms are now housing developments , and there are less and less of the places we remember from our younger days . As I said , Never say Never , but if this is our last trip to the area , it 's kind of poetic that our visits to this area are bookended by staying at the same place on our first and our last visit ! This whole weekend carries many memories for me , as it was always one that seemed to make the D ' Elias a typical American Family . In the early days of being a family , the weekend always started with a great fireworks display on the beach Friday night at Bar Harbor , on the Long Island Sound side of the Town of North Hempstead . We attended this event for many many years , and over the years , our group of friends changed and grew . It started out being folks from ABC , then church friends were added , eventually the kids ' school friends ' families , and then neighbors and our Boy Scout friends joined . Whatever the make up of the group , it always was centered around sitting in a beach chair , surrounded by our kids and friends , watching a wonderful Gucci fireworks show . What could be more American than a local fireworks display on the beach to start your Memorial Day Weekend ? Then , Saturday morning , bright and early , it was time to pile everybody in the van and hit the highway . To be specific , to head to the Garden State Parkway , and even then , our spiritual home , Ocean City . We 'd stay in a motel , we 'd walk the boardwalk , we 'd eat pizza and french fries , we 'd play ski ball and mini golf , and join with hundreds of our Shoobies in the traditional first week of the summer season in whatever year it happened to be . That was our usual Saturday and Sunday routine , and then Sunday night . we 'd pile into the van again , and start the northbound trek up the Garden State Parkway home to Long Island . While Memorial Day 's date would change year to year , one special event that was also usually centered around this weekend was Susie 's May 28th birthday . Some years it happened before the actual weekend , and some years after , but the many years that it landed on the weekend , it was a huge part of the D ' Elia Family 's Memorial Day weekend . Some years it was celebrated with a candle in a Hostess Cupcake in a motel room , some years there was a fireworks display on her birthday to mark the special day , and some years , the Village of Mineola even threw a huge parade to celebrate … Susie never knew exactly what form that year 's celebration would take ! As much as we love the traditions that have become such a huge part of our family 's life , as time goes on , things change . Eventually the fireworks display on Friday night at Bar Harbor ended , and we no longer had that anchor for our weekend . The kids got older , and they had their own life , and were no longer interested in Dad 's version of the typical American Memorial Day Weekend . For the past 13 Memorial Days , we 've owned our house in Ocean City , and so that has led us to create new traditions . For many of those 13 years , we have had the kids join us at the house , we 'd spend the weekend on the beach , on our front porch ( when the weather has been better than it 's been this weekend ) , surrounded by our family and their friends , and our Ocean City friends who have become more like family than friends . We 've celebrated Susie 's special day with the kids , at the Ocean City Yacht Club , at a surprise party at a friend 's house , or just sitting around having friends drop in to have a drink , and share her special day with her . If you ask me , great new traditions that will last forever ! From Billy 's first year in Cub Scout Pack 246 , through the years when younger brother Kenny joined him , the years when Billy transitioned to Boy Scout Troop 45 , to the years when Kenny and Dad joined Billy in Troop 45 , to the years when Billy went off to college , and even long after Kenny stopped being a Boy Scout , marching in the parade was a constant part of this weekend . Some years my Mom would drive in from Bayside , and she , Susie , and Krissi would stand on the side of the road and cheer us on . Some years Susie 's Dad would join us in the parade , and we 'd end up after the parade at a party at her Dad 's VFW Post in Albertson . Some years we 'd sit on a neighbors porch and reflect on the day and the parade , and for many years , the day would end at our good friends Pat and Steve Grosskopf 's house , as Scoutmaster Steve would throw a huge post parade party for the Troop 45 Family ! Because both Susie and I were retired last year , and there was no reason for me to be in NYC on Tuesday morning , we made the hard decision to change our routine and not head back for the parade . Mother Nature must have felt bad for us , because she opened the heavens in Mineola , and the parade was canceled because of torrential rains , so we didn 't miss a parade . As I write this on Memorial Day , 2017 , I 'm sitting at the table in our Ocean City house , reading a weather forecast for heavy rain the Mineola , and wondering if the parade will happen , or if it will have to be replaced with a smaller indoor ceremony to commemorate the day . Either way , we won 't be there , ending yet another tradition in our life . But no matter where we are , and no matter what we are doing today , on Memorial Day Monday , my heart will always be walking the streets of Mineola , following a large group of young men , holding many American flags , being proceeded and followed by many other organizations , seeing friends and neighbors on the side of the road cheering on the marchers , and remembering the sacrifices that so many made so that we can have the lives we now enjoy . I 'll remember our long standing Memorial Day Weekend traditions , and always be thankful that it was because of the sacrifices of others , I am blessed with these wonderful memories , our wonderful family and friends , and the ability to live the life we now live . Our family was lucky that all those from our circle that served , returned home safe and sound , but for the thousands of families who were not as fortunate , today has even more meaning . Please remember them today , and their heroes who may have died at Pearl Harbor , or a trench in the First World War , or over the South Pacific or wherever they were standing up for what they believed . My Grandfather , my Mom 's Dad , William McKenzie Sim , was born in Aberdeen , Scotland on March 12th , 1892 . He married my Grandmother ( Jean McRobbie Robertson ) on November 14th , 1914 , when he was 22 years old . My Mom ( Lilias ) showed up 2 years later , her brother ( Bill ) 2 years after that , and their youngest child , ( Jack ) 2 years after that . As a young father , my Granddad worked in the ship building industry ( more about that later ) in and around Aberdeen , but when that work dried up , like so many others , he looked to America for better opportunities . He arrived in the United States via Canada in April of 1923 , and settled in Chicago , Illinois , and sent for his family . They arrived in August of 1923 , and started the life of American emigrants , even though they were better off than most , as they spoke English well , with a definite Scottish accent . When I was born in 1950 , my Grandpa was 58 years old , and because my Dad 's father had died in 1936 , he was the only Grandfather I knew . As they still lived in Chicago , and I grew up in New York , we didn 't get to see them but a time or two a year , but whenever we were together , we were hard to separate . My Grandpa was an inveterate storyteller , and I was a more than a willing listener . If we were at their house on the South Side of Chicago , he and I would spend hours at their kitchen table , him drinking coffee , smoking Camels , and filling my head with story after story . I don 't know if they were true , based on truth with some embellishment , or if they were total fabrication , and I didn 't care then , and don 't now . All I know is that this is what my Grandpa and I did , and I was a more than willing audience . In fact , if he didn 't start telling me a story , I 'd ask for one . I even remember making requests for him to tell me certain stories over and over . He died in 1975 , when I was 25 , and right up to the day he died , if we were together , he was telling me a story abut something ! He was a kind , warm , wonderful man , and he died peacefully in his sleep one night . I think that was a fitting way for him to go , and even though he was 83 at the time , it was too early in my opinion . I 'm sure he had more stories for me ! So , let 's get to some of his stories … at least some of the ones I remember . It was Susie 's idea for me to write this blog , and re - tell some of my Grandpa 's stories . I guess over the almost 40 years we 've been together , I 've told more than a few of my Grandpa 's stories to her , and when we were looking at some old family pictures the other day , she said I should write a blog about him and his stories , so here are some of the ones I remember . My Grandfather always had what we called , " hot hands " , meaning he could grab a pot off the stove or even something out of the oven without a pot holder . As I mentioned early on , when he was young in Scotland , he 'd worked in the ship building industry . His story explaining how he could handle hot things without any apparent effect on him , went back to his early days in ship yards , when he worked as a riveter 's apprentice . The way he told me the story , the rivets would be heated on the dock in a big fire , and the way they got to the riveter working on the ship was to be thrown from one apprentice to another , till they got to the needed location . He claimed that although it was hot and dangerous work , it didn 't take long to become immune to the heat , and that 's why he was able to grab anything hot … he was immune ! As with many immigrant groups , there was a desire to stick together with new and old friends from the " old country " . My Grandfather was very active in the Masons , and my Grandmother was very active in the Daughters of Scotia , the ladies version . As such , many of their friends were Scottish , and even when I was a kid , they had Scottish friends all across the country , that we 'd often visit when I was with them . This story has to do with a Scottish friend of theirs who happened to be an engineer at the Ford Motor Company in Dearborn , Michigan . The way my Grandpa told the story , one day this engineer friend of his was in the passenger seat of a new Ford automobile , as a test driver drove around the Ford test track . In the back seat was Henry Ford , and his good friend Harvey Firestone , of the Firestone Tire Company . At one point they hit a huge bump , causing all the occupants to get bounced around . According to the story , Henry Ford said , " My God … what was that ? " , to which my Grandpa 's friend retorted ( without skipping a beat or thinking ) , " What do you expect … . . Its only a Ford . " . The way my Grandpa told the story , his friend would have been collecting his last Ford paycheck that day , but for the fact that Harvey Firestone got hysterical , laughing so hard that eventually Henry Ford started laughing too . His friend did , however , keep a low provide around Mr . Ford for the near future , but eventually retired from the Ford Motor Company , so I guess the old man forgot about it . It wasn 't too long after they got to this country , that my Grandfather started as a milkman . I don 't know if this was the norm at that time , or an exception to the rule , but my Grandfather didn 't work for a dairy . He was an independent contractor , owning his route and clients , and when I was a kid , his milk truck ! Their house on the South Side of Chicago had a big three car garage on the alley behind the house , and in one of the stalls , was his late 40s Divco Milk Truck . In those days , a milkman got up in the middle of the night , loaded his milk at the dairy , made deliveries way before folks were up for breakfast , and was home , finished for the day before lunchtime . As a young kid , when I visited Chicago , having my Grandfather home early in the day , and a real milk truck in the garage , was huge ! Of course , he had not always delivered milk with a truck . When he started , he had a horse and a wagon , and there were some great stories from those days too . He had one horse that he claimed knew the route better than he did . Jock was his name , and my Grandfather said he was the smartest horse he 'd ever seen , and made his route so easy ! As he told the story , he 'd load his milk bottle carrier with orders for the next couple of houses , walk down the street or alley making his deliveries , and when he needed more milk , there was Jock waiting at the next house for my Grandpa . He even claimed that the horse knew who was and who wasn 't a customer , as he 'd walk right past the non - customer 's houses , right up to their next customer . That was in stark comparison to another one of the horses I heard about . This guy had been a Chicago Fire Department horse in the days before the CFD was using motorized rigs . The stories I was told about this horse had to do with how he still thought he was a fire horse , and if a fire engine happened to pass my Grandpa 's route with the siren blaring , this horse would take off , milk wagon and all , and follow the fire engine ! On several occasions , before my Grandpa got rid of him , my Grandmother would get woken up by calls at home about where somebody had found my Grandfather 's loaded milk wagon and his horse . Often times , it was the firemen who 'd try and bring the horse and wagon back to where they 'd seen him , so that my Grandpa could continue his route . I wouldn 't be surprised if that horse was his inspiration to go from horse to motorized truck ! Another story had to do with the " drunk " my Grandpa stumbled over , early one morning on his route . It was dark , and he was walking up the back alleyway of a house when he tripped over something , fell , and broke two milk bottles . He got back to his feet , saw a prostrate sleeping drunk lying on the path , kicked him as hard as he could in the ass , and muttered , " Goddamn drunk . " He went back to the wagon , got a couple of more bottles of milk , made his delivery , and thought nothing more of it . Later that morning , when he got back to the dairy to return bottles , the manager called him to his office . " Scotty , these two gentlemen are from the Chicago Police Department , and they 'd like to ask you a couple of questions " . They gave him an address and said that they 'd found broken milk bottles there , and they wondered what had happened . He told them that he 'd tripped over a dunk sleeping in the alleyway , and when he got up he 'd kicked the guy in the ass , gotten replacement bottles , and gone on his way . " Is the guy complaining about something ? " , he asked . The police then informed him that the guy wasn 't drunk , but was dead , having been shot a couple of blocks away , and stubbled to where my Grandpa found him . Well , it was Chicago in the 20s ! Another story he told me about was having a very nice customer who 's name was Capone . He never thought anything about it , till one day he went around collecting , and when Mrs . Capone opened the door , and invited my Grandfather into the kitchen , he found Al Capone sitting there . According to my Grandpa , Al peeled a couple of bills off a wad in his pocket , gave them to my Grandpa , and told him to " take good care of my Mom " . True or not , it was a great story to have your Grandfather tell you when you 're 10 ! The Sim Family at my Mom and Dad 's Wedding in 1947 . My Uncle Jack , my Grandfather , my Dad , and my Uncle Bill . My Cousin Billy , my Grandma , my Mom , and my Aunt Ann Early one winter morning , when my Grandpa went down to take the truck out of the garage , he discovered that the cold had frozen the newly fallen snow in the alley to solid ice . This ice was right up against the two big swing doors that opened from the garage into the alley . Try as he might , he could do nothing to free the doors from the ice , and the clock was ticking and he really needed to be on the road to the dairy to load up . Absent any other solution he could see , he got in the truck , dropped it into gear , and proceeded to drive right through the garage doors to freedom . I can imagine that at 2 AM or so , on a quiet winter 's night , that noise did not go unnoticed in the neighborhood , but he had deliveries to make . On the way home , he stopped off at the lumber yard , and picked up the supplies he needed to re - build the doors . This next story really has to do with me more than my Grandpa , but since his being a milkman was central to it , I think it fits here . In 1956 , I was in Mrs . Arnold 's second grade class , at Garden School in Jackson Heights , NY . We must have been talking about various occupations , when I raised my hand and told the class that my Grandfather was a milkman with his own milk truck . The discussion must have continued for some time , and I guess I neglected to mention that my Grandfather , his truck , and the dairy they delivered from were all in Chicago . I know that , because later that day , Mrs . Arnold called our house and spoke to my Mom . After the preliminaries , Mrs . Arnold told my Mom what we 'd been talking about in class , and wondered if we might be able to arrange a class field trip to visit my Grandfather 's dairy . My embarrassed Mom then had to explain to Mrs . Arnold , that her father lived and worked in Chicago , and that a field trip wouldn 't be possible ! Hey , I was 6 ! Unlike some people , my Grandpa was someone who really lucked out in the Social Security lottery . As a self - employed person , he had only recently become eligible to join Social Security , and after a very short time in the system , he retired before he was 65 . He collected for the next 20 years plus , and my Grandma , who lived to be 93 collected after that , so a very good investment ! This last story has to do with his retirement , and getting out of the milk business . As he was a self - employed milkman , there was no pension to fall back on , just the value of his route and customers . When he was ready to sleep through the night , like a normal human being , he put his route and his truck up for sale . A young man bought the route and the truck , and my Grandpa bid farewell to the milk business . Unlike my Grandpa , this young man was not fortunate enough to have a garage that the truck would fit in , so he arranged with the dairy to park the truck in the same lot they used for their own milk trucks . About 4 months after he started the route , there was a big fire one night at the dairy , that damaged or destroyed many of the trucks in the yard . Unfortunately , my Grandfather 's former truck was one of them . Imagine his surprise when a couple of days later , the wife of the young man who bought the route and the truck called and said to my Grandfather , " Mr . Sim , can you tell me who carries the insurance on your truck , as it was destroyed and we have to make a claim . " I guess these folks really didn 't have a head for business , and I 'm sure weren 't happy when my Grandpa told her that as soon as the transfer was complete , he 'd canceled his insurance . In the early 70s , my Mom had my Grandparents move to New York to be closer to us . They were getting older , and their neighborhood was going downhill , so it was time for them to make a move . My Grandparents put the great old house on the South Side up for sale , and when it was finalized , I flew out to Chicago , and drove my Grandparents and their possessions to New York in their 1964 Ford Galaxie 500 . It was 800 miles on the road , I drove and my Grandpa sat in the shotgun seat , and we talked for the 2 days we were on the road ( much , I 'm sure , to the consternation of my Grandmother , who was in the back seat ) . Once they were in NY , they had an apartment just around the corner from my folk 's house in Bayside , and we were all together a lot . The story telling continued whenever I was with him . I opened up the May Issue of Hemmings Classic Car the other day , and it had a story about all the auto exhibits at the 1964 / 65 , New York World 's Fair ! Immediately I was taken back to the exciting summer days in 1964 and 1965 , when for three young Queens boys , the fair was our playground ! I remembered writing a blog piece about the fair , and started going through my archives looking for it . Reading that piece brought back many great memories of those two summers . If you 're interested in my memories , here 's a slightly updated version of the piece that I wrote in 2010 . When the New York World 's Fair opened in April of 1964 , I was a 14 year old boy who lived in Queens just 5 subway stops away on the # 7 train . The brand new Fair Subway Special subway cars were our gateway to a place that we would know like the back of our hands by the closing day in October of 1965 . The " we " I refer to were my best friends Richard , David and myself , and over the next two fair seasons we spent over 100 days at the fair 's Flushing Meadow Park site . Richard and I took the # 7 train to the fair , but got on at different stops . In the days before cell phones , we 'd try to hook up on the subway , but if we missed each other , we 'd meet up at the fair stop . ( Take a look at the commercial from NYC Transit , advertising the Subway Special to the World 's Fair … you even get a peek at the brand new Shea Stadium as the # 7 train pulls into Willets Point , the World 's Fair stop ! https : / / youtu . be / wStZZ6hNweU ) The third member of our group , David , lived on the other side of the park and would come in the Rodman Street entrance , and then the three us would meet up at the Unisphere . The first act of this story happened years before any of us were born . I 'm speaking of the 1939 - 1940 New York World 's Fair at Flushing Meadow Park in Queens . The purpose of that fair was to help lift the city and the country out of the great depression , and it was the first fair to look to the future with it 's slogan , " Dawn of a New Day " . It took place on 1 , 216 acres of a former ash dump , that after the fair would be turned into a city park ( This was the same ash dump that F . Scott Fitzgerald 's characters passed through on the train ride from West Egg to Manhattan ) . As a kid growing up in Queens , I knew the park ( in fact I 'd even skated at the ice rink in one of the surviving buildings from the ' 39 fair , the New York City Pavilion ) , and had heard stories of the fair from my father . Turn the clock ahead to the late 50s and a group of businessmen , who had fond memories of the 1939 Fair , and wanted the same kinds of experiences for their children and grandchildren . The result was the 1964 / 65 New York World 's Fair . If you read the history of this fair today , you will discover that there were all kinds of problems associated with it right from the beginning . Money was , of course , a huge problem , as was sanctioning from the Bureau of International Expositions . But to a group of teens who lived literally down the street from the fair , all that we cared about was that for two summers we 'd be blocks away from a huge playground of the future ! Even better was the fact that Walt Disney had signed on to design exhibits in a number of pavilions , so this would indeed be our East Coast Disneyland . The fair , with the slogan Peace through Understanding , had lots of incredible cultural happenings during it 's two years , such as the ability to view Michelangelo 's Pieta at the Vatican Pavilion , but the favorites of the three of us were the pavilions of the Industrial area . We knew the song from the Pepsi Pavilion ( " It 's a Small World After all " … come on , sing along ) , enjoyed GE 's Carousel of Progress ( which we just visited again last month in Florida 's Disney World as Walt Disney 's Carousel of Progress ) , and had even seen Mr . Lincoln talking to us at the Illinois Pavilion ( well , when Mr . Lincoln worked ! ) . Thanks to Mr . Disney and others , the 1964 / 65 World 's Fair was a real showcase of new ideas , new products and new ways of doing things ! The perfect playground for three teenage boys ! Our days started early and didn 't end till we 'd watch the fountain - and - fireworks show every night at 9 p . m . at the Pool of Industry , just outside the Kimberly - Clark Pavilion . At the Bell System Pavilion , we got to see and use touch tone phones for the first time . At the IBM Pavilion , we loved the way the theater slid up into the huge egg , and we learned about the future of computing . We signed up for pen pals at the Parker Pen Pavilion , and looked at the contents of a new time capsule at the Westinghouse Pavilion - a match to the one Westinghouse had sunk in the ground at the same spot at the 1939 Fair . We enjoyed the chemical magic show at the Dupont Pavilion , got to use a microwave oven for the first time , and even got to taste Belgian Waffles and have chicken chow mein in bowls made of fried noodles ! But , as full - fledged car nuts already , many of our days were spent across the Grand Central Parkway from the main fair in the Transportation area . I remember the Chrysler Pavilion , and getting our first up close look at the Chrysler Turbine Car in its incredible copper color with decidedly Thunderbird design influences . I remember seeing the automotive near future at the General Motors Futurama Pavilion - although I am still waiting for the roadways they claimed we 'd have by the year 2000 that would have imbedded control strips in the pavement that would allow drivers to sit back and relax with their passengers while the road controlled the cars ! As a died in the wool Ford Fan , I especially remember the Ford Rotunda ! I remember walking up and seeing the Mustangs ( which were introduced to the world at that fair ) on the carousels outside the pavilion as we waited to get on the ride . As " World 's Fair Experts " , we were partial to pavilions that had continually moving rides as the line went faster than did those with theater style exhibits . This was how the folks at Disney had constructed the Magic Skyway , so Ford was one of our favorites , and it was one we went to almost every time we were at the fair ! The ride started you out in the past - as far back as the dinosaurs ( which look to me to now have a home in Ellen 's Universe of Energy pavilion in Disney World 's Epcot ) - giving you a look at the history of transportation , starting with the invention of the wheel , and then moving you through the present into the future . Of course , the best part of the ride was that , unlike the GM pavilion where you sat in a moving chair , at Ford , you took your ride through time in a Ford Motor Company convertible ! There were lots of family groups going to the fair , so they were often put in one of the big Ford convertibles such as the full size Ford , Mercury or Lincoln cars . As three teenage boys , more often then not , we got one of the smaller cars , like a Falcon or Comet convertible , or one of the Mustangs . I have to honestly say that from what I remember , the ride was good in a typical Disney way , but it was the ride in a new Ford convertible that kept us coming back ! Once you were finished with the ride , there were still lots of Ford cars to see , and even sit in , and of course , the Ford Rotunda state pin to take home as a souvenir ! One of our saddest days was our visit to the fair the day it closed for good , October 17 , 1965 . It , of course , included a visit to our favorite pavilion , the Ford Rotunda . For three young teenage boys from Queens , the two years since the April 1964 opening had been magical . We always had a destination , and a way to have fun and explore , and at a $ 2 entrance fee , for not a lot of money . I remember that last day that folks all over the park were taking souvenirs , and that many of the knobs were missing from the Ford cars on the Magic Skyway . Over 50 years later , the memories I have of those two summers spent with my two best friends are some of the best souvenirs I could have . It may also be why my candy apple red Mustang convertible is my pride and joy , and my own Magic Skyway vehicle ! In case you are wondering , yes , we did make it home safely from North Carolina and our great Family Weekend ! We left the Hampton Inn , Wake Forest about 10 AM on Monday , and backed into our driveway in Ocean City , NJ at about 5 : 30 that afternoon . Clear sailing with good weather , and only a few slight slow downs as we went around Washington , DC . In fact , after a brief 2 night stay in Ocean City , today we headed back to Long Island , where we will stay for about a week and continue dealing with sorting stuff to take or leave , and getting closer to making the move to NJ official ! Since leaving Long Island last Thursday morning , we have driven over 1 , 000 miles , and spending that much time in the car has given us time to think and talk about our travels . One thing that we were talking about is the stupid stuff that mars an otherwise pleasant trip . For me , that usually entails being stuck in traffic . This then , is a look at some of the reasons we have been stuck in bumper to bumper traffic , crawling along at 5 miles an hour , or even stopped dead ! I guess one of the ones that really ticks me off , is when there are road issues because of an accident . If you are like Susie , you are probably sick and tired of me complaining about the way people drive today , so if you fall into that category , you might want to skip the rest of this paragraph ! Here goes … . what the hell is the matter with people today ? ? ? Have they no clue that they are hurtling through traffic in a 2 ton implement of death , and that this is real life , not Grand Theft Auto ? ? ? Oh my God , the stupid , careless , selfish stuff we have seen people do in a car ! From driving at 90 miles an hour when everyone else is at 60 , to cutting in and out of lanes when there is no room , to driving off the road , into an entrance lane to pass someone on the right , we have seen this and so much more ! And what 's with everyones refusal to use their directional signals ? ? ? I mean , if you are going to drive like an asshole , at least give the rest of us a clue as to where you might be going ! ! This past Saturday , while heading down I - 95 just before Washington , the interstate almost stopped dead . We were a couple of miles from the I - 495 bypass around Washington , that we were planning on taking , when we came up to a flashing digital sign that said , " ACCIDENT . Two Left Lanes Closed on I - 495 Before Exit 28 " . Well this accident not only impacted on I - 495 , but every other road surrounding Washington , as people in the know looked for alternate routes . Thousands of people were delayed and inconvenienced because one or two yahoos had the misfortune of not finding someone who would avoid hitting them . Their luck ran out , and so did the rest of ours ! Back in October , when we were leaving Atlanta on I - 85 , we stopped dead , and sat without moving for 25 minutes , again because of an accident . That was the second time in 2 days we 'd had something like that happen ! No telling how much time we lose as a nation , just because folks drive like shit ! Oh , and then there 's construction . You know things like " roving pothole " repairs , which can turn a road like the Belt Parkway into a parking lot . Or one that we seem to have a lot of experience with lately , " guard rail replacement " . Yeah , I know , one of the crappy drivers probably had an accident , which took out the original guard rail , necessitating delay of thousands so it could be repaired ! Then there 's the " phantom " repairs … . . miles and miles of closed lanes , with nobody working ! That was the case Monday in North Carolina , when we drove about 40 miles on I - 85 with one lane closed for the entire stretch , and we only saw about a 1 / 2 mile of active construction ! Of course , the selfish even get into the act when there 's construction . You see a sign that says " right lane closed 2 miles " , so you get out of the right lane , but does everybody else ? Nope , some manage to stick in that lane till the barriers are at their front bumper , causing a slow down as they must now push their way in front of you . Sure , you may have done the right thing , and gotten out of the closed lane in a timely fashion , but let 's face it , they 're more important than you ! ! Then there 's the road that is in such bad shape , that there is no way traffic can maintain the posted speed limit , without inflicting damage on your vehicle . There was an area like this on the eastbound Long Island Expressway , just at the fairgrounds , for many years . About a mile of the LIE was a pot - holed , moon - cratered roadway , that predictably stopped traffic , night and day . Our tax dollars at work ! Oh , and how about the way we no longer seem to bother doing repairs on roadways at night , when there 'd be a lot less traffic ? Hey , it works for them ! But today , we saw one that I don 't think we 've ever seen before . Coming home from Ocean City , we came across the Verrazano Bridge , and exited onto the eastbound Belt Parkway . With all the major construction that 's been ongoing on the Belt for years , we expect that this will often be a major source of delays when we are going to or from Ocean City , but today was special . We seemed good at first , and the Belt was fine as we exited the bridge , but then the road slammed to a stop , and we crawled for probably 5 miles . Crawling along for close to 25 minutes , Susie found on a phone app , that it looked like it got a little better just after Knapp Street . We got to Knapp Street , but we were still crawling . We were wondering if the backup had to do with ongoing construction , when as we drove up one of the new bridges , we saw an NYPD car in the right lane , with it 's elevated warning lights blinking . We wondered if it was an accident , but as we got closer , we realized there were no cars in front of the police car , and the lane was open . WTF ? ? ? As we passed , Susie looked to the right and saw directly in front of the police car a huge swan with a bandage wrapped around it 's body ! Well , that was a new one for us ! Traffic delayed due to injured bird ! The day started at 11 AM , when we gathered at City Barbecue , a new Carolina barbecue place that has just opened . If the food we had today , and the crowds that were there were any indication , this place is going to be a big success ! Susie and I had delicious Pulled Pork sandwiches , and so much of the other food people had looked great ! Lots of typical sides , but the hush puppies and the various barbecue sauces they had were to die for ! This is apparently a small chain , and if today was any indication , it should be a much bigger chain ! ! I pointed out to Billy , that even though they 've just moved to North Carolina , he was exposed to North Carolina Barbecue in his formative years . Back probably in the summer of 1984 , when Billy was not quite 3 , we loaded up the car , and drove down to Kill Devil Hills , North Carolina , and visited Susie 's Great Aunt Evie and her Great Uncle Carl . Evie was Susie 's Grandmother 's sister , so she was Billy 's Great Great Aunt , and she ran the most delicious barbecue place called Midgett 's Barbecue ! From her pork sandwiches , to her baked beans , to her cole slaw , to her barbecued pork , it was all wonderful ! It was a great couple of days we spent down there as Evie and Carl were great people , and that was young Billy 's first exposure to real Carolina Barbecue , so in reality , it 's in his genes ! After an hour and a half at the barbecue place , Kathy , Billy and Lori , Henry and Layla , as well as Susie and I , Lori 's sister Kristen and her husband Billy , along with their 9 year old son Parker and 7 year old daughter Riley , journeyed to the bowling alley for some bumper bowling ! The kids were all excited , as I think the two Dads were too ! The 4 kids were set up on one lane , while the two Dads bowled right next door . That is , they bowled between holding little ones , and helping them get the ball down the alley ! The bumpers were up , and the track used by the little ones to launch the ball was ready , and bowling shoes in the smallest sizes were in place ! It was time for some serious Birthday Bowling ! The 4 kids ranged in age from Henry at about a year and a half , to Parker , 9 going on 10 . And what happens ? Well , Henry William D ' Elia , in his first game of bowling ever , comes out on top with a 103 , thanks to a lot of help from Dad and Uncle Billy ! The kid 's a natural ! Then we were scheduled for a little break , while Billy and Lori took the kids home to see if they could get them to nap for a bit ! We were scheduled to reconvene at their house a little after 4 for more birthday and pizza ! Gramma and Grampa were happy to go back to the Hampton Inn , and put our feet up for a few minutes , and when we got back to Billy and Lori 's at about 4 : 15 , it turned out the kids had no interest in napping , as it was Layla 's Birthday ! ! ! This time we were joined by Lori 's other sister Kerri and her husband Bill , along with their daughter Molly ( 6 ) and son Max ( 3 ) , along with the D ' Elia Family Dog , Beatrice ( almost 3 ) . Now , let 's see if you were paying attention . Lori is one of 3 girls in the Bruno Family . Her sisters ' names are Kristen and Kerri . What are the names of the 3 sisters husbands ? Ding … Ding … Ding ! Times up . If you said Bill , Billy , and Bill , you 'd be correct ! Yes , as improbable as it may seem , all three girls married men who 's first name is William , so now there are two Bills and one Billy ! We still call ours Bump , as we 've done since he was born ! It was a great family day , filled with fun and much love , but the Grandparents were tired too ( can 't even begin to imagine how tired the parents were ) , and time for us to say our good - byes , get our Grandkid hugs , and head back to the Hampton Inn ! We will get up in the morning , partake of the " free " breakfast , and get back on the road and head home to Ocean City ! It 's been a great weekend , seeing our kids new home , celebrating a birthday with our first Grandchild , and being amazed at how fast our littlest one has become more and more a little person ! A great weekend , and we 're sorry to go , but we will be back in two weeks for Easter , and more Family Fun in North Carolina ! |
The Forrester Spring Fashion show arrives : an announcement is made that the show will be starting soon . Maggie tells James that she is so excited . James asks Taylor if she is sure that she wants to go through with this . Taylor responds , " I am sure I * * don 't * * want to go through with this . But I need to see Ridge proposing to Brooke in front of all these people on that runway . If that doesn 't put an end to my insane fantasy nothing will . " Grant walks backstage and asks Eric to be put to work . Eric tells Grant that it means a lot to him that he has come to the showing . Grant goes to help the models with one of the groupings and Ridge is watching him with hostility . Jessica and Dylan are getting ready to leave the Forrester mansion for the showing . Dylan keeps assuring Jessica that she should tell him what has been going on . " I know the longer we wait to talk , the worse it gets for us . All right , after the show tonight we will talk . " Jessica declares . They leave for the showing - which is supposed to start in ten minutes . Brooke is backstage and she happens to bump into Grant . He acts happy and supportive for Brooke , and they hug . They don 't realize that their embrace is being watched by Stephanie and Ridge . Stephanie walks over to her son and pleads , " Ridge don 't do this . We don 't need the publicity - if that is what you are worried about . " Ridge tells his mother that he has made up his mind and he doesn 't want to hear anything about it . Ridge leaves and then Eric gives the models the " Lets go and get them " speech , during which he thanks his special friend Stephanie , his soul mate . Ridge and Harmony go over the plan again . Jessica and Dylan arrive and the showing is about to start . Taylor decides to watch the show standing by the door in case she wants to make a quick exit . She thought she could handle it , but then again maybe not . Stephanie starts the show with a welcome , promising " A RETURN TO ELEGANCE " ( the show 's theme ) . The first grouping goes down the runway . The dresses are all with pants or shorts that pRidge tells Brooke that he has always been defending her , " through hiding Caroline 's letter , marrying my father , taking over the company , finding out Taylor was still alive and not telling me . Do you remember a few weeks ago when we spent all afternoon and evening together in bed ? We talked forever and made plans about our future . It was the most perfect night in my life . How completely devoted I was you to . It makes me sick . " Brooke sobs , " no , " unable to believe she 's hearing these words from Ridge . Shortly after , at the mansion , Thorne and his mother are having a chat . He tells her that he is blown away by what happened . He didn 't even know that Taylor and Ridge were seeing each other . Stephanie tells him the reason shy , but Thorne still can 't believe it . " All because of a couple of kisses ? I am sorry , Mother , I can 't imagine . Brooke has always been in love with Ridge . " Thorne states . Ridge follows up on his declaration that he felt sick thinking about how he was Brooke 's champion ; " That is what I said , " he informs a disbelieving Brooke . Why , Brooke wants to know - why are things so different ? " You can 't guess ? No , Brooke , I am not different - you are . " But he corrects himself afterwards ; " No , you haven 't changed , have you ? you are the same woman you have always been . Only you are different than I thought you were . " Brooke pleads that they can work it out . " And if I don 't want to work it out ? Sometimes what you have thought was love Brooke , really wasn 't love at all . I never even knew you , not the real you . " Brooke still can 't comprehend what has happened . " You have no idea of why I would be this disappointed in you ? " Ridge asks . " That is really sad . You can 't even separate the truth from the lies anymore . " It must have been a mistake , Brooke thinks . " Oh my God , " Ridge exclaims , " you say that so easily , so convincingly . I can see why I was so fooled . Your damn right Brooke , it was a mistake , it was your mistake . You want to talk about humiliation ! I 'll tell you - it is falling in love with a woman and wanting to marry her . And then believing that she tells you she loves you ; and then finding out she is with your best friend . Don 't give me that innocent look Brooke . I know about your affair with Grant . You 're going to deny it now ? Jessica and Dylan return from the showing . They arrive at the mansion and are ready to have their little talk . Jessica begins , " I have been thinking . No Dylan you have to be told . This is really hard . I just don 't want to hurt you . I love you and that hasn 't changed . I just don ' At the apartment she shares with Dylan , Jasmine is making dinner for her and Sly . She remembers the conversation where Jessica told her about the birthmark on her attacker . " It is crazy . I am not even going to think about it . " Jazz says to herself . Sly arrives for dinner and they kiss . Sly tries to pump Jazz for information about what Jessica told her that night at the Bikini Bar . Jasmine goes to get dressed for dinner and when she comes back in , Sly has his shirt off and his mind is not on dinner . They kiss and Jasmine gets the chills when she spots the mark on Sly 's back in the mirror . Still in Ridge 's office , Brooke tries pleading her case ; " Yes , I will deny it . It was never an affair . It is true Ridge , ask Grant . " But Ridge doesn 't want to listen to any of this . " Ridge , this is crazy . I don 't have intimate feelings towards Grant - none . I never betrayed you . Who told you this Stephanie , Taylor ? " Ridge informs her that he saw for himself . " What did you see ? When ? Ridge just tell me . " Once she realizes what has happened , she tries to explain her actions . " It was nothing . You see Grant has these feelings for me . It doesn 't matter , he was just saying goodbye . Ridge , you don 't understand . No . . . . It wasn 't like that at all - we were never intimate . I never betrayed you . I was confused . Ridge don 't do this . I am sorry , okay . Ridge don 't leave me . " Ridge leaves after he sticks it to her that his fiancee is waiting for him . Brooke collapses by the door hysterically crying . At Sheila 's house , Sheila and James are discussing Ridge 's proposal to Taylor and what it is doing to Brooke . Sheila says , " I care about Brooke . She is the best friend I have ever had . " James reminds her that , in the past when she felt that way about Brooke , Sheila felt the need to intervene . " That is exactly what I would have done in the past - get involved , " Sheila explains . " I am not like that anymore . There is such pain and rejection and then you lash out in order to survive . I have spent my whole life that way hurting others . " She then quotes a passage from the Bible that she thinks is fitting , and adds " The Lord lives in each and everyone of us . I want to make amends for all of the pain I have caused others . " Following her conversation with Ridge , Brooke shows up at Lauren 's doorstep because she didn 't know where else to turn . Lauren asks Brooke if she has talked to Ridge . Brooke replies , " He walked out on me , Lauren . He said he didn 't give a damn about me . " Jessica is all by herself , in her room , writing in her diary . She thinks she took a really big step by telling Dylan about the rape and her next big step is to find her rapist . Having spotted the horseshoe birthmark on Sly 's back in the mirror , Jasmine says to herself , " Oh my God ! Oh my God , he did it . He really did it . Sly raped Jessica . " Sly is only interested in getting undressed , but Jazz tells him that she doesn 't feel well . He notices that she 's staring at his birthmark , and pulls her closer so she can get a real good look at it , but she continues to tell him to stop it and that she doesn 't feel well . She wants him to leave because she feels like she has to throw up . Sly leaves and then hears Jasmine crying in shock outside the apartment door . Brooke tells Lauren about what happened and that it is crazy that someone would think she would cheat on Ridge - it is insane . They were meant to be together . Lauren tells Brooke she may have the answer in Grant Chambers . Grant has to go to Ridge and tell him it was a total misunderstanding - and Brooke hasWeek of 10 / 14 / 96 - 10 / 18 / 96 At Lauren 's house , James asks Lauren to give Sheila a few minutes of her time . Sheila says , " I want to set everything straight with you ; not just you - but everyone I have hurt . That is my goal - my commitment . " Lauren lets them both inside so she can have her say also . Dylan finds Taylor by the Forrester pool recollecting the past events of the exciting day . He tells her that knows about the rape . " Taylor , I am dying inside for what Jessica has gone through . I feel rage and anger and just wanting to kill whoever did this to her , " says Dylan . Taylor helps Dylan with his feelings . She reminds him that the rapist could be someone who Jessica knows , but assures him that eventually , the rapist will get caught . Dylan is still unsure , thinking that Jessica is never going to be the same . They start to talk about the night it happened . Dylan realizes that the night of the rape was also the same day that Jessica told Sly she was not pregnant . Taylor tells him that a changed man such as Sly was supposed to be would not become bitter . But has he really changed - perhaps he 's a Jekyll / Hyde personality , Taylor suggests . They decide to call Jessica in her room to talk about it but she is not there . Jessica and Jasmine are racing through the streets of L . A . to get to the police station to have Sly arrested . They are talking about how they are going to get him and that they have to get him off the street . Just then Jasmine feels a hand on her shoulder and then on her neck . Sly was in the back seat of the car all along ! ! ! ! Sly says , " Easy girls , I wouldn 't want to have hurt my pretty little friend here . " Jessica wants to know what Sly wants . He replies , " I think the question is what do you want to give me , love ? Any more of that sweet stuff we shared in the alley the other night ? I don 't think so unless you want your friend to die ! Ever see a person strangled , Jessica ? It is not a pretty sight . We are going to a little party ladies and you are the guests of honor . So drive , my little baby , and don 't try anything . " Meanwhile , back At the hospital , Clarke is being operated on while CJ is being questioned by the police . CJ defends his dad and pleads his case to his mother , Macy , and Darla . The doctor tells everyone that Clarke is fighting for his life and it is a 50 - 50 chance he will make it through the night . The doctor then agrees to let them see Clarke . Sally goes to take CJ in , but says she would understand if Macy and Darla want to wait . No , Macy says , they want to see Clarke . At the Forrester Mansion , Dylan and Taylor question Maggie about Jessica 's whereabouts . They tell her it might have been Sly and how they came to that conclusion . Dylan calls the police and finds out that Jessica already called their earlier in the evening , but she never actually got there . Back at the Bikini , Jasmine tries to talk Sly out of everything and to let them go . " Actually I want you both dead . I get free of all the humiliation and the laughter of all my friends . You know I dream about that every night . I wake up to the sound of laughter . Oh yeah , you made a total idiot out of me . " states Sly . Jessica tells Sly that if he lets them go and gets help he can start his entire life over and he would have learned a great lesson . " So all I have to do is untie you and go see a shrink ? You two must really think I am some kind of yo - yo . Untie you and just let you walk out of here ? Maybe I should just point a gun to my head . . . maybe I should take a knife and point it to my chest . " says Sly . At the hospital , The doctor lets Sally , C . J . , Macy and Darla in to see Clarke in ICU . CJ says , " Daddy , if you cant talk to me , do something . . . anything . . . smile . . . yeah dad yeah , it is me . " As tears well up in CJ 's eyes , Clarke moves his hand to touch CJ 's . Sly continues his power trip at the Bikini Bar ; he 's impressed with Jessica 's attempt , but he 's not letting her go . " No , No . nice try though , really . I would trust the devil before I would trust you two . Speaking of the devil have you ever met the guy ? Well , you are about to . " He really starts rubbing it in , especially with Jessica . " Oh , how I love to hear you beg . what about you Jess , want to do a little begging ? Of course not , because you are a Forrester . Know what it is like to hurt Jess ? Me , I know what it like to fight and kick and scratch for anything that I have ever had . Pretty disgusting isn 't it ? I think you would call it trailer park white trash . I showed you didn 't I ? I taught you a little lesson about power . I did that . " He then explains how it 's all going to be oC . J . is by his father 's bedside and says , " Yeah dad , it is me . " Clarke wants to talk to his son , but C . J . insists , " You saved my life , dad ; and let me do the talking . Listen dad , we are gonna have you outta here in no time , okay ? " Clarke really wants to explain , but C . J . doesn 't let him . " No , dad just tell me when we get home . " Home , Clarke wonders ? " Right , our home . You wanted to move in with us remember ? Just as soon as these doctors fix you all up , okay ? We have a lot of stuff to do . We have been to a lot of baseball games , but we haven 't been to any Laker games - they have a really good team this season . " Clarke again tries to get a word in , but C . J . keeps going . " No , you listen . You know that play I have been practicing for ? It opens next week . You have to be there . I want you in the audience . I really need you . I owe you . Please get better . Okay ? " Dylan is racing along the Santa Monica freeway to get to the Bikini Bar to find his girlfriend . Meanwhile , inside the Bikini , Jasmine and Jessica are trying to break loose . Sly responds , " I tied you with a cloth strip . It is foolproof . It is going to look like an accident and you two are just going to get caught in the blaze . " Sly continues to pour gasoline on everything including his victims while they are screaming and crying . Sly is enjoying his power trip and says , " Okay are we having fun yet ? Well it is either me or you princess , and it aint gonna be me . " Jessica insists Dylan will find them , but Sly cockily replies , " Get with the program , this is how I get away scott free . I am clean sugar . Well good luck in finding me Dylan ! I am history once this place goes up . " He then adds a little comment to rub things in ; " Look at it this way - in a few years we will all be dead . Hopefully mine won 't be as painful as yours . Well gotta run . Any last requests ? " Sly lights a match and holds it over them , as Jessie and Jasmine continue to struggle . " You guys quit struggling , you are gonna make it worse . You know I have a better idea , lets start the fire over here , so you cOnly a day has passed since the Forrester Spring Showing , and over at Forrester , Stephanie is bringing Eric up to date on what has happened to Jessica , Dylan , and Jasmine . She says they owe a huge debt to Dylan for saving the girls ' lives . Then Stephanie and Eric discuss their son 's huge media event at the showing . Eric says , " I am not sure there should be a wedding so soon . Until a few days ago he was very much in love with Brooke . " Stephanie thinks he 's being negative . " I am not being negative , " Eric explains , " It was a drastic move . I think it was made in a heat of passion . Ridge may be rushing into something he isn 't ready for . " Taylor is in Ridge 's office , explaining to him what happened to his cousin Jessie , including how she helped Jessica deal with rape . The subject changes , as Ridge tells Taylor he talked to Brooke - and it wasn 't pretty . He continues to tell her that he will get over it and he can 't believe how blind he was to all of it . He should have known because Brooke was practically flaunting it . The two of them were making out at his house right under his nose and at Big Bear . " Now Brooke is shocked because I know and I am furious . What the hell does she expect ? He laments , " If I hadn 't gone out to Big Bear and seen it for myself . . . . , " and then , commenting on how Grant was supposed to be his friend , he adds , " I 'd hate to see how Grant treats his enemies . " Ridge feels like he 's dumping his problems on Taylor and apologizes . He says , " The last person I want to take this out on is you . Thank you . " Ridge kisses Taylor and then she leaves . In her office , Brooke is replaying the talk with Ridge in her mind . She is crying when Grant comes in to know if she is okay . Brooke replies , " You were right . " Grant guesses that means Ridge heard about them . " Worse . . . . he saw us . He came out to Big Bear to talk about the men 's line . He knows about the pool kiss too . " She laments , " Grant what does it matter ? He thinks we are having a full blown affair . I can 't believe I am going to lose him over this . " She explains to Grant how bad things are , and he tries to make her think things will work out . " How ? " she asks . " He thinks I am a horrible person . I can 't even explain anything to him . He is more than angry - he hates me . I have never seen him like this , so cruel . He feels that the time we have spent together was a total waste . " Grant suggests that Ridge has gone over from all this . " Gone over the edge ? He is going to marry Taylor ! " Brooke tells him . " What am I going to do , Grant ? what am I going to tell my children ? " Fortunately , she explains , the kids don 't know what 's going on , since Katie has kept them away from TV and the newspapers . " I promised them that we would be a family ; how can I tell them that isn 't going to happen now ? " Brooke asks . Grant suggests that maybe he should talk to Ridge , instead . Brooke doesn 't think that would work - but there is someone she can talk to , she realizes . Brooke soon arrives in Stephanie 's office , and tells Stephanie that nothing happened between Grant and her . " My children are suffering , my life is ruined , and Ridge is marrying a woman he doesn 't even love . I need your help , " Brooke pleads . Stephanie is amused by this - Brooke needs HER help ? " Yes , " Brooke replies . " Oh , please don 't joke , this is terrible . " Steph doesn 't think there 's anything she can do , but Brooke disagrees . " He would listen to you . For his own sake , talk to him . He will get over this Stephanie . we are meant to be together . " Brooke pleads with Steph to help her . " I need your help to speed it along . Stephanie , I came to you when you were very sick and I put aside our differences . The point is Ridge 's trust is very important to me and I would do anything for the person who helps us get it back , " pleads Brooke . The wheels are turning in Stephanie head as she replies , " ANYTHING ? " Grant shows up in Ridge 's office for a heart to heart chat with his buddy . He tells Ridge he is making a huge mistake . He was in love with Brooke and it was just on his side . Brooke could never love anyone else but Ridge - so Ridge has got it all wrong , he states . " If you don 't wise up pal you are going to loose the best thing you ever had . " says Grant . Then Ridge hits Grant as he falls onto the couch . . . . . Visiting her friend , James , Taylor is waiting for him , and she starts to daydream about the night before out by the Forresters ' pool . Ridge and her were talking about the missing time in their past together and how they have found each other again . Ridge told her that he wants to pick up exactly where they left off . Taylor is jolted back into reality when James walks in his office . He wants to know what is going on and questions his friend 's engagement to her ex - husband . James also wants to know why Taylor didn 't ask Ridge how he really feels . James tells Taylor that he can understand why she isn 't questioning the proposal . He asks her if she really believes in her fiance 's feelings and how Ridge is really upset and vulnerable now . James believes that they got engaged for all the wrong reasons . Brooke is still begging for help from Stephanie . Stephanie replies , " You would give anything to get him back ? By that I presume you mean the 51 % controlling stock in Forrester . " The stock is worth millions , Steph points out - is Brooke willing give it all up ? " He means that much to you ? " Steph asks . " Well , I must say I am impressed . You want me to go to Ridge and plead your case ? And how would you suggest I do that ? " Brooke insists that Stephanie can do it if anyone can . " I see . . . . " Steph says , " and convince him that he is just hurting himself and Taylor ? I don 't know that would do any good . You know he is really angry at you . " Brooke insists that Ridge hasn 't been listening to her . " And if he did , he would forgive you ; Would you be 51 % grateful ? " Steph wonders . " Lets make a deal . . . . my son for your shares in Forrester . " With Grant still on the couch , Ridge says , " Get up . come on get up . " Grant refuses to be Ridge 's punching bag any longer . " Oh that is real noble . what a hero ! " Ridge sarcastically notes . " Get the hell out of here ! I am not interested in your excuses , " Ridge orders . " The biggest mistake of my life , Grant , was trusting you . " Grant tries to plead Brooke 's case to Ridge , but Ridge is still skeptical . " She was just an innocent bystander is that it ? I am not listening to anymore of this crap Grant . She put you up to this , didn 't she ? What do you get if I take her back . . . . a kiss , maybe more ? " Grant tries to convince Ridge not to make a mistake . " Don 't tell me what to do , " Ridge insists . " She is right , you are wasting your time , " he informs Grant . Grant continues to try to get Ridge to listen , asking him what he was planning . " Are you finished ? " Ridge asks . Grant points out that it is finished - that 's the point . " Why , because you realized Brooke wasn 't in love with you ? " Ridge asks . " But you were a hard sell , huh ? No , Grant you were a lot of things but you were not an idiot . You must of had some reason to think she cared , what was it ? What did she do ? The way she looked at you ? Touched you ? Tell you she had feelings for you ? " Grant insists that it wasn 't that way . " Just shut up Grant . This was no harmless flirtation . Get the hell out of this building . You don 't work here anymore ! You used your position to stab me in the back . You make me sick . You pack your things and get the hell out of here ! " Grant leaves angrily . Brooke has a visitor to her office - Taylor ! Taylor says , " Hello Brooke , I think it is time we talked . " She sees the gown on display in the room - Taylor adds , " It really is a beautiful dress . " Taylor then asks Brooke how she is doing - it must be difficult , she guesses . " Well I guess it is time then for us to get everything out in the open - whatever Ridge 's reason was for turning his back on you . " Brooke tries to get Taylor to realize that it wasn 't what Ridge thought it was . " One kiss , " Taylor muses ; she then asks , " Were you ? But the two of you had become very close . . . " referring to Brooke 's claim that the kiss that Ridge saw as just a goodbye to Grant . " Well , maybe that is the way you see it . But what about Grant ? So the kisses didn 't actually mean anything ? And you just happened to be alone together in a cabin up at Big Bear ? You just wanted to comfort him ? So then maybe this kiss was more like a handshake . And then Ridge appeared at the window , " Taylor skeptically suggests . Maggie is having lunch with James , as she tells him she 's ready to reveal her secret , which was Jessica 's rape . James replies that he is sorry and he is glad that Taylor was able to help . Maggie continues to confess in James that it was her daughter who made her promise not to tell anyone . James is totally understanding and tells Maggie that they have a lot of lost time to make up and then they start to kiss . At her home , Sheila is busy writing in her journal and Mike is busy downing a pizza . She is writing the journal as a testament of her recovery , hoping that James could use it . Mike tells Sheila that she is in love with the good doctor , but it is not going to happen for them . He explains , " You and Doctor Feelgood are not in the cards . I am serious and I am worried about you . The whole thing could blow up right in your face . What you see in him is beyond me . Okay , so he is smart - does that make him better than the rest of us ? " Sheila continues to believe that James can help her ; " If only you can get him in your bed , " Mike skeptically points out . He then asks , " What if he fixes you and makes you sane ? Everybody has scars Sheila . He won 't even be seen in public with you , what makes you think he will fall in love with you ? " Mike leaves and Sheila returns to writing in her journal . Then there is a knock at the door , and it is James . He has come to tell Sheila that she has to go out more in the real world and they are starting by him buying her a cup of coffee . Taylor and Brooke continue to go at it about Ridge . Taylor states , " A good bye kiss , how convenient ! True or not , it doesn 't make any difference . " But that 's all it was , Brooke has insisted . " No , Brooke , " Taylor explains , " it is a lot more than that . Look at Ridge , look at everything you have put him through the past few years . It is classic - you have toyed with him , you have flirted , you have teased and now it has caught up with you . It has backfired . Well , I know that Ridge doesn 't trust you anymore . " Brooke says it was a mistake , and Taylor comes back witAt the Beach House , Michael can 't believe that Ridge hit Grant , all on account of his friendship with Brooke . She offers to speak with Ridge on Grant 's behalf - he 's just blowing off steam , she thinks . No , Grant tells Michael ; Ridge is out of control - he is angry and he is taking it out on himself . However , Grant still wants his job back and has to come up with a plan . He leaves to go and see someone he believes can help him . Brooke explains that she wants to ask for Ridge 's forgiveness and she gets very emotional . Ridge responds , " I don 't know what to say to you , Brooke . Understand , yes - I do understand . You got involved with Grant because I went away and you needed emotional support . " Brooke pleads with him that isn 't true , but Ridge doesn 't think it matters . He continues , " Look , I don 't really want to argue about that guy . Besides this isn 't about Grant , it is about me - my life , my future . How long I want to go on treading water and going nowhere . You can only do that for so long Brooke . Wouldn 't you say ten years is long enough ? " Brooke doesn 't look like she feels the same as Ridge , but he continues anyway . " How long have I known you Brooke ? How many years have we had this relationship ? We have grown apart . " Brooke insists it isn 't the problem Ridge thinks it is . He replies , " It is enough of a problem to send you running into another guys ' arms . " Brooke responds that she is upset because he is throwing it all away , they worked so hard to be together . She adds that they should call the press and undo the damage about the proposal to Taylor . Ridge continues , " What damage ? Brooke you are making an assumption and it isn 't warranted . Look , I am sorry . " He still intends to marry Taylor , but Brooke wants to give it some time . " No , " Ridge says , " we won 't discuss this tomorrow . I am not asking you to take any blame or to punish you . I wish you would take me seriously . Brooke ; I am not saying there aren 't a lot of feelings between us - that is never going to change . " She continues to plead with him . " Logan you are right , I am tired . Tired of jumping through hoops or over hurdles - of one more challenge . My work is challenge enough for me . " Brooke says she doesn 't need challenges , either . " Then why are you hanging on like this ? I am sorry Brooke . I have to get back to work . " Brooke vows , " I am going to make you see . I am not going to loose you . " She leaves . Sally comes , without a disguise for once , to see Stephanie at Forrester . She has come to say that the showing was great for Forrester . She also stands up for Clarke and says that he did do the right thing in the end . Sally believes that he might be a good father and a good designer , but she knows the score where Clarke stands as a husband . Stephanie advises Sally not to get ahead of herself on this . CJ wakes up from a nap and freaks out because his dad isn 't in his bed in the hospital room . It turns out that Clarke was awake and he went out for tests . CJ is all excited that his dad is getting better . Sally and Darla come in and they can 't believe how great Clarke looks . Sally tells Clarke that she is delighted he recovered so quickly and how wonderful it was that he rescued their son . CJ wants his dad to come home to rest and puts Sally on the spot for an answer . At Forrester , Grant has tracked down Eric and pleads his case to be a part of the Forrester men 's showing , " I don 't deserve to be fired . I have done too much for this company . Ridge is upset and that is totally understandable , but that is personal . you are having a showing . Let me be part of it , let me have my place at the end of the runway . " Eric dIn his office , an upset James reveals to Taylor that Sheila was arrested today for violating her parole . Neither one of them can believe it - it 's totally absurd , James insists . Taylor is stunned as well , and asks if there 's anything that can be done about it . James says there is going to be a hearing - and he intends to be there . This could set Sheila 's progress with him back tremendously , James laments . " She has violated her parole , " Taylor reminds James . " Technically , yes , " James agrees - since she has gone near Lauren and the Forresters , which she wasn 't supposed to do . Taylor asks if Maggie could have been the one , but James doesn 't think so - he thought he had gotten Maggie to accept his work with Sheila . Who could it be that would do this , James asks . They guess about Lauren , and Taylor says James needs to tell Lauren about his progress with Sheila - maybe she 'll call off the hearing . James agrees , and decides he better get over to the hearing - as he leaves , he asks Taylor to call Maggie for him and tell her something has come up . Maggie arrives to the Hearing for Shiela , to find Lauren there - she came as soon as she got Lauren 's message and wants to know what 's going on . Lauren tells her she reported Sheila for violating parole , hoping that will bring out Sheila 's poisoning Stephanie , as well . Lauren also tells Maggie about Sheila coming to her home and asking for forgiveness ; " She 's so presumptuous , and self - righteous , and now she 's found she 's found religion , using that to justify every evil and disgusting thing she has ever done , " Lauren says . Maggie asks if Lauren has spoken to James , and Lauren says no . That 's why she summoned Maggie - she knows this may be a strain on her relationship with James , but Lauren needs Maggie 's help in getting Sheila tossed back into the prison hospital where she belongs - she can 't do it alone . At the hospital , C . J . begs Sally to allow Clarke to move in with them so that he can recuperate - after all , Sally promised that Clarke could move in with them , and his dad needAt Forrester , Eric tells Brooke and Ridge that they have to talk and work together . He then gets to the subject of Grant , and Brooke is surprised to hear that Ridge fired Grant . Ridge states , " I am telling you I am not going to work with that scum . It is either him or me . So , what are you going to do Brooke ? " Eric says he is willing to let Grant go because his son can not work with him anymore , however he wants Grant to be allowed to take a place at the runway during the men 's showing . " Fine , Grant can be there - I 'll stay home . " states Ridge . Eric plays monarch and tells his son for press reasons he will be at the show and he will say positive things about the men 's ' line . After the showing , Forrester and Grant will go their own way . Eric leaves after he gets a phone call . Brooke asks Ridge if he had thought about what she had said earlier , about them . " I 've had other things on my mind . Brooke there is no us , " states Ridge as he leaves . Ridge returns to his office , where he thinks back on a conversation with his mother after he found out about Brooke . His mom told him not to waste one more minute of his life on Brooke because she doesn 't deserve him . Just then Taylor comes in and they kiss . Ridge tells Taylor about the entire Grant situation and that he fired him . Ridge and Taylor make a date to meet at the private dining room after the men 's ' line showing . Brooke has gone to her own office , where she talks with her sister , Katie . " There is nothing I can do , " she explains . " Ridge won 't even work with Grant . He has blown everything way out of proportion . He won 't talk to me and he still acts like he doesn 't care . " But he does care , Katie guesses . Brooke agrees with her sister , saying , " Exactly . . . . the fact that he is so angry proves to me that he still loves me . But I can not get him to see it . There has to be some way to get to him , there must be . ! " " Lauren has called a press conference at the Hearing , to make the public aware about Sheila 's parole violation . Maggie tells the press , " Sheila Carter is a spider anWeek of 10 / 28 / 96 - 11 / 1 / 96 The day of the Forrester Men 's Line showing arrives . In Brooke 's office , Bridget tells her mom that she wants to stay and watch the showing instead of going to school . Rick just wants the whole thing to be over cause his mom has been so stressed out lately . Brooke assures them everything will be okay and the kids leave to go and see their dad in his office . Katie asks her big sister what her plan is to make Ridge realize he is still in love with her . Brooke responds , " It has to work . If this doesn 't , I don 't know what else will . " Out at the Beach House , Grant is upset that it is he first big showing and his last at Forrester . Michael tells Grant that after this showing , all he is leaving behind him is Brooke . He could even open up Chamber Fashions if he wanted . Grant says , " I was fired . Under no uncertain terms . " But what about Brooke - could she rehire him ? " Oh , and go against Ridge 's decision ? I don 't think Brooke will rehire me . She has made it very clear to me ; she will have nothing to do with me . Hell - she will probably go to her grave wanting Ridge . I don 't care , that is not my concern anymore . I have one more day at Forrester and then I am saying adios to all of those losers . " He wonders about Michael 's suggestion ; : Chambers Fashions ? Oh , Well , will you slow down . It is the men 's line . Now we both know there is less prestige there . " Michael doesn 't think it matters - there 's plenty of prestige from Grant for her . " Now I know why Eric hired you ; cause you are great at a sales pitch , " he says . Grant and Michael share a passionate kiss before they leave for the office . Meanwhile , Stephanie is reading aloud an article from a tabloid to Maggie with the title " Spider Woman on the Loose . " Maggie tells her it was Lauren 's idea to call the press , to sort of put Sheila in a prison without walls . Stephanie says thanks for taking care of the situation and leaves for the showroom . Maggie stays behind to wait for Dylan and Jessie . Jessica comes in and tells her mom that she isn 't going to attend the showing . She is goinIn Steph 's office , Maggie is crying because her daughter is leaving . She tells Jessica she understands - but that doesn 't mean she won 't miss her baby . Dylan comes in and Maggie leaves for the showroom . Jessica tells Dylan she made a decision and is leaving and won 't be back . She informs him that she is going to take the scholarship in England and then she isn 't sure what she is going to do from there after one semester . Dylan responds that he understands , it makes all the sense for her to get away , but it doesn 't make it any easier to say goodbye . Jessica says , " You have brought so much to my life and I need to find my way right now . I 'll write all the time . I am always going to be with you , Dylan , in your heart . " They kiss and have tears in their eyes . Things are hectic backstage , with five minutes to showtime . Thorne comes out to welcome the crowd to the first exclusive men 's showing from the House of Forrester . The first grouping were all two button suits with satin shirts . Brooke slips into the showroom and grabs a seat next to Katie . Satin loungewear is the next grouping . Ridge whispers something to Taylor and then leaves her side . Brooke approaches Ridge in the back corner of the showroom . She thought he was going to leave the showing because he has been impulsive lately . " Ridge can 't we just straighten this out ? Talk to Taylor and just tell her you got caught up in a misconception , " Brooke asks . But Ridge isn 't going to do any such thing . " Ridge , please I am begging you . Lets just drop this okay . Lets just put this behind us and stop playing all of these games ; and just move on with out lives . Ridge ? " pleads Brooke one last time . Ridge doesn 't even answer and just walks away from her . Brooke says to herself , " Fine if that is the way you want it . We are going to do this the hard way . " The next grouping hits the runway and they are three very modern suits . Then , Grant comes down the runway to take his designer bow - he and the models exchange high fives as they bask in the applause of the crowd . Brooke whisRidge responds , " In love ? ? ? Give me a break ! I don 't believe you are buying into this . This is so stupid , it was completely impulsive . My proposal was different , those two barely even know each other . I just don 't want to see Brooke mess up her life , but she seems hell bent on doing that . " Taylor points out it 's Brooke 's decision . " It is not a decision , it is a reaction . " They then try and figure out why Brooke did it - she must have had some reason . " I don 't know , " Ridge says , " why do you think she did it ? I mean , I just don 't get it , if she is not in love with him and she is not on the rebound , why would she propose to the guy ? Why would she do it at a press conference for God 's sake ? I mean it is almost as if she is trying to . . . . " Then the light bulb goes on . " That 's it ! . . . of course . . . . . This isn 't about Grant , this has nothing to do with Grant , it is about me . Yes , Yes , that has to be it . Doc , she is giving me a taste of my own medicine . Of all the stupid immature things to do . " Taylor suggests that maybe Brooke is ready to move on with her life . " No way , " Ridge states , " she would move on , not this way . The guy is a jerk . I am telling you she did this just to make me jealous . I know her . I can 't believe you don 't see this Doc - it is amazing ! " And Ridge doesn 't intend to let this go on , either . " You want to see her mess up her life ? That is exactly what she is doing . It is going to stop here because this is insanity . All I have to do is call her bluff and this whole thing is a dud . " Ridge races out of his office to see Brooke and leaves Taylor in the dust . Michael comes searching for Grant in his office , but finds Stephanie already there waiting . Michael tells Stephanie that she didn 't know anything about what just happened ; up until twenty minutes ago she thought she had a boyfriend . She is totally shocked and mortified and wants to know what is going on here . Michael says she is hurt and angry , and confused . It makes her sick to think that all this time Grant has been living with her and pondering marriage Brooke tells Grant that they are using each other and he will be big in this plan of hers . And Grant has every intention of doing his part . " You see , Brooke darling , I have this way of digging underneath your skin . The way I see it , you won 't even know the name Ridge Forrester in six months from now . You can count me in . " says Grant . The only thing Grant is upset about now is how Michael is going to feel . Ridge comes in and Grant plays along by giving his new fiancee a kiss goodbye . Ridge states , " I am on to you , Logan . Nice try , but it didn 't work . That guy is a loser . Admit it , it is a game of chicken . Ridge says , despite her childish games , he intends to keep her from making a fool of herself , and admits that she accomplished her goal of getting under his skin . Does he still intend to marry Taylor , then , Brooke asks ? " Yes , I do intend to marry Taylor . Logan don 't do this to yourself . " Brooke tells Ridge that if he stays engaged to Taylor then the proposal is real . The clock is ticking and he has to decide what he is going to do . Clarke decides he would have gone crazy at home and he comes in to work at his office , escorted by the whole gang at Spectra . He questions Sally on the spot if he is still the head designer . Darla , Macy , and C . J . give Sally and her ex - husband some room to chat . Sally starts ranting that Clarke is using their son to get status at Spectra and it makes her blood boil . Clarke tells Sally that she is overreacting and he is not manipulating her . On their personal living arrangements , Sally informs Clarke that he should ease up a little bit with the skirt chasing of women while they have their current living situation . Clarke says that isn 't a problem to Sally , but then realizes that it might . After Darla stops by and tells Clarke that things were dreary and boring while he was in the hospital , Clarke has a fantasy about them together . Eric hangs up the phone after talking with his brother ; he tells Maggie he wished he was able to say goodbye to his niece , Jessica , in person . Eric then changes the subject to Maggie herself , and advises his ex - sister in - law not to let the current situation drive her crazy ; James is just Sheila 's doctor , and nothing more . Maggie wants to stop Sheila and end the nightmare she has been living day to day . Maggie rants about Sheila being a master manipulator and she is too clever and quick to seize every opportunity . " Sheila is going to come out the winner unless we fight her . " Maggie has to do something before it is too late and she leaves . James has made an agreement with Sheila to go out in public even if it is for ten minutes . They are together in a restaurant , but Sheila only wants to go home , because the entire world knows about her . A woman across the room is eating with her son and she is reading the tabloid and notices the article about Sheila in it . Sheila starts to feel better and then the woman approaches their table , " How could you defend this woman ? How could you let this foul , disgusting garbage into your restaurant ? Sure you can try to run , but you can 't hide ! You are trash ! " Stephanie stops by to see Brooke , and Katie goes upstairs to help Bridget with her homework . Stephanie acts like the cat who just ate a canary and says , " I am sure you thought this was the ultimate power play . It is going to blow up in your face you know . My son is many things , but he is not stupid . You really are a fool and finally Ridge is beginning to see that in you . " Stephanie offers to give Brooke a wedding gift of flying her out to Las Vegas tonight and putting together a wedding in one of the chapels out there . Brooke declines saying that she wants a real wedding , not a cheesy affair . In the Forrester kitchen , Maggie tries to call James on the phone and realizes that she is supposed to meet him for dinner . She goes upstairs to change and thinks it is better to tell him what happened with Sheila in person . As she is leaving a note for Stephanie , a delivery person knocks on the back door . Mike comes in with a gun and tells Maggie to do what he says and she won 't get hurt . Back at the Private Dining Room , Ridge tells Taylor that he doesn 't take Brooke 's engagement seriously and that they didn 't come here tonight to talk about Brooke . Taylor tells Ridge that she has to wonder if his reaction to Brooke 's engagement had anything to do at all with business . She tells him that she knows her fiancee too well and she doesn 't want to look at this . " All I want to do is close my eyes to it all and take you in my arms for the rest of my life . I want to give you an out . I don 't want you to be obligated to me . If you want Brooke I would understand . " Taylor is crying as she takes off the ring . She says , " Ridge , please take it back if that is what you really want . " Return to Top of this Page |
After 32 years of marriage , he just threw me away like yesterday 's trash ! You need to know that this " IS " my true story and what I have to deal with each and every day . What I 'm about to say sounds completely unbelievable and I truly wish this was all my imagination but it isn 't . My husband threw me away after 3 children and 34 years of marriage . He is an accountant and specializes in both tax and matrimonial property agreements . He convinced me to move out of my home and he then immediately moved his old High School girlfriend and her deadbeat family in . He hit me below the belt at my most vulnerable time . We as women usually have a gut feeling that something is wrong , which I did have for months before this happened . I kept asking him if everything was OK to which he assured me everything was fine . I 've been fighting him for the past 5 years to get a fair settlement but he said he will never pay spousal support and I didn 't deserve anything else since he was the one working . My mother died and six weeks later my daughter got married . Only 9 days after her marriage he informed me he didn 't want to be married anymore at which time we separated . 5 months after that , my dad died and 2 1 / 2 months after that my mother 's live - in boyfriend of 45 years also died . That is 3 close family member 's deaths and 1 marriage in an 8 month period . As I mentioned earlier he convinced me it would be in my best interest to move which happened 2 month later . Within 6 months of the move my sweet little dog also died , she couldn 't take the stress of moving and me crying all the time . I 've been in therapy for the past 3 years just trying to cope with this nightmare as best I can and am so overwhelmed I don 't know which way to turn . My soon - to - be ex is trying to get his hands on the personal and private notes written by my therapist at each of my therapy sessions . It will cause irreparable damage to me and my children if this occurs . I am standing my ground as long as I can but they are relentless in their quest . Neither myPost reply Stick To Your Guns by : Shannon " My lawyers are not helping me at all , they have prepared a consent form for me to sign which will turn these notes over to my ex and his lawyer . I guess that 's because it is the path of least resistance for them . " DO NOT , UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES , SIGN A CONSENT FORM TO TURN THOSE NOTES OVER ! ! ! FIRE YOUR LAWYERS IMMEDIATELY AND GET LAWYERS WHO ARE SERVING YOUR BEST INTERESTS , NOT YOUR EX - HUSBAND ' S ! ! ! I am so sorry to hear of what you are going through . I am going through a similar situation and feel your pain . Whatever you do , stick to your guns . Your ex - husband has put you through hell and he needs to pay you spousal support and he needs his ass kicked as well ! ! ! Your lawyers suck and I believe that they are working for your ex - husband and that is not right and definitely not legal . DO NOT LET HIM BREAK YOU ! ! ! You deserve to be loved , to be cherished and treated with respect . The stupid self - centered jerk thinks he can break you . . . DO NOT LET HIM HAVE POWER OVER YOU ! ! ! STAND YOUR GROUND ! ! ! GET A NEW LAWYER WHO WILL FIGHT FOR YOU ! ! ! STICK TO YOUR GUNS ! ! ! Know that you deserve love and respect . Know your worth . Know that you are an amazing woman and he is a complete loser for doing this to you when you gave him children and a large part of your life . He totally needs his butt kicked ! You have gone through so much loss and I am so sorry for your pain you must be in . Hang tough , sister . Stick to your guns . Do not let him break you . by : Anonymous I feel for all of you . I 've been there with a bit of it ALL . After I got out of college ( thank goodness carried two degrees ) and became a teacher , I was unmarried and had no boyfriends . I met him and a year later we married . At the time I didn 't feel I was desperate , but now I look back and maybe that feeling was creeping in . I was attractive and some say beautiful but I was always told not to feel vain . I had dated a guy for four years and halfway through college we couldn 't keep up with the five hour distance . Anyway , I got married to a person who I loved ; maybe not in the same way as my first love . I was faithful but he had anger issues and would say about once a year " I have to get it out " . Then after four years he picked up a chair one night and almost hurled it at me . I stood at the door forever and he told me if I left he 'd call the police and tell them I stole the car . I stayed He had a federal job where we moved often . At different locations he would look out the apt windows and peek at girls undressing ( he thought I didn 't see him at the top of the steps , but I was quiet ) . At another location he said what he 'd do to a girl walking down the street . Then he got into heavy pornography . Sick . I had a great job , we had a beautiful baby , and life got so busy . I got awards and grants for work . Our son was gifted and finished with a CPA degree and met a wonderful girl . My ex started taking lots of necessary medicines and drinking daily . On weekends he would have several bottles of wine . One day after his mom died , we got into a fight over the check book . Each month it had to be to the penny and I 'm trying to grieve , and then he said he 'd take over my farm account . He had already asked my mother for three hundred thousand dollars ; I was worried now . When we got into it he threatened divorce . He said well sell your farm and split it down the middle . I tried to talk to him , but he said the same thing so I left and never went back . After my mom died I began to have all these guilty feelings . Wish I knI thought I was the only one . . . by : JOHN My brother died and six months later my dad . Five months after that my mother and five after that I intercepted a package for my wife of a personal vibrator from her boyfriend from 40 years ago . When confronted her , " yep " they were having an emotional affair which she hurried off to " consummate " after I found out . We had been married 37 years , have two sons and even lost a baby girl together . Two weeks after she moved out , my beautiful dog , " Bradi " died . Your story resonates this evening as I felt like ending it all . This happened a year ago and my heart still aches . She want spousal support as she lives with this guy . Almost unbelievable … Worst thing is my attorney is worthless and having to hire another . I thought I had a good life , not easy but good . Now it is a challenge just to get up in the morning . by : Anonymous My ex - husband is narcissistic and treated me like I meant nothing to him and not even having his child was important . He loves our son as much as a sociopath can but he hates me and makes sure I know it with every interaction . I have tried over and over to just move on but he puts our son in the middle and it really isn 't fair . My son wants to live with me but his dad insists on having all the control . Then he tries to alienate me from him constantly . He throws out anything my son makes for me at school and prevents me from being able to talk to him on the phone . When we were married he constantly cheated on me then became physically abusive . I feel like his hatred towards me was always there and has never changed . I really don 't want to be nice to him but when I react to his issues . . . it 's even worse . So I just figure being nice is the best thing to do . I feel like its torture talking to him and he 's always putting a negative spin on everything I say and do for our son . I don 't even know who this man is . He has remarried and acts all happy and I feel so jealous and hurt that he can seem happier with her than me . I don 't know how she is happy with him honestly . But maybe he found the right one for him . He was never happy with me . I wish I had chosen more wisely . by : Gia I was married 15 years , no children but a stepson from an affair he had during our marriage . He then met another woman and a couple weeks before Christmas , threw me out of the house and moved her and her daughter in . I wasn 't married as long as all of you and no children so wasn 't as hard as what you all went through . I can tell you that it does get better . The scar will always be there and I 'll never be with anyone again but I can honestly say I 'm happy . . . and you will be too ! : ) Therapy notes . by : Anonymous In my state no one can get mental health records without an order from a judge . Not a subpoena , an order from the judge . HIPPA laws protect your privacy . HIPPA is federal law . Do not sign the release . Tell your therapist you won 't sign . Tell the lawyer , no way will you sign . What you say or work on in therapy is irrelevant to all of this . He / they have no right to your private therapy sessions . Stand strong and don 't sign . Check with AARP for job assistance . I 'm sorry you 're going through this . Clearly your ex - husband is an a * * hole . Bless you for putting up with him as long as you did . Again , I 'm sorry for all the pain you 're going through . I pray you get what you need . I hope you get a settlement from your x , but also look for work . It will keep you busy , which is therapeutic . It will help your self - esteem . by : Anonymous All I 've got to say to all of us is my lawyer said document , document , and document everything . Sit down and write down everything that you can possibly remember and never sign anything . Good luck to all us forgotten women . by : Anonymous I went through almost the same , except married for 28 years . I have never cheated on him and only loved him . He told me to leave so he can finish fixing up our little farm house . We are NOT rich . He supported me and in turn for the last 16 years I have helped and raised and loved his brother who is mentally handicapped with the brain of a 2 to 8 year old . It started when he came back from working in Montana / North Dakota , he started being very abusive verbally and physically with pushing me throwing things at me . Neighbors have called the police on him even . When I came back ( with him saying he could get more remodeled if I went to visit family ) , I found out he told our neighbors he kicked me out " . Talk about being shocked and hurt " I went to stay at a friend 's home from church . I had to go back every day to our little farm to feed and I just want to be around my animals . He kept my dogs in the house where I brought them home and raised them for the 6 years of their life . Then one morning he came out yelling at me so bad he took a brick to the truck I was driving , that scared me bad . The neighbors and I called the police then and they told me it was time to get protection , so I listened . I thought it was time and I did get him removed from our farm and I felt relaxed for the first month . Then I dropped the order of protection from being scared and broken . I let him move back into the farm with his brother , but he would not let me see my brother - in - law . And he dragged both of our dogs out of my truck , I still have not seen them to this day and it has been 3 months now . I miss my brother - in - law and animals so much it hurts . Now I am back staying with a family member , but I 'm broke and having a hard time finding work . And I lost my auto insurance to my truck but paid ahead on it . I am lost . I do not have money to hire a lawyer . My phone will be turned off tomorrow and I could not stay in the state I was in with him for I had no family there . Does anyone know if another state will help me try to get sby : Anonymous I really sympathize with you as I was married 38 years and had one grown son . He left me for an older woman go figure . . . Then three years later , he tried get me in bed while still living with her . My life has been upside down for 6 . 5 years and the pain never leaves me , though I give it a good try . . . . . I 've had five family members pass away during this time and my dog also . . . I have PTSD by : Anonymous I have been where you are . Sounds like your lawyer is just looking for getting paid anything . Instead of concentrating on you . Find another lawyer . I was married for 18 years when my husband threw me out for another women . I had no idea . I was so in the dark . He worked out of the house and felt like he needed to rent an apartment to get work done . We even adopted my sisters little 5 year old girl per his idea . ( That was to keep me busy ) . I do not regret the adoption . This apartment was a place for him to meet and you know the rest . He had been married before and had two daughters which during the first five years of marriage we got custody of . He had a son and then 15 years later adopted my sister 's daughter . His next to oldest daughter at the age of 13 was tested with Bi Polar . The adopted daughter was diagnosed with HDHD . You can imagine having to keep on top of this . He took business vacations / cruises all the while taking his mistress and introducing her as his wife . The only thing I got out of that marriage was a son , two step daughters and an adopted daughter all of which still call me mom and have absolutely NOTHING to do with him . He was physically and mentally abusive . Be thankful he set you free . You deserve better . You are worth it . There are support groups all around to help . Family is good , if not look for a group . Look for a new attorney . I will be praying for you . by : Anonymous I was with my husband for 44 years , and married for 34 of them . He is getting ready to retire and I know he has not saved enough money for us to live on . He said we need to move back home and I could live with my step mother and he could live with his mother . I 'm just a mess . I cry , can 't eat , and even my dogs know I 'm so upset . I have tied a knot at the end of the rope and I am hanging on . After what he has done to me I would never take him back . He wears a yellow stripe down his back and I have no respect for a man that 's a coward . But I 'm so alone and won 't share with anyone . I live in this big house with all the memories and its killing me . I need to pull myself together but have no idea how I 'm going to do this . Thank God I found all of you ! I feel like I have some angels on my side now ! Hugs by : Terry You have every right to spousal support . Do not sign anything to the contrary . He has no right to your medical / psychological records ever . Don 't hand them over . You need a better lawyer . After 34 years and you not working , you are probably entitled to about 40 % of what he makes - forever until you re - marry . Don 't let anybody treat you like that . Borrow if you have to , but get a great lawyer and GO ! It will cost you up front , but in the end you will win because you are completely entitled . Terry Married the man of my dreams , so I thought ! by : Anonymous I have known my ex - to - be since we were about 15 years old . He was my best friend . I knew everything about him , all his girlfriends , we would always talk to each other about everything . We always told each other how much we loved each other but we were both afraid of losing our friendship . We went our separate ways and both married , but we never lost touch . He divorced his wife in 25 years ago and I divorced mine a year later . He started talking and realized that we really loved each other and had never stopped . Two years later we married . We had the best marriage that anyone could have . He had a young son from his previous marriage , he was about one year old . We had a great marriage for 20 years and then he started acting strange . He started pulling away from me but I continued to ask him what was the matter and he would say nothing . We got into a fight about three weeks ago and he threw me out of the house and said that he wanted a divorce . He said he loved me and would love me forever , but was in love with another woman . I was so shocked ; he hasn 't acted like he has ever known me since . Since then I have filed for a divorce and our marriage is over . But I just don 't understand what happened to the man I knew . He changed so much and I just don 't understand it . The man I knew was kind and caring and the man now is mean and cold . I 'm so confused by the whole thing . Anyone have a good reason he would treat me this way ? by : Patty Those were my thoughts exactly , thrown away like yesterdays trash . I feel your pain . My first ex threw me away after 12 years of marriage and 3 kids for a woman he had been having an affair with for the last 4 years of our marriage , unbeknownst to me . A very hurtful time for me . Then , I thought I met my white knight in shining armor , who swooped into my life being oh so helpful and sympathetic . Shortly after we wed , he turned on me , became highly controlling and abusive . After 2 children and trying so hard to make it work for 7 years , he left me when he realized that I would not let him control and abuse me anymore . I feel like one of King Henry 's wives , so disposable . I will have to read the book the other woman recommended , and am working on being happy with what I have , but it still sucks to have been so rejected . I did get a good attorney ( paid by my mom and sister ) , who has made sure in both cases that I receive the correct amount of child support and maintenance ( alimony ) along with 1 / 2 of their retirement earned during the marriages , and other details , being sure that I got every thing that the law allows . I truly hope that by now you 've dropped that terrible attorney and are able to obtain from your ex what you deserve . I was an at home mom too , and it is difficult to get back into the working world . I am leaning on government aid until I can get back on my feet . I am very sorry that this happened to you . No one should be treated like that , and to have all those losses at once ! I personally believe that our rewards will be in our afterlife , when the first shall be last , and the last shall be first . I believe your ex will get what he deserves in the end , and he will be sorry for having treated you so horribly . This life may have many pains and sorrows , but it is short compared to eternity , where you will be forever comforted in God 's loving arms . ( I hope you don 't mind me sharing my spiritual beliefs ) I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors ! You can overcome this . I know it ! by : A Woman like you who went through the same thing I don 't know when this was postedI am not at all religiousBut I will say this , what saved me was a website / blog called " baggage reclaim " The writer of the blogs is wonderful . She 's British . Check her blog . I also read a book called " Women Who Love Too Much " and I highly HIGHLY recommend this book . This is a book written in the 80s I think by a psychologist and it gets to the root of the problem . It is such an important bookIn my case and in a lot of women 's case it 's a question of self - worth and self - value ( I had so little and when he was done with me I had none left . I had no hope and living without hope is terrible ) When I was thrown away , it made me wonder why I had allowed this man to treat me so badly for so long . I had NO boundaries with him . And after researching , reading , studying a lot on self - worth I realized that if I loved myself I would never allow anyone to treat me so badlyI also highly recommend you check the YouTube videos by Bishop T . D . Jakes especially " women thou art loose " and " girl talk 1 " and " girl talk 2 " these are by his wife and many other women . Bishop T . D Jakes does many sermons just for women . And they are incredible ! I said I am not at all religious but these videos / sermons are simply incredible and it doesn 't matter if you are religious or not . Also , Iyanla Vanzant Youtube videos ( with Oprah ) and books have REALLY helped me . She helps SO many women with relationship problems and self - worth issuesI can tell you this , as soon as you realize what YOU are worth and give yourself the gift of letting that terrible man go , he will want you back but you won 't want him because by then you 'll know your worth and you 'll start spending time only with people who know your worth tooThis I know for sureAnd you will start laughing and enjoying life . You will look in the mirror and love what you see exactly as you see yourself . You will become creative and start planning things and doing thingsAnd you will say " Thank you for leaving me . It was becaFeel the pain by : Anonymous Wow this could almost be my story ! ! ! ! My husband was determined to marry after dating 4 months . We have been married for nearly 3 years . I have done EVERYTHING to show how much I love him . But he wants a divorce . He says I 'm a great person but he doesn 't love me . And he doesn 't want to be married . I am so confused , angry , and hurt ! ! ! ! I feel as if all he ever saw me as was a toy to entertain him for a bit . He isn 't working so I 've been supporting him and this feels like he plunged a knife through my heart ! ! ! How much more ungrateful and selfish can a man get ? ? ! ! I feel used and dirty because the only time he ever talked to me was when he needed something . And he 's calling me selfish ! ! ! ? ? ? ? ? ? by : Anonymous To the person who posted the second comment … I despise individuals who think it is so easy just to get over stuff . You must not have a good heart if you are telling this poor woman to stop feeling what she feels . She has every right . I think YOU just come on these sites to push the knife even deeper - you should be ashamed of yourself . I hope nothing ever devastating happens to you because you have no heart ! by : Anonymous I am so sorry . I really do not know what to say and you have every right to feel angry . I was also thrown out like garbage and possibly on my way out for the second time and I am going mad . Until I walk in your personal shoes , I do not know what living hell you are going through . I 'm so sorry . Nobody can really help unless they are willing to help you financially because women suffer not only emotionally but financially . How in the world can a woman keep her head on straight for a job when everything around her is falling apart and basic needs are not being met ? This really stinks ! It 's so easy for these men to just get rid of us . I am partly to blame because my counselor said I was a bad chooser . Never again will I ever get involved with a man . I am going to concentrate on me and my daughter - getting better and slowly healing . These men damage , destroy and devastate . They have no idea , plus they do not care how they ruin our lives . me 28 yrs by : katie My husband and I have been married 28 years , and the past five months I have been wondering why God is punishing me . My husband lost his job due to stealing copper tubing . So he says he was blackballed from getting another job . Thanksgiving he told me he wasn 't coming back . He is so angry at himself for getting us in trouble with the law he can 't look at himself in the mirror . I am devastated , actually diagnosed with major depression disorder . I 'm not me . I have not worked in 15 years and I have been taking care of my mother who passed Jan . 23rd ( which he never came to her funeral ) . I know I should have been gone years ago due to the mental abuse . For example , my son was killed by a drunk driver and he told me to get over it . Well it 's over because he says it is . He is my whole life . I waited all these years to rekindle an old flame with no one around and I guess I 'll be spending the best part of our lives with myself . Who wants another man ? I can 't even fight any more . He tells lies , lies , and more lies . He says he will think about getting back together , but he is lying to get me to shut up and leave him alone . His wish is my command . I 'm hoping for him a long life in prison because he deserves it . by : Stacy Amen and well delivered ! I too was thrown out like trash , after 10 years , 8 of them we were best friends . All I can say is I 'm the one who will never be the same and had nothing to do with how my life will ride out now . I have nowhere to turn and I will not burden my children . Question is " Did he really ever love me ? " I 'm convinced men R pigs . Good luck to you . Ignorant comment by : anon by : Kat The person who said " quit feeling sorry for yourself " . First of all , don 't judge if you have never been in that situation . Second , that is what this web blog is for . Its a way for women to hear other people who have or are , have gone through the same thing . IF YOU CAN ' T SAY SOMETHING NICE , DON ' T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL . Your rude comments only make it worse and makes a woman question they might be over reacting or at fault for the abuse . Which most of them have been struggling with for years already . We don 't look for pity . We just let other women know that they aren 't alone . How about you spend a month with my ex husband and see if you still think we are feeling sorry for ourselves . by : RW We were married in 1980 and in debt , so I decided to get us out of debt with money . Anyways 2 daughter 's later and 33 years of marriage , we are now retired with many millions of dollars in the bank and lots of property . She retired at 49 and me at 56 , which was a little bit too early . Anyways while in the USA on holidays my father passes away so I came back instantly . My wife was helping our oldest daughter in her new business . As I am dealing with my father 's death , she files for divorce stating I was not a good husband . I never had affairs , but did work too hard to attain our lifestyle and now this . I wonder ; how many other women would love a guy that used his head and body to become successful ? Our daughter 's don 't understand but they are backing up old Dad . Any comments on this screwed up situation ? by : Anonymous This is the reason why women work today . I know you think after many years of marriage you know a person , but that obviously is not true . Hang in there ladies , people reap what they sow . It takes time to get back on your feet after a divorce . You are not too old , just think of the new experiences you can have now . Forgive , trust God and move forward . by : Anonymous My husband and I had been married for almost 17 years . I was married before for 22 years to a drunk who was gay . My son is now 34 . My mother died and left me a trust , which I told my husband about before we were married , but that it was for my son . He gets railroad retirement and 100 % veteran 's disability . He received $ 175m in August for getting 100 % disability . He told me to retire because we didn 't need the insurance anymore ; that I could get it through the veterans . 2 weeks after I retired he asked me for a divorce . He told me he would make sure I didn 't get any money from him . He has taken 2 months of money I get from his railroad retirement . I did buy a foreclosed home for my son with my inheritance . Thank god it was big enough for me too . He has had 3 - 4 girlfriends and is living with some women out of state right now . It has been 5 months and he hasn 't given me a dime . My lawyer keeps telling me I will turn out ok on the divorce . It seems like we give our lawyers blind faith with the rest of our lives . I soon will be 64 . I could get many jobs ( I think ) but I can 't stand for long periods or walk any distance . His reason for the divorce is he hates my son ( he doesn 't want me to see him ) . He is my only child . He also said I don 't give him enough sex . He feels that sex has to include a " BJ " and I have had some health issue but he never cared about that . When he has been ill , I took care of him . One time I sat for 34 consecutive days in the hospital with him . His ex - wife , son , and daughter all hate me now . I have never cheated on him . With my inheritance from an aunt for 25M I used it on our bills since he was sick from one of his surgeries . With my mom 's inheritance , I bought new furniture . I took that with me . I left a new fridge and some special made chairs for the eating counter . Most of the things I took were from my aunt , grandparents , and my mom . He tells everyone I took everything . He fails to mention that a restored 1955 is in the garage , 2 trucks that run , 2 trailers , a Don 't Sign those papers ! by : Cindy In your state of Alabama you have rights . If your husband was the main source of income , he will be obligated to provide spousal support in the manner you were accustomed to . He is being a jack ass and is trying to leave you in the cold . Your lawyer seems to just want to get paid without taking you into consideration . If your husband was the sole provider , believe me he will have to pay and depending on your length of marriage he will be obligated to provide for you for a while . Check out your statutes regarding property rights . Do not sign anything that will leave you in the cold . After 27 years of marriage , I am in a similar situation myself . My husband had a baby on me , he cheats on me with other women and I am stuck for the time being . I am working on my Masters so I can be self - sufficient after we get a divorce . We barley talk to each other and I try to stay focused on me . . . . which is so hard to do . I ask myself why did he do this to me . . . . but as we get older we change . Life just isn 't fair . . . Like you . . . I sought counseling . Still do . Talk to people . . . it might seem embarrassing and hurtful but talking does help . You are going to have to learn how to think differently and that is so hard to do because right now in this instant you can only think about how sad this situation is . You need to surround yourself with others . I joined a group a women who have life - crisis situations . They are not the same issuer but a crisis is a crisis . You feel bad for yourself and you cry all the time . . . . I know because I have done it also . I still have times when I cry . . . allow yourself these feeling and then do something else . I know it is hard to do but you have to so you don 't stay depressed . I know how you feel . You are still looking at how your life should have been and it is so disappointing that it is tearing you apart . I know . . . . I am there . But , as I am finding out . . . time will allow you to heal . I am now looking forward to my freedom . . . to be able to live and do as I want to do . If you have a chance , look on the by : Anonymous Stop feeling sorry for yourself ! by : Gale Hogan I would stand my ground ! Hell no , he can 't make you give up information between you and your doctor . It 's a law . . . Unless you committed a crime . No way , no way , no way . Don 't let anyone tell you different . I 'm about to lose my house and he could give a rats ass . He has mommy , but I have no one . But somehow I 'll come up on top . Even in death , he has to answer to all of his bad deeds . I 'm not even trying to get him to help me , and get his ego fed . Nope , I 'm going to do this on my own cause when his mom passes he 'll have nothing and no one who will put up with his drunken ass . God is good and he 's the only one I 'm going to please . If I need anything I 'm going to my father in heaven , since my earthly father has abused me , and my earthly family has turned their backs on me . Me and my fifteen year old will get a spiritual family . . I 'll probably be happier than I am here at this moment . No matter how many people I complain to , no one can do it for me but me . So I surrender my past and can 't see the future , so I 'm living in the present . I not getting mad at things I have no control of , it 's a waste of good energy . For every one minute I 'm mad I 'm losing one minute of happiness . And trust me , if you sit around crying , he won 't see . He 's going out to dinner , laughing , and not giving you a thought . They will be wasted tears . I loved wrong . The next time around , and there will be a next time , I 'm finding someone who loves god first . Then I know he 'll be able to love me . If you don 't know how to love like God , you you 'll never know how to love someone unconditionally . Let go give his sorry ass to God . Hell I did . Post reply Divorce and the Stay at Home MomStay at home moms considering divorce need to protect their financial futures . These tips can help . Read More Emotionally Divorced but Still MarriedSome couples stay together for finances , their children , or simply convenience . But is it healthy in the long run ? Read More Best Way to Sell an Engagement Ring after DivorceAfter a bad marriage and a bad divorce , many women are ready to get rid of this symbol of eternal love . These tips can help turn your bridal bling into money . Read More Home | Chat | About | Contact | Privacy | Newsletter |
My cousins had to tap rubber before going to school in the 50 's and 60 's , and I was in the peripheral scenes as I was a town girl , visiting the village during my holidays . Until today , I can still remember the fresh formic acid smell , the stale smell of the ugly rubber sheets hanging in the sun , and the wonderful smell of the rubber sheets coming out from my grandmother 's rubber smoke house . On " sale " day , we kids would jump up and down in the motor launch , looking forward to a good price , and the rubber sheets then smelled so good . If money smells , then those rubber sheets smelled even better . . . the aroma haunts me to this day . It made me feel alive . . knowing that we would live better , that grandmother would be generous with her purchases and I would get more buns in the evenings for supper . . . . her earnings would mean that she would come home with several sacks of flour , sunkist oranges , apples , sugar , condensed milk ( such a wonderful invention ) , Beck 's key beer for my uncles , dried squid for our babi soups , and even shark 's fins . . . I remember we had three smoking seasons a year and they coincided with our three term holidays . I was always there ( sent to grandma because mum was sickly and another brother or sister was on the way ) That place is now known as Paradom , opposite Rantau Panjang and what was " home " on my mother 's side was sold in the 80 's at the height of the exodus from the villages ( caused by communist surrender ) . Today it is a water filled lowland as the shore had caved in and part of our padi land just the bank of the river now . . . when I went there two years ago , I really felt that part of my past was gone and it was no longer recognisable . I wish I can turn all these feelings into some poetic expressions . Then there was this day , when we thought we we saw some black marks in the river . We got into our two prahus ( small boats ) . . . what we had were about 20 pigs swimming across the river ! ! We managed to get two as we were only children then and we were not prepared . We had no guns , no parangs , but we had ropes ( for the logs ) and some nails . . . . By that time guns had been surrendered to the government ( 1963 ) , we used the paddles to hit the pigs . . . I cannot remember how we shared the meat , but it was like a circus coming to town . . . and the whole smoke house area was full of people again , but this time it was for feasting . We used to say that my grandmother 's kuali was big enough to cook me . It was the usual XXXXL size of 1 metre in diameter . . . Do you remember that type of Chinese kuali . . . One day I would like to have a model of the Chinese stove in a gazebo in my yard . . . During the Rajah Brooke rule 1842 - 1946 , rubber was enthusiastically planted by Chinese , Malays and any native interested in the crop . There was no restriction in land use , hence " land was a gift of the Rajah to the adventurous new settlers who were willing to clear the land . Hence land was cleared for the planting of rubber , the most exciting and lucrative commercial crop , in places like Ensurai , Sibu , and Binatang ( now called Bintangor ) . These rubber farmers did not establish estates like their British counterparts in the then Malaya . The Rajah on the other hand , did not encourage any British to plant and develop rubber into huge plantations . Instead the Rajah Government was more interested in establish smallholdings , which were self - sufficient . Hence throughout most of the foothills of Sarawak appeared smallholdings of rubber in a scattered manner . This remained the scenario of the development of rubber growing until the end of the Second World War when Sarawak was handed over to the British Colonial Government . Smoke houses were established by the riverbanks conveniently by some of the wealthier rubber planters . A small Foochow village like Lower Ensurai with about 20 families would rally around the village leader 's smoke house . The smoke house would smoke the rubber sheets by the tons twice a year at least and all the villagers would be notified before the smoking began . The smoking was done in a cooperative manner , as no charge in cash was demanded . All the able bodied men would chop the firewood taken from the collection of drift logs from the river . Once the fire was made , a man was nominated to tend the fire one day at a time . The smoking went on for a week . Meanwhile the rubber tapping was carried out . Once the smoking was completed , the rubber sheets smelled fragrant to the knowing nose . The better - treated rubber sheets would have a translucent sheen and a mathematically accurate rectangle shape and these would be classified as Grade A ( " look very good " ) . The rubber sheets were then bundled and sent by a slow motor launch to Sibu . The " packing " day was an exciting day for all the families involved . Food would be cooked in large quantities and it was a merry time . When the loading was completed , the motor launch would sail off from the jetty by a boisterious group of women and children . The men would accompany the rubber sheets to Sibu . All the loading and unloading were done by manual labour . Not a single machine was used to help the strong and muscular Foochow men . A few Foochow men were well known for their strength . Had they been sent to represent Malaysia in weightlifting today , they would have broken a few Olympic records ! Such was their strength that Lau Pang Sing , an uncle of mine , for example , at the height of his adult years , was able to throw one tan ( the measurement of weight of that time , equivalent to 100 lbs ) of rubber sheets on to his back and walk many yards to the trolley which he would then pull to the godown . The selling and buying of the rubber sheets was done in Sibu and it was carried out in the most gentlemanly way possible . The agent who was responsible for shipping the rubbers sheets to Singapore fixed the prices of the three grades of rubbers sheets . These prices were in turn based on the prices fixed by the Singapore exporter . A good example of the rubber shipping agent would be Hock Chiong of Sibu . My father planted 300 acres of rubber trees . This was before the Second World War . All these rubber trees were planted on land that my father " opened " up as a Foochow pioneer who came in the same boat as Wong Nai Siong . According to my father life was difficult as a pioneer . He had to adjust to the hot climate and the mosquitoes which almost drove him mad ! ! My father was a very fair man , in fact not that strong . But he was so determined that he did not stop chopping down trees every day until he was exhausted . Coming from Min Chiang in the Foochow province in China he was used to hardwork and very little food . But in the new pioneer village of Lower Nan Chong , then called New Foochow , he worked like a mad man . In a few short years , when the land that was cleared by him was measured to be three hundred acres , he sat down and cried . . . . Most of the pioneers who came at that time were young boys and young men . The women came one or two years later . My father 's older brother " bought " a five year old child bride for my father who was then already 20 years old ( and that 's another story ) . My father was a " workaholic " , a man who was only interested in work . He was illiterate and perhaps because of that he did not even know how much rubber he sold to the agent ! He had a smoke house that processed the rubber sheets once every two months and he would accompany the motor launch to Sibu with some of the coolies that he employed . There were four families of " coolie " labourers . They lived in their coolie quarters constructed by my father located within the rubber garden ( 300 acres ! ) These families were large . I remember them having 8 or 9 children and as they grew up , they were able to help more and more . Thus more and more rubber sheets were produced . The producers of rubber were very honest and trusting folks . Being illiterate , they trusted the clerk ( a relative ) to record what they sold to the company . They took food , necessities , building materials and other luxuries against the cash value . The clerk kept the balance of the money . The clerk also kept their accounts up to date . At that time there was no bank . My father sold his rubber to Tai Tung Company that was actually set up by his own brother . His brother was the then Community leader appointed by the Rajah . The business was actually based on trust . I believe my father did not even know how much he was worth . He only knew that he could bring back a lot of goods , food and other supplies each time he sold his rubber . This he would share with his family and the coolie families . He would also bring back enough cash to pay the coolies . The rest of the money that he did not need would be left with the " accounts " in the account books . Such was the business transaction then . As a child I could not know very much . In my innocence I would not know that perhaps accounts could be tempered with . I only knew that I had plenty to eat and that my father was very provident and my mother was very resouceful , as were all the other relatives I had in the village . We had clothes to wear , food on the table and lots of happiness . Life was quite simple but wonderful . Then we thought of going to a school . The villagers put their heads together and decided to set up a school for all the children who were born very quickly to the new families . Our teacher was a young and educated Mr . Hii who later married one of my cousins . I remember he was paid 30 dollars a month for teaching . AN IBAN RUBBER TAPPER TALE By Christoper Sawan 1959 Medamit . I was just a small boy then but I learnt that with a little bit of hard work , my father could earn a few dollars . It was called tapping rubber . The rubber tree was something new and to a small Iban boy it was quite unusual . My father just had to make a cut in the tree , and milk would flow out . My father would do that every morning and I would tag along . My father told me that if I grew up and could tap the tree on my own , I would be able to earn a lot of hard cash . So I had to learn the tricks from him . First the knife had to be sharp and the cut must be perfect . And in the early hours of the morning , I had to learn how to cut the tree bark very carefully and lovingly so as not to hurt the inner bark . Milk or latex would ooze out , and that was money . I would look forward to the rain . That would mean that I did not have to get up as early as four . I could have a lazy morning , fish a little in the river or collect some fruits just before lunch . For a small boy , the work was dirty , smelly and even dangerous as my father and I would encounter snakes , scorpions and wild animals . The rubber garden was not well maintained as my father was working alone , and the undergrowth was beyond his control . Later on when I furthered my studies in West Malaysia , I was very impressed by the well - kept rubber estates over there . Everything was well trimmed . There was no undergrowth . One could even cycle between the rubber trees ! ! How wonderful . But then in 1959 Medamit in Limbang was really extremely far away from any major town in Sarawak . It would take me three days to reach Limbang , the nearest town . I had to walk , to paddled a small boat and then to board a big boat to reach the town . The headman one day told my father that I could go to school . I did not know what going to school was all about . My father told me that going to school was to learn how to read , and do sums . A teacher would teach me . The headman was advised to collect a few boys from the area . Thus 6 of us were selected and our ages ranged from 7 to 11 . My father gave me a small rice pot , a sack of rice , a small bit of salt , a small pillow , a mat , a small knife , and some fishing hooks . I remember him telling me to be strong and not to miss home . I was 9 at that time . My weight was not more than 20 kg . He told me not to cry , because that could be the beginning of a better life , and that was what the government wanted . I don 't even remember today , if he did give me some sugar . I don 't even remember whether he touched me as a loving gesture from a father . He stood so lonely at the end of the jetty and our small boat pulled away . Thus my small band of desperadoes went to school for the first time in Medamit . Our school was just one room , with a little kitchen for all of us to do our cooking together . Fish was caught in the river and vegetables were collected from the forest nearby . But our little group , made up of uncles and cousins , survived for several years . I remember everything very well . I was quick to learn maths , English spelling and reading . My handwriting was pretty good . All my mates worked hard to learn well and we pleased the teacher . In turn we were all transferred out to the secondary schools in Miri ! ! Miri seemed to be a million mile away then . All the while , my father would drop by the school to check on me . He would bring down several sheets of rubber to be sold to the Chinese shopkeeper . From the sale of rubber , I would get some short pants , some sugar , some salt and even some sweets , which were mainly made from gula apong at that time . Until today I have a longing for this old fashion sweet . I never had a blanket during those years . None of us had . Until today , I still feel very grateful that the dark brown , rancid smelling rubber sheets came handy for my father . With that small amount of cash , which was in fact , all that he had , I managed to buy my first shirt on my back , when I arrived in Miri . All this while I had only worn a singlet , which was already very civilized . In the years that followed , I picture my father bringing down some rubber sheets to exchange for cash so that I could have a bit of pocket money . What if at that time there was no cash crop ? Rubber has indeed played a significant part in my life . It gave me a chance to be someone better . I am glad I have made it first as a graduate teacher and then as a lawyer . And I have so many people to thank for in my life . But as for rubber , I think it has helped not only me , but also a lot of other people . When I was young , I often thought of escaping from the miserable life I had with my father . First I will describe my life as a child in the family as well as my family in general . Then I will describe my life as a rubber - tapper , from the moment I was tall enough to put the rubber - tapping knife on the bark of the rubber trees . As I was first born ( eldest child ) , I had to be responsible for everything . I had to carry water from the stream for cooking , washing and cleaning . I washed clothes by the riverside regardless of whether it was sunny or raining . I had six brothers and sisters who came very closely into this world . My mother never had a day of rest and had to suffer physical blows dealt out by my father who was lazy , greedy and nasty . Very few people would believe me whenever I talk about my father in this way . My mother would never say anything bad about my father because to her , she was fated to marry such a man , and she had to be married to him until death parted them . She had no other options . The rubber trees that my family tapped were not ours . It was my father 's intention to tap rubber as a means of making a living in Sarawak . He left China in the 1930 's when he heard that Sibu was a thriving town . He married a strong and capable young woman and brought her to Sarawak . As the Rajah Brooke by then had stopped giving away free land to immigrants , my father had to rent a rubber garden from an Iban man . My mother had to do all rubber tapping while my father was never had a proper job . He rested for far more days than he worked . Each day , my mother and I would go to the rubber garden early in the morning . We used a simple kerosene lamp to light the way . My greatest fear was to step on a snake or a scorpion . But for my mum , she was only happy when she was away from the house for the few hours when she tapped rubber . It was during all those rubber - tapping mornings that we would talk to each other without fear of being overheard . It was also the time that my mother would not have to fear that a fist was about to land on her head . It was also during those hours that I learned from my mother on how to be a proper and decent human being . I called those days as learning from the roots of rubber trees . Those were really our good times and no sufferings could obliterate our appreciation of those moments . My family managed to earned just enough for our daily needs and there was very little to spare at first . My father was in control of our lives and we dreaded his abusive ways . However , through my mother 's pleadings my siblings and I went to school for a few years . Subsequently , the Japanese occupation interrupted our education . After the Japanese occupation my mother and I continued to tap rubber and the price of rubber was fairly good then . Soon it was time for me to get married . A young man approached my father for my hand . But my father only agreed if he had a piece of land . My father claimed that his daughters were very valuable and in great demand as brides for the young able men in the village . The young man was very determined to marry me and in a few years he had earned enough money to buy a piece of land . He also borrowed some money to buy a little extra piece of land to impress my father . Before we got married , my father added another condition to our marriage . The young man had to bring up my siblings as well . My future husband was so delighted that he said yes to the condition . Hence he gained a young and hardworking bride as well as a set of young in laws whom he had to feed as well . After I got married , I moved away from my parents ' home . I felt sad but at the same time , I felt happy . In a way , my marriage also ended my rubber tapping days . Today I can say that I have a very happy marriage and my husband had treated me very well . Whenever I see a rubber tree today , I would have tears in my eyes . The tears are for my mother who loved me and who suffered so much as wife of a good for nothing man . The tears are also for my husband who " bought " me with a little rubber garden and for treating me very well . My father came from a decent family . He was God - fearing and he would walk 5 miles to go to church every Sunday together with his mother and siblings . My mother on the other hand did not have much religion in her mind , as she was a " child bride " bought for a price from China . My grandmother made a few journeys to China to bring out child brides for decent Foochow young men before the Second World War . My mother " came out " to Sarawak in 1930 when she was just three years old . She carried with her a photo of her own mother and father . As she was unable to read at that time , she did not even know the characters of her parents ' names . She was never sent to school in Sarawak . In 1943 , she was properly married in church to my father and I was born the following year . My grandmother was very disappointed because I was not a boy . The war was raging at that time and I was lucky in a sense that I was not born in China . Had I been born in China , I would have been thrown into the river , as I was a female child . My grandmother said that I was very , very lucky . But the conditions were not romantic or magical for us . My mother 's toes by then were quite " rotten " because she had to step on the rubber sheets , which were full of formic acid . Sometimes I saw blood coming out of her toes . A few of her toes had no nails . Most of her toes were very swollen and tender to the touch . I remember that when we went to Sibu town , she had to carry her shoes in her hands and she would spend quite a long time putting on her shoes . Those shoes were often too tight fitting . She would walk with a limp . After a day in town , selling her rubber sheets and buying necessities for the family , she could not wait to take off her shoes before getting into the motor launch . Even in the 1950 's we women were quite concerned about our looks , what we wore and how we " made " our hair . Of course lipsticks were unheard of at that time . My mother had her hair permed once a year before Chinese New Year . In the 1950 's and 1960 's we wore samfoo . Skirts and blouses , and dresses were only for the western educated and one of my aunts even wore high heels bought in Singapore ! ! My siblings and I went to school in Nanchong . The school was called Chung Cheng School and it is now a huge secondary school , ever so modern and pretty . Cars can reach the school today . Sometimes my hair was stuck together by the latex and I had to cut off some of my hair . We could not keep long hair because it would be too hazardous . We were also told that girls with very long hair were bad girls . My hairstyle was very much like a boy 's hairstyle actually . On rainy days , we did not tap rubber . My mother would plant vegetables and slaughter a chicken for our meals . Sometimes she would slaughter a pig and sell the meat from door to door . I could rest and stay in bed until it was time to go to school . My father meanwhile was the village boat repairer and a part time barber . My brother inherited the barber set and went to live in Sibu town , away from us . He married a town girl and both of them never knew the life of rubber tappers . During my days , we girls were not even allowed to speak to boys while at school . Any whiff of a relationship would be scandulous . So I waited for my time to get married at 18 . . . In those days , when one was ready for marriage one would be called up by the match maker who had been making her rounds in the villages . It was her way of making a living . I had three proposals but I chose the one who had a good family , a large house and a good job in a company . Before we actually met , I went with my mother and grandmother to meet my future in laws and the match maker in a coffee shop in Sibu . I remember not being able to eat the fish balls , which was ordered for me , as I was anxious to know exactly how tall my husband was . I was a tall girl in fact . My bride price ( dowry ) was $ 3000 because I had a good reputation as a hardworking girl , able to tap rubber and wash clothes . Another strong feature that I had was the fact that I could carry two full tins of water from the river to the house . I was also a good pig rearer . Hence my price ( dowry ) was good . Once my mother obtained the bride price , she bought for me a Singer sewing machine , a bicycle , a bed and mattress set , a wardrobe , and a dressing table . All these were carried to my in - law 's house on bamboo poles . My parents hired a brass band to send me off . It was a real racket on my wedding day . Many people came out to watch the procession . They clapped their hands and gave me the thumbs up because I had " five wedding presents " . I felt very blessed . I married at 18 because I was not good in my studies . How could I ? I had to be up by 4 a . m . in the morning and had to run all the way to school to be in time . By ten o ' clock in the morning I was nodding away . School ended at 2 . The moment I arrived home I had to wash all the clothes by the river side while my other sister fed the pigs , chickens and tended to the vegetable garden . My brothers would all be playing in the padi fields , looking for crabs and fish . Skrang River is home to my people ( Ibans ) for generations . In fact , many Ibans believe that Skrang is the cradle of our civilization . However , the Ibans of Saratok and Betong would oppose to this opinion . Home is a beautiful river , shimmering , clear and provident waters . The valley is rich in soil , and the forest teeming with birds and animals . Cultivation and hunting are the main domestic activities . When I was a teenager , rubber tapping was my main means of income when I went home for the school holidays . At the height of my rubber tapping skills , I was able to tap 400 trees a day ! I believe that is a record . We boys would follow our father early in the morning and we would run from one tree to another in the light provided by kerosene head lamps , tied by strings to our head . We were energetic , eager and adventurous . We did not know that it was hardship . It was our way of life and we accepted it very stoically . We boys would spend up to six hours every day tapping and processing rubber . We were quite experts by the time we were twelve or thirteen . Rubber tapping was both entertainment and occupation for us . We did enjoy our work thoroughly . I felt that it was a very important thing to be able to work with your father and relatives when you are maturing . Being able to tap our own rubber tree was in fact a pride amongst us . At the end of the month we would be able to count our dollars and cents ! ! Our wounds , our formic acid soaked feet , our scars , and our breaking backs would all be forgotten because we would have food on our table ( or mat for that matter ) . We had great responsibilities when we were young . Growing up among the rubber trees made us aware of a lot of things . We grew to love the natural forest , the animals , the fish in the river , the clean air . Our ownership of the rubber garden also gave us a sense of pride . We had something that belonged to us . Then , from the sale of the rubber sheets , we could have money to buy stuff . I remember my father buying the first transistor radio and it was amazing how batteries could help operate the radio . . . and we listened to the English songs on Saturday afternoons . I suppose that was how I learned most of my English . Today , the lyrics still come clearly in my mind . I can still remember all the words of songs like " Rhythm of the Falling Rain " , " Evergreen Tree " , " Love Me Tender " , etc . Although many people stereotype the Ibans in the use of tuba for fishing , I have to categorically state here that my longhouse never used tuba for fishing . We were very environmentally conscious ( even though we did not know the word then ) . We fished using nets and hooks . And we had plenty to eat ! ! Food was plentiful in the river and jungle . We lived in an ecologically balanced environment then . It was only when " alien " hunters who came to hunt in our rubber gardens and forests that the animals diminished . And they too posed a danger to us when we went rubber tapping . Today my relatives are still tapping rubber . We are very conscious of the rise and fall of rubber prices but we depend very much on the middlemen who keep our accounts when we sell our rubber sheets to them . They too give us our supplies of tinned food , chicken feed , fertilizers and other necessities like milk powder and baby food . The middlemen because of the way they do business they are able to buy shophouses in Kuching and then move their families away from Skrang . the towkays today have a good life . This is the way life evolves . Life style changes , people change too in their mindset . . . but I am glad that my childhood and young adulthood had toughened me up and that my parents had given us strong moral values and a sense of purpose in life . We are tough people . There were five of us children . My mother took the rubber tapping job as our source of family income . My father was a boatman . He worked as a helper for a boatowner and would come home once every ten days or so . We all lived in a small hut at the bottom of the hill . On top of the hill was the huge house of the rubber plantation owner . There were more than 100 acres of rubber trees for my family and our neighbours to tap . Our family 's income was about $ 100 a month . But we had the hut rent free , and we had a share of the rubber sale . My mother and sisters planted a lot of vegetables , which we sold to the town people in Sibu . My mother and sisters would walk all the seven miles to town every other day to sell the vegetables . That brought some extra income to our family . All of us would go early in the morning to tap rubber . The land was undulating and not peat swamp like many of the land along the Seduan river . So we were very lucky indeed to work for this towkay . But it was good , working together with your siblings . Collecting and carrying the latex , running the rubber sheets through the mangling machine and eating cold rice packed in our tins ( there was no plastic container at that time ) in the dirty , rubber - processing hut . The whole place was smelled of formic acid . When the rubber sheets came out of the mangling machine they were just so pure and white ! That is a picture or vision that I carry in my heart all the time . White is so beautiful . In the 50 's we knew very little about a lot of things . We had no newspapers , and no radio . We had news of some kind in the church every Sunday . We went to the small primary school in the village . I felt that I was learning very little . . . the teachers hit us all the time with their canes . Actually I remember the beatings more than the teaching . I left school after Year Four because I was such a big boy by then and I continued to tap more rubber every day . Rubber by then fetched a good price . Then one day , one of the towkay 's friends brought a short gun or rifle ( I cannot remember ) to the rubber garden to shoot some wild pigs . Unfortunately my mother and sisters were looking for bamboo shoots . Without realising that some people were around in the evening , the " town man " tried out his short gun very carelessly . He somehow managed to hit my mother . What a horror to us . . . our hut was just perhaps 100 yards away from where the man was standing , we all heard the shot and rushed to the screaming pile of females ! I was ready with my parang ( I was aged 11 at that time ) . There was blood all over . We carried our mother to Sungei Merah . It was about the longest journey I ever took and the Roman Catholic nun who happened to be around wrapped a towel around my mother 's wound . A very kind shopkeeper put my mother in someone 's car and we all went to see a government doctor in Sibu . I did not remember what happened next because it was so blur and I actually vomitted when I heard that my mother was to be admitted to stay in the hospital for a few days . To stay in the hospital at that time meant death . In actual fact , the bullet went through her stomach from the left side to the right side . The only open stomach I had ever seen in my short life by then was chicken stomach . So it was horrible to look at my mother 's wounds . Later on when my father came back , we went to see the towkay with the local headman , as my father did not know what to say , being illiterate and not good in speaking . There was no compensation at all , the friend had offered $ 100 and we had to take it or leave it . My mother was not able to work well from that day onwards . I felt as if my mother had died and only her body was with us . She stopped telling stories . She stopped singing to us . And she was too scared to pull another bamboo shoot out of the ground . She was fearful that she would " eat another bullet " . We continued to tap rubber for another four years but we did not earn $ 100 any more . We earned only $ 75 as a smaller family . When I was old enough , I was taken by my father to work in a car workshop . I learned everything possible about cars . I worked and was paid in meals until I was 18 . But I was extremely happy learning from my master . My brother and sisters continued to tap rubber for $ 50 a month and went to school whenever they could . Poor people did not go to school everyday . It was tolerated at that time . We continued to live in the small hut in the rubber garden . When I was given a hut next to the car workshop , I moved my frail mother to be with me . My younger sister who was 17 was married off to quite a good guy , My other younger siblings were sent to another school nearer the town because by then there was a bus service . We paid just a few cents because the bus driver knew about my mother 's condition and I was the only person earning for the family besides my father . My father was earning enough only to provide some food and clothes for the Chinese New Year and the different festivals . Once in a while he would bring back fish for the family to sell . But that did not happen every week . He was actually only given his meals on board the boat and not even a small salary . That was the kind of life in the early 50 's . But it did start my family off , thanks to my mother and my father . My brother and sisters are very tough people . We are all able to take the bitterness of life and to struggle for the sake of our children . The early training in discipline , work ethics , honesty , the fear of God have really made us better people . Although we are already in our sixties and fifties now , we are still very close as a family . My frail mother passed away many years ago . My father is still alive . I have to thank my great mentor my master mechanic who inspired me to work hard and learn to read from the manuals . I really have to thank him for the luck that came my way . His hut was our home for many years . It was the home I brought my bright young bride to . I continue to believe in God and his divine intervention . I was born into a poor family . My parents worked on five acres of land , which was gifted , to my grandfather by the Rajah . On this rubber land , they tapped rubber to support the family . When the family grew larger , they had to rent rubber trees from the Ibans . Besides in order to have rice they also had to rent payah ( rice ) land . For every acre of land , my parents had to pay rent in kind which amounted to l gunny sack of rice per acre . In spite of the family 's efforts , we were still extremely poor . I did not wear shoes until I was in Form One . In fact all the primary school students who were at Kai Dee School at that time were barefooted . When we worked in the rubber garden or padi field we wore clothes made from the cotton flour sacks . I did not see any money until I was in Form One , when my parents put me in Chung Cheng Secondary School . But then I could not even bear to part with 5 cents to buy one meat bun at recess . I would look at the buns and swallowed my saliva . This was part of life then . I worked as a rubber tapper from the age of 6 . By 8 I was able to carry my own headlamp and tap an adult 's share of rubber trees . I stopped tapping rubber when I went to University . Naturally , when we were tapping rubber we were barefooted . We developed a wonderful grip on the rubber roots after a few years of tapping : none of us would slip from the roots , the ups and downs of the bumps . But we were often cut by the rubber seed pods which were very sharp or the rottan which crossed our paths . I cannot remember how much blood my siblings and I lost when we were cut accidentally . We just washed our wounds in the brown water from the stream , and carried on with our work . I don 't remember having plaster , band aid or even cotton wool in the early stages of my life . Large gashes in the feet or legs would put us at home for a few days . We would then tie a piece of rag on the wound . Our only antiseptic then was a very cheap version of alcohol , which was sold in a beer bottle and stopped by a cork . Processing rubber sheets required quite a skill . First of all I had to step on the coagulated sheet promptly to ensure that the sheet was a true rectangular . I was really the champion rubber mangling machine expert in my district because I could turn the machine with one hand and feed the rubber sheet in with the other hand . I could do the work of three persons . This quickness of hands was a very important asset . It helped me throughout life , in my studies , in my training and in my teaching . Life was full of pain , suffering and disappointments most of the time but on the other hand I feel that it was a blessing because I learned early in life what was right , what was wrong , what was important to us as a family . My father taught us all the good values in life while we were working with him . On the other hand , my mother taught us the value of money , frugality and simplicity . In order to make our dollar stretch further , my mother reared chickens , pigs , and ducks to supplement our income . We had a large vegetable plot too and every housewife in Lebaan had to do that . My father would fish in the river between works thus making it impossible for any relaxation whatsoever . Our dinner was very watery porridge with a little bit of peanuts and salt . Eating porridge helped us because our rice would last longer . One condensed milk tin of rice can make enough porridge for 7 people . But to cook rice for 7 people , one would need at least 3 tins of rice , thus rice would run out more quickly . One wonderful thing , which happened to us , was the fact that my parents forced us to go to school , which was in the afternoon . This timetable was tailored for all the children of rubber tappers . This was to enable us to help our parents in the rubber garden . By one o ' clock all of us kids were in school , sometimes still with latex sticking to our hair and neck . Today my feet are broad and tough , my toes all spread out which were almost unhuman . My shins still bear the cuts and wounds I suffered from both rubber tapping and rice planting . Very few people today would believe that I had such a life when I was younger . But all of us born in Lebaan would nod in agreement that we suffered ; that we survive and that we have been living an ethical and proper life one way or another . When I boarded the plane for London , my first thought was my own village of Lebaan and my parents . How I wished I could bring them along . I was going to London to study ! It was regarded as almost impossible for a rubber tapper 's son . And this time , I would see Kew Gardens , and the showroom for rubber trees ! ! ( This write - up is a result of an interview I had with my ex - colleague , Mr . Wong Siew Ping . He taught in Methodist School Sibu from 1981 - 1985 . He graduated with a science degree from the University of Science , Penang . Mr . Wong also holds a Masters Degree in Computer Science from the London University and is presently the Head of Department of Social Studies Department of the Rajang Teachers ' Training College , Bintangor . He is married with three children . His wife is a teacher in Sarikei . ) |
I 'm a longtime fan of Dan Savage , and religiously read his weekly Savage Love column and listen to his podcast . In his most recent column , he talks about a gay teenager , just 15 years old , who hanged himself in a barn after being taunted by his classmates . His mother found him . Although teenage suicide is a problem for straight and gay alike , according to Dan Savage 's article , " gay teens are four times likelier to attempt suicide . " One thing I like about Dan Savage is that if he sees something he doesn 't like , he actually goes about trying to change it . He says in the column that he wished he 'd had just 5 minutes to talk to this kid , to tell him that being gay in high school is painful , to tell him that it gets better . So he launched a YouTube channel called It Gets Better , which has short clips from gay adults all around the country , talking about how much better life after high school can be . Dan and his partner Terry submitted their own video , posted here . It 's a touching video for so many reasons . To see two people in love , to see them raising a child they both clearly adore . To see their families accepting them for who they are . I was so touched and so moved by watching this video that I wanted to share it . I don 't know if anyone even reads this blog any more , but if you are , and you know a teenager who is gay and who is struggling , please pass this along , regardless of your politics . Day 6 or so of snowmageddon , snowpocalypse , SMOWMG ! or whatever we 're calling this ( snowverkill is a recent favorite ) . I have never seen this much snow . And yes , I did live for a year in Northwest Wisconsin . I managed to escape the house yesterday and get downtown while there was still partial bus service . Unfortunately bus service stopped while I was downtown , but luckily the metro got me a little over a mile from home . Normally a walk in a blizzard at night wouldn 't be my top choice of things to do , but just being out of the house felt amazing . Snowed in again today , though . Nowhere to walk as the streets and sidewalks are now mostly impassible . I went and shoveled earlier to get a head start on tomorrow . Getting a lot of work done , a lot of reading , some cooking . It was fun at first , but to be honest , I 'm starting to go a little stir - crazy . Well , maybe more than a little . Class had an interesting start tonight . As Andrew and I walked towards our classroom it smelled increasingly like smoke . When we arrived , we immediately saw why . An untended candle sat on the desk , amidst a shrine of highly flammable objects , such as paper flags , flowers and pictures . This candle was accompanied by a message on the chalkboard , written in giant , all - caps scrawl : " THOU SHALT NOT EXTINGUISH THE ETERNAL CANDLE OF THE FRANCISCAN MONKS ! " This candle had apparently been burning for a long time . It was a pillar candle , housed by a plastic container , and the plastic had started melting into a brown , corroded mess , curling over on itself . Melting plastic , by the way , is not a good smell . So on the one hand , we have a fire hazard , but on the other hand , we have a " thou shalt not " . It 's been a while since I 've been given an actual edict , and in all honesty , I didn 't know what to do . The non - profit school that I teach for is housed by ( but not affiliated with ) a Catholic Church . So despite my lack of religiosity , I wanted to respect the fervor of the person who had constructed this odd shrine . In the end , I went downstairs to consult the evening volunteer coordinator . As soon as the word " candle " was out of my mouth , Steven responded with , " Oh HIM again . I 've told the church they need to put a stop to this ! " We trooped back upstairs where Steven took a picture of the chalkboard edict and the ruined candle , blew the candle out , and opened a window . All was well , but somewhere in the back of my mind I felt a little guilty for extinguishing the flame that this undoubtedly strange person cared very much about . Sounds like a bad name for a band , but in fact , it was the recent state of the toilet in my master bathroom . My house has old toilets , and the one in the master bath is especially ancient . There were stains in the bottom of the bowl that no amount of scrubbing would get out . I didn 't mind the stains so much , but guests use the toilet all the time and it just looked unclean to me . In a bout of frustration , I told my handywoman that I wanted a new toilet . Instead , she recommended that I clean it using Coke . Here 's what I did . Step 1 : Turn the water off under the toilet by turning the valve clockwise . Step 2 : Flush the toilet . Step 3 : Remove the remaining water from the bowl using a plunger . Step 4 : Dump 2 liters of coke in the toilet . Step 5 : Wait 48 hours , leaving something very obvious on top of the toilet so you don 't accidentally use it in the middle of the night . Step 6 : Turn the water back on and flush the toilet . Step 7 : Scrub the bowl with any old toilet scrubber . I 'm thrilled to say that I now have a bowl free of stains ! Apparently the stains were just calcium deposits , and Coke has so much acid that it naturally breaks down the calcium . I admit that I doubted this would work , for 2 reasons . The first reason is that it seemed too easy and too cheap to fix a problem that had been bugging me for a year . The second reason is that I didn 't want to believe that something many of us drink on a regular basis could be an excellent cleaning agent due to its acid content . Nevertheless , for something like $ 2 , I have a nicer looking toilet and a bathroom that smells vaguely like Coke . Success ! During my teaching , I 'm often fascinated to learn what sounds are difficult for non - native English speakers to make . It varies by their own native language , of course , but this particular class is 100 % Central or South American so all the students seem to trip up on the same sounds . Today 's lesson was about health problems . I had great fun pantomiming having a cold , the flu , a fever , various broken bones etc . One of the maladies in the workbook was a toothache . When I was listening to the students try to pronounce that word , I kept hearing something more like " tootsache " . I don 't know much Spanish , but given the trouble they were all having I had to assume that that sound just doesn 't exist . So I sat there for a second and tried to figure out just how one makes that " th " sound . In order to get it , you really have to start with your tongue between your teeth . Anything else creates that " s " sound I was hearing . Also , there is actually no vocal noise generated at all . The sound is made exclusively with the mouth ( at the end of a word , anyway ) . Thinking through the mouth positions and sounds of a word was an interesting exercise , and it allowed me to describe to the students how to make their mouth so the sound came out right . Not everyone got it , but some students picked it up right away . I had them repeat it over and over - ostensibly for practice , but mostly because I was really excited that they got it and I wanted to be certain I wasn 't just hearing things . I 've had an incredible experience so far with the teaching , and little episodes like this are part of what fuels the enjoyment . When these students walked into the class , they knew how to say hello and that 's about it . Watching their progress is just so much fun . Being part of their progess is fun , too . My new neighborhood is bordered on all sides by Rock Creek Park . Rock Creek park is one of the primary reasons that DC is at the top of the list for the most green area for a big city . Map of DCYou can see from the map above just how huge that swath of green is that runs up the center of the city . I 'm fortunate enough to live near this park , and have recently fallen a bit in love with it . For the first time in a long time , I really look forward to going on runs . So many beautiful trails , in the shade of the trees . Amazing how much nicer it is to run on dirt - packed paths among thousands of trees than out on the pavement among thousands of cars and stoplights at every corner . It helps that nearly every time I go for a run , I have the great pleasure of stopping to watch the deer . Today , it was 3 beautiful bucks , so close I could see the softness of their velvet antlers . The other day it was 2 fawns , out with their mothers . Maybe some day I 'll grow accustomed to the sight , but for now , I feel this great affinity for them . It 's somehow magical that they appear in the midst of this crazy city . I have been spending a lot of time in my garden lately . This is a somewhat recent phenomenon that took place after I realized that my yard looked worse than the yard of the house next door . I know I shouldn 't worry about " keeping up " with the neighbors too much . It 's just that the house next door is actually abandoned . So it was bad . I have grand plans for my back yard . It 's big by DC standards ( i . e . it exists ) and there is plenty of room for a patio and a vegetable garden . The problem is that my grand plans are expensive , and time consuming , requiring the two resources that I have the least of at the moment . Which honestly , is fine . I have other things to worry about . But , I didn 't want to go an entire season feeling bad about buying small quantities of herbs from Whole Foods at exhorbitant costs , and then chucking the rest after I used my 1 tablespoon . So my compromise was to try to tame the jungle , and to plant just a few things for the season to see how it went . I had a little area dug out to plant some herbs and also one zucchini plant , one squash plant , and one tomato plant . The rest of the yard is currently a combination of grass , weeds , and conglomerations of bushes that look to be a synthesis of an original plant , a weed that grew to strangle said plant , and then another weed that grew to strangle the original weed . Over the past couple of weeks , I have been slowly trying to tackle and conquer one small section of the yard at a time . If I can maintain the work I 've done , and keep adding sections , by 2011 I should have the yard totally under control . Which is probably when we 'll be just about to tear it up to put in my dream yard . Honestly , I can easily see why people just hire someone to do this . I spend hours a day in the hot , hot sun , getting eaten by mosquitos , doing deep knee bends . ( Who knew gardening was such a good workout ? ) And yet , there is something personal going on here . It 's war . And I want to win . It 's satisfying , too , to see what a good pair of hedge trimmers and tiny arm muscles can accomplispost a comment For non - computer geeks , ! = means " not equals " . Tights do not equal pants . I saw this statement on a shirt the other day , and I burst out laughing . It was undoubtedly in response to the recent fashion trend where women wear just tights , and a shirt or sweater just barely long enough to cover the things that are important to cover . I am not a fan of this trend , as it really does seem indecent to wear only tights . But , at one point in my life , I was a huge fan . In fact , it 's possible I started this trend . I must have been about 8 years old . One day I came downstairs after getting ready for school in what I thought was a perfect outfit . I was wearing my favorite sweater at the time - a purplish - magenta sweatshirt dotted with two - inch puffy penguins . On my legs were a pair of black gymnastics tights . Upon seeing this outfit , my mom , thinking that I was just forgetful , reminded me that I needed to go put on pants of some sort . It was the 80 's , I 'm sure a jean skirt or jean shorts would have sufficed . But I was stubborn , and I refused to change . After a bit of back and forth , my mom gave in , and sent me out the door , wearing just tights and a purple sweater that covered the things that were important to cover . Once at school , the teasing began almost immediately . The two most popular girls in the school - popular because they were twins AND pretty AND older than I was - were the first to start in . Perhaps it wasn 't teasing . Perhaps it was mere curiosity . " Rachel , why aren 't you wearing any pants ? " My retort to that was elegant , and though I don 't remember my exact word choice , it was something like " Why are you wearing a shirt with shapes on it ? " ( which she was ) . In my embarrassment , it was the best I could come up with . I spent the rest of the day fielding questions . I also spent the rest of the day feeling ridiculous . Salvation came after school , though . I went to an after - school program a few times a week called Kids Club , where we did our homework and played lots of fun games . That particular week was gymnastics week , s3 comments | post a comment I made crepes for the first time tonight . I had previously feared them , and thought of them as something only an experienced cook would undertake . It turns out they 're really quite simple . The simplicity starts with the ingredients - there are only 5 , all of which I had on hand : flour , milk , eggs , oil and salt . You basically just mix everything thoroughly together and then let it chill for a bit . Cooking the crepes was slightly more complicated . You basically have to put barely enough batter in a hot pan and swirl it to cover the bottom completely . That part took some getting used to , and it was pretty easy to spot my first attempts given the misshapen appearance . The next step is just to turn the crepe over . The turning was much , much easier than I thought . I am awful at turning things . Even fried eggs - which should be easy - end up folded in half when I try to flip them . But crepes are different . The batter coats the pan so thinly that it 's practically finished cooking when you go to turn them over . So it 's not like an egg where everything is slipping around when you try to turn it . They hold together pretty well too . Tonight 's recipe was for savory crepes . I filled them with asparagus , swiss cheese , and ham , and topped with a mustard sauce . It was a rich but good meal . Next time I want to try sweet crepes . A local restaurant serves the most delicious lemon and sugar crepes . If I could replicate them at home I would be in heaven ! And the best part about the meal ? No fires this time ! Whew . This weekend was outstanding for 3 primary reasons : 1 ) We got rid of 40 boxes that were just sitting around , gathering dust ( literally - our place is still quite dusty ) . 2 ) I finished and filed my taxes . 3 ) 30 Rock had a new episode which Mark and I watched on my computer . And onto the very small fires . Tonight I decided to try this quesadilla recipe which sounded good . The recipe called for broiling the quesadillas . I hadn 't tried the broiler in my new oven yet so I thought this would be a good opportunity . And as I 'm sure you can guess from the subject line , my food caught fire . Twice . The sad part is , we just scraped the ashes off the food and ate the quesadillas anyway . I couldn 't bring myself to throw away that much melted cheese . Lately I have found myself wondering what Miss Manners would say about certain situations . For example , last night Mark and I were at a play . In the row behind us , some teenage kid - no doubt dragged there by insistent parents - was texting or playing games on his cell phone for the entirety of the show . At one point he actually dropped the phone and it made a clatter . The texting didn 't bother me per se , other than the minor distraction of a faint bluish glow seen out of the corner of my eye . But the fact of it bugged me . Where were this kid 's parents ? Why weren 't they reprimanding him ? Who thinks it 's appropriate to go to a play and do this ? In the end though , I realized that my indignance at the matter was only affecting me . I was the one who was sitting there irritated , letting this minor situation detract from what was an excellent play . He was happy as a clam , ignorant of everything around him . I 'm not sure how to reconcile the feelings though . When people break tacit ( or explicit ) social contracts , I get frustrated . We 're in shared space here , and people need to learn to respect that space ! And yet , telling someone " you 're being rude " is hardly polite in and of itself . It makes me feel like a nag and a stickler that I even care . And yet I feel that these social contracts are important . I don 't care what people do behind closed doors that doesn 't affect me . Anyway , the bottom line is that I need to either politely say something to someone or let it roll off my back . I don 't want to let some 15 year old get under my skin . Life is too short ! I just finished Amy and Isabelle , by Elizabeth Strout , for one of my book groups . Strout is quickly becoming one of my favorite authors . The book started out a bit slowly but by the end I kept looking at the shrinking number of remaining pages with sadness . Like some of my other favorite authors , Strout writes about the tiny little lives of everday people . I love her characters . I love that they 're frail and human and not at all cliched . There are no bad guys and good guys - just people who contain both . And her writing is beautiful . It has that natural quality where nothing feels forced . Every sentence just seems exactly so , and that it couldn 't have sounded right any other way . I 'm happy to find another author I 'm excited about , and whose books I haven 't read all of already ! Well Mark and I aren 't really connected to the national political scene in DC , so we didn 't even bother trying to get tickets to any of the official inaugural balls . However , we did snag some tickets to an after - ball party which I happily attended because they were serving dessert AND breakfast at the same time . It was at the Georgetown Club in DC which is an absolutely beautiful building , and much bigger than it looks from the outside . We had fun . I made Mark dance for one song , we ate lots of good food , and we ended up talking to a really nice couple from Detroit for a while . During our chat , someone came to sit down at the next table over and the guy we were talking to said " Hey Star how are you doing ? It was great seeing you last night blah blah . " I just zoned out because I didn 't know the person . Except , I did know the person . It was Star Jones , maybe best known for her time on The View . It just took me a full minute to realize who she was . And I know this is strange to say but I was kind of surprised she was human . It 's like , you see these people all over the internet and magazines and you forget that they 're real people . She looked EXACTLY like she does on TV . I was surprised that she didn 't look any different . Anyway , we don 't get too many celebrities around here and if we do I certainly never hobnob with them so I was entertained by the experience . This morning Mark and I headed downtown at about 6 : 40 to join in the inauguration madness . Our plan was simple . Get into the parade route . From there , walk to Fogo de Chao where our fundraiser luncheon was . Watch the entire procession in a warm place with all - you - can - eat food and clean restrooms . After lunch , watch a bit of the parade , since the restaurant was literally on the parade route . Return home . Oh , the best laid plans ! Here 's what actually went down . . . We started off our day with my co - worker Winifred and her friend Val who were down visiting from New Jersey . They were traveling downtown with us but then heading off towards a special area for actual ticket holders ! Happily , we live about 40 yards from a bus stop that was on a " power bus route " for getting people downtown for the inauguration . This was great news as it made travel exceptionally easy . We hopped on the first bus we saw , which surprised me . I had sort of expected to have full buses pass us by before we were able to get on one . In any case were off to a good start ! Once downtown , Mark and I split off from Winifred and Val and we made our way towards one of the many security checkpoints . On the way in , we saw tons of Obama pariphrenalia for sale , everything from calendars to full sweat suits . One vendor was selling something called " O - BAM - AHH Energy Stix " , which they were advertising from the back of a decked out Hummer . I thought that was a pretty bad choice of vehicle to be peddling anything related to " energy " from . They were not doing a brisk business . We also saw lots of protests and signs for various causes . Most notable were people advocating shutting Gitmo down . They were dressed in orange jumpsuits with black masks completely covering their faces . I think that was a good idea for them since it was very cold out . The temps were in the 20s at that point but the wind knocked them down into the teens . Having a full face mask would have been great . Anyway , it struck me as a bit odd that these folks were down there advocating for something tha2 comments | post a comment My normal put - your - hands - over - your - head - while - someone - feeds - you - water - for - 10 - seconds hiccup trick doesn 't always work when I 'm alone . Today I tried to use a trick I saw online where you kind of drink out of the back of the glass . The good news is it worked . The bad news is I somehow poured it through my sinuses and water started pouring out my nose . I don 't think I 'll be using that technique again , despite it 's efficacy . Mark and I took our first run from our new house . It quickly turned into a run / walk when my knee started bothering me . I have a long way to go to get back into shape . We ran through our neighborhood a bit and ended up near a tennis stadium and huge park area . It was nice to be outside despite the somewhat brisk weather . I never do too well with New Year 's resolutions . I guess if something is important enough for me to change I try to do it and don 't wait until January 1 . But there is something psychologically different about beginning a new year . It 's tempting to want to turn over a new leaf , or perhaps several new leaves . My main goal this year is to do less . I want more unstructured time . Not sure how an old house needing lots of love fits into that plan but I guess we 'll see . Anyway , off to Lowes to pick out tile , lighting , toilets and perhaps appliances . Today was pretty normal . I even got outside to go for a 10 minute walk , the first " exercise " I 've attempted since moving . I just wandered a bit through our new neighborhood , which is nicer than I thought . Our place is definitely the smallest I 've seen in the area , but that 's just fine with me . There are some really beautiful old homes , and a couple of embassies . There are also an inordinate number of churches in the neighborhood . I don 't think this period of normalcy is going to last long . Mark already asked me to schedule a day next week where they 'll cut the electricity to the house completely . Luckily I have the special wireless card that lets me be online anywhere . In theory I 'll have a new kitchen in a couple weeks . And perhaps some insulation too . And a patched roof . And lots of new electrical wires and pipes . I 'm hoping some new non - leaking toilets as well . Lots going on ! I went downstairs tonight to look at the shell of my new kitchen . It 's all just wood framing and wires . I actually love it a little . It 's so neat to see the guts of it and to watch it all coming together . I wish I knew how to do some of this myself . Once the kitchen is done and we take a little break I want to tackle a smaller project that we can do ourselves . I 'm thinking the laundry room might be a good place to practice . Someone broke into my car last night and tried to steal it . They ripped off all the ignition casing . Thankfully they were unsuccessful . But we were supposed to leave for Cleveland an hour ago and now I have to wait for AAA to come tow it to my dealer . Ugh . It 's a bit crazy around here . Finally have most of the office set up , including working internet and phone ! Got settled in to work at a decent hour , only to have the electrical cord leading to my office cut in the process of having a wall demolished . The wall happened to be between my bedroom and the office , which are the only two habitable rooms upstairs . Today was a loud day . A few interesting things we 've discovered as we 've been going through this process : - We found the original kitchen floor underneath about 5 layers of linoleum . - There is no subflooring upstairs . So when you are in the demoed kitchen and look up , you actually see the planks of hardwood floors laid directly on the beams . - The ceiling in the basement is about 1 foot higher than we thought , putting it at least 7 feet . We might not need to dig down after all ! I have been referring to this process as an adventure . I am covered with dust about 100 % of the time and when I want to leave the room I have to exit through lots of plastic sheeting . Finding a random item is like going on a treasure hunt . Sometimes I catch myself complaining , but really it 's not too bad . My cats are adjusting to this well . Landon , who used to run and hide when the vacuum cleaner turned on , merely looked annoyed today as someone banged on metal hard for about 2 minutes straight to the point where my ears were ringing . Landon has also discovered what radiators are and she likes curling up as best as she can on top of them when they 're warm . I tried to copy her yesterday but I didn 't quite fit ! I meant to post about this a few weeks ago but life has been a bit hectic and I 'm only finding time now . " Now " happens to be in La Quinta visiting my Dad and Debbie . I am catching up on some work while half - watching Oprah . Anyway , I blogged about my Costa Rica trip on the last day of my trip , thinking that I wouldn 't have anything left to say about it , since all I was doing the following day was travelling to the airport and flying back to DC . That day turned into a 36 hour adventure , which warrants its own entry . The day started with a 5 + hour drive from Nosara to San Jose . The distance between the two cities is probably only 150 miles , but the roads are bad for part of it , and there is also a pretty long section of 1 lane highways through hilly regions , where you end up in line behind massive trucks . Christie accompanied me part of the way , and in Nicoya she got off at the bus depot and I continued on my way . Pretty soon after leaving her , I got pulled over by the Costa Rican police . I was travling 90 k / hr in an 80 k / hr zone . 6 miles / hour over the speed limit ! The police offer didn 't speak English , and I didn 't speak Spanish , but we each had enough language and hand gestures between us to resolve the issue . He asked for my passport and conveyed to me that I owed about $ 100 . I wasn 't traveling with that kind of money and I indicated that to him . He informed me that if he registered the ticket , I wasn 't going to be able to leave the country without paying the fee to the bank of Costa Rica . I figured that was fine , that I could take care of it at the airport . But he said the bank in closed on Sunday . In other words , I wasn 't going to be able to leave Costa Rica that day . It 's a good thing that crying is crying in any language , and I 'm not ashamed to say that I burst into tears . I have NEVER gotten out of a ticket in my life by crying . I 'd like to think I saved up all my karma so that someday in Costa Rica when I couldn 't speak the language and I had a flight leaving in a few hours , and I was closing on a house about post a comment |
Lost rental car keys ? Take a bus . ( There is great , free transportation from the Disney hotels to the park , it was actually easier than driving ) Bag too heavy ? Rent a stroller to carry it . Kids too tired ? Trade that single stroller in for a double and push those kids around , remembering to call it a carriage , NOT a stroller . Who cares if they are " too old " to be in one , it made the day much more pleasant for us all , and those strollers glide so easily , that it was no problem for me to manage it . It was actually more convenient to have the girls seated together as the day progressed and the crowds grew larger and larger and larger and larger . Crowded restaurants at lunch time ? Find a kids ' zone to color in and wait til it clears . Patience and distractions got us through wait times , along with a bag full of snacks , and water bottles . We took breaks and kept it as chill as we could . We arrived early to our scheduled events , like our dinner at Cinderella 's castle , and read books or played games on ipads to rest up before the party started . For the " Wishes " fireworks show , we found a cozy spot with a family chock full of little girls nearby and hung out for an hour before the show began , for a perfect view , enjoying just BEING there , while making friends . Our sidewalk neighbors were Muslim ( I 'm guessing on this ) and didn 't speak English , I 'm not sure where they were visiting from , but I got a kick out of watching Dewdrop befriend them , even with a language barrier . They were joined by a couple Hispanic girls behind us , and it became a little United Nations of princess talk and giggles . One trick I regret not using on this trip , was watching the parade from Frontierland instead of Main Street . It begins in Frontierland and the crowds are much smaller there . We didn 't have a good view this time , and it was my own fault for not getting to a good spot early . Because it is hard to see the show if you haven 't staked out a place ahead of time . I plan ahead as much as I can to make the most of the time , but we leave plenty of space for just plain old sightseeing , hanging out , and rolling with the day . We spent the entire day in Fantasy Land and Tomorrow Land , without seeing a single other area , and didn 't care . So what if we didn 't see it all in one day ? My biggest tip for a good day at the park is to make the most of fast passes and use the Disney park ap on your phone to keep them updated , as you use them up , you can book more . Also you can check wait times on all rides so you know where you can get in quickly without waiting for crowds . We never waited more than 10 - 15 minutes throughout the day , unless we were purposely taking a break . And if you can 't get reservations for the meals you want , keep trying . Even during spring break 's larger than usual crowds , we were able to dine at Cinderella 's Castle as well as in Belle 's . Both were full up when I first checked , but I made a point of looking online for openings periodically the month before we left and eventually , spots opened up both places we wanted to go . ( okay , I admit that I was a bit obsessed with that , and some days , I checked the dining reservation site 5 times a day ) Another tip that I found helpful was dressing the girls alike . I dread the day they won 't let me do this anymore , because it sure makes it easier to find them in crowds . I always make sure I am wearing something colorful myself , so they can spot me easily too . When they get too sophisticated for twin outfits , maybe we will all chose a family color to wear when we go to zoos or amusement parks . I have never splurged on taking the girls to the Bippity Boppity Boo salon , but I do buy them each a new dress for our visits . Kohls has the cutest Disney lines of clothes , and with their sale prices , I got two dresses from the Beauty and Beast collection that will be worn over and over and over for much less than I 'd have paid for a gown from the salon . And I knew the girls would be comfortable for the day . Some of those gowns that are sold in the park are too flimsy to be warm in the early mornings and after dark , but look hot in the middle of the day when the sun is out . We went on St Pat 's day , and I checked out the Dollar Spot at Target before we left for some light up necklaces and crowns to celebrate in an affordable way . We also packed glo - sticks from the dollar store to give us some sparkle once night time came . If you want to get into the park early to get decent photos of the castle before Main Street becomes shoulder to shoulder traffic , you should go early and be there when it opens ( or before ) . We were lucky that the Extra Magic Hours ( a free hour to go early or stay late at a park ) happened to co - inside with Magic Kingdom that day . Sometimes the park that has the Magic Hours isn 't the one you have tickets to , they change daily . And you have to stay at a Disney hotel to get that free hour . We had no waits at all for Winnie the Poo , Small World , and the merry go round , all in about 35 - 40 minutes or so . We even rode Small World twice . And you are welcome for the gift of that song in your head for the rest of the day , it is still in mine , we rode it later that day too . Twice . Yes , it will be in my head til the end of time after that , but I kinda like it , so didn 't mind . The operator stopped the ride to talk to these two after they were caught showing off their circus skills as the ponies went round and round . And funny enough , they hold the ride up for a LONG time talking to the kids , they didn 't simply tell them not to do it , or to get off . I was surprised by the length of the lecture . Or did it just seem like it was forever because they were all pointing to me in the crowd as the reprimand was going on ? This was the first time we used the Disney dining plan , we chose " quick service " which is the lower end one . And we were not able to use it for the upper priced meal at Cinderella 's castle , so we had extra meals on it . The quick service plan was honored at Belle 's castle tho , and the meal even came with this bonus tray of pastries . We also shared two meals three ways a couple of times . And didn 't really buy much in the way of snacks . So , was purchasing the meal plan worth it ? Well , it ended up being so for us , because we met up with Dewdrop 's mama the day after we went to Magic Kingdom and I paid for them to go to Animal Kingdom together , and the credits on the meal plan carried over for them to use . The points were good until midnight the day you check out of the hotel and could be used at Disney Springs too . Sugarwings and I went there to hang out , had some dinner , and bought snacks to go to use up some of the credits . We ate caramel apples at our beach hotel for the next couple of days . But for just one adult and two little fairies , for just two days , it wouldn 't have been a good deal , it was too much food for the three of us . I don 't know if I 'd do it again or not . Check out was at 11 , and we were able to get a later one , ( request a later check out upon checkin , don 't wait ! ) so we spent time at the pool at our hotel , then spent the rest of the day at Disney Springs , seeing Beauty and the Beast and having dinner . That gave us an extra day to use up the meal plan , and we shared it with Dewdrop 's mama , but it was still hard to finish up all of the credits without stuffing ourselves . Here is something I learned about the dining plan we were on . 10 years old is ADULT PRICED ! But - when I used the dining plan , it wasn 't divided up between " adult " or " child " meals . There were two credits each , each day for just a meal , plus snack credits and a refill cup good for use at the hotel only , but it was great for refilling with ice water - free at any counter service restaurant . We could order two adult meals and split them three ways , and could order the highest priced meals on the quick serve menu . BUT - you have to purchase a meal plan for each person in your hotel room . So , the only way I see doing this again would be if I had two separate hotel rooms , and we shared a meal plan somehow . Or once the kiddos are older and eat more , it would be worth it . For now ? Not for us . We stayed at one of the " value " priced hotels and it ended up being the favorite of any we 'd been at . At least from the kiddos point of view . ( I 've stayed at the Animal Kingdom resort with my sis , Terry , and I can 't say any hotel anywhere is better than that one ! ) This one , Art of Animation , was over the top gaudy , bright , fun , and full of 3 story high characters the kids love . So , it was an ideal choice , was much less expensive than any of the other hotels I 've stayed in there , and it made the grand fairies VERY happy . The pools were such fun that we wished we had more time to stay there . The hotel itself was a blast for the littles , although it might have been a bit much if my husband had come along . It was at least $ 150 less per night than the medium value hotel we usually go to ( Caribbean Beach ) . That alone was goodA tip I got from my sis , the Disney master ( Terry ) is to get a fast pass to see Belle 's tales . It is a cute , interactive play and every child gets to be in it , meet Belle , and get a free book mark . That is much more interesting than simply standing in line to meet a princess . If you do a character meet and greet or one of their meals , pick up a note book from the Dollar Spot at Target , or somewhere else with bargain prices so the kids can collect autographs . No reason to buy one for $ 10 or more at the park . And Target has Disney themed books that are every bit as cute . My girls saved the signature pages to make a scrap book with the photos I took of them meeting their royal friends . Here is another tip - pick up extra maps , they get torn up , lost , and fought over if you don 't . No reason to play tug of war with one if there is an unending supply . Another activity to keep busy between rides is Pin Trading . The grand fairies like doing it so much , they even traded back and forth with each other all day . We had the best time with our stay . I wish it could be longer , I 've never taken the little ones when we could go to the park more than one day , the timing just never works out for us . This time , we had an afternoon and evening at the hotel , then a day at the park , and another night at the hotel , then a late check out . We probably could 've squeezed in one more day at a park before driving to the beach to meet up with my husband after checking out of the hotel . But , as tempting as it was , I knew I 'd be exhausted if I spent another day in one of the parks , then had a two hour drive to get to our beach hotel afterwards . Hanging out at the pool and at Disney Springs for a couple of hours was ideal for us , plenty more Disney fun , and no more ticket purchases . There are a lot of fun things to do in the area without buying a ticket . These are all tips that I 've learned after taking children a few times , and I know that I am in no way an expert . I just wanted to pass on some things I 've learned along the way . The origin of our trip to Florida was to drop off Dewdrop to her mommy for Spring break . It grew from there , with heading to Disney for a couple of days , to my husband and Sugarwings both joining me while I waited for the week to end and to pick up our littlest fairy after her visit . My husband travels a lot for business , and his points on Southwest add up fast . So , with the flying part free for all of us , we decided to make a special 10 days of Florida fun out of the trip . As I love to do when I visit a beach , especially my beloved , Siesta Key , I leave behind a thank you fairy after collecting shells during my stay . I wonder if anyone ever sees them ? I always hope a small child finds her and feels the joy I put into her . Have you ever flown a kite at the beach ? This was a first for us , but will be a tradition from now on . ( This is the yard of our condo , perfect for its beautiful views , and for providing space to play in , far enough away from the Gulf that I don 't have to worry about Sugarwings being tempted by the water ) The first day , I had my eye on this umbrella that the wind had taken up into the brush . It was there all day , no one claimed it by dark , so I sent my husband through the scrub and sticker plants to scoop it up for Sugarwings to play under . It was slightly broken , I guess the original owners didn 't want it . ( We did leave it out in case someone was looking for it ) Their loss , our gain ! It was just what we needed for her to stay in the shade to play in the sand . We also purchased a couple of folding chairs , and that made the trip much more comfy , for sitting out by the water and reading . I don 't know why I 've been too cheap to do that in the past . Low beach chairs are about $ 10 - 15 at Walmart , and we could use them all week . It always seemed wasteful when I 'd thought about buying one in the past , but isn 't when I realized that when I go to other hotels that have chair rentals , I pay $ 25 for one afternoon to borrow them . Silly that I hesitated to purchase a seat for less than I 'd rent one . I might even buy an umbrella next time , since chances are we won 't be lucky enough to have one blow our way again . And it made the trip so much better for my grand fairy . Sugarwings was as dedicated to shell finding as I was . We bought her a boogie board , but the waves weren 't cooperating . She used it instead as a shell transport system , pulling it behind her as she searched for treasure in the shallow water and then placing them on the board to bring them back to shore . We didn 't have Dewdrop with us by the water , she was spending the week with her mama who lives in Sarasota . How lucky for me that I needed to deliver her on Spring break to my favorite city in the world ? ! We had a very laid back week , with some chilly temperatures that required jackets on the beach a couple of days , and I picked up a slight illness that slowed me down , while my poor husband had a horrid bought of the flu with on and off fevers . Still , if you aren 't feeling your best , where better to rest up and take it easy ? We sat by the water in our folding chairs , watched the waves and our pretty grand fairy . I 'll miss you , Siesta Key ! Posted by Karla Nathan on April 13 , 2017 at 08 : 56 AM in sea shell fairies , Travel | Permalink We like to stay at a place right on the sand , and while it isn 't fancy , it is my idea of a dream vacation spot . When my sisters and I stay there , we like to craft and look out the window at the waves . Sugarwings and I took it a step further and did our artwork out on the patio , listening to the ocean as we painted our view . We found a sea sponge on the beach to use in texturizing our pictures . It was just what I needed to paint the sand , along with a few splatters from a rough brush . Sugarwings got into the splattering too , I 'm glad we were using watercolors , or we might have had some issues with the management . . . . As it was , I had to ask her to do her splatters away from me , I was getting a few extra on my own painting . Same view , different angle , so that the small rise seems bigger , almost a hill . I worked from photos that taken on my ipad , and then propped up on the table to look at . I know there was a big ocean right in front of me , but I prefer using the photos . These are small , 9x12 " , and I 'm not sure what I 'll do with them . They are kind of small for the wall since they wouldn 't show up in detail from across a room . The size isn 't standard , I 'd have to custom frame them . They aren 't that good to spend too much money on getting them framed . . . so , I don 't know if I 'll spring for that . Maybe a standard frame with a custom cut mat is more affordable , then hang in a small area , like the bathroom ? They might just go into a scrapbook as a memory of a lovely time with my grand fairy at one of our favorite places . Posted by Karla Nathan on April 04 , 2017 at 08 : 17 AM in paintings , Travel | Permalink Over the years I 've developed some vacation traditions . One is that I wear this necklace with charms and a moonstone from my sisses every time I go to Florida . ( I also wear it when I 'm feeling homesick for family too ) It was also a quick trip . We arrived from the airport in time for lunch with a view of the sea , but then didn 't get to the hotel til after dark , because my husband had some visits to make . After breakfast the next morning , we quickly strolled along the beach at Clearwater , but didn 't have enough time to gather shells . I wish now that I 'd made the time , because that was the most perfect weather I 'd had that week . And there was a plethora of shells to be found . I shoulda , coulda , woulda stopped and snagged some if I 'd known how the next few beaches would go . . . . Jax proved to be barren of shells for the day , and it was COLD . Too cold to try to get enough together to make a sprite , because it might have taken hours to find what I needed . And for some silly reason , I 'd packed sandals and Ugg boots only . No shoes to wear , so my tootsies weren 't happy with a beach stroll . ( yep , my eyes are closed ) When I realized what they were seeing , I deleted the Facebook and Instagram pics . Ooops ! I showed it to a few more people and they agreed . Do you see the problem ? If not , I won 't mention it . Oh well , I had a chance of vindication at Charleston , right ? Nope ! It was beyond cold there . Too cold to even stand on the balcony and look at the beach , let alone walk down to it . And here is an edited version that I hope takes away the optical illusion ? ? Or should I just write her ( him ? ) off and delete all the photos ? It all made me feel sad , I adore making little sea shell girls and this time it just didn 't go well . Although , everyone I showed the photos too , got a huge laugh out of it . Sugarwings earns tickets for good behavior in her class and can use them for purchases at the end of the day . She 'd over heard me saying that I was sad about the shell fairy that I 'd made and that I couldn 't make another one . So , she used her tickets to buy some shells for me , and we made these three in the dining room at breakfast . There wasn 't a shell for the wings , so I cut up the tissue paper they came wrapped in . This year , we turned some black hats covered in sheer fabric into seawitch hats . I dyed them before I packed , and threw bags full of goodies into my suitcase for doctoring them up . ( witch - doctoring , I mean ) Once it was shell and flower laden , it wasn 't nearly as comfy . It tended to list to the heaviest side . So , not a good sun hat , unless I wanted to tie it on like a bonnet . There is something to be said for sitting in the sand and building stuff with it like a kid . I sure missed my grand fairies , while doing it , but sure had fun on my own . Posted by Karla Nathan on November 18 , 2016 at 08 : 52 AM in Travel | Permalink Of course , are there any BAD beaches on Florida 's Gulf coast ? I 'd be surprised . There are grains of sand in every type , and as much as I love the powdery , cool sand of Siesta , I enjoy wiggling my toes along other shores too . This fairy was made as a thank you to Turtle Beach , a little way south of where we stayed in Sarasota on Siesta Key . In the search for more shells than we 'd been able to pick up where we were staying , I looked online and saw that there was a slightly deserted area at Midnight Pass , south of Turtle Beach where shells were abundant , if you didn 't mind a bit of a walk . So , we drove to the end of the road , and took off walking along the beach , down the sand to what looked like the end of civilization and filled our bags with pretty shells . We also lost track of time , and realized it was getting late as we headed back . So we trudged through the sand back the way we 'd come . Then trudged some more . And I regretted my decision to not bring a water bottle thinking it was a pleasant day and we were only going on a short walk . ( Kind of like a 3 Hour Tour ) . We hadn 't picked a landmark when we left our car . So we kept on a trudging and tried to find where we 'd parked it . We were getting a little worried , tired , hot , thirsty and bug bitten by then . And then showed us the way through their condo complex , which was actually a side walk with yellow bricks that led to the road , which led us back a mile or more to our car . Much easier than walking through the sand . And much better than walking the wrong direction . Here is the co - inky dink part - I live in Kansas , and if you 've read my blog , you might have noticed that I 'm a big fan of Yellow Brick Roads and all that goes along with them . This guy who helped us lives in Florida , but was actually from a town nearby me in Kansas . And he told us that we 'd walked by Stephen King 's beach mansion down at the tip of the key . Well , it was Halloween week , and we 'd been totally immersed in " Fright Fest " on AMC , including a day long Stephen King marathon the day before ! Here we were lost in the dark , practically trespassing in the yard of the king of horror . But that wasn 't the end , as we finally neared our car , and thought the saga was over , we heard a terrible fight and a woman screaming for help in the clump of trees on the other side of the empty parking lot . We were in a isolated area , at night , creeped out and tired . But we called 911 and locked our doors , waiting for a policeman to come and save the poor screaming woman , whose cries stopped as a man drove off on a moped . We didn 't hear her after that , and hoped she was safe . The officer sent us on our way and went looking for her with a high powered flashlight . I hope she is okay . I tried to look up Sarasota 911 reports but had no luck . We went back to our happy , cozy , Siesta Key condo on the sand , hoping for the best for that poor woman who had screamed with such fright . And our own trek through the sand as we searched for our lost car in the dark for hours didn 't seem as bad any more . We were safe and I sure hope she is too . Isn 't this cute as a bug ? ? We got it so we could go to the performances that our kids do at festivals . I even hippy - ed it up with some swirly lights for the weekend that we were at Tri - Unity . It is small , only 16 ' , but with a canopy and a pop up tent out front , we had plenty of space . Will I fix it up ? I 'm not sure . After the big remodel job we just went through , redoing something isn 't feeling all that enticing right now . We 'll see after I recover . For now , it 's pretty cozy and nice inside . And when we will camp , we won 't spend much time inside . I know we didn 't this time . The grounds were beautiful , and the event was child friendly , with a cute area set up just for the little ones . And it was even prettier at night . During the days , there were workshops . I took the nature walk and learned about edible plants . You could learn to belly dance , hula hoop , fly through the air on a trapeze , meditate , drum , among a few dozen other classes . But the best part ? Time with family . And friends . I 'll leave you with some more pictures of the weekend , and will show you the circus performance in an upcoming post . Be prepared for lots of grammie style gushing over grand fairies ! Our trip to Orlando started with a drive to Cocoa Beach . Years ago , we started going there because it was the closest ocean access to Disney . Now , we go because we really like staying at the La Quinta by the pier . It isn 't a fancy hotel , but has a beautiful balcony view of the water , and is a comfy place . This year , Sugarwings was old enough to rent a boogie board . Kia and I mostly bopped up and down with the waves and played in the surf . She kept trying to catch tiny fish in her hands and actually managed to do it , too . I told her that she 'd be perfect to be stranded on a deserted isle with . She can catch fish bare handed , plus is a vegetarian and doesn 't eat them , they 'd all go to me . And our oldest teen ? She refuses to let sun touch her body . She is an expert at staying lily white . Which I wish I was at her age , then maybe I wouldn 't be so wrinkly and spotty . . . If you stay at one of the on site hotels , you get a free pass to skip most of the lines . Or you can buy one for EIGHTY NINE BUCKS . geesh ! Good thing we got free ones , because if I 'd bought those , I 'd have been sad , many attractions didn 't even have lines and we wouldn 't have needed them anyway . There were times I was very glad to have them , and they were helpful . And we were thrilled with the Hard Rock Hotel . My sweet husband , who is not a fan of Disney , puts up with a lot of princess foofala on trips , and since it was Father 's Day week , we thought he should have a place he would like to stay . It was one of the nicest places ever . The pool was ideal , Sugarwings and I hardly left it when we weren 't at the park . She participated in all of the poolside games and contests that she could . Avahnni even entered the hula hooping event . Sugarwings won the hula hoop water relay twice . So , when the DJ asked for adult volunteers , I figured that I 'd get up on the stage and maybe be in a water balloon toss , or something along those lines . I don 't sing . I can 't remember words to songs . I have no rhythm . I dance like Martin Short , if I 'm at my best . The other contestants were cute college girls , swaying to the music and holding up their cocktails . Girls who knew how to dance . When I was asked what genre of music I wanted , I requested " grandma music " . Maybe something from a cartoon or from the 70s ? I was given Disco . Oh no . I do not Hustle . Panic was setting in . Then , I looked around and realized that while there might have been 200 people there , Sugarwings was the only one I knew . So , I went for it . I went as silly and dramatic as I could . I let the Martin Short in me come out full strength in my dancing and that won the contest for me . It was a highlight of my trip . Thank god there are no photos . I still am surprised that was me , up there in front of the crowd in a swimsuit , dancing and being silly . My mom would 've loved it , she was goofy too . When Sugarwings started reading the Harry Potter books , I told her that I 'd take her to Universal to see Hogwarts when she finished them . Then , her Daddy married the mother of the biggest Harry Potter fangirl ever . So , we decided to change the trip to a " Welcome to the Family " vacation for the fangirl and her sister . We are lucky to have these two girls in our lives . They are smart , polite , talented , funny , sassy , and cute as can be . We love it that they are such good influences for Sugarwings and Dewdrop . Plus , I got a bonus trip to Florida out of the deal ! ! I 'm missing those seashells already . Tell me again , why do I live in Kansas instead of near a beach ? |
It 's the year 4200 . More than seven hundred years ago , Crystal Tokyo was destroyed in an as - yet - unexplained disaster . Queen Serenity and her Senshi died fighting a hopeless battle against the mysterious evil . All over the world , civilisation fell . Then , one hundred years ago , a great renaissance began . Today the city of Third Tokyo is the centre of a new world order ruled by the Serenity Council ( the " Serries " ) . Artemis survived the final battle , and now wanders the world with his young great - granddaughter Bendis , hoping that the Senshi will somehow be reborn once more . When Bendis accidentally speaks to a Serenity Council member , the Council begins a surreptitious hunt for her . Shortly after , Artemis and Bendis argue and split up . In a nearby school , Bendis finds that one of the students , McCrea Beth , is the new Sailor Venus : first of a new generation of Senshi . Bendis decides to handle it on her own , and begins to train Beth in a very eccentric style . Several days later Beth successfully captures a pair of gunmen staging a hold - up , but is shot in the arm in the process . Later , a security - camera recording of the event is shown on a national news program . Meanwhile Artemis asks an old friend to help find Bendis again : Hino Rei , once Sailor Mars , who somehow survived the final battle for Crystal Tokyo . Now powerless , she tries to avoid recognition , going by the name Pappadopoulos Itsuko , owner of the Olympus Gymnasium . However , Itsuko 's efforts to help Artemis draw attention and a secret investigation of the Olympus begins . At the same time , she starts to have visions suggesting that the evil that destroyed Crystal Tokyo is beginning to move again . The Council Chamber was not very large , or very grand . It was a simple room , with plain , undecorated walls . The only furniture was the table , shaped like a broken oval , and the chairs around it : fifteen of them , made of plain , varnished wood . This room was not designed for comfort . It was a place where people got things done . The Serenity Council was in session . It was an emergency meeting ; the urgency of the matter could be seen from the fact that most of them were dressed informally . Only two members were absent : the directors of ' A ' and ' C ' Divisions . But they were hardly required for this matter anyway . The chairman cleared his throat deliberately . He was a slight man , balding ; he wore heavy black leather gloves . A polished brass plate set in the table in front of him was marked with the number ' 1 ' . His voice was calm and precise as he said , " You 've all seen the recording , I assume . " The others around the table murmured in agreement . In truth , it would have been difficult not to have seen the recording . It was playing almost continuously on viddy channels all over Japan , and over much of the rest of the world as well . " The most important question , to begin with , is whether it 's real or not , " the chairman went on . " At the moment it 's not possible to answer that for sure . I understand that there 's a group working to enhance the recording , but I believe that may take some time … ? " Another councillor nodded : the director of ' K ' Division . " The Tenshin Institute have been passed a copy , " she said . " Their image - processing lab does a lot of work for ' D ' and ' S ' Divisions , so they 're discreet and reliable . " The ID plate set in the table before her was numbered Twelve . The chairman nodded slowly . " It will have to do , " he said . " In the meantime , we must consider the implications if … what the recording shows is genuine . If the Sailor Senshi are returning . " There was an uneasy stirring among the other councillors . " Aren 't we overreacting ? " wondered a tall thin man with bushy white hair . His ID plate was numbered Eleven . " This is probably a bad publicity stunt , or another impersonator . The real Senshi were killed when the palace fell in 3478 , after all . The children 's stories that they could return from the dead … you know who 're the only ones that believe that nowadays . " " True , " the chairman admitted . " But still , we can hardly afford to ignore the situation . Public opinion will force us to pay attention , if nothing else . " " Oh , tactical possibilities , " scoffed Fourteen , a stout woman with a broad , normally - cheerful face . " I 'd expect that from ' W ' Division . What are the tactical possibilities that we 're panicking over a simple hoax ? " " Enough , " said the chairman sharply . They fell silent . " We are not going to panic . We will conduct a careful , thorough investigation into the incident , and if - I say if - there is any evidence for concern , then we will … have a whole new set of priorities , as you are well aware . We will need to take appropriate measures . What we are here to do now is to consider what those measures might be . " There was a long pause . Then , " Surely it won 't be a problem ? " suggested a tall , dark - skinned man . " After all , they were all dealt with once before . " His ID plate was numbered Four . " ' Dealt with , ' " the chairman said with a chuckle . " I like that . But remember the cost of that dealing . The matter cannot be considered other than a failure . Crystal Tokyo was destroyed around them , and still they did not give in ; they had to be brought down , one by one . And in the end , all for nothing . It would be best if we could avoid a repetition of that . " " Oh , really , " said Fourteen . " You can 't mean - " She broke off suddenly ; her eyes widened . " You do , " she said . " Back then , they were easy to find , " mused number Ten , a sweet - looking old lady . " Everyone knew who the Senshi were . They were public figures . These days , things could be more difficult . " " We do have one lead , " pointed out another man , numbered Three . " The investigation that ' S ' Division is carrying out . An investigation , " he added dryly , " that has suddenly acquired a whole new urgency . " Three shook his head . " No results as yet . We 've had a great many responses from our agents , but it 'll take some time to follow them up . Frankly , I wouldn 't hold out much hope . Finding a human being can be hard enough . Finding a single cat that could be anywhere in Third Tokyo … that 's almost impossible . " Three shrugged . " Cat , Moon Cat … what does it matter ? Unless it speaks , there 's no way to tell the difference anyway . " Another councillor started to say something , but he waved her silent . " Oh , I know . There 's a moon - mark on its forehead . But we can 't emphasise that too much , or our agents will realise what we 're looking for . And who notices cat - fur markings , anyway ? " " The mark puzzles me , " said Twelve . " I thought the Moon Cats were supposed to have crescent - moon marks . But we were told this cat 's mark is a plain circle … ? " " How sure are we that there is a Moon Cat at all ? " demanded number Nine , a younger woman , at last . " We only have Fifteen 's word for it , and he 's … not exactly reliable . " Several councillors glanced at one of the two empty seats . " I think we can be absolutely certain that the cat is real , " put in Five suddenly . " After all , suddenly we have a Senshi to deal with as well . And we know that Senshi and Moon Cats go together . " " Circular reasoning ! " snapped Nine . " The Senshi is real ; therefore the cat is real . The cat is real ; therefore the Senshi is real . It could still be a hoax , remember . " The chairman sighed . " It would help , yes . Especially since he runs ' C ' Division . But we can 't afford the risk . His psych rating suggests he might not survive the process . Besides , we need to keep a couple of uninitiated in the Council , and he and Thirteen are all we have . " There was a brief silence as they all remembered their own initiations . Then Fourteen said , " We can at least narrow down ' S ' Division 's search . Where 's the charging station in that recording ? " Three nodded . " Quite possible - though we can 't afford to take that for granted , of course . But I 'll arrange to have the search intensified in that area . " The chairman nodded . " Good . " He looked over to number Nine . " You 'll be examining any results ' P ' Division find ? " She nodded . " Very well . Please pass them on to ' S ' Division as well . I think ' S ' may as well coordinate the investigation . " Nine looked irritated , but nodded again . " So , " said Five crisply . " I take it that our current priorities are to find the Senshi and the cat , if they exist . But then what ? Simply monitor them ? Or should we try to draw them out into the open ? That could be a popular move with the public - " " Too risky , " replied Three . " What if they decided they wanted a new Crystal Kingdom ? After all , we 're supposed to be ruling ' in the name of the Queen , until Her return . ' It might be difficult to tell them ' no . ' " " Don 't be absurd , " said Eight . " One Senshi , trying to rule alone ? Anyway , this is Sailor Venus . The only one with a claim to the throne would be Serenity 's heir - and that 's Sailor Moon . " " That 's enough , " said the chairman wearily . " The point is moot , in any case . We need more information to be able to make any kind of decision . I think we should reconvene when the enhanced recording is available , and discuss it again then . In the meantime " - he glanced at Eight - " you could consult the Archives . A better idea of what we 're facing would be useful . " Eight nodded . " Very well then . We 'll meet again tomorrow morning . " He sighed . " I 'll make some kind of press announcement later today . That should buy us a little time . " They all nodded . Most of them looked satisfied . As they filed out , the chairman caught Twelve 's eye . She blinked , but remained behind as the others filed out . " What 's up ? " she asked when they were gone . " Indeed . Vitrimorphs take some time to construct , don 't they ? So you 'd better start as soon as you can . We may need a number of them , if we really do have to deal with Sailor Senshi . " She froze suddenly . Her face went taut ; her eyes seemed to glaze over . She gave a little gasp in what might have been pain . The chairman watched patiently . Just as suddenly , the spell ended . Twelve sagged back , breathing hard , and wiped sweat from her forehead . " Yes , " she said . " I understand . " She nodded shakily . " I 'll need some … raw materials . " " Talk to ' J ' Division , " the chairman suggested . " I 'm sure they have plenty of warm bodies that nobody will miss . Jailbait , and the like . " Itsuko stifled a yawn as she turned the corner . She had never realised before just how many alleyways there were in the central district of Third Tokyo . Or how much they could resemble one another , especially when all she had to go on was a vague description . This was either the fourteenth or fifteenth one , she had lost count . She flashed her torch around . No people in sight ; so far , so good . " Artemis ? " she called softly . " Are you there ? " There was no reply . She took a few more steps , holding her breath . The torch in her hand was a comforting weight ; but the weapon in her other hand , the one she kept in her pocket , was more comforting . Poking around in dark alleys at night was about as risky a way of spending her time as she could think of . But anybody who tried to jump her would find her ready . She whirled , startled , automatically beginning to pull out her weapon . Then she saw him , and relaxed . Artemis stood a few metres away : a white cat with the moon on his brow , his head poking out of a pile of decaying old cartons . " About time , " she grouched . " Do you have any idea how long I 've been looking for you ? " He started to answer but she didn 't give him the chance . " No , never mind that . Artemis , you 've got to come with me . Something 's happened . " " No . Well … maybe . Look , you 've got to see this for yourself . I 'm not sure I believe it myself yet , but - oh , just come on ! " She reached forward , picked him up without ceremony - ignoring his startled yelp of protest - and ran out of the alleyway , her tiredness forgotten . As she ran she heard Artemis mutter , " You sure your name isn 't Minako ? " She snorted . Her car was a few blocks away . They drove back to the Olympus , making good time . Outside the central business district the streets were almost empty . A few minutes later they pulled to a halt in Itsuko 's private spot in the underground car park , two levels below ground . " You notice how she was moving ? The way she fought ? It 's real , all right , " Artemis snapped . " Bendis has been busy with that girl . " He sighed . " How on earth did she manage to find her ? That young idiot … two years old and she thinks she knows everything . Heaven knows what she 's been telling the girl … " Itsuko nodded slowly . " Enough to get her into trouble , at least , " she noted . " You saw she got shot ? " Artemis nodded . " Hard to tell how badly she was hurt . I 'm guessing it was just a scratch ; she looked all right when she did the Love - Me Chain . And … " She hesitated . " That 's odd , " she added thoughtfully . " That 's quite an advanced attack for a beginner . " " Not necessarily , " said Artemis , shaking his head . " People develop at different speeds . It 's a matter of aptitudes . Minako found the Crescent Beam easy , but it took her a long time to develop the Chain . But there 's no reason why this girl should take the same route . " " Mm … yes . " Itsuko grinned for a moment , remembering pink sugar hearts , then bit her lip . " Artemis - it 's going to start all over again , isn 't it ? Once one of them shows up , there 'll be more . " He nodded , and she winced inwardly . The Senshi were coming back ; the great cycle was turning once more . Ultimately that might be very good for the world , she knew . But for herself it would be different . It would be hard , very hard . Knowing that they were out there , using their powers , fighting … just simply being what they were . Artemis was looking at her sympathetically . He understood , she knew . It didn 't make it any easier . She had had so much - she had been so much - and what was she now ? An old , old woman , for all her eternal youth ; a woman who had seen too much , lived too long … who was tired of it all . She hadn 't really been alive for more than seven hundred years ; she 'd just been marking time . Standing still , going nowhere through all the centuries , as civilisation fell and rose around her . Waiting , hoping that somehow , if she endured for long enough , somehow things might change , that she might be able to get back what she had once had . " No . You were right . I told you I 'd given up hope , that it couldn 't start again . That it was all over . But you never accepted that , did you ? " She shook her head . " Even when you had no reason to believe , you never gave up . I thought I was being realistic . Maybe I should have had the courage to dream a little . " Now , things were changing indeed ; and she saw that her time was gone . The role was there once more , but for others to play . She would be banished to the sidelines , to watch while a newcomer took her place . It was a bitter pill to swallow . But then - " Don 't be too hard on yourself , " Artemis suggested . " After all , I 'm not exactly the one who succeeded , either . Maybe if I 'd spent a little less time preaching about how the good days would come again , and more time actually searching … " He gave a cat shrug . But then , she 'd swallowed a lot of bitter pills over the years , hadn 't she ? Itsuko drew a deep breath . She 'd been the strong one , the stubborn one , the one with the fire in her heart . The one to stare unflinchingly at the truth , however dark it might be . And … and just maybe … Just maybe it didn 't have to be so dark . Maybe she could still have a role to play , she thought with sudden hope . Because she 'd been there . She had the experience . She might be able to help them , guide them . Give advice . If there was to be a new Mars , she might be able to help with the training . After all , she knew the ropes . She laughed quietly . " Maybe this , maybe that … or maybe it 's simply that the time had come . " She shrugged . " We just have to deal with it the best we can , I suppose . It 's going to be very hard for them , you know , " she added , shaking her head . " The new ones , I mean . Trying to be Senshi in this day and age . They 're going to be mobbed . " " I know , " Artemis replied . " It 's going to be like it was for you , back when you revealed your identities to the world . You remember , when the crowds invaded the Hikawa shrine - " " Don 't remind me , " said Itsuko ruefully . " But that 's not what I meant . It 's more that - well , people remember the Crystal Millennium as a Golden Age . Hell , they almost worship the memory of Queen Serenity - " She groaned . " I know . I try not to think about it . I suppose it was inevitable , but oh , Artemis , poor Usagi - chan ! She hated all the adulation , but at least they never did that while she was still alive . " She shook her head . " But what I was trying to say was … the sort of people who 'd worship Serenity , how are they going to react to this ? What the newcomers go through … is going to be nothing like what we did . " " Oh , I 'm sure of it . But there may not be much we can do to prevent it . We 'll simply have to keep an eye on things … and do what we can to help them deal with it . " Now … we go out and we find that girl and save her from my crazy great - granddaughter before something horrible happens . " Artemis snorted a chuckle . " I don 't believe I 'm saying this , but I actually miss that kit . " He sighed . " Her … even her father … and Diana , and Luna . Gods , I miss Luna . " " So she did . But she still died . And we can 't afford to sit around reminiscing , or that girl out there might die bravely too . " Artemis ' tone became grim . " If the Senshi are reappearing , you can bet there 's a reason . There 'll be work for them to do , and probably not much time to get them ready for it . " She nodded . " Yes . And there 's no ' probably ' about it . I 've seen it . " And she told him about her vision in the fire . " Well , " he said at last . " Could be a lot better . But it could be a lot worse , too . " She raised an eyebrow and he added , " You didn 't see us all dying , at least . " " You don 't know that for sure . It could have been … no , never mind that now . " He paused , thinking . " All right ; the Great Fall is coming again . We always knew that could happen . But it doesn 't change anything ; we still have to find the girl , as quickly as possible . " " Right . It 's something to go on , anyway . We know the rough area where she appeared ; that , and her age , narrows down the list of schools to check . " Artemis yawned . " What time is it ? Oh , great . Well , I 'll grab two or three hours of sleep , and then get moving . " " Artemis , you just spent the last few days in an alley . Do you have any idea what you smell like ? I 'm not even going to mention fleas . " She gave him a distinctly nasty smile . " It 's time for a bath … " The school was abuzz with rumours when Beth arrived . Most students had not heard about the mysterious appearance of a Sailor Senshi the night before - the news had broken quite late - but they soon made up for the lack of facts with vivid imagination . When Beth herself walked in the gate she was intercepted by Nanako , who solemnly told her that a group of five Senshi had defeated an armed terrorist uprising , and that Queen Serenity herself was expected to be announcing plans for a renewed Crystal Millennium later that day . Beth blinked at that , not quite sure how to respond . She grew steadily more incredulous as , over the next ten minutes , she heard six more versions of what had happened . None of them made much sense . Nanako 's was actually one of the least outré ; others featured time machines bringing the historical Senshi forward in time ; various species of aliens ; secret cloning laboratories ; and ( her personal favourite ) the personal intervention of one or more kami to restore the dead Senshi to life . Things settled down a little once classes started ; but at lunch break , the rumour mills swung into full force once more . A few students who had smuggled pocket radios into school - strictly against the rules - were mobbed when news bulletins came on . Unfortunately , the newsies had little new to report . Dr . Fukuda , the chairman of the Serenity Council , had made a speech appealing for order and promising an immediate investigation , pointing out that the whole incident could easily be a hoax . Many of the students listening booed at that announcement , to Beth 's secret delight . To her surprise , though , a number of others only nodded in apparent satisfaction . Did they want it to be a hoax ? she wondered , shocked . Nanako was one who booed . " The Serries 've got no more idea of what happened than we do ! " she exclaimed . " Do they just really expect us to sit back and wait and see ? " " That 's beside the point ! " Nanako spluttered indignantly . " How can they suggest this is all a hoax ? Didn 't you see the recording ? " " Um , no , " said Beth truthfully . She 'd had a slightly better view than a recording . Her arm still ached from the gunman 's bullet . She rubbed it absently . At least her sleeves covered the wound . " Oh , never mind that , " Nanako said , flushing a brighter red . " The point is , he saw it ! And he thinks it must be real ! " " Oh , yes , " put in Eitoku . He was one who hadn 't booed . " That settles everything , of course . Come on , Nana - chan , the chairman 's right . Of course it 's going to be a hoax ! Things like … like Sailor Senshi … just don 't happen any more ! " Beth stared at her , horrified . What if Iku had recognised her ? Then it struck her : sooner or later , everyone was going to see that recording . Everyone was going to know who she was . She felt like screaming . Why , oh why hadn 't she noticed that security camera and … and broken it , or something ? She held her breath , waiting for Iku to answer . " There wasn 't much to see , " Iku said , looking embarrassed . " Just a blurry picture of a girl in a fuku . She got shot in the arm , and then she did something and this … kind of spiral ray appeared . " Beth sighed to herself . A blurry picture ? She could live with that . She looked back at Iku , a little curious . That was the longest speech she 'd ever heard the girl make . And she seemed so … disconcerted at being the centre of attention . Her arm twinged and she rubbed it again . The motion caught Eitoku 's eye . " What 's the matter , Beth - san ? " he asked , apparently glad of the distraction ( he 'd been losing the argument badly , overmatched by Nanako 's ability to say three words for every one of his ) . " You 've been rubbing that arm all day . " " Oh , nothing , " Beth said , startled . She found herself blushing , rather to her annoyance . He noticed me ! " I just knocked it on a door , that 's all . " Nanako laughed . " That 's because you walk around in a daydream all day . " Eitoku and Iku laughed too , and Beth looked away , biting her lip . So she never noticed it when Nanako suddenly frowned , looking thoughtfully at her arm . " Anyway , " Nanako said after a slight pause , " it must be Sailor Venus . She 's the one with the Love - me Chain attack . And she was the first Senshi to appear , back in the Old Days . " " That doesn 't mean anything … " Eitoku was quick to argue . The battle was soon joined again . Beth listened to them bickering , a half - smile on her lips . Yes , they argued all the time ; but it was kind of fun to listen to them . Fun to be with them . Fun to have friends … She glanced at Iku again . Iku was watching the two of them too , wearing an almost identical half - smile . Beth raised her eyebrows . Now what did that mean ? The bell rang , signalling the end of lunch break . Nanako and Eitoku reluctantly abandoned their argument ( both of them looked at the same time disappointed and relieved ) and the four started back across the fields . As they walked Nanako looked at Beth , grinned and said , " At least you look a bit more wide - awake today , Beth - chan ! You 've been half - asleep for the last few days . " Too many late nights training , Beth though with a mental sigh . " Oh , I managed to get an earlier night last night , " she said casually . That was true enough . Bendis had insisted ; and after she realised just how close she 'd come to being seriously hurt , Beth had been glad to agree . Nanako only nodded , looking thoughtful . As they entered the classroom , Beth relaxed with a sigh . Actually , it was a relief to be able to concentrate for a while on something other than what she 'd done the night before . Lieutenant Midori whistled cheerfully to himself as he walked through the foyer of ' S ' Division headquarters . He was jingling the loose change in his pocket and trying to decide where to go for lunch as he pushed the door open and stepped outside . He paused to hold the door open for a woman who was going in . He stayed there , holding the door open for longer than was strictly necessary , so that he could watch her as she stepped through . She was certainly worth a second look . Tall , almost as tall as he was , and exotically beautiful , with a magnificent mane of black hair . He checked the ID card clipped to her lapel as she stepped past him . It was purely an automatic reflex - he was a security officer , after all - but it also gave him her name : Fumihiko Sadako . He smiled , and started to step forward to speak to her - She turned her head and looked him in the eye , and … something strange happened . A moment 's giddiness , perhaps ? Or perhaps it was something about her expression . Quite suddenly , Midori realised that he didn 't want to speak to her after all . He nodded politely , closed the door behind her , and went on his way . Within ten minutes , he had forgotten he had ever seen her . One last memory remained : the sight of her hair . Extraordinary . Such a rich , deep black ; but when the sunlight caught it , just for a moment , it had the most amazing green highlights . She checked her ID card as she walked calmly onward , putting the young officer from her mind . The card looked perfectly in order , but if she tried to swipe it through a card - reader , alarms would ring all over the building . She wasn 't worried about it , though . She had the situation covered . For a moment , the name on the card caught her eye : Fumihiko Sadako . She shrugged . What 's in a name ? And she 'd had so many names . She watched the probability flows , timing her footsteps carefully . Just as she reached the next door , it opened and a pair of officers came out . One of them held the door for her , of course . She nodded curtly as she stepped through . So it went , door after door . Always with the most natural - seeming timing . When she needed to catch an elevator up to the ninth floor , there happened to be a clerk going the same way ; and she smiled in thanks as the young woman pushed the button for her . Fifteen minutes after Midori let her into the building , she was in a cubicle at the rear of ' S ' Division 's main Operations room , standing in front of an unlocked computer terminal . The keyboard operator had stepped out for a coffee ; she had three minutes and eleven seconds before he got back . She typed quickly . Property records ; historical files ; name of property : Olympus Gymnasium . She studied the display for a few seconds . Yes , the trail of ownership was clear enough , if anyone knew to look . She typed again . A few critical pieces of information were changed : a serial number here , a date there . That would buy a little time . Then , without showing the least bit of haste , she cleared the log of what she 'd been doing and walked away from the terminal . Five seconds later the terminal 's operator got back , holding a steaming plastic cup . Seeing nothing unusual , he resumed his work . Fumihiko Sadako retraced her steps and walked calmly out of ' S ' Division into the bright sunshine . On the street outside , she bought a newspaper and read an analysis of the previous night 's Sailor Senshi incident with interest . " About time , " she murmured to herself , and walked on . Nobody noticed her . That was the way she preferred it . Each member of the Council managed one or more government divisions . They were allotted more or less by seniority . However , because the chairman had so many other responsibilities , he was traditionally only given ' M ' Division , the smallest and least significant of the government departments . He spent some time handling routine paperwork and speaking with his chief operations officers . It didn 't take long ; there wasn 't much to do , there never was . Really , ' M ' Division didn 't warrant being a separate arm of the government at all . It was the Council 's Maintenance arm , responsible for the manufacture and maintenance of all the premises , vehicles , machines , tools , stationery and other specialty equipment used by the other branches of the government . It was a glorified factory and accounting organisation , that was all . The chairman finished his paperwork , bid a cheerful farewell to his secretary , and caught the elevator down to the car - park . As the doors closed , though , he slipped an ID card into the maintenance - key slot . The elevator car did not stop at ground level ; it went down a lot further . Finally the machine blipped and he could go on , into the inner sanctum . Into the real ' M ' Division . The secret for which all the rest was just a cover . The Serenity Council 's hidden think - tank . ( The name was partially a joke , he recalled , like Security 's mythical ' Q ' Division . Wasn 't there some ancient book or viddy in the Archives ? Some kind of spy story ? Well , it didn 't matter . ) M looked up with as he came in , then returned to studying a complex piece of equipment . The chairman looked at it briefly , then away again with a shrug . " Busy ? " he inquired . There was a sigh from M , and the chairman nodded . The Opals were flying patrol vehicles : fast , sturdy , utterly reliable , and one of the most valuable assets that ' P ' and ' S ' Divisions had . And they had been invented here . The field generator that drove them was one of M 's greatest triumphs : a tiny unit , less than half a cubic metre , that spun a delicate web of interlaced fields so complex that few others could follow even the theory behind them . The chairman smiled , and explained . He didn 't say that he wanted a Senshi - detector , of course . There was no point in letting even M know too much . But it wasn 't too hard to describe his requirements in broad enough terms that nobody could have worked out what he was really after . After all , he was a politician . M sighed again when he stopped talking . The chairman waited for the expected protest at the waste of time , but none came . Well , good . Perhaps M had gotten the message at last . You didn 't question the chairman 's orders . You just obeyed them . " It will take a few days , " M said after a moment . " I 'll have to do a little figuring . I 'll give you a better estimate by tomorrow morning . " The chairman nodded and M added , " Is that all ? " " Yes . " The chairman turned to go , saying over his shoulder , " I 'll expect your report by ten o ' clock . " Looking away again , he started briskly toward the door . He stopped hesitating . As M removed the covering , he gingerly took off his gloves , staring expressionlessly at the horrors beneath . The smell filled the laboratory almost immediately . Neither of them showed any reaction . After a few seconds , the chairman lowered what had once been his hands into the thick gel . He hissed through his teeth , then sighed softly in relief . " Perhaps , " the chairman said . " If you could develop a formulation that doesn 't decay so fast - ? " As M 's headshake , he shrugged . " So . It doesn 't matter , then . " He drew the gloves back on without a wince , turned , and started out of the room without ceremony . He could feel M 's eyes on his back , and could not resist smiling to himself . After all , they both knew what the guards at the end of the corridor were really there for . M was far too useful to the Council to ever be allowed to resign . Bendis was waiting anxiously when Beth got home . Beth suppressed a sigh when she saw the cat . Don 't I ever get any time off ? she wondered . She didn 't say it out loud , though . She was pretty sure she knew what Bendis ' answer would be : something long - winded about duty . For all her disparaging comments about Artemis , Bendis could be pretty fanatical herself . ( And what was it between her and Artemis , anyway ? When Beth raised the subject , Bendis always got very evasive . It was almost as if she wanted to avoid him . But why ? This was Artemis , for heaven 's sake ! The idea of meeting someone who had actually known Queen Serenity made Beth 's head spin . But Artemis had even known the Queen 's mother - Serenity the First . He had actually lived back in the days of the Silver Millennium ! So why did Bendis - ) " Oh . " Beth thought about it . " But I thought you just , well , lie around and sleep all day , or chase mice , or … " She trailed off uncertainly . Somehow she had the feeling that she was in a lot of trouble , though she was not quite sure why . Bendis shot her a venomous look . " Are you under the impression that I 'm an ordinary housecat or something ? " she snarled . " Perhaps you 'd like me to go play with a ball of string or something … ? " " Er … " Beth began . She had a sudden vision of Bendis playing with a ball of string . It was a very endearing image , but she had the impression that it might be wisest not to share it . " Sorry , " she said , flushing . " I should hope so , " said Bendis imperiously . " Mice ! Look , we need to talk about last night . How 's your arm , anyway ? And we - " " Oh , right - they were all talking about it at school , " Beth burst out excitedly . " Apparently there was a security camera in the charging station . I 'm on the viddy ! Everyone is watching me ! This is so … so weird ! " " What ? " Bendis stared at her , aghast . " Oh , no . This is terrible . Artemis is going to kill me - " She broke off . " Ah , I mean , Artemis is going to be pretty annoyed . When he gets back , that is . From his mission . " " Oh . " McCrea Helen stepped into the room and took a rather obvious look around . Inwardly , Beth groaned . She 'd had to pretend to have a boyfriend to explain why she was out so late at night , and her mother was clearly nervous about the whole idea . Seeing nobody else there , she headed back out , pausing to stare at Bendis for a moment . " I hope you 're feeding that cat properly , " she said . " Remember , if you want a pet , you pay for it yourself . " " I know , Mom , " Beth said patiently . Inwardly , she groaned . That ' pet ' remark was going to make Bendis explode , she knew . She was going to have to listen to cat lectures for hours . Then , with sudden delight , she realised that she didn 't have to listen to a thing . Smiling , she followed her mother out before the cat could say a word . She closed the door behind her . They walked into the living room . Helen seemed bothered by something . " Beth … " she said after a few moments . " Is there something you want to talk to me about ? " Beth stared up at her . " What do you mean ? " she said evasively . She was thinking , She knows ! She must have seen that recording , and recognised me ! Beth 's mouth hung open . She had no idea of what to say . She had no idea , for that matter , of what her mother was talking about . " Oh , Beth … I knew this had to come someday , " Helen went on . " And I know it 's very wonderful and exciting when you fall in love for the first time . But I 'm a little worried about you , dear . All these late nights , and the detentions at school , and now I hear you talking to yourself … " She took a deep breath . " You haven 't … done something foolish , have you ? " Helen looked at her doubtfully . " Well , I 'm glad to hear that , " she said . " But … be honest with me , dear . There is something you 're not telling me , isn 't there ? " Beth shook her head furiously . She had never been so embarrassed in her life . This was even worse than when Nanako had cornered her and made her talk to Eitoku , a few days ago . She wished she were somewhere else . Anywhere else . " All right . " Helen sighed . " I suppose you 're old enough that you need to handle this on your own . Just remember … we 're here , and we love you . All right ? " At Beth 's nod she added , " And remember this , too : be careful . Not all young men are gentlemen . " " Yes , Mom , " Beth managed to say . For heaven 's sake , she was sixteen years old ! She wanted to laugh , or cry , or quite possibly scream . Or something . Instead she meekly said , " Yes , Mom . " Helen frowned . " I really wish you wouldn 't , " she said . " I don 't know if you 've heard , but there are some dangerous people on the streets at the moment . It was on the news today . I want you to be especially careful , do you hear me ? " Beth smiled . At last , this was something she could be confident about . " Don 't worry , Mom ! If there 's any crooks around , the Sailor Senshi will take care of them ! Everyone at school today was saying - " " What ? Beth , it 's this ' Senshi ' I 'm talking about ! " Helen shook her head , tut - tutting . " Oh , if we 're lucky it 'll just be some poor deluded girl playing a silly game . But if it turns out to be for real , I want you to be careful , understand ? And if you see any of these Senshi , you stay well away from them ! " " Oh ? " said Helen . " I know that 's what everyone likes to think . And I admit things turned out well in the end . But back when they first appeared … Beth , you go to the library sometime , and look at some of the twentieth - century history books . Those girls attracted a lot of trouble back then . A number of people got hurt , and some of them nearly got killed , when they were around . " " Meaning well is not the same as doing good , " her mother said firmly . " And I 'm not saying they were bad . I 'm saying that when they were around there was always trouble . " She gave Beth an unnervingly direct look . " I don 't want you getting hurt , dear . So you stay well away . Promise me ! " " All right , " Beth said with a sigh . She thought fast . " I promise ; I 'll be careful , and if I see this Sailor Venus I 'll stay away from her . All right ? " Helen nodded . " Thank you , dear . Now , I must start on dinner - " She bustled off . Beth watched her go indignantly . The Senshi , trouble ? Nonsense ! Then she rubbed her arm , which was still quite sore , and frowned in thought . Perhaps she ought to talk to Bendis about this . She headed back to her room . As it turned out , this was an unwise decision . Bendis was not happy with her . After dinner Beth headed out once more . She didn 't really want to , actually ; she would have preferred to spend the evening at home for a change . But she 'd already told her mother she was going to go , and it might look odd if she didn 't . Besides , she needed to talk to Bendis , and it didn 't seem to be safe at home at the moment . Once she found a secluded spot , she sat down with a sigh . " I don 't know what to do , " she complained . " She thinks the Senshi are nothing but trouble - makers ! What if she finds out I 'm one ? " Beth gave her an irritated look . " That 's not very much help , " she complained . But another thought troubled her . " Bendis , she said the Senshi used to attract trouble . Was that true ? " " Well … " Bendis thought about it . " They didn 't cause the trouble , " she said at last . " But it 's certainly true that after they appeared , trouble seemed to seek them out . I suppose it 's natural that defenders and enemies should be drawn to - " Beth did not seem to notice that she was still talking . " But then … if they attracted the trouble … " She made a face . " If I 'm only going to draw in the bad guys and put other people in danger , maybe I should just give the whole thing up before it starts ! " Bendis made a rude noise . " Don 't get carried away . Remember , they weren 't the cause . All those things might have happened even if the Senshi hadn 't been around . And then where would we all have been ? If they hadn 't been there to stop Queen Beryl … " " No ! I mean , well - " She broke off , struggling to say what she meant . " I just don 't want to think that , you know , everything I do is all laid down or something , like I 'm some kind of puppet . " " Maybe you should talk to a priest , " Bendis told her , rolling her eyes . " I 'm not talking about predestination . It 's more like an inheritance , you know ? What you do with it 's up to you . You can still fail . You can still get hurt . " " Sure , and whose fault was that ? " said Bendis . " But you have to keep it in perspective . Okay , you got shot . It 's not a particularly serious wound , but even so - you 'll heal faster as a Senshi , but you 're still going to have a sore arm for a few days , and probably a scar . " Rather primly she added , " Actually , that might be a good thing . Now you know you 're not invulnerable , you might be a bit more careful in future . " Beth sniffed . " When did you get so keen on being careful ? A couple of days ago you were saying - " She stopped suddenly . " Wait a minute . A scar ? I can 't have a scar ! " " You idiot ! " Bendis stared at her , startled . " I can 't have a scar ! " Beth shouted . " Everyone at school will see it ! They 'll know I 'm Sailor Venus ! This will ruin everything ! " " Er , that 's a pretty good point , actually . " Bendis tried to think . " I don 't suppose you can just wear long sleeves all the time ? All right , scratch that one . Um . Ahh … let 's see , what kind of excuse would explain - " " Excuses won 't help ! Thanks to that recording , everyone knows exactly where Sailor Venus got hurt ! " Beth took on a sudden wild look . " I know ! I 'll change schools ! That way - no , wait a minute , that won 't work , will it ? " She clutched her head . " What am I saying ? Oh , no , what am I going to do ? " Unfortunately , Beth heard her . Bendis suddenly found herself picked up by the scruff of the neck . " You 're … not … helping ! " hissed Beth . " What do you want me to say ? " protested Bendis in a rather strained voice . " Panicking isn 't going to do any good ! You don 't even know if it 's going to cause a scar yet ! " " Maybe I was wrong ! Maybe you won 't get a scar ! Or maybe it 'll be so faint nobody 'll see it ! Or , or , or will you let me breathe ! " " What ? Oh . Yeah . " Beth put Bendis down . She had an odd expression on her face : as if she didn 't quite believe what she 'd just been saying . She stared at Bendis for a moment , rubbing her arm without even noticing . The hum grew louder quickly . Beth looked up . After a few seconds she saw it : a dark shape in the sky , some distance off , barely visible in the twilight except for the steady winking of its running lights . It was headed north , and moving quite fast , she noticed with interest . And that meant - " Dammit , aren 't you listening to a word I - " Bendis stopped suddenly as Venus crouched down beside her . They were hidden on a rooftop overlooking the Opal 's landing site , just outside a jeweller 's shop . Or , in other words , a great deal closer than Bendis had ever wanted to come to an Opal again . " Yes , and we 'd all be much better off if you let the police in that Opal handle it , too ! They 're the ones who 're trained to fight crime ! What makes you think they need you ? " " Probably they don 't , " the Senshi admitted . " I was just planning to watch . Check out the action . Good idea to see how the pros handle things , right ? Good training . " " Well , duh . You think I want to get shot again ? I 'll just sit right here . " Venus paused . " Unless it looks like they can 't handle it , of course . " As they watched , four police officers climbed out of the Opal and cautiously approached the jeweller 's , their weapons at the ready . Two of them disappeared inside . A third disappeared down a side alley ; the fourth took up a position by the door . Nothing happened for some time . Then , suddenly , they heard gunfire : individual shots , and then the chatter of automatic fire . There were shouts , and a single short scream . The policeman at the door raised his gun and stepped into the doorway . Almost instantly , another shot rang out . He spun around with a cry of pain and fell to the ground . Moments later they heard running feet , and the third policeman reappeared . He ran to the fallen man 's side , pulling him clear . Venus looked down at Bendis . She seemed uncertain . Her face was pale . " Guns , " she whispered . Then , suddenly , she shook her head , and the grin was back . There was an anticipatory glint in her eye . " Do you think I should - " she began . Bendis shook her head firmly . " It 's still not your job , " she insisted . " Those police down there would tell you the same . There 'll be more of them on the way . " " Oh … I suppose so , " Venus said . She looked disappointed . " But still - that man in the street . He , he 's b - bleeding , and … and if I - " " If you go down there , the chances are that it 'll be you shot and bleeding , " Bendis pointed out . " Face it , this isn 't your fight . It isn 't your kind of fight . " They continued to watch . The third policeman spoke quickly into his commset , then did what he could for his wounded comrade . Then he straightened and took up a position covering the entrance , his weapon drawn . Bendis whispered a running commentary . Venus nodded . She was starting to fidget . It took a few seconds to make out the details . There were four men with guns , holding a policewoman hostage . They were shouting out demands . The two watchers on the roof could not make out everything they said , but it was clear enough that things were going badly . One of the burglars held a gun to the hostage 's head . Venus winked at her . " Don 't worry , " she said . " After all , there aren 't any security cameras out here to record this , are there ? " " No ! Don 't - " Bendis began . Too late . Venus took a deep breath and sprang out into the air . For love , and justice . The wind in her face was cold . She relaxed for half a second , enjoying it . Then she started concentrating on where she was going to land . And on what she 'd have to do when she got there . Four bad guys , with guns . Hand - to - hand , she wasn 't sure if she could get them all fast enough to keep them from getting off a shot . And the Love - Me Chain wasn 't really much use from close up . So she 'd have to keep it from getting close up . That made it more difficult . She touched down lightly on a ledge just a few metres above the little drama that was still playing out below . Nobody noticed . She nodded ; good . This might just work . She waited until they were in the perfect position - She stepped forward into view . " I am the lovely sailor - suited warrior Sailor Venus ! " she declaimed . " You have broken the law , and seriously injured an officer of the law . But now you face a higher law ! " Gesturing , she took up a dramatic pose . " In the name of the planet Venus - " she told them " - you 're mine ! " Her aim was true . She caught the hostage policewoman , waist - height in a perfect tackle , tearing her from the burglars ' grasp and tumbling them over and over , stopping several metres away . Then , still on the ground , she flipped over and shouted , " VENUS LOVE - ME CHAIN ! " The chain arced out . All those hours of practice paid off . It looped itself neatly around the group of burglars - and around the lamp post they had been passing . Venus let the drag on the chain flip her to her feet , braced herself , and hauled it tight . And that was all there was to it . The chain tightened around the little group , drawing them in against the lamp post . Most of them had their arms pinned down at their sides , helpless . The one man who kept his arms free dropped his gun at the sudden jerk . He plucked at the chain , cursing , then yelped as a spark of energy stung his hand . One of them didn 't , at least . The policewoman she had saved climbed to her feet , shouting , " Who are you , and what the hell do you think you 're doing ? Don 't you know you could get hurt ? " Venus glared at her , annoyed and hurt . " I 'm Sailor Venus , " she told her . " And I 'd 've thought you 'd be a bit more grateful , when I 've just saved your life ! " It was a hard blow , and it rocked Venus ' head back . Venus stared at her , shocked . " Damn you , " the woman hissed . " I 've worked to be where I am today . You think I 'm going to be replaced by some prissy bitch in a short skirt ? Why don 't you get back to the kindergarten where you belong ? " " I ought to arrest you here and now , " the woman continued . " You - oh , the hell with you . Shoji - kun - " She turned to look at the other policeman , still standing by the door . " I 'm going to check on Tanaka . Look after Miss High - and - Mighty , will you ? " She stalked back into the jeweller 's , her body stiff and taut with rage . That left the last policeman , still staring at Venus . Venus tried to smile , but it didn 't work very well . She felt as if she 'd just been punched in the stomach . No , worse . " Your turn , " she said . Her voice sounded shaky . " Don 't mind her . " He indicated the direction the woman had gone . " She hasn 't gotten used to the idea yet . That it 's starting again . It 's all coming back . " Then , to her horror , he knelt down and bowed his head before her . " Oh , please , " he whispered urgently . " When you see the blessed queen , tell her … tell her … " He reached for her hand , and she realised he wanted to kiss it . She tried to squirm away from him , nauseated and - finally - afraid ; but she could not move too far without releasing the Love - Me Chain , and if she did that it would vanish - And then someone else was there . The wounded ' P ' division officer , pulling the would - be worshipper away . His left arm hung limply at his side , the shoulder stained a dark red that was nearly black under the street lights . His face was pale , but his eyes were alert and there was nothing unsteady in his voice . " Right . " He fumbled at his side with a short hiss of pain and produced another gun . " Just drop them , " he said . " Then get out of here . I 'll handle it . " She released the chain . Suddenly freed , the four prisoners staggered forward . Three of them dropped to the ground . Venus paid no attention . She turned and ran away . She did not watch to make sure the officer could manage . She did not stop to pick up Bendis . She did not look back at all . Bendis got back to the McCrea house on her own , hours later . She found Beth lying in bed , wide awake , her face stained with tears . Bendis did not say a word . She jumped onto the girl 's bed , and Beth took her in her arms , and cried for a very long time . Hayashi Miyo walked towards school , talking animatedly to her friends Dhiti and Kin . Dhiti had heard that there 'd been another Senshi sighting the night before . They were discussing the possibility that the new Sailor Venus might be someone at their school . Kin still didn 't believe in this new Senshi . " It 's got to be a trick of some kind , " she insisted . " Maybe they 're shooting some new movie , or something . " " Yeah , sure , " snorted Dhiti . " You think the newsies wouldn 't know about that ? " Dhiti was obviously a Claver , her skin was very dark ; but she spoke perfect , unaccented Japanese . " C ' mon , tell her , Hayashi ! " Miyo jumped . " What ? " she said . " Ah , sorry , what did you say ? " Dhiti repeated herself . " Oh . No , I don 't think it was a movie . It could be some kind of impostor , though . Or … " She trailed off uncertainly . She 'd had the oddest dream last night . She was fairly sure it had been about a Senshi . It had been all blurred and strange , though , as if seen through fogged glass - She thought about telling the other two about it , but Dhiti was already talking again . She was running through a list of girls they knew , rating each one on her potential Senshi - hood . Miyo listened , amused . It was odd , this business , she thought . Unsettling . Did new Senshi mean there was going to be a Queen again ? That would be interesting . Then the Serenity Council would have to step down - after all , they only held power until the Queen returned . It was in their charter . " Hey , what 's wrong with you this morning ? " inquired Dhiti . " You look pretty out of it . " Then suddenly , she gasped . " I know ! " she said theatrically . " It 's you ! You 're Sailor Venus ! " Miyo joined in their laughter . " Yeah , that 'll be the day , " she said . But something inside her added , No … that 's not it … Miyo rolled her eyes . Only Dhiti would think western - style fencing was more interesting than Sailor Senshi . But then , that was Dhiti all over . The smartest girl Miyo knew , but she could never stay on one topic for more than five minutes . Shaking her head , she walked on , trying to appear interested in what the smaller girl was saying . They came up to the gates of Aosagi School . As they passed through , Miyo glanced down and was surprised to see a small white cat sitting just inside the gate , staring up at her . That was odd . White cat , something inside her said . But what was so special about a white cat ? Oh , he 'd put up a good talk for Itsuko . He 'd claimed to have been so certain . But somewhere deep inside … he had not been sure . He kept up the search , doggedly , year after decade after century , but he had not been sure . He had doubted . There could be no further doubt . Not any more . Because the girl he had just seen , Miyo , the tall girl with the ponytail of chestnut hair , was the living image of Kino Makoto . |
I got out the Anniversary Mystery Shawl ' 10 ( Yes , 10 ! ) and knit a few more rounds into it . I still have a long , long way to go , but I have confidence that one of these years , I 'll get it done . Posted by Lots of people keep on asking for my chicken and dumplings recipe . Well , the problem is , I don 't really use one . I just kind of make it up as I go . So , I thought I 'd make that the subject of tonight 's blog post . How I make my chicken and dumplings . Buy a rotisserie chicken from Wal - mart . Eat the legs , thighs , and wings , because that 's the good part . I don 't like the breast , so I have to do something else with it . Usually I make it into soup , or chicken and dumplings , and here 's how that works . into bite sized pieces . Put into refrigerator for later . Wrap the remaining carcass in cheesecloth and secure with a tie . Put it into a stock pot and cover with water . Boil for a good long time , to get a nice , rich broth . No , I don 't time it . I If you don 't have cheesecloth , just boil the carcass without it , but you 'll want to strain your broth to get all the little bits of cartilage and skin and stuff out . Dump some flour into a bowl . Add a couple spoonfuls of shortening and some salt . Sometimes I use cold butter . Depends on how lazy I am , since the shortening is softer and therefore easier to cut into the flour . Anyway . . . peas . Or something . I just do it until it looks right . Add some milk . Not too much . Mix it all into a stiff dough . Turn the stiff dough out onto floured surface . ( I use parchment paper so I don 't have to clean as much . ) Roll dough until it is very thin . Use a pizza cutter to cut the dough into small rectangles . They will puff up a lot when they 're cooking , so make them about 1 " by 1 . 5 " or so . Put the cut up dumplings into a bowl , coating each one with flour so they don 't stick together . Pull your cheesecloth wrapped chicken carcass out of the broth and discard . Add the dumplings one at a time until they are all in the broth . There will probably be some flour left in the bottom of the bowl . Whisk a little milk into the flour and add it to the boiling broth . Add your cut up chicken meat , and boil until the dumplings are no longer chewy . Add salt and pepper to taste . Or whatever spices you like . Some people add carrots and peas , but I don 't . Turn off heat . Let the chicken and dumplings cool . Put in refrigerator until the next day . Heat up and serve . And that 's how I do it . Welcome to our chat , a day late . It is an absolutely beautiful day outside , though not quite shorts and t - shirt weather . It 's still warm enough we can sit out on the porch to have our chat . Won 't you join me ? 1 . What is your favorite room of your house or apartment ? I can 't really say I have a favorite room in the house I live in right now . I guess it would be the living room , since that 's where I spend most of my time . But if I ever get to build my dream house , it 'll be the library . It 'll have a huge stone fireplace , and a window seat big enough to get really comfortable for a few hours of reading . And of course , shelves and shelves of books along the wall , and a overstuffed leather sofa in the middle . 2 . What 's your favorite topping for pancakes or waffles ? Maple syrup . I 've never been one for putting things like fruit and whipped cream on my pancakes or waffles . We just didn 't do that while I was growing up . 3 . Do you like dried fruit ? 4 . Please finish this statement . " As soon as we have good spring weather , I 'm going to _______ . " Get my flower beds planted ! And go fishing again . It 's been quite a while , and I miss it . OK , this is a photo of the church I grew up in . The church has built a new building , so this one stands empty now . It makes me sad , because I spent many childhood hours here . Monday evening , the dome on top caught on fire , though they don 't really know why . The memory from my childhood is that when you got to be a certain age - - usually between 4th and 6th grade - - it was a thing to sneak up into the dome . I remember when I went up there . It was the music minister 's son who showed me the stairs and the trap door to get up inside the dome . I was so excited , but at the same time , disappointed . The other kids made it sound like such a big deal , but once I got there , it looked just like the attic at my house . Still , it was a kind of a rite of passage . Those who had been up into the dome , and those who hadn 't . After that day , I was one of the kids who had . The porch with the four white columns had a rail around it , and a small ledge around the outside . When I was in 4th grade , while waiting to march in during VBS ( Vacation Bible School ) , several of us kids would climb over the rail and jump off that ledge . Then we 'd run around , up the steps to the porch , and do it again . Over and over . The whole time . The next year , when I was in 5th grade , I was so excited when it was time for VBS , so that we could jump off that ledge again . I ran up onto that porch , climbed over the rail , stood on the ledge , looked down , and said , " What was I thinking ? " Then I climbed back over the rail , onto the porch , and never jumped off that ledge again . It 's another one written by a schoolmate of mine . We called him Jimmy back in school . He was two years behind me , so I didn 't really know him all that well . I 'm looking forward to reading it . Officially , but not really . The first day of Spring is just an arbitrary date on a calendar . Somebody , somewhere , way back when picked a day and said , " Hey , I think I 'll make spring start on this date . " Then his buddy said , " Hey , let 's say that spring starts on the day of the Vernal Equinox ! " And the first guy said , " OK , then . Spring starts on the day of the Vernal Equinox . " And that 's how the first day of spring became the first day of spring . But , as we all know , nature doesn 't look at a calendar . Around here , spring starts when the daffodils start coming up . That was about two weeks ago . Some years , spring comes earlier than others . I 've seen daffodils blooming in late January , but most often , they start coming up in mid February . No matter how you look at it , spring is here , and it 's making me want to get out and work in my flower beds . It 's still too early to plant . I don 't usually do that until after Easter , which is April 20th this year . But I can get out and start clearing the old stuff out of the beds , and enriching the soil . I walked through the garden center at Wal - mart and they are starting to get their flowers in . Just a few so far . No Lantanas or Zinnias yet , but a few marigolds and some other stuff . This is a Gerbera Daisy . I haven 't had any of these before . Technically , it 's a perennial , but in my planting zone , it 's treated like an annual , because it won 't survive the winter . I 'm thinking I may put it into one of my planters , so I can bring it in at night . It 's still getting kind of cold at night , but warm in the day . Oh , this is the most difficult time of the year ! When it 's warm enough to want to get out into the flower beds , but still getting too cold at night to plant anything . It 's like waiting for Christmas . Posted by Yep , I 've managed to brand myself again . What can I say ? I melt metal for a living . It 's one of the hazards of the job . Or perks . Depending on your point of view . It wasn 't a significant enough injury to stop me from knitting , though . I worked some on this hat which I had cast on several weeks ago . The yarn is Knitpicks Tonal in Thunderhead , or Thunderstorm , or Thundercloud or something like that . It 's been so long since I cast on that I don 't remember . It 's just a basic hat pattern . Or it may be beanie sized . I don 't remember . and I think to myself , " In a zombie apocalypse , Brother , you are screwed . " And I grab my bow and go shoot a few rounds . Then I just sit back and smile , and I realize Questions : 1 . What are your favorite condiments ? In my pre - egg allergy days , it was mayonnaise . Real mayonnaise , not that Miracle Whip junk . I loved mayo so much , I 'd eat it right out of the jar with a spoon . It was especially good on egg sandwiches . Now , I don 't really have a favorite . I put butter on my sandwiches because I don 't like ketchup or mustard . 2 . What are you reading ? I 'm reading a book written by a high school friend of mine called Zombie Apocalypse Now . It 's pretty good . I 'm impressed . * It does have quite a bit of strong language in it , though , so be aware of that . 3 . What was the last dessert you had ? Cream Cheese pie with cherries on top . 4 . Wendell would like to know if you would build him a snowman . ( If you don 't have snow , just pretend . He 's not detail oriented . ) Of course I would ! With a carrot nose and everything . 5 . Tell me something fun or interesting . Fun or interesting , huh ? Well , I 'm just not a fun or interesting type of person , am I ? The most fun I 've been lately was yesterday 's post about being the Crazy Kraken Lady . Feel free to laugh , or roll your eyes and facepalm . Whichever seems most pertinent to you . I had a dream once . There was a time in my life when I thought I 'd become a Crazy Cat Lady . Lots of people are Crazy Cat Ladies , though . There 's nothing wrong with it . But I wanted to be different . I wanted to be unique . Then , I had an inspiration . I would become the Crazy Kraken Lady . The world 's first Crazy Kraken Lady . I would be unique . I was so excited . I started making my plans to dig up my back yard to make my Kraken pool . See , there was this fishing boat down in New Zealand , and they were fishing for marlin . Well , they hooked one , but some squid got ahold of it . By the time the fishermen reeled it in , those squid had stripped that marlin to the bone . Seriously . There wasn 't anything left but a head , a spine , and some ribs and just enough meat to hold them together . Then there was this diver , and he got attacked by a group of squid , and they were trying to eat him . To eat him ! ! They were biting him through his wetsuit , and they grabbed hold of him and started dragging him down into deep water . They dragged him down so fast , his eardrums ruptured from the sudden change in pressure . The diver managed to get away , but in addition to the burst eardrums , he had a dislocated shoulder and a broken wrist , along with about a gajillion bites . On the show , they were talking about a yacht that was sailing around out on the ocean . All of the sudden , the yacht stopped . The people on board said it felt like they had run aground . But when they ran to look into the water , what they saw was a squid . A squid . It had stopped a boat . It had grabbed the boat and brought it to a dead stop . Dang . Suddenly , the idea of being the Crazy Kraken Lady didn 't seem so appealing after all . I 'm going to have to re - think that dream . No , the bathroom stalls are not all occupied . We 're standing here in a line with our legs crossed because we 're about to break out into an Irish step dance . You 're welcome to join us . It 's great fun . So , why am I not showing you a picture of the pie I made to celebrate ? Because it 's in the refrigerator and I 'm not . Therefore , I 'm giving you Eye Candy Friday instead . That made complete sense to me . And you wonder why I can 't seem to have conversations with normal people . Moving right along , here is the eye candy I promised you . Whatever could go wrong , did . The only redeeming thing about the day was that it is in fact , Thor 's Day . And the really strange dream I had about Group Leader Fernando . He spent 20 years in the Army , and if you ask his hair , he seems to have forgotten that he 's retired . Well , last night I dreamed he had let it grow long and dyed it yellow . Yellow . I told him about it , and he laughed and said , " Why do you want to put that hippie complex on me ? " In lieu of anything more interesting to talk about - - since the details about what all went wrong at work wouldn 't make any sense to most of you , and if you did understand , would bore you senseless , I offer you a couple more Throwback Thursday photos . These are a couple my Auntie had in her albums . I was about 15 in this one , and was going through a cowboy phase . And this one was a year or two later . Check out that hair ! And the glasses . Did I really go out in public looking like that ? ? ? ? Oh , and that NIKE shirt . I loved that shirt because I 'd had a huge crush on a guy who 'd had one just like it . Yeah , that was another one of those What Was I Thinking ? moments . The crush , not the shirt . The shirt was pretty cool . Much more so than the guy turned out to be . Posted by It seems winter isn 't quite ready to give up just yet . What with the chilly temperatures coming back for a bit , it seemed a good idea to pick up the blanket again . I 'm starting on the third row of squares , and it 's going a lot faster than the entrelac . I like it better , too . The pattern is Trekking Is For Necking , and the yarn is Zauberball Crazy , on size four needles . I also knit a few rows on this scarf . This is the One Row Scarf in a Snowflake Wool Blend yarn that Beverly bought on clearance . She decided she didn 't like it and gave it to me . It 's knitting up into a really nice scarf . That 's all I 've been working on lately . I 'm determined to finish a few of my UFOs before casting on anything else . One of these days , I 'm going to drag them all out and photograph them . I haven 't yet , because I have so many it 's a daunting prospect . I 've also challenged myself to go a whole year without buying yarn . Think I can do it ? The last time I bought yarn was in December , to finish up some Christmas gifts . Now , since Hank 's is closed , and Knit Picks is still on my naughty list , I think maybe I can . The only exception I 'll make is if I need more yarn for Kyle 's blanket . I always somewhat enjoy Chat days , because I don 't have to strain my brain for a blog topic . You ought to be glad , too , because otherwise , you 'd be hearing all about my trip to the dentist . So , let 's chat , shall we ? 1 . If you are in the US , does the time change mess you up ? Yes , it does , but in the fall more so than in the spring . The spring time change usually comes during our busy season at work , so I 'm not keeping consistent hours anyway . 2 . Do you usually drink a beverage with you meals ? Yes , usually tea or a diet soft drink , or milk , depending on what I 'm having . 3 . How often do you iron clothes ? Seldom . I don 't really have that many clothes that need ironing any more . Now , when I was in the Navy , I ironed every single day . And I do mean every day . 4 . When was the last time you took an enjoyable walk ? Since before the guy put the No Trespassing signs up on the road where I used to walk . Now that it 's starting to warm up , I 'm going to try to take the dogs down to the lake and walk some of the trails out there , before it gets too hot to go for walks . 5 . Tell me whatever you 'd like to share with us . Oh , goody ! You get to hear about my trip to the dentist after all ! If you 're a regular reader of my blog , you know that I 've recently gotten some old dental work replaced . If you just pop in for Chats , I 've recently gotten some old dental work replaced . This time , I decided to go with a flexible partial instead of fixed bridges . I was getting worried , because I kept having to go back and let the dentist make adjustments to my partial , but today he told me that it is perfectly normal . It usually takes two or three visits before the partial is right and stuff . He scheduled me for one more next week , but said if nothing was rubbing or causing sore spots , I could call and cancel it . Hopefully , I can do that , and won 't have to go back . So , that 's all I have interesting to tell today . Do come back and join us again next week . Posted by After frantically tearing up the entire house , I finally found it on the end table by the sofa . Right where I 'd left it . Fancy that . I found my hymnal and looked up the words to the hymn I 'd been trying to remember . As I was thumbing through , I started singing some of the great old hymns I 'd grown up with . The ones we seldom sing in church any more . So many of the professional singers feel the need to jazz up the hymns , which I don 't want . And I don 't want videos that sound like congregational singing . I 've had to make some compromises . I 've tried to pick the ones that sound professional , but aren 't too terribly contemporized . I like this version of one of my favorite hymns , One of my Facebook friends tipped me off to the existence of these . They received a resounding yes from me . Indeed , I ate half the bag before I even got home from the store . This was probably the most exciting find of my shopping excursion . Nasacort ! This is one of the prescriptions my allergist had written me years ago , but I 'd had to quit buying because it was just so expensive . Once they changed our insurance from a co - pay to a deductible , I just couldn 't afford it any more . Even the generic version was $ 100 for a one month supply . It is now available over the counter , and for only $ 12 . Yippee ! Maybe I 'll be able to breathe again soon ! I 'm going to plant them in my starter trays tomorrow , and hope they grow here . I 'll let you know how that goes . I also bought a bag of onions . I have no idea what I 'm going to do with them . I just really felt like I needed a bag of onions . I 'm thinking a potato and onion soup of some sort . Or maybe I 'll slice one of them up , mix up a batter , and fry them into onion rings . Throw back Thursday ( Or Thor 's Day , as I like to call it ) has become a thing on Facebook . The point is to post old photos of yourself and stuff . To get into the spirit of things , I thought I 'd do one here , too . With me is Susan Day . She could do the best camel lips I 've ever seen . Check out those shorts ! I loved them ; they were like my favorite shorts ever . You 're not going to believe this , but I can actually remember getting this photo taken . I was fascinated by the shag rug , and was sitting down playing with it . I remember the photographer telling me to stand up and hold Bubba 's foot . Seriously , I do . Now , let 's zoom forward in time to when I was in the Navy . This was the day I finished the first part of my electronics technician school , which would make this November 1989 . That Petty Officer with me was in charge of the barracks . I can 't remember her name , and I can 't blow the photo up enough to read her name tag , but she called me her Number One Problem Child . I don 't know why . I was good . Really , I was . You can stop laughing now . OK , back to first grade and my old Bluebird troop . Or whatever groups of Bluebirds were called . I probably should have looked happier , but hey , there 's a reason we never made it to our first anniversary . Well , that 's about it for Throw Back Thursday . I don 't expect this to be a weekly feature , but I didn 't sleep well last night , and it seemed an adequate cop - out . Posted by Yes , it is cold again . But it is supposed to warm up later this week . For today , though , I think we will chat inside . 1 . Do you like avocados ? Yes , I love avocados . I could eat them every day . 2 . Have you ever gone on a roller coaster ? Yes , I have . Though I generally claim to be a coaster chicken ( I even have a t - shirt that says that - - somewhere ) , I have ridden one in Worlds Of Fun in Missouri , and I 've also ridden Space Mountain and Thunder Mountain in Disneyworld . 3 . Do you do cross stitch , needlepoint , crewel work , or needle punch ? I used to cross stitch all the time . I 've done some plastic canvas needlepoint , too . I haven 't done crewel or needle punch . My craft of preference is knitting . In case you haven 't noticed . 4 . Do you cook with gas or electric ? I have an electric stove right now . I have had gas stoves in the past , Of the two , I think gas would be my preference , even though I grew up using electric . Really , it wasn 't bad here at all , though my friend Amy , whom you 've met before , lost power for several hours . There wasn 't much ice here , even though my Jimmy had a good layer on him . Funniest thing , the car doors were frozen shut . The only one I could get to open was the back hatch . I climbed inside and tried to open the driver 's side door from the inside , but I couldn 't . I finally ended up pouring water ( tap water - - NOT hot , or you may crack your windows ) over the door to melt the ice enough to get it opened . Well , like I said I was going to do , I ended up spending most of the weekend sitting in front of the TV and knitting . I 've gotten two rows completed on Kyle 's blanket . I stretched it out over my bed , which is a queen sized bed , and I do think it 'll be big enough . I spent the rest of Saturday tussling with my finances . I have a little used bank account that I haven 't reconciled since , like July , so I had to take care of that . Then when I was paying bills , I noticed my house note had a past due amount on it for last month . I knew I 'd paid that bill , and looking back through my checkbook , I had indeed written the check . Then , when I was reconciling that account , I saw that the money had been debited to my account . So , I had to call customer service . They insisted that the last payment they 'd received had been for January , and to prove it , I would have to print out my bank statement and a copy of the cancelled check and send it to them . They did an electronic funds transfer , so there is no cancelled check . I did print out my transaction history from the bank 's website , and I hope that 'll do them . I got the sweetest little thank you notes from my nephews . This one is from Andrew . He drew a picture of me , and what appears to be a porcupine , surrounded by lots of hearts . He 's the sensitive one . Nate drew what looks like Moose and her twin calves . Nate is the practical one . He 's also the oldest . He is going to buy spy gear . This one is from Paul , the youngest . He apparently has an affinity for alligators and sharks . Fighting ninjas . Or is that me ? I 'm not sure . I like this kid , Paul . Posted by |
Le Rameau d ' Or . Par Madame d ' Aulnoy THE GOLDEN BRANCH ONCE upon a time there was a King who was so morose and disagreeable that he was feared by all his subjects , and with good reason , as for the most trifling offences he would have their heads cut off . This King Grumpy , as he was called , had one son , who was as different from his father as he could possibly be . No prince equalled him in cleverness and kindness of heart , but unfortunately he was most terribly ugly . He had crooked legs and squinting eyes , a large mouth all on one side , and a hunchback . Never was there a beautiful soul in such a frightful little body , but in spite of his appearance everybody loved him . The Queen , his mother , called him Curlicue , because it was a name she rather liked , and it seemed to suit him . As King Grumpy was not used to being contradicted in anything , he was very much displeased with his son , and ordered that he should be imprisoned in the tower that was kept on purpose for rebellious Princes , but had not been used for about two hundred years , because there had not been any . The Prince thought all the rooms looked strangely old - fashioned , with their antique furniture , but as there was a good library he was pleased , for he was very fond of reading , and he soon got permission to have as many books as he liked . But when he looked at them he found that they were written in a forgotten language , and he could not understand a single word , though he amused himself with trying . The King was delighted to receive so good an offer for his unlucky daughter , though , to tell the truth , he found it impossible to admire the Prince 's portrait which had been sent to him . However , he had it placed in as favourable a light as possible , and sent for the Princess , but the moment she caught sight of it she looked the other way and began to cry . The King , who was very much annoyed to see how greatly she disliked it , took a mirror , and holding it up before the unhappy Princess , said : One day , as the Prince was walking up and down the great gallery , thinking how miserable it was to be so ugly , and to be forced to marry an equally frightful Princess , he looked up suddenly and noticed that the painted windows were particularly bright and beautiful , and for the sake of doing something that would change his sad thoughts he began to examine them attentively . He found that the pictures seemed to be scenes from the life of a man who appeared in every window , and the Prince , fancying that he saw in this man some resemblance to himself , began to be deeply interested . In the first window there was a picture of him in one of the turrets of the tower , farther on he was seeking something in a chink in the wall , in the next picture he was opening an old cabinet with a golden key , and so it went on through numbers of scenes , and presently the Prince noticed that another figure occupied the most important place in each scene , and this time it was a tall handsome young man : poor Prince Curlicue found it a pleasure to look at him , he was so straight and strong . By this time it had grown dark , and the Prince had to go back to his own room , and to amuse himself he took up a quaint old book and began to look at the pictures . But his surprise was great to find that they represented the same scenes as the windows of the gallery , and what was more , that they seemed to be alive . In looking at pictures of musicians he saw their hands move and heard sweet sounds ; there was a picture of a ball , and the Prince could watch the little dancing people come and go . He turned a page , and there was an excellent smell of a savoury dinner , and one of the figures who sat at the feast looked at him and said : At these words the Prince , who had been growing more and more astonished , was fairly terrified , and dropping the book with a crash he sank back insensible . The noise he made brought his guards to his aid , and as soon as he revived they asked him what was the matter . He answered that he was so faint and giddy with hunger that he had imagined he saw and heard all sorts of strange things . Thereupon , in spite of the King 's orders , the guards gave him an excellent supper , and when he had eaten it he again opened his book , but could see none of the wonderful pictures , which convinced him that he must have been dreaming before . However , when he went into he gallery next day and looked at the painted windows again , he found that they moved , and the figures came and went as if they had been alive , and after watching the one who was like himself find the key in the crack of the turret wall and open the old cabinet , he determined to go and examine the place himself , and try to find out what the mystery was . So he went up into the turret and began to search about and tap upon the walls , and all at once he came upon a place that sounded hollow . Taking a hammer he broke away a bit of the stone , and found behind it a little golden key . The next thing to do was to find the cabinet , and the Prince soon came to it , hidden away in a dark corner , though indeed it was so old and battered - looking that he would never have noticed it of his own accord . At first he could not see any keyhole , but after a careful search he found one hidden in the carving , and the golden key just fitted it ; so the Prince gave it a vigorous turn and the doors flew open . Ugly and old as the cabinet was outside , nothing could have been more rich and beautiful than what met the Prince 's astonished eyes . Every drawer was made of crystal , of amber , or of some precious stone , and was quite full of every kind of treasure . Prince Curlicue was delighted ; he opened one after another , until at last he came to one tiny drawer which contained only an emerald key . ' I believe that this must open that little golden door in the middle , ' said the Prince to himself . And he fitted in the little key and turned it . The tiny door swung back , and a soft crimson light gleamed over the whole cabinet . The Prince found that it proceeded from an immense glowing carbuncle , made into a box , which lay before him . He lost no time in opening it , but what was his horror when he found that it contained a man 's hand , which was holding a portrait . His first thought was to put back the terrible box and fly from the turret ; but a voice in his ear said , ' This hand belonged to one whom you can help and restore . Look at this beautiful portrait , the original of which was the cause of all my misfortunes , and if you wish to help me , go without a moment 's delay to the great gallery , notice where the sun 's rays fall most brightly , and if you seek there you will find my treasure . ' The Prince took the hint , and lifting aside the picture without difficulty , found himself in a marble hall adorned with statues ; from this he passed on through numbers of splendid rooms , until at last he reached one all hung with blue gauze . The walls were of turquoises , and upon a low couch lay a lovely lady , who seemed to be asleep . Her hair , black as ebony , was spread across the pillows , making her face look ivory white , and the Prince noticed that she was unquiet ; and when he softly advanced , fearing to wake her , he could hear her sigh , and murmur to herself : ' Ah ! stay , dear love , stay , ' she cried . But the Eagle , uttering a dolorous cry , fluttered his broad wings and disappeared . Then the lady turned to Prince Curlicue , and said : ' That is very amiable of you , dear Prince , ' said the Fairy , ' but it is reserved for another person to do that . I cannot explain more at present . But is there nothing you wish for yourself ? ' King Grumpy was quite delighted to hear that his son was ill , for he thought that he would all the sooner be brought to do as he wished , and marry the Princess . So he sent back to the guards to say that the Prince was to be treated as severely as before , which was just what they had hoped he would say . In the meantime the Princess Cabbage - Stalk had reached the palace , travelling in a litter . At this juncture the guards , who were in great fear that they would be found out , sent to tell the King that his son was dead , which annoyed him very much . He at once made up his mind that it was entirely the Princess 's fault , and gave orders that she should be imprisoned in the tower in Prince Curlicue 's place . The Princess Cabbage - Stalk was immensely astonished at this unjust proceeding , and sent many messages of remonstrance to King Grumpy , but he was in such a temper that no one dared to deliver them , or to send the letters which the Princess wrote to her father . However , as she did not know this , she lived in hope of soon going back to her own country , and tried to amuse herself as well as she could until the time should come . Every day she walked up and down the long gallery , until she too was attracted and fascinated by the ever - changing pictures in the windows , and recognised herself in one of the figures . ' They seem to have taken a great delight in painting me since I came to this country , ' she said to herself . ' One would think that I and my crutch were put in on purpose to make that slim , charming young shepherdess in the next picture look prettier by contrast . Ah ! how nice it would be to be as pretty as that . ' And then she looked at herself in a mirror , and turned away quickly with tears in her eyes from the doleful sight . All at once she became aware that she was not alone , for behind her stood a tiny old woman in a cap , who was as ugly again as herself and quite as lame . ' Princess , ' she said , ' your regrets are so piteous that I have come to offer you the choice of goodness or beauty . If you wish to be pretty you shall have your way , but you will also be vain , capricious , and frivolous . If you remain as you are now , you shall be wise and amiable and modest . ' ' No , child , ' answered the old woman , ' only to you it is decreed that you must choose between the two . See , I have brought with me my white and yellow muff . Breathe upon the yellow side and you will become like the pretty shepherdess you so much admire , and you will have won the love of the handsome shepherd whose picture I have already seen you studying with interest . Breathe upon the white side and your looks will not alter , but you will grow better and happier day by day . Now you may choose . ' ' If I could but get up into the turret , ' she thought , ' to see if any one is coming . ' But to climb up there seemed impossible . Nevertheless she presently hit upon a plan . The great clock was in the turret , as she knew , though the weights hung down into the gallery . Taking one of them off the rope , she tied herself on in its place , and when the clock was wound , up she went triumphantly into the turret . She looked out over the country the first thing , but seeing nothing she sat down to rest a little , and accidentally leant back against the wall which Curlicue , or rather Prince Peerless , had so hastily mended . Out fell the broken stone , and with it the golden key . The clatter it made upon the floor attracted the Princess Cabbage - Stalk 's attention . She picked it up , and after a moment 's consideration decided that it must belong to the curious old cabinet in the corner , which had no visible keyhole . And then it was not long before she had it open , and was admiring the treasures it contained as much as Prince Peerless had done before her , and at last she came to the carbuncle box . No sooner had she opened it than with a shudder of horror she tried to throw it down , but found that some mysterious power compelled her to hold it against her will . And at this moment a voice in her ear said softly : Terrified as the Princess was , she did not hesitate to obey , and hastened to put back all the other precious things precisely as she had found them . By this time her guards were seeking her everywhere , and they were amazed to find her up in the turret , for they said she could only have got there by magic . For three days nothing happened , but at last in the night the Princess heard something flutter against her window , and drawing back her curtains she saw in the moonlight that it was an Eagle . ' Princess , ' said he , ' for two hundred years has a wicked enchanter kept me here . We both loved the same Fairy , but she pre - ferred me . However , he was more powerful than I , and succeeded , when for a moment I was off my guard , in changing me into an Eagle , while my Queen was left in an enchanted sleep . I knew that after two hundred years a Prince would recall her to the light of day , and a Princess , in restoring to me the hand which my enemy had cut off , would give me back my natural form . The Fairy who watches over your destiny told me this , and it was she who guided you to the cabinet in the turret , where she had placed my hand . It is she also who permits me to show my gratitude to you by granting whatever favour you may ask of me . Tell me , Princess , what is it that you wish for most ? Shall I make you as beautiful as you deserve to be ? ' And so saying he disappeared , and the Princess , without knowing how she got there , found herself walking under shady trees by a clear river . Of course , the first thing she did was to look at her own reflection in the water , and she was extremely surprised to find that she was exactly like the shepherdess she had so much admired , and wore the same white dress and flowery wreath that she had seen in the painted windows . To complete the resemblance , her flock of sheep appeared , grazing round her , and she found a gay crook adorned with flowers upon the bank of the river . Quite tired out by so many new and wonderful experiences , the Princess sat down to rest at the foot of a tree , and there she fell fast asleep . Now it happened that it was in this very country that Prince Peerless had been set down , and while the Princess Sunbeam was still sleeping peacefully , he came strolling along in search of a shady pasture for his sheep . He was still watching her admiringly when the Princess opened her eyes , and as she also recognised him they were soon great friends . The Princess asked Prince Peerless , as he knew the country better than she did , to tell her of some peasant who would give her a lodging , and he said he knew of an old woman whose cottage would be the very place for her , it was so nice and so pretty . So they went there together , and the Princess was charmed with the old woman and everything belonging to her . Supper was soon spread for her under a shady tree , and she invited the Prince to share the cream and brown bread which the old woman provided . This he was delighted to do , and having first fetched from his own garden all the strawberries , cherries , nuts and flowers he could find . they sat down together and were very merry . After this they met every day as they guarded their flocks , and were so happy that Prince Peerless begged the Princess to marry him , so that they might never be parted again . Now though the Princess Sunbeam appeared to be only a poor shepherdess , she never forgot that she was a real Princess , and she was not at all sure that she ought to marry a humble shepherd , though she knew she would like to do so very much . The grass and briers were growing as high as if it were a hundred years since anyone had set foot there , but the Princess got through at last , though she gave herself a good many scratches by the way , and then she went into a dark , gloomy hall , where there was but one tiny hole in the wall through which the daylight could enter . The hangings were all of bats ' wings , and from the ceiling hung twelve cats , who filled the hall with their ear piercing yells . Upon the long table twelve mice were fastened by the tail , and just in front of each one 's nose , but quite beyond its reach , lay a tempting morsel of fat bacon . So the cats could always see the mice , but could not touch them , and the hungry mice were tormented by the sight and smell of the delicious morsels which they could never seize . The Princess was looking at the poor creatures in dismay , when the Enchanter suddenly entered , wearing a long black robe and with a crocodile upon his head . In his hand he carried a whip made of twenty long snakes , all alive and writhing , and the Princess was so terrified at the sight that she heartily wished she had never come . Without saying a word she ran to the door , but it was covered with a thick spider 's web , and when she broke it she found another , and another , and another . In fact , there was no end to them ; the Princess 's arms ached with tearing them down , and yet she was no nearer to getting out , and the wicked Enchanter behind her laughed maliciously . At last he said : ' You might spend the rest of your life over that without doing any good , but as you are young , and quite the prettiest creature I have seen for a long time , I will marry you if you like , and I will give you those cats and mice that you see there for your own . They are princes and princesses who have happened to offend me . They used to love one another as much as they now hate one another . Aha ! It 's a pretty little revenge to keep them like that . ' ' In that case , ' said the Enchanter , touching her , ' you had better become a particular kind of creature that is neither fish nor fowl ; you shall be light and airy , and as green as the grass you live in . Off with you , Madam Grasshopper . ' And the Princess , rejoicing to find herself free once more , skipped out into the garden , the prettiest little green Grasshopper in the world . But as soon as she was safely out she began to be rather sorry for herself . ' Ah ! Florimond , ' she sighed , ' is this the end of your gift ? Certainly beauty is short - lived , and this funny little face and a green crape dress are a comical end to it . I had better have married my amiable shepherd . It must be for my pride that I am condemned to be a Grasshopper , and sing day and night in the grass by this brook , when I feel far more inclined to cry . ' The Prince thanked her heartily and set out . As he met with no hindrance , he soon reached the enchanted wood which surrounded the castle , and there he thought he saw the Princess Sunbeam gliding before him among the trees . Prince Peerless hastened after her at the top of his speed , but could not get any nearer ; then he called to her : But the phantom did but fly the faster , and the Prince spent the whole day in this vain pursuit . When night came he saw the castle before him all lighted up , and as he imagined that the Princess must be in it , he made haste to get there too . He entered without difficulty , and in the hall the terrible old Fairy met him . She was so thin that the light shone through her , and her eyes glowed like lamps ; her skin was like a shark 's , her arms were thin as laths , and her fingers like spindles . Nevertheless she wore rouge and patches , a mantle of silver brocade and a crown of diamonds , and her dress was covered with jewels , and green and pink ribbons . ' At last you have come to see me , Prince , ' said she . ' Don 't waste another thought upon that little shepherdess , who is unworthy of your notice . I am the Queen of the Comets , and can bring you to great honour if you will marry me . ' Thereupon the Fairy , in a rage , gave two strokes of her wand and filled the gallery with horrible goblins , against whom the Prince had to fight for his life . Though he had only his dagger , he defended himself so well that he escaped without any harm , and presently the old Fairy stopped the fray and asked the Prince if he was still of the same mind . When he answered firmly that he was , she called up the appearance of the Princess Sunbeam to the other end of the gallery , and said : ' I have pulled my tail off , ' replied the younger Mouse , ' but as I should still be on the sorcerer 's table unless I had , I do not regret it . Are we pursued , think you ? How lucky we were to escape ! ' ' Oh dear , yes ! as well as the way to my own house , Madam . This Golden Branch is indeed a marvel , a single leaf from it makes one rich for ever . It breaks enchantments , and makes all who approach it young and beautiful . We must set out for it at the break of day . ' It grew in the midst of a wonderful garden , all the paths of which were strewn with pearls as big as peas . The roses were crimson diamonds , with emerald leaves . The pomegranates were garnets , the marigolds topazes , the daffodils yellow diamonds , the violets sapphires , the corn - flowers turquoises , the tulips amethysts , opals and diamonds , so that the garden borders blazed like the sun . The Golden Branch itself had become as tall as a forest tree , and sparkled with ruby cherries to its topmost twig . No sooner had the Grasshopper and the Cricket touched it than they were restored to their natural forms , and their surprise and joy were great when they recognised each other . At this moment Florimond and the Fairy Douceline appeared in great splendour , and the Fairy , as she descended from her chariot , said with a smile : ' So you two have found one another again , I see , but I have still a surprise left for you . Don 't hesitate , Princess , to tell your devoted shepherd how dearly you love him , as he is the very Prince your father sent you to marry . So come here both of you and let me crown you , and we will have the wedding at once . ' ' Really , ' said the Fairy Douceline , ' on this happy occasion I cannot find it in my heart to refuse you anything . ' And she gave three strokes of her wand upon the Golden Branch , and immediately all the prisoners in the Enchanter 's castle found themselves free , and came with all speed to the wonderful garden , where one touch of the Golden Branch restored each one to his natural form , and they greeted one another with many rejoicings . To complete her generous work the Fairy presented them with the wonderful cabinet and all the treasures it contained , which were worth at least ten kingdoms . But to Prince Peerless and the Princess Sunbeam she gave the palace and garden of the Golden Branch , where , immensely rich and greatly beloved by all their subjects , they lived happily ever after . |
About three years ago I wanted to do some simple knitting to try to keep my tingly fingers opertive . At the same time my daughter volunteered to dress as a Trauma Teddy for the launch of Red Cross Calling month . I spoke the the ladies from Red Cross , and got myself a pattern for the Trauma Teddies . These are simple little bears made and donated to be given ( mainly to children ) when they are in an ambulance , in Emergency Departments , involved in any traumatic experience . I wish I had kept count of how many I 've actually made - but it has to be over 100 in the first year and a bit . Then I slacked off a bit , and didn 't get so many made . Now I 'm on a roll again , and have currently done about 20 . The first bears went to Red Cross , then some were hijacked for the Oncology Unit at the hospital - they became " Dammit Bears " - used to thump on a bench when things are getting you down . More for the Red Cross , but now I am doing them for Melon 's Cottage in Lakes Entrance . As can be seen from the press release ( see link ) the cottage provides respite holidays for families with seriously ill children . Each child staying at the cottage is given a goodie bag , with , among other things , a bear or toy inside . The latest bears I have been making have red and green clothes - just in time for Christmas . I 've got three completed , and a fourth almost ready to go , so this afternoon I 'll take them over to Mum 's so she can deliver them this week . . . . . . . . . since I added to this blog . I have been having a bit of a rough trot of it lately . The time has come to make the change back to intravenous chemo . My marker went from 52 to 103 in three weeks . I am now on Navelbine - one dose per week for three weeks , then a week off . According to John it shouldn 't make me crook . I 've got news for him ! I had my first treatment , and felt quite good for the couple of days afterwards . Fronted up for the second dose the following week - again , pretty good for the first couple of days , then on the Sunday I crashed big time . Spent the day in bed , feeling quite off . Bill took temperature at about 8pm . It was 38 . 5 so off we went to Casualty . I was neutropenic , and I had a gastric infection that was causing dreadful diaorrhea . I was in a singlle bed ward in Flanagan . As usual the nurses were lovely , especially considering the yucky task I had for them several times a day , sometimes within the space of five minutes ! I ended up being in hospital for 8 days ! I don 't remember some of them . I had a lovely lot of visitiors though - some even accidental . John and Julie , Mum and Jim , Clare , Wayne and Abbey , Judi , Bill of course , Andrea and David Fail , Jenni and Dennis Toleman , Erica ( chemo nurse ) , Amanda ( I think ) , Anne and Jim , Charlie Edney and Bob Richards , Jan Richards , Kaye Richards . It was funny when Bob and Charlie were there - I looked up and saw them standing at the door - how did they know I was in ? Then Charlie said he was looking for Jan Roberts - yes , that 's me , and Bob corrected him and said Jan Richards . Turns out Jan had been in the same room two days before , but had been moved . Neither of them recognised me without any hair , and didn 't see Bill sitting in the corner . They quickly scurried off to find Jan . Bill stopped in to see Jan on his way out , so the next time Charlie and Bob came she told them I was in Room 16 and they came to visit intentionally . Jan also told Kaye Richards that I was in , so she visited a couple of times too . It was nice to have so many visitiors . JA week later I saw John again , and had the first dose of round 2 . We decided to go away for a few days , to Eden . Again , all was well for the first couple of days , but I had 4 days of dry retching after that . It started in Eden , but we stayed until the Monday as we had planned . Apparently I was quite white on the trip home ! The next day we were in town , and I started to feel really hot . I didn 't want to go to Casualty and say " I think I have a temperature " so we went to the District Nurses . I must have been more than a bit pale there too , because when Amanda saw me she said " Oh , my God ! " Anyway , temp was OK so I settled down a bit and we went on our way . Had chemo the next day . Port has been playing up , not giving a blood flashback - so next time they were going to pump some special drug through , leave it to take effect and then see if they can get blood . Was actually quite good for the whole week . John had added dexmethsone to my drug list to help with feeling better . Had blood tests before the next dose , just to make sure I wasn 't neutropenic . Neutrophils were down to 2 . 2 , which might mean they been lower , but were going up , or it might have been the lowest they went . Whatever , they weren 't terribly high , but hadn 't made me ill . Had the special drug into my port , and it seemed to have some effect . At least they got blood back and it was infusing faster than it did last week . Crashed a bit on the Friday , so started the dexmeth and seemed to be OK so far . Had a panic attack in Coles though . I don 't like using public toilets , but I felt the need in Coles , and I knew they had refurbished the loos , so down ( literally - six steep steps down ) I went . Horrified when I saw that their refurbishment hadn 't included hand rails . Had no choice but to continue , but then faced the dilemma of how to get myself up - as the cistern was flush in the wall so I couldn 't lean on it to lever myself up . I got quite panicky because I just couldn 't see how I was going to get up . Eventually I did . There was another lady who had come in while I was there - she spoke to me , and said she had heard me huffing and puffing and was going to ask if I was alright when I appeared . Bless her . I went to the service desk to tell them how disappointed I was that they hadn 't thought to include hand rails . Don 't know if it will have any effect . Yet another beloved person has passed . This time it was my Uncle Bob , Dad 's brother who succumbed to the lung cancer that he had been fighting for about 12 months . I didn 't have a close relationship with Dad , but I adored his brother . Bob was just the nicest person . One of my earliest memories is of the time when Joan left to go to England , supposedly for 6 months . She is still there today , although after 16 years away she did return for a number of holidays . I clearly remember the day at our house when Joan gave me a celluloid doll . It was very old and fragile then , it must have been hers , but I don 't know its history before that . This photo of Mum , Dad , Joan , Bob , John , Me and the doll was taken a couple of days before Joan sailed . I remember the day clearly . I also remember going to Aunty May 's house to take some of Joans belongings down to the ship , and then waving goodbye at Station Pier . I remember going on to the ship . And Bob was part of eachof those memories . This photo was taken at an Indian restaurant ( Bob and Lin 's favoutire ) on the occasion of Bob 's 70th Birthday . It is thanks to this event that Bill and I are so keen on Indian food . The photo of Bob and his boys was taken the same night . I have so many memories of Bob . He had a lovely German Shepherd named King . He was Bob 's companion , because he didn 't marry until he was 33 . At one stage Bob was living in a converted garage at the home of some Dutch people . King lived there too . One day a friend of the people pulled King 's tail , and he reacted and bit the man . Sadly , the man insisted that King was viscious and must be put down . King wouldn 't hurt a flea ! As kids we used to ride on his back . I can remember feeling outraged that a silly man could have such a beautiful dog destroyed for something that he had provoked . Another memory I have is Bob singing a song , and he told me that when he was about 4 he sang it on the radio . The song was " Little Mister Baggy Britches " . I hadn 't thought of this song for years , but as we were driving back from Merimbula so we could go to Bob 's funeral it popped into my head out of the blue . Apparently it has several verses , but I only remember Bob singing the chorus : I was saddened when Bob and Bev separated , but he was so happy when he met his second wife , Lin . I was proud to be one of a select few people who were at Bob and Lin 's wedding . If I remember rightly , I was also a witness . Maybe someone will correct me if I am wrong . Every year , without fail , Bob would ring me on my birthday . I know this year I was so afraid he wouldn 't be well enough to ring , or even think of it . But sure enough , the phone call came . I was so happy . He sounded cheerful , and full of spirit . I told him we were planning a visit . Little did I know it would be the last time I spoke to him . I will be forever grateful that my last words to him were " I love you " . Tonight I lit a candle for my Dad . He was cremated today . This afternoon I wrote him a letter , explaining exactly why I couldn 't be close to him , but also thanking him for the good memories and my love of music . I told him I did / do love him , and that I have always remembered him as my Dad , even though we weren 't close . After lighting the candle I played " Abide With Me " by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir - Dad had told me when I was a child that he wanted it played at his funeral . I read the letter , and I looked at photos of Dad . Then I took the candle outside onto the verandah and used it to light the letter . So , I had my own private little ceremony to mark the passing of my Dad . RIP Dad . I decided this morning that I did want to put a notice in the paper - with no funeral , and not even a notice from Olive in today 's paper I didn 't want Dad to just ' disappear ' - I felt there had to be some acknowledgement that he had passed . So I rang the Herald - Sun to place a bereavement notice . But as there hadn 't been a notice from " the main family " my notice would be kept on hold until the funeral director notified of a ' family ' notice . I suddenly found myself in tears - he was denying me the right to mark my father 's death unless Olive did , and I was pretty sure she wasn 't going to . I tried to explain the circumstances , and that I was not on speaking terms with my step - mother . He did go to speak to a supervisor to see if there was anything they could do , but no , rules were rules . I had to at least be able to let them know who the undertaker was , so they could ring to confirm . So then I rang Willowood Retirement Village to ask the name of the doctor who certified the death - but they wouldn 't tell me as they didn 't have my name as next of kin ! Did I want to speak to Olive ? - no I didn 't ! So I spoke to the manager - same story . However , she did eventually tell me the name of the funeral director . Rang Whitelady Funerals in Mornington as that seemed the most likely , and they were indeed making the arrangements . I spoke to a lady called Anna who was wonderful - as Bill said , she was a bit of a pscychologist , because she talked me through a lot of my feelings and said it was clear to see I had ' unresolved issues ' and suggested some things I could consider doing - such as lighting a candle for Dad , and perhaps writing him a letter explaining how I feel and using the candle to burn the letter . I asked if it was at all possible for them to play " Abide With Me " at some time during the cremation , but of course they can 't . Dad had told me when I was a child that he wanted " Abide With Me " at his funeral . Anna is going to ring me to let me know exactly when the cremation will be , and I will have my own quiet devotions at home on that day . And at least I was able to give Anna some correct details for the death certificate . Dad died this morning ! My brother rang at 8 : 00 to let me know . Sadly , I am not upset . I haven 't had a close relationship with Dad for many years . I don 't think I 've spoken to him since my birthday last year when he rang to wish me happy birthday - on the Sunday in case I was at work on my birthday . Dad was slipping into dementia and had obviously forgotten I hadn 't worked for over three years at that stage . Even as a child I didn 't feel close to Dad , although I did love him I guess . When he and Mum split up John and I stayed with Dad at first . There was the opportunity to get close to Dad . However , he soon decided he was going to bring Olive into our home - and there the trouble started . It still hurts after all these years . Mum had left for another man - and initially I told her I didn 't want to meet him , he 'd broken up our home . But once I got to know him I began to love him , and now have a wonderful relationship with him . Olive was another matter . I knew about her , because she 'd been to visit once or twice . Then Dad told me one day that Olive was coming that day . I presumed for dinner . Wrong ! Without any discussion or anything she was moving in . I asked Dad for a little more time to get used to the idea before she came into our home and took my mother 's place . But no , that didn 't suit madam - she had to leave her current husband there and then , but proceeded to go to work with him every day for the next twelve months or so ! And there was no easing into the role of step - mother - she took over from the moment she walked in . With one of her previous husbands she had lived in Malaya for a time , and had an Ahmah . Well , she thought I was going to become her Ahmah . Then she convinced Dad to move to Melbourne , uprooting the whole family . I didn 't go with them , instead moving to live with Mum and Jim . Strange , I can 't remember if I managed to keep in touch with Dad after the move to Melbourne . I know there was a period of about two years when I didn 't have any contact . Of course , I was away at college too , and I can 't remember what contact I had with Dad during that time . I know I went to Dad and Olive 's wedding . Then I got engaged . I remember making contact with Dad at that time because his sister , my aunt Joan , had come out from England and I was going to my Uncle Bob 's place for the day . Dad was going to be there . From that point on I had a fairly normal relationship . My first husband and I would go for Sunday lunch once a fortnight , and the alternate fortnight they would come to us . When I got married it was a bit awkward . Dad wanted to give me away , but I wanted Jim to do it , because he was paying for the wedding ( Dad wouldn 't contribute because it might be spent on alcohol ! ) I thought I had solved the problem by not actually having anyone give me away , although Jim did drive to the Church with me . Reg met me at the back of the Church and we walked down the aisle together . But Mum didn 't want Dad at the reception because it was to be held at her house in the garden - I thought that was a bit unreasonable , but abided by her wishes . Sadly , Dad convinced Bob and his wife not to go to the reception either . When my first husband , Reg , died in 1990 I naturally rang Dad to tell him . His response - we can 't come to the funeral . He was waiting for me to say I 'd pay for them to get there , but I wasn 't going to . Another time I was talking to Dad on the phone and I could hear Olive in the background - " Ask her how the girl is , you know , the girl , what 's her name ? " Her name was Susan , and she was their granddaughter ! Dad hasn 't remembered Susan at birthday or Christmas for so long I can 't remember when was the last time . Same thing happened when I told him I was getting married to Bill - " We won 't be able to come " even before he knew the date . About two years ago Bill and I were holidaying in Queensland when I got a phone call from my brother to say Dad was in hospital and wasn 't expected to last long . I remember crying in the Atherton street . We called to see him in Berwick Hospital on our way home - and I cried again . Ironically Dad seemed to spark up once I arrived - even John commented on it . Whatever the reason , Dad survived . Today I haven 't cried . When I told Susan she expected I would be upset . I 'm not . I 'm sad to think that even if Dad has kept ANYTHING from the past ( family mementoes , photos etc . ) Olive is unlikely to consider John or I might like them . Susan said some wise words - " It is OK to mourn for what you didn 't have . " I guess that 's what I 'm really doing , because I do regret that I didn 't have a better relationship with my Dad - but he made his choice , Olive was more important than his family . I wrote Dad a letter some time ago , in which I thanked him for things he had done for me . I thanked him for my love of music , for taking me to the massed Pipe Bands in South Melbourne when I was a child - what a wonderful experience . I love bagpipe music , and this experience was Oscar and Hammerstein and Gilbert and Sullivan . I also love hymns and Gospel Music . John and I used to have to take it in turns to dry the dishes , which Dad musicals . I loved it . Funny , I just searched my computer for a copy of the letter I wrote to Dad , and it isn 't there . Maybe I hand wrote it . When will this stop ! Just before we went away we learned that our dear friend Jeanie Muller hadn 't long to live . The bowel cancer that has attacked her three times since just before I was diagnosed with my secondary has finally won . Jeanie was hospitalised a few times due to fluid build up in her lungs . Her breathing became difficult and she wasn 't eating much . When we arrived home there was a brief email from Gordon letting us know that if we wanted to see her we 'd best make it sooner rather than later . She 'd been in hospital again too . Then Arthur told us Jeanie was home , but on oxygen and in a hospital bed . I desperately wanted to see her before it was too late , but Bill was unsure . Basically he didn 't know if he could handle it as it was pretty close to home given that he 'll be in the same position as Gordon at some time . There was the added complication that I had brought home a rotten cough from our holiday . I didn 't want to pass it on to Jeanie and give her something else her poor body had to deal with . I decided to leave it up to Gordon - if he said he didn 't want to risk my passing on my cough to Jeanie we wouldn 't go . So yesterday morning we headed off to say our goodbyes . When we arrived Jeanie was sleeping peacefully . Bill and I think she was actually in a coma . We talked to her as if she could hear us , and I have to believe that she did . She was peaceful , not in pain and obviously not under any stress . But it was so sad to see the vivacious Jeanie we remember , just lying there . When we were in Bairnsdale I got a call from Ann Leeson wondering if we had managed to see Jeanie . I told her we had , and that she was fading fast . Gordon had said he doubted if she would last till the weekend . Ann decided she 'd ring Gordon to see if they could pop around that evening . Life is so unfair sometimes . Jeanie was a wonderful lady , a fantastic friend , very kind - hearted . When Bill and I got together Jeanie and Gordon accepted me into their circle of friends as if I had known them all along . We had some wonderful times together , especially at Omeo . God Bless you Jeanie - you will be missed so much . I am so glad we were able to spend some time with you and Gordon yesterday . I love you my friend . Sleep peacefully . Retired due to ill health . An educator . Primary Teacher , Literacy / Numeracy Consultant , Principal , IT Consultant , Program / Training Manager in Adult Education . Now enjoying learning about e - tools , researching family history , knitting trauma teddies , holidaying . |
Well , this RV trip was different , and not what I expected . A friend just bought a small travel trailer and needed some practice maneuvering it . We decided a nearby camping trip with a third friend would be in order . They could go for a few days , but I could fit in only a 24 - hour period . It was a busy , exhausting week for me . I had little time to pack or prepared the RV . But it 's only a day and I was camping with friends , so that wouldn 't matter . It just didn 't seem to offer much relaxation - pack the RV , drive 20 miles , set up - and be there . Next morning pack up and go home . Few expectations , no disappointments . In March Cassie and I took off for Jemez Springs , northwest of Albuquerque . This time I took the car and stayed in a delightful retro motel - The Laughing Lizard . It 's right in ' downtown ' Jemez Springs and has a fine porch where I sat and watched the light on the bluffs to the west . Nice , clean rooms and friendly owners - it that weren 't enough , it 's next door to the Highway 4 Cafe . One of the finest little restaurants I 've experienced in New Mexico . My goal for the second part of this trip was El Morro RV Park - perhaps better known for its Ancient Way Cafe , an excellent restaurant . The park has cabins , camping , and full hook - ups for RVs , showers , washers and dryers , and great hiking . No cell service for me , but they do have wifi . I found a cosy site under the trees . Plugged in the camera battery charger and retired to my chair with my book . It was nice sitting outside reading . And watching for wildlife - many birds , a squirrel and a chipmunk . And chickens . Some of the permanent residents here keep hens . A delightful couple from Colorado were in the space next to me . They have a Tiger RV - only 16 ' long . Very sweet . We had breakfast together at the restaurant and then we walked around the property , by the cabins , through the outdoor art gallery . I stayed just two nights . At $ 30 / night , it 's more than I like to spend . And I wanted to get to the campground just down the road at El Morro National Monument . First we went to the visitors ' center and then hiked for a couple of hours - the long hike over the top . It was nice to be able to take all the time I wanted . It was a warm day and there 's not much shade on the top . Cassie had to stay on the leash all the time , but she still got a good workout . And she loves finding pools of water . Not far from the visitors ' center is the El Morro Campground - no services except vault toilets . But the sites are beautiful . And it 's free . I picked an east - facing site . It would be perfect to watch the full moon rise . There are only nine spaces here and they filled quickly for the weekend . Folks came on Saturday to pick piñons . When they left , elk ventured in . I met my neighbor - a women traveling in a van with a severely disabled man and a big husky - like dog . All interesting beings , but quite a job camping under those circumstances . And they do it fairly often . I was impressed . Made my outings look so simple . And I met a nomadic woman who was from Santa Cruz , my old stomping grounds . Current Santa Cruz sure sounds different from my time there in the 80s and 90s . I think the town got fat and greedy . This camper lives a fascinating life and I hope to have her as a friend . I invited her to visit Truth or Consequences . One of the benefits of camping for me is meeting folks who like a similar lifestyle . Even before I bought the RV I knew this was a trip I wanted to take : El Malpais and El Morro - National Monuments in New Mexico . And October is a beautiful month here . Cottonwoods are turning yellow and gold ; skies are full of cloud and color . Cool enough to hike , warm enough to sit outside . The drive there took longer than I expected - I really drive slowly . Going north on I - 25 I saw many RVs and trucks with travel trailers headed south . Snowbird migration has started . I - 25 was easy driving . And then I turned west on Highway 6 at Las Lunas to cut across to I - 40 . At that point I have to get on the interstate for a few miles and I thought that might help me make better time . Awful . Lots of traffic - trucks , big RVs , everything going fast . I got off at the first exit - it allowed me to get on Route 66 . Sigh . It 's a beautiful drive through Laguna , Paraje , Budville , Cubero , San Fidel , and McCarty 's to the turn - off south on Highway 117 to El Malpais . I was sorry to see that the Ranger Station and Visitor Center are closed permanently . I stopped at the Joe Skeen campground . There are about 8 or 10 campsites - picnic tables , shelters , and vault toilets - no other facilities . There were only a couple of other campers , but some very noisy coyotes ! And dark , starry skies . The campsite was at the base of a bluff with an easy trail to the top where we could wander for miles . Cassie and I both liked it . We walked there every day , sometimes twice . My camera batteries were low - major crisis ! I have no way to recharge them except running the generator . No one was around so I ran it about an hour . Annoying . A better plan is to move to the El Morro RV park to get electric hook - ups . Leaving Joe Skeen I went sightseeing by way of the top of the Sandstone Bluffs which overlook the lava fields . And a little way down Highway 117 to see Ventana Arch and the part of the Continental Divide Trails that crossed the malpais . Then it 's just a short drive to the RV park . There are two roads from Hillsboro to City of Rocks State Park . One goes over the Black Range through Emory Pass - shorter , but a climb on mountain roads . Not my winter choice . I took the flatter way - south to Nutt and west to Highway 180 . Turning off on Highway 61 ( not Dylan 's ) I went past Faywood Hot Springs to the park entrance . It was an easy 90 miles . There seemed to be a lot of traffic , then I remembered it was the Christmas weekend . I found a fine campsite at # 34 - Lacerta . The sites are named for constellations and Lacerta is the lizard . I liked that . I needed to level the RV and did , but I don 't like the method I have - the yellow interlocking blocks . They sank into the soft ground giving me only half the change I wanted . Research time . Walked through the rocks , watched young folks playing . The boulders remind me of being a kid in east San Diego county . Lots of granite boulders there - a few as big as these . Caves and forts and hideouts . A great place to play . I met Davey , a nomad who travels with three dogs in his car . He invited me back for a drink later . Nice , but not my thing : drinking or being out after dark ! His parting shot , " I have TV " pretty much sealed it . I understand if you are a full - time RVer , that a TV is nice , but that 's not what I want camping . There were no camps within several hundred yards of mine . Something in me relaxes with that . There was a raven in the oak tree , and just after sunset , an owl on top of a tall rock . And later coyotes yipping . We walked several times a day - around and through the rocks and on the perimeter trails . There were miles of trails we didn 't get to . Cassie had to be on a leash all the time . It 's hard to tire her out that way . On one walk we met Cheryl - our nearest neighbor . She is making plans to photograph all the state parks - quite an ambitious and worthy goal . It was a windy night - buffeted the RV . I didn 't envy the folks in tents . Woke up on Christmas morning to an inch or two of snow . And still snowing - horizontally . Beautiful . This is Christmas 61 AB - After Buck - the glorious day I got my first horse . The wind quieted down for a while , so we walked . No one else in the rocks . The peaks to the far west ( Bullard and Burro Peaks ? ) were covered in snow . The wind picked up and it started snowing again . We headed back for shelter . I finished my book by noon . Oh dear , never get caught without a book to read ! The wind continued ; the snow stopped and was soon blown away . Monday morning was windy and cold - in the teens . The kettle was on and I could hear the owls again . Walked through the rocks after sunrise and saw a fine red tail hawk facing the sun trying to get warm . I understood . By noon I decided to head home . On this whole trip , there was no sitting - outside - in - a - chair time . This trip would cover holidays at least from Solstice through Christmas . And it would be different for me because on our first stop , we would stay at an RV park . Usually I prefer campgrounds - often state parks . Hillsboro RV Park is not what I imagined most RV parks to be . It 's not very big , it 's charming and close to the center of a small town . And it is still a work in progress . It backs up against Percha Creek which was a babbling stream when we arrived . The owner , Kristen , is renovating vintage trailers which will be for rent . Vintage trailers or RV parking or camping - so much in a small space . She 's also working on a fire pit and hot tub area . Kirsten is a high school art teacher and it shows in the details of her work . She re - purposed the backdrop from the senior prom - a canvas painting of the Titanic 's ballroom - into framed pieces that make up the walls of the shower room . There is wi - fi in the park , but no cell service in the entire valley . It was just a 34 mile drive for us . I liked that . There were three other RVs there , so I had my choice of many spaces . None are large , but they are comfortable and level . One occupant I never saw or heard , but the others were friendly and respectful . My immediate neighbor , Charles , has a travel trailer . He had come out from Virginia on a motorcycle in October and returned before Christmas with the trailer . Farther away was Milo , a musician with a recording studio in his RV / bus . I didn 't get to talk with him much , but he certainly seemed to live an interesting , creative life . [ Update : 1 / 7 / 17 I just heard Milo Matthews perform at the local Art Jam tonight . He 's amazing - multi - talented singer songwriter . I recommend checking out his itinerary in case he will be in your town . ] The first afternoon we took a short walk down the main street and back on the levee trail . I saw three deer across from the museum . Cassie didn 't see them . She was leashed , so it would have been okay . Hillsboro was very quiet this Tuesday before Solstice . Nothing open except the Post Office . The cafe here is very good , but closed during the holidays . On Solstice morning , it was a little too cold to have the door open . I missed that . It was also quite overcast , so the the sun 's light was diffused . I fixed my favorite start to the day : tea and oranges . " All the way from China " ( Suzanne ) . Thank you Mr . Cohen . My book for this trip was " Fingersmith " by Sara Waters . I did like the plot twists , but it 's not what I want when I camp . It 's set in 1860 's London - urban , dirty , violent , not compatible with the great outdoors . Later that morning we walked around town , up to the courthouse ruins , and to the cemetery . I lost my phone ( see the whole story here ) . Eventually I got it back , but losing things is exhausting . It rained Wednesday night and most of Thursday . Steady rain - so beneficial , but there was no sitting outside . In all my time here I saw little wildlife . I did hear a noisy woodpecker . It was hard to see and impossible to photograph . I had lunch at a friend 's home : good company - fun , intelligent - and good food . Having left Cassie for several hours , she was ready to play when I returned . Throwing the ball for her was not easy nor much fun in the RV . And didn 't give her nearly enough exercise . I planned to give her a good run on Friday . I was hoping to cross the creek and let her run on the other side , but by morning the creek was too high to cross . Hillsboro RV Park is a charming park along Percha Creek . I ended up staying three days . On our first morning walk Cassie , my rescue mutt , and I went by the Post Office and I read the notes on the bulletin board : upcoming concert , lost keys in the cemetery , help wanted , accordion for sale , free cow manure , and other important topics . Then past the cafe and up to the courthouse ruins . I like taking photos in cemeteries , so we headed up the hill - the cemetery overlooks the valley . The heavy gate was closed so I climbed through and Cassie went under . The plots are dry and overgrown with grasses and a few mesquite bushes . We meandered through all sections of the cemetery . Most photos I took with my ' real ' camera and a few with the phone camera . Spent over an hour there . Came back down the hill and took a few more photos at the museum yard . And took the creek trail to the RV park . After I was back 10 minutes I couldn 't find my phone . Looked everywhere in the RV . Thought maybe I had used it last at the museum so I retraced my path and found nothing . I was going to have to climb back up the hill to the cemetery . Cassie was delighted with this prospect ; me , not so much . The most likely place to have lost it was at the main gate when I clambered through . But no , it wasn 't there . I tried to reconstruct my wanderings through the graves to look at every path I took . Finally , I got back to the one place I knew I had taken a phone camera shot . Still no sighting . Then turned around and walked back . Suddenly I saw some shiny flash of color - not phone , but keys ! Probably the keys that the bulletin board alerted me to . I pocketed the keys and headed back down the hill . In this holiday season , the only place in town that was open was the post office . I handed the clerk the keys and the notice taken from the board . She said she would call . I left a note with her about my phone saying I was staying at the RV park . Walked back to the RV . My neighbor , Charles , asked if I found the phone . No , but I found someone 's keys . He said to see Kristen , the park owner , because she knows the woman who lost them . Turns out the woman had stayed at the park over Thanksgiving . I went to the post office to get the keys - Kristen would return them . When I got back , she was talking to a man in a car and called out to me . " He found your phone . " He left before I could do anything except shout ' thank you . ' He found the phone at the gate and took it to the post office - the only place in town that was open . On Thursday we walked to the cottonwoods again . I wanted to try to get a photo of the beavers ' tail smacks . After many photos of the splash , I finally tried a video . I did get it , but I need to practice the technique . I was bit shaky . The hill climb back was tough . I don 't usually do this long a hike everyday - this was the third day in a row . Cassie loves it . It would be a recliner day for me . I started reading " Visual Intelligence " by Amy Herman . Although I considered myself to be fairly observant , I 'm becoming aware of what I 'm not seeing . Her workshops are often presented to law enforcement - makes me think of everything like a witness ! What did I see ? What can I remember ? She also writes about ' inattentional blindness ' where we don 't see what 's right in front of us . I took a photo of a roadkill frog ( don 't ask why ) . It was only when I was back at the RV and looking through all the photos that I notices a big beetle on the frog . Never saw it when I took the picture . I decided I needed to read Herman 's book carefully . I hadn 't done any writing except this journal . I was hoping to get some genealogy and other blog posts done . It seemed so far away . I 'm barely interested in the genealogy anymore . It feels like a bit of a burden to share this information . But it would be a shame not to - I did so much work to collect it . Also my meditation has suffered here . Never even thought about it until today . I found the driver 's seat is a good meditation spot . Cassie waits patiently in her co - pilots seat . On Friday we walked farther - to the second group of cottonwoods . I saw one deer - luckily Cassie did not see it . This was an easy three - mile hike - except for that last quarter mile up the boat ramp . I was tired and happy . I figured I won 't walk there on a Saturday morning - too many folks coming in for the weekend . Spending this much time in the RV had me thinking of small improvements . I have too much stuff on the other side of the table - on that seat . I could move the clothes storage to the foot of the bed - lots of room there . And make a thinner bolster for the dinette seats . They are thick because they are the mattress if this is made into a bed , but I don 't do that . If the bolster were thinner , there would be more room on the seat and I would be more comfortable reading . I 've been using recycled plastic bags for trash . That 's okay for a day or two , but I need a decent closed container for these longer trips . I decided I want a curtain to hide the sleeping area . These are just small adjustments to make the RV more livable . I was back in the recliner watching a raven as it perched on a leafless tree over the overlook . It was a long way away but could make a nice photo especially if I could get it when it flies away . I tried to hold the focus ( shutter pressed halfway ) but my hand shook after a few minutes . Then the shutter finger tired and fired off a frame or three . Re - focused and started again . Finally the raven flew off . Mediocre photo , but at least I was persistent . My treat tonight : Ritz crackers ( really Trader Joe 's fine version ) and guacamole . This was a childhood favorite - maybe the first way I had guacamole . Heaven . I had kept up with the Facebook and Instagram posts that I wanted to . I was in an August photo - a - day challenge and missed only a couple . I 'm just learning Instagram ( mostly because my granddaughter is on it ) . So that became more routine . I posted on Cassie 's Facebook page ( CassieCorgi ) . That 's been fun . Our Saturday morning walk was to a new area - a picnic area near the entrance . It was strange . The gates are locked . It 's abandoned . There are maybe 50 shelters with no roofs , but still the tables and grills . It looked like ruins . I called it the Parthenon . Seems they had the roofs removed for repair , but didn 't like the cost , so they closed it . Beautiful area for picnics . Today would have been my sister 's wedding anniversary had she stayed married . No one celebrates it now ; I do remember though . It was back when she and I didn 't know who we were or what we wanted . And yet , she married - she was 21 , it was the time to marry . That was some of my feeling brought up by the book " So Long Marianne " - young women trying to find their way . Trying , stumbling , slowly finding the path . Painfully slow . My sister died over 20 years ago without really finding her way . I miss her . Friends from home arrived Saturday afternoon . They 've been touring with their granddaughter . We took a walk to the old picnic area . Very nice to have friends nearby . We were all leaving in the morning . Planning to leave made a different kind of evening . I 've finished both books . And I was thinking about what needs to be done to set off in the morning . The leaving had begun . And I think that 's why this longer trip ( 7 days ) in one place was so nice . It takes the driving day to settle in . And the last day is taken up with thoughts of leaving . Good to have lots of days in between for me . It was almost all interstate driving , but traffic was light . I drive about 60 mph in the RV - the slowest driver on the freeway . Getting through Albuquerque was easy - no extra lane changes . I don 't like those . I think I need better mirrors . South of Socorro and just an hour from home we stopped so Cassie could get out for a few minutes . The wind was picking up . It wasn 't terrible , but this is a fairly high profile vehicle so the wind was noticed . Especially as the road goes across arroyos . Sheltered by road cuts , there 's no wind and then as the road goes through a canyon , the gusts hit . Off and on all the way . So I drove a little slower . There was almost no traffic here anyway . Along this stretch a truck pulling a fine Shasta trailer passed . Even I can recognize them - vintage " canned ham " trailers with the wings on the back corners . It looked immaculate . When I got off at the Truth or Consequences exit , that trailer was at the gas station . I pulled in to talk with the folks . Turns out the trailer is brand new - they are making a limited edition re - issue - same retro style with modern updates in appliances and plumbing . It was beautiful . I 'd like to have it to camp in , but I don 't want to have to tow it or set it up alone . While we talked about their trailer , their 8 year old son captured a highly rated Pokemon - only his second capture ever . They were all very surprised to find such a good one here . This was my first experience with Pokemon hunters . I had no idea what they were talking about . Another mile and we were home . It was a fine trip and we were happy to be back . I 'm already thinking about that next trip . Try to get to Heron Lake ? Or maybe El Malpais ? I like my trips to start on Sundays . I figure by the time I get there , the weekenders will be gone . But I left a lot till the last minute this time . I was overwhelmed with three trips to Las Cruces that week . The last one was on Friday and before I returned home the car 's ' check engine ' light and the ABS light were on and I realized I had only one headlamp . I still needed the car for errands , so I didn 't want to take it to the mechanic on Friday . I was still sewing window covers for the RV on Friday afternoon . I got hung up on my own arbitrary schedule . Decided to give myself the weekend to prepare , take the car to the mechanic on Monday and leave in the RV after that . I can leave on a trip any day I like . Problem solved . Monday morning , August 22nd , Cassie ( the mutt ) and I were on our way . My plan was to spend most of the time at Heron Lake in northern New Mexico . That 's too far for one day 's drive , so I planned to make a stop for a night or two at Cochiti Lake , just north of Albuquerque . It feels good to drive the RV . Cassie settles in easily in the passenger seat . On the way up we were passed by a van with this slogan " Gleewood - Bringing mountain music to those in need . " Made me smile . I found out later they are a band from Ruidoso , New Mexico . Has to be a fun group . I drove I - 25 all the way to the exit for Cochiti - about 200 freeway miles . I had looked on Google Earth at the campgrounds and campsites available . I decided on the Tetilla National Recreation area on the east side of the lake rather than the State Park on the west . It looked a little more isolated and I was hoping that meant it was quieter . The campsites that looked best online were already taken , but I found a fine one near the overlook . It 's easy now to set up the RV . I hooked up to the electric with my surge protector . And I covered the whole thing with a plastic bag . The cover to the plug didn 't stay on well and the surge protector seemed pretty exposed to rain and theft . I saw that someone covered theirs so I just copied . I turned on the propane , but I use it only for cooking and heating water . I leave the fridge on electric . I also leveled the RV , and then wondered if that was necessary since I wasn 't using the fridge on propane . It was good practice anyway . I paid for two nights . It 's more expensive here than at the State Park ( $ 10 v . $ 4 with passes ) but it was worth it to me . Both places have electric and water hook - ups , dump station , toilets and showers . Another part of the plan for this trip was to be more active on social media . I wouldn 't have wi - fi , but I could post from my iPhone . I had already scheduled the AlwaysBackroads blog posts , so I didn 't have to worry about those . I was doing a photo - a - day challenge for August and wanted to keep that up . I would take photos on the phone and upload to Instagram and Facebook . It did make me think about getting MiFi so I could download photos to the computer , play with them and then post to any of my blogs . I 'm certainly not going to do a post of this length from my phone ! I had a great view to the west . The lake was not in sight - it 's down a cliff from here , but the Jemez mountains are beautiful . Just after I set things up , Cassie and I took a short walk - we both need it after several hours driving . We went to the overlook and then found a trail along the edge of the cliff . We had a good view of the the Rio Grande coming into the lake . It 's been raining a lot lately and the river was much muddier than the lake . I set up my reclining chair ( Costco ) outside . It rained a little , but the chair doesn 't stay wet , so I didn 't worry about sheltering it . I sat outside with my water , this journal , a book , my phone and my camera . Everything I need . I take photos for immediate online use with the phone , but the camera has a great zoom lens for much better shots . I am getting better with the phone camera , at least I 'm remembering to use it more often . When it 's too warm , I move inside . Even had the air conditioning on a few times . When the clouds return , I move back out . About 10AM one morning a coyote wandered nearby . The first book I started reading was " So Long Marianne " by Kim Hesthamer . It 's the story of Marianne Ihlen , Leonard Cohen 's inspiration for many songs . I wanted to know more about her than just his song . She died a few weeks ago . Cohen had written her a letter when he heard she was dying . It 's one of the most touching notes I 've read . " … well Marianne it 's come to this time when we are really so old and our bodies are falling apart and I think I will follow you very soon . Know that I am so close behind you that if you stretch out your hand , I think you can reach mine . And you know that I 've always loved you for your beauty and your wisdom , but I don 't need to say anything more about that because you know all about that . But now , I just want to wish you a very good journey . Goodbye old friend . Endless love , see you down the road . " I liked the book , but it made me sad . She was about 10 years older than me , but her struggles to find her passion , to find herself , were familiar . And I fear are still being repeated by young women today . Early Tuesday morning we walked down the boat ramp road to the lake . Really steep . I imagined trucks and boat trailers coasting into the lake . There was an area with a locked gate , but I figured I 'd ask the camp host if it 's okay to walk there . I wasn 't sure what is Federal land and what belongs to the Pueblo . Back in the RV I listened to a J . K . Rowling podcast about failure . On my phone - very nice to be able to do that . Rowling is one of my heroes . She had a vision for herself that survived not only poverty , but also great wealth and fame . She 's the definition of ' grounded . ' That day ( August 23rd ) was the first anniversary of my having this RV . I should write to Dorothy , who sold it to me , to let her know how much I enjoy it . She was 88 then and her kids didn 't want her go go camping by herself . Sad that she didn 't sell it of her own accord . I was glad to be out in it on this anniversary . Thanks Dorothy . I finished the day watching the PBS show " Boys of ' 36 " about the Olympic rowing team . It 's a treat to be able to watch these programs here . I rarely take time at home for them . On Wednesday I finally met my neighbor three spaces down - my only neighbor on this loop in the campground . She 's Elke , an older German woman . She was here for the full 14 days allowed . And then she will head to another campground . She has a house in Santa Fe , but is tired of city life . She will probably come down to Elephant Butte someday . The morning walk took Cassie and me to the clump of cottonwoods down the road from the boat ramp . This is a day - use only area . We had it to ourselves because we went before the gate was unlocked . Near the shore there were about six or seven beavers in the water . I didn 't know beavers lived in lakes . They swam back and forth in front of me occasionally slapping their tails on the surface and diving . I took a lot of photos . Not great - the sun wasn 't up here yet . In the viewfinder I had a clear view of the tail as it raised and smacked the water . In all the photos , I got only the splash . They didn 't give me any indication that I could see to hint that the action was coming . The camera and I were too slow . The days fell into a similar rhythm . A cup of tea . A walk down the boat ramp road before the day warmed up too much . Past the locked gate I could let Cassie off the leash which we both appreciate . She never found anything to chase , but lots of things to smell . The rest of the day is read , write , take photos , and watch the sky and mountains and birds . Mix and repeat . Move inside when it rains ( never hard ) ; move outside when it quits . Take another walk . I was enjoying this routine . And the thought of packing up the next day and heading north just didn 't appeal to me . I paid for two more nights . The travel days are more taxing . Here it is nearly the end of the year and I haven 't written about my short trip in the RV in November . I 'd better get these thoughts down before the next trip . Try to learn from one before embarking on the next . And I do learn - about the RV and about myself . It had been six weeks since my first trip - I 'd forgotten some of the basics . Forgot to secure the big water jug and it hit the floor . Water everywhere . I wasn 't far from home so I went back . Needed dry towels , a different rug and more drinking water . My attitude was slipping . I like early starts , but realized they are not required . Just go when I 'm ready . Avoiding the interstate , I took Highway 185 south going through Palomas , Caballo , Arrey , and Garfield to Hatch . I was grumpy . I wondered if , after all the money I 'd spent , if this was the right vehicle . It sure isn 't as agile as my Xterra - much harder to find places to stop or to turn around to go back for a photo . And I do that a lot . Why did I want to do this ? But then I did stop to take photos . There , that 's better . I 'm happy when I 'm taking pictures . And I enjoy the leisurely driving . Just push those awkward questions away and enjoy looking at the scenery . It was harvest time for red chiles and for cotton along the Rio Grande . Pecans were just ripening , to be picked in December . This was Cassie 's longest drive - about three hours . She was okay with it . I was a little tired - what with the two starts , the water clean - up , and the bad attitude . Bad attitudes are exhausting . So I decided I would go to Rockhound State Park near Deming - it is a little closer . As soon as I turned onto a road that was new to me , I perked up . Found a nice spot in the non - electric section ( dry camping ) . I still wasn 't ready to do hook - ups . I had ordered a surge protector , but it hadn 't arrived . I was mainly testing the propane system on this trip . I mean , it had been tested and was fine , but I needed to learn how to use it . Rockhound camp sites are on a slope with a great view to the west . Not many folks in my section . The hook - up section was nearly full . Nice showers and toilets . And trails with rocks to gather . I turned on the propane . The fridge started right up . Cassie and I went for a walk . The walks are important after hours in the RV . I chucked the plan of staying only one night . I don 't want to drive every day ( note to self : remember that ) . It takes some time to relax . After finding a camp site and talking a walk , the questions about this being the right vehicle just evaporated . I thought just give this RV a year or 15 trips . Something substantial . And then ask the questions . Give it a chance . I felt good . Slept well . In the morning we hiked the longer trail . Didn 't see anyone else out . There are benches on the trails - nice to sit and watch the view . Lots of birds here - a couple of red tail hawks , cactus wrens , and thrashers . In the afternoon we hiked the shorter trail down to the visitor center . Met another camper , Frank . He told me a lot about the electrical system - he 's quite knowlegeable and shares his information nicely . He camps here and at Pancho Villa a lot . We talked about Spring Canyon - nearby , but day use only . The next day he and I hiked Spring Canyon - it 's a beautiful place We found the spring easily but couldn 't find the trail much beyond it . Something to go back for . Frank has a van that is nicely kitted out - many appliances and TV . He 's full - timer and seems to have the lifestyle down pat . I hope to see him again in travels in the area . I 'm happy when I 'm taking photos and when I 'm writing . Although as I wrote about the day 's events , I started to write about leveling the RV - something I haven 't attempted yet , but need to learn - and slowly my mood started to sink . I love being in these places and this mindset where I can notice slight changes in mood before they take over ! After writing for a while I realized that I was overwhelmed by all the things I had to learn . And I was expecting myself to ' just know ' everything . I wasn 't letting myself try things , practice , and eventually learn . Oh , this is a familiar pattern . I expect myself to ' get ' PhotoShop lessons right away when it 's obvious I need to practice , practice , practice . I think when I was younger , things came to me so easily that I didn 't develop the discipline to stick with something difficult . And now I 'm older and have less energy . I need that discipline . And with this realization , the tension about the leveling of the RV fades away . It 's not rocket science . The way for me to figure things out is to write . A quiet evening with a small meal , chamomile tea . I was sitting inside because of the wind and finding it very cozy . I encouraged Cassie to sit on the dinette benches at first just to make her as at ease as possible . So now when I sit there , she was right beside me . I was very content . I am happy with my meals - some I made ahead and froze ( marinara and a beef stew ) with fresh veggies to add . Eggs in the morning . Yogurt for dinner . That part is working well . Cassie seems to enjoy traveling . She saw deer and cottontails from her passenger seat - very exciting . |
Good morning gals . I am later than usual this morning as I was able to sleep in again and took advantage of it . I am so mad . The pool was still locked yesterday so I called someone about it and seems they had not opened it yet and were to decide last night what they were going to do about it at the board meeting . I haven 't heard so if I don 't get a flyer in the next couple days , I will call my contact back and see what is up . We don 't go to the board meetings and I suppose we should but by 7 pm we are usually settled in for the night on most nights . We rarely go anywhere at night anymore . Maggie : I just have to be careful posting recipes because a lot of them aren 't my own and don 't want to get into trouble . I guess if I give credit to where I got them then it would be ok . Most of the things I cook are not by recipe and I don 't have exact measurements for spices and such . I will see what I can do though . I too would love a house . That is a lovely thing to do and think about us . Jean : I have cleaning to do today , but I would really like to knit the other front piece to Jackson 's sweater today . I have the back and one side down . I have never done a raglan sweater so we shall see how it goes together . Hope I am not like Lucy and the sleeves come out backwards or something . . . I got an email from Kelly about T 's birthday dinner . He wants to go to the Melting Pot , which is a fondue place . She was sweet and gave us the option of just going with him later , but enjoy having the whole group together when we can ( Tom 's parents and sister and Tom , Kelly , Thomas and Us ) so I talked to Jack and we decided to go . We are going to use that as our one going out meal for June and not overdo on the fondue part but eat more of the veggies and stuff . I kind of feel bad because he is only getting one thing from us for his birthday , but the darn thing costs $ 169 so it is going to be just one gift this year . It amazes me how much these companies can squeeze out of people . I mean , I know it takes technology and such to make these handheld things with all the gadgets , but I still feel they rip the public off . I am hoping his other games are compatible with this thing and I think they are as this is sort of an upgraded version of something he already has . Thomas leaves for Washington DC in a week and I am sure he is all excited about that . They must be going there for Jackson 's birthday , which is a week from tomorrow . Good grief , I better let them know about his present as it may ship while they are in DC . I just thought about that . Her sister and bil can take it into the house as the live there in town and will probably watch the dogs and cats for them . FAYE , I 'll bet your pool hasn 't opened for the same reason many around me haven 't - actually I read about it in the newspaper this morning - there is a new Federal law and all pools must have come sort of a cover installed over the water outlet so that people aren 't sucked in . Many can 't afford it and many will be opening late . You can blame it on the Republicans . Fondue sounds like fun - enjoy ! MAGGIE , I 'd love to have a house . I 'll put some recipes in the thread over the weekend . JEAN , I have a BS in Computer Science and finished half the work for my MS but burned out on working fulltime and going to school at night and never finished . The DQ by my house doesn 't accept coupons , but a couple others do - different franchise owners . My exercise bike was delivered yesterday so I started assembling it and was moving along just fine until I got to the part about attaching the cable . Cable was just plain to short to do what they said . I sent the company an email last night and today I got one back saying they are sending me a new cable , sorry for the inconvenience , and they are sending me a coupon for a free DVD from their website . Have a good day , ladies , I 'm going to try to stay cool ! GOOD AFTEROON MAGNOLIAS I am being totally lazy this day and I don 't have a clue why but I am enjoying it . Staying within my points and hoping for another loss but uaually I don 't three weeks in a row now days . I 'll take what I get and not spin around on it . We got some righteous thunder last night but not much of anything else . Marble sized hail did cover the lawn but melted quickly . DONNA FAYE Kids nowdays toys do cost a small fortune . While growing up my father made a lot of our toys and none of us are worst for wear for not having computers or electric gadgets back then . AH , but times have chaned haven 't they . The recipes I post didn 't come out of books and have been passed around and changed through the times . If I do post one from a publication I will mention that however , I don 't entend on making any money for them or claim them as mine . I do like to give credit where credit is due . A lot of my recipes have been lightened and most are salt free or low salt anyway . JEAN How is being retired doing for you ? SUSAN I wonder why they even sent that short belt in the first place . Hope your replacement gets there soon . I 'll need your mailing address when it comes time to ship your house . You can e - mail it to me if you would and I 'll put it in my " don 't forget it " book . Have a lovely afternoon Magnolias . I will be making an egg dish for dinner . A baked thingie with a bit of bacon in it . If it turns out good ( first time trying ) I just may post it . Type at y ' all later . __________________ Good Afternoon , Flowers ! I thought we would get up to rain , but it is just cool and cloudy . We do need rain ; the weatherman says this has been the driest spring yet . Bob finally got a hold of his " hometown " church secretary and we took MIL 's memorial $ $ over there late this morning . We need to recount but think it was close to $ 1000 plus whatever was sent to the church in the first place ; we also have money to go to our own local church . We made a quick trip to Sioux City to check siding at Menard 's . Our " barn " needs to either be replaced or new siding put on . I voted for replacement and Bob thought he could have the siding put on and then he would have time to paint it before it got too hot . He 'd save about $ 400 if his time isn 't worth anything . " Gma " - - I hope that your pool will open soon . I have a wool sweater that my mom made ( knitted ) for my dad when he was in service . Looking at it , I wonder if it ever fit him . Each stitch is perfect ; I don 't know why I am saving it except that it is a connection to my parents . Back in the ' 60s when we were married everyone got a fondue pot . . . except us . Bob says it takes too long to get a meal by dipping one bite at a time . Tech toys are expensive that 's for sure . I would think that Thomas is old enough to understand expense / quality vs . quantity . I 'm sure he will be thrilled ! Susan - - I admire you for putting your bike together ! Our DQ has a new owner and it 's been repainted to look like south of the border . Needless to say we don 't eat there ; we may try to use the coupon going through the drive - in window part for ice cream . I saw the TV news clip about the pool drains . I thought there were going to be exceptions depending on the size of the drain . It 's surprising , or maybe not , that there wasn 't a safety size in place from the beginning . I needed one more class for a library science major but never got it . We had just gotten married and Bob was leaving for Vietnam . I thought I could do it in summer school and it wasn 't offered that summer . In the fall I had student teaching and then started teaching my own class in Nov . , so never did take the class . Believe me I have kicked myself many times over the years . Now most libraries want / require a MS . Maggie - - Good luck at WW today ! I don 't feel retired at all ! I don 't think it will sink in until workshop days start in August . I need to finish my last 5 thank yous so they can go out today . Have a great " rest of the day ! " Good morning gals . Had to get the trash out as they sometimes come as early as 6 am . I was a little uncomfortable at 1 am so came downstairs to the recliner . I am having gas issues with regards to what I eat now and it can be quite painful until it dissapates . I put on a heating pad and I was able to go back to sleep . Well I guess the board meeting was nothing short of a big shouting match . They ended up deciding to only open the pool on Sat and Sun and they are going to meet at the end of the month to decide what to do . Why bother and then you should give us money back as this is part of our maintenance fee . It isn 't like there is something wrong with the pool and needs to be fixed or it is contaminated . It is that they are having big security issues here I guess and don 't want problems at the pool too . Unfortunately , we have a lot of trash that lives here now as we have a lot of what I can trancient renters . They either stay a year or they sneek out in the middle of the night . Renters I thought were good I guess tore the condo next door apart . They had to replaster and paint and tear up and replace carpeting and fumigate too . I guess you never know . So it is the treadmill or outside for me and it is so humid here already that I don 't know if I am going to walk in the neighborhood . I may go at least once a week and go walk in the mall . It is a drive across town , but at least it will be an interesting walk ! Jean : Jack 's dad had a rust colored fuzzy sweater he wore when he got sick all the time . It hangs in Jack 's office closet . He won 't part with it and that 's fine . I would imagine Jay will keep it when we are gone . I guess you could look at it the other way too and if you had something none too fatty , you could lose weight eating little chunks as long as you didn 't keep eating and eating ! I am sure we will have a grand time with him and his grandparents and parents and aunt . Maggie : I contributed a couple quick recipes . As I feel like typing it all out , I will add more . If I could just transfer what is in my head onto the site , it would probably just roll out . I made the lasagna last night . Jack loves my lasagna ( he hates ricotta or even cottage cheese so I have to use the cheddar and moz combo ) but the calories and fat are outrageous . I used to use a package of each kind of cheese for one lasagna . So I decided I could tone it all down and I did . The test came when Jack ate it and I got an A + + for it so guess it came out a - ok . Susan : Thanks for the info . Just to be on the safe side , I may have someone at the fabric store measure and tell me what one to buy . I am making a deep purple called raisin so I can put a black zipper in if I can find the correct size that fits . Have fun with your bike . I have been thinking about getting one I saw on TV . I think I would enjoy bike riding . We got my cuisinart ice cream maker last night . I want to try and make some lowfat ice cream and sorbet and stuff . They had a cool recipe for fudsicle ice cream where you used pudding . You can use ff sugar free pudding with it too . That might be something to try . Well gals , I am going to unload the dishwasher and maybe knit . I am on Jackson 's sleeves now so I am buzzing right along . Have a great hump day and stay cool . Faye Good Morning , Flowers ! I 've got to call the vet and get our furry son in for his shots and claws trimmed . I wish I could talk Bob into doing that . Otherwise , it is vacuum the fur / dust bunnies and begin my clean and pitch in the garage . It 's a cool 62 degrees and breezy in my neighborhood this morning . " Gma " - - It is too bad you can 't have a key to the pool and lock yourself " in " when you and Jack want to swim . Since it is part of your ownership and you pay maintenance to keep it up , I would think you could / should have some say in the matter . But then again , what do I know ? I know when we rented different apartments , the condo , or the house we treated them as if they were our own . I know most renters don 't do that . Good luck wiith finding a zipper ! Well , I need to get busy ! I 've had my shower , had coffee , and read the newspaper - - need to get dressed and moving . Have a great day ! GOOD MORNING MAGNOLIAS We had some more rain last evening . It soaks in and we need it . Our lawn is looking better . I got another couple houses cut out and will grind the edges later this day . Got a call from a gentleman married to a lady I had given a house to . They are celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary and he wanted to purchase a couple houses for his lady . He wants them by the 27th and I can do that . I am thinking of throwing in an outhouse and gazebo also . I need to make a glass order soon . If push came to shove I could sell him a couple of the houses I made to keep since they are already all fixed up . But since I have the time I think I will build a couple for him . It is always nice to have a couple houses on hand when someone wants one quick but he called and gave me plenty of time to build them . He wants me to pick the style . I 'll make two that will go good in a grouping with the one I gave her . I imagine before all is said and done he will want me to build her a whole village . JEAN Weigh day for me is Saturday . I just wrote that to help me keep my FOCUS . Got to keep it ever close in my mind or I could lose my grip . Do you get your kitty trimmed ? We know some folks that do and it sure cuts down on those fur balls . The kitty we will get for Ragg Mopp will have to be short haired for sure . DONNA FAYE Gas issues should ease when your system gets used to your new way of eating . Too bad about that pool . I copied your lasagne recipe and will give it a go for sure . I posted a few of my " helps " today . I hope you are able to find a suitable zipper . Should be able to since you will have the sweater with you when you shop for one . I found an interesting article on Prevention . I 'm passing on the link if you might want to take a look at " A Perfect Day of Eating . " http : / / www . prevention . com / perfectdayofeating / index . html MAGGIE - I 'll send you my address via email . My favorite Wendy 's meal is 8 points - Grilled Chicken Caesar salad ( half a pack of dressing , no croutons ) and a small Frosty . It 's not a belt that goes on the bike , it 's a long cable that attaches to the tension dial comes down a metal tube and then attaches to a spring hook . I think I could fix it if I stripped off some of the rubber covering and exposed more bare cable . I have a stripper from my old computer support days . The spring hook is on another part so unless you actually tried to connect it , there is no way to know it is too short . Considering how things are made now days , I know there was probably no checking . JEAN - You know what the HOA is going to say , If we give a key to Faye , we have to give a key to everyone that asks . No guts . They need to do some serious policing of the area . FAYE - Is all the stuff with your security issues , etc . lowering the value of your property ? Since you had a key before , maybe they 'll be able to make an exception for you . I 'd be interested in that fudgescicle ice cream recipe . Nothing interesting happening here , just more of the same . Have a good evening . Maggie - - Ernie goes to the vet tomorrow afternoon . Ever since I was bitten by a stray cat , I have Bob go with me . I won 't hold the cat while they give the shots either . I don 't want an ER repeat ! Your glass creations are keeping you busy ! That is good - - I figure if I am doing something with my hands , then I can 't feed my face ! Susan - - Thank you for the Prevention link . I always enjoyed the magazine , but let my subscription lapse . You are braver than I to put a bike together ! I know the difference between a hammer and a screw driver but that 's about it . I know you will enjoy your bike when it is finished . I 'm off to check the recipes . Have a terrific Thursday tomorrow ! Good morning to you all . Looks like it rained here last night as the deck is all wet . I wondered because some of my satellite channels wouldn 't come in and some did . I ate a good lean cuisine meal yesterday , chicken enchilada with rice . I didn 't care all that much for the rice as it tasted like there was lime in it , but I ate it anyway . Jack is finding a variety of meals for himself in the frozen food aisle . He takes them for lunch . Jean : That is the good thing about knitting . It involves both hands and you have to put it down to do anything . Since I am up to my ears in projects to get done , it keeps me from eating if I feel the need to and shouldn 't be hungry . I still have hormonal stuff that I will be ravenous certain days . I am to the point now of it not being an issue most days but others , whew ! Susan : The property value is rock bottom in this area because of the riff raff that lives around here now . This used to be a prime area to live in but not anymore . We have severel apartment complexes around us and then housing to the north a bit , but the apartments seem to be the places where the gang and drug activity occur and I know they have been fighting that for several years here since there are so many condos that are landlord owned now . One of the biggest problems money wise with this place is they let the owners get thousands of dollars in arrears in maintenance fees . That means either the paying folks take the brunt because they either raise the fees or provide less services . If they would squeeze the people to pay their fees , but the problem is , though then can take your property if you are 6 months in arrears or more , the condo association doesn 't want the darn things as they don 't sell . We have a couple of condos here that have been on the market at least 3 years ! I saw the other day they took two of them off the market . They are old and a lot of them need big repairs like major plumbing , new kitchens and such so no one wants to put that kind of money in them . We would love to tear out cabinets and countertops and replace them besides the flooring throughout the house and put in all new plumbing fixtures and such , but we don 't have the money for that sort of thing . Maggie : We had a tabby and it is short haired and still shed a lot . I think it is the way of a cat . You could get a hairless one , but I think those poor cats are so ugly . Besides , if Ragg Mopp wants to play I would think a hairless cat could get hurt easily . Hope you have fun creating a new house and assessories so t speak . I have a throw , two pillows , a toddler sweater , a toddler hat and a boy 's sweater all on needles ! Right now though , Thomas 's sweater is sitting in a bag . I just started it to see the color combo . I haven 't worked on the throw much but am on the pillows and sweater and hat so I can finish them up . Well gals , I hear Jack . Think I will fix him some sausage gravy this morning . Have a great day today and hope it is summery where you are . Good Morning , Flowers ! The sun is shining and it is warmer today . The TV says rain through the weekend and the paper says sunshine . I wonder who will be right ? ! My biggy for the day is to take Ernie to the vet this afternoon as well as visit another grocery store for the things I forgot yesterday . The one store has a hanging planter that a mother robin built a nest in . She is sitting on 3 eggs and there is a " not for sale - - Mother Robin at work " sign posted close by . There was a picture in the paper ; I just hope the hoodlums will leave her alone . Since they are building a new store it is a busy place and no grass growing anywhere close by . I wonder where she is finding worms or what she will feed her babies . " Gma " - - The same thing happened to the apartment complex where we lived in Minneapolis . It was the elite area back in the ' 70s and when we visited in 1994 , it was run down , junk cars all over , obvious outside repairs were needed , etc . I wouldn 't be surprised if they aren 't even there now . Sad ! You do have the knitting projects to work on ! Isn 't there a saying about busy fingers or hands ? Susan - - You do have a busy day planned ! I hope it was a good one ! I 'll bet the quilting bee was the best part . I am dressed so need to get moving . The guy is coming to reside our shed and I need to be gone when he gets here - - he likes to visit too much ! Good Morning , Flowers ! The sun is shining , still no humidity , and just a teeny breeze - - I love it ! I know it 's too cold for swimming , but otherwise I could take this weather all summer long . I have the dishwasher and washer both working , and I need to vacuum the fur / dust creatures . I 'm meeting a friend for lunch so need to get my chores done before I go . I 'll probably end up getting groceries afterwards along with all the other " old " retired people who come out on Friday afternoons ! That 's something I said I would never do . . . never say never ! Good morning ! Ok , something is topsy turvy here in Magnolia land . Jean is first instead of last to post and I actually didn 't post in the middle of the night ! I am fit as a fiddle and raring to go ! I started out uncomfortable but took something to sleep and zonked out so even though I had to bring Fortune down here last night , I went right back to sleep in the chair and slept until 8 except for kissing Jack goodbye and giving him the everyday , " Have a good day , be careful , I love you . " I made a dr appt yesterday for her to look at my hands and feet and do my yearly refill on my blood pressure meds . About 4 - 5 days ago , I noticed around the arch side of my foot and my big toe that the skin was just peeling off then my hands started doing it . It has to be something internal as I haven 't used the same things on my hands and feet except lotion and I have used this lotion for over a year and it is Johnson and Johnson 's baby lotion with aloe so I don 't think that is the culprit . It hasn 't gotten serious as it isn 't cracked , bleeding or even red , but I feel like I am shedding . It looks like when you get lightly sunburned and your skin forms little blisters but without liquid in them . This morning the stuff looks much better on my hands , but I haven 't showered yet so don 't know about my feet . Unfortunately , because I wanted to see my regular dr and not one of the other ones , I have to wait until the 16th to do so . I like this woman a lot and though she and I have talked about my weight , I broached the subject not her the last time I saw her . She was so nice . Instead of what you usually get from drs she said , " It must be very difficult to do things with your weight as it is . " I didn 't get the obesity can cause heart attack , diabetes , etc speech or any of that . It is refreshing to have a dr talk to you like an adult instead of a naughty child . I have to set up my asst female tests with her too , but I am just not ready for the colonoscopy yet . I am going to beg off for at least a couple months then I will go through it . Jean : Hope mama bird can get those babies all raised and out on their own . I have to get the upstairs vacuumed and dusted this morning and get the bed made and the laundry brought down . Jack always brings the basket down with him in the morning , but he is slipping because it isn 't sitting n the washer . Since I have to go down the stairs one leg at a time and hold on , it is sometimes hard to carry stuff too . I can do it , but Jack usually just brings it down with him . Most of the time it is oSusan : Hello to you and hope you have a good Friday ! I started a hat for Jackson to go with his jacket yesterday and have about half of it done . I have got to get the one project done , then get his sweater and hat done and then finish the other one , which is the wedding gift and get the pillow going for it . Thomas 's sweater will be last in line then I have to figure out what I am going to do next . Have a great Friday and a fun weekend . If it doesn 't rain we are loading up Fortune into his car seat and going for a ride . I think we may start out at Tom Lee park downtown and take him for a walk if it isn 't too hot . We want to try out our new video camera . I bought it a few weeks ago as a mother and father 's day present to us to have for the cruise . I got a great sale price on it and it has some nice bells and whistles . We can also download videos to send to Jackson since we don 't get to see him very often . Not much going on here today . The man was here to fix the dishwasher and thinks it is a " call back " model and we may get the parts and labor " free . " We like free . Anyway the only other thing on my to do menu is to finish up a building I have started . I posted some more yummy recipes that y ' all might be interested in . I am only posting yummy ones anyway . Tried and true . Well I am being summoned so ~ too hip , gotta go . |
Welcome to Celebfanforum . If this is your first visit feel free to take a look around . You may have to register before you can access more areas of the board and / or if you 'd like to contribute to the community . Otherwise enjoy your stay . - TPG I was celebrating my 21 ' st birthday tonight in a very private way in my apartment . Technically , it wasn 't even my birthday party . It was really for someone else 's birthday that happened to be on the very same day . I already knew Christina Hendricks before then , since I 'd gotten to do some intern work on the ' Mad Men ' set as they filmed their final season . But we didn 't actually start talking to each other until we found out we shared the same birthday . Although she got the actual birthday party on set - which took on extra significance in the show 's last days - she made sure to include me too . It was my first real interactions with most of these stars , and with Christina as well . Somehow , the interactions kept coming with her over those last weeks . When it was time to close the set for good - and for me to be assigned to another one - Christina made sure we even kept in touch after that . Then came the phone calls and e - mail exchanges . Then came the actual meetings . Then came actually watching some of the final episodes when they aired on AMC . Then came me actually seeing the final one in a cast party she threw . Then came how I noticed husband Geoffrey Arend wasn 't around in these parties . I assumed since he had his own show and career , his schedule kept him away . She explained that it was part of it , and that the other part was more by choice . Then came the stuff she said about her marriage - stuff that was probably more appropriate to say to a shrink or a girlfriend . Then came her lament about the end of an era , both professionally and personally , right as she was about to turn 40 . Then came the deflective jokes about her turning 40 and me turning 21 on the same day . I chose to believe emotions , personal problems and perhaps a little alcohol made her say that . I certainly didn 't expect her to bring it up the next time we talked , except to apologize for it . Yet she didn 't apologize . We were both headed towards massive challenges in milestone years . So maybe starting it off on a … . . physical note would bode well . She told me not to pretend I hadn 't thought about it , even when I was next to her and she was … . leaning and standing a certain way . Eventually , we worked out a little game plan . Christina would go out on May 3 with friends for a 40 ' th birthday party , and I 'd be one of them . She 'd incorporate a little 21 ' st birthday celebration for me , and after that , I 'd say I 'd have to be on my way . I 'd return to my apartment , which would be vacated on that night , and she 'd eventually show up as well . By then , I 'd have a little dessert and side dinner made for us , so that we could have a more intimate birthday meal . Then it would get intimate in other ways . However , we both agreed we should actually set the mood first . It did make a big difference , really . Although there was more than enough room to admire Christina when I got to her party , I couldn 't really do it intimately and knowingly in front of others . No … . I wanted to save much of my admiration for her in that black dress and obviously ample cleavage for when we were alone . As hard as it and other things were . There was no need to give each other presents there , since the real gift giving was coming later . But it would be suspicious if we didn 't exchange something clean in public . This was keeping in mind how I couldn 't afford to be as extravagant as her other friends - and the wrong gift could send the wrong message in a context only we were familiar with . I was good at picking out funny cards , so that was an easy part of the gift . Fortunately , it wasn 't hard to find ones tailored to a 40 ' th birthday . That helped ease how comparatively less fancy my gift was to the others , I assumed / hoped . To her credit , Christina had her own talent in picking a funny card - although there were likely no shortage of them for a 21 ' st birthday too . Yet the card was bigger than the actual present - a much smaller card . A card with a phone number . Although they weren 't working together anymore , Christina still had enough pull to plug me to him . So whenever I was ready , I could call him and arrange a meeting with him , and he would try to find me some kind of work for him - perhaps on his next project or for day - to - day stuff . We would work it out when we met , according to her . I was overwhelmed enough that I probably should have taken my leave , if only so I didn 't kiss her . At the least , it could have been the perfect excuse to go and get ready for her visit . But I just hugged her and made it as warm and genuine as possible - which almost balanced out the side effects from having her tits pressed right into my chest . Somehow , I kept my glances and feelings on lockdown for the next 10 minutes , when I announced I had to go . I had the excuse that I should go home early and prepare to call Matthew , which was handy . So I said goodbye to everyone and exchanged normal looking birthday wishes with Christina , saying I 'd see her soon . I only exhaled and let the rest of my emotions out when I was safe in my car . Between the feelings of gratitude , regular excitement and horny excitement , it was quite a batch to sort through . It took me the whole drive back home , and nearly the entire time preparing our meal , before I was somewhat settled . " I meant it , you know , " Christina started . " I didn 't give you his number just for the sake of a birthday present . Or because of … . " she circled her hand around , supposedly to symbolize what was coming . " I just wanted to get this right . Make sure everything will be okay . Even if … . " she didn 't really have to finish that particular sentence . " I know you 're good enough to be okay . No matter what happens later on . I really should be too . But getting you on your way , feeling like I did something right , having something solid to hold onto … . " " This is all about starting this year off right , right ? This milestone year for both of us ? " I reminded . " Even if … . nothing else happens , I think you did that already . At least for me . I don 't know if what I can do can do the same for you … . not that I won 't try like hell ! " " I know you will . I trust you . You at least I can trust , " Christina shared . " No matter how old I am , what I do from here on in , who I 'm with … . at this moment , I made an impact on someone good and young and hot who worships me … . for soul and body … . " Maybe that line was a little over the top . But we both knew there was some truth in it . " Well … . if it wasn 't true , I wouldn 't have set this dessert up first , would I ? " I pointed out . " I 'd just have you right here and now instead of drawing it out … . no matter how much I want you here and now … . " " But you know you 'll have me in the end . That 's why you can afford to take your time , " Christina figured out . " To savor it … . make it more thorough and sensual instead of just straight out fucking … . even if that comes later … . " she hopefully promised . " That 's how a first time should be . As a man and as someone starting a new decade … . " " So which way are we going with now ? " I had to ask . Honestly , at this point I could go either way - but was leaning towards the quicker version . As Christina slid her chair and herself over next to me , I suspected she felt the same . " I know . But let 's get that first one out of the way now . Then the next ones will be longer . Trust me , I have the experience , " Christina said without any irony in her voices , if not her words . Christina kept her dress up and sat herself down in front of me , on the front edge of the table , with her bare , long legs open and her pussy right in view . Yet when she bent down , all I could see in front of me were her legendary , barely covered tits . As if her pussy wasn 't enough . However , Christina wasn 't satisfied with just killing me this way . It became clear when she reached down to take my rather erect cock , now in a position to pump it while I was breathing in her tits . I couldn 't believe I didn 't cum all over her right then . Just when I felt almost ready to go , Christina stopped pumping me . She then took both hands and pushed her tits up further onto my head , practically tit fucking me with her cleavage . Taking the hint , I pressed myself deeper against me , using my lips and tongue even faster . " Hold them … . but don 't take them out yet , " Christina warned . She then removed her hands and gave mine permission to come up , cupping the cup of her dress . Although a zipper was right between them and I could very easily lower it , I followed orders not to . The evidence on Christina 's leg , however , was easier to clean . Which she did by taking her shapely , cum stained leg in her hands , sliding them up and down to rub my cum right onto her skin . It was mind boggling , to say the least - and reminded me it wasn 't just her tits and ass that deserved pin - up status . The act was almost enough to make me hard again then and there . Since I 'd gotten my first orgasm caused by another woman out of the way , and since I was 21 now , recovery time was on my side . Nevertheless , it wasn 't just me who needed my first birthday orgasm . " I want you to do to my pussy what you did to my tits , " Christina confirmed , taking me by the back of the head again . I stayed seated in my chair and bent my head down this time , placing it between her open , bare legs . Christina stayed seated on top of my table and prepared for me to eat her out . She had to know I wouldn 't be technically proficient at this - not right away . I could only slide my tongue against her , moan against her from her taste , rub my face on her and hope it helped . If she had waited for this as eagerly as I had , then maybe I wouldn 't need to do that much . I took my head out of her pussy and moved back , staring at the leg I just came on . Christina already rubbed my cum into it , so I wouldn 't be tasting myself - but it might be hot for her even if I did . It felt like I was just tasting Christina as I kissed down her lower leg , though . As I did , I let my hand go back to her pussy and start fingering it . I let my index finger fuck her fast and hard , while my mouth kissed and slid up and down her leg . I added a second finger , hoping both of them weren 't too clumsy at this - and hoping other tools of mine could avoid that trap later . Christina groaned and pushed back against my fingers , while my free hand went on the back of her leg to stroke and rub it , just like with my lips . " Oh , that 's good … . you did your research , " Christina credited . I hoped sliding both my fingers all the way in and wiggling them around proved it too , and it sure sounded like she agreed . " Fuck … . fuck , fuck me . It 's been too long … . " Christina gasped . " Wait , wait … . I know what I wanna do . Back off … . " I decided to finger fuck her for a few extra seconds before doing that . Yet I ultimately did back myself up , giving Christina room to stand up again . Her dress dropped over her pussy and upper legs again , but she quickly rolled it back up - only to turn around and then lay her upper body on the table . " Eat me out and fuck me from there … . let me rub this all over your face too , " Christina asked . It was hardly a question one could say no too . Not with … . a sight like that . Of course , I knew she just wanted me to finger and eat her pussy from that angle . Not other holes . That was something for … . well after losing my regular virginity , if that . But the rest of that large , luscious flesh seemed to be fair game . As such , my hands went right to her cheeks and rubbed all over that ample surface , even more than with her tits earlier . Meanwhile , my face pressed right up against her ass , dipping my tongue back into her pussy and licking it the best way I knew how . I even suckled whatever I could , hoping that was a bonus . Christina pushed her ass back on me , so my hands cupped and jiggled it right back . Before long , I moved my face back and let my left fingers fuck her , while my right hand enjoyed moving her cheeks around . I saw them ripple as I tapped and played with them , saving that for future reference . " Then fuck me . Fuck me right here . Pound your cock and balls against my ass and give me more of that hot young cum . Right inside me this time … . " Christina panted . I hoped her loud reactions and curses weren 't just acting to egg me on . I supposed since she was such a good actress , I wouldn 't know either way . I also wondered if she 'd be this way if anyone else was finally fucking her like this again tonight , or if it was just me . Or at least partly me . The best way to describe it is that I stepped outside of myself . Someone inside of me who I 'd never met before was the one fucking Christina hard now . He was the one celebrating his birth right now , by pounding Christina 's baby maker . By rubbing and stroking her lips as they tightened on his cock , by rubbing and jiggling her ass , and by following her orders to fuck her harder . " Fuck me , fuck me , I 'm gonna cum … . . oh , take that fucking cum ! Take it and I 'll take yours , shit , fuck ! " Christina called out , squeezing the cock inside of her and supposedly cumming all over it . That cock still wasn 't ready to blow , but it still wasn 't ready to slow down . It fucked her all through her orgasm , as if it could force another one before its own . It fucked her mercilessly and without thought in an attempt to try , though . When it started to pass , I felt myself coming back to consciousness . I registered Christina 's pants and moans first , followed by the incredible wetness around my cock . I took it out and saw how drenched it was , as it finally started to soften . Christina stayed bent over with her bare , tired ass in the air , catching her breath and her own senses . I stumbled back onto my chair , slumped and barely sitting up as my cock stayed in the open . Some time passed before Christina moved and stood on her feet , her dress falling down over herself once more . " My God … . " she said when she got a look at me . I hoped it wasn 't the kind of " Oh God , " one might say when they couldn 't believe they let themselves fuck someone , now that they were of sound mind again . Or at least that 's what I might have hoped if I wasn 't still mostly jelly . " Come on , let 's both get comfortable . In a different way this time , " Christina said . She helped me on my feet and led me to my couch , where we both sat / laid down . She was practically cuddled next to me , laying her head on my shoulder and her body against my side . Even after all that , we were both technically still completely dressed , save for my cock still hanging out . But Christina looked exactly the same as she did before I gave her my virginity , and so did I for the most part . There was something symbolic about that which I 'd recognize once I thought straight again , I was sure of it . It was kind of surprising we didn 't go to sleep , but our eyes stayed opened as the rest of our bodies started to wake up . Finally , I felt alert enough to move around a little , if not enough to let Christina come off me . Before long , I even audibly exhaled and sounded like I 'd be ready to say words again . " It 'd be weird if I wasn 't , huh ? " I rasped out . " If you 're not , it wouldn 't be , though … . " I assured her . " No , it 'd be weird if I wasn 't too . And I 'm not . I mean … . I 'm more than okay , " Christina promised . I nodded my pleasure at that . " You don 't have to stay , " I said after a minute of comfortable silence . Perhaps too comfortable , considering some things . " You probably have to go soon , anyway . " " Not really . I covered all my tracks , " Christina shared . " It 's why I came here , it 's why I let you cum inside me , and it 's why I 'm not going anywhere yet . We got the first time part out of the way … . now there 's the rest of it . When we 're both ready , I mean . " " Are you sure ? " I had to be sure before I really let myself start to go again . " If you needed this from anyone … . I mean if it doesn 't matter who … . it doesn 't have to be with just me . " " I know . I considered a few others . But I wanted you . And I didn 't settle for you , " Christina ruled that out . " I wanted something new , something hot and something great , with someone new , hot and great . I knew that was you even before you pounded me . " " Really ? " I asked again , looking to see if there was any acting in it . Again , if there wasn 't , maybe I wouldn 't know either way . I had to try , though . " I want to have my way with you in every way . Not just the way we just did , " Christina said . " And I want to show you how to have me in every way . I want to be a very thorough teacher on that end … . " To my credit , I didn 't make some gross pun about ends . We sat up as Christina put her hands on my shoulders , her body and cleavage starting to lightly brush against me . " I broke you in , and I want to reap all the rewards of breaking you . All the slow , deep , fast and hard rewards . Right now … . I think we can only do the slow ones , though . And that 's good . Because I want to take my time now … . " I watched her eyes study me , her full lips curl up , her chest heave and her hourglass figure look even more well defined in my eyes . " I want to take my time with you too … . " I admitted . " If you 're sticking around … . I want to take my time with every inch of you … . I want you to teach me how … . " " Only if you let me go first , " she said more quietly . ' There 's so much I want to do … . so much I want to let you do . But there 's one big thing we haven 't done yet . " As she brought her lips closer to mine , it did hit me that we 'd skipped the kissing part . The moment her lips touched mine , however , I could have kicked myself for waiting this long . Then I brushed that aside and savored what was happening now . Christina glided her lush lips over mine , settling her body against me as I put my arms around it . As her seductive curves fit into my embrace , her seductive lips dipped between mine as her tongue made its way by . Keeping up as best I could , I let my tongue meet hers and rub against it , giving enough room for it to fully enter my mouth . Since we had been so wiped out early , we couldn 't really get revved up again this quickly . Even young people who 've just lost their virginity have their stamina limits . But it was all for the better in this particular set up . I 'd supposedly gotten my pent up , raging lust out of the way . Now I could just savor kissing her - and there was a lot to savor . In addition to her soft lips and her warm , wet mouth , not to mention feeling her chest pressed into mine , there was getting to touch that lush red hair , feel her moan gently on my mouth , and feel her embrace me and fit my body into hers . She did it well enough to lie me onto my back , putting herself on top of me . I hardly minded , having more room to caress the curvy shapes of her body , feel them pin me down and let her pin my mouth down . Her hands went on my shirt and went into my v - neck , seemingly trying to feel my bare skin without having to get up and take my shirt off . As much as we were rubbing against each other , I wasn 't hard yet , even with my bare cock pressed into her . Again , it wasn 't a problem , however . I realized I could be overwhelmed and in bliss just by kissing her and feeling her up , even if that was all we were going to do . Yet she did heavily hint that it wouldn 't be . She confirmed it by breaking off and saying , " Get to your bed . I 'll meet you there . " She then finally came off me and got off the couch , standing and waiting for me to lead the way . I half expected her to already be undressed , in order to surprise me . Instead , she was still in that pesky black dress when she came back into view . Yet she leaned against the door , cocking her ample hip , then started walking closer . I couldn 't confirm that , since it was just my imagination . What I didn 't have to imagine was Christina finishing her seductive waltz about 15 feet away from me . On impulse , I threw my shirt off so she wouldn 't have to go through it herself . Christina lowered the zipper on top of her dress , which instantly made the rest of her breasts spring out . I barely had time to take them in before she lowered her dress straps , then slid the rest of the dress down to my floor . And since I knew there was nothing underneath , I knew she 'd be fully naked now . She only let me stare at her naked , hourglass body for a moment before strutting over again . With that walk happening with no clothes on , I didn 't know what to watch . This helped her bring me over to the bed and lower me down . I laid there as Christina saw my cock still hanging out , coming back to life anew . She started undoing my pants and lowering them , avoiding my erection nonetheless . Once I was just hanging out in my underwear , she made me lose them too . We were now both naked - and if I wasn 't mistaken , she was staring at me with a hungry look that almost resembled how I must look right now . I kept in shape , which I was especially thankful for now . But to make her look that hungry ? That was … . an ego boost , to be sure . Christina rested herself on top of me for the second time , only with nothing between us . She kissed my lips all too briefly , before guiding her lips and mouth down my neck , nearly unbearably slow . She made sure I could feel every inch of her lips on my skin , and feel the desire in her deep kisses and nibbles . After finishing on my neck and collar bone , she rose up and virtually straddled me , giving me one hell of a view . Yet she seemed to think she had one as well , judging by how she looked down at my chest . " I knew I 'd enjoy this , " I heard her mutter . She started by leaning back down to kiss my upper chest all over , her own crushed against me . The slower she went with her kisses , rubs and licks , the more she looked at me as she did it , the more I felt her bare breasts across my lower chest and the more I saw her ass raised up , the more I felt that out of body experience again . I did really want to stay in my own this time , though . Yet when she reached up to hold my shoulders , she steamily slid her mouth back up my body , leaving a trail of kisses , nibbles and licks . It reached my neck , my chin and then finally my lips as she had her way with my mouth . I tried to keep up and have my own way with hers , yet I doubted it was matching up . " You 'd really go off a third time , just like that ? I 'm still stuck on one , " she helpfully reminded me . Well , I hoped it was to be helpful . " No need . I just have to get your cock working again … . but not that much . Then you 'll have to make us even . And then you can cum again . We 'll work out if it 's in my mouth or in my tits later , " she figured . She introduced herself by batting her tongue against my head , sliding over it until she licked down and wrapped her lips over me . After sucking deeply , she went down another few inches , then came off and put her lips on my side , gliding them up and down . Once she took my cock with her right hand , she took my balls with her left and went down to kiss and play with them . Her blowjob turned slower and more sensual , humming and gently stroking me while her tongue went all over my shaft . She came off and I placed my hand in her hair , resisting the urge to push it down . I was content to watch her suck my head , watch her look up at me and see how pleased she was to taste me She gave an especially deep hum while she licked my slit , getting out a little bit of pre - cum . Her eyes closed as she sucked harder , but went down deeper even slower . When she went all the way down , she sucked me as hard as a vacuum , before coming off just as quick . With almost no preparation , I was at a loss as Christina tit fucked me and licked my head whenever it came out of her chest . When she took her breasts off , she sucked me hard and made sure her tongue got me extra wet , before putting her tits right back over me . It was a wet , quick fucking that I finally added to by thrusting my hips up Just as I got the hang of that , she took her tits off again . I thrust up again involuntarily , only to have her mouth drop over me again . She quickly bobbed hard on it , as if signaling me to fuck her mouth myself . When I was absolutely sure of it , I did just that . My hands stayed in her red hair , but they didn 't push down as I did all the work from pushing my hips up . Finally , she came off and put both hands on my cock , covering the top half with her mouth . She stroked me and practically made out with my tip , making me strain to hold back in more than one way . " I got my taste . Now come get yours again . But you can 't stop until you make me cum . Then we can just take care of each other , " Christina promised . I put my left hand on her pussy , rubbing it before putting my head down to get another taste . As my fingers dipped in and out of her along with my tongue , my right hand went up to the top of her breast . It teased her nipple while I fucked and licked her pussy below . Lifting my head up , I went up to put it on her chest , while keeping my left hand on her pussy . I tried to finger fuck her while having my way with her breasts , now that they were completely naked for me . Christina helped by pressing them on my face as well . I went to suckle her left tit while pumping her faster , timing my suckling with my thrusts . I also pinched her right nipple as a bonus , which got an extra groan from Christina . " You … . you know your stuff , " she praised . " Not bad for … . " Well , I wasn 't one now , really . In fact , I almost wanted to shove my cock in there now and prove it a second time . But I owed her another orgasm first . Ruling my cock out , I needed one more creative solution . The best I had was to come down and lay my head between her legs , then eat away while my hands touched her waist . After finally fondling her bare tits , I wanted to feel up every other curve she had . My hands massaged and rubbed Christina 's sides , from her waist , hips , ass and the top of her legs . I traced every inch of her curvy shape , all while noisily sucking and tonguing her . I tried to worship her as much as she did with me , even if I was only kissing her in one place . Christina helped by arching her hips up and humping my face , which fueled my mouth and hands even more . My hands landed back on her breasts and pushed them up , and when I looked up , Christina was closing the gap to tongue her own left nipple . I rubbed the other side of it to help along , then did the same with her right when she tongued it . I was less careful sucking her clit , running my hands all over her shapely figure , locking them onto her ass and bouncing it around , then doing the same to her tits . With more room to do it now , I let them really savor rubbing and jiggling every inch of her . Coupled with my vigorous mouth work , I hoped it would be enough soon . Christina finally let herself lie on her back moments later , catching her breath because of what I did to her . By now , I shouldn 't have been so stunned at things like that . I would never stop feeling lucky and grateful no matter what , though . My cock had gone unattended long enough to last long one more time . I chose to ignore that and put my head between Christina 's legs , kissing her pussy and ensuring it was clean - for now . My hands went onto her legs and savored stroking them , as I started kissing up to her stomach . Christina relaxed and rested her head , while my head and hands went higher . I doubted I could kiss every inch of her stomach and lower chest like she did with me , yet I gave it my best shot . My hands massaged her perfect curves and every perfect shape they could cover , until they landed on the sides of her perfect breasts . It wasn 't feasible to just stay in this position forever , as sad as that was . Eventually , I lifted my head out of her tits to see her face , which almost looked … . peaceful . Perhaps not just because of the orgasm . Compared to how she was when we first talked about this stuff , when we first set this up and when she first reflected on being 40 , this was a hell of a relief . I helped give her that , if only for tonight . Leaving aside everything else about how this was set up … . this really was perfect . This was the perfect way to become a man . Maybe the perfect way to enter a new decade of life . Certainly the perfect way to fuck one of the most desired women on television . However , I went up just a little higher merely to kiss her . It was worth it as she held me deeper and used her plush lips to part mine . I let myself rest my body on her breasts and her curvaceous shape and fell deeper into bliss . It didn 't take long for Christina to slide her hands down my back and onto my ass . They grasped pretty securely onto each cheek , pushing them forward and pushing me deeper inside her . I left her do half the work and did my part slowly , but deeply . " This is nice , " Christina cooed . " It doesn 't always have to be dirty . But it doesn 't always have to be nice too … . fuck , don 't you forget that . Or that , " she said when I angled my next thrust just right , or so it seemed . " Good … . I think we still gotta go over a few things … . tomorrow . Just to be sure , " Christina gasped , holding onto my ass tighter . " I got as much time as you need … . " " Yeah , that too … . " Christina confirmed , bucking herself against me . " I need to show you everything … . I need you to remind me of a few things … . and I need … . " She trailed off as my left hand went between her legs . " I need you to fuck me hard . Then fuck my tits hard and cum on my face . Or in my mouth . I just wanna taste some hot young cum again … . " Christina urged . " I might need a toy for that next time . We 'll talk about that later , " she got out , finally brushing herself and starting to finger her pussy . I just stayed upright and thrusted forward as much as I could , squeezing her tits and watching my head barely come out of them . Never deny a birthday girl anything . It was a handy rule in all scenarios , especially this one . But I drew it out by asking , " You really want to feel some cum ? " If we did this straight away , I would have given out a while ago and not had any chance to think . As it was , thinking was as difficult as trying not to come . But I did think enough to say , " Let 's start with yours . " I really had done a lot of research and thinking over this - more than the average virgin . Of course , the average virgin didn 't really have this kind of time to plan , with this kind of opportunity or partner . So I really drew up a lot of things I wanted , if she was willing - and I could almost safely assume she would be . She didn 't seem to be when I took myself off her chest and tits , and I almost wasn 't either . She changed her tune when I quickly replaced her finger in her pussy with three of mine , and I changed mine before long too . Especially when she exploded all over them in short order . I waited until my fingers were completely soaked before taking them out . With my index finger , I put it to her face and trailed it down her cheek , then onto her lips . Her face wasn 't soaked with my cum yet , but I let it feel her own for a bit , before licking It off her . Once she came off , I promptly collapsed onto my back . I heard her say , " Sorry … . kind of your own fault . But we 'll get it on my face and tits tomorrow … . " Christina kept her word and stayed for much of that day . She kept her word and let me cum on every surface I didn 't cum on the previous night . She kept her word and showed me the kind of moves I couldn 't dream up myself or research online . Even reading about them wouldn 't have been the same as actually fucking her while brushing an active vibrator from her purse against her asshole . Or sixty - nining until my face was literally bathing in her juices . Or us taking turns eating each other out from behind . Or posing while the other masturbated themselves back to life from it . It was like I had two birthdays in one year , although the year still had 363 days left . They would all have a hell of a bar to go over , though . Even the one where I actually got a paying job from Matthew Weiner sometime later . We can 't all lose it to one of the sultriest , bustiest , curviest women in TV history , though . Young men can 't all get that kind of hot cougar or soon - to - be hot cougar to educate us . They can imagine it enough to hopefully put it into use at the right time , though , no matter with whom . Great way to end the series ! And I love the fact it 's written ahead of time in order for you to " cheat " to include her . Also a good selection of celebrities used throughout that normally wouldn 't have a story dedicated to them . Every chapter will be well worth a revisit in the future . : thanks : : notworthy : |
Rebekah , it turns out , was actually the daughter of the son of Abraham 's brother , so the servant praised god for making his job of finding a suitable wife for Isaac super easy . But the servant , knowing his place , only praises god with the moniker " the God of my master Abraham . " Rebekah ran home and told everyone about the nice man with the jewelry , and her brother Laban went out and brought the servant back to their place . They made dinner and put up the camels , but the servant wouldn 't eat until he had told everyone what he needed to tell them . The servant began by saying that he was Abraham 's servant , and that the lord had blessed Abraham and made him wealthy . We , the readers , know exactly how Abraham became wealthy , and it was pimping , not godly blessings . But whatever . The servant went on to say that Abraham 's wife Sarah had given him a child in her old age ( long after she had procured wealth for him by telling rich men she wasn 't married ) and Abraham wanted a wife for his son from his hometown . Then the servant told them all about his deal with god , that the first girl to answer his request would be the one god chose , and asked Rebekah 's family if he could take her back with him . Laban and Bethuel , Rebekah 's brother and father , said that it was pretty obvious that god had made all this happen , probably because it sounded psychotic , and that she could go with him . The servant bestowed costly gifts upon the family , and stayed the night with them . In the morning Rebekah 's brother and mother didn 't want to let her go . Give her ten days or so , they asked . But the servant would have none of it . They asked Rebekah , and Rebekah said , ' hell yeah , let 's blow this popsicle stand ! ' or something , and they left . They took with them Rebekah 's nurse and the servents ' men . ' This is the first time the author mentions the servant having ' men . ' Rebekah 's family blessed her , saying , " Our sister , may you increaseto thousands upon thousands " much like the ameoba , and " may your offspring possessthe gates of their enemies " so they can Divinely Inspired by Abraham was getting old . He called for his servant that ran his household and made him put his hand under his thigh . Which would be grounds for calling a lawyer nowadays . Abraham made his servant swear an oath to go and get Isaac a wife . But not from the dirty Hittites of Canaan , oh no . Someone from , shall we say , the old stock . Meaning : my own family . So you had a son with your half - sister and now you want him to marry one of his cousins ? Are you intending this as some kind of scientific experiment ? No , that actually wasn 't the argument . The servant was worried no one would want to follow him back to a strange , famine - prone land to marry some strange person they 'd never met . The servant wanted to know , maybe he could take Isaac back if that were the case . Abraham was adamant , no , don 't take Isaac back there ! The Lord god of blah blah blah has given this land blah blah blah . He convinced the servant that his god would send ' an angel ' before him to make his task easier . You know , cause he was such a whiner . Moreover , if a woman wouldn 't come back , that was okay too . It was a lax kind of oath . Of course his servant agreed , then removed his hand and probably - hopefully - washed it . So the servant ( they don 't bother ever giving this poor man a name ) gathered together all the things he would need for his long journey to procure a wife , like gold and " good things " and camels . Maybe chocolate . When he got to Abraham 's home town it was evening , and he sat the camels down next to a well where all the village women were coming to get water . This is where the servant made a wager , like tossing the dice . Only with god , and in regards to people 's lives . He told god that he would ask a woman for a sip of water and if she gave him a sip and also got him water for his camels , the servant would take it as a sign that this was SUPPOSED to be the wife he sought . You know , why bother asking around and getting NAMES and things when you can just settle for the first affable female and blame it on god ? This is how we meet Rebekah . She was Divinely Inspired by This chapter is only about burying Sarah . Sarah died at a hundred and twenty - seven . I 'm guessing Isaac , her son , was about twenty - seven . Abraham mourned and then asked the Hittites , in whose land he was living , ( secretly promised to him by god , but don 't tell them ! tee hee ! ) to buy some land or a cave or something , so he could bury his wife . The Hittites told him to just pick wherever , that he was " a mighty prince " to them . Just pick the best tomb you can find , no one will tell you no . Which is nice of them . Considering . Abraham wanted to buy the cave that belonged to Ephron the Hittite , the one at the end of his field . Full price . Ephron told him he could have it . AND the field . Abraham said , let me at least buy the field from you . To bury my dead . Ephron said , well , it 's worth 400 shekels , but don 't worry about it . Abraham paid him the money - - in front of all the witnesses - - and the land was deeded to him . And he buried his wife there , and the land was his , paid for by him , in the land of Canaan , deeded to Abraham by the Hittites . That 's how it reads . The way it sounds , it 's as if the author is telling his side of a disputed story . Like the Hittites said , you just came and took some land ! And buried someone in one of our caves ! Without even asking ! And the author makes sure , no I 'm going to put it in my book the way it REALLY happened , you guys ALL know Abraham asked for the cave ! And that he even paid for it ! Stop lying ! " Some time later God tested Abraham . " I 'll say . First god told Abraham to send one of his sons out into the desert . Now this . God called on Abraham , and Abraham said , Here I am . Oh , there you are . Yes . Take your " only " son Isaac ( only one left with you , at any rate ) to a place called Moriah . When you get there I want you to sacrifice him . As a burnt offering . To me . Two things : god is like one of those tigers that gets a taste for human flesh or something - - you know , lambs aren 't good enough anymore . Also , it seems like he just phones in every now and then to say the most insane shit imaginable . Like he 's a prank caller . Well , Abraham got everyone up the next morning . They cut wood for the offering fire . They loaded down a donkey with it . He and some servants , and of course the ' offering ' set out for Moriah . They traveled for three days before they saw the place in the distance . Abraham told the servants to stay with the donkey while he and Isaac went to go worship . Back in a jiff . This won 't take long . Abraham then made Isaac CARRY THE WOOD for his own offering , while Abraham carried " the fire " and his knife . They set off . Isaac started thinking . Wood : check . Fire : check . Knife : check . Animal for slaughter . . . . He asked his father where the lamb was . What lamb ? The one we 're going to sacrifice . Oh , that lamb . Well , Isaac , god . . . told me . . . that . . . he 'd take care of everything . God told me he 'd provide it . Yes , that sounds like something he 'd say . They continued on . When they reached the place for the altar , Abraham built one , and piled the wood and got it all ready , then bound Isaac and laid him on the altar . Isaac was probably thinking , I had a feeling this god you worshipped had a screw loose . Well , Abraham was about to slit his son 's throat when god called him off . I imagine him pointing and saying , " gotcha ! ! " Wow , Abraham . I didn 't think you 'd do it . Geeze . You 're hardcore . But you don 't have to . I just wanted to see if you would . Thanks for playing . So there was a ram caught in some bushes nearby and ADivinely Inspired by So one day , right when everyone least expected it , Sarah gave birth to a son . She was pretty happy about it , and so was Abraham . God finally got around to doing what he 'd been promising for a long time . Or he lost a bet . They named the child Isaac , and circumcised him just like they were told , and when he was weaned they had a party . Don 't know if there were pony rides . Probably . Sarah got a little antsy about Ishmael and " that slave woman " being around , and told Abraham to get rid of them both . So write Sarah 's name down in the ' asshole ' column . Abraham was pretty torn up about it , Ishmael was his son after all , and judging from the former story of Sarah actually BEING his sister , I 'm guessing Ishmael got a better mix of genes . But god told Abraham not to worry about it . Being lost in the desert , that kind of thing builds character , makes a man out of you . Go ahead and send them away , I 'll take care of things . Abraham did what god said . He loaded Hagar down with provisions and sent them both on their merry way . Well , they ran out of food . Then they ran out of water . Turns out the latter is pretty important to have in the desert . Hagar laid her son down under the shade of a bush and went and sat by herself so she didn 't have to see him die . She started to cry . God asked Hagar why she was crying . . . God always asks Hagar stupid questions . She 's good , though . She never replies , " Hello ? Omniscence ? Why must I spell it out for you ? Are you drunk again ? " God told her to get her son up from under the bush , because Ishmael was going to be a great nation . A nation of very , very thirsty people . Ah ! Lo , and behold , she suddenly saw a well . Of water . It 's maaaaaaagic . Ishmael grew up and became an archer , and his mother got him a wife from Egypt . Meanwhile , back at the ranch : Abimelech ( remember him ? ) and Abraham were working on a mighty good little treaty , the one where they each swear allegianc to the other , and there might be some spitting into handshakes and secret decoder rings . And Abraham mentions this water well thDivinely Inspired by Abraham was at it again . He and Sarah moved into Gerar , ruled by the king Abimelech , and Abraham told everyone Sarah was his sister . Abimelech sent for Sarah and " took her " as a wife . Then one night Abimelech had a dream about the Hebrew god , which may have been a surprise to him , and god told him that he was " as good as dead " because the wife he had just taken was already married . Then I imagine god said , Nyah ! or Gotcha ! and pointed . Abimelech replied , What ? ! ? I didn 't even touch her ! And HE told me she was his sister ! How are you going to punish me for something I didn 't know ? God , for once , saw the reason in this . Yeah , yeah , I know , but the man is a prophet . So return his wife to him , and he will pray for you , and then you 'll be okay . But you have to give him back his property , understand ? As soon as Abimelech woke up , it seems , he sent for all his advisors and told them about his dream , and they got all scared . Then he sent for Abraham . Abimelech asked Abraham what the hell he ever did to him that he would play this cruel prank and because of it bring down the wrath of his god upon the king 's head . Abraham replies that he thought he would be killed if he didn 't , and BESIDES he says , " she really is my sister , the daughter of my father though not of my mother " . Any of you readers know that ? That Abraham and Sarah were half - siblings ? Cause I didn 't . Ewk . So Abraham explained that he had a habit of doing this sort of thing in foreign places , and that Sarah had always gone along with it . She was a good sport . Abimelech , who wanted Abraham to pray for him to his stupid deranged god , gave Abraham all sorts of lovely gifts , like money and cattle and sheep , and male and female slaves , and also gave him back Sarah , and told him to live wherever he wanted to on his land . Just call off your god . When Abraham prayed to god about Abimelech , god healed all the women in the king 's household , who apparently had had their wombs closed up due to Sarah being there under false pretenses . Ah , a happy ending . Last chapter had god appearing to Abraham on the way to Sodom , and he had two henchmen with him . This chapter follows the journey of just the two henchmen into Sodom . I don 't know what to make of that . Maybe god got lost and the angel - henchmen just went without him . Anyway , here we go : The two angels got to Sodom that evening , and Lot saw them come in because he was sitting at the front gate of the city , for some reason . He asked them to come to his place , and wash their feet , and stay the night , and they could leave early in the morning , you know , before the crazies got up and going . The angels told him they wanted to stay in the town square for the night . Lot , imagining disaster , asked them again , beseeched even , that they stay with him . Finally the angels acquiesced . So they ate dinner together , god knows what they talked about : " so . . . sodom . seems nice . " " yeah . . . i guess . . . " Before they all turned in for the night , men from all over the town came by , young and old , to ask Lot if their guests wanted to participate in any of the number of orgies they had planned for that night . Which I suppose is considerate . Not like they had tv . They told Lot they wanted to have sex with these newcomers . Kind of like a welcome wagon . Lot went out and shut the door behind him , and told the randy townsfolk that they shouldn 't " do this wicked thing . " Sex with angels ? ! ? Come on , it 'll be great ! No , replied Lot , I don 't even think they can . They 're angels . Aw come on ! They replied . ( I 'm taking liberties here . ) Finally Lot offered up both his unwed ( so I assume , teenaged ) daughters for the orgies , saying , " ' Let me bring them out to you , and you can do what you like with them ' " but the angels are off limits , because they are under my protection . You know , unlike my daughters . It 'll save me having to give the whole birds and bees lecture , anyway . The randy townsfolk told Lot to step aside , and took offense at him calling their well organized orgies " wicked . " Here 's this guy that isn 't even FROM here , and he wants to tell us how toDivinely Inspired by Abraham was hanging out by the trees of Mamre in the afternoon and the lord appeared to him . The lord had two dudes with him . The lord is kind of like a mob boss that way . When Abraham saw the trio he hurried over and bowed low , saying , hey stop a while , let me provide you with food and water and then continue on . God said , sweet , that sounds nice . God , as I have commented before , seems to be a sucker for food and drink . So Abraham told Sarah to get cracking on some good bread while he ran out and picked some choice meat from his flock . His servant prepared this calf , and Abraham took it and some curds and milk to the god squad who were waiting . They ate and Abraham stood nearby , in the customary waiterly position of a gentle host . " ' Where is your wife , Sarah ? ' they asked him . " He told them she was in the tent . Still making their bread I suppose . God replied , oh yeah , I will be back a year from now , and she will bear you a son . Sarah was listening at the door of the tent , and when she heard this , the third or fourth promise that god was going to give her a kid , she laughed to herself . She was past childbearing age , and had waited a long time for it , and now god was mentioning it again , and she thought , great , I don 't have ENOUGH problems already with my arthritis ! God asked Abraham - - not Sarah - - why Sarah had laughed at the prospect of a child . He wondered aloud to Abraham if there wass anything too hard for the lord to be able to do . Then reassured him that she will indeed have a son in a year . Sarah said , I didn 't laugh ! God said , oh yes you did ! As god and his posse were walking away , and Abraham was walking with them to see them off , god wondered aloud whether he should tell Abraham what was going on and why he was here . This sounds like an incredibly patronizing thing to do , but okay . He figures after all that he should give Abraham the low down . They are standing on the hill looking down at the city of Sodom and god tells Abraham that there 's an outcry against the city , and its sister city Gomorrah , about the sin tDivinely Inspired by The way I picture this next scene is that god is an alcoholic . He 's been on a long bender - - which for a god is years and years . Suddenly he remembers that he made a covenant with Abram about children . He decides to go and talk to Abram about it , and add a few more ( drunken ) stipulations . . . When Abram was 99 , god came to him again and said , oh yeah , the covenant . I really will increase your numbers ! Lemme prove it to you ! So Abram was prostrate and god said , now you 're name 's Abraham , because I am totally gonna make good on this covenant thing . The masala was excellent ! You will be the father of many nations , and you will be fruitful . And Abraham nee Abram probably thought , well , I know * I 'm * fruitful , it 's Sarai that can 't have kids . . . God continued , saying , so this is our covenant , and I want it to be a promise that if I make good on this increasing of your numbers thing , all your descendants will also follow the covenant and have me as their god . You can have all of Canaan , even though there are other people living there now , you will eventually have it , and the whole land will have this covenant with me , and I will be their god . What 's the catch ? Abraham is thinking . God said , yes , so the covenant will be that you and all your male descendants and all the male people around you will be circumcised . So . . . everyone ? Even my servants ? Even my slaves ? Yes . Every male that 's around you at some point . If they aren 't circumcised , you will have broken my covenant , and the uncircumcised guy needs to be cut off from all the circumcised ones , because he is officially not part of the club . So you told me you 'd make me fruitful , and that I would have many descendants , and made a covenant with me and we had some tasty masala . . . but now you say you won 't do it unless I cut off my foreskin ? How does your lord wish I should broach this subject with the males in my household that maybe don 't even believe in you ? Oh , and Sarai , god continued , you shouldn 't call her that anymore , she 's Sarah now . Surely , I will give you a son bDivinely Inspired by Sarai was getting impatient with the whole childbearing thing . It had been about ten years since the covenant with Abram and the delicious masala that surely followed . Sarai had this idea that Abram could father a child with her maidservant , Hagar , and the whole family making business could get a jump start . I 'm pretty sure she didn 't consult with Hagar on this matter . Abram thought it was a pretty good idea for whatever reason , and made Hagar his wife . So now he had at least two wives . And Hagar , not being barren , became pregnant . So this clinches that Sarai was the one shooting blanks , I suppose . Well , Hagar was a little disappointed about the pregnancy thing . Maybe she was working on her degree and this got in the way of her studies . The author says she ' began to dispise her mistress . ' So I take it even though Hagar was now a wife , she still had to work for Sarai . Doesn 't seem to be a good deal . Sarai complained to Abram about Hagar 's attitude , and Abram said , I don 't care what you do , she 's your maidservant , your problem . So Sarai ' mistreated ' Hagar ( ? ) and Hagar said , fuck this I 'm leaving . Hagar was from Egypt , so when she ran away , that 's the direction she took . She was sitting beside a well at the roadside when god sent a messenger to her . The messenger asked her where she was going . Hagar probably shrugged and said , well , my mistress , who gave me to her husband for conception , was being generally crappy and insensitive to me so I left . The messenger told her to go back and endure it . And made the now - familiar promise to Hagar that god would increase her descendents . The angel / messenger told her that her kid would be called Ishmael , but that he was going to turn out to be a right bastard . I guess that made Hagar feel better somehow , because she said , well , god does pay attention to people other than Abram . She returned and bore Abram a son and they named it Ishmael . ( Abram was smoking something good . ) He had a vision that god was telling him " Do not be afraid , Abram . I am your shield , you very great reward . " But Abram had a beef about having no heir , and told god as much . And god again said he would have as many children as stars in the sky . Also , that he would have a son of his own that would take over . And Abram believed this . For some reason . God reminded him that he brought him out of Ur and sent him to this land for it to be his . You know , the land that had the famine when Abram first came . Which , if I were Abram , I would 've brought up , but whatever . Abram said , yeah , but how can I know that I will have this land ? The land that had the famine when you first sent me here ? And God said , " Bring me a heifer , a goat and a ram , each three years old , along with a dove and a young pigeon . " Well , when god tells you to bring him some livestock , by golly you better do it . Abram , knowing , apparently , what god was about , brought the animals and cut all the big ones in half . And didn 't let any vultures or anything eat them . And then as the sun was setting , he fell into a deep sleep ( that was probably no small amount of work ) and " a thick and dreadful darkness came over him . " I like that line . So the lord told him that his descendants would be " strangers in a country not their own " and they would be slaves , which sucks , but god would punish the enslavers , and anyway afterwards they would have lots of neat stuff . So that 's okay , I guess . And god also said that Abram would live a long life and that after four generations his descendants would come back to this land ( hoping there 's no famine ) . Apparently because of the sin of the Amorites . So the sun set , and darkness fell , and a smoking firepot with a blazing torch appeared and went between the animal pieces . Which , I 'm told by the footnotes , was a common practice in that day to seal a deal with someone . Well , to pass between pieces of slaughter , not to appear as a smoking firepot . I think . So that 's the covenant with Abram , that he will notDivinely Inspired by There was a war where Abram settled , because of a rebellion of a people against King Kedorlaomer . King Kedorlaomer ganged up with other kings : Amraphel , Arioch and Tidal , and warred against King Bera ( of Sodom ) , King Birsha ( of Gomorrah ) , and King Shinab , Shemeber and Zoar . Okay : Side A : Kedorlaomer , Amraphel , Arioch , TidalSide B : Bera , Birsha , Shinab , Shemeber , Zoar . Side B all joined up in the Valley of Siddim ( where the Dead Sea is ) and rebelled against the rule of King Kedorlaomer . Maybe the economy sucked , who knows . Not only did Side A squish the rebellion , they then got on a tear and defeated the Rephaites , the Zuzites , the Emites , and the Horites , and conquered the whole land of the Amelekites and the Amorites . So when the stand off happened in the Valley of Siddim between the kings of Sodom , Gomorrah , and other places ( Side B ) and King Kedorlaomer and his posse ( Side A ) , Side B had to retreat after getting their asses kicked , and some of the men fell into the tar pits that were thereabouts . Side A ransacked everything they could carry from the cities Sodom and Gomorrah ( which , I believe , overlooked the battlefield ) including Lot and his household . Silly Lot . You picked the wrong place to live , buddy ! Someone who escaped told Abram and his allies ( when did Abram aquire allies ? I don 't know ) that his nephew was now a POW . Abram gathered up his " 318 " men in his household and , one assumes , his allies , and they all followed the pillagers . During the night , Abram divided the forces up to attack and got the jump on Side A . He got back Lot and everyone with him , and all the goods they had with them , and futhermore routed Side A and sent them packing . When Abram got back , the king of Sodom came back , and some other king blessed and anointed him , and recieved a tenth of everything Abram had for his trouble . The king of Sodom asked Abram to keep all the goods he had recovered and just return him his people , but Abram refused , saying that he would accept nothing from the king of Sodom , because he didn 't want to be behoDivinely Inspired by Abram and Lot and Sarai ( very rich from the prostitution racket ) came out of Egypt and moved back to the very place where god had sent Abram earlier . I 'm assuming the famine was over at this time . Living close together , Lot and Abram 's huge flocks probably got a little confused and there were quarrels between the shepherds . ( My sheep ! No ! My sheep ! ) So Abram told Lot to find some other place , he didn 't care where . You take the low road , I 'll take the high road and all that jazz . Lot saw the plain of Jordan and decided to take that for himself . The description of the land is that of a paradise . This was before Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed , according to the author , so Lot pitched his tents near Sodom . Abram stayed in Canaan . There is a strange aside where the author wishes us to know that " the men of Sodom were wicked and were sinning greatly against the Lord . " Ah , we 're supposed to shake our heads and say , those rascals . What were they doing ? Was it just the men ? Who else was there ? What about Gomorrah ? That 's all there is . The author says that when Lot leaves , god tells Abram that all the land he sees will be his , and his offspring will be many - - even though his wife is barren , I suppose . So Abram moved his tents near some big trees and built another altar . ( Altar 3 . ) When Abram was 75 and living with his father in Haran , god told him he needed to leave . This sounds similar to when you 're in the military and you get your orders . Except when god tells you to go , the place he sends you doesn 't necessarily have food , and isn 't necessarily unoccupied . The place is usually just filled with promises which god may or may not get around to fulfilling - - he is a busy guy , after all . The promise sounded pretty good at the start : " I will make you into a great nationand I will bless you ; I will make your name great , and you will be a blessing . I will bless those who bless you , and whoever curses you I willcurse ; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you . " Hey , Abram 's thinking , sounds like a pretty sweet deal ! Yeah . So he left his father and took his wife Sarai with him , and his nephew Lot , and they traveled to this land where god told him to go . They went " as far as the site of the great tree of Moreh at Shechem , " which is quite a ways I imagine . At that time the Canaanites were living there , but god told Abram that he and his offspring could have it . Which may translate to having a note from your parents . So Abram built an altar there . And that was probably the first sign the Canaanites had that trouble was brewing for them . Abram pitched his tent to the east of a town called Bethel and celebrated by building yet another altar . God loves that smoky flavour . After building that altar , Abram continued on . " Now there was a famine in the land . . . " Always a catch , isn 't there ? Joke 's on you Abram ! The land is yours but good luck * eating * off it ! Oh , wait , I mean . . . I wanted to test your faith . That 's it . So , since he was hungry - - I mean , impious - - Abram went to Egypt to live , where there was food . Crossing the border , he told his wife that she was very beautiful . She probably blushed and said , oh , you , to which he replied , probably the Pharaoh will want you as a concubine , so say you 're my sister . But I 'm not your sister ? I can see her eyeing him sideways . I know , but he 's going to have youDivinely Inspired by " Now the whole world had one language and a common speech . " Way to contradict yourself , god . You said in the earlier chapter that peoples spread out , " each with its own language . " The people who settled in the plain of Shinar decided that they should build a huge tower made of mud bricks and tar , so that " we may make a name for ourselves and not be scattered . " So the people after the flood were concerned about losing touch with loved ones , and , it seems to me , their response was to make a huge meeting area where people could come to meet up . Nothing in the text besides them wanting to be well - known ( which would only facilitate their cause of keeping people in touch ) describes them as being selfish or sinful . I might also add that , contrary to what I was taught in sunday school , no mention is made of the people wanting to be as powerful as god or build the tower high enough to reach heaven . Just that they didn 't want to be scattered , and they wanted some sort of notoriety . Well , god " came down " to see the city one day and saw the tower . Throw all your ideas about omniscience out the window for the old testament , I suppose . God decides that people can accomplish a great many things in cooperation with each other , and this is made easier by them all having the same language . He decides he doesn 't like this , so he " confuse [ s ] " their language . Well , it worked . The people " stopped building the city . " ( Tower ? City ? Synonymous ? ) The name of the city was Babel , and god confused the language and then scattered the people over the face of the whole earth . Which is a little ironic , given the people 's reason for wanting the build the tower in the first place . This story really highlights how much of a bastard this god of old was . No offense implied , but when someone acts like a bastard , call them a bastard . I don 't think you should be able to apply only good epithets to god - - if your perception of how he acts sometimes fits the human idea of mercy , for some reason you 're allowed to apply that human idea to god , but if he acts Divinely Inspired by Another list chapter , subtitled " Who 's your daddy ? " : Japheth had sons , one of whom was Gomer , who had sons Ashkenaz , Riphath and Togarmath . I feel like I 'm reading the cast of characters for a Dungeons and Dragons Tournament . Japheth also had a son named Javan , who had Elishah , Tarshish , the Kittim ( I think it 's a whole people named , not some bad - ass with ' the ' in the front of their name ) and the Rodanim . The author wants us to know that these are the maritime peoples , who spread out , presumably by boat , " each with its own language . " Ham had sons ( Virginia was his daughter ? - badum - ching ) one of whom was Cush . Cush had Raamah , who then had Sheba and Dedan . Cush was also the father of Nimrod , who was a really great hunter . So much so the author alludes to a saying they apparently had , " Like Nimrod , a mighty hunter before the Lord . " Oh , THAT Nimrod . Wow , you must be VERY proud . No word yet on what circumstance called for such a saying . Maybe it was a pick - up line ? Nimrod had a kingdom whose centers were Babylon , Erech , Akkad and Calneh . ( This part feels like if someone from 2000 years in the future came back and I sang the 50 states song to them . They 'd give us a blank look , wouldn 't they ? ) Then he went into Assyria - - hey I know that one ! - - and set up Nineveh , Rehoboth Ir , Calah and Resen . Another son of Ham ( mmmmmm ) was Mizraim , who was the father of the Ludites , Anamites , Lehabites , Naphutuites . . . Parasites . . . Calisthenics . . . Eurypterids . . . zzzzzzzOh ! the Casluhites " ( from whom the Philistines came ) " well that rings a bell . The other son of Ham was Canaan , who had Sidon , and was the father of the Hittites , ( the Hittites I learned about in high school world history were the first to smelt iron in that area ) Jebusites , Amorites , Gigagigantors , Hivie - skivies , Arkanes , Sincopatics , Aardvarks , zzzzzzzzzzzzzUgh . Where were we ? Wow , sage spiritual advice in THIS chapter , let me tell you . But we take the good with the . . . lists of people long dead , I suppose . Later , the Canaanite peoples were scattered , and the borders of Divinely Inspired by God blesses Noah and says , be fruitful and multiply , and Noah says , 6 times 6 is 36 ! Ah , it 's an oldie but a goodie . God also mentions that this is when animals become afraid of man . Which makes sense . God probably told them all it was man 's fault all their kinfolk had to get wiped out . So animals hold grudges . Good to know . God tells man not to eat animals which are still alive . " Lifeblood " and all that . And then : " Whoever sheds the blood of man , by man shall his blood be shed , for in the image of Godhas God made man . " Okay , I was following until that last part . So man is imbued with certain god - like attributes because he was made in god 's image ? Answers the whole capital punishment question I suppose . God establishes his covenant with Noah , saying that he won 't destroy the earth again with a flood . " I 'll use FIRE ! Hahaha ! - - no I 'm just kidding , don 't look at me like that , Noah . " This is the second time we hear about it , but maybe they wanted to make sure it was heard . Or maybe , like Friedman says , Genesis started out as a few books and they were compiled into one . God tells Noah that the rainbow is now a symbol of this promise , that however mad god gets , he won 't send a flood . He does not , however , mention anything about nuclear bombs . Noah and his three sons , Shem , Ham and Japheth came out of the ark , and Noah , being a man who has his priorities in the right place , planted a vineyard . Skip to later when Noah drank the wine , he got sloshed and passed out , naked , in his tent . Ham walked in and probably went , " Ahh ! " and walked out again . Told his brothers about it . " Hey , guys , uhhhh . . . Dad 's drunk and passed out in his tent . " " So ? " " Well , he 's uhhh . . . Forgotten where he put his pants . " " Eugh ! " The two brothers Japheth and Shem walked in backwards with a garment to lay over their drunk dad , and were able to accomplish this feat without seeing the dirty nakedness . Which is yet another unbelievable tale . Noah woke up , " nnnnnnn . . . Hey ! My pants are gone ! " and proceeded to curse Ham ( and , by extension , small - radio opeDivinely Inspired by " God remembered Noah " . The author explains that god sends a wind that blows over the earth so that the waters recede . Well , that makes sense . After 150 days the water was lower , and on the " seventeenth day of the seventh month " the ark foundered in the mountains of Ararat . So they 're sitting in a boat in the mountains . By the tenth month they could see the tops of all the mountains . The time lapse is confusing here . There is mentioned months and days , 150 days , 40 days , which month it was . It confuses me a bit . The waters receded after 150 days , but after 40 days Noah sends out a raven ? Is it 40 days after the waters have receded ? How much time was actually spent on the ark ? And furthermore , what does it matter ? Anyway , at some point Noah sends out a raven and it flies back and forth . Apparently the raven idea was a bust because then he sends out a dove . The dove comes back . So Noah waits seven days and sends it out again . This time the dove brings a " freshly plucked olive leaf ! " Which is a neat trick . I can 't even get my dog to fetch a ball . So Noah knew this meant the flood was over because olive trees only grow at low altitudes . Like , not in the death zone . He waits seven more days and then sends the dove out again , and this time the dove buggers off . So " the first day of the first month of Noah 's six hundred and first year " the flood was over . Although , now they were the only humans , they could 've made up their own calendar and said that they were 30 instead of 601 . But whatever . This was the day Noah saw that the ground was dry , and in the next sentence the author says that actually after the twenty - seventh day of the second month the earth was dry . So the times contradict a little here , too . God told Noah to come out of the ark , because god is apparently a micro - manager , and Noah and all the animals came out and probably stretched their legs a little , wobbled their heads around like you do after a long voyage . God told them all to multiply so that the earth would have animals and people on it . This doesn 't soDivinely Inspired by Noah and his family and the animals on the ark are said to be atop floodwaters that are at least 20 feet taller than the highest mountain . This is probably for the sake of sounding believable ( stifled laugh there ) , because already , for some reason , the dimensions of the ark have been described , and the author wants to make sure the story is cohesive . The thing that the author ( s ) didn 't know was that when you go very high up into the atmosphere , like when you 're climbing Everest , you run out of oxygen . This is why some climbers ( pansies ) take oxygen tanks with them , and the others take their sweet time acclimitizing to the rarefied air . The ' death zone ' is the term used by mountaineers to refer to any height above 8 , 000 metres , or 26 , 250 feet , above sea level . The summit of Mt . Everest is 8 , 848 metres above sea level , or 29 , 028 feet . The reason for giving these altitudes such a buzz - killing name is that the air pressure is much lower and therefore your blood will only be partially saturated with oxygen . Your body will try to compensate for lack of oxygen by ramping up the production of red blood cells and increasing frequency of breathing and heart rate . This acclimitization should happen over a long period of time , and I think that forty days and nights would be a pretty good length of time for it . The only problem is that humans ( and many other animals ) cannot live in the death zone ( imagine that ! ) for very long . Your digestions shuts down , and you can 't sleep , and all your bodily functions slowly deteriorate and then you die . In contrast , the summit of Mt . Ararat is only 5 , 137 metres , 16 , 854 feet , high . Twenty feet taller than this would be a walk in the park as compared to twenty feet above Everest . And it 's likely that the author knew about Ararat , and unlikely they knew about Everest . So god told Noah to go into the ark with his whole family , which consisted of his wife , his three sons and their wives . Eight people . And god tells him also to take seven clean animals with him , and all the other animals should just be paired . Guess he changed his mind about the whole " two of every kind " thing . Oh , and seven of every kind of bird . Seven days is all Noah has left before he knows the world will be destroyed . A whole week . Do you think he was busy doing all those things he 'd put off doing , or do you think he just sat in his bedroom and stared at the wall ? Cause I would 've done the latter . That 's the thing , too . God didn 't give Noah a chance to save humankind , didn 't give him a chance to warn anybody , didn 't tell him he could even divulge this information . Just , " I 'm going to kill everything . Everything except you . Do you feel special now ? " Must 've been a depressing week for Noah , listening to people in the marketplace looking forward to the next season , or families planning for weddings that would never take place . Watching mothers carrying around their sons or daughters in their arms , whose futures are now just a short , watery doom . Or even little things like , " I 'll pay you back next week . " Nope . No you won 't . This is what really bothers me about teaching this particular story to children . Talk about desensitization . " Noah did all that the Lord commanded him . " Yeah , well , not much of a choice , is there ? So Noah was six hundred years old when he went into the ark with all the animals that didn 't really fit and his whole family of sons and daughters - in - law . " On the seventeenth day of the second month " ( that 's unnecessarily precise ) the whole world flooded from the bottom and the top . It rained for forty days and nights . I 'm assuming Noah didn 't take any fish or waterfowl with him on the ark . That would just be stupid . But the author , for the fourth time now , talks about all the animals on the ark with him . And " Then the Lord shut him in . " Presumably saying , " See you when everything you 've ever known is deaDivinely Inspired by |
Posted on May 23 , 2011 by amanita 3 I was sick today . I have actually been sick for days , but today is officially a sick day because I had to call into work . I have it all : fever , chills , coughing fits , swimmy head . I 'm generally pretty useless . One thing I used to really enjoy , and actually used to feel guilty about partaking in when I was jobless , was 2 full hours of West Wing on Bravo in the morning . So I thought that I could guiltlessly watch West Wing while I moaned on the couch and used the dog as a pillow . Guess what ! Bravo does not show West Wing for two hours every day anymore . They show like 12 hours of Millionaire Matchmaker . Now , don 't get me wrong , I kind of love that show and have nothing against it . Millionaire Matchmaker , however , does not hold a candle to two hours daily of Josh Lyman and CJ Cregg . I 'm sorry if anyone disagrees . So I watched the news for awhile , which was more depressing than usual , considering the horrible tornado in Joplin , which is being covered nonstop . But then all of a sudden there was a switchover to our President , in Ireland . They showed video of him having a grand old time in Moneygall with his distant relatives from Ireland . Then I got to see him give his speech in Dublin . He talked about how America is so infused with Irish roots . It was mentioned on the news several times after that how everyone tries to claim they have Irish roots . Now , my name is Erin . This is another word for Ireland . But as far as my parents were concerned , they had no idea whether or not we were Irish . I guess they got lucky that I was a super pale strawberry blonde with blue eyes . Hugh Davidson and his wife , Elizabeth Allen , were from a tiny little town in Northern Ireland , in the County Antrim , called Randalstown . They came over to the U . S . in 1812 just before the war started . They brought two children with them . Once they got into the U . S . , they quickly moved inland towards Ohio and made a home in a few different counties before finally settling in Darke County , near Versailles . I don 't claim to know why they came here . That 's one thing I 'll have to look into when I have time to focus on these folks . It may have something to do with the impending war with Britain . I 'm guessing there is some relation there . This is one of the few ancestors I have found from Ireland . What I find interesting is that none of these Irish ancestors come from the Republic of Ireland . They are all from Northern Ireland , British territory . Posted on May 22 , 2011 by amanita 1 So I went to the library on Thursday for a short little stint after school and was possibly going to meet up with my friend Amy . She was , however , waylaid by the Catholic cemeteries and couldn 't make it . No fear , I had plenty of my own research to do . Well , using the deed records I was able to find out a couple of locations . Andrew 's gggg grandfather , Eli Heaton , had about 80 acres up in the Nora area ( which is now a shopping center that runs right along the Monon Trail ) that he bought for $ 300 in 1835 . I 'm currently trying to somehow prove that we are entitled to that land now , and all the subsequent improvements to that land . I also discovered that Andrew 's gggg - uncle purchased land on the south side of town , not far from where we live now . Asa Heaton owned a chunk of land that now lies adjacent to the Eli Lilly Recreation Area off Raymond Street in Indianapolis . He paid $ 100 for this in 1823 . I 'm not quite as excited about this chunk of land as it is now being used for industrial uses . Sneh . But isn 't it insane ? They 've been here since at least 1823 ! Indiana wasn 't even a state till 1816 . Good job , Heatons . Now , why aren 't there any streets named after you ? My friend Amy was back in Indianapolis , taking a vacation from New Orleans ( huh … ) . We decided last fall that we just hadn 't gotten enough of this area and that we would have to come back . So that 's what we did this weekend . It was a delight . We learned a ton ! We found many many tombstones of family members . We visited the home churches of Amy 's family . We even danced in a cornfield and in a Dairy Queen drive - thru . It doesn 't get much better than that on a chilly spring Saturday . We left Indianapolis early after a delightful breakfast at Sister 's Restaurant . We took I - 70 over to Cloverdale and went south all the way to Washington . The drive was beautiful . The weather was weird . Super cloudy and eerie , and then the clouds would go and it was bright blue skies , and then back to grey and sad , then BLUE ! We got pretty close to Washington when we saw a sign for a Historical Marker down another road . We stop for all historical markers . So we turned down a small country road , crossed some RR tracks and ended up at a marker in the middle of a cornfield . We learned from the marker that the GOP had a rally / conference / meeting in this cornfield during the elections in 1938 . We also discovered that they buried a time capsule at the site that is not to be opened till 2038 . I loooove time capsules ( or at least the idea behind them ) , so needless to say I got really excited . As I was lying on the ground , posing for a picture with the time capsule spot I saw a dead turtle near my head and ran away . Bleh . I might be too excited about this time capsule . I kind of want to show up for this opening in 2038 . I wonder if the neighbors would think that was weird . We then walked on the dusty road a bit and smelled the air because it was so so so clean . It was absolutely silent . I forgot now nice it is to be in the country sometimes . We attempted to enjoy the country by dancing and playing airplane in the road . It was enjoyable . It worked . We finally got to Washington and Amy got us to the library without any help of a map . Amazing ! Yay Amy ! I think she has such a good memory of how to get there because of the stress I caused her trying to get there last time . Stop 2 : Washington Public Library , Washington , Indiana Simply put , this is a beautiful Carnegie library . It 's just so pretty . The exterior is solid and the interior is broken into small rooms , but somehow still feels open and airy . I loved it . We came here last time we were in town and got here 15 minutes before it closed because it closes at 2 on a Saturday ! What use is that ? We camped out at a room in the genealogy section on the other side of the bookshelf from a serial grunter . We knew exactly how successful his research endeavors were going based on the grunting . He was often confused , frustrated , and then every once in awhile successful ( these were a higher pitched grunt - more of a sigh ) . We began scanning the shelves and immediately found histories of the Arvin family , which was the maiden name of Amy 's grandmother . There was even a published book about the entire history of the Arvin family in the area and how they got there . It was pretty amazing . We found her great grandfather , great great grandfather , and so on . Now , one thing about my friend Amy is that she is really Catholic . Like we 've been working on her tree for a while now and I hadn 't found a single relative of hers yet that was not Catholic . It 's a part of her identity . I can only imagine a tragedy unfolding if she ever found out she wasn 't 100 % Catholic ( oh … the guilt ) . Then the Arvin book did what I was supposed to keep secret if I ever found out . Henry Arvin , the man who brought the family to Indiana was a Catholic convert ( a 400 pound one at that , who was too big to farm ) and was most likely Baptist before he converted to his wife 's religion . Amy went through a series of facial transformations that had me laughing so hard I thought I was going to run the grunter out of the room . After the discovery of the Arvin information we continued to find information of the family in wedding records , church records , and county information . It was a pretty successful trip despite the fact that we only had 3 . 5 hours there . Before we left I used the information we got from our research there to plot out the next portion of our trip . We headed to St . Peter 's Church in Montgomery , a large church in a tiny town . The older part of the cemetery here was much larger than that of the rest of the cemeteries we visited that day . It was on a hill and quite scenic . We were able to find quite a few people named Arvin , including a grandparent ! Win ! As we were driving out of Montgomery , we saw a sign for an Amish Village down the street . Obviously we had to go . We turned a corner and there was an entire " village " of white buildings with a couple buggies and some horses . There were also a TON of older folks milling around the grounds and shopping . What we came upon was Gasthof Amish Village . There was a hotel , a bakery , an antique shop ( maybe more than one ) , a restaurant , buggy rides , nature , and more . We walked around in sort of a stunned , open - mouthed stupor . Where did this come from ? Where are we ? Is that singing ? What is this place ? We gave up trying to figure out most of the answers to these questions and continued onto Cannelburg ! We visited Cannelburg the last time we were here and loved it . We had to go back to see the Catholic Church and see if we missed a cemetery that might have been there . All Saints Catholic Church was there and we decided that those parishioners were most likely buried in St . Peter 's . We revisited our favorite Cannelburg landmark , the Cannelburg Jailhouse . This was unplanned because this church has burned and is no longer listed on any maps . In fact , the cemetery that is adjacent to the burned church is not even listed on Google Maps . I have looked for it since and cannot find it again ! Well , I 'm glad we turned around and followed the signs toward St . Mary 's because we found a ton of Amy 's relatives there . For those of you looking for this place , the church ( no longer open ) and cemetery are located at County Road 1200 East and County Road 350 North , on the NW side of the intersection , just south of West Boggs Lake . The most important things we found here were numerous McAtee graves . Based on Google Maps I was pretty sure Whitfield was going to be a small town . I was right . I 'm pretty sure Whitfield consists of the church and a couple of houses . The church is a pretty white building , reminiscent of New England country churches . The Anticipation service was going on at St . Martin while we were visiting the cemetery and when church was out we were able to actually go inside . It was an older church and the interior was cozy and simple . The churchgoers seemed friendly and didn 't look at us like we were criminals , which was nice . Amy was convinced that most of these people were probably her cousins . She was waiting to get invited home to meet the relatives . We found the one grave we were really hoping to find , that of Anna Dell ( McAtee ) Arvin . This is Amy 's great grandmother . She was delighted to find it . It wasn 't until we got to St . Martin that she felt any sort of connection to the area . Earlier , as we were driving away from Montgomery , I said , " It 's so weird that your people are from here … isn 't it ? " And she said , " I was just thinking that . I feel like no connection to this . " But she loved St . Martin , and now wants to go to the Hog Roast they 're having this summer . Things had been going too well . Other than a Mexican food lunch and stomach issue , the trip had been too perfect . So something had to go awry . When I looked at the map , I noticed that heading away from Whitfield and driving towards French Lick we could make a little stop in a town called Hindostan Falls . There isn 't anything left of the town anymore ( which used to be the almost the same size as Louisville back in the earlier part of the 19th century ) . It 's now a small recreational area . That would be nice , right ? No . It wasn 't . The drive started out fine , till we saw two cars pulled off on the side of the road . It looked like a back country drug deal . I 'm sure it wasn 't , but I made a joke about it and Amy got stressed . Then the County Road we were on turned into a gravel road . Amy got more stressed . A bridge showed up ahead of us and she said , " You 're not taking my car over that , are you ? " I really considered turning around because she looked like she was going to have a panic attack . Then as I was getting ready to switch into reverse , a truck pulled up behind us . " Welp , looks like we have to go over ! " . And we did . And it was fine . The road turned back into pavement and it seemed like we were out of the woods . I wasn 't aware that we would soon be in the mud . Southern Indiana has seen its fair share of flooding this spring . I was not , however , aware that there were still flooding issues . The street began to look dirty , then muddy , then mud . Like there was no street . Just mud . I soon realized that if I stopped the car , we would probably stay stopped for good . So I very very carefully maneuvered the car into a U - turn and started going back the way we came . The man in the pickup truck was walking towards us with two kids . As we got closer , I rolled down my window as I slowly rode by and said , " This mud is horrible ! I had no idea ! " . He said , " Just be careful , I looked over at the river and all of a sudden my truck was off the road . " I realized that they were walking cause their massive truck got stuck . I realized there was nothing we could do for these people . If we stopped we would stay stopped . We had no phone reception . We couldn 't help push that thing out , they needed a massive truck for a tow . Their only chance was to get to one of the neighboring houses , and luckily there were a few nearby . I just kept thinking , " Move on ! Save yourself ! " We finally got back to pavement and decided to NOT go back towards the scary bridge . We passed a church that we were convinced was called " The Church of the Gross " because they had a very unfortunate graphic designer for their font . It was , in fact , called the Church of the Cross . We laughed … a lot . We soon made it to French Lick . ( sigh ) When is French Lick not a good idea ? Never . Both Amy and I love French Lick . We stopped by the French Lick Winery for dinner and had a wine tasting while we were waiting for our food . Neither of us bought any wine , but I was definitely tempted . After dinner Amy was very interested in a mini - Blizzard from Dairy Queen . And who am I to say " no " to Dairy Queen ? Amy played DJ during our entire trip and did a pretty good job throughout . When we got to Dairy Queen she really hit her DJing high point . She turned on the new Justin Timberlake and Timbaland song , Carry Out . If you haven 't heard this song , I would highly recommend it . I was skeptical of it myself , but after watching the ridiculous video I was completely won over . We danced . The guy behind us was very amused . And then MotownPhilly came on . It was kind of awesome . We listened to three fabulous dance tunes before we got our mini - Blizzard . We didn 't mind waiting . I love the hot humid Indiana summers , especially the nights when I can sit outside in a tank top and shorts and sip on a mojito well into the evening with no worry of a chill . I love the fall because of the smells . It always smells like someone is burning wood for the sole purpose of making it smell fall - y . It 's still warm , but starts to get dry . I love the sound of the dry leaves shaking on the trees in the wind before they fall . Here 's what I don 't like : unending rain . This is what spring has been for the past two years in Indiana . Rain rain rain and more rain . I 'm done with it . I am ready for summer . Spring is cramping my adventurous ancestry research style . I want to be out there stomping ( or lightly walking ) through cemeteries before they are overgrown . At this point visiting such places requires rubber boots and the knowledge that you will come out caked in mud . I want to visit the small towns where my people ( and Andrew 's ) are from and take pictures of their old homes . I want to not be afraid of floating into a flooded river in my tiny car ( which would totally happen with my luck ) . Posted on April 23 , 2011 by amanita 19 I know it 's wrong to play favorites with family members , which makes me feel like it 's wrong to play favorites with ancestors . There are a few , however , that stand out to me for whatever reason . Some of them may have great stories that I have been able to find . Some of them may have left something great behind . I have decided to start covering some of these favorites . The unfortunate truth is that SO many of my ancestors probably had amazing lives and did amazing things , but there is absolutely no information about them out in the world anymore . Or … at least I haven 't found it yet . I will certainly keep looking . The reason that I know anything about this guy is not because he left our family all of his personal journals ( he didn 't ) . He did , however , leave behind some amazing work . He left behind some amazing buildings . Good old T . I . was an architect and started a firm that employed much of the Lacey family . Many of his buildings , and those of his firm in general , are still standing today which is amazing ! He has a great name . Truman Isaac Lacey . So solid . He sounds very stuffy . I 'm sure he was . He also gave one of his sons an amazing name : Bascom Taylor Lacey . Amazing . So this is just one of many of my favorite ancestors . Look out for another installment of " A Favorite Ancestor " sometime next month . If you have one of your own , leave me a comment about them . Posted on April 10 , 2011 by amanita 1 So I was on an obituary hunt yesterday . It was a drizzly nasty Saturday morning and I thought it was the perfect time to head on down to the Indiana State Library for a little research . While I only found one obituary on my list of six hopefuls , I had a great time scanning the articles in these newspapers that ranged from 1884 - 1930 . If you know me , then you know that I am a Groundhog Day fan . Not just the movie , but the actual holiday . Don 't get me wrong , I also love the film Groundhog Day and am a full - fledged fangirl of Bill Murray . Many of these newspapers will have just one line notes about , " Ms . Taylor is visiting her sister in Podunkville this week . " or , " Mr . Smith saw the first robin of the spring on his farm . " The one - line response that The Zionsville Times had on February 7 , 1884 to the groundhog prediction was , " The ground - hog had no reasonable excuse for not seeing his shadow . " That was it . Nothing else to the opinion . Some things don 't change , including that crazy ground - hog . The Danville Republican from March of 1897 had a really interesting report on a meeting that took place in Macon ( maybe Georgia ? they didn 't specify ) . The headline read , " Is Woman a Human Being ? This question gravely discussed at a Bishop 's Council at Macon . " It was completely serious . It let us know that while the discussion was held , no real pressure was put on anyone to feel one way or another . If you feel they aren 't … then you are entitled to that opinion . Awesome . Another amazing thing about some of the older papers , the snake oil remedy ads . Amazing . Some papers they 'll take up half of most pages ! I love it . Posted on April 1 , 2011 by amanita 17 A few posts prior to this I wrote about my intentions of going back to Rumley , Ohio with my little sister . This trip finally happened on our Spring Break . It was kind of awesome and often hilarious . Lil ' Amsters ( as she will be referred to ) came over to my house around 9ish and we prepped for the trip . Camera ( check ) , maps ( check ) , notes ( check ) , computer ( check ) , and coffee ( double check ! ) . We were set ! I drove . This was probably for the best , despite the fact that I have an older car than Lil ' Amsters , and it often drives like it 's going to fall apart at any second . I have recently ( over the past 10 years ) developed a car sickness issue . It has gotten to the point where if I am not driving , I get super nauseated . Sometimes even when I am driving , but the roads are super windy , I 'll still feel a little wonky . If I 'm in the backseat … watch out . I will be moaning and whining within minutes . The backseat of a large automobile , like a van , is almost unimaginable to me now . Amy has her own car issues . She has developed a fear of driving on the interstate in construction , or along walls , or near semis , which is pretty much MOST of the interstate . In fact , as we were driving she told me a hilarious story of a recent trauma stemming from her fear , which culminated with the QOTD ( quote of the day ) : ” … and that was when I realized I could never drive monks to the airport again " . I laughed for like … . 20 minutes . The longer we drove , the more I realized I think I built up Amy 's expectations for this trip . She had her own story of a ghost town that she came upon in Arizona about 7 years ago . It was an actual ghost town . She could even wander in and out of the houses . Super creepy and super awesome . She said she even had a dream about our trip the night before . In her dream a tornado had dropped a house next to her , on its side . She really wanted to go searching through it but she wanted to wait for me . That was sweet , even if it was a dream . So we headed to our first stop . Piqua ! The reason that I wanted to stop here on the way is because it was the last residence of a great great grandfather , Daniel Staudt . As we drove through we were kind of stunned by some of the amazing neighborhoods in this random little town . As we began to follow the directions towards our family 's home we realized he was not in one of these neighborhoods . He was definitely on the other side of the tracks . We found the house . He died in 1935 , so I 'm guessing this was probably the actual house he lived in . It doesn 't look newer than that . His father , Simon , was a weaver . One thing we noticed about Piqua was that there was a restaurant called Weavers and a blanket company right on the Main Street . I 'm going to have to look into that to see if there is any connection . We drove on to the Shelby County 's seat , Sidney . We loved Sidney . What a strange and interesting place full of amazing architecture . Also , I have not seen so many banks in one town square as I did there . My favorite was this one . I couldn 't stop looking at it . It was just so insane ! The following pictures include my other favorite spot on the square . Please keep in mind that these two shops are right next to each other . There is one shop that separates them . I believe this is a Right to Life Thrift Shop ? And there is a dance studio here as well ? I am hoping the dance studio space is upstairs or something . We weren 't crazy hungry yet so we headed to the library . This is the first time Lil ' Amsters has done any research with me . I think she was a little skeptical of being able to find anything here . We got down to the basement , where all the local historical information resided , and found one man researching and two adolescent girls snickering about cute boys and books about vampires ( oh , the girls were spontaneous singers , as well ) . We found a WEALTH of information there in the basement . In fact , the information I was mostly seeking out was about Rumley and the Goings / Goins family . I found a book that was completely about the black communities of Shelby County , and specifically Rumley . One of the biggest questions I was trying to answer was : why did everyone leave ? And why did they leave at this time ? Turns out that was a question that a lot of people had . This book provided a few different ideas , that were different from ones I read before . This book suggested that maybe their southern style of farming wasn 't working in the north . I am guessing this would have caused them to move elsewhere earlier since they were there for like 30 - 50 years . Another suggestion was that they were irritated with all the white people moving into the area . So this book suggested that the families in Rumley were racist and annoyed with white people and wanted to move where there were less of them . This is unlikely since my family moved from Rumley to areas full of white people . So these were both very strange suggestions . Also , many of them had intermarried , soooo … They were of mixed races . Not really buying that argument . So , we 've still got a mystery . Lil ' Amsters ' favorite part of the trip to the library was looking at the death record book , which includes the cause of death for everyone . I 'm going to admit , this is very entertaining . I have to remind myself that these were real people and we shouldn 't be laughing at their demise but here are some of the good ones : killed while wrestling , yellow stomach , fits , confinement , drunkeness , teething , and sinking chills . Another thing I learned was that a distant uncle , Salthial Goings , was a RASCAL . I noticed before that he had been married a lot . Well turns out he got divorced a lot . In the divorce court records to a Sarah Goings , it states , " Goings , Salathial vs . Sarah A . Goings : Oct 1860 . Death of plaintiff suggested , action abated . " Really ? By " suggested " do they mean " assumed " ? Or was he really THAT bad ? There was so much more at the Sidney library to be researched , but we didn 't have all day . We spent about an hour there . By the time we left my stomach was RAGING with hunger . We headed over to a restaurant on the square called The Spot . And it truly was . They had some great malted milkshakes . I felt like I had walked into a small town version of the Peach Pit . That was a Beverly Hills 90210 reference for all those who didn 't catch it . We stopped at Collins Cemetery first . This is the " cemetery " I wrote about previously , which is actually just a weird slab in the middle of a field with a bunch of headstones stacked up and a memorial stone . I am wondering if this was the spot of the original cemetery . Are the bodies still buried here ? We stopped at the old schoolhouse which still stands there . At the library we did find out that this schoolhouse was actually built in the 1890s , which means that none of our family went to school here , but it was still pretty old and kind of awesome . Based on the context clues ( beer boxes inside , huge BBQ smokers outside ) this place is now used for a party spot . A gathering place . I 'm just glad it 's being used and not being removed . We moved onto the church and neighboring creek . We learned from the books in the library that this creek was where the residents and churchgoers were baptized . We wandered down to the banks and realized that they had recently had a flood . We optimistically hoped to find some random remnant of the old village but there was not much . We did find some bricks that were not stamped with a title , and wondered if they had been homemade in those parts , but they were pretty nice and seemed pretty newish . We headed next door to the church and had a look . The church had very little information about their actual structure . I have no idea if it 's been rebuilt . It has at least been re - sided . Other than that I have no idea . As Lil ' Amy looked around she got kind of sad . She realized that there was really nothing left of the old village and no abandoned houses to rummage through . We hoped to see some of the old roads or something , or some old foundations . Nothing . Seems that this area has been cleaned up and there is nothing left . As we pulled off the main strip of Rumley we spotted something just beyond where the town would have been and pulled in . Just what we were looking for ! And with no one around ! Having a little peek . Seems it is used for nothing now , nothing much in there but used bottles of alcohol . This place DOES seem like the kind of place to throw a good party . Our Staudt relatives were buried in Houston , Ohio . We found the cemetery after a series of near missed turns through back - roads Ohio . One thing that I do appreciate in Indiana is that our road numbering system makes a little more sense than Ohio 's system . In Indiana if you miss a road , you can always figure it out at the next road . This is how the internal dialogue would go , " Oh . Wait . Did I miss County Road 400 ? Lemme see , oh … here 's 450 . Oh , and here 's 500 . Yep . Missed it . Let me turn around and make this right . " In Ohio , it 's more like this , " Oh my god . If I didn 't have my iPhone I would be screwed . " We found Houston and the church and the cemetery . We had a lovely little walkabout the cemetery , till the wind shifted and the cow smell became very apparent . The walk became less lovely , but we continued on . We found the graves of most of my direct Staudt relatives . Victory ! Before long Lil ' Amsters was on the phone and I saw a sign for an Historical Marker . I can 't pass a sign like that without inspecting . I turned down the street and found something amazing , Bear 's Mill . This is a still functioning mill that houses a shop where they sell the grain and cornmeal they still make . They also sell the wares of Darke County , Ohio residents . I ended up buying some Bear 's Mill blend coffee … . and it 's kind of awesome ! What an amazing stretch of road . If you love those little quick hills that bring your stomach up through your throat you will LOVE this road . I was squealing for miles ! Literally miles . Lil ' Amsters on the other hand was trying not to squeal as she was on the phone and was trying to not be rude . She did raise her arms in the traditional roller coaster stance . While on 227 we also drove through some wacky little towns as well as some amazing ones . Whitewater , Indiana . Strange . That 's all I 'm gonna say . 227 took us back to the interstate and we took the boring way the rest of the way home . Lil ' Amsters complained that my car was going to fall apart and that I was driving too fast for it . I was driving the speed limit . Welcome to my life . Posted on March 19 , 2011 by amanita 1 There are names that cause me stress in my tree . Most of these names are the boring ones . I have Jones , Smith , AND Brown . It 's the trifecta of bland . There is , however , one name that causes me the most stress . You 'd think that the fact that it is a strange and unique name that it would be SO easy to work with . You 'd be wrong . The name is … . My M _______ er family comes from Pennsylvania , the Scranton area . If anyone has any information on these folks , please let me know . They 're killing me . Slowly . My great grandmother was Cora Motzenbacher who married Lewis Smith . Her father was Sylvester Motzenbacher ( who I have decent info from in his later life ) . He was married to a Catherine Griffith , who was a Welsh immigrant . I believe that HIS father was a Charles Motzenbacher , also married to a Catherine . But this is where I get hazy . Posted on March 11 , 2011 by amanita 30 Most of the time I think that my younger sister and I couldn 't be any more different , but we have a few very strange things in common . We both used to have recurring dreams that involved tornadoes . Mine were nightmares . Hers were more fun , obviously . We used to kick each other under the table during meals without even realizing it until we 'd get yelled at for it . We both enjoy playing " The Cleaning Game " . I won 't go into the specific rules of that one . Another thing we have in common is our love for abandoned houses and ghost towns . When I told her the story of Rumley , Ohio and how I longed to return to Shelby County and learn more about it , she was delighted , and wanted to come along as well . Rumley doesn 't exist anymore . There is a New Rumley , Ohio . This incorporated area is known for being the birthplace of George Custer . But Rumley … nothing . My father is John Brown . His mother is Gene Munn . Her mother is Eva Hill . Her father was Adam Hill . His mother was Edna Goings . Her father was Joel Goings . Joel Goings was a free black man who , along with his brother Wesley , started his own village : Rumley , Ohio . A cemetery still stands in the area where Rumley once stood . Well … it 's kind of a cemetery . Joel did something very shocking for the 1830s . He married a white woman . Not just a white woman , but an Irish white woman , so she was most likely REALLY white . Joel and Elizabeth ( Cole ) Goings had 11 children together . Many of those children were born in Rumley . They attended school here . For decades they got married and had their own children here . Suddenly , in the late 1860s and early 1870s the marriage records of the family were diminishing in Shelby County because everyone had moved away . According to the reading I have done , it seems that many of those that lived in the black and mixed communities of Shelby County and Northwest Ohio were eventually run out of their own towns . Around Rumley signs were posted warning of physical harm if Black residents didn 't take up residency elsewhere . In Rumley this began around the 1860s , which was obviously a stressful time in race relations , right smack dab in the middle of the Civil War . My goal is to find out what happened to Rumley . Did something happened that set off the racial tensions that lead to the mass exodus from the town ? This is something I am very interested in researching . Maybe my little sister will come with me on my next trip . Posted on February 26 , 2011 by amanita 7 My mom died a year ago today . Needless to say , it 's been kind of a rough year . Throughout my genealogy research , one thing I have learned is that obituaries used to be much more personal and interesting to read . While attempting to put together my mom 's obituary a year ago , we made sure to get all the " important " stuff in there ; but there were a lot of family names we had include , and not enough space to mention how unique of a person she really was . Linda Lee Kinsley Shaw Jennings Brown Kelley ( as I used to call her when I was being a brat and she would refer to me as Erin Elizabeth ) loved music . She used to ride around in her car with CDs that were especially made by her children with all of her favorites , dancing the Linda dance . This dance took on three different forms . There was a fist shake . There was the flat hand thrust . Then there was the combo of the two . She loved all kinds of music . She even loved disco . Every time some cheesy disco song would come on an oldies station she would remind us about how disco was a " real art form " and that she took disco lessons back in the 1970s , and so did A LOT of other people . She loved Motown . She obsessed over Michael Jackson 's live performances , especially when he was young . She hated John Mellencamp because he was " too country " but loved Kenny Rogers . She loved films , and therefore loved soundtracks . A year later and I still can 't listen to You Can 't Always Get What You Want by the Rolling Stones without bursting into tears ( as The Big Chill was her favorite movie ) . Linda loved movies . She claimed to dislike violent films that didn 't have any moral value , except she loved Die Hard ( and many others that didn 't fit her description of moral ) . She loved watching movies about the persecution and hardship of groups of peoples . Anything civil rights or Holocaust - based was right up her alley . In fact , when she was in the rehab hospital just a month before she died she told me all about how she had watched Fiddler on the Roof the night before and how she just cried and cried . " Isn 't that the best movie ? " To my mom , everything was the best or the worst . It was always , " Wasn 't that the BEST cheeseburger you 've ever had ? " Yes , mother . I remember all cheeseburgers in my history and that one was THE best . " Isn 't this the worst winter EVER ? " Yes . The worst . Ever . Linda had six children . She was their biggest fan and most vocal advocate , especially to each other . Within sibling relationships there will always be strife , but my mom was the peacemaker . She tried to make us realize that we are all so completely different . We shouldn 't try to change each other , but accept each other as they are . One thing I heard from my mom often was , " You 've got to get over it . That is how _______ is . " This was easier said than done , but I understand what she means . She finally got to do what she really wanted to when she started her company , which eventually became Healthcare Professionals . But she always worked , before and after Healthcare . I mean … she took vacations and whatnot . But I never remember my mother taking much of a break . She never really retired . When she " retired " she continued to work on her booth and work for Alliance Home Care . When she got sick she was so upset that she wasn 't working , and couldn 't wait to get back to it . She gave that work ethic to her kids . She always thought I was better than I was and tried to be a cheerleader for everything I was interested in doing . When I moved away from home she demanded a phone call every other day or so . If I didn 't call her , she would call me . If I didn 't return calls , I would get an earful and a guilt - trip . This usually wasn 't so hard for me , considering during my entire childhood my first move when I got home from school was to call my mom . It is still hard for me to pick up the phone after an interview or a really good movie and realize she isn 't the person to call anymore . She loved to travel , but refused to leave the country ( " There 's just so much to see here ! Why would I need to leave ? " ) . She loved having a place to get away . They had what we called " the metal tent " at Lake Lemon for years . Her other favorite places to visit were Las Vegas ( because she loved the nickel slots ) , French Lick , Indiana ( a place we went as a family for years ) , and pretty much anywhere else with Fred . On a short weekend jaunt to Lake Lemon , ( near Bloomington , IN ) with the whole fam . She loved her husband , Fred . She took care of him and probably drove him insane . I can still hear her in my head screaming , " Frederick ! Get In Here ! " She nagged him , but I am convinced that he liked it . Linda was sick for years , but kept most of her health problems a secret from her children . She had a heart attack at 57 . She had diabetes for years before she told us she had it . She had congestive heart failure for a long time before she told us she had it . Her kidneys were failing when she attended my wedding and never mentioned anything about it . While she cared for everyone else , she did not take care of herself . I never saw her eat a fresh vegetable or a piece of fruit … in my entire life . When she finally got outwardly sick , it was too late . My mom was in the hospital for a few weeks , and then in PT rehab a few weeks . Things were looking up when she was finally sent home to continue physical therapy from there . She seemed upbeat and happy . She had started dialysis , which she hated . The last time I talked to her we were making plans for me to take her to dialysis and then hang out and have dinner at her place . I never got to pick her up . She went to the first treatment of dialysis that week and had a heart attack as she was waiting . She never woke up again . I am at least grateful that our last conversation was a good one , and she was in good spirits . We didn 't bicker at all , which is mildly shocking . But I didn 't get to tell her I really did enjoy her , or tell her I liked seeing movies with her ( even really bad ones ) , or that I always liked her spaghetti the best . Or goodbye . My mother was not a saint . There are things that she did in her life that I would not consider commendable . She was stubborn as anyone I have ever met in my life . Sometimes when I talked about my mom the word " infuriating " would slip out … . regularly . She was often close - minded about the weirdest things . " I could never date a bald man . " But she was nice . She was SO nice . Anyone who ever met her could never say otherwise . These are the things she should be remembered for . |
Eastenders have the audacity to kill off my favourite character , Pat Butcher , but that 's only the start of it . First they give her angina , they follow this up with a pulmonary embolism and then top it all off with cancer . It 's the cancer I have issues with . The cancer is supposed to be so advance and so wide spread that she only has days left . I 've known people with cancer and I know for a fact that people with cancer as advanced as hers is supposed to be would be rolling in agony months ago . All she 's had is ' a bit of belly ache now and again ' . She 'd have also lost weight but if anything is larger than ever . Now I love my soaps , they are my wind down after a difficult day , they are something I look forward too when I 'm so ill all I can do is watch TV but more and more they are becoming unrealistic in order to hype up the drama . For those who don 't know , Pat has been in the soap for twenty five years so her death is going to be a huge event however she dies . A simple heart attack or even passing in her sleep would have sufficed . Instead they have turned the event into a pantomime and totally devalued it . It has been an odd couple of days . The time of year brings out the best and the worst in people , add to that the total lack of common sense and there have been some very odd goings on . Most of it could be solved if people just thought about what they were doing and showed some consideration for others . I am ever so glad I 'm off tomorrow , I think it will be manic . A quick update on the three policemen hurt in a road accident . They are all still in hospital and said to be in good spirits . Thanks goodness for that . As I write this I 'm waiting for Laurence to arrive . He will be staying over night so we can have a big family dinner tomorrow . He 's had a bit of a rough Christmas so I think being pampered by his mum will be just what he needs . Tonight we will settle down in front of the TV with some snacks and champers and watch the fireworks while toasting in the New Year . 2011 has been a fairly crap year for me one way or another . I 've spent a great deal of it in hospital and at one point was so poorly all I could do was sit . I 'm hoping that 2012 will be better , in fact I 'm hoping it will be my year and I finally get my transplant . And if I can 't have my transplant then I hope I can at least avoid long periods of ill health . We had a tragedy in the village yesterday . A man stepped in front of a train . The police , fire and ambulance turned up in force and spent the next hour or so picking up the pieces . Apparently the station platform was a mess and passengers were stuck on the train for well over an hour before it was in a fit state to let them off . How horrible ! Why do people do this to themselves ? Of course we don 't know whether it was a suicide or an accident , no doubt the local press will tell us eventually . If it was an accident you have to ask why he was on the tracks ? I 'd have said it was too early in the evening for him to be drunk but of course these days it is perfectly possible to be drunk at six in the morning let alone six at night . I doubt we will ever know all the details but the media will undoubtedly embellish what they are told to make the whole thing as horrific as possible . It is the family I feel really sorry for , especially this time of year . I hope they are OK , or at least as OK as it is possible to be in these circumstances . Talking of family I couldn 't help thinking of Andrew when I heard , if he wants to be a paramedic he is , sooner or later , going to have to deal with something similar . I hope he 's strong enough because I know I would not be . . Also heard about three of our police officers being seriously hurt when two boy racers decided to dice with death and hurtle down one of our main roads on the wrong side . Two of the officers are serious but stable while the third is not so serious . As is always the way the person causing this mayhem escaped without a scratch and has been arrested . I hope all three policemen recover quickly . I have lived in the village over twenty years and don 't remember anyone being hit by a train here before , so naturally it is the topic of conversation wherever you go . Ours is a quiet part of the world so to have two major incidents so close in location and date is very unusual and has the village doom merchants muttering about what the third one will be . In the newsagent one woman told me , rather too enthusiastically that all we need now is a pile up on the motorway . I bit my tongue , I hope and pray there will not be a third but for some it will be the icing on the cake . I did my first seven hour stint today and boy am I tired . It must be six months since I worked more than six hours and although it is only one hour longer I definitely felt it . I was supposed to go out to Tesco this evening to get stuff in for the New Year meal but I was far too shattered so I 'm going to have to call in on my way home tomorrow , joy . The trouble with me is that once I 'm home with a cuppa in my hand and my feet up I just do not want to leave the house again . As you know I 've been travelling in to work rather early the last few days and on my travels have seen all kinds of wildlife from deer to foxes to some weird weaselly thing that ran across the road in front of me . Today I was privileged to see a barn owl , at least I think it was a barn owl . It was huge and quite light in colour and flew right across the road only a few feet in front of me . What a treat , I 've seen owl in zoo 's and at bird exhibitions in shopping centers but I 've never seen one so close in the wild . Sometimes I really , really love living in the country . Today I decided that I 'd had enough of lying on the settee stuffing myself with chocolate and watching crap so geared myself up to venture to the shops . I was surprised to find it wasn 't as bad as I thought it was going to be . We found a free parking space with very little trouble , I 've had more trouble locating one on a normal Saturday , and were soon battling through the crowds . I tried to hire a scooter but all were booked out , in fact all were booked up for days so we brought my push along chair instead . However I decided to try getting around on my own two feet as I hate being in a chair when it is so busy . Inside the shopping center it was busier than the car park lead us to believe and it wasn 't long before I began to feel very tired . In the end I was moving from bench to bench while Peter dashed in and out of the shops to see what was there . We looked at the TV 's in John Lewis but agreed that as we didn 't need one we 'd leave it as the discounts were not that great . Peter looked at the photography stuff and I did a quick flit around the kitchenware , both coming away with empty hands . Our next stop was Waterson 's as Peter had vouchers and he got a couple of books . To cut a long story short , after an hour an a half we came away with three paperbacks and a calender for the kitchen . How bad is that ? The problem is that we both hate shopping and don 't see the point of doing so unless we actually need something but at least we did try , even if we failed yet again . At least our shopping experience wasn 't as bad as that of those braving Oxford Street in London a couple of days ago . I cannot believe that someone was stabbed to death over a row over trainers . At first it appeared to be a case of shop rage but as more details emerge you have to wonder what the hell is going on with our young people today . As it turns out this was not a case of simple shop rage , this , it turns out , is gang related . Apparently there is a certain type of trainer that is worn by gang members , yes I know what you are thinking and no I don 't know if each gang has a different trainer . Two rival gangs had rocked up to the shop selling the trainers , not to buy them , but to steal them . An argument broke out over who was stealing what and as a result one of them got stabbed and died . Is it bad that I have no sympathy for the lad that died or the gang members now ' helping police with their enquiries ' ? From my point of view you live by the trainer , you die by the trainer . Spoke to my mother the other night and once again broached the subject of having a transplant . I 've tried to speak to her about this twice now and am bemused and a little hurt that she doesn 't even want to discuss it . She has been very enthusiastic and supportive throughout my battle with PH and the various treatments I 've had but mention a possible cure and she clams up . I know some people find it hard to talk about things like this but as a former nurse I wouldn 't have expect my mum to be squeamish . She found religion a few years back and has some odd views on various things as a result so I 'm wondering if this is why she just won 't talk about it . I 'm not going to let her weird reaction stop me from going for it but I wish she 'd back me on this as she has everything else . Andrew had another driving lesson today . He did a perfect three point turn but managed to stall it yet again by choosing the wrong gear . He is still finding reversing around a corner incredibly difficult but all in all he enjoyed himself . His instructor is predicting him being ready to take the test at the end of February . He is still revising like fury and I 'm very impressed that he has stuck with his revision programme as in the past it has tailed off within a few days . If he doesn 't get good grade 's in the January exam it will not be for the want of trying . I 'm back at work tomorrow but only for three days and then off for another five . I 'm really looking forward to the New Year as Laurence will be coming to stay over New Year 's Eve and we 'll be having a big family meal New Year 's Day . Can 't wait ! As predicted time flew past me like water and before I knew it I was shoving the turkey in the oven and indulging in a buck 's fizz . I don 't drink , partly out of choice and partly because it might upset all the meds I 'm on but I always relax the rules at Christmas , as a result I enjoy it more . On Friday Peter ventured into Tesco at 0700 in the hope of picking up the last few bits and pieces in peace . He was sadly mistaken as even at that hour of the morning the place was heaving . When he got back we both agreed that if we 'd forgotten anything it would have to stay forgotten as we were not going back to any supermarket this side of Christmas . I was in work and arrived home to find the kitchen and dining room absolutely pristine , Peter and Andrew had decided to give both a deep clean before the big day . As we were relaxing in the evening with a drink and some nibbles the news came in that Prince Phillip was being rushed to Papworth with ' severe chest pains ' . Mindful of the Duke 's age the media started to act as though preparing for the worst . No one has said the word but considering the treatment he had I suspect what really happened was a mild heart attack . The update later on said he 'd had a stent inserted to unblock an artery , this is a routine op that has a very good success rate , however I doubt it is carried out on many ninety years olds and so concern was still high . I didn 't know who to feel most sorry for , Prince Phillip because he must have been really poorly to be admitted to hospital . The Queen , who faces spending Christmas with a relative in hospital with a heart problem , I wouldn 't wish that on anybody , or the hospital staff because I doubt Phillip is an easy patient . On Christmas Eve I was at work so it was up to Peter and Andrew to collect the turkey from the local farmer and sort out all the last minute things such as finding the Christmas table cloth etc . Personally I think I had the best of the deal as I was constantly fed sweets , fruit and at one point a huge but delicious bacon and egg sandwich . I came home , with the sandwiches I 'd made for lunch still wrapped , feeling rather bloated . Not surprisingly I didn 't feel like much for tea . The news on Prince Phillip was more reassuring but it was obvious that for the first time in several decades the Queen will not enjoy his company on Christmas Day . The press release talks in vague tones of ' keeping him in for a few days for observation ' . To me this rings a few alarm bells , normally patients go home within twenty four hours of having the procedure , the really lucky ones get to go home the same day . The fact they are keeping him in , especially over Christmas could mean several things . They are either being over cautious because of who he is and his age . The initial attack was more serious than reported . He isn 't responding as well as expected . I suspect we will never know the details but it sounds a bit suspicious to me . Christmas day was quiet , a little too quiet to be honest . There was a big hole at the table where Laurence should have been but he was working and was much missed . He rang in the evening and his Christmas hasn 't been all sweetness and light , he had to deal with a hanging and got involved in a couple of brawls . He sounded quite upbeat but is obviously looking forward to spending the New Year with us . We tucked into turkey with all the trimmings and decided that this year instead of the heavy stodgy traditional Christmas pud to have a fruity cheesecake , a decision that turned out to be very popular . After coffee and a clear up , it was present time . Again we missed Laurence and the occasion felt a little flat . Everyone was really pleased with their gifts though , no more so than Andrew who fell in love with his notebook at first glance . He spent the rest of the day setting it up , he is removing windows and installing Linex , no I don 't know why either , while Peter and I watched the TV . Phillip is still in hospital but reportedly ' in good spirits ' and tucking in to a turkey dinner . Well I suspect the first bit might be stretching the truth a bit , I don 't know anyone who would be in good spirits if they were forced to spend Christmas Day in hospital . As for the second part , lets hope what is dumped in front of him doesn 't give him another heart attack , hospital food is hospital food regardless of what day it is . Something I must comment on while I remember is panic generated amongst women last week when it was revealed that some breast implants are faulty and are supposedly linked to cancer . The faulty implants are of the cheap PIP variety and have been found to be made from industrial silicon instead of medical silicon , I have no idea what the difference is . According to investigators in France one woman has already died and eight others have been diagnosed with cancer . First lets get this into proportion , nine women out of tens of thousands worldwide . That doesn 't sound like a very high count to me . Before I go on I must state that I am a firm believer in making do with what you 've got and not fiddling with your body unnecessarily . My view is that breast implants are an excellent thing when used for what they were originally designed for which is reconstruction , anything else is just plain vanity and stupidity . I have never understood the need for bigger breasts , having been given more than my fair share especially as a young woman I hated them . I could never wear a sun dress or strappy top in the summer without a bra . Sport was uncomfortable at best and humiliating at worst as this was before the advent of sports bras so I bounced around all over the place . Even swimming was difficult as they got in the way , spilled out over the top of my costume and provided such drag that I had to work twice as hard as everyone else . And lets not even go in to what happened to them when I was pregnant . Why would anyone willing want to put themselves through all that ? Boob jobs don 't even look nice , at best they resemble footballs glued to the chest and men confess that they much prefer the natural look regardless of size . So why spend all that money disfiguring yourself ? Personally I feel if you were stupid enough to shove two plastic bags into your body then more fool you . Anything introduced into the body that is not supposed to be there is going to cause problems eventually , if you want the gain you 're just going to have to put uAnd finally , Phillip is still in hospital , suspicious or what ? Just when you are happy and settled something comes along to ' improve ' things and you 're back to square one . So it is with Blogger , which has updated itself and now has a totally new layout . Took me ages to work out how to post , couldn 't find the button , oh hum . I 've been starting work early this week and this means driving to work in the dark , a very weird experience as my body keeps telling me it should be wrapped up tight in bed . At least I also finish early so I do at least see daylight . My colleagues on full time hours working 8am - 6pm don 't see daylight for days on end as our room has no windows . Work has been quiet , much quieter than I expected on the run up to Christmas which is a bit unnerving , I can 't help thinking something nasty is going to catch us out on Christmas Eve and have us all running around like headless chickens . Equally unnerving is the appearance of huge tins of chocolates that start doing the rounds as soon as we sit at our desks . I don 't know about you but sweets that early in the morning just isn 't right . I have to at least get my first cup of tea in before I can face anything like that . I went to see Occupational Health today , I have to go every couple of months so they can keep an eye on me , and they were delighted with my improved health . At the moment I 'm on reduced hours but they have relented and are allowing me to increase from six hours a day to , wait for it , seven hours a day after Christmas . Can I stand the excitement ! In all seriousness I know I have to be careful and take things slowly . Rushing things will only mean not coping and ending up back where I started but it is so frustrating . Still I must look on the positive side and at least my hours are increasing so alls good . Andrew took his driving theory test today and passed with flying colours , in fact he got 100 % on one of them so he is really pleased with himself . His actual driving test will be sometime in February / March so plenty of time yet and he is making good progress . He also had a lesson today and said that he is still finding reversing a bit of a problem but he forgets that this is only his fifth lesson so the fact he can do it at all is impressive . Andrew has been very good about his revision these holidays and spends at least four hours each day pouring over his books . I 've never seen him so focused . I really hope all the effort pays off and is reflected in his grades . It is drug count day and we have been busy doing our inventory ready for the call that never comes due tomorrow . I 'm a bit dubious about ringing in so close to Christmas , especially as they can 't get it right even when it isn 't Christmas . As I am in work I have told Peter to get the name of the person that calls , if they do , so we can at least pin the blame on somebody when something vital doesn 't arrive in January . My countdown to Christmas is almost finished and Peter is heading to Tesco 's tomorrow before eight to do the last few bits , then all we have to do is collect the turkey from the farm on Saturday and we are done . If we have forgotten anything well it isn 't a disaster and I won 't fret about it . Peter 's present finally arrived and I managed to wrap it and put it under the tree while he was out collecting Andrew from his theory test so that panic is also over . In the news the military wives are busy outselling the X factory winners and are now a dead cert to be the Christmas number one . How refreshing to see that despite the promotion and hype the Great British public made the right choice for once . Even more refreshing is the government not charging VAT on the single so that more money can go to the charity it is supporting . The military wives might be a one hit wonder but how much good are they doing with that one hit and none of the choir members will profit by a penny . It is nice to know that there are people out there still for which money isn 't everything . The American 's have finally left Iraq and within hours bombs are going off left , right and center . Whatever it was that the American 's hoped to achieve they have clearly failed and have left behind an unstable country where different factions seem hellbent on killing each other come what may . Not a lot to show for ten years occupation is it . John Terry is facing criminal charges for racially abusing a black footballer . However everyone is ' behind ' him and he retains his captaincy . So who says football isn 't racist ? In any other job Terry would at the very least be under close supervision , in most he 'd be suspended . The message being clearly sent out is that it is fine to be racist if you play football . As a lot of football supporters need very little encouragement to be vile to their fellow man this is not the signal they need . I don 't know anything about Terry or the incident , he may well be a very nice chap and totally innocent I 'm not to judge . However as a role model shouldn 't he be offering to take a step back until things are resolved ? I am hoping to get time to write on Christmas Even but as things do tend to overtake me at times can I just take this opportunity to wish everyone a very Happy Christmas . I wish for you everything you 'd wish for yourself . Enjoy ! He arrived home early on Sunday afternoon looking more than a little tired . He and his mates had toured the pubs of Covent Garden until the early hours then had to be up again at seven for the jump . He was so shattered that he actually lay down on our bed and took a couple of hours nap . I baked a cake for tea which was a massive success , even if I do say so myself , and he left around six thirty looking a lot fresher and with a box of cake under his arm . All through tea he complained that he was getting too old for staying up all night . Old ! He 's only twenty three , youngsters today , they just have no stamina . We are on edge today waiting for a phone call that will tell us that Andrew 's Christmas present is in and ready for collection . We are getting him a net book , partly because I would like to have my laptop back and secondly because he will need one when he goes to uni . He has particular requirements and so finding a laptop with all of them hasn 't been easy . We eventually tracked one down in a store in Luton and quickly put a reserve on it for pick up on Saturday . We arrived , gave our reservation number and paid while a shop assistant went into the back to collect our purchase . As he handed the box over we noticed that the seal had been breached . Further investigation showed the machine covered in fingerprints and with all the bubble wrap torn off . Even the paperwork was missing . Naturally we objected to this and fair do 's to the assistant and the section head they agreed that what we had was the display item and not the brand new one we 'd been promised . Unfortunately that was the only one left in the shop , a quick ring around found four in Richmond , one of which is now supposed to be winging it 's way to Luton for us to collect sometime this afternoon . I pray there are no more hiccups or we could have one very disappointed baby come Christmas day . In the news the big story of the day is the death of North Korea 's ' Dear Leader ' Kim Jong - Il . Reports say he died on Saturday of a heart attack while traveling by train . Not much is known about him being a secretive and protective country . Even less is known about his successor , son Kim Jong - Un . As the country has nuclear weapons and an army of five million lets hope that just like his father the new leader is more interested in rattling the west than attacking it . What got me were the scenes of grief , from the distraught newsreader to the ordinary person on the street . Either he was a much better leader than we were lead to believe or the common people are trying to keep in with the new boy . The last time I saw anything quite as bad as that was when Princess Diana died . Someone who 's passing will not be marked by any show of public grief is that of The Black Panther Donald Neilson . This man shot three sub postmasters and kidnapped and murdered teenager Leslie Whittle during a violent spree in 1974 / 75 . Peter Sutcliffe , The Yorkshire Ripper was also on the loose around this time and I used to watch the news in a state of absolute terror . Thankfully both were caught and both locked up for life in a time when it actually meant life . Ofcom is to investigate Jeremy Clarkson 's comments on the strikers . Oh my God ! Haven 't they got anything better to do with their time ? Seriously what has happened to people 's sense of humour ? Will there be an investigation into the money Ofcom are going to waste doing this pointless investigation ? Yesterday I did a stupid thing and braved Tesco 's . I knew I shouldn 't have but we 'd run out of some essentials so really had no choice . It was mega packed . We were lucky enough to find a parking space , the joys of having a disabled badge , but once inside the shop we all but turned around and walked out again . Not only was the place so full I had difficulty getting near the shelves but the staff had chosen to park great big wire cages everywhere making getting around even more frustrating . I even witnessed two women having a heated discussion over a frozen turkey . Why do people go so silly over Christmas , especially this early ? It is not like it was when I was young and the shops sometimes shut for up to a week , or had very limited opening times . Most shops are still open late on Christmas eve and then open as normal on Boxing day so why the panic ? The trolleys were stacked so high they could hardly be moved and things were still being added and I have no doubt these same people will be back in next Saturday doing the same thing again . I felt quite under done coming out with just my usual weekly shop with a few nuts added . Don 't get me wrong , I have done the ' must buy every treat going ' shop in my time but soon came to realise that we either ended up throwing things away or were still eating them at Easter . What is the point ? We will have a good Christmas meal and be able to slump in front of the TV and nibble on chocolates , cheese , nuts , fruit and biscuits to our hearts content but by the second of January everything will be gone and we will return to normal . And we will all breath a sigh of relief . So Harry won Strictly , I 'm not surprised as he 's been the favourite since day one . I can 't help feeling a little disappointed that Jason didn 't at least make it into the final two though . I was less than inspired by ' pocket rocket ' Chelsee 's show dance and although her jive was good it wasn 't a patch on Jason 's Tango . Even so it was a very good series this year and you were kept guessing right to the last gasp which is how it should be . All to often in these things a clear winner emerges half way through and it loses it 's sparkle . My only gripe is what to do with my Saturday evenings now that it is all over . Luckily for me Dancing On Ice starts in the new year , problem solved . Another Christmas and another natural disaster hits somewhere in the world . This time it is flash flooding in the Philippines . Why do these things always seem to happen at this time of year , or is it just that for some reason you notice them more ? I clearly remember watching the news on Boxing day 2004 the day a Tsunami hit Indonesia . It was the first time I can remember a big natural disaster during the festive season , I 'm sure there were many before , I just didn 't notice them . Since then there seems to have been one every year , how strange . Laurence is doing a bungee jump off the O2 building this morning , for fun . I can think of other ways of having fun on a cold snowy morning in December , most involve snuggling up with a good DVD and a hot chocolate but each to their own . Will he actually go through with it ? Probably as he won 't want to lose face in front of his mates but I bet he never does it again . This afternoon he is coming to have tea with us . No doubt we 'll get the whole tale then . Having been woken up at six thirty this morning by Andrew going out to do his paper round I 've managed to change all the beds , get the laundry done and have a long soak in the bath , all by eleven . I 'm now at a loose end . I have presents to wrap for Peter but as it is snowing and he 's got my cold he is reluctant to go out into his man shed or fiddle with his car so getting a quiet moment is going to be tricky . I might just have to resort to telling him what I 'm doing and lock myself away for half an hour . After that it 's a little bit of baking and then a sit down to watch the re - run of the Strictly final . I always record the final so I can watch the show dances again , beside what else am I going to do with myself on a snowy Sunday ? Had a check up at the Brompton today during which I had an ECHO and an ECG and some blood tests . I 've been feeling rough this last week with a cold and a chest infection so was not expecting great results . If anything I was expecting things to come back rather worse than usual . After having the tests I sat waiting to see my consultant and bracing myself for the results . My consultant was all grins when I entered the room and announced that he had some really good news for me . First he showed my some of the film from my ECHO and explained that there had been a significant change in my heart , for the better ! The right side of my heart has been huge but today 's ECHO shows that the right ventricle has actually shrunk in size and is now almost the same size as my left ventricle ( the right is smaller than the left in healthy people ) . Worryingly he has no idea how this has happened but is cock - a - hoop that it has . He also helpfully pointed out a small wriggly thing flapping away in a corner , " that 's your catheter " , eww I 'd rather have not known . The second bit of good news was that my BNP reading is right down and is now a comfortable 5 . The BNP is a chemical produced by the heart when under stress . Healthy people have readings between 1 and 4 so a 5 for me is brilliant especially as most PH patients have readings around the 50 mark . For me this is an amazing result given that before I went on the Flolan treatment my readings were off the scale at 215 . And finally I got my SAT 's results ( the amount of oxygen in the blood ) and that was an amazing 91 % . I 'm usually around 84 % , healthy people are between 100 % and 97 % . To say I came out reeling in shock would be an understatement . A couple of months ago things were looking quite bleak , there had been improvement but not as much as hoped . Now it all seems to have happened at once . Might just stop moaning about having to carry the damned pump around with me , it is obviously working . There was a little bit of bad news though and that is that I 'm still losing weight but not so faWoke up to a white world this morning and it was still snowing heavily when we left for the drive into London . I dug out my thermals for the first time since last year and layered myself up as I really feel the cold . The drive in was horrible until we hit the M25 turn off and then the snow just magically disappeared . By the time we reached the Brompton it was dry and the sun was trying to come out . Had a bit of excitement on the way . We usually drive through the embassy area of London to get to the hospital as it is quicker but today the approach road was blocked and there were police cars everywhere and more piling into the area with lights and sirens going . No idea what was going on but it meant a long detour but we still arrived on time . Driving back we had bright sunshine and by the time we arrived home the snow had all but gone , just a few patches in the fields . The forecast says we are going to get a further four inches over the weekend . Now I 'm safely at home it can do what it wants . I love the snow as long as I don 't have to travel in it . My cold has improved and I 'm feeling more human again . I 've got rid of the headache though my eyes are still sore and my sinuses ache . My throat has calmed down and of course my chest has stopped aching and my breathing has improved . with a bit of luck I 'll be completely clear by Christmas itself . Andrew broke up from school for Christmas today . He can 't relax though as the first part of his A level exams are at the end of January . He has had a bit of a moan about all the revision he has to do over the holidays . I am amazed at how short sighted teenagers are these days . He wants to go to UNI and has just sent off his UCAS forms . He knows that to get a place he has to get his predicted grades or better and to get better he has to work for it and yet it is all such an inconvenience . Don 't get me wrong , Andrew will knuckle down and do the work , he has a goal and once he 's got a goal he is very focused . However he 'll make sure I know he 's doing it by moaning about it , a lot . Part of the problem is the amount of distraction there is these days . When I was studying for my A levels we didn 't have things such as facebook , gaming or instant messaging so it was easier to shut off for a couple of hours . I will put up with the moaning and offer gentle encouragement and hope for the best . Laurence will be calling around briefly tomorrow he is spending the night with friends in London so will be leaving his car at ours . He has promised to come to tea on Sunday so I will be baking again . I 'm going to stick to the tried and true though and will be making my chocolate fudge cake , the one confection that I always manage to get right . Tomorrow is the great wrap . I 'm commandeering the dining room , putting an old film on the TV and with the aid of some mince pies and a couple of Baileys will create the perfect parcels . Well that 's the plan and we all know what tends to happen to them . Wouldn 't you know it , I 've caught the bug that 's been doing the rounds at work . Most of my colleagues have managed to work through it and report symptoms such as sore throats , headache , blocked nose and a cough . I of course have to go one better and also have a burning , sore chest . So it is off to the doctors again . I can 't tell you how pissed of I am with it all . I seem to have had one infection after another this year with only a week or two of respite in between . I tell you this transplant cannot come soon enough , though I will still be at risk of infection , maybe even more so . You 're dammed if you do and dammed if you don 't really but at least with a transplant if you are well you are really well and that will count for a lot . My GP confirmed that I had yet another infection and prescribed antibiotic , steroids and plenty of rest . I must admit I felt pretty rough this afternoon so I think I made the right call in going . I finally managed to order Peter 's Christmas presents today . They are guaranteed delivery in five days so plenty of time thank goodness . I 've ordered three smaller things rather than one big thing this year . They are all things he 's asked for so he should be happy . Put up the Christmas tree and decorations today . Peter thought it was time we got into the Christmas spirit . I must say it is nice to see the hall and living room festooned in tinsel and lights . Maybe it will do the trick and I 'll get in the mood soon , one can hope . The weather is looking pretty grim at the moment , it was so cold this afternoon that I turned the heating on early . It could have been due to my cold but Peter also felt chilly . That is the first time we 've had to do that and it looks like we 'll be doing it a lot more over the next few days . There is a storm pushing in from the west and due to arrive in my area late on Thursday . At the moment they are not sure exactly which path it is likely to take . It will either pass to the south of us meaning we get less wind but will have snow instead , or it will pass over us giving seventy mile per hour winds . Some choice . Personally I 'd prefer the wind to the snow as I 've got to go to the Brompton on Friday and don 't want to have to dig my way out . In the news some of the details for the celebrations of the Queen 's Diamond Jubilee have been released , no disrespect intended but how are we affording these celebrations ? We are already paying through the nose for the Olympics and now we 've got all this too . I like having a Royal family and do not mind part of my tax paying for the day to day mundane upkeep , after all they only cost each one of us pennies , but two big events in one year is going some . Of course it is not the Queen 's fault that her Jubilee falls in the same year we get the Olympics . If I had a choice and had to pick one event to attend I would always pick the Jubilee as I feel the Queen has done more for the country than the Olympics ever will . And the Queen 's celebrations hasn 't interfered with my summer holiday the was the Olympics have . Also in the news and all over You Tube is the foul mouthed student getting thrown off a train . It seems he now wants the bloke that stepped in to throw him off charged with assault . Poor little muffin it must have been so traumatic for him . What this pea brain fails to realise is that if he had the correct ticket , wasn 't steaming drunk , didn 't have a potty mouth and hadn 't held hundreds of commuters up he wouldn 't have been thrown off . Indeed if he 'd just admitted his mistake and been polite he 'd probably ended up with a small fine and made it to his destination unscathed . That 's the trouble with most kids these days , the world owes them a living and nothing is ever their fault . Personally I hope the little git gets prosecuted by the rail company for not having a ticket , holding up the train , verbal assault and wasting everyone 's time . Unfortunately it is more likely the man who stepped in will end up in court ensuring he and others like him will never step in to help again and putting another nail in the coffin of the fight against the yob culture . It makes you want to weep . The fight for the Christmas number one is on and in the blue corner we have the choir made up of soldiers wives and in the red corner the X Factor winners . Now it has been a very long time since we had a decent Christmas number one , mostly because of the X Factor , so wouldn 't it be nice if a choir singing Christmas songs triumphed over four floozies who can barely hold a tune . This year I think it might well be possible , at least I hope so . Rang my supplier this morning and found to my horror that the gloves were not sent out on Friday as had been promised . They were still sitting in the warehouse and they would get them to me ' in a day or two ' . After a brief discussion where the words ' if I get an infection because I 've had to prepared and administer my drug with bare hands guess who I 'll be suing ' were used , I 've been told to expect deliver sometime after three this afternoon . Whether they turn up is anyone 's guess but they really won 't want me to phone them again tomorrow . Witnessed the chav across the street reverse into a wheelie bin this morning , knocking it over and spreading it 's contents along the street . Did he stop to clear up the mess ? Well at first I thought he was as he turned around and drove back to the spot , however he just looked at his handy work before speeding off mobile firmly clamped to his ear . Little git ! Had my eyes tested today at Costco and nearly fainted when the assistant told me the cost would be £ 299 . 99 . For a pair of glasses ! You have got to be joking ! As they were advertising glasses from £ 99 I was at a loss as to why mine would cost so much . I was told that it was a very good price and they would cost me £ 600 anywhere else , yes but why ? Apparently my prescription with the type of glass they use pushes the price up . So give me a different type of glass was my response . They only do one type was their reply while emphasising what a good deal it was . So I 've come away without my glasses but with my prescription which I 'm going to take to Specsavers to see what price they come up with . If Costco is the cheapest , which I very much doubt , then I will have to swallow the cost but it will have to wait until after Christmas , way after . So the Strictly final will be between Jason , Harry and Chelsee , just as I 'd hoped . I really want Jason to win as I think it would mean more to him than the other two and he seems to have worked harder for it . I suspect though that the winner will be Harry as he has been the favourite all along despite not yet scoring a perfect forty . The X Factor has finally limped to close and was won by the girl group , the first time a group has won since the show started . Despite all the hype the show still came in second in the ratings to Strictly and I suspect all involved have breathed a huge sigh of relief that it is all over . Will the X Factor run again next year ? They say it will but they are going to have to do something pretty drastic to stop it sinking even further in the ratings . Even if Simon Cowell does return as a judge , as is rumoured , he is going to have his work cut out and then some . Another of my favourite show ends tonight , The Young Apprentice on BBC1 . Although I haven 't warmed to any of the candidates , and my most disliked are in the final two , the series has been hugely entertaining . I don 't care who actually wins but will be watching as the last episode is when they bring back all the sacked candidates to help . Well I say help , what I really mean is hinder and the bitching that goes on tends to make it very watchable . All these reality / talent shows ending means Christmas really is just around the corner now and I 've still got so much to do . I haven 't even sent my Christmas cards out yet . I 'm going to have to get a move on . Very sad to find out yesterday that Dan Male of Joey Pouch fame passed away earlier this week after a long battle with PH . Like me he 'd been waiting on a transplant but sadly for him it never came as he was told earlier this year that he was too poorly for transplant . I cannot imagine how he must have felt being told that . Dan was diagnosed with PH ten years ago at the age of twenty . What an awful thing for a young man to have to deal with when he should have been out clubbing , having girlfriends , starting a career , but Dan took it on the chin and dedicated himself to helping others struggling with diagnoses . He also had to wear a pump and was a God send to those of us finding it a bit difficult to cope with . He answered all questions honestly , there was no sugar coating , if it was going to hurt he 'd tell you it would hurt . I only contacted him once , when starting on the pump , mostly for reassurance . I got it and seeing in his video 's how he got around and about encouraged me that I was doing the right thing . God bless Dan , I hope you are breathing easier now wherever you are . If you want to learn more about Dan and his life with PH click on the Joey Pouch link on the right hand side of this page , you may have to scroll down a bit to find it . Surprise , surprise my sterile gloves did not arrive by post on Saturday as I was promised they would . Luckily I found a few pairs hiding at the back of the cupboard where they must have fallen out of the box . I 've got just enough to last me until Monday otherwise I 'd be trawling the hospitals trying to beg , borrow or buy some . How bad is that ? What if I were house bound , I 'd be forced to risk infection by preparing my drugs and lines with bare hands for two days . These people really need a kick up the backside and by God on Monday , when their phone lines re - open , they are going to get one . They 'll wish they 'd never got out of bed . Don 't they realise that seriously ill people rely on them getting it right ? Disgraceful ! My latest attempt at baking went seriously awry yesterday . I made rock cakes which turned out resembling , well , rocks . I 've had a run of successes so I suppose I was due a disaster but this was quite epic . I really don 't know what I do . Give me something savoury to make and I 'm a wiz , give me something that is suppose to be light and fluffy and sweet and I go to pieces . Never give up , I 've got fairy cakes earmarked for next week . Strictly was a joy this week and it is very hard to chose a winner at the moment . Chelsee and Jason both scored a perfect forty while Harry was a close second with thirty nine . Try as I might I still cannot warm to Chelsee and am rather hoping the impossible that she doesn 't go through to the final . She will of course , along with Harry and , hopefully , Jason . Alex unfortunately does not have a chance and Holly although improved is still far to ' relaxed ' . I hated her Charleston . In X Factor there are howls of horror as the latest ' dead cert ' has been voted out of the competition . As I said before I don 't watch but you can hardly miss the result as it is plastered all over the Internet and in most of the Sunday papers . Apparently after the favourite was booted out last week the pink haired one had been tipped to win and shock waves are reverberating around media land at her departure . The final is tonight and the choice is now between a young Liverpudlian lad and a girl group who changed their name mid competition . Whoever wins really doesn 't matter as they will disappear from sight only to emerge this time next year with an album to plug when everyone has forgotten who they are . If they are really unlucky they will be catapulted into obscurity and stay there . Sometimes it is better not to win and those that have come second or third have a knack of being much more successful than the winner . Sometimes coming first is not all it is cracked up to be . Now I do not tend to discuss politics or religion in this blog but I couldn 't really let the week pass without saying something on the biggest story to come out of the EU in years . So a British Prime Minister finally found a backbone and said no to handing over more control to Brussels . About bloody time ! I do not even pretend to fully understand the ins and outs of what has gone on , my brain tends to switch off the moment the words ' EU ' and ' summit ' are mentioned in the same sentence , so I 'm in no position to comment on the possible consequences . What I will say is that we have given so much to the EU and have , as far as I can see , had very little back . The papers say the French and Germans are stunned by the British stance , I 'm not surprised , they have got used to walking all over us and cannot cope with sudden rebellion . Does this mean the break away of Britian from the EU ? Who knows but would it be a bad things if it did ? One things for sure Britain will not be taken so much for granted in the future and that is a good thing . Off for an eye test tomorrow , unlike my dental appointment I am not expecting to walk away with no change to my prescription . At the very least I 'm going to need reading glasses as I cannot read small print with my contacts in and cannot see well enough to drive with my glasses on . My guess is that my contacts will stay the same and I 'll need new glasses , probably bi focals . I hope they have the smelling salts handy when they present me with the bill . Had a complete shocker this morning . After weeks of eating like a pig I was convinced that I must have put some weight on at last . With great excitement I got the scales out and stepped on , I 've lost another three pounds and now weigh less than seven stone , how is that possible ? I 'm really worried about my weight , none of my clothes fit me properly anymore but I 'm reluctant to go out and buy more in case I do reverse the trend . I 'm off to the hospital for my regular clinic next Friday so I 'll discuss the situation with them , maybe they can come up with some ideas to stop me fading away . On the brighter side , I will be able to completely pig out this Christmas without worrying , for every cloud etc , etc . Yesterday at work was trying . We have the decorators in and they divided the room in two with a plastic sheet so they could paint , lay carpet and do what they had to do . Unfortunately this meant that for fourteen people there were only eight desks . My unfortunate colleagues arriving later in the day found themselves parked in whichever department had room . Those of us left in the room had to battle to hear telephone conversations over the banging and crashing . They are doing the other side of the room today but fortunately I 'm off so by the time I turn up next week everything will be looking fresh and clean and I 'll have missed most of the aggravation . Rumours have been rife for sometime but yesterday I all but had them confirmed . From April we are having new shift changes imposed on us . This has caused a great deal of upset , stress and anger not to mention a total demoralisation of everyone . The rumour that things would not be ready in time for the April changeover started a couple of weeks ago . Now it seems some of my colleagues have been told that there will be a delay and an e mail will be going out soon to explain the delay and post a new time frame . Again I suppose this could just be another rumour , everyone is so jumpy and snippet of information is jumped on , but the people I talked to sound pretty sure . One colleague even went as far as to state that the delay will be as late as November . Only time will tell , and an e mail , if any of this is true . I just wish that everyone was told these things all at the same time instead of things being leaked to the chosen few . Andrew has had another driving lesson and this time he attempted reversing and an emergency stop . He is really enjoying himself and is full of confidence . The instructor seems very impressed too and has predicted that he could be ready for his test in as little as twenty lessons , the average is thirty apparently . I hope the instructor is right as it is costing me a fortune . Of course if when he does pass we then have the expensive of an old banger and insurance . It seem ridiculous to me that his insurance will cost more than his car . Another delivery by my drug supplier and another balls up . This time they have failed to deliver sterilised gloves and the cassettes the drug is held in when attached to the pump . I rang them and the girl couldn 't have sounded less interested . apparently they don 't have any in stock at the moment so they will be sent out at a later date . Fine except I only have three packets of gloves left for the weekend , I use three a day . She is rushing out a box by registered mail to arrive tomorrow . Needless to say i 'm not entirely happy abput this as we all know what the post is like especially around Christmas . I can see me touring the local hospitals tomorrow afternoon begging . Thankfully I still have enough cassettes to last for another two weeks . I 've e mail my specialist nurse about the situation . I doubt very much he can do anything but as the hospital has give the contract to this useless lot then they ought to know the kind of service I 'm ( not ) getting . Last night I gave in and bought a few bits and pieces for Christmas , I 've already ordered my turkey so set about getting the gravy and cranberry sauce . I will be making my own sage and onion stuffing as I have a huge amount of sage growing in the herb garden . I also bought a tin of Quality Street , well I have my priorities . We are avoiding the shopping centers this weekend , we tend to do all our shopping online anyway , but will brave Milton Keynes on Monday as I have and eye test and want to do some window shopping . All I 've got to do now is decide whether I will be needing the services of a scooter or not . The build up to Christmas has begun even in my house as today I ordered my turkey from the local farmer . There will only be three of us for Christmas lunch as Laurence is working on all three holiday days so we are going to have a lot of meat left over . It 's a good job that I 'm crazy about turkey and Branston sandwiches . Spent the day cleaning up in preparation for Laurence 's visit tomorrow , don 't know why , he knows what the house is usually like . Still it was good to get things looking nice and clean and tidy . I 'm on a bit of a cleaning frenzy at the moment , goodness knows why . Peter 's been looking at me in a worried way and asking if I 'm ' nesting ' . I think it is just that I feel so well and have so much energy at the moment that I 'm making the most of it . I 'm pretty sure it won 't last . The big day arrived and we all had a lovely time . I cooked Cannelloni as I know Laurence loves it and we had a good long chat . The funniest thing was the way Smirnoff reacted . Laurence has always been Smirnoff 's favourite , he is the only person who 's lap he will sit on and he spent all his time in Laurence 's room . Obviously he has not taken the desertion well . He refused to even look at Laurence and in the end had to be bribed with a bowl of milk to even get a purr out of him . Animals are so funny . Goodness knows how he will react when Laurence turns up again in the new year . When Laurence left I felt my first pang of sadness , the house suddenly seemed so empty . I know he is not far away but I miss having him around . Back to work today and by God it was a cold one . It had rained overnight and then froze so my car was embedded in an ice cube . It took ages to scrape it all off . Had a complete disaster in the shower when the film I use to cover my dressing peeled off and my dressing got soaked . I change my dressing twice a week and hadn 't planned to do so this morning so hadn 't allowed extra time . I couldn 't leave it as I risked infection so I had to do the change very quickly and didn 't place the plaster properly so it pulled on my skin all day making me sore . The combination of the dressing disaster and the ice made for one very grumpy Hazel arriving almost late for work . First thing this morning , after my shower , I replaced my dressing and feel much more comfortable . It is Peter 's birthday today so I rushed home to plan a special birthday tea . He got lots of cards and I bought him a gadget that he 's been hinting at for ages so he 's got something to play with . I 've no idea what it does or what it 's for but he absolutely loves it and that is all that matters . I was outraged to hear that the PM is doubling the budget for the opening ceremony of the Olympics . This is the same PM who 's said we must pay more for less because the country is practically bankrupt . I could not believe it when I heard that . Wouldn 't the money be better spent on health , education or even sports facilities to encourage future medal winners . The more I hear about these games the more I 'm beginning to hate them . What a waste of money . I 'm A Celeb is finally over and with a surprise winner . I must admit I was disappointed Fatima didn 't win . I found her far more entertaining than Mark and Dougie who seem a little bit wishy washy . Still I suppose Fatima didn 't have an army of teenage girls as a fan base . And talking of teenage fan bases Dougie 's band mate Harry is still the favourite to win Strictly though the others are catching him fast . Chelsee has made a surprising late run and was absolutely brilliant on Saturday with her jive , she still annoys the hell out of me though . My favourite Jason seems to have faded a bit of late although his Gene Kelly number was wonderful . Robbie Savage was the big loser of the weekend and most are blaming Ola , who for once was completely covered from the neck down . All joking aside he was the worst dancer and it was his time to go . At the moment it is still anyone 's game though and who goes through now rests on the dance as much as on the ability . Let 's hope Jason gets a couple of show stoppers and doesn 't cock it up this time . Misha B left the X Factor and is blaming rumours of her bullying behaviour for her slip in popularity . Only having seen brief snippets of the X Factor I can only say that what I did see of her did not impress . She had a good voice but was not at all likable . I have no idea if the rumours are true but her leaving proves that singing talent has very little to do with the competition . No doubt there will be people muttering ' fix ' right to the end . Yesterday the whole country was supposed to grind to a halt in an effort to get the government to change its mind about pensions . Instead the whole country appeared to go shopping and as far as I could tell things actually worked better . There were no twelve hour queues at airports , no mass riots in the streets and for me a quieter day at work than normal because instead of being short staffed , as we usually are , they 'd drafted in so much cover we were actually fully staffed for once . I 'm not a striker , I don 't think it achieves anything and in the kind of job I 'm in I don 't feel it is right to abandon my post when someone might need my help . However I do understand why others feel the need to take action but if you are going to take action then make it count . Going shopping instead of manning a picket line only makes those you have inconvenienced less sympathetic to your cause . The last couple of days have been busy in a weird sort of way . I don 't seemed to have done much but am constantly running out of time . Part of the problem is that I keep thinking I 'm one day ahead . I spent yesterday firmly convinced it was Thursday . I have no idea why my brain is doing this but it is very disconcerting . Maybe I 'm subconsciously wishing Sunday would get here quicker as that 's when Laurence is coming around for lunch , well that 's the only reasonable explanation I 've been able to come up with . There was a flurry of excitement in the close today when workmen turned up and hacked down the old concrete lamp post that stands outside my house . We have long thought that a lamp post there , just outside our bedroom window , is a bit of a pain and hoped that we 'd finally got rid of it . I know we 've put up with it for twenty years but there are still times when it bothers me , usually if I wake up in the middle of the night . We have thick curtains and pull them carefully to eliminate any gaps but somehow light still gets through . Unfortunately our delight was short lived when it was replaced by a steel monstrosity that is completely out of character with the surroundings . At the time of writing I 'm waiting to see what it looks like when it is on . Peter went out and chatted to the workmen and found out it was one of those energy saving lamps that can be dimmed when less light is needed . There 's some hope in that then , we now at least have a chance of the lamp being dimmed overnight , but I 'm not holding my breath . In the news Jeremy Clarkson has got himself in a whole heap of trouble by stating that he thought strikers should be shot . Regular watchers of Top Gear and readers of Clarkson 's columns in various newspapers should know exactly what to expect by now and I 'd be amazed if any of them were particularly shocked by what he said . Jeremy Clarkson says things to shock , that 's what he does , that 's partially what he is famous for and his usual audience accept this as part of his ' brand ' . Unfortunately for him he was not performing for his usual audience when he appeared on the One Show last night and has offended a large amount of people who are not familiar with his abrasive style . Personally I think the outrage shown by the Unions is misdirected . I watched the One Show last night and found his comments about suicides far more offensive than anything he said about the strikers . However this has been completely overlooked and the whole thing hijacked by union leaders still smarting from their failure to bring the country to it 's knees . I 'm not a fan of Jeremy Clarkson , I find him boorish , rude and far too full of himself but in fairness to him he was asked for his opinion . As a watcher of Top Gear I had a fair idea of what his reaction was likely to be and if I knew then so must the BBC who employ him . And as the BBC must have known what he was like then the only conclusion I can come to is that they were looking for controversy , maybe not as much as they got , but some . I don 't think Jeremy Clarkson should be sacked for his comments about strikers , I think he should be reprimanded and made to apologise about the things he said about suicides certainly and the unions should concentrate on the important things , the things they were striking about in the first plac , than waste their energies on a fifty something man who still thinks he 's at school . I 'm a Celeb is coming to an end and I 'm already feeling bereft . On Sunday it will all be over for another year and the countdown to Christmas TV will begin in earnest . Being the first of December a lot of people I know are already putting up Christmas decorations , how depressing . When I was younger , the decorations went up on the last day of the school term giving us something to look forward too and making the two weeks we had off a truly magical time of year . These days Christmas starts in the shops before the summer holidays finish and by Halloween the shops are selling everything from mince pies to Christmas crackers and as a result the magic is almost non existent . In fact quite often I 'm so fed up of Christmas by Christmas that I really struggle to feel festive . In our house we still refuse to put the decorations up until the end of school term and I 've already been asked by a caller to the door why my tree isn 't up yet , grrrrrr ! The only thing I 've done so far is order our turkey from the local farmer and make a list of what I 've got to get . This blog is essentially so that my widely scattered family and friends can keep up with all that is happening since I was diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension in 2007 . If reading because you also have PH or know someone who does , I hope this blog will show that it is possible to enjoy life with a serious illness . I also hope it will offer some support and information along the way . Since starting this blog I have now been accepted on the list for transplant . Take careHazel I have been married for 28 years and have two strapping sons . I am small but universally described as scary , determined and tenacious . Diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension in 2007 I am generally an optimist and believe everything happens for a reason . |
When I was in middle school , I played the trumpet . I waited for the day I would be able to play for a medal . In middle school , you go to this event , that if you play an instrument and try to play a song of your choice perfectly , with no mistakes , you will get a gold medal . Isn 't that always the goal , no mistakes ? But at this event , you go in a room and are judged by one person . You can get a bronze , silver , or gold depending on how many mistakes you made , hitting the perfect notes , etc . I really wanted a gold , but I was so nervous . At that point in my life , I got anxious very easily and I would crack under pressure ( luckily I eventually overcame that ) . As I walked into the room where I would be judged , I saw a donut on the table . I thought to myself , if I get that gold medal , I get to eat her donut . That donut will be mine . Now , I loved food . I had dreams where I ate an entire box of ice cream cones in my refrigerator , and sure enough , I would wake up in the morning and really had slept walked and ate them while I dreamt it . Strange , I know . I was a fat kid at heart . I once had another experience when I was half awake and half asleep one morning and as I slowly woke up , I saw a candy bar floating next to my bed , just out of reach . I reached out to grab it and I fell out of bed . Literally , fell out of bed reaching for this imaginary candy bar . That woke me up . Luckily , I don 't have those dreams anymore , they 're kind of embarrassing , even if you 're the only one who knows about them . So anyways , this donut . Here it is on the table , and I keep saying to myself you want this donut , you have to earn it ! I was no longer stressed , I was motivated . I played my heart out , hit every note , no mistakes . I got the gold ! But of course , I didn 't get the donut . I wasn 't really going to take this judge 's donut , nor was I going to ask and tell her I deserved her donut for getting a gold medal that many other kids get . I was lucky enough , however , to have told my parents how I got myself to win the gold - they bought me my very own donut on the way home . And there I had it , the gold medal AND a donut . Perfect . Posted on January 16 , 2014 by Julie Reply I 'm a planner . I have my entire life planned out , always have , always will . Of course , things don 't always go as planned , and I know this . As a matter of fact , they never go as planned , but they always work out perfectly in the end . One of these instances was while in college . I was ill , I had graves disease , and was struggling with eating most foods , though we couldn 't figure out why . I couldn 't eat off of my meal plan because the food would make me sick . I went to the Vice President of my school and told her of my predicament and said I would like to be let off the meal plan . I thought this was a no - brainer , but it wasn 't . She said she couldn 't take me off of the meal plan , I would have to talk to Sudexo who ran the cafeteria . Now let 's get this straight … the VP of can 't get me off of their meal plan ? I call BS . But regardless , she wouldn 't budge , so I talked to Sudexo and they said they would work with me , that they could even get me food from Whole Foods if needed and they would introduce me to people who could order food for me . This sounded too good to be true , and it was . They introduced me to people who were never there . So I finally decided , I live on the beach , I 'll make a deal with Sudexo - buy 40 cases of sodas and water and sell it on the beach in the summer time , and I did just that . I got licensed by the State and then a permit from my town and set up Julie 's Sodas . The permit allowed me to drive around like an ice cream truck . Now just to show you the scope of the issue , I had about $ 1000 left on my meal plan when they were forcing me to put another $ 1000 on for the next semester . This was when I had made my decision to open up shop because I would lose all money in the end whether or not I chose to spend it in the cafeteria . The cafeteria was overpriced and they made me buy each bottle separately instead of discount the cases , so I didn 't expect to make all of my money back from the start . I was selling these sodas out of my car after all and had to have an edge since I probably looked sketchy to start . I sold the sodas for a $ 1 each , which was the cheapest in town , and I did very well , considering I was already losing and figured I could only go up from here . Though I wasn 't expecting to make a true profit because of the circumstances , I gained experience that was priceless . I had already owned my own jewelry business , making jewelry and selling it out of stores in high school , but this was the first business I had to deal with other costs other than the product . I had to get bags of ice everyday , bins , make sure the sodas stayed cold and didn 't change temperature from warm to cold to warm again . I had to show up everyday , be there on time and stay there throughout the day without anyone making me come in ( but this was easy because it was MY business and that motivated me ) . I got to talk to customers and form relationships and learn how to sell to people walking by , which was much different than selling jewelry out of stores , which is easier than you think when you 're younger and everyone wants to support you because they think it 's cute you 're a little entrepreneur . I got many job opportunities because of that soda business . One day , about a year after my summer soda business , my mom said , Julie , you don 't have a job and they have interviews at the new restaurant down the street , you should go . So I did . I got dressed and headed over . The main thing that caught their attention was my soda business , and right away I got the job . When I finally chose the job I wanted ( which wasn 't much of a choice because it was my first choice of all of the interviews I had and I jumped at the offer ) I was so excited because they had told me I 'd be working in the program I wanted . Well , as it turns out , when I arrived my first day I found out I wasn 't working in that program after all , I would be in a completely different program . At first , I was mad . I didn 't want to be in this program and I gave up a lot of great opportunities because they promised I would be able to do what I wanted . I walked up to the person who had originally told me I could work on the program I was interested in and said " do you remember our interview ? " And he said he did . I said … " so then how did I end up on this program ? This wasn 't what was discussed . " He was shocked . Stumbled for an answer , but couldn 't find one . I decided I would work in the program but I would try to get to where I wanted to be and learn as much as I could on my own time . As it turns out , I couldn 't have lucked out more being in the program I was placed in . I had the best manager , I got to work with a bunch of great people , everyone in the program did their best to get you to where you wanted and so helpful , and I realized I wanted to eventually be in business , which this program was perfect for . I ended up getting a couple of great mentors on the business side and have been very fortunate with all of the opportunities given to me . Posted on January 15 , 2014 by Julie Reply It is amazing how much of a difference in mood you can get from waking up early . I used to get depressed in the winter and would not want to get out of bed , not for anything . Eventually , I was tired of feeling so sad and drained and I started making appointments at 7am to get myself to wake up at 6am , exercise early , and have a full day . ( This was when I was in college still so I had a lot more time on my hands ) . The change in mood I felt was astronomical . I felt a huge weight lift off of my shoulders , and eventually , I started waking up at 6am daily without trying to force it . As I 've said prior to this post , I had the flu for a couple of weeks . I still have a cough after 3 weeks + and I hadn 't been able to get out of bed until 8am on any given day even when I 've had to go to work . I started feeling upset and stressed out , sad for no reason . I realized I had to do something . My first thought was eat healthier . I used to eat so healthily and lately all I 've eaten has been crap ! Well , it was hard to get healthy meals together when I was waking up late , going to work , and getting home late . The kitchen has been a mess , which completely kills motivation to even step foot in the kitchen so that was also against me . The best I could do was microwaved veggies . Yikes . Luckily , last night must have been the breaking point for my body , brain , whatever . . because this morning I woke up at 7am , the first day I was able to get up before 8am , and my head screamed out get out of bed and get in the shower NOW ! And I did . And it felt amazing , I feel like me again . My mood has skyrocketed today , I feel great ! And it really does make a difference , getting up early . It makes a difference having time to yourself , to plan , get ready , relax , get something done , just have extra time in general , see more daylight . It makes a BIG difference . I feel ready for the day , like it 's already going to be a success . This morning I had time to get up , go get a coffee at Starbuckos ( that 's what Andrew and I like to call it ) , talk to my neighbor for a bit , take the dog out , make a pomegranate ( or rather take one apart ) , read some recipes , and get to work ( almost ) on time . Luckily , where I work we don 't really have much of an " on time " . We have flexible schedules so we can come in earlier or later , as long as we put in 9 hours a day ( 9 / 80 schedule ) . Of course , we have " mandatory hours " ; however , they aren 't very strict unless you really abuse the privilege . But all that ! All that from waking up an hour earlier ! And imagine if I go back to waking up two hours earlier ! Then I can add in even more . If that 's not enough for motivation , I don 't know what is . Maybe I 'll even be able to start putting up blog posts in the morning again . 😉 … . We 'll see . Is it thought provoking ? Is she pensive , are you pensive ? Why is she out there ? Was there something that drew her outside ? Could she fall off the roof ? Does she do that often ? What does she see ? What does her world look like ? Would you want to be a part of that world ? What is it like inside ? Does she like her family ? Did she want to get away for a bit ? When I lived in the city , I couldn 't write what I saw in real life . The things you see living in a city write themselves , because there is such a variety of people , there are wind tunnels , and so much you don 't see living in the suburbs . I looked out my window during a storm once to see a poor woman holding onto the side of a bush frantically while the wind harshly blew her umbrella , but she wouldn 't let go . Even though the umbrella was inside out and she was getting pulled as she grasped the bush as tight as she could , she would not let go of that umbrella . I kept screaming at the window , " Let go of that umbrella Woman before you blow away ! " . This sounds crazy , but it really happened . I couldn 't write that to sound like reality as hard as I tried . During the same storm I saw two boys walking down the same stairwell and one of the boy 's shirts flew off of his back ! The shirt came up and over his head and just before it came off of his neck , he quickly reached out with both hands , grabbed the edges of the shirt and pulled it back onto his body . Would you believe that would happen in real life if you had read it in a book ? Probably not . Maybe if there was a hurricane or a tornado or something of the sort . But this is what I saw out my window living next to a wind tunnel in the city . It 's amazing the stories you can tell just from looking out your window . The places you can go with your imagination . The people who make you laugh , and the ones that laugh at you . What about the sounds that draw you to your window at night ? There have been times when I wake up to windows smashed or gas tanks open and think did anyone wake up ? What if I had heard that and looked out the window to see who had done it , could we have caught them ? No one heard the drill going through the truck 's gas tank the night before to syphon out the gas ? Not one person looked out their window ? ( You can tell I don 't live in the best area … . but surprisingly it 's not the worst either , we just seem to have terrible luck lately in this development … I 'm going to move soon regardless . ) Look at all of that . All because of a girl in the window , a trigger went off in my head . So many stories , so many memories , laughs , tears , happiness , sadness , fear . All from a piece of glass between me and them . Me and the world . Me and my imagination . I write to feel better . I write to feel worse . I write to find answers to what I feel and from what I might secretly know beneath the surface . I write for pleasure and for purpose . I write to make things known and to get through to people because I don 't really know how to any other way . I write to understand myself better . I write to feel like I belong . I write to know there 's always something I can do . I write as a coping skill . I write to communicate and because these hands are able to so I might as well . I write because it feels right and it makes me feel safer than anything else . I write because it 's a record of what 's passed ; the past . I write because I 'm never going to remember every thought I ever have simply by memory . I write because it makes me feel good . I write because sometimes pieces reach out to people and touch their heart . I write because people enjoy reading . I write because I love to read the pieces I write years later . I write because I know that 's what I felt at the time and that was what was real to me then ; that was what was going on . I write because it makes me sad when people say they can 't or that they won 't simply because they 're bad at it because in reality no one can be bad at writing unless there is a reason they can 't write at all . Well , it turned out to be great ! Or at least I think so . It made me feel like living , like I couldn 't wait to travel again and really experience life . I 've always been interested in experiencing life , or seeing the world , hiking mountains , having great adventures , but this was like an extra boost . Not to mention , great soundtrack and Sean Penn looks perfect in his role . I 'm a dreamer … I 'm a planner too , but I also get impulsive and spontaneous . I have those " zone out " times and I have a bit of a wild imagination , but as Einstein said , " Logic will get you from A to B . Imagination will take you everywhere . " And how very true . Posted on January 1 , 2014 by Julie Reply What makes you feel alive ? What makes you feel like you 've had a productive day ? Like you really did things you wanted to do ? Do you ever feel like you can never do enough to feel satisfied ? I almost always feel like I never did enough . I have so many interests and so much I say I need to do , but I get distraught because I overwhelm myself with all of these things . I have a full time job as an engineer , I own my own startup T - shirt company on the side , I started a blog that I intend to post at least 2 posts per day ; one quote of the day , and one " real " post . I try to fit in fitness and cooking and playing with my dog . I want to fit in reading and playing guitar and writing . And yet even if I do somehow fit all of that in , I still feel incomplete , I still feel like I haven 't learned enough , I didn 't program today or make that app that I 've been telling myself I 'm going to make for years now . When does that yearning to do more come to an end ? Does it ever ? I have a feeling it never will . I could have woken up at 6am today and instead I was up at 9am lollygagging . I could have not been on Facebook for an hour chatting and instead have been learning or writing emails . I could have been superwoman today , but I wasn 't . It 's just not in me today . If I were traveling or going to events I would feel satisfied . Those are planned , and you prepare for that , but this 2 week vacation I 've had from work to just sit home by myself and try to do things I 've been wanting to do has been a nightmare . At the start of my break I gave myself a laundry list of things to do … . I 'm going to learn accounting , operations management , and finance with free online courses I told myself . I 'm going to finish my computer networks course . I 'm going to start my app . Now already , I 've set myself up for failure , because already there aren 't enough hours in two weeks to complete all of those courses . And on top of that I wanted to write , sketch , play guitar , exercise , see the family , go to parties , and so on . So , I guess what I 'm trying to say is , I 've hit the first step to recovery . I still am going to be me and try to do a thousand things a day , but I realize I need not be so hard on myself . And if I want to relax , then I should relax . And if I didn 't finish something , I didn 't finish it , because these are all things I WANT to do , not NEED to do . I shouldn 't be worrying over the things I WANT to do that are supposed to be enjoyable ! So my New Years Resolution , take it easy . I always say that to my dog when he tries to run off even though he 's still on the leash , Take It Easy . I still plan on doing all of the things I love and want to do , but I 'm going to stop beating myself up for not getting to something insignificant . I 'm going to be good to myself . |
I 've been doing a little research lately on heritage breed chickens because of a hen of mine going broody . Broody means that she has gone into the state when she is bound and determined to raise her own brood of chicks . It has been really quite interesting to watch , and although I was not going to raise chicks , I have decided to do so because of the health of this chicken . Broody chickens go into a zen , almost comatose state and will not leave their nest , and with my chicken it has meant even to the detriment of herself . When I would try to put her back in with the other hens , they would pick on her terribly , so I just decided to let her stay in her nest . The point that I am trying to make is that these chickens have a strong instinct that is almost impossible to override , and I got to thinking , why would I want to ? I have a huge demand for my organic eggs , absolutely adore having my chickens , and have the facilities to raise the chicks safely until they can live in with the rest of my chickens . So , with a little research , and a couple of days of collecting just the right eggs , we have placed the eggs under our wonderful broody hen . But with that research , I have learned some very interesting things about heritage breeds . First and foremost , heritage breeds are very hearty and intelligent breeds , just like my broody girl . One of my new favorite sites is the American Livestock Breeds Conservancy , and according to them : " The American Livestock Breeds Conservancy protects genetic diversity in livestock and poultry species through the conservation and promotion of endangered breeds . These rare breeds are part of our national heritage and represent a unique piece of the earth 's bio - diversity . The loss of these breeds would impoverish agriculture and diminish the human spirit . We have inherited a rich variety of livestock breeds . For the sake of future generations we must work together to safeguard these treasures . " The site also has a great list of all heritage breeds , whether it be poultry , goats , sheep ( which I have ) , cows or horses . So if you are at all interested in raising livestock , look into heritage varieties , you won 't be sorry . It takes much less work as they tend to do part of the work for you . And not only that , you will be keeping a part of our history alive ! Photo taken in June 2006 by Judy Man , am I really disappointed ! I hate it when I find out something I was really looking forward to was a big old hoax ! Our neighbor had told us that there was going to be two moons tonight ( on his birthday , Happy Birthday Old Man ! ) , and I should have known better . Two moons ? It actually has nothing to do with two moons , people somehow got a moon mixed up with Mars . Actually , according to NASA : " The origins of the Hoax can be traced back to 2003 when Mars really did swell to unusual proportions . On August 27th of that year , Mars came within 56 million km of Earth - the nearest it has been in 60 , 000 years . People marveled at the orange brilliance of Mars in the night sky and crowded around telescopes for clear views of the planet 's towering volcanoes , ruddy plains and glistening polar ice caps . At the height of the display , Mars was about 75 times smaller than the full Moon . " And the old fashioned " telephone " game started from there . One science guy said to the next not so sciencey guy , use a 75x magnifier and take a look , and then he forgot to tell the next guy that important piece of information , and so on . And here I sit on the 27th of August , seven ( my god , I first typed in four ! ) years later , all excited thinking I 'm going to see two moons , when I darn well know better . . . Thank goodness I have this blog to keep me researching and on the straight and narrow ! You see , I am in a very interesting position when it comes to the schools and this town . I am quite active in politics as a Registered Republican , and in Park County , that means that you are involved in all of the action because it ( the county ) is entirely Republican , sorry Democrats , but it is how I keep tabs on the pulse , if you know what I mean . Now , in general , and I do say , in general , the school system is run by Democrats . As we all know , education and politics go hand in hand . Especially when it comes to the Sheriffs race . What ? At least in Park County . Okay , it doesn 't all boil down to the Sheriffs race , but it came darn close at the last Board meeting , sounds like . Which is a shame , because it was the last meeting of our very distinguished President who has to leave our area . Anyway , it turned into a circus , the day before election , ironically , or not , with allegations against the Sheriffs Dept that turned into screaming at our Superintendent to step down . ( The reason the two are connected is because we have a Sheriff Resource Officer ( SRO ) at our school , please follow the links if you 'd like to catch up on the whole sordid story . ) Well , I wasn 't at that meeting , and hadn 't heard anything about it until the HS SAC meeting on Monday , been under a rock you know . But , I went home and did some reading and found some very interesting information . Well , as I said , I know some things that the people at the school don 't know because I knew the names of the folks that had raised a stink at the board meeting . . . they were a lot of the same people that I had recently spent the day with up at the Republican Assembly where I was a delegate . My feelings on the matter were . . . uneasy . I knew that it had been politically motivated , but was concerned about the schools as a whole . Well , I was walking into a trap . By the end of my last middle school SAC meeting I had somehow been voted Chairperson for this coming school year , as a community member , since I no longer have a student at FMS . This will involve another year of meetings ( me running them - yikes ! ) , all of the District meetings and who knows what other duties they did not inform me of - ha ! But , I may be a great person for the job . Although there was a little chuckle when I said that I recognized the names of the trouble makers ( they must think it 's the tattooed , hillbilly in me ) , I think the real surprise to these ladies might be that these are the same folks who are running this county . Or at least representing them when it comes to voting at the assembly , again sorry Dems , but numbers don 't lie . So I can see both sides of the coin so to speak . But , the very good news , is that in all of this brew - ha - ha , I have answered one of my own questions ! So , our Sheriff beat the first guy in the Primary . My question was , does this declare him the final victor or can people change parties ? Well , I don 't know about changing parties , but I do know that you can still become a write in candidate after the primary , and I 'm adding my name . . . Just Kidding ! ! ! ! No , but another fella did just that , and lo and behold if he isn 't one of the fellas causing trouble for the school district / SRO relationship . My friend Tiffany wrote a great post on acceptance yesterday , check it out . It led me to a great new blog , that led me to this poem . Thank you , Pilgrimsteps , for the inspiration ! Happy Sunday to all of you ! I hope you are having a great weekend . I know I have been a bit sporadic about my posting this week , and that has been for a number of reasons . First and foremost , I have been letting my brain recover , secondly I have had a lot going on with getting the kids back into a school routine , etc . But , you all have been on my mind a lot . So much so that I have decided that I am going to make YOU , yes , YOU , my Royal Rebels , today 's Royal Ranch Royalty . So here goes ( in no particular order , of course ) : To ifhpueblo : You are Royalty for being such a great commenter and being so strong in everything you do . I can tell you are a backbone to your family and friends , and I am so sorry that our country does not take better care of its service men and women . Because you deserve the Royal Treatment ! To Tina D : I have heard through the kids that you read everyday and really enjoy my blog , thank you , and I know you are out there . Thank you for all of your compliments on Metaphysical Monday , it really means a lot , and you too are clearly a Royal Rebel ! To My Parents : Thanks for being such great supporters of the blog , I know you look forward to it everyday . I think you have finally gotten used to my rebellion , and maybe even embraced it , and for dealing with it when I was growing up , the biggest thank you of all ! ! ! To Daisy : I know that you just dropped off Amigo at College , and I think this might mean you are an empty nester now ; clearly a weird time in life , I think of you often . You have been one of my best blogging mentors , and a great " green : " wealth of knowledge , thank you ! To Tiffany : You are my friend and teacher , and you even give me wonderful products to review for this blog ! You too , are a partner in green living , and understand how challenging that can be at times . You 've even asked me to come help you teach , WOW ! ! ! Thanks , rebel sister . To Mishaun : Who is so dedicated to homesteading in this technology filled world . I am very impressed with all of the work you have done over the past year or so , thanks for sharing all of your knowledge . You my dear , are definitely a Royal Rebel . To Irina and Matthias : Reading all the way from Germany . I really love that . My heart is with you during this adoption journey , but you are two very strong , rebellious people that can handle just about anything this old world tosses at you , I know things are going to work out just the way they are meant to . Until then , know that I am sending positive vibes your way . To Amy : You are such a great neighbor , and supporter of all of my writing ! I love to hear your kids playing outside , and can 't wait to hear news of the new arrival - Good Luck ! And to those of you that I didn 't name , know that I appreciate you as well . I know that you are out there , because the numbers show it . I 'd love to get to know you better . So , nobody freaked out and jumped ship over the ads , so it will soon be time to start Royal Rebels officially . Have you , my dedicated readers , been thinking of a daily and long term goal you would like to work on as a group with us ? Come on , get ready to get your Rebel on ! My husband let you stay for free because you said you were Veterans , that alone could get us fired . You left your campsite dirtier than any site I have ever seen in the five years I have been cleaning sites , I have my doubts you are truly a Veteran . After you filled the legal fire ring with trash , you built a half assed , illegal fire ring , and almost caught my forest on fire ! Although you stayed at the only campground with a dumpster , you could not get your trash bag over to it , along with the rug that your mutt crapped on . Thank you for that nice surprise . I hardly remembered referring the folks from The Royal Roost to you when they told me they were looking to buy real estate in the Jefferson area . So it was such a wonderful surprise to receive a $ 100 gift card right when I was back to school shopping for the kids ! ! ! You helped us buy The Royal Roost , oh so many years ago , you are a wonderful Real Estate Agent and friend , you go girl ! Thank you and you know that only good things are coming your way . The kids are headed off to school tomorrow ; one of my saddest days of the year . I get so used to having the little pains in the rumpy around that I really miss them when they are gone for the day . But , as they remind me , I will have some time to work on my next book , so I guess it is a trade off . . . Since today was our last day of summer , we had to make every minute count . My daughter saved up her money this summer from taking care of the neighbors house while they were on vacation and decided to repaint her room ; a girl after her own mother 's redesigning heart . Of course the process took a lot of prep work which entailed cleaning out the " little girl " toys . My middle boy starts high school this year , and my eldest made the mistake of telling him that all the high schoolers wear hats to school since it is allowed now . The sucker in me gave in , wanting him to feel at his best on the first day as a freshman and headed down the mountain to find him a hat . It all worked out just fine because I could donate the " little girl " toys that my daughter had gathered to a local charity ( making the trip down the mountain more worthwhile in my mind ) , take my youngest two to an inexpensive lunch at our new local diner ( supporting a great new business ) , and I got the " lid " covered ! And speaking of back to school fashions , they are fantastic ! The colors this year are so vibrant and beautiful ( yes , even for the boys ) , that I didn 't mind doing the laundry , and that is saying quite a bit ! The best part about it , was that I got home in time to catch my oldest son cleaning out his car . So I pulled my truck up next to his and started cleaning it . I have asserted for a long time , the best way to talk with a teenager is to do while you both are working . The words seem to flow easier , the teen seems less defensive , and you 're accomplishing a task on your to do list on top of it ! I should have known I was getting into trouble . Stress and interrupted sleep are my triggers and I am dealing with both , so you 'd think I 'd be smart enough to prepare for this sort of thing ; it 's not new to me . It makes me mad that I let it sneak up on me every time , and then it makes me mad that I 'm feeling that way in the first place . Doesn 't make for very good company . It took the smell of my bedding to make me realize what was going on . I crawled in the other night , miserable as hell , confused , disoriented , sad and pissed off at everything and realized that it smelled funny , not at all like me . That 's when it dawned on me , strong sense of smell , metallic taste and scent , uh huh , I was having brain issues . But , see that 's the irritating part , I 'm so busy struggling to keep up with the daily things , covering up the fact that I don 't feel quite right , that I forget to keep an eye on myself . And it just gets worse and worse ; I forget to eat , drink water , etc . So pretty soon , even my body is not functioning well . So , yesterday I spent the day washing away the smell of seizures . I washed my bedding and every other blanket in the house I think . I also scrubbed a bathroom , swept and mopped the floors , vacuumed the rugs and stairs . . . and that is when it hit me . I was not going to be able to clean my epilepsy away . I do this every time . I start coming out of one of my fogs and clean like a mad woman . Partially because the housework had fallen so far behind ( but that doesn 't usually bother this rancher too much ) , and partially because physical labor is so good for my tired brain , but it was when I was scrubbing to the detriment of my back , that I realized I was trying to wash away my epilepsy . And it also dawned on me that it wasn 't going to work . I had a good cry , I 'm a little ashamed to say . But you know , I haven 't cried much over being diagnosed with this damn disease or whatever it is , so I probably deserved it . I think that is one of my problems , I just take my lumps in life and deal with them , knowing that it will make me a stronger person in the long run , blah , blah . But everybody has to process things . I think part of my problem has been not being able to talk about my brain issues . I don 't think that anyone likes to come off sounding like a complainer , I know I sure don 't , but talking about things is a natural part of processing , in my opinion . But my disability is a tricky one to talk about without sounding like I 'm complaining in my mind , because it is so hidden , especially to describe in words . Let me apologize here , but that is one of the most offensive things you could say to someone when they are talking to you about their handicap . I found this out in a rather odd , unexpected way . I knew that it always kind of rubbed me the wrong way , but like I said , I 've never given it much thought . I just shut up and move on . But I know for a fact , that it does not happen to everyone . Not everyone has abnormal activity in their left temporal lobe and has to be on life changing , brain altering medication for the rest of their lives . So I thought it was kind of funny when I found support in the very last place I was looking . I was actually there to learn about autism for when I start working with special needs kids and my book . It was a post about talking about autism , and how people perceive the conversation differently . I had been following A Life Less Ordinary for a few months , commenting infrequently , because the first time I commented I made a fool of myself , or so I thought , but I made my intentions clear ; I was there to learn more about these wonderful kids whom I really would love to help . So I was quite shocked and pleased when one of her posts said that she was hoping to have heard from me . And obviously when she did hear from me , I didn 't disappoint her too badly , because she then took my comment and used it in her next post about how to talk to people about autism . It wasn 't only the author who affected me , but the comments as well . These folks really got it , they understood how I felt , and that being blown off was just as bad as the people who thought that epilepsy was contagious ! I don 't talk about it with anyone , not even Tom . When I write about it here , that is pretty much the extent of it . Which is pretty funny , don 't talk about it with the ones you love , or put it out there for the world to see , but it seems sort of anonymous , just typing it , you know ? I hadn 't even really mentioned it to the people on A Life Less Ordinary , but their comments and lives are the ones that help me realize what it was that was troubling me so . I often wonder if things would be different if I had been diagnosed as a child . Looking back on things now , I know there were many opportunities . Would it have been better for me to have gotten used to the meds as a child ? Would I not have this adjustment time of learning to remember to take care of my own basic needs and balance life ( family , ranch , business , etc . ) if I had had an advocate ( my mom and dad ) like these commenters ? And then I realize of course things would be different , and maybe not for the better , and it all goes back to my basic belief that everything happens for a reason . But , you know me , I will turn this piece positive , I will not let it be a negative thing . But I wanted this post to sink in , and sometimes to do that , I have to not be all happy all the time , I guess . Life is not happy all the time , but if you deal with your crap and move on , well then more power to you . But my point here , is that I had gone to A Life Less Ordinary to learn , and to get my name out there in the blogging world , and that is exactly what I did . And I found some supportive new friends in the process , so thank you . Although I can 't wash my epilepsy away , I can get rid of that darn smell , if only until next time . Hopefully I will learn from this experience and my new friends . But what I can do for sure , is to remind all of us to be good listeners . When a person is talking about a disability , or even just a hard time in their lives , just let them talk , don 't feel the need to compare it to your own world . I know you are just trying to be empathetic , but many times it just comes off as underestimating the issue . Many times all they need is an open ear and mind . And possibly a strong shoulder to cry on . As you all know by now , I am somewhat of a political junkie . Now , this comes from necessity these days , I believe . A person can 't really go about spreading their opinion if they don 't really know what they are talking about , much less if they don 't walk the walk , so to speak . And when I say that , I don 't mean that I think a person always needs to be the smartest gal in town to be a part of politics , but I do think that if a person is going to sit around bitching about the place that this country is in right now , well he / she darn well be informed ! Case in point ; I have some learning myself I 'd like you all to help me with right now . Yesterday were the primaries here in Colorado . I won 't bore you with all of the results of the bigger elections , because those are all over the news ! What I had a little bit of a hard time finding , until early this morning , was news of our anxiously awaited Sheriff 's race . Incumbent , Fred Wegener claims victory by almost double the votes this morning . So , my questions may be silly , but I believe the only stupid question is an unasked one , so , what if he had lost ? Since it is a primary , would he have been out of office , or would it have waited until the actual election , even if no one is running against him ? And couldn 't his opponent pull a Tom Tancredo and switch parties and still run against him in the main election ? Please , please people , not only do I want to know these answers , but my kids do too , so make me look smart to the kiddos ! ! ! Yes , a recycled roof . I was bragging on my daily ( almost ) blog yesterday about my environmentally , money saving , recycled roof ; but I wanted to wait until today , when I could share it with all of you , even the GSO readers , because this is a pretty good one . Wow , another sentence that would have my English teacher popping migraine ( or worse ) medicine ! I have to give you a little background here . I have mentioned ( groan , many times , over and over , you , my dedicated readers say ? ) that our little piece of heaven , The Royal Ranch , sits at almost 9 , 000 feet in elevation . It also sits at the base of two almost fourteeners , Mt . Logan and Mt . Rosalie . Now , I 'm not just telling you that to brag , okay maybe a little - ha ! , but we get some wicked winds up here , and I do mean wicked . This last winter seemed to be particularly harsh . We had quite a bit of damage , we lost our historical sign , which I posted about here , and we had lots of little pieces of roofing come off the barn . Well , I hadn 't really noticed that those little pieces had all really added up to one big problem until we got all of this rain . And then the other day , I went to step inside the barn and sunk six inches into the mud . Now , I 'm no genius , but when you are inside the barn , I don 't think you 're supposed to be slopping around in mud like that ! So , I get to thinking . We have tried multiple kinds of regular roofing on this barn and it has not worked because of the tree limbs rubbing on it and the wind tears about anything paper like or shingle like , ie : typical roofing . Okay what about a tarp type situation ? Now wait , I know you all are thinking , what , a tarp ? Now that 's pretty hillbilly . But wait , these are the sides and the tops of the old hay barn that the wind took year before last . It was one of those car port type things you buy at Costco , and it would have worked out great if it weren 't for the wind picking up the whole thing , that was concreted three feet into the ground , and throwing it around like a ball of play doh ( I told you we got wicked winds ! ) . It bent all of the poles beyond recognition and tore a few of the tarps , but for the most part the tarps were still in tact , and just awaiting a new life . I recycled the poles , why not the tarps ? As a matter of fact the buildings themselves are recycled . My tack shed is a six seater outhouse from a Civilian Conservation Camp from the Depression era that was moved here by Charlie Royal . And the llama / sheep barn is an old chicken coop that old man Royal built himself . When we first got llamas , we had our then renter , remove a wall and reinforce it for the larger animals , and voila , a loafing shed ideal for ruminants ( which is what sheep and llamas are ) . Well , it wasn 't exactly me that did the work on the roof , anyway . I don 't think any of us would want to know the outcome if clumsy old me had gotten up on that roof . But Tom did a heck of a job . He laid the first tarp down and nailed it around the edges , and then a second one over the top , to make sure to cover any of the seams of the first one since these were meant to be walls instead of roofing . He then sort of wrapped the barn roof like a present , and it looks great . He also used some wood to reinforce where the wind will catch it . He just took a long 2x12 and nailed it over the tarps . It will hold down the tarps and to a certain extent guide the runoff away from the front of the barn . The great thing about this is that now it is essentially one piece , so hopefully the wind won 't catch little bits of it . While Tom did the roof , the kids and I worked on the drainage around the barn . I dug a few trenches , not really dug , more like guided the mud , to get as much runoff away from the barn as possible . We all worked on raking up the loose dropped hay to put in the barn to soak up the mud ; so it got recycled too . Normally I would be able to rake this up once a week and feed it , saving myself quite a bit , but it is all too soggy to use ; although I did see the chickens happily scratching their way through it , so that is good . Back to me and my brilliant ideas , thank goodness I have a husband to help implement all these crazy ideas of mine . I 'll let you know how this one holds up , but in theory it 's a good one , and it didn 't cost me a dime . So far we have had some really amazing rain storms and the barn isn 't any wetter , which is of course what we were going for ! Sorry folks , I am experiencing technical difficulties , and have been waiting all day to get my links together and post this , but it isn 't looking like the problem ( within Blogger ) will be fixed anytime soon . So , I shall go ahead and publish without the links , hoping that you will come back and check those out another time ! Thanks for your patience ~ Judy Posted by Poor Tom knows , it 's go back to work day for him . But that does explain why I have been a little messed up on my days . When Tom is off work , plus the kids being out of school , there is just no way I can keep track of what day of the week it is . When I last left you I wished you a good Sunday on Friday , but it worked out just as well , because I wasn 't able to get back on until just now , so anyway , I hope you had a good Sunday . Finally , food ! ! ! A quick side note here , although I take paper napkins , we use cloth to wrap the silverware in . Then I can use the dirty ones to put in between the dirty plates on the way down . I came home with four paper napkins in my trash bag and only recyclable water bottles and soda cans , that 's it , no other trash was created from this picnic . I was worried that I needed to get right to work this morning and not post , but I realized that I could kill two birds with one stone , so to speak . I of course would never even kill one bird , but you probably have already gathered that by now - ha ! We have a family coming for a llama adventure tomorrow and so today is the day that I will prepare for said adventure . Instead of making my lists on paper , I will share my prep work here with you , my dedicated readers , which gives you an insight into our adventures and will help me prepare for our big day . Our guests are a family of four . Two adults and two teen boys , the teen boys have me a tiny perplexed as I hope that our hike in interesting enough for them . I am hoping that like most teens they will bring their ipods or whatever to tune out Tom and I droning on and on about the cool history of the area , and the B52 plane crash that ended with one of the flight crew hiking out to The Royal Ranch . See , I have been telling you we are steeped in history , but is it enough for teens ? So , back to me preparations . I need to go over all of the food . Lunch will consist of Royal Chicken Salad , homemade potato salad , cut up fruit , chocolate covered strawberries ( always a huge hit on the trail ) and chocolate chip cookies Royale ( notice a theme here ? ) . We will also provide multiple snacks throughout the hike , like fresh watermelon , pineapple and nuts . And oh lord , don 't forget the water , I even bought bottled water , which I hate to do , but guests don 't like to use our old yucky reusable water bottles ! So , the day has passed by , before I was able to get this post published , but once my family and critters start rising , the day gets busy , but I still wanted to share the work of the day . I started with the potato salad . While the potatoes boiled I pulled anything I might need out of the freezer , including the banana bread I will serve at one of the snack stops . I then moved on to my cookies and discovered that I was out of brown sugar , which led me to our new favorite cookie , Chocolate Chip Royale . It is really quite simple , just follow the directions for chocolate chip cookies on the Nestle Toll House package , except use all white sugar , add 2 Tablespoons cocoa and 1 teaspoon dried orange zest . Chocolate covered strawberries are a breeze , look fancy and make a big impression on guests . I made those with leftover chocolate chips and just a touch of vegetable oil . One of the fantastic things about hiking with llamas is being able to take this type of thing . I will even pack real plates and silverware for our guests . It makes for a fun picnic , we have plenty of room , and it is very green and environmentally friendly ; and with the gentle gait of the llamas , you could take the fine china ! I used the BBQ for the chicken for the Royal chicken salad . Keeps the kitchen a little cleaner , and I threw on a few extra and called it dinner as well . My momma didn 't raise a dummy , if I 'm going to be in the kitchen all day , I ; m going to have a meal for my family , and a container of each item for the kids for tomorrow while we are gone . Tom worked on getting the packs and various bins that I will use to pack the food in together , and the llamas , well , they just ate and enjoyed a little bit of dryer weather . They will do their part tomorrow , as for me , I will get to enjoy the feast I made along with my guests while sharing the wonder of this spectacular area . I will try to take lots of pics and post them when we get back . Have a great Sunday . You know it really doesn 't matter which way you say it , I was destined to be a double Judy . In the past few days I have had the most unreal experiences that a person can have , and it feels like it has been an ongoing test of my strength and courage . I must tell you , I am quite proud of myself , I have passed this battery of tests with flying colors . Last I left you , " Change " was in the air , if I only knew how true that statement was going to be ! Saturday was Bailey Day , and oh what a glorious day it turned out to be . As a matter of fact , I reserve the right to come back and write about it again . But , suffice it to say , that once again , we blended our biker , mountain hillbilly friends with the historical ( literally - ha ! ) park crowd beautifully ! My book signing was a huge success , twenty books sold along with small town folk coming out of the wood work to congratulate me . Although that should be the highlight of this post it gets crazier from there . I mentioned that I would be offline for a few days , but I didn 't say why . Well , I read somewhere your not supposed to advertise when your leaving , if only for a short time , so I didn 't . We had a quick family trip planned in Fort Collins , and when I say family , I mean my entire family . So we were really looking forward to this one . As usual , I was as unorganized as can be , but I felt like it was really important to get these two blankets into the camper ; a piece of our family , so to speak . Nathan was already up there with my parents so the four of us headed up the road , and all was going well until we got onto the scariest part of I25 , just full of construction , and the motorhome starts to overheat . We chug , chug along until she just dies , and luckily we coast to just inches off of the busiest Interstate in all of Colorado . We look up and the reason we had been stuck in traffic in the first place is because of an accident that had been caused by the construction . A truck had rolled over and caught on fire , terribly ! So , not only are we front row to watch them put out this fire , and turn the truck back over , etc . Tom has to try and work on the RV on the side of the road . I am keeping the kids and the dogs out of the back , as I am just praying that we won 't get hit , because those assholes passing by sure weren 't slowing down any . As many of you probably know , the engine compartment in many RV 's is inside , so Tom got a mug of gas and primed the carburetor and got us on our way . He had done some testing and knew that we had one fuel pump down , and yes this is important , with one working . Now , I have talked about my " trouble bubble " before , but I have never worked so hard on concentrating on getting us safely off of a road in my life ! We made it about a mile off of the exit and she died again , that was it . Tom was getting really frustrated and the kids were dying to get there , so he got that damned mug back out . The one that I had kept trying to take from him the first time ! And that was when it happened . The engine back fired , and there was a fireball two feet wide inside the motorhome with all of us and the dogs ! Tom was on fire , the mug was on fire , the chair , my purse , the engine , My God ! ! ! Tom ran out with the mug , I screamed at the kids and the dogs to " GET OUT ! ! ! " , who immediately froze and sat down because they had never heard that command and didn 't want to go out as Tom had started a huge grass fire outside ! ! ! Yes , a huge grass fire outside with his mug of gas ! ! ! ! I can 't use enough exclamation points here , I 'm sorry . People had immediately stopped and were kicking dirt on the ever growing grass fire while I was inside throwing things out that were on fire , hoping to save the motorhome . Blessedly , one of the things that I threw out the door was one of those blankets I had insisted on packing that morning , and it was what Tom used to put out the grass fire . Thomas , my oldest son , had not wanted to come with us in the first place really . He is seventeen now and getting a little old for family vacations , especially when you add that he missed out on one of the parties of the summer and a day of work ! But , late the night before we left , I had finally given in and told him that he didn 't have to go . He had said that he had gone to bed that night saying he would see how he felt in the morning and then decide , and thank God he felt like coming , because he was the one who had run off with the gas can when the grass fire had started ! The three of us worked together like a well oiled machine to save the motorhome , the dogs and possibly our lives . To be honest , I can 't even really remember how we got the damn motorhome running again , but we made it to the campground where we were to meet up with my family . The funny part is , is after all of that trouble , my husband being on fire , and almost being a demolition derby vehicle on I25 , it was a pulled wire ! And even funnier , I 'm afraid that wire might have been karma from when my red heads were younger . This wire had been pulled when a mysterious little red head came to play on my wonderful day ( sorry T , had to out you here , but better to face the horror now than in a decade , like I 'm afraid happened with me - ha ! ) . So , all is well that ends well , as they say . I 'll go back to an old purse , dang , I really liked that purse , and as for the blanket , well , it 's a total loss . But me , I faced the fire , head on as a matter of fact which is a big accomplishment ; we had a fire in our house when I was a kid . And although the whole way home I didn 't think I could face getting straight to work when I got here , I did it . I had guests to prepare for , who else was going to do it ? As a matter of fact the everyday work of cleaning and cooking ( last breakfast ever - yeah ! ) was quite therapeutic . We are all much stronger than we give ourselves credit for , if we dig deep . I mentioned that change was coming , and I can feel it in the air . I have been quoted on another blog ( more on that later ) , I faced the fire and won , had a wonderful book signing and even got a few hours in with family . Today , I will work on grounding myself , as funny as it sounds , but I need to do it or I will fall apart . Mother Earth and I will be working in the gardens today , reconnecting and revitalizing . I am a wife and mother first and foremost . An Author , Environmental Entrepreneur , Animal Consultant and organic rancher ; but mostly I just love my life and enjoy sharing it with my readers . Although I do deal with some chronic health issues . . . |
We had looked forward to returning to Dubrovnik , one of the most popular tourist destinations in the Adriatic . When we were there the first time , we did the most popular attraction , walking the wall around the city . It was a great experience ; but as we completed the walk , it had started to rain . We hoped that this time we would have a clear day so that we could see more of the city . It appeared that we were in luck , since the forecast looked good . As we cruised toward Dubrovnik , we could see the modern suburbs ; and the best part - - a sunny morning . Since we only planned to see more of old town Dubrovnik , we didn 't need to book a tour for the day . We did however use Celebrity 's shuttle bus service to get to the old town . With it being only $ 12 per person , it was a reasonable price . I also remembered how difficult it was to get a cab when we wanted to return on our last visit , since it had been raining . When we got dropped off this time at the main entrance , the Pile Gate , I found a taxi driver named Dragan to take us up Mount Srd to get the famous view from above the city that we had missed out on last time . We had originally planned on taking the Cabrio Bus tour that would go up the mountain as well as tour through other parts of the area ; but the bus had not yet started running . I can 't imagine why , since there were thousands of tourists in the city . My second idea had been to take the cable car up to the top of Mt . Srd , but I didn 't want Carol to have to walk so far to the cable car station . So the taxi was the last option , but turned out to be the best . Dragan told us that where the cable stops is not the best view of Dubrovnik . He would stop at a couple of places along the winding road up the mountain to let me take photos . At the first stop , he showed me where the cable car would have dropped us off and pointed out that it would be more of a looking straight down shot rather than looking from the side . He took our photo at his favorite spot . He was correct and we had a much better viewing angle ; and just a gorgeous view of the magnificent city of Dubrovnik . For this photo , I didn 't want to be limited by the smaller size that is used throughout the review . It is just too spectacular of a sight to try to squeeze into a smaller photo . We then went up to the top of the mountain , near where the cable car ends . It is located at a fort that was built by Napoleon . Dragan offered to take our photo at the large memorial cross on top of the mountain . We then went to the viewing area that is 1 , 396 feet above sea level to look down on the city . Dragan was right . The view , although beautiful , didn 't compare to the first spot we had gone . I have to say any view from above Dubrovnik is a beautiful sight . We drove back to the Pile Gate and got to see the massive walls surrounding the city from ground level . Dubrovnik is impressive from any view . We thanked Dragan for a great tour and headed to the Pile Gate to enter the city . We weren 't the only visitors . I went into several churches that didn 't allow photos to be taken , which was OK , since I had already taken more than enough church photos . I was enjoying the architecture and statuary of the town more . Since I was inside the walled city , I couldn 't see the water surrounding the outside of the walls . So I walked out a gate to the marina area . It was like a totally different town , but still gorgeous . It was getting close to lunch time and Carol was getting tired , so we set out to find a restaurant as we walked back toward the Pile Gate . We found one , but decided to just get drinks , since Carol was ready to go back to the ship . I walked her to the shuttle bus , but I stayed and took some photos of the outside of the wall . Since Croatia was to begin using Euros in June , I decided to try to use up the Croatian Kuna 's I had left . I remembered reading about a dessert that Dubrovnik is known for called Rozata . It is a crème caramel desert that looks similar to flan . I found it at the restaurant right outside the wall where I was taking photos . A beautiful location for a meal . Since I hadn 't had lunch and I had just enough Croatian Kuna 's for a pizza , I couldn 't resist . The pizza was very good and the Rozata was delicious . It had the consistency of flan , but a different taste . Quite good . I had one other place that I wanted to see in Dubrovnik before I returned to the ship . I had heard of the Buza Bar , which I had seen from the top of the wall when walking it five years earlier . It is in a unique position overlooking the sea on the outside of the wall . I thought it would be a nice place to have my last Croatian beer . I had also heard that it was very hard to find the hole in the wall that one goes through to get to the bar . I tried to figure where the hole would be , based on where I thought the bar was . As would be expected , it wasn 't a straight shot . As I kept climbing steps and making turns to where there were more steps , I started to think that this was a mistake . I really didn 't need a beer that badly . It seemed like I was getting close to the top of the wall and I still hadn 't found the hole . As I walked along the street , I saw that there were more direct routes to get up than I took . It was a long way back down to where I would be going back to the ship . There were very few people walking on the narrow streets I was taking and I was about to just give up and go back . At long last I saw people coming out through the wall . I had arrived at the Buza Bar . It was a pretty crowded place . All the decent seats were taken , so I decided to just take some photos of the bar and the little beach before heading back . After all the climbing I was getting tired and was ready to get on the shuttle bus . As I walked to the bus departure point , I couldn 't believe that there was such a long line to wait in . Surprisingly there were several busses , so as one filled up another was right there for more people . It turned out to only be about a ten minute wait to get on . When I got back to the ship a lot of people were out at the pool as well as sitting around the Sunset Bar enjoying the beautiful weather and view . I stayed at the bar until our sail away and enjoyed the view of the bridge as we headed to Venice , our last port . There was only one day left for the cruise . Since I had missed most of the sail away from Venice , I was looking forward to the sail in , which usually takes about ninety minutes . We were supposed to arrive at the dock at 10 : 00 AM , but we actually entered the Venice area around 8 : 30 AM . The ship travels at a very slow speed to prevent damage to the town from the ship 's wake . But this is also a good thing because you have time to appreciate the view as the buildings slowly pass by . It is such a beautiful old city , that all the views along the canal to the port are a pleasure to look at . It is such a unique city and there is no other like it . It also gave us a chance to see the backside of the Santa Maria dela Salute Church . When we docked , there were several options to get into town . We chose to take the Celebrity shuttle boat service for $ 22 per person . It was about the same price as taking the Alilaguna boats , but the shuttles left more frequently . A lot of people took the people mover , in the below photo ; which was a short walk from the ship , to Piazzale Roma , where they picked up the vaporetto for a ride down the Grand Canal to St . Mark 's Square . It 's a great way to get a ride and a canal tour of Venice at the same time ; but it does take longer . There was a long line waiting to get on a shuttle . Had we bought the tickets for the shuttle the night before , we would have left a lot sooner . When we got into the square , Carol and I walked around a bit mainly to see what the shops had , since we had previously been to the main tourist attractions . We stopped at a restaurant not too far from the square . It was a bad choice . Not only was the food not that good , the prices were high . Oh well , that is to be expected when eating in the Venice tourist areas . After Carol had seen all she wanted , she walked to the shuttle to return to the ship and finish packing , since we were disembarking the next morning . I on the other hand wanted to do some more walking in the beautiful city of Venice . Included with the shuttle boat ticket was a ticket to get entrance into sixteen of the Venice churches . Since I hadn 't planned on doing a lot of touring , I picked out three that were closest to where I was . The walk as always in Venice was most enjoyable . Just too many beautiful sights around the Rialto Bridge and St . Marks Square . The cruise was over , but we still had three more days on this vacation that we both had been looking forward to . One of our roll call friends , Deb , had arranged for transfers to Marco Polo airport through Low Cost Taxi ( www . lowcostaxi . net / fleet - taxi . html ) . We were supposed to meet our van outside the terminal at 7 : 30 AM . On the disembarkation request form that Celebrity had given us , I requested 7 : 00 AM disembarkation . They gave us 6 : 30AM , which worked out fine . We waited in the theater until they called our number and headed down to where the luggage was waiting for us . Everything had gone smoothly until we realized that the luggage number for the group we were in wasn 't where it was supposed to be . We finally found it ; but it didn 't seem logical that number 52 should be between 7 and 8 . We walked out of the terminal about 20 minutes before we were supposed to meet our van . The driver was there shortly after with the sign we were looking for . We waited for the other two couples that were on our van and walked around the corner to load up our luggage . Now this was one first class van . It was very large with lots of luggage storage space ; which it certainly needed . The ride to Marco Polo didn 't take long at all . Deb had done a great job , since the transfer only cost 10 € per person . I will use that company again . We have wanted to visit Lake Como for as long as I can remember . It is supposed to be such a beautiful place and we had never been able to find time to go there . With the timing of the end of the cruise , we would be able to spend three days in Italy 's Lake District . I had booked a rental car for our trip to our hotel in Bellagio . The only time I had previously driven in Europe was for a few hours in Santorini . This time I would have a much longer trip and have to be able to navigate on highways and through small towns . It would be interesting . The rental counter was very close to where we had been dropped off at the airport . Ever since I had reserved the Fiat Panda , I had been concerned if we would be able to fit all of our luggage into it . The Panda is a very small 4 door hatchback . When we got to it , we were even more concerned . This was a really small car . I laid the back seat down and put in the two large suitcases . Then I put the two carryon bags between them . There was plenty of room , but I was glad Carol hadn 't brought another big piece . I was pleasantly surprised . I hadn 't driven a stick shift car in long time ; but it came right back to me . It was kind of fun and the little Panda handled very nicely . Getting out of the airport and finding the right highway was a bit stressful ; but we lucked on to it and were on our way toward Milan . There was no posted speed limit on the Autostada , so I pretty much stayed around 110 km / ph , which is about 66 mph . With the small tires of the Panda I didn 't want to push it . One thing I found out very quickly was that Italian drivers are very courteous , and they move to the right if someone is coming up behind them . I was so surprised how everyone did like they were supposed to . Probably because some of the cars really speed in the inside lane and they don 't want to get rear ended . I tried to drive the same way ; but I did get a few people frustrated , since my Panda couldn 't accelerate quickly enough to pass and get around cars so I could move over . I was very imprI stopped for gas when we were getting closer to our destination , so I wouldn 't have to worry about getting any more gas before we got to Milan . When I started filling up the tank , I thought there was something wrong . The liter and Euro gauge on the gas pump were spinning so fast and it didn 't feel like that much gas was going into the tank . Since it was a small tank it must have filled very quickly . I had bought about $ 40 worth of gas in less than a minute . It was like $ 9 a gallon . Gas in Europe is very expensive . After that experience , I was very glad I had a small fuel efficient car . We took the road that goes directly to Bellagio rather than taking the highway and a ferry . I am so glad we did , since the views from the road were incredible . The water was so clear and the mountains so majestic . The roads were in good shape , but very narrow . I was glad I had the little Panda when we met someone coming from the other way . It would have been much more stressful with a full size car . Plus with all the hairpin turns , it was a leap of faith when going around them that someone else wasn 't driving in the middle of the road . When we finally arrived in Bellagio , the challenge of how to get to the hotel became the top priority . A friend of mine who goes to Bellagio regularly said that the first time he came he had a terrible time finding how to get to his hotel . I guess I was just lucky , because I followed the signs to " hotels " through the pedestrian streets and came right to the Metropole Hotel ( www . albergometropole . it ) . This is a unique hotel , since it is the only one that is directly on the water . All the others are on the other side of the lake road . The public rooms were very comfortable and there was a nice roof top terrace for the guests . When we checked in , the clerk asked if we still wanted the terrace room we requested that was not available when we booked . Since it was only 10 € more per night , I jumped on it , since I had read recommendations that those were the best rooms . It took two trips up in the small elevator to take our four pieces of luggage . European elevators are normally small and this one was no exception . The capacity was three people . The room was actually larger than we expected and quite nice for our two night stay . The hotel had been completely renovated and everything looked quite new . A friend had surprised us with some champagne and strawberries ; which we put to good use in the evening . I took quite a few photos when we first arrived and was glad I did , since most of the time we were in the Lake District , it was hazy . It was almost 2 : 00 PM and we were ready for lunch . We went down to the hotel restaurant and sat out on the patio . Just an awesome place to eat . Plus the food was excellent , not to mention the Bellagio Beer . Most of the hotels in Bellagio don 't have parking facilities , so you have to park in the convenient public parking spots for about $ 30 dollars a day or go find one of the marked free parking spots , which aren 't quite as convenient . I didn 't have any luck finding a free one , so I spent a few Euros for a few hours . The desk clerk had told me that it would be easier to find free parking after the stores closed and the employees went home for the day . We walked around town on the lower level to get a taste of the town . Since Bellagio is on a mountain , most of the stores and restaurants are on the streets that go straight up the hill . This means that there were lots of steps to navigate . The town was just precious with so much natural beauty all around . We were really enjoying it . Carol wanted to go back and unpack what we needed for our stay , while I went exploring . A couple of restaurants had been recommended to me by a friend ; but I didn 't know where they were . I would look for them while sightseeing . I walked all around town , finally getting to the furthest north point on the peninsula at the end of a rock walkway . It was a very nice view , except by then the haze had started to come in . I could see the snow covered Swiss Alps in the distance . Later , when I was walking around near the upper section of the city getting ready to return to the hotel , I saw both of the recommended restaurants right at the top of the street . There would be a lot of steps to get back up there . As I walked back down to our hotel , I counted 100 steps . If we wanted to go to one of those restaurants , I would have to find a way to get Carol up there without her having to climb all the steps . As I continued my exploring , I walked south along the lake to see what was in that part of town . With all the flowers that were planted everywhere , every view was a photo stop . Lake Como was so much more beautiful than I had expected . As I looked back toward town , the pink Metropole Hotel stood out from the rest . When I got back to the room we decided that I would drive the car to the top of the steps , drop off Carol , find a free parking spot and walk back up to the restaurant . Then she could walk back down after dinner . It worked out great , since I found a pretty good parking spot . But I was beat when I got to the back to the restaurant , Trattoria San Giaccomo , where Carol was waiting for me . The meal and service were excellent and the environment just awesome . We were having a great time . After walking back down all the stairs to the hotel , we broke open the champagne that a friend had sent me and we sat out on our terrace taking in the beauty of Lake Como . We stayed outside until the sun started setting . This was the definition of relaxation . The next morning we woke to a lovely sunny day . The haze wasn 't too bad yet and the lake was gorgeous . The hotel had an included breakfast in the room rate and it was quite good . We had a two and a half hour boat tour planned with Bellagio Water Taxis ( www . bellagiowatertaxis . com ) that included an hour and a half tour of the famous Villa Balbianello . This is the villa that was used in the movie Casino Royale ; as well as in the wedding scene of Star Wars Episode 2 . We were on a group tour and we had a full boat with 16 people , but it was still comfortable . The boat is in beautiful shape and the owner / driver Lucca takes immaculate care of it . As we left the dock , which was right next to our hotel , Lucca explained the rules of the boat , many of them designed to keep people from damaging the lovely wood and leather on the boat . We crossed over to the eastern shore of the lake and Lucca told us about the different villas and told us stories about them . It was just fascinating and so much eye candy . I am going to put more photos of this trip than I should , but I have to so I can show the beauty as well as help us to never forget it . On one house , the owner had put up a sign that said " no George " . Apparently his house resembled George Clooney 's house and people were causing him problems . Since George lives over an hour 's ferry ride down the lake , it is surprising that someone would look there for him . Then we approached our destination Villa Balbianello . At the end of a peninsula sticking out into the lake all by itself , was an absolutely lovely villa . As everyone left the boat we met our guide for the tour , Marcella . She was both very pleasant and knowledgeable . After a short orientation , we walked up the steps through the lush gardens till we got to the loggia . This was supposed to have the best view anywhere on the lake . I couldn 't disagree . We then took a tour of the house . There was an extra charge to take photos if we wanted to . Since the lighting wasn 't that good in the house , I decided to pass on it . Interior photos couldn 't compare to the villa 's exterior beauty . We hated to have to leave , but we needed to complete the lake tour . Very close on the same peninsula is a villa belonging to Sir Richard Branson . It looks rather plain compared to Villa Balbianello ; but Sir Richard is able to charge 150 , 000 € or about $ 200 , 000 a week to rent it . We had a very nice lunch at the hotel and decided after we finished , to take a little tour bus called the Trombetta Express . Reading the information about it had peaked our interest , since it appeared that we could see many areas we hadn 't been to , and Carol wouldn 't have to walk . Plus it looked like a great deal for only 5 € per person . It was grossly overpriced ! The ride was extremely bumpy and not a smooth bumpy , a very rough bumpy . The biggest problem though was that there wasn 't anything to see . The path we took was more a tour of walls than of any of the advertised attractions . We just couldn 't see much from the train , and what we could see wasn 't particularly worthy of spending time on . Needless to say , do yourself a favor and just walk around Bellagio . You will see a lot more and have a much better time . After the waste of time on the Trombetta Train ride , Carol went back to the room and I headed down the road to tour the Villa Melzi Gardens . I passed by my rental car which was parked in one of the free spaces . It was a very good space , since I wouldn 't have to walk up the hill to get to it the next day when we left . The gardens were composed of rare and exotic plants , trees , shrubs and some flowers . There were fewer flowers than I expected , but the environment of the gardens was quite relaxing and enjoyable . Interspersed throughout the gardens were statuary and even a temple that kept the walk interesting . The Melzi Villa itself is not open for touring , but I could appreciate the structure itself and the many statues surrounding it . When I got back to the hotel , Carol was packing stuff up in preparation for our drive to Milan the next day and for our flight home the following day . Later that evening we decided to have dinner in our hotel , since we had enjoyed it so much for the two lunches . After dinner we sat out on our terrace enjoying the beauty of Lake Como . The next morning we packed up the car and took a ferry ride across the lake for our drive to Milan . It was kind of fun . I was already planning how we could see other parts of Lake Como on the ferry system when we return . Since we had the whole day to tour the Lake District , we planned to drive over to Lugano , Switzerland while we were in the area . After that we would check out the actual town of Como . The drive around Lake Lugano was very pretty ; but when we got into the town of Lugano , we were shocked that it was such a big city . We were expecting something much smaller . The traffic was terrible , there were lots of large buildings and worst of all there were no parking places to be found anywhere near the tourist areas . Since we didn 't see much appeal in even stopping in Lugano , we decided to just travel directly on to Como . That is when we had our first navigational problems . The maps were not making sense . Probably because we were using an Italian map and we were in Switzerland . We finally found the right way to go and were on our way to Como . I guess we were spoiled by little Bellagio , because when we arrived in Como , it sure seemed like a big city too . Not as big as Lugano , but bigger than I expected . We stopped at a park and admired the monuments and the view across the lake . This was a pretty town ; but after spending two days in Bellagio , nothing was going to impress us . We had been spoiled by Bellagio . We got back into the car to try to find the main tourist area . We did have a problem trying to find a parking place near where we wanted to get out and tour ; but we did find a spot near a restaurant , so instead we stopped for lunch . After lunch , we decided to just go on to Milan and our hotel at the airport , the Novotel Milano Malpensa . We had traveled enough and were ready to just chill out at the hotel . I was surprised how close Como was to Milan . It didn 't take very long to get there . Looking at the map , it didn 't appear too difficult to find the hotel . Wrong again ! We got off on the right exit and saw a sign pointing where to go for the Novotel . We went down the road , but there were no hotels anywhere to be found . We went back to the same intersection where the sign was directing us to the Novotel and decided that we must have made a wrong turn , so we tried something else . We followed that path and got hopelessly lost . We didn 't know where we were . Once again , I had to use my iPhone GPS maps to rescue me . It was able to get us back on the right road , which was nowhere near where the sign had told us to go . Carol watched the GPS following the map as we drove , and she directed me right to the hotel . I was so glad to find it , since we had been driving around getting lost for quite awhile . The hotel itself was very modern and a nice looking place . We found our room and it was lovely . It even had two bathrooms , one which was handicapped accessible . After we settled in , I decided that it would be a good idea to drive to the airport to make sure I could find where to return the rental car the next morning . I am glad I did , because it was very conWhen we booked our third Med cruise , we had no idea that it would be as good as this one turned out . We met some new friends on Cruise Critic that we shared some good times and some awesome tours with . The new ports we visited were fascinating and beautiful , the tours we had in the ports we had previously visited were incredible , and the weather was almost perfect every day . What more could we have asked for . Below is a link to the Shutterfly albums with other photos from the vacations : |
TWO Donkeys and the Geese lived on the Green , and all other residents of any social standing lived in houses round it . The houses had no names . Everybody 's address was " The Green , " but the Postman and the people of the place knew where each family lived . As to the rest of the world , what has one to do with the rest of the world , when he is safe at home on his own Goose Green ? Moreover , if a stranger did come on any lawful business , he might ask his way at the shop . [ Page 6 ] Most of the inhabitants were long - lived , early deaths ( like that of the little Miss Jessamine ) being exceptional , and most of the old people were proud of their age , especially the sexton , who would be ninety - nine come Martinmas , and whose father remembered a man who had carried arrows , as a boy , for the battle of Flodden Field . The Grey Goose and the big Miss Jessamine were the only elderly persons who kept their ages secret . Indeed , Miss Jessamine never mentioned any one 's age , or recalled the exact year in which anything had happened . She said that she had been taught that it was bad manners to do so " in a mixed assembly . " The Grey Goose also avoided dates , but this was partly because her brain , though intelligent , was not mathematical , and computation was beyond her . She never got farther than " last Michaelmas , " " the Michaelmas before that , " and " the Michaelmas before the Michaelmas before that . " After this , her head , which was small , became confused , and she said , " Ga , ga ! " and changed the subject . But she remembered the little Miss Jessamine , the Miss Jessamine with the " conspicuous " hair . Her aunt , the big Miss Jessamine , said it was her only fault . The hair was clean , was abundant , was glossy , but do what you would with it , it never looked quite like other people 's . And at church , after Saturday night 's wash , it shone like the best brass fender after a Spring cleaning . In short , it was conspicuous , which does not become a young woman - especially in church . Those were worrying times altogether , and the Green was used for strange purposes . A political meeting was held on it with the village Cobbler in the chair , and a speaker who came by stage coach from the town , where they had wrecked the baker 's shops , and discussed the price of bread . He came a second time , by stage , but the people had heard something about him in the meanwhile [ Page 7 ] and they did not keep him on the Green . They took him to the pond and tried to make him swim , which he could not do , and the whole affair was very disturbing to all quiet and peaceable fowls . After which another man came , and preached sermons on the Green , and a great many people went to hear him ; for those were " trying times , " and folk ran hither and thither for comfort . And then what did they do but drill the ploughboys on the Green , to get them ready to fight the French , and teach them the goose - step ! However , that came to an end at last , for Bony was sent to St . Helena , and the ploughboys were sent back to the plough . Everybody lived in fear of Bony in those days , especially the naughty children , who were kept in order during the day by threats of , " Bony shall have you , " and who had nightmares about him in the dark . They thought he was an Ogre in a cocked hat . The Grey Goose thought he was a Fox , and that all the men of England were going out in red coats to hunt him . It was no use to argue the point , for she had a very small head , and when one idea got into it there was no room for another . Besides , the Grey Goose never saw Bony , nor did the children , which rather spoilt the terror of him , so that the Black Captain became more effective as a Bogy with hardened offenders . The Grey Goose remembered his coming to the place perfectly . What he came for she did not pretend to know . It was all part and parcel of the war and bad times . He was called the Black Captain , partly because of himself , and partly because of his wonderful black mare . Strange stories were afloat of how far and fast that mare could go , when her master 's hand was on her mane and he whispered in her ear . Indeed , some people thought we might reckon ourselves very lucky if we were not out of the frying - pan into the fire , and had not got a certain well - known Gentleman of the Road to [ Page 8 ] protect us against the French . But that , of course , made him none the less useful to the Johnson 's Nurse , when the little Miss Johnsons were naughty . " You leave off crying this minnit , Miss Jane , or I 'll give you right away to that horrid wicked officer . Jemima ! just look out o ' the windy , if you please , and see if the Black Cap ' n 's a - coming with his horse to carry away Miss Jane . " And there , sure enough , the Black Captain strode by , with his sword clattering as if it did not know whose head to cut off first . But he did not call for Miss Jane that time . He went on to the Green , where he came so suddenly upon the eldest Master Johnson , sitting in a puddle on purpose , in his new nankeen skeleton suit , that the young gentleman thought judgement had overtaken him at last , and abandoned himself to the howlings of despair . His howls were redoubled when he was clutched from behind and swung over the Black Captain 's shoulder , but in five minutes his tears were stanched , and he was playing with the officer 's accoutrements . All of which the Grey Goose saw with her own eyes , and heard afterwards that that bad boy had been whining to go back to the Black Captain ever since , which showed how hardened he was , and that nobody but Bonaparte himself could be expected to do him any good . But those were " trying times . " It was bad enough when the pickle of a large and respectable family cried for the Black Captain ; when it came to the little Miss Jessamine crying for him , one felt that the sooner the French landed and had done with it the better . The big Miss Jessamine 's objection to him was that he was a soldier , and this prejudice was shared by all the Green . " A soldier , " as the speaker from the town had observed , " is a bloodthirsty , unsettled sort of a rascal ; that the peaceable , home - loving , bread - winning citizen can [ Page 9 ] never conscientiously look on as a brother , till he has beaten his sword into a ploughshare , and his spear into a pruninghook . " On the other hand there was some truth in what the Postman ( an old soldier ) said in reply ; that the sword has to cut a way for us out of many a scrape into which our bread - winners get us when they drive their ploughshares into fallows that don 't belong to them . Indeed , whilst our most peaceful citizens were prosperous chiefly by means of cotton , of sugar , and of the rise and fall of the money - market ( not to speak of such saleable matters as opium , firearms , and " black ivory " ) , disturbances were apt to arise in India , Africa , and other outlandish parts , where the fathers of our domestic race were making fortunes for their families . And , for that matter , even on the Green , we did not wish the military to leave us in the lurch , so long as there was any fear that the French were coming . To let the Black Captain have little Miss Jessamine , however , was another matter . Her Aunt would not hear of it ; and then , to crown all , it appeared that the Captain 's father did not think the young lady good enough for his son . Never was any affair more clearly brought to a conclusion . But those were " trying times ; " and one moonlight night , when the Grey Goose was sound asleep upon one leg , the Green was rudely shaken under her by the thud of a horse 's feet . " Ga , ga ! " said she , putting down the other leg , and running away . By the time she returned to her place not a thing was [ Page 10 ] to be seen or heard . The horse had passed like a shot . But next day , there was hurrying and skurrying and cackling at a very early hour , all about the white house with the black beams , where Miss Jessamine lived . And when the sun was so low , and the shadows so long on the grass that the Grey Goose felt ready to run away at the sight of her own neck , little Miss Jane Johnson , and her " particular friend " Clarinda , sat under the big oak - tree on the Green , and Jane pinched Clarinda 's little finger till she found that she could keep a secret , and then she told her in confidence that she had heard from Nurse and Jemima that Miss Jessamine 's niece had been a very naughty girl , and that that horrid wicked officer had come for her on his black horse , and carried her off right away . " Will she never come back ? " asked Clarinda . [ Page 11 ] " Not never no more ? " sobbed Clarinda , for she was weak - minded , and could not bear to think that Bony never never let naughty people go home again . Next day Jane had heard more . " No . A Gretna Green . Don 't ask so many questions , child , " said Jane ; who , having no more to tell , gave herself airs . Jane was wrong on one point . Miss Jessamine 's niece did come back , and she and her husband were forgiven . The Grey Goose remembered it well , it was Michaelmas - tide , the Michaelmas before the Michaelmas before the Michaelmas - but , ga , ga ! What does the date matter ? It was autumn , harvest - time , and everybody was so busy prophesying and praying about the crops , that the young couple wandered through the lanes , and got blackberries for Miss Jessamine 's celebrated crab and blackberry jam , and made guys of themselves with bryony - wreaths , and not a soul troubled his head about them , except the children , and the Postman . The children dogged the Black Captain 's footsteps ( his bubble reputation as an Ogre having burst ) , clamouring for a ride on the black mare . And the Postman would go somewhat out of his postal way to catch the Captain 's dark eye , and show that he had not forgotten how to salute an officer . But they were " trying times . " One afternoon the black mare was stepping gently up and down the grass , with her head at her master 's shoulder , and as many children crowded on to her silky back as if she had been an elephant in a menagerie ; and the next afternoon she carried him away , sword and sabre - tache clattering war - music at her side , and the old Postman waiting for them , rigid with salutation , at the four cross roads . War and bad times ! It was a hard winter , and the [ Page 12 ] big Miss Jessamine and the little Miss Jessamine ( but she was Mrs . Black - Captain now ) , lived very economically that they might help their poorer neighbours . They neither entertained nor went into company , but the young lady always went up the village as far as the George and Dragon , for air and exercise , when the London Mail * came in . [ Page 13 ] One day ( it was a day in the following June ) it came in earlier than usual , and the young lady was not there to meet it . But a crowd soon gathered round the George and Dragon , gaping to see the Mail Coach dressed with flowers and oak - leaves , and the guard wearing a laurel - wreath over and above his roya " Is there news ? " " Don 't agitate yourself , my dear , " said her aunt . " I will read it aloud , and then we can enjoy it together ; a far more comfortable method , my love , than when you go up the village , and come home out of breath , having snatched half the news as you run . " " I am all attention , dear aunt , " said the little lady , clasping her hands tightly on her lap . " The loss of the British Army upon this occasion has unfortunately been most severe . It had not been possible to make out a return of the killed and wounded when Major Percy left headquarters . The names of the officers killed and wounded , as far as they can be collected , are annexed . To one thing the supremely afflicted are entitled in their sorrow - to be obeyed - and yet it is the last kindness that people commonly will do them . But Miss Jessamine did . Steadying her voice , as best she might , she read on , and the old soldier stood bare - headed to hear that first Roll of the Dead at Waterloo , which began with the Duke of Brunswick , and ended with Ensign Brown . * Five - and - thirty British Captains fell asleep that day on the Bed of Honour , and the Black Captain slept among them . Three days later , the Captain 's wife had joined him , and Miss Jessamine was kneeling by the cradle of their orphan son , a purple - red morsel of humanity , with conspicuously golden hair . " Will he live , Doctor ? " " Live ? GOD bless my soul , ma ' am ! Look at him ! The young Jackanapes ! " * " The political men declare war , and generally for commercial interests ; but when the nation is thus embroiled with its neighbours the soldier . . . draws the sword , at the command of his country . . . . One word as to thy comparison of military and commercial persons . What manner of men be they who have supplied the Caffres with the firearms and ammunition to maintain their savage and deplorable wars ? Assuredly they are not military . . . Cease then , if thou woulds 't be counted among the just , to vilify soldiers . " - W . NAPIER , Lieut . - General , November , 1851 . [ Page 12 ] * The Mail Coach it was that distributed over the face of the land , like the opening of apocalyptic vials , the heart - shaking news of Trafalgar , of Salamanca , of Vittoria , of Waterloo . . . . The grandest chapter of our experience , within the whole Mail Coach service , was on those occasions when we went down from London with the news of Victory . Five years of life it was worth paying down for the privilege of an outside place . DE QUINCEY . [ Page 14 ] It was a fine , downy , bright yellow little thing , but it had a monstrous big nose and feet , and such an ungainly walk as she knew no other instance of in her well - bred and high - stepping family . And as to behaviour , it was not that it was either quarrelsome or moping , but simply unlike the rest . When the other chicks hopped and peeped on the Green about their mother 's feet , this solitary yellow brat went waddling off on its own responsibility , and do or cluck what the speckled hen would , it went to play in the pond . Jackanapes had had the start of the Postman by nearly ten minutes . The world - the round green world with an oak tree on it - was just becoming interesting to him . He had tried , vigourously but ineffectually , to mount a [ Page 17 ] passing pig the last time he was taken out walking ; but then he was encumbered with a nurse . Now he was his own master , and might , by courage and energy , become the master of that delightful , downy , dumpty , yellow thing , that was bobbing along over the green grass in front of him . Forward ! Charge ! He aimed well , and grabbed it , but only to feel the delicious downiness and dumpiness slipping through his fingers as he fell upon his face . " Quawk ! " said the yellow thing , and wobbled off sideways . It was this oblique movement that enabled Jackanapes to come up with it , for it was bound for the Pond , and therefore obliged to come back into line . He failed again from top - heaviness , and his prey escaped sideways as before , and , as before , lost ground in getting back to the direct road to the Pond . YOUNG Mrs . Johnson , who was a mother of many , hardly knew which to pity more ; Miss Jessamine for having her little ways and her antimacassars rumpled by a young Jackanapes ; or the boy himself , for being brought up by an old maid . Oddly enough , she would probably have pitied neither , had Jackanapes been a girl . ( One is so apt to think that what works smoothest works to the highest ends , having no patience for the results of friction . ) That Father in GOD , who bade the young men to be pure , and the maidens brave , greatly disturbed a member of his congregation , " Nature has done that , " was the reply ; " I meant what I said . " In good sooth , a young maid is all the better for learning some robuster virtues than maidenliness and not to move the antimacassars . And the robuster virtues require some fresh air and freedom . As , on the other hand , Jackanapes ( who had a boy 's full share of the little beast and the young monkey in his natural composition ) was none the worse , at his tender years , for learning some maidenliness - so far as maidenliness means decency , pity , unselfishness , and pretty behaviour . And it is due to him to say that he was an obedient boy , and a boy whose word could be depended on , long before his grandfather the General came to live at the Green . He was obedient ; that is he did what his great aunt told him . But - oh dear ! oh dear ! - the pranks he played , which it had never entered into her head to forbid ! It was when he had just been put into skeletons ( frocks never suited him ) that he became very friendly with Master Tony Johnson , a younger brother of the young gentleman who sat in the puddle on purpose . Tony was not enterprising , and Jackanapes led him by the nose . One summer 's evening they were out late , and Miss Jessamine was becoming anxious , when Jackanapes presented himself with a ghastly face all besmirched with tears . He was unusually subdued . " I 'm afraid , " he sobbed ; " if you please , I 'm very much afraid that Tony Johnson 's dying in the churchyard . " Miss Jessamine was just beginning to be distracted , when she smelt Jackanapes . [ Page 20 ] " You naughty , naughty boys ! Do you mean to tell me that you 've been smoking ? " Not that there was ever the slightest quarrel between the ladies . It never even came near it , except the day after Tony had been so very sick with riding Bucephalus in the giddy - go - round . Mrs . Johnson had explained to Miss Jessamine that the reason Tony was so easily upset , was the unusual sensitiveness ( as a doctor had explained it It was at the Fair that Tony was made ill by riding on Bucephalus . Once a year the Goose Green became the scene of a carnival . First of all , carts and caravans were rumbling up all along , day and night . Jackanapes could hear them as he lay in bed , and could hardly sleep for speculating what booths and whirligigs he should find fairly established , when he and his dog Spitfire went out after breakfast . As a matter of fact , he seldom had to wait so long for news of the Fair . The Postman knew the window out of which Jackanapes ' yellow head would come , and was ready with his report . " Royal Theayter , Master Jackanapes , in the old place , but be careful o ' them seats , sir ; they 're rickettier than ever . Two sweets and a ginger - beer under the oak - tree , and the Flying Boats is just a - coming along the road . No doubt it was partly because he had already suffered severely in the Flying Boats , that Tony collapsed so quickly in the giddy - go - round . He only mounted Bucephalus ( who was spotted , and had no tail , ) because Jackanapes urged him , and held out the ingenious hope that the round - and - round feeling would very likely cure the up - and - down sensation . It did not , however , and Tony tumbled off during the first revolution . Jackanapes was not absolutely free from qualms , but having once mounted the Black Prince , he stuck to him as a horseman should . During the first round he waved his hat , and observed with some concern that the Black Prince had lost an ear since the last Fair ; at the second , he looked a little pale , but sat upright , though somewhat unnecessarily rigid ; at the third round he shut his eyes . During the fourth his hat fell off , and he clasped his horse 's neck . By [ Page 22 ] the fifth he had laid his yellow head against the Black Prince 's mane , and so clung anyhow till the hobby - horses stopped , when the proprietor assisted him to alight , and he sat down rather suddenly and said he had enjoyed it very much . The Grey Goose always ran away at the first approach of the caravans , and never came back to the Green till there was nothing left of the Fair but footmarks and oyster - shells . Running away was her pet principle ; the only system , she maintained , by which you can live long and easily , and lose nothing . If you run away when you see danger , you can come back when all is safe . Run quickly , return slowly , hold your head high , and gabble as loud as you can , and you 'll preserve the respect of the Goose Green to a peaceful old age . Why should you struggle and get hurt , if you can lower your head and swerve , and not lose a feather ? Why in the world should any one spoil the pleasure of life , or risk his skin , if he can help it ? " ' What 's the use ? ' [ Page 23 ] Before answering which one might have to consider what world - which life - and whether his skin were a goose - skin ; but the Grey Goose 's head would never have held all that . Grass soon grows over footprints , and the village children took the oyster - shells to trim their gardens with ; but the year after Tony rode Bucephalus there lingered another relic of Fair - time , in which Jackanapes was deeply interested . " The Green " proper was originally only part of a straggling common , which in its turn merged into some wilder waste land where gipsies sometimes squatted if the authorities would allow them , especially after the annual Fair . And it was after the Fair that Jackanapes , out rambling by himself , was knocked over by the Gipsy 's son riding the Gipsy 's red - haired pony at break - neck pace across the common . Jackanapes got up and shook himself , none the worse , except for being heels over head in love with the red - haired pony . What a rate he went at ! How he spurned the ground with his nimble feet ! How his red coat shone in the sunshine ! And what bright eyes peeped out of his dark forelock as it was blown by the wind ! " Do you mean to kill the little fine gentleman , and swing us all on the gibbet , you rascal ? " screamed the Gipsy - mother , who came up just as Jackanapes and the pony set off . " He would get on , " replied her son . " It 'll not kill him . He 'll fall on his yellow head , and it 's as tough as a cocoa - nut . " But Jackanapes did not fall . He stuck to the red - haired pony as he had stuck to the hobby - horse ; but oh , how different the delight of this wild gallop with flesh and [ Page 24 ] blood ! Just as his legs were beginning to feel as if he did not feel them , the Gipsy boy cried " Lollo ! " Round went the pony so unceremoniously , that , with as little ceremony , Jackanapes clung to his neck , and he did not properly recover himself before Lollo stopped with a jerk at the place where they had started . " Fifteen pounds , " said the Gipsy - father ; and Jackanapes sighed and went home again . That very afternoon he and Tony rode the two donkeys , and Tony managed to get thrown , and even Jackanapes ' donkey kicked . But it was jolting , clumsy work after the elastic swiftness and the dainty mischief of the red - haired pony . A few days later Miss Jessamine spoke very seriously to Jackanapes . She was a good deal agitated as she told him that his grandfather the General was coming to the Green , and that he must be on his very best behaviour during the visit . If it had been feasible to leave off calling him Jackanapes and to get used to his baptismal name of Theodore before the day after to - morrow ( when [ Page 25 ] the General was due ) , it would have been satisfactory . But Miss Jessamine feared it would be impossible in practice , and she had scruples about it on principle . It would not seem quite truthful , although she had always most fully intended that he should be called Theodore when he had outgrown the ridiculous appropriateness of his nickname . The fact was that he had not outgrown it , but he must take care to remember who was meant when his grandfather said Theodore . Indeed for that matter he must take care all along . " You are a good boy , Jackanapes . Thank GOD , I can tell your grandfather that . An obedient boy , an honourable boy , and a kind - hearted boy . But you are - in short , you are a Boy , Jackanapes . And I hope " - added Miss Jessamine , desperate with the results of experience - " that the General knows that Boys will be Boys . " What mischief could be foreseen , Jackanapes promised to guard against . He was to keep his clothes and his hands clean , to look over his catechism , not to put sticky things in his pockets , to keep that hair of his smooth - ( " It 's the wind that blows it , Aunty , " said Jackanapes - " I 'll send by the coach for some bear 's - grease , " said Miss Jessamine , tying a knot in her pocket - handkerchief ) - not to burst in at the parlour door , not to talk at the top of his voice , not to crumple his Sunday frill , and to sit quite quiet during the sermon , to be sure to say " sir " to the General , to be careful about rubbing his shoes on the door - mat , and to bring his lesson - books to his aunt at once that she might iron down the dogs ' ears . The General arrived , and for the first day all went well , except that Jackanapes ' hair was as wild as usual , for the hairdresser [ Page 26 ] had no bear 's grease left . He began to feel more at ease with his grandfather , and disposed to talk confidentially with him , as he did with the Postman . All that the General felt it would take too long to tell , but the result was the same . He was disposed to talk confidentially with Jackanapes . " You should see it in Fair - week , sir , " said Jackanapes , shaking his yellow mop , and leaning back in his one of the two Chippendale arm - chairs in which they sat . " A fine time that , eh ? " said the General , with a twinkle in his left eye . ( The other was glass . ) [ Page 27 ] Jackanapes shook his hair once more . " I enjoyed this last one the best of all , " he said . " I 'd so much money . " " Watch - stand for Aunty , threepence . Trumpet for myself , twopence , that 's fivepence . Ginger - nuts for Tony , twopence , and a mug with a Grenadier on for the Postman , fourpence , that 's elevenpence . Shooting - gallery a penny , that 's a shilling . Giddy - go - round , a penny , that 's one and a penny . Treating Tony , one and twopence . Flying Boats ( Tony paid for himself ) , a penny , one and threepence . Shooting - gallery again , one and fourpence ; Fat Woman a penny , one and fivepence . Giddy - go - round again , one and sixpence . Shooting - gallery , one and sevenpence . Treating Tony , and then he wouldn 't shoot , so I did , one and eightpence . Living Skeleton , a penny - no , Tony treated me , the Living Skeleton doesn 't count . Skittles , a penny , one and ninepence . Mermaid ( but when we got inside she was dead ) , a penny , one and tenpence . Theatre , a penny ( Priscilla Partington , or the Green Lane Murder . A beautiful young lady , sir , with pink cheeks and a real pistol ) , that 's one and elevenpence . Ginger beer , a penny ( I was so thirsty ! ) two shillings . And then the Shooting - gallery man gave me a turn for nothing , because , he said , I was a real gentleman , and spent my money like a man . " " So you do , sir , so you do ! " cried the General . " Why " Yes I have , " said Jackanapes . " Two pennies . They are saving up . " And Jackanapes jingled them with his hand . " You don 't want money except at fair - times , I suppose ? " said the General . " Wait a minute , sir , till I think what twopence from fifteen pounds leaves . Two from nothing you can 't , but borrow twelve . Two from twelve , ten , and carry one . Please remember ten , sir , when I ask you . One from nothing you can 't , borrow twenty . One from twenty , nineteen , and carry one . One from fifteen , fourteen . Fourteen pounds nineteen and - what did I tell you to remember ? " " To buy Lollo with . Lollo means red , sir . The Gipsy 's red - haired pony , sir . Oh , he is beautiful ! You should see his coat in the sunshine ! You should see his mane ! You should see his tail ! Such little feet , sir , and they go like lightning ! Such a dear face , too , and eyes like a mouse ! But he 's a racer , and the Gipsy wants fifteen pounds for him . " " If he 's a racer , you couldn 't ride him . Could you ? " " No - o , sir , but I can stick to him . I did the other day . " " You did , did you ? Well , I 'm fond of riding myself , and if the beast is as good as you say , he might suit me . " [ Page 29 ] " You 're too tall for Lollo , I think , " said Jackanapes , measuring his grandfather with his eye . " Don 't you weigh a good deal ? " asked Jackanapes . " Chiefly waistcoats , " said the General , slapping the breast of his military frock - coat . " We 'll have the little racer on the Green the first thing in the morning . Glad you mentioned it , grandson . Glad you mentioned it . " The General was as good as his word . Next morning the Gipsy and Lollo , Miss Jessamine , Jackanapes and his grandfather and his dog Spitfire , were all gathered at one end of the Green in a group , which so aroused the innocent curiosity of Mrs . Johnson , as she saw it from one of her upper windows , that she and the children took their early promenade rather earlier than usual . The General talked to the Gipsy , and Jackanapes fondled Lollo 's mane , and did not know whether he should be more glad or miserable if his grandfather bought him . " Jackanapes ! " " I 've bought Lollo , but I believe you were right . He hardly stands high enough for me . If you can ride him to the other end of the Green , I 'll give him to you . Away went Lollo , and away went Jackanapes ' hat . His golden hair flew out , an aureole from which his cheeks shone red and distended with trumpeting . Away went [ Page 30 ] Spitfire , mad with the rapture of the race , and the wind in his silky ears . Away went the geese , the cocks , the hens , and the whole family of Johnson . Lucy clung to her mamma , Jane saved Emily by the gathers of her gown , and Tony saved himself by a somersault . " Good , my little gentleman , good ! " said the Gipsy . " You were born to the saddle . You 've the flat thigh , the strong knee , the wiry back , and the light caressing hand , all you want is to learn the whisper . Come here ! " " What was that dirty fellow talking about , grandson ? " asked the General . " I can 't tell you , sir . It 's a secret . " They were sitting in the window again , in the two Chippendale arm - chairs , the General devouring every line of his grandson 's face , with strange spasms crossing his own . [ Page 31 ] " You must love your aunt very much , Jackanapes ? " The ties of blood were pressing very strongly on the General himself , and perhaps he thought of Lollo . But Love is not bought in a day , even with fourteen pounds nineteen shillings and tenpence . Jackanapes answered quite readily , " The Postman . " " Why the Postman ? " " He knew my father , " said Jackanapes , " and he tells me about him , and about his black mare . My father was a soldier , a brave soldier . He died at Waterloo . When I grow up I want to be a soldier too . " " So you shall , my boy . So you shall . " " Thank you , grandfather . Aunty doesn 't want me to be a soldier for fear of being killed . " " Bless my life ! Would she have you get into a feather - bed and stay there ? Why , you might be killed by a thunderbolt , if you were a butter - merchant ! " " So I might . I shall tell her so . What a funny fellow you are , sir ! I say , do you think my father knew the Gipsy 's secret ? The Postman says he used to whisper to his black mare . " " Your father was taught to ride as a child , by one of those horsemen of the East who swoop and dart and wheel about a plain like swallows in autumn . Grandson ! Love me a little too . I can tell you more about your father than the Postman can . " " I do love you , " said Jackanapes . " Before you came I was frightened . I 'd no notion you were so nice . " " Love me always , boy , whatever I do or leave undone . And - GOD help me - whatever you do or leave undone , I 'll love you ! There shall never be a cloud between us for a day ; no , sir , not for an hour . We 're imperfect enough , all of us , we needn 't be so bitter ; and life is uncertain [ Page 32 ] enough at its safest , we needn 't waste it 's opportunities . Look at me ! Here sit I , after a dozen battles and some of the worst climates in the world , and by yonder lych gate lies your mother , who didn 't move five miles , I suppose , from your aunt 's apron - strings , - dead in her teens ; my golden - haired daughter , whom I never saw . " Jackanapes was terribly troubled . " Don 't cry , grandfather , " he pleaded , his own blue eyes round with tears . " I will love you very much , and I will try to be very good . But I should like to be a soldier . " " You shall , my boy , you shall . You 've more claims for a commission than you know of . Cavalry , I suppose ; eh , ye young Jackanapes ? Well , well ; if you live to be an honour to your country , this old heart shall grow young again with pride for you ; and if you die in the service of your country - GOD bless me , it can but break for ye ! " And beating the region which he said was all waistcoats , as if they stifled him , the old man got up and strode out on to the Green . [ Page 33 ] CHAPTER IV . " Greater love hath no man than this , that a man lay down his life for his friends . " - JOHN xv . 13 . TWENTY and odd years later the Grey Goose was still alive , and in full possession of her faculties , such as they were . She lived slowly and carefully , and she lived long . So did Miss Jessamine ; but the General was dead . He had lived on the Green for many years , during which he and the Postman saluted each other with a punctiliousness that it almost drilled one to witness . He would have completely spoiled Jackanapes if Miss [ Page 34 ] Jessamine 's conscience would have let him ; otherwise he somewhat dragooned his neighbours , and was as positive about parish matters as a ratepayer about the army . A stormy - tempered , tender - hearted soldier , irritable with the suffering of wounds of which he never spoke , whom all the village followed to his grave with tears . The General 's death was a great shock to Miss Jessamine , and her nephew stayed with her for some little time after the funeral . Then he was obliged to join his regiment , which was ordered abroad . One effect of the conquest which the General had gained over the affections of the village , was a considerable abatement of the popular prejudice against " the military . " Indeed the village was now somewhat importantly represented in the army . There was the General himself , and the Postman , and the Black Captain 's tablet in the church , and Jackanapes , and Tony Johnson , and a Trumpeter . A Boy Trumpeter , grave with the weight of responsi - [ Page 35 ] bilities and accoutrements beyond his years , and stained , so that his own mother would not have known him , with the sweat and dust of battle , did as he was bid ; and then pushing his trumpet pettishly aside , adjusted his weary legs for the hundredth time to the horse which was a world too big for him , and muttering , " ' Tain 't a pretty tune , " tried to see something of this , his first engagement , before it came to an end . Being literally in the thick of it , he could hardly have seen less or known less of what happened in that particular skirmish if he had been at home in England . For many good reasons ; including dust and smoke , and that what attention he dared distract from his commanding officer was pretty well absorbed by keeping his hard - mouthed troop - horse in hand , under pain of execration by his neighbours in the melée . By - and - by , when the newspapers came out , if he could get a look at one before it was [ Page 36 ] thumbed to bits , he would learn that the enemy had appeared from ambush in overwhelming numbers , and that orders had been given to fall back , which was done slowly and in good order , the men fighting as they retired . Born and bred on the Goose Green , the youngest of Mr . Johnson 's gardener 's numerous offspring , the boy had given his family " no peace " till they let him " go for a soldier " with Master Tony and Master Jackanapes . They consented at last , with more tears than they shed when an elder son was sent to gaol for poaching , and the boy was perfectly happy in his life , and full of esprit de corps . It was this which had been wounded by having to sound retreat for " the young gentlemen 's regiment , " the first time he served with it before the enemy , and he was also harassed by having completely lost sight of Master Tony . There had been some hard fighting before the backward movement began , and he had caught sight of him once , but not since . On the other hand , all the pulses of his village pride had been stirred by one or two visions of Master [ Page 37 ] for a moment , and he could see the plain , and the enemy 's line some two hundred yards away . And across the plain between them , he saw Master Jackanapes galloping alone at the top of Lollo 's speed , their faces to the enemy , his golden head at Lollo 's ear . But at this moment noise and smoke seemed to burst out on every side , the officer shouted to him to sound retire , and between trumpeting and bumping about on his horse , he saw and heard no more of the incidents of his first battle . Tony Johnson was always unlucky with horses , from the days of the giddy - go - round onwards . On this day - of all days in the year - his own horse was on the sick list , and he had to ride an inferior , ill - conditioned beast , and fell off that , at the very moment when it was a matter of life or death to be able to ride away . The horse fell on him , but struggled up again , and Tony managed to keep hold of it . It was in trying to remount that he discovered , by helplessness and anguish , that one of his legs was crushed and broken , and that no feat of which he was master would get him into the saddle . Not able even to stand alone , awkwardly , agonizingly unable to mount his restive horse , his life was yet so strong within him ! And on one side of him rolled the dust and smoke - cloud of his advancing foes , and on the other , that which covered his retreating friends . He turned one piteous gaze after them , with a bitter twinge , not of reproach , but of loneliness ; and then , dragging himself up by the side of his horse , he turned the other way and drew out his pistol , and waited for the end . Whether he waited seconds or minutes he never knew , before someone gripped him by the arm . " Jackanapes ! GOD bless you ! It 's my left leg . If you could get me on - " It was like Tony 's luck that his pistol went off at his [ Page 38 ] horse 's tail , and made it plunge ; but Jackanapes threw him across the saddle . " Hold on anyhow , and stick your spur in . I 'll lead him . Keep your head down , they 're firing high . " And Jackanapes laid his head down - to Lollo 's ear . It was when they were fairly off , that a sudden upspringing of the enemy in all directions had made it necessary to change the gradual retirement of our force into as rapid a retreat as possible . And when Jackanapes became aware of this , and felt the lagging and swerving of Tony 's horse , he began to wish he had thrown his friend across his own saddle , and left their lives to Lollo . When Tony became aware of it , several things came into his head . 1 . That the dangers of their ride for life were now more than doubled . 2 . That if Jackanapes and Lollo were not burdened with him they would undoubtedly escape . 3 . That Jackanapes ' life was infinitely valuable , and his - Tony 's - was not . 4 . That this - if he could seize it - was the supremest of all the moments in which he had tried to assume the virtues which Jackanapes had by nature ; and that if he could be courageous and unselfish now - " Jackanapes ! It won 't do . You and Lollo must go on . Tell the fellows I gave you back to them , with all my heart . Jackanapes , if you love me , leave me ! " There was a daffodil light over the evening sky in front of them , and it shone strangely on Jackanapes ' hair and face . He turned with an odd look in his eyes that a vainer man than Tony Johnson might have taken for brotherly pride . Then he shook his mop , and laughed at him . " Leave you ? To save my skin ? No , Tony , not to save my soul ! " [ Frontispiece ] He caught at his own reins and spoke very loud - Then , said he , " I am going to my Father 's . . . . My Sword I give to him that shall succeed me in my Pilgrimage , and my Courage and Skill to him that can get it . " . . . And as he went down deeper , he said , " Grave , where is thy Victory ? " So he passed over , and all the Trumpets sounded for him on the other side . " Beg pardon , Major . Didn 't see you . Oh , compound fracture and bruises , but it 's all right . He 'll pull through . " [ Page 40 ] and praise were not much in the Major 's line , as a jerk of the surgeon 's head would have betrayed to an observer . He was a bright little man , with his feelings showing all over him , but with gallantry and contempt of death enough for both sides of his profession ; who took a cool head , a white handkerchief and a case of instruments , where other men went hot - blooded with weapons , and who was the biggest gossip , male or female , of the regiment . Not even the Major 's taciturnity daunted him . " What about Jackanapes ? " " Don 't you know ? Sad business . Rode back for Johnson , and brought him in ; but , monstrous ill - luck , hit as they rode . Left lung - " " Nothing , thank you . Except - Major ! I wish I could get you to appreciate Johnson . " " This is not an easy moment , Jackanapes . " " Let me tell you , sir - he never will - that if he could have driven me from him , he would be lying yonder at this moment , and I should be safe and sound . " [ Page 41 ] The Major laid his hand over his mouth , as if to keep back a wish he would have been ashamed to utter . " I 've known old Tony from a child . He 's a fool on impulse , a good man and a gentleman in principle . And he acts on principle , which it 's not every - some water , please ! Thank you , sir . It 's very hot , and yet one 's feet get uncommonly cold . Oh , thank you , thank you . He 's no fire - eater , but he has a trained conscience and a tender heart , and he 'll do his duty when a braver and more selfish man might fail you . But he wants encouragement ; and when I 'm gone - " " He shall have encouragement . You have my word for it . Can I do nothing else ? " " Be Lollo 's master , and love him as well as you can . He 's used to it . " " Wouldn 't you rather Johnson had him ? " The blue eyes twinkled in spite of mortal pain . " Tony rides on principle , Major . His legs are bolsters , and will be to the end of the chapter . I couldn 't insult dear Lollo , but if you don 't care - " " Whilst I live - which will be longer than I desire or deserve - Lollo shall want nothing , but - you . I have too little tenderness for - my dear boy , you 're faint . Can you spare me for a moment ? " " No , stay - Major ! " [ Page 42 ] " I see . But the fact is - GOD forgive me , Jackanapes - I 'm a very different sort of fellow to some of you youngsters . Look here , let me fetch - " JACKANAPES ' death was sad news for the Goose Green , a sorrow just qualified by honourable pride in his gallantry and devotion . Only the Cobbler dissented , but that was his way . He said he saw nothing in it but foolhardiness and vainglory . They might both have been killed , as easy as not , and then where would ye have been ? A man 's life was a man 's life , and one life was as good as another . No one would catch him throwing his away . And , for that matter , Mrs . Johnson could spare a child a great deal better than Miss Jessamine . " But she 's a noble , unselfish woman , " sobbed Mrs . Johnson , " and she taught Jackanapes to be the same , and that 's how it is that my Tony has been spared to me . And it must be sheer goodness in Miss Jessamine , for what can she know of a mother 's feelings ? And I 'm sure most people seem to think that if you 've a large family you don 't know one from another any more than they do , and that a lot of children are like a lot of store - apples , if one 's taken it won 't be missed . " Lollo - the first Lollo , the Gipsy 's Lollo - very aged , draws Miss Jessamine 's bath - chair slowly up and down the Goose Green in the sunshine . In the opinion of the Goose Green , Miss Jessamine has borne her troubles " wonderfully . " Indeed , to - day , some of the less delicate and less intimate of those who see everything from the upper windows , say ( well behind her back ) that " the old lady seems quite lively with her military beaux again . " The meaning of this is , that Captain Johnson is leaning over one side of her chair , whilst by the other bends a brother officer who is staying with him , and who has manifested an extraordinary interest in Lollo . He bends lower and lower , and Miss Jessamine calls to the Postman to request Lollo to be kind enough to stop , whilst she is fumbling for something which always hangs by her side , and has got entangled with her spectacles . It is a twopenny trumpet , bought years ago in the village fair , and over it she and Captain Johnson tell , as best they can , between them , the story of Jackanapes ' ride across the Goose Green ; and how he won Lollo - the Gipsy 's Lollo - the racer Lollo - dear Lollo - faithful Lollo - Lollo the never vanquished - Lollo the tender servant of his old mistress . And Lollo 's ears twitch at every mention of his name . Their hearer does not speak , but he never moves his eyes from the trumpet , and when the tale is told , he lifts Miss Jessamine 's hand , and presses his heavy black moustache in silence to her trembling fingers . The sun , setting gently to his rest , embroiders the sombre foliage of the oak - tree with threads of gold . The Grey Goose is sensible of an atmosphere of repose , and puts up one leg for the night . The grass glows with a more vivid green , and , in answer to a ringing call from Tony , his sisters , fluttering over the daisies in pale - hued muslins , come out of their ever - open door , like pretty pigeons from a dovecote . [ Page 46 ] And , if the good gossips ' eyes do not deceive them , all the Miss Johnsons , and both the officers , go wandering off into the lanes , where bryony wreaths still twine about the brambles . To see a sample of the original copytext , view this scanned Sample Page . Page breaks have been indicated through the use of text as [ Page xx ] , at the beginning of each numbered page . Footnotes have been reproduced in a notes section at the end of the chapter to which they relate . |
A hand wrapped around my arm and I was pulled back to sit again . The contact of that hand was gentle , but I could feel the change . Power pulsed through my system . It was happening again . Wait . Aura ? How was that possible ? I had felt the change , felt my body absorb something just like it had that morning , but for some reason , the colors were still there . My body was filled by a wild strength , as though I had the ability to lift a car off the ground one - handed . A hand wrapped around my arm and I was pulled back to sit again . The contact of that hand was gentle , but I could feel the change . Power pulsed through my system . It was happening again . Shannon Reber was born a long time ago in a galaxy far , far away . . . or her imagination was anyway . She lives in western New York with her husband and a wide variety of both real and imaginary friends who often battle it out for dominance in her head . Who needs yet another normal person in this messed up world ? Read her books , or the evil overlord will take control of her mind ! Laurel stood in the rain at the side of a busy two - lane highway . She looked slowly , methodically , up and down the long stretch of each lane . Her frame was dripping wet , unsteady , floundering . Her place at this desolate spot , far from a store , or a crosswalk , or a sidewalk , had no purpose or explanation , but no one noticed . She looked to the sky with outstretched arms . Her body swayed . She looked at the ground and again at the sky . Crying now , crying so hard that her shoulders heaved , and her body quivered , and then she threw herself prostrate in front of a large truck . The truck driver reacted in an instant , and steered around her without slowing as if she were a pile of trash on the road . She had failed ; her frustration compounded her pain . Cars swerved as their tires skidded on the slick road and on the wet , grassy shoulder , all drivers working as desperately to miss her as she was desperate for them to run her down . Even now with her moment of decision past , with all the conviction she could muster , she still wanted to die , and end the suffering . She was searching for death with the same tenacity that most humans clung to life . With all the cars and trucks warned , and their lethal force muted , she just stood up and casually brushed the loose asphalt and pebbles from her arms . An eerie calm took over her face . She wiped off her dress and stepped casually back to her spot to wait again for death . Cars began to move along now . Drivers passed , staring with an array of expressions . Some shouted for the inconvenience she had caused them ; a shout of anger for the five minutes that she had delayed their lives while seeking to end her own . But they all drove by , carefully , with their windows rolled up , the air conditioners on high , windshield wipers swishing back and forth , and radios playing . The public moved on , and the individuals who were recognizable and unique in their cars while stopped , were now just another soulless mass of anonymous traffic . She could use the anonymity as a tool to achieve her goal , her quest for death , but if she knew them , maybe not . If anything , she had empathy for others . She could reach into the soul of anyone she met if given a few minutes of quiet conversation ; that was her talent . She could feel their pain , anxieties , frustrations , sadness , or she could dance with their joy , but not today . She did not want to know the person who would be required to take on the burden of her death . But someone would carry the weight this day ; she could no longer bear the pain . Cars began to speed up now . The traffic was back to normal running slightly above the speed limit . A few traveled too fast swerving in and out , cheating their own deaths . If anyone noticed the woman , wet in the rain , they chose not to stop , they chose not to help her ; they were too busy to care . She stood on the edge of the road , staring straight ahead , waiting for the karma of the right moment . She teetered in one spot . She was not afraid of doing it , she was not afraid of dying , she was afraid of living . The rain eased and the road steamed . She was at peace . The air seemed fresh and the breeze warm . It had been a beautiful day before this summer storm arrived . She looked up as the clouds parted , and the sun blazed through hotter than before . She could hear the splatter of another rain shower coming . She stood motionless and stared back at the pavement as her long black hair hung straight and dripped on her shoulders . Her dress was molded to her frame . Her hands were balled up into fists held firmly at her sides . She would end it , but just a few more breaths to breathe , a moment more to live . A horn piped a harsh warning . She looked up , and saw that it was the forceful herald of a moving van , barreling towards her at full speed . She watched the oncoming traffic with the caution of a pedestrian waiting to cross the busy road . The heavy truck careened forward with all of its force and noise and weight . Perfect . On the edge , at the last moment , she cast herself prone directly under the huge front wheels of the van . One wheel rolled over her legs crushing the bones beneath the knees . The force moved her more parallel than perpendicular . The remainder of the truck rumbled harmlessly over her body . " Why didn 't you kill me , you son of a bitch ? Why didn 't you just kill me ? Why ? Oh God , just kill me ! " She screamed , and cried , and rolled on the ground propelled by an agony beyond her physical wounds . The driver looked into her anguished eyes and fell to his knees . He put his hands to his thighs to brace his unnerved body . " I 'm sorry , lady , I … " he stammered . " You should have killed me . " She draped both arms across her face and cried . " I want to die … would someone just kill me ? " She screamed , and then began to sob uncontrollably , unconcerned with her injuries . The driver took off his shirt , folded it , and put it behind her head . She screamed . He looked at her grotesquely mangled and bleeding legs ; a bone was exposed through her skin . " Why didn 't you kill me ? Why ? Why ? " She wailed and held her hands up to the sky . " Oh , God just please kill me . " She dropped her arms to the ground , twisted in pain and sobbed . Other drivers were now helping . A man proclaimed himself as a doctor , and worked to stop the bleeding . The driver looked into her eyes again , but they were blank as if her soul had escaped and left her body to deal with this disaster . On his hands and knees in the road , he too started to sob . Finally , he sat beside her , wrapped his arms around his knees , and looked up to the heavens . Sirens wailed in the distance and a crowd formed an inquisitive circle around the two pained souls . " Why did you hit her , Hank ? Were you drunk again ? " Bubba tossed a clipboard onto his desk . " They didn 't put anything on the accident report , but I think the cops cut you a break . I bet you told them you were a veteran . You 're always leaning on that excuse . " " Why did you get so involved ? After the ambulance left , you could have just got back in the truck and drove away like most people would ' a done , but not you . No , you leave my truck with a whole houseful of furniture on the side of the road , and ride with that lady to the hospital . " " I don 't think she will . She said she wanted to die . She was screaming at me , asking why didn 't I kill her . Everybody heard it . " " Well that 's just great . Some ambulance - chasing lawyer might just sue us because you didn 't kill her . Do you know how much that accident cost me ? " " Well sorry don 't pay the bills , Hank . I 'm not paying you for the time you were off the job , and I 'm docking you two days wages for the downtime on the truck . Now get back to work . " Hank 's boss , Bubba Jaborski , was a wide , fat man with thick fingers and a large belly that protruded with a look that mimicked a late stage pregnancy . His neck had two rolls of fat and his body looked as if he might explode at any moment . Diminishing strands of hair combed over his baldhead and held in place by some repulsively aromatic adhesive jell was the only feature well tended . The strands never moved , even when he sweated as he did today . " Yeah , well I didn 't tell you to run over nobody . " Bubba mopped his forehead with a dirty handkerchief and stuffed the cloth back into his pants pocket as he struggled up the stairs to his office . Hank hung his head in frustration and went back to work . He was anxious to finish his day of drudgery . It had been a two weeks since the accident , and Hank thought maybe tomorrow evening he would go to the hospital to see if she would agree to accept a visitor . He hadn 't had a drink in two days and planned to make it three . If he could leave the bottle for three days , maybe he could leave it alone for four . The last time he had gone more than five days without a drink , he had had no choice . The correction officers had frowned on drinking in prison . Two years behind bars had helped him kick the pain pill habit , but slowly he had drifted back to alcohol and the calming influence of marijuana . He needed something for the pain . His time in prison , and now still on probation , had put severe limits on his job prospects . He meant to keep this job despite his boss . He needed the work . The meager veterans ' benefits were not sufficient for financial survival , and he was determined to improve his life . Prison had been a warning , and a discipline that had brought him out of his cycle of sorrow , self - pity , remembering , and getting high . He wanted and needed something else or someone to help break him out . He had prayed for it , and thought maybe this accident had been the answer . He needed to go to the hospital tomorrow . Hank stood at the doorway for ten minutes unsure of what to say . Finally he stepped forward with no better plan than when he had arrived . " May I come in ? " Hank was quiet for a moment . " Mind if I sit awhile ? " His shy gaze turned to the floor . " I ain 't got nothing else to do , and I thought I 'd keep you company this evening . " " Oh great , you have nothing to do so you just came to the hospital to see poor me . " She lay down on her pillow and stared at the ceiling . " Don 't put yourself out . " Hank sat in the visitor 's chair next to the window . " I 'm sorry , ma ' am , that ain 't how I meant it to sound . I meant , I wanted to come say I was sorry , but it was … damn , I ain 't no good at this . I don 't have the words , but I know what I feel , and you 've been a picture in my mind since the accident . I just had to come see you , and tell you I 'm sorry . " " Well it was to me , and I can 't get your face out of my mind . I see you crying on that road and yelling at me like it was my fault you weren 't dead , and I can 't get nothing right . " He dropped his face into his hands and started to sob . " I can 't do nothing right , even when it comes to accidentally killing someone . " " Hank , it 's okay . It was me who jumped in front of you . I wanted someone to kill me , but I guess I don 't want that now . It wasn 't right for me to blame you . I was at the end of my rope , and I 'm pretty much still there . Except now my legs are broken to add to my troubles . " He turned . " Well , that 's what you say , but the police gave me an accident report so that 's what I 'm calling it . " His palms were sweaty . He rubbed the side of his jeans a couple times and briefly looked at her , the room was silent for an uncomfortable period . " How about the TV ? Here 's the remote , just press this button to turn it on and this button is the channel selector . You can also raise and lower the bed with these buttons right here . " " Okay , but you 're new to this room , just trying to help . " She checked Laurel 's blood pressure , and gave her a small plastic cup with medications . She stood beside the bed waiting for Laurel to swallow the pills . Hank finally looked into her dark brown eyes . " Cause I saw something in your eyes that day when it happened . When you were looking at me , and yelling at me , it was like I could see into your soul . I 've never had that kinda feeling before , it was weird . I 've never felt that close to anyone , except maybe once . " He placed a leg over his knee and picked at the laces on his heavy leather shoe . " I saw pain , and a soul with no love , like an empty hole , in outer space . And I saw frustration ; it was something you couldn 't fix … And I felt like I was looking in a mirror . " Laurel looked down at her dinner and pushed beans around , but didn 't eat . She moved the table away from her bed and lay back . She was silent for a time . She closed her eyes . After a few moments , she pressed buttons on the remote . They sat for a long while and watched TV . No words were spoken until a nurse came in to check on her , and told Hank that visiting hours were over . " Laurel , I 'd like to find out what 's going on in your life . It appears you 've had a difficult time recently . " The doctor moved to the side of her bed . " I 'd like to discuss what happened the day the truck ran over your legs . " She flipped open a notepad and pulled an ink pen from her pocket . " Were you having a bad day ? " " No one cares . " They both sat silent for a few moments . " That bad day you 're talking about was the best day I 've had for a long time . " Laurel spoke flatly while she looked around the room , and avoided eye contact . " Laurel , I can only help you if you share with me . I understand that you may not trust me now . But you are a beautiful lady with a lot to live for . I 'm sure we can help resolve the issues that have made you want to hurt yourself . " The doctor paused waiting for a response , but none came . " You can have a wonderful life . " " I 'm going to prescribe some additional medication for you . We 'll have you continue with an anti - depressant . I 'll come by again tomorrow , and maybe we can talk some more . " At the moving company warehouse , Hank pulled his time card from a gray metal cardholder and punched - in at the company 's antiquated time clock . He put his lunch box in the small , cluttered break room . A long , rectangular window high on the wall revealed an orange glow as the sun lit the eastern sky . Another positive day , he thought and then walked to the rear loading dock . " Hank , I 've got a delivery for you . Get two men from the warehouse to help you . This is a good customer , and I need you to get it right . If I find out you 've been drinking , or that load doesn 't get delivered on time , then you 're done . Remember , your monthly performance report is submitted tomorrow . " Hank went to the warehouse and announced the job opportunity to the crews sitting on the loading dock waiting for work . The crews didn 't get paid if they weren 't on a job , and most were eager for the chance . Hank picked two reliable men that had previously worked with him . Those not chosen , grumbled or threw verbal insults toward Hank as he walked away . The trio climbed into a twenty - five - foot diesel - powered truck , perfect for the job , and drove out of the lot . Occasionally as they worked , Hank 's hands quivered , but when he wasn 't carrying furniture , he shoved them in his pockets so no one could see . He needed a drink , but he needed to be sober more . To stave off the craving , he smoked a chain of Marlboro cigarettes and guzzled water . Driven by the work and a new strength in his will , he fought the urge and completed the job without relenting to his alcoholic demons . " Don 't want to hear no more about it . Now get outta here if you want to keep this job . I 'll call you when I need you . " Hank had trouble getting full - time work or better conditions . After jail time , few companies would hire a man , and if they did , it was usually only part - time . The work was hard , the owners were harsh , and the treatment of former felons didn 't always follow the law . There were few complaints from parolees ; it was the job or back to prison . Today , Hank took his money and went home . He showered , dressed , and ate a sandwich . On his way to the hospital , he stopped at a convenience store for smokes and chewing gum . He stared at the beer cooler . It held him , it called him , but he didn 't move . His hand moved to the glass door handle and he held it , he squeezed it . A young man stepped up looking at the beer , but hesitated . " I think so . " She stepped back into the room . " Laurel , you have a visitor . " She held the door open for Hank . He shuffled in hanging his head and looking at his feet . Even at his age , he was still shy , especially around unfamiliar women . " Yes , shave . You know with a razor on your face . Looks like you 've gone a couple of days without . Is that the way you normally keep yourself ? " " Depends on what ? Either a man shaves everyday or he doesn 't . " Laurel took a drink of ice water and crunched on the ice in one side of her mouth . " They can 't just put you out on the street with your legs like this . You can 't walk . What 's the use of fixing you just to put you out on the street ? " " I don 't know , man . I mean I just met you . I don 't know who you are . You could be an ex - con or some serial - murderer preying on injured , helpless women . " Laurel looked past him , and stared out her window . " I 'll think about it . Seems kinda strange . Me and you sharing a place , too weird . " She moved her eyes away from his and to the end of the bed . She was shaking her head no . " We can get to know each other while you 're here in the hospital , and you can decide later . " Hank moved to the window and looked down into the parking lot . They were both quiet for a while , contemplating their path . " I told you . When I saw your eyes , something changed ; something was different . I can 't explain it , but it got inside me . I need something to care about . You 're that something that just came to me outta nowhere . It 's like fate , or God , or something put you in front of me as the answer to my prayers . " " Not like what happened . I prayed for something to change my life . I prayed hard . I think this changed me . I think this was my answer . " " I 'm on some pretty powerful pain medication so that sounds weird to me right now . They also gave me something for depression . Duh . So I 'm a little more cordial than my normal self . Don 't take my carefree attitude for the real me , or one day if you hang around , you may be disappointed . " Hank hesitated , arched his back and seemed to be struggling with a thought . He put his hands in his back pockets . " That 's hard , I don 't know … maybe . " " Maybe ? I 'm sorry , but that 's the deal , Hank . I 'll show you my soul if you show me yours . " Now Laurel was watching him intently , looking for clues of insincerity in his body language . Was this guy for real ? " I don 't need any more trouble in my life , and I 'm thinking what I see is trouble . So if I don 't know who you really are , then I can 't decide if I want you to keep coming around . " Hank worked another difficult shift at the moving company . He had only smoked five cigarettes today . When happy hour arrived , instead of heading for his favorite bar on upper King Street , he went to the hospital . As he entered Laurel 's room , a nurse was giving her medications for the evening . " Afternoon , cowboy . We all are doing fine , all things considered . My day has been just swell . Used a bed pan , had a sponge bath , got a shot in my butt that still hurts , and watched Jerry Springer because I couldn 't get the remote to work , just swell . How about you ? " Hank took off his hat , moved the visitor 's chair closer to her bed and sat . " Well , I reckon I been thinking about what to tell you , where to start and all . Like what part of my life would tell you who I am , and there really ain 't no place to start but at the beginning with me and my wife . " " I was married . " Hank stopped for a moment and looked down . " But we done skipped ahead , so I got to tell it straight through or I can 't tell it at all . Otherwise it don 't make no sense . " " Grew up in a small town in west Texas . At eighteen , I married my childhood sweetheart , Angel . And , man I 'm here to tell you , she was my angel back then ; cute as a bug 's ear and sweet as sugar on peaches . We were in love , hot and heavy , couldn 't keep our hands off each other for the first couple years . Angel couldn 't wait to have babies ; that 's all she talked about . We had a child about four months after we was married . Had another a year later . The two kids were great , and I loved being a daddy , but two little ones will sure slow down the romance . " I worked at a rancher 's feed store . It was hard living for us , but we had young love to cloud that reality . Wanted something better for my family , but to make more than minimum wage in those parts , you had to work on an oil drillin ' rig or mining . Both jobs were hard work , long hours , and dangerous , and I might not be able to come home every night . I couldn 't stand the thought of that , not being home with my Angel and our two little ones . I mean they were the reason I worked . Hell , back then , they was everything to me . " Laurel looked at Hank more closely now . For a moment , he had a sparkle in his eye as he smiled with the good memories , when he talked about his kids . She noticed a red tint in his short - cropped hair and on his cheeks , the fading freckles from his youth . In the memory he told , she could envision him as a young married man , cowboy hat tipped back on his head , and beaming as his kids played outside a house trailer . " So I kept looking around and finally found a chance to get a little extra money and to earn some free college by joining the army reserves . A lot of guys did that out there in our county . No big deal , military drill once a month and two weeks in the summer . And then the Iraq War and Afghanistan came along . Got called up and had to train and go overseas for eighteen months in all . Lost my job at the feed store cause they had to have someone work it while I was deployed . " We had been married five years the first time I went to war . Came back on leave after nine months and I was so anxious to see my Angel and the kids , I thought I would bust . But when I arrived at the airport , she wasn 't there to meet me . I had been travelin ' for twenty - four hours , came straight from the desert , and I had to catch a cab and wait outside my trailer for four hours . It was late when she got home . " A dark mood erased his smile . Laurel sensed the change . " I sat in the dark on a picnic table and watched . She stumbled around like she wasn 't sure what to do , and then started fiddling around in her purse for a cigarette , lit it and finally walked to a neighbor 's trailer . The kids came bustin ' out that trailer door , crying , upset . ' Where you been , Mama ? Where you been ? ' They were grabbing her dress . The little one had his arms up begging to be held . But she didn 't answer them , didn 't hug them or nothin ' . Just looked down on them like she was put out with the whole thing . The neighbor was pissed , they argued and the lady just turned around disgusted and slammed the door . " Angel yelled at ' em , told the kids to ' shut the hell up ' and then drug ' em by their hands back over to our place . Before I was deployed , she had never talked to our kids like that . She had never treated them like that . I was shocked and mad , but I didn 't say nothin ' ; just sat there . " When she got to our yard , I stepped out of the dark and under the front door light so they could see me . My oldest , a sweet little girl , ran to me . The younger one , a tough little four - year old boy , he wasn 't so sure . My wife shoved him towards me . ' Go say hi to your daddy , son . ' She reached in her purse for some gum and took another drag on her cigarette while watching the kids hug me . I looked at her and she just stood there with a hand on her hip . " I didn 't want to fight or fuss at her . I mean , I had just got home after nine months where all I could do was think about her and those two kids . They had been my whole life , really the only people I knew and loved . They were my family . " Although I had only been gone about nine months , it seemed like we had both aged fifty years . Young love weren 't there no more . " Hank picked on a loose thread on his jeans and let out a sigh . " My Dad had run off when I was ten and my momma died from lung cancer when she was fifty - two , the year before I got called up to go to war . My wife 's parents had moved to Washington State , and we didn 't hardly ever hear from them . They wandered around a lot ; sometimes we didn 't know where they were for months at a time . So we were pretty much on our own . " The last we heard from them was when they called us collect , just before I deployed to Afghanistan . Normally when they called , Angel would never want to tell me what they said , but somehow it always ended up about money . Angel would always send them a hundred dollars cash ; cash that we couldn 't spare . So this time , I was secretly listening on our bedroom extension . The last thing they asked was if I was killed how much insurance money would the government payout , said they could use a little if that were to happen . Now ain 't that some in - laws for you . I get so mad every time I think about it ; I just try not to . It don 't help . Hank paused , looked at the floor with a blank stare . A moment later he continued . " I thought she loved me , but when it came down to it , maybe after the thrill of teenage marriage and all , maybe it was just lust , it sure as hell wasn 't love no more . " We kinda made up while I was home , but she acted like being my wife , and my lover was more her duty than something she wanted . She said she was sorry for not meeting me at the airport . She said she got mixed up , thought I was coming the next day . But when I left to go back to the war , I could see she was just waiting for me to leave . She dropped me off at the airport four hours early . Said she had things to do , and she didn 't want me to miss my flight . " Sure ' nough about six months after I left , I got a letter from her . She said that she had sold the trailer and had moved to South Carolina . Said that she wanted a divorce . Then she said the kids were fine . She told me she hadn 't heard from her parents in months and then tells me what the kids have been doing and writing about everyday stuff that I would normally love to hear . But she had said she wanted a divorce , like it was just something that happens every day , like ' Oh , by the way , I want a divorce . ' God Almighty . " Hank paused again . He was shaking his head back and forth and his knee was bouncing rapidly like a nervous twitch . Laurel did not move . She searched his blank face . An announcement from the nurse 's station broke the spell . " So there I was in Afghanistan with no way to do nothin ' about it , and my wife sells everything we own , and moves my kids out of the state , halfway across the country , and is living with a man she met in some bar . I don 't care how you slice it or dice it or try to reconcile it , that whole deal is just wrong . But there was nothin ' I could do . " I thought about it for a long time . Hell , I didn 't have nothin ' else to do sitting in a sandbag bunker on top of a hill in that Godforsaken , shithole country . I 'd look out over the village in the valley and see families living in mud huts and they were happy or at least it seemed that way . " Their kids came outside and played every day with rocks and sticks and splashed in the creek . They loved soccer . We gave the kids a couple soccer balls that some company had donated to help us improve moral and to help get the local people to maybe like us better . Not sure it worked , but it was better than if we just ignored them . We would go out on patrol and visit them . The kids played with those soccer balls every day and they thanked us . They were all smiles . Kids are like that everywhere in the world until they get older , and someone teaches them to hate . I guess we all start out that way ; innocent , I mean . " At night , someone would shoot at us from that village and from the mountains surrounding us . Funny , those villagers that talked with us and let their kids play with us ; those same people would try to kill us at night . They were good at playing for both sides . I reckoned their lives depended on it . " So like I said , I had a lot of time to think about my marriage and my wife and my kids . I was hurt and mad and frustrated , but none of that would make a hill of beans to my situation . I reckoned my deal was a lot like the village . No matter what we had done or said , nothin ' would change , and we could just sit there and watch ' em , or we could kill them all , or we could just pack it up and leave , and nothing would change that place , just like nothin ' I did was gonna change the situation with my family . " I figured , even if Angel saw the error of her ways and came back to me , I could never trust her again . The only upside would be my kids ; they were still young enough to love their daddy , and they would come back to me with smiles and love . Unless she had tried to teach them something else bad or wrong about me to try to make it okay to do what she 'd done . I didn 't want her to teach them to hate . So I just sucked it up , and did my duty , and sat in that sand - bagged bunker for another few months until my tour was up . " Hank was looking down at the beige - and - brown - flecked tile floor . He wiped his eyes with the back of his arm just as a nurse walked in to check on Laurel and take her dinner tray away . She came in with a smile , but immediately sensed the mood in the room . Laurel sat with a somber face looking at Hank . No words were spoken until the nurse asked , " Do you need anything ? " " Sir , visiting hours will be up in another thirty minutes , but take your time , no hurry . Just press your call button if you need something , Laurel . " She walked out . " I don 't really know you well enough to be the judge , but I 'm not so sure of that . That was an intense story . Are you okay ? " " Yeah , I suppose we are . " She paused and looked at Hank with compassion . " Are you sure you 're okay ? Do you want to wait to hear my story another night ? " " When I was six years old my family went on a picnic to our favorite mountain lake . We loved it up there . It was a deep , spring - fed lake with crystal - clear blue water , surrounded by mountains and a beautiful field of wildflowers . The park was remote , but a few people came up on the weekends . My mother was still okay then , at least as far as I could tell . I mean her mental state seemed normal . My dad , he was like the mountains , big and strong and always there to take care of us . He loved us more than anything in the world . He told us so every night when he tucked us in , and we said prayers together . " That day , my older sister , Trish , and I were sitting on a flat rock with our dolls having a tea party . I was getting a little old for that and so was my sister , but she played with me anyway . She called the shots , and I looked up to her to help me sort things out , and show me the way . You know how it is with kids ; she was my big sister . She knew everything . But now that I look back on it , I think I was overly dependent on her . She even talked for me when we were around strangers . I was just too shy , I guess . " Mom and Dad were sitting on our picnic blanket with our younger brother , Blake . He was almost nine months old and cute as a button . Sometimes Trish and I played with him like one of our baby dolls . We 'd dress him up and feed him . We loved him . " That year had been hard for him . He had started to hang out with some boys that Dad didn 't like . They were snarly , rude delinquents that would tear things up , shoplift , smoke , and cause general trouble around town . I don 't know why my brother would go around with them , maybe because they were older and seemed cool to him . " He changed a lot that year . He argued with our parents , and stayed in his room when he was home . The skin underneath his eyes turned a little darker , like an older person 's might do . Trish and I , even at our age , we noticed the change , and we also noticed that sometimes he was higher than a kite , full of energy , and other times , nothing made him happy . I didn 't know about that condition back then , but later we were pretty sure he struggled with a bi - polar disorder at an early age . " That 's odd and hard to know or understand with a kid . We , or society , usually write the behavior off to being young and having too much energy or hormonal changes . It 's easy to ignore with a young teenager . " We saw him smoking and drinking a beer once behind a neighbor 's garage , and he threatened us , and told us not to tell . The older boys laughed at us , and at him too . My sister told Mom , but she didn 't do anything . I think she was scared of my brother . But my bother heard Trish telling Mom , and the next day , she found her favorite doll hanging upside down from a small tree in our backyard with its head cut off . " A week later my brother came in late , and my dad met him at the door . My brother had been drinking . Oh boy , did they have a blowout . Two mornings later , my dad found the tires on his truck slashed . " After that , my brother would just sit or sleep in his room all day . My sister and I knew he was sneaking out late at night , and coming in before dawn . He would tell us about bad people that he had seen riding around in the neighborhood . He had taken one of Daddy 's guns out a couple nights . He told us he was gonna kill those people he had seen because they were checking out our house to maybe rob us or hurt us . We were scared of him and of those people . We never saw the people he thought were stalking us , but at our age that made things more mysterious and scary . We told Daddy about the bad men and he said not to worry , but of course we did . " We discovered later these people were only in my brother 's imagination . He was so paranoid about a lot of things . He thought everyone was out to get him . It 's sad , but you could not convince him any different . He was so sure about it ; he had proof he said . " One night Daddy smelled something odd coming through the venting system . He walked in our brother 's bedroom , and Frank was smoking pot . He had a full bag right there on his bed . " Daddy called the cops . Frank got off easy ' cause he was a minor , but he was put on probation for two years and had to stay at home or with the family all the time . He got even weirder after that . " With all that trouble , he was still beautiful . He had Mom 's blue eyes and a perfectly cut face . He was slim and well built and could have been a good athlete , but he had never seemed to care about that , at least not after he started hanging out with those older boys . " And there he stood , on that bright , sunny , summer day , high up on that rock in all of his youthful glory . Mom and Daddy were sitting on the picnic blanket watching him , smiling , thinking maybe this was just the thing . Our family was all together , happy , perfect . " We had been praying for this , because that 's what the preacher told us to do . I know Daddy had hoped that the bad days were behind us , and he had faith that things would be okay . But that 's how it goes , at least for me , just when you think everything is going to be okay , and you let your guard down , then life slaps you in the face with all it 's got . " My dad waved at Frank , and took out a camera to get a shot . That 's when my brother pulled a joint out of his pocket and lit up so everyone could see . He smoked it with exaggerated antics to make sure everyone could see what he was doing . He drew in deeply on the joint and blew it out as a show . My dad started yelling at him , and my Mom was pleading for my brother to just come down . ' Be careful , ' she said . ' Be careful . ' My dad yelled , ' you little son - of - a - bitch , what do you think you 're doing ? ' Frank looked at them and smiled . He held his arms out wide and then looked to the sky . He stepped to the edge of the cliff and fell backwards into the lake . He landed flat on his back . The splash was huge . " The drop was easily a hundred feet , maybe more . I 'm not sure . When you 're a little kid , some things seem so much bigger . Well , it was high enough , I guess . The lake was really deep . It took a couple of days for the sheriff to get divers up there to find his body . " " There was a sad mood and rhythm at our place for a long time . My mom went into a sort of trance through the period while we were waiting to find his body , and the funeral , and for a few weeks after that . She and Daddy didn 't talk much for a long time ; maybe they never did talk much afterwards . It was like Frank 's death killed our family 's spirit . " I guess the hardest thing for us was leaving the lake that night . We were pretty much on our own . People dove in and looked , but could find nothing . The spot where he hit the water was hard to swim to , and dangerous for people . My mom kept looking at the water and crying like any minute he was gonna just pop right up , and shake his head and say , ' Don 't worry , I 'm good . ' My dad went at it every way he could , swimming , diving down deep until we thought he had drowned too . He climbed that dangerous rock to try to look down into that clear water , but saw nothing . I felt so helpless . I held onto my doll that whole night . " As I got older , and had my own child , I was stymied by the thought of that moment , and how hard it would be as a parent to quit looking . How do you give up the search with something like that ? How can you decide to walk away , get in your car , and drive home leaving your child in a deep , cold grave . ' Don 't worry , son , we 'll be back tomorrow with help . Just hang in there . ' That was a long drive home and the start of a long slide down . " They live among us . We know they are there . No government can control them ; no authority can stop them . Some are evil . Some are good . All are powerful . They inhabit our myths and fairy tales . But what if they were real , the witches , wizards , and fairy godmothers ? What if they were called " adepts " and were organized into guilds for mutual protection and benefit ? And what if they started mucking around with the affairs of " lessers " ( that is , those humans not able to match their powers ) ? During the height of the Cold War , Michael Vaughan is a rogue without a guild . He survives by working for the CIA as NOC ( Non - Official Cover ) . Shortly after the funeral of President Joe Kennedy , Jr . , he is sent to Cuba to assassinate Castro . There he finds himself in a cat - and - mouse game with adepts working for Fidel . " Nigga , you know I 'm a thug ! " Angel said without a smile on her face . " You need to quit trippin ' and get the fuck outta my face ! I 'm about through with yo ' ass anyway ! " Angel snapped . " Bitch , who you think you talkin ' to ? " Donta snapped . Angel kept her eyes glued to the TV screen , watching the college basketball national championship game between the USC Trojans and the Duke Blue Devils . " Angel ! Bitch , you hear me ! Who the fuck you talkin ' to ? " Donta asked , on the verge of extreme agitation . He was now standing between Angel and the TV , blocking her view intentionally and pissing Angel off in the process . Donta screamed at the top of his lungs . Angel could see Donta was wound up now . There were rumors Donta snorted heroin . Looking at the subtle brown flakes in the corner of his nose , Angel knew the rumors were true . Donta was the kind of dude grown ass men were afraid of and every other bitch would have been shaking in his presence , especially with him being upset , high and unpredictable - that is , everyone except Angel , who was a self - proclaimed thug and stood behind her claim with both feet . When it comes down to it , Angel was really not someone to mess with . Angel was sick and tired of Donta 's shit - from the verbal abuse , to the rumors of infidelity and drug abuse - so whether or not he had just lost his brother , she was done with him ; and now seemed just as good a time as any to let him know she was through with him and ready for a change . She honestly didn 't care what he thought about it and surely didn 't give a damn about his feelings on the matter . The fuck she say that for ? Donta lost it then ! He threw the nineteen inch TV across the room and in one motion he turned and faced Angel . He reared back and savagely backhanded her across the face with such force it caused her nose to bleed instantly . Donta had reacted instinctively , but through his heroin - induced high , he somehow had a moment of clarity : he realized his actions and became immediately apologetic . " Baby , I 'm sorry ! I didn 't mean it ! " Donta had gone off on Angel in the past , but even through all of his rants and verbal abuse , this was the first time he had ever put his hands on her and he knew he had fucked up big time . When he saw Angel 's reaction , he knew this was a critical mistake . " Mothafucka ! ! ! Nigga , have you lost your motherfuckin ' mind ? ? ! ! No , Hallman , Koffi you didn 't just hit me ! Nigga , you have until I count to ten . I 'm getting my gun and if yo ' bitch ass is still here by then , I 'm gonna put some holes in your mothafuckin ' ass ! " Donta knew without a shadow of doubt , Angel was serious . Angel stormed past Donta and headed upstairs , counting out loud . By the time Angel got to five , Donta was pulling down the street of their Encino home . Angel let off two shots from the second floor bedroom window . The first shot hit the sunroof , while the second shot hit the rear windshield of his Mercedes S500 as he floored the powerful German automobile down the street , around the corner and out of sight . Angel proceeded to take a towel and ice from the freezer to stop the bleeding of her nose . Afterwards , she went into the living room and turned on the seventy - inch plasma HDTV on the wall to continue watching the game . Placing the chrome . 380 on the marble table , she picked up her cell phone and called her older brother , Adam Charles Evans , or ACE as everyone called him . He was a thug for real , who loved Angel with all his heart and since the death of their parents in a fatal car accident a year ago , the other was all each one had - and she was his heart ! Ace picked up on the second ring and after seeing the caller ID , was very cheerful when he said , " Hello ? What 's good , baby sis ? " " Oooh , calm down , brother , I put two slugs in his precious Benz , so he probably gonna come see you and try and get that shit fixed . " Pausing , Angel managed a little smile and a slight chuckle when she continued with , " Shit , I 'll bet he would have rather I put a slug in his ass instead of his other girlfriend ; his precious little car ! " She laughed again , a little harder this time and said , " Ace , promise me you won 't do anythin ' ! Don 't get me wrong : I 'm through with his punk ass , but you know how you get when it comes to me and I don 't need you doin ' extras and gettin ' into trouble " " Dang , girl , all right ! I won 't lay a finger on that nigga , you got my word . I won 't touch him ! Shit … you cookin ' ? " Ace asked , trying to change the subject . Angel quickly hung up the phone before Ace could respond . She was giggling to herself , thinking how pissed Ace must be as he hated to be hung up on . When he called back , she broke out into full laughter of the possible messages he would leave on her machine after she refused to answer the phone . Watching the second half of the game , Angel saw one of the greatest comebacks in NCAA history as the USC Trojans came from seventeen down at the half to winning by eleven , led by their All - American shooting guard , her " baby daddy " number twenty - one . He scored twenty - five second - half points for a game - high of thirty - five to go with fifteen assists , eleven rebounds and seven steals . He was given game and tournament MVP honors after leading the USC Trojans to back - to - back national titles , making himself all but a shoo - in to become the number one pick in the upcoming NBA draft lottery occurring in two months . The following excerpt is from a scene near the middle of Murder In Absentia . Felix finds himself on a ship attacked by pirates at night . This is one of my favourite scenes , for several reasons . First , I get to write a fight scene , and as Murder In Absentia is primarily a detective mystery there aren 't a lot of them . I have also done a lot of research into realistic sword fighting techniques , and I get to write one properly , which is always a good feeling . Second , is that as a writer I get to play with the tempo of the story . By carefully choosing words and crafting sentence lengths , I hope to evoke the feeling of urgency and breathlessness that occur within a fight . I will let you be the judge of the results . I woke up to urgent yells from heavy slumber . Not bothering with clothes , I grabbed my dagger and ran outside to the deck . A ship larger than ours was heading straight at us under power of oars . Their crew were silent , no drums to keep pace and no shouts . That they were pirates was evident from the vessel itself . A fast and decked bireme , its prow was painted with large blue eyes , slightly slanted to give a menacing look as they stared at us . Its sail was folded and the mast down , the pirates were ready for battle and boarding . A row of men stood at the railing , armed and ready with ropes and planks . Our crew was frantic , everybody suddenly awake after last night 's celebrations . Margaritus was yelling orders , the sailors were hoisting the anchor and going to the oars . Aulus Didius looked particularly dishevelled , not yet recovered from yesterday 's enchantments , and seemed unable to focus on the events storming around him . With two hundred paces between our ships and us barely moving , it was becoming obvious that they would gain on us and that we would have to fight if we wanted to escape capture . Margaritus had broken out the weapon stores , and the crew and divers each grabbed a tall oval shield and a short gladius , and braced on the side facing the pirate ship . I picked up a shield and grabbed the handle inside the shield 's boss with my left hand , though I elected to remain armed only with my trusty dagger . Margaritus yelled at the remaining crew to put up the sail with the hope that Didius Rufus could conjure sufficient winds , as the oarsmen armed themselves instead to prepare for boarding . I stared out across the dark waters watching the moonlit vessel closing in on us rapidly . At this distance I could make out the individual faces of the pirates and the murderous intent written on them . I wondered what mess I had gotten myself into and whether I would live to see the morning . With fifty paces to go , the pirates banked oars , grabbed ready bows and let a volley go . All of us in the front lines raised our shields and managed to absorb most of the volley . Only two of our men were hit , though from the quick look I cast in their direction the wounds seemed slight . Our ship did not have a means to return fire - it was not a navy vessel , and was designed for the specific operation of the divers . It relied on speed generated by its resident incantator , who unfortunately seemed in a state of battle shock like a green recruit . The lack of a proper night guard could only be blamed on Margaritus . Thirty paces to go , and another volley of arrows . This time one man fell down when an arrow that ricocheted from a shield lodged itself in his neck . The deck became slick with the blood spurting from his wound . Margaritus was shaking Didius Rufus by his shoulders , yelling in his face to get the wind up . Ten paces , and the pirates cast ropes with hooks onto our rails , dragging us closer . We dislodged the hooks and struck at the ropes , but within the space of a deep breath the pirate ship bumped into ours , shaking the deck under our feet . The two ships screeched like racing chariots colliding . The pirates were upon us . With wild cries they jumped from their ship onto our deck , swinging swords , axes , hooks and clubs . I braced my shield , and as the pirate who targeted me tried to land his curved sword in a neat arc from above straight on my head I took a step back , causing him to miss his mark and forcing him to stumble as he landed , and immediately with my full weight behind the shield I jumped and slammed into him , forcing him backwards and the boss of the shield knocking the wind from his lungs , yet still with his back against the ship 's rail he tried to raise his sword to protect himself , but I knocked it aside with my shield and plunged my knife deep into his chest . His eyes widened and a gurgling , rattling sound came from his throat as he lost balance and fell overboard , splashing into the waters in the space between our ships . In the country town of Murrumburrah , Charles and Georgina Power from Cootamundra were seated in the front pew of Saint Paul 's Church of England . This was for the marriage of their son Charles to Iris Anne Evelyn Wright . ( Iris 's mother had passed away several years before ) As the sun rose on that beautiful , crisp Saturday morning , no one realised that such a day of joy and hope would be marred in only three more years by sadness and loss . Events developing in Europe would have such a devastating effect on the newlyweds . As the wedding party gathered at the little church , all these other matters were far away from everyone 's thoughts . Today was a day of hope and joy ! The church , on the top of the hill at Murrumburrah , was bursting at the seams . The family had gathered in this picturesque town from throughout the Cootamundra District , and far away . Uncles , aunts , cousins , brothers and sisters , they were all there . As he was waiting at the altar with his elder brother , Edward ( who was his best man ) for his bride to arrive , Charles looked around at the seated congregation . In the right front row could see his father Charles senior and mother Georgina at either end of the front right pew . Between them were his younger siblings Wallace , Leslie , Austin , Phyllis , and Thomas . Immediately behind them were his other siblings William , James , Thomas , and Georgina . His thoughts returned with the arrival of the bridal party . The bride looked radiant ! She was followed by the bridal party , comprising Albert Wright , 26 ( standing in for Iris 's father ) Mary Anne Kingston ( Matron of Honor ) , and Alice Power ( bridesmaid ) . The wedding must have had some effect on Albert because ; within two years , the young police constable himself would marry his sweetheart , Ellen O ' Brien . The wedding breakfast was a jovial affair with the younger children playing and getting into all sorts of mischief . Most of the younger cousins enjoyed the time together while ; the older boys gathered around and seem to see who could drink the most . The older girls had all helped with the food , and it would be true to say that the feast was one that will be remembered for some time . Charles and Iris made the perfect couple and in so many of their laid back ways they signified the hope of a new nation . Australia was only eleven years old as a nation . Earlier that year , the site procured for the new Australian Federal House of Parliament a few short miles away to the east in a paddock called , Canberra . The Power family were genuine pioneers of the district . Private Thomas Power ( son of William Power and Honor O ' Donnell ) was born about 1805 in Ireland . He married Isabella Hastie on the 19th of Sep 1828 in Manchester , England . He was a member of the 1st / 50th ( West Kent ) Regiment , Queens own of foot . Along with his wife ( Isabella ) and infant daughter ( Jane ) , he sailed to Sydney aboard the convict ship Hooghly . Shortly after arrival ( the 18th of November ) at Port Jackson they departed ( the 5th of December ) for Norfolk Island to take up his new post . They returned to Sydney on completion of the posting and raised their family before eventually settling in the Cooma area . Their son Edward John Power was born in 1837 in Sydney . He married Mary Ann Chalker ( daughter of Joseph Henry Chalker and Eleanor " Ellen " Kelly ) in 1858 in Queanbeyan . He died in 1876 in Adaminaby . Robert Coleman - Wright was born on 2nd January 1824 in Bristall , Leicestershire , England . He married Elizabeth Bennett on 17th June 1850 in Adelaide . Elizabeth had been born on 1st February 1830 in Uxbridge , Middlesex England . She died on 20th September 1916 at Essendon . Victoria ; He died in 1893 at Talbot Victoria . Gilbert Wright was born in 1857 in Amherst Victoria . He married Annie Case ( daughter of Henry James Case and Helen Abdy ) in 1886 in Junee . She was born on 10th Mar 1869 in Queanbeyan . She died on the 11th of November 1899 in Junee . Gilbert died at Lake Cargellico , on the 30th October 1933 . " Charles Power , jun . , was charged with being drunk in Parker . St . on February 6th , 1916 , in Cootamundra Court . He was also charged with assaulting Constable Burgess while in the execution of his duty . Mr . McMahon appeared for defendant . Charles Power , jun . , deposed : " I was in town on 6th inst . Constable Stuart did not speak to me that evening before I was arrested ; I saw ' Constable Cusack arresting a man ; ' ' I was standing at the hotel door when Constable Burgess caught hold of my hand , and - said , - ' You come along with me too ' ; I asked why ? And he said , ' You , are drunk ' ; while coming along he twisted my arm behind my back ; I tried to pull away ; 1 did not strike Constable Burgess ; his head bumped my hand ; I did not kick at the ' constable while we were on the ground ; Constable Cusack came and cuffed me ; I had been talking business to Jack Clarkson for some time , and after that to two ladies . " The immediate trigger for war was the 28th of June 1914 assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria , heir to the throne of Austria - Hungary , by Yugoslav nationalist Gavrilo Princip in Sarajevo . This set off a diplomatic crisis when Austria - Hungary delivered an ultimatum to the Kingdom of Serbia , and international alliances formed over the previous decades were invoked . Within weeks , the major powers were at war and the conflict soon spread around the world . On the 4th August , Great Britain declared war on Germany . Australia pledged a force of twenty thousand to be placed at Britain 's disposal . Prime Minister Andrew Fisher , declared that Australia would support Great Britain in the war against Germany ' . . . . to the last man and the last shilling . Austin Schofield was the first family member to answer the call . On Thursday the 17th of June 1915 , Austin made his way to Liverpool to enlist ( at this stage there were no facilities to join the forces outside the capital cities ) . He was assigned to the 8th reinforcement company of the 2nd Battalion A . I . F . Dear Sir , I am sorry , but I must object about my son Austin Power being in camp on active service as he is under the age of eighteen . He was seventeen last August , and I don 't see how the doctor passed him as he is a cripal ( sic ) in one foot - through burns when a child and has been treated for a ? ? ? ? ? ? and has been under a doctor for the last two years for a weak heart . I know that every boy should go that is of age and I have one son gone and a son - in - law , a brother and two nephews so I want you to give Austin his discharge and if you would oblige and don 't tell him that I objected as he would be very much upset . Just tell him that he is not fit for the army as I am sure he is not and I must object to him going until he is eighteen . You will oblige . It is interesting to note that during that period ; the army did not ask for date of birth . Instead , all they asked was his age and where he was born . By 1917 this had changed and on the enlistment papers a new line , asking for date of birth , was added . On the 7th of October , the army discharged him , and he returned to Cootamundra . As he had left his job , he had to find new employment . His family left Cootamundra in 1917 and moved to Marrickville and Austin became a glassworker in the local area . William Power completed his basic training at Liverpool before he joined His Majesties Troop Ship A8 Argyllshire . It set sail for Egypt on the last day of September . Arthur Schofield had already left eight weeks prior on the HMAT A54 Runic . They were specially outfitted by the government to meet their new wartime role . This included increased numbers of berths ; often in cargo holds . Conditions on board were cramped , to say the least . The lower decks were hurriedly fitted out with mess tables and hammocks and resembled large overcrowded barrack rooms . Their quarters were all the way forward in the first hold . Having to sleep in hammocks William was pleasantly surprised to find they were very comfortable . It was his first experience of a hammock as it was with most of his comrades . She asked the driver to turn around . Her cabbie could not drive fast enough to suit her . When she walked through the lobby of the Cinema 18 , everyone was buzzing . She ran toward the crime scene but authorities had closed the hallway where she had been attacked . Her superhero had vanished . Too late . Now what ? Brandi 's hands were still shaking . Her palm felt cold against her forehead . Then , deep in thought , she was startled to hear a raspy male voice behind her . She turned around . Her stomach , still in knots , leaped into her throat . His chiseled face was handsome in a home - on - the - range sort of way . His sculpted cheeks were partially masked by a rough - hewn beard - the obvious cover - up for scars visible through his whiskers . His nose had been broken at least once . This guy had been in some fights . The Pirates cap he had worn earlier was now in his back pocket and his sandy blond hair wet around the sides . Did he know that his shirt had turned pink on the front ? The blood spatters had faded together , partially washed off by heavy rains . Was she face - to - face with a superhero ? He was not as tall as she remembered . His fiery eyes that could have intimidated Lucifer earlier were now softer , like quiet blue waters . He offered his hand , but his shallow , forced smile told her he was not certain how she would respond . Was his shyness just an act ? Whew ! His extended hand was attached to a massive forearm . His neck was wide and muscular , his body built to last , rough - cut from head to toe - a description that would make good print in her eyewitness report for the Gazette . She extended her hand . It was cold and unsteady . Would he notice ? His handshake was warm , ardent , but gentle - the same paw that had just mauled three professional tough guys . She tried to swallow her stomach back down into place but her mouth was too dry . They live among us . We know they are there . No government can control them ; no authority can stop them . Some are evil . Some are good . All are powerful . They inhabit our myths and fairy tales . But what if they were real , the witches , wizards , and fairy godmothers ? What if they were called " adepts " and used talismans to increase their power ? The most powerful talisman in the world is The Hammer of Thor and Hitler stole it from its rightful owners , the Valkyrie . When American adept Francis Kader is reluctantly drawn into the effort to retrieve the Hammer from the Nazis , he begins a journey that leads him to a confrontation with Thor himself . Can a mere human hope to defeat an immortal god ? After rescuing the kidnapped village girls , Brody has been hailed a hero by the people of Pemba . In thanks for his bravery and leadership with their safe return , he 's presented with an old wooden sailing dhow . Back to living the dream on the island , Brody 's days are filled with sailing the coastline , diving , fishing and enjoying life to the fullest … that is until his life is turned upside down once again … When diving one day , Brody finds himself fighting for his life against a school of sharks . Narrowly escaping death while trapped in an underwater cave , he discovers the hilt from a sword . After some investigation , he realizes this is part of a larger haul , so the hunt is on ! But the Kaya Bombo - a radical Islamic group - also have their eyes on the prize . They want the treasure to return the island to Sharia law and will not let anyone or anything get in their way . This little girl was walking down a white dirt farm road one day in June 1954 . Her slender shadow was just twice her height . And it crossed the road in a westerly direction , reaching out nearly to the irrigation ditch that ran alongside . A single thick braid was bouncing up and down on her back . The braid was stiff and damp , for the little girl had just been swimming at the big Vanducci house on the hill . Plomp , plomp , plomp went her bare brown feet in the warm soft dirt , little puffs of dust blowing up in her track to settle slowly in the windless air . Cradled in her long skinny arms she had a big nervous fighting cock with beady eyes . She 'd found him by the side of the road just a moment before . And she was very happy to have met him there , for she 'd had no idea that he had escaped from his pen in her mama 's backyard . The cock was brown and gold and purple . His feathers shone in the sun . He turned his head all the time , fast and jerky from side to side . Her eyes were like the bird 's eyes , black and darting . She turned her head like him too , looking everywhere . Surrounding her were vast fields of alfalfa , tomatoes , and sugar beets , cut through with irrigation canals and county roads , sliced like adobe cakes into gigantic squares . The valley was green where it was planted , brown where it was fallow , and wide : fifty miles from the yellow Diablo Range , which rose up directly behind her , to the blue Sierras on the horizon . Lengthwise its dimensions were beyond her imagination : five hundred miles from Red Bluff in the north to Bakersfield in the south . Shannon Reber : I 'll be in the middle of writing this glorious scene and realize I have no food in the house ! Life . I am an albino , legally blind because of it . I grew up believing I was nothing . So I wrote to make myself feel like . . . " This the best website out there for authors to showcase their work . The interview section was fantastic . I sold two books immediately . It is very hard for an author to write a book . Then the publishing company wants additional money to help you promote it . Your website has given me . . . All Brags " I have been very pleased with your professional services . It is easy to add a book or create a classified ad - your forms and instructions are thorough and your system works flawlessly . You post the books in a very timely manner and the display looks lovely and professional . I am . . . All Brags " I wanted to write a few things to show my appreciation for Lenka 's List . This site is a wonderful site for authors to get the exposure they need . I think it 's an exceptional forum for everyone who has a story to tell in a book format . I love this site . " " Any opportunity to promote and find out about new authors / books is valuable . This new site is visually attractive and helps me connect . Thanks so much for putting it together , Lenka ! " " Since the day I came across Lenka 's List on social media , I 've become a huge fan of Lenka , John and their amazing website . Lenka 's List gives authors ( particularly ' indie ' authors ) a channel to promote their books . The range of authors and writing genres promoted on the site is enviable and . . . All Brags " I absolutely recommend Lenka 's List . As an author , it is a fabulous resource . I have my books listed there , as well as an author interview for potential readers who would like to get to know me better . As a reader , the site is extremely easy to use with multiple ways . . . All Brags " Hey readers and authors alike visit Lenka 's List . What a great website . If you 're looking for a great read or just want to know more about your favorite author , visit Lenka 's List , it 's all there . I love the site . " " There are a plethora of writing and writers ' websites out there , but Lenka 's List stands out for one simple fact - its simplicity . The site has a clean , clear and concise appearance . It 's not cluttered and is easily navigated , and offers some great contacts , for both books to read , and . . . All Brags " I stumbled upon Lenka 's List purely by chance and was then invited to add my debut novel to the website . It was quick and easy to do and almost instantaneous . Lenka and Co are extremely efficient . As a new author who self publishes , finding websites that help you advertise is . . . All Brags " Lenka 's List does an excellent job of promoting an author 's work . The submission process is a breeze . The end result is a tastefully displayed book page where potential readers can learn about the author and his or her books . I highly recommend this site to authors and readers alike . " All Brags " Lenka 's List is like a giant coffee house for authors and all their professional relatives - the editors , proofreaders , publicists and book designers . It 's huge , it 's well organized , and it 's clearly a labour of love . Lenka harnesses the power of the internet to create a home for writers and readers . . . All Brags " Lenka 's List is like a massive box of assorted biscuits / cookies . There are so many delicacies to nibble . My favourites are the Sci - Fi ones with the gooey centres . I particularly like this book website because Lenka & John have brought together such a wide variety of books and allowed authors to . . . All Brags " What Craig 's List is to consumers Lenka 's List is to writers . It showcases authors and their books , as well as a host of other bon bons for bibliophiles . There are insightful interviews , entertaining reviews and a host of information for those interested in all matters literary . The eponymous Lenka spreads . . . All Brags " When I contacted Lenka about her Classifieds I had only just expanded my editing services from part - time to augment my ' real ' job to full time to facilitate my family 's continued eating , after my boss retired . She was kindness personified , and it seemed to come naturally to her . Now , I am . . . All Brags " The only thing better than a visionary who can creatively transform a dream into a reality , is a visionary with genuine empathy for the aspirations of others . Lenka provides not only an invaluable service to authors but also to readers . Lenka 's List should be on everyone 's list to visit regularly . " " Lenka 's List is a valuable website for authors . For promotion , exposure , and networking . It has provided an avenue for me to expose my services to more authors . I know the work involved in maintaining such a site , and business aside , I admire the way Lenka communicates with the site 's clients . . . . All Brags " I have been approached by many other book promoting services but Lenka 's List felt like the best option . lenkaslist . com is one of the best book promotion websites around and I highly recommend them . They are very patient with you and will also allow you to blog with them which can . . . All Brags " Many websites showcase new and talented Authors , but not like Lenka 's List ! Her robust site gives the reader insight to each author , with interviews , titles and social media links to follow . Her interview is one of the best , with thoughtful and poignant questions providing insight to the creative forces which . . . All Brags " Lenka 's List has been a true source of marketing and advertisement for self - published authors of ALL genres . The interview section is an excellent tool to show who you are as an author . I am appreciative of being able to list all of my children 's books on this site . You can . . . All Brags " Lenka Lee is dedicated to supporting authors in areas of writing and publishing . Her website stands out among other similar websites because she is truly interested in helping you ; the writer or author . Lenkaslist . com offers a user friendly atmosphere . Lenka Lee adds a personal touch to the website through her . . . All Brags " Let me tell you , ever since I " discovered " Lenka 's List , I 've been " braggin ' " about it ( and her ) to every writer I know . For most of us Indie authors hankering to get " discovered " , Lenka 's List is the light at the end of the tunnel . At least it has been for me . Her website was / is . . . All Brags " There are hundreds of websites out there that offer a place where authors can promote their work , find new readers , market , etc . Most are time consuming , complicated , and take authors away from what should be their primary focus - writing . Lenka 's List provides an uncomplicated and painless alternative to those complex websites . . . . All Brags " I am very honored to have been interviewed by Lenka Lee . The questions she asked were intelligent , and thought provoking . Lenka 's List is an excellent web site for authors , bloggers , and readers to connect and help each other . Authors can request reviews from bloggers and readers can discover new Indie . . . All Brags Lenka 's List is one of the most supportive websites toward authors . Although a newer site , it surpasses any in terms of exposure and innovation . The author is truly respected and promoted well . I know the founder and co - founder of Lenka 's List . They are both creative people , writers themselves and dedicated . . . All Brags " Congratulations to Lenka 's List for creating a comprehensive and enticing showcase for authors . In a world where marketing sites at times fail to live up to expectations , Lenka goes above and beyond . She presents her cadre of authors in various lights , and not simply the one dementional look as a . . . All Brags " Writing is a doddle compared to the daunting challenge that is social media . I had no idea about websites supporting writers until Lenka found me and invited me on to her list . I owe her a huge debt of thanks , and I 'd certainly recommend her to any newbie indie writer . . . All Brags " I love how Lenka 's List supports authors and artists . They are fast , friendly , and easy to work with , and finding sites where I can help spread the word about my book always makes me smile . Thank for all you do ! " The Benefits of a fitbitAre you fit ? Even a little bit , if not a lot ? Are you keeping the middle - age fat monster at bay ? The bad animal who climbed , uninvited , into your cells to slow your metabolism ? The fink ! . . . COVER REVEAL of LOVE : A TANGLED KNOTIf you know Eichin Chang - Lim , then you 've probably seen her books Tough Scratches published by Tate Publishing . It was a blessing that Eichin ended her contract with them before the Tate fiasco happened . So now , . . . Your Daily DrinkDo you ever feel tired or unmotivated ? It turns out that Jesus offers a very simple solution to this common problem . He instructs us to simply come to Him and drink . Now on the last . . . Selling Out ! Selling Out ! Music has , and always will be a big part of my life . My singing and lyric writing have been at the forefront for a long time . I love all styles of writing , my . . . |
Tonight 's exercises were designed to teach us how to handle our dog when we needed to be more directive than usual . Usually in nosework , the dog takes the lead and we follow them around . Yet , as we advance in levels , there will be times when we should help or direct the dog more - especially when the dog gets stuck or is having difficulty . Dorothy designed these exercises to address that possibility , so we could practice the mechanics before we are caught - as she was - trying to do it on the fly , at a trial . It also gives the dogs an opportunity to experience this style of handling from us , when they are not facing the excitement of a trial setting . Another plus , Dorothy explained the exercises so well that we all knew right away what to do and what to look for . The first exercise was to bring the dog into the big room , give a search cue and turn them loose , but there would be no odor out . Our task was to simply observe what the dog looked like when they were not getting any odor . Then as we were finishing that , Dorothy set odor in the entry alcove . We were to gather up our dogs and start a new search with the entry , so the dogs got to end with a hide . She said you can create a problem if you do too many searches of clear areas , so its best to always immediately follow them with a search where there is easy odor to be found . Gimme did pretty much the same as the other dogs . She made a stab at searching in this big clear area , but without the intensity she shows when she can smell odor . I only heard her chuffing noise once . Like the other dogs , Gimme was also more readily attracted to distractions . She didn 't obsess over them and went back to looking , but it was still more than usual . When we went into the alcove , she was intense again - clearly knew there was odor there and went right to it . The next exercise was also in the big room , but staying on leash and keeping a somewhat shorter than normal leash . We were to move them around the room perimeter in a clockwise direction . As we got to the far end of the room , Dorothy set odor on a chair at the front . Our task , in addition to working the dog with less line , in a more directive fashion , was to note how their manner changes when they got that drift of odor . Then as we were at the odor on the chair , another hide was set on an easel we 'd already passed . What I saw in Gimme was that she went around the room kinda looking , because I 'd cued her to . . . her attitude said , " La la la la lah . . . La la lah . . . " And as she caught the drift of odor , her intensity changed , as if she said , " La la la la lah . . . La l . . . Hey , what 's that . . . " She picked up the pace too . Then as we continued back around the room , I could see she didn 't expect to find anything , because she 'd been through that area twice without finding anything . She almost went right by the easel , but then snapped back to it . Our final exercises were done outside . Dorothy delineated a big fat " L " shape with cones . Our task was to move the dog around the perimeter inside the cones , in a counter - clockwise direction and as we got to the far corner from the start , a hide was set in a crack on a curb . Then as we were moving up on that , another was set on a metal door at about nose level for Gimme , again at the far end of where we were . So we got a chance to move around , with the dog on our right side this time , as well as observing how they dealt with this artificial boundery . Three of the five dogs moved downwind of the odor on the curb , but then when they did , they couldn 't find the hide from there . Hard to say what the breeze was doing . If they passed odor we did an about turn ( kinda like an agility front cross ) to take them back by it . These were very valuable handling exercises . Gimme has always been so frustrated in nosework by any shorter leash work and frustration is her Achilles heel , so I never would have tried it myself . I think it worked to our advantage that she 's still tired from her big Barn Hunt weekend . She was still eager to work each time , but I could tell she was kinda tired . Our last search was to do the same area , in much the same way ( more directive handling ) , but the two hides were out the whole time and in more " usual " places . This turned out to be another example of how the dog 's expectations affected their searching . . . they all went directly to these two hides . Much like they tend to go to a chair set against a wall all by itself . So class was really neat and fun . I like having exercises that are targeted toward a specific thing to learn and I left knowing I learned a lot . I also like a running commentary that tells me what I 'm doing right as well as what to do better ( who doesn 't , eh ) . And I sure like the nice things said about Gimme 's working style , drive and persistence , talent and recognition of her odor obedience . What 's not to like . . . We spent the weekend in Damascus , Oregon for our first Barn Hunt trial . It was a lot of fun and Gimme is clearly a natural talent . Me not so much . Then I watched ten searches in the Novice class , of which only 2 qualified . Six failures were false alerts to the litter - tube and two teams went over time . I was determined we would not be one of those . It was just starting to dawn on me , perhaps this isn 't as easy as I thought . Gimme and I went in for our novice run , she did the tunnel , quickly alerted and then left it . She never left a rat - tube before , so I concluded it was a litter - tube . She scanned the ring and went back to the same tube . . . as I congratulated myself for being too smart to fall for an alert on the litter - tube . She left it again , scanned the ring again , and went back to the same tube AGAIN ! Still I didn 't call it , practically thumping my chest in smugness and encouraged her to search an area she hadn 't gone near . As she was dutifully following my dopey directions , the judge called " time " . When I asked him where the rat tube was , he said sweetly , " Right there , where she indicated three times . " Ooooooops . How can this be ? My dog is brilliant and I 'm relatively competent . . . Why did I miss her indications and why did she leave the rat for the first time ? I believe my problem was letting what other people were doing ( or not doing ) affect how I worked my dog AND not trusting - my - dog . When talking about the workshop I commented how focused Gimme was when around rats and how I ceased to exist . I believe the reason she left the rat - tube was because she sensed my new uncertainty , even if she didn 't actually listen to me , and it affected her performance . I was very nervous going into the ring for the afternoon trial . Gimme alerted quickly on a tube and just as quickly left it . She scanned the ring a couple times and alerted on another tube , leaving it very quickly . When she came back to the first tube , I thought " What have I got to lose " , so I called " Rat ! " and it was . I spent the rest of the time getting her to focus on me enough to do the tunnel . We finished just barely in time at 1 : 55 . 19 ( with a 2 minute limit ) . Talk about cutting it close ! At night Candy called my hotel and we discussed a plan for the next day . . . I realized I needed to really commit to trusting Gimme and see what happened . One of the issues I had concerns about was not having any treats available after a run . Because of the way things are set up , I didn 't want to go back behind the blind to return to my car and since I left my treat pouch there , I had none with me to reward her efforts . So I also decided to preposition a peanut butter cookie outside the door I was using to leave . She likes them almost as much as peanut butter itself . Today we started with another Instinct test . Gimme sniffed the tubes and left them . I called her back to the tubes a couple times encouraging her to " find the vermin " . The tubes are really close together , so without her original focus and intensity , it was hard to tell which one she was most interested in . I decided it was the middle tube and called it . She was right . . . I celebrated enthusiastically with her while getting her dressed again ( the dogs run naked ) and we rushed out the door to discover a peanut butter cookie . Who knew ! I was glad to have been right in my interpretation of her efforts , but also concerned because I knew how much slower she was than the first day . It was 35 . 47 seconds versus 12 . 62 seconds - almost three times longer . I tormented myself , agonizing about the possibility I 'd taught her - sometimes the rat is not the rat . . . After the briefing I rushed to get her for another potty walk and ran back to the ring with her . We went in and she very quickly alerted on a tube and would not leave it . I called it and she was right . Then I got Gimme to climb and do the tunnel . Our time in the ring was only 39 . 72 seconds ! She shaved 66 % off our time from the day before . As soon as I had her dressed , Gimme dragged me outside to her cookie . I was elated - we seemed to be headed in the right direction . This afternoon I followed the same plan and we were done in 31 . 37 seconds ! Which shaved 20 % off the morning time . So we finished her Novice title annnnnnndddd it turns out we got FIRST PLACE . Gimme thoroughly enjoyed her peanut butter cookie , as well as two more when we got to the car . I am so proud of my girl . She did so well and showed she still has the instincts to keep a stable clear of vermin . She is going to love it when we trial in Open and she gets to find more than one rat . It was a very good trial , even though we didn 't title . We got 7 out of 8 hides , thus the subject for this entry . The trial site layout was really nice and the hosts were very good . Only 4 dogs out of 34 titled ( 12 % ) . I didn 't really think we were ready so soon after our holiday training vacation , so I 'm happy it went this well . I started the day doing a container drill at a local post office . I also set up three hides on some mail trucks . I like this and when we do it , I notice she gets right down to business on the first search of the day . We had two rooms , the first room , the hide was under a table leg . Gimme found it fast ( 24 . 37 secs ) . The second room had two hides , one six feet in along the wall on a hinge , close to the floor . The other was in a stapler on a desk along the opposite wall . Gimme found it really quickly . She kept going back to investigate a group of desks nearby , going around and around them , checking up on the desks and the chairs below . She 'd gone through the rest of the room , so I just believed she was onto something . The picture below roughly represents the room . The triangle low and on the right side is the doorway . The black are all big desks or tables . The orange are children 's desks , with the " x " at the top where the stapler was . The green are wall cabinets , with " x " for odor on hinge . I 've drawn the swirling area where she got caught up . Her searching pattern is pretty classic for a converging odor vortex and I should have recognized it and drawn her out of it . I also failed to notice the air current from ceiling vents , which complicated the search . My bad . The judge 's comment was " Very good job moving dog on from found odor . " I think she is referring to when Gimme goes back to where she 'd already found a hide . I always just repeat " Thank you . Find me another one . " Gimme knows what it means and moves away on her own . The judge commented in her debrief , while most people took time at the start line to let their dog scent in front of them , she noticed those who didn 't wait for their dog to scan in both directions were more likely to miss the threshold hide on the cabinet . Usually the dogs tend to scan left and right taking in the area ahead of them . Gimme did turn right into the room and likely rounded the corner when she came through the area of the second hide going counter - clockwise around the room . Also she does tend to search high more than low , especially if I haven 't worked a lot of low hides . This search was a pretty big area , including a wall and part of a driveway along one side and then moving out into a picnic area of about 10 tables in a pavilion , with a couple trash cans . The start cones were set up on the near end of the wall . In starting , even though I had us in between the cones , Gimme stepped to the left of the cone . The rules say they have to pass through the cones to start , so I swung her around and through them ( taking up probably 5 seconds ) . I was told by several people she might be faulted anyway , but she wasn 't . I think the reason she stepped left was because the hide was along the bottom edge of the wall , so she was going direct to odor and when I swung her around I was actually pulling her away from odor ! I 'm lucky she didn 't get too frustrated and refuse to work for me . The second hide was on a joint on one picnic table . Gimme was all over the table as soon as she got close to it , even jumping up on it . She worked the hide well and indicated dead on odor . We got both hides in 57 . 35 seconds . Judge 's comment : " Good Job ! " NOTE TO SELF : Line the dog up centered between the cones ( not self ) . Make sure line is short enough so the dog can only go forward through the cones . Vehicles There were four vehicles , set up as shown in the picture . One small motor home ( dark pink ) , two SUVs ( green & blue ) and one small trailer ( orange ) . The grey shows brick buildings and the red cones and line is the start . The two SUVs were nosed in facing each other and odor was behind the license plates on both , about 3 feet apart . Hides this close really isn 't too hard for the dogs , but its a total psych - out for the handlers . Gimme found the license plate on blue SUV very quickly , but then spent a lot of time on the other end of the green SUV . She also briefly checked out the trailer and the far side of the motor home . She checked the end of the motor home and the side nearest the green SUV . The breeze was blowing from blue toward green and was probably swirling toward the motorhome because of the walls . Gimme came back to the hide on the blue SUV twice . Then she finally came back between them and searched all over the front of the green SUV , settling on the license plate and gave me her alert again . I fell for the psyche out , but when her paw came up and I got the look , I had no choice , I had to " trust your dog " and called alert . The judge said , " You already got this hide " . Then she went on to say she 'd seen me pull her away from the other hide on the other license plate three times . To which I said , I thought the other was the one we 'd alerted to first , thus why I 'd cued her to find another hide . Fortunately they video tape all runs , so she was able to check the tape and verify we were correct . Gimme got this challenging search in 1 : 56 minutes . We had a laugh when I said , " Gimme often proves herself to be smarter than me and now she 's shown she is smarter than a judge . Welcome to my world . " Judge 's comment on the sheet : " Great Work ! " She was very apologetic for the mix up . . . Another funny was , when she went to check the video , the judge instructed me to move myself and Gimme to a specific place so we weren 't standing in odor and not working . So the stewards from the next search ( possibly thinking I was confused and leaving the area ) were calling me , " No Carla , come this way for containers . We 're ready for you . " And I yelled back , " I can 't . I 'm following instructions , for once . " Everyone there who knows me laughed a LOT . Gimme did earn a fault for putting her feet up on the door of the motor home . Dogs can put their feet on bumpers , running boards and tires , but not on painted surfaces . Hides will never be placed in a way which encourages the dogs to go up on the sides of vehicles , still odor can climb a surface based on air current and a dog might chase it up the side of the vehicle . And of course , she is allowed to put her feet up on desks , desks , cabinets and walls in other searches as needed . This is something we 'll have to work on , but I 'm still puzzling through how to make the various okay versus not - okay distinctions for her . Containers There were 26 containers of various types and 9 boxes , set in a sort of spiral out from the center . Gimme quickly moved along the right side of the spiral , giving an extra sniff to a floral patterned box . Then she quickly moved along the far side of the spiral , doing an impressive snap back , followed by intense sniffing on another box , which she left on her own as I moved past it . Right next to it she got serious and alerted on the handle of a bag laying flat on the floor . She did this in 19 . 93 seconds . Judge 's comment : " Yay for you ! " We found out during the debrief that the floral box contained two tennis balls . Gimme likes to chase balls , but she 's not a maniac about it . The other box contained a muffin with peanut butter on it . That 's the one Gimme left when I moved by it . She 's the best ! I thought she was too vigorous with her paw on the bag , but we did not get faulted . Still its not the behavior I want . I remembered to move her out from the search area , so she wouldn 't be attracted to any boxes in case she had an urge to demolish something . I was very happy with Gimme 's efforts all day . She worked intently and with focus and going right to odor every time she could . There was none of her recent tendency to indicate " close enough " to odor , without getting to source ( which has been happening a lot since the inaccessible hides seminar ) . I have finally decided how I want to train this issue ; I 'll use differential reinforcement , which is a concept Gimme understands . In training I 'll set up an inaccessible hide and when she indicates what I consider only " close enough " she will be rewarded with cheese . Then I 'll show her exactly where odor is and reward as close as she can get . Then we 'll leave and re - enter the search area and when / if she goes and really tries to get to source , then she 'll get the good stuff , either pork or peanut butter . She 's a real smarty and I 'm sure she 'll figure out how to get the good stuff . The other thing I was very happy with was her paw indicators . They were all very nice , except the one on the container search and even so , it was not bad enough to earn a fault . I did notice Gimme did something new for the warm up boxes . The first indication would include a scratch on the box , but then as I stood there , she 'd stand beside the box and reach out to the side and tap the box with her paw , asking for more goodies . I 'd repeatedly give her treats for the taps . . . probably 25 taps over the course of the day . This tells me she is really starting to understand what I want and is trying to give it to me . In the heat of the moment , she may do an indication which is too vigorous , but she 's really trying and making substantial improvement . LATE BREAKING : The bodywork session went very well . Tonya was surprised , but all the corrections from last week held . She did mostly energy work today . Posted by We got to see Tonya on Tuesday . Gimme really needed the session . Her usual spot mid - back was really bad this time . Tonya corrected it twice and both times it immediately popped out again . So she did some energy work there , corrected it , did energy work again and then it stayed in . She was also locked up at the very top of her neck where it attaches to her skull ( probably why she was popping out of and avoiding the weaves ) . She totally didn 't want Tonya working on her neck - not even cooperating with peanut butter at her nose . Once we got it corrected ( I say we , because I had to restrain her so Tonya could do it ) then she was much happier . She also had the first joint of her tail locked up . When I took her walking yesterday , she just ran and ran and ran and ran . Like the wind she ran . I was really beating myself up for not having noticing how " off " she was . Then it occurred to me , I was attributing all her changed behavior to the false pregnancy . So , I 've decided to simply schedule the treatments regularly , like every 4 - 6 weeks . . . and hopefully it will be more preventative in nature . As it is , Tonya wants to see her twice more over the next two weeks . She had me jump her at a lower jump height last night and instructed me to see how she did with the weaves and then make a decision . At class she was a dog with a mission . She wanted to run and run and run and run . It took a bit for her to settle down and work , but once she did , it was all great stuff . She did fly off the a - frame for the first time in her life , " Look Mom , I fly . . . " The only problem we are really having is with the tire jump . The last time I thought it was the proximity to the wall , but last night it was in the middle of the course and she still had a problem . We don 't have class next week , but I 'll be meeting Chris for fitness . So I 'll take Gimme and do a practice with her , doing lots of tires . I think it just looks different to her and she 's got it in her head to run under it instead . We had two different exercises for class . The first was set up in the front of the training area as an interior search ( cordoned off with expens and sheets from the rest of the room ) . There were 3 hides , one of which was supposed to be hard . Dorothy said based on the prior class , two of the hides had been hard . Gimme didn 't find any of them hard . The first she found was under the pedal of the trash can . It was funny when she hit the pedal with her paw and the trash can lid flipped up . She startled and stepped back . Then boldly bapped the pedal again . Glad I don 't have any of those trash cans at home or Gimme would always be playing with it . On the other hand , Candy and I came up with a cute trick for RallyFrEe - where you have a small flip top trash can set up for your free choice exercise - the handler pretends to wipe her brow with a kleenex , gives it to the dog and who then takes it over , steps on the pedal and drops the kleenex in the trash . Just us being silly . The second hide was in a small box on the shelf . Gimme found it readily . The third was in a cap on the end of the rod for a contraption they had expens stored on ( vaguely like a bicycle rack ) . Many dogs apparently found it challenging because it was about 3 feet high and they only had the expens to put their feet on . Gimme didn 't mind it at all , but it did take her a little time to get into the corner . I was pleased with her efforts . Then we did the other exercise , which was 26 boxes and egg cartons and 6 black plastic flower pots ( like the kind you get with large plants from the nursery ) in four rows . We did three searches . The first search 1 hide , the second 2 hides , and the third 3 hides . The first search Gimme did a pretty reasonable indication on the box . The second search her first hide she did well ( egg carton ) , the second one the box was flimsy and the top crushed in when she put her paw on it , which set her off . For the third round , she just went into box - killing mode . I don 't consider this a valid test of where she is at with her indicator . For one thing , its unlikely she 'd run into a test with mostly boxes at NW2 level - its possible , just not likely . Usually there has been quite a mix of different types of items . Second , any boxes they used would never be flimsy - it has to withstand the action of up to 40 dogs , so it 'll be more sturdy . And third , we won 't keep going back and doing it again and again , getting her more and more excited . Today I set up a two exterior hides outside my store and then worked for 3 . 5 hours . When I came out I set up containers ( 9 bags and 3 boxes ) , putting one hide in a box and the other in a bag . I had her PB tube in another bag right next to the odor bag . After her potty break we did the exterior search and she found both of them much faster than I expected . They were in between two walls forming an L shape - one on the AC unit and the other on the ground behind the edge of a step . I didn 't think there would be much airflow , so expected her to take her time . Not so - I didn 't time her , but it was under a minute for both . For the container drill she bypassed both hides as she scanned the twelve containers . Then she came back and snooped around the food distraction bag , but left it when I kept moving and immediately alerted on the odor bag next to it . Then went down the row and quickly found the odor box , she stepped on it and it " gave " under her foot , but she didn 't paw . I rewarded her a LOT and should have walked her directly away from the search area . Unfortunately I didn 't and when I passed by a box , she decided to trash it . I don 't know if it was the idea of having another box . . . or because I gave her so many treats for her calm indication of the box . So clearly a lesson learned for the trial - once I 've got our containers , leave the search area without passing by any boxes . In any case . I think the container exercise in class worked against us , because we ended with worse behavior than we started with . I 'm guessing this will be the case for awhile . Class exercises are not set up for our individual training , its the whole one - size - fits - all mentality . So I 've concluded , in some ways , classes will sometimes work against my goals for her indicator . Which simply tells me , I have to work harder at it outside of class to compensate . When I do 150 good repetitions over two days in our training , it will overcome 4 bad repetitions in class . Not an ideal way to train , but it is what it is and I 'm sure we 'll get to what I want in time . BTW the last search in class was to simply to do the expen holder again , but paired . Gimme found it instantly . She didn 't need it paired , but it was nice to work a corner again , since I don 't usually get to do corners when training on my own and it could come up in a trial . Another BTW - even if we do get faulted for trashing a box in containers , its not really a problem . The NACSW rules say they can only give us one specific fault per element . So we would have to get a pawing fault in every element ( or with a combination of other faults ) to not qualify in the trial . What this means is , even if there are several boxes and she trashes all of them , she can only get one fault for pawing and possibly another for disturbing the search area . If we get all of our hides and no more than one other fault , we 'd still title . So , while this is an training exercise I 'll continue to work on , its not the end of the world . I 'm just sayin . . . I realized I was lumping again . Darn it ! It was Candy who pointed out my last lumpish training . . . She noticed it when I went straight from good indications on other things without odor , to working odor and boxes together . Both boxes and odor get Gimme excited , so adding them together was sure to be a hard increment for her . Well duh . If I 'd thought it through , I would have realized I was lumping . So I worked for awhile with just an odor tin in my hand . It went very smoothly and Gimme did so well with it , so quickly . Then in class she was able to apply what she had learned to indications on other things . Overall she 's done very nicely . Of course , we have a trial in 7 days and I 'm trying to get us up to indicating boxes without pawing , just in case there are some in containers . So what do I do , but lump it all together . . . training both odor and boxes together . Shame on me . Today after I realized I was guilty of lumping , I changed to just placing her paw on a box . I got a pre - trashed box , a big bowl of treats and a clicker . During the commercials I counted out ten treats , got the beat up box and the clicker and cued her " paw " behavior , rewarding liberally . During the course of one movie we got in ten short sessions and at least 100 repetitions . I didn 't move off the couch myself , so had to set the box on the back of the couch behind me - or she 's force me to train her against my will . Still since it never really went away , she was less excited by it when I presented it . Essentially splitting even further and , as a result , she did much better than she has over the last couple of days . Toward the end I was able to start working on duration . Any time Gimme thought I was taking too long , she 'd pick her paw up about 1 / 2 inch and then gently set it down again . Hinting , doncha know . . . Ordinarily I wouldn 't reward her when she breaks duration , but in this case I did . Duration isn 't really the issue for this behavior - I was just using it to solidify the not - pawing . So in my opinion , the fact she set her paw down carefully when she was likely experiencing some frustration - well , to me it deserved rewarding . Here is the link for the fourth try of Gimme getting to meet the rat . She 's pretty determined . What you don 't get is the sound affects . She was making a very deep , full - throated growl . I 've heard rats will often be at the front by the wire sniffing back at the dogs . Not this time , he was staying at the back of the cage . Can 't blame him , I wouldn 't have wanted to be on the receiving end of what Gimme had to say . Gimme gets two tries just picking out the rat in a tube . You will note that I was too ready to call it her first time , jumping the gun . Gimme was still sorting out the difference between tube with litter and tube with litter and a rat . She knows what she 's doing . There was another dog & handler with three tubes on the other side of the yellow tunnel , so the first time when she moves toward the tunnel , I think she was checking to see if there was a more exposed rat over there . http : / / youtu . be / tCmGpISUxQE She does a great job in her novice run . You 'll note at the very beginning she runs over and shoves her nose in between some straw bales on this pile . She found the rat there the first time . Then when she goes over toward the metal doors - there is a tube with just litter there , which she discards almost instantly . http : / / youtu . be / Ox3KKN0z5dI Hope you have enjoyed these clips . Interestingly Gimme has almost completely ignored baby since her day with rats . She sniffed and moved it once last night , and sniffed it this morning . Seems she 's decided she has more important things to do than be a pretend mommy . Gimme had a blast and as I suspected , is a natural . She thinks this is about the most fun she 's ever had . Sadly blogspot is not cooperating and won 't let me upload videos . I will try to upload them in a separate entry . We arrived just before 10 : 00 and I watched practice runs for two hours . I was surprised to see how much people are directing and micro - managing their dog 's efforts . For the most part they talk to their dogs constantly . I 'd seen a blog where someone who said it was boring to watch ( I didn 't think so ) and many dogs are very subtle in their indications . I saw some subtle indications during the practice , but mostly the dogs were either very into it or not very committed . I hoped Gimme would not be one of the subtle ones . I need not have worried . I mean seriously - has she ever been subtle about anything ? After lunch we started the workshop with a short explanation of the rules , how to play the game and what to watch for . Then the rest of the time was different exercises and learning to read our dogs . First the dogs each got to meet a rat in a wire front cage , repeated 4 times . The rat had solid wood on 5 sides . Gimme was very intense . Twice she put considerable effort trying to get into the back door , so the rat wrangler had to keep turning the cage . Gimme sucked in a ton of air , trying to get all that rat smell , so when she exhaled the force literally blew the litter back from the front two inches of the cage . You can 't really tell from the video , because she was wagging her tail and butt so fast , but her body was hard with tension . After that we got to take them in a small ring and teach the dogs to go through the straw bale tunnel and climb on the bales , both of which are required to title . Gimme had already discovered the joys of climbing on the bales while we were waiting . I knew that wouldn 't be a problem , given her lifelong propensity for climbing on things . It only took her two tries to realize she could do these tunnels just like the ones in agility . Lastly we got two runs set up like an actual novice level trial . Gimme did great . The person who was videotaping for me only caught the very end of our first run , so there 's only video for the second run . One thing I learned is that I will have to get her to do the tunnel right out of the start box , because once she starts searching , I cease to exist . She was willing to climb on the straw bales for me , but would not have done the tunnel because it would have taken her away from where she could smell rats . Both times I had to bring her harness and leash to her - she sure wasn 't going to leave the man with the rat tube to come with me . Interestingly she ignored the other dogs most of the time . In the early part of the workshop , she 'd notice them and we 'd " whazzat " when they got within about 12 feet . Otherwise she was intently focused watching over where the rat action was happening . I had some concern that she might try to leave the ring , which was far from secure . I need not have worried . She was intent on rats and nothing else mattered . I also noticed when the rats were combined with searching that she no longer had interest in treats . Part of me worries that she isn 't getting rewarded for " vermin " finding . On the other hand , I think this is an intensely primal experience for her and just the possibility of getting to a rat is reward enough . The only downside from Gimme 's point of view was not getting to bring home a live trophy . She seriously wants a rat . . . I 'm just saying . During one of our trips into the building she took a side trip to sniff around the trunk of a nearby car ( dragging me straight to it from our car 30 feet away ) . Turns out it was the car owned by the rat - man and he had a cage with half a dozen rats inside the trunk . Gimme was trying to convince me to cooperate and distract people , cuz she 's just sure she could sneak one out of there , inside her tummy . . . Since I am not going to be able to follow my plan in class ( and there 's only one more class between now and the trial ) , I realize I will have to work my plan on my own . Since what I 'll do in class doesn 't even support my plan , I think I have to work my plan a LOT so what I want becomes the stronger behavior . My goal is to practice three times a day . Right now I 'm introducing the boxes and its a challenge to say the least . I have a very small box I put odor in and then hold it in my hand . Gimme gets really excited to simply see a box , so she 's prone to reverting back to scratching . I 've discovered a couple of things about this stage of training . I have the box with odor in one hand and treats in the other . This harkens back to something we learned a long time ago . The treat hand hovers nearby and the dog figures out to repeatedly nose - bump odor . Initially its really close , mere inches . Over time it moves farther away - a foot . Quickly the dog learns when they see a treat hand near and odor is present , it means you can get more treats if you continue to nose - bump the odor . My shaping has an added twist because I want Gimme 's paw - hold close to odor while she repeatedly nose - bumps odor . She figured it out very quickly when I first tried it with just an odor tin in my hand ; initially I got great results . What I 've discovered with the little odor box and odor is . . . the inclination to go to pawing is much stronger than the paw - hold behavior we 've been training . So , I 've learned I need to make sure my odor - box hand , treat hand and Gimme 's nose form a triangle , instead of a line . When they are in a line , she tends to use her paw / claws to try to pull the box toward her as she is trying to stretch toward the treats . When its in a triangle , there 's no pulling as she turns her head to the treats . Its a subtle , but important , difference , so she 's not practicing even a small part of the unwanted behavior . The other thing I 've learned is to keep the session very short . She gets pretty excited just seeing a box and if the session continues very long , then her arousal level climbs and she is less precise in her indicator behavior . Again , I don 't want to set her up to practice even a small part of the unwanted version . So I am experimenting with how many treats to work with . I just did a session with 20 treats and stopped when she had earned them . It was just a little bit too long and I could see her getting too insistent and less precise . So next session I 'm going to count out 15 treats and see how it goes . BTW tomorrow we get up and leave when dawn cracks for Damascus , Oregon . We 'll be watching a practice for about two hours , then eating lunch . After lunch we have a three hour workshop . Hopefully Gimme is as much of a natural as I think she will be , since I signed her up for four trials over two days at the end of the month . . . Her big goal in life is to catch a nutria when we walk the lake or a mouse out on the fort . . . so I 'm not really worried . Still I recognize , both of those are significantly different from rats in a tube . I 'm taking my camera and hope to have some video to put on the blog tomorrow . Posted by My plan worked well for Gimme today . We walked much earlier in the day so she had hours to come home and reconnect with baby before we had to leave for agility class . I also gave her the supplements before leaving for class , which is a bit earlier than usual . And I 'd already moved the bag of peanut butter cookies to the car , so had them available to use in class . Blynn apparently didn 't realize I meant to use people peanut butter cookies , since she started to tell me about a sale on dog peanut butter cookies . Had to explain to her that Gimme really prefers the ones from Target . BTW note to self : break cookies up before class , so you don 't leave crumbs on course . One was that she just didn 't think she could jump through the tire jump going toward the wall , while having no problem going the other way . The horse arena we had trained in was so roomy , I 'm sure she 's never experience the visual of having the wall seem so close . She had plenty of room - I just don 't think she was convinced there was enough . That 's fine - I 'd rather she work through it in class than in a trial some day . The other thing tonight was a real resistance to weaving . The only time she got it right was when I finally slowed her waaaaay down . It occurred to me that she hasn 't had a bodywork session in quite awhile , so will try to schedule that before next Thursday 's class . She has a warm spot on her back ; not hot , just warm . Still for our second session , I opted to start her after the weaves . I 'd rather not risk a poor association if its uncomfortable for her . Also , I 've decided to ignore baby . I 'd been moving it and while I wasn 't hiding it or putting it away , and was leaving it in plain sight . . . I think Gimme remembered where she left it and was bothered when it wasn 't exactly where she left it in the middle of the floor or wherever . My theory is by moving it , I was increasing her focus on it . Perhaps if I ignore it , then it will fade in importance . Tonight she came home , checked on where she 'd left baby on the couch , then moved it to the office . She 's curled up in the cocoon under the desk , while baby is on the floor . Hopefully she is getting closer to weaning the kid . . . I am starting over numbering my Nosework classes for classes for this new instructor . There were a lot of things to like about classes . The atmosphere is different and Dorothy is much more organized and explains things a LOT better . There isn 't any constant nagging about talking between students . Everyone talks , all the time . In fact I was one of the quiet ones ( shocking , I know ) . In fact Dorothy talks during the runs , telling us what she is seeing . All this talking doesn 't bother the dogs at all . We started with two hides on vehicles , in a wheel and on the license plate . Gimme found both of them very quickly . Her indicator wasn 't as solid as I 've been getting , but in hindsight I hadn 't warmed up her indicator at the car as I have been doing . Bad me . Then we moved inside where they 'd set up two threshold hides just a few feet on either side of the door , and a floor hide well down along the wall . I brought Gimme in and turned her loose , knowing she would blast past the threshold and then come back to it . She made a liar out of me and went shopping instead . She was checking all the possibilities in the room and it soon became apparent she was shopping instead of working . So I put her back on line and suddenly she went to work - the difference was dramatic and the instructor commented about it . Gimme has never gone shopping before , even when we had a match in the store area of a dog training facility . I commented about it and Dorothy said it was probably because the " other clues " were different so she wasn 't in working mode . Still once on leash she did very nicely and would have qualified well within time , even including the shopping time . For our third run they left one of the threshold hides and removed the other ( leaving residual odor ) , and added a bathroom hide . I told them Gimme would most likely just tilt her nose toward the bathroom and then go on by , which she most often does with closed spaces , preferring the hunting more than the finding . When we came in , Gimme went straight to the thresholPosted by We just did a short session doing rear crosses with jumps . Out of 10 attempts she made just 1 mistake . At this point ( her second session ) - I think 90 % success is just dandy . Her jumping style was rather like a pronghorn antelope , but she was really trying to apply what she learned last night . Given that my ground is so rough and I can 't move normally . . . I was very pleased that she did so well . I figure she will show off her genius at class on Thursday . And this was after a rather busy day . She had to be in the car for about three hours while I ran errands . Then we went to walk around Capitol Lake . Since the weather is really nice ( for winter ) , everyone and their cousin was out - - we saw 30 + dogs . That 's the busiest I ever remember . The same weather during summer and I would have had the place to myself . She did well with all the distractions . She also rooted out three Nutria and sent them swimming . These are very large web footed rodents . They 're about 20 inches long , not including the tail that may be another 15 inches . They are more agile in water than on land and can swim underwater quite a distance . Despite what the websites say , I say they move damn fast on land . I hear they are supposed to be good eating , at least in Louisianna bayou country . Gimme sez she is practicing for Barn Hunt . After these guys , rats in tubes will be a piece of cake . We had an " exciting " moment during our walk . There was a man jogging toward us , I saw something swinging behind him a knee level and Gimme noticed it too . So , I got her on the far side of me and shortened her leash . She 's usually wonderful about joggers and such , but something here had her attention . Sure enough the guy goes running by with the longest nastiest dread locks I 've ever seen . I 'm sure this is my prejudice showing , but I could almost feel the bugs jumping in our direction , while Gimme was just sure it was the most huge tug toy on the planet . I was so glad she didn 't get them or I would 've had to rush her home to wash her mouth out with peroxide . Yeeeeelcccchhhhh . . . When we got home I thought she might be too baby - needy to work outside . I gave her some time to get reacquainted then went outside to set up . The door was ajar so she could have come inside at any time . Instead she choose to work with her Mum . In class the other night , I promised Blynn , and told the whole class , that I was making it my mission to teach this girl a rear cross . I haven 't intentionally put it off . . . just had a mindset that I needed a jump set up to teach it . Then the other night it occurred to me that I could start using my upright - hoop in place of a jump . Tonight she was pestering me for something to do , so I cleared the floor and got down to business . First I taught her that following the near hand and turning away ( 90 degrees ) will get her a click and a treat from the other hand . That took maybe ten treats to do both sides . Then I set up the hoop and taught her the cue to go through it , cleverly named " hoop " . She remains convinced that I should click / treat every time she goes through : whether I cue or not , whether she goes through forwards or backwards , and that stepping into the hoop and turning in place to come back out should net two treats . I 'm sure she thinks I 'm not paying sufficient attention to her efforts . That little refinement ( stimulus control ) is a matter for another time . I probably won 't do anything about it for awhile because I do have another trick in mind that involves her backing through the hoop . So then I used " hoop " to send her through and tried to randomly change whether I went straight or rear - crossed to the left . At first I clicked her for ending up at my side whether she initially turned the right or the wrong way . Then I stopped clicking the turns in the wrong direction and she figured that out very quickly . After that we did the other side , straight or rear - cross right , which went even faster . At this point she is tending to move with her nose up and waggling back and forth , trying to see which way I am going . That 's not the final picture I want . She needs to pick up whether I am rear - crossing or going straight based on whether I am moving laterally into her lane or moving straight ahead . I think she 'll pick up that connection when we work outside using jumps and go at normal speed . Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny and warm enough - so perhaps we 'll do just that . Posted by I remembered something I meant to put in yesterday 's post - about the nosework practice . The first indication was lovely , just a paw placement . The second one she started nicely then went completely out of control - I was shocked to see her digging vigorously , with dirt just flying out behind her ! Remember all the hides were set low , three at ground level . Turns out I placed that second hide within 6 inches of a mouse hole ! Gimme started out okay with her indication , but putting her nose that close - her instincts took over and she went straight to her hobby of enlarging the entrance . I was determined to have her give a " proper " indication so tried several things to get her back into nosework mode . Nothing was working until I basically put my foot on top of the mouse hole . Then she got hold of herself and gave me a nice controlled indication . From there we moved off to find the other two hides , also with nice controlled indications . I just thought it was funny - the look on her face was priceless . Odor AND a mouse hole ! YEEHAWWWWW . . . . Fortunately that is not likely to be the case at a trial or we 'll fault for sure . Posted by While today was a day off for me , it turned out to be very busy for the two of us . I got a message from the trial secretary for the Nooksack trial ( Jan 19th ) and learned that we are now 1st alternate for getting in the trial . So if anyone else drops out , we 're in . Naturally we haven 't done anything nosework for almost three weeks , so I sure appreciated the heads up . I 'd planned to take Gimme for a walk on the fort , so stopped nearby and set 4 hides . Then Gimme and I went to the fort and walked 3 miles . She had a great time and is getting really playful again . I think she 's getting close to giving up psuedo - motherhood . She was playing a little with me last night . . . though later she went weird and couldn 't even play because she had to have her baby . But then after that she brought me her new toy to play . She 's leaving the baby more of the time . She checks where it is , but then may just leave it there . And , she didn 't take it to bed last night - poor little baby slept on the hall floor all night . After the walk we drove to where I 'd set the hides and the instant I got there she started carrying on . She recognized where I 'd set hides 90 minutes earlier - even though we 've never done nosework there or a place remotely like that . I 'd set four hides , in two pairs 8 - 10 feet apart and all low . She did a fabulous job finding them all in 2 : 39 . 23 . . . Given the time it took me to reward her AND hold her back while picking up odor , I 'm pretty pleased with that time . When we got home from walking on the fort and nosework practice - - she just had to find baby . . . but then just left him there . Ninety minutes later we left for our first agility class at Rochester . Class didn 't start until 7pm and its a full class , so by the time we got out of there . . . we didn 't get home until almost 9 : 30 . Gimme did very well for her first turn . She was distracted at first , but then got her focus going and was doing a lot of very nice stuff . My new classmates had very complimentary things to say about her . For our second turn , she started out more focused , but then halfway through lost her focus and I actually had to put her on leash to work with her a little bit to get her brain back . Then took her off leash and Blynn had us run a nice sequence to end on a good note . It didn 't help that I didn 't have any peanut butter with me . The jar in the car is EMPTY ! That 's probably the first time that 's ever happened - me being without PB . Though I did decide at the fun run that I want to bring her generic Nutter Butter cookies to agility , I just forgot them . She is almost as crazy about them as she is about real PB , but we won 't have to wait for her to lick her leg after them . I thought maybe her loss of focus reflected a need to potty , since she hadn 't done anything before coming in the second time . However , when we went outside , it took awhile before she peed . Now that we are home , she has baby and is being clingy . So , now I 'm thinking that even though she 's getting close to giving him up , it was just too much time away from baby all on one day . I also think I may need to make it a point to give her evening supplements to her before leaving for class , even though its early . We 'll just have to wait and see how she does next week . My last official task for 2013 was to clean out the big mess of shredded foam Gimme created while trying to make a nest for her and baby . Naturally I didn 't want to leave her without a place to snuggle securely when home alone or while I work on the computer . So I gathered a bunch of stray stuff , which should have been thrown out long ago , then packed and stacked it in just the right way to create a nice cocoon . Gimme spent a few minutes thoroughly inspecting my nest - making efforts before deciding it might be adequate . She got in , turned about 20 circles and curled up . Just two minutes later , having apparently decided it was baby - worthy , she went to retrieve him from the couch . Fortunately I had my camera nearby and was able to get this picture . I think she looks content - - even baby is smiling . BTW this ability to eventually find uses for junk is why I never can throw anything away . Every year I make New Year Resolutions to de - junk - afy my life , but somehow it never makes a noticeable difference . I think the lengthy history of variable schedule reinforcement for junk hoarding is getting in the way of my best intentions . < sigh > Posted by |
So this month , I managed to run 121 . 86 km this month in 15 hours and 12 minutes , which is awesome since I had a whole week of rest after my race on October 30th . I also managed to run 20 km more than I did in August in only 8 additional minutes . I ran an average of 4 . 06km each day or 30 : 24 minutes each day . Not too bad if you ask me . I am hoping to run more next month , but I must be realistic considering my birthday is next month , and so it Christmas and I 'm going to visit my mother for like 5 days . If I match this month I will be happy . To be honest , I didn 't think that I did that well but my weight loss this month was the same as last month . I managed to drop 4lbs and am sitting on the cusp of the 160 's . For next month , I 'm hoping to survive Christmas and be in the 160 's at the end of December . Wish me luck ! Okay , this cold is annoying but is the best cold I 've had since I started to have children . I mean the worst was the one that became the sinus infection , but this one is not so bad . I have a cough and a sore throat that comes and goes , but literally it is all in my throat . My chest is FINE , and my nose is good to go . My husband is loving the fact that I asked him to make me some Neocitron ( he is the expert of it ) and my voice is crackling so it comes and goes . Mostly it goes though , so today was pretty quiet . Katrina still seems to be missing it , thank goodness , and Steve feels his is the same . Lillian is doing well . A bit of a slacker today , so since it rained all day , we just had a pj TV day . I have to say I 'm pretty proud of myself because I managed to run despite the cold . I am really happy that the cold doesn 't disturb my runs . I did sweat a LOT more than normal and much faster than normal but I still managed to do 6km which is exactly what I should be doing for my rest week . I hope my cold doesn 't get any worse ( knock on wood ) and that my girls keep fighting it or not getting it . Though I must say I find it very odd that both Steve and I got flu shots and now we 're both sick . I 'm not saying the shot was the cause but it is a bit suspicious to me . Finally we are having a dinner party on Friday with one of Steve 's groomsman and his wonderful wife , who happens to have the same birthday as me , and their lovely baby girl . I 'm very excited to meet another baby and have another friend for my ladies ! I love to cook , and I love to try out new things so I have set up a challenge for myself . I plan to cook the whole meal with only buying 5 ingredients in addition to what I have in the house already ! I 'm very excited ! They are bringing dessert and I have cream / milk for coffee and tea . We also have some delicious blackberry wine my mommy made for me , and I 'm thinking of making a Latin Beef Stew for the main meal . I just got my organic veggies yesterday and I actually have EVERYTHING I need for this stew in my kitchen right now ! I figure that with a mixture of brown rice and quinoa will be a great dinner . The fancy part will be my appetizers . I am also planning on making fresh bread , and maybe not from the bread maker . I am thinking buns or french bread , to use with a sort of brushetta but I haven 't decided yet . Honestly I have to look at some recipes and see what I can make . I 'm very excited by this challenge . I promise to take some photos of my yummy creations ! So I saw my girlfriend 's new baby today for the first time , and at 9 weeks he 's almost as big as my 5 1 / 2 month old ! Crazy ! ! So that 's my update tonight but look how cute they are ! ! For once I get that things are going my way . So my ladies , my hubby and I are all sick . I know that for a runner that is not normally a good thing , but I am sick on a rest week . It never happens that I 'm sick on my rest week . I 'm excited that I managed to run my long run Friday night so I could rest this weekend . I get to start next week off with a rest day too , since I 'm having my mommy friends over on Monday and some mutual friends of my hubby and me ( who recently became parents ) over on Friday . Funny that I somehow managed to arrange to have people over on the days that I am not supposed to run . So after last night 's crazy run I thought I would be all sore and miserable today but other than the fact that I 've been STARVING all morning I feel good . I was a little stiff first thing in the morning , but after running some errands and eating a hardy breakfast and lunch I feel good . I think walking around to get vegetables and eggs from the farmers market right after waking up really helped me . That , and I don 't think I 've had a breakfast that large since I started trying to lose weight , but bacon and eggs with toast and fresh tomatoes can make you feel like you could run a half - marathon . As for running my errands I did some really fun ones this morning . I headed to drop off some things at the second hand store , went to bulk barn and a baby store . I love that I go to the bulk barn , spend less than $ 20 and leave with a huge bag full of beans and rice and such , which my husband spends $ 30 - 40 and leaves with two or three food items and a lot of candy . The baby store was the fun one . I picked up two pairs of leggings for Lillian ( my friend 's daughter wears them and they are TOO cute ) . One is funky purple with pink , and one is black with white stripes . So they should go with anything . Katrina got two pacifiers , one is a baby one with a hole in the back to hold it in her mouth ( I 've got cold and she likes to chew on my finger ) , the other is a razberry . Lilly had one but we can 't find it . I also got to buy some really cute diaper covers . So now it 's early still on Saturday and I 'm done my errands for the day . Baby Katrina is asleep after a good feeding and Lillian is upstairs with her daddy . Dinner is done ( veggie bean soup ) and I had a wonderful , quiet lunch of takeout Thai food with my husband . Dishes have been washed and put away and I am getting pretty efficient with my work since I 'm often finding myself in this predicament where it 's early afternoon and one kid is awake so I can 't run or do anything that is noisy or that requires me to leave the floor they are napping on . So right now , I tidy up and make a lot of soup . I know there are a lot of mom runners out there who like to run in the morning only . Many of them feel they don 't have the energy at the end of the day to do a good run but sometimes I find it invigorating . I had one of those restful , stay at home days and since there are a lot of things going on with my husband 's family ( but that is a story for another blog ) so I didn 't know if I could do my long run this weekend . If he has to drop everything and go to his dad 's then I 'm at home alone with two babies and may not even get to run 5k let alone + 15km like I planned to . And I 'll be honest doing more than 12km with the girls in the stroller is not something I want to do . Lucky for me Katrina and Lillian seem to be happier today . I think that they may have had this cold Steve and I are fighting now and are getting over it . Lillian is eating up a storm again and Katrina is back to her long naps which means I can plan my life a bit better . So today I had a day where I sat around all day . My hubby left work because he couldn 't focus on his work because of his family stuff . He came home to be with the girls , and be available to his family should they need him . He spent a lot of time with them , though it made Lillian so excited that she didn 't nap but that 's okay since she ate today . Can 't win all the battles . But I did a lot of dishes , I played on the computer , cuddled my babies , made bean soup ( most of which my husband and Lillian ate today ) , vegged on the couch and made pizza for dinner . So with all that resting I was up to , I felt like a good run was due today . I had the two babies but they didn 't sleep consecutively , so running in the afternoon was out . But after dinner , I felt good and alive and thought why not so I headed down to the basement and put in my new Dexter DVD and hopped on the treadmill . I originally planned to over 15km . I was hoping to maybe hit 18km and in the end I managed to run 21 . 1km . That people is a treadmill half - marathon . I am not very tired but also really proud . My personal best for a half is 2 : 30 outside , and I did it 2 : 34 on a treadmill only 5 months after having a baby . I amused myself since when I was running and hit 18km I figured why not go all out and do the full 21km , so I did . I managed to run the whole thing from 5 . 0 - 5 . 2mph except for my warm up . Now I 'm all proud , though very , very , very tired . And on the not so nice note , when I was done I came upstairs to rest a bit and then shower and my husband decided to pick up out infant , and that woke her up . I usually do her night feeding around 10 or 10 : 30 but was planning to wait so I could shower , but he ruined that . Boo on him ! So I had to quick shower to be able to feed her and then take a real shower , ate a quick snack and now it 's time to pass out and get a good night 's sleep . I have a copy that has been read so many times it 's yellowed and has no cover or back . The girls are so sweet and I love Joe 's spunk and independence . I 'm worried about the lesson of death in the book but if they are too small to understand we can always skip that bit and field the questions later . 2 / Charlotte 's Web I love the sweetness of this story . It makes me cry at some parts but I think the lessons and story is beautiful and will give me lots to talk about with my girls when we read it . 3 / Harry Potter I didn 't start reading these until well into high school , I think just before or after book 4 came out . I really enjoy the theme of good vs evil and the friendship that endures all the struggles and horrors they go through . I also like the books start off easy to read and get a bit longer or more challenging as you read on . 4 / The Berenstain Bears I had so many of these books as a kid and I just loved them . We only have like three left from my childhood , so for Lillian 's birthday and the girls ' Christmas gifts they are getting 21 books . So now Lillian has gotten 8 for her birthday , one of which is a book that has 6 stories in it . 5 / Lord of the Rings It took me a few attempts to read these so I think reading them to the girls when they are a bit older would be a nice way to reread them . Though I am thinking this might take a whole year to get through . : ) 6 / The Brothers Grimm fairy tales I love these stories , but I like the original versions not the watered down wussy versions that most people get . I love the stories even if the original versions are a little bit dark . They will turn out fine with them , I did ! Having a late December birthday Christmas is a big deal in my family so I want to make it an annual tradition to read the story to the girls . We 'll start with a short version while they are small and move up to the full Dickens edition when they are old enough to understand most of it . 8 / Frankenstein We 're Catholic , so this is a duh . We even have a cartoon , child friendly version that we 've read to Lillian and Steve is already reading to Katrina . I think it 's important to share your faith ( whatever it may be ) with your children . So today was my Weigh in day and I am very happy with the results . I 've lost 2 . 2lbs which is only the third time this year I 've lost over 2lbs in a week so wow on me ! Maybe pumping milk is helping me out here . I also ate less and have been pushing myself hard on the treadmill thanks to tempo and speed runs so that probably has something to do with it . Either way I have lost 19 . 7lbs which , pushed me over the 10 % body weight lost so that feels great and next week hopefully I 'll hit the 20lbs lost total and will have another reason to dance around and celebrate with my girlies ! For now though I 'm very happy at my 171 . 8lbs ! ! In another few weeks I 'll be in the 160 's ! As for Steve he did great this week too . He 's down another 1 . 4lbs which pushes him into the 160 's . Oh how I miss the 160 's but I 'll join him there soon enough ! He had a bit of a rough week so I 'm very proud of him for doing so well . He only wants to lose 15 - 20lbs so he 's already at 5 . 8 which means he 's either 1 / 3 or 1 / 4 of the way there . I told him this morning the advantage of doing WW now is it 'll help him survive Christmas without gaining 5 or 10lbs ! Today is Wednesday . In my house that means Lillian has gymnastics . To the left you see the reaction you get if you try to put Lillian in a pair of tights that are not pink . Lovely eh ? Well what gymnastics means to me , is that our schedule for the day is a bit tighter than most . We need to make sure Lillian is fed dinner no later than 5 : 30pm . Steve must be home no later than 6pm . That way at 6 : 15pm he can bundle her up and plop her in the car and take her to her class . It 's a parent and tot program so he goes in with her . Today I will be going with her , which is complicated since we have Katrina . Steve 's grandmother had a fall and so he is at his father 's dealing with that , and I 'm home with two kids . Lucky for me a good friend and coworker lives very close to us and has graciously agreed to take Katrina while we go to gymnastics . Thank you Di , you are amazing ! But to add to the craziness , I realized this morning that my car ( aka mommy car ) has no gas in it , so the ladies and I finished up some Christmas shopping this morning and I filled up the tank . Now Lillian is passed out and Katrina is about to go down . That means I can do my run , and dinner will be easy tonight for my little monkey . I 'm thinking meatballs , green beans and french fries . She likes dipping things right now so a little bit of ketchup on the side will make it very appealing to her . I 'm worried about Steve 's grandmother . She 's getting older , early to mid - eighties and lives alone . Granted it 's in an apartment , not a house , and she 's only a few minutes from Steve 's father ( I 'd guess less than 2km ) but she keeps falling a lot lately . We are blessed that Steve has a job that allows him a personal day like today to go handle things like this , but I think it may be time to consider putting her in some sort of assisted living residence . She can do a lot on her own still , mostly everything , but I worry about how these falls are effecting her , or that she 'll take a really bad one and seriously hurt herself . But it isn 't my place to tell them what to do , since I 'm family by marriage and not blood . I would not want someone telling me what to do with my Oma , so I told Steve my opinion and will now keep my mouth shut . First of all , did you know that it is 326 days until the Toronto Scotiabank Marathon ? Well it is ! ! And this ladies and gentlemen is the marathon I plan to run as my first marathon . So after I finish the Waterloo half - marathon in April / May I will be registering for my very first marathon . This is both exciting and terrifying at the same time . I know I will have loads of time to train for it , and my first few tempo and speed runs are going great , but 42 . 2km is a pretty daunting distance to run , especially when my longest run this year has only been 15 . 8km . As for my dog bite I meet with the by - law officer tonight . I have written my statement of what happened and printed one of the photos that Steve took ( yes a photo of my butt ) and will be giving it to him tonight when he stops by . This is what gives him the power to fine the owners both with the local by - laws and also according to Ontario laws . It 's a bit challenging for me because not only do I live on the outskirts of town , I live a block away from the border of two townships . So I live in one and was bit in another , so there are many different departments involved in this . But hopefully the owners will learn a lesson , get a big fat fine , and their dog will hopefully not have to be put down for this but ultimately that decision is not mine . I felt great running this as it was a challenge but not so hard that I felt like I couldn 't do it . I didn 't like Lillian screaming through her baby monitor . She 's actually started to cry " help me " and scream like something is wrong and when you check on her she 's sitting up fine and dandy . I like her use of words but not that she 's crying wolf all the time lately . I know she 'll learn eventually but right now it 's a bit of a pain . I also have to figure out what is wrong with my right running shoe . My food always ends up cramping in the same spot because the laces are too tight but everything I do doesn 't seem to help . Maybe I should just re - lace them and see if that helps . My hour glass figure that is ! I 've now dropped 37 . 6 % of the weight that I need to lose to get back to my pre - baby weight which isn 't too bad and look over there ( to the right ) . I couldn 't believe it when I fit into this shirt . It 's the first time this shirt fit me since I bought it while pregnant . I 'm one bad ass mother runner and so proud of it . I wanted to post this yesterday but after the whole dog bite incident I didn 't . So everyone has days where they wish things had gone differently and today is one of those days for me . I love my outside runs . I love them with my girls and without . Having them get fresh air means a wonderful nap , and having the time to push myself and think about things is also wonderful . But there are risks in running on my own . Today I learned that the hard way . I wanted to do a 12 - 15km run today either on the treadmill or outside . With 50km / hr wind gusts taking one or both girls was out of the question , so the plan was that Steve spent the morning puttering about , I would run during nap time and then he and Lillian would head to chapters after she woke up . I was planning to do 10 - 12km outside because of the horrible wind and when I hit the corner where I needed to make the choice I decided to push myself despite the crazy wind and chance of rain ( it had spit on me a bit by then ) . I love the feeling of pushing myself that little bit . Well almost exactly at the half way mark something horrible happened . A dog bit me . . . in the butt . Let me start by saying I am a dog person . Anyone who 's read my blog since the begining knows we had a dog and had to give her up because she was too affectionate with Lillian and their love resulted in many , many head bumps on tile floors . It broke my heart and I still miss her , but I digress . Running in the country you meet a lot of dogs . I know which ones are happy , friendly and just want to follow me for a half kilometer . The ones that are mean but are tied up or fenced in . And finally the ones who come to the end of their property and growl at you and then go back home . This dog was one of the last kind . I know he / she is cranky and so I always run on the opposite side of the road ( something I do for all the not friendly dogs ) and yet it crossed 2 lanes of cars to the other side of the street and while it 's buddy distracted me bit me in the bum . I 'm not a wuss by any means but I felt it , stopped and turned at the dog and screamed at it . It then ran back home . I know this particular dog is territorial . It has never left the property before , but has growled at me several times and made me uncomfortable running by . So I finished jogging home and once I got here and my butt warmed up the pain hit , and Steve checked it out and it broke the skin and I have two K9 teeth impressions in my butt , though my pants are fine . I ended up calling the SPCA , who because it 's in the country and out of town ( as in another township - seriously I 'm on the edge of the city ) they have no authority , but they gave me the number of the people to call . Then I called my doctor 's office 's after hours number , and the nurse told me to stop nursing and go to the ER because I 'm nursing . Steve and I drove to the house of the owner to try and get more info ( especially if the dog has its shots ) but they were not home . So I went to the ER and he stayed with the girls . I waited 3 hours to see a doctor , and filled out the bit report . In the end no rabies shots for me ( thank goodness ) . According to the doctor the form goes to public health . They will go to the house and speak to the owner , contact the dog 's vet , and quarantine the animal for 10 days . If it shows any signs that are a concern they will contact me and my doctor and I will be sent to him to get the rabies shots . I called Steve and mom to tell them . My mom went crazy telling me I had to follow up with everyone because they lose everything and how will I know and blah blah blah . I get the whole overprotective mom thing ( really I do ) but that isn 't what I needed at that point . I just wanted to her to say " glad you 're okay and love you " but instead I got freaked at . But that 's my mom . So now I 'm at home with a sore butt wishing I had just turned around at the 5k mark , worried that this dog is going to be put down for biting me , and at the same time worried that it won 't be put down and will bite me again the next time I run that route ( which I need to a lot in the next while since it 's my long route ) or worse bite one of the girls in the stroller . Steve talked to the neighbors when I was at the hospital trying to find the owners to learn if it was vaccinated , and they remember me running by often a while back , and said the dogs are always in their yard and a real pain so I 'm not feeling so good about the whole situation . Stupid owners . Why can 't they keep their dog under control . Okay while I like all holidays , I especially like the ones that have a day off . Who doesn 't love an extra day off , and for me it usually means an extra long run on a weekend because my hubby is home to stay with the little ladies , and I take my rest day on Tuesday instead . Gotta love the extra distance I squeeze in on a week like that . But I also really like the opportunity to spend time with my family and ones that involve cool decorations . So below are my top three favourite holidays and why . I enjoy the getting together of family , the fact that my birthday happens three days before , as well as the fact that both my husband and my places of work are closed from Christmas day until the day after new years . I also love how much time we spend as a family and the decorations and cookies ! Oh the decorations and cookies . Loves it ! I love the costumes , the decorations , the kids , the candy . All around it 's just a BLAST ! This year I was on handing out candy duty with the little one while Lillian and daddy get candy , and next year Steve and I will switch . While not the most exciting holiday , we have a fun tradition that we watch a set type of movies on that day . One year we did a Tim Burton marathon , another it was Star Trek . Really an awesome thing to keep doing , and I 'm excited to see what this year 's theme will be . Easter - love the family time but hate that you now don 't get Monday off as well as Friday . This might make me a bad Catholic but I also hate how many times you have to go to church that weekend . It 's really hard with two little ones and trying to see family that weekend , so we always end up missing one or two services and I feel super guilty about it after . Valentine 's Day - silly day you " have " to buy crap for . Not worth my time . In this house it 's Oma 's birthday and that 's the special part . Okay , so this morning I woke up tired and hoped on my scale but didn 't like what I saw because I stayed the same . I was cross and grumbled a bit and heard my peanut squeaking . So I went and grabbed my little one and fed her and afterwards realized that I always weigh myself AFTER I nurse the baby . So I handed her to daddy and went back to the scale and sure enough down 0 . 4lbs . Seriously ! Nursing makes that much of a difference ? That is CRAZY ! Who would have thought that my kid sucks a half pound out of me every time she eats ! So I feel great about that , and even if I 'm bummed I only lost 0 . 4lbs I have to be honest with myself about a few things . I also spent two weeks resting from running and am now back at it since Monday . Steve on the other hand , did much better . He lost 1 . 8lbs which made me a bit cranky . He doesn 't work overly hard , he just going to the gym , does his weight training , I pack his lunch , I make his dinner , I set up his chart so he can count his points . So rather than being all ' green eyed monster ' about his loss versus mine , I 'm taking credit for it . That 's right , this week I allowed us to lose a total of 2 . 2lbs ! Go me ! literally . But let me start at the beginning . So I went to my office today to visit my coworkers while on maternity leave with my little ladies , and we had a great time ! I brought my leftover cookies from the party and everyone joined me for coffee and goodies and it was hilarious . Lillian climbed up and down all the couches and ate half of three cookies while I finished them off for her . So I had a nice time socializing with all my coworkers and enjoyed some yummy half cookies and a lot of coffee . Then after I got home I fed my monkey and peanut and they both passed out and I jumped on the treadmill and ran 11 . 1km . I felt amazing after I was finished and I was fueled by only coffee and cookies . Who knew you could run 11km on just coffee and cookies ! I couldn 't figure out when to stop running , so I hit 10k and noticed my treadmill was at 968 calories and thought it would be cool to break 1000 , so I run until I did . Now while I wouldn 't advise everyone to try this , running on cookies and coffee that is , I would say it was an interesting run and my turkey and cheddar sandwich afterwards never tasted better . You know you are still hormonal from pregnancy when you cry at TV shows where a baby and mother are separated . And people this was Star Trek , not a super girlie show . I am at that hormonal stage where anytime I hear about a baby being hurt , or separated from his / her mom , or a mom hurting a baby I just want to cry my eyes out . I love my girls and I would give my life for them in a heartbeat , and I don 't understand how any parent wouldn 't feel the same . The very thought that a baby could be born into a family and not be wanted or loved just breaks my heart . I don 't want to think about it anymore because it makes me so sad , and my crazy horomones can 't take anymore . One , lucky for me hormone - wise after I saw my doctor yesterday , he agreed that we are going to watch my thyroid more this time . I am getting blood work done next week just to check my iron and thyroid . So now I have to figure out how to get this done with my two babies . Maybe I 'll ask a girlfriend to come with me or do it on my husband 's lunch break . Lucky for me we have lab very close to both my and my husband 's offices so I can get him to come with me if no one is available . Maybe I will just do that . On a funny note , when Steve got home last night Lillian ran up to him and said " hand " . He took her hand and she said " up stairs " and started to lead him up the stairs . She only does that when she wants to go to bed . So he went with her and she was in bed by 7 : 40pm , not her usual 8 : 30pm . Funny little lady . Finally I had an AMAZING run yesterday ! I did my first Speed run . Here is the breakdown : and end speed I went conservative so I wouldn 't be too tired before the speed work started , but that may have backfired . The running speed felt hard the first one , because of the change in speed but after walking it wasn 't so bad . If I 'm being 100 % honest I could have done a 4th set . I also feel that my walking speed may have been a bit slow , since I was fully recovered in less than 0 . 2miles . So maybe we can reduce the walking distance or speed it up a bit . Part of me was nervous about this run because I did the math beforehand about how long it should take to complete and it was over 50 minutes , and that can be a long time for my girls . Katrina really didn 't want to sleep either because she napped during our morning errands in the car , but luckily Lillian was so exhausted sill from the party on Sunday that she went down for her nap from 1 - 4 no problem so I could wait for Katrina to sleep from 2 - 4pm . Next week will be another tempo run and I have lots more usual runs to do this week ! Wish me lots of good baby naps ! The party went amazing yesterday . The baptism was beautiful , and Katrina was very well behaved . She didn 't cry any more than the other babies being baptized and they all took turns so not very much crying at once . A lot of our family and friends were able to attend which made me really happy . A few faces that I expected were not there and that made me sad , but one was sick , one was trapped on an island ( bad weather = boat can 't run ) and the other I 'm not sure since she said she was coming but didn 't show up . But overall it was a blast . I don 't remember too much of it because I kept having to nurse Katrina and get people things and locate things needed for other things but I know everyone had a blast ! In other news , Katrina and I went to the doctor this morning . She didn 't gain much since her last appointment . And by not much I mean she gained 3 oz in a month , which really is not a lot . So now I 'm going to be adding cereal into her diet to try and help her increase her weight a bit . She 's still in the 50th percentile for weight and is following a similar weight path as Lillian did . So I know that she 's good , plus she 's very alert , playful and happy so I know she 's doing fantastic and am okay with that . As for me we are checking my iron and thyroid levels to make sure I 'm good and hopefully I 'll be good to donate blood in January . I 've never done it before but really want to so as long as my iron looks good I should be able to . Posted by So I spent the entire day today cleaning , cooking , running errands and getting everything ready for tomorrow . My running girl friend is coming over to put the food in the oven for me , my family will be attending the Mass , and then afterwards we will all be coming back to our place for a lot of delicious food . I even made two cakes . I made my usual chocolate mocha cake with chocolate ganache in the middle and butter cream icing outside . I also make something called a burnt sugar chocolate bar cake which will be super yummy . The chocolate is Lilly 's birthday cake and the other is Katrina 's baptism cake . So I will try to take a bunch of photos and post some for you all to see tomorrow . comes finisher medals . I have yet to run a race where I didn 't get a medal at the end . I mean I enjoy them and all but honestly what is the point of them ? For someone who runs a few races a year for say twenty or thirty years that would be sixty or more medals . What on earth are you supposed to do with all these things ? ? ? Well I have one answer and the idea comes from my friend Cecilia , but the successful completion comes from me ! We turned them into fridge magnets ! I don 't know if I 've ever mentioned it but my husband is obsessed with magnets . ( Seriously I 'm married to a 10 year old in a 30 year old 's body ! ) So we have all these random industrial strength magnets in our house in every possible shape , size and strength . So I grabbed a hold of two of the long , rectangular , narrow ones and a tub of my mom 's nail be gone glue and since one was porous ( which is required for the glue to hold ) and the other had carvings on the back ( so we could use that for the porous part ) we gave it a shot and they turned out great . The magnets we used came from a local place that sells strong magnets . I picked them up from them and they are a good price for how powerful they are . The place is called Indigo Instruments and if you 're curious the magnet I used is the 50mm x 5mm x 2 . 5mm , but I think I 'll use two smaller ones in the future on such large medals . Maybe two of the 25mm x 10mm x 2 . 5mm would work . Thanks to the super strength of the magnets they can hold a lot of stuff up . I had $ 200 in twenties on my fridge to deposit in the bank , and these babies could hold all of it up including the random papers below it . The magnet I used cost about $ 2 . 50 plus tax ( no delivery fee since we are in the same town ) which is cheap for making a medal into a magnet you can keep forever . So while I still have no idea what I 'll be using every medal I ever get for , unless Lillian wants them all for her dress up box , I can at least say I know what I 'm doing with the first medal I get from any race I run . I figure one of each race is enough and lucky for us , we have a full fridge and stand up freezer , so we have lots of room to put them all on . Confession . Some days I look at my beautiful baby and think " you did this to me " but then she smiles and I think " and you are worth every single ounce I gained and I would do it again in a heart beat ! " The fact that post baby ( once the weight loss slowed down ) with both girls I was 192lbs means I can 't blame one more than another since they both gave me the same amount of work to get healthy again . Though , it was easier with Lillian since I took up running and it was such a huge shock to my system that the weight came off much faster . But an advantage with Katrina is that I have a much better and easier time nursing her . I just started taking my Fenugrek this week to up my milk supply so I can pump easier . We 're running out of pumped milk in the freezer and I don 't have the time to naturally increase my supply by just pumping four or five times a day . But I digress . Today my WI went great , and I am down 1 . 4lbs as of this morning . I worked really hard this week and feel I earned it . After last week 's Halloween candy binge I worked hard to stay clear of it this week , and brought my mini chocolate bar consumption down to 8 . While that may seem like a lot still , last week it was 25 - 30 so that is a huge difference . I also made sure to track every single thing I put in my mouth ( including Lillian bites which I often forget ) , and since Monday ( when my running week reset ) I 've worked very hard on my running and made my tempo and medium runs really count this week . I also checked my measurements this week and in the past 6 weeks I 've dropped 11cm off my body which is not too shabby either . Another reason for my success I believe is that my husband has decided to join me in my weight loss journey . I find it 's much easier to keep myself accountable when he is eating the same thing as me . It 's nice when he eats the same thing I do . When he stays on point like I do . When he has to really think about whether he wants that beer or those chips or that latte . I know he shares my pain and since I 've been doing this for months now I feel I need to set the good example for him and that helps keep me accountable . He managed to drop 2 . 6lbs this week so he 's pleased as well . Now he 's off to work and the gym , and I 'm off to play with our daughters and run during nap time . So today I had another wonderful run . I pushed myself to not step off the treadmill and I only had to once during my 65 minute run . That once shouldn 't even count since I HAVE to check on the baby after 45 minutes if she 's napping while I run . She goes to sleep either in her playpen or swing so I know she can 't hurt herself or get into trouble but I usually check her after 3 . 1 miles ( 5k ) or 30 minutes to make sure she 's still asleep . If she 's up I 'll cut my run short , but at least I can get my 5k minimum in . I 've got crazy mommy hearing so if she cries I can hear her from pretty much anywhere in the house ( which sucks when daddy is trying to give me a bit of me time and she cries ) which is good when I 'm running . And in case you 're wondering the toddler is asleep in her big girl bed in her room and I run with her baby monitor with me . She doesn 't leave her bed when she wakes up , only calls me so it 's not a big deal . Anyway back to the run . I was inspired after yesterday 's tempo run so I increased the warm up / cool down from 4 . 2 to 4 . 5mph and just did my forever pace for as long as I could . I planned a 60 minutes total run , but then at the 50 minute mark decided 60 minutes of forever pace would be better , so I did that instead . I even managed to not step off the treadmill except to check the baby . To be honest I step off it far too often which is a bad habit I 'm going to break . From now one I plan to record the number of times I step off my belt every run , which will force me to be accountable for it . I always have a good reason , but they are more excuses so I can catch my breath . I mean , checking the baby and having to pee are real reasons , but adjusting my hair or clothing , refilling my water bottle , writing my speed / time / distance on my notepad , these are all just excuses to let me breathe so I can " keep running " at my pace I like better than a slower one . If I want to feel good about running 5 . 2 or 5 . 5 or even 6 . 0 for a set amount of time , then I should fully do it , and from now on I 'm going to be much stricter about stepping off . My new running shoes are really helping me since my shins and calves don 't hurt at all . They ache a bit from yesterday 's run , but the good workout ache , not the my shoes suck and my legs are killing me ache . My stairs don 't feel so bad anymore either . So I 'm feeling pretty good about myself today . So yesterday was a rest day and today the raining for my half marathon has begun . Technically it started last week with a rest week but we 'll go with it . While starting 25 weeks in advance might sound like a lot or even a bit excessive you have to realize a few important things . Thirdly , I 'm planning to add some serious cross training in January / February so starting early will allow me to take those months a bit easy if the boot camp drains me some weeks . Finally , I have two small children so it may be a struggle to get in all my long runs when I want to and starting early will ensure I get the kms I need done . So today I did my first tempo run . My running BFF Cecilia is assigning me both my tempo run times and my speed runs so I don 't have to worry about it . I have given her my speeds and times and such , and she has used this data to provide me my run info . And today was the first of many runs . This is being used to train me for long runs that I will need to do on my marathon , and half marathon . I started out running a warm up of 1 mile at 5 . 2mph , followed by 1 . 5 miles at 5 . 5mph which was the tempo run , and lastly I went 1 mile at 5 . 2mph . I found the run to be really challenging but in a good way . Normally I end up stepping off the treadmill a few times to hit the loo , refill my water , adjust things , and so on , but this run did not have any of that . I pushed it and did it ! Wow so when I did my little 5k yesterday I pushed myself and thought nothing of it , but today my legs are a bit sore and I looked up my stats on my garmin watch and the crazy thing is yesterday 's run was my second fastest 5k not on a treadmill ! I managed to run 5 . 18km yesterday in 38 : 26 and the fastest before that was 5 . 17km in 36 : 24 on July 17th , 2010 ! So I 'm pretty impressed with myself today . I have a feeling that I did such a fast run in comparison to my other 5k runs because I don 't tend to run a lot of 5k runs . My strength is distance not speed so I avoid doing small runs because they make me feel really slow and well like a loser but yesterday 's run was awesome ! So I got my tempo run information from my friend yesterday and I have to say it is a tiny bit intimidating . I need to wait for the day this week when my legs feel strong and I had a good night sleep . But with a baby who 's been waking up around 4am for a feeding that could be a challenge , but I know one day will be good and that day I will try my tempo run . So , this week I have a large list of things to prepare for the party but lucky for me , nothing that has to be done on a particular day except baking on Saturday when Steve is home ! So I can go to the mall on the day I want to , Costco when I want to , and so on . It 's going to be a nice , productive week . I also have only a few more knitting needle cases to finish for my friend 's church craft sale . I 'm making them for her as a favour . I 've gotten very fast at it , but sadly it 's now become a bit of a sweat shop , and not so much fun anymore . Steve laughs that I got so efficient it became work . But I 'm almost done , and then I can move on to more fun projects . We were going to have a baby play date today but my girlfriend 's husband is working from home today and I didn 't feel it was fair to him to have all the kids running around . Steve can 't get anything done with our two girls so if you have 5 in total that would be really hard to work through . So we 're having it instead next week . So I had quite the shopping spree yesterday and it mostly entailed running gear ! I bought myself a nice reflective running jacket , a bunch of socks , a winter thermal shirt , two pairs of Saucony progrid guide 4 ( one blue and one pink ) and two tubes of Nuun . I bought the shoes because the guide 5 just came out so they were reduced from $ 145 to $ 90 so I could not pass that up . I even bought one that I handed to my husband when I got home and told him this would be my birthday present from him . He laughed and said sure . I love my new jacket , and winter shirt . It means I can run in the winter and won 't have to wear a cotton sweater and sweat pants this year . I also love that I can wear a blue reflective running jacket instead of my hideous vest my mother bought me , at least for the winter months . In the summer I 'll still have to wear the vest , but that 's okay . Today , I had to do a little outside run to end my rest week because I start my training for my half - marathon in April 2012 . Well since it 's been a while since I was running hill less outside , I thought I should give it my all and I did awesome ! I ran 5 . 18km in 38 : 26 and while that 's a pretty slow 5k , it is the fastest outside 5k run since Katrina was born , and by quite a bit . My first 5k took 1 : 00 : 04 and my fastest other one was 5 . 08 in 43 : 22 I did an extra 100m and still ran 5 minutes faster . So I feel great about that . This week I start my tempo and speed work for my training . My running BFF is just going to assign me speeds and distances and I have to do them and report back . We 'll see how it goes , though I 'm a bit nervous since I 've never done tempos before and I know she 's going to push me . I love the idea of being coached and pushes , but it also makes me a little nervous . I 'll let you know how the first run goes ! I recently created this soup thanks to having so many extra veggies in my fridge from my organic vegetables from a local sponsored farm . I just soak my beans ( with barley , rice or quinoa ) overnight and then toss them into a large pot and follow them with any and all the veggies I want and some garlic , salt and veggie stock . The soup is so simple and good Lillian loves it too . Yesterday she even ate my whole bowl of soup in addition to hers . I am a big fan of raw fruits and veggies . I love apples , oranges , bananas , berries , mangoes , melons , and other yummies . I enjoy turning them into smoothies or mixing them with yogurt , nuts and granola . The same is true for raw veggies . I love my celery , carrots , avacado , cucumbers , tomato , broccoli , cauliflower , and other such wonders . With or without dip , they are so yummy and I find just keeping them around encourages me to eat healthy . I haven 't made these in a while ( they didn 't agree with my third trimester and until this moment I forgot about them ) but they are sooo good . My running BFF is also a fan , and she knows her falafels ! They taste really yummy and even my toddler enjoys them . I enjoy vegetarian food that is not fried , so these are a big hit and are great because you can freeze them once cooked and reheat for dinner or lunch at work . I added a bit of dried chilis to mine to give them an extra bite , which my hubby enjoys . 4 / Roasted Brussel sprouts or squash I have not eaten brussel sprouts for years , but decided to give them another chance since there are very few vegetables I won 't eat . I got some from my organic veggie pickup figuring that I should try local , fresh grown rather than who knows how old store bought if I was going to give them a fair chance . I roasted them , as per instructions from Cecilia , and honestly they were pretty good . I don 't think I 'll start eating them every week or love them to the extent that I love squash or potatoes , but for the two months that they are fresh and local we may enjoy them a few times . Okay I will admit that I am a bit obsessed with spinach . It 's my grandmother 's fault . In Germany they have this frozen packaged creamed spinach , which my oma makes with potatos and scrambled eggs . So I ate it weekly when I would stay with her for the summer . ( They live in Germany so a visit to them lasted 6 weeks ) So when I got older I found out spinach was better for you than lettuce I slowed replaced lettuce with spinach on my hubby 's sandwiches . For me I just swapped it . He never noticed until one day the top of his sandwich and he asked me what it was . I told him and he couldn 't believe he 'd been eating it like that for months without noticing , and it literally was like two or three months already . So now I put spinach on sandwiches , in salad , in omletes , under the cheese of my pizza , in soups , and more ! Today is a very special day for me ! Friday , November 4th is my 5 year wedding anniversary ! I can 't believe that I 've been married to this amazing man for that long already . Steve is a kind and generous son , a loving husband , a devout father , and I am so blessed to have him in my life . Every day I remember why I fell in love with him , and I knew from the moment I saw him that he was the guy for me . I actually heard a song in my head ! And soon enough we were a couple , and haven 't looked back since . He is my best friend , my biggest supporter , my better half , and so much more . I 'm the luckiest woman in the entire world because he picked me and while the last five years have not been perfect I wouldn 't trade a single day of it . The ups and downs have made us the couple that we are , and we will continue to grow together , and find new ways to express our love . So now I have a loving husband , and two beautiful daughters , and I couldn 't ask for more . I hope we have many , many long and happy years to look forward to . Photos in the park he proposed in . I know that usually isn 't something to celebrate but I ate SO MUCH Halloween candy ( aka chocolate ) this week that I am just thankful I didn 't gain . I almost used up all my extra weekly points too and I really didn 't run much other than my Horror Hill race on the weekend . So I considered this week to be a wash and just wanted to stay the same . I really enjoyed the + 20 mini chocolate bars I ate too . And , yes you read that right . I ate more than 20 of those two bite chocolate bars , and sadly we have a box of 100 left over and more that was from other boxes . Next year I will only buy enough for 75 kids ( what we had this year ) not the 100 - 150 kids I stocked up for this year . I will say though that on Halloween I would rather have extra than not enough candy . Nothing is worse than having not enough candy . So here is one of our lovely family photos from a photo shoot we had at the park with my running BFF Cecilia . More will follow over the next few days ! Yesterday was household stuff , like going to the bank and getting groceries . Today is a rest day . Tomorrow we have an appointment at the University of Waterloo because Lillian is participating in a toddler vocabulary study , and I want to swing by my department . Not to mention I 'm going to the farmer 's market before hand . And I have to do all that while chasing a toddler , and feeding a 4 month old ! These really are the crazy times . But I 'm going to make sure that the week after the baptism is quiet and relaxing here . Katrina has a checkup the day after the baptism but the rest of the week will be quiet . Maybe some sewing and library trips and a few runs too . There is something really exciting that happened around here . At the end of October a new library opened up only 2km away from us , so I 'm really excited since they have play times , story times , etc . . . It will also give me a place to go to meet some more moms which is always nice . I have a lot of mom friends who are on mat leave now too so I tend to visit them more but I think I 'm stuck at home a lot and need to get out more but I find that conflicts with the girls nap times and my running . If I go out a lot I can 't run as much , and if I can 't run I won 't lose the weight and then I 'll get depressed . It 's kind of a vicious cycle but I will find a balance soon . Or maybe I won 't . Things change so fast with kids at this age that just as you get used to something it changes . Example ? I just got both girls to nap at the same time in the afternoon and now Lillian is trying to ditch the nap all together ! C ' est la vie ! I hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween yesterday . We sure did ! I ate too much candy but I think that is expected this one day a year , and frankly I tracked it all and today is a new day . The past few weeks I 've been eating 1 chocolate a day which isn 't a big deal and so with a box of over 100 pieces left it 'll take a while before they are all gone . I think we 'll be having a huge candy bowl at our girls ' birthday / baptism party in two weeks . Hopefully that will help us get rid of some of this candy in a way that doesn 't make me fat ! But onto the fun events and photos ! Lilly didn 't want much dinner so we got her a snack of something she always eats , chips . After that we got her in her costume ( no fighting it either , though we were warned toddlers did not always like their costumes ) which was made up of clothes and toys she already had . I call her dress her venn diagram dress . We bought it for church and for her sister 's baptism . For gathering candy I gave Steve the wagon , which wasn 't the best idea . She rod in it from house to house and then waited for dad to pick her out of it and put her back in it after she got her candy . Lesson learned . Next year no wagon ! I managed to run a total of 160 . 14km or 5 . 16km each day of the month . This helped me to achieve my goal of beating last year 's time in my 15k hill run . I wanted to not only beat my time but complete the race in under 2 hours which I did ! So that alone is a HUGE accomplishment for this month . I also have almost gotten back to my pre - baby running on the treadmill . Before my forever pace was 5 . 5mph and now it 's 5 . 2 so I 'm almost there ! On the weight loss front I managed to drop 4lbs this month . Considering a healthy loss is 1 - 2lbs a week and I 'm a nursing mom so 2lbs isn 't good for the baby I 'm thrilled with the results . I think 1lbs a week is a good goal until my daughter is eating more solids , around 8 or even 9 months . Then I can really push myself to drop more weight . For now I think this is just right . I 'm feeling confident about myself , am improving my running but my baby is gaining weight and is healthy , active and growing well ! I 'm a mom . In 2009 I had wonderful daughter and managed to lose my extra weight so I can be a good example for my daughter when she 's older and while doing so I 've developed a serious addiction for running . Now we 've had a second baby in June , and I 'm working hard to lose the weight all over again . I have struggled with my weight for most of my life , and I really want to set a wonderful example for both my girls . I 've got until June 2012 , at home with them before I have to go back to work , and hope to get off the baby weight before I head back . I also have planned my first marathon in October 2012 . Weighed in today , and I am still 148 . 4lbs . That 's 4 weeks in a row now . I won 't complain though . With my thyroid issues right now I & . . . I have a blog I read the looks deep into what woman keep inside their purses . Today sometime mine will be featured . So if you are amused by . . . It 's been a little less than a year since the above picture was taken . It was right after my first 50k , the Trail Factor 50k . My body had never been so . . . Believe it or not , this was my first , non - virtual race of 2014 . What can I say ? It 's been a busy year without much time or availability for racing . But , . . . Hi Gals , I am currently working to switch my blog from wordpress . com to wordpress . org . Didn 't know they were different ? Me neither . This post covers it pre . . . Just updating , as I haven 't been blogging too much . Today is moving day ! The last few weeks have been chaos here . My washing machine decided to quit on us . . . |
The store was pretty empty and as I approached the counter , the two employees behind it were finishing up a conversation . I caught the tail end of it . Apparently one of the regular customers had been in earlier in the day and had gotten rather irate with another patron for parking in a handicapped space , even though the person he 'd yelled at had had the required parking tag . According to the irate patron , who uses a wheelchair , anyone who can walk and doesn 't have the official license plate doesn 't deserve to park in a designated handicapped spot . She agreed and went on to tell me that the same customer yelled at her a few weeks ago when she stopped by CVS with her daughter . Her daughter , she told me , has brain cancer , and while she can walk , she can only do it in short bursts . She tires very easily and every little bit she doesn 't have to walk really helps her . The cashier was clearly still very upset about the way the customer had acted . I sympathized with her . My step - mom had a handicap tag on her car for about a decade and we used to get nasty looks and muttered comments all the time . Sometimes the comments weren 't even muttered . I heard more than one person comment on how being fat must be a disability now . Because yes , my step - mom was overweight . But neither laziness nor fat were the reasons she had the tag . My step - mom developed pretty crippling arthritis in her late 20 's / early 30 's . In order to combat the pain she was in , she took some pretty strong medications that made the pain easier to deal with , but damaged her lungs and weakened her heart in the process . Before she hit 40 , she had both a portable oxygen tank and one at home . The one at home she used like she was supposed to . She was not always great about bringing the portable one though . Even with it , the trip from the parking lot into any store was taxing on her . But as long as she could push a cart at her pace ( or later ride in a scooter ) , she loved going shopping , so we 'd park the car in a handicap space , one of us would run and get her a cart or a scooter and then we 'd head into the store . She was a bit of a menace with a scooter , but she was out and she was happy . Many years later , after my dad had one of his kidneys removed during his first bout with cancer , he also got a handicap tag . He was more reluctant to use it because he didn 't want to give in to how much the cancer was taking out of him . But , after the second surgery when he was without his adrenal glands and down to only 40 % of one kidney , he too gave in and took the parking space he needed . Although , if you hadn 't known my dad before the cancer hit , you probably would have looked at him and thought he didn 't need that space either . I could see the drastic change in him . He 'd once been this sort of colossus , reaching 6 ' 3 and weighing in at about 270 . He was a firefighter and a former football player . He was a HUGE guy . While he still had the height , after the cancer he was down to about 175 pounds and his clothes hung off of him . Since he 'd refused chemo or radiation though , he still had all of his hair and didn 't have the frailty that so many cancer patients have . If I hadn 't known his prognosis , I 'm not sure I would have realized he was really sick either . If I hadn 't seen how hard it was for him to get down on the floor and play with his grand kids , or seen how just walking out to get the mail winded him or seen him fall asleep right in the middle of a conversation because just visiting with family wiped him out , I may not have known he was sick either . Before my parents got sick , I have no doubt that I was every bit as judgmental , but I have learned the hard way that sometimes those with the greatest need are the least likely to show it . I 've also believe that as a society we need to stop trying to fit everyone on some sort of suffering scale . We don 't just have to help , or empathize with or support those who are in the absolute greatest amount of pain or have the most suffering . Just because someone may suffer more does not diminish others who are suffering . I know handicap parking is sometimes limited , but everyone who needs it deserves to have access to it and should not be shamed , and especially not yelled at for using it . Just because you may not be able to immediately see their disability does not mean it is not there . June 27 , 2017 · 12 : 00 pm Teaching Tuesday : Lesson planning I know , I know , it 's summer ! What could I possibly have to say about teaching during summer , right ? Everyone knows teachers only work 180 days each year , so they have 8 - 12 weeks ( depending on the school system ) to just sit around , watch Netflix and eat bon bons , right ? Of course , anyone who has ever been a teacher knows this is complete bunk . In the nearly 20 years since I became a teacher I 've never gone more than a few days without doing something school related . Even during my beach vacation last week , I was answering emails from my newspaper students , helping to facilitate the changes the new editors want to make for the upcoming year as well as coming up with a working production schedule that will actually mean the first day of school articles will be ready to be uploaded to the online newspaper , which , of course , means I 'll be spending the last few weeks of my summer " break " reading and editing student articles . And all of this work is in addition to the real work I do every summer : planning for next year . Today I 've been psyching myself up to really start planning for next year . I dug out my lesson plans from last year and started glancing through them , just refreshing my mind and making note of what I want to change the next time around . I know it is a big misconception outside the educational world , but most teachers are constantly changing their lesson plans . I know few teachers who teach the same material , the same way year after year . As everyone else in my department LOVES to point out , I am a veteran teacher ( they call me grandma - even though my oldest just hit double digits this year ) and I haven 't taught the same class twice , in , well ever . In order to start lesson planning , I need something to plan in . For the last several years , I 've used paper calendars like the one in the picture above . It takes a bit of time , but it 's very simple to augment and print out Word calendars for each of my courses and use those boxes to get my general planning done . I can see an entire grading period in a very easy glance , which I really like . However , right before the end of the school year , one of my colleagues ( and a good friend to boot ) showed me her very lovely Erin Condren lesson planner . And I got very jealous . Yes , that 's right , lesson plan books are actually the items teachers covet ( we also get obscenely happy about back to school shopping - it 's a sickness really ) . If you 're a teacher and you haven 't seen these planners before , I suggest you immediately click on the link I 've provided and take a gander . Go ahead , my blog will still be here when you get back . Although , if you 're like me , that might be a few hours from now as there are so many fun options to pick from . I really , really want one of these cool planners . But they are $ 55 each AND in order to be really useful to me it would need to be a lesson planner / grade book . The website does offer checklist pages , which could be used as a grade book , but the planner only comes with 7 . I can add 21 more of them for an additional $ 10 , but even that would not be enough pages to cover all six of my classes ( plus attendance tracking ) during all four of our grading periods . It seems pretty clear that these planners , while spectacular , are really aimed more at elementary teachers . The events / volunteer pages , absentee log , stickers and grid pages seem to back this theory up . If they are meant for middle and high school teachers , they aren 't very functional for teachers on block scheduling . I know this is probably the smallest teaching upset I will have in the coming school year . I know it 's a bit of a silly thing to be annoyed about , but like I said , I take my school supplies pretty seriously and this one looks super cool . I know it is far more practical to use my free Word calendar pages and one of the half dozen or so $ 1 grade books I bought at the Target Dollar Spot a few years back . I know that the money I 'll save by not buying this really cool planner will be spent on a myriad of other supplies I need for my classroom but my school cannot provide . I know all of this , but I can 't help it … I want the fancy planner . June 26 , 2017 · 12 : 00 pm Chocolate Monday : Back in play with Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate It 's been a while since I wrote anything in this blog … . a very long while . For about two years I was caught up in work , writing a novel and raising kids . I 'm still doing the whole parenting thing , but I finished that novel … or the first and second drafts of it at least and it 's summer break , so I have a bit of time at that moment . On a VERY long drive back from vacation at Isle of Palms , SC , I realized that since I finished my novel nearly a year ago , I have been lax about writing . Not lax exactly , more like just avoiding it . I don 't really have a good reason . In fact , I know that I really need to do another editing pass on my novel and then send it out to some more test readers so that maybe , just maybe , this dream of being a writer that started back when I was about 10 can come true . But I 'll admit it , I 'm scared . I 'm scared that no matter how many editing passes the book goes through or how much positive feedback I get from very kind friends ( so far 3 out of 3 readers have liked it and had a few very helpful suggestions ) , that it won 't be good enough . I 'm not even sure what good enough means , but I fear it . Really fear it . So , before I take the really gigantic plunge , I thought I 'd get my feet wet by restarting this blog . Seems rather fitting as I just finished dipping my actual toes in the Atlantic Ocean every day for the last week . Well , every day except Wednesday when the sky kept opening up and making the outside world pretty unenjoyable . Of course , the inside world wasn 't much better as I was trapped in a house with just about every member of my husband 's family . And while most of them are very nice people , it 's pretty close quarters when there 's no way to leave . Thankfully , it was a truly glorious day . It was warm , but even in town there was a nice breeze that mean walking from the Charleston Crab House , our favorite lunch place , through the open air City Market and then back to our car was actually pleasant . Some years temperatures in the 90 's along with dehydrating levels of humidity and a complete lack of breeze makes downtown Charleston a beautiful , but intolerable place to be . This year our ice cream from the always amazing Kilwin 's didn 't even melt before we 'd made it back to our car . This year I was drawn to Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate , a company I 'd never heard of . I 'm always excited for new chocolate finds and the picture on the package really made my mouth water . Gooey caramel pouring over a chocolate dipped waffle cone ? This sounds pretty much like Nirvana to me . The company is at least 20 % Fair Trade Certified by Fair Trade USA and proudly proclaims all of their Fair Trade ingredients on the back of the package , including their milk chocolate which is made from FT cane sugar , FT Cocoa butter , and FT chocolate liquor . They also list using grade AA butter and fresh whipping cream . I had to give this a try . At first glance it 's pretty fun to look at . Pieces of waffle cone are pressed into the back side of the chocolate . They are scattered randomly , but there are definitely a lot of them . Inside the chocolate is a thin layer of caramel which actually stays inside the chocolate , unlike runnier caramels that pour right out after the first bite is taken . The caramel definitely has hints of vanilla . It 's not over powering though , just a light play on the tip of the tongue . The caramel is rather rich and definitely buttery as well . It 's a bit hard to get the full flavor of the chocolate itself because it gets drowned out , not so much by the caramel , but by the waffle cone . The chocolate is creamy , but doesn 't stand out . I love the smell of waffle cones , but rarely get them because I always feel just a little let down by them . The taste rarely lives up to that wonderful smell , at least not for me . This waffle cone is no exception . I like the taste , but without the crisp of a fresh made waffle cone , the slightly soggy texture of the pieces on this bar make it fall even shorter than its larger , ice cream holding big brother . October 29 , 2013 · 12 : 56 am Chocolate Monday : Disney World I love Disney World . I have always loved Disney World . I will always love Disney World . The first time my parents took me , I was three or four years old and there was only one park in Orlando . I 'm not really sure how many of my memories are my own and how many are just stories I remember my parents telling me . The one that sticks out the most vividly in my mind is the one about my Mickey ears . I 'm not going to try to claim that Disney wasn 't commercial during my childhood , but unlike the current theme park , when I was a kid , the souvenir pickings were definitely a bit slimmer . Every ride didn 't open up into a gift store which allowed you to buy not only Disney trinkets , but Disney trinkets centered only on that ride . No , when I was a kid , the prized Disney accessory was a pair of Mickey ears . I 'm pretty sure that back then they only came in one color : black and if you got your name stitched on them ( which my parents did for me ) , an actual person hand stitched it while you waited . Anyway , I wanted that darn hat so badly , so my parents , being the doters they were , bought me one . We were strolling through Fantasyland , somewhere near the 20 , 000 Leagues Under the Sea ride ( and this is why I think the story might be my own , because I very clearly remember the image of the ride as a child ) . As we were walking along , I felt a hand touch my head and then my hat was gone . Yes , that 's right a grown man , stole my hat , put it on his head and walked away , while I erupted in tears . As an adult , my Disney experience was very different . One of the biggest differences was that instead of having to pick from the rather limited kid 's menus and being told " no " when I wanted a treat , I could splurge and eat whatever I wanted . While I generally tried to be reasonable , when the concierge at our hotel got us a reservation for Be Our Guest ( which meant we got to avoid the thirty minute wait in the rain ) , I figured I should at take advantage of the situation by not only getting a really tasty sandwich , but also trying a chocolate treat . Since there was a chocolate option , I had to go with it . I picked the triple chocolate cupcake . I mean , who can resist not one , not two , but three types of chocolate ? I 'll be honest , I didn 't even bother to read which types of chocolate it had in it . It wasn 't until I got home and looked at the menu to write this blog that I even saw it was a chocolate cake , a chocolate mousse filling and a chocolate ganache frosting . When it arrived , the cupcake was definitely pretty and I soon found myself fending off glances ( and forks ) from my children . I agreed to share , but only after they 'd eaten their lunch . And , I made it clear that the raspberry was all mine ! I gave my son the little chocolate square with the restaurant name on it . He declared it delicious , but he says the same thing about a Hershey bar , so I 'm not taking that as solid proof it was good . The cake itself was a bit drier than I like . Then again , I can only imagine these little beauties get made by the thousands each day , so that 's not really a surprise , just a bit of a disappointment . The ganache had a hint of bitterness from the dark chocolate , which also made this dessert a little less than perfect . The mousse inside was creamy , and tasty , but there just wasn 't enough of it . Tasty , sure , but not as stellar as I 'd hoped . My second chocolate indulgence came at Hollywood Studios . We found Sweet Spells . Since it was close to Halloween , the place was decked out with all sorts of Nightmare Before Christmas and Disney villain regalia . It was fun to look at , but my eyes were drawn to the refrigerated bakery case that had chocolate covered treats . After quite a bit of debate , I went with a brownie shaped like my beloved Mickey ears . It was dipped in chocolate and had bits of toffee stuck to the top of the ears . I 'll admit when the sign claimed it was a toffee brownie , I expected some toffee bits inside the brownie itself . Much to my sadness , the only toffee I got was decorating the treat . Once again , the brownie was a bit dry . This was due in part , to the fact it was a cakey brownie , not the moist , chewy ones I make at home . The chocolate it was dipped in was quality and not at all waxy like so many dipped treats end up being . The toffee on the ears reminded me of Heath and was a nice touch , but once again , not quite what I was hoping for . Good , sure , but I wanted better . My final bit of Diseny chocolate fun came from the food court at our hotel : Port Orleans - French Quarter . Aside from our first and last nights at the hotel , we 'd avoid the food court . Not that we had anything against it , but when there are so many interesting eateries in the park , why go for a food court ? Turns out , this was where we got my favorite sweet treat . The Sassagoula Floatworks and Food Factory Food Court has a little ice cream / bakery section . I 'd tried the beignets it was supposedly famous for and found them ok . A bit too much powdered sugar for my liking . However , on our final night , when I ordered the hand dipped ice cream cookie sandwich … well , it was heaven ! My choice of ice cream ( I went all meta with cookie dough ice cream ) sandwiched between two huge chocolate chip cookies . Although they were a bit crispier than I like my cookies at home , they were rich and buttery and the ice cream helped soften them up . Even though I was sharing one with my daughter , we could barely finish it . We honestly should have gotten one for the entire table , but it was our last night and we were feeling a bit indulgent . It was the perfect end to a perfect vacation . October 22 , 2013 · 12 : 40 am Chocolate Monday : Ghiradelli Fudge Caramel Sauce and Sea Salt Caramel Banana Quake Shake When I was a kid growing up in California , Ghiradelli was an every day name . No matter which grocery store my mom decided to visit , Alpha Beta , Vons or Ralph 's , at the check out line there would be a wonderful assortment of bright wrappers all with that familiar golden banner and eagle . As a kid my favorite was a bar with milk chocolate and raisins . I think it had a purple wrapper . It wasn 't until I moved to the Midwest that I realized Ghiradelli wasn 't a household name . None of my friends had even heard of the confectioner , much less tasted any of their delectable goodies . For nearly 10 years those candy bars vanished from my life . Since I never saw them , I never thought of them . It wasn 't until a road trip to Vegas in my early 20 's that I stumbled upon a Ghiradelli candy shop . It was enormous ( or so it seemed at the time ) and was stocked from floor to ceiling with shiny wrappers , all beckoning to me . Unfortunately , I was finishing up my last semester of college , and since it was the indentured servitude known as student teaching , I was pretty broke . Instead of gobbling up just about every candy bar in sight , I had to settle for a few favorites . After that trip , Ghiradelli once again disappeared from my life . It wasn 't until several more years that I stumbled upon bags of individually wrapped squares available at World Market . Fairly shortly after , I noticed similar , non - holiday flavored bags of chocolatey squares showing up on the shelves of Targets and finally once again at the corner grocery store . However , like all things from my childhood there 'd been some changes . First off , the raisin bar had been discontinued . Second , I could no longer get candy bars anymore . Sure , I could get the squares , and they were great , but I liked finding the bars in the check out line right next to the Hershey 's bars ( and not the King Sized ones either , just regular ol ' standard - sized bars ) . Now , it seems when I do find Ghiradelli , it 's either bite sized morsels or huge triple serving " tasting bars . " Granted , both will do in a pinch , but I do find myself waxing nostalgic every now and again . Two weeks ago my husband and I took our kids to Disney World for the first time . It 'd been just over 10 years since we 'd been and I 'm not sure who was more excited , our kids or myself . I think it actually might have been me ( in all fairness , I knew the wonders they were about to embark on ) . We decided to keep this trip really casual . We had hotel reservations and tickets for four days at the parks , but other than that , we didn 't make any reservations or specific plans . Rather than get all stressed out over schedules , we let the kids wants and schedules guide us . Sure , it meant that we skipped Tower of Terror and Space Mountain , but we also avoided huge lines and everyone had a pretty darn swell time . While looking over the guidebook during my daughter 's nap one day , I glanced at a map of Downtown Disney . To my eternal happiness , I spotted a Ghiradelli shop . I knew I had to go . I casually mentioned to my husband that since we weren 't going back to a park that night , it might be fun to take the river taxi from our hotel ( Port Orleans ) to Downtown Disney just to see what they had . I never once let on that I was dying to go to the chocolate shop , but luckily , he was all for the trip , so after a great romp in the pool , we took off . While we definitely had a nice dinner and some fun shopping , the highlight for me was the Ghiradelli shop . Not only did they hand out samples of their pumpkin spice squares ( very pumpkiny with a lovely hint of nutmeg and cinnamon ) , but they also had two new bars I really wanted to try ( they will be reviewed very soon as I haven 't had the chance to try the coconut bar yet ) . But , more importantly , they had both ice cream and milk shakes . I was over the moon ! I jumped in line and ordered the Sea Salt Caramel Banana Quake Shake , sans banana . It was heaven . Despite the fact that I could barely get it through the straw because it was so thick , everyone in my family was vying for tastes . I ended up sharing way more than I wanted to . If you are ever at an ice cream shop , I highly suggest it . Sure , it was about $ 7 , but it was worth every delightful gulp . As I was getting ready to leave , glass of manna in hand , I noticed jars of ice cream topping on a rack . I immediately yanked the one labeled fudge caramel sauce off the shelf and headed right back to the counter . Because we were at Disney and I had no way to heat it up ( or ice cream to try it on if I did ) , I had to wait over a week to actually taste it , but the wait was worth it ! The sauce is really thick . So thick , in fact , that it has to be spooned out and placed into a bowl in order to be warmed up . After about 15 seconds in the microwave ( I didn 't have the patience to follow the directions and heat it on the stove ) , it slowly poured over the side and directly on top of my vanilla ice cream . Warning : a little of this goes a long way . It is super rich and velvety . It only takes about a tablespoon to cover an entire bowl , but since I put too much on the ice cream , I had the job of eating straight caramel fudge , which I 'm certainly not complaining about . It definitely had the thicker , slightly chewy consistency of caramel , although the flavor was far more fudgy . I only got tiny hints of caramel every now and again . Still , it was so lip - smackingly good , I 'm not complaining that its real caramel claim is textural . All I know , is that I want another bowl … . or 10 . September 24 , 2013 · 12 : 30 am Chocolate Monday : Lindt White Chocolate Sticks On vacation in South Carolina a few months ago , I ran across a Lindt Caramel Brownie stick at a Target . This was the first time I 'd ever seen any sort of chocolate product actually calling out to me ( The wrapper actually says , " Hello , My Name is … ) and since I simply adore caramel and brownies , I had to have it . I enjoyed it quite a bit ( and will write a review of it on here soon ) , but when I got home , I noticed a plethora of equally tantalizing sticks all beckoning to me at my local Target . I had to swoop one of every flavor into my cart . For this review , I sampled three of the sticks : Lime Splash , Berry Affair and Coconut Love . Although I usually dive head first into milk chocolate , I was running a bit low on available calories last week , so I decided to start with the stick with the fewest . Although they are all within 20 calories or so of each other , Lime Splash is the lightest , so that 's where I started . And , since I started with the white chocolates , I figured I might as well nibble them all and do two reviews , one on the whites and one on the milks . The Lime Splash stick threw me for a loop . When I tried the caramel brownie one , it was chocolate surrounding brownie pieces linked with chocolate surrounding gooey caramel . So , I was expecting some sort of liquidy lime filling . Instead , I was met with a wall of white chocolate . Now , it was white chocolate infused with very tart hints of lime , which sort of reminded me of a solid version of a key lime pie . It was a very bright lime flavor which lingered in my mouth and almost made my teeth tingle a little because it was so sweet . Thankfully the teeniest , tiniest hint of buttermilk in this stick mellowed the lime out just a tad . However , the little flavor crystals inside the bar , which reminded me of those crystals in mints , gave it a bit of a grainy texture . Even though I liked the taste , after half a stick I had to stop . It was just too sweet for me . I put the other half in my lunch box , thinking it 'd be a treat for me one afternoon , but so far , I haven 't really had a desire to eat it . I have a feeling I 'll end up giving the rest of it to one of my students . They 'll eat anything . A few days later I decided I really needed to try the next stick . I wasn 't overly enthused about it , especially since I figured Berry Affair would also be a solid chunk of chocolate with some flavor crystals , but thankfully this one had a bit more texture . The white chocolate was quite creamy and it lacked the graininess of the lime bar . It also had a filling of sorts . Now , it says right on the wrapper it has a yogurt filling , and it was yogurt , but not what I expected of yogurt . Once again , instead of being a liquidy filling , this yogurt was sort of powdered . It absolutely tasted like yogurt , but the texture just messed with my brain a little . It also tasted a bit like Smartees . I 'm not sure if my brain made that association because it was powdered yogurt , but that 's all I could think of as I ate it . However , this one also had real pieces of dried cherries and seeds to give it some additional texture , which I really enjoyed . Of the three , this was definitely my favorite , although I have still yet to eat the other half of it . Tonight I figured I should try the last one : Coconut Love . Now , I am usually a huge coconut fan . I love coconut cake and the mere thought of the coconut pancakes I had one summer in Jamaica still makes my mouth water . However , the one way I just don 't like coconut at all is in the form of a pina colada . Now , I don 't understand why this is . I like rum , I really do . I downright love pineapple . However , when it comes together with coconut , there is just something about the flavor that I just don 't like . Not one bit . This one tasted like a pina colada . It had that citrusy hint ( although a little more lime than pineapple ) and all I could think of was that one section was all I was going to eat . I did like the little flakes of real toasted coconut that were in it , but it was so sweet that I was done after one bite . September 17 , 2013 · 12 : 43 am Chocolate Monday : Hawaiian Host Maui Caramacs It is no secret among my students that I 'm a chocoholic . In fact , I 'd say my love of chocolate gets brought up in class at least once a day . Usually , either by my Advanced Placement kids ( who have had me for two years in a row , feel they know me pretty well , and like to give me a hard time ) or by me as an example for some vocabulary word or allusion we are learning . Every day we learn the origin and meaning of a new allusion in hopes that someday when they run into the allusion in something they are reading or watching , they 'll know what it means . For example , the other day our allusion was " Siren Song . " For those who don 't know , this is a reference to the Sirens of Greek mythology who were beastly monsters , often disguised as beautiful women , who lead sailors to their deaths with their irresistible songs . So , when someone refers to something as their siren song , it is that temptation they just can 't turn away from that leads to their destruction . Since I like to give my students practical examples , I brought up the fact that chocolate is the siren song to my diet . They all get it and are amused by how many examples I can truly create based on my chocolate addiction . Now , I 'm not bragging or anything ( ok , maybe I am , just a teeny bit ) , but my AP kids and I have some pretty darn good relationships . So good , in fact , that they even bring me in treats now and again . Just last week I was offered donuts by two different students and despite really wanting them , since I 'd already had breakfast , I did the right thing and turned them down . But then , on Friday of last week , one of my little darlings came in with a box of chocolates for me . Yes , that 's right , almost an entire box of Maui Caramac chocolates . She opened them , took one out for herself , gave one to her friend , and then handed me the other ten . I was rather flabbergasted . Usually I get offered a piece or two , but not an entire box of chocolates . I thanked her profusely for the treats . Of course , that 's when she threw in the catch . She begged me to move the class discussion over Their Eyes Were Watching God one day later because she and another student were going to be on a college visit the day of the discussion and they both wanted to be a part of it . I agreed to think about it and she agreed to leave the box of chocolates in my room . And it sat there all day . I 'm not going to say I 've never moved a deadline before , but in 15 or so years of teaching , I 've never had a student actually bribe me to do it . I 've had them offer hypothetical bribes of $ 20 or $ 50 , but no one has actually ever shown up with the cash and waved it under my nose . But this , this was chocolate . And it was sitting right there on my podium , just staring at me . It was hard to avoid . I 'll admit it , I caved . Not just for the chocolate though . I was already contemplating moving the date since several people were going to miss both of the scheduled discussions due to college visits ( that 's the problem with teaching highly motivated , academically gifted kids , they all have ambition ) , and by moving each one by one day , I 'd avoid all the kids who 'd be gone . This meant not only that everyone could participate , but that I wouldn 't have to grade the papers I make them write when they miss a discussion . Everybody wins ! And , I get chocolate to boot ! The chocolates in question were sent to my student by a relative who lives in Hawaii . Her entire family actually used to live there when she was younger , and since she still has family there , they send her care packages all the time . I remembered her offering me these same chocolates last year , but then I 'd declined . Now , I love a good turtle and these looked to be a macadamia nut version . I 've never really been a huge fan of macadamia nuts . Growing up in Southern California they were everywhere . My folks loved them and snacked on them all the time . I found them to be kind of bland . Plus , when they are baked into cookies , they often get sort of waxy and mushy , which I 'm not a huge fan of . Give me an almond or a pecan any day . Those are strong , tasty nuts ! But , they were something new and I 'm always up for a new chocolate adventure . The chocolate shell doesn 't have a lot of flavor . It 's sweet , but not overly so . The caramel is super sticky and very chewy . Even warmed to room temperature it took a lot of chomping to get through . It 's also sweet and slightly buttery , but doesn 't have the creaminess I love in a caramel . The macadamia nuts are pretty innocuous . They add the tiniest hint of crunch , but honestly the caramel is really what gives this candy the texture . There really isn 't a salty taste from the nuts , no crunchy texture and no real flavor from them , so I 'm not sure what purpose they serve other than to set these candies apart from regular turtles , therefore making them exotic and possibly peaking people 's curiosity . I found them a bit bland . If they hadn 't been given to me , I wouldn 't have sought them out . The good news is that if you like macadamia nuts and you either live on the West Coast or visit airports in Chicago , New York , Texas or Boston , they are pretty cheap . A box of 12 runs $ 4 . 25 . However , considering their relative scarcity for most of the country , the shipping charges make them really not worth it in my book . beetqueen · ramblings from an overworked educator on summer break Blog at WordPress . com . beetqueen Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . Post to |
The writings of a year - round resident of Chacala about the day - to - day life in a small Mexican tourist and fishing beach village , in the state of Nayarit , Mexico . For photos and contact information about places to stay in Chacala , go to http : / / chacalabudgetrentals . blogspot . com . For other info about Chacala , go to http : / / chacalanayarit . blogspot . com This is New Year 's Eve day in Chacala , and there have been lots of campers here since the day after Christmas . I was kind of dreading camping with so many people crammed in around my little camp . But it turns out to be very nice . The people that have been camping next to me are very friendly and I am enjoying their presence . In fact , all the people , maybe eight families in this area , are friendly and open and nice to be around . One thing that is very different about families that are camping here in Chacala is how nice they are to each other . I have camped all over the US , and generally speaking there is alot of yelling ( mother 's to kids , kids to other kids , big kids to little kids , etc etc etc ) . Here in Chacala I don 't remember ever hearing any yelling between anybody here on the beach . And I never here the sound of babies or children crying . ( except when they fall down ) . People seem to camp in family groups and everyone takes care of the kids . The kids are alway watched over and it never seems to get to the point where children are crying for any reason . And the kids run around playing all day , in and out of the ocean , and on the sand , without anyone overtly supervising them . Of course , the adults are always watching them , but there doesn 't seem to be " Pablo , stop hitting your sister ! " , or " Lupe , be careful ! ! " . The big kids love the little kids and seem to always be playing with them and helping them and including them in what they are doing . I think it is true in Chacala in general too . Big brothers and sisters take alot of responsibility for the little ones , siblings and cousins , etc , and seem to be happy about doing it . Most afternoons the little kids that actually live on this part of the beach come over to draw and paint at my table . Ages 2 to 11 over so . And they all help each other and there is never any bickering or arguing or problems with sharing . It 's really quite amazing . I keep thinking , they are just being polite in front of me , but it 's been a month and they still treat each other with kindness and Posted by After two years in Chacala , I think I have finally figured out the up - side of " Mexican time " , the phrase generally used to refer to people showing up when they feel like it , or whenever it works out . Yesterday someone visiting in Chacala keep pressuring me to give a specific time when I would finish working up at Susana 's . And of course I had no idea because all kinds of things can happen where ever you go around town . I could see how frustrated she was as she tried to pin me downso that we could get together later in the day . And I not only couldn 't give her a time , and realized I didn 't want to . I have found out just taking things one minute at a time , and not making time commitments or even having a strong agenda for the day works much better for me than having " appointments " and specific detailed plans for the day . I usually wake up with some ideas about things I want to do during that day , but it 's certainly not written in stone , or even in any particular order . I might want to go up to Susana 's , find the water jug guy and ask him to bring me water , ask Esparanza to wash some beddings , ask Beto if he has a drill he or I could use to repair my new bed , hang out with Dona Lupe and with the people at Chico 's , make sure Concha remembers a guest is coming later today and get some info from Aurora about her prices for a long - term renter for June , and get some bread and tortillas and a couple plastic garbage bags for Esparanza and see if kids are living at a particular puesto , and visit with some of the visitors here that I especially enjoy and go the the correo ( post office ) in Las Varas because I think I have a package there ( because one of the taxi drivers gave me a note from the correo sayings had a package ) . And wash my clothes , eat breakfasst and lunch , tidy up my camp , and probably spend some times with the neighborhood kids drawing and painting on my table . Those are the things on my mind . And by the end of the day I probably did some of those things and probably did a bunch of other stuff : take a walk Posted by This is Christmas Day . Generally it 's not my favorite day in the year , but this has been a very nice Christmas . I had dinner last night with Aurora 's family , and slept all night . Got up and had a great breakfast and then slept half the morning away . Someone brought me today 's Sunday NY Times . Heaven is lying in my hammock alternating between watching the ocean and reading the Times and doing the crossword . Had a nice lunch and read in the hammock and visited with people coming by to say " Merry Christmas " . My favorite Scottish Doctor and wife team , David and Emma , came along with their kids , Dougal and Hamish , and we ate peanuts and visited . Very nice people and I love seeing their kids little blonde heads at the beach . Quite a contrast . David is voluntering at a clinic in Las Varas for about five months , before the family returns to start a new medical practice in Scotland . Chacala is sort of empty compared to last year . Empty of masses of celebrating people from Guadalajara , etc , but full of gringos . Full being 8 boats , 10 motor homes , and five vans , and about about 50 from the US and Canada stayiang around town . ( coorection , Monday morning . People starting arriving late last night , and the town appears to be filling up for the local school vacation period ) . As I write this , Susana and Poncie 's Christmas potluck is starting up on the terrace upstairs , and it 's been a very nice day . It was in the low 80 's all day . Clear and beautiful sky with green ocean water and kids playing and families picnicking on the beach . Everyone else is dressed up at the party and I am wearing shorts and a tee shirt , but I brought a shirt that is slightly better than a tee shirt . Oh well . I hope everyone is having a nice day today . ( Followup : the dinner was great . Excellent food and nice company . - I had kind of been dreading a kind of cocktail atmosphere level of conversation , and it wasn 't like that at all . I think Chacala attractions some very nice and interesting people . Although I like the summers best here . If you are looking for a van or Posted by Yesterday morning I woke up in my tent , thinking I wanted a bed , that my nice 4 inch foam mattress on the ground just wasn 't enough . So I went up to Susana ' a and did reservations , thinking about finding a bed somewhere . On my walk home I noticed an old guy was hauling stuff out from behind Patti 's place ( orange house across the road from Concha 's ) . And there was my bed . I got it for a few pesos , partly because it is kind of old and the wood was kind of crummy . And missing a couple of bedboards . Then I walked on the Chico 's restaurant . I was having a Coke there and resting my foot with the broken toe , and telling the owners / waiters , cooks etc about my " new " bed . Chicha ( the owner ) asked me where the bed was , and then said something to one of the waiters . He hopped up and headed out to the parking lot . Then he turned and sayid , " come on , we are going to get your bed ! ! ! " . So we went up and got the bed and took it to my beach camp . When Esperanza saw the bed and the missing boards , she disappeared somewhere and came back with three boards that fit perfectly . Boards made out of wood are precious here , and very expensive , so I was very lucky . So now I have my smaller tent as a bedroom with a real bed , and all my stuff and my desk in the bigger tent . The smaller tent has a better view . This morning I watched it get light lying on my bed looking out the screened tent window . The waves were huge ! ! ! Every solstice they get big for a day , and I guess this was the day . Beautiful big , crashing waves . There are three kid Christmas parties here this year , plus the nightly posada . Yesterday afternoon the county - level officials came down to Chacala to give the town an reward for being cleanest town in the certain category , or maybe it was third place . But , in any case , the award seemed to be $ 1000USD and a regular sized pickup for collecting local trash . There were also four wooden life guard towers standing there , at the party , but I don 't know who brought them or where they came from . I think there has been food and pinatas beforPosted by Something I had never imagined has been happening the past couple of weeks . People who have been reading my blog about Chacala , this blog , have been actually coming to Chacala , and introducing themselves to me . I am usually at Casa Pacifica in the morning , and people coming for breakfast at the Cafe upstairs come by to say hello . Or come by my camp on the beach to visit . It 's been very nice for me . I have been having email converstaions with some of these people because of the blog , and others have just been reading it . It 's really nice to meet people and talk with them about Chacala and their reactions to being in Chacala after reading my impressions . One interesting thing , at least to me , is that it is not apparent to many people who are reading the blog what gender I am . That is interesting to me , and when I get a chance I am going to go back and re - read things with an eye to identifying my gender . A man told me that since I was talking about grounding the electrical system at one of the houses that he assumed I was male . Whatever . And apparently I mentioned my son and ex giving me a tent for camping and people read that both ways . As I said , I am going back to take a look . Anyway , Casa Pacifica is having a Christmas Day potluck at 5pm for people visiting Chacala , etc . I don 't care for Christmas and usually ignore it , but I might come to that . There are alot of nice people around , and how knows , they might have some good books or magazines . I will probably be going to Chico 's Christmas Eve , but who knows . I think we have going to have a little campfire tonight at Esparanza 's ( where I am camping ) and I like that idea . People will be arriving today and tomorrow for the holiday season and I am half dreading the noise , etc , and half looking forward to it . Some people were over at Las Cuevas yesterday and saw very large manta rays out where they were swimming . Apparently they don 't have stinging tails , but it kind of scares me . Next time I can get a boat ride over there I am going to look . Chacala is starting to see the Christmas crowds , both US and Canadian tourists and Mexican families from Guadalajara and other places in Mexico where it 's cold this time of year . I am writing this on Thursday , a few days before Christmas and most of the rentals are full , but not all . There are places that don 't advertise , but are listed at Chacala budget rentals it you are still thinking of coming down this holiday season or later in the year . Living on the beach has been wonderful for me . I love hearing the waves all day and night , and being outside all the time . I just finished reading a wonderful book called Lizabeth and Me . It sounds like it would be depressing , becauses it 's by a man who what homeless for three or four years . But I really enjoyed it . And it made me think that in someways I might be considered sort of homeless in Chacala , but I don 't feel homeless at all . I have been moving every six months or so , ( always to houses ) but now I am camping . But I have electricity for my fridge , and two light bulbs , a real bed with foam mattress , and showers and toilets about 100 feet away , so I feel pretty comfortable . One thing that 's different about camping here in Chacala is that the camping spaces that are for rent are much smaller than I am used to in the US . They are usually the size of your palapa , about 15 by 35 feet . Mine in right at the edge of the beach , with a very low wall of rocks separating me from the actual beach . My floor is sand with a rock patio buried underneath the sand . The water is about 15 feet away during high tide and about 40 feet away during low tide . It 's great . The water is just beautiful . This morning three young local men were surfing right out in front of my camp , and they looked so lovely , dancing around on the waves . I seem to have broken one of my smaller toes a few days ago , tripping over a piece of tile on a sidewalk in Las Varas . It hurts enough to make me stay at home . I think it will start feeling better in a day or two . It 's kind of nice to be home and have visitors come byPosted by I woke up at 7am this morning , late for me . The sound of the waves usually seem to wake me up at daylight . But I puttered around and cooked breakfast , a bacon sandwich and some grapefuit and watermelon . The ocean was a beautiful green this morning . As I walked up to Casa Pacifica a little later , quite a few people seem to have hangover - headaches this morning . The big fiesta / grand opening yesterday for the new hotel offered lots and lots of free cerveza and tequilla , and food , and the loudest music I have ever heard in Chacala . There was a ten - man band with an incredibly loud speaker system . I went for a few minutes around 5pm , and there were alot of people there . Almost no local people . And a large table of local Americans and American / Canadian vistors . I loved watching the dancing , especially Guillermo and his wife Lupita , owners of Casa Chacala , who were dancing up a storm . Espraranza 's campground had a full complement of kid campers this weekend . A group of sixty kids and some adults from a pentathalon ( not spelled right ) sports club in Guadalajara . They walked over to Las Cuevas yesterday . A nice group . I was surprised how territorial and invaded I felt when I came back to my camp after dark and found it surrounded on two sides by tents , and herds of roaming kids . The first night was kind of annoying . My laundry was knocked onto the ground by someone , and my water jug spilled over . And kids fell into my tent twice that night . But it calmed down by 10pm , and in the daylight the kids were more careful about where they were walking . The moon is still pretty full and the nights are beautiful . It 's still a little cold at night , but tourists are still wandering around in shorts and tee shirts at night , so I think I have just gotten accustomed to being warm all the time . Susana and Poncie are hosting a Christmas Day potluck at their Cafe at Casa Pacifica and Las Brisas is having a Christmas Eve dinner at the restaurant . Everyone is expecting a big influx of Mexican tourists in the next few days . The puestos ( little shackPosted by There is another new building going up on the second tier of lots in from the paved road into Chacala , going north from the new hotel . They have been creating a road to the back lots the last few days . I don 't know what is being built but , it appears to be more that a one - lot construction site . P . S . ( written later , it turns out part of that road will be an access road to the back of the new hotel . ) And access for the houses to be built on the second tier of lots on the uphill side of the paved road . The is also a new road being built in Chacala from the paved road down to the beach road . At the beach road it will come out between Koko Bongo 's and on the paved road it starts just in front of Augustine 's the first of the four buildings on the downhill side of the paved road , right before the corner where the cobblestone road goes down to Juan 's tienda and the beach road . It seems like a pretty steep location , and I guess it will add value to the lots on either side of the road . One of the lots Leo of Koko Bongo 's is selling is on the slope on the north side of the new road . Probably a decent view lot . The lot directly downhill from Gordon 's and across the road to Casa Pacifica now has an ugly ( in my opinion ) motor home parked on a bare dirt fill lot with no trees , plus a bright red truck with a gold camper parked next to it . It looks like a junky trailer park . Just what Chacala needs . A gringo slum . FREE LUNCH UPDATEThe people with the motor home are still camping next to the beach . It sounds like they paid up and then refused to pay for any more nights because soon the Christmas vacationers will be in Chacala and camping around them so they shouldn 't have to pay . I was told that in Spanish , so I may have misunderstood . I haven 't seen if the police returned yet or not . I spent 15 minutes picking up their garbage this afternoon . They and the guy from the US who is squatting in a shack on the beach , have been leaving plastic shopping bags of garbage next to the road . Of course , the dogs were tearing open thPosted by I am not sure if phosphorescent is right word , but the last two nights every wave on the Chacala beach had a beautiful sort of fluorescent glow . It 's just beautiful . Three of us just been an hour sitting in the dark watching the glowing waves It was so beautiful . It 's still going on but I came inside to sleep , But I couldn 't sleep so I am writing . Two of the three bike riders are still in town , camping down the beach from me . They have just finished a semester of studying Spanish in Guadalajara and are very fun to visit with . Will , one of the bike riding boys , and Mishwa , both think the glow is from some kind of algae . It is so amazing . I opened the tent window so I watch while I type . It is just so beautiful . The foamy part seems to be what is glowing , and maybe the almost full moon is adding to the light . Every time a wave crashes light bounces all around . Another lovely part of Chacala , and probably up and down the coast . The traditional walk to the shrine for Guadaloupe did not actually happen last night . By the time they gone to every shrine in Chacala ( built especially for last night and today ) , and had eaten some special foods at each place , it was 2am and everyone was too tired , or had to go to work , or to get the kids ready for school . So they are going tonight . A few minutes ago the fireworks went off and the church bells rang , letting everyone know it was time to met at the church and start the walk . Oops , Mishwa just came back from the walk to the shrine . She said it was lovely . There were about forty Chacala people , including lots of teens . They sang beautifully the whole way carrying candles and she was really glad she went . It 's kind of cold in Chacala tonight . 70 degrees F at 8pm . It 's very dewy in the morning these days , even away from the beach . I don 't remember so much dew from other years . They seem to be more whales coming through again . The new hotel on the paved road , just north of Aurora and Lupe 's Techos , is opening on Saturday afternoon . Big grand opening . Apparently everyone invited , but many local people have told me they aren 't planning to go becaue they haven 't been invited personally . The owner , Luis , is an Mexican / American from Palm Springs , and his family has a cement company there . It 's scary to think of that big hotel up there , 15 rooms , six with kitchens . And a restaurant with bar and a pool . Oh well . I am writing this just before daylight in Chacala . I am sitting on my bed in my lovely tent . I can see it 's getting light in the east and can hear the sound of the ocean . Last night I went to bed about 7pm , planning to take a nap for a couple of hours and then get up and go up to the iglesia , the Chacala church , for the special festivities for the eve of the special day honoring Guadalupe ( December 12th ) . Which is actually today , but the event starts the night before with a kind of Mass with lots of singing , and a hot drink made with vanilla , and visits to small home shrines to Guadalupe . And the a midnight walk to the Guadalupe shrine about a mile down the paved road . We had walked up to the Chacala church just before dark , and it was decorated beautifully , with special flowers and decorations around the lovely statue of Guadalupe . There are several special decorations around town yesterday , in honor of Guadalupe . At Dona Lupe 's restaurant , Fonda Lupe , there is a beautiful collection of framed paintings , and flowers and special Christmas lights . And Maria / Palila and the house next to Sarai 's little grocery / school both had beautiful decorations . Don Enrique 's restaurant had music AND decorations . It just occured to me , maybe the Guadalupe decorations are like Christmas decorations in the States . They sometimes get kind of competitive . Last night , and every year , lots of people from Chacala walk together on the road to Las Varas , to the shrine for Guadalupe . It was originally built about ten years ago on a special tree trunk , and then when the new road was built about six years ago the people of Chacala made a permanent shrine out of cement . People walk there a lot , and often leave flowers . When the collectivo drives by the shrine most people cross themselves . I have been invited to two birthday parties today , one for a baby girl named Guadalupe and other other for my former landlady , Guadalupe . I didn 't put it together until last night that most of the women who are named Guadalupe are named that because they werPosted by Don Beto , an older , long - term Chacalean stopped me on the road today near my camp today . He has a little campground next to his son 's campground ( where I stay ) . He was so upset he was shaking . He was upset because some middle - aged French - Canadians in a very fancy small RV with motorcycle and bikes had parked in one of the areas he collects rent on ( and provides toilets and showers and picks up the trash ) had refused to pay $ 4 a night to camp there . He said they had stayed in the same spot the year before for weeks and had left during the night to avoid paying their rental fees . He wanted me to talk to them . So I tried . I had met the women , an artist , the day before . When I went over to their van , I saw they were hanging out at a house where an American has been squatting in a house on the beach for awhile , and lives sort of next to the camping spot . He and I have been friendly , but we disagree about a lot of things , and one of them is the rent issue . So after we said hello , I said Don Beto had just asked me to talk with them about paying rent on their camping spot . I was kind of nervous , stepping into the situation , but I did it anyway , partly because Don Beto was so upset , and partly because it makes me sick to see people with lots of financial resources coming to Chacala and enjoying its beauty , and not wanting to pay anything ( or complaining about the little bit they are asked to pay ) for their use of such a beautiful place . If you are looking for a place to stay in Chacala , go to RENTALS in CHACALA . Anyone who is staying in Chacala is using the resources of the town , The water , the sewage system , the electrical system , the roads , phone lines , the trash pickup and disposal , and possibly the internet place / English library at the Bibliotecha . The beautiful clean beach would not be beautiful if someone wasn 't be paid to keep it clean . When the holes in the paved road get too horrible ( generally caused by giant contractor trucks speeding to the Marina Chacala gated - community ) , the town men go out and with shovels aPosted by Tonight , just before dusk , three young men from PA and CO came riding into Chacala today on their very spiffy bicycles . It 's the first time I have seen bicyclers visiting Chacala , and they caught the eye of everyone on the street . Polo , of Polo 's famous Tacos , asked me to go tell them to come eat taco 's at his stand , and one of the local kids and his dog went running alongside them . The bikers didn 't notice Edgar but they did notice me , and they stopped to talk . They wanted to know about camping on the beach , and I pointed out the place where the road goes through the opening in the fence . I explained that I thought there might be some areas that no one collected rent on , but I didn 't know where . I also mentioned that when they used toilets and showers in town there was a charge . I also said that if everyone who camped on the beach defecated in the bushes no one could stand the smell . They looked embarrassed , and I hope they think about what I said before depositing their bodily wastes in the sand somewhere . Anyway , they seemed like nice young men , Who knows . They had been studying in Guadalajara after college , taken the bus to Tepic and riden their bikes to San Blas , and then down the coast to Chacala . As the sun was going down they said they thought Chacala was the most beautiful beach they had seen . Another nice thing about living right on Chacala beach is watching to sun going down . The sunsets are often really spectacular . It is happening right now , as I type , and the red on the clouds is amazing . The exact spot the sun goes into the ocean is gradually moving south right now . I guess the place it sets will start moving north at the equinox on the 21st . I think I have that right . I had noticed other times that the boys from the families I am renting my camping ramada from are out surfing in front of this campsite every late afternoon . And sometimes early in the morning , before the sun is up . They seem so fearless . Two of the boys are in their late teens , I think , and I am pretty sure these same two boys have been surfing this spot for at least two years . Another younger boy , maybe 10 , seems to be learning by trying to surf about twenty feet away . Some of the waves are pretty big , and occasionally they coming crashing in so closely together I can 't imagine how the boys survive . But they do . When the waves are at their biggest I hold my breathe and count heads after every wave . I guess I will get accustomed to their expertise after a few weeks of watching them . I am getting nervous about more visitors from the US / Canada arriving in the next few weeks . I like it here better when I know , at least to recognize , almost everyone in town . Oh well . Tourism is a big part of the economy here , so it 's stupid for me to regret it . After all , I am a visitor too . If you are thinking of coming down , please look at Chacala Budget Rentals for ideas about places to stay , and so on . As a kind of volunteer , I help make reservations for some of the cheaper rentals in Chacala . I have listed all the contact info that I have for all the rentals in Chacala . Lately I have been thinking about how people who visit Chacala experience the poverty and social inequities they see here . Living here , I get to observe the different reactions visitors have when they came face - to - face with everyday life in Chacala , as compared to what they expected or whatever it is they are accustomed to at home . Some visitors seem to believe that the access to jobs , education , medical care , and financial security they have enjoyed in their lives is the result of their natural , personal superiority ( some kind of birth right , I suppose ) , as opposed to the good luck to have been born into a wealthy nation . They seem to feel that the entitlements they have enjoyed makes them smarter and wiser than local people . In any case , people with that perspective are generally very willing to share their instant solutions to Chacala problems . Their comments generally start with " if only they would … . " , and are generally offered within a few days of arriving here . Other people fall in love with the town , the natural setting , and ( sometimes ) the people , and want to find a way to live here . Sometimes their idea is that someone should pay them ( preferable at high wages ) to do something here ( teach something , offer massage or medical care or something ) that will allow them to stay here . It 's not clear who would be paying them , or why local people would prefer to hire a non - local person to do work a local person does . Or they want to start of business that will provide them income , without much concern about the impact of their business will have on the local infrastructure , economy , environment , etc . Some people , or sometimes the same people , say things like " I want to help the people here " . Sometimes I ask , help them what ? Make more money ? Have a nicer family life ? Improve the local school system , the water system , the waste water treatment system ? Electrical service ? Practice birth control ? Deal with substance and alcohol abuse ? Have better marriages ? Be better parents ? Save enough money to live in some Posted by One of the high points of my day , was I rented a Coke table from Dona Lupe . A Coke table , as in a small four - person table with wooden legs and a red metal top advertising Coke . For some reason I have coveted those tables since I first saw one . No one really owns them . They are for people who sell Coke ( half the town probably ) , and the Coke guys take them back when you stop selling Coke . So Dona Lupe probably isn 't supposed to be renting it to me ( for 30pesos / 2 . 80 USD a month ) , but I am really glad she did . I am using it in my kitchen area . I set up my old tent this morning , crammed in next to my new tent . I think I am supposed to stay within the boundaries of my palapa roof , which is about 18 by 25 feet , maybe . I don 't think they care if I go out toward the beach / water . I am about 10 feet from the high tide line . So anyway , now I have a tent for my stuff , like clothes , and this and that , and then my big new tent has my bed and a table and chair for my little office . With my favorite drawing stuff , Spanish lesson books , and my notebooks for lists , and space for my computer . I love sitting in the tent looking out at the ocean and the palm fronds . And now I night I think it will be okay to compute , without the bug problem I hope . Oh , the other high point today was that the little neighbor boys , six year olds Carlos and Ricardo came back again today to color with my pens . They really do nice drawings and they love the colors . And I love sitting there with them drawing and watching the ocean , and boats , and pelicans , and people walking back and forth to Mar de Jade , a local small hotel / retreat center . Here 's another interesting ( to me anyway ) cultural difference between gringos and Mexicans in Chacala . Mexicans always look and smile and wave when they walk by , even teenagers ( unless they 're lost in love ) . However , guests at Mar de Jade ( participants at a Zen retreat this week ) seem to either sneakily look and pretend not too , or ignore us sitting here . If we wave they never wave back . I 'll take that back . One laPosted by Sometimes I am just amazed by what other people think . Then , sometimes , I remember that I have misunderstood almost everything in my life at one time or another , so who am I to judge . However , this one thing sort of floored me . Twice this week people staying at the local retreat center , doing a Zen retreat ( apparently a silent retreat , more or less ) have been amazed to hear that there are very affordable places to rent in Chacala by the day , week , month , and year . And that where they are staying is NOT the only option . The retreat center is definitely the most expensive option for a room and bath , but not the ONLY option . Last year a woman who has been coming to annual retreats for nine years didn 't believe there were places to rent here . I asked her where she thought the US / Canadian - looking people were staying and said she didn 't think there were any tourists like that in Chacala . Of course , I know I don 't understand about 90 % of what is going on around me here . This morning as I walked from my camp to the north end of town , and I had four different conversations with people where I still am not sure if we were talking about the same thing . The vegetable truck guy arrived here at about 6 : 30am . He called me by name , which kind of surprised me , although I have been buying from him for a long time . Then , when I reached for some grapes he pointed out some newer ones , saying " major " , better . First time for that . Then he and Esperanza , my new landlady , started making jokes about money , which I didn 't get at all . The water truck man came up a few minutes later . He launched into a long explanation of ( I think ) why he didn 't leave me any change the last time he dropped the water bottle off . I am guessing that 's what he was saying because he didn 't want any money this time . I can understand some people 's Spanish really easily , and with some people I don 't have a clue . Kids are the best . They just go slower and slower until I get it . The kids are very helpful little Spanish teachers . Very patient with Posted by Christmas is Sneaking into ChacalaI knew it was going to be a long walk from my beach camp to the far north end of Chacala ( Casa Pacifica , and even Trini 's ) but I was really tired by the time I finished by rounds this morning . I went to Dona 's Lupe 's to finish packing up my stuff , cleaned the quartos for Cleve 's arrival here in 10 days or so , visited with Aurora , used Susana 's internet connection , visited with a bunch of people around that end of town , bought an extension cord , and visited here and there on the way back into " downtown " Chacala . I stopped at Polo 's and Berta 's taco stand for a Coke break . He has the first serious / permanent banner across the street for his Taco stand , in addition to excellent tacos . I imagine in a month there will be twenty of them across the street all the way down the beach road . It looks like the new construction on the tiny lot going uphill toward the school is a house for Juan ( of the Joker tienda , his wife Mime and their baby Jesus ) . Paul 's ( the one who is building some rentals and planning to open a surfboard / gym place in town ) construction is really moving along fast now . The Canadians house back off the paved road is looking very nice , and a lot of it is plastered with cement now . The Xmas spirit is creeping around Chacala , house by house . Lights here and there , a few shrines , and a lovely ( artifical ) tree at one of the houses near the hardware store . The " owner " of the the motor home campground , is creating another large Christmas tree - like creation in front of the Delphin Restaurant . It 's made of lights wrapped along ropes that go at least twenty - five feet high up a palm tree . There are some days honoring Guadalupe coming up next week . Guadalupe seems to be very important around here , with night pilgrimages , and special events , etc . This is only my third Christmas season in Chacala . The first year I was here I only saw one house with Christmas lights . Last year they were everywhere , and this year all kinds of Xmas stuff is popping up . Guadalupe with blinAndee I am just starting to see some of the advantages of moving to different houses in different Chacala neighborhoods every six months or so . I get to see families from a different perspective . I have been meeting new kids everyday . Last night Carlos drew at my table til dark , and Jessica ( who is a relative of this family is lives about four places down the beach ) stayed practicing her English / Spanish vocabulary list . I am learning more words every day . My new landlady , Esperanza , and her son Carlos are both teaching me words all day . My mind is boggling with new vocabulary . And Esperanza 's daughter - in - law is pregnant and due in five days , so maybe I will get to hold the new baby later on . Yesterday when I was looking for someone with a truck to move " my " new Coke table to my camp , I noticed Cheeto 's green and orange truck at Martine 's ( Chilango 's ) restaurant . It turned his wife , the mother of my favorite two year old , Hector , works at Martine 's ( Chilango 's ) restaurant . Never knew she worked outside the home before . I noticed one of the little puestos ( shack / store ) on the beach road has been lined with a nice screen of small diameter bamboo sticks . The lady there said her son had collected the sticks for her . I like the look . Another couple , about my age , and part of the Chico 's restaurant family in some way , have turned one of the puestos into a vacation home by putting a large tent inside and adding some nice chairs and tables for lounging around on . They have a light , and this morning I noticed a nice bouquet of flowers on the table . I think they use the facilities at Chico 's , and I know they eat there . They are here til February . Yesterday morning I went by Chico 's to do glucose tests for Aurora and her dad , Chico . In the two years I have been testing him his blood sugar has dropped from 300 whatevers to 157 , which is amazing to me considering he is a very serious consumer of tequila and doesn 't take any medication . It 's still not normal but it 's a lot better than it was . I am thinking of Posted by I can 't believe I waited so long to start living on the beach at Chacala . I think I was afraid to try camping in such a new environment , and with no Spanish . But I have loved camping all my life , and I should have moved onto the beach in Chacala sooner . In the US I camped on mountain lakes and on slow rivers in canoes and kayaks . This is very different , and I love it . I 've been in Chacala two years next week and it finally feels like I am in the right place . I am camping under a palapa at Esperanza and Leovardo 's , and right now I am the only camper here . My lovely son and ex bought me a very nice tent and a foam mattress , so I am living in total comfort . I am starting to look for a new hammock , but it will be awhile before I can afford one . This morning I was sitting at my little table under the palapa , kind of mesmerized by watching the waves , when I realized the sea was alive with fish jumping around . Then a pelican arrived , landed right in the middle of all the fish turbulence , and the fish scattered in a second . The pelican kept diving but he finally gave up . Then a minute later a fisherman walked out into the water to about chest high and started casting for fish . Didn 't hook anything and the waves started getting pretty tall , and he finally got knocked over and came in . Then a dog came by and found a dead fish and had a great time tossing it around until it fell apart into pieces and the dog wandered off . I love going to sleep with the sound of the waves crashing . I love the smell of the sea . I love being outside all day . I love watching the ocean , and the sun moving across the sky , and the family here . Lots of kids . I played futbol with Carlos , aged 6 , this morning . I love swimming whenever I want to , all day . What a life . In mid - November I moved from my summer housesit casa ( a long walk from the beach ) , back to Dona Lupe 's ( two blocks from the beach ) , and now after a couple of weeks , I am moved onto the beach . Last night was my first night in my new tent , and I went to sleep with the sound of the waves . I felt so content and at home . Really , the first time I have felt just right about my space . My move to the beach took a couple of days ( well , two trips over two different days ) . I can 't believe how much stuff I have accumulated . I arrived in Chacala with two suitcases and a small backpack . And it took two small - sized truckloads to move my stuff down to the beach . I have accumulated a fridge , three plastic tables , six plastic chairs , a cooler , a tent , a mattress , bedding , and miscellanous kitchen stuff . And art supplies , and laptop and related equipment , extension cords and a light , etc etc etcI am having a harder time working out how to do internet stuff since I moved down here . For quite awhile I have been spending five or six hours some days on the computer . I have my own Prodigy connection now , but I still have to find a phone line to use when I what to go online . Right now I have five families who seem to be okay with me using to their phone lines , so I kind of rotate around , trying not to wear out my welcome . So far it 's working out okay , but living on the beach is different . People say I shouldn 't use this laptop when the air is moist or breezy because the salty moisture and sand - laden air is hard on computers . I think I will try hiding out in the tent with the window flaps zipped up . Then do my normal walk to someone 's phone line to go on - line . There are more tourists from the US and Canada showing up - seven motor homes on the beach and two boats on the water this morning . Five of the motor homes were from Quebec , which doesn 't bode well for the local entrepenuers , at least if the rumors about French - Canadians who travel in motor homes are true . The rumor being they are very , very careful with their pesos and gePosted by Well , things are starting heat up around here . There are a few motorhomes on the beach , a few boats out in the harbor , and more gringo faces in the retaurants , and on the beach . I have the impression there are more long - term ( month or more ) visitors in town this year . Local people are still hurrying to get thing done , and some of the contruction projects are still going full - blast . The flower blossoms are starting to fade . We have only had about 10 minutes of light rain for almost two months . Things are still green though . My landlord from where I housesat the last two summers is back in town , as are a few other old - timers here . I am moving to the beach in a few days . I wa invited to three birthday parties last week and had a great time at each of them . My favorite was for Alexis 's 6th birthday . We had cake and coke at the beach , just a few of us , and it was very very sweet . I love it that I know some many kids here . Any watching grow them from right after birth until two years old is very neat . I have the impression that little boys here generally have alot more contact with other males , dads , uncles , grandads , cousins , etc than most boys at home . You often see little little boys riding with their dads in trucks , or coming to work with them , or whatever . Unfortunately , you don 't see the girls with their dads but I guess that 's another story . I am using a horrible keyboard at one of the computer places in Las Varas . I am here because I couldn 't get change for a 50 peso bill anywhere else . I couldn 't get any change from anywhere . I needed change so I could pay the surcharge on a package I got at the postoffice . They don 't have change there . You have to have your own change . The whales are here . Saw three yesterday and a couple the day before . Incredible . If you are thinking of coming down this winter , Aurora has some openings left for both her kitchen units . One of her downstairs room has a new basic kitchen added to its covered patio . The door to that unit has been moved so that the bathroom has an inside entrance to the bedroom . The other downstairs room now has a new patio roof and a new cement floor . The upstairs unit with a covered patio and kitchen and excellent view is still my favorite , but the new kitchen patio downstairs is great . This is my favorite rental place in Chacala . Close to the beach and stores , but very clean , quiet and private . Never any water , trash , or bug problems . No dogs or chickens . And the family is wonderful , friendly and helpful . And Beto takes visitors out in his boat for reasonable prices . Just a plug for my favorite family . Concha also has some openings . She also runs a nice place , clean and pleasant with a nice family . You can make reservations by emailing Andee at anchacala @ gmail . com or look at Chacala Budget Rentals for more information . Another lovely day in Chacala . Light about 5 : 55am and dark at about 5 : 45pm . Sunny and clear . Six " yachties " in Chacala Bay this morning , and one motor home and a camper from the US . Some Mexican and non - Mexican tourists . Maybe six or eight gringos . Today a couple from Michegan ( can 't remember how to spell it ) returned to their two year old house here , planning to stay for five months or so . Another American also returned to her rental a few days ago . Another couple planning to stay for the winter at their home in the Chacala Marina arrived two or three weeks ago . Most of the vacation - type rental reservations seem to start about the 12 or 13th of December . Watched the new cement patio floor go down at Aurora and Beto 's right - hand side downstairs rental . Looks great . Beto and Noe 's helper , Javier , worked all afternoon into the dark ( in fact they are still working now , at 6 : 30 ) mixing cement by hand for Noe to spread . Visited with Trini today and she showed me plans for the new Kinder addition , to be added to the current building . Trini said it looks like a couple of Rotary groups , one from Omaha , are planning to fund the construction and do some finishing work on the project when they arrive . I am not sure how definite the project is , but it sounds great . The whole play area at the Kinder looks very nice . A huge improvement from a couple of years ago . The parents of the Kinder students are very involved this year in making improvements and doing maintenance . It you are coming down , you might consider bringing some classroom materials for the Kinder , or a little cash . You can just drop things by the Kinder 9am - noon weekdays , while class is in session . It is right beyond the church , a small building covered with murals and a big playtoy , provided from Rotarians , in the school yard . The Kinder is separate from the Bibliotecha , so anything you bring for the Kinder should go directly there . I hope that makes sense . Al the construction projects around town are progressing rapidly . I have the impression everyone hasPosted by Today was the day for water problems . Saturday , the water guy ( truck with five gallon plastic jugs of possibly drinkable water ) didn 't show up , and also didn 't show up again today . Saw him downtown this morning and he promised to bring drinking water up in one hours ( his timeline ) . But he didn 't show . I knew he wouldn 't because he delivers the lower road one day and the upper road the next day . He doesn 't like to mix up his routes . So no drinking or cooking water Saturday , Sunday and Monday except for quart bottles . Meanwhile , this morning my landlord disconnected the electricity while I went back and forth on the collectivo to the lavendaria in Las Varas . There has been no water except for occasional toilet flushing since I moved back in , and no water for washing clothes . It turned out that my landlord had disconnected the electricity at 7am . He apparently was expecting the new pump to come sometime today , so he disconnected the wire at 7am . When I discovered this at 11am the rest of my perishable food ( from yesterday 's power 17 hour power outage ) was gone . Disconnecting the electricity is a matter of unwrapping a small piece of black electrical tape and untwisting a wire . The only reason I realized the electricity was off was he came looking for some bandaids to reattach the wires . While we were waiting for the pump to arrive he decided to replace a burned - out light bulb on the dark end of the house . I got him a chair to stand on and a bulb and watched him . He managed to get the bulb out of the fixture but was unable to screw the new bulb in . I have never seen someone be unsuccessful at screwing in a light bulb . When he went to some tool ( he said it 's name in Spanish ) I quickly screwed the bulb in and turned the light on before he got back . So he didn 't get a chance to attack the fixture with some tool . Then my landlord left , and a few minutes later a great guy , Guillermo , owner of Casa Chacala and the Water Board guy , showed up . He came with the pump , a pipe wrench , ( which is a very unusual tool arPosted by Yesterday I saw some kids at the school practicing some kind of parade manuevers . At lunchtime I asked Aurora what that was all about and she said the kids have a Revolution Day parade around town every November 20th . This morning we awoke to find the electicity had been off since one in the am . At 8 : 30am we walked down to the beach road to watch the parade ( me ) and join the parade ( Aurora ) . ( It turned out the electricity was off from 1am until 6pm ) . It turned out that the parade encompassed every age group . From the two years olds ( Mariana and Antonio ) walking with the ten Kinder kids , to nine adult students ( some more than 50 years old ) who are part of the adult learning classes taught by Sarai . Women ( plus one man occasionally ) are working toward their primary and secondary certifications . Some of the women were working on writing the alphabet at the start of the year . Most of them are in their late thirties and early forties and never went to school or only had two or three years of crummy schooling as children . Many of the woman in Chacala are so incredible , working hard for themselves and their children . Looking into the future and figuring out how to move into the 21st century . There are some very strong and competent woman here , and they struggle hard against the poverty and lack of water ( there is never any potable water here except by the 5 gallon jug delivered by truck ) for washing , toilets , etc . And the impact of machismo , corruption , inadequate educational system , and etc etc etc . Anyway . . . . I was really moved when I saw the women were all wearing school uniforms ( white blouses and navy skirts ) just like the Chacala primary kid 's uniforms . They were marching proud , and in step . They have every reason to be proud . There are 74 marchers , including the adult students . No kids from Chacala going to secondaria or prepatoria were in the parade because they are marching with their schools in Las Varas and La Penita . And some of the Chacala kids who go to primary marched with Chacala here in town . It was a very iPosted by Another lovely day in Chacala . Light about 5 : 55am and dark at about 5 : 45pm . Sunny and clear . Six " yachties " in Chacala Bay this morning , and one motor home and a camper from the US . Some Mexican and non - Mexican tourists . Maybe six or eight gringos . Today a couple from Michegan ( can 't remember how to spell it ) returned to their two year old house here , planning to stay for five months or so . Another American also returned to her rental a few days ago . Another couple planning to stay for the winter at their home in the Chacala Marina arrived two or three weeks ago . Most of the vacation - type rental reservations seem to start about the 12 or 13th of December . Watched the new cement patio floor go down at Aurora and Beto 's right - hand side downstairs rental . Looks great . Beto and Noe 's helper , Javier , worked all afternoon into the dark ( in fact they are still working now , at 6 : 30 ) mixing cement by hand for Noe to spread . Visited with Trini today and she showed me plans for the new Kinder addition , to be added to the current building . Trini said it looks like a couple of Rotary groups , one from Omaha , are planning to fund the construction and do some finishing work on the project when they arrive . I am not sure how definite the project is , but it sounds great . The whole play area at the Kinder looks very nice . A huge improvement from a couple of years ago . The parents of the Kinder students are very involved this year in making improvements and doing maintenance . It you are coming down , you might consider bringing some classroom materials for the Kinder , or a little cash . You can just drop things by the Kinder 9am - noon weekdays , while class is in session . It is right beyond the church , a small building covered with murals and a big playtoy , provided from Rotarians , in the school yard . The Kinder is separate from the Bibliotecha , so anything you bring for the Kinder should go directly there . I hope that makes sense . Al the construction projects around town are progressing rapidly . I have the impression everyone hasPosted by I moved down to Dona Lupe 's today . This is my first night here , and I am computing off the battery , which I have only done before , when the town electricity was off . Most of my stuff out on the terrace . It feels good to be here . I forgot how nice the view is , and how nice it is to be close to Aurora and Beto 's and the store and the beach . I am just here for three weeks . I think I will spend some time sorting through the stuff I have collected in the lasts 23 + months and get rid of stuff . Changes around town . The new hotel next to Dona Lupe 's looks nice , if a large three story + building can look nice in a village the size of Chacala . There have been meetings every day or evening for a bit , with government officials and other people here every day . A few days ago a team of six or seven people appeared to be measuring the distance of water lines ( maybe ) . Unfortunately one of the men holding the end of the tape kept dropping the tape and they would ( apparently randomly ) just start measuring wherever . I think most of the meetings are politicians selling themselves but who knows . The agenda is supposed to be getting more water here . The little tiny lot that was for sale last month has been bought ( I think by a local person ) and it looks like someone is getting ready to build on it . It 's the third lot down from the schoolyard on the right as you are walking up the road toward the school . A bunch of tree / shrub stuff has been cut down and holes are being dug . One of the workers said Juan had bought the lot . I personally know nine Juans in town , and I don 't know which one this is . The lot was for sale for $ 18 , 000USD to gringos , and I don 't know how much it went for . And Leo of Koko Bongos has a lot for sale , kind of behind the motel Kenna . I think it 's on a flood plain , but when I asked him he shook his head . The head shake could mean don 't ask , or not it 's not or it could have some other subtle meaning I didn 't get . The man named Steven who camps on the beach in a red truck with a gold camper , is now developiPosted by My landlord hasn 't made it to Chacala yet , and I am almost totally moved out of his place . But I won 't have a phone line at Dona Lupe 's so I 'm going still hanging aound here during the day , cleaning and computing . I just can 't stand to cut my umbilical cord ( the phone line to my laptop ) . Some news . The blonde guy who is working on the restaurant across from Juan 's tienda ( the little market at the only corner on the beach road ) is really going gung - ho . The workers were digging a huge ditch along the road in front of it this afternooon . God knows what they were doing . Someone told me in Spanish but I didn 't get it . There seems to be very little enthusiasm among the local people for the project , but the two or three gringo males around town seem to be hanging around there most of the time . Leo , of Koko Bongos restaurant , wants to sell a lot behind Posada Kenna for 49 , 000USD . Its 14M by 30M and may or may not be on the flood plain back there . I think I have the location right . The office / two unit rental , maybe with swimming pool , that 's across the street from Concha 's Techo is now painted bright yellow with nice wood trim . The cover to the septic tank is almost finished . The rentals each have two beds in them . Don 't know who owns the place . Just know the builder and his crew . Juan did the painting and he did a great job . There was a little water committee meeting at the newish restaurant last night . I think its a neat place to have a meeting because there all no walls , just a roof and anyone can stand and listen without making the commitment of opening a door , etc . This afternoon there was a bigger meeting , with a bunch of officials from Compostella , the " county " seat , and including some State people from tourism . But mostly it was about the water situation here ( as in lack of water ) . Trini sort of drug me into the meeting . We sat in back and whispered about her new websites we are doing for her Spanish lessons and some other things . I could actually understand some of what the speakers said , but they talked so quietly iPosted by Life in Chacala keeps changing on me , and that 's a good thing . I think . I woke up this morning overwhelmed with sadness about it not working out with moving into X 's Techo rental . But within minutes things got better . I finished packing up most of my stuff , and checked my email . Then I did some errands around town . I dropped an empty Coke bottle off at Guia 's house . She is one of about 25 local residents who sells cokes from her house . Talked to Juan 's mom Lupe about when he and Pablo were coming over to finish moving me . She said she thought they were coming up when they finished with their morning fishing chores . Went to the store , and on the way home told Concha that a two week rental reservation for her $ 15 a night room was probably bogus . The guy wanted to pay with an International money order . I don 't know what that is , and didn 't want to deal with it , and neither did Concha . So I asked for a deposit in dollars via PayPal , bank deposit , or Western Union , and that was the end of him . Talked with my new / old landlady , Dona Lupe about bringing my things down later , and she had already cleaned the room and patio . At Aurora 's we checked my plants , which she is babysitting for me , maybe forever . And talked about rental dates coming up . She had helped me find a couple of other cleaners besides Chavela for Gordon 's , since I am running so late on getting me out of there so the place can have a good cleaning . Then we will move everything upstairs and then clean the downstairs apartment . I was hoping to spread it out over three days , but that 's not going to happen since I am on such a tight time schedule now . A local friend came over and we started creating a blog for her . It was alot of fun but we didn 't get to finish because Pablo came to help me move . Pablo and I did a load together and then Juan helped on the second load ( with the refrigerator ) . Pablo is in his first year of Tourism training at the Techological Institute near Pueto Vallarta . We moved a total of three loads today and yesterday ( one load was my plants goiPosted by I love my life in Chacala , but not every second of it . Someone just commented to me in an email thatafter reading this blog , they couldn 't tell if I liked living here or not . I LOVE living here , and here are some of the reasons : 1 . I can wear shorts and cotton short - sleeved shirts and rubber flip - flops everyday . Everyday except once or twice this year when the mosquitoes were bugging me while we were playing cards in the evening . Last winter there were three or four weeks where some of us played cards most evenings with English and Spanish speaking kids and adults . The rule was supposed to be that Spanish speakers spoke English and English speakers spoke Spanish , but it wasn 't a hard and fast rule . Then we had hot chocolate and treats some nights . Very fun , but some nights were pretty buggy right after sunset . And I don 't feel any particular pressure about clothes here , which is very nice for me . Some local people dress very well on occassion , but it doesn 't seem to be a big deal . People wear all kinds of things . 2 . It is easy to go five or six days without spending a cent . The only thing to spend money on around town is food and pop or drinks ( for those that want drinks ) when you are hanging out with people at one of the restaurants or on the steps at one of the stores . I only eat out maybe once every other week , and that is very cheap . Fish , etc for about 40p . 3 . The local people are very comfortable to be around , and friendly and nice to me . I get lots of visitors and I like it alot . When I am walking somewhere around town ( to the beach or someones house or the store or whatever ) it always takes forever because everyone is so friendly and there are always things to talk about . 4 . People help me with my horrible Spanish and only a few people let me know that I really should settle down and learn good Spanish instead of kind of faking it . 5 . I am learning lots of new stuff about life , and also about plants . Gardening and plants are very different here and I am learning alot . I am learning about being patient and lettiPosted by Yesterday was one of those days for me . A nice day when everthing seems to be in sync . Well , almost everything . My moving is still in limbo while the screens get installed , gas hooked up , etc etc . I can 't figure out how to wash sheets and towels by hand ( like I do my other laundry ) so every three weeks I take three weeks worth of sheets and towels in Las Varas to the lavenderia . Yesterday I walked down the driveway to the road with my two laundry bags , and a neighbor drove by a moment later and took me right to lavanderia , which is called Lulu 's Seco Facil , ( or Easy Dry ) . Walked back to the middle of town , and as I was walking by the post office the mailman saw me walk by and came runnning out to tell me I had a little package . Very nice . Didn 't expect anything so I wouldn 't have stopped there . Went to the fabric store where they sell oilcloth for table tops and got two pieces for my new place . Somehow it was half - price day and I got a meter of each pattern for 26 pesos total ( about $ 2 . 20USD ) . A meter is about 40 inches . I was happy with the colors and happy with the price . Got a large watermelon for 10 pesos ( 90 cents ) and a pineapple for 10 pesos also . Walked around the corner and there was another neighbor 's truck . So I visited with Mrya and her 1 year old Fernanda at the Myra 's father 's shoe store . Myra is married to Chico 's youngest son , Moula ( nicknamed that because he loves money and wants to be rich ) and she works at Chico 's several days a week . After we visited for a couple minutes my neighbor walked up and I got a ride home . Very nice . Spent the day struggling with the final details of my moving to Laura Sura 's , which is not going well . I finally reached the point of frustration where I again realized I have no control over what anyone else is doing and was able to kind of relax and take a deep breath instead of screaming with frustration . I wouldn 't have really screamed , but I felt like it for a minute . Anyway , went over to a nieghbor 's and hung out and relaxed . Until I had been here for a year or so I neverPosted by |
I feel pretty sure that this has been the fastest and yet also the longest six months of my life . I can 't believe Nathaniel is halfway to a year old ! And yet , I also can 't believe we have made it this far . There were days I didn 't think we would . There were some seriously hard days and we still have those days more often that I 'd like to admit . But I think we are past the hardest of it and I 'm sure it will get easier as he becomes mobile . Its just so hard having to hold him every waking moment ! SO here are his stats ! He 's 19 lbs 4 oz and 29 inches . He 's pretty big ! I can 't remember the percentiles these stats put him in ( the big kids were being terrors at this dr . appointment ) but I think it was the 90th ? Just like the other two , he 's on the chunky side . : ) He had 4 bottom teeth as of his half birthday . FOUR ! And now , just 2 weeks later , he 's got 2 more and another 2 popping through on top . I know the teething is a large part of his fussiness . Most babies don 't have 8 teeth until they turn one , Audrey and JJ didn 't have any teeth at 6 months . So my hope is that once he has all 8 fully in , he 'll be more comfortable and won 't need to be held so much . He loves watching Audrey and JJ . His play area is in the living room ( obviously ) and so he 's right in the middle of the action with the other two running around . He really wants to play with their toys and he 's starting to pull his knees up under him to attempt to crawl . Right now he 's rolling and army crawling his way around and can get to things within a couple of feet - If he doesn 't get frustrated and start crying first ! He took his first bath in the big tub last night . I was very brave ( out of necessity ) - I put him in the tub with Audrey and JJ ! All three in the tub with him still being new to sitting up was pretty scary on my part , but I didn 't have another option . Josh was working late and they needed a bath . So I either put nathaniel in his jumper and let him cry while I bathed them and then give him a bath later after they went to bed , or do it all together . Well , I 've been doing that for the past 6 months and I 'm over it ! On to the big tub ! I definitely had to watch them all closely and I don 't think Audrey and JJ liked that they couldn 't splash around , but they 'll get used to it and he 'll be bigger before we know it . He 's started eating pureed food . So far he 's had green beans and squash . At first he didn 't like it , but I think it was just the new texture thing . Last night he happily ate half a jar of green beans and wanted more ! He 's also gnawing on bananas and apples when I put them in this little mesh feeder thing . He loooooves apples and tries to steal them from us when we eat them ! I 'm just afraid he 'll bite off a chunk and choke so I am not ready for him to have them yet . He 's like Audrey in the sleep department - he doesn 't sleep ! Well , he does just not long periods of time like JJ did at this age . Overnight he sleeps about 12 hours but still wakes up every 2 hours . Or more . He sleeps in the crib for naps and the first stretch of sleep , but I bring him to my bed around midnight so I don 't have to keep getting up . I don 't mind that - I 've always liked sleeping with the babies . : ) Halloween was fun this year . We did a Frozen theme of course . Audrey wanted to be Elsa and I found patterns for dresses that my mom could make , so she willingly obliged to sew them for us . Audrey 's dress was unique and different from the hundreds of other Elsa 's out there , and she thought it was really awesome that Josh and I were dressed up too . The first time I tried on my costume she just stared at me in wide - eyed amazement and with such excitement . And when Josh walked in dressed up like Kristoff she was equally thrilled . JJ was cute as a button in his Olaf costume . So little and huggable . Nathaniel was a troll ( you have to see the movie ) so he just wore a gray outfit and a hat . We went trick or treating with Matthew and Cristina and Dad and Lisa like we usually do . It was cold so we all had on coats , but a few houses in to it , Audrey saw another Elsa . She walked right up to this girl , unzipped her coat and was like " I 'm Elsa Too ! " . It was so funny and cute . I think she really enjoyed seeing all the costumes and of course she LOVED the candy . One house even gave out ice cream bars ! I took Audrey to see Frozen on Ice a few weeks back and it was a HIT ! We met dad for lunch on campus since the show was at the Patriot Center and then we walked over and got some overpriced Frozen gear and overpriced snow cones and then found our seats . I was very pleased to see how good our seats were ! Audrey could see everything perfectly . She didn 't sing or dance but I wasn 't really sure if she would . . . I think she was overwhelmed by all the noise and so much to see so she really just sat there staring and taking it all in . She was sad to leave and said she really really wanted Elsa to come home with us . Lexi and Tiernan flew here for the week of Thanksgiving . It was very last minute but such a nice surprise to have them here twice this year ! The kids had fun playing together ( most of the time ! ) and I loved being able to chat with my sister whenever I wanted for a week . We spent the evening before Thanksgiving over at Lauren 's having pizza and letting all the kids play . Then for Thanksgiving Day we all went over to Josh 's aunt 's house for dinner . SO GOOD . I didn 't stuff my face as much as I wanted to because of the kids being crazy , but that 's probably better anyways . : ) Now we are all the way in to December and JJ 's birthday just passed and Nathaniel just turned 6 months . How ! ? ? I love watching them grow but I do worry that it 's happening too fast . . . so as usual I 'll end yet another post by saying I 'll try to write more updates when I can . . . expect photos of JJs birthday and Nate 's 6 months soon . Yesterday was my 30th birthday ! Can you believe it ? I still feel 17 some days . And other days I feel like I must be 75 years old . haha . The birthday surprises started a couple of days ago . I really didn 't want to do anything much for my birthday . Going out sounds exhausting , so maybe a nice dinner with Josh was really all I wanted . Josh and Maria surprised me big time with a one night stay in a hotel . . . by myself ! ! Ahh ! This may sound quite boring and even lonely to some , but for me it is literally a dream come true . They told me about it a couple days ahead of time so I would be sure to not make plans . Then they surprised me with a gift certificate to a spa so I can get a massage or a facial or whatever I want ! I thought about using it while I was away at the hotel , but decided my stay was too short and I will just use the spa day another time . On the morning of my birthday , they surprised me with yet another gift - a MacBook Air ! I have been wanting one for about 2 years but its something I couldn 't justify for myself . I am so excited to finally have a computer I can ( hopefully ) rely on ! I 'm making an appointment soon to go in to the Apple store so they can teach me how to use it . Haha . Later in the day we went to lunch with the Arnold 's at Sweetwater . It felt very special to have everyone there celebrating with us . Of course the kids were all over the place , but Josh and the rest of the family handled them all so I could have a bit of a break . : ) After lunch I went home and packed a small overnight bag and said good - bye to my loves for the night ! I checked in to the hotel and after sitting in peaceful , blissful silence for a while , I decided to head over to the mall for some shopping ( ALONE ! ) and to get a new book . I bought myself a new pair of pants and Gone Girl , a book everyone has been telling me to read . When I got back to the hotel I grabbed a glass of wine from the bar and went up to my room to enjoy a quiet evening alone . I took a hot bath , listened to some music , sat in bed playing on the iPad , and then read about 2 pages of my book before falling asleep in the giant comfy bed . While I 'd like to say I slept all night , that is not the case . I don 't think my body knows how to do that anymore ! ? I woke up a couple times and then got up for the day at 7 . I went down and grabbed a cup of coffee and sat in bed catching up on a lot of work and other things I wanted to get done before going back home . Took a long hot shower with the door closed . Ha ! Lauren and I also went out for my birthday drinks and a movie the week after my birthday . We made it through the drinks part , but we fell asleep a few minutes in to the movie . So old ! We could have gone back to the bar for another drink , but I felt so tired and just wanted to go home . Such a mom move ! While it may seem silly and boring to some , this was exactly the birthday present I wanted . I feel rejuvenated and ready to take on the world . And the kids . : ) I can 't wait to see what the next 30 years brings my way . Nathaniel has changed . In a GOOD WAY ! No more crying . No more screaming . No more bouncingswayingwalkingswaddlingohmygodpleasejuststopcrying . I don 't know what happened exactly . Maybe it was because I started being more consistent with his reflux meds ( likely ) . Maybe he just outgrew whatever it was that was ailing him ? I think a large part of it is that I have slowed things down around here . I have high expectations that we must always be doing something and going somewhere and I think that just overwhelmed all of us . I am making more of an effort to be home for consistent naps and it seems to be paying off . For a week now , he 's been taking 2 hour naps in the morning and sometimes 3 hour naps in the afternoon . It is amazing . I still find myself pacing back and forth at the 40 minute mark waiting for him to wake up screaming , but he 's been sleeping right through . It is such a relief . I 'm able to dedicate time with the big kids again , and they need that . Nathaniel now smiles and laughs and just loves it when we get close to his face talk and play . Right before things got better , they got worse . Much worse . I knew he was teething but I didn 't expect any teeth any time soon . I was wrong ! He popped two bottom teeth right after he turned 4 months . He is much better now , although the drooling hasn 't subsided so I wonder if he may be getting another soon . He has started pushing himself around during tummy time so I have to watch him a bit more to make sure everything withing a certain radius is safe . He still doesn 't tolerate laying on his back much and he wants so badly to sit up , but he isn 't quite there yet . He just wants to be big ! Middle Child next . There are big things happening with Joshua Jr right now ! At school , they start working on potty training at 18 months . His teacher suggested we start with him at home and see what his interest level is and then they would assess at school when to start . Well , he was very enthusiastic about the potty when we pulled it out , so last weekend ( JSR was off work ) we decided to try out some underwear and just go for it . The thing about just going for it , is that you can 't really go back . So he 's in underwear now when we 're at home and at school . He typically will tell me when he has to go , but sometimes he 'll starting peeing a tiny bit and then will run to the bathroom once he realizes he 's wet . So we 're not having big wet accidents , just tiny ones . I think our whole attitude and outlook with potty training is so different this time around and that is helping us be patient . With Audrey , we tried the 3 day training which worked , but had some drawbacks too ( like pooping in underwear every day for 9 months ) so really it didn 't work . This time we are looking at it more as an ongoing effort with hopes that by January / February he will be fully trained . The hardest part right now is actually teaching him to pull up and down his underwear . His teacher insists that we let him do it and encourage him even when he is frustrated , but that 's hard when I have so many other things going on at the same time and I just want to get it over with . I am learning every day to just SLOW DOWN and stop rushing through things . He is so proud of himself when he has success , and he loves to dump out his little potty and flush the toilet . Its the little things in life . Although to him , I know this is a very BIG thing . Doesn 't he look so cute in his undies ? Thomas the Train , of course . He loves all things train right now , so I want to take him on a short train ride from Manassas to the Burke station and see if he likes that , or even spend a few hours at Burke Lake Park to ride the train . It 'll have to be a mommy - son date though , I can 't take all three by myself . I 'm still too scared ! Audrey is growing every day . Maturing , really . Three was a great age that I loved , but four is turning out to be fun too . She went from just asking " why " all the time , to asking specific " why " s . Some of her questions lately are : I want to take a trip to the library and see if I can find some kid books about some of these . Of course we can google ( and we have been ) but she just loves the library so I think she 'd like doing this together . That is also just a one - on - one trip though . I have tried with all three and it doesn 't work . JJ doesn 't like books so much as he likes pushing them off the shelves . So we don 't last long there . She is so helpful ( usually ) and such a happy girl . She 's really in to bugs right now , so we have a bug book we read ( every single day ) and she 's gotten really good at identifying them by name , even when we see them outside . We just love watching her grow and learn and explore the world ! I haven 't really posted a ton about him on here . Partially because I haven 't had the time . And partially because it has been overwhelming to think about how I could write everything that 's been going on with him ! I spent 25 minutes writing a post about everything we 've been going through and then I deleted it all . It has been a tough 4 months but I think we are getting past it and he is outgrowing it . Every day gets a little bit easier , I think . He is becoming happier day by day . More happy - awake times means we are interacting in a more pleasant way . He watches Audrey and JJ like they are the most fascinating beings on earth . He and JJ are buddies and its funny how he tolerates JJ laying on him and being rough with him ( already ! ) . They like to lay down with him and do tummy time - which is great for me because it keeps them all entertained long enough for me to get some stuff done ! His 4 month check up was last week and he 's a whopping 18lb 5oz ! He 's in the 95th percentile for weight and 85th for height - 27 . 5 inches . He 's healthy as can be ( aside from the lingering reflux ) and he 's finally starting to be happy ! Cooing , talking , Squealing as loud as he possibly can , smiling at us , and really just engaging with us . He tolerates tummy time really well and will sit for a few minutes in his jumper , longer if I am sitting with him and talking to him . He does NOT like to be alone ! He 's ok if he can see us , but out of sight and he loses it . I 'm trying to get him on some sort of daytime schedule , or at least a predictable routine , but it isn 't happening just yet . I think that is more my fault than his . We are so busy every day , always in and out of the house and not usually home at the same times every day . I keep telling myself that things are " just about to settle down " and we 'll be home more , but that seems to always be just around the corner . If he would nap in the car seat , it would be a lot easier . He is still sleeping on our bed and he 'll probably stay there for a while longer . He wakes a lot at night and getting out of bed at 2am is asking way too much of me . He is so peaceful when he sleeps ! ! Love his chunky little body . He has started laughing and giggling when we tickle him too . . . so of course I torture him with neck kisses and tickles constantly ! What can be said ? Time Flies . Where does the time go ? Can I press Pause ? They grow up too fast . These are all so cliche , but all so TRUE . The toddler years are over . I look at her and realize that she is not a baby , she is not a mumbling wobbly toddler , she 's a preschooler . She does puzzles , and tells stories , and studies bugs , and helps with her brothers . She isn 't in to baby things . . . no . . big things . No baby dolls , now Barbie dolls . She doesn 't scribble lines , she draws pictures . She has an opinion and makes it known . She skips and runs and SINGS so much . She has a heart full of joy and happiness and she spreads that to us every day . I 'll try to stop the sappiness and leave it at that . Now for the FUN ! We had her birthday party this year at her gymnastics gym . It turned out great ! We had 16 or so kids and they got to play some games , jump on the trampoline , do an obstacle course , that kind of stuff . We had pizza and cake ( FROZEN , of course ) and balloons . When we were loading up the car to go home , I leaned in to snap her seat belt and Audrey said , " Mommy , my birthday party was so great . Thank You " . I was so happy to know that she had a good birthday ! ! We went home and opened presents . . . OMG so many presents . . . too many . Of course she doesn 't think its too much . She got some pretty fun stuff and so this week has been awesome while she and JJ explore them all . Big things she got this year were dress up clothes ( my mom made an awesome ELSA dress which she will wear at Halloween ) , Barbies , Frozen stuff , Princess stuff , clothes . . stuff like that . Josh made her a dress up closet to hang her play clothes and store her shoes / tiaras / jewelry etc . It turned out so perfect ! She loved it and now it sits right in the middle of our living room . Which she loves , but we . . . need a bigger house . : ) My gift to her was tickets to see Frozen on Ice next month . I can 't wait ! On her birthday I sent in a picture from her birth and every year of life so far , along with a few highlights of each year of her life . The teacher talked about it all and hung her photos up in the class for a couple of days . Special Day . We took her and JJ and Ian over to Kid Junction ( kind of like Chuck E Cheese ) for lunch and some play time . We ended up being the only ones there ! I wasn 't sure if that was a good thing or not . Good ( easy ) for me , but I wonder if they wanted other kids to play with . Anyways , it was fun and wore them out and after a quick dinner , the kiddos were all in bed pretty early . Remember when I was first posting about her ? And that stupid harness ? Read about her first and third birthdays too , but not her second because I apparently never blogged it . Which is a shame since it was such a great age and a great year . Audrey had her first day of Montessori school a few weeks ago . She goes 5 days this year , 3 . 5 hours each day . We made this decision in the spring . . although we liked her preschool last year , we had done a lot of research on the Montessori method , toured the school , and ultimately decided that we wanted to try this school out and see how we like it . The school does a 2 week long " phase in " schedule , which is basically just a modified schedule for the kids . So the first day she just went in for a half hour to see her classroom and meet her teacher . The next couple of days were one hour , then the next few days were 2 hours , and so on until we reached the full 3 . 5 hour day . They suggested the students bring a plant to their classroom so they can have the responsibility of taking care of something living , and to " beautify " the environment . Audrey and I went to the garden center and she got to pick out a little plant that she liked and she got to choose where in the classroom to put it . On her first day ( after meeting her teacher ) we dropped her off out front of the school and that was it . . . she walked in with the teacher and left us in the dust ! JJ was very upset to see her go . I didn 't realize until that moment that her leaving for school would be an adjustment for him too . He probably doesn 't remember last year that she went to school , and after having her home every day over the summer , it must have been scary for her to just get out of the car and leave . He sure does love his big sister ! And that brings us to the next thing . JJ is now going to Montessori school as well , twice a week for 3 hours . With everything going on with Nathaniel ( that 's a whole other post ) , it has been really hard on the kids . They get very little attention from me most days . I had hoped that with Audrey being in school , JJ and I would have more one - on - one time since he doesn 't nap in the mornings anymore . I figured yeah , I 'd put Nathaniel down for a nap after we drop Audrey off at school and then its all me and JJ time after that . Well , that isn 't happening . Instead , we drop Audrey off and listen to Nathaniel cry the whole way there and home . Then we all come inside and I immediately turn on the TV for JJ so that I can tend to Nathaniel . Most times that means taking him upstairs in an attempt to get him to sleep , then coming back downstairs and walking / bouncing / jiggling him trying to get him to settle or fall asleep , feeding him , changing him , and on and on . . . and point is , JJ gets nothing . No attention . No cuddling while we read a book . No playing . Just TV or playing by himself while I handle The Baby That Never Sleeps . He eventually does fall asleep but by that point I 'm frustrated and stressed and have a short fuse and while I try my best to wipe the slate clean and treat the " big kids " fairly , they just aren 't getting what they should be getting from me . SO ANYWAYS . . . we decided that JJ could benefit from being in an environment where he doesn 't have to listen to crying and can do more stimulating activities than watching Little Einsteins . He went two days last week and his third day was today . Teacher says he 's doing great ! He and Audrey get out of the car together and hold hands walking into school . SO cute . He doesn 't even look back to check on me and doesn 't cry or anything ! Teacher says he is very confidant and sure of himself . That makes my mama heart happy . I really think this experience will be good for him . He 's never really spent much time around kids his own age since most of our friends are actually Audrey 's Audrey is still adjusting as well . We talked all summer about the fact that she would be going to a different school this year . She toured the school with us and we drove by it a few times and talked it up . She seemed ok . But once she started going for a couple of days , she realized what " new school " actually means . Her old friends aren 't there . Her old teacher isn 't there , nor her old classroom or her old routines . This must be tough on a 4 year old . While she says that she has fun at school and never has anything bad to say , she also still says she misses her old school and wants to go back . She asks about her " old " friends daily so we are making an effort to see them pretty regularly for playdates or picnics . I reached out to the mother of a girl in Audrey 's class whom she says she talks to and eats snack with . We are having an after - school picnic / play date next week , so hopefully seeing someone from school outside of the classroom will make her a little more enthusiastic about being there . Tonight I am enjoying some peace and quiet . The kids are all asleep and Josh is upstairs in bed . I uploaded some pictures to the computer and sat down to write a blog , but instead decided to write emails to the kids . I am feeling a little sensitive and emotional and didn 't really want to spill my guts here , so I figured I could lay the sappiness out in an email for them to read many years from now . I get like this some nights after the kids go to sleep . Its like all day I want a break but once they 're asleep I can 't stop thinking about them , how wonderful they are , the funny things they do , the joy they bring to me . . But anyways . . If you haven 't sent them an email , please do ! I have never opened any of the messages so I promise that they are confidential and will be read only by the kids when they are grown up ! Dear . Audrey . Falcon and Dear . Joshua . Falcon at gmail dot com . Nathaniel will get one soon enough , I 'll let ya 'll know once it is done . JJ loves two things . Wrestling - but that 's hard to take photos of when I am pinning him to the ground . And trains . Usually he doesn 't get to play a lot with them because big sister is always bossing him around and not letting him do what he wants with them . Today Audrey was out with my mom and Nathaniel was sleeping , so we pulled out the trains and played for a while . He 's happy just pushing them around and around the track . Audrey is all about her dolls right now . She has the 12 " Disney princess barbie dolls ( I think she has 4 or 5 of them , plus some of the princes ) and also some of the smaller Disney princess figurines . We also got her the Anna and Elsa castles ( from Frozen ) and she plays with these ALL DAY LONG . She sleeps with the dolls . She takes them everywhere we go . She is always asking us to play with her and we do when we have time . Its nice when she has girls her age to play with , because JJ just doesn 't know how to play the way she wants him to . It is frustrating for her , I 'm sure ! Nathaniel is seeming bigger every day . Today was a good day because he napped pretty well for me . He even had stretches of awake time where he was quietly enjoying his bouncer or sat and cooed and smiled with me . He has such a big smile and its easy to forget my exhaustion when this face is looking at me . That 's me . A minivan mom . . . . soccer mom . . . . dorky mom . How did this happen ? We outgrew my SUV the day JJ was born . The car is great and . . . |
Hey . I 'll get to this really quickly . Thanks to Justin for you 're kick ass comments , and as always thanks to Jeff and Seth who have totally been there for me . Just a few more days and it 'll all be cool yo . After reaching upstairs we both took turns in the shower . Seperately , of course . I was barely comfortable with this as is , and there was no way that I was going to let this go to fast . Besides , even if I was totally comfortable with it I wouldn 't want it to go too fast anyways . I 've been there and done that before with a couple of different girls , and it just didn 't feel right . Actually , it felt extremely empty . I mean , it 's one thing to get it on , but it something else to love someone and to actually mean it . I 've spent the last year looking for that , and all things considered , I wasn 't going to screw it up just because I was doing something a little different this time . Justin let me borrow some blue - checkered boxers , a North Carolina Tarheels jersey and some kackis from the Gap . I had my brown leather sandals with me from the day before , so I didn 't really need to borrow anything else . I spent a few minutes looking at myself in the mirror . I was trying to decide if there was something different there . I could tell that there was , but I couldn 't quite put my finger on it . My hair was it 's usual blond organized chaos . My skin was still the lightly tanned colour it had been all week . My body was the same size ; I wasn 't any more muscular or toned , and I didn 't gain any weight . There was something a little odd about the colour in my eyes , but that was nothing new seeming they changed colours all the time . I shook the cobwebs from my head and headed downstairs where JC and Justin were waiting in the living room . As I slowly moved down the stairs I could hear Josh and Justin whispering about something . Normally I wouldn 't easedrop on someone , but I didn 't want to interrupt and , well . . . I always felt the need to know if I was being some sort of inconvienance . It 's something about me . If I 'm the cause of pain or disturbance to other people I 'll run away and solve the problem for them . Kinda ironic though ; I was always running away from the problems in life - whether they were my own or not . " Just , you know Lance and I don 't care - I mean , we 're happy for you guys and we totally support ya - but I really don 't think that it 's a good idea to be telling Chris and Joey right away . " Josh 's voice was very serious and kinda flat . Not something that was usual for Josh . " Why not Josh ? You know I don 't like keeping secrets . " Justin 's voice was pleading . No matter how old you get , some people are the perpetual little boy . In more ways than one I was like that too , but it was kinda remarkable that it was a trait that both Justin and I shared . " You know how they 'll react . They love you as a brother and even if they didn 't like it at first they would adjust to it eventually - they 'd have to , and I know they would anyways , not that I think they 're going to care - , but Ryan . . . they 're going to be so suspicious of him , and they would blame him for everything . " Josh paused for a minute as if to cafefully choose his next words . He was always like that , the ever thoughtful person . " Ry 's fragile enough as is . If Joey and Chris attacked him because they thought that they were protecting you , it would drive him away . He 'd go , no matter how much it would hurt him , because he would never want to be the cause of any pain for any of us . " " Bbbut , I 'd make him stay ! " Justin 's voice was shaky , and it was almost desperate . It was like the little boy who was begging his mom and dad for something and they kept saying no . Everytime they said no , the little boy 's response would become more and more drastic , eventually describing impossible comprimises to get his parents to bend . I quietly took a deep long sigh , and I knew that Josh was right . No matter what I had to do , I would do anything to make sure that I was not a cause of pain for Justin or any of the guys . I couldn 't be . It would make me so uncomfortable that any relationship that Justin and I may build would eventually become strained . Even though my leaving might cause Justin some short term pain , it would alleviate any long term pain between him and his four " brothers . " I didn 't want to listen anymore , but I couldn 't get up . I tried to shut my brain off , but that wouldn 't work either . I clenched my eyes shut and fought the coming tears thinking that I was already casing Justin pain . Again . " Can you honestly tell me that you would keep him here , or where ever we were at the time , against his will ? " Josh was trying to reason with Justin . He was good at it too . If he wasn 't in the music business he could be a very succesful mediator or one of those amazingly good lawyers that looks out for people and does what lawyers were originally intended to do : protect innocent people . " No . " It was a barely audible gasp . " But . . . but , he wouldn 't . . . Chris and Joey wouldn 't . . . there isn 't going to be any problems . Chris and Joey are just going to have to . . . Argh ! ! ! ! " Justin was clearly fustrated . All his life he agonized over putting positive spins on something that was negative . But there wasn 't an easy way out to this one . " See Just , even you can 't guarantee that Chris and Joey will be totally cool with it . You guys are just gonna have to play it down for a bit , give them time to get to know Ry like the three of us do and then tell them . Even then there are no promises , but at least we 'll have something to hold them against to bring them around . They 're good guys Just , but sometimes they don 't think things out all the way before they act . " My head was spinning . My thoughts were running away from me at a thousand kilometres a second . They were all leading in different directions and it was starting to make my head hurt . I always did this : think too much . One of my teachers in high school said that if I slowed down a little and narrowed my focus , things would be even easier for me . But I wasn 't capable of doing that , and now there was a blinding , pounding ache in my head . I couldn 't see even if my eyes were open . I just stared into the empty , white space behind my eyelids . " Ryan ! " Josh was shouting into my ear . He had one hand on my shoulders and the look in his eyes were as if someone had just run over his puppy dog . Justin was sitting on the stair next to me and he was paler than the cream coloured paint on the walls . He looked like he wanted to throw up and suddenly I did too . Except I knew that I really was going to , so I stood up and sprinted to the bathroom in the hall upstairs and let it out . Every once in a while , when I get a really nasty shock , my body decides to try and purge itself of all the bad . Not exactly the best way to solve a problem , then again , it was better than the running away that I was always doing . Unfortunately for the cereal I had eaten that afternoon , it was no longer a part of me . " Thanks . " I croaked as he handed me a short glass full of the clear liquid . After rinsing my mouth out several times , I drained the cup and set it on the counter . Justin picked it up this time to re - fill it and urged me to drink some more . " I hate it when that happens . . . " he started , " I mean , yo , you 're throat gets all dry and gross and stuff . It 's good to drink water . . . yeah . . . " Just couldn 't say anything more , because he didn 't know what to say , so instead he wrapped me up in his strong arms and told me with his body that he was sorry - for something he didn 't do or couldn 't control mind you - and tried to make me feel safe and secure . I have to admit , I think it almost worked . I don 't know how long we were there like that , but by the time we finally let go things felt better . There was still this nagging thought in the back of my head that screamed I was hurting Just and that I needed to get away . But there was this look in Justin 's eyes that told me I needed to stay , and that I had no reason to run . Another first occured at that point in time . I actually ignored the nagging thought in favour of listening to someone else . And not just anyone else either . . . I opened my own mouth , but nothing came out . So , I just pulled Justin in close to me to let him know that I wasn 't going anywhere , at least not just yet . I inhaled the scent of his cologne - CK Contradiction I think - and did the ritual masculine back pat thang . I didn 't know what to do or say at this point . I was scared , but at the same time I felt relieved . For one thing , I knew that he didn 't run away and that he didn 't run away either . This was a problem , but we 'd work through it together . " I know . " I interupted . " And you don 't need to apologize either Josh . It 's not ok , but it 's not your fault , y ' know ? " " Well , look . . . I am sorry that y ' all can 't scream at the top of your lungs that you guys are involved somehow . . . " I cut JC off again ; man , was I ever turning into a rude friend . " Hey , it 's coo Josh . I mean , I 'm not even sure what this all means anyways . . . " I could see Justin start to pout out of the corner of my eye and I grabbed his hand and squeezed it to reassure him . " Look Just . Even with everything we talked about last night , and everything that happened . I can 't be instantly and completely ok with this , with us . It has nothing to do with you , and I love the thought of being with you , but with everything I 've had to deal with in the last year or so - and I know that 's a crappy excuse - and the fact that I have to deal with having feelings for another guy - even if it is such a crunk person like you - I can 't do this perfectly right away and I can 't do it without time and help . " Justin dropped my hand and looked at the forest green bath mat on the floor . For a minute I thought that this was it , and that I 'd be going back to my own life once again , and not living this weird dream . But that was only for a minute because he picked my hand back up again before he spoke . " Ryan . . . those are all good excuses . " He looked really somber as he paused . Whether it was for dramatic effect , or just to get the words right , I couldn 't tell . But I was pretty sure it was the latter . " But they are just that : excuses . And I 'm going to do everything I can to help you get rid of them yo . I understand Ry , and I trust ya , and I 'm gonna be here for ya , ok ? " He managed a small smirk revealing a few of his perfect , white teeth in one corner of his mouth . I smiled back at him . He seemed to have that effect on me . I wasn 't sure how or why , but I knew that I liked it . I reached my free hand out to Josh and gave him five . " Yeah Josh , and me too . . . anyways , I think you were right . Just , let 's just keep this between the four of us until they get to know me better and until we know exactly where we 're going wid this . Coo ? " " Coo . " My reward was a smile and a quick kiss . I think I just raided the cookie jar , because I really didn 't do anything to deserve either of these two guys . " Hey , are you still up to going ? " " A ' ight , well we should probably get out of here pretty quickly then , cuz Lance is gonna think we 're having an orgy or something without him and get all jealous and prissy . " We all laughed . Lance was great , but he did tend to worry a little bit too much . But , better a friend to worry too much , that not enough , right ? After I finished cleaning up and brushed my teeth about a zillion times , we finally jumped into JC 's Jeep and headed over to Lance 's . The conversation was fairly light until about five minutes before we got to Lance 's when I froze up . I was suddenly worried all over again about how Chris was gonna react . Thank God it was just Chris and not Joey too tonight . I did not want to go through with this right now and my whole body stiffened with fear . Justin sensed this though and rub the back of one hand against my cheek . " Look it 's gonna be coo yo . Just like we talked about before , a ' ight ? " " Yeah , yeah . . . " I sighed . " I 'm ok , but I can 't help feeling like I 'm going to court or something and Chris isn 't just the jury but he 's also the judge . . . thank God it 's just Chris and not the two of them . " " Don 't worry about it Ryan . I talked with Lance while you and Justin were getting cleaned up . He already told Chris a lot of stuff about you and he said that Chris was kinda excited to meet ya . If I know Chris . . . " Josh paused as he pulled into Lance 's driveway . " Oh , well . . . we 're here ! " He turned off the ignition and jumped out of the jeep . Man did I hate it when people didn 't finish their sentences . It 's not so much that I 'm curious about what they were going to say , more that my over - active imagination takes over and imagines the worst . " Comon , " Justin urged me " lets just do this thang and you 'll see that everything 's completely coo . " " A ' ight , but one thang first , k ? " I managed a meak smile . " A kiss . " He didn 't say anything , but instead leaned forward and pressed his soft , red lips against my own . When his tongue begged entry I let him slip it inside and explore my mouth . It felt so . . . good . I mean , we 've all got one evil pleasure , and I seriously think that a really good kiss is mine . We needed to stop though . If we continued like this , things might not look so good once we got inside . It was funny how sometimes Justin knew exactly what I was thinking , because he slipped his tongue out of my mouth and gave me a soft peck on the cheek . " Let 's go ! " He grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the Jeep to Lance 's front door . I reluctantly let go of his warm hand before stepping through the door . Once we got out to the back porch where the guys were waiting , Justin was completely knocked over when Chris tackled him and started to tickle him . I didn 't really know what to do , so I just stood there as Lance and Josh laughed at Chris and Justin . Justin had tears streaming down his face and was screaming for Chris to get off of him . " Un . . . hahaha . . . Uncle Chhh - - - please ! Get off ! " He was laughing . I knew how he felt . People liked to tickle me a lot too , and I know that feeling where you 're laughing so hard it feels like you sides are going to explode . " Uncle Chirs ! ! " Justin finally managed to get it out and Chris jumped off of him . Lance was laughing so hard that he had to sit down on one of the chairs on the deck . " Hey , you must be Ryan . " Chris started towards me and I backed off a little bit . He looked like he was gonna tickle me now too . " Oh don 't worry , I don 't bite , and I 'm not gonna tickle you . . . at least not yet ! " He laughed and extended his hand towards mine . I accepted it . He had a fairly firm grip , and he didn 't let go . " So , Lance here has been telling me all about ya . " His grip got tighter and tighter . I felt my hand go numb , but I didn 't want to force him off the shake because I didn 't want to seem rude . So , I just tightened my grip back . Justin had gotten up and was smiling at me . There was some sort of game going on here , and it had apparently been played before . Unfortunately I didn 't know the rules . So I just figured I 'd make up my own and tightened my grip stronger and stronger . " Damn ! " Chris said as he tried to let go . He had veins pooping out of his forehead and neck , but he was still smiling . I wasn 't letting go yet . I wanted to win . " Nice to meet ya Chris . " I smiled back and seeing the obvious pain in his face I finally let go . Josh , Justin and Lance stood up and gave me a standing ovation . " Hey , I 'm not that little , and besides I 've gotta have at least a little strength . Y ' know it 's not easy lifting those ice blocks to make igloos . " We all laughed at my mocking of one of the American false ideas about Canadians . The mood became considerably relaxed and I let out a small sigh of relief . This wasn 't gonna be as hard as I thought . " No doubt . " Chris replied still smiling . What is it with these guys . I was starting to wonder if the record label had them all on some perma - grin drugs or something . " Yeah . I could go for some of my cereal too please Lance . " I laughed at Justin . Ok , he was worse that I was when it came to cereal . Lance just rolled his eyes and nodded at Justin 's request . " Ryan ? Josh ? " Chris already had I drink . I assumed it was rye and coke or something since there was an open bottle of Crowne Royal sitting on the table inside and he had what looked like coke in his hand . " Uh , some OJ would be totally coo Lance . Thanks . And maybe some of that cereal too ! " I really wasn 't in the mood to get drunk anyways . " Hey ! That 's my stash ! " Justin pouted before taking off into the garage to get one of the thousand boxes of cereal . " But I suppose I can share . " " Uh oh , not another one . How old are you Ryan ? " Chris had this whole serious look on his face . Or at least he was trying to . It wasn 't really working though . " I 'm tree years old ! " I said proudly in my best little kid 's voice , holding up three fingers as I did so . At least I managed to get them all laughing again . " Are you guys ok with chicken ? I know Ryan can 't eat beef , but I could put some steaks on too if y ' all want ? " Lance drawled out as he handed Josh and I our drinks . " Mmmm . . . . Beef ! " Chris said while rubbing his belly . This guy was one hell of a goof . But he was pretty cool . I laughed AT him while I pointed a finger into my mouth and pretended to gag . " All righty then , I 'll throw a couple steaks on with the chicken . " Lance paused for a moment and you could see the cranks turning in his head . Suddenly a light went on . " Hey Just , do you want me to barbeque you some cereal ? " We all laughed as Justin came out with two bowls in his hand . He passed me one before sitting down on the wooden bench and devoured the Apple Jacks in his bowl . The evening actually ended up going pretty well . Chris really was a cool guy and I found out on my own that Justin and JC were right about me not having anything to worry about . Over dinner we talked about normal stuff , like what was going on with who 's family , and who was visting where , and how great it was just to have some time off . Justin and I tried not to make too much eye contact throughout supper - we even managed to " accidently " touch each other 's feet every once in a while - , but I don 't think we ended up being discreet enough . Chris ended up being one of those pretty intuitive people and he cornered me when Justin left to go to the bathroom and Josh was helping Lance clean up . " Look , don 't worry about it . I 've been waiting for something like this to happen for a while . I 'm just one of those people that picks up on things . I mean he 's never said anything to me about it , but I just knew . I could tell that Justin 's been trying to hide it for a while . He would go out with chicks and stuff , but you could see that he wasn 't really into it , you get ? " " Well , anyways , I 'm happy for you guys . I 've only known you for what ? Two hours ? If that . But I like ya and I think you 're a cool guy . Just don 't hurt him k ? Cuz I might just have to mess up that pretty boy face of yours . " He smiled and squeezed my shoulder to let me know that it really was cool . I did believe him , but that didn 't change the fact that I was completely freaked out by the whole thing . " Uh , thanks . " Man , what I great vocabulary I have . I guess I was just totally suprised . After the conversation that Jusin and JC were having this afternoon I never thought that he would be cool with this . " I mean . . . I really don 't know what this is , or what we 're doing . . . " " Try and be more discreet when Joey gets back k ? He 's not really going to be as cool about it as I am . Joe 's a great guy , but he doesn 't always think things all the way through all the time . He 's also a little bit homophobic . " " Gay ? " He offered . I just shook my head no . Man I hated that word . " It 's ok , I mean , it 's just a label anyways . You love who you love . And that really is all that matters . " I guess all those extra years he had on us really had made him wiser . " Peace ? " " Peace . " I replied . We went inside and joined Lance and JC in the living room where they were sitting down on one of the couches . I plopped myself down beside Josh and Chris claimed one of Lance 's huge leather chairs . When Justin finally got back , he sat down on the couch that was the farthest away from me . I guess he was just trying to be discreet . Well , I 'd have to do something about that wouldn 't I ? I got up and dropped myself right in his lap . The look of shock on his face was followed by a quick kiss and a round of applause / laughter from the other guys . " It 's crunk . " I whispered in his ear . " Chris knows . " Justin 's eyes were wide open like an owl 's . I think he was more shocked than anything . " Nope . " Chris interupted . " I just knew . I 've known for a long time Curly . It 's all good bro . " Justin smiled and gave me a quick kiss before jumping up and giving Chris a big bear hug . " Ok , ok , go back to your boyfriend over there . He looks lonely . " Chris pushed Justin back in my direction . Things were good . I was happy , and everyone else was happy . No one got hurt . " Ok , well . . . so that there aren 't any arguements I 'm gonna let Ryan pick . What do you want to watch ? I 've got pretty much everything . " " Hmmm . . . " I thought about it for a minute before realising that I hadn 't seen Autin Powers yet and everyone had been telling me lately that I * had * to see it . " Austin Powers coo ? " I asked . It was a great movie . Although I think sitting here holding onto Justin would 've made any movie great . He just knew how to make me feel so comfortable and safe . It was something I had wanted for a long time . My cell phone rang right when Austin was fighting off the hot android chicks . I grumbled in annoyance . Partly that I had forgotten to turn it off , and partly that someone had the nerve to interrupt this . For some reason people only called me at bad times . " Hello son . This is your father . " His voice sounded cold and I shivered at the thought of the disapproving look that I knew was on his face . " Listen , I don 't have a lot of time right now , so I 'm just going to cut to the chase . " I could feel my blood pressure start to rise . I knew this was not going to be good . " What are you talking about ? I 'm taking a vacation . It 's not like I 'm missing school or anything . And I * am * an adult . I think I 'm capable of deciding when it 's time to come home . " I hated it when he tried to treat me like a child . I just want to be treated like someone who 's capable of making their own decisions . Besides , it 's not like I was using his money down here . " Look , I 'm not going to argue with you . You are an adult , but I am still your father . I want you to come home tomorrow . I 've had Kristina book you a flight and she 'll call you later with the details . " " Dad , you know I love y ' all , but I am not coming home tomorrow just because you tell me to . You have to give me a reason why it 's so urgent that I come home . " Not to mention , I was so not going to just leave Justin . Not now . But I definitely couldn 't tell him that . This was so not fun . " Did you hear me ? " He was practically yelling into the phone . " I don 't have to justify myself to you . If you don 't get on that plane tomorrow , don 't bother ever coming home . " He hung up and I just sat there with tears streaming down my face . This was NOT happening . It couldn 't . NOT NOW ! |
Bob Dylan and Birkenstocks - when you love someone else . September 8 , 2015 by shelimassie · 4 Comments I remember sitting in the therapists ' office that early August afternoon biting my nails . I think it was the one with the dying plant on the basement office window that smelled like wet towels . The therapist looked like Napoleon Dynamite or someone who really needed a good haircut . I recall sitting there on the burnt orange couch thinking I cannot believe I am here telling my life story to someone who literally looks like he just graduated high school . He was our fourth therapist if you were not counting priests . The fourth one in five years of marital bliss . It wasn 't the best track record and I was sure that this one was going to tell us what I wanted to hear . I was in love with someone else . I had been for years . I loved someone that was not in my life anymore . Yet he was in my every thought . There was not a day that went by that I did not think of him . I would replay the last time we had seen each other and beg God for us to meet again . He was a English major who played Bob Dylan on his guitar with curly dark hair and my hippie heart had fallen head over Birkenstocks in love with him . Every silent moment . Every slammed door . Every night my body said no . Every tear stained pillow . Every blaming word . Every layer of resentment was always through this deceitful filter I carried around . I sat in the middle of the crowded somber church on Sunday afternoon and listened while my husband gave a eulogy for one of his beloved students . I listened as he tenderly told story after story of a life that ended too soon . I watched as he shuffled the papers in his hand and tried to hold back the tears of grief and confusion . The truth is so much ugliness still comes out . My heart still finds itself putting filters on my marriage . On my kids . On my friends . I expect that they will meet my desires instead of letting God shape them into his . As I watched my husband this past week deal with the grief of losing a child loved . I saw him rise to who I never knew I needed . To hear others say what they love about him as a teacher , as a leader , as a man I was humbled and embarrassed . They saw a man who was true to his word . A man who adored the work he does . A man who knows his students and will do anything for them . A man whose heart is genuine and gentle . They saw a man who could make anyone feel like they were the most important person in the world . A man who believes his faith holds him together and isn 't afraid to talk about it . A man who got to see that the work he does matters . I wonder sometimes what would happen if we treat each other that way . If we treat each other without filters of fear . Filters of manufactured regret . Filters of jealousy . Filters of expectation . What would happen if when we talk to each other ? When we pray for each other . When we fight with each other . What if we were just brave enough to set those down ? Brave enough to say that who they are is enough . I want to go back to that therapist 's office today . I want to go back and tell him he got it all wrong . The parts where he said to walk away . The parts where he said we could never make this work . All this is from God , who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation ; that is , in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself , not counting their trespasses against them , and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation . Therefore , owe are ambassadors for Christ , God making his appeal through us . We implore you on behalf of Christ , be reconciled to God . For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin , so that in him we might become the righteousness of God . Filed Under : grace , healing , marriage , truth · Tagged With : marriage , truthA voice from a girl - the voice you forget in all of this August 21 , 2015 by shelimassie · 4 Comments I think we give too many people voices . Too many things that do not deserve another ounce of energy a voice . I am not saying that people should not be heard . I am saying we need to be careful who we are giving voice to . And who we are leaving behind . I see you making jokes and posting comments about Josh Duggar or some sandwich guy and what they did . Giving your opinion about the horrific illegal actions that they took . I know that in your mind it is funny or really disgusting and you need to let everyone know how you feel . Or what your stance is . You want to make sure that those around you know exactly what your opinion is . I get that . I understand . When it is election year or there is a new season of Downton Abbey on I want my voice heard as well . But this is not that . This is not light and funny . I am the voice of the girl you do not hear . I am the voice of the little girl who died on the inside at the age of eight . I am the voice of the teenager who never knew she had a choice . I am the voice of the college girl who gives herself away to anyone that tells her she is something . I am the voice of the girl who vomits behind the car in the grocery store praying no one will see her . I am the voice of the woman who numbs herself with anything that will stop her from feeling . I am the voice of the girl who screams in terror when monsters invade her dreams at night . I am the voice of the mother who cries herself to sleep thinking she could have seen the signs . I am the voice of the girl who carves her skin to feel again . I am the voice of the child who sees a therapist more than the playground . I am the voice of the girl on the outside looking in wishing someone would notice . I am the voice of the woman who will never know what healthy sex looks like . I am the voice of the husband who is angry at the man who took away what was his . I am the voice of the pastor who sits and hears the cry of a broken story that was never told . I am the voice of the girl who just needed someone to believe . Filed Under : healing , truth · Tagged With : healing , Josh Duggar , the victim , truthI choose you - what vows look like after 17 years July 11 , 2015 by shelimassie · 2 Comments This week the husband and I renewed our vows . And by renew I mean wrote all new words . Because after seventeen years you need to say new words . The words you say when you are a young bride with no idea how to keep a promise to yourself , much less promises to another person for the rest of your life , well words need to be said again . And so we gathered our people . Our marriage warriors . And we stood in our backyard , in the neighborhood we claimed as our home and put a stake in the ground for the legacy of our family . One of the most precious moment in the ceremony was when our good friend and pastor gathered us around our children and prayed the blood of Jesus over our family . That the chains of relationships would be broken and for the future spouses and callings of our sweet babes . I may have ugly cried my way through this . I choose to fight for you . To fight for us . I choose to daily lay your life before Jesus and ask that he guard your heart and mind to only His will . I choose to be present . To focus on what makes us a family not what makes others happy . I choose to put you first before our children . Because I know that is what is best for them . I choose to break the cycle of relationships gone before us by choosing healthy over happy . I choose to let you be the spiritual leader in our home and believing that God will equip you to do so . I choose to love you even when I am so unlovable . But most of all . I choose this . I choose to pursue Jesus with all of my heart and passion . Because if we have learned anything these past 17 years it is this … . He is our healer and redeemer . And only He can restore . Filed Under : forgiveness , healing , marriage · Tagged With : i choose you ceremony , marriage , vow renewalPaper gowns and other realities of post - adoption depression June 23 , 2015 by shelimassie · 1 Comment This is where it had all landed me . The months of torture I had endured all boiled over me that Sunday morning . And by Sunday evening I was being watched by a police officer . Not even a police officer . I think he was a security guard who had just graduated . So here I was all of my womanhood on display for someone still going through puberty who was probably more interested in twitter than keeping me safe . I was being monitored one on one so that I wouldn 't harm myself . My purse was taken away . My clothes gone . I was left laying with a paper gown trying to plead with the doctor to not lock me up . I hadn 't shaved my legs or worn pretty underwear . My mother always told me to do these things . Although I am sure my mother never thought her daughter would be laid out on a gurney being evaluated by a psychiatrist that December morning . These are things that you think about and cry over when you realize that this may be the beginning to the end . My biggest fear was coming true . I was entering into a world I thought I would never return from . I had had a " breakdown " years before when my car caught on fire with two of my kids in it . I was in a Starbucks drive thru and my toddler at the time started yelling " MOMMY FIRE ! " I turned around to the back seat to see flames coming up the side of the door at his feet . While the fire department came and put the fire out I sat and watched while holding my little ones . I had been alone for days as my husband was trying to piece his family back together in Ohio after his baby brother died suddenly . Nothing had made sense and I was losing it . After almost losing my children to dealing with the stress of a loss we could not comprehend I lost it . For two days I lie in bed heavily medicated and watched . My mother came to stay with me to make sure I remembered how to take care of myself and others . She made lists of things for me to follow . Brush your teeth . Make the bed . Pick up kids . The smallest things accomplished made me feel useful and needed . But this is what grief and postpartum depression do . They take hold of your neck like a stranglehold and they continuously pull you down . They try to convince you that you will stay there forever . That your truth is the disease and not the overcomer . And here I was seven years later . I wanted to drown into the bed . I wanted to disappear . I wanted to wake up from this nightmare . " Please " I am pleading with him just don 't lock me up . This doctor who looks like someone I know . Someone I would be friends with if I were not naked and covered in paper . In my head I am going over the possible scenarios . I know how they over medicate . I know that they will put me in a room and give me pills that make me forget who I am . I know they will feed me with sporks and my children will never look me in the eyes again . I know that people at church will find out . I know they say that church is a place for the broken . But only broken enough that a conversation will fix . Messy is not even the beginning to describe what is going on . They say that they will look past this and forgive me . But they won 't . I know . I know when they find out the truth or the truth they want to believe and start gossip prayer chains . It will be so far removed from what happened that I will never know whose knife I have in my back . I know that I will be looked at as the " crazy mom who had to be locked up " " The mom who couldn 't handle it " " The one who fell off the deep end " I know how I will never be the same . I will never be who I was meant to be . This is how you think when you haven 't slept in days and are naked on a gurney . I lie staring at the blue wall pleading to God to show up . Of any moment in my life this would be the time for him to reveal himself . I was willing to take a vision . In middle school some of my classmates said they saw the virgin Mary at a sleepover I was at . They swore they saw her on the living room wall . Although we also believed we could turn potato chips into communion during lunch hour and serve each other as a priest who talked with a lisp . But in this moment . I needed God himself to be real . I didn 't need the truth of a disillusioned catholic school girl I needed the faith of a girl who literally was at her rock bottom . I lie there crying , shaking . Begging Him to be real . In this moment of all moments in my life I needed to feel Him . To hear His voice . To feel His arms wrap around me . I pictured myself at His feet barely able to lift my head clinging to His ankles . Begging for mercy to be tangible . For this one moment all I ached for was hope . Filed Under : adoption , depression , healing · Tagged With : adoptionCome to the table - an honest confession about my homosexual sister May 27 , 2015 by shelimassie · 4 Comments A few days ago I sat across from the table with one of my most enduring friends . We have only been friends for a few years but the way we communicate you would have thought it 's been forever . She is the type of person your soul is drawn to expose itself to . A safe place where grace covers the door . Our two youngest are the best of friends . So while they were busy building a fortress for the ants they had found outside and disturbing anyone there to get any work done at the outdoor coffee shop , we sat across from each other and let the conversation take us to hearing / We talked about the upcoming summer schedule and what that brought for both of us . We talked about Jesus and church and how we both understand they are not the same . We sat and we laughed and we talked and we heard each other . I crave these moments . Both being introverts we both felt like this time we had was sacred and protected . I began to talk to her about my frustrations with the church . How I am feeling the organic part of it never was and never will be . That I am programed to believe that we worship follows a program . That raising my hands can only be ok if everyone else in the room doesn 't feel uncomfortable . How I feel that if others could see behind my eyes and what I am raising my arms to they may see King Jesus on the throne with angels all around . That they could see the King of Glory with my face at his feet . That they could see my raising my hands has nothing to do with them and everything to do with how their own insecurities beckon them to believe that it does . I then opened my mouth and began to cry about how I have been feeling so lonely in a room of so many . Many who have walked our adoption journey . Our marriage roller coaster . And without a doubt these are my people . But how I don 't know how I fit into anymore . I don 't know how I got to the place where I am questioning things . Things that I had never thought about before when I was a new Christian and just eager to be around others who I thought had the same passions as I did . As I grew and learned and listened and asked questions I began to hear . Hear the same unsettled questions in those that were pulling away . And here we sat the two of us with coffee getting colder hearing what I needed to be heard . My sister and I grew up in a home where eight years apart creates memories the other never got to experience . As we grew older though she and I were two peas in a pod . I adored my sister . She was brave and beautiful and said things that I was never brave enough to utter . She stood in the gap for the underdog and was more interested in becoming who she was then like I , who was running from who I didn 't want to be . In high school she " came out " and I fully supported her . I rallied around her and was her biggest cheerleader . I was still a baby myself having just left college with a new baby and no degree . I had no idea what I believed or didn 't believe . I just knew that I loved my sister more than anything and wanted her to be set free . As the years went by and I grew in my faith and then became engrossed in the church I started to develop a sense of pride about my faith and thus grew an ignorance wall . A wall around myself where nothing could shake what I believed . Not even love . So my self - righteousness was more important than maintaining my relationship with my sister . Painful years ensued . Things said and not said . Words thrown to keep the walls secure without noticing who they were tearing down . I sat across from my friend with tears running down my face . I hadn 't realized how raw this memory still was . I asked her if we could still be friends . If I had ruined our relationship because I had just shown her a really ugly part of my heart . That is what this is going to take . For all of us . To come to the table with truth . To admit what we believe and don 't believe . And to listen . Not to sit on our self - righteousness and call out the sin of others without looking in the mirror at ourselves . I am admitting that my anger and pride are sins that festered and grew into years of words unsaid . I wasn 't willing to come to the table . I wasn 't willing to hear only to be heard . That is such a lonely place to be . I needed to come to the table . I am at the table with my sister now . I am trying to hear her . I am asking forgiveness for years I should have drawn closer . I am at the table with a heart that is broken with shame . I am wading through the process of truth and hope . I am soaking in the laughter and memories in the moments we are given . My sister . She is leaving next week . Moving thousands of miles away with her wife . My heart is so sad and tender about the goodbyes to people I love . I keep thinking if I wish it away the moving truck will never show up . Yet again I know . She and I . We are still at the table . We are figuring it all out . How to rebuild what we fearfully tore apart . Filed Under : faith , forgiveness , healing , truth · Tagged With : forgiveness , grace , peaceSorry Richard Marx I am so over you … . . May 14 , 2015 by shelimassie · 1 Comment When I was younger I had posters all over my walls . I had my Kirk Cameron phase of childhood crushes where I never missed an episode of Growing Pains . I would lie on my bed and plan out our wedding in my head . I was always shorter in my dreams so his height was never an issue . It was a very sweet wedding with lots of pillow kissing . I also went through an embarrassing Richard Marx phase of which we do not speak of anymore . ( A mullet does not need to enter the conversation ) And then there was a delusional stint of Michael W . Smith . Yes , you read that correctly . I had a crush on a man who was old enough to be my father . I even met him in person one time at a bookstore . There was a lot of thirteen year old blushing going on . I then went through a phase of Tori Amos , Natalie Merchant , Indigo Girls , and Alanis Morissette . This is what we called my " angry at the world but at least I knew what good music was " phase . I may have even waited for days on Michigan Avenue to hug Tori Amos . I seriously was obsessed . Anything that she believed in I wanted to believe in . Anything that she liked I willed myself to like it as well . Pasty white girls unite . Here I am at forty and realize I still have posters on the wall . And if we are honest we all do . We all have people in our lives who have taken the role of idol on our walls . People who we admire can easily become people we want to be . We see someone else trying to lose weight and we think " that is what I need to do " . Not taking into account that you have no desire to lose weight , you just want to be like the other person . You just want to be a part of the " sweaty , drink lots of water crowd " . You hear that someone you admire is taking a vacation later in the summer and you convince your husband to spend money you don 't have just so you can measure up to a person that isn 't asking you to . I have even been guilty of thinking that I need to be doing foster care again . Yes , I know it is a great thing . However , right now my marriage and the kids in my home need me to pour into them . This is such a critical time in their lives that I need to be present . And yes I wish I could be like a friend I know but God did not call me to follow others . He called me to follow him . And following Him looks like engaging with my teenagers , going out on dates with the hubs , making my home a safe place for others to enter into and trying to balance it all with grace . I know that I have struggled so many times . In fact I just recently realized that I have tried to live up to someone 's expectations of me just to have them accept me . I have taken on roles that I don 't even enjoy just to have a certain person say I am valuable . Not too long ago I needed to confess to a friend that I held another friend on such a pedestal that I thought I needed to everything she did to gain her approval . It wasn 't that it was bad things I was doing . They were all good things . But they were good things for her . For her family . Not for mine . My family did not need to look like hers to be enough . We are enough . Enough mess . Enough chaos . Enough spice . Enough loud . Enough brokenness . Enough room . Enough crazy to be enough . So let 's tell the truth . Let 's look at the posters on our walls and start to take them down . Because sweet one , you are enough . You don 't have to be anyone else . It is exhausting trying to live up to someone you were never called to be . There is room enough for all of us . Filed Under : friends , healing , truth · Tagged With : posters , richard marx , truthYellow Ceiling Spots April 28 , 2015 by shelimassie · 2 Comments There is a yellow spot on my ceiling in my living room . No it 's not from smoking . Although that would be a better story . Have you ever seen the episode of Modern family where Phil finds a yellow burn on the couch on Christmas morning ? Netflix it now . He cancels Christmas until someone fesses up to smoking on the couch . He literally drags the tree out the sliding door onto the porch , while the kids cry and try to take responsibility , even though none of them did it . It is hilarious and true . ( You don 't need to write me and tell me I shouldn 't be watching Modern Family , I watch it to know we are not alone on the crazy train . ) We all see things and assume the worst . I look up at ceiling from my couch and I assume that the yellow mark on the ceiling means that our ceiling is falling in and that one day I will be crushed by a bathtub from the second floor . I know . It 's morbid and crazy . Or perhaps I watch too much Rehab Addict or Modern Family . Either way I assume things that may or may not be true . Or I avoid what I know is true . And what I know to be true today is that I suck at forgiving . Maybe there is a better word , but the thesaurus wanted me to say slurp . And forgiving doesn 't slurp anything . I am just not good at it . I am better at forgiving someone that did something to someone else . But when I have to forgive someone that hurt me , it feels insurmountable . I want to dig my first grade heals in the playground and justify why I don 't need to forgive them . I want to shout it from the mountaintops or at least a very tall building , because who am I kidding I have never been to a mountain top and I am in no shape to climb one . Anyways , I want to shout it from a very high elevation the list of things this person did to me . How I was wounded so deeply by things that were said and the " sorry 's " that never came . I want others to turn their backs on this person and join me by digging their heels in the playground with me . But this unforgiveness is heavy . Not like the " winter weight " I have put on . But more like the weighted blanket that my littlest girl sleeps under very night . Except this doesn 't calm me down , it tears at my bones and makes the most inner parts of me afraid and alone . It makes me brittle and broken . I was a chaperone a few summers ago for my eldest high school camp . ( I know , could I be any more of a helicopter parent ? ) ( Actually , I had no idea where she was 95 % of the time , so I am really good at keeping track of kids ) I was there and heard this for the first time . Or maybe just HEARD it for the first time - that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die . Okay , maybe they didn 't say " die " at church camp but that is what my heart heard . I want the people that have hurt me deeply to feel the humiliation and weight of what I feel . Of what I wake up every day and carry around . I want my pain to be justified . I want freedom . But if I am honest I want it to come by someone else carrying the shame that I carry every morning when I wake up . Yet I am learning . Slowly . This isn 't about this person . Or people . It is about me . It is about the sin in my own heart that I can 't let go of . It 's about the years of shame built up in my own lesions that this just reopens like wounds that are still healing . That is what this is about . It is about taking ownership of your own crap before mulling around in someone else 's . It is about claiming your own baggage at the airport and not trying to make others take their own . They are not ready yet . They are not ready to open up what you are already dealing with . And that it ok . It is ok to begin to heal and to walk away . You don 't . I don 't , need everyone to understand me or like me to be ok . I need to be ok because I know that I am a messy work in progress just trying to figure out my truth . Filed Under : Christmas , forgiveness , grace , healing , sarcasm · Tagged With : forgiveness , modern family , shame , truthBacon Wrapped Jesus . April 14 , 2015 by shelimassie · 4 Comments I love bacon . On everything . My love of bacon went to a whole new level when someone introduced me to bacon wrapped dates stuffed with goat cheese . Take a moment and let that soak in . Yeah , it 's that good . It is like pork candy in my mouth . If I am invited to any invent this summer that is probably what I will bring . So if you don 't like bacon , don 't invite me . I think anything can taste better wrapped in bacon . Except maybe jelly beans . Those stand by themselves . I am struggling . Struggling watching my daughter trying to date . The push and the pull of it all . Trying to figure out who she is and how she relates to the world . And how the world treats her back . It has nothing to do with the guy . Any guy . It has to do with me . And me and her . And how she is a huge part of me . Part of me made her . And so I am half of her . Because I am pulled into the belief that because I was the girl that everyone should have stayed away from for years , that she will make the same mistakes I did . I know . I know . She is not me . She needs to write her own story . Blah . Blah . Blah . But this this the thing . When fear creeps in , it wraps itself around you . Around your mind and images of your past soak into parts of you that haven 't healed yet . The parts of you that are creative and vulnerable and raw . I am twisted in memories of a past that would like to keep me there . I am overwhelmed with the fear that the life I lived will be repeated by my daughter . That she will be haunted for years about the choices she may or may not make . And here I was on a Tuesday feeling it all over coffee with one of my best friends . This friend has a way of reaching inside my soul and drawing out whatever I am concealing . Or maybe I don 't hide it well and she just has the courage to ask . She asked how I was doing . How I was really doing . The space in between the person that you want everyone to see and the one that exists so life can function in a normal manner . That space . She asked how that in between was . " Sweet girl , she gets the YOU wrapped in Jesus . She gets the best part of you . The YOU that is fully and completely wrapped in Jesus . " Filed Under : community , forgiveness , healing · Tagged With : bacon , dating , forgivness , parenting , shameRing the Cowbell . March 18 , 2015 by shelimassie · 1 Comment When I was younger I played softball . Geared out in the tight spandex and hot pink aluminum bat . I was more concerned with how my hair looked in the god awful hat I had to wear than my ERA . ( Don 't be impressed that I know what that stands for , I grew up in a family that lived and breathed baseball . I even wanted to marry Mark Grace , but that is a whole other story ) . So there I was , an awkward preteen too tall for her spandex and too young for contacts trying to " fit in " with the athletes . Needless to say my athletic career as a softball player did not go far . Yet the memory I carry most vividly from those days on the dusty field are who was in the stands . My grandfather came to every game ( that is the memory I want to keep ) with his cowbell . Yes a cowbell . He was infamous at the local high school for bringing that same bell to the football games . He would ring it loud so everyone would know whose back he had . I knew without a doubt whether I caught the ball or struck out every time up at ba . t that bell would ring . People would stare in annoyance while others would cheer along with him . Either way I knew I mattered . That I was enough . These past two years have been gut wrenching in the parenting department . When you find out from school officials that your beautiful girl has been mutilating her thighs under your own roof it opens a door of anguish you never knew you could feel . We later found it was because she was being bullied day in and day out . She didn 't want to bother us with it because we were also dealing with a newfound diagnosis of our youngest daughter . She took it upon herself to " feel " what she needed to feel . Knowing that we her parents were overwhelmed with doctors appointments all over the city and medication that never seemed to work , she in her middle school way thought she was " handling it " . And I as a mother knew in that moment sitting across from the school dean watching her show me my daughters deep wounds I knew that I had failed her . I had not been paying attention and listening to the cues she was giving . That winter we decided after attempts at counselors who told her this was " normal " that perhaps we would take another angle at this . ( Side note , do not EVER tell a grieving parent that their child carving themselves is NORMAL . If I would not have gotten in trouble or perhaps arrested I would have leapt across the therapist 's office and kicked her in the gut . I didn 't . But the mama bear in me wanted to ) . As parents we decided to call upon " our people " . The women in our lives that have stood in the gap for us on numerous occasions , because we all know it takes a village , and asked them for feedback and how to help her best . One of my very best friends SHOWED UP . She became her mentor . Pouring into her , listening to her , hearing her . She discovered that she had a talent for basketball and encouraged her to try playing . She met her where she was at and opened her eyes to more that was lying within . She took her to basketball games , fed her ( cause we all know that is the key to a middle schoolers soul ) , and showed up . She showed up for her games , her injuries , her life . She showed up . I think we are all called to be a people who SHOW UP . To stand at the top of the bleaches and ring that cowbell the loudest . To be that teacher that shows up . To pour into that student that continues to act out . They are acting out because they need someone to show up . To be that student pastor that shows up to kids events . To cheer them on outside of the church walls . To enter into their mess of a life and say " I am not leaving " . To be the friend that forgives lavishly and pours mercy over others like it 's the only way to live . To be the coach that shows up . To set aside your frustrations and expectations and believe that each child on your team deserves to know they are somebody . To be the parent that shows up when everything in you wants to hide and not listen to another " recorder " concert in your living room . To be the spouse that shows up and says no matter what I believe in " us " . I think this is what Jesus taught us . To be people who show up . To be the ones who see the mess and still enter in . To know that we will probably get wounded and hurt but in the end it was worth it . It 's worth it knowing that the ones we are cheering for need it more than we need to be comfortable . Because the world is loud and full of lies . It is full of bullies . Telling us we are not enough . Telling us that we can do things on our own . That we don 't need anyone else . That if we hide and handle it ourselves that somehow that makes us stronger . When in reality we are strongest when we show our mess to those we trust the most . But you see , this is Jesus . He is a God of second chances . He is a God of hope and healing . He brought others in to our lives , so we could hear the cowbells again . As a mom . As a wife . As a friend . Do not think I take for granted those of you in our lives that have " shown up " . You have shown up for my marriage . For my children . For our faith . And we are so grateful . Filed Under : grace , healing , Jesus , parenting , Uncategorized · Tagged With : cowbell , friendship , grace , self - harmThe Circles We Live In January 31 , 2015 by shelimassie · 1 Comment We live in circles . Circles of friends . Circles of family . Circles of status . A wise friend pointed out something to me not too long ago . Not so much pointed out to me more like drew it out for me . Because I am a visual learner and I have the attention span of a third grader after recess . The circle of anxiety and fear . This is where I read too many tragic stories or hear the news and it becomes paralyzing in my every thought and action . Where I react to someone out of fear rather than love . The circle of judgment . This one at times is pretty big . I become very smart about every subject and don 't need to know the whole story because obviously I know the right answer . This is a very pious and forthright circle . The circle of busyness . Here I have no time for anyone and time for everything . I fill my schedule and find that I am irritable and quick to snap because I haven 't bothered to take care of myself or those that are under my own roof . I find that my house is out of control and the kids soak that in . The circle of resentment . This one I choose to use when I am feeling less then . I jump into my circle of resentment and carry around the heaviness of expectations that I had for myself that have not yet come to completion . The circle of safety . When this circle gets too big I panic . I have to keep this circle small . For my own healing . When too many are let in I feel exposed and the safety goes away . But I am craving the circle of love and forgiveness . In there I feel freedom . In there I see growth . In there I see acceptance . In there I embrace change . In there I feel like the weight has been lifted . In there I see clear . In there I am open and filled with hope and joy . In there is alignment with Christ . |
Kieara wandered through the streets . Could it be considered her home now ? It seemed all she ever did now was wander one place to the next . If it was her home she wouldn 't be wandering the streets . If it was her home , someone might actually try to show her some kindness . Why was she even here ? A tool for them to amuse their selves with ? Well if there was one good thing to being on the streets , it was that she got to see the flowers outside . They were beautiful . She loved flowers . The time she 'd been away had been more than enough time for her to think . For everything to sit on her mind . Sometimes it was nearly too much for her to bear . She couldn 't count the nights she 'd sat and cried because she was at a loss and didn 't know what to do . Kieara had been on her own some weeks ago . She 'd been early in her pregnancy then . Had only just begun to show really . And those people . . . . Those people treated her like a dog . She couldn 't just get rid of an innocent child . After all , it was a part of her as well . Not just the man who took what he wanted from her . Not just him . It was a beautiful baby within her , but they didn 't see it like that . They saw a whore . A harlot . A complete breech of any moral standing . Even when she 'd tried to explain the truth to them . And that man ? . . . That man who took what he wanted from her in every possible way . Violated her beyond repair and took something from her she 'd never be able to get back . Her purity . He 'd pretty much ruined any hope of her getting a husband . Not now , not with a baby on the way and her purity being taken . They wouldn 't give her a second glance . However , she couldn 't help but thank him in a twisted way . For if he hadn 't , she wouldn 't be expecting right now , nor would she feel this sense of love for the small being growing inside of her . She felt isolated , alone , and helpless . She needed a hero , needed someone to save her . Save her from their stares , their words , their refusal to help her . They wouldn 't even do her business to give her food to eat . No one would let her buy cloth to make clothes for the infant . They wouldn 't let her do anything . They tortured her . She would starve to death soon . That much is certain . With no help and no one to turn to or nowhere to go ? She was a goner . Even with the bulge on her stomach of a woman about 4 or 5 months pregnant , one could see her face was thin and so was her arms and legs showing her malnourishment . She was in the streets begging for food . She recalled , the last thing she 'd eaten had been some bread . Where she 'd gotten it she couldn 't remember . That was too long ago . When had she eaten last ? She could remember what it was but not when ? It must have been quite awhile ago . Her hair was like fire . An auburn mess of ringlets that dropped down her back to just above her derriere . Though at the current time it was rather tangled and dirty from being on the streets . She was petite , even while she was pregnant . One could easily see she was all baby weight . She only stood at a height of 5 ' 1 . Not exceptionally short , but height deprived enough to be considered so . The pregnancy had brought out the woman 's natural curves , her breasts had grown , but so had her stomach evening the balance . Her eyes were a bright aquamarine blue . She bore a line of freckles across her cheeks and nose that would crinkle when she laughed . Her skin was a pale as porcelain but smudged with dirt , bruises , bloodied cuts , scars from old ones . Reminders of the many beatings she 'd already received and stonings out of towns . She wore her hair in a ponytail that draped over her back . It at least got the hair out of her face . There were scars and bruises on her arms and legs to accompany the rest of her broken body that had yet to heal from them stoning her out of multiple towns over her condition . She wore an emerald dress with golden embroidery on the sleeves of it . It was torn and tattered and also dirty . It appeared even to be too small for her large belly now . The woman was weary from so much travel . She was tired and wanted to rest , but she couldn 't afford to . She was eating for two , and she needed food desperately . She wobbled to a bakers door . She was stopped at the front by an angry man . " Shoo ! Shoo ! Get out of here whore ! " Kieara frowned tears streaking her dirt stained cheeks . " Please sir . . . . I am begging , may I just have a bit of bread ? . . . . " He glared . The larger man boomed in an angry voice . " No ! Now get ! " He shouted giving the woman a shove . She stumbled backwards a bit finally falling onto her behind in the cobblestone street . She pushed herself up weakly to go in search of food elsewhere . Cecil had always been a brave boy . From childhood , he had been told to always stay strong , and stay true to his ideals . His grandmother had taught him to always help when he felt in his heart the ability to do so . He was on his weekly trip to town with just a bag over his shoulder when he saw it . He had just tied his horse to one of the poles and was stroking its mane as he heard it . The baker had just pushed away a woman . Despite the dirt it was clear to see how beautiful she must 've been before something bad had happened . Her eyes were like crystals , and her hair fiery red , almost to the point that it looked like it was on fire . Looking closer , he figured that she was pregnant . Now it suddenly made sense . He looked closer and at the look in her eyes , he seemed to freeze and stop to a halt in his actions . He had only seen that look once before . His father had abused his older sister when they were young , and the sister had done so to protect Cecil from harm . He had seen that same look in his sister 's eyes back then . She was definitely not pregnant out of free will . As she was knocked to the ground , he walked over and kneeled down , holding a hand out towards her . " Are you alright ? " He asked in a soft voice . His messy , black hair made him seem like only a silhouette in the sun , and his eyes were green as grass , almost too green . Despite being tall of stature , he had a slim build , very unlike the baker and any other man in town . He did not show the usual traits of a worker in town . Most of the townspeople had brown or dirty blonde hair and brown eyes . He looked just as much like a foreigner as she did . Despite the looks everyone sent him as he held a hand out to the girl , he kept sitting there stubbornly . He would always think of what his grandmother had taught him . He had been taught to help people who needed it , to cheer up people who looked sad , to comfort someone in pain , and lastly , to follow his heart . He had spent almost his entire childhood learning from his grandmother , and his parents didn 't seem to care . They had never had money problems , but Cecil had had to run away at some point , as his town was attacked . They were looking for soldiers to drag along and he had been a perfect candidate . He ran away from home and settled in an abandoned house out in the forest . It was a large house but it had needed some maintenance . He started hunting for food , and had shown a talent for it . After a while he decided to try and see if he could get a job . He had always liked to sew and such with his grandmother , creating beautiful patterns for dresses , curtains , carpets and whatnot . He had started selling that in town to the wealthier women , who had been very satisfied with it . Each week he would go to town and talk to some of the people , but everything would remain the same . He had no obligation or desire to tell people about his past or his family . He had abandoned his name and become " Cecil " . He refused to stay with his last name , and the mysterious aura around him made him a common target amongst the young girls in town . Cecil was barely 17 , a tall boy with slightly wide shoulders and a slim face , that , accompanied by his large eyes , made him seem slightly feminine , at least compared to other men in the town . He looked much like a dream prince of most girl 's fantasies , but he didn 't seem to be aware of this fact in the least . Kieara looked up when something shielded her from the sun . It was a young man . He looked to be no older than she . And he was absolutely divine looking . He was handsome in every sense of the word . She couldn 't help but stare for a moment to admire him . As she regained herself she gently took his hand letting him help her up . " Thank you kind sir . " She nodded to him . She knew if she stayed she 'd slander what reputation he did have , therefore she spoke again . " I will leave then . . . before they start on you too . " She began to wobble off . As she were about to leave , he grabbed her arm . He could not afford to let this girl get away , in fear of her walking away now and then die . He could see that she would wither away , and the child would not survive this either . He would never let a person like that go away if he could do something against it . " I want you to come with me . Would that be too much of trouble to you , miss ? " He asked softly , his hand remaining gently , but firmly around her wrist . He did not care for reputation , status , power , nothing . The people who would not help this woman were the ones who should consider their own selves . Selfish , undignified people . He would never want to do anything to be a part of those people . She looked at him with weary eyes . Eyes rimmed in dark circles showing lack of sleep and abundance of worry . They reflected how much she 'd really been through in these past months . She looked at him for a long moment before she finally spoke . " I suppose . . . . " She didn 't know why he wanted her to come with him but things couldn 't get any worse . He took her with him and helped her up on his horse after he 'd let it go . He patted the horse as he set off for his house . After not long , he reached the house in the forest , and he pulled her into his arms , practically carrying her to a couch in the warm living room . He sat down on his knees in front of her , looking up into her eyes . " Is there anything you 'd like to eat while I prepare a bath for you ? I can make a vegetable soup for you and the little one . " He smiled calmly at her . He 'd do anything in his power to make the look in this girl 's eyes go away . Kieara held her stomach as the horse trodded off . She rested her hands on her stomach looking around here and there . Where was he taking her ? Why so far into the woods ? She didn 't quite understand . When the got there and he packed her inside she was surprised at his strength to do so . Packing a little one meant extra weight . She looked at him when he set her down . Her clothes were ragged and torn and not really fit to be put back on . " I could cook . . . it 's the least I could do . . . " " Okay , I have prepared the shower . There 's a change of clothes out there for you , a dress loose around the stomach just in case . I want you to go take a long shower and then I 'll cook up some dinner . " He sounded insistend as he spoke , looking into her eyes , having again taken his position at his knees in front of her . He had to make sure that this girl knew that he was here to help her . Kieara looked at him and was about to protest to sitting still when he scurried off . She loved the attention , but at the same time , she felt she owed this man . The promise of food and shelter was nearly enough to make her weep with joy . She took the time that he was moving about to look around his quaint little home . She smiled at this and then looked back to the door where he re - entered . AS he kneeled in front of her again she looked and listened . " Thank you so much , a hot shower sounds so nice . ' She spoke and held the chair 's arm moving to stand . " I will leave you to shower . If there is any problem , you can just call for me . I 'm Cecil , by the way , nice to meet you . " He smiled as he closed the door to the bathroom , scurrying off to the kitchen whilst humming to himself . He felt a bit lightheaded but overall , he was happy to be able to help another person . He settled in the kitchen where he started picking out vegetables and meat for the course he was cooking . He was going to make sure she could go to bed with no worries about her child . Kieara blushed as he helped her up . " Thank you . " she spoke and wobbled along to the bathroom . She sat down on the chair thankful he 'd put that in there for her . She smiled up at him . " My name is Kieara . Thank you . . . . for everything . " she spoke to him . She didn 't really know what it felt like to be cared for . No one ever had for her , and she liked it . She showered and washed her hair taking care of all personal hygiene matters . She then got out and dried then dressed and combed her hair . It was a much brighter shade now , as was her skin where there weren 't any bruises and marks . He was calmly cooking the dinner , standing seemingly lost in his own world as he focused on the food and the food only . He had no reason to do anything else . He wanted to make sure that she felt cared for , that she would feel comfortable and safe in his home . And he wanted to make sure that this child would be delivered safely and not be stillborn . That 'd be the last drop for Kieara to take her life , and he did not want that . Kieara sighed seeing all her bruises and scars . She 'd been trying to look appealing for him , but it was no use . She sighed and exited waddling off towards the kitchen and finding him finishing up . She smiled and just watched him for a minute . He was so handsome and sweet . . . . . who was she kidding ? She didn 't have a chance . She glanced at the food . That was odd . . . . He seemed to have quite a talent with it . There were a lot of strange things such as that around here . She would have to learn more about him . She entered the room and spoke . " Hello again Cecil . " " Go ahead . I wouldn 't say I 'm proud of my cooking but I manage . " At the comment he smiled meekly and looked a little to the side . He wanted her to be happy but it wasn 't every day he had company in his lonely house , let alone a female his age . But he had to think about other things . This girl had seen hell . He wouldn 't want to add to that . She smiled and let him help her sit . " you 're such a sweetheart . " She complimented and watched as he sat across from her . " Nonsense it smells delicious . " She answered to him berating his own cooking . She tasted it . " It does taste amazing . " She smiled . She was starving . Perhaps it was the lack of food that made it taste so good , but either way it was still delicious . " Why don 't you tell me about yourself ? " She asked . " I don 't know really . . . I read poetry , and I like sewing and playing the violin . I live here on my own and I either hunt or sell designs or crafts for wealthy women in town . They like the blankets and dresses and stuff . " He smiled slightly realizing he wasn 't exactly the normal picture of a seventeen - year old in the current world . He felt a bit strange about talking about himself . " And you ? " Kieara seemed to like that he was different . She spoke . " I think that is a nice change from today 's standards . " She admitted . " Myself ? " she stared down into her food . " I am no one special . . . . . " She said and it was silent after that . She hadn 't planned on saying anything beyond that . She 'd had it beaten into her head all her life that she was no one , that she was only there to serve others . " Well you must be someone . So why don 't you tell me ; what kind of stuff did you like to do as a kid ? Is there some things you still like to do . " He smiled softly and looked at Kieara . He didn 't want to make her feel like this . She was someone , and she had to know that . At least she needed to know that he thought of her as someone . He thought of her as a person , an individual to take care of . Kieara looked up at his words and questions . She didn 't understand why he was so interested in her , nor why he 'd want to take care of her . She thought about it . " Well , when I was a little girl , I never really got to go play or have fun like most kids . My father drank and he made me stay in the house . The longest I was ever outside , I was picking apples from the orchard . " she admitted . " I do like to cook though . " She said . He smiles honestly as he finishes his dinner , sitting at the table across her . He didn 't know what to say to her so he just smiled a little , trying to calm her down . He felt a little bad that she seemingly had a hard childhood as well . He wanted to make her feel happy but he felt unsure as to if that was possible for him . Iwaku is a roleplay community . We don 't just write stories - we live them ! Roleplaying is stepping in to the life of a character and experiencing what they experience . Here on Iwaku , we 're all about giving you the freedom to write anything you want while providing a safe and friendly community to do it in . Our site contains forum roleplay , chat roleplay , group roleplay , private roleplay , as well as other methods for living your stories . We are a community ran by REAL PEOPLE ! We are not a corporation or a company . Our server , domain , and software licenses are privately owned and paid for 100 % out of our own pockets . To help pay for these monthly costs , we are more than happy to take donations from members in exchange for super spiffy extra tools and features on the boards . For more information you can view our Donating FAQs . |
Yogi Berra was quoted as saying " If you come to the fork in the road take it . " Actually this made perfect sense as Yogi was giving directions to his house in New Jersey . The road to his house was interrupted by a blockage and two different roads seemingly going in different directions . Each road however circled back to Yogi 's house so if you got to the fork you couldn 't go wrong . Unfortunately the forks in our life roads go in opposite directions and the destinations are completely different . It was just a few short weeks ago . Earl Robinette was contacted by the Detroit Tigers . They wanted him to come in and sign a contract . His son had contacted the Tigers office and told them the story that Earl had been living with for years . You see Earl is 80 years old . The contract that he was given to sign was a nice gesture by the Tigers . It was a one day contract to symbolically relive a time in his life years ago . It was a fork in his road that appeared in 1954 and he has lived with the decision all of these years . " What would have happened if I had signed that contract ? " , he must have asked himself over and over . " How would that decision have affected my life and where would I be now ? " In 1954 Earl Robinette was 19 years old . He was the oldest of 6 children and he had responsibilities . That day he was out about a quarter of a mile from his farm house using a horse to cultivate a cornfield . It had rained and he wasn 't able to get the tractor in the area . He saw his father frantically waiving a white towel for him to come to the house . Earl rode the horse in and his brothers gave him a clean shirt and hosed him down because he was filthy . When he entered the house to his surprise there were 3 Detroit Tigers executives there to meet him . They had discovered Earl at a tryout camp in Mount Pleasant , Michigan which is just south of his hometown of Clare County . Earl was a switch hitting outfielder with a strong arm and apparently the Tigers felt he had a great baseball future ! According to Earl there was a contract laid out in front of him which included a $ 28 , 000 signing bonus . Earl was pleased to know that these executive experts had considered him worthy of such a contract and was ready to sign the deal . He looked to his parents for final approval before he took the leap but they just sat there . He never could figure out why they didn 't respond . Maybe they thought they were looking out for Earl 's best interest . Maybe they didn 't think much of the life of a baseball player . Whatever the reason they just sat there until the executives decided that it wasn 't going to happen and picked up their contract and left . So Earl now 80 walked down the long hall way at Comerica Park . The walls were covered with Tiger players from the past . Maybe if things had worked out differently Earl 's picture would be right there with them . Of course it wasn 't and there was nothing he could do about that now . Earl was seated at a table that signings regularly took place . Most of the big names on the team had signed their contracts right on that same table . This contract was specially made for Earl and he didn 't hesitate to sign it ! He was given a Tiger jersey and a hat . It was a time of reflection Had he signed , Earl summed up that he never would have met his wife and had the happy family that he ended up with . Had the signing taken place it is anyone 's guess where he would have ended up . It 's one of life 's mysteries that we all go through in one way or another based on decisions that we make . Jesus too has a contract waiting for us to sign . There isn 't a mystery as far as where the decision to follow Christ takes us . It leads to a heavenly home and eternal life with him ! There won 't be a man made hall with pictures to remember . In God 's hall of fame faces shine forever and ever and never grow old ! Unlike the contract from the Tigers Jesus keeps his contract on the table . You may be older now and regret the fact that you haven 't signed his contract yet . Know that it isn 't too late . Jesus is still waiting with his pen in hand . Like the directions to Yogi 's house whether you are 19 or 80 the destination after taking God 's road ends at the same place ! At the end of Billy Graham 's messages you heard the song . It was a song pleading for lost sinners to come home . Just as I am with just one plea , but that thou blood was shed for me . Billy Graham preached to millions over his lifetime ! His messages were hope to the lost . They were about how God could take a life that was broken and fix it ! " For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God " , he would invariably say . I remember so well watching his crusades on TV . After the services it seemed like thousands were going up front to accept God 's gift of salvation ! Billy Graham was a revered leader to those who believed in his message and even those who didn 't . He was frequently in the company of leaders and presidents ! He was always in the conversation as one of the most respected people of his time ! Yet , for all of the success that Billy Graham had bringing people to Christ he had a rebellious son who was lost and living a life far from God . In 1952 William Franklin Graham entered the world . Franklin made the comment in the opening line of his book Rebel With A Cause , that " If I had understood the messages people were sending me on the day I was born , I might just have crawled right back where I 'd come from and taken a rain check ! " Of course he was joking but here is a sample of sentiments that came that day . A Western Union telegram read " Welcome to this sin - sick world and the challenge you have to walk in your daddy 's footsteps . " A card read " May his great father 's mantle fall on him . " A note to the Grahams stated , " We heard that your daddy has new help for preaching God 's truth . Praise the Lord ! Grow up fast ! " " Good luck and best wishes to the young preacher " , another card encouraged . One Catholic admirer stated " I 'll bet that your new boy will be a Catholic some day , maybe priest , bishop , or cardinal , possibly pope . He would then be infallible in matters of faith and morals . Franklin stated that he was sure that all of the people who applauded his birth meant well . They would not knowingly put pressure on him to live up to his powerful father 's image . Yet at an early age he realized that being the first son of a legend would be both a blessing and a burden . Franklin grew up loving the mountains . They were settled in Montreat , North Carolina which is 15 miles east of Asheville . The mountainous region was just the setting that made Franklin love the outdoors . Sightseers frequently visited their first house wanting to get a glimpse of where the great Billy Graham lived . Many times they would come right up to the door . Franklin 's mom Ruth valued their privacy and when another group of tourists left one day she proclaimed " that 's enough . " " We need our privacy . " They bought some land in the mountains just outside of Montreat and she named it " Little Piney Cove . " To Franklin it was a place he loved and always referred to as home . Ruth 's idea was to be practical and build a log cabin home . Buying three different abandoned log shacks and using the logs on each one to build their new home was practical in her mind . She was the daughter of missionaries to China and almost didn 't marry Billy Graham because she had her heart on becoming a missionary too . Franklin naturally looked for a father figure . His father Billy Graham was a world figure and was often away . Later in his ministry Billy would be able to fly to his crusades and fly back home the next day . In those earlier years though Billy Graham could be gone weeks or months at a time . When preaching the gospel overseas his mode of travel back then was often times ships . Adding to the travel time was the many countries that welcomed Billy Graham and his message . The result was salvation to thousands across the world yet also a missing father to his own family . Young Franklin used to go with his mother as she supervised the new construction . Franklin was fascinated by the teamwork and precision these men displayed . He was also fascinated by their smoking . Invariably he would pick up their cigarette butts and try to smoke them too . It was an inward cry I 'm sure of being like men he admired . The workers got a kick out of young Franklin and sometimes dropped half smoked cigarettes in his path just to watch him delightfully pick them up and smoke . His mother would invariably catch and reprimand him not to do that , but that didn 't stop Franklin . One day his mother tried to break him of his habit of smoking used butts . Their caretaker Floyd Roberts stopped by to make sure everything was alright . Ruth asked Floyd if she could have the cigarettes in his front pocket . " I 'm going to teach Franklin a lesson " , she offered . With the cigarettes in hand she called Franklin down to the kitchen in front of the fireplace . " What is she up to ? " , Franklin wondered . She pulled out one of the cigarettes and handed it to Franklin . " Now light it up and smoke it and make sure you inhale . " Franklin couldn 't believe his mother was giving him permission to smoke ! Ruth on the other hand thought that the smoking would make Franklin throw up and rid his habit for good . Well she was partially right ! Franklin did run to the bathroom and threw up but to her surprise he came back and smoked some more ! After breaking for the bFranklin loved the great outdoors and spent many an hour finding his entertainment in the mountains . He didn 't like being cooped up inside and to him school was just that . While in school his mind was invariably on adventures instead of what it should have been on . As a result his grades were never what they could have been . Comments would always suggest that Franklin could be such a better student if he only applied himself . When he was thirteen he heard his father 's distinct voice calling him . " Franklin , I need to talk to you . " As he entered the room Franklin wondered " What now ? " " Your going to Stony Brook " , Billy Graham said in that forceful distinct way that he made his points when he preached . Franklin knew that it was pointless to argue because the decision was already made . Franklin felt a dull ache in his chest . If his parents were going to send him away why didn 't they choose a school in the south ? He was a southern boy and hated the idea of going to school with Yankees from the north . Stony Brook was a Christian boarding school on Long Island in New York . Franklin felt lost right away as the schools academic expectations were very high . Discipline however seemed to be rule number one at the school . Students were required to dress up in shirt , tie , and jacket . Since Franklin didn 't have proper clothes for the school his father took him shopping just before he left and bought him a wardrobe of proper clothes . Franklin was used to wearing his casual jeans and shirts around his mountain home and school . Now he was required to wear clothing that he simply didn 't like . Living in the dorm was another challenge to Franklin . He felt like his freedom had been taken away , much like being sent to prison . He was a loner in many ways and now he had a roommate . Although his roommate was nice enough it wasn 't a comfortable living situation for him . To top it all off Franklin 's southern accent made him different from most of the other kids . He simply didn 't feel like he belonged . Franklin felt that the school put it 's values in the wrong places . For instance they were very disciplined as far as the student dress code went . However , when it came to respect that the students showed for their teachers they seemed very relaxed . Franklin , though rebellious , had grown up learning to respect his elders . It seemed that the school let kids get away with mouthing off all of the time . In his former school , if he caused problems he was hit with a paddle . At Stony Brook they just accumulated demerits . If they reached a certain level they were forced to sit in a study hall . " Big deal " , Franklin thought of what he perceived as soft punishment for multiple offenders . Franklin discovered a deli and became friends with some of the guys who worked there . They let him in the back room where he could smoke and drink a beer or two whenever he wanted to . Later because he made it known that he would like to live alone the school gave him a single room . It wasn 't very big but he liked the fact that he could go out on the ledge and smoke ! Of course smoking was illegal at the school and when asked if he did he would always lie . When someone would state that he smelled like smoke he might reply that he just came out of the kitchen and the cook was smoking and blew smoke on him . Still in his heart he knew that he was walking a tight rope . He was hard and callused and didn 't care what happened . He was determined to be rebellious and he went against everything the school was trying to stand for . On the other hand he didn 't want to bring a bad light on his famous father . Mixed up and confused all he really wanted to do was come home . By Thanksgiving of his junior year Franklin summoned up enough courage to confront his dad about his situation . " Daddy " , he stated " I 'd like to finish school here in Black Mountain . " His father quickly stated , " Stick it out Franklin , next year you will graduate . " Undaunted Franklin made his point . " Daddy , if you don 't let me come home by Christmas they will probably kick me out sometime this year ! Don 't you think it would be better for me to bring it to an end gracefully ? " Deep down he knew that his dad knew he was breaking rules and rebelling against authority at every turn . He had become very cynical and hard hearted . " Let me talk it over with your mom and pray about it " , was his fathers response . The next day Franklin was pleasantly surprised . " Stay at Stony Brook until Christmas and you can come home . " Franklin could hardly hide his excitement and delight ! He would be coming home from a place he despised to his beloved mountains ! When Franklin got back to his home school he was pleasantly surprised again ! Since Stony Brook had such high academic standards Franklin was already way ahead of his class . He was promoted to the senior class and allowed to graduate with them . Still things did not go smoothly that year . He was suspended from school for getting into a fight with another student . The other student was much bigger than Franklin and was used to picking on the other students without recourse . Franklin wouldn 't take abuse from anyone and stood up for himself . He was told that one more altercation like that and he would be out the door . He had another incident but fortunately it wasn 't with the school . Franklin loved to drive fast and usually the local police officer let it go . One time however as Franklin breezed by him the officer started a chase . Franklin seeing the police car with lights flashing in his rear view mirror and knowing that the police cars in his town were ill equipped to keep up with him didn 't stop . He hit the accelerator and quickly ditched the officer pulling into the house property and quickly shutting the gate . A few minutes later his fathers voice called for him . " Franklin , come down here immediately ! " Confronting him was the officer and his father . Franklin was surprised when his father said that he supported the officer and if he wanted to take Franklin to jail he backed it 100 % . Fortunately he was just given a stern warning about the dangers he was causing by his reckless behavior . Fortunately Franklin was able to complete the year without further trouble . It was discovered after he was accepted to a college in Texas that he was one credit short of graduation . His father stepped in on his behalf and they made an agreement that he would finish his high school credit at the same time that he was taking freshman classes in college . His famous father went to bat for Franklin and he was grateful ! You would think that Franklin would be satisfied . However , he went to his father again telling him that he would like to go to Alaska . Wanting to see new sights he sold his father on the idea . Making contacts and using his influence with people he knew Billy Graham got Franklin and a friend named Jim jobs on the Alaskan pipeline . Unfortunately when they arrived their jobs were not available due to protests from environmentalists . Franklin wasn 't worried because the same company had other jobs . Unfortunately he was split up from Jim and didn 't see him again . Jim ended up going back after a few weeks but Franklin remained in Nome the rest of the summer . He loved being outdoors and working his 12 hour shifts . He had never felt so free and he was making all kinds of money ! He also flew with his bosses son . He was always excited about motorized things and was always interested in taking things apart and putting them back together . Being that close to the pilot and seeing how he navigated the big aircraft enhanced his desire to learn to fly himself . LeTourneau College was Franklin 's college of choice . LeTourneau was named after R . G . Letourneau , a prominant Christian businessman who had been an early supporter of Billy Graham crusades . R . G . loved flying and had a heavy desire to spread the gospel . He realized that so much more could be accomplished through the air and he founded the technical school to train students to be pilots and engineers for missionary service . LeTourneau also trained other tradesmen such as welders and machinists . Franklin was assigned a roommate named Bill . Right away Franklin and Bill really got along well . Even though Bill was totally focused and Franklin was not , the two hit it off ! Bill wanted to be a pilot for the missionaries and his life was totally dedicated to God . Even though he was a born again Christian , Franklin noticed that Bill was not the stuffy kind of Christian that he had noticed many were . Bill was fun loving and adventurous . Franklin learned a lot from Bill . Bill took Franklin up in his little plane . Bill 's plane was small and kind of junky , but Franklin loved that plane and the rides they took . Bill was one of the big reasons that Franklin was happy at the college . The other was the classes he was taking . He could see that the things he was learning could be beneficial to him later in life ! Franklin was fascinated with flying and received his pilots license . That led to a mishap that detoured him from flying for awhile . He borrowed a plane and took a few friends on a trip . As they were landing on the flight home he misjudged his speed and the length of the landing strip . He couldn 't stop the plane in time and ran off of the runway . The plane was severely damaged but nobody was hurt . Feeling embarrassed by what had happened Franklin avoided people for as long as he could . Finally Bill encouraged him to go up again . Bill from his own experiences knew that mishaps can happen and the best remedy is to be fearless . When his father wanted Franklin to join him in Vero Beach Florida where they were vacationing Franklin took some friends and rented a turbo jet . At the airport in Florida Franklin made a perfect landing as his dad watched intently . After visiting for a few days they were flying back in the fog and the plane had lost it 's radio signal . They could see the lights to the city and found the airport . Since they couldn 't radio they circled hoping that somehow someone would notice them and give permission to land . Just as they were about to give up hope the green light came on . Franklin was delighted and lowered the plane carefully . Just then all of the airport lights went on and he could see very clearly and was able to land the plane perfectly ! As soon as he landed the plane and coasted to a stop all of the lights went out . As they were walking away from the plane someone encountered Franklin . " Is that your plane ? " , he wanted to know " and did you just land ? " When Franklin acknowledged that he did the man wanted to know who gave him clearance ? Franklin and his passengers all confirmed that the green light had come on as an indicator for him to land . Before they left Florida Billy Graham had prayed for Franklin and his passengers that God would give them safe flying and a good landing . Franklin saw the results of that prayer that night . He would find out that someone was touring the airpFranklin 's idea of what a missionary looked like drastically changed on his next summer job . He was able to get a job through his fathers ministry of setting up travel arrangements for tours of the middle east . In Franklin 's mind missionaries were just old people because that is what he was exposed to as they came to speak at his church growing up . Franklin was astonished that two ladies were running a hospital in Mafraq . In the middle east men dominate the culture . Yet here was these two women doing great things for God in the middle of this male oriented society . They were in the process of building a new hospital when Franklin met them . He heard them talking about a need to expand their work . The more he heard them share their messages to tour groups the more he wanted to help them in some way . When he got back home he told his dad that he had been praying about the mission field . Of course it wasn 't true . Franklin didn 't pray much and never about becoming a missionary . However the statement got his fathers attention . He told him about those two ladies and how they were struggling and that they needed a land rover fully equipped to navigate in the desert . If the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association would purchase this for them he said that he would sacrifice his education for a semester and pick the land rover up in England . Then he would deliver it to them and stick around to supervise the building of the hospital . Billy Graham was stunned by his sons statement . Franklin admitted that he had never laid quite this big of a whopper on him before . " I 'll talk to your mother and pray about it " , he replied . A few days later they talked again . " You can go Franklin " , was his reply " the organization will pay for you the land rover and gas to get to Jordan , but you will have to pay with your own spending money for everything else . " Franklin wrestled with the situation . Was this trip important to him at all ? If so how would he raise the necessary money ? One option was to sell his Triumph TR - 6 automobile . He loved that car and a friend of his fathers ministry gave him $ 1 , 000 to help him buy it on the promise that he would quit smoking . He did quit for a week but found himself smoking again . In the end he decided to sell the car . Driving a land rover across the middle east was an adventure he couldn 't pass up . His parents were concerned about him going alone so he called his friend Bill . Bill was up for the adventure and everyone felt better that Franklin would not be traveling by himself . Throughout all of the ordeals they went through Franklin felt he was having the time of his life . He was smoking and drinking and having a ball across the middle east . Bill on the other hand had a friend in his Bible . He was such a dedicated Christian that Franklin was affected . Bill didn 't preach to Franklin about his life style . He just lived his life around Franklin and let that preach to him . We fast forward to age 22 and Franklin had just graduated from college . It wasn 't LeTourneau though . He had been expelled from that school for failing to get a co - ed back in time after a flying trip with her met bad weather conditions . He had called the school and explained the situation but it didn 't matter . It seems that being Billy Grahams son he was judged on a higher standard . He graduated from a college close to home and he was at a conference at his fathers ministry in Switzerland . After dinner his father confronted him . " Franklin , your mother and I sense that there is a struggle in your life . Franklin wondered how his father knew and he was caught totally off guard . " You can 't continue to play the middle ground " , he continued . " You have to either accept Christ or reject him . " " I want you to know Franklin that we are very proud of you and we will love you no matter what you do with your life and our door is always opened , but you will have to make a choice . " Billy Graham patted his son on the back and said no more . Franklin had prided himself on being so clever but he realized he wasn 't fooling anyone . He was in the midst of some of the most beautiful scenery in the world yet he felt so empty and lost . The congress in Switzerland ended a few days later and Franklin bolted off to help a friend of the Graham organization on his last tour through the middle east . Traveling with him was a young Christian named David Hill . David Hill was very committed to his faith and was always reading his Bible . The demands of the job kept Franklin very busy . When they reached Jerusalem David shared with Franklin from Romans about how there was no condemnation for those who believed in Christ . Also scripture from the apostle Paul on how he was trying to do right but kept doing wrong . Franklin began to sweat and lit up a cigarette to break the tension . Instead of going to the bar for a couple of beers that night Franklin found himself alone in his room . He found a Bible and was reading it . The words of his father about making a decision were ringing in his ears . He knew that something was desperately missing in his life and he felt so empty . He found that although he was the son of Billy Graham , went to church , and memorized scripture for years he was totally empty inside . Franklin Graham was saved that night . It wasn 't at one of his fathers big crusades with thousands of people watching . It wasn 't when someone was right there leading him to the Lord . It was kneeling by the bed in a far away hotel room pouring out his confession and sorrow for the wayward life he was living . Since that day Franklin got married , had four children , became the head of an organization called Samaritan 's Purse , and later ran his fathers organization . Franklin found his calling in helping people with needs . Billy Graham 's ministry dealt with the final phase where people accepted Christ . Franklin 's calling was to prepare people to get to that point . " How can people listen and accept Christ when they are hungry and without essential clothing ? " People will always compare Franklin to his famous father . " Franklin does not have the smooth eloquent way of expressing himself that his father did " , they would say . " There will never be another Billy Graham " , it was said through the years . The fact is that there will never be another Franklin Graham either . We all are different and have special unique qualities that God can use ! Just like Franklin couldn 't get by on his fathers legacy the same holds true for us . No matter who our parents are good or bad , we have to come to God on our own . Franklin found that it doesn 't matter to God what everyone else expected . What is important is what God expects from him . As he hears the song lyrics " Just As I Am " , I 'm sure he often thinks about his own situation . Growing up with expectations made Franklin rebel . Now he realized that God didn 't expect him to be Billy Graham . He was expected to be Franklin Graham ! When Franklin had remorse for his sins God looked down and saved him just like he was ! He felt freedom for the first time realizing that he was his own man and felt comfort knowing that God would help him create his own shadow ! The cab pulled into our driveway and I went out the front door to meet it . I was eleven years old and dressed in my full baseball uniform . My uniform was a baby blue with yellow lettering , stirrups , and a hat much like the yellow color of the cab . This was the first time I had ever ridden in a cab . Even the circumstances were unusual but very thoughtful . You see my dad was working again . He was on the swing shift and here I was without a ride to my game . I had wanted to play Little League again after a year off because of the ride issue . I think I talked dad into the fact that somehow I would get a ride when he couldn 't take me . Usually that turned out to be the case but on this particular night no ride was available . That is when my loving mom stepped in . She knew how much I wanted to be at my game and the only way for her to get me there was the yellow cab now sitting in our driveway . Growing up we were always playing some kind of ball games in our neighborhood . It was so different than it is today . Today everything is organized and grownups are involved . We played games amongst ourselves and used our imaginations too ! We played Wiffleball a lot usually in someone 's backyard . It was a two person game and it was only hitting , not running . Each person would choose a professional team and each at bat you would call out who was batting . For instance the Detroit Tigers were always chosen by one or the other . When you announced a particular player now batting you tried your best to duplicate their batting stance . The Tigers at that time had a player named Dick McAuliffe . He had the most unusual batting stance maybe of all time . He was a left handed batter but he had an extremely opened stance as he was turned completely facing the pitcher . His bat was not back like most players positioned it . His arms were stiff and the bat was extended way out away from his body . Naturally he was the most fun player to mimic because it was so exaggerated that everyone knew who it was . As unnatural as it seemed for McAuliffe it became natural . Years later someone asked him why he used such an extreme stance ? " When I first went to the minor leagues " , McAuliffe stated " I was hitting everything to the left side . The coach had me open up my stance to help me hit to all fields . " With that extreme batting stance McAuliffe was very successful and played a number of very productive years ! The rules have changed countless times in the game of basketball over the years . One thing that hasn 't changed however is the free throw . The distance is still 15 feet from the basket and the player is shooting unopposed . They call the line " the charity stripe " , but many playing the game are not good at taking charity . Early on Rick Barry 's father knowing the importance of making free throws taught his son the underhand approach . For years Barry was the only one in professional basketball shooting his free throws that way . Barry recalled his first game of shooting free throws underhand at the high school level . From the stands he heard a voice " hey Barry , you are shooting like a sissy ! " Another voice piped in from the man sitting next to the original . " What are you complaining about ? He doesn 't miss ! " When Barry contemplated how unusual and weird his form was his father had words of wisdom . " Nobody will make fun of you as long as you are making them ! " Barry was the best free throw shooter of his time in the NBA ! He shot 90 % for his career ! He once made 60 free throws in a row ! Nobody laughs at how unusual Barry 's free throws looked . They only marvel about his uncanny accuracy ! I think as Christians we can fall in love with traditions and the way things are " supposed " to be . God made us all different with different talents and abilities so it doesn 't make sense that everyone 's ministry would look the same . Dick McAuliffe 's unusual batting stance ended up not so unusual at all . You see McAuliffe 's stance changed as the pitch was coming and he was striding into the ball . His bat came back into more of a typical position and his weight shifted much like the technique all successful hitters employ . The difference was not in the fundamentals but how he got there . Maybe someone is doing something different in their ministry to attract people for God . The bottom line should always be " Do they preach the fundamentals of the virgin birth , resurrection , and saved by grace ? If the answer is yes then it is just a matter of the fisherman using the proper lure to attract certain types of fish ! I got into the cab and we were off for the field . My mom gave me enough money to cover the cab fare I hoped , but sitting in the backseat I noticed that the meter ran pretty fast . I had a plan in my head for when we got to the field . As an eleven year old I was very sensitive to what people thought about me . I was concerned that if they saw me getting out of the cab they would have fun with it at my expense . I thought if he just drops me off at the beginning of the entrance I could walk up to the field undetected . As we pulled in I said " This is fine " , but the cab driver kept going . He drove right up in front of the field and dropped me off . Unfortunately it was right in the middle of my team and everyone 's head turned . The cab stopped and I paid the driver and made my exit . There was stirring from my team and one teammate in particular kept asking " How was the ride ? " It was the attention that I didn 't want . As an eleven year old kid I just wanted to blend in and now I was standing out . Even though there were grownups there too such as my coach and the other parents it was only the kids on my team that gave me a hard time . The more mature people knew that the important thing was that I was there , not how I got there . It 's the same way with your ministry if it is unusual in any way . It 's not going to be the mature Christians who ridicule you , it will be the ones that don 't understand that God works in many different ways ! Rick Barry did not look like everyone else as he shot those free throws , but he shot an amazing percentage ! As an eleven year old the question " How was the ride ? " almost was too much to bare . If only I had the experience and wisdom that I have now ! I would say " You mean you rode with your parents ? How boring is that ? " " You missed something special . . That cab had massaging heated seats and a place to soak my tired feet . " OK I might not have turned it around quite that much but you get the idea . They would have admired me for withstanding their ridicule much like I admire to this day people who step out in faith and do something special and unusual for God 's glory ! I didn 't even know who sang the song until I looked it up for this story . The song is called " Straight Up " by Paula Abdul but I have renamed it . You see we listen to the oldies station at work where they play hits from the 70 's and 80 's . This was a big hit in the 80 's and those were the years that I knew Doug . When I hear that song , which I do every day , because the station has a very limited selection of songs it plays , I think of Doug . In fact to me it isn 't " Straight Up " it is Doug 's Song ! " Over the years working in my positions at the University I have become acquainted with numerous students . Usually students are hired either through work - study programs or from out of the departments budget . It 's a nice thing for a student to have a job that is close and convenient and they offer helpful hands to do the busy monotonous work that is hard for us to find time for . By far the most memorable student I ever met was Doug . Doug was hired in our Accounts Receivable office to handle the little things like all students were . Doug was different than any student I have met before or since . He was studying Finance which wasn 't that unusual . His dad was the president of a bank which happens . Doug though had such a dynamic personality that he made us laugh every day we saw him ! I always looked forward to Doug coming in because he cracked me up with his crazy fun ideas . For example : he really admired my ability to relate to students and help them understand their accounts . He came up with a name for me " The Doctor of Finance ! " Doug talked about a video he wanted to do sometime . It would have had the big hit of the day " Bad Case Of Loving You " sang by Robert Palmer in the background . That song had the lyrics " Doctor doctor give me the news , I got a bad case of loving you . " Doug pictured me dressed in the whole doctors uniform like I was ready to perform surgery . At the appropriate time between the main lyrics he pictured me having my own part as I danced around singing that I was the doctor of finance . I was to emphasize in my little song how the students could come to me and I would perform the operation that would save them financially ! It was all fun and I played along with Doug about the possibilities of his dream production becoming a reality . One of the ladies that had the position of keeping track of students that were moving into the dorms from the financial side of it had to go on maternity leave . Instead of hiring a temporary person for the position Doug was placed in her spot . In all of my years at the University I have never seen a student doing a full time workers job except in Doug 's case ! Usually Judy who had the position did her job in silence . She talked to the appropriate people in the housing area and got everything straight . With Doug doing the job it was entertainment at it 's best ! I remember he had one person that he couldn 't get placed right . We were billing this person but he couldn 't get it straight which dorm room they were in . He went around and around with it and we could only laugh as the whole episode was so entertaining to him and us too . Finally after going around in circles with everyone it seemed and giving us updates on the details in his excited way he got the person placed right . I can 't even describe the suspense he created through the whole episode , it was priceless ! Eventually Judy came back to her job and Doug returned to being a student worker again . The time that he was doing that job was some of the most suspenseful , funny , and entertaining times I have experienced . His whole outlook on life was so upbeat that he uplifted everyone that he came into contact with ! Every day Doug said or did something that just cracked me up ! He shared everything that was going on in his life and he was so outgoing ! Doug had a magnetic personality and he was a hard worker . His goal was to become a president of a bank like his father . Anyone could see that with his charisma he would eventually reach his goal . He was always trying to look on the funny side of life . To make me laugh one day he told me that he wanted to be a singer for just one song . They were playing that " Straight Up " song on the radio and he told me his part was coming up . They sang the part " Straight up now tell me do you really want to love me forever OH OH OH . " Doug wanted to do that " OH OH OH " part ! OK , so as I would do with Doug sometimes let 's play along with his " dream job . " If Doug somehow miraculously got the job of singing the Oh , Oh , Oh 's his name would appear right on the album along with everyone else who had big parts in the song . He would get royalties from me hearing the song every day ! After all he would have been part of the group right ? So Doug would have been paid each time the song played all of these years for basically doing nothing . I didn 't mention that Doug had kind of a gravelly voice and I don 't think he sang well . Of course that wouldn 't matter because it would be hardly noticed with his limited part . Maybe it is a dream to have a job that you don 't do anything but get paid handsomely . After all most of these high paying jobs require long hours where you can 't enjoy your success . Wouldn 't it be nice to get paid for very little time spent ? I joke sometimes to people when they ask me if I like my job ? I love my job I 'll tell them , but I 'm still looking for that job where they just send the checks to my home without me having to come in ! That joke always gets a laugh as they invariably reply " Well if you find that job let me know ! " I guess that is the lure of the lottery . By only investing a dollar you could become an instant millionaire ! I 'm afraid that this kind of thinking has gotten into our Christian walk . So many times we want to do things the easy way . Maybe by name we want to be a Christian but when it comes to walking the walk we would rather take the easy path . Doug became a vice president for a bank just like we all knew he would . He got there with determination and hard work . He was only joking about his dream job of singing . Many times as Christians we are not joking . We want to be sent the benefits without doing anything . We want to win the war without going to battle . We want to be the hero of the game from the bench . When you can 't tell the Christians from the Non - Christians something is wrong . We no longer are the salt of the earth that Jesus talked about that separates us . That fact alone should cause us to really say OH OH OH , not as a quick way to riches , but to recognize our bad attitude and have God change us ! I didn 't get out for Black Friday this year . In years past I 've found myself mixing with the crowds . Although I was never one to start so early that I 'm waiting in line for the store to open , I would venture out in the early morning of the day . This year the thought of pushing through a crowded mall was not something I desired to do . I 've been reading a little bit about " Black Friday . " The term actually was made up as a bad thing . It seems that the day right after Thanksgiving was a day that more havoc occurred than any other day of the year . There was more traffic , more accidents , and more crime . The police force had to be on high alert that day and increases in the number of officers working was a necessity . In spite of all of this normal havoc , retailers found that it was a very profitable day . Not liking the negative meaning of " Black Friday " , they wanted to make the term a positive one . The " Black " in their mind referred to the fact that on this day they would be very profitable and in the " black ink " , instead of the red . They kept the name and started hyping up the gigantic sales they would have . People naturally wanted the advertised good bargains the stores put out there . Not being one to stand in a line all night I would show up to the store at a normal morning time . Invariably I 'd find a worker to ask if they had any more of the items . Usually the answer was " that was sold out in the first 15 or 20 minutes . " That very fact leads me to believe that even a night spent in the parking lot doesn 't guarantee that you will be able to buy the few big bargains that the store has ! On the surface it seems that people are waiting in those lines to get the big bargains , but I think there is something underneath all of that . I believe that the biggest reason people line up hours before the store opens is to be able to say they were there . I think it gives us a cause bigger than ourselves and we can tell someone in an excited tone " I was in the line with 100 other people at 3 am ! A friend told me a story about relatives that were out waiting for a store to open . It seems that they were in the Best Buy line , which at the time was very crowded . Across the way was a Kohl 's store which at the time wasn 't crowded . Nobody rushed over to the other store even though they probably had just as good values . The fact that the excitement was in the line they were in made them stay in that line . Who wants to tell someone of the great adventure of walking right into a store with no rush as the doors opened ? We would rather tell of the thrill of pushing through a crowded door and racing to the desired item ! For most of us crowds are a love hate relationship . We hate the crowded traffic but may love the crowded restaurant . You may argue that the crowded restaurant isn 't loved either , but I wonder why the restaurant is crowded ? I think that there is a certain comfort zone that we have in going to a place where everyone else is going . The place down the road probably compares favorably in menu items , but where is the thrill of going somewhere nobody else goes ? There is also that inward thought of " it must be good because everyone is going there . " I 'm reminded of a Yogi Berra line when he was asked about a certain restaurant he used to frequent often . " Nobody goes there anymore " , he stated " it 's too crowded . " Everyone when they are young it seems has answered a question from their parents as to why they did something ? " I did it because everyone else was doing it . " Most of the time it seems the invariable question comes back from our parents . " If everyone was jumping off of a bridge would you do that ? " We don 't answer that question but if we did the answer would have to be a resounding " yes ! " A statement was made by a lady when asked why they stand in line for hours before the store opens on " Black Friday ? " " It is a way of bonding with my son " , was her answer . It wasn 't about the special offers the store had going . She explained that they very seldom had quality time together and this was a way to do it . Each year they look forward to that time together . I think it is very important to have that close relationship with our kids , and if that is the only way to get those precious moments go for it ! However , I think that it tells a lot about our society and our fast paced world . When I was young we used to always eat at the kitchen table as a family thing . More often than not today meals are eaten around a TV set and the family bonding is replaced by the latest TV excitement . This year " Black Friday " extended to " Black Thanksgiving day . " Some stores opened on Thanksgiving night to try to get a jump on the " Black Friday " event . Thanksgiving is such a wonderful time of families getting together for a special day ! Now it seems that the retailers are crowding in to disrupt it ! Not only are we tempted to rush to the stores but thousands of people are required to work on a day that should be reserved for family time . How sad that greed interferes with core values ! I understand that retailers try to cash in and make " Black Friday " an exciting experience . In our society we seem to crave that thrill of the moment feeling . I 'll bet that yearly " Black Friday " participants would have a hard time remembering the items they bought on " Black Friday " three or four years ago . Our society is good at promoting us to run after the " thrill of the moment " escapes . We see it in drug abuse , alcohol , and other diversions . We dilute ourselves to believing that acquiring things will make us happy . Somewhere along the line we 've lost our core values and a peace inside of us that is lasting and not store bought . Maybe it is time to get back to the basics of family values and bonding in natural ways . Perhaps we will get a warmth in our heart and a peace of mind ! Only God can give that peace and his door is never too crowded . His peace is far better than finding ourselves before a " Black Friday " store opening in a crowded cold parking lot racing for the newest retail fad they throw our way . It 's a Saturday morning and I 'm out and about with my mind wandering . Have you ever been driving and you get to your destination and you wake yourself up with the question " How did I get here ? " If you are like me , there are times that you are thinking about other things and the car is on auto pilot . Anyway I catch myself between thoughts because as a creature of habit I am mechanically on my way to work instead of the intended store or other destination . I say to myself " hey wait a minute , you don 't work today ! " I always catch myself after a mechanical turn or two , but it 's funny how much we are creatures of habit . Maybe it can be said that we are creatures of routine . If you are like me you wake up at a certain time for work and go through the same routine daily . For me there is an order to when I take my shower , get dressed , eat my breakfast , brush my teeth etc . I 'm not sure if I have a morning routine or if it is my habit to do these things in the same order every day ? One habit or routine I do have is that when I go into the bathroom I turn the light on . There have been times that we have lost electricity and I find myself entering the bathroom and automatically flicking the switch only to find the power is out . I wondered what the difference was in routines and habits so I recently searched the internet and read an interesting article . An example was used of a person trying to lose weight . They changed their routine and ate Cheerios every day because they heard it is healthy and supplies the grain they need . This is called a change of routine as they went from eggs and bacon to Cheerios every morning . Unexpectedly something out of the routine happened . They were invited to a breakfast and they discovered that Cheerios was not an option . The routine was broken and they went back to eating eggs and bacon that morning . They discovered how much they like their eggs and bacon and it became harder to go back to their new Cheerios routine . Now consider changing a habit . A habit is more broad based and long term . In this example they make a habit of having more grain in their diet . Usually the Cheerios fills the bill in the morning , but when the routine unexpectedly changes , they can still pick out something on the menu to fill the grain need ! In their mind they know that they stayed with their plan and carry on their new habit of more grain at breakfast ! Each of us have different mannerisms that make us individually interesting ! Our mannerisms are ways we react to situations . Some people stick their tongue out for instance when they are concentrating . My son and I were watching a baseball game recently and the batter kept stepping out of the box after each pitch to pull and adjust his batting glove . My son wondered aloud why he needed to do this same routine after each pitch ? Or would you say it is a habit or mannerism ? It 's tricky how we react and sometimes it 's hard picking a label . I was watching highlights of an old Dean Martin roast from the 1970 's . Dean would have a special victim and he would have famous guests who knew that person . The guests would all get up and make us laugh as they made light of the victims shortcomings . On this particular episode they were roasting Johnny Carson . Rich Little was a famous impressionist at the time . He had Johnny 's voice down but the thing that made it hilarious was he also had Johnny 's mannerisms down too ! He did what he considered Johnny 's three best jokes . Of course the jokes themselves weren 't very funny , but the mannerisms Johnny has on stage were so realistically duplicated that it had me cracking up ! I 'm still thinking about the routine vs the habit idea and evehttps : / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = uW _ qQfKwbDEn throwing in mannerisms . For some reason they all blend together in my mind . The fact of the matter is that all of them can get so ingrained into us that they become automatic . It 's like when you are driving your car and a deer runs out in front of you . You don 't have to think to hit the brakes , it is automatic . I 've heard it said for so long that the reason it is so good to go on a vacation is that it gets you out of your routine . I have to agree with that . Although we get comfortable with routines we find that we are not living fully and feel almost mechanical . Yes mechanical in that we feel like we need to have a schedule and stick to it ! We feel like we are in a box where we are conditioned to act and react certain ways . If you ever have worked in fast food places you know what it is to get in a routine . The fries and hamburgers are made a certain way and cooked a certain amount of time . All of the hamburgers should look the same . The customer always knows what they are getting . You can go to a McDonald 's in Michigan and it will be the same as one in Alabama , Ohio , or Florida . Nobody ever said that fast food is good for you . The value of fast food is that it is convenient and fast . It fills you up and it is a routine in itself . You might get used to going through the pickup window or ordering from the counter . Either way the employees are trained to get you through the line in a timely fashion ! Years ago I wrote a poem called Fast Food Christianity . The thought at the time that I wrote the poem was that fast food wasn 't good for us ! Similarly getting our spiritual nourishment in a fast food way wasn 't good for us either ! After thinking about routines and habits we all have I 'm thinking a little differently about the meaning of this poem . You see we like our little routines and we like to categorize . There are times that God becomes a routine in our life . We drive the car of life like it is on auto pilot without thinking about others around us . Even things like going to church and praying can become a routine that we do because we are supposed to . The person in the poem realizes that fast food Christianity has satisfied them and they know that it shouldn 't . It 's like eating that hamburger and fries and thinking it is satisfying our nutritional needs . We have turned the power switch ( like my switch in the bathroom ) only to realize that the connection to the power is gone . Only by taking God out of a religious ritual of routine habits and into a loving relationship will we get the power back ! Suddenly with the wind gusting to new heights he went down to one knee . In that moment he seemed so helpless as something completely out of his control had threatened to destroy his dream . It was a dream to walk across the Grand Canyon that Nik Wallenda first had as a teenager . It was an attempted feat that he had dedicated to his great grandfather . Great grandfather Karl Willenda was born in Germany in 1905 to an old circus family and began performing at the age of 6 . He answered an ad in the newspaper while in his teens for a hand balancer with courage . Through the years Karl would show the world just how courageous he was . His employer taught him the trade so well that in1922 , Karl put together his own act with the help of his brother Herman , Joseph Geiger , and Helen Kreis , a teenager who would eventually become his wife . The act proved very successful as it toured Europe doing amazing stunts ! In 1928 John Ringling saw them perform in Cuba and was so impressed that he hired them to be part of his Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus . The act had it 's start in Madison Square Garden . The safety net that they used had been lost in transit , so they performed without one . The crowd gave them a standing ovation for their death defying show . In Akron Ohio the group all fell off of the wire , but nobody got hurt . It seemed to the onlookers that the Willenda 's fell so gracefully that they were given a nickname that would stick " The Flying Willendas " . In the years to follow Karl developed some extraordinary acts such as the seven person chair pyramid in 1947 . Through the years they continued to entertain the world with their daring feats . In 1962 tragedy struck . While attempting the pyramid stunt at the Shrine Circus in Detroit , the front man on the wire lost his balance and the pyramid collapsed . Three men fell to the ground . Killed were Richard Faughnan , Wallenda 's son in law ; and his nephew Dieter schepp . Karl injured his pelvis , and his adopted son Mario was paralyzed from the waist down . Karl Wallenda In spite of these setbacks Karl went on . He continued performing with a smaller group , and doing acts alone . He repeated the pyramid act in 1963 and 1977 . In 1970 Wallenda crossed the Tallulah Gorge in Georgia on a high wire . On March 22 , 1978 Karl Wallenda fell to his death . He was attempting to walk between the towers of the Condado Plaza Hotel , 10 stories up . He was 73 . Karl has several branches of grandchildren still performing regularly today . They have achieved recognition in the Guiness Book of Records . Nik Wallenda completed the walk that Karl didn 't on June 4 , 2011 , with his mother , in honor of Karl . Last year Nik was the first aerialist to walk directly over Niagara Falls , from the United States to Canada . He crossed the river 's widest point wearing a safety harness as was required by ABC television . Last Sunday Nik Wallenda attempted to become the first aerialist to walk directly over the Little Colarado River Gorge . The event was broadcast live on the Discovery Channel . A 2 inch thick wire was suspended 1500 feet above the river . Nik would be attempting the walk without a harness or safety net . The distance was figured to be 1 , 400 feet between the cliffs . When I heard about the event that very day I had no intention of watching . I thought if someone was going to be stupid why should I get involved ? My wife was watching as I went into the computer room to get away . After a few minutes she called out " you really should come and see this . " Reluctantly I came in and the sight and sounds were surprising . They had hooked up a microphone to Nik and as he was walking step by little step he was in a deep conversation with his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ ! Each step of the way he was offering praise and worship . It was like listening in to someone 's deep personal communication with God and it was beautiful ! If you closed your eyes you would have never realized the danger he was in . He was also in contact with his earthly father who was talking to him through an earpiece encouraging him with every step and warning him of dangers ahead . Later I watched a replay of the show that led up to the event . They were showing all of the preparation that went into the engineering that made the walk possible . It involved drilling into rocks and running that cable through them . It involved getting the right weight and thickness for the chord . It involved stretching that chord over the 1 , 400 feet and making sure it was tight and secure . The process was facinating because it set the stage for the main event . Without everything perfectly set up there was no chance that Nik could get across . So there Nik was on one knee asking God to calm the wind . He stayed down for just a little while and suddenly he was back up . He tried to be patient waiting for the tenseness in the line to return . Carrying a balancing rod he kept putting one foot in front of the other in a perfectly straight line as he praised his God ! The camera sometimes shifted to his feet and I could see the precision of his steps . Each step was a feel for the rope and then the foot securely finding it . Of course most of us watching ask ourselves why ? Why would someone risk everything in a stunt as millions watched . It didn 't take long as I first saw and heard him up there to possibly understand . What a testimony he portrayed to millions ! When does someone get a chance to witness to millions at a time ? Psalms 23 states that " Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death , I fear no evil ; for thou art with me ; thy rod and thy staff , they comfort me " . There was no doubt that Wallenda felt comfort in God 's hands in the midst of the danger ! As I was thinking about Wallenda 's walk on the 2 inch wire I was reminded of the words of Jesus in Matthew 7 verses 13 and 14 . " Enter through the narrow gate . For wide is the road and broad is the way that leads to destruction , and many enter through it . But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life , and only a few find it " . In the end aren 't we all in a spiritual sense walking Wallenda 's walk in life ? Aren 't we all on a spiritual tight rope with Jesus representing the bridge between us and the Father and all other ways ending in destruction ? The good news is that the bridge is engineered perfectly sound for us to cross over without fear ! They showed a long range view and Wallenda was three quarters of the way across . I could see his little figure with the background of rocks behind him , slowly advancing . He had taken another knee a ways back and now he was steadily proceeding ! One step in front of the other he was almost home . When he got within twenty feet of the end he took four fast hops . The quick change of pace startled me but here he was safely on the other side greeted by his awaiting family ! Maybe that is how life ends for Christians . Maybe after the toils of life 's burdens we suddenly run to our God and awaiting loved ones as the victorious journey ends ! The first thing that Nik did was walk over and kiss the solid ground he Ernie Harwell , the great longtime Detroit Tiger 's radio announcer didn 't know that when he was asked to pick the three singers for the 1968 World Series at Tiger Stadium , one of his selections would almost cost him his job . Ernie had written some recorded songs in his spare time and General Manager Jim Campbell entrusted him with the search for singers . Jim Campbell was a very conservative don 't rock the boat type of General Manager . One of the performers that Ernie picked was Marvin Gaye and Gaye was specifically told to keep his singing as straight as possible to how everyone else had sang the song . Margaret Whiting was also picked and she did a traditional version . The third person Ernie picked was somewhat by default . He wanted Eddie Arnold to do the anthem before game 5 but Eddie had another engagement and couldn 't make it . Ernie was told by a friend in the record business in Hollywood about Jose Feliciano . " I saw this guy and I think you will really love his rendition ! " Feliciano had a big hit at the time , his rendition of The Doors " Light My Fire . " He was a young Puerto Rican man and he was blind . Feliciano was born in Lares , Puerto Rico , on September 10 , 1945 . He was permanently blind at birth as a result of congenital glaucoma . His family was very poor as his father , a farmer could barely support them . He was exposed to music at a young age and always loved it ! When he was five , his family moved to Spanish Harlem , New York City . He started in music playing the accordion until a family friend gave him a guitar . With that guitar in hand he practiced sometimes as much as 14 hours a day as he listened to 1950 's rock n roll . He developed his own style and at age 17 he quit school to play in clubs with his first professional performance in Detroit . In 1963 he played in clubs around the USA and Canada , most notably at Greenwich Village New York and British Columbia . In 1964 he came out with his first single " Everybody Do The Click " which became the # 2 hit in the Philippines and in 1965 he recorded his first album . Harwell contacted Feliciano and Jose was thrilled to be picked to do the song ! Jose loved America and the wonderful opportunity he had here . He came here a poor boy and was seeing the success and rewards that only in America he could have ! He was determined to put everything he felt for a country that he loved into his song ! He would sing it with soul and feeling because that is how he expressed himself ! The only problem that he had was his schedule . He was playing late the night before but that was OK ! He was so thankful for the opportunity and for what this great country did for him that he took the red eye flight and arrived early that morning ! Ernie met him , his wife , and his seeing eyed dog at the airport and drove them to the stadium . He visited the Tiger clubhouse and sang little songs to the Tiger players . He was playing the Light My Fire song and adding his own Tiger words like " Cmon Kaline light my fire . Gotta take the Tigers higher . " The players loved him and the time passed quickly . Before he knew it game time was near and he was being led out to the outfield with his dog to sing the National Anthem . He strummed his guitar beautifully as he sang the song with feeling and soul , but it was different than what people were used to . Although Jose was just putting himself into the music many fans complained . From coast to coast complaints came in that he was being disrespectful of the flag and the song ! The controversy came directly to Harwell who was asked time and again why he chose Jose . Harwell defended Jose saying that it was a different rendition but it was done with the utmost respect for our country . However we were going through different times that year . We were in a war and people were very sensitive to anything that seemed out of line . Ernie got reprimanded by Campbell but didn 't lose his job . Jose on the other hand went through a down time in his career for a couple of years . He had a hard time getting his records played . Over the years Harwell and Feliciano stayed in touch . Ernie actually introduced Jose to his wife he married in 1982 . They are still together today ! When Ernie revealed that he was suffering from terminal cancer in the Fall of 2009 Jose and his wife Susan sent him a beautiful boquete of flowers ! Ernie in turn wanted to right a wrong that had happened so many years ago . In September of 2009 after Ernie had learned of his terminal illness he had a meeting with owner Mike Ilitch and team president Dave Dombrowski at his house in Troy . Ernie was at peace with himself and the fact that he was secure in where he would spend eternity . The one thing on his mind though was the circumstance years ago . Jose Feliciano should have been appreciated for his rendition of the national anthem instead of the boos he heard . He made a suggestion almost in jest to have Jose Feliciano come back and sing the national anthem again . To the Tigers credit that is exactly what they did . It was just after Ernie 's death and they were paying tribute to him before the game . As a tribute to his lost friend Jose came ! Just as he was excited the first time to sing about a country that he loved , this time he was excited because he was also singing it in memory of a friend he had grown to love . He sang the same song in the same unorthodox way with so much feeling ! It was almost a duplicate copy of his first rendition forty two years earlier , yet this time he got a standing ovation ! What made the difference in the way his 2010 rendition was received ? It was our realization all of these years later of the true intent of a young blind singer so many years ago . He wasn 't disrespecting our country or the flag ! He was giving them his ultimate respect as he put his heart and soul into the song ! Jose Feliciano was blind and yet it was the ones who had their sight in 1968 that had the affliction . Being blinded to the truth is far worse than being physically blind . The standing ovation forty two years later showed that the truth has been embraced and we are not living in darkness anymore . Jose was asked to sing the Anthem before the opening NLCS game in 2012 ! Fireworks exploded as he sang about the bombs bursting in air and jets flew overhead as the song ended to a huge applause ! How things have changed ! |
There once was a peaceful little town that sat at the edge of the sea . The salt air smelled fresh and clean . The sun shone bright and danced on the surface of the water . The sky was bright blue , without a cloud . Flowers bloomed in brilliant colors . It was a happy place . The residents of the small township of Sharetown were friendly and cordial . They smiled as they met in passing . They waved at the folks going past their homes and they spoke kindly to one another . They met together often , sharing stories and spinning their yarns . All lived in harmony in their quiet little town , sharing what they had with one another . One day something strange happened . The sky was still blue , but there were some gray spots that floated against the backdrop , casting shadows on the earth below . The town folk watched to see what this was all about . Soon , there were more spots , and the sky was over taken with gray . There were no longer shadows . The people looked at one another , wondering what this new thing was . Very soon , they knew . A stranger had entered the area . He had a loud , booming voice . He looked like a dragon and his name was EGO . He belched smoke from his mouth , and with every puff of smoke , color was stolen from the town . The town looked as if a big fog had rolled in off the sea . At first the people tried to be friendly to the stranger , but he took the spinning wheels from them and spun yarns of his own . . . . long , bland , colorless threads . They tried to deal with him , but he would not have it . He came in and out of the town whenever he chose to , and when he was there , the people hid on him . They went into their homes and lived their lives , always aware that the dragon was around . They met in each others homes and secret rooms , trying to come up with a plan that would allow harmony and peace to return to their little village . EGO put his nose up to the windows , attempting to see into each life that lived inside . He strutted in the streets , roaring his head off . With every deep breath , he grew larger . With every puff of smoke , another tail would grow . Soon EGO was so big he couldn 't see inside the windows . All he could see was himself . He would primp and prance in front of his reflection thinking he was so impressive . The townspeople made a secret pact . They would lure him with a huge mirror , placed just outside the gates of town . They would convince him that he should take a better look at himself in that mirror . It worked ! Once EGO saw himself in that large looking glass , he huffed and puffed and strutted , and grew even larger ! Soon he was so big that he couldn 't see all of himself in the new mirror ! The townspeople went back inside the gates and bolted them shut ! The knew that EGO had grown so large that he couldn 't fit through the gate , even if it was unlatched . He couldn 't fit inside their town ! EGO was outside ! They could ignore his huffing and puffing ! Then the people realized something else . The air turned clean and clear again . The sky was blue and the sun shone on the sea . The flowers were brilliant colors again ! The people could live in peace and harmony once more ! They danced and sang and had a big party in celebration ! And life in Sharetown , at the edge of the sea , was happy once more . Moral of the story : Sometimes what you think of yourself can give people a bad impression . If you want to fit in with others , make an effort not to take over . Posted by It 's chilly in the sun room this morning . It 's that time of year when the days later and cooler and then warm up to a comfortable temperature . It 's that wonderful season when the air conditioner has been turned off , the doors and windows are flung open for the fresh air to flow freely through the house , and the heat is not turned on yet . I love this time of year . It is the time where we begin preparations for the winter . . . . putting outside furnishings away , cleaning up the gardens , having the heating unit checked and serviced . For me , it 's also a time of removing things from the sun porch , where I work all Spring and Summer on my craft items . Soon it will be time to close the doors that attach this room to the kitchen , for the temperatures in the unheated space get too cold to spend much time there . We do open it again for our winter gatherings with family , but we do that days ahead of time so that it warms with the heat from the house or from the frequent use of the oven . We do have an electric fireplace too , with adjustable temperature control which heats a crowded room enough to be comfortable . I really miss this room , though , in the winter . It is my favorite room in the house . It 's so light and bright and comfortably furnished for sitting , eating , crafting . I could live in this room . Since it is almost a 4 season room , but not quite , I see little reason to add heat to it at this point . The sun room will soon be cleaned well , and closed up , but will be opened again a few days before Christmas for the incoming family . Ahhhh , well , the living will be done in the room intended for such action . . . . the living room ! There are many mysteries in life . I would be the first to say that some of them aren 't worth investigation , nor further commentary . There are other illusive facts which , in order to satisfy a curious mind , must be searched for . Other questions often bring answers of their own , in due time , without doing much more than keeping eyes and ears open . The biggest mystery for me is people . A friend recently wrote her blog regarding the question of whether nature or nurture is responsible for the differences in an adults raised in the same environment , with the same set of parents and with the same set of rules , etc . I 've no answer for that one . I tend to think it 's more a matter of nature at work , than nurturing , but someone else will , undoubtedly , have a different opinion . The debate could go on for eons , and I shan 't take part in that one . People interest me . I care about them , and I find their behaviors fascinating . . . . and frustrating . While I may be curious as to what ' makes them tick ' , I know that I won 't ever know the answer . What I can do is attempt to understand them . It 's not always easy , but if one does not make an effort to show kindness and try to understand , even in a frustrating situation , it will become a time of resentment , anger , and frustration . Who needs that ? Each person ever born has been created just the way we are . . . . as an individual . Some are nothing like us in word , deed , personality , appearance , thinking , behavior . Some behaviors are a short distance in make up from wild dogs , some are a speck away from angelic . I 'm not a doctor , but I am an observer and I believe that behavior can be controlled . If you watch a person who attacks , you can get an idea about them . They don 't know how to temper themselves , their thoughts and tongues when they feel threatened . Yes , they feel threatened by something . Maybe it 's that their statement was debated , maybe they feel their intelligence is under question . Who knows why they choose to attack rather than discuss with an open mind ? They have a point to make , and they 're going to win at all costs . Such people end up losing in the end , because their ship was let float untethered , rather than having been steered by an able hand . They lose their audience , they lose respect , they lose friends . Those who attempt to live in peace with others seem to try to keep themselves free of such situations . Once bitten , one does not return to pet a vicious dog . They keep their eye on them , but don 't jump into the dog fight . Those people are the ones who show the true ' people smarts . ' They know how to steer out of the rough waters , or just ride the waves . They know how to stay strong in their beliefs without spewing it out in annoyance . Angels ! So many types of personalities , so many types of brains at work ! Most all of them make me scratch my head in wonder at what really lies behind their behavior and words . I 'll never know the answers , but still , I watch . . . . and try to understand . Good Heavens ! The Southern Baptists will be a - twitter ! And there we were , sitting on the front porch , takin ' in the fresh , cool , early Fall air , and perusing the contents of a new book of Southern recipes . As we drooled over every page , we discussed dinner menus for the next three and a half years . ( Any of you who know my husband , will understand that without being told . ) Before long , something amazing happened . . . . my native dialect was o ' er taken by a distinctly Southern drawl ! Ah be - gay - n ta speek lahk Palla Deen . . . ow - ah puh - haps it wuz mo - ah lahk Carol Bur - nay - ett de - id own her show whay - en she de - id the " Gow - one With The Wee - ind " skit . At iny junct - - shun , ah wuz a - bow - t ta ha - ave a spell involvin ' the ' vape - ahs . ' In uthuh werds , ah wuz feelin ' a bit puny an ' wundrin ' wut wuz hap - nin ' ta may . Lay - and sykes ! Ah wuz not suh - tin if ' n ah wuz sud - dunlee pa - zay - essed , or wuz ah speekin ' in uthuh tungs ? ! Lordy mercy . . . . the chuch wud have a conniption fo ' sho - ah in ethah kise ! Ah say - id ta mah hus - bund thet ah wuz tuh - nin ' inta a true Suth ' n bay - ell . He jist gave may one - uh them glant - sez sech as he 's prone ta due na - ow ' n a - gay - in . . . ' n thay - in he say - is . . . . . ' You bin con - vuhted ! ' Mah , mah , mah ! ! ! Duz thay - at mean ah 'll be fah - tin ' the Civil Wow - ah agin ' the Yankees ? Ah ain 't no nat ' ral bow - un Suth ' nah . . . . . ' n ah ain 't fixin 't ' faht with no - buddy ! Heck fahr ! Ah don 't cotton t ' fah - tin ' a ' tall . It ain 't in mah puh - son - al - it - tay ! Ah s ' pose if ' n ah had ' ta pick a sahd , ah 'd have ta chewz mah nat ' ral bow - un side , which ( whisperin . . . ) was a Union folk . But , thay - en , wuld ah have ta way - uh a Union Suit ? ? Ah mah - t have ta pay - ass on awl the - is heah wow - ah . Me ' n a union suit jist wuld - int git on way - ell , ah don 't reckon . On t ' uthah hay - end , if ' n ah was t ' con - tinya t ' talk this - a - why , they 's go - own t ' be sum folks who 's go - own t ' git t ' thankin ' ah 'm plumb crazy owe - uh that ah 'm a - makin ' a jowk - a they - um . Nee - thuh one wuld be the ach - u - wal truth . It 's jist a sitchy - a - tion thet I don 't have iny control ovah , don ' tcha know ? Ah reckon it 'd be saw - ta hahd t ' convince thay - um ov thay - et , how - evuh . So , if ' n the next tah - me y ' all lay yo ' ahz upon may , puh - layz say wut y ' all kin do ' bowt gittin ' the tah ' n feth - uhs from off ' n mah pow - uh say - elf . Ah 'd be mah - tee oblah - ged if ' n ya wuld do thay - et fo ' may . In the mean - wahle . . . . ya culd pry real hahd fo ' this heah ' tungs ' sitchy - a - chun I dun fahn m ' sef in . Wud ya ? It 's interesting how life moves along on a fairly even pace , and then POW ! Everything changes fast . In recent weeks I 've been effected , not by my own stresses , but things that are happening in the lives of others I have contacts with . People tend to deal with stress anyway they can . For me , after years and years of trying to ' fix ' everything myself , I 've learned to pray about it . I 've learned to pray about everything . It 's the only way I 've found that keeps my spirit at peace . I 've been called a zealot , and a host of other names because of my faith that God can handle all things better than I can . Who cares ? Not me . . . . it 's MY life and MY way of living it . I see others struggling , sagging under the weight of their situations . I see them saying they want to give up , ' what 's the use . ' I see them saying that they want God to come and take them to Heaven because this life is too much for them . I see others crying or taking medicines in order to handle whatever the stress is at the moment . It makes me sad to see these that I care about in such dire straights . I would love to jump in and take it over for the . I 'd love to use every word I know that could soothe them . I 'd like to dismantle the problems or the people causing them , but it 's not within my capabilities . My heart goes out to these whose presentations from life cause them such anguish . Since I can 't do much to help except to listen , to offer a soft word or two , I lift them up to the God who has helped me so often . I know what He can do , I 've seen miracles happen . He 's just waiting to be asked . And so . . . . Reader , whoever you are . . . . though I may not know you personally , I know that you have times of stress and anxiety . We all do , because we 're human . Know this . Today , I will lift you , un - named before my Lord , and will ask on your behalf that your burdens will be lighter , your fears dissolved . I will pray that you will be reminded that you cannot do it all alone , and that there is someone who can and will change things for you , if you will ask . Be blessed , dear friends , with peace and comfort today . You 've got a friend on earth , and a greater one in Heaven . Talk with Him . Louder , more bold , overbearing , he speaks . She tries to explain . . . . he shouts above her in condescending tones , insinuating that she is a dim wit . She endures , but does not believe his words . She is convinced of her worth , not to him , but of her own worth in the world she lives in . She will not argue with a fool , for she knows that she wins by walking away . Let him believe as he will , as there is no changing his mind . She knows that . She is on her way to better places , it 's only a matter of time before she will see him no more . He will not know where she goes , she is sure of that , for he has no idea of her plan or the people who protect her now and will do so in the future . He has no idea of the way they laugh at his behavior , of the names they speak to her in private , but not in public , places . His social skills are lacking severely , he 's always been a loner , and is now , as well . He 's unaware that he exhibits unacceptable behavior . He has been approached about it , but as brilliant as he thinks he is , he does not comprehend that his modus operandi will not be tolerated . He is , in his mind , superior to all others , and he has no reason to listen to voices other than his own . He 's unteachable . She knows , she understands his problems , and she 's finished with him and his degradation , his pompous arrogance , his bombastic , inflated ego . She knows who she is and what he is , and she 's leaving it all behind her . That 's what happens to people like him . It doesn 't always happen that way for people like her . Some are ruined because of the belief in his words . Some are caught in the cage of lies . Some don 't have protection , or a place to go . She does , and as she walks away , she remembers the words of one who once said , " It is a small man , indeed , who must degrade another in order to appear great , if only in his own eyes . " She has won her war and walks away without so much as a battle scar . My heart is heavy today , for a few reasons . I 've seen on Facebook that some who are connected with me in reality and some who are known only by Facebook interaction are suffering . Some are truly troubled , others are irritated by things in their lives . I 've given them some prayer time , and much thought . I know that these things will pass , and most will come out of these troubles having learned something from them , and with growth because of them . As for me , I have an irritation . There is an association with one who seeks , unfailingly , to attack me in some form or fashion , regardless of what I say . This one is a disagreeable person , even when I attempt to avoid conflict , it comes directly at me . I 've tried to ignore it , I 've tried to rationalize it , I 've tried to be understanding . I 'm not one who cares much for dissention . Apparently , I rub this one the wrong way . I cannot avoid this one , as we are members of the same group and often have interaction with the other mutual friends . Overall , I have a very pleasant experience and have had with my fellow Facebookers . This one , though , is my thorn in the flesh . I 'll get through this without further incident . . . . . I hope . It 'll be a mind game on my part , not to in any way acknowledge the presence of one who seems to want an all out war of words with me . Right now my head is telling me to do just this , when inside I 'm feeling annoyed that I can 't type a thing without some negative reaction from that one . It 's Autumn . . . . . at least the calendar tells us that it is . The weather here in upstate SC has other plans , however . It 's predicted to be 87 degrees before the day is done . I think that 's too warm to call it Autumn here , and Mother Nature thinks so too , I guess . There 's not a sign of colored leaves yet . My mind quickly flashes to my home town , where Fall is beginning . The end of the tourist season has come , and the natives are rejoicing over that and the cooler weather . I allow myself to drift into thoughts of the place . The ocean beaches are deserted at this early time of day while I write . But for a million footprints in the sand from former visitors there , you 'd think no one ever came to view the sea . Those of us who are drawn there , know that what we see at this hour hides the truth . Before the sun has even awakened , the surf casters will be on the beach in their waders , readying their gear for a catch . The sea birds will dive and soar at the first glint of the sun , competing with the human fishers for a harvest from the ocean . Photographers with their digital cameras , lenses and paraphernalia will also arrive to catch the early light . Some who must make a daily trek along the shore will come too , in order to get their exercise . . . . or to calm a spirit . Others will arrive in their cars soon , to sit and stare at the ever - changing sea . Still others seem to think it is their duty to go every morning , to be sure that no one has pulled the plug and let the ocean drain away . Today , as I do on many other days , I remember the way the ocean claps as it hits the sand , spraying foam high in the salted air . I listen to the rhythms of the waves that sound deep within my soul . I am far from my native home , but it is not far from me . I smell it . I hear it . I see it . It is deeply embedded in me , as if the salt water runs through my veins . Because I cannot visit today , I visit my memories . The sands are carried by the sea . . . . and the sands of time have carried me to a different place in the world . A place where pine trees grow tall and the heat of day arrives later and the sun sets over mountains . Still , as the sands of the beach drift in the Autumn winds , covering the footprints of those who were there , and though I have drifted to an inland home , my own being there on that beautiful island can never be erased . It is all a part of who I am , and will always be so . Suffice it to say , I 'm not thrilled with certain types of creatures . Yeah , yeah . . . . I know . . . . " All creatures , great and small . . . . the Lord God made them ALL . " All that is GOOD , but I don 't know if He had it in mind for us to like everything He made . I do appreciate His creativity and diversity of His wonderful handiwork , however . . . . I 'm not a fan of some of His art . I liken it to my non - understanding of abstract art or rap ' music ' . I just don 't care for it , mostly . In this case , I don 't understand the need for flies . They are pesky little creatures who land without a thought on things like piles of dung , and directly go from there to a plate of food , with no consideration whatsoever for the one who was about to devour that food . I also don 't see why God chose to make mosquitos . Now , what earthly good can there be in an insect that buzzes in your ear and gnaws on your skin , causing it to erupt in an itchy , red bump . . . . . or worse yet , that may cause you a deathly illness ? ! Then there are fire ants . They are not your common picnic invader , they are tiny red versions with huge , invisible teeth that clench the nearest skin clad human body part with a vengence , leaving a burning , incredibly itchy area that lives on for days . What 's the point , I wonder ? I 'm also not thrilled with spiders of any sort . I attempt to avoid those at all costs . There are certain ones of those who seem to be prone to penetrating the epidermis as well . Best to leave all of them to themselves . There are other insects that jump , fly or land , sting , bite or annoy . Thankfully , a fly swatter is a good weapon for most , but it does little about gnats or no - see - ums that seem to like to swim in whatever beverage I 've just poured for myself . Ok . . . you have a point if you 've said that most of the above have been created as a food source for some other of God 's creation . I get that , but why must this food source be so annoying to humans ? Insects was not even a thought when I began to write this peice . I had something else in mind . . . . reptiles . I 'm not going to even enter the word for long , squiggly , cold - blooded things . Those , and even the thought of them , make my skin crawl . But , here in the southeast , we have some other critters of reptilian descent . . . . lizards . They don 't usually bother me , except to scare me out of my flip flops when one streams silently past on the front porch . Right now , though , I 'm extremely bothered by the fact that a 6 - 7 " blue one has made it 's way into my sunroom , and I can 't find it . I saw it . . . . well , it 's tail . . . . as I entered the room yesterday afternoon . He 's lucky he made it past me before my foot landed on him . I 'm lucky too , because I think I 'd have passed out . So , until my Hero can catch this danged thing , I must share my favorite room with him . I 'm not happy about it at all , but if there 's any good that can come of it , maybe he will catch the gnats or other little insects that fly in whenever someone opens the door to the outside . Or . . . . maybe he 's lying in wait somewhere so that when my husband exits to enjoy his coffee on the back steps , old Blue will dart for the open door ! I 'll bet he 's no happier inside than I am to have him . Apparently somebody thought my life wasn 't exciting enough . To remedy that , a certain occurrence took place as I cooked my dinner last evening . The frying pan caught fire , shooting flames nearly as high as the bottom of the microwave which is located above the stove top . For that reason , it was impossible for me to smother the flames with the lid of the pan without getting burned . Not wanting to end up in the Atlanta Burn Center , I grabbed the phone and dialed my Mom 's house , where Mike had just gone to deliver some peaches and let him know that there was a pan on fire . He raced across the street to our house with the speed of a champion sprinter . He quickly extinguished the fire by placing the lid over the now - shorter dancing flames , as the smoke alarms were screaming all over the house , and the smoke was filling every room . We opened all the windows and turned on the ceiling fans and exhaust fans in the bathrooms and kitchen . Before long , the smoke was out and by bedtime we were able to close the windows again . However , this morning , when I got up , there was the distinct smell of an over - done steak and burned fried onions . Maybe Fabreze will use my story for their next advertisement . The whole incident should be turned to something worthwhile . In the meantime , while I wait for the royalties to roll in , let me encourage every young woman to marry a fireman . Let me remind every cook that surprises can happen , and that even though ' a watched pot never boils ' , a watched frying pan can catch fire . Let me tell you that smoke alarms are very annoying when they randomly go off without cause ( or when batteries need replacement ) but they are extremely important to have in working order . Do not slack off on this list bit of advice . Do you remember the days of your youth when people would ask you what you wanted to be when you grew up ? I do . . . . and I remember what I said , too . I met those goals , and left some of them behind . I 've often thought of what my answer to the question would be if posed to me now . . . now that I 've seen and become aware of so many more options . I haven 't settled on that answer yet . I do know , however , what I won 't be . I won 't be several things . I will never be a college student working toward a specific degree , because I 've never liked school . Please don 't misunderstand . I do enjoy learning , but at my own pace , and in ways other than sitting in class rooms or lectures with boring instructors . I 'm not an avid reader , unlike so many of my friends are . I enjoy reading , but only things that interest me , not long books . I will never be a mathmatician , bookkeeper , tax preparer , accountant , or anyone else who works with numbers . We have never been compatible . . . numbers and I , I mean . I will never be a race car driver . I abhor speed demon driving , or riding , for that matter . I 'm not a terrific passenger , because I 'm always jamming my foot on the imaginary brake , or grabbing the bar above the passenger door when driver is flying down the curvy back roads or on the horrendous interstate highways . But , unless I want to stay at home , doing nothing . . . . which I do not , I must endure those harrowing experiences of speed unleashed . I will never be a window washer or leap from tall buildings with a single bound . I will never climb mountains on foot paths , or rock walls inside buildings or outside of them either . I don 't like heights at all . I get dizzy . I won 't be a miner or one who explores the beautiful under world of stalactites and stalagmites . I 'm a bit claustrophobic . I 'll never be a world traveler , though I would consider that should by bank account allow it . I 'll never be a clown or a comedienne , although I think it would be fun to be one , I 'm not that funny . Besides , clowns often scare people , especially little kids , and that would not be fun . No , I 'll never be any of the above . . . . or a myriad of other things . But , do you know what ? I 'm not the least bit upset over what I 'll never be . I know who and what I am . . . . a very happy wife , a loved daughter , an available mother and a loving Grandmother . I 'm completely content being ME . . . whoever that is at the moment , and I wouldn 't change a thing ! My grandfather had a close relationship with my grandmother 's family , and even though she 'd been gone for years , he 'd often go across the bay on the ferry to visit them on Shelter Island . Sometimes he 'd take me too . That day my friend , Sandy , came along with us . Grampa surprised us by bringing a picnic along for us . . . he made the BEST tuna salad sandwiches , and he brought a whole loaf of them . Sandy ate as many as she could pack into her tummy that day ! We had our day - long visit with my great Aunts and Uncles , and some cousins and their kids . We played on the tire swing that hung from a huge old tree in the front yard , near the stand where Uncle Bill sold bouquets of bright gladiolas that he grew in the field behind the barn . We explored the large yard , and we danced around in the kitchen with old Uncle Charl swinging us around and around ' til he lost his balance and bumped into a big kettle on the stove , dumping all of Aunt Ardis ' canned pickles to the floor . She chastised him with a stern , ' Now Charl ! look what you 've done ! " And she shooed us out with him behind us . We decided to find something less rambunctious to do , and we went into the right hand barn building to make music on the old player piano . It was dreadfully out of tune , but it didn 't matter to us . After a big supper at the big dining room table , with all the family gathered together , the old folks went to the front room and visited some more . Before long , it was time for Grampa to load us up and head for home . Sandy and I piled into the front seat , with me in the middle . We crossed the water on the small car ferry , arriving on the North Haven side in 10 minutes . We started up the hill toward Sag Harbor and that 's when we ran into the fog . Grandpa wasn 't a speedy driver , by any means , but he slowed down even further to meander through the veil of damp air as the sun began to set . We made our way along Rt 114 , through Sag Harbor , and pointed toward East Hampton . It was ' scary ' foggy . . . . at least to me . Grampa pressed his foot a little harder on the gas pedal , and then let it up . In a few minutes , Sandy and I were giggling at the forward and backward ' see saw ' our bodies did with every push and let up of that gas pedal . I 'll bet Sandy remembers that day , that tuna , and that foggy ride home , even now , some 55 years later ! Posted by There are times when you think you know a person really well , and suddenly they present you with something new . . . . something you had no idea about . SURPRISE ! ! ! You didn 't know so much as you thought you did . All this can mean is that you can learn something new every day , if you pay attention . That 's not a bad thing , is it ? Lessons follow lessons , and hopefully they make some impact on you that you can add to your file called ' wisdom ' . These lessons are given to us that we might learn from them , and I enjoy learning them , though they aren 't always the most pleasant events that bring those lessons about . Hearing the new things from an old friend gives pause . It brings curiosity too . . . ' what else do I not know ' ? Now that sort of thing doesn 't make a lot sense to me , because I have long ago accepted this person as they were , so what else I don 't know will only be a learning experience in the future , should I continue to accept this person as he / she is . That 's pretty much my nature , so I 'm quite certain that we 'll remain buddies in the years to come , unless I 'm presented with something dangerous or criminal . These thoughts just flow right now . . . . they don 't need to be pondered . I 'm one who likes surprises . . . and lessons too , so I 'll be accepting of them . I think the only thing I can say to sum all this up is this : You just never know EVERYTHING , nor do you need to . Keep what is needful , shun the rest of it . Life , for all of us , seems to bring its ups and downs . The ' ups ' don 't come to us in the same ways , nor do the ' downs ' . . . and most of us will respond to them in the same ways . The pleasant occurances bring feelings of happiness and sometimes pride . The less than joyous days bring us emotions of sadness or heavy hearts . We 've all been there , so you know what I mean . Recently one of my daughters had a major surgery . I was ' itching ' to go back to Long Island to nurse her back to health . Because our kids either share homes with someone , or the one that they live in is already too small for its residents comfort , there is always the issue of where to stay when we go back home . Knowing that fact , and that she had a good support group of friends and family members there to care for her , my daughter insisted that we stay here , and come later in the Fall when she 'd feel better . It was one of those events that caused me to feel that heaviness that comes from wanting to make sure your child is safely cared for while recuperating , and knowing you can 't ' fix ' it . What do you do in such a case ? You deal with it the best way you can . I 've always been one to ' look it in the eye ' and deal with it , not try to run from it , or wallow in it either . You can suffer through , or you can do what I did , and just say , ' I can 't be there . It IS what it IS " , and I just went about my day right here . . . . 900 miles from my daughter . That is NOT to say that the wanting to be there stopped ! Oh no ! It kept cropping up . . . . it nagged me . It woke me up at night , at which times I spent praying for my daughter and her care givers . The ' uppers ' are easy to deal with . You just share the joy with others , or you just ' float around ' in you own little bubble of happiness . I always savor those happy times and am grateful for them . Emotions are such delicate things , and they are sometimes difficult to manage . They are fickle , coming and going as they choose . I guess the solution is to just take hold of them and wrangle with the things until you can manage them , rather than letting them rule you . It 's all about a balance , I think . Sometimes I think I really AM a control freak . . . . . but in this case , that 's not such a bad thing , is it ? It 's been a busy time . We 've gotten Mom through a winter of ups and downs and a gazillion doctors . We 've gotten Mike through the flu ( or so we thought ) followed by a Feb . return of the flu ( or so we thought ) and then a late March gall bladder surgery . That was followed by a carpal tunnel surgery on the left hand , and a skin cancer surgery ( they got it all . . . no expected return ! ! ) on his right ear . Next will be a surgery on his right hand to release a ' trigger finger ' . Between meeting nearly every doctor in the county , and some very unusual onslaughts of too much rain , we managed to get a small vegetable garden planted . So far , it 's been quite a disappointment this year . I think the excess water has done its damage on our cucumbers and tomatoes , though the latter are producing . The corn isn 't quite ripe for picking yet . . . but will be soon . I hope the water has done that a favor ! ! We had guests from NY in March . That 's always fun and we totally enjoyed their visit . This past week , our former next door neighbors and our best friends , returned to SC for a visit with us for a few days , and the rest of the time with their daughter 's family . We stayed up way too late , ate way too much , talked soooo much and enjoyed their being here to the hilt ! I felt a let down as I watched them drive away . It 'll be another year before we see them again , when they return for their grandson 's graduation from high school . I already can 't wait ! I spent a good amount of time and a little money shopping for some nautical themed things to put into the house . It 's been so long since I 've been to the beach . . . and I miss our hometown beaches like fury . . . . so I decided that it was time to move the beach into our house . I put a light colored room sized rug on the floor in the living room , shed the dark couch cover to expose the chambray blue denim upholstery , hung semi - sheer sand colored curtains with 3 glass ball net buoys hung in the center of them . I began adding those reclaimed wood signs I painted with the names of back - home beaches . I dragged out the apothacary jar of beach glass I 'd collected throughout my lifetime , framed some photos of the beaches and harbor - full of boats , placed grandkids photos at the beach , in an old window frame . I placed a huge glass net buoy on the table with a small , old wood box full of sea shells & beach glass , a couple of star fish and a few small bits of driftwood . Some colored glass bottles were placed on the mantle of the fireplace , a large wood fish shaped serving board was painted and hung over the mantle . A fish net was hung by small anchors over the guest room mirror , and a small row boat shelf was added . A carved sandpiper stands on one side of the pedestal sink , and a blue dish of soaps shaped like a flip flow and shells sits on the other side of the faucets . Whew ! I 'm exhausted just writing all of that ! Now I 'm enjoying the peace and the sun shining into the sun room , with a cd of ocean waves crashing through the air . The ceiling fans offer my version of sea breeze . . . without the salt . I am relaxing . . . . . and thinking of our vacation which is coming up , not soon enough . I think of the poem . . . . " I must go down to the sea again . . . . " Recently I saw a photo of an elderly woman standing on a Hopscotch drawing . She appeared to be playing the childhood game , but I 'm not sure her old bones would allow the hopping that such a game entails . It sparked a few memories of my own , of games and activities I took part in as a youngster . Some I could do today , if I tried , some I 'm sure that I could not attempt ! Hopscotch was a game the girls in our neighborhood played . We 'd draw the connected boxes on the asphalt with chalk , numbering each box . Sometimes the form was 2 boxes , with the next row being 1 box , the next 2 , and so on . We 'd each have a ' potsy ' . . . . a stone or some other flat item , maybe a hair clip or barrett that we 'd throw into the 1st box , then hop with one foot to the box next to it , in order to pick up the potsy , and then hop back . If your foot hit the line between any of the boxes , you were ' out ' . The game went on like that until you went all the way to the end and back without getting called out . We did the same type of thing with a huge drawing of a ' snail ' with numbered boxes . Chinese jump rope or even regular jump rope is out of the question these days ! So is the pogo stick , and I dare say that stilts would not work well for me , since I have enough trouble manuvering with my feet flat on the terra firma ! Bad hips and backs do not a pogo stick champion make ! I 'm sure there are several other games of youth that would best be left to the younger set . Let 's see , anything requiring running , jumping , skipping , hopping , dodging , wheels or skate blades beneath the soles of feet . . . . . and perhaps anything relating to a ball ! But , I CAN still work a mean hula hoop , so long as the thing has been constructed with the correct weights inside . I can do pretty good chalk drawings , I can also build some pretty neat little rail fences and log houses from sticks . . . just the way pioneers used to build real homes . ( Well , maybe not quite as well , but they 'll serve the purpose for grandchildren with little people and animals to house . ) I can still make some fun pictures for coloring or water coloring , and some fancy paper dolls . . . or some pretty nice doll clothes . Today 's calendar date is April 17 . Finally , Spring has arrived this week , and she doesn 't seem as if she 'll be going anywhere very soon . Thankfully ! It seemed like such a long winter this year . I don 't know if it was colder than usual , or if the cold lasted longer than normal , but it felt to me as if it was never going to end . Even when the flowers began to show some sign of waking up , nights were still dropping below the freezing mark , and frost lay on the brown grass in the mornings . During the day , the warmer sun would fool us into thinking that Spring had come , but it wasn 't so . Today , though , the leaves have all dressed the trees and blossoms are colorful and other plants await their turn to bloom as they climb from the cool , damp earth and reach up for the sunshine . The temperatures should reach 84 today , the weather man says . How refreshing ! I remember in June , 1996 , our wedding day was the warmest day of the entire summer there on Long Island , NY . It was warm , too . . . 88 deg . So , today will be a wonderful day for me ! I read on a friend 's Facebook status this morning that they are awaiting yet another snowfall where she lives in Minnesota . I 'm grateful that we 've crossed the line , and Spring has come to our house ! I hope that you have a bright and wonderful day , wherever you live , and that your long winter has also come to an end . Enjoy ! Posted by That gives me pause for thought . Honestly , I don 't know if I can come up with an answer . I 've never been put into such a situation , but I will say this . I hate the issue of pedophilia . It 's not just an ' issue ' , it 's a dispicable act of sin . That being said , all sin is rather dispicable . . . . and since all people are subject to some sort of act that displeases God ( sin ) , it is up to Him to judge that sin or that person 's behavior . It is not up to me . I suppose the entire question about my attending the viewing or funeral would depend a lot on how well I know that particular person . I 'm not especially fond of funerals , in general , and am most likely not to attend for the sake of attending , unless I 'm very familiar with the person or their family . Family members of the dear departed one are comforted , somewhat , in knowing that they have the support of their friends as they grieve their loss . I know that is true for me . So , I guess my answer to the question would be , " The alleged crime would not keep me from attending his services , should I be very close to the family . Otherwise , I wouldn 't be there anyway . " Hmmm . . . I wonder if my friend would be satisfied with my answer ? I 'm sure it 's all a matter of personal preference , and this would be mine . I hope I never have to be in the position to find out what I 'd do in such a situation . It is said that you can ' never go home again . ' It is true , I think . When you try to do so , you 'll find that things are changed , never quite the same as they were . This morning I read a friend 's blog from earlier this month . He spoke of his childhood home , and the realization that he hasn 't a single photo of that place . The house remains , as far as he knows , on the same property he played on as a child , but only his memories remain of the interior of the home itself . I felt a sadness in reading that entry . I think it 's because it hit ' so close to home ' for me . My childhood home was demolished , in its relative ' youth ' . It was built in 1959 and added on to in the 1960 's . It met its demise in the late 1990 's , after being sold out of our family . Another house was built on the original , but expanded foundation . It looked nothing like the house with the four small bedrooms and two baths that I spent my teen years growing up in . I was able to walk through when construction was being completed . It had an open floor - plan , a fireplace , fewer and larger bedrooms . As pretty as that new house was , it was not ' home ' anymore . I felt as if I 'd lost a loved one . I knew that same sadness when my grandmother 's house was sold out of the family , but that still stands , and without too many changes to its old body . Yes , it has been renovated slightly and repairs have been made , but there isn 't too much to complain about . . . except the yard . Grandpa 's old shop was taken down . The old and beautiful lilac bushes were taken out , as were the other flowering plants . Rows of large , colorful bearded iris were removed too . And now , tall hedges hide the house from the street . Otherwise , the house is much the same . My own home , which was where my children were reared , was sold when we moved south . I understand that nothing much was changed there , but that everything was painted white inside the house . The yard looked nearly the same when I was visiting my hometown 3 years ago , but I did see that the picket fence and some plants were gone from what was a large rose and lily garden on the side of the house . The large blue spruce trees that offered privacy were trimmed from the ground up , leaving a heavy topped tree , which I fear will cause the trees to break in strong winds or storm . There is little one can do about these changes that come to our beloved homes . They belong to someone else now , and whatever it is that they do to make it ' theirs ' is beyond our control . Still , we visit these places in our minds and memories . We walk across the wood floors . knowing just where they will creak . We wander in and out of rooms and see the wallpapers , and smell the offerings from the kitchen stove . We know every nook and cranny . With or without the photos to remind us , we know what we know about our former homes . I think it best not to mingle the present with the past by physically visiting those buildings that housed us for so long . It causes us unrest and discomfort , because . . . you really can never go home again . Here we are . . . marching on . We 've made it through the winter months , and now have thoughts of Spring , with real hope in our hearts . As I type this , the daffodils are blooming , the tulips greens are up a good way out of the ground , the red bud trees are in blossom . We 're looking forward to warmer weather and colorful gardens . But for a moment , for this blog entry at least , I 'll look back and fill you in on the events of the winter months . It 's been somewhat of a challenge this year . The month of November found me in some ridiculous disagreement with a family member , which I hated , but due to us both being made of stubborness and strong opinions , we were at an impossible impass . I was informed in no uncertain terms that the other person would not be attending the holiday meals here at our house as is normally the case . I was hurt , but no matter what I said or did , things didn 't change for the better , so I gave up and moved on . Shortly after , my mother began to show some strange symptoms of numbness . Knowing that they could be associated with strokes or TIAs , I took her to the emergency room at one of our hospitals . It was flu season and the waiting rooms were backed up for hours with patients wearing masks , or not , slumped in chairs with expressions of misery on their faces . The first visit was an 11 hour wait until they determined from the CT scan that there was no stroke , no blockage , no TIA . No diagnosis at all . Three days later , we were back in the emergency room for a 6 hour stay . Again , they told us that because the numbness was in face and hand , they would think it was a TIA , but because it was only seconds long , and they could find nothing on tests , she should take a baby aspirin and go back home , following up with her family doctor . Thus began an onslaught of blood tests , echo cardiogram , heart monitor , MRI , and anything else they could think of to find or rule out a condition . So far , we still don 't have a diagnosis . However , one blood test showed very low levels of B12 vitamin , so Mom was put on a daily supplement . Within a week or so , Mom was sleeping better , her mood was cheerful again , she 'd lost the confusion I 'd noticed in weeks before , and her color had returned . Apparently , she had been anemic , which had caused the gray complexion , the irrational attitudes and moods that were normally so unlike her . She was , in her words , ' worn out ' but she couldn 't sleep well . I had noticed the symptoms and knew ' something ' was wrong , but hadn 't put things together until the B12 was added . At that point , I googled ' B12 deficiency ' and read several reports of symptoms . BINGO ! I think I found the problem , and yet , when I asked the doctor if he thought that could have been the cause of it all , his answer was that he thought it was ' stress . ' Siiiiiigh . Mom is very strong , but for arthritic knees . Her heart is , apparently , strong and her blood chemicals are good . She 's fairly easy - going , normally , lives a quiet . . . almost lonely . . . . life . There is little to stress her out , but I do think that she was worrying about what was happening to her body and why no one had answers for her . Even the neurologist couldn 't find anything wrong , except some imbalance in her gait , due to the knees . The very last thing was just the other day , when there was a stress test done with another echocardiogram . A good strong , healthy looking heart beats in that chest . So , we 've wound up the winter with no diagnosis , and Mom marches on toward the middle of this month when she will celebrate another year of life . I am so grateful for her and her presence with us . It is a real blessing to know that she is healthy , even if we have to visit every doctor in the area to find that out ! Posted by Yes , it is the middle of January already ! I can 't believe it . It seems that we get less done since we 've been retired than we did when we were both slaving away at our jobs . What 's wrong with this picture ? Our Christmas trees are still up , as are most of the other decorations , but that 's not unusual since we both like Christmas . I 'm kind of thinking it 's time to go , though . I was not particularly ' involved ' in my favorite holiday this year for a dozen reasons . Mom had some sort of medical things that required a lot of doctors , tests and two trips to the ER . That took much time , not the least of which were the 17 hours total spent in those two ER visits . And , guess what ? To date , we still have no reason for her symptoms , which have seemed to have disappeared ! Time really can get frittered away . . . . or it just flies off into some spot where you can never retrieve it . There is much to do at all times , so why does so little get accomplished around here from week to week ? ( Truth is , too much computer time , reading blogs , exploring decorating , real estate , and craft websites , editing pictures , Facebook ! ) So , here we are , nearly two weeks into the new year . I could have made a resolution to accomplish at least ONE thing per day , but as things go , I 'd have probably broken that resolution . I guess I 'll just have to see if I can lighten the load , cross things off the list that aren 't that important , and focus on what is primary . Having said that , I 've just re - started the Circle Letter and added a new pen pal to my to - do list . These are fun things for me . . . making new friends and keeping in touch with them and family . Now I know , having written this entry , what the real truth is . There is a lack of time management and self - discipline in this house . Living in denial has gone on for too long , so now I must focus on reality and sign off to get something accomplished ! |
We have an electric blue Ford Ranger truck with a thin purple stripe . It has been sitting in our driveway for the entire winter and we finally got her out and put new tires on her . I learned how to drive stick in this truck with my Aunt and Uncle ( both enormously tall humans ) crammed into the passenger side . It is ridiculously out of shape ; it leans to one side , the windshield is broken , the wipers don 't work , the seats move about and one of the tail lights is busted . But it gets us from a to b . And forget about riding in it with mom , good lord . She used to drive while talking on the phone and you would flung about like nobodies business . It 's always an adventure in this truck but I love it . It used to be my uncles and he would take me to Timberwolves games and I would bounce around in this little truck in downtown Minneapplesauce . It was great fun . I am easily amused . I laugh a lot and frequently and at really stupid things . I also love really dry humor that nobody thinks is funny which makes me laugh even more because it makes me nervous that I am the only one laughing . And I have a loud laugh and its very distinguishable and I love it . At work we have been joking that I was only hired to laugh at my office mate ; which I do often because she is really silly , I am really silly and so is everyone else so its great fun . But think about . . . I would be great in awkward situations or at company parties . I could be hired just to laugh at the boss when he tells his dirty jokes that he only thinks are funny and it wouldn 't even matter who I was . I would have an alias all ready : " I am Blah blah blah 's sister from accounts , or I just started yesterday in the mail room or I work twice a week to fill in for that lady on the third floor that is three weeks past her due date but still insists on coming in even though she can only wear her husbands shoes because they are the only ones that will fit her swollen feet . " Seriously , this is going to be my new side job to pay off my student loans . Well and to be able to buy Free People 's spring collection . And maybe a cd or two . WAIT . . . and an actual adult bed complete with headboard and frame . When you were little you probably thought your dad was the boss , right ? I mean I knew the boss at my dad 's work but I still knew he wasn 't the lowest on the pay scale ( or in a child 's term : the cool guy at work ) . But I really did think my dad was the " cool guy " . Now I temporarily work at this said work with my dad . My office mate Annie and were discussing this earlier and I truly believe that he is the cool guy and all of his co - workers that work closely with him are " the cool kids " too . They are also the silliest bunch of people probably ever and I think people come down to the bat cave ( windowless area ) just to get a little laugh ( and some candy because my dad always has a large stash ) . Okay so maybe that is not the only reason they come down but still . My mother made this for me for dinner and there it was just hanging out on the dining room table , mother nowhere to be found . I took a bite and was in love , but it needed to be warmed up a bit . So I obsessed ( to myself ) about how fucking wonderful that little piece of meat was . I waited patiently until the ' beep beep beeeep ' went off and just ate it standing up . I got half way through and thought " maybe I should sit down , have some water and enjoy this " so of course I kept eating it as I walked over to the table still voicing how amazing it was . I must have been tuned out because my mother had been asking me who I was talking to for the whole duration of this meal ( about a minute and a half ) and she scared the SHIT out of me but don 't worry , no meat was lost . She was reading on a couch in the neighboring room . Good lord . Then I giggled the rest of the way through that sultry piece of meat . So I still have laryngitis . And my friends have come over and made it impossible for me not to speak so here I am honking away . And they think it is hilarious when I say certain things . So whenever I would receive a text message I would say " text message " in a high pitched noise , I mean , we are talking every time . So I figured I should just record myself saying " text message " instead . So I did and people think it is strange , and funny and it never gets old . So here we are sitting around playing with our phones and one of the bestest wants me to record " text message " into her phone so her life can be complete . So I did and it is awful . Honk Honk . I sound like a goose and when I say goose its like a twelve year old boys voice crackling . I have laryngitis . And I talk all of the time . One of my bestest just came over and we had a full blown conversation without me saying a damn thing . It was rough let me tell you . But I silently laughed my ass off and gave her facial expressions that easily explained my reactions . It is really irritating not being able to say what I want or what I need or how I feel . I mean writing down little notes works but uses lots of paper and I am a horrible speller . Whoever said silence is golden can suck it . But it also makes me think before I speak since I really cannot produce any sound . To make the tampon aisle even more awkward at the Target near me , the condoms are in the same aisle . Killing two birds with one stone you ask ? Yes , yes indeed . the tampon aisle is a confusing , weird and uncomfortable place to be . I 've never understood why there are so many choices available , but there are , and when they are out of my kind I feel like an alien to the world of tampons so I end up standing in the aisle for at least 10 minutes trying to figure out what brand to buy " do i need regular or light or super ? should i just get the variety pack ? will i know which end to tear open ? do i need to be eco friendly ? scented ? unscented ? can i really flush a flushable applicatior ? why doesn 't it come with a bonus dove chocolate bar ? do i need 16 ? or 45 ? why don 't they have a 25 pack ? " it 's stupid . I used to have this fear of buying tampons in public ( which i think is a legit fear ) but living in a huge city kind of helps you get over that . I used to go to Walgreen 's at the weirdest hour when I lived at home because I would always see people I knew from high school . My best friend Julie even bought me a couple of boxes when I left for college because she knew I 'd rather bleed to death ( which couldn 't happen ) than go buy them at a random Walgreen 's or CVS in the city of Chicago ( I have good friends ) . Sometimes i think about what it would be like if men had to buy tampons and I 've decided that they would either stay home for the entire week or have voluntary hysterectomies . I realize now as I 'm older that you should be happy and proud when you buy those tampons because it means that you 're still a freeeeee bitch , baby ( no pun ) . so here 's to all the women that stand in the tamp isle for 10 minutes contemplating the cardboard and the plastic , even though we 've tried them all . . . Kelly No , not actual Ragu , but my big sister Ragu ! She turns 25 today ! We are having a 1920 's themed party complete with beads , ferns and long fucking necklaces ! It has been brought up a few times in the last week or so that men are somewhat surprised when girls become vulgar . When a guy is talking about sex , or something dirty he does not say anything about the girl but obviously it is implied and GUESS WHAT ? ? ! ? ! ? ! We are totally telling our girls the same damn story and we are probably adding lots more details because women need to know everything . And most of the time it is kind of bragging but also we need to live vicariously through others sometimes . My friend and I always thought it was funny to throw around the term " HEM JOB " while talking about hemming a garment for someone because one : it is hilarious two : it catches everyone off guard three : best facial reactions EVER . " I 'm going to give him a hem job " Perfect . Just Perfect . Love It . My sister just got home for Easter and she climbed into my bed and we 've been chatting away the evening . We were talking about her 1920 's themed party and trying to look up what to listen to during the extravaganza . Then our conversation veered toward our grandpa who was born in 1919 and how his mother , whom we never got to meet must have been a sass - a - frass - and - a - half and incredibly amazing . When my dad was little she gave him a doll just to piss off her daughter in law , his mother . My father was the youngest at the time ( then came in the oops baby ) with two older sisters and an older brother who was 12 years his senior . So when it came time to find some new clothes for his doll my father found his brothers dress shirt , and it was probably his only dress shirt . And he cut the arms off and said " and I didn 't even have to sew anything " HAHAHA . I can just imagine my dad going into his room ( shared with his big brother ) and fucking looking wide eyed around for something to use . Classic papa bear , CLASSIC . I am starting to write everything down because it is too good to forget and I suggest you do the same . Today I went to a middle aged house wife 's house and cleaned out her very large walk in closet . And when I say ' very large ' I mean GIRNORMOUS . You could fit a twin sized bed inside with extra room to spare . And let me tell you she had more clothes that I have had in the last five years combined . It took three hours , 50 turtle neck sweaters and lots of polyeste to get rid of the ' 90s that was hiding in that closet . She had some really lovely things and then there were some really ridiculous things . She also had clothes that made her look 60 and others that made her look 13 which is the age that her oldest child is turning so we made some adjustments . And I told her not to be afraid of putting a mutliple colors together , especially since spring is upon us and you can get a little crazy . I had a lovely time and I think she was happy to have someone to help her with what will look good and what is definitely outdated . She was very fashionable and so adorable and had more than everything she would need to look cute for five years to come . Do you ever feel like you and another are meant to be ? That you were supposed to meet at that moment in your life and you just become connected ? I have a few of these lovely people in different forms . It could be romantic , or platonic or ironic or any thing , it just is . I don 't know if I believe in soul mates or if I totally understand that term but its the closet word I can use to describe Medusa and I . We are meant to be . We argue and disagree and we certainly have our own tastes but when it comes down to it we are on the same wavelength . I don 't know in what part of our friendship that this came about because we were not close at the beginning but it just sort of " became " . And it will remain a joining of giggles , sparkles and hilarity . let me preface this rant : I am an educated , privileged white girl . My parents are still married . i have not lost anyone close to me . I have not had my heart devastatingly broken . i have a roof over my head and i drink espresso . . . That being said . . . why is it so fucking hard to get a goddamn job ? ? ? ? ? ? I 'm not even talking salary here . I decided to spend my summer at home in St . Louis to save up money to move to LA this winter . My parents just sold our house and are moving into another house we own which is being rented until June 13 . my parents are going to live in my aunt and uncles furnished basement for a month and i was informed today that they " just thought you 'd sleep on an air mattress . " me . I NEED WALLS ! ! ! I can 't just go from living on my own to living in the open . I started freaking out . I keep considering staying in Chicago for the summer anyways . I 'm afraid if I don 't move to LA within 6 months of graduation I will get stuck because that 's when my student loans will kick in and I was planning on struggling with those in LA and I know that if I 'm not there by that time my parents will guilt me into staying at home . My parents support me but they do not and will not understand me , ever . They want me to stay in St . Louis and have babies . They don 't understand art or passion or adventure . I love them dearly but sometime i picture them taking the wrong baby home from the hospital . Oh , then there 's the car situation . . . my parents said if i was an RA ( resident advisor ) for 2 years they would buy me a car . Those 2 years were awful , my GPA went down , i was angry all of the time and i had no time for my fashion design . Long story short they 're giving me the " if we 're going to help you with your student loans , we can 't buy you a car . " So now i have to buy a car no matter what . I 've been looking online and the thought of working in food service or retail makes me want to blow my brains out , like , literally would rather live in a basement with a piece of chalk and do cave drawings than deal with dumb people all day and act like I 'm not a talented person with a college degree . People keep telling me to move to New York because " that 's where all the fashion is " I WILL NOT WORK FOR FREE ! ! ! ! ! ! and i have not seen 1 job listing that isn 't either aclick here if you think I 'm a spoiled bratThanks for being my therapist , Medusa Posted by I love screen printing . It is on my list of things to do every summer but I never end up doing anything I have written down . This time it is going to be different . Boys are such a plethora of information sometimes . Columbia 's fashion design program was made up of 95 percent women , 5 percent gay men so I wasn 't around a lot of testosterone for the last couple of years . So I was hanging with a few fellas yesterday and I learned something brand new ! They were saying that their friend was lame and wanted to stay home and rest and then they spoke in some strange lingo " he is probably saying hey to jill . " My first thought was maybe this is the girl of his dreams and he is too chicken to say hello , hahaha . But boy oh boy was I wrong . When you hold out your right hand it spells Jill with your thumb being the J and so forth . Jill is slang for jerkin ' off , hahahahaha . I had never heard that one before . I also learned ' beef stroken ' off ' the other day too , fucking clever . I do have a brother but we 've never discussed things like this before . Warby Parker is this amazing company that offers lenses and frames for $ 95 and I need some new glasses so I decided to take advantage of their free 5 day home trail of 5 frames . i 'm wearing the Fillmore frames . i kind of love them and i 'll probably order them after i have an eye exam . excited . Posted by Medusa and I took a figure drawing class together and it was fan - fucking - tastic . It was hard at first to get into the mind that right in front of me was a naked person and that I shouldn 't think about drawing the body but drawing shapes , shadows and lines , not the body as a whole . We had this lovely teacher from West Virginia with a sultry accent . And boy oh boy did he know his shit and he had the most fascinating stories . And he called us many silly names but mainly he stuck with Thelma and Louise and we ate it up every time . He also had these silly analogies , " would you canoe without an ore ? Then don 't draw like that " Hahahaha , never made any sense but we sure as shit listened to every word he said . Back to the naked bodies . I crave naked bodies . I need naked bodies . I just want to draw everyone , seriously , it was that good . First we did quick gestural sketches and then moved into thirty minute drawings and by the end of the semester we were doing three hour long poses . It may have been my favorite class . Most days it was relaxing , some days it was irritating not to mention our room was a sauna . But he taught me that you cannot get attached to everything you produce . You need to tweek it , you need to throw it away , you need to let go because the next one is probably going to be even better and if it isn 't , the one after that will be . It is a lovely art and I should have been drawing from photos until I found another willing body because I have lost the groove , but with practice I will get it back . My band teacher in middle school always said " practice makes perfect " and I hated it and I hated him because I could have cared less about playing the damn trumpet because where was that going to get me ? Haha , I should have been thinking about that when I decided art was going to be my calling . But maybe you can 't decide that , maybe it chooses you . Have you ever noticed how every guy just happens to be good at volleyball ? I feel like it doesn 't even matter if they have played before or are athletic in any way . I played in middle school and I love it , well I loved serving because I was really terrible at controlling the ball . This may be a consistency , when I play ping pong I think its tennis and I hit that damn ball so hard it bounces every which way . But anyways volleyball and boys : they go together like sugar and spice . My goal this summer is to exercise in every way possible besides going to a gym . Volleyball , tennis , basketball , biking , hiking , canoeing , swimming and maybe even some frisbee . when I get stressed i go to Anthropologie ( yes , the store ) . It is the Tiffany 's to my Holly Golightly . I think i always end up there because : 1 . It 's the one place in this city that always smells good2 . The visual displays cannot be beat and I am ALWAYS inspired by them3 . There is never anyone in there because most people think about money , not magic 4 . It 's just a magical place that makes you feel warm and safe and reminds you not to take life too seriously Oranges have been my favorite for quite some time . I like them cold and cut up . I feel like a little kid in the summer time when I eat them that way . Merriweather Just showed my papa how to use his new i - pod touch . He is quite excited and cannot believe that he can go on the internet . . . " even facebook ? ? ? " he asks . Hahaha , so cute . If you cannot wear strapless things everyday then why would you buy a strapless wedding dress ? This is one of the most important days of your life . And you will look ridiculous trying to pull up your gown every five minutes so just save yourself the trouble and buy a beautiful dress with straps to keep your girls in place . Strapless dresses are in no way better or fancier or more elegant and not everyone can pull them off , I can 't and I know this so I stay away . Have I talked about birds before ? Probably . And this won 't be the last time because I am connected to them in a way that I cannot explain . I am a bird , my friends are birds , we are birds of a feather . There are so many lovely ' bird ' sayings and they go as follows : When I was younger I wanted to be a car mechanic . The idea of being a girl in a man 's world really appealed to me and I loved the technicality of it . Getting dirty , being knowledgeable and providing a service that was practical . At the beginning of high school I started to really sew like a crazy person and took many art classes but I would throw in a wood shop , some welding and a general mechanics class and I loved it , I mean really loved it . It made me work hard because these were things I knew nothing about and was never around during my life that far . When I told me parents my plan my dad said " okay , kelsey " not really sure of it because I probably changed my mind quite a lot then and my mother said ' no way ' . But not in a ' there is no way you can do that ' or ' I will not allow you to do that ' but in a " you are destined for greater things " kind of way that always bothered me because it seemed like she doubted me . She said that I was going to New York and that I would study Fashion Design . She was only half right so I only give her half the credit . But when you really get down to it the Fashion Industry is a man 's world , it always has been and it always will be just like every other job in the world . But once in a while a woman gets on top and she rides it out until she can no longer open her mouth to say " that is fucking hideous " . And a few of those women are the lovely Gabrielle ' Coco ' Chanel , Elsa Schiaparelli , and Miuccia Prada . And let 's not forget that most of fashion designers did not start out that way , they were architects , doctors , teachers and writers . They just happened to have an idea and just went with it . # 1 People that feel the need to sprint up the escalator like their ass is on fire when there is an empty staircase beside said escalator . I understand if you like to walk up the escalator when there are no stairs available , but don 't huff and puff at me when I decide to use the escalator for it 's intended purpose . # 2 Women that put tennis shoes on when they get off work . Like , you 've been sitting at a desk all day , do your feet hurt THAT bad ? It makes you look like a pussy . . . I am a firm believer in being comfortable , but there are plenty of options when it comes to post work shoe choices ( like a cute pair of city flats from The Gap ) . This topic is also a good segway into my extensive peeve of women and their relationship with high heels . If you hate and resent your heels after taking them off then you probably shouldn 't be wearing them in the first place . Looking like an injured horse is NOT sexy . . . Medusa Motto : IF YOU CAN ' T WALK IN HEELS DON ' T WEAR THEM ! ! ! ! ( that 's me in the corner with the sunglasses bahahaha ) My friend Chuck was in town this weekend so I decided that I needed to take him dancing . I 've always wanted to go to this dance party that happens every monday night called REHAB . The theme was Luau and the maker of my favorite beer ( 312 ) was the sponsor so we got 3 free beers . I really do not drink that often so after 3 beers and a tequila shot I was dominating the dance floor like I invented it . The dj 's were amazing so I got into that mode of paying attention to absolutely nothing around me but " The Beat " I honestly could not tell you what was going on at this party because I was in a dance trance . Dancing will always be my way of letting go of stress , working out , and even bonding with friends . I don 't care how I look on the dance floor because I always feel so comfortable , it 's my home . Every spring I have trouble trying to remember the number combination to my bike lock . Last year I was meeting a friend for a bike around Chicago and I had an hour to try and break the code because I had locked it to the radiator in the back staircase of my apartment building . I kind of know what the numbers are and I write them down every year . Then I try them all and they never work . I give it a few minutes just staring at the lock and then it just comes to me but I never EVER write it down I just figure that I will remember it for next spring but yet again I have forgotten it . But I am in luck because I have just locked the lock to the bike and it is still ride able ! Merriweather Have you seen Leonardo DiCaprio lately ? Um . . . Hello ! I have crowned him adorable man of the day ! He is so lovely and has been lovely forever and he looks great with the weight he has put on . And I really think that Kate Winslet and him should get together . They would disappear for months having wild raging sex they have always wanted to have since they worked together in Titanic . I 'm just saying . I know that they are good friends and I firmly believe that a guy and a gal can be great friends , and just friends . But they aren 't fooling me . I have this horrible habit of sticking my sewing needle into my bed while I am sewing . So of course I got into my element while sewing at a friends house during college and put the needle into this bed . I tried to keep it quiet and feel around for it but his sheets were ill fitting so it was difficult for me to find it not to mention him sitting at his desk three inches away . Let 's just say he was not pleased and I quit sewing my homework and promised to never do it again . I hope that the man I share my bed with will let me sew in bed . Or ! I could have a little bed in my sewing room or a sewing couch that would be nice too . In Chicago I have a bench on the lake close to my old apartment that I would sit on for hours everyday for the whole summer and part of the fall . Some days I would bring a book and sweatshirt to stick under my head while I laid and read . I sat every which way I could for hours . I only got sunburned on one side of my body every time . Some days I would bring my head phones and just watch the waves and others I would sit in silence and just take in the beautiful monstrosity of lake Michigan . One time a photographer took photos of me from behind with my hair blowing in the wind and showed me after ; they were sweet . I brought my friends and my mom to this bench because I claimed it and I knew it and I loved it . And now I have found another bench to pass the time and I am quite excited about . It seems it is just what I need . This is in no way replacing my other bench but I have decided to start collecting benches . Sounds like a good thing to collect right ? I can go whenever I want . I don 't have to store it and it doesn 't take up space in my house . I love painting rooms , I just love it . It is relaxing and enjoyable . It makes me feel great because I am being so productive ; washing the walls , taping , trimming , rolling , repeat . While I write my book I think I should have my own house painting services because alterations are so frustrating . Sewing is soothing , but re - doing something I had not sewn in the first place just does not do it for me . When I am not passionate about something the outcome does not turn out as well as I would like it to and its hard to be happy . Painting is another step by step process like sewing , and woodworking and I like things that work when you do them a certain way . While doing some hand sewing alterations I popped in the children 's movie The Road To El Dorado . First off Elton John did the soundtrack and Hans Zimmer did the score making the music worth watching . Plus it is has some funny adult humor mixed in . But at the end one of the main characters becomes worried about what is to come next " " We don 't have a map ! We don 't have a plan ! " , " That is half the adventure ! " screams the girl . And by golie I enjoy this quite a bit . I have always been the one with the plan , something a head of me , something that I am building up to and it has been great . But right now I don 't have anything and I am going to do whatever I damn well please . And why not ? People are like this their whole lives and I am adopting it full force . Day by day ! Orion has always been my go to constellation . He is always in the sky when I look up and I usually don 't have to search for him . I find constellations so fascinating and the stories behind them are quite lovely if you choose to believe them . The whole constellation reminds me of how we first started out drawing in my figure drawing class at Columbia which turned out to be one of my top five classes . He is very boxy and simple but you can tell what he is and that his body is curved . And at the beginning of the class we would do thirty second sketches and they would turn out similar to him . Oh how I miss that class and all those naked bodies . Medusa and I took this together and our teacher called us ' Thelma and Louise ' . Medusa had to watch it to understand what he really meant and we decided it could work for us minus the ending , and the bar scene but we wouldn 't mind a young Brad Pitt seducing us . Well of course none of us win so we head over to his favorite bar and my mother and mary number five ( she has five mary 's and six karen 's ) are going to meet us over there when their friends have all gone home . Well time rolls by and I am wondering what has happened to them , but they slowly saunter in pretty drunk and mary number five drove herself down town so we are a little concerned . So we come up with a plan that mom is going to drive mary back to her house and we will follow . And then mom orders a rum and coke and runs to the bathroom . My friend says " hey , isn 't she going to drive ? " so he asks the bartender to make a regular coke so we can trick her . The bartender even puts a little rum on the straw so it seems legit . My friend and I cannot stop laughing while she sucks down what she thinks is a rum and coke . Last night I drew a lightning bolt on my knee . Patti Smith is one of my many idols , I think she is a true artist . Sometimes I draw the lightning bolt on my knee to keep me going because Patti Smith has the same tattoo on her knee . The book Just Kids changed my life , here is the part about her tattoo . . . " I thought of something I learned from reading Crazy Horse : The Strange Man of the Oglalas by Mari Sandoz . Crazy Horse believes that he will be victorious in battle , but if he stops to take spoils from the battlefield , he will be defeated . He tattoos lightning bolts on the ears of his horses so the sight of them will remind him of this as he rides . I tried to apply this lesson to the things at hand , careful not to take spoils that were not rightfully mine . " The things at hand being all the offers she had received after her first poetry reading / open mic . She turned down a record deal because she felt it came too easy . I texted merriweather today and without knowing any of this she responded " I was just talking about you and Patti Smith " this represents a ) how we are completely connected and b ) that my musing about getting the same tattoo should probably become a reality . . . I have always loved tattoos and i have tons of respect for the people that get them and have no regrets about them . They are so personal , but many times very visible for the world to see and assume what they mean . I like the idea of the lighting bolt mostly because it 's on Patti Smith and any connection to that has got to be good karma but she was inspired by Crazy Horse to get hers and I am inspired by her to get mine so it just represents how all artists work , we get inspired by something and put our own twist on it . It 's a way for your art to live longer than you and that is what it 's all about . We go together like peanut butter & jelly , leather and studs , black and white , UPtown and DOWNtown . We can be great alone and together . We are two halves of a whole . We are Medusa and Merriweather . |
So , now Michael is in the office , doing office stuff . But it sounds like by early afternoon he 's out and about in the field doing traditional work . And he 's getting a few laughs … Subject : " Just keep swimming , just keep swimming , just keep swimming swimming swimming . . . " First things first . I 'm in the mission office right now , using a mission computer for emailing . Benefits of working in the office ! We had a party with Sr . Vero in Mahajanga on Monday evening , which was way fun . She and her two daughters have been members forever , but her husband never joined the church because he was " too busy " to learn from the missionaries . But he made it to the party and it turns out that he 's way cool ! A way nice guy . I think he could be a really cool member one day . We just need to help him desire to join the church . Actually , Elder Hamm and his new companion need to help him do that , because I have moved on to a new place . Saying goodbye to people was sad , and it only got worse when Florent , one of our best investigators , had to drag the goodbye on for like twenty minutes . We kept trying to say that I would call him sometime and catch up with him then , but as soon as we tried to turn to walk away he 'd start thanking us for all the awesome work that we do , saying that we 're such good people , God will be with us . . . he did that like four times . I love the guy to death , but I am definitely not a fan of long goodbyes . The bus ride here was a nightmare and a half . We were supposed to leave the bus station at 7 : 30am and show up around 7 : 30pm , but the bus got delayed for an hour and a half and then just decided to not go at all , because there weren 't enough people in the bus ( and thus , not enough money for the driver ) . Another bus driver volunteered to take us , and we set out at 9am . We then stopped for the longest gas stop of my life , no joke . The worker shot about 40 liters of gas in the tank right away , but took fifteen minutes filling up another 12 liters . Agonizing . But we started out again after that . Assuming the bus traEdA And apparently his final week in Mahahanga . With just 3 months to go , and just 2 transfers remaining , Michael is moving on … . Subject : " You don 't know the power of Styrofoam ! " I keep trying to not mention it , but . . . time is FLYING ! Elder Hamm and I keep having these moments where people ask us how long we have left on our missions and one of us says " three months " . Then we look at each other and realize just how short that is . It 's terrifying . We just got transfer news yesterday . I am getting transferred to . . . the mission office ! I 'll be Madagascar 's newest office elder . I hear that the office elders still get to teach almost as much as everyone else though , so that 's good . The area they work is called Betongolo , which means " big onions " . Also , my companion - to - be was just trained in the office , so I have as much time left in Madagascar as he has finished so far . I don 't imagine that will make either of us less trunky . Actually , I really haven 't really had to deal with trunkiness yet . It 's not that I don 't love and miss you all in America , but I 've been able to just focus on the mission . It also helps that all of my companions have been way awesome so far ( and this new kid , whose name I forget , sounds super cool . Apparently he 's a licensed pilot ? ) , so they keep my mind away from home . Some people would think that spending so much time in Antananarivo would be a lame way to end a mission , but I honestly couldn 't think of a better way . Hanging out with mission president , being able to buy souvenirs ( and a suit ? ) , possibly learning to drive stick - shift . . . But all those things are coming up later . Let 's focus on the present . This last week was not our best for teaching . We caught far less times than we hoped , but it wasn 't our fault . People just don 't know how to respect a time that they give you . But that 's okay . We got in three hours of contacting , and contacted some sixteen people , most of which seem way cool . I 'm kind of sad to be leaving Mahajanga right now , because we 're starting to find some super cool people EdA With what is approaching just 3 months remaining of his mission , Michael continues to focus so much on his investigators . And we have some good pictures ! Subject : " He died instantly . The next day . " I 'm not sure if I ever told you all about Sandy . He was baptized back in September and went inactive immediately . We have been working with him ever since , and he always said that he would start praying again , but hasn 't . This last week he finally just came out and said that there 's no way he 's coming back . He refuses to tell us what brought on this change , but his mind was set . He tried to give us back all his scriptures and asked to have his name removed from church records . Sandy is just done with the church . So that 's not the best way to start an email , but this week only gets better from there ! We 've started teaching a couple of men named Diambare and Florent , and that 's going really well . They are reading and progressing well , and both said that they would come to church yesterday . Neither one did , but we can work on that . They also just focus well during the lessons and ask good questions , so we really enjoy teaching them . There is also this guy named David that we just met , who we think will be a really good investigator , along with his family . We haven 't gotten to teach him a full lesson yet , but we think he will be diligent . Only time will tell . We 've been working with Diam and his wife , Arlette , for quite some time now . Diam has been a member for a long time , but went inactive for a while . His wife is not a member and can 't get baptized yet because they are not officially married . But that should be taken care of soon . Another problem is that two of their three daughters are over eight years old , and need to learn from the missionaries . To make things more difficult , the oldest one , about 11 years old , has been praying at a Catholic church with her friends rather than praying with her parents . The parents allow her to " make her own decisions " . For a while we have been trying to get the older one to come to cEdA This week we got to talk with Michael for Mother 's Day ! And we talked for nearly two hours on Google Hangouts , which meant it was a video call . It was awesome ! We loved seeing and talking with Michael on video - on the big screen , of course . His smile was most impressive ! After that call , he still wrote an email ! Subject : " There 's like fifteen retainers in there ! " Sandratra is probably my favorite investigator right now . He can be serious during lessons and focus , but he can also laugh and just be a buddy outside of lessons . He learns at our English class every week , and he really is our friend , rather than just a person being taught . I wonder what it would take to get other investigators to be like that ? One of the biggest and most annoying things right now is getting people to church . Every week we challenge people to come to church , and they say they will . And then they don 't . So we challenge them the next week , and they say that they will again . And they still don 't come . Could it really be that hard to walk into a building full of nice people to pray to God on Sundays ? ? One of our investigators is particularly frustrating . Frank has been learning for a while and is a super nice guy , and will make a great member . But the guy will just not come to church ! We 've tried inviting him , preparing him , sending the branch president to pick him up , and yesterday we tried picking him up ourselves , and he still hasn 't come once . He keeps saying that he will , but there is always SOMETHING that keeps him from coming . We don 't want to drop Frank since he is still reading the Book of Mormon all the time and ready for baptism in every other way , but this church thing is getting ridiculous ! But alas , that is missionary work . That being said , we 're making a lot of progress with less - actives , who are coming back to church now . We 've got several that are back to full activity , for which we are grateful . Life is good . We also just started teaching this guy named Stefano , who is going to be a stud . He accepted baptism right away , EdA Michael has great missionary stories again today , and gets a little scriptural ! About beating children ? The rest of us are looking forward to a call next Sunday for Mother 's Day ! Subject : " Yeah . . . he took the red one . " We have been teaching Sandy ever since I came here to Mahajanga . He was baptized right before that , but went inactive immediately . So we 've been trying to get him back to church . He tells us that he will come , but always finds some excuse to keep him from coming . Twice a week we go out to his house and teach him , but he just sits there and says , " yeah , that makes sense . Good . Okay . " Sandy says that he has no questions , so we can 't prepare a lesson really to meet his needs . He says that he understands everything , and he 'll come to church . And then he doesn 't . Frankly , I 've had it with him . We 've done everything that we can to encourage him nicely , but I 'm done with that . No more Mr . Nice Guy . Last Tuesday we started by talking about God 's commandment to respect the Sabbath Day , and asked Sandy if he realizes that he is breaking that commandment . He responded by saying that he was just too busy , and it 's not like God is going to hold him guilty for just not going to church . So Elder Hamm showed him James 4 : 17 , which he had found just that morning for this purpose , which says , " Therefore to him that knoweth to do good , and doeth it not , to him it is sin . " BAM ! ( James 4 : 17 ) Sandy almost tried to laugh it off , but we didn 't let up . I told him how sad and angry it makes me that he doesn 't come to church . Not because I don 't like visiting him , but because he could be so much happier in life , so much better , but he refuses to come to church . Finally , like a hard nut that got hit just right , Sandy opened up and admitted that he had questions about the Restoration and the church , showing that he probably wasn 't ready to get baptized when he did . Regardless , now that he has said that we can work WITH him to answer his questions , rather than just throwing out random spiritual thoughts that mean nothing to hiEdA This week was actually Michael 's 21st birthday . Congrats to him ! It sounds like he spent the day watching general conference and coloring pictures … Subject : " You 're very good . But she needs a lot of work . " General conference ! It always takes a couple of weeks for us to get to watch it , but it came and our Mahajanga branch watched it this weekend . That was pretty fun . I 'll admit that I spent a good amount of the last session drawing pictures with some four year old kids , but that seemed more reverent than letting the kids get rowdy so that their parents start yelling . Honestly , adults are way more annoying than kids sometimes . Like you 'll be teaching a family and the kids are sitting on the ground , drawing pictures of them meeting Jesus , quietly singing to themselves . And then the parents start screaming at them to " shut up while the white guys are preaching ! " We have to tell some parents that freak out during lessons to just cool their jets , since they are more of a disruption than their kids . But it also makes me grateful that I was " born of goodly parents " . Mom and Dad , thank you for having been patient with your kids ( especially me ) and setting such a great example . We certainly didn 't make it easy for you , but you raised us well . Thank you ! But now , back to business . During general conference our branch made lunch for everybody between sessions , which meant that there was a whole lot of rice there . The rice here isn 't processed , so there 's always little rocks in it . Thus , people " mitsimpina vary , " or cleaning the rice , which involves pouring the rice into large , flat dishes and pulling out the rocks and things . Quite a painstaking job , but most Malagasies do it at least twice per day , for their entire family . I tried it a little bit , and found out that I am also grateful for clean rice . ( I also cook rice here , but it 's packaged , and thus it 's been processed , so I don 't have to worry about mitsimpina vary ! ) Our teaching has been going pretty well . Haja ( that barber that I said is named Hary ) is progressing EdA Apparently Michael is the senior companion in this case ( and technically the district leader since there 's no other companions there ) , although I 'm not sure that really matters , as he says . Is is true that he has an investigator named Hary that owns a barber shop ? Hary ? No pictures again today . We 're going to have to get after that boy ! Subject : I can 't sir . It 's a liquid . Sandratra , whom some of you may remember , is still just progressing like a stud . He 's reading the Book of Mormon , coming to church , and has friends that are members . And he even came to a church activity earlier today . He 's going to get dunked as surely as an Oreo gets dunked in a glass of milk . That church activity , by the way , was one to remember . They kept telling everybody to be at the church early on Monday , because the bus that we would be riding out to the activity ( a special bus that they were renting for the day ) would be leaving at 7am sharp . After they made that announcement , I turned to Elder Hamm and asked , " what are the odds that they actually leave at 7 ? " " There 's not a chance . " And so it was . We missionaries were a little late because we had stopped by the cyber in the morning to check emails before we headed out , but made it there by 7 : 45 . About half of the other people were there . And the bus hadn 't even come ! It was at least 9 : 30 before we left . But since we had been thinking that the ride there would be two hours and it was only half of that , it wasn 't much of a loss of time . The activity was alright , just hanging out and picnicking at a pretty nice area with a slow running river ( or " temptation " , in missionary terms ) . We had a fun time just hanging out with the members . When we realized how late it had gotten , Elder Hamm and I started walking and hitch hiking . We got a ride decently soon , with this nice family that took us back to main Mahajanga in the back of their truck , for free ! We tried to give them money , but they refused . Nice people . And just a fun day . The rest of the week went pretty well too . We did somEdA Another good week with a baptism , and more to come ! And a new companion . Again . Subject : " Well don 't blame me - " " I blame you . " We had a baptism this week ! It was actually just a bunch of primary kids , but we had to teach them since they are over nine years old . So that 's that . What we are REALLY looking forward to is the end of May , when we should have a couple families getting baptized . That will be a great day . Edmond and Nirine should be getting dunked then , since they have been progressing so well . They come to church every week now , and even came to the baptism yesterday . That combined with how much they read the Book of Mormon means they should be just about ready ! Their daughter ( and two of her friends ) is definitely ready , and even comes to seminary and other activities . Their son is a thirteen year old stud . So that will be four people going down in May . We are trying to get Frank ready for that day as well , but he just does not come to church ! He says every week that he 'll be there , and then doesn 't show up . When we ask him , he just says that he was tired and didn 't happen to make it . We 'll try sending a member to pick him up on Sundays , but if Frank doesn 't start coming his date will have to be pushed back . It 's sad too , because he 's just such a nice guy , and diligent at reading . But we should get him in the end . He is ready to be baptized , but he still has just a little bit of laziness holding him back after years of not going to any church at all . Justin , if anybody remembers him , is still super far away , but reading the Book of Mormon and Bible like a beast . He 's good to be baptized once he gets back , but I 'll almost definitely have left this area by the time that happens . And there 's this lady named Pathy and her two kids . The lady split from her husband a while ago , but she 's diligent to learn , so we 'll teach her . Add to that Arlette and her daughter ( the wife and daughter of Diam , who is already baptized ) , Sandratra , and possibly a couple others , and the baptism at the end of May should be quite EdA Computer problems appear to make this week 's message just a little shorter ( and no pictures ) , but I 'm still inspired by the stories Michael tells . Subject : " Well . It 's not a prybar . " So I had just about finished my email home , when the internet browser closed for no apparent reason . I pulled my email back up , and the thing I had been writing had never saved . That 's . . . unfortunate . So here 's the short version . I 'm exhausted because we spend probably five hours walking today , searching out what was supposed to be an awesome P - day activity , and something called Lac Sacre ( which I think is French for Sacred Lake ? ) . We went down the wrong paths , went down parts with NO paths , and found it in the end . Honestly , the lake was more of a pond , and less than impressive . But it did have like ten cool fish in it , which now I have seen . So if anybody asks me about the coolest fish that I 've seen in Madagascar , I 'll be able to answer that they were in Lac Sacre ! There 's an investigator lady named Meme , who has been learning forever . The sad thing is that she can 't get officially married , so she can 't get baptized . But she can ( and should ) come to church , which she has not been doing . We 've been working with her for a while , and she finally came yesterday ! We just want her to keep being diligent in the things that she can do , even if she 's not baptized . On a more humorous note , Meme told us about her hometown . She apparently grew up in a small village in the northern part of Madagascar . And get this : the name of the place is Hellville . In English . Apparently Meme had grown up her whole life not knowing what that meant , but just recently somebody told her and the lady just about died laughing . She is a funny lady . From Hellville . Some of you may recall Bernardo , the thirteen year old , super diligent member . He comes to church early every week . Of his own choice . He also attends the Preach My Gospel class that we teach . Again , of his own choice . Some of the older members decided not to come to church last week because of the hEdA " The rains came down and the floods came up , and the house on the rock stood still . " How about a little hurricane action ? And some pictures ! , presumably from the new camera . Subject : " Ye best start believing in ghost stories , Ms . Turner . You 're in one ! " So we got a call from mission president yesterday that started something like this : Elder Marsh : " Hello ? " President : " Hello . How are you doing ? " " Good . And you ? " " I 'm good . Just wanted to let you know that there 's a hurricane coming your way . " " Uh . . . oh ! Okay . That 's good to know . " Apparently it 's a pretty big storm , but still decently far from us in Mahajanga . We should be fine . It 's been raining something fierce the last day or two , with some pretty strong winds . But don 't you worry . Elder Marsh and I are not going to let a little thing like a hurricane stop us from emailing . Our week has been pretty good . We got some good member help , which made us happy . Some of the members here are super diligent , so we like having them with us . Ulrich , for instance , gave us a referal this week ( his second one since getting baptized in December ) . The kid 's name is Sandratra . He actually learns in our English class , but had a couple questions about the gospel and asked Ulrich . Ulrich directed Sandratra to us , and just like that he has become a progressing investigator , with a few members of his family on their way to follow suit . They are a very nice family , and we 'll be going back to teach them this Tuesday . More to come . Edmond and Nirine , investigators whom some of you might remember , are still going well . Nirine is in Tana , apparently pretty sick but getting better , but we stopped by Edmond this week . His daughter and her friends have been coming to church for a month or so , but Edmond has been bouncing between here and Tana and hasn 't had time , until yesterday . He came to church , and had a pretty good time . Side note about his daughter and her friends : they 've only been present for a few lessons , but they started coming to church and just haven 't stopped . Now they comEdA On the upside , missionary work is making good progress ! On the down side , Michael 's camera got taken … . Subject : " Now when you go around loving everybody , you 'll smell so sweet ! " The weeks really are just flying by . Part of that might be because I get so distracted laughing at Elder Marsh freaking out about going home , since he now has three weeks total left of his mission . He 's actually doing a great job of not getting trunky , but it still reaches him when he reads emails . But Elder Marsh does a great job of getting focused again right after that , so it 's all good . The real problem with our work this last week started on Thursday , when my companion got pretty sick , and that lasted through Saturday night . The poor guy had to stay pretty near a bathroom most of those three days , so we didn 't get to work as much as we normally would . That being said , we still caught more total lessons this week than we have had since I came to Mahajanga ( or even back in Sabotsy Namehana , for that matter ) . One of my favorite people that we are teaching now is named Albert and Joseline . They and their family are super nice and diligent . My companion and I decided to really focus on getting to know them on our first meet up with them , rather than just quickly introducing ourselves and then jumping right into teaching them . And it turned out that getting to know people can get you a long way ! They have enjoyed us coming over to their house much more than other investigators might , and the lessons are much more fun and can progress much better , since we are more like friends now , rather than random white dudes talking about Jesus . That 's awesome too , because plenty of other white people do that , so we try to stick out and do things different than other preachers . Becoming friends , and encouraging them to get an answer to prayer , rather than trying to Bible - proof everything . So we 're basically trying to do a better job of applying the Holy Ghost in our lessons . And it 's working out pretty well . Another favorite that I 've had is this nEdA I Googled it . According to Wikipedia , Mahajanga is the correct spelling , and that the correct French spelling drops the ' h ' and uses the ' u ' instead of the ' a ' . Official : Mahajanga . French spelling : Majunga . Michael is using the correct spelling which means this blog has apparently been incorrect all this time ! Michael 's experience with missionary work continues to strengthen . His testimony is clearly growing . And he 's having fun , too ! As a side note , his brother David ( formerly a participant in this very blog ) got engaged last Friday , hence the comments . Subject : " Oh , not you Roxanne ! I was just yelling at my mother 's urn . " Just a usual week , nothing super new or grand or surprising . . . And then I open an email from dad to see a picture of David on one knee ? Holding a ring ? In front of a chick ? How did that happen ? So my brother is officially engaged now . That 's a weird feeling . But way to go David . Good job . ( PS : I 've heard that this is " Facebook legit " , so I guessed there would be no harm in me commenting on it . ) But all of you probably already knew that days ago . As for me , life has been much of the same . Teaching , preaching , and all that good stuff . Elder Marsh and I have also torn up Mahajanga this last week with our contacting efforts , and it 's starting to pay off . Maybe ten percent of the people that we contacted are going to progress , but that 's still some progress . Progress is good . Mahajanga is actually kicking up a gear in several different areas . We found a less active family that the branch had been contacting for a while , and visited them . Jean Baptiste and his wife came to church yesterday . They left early , but it 's a start . We 'll keep visiting them , and try to help the branch do a good job of accepting them back into activity . Sandy , who some of you may remember to be a less active recent convert , previously Jehovah 's Witness . We 've been visiting him , and it seems that he is still searching for the truth , and even stopped by institute class recently . As long as he continues that seEdA Things moving forward in Mahajunga ! Almost as an afterthought , we have baptisms ! Subject : " So . What 's with the WHEEL ? ? " I have now gotten my fifth American companion ( if you include the MTC ) . Elder Marsh is about as American bred as they come , wears cowboy boots around the house and talks with this super redneck accent . It 's awesome . Honestly though , I 'm finding it hard to communicate with him , because I can never remember how to say things in English . So I 'll get his attention and say something like , " hey , could you pass me that . . . what is that called . . . . . . . . that one thing . . . . . . . . " and I just leave him hanging there since I can 't remember the English word for pen or something . I 'm sure he 's been enjoying that . So we 've been rocking things up here in Mahajanga . He also refuses to let anything in our house work less than perfectly , so we 'll be spending most of today tearing things apart in efforts to fix them ( the washer , the sink , and basically painting the house with bleach . Gotta keep these things clean ! ) And that 's how he chooses to spend the first of his last five P - days . Which reminds me , Dad asked about the odds of there being another transfer coming my way soon . Elder Marsh will be going home at the next transfer , so I 'm guaranteed a new companion . There 's also the possibility of Mahajanga getting white - washed , but we 'll see how that all works out in a couple weeks . Elder Marsh has also been helping us straighten out the branch , particularly in their meetings . They 've had some rather ineffective ( useless ) branch council meetings , but this last one was really good . The branch president followed the agenda that was made for him , and some decisions and assignments got made . It was by no means perfect , but much improved . So that 's progress ! We also had thirteen investigators at church yesterday , including Edmond and his family ( his wife Nirine is in Tana , but everyone else came ) . Edmond , the Croc Hunter , has been a really good investigator , pretty diligent in reading , and finally came to church for the first tEdA A new month and a new planner ! The weeks continue to roll on and we 're now just outside of 5 months remaining . This week 's news ? Michael is getting a new companion , who happens to be freshly released from being an assistant to the President . Interesting choice . And this week 's letter comes with a genuine Malagasy recipe ! Subject : " It 's a highly efficient language . You can fit a whole book on a napkin ! " Today signifies the bright new beginning of a new planner ! How exciting . That planner represents the first of my last three or four planners EVER . That 's weird . It also means that we just got transfer news yesterday . As I may have mentioned before , there are three areas in Madagascar that are considered the " best areas " . Mahajanga , Fort Dauphin , and Toliara . Once a missionary goes to one of those , he is off limits for going to another . It 's kind of the unspoken rule . However , transfers came in , and guess who is moving from Mahajanga to Fort Dauphin ? MY COMPANION . The lucky little punk is bouncing down there , probably for the next six months ( his mission ends at the same time as mine ) . He should have an awesome time . I , on the other hand , am staying in the other " best area " , Mahajanga . My new companion is to be Elder Marsh , who will be leaving the throne of AP to end his mission in Mahajanga . It 's kind of weird to think that this companion actually may have had some say in picking me as his next companion . I guess that 's one of those , " a second to decide , a lifetime to regret " kind of decisions . Just kidding . I 've met Elder Marsh before and heard a little bit about him , and we should have an awesome time . He 's like a seven foot tall redneck . What could be better than that ? But enough about transfers . Our teaching this week has been going pretty well , with a couple people in particular . Some of you may remember Frank from last week . He is still progressing well , reading from the Book of Mormon , but he doesn 't like to pray he doesn 't like to pray when we are there . I don 't get that . Especially since he 's prayed EdA |
As you probably remember ( or maybe not ) , I complained a tad this past winter about all of the snow we were getting . I am not a cold weather person . Ever . Really , below 70 degrees is pretty chilly to me . Once I am chilled , it may take all day for me to warm back up . I don 't like the bleakness of winter , no leaves , no flowers , no green , only browns and grays . Christmas is one of the few highlights , but really , it is over in just a couple of days . More than ever , I resented every snow day we had this year . Well , maybe not that first couple of days when we had just returned from Disney World and I need to recuperate . But the rest of them I did . ( Note : I didn 't resent the school district for calling them . . . they were a necessity . I just resented all of the snow causing havoc on my calendar ! ) It wasn 't completely selfish . January and February are usually my best teaching times or rather the best kid learning times . They just absorb like crazy then . Once we hit spring , they get restless , and then it is hit and miss . The big part was selfish though . I like summer . I like that " lazy " feeling of summer . The freedom to get up when I want , eat breakfast when I want , do what I want with the day . Well , as much as is possible with kids . And while there are many people who think teachers have a " whole summer off " , it just isn 't true . We actually return a full week before the kids do , and this year I will be returning a little before that . We have workshops to attend , a room to set up ( that doesn 't typically happen much that first week we officially return since we are in workshops ) , etc . This year , I think we figured out that we will have about two months of " summer " , not counting the early days I will return for . . . All that to say , I am getting the itch . The summer itch . I want summer . I am still teaching like it is any other time of year , but the kids are done . They have that look in their eyes , that look of knowing that they are at the end . The weather hasn 't helped . It feels like summer . It looks like summer . It just isn 't summPosted by I posted on Facebook tonight that sometimes I wish I could turn back time to be a little girl , curled up in my mom 's lap . Then she could pat my back and tell me everything will be all right , In the grand scheme of life , things WILL be all right . However , some days , they won 't . And today they aren 't . I have probably mentioned a few times or two that our " life verse " is Proverbs 3 : 5 - 6 . Trust in the Lord with all your heart , and lean not on your own understanding . In all your ways , acknowledge Him , and He will direct your paths . " I love those verses , take comfort in them , find a peace in knowing that HE will direct my paths . I just have to trust . The part I have trouble with is the " lean not on your own understanding " . That part sounds so easy . It isn 't . I am a human . And it is not my nature , human nature , to just trust and not lean on my own understanding . We are curious souls . We want answers . We want to understand . Sometimes though we don 't . And at those moments , my knees feel weak . Tears flow easily . And my heart wonders " why ? " What can I do ? Pray . Trust . And Lean . Not on my own understanding but on Him . That is where I am today . It has been a hard day . When friends hurt , so do you . I can 't go into any details at this point . But I will ask that you pray . Pray for those who are trusting and leaning not . I am too big and too heavy to curl up in my momma 's lap . She wouldn 't walk for weeks if I did . But thankfully I am never too big or too heavy to curl up in His lap . And hopefully soon He will pat my back and tell me that things will be okay . Reba I am pretty sure if Mother Goose lived here , she would have written her little nursery rhymes a bit differently . . . There was an old lady ( or at least she felt that way ) Who lived in a house full ( of clutter and children ) She had such a long to do listShe didn 't know what to do ( first ) ! She stayed up lateAnd worked her way through the night . . . When summertime finally came ( it will come , right ? ) , she was completely out of sight . ( Because she was in bed , collapsed with utter exhaustion of course ) Hickory dickory dock , I am working against the clock . The clock strikes one , I am nowhere near done . . . Hickory dickory dock . Twinkle Twinkle Little StarHow I see just what you areThat 's because I am still up at nightThough I try not to with all of my mightTwinkle Twinkle Little StarHow I see just what you are ! Little Miss RebaSat down on a chair ( because nothing really rhymes with Reba ) Listening to criesOf how life is not fair . Kids buzzed around herWith plenty of things to say ( loudly and all at once ) Frightening Poor Momma away ! Mama Cloud had quite a clan , quite a clan , quite a clanMama Cloud had quite a clanThat followed her everywhere . They followed her all around the house , all around the house , all around the house , They followed her all around the houseSome days it was more than she could bear . Oh , yes , she really did love them so , love them so , love them soOh , yes , she really did love them soShe just wanted once in a while to be alone . Maybe Mother Good was right . She probably wouldn 't have made it far in life in my household with my rhymes . But for just a minute , I wasn 't thinking about my to do list ( longer than the trail of socks in our house ) . For just a minute , I got to just be . Thanks for listening ! Reba You may think I am referring to a certain television show . Sorry to disappoint , I am not . I never watched that show , so I couldn 't even pretend that is what I was talking about even if I wanted to . ( I rarely add new shows to our repertoire around here . . . I don 't get much t . v . time ) Anyway , I e - mailed Mark and asked him if I could " work late " . Unfortunately , he still had to work his regular time , but when he got home , I took off for the bedroom , locked the door ( I think it took less than five minutes for someone to try opening it ) , and started working on paperwork that really needed to be done . My to do list for the end of the year is REALLY long . He handled dinner , bathtime , books , bedtime , etc , while I worked . I did take a short dinner break . Or maybe it was a breakfast break since I had cereal . Anyway , as usual , I digress . One of the projects I worked on involved notes for a book study I have done at school all year . I had started the notes at school and sent them to myself via e - mail to finish them up before we present them on Thursday . I worked on them off and on all night . When I finally finished , I closed it out so I could e - mail it back to my school e - mail to print up there . It asked me if I wanted to save and I did . Unfortunately , I forgot to save with a 2 letter word . . . " as " as in " save as " . Apparently it saved it to a temporary file . And apparently temporary means just that . Temporary . As soon as I realized I didn 't see it ( within seconds ) , I panicked . I did a google search . I put an update on Facebook . Got all kinds of advice , most good I think . Unfortunately , the advice works for other people . Not for me . A friend of mine who is an IT guy accessed my computer remotely to see if he could find it . No luck . I felt bad for him as he presented the bad news . It is gone . All gone . ( By the way , I am not happy with Microsoft . . . when a girl is " saving " , she really wants that document saved ! Even if she forgets the " save as " . ) Sigh . Sigh again . I couldn 't wait to cross that off the to do list . Now I can 't . Or maybe I cPosted by I found the blog of a little girl recently . She caught my eye because she was adopted ( from Serbia ) . She had a heart defect , physically but definitely not emotionally . Her family was finally able to bring her home last fall . They knew that she had a hard road ahead of her with surgeries along the way . However , they were committed to one another . Just in the past couple of months , little Chrissie ( please forgive any errors in information . . . I am relying on my memory which is not always reliable ) had open heart surgery . Unfortunately , Chrissie develoiped some complications . And sadly , she passed away this past week . I watched / listened to little Chrissie 's memorial service via the blog ( click on her name above ) the other day and cried through the whole thing . Chrissie sounded like a really neat little girl with a big heart for her family and for life . I cannot imagine the pain and anguish of a family that waited and waited to bring her home and now is separated from her again . : ( Yet in spite of the sadness , her family has an incredible faith . And that is what the post is about ( click on her name above : ) from her blog . Read it and weep , then read it again and take it to heart . I promise your life will be changed . . . Reba Do you ever get knots in your stomach ? Like in the very pit ? The kind where you feel a little bit nauseated but you aren 't really sure why ? The kind where things just don 't feel right , but you cannot explain what is wrong ? Hopefully at this point , you are nodding your head , thinking , " Sure , Reba , feel that all the time . . . " If you aren 't , at least pretend so I think you can identify with what I am saying . That is where I find myself today . I have felt " sick " to my stomach all night long . I don 't think it is just one thing but rather a combination of things contributing to the knots I feel . When I mentioned it on Facebook , immediately I got responses that others truly do feel that too at times . And I received some urges to pray . So that is what I need to do . In case you want to join in , here are a few requests . . . A friend of mine needs prayer . I cannot say for what , nor who it is . But God knows . And this is a bring you to your knees kind of prayer . Please . Parenting . Our youngest is like I said , " All boy " . He is also " all toddler " . We need guidance in how to parent him while not squashing who he is . We are exploring some decisions with the best way to parent another child and covet prayers for that too . Then just general guidance for one as he moves on to middle school and another as she begins to enter that stage between childhood and the teen years . . . A lot of changes going on ! End of school . I cannot say it any other way . I am buried this time of year . I have so many things to get done in so little time . Please pray for me to wisely use my time so everything does get done while I maintain our home / family too . . . The family of little Chrissie . I do not know this family but found her website not long ago . She was a little girl , adopted from Serbia , who came home to her forever family last fall with some serious health issues . She recently had open heart surgery and passed away after some complications . I watched / listened to her memorial service on - line today . . . beautiful tribute to a beautiful girl . If you can get past the Posted by There are few times in life I feel like I earn my " mommy stripes " . Some days I feel like I am playing dress up . Some days just go smoothly and I don 't feel like I have contributed much to the lives of my children . Other days I am emotionally exhausted and " check out " ( not physically , just mentally ) ; I don 't feel like much of a mommy on those days either . There are times though , once in a while , that I feel like I truly earn my mommy stripes . You know , times like . . . when your child throws up just feet from the bathroom and you ( possibly with a roll of the eyes and a sigh ) help clean both the floor and the child up without ( too much ) complaint . when it is after midnight and you are waiting for the cookies you are baking for a child 's school event to be done so you can go to bed . when you run home from school on your lunch break just to put some food in the crockpot so your family has something good to eat that night . when you listen to a two hour tantrum and don 't lose your cool ( even when you feel like it ) . when you give up the last string cheese for a hungry child even though you had your heart set on it . when you spend the day rocking a sick child rather than hitting all of the things on your to do list . when you really want to come home and take a long afternoon nap but instead get dinner on the table , help with homework , and throw in a game of Memory . when you throw a pair of jeans in the washing machine at midnight because your child is just convinced he / she MUST have them tomorrow . when you trade in your very favorite vehicle ( Honda Accord ) for a minivan that you thought you would NEVER drive but now must out of necessity . when you find yourself up at all hours of the night conversing with experts ( often parents themselves ) and reading literature about how to help your child who is struggling with life . when you wait for months ( and sometimes years ) for the call that you can finally bring your child home after much prayer , tears , and ups and downs . when you find yourself going to DisneyWorld for vacation rather than the BaPosted by Mark just returned from a very long week ( or it was to me anyway ) from Vegas . He attends a conference every other year there , always right around Mother 's Day . The other years the conference is in New York . Due to the busyness of school ( and those four kids living here : ) , I never get to attend . I have never been to either city . A couple months ago , Mark told me that he needed to go to Vegas again in June for another conference . Please don 't ask me about what ; I have no idea . I just know it has to do with work . He thought it might be fun if I joined him . It happens to be the week we are finished with school ( I will have a day or two at home before we leave ) . We were excited about the possibility of getting away . We usually do that in August , but this opportunity just presented itself . I had heard wonderful stories of how cheap it is to get to Vegas , so this seemed like a perfect thing to do . Well , I think much of the year it IS cheap . Not so much in June . We probably should have just " passed " for me . We are not lacking for priorities in the " wants " category of things that cost money . Next thing I know , Mark bought us the tickets . Of course , his will be paid for . Mine won 't . It was more than we should have paid . But it is done . So now I am heading to Vegas in just a few weeks . What to do , what to do . . . Reba The other night I posted on Facebook that I needed prayer . I was very fortunate to have immediate response ( which is what I love about FB ) offering both encouragement and prayer . I think a lot of people thought it was because Mark had gone out of town when in fact I was dealing with a kid issue that was ( or so it felt ) much bigger than me . I realize a lot of people do think I am wimpy . I do have a hard time when Mark goes out of town ( though I typically just suffer in silence rather than announcing : ) . For one thing , I miss him like crazy . I don 't sleep as well when he isn 't here . He really is my best friend . Though we talk on the phone when he is gone , it isn 't the same . Things will happen and I don 't have anyone to share them with . By the time we usually get to talk , the conversation is short lived ( right now we have a couple hours time difference separating us ) due to the late hour . However , the other big reason it is hard is we tag team . That is how we live . And my guy to pass the baton to isn 't here tonight . . . From the time the kids were born ( and truly even before that ) , we tagged . I nursed both of the big kids for the first year of their lives . When they would wake up in the night , Mark would get up and bring them to me , they would eat , then he would take them back to bed . ( I really wasn 't just lazy , he just goes back to sleep easier than I do ) When someone needed a diaper change , most of the time it was just whoever was nearer or had available hands . When we have dinner , usually one person gets milks ready while the other dishes out the food . I bring the kids home , he runs to the grocery store after lunch . At bedtime , he reads to one child while I get another one down . It is just the way we do things . I am often told how lucky / blessed I am to have Mark . And I am . I feel very blessed . At the same time , I rarely hear anyone say the same thing to him . I have always wondered about that . At what point did a lot of those " tasks " become Mom only tasks ? We do the things we do because these children , our house , etc arPosted by So today child 3 brought home a laminated sheet for me for Mother 's Day . On one side , it has a sweet poem with a cute little painted handprint . The other side has a questionnaire about her momma ; the answers were dictated to her teacher . Here are the questions followed by her answers followed by MY responses in bold print . . . 1 . What is your mother 's name ? Reba ( She knows that one ; she and the youngest ask me that regularly ) 2 . How old is your mother ? 59 ( Seriously . . . 59 ? My parents aren 't even 59 ! When I asked her about that she said , " Well , I didn 't know . . . ) 3 . What is your mother 's favorite color ? dark blue ( She did get that right . Why would I have preferred her to get the age thing right or at least err on the OTHER side rather than this one ? : ) 4 . What is her favorite food ? spaghetti and shrimp ( not necessarily together . . . she had wide range on this one because I have a lot of " favorite " foods . I do eat spaghetti a lot . . . no sauce . And I will eat shrimp most days . ) 5 . What does your mom like to do for fun ? go to my sister 's gymnastics ( I had to laugh on that one . I don 't know if it is " for fun " but Mark and I do look forward to our turn to do that because for one hour , you get to just chill . There may be other children around but they aren 't ours . We can play on the computer , read , whatever . . . Apparently this child has picked up on that . ) 6 . If I could buy my mom anything , I would buy her . . . a new shirt . ( I will always take one of those : ) 7 . My mom likes to go out to eat at . . . Catfish Hole . ( I can 't really deny that one ) 8 . What does your mom cook best ? square sandwiches ( Those are little ham sandwiches I make on Hawaiian sweet rolls ; you pour mustard and some other things over the top . She LOVES them and will eat as many as I let her ) 9 . What is your favorite thing to do with your mom ? Go outside and play on the monkey bars ( I guess that means it is HER favorite thing . . . I do not play on monkey bars . I usually just sit in the sun on the porch swing watching . ) 10 . What is your mother 's favorite song ? ones about God ( We have Posted by a better day . Yesterday afternoon was a humdinger of an afternoon . I spent all afternoon dealing with kid issues at home . It was not fun . During times like this , I am thankful for a few things . . . a mom who listens and talks me off the ledge . a husband who is in it " with me " . We spent a good amount of time last night just talking about it all . It was so nice to have uninterrupted conversation and to find out we are on the same page ( and if we aren 't , we get there ) . bedtime . Last night I was so thankful when everyone was in bed . I know , short and not so sweet . I must head off to school . Just wanted to check in . Praying for a better day today ! Reba My big boys were gone last night . Our fifth graders go to a Nature Center every year for an overnight field trip . As our oldest son 's teacher explained it , the kids learn more in two days of activities there than they would in a month in the classroom ( or something like that ) . This child has been ready to go since third grade I think ! He also had his heart set on his daddy going as a chaperone . I won 't go into the long story but that almost didn 't happen . But then it did . So last night they were gone . I am used to Mark going out of town . I won 't say I ever like it but it is part of his job . Unfortunately we have a longer stretch of his absence next week . Ugh ! And our oldest has been away from home on occasion , so that isn 't new . What is new / different is having both boys gone at the same time . It just felt very strange . After lunch , my stomach started getting butterflies waiting for the classes to get back . Around 2 : 15 , I left my intern in charge for a moment to return some papers to the office . When I left the office , I thought I might check to see if there were any buses full of wiped out fifth graders . I peeked out the door just in time to see a bus pulling up . I watched for a minute then saw Mark walk off the bus , our son right behind him . We have been married over 13 years . . . together about 14 I think . Even all of these years later , I still feel my heart go pitter patter when I see him ( some days , some days not as much : ) . I ran out the door and jumped up in his arms . I missed him so much . Then I felt our son 's arms wrap around my legs . I missed him too . I hope that pitter patter never goes away . Reba That Mark is gone tonight . our oldest had an overnight field trip with his class to a nearby science center . Mark is helping chaperone . Today was a big day at our school . We had visitors coming to check out our school / school system . Today was also a " fiesta " for the interns . I took peanut butter brownies . Yum . This week is Teacher Appreciation Week , so I am trying to make each day special in some way for the three big kids . The little kid will take a new batch of peanut butter brownies to his teachers later this week . That my first " class " from NWA is graduating . Somehow I didn 't realize they got out of school a month earlier than everyone else . I have been madly writing letters ( typing ) and wrapping a little gift for the remnant . . . those that remain . That we have piles of laundry waiting to be laundered . That we got our third round of carpet for the living room which means for the third time we are loading up the living room , putting pictures and knickknacks back in place . Sigh . That I am still filling out paperwork for kids ( mainly for summer events ) . I am cooking more this week which means more dirty dishes to put away . That tomorrow is trash day . All that to say . . . I will have to save a post for another day . : ) Reba This will be short and sweet . I am knee deep in paperwork right now . This is going to be a humdinger of a week . I am hopeful that at some point I will sleep but it won 't be today ! The other day I read an article in the paper about a local family that traveled to Africa for about three months to help start an orphanage . I was fascinated with the story , especially after seeing that the family had four children . . . four young children . Even more intriguing . . . one of those children is adopted . I then read that the family had their experiences recorded . Our television station is airing it for the next few weeks . I knew I had to set our DVR . Last night I watched the first episode of Esther 's House . And I cried . I know , big surprise with me . : ) Wow . That was all I could say . Wow . Tonight our house is in disarray . We had our third round of carpet put in today . It is a neverending saga I think . Anyway , I let the kids know that even though we had things everywhere , we were going to take a few minutes to watch this episode together . We all settled in and watched the beginning . The kids were captivated . Well , most of them . The youngest was very three . . . short attention . He was captivated for a few minutes though . : ) Child 3 was watching the show with interest . As the family on the show shared about the heartbreaking conditions they encountered , including so many orphans , her wheels started churning . She began to ask me where the parents were for those kids . She commented about how sad they must be to not have a mom and dad . She also said that people with moms and dads were probably glad that they have one . Those words alone brought tears to my eyes . But what touched my heart even more ? As she was sharing these things with me , it became apparent that she in no way identified with those kids . She empathized with them but she didn 't identify with them . Wow again . Our little girl has no qualms . She has a mom and dad . Gulp . RebaPS Child 1 didn 't say much but Child 2 noticed the mention of AIDS in Africa and how short the lives are for many of Posted by I awoke early again thanks to a little boy who really needs something over his arched windows to keep the light out . " I wanna get up ! " We hear it over and over via the monitor , getting louder each time . I needed to get up to make pumpkin muffins , but I didn 't really want any helpers at that point . I just stuck my head in his room and told him it wasn 't quite time to get up yet , that I would let him know when it was . He said , " Otay . " Then it was quiet . At least for a little while . We hadn 't had muffins in a couple weeks . Do you know there was only one mini muffin left over by the end of breakfast ? I am not sure where they all went ! Usually I get to eat leftovers for a day or two . Bummer . Oh , I almost forgot the Big Scare . I walked out of my bathroom into the bedroom to get dressed for church . It was so quiet , ahh , peace and quiet . What a rare treat . Suddenly I heard a little muffled sound . I looked around . Nope , no one around . I continued getting dressed . Then I heard a little whisper , " Mom , I am hiding . . . " I screamed . Sure enough , our youngest was hiding behind a door , completely out of sight . I think he was hiding from his dad ( who was waiting to get him ready for church ) . I also think it took a while for my heartbeat to return . Oh , what a kid ! Anyway , we got out of the house for church , on time even . After I dropped the kids off at their respective Bible Fellowship ( a . k . a . Sunday School ) classes , I ran into a couple who goes to our church . I had worked with their daughter one Sunday but hadn 't really had much of a chance to talk to them . They have adopted four children ( plus have biological children ) , three of whom are now adults . They asked me about our family and our adoption . I mentioned how challenging parenting could be at times , and the added challenges of adoption . I really feel like God orchestrated that moment . I needed it , I needed to hear those words . They readily agreed that there are special challenges with adoption and that some days are not easy . However , they were quick to point out that their chilPosted by We have always called Saturdays " Stay at Home " days . Not sure why . We don 't truly stay at home much of the time . Lately we have stayed at home because someone is either injured and can 't walk or because of the weather . Otherwise , I would much prefer to be at the zoo or on a hike . But I digress . . . Today was a treat . It truly WAS a stay at home day for me . This morning Mark took the youngest out for donuts . This was his week for " Dad " time , so that was their activity . He looked so cute , telling me " bye bye " as he headed out the door with his daddy . I just wish he had slept in just a tiny bit . That would have been a treat for all of us . Child 2 was spending the night with someone so I just had two kids to feed breakfast . That felt very odd ! Let me just say that when one child is gone , the dynamics of the house change drastically ! The rest of the day I hung out at home . I didn 't get in my car one time to go anywhere . Mark did leave a few times , like to pick up child 2 and to go to a baseball game . And that was okay too . But I enjoyed the time at home . I cannot say I was particularly productive . I wasn 't . I surfed the Web . Disciplined and supervised children . Worked on laundry . Made dinner . Thinned out my daughter 's shoe collection . Thinned out another daughter 's closet clothing . Worked on putting some things away . But mostly I just relaxed . Well , and maybe worried a bit . Let me preface this next part by saying I am very sad for the people on the coastline who are watching the oil spill and feeling the effects of it for some time to come . I do . I realize that our vacation is very trivial and minute compared to the pain and difficulties the coastline residents will be facing . Okay , that being said , I am trying to figure out what we will do about our vacation . We had a beach vacation scheduled for this summer . You know I love going to the beach . We have a place already rented . And that part of our calendar is blocked off . Only now we are wondering what to do . The oil spill is headed that way . I have been brewing on this all dPosted by Hi ! My name is Reba . I am a mom of four ( two " homegrown " and two adopted from Guatemala ) , a wife to a handsome fellow , an owner of a puppy named Marley , and a kindergarten teacher . I am also a Christian / follower of Christ . For a while now I have written about our family on the Cloud Chronicles blog . I recently decided to go " private " with it to protect family / for security . However , I have some posts that are more me than them , so I decided to start this blog to share those posts ( thanks to copy and paste ) . If you want to follow the family blog , please e - mail me at RRinks @ aol . com . Thanks for reading ! My Blog List |
I have this friend ; going out with her when we were in University was always a nightmare because she virtually complained about everything . When we went to Mc Donalds , she would return her burger plus fries complaining that the bun didn 't taste fresh and the fries were not hot enough . When we went for tea , she would complain that she only asked for one sugar but could taste two . She was a serial complainer but it favoured her most times because every instance she complained , she always got exactly what she wanted or her money back . Though my friend 's complaints were always a bit excessive and compulsive but thinking about it now , she just didn 't want to accept any value less than her money was worth ( apart from her being a troublemaker ) . I noticed that unconsciously we accept and attract bad attitude and customer service to ourselves . The standards we set are those which influence how we are being treated by others . If we indirectly send out signals that we tolerate rubbish then rubbish will be dished out to us abundantly . Something I also noticed amongst most of us Nigerians is this ; our minds are inclined and immune to bad attitude and bad customer service . It has become part of our lives to accept it ( by " it " I mean bad customer service ) , manage it , live with it and then keep complaining forever , which is totally wrong . We make excuses that we do not have other choices so we embrace and " manage " whatever is being shoved at us with our lips sealed . In this way we indirectly send out signals saying " its OK , you can treat me as you like " . Voluntarily we settle for less and embrace the things that we clearly do not deserve or even want . We are not waste - bins ; we shouldn 't allow people to dumb things that don 't match our standards on us . These services we receive , we pay for , thus we deserve to be given quality and good attitude in value for our money . I have heard a couple of people who sell things say " why are they making so much force when they paid so little for the service " my friend , Posted by On Saturday my cousin stopped by to help install a new anti - virus software on my laptop . As we got discussing he asked if I still wrote on my blog , to which I answered " yes " . His facial expression changed from the jolly one to a more serious one ( more like an irritated facial expression ) as he started narrating his experience at a filling station he stopped by during the week to buy some petrol . Here is his story . . . By the time he looked back , what he saw amazed him . The meter had run so fast , it already read N500 . This felt like trick to my cousin because he only looked away for about 3 seconds . He ordered the attendant to stop and asked why the meter already read N500 when he only started running it about 3secoonds ago . The attendant who already knew that he had been busted cheating , immediately started to apologise and beg ( apparently immediately my cousin looked away to get some money , the attendant quickly reset the meter to the previous sale and was just about to continue selling from that amount when he got caught . This will mean that for instance if my cousin wanted to buy N2000 worth of petrol , the attendant would have sold him N1500 and kept the remaining N500 in his pocket , the meter would have showed N2000 as the amount purchased and my dear cousin would have left thinking he had N2000 worth of petrol in his tank ) . My cousin went back to the same filling station several times after but with his eyes on the meter from the start to the end of his purchase . After this incident , he began to understand why his fuel never lasted the length of time it usually did . Unfortunately , he began to think there was something wrong with the fuel tank in his car not knowing that some filling station attendants were having drinks on him . Apparently this sort of fraudulent act happens mostly at filling stations that are still in use of the old type of meter and not the new computerised one . Business owners must emphasise ( to their employees ) the danger behind cheating or stealing from customers . In plain English , stealing , cheating or ripping off your customers ( whether this offense is committed by an employer or employee ) can leave your business stuck with a horrible stigma which will eventually bring about the downfall of that business . Why not do this : deliver the best service . . . . Over Deliver ( a discussion for another post ) On this particular evening on my way home from work , I contemplated for several minutes whether to stop at a shop close to home to buy some toiletries or not , after thinking and thinking about it I decided to stop by at the shop . I went in ; bought all the things I needed and hurriedly went into the car with the mind of going home to take a nice afternoon nap . I climbed into the car , dropped my shopping by my side and began to look at the messages on my phone as the driver reversed while taking directions from the security guard . The car suddenly stopped and my mind immediately told me that we had hit a stationery car . I asked the driver what had happened but he tried to play dumb so I got out of the car to quickly see the damage we had caused . And behold we had broken the rear light of a company car . In a relaxed manner I told the driver to park the car and walked up to the car we had damaged . Some ladies got down and started lamenting ; calmly I apologised and asked what I could do to help the situation . They said that I had to follow them to their company which was a mortgage bank down the road . I accepted to drive behind them while they insisted that one of their colleagues rode in my car with me . I didn 't have a problem with that . A few minutes into our journey I turned to this nicely dressed lady seated in my car and asked " Aren 't you scared that I might kidnap you and take you to some strange place ? " she answered in a defensive tone " No ¸ I have no reason to be scared " I kept quiet for a few minutes and said to her again " I can actually kidnap you and drive you to a strange place , you don 't know who my driver and I are " she tried to be defensive again but I guessed she was a little nervous , so I decided to stop my mischief and assured her that I had no intentions of kidnapping her and at that point we got talking until we got to their Bank . When we arrived at the Bank , the security men greeted me very well , one of the other ladies who I would name Anne was already addressing me as " Ma " as she led me into their bank and offered me a sit ( their manager who , they had wanted me to talk to was in a meeting ) . So I sat down ( by this time , I had called my brothers and they were on their way to the bank to rescue me ) and kept myself occupied with my phone . Every single staff that passed by me greeted me very warmly ( I kind of felt very relaxed and was quite impressed ) . Anne came to sit next to me and started to explain how she felt bad that I was in this situation and if it were her car she would probably let me go . She was fascinated by my calmness . A little while later their Admin Officer ( she didn 't appear that nice ) walked up to me , acting tough she asked what I would like to do regarding the little accident , since I had never been in this situation before I told her that they had to tell me what they wanted . Anyway she sent somebody to get a quote from Honda while I sat and waited , by the time my brother arrived , Anne had introduced me to half the staff at the bank and had also offered me a book to read and tea or coffee . Everyone at the bank was very nice and supportive , I almost forgot what brought me there . . My brothers got to the bank and tried to resolve the matter . They spoke to the admin lady who had somehow softened up and spoke nicely to them . Anyway we came to an agreement to end this story . Their manger finally stepped into the matter , such a fantastic woman , her smile alone could melt your heart and make you bring all your money into their bank . She told us not to pay for the damages ¸ I gave her a big hug and promised that we would bring them business . Meanwhile , while I was waiting for my brothers to arrive , Anne and her colleagues were already marketing their services to me which I didn 't feel weird about because already they were very nice to me , they exchanged phone numbers with me and I promised to win them one customer at least , which would be me ( their attitude was very right and I was very impressed considering all the rude stories I had heard in the past about girls that worked in the bank ) . Every staff that I came across on that day whether on the corridor or while I was at the lobby greeted me well and made me feel very comfortable , you would think I was a customer and not a culprit . For the few hours that I was seated at the bank , I knew that the employees there had their game on , knew very well the secrets of delivering good customer service and definitely knew how to win new customers . Even in the midst of chaos , we still got wooed by their good customer service and would definitely do business with them now and in the future . At 11 : 21am a red light flashed on my blackberry , it was a distress message from a friend who had been scarred and disappointed by hair stylists at a salon , our conversation went thus : Participants : - - - - - - - - - - - - - ME , Hair madnessMessages : - - - - - - - - - Hair madness : So my customer service woes ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Hair madness : Only u will understandME : LolME : Spill spill spillHair madness : I went to Day spa to make an appointment to braid my hair . They didn 't even seem enthusiastic when I walked in . No smile nothing . She now said I have to make sure I come early oo coz they won 't wait . . and I was like trust meeee I 'm always early u need to make sure u 're early . . They just had this air about themHair madness : So I get there today and two women walked past me no good morning , nothing . They said the braiders weren 't there I should go sit and wait . I walked upstairs alone no one asked or apologised for them being late . One braider comes and asksss me again if I wanna braid . And I was like " what did the manager just tell u " she just strolled offME : AhhhhhME : Strolled off ? ? ? Hair madness : They didn 't put on the air condition , nothing . At that point I went to look for the idiot that said I shouldn 't be late and I gave her a piece of my mind and walked into my car . The braider now came and said ehh the other braider is changing her clothes . . . I said she 's lying . . She now said yes she was lying and that the braider was not around yetHair madness : I left ! ME : HisssssssssME : Imagine ! ! ! ME : Total time wastersHair madness : I Came to Elizabeth Michael . . . said I wanted to braid my hair . They said " ok pls sit " , I asked for the braiders , they said she 's on her way , then I asked how long would I have to wait , they said maybe an hour so I said no I can 't wait o . . The manager hurries along to call the braiders and comes back to say " sorry madam she 's actually walking in now , we even have 3 braiders and they will start immediately " . They asked me if I wanted anything to drink . I explained how I wanted my hair done . They kept smiling and said " ok aPosted by After forcing myself into my sister and her husband 's dinner plans on Sunday , they considered my plea and took me to dinner . As we were enjoying our meal , two ladies walked in , sat at the table next to us and started conversing loudly . They kept calling for the waiter . I noticed that my sister was eavesdropping , for a second I told her to stop but then I realised that I also started eavesdropping ( one of the ladies was talking about the toothpaste that she uses which can only be bought in Spain ) . A few minutes later I heard her say " excuse me " loudly again , thinking that she was calling for the waiter for the hundredth time , I didn 't bother to look in her direction , but when the " excuse me " started sounding like it was coming towards me , I turned to look at her and I realised that she was calling for me . Holding up a little package from where she sat , she said " hi I just wanted to say that I sell MAC powder , I get them from America and I am selling them at a discounted price , i am having a kind of sale , trying to sell them all off " I smiled politely , thanked her and said that I wasn 't interested . ( Since my sister and I were arguing about the toothpaste being from Spain or not , I decided to ask the lady ) I told her that I was eavesdropping earlier and heard about her wonder toothpaste , so she started the story about her sensitive teeth and how she found some toothpaste that can only be bought in Spain , since I live in Lagos and have no plans of travelling to Spain or changing my toothpaste , I soon lost interest ( if at this point she brought out a tube of toothpaste and advertised that she sold it , I probably wouldn 't have minded , though it would be very unlikely that I would buy it ) . She must have noticed my disinterest as she shouted across the table again " I sell accessories too " holding out the one she was wearing around her neck . " They are in my car outside , I can show you " she continued . I smiled again and politely told her that I wasn 't interested . She then asked for my complimePosted by On this beautiful Monday , after a fabulous birthday weekend , I decided it was time to respond to my friends messages since my BB had been on crack the whole weekend . So I said hey to Kay , thanked him for my birthday wishes then i noticed his profile picture . it looked like a clip from a newspaper but with his picture . i got excited and asked him about it . He confirmed that he was in the weekend paper for an article he wrote on Ecommerce . i got even more excited and accused him of living my dream which led us to the conversation about customer service in Nigeria . . our conversation went thus : Participants : - - - - - - - - - - - - - Me , Agent ZeroMessages : - - - - - - - - - Me : Will u at least read my blog ? Agent Zero : I will read ur blogAgent Zero : It 's the Nigerian jungle really , a writer like urself that wants to write about customer service has to be careful in delivering a msg that will be of relevance and direct experience with the people in this economy , meanwhile , as we all know , the kind of customer service u wish for , and would like them to adopt , is of the western world . So here lies the problem . How do u make people in this country side with what u are saying , when they don 't even believe in it . Agent Zero : If u have interesting write - ups , it will get published , don 't worry about that . Me : Hmm that 's a point , advice me , how will I make them side what I 'm sayingAgent Zero : Its gradualAgent Zero : U probably have to go to the origin , which is culture and the concept of changeAgent Zero : The people at tantalizers that are giving bad customer service , ask them how much customer service training have they had since they started working thereAgent Zero : Or did they just hire them , teach them about the various foods , their prices and how to work the register . . . . Me : I 'm sure they probably do not have any training . . my dream . . I would love to train bottom line employeesAgent Zero : That 's what my sunday article is on , training and my solutions that save money . People get trained in top organizations , it cost money , but they have money , in aPosted by Ask him to come to your house just to seek his opinion on a job , he would run down and thank you when leaving . Mr Saka made me free furniture one time when i accused him of not giving me a Christmas present as his faithful customer . He was so flexible with his job that he could come to your house at anytime just to mend a broken wardrobe ; he didn 't mind that you didn 't buy it from him ; he would mend it like it was his own and advise you on how to look after it . One day , when we needed Mr Saka to do a job for us at work , we were unable to reach him ( which was very unlike him ) so we sent somebody to look for him at home . The messenger came back with the news that Mr Saka was ill . The following week we heard he died . " Impossible " i shouted , " he probably went to his village for a little while " i said knowing that i was sounding silly . Well , Mr Saka truly died because his family confirmed and i haven 't seen him ever since . I had some work pending for him , and every time I remember him , i think about the exceptional services that he rendered . As i sat in my room on this particular night , i was almost cursing my internet service provider namely Starcomms . i sat in front of my laptop and began to wonder why i was still on this Starcomms issue . I honestly should have dumped them a long time ago . I sat there wishing i had their CEO 's number so i could give him a piece of my mind and also ask him how things got this bad , since their sales reps don 't do a good job of representing them or delivering my distress messages . Paying N15 , 950 as monthly subscription fee excluding the transport fare of the man who goes to the bank to pay this fee is not a joke . I felt cheated and frustrated . I need to give an explanation of what went wrong that night . . . I got home from work ; connected to my internet to send an urgent email to my friend in America who was sitting in front of her computer waiting to receive this vital document from me . The only headache i had apart from being tired already was that my internet would not allow my message send . My friend kept pinging my blackberry refusing to understand why it should take so long to send one email ( which of course added to my headache and frustration ) . Though the internet claimed it was connected the email refused to send . I couldn 't use my blackberry to send the email because the document i needed to attach to the email was on my laptop . I tried sending this email for a couple of hours like 2 , 3 , 4hours , dozing off and waking up until finally at midnight the message sent , " Hallelujah " i shouted . By that time i didn 't know what i felt , but i knew i was angry at myself ( as usual . . . this happens every time ) for being such a loyal customer to Starcomms . Though renewing my monthly subscription didn 't make that much sense because the internet hardly worked but i kept having faith that the service will get better thereby throwing money away , unfortunately it only got worse . In this new age where many internet providers have sprung up , i wonder what a company like Starcomms that has been in the telecommunications indusPosted by I am very loyal and faithful when it comes to choosing a hairdresser . I am also used to having a special bond with whoever does my hair ; this is why I try to stick to getting my hair done in one place . My loyalty led me to tolerating and accepting a lot of rubbish from my salon in the name of loyalty . . . let me just sugar coat it and simply say nowadays their service can be appalling and by appalling i mean terribly bad . . . I had planned to get my hair done on this particular Monday but unfortunately i was informed that my salon would be closed for the day . Immediately , i felt distressed , i couldn 't imagine where else i could get my hair done . I explained my trouble to my friend and she immediately recommended her salon , still i was reluctant . My friend called her hairdresser when she was unable to reach him she sent him a bb message and he responded almost instantly that he was at church . He promised to call her back as soon as he was done which he did . My friend told him about me , immediately he booked me in for an appointment for the following day and even gave me a discount . The following day when i got to Strands ( the salon my friend recommended ) , i was so warmly welcomed that i actually felt i was mistaken for a celebrity . I introduced myself and I was immediately given a seat , towel around my neck and nicely the service commenced . I kept wowing and whoaing and couldn 't stop sending my friend messages telling her that i felt i was in paradise . The hairstylist offered me everything ( from snacks to drinks ) and refused to let me rest until i accepted to have some lunch . I felt so comfortable that for the first time i wasn 't in a rush to go home . Everything started with please and of course a smile . Washing my hair felt so good i almost fell asleep with my head in the sink , the girl who took over was good too she kept on assuring me that my hair was fantastic but that didn 't stop her from confirming that I was okay with what she was doing . By the time i was done with my hair , i had a huge smile on my face . I lPosted by Tantalizers is a fast food restaurant in Nigeria , though it has been in existence for over 10 years , it has never appealed to me as a place to get some food or snacks , drinks ? Maybe but not food or snacks . On this particular Tuesday after praying so hard at church , my cousin , her friend and i decided to pop into tantalizers since it was just below where we had the church program . The aroma of the food had been disturbing and interrupting my thoughts throughout our prayer meeting and even though i wasn 't a big fan of tantalizers i was excited when my cousin suggested we got a drink from there on our way out . We walked into the restaurant and to my greatest surprise it looked very appealing and clean , the food displayed was indeed tantalizing . My cousin immediately told me about their sausage rolls which she said tasted good and i thought " yup i did try it " . Everything was going well until we decided that we were too hungry to wait and would like to start eating our food , at least some out of it while the rest got scanned or quickly scan the ones we were ready to eat while we waited for the rest . You need to have been there to see how this lady looked at us as if we were not human beings , she almost snatched the food from us and beat us up . While she was acting like a dog , her colleague was acting like a wilder animal to another customer almost biting her face off . At this point all i wanted to do was to leave and i said to myself " I should have known better " . I left the restaurant trying to figure out what was behind the sales attendants ' attitude and why they frowned their faces at us as if we were disturbing their quite time . My experience negatively affected the taste of the freshly baked sausage roll i bought . I decided I 'd like to visit tantalizers again , well . . not because their service was great but because i wanted to observe the attitude of those sales attendants once more . I tried to convince myself that on this particular day i visited , the attendants got dumped by their boyfriends . My secondPosted by Browns is this very comfortable cafe / restaurant in GRA I stumbled upon in January when my friends and I were looking for a place to hangout . Ooh I loved it , they had this section with comfortable sofas , nice paintings and throw pillows , you and your friends can sit in there all afternoon stuffing your face with food , gossiping or doing some work . The ambiance was very good though because of my " diet " I didn 't have anything to eat . My friends enjoyed their food . I noticed that there was a waiter waiting on us through out our stay , which I really liked . A month later I was back there for my sister 's surprise birthday party , we sat in that same nice room with the same efficient waiter waiting on us . We ordered our food and it came on time , we were treated with respect even though at some point I realised the waiter was addressing us as " Aunty " . The manger came in to give us yummy chocolate cakes on the house . It was a good one . The service was fabulous . The next time my sister visited there for another birthday party , the service was very good but the food tasted stale . I wondered why ? ? ? The answer jumped at me , one night when my friend and I drove to browns and arrived at their gate at 8 : 10pm only to be bounced by a security officer . " Why ? " We asked , confused . Politely he explained that Browns was NOT closed , in fact they open till 10pm , but for security reasons we couldn 't get in after 8pm . Looking in their parking lot there were only about 2 cars in there . Now why wouldn 't their food taste stale ? its a great place that newly opened not very well known yet therefore they don 't get that much customers . So why can 't they be a tiny bit more flexible ? I liked their customer service and I have to say that their apple pie and ice cream was heaven ! ! . Though I can understand their plight on the on - going security issues In Nigeria , but there must be a way to deal with it without losing customers or serving stale food . . |
A couple of things I 'd like to zip on here while I have a few minutes to spare . First , I hope that everyone has had a great holiday season so far and played safely . I 'm looking forward to seeing all of my present friends and making some new ones in 2012 . So don 't go and do anything goofy to ruin that . Okay ? Secondly , a quick heads up that both of my lads presently have very nice and polite girlfriends that Cheryl and I like very much . Thumbs up to T and B . Well done . I 'm betting that I will be mentioning this again at some point in the future . On December 10 my grandmother ( who we have always known as Granny ) turned 100 years old ! ! Do you believe that ? She is the oldest person I have ever known . Co - incidentally , she also happens to be one of the people that I have known the longest . : ) She 's in great shape too . We had a nice family gathering at a small restaurant in the Village of Gagetown . Family came in from the U . S . and Ontario for the lunch . The local MLA presented Granny with a letter from himself as well as the premier of New Brunswick and other members of government . It was really very nice . We all had a nice time and Granny was delighted to have us all together . Finally , a couple of posts ago I talked about B 's paper route and that we were required to insert the mounds of flyers into the papers from now on . I made a mistake . Oops . Last week the papers rolled in on Thursday and I was surprised to see that the flyers were already in place . I mentioned it to Cheryl and she told me that we only had to insert them for a couple of weeks before Christmas . It 's back to normal now . Darn , we were starting to make plans on what to spend that extra dollar a week on . I stand corrected . Stay well , play safely , and Happy New Year ( in case I don 't talk to you before then ) . Tim This isn 't a happy one . If you proceed to read it I apologize now . If you don 't read it that 's okay . I understand . One of the many difficult tasks of dealing with my mother and sister 's passing three years ago has been going through so many of mom 's things . The " things " haven 't been too bad I guess . They 're pretty simple . Either it 's something that we can use , I can give to someone else to use , or throw away . The real crusher has been going through the multitude of photo albums that mom had . It 's almost like mom had an obsession with photos . Every time she went on a trip she returned with rolls and rolls of film to be processed . She had them all developed and then put every picture in photo albums . When she was done showing friends and family the photos she would put the album ( s ) in their storage spot with the multitude of other albums . I 'm quite positive that they were never looked at again until I inherited them . I should mention that they are certainly not all holiday snaps . I 've been surprised to find plenty of family pictures that I had either never seen or had just forgotten about . Most of these photo albums were put in a huge Rubbermaid storage container but there were others in boxes as well . I brought them back to New Brunswick a few years ago in a rented trailer along with lots of other things . When I began going through these things I accepted the reality that I would have to be ruthless . Unfortunately my nature is to hoard things . I had not really realized that I had some of this characteristic until I watched the show " Hoarders " on TV . I 'm not as bad as the folks on that show but many times I find myself sympathizing and understanding what the hoarders on the show are feeling . As I looked at the pile of mom 's photo albums I accepted that there was no way possible that we could keep all of them . Disposal was necessary . I decided that unless a photo had mom or anyone else that I cared about in it it went into the trash . It was impressive how well I did . I loaded up an entire garbage bag with photos of scenes thatPosted by This is rather amusing and I wanted to share it . As many of you know , our son B started a newspaper route almost a year ago . It 's delivered every day except Sundays and Christmas Day . It 's been going pretty well and he and I have the routine down to a science . His route isn 't in our neighbourhood so I drive him over and we do it together . I wake up at 6 : 15 and go outside to get the newspaper bundle while he gets dressed and ready to go . The papers usually arrive sometime before we get up . I say " usually " but not always . There have been a few instances that they have been two hours late . We were told in the beginning that the customers are to have their papers delivered before 7 a . m . Gotcha . I put the bundle on the kitchen table and cut the plastic straps holding the bundle . By this time B has come into the kitchen . Some of the customers like to have their paper in plastic bags while most do not . I hold the bag and B rolls the paper small enough to fit into it . Then we 're ready to go . Since the start of B 's paper career , Thursday has been a dreaded day for us . That 's flyer day and the papers are sometimes almost twice as fat as a regular day . That 's okay though and not a big deal . For the past few weeks the flyers have been huge and almost twice as thick as the newspaper itself ! I 'm assuming that this is due to the Christmas season being upon us . Up until recently the papers had come bundled as usual with the flyers already within the papers . However , a few weeks ago the newspaper publisher sent out an announcement that the flyers would no longer be inside the papers and would be in their own bundles . The carriers were now required to insert them into the papers . But , it was going to be worth their while . The publisher was going to pay the carriers a little extra for their efforts on flyer day . I thought okay , it 's a bit of a pain but as long as he was to get some extra moolah for it , I 'm good with that . I 'll tell you though . The last couple of weeks have been crazy with the size and number of flyers . The person who delivers Posted by I recently read an article on being a thankful parent of twins . The American Thanksgiving is coming up this weekend and being thankful is a common theme throughout the internet these days . There were a several areas where our experiences differed as the article was written from a mother 's perspective but all in all it pretty well nailed down my feelings too . The author mentioned many things that twins share including their birthdays . One major difference of our situation to the article is that our guys do NOT share the same birthday . T was born before midnight on April 17 and B was delivered after midnight on April 18 . It 's not a common thing for twins but one that we have been very happy about . For their whole lives we have strived to highlight the boys ' individuality . We haven 't dressed them alike or tried to make them appear the same as many parents of multiples do . They 're not the same . They are their own person and having different birthdays is another fantastic way to show that . To this day I still have people that are surprised when I tell them even though the boys look alike , they are very different in many many ways . It 's funny but when the boys were babies I had someone argue with me that they were not twins because of having different birthdays . Needless to say I didn 't bother arguing very long with that kind of logic . I just left that chap to think as he wishes . One point mentioned that twins have a special bond even though they will inevitable squabble with each other . Man , do I ever understand this one . Sometimes the bickering makes me crazy and I can 't ever imagine that they will EVER stop going at each other . Then they do something awesome like make a funny video together as they did this past weekend which shows me that when they DO settle in and work together they can do magic . Another great example is when they both go down into their music room to play together . T on the piano and B on the drums . Unfortunately these sessions usually only last for a couple of minutes before artistic differences put anPosted by This is the passage that I read today at the New Maryland Remembrance Day service . It 's quite short but to me it says everything . Councilor McCaie - Burke read the same passage in French . In Memoriam read by Councillors Tim Scammell & Gisèle McCaie - Burke " With pride and gratitude we remember our Comrades who , serving in the Canadian and Allied Armed Forces , made the supreme sacrifice for Sovereign and Country . Others of our Comrades we remember with deep affection who , since their return to Canada , have been called to Higher Service . " It was raining a fair amount and was chilly but thankfully it wasn 't very windy as the forecast had called for . This was the last service that I read as a Councillor . For a while anyway . I was very impressed by the large number of people who ignored the elements to attend . We will not forget those who served and sacrificed for us . Stay well , Tim Ever since the United States changed the rules for Canadians to cross the border I had intended to get myself an updated passport . One day someone mentioned something called a " Nexus " card which is supposed to be like a passport for travel between Canada and the US and was cheaper than a passport . Several months ago I looked into it and decided to go for it . I filled out the online application and waited for the initial application approval . When that was completed a few weeks later I went online to book an appointment for my interview at one of the border crossing locations listed . The Houlton , Maine location was the closest to me a short distance from Woodstock , NB . I work in Woodstock . It would have been convenient to book the appointment on a workday and take my lunch hour for it but it worked out the closest appointment fell during the week that I had booked vacation time . Oh well . On the day of my interview B and I headed out fairly early for the 1 1 / 4 hour drive to the Houlton customs office for my interview . B wanted to come along for the ride to keep me company . I was pleasantly surprised at how friendly and helpful the young lady at the front desk was . I was equally impressed by the friendliness of the officer who conducted the actual interview too . He was quite easy going and the interview went very well . At the end he asked me if B was there for an interview too . He told me that kids under 18 can get a Nexus card for free if a parent has one . That 's a pretty sweet deal . Additionally , once my guys have cards they can use them as official photo ID . When I got home I headed to the web site and filled out the initial applications for both boys . We were hoping that perhaps we could have the process done in decent time and be able to hop over to Maine for a day trip while it was still summer but as it worked out the initial conditional approval didn 't arrive until almost a month and a half later . From there I needed to go to the web site and book an appointment for their interviews . We preferred not to have thePosted by I know many bloggers don 't like to quote or refer to newspapers or other media sources but I make exceptions when I 'm the one being written about . I don 't think the Gleaner would mind since I have praise for them in this post . A couple of weeks ago I was contacted by Heather McLaughlin of the Daily Gleaner to talk about my last blog . She had a couple of questions about my decision to not seek re - election in the spring . We spoke for a few minutes and I left it to fate to see how it would play out . ( You recall that in the past some news sources have taken my words and I haven 't always come out looking so well . ) I was very pleased when I saw this in the Gleaner on Monday October 10 . Heather did a very nice job of keeping the details of our conversation short and sweet to which I am thankful . Here is a link to it . Gleaner article If for some reason the link above doesn 't work I have copied and pasted it here as well . Scammell won 't reofferPublished Monday October 10th , 2011 By HEATHER MCLAUGHLINNew Maryland Coun . Tim Scammell says he has decided not to reoffer when municipal elections roll around next spring . Scammell said he 's enjoyed his experience on council . " I would encourage anyone to offer themselves for public office , but I really recommend that they evaluate the time commitment and determine if it fits into their lives or not , " Scammell said . The married father of twin boys , who will be 14 by the time May elections roll around , said he wants to spend more time with them during their teenage years . Scammell said he wanted to make his intentions known early so that anyone interested in running in the next municipal election has a headstart . " I know of a couple of guys who have expressed their interest in it and if they do , it will be great . It would be an awesome council if they got on , " he said . Scammell said he 'd be happy to share his thoughts with any candidates who want to know what the job of councillor entails , and he 's not ruling out a return to local politics if the timing is right . This appeared in the Comments Posted by To many this isn 't news since I made this decision several weeks ago . I haven 't kept it a secret but I figured that I should say something publicly . There 's no better place to do so than right here where people can see it . This decision has actually been brewing in my mind for a pretty long time . In my July 21st post I referred to the Council meeting of that week . Specifically a member of the public who showed up and was somewhat annoying . What I didn 't mention was that to be at that Council meeting I had to leave my sons ' baseball game in the second inning . As I sat in the meeting listening to that gentleman a nagging thought in my head was saying " I am missing my boys ' baseball game for this " . That wasn 't the first time I had heard that thought . I 'll admit that I 've been pretty lucky in my term on Council as far as schedule conflicts . Usually these things have worked out pretty well . However , there have been several occasions that I have missed a game due to a meeting . I won 't blame New Maryland Council for all that I 've missed . I missed T 's very first hockey goal several years ago to be at a meeting of NBSCETT Council . I was the president at the time . ( I 'm not currently involved with NBSCETT Council . ) I still feel the sting of that day . I remember clearly when my cell phone rang during the meeting . I excused myself to take the call . It was T calling to tell me that he scored his very first goal that day . I was so damn proud of him and announced it to everyone at the meeting that my son had scored his first goal . An awesome feeling and a terrible feeling at the same time . I wasn 't there when he scored the goal . Honestly , I don 't know how my boys feel when I wave goodbye to them while they are on the ball diamond or hockey rink in the middle of a game . If you were to ask them they would probably tell you that it 's okay and no big deal but I 'm not sure that would be the whole truth . Do you know why I think this ? Because of the bad feeling I have in my stomach as I am waving goodbye to them while they are in the middle of a Posted by Geez . It gets to be so long between posts and there are so many things in my head that I would love to talk about . If I tried to I would be typing for days . I guess I 'll start with baseball . In my last post I referred to the boys ' upcoming year end baseball tournament that weekend . If you go back a year in this blog you 'll see that the boys took gold in the tournament by beating Minto and the kid with the rocket arm . What worked in our favour was that we had several strong pitchers and we saved my son B for the last game to seal it up . The Minto team on the other hand , only had a couple of good pitchers but the rocket kid was their strength . Last year he was used in Friday and Saturday 's games and when it came down to the final game he couldn 't play for as much of the game as if he didn 't pitch at all . This year was a different story , thanks to Mother Nature . The tournament started pretty well the same as last year with our lads walking over the competition for the first 2 days assuring their spot in the final game on Sunday . As we expected , the same team from Minto was going to be the other team . Just like last year . Our coaches had the same strategy and worked it out so that we would use my other son T and the others to pitch and save B for Sunday 's final game . If he didn 't pitch at all in any other game he was clear to pitch up to the maximum 85 pitches in the final game . If he was called in to pitch in any of the other games it would mean that his pitch limit would be reduced by half since there was not enough time to rest between games . Our advantage against Minto would be that the rocket kid would have been used either Friday or Saturday and would be limited to how many he could throw on Sunday . B was not used Friday or Saturday and was clear for Sunday . This is where Mother Nature came in and messed it up for us . Sunday was rained out so the Final game was postponed until Tuesday night . Great . All of the pitchers on boths teams had enough rest and could throw up to 85 pitches in the game . It turned out that that other Posted by Last night was supposed to be their last regular season game before the end of year tournament this weekend . But , it poured rain yesterday morning and the game was cancelled . That sucks . We have all been very disappointed when this has happened . As you know , we love our baseball and I REALLY look forward to watching my guys play . I 'm ashamed to say this but there were a couple of times that I had to leave when the game was in progress in order to be at Council related meetings . In fact , do you recall my last post ? The one about that idiot spouting off at Council about what he felt was the right way to build a road ? I didn 't mention this in the last post but what was going through my head when that goof was talking ( apart from wanting to tell him where the door was , and for him to use it right away ) was that I was sitting there listening to that rubbish while my sons were playing baseball . And that really ticked me off . The straw that broke the camel 's back and provided me with some clarity , if you will . After this entry I hope to never discuss Baker Brook ever again on this blog . This was taken directly from FOX FM News page this morning and was played on the air as I was travelling to work . " A resident of New Maryland is concerned that flooding may start on Baker Brook Court if the village keeps just a paved curb on the street instead of digging a ditch . Bela Galantai made a presentation to the council about his concern last night , he says he wanted to educate council about the problem and hopes council can look into fixing it . New Maryland Mayor Frank Dunn says he appreciates Galantai coming forward and he will take a look into his concern . " As you know , I am on New Maryland Council and happened to be there . I also have a little knowledge of details that were overlooked by the reporter on hand last night . I really don 't want to go back and detail all of the problems that have taken place with the Baker Brook project . I don 't have enough time . If you like , there 's some details here in my blog entry from last year . A little bit weary I suppose . How are you ? I accept that far less people will read this than who heard the radio news item this morning . Plus , most reading this will not have heard it or even care about what I 'm talking about . So I guess I 'm writing this as personal way to get things off my back and give some small satisfaction that ( to steal a phrase from X - Files ) " The Truth is Out There " since my local media outlets don 't appear to share my attention to detail . That 's okay . They are very busy with many things . Okay , let 's go . First of all , when the Baker Brook work was being planned as part of the larger Infrastucture project it was agreed that we should give the residents as much as we possibly can since it had been far too long since their street had been upgraded . The sanitary system upgrade was mandatory since the existing wastewater lagoon had long passed the end of its lifespan and likely become an environmental hazard . While this work was to happen the Council decided that we would go that extra milePosted by Once in a while something comes along that makes the job of being a Village Councillor truly worthwhile and worth all of the hard work . Last night was one of those occasions . I was fortunate enough to be invited to the Graduation Exercises for the Fredericton High School Class of 2011 at the Aitken Centre . I had received invitations in the last couple of years but for whatever reason was unable to attend until this year . I really didn 't know what to expect as I had not been to one of these before . Heck , I didn 't even go to my own high school graduation ceremony . Actually , when I earned my Grade 12 Diploma at A . Y . Jackson Secondary School in North York I intended on continuing on to Grade 13 the following year . The Grade 12 diploma didn 't seem like a big deal to me so I skipped the ceremony . I suppose I could say that a representative of Canada 's postal service presented me with my Grade 12 diploma . ( It came in the mail ) . I did go into Grade 13 but didn 't quite get that diploma at the end . I dropped out that year and went back the next year to try out " Grade 14 " . I didn 't get the diploma that year either . It 's a long story that I won 't bother telling right now but I WILL say that I made a lot of friends and had a very good time that year . : ) It was a weird time in my life . I 'll leave it at that . What I wasn 't expecting last night was to see a class of almost 500 kids take a very large step into their adult lives . I had no idea that there were so many ! Granted , FHS has over 1900 students in Grades 9 - 12 so I should have figured it out that about a quarter would be graduating last night . FHS websiteIt was incredible to see so many kids down there . I was in the reserved area of the stands . There were at least 1000 family members and friends filling the stands . It was almost like being at a UNB Varsity Reds game except that it was very very hot in there last night . Usually in such a situation I may try to find a way to escape and get air but last night I sat there in the heat for the whole time and applauded while every singlPosted by I 'm stuffing the blog with this post and our family is stuffing this week . We are stuffed with things to do and I really don 't think we could fit any more in . I 'm not complaining though . It 's an awesome week . I 'll start with Sunday . Even though the weather wasn 't the greatest it was a great day . Coincidentally , it was Father 's Day . I don 't think that I have mentioned this but the boys have started their summer hockey league and have already played 3 of the 10 games . I 'm the main coach of the team . This is the league that mixes all levels of boys and girls from beginner to Triple A . The biggest rule is that they have fun . Another rule that I greatly admire is that any one player is only allowed to score 3 goals in a game . If they score 4 , they get a penalty and the goal doesn 't count . Our team hasn 't started off so well . We 've actually been pounded in each game so far . We 're trying to be positive about the whole thing but I can 't help but notice how mismatched the teams are . I won 't dwell on it but there was some shiftiness when the teams were being selected by some who have been doing this for a while and enjoy winning more than some other people do . Not to worry , we were told that if the teams are eneven that there will be a realignment soon . We 'll see . Honestly ? I don 't care . I like the kids we have on our team and would prefer not to lose any of them for the sake of a few more goals . Anyhoo , the kids played a game on Sunday evening and I enjoyed it . Even though we lost . My father and step - mother made it out which was great . They are very busy folks and don 't really live very close to us so it becomes difficult for getting together . After the game the boys , Cheryl , my dad and step - mother and myself headed over to Swiss Chalet in Fredericton for a late dinner . We were pretty hungry by this time and fortunately the Father 's Day mobs were long gone when we arrived . We practically had the whole place to ourselves . Sweet . The next item of awesomeness ( awesomeality , awesomeivity ? ) is that our Baseball season started last nigPosted by I was in Fredericton the other day at lunchtime and made a detour over to the York Street Train Station / New NB Liquor Store to have a visit . I knew that not much would have changed since the last time that I was there but wanted to have a look regardless . Plus , I realized that I had not posted recent photos in a while and felt that I should . For my part and that of the Fredericton Friends of the Railway it appears that our work is done and we can all be proud of the wonderful newly spiffed - up landmark in the City of Fredericton . Still , after all these years of driving by and taking thousands of pictures of the station 's decay and feeling depressed I owe it to myself to take happy photos and feel good about the place now . So I think that I 'll probably continue this habit for a while longer . I won 't post thousands of happy photos but will store them somewhere with the others . I 've found a few of my pre - repair pictures from about 6 years ago that I 'll post for comparison purposes with the new photos . The difference is stunning . Have a look . These are the the old photos . Pretty sad , wasn 't it ? Now have a look at this . As it appears today . This will cheer you up . Awesome isn 't it ? As you see there is a little more work to be done and a few things to be tidied up . I 'm not certain what will be going on with the ground surrounding the structure but I 'm sure that it will be quite nice . If I 'm not mistaken they may be realigning the City walking trail from the far side of the property closer to the station . At least that was the plan a few years ago . One thing that I will be sure to do is to get inside at some point and take a multitude of photos . I 'll post quite a few of those . When I was there the other day the front section was locked . Not to worry . I 've waited this long . I can wait a little longer . Stay well , Tim I had to do create some kind of title to catch your attention because this entry isn 't the most exciting one I 've done . It 's kind of exciting to us though and I wanted to keep track of the progress as the summer moves along . The boys and I decided to plant a vegetable garden in our back yard . We got the idea last year when we were visiting my cousin up in Stanley , N . B . and marvelled at the amount of awesome fresh vegetables they had from their garden . We all enjoy veggies but T is a fan of onions in particular so we had to make certain that we have a lot of them . I have to ask a favour if you 're reading this . If you see something that we are doing wrong that we can fix please let me know as soon as possible . If it 's something that is too late to repair , please keep it in your head and casually mention it at the end of summer so that I can note it for next season . Thanks . : ) As I write this we have already learned an important lesson since first planting . You 'll see farther down . The plan has been in our minds all winter but I wasn 't really sure of when we were supposed to get started with the process . I grew tomatoes years ago when I lived in Ontario but that was easy . I just bought little plants that had already been started and plopped them into the ground in a garden that was already there . This project is a tad more complicated since we had to dig out a patch in our yard for it . No problem . I picked a good location with plenty of sunlight . Several weeks ago T and I were shopping and spotted a display of seeds . We bought a couple of packages of pea , carrot , cucumber , corn , and onion seeds . Then we bought one of those plastic tray things with a bunch of sections with peat disks . These things make life pretty easy for someone like me . All I had to do was add water to the tray . The peat disks absorbed the water and swelled up . I just put the seeds into the tops of the peat , closed the lid and put the tray in sunlight . And we waited . It 's a little greenhouse . Very nice . The hard part was digging out the patch of the yard for Posted by To start this one off I will have to begin by giving a short summary of some recent world events in the news . On Sunday May 15th approximately one - third the town of Slave Lake , Alberta was destroyed by a horrendous fire . The blaze originated in the forests outside of town and was pushed closer and closer to the town by winds up to 100 km / hr . Despite the best efforts of fire - fighters and civilians the perimeter of the town was breached and 95 % of the 7000 residents were forced to evacuate . By the time it was over , City Hall was burned , many businesses vanished and two hundred residences were destroyed . In the United States a wingnut named Harold Camping who is president of Family Radio , announced that the rapture and Judgment Day would take place on May 21 , 2011 at 6 p . m . He based this stupidity on his calculations and conclusions from passages in the bible . Sadly , this loon was given far too much coverage on the world stage and some folks actually felt that the Apocalypse could actually take place . Happily , here we are 3 days later . Doofus was wrong but now claims that he made an error and the event will actually occur on October 21 , 2011 . Wouldn 't it be nice if this guy had no access to media from now until then and we wouldn 't have to hear about it again in a few months ? Over this past weekend more than fifty twisters were reported across seven midwestern states in the United States . The worst hit was Joplin , Missouri where on Sunday a single twister killed at least 116 people , and the figure is expected to rise as debris is cleared . Hopefully they will find some survivors as well . This was considered to be the deadliest tornado in the United States in almost 60 years . That 's quite a bit of scariness and bad news for a short period of time isn 't it ? At what point does it become too much to bear ? When does the horror of the world smash around inside our brains and finally cause it to collapse into itself ? I remember watching the movie " The Fisher King " starring Robin Williams and Jeff Bridges and feeling so sad for RobinPosted by Today is election day across Canada . Tomorrow morning this country will either have a new Prime Minister or will return Mr . Harper to the office . Since the last election the Conservatives have been dealing with the fact that even though they have been in power , it has been with a minority rather than a majority government . Basically , this means enough seats to hold power but not enough to call all of the shots . Without getting into the whole story here we are going to the polls for the 4th federal election in seven years . No problem . We can handle that . We just do what we have to do . I 'd like to share a little story of something that I found interesting though . My wife is working today as a Deputy Returning Officer at one of the local polling stations and she is the only person other than the actual voter who is allowed to touch a ballot . Initially she had asked to work a poll and was told that a representative from Elections Canada would be in touch with her to sort out the details . A couple of weeks ago she received a call that she would not be needed to work the polls but would be a backup in case an opening came up . A few days later she had another call advising that she was needed and was to attend a training session for DRO 's and polling clerks . So far , so good . She attended the training . As far as she knew the next thing she would be required to do was to show up on election day at the polling station and get to work . Last Friday evening a lady from Elections Canada called to speak to Cheryl . She wasn 't home so I took a message and she called this lady back . She was surprised to learn that she was required to go to a building in Knowledge Park in Fredericton to pick up a box . No - one had told her about this before this call . What would have happened if we had been away for the weekend and missed this call ? We had some running around to do in town and stopped in to pick up this box . It turns out that the box contained 500 ballots as well as a voters list among other things . I wasn 't able to see exactly what was in there Posted by I have wanted to do this one for ages but was waiting for the right time to do it . Now is that time . You 'll see why when you get to the end . This is about the greatest rock band in the world , RUSH , and how my life has passed through the years along with them . That 's where the Time Machine title idea came from . One day in 1975 as I was walking home I noticed an old record player in someone 's garbage . I don 't know if it was just because I was 12 years old or that I had a hunch that this record player may still work but I decided to bring it home with me . My family had an 8 - track player and I had a cassette recorder / player but we didn 't have a record player . As such we had no need for vinyl record albums in the house . I had won a Bobby Sherman vinyl album at a School Safety Patrol Christmas party . It had never been played before and even though it wasn 't my choice of music to listen to , it would suit the purpose of seeing if my new / old record player worked . I discovered that the record player " worked " perfectly in that it played the music . The only thing was that when I touched the center post or any metal part of the player I got an electric shock . I suppose that would explain why it was in the garbage but I overlooked that and had myself a new record player / wakeup device . Soon afterwards I decided to take a trip down to the local public library and check out the assortment of LP 's that were available to sign out . This seems so bizarre to think that the North York Public Library could be a source of discovering the music of the day but they were up to date and anyone with a library card could sign out the albums of their choice . I can still clearly visualize going through the records and stopping at RUSH - Fly By Night . This was the second album put out by the boys and the first with the " new guy " Neil Peart who replaced John Rutsey as the drummer and lyric writer . I had never heard of these guys before but the cover of this album was so cool with a big snowy owl coming right out of the picture at me . I had to check this Posted by |
My name is Ellie . I am a rather tubby calico who has a very nice mom and 4 heathen cat brothers . Sigh . And 2 heathen dog brothers . sigh . . . . . . . . Hmmm , interesting stuff . Mom cleaned ! No , that isn 't rare . Our house is usually pretty darned clean . Mom doesn 't really like a messy house . At least all the stuff was picked up . We all slept late Saturday morning . Mom didn 't want to get out of bed . Even though she had some weird ass dreams . Something about moving into a HUGE warehouse with a bunch of water around it . And kittens . Of course Mom SAVED the kittens . The water thing of course freaked her out . I wasn 't there to protect her even . Anyway , it was later than usual , Mom wasn 't getting up . Robin , omg , Robin came into MY bedroom and mewed at me . Who the hell does he think he is anyway ? Like he belongs here ? I hissed at him to put him in his place . Bastard ! I do not like him at all . At least he doesn 't try to hump me but really , he was in MY BEDROOM . Hermie was being all cute the other night . Look at those TOES ! oooo , Mom was in her car today and looked at the windshield in just the right light and saw kitty foot prints ! Louie ! He is the one that was in the garage so Mom knows it was him . Silly boy . Mom is going to join me for a nap ! Oh wait , she isn 't ? She is going to nap in the front room with the heathens . Oh well , I don 't want to share the bed with her anyway . Mom made some sangria ( now that she can have alcohol since her antibiotics are done ) and is going to make chicken cordon bleu and twice baked potatoes for dinner . Fancy shmancy . I want my tablespoon of gooshy food . I don 't need no stinking fancy food , just stinky gooshy foods . Oh no ! I kissed Louie last night and Mom saw me . Then I pretended to hit him . Mom giggled at me when I did that . I thought I was being sneaky but nooooo , I was being watched . Then Mom was on the phone with someone and I figured she was talking to me so I was rolling around , being cute . Mom was touching me and I started growling . Mom stopped touching me and I continued to roll around and fell off the bed . Mom couldn 't laugh cause she didn 't want her friend to think she was totally weird . She is weird but doesn 't need to have it spread around . And she has been thinking about what was said to her yesterday about the job . She thinks that if it was bad , they would have said ' we are not going to be filling any positions now and we don 't want to talk to you ' but instead she heard ' there have been some changes in the office and I would like to talk to you about it ' . Mom 's sister says ' sounds very strong ' . I think so too . So does Mom 's friend she talked to last night . He is in her corner , wants her employed , says she has been out too long and needs to work ! Bastard , we want Mom at home ! Oh well , we know , she has to be employed to keep us in our noms . Mom told us kitties that when that lady Linda comes to visit , that we have to be on our best behavior . I say NO . Oh wait , I will be hiding under Mom 's bed . The only way Linda will see me is if she crawls down on the floor and looks and sees all the cat toys and dust bunnies under the bed . Mom won 't let her do that ! I am pretty sure that this is how the boys will behave : Robin will be curious , probably will be friendly with the lady . Hermie will be cautious , just in case the lady is mean . And Louie will throw himself on the floor and expose his tummy for rubs . Louie , in case you didn 't know , is a slut for tummy rubs . Mom got an envelope from Wilbur and Orville 's Mom . Louie says it has the most AWESOME cat smells . He has decided that the papers are his . ooooo , look , Hermie butt ! He is so darned cute , even his butt is cute ! Mom said I did good by putting out pictures of her pet friends of the past . She loved them all . Just like she loves us . Grandma and Grandpa did good with Mom and her brother and sister . They all love us furkids . Thanks Grandma and Grandpa , for raising them right . So , things are still going on here . Mom is smiling . She said ' 2nd interview ! ! ! ' I do not know what that means , even though Mom explained it to me . . . something about ' getting a job , not being home , more kibble ' . Oh , I like that last one . Not sure about the other two . I do hope the job happens . It would be a whole lot of work for her but damn , we need kibble here ! Nah , we are not suffering . Mom always makes sure we kitties have our kibble , gooshy foods , treats , fresh litter . And lots of love . That is the best part . No wait , kibble , gooshy foods and treats are the best part . Fresh litter is good . Then all that love stuff . So yesterday I showed more pictures of kitties past . Today , something different . Doggies ! This is Priscilla . Her Mom was Teena and her Dad was the Pomeranian down the street , Wilfred . Helen really loved Prissy . Prissy died the winter of 1979 after being hit by a car in front of the house ( in a blizzard ) . Mom ran out to pick her up ( mom was bare footed but didn 't care ) and Prissy was in such pain , she bit Mom . Mom didn 't care . She took Prissy back in the house . Nothing could be done to save her . Grandma grieved . Mom knew who hit her , she went to school with him and let the ass have it when school was back in session and never spoke to him again . He was speeding , in a subdivision , in the middle of a blizzard , knew he hit a dog but left . Bastard . This is Tracy , Mom 's dog . She was part husky and something . Mom got her when she was in 5th grade and took thru 4H training and the fair . At the 4H fair , Mom and Tracy were in the obedience ring and Tracy was at a sit and stay . She didn 't , she took off across the ring . Mom grabbed hold of her neck and was dragged across the ring . From what she was told , Grandpa jumped a 6 foot fence ( it was 18 inches ) to get to Mom and the crowd gasped ( I guess they did ) . Tracy got a white ribbon for that . But she got a red ribbon in the show ring . Tracy loved Mom and was very protective of her . She didn 't like anyone making Mom upset . She also didn 't like when Grandpa hugged Grandma . Good doggie . This is Mom and Tracy . Oh my . Look at Tracy . She is skinny and young . hmmm , that other pictures she is chunkier but that is about 2 years later . And look at Mom ! Oh a later picture of Mom and Tracy . And Grandma 's finger . What the heck ? A birthday party for dogs ? How stoopid ! Mom as a little girl and the dog is Teena . She was a rat terrier mix and very smart . I don 't think dogs are smart but this one , I guess she was smart . Oh , Mom and Tracy again . This was when Tracy was still very young . Mom was pretty young too . Only elebenty years old . I sure am going thru old pictures lately . It is fun to see though . Now of course , I am off for my early afternoon nap . And I hear Mom is going to go for a long walk again . Something about ' fat ass ' . Posted by We had bad storms here last night . Lots of wind and rain . We are all fine . The tree lost some little twigs but it is still standing . It is BIG tree . I 'd never climb it . Mostly cause it is outside . Outside is very bad . It was an exciting day yesterday . Sort of . Mom was sitting at her desk in the office and she heard a loud sound . Something falling . She went looking . And saw that the door to the garage was open . It could only mean one thing . LOUIE ! Yup , he had been out there . He got up on something and knocked it down . It wasn 't a big deal . But Mom was not happy he was out there . She wants the garage to be off limits to us kitties . You know what happens to us kitties when a door is shut and we aren 't allowed in there . We want to go out there MORE cause obviously there is cool stuff in that room . I don 't of course , cause I am an angel and never do anything wrong . Mostly . Mom enjoyed putting out pictures yesterday of Pepsi , Nikki and Rocky . They sound like good kitties . Oh look , a picture of Mom from 1983 . She knows this because Misty was a baby then . The dog she is holding is Dino . This is a picture of Simone and 2 of her kids . Simone is the lilac point . PB ( Pretty Boy ) is the darker kitty and I think other one is Bambi . This is a picture from 1969 . Mom lived in a red house ! Simone and a bunch of her kids . She looks like she was a good mom to her kits . She had it easy . Herman and Helen made sure she was safe and had food . No , the kitties did not live outside , they were just out for some fresh air . More of Simone 's offspring . She had lots of meezer babies . All those kittens . . . so cute . This is Simone . Mom says that Simone was a papered Siamese kitty . She came to live with Mom and the rest of them when Mom 's sister had a baby . Her sister 's mother - in - law was silly and thought that Simone would hurt the new baby so Simone came to live with Mom . She was supposed to be Mom 's 8th birthday present , unfortunately , Simone didn 't like Mom so much ( what cat does like an 8 year old little girl ! ) . Simone instead loved Mom 's brotheNow I am back to rest . Posted by Oh boy ! We are supposed to have weather today . It is very breezy outside right now . And they said something about possible hail and tornadoes . I don 't know what either of those are but Mom said ' shit ' . Seems she knows what those things are . . . she grew up in Nebraska and knows those things . She also knows what snow is but that is a winter thing up north . We don 't live there , thankfully . They can keep snow ! Mom had a rough nights sleep . Not sure what was going on but she tossed and turned all night . She had nightmares too , about that old job place and being on call . Shibbers . . . . I know she hated it . Thankfully she is home with us kitties for now . She will work again . I am ready for her to get out of here . I 'm not napping near enough . Oh this is an old picture . These handsome boys were Mom 's kitties when she was a teenager . Pepsi and Nikki . Pepsi was a lost kitty that they adopted and Nikki was Mom 's baby . Gorgeous kitties . Nikki liked to wander the neighborhood and got hit by a car . He dragged himself home to be with Mom . They tried to save him , took him to an emergency vet but he passed away . Pepsi was an older kitty when he was found . He lived till 1990 , to close to 20 years old . Ooooooo , a baby Nikki ! What a cute little kitty . Nikki and Pepsi were good cats . They slept with Mom , just like I do . But they had to share her . I don 't ! For kitties that did not grow up together , these boys were very close . After Nikki died , Mom 's brother and sister - in - law gave her Rocky , to help ease the loss . Rocky 's name was Rickie and Mom couldn 't deal with that so she changed his name to Rocky . Rocky adored Mom 's Mom . He wasn 't that thrilled with Mom . Here is a photo of Pepsi and Rocky in their golden years . Pepsi is close to 20 years old by now , has no teeth , wants to sleep under a heat lamp . Rocky has had to take female hormones to stop his humping of Pepsi . Do you know what happens when a boy kitty takes girl kitty hormones ? He got FAT ! And he no longer humped Pepsi . pssst , Mom , you might want to think about that for Louie . ( well , crap , Mom says no ! ) Rocky passed away in the 90 's before Bob appeared in the house . He continued to love Grandma and Grandma loved him . wow , we went down memory lane today . I guess kitties and doggies have been a big part of Mom 's life . She wishes there were pictures of her horse someplace , but none ! I don 't think he existed . Nope . I better get back to my sleep , looking at old pictures made me feel extra special to be with Mom . Know that she has this relationship with her kitties really makes me feel special . We all had a good day yesterday . The heathens got some patio time and I was safe in Mom 's bedroom . Now if Mom would only open that door on the patio to the backyard . . . . my troubles would be out of here ! But alas , she says ' heathens are here forever ' . Well , shit . Last night Mom went out in the front room again to see Robin . Robin was in the cat cave so Mom just sat on the couch . It took the heathen 2 minutes to get up on the couch with her . He even went over and walked across her lap ! Mom says ' progress , we have a little progress ' . I think we have a gray and white heathen . Mom didn 't work out yesterday , instead she shredded stuff . My mom is weird , she doesn 't want us kitties shredding things but it is fine and dandy for her to be doing it . But all that is done and her tax stuff is gathering . Mom is weird ! ! ! I just have to say that , I love her but she is weird ! She says she is going to work out today . Good , your ass is getting fat mom ! Get off of it and make it smaller . Mom isn 't fat but she could stand to lose a few pounds . We kitties totally support her in this endeavor . I gotta tell ya about my dream last night . I dreamt I was a butterball turkey ! I was wrapped up in Mom 's arms but I was a butterball turkey . I am not sure what that means . . . . . I 'm sure there is some deep psychological meaning . Really , it was Mom who dreamt she had her arms around a butterball turkey but really it was ME ! ! It totally made her smirk in the middle of the night . I was happy , I had Mom 's arms around me , it is the safest place a kitty can be . OK , I need to get back to my beauty rest . I 'll see you cats later ! Dear Bastet ! The horror ! I feel much disgust . Here 's the deal . Last night , bedtime , I went out into the front room the glare at Robin . I am good at it . Anyway , Mom comes out and sees me and ignores me . She sat down on the couch were Robin was sleeping and started talking to him a little bit . Robin took that as an invitation to KNEAD ON MY MOM ! He was so happy , kneading away on Mom 's tummy and occasionally a boob . He was drooling . Mom had heathen drool on her ! And get this , Mom was happy ! I was disgusted . I cannot believe that his filthy heathen paws were on MY MOM ! Mom is feeling much better . I know that I am glad for that . The heathens , doubtful that they care . Oh yes , they may think she is good , she gives them gooshy foods and lets them out on the patio but they don 't get to sleep with her . neener neener Mom also got her hair trimmed yesterday . She is growing it out . And while that happens , it needs to be trimmed to not look awful . She came home with one those bumpits things on her head , we all laughed . Thankfully when Mom washed it this morning that was gone . I heard her fussing about health insurance too . She got 4 bills on Friday . Two each from two different insurance companies . Yeah , that is fun . She had to make sure that she pays the right one . Yup , she is . Even better , it is less expensive than the other one . Mom is happier . She said ' $ 102 is way better than $ 170 ' . Well , of course it is Mom . We kitties know that . Means more gooshies and kibble for us . Vacuuming and moping and laundry are happening today . Nope , I won 't do a lick of that . Mom has to do it all ! I 'm going to rest . I 'll let the heathens help mom Oh cats ! We kitties were really worried about Mom yesterday . She got really sick . She had to go to the doctor lady even . Found out she had not only a UTI but a bladder infection . Sheesh ! So now Mom knows what I felt like and what Robin felt like . The doctor lady told Mom she caught it early and that Mom must read . mmm , yes , Mom likes to read lots of different information . She is edumacated even ! We all knew she wasn 't feeling good when she went to bed at 4pm . She didn 't really sleep but Louie , Hermie and I all layed down with her to give her good vibes . Once she rested a bit and got some food in her , she was better . And do you know what she ate ? She got chicken fingers ( chickens have fingers ! ! ! ) and a vanilla milk shake . Mom couldn 't cook so she went to the drive thru and got bad food . Everything smelled really yummy and we kitties were swarming hoping for some . But we didn 't get any of it ! Bitch ! And then I got to sleep with Mom last night too ! She barely moved but I kept checking on her to make sure she was breathing . I understand she had some strange dreams . Even had a dream with Wraggs in it . Today she is MUCH better . Whew . I 'm glad . I hate a sick Mom . Oh man , Robin is talking back at Mom . Bad boy ! We got lots of rain again last night and this morning . Hermie has no problem with the water , he actually LIKES it . So life is better today . Mom is feeling better and finally did the dishes ( good Bastet , do the dishes Mom ! ! ! ) I am resting my gorgeous self and will make an appearance in the house later . Posted by I am full of surprises . I really shocked Mom last night . See , I rarely get up on things . I rarely leave my bedroom , it is safe in there and I like it in there . Well , last night at bedtime I wasn 't in the bedroom with Mom . I needed to explore and spread my wings a bit . Mom came out looking for me in the usual places . She even turned on the light . I wasn 't on the floor under the coffee table . I wasn 't on the couch . I wanted to see different things . So I did this . I got on the kitchen table ! ! ! I didn 't use the chair to help me even . I JUMPED ! Yes , I am tubby but I have been watching my calories and sleeping lots ( that is exercise ) . Obviously this is helping me . Mom stood there and kept taking pictures . Mom , I think you need to take the bucket for dog food out of the house now . We don 't have a doggie anymore . oooo , look , I found some kitty snacks on the table ! This is AWESOME ! Oh , look at my pretty colors ! I was thinking of getting into the window but Mom said no . So I finally jumped off the table and ran into the bedroom to be with Mom . It was an excellent adventure ! Well , crap , Mom doesn 't feel good . She thinks she has a UTI . She is going to the doctor . I hope they don 't poke her too much . Mom is smart though , she recognized that she has the signs . And thankfully she can get into the doctor early this afternoon . I know what they feel like , I had one before and it HURT . I 'm just thankful that Mom got me to the doctor and helped me . I 'm sure the doctor will help Mom . I see lots of cranberry juice and water in Mom 's future . I just don 't want to see her crying in the bathroom . Still napping . . . . I bet Mom will be joining me after her doctor appointment . I 'm sorry I didn 't write yesterday . Mom had other things going on and couldn 't help me . I 'll tell you later what went on with her . It is kind of exciting . I 'm doing really well , getting lots of rest ( I slept right next to Mom last night again , that is the best ) , I 'm eating well ( Mom found me in the kitchen eating some of Robin 's kibble again and said she is going to have to move it where I won 't eat it , dammit ! ) . Of course the heathens are still here . Bane of my existence but they are here . So why didn 't I write yesterday ? Mom had an appointment . And INTERVIEW even . She was excited about it , scared about it , nervous about it . She thinks it went well . Cross your paws for Mom please , we want her to get a job even if it does mean she won 't be home with us kitties all day long and she might have to travel to foreign places . Mom had a friend over last evening and Louie was being his usual intrusive self , getting in the way of things , looking at stuff . Mom kept saying ' Louie , get down , Louie , stop that ' . Mom 's friend said that he LIKED the skinny cat . LIKED LOUIE ? ? I ask you , what could anyone see in that , that , that HEATHEN ! I don 't see it . Of course no one but Mom and the vet have ever really seen me . I hide when someone comes to the door . I only like Mom . She isn 't scary , strangers are scary , even if Mom likes them , they are scary . But someone likes Louie . sheesh . Hey , if someone likes Louie , Mom , you can give Louie to them ! Well , crap . Mom said no can do . Louie stays here cause she LOVES him . I don 't . I think that is much more important . My needs and wants really must be met . No , this is not a new kitty in the house . This is Gypsy , one of the kitties that live with Mom 's brother and his family . Gypsy is like me . SHE IS TOO ! She was an outside kitty who they rescued . The rescue thing is rampant in this family . On a sad note , on of the ladies that Mom knows from a message board ( she has known her for almost 10 years now I think ) , had to have her kitty , Hannah , put to sleep on Monday . Hannah was a rescue too . The nice lady who saved her life rescued her from a bad situation and helped her when she was sick . Hannah had a cancerous leg so it had to be amputated . Hannah bePosted by Here we are at another Monday . I hate Mondays . I am not sure why but everyone else does so I figured I must hate them too ! I don 't see any difference to any other day . My job is the same every day . Snuggle with Mom . Nibble kibble . Nap . It is raining here today . Mom got out of the house for a bit and it rained on her . She didn 't melt so whatever you thought of her , she is not a witch and does not melt in the rain . We need the rain and none of us need to go out in it so it can rain all day ! Hermie showing off his long legs . And his thumbs . I 'm kind of surprised he isn 't in Mom 's purse . Robin is in LOVE with the catnip plant . Better the plant than me . I cannot stand that heathen , I don 't even have to see him and I grumble . Mom took me into the front room last night at bedtime and sat on the couch with me . I hissed and growled and was not a happy girl . Robin was in one of the cat caves and wasn 't doing anything to me but I just think he is horrible and refuse to be nice . Louie has grown into a handsome heathen . I hate him . Oh , I just want to kiss that nose . Isn 't cute ? yeah , I would stick my tongue out too if Mom put her finger in my face . yewwwwwwwwwwwwwww What ? ? ? ? Me in a sexy pose ? Not really , I am trying to sleep and Mom intruded . I LOVE this blankie , it is very soft and kneadable . OK , the rain is getting to me , I am going to nap . I hope tomorrow it is sunny . Well , crap , I didn 't get a chance to write a post yesterday . I was busy you see . Busy . Napping . Yes , that makes me busy . Look that up in your Funk and Wagnalls . Napping = busy . Mom is doing OK . She is bit stressed about stuff . I don 't ask , but I know she is . I 'm doing my best to make her comfortable . I make sure she gets plenty of sleep . The exercise thing I don 't do so she is on her own with that . I do not do exercise . OMC , I cannot get rest with these things around . Yes , this is the bathtub . There is a reason for this . Mom got in the habit back with Misty was alive . Misty was old . He would forget where the litter box was and pee just any old place . Mom didn 't like that her stuff would be peed on so she got in the habit of putting things in the tub cause they were safe there . Even though none of us kitties has a pee issue , Mom still does this silly thing . It works for her . Go away . Far away . Well , that is today . I 'm sure tomorrow will much the same . Nap , snack on kibble , nap , look cute , nap . This is really hard work ! ! I finally went into the front room last night . . . . but Mom had to carry me and I didn 't growl at her . She said ' Ellie , you haven 't spied on the neighbors lately , tell me what they are doing ' and she left me there . I 've missed my spy duties . I like to know what is going on out there . I was sure Robin was in the room but he didn 't bother me . Nope , I wasn 't bothered at all . Maybe he is OK but I won 't let him know that . Mom is still doing that exercise thing . I don 't get it but she said ' yipee ' when she got on the scale and then said numbers to me and was excited . She also tried on a air of pants yesterday and said ' see Ellie , I have lost ! ' . Not enough yet but the pants she put on looked good on her . She says it is cause she watches ' What Not To Wear ' and pays attention to what they say is good and what isn 't . Thankfully she listens . The boys have been silly lately . Hermie was just in molesting Mom , he thinks here hair is soooo fun . He buries his head in her hair and just loves on her . It makes her giggle , which is a good sound . Hermie is so cute , but odd . And Mom walked out into the family room last night and found Robin sitting on the couch . He has never done that before either . Something is up with that dude . He is starting to act like Mom isn 't evil . Even today he jumped up on Mom 's desk when she was using the computer . He surprised her . She did go out and pick him up and sit on the couch with him , scratching his neck and chin . I think she is hoping that Robin becomes a lap cat . I 'm hoping he remembers his place . We are so ready for Mom to get employed again . She is trying . I 've heard her say it . I 'd like her to have a nice job . One that intrigues her . And keeps her employed . We need her out of here cause we kitties need some rest . Well , on that note , I am going to continue with my nap . Posted by OMC , Robin invaded MY SPACE last night . Mom heard a sweet meow early this morning and it wasn 't me . It was that damned Robin ! He even came into the family room and rubbed against Mom 's legs when I was in there . Who the hell does he think he is ? A member of this family ? Oh OK , yeah , he is but it doesn 't mean I have to like him , does it ? Not much has been going on here . It was cold last night again but I was warm and that is all that matters to me . Oh , Mom read an article on the Internet about how cats react to stress . They talked about the stuff Robin has , the thing he takes an antidepressant for . Was very interesting . I don 't deal well with change , but I 'm a cat . But seems humans don 't deal well with it either . Not sure if they pee inappropriately when they are stressed . I hope not ! That would icky . Anyway , Mom says change is a fact of life , everything changes . Most times for the better . She also said that someone can whine and bitch about it but that doesn 't mean things won 't change still . Mom thinks change is good . I 'm sure she changed her underwear this morning and she even took a shower . I don 't wear underwear ( I 'm a CAT ! ) and a shower is out of the question . I will allow Mom to use a wash clothe to clean my bottom . I can 't reach cause of my . . . . . mmmm fluff . Anyway , I don 't like change but Mom seems to roll with it and that is good . OOOO , I think Louie is going to be mailed away ! whoohoo , no one will be humping me ! What ? Well , dammit , I just cannot win . I need to rest , it was a rough night with Robin meowing and waking me up . Mom is STOOPID ! She burned her hand last night when she took the chicken out of the oven . Then she dropped the pan when it burnt her . Dropped it on the oven door . So this is what happened . She washed her hands and the hot pad got some of that water on it . Mom went to take the pan out of the oven and whammo , she got burned real fast with the wet hot pad and the very hot pan . It is better this morning , doesn 't hurt but last night , damn , it stung ! Lots of aloe was put on it to cool and soothe . Of course she won 't learn her lesson . I did get to eat some of the chicken , it was yummy . We eat lots of chicken here . Mom is on that DIEt of eating right and exercise . She says she feels better and she is seeing muscles in her legs reappear . Whew , finally , she doesn 't cringe when she puts on her jeans . She only has elebentynine pounds to lose . pssst , Mom is a toadie . It turned cold here again , . Now remember , this is Florida . Everyone can whine about their snow but they live up north . We in Florida are not used to temps lower than 50 degrees . I cuddled real close to Mom all night and hogged the blankets . She kept trying to get the blanket from me and I wouldn 't budge . I was happy and warm . I know I should share but Mom , I was comfy , it is all about me you know . I heard that there was another kitty at Uncle Tony 's house . The kitty was orange and living outside and wanted in their house really bad . But like us , they have 4 cats and just couldn 't have another kitty . So Monday night that kitty got to come in their house for the night then yesterday he went to the vet for a check up and shots and then he went up to the place where they place kitties . Not the humane society but a store that helps cats get adopted . I know Mom wanted to get that kitty , she would have adopted him , cause she has a big heart . I think secretly she would have named him Orange Apple after her very first kitty . Thankfully Mom doesn 't live close enough to get that kitty . Whew . Dodge a bullet there ! Well , finally , life is good . I got some greens delivered to me in MY bathroom ( OK , Mom 's bathroom but it is mine too , we share ) . I needed them too , burp . Mom is trying to eat better and exercise daily . We kitties are very supportive of this of course . If it makes Mom happy , then we are for it . Not that any of us will go walking with her but we will watch out the window for her to come home . OK , the heathens will , I don 't like to look out the window during the day . Outside scares me . Anyway , Mom is down a little bit in weight , she has 15 - 20 pounds to go . WAIT , that is how much I weigh . . . . Mom ? ? ? Am I going anywhere ? I like it here , don 't want to go anywhere . ah , Mom just told me it is her ass and the weight around her middle that is going anywhere . Good , I like it here . Anyway , Mom is on a mission to drop some weight and be healthier . I hear she is going to jog some while on her walk today . I 'm going to take another nap . I can 't get enough naps . |
I 'm on a recipe roll today . This morning I got tired of looking at some rice in my cabinet , so I threw it in the crock pot with a few other ingredients . And like magic , it turned into a yummy rice pudding ! ! Spray the inside of your crock pot . Place all ingredients in the crock pot and give them a stir . Cook on high for 2 1 / 2 hours . Stir and eat . ( Don 't burn your tongue ! Also good at room temp or cold . ) * * If you don 't have cardamom , no worries . Don 't rush out and buy it , unless you plan to use it in other stuff because it 's a little pricey . Just throw in another 1 / 2 tsp ground cinnamon in its place . * * * I would not throw this in the crock pot if you aren 't going to be home to watch it . You 'll need to keep an eye on it . Mine was done right at 2 1 / 2 hours , but depending on your crock pot it could take up to 3 hours on high . I love brownies . I love marshmellows . I love chocolate frosting . So , duh , I put them all together and made the most awesome brownies EVER . I call them OMG Brownies . OMG because they are as simple as they are delicious . Here 's the directions and some pictures . . . Mix and bake brownies according to directions on box . About 5 minutes before the brownies are done , make a layer of marshmellows on top . While waiting on the brownies , mix the condensed milk and chocolate chips in a small saucepan over low heat . Stir just until the chips melt . Don 't let this mixture bubble . Add vanilla to the mixture . And pour the frosting over them while still warm . Let all this yummy deliciousness cool for a little bit then dig in . These brownies are ooey and gooey and just about the best thing ever . In fact , when I made them last night , hubby 's only complaint was that we didn 't have any ice cream to go with them . ( He thinks ice cream goes with everything . ) Posted by We have all had those times when we find out that company is coming over last minute . Horrified , you run through the house trying to tidy up a little bit . So , in my quest to occasionally prove useful , I figured I would share a few of my tips on how to clean your house in 5 minutes or less . Put the dishes in the dishwasher . Don 't worry about neatness , just throw ' em in . Or , stack the mountains of dishes neatly in the sink . You know , a neat mess is impressive . My hubby is still upset about your loss . How hard is it to hold on to the ball ? For the amount of money you get paid , I would glue the ball to my hands . You might wanna practice the basics during the off - season . Because if I have to listen to more rants about how Peterson can 't hold on to the ball or how the offensive line isn 't doing their job , I might throw the TV out the window . Back off ! Hitting me with your cart does not encourage me to pay any faster . Actually , it makes me want to hit you but I just don 't have the money to bail myself out so I try to refrain . If you back away from the card machine , I might be able to sign my name and get out of your way faster . Also , please keep your snotty nosed child from touching my stuff . Thanks . Please just be a cold . I don 't have time for a sinus infection . And , if you could go away soon , that would be awesome ! Please get done by yourself . I have a bit of a cold and just don 't feel like dealing with you . Plus , the craziness they show on Wife Swap is far more entertaining . I realize you are the same age as my parents , but I love you . My infatuation is fairly new . I 'm sorry I did not appreciate your work much in my younger years . But , I am older and wiser now . Don 't worry , hubby knows all about you . * * So , I totally had this little rant planned , then saw that my bloggy friend Cheryl posted about the same thing , so click here to go check out what she had to say too ! Parents are at it again . In their quest to protect their children from all things bad , some parents at a school in California have managed to get the dictionary banned . Yes , you read that right . Apparently , the dictionary contains a definition for " oral sex " . I 'll wait while you finish gasping . . . Oh , you might want to go ahead and gasp over some other words in the dictionary . . . shit , damn , breast , penis . . . I can remember reading the dictionary when I was younger and giggling over a few words . I 'm pretty sure all kids do . ( Even these parents who have deemed it inappropriate for their children ) I turned out alright . As a future English teacher , I 'm concerned that at the rate parents are yanking books from schools I 'm going to be left with nothing to teach . I already know I can 't teach about Harry Potter ( kids might think they are wizards and attempt to fly broomsticks around campus ) or any book that gives them any information about sex ( well , Shakespeare is ok because the kids are too dense to get all those sex jokes , right ) . Now I 'm going to be left without a dictionary too . What is it with parents ? ! I mean , I am one but I still don 't get it . Sex is not a bad thing . Teaching our children about sex and responsibility is not a bad thing . Telling a kid that sex is shameful and something they shouldn 't do is only going to accomplish two things : they 're gonna do it and they 're gonna lie about it . Now , don 't get me wrong . I 'm not going to be encouraging my kids to run out and sex it up . But I am going to encourage them to wait to experience the wonder of it until they are in a committed relationship with someone that they deeply care for . In the end , our children are going to make their own decisions . All we can do is give them the information and tools to help them and hope they make the right decisions for themselves . Removing dictionaries from a classroom or prohibiting a book that talks about sex from a library is not going to stop a child from growing up . * * Winter and I aren 't friends ! This morning we had some slicker than snot snow ( lovely image , huh ? ) . I took the boys to school and attempted to take the baby to daycare . I slid on the crap no less than a dozen times . Finally , I decided to just bring the baby home and see what the weather did . It 's warmed up a bit and the slick factor has gone down a few notches , so I took her to daycare a little bit ago . * * Why is it that kids can 't seem to take their socks off without the socks ending up in little balls ? Yesterday , I was doing laundry and it took me 15 minutes to unroll socks . I know I 've told them a million times to unroll their socks , but they must be physically incapable of it , because my kids always do what I tell them to . . . * * This morning , middle kiddo had a bad dream . I got him calmed down and on his way back to sleep , so I went back to my bed . A few minutes later , I hear him yelp and running to my room . Apparently , he was almost back to sleep and he saw something flash outside . He was convinced that a monster was taking a picture of him . Is it just me , or does this seem weird ? * * Baby girl has started refusing to eat the 3rd stage baby foods . She is fine with the pureed fruits and desserts . But other than that , she wants nothing to do with baby food and steals table food from everyone else . I 'm fine with this , but it does worry me just a bit that she 's not getting the nutrients from the baby food that she needs . * * On the topic of baby food , does anyone know what the deal is with these 2nd formulas ? You know , the ones like Good Start Gentle Plus 2 ? Baby girl is old enough for them , but they are a whole new thing to me . Back when the boys were babies , there was just the one version . So this stuff is confusing me . It 's cheaper by a few dollars , but I don 't wanna make the switch without more info on them . I have been friends with April from A Labor of Love in real life since we were in 4th grade ! There are some really embarrassing pictures of us with too much blush and lipstick on somewhere out there . Recently , when I sent out the call for questions to lift me out of my bloggy rut , she came back with one asking what my favorite school memory was . Well , other than getting the heck out of there ( which was my first answer ) , I wasn 't sure . I gave it some thought . I came up with some pretty awesome memories . Allow me to share : ) Senior Prom : April and I met up for pictures before hand . Then we put in an appearance at the actual event . It was pretty lame , so we left early and went to the movies all decked out in our prom dresses . We probably had more fun than anyone who stayed behind in the overcrowded , hot , stinky gym . Bus 8 : From 3rd grade through 5th grade , I rode Bus 8 with April and a bunch of other kids like us who lived in the sticks . Our bus driver was a cantankerous old man named Dutch . Dutch probably smoked a pack a day and had skin like leather . Once he kicked my sister off the bus for chewing gum . In spite of the cranky old man , we had fun on the bus . FFA : I loved being in FFA . I learned a lot about life ( I know that sounds odd ) . My senior year , I wanted so badly to be president . But I 'd had a falling out with some of the more popular people and didn 't get the position . I ended up being Vice President and rocking it . I learned that even when things don 't go our way we still have to give our all and trust that things will work out . I really did love school . ( Still do ) But I have to say , I would not go back if given the chance . I 'm blessed to have some wonderful memories from those days and wonderful friends to share them with . * * I 'll add some pics to this post later , but right now they are in the closet in my sleeping baby 's room : ) This semester I am taking a course called " The Literary Fairy Tale " . It is pretty interesting so far . Here 's the thing though . . . since day 1 , people have been arguing back and forth over whether or not fairy tales are detrimental to children . Some say the tales are just stories and not any big deal . Others say they are sexist and give children unrealistic expectations of life . This last group says that fairy tales teach girls that they must be submissive and pretty and that they teach boys that strong women are evil . I grew up watching Disney movies . I loved Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty . However , those stories ( much like the books I read now ) were my little escapes . I lost myself in the fairy tales , but when they were over I left those stories behind . I never dreamed of actually growing up to be a princess and marrying a prince with the help of a fairy god mother . I had serious dreams . I wanted to go to college . Yes , at 3 years old , I knew that . What I 'm getting at is that I do not think that fairy tales gave me unrealistic expectations of life . I believe this is because my parents started very early in my life teaching me the difference between reality and fiction . ( My favorite movie at 3 was Trading Places , so it was kind of important that I knew that distinction ) Even now , my kids know that things in books , movies , etc aren 't necessarily things you should do in real life . They are simply fun little escapes . I think the problem comes in for people when they fail to recognize the difference . So , what do you guys think ? Are fairy tales bad ? Do you let your kiddos read / watch them ? I 'm so feeling the love today ! ! Cheryl , a very lovely new bloggy friend , declared me a GLOB ! A GLOB , not a blob . Let 's save the fat jokes for later , ok . Which reminds me , somehow my hubby missed out on " Yo Mama " jokes when he was growing up . Poor deprived man . But I digress . This is my GLOB : Isn 't it lovely ? ! It was so sweet of Cheryl to give it to me and I 'm gonna pass on the love to some of my favorite GLOBs . . . Ashley at Love Grows Best in Little HousesTesa at 2 Wired 2 TiredVicki at Frugal Mom Knows BestAnnette at Life on Ft BraggThese ladies are awesome ! They make me laugh when I need it the most . They warm my heart with their support . They remind me that I am not alone on this wild ride we call life . I love the blog world ! Thanks for stopping by and make sure you go visit these GLOBs and leave them some love : ) Welcome to the weekend ! And another installment of my You Asked , I 'm Telling ! A few of you asked me variations on the question " What is my favorite vacation spot ? " . When I was a senior in high school , we took a trip to Hawaii . We visited the island of Oahu . I fell in love with the place immediately . What 's not to love ? ! There 's sand and perpetual sun . The temperature rarely drops below 70 and rarely rises about 90 . My little 17 - year - old self dreamed of living there . Little did I know , less than two years later , I would be a married , a mother and fulfilling that dream of living in Hawaii . My hubby 's first duty assignment was at Schofield Barracks , Hawaii . We lived in vacationland for three and a half years . Yes , he deployed from there , so parts of it sucked . And , yes , occasionally , I suffered from island fever ( similar to cabin fever ) . But , looking back , those were some of the greatest years . So , my favorite vacation spot is Hawaii . After having lived there , I know how to do it on the cheap or how to live it up if money weren 't an object ( you know , because someday I plan to be all rich like Britney Spears and parade around a Maui parking lot with no shoes on . . . ) Here are a few of my fave destinations on Oahu : The USS Arizona Memorial . If you go all the way out to Hawaii and don 't visit , you 're just silly . It 's free . Plus , it is amazing to see in person . The International Marketplace . It is simply awesome . Lots of sparkling , fake jewelry and plenty of vendors willing to bargain with you . Love it ! Don 't pay full price for anything ! The Honolulu Zoo . Once , the huge turtles were , uh , mating while we were there . You could hear them all around the zoo . Talk about rude neighbors , huh ? ! Oh , and try explaining that to a 2 year old . North Shore . The views there are amazing . During the winter months , the waves can get really big over there too . Seriously , we 're talking like 50 feet . Watching them really gives you a whole new appreciation of the power of water . The Swap Meet . We used to go and buy 10 t - shirts for $ 20 . I 'm sure pricesPosted by When I sent out the call for questions to get out of my bloggy rut , ya 'll responded with some great ones ! Tesa from 2 Wired 2 Tired asked me what my favorite book is . Well , I 'm a lover of lots of books , so it 's hard for me to narrow it down to just one . ( If you read the last post about crock pot recipes , you might be noticing a pattern here . . . ) Here are some of my favorites though : The Unvanquished by William Faulkner . I 'm a Southern girl , so it 's pretty much required that I include a Faulkner book on this list . Seriously , the Southern Belle police will totally re - po your pearls if you don 't . Anyhoo , this was the first Faulkner book I read and I fell in love with it . A lot of people complain that Faulkner 's narratives are hard to follow , but that isn 't a problem in this one . The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath . I just really liked this book . I find Sylvia Plath very intriguing . The Stephanie Plum Series by Janet Evanovich . These books are hilarous ! They are also pretty quick reads . ( Well , probably because I get so into them that I can 't put them down until I finish ) Love Medicine by Louise Erdrich . I 'm a big fan of Erdrich and this one is probably my favorite . She is a Native American author and her books are filled with Native American culture . However , she is a master at weaving together many different cultures . Her narration style is much like Faulkner , but easier to follow . Like Faulkner , she has also created a community of characters that she follows through many of her books . So , there 's a short list of my favorites . There are so many more ( like Harry Potter and Tom Brokaw 's The Greatest Generation ) . I love books . . . which explains why I major in English and plan to be a teacher . I love reading and hope that as a teacher I can encourage that same feeling in young people . ( Ok , I know I got a little mushy there , sorry ) What are your favorites ? I 'm always on the lookout for new books to get lost in so I can avoid housework for a little longer : ) This is another fab installment of " You Asked , I 'm Telling " ( yes , I named it ) . One of my fabulous readers , who also has her own fabulous blog and a deep love for the Colts , asked me about the best thing I 've made in my crock pot . It 's taken me a couple of days to put this one together because there is some debate as to the answer to this question . So , I decided to share a " Best of " ! Excited ? ! I am . . . This first recipe is the one that I feel I have perfected . It is for pot roast . Hubby says it 's the best . I 've even made it for the MIL and she was impressed . 3 lb . boneless roast ( I tend to go with whatever is on sale ) 1 1 / 2 tsp House Seasoning * 1 / 4 cup vegetable oil1 onion , thinly sliced3 bay leaves3 1 / 2 tsp beef bouillon granules * * 2 tsp minced garlic * * * 1 can cream of mushroom soup1 / 2 cup chicken stock * * * * 1 / 2 pound baby carrots3 medium potatoes , peeled and cubedHeat oil in a skillet . Sprinkle the roast with the seasoning . Put carrots and potatoes in crock pot . Place roast in the skillet and brown on all sides , then put roast in the crock pot on top of the carrots and potatoes . ( You might need to nestle the roast down so some of the carrots and potatoes come up around the roast , so the roast won 't be too close to the lid ) On top of the roast , layer onion , bay leaves , bouillon granules , garlic and soup . Add chicken stock and enough water to cover ingredients . Cook on low for 8 - 10 hours or high for 4 - 5 hours . * I use Paula Deen 's recipe for House Seasoning . It is fabulous for this recipe and on lots of other things . Mix 1 cup salt , 1 / 4 cup black pepper and 1 / 4 cup garlic powder . Mix well and store . If you don 't want to commit to making this much , just sprinkle your roast with salt , pepper and garlic powder . * * You could also use 3 - 4 beef bouillon cubes , crushed . * * * Fresh garlic gloves work here too . Just use 1 clove per 1 tsp . * * * * I don 't keep stock . Instead , I just keep bouillon granules and mix stock as I need it . Next up is my best quick crock pot recipe . This meatball and veggie stew takes about 5 minutes to throw together . Posted by It 's time for some more Random Tuesday Thoughts . Sit back and enjoy ! * * We got the baby a big girl car seat yesterday . I figured since her feet were hanging over the end of the carrier and she 's nudging up against that 20 lb weight limit that it was about time . She loves it . * * Oldest kiddo lost another tooth last night . He was crying and screaming while hubby was trying to pull it . The minute it came out he starting dancing around cheering about how he was gonna get more money . * * The tooth fairy is gonna be broke real quick if that kid doesn 't stop losing teeth . * * I 'm gonna be an auntie again . * * Why do husband ask 50 times if you are ready for bed , but don 't lift a finger to help out with all the things you have to do before going to bed ? I mean , if they washed the bottles or picked up the 2000 miscellaneous shoes around the house , we might could get to bed a little earlier . Sitting there playing with your Facebook zoo and asking me when I 'm gonna be ready for bed doesn 't get us there any quicker . * * Ever notice how people drive like morons in parking lots ( well , that 's not really limited to parking lots . . . ) and then blame everyone else . If someone comes inches from backing into you , it is certainly not their fault . Sure , they didn 't look before backing out of that spot , but you shouldn 't have been driving down that aisle . Duh . * * Hubby is a Vikings fan . I 'm a Cowboys fan . It was a rough weekend around here . * * The kiddos brought home their school pictures back around Thanksgiving . I still haven 't sent them to the grandparents . * * My 10 year high school reunion is this year . I 'll probably miss it though because all the people who still live back there think it 's a good idea to have it after school starts . * * Speaking of high school . . . I 'm amazed at how many people never left . We were a big class ( 600 + ) and from what I can tell on Facebook , many of them are still there . Not that it 's a bad place . . . I plan to move back when hubby gets done playing Soldier , but I just thought more people would go away . . . maybe that was wishful thinkinPosted by Ya 'll ask some great questions ! One of my dearest friends asked me what the funniest things my kids have said are . She knows my kids in real life , so she 's heard some zingers out of their little mouths . Oldest kiddo used to like to ask her if he had a chicken on his head . My kiddos are really funny . Oldest kiddo has a very dry sense of humor . If you aren 't listening to him , it is very possible that you will miss some of the funniest things you 've ever heard . Recently , hubby 's sister informed him that he 's going to be an uncle . ( Well , technically , he 's already an uncle , but this is the first one on his side of the family . . . ) We decided to tell the kiddos . First thing out of oldest kiddo 's mouth was , " But how ? She doesn 't have a husband ! " He was dead serious , but hubby and I couldn 't hide our laughter . Middle kiddo is also very funny . He knows he 's funny too . However , like so many kids , he is his very funniest when he 's not trying to be funny . This evening I was trying to explain gout to the kiddos . ( My dad has had it for a long time and recently had a flare up . ) So , I was telling them about uric acid crystals building up around Pappy 's knee . Middle kiddo looks at me and says " Is Pappy sparklely ? " After a little Q & A , I figured out that middle kiddo thought that the crystals meant that Pappy was sparkling . It was pretty dang cute . Middle kiddo also says " My Bag " on a regular basis , but what he really means is " My bad " . The baby doesn 't really talk yet . However , she has been known to growl ( like the dogs ) when you get to close to her food . She 's got older brothers , so I 'd say this is purely a defense mechanism . So , there you have it . . . some of the funniest things that have come out of my kiddos ' mouths lately . I 'll be back tomorrow with some more answers to your questions . Think I might tackle the one about my best crock pot recipes . . . I have to say that I have the greatest readers ! You guys sure came through for me with the questions . I love them all and plan to answer them all over the next few days . Tesa ( who happens to have adorable children and a great blog , go visit her ! ) asked me how long I 've been blogging and why I started . It was the perfect question for today , since today just happens to be my 1 year blogoversary ! ! I actually started blogging on MySpace a while before I started this blog . However , I knew that I was quickly outgrowing my MySpace days and wanted a blog that was not connected to that . So , this blog was born . I have always loved writing . I have always sucked at keeping a journal . Blogging was a great fit for me . I knew it was something I would keep up with ( because I spend waaay too much time on the internet ) and it would allow me to write . I love sharing my stories with others . Blogging also allows me to connect with other women out there . I love getting comments and knowing that I 'm not alone in the things I go through . There is always some wonderful person out there who 's been there done that and is ready to give me that little bit of support I need . I never really meant my blog to be a place for me to share things with distant family , but sometimes it happens that way and mostly it 's great ( except that time my mom got a little annoyed that I called her crazy . . . but the shoe might not have been too small , if you know what I 'm saying ) . Basically , my blog is a place where I 'm free to be me . I put it out there with no filters and feel no guilt over it . That 's really something we can 't always do in real life . I love blogging and hope to be here in my little corner of the bloggy world for quite some time to come . If you already follow me , thank you so much for riding along ! And if you don 't follow me , well , why the heck not ? ! Thanks for the question , Tesa ! I 'll be answering more of the great questions I received over the next few days . And if you didn 't leave one , or think of another one , pop back over and ask away ! I 'm in a rut . Well , to be exact , I 'm in a blogging rut . It 's winter , my brain is cold and the ideas just aren 't coming to me . So , in a move I may come to regret later , I am opening it up to you my dear readers . . . What do you want to know ? Ask me and I will answer . Just leave me a comment with your question and over the next few days , I will answer whatever questions come my way . To start things off , I will ask ya 'll a question . . . What do you do if while visiting someone 's house you discover they are out of toilet paper ? Me ? I search their cabinets . I know that sounds horrible . But I don 't want to drip dry just because they didn 't check the toilet paper before I showed up : ) And I figure searching the cabinets is a better solution than using the fancy hand towels , right ? Alrighty , so I hand it to you . . . What do you want to know ? If I lived a normal life , I might worry that my hubby would lose his job because of the economy . Instead , I worry that he will give his life for his job . If I lived a normal life , I might worry that living in the same place for their whole life would limit my children 's world view . Instead , I worry that they 'll never know how to settle into one place for more than a few years . More than that , I worry that they will never form deep attachments to people because people come and go from our life so frequently . If I lived a normal life , I might own just one set of curtains . Instead , I have about 3 sets because the windows are never the same size . If I lived a normal life , I might think it was simply cute when my kids play soldier . Instead , I have mixed feelings about it . It is cute that they imitate Daddy , it makes me proud that they want to follow in his footsteps protecting our freedoms and it scares me to death that I might have to watch them go to war someday . If I lived a normal life , I might never think about showing my ID to get into the grocery store . Instead , I have to remind myself that the greeter at Wal - Mart has no desire to see my ID card . If I lived a normal life , I might appreciate those who sacrifice to keep us free but I would probably never truly understand just what that meant . Instead , I know all too well the sacrifices made . I know that soldiers give up their lives in so many ways . They miss birthdays , anniversaries , first days of school , first steps and words . They give up so much . Many have even given their own life . And it 's not just the soldiers , it is their spouses and their kids that sacrifice too . If I lived a normal life , I would probably go on vacation sometimes . I would go see new places . Instead , I don 't go on vacation . I move to new places and get to enjoy the wonders of those places for a few years at a time . It 's kind of like one big vacation . Actually , it is an adventure . If I lived a normal life , it would be good . Instead , I live a great life as an Army wife ! Hooray for Tuesday ! I love me some randomness , so let 's get to it . . . * * I should be doing homework . * * To avoid hubby 's blah - blah - blah about how I should be doing my homework , I am staring at my screen with a confused look , sighing heavily and shaking my head . . . He thinks I 'm doing my homework , hehehe . . . * * Zoo World is a bad , bad thing . . . . my zoo is worth over $ 22 million . . . if only I had that kind of money in real life ! * * Why is everyone acting all shocked and appalled by the fact that Mark McGwire admitted to using steroids ? Was I the only one that caught on to that back in the day ? * * While I 'm on a sports roll . . . Why do some people insist on bashing Michael Vick ? Yes , he did a horrible thing . However , the man paid his debt to society as determined by our great justice system . Let him be . * * My favorite color is yellow . * * I think you should all go visit my fave cousin at her blog . * * I want some oreos . . . not just regular ol ' oreos , I want some of those white chocolate dipped ones that they have at Christmas time . I didn 't see them this year and I can 't get over it . Ok , I give up . . . I have to go do my homework . Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday and go visit The UnMom for more random fun ! I know very little about cars and how / why they run . In fact , my knowledge of them can be pretty well summed up in one sentence . Put gas in the thing , turn the key and put it in drive . See , not a whole lot . However , somehow I can always diagnose what is wrong with my vehicle when it won 't start . A few years ago , I had a Toyota Tacoma . Hubby was out of town on a training exercise . I took the kiddos for a check - up and came out to find that my truck wouldn 't start . There was this little clicking noise , but no attempts to start . Lucky for me , there was a kind soul there to give the kiddos and me a ride home . I did some googling and decided that the problem with my truck was the starter . I called my father - in - law to discuss it with him . He told me that the truck was too new for the starter to have gone out . I insisted that it was the starter , but took his advice and pulled the battery to have it tested . ( Of course , I had to have the truck towed home first . ) So , I take the battery down to the parts store , they tested it and , darn if the thing was just fine . Well , to be fair , it was a little weak , so I went ahead and replaced it with a new one . I took the new battery home , put it in the truck and tried to start it . I got the same little clicky noise and no start . So , I waited a couple weeks for the hubby to get home . He pokes around on the truck some and guess what . . . the starter HAD gone out . Turns out , that year model had some problems with the starter . It made absolutely no sense , but I was right . Fast forward to last week . . . I went to the cleaners / alterations place to get something fixed for the hubby . I come out and my jeep won 't start . Again , lucky me , someone was able to come get me . I did some googling to find out if there were any start issues with my particular model jeep and came up with nothing . So , I decided that it must be the battery . I read in a few places that a battery can be so dead ( and the cold doesn 't help ) that it won 't even jump start . I assumed hubby knew this , because he 's a guy and knows stuff abouPosted by The kiddos got a snow day . Yay . It actually hasn 't been that bad . They 've only made me want to pull my hair out once or twice . They went out to play earlier so I got a chance to test drive my fancy pants new camera and thought I 'd share the results . . . Alright , so that 's not all the snow pics , but my hot cocoa is waiting on me . . . Stay warm bloggy friends ! So , today has pretty much been the day from H - e - double - hockey - sticks ! For real ! Listen to the crap that has happened to me in the last few hours . . . Woke up late , it was snowing , and I ended up having to take the kiddos to school because we missed the bussesWent to get something sewn on to a Gortex jacket for the hubby , come out of the shop and my jeep won 't start . . . nothing , nada , just won 't start . . . Hubby is in a school for the next few weeks so I call a fabulous friend who comes to get meGo to the fridge to get a soda and realize that not only am I stuck at my house with no transportation , but I am also out of soda . Scrounge around and manage to find a half - gone , way beyond flat , week - old Mt Dew throwback . Hubby is nice and goes to pick up the baby for me . Brings her home , I 'm standing in kitchen holding her , talking to hubby and baby pukes on me . . . the kind where you have to change your clothes all the way down to the bra . . . yeah , nice . So , that covers the last few hours in my world . I 'm gonna go shower ( see # 5 above ) and hope to God that Ashton Kutcher and his camera crew don 't jump out at me because then I 'd probably fall , hit my head and get a concussion or some other freak accident thing . Hope your day is going better than mine : ) This morning , I started volunteering in my son 's class . He is in second grade . I spent over two hours working with the kids on a paragraph they were typing and adding a piece of clip art to . It was pretty interesting to watch them . I learned a lot about how they construct their sentences , picked out some patterns in their ( mis ) spelling of words , and some other stuff that I find interesting ( partly because I 'm a nerd and partly because of my future as a teacher ) . One child was pretty challenging . I 'm fairly certain that he has ADD . However , I managed to keep him on task ( sorta ) and not lose my mind during the hour it took him to type four sentences . As much as I enjoyed working with the little people , I was pretty excited when they were all done and I could go home . As I was getting ready to leave , the teacher asked if she could talk to me for a minute . We stepped out the door . Apparently , a couple little girls have come to her saying that my kiddo has been flipping them the bird ( she actually said sticking up his middle finger , but let 's call it what it really is , people ) and saying some not nice things ( I don 't even want to imagine what lovely things he 's saying in conjunction with his bird flying ) . She said at first she just blew it off because my son is a good kid and never gives her any problems . However , when these girls came to her a few more times , she said she couldn 't keep ignoring it . I agree . And I tend to believe that he is doing this because I 've gotten on to him a few times at home for letting the bird out of the cage . So , here 's my question . . . short of cutting the kid 's middle fingers off ( which I think is probably a little drastic and possibly illegal in most states ) , how do I get him to stop it ? I 'm not even sure where he learned to do that because it 's not something the hubby and I do . I do so love being a parent . . . Yay ! It 's Tuesday ! I 've been out of the loop for the last couple of RTTs because my schedule was completely thrown off by Christmas break . But , I 'm back ! Yay ! Let 's proceed with the randomness . . . * * I should only read the articles that I click on when I 'm surfing the net . Reading the comments always makes me mad because people are so rude . I know this about myself , yet I never seem to remember it . * * I have managed to get completely sucked into that stupid ZooWorld game on Facebook . Seriously , it could turn into a major problem . Is there one of those Annonymous groups for that ? * * I begin my final semester of college tomorrow ! ! I can barely contain my excitement ! * * I 'm a little nervous about the whole getting a job thing after I graduate . * * One of my dogs is standing on the side table in the living room looking at me . Not sure why she thinks it 's ok to stand on the table . Maybe it 's because I never make her get down . . . * * Oldest kiddo like the Disney channel because it 's " shows all for kids " unlike Nick which is " shows for kids and grown ups because they have George Lopez " . . . those are his words , I 'm not sure where he came up with that . . . * * My Christmas decorations are still up . . . Hubby did take down the outside stuff so people driving by don 't see what rednecks we really are . . . I can guarantee that the decorations will be down by Easter though so we 're not too redneck . * * We 're moving in late March which is probably the only reason I feel comfortable making that guarantee . . . * * I keep all of my notes and papers from school . At the end of each semester , I make a file for each course I took and put them all in a box . My problem now is that the box is full and the files from this fall semester won 't fit in it . Guess I need a bigger box . And that 's it for today 's random thoughts . I have to go check on my Zoo . Didn 't get enough randomness here ? Go check out the UnMom for even more random thoughts ! Have a great Tuesday ! After much begging , I finally convinced the hubby that I need a fancy pants camera . I have been drooling over digital SLR cameras for months . I 've researched them , read reviews , searched them on eBay , etc . Yesterday , I finally talked the hubby into letting me buy one . I am now the super proud owner of a Nikon D3000 . Please don 't let me give you the wrong impression - - I am not a photographer . I am simply a mom who loves to take pictures of my kiddos and a chick who likes to take pictures of all the interesting places we see . This fancy pants camera will let me do both of these things a little bit better . There is so much to learn about this new camera and I am so freakin ' excited to learn it all . Who knows . . . maybe someday I will be a photographer ! I 'll put it on my bucket list right under " Write a Book " . Until then enjoy a couple of the very first pictures from my new camera . . . So , I 'm a football fan . I 'm actually even more of a college basketball fan , but we 'll get to that later in the season . This weekend was a big college football weekend with all the bowl games . As I watched the games with the hubby and kiddos , everyone kept talking about the situation at Texas Tech . If you like sports even a little bit and haven 't been under a rock , I 'm sure you 've heard the story . I 'm not here to take sides or even really comment on it at all . I bring it up because the whole situation just reminds me of an important lesson that we all need to remember as we make our way through life . Every day we all make decisions . Right , wrong and indifferent . Our decisions often go unnoticed by others . However , we all must remember that they are our decisions . When we make a decision , whatever it may be , we have to be prepared to take responsibility for it . If I decide to eat ice cream for breakfast every day of the week and gain ten pounds , that was my decision and I have to hold myself accountable for it . My example is pretty light - hearted and amusing , but many aren 't . The thing with the coach at Texas Tech isn 't even the only example I could use from recent news . If there is one thing I hope I successfully instill into my children , it is a sense of responsibility . So many people seem to wander through life without ever accepting responsibility for themselves and their actions , and it 's just plain sad to watch . ( Yes , I realize I 'm into this dorky - 4th - grade - essay title thing lately , but , hey , I 'm a dork and that 's how I roll . . . ) I really try to make goals for myself rather than resolutions . I believe that resolutions are all about changing behavior and , honestly , how often do we do that . . . about as often as a leopard changes its spots . For 2010 , I have a few goals . In no particular order , here they are : * * Read 52 books . * * Graduate from college . * * Get into the Alternative Certification Program and get a teaching job . * * Limit my daily soda intake to 2 . So , I think that last one borders on being a resolution so let 's not hold our breath on it , but the rest are totally doable with a little hard work ( and possibly a little luck on the job thing , given the current job market in most places ) . I hope you all have a wonderful 2010 . Stick around and see how far I get with my goals / borderline resolution . You are guaranteed a few laughs and maybe even an insightful moment or two : ) What are your plans for the year ? My life is generally complete chaos and I love it . I am an Army wife , the mother of 3 kiddos , the servant of 2 dogs , and a full - time student . I love books and cooking . I appear to be completely random , but it all makes perfect sense in my world . |
Toujours Provence by Peter Mayle . New York : Alfred A . Knopf , 1991 . 260 pages . Having survived French bureaucracy , endless home improvement , goat races , hunters , Massot 's dogs , summer visitors , and other hazards during A Year in Provence , Peter Mayle brings us more of the same in Toujours Provence . This time Mayle takes a more illustrative approach . Beginning with a pharmaceuticals marketing brochure that depicts a snail whose " horns drooped " and whose " eye was lackluster , " Mayle educates us about health concerns and approaches in Provence including house calls . necdotes relate Mayle 's love of picnicking Provence style ( with chef , wait staff , and linens ) ; his quest for singing toads , truffles , and napoléons ( the coins ) ; his pursuit of Pavarotti and pastis ; and , of course , his passion for the region s fresh foods and fine vintages . With a few exceptions , such as the history of pastis and the more sobering story of summer drought and forest fires , much of Toujours Provence will seem familiar territory to readers of the first book . F r the most part , Mayle is in fine form , writing that Bennett , " looking like the reconnaissance scout from a Long Range Desert Group . . . had crossed enemy lines on the main N100 road , successfully invaded Ménerbes , and was now ready for the final push into the mountains . " S me anecdotes , like " No Spitting in the Châteauneuf - du - Pape , " end brilliantly , while others , such as " Napoléons at the Bottom of the Garden , " fall a little flat . Judith Clancy 's delightful artwork is back , but what is missing from Toujours Provence are the quirky characters we came to love or at least wonder about . M st are mentioned or make a brief appearance , but mainly they are relegated to the background . E en Mayle 's neighbor Massot ( " . . . it would be difficult to imagine a more untrustworthy old rogue this side of the bars of Marseille prison " ) , to whom half a chapter is devoted , is here more caricature than character . W know no more about him , or Faustin and Henriette or Monsieur Menicucci , than we did at at 8 Cousin Phillis by Elizabeth Gaskell . London : Hesperus Press , 2007 . 144 pages . Like Cranford and Wives and Daughters , Cousin Phillis is a variation on the themes that seemed to have preoccupied Elizabeth Gaskell : the changes wrought by mechanization and the different spheres in which men and women live and operate . When the narrator , then 19 , meets Phillis , her physical world is small , contained , and regular , predictably following the seasons as agricultural life does . Her intellectual life , however , is vast . She is comfortable with Latin and the principles of mechanics ; she attempts to read Dante in Italian . As Jenny Uglow notes in the foreword , ". . . she does not crave ' independence , ' but connection . . . She yearns to use her mind and give her heart . " She wants to be a woman . By contrast , the men around her are reshaping the world with their thought , their inventions , their ambition , and their work . Even the narrator , who admittedly lacks his father 's inventive genius and Holdsworth 's drive , is doing more than Phillis ever could simply by serving as Holdsworth 's assistant . With her flourishing intellectual curiosity and her growing sexual awareness , it 's natural for Phillis to discard the pinafore that represents the restrictions placed on the Victorian woman - child and to desire a man whose tastes , abilities , and drive seem to parallel her own . The result is not surprising . As a woman , her opportunities are limited , while those of the man stretch across two continents and grow greater with each rail laid . It 's clear who is destined to be disappointed . As with the other novels , Gaskell captures a world within her own memory that in many ways had already ceased to exist . The narrator , older and married now , recalls in vivid detail an experience colored by the passage of time and by the changes that have transpired . The bogs , " all over with myrtle and soft moss , " could not fail to be altered irrevocably by the railway line , nor could the Hope Farm , with its cozy " house place " and " the clock on the house - stairs perpetuat Warning : Women 's matters mentioned . For at least 14 days I 've had symptoms of PMS . My period was due to start about April 24 ( which meant that I had to cancel my first appointment with a different gynecologist for the 25th ) . At around 11 : 00 p . m . , there were signs that it was starting . Those signs continued for almost 60 hours in combination with the PMS , making me doubly miserable . At last , it looks like it means business . This happened last month , when my period dropped hints that it was on its way and then arrived unapologetically late . I don 't like to contemplate this , but even I can 't deny that this is probably the beginning of the end - perimenopause . I don 't feel like a crone , and I 'm not ready to be one . Billions of women have undergone this rite of passage , but what I 'm starting to understand is that it 's going to be unpleasant - not because of the discomfort , which can be considerable , or the changes , which can be dramatic , but because my body is doing these things behind my back and without my permission . Perimenopause and menopause are inevitable for women who live long enough , but I don 't see how you can prepare for it , any more than you could for puberty . If the one marks the beginning of the entry into adulthood , the other marks the beginning of the end . As an animal , my useful ( reproductive ) life is over . Logic can 't always overcome the underlying finality and sadness of that simple truth . Yesterday J . decided to stop by on his way to work to take a walk with me ( part of his determination to be more active ) , but while driving he talked himself out of working . I was waiting for him with tea in an insulated cup so we could combine activity with something comforting . In spite of the darkness ( the lights were off ) , we walked around Promontory Point and to the 57th Street underpass . Along the way we spotted four parties with fires blazing in the stone circles . The fires worried me because they were large , and the wind was floating sparks from them everywhere . I half expected to see the Point in ashes this morat Why do I keep going back to college ? What is missing in my intellectual life that makes my sleeping brain feel deprived ? Or is it a social life for which I yearn ? I returned to an unfamiliar dormitory and found a long line of people on the stairs leading to the basement , waiting to get into a concert . I looked up ; a dry - erase board announced : ZEUS - 1 , perhaps with some other cryptic notes . I knew this notation meant that he was alone ( no other band members ) and performing for one night only . I also knew " Zeus " was Sting from The Police , although at the moment I couldn 't think of the name " Sting . " I spotted two men in the building who looked familiar . One was unmistakable ; he towered over everyone , and his hair was curly . In the dream the other man was familiar , but I could not think of who he might be . " Are you Gabe ? " I said to the tall man , noting that he had not aged at all and wondering if I were in a time warp . He admitted that he was , and I asked him , not at all hopefully , if he recognized me . He didn 't . I was not surprised . I explained how I remembered him and about my repeated attempts to return to college , even after graduating . I asked him if he were attending classes . " No , " he said . " I 'm here for a secret project that I can 't tell you about . " Instead of thinking he was there as a scientist , I concluded he must be a psychology researcher working in a dormitory and speculated why this would be secret . I also realized that there was a secret message in " I 'll Be Watching You " that had nothing to do with stalking , but I knew I could not articulate it . I may have tried . By now I wanted dinner , but the café workers had pulled a chair halfway across the entrance . I did not understand this obvious hint , so a testy middle - aged woman came over to tell me the café was closed and to pull the chair more firmly across the entrance . I thought , Already I am paying for meals I don 't eat . I am irresponsible . I thought of going somewhere else - the bookstore ? another dorm ? - but realized nat This is my iBook 's desktop with OSXplanet . Every spring , this parabola frightens me . I just know it 's the shadow of some unimaginably large monster , and it 's looking for me . Here we have two countries , far apart geographically and culturally - China and the United States . It 's been reported that , with every wave of Tibetan rebelliousness , the Chinese people grow more impatient with the Tibetans . They were ignorant savages until we gave them civilization ! Without China , without us , they 'd still be in a technological and cultural dark age . Who are they to question Chinese authority ? How dare they ? Why can 't they be more like us ? Meanwhile , the rebellious Tibetans think , " Without China , we 'd be free . " Americans in the Boston , Philadelphia , and Chicago of the 1800s who read about the Indian wars in the west undoubtedly had a similar reaction . Those savages ! Complaining about the desecration of their hunting grounds and their sacred this and that . Why can 't they live on farms and in towns ? Why can 't they be more like us ? I suppose this is natural - we tend to be most comfortable with people just like ourselves . This explains Chinatowns , Little Italies , exclusive country clubs , high school cliques , and team pride . We like who we are , and we secretly wonder why others don 't aspire to be just like us - even when , like the Tibetans and the Indians , they clearly like who they are , too . That 's why the public 's reaction to the government intervention at the FLDS ranch in Eldorado , Texas , is interesting . Given the unproven allegations of child sexual abuse and the group 's theological beliefs ( including polygamy ) , I didn 't expect much sympathy from the public . Almost everything about FLDS is different - their religion ; their dress and manner ; and their work , community , and family lives . I expected many Americans to dismiss them as a dangerous cult , a threat to the normal order . Yet many people who are posting online seem sympathetic to them without worrying why they can 't be " more like us . " Whether we admit it or not , I think part of that is because they have a certain resemblance to the middle class . Their dress may be old - fashioned , but it 's not exotic or foreign . Theat People here seem to feel it 's been a long , cold , lonely winter . I 'm tired mostly of bundling up , the constraint of heavy clothes and a coat , and still feeling cold when walking about at night . Until this week , a few moments that felt like spring yielded to more winter wind and cold . Inevitable every year , spring is being persistent , manifesting itself through manmade and natural signs . Pregnant women . Years ago someone pointed out to me that , in spring , the world is full of pregnant women . Until then , I had not thought much about this , but , judging by the number of protruding bellies I 've seen in the past few weeks the long , cold , lonely winter was not all that lonely for many . Garden kitsch . In the seasonal products aisle of Walgreens , a frog chirped as I walked by . After every fourth chirp ( two sets of two chirps apiece ) , his mutant pink tongue rolled out enticingly ( or threateningly ) . As mankind displaces wildlife like frogs , the unspoken answer seems to be to replace the live creatures with mechanical plastic replicas . Little brown jobs . While walking through The Flamingo garden , I startled what birders know as a little brown job ( LBJ ) . Just as I realized that it was not one of the ubiquitous European house sparrows but one of the many interesting migrants of the Central Flyway , it flew off . Nuts . Love is in the air . In J . 's neighbor 's back yard , a male grackle fanned his tail seductively and performed a rudimentary dance that clearly said , " Look at me ! Look at me ! Aren 't I handsome ? " The female must have been duly impressed because an activity ensued that was definitely not suitable for children or more sensitive viewers . I don 't know about bees , but this pair explained why birds were singled out as an example . The Flamingo pool . The cover has been removed , the winter meltwater drained , and the muck mopped out . Painting should be next . The pink - and - white deck chairs are piled up and waiting . Come sail away . A few hardy sailors took their boats out Sunday , undoubtedly determined to pretend that it was a warm spring at J . called me unexpectedly Saturday with an idea . Last year we 'd talked about being more active on our outings , and he 'd found something outdoors that interested him - he 'd seen an announcement that the toboggan run at Swallow Cliff Woods is to be torn down . Although he never used it , he remembers the run from his childhood and wanted to see it again . The tearing down of many old buildings in his area upsets J . I understand why , although I point out to him that people are free to do what they like with their property , and nostalgic is not equivalent to historic . Unless a Civil War sniper used the run 's tower as a base to influence a battle outcome , or Abraham Lincoln slept there , it 's just a toboggan run . Even the town in which Swallow Cliff Woods is located can 't save it . I 'm sure much of what I loved best about Western New York of the 1960s is gone . I take some comfort in knowing that nothing but time , age , or disease can rob me of my memories . During the drive , I was reminded of why the south suburbs have grown on me - they are not yet overdeveloped . That this will happen is inevitable , and the signs are there , like a bulldozed field and a developer 's sign across the road from a farmhouse and barn . On the other hand , the Forest Preserve District of Cook County Web site claims that it owns 67 , 800 acres , or 11 percent of the land in Cook County . Much of that space , like Swallow Cliff Woods and Waterfall Glen , are in the south suburbs . It had rained earlier , the sky was overcast , and there was very little spring green in evidence , but for me it 's lovely to be in the woods at any season . Of course , to get to the woods you must climb the stairs up the hill to the top of the toboggan run . My left knee hated it , my lower back agreed with my knee , and my cardiovascular system let me know that it hadn 't been prepared properly . I took several breathers even as older people passed me . J . beat me to the top and documented my labors in photographs . He wondered about the haul down later ; I told him that the descent would be easyat What a sad dream , and yet I didn 't believe any of it was actually happening . I was somewhere public , with people from the past , and was so despondent that I could not stop crying . The more I cried , the less anyone noticed me or my pain , which left me crying all the harder . I saw people getting ready for a big social event , including a boy I 'd known in college . He was a quadriplegic now , but even years later he could not be bothered with me . Another boy I had known had come along in the back of a pickup truck . He scarcely knew me then or remembers me now , but in the dream I understood from him , without words or even looks , that I was to get in . Wordlessly , my high school girlfriends made him promise that he would return me in time for the big party . One of them began to fuss over me , dabbing my mouth , face , and even privates with perfume , because I supposedly had the date of my life for the party , but I knew better than to hope , and I drove her off . The truck ended up on Amsdell Road . The boy , facing me without looking at or even seeming to notice me , was singing in a bland , flat tone into something that resembled a WWII army field telephone . Briefly I wondered if it might be a portable karaoke machine . I didn 't recognize anything he sang and could not follow the words . Although he ignored me , I had a sense that he was waiting me out , that I was supposed to tell him why I was so heartbroken . I couldn 't , nor could I tell myself . I spotted a clump of trees along the left side of the road , a sight that made my heart hurt . On the right side someone was putting out copper goods so densely that the road had become almost too narrow to be passable . Ugliness was all around , and I cried again at the ruin of one of the few pretty roads that had been left . The boy continued to observe me without looking and to wait . I thought that maybe I should explain the perfume and the overzealous friends , and that I expected nothing like that . I didn 't . I wondered if he was ever going to bring me back . Even as he sang almost tunelessly and contat I 've missed the excitement again . I don 't remember everything that I dreamed about , although it involved a man with a fetish for three - breasted women . ( Could I attribute this to a dinner of cottage cheese with garlic - and - herbs seasoning ? ) After the dream , which was more complicated than this one detail I remember , I was restless . For an hour or more , I could not return to sleep , and then I was still semi - conscious . I woke up at 5 o ' clock , set a vintage timer for an hour , and somehow without sleeping slept through its long mechanical bell ring . I never felt the 5 . 2 earthquake . I didn 't even know about it until I was perusing the Chicago Tribune 's Daywatch at work . A bit of shaking might explain why Hodge , who usually runs from me in the morning , was unsure and clingy today . Although I didn 't feel the ' quake , for some reason I feel vaguely disturbed and unsettled . And don 't have anything to cling to . I was in a mountainous region such as Alaska . The snow had melted and left behind sedimentary rock , laid out in smooth , even layers of varying shades of brown , like stripes . I came in to tell a group ( church , perhaps ) , but went out again with a vague idea that I could not ascend to the top ( although the side was sheer ) or find fossils of the ancient seas . I walked into a college classroom , where everyone was excited because one of my stories had been published in a magazine . When we leafed through it repeatedly , none of us could find it . I did spot a recipe with my name , but did not recognize it . Then I saw the name " Diane " with a different last name ; after some puzzlement , I figured out that she was the artist behind the full - page illustration . My name and story were on the right - hand page . I didn 't know the story , nor did I read it . The magazine appeared to have a gardening / housekeeping theme . I was starting to wonder what the class was about and why I was in it . Again I had the sensation of , " Haven 't I had enough of this type of education ? " At home , which looked more like a large chemistry lab , I was getting ready to demonstrate something to a group that had not yet arrived , but water was coming out of various parts of the faucet . I called a maintenance man , who wasn 't busy and also wasn 't concerned about the waste of so much water . " I 'll get to it , maybe tomorrow , maybe , if there 's not a gas leak or anything like that , " he said . I could not understand his nonchalance . In the meantime , I was alone . Thank you to my communications acquaintances at Shades of Gray for supporting my nomination as Secretary of Blasting Education to Smithereens and Reforming It , based on my questions : But if we 're going to start over , here 's the fundamental question : What is the purpose of education ? Seriously . Is it to create a literate , knowledgeable democracy informed enough to make good decisions and to understand the complicated ethical , technological , etc . , questions of modern times ? Is it to churn out corporate worker bees who buzz around trying to make the most money for the least possible effort ? Is it to get our precious child that incredibly cushy , high - paying job that we can brag to all of our friends about , even if it 's not making him or her very happy ? Is it to encourage great minds to be great ( doing research , philosophizing , governing , curing , etc . ) , and adequate minds to contribute what they can to society ? What is it ? Who decides ? Of course , it 's easy to come up with the questions ( " Why is the sky blue ? " " What makes the sun shine ? " " Why do apples fall out of trees to the earth ? " ) . Answering them is the trickier part . I guess I 've got some work to do before I can accept my theoretical nomination in good conscience . With other people , I was searching the house of a dangerous man when we heard him return . The others escaped , but I had an idea that I could stay behind and observe him without his awareness . I sat in a chair , sure that I would be unobserved . He saw me the moment he walked in - and behaved as though it were normal for me to be there . I did not know what to do ; I did not know his name . I began to try to catch a cat that I had seen , an activity that he seemed to find unexceptional . I began to wonder who I was to him . Several times I climbed a ladder that ended in an upside - down V nailed to a rafter and commented that it seemed difficult and rickety , possibly to hide my inability to get off the ladder onto the rafter . The upside - down V was beyond my physical ability to master . Now I was outside in what I thought to be my old backyard at home , with a single old tree in it . The actual yard had had no trees , but I wondered what had happened to the rest of them as if it had . My dad came along and offered to drive me . We did not follow a surface road , but a miniature one made of wood that wound through the treetops . It seemed narrower than the wheel base of our van , which made me nervous . At one point , it rose at a 90 - degree angle , so that it was like driving up a dry waterfall from the base . At another point , the road split off into an upper and a lower branch . The latter was low and close , but we took it anyway . My dad executed all these moves adroitly , but I was petrified from fear . There was a house near the exit of the estate , and a crane was swinging another one into place across from it . I took these to be the homes of relatives and did not know why they should clutter our pristine grounds . Dad and I were riding a train between the cars , but it did not appear to be especially dangerous . It may have been a city or commuter train . It wasn 't safe , however , and I knew the journey was to be a long one , so I moved inside to find a place . The authorities captured my dad and as I was trying to say they had to be gentle with him at Today 's experiment is one that I think Dr . Forrester would be proud of . I found some stale Peeps ( what was I thinking when I acquired them ? ) and , being my father 's daughter , didn 't want to waste them . I made a cup of Equal Exchange hot cocoa and used a Peep as a large marshmallow . A Peep is a large marshmallow , so all is well with the world if not with the poor boiled Peeps . The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory . New York : Simon & Schuster , Inc . / Touchstone , 2003 . 672 pages . Today there are still jokes about how Anne Boleyn lost her head , but life as a wife of Henry VIII was no laughing matter . In The Other Boleyn Girl , Philippa Gregory gives a fictional account of Henry 's most famous queen from the perspective of her sister , Mary . Gregory tries to capture a sisterly dynamic understandable to contemporary readers . Anne and Mary are opposites in appearance and temperament ; loyal to one another out of obligation , not love ; and , we are told , lifelong rivals . Oddly , that rivalry never quite materializes here other than in spiteful and venomous words and feelings . While Anne seethes with ambition and resentment , Mary is too passive a personality to be a match for Anne , nor does she try to be . As portrayed , the conflict between the sisters is more petty than powerful . Gregory 's choice for Mary to serve as narrator , as though it were her memoir , detracts from the sense of history . A Tudor - era aristocrat like Mary does not seem likely to set her story down in such detail after the events have passed . It might have been more effective to frame the story as a researcher 's discovery of Mary 's journals and letters . When handled adroitly , this type of framing device can make the characters and story more immediate and less obviously fictional . Another alternative would have been the omniscient third person , which might have been more convincing . As it is , I could not suspend my disbelief in Mary 's voice , with its anachronistic nuances and sensibilities . She sounds more like a modern author than a 16th - century woman remembering the recent and difficult past . Therein lies another problem Mary never explains why she wrote all of this down , why she delves into such detail , or who she expects the reader to be . t might have made more sense if she had said she wanted her legacy to be the true story of her and her family 's role in Anne 's rise and fall , that she wanted her own name to be remembered , or at One day when I was in junior high school , Mr . Albert played Prélude à l ' après - midi d ' un faune by Claude Debussy . When he announced his selection to the class , which had been raised on Frank Zappa and Jethro Tull , I exclaimed involuntarily , " Oh , I love that piece ! " I paid for this outburst for years ; no bully who had witnessed it could let me forget it . I 'm not sure if the lesson was to keep one 's feelings or one 's weird music preferences to oneself , or both . It may have been after this that one of my classmates embedded chewing gum in my tangled locks . What business did I have with Prélude à l ' après - midi d ' un faune , anyway ? I was quite possibly the only student in the school who had ever heard it , let alone of it . My outburst may have been the result of emotional stupidity ( the opposite of the famous emotional intelligence that successful people are blessed with ) , but appreciation for Prélude à l ' après - midi d ' un faune came from a love of reading . The Girl Who Ran Away by Joan Robinson was the culprit . In the story , an English girl sent to live with an aunt instead makes shift to live in a nearby copse for the summer - thus avoiding the unpleasantness of older relatives while being close enough to feel secure . One day , Charlie hears a flute playing a tune that climbs the scale , then descends - Prélude à l ' après - midi d ' un faune . Entranced , she finds the musician , a young man staying in a caravan ( trailer ) in the woods , and they become friends . He is a young adult , and she is still a child , but their meeting obliquely reveals the possibilities of the adult world of romance . When I hear Prélude à l ' après - midi d ' un faune , emotionally I am transported to a late summer 's day in the depth of still , sun - dappled woods , a misfit , outcast child wanderer meeting a man , that is , a man thought of as a man , for the first time . It 's beautiful , wistful , and melancholy , a point in time that makes me forget the past and yearn to know the future . Perhaps the bullies were right to mock me . If you have had the patience to reaat Sherlock Holmes and the Thistle of Scotland by L . B . ( Pamela ) Greenwood . New York : Pocket Books , 1990 . 208 pages . It 's been many years since I read the Sherlock Holmes canon , so I may not be the best qualified to judge the worthiness of Sherlock Holmes and the Thistle of Scotland as a pastiche . From what I recall , however , L . B . Greenwood has made a valiant if not entirely successful attempt to give new life to the great Victorian detective . The outline of the mystery , which involves an impoverished earl , a contracted marriage , and a valuable historic gem , is pure Holmes . On the day of Lady Caroline 's wedding , her only dowry , the famous Thistle of Scotland amethyst , is stolen from her hair in front of a room full of family , guests , and servants . he clues are odd and apparently unconnected : a white thread , deliberately damaged books , ugly trousers , uncurled hair , and the very elusiveness of the victim . nly Holmes could make sense of so many random clues . Greenwood draws on as many Holmes canon elements as possible , including Mrs . Hudson , references to a previous case , Holmes in disguise , a train trip , ancillary puzzles , the Baker Street Irregulars , and ( of course ) a vainglorious Scotland Yard inspector . here are more Holmes elements than in any one Conan Doyle story indeed , there are too many . H re , they serve as utilitarian devices that lack the evocative charm that Conan Doyle gave them . T e brash young inspector is bland , without a distinctive personality . T e train trip confirms a clue , but Holmes is not aboard to make chilling observations , such as how easily crime can be committed and hidden among the peaceful farmhouses of the countryside . T e cabs roll along the streets of London , accompanied by mundane detail about how they are hailed and how expensive they are . C nan Doyle ( who , I understand , was not familiar with London ) evoked London 's foggy nights and murky underworld so vividly that the city feels tangible and real so much so that people still look for 221B Baker Street . It s as though Greenwood gat 9 I was returning with someone to an enormous brick manor house , which we saw was on fire . The fire , with flames leaping out of windows and into the sky , was somehow put out quite easily , and I walked around the house to survey the damage . There was no damage . There were no scorch or water marks , no burnt timbers , no structural damage of any kind . Even more interesting , the rooms , including mine , were bare . I loved this place and became afraid for it . We would leave and return , each time to find the house on fire . It was always empty , and there was never any damage . The fire was always extinguished mysteriously and quickly . Something must be causing these fires , I reasoned , perhaps an electrical problem . Some people volunteered to stay at the house to keep watch over it . Although they lived in it , too , I became suspicious of them . I got into the car , cramming myself into the corner to make room for the many others I thought were coming . " We 're going to pick up your cousin , J . , " the driver , a registered nurse I work with , said . " That 's it . " I heard and understood her but did not believe her . I did not want to leave , and looked back fearfully at my beloved , empty house . I was in the front row of a classroom , waiting for the professor . When he arrived , he made an announcement . I could not understand what he said , but the students behind me seemed to think he wanted them to introduce themselves . When they started to , he thundered at them , " What are you doing ? " I became upset because to me it appeared that he had misled them or that he was overreacting . I remembered that I have a degree and wondered why I was there . I looked on a schedule and found that I was enrolled in two full years of classes and that the first course was on " Potato . " All of this was clearly a waste of time and money , and I dreaded canceling my classes , telling my parents , and packing and moving home again . Had I not been through this before ? I went to my room , which was like a warehouse . A stream of water was pouring from the ceiling . In a panic , I went to someone - perhaps my mother ? - and told her about the water and that something must be done right away . She looked at me angrily and said , " It 's all much worse than you realize . It 's more than you . Take a look around . " I did , and now there was water pouring down in this room , another warehouse . It was bare , and all the ceiling tiles were missing . I returned to my room ; I had a hunch I would find the same conditions there . It felt a little like an apocalypse or that we were traveling backward in time , and the condition of the building reflected a regression from the contemporary to the more primitive . I could see that my life was ruined and felt the waves of despair begin . Again . I was in an auditorium , where two people from IT announced that they were going to talk about the Web site . They gestured to me to join them , but I was unprepared . Had I known about this presentation ? Had I forgotten something so out of the scope of my day - to - day drudgery ? I stood , but remained off to the side so no one would notice me and the IT people would forget me . To my surprise , they called upon audience members to come forward and play a game . They showed video of passing scenery shot from an aerial perspective ; the object was to guess the location of the destination before the video arrived at it . A young man was the first to be called . His video began in what like a tiny country village with a prominent , almost medieval church . I thought that it might be France ; the destination might be somewhere like Arles . The young man was no more successful than I in his guesses . Suddenly , the aerial journey ended at an urban island that everyone guessed to be Staten Island . It was too large , I thought , and I was sure it must be Long Island even though I was puzzled by the skyscrapers . The young man tagged me to play next ( so much for my inconspicuousness ) , but the IT people said that I wasn 't part of the audience . I don 't know what happened next - perhaps I failed at something - because I was told I had to duel someone , using real weapons . I was given a long pole with a semicircular blade . This seemed too easy , and I wondered what the catch was going to be . For a long time I did not see my opponent or know what his weapons were , but he proved to be a large , bald man with brass stars and other throwing weapons . I did not want to hurt him , so I poked him gently with the blade . It made no impression on him . I wondered with suspicion if the blade magically softened or deteriorated at the edge with each blow , which would have been a nasty trick . I became more cautious . In the meantime , the man threw his stars - but not at me . They never seemed to strike the intended targets , who were people I know and like . Finally , he walkedat Today is blood drive day at work , but my blood donation days are over thanks to an unreliable screening process and FDA cautiousness . I 've been a blood donor since I was first eligible . I was turned away once in Hamburg , New York , because my blood pressure was high . As I dripped sweat onto the floor , I asked naively , " Would riding a bicycle three miles uphill make it high ? " Undoubtedly bemused , the nurse directed me to rest for a while , then we tried again . This time , my blood pressure was its usual laid - back self . Later , in my 20s , I was rejected once for low iron , but that proved to be a temporary condition . I donated primarily through the Red Cross and later the University of Chicago hospitals . More recently , I 've donated through an agency that performs workplace blood drives . My blood is healthy ; the trouble has been getting at it and drawing it . My veins are either too deep or too small , and there seems to be only one , on the outer edge of my left elbow , that 's consistently viable . We tried apheresis once , but it took too long . At some point in the 1990s , after a donation the agency sent me a letter saying that my blood had tested positive for hepatitis B core antibodies and could not be used . This seemed unlikely to me , so I asked my doctor to order a screening . He couldn 't find anything , and I wrote a rather tetchy letter to the agency with the results enclosed . If I remember right , I donated a few more times without problem , then in the early 2000s the screening once again revealed the presence of hepatitis B core antibodies . By now , I was a little upset because it was clear to me the screening was flawed . I did not try to donate again until November 2007 ; I was under the impression that I still could . No . I received a stern letter from the agency saying that , although the screening was negative this time , I have been permanently deferred as a blood donor due to two positive screenings [ with negative screenings in between ] . The letter was not well written , and it wasn 't clear to me if this was this particular agat I was with a man and a child and being threatened by a monster - god who was electrical in nature . He seemed to suspect our presence , but for some reason I didn 't understand he couldn 't see us . We knew we were in terrible danger and that the only way to avoid the monster - god 's notice was to roll a ball between us so that it would not lose contact with the ground while rolling but would hit one or the other of us ( not the child ) at the end of each roll . At the same time , any kind of movement might attract his attention . All of this frightened me because the condition not to be seen - rolling the ball - included the condition to be seen - movement . It was a dilemma . I faced the monster - god , which made the situation more horrible for me because I could see his reactions , if any . I would have to communicate them to the man somehow . The man raised his arms , at which the monster - god raised his . I trembled in fear . The ball never rolled ; it bounced , and the monster - god seemed to follow its erratic up - and - down movement . It never went straight ; it veered off in different directions , which the monster - god seemed to notice . The more I saw of this , the more I was convinced that I was being toyed with and that I was doomed . I feared the man and child , too . |
Toujours Provence by Peter Mayle . New York : Alfred A . Knopf , 1991 . 260 pages . Having survived French bureaucracy , endless home improvement , goat races , hunters , Massot 's dogs , summer visitors , and other hazards during A Year in Provence , Peter Mayle brings us more of the same in Toujours Provence . This time Mayle takes a more illustrative approach . Beginning with a pharmaceuticals marketing brochure that depicts a snail whose " horns drooped " and whose " eye was lackluster , " Mayle educates us about health concerns and approaches in Provence including house calls . necdotes relate Mayle 's love of picnicking Provence style ( with chef , wait staff , and linens ) ; his quest for singing toads , truffles , and napoléons ( the coins ) ; his pursuit of Pavarotti and pastis ; and , of course , his passion for the region s fresh foods and fine vintages . With a few exceptions , such as the history of pastis and the more sobering story of summer drought and forest fires , much of Toujours Provence will seem familiar territory to readers of the first book . F r the most part , Mayle is in fine form , writing that Bennett , " looking like the reconnaissance scout from a Long Range Desert Group . . . had crossed enemy lines on the main N100 road , successfully invaded Ménerbes , and was now ready for the final push into the mountains . " S me anecdotes , like " No Spitting in the Châteauneuf - du - Pape , " end brilliantly , while others , such as " Napoléons at the Bottom of the Garden , " fall a little flat . Judith Clancy 's delightful artwork is back , but what is missing from Toujours Provence are the quirky characters we came to love or at least wonder about . M st are mentioned or make a brief appearance , but mainly they are relegated to the background . E en Mayle 's neighbor Massot ( " . . . it would be difficult to imagine a more untrustworthy old rogue this side of the bars of Marseille prison " ) , to whom half a chapter is devoted , is here more caricature than character . W know no more about him , or Faustin and Henriette or Monsieur Menicucci , than we did at at 9 Cousin Phillis by Elizabeth Gaskell . London : Hesperus Press , 2007 . 144 pages . Like Cranford and Wives and Daughters , Cousin Phillis is a variation on the themes that seemed to have preoccupied Elizabeth Gaskell : the changes wrought by mechanization and the different spheres in which men and women live and operate . When the narrator , then 19 , meets Phillis , her physical world is small , contained , and regular , predictably following the seasons as agricultural life does . Her intellectual life , however , is vast . She is comfortable with Latin and the principles of mechanics ; she attempts to read Dante in Italian . As Jenny Uglow notes in the foreword , ". . . she does not crave ' independence , ' but connection . . . She yearns to use her mind and give her heart . " She wants to be a woman . By contrast , the men around her are reshaping the world with their thought , their inventions , their ambition , and their work . Even the narrator , who admittedly lacks his father 's inventive genius and Holdsworth 's drive , is doing more than Phillis ever could simply by serving as Holdsworth 's assistant . With her flourishing intellectual curiosity and her growing sexual awareness , it 's natural for Phillis to discard the pinafore that represents the restrictions placed on the Victorian woman - child and to desire a man whose tastes , abilities , and drive seem to parallel her own . The result is not surprising . As a woman , her opportunities are limited , while those of the man stretch across two continents and grow greater with each rail laid . It 's clear who is destined to be disappointed . As with the other novels , Gaskell captures a world within her own memory that in many ways had already ceased to exist . The narrator , older and married now , recalls in vivid detail an experience colored by the passage of time and by the changes that have transpired . The bogs , " all over with myrtle and soft moss , " could not fail to be altered irrevocably by the railway line , nor could the Hope Farm , with its cozy " house place " and " the clock on the house - stairs perpetuat Warning : Women 's matters mentioned . For at least 14 days I 've had symptoms of PMS . My period was due to start about April 24 ( which meant that I had to cancel my first appointment with a different gynecologist for the 25th ) . At around 11 : 00 p . m . , there were signs that it was starting . Those signs continued for almost 60 hours in combination with the PMS , making me doubly miserable . At last , it looks like it means business . This happened last month , when my period dropped hints that it was on its way and then arrived unapologetically late . I don 't like to contemplate this , but even I can 't deny that this is probably the beginning of the end - perimenopause . I don 't feel like a crone , and I 'm not ready to be one . Billions of women have undergone this rite of passage , but what I 'm starting to understand is that it 's going to be unpleasant - not because of the discomfort , which can be considerable , or the changes , which can be dramatic , but because my body is doing these things behind my back and without my permission . Perimenopause and menopause are inevitable for women who live long enough , but I don 't see how you can prepare for it , any more than you could for puberty . If the one marks the beginning of the entry into adulthood , the other marks the beginning of the end . As an animal , my useful ( reproductive ) life is over . Logic can 't always overcome the underlying finality and sadness of that simple truth . Yesterday J . decided to stop by on his way to work to take a walk with me ( part of his determination to be more active ) , but while driving he talked himself out of working . I was waiting for him with tea in an insulated cup so we could combine activity with something comforting . In spite of the darkness ( the lights were off ) , we walked around Promontory Point and to the 57th Street underpass . Along the way we spotted four parties with fires blazing in the stone circles . The fires worried me because they were large , and the wind was floating sparks from them everywhere . I half expected to see the Point in ashes this morat Why do I keep going back to college ? What is missing in my intellectual life that makes my sleeping brain feel deprived ? Or is it a social life for which I yearn ? I returned to an unfamiliar dormitory and found a long line of people on the stairs leading to the basement , waiting to get into a concert . I looked up ; a dry - erase board announced : ZEUS - 1 , perhaps with some other cryptic notes . I knew this notation meant that he was alone ( no other band members ) and performing for one night only . I also knew " Zeus " was Sting from The Police , although at the moment I couldn 't think of the name " Sting . " I spotted two men in the building who looked familiar . One was unmistakable ; he towered over everyone , and his hair was curly . In the dream the other man was familiar , but I could not think of who he might be . " Are you Gabe ? " I said to the tall man , noting that he had not aged at all and wondering if I were in a time warp . He admitted that he was , and I asked him , not at all hopefully , if he recognized me . He didn 't . I was not surprised . I explained how I remembered him and about my repeated attempts to return to college , even after graduating . I asked him if he were attending classes . " No , " he said . " I 'm here for a secret project that I can 't tell you about . " Instead of thinking he was there as a scientist , I concluded he must be a psychology researcher working in a dormitory and speculated why this would be secret . I also realized that there was a secret message in " I 'll Be Watching You " that had nothing to do with stalking , but I knew I could not articulate it . I may have tried . By now I wanted dinner , but the café workers had pulled a chair halfway across the entrance . I did not understand this obvious hint , so a testy middle - aged woman came over to tell me the café was closed and to pull the chair more firmly across the entrance . I thought , Already I am paying for meals I don 't eat . I am irresponsible . I thought of going somewhere else - the bookstore ? another dorm ? - but realized nat This is my iBook 's desktop with OSXplanet . Every spring , this parabola frightens me . I just know it 's the shadow of some unimaginably large monster , and it 's looking for me . Here we have two countries , far apart geographically and culturally - China and the United States . It 's been reported that , with every wave of Tibetan rebelliousness , the Chinese people grow more impatient with the Tibetans . They were ignorant savages until we gave them civilization ! Without China , without us , they 'd still be in a technological and cultural dark age . Who are they to question Chinese authority ? How dare they ? Why can 't they be more like us ? Meanwhile , the rebellious Tibetans think , " Without China , we 'd be free . " Americans in the Boston , Philadelphia , and Chicago of the 1800s who read about the Indian wars in the west undoubtedly had a similar reaction . Those savages ! Complaining about the desecration of their hunting grounds and their sacred this and that . Why can 't they live on farms and in towns ? Why can 't they be more like us ? I suppose this is natural - we tend to be most comfortable with people just like ourselves . This explains Chinatowns , Little Italies , exclusive country clubs , high school cliques , and team pride . We like who we are , and we secretly wonder why others don 't aspire to be just like us - even when , like the Tibetans and the Indians , they clearly like who they are , too . That 's why the public 's reaction to the government intervention at the FLDS ranch in Eldorado , Texas , is interesting . Given the unproven allegations of child sexual abuse and the group 's theological beliefs ( including polygamy ) , I didn 't expect much sympathy from the public . Almost everything about FLDS is different - their religion ; their dress and manner ; and their work , community , and family lives . I expected many Americans to dismiss them as a dangerous cult , a threat to the normal order . Yet many people who are posting online seem sympathetic to them without worrying why they can 't be " more like us . " Whether we admit it or not , I think part of that is because they have a certain resemblance to the middle class . Their dress may be old - fashioned , but it 's not exotic or foreign . Theat People here seem to feel it 's been a long , cold , lonely winter . I 'm tired mostly of bundling up , the constraint of heavy clothes and a coat , and still feeling cold when walking about at night . Until this week , a few moments that felt like spring yielded to more winter wind and cold . Inevitable every year , spring is being persistent , manifesting itself through manmade and natural signs . Pregnant women . Years ago someone pointed out to me that , in spring , the world is full of pregnant women . Until then , I had not thought much about this , but , judging by the number of protruding bellies I 've seen in the past few weeks the long , cold , lonely winter was not all that lonely for many . Garden kitsch . In the seasonal products aisle of Walgreens , a frog chirped as I walked by . After every fourth chirp ( two sets of two chirps apiece ) , his mutant pink tongue rolled out enticingly ( or threateningly ) . As mankind displaces wildlife like frogs , the unspoken answer seems to be to replace the live creatures with mechanical plastic replicas . Little brown jobs . While walking through The Flamingo garden , I startled what birders know as a little brown job ( LBJ ) . Just as I realized that it was not one of the ubiquitous European house sparrows but one of the many interesting migrants of the Central Flyway , it flew off . Nuts . Love is in the air . In J . 's neighbor 's back yard , a male grackle fanned his tail seductively and performed a rudimentary dance that clearly said , " Look at me ! Look at me ! Aren 't I handsome ? " The female must have been duly impressed because an activity ensued that was definitely not suitable for children or more sensitive viewers . I don 't know about bees , but this pair explained why birds were singled out as an example . The Flamingo pool . The cover has been removed , the winter meltwater drained , and the muck mopped out . Painting should be next . The pink - and - white deck chairs are piled up and waiting . Come sail away . A few hardy sailors took their boats out Sunday , undoubtedly determined to pretend that it was a warm spring at J . called me unexpectedly Saturday with an idea . Last year we 'd talked about being more active on our outings , and he 'd found something outdoors that interested him - he 'd seen an announcement that the toboggan run at Swallow Cliff Woods is to be torn down . Although he never used it , he remembers the run from his childhood and wanted to see it again . The tearing down of many old buildings in his area upsets J . I understand why , although I point out to him that people are free to do what they like with their property , and nostalgic is not equivalent to historic . Unless a Civil War sniper used the run 's tower as a base to influence a battle outcome , or Abraham Lincoln slept there , it 's just a toboggan run . Even the town in which Swallow Cliff Woods is located can 't save it . I 'm sure much of what I loved best about Western New York of the 1960s is gone . I take some comfort in knowing that nothing but time , age , or disease can rob me of my memories . During the drive , I was reminded of why the south suburbs have grown on me - they are not yet overdeveloped . That this will happen is inevitable , and the signs are there , like a bulldozed field and a developer 's sign across the road from a farmhouse and barn . On the other hand , the Forest Preserve District of Cook County Web site claims that it owns 67 , 800 acres , or 11 percent of the land in Cook County . Much of that space , like Swallow Cliff Woods and Waterfall Glen , are in the south suburbs . It had rained earlier , the sky was overcast , and there was very little spring green in evidence , but for me it 's lovely to be in the woods at any season . Of course , to get to the woods you must climb the stairs up the hill to the top of the toboggan run . My left knee hated it , my lower back agreed with my knee , and my cardiovascular system let me know that it hadn 't been prepared properly . I took several breathers even as older people passed me . J . beat me to the top and documented my labors in photographs . He wondered about the haul down later ; I told him that the descent would be easyat What a sad dream , and yet I didn 't believe any of it was actually happening . I was somewhere public , with people from the past , and was so despondent that I could not stop crying . The more I cried , the less anyone noticed me or my pain , which left me crying all the harder . I saw people getting ready for a big social event , including a boy I 'd known in college . He was a quadriplegic now , but even years later he could not be bothered with me . Another boy I had known had come along in the back of a pickup truck . He scarcely knew me then or remembers me now , but in the dream I understood from him , without words or even looks , that I was to get in . Wordlessly , my high school girlfriends made him promise that he would return me in time for the big party . One of them began to fuss over me , dabbing my mouth , face , and even privates with perfume , because I supposedly had the date of my life for the party , but I knew better than to hope , and I drove her off . The truck ended up on Amsdell Road . The boy , facing me without looking at or even seeming to notice me , was singing in a bland , flat tone into something that resembled a WWII army field telephone . Briefly I wondered if it might be a portable karaoke machine . I didn 't recognize anything he sang and could not follow the words . Although he ignored me , I had a sense that he was waiting me out , that I was supposed to tell him why I was so heartbroken . I couldn 't , nor could I tell myself . I spotted a clump of trees along the left side of the road , a sight that made my heart hurt . On the right side someone was putting out copper goods so densely that the road had become almost too narrow to be passable . Ugliness was all around , and I cried again at the ruin of one of the few pretty roads that had been left . The boy continued to observe me without looking and to wait . I thought that maybe I should explain the perfume and the overzealous friends , and that I expected nothing like that . I didn 't . I wondered if he was ever going to bring me back . Even as he sang almost tunelessly and contat I 've missed the excitement again . I don 't remember everything that I dreamed about , although it involved a man with a fetish for three - breasted women . ( Could I attribute this to a dinner of cottage cheese with garlic - and - herbs seasoning ? ) After the dream , which was more complicated than this one detail I remember , I was restless . For an hour or more , I could not return to sleep , and then I was still semi - conscious . I woke up at 5 o ' clock , set a vintage timer for an hour , and somehow without sleeping slept through its long mechanical bell ring . I never felt the 5 . 2 earthquake . I didn 't even know about it until I was perusing the Chicago Tribune 's Daywatch at work . A bit of shaking might explain why Hodge , who usually runs from me in the morning , was unsure and clingy today . Although I didn 't feel the ' quake , for some reason I feel vaguely disturbed and unsettled . And don 't have anything to cling to . I was in a mountainous region such as Alaska . The snow had melted and left behind sedimentary rock , laid out in smooth , even layers of varying shades of brown , like stripes . I came in to tell a group ( church , perhaps ) , but went out again with a vague idea that I could not ascend to the top ( although the side was sheer ) or find fossils of the ancient seas . I walked into a college classroom , where everyone was excited because one of my stories had been published in a magazine . When we leafed through it repeatedly , none of us could find it . I did spot a recipe with my name , but did not recognize it . Then I saw the name " Diane " with a different last name ; after some puzzlement , I figured out that she was the artist behind the full - page illustration . My name and story were on the right - hand page . I didn 't know the story , nor did I read it . The magazine appeared to have a gardening / housekeeping theme . I was starting to wonder what the class was about and why I was in it . Again I had the sensation of , " Haven 't I had enough of this type of education ? " At home , which looked more like a large chemistry lab , I was getting ready to demonstrate something to a group that had not yet arrived , but water was coming out of various parts of the faucet . I called a maintenance man , who wasn 't busy and also wasn 't concerned about the waste of so much water . " I 'll get to it , maybe tomorrow , maybe , if there 's not a gas leak or anything like that , " he said . I could not understand his nonchalance . In the meantime , I was alone . Thank you to my communications acquaintances at Shades of Gray for supporting my nomination as Secretary of Blasting Education to Smithereens and Reforming It , based on my questions : But if we 're going to start over , here 's the fundamental question : What is the purpose of education ? Seriously . Is it to create a literate , knowledgeable democracy informed enough to make good decisions and to understand the complicated ethical , technological , etc . , questions of modern times ? Is it to churn out corporate worker bees who buzz around trying to make the most money for the least possible effort ? Is it to get our precious child that incredibly cushy , high - paying job that we can brag to all of our friends about , even if it 's not making him or her very happy ? Is it to encourage great minds to be great ( doing research , philosophizing , governing , curing , etc . ) , and adequate minds to contribute what they can to society ? What is it ? Who decides ? Of course , it 's easy to come up with the questions ( " Why is the sky blue ? " " What makes the sun shine ? " " Why do apples fall out of trees to the earth ? " ) . Answering them is the trickier part . I guess I 've got some work to do before I can accept my theoretical nomination in good conscience . With other people , I was searching the house of a dangerous man when we heard him return . The others escaped , but I had an idea that I could stay behind and observe him without his awareness . I sat in a chair , sure that I would be unobserved . He saw me the moment he walked in - and behaved as though it were normal for me to be there . I did not know what to do ; I did not know his name . I began to try to catch a cat that I had seen , an activity that he seemed to find unexceptional . I began to wonder who I was to him . Several times I climbed a ladder that ended in an upside - down V nailed to a rafter and commented that it seemed difficult and rickety , possibly to hide my inability to get off the ladder onto the rafter . The upside - down V was beyond my physical ability to master . Now I was outside in what I thought to be my old backyard at home , with a single old tree in it . The actual yard had had no trees , but I wondered what had happened to the rest of them as if it had . My dad came along and offered to drive me . We did not follow a surface road , but a miniature one made of wood that wound through the treetops . It seemed narrower than the wheel base of our van , which made me nervous . At one point , it rose at a 90 - degree angle , so that it was like driving up a dry waterfall from the base . At another point , the road split off into an upper and a lower branch . The latter was low and close , but we took it anyway . My dad executed all these moves adroitly , but I was petrified from fear . There was a house near the exit of the estate , and a crane was swinging another one into place across from it . I took these to be the homes of relatives and did not know why they should clutter our pristine grounds . Dad and I were riding a train between the cars , but it did not appear to be especially dangerous . It may have been a city or commuter train . It wasn 't safe , however , and I knew the journey was to be a long one , so I moved inside to find a place . The authorities captured my dad and as I was trying to say they had to be gentle with him at Today 's experiment is one that I think Dr . Forrester would be proud of . I found some stale Peeps ( what was I thinking when I acquired them ? ) and , being my father 's daughter , didn 't want to waste them . I made a cup of Equal Exchange hot cocoa and used a Peep as a large marshmallow . A Peep is a large marshmallow , so all is well with the world if not with the poor boiled Peeps . The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory . New York : Simon & Schuster , Inc . / Touchstone , 2003 . 672 pages . Today there are still jokes about how Anne Boleyn lost her head , but life as a wife of Henry VIII was no laughing matter . In The Other Boleyn Girl , Philippa Gregory gives a fictional account of Henry 's most famous queen from the perspective of her sister , Mary . Gregory tries to capture a sisterly dynamic understandable to contemporary readers . Anne and Mary are opposites in appearance and temperament ; loyal to one another out of obligation , not love ; and , we are told , lifelong rivals . Oddly , that rivalry never quite materializes here other than in spiteful and venomous words and feelings . While Anne seethes with ambition and resentment , Mary is too passive a personality to be a match for Anne , nor does she try to be . As portrayed , the conflict between the sisters is more petty than powerful . Gregory 's choice for Mary to serve as narrator , as though it were her memoir , detracts from the sense of history . A Tudor - era aristocrat like Mary does not seem likely to set her story down in such detail after the events have passed . It might have been more effective to frame the story as a researcher 's discovery of Mary 's journals and letters . When handled adroitly , this type of framing device can make the characters and story more immediate and less obviously fictional . Another alternative would have been the omniscient third person , which might have been more convincing . As it is , I could not suspend my disbelief in Mary 's voice , with its anachronistic nuances and sensibilities . She sounds more like a modern author than a 16th - century woman remembering the recent and difficult past . Therein lies another problem Mary never explains why she wrote all of this down , why she delves into such detail , or who she expects the reader to be . t might have made more sense if she had said she wanted her legacy to be the true story of her and her family 's role in Anne 's rise and fall , that she wanted her own name to be remembered , or at One day when I was in junior high school , Mr . Albert played Prélude à l ' après - midi d ' un faune by Claude Debussy . When he announced his selection to the class , which had been raised on Frank Zappa and Jethro Tull , I exclaimed involuntarily , " Oh , I love that piece ! " I paid for this outburst for years ; no bully who had witnessed it could let me forget it . I 'm not sure if the lesson was to keep one 's feelings or one 's weird music preferences to oneself , or both . It may have been after this that one of my classmates embedded chewing gum in my tangled locks . What business did I have with Prélude à l ' après - midi d ' un faune , anyway ? I was quite possibly the only student in the school who had ever heard it , let alone of it . My outburst may have been the result of emotional stupidity ( the opposite of the famous emotional intelligence that successful people are blessed with ) , but appreciation for Prélude à l ' après - midi d ' un faune came from a love of reading . The Girl Who Ran Away by Joan Robinson was the culprit . In the story , an English girl sent to live with an aunt instead makes shift to live in a nearby copse for the summer - thus avoiding the unpleasantness of older relatives while being close enough to feel secure . One day , Charlie hears a flute playing a tune that climbs the scale , then descends - Prélude à l ' après - midi d ' un faune . Entranced , she finds the musician , a young man staying in a caravan ( trailer ) in the woods , and they become friends . He is a young adult , and she is still a child , but their meeting obliquely reveals the possibilities of the adult world of romance . When I hear Prélude à l ' après - midi d ' un faune , emotionally I am transported to a late summer 's day in the depth of still , sun - dappled woods , a misfit , outcast child wanderer meeting a man , that is , a man thought of as a man , for the first time . It 's beautiful , wistful , and melancholy , a point in time that makes me forget the past and yearn to know the future . Perhaps the bullies were right to mock me . If you have had the patience to reaat Sherlock Holmes and the Thistle of Scotland by L . B . ( Pamela ) Greenwood . New York : Pocket Books , 1990 . 208 pages . It 's been many years since I read the Sherlock Holmes canon , so I may not be the best qualified to judge the worthiness of Sherlock Holmes and the Thistle of Scotland as a pastiche . From what I recall , however , L . B . Greenwood has made a valiant if not entirely successful attempt to give new life to the great Victorian detective . The outline of the mystery , which involves an impoverished earl , a contracted marriage , and a valuable historic gem , is pure Holmes . On the day of Lady Caroline 's wedding , her only dowry , the famous Thistle of Scotland amethyst , is stolen from her hair in front of a room full of family , guests , and servants . he clues are odd and apparently unconnected : a white thread , deliberately damaged books , ugly trousers , uncurled hair , and the very elusiveness of the victim . nly Holmes could make sense of so many random clues . Greenwood draws on as many Holmes canon elements as possible , including Mrs . Hudson , references to a previous case , Holmes in disguise , a train trip , ancillary puzzles , the Baker Street Irregulars , and ( of course ) a vainglorious Scotland Yard inspector . here are more Holmes elements than in any one Conan Doyle story indeed , there are too many . H re , they serve as utilitarian devices that lack the evocative charm that Conan Doyle gave them . T e brash young inspector is bland , without a distinctive personality . T e train trip confirms a clue , but Holmes is not aboard to make chilling observations , such as how easily crime can be committed and hidden among the peaceful farmhouses of the countryside . T e cabs roll along the streets of London , accompanied by mundane detail about how they are hailed and how expensive they are . C nan Doyle ( who , I understand , was not familiar with London ) evoked London 's foggy nights and murky underworld so vividly that the city feels tangible and real so much so that people still look for 221B Baker Street . It s as though Greenwood gat c I was returning with someone to an enormous brick manor house , which we saw was on fire . The fire , with flames leaping out of windows and into the sky , was somehow put out quite easily , and I walked around the house to survey the damage . There was no damage . There were no scorch or water marks , no burnt timbers , no structural damage of any kind . Even more interesting , the rooms , including mine , were bare . I loved this place and became afraid for it . We would leave and return , each time to find the house on fire . It was always empty , and there was never any damage . The fire was always extinguished mysteriously and quickly . Something must be causing these fires , I reasoned , perhaps an electrical problem . Some people volunteered to stay at the house to keep watch over it . Although they lived in it , too , I became suspicious of them . I got into the car , cramming myself into the corner to make room for the many others I thought were coming . " We 're going to pick up your cousin , J . , " the driver , a registered nurse I work with , said . " That 's it . " I heard and understood her but did not believe her . I did not want to leave , and looked back fearfully at my beloved , empty house . I was in the front row of a classroom , waiting for the professor . When he arrived , he made an announcement . I could not understand what he said , but the students behind me seemed to think he wanted them to introduce themselves . When they started to , he thundered at them , " What are you doing ? " I became upset because to me it appeared that he had misled them or that he was overreacting . I remembered that I have a degree and wondered why I was there . I looked on a schedule and found that I was enrolled in two full years of classes and that the first course was on " Potato . " All of this was clearly a waste of time and money , and I dreaded canceling my classes , telling my parents , and packing and moving home again . Had I not been through this before ? I went to my room , which was like a warehouse . A stream of water was pouring from the ceiling . In a panic , I went to someone - perhaps my mother ? - and told her about the water and that something must be done right away . She looked at me angrily and said , " It 's all much worse than you realize . It 's more than you . Take a look around . " I did , and now there was water pouring down in this room , another warehouse . It was bare , and all the ceiling tiles were missing . I returned to my room ; I had a hunch I would find the same conditions there . It felt a little like an apocalypse or that we were traveling backward in time , and the condition of the building reflected a regression from the contemporary to the more primitive . I could see that my life was ruined and felt the waves of despair begin . Again . I was in an auditorium , where two people from IT announced that they were going to talk about the Web site . They gestured to me to join them , but I was unprepared . Had I known about this presentation ? Had I forgotten something so out of the scope of my day - to - day drudgery ? I stood , but remained off to the side so no one would notice me and the IT people would forget me . To my surprise , they called upon audience members to come forward and play a game . They showed video of passing scenery shot from an aerial perspective ; the object was to guess the location of the destination before the video arrived at it . A young man was the first to be called . His video began in what like a tiny country village with a prominent , almost medieval church . I thought that it might be France ; the destination might be somewhere like Arles . The young man was no more successful than I in his guesses . Suddenly , the aerial journey ended at an urban island that everyone guessed to be Staten Island . It was too large , I thought , and I was sure it must be Long Island even though I was puzzled by the skyscrapers . The young man tagged me to play next ( so much for my inconspicuousness ) , but the IT people said that I wasn 't part of the audience . I don 't know what happened next - perhaps I failed at something - because I was told I had to duel someone , using real weapons . I was given a long pole with a semicircular blade . This seemed too easy , and I wondered what the catch was going to be . For a long time I did not see my opponent or know what his weapons were , but he proved to be a large , bald man with brass stars and other throwing weapons . I did not want to hurt him , so I poked him gently with the blade . It made no impression on him . I wondered with suspicion if the blade magically softened or deteriorated at the edge with each blow , which would have been a nasty trick . I became more cautious . In the meantime , the man threw his stars - but not at me . They never seemed to strike the intended targets , who were people I know and like . Finally , he walkedat Today is blood drive day at work , but my blood donation days are over thanks to an unreliable screening process and FDA cautiousness . I 've been a blood donor since I was first eligible . I was turned away once in Hamburg , New York , because my blood pressure was high . As I dripped sweat onto the floor , I asked naively , " Would riding a bicycle three miles uphill make it high ? " Undoubtedly bemused , the nurse directed me to rest for a while , then we tried again . This time , my blood pressure was its usual laid - back self . Later , in my 20s , I was rejected once for low iron , but that proved to be a temporary condition . I donated primarily through the Red Cross and later the University of Chicago hospitals . More recently , I 've donated through an agency that performs workplace blood drives . My blood is healthy ; the trouble has been getting at it and drawing it . My veins are either too deep or too small , and there seems to be only one , on the outer edge of my left elbow , that 's consistently viable . We tried apheresis once , but it took too long . At some point in the 1990s , after a donation the agency sent me a letter saying that my blood had tested positive for hepatitis B core antibodies and could not be used . This seemed unlikely to me , so I asked my doctor to order a screening . He couldn 't find anything , and I wrote a rather tetchy letter to the agency with the results enclosed . If I remember right , I donated a few more times without problem , then in the early 2000s the screening once again revealed the presence of hepatitis B core antibodies . By now , I was a little upset because it was clear to me the screening was flawed . I did not try to donate again until November 2007 ; I was under the impression that I still could . No . I received a stern letter from the agency saying that , although the screening was negative this time , I have been permanently deferred as a blood donor due to two positive screenings [ with negative screenings in between ] . The letter was not well written , and it wasn 't clear to me if this was this particular agat I was with a man and a child and being threatened by a monster - god who was electrical in nature . He seemed to suspect our presence , but for some reason I didn 't understand he couldn 't see us . We knew we were in terrible danger and that the only way to avoid the monster - god 's notice was to roll a ball between us so that it would not lose contact with the ground while rolling but would hit one or the other of us ( not the child ) at the end of each roll . At the same time , any kind of movement might attract his attention . All of this frightened me because the condition not to be seen - rolling the ball - included the condition to be seen - movement . It was a dilemma . I faced the monster - god , which made the situation more horrible for me because I could see his reactions , if any . I would have to communicate them to the man somehow . The man raised his arms , at which the monster - god raised his . I trembled in fear . The ball never rolled ; it bounced , and the monster - god seemed to follow its erratic up - and - down movement . It never went straight ; it veered off in different directions , which the monster - god seemed to notice . The more I saw of this , the more I was convinced that I was being toyed with and that I was doomed . I feared the man and child , too . |
When I first began this blog , I had dreams and hopes to slowly build an audience , a little group of strangers who found my spot on the internet and liked coming back time and time again to read about the funny , stressing , and mundane things that make up my life . I had hopes to blog often , with lots of photos , and to enjoy sitting down to update and share the going - ons of my world . I had hopes that this blog would lead to little bits of pay trickling in , to use it to tune my writing voice , and for it to be the springboard towards a successful , paying , writing career . I wanted this blog to be the plate that I always kept spinning . But . But I have not dedicated enough time to this blog , and to be honest , I underestimated how much time it would take to be a blogger - the typing , the editing , the photo uploading and cropping . I have had a hard time finding my voice . Some days , I feel like it is gone completely . Other days , I feel like I am sitting here pouring out words to thin air , no audience , and have been left to wonder why anyone would want to read the words I type anyways . I tried to think of the real reasons why I am putting this blog on the shelf as I drove home last night from work . The reasons for it seem more like excuses : The divorce is getting closer to an end and I am stressed . I am working evenings again and being away from Agent M breaks my heart and leaves me tired when I am home . I am dirt broke and still catching up on bills from when I went on disability , and this blog doesn 't bring in anything so devoting time to it seems like a wasted effort more and more often . I want to focus more on house projects , craft projects , college , learning Swedish , etc . Nothing seems like a good enough answer . Women have blogged through the deaths of loved ones , through cancer treatments , through working full - time jobs and staying up all night . Who am I to give up when things get a little chaotic ? I feel like a let - down . But I also feel the plates wobbling and I think it is time for me to set a few down . The fact is , NaBloPoMo made me see just how much my heart has not been in it . It felt like a chore . I would feel guilty for crocheting or relaxing when I was " supposed " to be blogging . I realized that my priorities right now do not have updating this blog high on the list . There is so much I want to write about , but it just isn 't coming out when I feel obligated . So , all of that being laid out - I am taking a break . Possibly a long one , not sure yet . My attention is else were right now and I want it to be that way for a little bit . Could I keep this blog updated by focusing more and putting more determination behind it ? Probably . But as I said , riI still plan to keep this blog open , and I plan to come back . It might be in two weeks , might be in two months . For now , my focus is going to be on writing that brings in moolah ( how 's that for sounding shallow ? geez . . . ) , and the real - life day - to - day stuff I have coming up - namely , The Beast of Divorce which now has a shelf date and hopefully is going to be wrapped up in the next couple of months , going back to college this upcoming semester , and really putting a refocus on being the parent and person I want to be . Part of that refocus is going to involve a serious overhaul of our home and habits . As much as I would love to journal and track all of this , the idea of committing myself to blogging right now is a bit overwhelming . At the same time though - I am hoping that a self - imposed definite break will be just what I need to feel the drive again . I want this to be something I like to do , something I want to do . Something that I make the time for out of desire , not begrudged obligation . Maybe once I make myself set this blog down , walk away , and do other things , maybe then I will feel that pull again , that desire to type for hours , to document things I want remembered . At least , I can hope that will be what happens . Thanks . I learned that some things are just too hard to think about , even over a year later . I learned that sometimes I think I don 't have an answer , but once I give myself a few minutes to really think about it , I come up with something I never knew was in me . I learned that pushing myself to try something new really is not so scary , and if I don 't do it " right " or I " fail " , that 's not so scary to deal with either . Posted by Parent / Teacher Conferences were last week for us . I have heard good things from his teacher , Mrs . CW , through the year , so I was damn near giddy at the idea of getting to sit for a bit and hear how awesome my kid is . ( I 'm proud of him , what can I say ? ) The report was actually better than I had expected . He has a passion for math , which shows . From the phone calls home and chats after class , I already knew he was being well - behaved in class and showed a lot of excitement in learning . What I did not expect though was how far he has come in reading and comprehension . Last year , he was barely at grade level and hated to read . As a mum that is an avid reader and a writer , it was heart - wrenching . I personally felt like it was my fault , some sort of grave error on my part , that he didn 't like to dive into books and explore the ways words can be combined into fantastic stories . So when Mrs . CW showed us his comprehension and reading test scores , my jaw almost dropped . He is reading at the next grade level and is almost at the top of the testing scales ! I knew he had been reading more and more around the house , but didn 't realize he had improved his skills that much ! It was one of my proudest mumma - moments , to say the least . When he gets good reports , I like to reward him with an " Anything Agent M Wants " day . We pick a day when I don 't have work or other commitments , and what he says goes . I make what he wants to eat , we do what he wants , go wherever he decides , and I don 't work , do laundry , wash dishes , etc . I 'm all his and he 's calling the shots for the day . In the past , we have gone to the park for hours , eaten cookies with breakfast , and gone to my parent 's house to play video games with my Dad . When I asked him on Friday what he wanted for his day , which was going to be Sunday , he said he wanted it to be one of our " Lazy Days " . Lazy Days are few and far between at our house , simply because of lack of time . We do the bare minimum on Lazy Days , the agenda usually heavily devoted to watching cartoons while laying on my bed . With writing to be done , job - hunting , laundry , work shifts , and school plays to juggle most days , we have not had a Lazy Day for months . Saturday night he was going to be spending the night at my parent 's house ( and I was taking advantage of the time to go out with some girls from work ) , so a Lazy Day following on Sunday sounded perfect . I told my Mum about the Lazy Day and that he was allowed to sleep in as late as he wanted ( and their plans allowed ) . She loved the idea and to give them enough time to play , we planned on me picking him up about 12noon ( Which was good considering I slept in until 11am that morning ) . Once I picked him up , Agent M reminded me that we were to go right home so that he could play a game on the laptop while sitting on my bed . Still waking up , I thought that sounded like a great idea . Our day roughly went like this : We climbed onto my bed , he played his games online for a bit while I crocheted . The cat snuggled with us , we made up pretend conversations with her . Suki loves Lazy Days just as much as we do . She was in our laps most of the day . Numerous episodes of Rocky and Bullwinkle were watched , and I got in numerous naps . He requested " Brinner " for a late lunch ( normally , " Brinner " is " breakfast for dinner " , in this case it meant we had hash browns , biscuits with jam , and scrambled eggs for lunch . ) . More crocheting , more games , more cartoons , more naps . I played with the camera on my phone . He defeated online armies . Where we camped out for 80 % of the day . ( And no makeup ! ) We finished off the evening with him beating me at chess , twice , and then heading back to my bed for a chapter of Harry Potter before actually going to bed . I turned on a " Harry Potter " playlist on Pandora while I read , and we snuggled close under a big fleece blanket , the cat wedged between us , purring happily . It was a perfect Lazy Day , a reminder that even with all the fuss and work to be done , we should take the time for more lazy moments . Happiest moment of my life . That is a tough one . I have had a lot of bad days with happy moments , happy mornings , happy evenings , happy outcomes . How do I pick just one ? Each one has had it 's value . How do I place one above all others ? The answer : Easily . When thinking of happiest moments , the first that comes to mind is the moment when I got to finally hold Agent M and really see him for the first time . Labor sucked - I had been stuck all night and morning in a hospital bed with monitors , a catheter , and no end in sight . I briefly remember that at one point during pushing , he was not coming out and they threatened to use forceps , only to discover that his cord was wrapped around his neck - at which point they told me to stop pushing and I begged the nurse to let me push , the urge was so great . Once he was untangled , the rest is a bit of a blur . He was checked , I did . . . something . . . not sure what . . . and then , he was in my arms . I said to him , " There you are ! " and marveled at how little and bird - like he was . His nose was so cute , and his ears were adorable . I felt like my eyes were not enough to see him all , I wanted to see him and know him completely at once . At that moment I felt what I had never once felt before - what I can only describe as pure love and joy for another . What I felt went beyond just being happy . Having him in my arms and seeing him felt perfect . It was as if something in me finally clicked , shifted just a little but enough to make my whole existence for a different reason . It was a brief moment , as I needed to be checked more and people shuffled through the room . But that moment , that shift , that little connection , was enough that it has been nestled close to my heart every single day since . Lordy , do we really have time for this ? I fall into crushes easily . Painfully easily . I have been enamored with everyone from classmates , people I 've met at local live shows , coworkers , bosses , clients , customers , store clerks , friends of friends , and close friends who I adore but would never want to cross that line with . Sometimes those crushes become so big that I blush and end up avoiding the person until I can simmer down and get over it , but the only crushes I have now are little ones that just make me smile and happy to know such awesome people . A ( brief ) run down : - a girl in grade school who had the most amazing , wavy hair and green eyes , ever . - a kid named Wyatt ( again , grade school ) who wanted next to nothing to do with me and ended up falling hard for a girl I could not stand . - more classmates in junior high ( Silas , Kathy , Vik , Anthony , Bruce , to name a few ) - more classmates in high school , but this was where classmates started to interest me less and less as they became more judgmental , more confusing , and more snotty , and I came out as bisexual and really started to question myself and what I wanted out of life . - Two high school crushes worth mentioning - my friend Chris and his punk friend , that he tried to set me up with but the guy dropped out of high school before we could date . Chris was , of course , interested in the same girl Wyatt had been interested in years before . She was not so annoying at this point , and we actually were friendly in class to each other . - Kendra , Aaron , Mike , a different Mike . . . . not classmates but people I knew through a youth center I hung out at . - Big Tom , Andy , Scampi , and a few other various local musicians ( drummers and bass players in particular , it always seemed ) - various customers at the jobs I worked after high school - a coworker who is still a dear friend to this day - a couple coworkers when I worked for Tower Books ( two who worked at the same store as me , one who worked at the record store ) - a girl who worked at the beauty salon next to Tower Books , who I quickly got over once I actually went on a date with her . - a friend I used to go play cards with at another friend 's house , almost nightly . I badly had a crush on him but he had no interest in me other than as a friend . That one stung a bit . - a definitely straight , but totally cute as hell and beyond artistically talented friend of a friend - one of my professors from last semester , who was absolutely brilliant and pushed me to think in ways I had not thought before . - two former coworkers from the grocery store I work at now . - three of my current coworkers , one of which knows . And of course , a trail of famous actors , actresses , musicians , and models . But they aren 't " real " and therefore don 't count , right ? Now , here 's the thing about my crushes - I get them on people I think are witty , interesting , or extremely talented in some way . They are people I just like to be around or want to hang out with a lot . No one that I have had a crush on has ever become someone I had a relationship with , EVER . A crush NEVER becomes more than a crush . That 's where it 's different from the start for me . When someone comes along that catches my interest enough for me to want to pursue them , it 's a totally different feeling . I get shy . I blush , a lot . Crushes I 'll chatter at , tease , joke with . Someone I 'm actually interested in will have a hard time getting me to look them in the face because I simply won 't know what to say . It 's stupid , but that 's just how it always has been for me . Out of respect for The Swede and what we have going on , I 'm not going to describe in detail any of my crushes . Besides , I don 't spend that much time on thinking of any of them anyways . I am quite smitten by The Swede , with his bright blue eyes and scattering of freckles . I like everything from the way he laughs , to how how strong his hands are , to the way he silently would walk up behind me , wrap his arms around my waist , and just press his lips against my hair or neck while I was cooking or looking at something at the store . If I am thinking of anyone in great detail , it 's him . And those are details that I am keeping to myself . Posted by Through getting married , having a child , moving to a new city away from family , moving back to the city I grew up in , buying a house , separating from my husband , moving back in with my parents , getting my own apartment , moving to a better apartment , getting served with divorce papers , selling the house , buying a car , and , now , trying to wrap up the divorce . . . I can honestly say that being an adult kinda blows . But , sticking with the prompt , I don 't think there is a set moment . I might have gotten married , but I still felt like a kid playing dress - up most of the time . I gave birth to Agent M , but there wasn 't any sort of " I am a grown up now " moment ( funny aside - to this day most people think I am his older sister because I don 't look my age , I love it ! ) . The beginning of the separation - forget feeling like an adult , I needed my parents so much through that time that I felt like I was in a cocoon most days , wrapped up tight and preparing before emerging back out into the big , scary world . I guess what I am trying to get at is that I don 't think there is a set moment for entering adulthood . There are grown - up moments , and rites of passage , things that make you pause and think " Whoa , we 're not a kid anymore " . Buying a washer and dryer was one of those moments . Watching from the bridesmaid line as friends get married , buying a new car - and then scrambling to find the money for the payments , facing my parent 's mortality when they get diagnosed with life - effecting medical conditions and start needing reading glasses . Those are the moments that personally hit me the most . But most days , I still don 't feel like a " grown - up " . I do adult " things " , like the grocery shopping , the cleaning , the mum - business , going out with friends at 18 - and - over locales . . . . but I have always had this mental image of " adulthood " being only wearing polo shirts and mom - pants , as I lose my identity to Agent M 's after - school functions and working an unrewarding job . And that is just not me . That works for some people , but not me . I 'm wrapping thiAshley O . " I was terrified to go on DWTS , but facing my fear and overcoming it has been an incredible experience . Have you faced fears and overcome them ? " ( Guest Prompt by Ricki Lake , who can be found on Facebook or Twitter @ RickiLakeShow ) Have I faced fears ? Yes . Have I overcome them ? Sometimes , sometimes I just look like I did , and sometimes I run screaming in the opposite direction . Facing my fears has become easier since I left my husband . I say " easier " , but what the really means is " I have to do it sometimes or risk missing out on a lot of things or not sticking up for what I know is right , and I 'm getting more used to having to put on my big girl pants and taking care of business " . Leaving our house was the biggest fear I have ever had . I left with no money , almost none of my things , and had no clue what was going to happen from that moment on . I just knew that my heart was screaming that something had to be done , so I finally did it . Despite all of the sadness , confusion , frustration , anger , and more fear that has been brought on from leaving , I am also happier than I have ever been . And that is part of what pushes me every time another fear creeps up or blocks my way . Knowing that I have faced fears and come out alive ( sometimes bruised and in need of care , but alive ) comforts me enough when I feel like I just can 't do something . One of the biggest fears I had after leaving The Ex , was doing things with Agent M in public . I just didn 't know if I could wing them alone . Things like daytrips out of town , or just the two of us going out to kid 's events at museums and theatres . What if something went wrong ? What if I blew a tire ? What if I locked my keys in the car ? All the things that wouldn 't have been as big when I had a partner , are even bigger now . I know I can handle them , but the knowing that I would be the only one responsible to handle things made me shy away from a lot of things at first . Slowly , I got used to it , though . Eventually , I heard about one of our favorite bands playing a concert out of town and decided to dive into my fears , head first . Agent M and I took a trip to a city we had never been to , to an event we had never been to , stayed longer then I planned , and had an amazing time together . That gave me the confidence to look for more things we could do together , locally . And little by little , that fear has become smaller . It 's still there , but instead of towering over Ashley O . Today is cold , as it rained on and off most of the night . The sky has been gray all morning and the birds outside my window are flying from tree to tree with such intensity that poor Suki is so focused on them that she is tense and twitchy . The house is so quiet on weekend mornings like this , when Agent M is at his Dad 's house . I woke up at 5am , oddly wide awake but not too odd considering that last night I came home from work tired , made a steak for dinner , drank a beer too quickly , and fell asleep much earlier than I had planned . When I woke , I grabbed my mobile to check the time and found notifications of missed phone calls from the The Swede , a cryptic photo - text from my Mum that won 't download ( titled " It had to be done ! " ) and another notification of emails received since last night - one of which was a sweet little message and three photos of a misty November morning taken near a lake by The Swede . Today will be for crocheting , for hand washing dishes and putting away laundry , and for Agent M 's next to last soccer game of the season . Today will be boots worn with leggings . Today the owl necklace that I adore will be cold when I put it on , but the metal will warm to my skin and the clink - clink it makes through out the day will make me smile . Today I will wrap up the stress from the last week , work on more job applications , and begin to plan which classes to take next semester . Today I will miss Agent M chattering at me , miss The Swede being close enough to touch , but also today will be for finding comfort in the knowing that I have two great guys in my life and the time we have together is that much more special . Today is beautiful in ways big and small - from the happiness of knowing that while I slept , someone was thinking of me , to the fresh smell in the air that only comes after the rain . Posted by Serious wishes : I wish for Agent M to grow up into a happy , healthy , wise , and compassionate man . I want him to be the type of guy who holds the door open for others , knows how to shake someone 's hand properly , sticks up for the underdog , and lives with passion . I want him to become the type of man who thinks for himself but is open to considering the opinions of others , loves without fear , and likes going for walks in the woods . I want him to be the kind of man who sees the good in people and doesn 't judge someone simply by their social status or looks . I want him to be happy with his choices and happy with the person he sees in the mirror each day . I wish to be able to see the " path " easier , and to have the strength , perseverance , and sense to follow that path , where ever it may lead me . I understand that plans have to be flexible to life 's ebbs and flows , but I know what I want and hope for . I just want a little help in seeing that there is a way to get to those goals and that it is all possible . I know in my heart that it is , but sometimes that knowing gets clouded with doubt and worry . I want to have what it takes to be as strong and happy as I can see myself being . I wish for a secret wish . This wish is a quiet one , one that I keep close to my heart and do not share , yet . But I wish for it often and with as much passion behind it as I can muster . " Lighter " wishes : I wish to be able to lose 20lbs in a healthy way before seeing The Swede again . Losing 20lbs would put me back at a weight that I was pretty comfortable with . I still wanted to get more fit and smaller , but I didn 't feel fat . Right now , I feel fat . But , I want to lose it right - not by restricting severely , not by becoming obsessive about calories and how many sit - ups I do each day . I want to lose it in a way that will keep it off and have me being the healthiest I can be . I wish for this damn divorce to get over with , and to get what I want out of it . Not that I am wanting much - I just want my personal things that are being kept from me and to be on the right path to being able to fully support Agent M and myself without relying on support checks each month . Plus , I just want the whole deal to be done with so that I can focus my time and energy on other things . Like throwing a big " Merry Un - married ! " party , hahaha . I wish for life to work out the way I hope it to - to be successful enough at crafting and writing to support myself and Agent M , to have little - to - no debt , to become fluent in Swedish , to be in a place where The Swede and I wake up snuggling with each other every day , and to have a cute little house with a decent sized yard for Agent M to play in . Silly wishes : I wish for my hair to grow faster ! I miss how long it was before I cut it all off , and both Agent M and The Swede are anxious to see me with long hair again . ( Boys ! Geez ! Haha ) I wish to be able to get caught up on chores , cleaning , and laundry this weekend , along with getting in time to cam - chat with The Swede , and take a long , warm shower . I wish to be blessed with enough money to catch up on my bills , buy Agent M some new toys , clothes , and a drum set , and to go on a little bit of a clothes - shopping spree . So , there you have it . The serious to the silly . What would you wish for ? Big snafu on my part last night . It 's Agent M 's week at my house , and usually on these weeks he stays the night once with my parents . Last night was that night , since I was going to be working until 9pm anyways . But I had forgotten that The Ex and I had swapped days yesterday , and Agent M was supposed to go to the other house last night . Of course , my being at work meant that I couldn 't answer my mobile when The Ex and my Mum were trying to call me . The Ex called my Mum , Mum kept trying to call me , Agent M was unhappy that he couldn 't finish Monopoly with my parents , and I was oblivious to all the going - ons . When my Mum called my work , the girl who answered had not seen me and told her I was not there . Finally , Mum got through to me . Slight more chaos , and a few phone messages left for The Ex , of me apologizing and asking to talk to Agent M . Eventually I was able to talk to Agent M , who was more forgiving then I expected him to be . Unfortunately , to make things right , he will be spending the night at my parents tonight , so I will not get to wake up tomorrow morning to him climbing into bed and asking for Harry Potter stories . ( We both have Thursday off of work / school and other then an attorney appointment for me and soccer practice , we planned to spend the whole day together ) . I really am upset over how little I have gotten to see Agent M this week , and I am trying hard to not be annoyed at not getting to at least see him on my lunch breaks today and Friday , but it is what it is . I can 't expect my parents to shuttle him across town to my work , just for an hour visit . I am upset to be working so many night shifts this week , but I am looking for a new job that will not make my hours so unpredictable , there 's nothing else I can do about it . I am nervous about the appointment with my attorney tomorrow and attorney appointments always make me just want to hole up with Agent M and soak up every minute I can of our time together . But , I can 't . It also does not help that I am all sorts of PMS - y , so simply thinking of the crap The Ex and his attorney have responded with make me want to pull out my hair , stomp my foot in injustice , and cry . His response pretty much ignored everything my attorney and I had gone over and sent to them , so I have a lot of papers to get together again and a lot of questions that I want answered and a lot of muck to point out and drag ourselves through . Why can 't this just be easier ? With all of these things on my mind , I barely slept last night . I woke up this morning and could not focus myself to any one project , save for going through emails and a chat with The Swede . Speaking of which , the Swede made my morning a little bit happier , though . He sent me a photo of himself in his work uniform , which I have been wanting to see for some time now . He is so damn handsome in it . I am a sucker for uniforms and getting that photo this morning made me grin like a Cheshire cat . Instead of letting the snafu from yesterday , the sad stuff from today , and the anxious feelings about tomorrow 's appointment get me down , I guess I should think of that photo as my reminder to find the good bits . Has anything traumatic ever happened to you ? Describe the scenes surrounding a particular event . ( Guest post by Adrienne McDonnell , author of The Doctor and the Diva ) Talk about one hell of a question . Where to go with this one ? Maybe my grandfather 's death when I was a teen , or when I saw a boyfriend slit his wrist in front of me because I was scared of him and told him I wanted to break up , or how about my induced labor that took years to come to terms with , or the postpartum nightmare , or maybe the first time that person I was married to forced himself on me after drinking too much , or any of the numerous times afterwards when I would wear layers and layers to bed to try to prevent his unwanted attention . Or maybe when my mum had to have a sudden surgery and I faced her mortality for the first time . Or coming home with my son one day to find court summons on my front step , saying that The Ex thought of me as an unfit parent and wanted full custody of Agent M . Or maybe should I " describe the scenes surrounding " The Event that happened last year that I don 't talk to anyone about , ever . Yeah , there would be any number of things to choose from on this topic . But writing about them would give them breath . Give a bit of life to the dusty remains of memories that have left scars , some of which are more visible than others . Sometimes I bring the stories out , carefully handled and controlled like puppets , to illustrate a point or to share with someone who has their own stories . But pick one and expose it 's details here ? To be picked at , prodded , brought into the forefront and open to questions ( and judgement ) by anyone ? Not today . Possibly never . Instead , I will post photos today . Photos from the last two years that have make me smile . Of things that made me happy , people I care about , and memories that have given me hope . Snapshots that are silly , have some sort of story of their own , and in some way remind me that no matter what darkness I have met , there is always good laying in wait . Maybe one day , I 'll tell the stories that go with each one . : ) " Making family time is important to me . How do you balance your children , relationship , and work life ? " ( Guest post by Ricki Lake , who can be found on Facebook or Twitter @ RickiLakeShow ) Funny that a question about balance would come up today . Later this afternoon , like the clock striking midnight and Cinderella turning back into a mere housegirl , I will go to work and when I punch in my employee code into the time clock , my vacation will officially be over . Back to juggling work shifts I was told I would not have to work anymore , back to scrambling to get things together for the divorce attorney , back to wondering how to make food appear in the fridge and on the table . All the while squeezing in every minute I can for reading stories and playing chess with Agent M , working on creative projects , writing , and finding time to shower and sleep . And I plan to take classes next semester again . Oh , and I have a new boyfriend . So , how DO I balance it all ? When I first sat down to write this , my immediate thought was " Honestly , I have no clue . I feel like I have been trying to learn to balance it all ever since the day I made the decision to wing it as a single - but - not - solo parent . " I thought of how sometimes the dishes pile up while I focus on the laundry . Sometimes I let Agent M play " Zombie Farm " on my laptop longer than my mum - conscience is comfortable with as I attempt to make breakfast and chat with The Swede . And sometimes I wear leggings to hide the fact that I haven 't shaved my legs in days , just so I have the extra time each morning to work in a little bit of " me time " ( which usually involves writing or working on an art project ) . But then as I typed more and more , I realized - I do balance it all . Not perfectly , but pretty damn well . The plates that I used to struggle to keep spinning , now only need little adjustments here and there , and I have become better at deciding when to start spinning more plates and when to say that I have enough and can 't add any more . There is no set formula . That 's the biggest thing I have learned over the past year and a half . Routines that worked one month sometime ended up completely abandoned the next month . But along the way , I 've made some good progress figuring out what works for me , and for us . You could say I have a bit of an " advantage " because Agent M splits his time between two homes , and because The Swede lives half a world away . But in a heart beat I would change those things in preference for having more time with both of them , and I admit to bristling when my " advantage " is pointed out to me . On the other hand , as a single - gawd - I - hate - that - term parent , I also have to do the work of two people . Laundry and dish duty falls solely on my head , except for the days when I can get Agent M to unload the dishwasher for me . So , what does work for me ? What do I do to keep it all balanced ? I keep more than one calendar . So many life couching / parenting / divorced parenting / whatever sites say to keep A calendar . One calendar does not work for me . I tired it . I would lose the calendar , forget to put things in it , or have events change so often that whole days looked like scribbled out blotches . So , I have calendars in a few places . I take a photo of my work schedule and keep it on my phone . I write on a wall calendar in Agent M 's room of who 's week it is and who is picking him up from school each day . When I have a meeting with the attorney or there is something pertaining to the divorce that I need to keep track of , it goes on the calendar in the magazine holder next to my bed . School and soccer events that don 't have their own flyers get made into post - it notes and put on the back of our front door ( the ones with flyers get left in a tidy stack near the kitchen since or taped to the back of the front door also ) . When I am on school and work deadlines , digital post - it notes fill my mobile phone screen and laptop screen . This all might sound chaotic to most , but it works for me . And that 's a big part of juggling events - finding what works so that you will remember things . No matter what the system , if things slip through the cracks then the system isn 't good enough . Agent M time is Agent M time . . . most of the time . Knowing that Agent M would be going to a party without me on Saturday night , I spent the afternoon playing with him in his room instead of doing the dishes . Knowing that I would have this morning to myself while he 's at school , we spent half of yesterday playing chess and reading together in my " mama chair " under a big , soft blanket . Being that I don 't get to see Agent M every day , the time we have together is time that I want to show him what being a parent is . It is my time to be a role - model , tickle - monster , silly mum , and provider - not a parent that always plunks him in front of a video game or tells him I am too busy working to play . But - the key to that last sentence is " always " . TherI have a big , huge , support net . I would never , ever be able to do all that I do without my family and friends . I have been fortunate to not have to pay for childcare because my parents have almost always been available to watch Agent M or pick him up from school as needed . When I first got served with divorce papers and my world felt like it was imploding , my parents and many other friends and family were there to remind me to just keep my focus , keep breathing , and they 'd invite us over for dinner so that I didn 't have to spend as much time grocery shopping and cooking . Even now when things feel too big and unbalanced , I have friends who always are there with words of encouragement or suggestions . It 's taught me that crap happens , but when you stumble or start to give up , someone will be there to either drag you until you are on your own two feet again or to tell you to get your butt up and quit whining . I make myself work . This applies to the dishes , the trash , scooping the litter box , writing a blog post , writing in general , getting on the exercise bike , dusting , crocheting , and generally anything else that at some point I have mentally found myself stomping my foot and pouting , " I don 't want to ! " . Not that I dislike any of these things ( ok , maybe dusting . . . ) , and they all have great payoffs . It 's just the time spent on them . I don 't have a ton of free time to get it all done . I 'd rather go to the park and feed ducks then pay bills . But , especially as the only adult in the house , there is a lot of responsibility on my shoulders and no one else to take the weight . So , I suck it up and make myself do the work . Procrastinating or putting it off doesn 't get things done or the results any quicker , so why bother . My favorite quote from a powerhouse of a writer is basically , " Butt in chair . " It really is that simple . I have been just as guilty as others for whining about not having enough time for things , but when something is important , you make the time . I want to be financially independent and stable ? I won 't getSo , there it is . Nothing unheard of , nothing fancy . I balance it by trying new things until something clicks and making myself be productive . I focus on what is the most important for me in the moment and give my energy and time to it . I don 't stress over a slightly messy house , and when I need help , I ask for it ( or at least ask someone who seems to have it all together what they do to make it all work . ) I guess you could say I keep it all balanced by following what my heart wants and aiming to get the most out of each day - even when that means just taking the time to relax and recharge . I keep it all balanced by knowing that it will be unbalanced sometimes and trusting that I can always keep the plates all spinning . This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution - NonCommercial - NoDerivs 2 . 5 Generic License . Simple theme . Theme images by Roofoo . Powered by Blogger . |
SUMMARY : In a world of changing allegiances , only Alex and Marita will have the strength and permanence with which to lead the Russian project . But will they have strength to survive the American agenda ? Tells the mytharc from Alex and Marita 's perspective . AWARDS / ELIGIBILITY : Top 3 Finalist , Spooky Awards 2000 , Outstanding Krycek Characterisation and Outstanding Other Series Character Romance . Commended in the B . I . T . T . Awards 2001 . Cover Art was a finalist in the 2000 F . O . X . Awards ( Outstanding Krycek Story Cover Art ) Story so far : After stealing the digital tape ( Paper Clip ) , Alex and Marita are working on a vaccine for the alien pathogen , the so - called Black Cancer . Their 1996 marriage ( after Apocrypha ) has protected them from Spender 's wrath so far ; but their clandestine operation in Tunguska has cost the lives of her mother , Larissa , the dark man , X ( Herrenvolk ) , and their accomplice , Benita Charne - Sayrre ( Terma ) . They made Mulder immune with their new vaccine , believing that he would be pivotal to the resistance ( Tunguska ) ; but he reacted differently to the other subjects . Now , Alex is smuggling weapons to support the costs of the Russian operation , while Marita monitors the efforts of the Englishman , Donovan , to find a vaccine of his own . Spender and Donovan are separately protecting them from the rest of the Consortium in the hope of stealing their vaccine later . I feel the money , of course . Last month I lived on four hundred and twelve dollars . Although I no longer had to pay Benita , the new vaccine had to be synthesised , and Alexi was out of commission because of his arm , so there was no gun money . There was my flight to Tunguska and his prosthesis . I know there are people who live this way all the time , but I don 't know how to do it . Money was never a problem for me before all this happened . But the money isn 't the point . The money is the most pressing sacrifice , the one I live with in every corner of my life ; but it is the one I feel the least . Walking home from work because I can 't afford a taxi and a bus would raise questions is inconvenient . . . vexatious . But it doesn 't tear at my soul . I can turn from that image if I really want to , though . Benita Charne - Sayrre is waiting just behind it for a turn of her own . Patient woman , Benita was . Useful trait in a scientist . More useful in a ghost , maybe . I have an awful feeling that by the time this thing is over there will be a long line of the dead queuing at my psychic door . I called a counselling hotline one night , if you can believe that . I didn 't get into the alien vaccine business - I wanted counselling , not forcible psychiatric care - but I did explain that my mother and my two closest friends had been murdered in a short period . The woman was very kind , and she let me ramble incoherently for a while before referring me to a couple of grief counsellors . I didn 't use them . It wasn 't the grief that undid me . The corollary of that is that I have no one I can call upon now . No - one , but a man I met for but an hour , a man who skirts the edges of my dark world , a man who should not be pulled into the abyss . But I have no other choice . Just lately , that could be said of most things . I 'm not sure how convincing my control looked , but it felt lousy . The sounds of weeping mothers assaulted my ears , and I felt a dull ache in my stomach . In the face of dying children , the mental gymnastics of dealing with the Consortium seemed like so much bullshit that I thought I would scream . " That 's what was in those packages ? " I said sharply , stifling a sound of horror . Spender had said nothing about a test - I had been asked to travel to Payson solely to monitor Skinner . I knew the bees would be the mode of delivery of the alien pathogen , but I had believed testing was still two years away , and colonisation another three after that . If they were testing with variola now - " Why not ? " I demanded , though I knew perfectly well why not . Mulder didn 't know of Skinner 's deal with Spender for Scully 's life . Skinner was supposed to be covering this up , not spilling the beans . He looked at me ; then , as though by common agreement , we turned to look at the children . There weren 't many left now , mercifully ; most were covered with sheets , their mothers choking out their grief , clutching at lifeless hands . I felt the bile rising in my chest ; felt the suffocating heat of shame . Beneath it all lay terrible , mortal sadness . " They 'll never know what it is to be compromised , " I countered in a low voice . Skinner turned back to me , his expression one of fury . If not for the children , I would have laughed - I spoke not of him , but of myself . I met his gaze ; insisted , " Talk to Agent Mulder . " Skinner shot me a look I knew all too well . It was a trapped look - one I met in the mirror more and more of late . " I can 't . " I challenged him , my eyes flashing : I worked through the night , stopping only to e - mail Alex with the latest developments . Increasingly , I was being asked by the wider group to monitor Spender , and I called him in the early hours of the morning for an update , another operative at my side . I almost laughed when Spender reported Skinner 's threat to kill him , and had to restrain myself from cheering the latter aloud . It was four in the morning before I finally returned home , cursing myself : my body was no longer equipped for this kind of abuse . I got out of my car with a caution that had become as natural as breathing ; and I turned quickly , scanning for the unfamiliar , or for that which was too mobile or too still . It was the unfamiliar which caught my eye - a government fleet sedan with Washington plates . I felt for my firearm ; but then I recognised the slumped figure behind the wheel . Breathing out in a hiss , I stalked over and tapped on the window . Skinner woke , grabbing for his weapon ; but then his hand fell back into sight . He opened the window . " What are you doing here , Mr Skinner ? " I demanded in a low voice . " It 's four in the morning . And how do you know where I live ? " " I 'm sorry , " he said , genuinely contrite , stifling a yawn . " I was driving through the night - I wanted to clear my head after today , " he added , and I nodded , understanding more than he thought . " By the time I realised where I was , I was in New York . I wanted to see you about this business in Payson anyway . I was going to wait until a decent hour and then come up and knock . " " That might be funny to someone who 's slept in forty hours , " I conceded . " You may as well come upstairs , but I 'm not promising talk until I 've slept . On the upside , my apartment is warmer than your car . " I opened the door and motioned for him to enter . " Make yourself comfortable , " I said , throwing my keys on the table with a clatter . " Tea ? " I wasn 't going to , but I made one anyway . When I returned to the lounge , I 'd stripped off my makeup and clothes and put on my pyjamas - the chaste navy flannel number I used when Alex was out of town , not the sultry silk . My jewellery was gone , my wedding ring moved from my chain to my hand as usual . I might not have done that if I 'd really thought about it ; but when it was done , I decided , looking at it , that there was no real harm . It wasn 't as though Skinner would discuss me with anyone , save possibly for Mulder . Shrugging , I put on my dressing gown . Not exactly elegant , but dammit , a guy comes to your place at 4am , you 're not going to dress up . Skinner was sitting on the lounge , his coat neatly hung up , his tie loosened . He looked a little closer to the land of the living , as though he 'd taken a bit of my discarded facade and made it his . " Thanks , " he said as I set down his tea . He drank from it gratefully . Then , " Are we alone ? " " Oh , " I nodded . " No . He 's overseas . " I was mildly amused that he 'd done the wedding ring spot - check . He was an attractive man . I was flattered . " Ah . Well , I wanted to talk to you about Payson . I was wondering if your enquiries turned up anything about who sent those packages . " He stopped a moment , then went on hesitantly , " I 'm almost sure it would have been a government agency . " " No - one else would have access to smallpox stocks , " I conceded . His head jerked up , looking at me . " One of the doctors told me you were asking about that . The first round of autopsies are through , and you were right , " I explained . He sat there , frowning . I went on , " When you said you thought it was an experiment - testing what ? " " Delivery of what ? " I queried , wondering how much he knew , how much he had put together , and how much he had tied in with Mulder . He was not a stupid man ; I suspected he had a reasonable picture . " No . Something else . It would have to be something biochemically similar . " He asked interrogatively , " Are you familiar with a congressional enquiry held by Senator Sorenson earlier this year ? " " Yes . Mulder believes that there is a pathogen transmitted in a black oil - like substance . Scully determined that it originated in fossilised rock from Mars . " I met his gaze , wondering whether he had pursued that line of thought to its natural conclusion , and realised from his expression that he had . " If they 're testing it - that would mean they plan to use it . " " I 'm afraid I can 't tell you anything about that , " I said , and that was technically correct . " I only gave Mulder the port of entry for the diplomatic pouch . He found Tunguska on his own . " " What for ? " I demanded . " So the men who did this can control it ? Is that what you want ? " At his frustrated look , I went on , " I want what you want , Skinner . But blowing this wide open the way you and Mulder and Scully would like isn 't the way to do it . Even if there is a vaccine , if it goes through those channels there will be FDA approvals and pharmaceutical patents and a thousand other ways that the formula could become known to those who have the pathogen . They 'll spread it before we have a chance to vaccinate . " It was a fair question , and I thought a moment . " There is an Englishman . Maxwell Donovan . Scully and Mulder have both met him , though I don 't believe either of them knows his name . He works with the group and is aligned with Senator Sorenson . You mustn 't trust him , but equally you would do well to shield him if ever the need arises . " He cut me off . " Actually , you 've given me a lot . I came here looking for pieces . You gave me the skeleton of a big picture . " " Thank you . " I sat there thoughtfully ; watching him put on his coat , I hesitated . At last , I said quietly , " She 's going to live , Mr Skinner . " I explained , " The same things that make Mulder and Scully a problem now - their knowledge , their experiences , their relentlessness - those things will make them vital to the resistance . " At his look , I went on , " There will come a time , in the final stages before it begins , when there are no immunes or abductees left . I think Mulder and Scully will survive that time . " " I honestly don 't know if he 's immune . That 's an unknown , and for now it 's best if it stays that way . " Rising , I warned , " If he is immune , and the group were to find out - " I moved past him , reaching for the door . " Drive safely , Mr Skinner . " I opened it , but then stepped back with a hiss . There were four soldiers in the doorway , one with a hand raised to knock . Skinner and I both reached instinctively for weapons ; my hand fell away again when I realised I 'd taken mine off . Skinner 's hand changed course , and he pulled out his ID . " Marita Covarrubias ? " the knocking soldier said . " Ms Covarrubias , you are being detained . You will be escorted to Fort Marlene , Maryland for the purposes of infection control . I do this under the authority of the United States Department of Defence and the Federal Emergency Management Agency . " Skinner and I stared at one another . " What ? " I demanded harshly . " But I 'm smallpox immune , just like all the other adults that were in Payson today . " * No - one was supposed to know that . * My hand tightened on the doorknob , my mind running over the implications of this development at lightning speed . Skinner was watching me closely . I held on to my control , but I could feel the blood drain from my face . I felt my free hand twitch , moving instinctively towards my abdomen , but I stayed it . I shook my head . " No . I went to an anonymous clinic . I paid cash . I didn 't want anyone to know , " I added pointedly . I was beaten , and we all knew it . Skinner was looking at me compassionately ; the soldiers in mild irritation . My mouth was dry , my breathing shallow . She didn 't answer - I knew she wouldn 't . " You may pack toiletries , books , magazines , medications , and a change of clothes for your release . Any item you take into quarantine which is not able to be sterilised will be destroyed when you leave . " " What do you want with us ? " I demanded , this time in a fury of fear and despair . " I 'm not coming until you tell me ! " " I 've got enough jurisdiction to blow what happened in Payson wide open , " he warned . It was an idle threat , and I think they knew that , but they exchanged worried looks . " This woman is a respected emissary to the United Nations - not a criminal . How about a bit of decency ? " More looks , but at last , they nodded to each other , and the woman turned back to me . " This particular strain of the pathogen is known to cross the placenta , even in immune mothers . You need to be quarantined until it 's over . " Dimly , I heard Skinner arguing with the woman . She said implacably , " If she haemorrhages in a medical facility , she could infect medical personnel or other patients . She must be cared for in a secure quarantine facility . " I stared up at her , hating her . The woman shrugged . " She probably won 't start to bleed for a few days , then it will be five to ten days , then a D & C and a few days recovery . I 'd say between two and three weeks . " Skinner came and sat at my side . " You okay ? " he said softly . Wordlessly , I shook my head . My hands were wet with tears I hadn 't realised I 'd shed . " Is there someone who can be here for you ? Family ? " I hesitated . " It 's not as simple as that , " I said at last . " He would find a way , but I can 't contact him . Any calls I make from Fort Marlene will be monitored - mostly to make sure I don 't call a journalist at the New York Times - you know how it works , " I added . He nodded . " There are people who would like to know where he is . " I looked up at him . " You don 't know what you 're offering , " I said at last . " It would involve turning a blind eye to someone and something you might not feel you should . " I hesitated . I was uncomfortable with this on a host of levels , beginning with the enmity between Skinner and Alex and ending with the fairness or lack thereof of involving him ; but when I got right down to it , I knew I couldn 't endure these three weeks without him . There was a more practical consideration , too : If Alex couldn 't contact me for that long , he might endanger himself trying to find me . Skinner was watching me . His look was kind , but neutral . If I said no , he would not press me ; but I reluctantly realised that I didn 't have that option . He sat back a little , breathing out audibly . " I wasn 't expecting that , " he said quietly . " If you don 't feel you can - " I shook my head . " He has diplomatic papers . He 'll need help getting in and out of Fort Marlene , though . I 'll be in minimum - security quarantine , I expect - the danger only seems to be direct blood contact , from what they 're saying . " I pulled out my diary and tore out a page . I wrote quickly . " This is the number you need to call and the Russian phrase you 'll need to use to talk to an English speaker . Ask for Nicolai Arntzen . You 'll be asked for your name and who gave you the number . You 'll say Dmitria Arntzen . You 'll also need to say that it 's Condition Bright Orange - that 's an urgency rating . It means of the highest urgency but not involving a danger to life . " I gave him the paper . " Repeat it back . " I shook my head . " I don 't think so . The Smoking Man will eventually find out you helped us , but he won 't care - not for something like this . " He nodded , seeming to accept this . I said curiously , " Why are you doing this ? " He glanced at me sideways . " Call it an act of contrition . My wife - ex - wife went through this a few years ago . I wasn 't there , " he admitted . " Just one in a long line of sins of omission . " He shrugged . " Besides - even Krycek can 't be all bad if the Smoking Man wants him . " I stood at the desk , shivering ; the cold of the floor seeping through my paper slippers . My gown was like an oversized coffee filter , and provided about as much warmth . I looked longingly at my pyjamas on the counter , waiting to be put in safe custody with my other personal effects . " Ateni , Georgia , former Soviet Union . " That one always puzzled me . Was I supposed to say Soviet Union , as it had been when I was born , or Republic of Georgia , as it was now ? " You should know ; you apprehended me there , " I snapped angrily . The woman shot me an annoyed look , but filled in the information herself . I turned away , wanting to collect myself . Another computer screen , recently in use , a file on screen , a familiar name catching my eye . As I noted the dates , I understood what I was reading , and I felt a glimmer of excitement , even through my worry and my distress . I scanned it as quickly as I could , memorising the information . Dana Scully . . . Emily Sim . . . Marshall and Roberta . . . Dr Ernest Calderon . . . Pharngen Pharmaceuticals . Alexi had stared at me for a long moment , then let out a whoop and swept me up by the waist . He 'd even turned with me , like a jock with his high - school sweetheart . It was the sweetest , silliest thing . " Pregnant ? " he laughed ; and I laughed too , gazing down at him , letting go of my fear for a precious moment . " How ? When ? " " I think it was St Petersburg . I missed my pills while I was looking for you in Tunguska , " I explained , sliding my arms around his neck , and I found myself smiling at his joy . I wished - how I wished - I wished it wouldn 't fade . " Who cares ? " he burst out . " We 're having a baby ! " He twirled me a bit more , holding me close against him ; but then he suddenly stopped , letting me down . " Wait - we 're having a baby ? " he said in a sombre voice . " We - we can 't have a baby , " he said in a low , shocked voice . " I 'm - I 'm running guns . . . you work for the most dangerous men on the planet . " Then , slowly , " We can 't even keep ourselves safe . " " Look at the Donovans , " he said softly . " Diana sees those children twice a year . They 're raised by old Donovan 's nannies while she mixes it up in Tunisia . I don 't want that for our child . " He stroked back my hair tenderly . " Oh , Mare . " He rested his forehead against mine . He sighed , said in a low voice , " What the hell are we going to do ? " He dismissed this at once . " No , there isn 't . You don 't want an abortion , and neither do I . " I breathed a sound of relief . He pulled back to look at me piercingly . " You 've got to get away from the group , " he said suddenly . " There 's no other way . " I stared at him . " We need their information . We need their money , Alex ! If I stop working for them and the UN , that 's twenty thousand dollars a month we have to find someplace else . We 've cut back to Tunguska and Kazakhstan - there 's nowhere left to cut ! " I longed to do as he said , I really did ; but I just couldn 't see it . " We don 't need their information , " he said eagerly . " We know more than they do . We can find money some other way . I 've got some intelligence on a World War II bunker full of army seizures in Belgium . " He was smiling again , glimmer of his earlier joy . " We 'll find a way , Mare . " I was smiling too . His optimism was infectious . " They 're watching , Alexi , " I warned . " If they get wind of me liquidating assets , they 'll know I 'm going to run . And Spender knows exactly where I 'll run to . " " No , he doesn 't . He knows about Tunguska , but he doesn 't know about Kazakhstan . We 'll move it all down there - shut Tunguska down . " He shot me a beatific smile . " We could live together like a normal family , Mare . This could be a blessing . This * is * a blessing . " I wonder , now , if Spender 's surveillance turned up the fact of my pregnancy and my cautious moves towards cleaning up my affairs . I don 't think I did anything obvious . I didn 't see a doctor . I purchased prenatal vitamins in cash . I was oh , so careful not to make conspicuous visits to the bathroom at work . I sold some shares and bullion , but I left my mother 's estate alone . But who knows what level of surveillance is in place ? It is something I dare not contemplate , because the constant speculation and paranoia would drive me mad . But they apprehended me on the information that I was pregnant ; they must have known . And Spender , that bastard Spender , knowing of my plans and my reasons , sent me into the smallpox test zone , knowing that I would lose my child , knowing that without the child , I would stay and continue to be used . Because whatever Alexi said , we needed the money and the information they could give . He stalked over to me and sat on the bed beside me , pulling me to him with a choked sound . I sank into him gratefully , my incoherent weeping muffled by his sweater . He buried his face in my hair , his fingers twisting their way into it , as though to bind him to me . He rocked me , and I realised that in that silent way he had , he was weeping , too . Dimly , I registered Skinner 's tact withdrawal . I pulled away . I said urgently , in a low voice , " The date is set , Alex . It 's closer than we thought . If we can 't refine that vaccine we 're never going to have another chance for a child . No one will . No more babies , no more children , no more people . Just - drones . " Then , miserably , through fresh tears , " Maybe this child was spared . " He shook his head . " Don 't you talk like that . Our child was murdered , and people are going to pay for that . " His voice was raw . . . hurting . " We 're going to make that vaccine work . We 're going to survive the holocaust , if only so we can make them pay . We 're not giving up and we 're not turning back . " I made a sound of pain . I whispered helplessly , " Alexi , it 's so awful to feel this life inside me dying , and to know there 's nothing I can do to stop it . Every time they examine me , the heartbeat is a little bit slower and a little bit fainter . " I was weeping again now . " It 's not fair . None of it 's fair . " My hands moved protectively to my stomach , and then I realised his hand was already there . He bowed his head against mine for a long moment , then lowered it to my abdomen , kissing me there with a tenderness I had never known from him . " Goodnight , baby , " he whispered thickly , and I shook with wracking pain , sure that no - one could hurt this much and live . I took his hand in mine . " Goodnight , " I wept in turn . And then he was there , cradling my cheek , his agony mirroring my own , and his embrace was chaste , selflessly adoring , seeking not to take pleasure or comfort , but only to bring shelter and solace . I was toying with the infant , tracing my fingers over the sweet - looking curves , the delicate features , the soft curls . I ran my fingertip down the nose sadly . When there was no reply , I looked up . Alexi was standing by the tree , ornament in hand , watching me , his expression wistful . I realised what I was doing , and hastily returned the porcelain figure to the nativity . Still , he didn 't speak ; but the lines of his face were etched with grief and compassion . His scrutiny bothered me - mainly because I suspected he had a greater insight into my state of mind than I did . Uneasily , I said , " You hear of all these war crimes tribunals . Men who did terrible things fifty years ago finally being brought to justice . It makes me wonder if the Consortium will ever be called to account for what they did . . . for the Dana Scullys and the Emily Sims of this world . " And for the unborn , I added mentally , but I didn 't say it . He was still watching with that wistful expression , but he shook his head . " I think they 'll be long dead by then . History will hold them accountable , but they won 't see trial . " He went on hesitantly , " We might , though . You ought to be prepared for that . " " Our test subjects are convict volunteers , that 's true ; but they consented to the tests with only execution as the alternative - albeit legal execution after due process . There 's a human rights abuse right there . At a stretch they could even be classed as prisoners of war . And the tests themselves may be judged down the track as a form of torture . That 's your crimes against humanity . Yeah , I can see it . " He said gently , " You should keep your journals safe , Mare . They might exonerate you . " He returned his attention to the tree , putting the ornament in place . " In the eyes of the law , it might , " he countered , picking up another . " Those are my crimes , not yours . " I shook my head . " No , Alex . You do these things so that I don 't have to . You take my guilt and make it yours . And I love you for it , " I added , smiling faintly ; and he shot me a bittersweet look . " But you can 't take my culpability - that 's as great as yours . " I watched him for a long moment , then quoted softly , " Your sins are my sins . " Sighing , he put down the box of baubles . He came over and dropped to a crouch in front of me . " Mare , whatever judgement history has for us , we know that we have done as we 've done because it was the only way . Maybe not the right way , but the only way . " His gaze locked on mine . " If we had done nothing we would be worse than them . " He smiled at that , but shook his head . " You 're crediting the wrong person . I don 't care about the world , Mare . What has the world ever given me ? I care about you . I want the world to live so that I can grow old with you . It 's as simple as that . " " I love you . " He leaned into me , gently drawing me to him , his lips meeting mine . He lingered there for a long moment . " How long have we got until Skinner gets here ? " he asked , breaking away . " Not nearly long enough , " he retorted , " but it will do . " He pulled away , his look chagrined . " Tell me again why we 're doing this . " I sighed . " Because we need friends , Alex . People who can put aside ideology now and then and just be people with us . " My voice was earnest . . . almost pleading . " But he did shake , didn 't he ? " I argued . " He might tell what he knew if he believed it was right , but he wouldn 't do it for the highest bidder . He wouldn 't do it just to sell out . If that 's not a friend I don 't know what is . " At his doubtful look , I said , " We need connections . We don 't have a home , or a family besides each other . Neither of us has friends - that 's just part and parcel of what we do . We need to set some roots down - I mean in ourselves . Don 't you feel that ? Don 't you feel it in your bunk at Norylsk when you go to sleep at night after yet another day of talking to no - one but Mikhail ? " I laughed . " I didn 't say that . All I said was , they 'd be good together . God knows he loves her . Did you see his face when he talked about her remission ? " I shook my head . " No , I 'm not going to intervene . They 'll find one another on their own . " I made a negating sound . " Mulder 's not going to self - destruct over Scully and Skinner . He sleeps with women if they happen to be there , but they aren 't his passion - not even Scully . You know that , of all people . " He flushed . " She keeps him stable , granted ; but I also think he 's more grounded in himself than you give him credit for . " I watched him for a long moment , nodding . He was right , I knew that ; but he was also wrong . " I can 't carry this knowledge and not tell , Alexi . You of all people should know that . " His look was kind . " Mare , the digital tape said that they got over a thousand ova from Scully . Probably two hundred viable embryos in the end . Are you going to track them all down and give them to her ? Then will you move on to all the other women ? " He sounded worried . I understood why , too : it was something that could become a fixation in the light of our loss . " Of course not . But this one , Alex - I know where this one is . And if she were mine , no matter how she was made , no matter that she was going to die , I would want to know . " More gently , " Wouldn 't you ? " " I 've got a recorded message queued . I 'm going to re - route it through the exchange so that it traces from the Sim residence . I should re - do it , actually - the program went crazy when I was making it , and it sounds more like a woman than a computer - generated voice . Very strange . " " I don 't see how it could . It doesn 't sound like anyone I know . Maybe the filters got mixed up . I can hack into the CIA , but do you think I can conquer Windows ? " I shot him a chagrined look . " Yeah , " he said , rising , pulling me up with him . " I was going to hold her like this , " he explained , manoeuvring me to the wall . " And then I thought I 'd touch her hair and push it back , a bit like this , " he added , suiting the action to the word . I shot him a smile . " And then I thought I 'd lean into her - " his voice dropped to a whisper " - and she 'd be so warm , and I 'd be able to smell her , and if I moved just a little bit more I could taste her , too . " He brought his mouth to mine , his lips brushing me as he spoke . " I would kiss her , " he breathed . " I would worship her . " He kissed me , first chastely , then slowly building in fervour , until he was teasing me insistently with his lips . I felt myself opening beneath him , felt my mouth welcoming him , drawing him in . His taste was exquisite ; it was wine , it was honey . We were breathing deeply , slowly , in rhythmic unison ; and I felt as though our hearts were as one . How can that sound so damn fluffy , yet be so utterly , profoundly true ? He started to pull away , perhaps to speak , but I chased him with my mouth , capturing him with my lips , drawing him back . His kiss was delicate , yet devouring ; but my wanting had nothing to do with technique . I wanted him because it was his smell and his taste and his touch that did this to me , no one else 's . " You see , " he said at last , pulling back a little ; " my wife is very beautiful . A goddess . But I don 't think she knows , " he whispered , his fingertips dancing exquisitely on my neck , " because whenever I try to tell her , I find that I can 't breathe . " " Maybe you should - " I caught my breath with difficulty " - show her . " He hadn 't even really touched me . . . but , oh , his voice , his lips . . . " Because , you see , I know something about your wife . " " I know that she likes you to be close . . . so close that there 's nothing else in the world for her but you . " I pressed myself further back against the wall . " No escape , no space , just you - " I broke off with a low sound as he moved in on me " . . . relentless . . . " and then he was moving with me , running his hand over me through my dress " . . . because she doesn 't want to be free . She wants to be yours . " I pushed open his shirt , pushed it back off his shoulders . " She is yours . " The visual was nothing . The bodies were charred beyond recognition . They could have been lumps of roughly - sculpted wood , or papier - mache , or fibreglass intended to roughly resemble the human form . But I had rinsed pathogenic oil from my husband 's eyes and nose , had tended the remains of his arm . I had watched a man I loved die in a pool of his own blood . I had engaged in the mercy killing of two horrifically burnt soldiers . Visual gore was nothing to me . My blood ran cold . Beneath the little parody we were acting out , I could see his fear . I could smell it , even through the acrid smoke and the carrion smell of the dead . This man was my husband , after all ; I knew the things that made him wake in a cold sweat in the middle of the night ; the things that made his mahogany eyes flash ebony . And what had happened here took all those fears and blew them away as nothing . " You go back and you tell them what you 've seen here , what you 've found . " My eyes widened . He wanted me to play it reasonably straight with the group . That meant that what happened here transcended political boundaries : it constituted a threat to the entire resistance . " I know who you are and I know who you work for , " Alex said coldly . Is this how they see you , Alexi ? Is this why they hate you ? " Now you go back and tell them - " His face flickered with worry . " Tell them it 's all going to hell . " He half - turned and ordered our men to take the boy away ; but his eyes were watching me the whole time . " Did he see ? " I cried . He turned back to me , his expression furious . He spat to the left of my feet contemptuously . He spat : I raced down the corridors with a pallet truck , going from lab to lab , butchering computers in a bid to extract hard drives . I worked feverishly , trembling with the adrenaline that surged through my veins . Stalking into pathology , I pulled out all the vials of vaccine and other vital samples . I went to my office , rarely used , and removed diplomatic papers . I included our policy book on the treatment of prisoners , too - I hadn 't forgotten Alexi 's caution about being held accountable for our actions later . I was prising open yet another computer tower when the lights flooded on , the low hum of the generator assaulting my ears . I retreated into the shadows . There was no hiding my presence - not with a pallet truck full of evidence - but perhaps I could get in a clear shot first . A familiar voice spoke sharply in Russian - not official Russian , but the local dialect . " Come out with your hands where I can see them and identify yourself . " I breathed a sigh of relief . Breathing out with a hiss , he lowered his own and came to me . He held me for a fleeting moment . " I was worried . My courier didn 't come back to the compound . I was afraid you didn 't get my message . " I shot him a filthy look . " He 's dead , and I 'm really pissed with you about it . He killed one of my men , and another opened fire in self - He pursed his lips in a grim line . " Marita , it 's been a fucking hard day , and I 've lost a hell of a lot more men than you have . Good men - scientists . The ultimate brain drain . " I took his hand for a moment , chastened . " * We 've * lost men . " I sighed . " Desperate times and desperate measures , I guess . I 'm sorry I was harsh . " He nodded , smoothing back my hair . " Yeah , I know . Sorry , " he added endearingly . He released me and sat on the edge of a desk . I sat on the desk opposite him , cross - legged like a child as I finished extracting the drive . I waited . At last , he said , " The firestorm was the work of aliens . I don 't think they were after the vaccine , though . Their eyes and mouths were stitched shut - I think to prevent infection with the black oil . That means they 're afraid of their own kind . " " Got it in one , " he said . " The MJ - 12 documents mention a conflict among the alien race - a certain group which considers the hybridising to be a dilution of the race . That group has killed hybridising scientists before - the Gregors , for instance . I think that 's what was happening here . " " Kazakhstan fell last night . Georgia fell at lunchtime , Azerbaijan an hour ago . I 'd say Norylsk is next on the list . We have to get what we can and get out of here - which I see you 've been working on . " He motioned to the pallet truck . " I have a truck outside . I 'll escort the cargo to New York . " " Two things , " he said , rising . He climbed onto the pallet truck , and I followed . " Firstly , you have to get the hell out of Russia tonight . Tell your peacekeepers that you have intelligence that there 's a kidnapping plot . " At my questioning look , he explained , " My second - in - " Easy , " he reproved , straightening the wheel . " Some of them are buying it . They think that I did this so that I could shut them down and smuggle the intelligence back to America . I figured I shouldn 't disappoint them , " he added ruefully . " I confiscated the vaccine vials that weren 't destroyed in the firestorm . " He gave a mirthless grin . " We could become the first people wanted for treason simultaneously on two different continents . " I stared at him in disbelief . " That means we have no base , no protection , no test subjects , no scientists , no useable passports , and almost no pathogen or vaccine . God , Alexi , what a mess , " I said , horrified . " That brings me to the second thing , " he said as we pulled up in the loading bay . I pulled the brake and manoeuvred the lever , setting the pallet in place on the back of the waiting truck . " To establish ourselves somewhere else to refine the vaccine , we 're going to need to get clear of the Consortium . You know what that means ? " I nodded , thinking of my more or less stable life in New York , the United Nations job that I truly loved ; but in an instant , I surrendered those things in my heart . " It means we have to run , " I said softly . " How ? " I demanded . " Short of surrendering the vaccine , you don 't have anything to deal . . . " I trailed off . I looked at him expectantly . He nodded . He looked rather proud of himself , albeit in a grim kind of way . " Oh , very nice . You 've got the boy , haven 't you ? " " Yeah . I infected him with the last stocks of the pathogen , " he admitted , shamefaced . " I didn 't know how else to transport it on such short notice - Mikhail was only a half hour behind me , and I didn 't have any biohazard containers . If they give us what we want , they get the boy 's testimony and the pathogen to work with . We get our freedom , and maybe the chance to end this once and for all . " I thought on this - thought hard . " I really don 't think they 'll play ball , " I said at last , " but all right . " I jumped down from the pallet truck , and he followed suit . " Alex - you do realise that the alien race might decide to proceed with colonisation now , don 't you ? " He nodded . " Sure , if they decide that hybridisation isn 't important enough to restart the work for . It depends on whether the rebels manage to take Fort Marlene . " " That 's all right ; I have precautions for both of us . " I put my hand in my pocket and withdrew a long , silver barrel with a small cross on the top . I handed it to him . " It 's called an oil stock . Priests in the Roman rite use them to carry consecrated oils . I 'm not sure if your lot does it , " I added , referring to his Russian Orthodox heritage , but he just shrugged . " I 'm not sure . We weren 't very observant . " " We were * very * observant . No pretence of faith about it - my mother just liked the outward practice of religion , " I said dryly . " She thought it gave a person structure and self - discipline . I think she was quite puzzled by people who were genuinely pious . " I shrugged . " That 's Mother for you . Anyway , you 'll notice it 's in three sections , and each section screws into the next , watertight . " At his nod , I went on , " They 're labelled CAT , CHR and INF . INF as in infirm - it 's the oil they use to anoint the sick . There 's a pathogen sample in there - you 'll remember because of its association with illness . " He nodded again . " CAT is for the oil of catechumens , which we use in baptism . That has the vaccine against the black oil . You 'll remember because baptism saves us from slavery to sin , and the vaccine saves us from slavery as drones . Got it ? " " Yeah , I got it . INF is the pathogen that makes us sick , CAT is the vaccine that saves us . " He was looking at the oil stock intently . " Officials tend to respect religious items unless they 're obviously suspect , " I explained . " If you were stopped , you would say they 're consecrated oils that you 've taken from somewhere important for your home church . If you were coming from the near or middle East , you 'd say Jerusalem . If you were coming from Europe , Vatican City . Get the idea ? " " Yes , and a third will be in safekeeping with Skinner . He 's expecting it , but he doesn 't know what it is . " At his look , I said , " I couldn 't think of anyone else who wouldn 't sell us out . " I hesitated a moment , but at last , I said , " If the rebels get all the facilities , these could be the only supplies left . We only use them to save ourselves from infection , or to barter for our lives , agreed ? " He gave a slight nod , and I went on , " Not for money , not for information . I didn 't go through all this to become a martyr to the cause . If it comes down to a choice between the work and ourselves , we choose ourselves . If push comes to shove , it only takes two immunes to keep the race from extinction . " ROMs - two bundled sets of four . " All the essential data so far . It 's not complete - that 's ninety - seven CDs - but it 's the data needed to continue the work . There 's a set for you and a set for me . I have a spare - you may as well leave that with Skinner , too . If he 's going to have us by the balls we may as well let him do it properly , " he added ruefully . Nodding , I took my copy and Skinner 's and put them into my pockets . I thought about the CDs . " You don 't think we 're going to be able to get this stuff out , do you ? " I asked , motioning to the truck . " Leave it , " Alex said , reversing the truck . " We have to get this stuff out of here - not to mention him , " he added , motioning to the boy beside me . I looked at the boy properly for the first time , noted the stitched up eyes and mouth in the dim light . I remembered what he had said about the mutilations on the alien rebels . Instead of keeping the pathogen out , Alex was keeping it in . Staring at him , I felt sick , that we had come to this . I swallowed painfully , looking at Alexi , wondering how the gentle man I knew could have done this . I had always respected his capacity to do whatever was needed , but I didn 't always understand how he * could * do it . My expression must have conveyed something of my feelings , because he said softly , " I know how he looks , Mare , but we were careful . His optic nerves are fine , and we didn 't damage the soft tissues of his mouth very much . If he survives the pathogen and the group , he 'll be okay . " " Wh - " he began , and then he saw the movement , the faint glow of headlights . " Dammit ! Mikhail ! " He looked in the rear - view mirror . " Behind us as well ! We 're trapped ! " " I 'll get the boy , " I said , opening the door . I yanked the boy by the hand , and he came , willingly . He was docile from shock - too docile . He couldn 't be incited to run . I ran as best that I could , the boy ambling comically after me . Then Alex was there , dragging him with me . We ran , and I didn 't dare look behind me ; but I felt the heat and the wind when the firestorm began . I heard the screams of our former comrades as the rebels blew up the vehicles , and I waited for them to take us too ; but they were more worried about the compound . We did have two pursuers , rebels who followed us , closely but seemingly without direction . When we finally lost them more than an hour later , we three collapsed on the ground , exhausted . My legs cramped excruciatingly . I moaned in agony , and Alex rubbed them , kneading the muscles in my calves with his hand , though his legs surely hurt just as much as mine . The boy was crying , and I held him , his head in my lap ; and he sobbed blindly until he was unconscious . " God damn it , how did they track us so far when they can 't see ? " I demanded between heaving breaths . " Neither of us are abductees ! " " Let me check , " he said , coming around me . He smoothed my hair aside and waved his mag light over it . " No , nothing , " he agreed after a long moment . I breathed a sigh of relief . " Then how - " I stopped . " Give me that . " I grabbed the mag and flashed it down on the boy , saw the telltale red mark . " Fuck ! He 's a fucking abductee ! " " Oh , shit , " he said in frustration . " Of course he is . That 's why he was at the camp in Kazakhstan . He was drawn there like the other victims . " He sighed . " Well , he won 't be for much longer . " He hunted in his pockets . " Got a lighter ? " He pulled out his pocketknife . " Any other time I 'd be glad to hear it . Ah , here 's one . " He flicked the lighter and ran the flame over the blade , and I suddenly knew what he intended to do . " No , he won 't ! " I protested . " It 's not like radar - they can sense an implant if they 're close enough , and they can use it to draw an abductee to them , but they can 't use it to find one that isn 't close by . " He was angry ; I could see that . " Damn it , that 's a better life expectancy than he has now ! He 'll be killed if we don 't ! " " We don 't know that , " I argued . " And maybe we can prevent that . But there 's no saving him if you take that chip out . " Then , in a low voice , I said deliberately , " Are you really going to hold him down and take a knife and cut out such an important part of him , to save him from a threat that might never be ? " I reached for him then , my palms cradling his face . " I know , " I said gently , blinking back tears . " And I 'm so sorry . But he 's just a kid , Alex . We can 't . " He leaned into me for a long moment , sighing ; but finally , he nodded , reluctantly . " All right . All right ! " He looked unhappy about the whole thing - which I guess made two of us . He went on with grudging fondness , " But if this kid beats me up trying to get to the rebels , you 're really gonna kiss my American ass . " There was great debate when I reported back to the group . Not only debate , but conflict . And it was explosive . It was as though the rebels had set off another flare , this one in the factions of the Consortium . Donovan wanted to side with the rebels . He argued bitterly for it . Resistance was in our grasp , he proclaimed in an increasingly gravelly voice , the death knell of a man weakening but not yet aware of the fact . The others , afraid for their lives and their loved ones , wanted to hand over a rebel they captured at an American firestorm . But Donovan was no longer convinced that co - operation would save their families . His son had been killed the previous year in a scuffle with an alien bounty hunter . I didn 't know the details , but I knew that his widow , Diana , was on the warpath , determined to join forces with Mulder and undermine the hybridisation project . To that end , she had aligned herself with Spender just before the latter 's death , with Donovan 's blessing . There were plans to place her and Spender Jr in the X Files by the end of the year . Now , Donovan found himself more and more alienated from the group - pardon the turn of phrase . He had become the sole advocate for the vaccine in a group that had discarded long - term strategy for short - term appeasement . I could see even now that his time was short . Continued dissent was a recipe for a hit . I gave him six months , and I thought even that was being generous . But this was not what alarmed me . Squabbling about hybridisation and vaccines was not an unusual occurrence among the group . Even their plans to hand over the rebel didn 't worry me especially , though we could well have used his help in thwarting colonisation ; because normally , Mulder could have been manipulated into engineering the his rescue . What worried me was Mulder 's recent outburst at a paranormal convention , during which he disavowed any belief in the alien agenda . He no longer believed in the colonisation threat ; rather , he believed the threat to be purely human , thanks to Spender and Michael Kritschgau . Thanks a lot , guys . But it wasn 't just a matter of the help the rebel could give - we could live without that . What I feared was that the rebel had knowledge of the work on the vaccine , either in Russia or Stateside . If so , and he was handed over to his own kind , he might give up that information , either on pain of torture or by way of trade for his life . In that case , the hybridisation deal with the Consortium would almost certainly be cancelled , and colonisation would begin . I shuddered at the thought . Now that the Russian operation had fallen , the only immune we knew of was Mulder , and , if we used our stocks , Alex and I . The spare stock could possibly be split between Skinner and Scully , assuming she survived the firestorms ; though in purely Darwinian terms that was pretty pointless , given her infertility . The difficulties survival posed in that case were bad enough ; the genetic quality of a race with Alex and I - or , at most , myself and three different fathers - as its sole progenitors wasn 't something I liked to think about . No , colonisation now would leave the human race nonviable . Extinction would necessarily follow . We had to get that rebel out before he was handed over - and only Mulder could do it . It hit me all at once , and the adrenaline of relief and anticipation surged through me . Despite my fears , the sense of limbo of the last two years - the fear , the struggle , the sacrifice that seemed to be without end - that sense was lifting . Things were moving . I went to meet Alex on an exhilarated high . Soon , we would be in a new land , living a new life , working without hindrance . We would be far from the Consortium , living together as a family . . . maybe even able to add to it . We would be able to take the vaccine and recover without fear of our weakness being used against us , and we could survive the holocaust . The idea of being free of those odious men , able to live something approaching a normal life left me breathless with anticipation and relief . I watched Donovan squirm when Alex telephoned , demanding all their work on the vaccine in exchange for the boy . I watched the men debating what to do , watched their fear and their disunity , and I felt just a glimmer of restitution . . . for the dark man , for my mother , for my child , for my husband , for myself . It wasn 't enough - nothing would ever be enough - but it was something . And in watching them , power , normally so insignificant to me , ran darkly through my veins like a drug . These men had killed almost everyone I loved , and we had them on their knees . It was bitter . . . but it was intoxicating . When I reached Alexi at New York Harbour , he was as hot as I was , and we stumbled blindly from the bowels of the ship , to the wharf , to my car in the loading dock , clinging to each other all the way . Neither of us was fit to drive , though , so he took me there against a wall , urgently , heedless of those who might have come across us . It was fast and frenzied and wanton , so different from anything I 'd ever known . I craved him - intensely , aggressively - always ; but this was different : we were drunk on power , on freedom , on each other . It was pure celebration of a future that was finally in our grasp . When it was over , we sat there on the wharf , our legs hanging over the side , me leaning into his shoulder , holding hands like a couple of kids . I remember it seemed strange that we could be so dark together , and then so damn cute in the space of minutes . It was as though the bond between us had purged the darkness . Come to think of it , that was pretty much the story of our life . I told him of the alien rebel and my fears about Mulder , and he reluctantly concurred with my assessment . That Mulder should believe , and intervene in the handing over of the rebel , was paramount - even more so than extracting information from the group . He entrusted me with the task of delivering the boy to Mulder and convincing him of the alien agenda once more . Meanwhile , he would stall the group until I could get the boy back . That shouldn 't have been a problem ; we expected the group would argue about the deal for a while at any rate . I left him , our kiss tender , and I returned to the boat . I retrieved the boy without incident , and led him to the car and belted him in like a child . I frowned , angry with myself , when I realised my error : in staying with Alex at the harbour , I had missed the bank . I had planned to get Skinner 's oil stock and CDs from the safety deposit box and send them , in case either Alex or I met a nasty fate with the rebels or the group . That danger seemed more acute now that I had the boy . I thought it over as I drove , and it seemed to me that my danger that day was more from the rebels ; and neither the oil stock nor the CDs could save me from that . So , at last , I decided to send my own personal supplies to Skinner , the ones I carried on my person . If all went well , I would retrieve the other supplies from the bank the following day ; if not , then Alex and Skinner would have to go on with the work . But I didn 't really think it would come to that . Neither the rebels nor the group had any way of knowing I had the boy ; the boy was infected , but he was infected with the dormant virus , not the sentient one , and his mouth and eyes were secured . So I packed the precious supplies in the prepaid courier envelope I 'd had on hand for the purpose , and left it at the dispatch office along the way . I stopped at a payphone on the I - 90 and contacted Mulder . I had picked the location for its desolateness , but it occurred to me that there was a lot of traffic on the road . I watched the steady stream of sole drivers , staring at the road intently ; and I had a sense of deja vu , a flash of memory , but it was gone before I could identify it . I felt distinctly nervous , though ; I looked over my shoulder at the boy the whole time . And when I looked up and saw him before me , his stitches free , the oil leaving him , I suddenly realised what I had been struggling to recall . |
Yay ! Year two is complete . I would love to say I am a changed blogger for it but the truth is , I am still full of the same old crazy as usual . It did seem like it went by a lot faster this year than it did last year . Not sure if its because I just feel more comfortable posting or if I am more interesting this year than I was last . This cracks me up . One , because that is the song they chose to dance to . Two , because D really gets into it . Maybe he will be a dance instructor when he gets older , no ? No really . Where ? This bah humbug thing is really starting to bother me now guys . Like , seriously . Why can 't I find the happy Christmas spirit this year ? Why is hiding ? Why is it bothering me so much ? I feel like little Cindy - Lou Who . Only , a little less patient . I think maybe I am psyching myself out about it now . I am trying so desperately to feel it , it is slipping farther and farther away . I was talking to Tommy about it today and he is feeling the same way . He blames it on me because I am usually the jolly elf getting everyone excited and pumped up . Not this year though . Not that I am dreading Christmas . I found out this past weekend that my sister is going to be able to come home for a few days and that is huge for me . I am so excited about that it just makes the absence of the Christmas spirit even more obvious I think . I just keep hoping that it will find me . You guys hope for me too . I promise I will stop complaining if I can find it so you better hope hard . Harder . Heh . Ok , just keep your fingers crossed for me then . Yep . I am one of the crazies that went out last night . I 've been doing it for over ten years and haven 't missed a year . Sorry naysayers but you just can 't beat the deals . Here is a breakdown : Started in my first line at 8pm at Toys R Us for their 10pm sale . Then to Wal - Mart at midnight . Ran home for a couple of online deals . Then Target at 4am . Sears at 6am . Home Depot at 6 : 30am . Bed , Bath & Beyond at 6 : 45 and Big Lots at 7am . Think I am crazy ? Consider this : I am two or three people away from being done shopping . Everything I bought was at least half off . Most things were more but the best was 90 % off . Now , considering I bought no electronics or computers , here is the kicker for me : I saved over $ 375 . Still think I 'm crazy ? Well , you are probably right but I am okay with that . Sorry but I 'm not rich and that money saved on things I would have bought anyway will be useful elsewhere . Luckily for me , I have very rarely run into the craziness some people talk about . For the most part , the chaos is very controlled and people are usually pretty friendly . The stores are always prepared for and deal quickly with the line cutters , rudies , etc . So , its nothing but fun and deals . Oh , and exhaustion * . I 'm getting too old for the up all night shit . I felt like I had been in a bar fight last night . No word on whether I won or not but I would like to think I did . Not that a little exhaustion will stop me next year . What about you ? Did you go out ? Get good deals ? * Hence the ramblies . Forgive me ? Written by My D . He is my little man . He keeps me on my toes and keeps me moving , but he also keeps me smiling . Mr . Chill for the most part except goodbyes . He hates goodbye . D loves with his whole being . He never forgets a face or a friend . He sees no enemy , no danger . So brave , almost to a fault , he has never been afraid to climb to the highest point in a room and jump from it . He loves for you to wrestle with him but he is cool with chillin ' on the couch all the same , as long as you are close . He is his little brother 's hero . He has been so completely amazing with K I don 't even have the words to express . It makes me all misty just thinking about it . He is just an amazing little boy and I am so thankful for everything he has given me in life . My K . My little snuggle monster . He brings a whole different dimension and view on life to our little family . He loves to be held and snuggled . Not a baby on the move like D was , he is content to sit in your lap and snuggle into your chest for long periods . Happy go lucky until he isn 't anymore and then out comes Mr . Hulk baby . He is energetic and very much the entertainer . He loves to sing and dance . He loves to be laughed at . He is much more conversational than D was . Almost more than is . My little chatterbox from the very first day . My squeakers . His personality is sharp and vibrant . He is a go big or go home type of kid . From screaming to falling to kissing and singing . Like I said before , he idolizes his brother . If his brother has it , he needs it too . If D does it , he has to try . Thank goodness he is more cautious than D though or he would end up in some hairy situations . K is dynamic . He is my little monkey and I am so thankful that he loves me as much as I love him . My health . I am very lucky to be around considering the heart problems and general lifestyle I have lived . Now , My body is back on track and I don 't ( usually ) have to worry about tachycardia or blood pressure . I almost never get sick . Of course when I do , its a doozy but for the most part , I am very lucky . Coffee . The elixir of life here recently . I would be one cranky , tired Mama without it . Its probably bad to be thankful for something so small but thankful I am . For my friends , my saving grace ( you know who you are ) ! In real life and online , I really do have the best friends a girl could ask for . I seriously don 't know how I would make it without them . They keep me sane , listen to my ramblings and keep me in place . They make me have fun , even when I don 't feel like it . They keep me grounded and I am so thankful for their grace . Ok , so the holidays are coming if I am ready or not . So , I thought I would share a few of my favorite homemade type gifts with you . These are all things I have made myself so they are legit . Heh . Anyway , homemade is cheaper and more meaningful to the recipient so try a few out . Let me know what you think about them and if there are any you would like to see or try out ! I haven 't added all of the ones I have , just a few of my favorites . For your lady friends . Well , and possible male : These are awesome big batch crafties so make some for all your lady friends . Yes , even your mother in law . First you need to make the base mix , to do this sift together the bicarb soda & citric acid in a large dry bowl . Transfer 1 / 2 cup at a time to another dry bowl , to this add any dried flowers , glitter etc . Set aside . In a small bowl mix together 1 / 2 teaspoon at a time of almond oil , 6 - 8 drops of your chosen essential oil & 6 drops of food coloring . Pour the oil mixture into the 1 / 2 cup of base mix & mix quickly before it starts to fizz . Combine with your fingertips until all color is evenly distributed . Wipe a little sweet almond oil inside your molds . Fill the molds with the mixture , packing it in firmly . Repeat this process with 1 / 2 a cup at a time , otherwise it fizzes up and is not as nice a result . You can also use different colors and scents this way . Leave the bath bombs to set for a few days . When set lightly tap the mold and ease out gently or just give away in the paper cups . Pour and press sugar into a clean and dry one quart jar . Add cocoa powder and press down firmly . Pour in chopped pecans or chocolate ( you can leave this out if you want , making sure they are evenly layered in the jar . Combine flour , baking powder and salt . Pour into jar and seal . Attach these directions to the jar : " Empty mix into large bowl and mix thoroughly . Add 3 / 4 cup of butter or margarine and 4 slightly beaten eggs . Mix until completely blended . Spread batter into a lightly greased or sprayed 9 x 13 inch pan . Bake at 350 degrees F ( 180 degrees C ) for 30 minutes or until done . Cut and eat . " ( Of course you can use your own words but don 't forget to give them the directions and don 't change the important stuff ) . For the kids : These are all great for a playgroup type exchange or even just your relatives . You can make a ton of these things pretty cheaply so be sure to make some for your kiddos . Cooked Play Dough ( Most like regular play dough ) Mix in saucepan over low heat until rolls into a ball . ( It does not have to heat long . ) Just keep it in an airtight container . If you need to make different colors , add food coloring while mixing over heat . Peanut Butter Play Dough ( For kids over 1 year ) Measure the plaster of paris into a bowl , then gradually add warm water , stirring to combine . Add coloring , then allow mixture to thicken . Add water or not to make it the consistency of thick frosting or glue . Now , you can use pretty much anything as a mold . When I did it , I used soap molds but you can use paper towel rolls or muffin pans or ice cube trays . You get the idea . It will take it a few days to harden so it just needs to be something you don 't use all the time . Important : The dust of plaster of paris can be bad for your lungs . Read the box . Ice cube trays ( plastic works best ) Pour 1 / 8 cup of warmish water into a bowl . Add one cup of the soap flakes . Mix them slowly until you have a very thick paste . Add food coloring to suit your likes ( don 't have to use much and it will dry slightly darker than it looks wet ) . Shape into ice cube trays or just make balls with your hands and put on wax paper . Let them dry for a few days before popping them out of the ice cube trays or handling the balls too much . Takes 3 or 4 days to dry completely . For the grandparents / keepsakes : Here is where I get all crazy and complicated on you guys . good news is , if you have made it this far , you can do these too . I 'll include pictures if I have them . Set up your area first . Paint on a plate with paintbrush , baby wipes for hands ( especially with toddlers ) , several balls and the little tray they come in or something to dry them on upside down . Now , gather up your little one . In my experience , its best to do this part quickly , while talking in up beat tones talking them through what you are doing . It should be over before they knew what hit them . Anyway , paint the entire palm and fingers with white paint . Be careful not to get too much on there or it will not look right ( it may take a few tries to get it just right ) . Have them grip the bottom of the ornament , trying to just make it a quick grasp and release so it doesn 't smear . See the snowmen ? Cute , right ? Let the paint dry and then decorate your snowmen with your paint pens how ever you want . Take the ball and write this year 's family memories on it . Don 't forget the date . Hang on tree . Do this every year to create an awesome keepsake for your family . Prewash and iron the fabric you intend on putting this on . Same with the hand print ornament , get your space ready . I suggest doing a dry run with your child 's hand to see about how big you are going to make your tree so you can center it easier . Ok , when you are ready , make a brown trunk at the middle bottom of where you plan to make the base of your tree . Now , make four , green hand prints palm side towards the top of the fabric , centered and overlapping over the top of the tree trunk . Slightly above and centered over that , make three overlapping hand prints . Then two , then one . See the tree ? Let the green hand prints dry and then add your star and use their fingers to dot ornaments on the tree with other colors if you want . You can also use puffy paint to make garland and such but its really cuter the less you mess with it . Before T and I started dating many moons ago , we worked together as servers in a tacky steakhouse . You know , the kind where you throw the peanuts on the floor ? When ever we worked together , he would make me a paper rose out of the little beverage napkins laying around . Usually just a single rose and would hand it to me or stick it in my apron as I walked past . It was corny but a sweet gesture on busy nights and something I got used to . Then he quit . He moved on to work for another restaurant and I barely ever saw him . Occasionally he would come in to visit all of us and every time I was there , a single paper rose . If he forgot , I would tease him about it and it would be sitting there waiting the next time I walked by . Then I quit . Moved on to other ventures and never looked back . I thought about him every once in a while , wondering what ever became of him and his paper roses . The few times I went into the restaurant he had quit the tacky steakhouse to work for , he was never there . Eventually I just gave up . Like you do when you figure you will never see someone again . Then we did . We ran into each other a year or so later and it was instant sparks . We were engaged within 6 weeks and married in a year . That was a little over six years ago and there have been many paper flowers along the way . Birthdays , babies births , date nights . Fewer and fewer through the years . They have almost stopped . We have been busy with lifes ups and downs and those paper flowers have taken the back burner . Until this week . One night , Tommy brought home a bouquet of paper roses . White and papery in a plastic kid 's cup . They were all perfectly formed and arranged in their " vase " when came through the door and thrust them at me with out pomp . I smiled and gave him a hug . Thanked him , put them on my nightstand and then went on about bathing the boys . After the boys got out of the bath , T was getting them into their pajamas while I caught up on some email when K carried the bouquet of white paper roses in to me and dumped them in the floor . Crumpling a couple as he stepped on them to crawl up into my lap . T picked them up and rearranged them back in their cup and placed them back on the nightstand , where they belonged . The next morning I woke up and rolled over face to face with the paper roses . Mostly perfect and beautiful with a few crumpled and stomped on mixed in . I was struck with how much that bouquet of paper roses represented our relationship . Not just the memories associated with the paper roses and their significance but also the imperfect bits . Our marriage has been filled with beautiful , pristine paper roses . Two gorgeous little boys , good times , lots of laughs and fun . Working together to make our lives better and our marriage stronger . Its the mix of those things . The beautiful roses and the ugly roses that make us work . That make us , us . The fragility in the balance that makes me wonder sometimes though . The ability to look past the downtrodden rose and see the pristine ones shining through is solely on my part . I want this to work . To make those perfect roses appear more often than the damaged ones is the goal . Not something that I claim to be easy , hence the mix . I guess the thing I came to realize more than anything is that sometimes you have to work harder at keeping the roses intact . Sometimes it doesn 't work . The roses can be made easily and readily but keeping them beautiful can require some work . Unattended roses , when paper or in the mind , can become sad and warped . Imperfect . On fall . Now that its almost over . I was driving back home this afternoon , down the interstate and noticed the leaves . Finally changing to all the pretty colors . Its snowing already where my sister lives and we are just now getting colors . I think that may be part of the issue with me this year . It sucks that our fall is so lame . It sucks that it never snows . It makes it really hard to enjoy the seasons for me . It just supposed to go along with the excitement and the build up . Its messing with my mojo , yo . Maybe this week will help . I am going to spend as much time as possible outside and trying to enjoy the last of the warm weather for the year . Well , hopefully the last of the warm weather . Surely it will cool off soon and I will be bothering you all whining about the miserable cold and snow . Ok , here goes . We all know how much safer rear facing in a car seat until the limit of the seat is , right ? No ? Well , it is safer . Like a lot safer . Even if their legs are touching the seat , even if you want to see their face , even if you think they want to turn forward ( never understood that logic . How does your kid know their seat even turns around unless you do it ? ) . It is still safer , especially under the age of two , for them to ride facing the rear of the car . Period . Even the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests leaving your child rear facing for as long as the car seat allows . Leaving your child rear facing until the one year mark and 20 pounds is the rule but it is the minimum . Your toddler and preschooler are at a greater risk the moment you turn them forward facing if there is an accident . In some countries the standard is to keep children rear facing until age 4 or 5 and incidentally they have the lowest fatality rates in car accidents . My D faces forward . He has since he hit 33lbs at about 20 months and hit the weight limit of the Britax he was using at the time for RFing . He has always done fine with facing forward . It freaked him out a bit at first but otherwise , he has been fine . He was facing forward when we had our wreck this past winter with no ill effects . He wasn 't sore or injured at all in what was a pretty bad wreck ( both cars totaled ) . The thing is though , it is always in te back of my mind . That he is safer rear facing . I always promised myself and my boys that I would keep them facing that way until it was not possible any more . Which I did with D at the time . Here is the catch though , when we had that wreck , we replaced the car seats * . We replaced them with fancy ones that rear face until 45lbs . Which , for some people , is a really big kid . Not around here though . D was almost 40lbs at his 3 year weight check . So , the fact that he could go back to rear facing has been nagging at me . He is happy facing forward , but he has had to ride in K 's rear facing seat a couple of times when K wasn 't with me and he was fine with that too . He is only about 6 or 7 lbs away from the weight limit , but he has reached the age where he is growing much more slowly . Do I turn him so he is safer ? Or do I not worry so much ? Leave him or turn him ? What would you do , given the facts and the situation ? * * Ok , so we all have them . I have decided its time to stop keeping them to myself in hopes that other mommies will realize that none of us are perfect . Here are my dirty little secrets for the week in hopes it will encourage me to be better . What are yours ? ~ This week I wasted paper . More specifically , I wasted a new roll of perfectly good paper streamer . It was one of those days where they were all over me . All over me , the sofa , the curtains , the walls . You get the point . I needed a few minutes to sit down , check email , breathe and the like so I went to the pantry to the magic distraction box ( If you don 't have one of those , I highly suggest it ) and there it was , sitting on the top of the bin . I handed it to D and he knew just what to do . He took into the living room , called K over and they unrolled and demolished that streamer like it was Christmas and there was a prize inside . When there wasn 't they just proceeded to tear the stream into tiny little pices and throw them in the air like confetti . A waste ? Maybe . Bought me half an hour of uninterrupted peace though , didn 't it ? ~ K , my hulk baby , is a terrible clutz . He does fine unless he tries to get going to fast or is looking somewhere else while walking the other way . He is just . . clumsy . Like his Mama . The thing is , when he realizes he is going to fall , he lets out this scream . Its a terrified , unreasonable scream like he is falling off a building . I 'm talking he is screaming before he gets half way to the floor . Par for the course when you just happen to be K but I have to admit , it makes me laugh . Like a lot . Of course , I would never laugh if he was hurt or in danger , but when he trips and lands on his hands and screams like a banshee just bitch slapped him , its funny . ~ D loves the grocery store . No clue why but he does . Every time I tell him we are going there , he gets all excited and pesters me about when we are leaving until we do leave . You would think I would learn but I don 't . Last night , in fact , I was headed out to the grocery store at bedtime ( Crazy ! ) and his daddy was going to put him to bed . D came to give me a kiss before his tubby and I let the G word slip . Big mistake . Tears welled up in his eyes and he begged to go with me . Worst . Mommy . Ever . I ended up promising him we would go today and first thing he said out of his room this morning was " Time to go to the Grocery Store ! " . All will be right again after we go I suppose but next time I am going to tell him I am going to Disney World . I think he would be less disappointed . Written by Render Me Mama is now a . com address . Phew . That seriously took some work . I was not prepared for that shit . In theory , you click the thing , sign up for your domain and in a few days time , Voila ! You have your domain . It took almost a week , lots of tears and nasty emails to my domain people , more tears because you can 't just email blogger ( how much does that suck ? ? ) and then more nasty emails . It worked though , eventually . Anyway , yay for me and RMM ! Now though , I feel the need to order new cards with the new address and email on it . Someone stop me . Or don 't . What do you think ? Oh , and also : I got rid of the Intense Debate commenting system which was another whole drawn out , crazy process . Its gone though and good riddance ! I don 't think any of my commenters had issues with it but it caused nothing but problems for me as an admin . Don 't go away . I love gloomy days . Not in an Emo , depressing kind of way . More like low pressure . I don 't feel like I have to do anything when its gloomy out . I can just sit on my duff and drink coffee or watch movies with the boys . We create a magical land of dinosaurs and race tracks in our living room . We take long naps and bake cookies . Whatever it is we do , we do it in our jammies and without feeling guilty about the things we should be doing . The laundry will wait , the dusting can sit until tomorrow . Today , we play and snuggle and nap . I really could use more days like today . Rainy and gloomy and lazy and perfect . Written by It has been fabulous . We spent the morning sitting around watching Peanuts on the television ( thank you Netflix for Wii ! ) then sat out in the yard for most of the day . It was nice to have somewhere to sit and just chill while the boys wreaked havoc on the yard and each other . We definitely need more outside toys though . Its supposed to rain the next few days though . Fine with me . Until the clumsy struck my poor baby . Again . He was running through the living room , tripped on his own feet and hit the floor with his face . It was a pretty classy maneuver . He is okay though . The worst part was us holding ice on it . A little booby helped that right up though and he was back to running around like a little wild man . Any one know how to teach my kids some grace ? I can 't get excited about the holidays this year . Its bothering me . I am usually excited about Thanksgiving at least by now if not so excited about Christmas that I can hardly contain myself . Some years I am so excited about Christmas before Thanksgiving gets here that I am totally burnt out on the idea by the time the holiday actually gets here . Not this year though and I am having a hard time finding something to blame . I got a little excited about some of the deals on toys that I have found but I just can 't get into the spirit . I am not even excited about the food people . Thats crazy talk for me . I am always excited about food . We usually decorate for Christmas the weekend before Thanksgiving but in this mood I don 't even want to think about dragging that stuff down from the attic . We just put it up there . I am really hoping that something happens soon . Keep your shit crossed people . Otherwise this is going to be a long winter . * By the way , my site is still transferring so if you try to visit and it doesn 't come up , don 't worry . You can always reach me at rendermemamadk @ gmail . com too . Ok , so we all have them . I have decided its time to stop keeping them to myself in hopes that other mommies will realize that none of us are perfect . Here are my dirty little secrets for the week in hopes it will encourage me to be better . What are yours ? ~ My boys love the vacuum . K loves to ride the vacuum . Or at least attempt to . D loves to run through the house screaming like a maniac on fire while I do it . Because of this , it offers a great distraction on days when they start to lose their shit for various reasons . This week , they are both going through a growth spurt . They are extra hungry , extra sleepy , extra cranky . Both of them . So , need less to say , I have the cleanest carpet in Georgia this week . ~ I have done all of the holiday shopping I have done so far with the boys in tow . K is too young to know or care . D however , has unwittingly tested and fondled all of his presents already . At least I know he will like them ? ~ We have lived in this house for 6 weeks . One of the main reasons we decided on this house was because of the fenced , grassy backyard for the boys to play in safely . We were so excited that they would have a yard . I realized yesterday , we have taken advantage of it exactly twice . The first time was shortly after we moved in and had some friends over . The second was the day our patio furniture was delivered the week after we moved in . Even today , I took the boys outside to play but we went out front so D could ride his tricycle . ~ K ate a bug . For real this time . I squished it on the floor of the garage with a shoe , went to get a paper towel and came back to no bug and a toddler with a disgusted look on his face . Apparently garage bugs aren 't tasty . Who knew ? ~ I let my kids have some of the raw cookie dough from the cookies we made . Shock ! Horror ! Guess what ? It was worth it . Seeing the look on D 's face . K didn 't care for it but D was immediately hooked . His eyes light up when he tasted it and he smiled his sneaky , happy smile . Written by Ever have one of those weeks where you feel like you are running in circles ? Where you are doing the same set of five things over and over ? I woke up this morning thinking that was me this week and then I realized it was only Tuesday . Damn . It has already begun . The Christmas crazies are out in full force . The road by the mall was packed and overflowing this weekend and it will only get worse from here on out . Soon people will be crowding the stores and getting ugly with the store clerks and each other . As prices fall , the looneys come out . I meant to be mostly done with shopping by now . That didn 't happen . I am mostly done buying for the boys though . That is the crazy part . People get really nasty with each other over kids toys this time of year . I wonder why that is . Like little Lanie will be happier about her Barbie if mommy goes to jail for it . The pre Thanksgiving sales have been pretty damned good this year too and that has helped . I have to admit that I am one of those people that generally tries to get things on sale but if its not and I want to get it for my kid , I don 't care how much it costs . So far though , I have saved over 80 bucks . Not bad , right ? Been using Target 's price matching policy against them . Turns out they will honor the Toys R Us holiday toy book prices and then take the Target toy book coupons on top of that . You didn 't hear that here though . Or maybe you did . And ? I got up this morning to a messy house for the second day in a row too . I hate that . I have been so good about keeping things picked up since we moved . Here is the thing though , I get tired of picking up after Tommy . I don 't mind picking up after the boys and myself . We are here all the time and make the majority of the m mess . However , T 's mess just makes me bitter . Its not really even that he is messy but he leaves stuff sitting around and doesn 't take the trash out even after I have asked him a million times in two days . Something we need to work on . So , I have been running and shopping on top of all the regular fun of being a mommy and keeping house and all that jazz . So , needless to say , Coffee has been my best friend come morning time lately . Sometimes afternoon time too . Its funny to me ( and my mother ) because I didn 't used to be a coffee drinker at all . Maybe a couple of cups a year . Then came Starbucks and I got used to it . Then I got pregnant and was breastfeeding . Then I got pregnant again and was breastfeeding . I didn 't drink anything but decaf for almost three years but it has slowly gotten more and more necessary for me to have coffe in the mornings . I supposed that is why its so bad for you . Addictions of any kind are bad . At least I am not craving Heroin or something though . So , if you can 't tell by my rambling this morning , things are just a little scrambled this week . Or at least this morning . Coffee is my crutch . What is yours ? Written by Music is a huge part of Tommy and I 's relationship . Its something we bonded over in the beginning and still connect with now . I will be posting the lyrics to a song and what it means to me every Monday ( hopefully ) . At least until I run out of interesting things to say ( Or I forget ) . Make sense ? Feel free to do your own but please link back to me and add your site to the comments below ! Been awhile , no ? I haven 't been posting MM because I didn 't have much to say regarding music and such and didn 't want to fill feeds with gibberish . This song though , I have some things to say . If you don 't know the song or haven 't watched the video , I suggest you do that first . First , I love the rhythm of this song . I admit it , I sing and dance to it in the car . Its catchy and has that mix of rough male vocals and sweet , dreamy female vocals that get into my head . BUT . It bothers me . The lyrics bother me to my core . Especially given the young audience that most of this type of music reaches . Abusive relationships are not something to be glorified . Especially by a woman that barely escaped one herself . Women should never give the idea that its okay for a man to treat a woman like crap . To blatantly threaten her and say these types of things . Even for the sake of art . Also , The truth is , women hate the way you lie , Mr . Mathers . Lies in a relationship are the number one way to kill it . Even little lies . Trust is not something that should be discounted or toyed with . To me , a lying man is an abusive man . Lies do nothing but hurt and it is a conscious kind of hurt . Not okay . Then there is the video . It got some flack when it first came out and I didn 't see it so I just kind of ignored it but then it came up in an auto rotation on YouTube a few weeks ago and I watched it . I can see how people were upset now . Not only do they describe domestic violence but they decided to show it . And make it all sexy like . " Look , this is how sexy looks , young minds ! " , " Almost punching your girlfriend in the face makes for great foreplay ! " . Or not . I know a lot of people probably thing I am overreacting or blowing it up but they aren 't me , are they ? For me , this song takes it too far . This isn 't a song about overcoming abuse , this is a song about why abuse is acceptable and worth sticking around for . To me , that is a bad message . A bad message for kids , for teens , for people who may be in an abusive relationship already . Its hard enough to walk away and break the cycle of abuse without someone serenading them and showing them that its somehow sexy . Like I said before , I like the rhythm , I like the song but I don 't like the lyrics . As a man with an abusive mother and a woman that was beaten by her boyfriend to the point of hospitalization , they had the potential to reach a lot of hurting people but this is what they chose ? Hmm . It 's been a nice weekend . T was off , so we tried to cram a ton of stuff into it , which of course resulted in all of us being totally exhausted . Saturday , I woke up mostly unable to use my right arm . Something in my shoulder had twisted or popped and I could no longer raise my arm without pretty significant pain . It made things pretty interesting . Especially getting dressed . The pain had mostly subsided by this morning but it still hurts to raise my arm over about shoulder height . Eventually , we took a trip to Toys R Us to look around and get some ideas for Christmas . Turned out they were having some kind of huge holiday kick off event and it was mad busy but we got out of there with some cool samples , a present for D and lots of great ideas . Turns out the thing I was thinking of getting as D 's big present , they had out as a floor sample type thing . He played with it for almost half an hour in the store . Which is almost unheard of for him . Now I just have to figure out how to pay for it . After a quick lunch , I took the boys home for nap time ( which apparently turned into complete hilarity on T , which I found a guilty kind of pleasure in ) and then went to Target . Alone . As in , by myself . Does it make me a bad Mama to admit it was bliss ? For an hour I wandered around , touching things I had no intention of buying . Putting them in my cart , only to abandon them later in another area of the store ( Sorry Target people ) . Lots of glass candle holders and fragile looking knick knacks . Things I normally wouldn 't bother looking at , much less pushing around in my cart for any length of time . Eventually though , I got bored and started missing the little monsters . Well , that and the frantic text messages from T informing me of the nap time drama unfolding at the house . So , I went home and we got us all packed up for the next adventure . Next thing I knew , I was driving my Chrysler minivan through a cotton field in the middle of nowhere , one handed with my family and in laws in the back , on the way to a bonfire for my husband 's step sister in law 's mother 's 50th birthday party . Still with me ? Yeah , that was fun . Then a few hours later , I got to do it again . We had a good time though . It was bitterly cold but the fire was warm . We went on a hayride too through the fields and looked at the stars . I had forgotten how many there were . Gorgeous . It was nice seeing T hang out with some of his high school buddies too . He loves to cut up and have a good time and it was nice to see him let loose . He is so shy around people he doesn 't know well and so its hard for him to make new friends . Sometimes old friends are just what the doctor ordered though . Anyway , today we got up and went to a jump house to let the boys play and we ended up all playing until we were exhausted and breathless . Turns out bounce houses are good exercise for adults too . Then the normal things again : Lunch , nap , dinner . I went out during naps again but the boys played nice and took a good nap and I was rushing around so it wasn 't as relaxing as the day before . Got a lot more done and sometimes that is what is important . I 'm feeling it now though . Being in constant movement for two days . I 'm exhausted . The boys are exhausted . Tommy is exhausted . Tomorrow though , its back to the same old grind . T goes back to work . I go back to the laundry and cooking and cleaning routine . This weekend was much needed . A little time to reconnect and find our family groove again . T working so much has taken a toll on his relationship with the boys and with me . Not been a good few months . Hopefully soon things will settle down but first we need to make it through the holidays as a united front . Hopefully this weekend helped secure that front . We will know soon . Thanksgiving is coming up fast . Are you ready ? Written by Fall sneaked up on us . Warm and toasty last week , cold and snowy this week . It sleeted yesterday here in the ATL . Unheard of this time of year but it happened . Tonight , I am sitting here on front of a bonfire somewhere way out in the sticks . Normally I hate being out this far but it feels good tonight . Maybe its the fire . Some of you know this already , but I was a preschool teacher , elementary school aid , elementary school after school teacher and a nanny for many years before I became a mother myself . As a matter of fact , I have been dealing with children in a supervisory type situation for more than half my life . Scary , right ? Anyway , needless to say , I have seen my fair share of playgrounds in my time . Along with that time , I have seen many playground follies and bullies as well . Some parents don 't seem to ever read the playground rules signs . Even if there isn 't one , there is a list of unsaid rules that kids should follow . These are basic facts of life and safety that should be common sense . However , some parents don 't seem to be aware of these , so I thought I would put the top 5 out there . Feet first down the slide , one at a time . So many kids need to hear this rule . If they are going up the slide , they face one of two outcomes . First , they will get kicked in the face by my kid coming down the right way . Second , they will keep the kid at the top from coming down at all . Now , which of these would you like to happen to your kid ? Neither ? Okay then . No Pushing . Seriously , no pushing . Even if my kid pushed your kid first it is not okay for your kid to push mine down the stairs . I will deal with my child on the pushing issue , your 3 year old needs to back off . If the height limit is 40 " and your kid is 5 ' 10 " , please for the love of all things Holy , don 't let your kids play on that playground . Watch your children . That seems like a big fat duh , right ? Well , unfortunately some mothers seem to feel that if there are other mothers standing around , that they have it handled . I have seen so many kids get hurt because they were doing something dangerous while mommy had her face glued to her phone or a magazine . Sometimes the parents aren 't even in sight . They go for a walk and leave their 5 year old alone on the playground . Kids need supervision . That is kind of the point of being a kid . No throwing mulch / wood chips / shredded tire material / whatever the ground it covered in . Balls or other actual toys are just a hazard of being around playing kids and those are fine . Ground covering = not toys . It is there to protect the kids who are clumsy ( like mine ) or are doing dangerous things while not being watched . Not for throwing . Plus , for some reason , I always manage to get things in my eye that have been thrown by some one else 's ( probably unsupervised ) little darling . Once , I got a wood particle under my contact lens . Not cool . So , lets see if we can all abide by these okay ? Simple enough , and keeps people from getting hurt , right ? Do you have any to add ? Written by Ok , so we all have them . I have decided its time to stop keeping them to myself in hopes that other mommies will realize that none of us are perfect . Here are my dirty little secrets for the week in hopes it will encourage me to be better . What are yours ? ~ I ate the kid 's Halloween candy . Now , that may sound like kind of a big duh but let me tell you guys . . I ate . it . all . Well , all the good stuff . I left the nasty cookies and cream Hershey 's and the random suckers . It was calling to me from the top of the fridge in all its unhealthy , tasty glory . It started as a " I 'll just eat the Reese 's " then turned into an all day , all night pork fest where I only ate candy . Even the crap candy that was left was still calling me but I was able to look away . ~ During nap time one day this week , I got the scare of my life . T and I were laying in our room talking while he was on a break between jobs when the doorbell rang . He jumped up and went to get it while I got some pants on to come out . It was the neighbors from across the street coming to tell us that D had opened his window and was making an attempt at escaping his bedroom window to the yard . Freaked . Out . I had tried to open his window before and I couldn 't easily get it open so stupid me assumed it just wouldn 't open . Or at least that D wouldn 't be able to open it . I was wrong . My mind has been buzzing with the what ifs since then . What if he had gotten out and gotten hit by a car ? What if he had been taken ? What if is a scary and terrible thing as a parent . Add in the guilt of having tried and dismissed the threat and I officially feel like the worst parent on the planet . ~ A little back story on this one : My mother stayed with us on Monday night . She does that sometimes when she wants to spend a little extra time with the boys . Also , I have mentioned a couple of times that D has started having a little anxiety and nightmares . Normal for the age , not worried about it , its only happened a couple of times . Also , also I had changed his sheets . Anyway , I let D pick out a movie for him and his Nana to watch while I made our dinner and he picked the movie " The Incredibles " . Now , he has seen that movie a hundred times but not in a few months so I thought nothing of it . He seemed fine and watched the whole thing , in two parts because of dinner , and then we started getting ready to go to bed . When my mom went to tuck him in , he had a minor freak out about the sheets . He insisted I put the rocket ship sheets back on his bed or he was just not going to sleep in there . That should have been the first warning sign . Put the blankets and pillowcase back on and he calmed down and went right to sleep . About an hour later though , he woke up screaming in a complete , sweaty panic . I got up and ran into his room and he was sitting up in his bed , thrashing around and screaming at the top of his lungs . It was the kind of nightmare that he was having a hard time waking up from . It took about five minutes , a glass of juice and some serious snuggles for him to calm down . Once he did , he told me he never wanted to watch " scawy movie " ever again . I agreed whole heartedly and almost threw it in the trash as soon as I left the room . My poor bubs . ~ I hid in the bathroom . Again . This time in public . I was out with all three boys and seriously just needed a minute . Or five . So , I excused myself to " use the bathroom " and let T wrangle the two wild , screaming monkeys while I sat in the quiet bathroom and checked Twitter . It was nice but not long enough . Also : no candy . So , anyone else eat their weight in candy then nearly lose / scare thier kid to death only to hide from them in the bathroom later ? Or do I officially win Mother of the Year ? Le sigh . |
Well , here I lie in my glass coffin , not entirely alive , but not entirely dead either , like a frozen soul waiting to thaw out , waiting to be seen , watching the world pass me by at a bewildering distance . Better that than from the midst of it all , you ask ? Or maybe better from heaven or any other detached distance than not at all ? Why is there such opposition in the world to women who really live ? Only in the glass casket do we seem to be entirely acceptable . Once the first excitement , the first sigh of relief of being alive - actually alive and in front of the prince ! - has been sighed , everything becomes a matter of great anxiety . What should you do with this precious life ? And often the anxiety gets compounded with questions like , are you good enough ? Pleasing enough ? Pretty enough ? Sometimes it seems easier to just stay frozen under glass . But of course I 'm not in heaven . I didn 't properly die . I 'm merely a matter of arrested development , or arrested enjoyment of life , if you will . Sometimes this makes me cynical , and sometimes not . There 's one thing you can practically count on , though : there is always an apple somewhere . If there 's an apple involved , it 's always a given that something of significance is going on . If you don 't want to take my word for it , ask Eve , ask Helen of Troy . They told me one wintry day my real mother was in one of her most dreamy states , sewing by herself in her room . She stepped to the window with her sewing in her hand , drawn by the beauty of the snowy world outside , dazzled by the gently falling sparkles . The window frame was ebony wood , rich black . She stood in the frame of the black wood in front of the snowflakes drifting down like a glittering curtain of peace . It was so heartrendingly beautiful that , for a moment , she stopped paying attention to what she was doing , and she inadvertently pricked her finger with her sewing needle . Three drops of her blood fell into the pristine snow on the window sill with its biting scent of winter . Three drops of blood falling on snow is usually another sign , much like the ubiquitous apple , that something significant is going on . Anyway , I like to imagine that she was already pregnant with me . Maybe she was feeling sad that day . Why sad ? Well , I figure she must have been . I never met her , obviously , but from the stories I 've been told , she had a fairly melancholy nature , and sad was probably how she felt most of the time . Those who aren 't always sad are more likely to go to a party or a ball than sewing by themselves in their room . After all , she was the queen and sewing for her was pretty much optional . She could easily have asked one of her servants to do the sewing for her . What I suspect happened was that my father was already carrying on with my stepmother . Maybe I was even my own mother 's last ditch effort at something , though I don 't know what exactly she might have been hoping for . At any rate , by the time I was born , her trust in the benefits of living must have faded and so she opted for the face - saving way out . She died in childbirth . If I ever get out of here and get married , I sure hope my marriage will be different . Don 't we all , though ? One thing 's for sure : Daddy 's remarriage had nothing to do with getting a new mommy for me . I can just see her begging Daddy to marry her , pouting , and maybe kneeling in front of him , kissing his hand . Actually , that last scenario , hand - kissing and all , is a picture I find a bit hard to image . Could have happened , though . In any event , Daddy would have told her , no , he couldn 't possibly divorce my mother . Not even for her . It just wasn 't done . Besides , my mother was pregnant with me . Protecting unborn children was always of the highest priority . There was even a chance I could have come out as the boy child Daddy coveted , though in the end it turned out otherwise . Q ' An glittered and glided right into place with her exotic beauty . There was nothing , but nothing , maternal about her . Ever since I 've known her , her name was Q ' An , which , she insisted , had to be spelled exactly that way , " Q ‑‘‑ A ‑ n , " but it had to be pronounced " queen . " Whatever , right ? She sparkled like a ballroom dance professional . There were always tons of rhinestones sculpted all over her dresses in the most fascinating patterns . Her favorite colors were greens and blues . On her fingers and at her throat she wore her real diamonds . And she usually had rhinestones or diamonds , or both , somewhere in her hair . When I was little , I loved to play with lost rhinestones that lay scattered on the castle ballroom floor . I don 't recall her ever losing a diamond . Well , Q ' An was clearly not retiring . Not she . We had ball after ball , and afterwards I was allowed to play with the lost rhinestones I would find on the ballroom floor . There was no need for Q ' An , or her servants , to find them and glue them back on , for naturally she never wore the same ball gown twice . Just as there had never really been any need for my mother to sit around in the corner or by the window and do her own sewing . The mirror always said , " You are , Q ' An . " I only got to see her do this a few times , because she really didn 't like to have me hang around her all that much , although I loved to watch her . She was so graceful . The few times I did watch her with her mirror , she 'd have this gorgeous smile on her face . I loved that smile . It was the warmest and fuzziest smile you can imagine , warmer and gentler than any smile I ever saw her give another human being . Pure bliss . I didn 't know any of this then , of course , but you can well imagine that , with all her beauty and her status as the new queen , she had a lot to lose . Having been diddled by my Daddy while my real mother was still alive , she now experienced two things at the same time . Triumph . And fear , which is probably the hallmark of all competition . Unlike a ballroom dancer , she couldn 't rely on practice and expertise or talent to further her cause . No , she had only her beauty , which was neither earned , nor deserved , and she couldn 't actively use it to compete at all . All she could do was eliminate any and all potential competition . In the oldest tales they claim that she was just plain vain . Well , from what I learned by lying around here in my glass confinement is that no woman is really just plain vain . We all typically end up preening for our dinner one way or another . Unless of course we 're particularly good at sewing or doing hair , in which case we can possibly earn our keep by helping someone else preen for her dinner . I can 't really see much advantage in that either . Well , for Q ' An a fate of sewing or doing other people 's hair would definitely not have been appealing . She would probably have said , " No way , " which happened to be one of her favorite expressions . But it 's never that clear cut either , because she could well have changed her mind . It 's amazing how quickly you can change your tune when you fall on hard times . Believe me , I know . I would never have dreamt I would one day be doing dishes for dwarfs . For a good while things were okay at the castle . I grew up playing with lost rhinestones and pieces of scrap velvet , and I ardently admired Q ' An . I do want to mention that playing with rhinestones was not exactly my life 's ambition , but there wasn 't much else to do , and I had to play with something . As most children are , I was bored to tears by having nothing to do except devise sparkling ways of entertaining myself . Naturally I also learned a lot by watching Q ' An . How to lift up my ribcage to good effect , how to let my head float on my neck just so . I never cared to imitate her manners , though . For one thing , she complained too much , and she accused too much . Everything was always someone else 's fault . Everybody was always ruining her stuff , from handkerchiefs to vegetables served and tea water not caught at the precisely correct moment to make her tea palatable . But I did learn to imitate her way of physically carrying herself through the world , head held high , the distance between ears and shoulders as wide as possible , shoulders back , and moving through any space as though she owned it . I 've never worn a crown in my hair , not yet anyway , unless you count wearing little circlets of daisies , buttercups , and cornflowers . But one day I will no doubt wear a real crown . If I ever get out of this coffin , that is . There are no guarantees , especially if you 're not quite sure if this experience is in fact life . Or is it death instead ? Or is it simply being on hold , stalled in some potentially magnificent development ? I ask you , how could I not be ? I never had any worries , never anything to complain about . Unless I was dreadfully bored , I was enthusiastic about almost everything in life . I welcomed whatever came my way , rhinestones , hamsters , butterflies - I loved them all . I was happy in a way she had long forgotten how to be , if she had ever known such sunny happiness in the first place . The mirror 's judgment was unacceptable to her , of course . Not that she suspected Daddy of any leanings toward incest . After all , she was then still practically a child herself and could take care of all his needs , whatever they might turn out to be . But in a life - long practice of competing , sometimes the goal of the competition gets lost in the process , and then suddenly competition itself becomes the goal . It 's like politicians vying for power until at some point nobody even thinks to ask anymore : So then , when you have all that coveted power , what will you do with it ? That 's how it was with Q ' An and beauty . She needed to be the most beautiful . She needed to be the best . She needed to be every superlative possible , without ever asking why and what for . And so my own developing beauty was definitely a threat to her pie . She couldn 't possibly eat the whole pie all by herself , but she would be damned before she was going to share a piece of it . After all , she might have use for dried - out pie crumbs in some nebulous future . I can understand her , you see . After all , among other things , Daddy definitely required her to be his pretty trophy , his arm candy that earned him the admiration of his fellow men for having snagged her . Which isn 't too far afield from this prince of mine . He , too , fell in love with me while I was preserved in glass , where nothing ever changes and I remain an adorable and possibly adoring child . The ultimate question is , will my prince be content once I revive and become real ? Or will he regret then that I haven 't remained frozen in convenient and unforgettable immobility ? Will he be able to live with the reality of me being something besides a cherished trophy ? I know it 's risky . I don 't even know what life is like for a woman . No one has taught me much . Do I sit in the corner by the window like my mother and sew ? Or do I strut around in party dresses like Q ' An and say yes and amen to everything that Daddy might require ? Then again , a man , no matter how princely he might be , probably doesn 't know what life with a woman entails either . No one teaches men what to expect any more than they teach women . Let 's hope for the best . Oh , come on , stumble already . Stumble , my love , so that this prison shatters . For life is better than death . I was quietly playing in the garden , the way I had been taught . Be seen at most ; never be heard . Best not to be in evidence at all . I was playing with the roses . My favorite game was counting their heads , their blossoms , rather , but in my game the blossoms became heads of people . I played an elaborate elimination game with them . I counted off blossom after blossom and eliminated ones with a certain number , and the very last rose left would be my special friend and protector for that day , or for that hour if I was particularly bored and felt like playing again . At least all those numbers that I had to count and keep track off kept my brain busy . I was a little frightened of him . For one thing he was so big ; or else I was just very small compared to him . He was meaty , a bit like the older Marlon Brando . For another thing , I 'd never been on an adventure in the forest before , especially not with a man . He smelled funny , too , like old butter , and also a little like dog , and I 'd always been afraid of dogs anyway , especially their teeth . I always walked a step or so behind him . That wasn 't because I couldn 't keep up with him , but more because he obviously didn 't want to talk , so I didn 't . With most other adults I would have reached for one of their hands , which oftentimes they seemed to like also , and it usually made me feel good and safe . " Come here , " he said . He held a large spotty knife in his right hand . He rubbed it on his leather apron as though to clean it . I stepped back . " Don 't hurt me , " I whimpered . He lifted his knife . " Don 't kill me , " I begged , even before I quite realized consciously what he was planning to do . " Why ? " I asked . Then I fell on my knees , preparing to seriously beg . It had worked for me on the few occasions when I had fallen on my knees in front of Q ' An . Maybe it would with her henchman as well . He looked uncomfortable ; his face was still like a poker player 's , ruddy , fleshy , and sullen . His eyes did not meet mine . " Please let me live , " I begged . I believed that I had the power to stop him . Nobody would kill a pretty little girl like me , would they ? " I 'll go away , " I said . " I promise you , I 'll go far away . " A boar came crashing through the underbrush toward us , grunting , and the hunter threw his knife at the running , snuffling shape in a skilled arc . The boar squealed , went silent , squealed once more , a long , high sound of complaint . Then the beast gave a few muffled grunts and its massive shape shuddered . Finally it lay still on the ground . I imagined him arriving back in the castle , all bloody , handing over the two tokens of my death . I imagined Q ' An being a little surprised that he was not greener in the face , and she probably immediately earmarked him for future difficult assignments , as he seemed to be able to move swiftly and untouched by fastidious emotion . But it never came to that , for he left her employ that same day . Nobody ever got to ask him any questions or give him further assignments . Nor could Q ' An take revenge on him once she discovered that she had been deceived . You bet I was frightened ! I 'm one , or was one , who was frightened to reach for matches in the dark in case a spider had settled on the match box . I was frightened to walk anywhere at night in the castle unless the whole place was lit up . With so many corners and shadows everywhere , a single candle was hardly ever enough for comfort . So suddenly I am here in this forest among all these crawling , cawing , hissing , chirping things - and the wind whipping small branches into my face . I lived because after a while you simply do . Berries , nuts , acorns . I figured if a squirrel could eat it , so could I . Fortunately it was fall . Speaking of food , Q ' An promptly had the lungs and liver boiled and salted - an interestingly plain way of having me prepared , compared with the more elaborate ways in which she was in the habit of having her other meals served . But this time , plain and simple was what she wanted . Then she sat down to eat my lungs and my liver . Or so she thought . It was funny , I thought . I could actually go for a long time - 15 minutes , maybe - and completely forget about it . It wasn 't until I had to reach in a certain way , or stretch backwards , or until my stomach growled , maybe , that I realized again who I was , and what I was , and what was happening to me . Those moments , those sudden spasms of forgetting where none of it had happened - were blissful , but brief . I was driving to pick up my sister after soccer practice . I had the radio on , tuned to the hits station she liked . I really didn 't like it , but leaving it on that station was easier than fighting about it once she climbed in . I just let it play - the insipid tunes , the mindless chatter from the DJ - giving me background music for the movie of my life . Ever since my life blew up , raining down burning pieces of existence like the climax of a buddy cop film , simpler has been the goal for me . It was a simple , stupid mistake . Not made out of sloppiness , really , or total self centeredness , just sort of a mixture of both - a mutual loss of control . I could blame him , rant and rave and curse my lot , but I was there , too . I could have insisted . And I didn 't . Blaming is pointless at this juncture , anyway . Someone on the radio was singing about how they think they are in love . Good for you , I think , turning the wheel to make a hard right turn , feeling the seat belt press against me . There 's my reminder , right on time - a routine , instinctive motion , that is suddenly less comfortable . . Not that my mother fails to remind me of my status . I love my mother - who doesn 't love their mother , right ? - but I really don 't need to be reminded . I know it was dumb , poorly timed , a burden on everyone - I understand it . Besides the routine tensions of living in a house with two other women - a notion that gets harder as my sister gets older - there is the insistence , by both of them , that I be constantly reminded that I messed up . I appreciate all that my mother does - really , I do , but still - it was an error , I get it . I felt a twinge - not a pain , just a lurch , sort of - to emphasize the point - somewhere in there . I eased our van into line with other parents ' vehicles , waiting my turn to pick up my charge . I saw Angie at a distance , recognizing her easily among the ponytailed horde . Being an older sister , I have been picking her out of crowds for a long time . She was standing with two other girls , a taller one I knew and a shorter one I didn 't recognize . I wondered if they were talking about me , then discarded the thought almost as quickly . They have their own little trials to worry about - rumors and fears and scandals and the thousand little slings and arrows of girl life . I felt a wave of sadness - I knew what troubles she had coming , generally speaking - not the exact source of drama , but the type would be the same - betrayals , breakups , boys - passions without reason causing heartache that feels eternal . I still wanted to protect her , as annoying as she often was , from this sort of hurt - from any sort of hurt . I knew it wasn 't possible . She had guitar tomorrow , so I was going to see him . He wasn 't like anyone else I knew - he looked , but didn 't stare , he listened , without judging , he heard without my having to repeat . In a different world , with a different me - sure , I could see it happening . He wasn 't devastating , but he was nice enough looking , I supposed , and he was sweet and had really good taste in music . And despite what they thought , and despite what had happened , I was still a girl , and - Just stop it , I ordered myself . Don 't even go down that road . You know you can 't . So stop . Don 't . You 're not doing that , period . You have too much on your plate . I pulled up to the curb , and , after a pause , Angela broke off from her friends and brought a pair of bags to the car door . I hit the button to unlock it , and she climbed in , shutting it behind her . I could smell the air change - mown grass and exhaust fumes and sweat . " What 's for dinner , " she asked . It was a lot of work to prepare dinner and clean up , but someone had to do it - she was too young and Mom was too tired . I sighed quietly . " Chicken , I think . " There was some chicken thawing , and I had about 11 minutes to come up with something to do with it . My feet ached with the thought of 60 , or more , minutes standing in the kitchen . I looked out the window at the rain . I liked rain , actually - it is a silent signal from the universe - you may have planned to play ball , or drive to Denver , or walk the dog - but I 'm going to do this to you . Deal with it . It makes people adjust . It feels like all I do is adjust to other people , so when I watch other people have to change , it makes me smile a little bit . Petty of me , I know . The laptop was on my mattress , my paper pulled up and waiting for my attention . It needed rearranging , cross referencing , and hours of rewriting - but when I heard the rain start to murmur against my wall , I immediately opened the window to stare at it for a while . The room started to get cold , and I was tired . Tired of working for other people , scheduling for other people , putting my needs aside so that they can have their way . Again . The radio was on the classic rock station , and I heard the tinkling piano and faint sound of dripping rainwater at the very beginning of " Love , Reign O ' Er Me " . I always wondered whether this song would have been programmed to play since this morning , or if some clever DJ snuck it on there when he heard the rain pelting his own window . I knew which one it probably was , and which one I wanted it to be . I had to admit , as stuck as I was , watching the rain and not doing my work , I was thinking of her , too . She was being rained on , too , at work , maybe , or at home , feuding with her sister , perhaps . She insisted I couldn 't love her , and all sorts of reasons laid out why it was impossible . If she had one of those big pads of cream colored paper , she would probably lay them out for me , in Sharpie , made into an outline . I knew what they were - we had been over them , together and separately . It was romantic , dashing even , to declare that I didn 't care about them , that I wanted her beside me on this tiny mattress , complaining about being cold from the wind and needling me about getting back to my work . She 'd tell me that someone needed to be the responsible one and get their degree . And she 'd be rigTags : beginnings , michael webb , rain The date began badly . First , she turned up her nose at my suggestion of sushi : " Ew ! I want real food ! " So we found ourselves at a picnic table eating hamburgers and fries , hers dipped in a large pile of blubbery mayo . But I 'm a gentleman , so I suggested wine at my place ( she was French , after all ) , but she said , " No , that 's boring , " and next thing I know we 're down by the lake drinking Jaegermeister . Jaegermeister , for chrissakes ! Haven 't drunk that stuff since college . I managed not to puke this time , even when she said , " I 'm going to fuck you now , oui ? " What could I say ? I was powerless in her hands , her mouth , her cunt . She scared the hell out of me , from her rock - hard nipples to her abundant thighs to her curious tongue . I envisioned news flashes next day : Culture Clash : Carniverous Frenchie Fucks Shy Biology Teacher Dead . She was all energy , grinning and grinding , sound and sexual fury . I ached for days , especially where my knee wedged into the dashboard . How she fit all those ways I never did figure . I kept her number for a long time . " Call me , " she said as she slipped the paper into my jeans pocket . Not a question , more a demand . I wanted to , I really did . Some weeks later , my sister called . " You gotta come visit , see what I purchased with the help of Uncle Robbie 's money ! " She sounded excited , so I drove across the state line the following weekend . I rang the bell and adjusted my new glasses , sure she 'd notice them right away . She threw open the door with her characteristic enthusiasm and greeted me with a new set of D 's , maybe even Double - D 's . I hugged her , mindful not to squish her new acquisitions , and followed her in , my mind responding in overdrive : Good Lord , Patricia , what have you done ? I am reading Foucault , have a copy of Discpline and Punish right here in my bag . Wanna read it ? No , of course you don 't . I wonder if my $ 300 left over would get me a downpayment on a set of those . I couldn 't afford D 's of course ( and they are ridiculous ) , but C 's might be quite sensible … " You have new glasses ! " Patricia interrupted . Damn the T . Here I am , stuck in a stalled train teetering over the Charles , barely breathing . People pack the car , suits and students wedged in tight near doors , hanging from poles . Faces grim , no one talks ; I bet they 're obsessing about the billions of gallons of cold , murky water below . I know I am . A cross - wind rocks the train . Lights from the Boston side shimmy on the pitch water . Late again for my shrink session . What an ungodly waste of time . I slam the textbook , shove it into my backpack and grope for my MP3 player . Radiohead loaded , I riffle though the week 's mail : Poets and Writers , Neuroscience , phone bill , AmEx , and a green envelope from the Harvard University Office of the Bursar . I yank out the earplugs , snatch my cell . A ring . Good , at least there 's a signal , but then the answering service beeps . I sigh into the phone . " Moth - er . It 's me . Ben . " Pick up , pick up . She doesn 't . " Uh , I got another tuition bill . It 's the third notice . Did you guys pay it ? It 's like , uh , three months late . They 're gonna kick me out if it isn 't paid in two weeks . " Another pause . " Call me . Tonight ? Please ? " Knees jittering , my damp palms rub my jeans . It 's so hot , so humid , all this carbon dioxide exhaled by my fellow prisoners steams up the windows . I rub a circle on the glass . Distorted lights reflect on the pitch black river . The air bears down . My throat constricts . Jesus , let me out . Let me out . I shut my eyes and breathe . The car lurches . Passengers grab rungs , smiling and chattering in relief . The train slides into Kendall Square . The door eases open , chilled air assails me . I bolt up the stairs into the murky evening . Low lying clouds spit icy flakes . By the time I arrive at Bruce 's office , sweat streams in a rivulet down my back . My heart hammers in my ears . I burst into the room and blink in the fluorescent blaze . " The frigging T broke down . " I yank out my water bottle , then tug off my damp sweater . " Jesus , it 's a sauna in here . " Bruce 's eyes follow me pacing the room like a caged rat . He closes the door , flicks off the overheads . I sling myself onto the oxblood couch , worn shiny from time and distress . " Mental health epidemiology and I know nothing about epidemiology , I can barely spell the word . " I gulp from my water bottle . " Let 's see , there 's a class on clinical trials , it 's excellent but I have to bone up on stats , too . Whew . And , uh , one last core biology class , no problem there , and an upper level neuro class , also no problem , but both have labs and small group assignments that eat up tons of time . And creative writing on Friday mornings , memoir this semester , but not for credit . And , of course , there 's that honors thesis . " I can 't corral my grin . " Well yeah , now that you ask , there 's this girl . Phoebe . Beautiful name , huh ? Phee - bee . As in one of the original Titans , the one who consorted with her brother Coeus . Remember ? Anyway , she 's a med student , in my neurobiology class - and we 're in the same study group ! She 's gorgeous , simply gorgeous , with these amazing hazel - green eyes . And hair , you should see , like liquid gold , and - " " Ah , yes . Yes I do . " I bounce on the leather , instantly back in a good mood . " I can 't stop thinking about her . She 's an artist , works with clay . And quiet , kind of reserved . But a nice person . A good person . " At least I hope so . I chalk up her coolness to start - of - the - semester nerves - I get that way , too . " She 's different . Oh , and smart - did I tell you she 's in med school ? " My legs stop jiggling . " Eh . I got over it . Took the train home to New York , found Pops alone in the study smashed on Scotch , snuck up behind and garroted him . " " That 's reassuring . " The pencil scratches for what seems a long time . I pick at a cuticle . " Really , though , how did you process our last session ? " |
Liza watched Bruce disappear up the street and wondered again where he lived . She glanced down at the clock on the dashboard . It was ten twenty - four . Casey would be asleep by now , so she circled around until she found a parking spot . She grabbed her bag and headed into the square . Adams Square was a big park that took up a city block . It was meticulously landscaped with various bushes , trees , and flowers . Cobblestone walkways dotted with benches cut through the vegetation . Statues and fountains were scattered throughout . The trees were strung with big round Christmas lights that gave the square a festive atmosphere at night . It reminded Liza of a wedding she 'd been to as a child . It was at an apple orchard in the country . The trees were all lit up , and she had spent most of the reception wandering up and down the rows , mesmerized by the lights . She sat down under a tree and pulled out a pencil and the parchment . Liza began to sketch Bruce sitting on the bench in the garden at night . He was leaning slightly forward , arms out , palms flat on the marble . His long legs were bent in front of him . He looked like he might be getting ready to stand up . She had him wearing shorts and a sleeveless t - shirt . Between the tattoos and the setting , at first glance he looked like someone you would cross the street to avoid . She spent a lot of time adding subtle details , more details than she usually included in her sketches . Each brick was a book cover . The ones closest to Bruce were books that had inspired his tattoos . If you didn 't look carefully , the words just appeared to be shading . A slim object was intertwined in the long fingers of his right hand . It could be a knife , until a second glance showed that it was a quill . Around the bench , Liza drew some of the bushes and flowers that she could remember and then added ivy . The ivy grew every which way , snaking up the sides of the bench , around a tree , and across a few of the brick books . When she finished with this , the bench was almost completely ensconced in ivy . Liza dug around in her bag for the black fine point pen she used to ink in her drawings . She carefully went over the sketch , spending extra time on Bruce 's face . She wanted to get his high cheekbones and dark , heavy - lidded eyes just right . As an afterthought , she sketched a full moon partially hidden from view behind a tree . Its light cast most of the left half of Bruce 's body in shadow . She slid the pen into her hair and held up the parchment to inspect her handiwork . She was happy with the way it had turned out . At first , Bruce looked somewhat menacing , but the details revealed themselves the longer you looked . The knife was a writing tool . The scuffed bricks were works of literature . The cocky sneer was a tentative smile . He wasn 't getting up to attack , but to greet . She had added the shadow to represent the mysteriousness of her new friend . She smiled and looked around , willing him to come marching up the path . Liza wished she could give him the drawing now . Class wasn 't for a few days and she realized that in addition to not knowing where he lived , she also didn 't have his phone number . His office number was probably on the University 's website , but that seemed too stalker - like . She sighed and carefully tucked the drawing into her bag . It would have to wait . " Mysterious bastard , " she said under her breath . Liza had been trying to ignore the disappearing sun for the past forty - five minutes . This was one of those days that you wished you could live in forever . She didn 't want it to end and she didn 't want it ruined by an encounter with Laura at home . Bruce didn 't mentioned that he had anywhere to be . She realized that she had no idea where he lived except that it was near Adams Square . Did he live in a condo ? An apartment ? One of those big old historic houses ? Did he live alone ? Not knowing the answers to these questions agitated her . Liza looked at him , a little taken aback . Was she that transparent ? " It 's ok . I can wait , " she said . It was true . She didn 't feel the urge to smoke . " Are you sure ? It 's a nice night . I 'll come out with you . Do you have a few more minutes or … do you need to get home to the owner of the art project in your car ? " Casey 's art project . She had given it to Liza back when she had still been able to attend school . " Sure . I mean , no . Well … " She thought of her niece stuck at home all day with Laura , sick and barely able to get around on her own . She should get home . Laura was likely to be having another party , or to have gone out and left her daughter to fend for herself . Liza looked at Bruce . Casey was Laura 's responsibility , not hers . " Let 's go outside . I have time . The little girl who made the art project is my niece , not my daughter . " Liza hesitated . Don 't go into detail . Keep it light . " Laura is my sister . Casey is her daughter . She 's eight . She made the project . " They walked outside and hopped up on a short brick wall in front of Liza 's car . She turned her face up and closing her eyes for a minute . When she opened them again Bruce was looking at her . " You know , if you ever change your mind about that long story , I 'd still be happy to listen . I get the feeling that there is a problem or issue there . I may not be able to help , but you can always talk to me . " Liza 's eyes began to fill up . Maybe Bruce couldn 't see them in the darkness . She was angry at herself and turned her head as if she was looking up the street . They were getting ready to overflow . Dammit ! A long arm wrapped around her . Bruce slid closer . He put his other hand on the side of her head and gently laid it on his shoulder . She felt calm almost immediately . He rubbed her back . She wrapped her arms around his waist . " You too , " she whispered . " Your long story . You can always talk to me too . " said Liza . Several flickered across his face , but she couldn 't identify them in the fading light . He kissed her forehead and continued rubbing her back . Liza felt happy and free , in a way that she hadn 't since she was a kid . At some point , she fell asleep . When she woke up the moon was shining and the street lights were twinkling around them . " I don 't know . I never got that far . I draw pencil sketches mostly . " She hesitated . " They 're kind of … dark . Some people love them , some people find them disturbing . " She watched him closely . Bruce bunched his lips up in annoyance , but his eyes were smiling . He shook his head and took a sip of coffee . " Ok , so tell me this : why didn 't you pursue it ? Why don 't you pursue it ? You said draw , present tense . " " What happened ? " he asked . Liza considered her answer . He seemed genuinely curious . He wasn 't looking at her like she was stupid or flaky . She shrugged . " Life ? I should 've majored in art the first time around . I should 've just gone for it . I was eighteen with no responsibilities , nothing to lose but time and money . I 've lost those anyway , and have nothing to show for it . " Ok , enough of the philosophical sidebar . " Anyway . My advisor thought it wasn 't practical and my family acted like I 'd said I wanted to major in sword swallowing . So I majored in law , hated it , and dropped out . I went back a year later , majored in art , lost my job and my tuition reimbursement , and dropped out … and on and on . " She paused , debating . " I finally decided to give it one last try a couple of years ago . I was half way through . Then … I had some personal problems . Everything got to be too much . I ended up dropping out again . This is actually my first term back . I 'm majoring in business administration this time . It 's not exciting , but I can tolerate it . I 've been doing office work of some sort for almost a decade . " " I don 't have that luxury anymore . I have bills to pay and … " She thought about Casey and Laura , but didn 't want to go there . " and , I don 't know , I 'm not getting any younger . " He stood up . " That cookie didn 't do it for me . I 'm still hungry . Do you want to split a turkey sandwich ? " he asked , pointing up at the counter . " Sure , " she said . Liza watched him march up to the counter and wondered if she had made him uncomfortable . She was mad at herself for revealing her indecisiveness and hinting at her family drama . He didn 't want to hear about that . She promised herself that she would keep it light from now on . Liza watched him , thinking again how attractive he was . She would never admit it out loud , but she was really starting to like him . He smiled . " I couldn 't resist . It reminded me of that first night outside of Norton , on the bench . " Bruce spread out a napkin in front of each of them . He pulled out the turkey sandwich and gave her half . He took a big bite of his half and set to work on the parchment wrapper . He removed the plastic liner , carefully pulled off the tape , and flattened it out on the table . Next , he folded it in half , pressing the fold hard . Then he tore the paper down the middle along the fold . " Homework , " he said . " Since you won 't show me any of your drawings , and I won 't let you read my novel , let 's make a deal . " He handed her half of the parchment paper , and set the other half on the table next to him . " Draw something for me . Anything . Something that you won 't mind showing me . I 'll write something for you . I 'm not sure what yet . We 'll exchange them after class next week . " Liza smiled . She liked it . A million pictures raced through her mind . She almost wished that she could start now . Her smile faded . " Are you going to be able to get past your writer 's block ? " " Ok , deal , " Liza said , holding out her hand before he could change his mind . Once again , his giant hand enveloped hers . She didn 't feel as nervous this time , mainly just happy . He tugged her hand toward himself and rose slightly out of his chair , leaning forward . Liza half - rose from her own chair and met his lips over the table . " I don 't know . I always loved books , even as a kid . Sometimes I would spend the whole day at the library of whatever base we were living on . For me , reading was a chance to step inside someone else 's life for a while . You know , we moved a lot and my parents weren 't always around . My mom worked full - time and my dad would be deployed for months . Like I think I told you , I had friends , but , when you move around a lot , you never have the chance to develop close friendships . " He shrugged . " I don 't know what I 'm getting at . " " Hmm , " Liza considered this . It was a foreign lifestyle to her . She thought it must be hard on a kid to move around that much , even if it was kind of an adventure for them . It probably got old never being able to lay down roots and perpetually being the new kid . It could probably get lonely sometimes . She pictured Bruce as a child , spending the day in a quiet corner of the library reading , poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue . She smiled at the thought . He smiled back and raised his eyebrows in question . Liza shook her head . " No , I think I get it , at least kind of . " They sipped their coffees and took turns pulling pieces off a big peanut butter cookie . " When did you know you wanted to teach ? " " I don 't suppose you 'd let me read it sometime ? " As soon as the words were out , she wanted to take them back . She was afraid they sounded presumptuous or pushy . They were really only acquaintances who had shared a few hours , a can of energy drink , and a kiss . Here she was , asking to read his failed novel . When she could make herself look at him again , he was studying her . She couldn 't read his expression . Had she made him sad by digging up bad memories ? " Nah , I still make up stories in my head , but nothing comes out when I sit down to write . " Now he looked sad . Good job , dumb - ass . Liza didn 't know what to say . She thought it would be insensitive to change the topic and mean to keep grilling him about it . Clearly , this was a regret . His hand was sitting on the table next to his mug . It was the one with the bent finger . She reached over and rested her hand on top of his . " No , I think you look like you could be around my age . " Liza studied him as he rubbed his hand across his hair and sucked in a phantom gut . " Hmm … how about … thirty - two ? " " Oh , yeah right . What , are you trying to make up for that first guess ? " Liza couldn 't tell if he was playing or if she had really hurt his feelings . " No , that 's my guess . Honestly , you look like you could be in your twenties , but considering that you 're a professor and were married , I guessed high . You must at least be in your early thirties . " " Hmm … seventh semester freshman , evening student , full - time job , drives a Focus , likes Halestorm , drinks energy drinks … " His eyes roamed her face for a minute . " I 'm going to say … twenty - seven . " He was right . Exactly . Liza pursed her lips . She was more competitive than a PMSing soccer mom on steroids and didn 't like losing ; not even this little guessing game . " How did you know that ? " " Yes , we can , but apparently Liza is a nickname , and you never told me your last name . " She smiled . He had tried to look her up . Liza 's throat burned from the pack of cigarettes that she inhaled since she came home . Her eyes were swollen , her nose was stuffed shut , and her fingers were like prunes . She 'd been in here for over an hour . The bathroom had become a hiding place and a prison since Laura and Casey had come to live with her . She heard a crash from somewhere in the house , followed by Laura 's throaty laugh . Liza reached her breaking point . She turned off the water and threw some clothes on . A little makeup , a clip for her damp hair , and she rushed downstairs . Laura was in the living room blasting some cheesy pop song and grinding with a guy that Liza had never seen . Another guy was sitting in a chair drinking Liza 's beer and stuffing his face with leftover pizza . Casey was asleep on the sofa . Liza scooped up her niece 's frail little body and carried her upstairs to bed . She tucked her in and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead . Liza sighed and stared down at the sleeping girl , arms crossed . She felt horrible for her , but didn 't know if she could do anything to help . Laura had Casey when she was sixteen . If she knew who the father was , she never said . When she turned eighteen , she took Casey and disappeared . No one in the family heard from her for almost six years . Liza had tried to track her down two years ago when their parents died . She had half expected her to show up at the funeral , but she hadn 't . Laura turned up at the house one night a couple of months ago with Casey , who was now eight and sick with leukemia . Casey 's medical bills and Laura 's careless lifestyle had left them with no money and insurmountable debt . She already knew that their parents had died and that they had left Liza the house . Liza had considered turning her away . They had never been close , and though Liza loved her niece , she didn 't relish the thought of living with a child , a sick child . In the end , it was only because of Casey that she agreed to let them stay . Their relationship was strained . Laura refused to tell Liza where she had been and what she had been doing for the past six years . She only shrugged when Liza asked why she hadn 't come home for the funeral . Liza realized pretty fast that her little sister was not much more mature than she had been at sixteen . She went out almost every night , even leaving Casey alone on the evenings when Liza had class . Laura brought random guys back to the house . She missed Casey 's doctor 's appointments and forget her medicine . Liza hated to think it , but she suspected that Laura hadn 't just written off her daughter , but that she was waiting for her to die . Liza tried to help where she could , but it was difficult between work , school , and her lack of experience with kids . She couldn 't take it anymore , and Casey had taken it for way too long . Liza didn 't know if she could do anything . If she could , it wasn 't happening tonight . She quietly closed Casey 's door and walked back through the living room and out into the night . A while later she found herself driving through campus . Liza told herself that she had driven there on autopilot , but she knew she was lying . She knew it by her irrational disappointment at not finding him in the garden . " Wow , you 're one bad - ass lit professor , aren 't you ? " teased Liza . It was early July and it was sweltering outside . Bruce was wearing a sleeveless shirt and cargo shorts . She was finally able to get a good look at some of the tattoos that she had glimpsed before . It was funny ; from a distance , he looked more like a biker than a professor . A closer inspection revealed that all of his tattoos referenced literature in some way or another . Her favorite was a simple quote that ran up his left forearm , " Not all those who wander are lost . " It was from Tolkien 's Lord of the Rings trilogy . Liza traced the letters with her finger . " I was a military brat growing up , and unlike a lot of us , I enjoyed moving around . I don 't know . I always managed to make friends wherever we went , but I never minded leaving them behind when my dad was re - stationed . I liked my friends but I really liked exploring new cities . " Bruce was smiling slightly as he stared off into the sky . Liza was quiet . She reflected on her own childhood . It had been good but ordinary . Mom stayed home and Dad was a plumber . She had spent her whole childhood in the brick row house that she now owned . She thought about Casey . Laura was not a very good mom in Liza 's opinion , but a lot of friends and family had stepped in to help her raise Casey . Maybe those times would yield some happy childhood memories when she grew up . Well , if she grew up . " No , I haven 't in quite a while , but I 'd like to again , " said Bruce . Liza nodded . She had always wanted to travel , but never seemed to have the time and money at the same time . " I took a math class online a couple of terms ago . The professor lived in upstate New York . Apparently , when you teach online , you can be located anywhere . You could travel and teach , " said Liza . Why the hell was she telling him this ? She knew she would miss him if he left . This thought didn 't sit well with her , but she knew it was true . A wide smile erupted on Bruce 's face . " I like it too . Very much . " He slid his hand across the bench toward where hers was resting and opened it . She laced her fingers through his . He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb . His tongue was roving around his cheek . Liza had come to realize that this was his thinking face . " Do you … would you like to … Do you want to hang out sometime ? Besides this , I mean . Maybe grab a cup of coffee ? " he asked . " I 'd like that . " Liza felt like she was blushing . She turned her head and pretended to study the bush next to the bench . It had purple flowers with bright yellow streaks . That night , before he got out of the car at Adams Square , he leaned over and brushed his lips across her forehead . She jumped and turned her head toward his . He kissed her cheekbone and then ran his lips down to hers . He pressed his lips against hers for a minute before wordlessly hopping out of the car . She watched him march off down the street and couldn 't help but wonder if this was the beginning of something really good or really bad . It could go either way . |
I have such wonderful memories of Halloween . Although I was raised in a very strict religious home , the gloves came off for Halloween . All the rules changed . Mom worried about evil all year long , but on Halloween , she just wanted to have fun . It was so nice to have the pressure off and just be able to be a normal kid . We would all dress up , put on scary music , and cook good things to eat . She had a sign that had a witch on it that she would put on the door , the sign said , " Welcome kiddies , put all your goodies in the box below . Go quietly and no one will get hurt . " I am so pleased as an adult , that our family has enjoyed this holiday together . My children always had such fun roaming the neighborhood . I have always enjoyed taking out the Hershey bars from their loot after they went to bed . Scott is in Denver , but the girls are coming over on Wednesday night and it will be a happy time . I hope yours is as well . I am meeting soon with someone who tells me that they are not a believer . I think that they want to believe , they just have a lot of doubts . When you have doubts , just remember this . You may not be able to see Him , you may not be able to feel Him , but He is always there . You may be feeling dismal , but God is still there . Every day , every moment , you are never alone . So , last night we had a lot of fun . The girls came over and we carved pumpkins . I hope that they last until Halloween , but we carved them none the same . I have one normal daughter and one with an odd sense of humor . They get their odd humor from their mother . I carved one pumpkin . One daughter carved a normal pumpkin , the other carved one that said , " don 't eat it [ the candy ] - lol . . . . " How strange is that . Ornery she is . Last year she made one that said , " watch out , we have bad candy ! " I have a cat that has low self esteem . He is never happy unless he is sitting on your lap . You can throw him off 30 times in a row and he just keeps coming back . It 's hard to understand - good looking cat , well fed , life long member of our family , why would he have self - esteem issues ? Then I look at so many of us . Nice families , great lives , but low self esteem . I cannot tell you the number of people that I talk to that are unhappy with themselves or feeling bad for some little reason . Sometimes they don 't even know why they feel badly . Let us take comfort in the loving reach of our heavenly Father . He is always there for us . He never throws us out of the room . In His arms are comfort and consolation . He can sooth the painful days . Today I am driving to Columbia for the MU game . A friend called me last night and offered me a ticket . How do you pass that up ? Whether you are an MU fan or a KU fan or a K - state fan , college games are awesome . Did you ever have a day that was just another day ? You just went through the motions . Same old same old . [ we should not live this way , but we often do . . . . ] Well there is a sure cure for the same old same old day . Just add a little pain , and suddenly you know that you are alive . A broken toe , a paper cut with lemon juice , an angry friend , or a disappointment is all it takes for you to become very present in your day . Although we , by nature , do not like painful things , they do cause us to pay attention to life . When we are in pain , the moments crawl by . Days seem to stretch into weeks . Maybe that is not a bad thing . Sometimes I wish I could have more time in my life . The days sure seem long when you are struggling . So if you have something going on , rejoice ! God is with you and you are alive . Smile , make friends with the painful thing and work to look past it to see the good . Some days hold little inspiration . You don 't feel particularly on . You don 't feel particularly spiritual . Yet we awake in God 's world , which is full of wonder . So you get up and go . Plus , your boss is expecting you . One foot in front of the other , we enter the day . We go about our tasks and hope that somewhere along the way we will feel it . It . That special joy of being alive . You know , it is just around the corner . I know it is right there if I can just see it . I have written about this before , but it is a constant issue for us humans . In a given situation , am I going to react or act ? Reacting is what we do when we respond to stimuli without thinking . We just do what comes naturally . Someone cuts us off in traffic and we retaliate . Someone says something hurtful to us and we hurt them back . That is reacting . It 's human , but it is rarely the best course . Acting is different . To understand that you can act instead of reacting is some very powerful news to humans that are able to learn this lesson . You don 't have to react to everything . You have another choice . Stop yourself , take a step back , take a deep breath . Ask yourself who you are . Ask yourself what you are about . Say a prayer . Breath in the Holy Spirit . Consider your options and choose the healthiest course . Then act . Act out of the best of who you are . Be well aware that 90 % of an iceberg is underwater . It is also true that a good deal of most people is hidden beneath the surface . Usually the part that you don 't see is a person 's fears , worries and hurts . So , you see someone and you have a feeling about what they are like and how they are doing . Please remember that there is a man , or a woman , behind the curtain . Behind what you see , is the unseen . Understand that they need even more grace than you had thought . Especially people that are not very nice , it could just be that they are dealing with very painful things that you cannot see and they will not tell you about . During the month of November , I would like to post / share things that you are thankful for . So , please take a few moments and post a comment or send me an email with a list of things , or a story of what you are thankful for . It can be short or long , it just must be from your heart . You get a chance to love people . To forgive them . To welcome them . To help them along the way . You get to baptise children . For that matter , any baptism is great . It is a joyful reminder of God 's promise with us . Whether sprinkled , poured or dunked , baptisms are great . You get to help people in their time of need . I have seen marriages come back from the brink . Families survive tragic illness . Young people transition times of fear . Hope restored . Faith secured . You get to hold the hands of people in their most painful moments and remind them of God 's love and presence . You get to try to teach people about spirituality . You get to share your own journey of change and perspective . You get to be a part of the great high church days - Ash Wednesday , Easter , Thanksgiving , Christmas . You get to tell the story of grace . Of God 's amazing love . You get to forgive people who misbehave . You get to model forgiveness . You get to release people from their worries and fears . You get to preach . What a great opportunity to try to help folks take the next step along the way . You get to preside over weddings , which are usually wonderful . You get to preside over funerals . It is a joy when you get to celebrate a life well lived . You get to hug people and smile with them and love them . It is a wonderful calling , a wonderful job , a wonderful life . I am the most fortunate pastor that I know . With that said , I have a friend that is in need of a stair chair lift thing . If you know of one for sale , please let me know . Spend some time today being thankful for health . It 's gonna be getting real quiet around here . Alli moved out a year and a half ago . Scott left a year ago . Jenny is moving out this weekend , into an apartment near Town Center . That makes us officially empty nesters . Last night while she was upstairs packing , I 'm sure she was singing and feeling very excited . I was down stairs fighting off that melancholy feeling . I put on a western . I love westerns . Sometimes a good way to move yourself past your feelings is to find a good diversion . Change is inevitable . At least she isn 't moving far away . Sometimes it is easy to see the good . Sometimes , we have to work at it , even if it means acclimating to things that make us feel funny . I participated in a memorial service on Friday night for Bill Apel . A great man . Almost his entire family got up to speak . They said such wonderful things about him . It is my belief that it doesn 't matter what you tell others about yourself , it is the testimony of those closest to you that will give an accurate picture of who you really are . At the entrance to the chapel last night , there was a big picture of the family . Mom and Dad , grown kids , grand kids . The caption of the picture said this : " A man 's most lasting influence on this world is seen in the faces of his family . The light in their eyes when they talk about him , in the love that they will hold onto forever . Here 's to a good man . to the life he lived , the hearts he touched , the legacy he leaves behind . " The names have been changed to protect the innocent . It 's 1994 and I live in Princeton , but I know I am moving to Woods Chapel so I start studying the church directory to learn the names and faces of the people at the new church . I work hard at this and get them imprinted pretty well in my brain . Along comes the first big church wedding . The entire congregation is present for Susan 's second marriage . In the church directory she was married to Robert , but the directory is several years old and now she is marrying Paul . Do you see where this is going ? The music starts . It is big and dramatic wedding music . The bridesmaids all come in . Here comes the bride . The bridal party is all lined up across the front . There is a prayer , the people are seated , and now comes the moment . The new pastor is about to open his mouth . The moment that I said this , the closest bridesmaid bent over and made a noise like she was sick to her stomach . I stepped toward her and asked her if she was alright . She said , " You said Robert ! " Oh my . The embarrassment of that moment . Everyone knew that I had just made a terrible mistake . I wanted to shrink down to a tiny size and crawl out of the church . But , since I couldn 't do that , I stepped out to the bride and I said , " I am so very very sorry . " Then I took a deep breath , looked across the entire audience and said , " let 's start over again from the beginning . " The wedding went on after that without a hitch . Susan actually got married to Paul that day , and to this day , I write the names of the bride and groom in very big letters in several places in the program . May you be spared such moments of trauma in your life . I have a great family . Great wife and kids . Sometimes , though , they drive me crazy . I am sure that sometimes your family drives you crazy too . When I think of things that they do that annoy me , I get annoyed . When I think of annoying things that I do , I am really glad that they are around to love me and to put up with me . Life is all about perspective . Sometimes the difference between a good day , and a frustrating day is a choice of how you will look at things . It 's a beautiful day in God 's world , be sure to see the good . I was on Vacation last week . My dear wife and I spend 6 days in San Francisco , Napa and the redwoods . I lived in the bay area for 8 years from the age of 12 to 20 . Part of my heart still lives there . We watched the Blue Angels fly over San Francisco bay . We saw the sights and smelled the smells of Northern California . We are back now and glad to be home . Thanks to everyone who covered for me at church . Here are some of the sights that we saw and the things that we experienced . We have always talked about losing one 's self , As in denying one 's self , mortifying the flesh , denying one 's own pleasure . Causing yourself pain over pleasure . Hurting yourself for the common good . Causing yourself pain instead of taking pleasure for yourself . What if there is something else to the concept of denying yourself . What if denying yourself is not about hurting yourself , but is really about coming to the realization that you are not the person that you thought you were . Stop . Think . What ever you think that you are , you are not . You must now release yourself of the ideas that you have had about your self . Leave your imaginations of what makes you good or bad . You are not the dancer in life , you are being danced by God . What if everything that you are is no longer defined by your mind , but is defined by God . You no longer have control over who you think you are . God alone speaks to you and tells you who you are . Wow . Does that change your , my self image ? If I could spend one day doing anything that I wanted , I would wear blue jeans and tennis shoes . I would be off work and no emergencies would arise . I would get up at 5 : 30am and feel great . I would spend the morning doing things that I love . I would plant flowers , mow the grass , vacuum the car , ride the motorcycle , paint the house , build a shelf , and get the mail . I would catch up and complete every project that is open around the house . I would eat watermelon for breakfast , a tuna sandwich for lunch . I would be by myself all day because everyone else would be at work . My kids would come over for dinner and we would grill chicken and peppers and onions . Mmmmmm . I might read a book in the afternoon . Some friends might stop by for a bit and visit . I would be friendly and say hello to everyone that I met during the day . I might help a kid in the neighborhood with their bike after school . I would certainly take a nap at 4pm . After dinner we would play a game - maybe the " game of things . " It would be 70 degrees all day . I would fall into bed at 10pm with a feeling that it was a great day , that sense that it is great to be alive . Someone asked what I would do on a day if I could do anything that I wanted . Now you know . Sunday , as we walked into the 10 : 10 Sanctuary Service , we watched as Adam started in on a tune from the late Stevie Ray Vaughn . Wow , SRV at a church service ! I was not so much surprised as I was filled and moved . A while back Kevin K . let his hair down by singing a little Supertramp and a year or so ago U2 was played to close out a service . . . So what does this mean ? Maybe not much to you , but for me at least , it was great to hear music that stirs the ( my ) soul . . . I admit I am more of a secular music fan than a Christian one . Something about the stories hidden inside some of the that music really moves me . The stories of the broken person , the artist , who found something to grab hold of or someone perhaps , who was able to help pull them out of the muck and mire . . . . I like stories like that . . . they are everywhere . I guess it is that message of hope that is there for all who are lost . . . . do you ever take time to think back to a time in the past , maybe it was a year ago or a few months or just weeks or days and there was this " thing " that was consuming you at that time . maybe it was important maybe it was trivial , but now it has passed . during the time this " thing " really had a hold of you . . . you were distracted from enjoying life . maybe you lost sleep . maybe you were on edge because of it and that bled over into your relationships . and now , today , the thing has past and maybe since then a new " thing " has replaced it maybe even several new " things " have come and gone . they come and go as do the days that are now gone and the time has passed and you will never get the chance at those days again . kind of sad when you think about it . our time is short and yet we let " things " steal away our time and our ability to be fully present in the here and now . sad when you think of me , cause I just love you . God bless you , I just love you . The air is clear . It 's a new day . Secondly , as a friend , I have your back . All of you , I have your backs . I am not going to judge you . You may have faults , we all do . I may , in the course of living life with you , find out about your faults . And you will surely find out about mine . I am not going to condone everything that everyone does , nor do I expect you to condone my faults . However , I will accept you and love you and support you , warts and all . I will never focus on the bad or uncomfortable things . I will only focus on the good . This is the gift of friendship . This is the grace that God shows to us . And if God can love us and support us warts and all , then we need to give the same to each other . There are so many people that I love at our church . Many of you I think of often , and fondly . We may have never shared a hamburger , but I love you so much . A great example of this is Phil Hart . Man I love that guy . Another guy I dearly love is Lions Den Man . He does not know this , but over the last two weeks I have thought of him every day . Not sure why . I need to call him . He is the best . Ok , friends . P , D , M , H , J , S , C , J , R , LDM , K , S , T , DJ , B , T , H , J , R , M , B , L , A , F , M , G , T , D , A , W , B , D , and on and on I go . You can see that I have won the friend lottery . I am the most fortuante human being . I am the most fortunate pastor . I have canoed with these guys , played softball , bowled , rode on pontoon boats , listened to music , talked about life , ate pizza , laughed and cried . Oh , the value of a friend is the most precious thing that a person can have . I will also tell you that I am friends with my children , Alli , Jenny and Scott . I love them so much . Their friends come over and I love them as well . I don 't see them much but when the girls college friends come over , we always have such a great time . If you have a friend , count yourself as blessed . If you have more than one , smile , because life is very very good for you . This is where I am going to get in trouble , because I am going to leave someone out . Please don 't be upset . It is early in the morning and my brain is moving slowly . There are two things that I have learned about friendship since I moved here in 1994 . First of all , I have learned that you can have more than one friend at a time . In fact , I have won the friend lottery since I moved here . The second thing that I have learned , painfully about friendship , is that sometimes they change and people move on . Difficult as that is , it is something that I have had to make peace with . I have lived here for 18 years and four months . Almost three times longer than I have ever lived anywhere else in my life . So I have had many friends here at Woods Chapel . Where do I begin ? It took me about a year to get over leaving Princeton and the loss of my friend Roger . Finally I became great friends with S and J . S is still in my life . We bowl together on Monday nights . I love him and he is awesome . J I only see occasionally , but again , he is a great guy . When all three of our jobs changed , we had less time to hang out . I then became great friends with B and another fellow . I can 't use even an initial for the other fellow , because he got mad at me and dumped me . It crushed me . B is still around and I see him occasionally , but not as much as we used to . I still love him dearly . I should mention the Armadillo softball team . Every single one of those guys is my bonded brother for life . I will never forget the parade of their faces at the funeral visitation for my father . Well , that is all for today . More tomorrow . I am continuing to write on friendships . My last year of college I had no friends , as Dallas Moore moved back to Bethel , Ohio . After college I laid asphalt for two years . During that time , my best friend was Bob Walls . I also dated a couple of gals . Then I went off to Seminary . My best friend there was Vic Heister . Again , what a fine man he was . So talented . He could build or fix anything . He was from Bethel , Oklahoma . Two friends from Bethel . That is interesting . I learned so much from him about construction . We installed hot tubs and built decks . I found him a year ago thanks to the internet , but we have not really kept up . You know , people get busy and life goes on . After seminary , I served my first churches in Cache and Indiahoma , Oklahoma . You will have to mapquest those to see where they are at . I did not really make any long time friendships there , although there were many people in the congregation I dearly loved . Daryl and Syd Perry to name a few . I moved back to Kansas City in 1986 . I rekindled my friendship then with Bob Walls . I found Bob a few years ago . When he got remarried I performed the service . He had a brain tumor a few years ago . It was removed and he is doing well . He lives in Overland Park , but we don 't really stay in touch very much . That is bad on my part , because he is a great guy . Odd , all of my friends have been really great guys . Cathy and I moved to Lebanon , MO in 1989 . We lived there for two years . My best friend there was Tim Marcum . Isn 't it odd that I have only had one friend at a time for all of these years ? Tim and I played golf together and took third place in a 3 on 3 basketball tournament . He was in the Army and was a tremendous man . We moved to Princeton , MO in 1991 . I loved the people of the Princeton church . My best friend there was Roger Grout . He truly is one of the finest men I have ever known . Our souls were knit together . It crushed me when we left him and moved to Lee 's Summit . I will never forget the day that I loaded up the last van load and pulled out of the driveway . I sobbed for 30 miles from Princeton to Bethany . By the way , today is my Dad 's birthday . In some ways , my Dad was a great friend to me as well . Although he once told me that he could not be my Dad and my friend at the same time , he was wrong . I miss him a lot . Happy Birthday Dad . Someone asked that I post about my best friend besides God and Cathy . Here you go . Best Friend . I hate to write about this because there are so many people that I dearly love . Years ago , there was a couple that Cathy and I were close to . I one referred to them as our best friends . He startled me by saying that they don 't have or don 't identify best friends , because they have so many friends . It hurt my feelings at the time , but now , years later , I totally understand . So let me write for a few days about friendship . When I was young I had very few friends . I usually had one friend at a time . When I was in grade school at South City View in the Center School District , my one friend was Greg Fisher . He lives in Arizona now , and we do not keep up . I do keep up with his mom . We had lunch a few weeks ago . His sisters and mom attend St . John 's UMC at 6700 Ward Parkway . When I was in Jr High , I attended Bret Harte Jr High in San Jose , California . My one and only friend was Mark Stanton . Mark lives in Illinois now and I have not heard from him in years . He is a great guy and very funny . Mark , if you google yourself one day , I would love to hear from you . When I was a senior in high school , I began dating . I was pretty serious about that . Mark moved away . My best guy friend was Mark Flammer . I have no idea where he is or what he is doing . His dad was a teacher . We played tennis and went out on his Hobie Cat Catamaran . My best girl friend was Lisa M . She was my first love . We dated for 2 1 / 2 years . It crushed me when she ended that . I thought life was over . But it wasn 't . I am sure that there is a lesson there . My first year of college was at San Jose State . My best friend was still Mark Flammer . Then we moved back to Kansas City and I finished college in Springfield . My best friend there was Dallas Moore . He lives in Cincinnati . I drove out to visit him in 1998 . He is such a fine man and such a great person . So funny . I have not talked to him for years . If you know him , ask him to call me . We played tennis , soccer , baseball , Foosball , and every other sport in the world together . I was the right side linebacker , he was the left side linebacker . I miss him . I dearly loved him . When he did not come back for our senior year , I was crushed . Sometimes in life I have these moments that can only be summed up with the thought , " well what do you do with that ? " There are moments that leave me dumbfounded . I have seemed to run into something that just leaves you shaking your head . The other night I had a dream . Dreams are a funny collection of things . Here is the dream : Sunday morning church was full . Lots of people . The power went off so everyone left . I couldn 't get the folks to understand that we could still have church without electricity . Now the strange part . A woman called me and suggested that we start a ministry of doing laundry for people . She would be willing to buy two washers and dryers to get it going . I liked the idea . For the homeless , for the elderly , what a great ministry . Then the kicker , the caveat , the followup . She wanted her 15 year old son to be in charge of the ministry and to be paid to do the laundry . I am not sure what to say to her . Something about a conflict of interest . Something about the concept of mission usually does not include payment . Something about volunteering or giving . I was dumbfounded . I didn 't know what to say . Fortunately for me , the alarm rang . I was only a dream . It was time to get up and deal with real life , which is only slightly more crazy sometimes than what I find in my dreams . This blog is the occasional ramblings of Jeff Brinkman , a semi - retired United Methodist Pastor . When Jeff cannot post , some of his buds take over . This blog may or may not inspire , may or may not be humorous , but will always be honest . This blog is Jeff 's attempt to remind himself and others that God is greater than anything , and if we just look hard enough , we can see the good in life , and if we slow down and listen , we can hear the birds sing . |
I was at the gym , in a very bad mood ( Hate the gym ) . I was thinking about why an effort to write a novel about a wedding had failed a few years ago when a question popped into my head : What if the bride didn 't want to get married ? It was followed by another question : Why would a bride not want to get married ? And finally , the answer : Because she loves to sleep around . I was electrified ! I raced home and wrote the first chapter that afternoon . Ten months later , the book was finished . This is the only good thing that has ever happened to me at a gym . Ever . Lily is maybe best described as a great lover of life . She loves good conversation . She loves her high - powered job , her complicated family . She loves New York City , her adopted home . She loves to go out with her friends . She loves to drink . A lot . And above all , she loves men . There are so many men in the world ! Hot , witty , fascinating men . Lily loves to meet these men , to banter and flirt with them , and of course . . to sleep with them . Whenever she pleases , as often as she pleases , in as many different ways as she pleases . But she 's getting married in a week . So this is a problem . I honestly have no clue where she came from - the deepest , darkest recesses of my warped subconscious ? She seeks maximal pleasure , all the time . She says and does exactly what she wants , regardless of the consequences . Now that we 've found each other , I sometimes entertain myself in dull situations by imagining what Lily would do . This is not without its dangers . My goal from the outset was to write a fun , entertaining book about a free - spirited woman who has no business getting married . But when I was about two - thirds of the way through , I realised I could add a little substance to the froth - that I could use Lily to talk about bigger issues like monogamy and female sexuality , friendship and marriage and family . That layer of the book came fairly late . While I TAKE YOU is wickedly entertaining , it is more than just a fun beach - read . Lily 's experiences touch on larger issues , like the nature of choice , the implications of desire , cultural expectations of monogamy , and of course , the pursuit of pure fun ! What 's your take on some of these questions ? The questions a novelist raises are just that : questions . My goal was to use Lily and her predicament to raise them , but not necessarily to answer them . Humans are an inherently promiscuous species trapped in a culture that worships monogamy . But instead of thinking hard about how to reconcile those warring impulses before we join souls in blessed communion with one person , forever , we obsess about the dress and the venue and the band and the guest list . This is understandable , but completely insane . Lily does a lot of things wrong ( a lot of things ) , but at least she 's stepping back from the wedding madness to question who she is and what she wants before she walks down the aisle . There were a few aimless minutes between the parade and the announcement , so friends and family gathered round the girls to offer congratulations and crossed fingers . The little groups that formed reminded Barbara of liquorice Catherine wheels : a girl in a sugary bright pink or blue bathing suit at the centre , a swirl of dark brown or black raincoats around the outside . It was a cold , wet July day at the South Shore Baths , and the contestants had mottled , bumpy arms and legs . They looked like turkeys hanging in a butcher 's window . Only in Blackpool , Barbara thought , could you win a beauty competition looking like this . Barbara hadn 't invited any friends , and her father was refusing to come over and join her , so she was stuck on her own . He was just sat there in a deckchair , pretending to read the Daily Express . The two of them would have made a tatty , half - eaten Catherine wheel , but even so , she would have appreciated the company . In the end , she went over to him . Leaving the rest of the girls behind made her feel half - naked and awkward , rather than glamorous and poised , and she had to walk past a lot of wolf - whistling spectators . When she reached her father 's spot at the shallow end , she was probably fiercer than she wanted to be . The people sitting near him , bored , mostly elderly holidaymakers , suddenly went rigid with excitement . One of the girls ! Right in front of them ! Telling her father off ! She tried not to blush , and failed . The holidaymakers within earshot had given up all pretence of knitting and reading the papers now . They were just gawping at her . For some reason , and even though this was a beauty contest , her superior beauty seemed to irritate him . He never liked her showing off , even when she was making her friends and family laugh with some kind of routine in which she portrayed herself as dim or dizzy or clumsy . It was still showing off . Today , though , when showing off was everything , the whole point , she 'd have thought he might forgive her , but no such luck . If you had to go and enter a beauty pageant , he seemed to be saying , you might at least have the good manners to look uglier than everyone else . It wasn 't the best line , but she 'd delivered it with a completely straight face , and she got a bigger laugh than she deserved . Sometimes surprise worked and sometimes people laughed because they were expecting to . She understood both kinds , she thought , but it was probably confusing to people who didn 't take laughter seriously . It was Auntie Marie , her father 's sister , who suggested that she should go in for Miss Blackpool . Marie came round for tea one Saturday afternoon , because she happened to be passing , and casually dropped the competition into the conversation , and - a sudden thought - asked her why she 'd never had a go , while her dad sat there nodding his head and pretending to be thunderstruck by the brilliance of the idea . Barbara was puzzled for the first minute or two , before she realized that the two of them had cooked up a plan . The plan , as far as she could work out , was this : Barbara entered the pageant , won it and then forgot all about moving to London , because there 'd be no need . She 'd be famous in her own hometown , and who could want for more ? And then she could have a go at Miss UK , and if that didn 't work out she could just think about getting married , when there would be another coronation , of sorts . ( And that was a part of the beauty pageant plan too , Barbara was sure . Marie was quite sniffy about Aidan , thought she could do much better , or much richer , anyway , and beauty queens could take their pick . Dotty Harrison had married a man who owned seven carpet shops , and she 'd only come third . ) Barbara knew she didn 't want to be queen for a day , or even for a year . She didn 't want to be a queen at all . She just wanted to go on television and make people laugh . Queens were never funny , not the ones in Blackpool anyway , or the ones in Buckingham Palace either . She 'd gone along with Auntie Marie 's scheme , though , because Dorothy Lamour had been Miss New Orleans and Sophia Loren had been a Miss Italy runner - up . ( Barbara had always wanted to see a photograph of the girl who had beaten Sophia Loren . ) And she 'd gone along with it because she was bursting to get on with her life , and she needed something , anything , to happen . She knew she was going to break her father 's heart , but first she wanted to show him that she 'd at least tried to be happy in the place she 'd lived all her life . She 'd done what she could . She 'd auditioned for school plays , and had been given tiny parts , and watched from the wings while the talentless girls that the teachers loved forgot their lines and turned the ones they remembered into nonsense . She 'd been in the chorus line at the Winter Gardens , and she 'd gone to talk to a man at the local amateur dramatic society who 'd told her that their next production was THE CHERRY ORCHARD , which ' probably wouldn 't be her cup of tea ' . He asked whether she 'd like to start off selling tickets and making posters . None of it was what she wanted . She wanted to be given a funny script so that she could make it funnier . She wished that she could be happy , of course she did ; she wished she wasn 't different . Her school friends and her colleagues in the cosmetics department at R . H . O . Hills didn 't seem to want to claw , dig , wriggle and kick their way out of the town like she did , and sometimes she ached to be the same as them . And wasn 't there something a bit childish about wanting to go on television ? Wasn 't she just shouting , ' Look at me ! Look at me ! ' like a two - year - old ? All right , yes , some people , men of all ages , did look at her , but not in the way that she wanted them to look . They looked at her blonde hair and her bust and her legs , but they never saw anything else . So she 'd enter the competition , and she 'd win it , and she was dreading the look in her father 's eyes when he saw that it wasn 't going to make any difference to anything . The mayor didn 't get around to it straight away , because he wasn 't that sort of man . He thanked everyone for coming , and he made a pointless joke about Preston losing the Cup Final , and a cruel joke about his wife not entering this year because of her bunions . He said that the bevy of beauties in front of him - and he was just the sort of man who 'd use the expression ' bevy of beauties ' - made him even prouder of the town than he already was . Everyone knew that most of the girls were holidaymakers from Leeds and Manchester and Oldham , but he got an enthusiastic round of applause at that point anyway . He went on for so long that she began to try and estimate the size of the crowd by counting the heads in one row of deckchairs and then multiplying by the number of rows , but she never finished because she got lost in the face of an old woman with a rain hat and no teeth , grinding a piece of sandwich over and over again . That was another ambition Barbara wanted to add to the already teetering heap : she wanted to keep her teeth , unlike just about every one of her relatives over the age of fifty . She woke up just in time to hear her name , and to see the other girls pretending to smile at her . She didn 't feel anything . Or rather , she noted her absence of feeling and then felt a little sick . It would have been nice to think that she 'd been wrong , that she didn 't need to leave her father and her town , that this was a dream come true and she could live inside it for the rest of her life . She didn 't dare dwell on her numbness in case she came to the conclusion that she was a hard and hateful bitch . She beamed when the mayor 's wife came over to put the sash on her , and she even managed a smile when the mayor kissed her on the lips , but when her father came over and hugged her she burst into tears , which was her way of telling him that she was as good as gone , that winning Miss Blackpool didn 't even come close to scratching the itch that plagued her like chickenpox . She 'd never cried in a bathing suit before , not as a grown woman anyway . Bathing suits weren 't for crying in , what with the sun and the sand and the shrieking and the boys with their eyes out on stalks . The feeling of wind - chilled tears running down her neck and into her cleavage was peculiar . The mayor 's wife put her arms around her . ' Believe it or believe it not , I know how you 're feeling , ' said the mayor 's wife . ' This is how we met . Before the war . He were only a councillor then . ' She tried to say it in a way that didn 't suggest amazement , but she wasn 't sure she 'd managed . The mayor and his wife were both large , but his size seemed intentional somehow , an indication of his importance , whereas hers seemed like a terrible mistake . Perhaps it was just that he didn 't care and she did . The two women looked at each other . These things happened . There was no need to say anything else , but then the mayor came over to them and said something else anyway . ' I 've already said " believe it or believe it not " twice . I 've already admitted that I 'm no Miss Blackpool any more . But you have to come clomping in anyway . ' ' Whereas that was the whole point of you , ' said the mayor . ' You were an oil painting . Anyways , ' he said to Barbara . ' You know this is the biggest open - air baths in the world , don 't you ? And this is one of the biggest days here , so you 've every right to feel overcome . ' Barbara had loved Lucille Ball ever since she saw I LOVE LUCY for the first time : everything she felt or did came from that . The world seemed to stand still for half an hour every Sunday , and her father knew better than to try and talk to her or even to rustle the paper while the programme was on , in case she missed something . There were lots of other funny people she loved : Tony Hancock , Sergeant Bilko , Morecambe and Wise . But she couldn 't be them even if she 'd wanted to . They were all men . Tony , Ernie , Eric , Ernie . . . There was nobody called Lucy or Barbara in that lot . There were no funny girls . ' It 's just a programme , ' her father would say , before or after but never during . ' An American programme . It 's not what I call British humour . ' It was true that she didn 't laugh , but that was because she 'd usually seen the shows before . Now she was too busy trying to slow it all down so she could remember it . If there was a way of watching Lucy every single day of the week , then she would , but there wasn 't , so she just had to concentrate harder than she 'd ever concentrated on anything , and hope that some of it sank in . What she couldn 't explain without sounding batty was that I LOVE LUCY was exactly the same as the pools . One day , one of Lucy 's expressions or lines was going to change her life , and maybe even his too . Lucy had already changed her life , although not in a good way : the show had separated her from everyone else - friends , family , the other girls at work . It was , she sometimes felt , a bit like being religious . She was so serious about watching comedy on the television that people thought she was a bit odd , so she 'd stopped talking about it . He recognized Len Phillips 's name from the paper , so he was star - struck . Dear God , Barbara thought . And he wonders why I want to get out of here . ' It 's just me , and a lad sometimes , ' said Len . ' And today 's a big day for Blackpool . I 'd be daft to let the lad do it . ' ' He couldn 't get the day off , Len , ' George said . He paused for a moment , clearly wondering whether he 'd got too familiar , too soon . ' They 're short - staffed , apparently , because of the holidays . Her Auntie Marie couldn 't come either , because she 's gone to the Isle of Man for a fortnight . Her first holiday for seven years . Only a caravan , but , you know . A change is as good as a rest . ' ' You should be writing all this down , Len , ' said Barbara . ' Caravan . Isle of Man . A change is as good as a rest . Is it just her and Uncle Jack , Dad ? Or have the boys gone too ? ' ' She 's in the cosmetics department at R . H . O . Hills , ' her father said . ' And Aidan 's in Menswear . That 's how they met . ' ' I 'm always taking photographs of Miss Blackpool . Hospitals , shows , charity galas . . . She 's got a lot of responsibilities . It 'll be a busy year . We 'll be seeing each other a lot , Barbara , so you 'll have to get used to my ugly mug . ' ' Oh , Lord , ' said her father . ' Did you hear that , Barbara ? ' Hospitals ? Charity galas ? An entire year ? What had she been thinking ? Auntie Marie had told her about the shop openings and the Christmas lights , but she hadn 't thought about how she 'd be letting people down if she just disappeared , and she hadn 't thought about how she 'd still be Miss Blackpool in three hundred and sixty four days ' time . She knew then that she didn 't want to be Miss Blackpool in an hour 's time . ' You know there was an old woman mugged around here ? ' Carla says , letting her long black ponytail snake over one shoulder . ' Well , actually , it was Weymouth , but it could have been here . So you see , you can 't be too careful . They found her with half her face smashed in . ' This last bit is said in a hushed voice , but hearing isn 't one of my problems . I wish Carla wouldn 't tell me these things ; they leave me with an uneasy feeling long after I 've forgotten the stories themselves . I shudder and look out of the window . I can 't think which direction Weymouth is in . A bird flies by . She picks up the carers ' folder , nodding at me , keeping eye contact until I nod back . I feel like I 'm at school . There was something in my head a moment ago , a story , but I 've lost the thread of it now . Once upon a time , is that how it started ? Once upon a time in a deep , dark forest , there lived an old , old woman named Maud . I can 't think what the next bit should be . Something about waiting for her daughter to come and visit , perhaps . It 's a shame I don 't live in a nice little cottage in a dark forest , I could just fancy that . And my granddaughter might bring me food in a basket . A bang , somewhere in the house , makes my eyes skitter across the sitting room , there 's an animal , an animal for wearing out side , lying over the arm of the settee . It 's Carla 's . She never hangs it up , worried she 'll forget it , I expect . I can 't help staring at it , sure it will move , scurry away to a corner , or eat me up and take my place . And Katy will have to remark on its big eyes , its big teeth . ' All these tins of peaches ! ' Carla shouts from the kitchen . Carla the carer . ' Carers ' is what they call them . ' You must stop buying food , ' she calls again . I can hear the scrape of tins against my Formica worktop . ' You have enough for an army . ' Enough food . You can never have enough . Most of it seems to go missing anyway , and can 't be found even after I 've bought it . I don 't know who 's eating it all . My daughter 's the same . ' No more cans , Mum , ' she says , going through my cupboards at every opportunity . I think she must be feeding someone . Half the stuff disappears home with her , and then she wonders why I need to go shopping again . Anyway , it 's not like I have many treats left in life . ' It 's not like I have many treats left , ' I say , pushing myself higher in my seat to make my voice carry to the kitchen . Twists of shiny chocolate wrappers are wedged down the sides of the chair ; they squirm against the cushions and I flick them away . My husband , Patrick , used to tell me off for eating sweets . I ate them a lot at home . It was nice to be able to have a sherbet lemon or a caramel cup when I wanted , as we weren 't allowed them at the exchange - no one wants to speak to a telephonist who 's got her mouth full . But he said they 'd ruin my teeth . I always suspected he was more worried about my figure . Polo mints were our com promise , and I still like them , but now there 's no one to stop me eating a whole box of toffees if I want them . I can even start first thing in the morning . It 's morning now . I know because the sun is on the bird table . It shines on the bird table in the morning and the pine tree in the evening . I have a whole day to get through before the light hits that tree . ' I 've done your lunch . ' She snaps off plastic gloves . ' It 's in the fridge , and I 've put a note on it . It 's nine forty now , try not to eat it till twelve , right ? ' ' Plenty , ' Carla says , dropping the carers ' folder on to the table . ' I 'm going now . Helen 'll be here later , all right ? Bye . ' The front door clicks shut and I hear Carla locking it after her . Locking me in . I watch her through the window as she crunches across my path . She wears a coat with a fur - edged hood over her uniform . A carer in wolf 's clothing . When I was a girl I 'd have been glad to have the house to myself , to eat things out of the larder and wear my best clothes , to play the gramophone and lie on the floor . Now I 'd rather have the company . The light 's been left on and the kitchen seems like an empty stage set when I go in to rearrange my cupboards and check what Carla has left me for lunch . I half expect someone to come in , my mother with her shopping or Dad with arms full of fish and chips , and say something dramatic , like in one of those plays at the Pier Theatre . Dad would say : ' Your sister is gone , ' and there 'd be a drum or a trumpet or something , and Ma would say : ' Never to return , ' and we 'd all stare at each other for the benefit of the audience . I pull a plate from the fridge , wondering what my line would be . The plate has a note attached : Lunch for Maud to eat after 12 p . m . I take the cling film off . It 's a cheese and tomato sandwich . When I 've finished eating I wander back to the sitting room . It 's so quiet in here ; even my clock doesn 't tick out loud . It shows the time , though , and I watch the hands slowly moving round on top of the gas fire . I have hours of the day to fill and at some point I have to switch on the TV . There 's one of those sofa programmes on . Two people on one sofa lean towards another person on the opposite sofa . They smile and shake their heads and , eventually , the one on her own starts to cry . I can 't work out what it 's all about . Afterwards there 's a programme where people run through various houses looking for things to sell . The sort of ugly things that are surprisingly valuable . A few years ago I would have been appalled at myself - watch ing TV in the day ! But what else is there to do ? I occasionally read , but the plots of novels don 't make sense any more and I can never remember where I 've left off . So I can boil an egg . I can eat an egg . And I can watch TV . After that , I 'm just waiting : for Carla , for Helen , for Elizabeth . Elizabeth is the only friend I have left ; the others are in homes or graves . She 's a fan of these running - about - selling - things pro grammes , and has a hope of one day finding a disregarded treasure . She buys all sorts of hideous plates and vases from char ity shops , her fingers crossed for a fortune . Sometimes I buy her things too , bits of garish china mostly , it 's a sort of game - who can find the ugliest piece of pottery at Oxfam . Rather childish , but I 've begun to find that being with Elizabeth , laughing with her , is the only time I feel like myself . I have an idea there was something I had to remember about Elizabeth . Perhaps she wanted me to get her something . A boiled egg , or some chocolate . That son of hers keeps her on starvation rations . He won 't even spend money on new razors for himself . Elizabeth says his skin is raw from shaving and she 's worried he 'll cut his own throat . Sometimes I wish he would . The miser . If I didn 't pop round with the odd extra , she 'd waste away . I 've got a note here telling me not to go out , but I don 't see why . It can 't hurt to nip down to the shop . I write a list before I put on my coat , find my hat and keys , check I have the keys in the right pocket and then check again at the front door . There are white stains along the pavement where snails have been flattened in the night . This street always collects hundreds of casualties after a rainy evening . But what makes those marks , I wonder , what part of the snail makes the stain turn white like that ? ' Turn not pale , beloved snail , ' I say , bending over as far as I dare to get a better look . I can 't think where the phrase is from , but it 's possible it is about this very thing . I must try and remember to look it up when I get home . The shop isn 't far , but I 'm tired by the time I get there , and for some reason I keep taking the wrong turning , which means I 've got to walk back around the block again . I feel like I did at the end of the war . I often got lost on my way into town , what with houses bombed to rubble , and sudden open spaces , and roads blocked by bricks and masonry and broken furniture . It 's a small place , Carrow 's , crammed with things I don 't want . I wish they 'd move the rows and rows of beer cans to make space for something useful . It 's always been here , though , ever since I was a child . They only changed the sign a few years ago . It 's got Coca - Cola written on it now and Carrow 's is squashed in under neath like an afterthought . I read it out to myself as I go in and then I read my shopping list aloud , standing by a shelf of boxes . Ricicles and Shreddies , whatever they are . ' Eggs . Milk - question mark - Chocolate . ' I turn my bit of paper about to catch the light . There 's a cosy cardboardy smell in the shop and it 's like being in the larder at home . ' Eggs , milk , chocolate . Eggs , milk , chocolate . ' I say the words , but I can 't quite think what the things look like . Could they be in any of the boxes in front of me ? I carry on muttering the list under my breath as I shuffle about the shop , but the words begin to lose meaning and are like a chant . I 've got ' marrows ' written down here too , but I don 't think they sell them here . Reg leans over the counter , and his grey cardigan bags out , sweeping across the penny sweets in their plastic tub and leaving bits of fluff on them . He watches me walk round . Nosy beggar . I don 't know what he 's guarding . So I walked out with some thing once . So what ? It was only a bag of soft lettuce . Or was it a jar of raspberry jam ? I forget . Anyway , he got it back , didn 't he ? Helen took it back , and that was that . And it 's not as if he doesn 't make mistakes - I 've often been short on change over the years . He 's been running this shop for decades , and it 's time he retired . But his mother didn 't give up working here till she was ninety , so he 'll probably hang on a bit longer . I was glad when the old woman finally gave up . She used to tease me whenever I came in because I 'd asked her to receive a letter for me when I was a girl . I 'd written to a murderer and I hadn 't wanted the reply to go to my house , and I 'd used a film star 's name instead of my own . The reply never arrived , but Reg 's mother thought I 'd been wait ing for a love letter and used to laugh about it long after I was married . What was it I came for ? The loaded shelves frown down at me as I circle them , and the blue and white linoleum stares up , dirty and cracked . My basket is empty , but I think I 've been here for a while ; Reg is watching me . I reach for something : it 's heavier than I was expecting and my arm is pulled down suddenly with the weight . It 's a tin of peach slices . That 'll do . I put a few more tins in my basket , tucking its handles into the crook of my arm . The thin metal bars grind against my hip on the way to the counter . I look down into the basket . Is that true ? Did I really buy the same things yesterday ? He coughs and I see a glint of amusement in his eyes . He raises his eyebrows and begins typing prices into his till . I keep my head high , watching the cans being put into the plastic carrying thing , for carrying , but my cheeks are hot . What was it I came for ? I feel in my pocket and find a piece of blue paper with my writing on it : Eggs . Milk ? Chocolate . I pick up a bar of Dairy Milk and slip it into the basket , so at least I will have something from the list . But I can 't put the peaches back now , Reg would laugh at me . I pay for my bag of cans and clank back down the road with them . It 's slow going , because the bag is heavy , and my shoulder and the back of my knee are hurting . I remember when the houses used to whiz by as I walked - nearly running - to and from home . Ma would ask me afterwards about what I 'd seen , whether certain neighbours were out , what I thought about someone 's new garden wall . I 'd never noticed ; it had all gone past in a flash . Now I have plenty of time to look at everything and no one to tell what I 've seen . Sometimes , when I 'm having a sort - through or a clear - out , I find photos from my youth , and it 's a shock to see everything in black and white . I think my granddaughter believes we were actually grey - skinned , with dull hair , always posing in a shad owed landscape . But I remember the town as being almost too bright to look at when I was a girl . I remember the deep blue of the sky and the dark green of the pines cutting through it , the bright red of the local brick houses and the orange carpet of pine needles under our feet . Nowadays - though I 'm sure the sky is still occasionally blue and most of the houses are still there , and the trees still drop their needles - nowadays , the colours seem faded , as if I live in an old photograph . When I get home there 's an alarm clock ringing . I set it some times to remind myself of appointments . I drop my bag inside the front door and turn off the alarm . I can 't think what it 's for this time ; I can 't see anything to tell me . Perhaps someone is coming . There is nothing very appealing about showbusiness memoirs . A linear chronology of successes , failures and blind ventures into new fields is dull enough . And then there is the problem of how to approach descriptions of collaborators and contemporaries : Is it right of me to be searingly , bruisingly honest about the lives of others ? I am quite prepared to be searingly , bruisingly honest about my own , but I just don 't have it in me to reveal to the world that , for example , producer Ariadne Bristowe is an aggressively vile , treacherous bitch who regularly fires innocent assistants just for looking at her the wrong way ; or that Mike G . Wilbraham has to give a blow job to the boom operator while finger - banging the assistant cameraman before he is prepared so much as to think about preparing for a scene . All these things are true , of course , but fortunately Ariadne Bristowe doesn 't exist and neither does Mike G . Wilbraham . OR DO THEY ? The actor Rupert Everett in his autobiographical writings manages to be caustic in what you might call a Two Species manner : bitchy and catty . The results are hilarious , but I am far too afraid of how people view me to be able to write like that . Very happy to recommend both his volumes of autobiography / memoir to you , however : RED CARPETS AND OTHER BANANA SKINS and THE VANISHED YEARS . Ideal holiday or Christmas reading . So I now must consider how to present to you this third edition of my life . It must be confessed that this book is an act as vain and narcissistic as can be imagined : the third volume of my life story ? There are plenty of wholly serviceable single - volume lives of Napoleon , Socrates , Jesus Christ , Churchill and even Katie Price . So by what panty - dribbling right do I present a weary public with yet another stream of anecdote , autobiography and confessional ? The first I wrote was a memoir of childhood , the second a chronicle of university and the lucky concatenation of circumstances that led to my being able to pursue a career in performing , writing and broadcasting . Between the end of that second book and this very minute , the minute now that I am using to type this sentence , lies over a quarter of a century of my milling about on television , in films , on radio , writing here and there , getting myself into trouble one way or another , becoming a representative of madness , Twitter , homosexuality , atheism , annoying ubiquity and whatever other kinds of activity you might choose to associate with me . I am making the assumption that in picking up this book you know more or less who I am . I am keenly aware - how could I not be ? - that if one is in the public eye then people will have some sort of view . There are those who thoroughly loathe me . Even though I don 't read newspapers or receive violent abuse in the street , I know well enough that there are many members of the British public , and I daresay the publics of other countries , who think me smug , attention - seeking , false , complacent , self - regarding , pseudo - intellectual and unbearably irritating : diabolical . I can quite see why they would . There are others who embarrass me charmingly by their wild enthusiasm ; they shower me with praise and attribute qualities to me that seem almost to verge on the divine . I don 't want this book to be riddled with too much self - consciousness . There is a lot to say about the end of the 1980s and early 1990s , and you may find the way I go about it to be meandering . I hope a chronology of sorts will emerge as I bounce from theme to theme . There will inevitably be anecdotes of one kind or another , but it is not my business to tell you about the private lives of others , only of my own . I consider myself incompetent when it comes to the business of living life . Maybe that is why I am committing the inexcusable hubris of offering the world a third written autobiography . Maybe here is where I will find my life , in this thicket of words , in a way that I never seem to be able to do outside the bubble I am in now as I write . Me , a keyboard , a mouse , a screen and nothing else . Just loo breaks , black coffees and an occasional glance at my Twitter and email accounts . I can do this for hours all on my own . So on my own that if I have to use the phone my voice is often hoarse and croaky because days will have passed without me speaking to a single soul . I buzz them in . A series of charges that I cannot quite make out are chanted at me like psalms . I am arrested and cuffed . It is all very hurried and sudden but entirely good - natured . One of the policemen asks for a photograph with me . We cut , as dreams so cinematically do , to a courtroom , where a much less sympathetic judge sentences me to six months ' imprisonment with hard labour . He is disgusted that someone who should know so much better could have committed so foolish a crime and present so ignoble an example to the young , impressionable people who might errantly look up to him . The judge wishes the sentence could be longer but he must abide by the guidelines laid down by statute . A vast dining hall . I sit to eat in a huge wide shot like Cody Jarrett as played by James Cagney in WHITE HEAT . And then we see me in mid shot , as cool and unruffled as Tim Robbins 's ageless Andy Dufresne , taking my tray to the table . Friends visit me . Always staying the other side of the bars . Hugh and Jo Laurie . Kim Harris , my first lover . My literary agent Anthony and my theatrical agent Christian . My sister and PA Jo . There is something they are not telling me , but I am comfortable in prison and feel sorry for them , having to leave and return to the world of bustle and business . I am in the corridor cleaning the floor with an electric polisher . It has two rotating discs with gently abrasive pads press - studded to the base , and I enjoy holding it like a pneumatic drill , feeling its power under me , how I have to keep it from flying free of my grip as it pulls like an eager dog at the leash . The floor comes up in a glossy shine . This is the life . An old lag walks up to me , coughing on his tightly rolled - up cigarette , which wags up and down as he speaks . He has seen a letter in the governor 's office , which he Pledges and tidies daily . My sentence is to be extended . I will never leave . It is easy to attempt a little oneiromancy here . My real life is a prison , so a real prison would be an escape . That would be the one - line pitch , as they say in Hollywood . I am one who , like so many Britons of a certain class and era , was born to institutions . School houses merge into Oxbridge colleges which merge into Inns of Court or the BBC as it was or into regiments or ships of the line or into one of the two Houses of Parliament or into the Royal Palaces or into Albany or the clubs of Pall Mall and St James 's . All very male , all very Anglo - Saxon ( a few Jews allowed from time to time - it is vulgar to be racially obsessed ) , all very cosy , absurd and out of date . If you really want to have a look at this world in its last hurrah just before I was born then you should read the first eight or nine chapters of Moonraker , a Bond novel , but with an opening that is simultaneously hilarious , fantastically observed , drool worthily aspirational and skin - pricklingly suspenseful . I observed of myself in my second book of memoirs , THE FRY CHRONICLES , and earlier in my first , MOAB IS MY WASHPOT , that I seem always to be obsessed with belonging . Half of me , I wrote in Moab , yearns to be part of the tribe ; the other half yearns to be apart from the tribe . All the clubs I belong to - six so - called gentleman 's clubs and goodness knows how many more Soho - style media watering - holes - are vivid testament to a soul searching for his place in British society . Maybe prison is the ultimate club for people like me . I am wary of interpretations . I refuse to interpret my life and its motives because I am not qualified . You may choose to do so . You may find me and my history repugnant , fascinating , indicative of an age now long gone , typical of a breed whose time is up . There are all kinds of ways of looking at me and my story . If you want to bore someone , tell them your dreams . I seem to have got off on the wrong foot . I plead forgiveness for , while I would not claim that there is anything experimental about this memoir , I would ask you to be ready for a flitting backwards and forwards in time . The experience of writing about this period in my life has had some of the qualities of a dream : unexpected , freakish , disgusting , frightening , incredible and at one and the same time crystal clear and maddeningly occluded . It is my job , I suppose in this far from divine comedy , to be Virgil to your Dante , guiding you as straightforwardly and tenderly as I can through the circles of my particular hell , purgatory and heaven . In the following pages I will try to be as truthful as I can ; I will leave interpretation and , generally speaking , motivation , to you . Penguin books was an idea first conceived by founder Allen Lane whilst he waited on a train platform with nothing to read - sound familiar ? With the first Penguin paperbacks arriving in the summer of 1935 and costing no more than sixpence , the way that the public thought about books changed forever . The Penguin revolution had begun . Simply connect to the Virgin Media WiFi service when you 're on the Tube . Like to know more ? Visit the TfL website : tfl . gov . uk / station - wifi for more information and help to get started . |
Doods . . . Happy New Year . 2017 is going to be awesome , I can feel it . There will be real live fresh dead things to nom upon , lots of premium Nip , and the new season of Doctor Who . The Woman said we 're not staying up until midnight to see the new year come in . She wants to lay down and read for a while and then will probably go to sleep around 10 : 30 , but I think she 's forgetting that we have neighbors that like to shoot off fireworks , so she 's gonna be awake at midnight anyway . Maybe she 'll get up then and get me a snack . If she 's going to be up , she might as well be useful . Anyway . . . I had a good 2016 , even if it wasn 't so hot for a lot of other people . And I think 2017 will be spiffy . So , have an awesome Happy New Years , doods , and be sure to wake your people up bright and early in the morning to wish them one , too . Like , loudly . They 'll love that . . . . the second book in the Wick Chronicles is available for purchase . The Woman was supposed to click on " I approve the e - proof but don 't want this released until I get the hard copy " but instead she clicked " Yay ! It 's pretty ! Sell it ! " so the distributor sent it out into the world . She 's not worried about it because this one went through formatting and the printer without any hiccups , but she 's also not ordering any copies for pawtographing until she gets a copy in hand . We 're working on the 3rd - - and potentially 4th - - books now . I say that because we may have to split the story , because one part of it might be a little too adult for the Wick series . Not , like , Fifty Shades kind of adult , but more adult than Emperor and Ozoo . Ha . Fifty Shades of Wick . Oh ! I wonder when the People will put up my Whovimas tree . Once I have that , and a fire in the fireplace , life is gonna be goooood . Oh ! ! December also means they 're gonna go toy shopping ! I hope we fill the back of the CX - 5 . It 's not Christmas if we don 't fill the car . Why did I wanna rush ? Aside from really liking it , the hero is Jericho , a giant of a black kitty with super cool blue eyes and pointy fangs , and he 's wicked smart . There 's trouble brewing in this little town called Urchin Cove , and they gotta find out whodunit . I don 't want to give anything away , but let 's just say that there are bits and pieces that should have been one whole person . And yeah , who the heck would do that ? And doods . . . when you get to the end and find out more about Jericho ? THERE BETTER BE ANOTHER BOOK WITH HIM . Once I got started , I really didn 't want to put it down . It 's not a long book - - definitely novella length - - which makes it easy to devour in a lazy afternoon . So maybe start it when you have a couple hours so that you don 't have to argue with a person about putting your Kindle away when she wants to go to bed but you still wanna read . There are some problems with the editing ; lots of typos and punctuation issues , but seriously doods , you can gloss right over those and I probably only noticed them because it 's kinda what the Woman does all day , looking for stuff like that ( and I point that out knowing full well that every freaking book I 've ever written makes it to print with some mistakes that no one caught . It happens . ) The story is fast and fun , and I really enjoyed it . I enjoyed it enough that if Amazon didn 't auto - reject all my reviews , * I 'd review it there . It 's only $ 2 . 99 to buy it for the Kindle or Kindle apps , totally worth it ( and hellz yeah I paid for a copy , this is not a review - for - a - freebie . . . just in case you wondered . I just liked it and wanted to share . . . there aren 't enough books where the cat is the hero . ) * Thing to know : Amazon , if they can connect authors in any way , delete their reviews , because they don 't want sock puppet or quid pro quo reviewing . Which bites . But I understand it . The Grandma is a lesson in what to do right . She stays busy and stays in shape , so that she can get through stuff like this . If she had been a blob that never moves , it would have been way , way worse . Like , super worse . But she does all the right things , which gave her a huge leg up . It 's fireplace weather . I waited a freaking long time for this . I like living here , but winter is not long enough . I only get to use it like 2 - 3 months a year , and I would be happier if it was more like 6 months . Or longer . This morning the Woman was greeted by the pile o ' poop someone left in the hallway , and when she was cleaning that up , she stepped in a puddle of pee . One of us tried hard to make it to the box in time , but we 're not telling her who . And we won 't tell her if it happened because the other kitty was already in the box , or if one of us woke up and was like OH HOLY HELL I GOTTA GO , or what . Figuring this carp up is her job , not mine . The Woman did NaNoWriMo this year , and she 's already past the 50 , 000 word point , which means she won the spiffy PDF certificate . Now that she 's got that out of the way and we 're deep into the third Wick book , she 's been able to get the last of the final touches done on the second book . In fact , while she was polishing , the cover was created , and the interior is now being formatted . It should be out early December . That 's the perks of small and indie publishers . . . things get done fast . That means that pretty soon the People are going to count up all the monies you guys have spent on my books , and they 're going to take it and try to fill the back of the Woman 's new car , which is bigger than the HHR the Man drives and we 've filled the last couple of years . I 'm 99 . 9 % sure we can do it . And there will still be some monies left over for the shelter kitties and puppies . The Grandma is not only out of ICU , she got to go home today . She 's still pretty tired so she needs to rest , but at least she gets to rest in her own house and sleep in her own bed . The Man and his sister are with her so she 's not alone , which leaves me here to keep an eye on the Woman and make sure she doesn 't throw any wild parties or have too much fun . I got the Woman up at 5 : 30 this morning so that she would have enough time to really wake up before going out to vote . She grumbled about it , and said that she had all freaking day to do it , but I know she wanted to be sure to get it done . And she was out the door and home by 7 : 40 , so I hope she appreciates my efforts on her behalf . But . . . we don 't really want to sit here glued to the results . Whether we 're watching or not , the winner will be who the winner will be . And watching the talking heads spout back and forth about early polls and who 's winning what can just be frustrating . So we 're gonna turn the TV off and work . The Grandma is still in the hospital , so ongoing mojo is greatly appreciated . It 's been a week now and she 's still in ICU - - she was out and in a regular bed for one night but then had to go back - - and we just want for her to get better really fast . You guys know how much I love the Grandma , she 's pretty free with the treats and tells me I 'm handsome , and is just a super special person . So I want her to be better . So . . . back to work . We 've done a bunch of editing today , implementing some little things the editor suggested ( apparently I use the word " really " a lot ) and once we get that done the Woman wants " one more pass . " Tomorrow she promised to work on the 3rd book with me , which basically means she takes my notes to Starbucks and drinks tea . The Woman just said that this has been a really craptastic week and she would like a do - over . I concur . It has not been a happy week , and is making me think 2016 needs to end already so that 2017 can start and maybe reboot everything . The Grandma 's appendix attacked her and went - splooge - and got a spendy ride to the stabby place ; the stabby guy yanked it out of her , but she hasn 't felt well at all since so she 's still there , and has been since Tuesday . Her heart got all fluttery and they took care of that , but she also feels like she wants to hurl . So they gotta fix that , too . Everyone here is tired and pulled thin . . . but everyone will be okay soon , they just gotta get through it . But Buddah and I have been very good and not singing during the night . I even cuddled with the Woman this morning , and when she gets back later I 'll cuddle with her some more . The Woman keeps her Dammit Monitor right by the bathroom door . The footprint of the bathroom is such that if I 'm in there with her , and I want to get out easily , I have to sit on it while she opens the door . If I don 't , I wind up behind her , waiting , and we can 't have that . As a rule , I go in with her at least once a day . It 's a great time to get head skritches and tummy rubs , because she 's basically captive , and since she 's not going anywhere for a few seconds , she figures there 's no reason not to cater to my whims . I have her pretty well trained to bend over to pet me , and she doesn 't mind , so it 's sort of a win - wine . I like my other fireplace bed , and wanted it back . So she finally caved in , and put my preferred napping surface back in place , and the Man took this one and set it on the coffee table in the front room . He never intended to leave it there ; it was just until they figured out where it would live permanently . In that time we engaged in the M - Word way too many times , Buddah came to live with me , a bunch of you helped write 2 cat blogger books ( we totally need to do that again ! ) , I bought a house ( don 't let the people fool you , I know I paid for it ) , and I 've met so many super cool doods . A lot of the cats who started blogging along with me have gone onto the Bridge - - and I miss them like crazy - - but we 'll see ' em again on the flipside . So many new kitties have taken up blogging that there 's no way to keep up with them all . And we have a new goal this holiday season . . . you know how we try to fill the back of the HHR with toys for Toys for Tots ? Well , this year we have the CX5 and the back is way bigger , so we 're hoping to fill that . That 's where the money goes when you buy my books : toys , stuff for shelter pets , and various charities . I don 't know what that means but I heard the Woman say it last night . She said it as she hit SEND on an email sending the next book to the editor . That doesn 't mean it 's 100 % done , but it 's done enough to show it to the person who will say how awful it is . It 's also done enough to start the graphics train moving , finding cover art and picking a spiffy font , and done enough to try to figure out what the blurb will be . While we 're waiting on the editor , we 're plowing ahead into book three . We have the story , some notes ( which will be expanded ) and know what 's going to happen . It 's just the process of getting it written . Sure , no biggie , right ? I think the rest of this month will be notes and stuff , and the actual writing will start in November . The Woman is thinking about doing NaNoWriMo with it this year , even though she loses a week to the 3 Day Boobie Walk . We can write enough words in a day to cover that , I think . It works out to around 2700 a day for three weeks , and it 's not unusual for us to get 5 , 000 + . Now , when she works alone , the Woman is lucky to hit 1000 . She needs me . But I bet you anything , at the end of November when we 're way over 50 , 000 words , she keeps the winner 's certificate . Okay , so the Woman got up at a normal people hour and fed us at 7 : 20 this morning . Now , normally after I eat in the morning I go take a nice 4 hour nap in order to prepare myself for the nice 3 hour nap I enjoy most afternoons . But this morning I decided to stay up , and I sat on the end table near the Woman 's comfy chair and stared at her . I was still for a good half hour , until she was finally unnerved enough to tell me to go find something better to do . And that seemed perfectly reasonable , so I jumped to the chair 's headrest and started meowing in her ear every 6 . 35 seconds . Right about the point I knew she was getting irritated , I jumped down , sat in front of the treat machine , and politely requested that she remove a few for me . Sure , I can get stuff out of it myself , but why ? I already know that if I ask nicely , she 'll do it for me . And she did , she got up and put down a handful of the dry Fancy Feast food that serves as filler in the treat machine . And since she was up , she decided to get her own breakfast . Well . . . I was not going to eat dry krap if there was a chance at something better . So I followed her , and reminded her I was there , and I would like to know what she was planning on having , just in case it was something I would like a taste of . That 's all I expect , a tiny taste . And I was filled with disappointment when it looked as if she was going to have the same oatmeal bar she usually does , but she looked down and said , " You 're still hungry , aren 't you ? " I can 't think of any other reason for forgetting to do my Ask Max Monday column last week . We 've been working a lot , some days spending 12 + hours writing , but I didn 't think it was making me forget what day or even what week it is , though . Seriously , if you had asked me a couple of days ago where the column was , I 'd have sworn I uploaded it . Last night we finished working a little early so the Woman decided to go to bed at a normal - people hour . She was almost asleep , but a noise outside startled her , so she was wide awake . And it happened again . . . = this = close to being asleep , and then = bam = a noise outside . So she gave up , got out of bed for a few minutes , and waited until she was good and sleepy to go back to bed . We kinda sorta sold out of the hardback books yesterday , but the Woman saw it coming and placed an order for more the night before . We were worried because it took freaking forever to get the hardbacks in in the first place , but she paid an extra $ 13 for rush service , and doods . . . rush service must work , because the books are shipping today . Which means we 'll have them probably by Monday , because they were sent from Las Vegas and that usually doesn 't take too long . Thing thing is , we started this one with some pretty comprehensive notes and knew exactly what the story was and where it was going . The whole concept has been simmering in the backs of out brains for a couple of years , so it 's not like we pulled the story out of our asterisks . We even have notes for the next one , and ideas for any that might follow . So she 's probably worried for nothing . Sometimes a book damn near writes itself . I mean , seriously . More than one of you has asked about a more adult theme for future books with the Emperor . . . and that kind of took us by surprise . This was always intended to be a teen / young adult thing , but that doesn 't mean that there can 't be a grown up story to spring from it . If we do that , it probably won 't be considered part of The Wick Chronicles , but a stand alone kind of thing . We 're not discounting it . That said , we 're pushing right up against the edge of the YA genre this time , I think . Nothing graphic , but there are more mature elements to the next story , because face it : there are teenagers in Wick 's world , and two of them are planning a future , so . . . there has to be some realism . Not to mention the King and Queen . They might be old married grunts but they still like each other . And y ' all know how we were talking about the vomit draft ? Or maybe the Woman did that on her blog , I dunno . But by working 14 - 16 hour days a whole lot of the last couple of months , we 've gotten past the vomit draft and the first draft of Book 2 of The Wick Chronicles is actually written and will be going to beta readers soon . We know it need some work - - we 're at that Well I like it but I know something is missing stage - - but dang , doods , there 's a chance it could be out by Christmas . The problem is we have no title . We always have at least a working title . But not this time . * She 's only doing this for people she has a personal relationship with , because she knows where they love and can go break some of their toys if they don 't pay . Y ' all remember Ginger the Cat , right ? I still miss her . She was awesome . And so are her mom and dad , Rita and Fred . Bluntly . . . Fred has cancer . It 's aggressive . And because it 's draining him , he can 't drive to appointments and the like , and it 's costing an arm and a leg to get him there . Right now he 's in the hospital trying to get stabilized so he can go home , but holy hell , this is going to be a hard , hard fight , and the last thing they need to worry about is the costs of just getting him where he needs to be . So . Jasper McKittencat 's people started a Go Fund Me page so that we can all pitch in . Any little bit will help . These are truly amazing people , and if I could , I would actually go outside in order to help them , but this is the best I can do . In the meantime , I get to enjoy it while I lounge on the desk during work hours . And there 's been a lot of those lately . Sometimes 12 - 14 hours a day . ( ( OTOH , there might have to be an R rated version , because honestly ? Bouncy things through a cat 's eyes is . . . interesting . And funny . ) ) ♦ The Woman put pants on today and went outside - - I know , right ? PANTS ! - - and when she came back she had a plastic bag in her hand , so I asked her of she bought me anything . Doods , she totally did ! She bought me a bag of Fancy Feast dry food , because that 's what goes into the treat machine . And I didn 't even have to work for it ; she put some in the machine but then also dropped a handful down onto the plastic base so that I could just eat a bunch . ♦ I still have not see a printed copy of the hard back version of my book . The printer is supposed to send me a proof copy , but every time I check it 's still " in printing " so I ordered one off Amazon and it 'll be here Monday . Go figure . You guys might see it before I do . All righty , doods . The book went live on Amazon for the Kindle about an hour ago , and it 's in the distribution system for print and can be ordered , though Amazon says it 'll take a couple of extra days . I have not yet seen a print copy , just the e - proofs , but I 'll see one tomorrow ( I think the hard back , but I 'm not 100 % sure ) and if it looks sucky I 'll tell you . In fact , I wish I had my fun bits , so I could spawn , and I would name him Wick , so that Wick could continue on . But I don 't , so there will just have to be more Wick books . Next one is pretty much outlined to the end ( except a few parts ) and the vomit draft is half done . Oh yeah , I have found my calling , and it is Wick . Now , that sounds all right ; just be patient and my Feline Overlord story idea will come to fruition . But do you know how long it takes to write and then get a book published ? I 'm 15 now . I 'll be 16 when the second book is done , which means she expects me to hang around until I 'm 17 years old . Gotta get the first one out , though . It 's in the printer 's paws , and as soon as we see a clean proof , we 'll click on " ACCEPT " and let it fly into the public 's hands . Looks like you 'll get your choice of Kindle book * , trade paperback , and hardback . Okay , back to work . We have book two of The Wick Chronicles to write . * If you read on another type e - reader , I can arrange for you to buy a copy . We just have to do the conversion here , at least for now . While we wait . . . Tell ya what , though , I don 't think I 've ever had more fun writing something or liked it quite as much , even if I am nervous about it . I think the Woman is enjoying it , too , because the notes for book two are keeping her awake at night , as the story percolates in her brain . This is perfect for me ; I get to sleep , she gets to think . Cripes almighty , doods , this book is essentially done . We 're just doing some minor revisions and proofing . She could set it aside and take copious notes for me , but nooooo . Oh . I need to get into it and then help the Woman work on my book . We worked yesterday and if you ever doubted that I dictate to her . . . well , here 's the proof . We 're on the home stretch with the book . Revisions are nearly done , and then it needs to be proofed . We are WAY ahead of the deadline , so if we get finished and it gets proofed and the editor says ok , it may go to print long before expected . And we have tons of notes for the next one , so we might jump onto that , too . Just look around . The people doing the ugly things are broken people ; there are more of you that are whole and wonderful and so breathtakingly beautiful , and you need to remember that . There are far more good people in the world than bad , but it 's the ones doing awful , horrible things that get noticed most . Okay , so the Woman doesn 't always sleep very well . This makes her cranky and , frankly , a sub - par can opener , so lately I 've been trying to help her . The other morning I woke her up at 5 : 45 and then kept bugging her until she got out of bed , because it made sense : if she got up early , she would be tired at night , and would then be able to sleep . But did I let that stop me ? No . It occurred to me that perhaps her sleep issues were related to a cold head , since that 's never covered at night . So I jumped up onto the bed at 5 or so , and curled up next to her head , trying to send warms her way . Then I realized it might work better if there was direct contact , so doods , I was super thoughtful and climbed onto her pillow and wrapped my body around her head . Then last night , I wanted to just check on her , so I jumped up onto the bed and simply watched her . Four times she opened her eyes and said " Jesus ! " so four times I had to jump down to go see if he was maybe at the front door or something , but no . It was just Buddah and me home with her . I wetn back to report that , and she got up , put me out of the room and closed the door . In fact , she was so not grateful that she told the Man about it , and you know what she said ? SHE SAID I WAS CREEPY AS PHK LAST NIGHT ! All I did was stare at her while she slept . I didn 't even lie down , I sat there fully upright , except for my head , which I may have had a few inches from her face , and strained my neck in the process . Now , the editor is a mean , mean , mean lady who takes her red pen and writes mean , mean , mean things all over a manuscript . This makes me wonder how many monitors she 's gone through , because I 'm guessing she has to mail those to her writers when she 's done , but that 's beside the point . She likes to write 37 things on every page , and because it 's in red even the nice things like This made me laugh ! look angry . Oh , don 't look at me like that . She knows she 's old . She used to ride a dinosaur to school for Pete 's sake . In other news , if you haven 't read There Once Was a Cat From Nantucket . . . yet and you have an e - reader with a Kindle app , it 's gonna go on super - sale soon . Like , free for 3 days . I don 't know the dates yet , but as soon as I do , I 'll let ya know . Ok , I think I need to celebrate tonight . I told the Woman this would be a good night for some real live fresh dead steak and some shrimpy things , but so far she hasn 't moved fro her chair , so we 'll see . But I really do think a brand new bouncing baby book calls for noms worthy of all my literary efforts . " Maybe . Wick is the narrator , so he technically has the bulk of the story . And as cats go , there 's not a lot of verbal back and forth with other characters . " " Yes , but people don 't want the minutia of real life . It 's boring . Everyone poops but I 'm not putting that into the book . " " No . And none of this addresses the volume of dialog in the manuscript . You need to start picturing the words in your head , and then showing those same things in the narrative . " " You 're right . This chit is boring . You go back to work and I 'll start polishing my thinks . I have no idea how you ever managed to write without me before . " Y ' all know I 'm a senior kitty , right ? I turn 15 in about a month . Now , I 'm a healthy senior kitty , as evidenced by my recent stabby guy checkup ( new stabby guy , I might like him because he gives me drugs and I don 't remember being there , but because of the drugs I don 't really know ) so the people aren 't especially worried about me . I 'm slower than I used to be , and I nap more , and the Woman thinks that a lot of the time I just look sleepy . And that 's okay . I 've earned my naps and tiredness , and even my cranky times . But the Woman noticed that I ask for dinner a little early more often than I used to , and I want food at 4 am when I used to just be happy to sing in the hall . So sometimes I get dinner early because I ask nicely , and if someone is awake at 4am - - it happens because the Man works nights and sometimes stays up that late when he 's off - - I get an extra dinner . The glorious part ? The Woman said that maybe it 's time to let me have gravy food again . And the Man said that maybe I should also get to have the special gooshy stuff , Fancy Feast Medleys , because I do love them , and . . . I am fifteen . Now , generally , the rule here is that no gets to intentionally scare a kitty , which kept the People from getting a Roomba for years . But then the Auntie got one and really liked it so they decided to go ahead and give it a try . Since Buddah and I tend to nap in a bedroom , they figured they could close the doors and run it while we 're sleeping . This morning , they learned the truth : it doesn 't bother me . I made note of it , and then went about my business . And Buddah isn 't really afraid of it , he 's just cautious . He 'll follow it from room to room to see what it 's doing , but he 's not hiding from it . . . but I 'm still gonna tell him that when he 's not looking , the Roomba will eat his soul . Other doods . . . . William of Mass Destruction is nearing his time to go to the Bridge . Please go say something , tell him how much you love him . He deserves a whole lotta love . He 's wicked cool and a long time blogging buddy , and he 's gonna be missed so hard . The Woman thinks I 'm a slave - driver , pushing her to get this thing done , but doods , I have so many things in my head and I have to write them NOW while I can . She can go write her own things and play when I 'm done . Right ? Like tonight . She felt like working from her comfy chair in front of the TV ( after she colored in a coloring book like a 7 year old ) so I lounged on the back of the chair near her head . It was an ideal position , because I can see what she 's typing , and that makes it easier to correct her mistakes . Sometimes we disagree on dialog , but that 's just because she has a people brain and not a cat brain , so even though I tell her what to type , her brain translated it into something different . Like tonight . My narrator is a cat named Wick , and he was talking about being hissed off . So that 's what I told her to say . Hissed off . That 's not remotely the same . First off , Wick doesn 't have ticks . He 's a royal kitty , and very hygienic . And being a kitty , he hisses . There are so many more things like that . It makes writing exhausting . But the story is good , so I 'm keeping at it , but I really do think I need someone else to type my thinks , someone who doesn 't edit me as she goes along . I didn 't get to talk much last year about my favorite subject , because the Woman " took a year off " and deprived me of doing much about it . But this year ? I totally get to talk about it . Them . Heh . Boobies . Who doesn 't like boobies ? The kind of boobies that thousands of people walk for every year , raising money to save . Or treat , really . Eventually they 'll get saved , but a lot of the walking is for treating the kraptastic things that happen to some people who have boobies . So the Woman is walking this year . And you know what else ? SO IS THE MAN ! ! ! For reals ! And you know what else ? This year they have some super spiffy prizes for their donors . Like every year , every $ 5 you donate gets you an entry … and they 're going to have something pretty much every 5 - 6 weeks . The first drawing on April 30 is for a Garmin Vivosmart HR activity tracker AND a Garmin Index digital scale ( it 's smart … it keeps track and sends data to your account so you can see how you 're doing . ) This prize is worth $ 500 . If you want to read more about what the prizes they have so far are , peek at the Woman 's blog from a week or so ago ( click here ) . She 's got a picture of all of the stuff . But I can tell you , too … The Vivosmart HR & Garmin scaleKodak 14MP digital camera Roku Streaming Stick Kindle Fire 6 Samsung Galaxy Tab E Tablet11 " Dell laptop 13 " Dell laptopBut go read , ' cause there might be other things I 'm not thinking about . If you donate now , you 're entered for ALL of them … even if you win one . You can win another . Just click on their pictures , that goes right to their fundraising pages . One or both , doesn 't matter . Oh , and my buddy Weezer ( she loves me and wants a date on the 2nd Tuesday of next week ) says her people will pony up a super - duper sweet prize if the people both hit their minimum goals by the end of September . Everything you donate through their official fundraising pages is tax deductible , don 't forget that . And IT ' S FOR THE BOOBIES ! ! ! Boobies . Boobies . |
Dr . Wilson frowned , drumming his fingers on what had once been Dr . Bumby 's desk . " I sent the accursed thing express . . . damn , I hope it hasn 't gone missing . I worked hard on that letter . " " My bet 's on ' hasn 't even arrived yet , ' " Alice said . " It 's at least five days out from London , and everything Victor 's told me suggests it 's a lonely little village . They still have a town crier , for goodness 's sake ! Their post office is probably just a hole in the wall . Possibly literally . " " I admit , I didn 't see one when I visited , " Dr . Wilson allowed , rubbing his beard . " There really isn 't much to it . Rings of rickety little houses , a few small shops in the square , and the Van Dort and Everglot mansions - God knows what they 'll do with the latter now that the Everglots have abandoned it . Even the church is over the bridge . I think you could walk the outer wall of the place in just under a day . It 's straight out of a fairy tale . " " I agree most of it could use a bit of color - but I dare you to apply that epithet to Mrs . Van Dort , " Dr . Wilson responded . " I wish I still had the letter she wrote me asking me to come and ' cure ' Victor . How did it start ? ' Dear Dr . Wilson - my name is Mrs . Eleanor Van Dort , of the Van Dort Fish cannery - don 't worry , we don 't actually stink of the wretched stuff . ' " " It was along those lines , anyway . Followed immediately by a list of the various important people she claimed they 'd entertained , or at least sold fish to . Damned if I remember them all - I didn 't recognize most at the time . " " No , no , it made the body , " Dr . Wilson assured her , waving a hand . " Along with her claiming that he was always a delicate child , and did I know he used to wet his combinations regularly ? " He shook his head . " How the boy managed to survive having her for a mother . . . it 's no wonder , honestly , that she threw me out in a huff once I declared him perfectly fit for normal society . She 'd already decided there was something wrong with him , and she was going to have a ' professional ' back her up and damn the consequences . A nasty case of narcissism coupled with the funds to indulge it . " He drummed his fingers against the desk . " Which is why it worries me that we haven 't heard back from her yet . This is just the kind of incident that would make her throw a fit . " Or disown Victor entirely , Alice thought , lips thinning . I 've seen how they treat him . They never even came to visit on a good day . Why should they change their ways now ? Likely they 're already pretending they never had a son to avoid the scandal . " I 'd give it another day or two , " she said aloud , holding her hands behind her as she rocked on her heels . " Express or not , it 's a long ride . . . and maybe the mailman 's gotten lost trying to find the place . " " I specifically asked for someone who knew the area to prevent that possibility , " Dr . Wilson replied . " Though you 're right , I myself got a little turned around trying to find it before my ill - fated consultation . . . we 'll give it a couple more days . No sense in working myself up about it just yet . Plenty here that needs my attention more . " He shuffled through the correspondence . " While we 're on the subject of Victor , how is he today ? " " He attends every one . Not like he has much better to do . He 's too big for the dollhouse , and Elsie 's confused him for the March Hare and won 't let him attend her tea parties . " Dr . Wilson chuckled . " I 'm a little surprised you aren 't hauling him around with you now . You clung quite tightly to him in the asylum . " " Well , the poor fellow is wearing out , " Alice retorted , folding her arms . " It 's a temptation , but I don 't want him to fall apart just when I need him most . Which reminds me - any luck locating Mr . Radcliffe ? " " Well , we have a letter from Officer Parker here . . . . " Dr . Wilson slit it open and skimmed the contents . " He 's in Sussex right now - and nothing yet . He promises to let us know the moment he locates the man , though . " Alice huffed . " Slipperier than an eel . . . but perhaps it 's for the best he 's still lost . I 'm on draft five of my letter to him , and I still can 't resist the urge to call him names . " She glanced sideways at Dr . Wilson . " I don 't think greeting him with the salutation ' Dear Pig - Headed Layabout ' will win me his friendship . " " Probably not , " Dr . Wilson agreed . " If you 'd like me to write it instead , don 't hesitate to ask . " He patted a drawer . " And I have the affidavit stating I consider you well enough to manage your own financial affairs safely tucked away here . He won 't be able to argue with that . " " Thank you . I 'll strive for something lacking profanity in attempt six . " Alice brushed a bit of dust from her apron . " Now , which of the children am I sending in for three o ' clock ? " " They always are . . . . " Dr . Wilson rubbed his face . " Would you believe that Dr . Bumby has absolutely nothing to do with his desire to steal underwear ? " " I 'm serious . I was reading through that journal of his again , and came across an entry detailing an attempt to squash the urge . Said it made him too hard to sell on the block , the bastard . . . Ollie himself still refuses to tell me what he wants with them . " Alice made a face . " Oh , for . . . he 's all yours , doctor , " she said , waving a hand dismissively as she made for the door . " Just let me know when we can take the locks off the wardrobes . " The rarest sound of all in the Home greeted her as she entered the hall - silence . Amazing just how quiet the place can be when the children are all outside , Alice mused as she headed for the stairs . I hope they 're enjoying the slush from yesterday - and not tormenting June too badly with it . Suppose I could join in the fun , but my other dress is in the wash already , and I 'm not keen on wandering around here in my underthings . Another thing for my to - do list : new clothes . . . . I guess I could sweep the floor , but do I really feel like more chores ? Especially when soon enough we 'll have at least one wet pair of mucky feet marching up and down the halls ? She paused on the landing , running her fingers along the banister as tiny snails wound their slow way up the spokes . Perhaps the best thing to do is ask Victor if he 's ready for another go at that blasted wall - Oh . Or I could go see who that is , Alice though , shaking her head as she started down . Hopefully it 's Tailor and not Dickenson - you 'd think two slammed doors in a man 's face would make him take a hint . The rapping only got loud with every step she took , and graduated into full - on banging as she reached Victor 's door . " All right , all right ! " she called as she hurried toward the front entrance . " Give me a moment , will you ? Whatever happened to patience ? " Their mystery guest apparently had no clue , as they kept up their imperious tempo without the slightest break . Alice took a moment to compose herself - Polite and sane , that 's the ticket - then opened the door . " Now then , how can I - " Alice reeled backward as Nell Van Dort exploded into the front foyer , face dark and hair flying every which way from under her hat . " I can 't believe this ! In the papers too ! I swear , we can 't let him alone for five minutes without - you ! Would you care to tell me what lies you 've been spreading about our boy ? " she snapped , rounding on Alice with murder in her eyes . " You know what I 'm taking about ! " One tentacle - No , Alice , hand ! She 's not the Queen of Hearts , no matter how well an impression she 's doing at the moment - was thrust into the fancy beaded handbag dangling at her side , and came out clutching a rather crumpled copy of the Illustrated . " ' Liddell Hero Saves Children , Van Dort Heir From Disgusting Doctor ! ' " she read off the front . " ' " I thought it important to get justice for the children , " plucky patient says . ' Balderdash ! " She jabbed her fan at Alice 's face - Alice jumped back to avoid losing an eye . " We know about you , Miss Liddell ! The one from that dreadful fire ! A woman burns up her entire family , and now they 're calling her a hero ? " Alice 's hackles rose . " If you 'd bothered to read past the quote , you 'd see that the actual perpetrator was the very man you entrusted with your son 's care ! I have proof ! " " Proof ? Hah ! You just want attention ! " Mrs . Van Dort growled . " How much did you pay this ' Tailor ' to print this drivel ? " " Barry came in with it over breakfast one day last week , " Mrs . Van Dort said , fanning herself rapidly as if she feared she 'd be overcome with emotion otherwise . " Said we needed to come here right away because Victor was in trouble . I 'll give him that he was right about that ! This rag claims - well , you 're the one responsible for it , you know ! And you have the audacity to say Victor was smack dab in the middle of it all ! As Dr . Bumby 's ' personal assistant , ' no less ! " Oh damn . . . . " You 're rather behind the times , " Alice groaned , pinching her nose . " And you were long gone before Dr . Wilson 's letter even had a chance to be written , weren 't you ? " " Dr . Wilson ? " Alice started , then looked around Mrs . Van Dort to see the slight , puzzled figure of her husband just behind . " Harry Wilson ? " " That same crackpot who told us it was perfectly fine to let Victor believe nonsense like corpse brides and Lands of the Dead ? " Mrs . Van Dort added , eyes slitted . " Why would he be writing to us ? " The fire in the grate twisted itself into a mockery of the woman 's face , daring Alice to yank her tongue out by the root . " Well , in point of fact , he 's taken over the Home now that Dr . Bumby has passed , " Alice explained , rocking slightly in an attempt to keep her temper . " Which includes your son . " " What ? ! Oh no , this will not stand ! " Mrs . Van Dort declared , slamming her fan shut . " I refuse to let that idiot take any more of our precious time and money ! And I certainly will not let you try to make our son your neighbor in the madhouse ! " One stab with the Vorpal Blade in that bulging throat , and the witch would be silenced forever . . . but Alice didn 't have her most loyal weapon , and Victor would probably be put out with her if he came in and found his mother so much long pork on the floor . She held up her hands , hoping to quiet the beast just long enough to fob her off on someone else . " Mrs . Van Dort , if you 'll just let me - " Oh , of course . . . . Alice turned to see Victor standing in the doorway , watching her and her guests with anxious eyes . " I - um h - heard shouting - " he started , wringing his hands . " If t - this is a bad time - " Mrs . Van Dort charged at Victor , Mr . Van Dort hobbling up in her wake . " Oh , Victor , you 've really done it this time ! " she shrieked as her son stumbled back a few frightened steps . " Not only have you not given up your mad little fantasy about corpse brides , you 've gotten involved with a woman like that ? " One pudgy finger shot out at Alice . " A clear lunatic that they only let out of bedlam because they despaired of ever curing her ? How you constantly find new depths to sink to is beyond me ! " She slapped his chest with her fan . " Nearly a year of treatment under the best psychiatrist in the business , and you somehow manage not to improve at all ! In fact , you do just the opposite and make us all look like laughingstocks ! And now your name is in this horrible tabloid , claiming - do you know how much we had to pay the crier not to go telling every soul in the village ? How much money we 've wasted on you in general ? We try and we try to make you fit for society , and you throw it all back in our face ! " The fan smacked him again , harder this time . " Well , no more ! You are out of chances , young man ! You will straighten up and make something of yourself , or it 's out on the street with you ! You 're a disgrace , Victor , and I will not have it ! " Victor gaped at her , eyes wide . " And stop goggling like a dead fish ! " Mrs . Van Dort added , using her favorite weapon for its intended purpose again . " You look like you 're simple . " His jaw snapped shut obligingly . Mr . Van Dort touched his wife 's arm , then leaned on his cane , directing a disappointed frown at his son . " Well ? What do you have to say for yourself ? " Now it was the elder Van Dorts ' turn to goggle like dead fish . Alice stepped forward with a heavy sigh . " Mr . and Mrs . Van Dort , allow me to bring you up to speed , " she said , folding her arms across her chest . " Every word of that article is true . Dr . Bumby really was committing such crimes with the children - and he was the mastermind behind the fire that destroyed my family . The only part prone to misinterpretation is Victor 's role as ' personal assistant . ' " " Trying to give your son a modicum of dignity in that ' rag , ' as you put it , " Alice cut her off . " A poor euphemism now , I know , but I thought it sounded better than ' slave . ' You see , Dr . Bumby actually did just what you wanted , and more . He took away Emily 's memory - and the rest of them into the bargain . " She rubbed her nose as the fire giggled over her pains . " Victor is not Bumby 's co - conspirator - he 's his victim . And right now he doesn 't recall much about himself - or his family . " She turned to Victor with a tight smile . " Victor , I 'd like to introduce you to your parents . " Victor stared at her , then at the slack - jawed pair before him . His brow furrowed . " W - William and Nell , right ? " he asked timidly . " We raised you ! " Mrs . Van Dort agreed . Alice bit her tongue to avoid saying something unfortunate . " You can 't forget who gave you life ! " Victor nodded . Alice scowled at Mrs . Van Dort , who had the decency to look uncomfortable for a few moments . " I - I 'm sorry , " he mumbled . " It 's just - hard . . . . " And then , suddenly , he stiffened , staring off into the distance . Alice 's breath caught in her throat . Oh no , oh no no no , not in front of them , please don 't have an episode in front of them , I have no idea how I 'll explain - Fortunately , it seemed even Thirteen had the sense not to emerge in front of Nell the dragon . Instead , Victor 's gaze shifted down to his parents again , a crease forming between his eyes . " You - you brought me here , " he said quietly . " You were sick , Victor . We had to , " Mr . Van Dort put in , with an anxious glance at his wife . " It was for your own good . " Victor 's lunge for his mother was quick , but Alice was quicker . She burst forward in a blaze of blue wings , tackling him around the middle as the Van Dorts beat a hasty retreat . " YOU BROUGHT ME HERE ! " Victor roared , clawing at the air over her shoulder like a wild animal . " YOU LET HIM DO THIS TO ME ! " " HE DIDN ' T WANT ME WELL ! " Victor screamed back . " HE WANTED ME A MINDLESS PUPPET ! HE WANTED ME BROKEN DOWN TO NOTHING ! HE WANTED ME BENT OVER HIS DAMN DESK - " And with that , the explosion was over . The rage drained out of Victor 's face , to be replaced by that haunted look Alice knew all too well by now . " No , " he whimpered , slumping against her shoulder and screwing up his eyes . " No , I d - don 't want to remember that . . . . " Alice squeezed him as he struggled against the tears . " Shhh , it 's all right , it 's all right , " she whispered . " I 'm here . You 're safe . Let 's get you back to your room . " She shot the stunned Van Dorts the coldest look she could manage . " Could you please take a seat and wait for the doctor ? " she said , voice carved from Tundraful 's ice . " I think you ought to hear what actually happened to your son in Bumby 's ' care . ' " Well , here 's something for the list of Most Peculiar Things I 've Ever Seen - a quiet Nell Van Dort . And I 'm not even in Wonderland . Alice glanced at the rusty nails sticking out of the wooden panels lining the walls . Mostly . She leaned on the back of the armchair ( which she still thought of as " Bumby 's chair " - they really did need new furniture around here ) and turned her attention back to the Van Dorts . They were perched on the fainting couch in Dr . Wilson 's office , stock - still and completely dumbstruck by the psychiatrist 's explanation of Victor 's ' treatment ' in Houndsditch . They reminded Alice of a statue she 'd seen once at a party , sitting in the back garden of one of her father 's fellow faculty members . She allowed her imagination to cast them in white marble , roses tangling around their legs , bird droppings splattered along Mr . Van Dort 's sleeve and a nest in Mrs . Van Dort 's hat . She bit back a mean smile . Rather an improvement over them as human beings . Finally , the silence was broken with a loud swallow from Mrs . Van Dort . " You can 't be serious , " she said , though her voice was quite subdued . " That 's not - Dr . Bumby wouldn 't - fancy Victor . " " I 'm afraid I am serious , " Dr . Wilson replied , all professionalism . " It 's all down here in black and white . I don 't blame you for not realizing earlier , of course . He was very skilled at keeping his depravities hidden . " " But - but she says he wanted her sister ! " Mrs . Van Dort huffed , pointing her fan at Alice before snapping it back open . " You can 't have it both ways ! " " Lizzie 's mentioned too in that book , " Alice said , casting a hate - filled glare at the journal . " He more or less admits to - defiling her . Seems to me that you can . " " Don 't you blame this on him liking both men and women , " Alice cut him off , folding her arms . " He would have been just as horrible if Victor had been Victoria . Or if Lizzie had been Lionel , come to think of it . I 'll admit I 'm no authority - neither sex turned my head until I met Victor , and even then it took the better part of a year for said head to turn - but if most people go around leading perfectly normal lives liking just one or the other , I don 't see how he couldn 't have managed liking both . One could even argue that he had twice the options for happiness - and he squandered them because he was a bully and a slave to his own nether regions . " " Everyone also knows bloodletting relieves disorders of the brain , " Alice shot back . " From personal experience , I can tell you that it just makes you feel weak and sick and more prone to seeing things that aren 't there . " She held up her hands , stalling the woman 's further protests . " Dr . Bumby was an evil person who did evil things to many , many people , both men and women , boys and girls . Let 's not give him any excuses , shall we ? " " It matters little now , " Dr . Wilson added . " He 's been dead for a week . We need to focus on helping those left behind . " Mrs . Van Dort scowled , beating the air with her fan . " I 'm still not sure I believe it . Our Victor , actually - even forced I can 't picture it ! And I have it on good authority he tried to marry a dead woman ! " Mr . Van Dort stared at his feet in a very Victor - like pose . " But - how do you not know who your own parents are ? " he mumbled . " Didn 't he see that we looked alike ? Didn 't he recognize his Mother 's voice ? " " Do you think we wanted this to happen ? " Mrs . Van Dort demanded . The fan whipped toward the door . " That is our son out there ! " Mrs . Van Dort fell silent briefly . " I didn 't know then , " she finally said , her tone abashed . " I thought he was just mucking around with the wrong sort . " " Funny , they said much the same about me in the asylum . " Alice rubbed circles into her forehead . " Look , I 'm sorry if I 'm being a bit harsh - I have no doubt you never intended Victor to be - hurt like he was here . But you sent him here regardless , and I think you could stand to be a little more contrite . " " We were just looking out for him ! " Mrs . Van Dort insisted , slapping her knee with her fan . " Get him to stop obsessing over the past and impossible dead people ! Be the gentleman he ought to be ! That 's all ! " " Which I believe included every other psychiatrist you hired to ' cure ' him , the residents of the village where it happened , and me , who lived in the same house - and I didn 't even hear it from him first . One of the children was eavesdropping and let it spill . He only filled in the details when we had a small fight about the reality of it . " " Well , I didn 't at first , but I thought it was a nice enough story . . . and then I happened to run into Victoria White one day on the streets . " She gave the astonished Van Dorts a Cheshire grin . " She 's not very fond of you at the moment . " " Obviously you 're never going to believe it , so I won 't try to convince you , " Alice said as Mrs . Van Dort wrinkled her nose . " But even if it was just a fantasy acted out on a cold winter 's night , what was the harm ? All he wanted was to make sure someone who 'd lost everything wasn 't forgotten . " Her jaw tightened . " And don 't think he didn 't tell me about you encouraging Dr . Bumby to change his mind around on some other things too . To make him less himself and more who you wanted him to be . " Alice rolled her eyes . " You know , he once confided in me that he was half - certain that you sent him down here simply to get rid of him . That you considered him too much of an embarrassment to acknowledge anymore . " " What ? " Mr . Van Dort looked like he 'd been slapped in the face with one of his own fish . " How could he think we 'd abandon our own flesh and blood ? ! " Mrs . Van Dort blinked , then stared at her husband , who just shrugged . " Alice , why don 't you go check on Victor while I continue here , " Dr . Wilson groaned , covering his face with his hand . " Make sure he 's recovered from his fit earlier . " Locating Victor wasn 't difficult - Alice simply went downstairs , rounded the bend in the hall , and there he was , almost nose - to - nose with her ( well , nose - to - collarbone in her case ) . They both started , Victor almost jumping backward to avoid a collision . " Oh ! Hello again . I thought you were lying down . " " I couldn 't , " Victor said , pacing up and down the boards in front of her . Little Origami Ant monks scrambled around his feet , waving sticks of incense and calling for calm . " Not with - not with them in the house . " Victor shot her a dark look . " How could they have done this ? " he demanded , raking his fingers through his hair . " Why did they leave me in the h - hands of that - that monster ? " " Because whatever they think is best is what everyone else has to think is best too , and damn the consequences , " Alice replied . " And to be fair , they didn 't know he was a monster at the time . " She rocked on her heels . " Do you remember anything of your first day here ? " " Mostly Nell - er , Mother - telling Bumby he had carte blanche to do as he would , " Victor muttered , pulling at his tie . He glanced down . " Something about stopping me doing this ? " " They were specifically after Emily 's memory , " Alice said , not wanting him to think the absolute worst of his parents . Just one step up . " They never wanted you to lose it all . " " Which is why Mother came in here and started talking about throwing me on the street , " Victor replied , resuming his pacing . " And calling Emily a ' mad little fantasy . ' How could she say that if the whole village apparently saw me raise the dead ? " " Oh , that just figures . . . . " Victor shook his head . " But still ! To deny something everyone else saw happen , to say I have to lose something I know was precious to me - no wonder I didn 't recognize them , I probably didn 't want to recognize them ! " His fists clenched . " They abandon me here , they tell that bastard he can do with my mind what he will - and then they come storming back like it 's all my fault he - oh , I ought to - " " Ought to come with me and calm down before you do something you 'll regret later , " Alice said , wrapping an arm firmly around his waist and steering him back into his room . The Origami Ants scattered to avoid getting stepped on . " People don 't tend to look kindly on those who attack their own flesh and blood . " " They don 't feel like my flesh and blood , " Victor muttered . He smacked one hand into the other . " Thanks to them , I don 't have my art , I don 't have my music - maybe they wanted to get rid of those as well . God knows what they think is appropriate for a ' gentleman . ' " Victor cooled slightly . " Sorry . I don 't - I 'm just riled up , " he muttered . " I 'd be fine with just a solid punch in the teeth . " His knuckles whitened . " The world would be a better place if Nell Van Dort couldn 't talk for a good few months . " The anger shot out of Victor 's face , shooed away by terror . " You - do you r - really - oh , they would , wouldn 't they ? " he answered himself , shivering . " They left me here , after all . . . and - and there 's - s - something about - cold baths ? And toast ? I - ah ! " " Why not ? I 've slugged my pillow a time or two when I was frustrated . That little ' pomf ! ' as it deflates is quite satisfying . " She gave the cushion one final shake , propped it up on the bed , then extended her arm in invitation . " Go on , put those fists to work . You 'll feel better and avoid getting in trouble . " Victor pressed his lips together , then nodded . " All right . " He cracked his knuckles and turned toward his target , scowling . " You - how dare you leave me in this place , " he snarled . " How dare you insist I forget someone so important to me . How dare you tell him that it 's perfectly fine if he messes up my head . How dare you come back now and act as if I 'm the problem ! You - you rotten , horrible , low - life excuses for - " His fist reared back , then shot forward with all his might . " You 'll pay for sending me here ! " The world filled with white fluff . Alice waved her hand in front of her face , wondering what silly Mock Sparrow had chosen this moment to molt . Oh for - not now , Wonder - " Achoo ! " She froze as the feather continued its downward spiral , tickling her fingers . Another clung to her apron , as if it was frightened of drifting all the way to the floor , and a third landed lightly on her shoe . " What th - they 're real ? " she blurted . " Pop ? " Alice followed his gaze . Sure enough , her friend had managed to hit the pillow with enough force to burst its ( admittedly worn ) stitching . " Bloody hell , no wonder you were able to put down Jack Splatter that one time . " June appeared in the doorway . She stood frozen for a moment , taking in the busted pillow , the rain of feathers , and the rather disheveled pair in the middle of it all . Then her lips began to twitch upward . " What - what did you - " she started , pressing her hands against her mouth to hide a burgeoning case of the giggles . " Victor was thinking of a new career in boxing , " Alice said , unable to help her own grin . " Of course , he needs a stage name . What do you think of Master Van Dort , Slayer of Bedroom Accoutrements ? " That broke not only June 's composure , but Victor 's as well - and the sight of them laughing like hyenas destroyed whatever dignity she had left while covered in feathers . Snickers , guffaws , and snorts filled the air as they struggled to get a hold of themselves . " Oh - oh dear , " Victor finally said , clutching his middle as he gasped for breath . " Slayer of Bedroom - I don 't that would be a position that paid very well , Alice . " " Amusing , but as June and I would be responsible for the mess , I must ask you not to test that theory . " Alice gave her head a good shake , sending down swirling toward the floor . " Did you hear any of the fireworks before , June ? I thought for sure he was going to leap on his parents like a lion after a pair of wildebeests . " " You shouldn 't have bothered - some cold slush down their backs would have served them right , " Victor muttered , before his face softened . " I 'm sorry if I scared any of you . It 's just - when I remembered Ne - Moth - Nell telling Bumby to do as he would , I - " His hands opened and closed . " I c - couldn 't control myself . " " No , you couldn 't , could you ? " Alice said thoughtfully , leaning her head to one side . " Not that I blame you , but . . . before , when the topic of your parents came up , you 'd complain a little , then let it go . I could never picture you full - on lunging at them if you saw them again . Even Bumby couldn 't get you riled up for more than an afternoon . That wall may be keeping your memories back , but it seems to be letting your anger run free . " Victor 's hands immediately went for his tie . " I - um - well - there 's m - more for me to be angry about , isn 't there ? " he said , eyes darting all over the room . " I - I 'm sorry , I don 't mean - " " No , don 't apologize , " Alice interrupted . " I think it 's a good thing . A lot of people treated you like a doormat before , particularly your parents . Now they should think twice before treading all over you . You probably held in a lot more than was healthy . " " That 's not what I 've heard from the children , " June said , raising an eyebrow . " They told me that when he brought Mr . Bunny back to the house , he , Jack Splatter , and Dr . Bumby got in a fight , and he called them some truly awful names . Not to mention all the tales of him beating up and setting cats on that horrible pimp . . . and dueling someone with a fork ? " " Victoria can tell you more about that one - it 's quite the amusing story , " Alice grinned , before turning thoughtful again . " But that does make it sound like it 's been going on longer than I thought . . . maybe my wandering off into Wonderland was the real start . God knows I was plenty frustrated with myself - I certainly wouldn 't blame you for being the same , Victor . " " Or maybe it 's - it 's Bumby , " Victor mumbled , eyes on his feet . " A surprise left b - behind in case anyone tried to free me . Making me - v - vicious . " " I severely doubt that , " Alice reassured him , touching his arm . " You would have attacked me in Moorgate if that was the case , not him . I 've never known you to direct your anger at someone who didn 't deserve it . And even then , a good three - quarters of the time you felt guilty straight afterward . You were probably due an explosion or two . " She swiped some feathers off her sleeve . " Just make sure you keep them contained to pillow popping . " " Even with your memories hidden away , I don 't think that 's possible . " She smirked . " If it makes you feel better , even at your worst , you 'll probably never be as vicious as me . " Alice blinked . " I - think I 've got an idea , but we 'll explore it properly later . " She picked up the empty pillow case . " Let 's revive this poor desiccated shell . Otherwise you 're not going to have anything to sleep on tonight . " They 'd just scooped up the last bits of down from the far corner of the room when there was a knock at the door . " Excuse me - er , what are you doing ? " Dr . Wilson asked , blinking at the scene . " I believe I 've convinced them into an apology . I don 't know what sort it 'll be , but - for what it 's worth , they do seem genuinely shaken by the - indignities you suffered here , let 's say . " He sighed . " And they are your parents . You should make some effort to reconcile . " Victor twiddled a feather between his fingers . " I guess I owe them an apology too , " he admitted . " For , ah , nearly attacking them . . . and if they 're able to bring anything back . . . . " He looked over at Alice . " Could you come with me ? " " Of course , " Alice agreed . " But Victor - if you really don 't want to see them , don 't feel obligated . Family is important , but they haven 't acted much like one lately . " Victor twirled his feather , then stuffed it into the pillow . " No , I 'll see them , " he said . " They are another link to my past . And if they 're truly sorry . . . . " He brushed himself off . " Where are they ? " The Van Dorts were standing by the piano , murmuring to each other as they entered . Mr . Van Dort noticed them first . " Bet you 've been getting on well with this , " he said with an awkward smile , running his fingers along the keys . " Compose anything new lately ? " Victor took a deep breath . " I would if I could remember how , " he replied , making his father 's cheer waver . " Didn 't Dr . Wilson and Alice explain ? " " Yes , but - I didn 't think you 'd ever forget the piano ! " Mr . Van Dort said , eyes wide . " Goodness , Victor , you adore these things ! " Victor gave him a pained grin . " That I do remember . " He ran his fingers through his hair as Alice stood at his elbow , eyeing the Van Dorts as if she was a hyena and they two juicy bones . " I - I 'm sorry for - earlier . For my b - behavior . What came back . . . it was horrible and infuriating and I c - can 't believe you actually said it . But that 's no reason to try and - well . " His fingers found his tie once more , pulling and twisting as was his way . " I 'm sorry . " " Emily , Nell - Mother , " Victor corrected himself . " Her name 's Emily . It 's one of the few things about her I have left - and frankly , I 'd consider it a sign you really were sorry if you used it ! " Mrs . Van Dort harrumphed . " Emily , then , " Mr . Van Dort said , though his face resembled that of a man who 'd just taken an unexpected bite out of a lemon . " Look , you were moping about , not doing anything with yourself , and we just wanted you to move on ! To meet another girl and make a respectable marriage ! To step into my shoes and start on your career ! To - to stop acting like dead company was better than live ! " Victor pinched his nose . " I see . . . I 'm sorry for scaring you like that too , then , " he murmured . " Even if I don 't remember it . I promise , though , if all t - this hasn 't made me want to - um - d - depart , let 's say ? - I don 't think anything else will . " " No , I don 't - but I will , " Victor told her , crossing his arms and standing up a little straighter . " And I don 't want to hear a single word more about how I shouldn 't . My memories are mine and mine alone , and you don 't get to control them . I won 't go through this again . " The Van Dorts were getting quite good at shocked staring , Alice noted . " Where this stubborn streak came from I 'll never understand , " Mrs . Van Dort finally said , fanning herself slowly . " You were never like this before the - incident . " Mrs . Van Dort scowled at him . " Don 't you - you can 't believe this is what we wanted , " she added , voice suddenly strained . " I never - for God 's sake , Victor , do you really think we 'd let some bloke take you and - I don 't even want to say it . " " Please don 't , " Victor whispered , shuddering . Alice touched his arm to steady him . " I still have - e - episodes . I wouldn 't want you to see . " Hatter , March , and Dormy , seated at the nearby table , broke into a chorus of guffaws . Alice clamped her lips shut , lest she join them . Victor examined his shoes . " I - I don 't want to , " he said at last . Then , looking up with sharp eyes , he continue , " But it 's hard when my only real memory of you is Mother saying it would be a miracle if he could make me more of a ' society boy . ' " " Yes - how do you expect to get along in life without being able to mingle ? " Mrs . Van Dort agreed . " You need to be able to impress people ! To actually talk to them instead of just stutter in their direction ! And to stop being so clumsy ! " She flicked her fan back open . " Look , why don 't we just take you home , get you a proper psychiatrist , and - " " Dr . Wilson is a proper psychiatrist , " Alice snapped , earning herself a few strange looks from the tea party set . He 's close enough for these purposes ! " He treated me ! " " That is the woman who is responsible for you having anything resembling a son back , " Victor snarled , hands bunching into fists again . Mrs . Van Dort smartly took a step back . " You will treat her with respect . " " We 're just saying that having your own room and things back around you would surely be better than lollygagging here , " Mr . Van Dort said , trying to pull the conversation back on track . " You never liked it in London , did you ? It 'll do you a world of good to leave all this nonsense behind . " He plastered on another smile . " What do you say , son ? Want to go home ? " Victor looked at him , then turned to Alice . Alice stared back , suddenly feeling rather like the cut - in - half man he 'd mentioned meeting Downstairs . Mr . Van Dort does have a point , her more logical side confessed . Going back to the place he grew up , being surrounded by familiar faces , able to sleep in his own bed - isn 't that exactly what he needs ? Dr . Wilson 's nice enough , but even he admits he wasn 't able to do much for you - he might not have any success with Victor either . And how likely is it that they 'd find someone worse than Dr . Bumby this time around ? He 's always hated living in Whitechapel - I can 't force him to stay in this hellhole . But he 's mine , her more emotional half put in , fighting back tears . Watching him leave after all this - it would be like stomping on my own heart ! And who are they to come in like saviors after all this time ? He may not like Whitechapel , but it 's what he knows right now . Dragging him away on a hopeful whim , back to a village that hates him , far away from the people who care about him - he 'd be a wreck ! And if his mother found out about him following orders . . . they abandoned him here . They weren 't the ones who cut him free of the Dollmaker . Who pulled him out of the darkness in Moorgate . Who risks her reputation night after night so he can actually get some sleep - though that 's for the benefit of both of us , I admit . Her jaw clenched . Lickspittles and swells - they don 't deserve to have him back ! Alice sighed , shoulders slumping . Right - this wasn 't her decision . She had to let Victor walk his own path . No being his crutch - or using him as hers , come to think of it . " Whatever you think is best , " she said . " If you want to go home - go . " Those lovely dark brown eyes looked deep into hers for a long moment . Then his hands wrapped around hers , lifting them to his chest . " I am home . " Brilliant flowers in every color of the rainbow burst out of the walls and floor , filling the air with a sweet perfume . Alice did her best not to titter like a moron . How did he manage to be so sweet even without half his mind ? " What ? No , Victor , we never lived in London , " Mr . Van Dort said , his concerned tone spoiling the mood a bit . Alice frowned at him - didn 't he recognize romance when he heard it ? Her eyes shifted left to his sour - faced wife . Then again . . . . " What ? Bring a known lunatic back to Burtonsville and let her live in our house ? " Mrs . Van Dort gasped , clutching a dramatic hand to her expansive breast . " The crier would have us roasted on a spit before the day was out ! It 's bad enough Pastor Galswells thinks you 're in league with the devil himself - you want to add that scandal to our troubles ? " Victor 's face hardened . " Then I guess it 's best for everyone if I stay here , isn 't it ? I wouldn 't want to make your lives any harder . " " He 'd make your life harder too , " Mr . Van Dort said , fiddling with the top of his cane . " Man simply hasn 't been the same since you met that - Emily . People are worrying , frankly . He seems ready to preach himself into an early grave . " Victor shook his head . " I appreciate the offer , I do , but I 'm comfortable here . It 's not the best place in the world , but - I have everything I need . " " You 'd have all the same in Burtonsville ! " Mrs . Van Dort protested . " Better , in fact ! Including a better doctor than that Wilson ! " Victor hit her with a steely glare . " Do excuse me , but you thought Bumby was a better doctor . I don 't want to see what your next attempt is . " He swallowed and looked away again . " Besides , i - it 's hard enough trusting Dr . Wilson on the - b - bad days . " " But - what about all your old friends ? " Mr . Van Dort asked . Alice decided he deserved some sort of award for telling such a bold - faced lie with such a straight face . " She - ah - is very nice , " Victor said , rubbing the back of his head . " She stops by regularly for lunch to help me remember . She tells me what it was like growing up in Burtonsville - and we talk quite a bit about Emily . " He smirked . " If my former fiancee is all right with me remembering her . . . . " " But - what help could she be ? " Mr . Van Dort asked , face twisted up in confusion . " You only knew each other for an afternoon ! " " Us ! " Mrs . Van Dort replied , slapping her fan against her leg . " We arranged things , and you met at the rehearsal ! We didn 't expect you to be that horrible at learning your lines ! " " You see ? That 's why you need us , " Mrs . Van Dort said triumphantly . " How are you going to learn anything about yourself without your parents ? " " Day trip ? ! Victor , you know we live out in - " Mrs . Van Dort stopped , then flipped her fan closed . " Oh , fine , we 'll play your game . Not like we can just run off and pretend it never happened - don 't you start , " she added , seeing the beginnings of a sarcastic comment in Alice 's eyes . " We just need to find proper accommodations . " " Brava , brava ! What a performance ! " Carpenter cheered , clapping wildly ( and making a startled Dormy drop his spoon ) . " I should negociticulate you all a contract for my theater ! " " I know what 'll do the trick - a trip down to the docks ! " Mr . Van Dort declared , sporting his first genuine smile of the day . " The salt air , the splashing waves , the boats bringing in the day 's catch - how could that not stir up something ? " Victor went green . " Oh , it would indeed - my stomach , " he said , rubbing his belly . " My apologies , but - well , June made fish last night , and I couldn 't bring myself to eat more than a few bites ! Just the smell of it - I may not remember why , but I 'm certain I loathe fish ! " Alice hastily turned her snort at Mr . Van Dort 's stunned expression into a throat - clearing . " Ah - I 'm afraid you 're in a bit of a pickle then , " she informed her friend . " Your father there owns and runs the most successful cannery in England . In fact , June made sure that 's where our salmon yesterday came from . Solidarity , I suppose . " Victor stared at her , then at his father , searching for the joke and finding none . " But - I - if that 's the case , shouldn 't I - wait . " He rubbed his temple contemplatively . " I think . . . d - did we have a lot ? " " So you told me , " Alice confirmed . " You can still take him down to the docks if you like , Mr . Van Dort . I don 't see the harm , and any memory restored is a good thing . Not all of them have to be pleasant . " " We 'll discuss it later - we have to see if the Langham has any rooms open , " Mrs . Van Dort said , taking her husband 's unresisting arm . She frowned deeply at Alice . " But you 'll be seeing us again soon . I hope that meets with your approval . " " Well , better to tell him now , when he can blame it on the amnesia instead of you , right ? " Alice said , hoping to cheer him up . " And besides , you don 't have to want to eat the stuff to pack it into cans . Not that you were ever that enthusiastic about the prospect . " Alice patted his arm . " I 'm sure she didn 't mean anything by it . She just wants to help you remember . Just like the rest of us . " She nodded at the door . " Including them , I promise . " " Right . . . . " Victor sighed as he watched the carriage depart through the window . " I 'm still having a hard time believing we 're related . I mean , I can see Will - Father and I look somewhat alike , but . . . it 's scary how - disconnected I feel from them . " " I see . Maybe later , " Victor replied , rubbing his forehead . " It 's a lot to take in for one day . To think now they wanted to bring me back . . . . " " That 's just how life works , " Alice said , shaking her head . " And I 'm perfectly willing to turn them away if you never want to see them again . It would be absolutely no trouble . " " No , I should give them a chance , " Victor said . Alice pushed down a faint pang of disappointment . " Like you said , not all of my memories are going to be pleasant - but I want them back nonetheless . " He gave her a little smirk . " I think I can stop myself trying to strangle them again . " " Wait until you 've got your mind back to make that promise , " Alice teased . More seriously , she added , " Can I get you anything ? A biscuit , perhaps ? I know I could use something sweet after enduring so much time with your mother . " |
Happy Birthday Mom ! 24 years ago today my mom had me on her birthday . It 's always been so awesome to be able to share my birthday with my mom . Not everyone can say that . Well , it was a pretty uneventful weekend . To start off ran the 5K at Osborn Park . Let 's just say Humidity + Packed Gravel = poor running conditions . It was one of the worst runs to date . The only thing that makes me feel better is that it was also a bad run for David . He ended up running with an older guy while I trudged on with a few of the other elders . It was so humid that by the end of the run we were soaked from head to toe and it wasn 't even raining . Nasty , Nasty . Can we say , Welcome to New Orleans ? A little bit warmer and that 's what it would 've been like . I 'm crossing my fingers for better conditions for OROC . David was on call this weekend . He didn 't sit down for but a minute and the pager would go off . As I write he 's on a call right now . Should be heading home soon though . We just think to ourselves , cha ching , money in the bank . But it 's hard to have an enjoyable weekend with a pager constantly going off . I also feel very guilty that I had Friday off and he has had to continue working through the weekend . That leads me to my next topic . Mom and I booked a flight for Florida tonight . Talk about feeling guilty . . . but David was okay with it . Not to mention within the past week he 's purchased several sporting event tickets . It all washes out in the wash . And thank God for overtime . It gives me anxiety spending money , knowing that in just a few months we have to finalize our trip to Hawaii , but I continue to tell myself , " you only live once . " and just to keep saving . That 's why you save money , so you can use it . Back to the flight . Just like last year , we 're going to Florida to visit family over Labor Day weekend . A short trip but my mind and body appreciate it . Just a short moment to get away . Enough of a break to know that I can make it ' til our big trip at the beginning of December . As usual , time flies by and I can 't believe that Labor Day is just around the corner . Shoot , my birthday 's just around the corner . How old am I going to be ? I guess you know when you start to get older when you have to actually tPosted by Today was my late day to go into work . Fridays are also rest days in the training schedule . Those two things combined mean that I get to " sleep in " and get things done around the house . I set my alarm for 7 : 30am . I set my alarm this early because for some reason my body wants to sleep past my alarm time . This is something new for me , because I 'm one of those people that hops up immediately when my alarm goes off . Fridays I set it as a warning alarm . It wakes me and then I lightly sleep for another 1 / 2 to 1 hour . Well , today my body must have really needed sleep because I slept until 9am . Yes , this is late for me , and it felt good . Bubba cuddled up with me , with the fan blowing cool air on my face . Ahh , heaven . After awaking , I cleaned the bathrooms and started to get ready for work . As I was about to head out the door to get to the post office before going to work , I got a call from work saying , " we don 't have anything going on until 4 , so you don 't need to come in until later . " Sweet . Fine with me . Off to my final exam I go . I got that finished , which means I 'm done with my summer semester . Yay ! I then made something small for lunch and the phone rang . Again , it was work , " come to think of it we really don 't need you today at all . . . . pretty easy appointments and nothing much going on . " I 'll take it . An early birthday present for me . And considering how the dates / next paycheck fall I 'll have a butt load of overtime , I 'm not worried about missing a few hours . I finally headed to the post office and got John 's packages mailed out . And for the first time ever I had a good experience at the post office . Not that I 've ever had a bad experience , but it 's not fun either . You know . . . you stand there , holding all your items , as the line moves so slowly . Well , there I am , standing in the line and I hear someone holler down to me and say , " Are your boxes heavy ? Would you live to switch me places in line ? " I look over to see an older woman . She was willing not to let me in front of her but to totally switch places in line . I polPosted by David and I had a " night out " tonight . Nothing big . It 's my early day for work so I get off at 5 pm , meaning there 's actually time to do something after work . So , as usual we took advantage of it . This week we decided to venture out and go over the CP Fridays for something different . Of course after we were sat we ended up seeing Cassie 's sister who 's commuting weekly between Columbus and here for the summer . She was quite busy so we quickly said hello as we were leaving . Come to find out we wouldn 't have been able to have her as our waitress anyway since she was doing all large parties . Ah well , next time we 'll have to check before being seated . After that we had a little treat at Cold Stone and then stopped by Target just to be Target bums . Hey , I know we 're not the only ones that go to Target just to walk around and look at things . Since Old Navy is right next door we took a jaunt over there . I must say that I 'm no longer a huge fan of Old Navy . I know I 've already blogged about it in the past , so I won 't go into a rant or anything , but David is still a fan of their jeans . Remember how we got him jean shorts , what was it , last month ? Well , they 're already too big . Geez . They 're still usable , but it 's not the time to be looking for jean shorts at Old Navy . Yes , they have end of the season sales but their jeans / shorts are always way overpicked by this point . So what can we do ? Dunno at this point . He may just be living in running shorts during our time in Hawaii . So instead of focusing on the shorts we decided to look at the jeans . He 's got this stigma about the size 36 . The last time he was a 36 was after boot camp . Actually , right out of boot camp I think he was a 34 but he was still pretty emaciated at that point . Going back to the 36 . . . . he keeps saying , " No , they 'll be too tight . . . . " but he says this as his 38 's are falling down . By the way he has no butt to hold anything up . I know , TMI , but I had to throw that in there . Tonight I finally convinced him to try on 36 's . And voila ! They fit . Surprise , surprise . Posted by Just checked out my school site . Looks as though I 'm on my way to officially ending this semester . My video grade was posted . I got a 91 % . Not too bad considering the class average is 83 % . But you know me . . . I 'd be a heck of a lot happier if that was a 98 % . I hate being a perfectionist . I must repeat to myself . . . . . " it 's done and over with . . . . be happy with that . " 2 of 3 final exams are posted . As I read that I could feel my anxiety kick in . There 's not anything to be anxious about though other than just getting them done . Luckily my program allows for multiple retakes of exams . They are not open book exams but if you retake them you get most of the same questions repeated . And considering I print out every exam that I take , so that I can study for the future . . . . . well , you put two and two together . Hey , they recommend printing them out . . . that wasn 't even my idea . I 'm not exactly sure of what to expect with the exams . Considering 2 of 3 were short answer / essay form for midterms , I 'm not really looking forward to the finals . Thinking about next semester , I think I 've decided on General Hospital and Clinic Information , Animal Nursing , and Laboratory Procedures . We 'll just have to see . It 's 8 pm . I sit here looking at the screen not really knowing what to do . In my opinion it 's too late to start an exam . Ah , what the heck , I 'll take one . . . . . . Sunday night . Time to catch up with the blog . David got home at a good time on Friday . I came home to find him playing the new NCAA game for his XBox . Not a big surprise . It was his anniversary gift , but he had to patiently wait for it to come out , which was after our anniversary . In addition , he was out of town on business again so he waited until he got home to pick it up . So after he finished a mini - game we went to dinner and then to Walmart . Why is Walmart so popular of Friday nights ? Of all places that 'd be busy , I 'd choose Walmart last . They 're starting to take after New Orleans . I swear it was THE hangout down there . And don 't expect to get through the checkout lines in less than a half hour . I 'm not kidding . This among other things actually helped me with my anxiety . It helps you slow down and enjoy what was around you . Trust me , you had nothing else to do , and it was pointless to get worked up . Just chill and observe . Okay , so we were at Walmart getting groceries and I started to pick things up for a care package for John . After that we stopped at Woody and Bo 's . This is a newer store in one the Hoty plazas . This one being the one across from the Outback plaza . We didn 't know what to expect but were actually pretty impressed by what they carried and also their prices . Not too bad . The main point was to find something Michigan for John 's care package . Yes , I can hear my fellow Buckeye fans calling us sacrilegious . Give me a break . It 's for a good cause . And we still got something Ohio State . Trust me , I was kind of scared to walk in and ask for something Michigan . I was waiting for God to strike down or something . But , it didn 't happen . Whew ! As you know Saturdays are our long run days . This week was a 5 miler , the longest distance thus far . We woke up at a decent time and tried to do the eating before running thing . Our food of choice was plain oatmeal with a small bit of strawberry syrup . We waited an hour then took off . Neither of us had problems stomaching the oatmeal . No cramps , no nothing . Sweet . AndPosted by For the past month we 're had a toilet paper bandit present in our house . It never fails . After coming home from a run I walk upstairs to take a shower and find toilet paper pulled off the roll and shreaded to pieces . I always think , " I should take a picture of this . " or " I gotta post this on the blog . " but am always too tired to walk downstairs to get the camera or totally forget about it . Well , today was a good run and when I came home to find the toilet paper strewn about again , I had to take a picture . . . . This isn 't even bad to what I 've seen before . Sometimes it goes all the way into the hallway . Now , I think I have it figured out who 's doing it . Actually , I knew from the start who was doing it . Considering the fact that Viking has loved eating paper since he was a pup doesn 't surprise me that he 's taken to getting into the toilet paper . His white poop ( yah , I know . . . gross ) also rats him out . I 'd just like to know what 's going through his mind . Like I said , he has a history of eating toilet paper ( that 's why we have all covered trash cans ) , but this is only happening when we go out for runs . I 'm thinking he 's throwing a doggie temper tantrum and in his head saying , " Mom , you suck . Why don 't you take me ? " I know , I know . He 's probably not thinking this at all and just wants to get some kicks by throwing some toilet paper around . If only I could rig a camera . . . . . Ahh . . nice to sit down and chill . It was just a rough day in general . Running went well this morning but I had another dizzy spell . The weird thing is it happens after I 'm done running , after my shower , and it 's not on a daily basis . I 'm trying to piece it all together and am documenting it with my running log . What I 'm eating the night before , the weather , etc . I 'm just wondering if it 's too hot in the bathroom . I can 't make it any cooler though . My water is on the cold side , not warm at all , and I have the fan on . With no central air , that 's all I can do . And I 'm even giving myself time to chill before taking a shower . I get home , grab some gatorade , and allow the dogs to run around the backyard while I take it easy . I drink in moderation so it 's not like I 'm chugging anything down . The feeling is hard to explain . I get real hot , dizzy where I just want to lay on the ground , nauseous to the point of wanting to vomit , and also feeling like I need to defecate . All at the same time . I give myself time to recoup which takes 10 - 15 minutes . I then am able to make it downstairs and once I drink a slimfast shake I 'm back to normal . Another issue I 've been having recently is feeling nauseous anytime I eat . Mom thinks it 's heartburn , but I gotta say I disagree , because it doesn 't feel like heartburn . I just think it 's another way of my body telling me , " you can 't eat junk anymore . " Garbage in , garbage out . But I 'm not eating junk for every meal . I guess the only thing that gives me reassurance is that David is having the same problem , so once again it makes me think that our bodies are just trying to re - align themselves . And lastly , I 've been so hot the past week and a half . If you know me , this is so unlike me . I 'm always cold . But I find that I 'm just burning up . I know what people are thinking now . . . " you 're pregnant . " Sorry guys , that 's not the answer to my issues . Just another one of many body changes I 'll go through throughout my life . . . . maybe ? As for the rest of my rough day , all I gotta say is work . My boss isn 't thePosted by At the end of June our elderly neighbors moved out of the house next door that they had been renting for 10 + years . We knew it was coming but didn 't want to think about it , because it 'd give us something to worry about . You just never know who your next neighbor is going to be and what they 'll bring with them . Like I said , the previous renters were older and didn 't cause any problems . In addition , they were very pleasant anytime we would see them . We were sad to see them go . The " For Rent " sign went up right after they moved and almost immediately came down . Within the past week we 've noticed someone 's been coming and going and looks like they 're living there . There 's a wall unit A / C and I could hear the tv while mowing the weeds . We were thinking , " Whew , no animals and no kids . . . looks like a good neighbor . " Then this morning came . Before going any further let me explain . . . . . I know you 're all going to think that we 're selfish , and I guess when it comes to this , we are . But for good reason and past experiences . For instance , when we lived in Michigan the house next door was always up for sale , then all the sudden a family moved in to rent the place . They were very pleasant and the kids were great . . . . all 4 of them . Then they also had a dog . As a puppy she was also nice . But as time went on she became quite annoying . Anytime you 'd come and go , here she 'd come barking and running out the back door and not leave you be until you were inside . It got to the point where she was becoming aggressive . I never understood how she got outside . I know there was no doggie door . They must have left the back door open constantly . So basically what it came down to was us unable to use our backyard . Straight up our dogs don 't do well with dogs on the other side of the fence and Viking doesn 't do well with kids . Kids want to run , Viking wants to run after them , kid screams , Viking barks . . . . you get the picture . He 's not mean it 's just not a fun situation to be around . So us having the ability to have a backyard that we can use has beenPosted by This was a great weekend . A well - needed weekend . David and I not only got to spend some time with each other but also with both sets of ' rents . On Saturday we went for a run in the early morning then went to Beachwood with my ' rents . Of course we ate lunch at PF Changs . Yum . Then went to Nordstroms at Beachwood Place . My lady that I 've had fit me was working ( yay ! ) The process for being fit went a lot faster than the previous time . I guess that 's what happens when they only have one bra in your size . No folks , they have a HUGE selection , it 's just that I have the weirdest size . . . basically non - existent . But I walked out with 2 bras and I was a happy camper . David wasn 't so thrilled since I spent so much , but considering I don 't have any other options , he 's good to go . And he knows if he wants a happy wife , he 's got no other option than to let me purchase them . But you know him . Easy going . " Whatever you want . . . " I wish I was more like him . After that we went over to Legacy Village . We had hoped to get Dad 's cellphone fixed but found that they didn 't do repairs . Bummer . I get more and more disappointed with Sprint . The thing is we 've never been able to reach the end of our contract . . . phones always break or something goes wrong , meaning you have to sign a new contract , also meaning you cannot switch providers . I would LOVE to get a new phone since no one can hear me on mine , but I 'm trying my hardest to keep it and try to make it another year . David 's contract ends in January , mine ends in June . I 'd like to switch providers at that time , but I think that 's wishful thinking . And I think to myself , " The grass is always greener on the other side . . . " Anyone have another provider that they like and would recommend ? I think they probably all have their flaws but like I said , I 've just become so disappointed with Sprint . I feel their phones are cheap and are only made to last 1 year ( but you have a 2 year contract . . . you figure it out ! ) And their customer service SUCKS . And I 'm not the only one that feels this way . Just recePosted by Just received noticed from my cousin Jacki that her husband John headed to Iraq on Thursday . We knew this was coming , but as with all deployments , it 's never an easy time . Please be sure to keep them in your thoughts and prayers during this time . For updates on what 's going on , check out their blog . . . . John and Jacki . It has arrived . Our 5 Year Wedding Anniversary . I guess we 're no longer newlyweds anymore . Just an old married couple . That 's alright with us though . I received a card from David this morning . He wrote in it , " That was a fast 5 years . Sign me up for the rest of my life = ) . " Too cute . I know it 's " just " 5 years , but in today 's society that can be considered a long time . As with anyone we 're constantly learning new things about eachother and ourselves In addition , our lives are ever - changing . However , if I were to write a book as to how we 've made it this far , and continue to make it another 100 + years , I 'd have to say this . Love and respect each other . When you wake up , greet one another with a hug and a " Good morning . " Before leaving for work say , " Have a good day , I love you . " When you arrive home from work , rise to meet each other , give a hug and ask the genuine question of , " How was your day ? " and listen intently as you partner goes on , whether it 's a complaint or they want you to share in their excitement . Every evening before going to bed pray together . Even if it 's just a , " Thank you Jesus for today . " It 's amazing how those few moments can draw you closer to one another . Do not go to bed angry , even if it calls for a long night . And be sure the last words out of your mouth are , " Good night , I love you . " Posted by I don 't know what I 'm going to write about tonight , but I feel like writing , so here I am . I 'm sure I 'll have something . Today was a crazy day at work with non routine things coming in . " So you 're here for vaccines . . . " And the client says , " Well , my dog 's been vomiting and having diarrhea for the past week . " " Okay , so that changes everything . " I can 't say that we were busy , but we were steady doing things . After work we went over the ' rents to have BLT 's and sweet corn . Yum ! A good way to finish the day . Of course they needed their coffee so we went to the mall after dinner . And you know how I 've been looking for sports bras ? How come when mom enters the situation they all the sudden appear ? Since they 've been home from their trip we 've been able to find 3 , with 2 being racerback . And 2 my mom found at TJMaxx , after I had looked their multiple times . I tell myself they were from a new shipment , but I think I 'm just denying the fact that she 's a maniac when it comes to shopping and finding something . Now , I can find almost anything on the internet , but if you need something from an actual store , just ask my mom . Amazing . Next on the list , something to wear to my cousin Drew 's wedding . Wish us luck . We 'll be looking while out shopping at Nordstroms this weekend . Just a guess that we won 't be getting a dress there though . Does shopping ever end ? Never . Not when you 're constantly changing sizes . I guess that 's a good thing though . I had some weird dreams last night . I know , that 's no big surprise . But right before I woke up I had a Harry Potter dream . It was as though I was in the last book and was seeing everything happen , but the characters were totally different people and the story line didn 't compare to the others in the series . I wish I could tell you what happens in the book , considering some of my dreams almost come as premonitions . . . my mother - in - law calls it discernment . But considering I 'm not a huge fan ( I watch the movies , but don 't read the books ) , I don 't think my dream is accurate . I guess that 's what hapPosted by I 've just completed my video assignment for my class this semester . Yes ! I 'm entirely done . Videotaped , transferred , reviewed . ( All 90 minutes of it ! You try to listen to yourself talk for 90 minutes straight and see if you 're sane . ) All I have to do is stop by UPS and send it on it 's way . Not only will I make my deadline , but it will be early . That 's the way to do it . . . . Heidi style . By the end of tomorrow I 'll hopefully have everything signed for the rest of my workbook too . Meaning all I need to do it scan and email it . Then all that 's left is taking my finals . Hey , not too bad considering it 's only week 8 out of 12 . Good to go . This weekend we did make it up to Crocker Park . We even made it to the Great Northern mall since we were out that way . No Cedar Point though . It was just hot . It would have been uncomfortably hot . At Crocker Park we made our way from Borders to Barnes and Noble . Picked up a couple books then headed over to Dick 's . It was the first official time of us looking at their clothes . Let 's just say we were a bit overwhelmed . It 's awesome that they have so much . . There are certain areas for tennis , running , cardio , etc . At this point , to me , it 's all the same . I know there 's technical differences , but if you can wear it , work out in it , and be comfortable , then it 's fine . But it 's almost like you 're a kid in a candy store . You want this , then your eye 's caught by something else , but then there 's this too . You get what I mean . You know me though , I 'm all about deals , and hate paying full price for anything unless I need it or really , really want it . There was a sale going on , but didn 't find anything on those racks . As for the rest of the clothes , even though there was a lot of cool things I 'm already looking for winter / cold gear . It 's not that I want the warm weather to go away though . At this point I think I have enough warm weather items , that I 'm good to go . I 'm just trying to find something here or there so it 's not a big whammy to get it all at once . But at this point there 's not much cold weather gear to be found . My trek also continued in finding a sports bra . Nadah . Tried a few on but they were so so . . . not enough to spend $ 30 on at least . When we were at the Great Northern Mall I figured I 'd stop at Dillards to see if I 'd have any luck there . They had a big sale going on for " normal " bras . I grabbed a few and figured I 'd let someone fit me . Yeah , that was a hoot . Needless to say it 's not like going to Nordstrom . Basically she told me everything I already know . . . . I actually need a size 30 , not 32 but you can 't find those . . . and that I 'm either a C or D at this point . Yah . I continued on by myself and had no luck . I wPosted by Aunt Tonya shared these pictures with me and I just had to share them with you all . She made a Snickers Groom 's Cake . I LOVE Snickers and couldn 't imagine having a Snickers bar this big , but it wouldn 't matter because it is ALL Aunt Tonya cake , and that beats a Snickers any day . She is amazing and never ceases to amaze me . I 'm tellin ' ya . If you 've never tried her cakes you 're missing out . Not only are they awesome and beautiful they are the best tasting things ever . Heaven on Earth . Ya 'll know from a previous post that I 've been wearing a wristband for my whole positive thoughts and self awareness thing . The wristband was nothing special . As with many people I have a stash of the rubber band - like wristband and I chose one that wasn 't all that bright and went from there . It had " Hope " on it and I believe it was from Relay For Life a few years back or something . Dunno , my mom gave it to me . Well , I 've lost it . On Friday night I went to take off my watch and bracelet and it was gone . Then I started to do the , " Ok , when was the last time I saw it ? " thing . I couldn 't remember other than at work . I checked around the house , in my car , in the arm of my hoodie sweatshirt . No where to be found . So I 've lost Hope . = ( I actually became quite attached to the wristband . I 'm not so " hardcore " into my self awareness bit so much but it is something that I feel I am constantly working on and that wristband was my constant reminder . I 'm figuring when I took some exam gloves off at work it got rolled up into the glove . It 's happened in the past but I noticed it before anything would happen . So I went back to my stash . I was surprised that I really don 't have all that many to choose from . And nothing is really " clicking " with me . I have a few such as " adopt a pet " or " support animal rescue " But I dunno , I really liked the whole simplistic idea of just " hope " I know I 'm weird . Who would put this much thought into this ? ? So as of now I 've settled on my " Music = Life " I got at Hot Topic awhile back . The cool thing about it is that it is smaller than my previous one . Maybe it will stay put more . Some of the wristbands are just so big for my wrist . I 've also done some research and found one for ovarian cancer . Being that it will be our first 5K I thought that it would have a meaning for me . The only thing is I don 't want to pay more for shipping than I do for the actual product . Anyone have cool wristbands out there ? What do they say ? Where 'd you get them ? What do they mean to you ? It 's amazing how one little wristbBananaBuzzbomb Holy crap ! 4 . 5 miles . Can I get a woo woo ? ! Side note 10 : 15am : Just checked the gmap site , and it looks like we mistakenly messed up our route . Whoops ! So we didn 't do the full 4 . 5 , only 4 . Son of a . . . . . Okay , I think this definitely is a sign that we need a Garmin . You try mapping out a route , then remember it while your calves and thighs are killing ya . Add onto that a side cramp . Ah well , we still did 4 which is a personal best for me and I 'm still proud . If you 've read any of my previous posts you know that I have issues with shopping . I know what I want it 's just trying to find it and finding that it fits right . So my latest issue is trying to find sports bras . Now I know most of you are saying , " TMI . . . " but I think the ladies will understand me on this one . I feel that I 've been quite successful in finding appropriate running gear that also fits me well . However I do have several tops that are racerback . Now ya 'll know you can 't wear a normal - shaped bra with a racerback top . And some even have the bra built in , but trust me , there 's not enough support . So here I am looking for sports bras that are not only racerback but that also fit me and are affordable in price . Do you think I can find any ? Nah , of course not . So when did department stores stop carrying sports bras ? And the ones I find at Kohl 's , Target , etc . I feel are ridiculously priced or they don 't have what I need . Then a new dilemma arises . . . . I 'm not entirely sure what size I am anymore . Follow me on this one . I 'm always had problems having bras fit me so David was so gracious as to take me to Nordstrom last year so I could be fitted properly . No wonder why I couldn 't find bras to fit . . . . they fit me as a 32D or DD . Yeah , you could 've fooled me . And try to find that size on a rack in Victoria 's Secret . . . not happening . So I had to splurge and spent $ 60 + each on 2 bras and then ended up picking up another 2 at a later date . Now according to the people at Nordstrom you should replace your bras every few to 6 months . Yeah , at $ 60 + a pop , that 's going to happen . So I still have the ones I got last year but I 've been noticing that they 're not fitting me as well as they were before ? Could it be ? I 'm shrinking ? Can I get a Hallelujah ? ! Well , they say that 's one of the first things to go when you start exercising . But once again , that sends me into a tailspin . Now , not only do I need to find sports bras but also regular ones too . Geez . And in just another month I 'll need to find cold weather running gear . Thank Posted by It 's Friday ! Too bad I have to work tomorrow . Ah well . I was lucky enough to have 1 - 2 months off of not having to work any weekends . Now they 're changing the schedule again . But instead of working every other weekend , like I used to , now I 'll only have to work 1 weekend a month . I guess I can handle that . Still , it 's nice to know that you have every weekend off . And with David not knowing when he 's on call or not it was just easier . I 'm sure as with every weekend we 'll find something to do with the rest of our time to make it enjoyable . Having the holiday in the middle of the week totally messed me up . I swear it felt like Sunday night on Wednesday . I guess the good thing about that was that going into work on Thursday felt like Monday , but it was a short week . Get what I 'm sayin ' ? I got a call about an hour ago saying that I didn 't need to come into work untial 1 : 00pm . Usual I am scheduled at 12noon but I 'm there by 11 : 30am . It 's nice to have the morning off but when I get there I tend to just sit around since the middle of our day is catch up time whether it be for callbacks or medical procedures . So I can 't complain that they 're trying to limit my time that I just sit and look at a computer screen . ( Hey , you can only clean so much ) They were going to have me come in even later but they decided I probably didn 't want to do that because of $ . They 're right , but on the other hand I wouldn 't have minded just taking the entire day off and using sick time . Anyone have any big plans for the weekend ? Nothing here as of yet , but you never know with us . We haven 't been to CP for the past week or so , but we 've also been trying to avoid it due to the possibility of running into a big crowd . We 'll have to see . . . . I kind of had one of those depressing , " God , I 'm really an adult now " moments last night . Yesterday was just a bum day . As stated in my previous post the 4th of July just isn 't that same as it used to be . The weird thing is that I believe my patriotism as a person is at one of the highest levels it 's ever been . . . of course it was probably higher when David was in the Marine Corps . Anyway , we did the normal go downtown thing but that was done in about 5 minutes for us and then it was like " what do we do now ? " Having everyone out of town it 's not like we could have a cook out . Now mind you , we could , but that wouldn 't be very fun for just two people . And then the evening came and we debated whether to go to the fireworks . We went last year and it was kind of ho - hum to us . Nothing grandiose . After seeing shows like Red , White , and Boom in Columbus or the Battle Of The Barges in New Orleans , it 's hard to follow . And we 're not the type of people to fight our way through big crowds , so last year we went to the end of our street to lay low , and the view wasn 't that great . Considering that experience and knowing that we had to get up bright and early today we decided to opt out of fireworks and figured we 'd catch them on tv . I thought , " at least we 'll be able to catch the Overture of 1812 . " I had a buzzkill . The New York Macy 's Fireworks started . I thought they were great and this year they had a twist on them being that it was all music from America , but not all American music . No Overture of 1812 . " What ? ! Crap . Quick , change it to channel 12 and we 'll watch the Washington DC fireworks . Man , they 're already done . " I was bummed . Then David had the idea that maybe if we look out our window we could see them . Not so . If trees weren 't present then maybe , but we could hear them if that counted for anything . We were about to head to bed when I noticed the Washington DC Capitol Building show was replaying and noticed it was already nearing the end ( having seen bits and pieces previously in the night ) . So I figured , " They have tPosted by Today is Grandma Maria 's birthday . To spend a little time with her and to celebrate her birthday we took her out to dinner . We attempted to go to Casa Real but they were closed . . . . guess they wanted a vacation too . So we headed out to Chili 's . It was an enjoyable dinner and it was nice to catch up with her . For the first time in a few weeks I had a good night 's sleep . I was beginning to wonder if it 'd ever happen again . It 's a great idea to try to stay hydrated , but not when you have to get up 2 - 3 times a night . Not fun . And I knew we were going to " sleep in " today . It was a good feeling to sleep until 7am . I never thought I 'd say that . We ran our 3 miles this morning . David kicked me into gear as he always does . I should be proud of what I did , and I am , but I did have to take a few walk breaks here and there . I know they 're acceptable , but still . . . . . I just remind myself it 's a step in the right direction . It 's kind of a gloomy day and I 'm not sure if the weather 's going to hold off for fireworks . Having the 4th of July in the middle of the week is so weird to me . I was reminiscing the other day about this time of year . It was tradition for our family to go on vacation the first week of July every year due to my mom being on shutdown from Ford . Some of the best memories come from those vacations . I remember spending the entire day in the pool because it was so hot out , and every year we 'd search out where to go for local fireworks . I 'm definitely jealous of everyone going on their vacations even if they are a little weekend getaway , but I just keep telling myself that the wait is worth it and December is right around the corner . We probably will never go on a summer vacation again because that 's the busiest time for each of our work schedules and believe it or not I 'm actually blocked out from taking vacation during the summer months . But it 's nice to have something to look forward during those dull gloomy winter months . To update you on my schoolwork situation . . . I sent my radiology project out yesterday ( yay ! ) and all the videos that I 've taken are now transferred onto the computer . Next , I have to take one final video and get that onto the computer , burn a cd , and send it . Too bad I can 't just say , " Voila ! " and it be done . I 'll get there . Now , what classes should I take for next semester ? Yes , you read the title correctly . Our house is full of drunken kitties . Let me explain . Recently Jax has taken to a behavior I 'm not too fond of . He 'll come up to you and lay on your lap . He starts making biscuits ( kneading ) which is fine . In the process he has also decided to make little love bites , which is not fine . They don 't hurt so much but a little pinch isn 't always welcome . So I talked to Dr . B and she said maybe it 's because he 's not being stimulated enough and he needs more playtime . I explained that toys are always available and you have to work to get him to play . She then recommended cat nip . Aha ! Every so often we 'll get them some but I 've decided to try and keep our house fully stocked with the goodies to see if this helps . So the cats loved the afternoon , what they can remember of it of course = ) Nothing was planned today . We made a few stops here and there , including MC Sports and Dunhams . I swear I 've spent more time in these stores over the past 2 weeks than I 've spent there in my lifetime . Just pricing things , cross referencing prices , or we 'll forget something . The workers probably think we 're nuts . We each got another pair of shorts this weekend . It 's amazing how fast you go through your clothing items when you 're exercising everyday . I 'm diggin ' my new shorts . They even have the liner inside , kind of like underwear . Weird , but cool . Sooner than we know it we 'll be looking for cold weather gear . Oooh , not looking forward to that . Let 's stay focused on the summer . In speaking with Erika at the wedding I got some helpful hints that were well needed . She recommended Hal Higdon 's , site so I checked it out . It has a wealth of information and David and I have decided to start a new " training schedule " . It 's a marathon training schedule . Now , I can hear ya 'll now , " Why the he * * would you do something like that ? " " You 're setting yourself up for failure . " I hear ya and let me explain . The bottom line is that it 's now a dream of mine to run and finish a marathon . It may be a pipe dream , but it 's a dreaPosted by Yesterday afternoon we took a nice drive down to the Mansfield area for my cousin Gabe 's wedding . It couldn 't have been a more gorgeous day . It was also great to catch up with the rest of the my extended family . Be sure to check out our Flickr account for pictures of all the day 's festivities . Congratulations Gabe and Tera ! May you have many more wonderful years together . |
I am 47 years old ; I am a wife of one , a mother of seven , and a grandmother of four . I enjoy listening to and singing many different styles of Christian music . I enjoy blogging because it helps me relax . Tonight , I have to work at my Janitors job , tomorrow morning I work at my house cleaning job then my motor route and after my motor route I am taking Boaz and Josh to a sleep over at our church . My twins are having their best friends spend the night again . ( Take a breath ) No time to post , so here is a funny from my comedian Mother . Q : How many women with MENOPAUSE ( or PMS ) does it take to change a light bulb ? A : One ! ONLY ONE ! ! ! ! And do you know WHY ? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb ! They don 't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT ! ! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out . And , once they figured it out , they wouldn 't be able to find the # & % ! * light bulbs despite the fact that they 've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS ! But if they did , by some miracle of God , actually find them , 2 DAYS LATER , the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT ! ! ! ! ! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN ! ! ! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE ! ! ! ! IT ' S A WONDER WE HAVEN ' T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE ! ! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE ! AND DON ' T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL ! ! . . . I 'm sorry . What was the question ? My Christmas decorations are almost all up , my laundry is almost all done and I am feeling so much better this morning . Yesterday was a bad day , today will be much brighter . I got up at 4 : 00 a . m . spent time with the Lord , exercised for 40 minutes , cleaned my house put up the rest of my Christmas decoration on my front porch and I am now going to get the kids off to school . I think I am going to survive my long week . : ) This was late last nights writings , It 's only Wednesday and I feel like my week has went on forever . I had Jury duty on Monday ; my goodness what a very long day that ended up being . I was put on a chase involving a hit and run accident that had happen a year ago . The witness gave her testimony ( this was the passenger in the car that hit and killed a woman ) the testimony she gave didn 't match the driver 's testimony . The witness excused herself to go to the restroom and never returned . Finally , at two in the afternoon they said we could go , they had to post pone the trail until they found her . The most interesting thing happened to me while I waited . A gentleman sat down beside me and asked me if I use to work at Key bank years ago . I told him yes , I was a bank teller 20 years ago . The man asked me if I remembered him . I didn 't ! He said he was the bank 's treasurer , the guy I use to harass all the time when I work there . I did recognize him after he told me who he was . Goodness , what a small , small world . He told me I didn 't look a day older than I did 20 years ago . : ) Very charming ! Good thing he was retired or I would have thought he was flirting with me . HEE , HeeAfter I finish up at the court house I had to go and deliver one of my routes . I didn 't get home until after 6 : 00 pm . It was a very long day . Tuesday morning , I worked on laundry all morning . I tried to finish getting my decorations put up as well . I 'm almost done ! I 'll finish up in the morning . I did my route and took my niece a meal last night . I got to see the baby and my other niece and nephew . It was a nice visit . Of course I work my jPosted by I have been pretty busy these last few days . I 'm trying to get all of my decorations up for Christmas . I told myself until all of my laundry is done and all my Christmas decorations are up I can 't blog . Thanks to you all for worrying about some crazy old blogging friend . My Thanksgiving was GREAT ! ! ! ! I had so much fun with my family yesterday . I 'll blog about it when I have time . I have to leave for work . My mom sent me this email yesterday , she is sooooo very funny . I was happy she told me about the letter from my nephew . Hi Lori I know you will want to hear this . I guess you and I are the most alike when it comes to feelings , well looks too , oh gee size too . Okay we are pretty good aren 't we ! Sorry I got carried away . LOL I received a letter from our boy yes Jeremy ! I love to get mail from him . He is upset about Terra and if the baby is born yet , if they are okay . He misses his kids and Terra . He is worried about Christmas and being able to come , he will be able to be out at night if he is working . That is a good thing . Gee can we put him to work on Christmas : o ) You will love to hear this part I was amazed , he can 't wait to get back in church , TO SING the HYMNS . He said he sings loudly AMAZING LOVE HOW CAN IT BE , you know the rest , it is a beautiful song and he is singing it . He said it is stuck in his head . How awesome , how very awesome ! I am so Thankful God has pulled him out of the life he was living , and give him the real reason to live . He always signs it Love your grandson that touches my heart so much . All those Christmas 's I would stop and answer his way out questions about the Bible and Jesus that I know everyone would get upset with me for listening and answering him . Praise the Lord for the little seeds , that went from me , to his Aunt Lori planting many more seeds . And GOD gave the increase . God is so good , I am so Thankful I received that letter today . On the eve of Thanksgiving a miracle of a young man that I just am amazed at how much God has changed and he needs Prayer for strength as he steps out into life again to face the world . I love you my dear daughter . I just had to share ! LoveMOM I have been very busy baking the deserts for tomorrow . I always volunteer to take the deserts . I am not a real baker as some people are but my family always asks for Aunt Lori 's cheese cake . I was very excited to hear that my whole family will be coming to Thanksgiving dinner at my brothers tomorrow . What a grand day it will be ! What I will be taking to Thanksgiving Dinner at my Brother 's and Sister - in - laws . Cheese CakeChocolate cookiesSugar cookiesChocolate piePumpkin pieBanana pieThis is my list unless I think of something else that sounds good when I 'm out at the store this morning . I will be very busy the rest of the day and I am sure I won 't be able to post tomorrow . I just wanted to wish all of you a safe and Happy Thanksgiving . I am Thankful for so many things the list could go on forever . I have posted many posts about that this month . I think the Word sums up what we should be thankful for . 1 Thessalonians 5 : 18 In every thing give thanks : for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning youBTW - Praise God they just called and my truck is done . I have survived just fine with the van this week but I really was worried about having to take it on the route the next two days . This truly will be a great Thanksgiving for me . My niece had a beautiful baby girl . She was born at 9 : 50 AM yesterday . She weighs 7 lbs 9 oz . Mom & Baby are doing well . Her name is Gabrielle Leanne . My niece called this morning at 5 : 00 a . m . her water broke at 2 : 00 a . m . so today is the day I will be a " Great Aunt " again . I am very excited ! A new baby for " Thanksgiving " This sure gives me something else to be Thankful for this today . I am also thankful for my little buddy ( Boaz ) who is so patently waiting to get on the computer this morning . My Step - dad is still not doing very well . My mom emailed and asked me to please keep praying for my dad . I am posting her email . Hi Daughter Hope you are enjoying my funnies and my serious ones as well . Dad still needs Prayer , he is not better ; he has decided to get the biopsy in January . I pray he can enjoy the holidays . His breathing is not good . Hope everyone is fine . I love you ! LoveMom Oh my , have I had a very long weekend ! To make a very long story short , my truck is in the shop for major brake problems . I lost almost all of my brakes early Saturday morning . I am thankful that God was with me , and I had enough brake fluid to make it to the gas station . I am also very thankful that the shop could get my truck in right away and they should have it fixed tomorrow . I had to take our 1993 Aerostar van on the route today , it is old and has very little heat . It is a stick shift ! My old truck was a stick shift but I haven 't had it for a year , it was a very long route but I made it through . I had a person help me yesterday get my children to church for a Youth party , this person had no idea I had such a bad morning . He offered to pick up my kids and bring them to church for me . God works in some awesome ways . I praise God for His many blessing ! I got some great news from my friend who had the surgery last week . " All is well " Praise be to our heavenly Father . I am so excited and happy to hear I will have my friend around for a long time . I want to thank all of my wonderful blogging friends for praying for her . I also was so excited to here that one of my favorite singer 's will be coming to the Palace of Auburn Hills in February for a concert . This friend I keep telling you about introduce Josh Groban to me . We are going to try and get tickets to see his concert . I am soooooo very excited . Living for the simple things in life : My Friend I was asked this question by someone I work with : " What does the Bible say about circumcision ? What is the Christian view of circumcision ? " " Do we have to be circumcised to be saved ? " This is what I believe the Bible to teach on this : Since we are no longer under the Old Testament Law as Christians , circumcision is no longer required . This is brought out in a number of New Testament passages , among which are the following : Acts 15 ; Galatians 2 : 1 - 3 ; 5 : 1 - 11 ; 6 : 11 - 16 ; 1 Corinthians 7 : 17 - 20 ; Colossians 2 : 8 - 12 ; Philippians 3 : 1 - 3 . As these passages bring out , being saved from our sins is received through trusting in Christ to save us from our sins , and it is this act of turning from our sin and self - righteousness and turning instead to reliance upon Christ 's finished work on the cross that makes us " circumcised of heart " and that the works of the flesh accomplish nothing . In Acts 16 : 3 , Paul had a missionary helper , Timothy , circumcised so that his being uncircumcised would not be a hindrance to them as they sought to reach out to the unsaved Jews on their missionary journeys . Thus , although the Bible gives Gentile ( non - Jewish ) believers the liberty of not being circumcised , it was a liberty that Timothy was willing to give up for the sake of reaching out to unsaved Jews . However , as the passages in Galatians bring out , Paul refused to compromise the issue with those who said that one must be circumcised in order to be either saved or sanctified in Christ . There are practical issues involved with circumcision as well . Some parents have their sons circumcised so that they will look like all the other males in their culture . Some parents are concerned that their son would someday be in a locker room and find themselves different from everyone else . In some cultures , though , males are not commonly circumcised . There is also the issue of health . Doctors debate back and forth in regard to whether there are any health benefits to circumcision . SCRIPTURE ABOUT CIRCUMCISIONTHE GOSPELSLuke 1 : 59 - 60 Circumcision of John the Posted by A . A . A . D . D . Recently , I was diagnosed with A . A . A . D . D . - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder This is how it manifests : I decide to wash my car . As I start toward the garage , I notice that there is mail on the hall table . I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car . I lay my car keys down on the table , put the junk mail in the trash can under the table , and notice that the trash can is full . So , I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first . But then I think , since I 'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway , I may as well pay the bills first . I take my checkbook off the table , and see that there is only one check left My extra checks are in my desk in the study , so I go to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking . I 'm going to look for my checks , but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don 't accidentally knock it over . I see that the Coke is getting warm , and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold . As I head toward the kitchen with the coke a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye - - they need to be watered . I set the Coke down on the counter , and I discover my reading glasses that I 've been searching for all morning . I decide I better put them back on my desk , but first I 'm going to water the flowers . I set the glasses back down on the counter , fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote . Someone left it on the kitchen table . I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV , I will be looking for the remote , but I won 't remember that it 's on the kitchen table , so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs , but first I 'll water the flowers . I splash some water on the flowers , but most of it spills on the floor . So , I set the remote back down on the table , get some towels and wipe up the spill . Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do . At the end of the day : the car isn 't washed , the bills aren 't paid , there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the couPosted by I asked my Son BC to send me information on his days in the Navy this is what he sent me . I laughed and cried at his days serving our Country . This is the only picture I could find with B . C . in his uniform . This was taken after he graduated from bootcamp . He is holding one of the twins . This is a picture of my very handsome son B . C . This is a picture of my lovely and beautiful Daughter - in - law Jess . It was very hard for me when my son told me he was going to go into the Navy . I was only 14 when I had B . C . we grew up together . I posted about this a while back . I 'll link to that post . Living for the simple things in life : The next story of my lifeI spent four years in the Navy . I was stationed in Pensacola Florida for School after I went to boot camp in Great Lake Illinois . I was in Pensacola for 6 months and was then sent to serve aboard the USS Detroit . I met up with the ship in Greece and went on to be deployed for six months between the Persian Gulf and the Mediterranean Sea . I missed my family remendously while away on this deployment . Life aboard the Detroit was unlike anything I had ever experienced . After returning from the deployment , I was living in New Jersey as this was the home port for my ship . I met the women who would later become my wife one week after returning from over seas . She was a feisty one ( she is as sweet as can be ) and I did not pay her much attention at first . ( Ya whatever , my son fell head over heels in love the minute he saw Jess , it was Jess who ignored him Hee , Hee ) She was in the Navy as well and I had my own rule not to date Navy girls . She was assigned to the same division as me , and was in my duty section . After a few weeks of getting to know her , I decided to break my rule , I made the right decision . We will be married for 9 years this December and have three wonderful Children . ( They have a very good relationship , I love them both very much ) Back to the Navy , the ship was ported in Philadelphia for 4 months for an overhaul about 2 months after we returned from overseas . I lived Posted by Have you let someone know how thankful you are for them today ? : ) I love Thanksgiving and the Christmas holiday . I love getting together with family that I might only see once a year . It is that time that I get to see all my nieces and nephews , my sister and brothers , my Dad and mom and adopted sisters . It is always loud and crazy but I have to say I love every minute of it . Here are a few things that I am thankful for today . 1 . I am thankful that I have faith in God ; for His sacrifice on the cross for my sins ; for His unselfish act of Love . 2 . I am thankful for my Husband , my children and grandchildren and their good health . ( My children and grandchildren are feeling better ) 3 . I am thankful for my church , were I can go and Worship my Lord and Savior . 4 . I am thankful for all the blessings that I have . 5 . I am thankful for the bounty of food that this earth gives us . 6 . I am thankful for all of the people that I now know through blogging7 . I am thankful for my home , my front porch , were it has a swing that I can sit on to read my Bible and drink my glass of tea . 8 . I am thankful for all the beauty of nature9 . I am thankful for all the good friends that I have . 10 . I am thankful for all the people in the Armed Services that help protect our freedoms . I just wanted to remind myself why we celebrate Thankgiving Day . PilgrimsPilgrim William Brewster holds a Bible as the Pilgrims pray for a safe journey as they leave for America from Delft Haven , Holland , on July 22 , 1620 . The Pilgrims left Plymouth , England , on September 6 , 1620 . Their destination ? The New World . Although filled with uncertainty and peril , it offered both civil and religious liberty . For over two months , the 102 passengers braved the harsh elements of a vast storm - tossed sea . Finally , with firm purpose and a reliance on Divine Providence , the cry of " Land ! " was heard . Arriving in Massachusetts in late November , the Pilgrims sought a suitable landing place . On December 11 , just before disembarking at Plymouth Rock , they signed the " Mayflower Compact " - AmericPosted by This is my Grandfather and Grandmother in May after they got married in 1945 , What an adorable couple . My Grandparents were so good to us kids ; They would take us Up North to there Cabin on the lake every summer until my Grandmother got sick with cancer when I was 11 . She died of Breat Cancer when she was 54 ; I was 13 at the time . My Grandfather died of cancer when he was 73 ; I was 24 . This is my Grandfather ; what a handsome man I think he was . Veterans Day reminded me of my Grandfather and my son . They both served in the Navy , my Grandfather also served in the Marines as well . I am so grateful for all the men and women who serve our Country so we stay a free nation . I asked my mom for some information regarding my Grandfather 's service in the Military . I will post a picture of my son in his military uniform as soon as he sends me some information about his Navy days . He is pretty busy at work right now , it might take a while for him to find time . He was in the Navy , he was a medic , I know that he also served somehow in the Marines too because he was on an island fighting , at one point the planes were shooting and I remember that they shot right up to the tree he was standing under and quit firing . He was in World War II served 1941 till 1945 I think I know he served until the war was over . Grandpa and Grandma got married May 23 , 1945 in San Diego . California when he came into to port . Hope this is what you wanted I really do not know a whole lot more because he never talked about it much . I am sure he saw a lot that hurt to talk about . LoveMom My friend 's surgery went o . k . it took longer than what she expected it to take . They had to go in twice to get what they needed . The Doctor said she would find out by Wednesday of next week if it is Cancerous or not . This is the same friend that took me out for a very special birthday surprise . Living for the simple things in life : The gift of LoveThank you so much for all of your prayers ; please continue to pray for her and her family . Her husband was going through a pretty rough time today . He loves his wife so much and doesn 't like to see her go through this . I got all my cooking done last night for my friend and my family . I put a roast with potatoes and carrots in the roaster for my friend and her family . I also made them brownies for desert . I also made roast and potatoes and carrots for my family . I put it in my crock pots and turned them on before I left this morning at 5 : 30 a . m . I just got home and my kids said it was delicious ; I pray my friend and her family think it was good as well . Tonight I was suppose to take Bo and Josh ( my son and grandson ) to a fun night at their school . My daughter - in - law called me today to tell me Josh came home from school with a fever . Yes , he had the hands , mouth , and foot illness . My granddaughter has a fever as well . I might still take Bo if he wants to go . He was crying when I asked him about it . It was suppose to be something special for Bo and Josh to do together . What can be done if someone is sick ? I told Bo and Josh I would make this up to them by taking them to the movies next weekend . Update on my Step - dad ! Please keep him in your prayers . I also ask for prayer for a friend of mine . She is having surgery tomorrow ; please pray that they do not find cancer . I will be busy today buying the food and cooking them a meal for tomorrow . I took my cleaning job off tomorrow and one of my routes so I could be with her and her family . I will be able to stay with the family until 2 : 00 p . m . tomorrow . I am very happy that I have a good sub for one of my routes . My family is pretty much over the illness that we had , but it has spread to my older son 's family . Jack my 3 year old grandson has been sick for two days ; he was throwing up early Wednesday morning . Today he has a fever and is complaining of a soar throat . I just pray little Jenna doesn 't get it . She is my 8 month old GranddaughterHi LoriDad is better later in the day . Mornings are sometimes rough . One minute he wants to go to the hospital right then he feels so bad and the next minute he is outside blowing leaves . I feel so bad for him . He aches in his back , legs , hips , chest can 't breath and then all the sudden he is better . I don 't know what he is going to do . I just Pray God heals him , sometimes I know God works through Doctor 's or he would not have made them . So I am just Praying for the right decision . He gets depressed , today was one of those and he called Pastor to talk to him about some other things and he shared he feels depressed , Pastor told him it might be his medication . I think that made him feel better . So God knows how to help when we don 't . I have been busy with work , schooling and cleaning house since we were gone a lot of the summer I really am behind . Dad is not much help inside anymore . He does let the dogs out and blow leaves though . ( LOL ) Oh well ! Hey what do you want for Christmas , ask Jim too . How about the boys ? I will look to see what I can find for the older girls , they are easier than boys ( SOMETIMES ) : o ) God Bless you my precious daughter . LoveMom There are so many things to be thankful to God for . I can name so many things in my own life . Today , I wanted to focus my attention on what the Bible tells me I should be thankful to God for . In my quiet time with the Lord today , I wanted to give Him thanks for all of His attributes . " It is good to give thanks to the LORD , And to sing praises to Your name , O Most High ; To declare Your loving kindness in the morning , And Your faithfulness every night , " Psalm 92 : 1 - 2In this verse I find that He is faithful and kind . " Oh , that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness , And for His wonderful works to the children of men ! For He satisfies the longing soul , And fills the hungry soul with goodness . " Psalm 107 : 8 - 9In this verse I find that He is good , and I should be giving thanks for His wonderful works . He satisties my soul , and fills the hungry soul with goodness . " Praise the LORD ! Oh , give thanks to the LORD , for He is good ! For His mercy endures forever . Who can utter the mighty acts of the LORD ? Who can declare all His praise ? " Psalm 106 : 1 - 2 " I will praise God 's name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving . " Psalm 69 : 30There are so many things to be thankful to God for . I can name so many things in my own life . Today I wanted to focus on what the Bible tell us we should be thankful to God for . What should I thank God for ? Here are just a few things I found in God 's word today . For what God did for me in sending His only son to die on the cross . John 3 : 16 - 17 For God so loved the world , that he gave his only begotten Son , that whosoever believeth in him should not perish , but have everlasting life . For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world ; but that the world through Him might be saved . Why does man need Salvation ? ? Mankind is lost spiritually . Sin separates man from God . God is holy and cannot have sin in His presence . God is a loving God and He so wants to have a close relationship with us but sin separates us from God . The Bible tells us that ALL on this earth have sinned and have fallen shPosted by In our Awana group this year we are really wanting the girls to understand at least the first two commandments . Here is a Bible Trivia to go along with that . I 'll post the answers tomorrow . Ten Commandments 1 ) " Thou shalt have no other gods before Me " is which commandment ? 1 . second 2 . first 3 . tenth 4 . fifth2 ) " Thou shalt not commit adultery " is which commandment ? 1 . seventh 2 . fifth 3 . forth 4 . ninth3 ) Which commandment tells us that we should not steal ? 1 . first 2 . seventh 3 . eighth 4 . second4 ) In which commandment are we told not to make any graven images ? 1 . third 2 . forth 3 . tenth 4 . second5 ) We are told not to covet anything that our neighbour 's have in which commandment ? 1 . fourth 2 . tenth 3 . ninth 4 . seventh6 ) " Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour " is which commandment ? 1 . ninth 2 . third 3 . second 4 . sixth7 ) If a person were to say to you " Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain " they would be referring to the _____ commandment ? 1 . first 2 . second 3 . third 4 . fifth8 ) " Honour thy father and thy mother " is which commandment ? 1 . fourth 2 . fifth 3 . seventh 4 . eighth9 ) " Thou shalt not kill " is the _____ commandment . 1 . first 2 . fourth 3 . second 4 . sixth10 ) " Remember the Sabbath day , to keep it holy " is the _____ commandment . 1 . fourth 2 . fifth 3 . third 4 . second11 ) What day is the Sabbath day ? 1 . Saturday 2 . Sunday 3 . Jesus Christ has become our Sabbath 4 . From Friday night at sun down to sun rise Sunday morning12 ) In what book of the Bible will you find the Ten Commandments ? 1 . Genesis 2 . Exodus 3 . Leviticus 4 . Mark13 ) The commandment that states " Thou shalt not kill " is _____ . 1 . a bad translation , the word should be murder and not kill 2 . the proper translation 3 . a bad translation , the word should be smite and not kill 4 . the seventh commandment14 ) When we have troubles in life , we should turn to _____ for help . 1 . latest new age thing 2 . some self help book 3 . an idol 4 . God15 ) Your neighbour 's have everything in life that you ever wanted . What do you do ? 1 . steal it fPosted by Wow ! I don 't know were to start with my weekend . Friday was a busy one , I worked my cleaning job in the morning , the route in the afternoon , and my daughter had her first Mary Kay party Friday evening . I took one of my routes off so I could clean my house and make cookies and brownies for the party . She had 8 women show up ; I thought that was pretty good for her first party . One of the young women signed up to have a party at her house so that was very good for my daughter . My daughter used me as her model ; she made me up so the other ladies could see how to apply their makeup . I don 't want to brag but I loved the makeup she put on me so much I bought it . I told her she has to show me how to apply the makeup the way she did . That just about covers my Friday evening ; except for the fact I had to run the twins to a birthday party before the Mary Kay party started . I made it through the evening with a few hours of sleep before having to start the next day . I left to go to my AA News motor route at 2 : 30 a . m . I returned home around 8 : 15 a . m . just enough time to throw myself together to make it to our Awana Grand Prix by 9 : 00 a . m . check in . The races went great ! I won first place in the Chums / Guard group . I feel a little badly now that they moved my car down , instead of racing in the open division . I am sure one of the girls would have like that first place trophy . Oh well , it didn 't work out that way . Bo won first place in the Pals / Pioneer division better the record in time at our church . His car ran a 3 . 35 , my car ran a 3 . 42 . Bo won over all for bragging rights . I already blogged about the National Anthem , what I didn 't post was me humming my started note until it was my turn to sing . People were talking to me and then they had a little Gospel message for the children before it was my turn to sing . I left during the Gospel message so I could find my starting note . I didn 't want to start too high or to low . Anyway , I got through that without to much pain . : ) I did my normal Saturday cleaning and getting my advances . SuPosted by I posted last week that the Commander of our Awana program asked me to sing The National Anthem at our Grand Prix on Saturday . The words are difficult to understand if you do not know the story behind the song and the tune is almost impossible to sing in the key it is written in , before I could sing this song I had to understand the meaning of it . I try never to sing a song , without it meaning anything to me . I asked a friend of mine if he knew what " O ' er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming ? " meant . He grew up going to Baseball games and singing the " National Anthem " I on the other hand have never really sang this song . I know the first line of the song and couldn 't have told you what the rest of the song said or why we sing it . Shame on me for never caring enough to look this information up . Did anyone know that there are 4 stanza to this song ? I had " NO " idea . It took me a little time to research what this song was all about but when I stood up to sing the " National Anthem " I sang this song with everything I had in me . My husband and a lot of other people said that I did a great job with it . I did the best I could . I now have a love for this song that I have never had before . Now I want to tell you how it came to be written . Isaac Asimov now writes . In 1812 , the United States went to war with Great Britain , primarily over freedom of the seas . We were in the right . For two years , we held off the British , even though we were still a rather weak country . Great Britain was in a life and death struggle with Napoleon . In fact , just as the United States declared war , Napoleon marched off to invade Russia . If he won , as everyone expected , he would control Europe , and Great Britain would be isolated . It was no time for her to be involved in an American war . At first , our seamen proved better than the British . After we won a battle on Lake Erie in 1813 , the American commander , Oliver Hazard Perry , sent the message " We have met the enemy and they are ours . " However , the weight of the British navy beat down ouPosted by Inside every older person is a younger person - - wondering what in the world happened . - Cora Harvey Armstrong - Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out . But I can usually shut her up with cookies . ( Unknown ) The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy . - Helen Hayes ( at 73 ) - I refuse to think of them as chin hairs . I think of them as stray eyebrows . - Janette Barber - My second favorite household chore is ironing . My first one being - - hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint . - Erma Bombeck - Old age ain 't no place for sissies . - Bette Davis - Every time I close the door on reality , it comes in through the windows . - Jennifer Unlimited - Thirty - five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart . - Caryn Leschen - If you can 't be a good example - - then you 'll just have to be a horrible warning . - Catherine - Behind every successful man is a surprised woman . - Maryon Pearson - Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission . - Eleanor Roosevelt - The ' L I T T L E ' ThingsAs you might know , the head of a company survived 9 / 11 because his son started Kindergarten . Another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts . One woman was late because her alarm clock didn 't go off in time . One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike because of an auto accident . One of them missed his bus . One spilled food on her clothes and had to take time to change . One 's car wouldn 't start . One went back to answer the telephone . One had a child that dawdled and didn 't get ready as soon as he should have . One couldn 't get a taxi . The one that struck me was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning , took the various means to get to work but before he got there , he developed a blister on his foot . He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band - Aid . That is why he is alive today . Now when I am stuck in traffic , miss an elevator , turn back to answer a ringing telephone . . . all the little things that annoy me . I think to myself , this is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment . . Next time your morning seems to be going wrong , the children are slow getting dressed , you can 't seem to find the car keys , you hit every traffic light , don 't get mad or frustrated ; It may be just that God is at work watching over you . May God continue to bless you with all those annoying little things and may you remember their possible purpose . Give thanks with a grateful heart , Give thanks to the Holy One , Give thanks because He 's given Jesus Christ His Son . And now let the weak say " I am strong . " Let the poor say " I am rich . " Because of what the Lord has donefor us Give thanks . Speak to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs , offering praise and making melody with all your heartunto the Lord , at all times and in everything , unto God the Fatherin the name of ourLord Jesus Christ . May you and your loved onesbe especially blest . I took 3 of my boys out for Halloween with my oldest son and daughter - in - law . Bo was a Scientist ( He says Evil ) and J & J the twins were football players . My oldest Grandson was a Scientist like Bo and Jack was a Chicken . ( A very cute chicken ) The kids all got two bags of candy each . It was a fun time for all of us . I finally feel back to normal , I have energy to spare . ( I always get myself in trouble when this happens ) I have no idea how this happened , but I was working in Awana minding my own business working with my young girls and the Commander came up and asked the girls if they knew of a good singer that could sing the National Anthem at our Awana Grand Prix on Saturday . I thought if I ignored him he would go away , it didn 't work . He said he didn 't want to put any pressure on anyone but if someone would step forward and say " She " will do it he would be free to leave . After the Worship Fest , I told myself I wasn 't going to sing for a week . That is not going to happen now , I need to print out the sheet music and start practicing tomorrow . The Grand Prix is on Saturday . Yes , I volunteered ! I really have no idea how I get myself into these things . I am really very happy to use my talents God has given me anyway he desires for me too . I have tonight " FREE " it will be so great to have a night to do nothing . I really want to get outside and rake the leaves . The fall colors are so beautiful and the temp in the day isn 't too bad . I think before it gets to cold I 'll spend sometime outdoors tonight . I have my wonderful grandchildren over today so I think I am going to go enjoy them . They are sitting with Bo eating their breakfast right now but I hear a lot of noise coming from the kitchen , I 'd better run and see what is going on . Two WolvesOne evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people . He said , " My son , the battle is between two ' wolves ' inside us all . One is Evil . It is anger , envy , jealousy , sorrow , regret , greed , arrogance , self - pity , guilt , resentment , inferiority , lies , false pride , superiority and ego . The other is Good . It is joy , peace , love , hope , serenity , humility , kindness , benevolence , empathy , generosity , truth , compassion and faith . " The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather , " Which wolf wins ? " The old Cherokee simply replied , " The one you feed . " I badly want to be like the good wolf but at times I find myself being like the evil wolf . |
Lisbet hurriedly opened the door brimming with excitement . She had been present at other births and was beginning to consider herself quite an authority on the matter , but this was different . This was Cindra , her best friend and she was overjoyed that such happiness was about to be bestowed upon her . Not to mention the running bet she had with her over the gender of the child . Cindra was sure it was going to be a girl , but Lisbet was equally sure it would be a boy . And so they had made a wager , she who was wrong must run three times around the entire ship in her nightdress . Lisbet 's face fell . This was not at all how it was supposed to be as far as she knew . The Queen had been calmly waiting for the ladies when they arrived and of course Morven had not been conscious for most of the ordeal . She had to admit in hindsight that witnessing these two births did not exactly make her an expert but still , she did not Cindra should be so hysterical . And it wasn 't like her friend , she had been so excited about her approaching motherhood . She paused to sniffle weakly into her sleeve , " He … oh he was so angry … . and I … I was so frightened . And her face … the fire … I could smell her flesh … oh … she was burning alive " . She could not imagine what Garrick had done . From everything Cindra had ever told her he was a very good husband , kind and loving . In fact , Lisbet sometimes found herself wondering despite her own love of this young woman , how Garrick could bear to be the brunt of so many of Cindra 's pranks . But he never seemed to mind and Lisbet thought he must love her deeply . She quickly pulled herself together , pushing her own fears back into the recess of her mind they had managed to fight their way out of . She would deal with them later . Right now Cindra needed her and it was not good for her or the baby for her to be upset . " There now Cin , it will be all right . I 'm here now and I won 't let anything bad happen to you . And Hepsie will be along any minute now and she 's just about the most reliable person I know " , Lisbet kept her voice level and soothing as she felt the other girl 's trembling begin to subside . Lisbet was beginning to worry that Hepsie wouldn 't arrive in time , Cindra 's pains seemed to be coming fairly close together . And she definitely was starting to realise she was not as confident with the whole procedure as she had thought . It was one thing to watch from the side , bringing water every so often . Actually getting the baby out was a whole other thing . Cindra squeaked , " It 's me ! " , as Lisbet scrambled off the bed to help Hepsie . There was only the two of them to attend Cindra . It was going to be a long hard night . Cindra awoke , shivering dreadfully despite the heat of her body . Her face felt flushed and feverish from the proximity of the fire and her hands scorched by the flames . She took a deep breath trying to still the pounding of her heart and the churning in her stomach . It had just been another dream , however realistic . She reached out blindly in the darkness for her husbands massive form . He was breathing heavily , snoring loudly , but she was glad of these mundane noises . Anything to make her forget that dreadful cry of suffering that was echoing in her head . Isabelle … her name had been Isabelle . Cindra shuddered , fear clawing at her heart . That was the name her husband cried after his nightmares . The name that had haunted her life since his accident . And now this Isabelle was drifting silently through her head , invading her dreams each night in the dark . She would wake him , she couldn 't sleep anymore . Tonight she would know who Isabelle was so she could finally rest again . He rolled onto his back , grunting in his sleep , batting her away with a giant hand . The unpleasant , stale smell of ale wafted from his open mouth , as he continued to snore . Her stomach turned at the sour stench and she sat up abruptly to get away from it . She would light the candles . Perhaps that would wake him up . She stood up and was hit with a pain so intense she involuntarily cried out . She clutched at her stomach as a symphony of agony played through her abdomen , contracting all the muscles in her lower body , each one thrumming with its own note of pain . She gazed down at her sleeping husband , studying the strong lines of his face , half - hidden in the darkness . He snorted gently and licked his lips , his mouth hanging half - open . Cindra could see thins strands of drool that had been caught in the wirey bristles of his copper - coloured beard . He woke suddenly with a shocked grunt and sat bolt upright in bed . Then he turned to her his bleary eyes blinking in the light . He wiped his mouth with his hand and tried to speak . She couldn 't bear it . Tonight when she needed him here he was slobbering drunk again . She had been patient with him on the many nights he had stumbled to bed , or not come to bed at all , she had let him huimilate her in front of her friends . But it was too much tonight and she was tired and frightened and suddenly very very angry . She almost sobbed herself as her anger departed as quickly as it had built up , she had been wrong to ask . She should have just left him alone . She turned to take him in her arms and comfort him but was shocked to find him on his feet his fists clenched , his teeth bared , his face contorted into a grimace of rage . " What do I know of her ? " , Cindra repeated his words , " She is in my dreams every night , her pale face , her red hair … I can 't get her out of my head ! Who is she ! ? " . " You lie ! " , he repeated again this time shouting the words , " Is this one of your jokes Cindra ? Your funny funny jokes ! Well it 's not funny this time ! " . She tried in vain to fight with the sob that was building in her throat . She couldn 't understand , why was he being like this . What had she done that was so wrong . Oh why did she think she should ask about her , about Isabelle . Cindra watched as the wind set the dead autumn leaves gently spinning through the air , falling to the dank soil at her feet like off - kilter ballerinas . The leaves whispered from the trees above , clinging desperately to their branches as the breeze caressed them , enticing them to let go and join him in this final dance . They sighed gently , knowing it would not be long before they joined their kinsmen , held in the wind 's wild embrace for one brief ecstatic moment and then tossed away to be trampled into the earth . The trees creaked softly in sorrow , knowing they would soon be abandoned , stripped bare and left to their shame in the stark winter light . She recognised the forest from her childhood , tromping on stumpy legs through the mud with Lochan , hide and seek between the boughs of the gentle oaks . It should have seemed strange to her to be there again , this forest lay many miles from Mhalwae , but it was not . She did not think it odd either that she no longer carried a weighty belly in front of her , but could move freely among the woods without hindrance . Looking at the girl 's face Cindra almost thought she could see it moving , through the shimmering heat of the fire . Her face seemed to contort into a grimace of pain or pleasure , her lips opening to moan . Her body writhing in agony or bliss as the flames flowed over her . Then she realised the awful truth , the girl was moving . She was not dead , she was alive and they were burning her ! She looked around wildly for help , opening her mouth to scream but no sound would leave her constricted throat . Morven craned her neck to look at them as they processed through the door . She still couldn 't comprehend the fact that in their arms they carried her babies . Babies ! How could she not have known that there were two of them kicking around inside her . Oh ! but they were so very small , she thought her heart sinking . Hepsie slowly waddled around the bed carrying the smaller of the two . She stared at it for a moment , with an odd feeling of detachment . Somehow she couldn 't believe that this small creature had actually been living inside her for the last eight and a half months , sleeping in her belly listening to the warm thump of her heartbeat . " Hepsie … I … I want to stand … been in bed for so long … want to … see … if my legs … still work " , she wheezed . " Poor thing … he … he doesn 't know what 's … going on " , Morven smiled in amusement . Her husband seemed to be back to his old self , joking and smiling and generally being exceedingly silly . She hadn 't seem him smile like this for many weeks before when she had been awake . Watching them , Morven 's body began to feel very tired , the weight of her little son on her shoulder was dragging on her neck . Her still swollen belly was pulling at her back , so that her entire body felt like it should sag gently to the floor where it could finally get some rest . Her knees were beginning to shake with the effort of holding herself up from it . Suddenly it was too much and she just wanted all of them to leave , leave her in peace so she could just sleep again . Hepsie gently took the baby from her arms . Morven slumped weakly onto the bed , and with great effort began to draw the blankets up around her . They scratched at her skin as she pulled them up , but at this moment , she longed to wrap herself in them and hide from the world . As she pulled the blanket up to her chin she looked over at Alexis . He was murmuring softly to the other peasant girl . She could not hear what he was saying , but the girl 's head was bowed , her eyes downturned and Morven could see a blush slowly blooming in her cheeks . She laid her head on the pillow and tried not to think about it . She was not usually jealous of Alexis ' escapades so why should she be now . She just wanted them all out , it was too much . She wanted to sleep . She closed her eyes and to her body 's relief , sleep found her there quickly and wrapped her in its embrace . " No ! Wait stay there love … I 'll come and join you . Then you have no reason to rise at all " , this seemed to halt her progress and he ran around to the other side of the bed , swearing softly as he hit his shin on the way . He scrambled onto the bed beside her , wrapping his arms gently around her shoulders . She had lost a lot of weight lying there for weeks and he was surprised by how thin she felt in his embrace . But he could barely contain his happiness , and had to remind himself to be careful with her frail body . She closed her eyes and rested her face wearily against his . He shut his to , gently stroking her arm with the backs of his fingers . Then he had to open them again to remember that it wasn 't just a dream , his wife was awake again , sitting in his arms , alive . " In fact … both babies are fine . Do you really not remember giving birth . You were very brave , they thought all three of you wouldn 't make it , but you woke up and gave me " , he stopped here for a dramatic pause , " two little sons " . She had been waiting patiently at the door for what seemed like an age . It had definitely been long enough for her tiny tummy to begin to rumble , and she realised it was probably approaching the time when the big mother cat allowed her kittens to feed . Snowflake could partake in this if no one noticed her , which was often the case . The big mother cat would lie slumped on her side , as crowds of tiny kittens jostled each other to try and get a teat . After everyone was engaged , some kittens sucking away contentedly , while others detached and lay moaning on the floor , their tiny bellies swollen with milk , she could usually sneak in and get a feed . There had been many cuffs from the big mother cat , and scratches from the other kittens however . It wasn 't easy to hide her white coat amongst the mottled colours of the litter . Then suddenly , the door clicked open . Now was her chance ! She scrambled onto her feet and galloped through the opening as fast as her tiny paws could carry her . She ran past the big black boots of the man , feeling a little bad for tricking him this way . He was always kind to her , feeding her treats , tickling behind her ears . There were times when he had even let her sleep beside him on his bed , a privilege none of the other kittens she 'd met had ever been granted . But she had a mission and it was an important one . The last thing her mother had purred into her tiny ears was that she must look after the mistress . And so she would , but they had locked her out for so many days she was growing desperate . She hoped the man would forgive her . She ran round the side of the bed to where her mistress lay but then she encountered a problem . The hulking wooden structure soared high above her head and she could see no way of reaching her mistress ' side . She gazed up in despair . There was nothing to it . She was just going to have to jump . She crouched low , tensing all her muscles as she had seen the adult cats do before they pounced . Then with all her might she threw herself upwards towards the bed . Her little paws batted at the side , wildly scrabbling for something to hold onto to , but it was to no avail and she crashed back down to the floor , hurting her legs when she fell . She slumped down onto her side , staring at her paws in frustration . Why couldn 't she just jump a bit higher ? She had seen the big cats do it with such ease and grace and she desperately wanted to be like them . What sort of cat was she if she couldn 't even jump . How would she be able to do other catly things , like catch mice for instance , if she couldn 't complete such an easy task . She meowed again in excitement , as she saw one of her mistress ' fingers poking over the side of the bed . She simply must get up there . It was her duty to both her mother and her mistress and she could not fail . She crouched down again , building up the energy in her legs , wiggling her tail - end back and forth as she had seen the adult cats do , to build the power . This was it , THE jump , she knew she would make it now . She had the incentive , the motivation , she was a big cat soaring gracefully through the air , landing with poise where she wanted . She took a deep breath and launched herself into the air . She was going to make it , she had jumped higher than ever before , she felt her paws collide with the side of the bed and she began to scrabble for something to dig her claws into . But the evil mattress was mostly packed hay at this point , and her tiny claws could not find a paw - hold . She started to fall and she knew this time she would really hurt herself , her legs would be crushed underneath her falling weight . She panicked , her legs and arms flailing as she fell . She gingerly picked up a paw and examined it for damage , but there was none . She licked at it just in case , but no pain shot through her limbs with the rough touch of her tongue . Amazing ! Steen was getting tired of sitting . He had been perched on this uncomfortable lump of wood that served for a chair for hours . He did not feel at ease sitting in this dark musty room , listening to the ragged breathing of the priest who lay tossing and turning in the bed beside him . He gingerly stretched his shoulders upwards , trying to work out the uncomfortable kinks that had settled there from the long hours of sitting . He didn 't want to be here , confined in the unpleasant closeness of the sick room as the night passed by . He wished he were out searching for who , or what did this , rather than sitting here in the dark . But he would do anything for Hepsie and he knew that this was the best way he could help her . He was worried about his little wife as she ran about , carrying the weight of everyone 's sorrows on her shoulders . They were strong shoulders , but so small to be bearing such a great burden . He would carry as much of the load for her as he could . He cared about the Father too , and knew it was deeply important that he awoke . The people were in desperate need of guidance , and the priest provided that in his own gentle , tentative way . But in the back of Steen 's mind he could not help but think of the many times he had seen the priest with Valeriya . And there was a certain something that Steen could recognise in the man 's eyes when he gazed upon her lovely , pale face . Steen knew it because his expression must have been the same when he was looking at Hepsie . Steen was lucky , God had been kind to him and given him Hepsie , the only thing he truly wanted in this world . But it seemed to him the devil nipped at Harndall 's feet , while he struggled to stay on the path chosen for him . Steen was lucky . What if he had been born a priest . What then ? Would he still have loved Hepsie ? He knew it for sure . Whatever incarnation God has seen fit to assign to him , he would love her , whether he were a Prince on high , or a dog whining at her feet . She was so beautiful her soft features , her infinitely kissable lips , the rosy blooms in her cheeks , her deep brown eyes that smiled even when she didn 't . He loved the way her curly hair cascaded down her shoulders when she loosed it at the end of the day . No one else saw it that way , they could only suspect from the tiny curls she neatly tucked behind her ears . Sometimes he liked to twine those thick strands between his fingers , or just bury his face in her hair and breath deep the comforting scent of hay and sandalwood . " Well my luverly … looks like I 'm catchin ' yew sleepin ' on the job eh ? " , she smiled warmly at him but he could see the exhaustion hiding just beneath the surface . He knew how much effort it was for her to pretend and he wanted to take her in his arms and carry her to bed where she could sleep for as long as she wanted . He would stand guard at the door and turn the needy folks away . He would do it for her . But she would never want that . He looked up at her beautiful , beloved face , as she gazed down at him , and his heart thumped painfully in his chest . He loved it when she looked down upon him like this , it was such a change from the usual way of things as he towered above her all day . In the night he loved to lay back and watch her as she moved above him . She would look down at him , her dark hair falling around her flushed face , her lips parted in a soft moan , as his body moved in rhythm with hers . He stood up now looking down at Hepsie . He loved this too , the way her eyes raised up to him expectantly and he could see the inside of her lower lip when her mouth was slightly opened . Also it did give him an extremely good vantage point to gaze at the curves of her breasts peeking cheekily out the top of her dress . This set Hepsie in action again , and within seconds she was kneeling on the floor beside Harndall . Steen fell to his knees too but was unsure what he should do . He would wait and follow Hepsie 's lead , she would know what to do . And she did , in an instant her arms were wrapped around the frail priests shoulders and she was murmuring words of comfort as they sat in a heap together on the floor . He was weeping , muttering about Mella and Valeriya and something about someone 's eyes . Occasionally his sobs were interrupted by bout of hysterical , laughter followed by uncontrolled shivers that rampaged through his body . He leapt to his feet first helping his little wife as she struggled to hers and then carefully lifting the Father back into his bed . He managed to send Hepsie to get some rest , after she had checked over the Father , who was now sleeping soundly , three times . Then he resumed his position on that dreadfully uncomfortable seat and began to entertain himself again with thoughts of his wife . It was going to be a long night . Hepsie could hear the wailing before she entered the room . She opened the door to find an extremely harassed looking Juzzine , holding the bigger of the two babies in her arms . The other baby lay quietly in his crib , his face turned towards the wall . They were terribly lucky to have Juzzine , she thought . The young woman had given birth a month ago and she now had the task of feeding not only her own babe , but Morven 's two as well . It was not an easy job , and Hepsie felt bad for her but there was nobody else . The only other women who had given birth on the island were Darina and the Queen . Darina barely had enough milk for Aisling , and of course they could not ask such a thing of the Queen . So the task had fallen to Juzzine , and she had accepted it without question as she did with everything . Looking at her Hepsie could see the weariness on the other woman 's face , and thought she must look quite similar . They were all being stretched too thin , and it was becoming evident in the small rips and fraying at the edges . She saw that if she were to fall apart now they would all follow , tearing into shreds to be scattered in the frigid winds of the gale outside . This very thing had been worrying Hepsie too , but she could not let the other woman see that . Some women had more than enough milk while others were struggling to feed their own . And here Juzzine was feeding three . But she also knew that sometimes stress and lack of sleep could cause this to happen and they just had to hope that this was the case . Otherwise she didn 't know what they would do . " But yew probably just be needin ' a bit o ' sleep . Sometimes this be happenin ' when us ladies are tired . I 'll find someone else to be watchin ' over these two tonight and yew can go back to yer husband and yer own littl ' un and get some rest " . " Well , I just fed this ' un which is maybe why he 's bein ' cryin ' so much … I think it hurts his wee tummy , but it dried up when I wasn ' quite done . Before that I fed his brother , but Hepsie he don 't be eatin ' so much and he 's bein ' suckin ' so very weakly " . He looked back up at her with Morven 's big blue eyes , his arm lying limply at his side . She didn 't like to say but she had grave fears about this one . They were both such small things , but his brother seemed to have been imparted all the energy . This little one only lay there listlessly , listening to his brother 's loud wailing . Hepsie was very grateful that Lady Inbar had offered to sit by Valeriya 's bedside . Her husband had been an absolute nightmare and Hepsie was glad to have finally convinced him to get some sleep . He was constantly pawing at her , stroking her hair , trying to cover her with more blankets as Valeriya 's fever soared . She looked over at the pale figure of the Countess . She was so pallid one could believe she were dead except for the gentle movement of her chest and an occasional whimper of pain . She had lost a lot of blood . Hepsie was surprised she had survived a wound such as hers . They were lucky that it had been such a frigid night last night , the cold had stilled the bleeding . Otherwise she would not have been laying here before them now . It had taken what seemed like an age to warm her , so frozen was her body . Especially with Radomir hanging over Hepsie , criticising her every action . She had , had to stay by Valeriya 's side , Radomir declaring the woman 's rank over the other beings who sorely needed her attention . Steen had been given hasty instructions of the procedure and gone with some of the other 's to try and save the Father . What she really needed was blood , but Hepsie did not now how to give it . She had seen the surgeons once before draining blood from an ill person , to rid them of evil humours , but never before had she heard of someone putting blood back in . It was a river that ran one way . All they could do now was wait , bathing her face and trying to give her some water and hope that she would be well again . Hepsie did not like to lie , but she also knew that there wasn 't a lot of hope for the people at this time . This was the third attack and now everyone was confined to the ships , unable to leave for fear of death . They had not gotten much of a start on planting crops for the next year , so they were going to be hard - pressed to ration the food they had left . If the first year had been hard , the second was going to be worse . The people needed whatever hope they could get . " Well I don 't rightly be knowin ' yer ladyship , but I am thinkin ' it 's bein ' way to soon to give up hope yet . She may be pullin ' through yet … she was in good health before … " , she trailed off . It just seemed so much effort to constantly reassure everyone and keep a cheerful smile on her face . She wanted to lock herself in her room and see nobody for a week . But she knew that was not possible . She was needed . " Beside which " , she said after contemplating for a moment , " he 's bein ' sharin ' those marks on his neck just the same as her , though her 's be far worse and more hasty it looks like . No … I be thinkin ' it 's bein ' something to do with that man that attacked poor Darina . She was havin ' them same marks on her dear neck too . An ' poor sweet Nelly . There 's somethin ' not right about this whole thing … what sort of man goes about bitin ' good people on the neck " . Thinking of Darina she hoped the woman was alright . She had gone to stay with her to help with the baby , after the attack . Darina had been quite ill , barely able to feed the baby , so she had lain in bed for many days while Hepsie ran the house . But she had been much better when Hepsie had to leave for the ships , as the Queen herself 's time was approaching . " Arright then , yer lady … I best be headin ' out to check on those others . Yew just let me know if anythin ' be happenin ' with this poor dear " , she paused , " And try to be keepin ' that husband o ' hers out if yew can … he only seems to be makin ' her worse " . As she turned and walked out the door a wave of exhaustion washed over her . It was really too much for one woman . Her ankle was throbbing incessantly and the weight of her belly was dragging at her back . If only she could have had Darina and Gena to help her , both were sensible women and irreplaceable in their own ways . Alexis had refused to leave her side , having only a cursory glance at his sons . Hepsie had tried to convince him to come and see them , perhaps hold them for a while but he had refused . She tried to tell him gently that they might not survive and he should see them while he still could , but he had only closed his eyes , grasping Morven 's clammy hand in his and asked her to please leave . Now he sat beside her , dozing in his chair . She carefully closed the door with a click . Now she would go check on those babies and see how they were doing . She had much to do before she would sleep tonight . Garrick could see that the sun was bloody well rising . In fact he was entirely sick of Cordell 's incessant commentary on everything . And as for waving that ruddy sword around everywhere like he was some sort of ancient hero , it was really a bit much . Garrick had been enjoying an extremely pleasant sleep indeed , free from the terrible nightmares that had haunted him for months on end . His best friend these days was a frothy tankard of ale . A few of these ( well perhaps slightly more than a few ) and no longer could she scamper through his dreams , tangling her tiny cold fingers in his beard . He was free . Thinking of Cindra he realised that in fact she had not been sleeping when he left , but sitting in up in bed , her eyes red and bleary . When he had kissed her farewell her face had been warm and clammy , sweaty curls plastered to her forehead . Perhaps she had another nightmare , he mused . She seemed to be sleeping very badly these days . It was probably the baby , it was more restless with each new day , and he knew it would not be long till it came . He winked at Garrick conspiratorially , chuckling softly , " And I must be confessin ' I also have them nasty little bastards bein ' frozen up in this here nose of mine . Tis ' bein ' a most unpleasant experience . Not painful mind yew , but sort of prickly " . It was strange that they hadn 't chosen a warmer rendezvous spot . It had been a bitterly cold night and Garrick knew from personal experience that there were plenty of hiding places throughout the ships . Cindra and he had explored quite a number of them . Cordell and Radomir reached the huddled figures first , standing there for a moment . Garrick noticed Cordell 's sword drooping uselessly at his side . Then his addled brain realised how strange it was that the two had not responded to the men 's cries , how strange it was that they had lain there in the snow all through the night . Her skin had always been pale , but now it was completely bleached , the only colour leant by the cuts and bruises that covered it . Her soft golden hair was spread about her still - beautiful face . Her arm was entwined with that of the Priest 's whose face was also drained of colour , but there were no visible signs of violence on him . He looked peaceful , his features soft as though he were merely sleeping . " We have to get her back to Goodwife Cade ! She will know what to do . Come on you fool ! Don 't just stand there like an idiot . Bring the torch this way ! " , he growled to Steen who was standing nearby an expression of shock written across his features . " Don 't worry darling … you 'll be alright . Your Radomir is here now and I will take good care of you . He can 't hurt you anymore . You are mine again now " , he murmured to the shivering girl in his arms . Suddenly he straightened up and shouted , " Garrick ! He just moved … he 's alive too ! Only his breathing is very shallow , I did not even see it before " . |
The word of the day that comes in my In Box this morning means that which is favorable to promoting health . In other words , to eat right , exercise a lot , keep calm and carry on . To engage in those and other activities that will keep me in good mind and shape . Another of them , and also very important , is going to a doctor and getting tested when you 're supposed to . Which means taking the medical community 's advice and getting a colonoscopy when you turn fifty . Which , well , you guessed it , is something I didn 't do . And which was why , two and half years ago , constipated and in unbearable pain , I walked to the medical center two blocks away bent in half as if shot in the stomach . A few tests later the doctor sent me to the radiologist further down the street . Checking my scan , she told me to take myself to the hospital . " What hospital ? " " Whichever one you want to go to . But do it today , now . " Still in agony , sprawled across the back seat of the town car that took me there , the look in my driver 's eyes seemed to wonder if I was going to make it to Beth Israel 's Emergency Room alive ? And that was where , you guessed right again , I was diagnosed with colon cancer . Oh the joy in finding out there 's a malignant tumor growing inside you that a simple , painless test might have caught in time and you have a year of brutal treatments ahead that may or may not cure you . Then you find out , because there had never been a reason to give it much thought , you 're never actually " cured " of cancer . Once the beast is loose it can be shrunk and removed , but there 's always a chance of it coming back anytime anywhere . The best you can hope for is to be " in remission . " A slippery medical term meaning the diminution of the seriousness or intensity of a disease . Not a complete recovery in other words as , say , stitches close a cut on your finger and that 's that until the next time you mismanage a kitchen knife . The dictionary definition of remission is to pardon , to forgive , as of sins or offenses . Though in m ( 2016 ) You walk on the rose - colored strip of concrete that starts on the sidewalk , goes under Memo 's big black awning with the street light shining on it . It stops at the two heavy wood doors inviting in all of Central Ave . You pause long enough for Walt , the bouncer you should never irritate to the degree of getting his exclusive attention , to nod you inside even though he knows you . Past the doors , music 's coming out of Cleanhead 's alto sax bright and fast . He 's no miniature presence up there leading the thing , on the bandstand in the center of the room positioned so you can see the musicians playing no matter where you sit . Even at the bar where the long mirror reflects them so you don 't have to spin in your stool to watch . This is where Jimmy puts us last time we were together . Ten Spot . Center of the strip that was the center of things itself in L . A . We 're on the sidewalk . I 've been playing here most of the two years since I got out of Chino . Fourteen months for possession . Wind that never stops comes off the Bay whipping at us , blowing at our shirtsleeves and pantlegs . People rush past , hurrying out of the buildings to live their own lives a while . It 's the time I usually make most of my money . But it wasn 't right to tell Jimmy this after so many years gone by since the last time . He still had those big smiling eyes that always made you want to smile with him . I think they blessed him in a way some others we knew back then weren 't . Gave him a good feeling about himself . Helped him see through the difficulties to what was important . Things have changed with him . He still goes to a club now and then when he can get away from his family . He gave up the life ; going to the after hours places where they serve you booze in coffee cups , and the police coming round not to inspect it and arrest you all but to be paid off . He has a job selling building supplies , and seeing the quality of the clothes he 's wearing no need to tell me it 's going well . Anyway , Jimmy says , Central Ave 's no longer the place we remember . Clubs are closed , boarded up , torn down , graffiti painted everywhere . All of them : Last Word , Alabama , Casa Blanca . Even Dolphin 's , where you could buy records , drugs and booze twenty - four hours a day . Nothing 's taken their places except poverty and trouble . It 's all here , he taps his head to indicate whatever we remember is all that 's left . The scene 's moved up near the valley and it 's not the same one we knew . Money men are in on everything , Jimmy fills in the answer for me . Everywhere you go you need lots to have a good time . We needed it too , but nothing like now . He thinks about what he just said , about money . His looks down to my paper cup with the change and some folded ones . That 's when I remember it 's there , and I get the urge to kick it across the street . Instead I say something funny about it . How I come out here once in a while to play , to try to get the feeling back . But the voice I want to convince Jimmy that everything 's all right with does anything but that . He 's known otherwise since he picked me out on the sidewalk with my trumpet , blowing a sound not near like it was when we last saw each other . Street playing was all he needed to know to figure out the story we didn 't talk about . Eyes told me just what else he knew about me too , everything that 'd gone on since I saw him in L . A . almost twenty years ago , at Ten Spot . Wondering how a man 's life comes down to this ? Jimmy remembers it better than me , who can 't bring up the night at all . Ten Spot was a favorite place of ours . I wasn 't playing and we were having a good time , is what he says about it . A really fine time . What I remember most was the high living , avoiding nothing that came our way . Drugs . Booze . Women . And there were plenty of those around . Even on a day off , no gig to go to , most of us couldn 't stay away from the round - the - clock action that made you feel you were missing something if you weren 't in it . If you were looking for something to do that 's where you went to find it in all of L . A . Everyone came through there , all the big names on the West Coast and from the other coast and spots in between . We talk another while . Somewhere in it I bend slow . Take my horn and hat up from the sidewalk . Jimmy saw the pain I get in my legs and stomach . But I didn 't stop like I would 've if he wasn 't there . Got down later to get them . There 's plenty in the cup , and could 've been more . It 's been a good day and I want to go spend some of what I made . Weather 's still warm enough for people to relax to stop and drop something in it . I stuff it all in my coat pocket with some change already there . Turning , I start to leave . But Jimmy wants to say more . Ask the questions he hasn 't got to , that I 'm not going to let him . The answers are there for the picking and all he has to do is reach a hand out to grab them . Wait , wait , Lewis , here , take something , Jimmy says in the voice that makes you think it 's coated with molasses . His fingers slip a twenty from a wallet that has more of em in there . A bill that big comes my way once in a year , I guess . Much as I want to take it , need it , I say thank you , say I can 't accept it . Same old Lewis , Jimmy says to my back . Makes me feel good he does that . Remembers the Lewis back in L . A . I can feel him still standing there . Twenty still out waiting for me to pick it from his fingers . Damn , I coulda used it . On the way to my rooms over in Mission I keep thinking how it 's been years since I spoke to someone from then . And I hadn 't been in any hurry to . You can 't hide in the world . Someone always comes along and finds you , even in your weakest moment . Maybe only then , when you 're down low and it 's difficult to get up at all . I 'd left L . A . when I come up this way to prison . Folsom . Worst I ever been in . The bottom of the world . When they locked me up seven - and - a - half for stealing money and hurting a man . Left all of them , I mean . The people I knew . Ones you thought the most of . Like Jimmy . He looked better than ever , like the years hadn 't worn him down but made him into the person he was supposed to be , and what happened twenty years ago helped construct it . I was happy for him . In business instead of hurting himself and everyone close . I wished the best for the rest we knew , but you know better than to think everyone made it out all right . Jimmy had been surprised to see me playing on the corner . Same one I always play on . Where people know me . Market and Fifth . When once I played on stage and in a studio . Gave me a look like he 'd never expected to see me again . That told me all I needed to know about the talk going on about me . They 'd been thinking of me in the past only . Not the present . And it 's not something I 'm so disappointed about . I keep wishing Jimmy never saw me . But something he said comes . That makes me feel good . I know he wanted to pick me up with it and I wanted to wait to think about it some more . Lewis , in two recordings you did more than many do in a whole life of playing . Jimmy smiled , eyes dropped to the sidewalk . My best shoes needed some fixing but they were polished . I shine them every day before going out . I want to look good for the people who stop to listen , who appreciate what I 'm playing even though it 's not my best , who give me something . You 're still someone even though you 're on Market and Fifth and not in a big name club . What I felt I played . What I wanted to say you heard . That 's all I could tell Jimmy . Same as now . Though there 's a difference . 9 / 11 was another topic Larry and I talked about that night in Edison 's . It was a connection every New Yorker who 'd been down there that morning had with each other no matter what their take on the Administration 's response to it was . So unreal and dreamlike it seemed in the months and years after it happened . So mind - boggling . When I looked up at the skyline the missing towers were always a reminder of that tragic day . But slowly things got back to normal . Slowly the rebuilding started . Slowly the emotional blow faded and daily life again prevailed . Other unavoidable things came up that made me forget what I saw and how I felt . " Which is why I 'm sending you as my replacement , " he said jokingly . " Not that I think a Boston guy can do that , but someone has to pinch hit for me and you 're the last player left on the bench . " But I had the feeling it was intended to be just as much a treat for my being a good , obedient dog around there . Whatever the reason , it didn 't matter . He said , " See what you can pick up and put something together for me . I 'll let a few people know you 'll be out there so you don 't feel like a party crasher . " I wasn 't sure what he wanted me to pick up , if anything , but I didn 't press him for clarification , and I 'd make sure to take notes I could develop into a couple of pages to cover my ass with in case anyone was interested in what I 'd done out there . I also felt a rush of gratitude . It was just what I needed at the moment , to get out of New York a while and set my eyes on a completely different landscape . I said bye to Lucy early that morning and sensed relief like a release of air coming from her that I 'd be gone the next three nights . It didn 't bother me she felt that way . All the emotion between us had been expended and the thinking done and there was only to recognize it was time for one of us to make a move out the door and soon enough that would be me . By the time my plane landed at Sky Harbor and I took a taxi to Scottsdale I 'd put all that behind me like a desertion from a war that was no longer worth fighting . The ATIP Operations Conference & Exhibit wasn 't the first professional conference I 'd been too , but it turned out to be the most extravagant by far . It took place in April , 2007 , when all the borrowed money had people so flush with cash and giddy with the expectation there 'd be more and more of it that it seemed impossible it would or could come to an end a little over a year later , when the high risk game of Hot Potato would play out and the resulting losses would be staggering . But no one knew that then , or they didn 't care to know , and if they had any idea something bad like that was lurking in the afternoon shadows they weren 't saying anything . Why spoil the fun of a pleasant , air - conditioned dream on someone else 's tab ? Why not create more risky financial products few people understood or knew the value of but intended to profit from ? Why not believe the value of your property and retirement fund would continue to go up forever ? Why not buy a home with a value ten or fifteen times more than you made in a year and fill the bathrooms in it with ten dollar bars of soap that would make you smell nice when you came out of the tub ? In theory , I went there to hear financial industry analysis and investment advice from key business leaders from Standard and Poor 's , the U . S . Treasury and The Depository Trust and Clearing Corporation . In theory , attendees like me would get insights and tools to identify opportunities for new , efficient operational models at a time of tightening financial regulation . The list of speakers that would provide that was impressive : the Chairman and CEO of one of the country 's biggest banks ; a New York Times columnist and bestselling author ; the senior partner of a firm that provided tax reporting solutions to multinationals . I had no idea why a former Commander of U . S . and International Forces in Afghanistan was making an appearance and what he was going to talk about , but that was a speech I wasn 't going to miss . In theory , ATIP would provide me with knowledge I 'd pass on to Richard and use for my work at Beal and elsewhere . In reality , as a consulting Business Analyst , even a long - term one at a highly respected company , I had little interest or need to be there . But I didn 't quarrel the slightest with Richard 's decision to call me off the end of the bench , and the next Monday I took an early flight with a business class seat out of LaGuardia and got to Scottsdale in plenty of time to register and look through my ATIP Orientation Packet that included folders of written material , advertisements and an ATIP t - shirt , neatly folded and a medium , as if the organizers knew that was the size I wore . At seven that evening I crossed out the name on the tag the packet had also provided and added my own and stuck it to my shirt and went down to the Welcome Reception out on the patio . It was still over a hundred degrees and there were people splashing around the pool and dunking in the two spas . Large fans and mist spraying systems had been set up in several areas to keep the attendees cool . I accepted the glass of champagne offered by one of the waitresses roaming around with trays in their hands and then I went looking for a tag affixed to a man named Edward Donahue . Edward Donahue was the Executive Director of Global Technology at one of the largest computer services companies , the name of which I won 't mention though its three letter acronym was known worldwide . I 'd found him in the packet and looked over his photo and saw he had an economics degree from Cornell and an MBA from Wharton and that the subject of his Tuesday afternoon presentation would be " Reducing Capital Investments in Applications , Operations and Information Technology Infrastructure . " And even if it wasn 't stated , I had no doubt the best way to do that would be by partnering with his company . Richard made sure to tell me going to it was the one thing I absolutely had to do for him . " Make sure you say something after it , " he said , " to let him know you were there and heard what he had to say . " I recognized Edward Donohue before I read his tag . He was standing with three others by a huge potted cactus . Each had a glass of champagne in hand , and they appeared to be involved in a rather amusing conversation . One man was brown - skinned with black - rimmed glasses and an athletic build . Another man with graying hair was around sixty , tall and hunched . The lady with them was in her thirties , I assumed , wearing a white shirt and pastel - green shorts . Edward Donohue was dressed as if he had just come off the golf course , in a pink Izod jersey and tan slacks , and maybe that was the main focus of his appearance at ATIP , to spend the late mornings on the course a quarter mile down the street , a few power - broker foursomes that would provide some friendly competition and get a bit of business out of the way at the same time . The tall , hunched man 's name was Jack . " Then maybe I will . What kind of money you looking for , Robert ? I 'm sure we can work something out . " " Well now , I think that number just went up , " I said , and there was laughter all around . After it settled down I humped my shoulders , and added , " Hey , Richard doesn 't have to know anything . What happens in Scottsdale can stay here far as my thinking goes . " Not knowing if custom permitted my staying there with them , I made a little nod and said I 'd see them around over the next few days . Edward Donohue told me to be sure to sit at their table the following night and before I left them and moved on to the trays of catered food I thanked him for his kind gesture . After that , I ate and hung around a while among the chatter and networking , then I beat a hasty retreat up to my room and took a beer out of the mini bar and clicked on the t . v . and found the Celts - Bulls game which was just about to tipoff . The next day the Hyatt 's giant ballroom was set up with tables with white cloths and shiny plates and silverware and seating assignment cards . I found the card with my name on it on a table near the stage . There were two men sitting down and Eileen Foster was hovering around , a glass of something in her hand that looked a lot like sparkling water . " They like to start these off with a bang and end them with a bigger bang . They make a good impression and send you back feeling you got your money 's worth , " she said , happy , it seemed , to have someone to talk to while she waited for her colleagues to fill the table . In fact , I noticed from the cards , she 'd be to my right and I also thought I heard a movie line coming out of her mouth that wondered if I wanted to buy her a glass of bubbly and then maybe we might get famous with each other from there ? With a little more conversation I found out she 'd had a good day . In the morning she 'd gone to the Fitness Room and then swam thirty laps . After that , she sat in on the Exhibit Hall Luncheon that had the simple , straightforward theme of " A Look Ahead . " " I 'm originally from Milwaukee , the suburbs , a place called Elk Grove , " Eileen Foster said as we forked our food . " I was such a wild kid my parents never thought I 'd make anything of myself . Another case of suburban rebellion , I guess . I went off to Madison to polish those particular skills . What my parents never understood was it was that part of me that 's the reason I 'm where I am now . " " I looked over your bio and must say it 's quite something . Quantitative analysis and operations research at Sloan . Pretty nifty . They must be proud of you . " " Well , I 'm looking forward to the panel you 're on . Infrastructure , risk and efficiency . That 's a lot of territory to cover . " After dessert , a fresh fruit tart with vanilla tarragon syrup for me , tropical fruit and berries with sorbet for Eileen Foster , more wine arrived and our plates were cleared and Edward Donohue pushed back from the table , stepped up to the stage and gave the opening introduction to the proceedings we were presumably there to listen to even more than to eat the fine food and drink the Gold Medal California syrah . He settled behind the podium and spoke in a voice that boomed out at us , " Tonight you 'll hear diverse views about the latest regulatory reforms and operational developments that your firm will be able to benefit from . You 'll get a variety of perspectives on the impact of recent legislation on operational matters and how they might affect profits . You 'll get clear insights into future industry trends and business process enhancements … " At the end , Edward Donohue walked back to our table with a smile on his face and a nod here and there at the people he knew who were up out of their chairs clapping . When he got back and sat down we hailed his speech in glowing terms . It was another proud moment for him , of the kind he was used to , I could tell , and he reveled in it for a moment before he threw out a few jokes at his own expense : " For those of you who don 't know me so well I 'll let you in on a little something . That 's the first time I didn 't have to pull my notes out in a panic . Isn 't that right Jack ? " Out on the balcony the sky was blue , a deep unblemished blue and I sipped the coffee intending to go to the Fitness Center once I was fully awake . I had hopes of running into Eileen Foster , who 'd have the same goal in mind , to sweat out the syrah , the fat and the sugar . Sitting there , I went back and forth on calling her . It was something I hadn 't done in a while , called a woman with the intention of getting together to do something that didn 't include Lucy . It was always better to work out with a partner : I 'd use that pitiful starter line and add ' at least that 's what I 've read in the magazines I pick up around the gym when I 'm looking for a distraction that can 't be loaded on my iPod ' . She wore her ATIP t - shirt , running shorts and a plain white golf visor . Her hair was clipped back and she gave off the confidence and appearance of the ex high school jock she was . Out of the parking lot , we veered right and I dropped off behind her single file as we headed down a long commercial strip with a lot of traffic and activity and then past the golf course I imagined Edward Donohue teeing a ball up on and staring down the palm - lined pipeline of a long par four . After that , we came to a bend and an open area of low , dry grass and fast food rubble and where , up ahead , there was a lot of dust and noise as a construction crew was building the framework for the foundation of a large structure . The pavement was smooth and past the dust and construction we went by an office park and then the road opened up again , a rolling landscape of earthy hues that in another mile fed into an upscale residential neighborhood of housing with red tile roofs and stucco walls and entranceway arches and crisp , clean Southwestern landscaping , and the red sandstone McDowell Mountains rising behind it . The traffic was light and I pulled up next to Eileen Foster . She had an easy , loping running style and her head made a little bob every other stride . " Hope you don 't feel crowded , " I said . She glanced over at me and smiled . I was happy to share something with her even if it was nonsense . We kept up an easy pace , not slow , but easy enough . The sun was bright , the air dry . It wasn 't yet hot enough to be debilitating , but my breathing picked up and when I looked at Eileen Foster I saw the focus on her face , a wrinkled determination to finish something and move on to something else , an attitude that must have helped her score the many successes she 'd had up to then and that I was sure she 'd add many more to . We swung off to the right , around a bend . Up ahead , above the cypress trees , the top two floors of the Hyatt came into our view . It was a mile away but it seemed we 'd gotten to that point sooner than either of us expected . Had we picked up the pace that much , in a hurry to get a bottle of water at the finish line ? Eileen Foster said it felt like it , but we were still a long way from Olympic medal times . There was a lot of bustle out front of the hotel as we walked into the entrance , sweaty and satisfied with ourselves to have that accomplishment out of the way . There were still four hours before Edward Donohue 's presentation and the vendor workshops that came after it , a dead zone in the lives of a couple of conferees that had to be filled up somehow . I didn 't have any ideas for it other than getting something to drink and eat . " Well thanks for coming along , I enjoyed that a lot , " I said . The five mile run and twenty minute spa and the conversation relaxed us . So much so that when I saw her that night at the General Session in the Ballroom and we drank wine at another group dinner and after that occupied two chairs on the patio and talked some more , I recognized one of those convergences of events that had to be acted on in the moment or become another regret . And that 's what happened . I had one of those " why the fuck not " shrugs of my shoulders I wished I 'd had more of and I threw the words out there . " Do you want to come up to my room ? " I saw in her eyes and then heard in her voice the question relating to the ring on the index finger of my left hand . Without much of a pause I let her know Lucy and I were on the skids , as in something that was over . I said , " There 's a bottle of champagne in the mini bar I thought you might be interested in sharing with me out on the balcony . " |
" How do I look ? " Brian asked for the third time in ten minutes . He 'd finished his shower and come out to find Melody waiting for him with what she 'd selected . He 'd been extremely surprised , given that what she 'd selected for him wasn 't anything that he owned . When he 'd asked her where she 'd gotten the clothing from , she 'd laughed and said that she figured he 'd be asking for her help , and that she was familiar enough with his wardrobe to know what he had on hand wouldn 't cut it . Melody had stopped and gotten him something nicer to wear last night , and snuck it in when he invited her over . " You look fine , Master . In fact , you look more than fine . Stop fidgeting . If you keep adjusting everything all night , Marie 's going to think you 're up to something . Stop acting so nervous . " Melody swatted her Master 's hands as he continued adjusting the vest that she 'd bought for him . She thought he looked very handsome , and the black vest went very well with the dark gray shirt she 'd selected . A pair of dark gray slacks , and black shoes , had rounded out the outfit . She knew that if a guy asked her out and showed up in something like this , she 'd gladly be his girlfriend . If she wasn 't his slave already , of course . Still , Marie didn 't think of herself as her Master 's slave , and needed to be impressed . " Now , Master , please just relax and be yourself . You 're a very likeable person , and I know she 's going to be just crazy about you . " Melody smiled at him encouragingly as she said this . She understood his nerves , and knew he really liked Marie . She also knew that Marie was the type of girl who 'd like somebody as down to Earth as their master . Melody laughed to herself at the thought of Marie finding another girl in the room with her date . She could probably explain it off , but it would set a bad tone for the evening . Better to be an invisible , un - thanked helper . Brian opened his mouth to reply to her comment , when a knock came from the door . Both he and his slave froze at the sound , for different reasons . He turned to look back and forth between her and the door , before she gave him a big thumbs up , and then turned to slip into his closet , pulling the door closed behind her . As long as Marie didn 't go poking around , she should be safe there . Marie was stunning . As expected , she was wearing black , which meant his outfit went with hers well . The dress she 'd selected was both simple and sexy , and highlighted her figure well . He let his eyes roam for a moment , taking care not to focus too much on one thing , but wanting to get a good look at her . Melody had told him that checking out his date was ok , since obviously she 'd be putting a lot of effort into looking good . If he didn 't look at her at all , Marie would think there was something wrong with her , or something embarrassing The trick was moderation , keeping the eyes from lingering , but letting your date know that you wanted to look at parts of her a bit more , but were too much of a gentleman to stare . She 'd gone with a dress that had an angular neckline , cut low enough to show off a hint of breast , without coming anywhere close to exposing too much . It clung comfortably tightly to her chest and stomach , before flaring out at her waist , ending just above her knees . Her athletic frame was nicely enhanced by the dress , and she looked a wonderful combination of strong and feminine . Most surprising of all , she was actually wearing a pair of heels . He 'd always thought of her as a sporty girl , so he 'd never really thought to ask her to wear them , but he liked the way they made her calves look now . Her legs looked sexy in all the right ways . " Marie … " He said , trying to think of a way to describe the girl in front of him . Finally , he decided that he just didn 't have the words , but needed to say something . Apparently it was , because she blushed slightly a moment later , and smiled . He noticed a wet sparkle to her lips , and realized she was wearing lip gloss . It looked good , and he knew that full lipstick would have looked weird on her . " That makes two of us . " She said , smiling . " You 'll have to forgive me if I 'm a little slow in these shoes , but my roommate insisted that tennis shoes are out this season for formalwear . I had to sneak out before she could force me to wear a pair of pantyhose . I cannot understand how girls can wear those things . The last time I tried , I was shocking everything I touched . " It was Brian 's turn to laugh , although he hadn 't known about the static problem . He also spent a moment imagining how Marie would look in the clingy black fabric . It might be worth asking , later , just to see . However , he had other things to focus on presently . " Sure . " Marie nodded , and ran a hand through her hair . She took a step back , and Brian followed her into the hall , closing the door behind him . He hoped Melody would be ok on her own . " So , um , where are we going ? " Marie asked , as she started to walk beside him . He made a point of walking slow , and she really was unsteady on her feet . She looked like she 'd be ok , but he didn 't want to make her rush to keep up . " Of course that 's fine . " She replied , but then turned and gave him a playful smile . " As long as it 's not too surprising . " When they got to the elevator , he pressed the button , and when it arrived , he put his hand on the small of her back , before using it to guide her inside . He hoped she found the gesture romantic , and not controlling . She didn 't seem to give any indication that she minded , so he breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped in after her , and she hit the button for the ground floor . There was enough traffic on the way to the restaurant that he wasn 't able to engage her in too much conversation , which was a good thing , because his nerves meant that he needed to pay attention to the road . She didn 't push the issue , and spent a good deal of her time looking out the window . He hoped she wasn 't upset , but knew she probably had a lot on her mind , according to Melody . He hoped that they could put a lot of that to rest tonight . He just had to not blow anything , and make sure that he could convince her that he was a likable person . That meant he had to keep her from growing too distant , without being smothering . " Yeah . " Brian replied . " You didn 't strike me as the kind of girl that wanted to just eat a salad . Or go somewhere that the food costs three times as much because they put the one ounce of chicken on top of the salad . " " Just that I think a girl who 's going to be carrying her team to victory tomorrow needs to keep her energy up . " He smiled at her . " And that 's only about forty percent because your team captain said she 'd spread nasty rumors about me if I left you starving and too weak to play . " Marie laughed at the joke . " She can be a bit of a pain , sometimes . I 'm a big girl , I can take care of myself " " Yeah , it is . " Marie said , as she got out of the car . Brian kicked himself for not thinking to hop out first and open her door . He was worried that he might have upset her , but Marie was still smiling when he made it around the vehicle . " Do you have a reservation ? " She turned and asked him once they were inside . The place wasn 't empty , but was busy enough , given that it was near campus on a Friday evening . " Yeah . " He replied , letting her arm fall . To his surprise , Marie actually moved to quickly approach the podium , and gave his name to the girl standing there . Pausing , he tried to figure out what had just happened , and then realized . Marie didn 't want him to do everything on their date . She 'd let him hold the door , both while getting into his car and the restaurant , but she was taking the lead sometimes as well . " Great to hear . " He said with a smile . He looked around the waiting area for somewhere to sit , but most everything was full up . Instead , he found a quiet corner for them to stand . Brian shook his head . " No , this was all me , actually . " He smiled . He felt a little proud of himself for not needing help with everything . " I 've been here a couple times as well , and really liked the food . Plus , I 'm a guy , and we all like fire . " He added the last line as the chef at a table in the distance began cooking with the traditional fireball . She was standing right in front of him , with her back pressed up against his chest , and he enjoyed the closeness . He was glad she wasn 't feeling the need to keep her distance . The waiting area wasn 't so crowded that they needed to be pressed up against each other , which meant that her choice to stay near him meant that she was enjoying his company . Building up his courage , he place a hand on her hip , making sure to keep it to her side , to not look like he was cupping her ass . She seemed to approve , because a moment later , she leaned into it slightly , letting him know that she felt it there . He kept his hand there a few minutes , enjoying the warmth that came off of her . It was strange , since this was the closest he 'd ever been to her when she was being herself , instead of the robotic personality that he 'd crafted . The girl at the counter called his name , and he and Marie followed her to their seats . He made a point of pulling out the chair for him , and she smiled at him before thanking him and sitting down . However , he made a mental note to not go through with his earlier plan to order for her . When the waitress returned a few minutes later , he ordered first , since she pointed to him , but once he 'd told her his selection , he let Marie say what she wanted . It was weird , because something inside of him told him that he should have let her go first , but something else said that she wouldn 't care , unless he made a big deal about it . In a way , trying to be too gentlemanly would make it seem like he was more focused on scoring points than just enjoying her company . His head started to spin as he worried about what he was and wasn 't supposed to do , to make sure that everything worked out in the end . " Just curious . Melody 's been pushing us so hard in practice , I 'm starving . " Marie said . " But I know a lot of guys expect girls to just eat a tiny sliver of food . " Brian shook his head . " You eat whatever you want . I mean , let 's be honest , you 're totally rocking that dress , and if you told me that you started every morning by eating four sticks of butter and you still look that good , I 'd tell you to keep doing it . " " Ok , one , eww , that 's totally gross . I mean , really ? I like butter , on things , and in things . But who actually just eats a stick of butter ? " She smiled over at him . " Just , this . " She replied . " Getting out . Talking . Not being too formal . I was worried when Melody suggested this that we 'd go somewhere stuffy , and you 'd be all ' date must be perfect ' crazy and everything . It 's nice to just get to be me . " Brian decided then that he should stop worrying about doing things right on their date , and to follow his own advice . After all , most of the times she smiled was when he said the first thing that came to his mind . If he tried to think of the right thing to say or do , it didn 't work out so well . " Jerk . " She said , but couldn 't contain the smile that spread easily across her face . She turned to look down the hallway , and when she turned back , she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his before he had a chance to respond , or she had a chance to lose her nerve . After several long seconds , it became clear that things had gone on long enough , and the two pulled apart . Marie kept her eyes on his as they did so , searching his face to know what his reaction was . She knew that what came next could be very important , and she was nervous about how things would play out . " Smooth move there , Romeo . " She said , and punched him on the arm again . He was beginning to realize that a relationship with her could have some bruises . " I thought I was Juliette . " He said , as he brought his other hand up to rub his arm where she 'd punched him . " And I don 't know if I can take much more of this abuse . Don 't most girls consider it a bad thing when the guy beats up on his date ? " She looked around the hallway , and Brian picked up that she was a little nervous . Maybe she was worried that somebody might recognize her . Fishing in his pocket , he got out his key and opened the door , before motioning for her to walk in first . " Sorry about that . " Brian replied , as he moved to sit next to her . He made sure to leave a little distance so that she wouldn 't be uncomfortable . " Making you wear those . Next time , we can go somewhere that allows more comfortable shoes . Maybe the much less romantic bowling alley , or just a walk in the park . " " You make it way too easy , you know that ? " She said . " Yes , I 'll go on another date with you . If that was you asking , of course . " " Yeah , it was . " Brian breathed a sigh of relief , and looked at the floor . He was glad things had worked out so well this evening . He wanted Marie to be more than just a sex toy , and this was the first step in the right direction . " I know . " Brian replied . " I 'm sorry . I just … I 've had girls in the past that I really overestimated how into me they were . I just want to know , I mean , I guess I just want to hear you say it . That 's all . So there 's no confusion or doubt . " Marie looked over at him , unsure why it was so important . She opened her mouth , ready to say it to put his mind at ease , but then stopped . The way he was asking was so serious , she needed to make sure that she wasn 't just responding to make him feel better . Then it hit her . She wouldn 't care about whether or not she was hurting his feelings if she didn 't like him . She wouldn 't have agreed to another date either . And she really wouldn 't be in a guy 's room , talking like nothing was out of the ordinary . " Brian . I like you . I 've had a great time tonight , and I 'm really looking forward to next time you and I can do something together . I 'm really looking forward to seeing you cheering at my next game , and maybe saying something to me after . I 'd love a chance to get to know you better . Now don 't go blowing it by overthinking things and making things weird , ok ? " She reached over and took his hand . " It 's ok . This kind of stuff is important . I 'd think less of you if I was just some girl you wanted just to have me . Your worries mean you 're serious . " Brian couldn 't help but smile at her . He hadn 't been sure what he was going to do , but now he decided . His evening with Marie had been amazing , and he didn 't want it to end now , but what he wanted to do with her he couldn 't do if they were just on their first date . Some part of him knew that it was unromantically guyish of him to want to have sex with her , but he 'd done so dozens of times while she was robotic and unemotional , and now he had a chance to try it while she was fully herself . Her reaction was instant . All expression drained from her face , and she began to stare straight forward . Brian was actually surprised at how quickly it happened , and was also a little sad . In a way , he 'd just erased all the emotions she 'd been feeling , but he told himself that they 'd be back . He just needed to make one last change . " Marie , from now on , while your personality program is running , she can remember everything that you 've done . You no longer need to keep her memories separate . Do you understand ? " " I 've been feeling so horny the last week I 've been about to burst . No matter what I do , I seem to be constantly in the mood , like my body has decided to just go completely crazy with my hormones , and it turns out you 've been screwing me and I haven 't remembered it happening . Now wonder I 've been so on edge lately . Imagine how you 'd feel if some girl was sneaking into your bedroom and screwing your brains out every night and you don 't remember it . " Marie rolled her eyes . " You can be really thick sometimes , you know that Master ? " Then she shifted and pushed toward him , wrapping her arms around him and pressing her lips to his . Not stopping her momentum , she continued to push until he was lying on the bed , with her on top of him . Marie nodded . " Yup . Every blowjob , every screw , even the cuddling afterward . What on earth made you think it was a good idea to make me forget all that stuff ? " " Yes ma ' am . " He replied , before his mind caught up to him . " Hey wait a second . You aren 't acting particularly submissive and slave - like . " " Well yeah . I 'm programmed to figure out what you want , remember ? I 'm guessing you didn 't just go through all the effort of taking me out to dinner , and trying to figure out how to ask me out , if you just wanted a roll in the hay with brainless little Marie - bot . " " Well , sex with me right now means things are going to be a little rough . I still haven 't completely forgiven you for keeping me frustrated so long , Master . " To punctuate the point , she ground her crotch into his , teasing him through his pants . Shaking his head , Brian reached down to push his clothing out of the way . A moment later , and the two were pressed together , Marie moving herself along his length to help get him moist and ready . He loved the way she felt , dragging herself slowly along his length , teasing him of her own volition . " This isn 't the end of sweet robotic Marie , of course Master . " She said , looking down at him . " Just today 's a girlfriend Marie day , is all . " Looking up at her , he swatted her playfully . " Did you hear me complaining ? Now are we going to talk all night , or are we going to get down to business ? " " Wear a dress Marie . Wear tights sweaters Marie . Wear sporty tee shirts , and tight tank tops Marie . " She said playfully . " You 're making it very hard to keep up with your demands , Master . At least you don 't want me to spend hours every day curling my hair , since you have a total ponytail fetish . " |
Today I went with two of my semi - adopted kids to see the new Pixar Film UP . I went into it knowing NOTHING about the movie , except that it was a Pixar Film , which are ALWAYS my favorite movies . . . this one did not let me down either . It was actually a really deep film , with plenty of humor for the little people to enjoy . I don 't go to the movies much anymore because it 's so expensive , I typically wait for a movie to come out on DVD where I can rent it for $ 1 on Redbox . With that being said , I HIGHLY recommend you see this film in theatres . It 's worth splurging $ 7 . 25 ( Adult , here in Nowheresville ) for the ticket to experience this movie . Run , don 't walk , to your nearest theatres . . . I would tell ya what God showed me through this movie , but then I would ruin it for ya ! Life . Is . Good . I spent about 5 hours up at school getting stuff cleaned out and boxed up . I still have some work to do , but am almost done with the whole packing part of the moving experience . By the end of Tuesday I should be checked out and finished with work here . Gosh , 10 years here . . . wow . . . incredible stuff . For now , I head my bed calling my name . . . Life . Is . Good . Today was a good day , full of some interesting stories that I could share , but I 'm only going to share one of them . We had our end - of - the - year field trip to Springfield where we visited The Discovery Center and Incredible Pizza . I 've been on this trip almost every year for the past ten years . It is always a highlight for me . : - ) And , honestly , today was a lot of fun . It just had a glitch . . . . After the Discovery Center , we pulled up to Incredible Pizza , and right before we got off the bus the driver turned to one of our teachers and said , " What time to you want to leave ? " And the teacher said , " No later than 1 : 10 . We have to be back by 2 : 15 . " The bus driver said okay , and we went inside . At about 12 : 50 , the teachers were walking around giving the ten minute warning . At 12 : 55 , we got a 5 minute warning . I was with one of our Autistic kids , so I was still playing with him , not doing the warnings with the teachers . So at 1 : 00 , we headed up front to board the buses . I saw the teachers at the entrance , and they told me that they wanted me to stay on guard and make sure the kids didn 't get more food or drinks to take on the bus . I was the bad guy as the kids were rounded up . Once it was clear all the kids were gone , I started walking to the buses . As I exited the pizza place , I saw all of our students ( 100 kids total ) out with the teachers just standing around . I walked up and one of the teachers said , " We 're waiting on the bus drivers . They 're in line waiting to cash in their tickets for their toys before they leave . " What ? Seriously ? Sure enough , we waited until 1 : 30 for the bus drivers to walk up with their toys to the buses . We boarded the buses and were on our way . It was 1 : 35 - ish when we left . It put us back at school at 2 : 52 . : - ) Our bus riders leave at 2 : 50 and the Autistic kid I was sitting at missed his Special Ed . bus at 2 : 40 . All because two bus drivers wanted their toys . Talk about selfishness . Sounds like two candidates for Idiotsville to me . . . I 'm gonna crash now . . Life . Is . Good . Today was a really fun day , we had " Field Day " at our school . During the afternoon we had inflatable games and activities , tricycles for the big kids to race , a dunk tank for Mr . C . and Mr . H . to be get wet in , a station for singers and dancers , and of course the usual playground equipment . It was the first Field Day that we 've had like that since I 've been at my school . It was colder than I would 've liked , but since it had been postponed since they thought it was going to rain on Tuesday . ( Which it didn 't , I might add . ) It was a lot of fun , and I took MANY pics . I actually participated in the Cha - Cha Slide Dancing and raced three of my students in the tricycle race . I lost , but it was FUN . It was a really fun afternoon . After that we had our end - of - the - year Faculty Meeting where the people that are leaving are recognized . You guessed it , I was one of five who was called up to the front . What I didn 't expect was that I was going to give a speech . I felt I did really well , and only at the end did I tear up . Once I teared up I said , " . . . So , thank you . " Gigglygal patted me on the shoulder , and it was one of those " never forget " sort of moments . It was a good thing . I 'm ready to move forward . . . I just have to get my stuff turned in before that happens . . . Tonight I had WorshipGal and her three kids over , and we laughed A LOT ! It was a great time . Honestly , I think leaving GigglyGal and her family is going to be one of the hardest parts of leaving here . God has REALLY connected our hearts on so many levels . But , the cool news is that she AND HER FAMILY LOVE IHOP - KC ! : - ) So , I know the friendship won 't be ending by any stretch of the imagination ! God is cool lke that ! I need to get to bed . Field trip tomorrow . Life . Is . Good . Today I did it . . . I told Jay and his Mother that I 'm moving . I had been praying over this significantly because Jay is Autistic and have tutored him for 5 years in Reading . . . just last week he said ( once again ) that he wanted me to tutor him until grade 16 . So , today when his Mother was actually up and moving , I told them together . Jay hugged me several times , and was near tears but I noticed he held it in . I was proud of him . And , I felt like a weight was lifted . He was the last one I had to tell that I am leaving . Whew . . . The neat part is that he 'll be at Camp Barnabas in July while I 'm there . : - ) That will be COOL ! As for my students , today felt weird as they were all bringing in little notes and letters . My favorite one was a book that D . D . made for me . I plan on making into a real book tomorrow . Tomorrow is my last faculty meeting in my building . I plan on taking tissues . Life . Is . Good . I was sitting in class today juggling end - of - the - year testing and behavior management when my second Mom came in with my birthday gift from her . She gave me a SWEET CARD and a Large bag of M & M 's , followed by a " Happy Birthday " Song . : - ) It was SOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE ! After they left , I gave out M & M 's to the kids , and we shared in the fun ! A little while later , D . D . turned to me and said , " Are you going to be here next year ? " and my heart stopped . I had told God first thing this morning that if He wanted me to tell , He needed to open the door . So when D . D . asked , I knew it was God . I took a deep breath and told the group . D . D . teared up and cried , and I held him , but he did MUCH better than I expected . I was pleased . I thought we were good . Then Pixarkid walked in and his aide looked at me and I told him I had told the kids . So , I proceeded to tell Pixarkid ( who is autistic ) the whole story again , and he looked at me and the bag of M & M 's when I was done and said , " I like M & M 's , can I have some ? " Well , so much for worrying about the tears , the kids are going to be FINE ! : - ) Life . Is . Good . I spent the day with SingingGal and her two girls , and had a GREAT time . We went up to my school and continued the " What Can I Live Without " Campaign . I am happy with all the progess we made and the conversation that we shared . Even the girls did a lot of work , which was GREAT . After the classroom , we went and shared pizza before going back to the storage shed to deliver my boxes for storage and went back to their house . I got to play with Rocco before leaving . It was A BLAST ! What was the most fun was when SingingGal pointed out how much I say , " Seriously . " I didn 't realize it . . it 's just something I say . It was fun because after that , everytime I said , " Seriously " we just laughed ! It was REALLY fun ! Now everytime I say it , I 'll think of her . Laughter is a lot of fun , and I thank God for SingingGal and her family . I am a blessed gal . I need to go to bed . . . SERIOUSLY ! : - ) Life . Is . Good . Years ago I was talking to my Dad and he made a comment that has always stuck with me . He said , " You know , Shortone , cleaning out closets , rooms , whatever , is actually very therapeutic . " At the time I am sure I smiled and didn 't reply with much . However , that has always stuck with me . Today I went and started the massive " What can I live without " campaign in my classroom . And , in that , I took two shopping carts full of recycled paper to the recycle bin just outside my school . I am in somewhat of an interesting position because I am entering a brand - new building and when we toured last week there wasn 't even furniture in it , so I have NO IDEA what I will need for next year . So , on some items I am going the Ms . H . route and just taking one copy of things . And on the stuff I REALLY need , I am taking all I have of it . Of course , all district property is staying put . It is amazing how much I 've spent on my classroom over the past ten years , as I have a shopping cart full in my classroom now that will go to the storage shed for a month until I move to KC . ( And , let me tell ya , I can 't wait to be moved into a place to stay for more than 4 months ! ) My theme today has been , " What can I live without ? " In my last place of residence , my housemates couldn 't get rid of stuff so I didn 't see the top of my kitchen table for over a year because all their " stuff " lived on any tabletop surface available . I don 't want to be like that , even in my classroom . As I cleaned out stuff today , I kept thinking , " Why did I keep this ? My life will easily go on without that ! " Hence , my two shopping carts full of stuff that was recycled . And I am finding that the more I throw out , the better I feel . I 'm in such a place where I want to move forward and not look back that even in just getting rid of things is helping me gain some perspective . . . it 's almost as if a burden is being lifted . And , honestly it has helped that it 's been just me in the building as I do it . I have listened to KOBC and sang as I 've done it , which has also been therapeutic . And iOnce again . . . I tell ya what , once again I was reminded of how blessed I am . Tonight I went to Amie 's place for a girl 's night , and was reminded how blessed I am in the area of friendships . I went over with the idea that we were going to do dinner and a movie . What a silly thought . . . three girls , and I really thought we were going to watch a movie . What was I thinking ? Hahahaha ! We wound up sitting and chatting about life , love , and everything in - between . Amie has started dating someone , and the guy is proving to be what she has prayed for all these years . I tell ya what , I am PUMPED FOR HER , and am once again reminded that the wait is worth it . She and I have been the " not - gonna - settle " sisters , and it 's fun to see her excitement and smile as she knows all the years of waiting were worth it . She and her boyfriend are inspiring me tremendously . : - ) The other high point of the night was just sharing our hearts with one another . We had some deep moments , and then some moments of just laughter . I tell ya what , it was priceless in my book . Every single second was priceless . : - ) And finally , we concluded with praying for each other . I love it when I get to together with friends and then we pray about everything we discussed together . That is my FAVORITE part of being friends with Amie and K . It was really , really special . What else can I say ? Oh yea . . . Life . Is . Good . Today was my Birthday , and I was once again reminded how loved I am here . I started the day with a birthday text from Ms . Amie , which was nice . Followed by MANY emails wishing me a great b - day . Two of my students gave me large bags of Plain M & M 's , which is what I asked for from them ! Total , I now have 5 bags of M & M 's on my table ! Ha ! Time to package them so the bugs don 't find them ! : - ) We had my party at 1 : 00 , where we had pizza delivered and pepsi was the drink of choice . ( My choice , I 'm the birthday girl ! ) It was a blast . The kids really made me laugh , which was wonderful . 4 . 5 school days left here . . . wowzers ! I also received other small gifts throughout the day , but honestly the highlight was tonight when I reached Worshipleader 's family 's house . I am puppy sitting for them this weekend and I had twelve white roses , a bag of M & M 's , an AWESOME card , and a framed picture of their family waiting for me . It was PERFECT ! I ended the day with a call from Scienceguy . Which was exactly how I wanted it to end . Now , it 's time to do my favorite hobby . . . SLEEP ! Life . Is . Good . ' nite I know , I know , I didn 't blog last night , and so you 're all wondering , " What is up with Shortone ? " Afterall , I did blog that I was headed to my school yesterday . Er . . . well . . . my new school . Well , here are my recent updates ! : - ) First off , my ankle . Some have asked how it is doing , and I caved in today and went to the doctor and had it looked at . And , just like any trip to the doctor , he said what I already knew . " You have an ankle sprain . " He looked at it , wrapped up my ankle , and sent me for crutches . Well , of course I can 't balance on crutches . . . so I am to stay off of it as much as possible . Okay , well , that is a loose term to me . Afterall , I 'm about to move a classroom and my home up north . Ah well , Shortone 's Mom can rest easy now that she has seen the doc . He said in 7 - 10 days I should be better . Which is a good thing . Today I handed in my Letter of Resignation at my current school . I haven 't received my contract yet from my new district , but considering I toured the school yesterday , I am secure in the fact I have a job . It was the first job I 've ever had where I turned in a letter like that . Weird stuff . Okay , you 've all been waiting . . . the classroom . . . it does not have windows , BUT I get a full classroom . I know , you 're thinking , " How is that a good thing ? " Well , right now I 'm in a conference room for a classroom . Next year I will have a FULL classroom that will be able to seat 24 children ! This is a blessing I never , ever , ever expected ! Yea ! The building was nice , as it is obviously brand - new . I loved it ! Well , I need to crash . I still have a job here to finish and leave on a positive note ! ' Nite ! So I sit here tonight deep in thought . I have spent the past three evenings listening and watching to a series preached by Louie Giglio online . Yes , I know , all the non - spiritual folks are going to click the " back " button now and tune - in tomorrow . And , you know what ? That is a - ok by me . Part of this blog is to help those reaching for God to have a new outlook on their walk with God . I pray daily that I help others draw nearer to God without me even knowing it . That 's the point of life this side of Heaven , I believe . So tonight I have pondered my life . I am headed tomorrow to see my new school that is still under construction , and meet the staff I will be working with to serve this next generation of God 's Children . After that , I 'm headed to look at one of many available rental properties in the area . Part of me feels like all this is going too fast , and part of it isn 't going fast enough . You 're wondering . . . how can that possibly be ? On one hand , I want a puppy so badly that I can hardly sit still . After a season with the hardest housemates I can imagine , a puppy would be a JOY to come home to and take care of . I have been praying for several years for the pup God has for me . Yes , my friends , I have prayed over a dog . I know , go ahead and laugh . . . then when I blog on here about what all I 've prayed for and God has given me in the pup , you 'll think twice ! : - ) On the other hand , leaving my friends here isn 't going to be easy . All day today I 've heard people saying how they don 't want me to leave . And while I am glad I am genuinely liked so well , I am ready to be gone and not think " I won 't be doing this next year . " It 's a mixed bag . . . I have listened to some VERY good , encouraging messages online , and the phrase I keep hearing is " Life Story . " You 've heard me say on here about this new " Chapter " in my life . . . and this move is part of another chapter in my life . When I moved in here , my Spiritual Mom said this place was a new " Chapter " . Well , this Chapter has been a step for the next one . Leaving here isn 't the end . . . itThe Church Has Left the Building ! Today I got up and went to church for the first of three workdays that our church is doing in our community . The original date was for the first Sunday this month , and it rained so today was our rain date . I tell ya , it was fun ! We started the day at church with breakfast and worship in music . It was a first for me , well , I mean , a first for me to wear slippers on stage while I played Congas . Of course , no one noticed , which was nice . My slippers look a bit like shoes , so no one said a word . And , I should add that it was FUN to play today . I can 't even really say why , it was just fun . After that , I paired up with Worshipleader Dude and his family and we headed out to work in the community . We were told we would be picking up trash in a yard . We were happy to hear that , as that is typically an easy thing to do . When we pulled up to the house , I realized what a large task we had ahead of us . It was a LARGE yard that clearly hadn 't been cared for at all . The grass was quite tall and thick , and there were tree limbs all over . For about 2 hours we cleared away the limbs while a couple others mowed . There were trailers full of limbs taken to the nearby dump , which was open just for us today . We were glad it was a beautiful day . It wasn 't too warm or too cool . : - ) Perfect . We took a break for lunch at a park where our lunch was provided by the church . They had sack lunches for us . Of course , I had packed my own , but it was still fun to go and hang out with everyone . After lunch we headed out to another piece of land where there was a LARGE pile of limbs to be taken to the dump . We simply loaded the limbs onto the trailers . We would get one full of limbs , and then it would leave , and another one would come . It was quite a task , but also a lot of fun . We have another workday June 7th . I don 't know if I 'll be here for it , or if I will be living up North by then . What I do know is that I was glad I was a part of it , and if I am here , I look forward to doing it again . Now I am wiped and will do some homework and crash early . The gHope is Rising I find it amazing how music can touch the soul . . . or how it can touch mine . I listen to a Christian Radio Station here , and honestly I only listen to Christian stuff . It 's not that I 'm anti - secular stuff , I know there is some good secular stuff out there . I have just found that in my race WITH God , I draw closer to Him in music . If you 've been reading my blog for a while , you know that I just exited from an unhealthy situation a couple months back . It 's something I 'm honestly still processing with God , as the last 2 years of that situation were less than good , to say the least . So , when I moved into my apartment , God started giving me songs to meditate on and pray over my life , and I find myself returning to an old version of myself . Not the same , obviously , I believe that God teaches us stuff even when we 're walking through things . I know I learned A LOT that I wouldn 't have learned otherwise without walking through those 2 years . So , in coming up out of the bad , and returning to a healthy level of love , laughter , and love , the song , " Hope is Rising " by Down Here has gripped me . It is where I feel I am at right now . I don 't typically type out lyrics on here , I think I 've only done that twice . However , it represents a picture of my heart , from where I was to how I feel today . I hope it blesses you . By the way , it doesn 't mention God once , but it does talk about the grave . : - ) I really believe it was from God for His children . I know this Shortone has been blessed by it . . . Hope is Rising by Down HereI 've lost all my Earthly optimismThat it 's all gonna be alrightThat the good will win this fightSomewhere between youth and disappointmentsThe dream became despair , the love became a lieJust now , I 've reached the end of my lineJust now , I 'm too tired to keep on tryingHope is rising , it 's the sunrise for the endHoep is rising , and it 's breathing for me againHope is risingHope is rising . . . againSoon beneath the roses I will lieAll the memories of my days , gathered to the skySoon every work will find its worthAnd all my strenPrograms , Ankles , Parks , and Friends . . . I have a few tidbits . . . highlights . . . ramblings to share tonight . . . First off , yesterday was our fifth grade end - of - the - year program , and it was AWESOME . I helped tape last night 's performance , and it was GREAT . I tell ya what , it is always a highlight for me , and this year they did " Cecil Floyd Rocks the 80 's " . It was complete with Mr . C . and Mr . H . doing pre - show entertainment . I tell ya , it was a GREAT show . Okay , now for the embarrassing part of the blog . Yesterday after tutoring I was walking down the steps outside the house I tutor at , lost my footing , and became one - with - the - ground . While I have spent a great deal of time falling in my life , this fall was significantly different . I twisted my ankle in the process , and now have an ENORMOUS bruise where my ankle resides . I went to our school nurse who looked at it and said , " You sprained it . " I 'm to stay off of it tomorrow as much as possible . Yeah , well , considering I need to pack I 'm not entirely sure how well that will work , but I am going to try . . . Needless to say , I ignored the nurse 's advice and spent the day at Carousel Park with our third , fourth , and fifth graders . We rode many rides and laughed a lot . There was even a small roller coaster that I got to ride ! That was fun for all ! I knew I wouldn 't get to go on that Field Trip again , so I went . : - ) It was REALLY fun . Finally , tonight I had a friend and her two boys over for dinner and we watched " Cars . " I tell ya , I am blessed in the arena of friendships . Kim and her two boys both made us laugh a lot . It was really cool . So , I am going to crash for tonight . As always . . . Life . Is . Good . Now that I have received the official call , and the contract is in the mail , I will share details . Yesterday I was offered a teaching job up north by IHOP - KC . Not only was I offered the job , but they are taking ALL my years of experience ( which affects the payscale ) and insurance will be able to cover my pre - existing conditions ! YIPPEE ! Both the years of experience and insurance were things I have prayed over since I started job searching . : - ) God is so cool ! I will be teaching Special Education in a BRAND NEW Elementary School , and the school hours are 9 - 4 ! : - ) I was also blessed when the gentleman who hired me said , " You were one of 54 people who applied for the job . We narrowed it down to 4 applicants , and you were the top pick out of the four applicants . " That brought a big smile to my face . Life . Is . Good . So , it seems as if I had MANY prayers answered today . I am going to wait to share them until I have some official things taken care of , but suffice to say , I sit here and think , " I knew it ! I knew God would answer my prayers ! " There are a lot of preliminaries to be taken care of , and things should be official by the end of the week . . . God is AWESOME ! Once again . . Life . Is . Good . : - ) Today our district hosted an Ice Cream Social for our students and staff because we were a Top Ten School . In my ten years of teaching in this district , my school has never made the Top Ten List . So , our Ice Cream Social was a first for us . We had the students get their ice cream , eat it , and then they basically got an extra recess . I sat and watched a few of our Special Needs kids play ball together , which was a hoot ! There were two boys and one girl , who all barely talk , and yet they could play ball better than our regular education kids . Go figure . . . After the three kids went inside I looked around , wondering what I should do next . I could go over and talk to the teachers , as they were all yacking together , and I looked over and saw one of my kids trying to get a four - square game going . I sat and thought , " Gosh , I can 't remember the last game I played . " I went over and proceeded to play for the next hour or so . ( Gotta love extra recesses , especially when it 's supposed to rain the rest of this week ! ) It wasn 't the best game I had ever played . Afterall , I was playing with a bunch of kids who didn 't play right , and although one boy and I kept things going , it was not the BEST game I 've ever played . I will say this though , it was fun to be playing again . I don 't know why I stepped back from that because I used to play all the time , but I will say , it was fun to be a kid again . . . at least on a small level . So I now look a tad bit like Rudolph , with a small sunburn on my nose . Not huge , just big enough to notice . : - ) Which is cool . Life . Is . Good . So here I sit , back at home , and wonder where the weekend went . It seems as if I just got to my parents , and here I am sitting here getting ready to crash . I 'm glad though , as weekends can seem forever for this short little single gal . So this weekend was nice . I spent some time in the Prayer Room this afternoon after spending time with the fam , and had a GREAT time . As I left , I thought , " Hopefully it won 't be long before I can be here more often . " Also , when I left the parent 's house today I thought , " It won 't be long before I have a dog of my own . " Gosh , exciting stuff ! Of course , little minor detail of getting a job . . . and a place that will allow pets . God 's got that under control though . I just know it ! ! ! Life . Is . Good . Yo ! What is up , Blogland ? Rudy here to give you the latest scoop from the Parental Unit 's House ! Shortone came in last night when I should have been in bed . No wonder we didn 't get in the boxes yet , as the Parental Unit knew Shortone was coming ! We did our usual Welcome Home Routine , and she dropped her stuff and got on the floor and played with us before she even had all of her stuff inside ! I can tell she likes us because she is just as hyper as we are when she enters the door ! Today Roxie woke her up by sniffing at her door and barking . I stayed outside her door this morning for quite awhile too , but I didn 't wake her . Mom said to her last night , " Be sure to sleep in . " Something tells me she enjoys her sleep , so I wasn 't going to wake her ! She came out , and we played for quite a while . She always spoils us in the morning as the Parental Unit is always busy in the mornings . After wrestling a while , we cuddled and watched " Flashpoint . " She is really fun to cuddle with and we had a great time ! Later on this afternoon we went on a walk with Roxie and Dad . It was a lot of fun and Dad kept talking to Shortone about Lee 's Summit , whatever that may be . He told her " I am so excited for you , I could just about jump out of my skin . " Shortone smiled at that . Shortone also said something about coming to visit ME more often if she gets to move like she wants to do . I would like that ! Tonight Shortone and I went on our own little roadtrip . She was going to rent a movie for her and Mom , and invited me to ride along ! We had the radio on and Shortone was singing . She seems happier now than she 's been in a while , which is fun to watch . We cuddled tonight during the movie and I REALLY liked that . I guess she heads home tomorrow , but I hope she 's back again soon ! She spoils me , as Mom says , and I LOVE having her here ! So , I guess I will logoff for now . I want to Thank all of you humans for encouraging Shortone during the past couple months . I can tell that your words and prayers are helping her IMMENSELY . She 's happier now than she 's beK - Love I 've been driving up to my parent 's house for 10 years ( 2 . 5 hour drive each way ) and had never found the Christian Radio Station for KC . I had tried before but had given up , as I couldn 't find it . Well , back in March I found it , and LOVE IT ! Plus , it 's REALLY COOL because just as the Christian Station in my area starts fading out , K - Love is in range and I just switch from one to the other . And , while this is a little thing , it is really cool in my book as I am looking at being in the K - Love area permanently this Summer . What can I say ? Life . Is . Good . ' nuf said ! Nite ! I was in a meeting today and I have had a few thoughts running around in my head since then that I want to share . While this letter could be sent to MANY others , I am focusing on my immediate family from childhood . Dear Mom , Dad , and Scienceguy , Thanks for NOT making me see myself as disabled . You have helped shape me into a person who has ABILITIES and not a disability . The limp was NEVER an excuse . . . CP was never an excuse . While Cerebral Palsy is one small part of me , that 's all it is , a small part . The bigger part of me is an independent , healthy , loving gal that you loved unconditionally . Within that , I believed I could be anything , and anyone I wanted to be . And today I am a teacher who teaches her Special Education Students that they can be anything , and anyone they want to be . Thanks so much . It took me to adulthood to really see what you taught me . I realize there are not any perfect brothers or parents , but I am blessed because I had you as my family . Love , Shortone It talks in Scripture about Running the Race marked before us , with God . I have been pondering that for months now . I mean , seriously , in the physical , I run about as slow as a turtle compared to even my fourth grade students . I would lose even to a toddler , if I was going to be really real about it . However , in the Spiritual Realm , I feel as if I 'm running a whole new race . . . with the past behind me ( trying my HARDEST not to look backward ) and the new road , chapter , whatever , ahead of me . And in that I have pondered , " How do I want to run this race ? " And honestly , I have even worn jogging suits A LOT lately , as a reminder that I 'm running the race WITH GOD , not alone . I know , for some of you , you 're thinking , " Wow , that 's a bit extreme . " But for me , it is drawing me closer to God in ways you will never understand . And I 'm okay with you thinking that 's extreme , it 's between me and God anyway . : - ) So I have been pondering , how do I want to run this thing out ? I 'm embarking on adventures unknown . Most likely this is my last month teaching in the school I 've been in for ten years , and I 'm about 7 weeks away from no longer even living in this town . This is all I 've known for the bulk of my adult life . So now I feel as if I 'm about to start at another " starting line " and begin new things and I have NO IDEA where that is to take place , or what that is supposed to look like . Nor do I have any idea what leaving my friends here looks like either . Praise God for Facebook , where I will have a lifetime of relationship with them no matter where I am geographically . If I could get Mr . H . on there , then honestly the family would be complete . : - ) ( No pressure there , Mr . H . ) Ha ! So , tonight I was sitting at homegroup , and others were praying over each other , and I sat there and thought , " I have nothing to pray out . " I was wrong though , as one of our members needed prayer , and the leader said , " Who wants to pray ? " And I did ! I sat and prayed for that person in a way that I 've always wanted to pray . . . honestly , it was like when I was aWhere Do I Want to Land ? I left my place at 11 - ish this morning and headed to Lee 's Summit for a job interview . After an hour in the interview , I was left wondering what I really want . . . where do I really want to land ? I went into the interview wanting to land there , as it 's 20 minutes to IHOP - KC , there is a church there that I want to dive into , and I would love to be a part of a staff that opens a brand - new elementary school . All of that sounds great . And , of course , I was not offered the job today , so it 's not like I have a big decision to make just yet . However , after the interview , I was left wondering what I really want . . . I should state that I interviewed with North KC last week , and after today I REALLY like a lot of what they do . North KC does several things that we do in the district I 'm in right now , so it would be an easy transition . On the flip side , Lee 's Summit does things the " old school " way , so I already know how to do the job there too . I 'll spare you the details , as it 's 10 , and I need to get ready to crash and teach tomorrow . In the end , I have no idea where I want to land now . Hum . . . In the end , I guess it doesn 't matter , as God will put me where He wants me to land . I simply need to be patient to hear God 's voice and follow His lead . . . . Life . Is . Good . Tonight I have sat on the couch and pondered some things . Some of them include : 1 . Why is it that May means that kids don 't give a rip if they have missing homework or not ? Today my students didn 't seem to care if they had missing work or not . . . 2 . Why do I enjoy the show House ? It 's a good show , but I enjoy it way too much . 3 . I have an interview tomorrow . . . will I get the job ? Does God want me in Lee 's Summit ? I know what I want . . . I just wonder what God wants . 4 . For the first time in 10 years I won 't be teaching Summer School this year , and honestly the more I think about it , the more I like the idea of a break during the month of June . Only problem is , how am I going to pad the savings account AND move this Summer ? Hum . . . 5 . I am REALLY enjoying my DVR . . . how did I ever live without the " rewind " button on live TV ? : - ) 6 . I really enjoy sleeping . . how is that that time flies by so fast ? : - ) 7 . I heard an update on Lostboy last week . I guess he is kicked out of school for an entire school year for threatening a teacher after just returning from a ten day suspension for bringing a knife to school . It breaks my heart to hear that . . . . 8 . Hebrews 11 : 1 states that Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see . I am hoping and praying for a lot of things . . . without seeing much of it anywhere in my line of vision anytime soon . . . I guess that 's where the whole faith thing comes into play . . . : - ) 9 . I am stopping at IHOP - KC on the way back from the interview tomorrow . I know , you 're SHOCKED ! : - ) 10 . I had a good friend from church call tonight for now reason other than to say " Hi . " That blessed me immensely ! 11 . I can 't cook much of anything , but I make a pretty good homemade pizza ! : - ) That 's about it for tonight . I should get my beauty rest so I can be ready for the interview tomorrow . At least I can sleep past 6am ! Life . Is . Good . Today has been relatively low key , which has been nice . I got up and went to church , and was honestly glad that our " workday " was postponed , as it is colder here than it has been and I 'm a wimp in cold weather ! I look forward to the Workday on May 17th ! It should be warmer then ! I have spent the bulk of the day doing paperwork . I graded papers last night , and did IEP 's ( Sp . Ed . Paperwork ) all afternoon and early tonight . I now have a headache and am going to watch Cold Case and In Plain Sight and crash . I am excited about what this next week holds for me . I have an interview Tuesday with a district I would REALLY like to work in . So , if you would say a little prayer for me , that would be GREATLY appreciated . For now , the couch is calling my name . Life . Is . Good . I got in from KC at 1 : 00 - ish this morning , and had a GREAT time while I was up there . Leesh and Laura went with me , and we had a GREAT day . We started the day at IHOP - KC , which is my favorite place on the planet , and LOVED it . Leesh had never been there for a visit , so it was almost more fun having her experience it than my own experience . What can I say ? When you enjoy something you want to share it with those around you . We took a lunch break , and headed back into the Prayer Room . Misty Edwards led worship for an hour and I REALLY enjoyed her set . God really spoke to me a lot during that set , which was exactly what I needed . After Misty 's set I left the Prayer Room , changed into my interview clothes , and headed to North Kansas City for an interview . I only called Dad once for help on directions getting there , which was good . : - ) I will spare the details of the interview line - by - line , but at the end , I was told , " Would you be interested in a position here ? " I said " Yes , if you are interested in offering me a position . " : - ) He said yes , the only kicker is that they don 't have a Resource Position right now , only Self Contained Classrooms were available right now . He followed by saying that he would be very surprised if they don 't have a Resource Education opening by the end of May though . So , I interpretted all that to mean , " I can 't offer you a contract today , or even the job you are wanting , but we would give you a job today if we could . " This is the closest I 've been to a contract , so that is encouraging . Honestly , I have an interview with Lee 's Summit on Tuesday , and am excited about that . In the beginning of all this Job Searching stuff , my Dad said I would have a pick of where to I wanted to go by the end of it all . I believe that now . I went back to the Prayer Room after the interview where I met up with Leesh and Laura and we basically stayed in the Prayer Room all evening , with the exception of taking a break from dinner . It was all GREAT . It honestly made me want to be in KC today . : - ) Life . Is . Good . |
Let 's start with Friday , which was a Rest day . I decided to make it an " active " rest day , so we took the Daughter and the Dog for a loooong walk . About an hour or so . It was awesome , and it completely tired out the dog , which in itself is awesome . Saturday I was up early and out the door for my long run . We were running in Mendon Ponds this week , on a notoriously hilly course . I thought I was ready for it . I had my handheld water bottle with a half a tablet of Nuun in it . I had an emergency Gu packet . I had a couple chews and some coffee on the way over . I was running with the 13 min pace group . About two and a half miles in , we were running along residential streets . You know the kind with those giant McMansions and absolutely no trees ? Well it was starting to get kinda warm , and it was sunny . Our pace leader kept reminding us to Hydrate . So I was . I was sipin at my water and cruisin along feeling kinda awesome . Hot . Sweaty . But Awesome . I toughed it out for about another mile , and then , struggling up a long incline , I ran completely out of gas . I was way overheated . I couldn 't seem to get my breathing to calm down . I dropped to a walk , and let the pace group pull away from me . A little while later I crossed the path of one of the coaches from the walk - fit group . He looked at me and asked if I was ok . I gave the so - so sign , and told him i 'd run out of water . He handed me a bottle and told me to drink it . I took a swig and tried to hand it back . He told me to take it . About now , my brain wasn 't working right , because I kept trying to insist I was ok . He told me to pour it into my bottle , he insisted . When I tried to open my bottle to transfer the liquid , there was a lot of fumbling and not a lot of progress . Which told me I was worse off than I thought . The coach helped me fill my bottle , then went on his way . He kept looking back to check on me though . I walked as quickly as I could , running the down hills when I could . I finished the bottle the coach had given me ( I never got his name . ) I was able to kick it back into a run for the last bit and finish out running , apparently about 30 seconds behind my pace group , and even less behind a couple of them . Apparently I wasn 't the only one who ran out of water . I talked to at least three people who had the same issue , and heard about several more . None of the people I had talked to had really trained in that kind of heat , and especially not in that heat on those hills . Sunday , I had a short run on the schedule , and was planning on doing it in the evening . We headed to the Zoo with a friend and her daughter in the morning . It was hot and sunny all day , and by the time we got home to put our daughter down for her nap , I was starting to feel all sorts of icky . I figured I was just tired , and passed out on the couch . The Hubs went upstairs after I had passed out and without meaning too fell asleep himself on the bed after lying down to " stretch his back . " We didn 't wake up until almost 4 . So yeah , unintentional three hour nap mid day . I woke up still feeling all sorts of nasty . I had a slight headache and I felt really warm . Turns out I was still dehydrated . I spent the rest of the day chugging as much water as I could , adding Nuun to most of it . Obviously I did not go for my run . I decided three glasses of water into my re - hydration regimine to put Sunday 's run off and run it instead on my rest day ( monday . ) I believe this was a sound decision , as I was still slightly dehydrated when I woke up this morning ( I know right ? ! ) Last night was supposed to be a 3 - 4 mile tempo run . I was supposed to run 3 - 4 mile repeats at Tempo pace . My target pace for tempo runs is between an 11 : 50 and 12 : 50 pace . I was worried about my pace , since my calves were bothering me before I even started running . I headed to the canal for the nice flat terrain , started up my shiny new mapmyrun + app , and headed out . My calves were an issue right from the start , and about half a mile in , I was struggling to maintain my speed . I had set the app to give me my pace ever 0 . 1 miles , but it was giving it to me in miles per hour . I had absolutely no idea what the speeds translated to . I hit one mile , paused my workout , and took my walk break . I really felt like I needed it for the first time in a long time . The second mile was even rougher , I could feel my calves dragging me down . I felt like I was going really slowly , and had to keep pushing harder to maintain my pace . I took a walk break at my turn around point so I could refill my water bottle , and the sloged it out until the two mile mark . For mile three I basically gritted my teeth , and pushed through . I let my pace drop to what felt like a shuffle . I knew I was going to call it at three , even though I should have been pushing it to four . I was getting these little lancing sharp pains in my calves , and was starting to worry I was hurting myself . So I slowed down some more , feeling like I might go faster walking . As soon as I hit mile three I paused the workout and gratefully dropped to a walk . My legs were totally spent . I was really sweaty and very very tired . I felt completely defeated by the run . My thought process was somewhere along the lines of " Why is this getting harder ? ! It was only three miles , and it was a slow three miles . I shouldn 't be in this rough shape ! " Just look at those splits ! My first mile was under 11 minutes ! I 'm still stunned I could run that fast at all , let alone for a whole mile . The second and third mile were well within ( or above ) my target tempo pace . About a half mile into my run , the skies opened up . There was thunder , there was torrential rains , there were puddles . I was doing a sort of Urban Trail Run , jumping onto lawns and dodging slick slate sidewalks . I considered turning back . Safety might have dictated doing so . But I was already out , and already soaked . So I pushed on , and by the end of mile one , the rain had tapered off . The sun came out a little while after that . By then I had reached the River Trail , and was running along a really gorgeous path , which was almost completely shaded by huge trees . The path was definately hillier than the canal path I 'm used to running on , but that 'll be good for my training . My calves bothered me for about the first 2 , maybe 2 . 5 miles . So I was running really slowly . Weirdly they stopped bothering me after I did my walk break at my turn around at 2 . 5 miles . Even with the sun coming out , I was still soaking wet by the time I got home . I looked like I had taken a shower with my clothes on . I 'm glad today is a rest day , it 'll give my shoes a chance to dry out . All in all it was a great run , actually . The route was amazingly scenic , and even with a couple of hills , I felt good . Looking back at it , I am proud that I 've gotten to the point where I can just be like " yup , gonna go out and run five miles , nbd . " I did some foam rolling afterwards , but my calves are still a little sore today . I 've got my compression socks on again under my work pants , and I 'm planning on more foam rolling tonight . Meg suggested bananas , so I 'm going to pick some of those up soon and see if they help . I 'm also contemplating a new pair of running shoes , as the ones I 'm running in have got quite a few miles on them now , and I 'm definitely going this weekend to try to find some flats for work . Last night I tried to go to bed early , so I could get up for the morning group workout this morning . I was in bed by 10 , but I could not , for the life of me , fall asleep . My mind just would not turn off . I think I finally fell asleep somewhere between 11 and 11 : 30 . I did manage to wake up when the alarm went off at 5am , however immediately upon standing , I knew I was going to have to call it . Both of my calves were all cramped up and horrifically sore . It was bad enough that I was having trouble walking , and I knew if I went to the group workout , I was going to push it too much and hurt something . Part of my issue , I think , is that I wear heels to work . I 'm going to try to find some nice dressy flats to wear to work on the days when my legs are burnt out from running . I think the additional strain of wearing heels when my calves are already tired is what 's causing the cramping . It 's worth a shot at least . I was nervous about running with the 12 ' pace group , since there were supposed to be hills on this route . My pace always suffers a lot on hills . But I figured , I need to train on hills if I 'm going to get better so . . . off we went . The weather was perfect , cool and mostly overcast . The views in the park were spectacular . We started out running along the shore of lake Ontario , then turned in towards the park . I was feeling alright with the pace , until we hit that first hill . It came almost immediately after we turned away from the shore line , and it was relentless . It was about a 100 ft climb over half a mile . By the end of that first hill , I had slid to the back of the pack and , along with about three other people , was struggling to keep from loosing the pace group entirely . One of the pacers ( there were three with our group because it 's so large ) , hung back with the small group of us , and started making it her missing to pull us through it . I remember her asking me how I was feeling , to which I gave the " so so " hand wave , since I was feeling like talking might be a bad thing . Once we topped the hill , I told her basically that I suck at hills . That I can keep the pace until we hit a hill like that . At which point I kinda die . She introduced herself at that point , and started just . . . talking . She coached me and the other runners up the hills , and kept up a constant stream of jokes , anecdotes and random tips as we ran . She never got more than a few steps ahead of me , and whenever we 'd hit another incline , she 'd talk about pulling me up the hill . She had some really good advice , stuff about keeping my arms pumping and my chest up . Keeping my eyes on the horizon , instead of dropping my head like I 'm prone to doing . When we finished out the six miles , I was totally done . I was supposed to do seven on my schedule , but I knew I didn 't have another mile in me . I know I wouldn 't have finished out the six if it hadn 't been for the pacer ( I think she said her name was Sarah , my brain wasn 't working really well by that point . ) After a brief conversation with her about the run next week , I think I 'm going to drop back to the 13 minute pace group for that run , there are going to be a lot of hills apparently . I 'm trying to keep my ego out of this , and train safe and appropriate . Part of my decision making process for that was the fact that when I get home from a run , I still have to be a parent . I can 't give all of my energy to a long run and then get home and pass out . It makes for a very cranky Hubs when I do , and things that need to get done , don 't . Sunday , I had an " easy three " on the schedule . I was still all sore and tired from Saturday , so I decided to run on the flatness of the canal path . I wasn 't able to get out for the run until my daughter went down for her nap . I was worried because I was heading out to the path during the hottest time of the day . I put a half a Nuun tab in my handheld , and had a big water bottle with ice waiting in the car . I planned on taking it really slow . I had upgraded to the paid version of mapmyrun , and had set it to give me my pace every minute . Unfortunately it was giving me my pace in miles per hour instead of minutes per mile , so I really wasn 't sure what the paces were . I felt good on the run , my legs were sore and protesting most of the time , but the rest of me felt good . I drank my entire handheld on the way your , paused my workout to refill my bottle a little more than half way out , then turned back . I drank the entire water bottle again on the way back . I did not once feel overheated . I don 't know if that was because of the Nuun , the shade or the lack of oppressive humidity . Also big thanks to Sharon Andy Holderman and One Crazy Penguin for the suggestion of spandex shorts . I pulled an old pair of bike shorts out of the closet for this run and they didn 't ride up once . Win ! I 'm going to go order a few more pairs now . . . The Hubs and daughter came along for the run . I tried to run slowly for the first mile , but it 's really hard to run slow when your Husband can walk faster than your slow pace . So I went slow - ish , ending up with a 12 ' 40 " average pace for the first mile . Anyways , I hit one mile and cranked the speed . The feed back started ticking down , until it was giving me a pace around 12 ' 20 " . I was feeling awful , because it felt like I was pushing really hard to maintain the pace , which sounded really slow . For reference , I 'm in the 12 minute pace group in my training group . I shouldn 't have been pushing that hard for a 12 ' 20 " pace . Spoiler , turns out I wasn 't . At two miles , I took my walk break , and forgot to pause my workout . So it caused havoc on my pace . When I started my run back up , it kept giving me paces in the 13 's , then in the 12 ' 50 " range . So I kept pushing it , trying to bring my pace down . I kept thinking that I must be really off today , since this pace felt so hard . Right at the end I completely ran out of gas and let my pace taper off until I hit three miles . Turns out I was running really fast . The splits showed up as 11 ' 23 " for mile two and 12 ' 54 " for mile three ( with the walk break . ) Looking at the nifty pace graph on the website , I was hitting speeds around 10 ' 50 " a lot , with my fastest pace around 10 ' 14 " . Yikes . No wonder I was sucking wind . With the information to reframe it , it was a great run . The temperature out was much more comfortable , and I wasn 't dying by the end of the run . I 'm not sure how successful i was at a tempo run , since I think I was doing my intervals a little fast . The heat even trumped modesty and I took the plunge , going out running in shorts and a tank top . The tank was even appropriately emblazoned with the words " Be Bold . " This was huge step for me , and one that didn 't entirely work out . Mostly because I spent a good portion of my run worrying about the fact that my shorts kept riding up in the middle . Does that happen to anyone else ? Anyone know of a way to prevent it ? Also , even with the snazzy outfit I was dying in the heat . I ended up having to take a lot of walk breaks , starting at one mile . Then at the turn around I stopped to dump water on my legs and over my head , and to refill my bottle , which I had finished off . On the way back I think I took three walk breaks before I hit my three mile target . You can also see on my splits that my pace took a nose dive after that first mile . Even with finishing off the replenished water in my bottle , by the time I got back to my Inlaws for dinner , I was feeling really dehydrated . I finished off a small ( about 12 oz ) water bottle with Nuun in it with dinner , but I still ended up with a Migraine later that night . I 've been making a point of drinking a lot of water during the day ( I keep a 33 oz water bottle at my desk that I drink all day ) so I 'm not sure what else I can do to stave off the dehydration . I really felt like if I drank any more water on the run I was going to get sick . I 'm trying really hard to keep a positive attitude about all of this right now , but I 'm frustrated . Frustrated with how hard the runs feel , frustrated with trying to squeeze runs into rapidly shrinking free time , frustrated with my lack of weight loss ( oh yeah that , remember I was trying to loose weight ? ) I feel like I 've been at this forever , with very little progress to show . Last night I did a " makeup " run for my missed Sunday run . The Hubs and Daughter came along . We went down to the canal , in hopes of having a slightly cooling breeze to cut through the humidity . It was hot . I was wearing one of my new pairs of shorts , ones with compression liners , so I figured my usual unhappiness with the shortness and the ride - upness would be combatted . Unfortunately , the compression part is not long enough for me , so I was still uncomfortable with the shortness . I really need to just buy compression shorts to wear under regular shorts I think . I 'm gonna give them one more try and see if it 's just my anxiety , or if they really are too short for me . I was also wearing one of the hydration belts I got for my birthday , and again , not 100 % comfortable with it . I don 't like the way wearing it causes my shirt to do that pouf thing around my waist , like I 'd tucked it into my pants and pulled it partway back out . I suppose I 'll get used to it , since any hydration belt is going to cause this same phenomenon . Either that or I 'll loose enough weight that I 'll start feeling comfortable wearing tighter shirts . . . . The run went ok , we had a couple of walk breaks , at one mile and at the turn around , and then Hubs dropped back to a walk around mile two . I kept going for almost another mile . I didn 't have my phone with me , so I was estimating distances , apparently poorly . I listened to my body and got sleep , instead of forcing myself to get up and go run . I know it sounds like being lazy , but I honestly feel that I would have hurt myself if I had pushed myself out of bed on that little sleep and so close to the end of my last run . We finished our run on Monday after 7 , so there would have been right around 10 hours between my runs , and only five solid hours of sleep . The inside of the store was loud and crowded . Again , it seemed like a lot of people knew each other . I found my pace leader , but she was hanging out near an area of the store they kept asking us to keep clear , so I kinda just found somewhere to stand and kept an eye on where she was . We separated into our pace groups , and then they had us do a staggered start . My pace group ( the 12 min / mile group ) was one of the last groups , followed by the 13 's and 14 's . We started jogging through the parking lot , and then had to stop dead in a long line of the groups ahead of us waiting to cross the first intersection . After that we settled into the pace and I tucked myself in behind someone . There were a lot of admonishments to stay " two abreast " as we were running along roadways at this point . I felt super tired and not at my best at this point , but the pace felt slow , and I spent a good deal of time beating myself up for not pushing harder at the time trial . I was also cold . I was the only one in my pace group wearing a jacket . Everyone else seemed to be in shorts and tanks . I have no idea how they did it , I was freezing at the start , even in my capri 's and jacket . Once we got about a mile into the run , I was settled in , and the pace started to feel comfortable . We were running through some nice neighborhoods at this point so I was kinda just enjoying the scenery and letting it ride . At one point we had to stop at a red light , which is apparently called a " red light social " ( at least that 's what some people were calling out when we stopped . ) I am apparently awful at pacing myself . I have , in the past , let my exertion level dictate my pace . I have never run a paced run like this , let alone one this far ( five miles . ) A little under halfway through the run , I started having to work to keep the pace . My focus narrowed down to the three people around me , the two in front and the one next to me . I just kept focusing on keeping the woman 's sneakers in front of me the same distance away . I started to worry about being able to maintain the pace for the full run . Somewhere around here I started hoping for another red light so I could stop and rest . I kept telling myself that this was why I was doing this , to get better , so I better get used to being uncomfortable . It was starting to really upset me that I was having such a hard time keeping the pace . The next " red light social " we had was about a mile out from the finish of the run , and by that point i was actually warm enough to really want to take my jacket off . So I tied it around my waist , awkwardly . There has to be a better way to do that . The last bit of the run included a nasty uphill , which I had to really push to get up , followed by a nice downhill back to the Armory . This is where I realized that the terrain affects my pace and perceived exertion a lot . I had been dying , struggling to keep the pace . As soon as we hit that downhill , I had to keep reigning it in to keep from crashing into the people in front of me . I also suddenly felt like I could run for a few more miles . I 've got a better perspective on it now , looking back at it and taking a look at the elevation change on the route we took . I was expecting it to be easy , and it wasn 't . Now I know I have to work for it . I showed up early to the store where we were gathering and just . . . kinda stood around awkwardly in the middle of the crowd . It seemed like most people kinda knew a few other people . There weren 't a lot of other people like me that I could see , just kinda standing around waiting to get started . This did not do anything to calm my nerves . The time trial was going to be a two minute timed run to get us set into our pace groups for training . We were supposed to run the two miles as fast as we could . We were told we were going to do a short warm up run to get to the half mile loop we 'd be running . I started out trying to keep a slow pace . I tucked in behind someone and just kinda cruised . A little ways into the " warm up " run , someone passing me wondered out loud if we had " started yet " . It did seem like we had been going for a while . The girl I had tucked in behind laughed and said she 'd done this before , they have us run one mile to warm up before the start of the loops . We finally got to where we were running the loops and self sorted into how fast we thought we would run it . I stuck myself in the 12 min / mile category . And we were off . The first part of the loop was really hot and sunny . We had been told to run all out , so I was letting my legs fly . I wanted to leave it all on the course . By the end of the first loop I could tell I was in trouble . I was starting to feel the heat , so I let myself slow up a bit , even though my legs still felt fresh . The third loop I started panicking , wondering what would happen if I couldn 't finish . I was really feeling the heat . It felt hard to breathe , like I just couldn 't get enough heat out of me . I let my pace slack again on the " hot " part of the loop , and then started pushing it on the back side . The fourth loop all I could think was " just finish it out . Just keep going . " I walked most of the " cool down " mile back to the store . I was feeling not so awesome about my running right about then . I really felt like I couldn 't go as fast as my legs can go , because I was suffocating in the heat . After we got back to the store there was about an hour of " orientation " and a talk from the Garmin guy about their watches . While I 'm a fan , and wish I could spring for one , a $ 400 watch is just not in my budget for a while . Especially since my shoes are due for replacement soon . Our first Paced long run is this Saturday . Five miles with our pace group at 7am . The training plan calls for five runs a week . Luckily for me and my weird schedule it looks like the rest days are monday and wednesday right now . That 's good since wednesday is always a hard day for me to get a run in . Group runs are tuesday morning ( at 6am ! yikes ! ) , thursday evening and saturday morning . I 'm on my own for fridays and sundays . I 'm really nervous about my ability to stick to this schedule , and more than a little disappointed in my time trial . I 'm trying to look at it as a base line . This is where I am now . This is what I need to beat . The other part of my fear came true last night , almost no one talked to me . Like I said , it seemed like most people had come with friends . I 'm hoping that 'll change once we split off into our pace groups . It 'll really suck if I 'm still " running by myself " in a group . I didn 't really start to feel it until somewhere after the start of mile two . I could feel it in my lungs mostly , and for the first time in a long time I started to get a side stitch . So I slowed it down and tried to ease into a comfortable pace . My legs felt easy and loose this whole time . Really it was my lungs holding me back , and with all the dogwood " snowflakes " in the air , it 's no wonder . The air was full of them . It was really pretty actually , I wish I had gotten a few more pictures of them drifting around . The canal water was covered in large drifts of them too , which was neat looking . I 'm pretty proud of those splits too . I feel like a few more weeks and I 'll be back to where I was before the Half marathon . Which is awesome , because tomorrow is the first run with my training group ! I 'm super nervous about tomorrow 's run for a couple of reasons . Mainly because it 's a group run . With other people . But also because it 's the run that determines which pace group we 're going to get placed in . I 'm worried that I 'll either push myself too fast and get myself into a pace group I can 't keep up with , or I 'll crash and burn and be one of the slowest people there . I 'm still here I swear . And I 've been running , some . Not as much as I would have liked , but that will change when my training group starts up on Thursday . This past Friday I went for a run with the Hubs and our daughter . We did two miles , first one with him pushing , second with me pushing , and then he slowed to a walk and I finished out a third mile . We decided to run at Mt . Hope cemetery , instead of up at the reservoir . There is actual shade at Mt . Hope , and hills , and we wouldn 't be just doing the same loop over and over . We took it easy too , since the Hubs is still nervous about his knee , and I haven 't really done any hills in the heat yet . I also slowed waaaaay down when I was pushing . The last time I pushed the stroller I ended up pulling something in my calf because I was pushing too hard too soon , and it was warm out , and I am now gun shy about overheating . I tried to run by feel , since I didn 't have my earbuds in , and therefore could not hear my phone telling me speed and distance . We actually were at 1 . 98 miles when the Hubs wanted to stop and I checked my phone to see how far he 'd run . He decided he want to push through and finish out the two miles . Not my speediest run , but I 'll take it . Especially since I know the speed is going to come with the training I 'm about to start . Luckily for us our daughter loves to run , so she was in heaven when we let her out of the stroller to run around while Hubs did his walk . She actually kinda fast too , so if you 're not careful she 'll get away from you . I hope she always keeps the joy she has when she runs now , laughing and yelling " I running ! " back at me as she goes . Her joy while running is contagious too , which is awesome motivation . I 'm trying to use her as a model for my attitude towards running . I really wish I could do anything with the pure joy and abandon that she runs with . The 30 day challenges are kind of a bust , unfortunately . With everything else going on in my life right now , it 's all I can do to get runs in three times a week . I 've been doing the challenge work outs whenever I get a chance , but it 's been sporadic at best . I have been able to stick to a semblance of a good diet , however . Limiting myself to small portions and avoiding a lot of bad foods at several parties this weekend . So , small win there . So far so good . I 've managed to do Days 1 & 2 of both challenges I signed myself up for . ( 30 day Ab challenge and the 30 Day strong Arms challenge . ) I kept myself within my caloric limit yesterday , even with eating the last piece of my birthday cake left in the fridge . Minor miracle right there . I have not gotten a run in yet , but I 'm planning on getting a short run in this afternoon . I 'm a little nervous about it as it 'll be my first run in some real heat . The Challenges are still relatively easy , although the reps are climbing fast . Looking down the line , I can tell that I 'm going to start really feeling it by the end of the week . Last night was a close call for my newly minted routine . The Toddler was in full effect last night , and it took both me and the Hubs to get her fed , bathed and in bed . We were both so tired by the time she went down that it required an hour of television lounging to recover before we had enough energy to do our respective routines ( the Hubs is working on doing some PT for his knee right now . ) The other energy suck was actually a positive one . I made the Chicken - Mango Fajitas out of the Runner 's World Cookbook last night . It was the first recipe I 've tried out of the book . We did make one change to the recipe , we used corn tortillas instead of flour tortillas . It was not a good switch . I would stick with the flour tortillas . Also the mango I got wasn 't entirely ripe , which was unfortunate . They turned out good , although I 'm now planning on little tweaks to the recipe to make them great . Some great things about the recipe , it was really healthy , and it made enough that I have some for lunch today ! Posted by This week I 'm using both of those to start following a more healthy diet . I actually wrote out a rough meal plan for the week ( it 's mostly dinners with my lunches for work thrown in . ) I 've got a few breakfast recipes that I 'm going to make tonight ( grab and go stuff ) , and I 'm going to start tracking what I 'm eating again , starting on monday ( hey it 's sunday , and I 've got leftover birthday cake to eat ! ) Today is also day one for two month long challenges that I 've decided to thrown down with . A 30 day Ab challenge and a 30 Day strong Arms challenge . Both of which I found on FaceBook . A few of the days have overlapping exercises , so on those days I 'll be only doing one of the sets , whichever has the higher reps . ( I have a sleeveless bridesmaids dress to wear in August ! ) |
You have a life decision to make . Which is more important , your career or your boyfriend / girlfriend ? Do you choose love or money ? Which is right ? Which is wrong ? It 's not as black and white as that . As I discussed before , I moved halfway across the country to Colorado with my ex . We had been dating for about 6 months . I was young ( 26 ) and in love , and knew long distance wasn 't for me . I had nothing really holding me back , so I moved with him . Was it a smart move ? While I do get a bit embarrassed about my actions ( " I moved 1200 miles away for a boy ! " ) , I also know that my life would not be the same if I hadn 't done it . It was one of those true catalyst moments , a new beginning , a whole new world . I don 't regret it . But I swore I would never do it again . I leaned on him too much , since he was the only person I knew . That clingyness , while not the only reason we broke up , was certainly a part of it . When we broke up , within months of the move , I was alone , in a strange land , and the only person I knew was no longer a person I could lean on . It was not a pleasant feeling . While dating The Pilot , he mentioned several times the possibility of him getting a job flying out of Dubai . He had even asked me if I would go with him . I thought about it a lot , what would happen if he decided to go through with it . Would I move with him ? While I was completely enthralled ( in that scared kind of way , like being on a big rollercoaster ) with the possibility of living there , I knew I wouldn 't do it without a ring on my finger . Dubai actually forbids couples living together who are not married , so that was a handy excuse when The Pilot and I discussed it . I wasn 't demanding marriage , the country was , if he wanted me to go with him . Somehow I 've ended up in a similar situation . New Beau spent 6 months in Europe last year for his job , and loved every minute of it . He had told me there was a possibility of him going to the UK for a similar position , so when I got a text from him the other day wanting to talk about something important , I figured ( hoped ) that 's what it was ( as opposed to a " We need to talk " talk ) . Beau did get a job opportunity overseas , potentially leaving by the end of the year . But it wasn 't to the UK , it was to Finland . And it wasn 't a six month contract . We both realize that this is a terribly long time to be apart . And the timing is simply awful . We 've been seeing each other for three months . That 's not all that long . Certainly not long enough for him to be basing a major life decision on me . Just to be clear - this is a HUGE deal for him , career - wise . Huge . I can 't even tell you how astronomically huge it is for him . This position will basically allow him to write his own ticket for the rest of his career . It 's a big deal . I get it . I understand how much he wants it . There are other drawbacks he has to consider , of course . Selling the house , his car . Essentially giving up his dogs . The fact that he 'll be living on the arctic circle , with long , cold - ass winters with no sun . He doesn 't speak the language , and there 's not a whole lot of opportunity to learn . But the pros outweigh the cons , in my opinion . He wants it , too , I know he does . The only reason he 's really considering saying no is me . He would get past those other things . I 'm what 's holding him back . And I 'm not comfortable in that position . Mostly because I don 't want him to regret his decision and blame me . Scenario 1 : He takes the job . We 're three months in now , we would have six more months together , then be apart for 2 - 3 years . I don 't know about him , but I would be heartbroken . Completely . Like , I 'm going to cry just thinking about it . I will spend the next six months thinking about how much it 's going to hurt when he leaves . And , let 's be frank - chances are , his leaving will be the end of the relationship . We are not in our twenties . I 'm 35 , he 's 38 . Two ( maybe three ) years is a long time at this age to be holding onto a relationship in its infancy . Scenario 2 : He takes the job . We break up now , just so we don 't get further attached . I feel like this is a complete cop out , but a little hurt now is better than a lot of hurt later . At least , some would argue that . And , honestly , knowing how much it will hurt later … yeah , I 'm one of those . It 's cowardly , and I would hate myself for it , but I see the benefits . As I told him , I can 't make the decision for him . I 'm not going to ask him to stay . I 'm not going to tell him to go . I want him to stay , because I know his leaving will be the end of us . I want him to go because I know this is a huge deal for him . And I can 't say at this point which I want more . And because of that , I will do what I always do , which is give . If I had to choose , I would tell him to go . But I 'm still very adamant about my " not without a ring " viewpoint . Even more so , considering it 's a foreign country . And , let 's face it , what are the odds of us getting to the marriage point in the next six months ? Not great . Doesn 't mean it can 't or won 't happen . Just means it 's not probable . And none of this means I want to marry him at this point , or that he wants to marry me . It 's simply too early to be thinking about it . I 'm dating someone new . Two months in , and it 's still that wonderful , fun , " I have a boyfriend ! " mindset . Everything is new , and you want to do stuff with this new person . You go out more than you did before . For me , especially now that I 'm working again , I find I have absolutely no time to do things . My kitchen and bathroom are a mess , I am running out of clean underwear because I can 't find time to do laundry , and I 'm in danger of being late with my mortgage payment , because I haven 't had time to log online and pay it . I also haven 't had time to blog , workout , or watch the Royal Wedding . My new boyfriend has recently complained about putting on a few pounds , a combination of eating out more and having less time to exercise . I 've always encouraged him to get his workout in , but he recently asked me to help him eat less . I told him that I 'm naturally a nurturer , much like the mother in My Big Fat Greek Wedding . " Here , have the rest of mine , can I get you another cupcake , here just finish this off so there 's no leftovers . " I 'm doing my best to stop trying to feed him , though . Well , I 'm officially dipping into savings . I went almost four months without having to do it , so I guess I did pretty well . Doesn 't mean I 'm happy about it . And I 'm afraid it won 't last long . I 've been fairly good about living on budget - even this month , which was a surprise . Other than my bills , I 'm living on $ 15 / day . That 's groceries , gas for the car , and " extras . " I 'm going to see if I can go down to $ 14 / day in February . I 'm sure you 're thinking - $ 15 / day ? That 's easy ! I only spend $ 7 on lunch each day . But think about how much it takes to fill up the car - that 's several days worth of budget there . And the grocery store - that 's a couple of days . I should be spending less than that , but , hey , I was at $ 25 / day a year ago , so I 'd say I 'm doing pretty well . It sucks , though . I 'm in one of those vicious cycles , where I know I need to get out of the house more , but getting out of the house means spending money , even if it 's $ 2 . 50 for a cup of tea at Panera . So , I stay home all day , and I 'm slowly driving myself crazy . Okay , not completely crazy . Some days are better than others . But I 've had more than my fair share of alone time at this point . If you read my How to Be Happy post , you know that the happiest people get 8 hours of social interaction a day . On a good day , I get about two . And that 's about once a week . So , yeah , there are days where I can barely move I 'm so depressed . I 'm working on that , though . I know I need to start volunteering , but most places I 've looked want a 6 month commitment , and I can 't give that . I hope to have a job soon , in which case I won 't be available during the week . I 've had " Go to Humane Society " written on my to do list for several weeks now - I just can 't pull myself out of my fog to do it . But I 've got a volunteer thing tonight , and I 'm going to start helping my friend out with her non - profit , so hopefully that will help . In the meantime , I 'm trying to get the book revised and edited . It 's slow going , because I 'm having to go back and do a lot of research . And I 'm still not sure how I want to work the ending . But I 'll get there . And I have another book idea in my head , and I 'm dying to start that , but … one thing at a time . I 'll never get the first one done if I start on another . I 've done that before , and currently have two half - finished novels ( not including the current one ) that are just sitting there … waiting for some TLC . In the meantime , I feel like I 'm ready to start doing match . com again , to finish up my subscription , but then I worry about the money I 'll spend on going out . It 's great if the guy pays , and a lot of the time he does , but can I afford to take the chance ? We 'll see . And then , of course , there 's that fun " So what do you do ? " question . I hate saying I 'm unemployed . I think my new answer will be , " I 'm writing a book . " In case you haven 't guessed , I 've been having a pretty rough time lately . I 've been in a serious funk for the last three to four weeks now , and I can 't seem to pull myself out of it . I don 't know if it 's the job situation , my personal life , the holidays , my financial situation , or ( most likely ) a combination of all of the above . I had a mini - meltdown on Facebook last week , and since then I 've been trying to see the happy in each day . " Today I am happy for central heat and warm fuzzy socks . " " Today I am happy I have Aleve in my medicine cabinet . " Small little things , but I thought it would be a good way to help me see the bright side of things . I had lunch with a good friend yesterday , and I was ( reluctantly ) telling him about my funk . He nodded , he understood , he 's been there . He said , " I was telling someone else recently , ' I need a win . ' If I just had something go right , go well , if I just had a win , it would help . " That 's what I think I need . I need a win . Not just a goal , like a bright spot in the day , but a WIN . Yes , I have plenty of good things around me , but those aren 't quite the celebratory moments I need . I need a response to my resume . I need to win $ 500 from the lottery . I need to win a $ 500 gift card to Harris Teeter ( yes , I filled out their little online survey to be entered ) . I need the vet to call and say my cat is perfectly healthy . I need the mechanic to call and say , " Just kidding , it 's only going to cost $ 50 to fix . " It 's hitting me today . I knew it would happen sooner or later . Over the last 5 days , I 've had brief freak - outs , but it hadn 't really hit me . Now 's the time for that , evidently . I paid bills this morning . And I looked at what 's left . And I thought , " This is it , this is all I have . " Of course that 's not exactly true . I still have my severance check coming , and unemployment , so I know that 's not really it . But it feels that way . ( Side note - while writing , WordPress suggests tags for the post based on keywords . My recommended tags are : University of Oklahoma , Landry Jones , Colleges and Universities . Now , why on earth would they recommend those tags ? Do you see anything in what I 've written so far to suggest I tag this post that way ? ) Holy crap , I don 't have paid health insurance ! Not that I 'm a sickly individual , but do you know how much COBRA costs ? Anyone want to get married and add me to their health insurance ? On the bright side , I did start writing last night . I have a story idea , and I wrote down some plot points , lines of dialogue , scene ideas , etc . Did some research . I think it 's a pretty cool idea - we 'll see how the final product turns out . Still working on bulldozing my place . I wasn 't quite as diligent last week as I intended , since I ended up with far more time on my hands than I thought I would . I need to buckle down and get it done , though . Clear out the clutter so I can breathe . I think I 'm going to go take some happy pills now . I think I need them . ( Don 't worry , it 's just Evening Primrose Oil . ) And then , before publishing this , I went to check my email and got some bad news about a friend . Breakdown complete . Going to go take a shower so I can cry as much as I want . I 'm sure to feel better after that , right ? At my office , we have recycling containers all over the building . There are containers for plastic and aluminum in all of the food areas , and boxes for paper at everyone 's desk . We have a group of people that are on a sort of environmental team , with a focus of being green , and they have encouraged us to bring in phone books and put them in the recycling bins , as well . According to Facilities , we are not currently recycling any materials , because of the cost factor involved . We got very little revenue from cardboard , and no revenue from aluminum or plastic recycling , but we were paying for dumpster rental and pickup . Because of this , we are not currently recycling , although they are " still looking for ways to make recycling happen . " Now , don 't get me wrong . I understand that this is a business , one currently trying to save money and cut costs so it doesn 't go bankrupt . But , correct me if I 'm wrong , the point of recycling isn 't actually to turn a profit , it 's to be environmentally conscious . To " save the planet " and reduce our carbon footprint and all that . My condo complex doesn 't have recycling bins . There a several reasons for this - there 's no room for an extra dumpster , the HOA board worries about the cleanup involved ( people will overthrow trash into the normal dumpster and leave it , making someone else , usually a board member , clean it up ) , and the cost of the dumpster . It would obviously raise our HOA rates , which no one wants . I get that . Instead , I take my recycling to the center , which is less than a mile away , every couple of weeks . It 's not difficult , and I feel like I 'm doing my part . The difference between the HOA not wanting to pay for recycling and my place of business not wanting to pay for recycling is in the encouragement factor , even if silent . Why put bins out if you 're not going to recycle ? Why encourage people to bring in phone books to recycle ? If I had known the company didn 't recycle , I probably would have been taking my plastic bottles home to recycle . I think it 's a little disingenuous of them . And how about this for an idea ? How about someone takes it to a recycling center ? Maybe they could get volunteers to take it a couple times a week . Even offer the person an extra half hour on their lunch break or after work to go and take it ? Someone with a truck , who cares a smidgen about the environment . Heck , I 'd even offer to take some to the recycling center , but I don 't know how much we actually go through in a week , and I don 't know how much I could hold in my car . I 've never had a man hit me . I 've never had to deal with date rape or unwanted pregnancy or a psycho stalker . I 've never had to deal with divorce and custody battles and child support . I 've never had to deal with the death of a child . I know all this . Which is why I feel really bad when I have my " Woe is Me " moments . Oh , boohoo , I can 't afford a trip to Europe . Oh , boohoo , I can 't afford a new car . Oh , boohoo , my boyfriend cheated on me and dumped me ( although , does it count as being dumped if he just disappeared ? ) . Oh , boohoo , I don 't get to go out to eat as often as I would like . Oh , boohoo , some days I don 't like my job very much . Oh , boohoo , I can 't run 3 miles in 30 minutes . I used to have a whole other life . A life I kind of miss sometimes . Especially on nights like tonight , when I 've had a glass ( ok , two ) of wine and taken a trip down memory lane via an old friends website . I don 't wish I could go back , not really , but I do fondly remember the good times . Anyone who knew me before , or knows me now , would never figure me for that life . I spent almost every weekend camping in the backwoods , sleeping on either the ground or in the back of a pickup truck ( and , a couple of times , even in the passenger seat of said pickup truck ) . I would take a shower Friday morning , go to work , leave right after work , and not take another shower ( or use indoor plumbing of any kind ) until Sunday night ( did I mention it was usually 95 degrees in the shade ? ) . I would climb all weekend long , until my arms and hands and legs and feet ached . I would go to work Monday morning with scratches and bruises all over my body , cracked nails , and a big smile on my face , because it was so much fun . To answer your question , yes , there was a man involved . I probably never would have done that , every weekend , if it weren 't for a man . But it 's not that I did it for him . Although , of course I did , because he and I never would have worked if I hadn 't . But I actually did enjoy it for a time , and I really did have fun . I still liked indoor plumbing , but I put up with not having it , because I had such a great time . Then things changed . They always change , don 't they ? It stopped being fun , and started being a chore . It stopped being about going out and having a good time with friends , and became about how much more you could do , how much better you could do it . There were other factors . A move halfway across the country with a man I had known for six months . An accident along the way that changed said man . A very lonely existence in a new place , with no family , no friends , and a man who wasn 't the same , a man who was angry at himself and shut the rest of the world , and me , out . The person I was , the person I really was , was not what he wanted in a girlfriend . That 's not to say I was faking anything , or pretending to be something I wasn 't . But he introduced me to a whole new world , a different world , and I threw myself into , excited about the possibilities . I was willing to explore , willing to see what it had to offer , and in the end , found it wasn 't really me . I didn 't know that at the beginning , though . I discovered who I was at the same time he discovered who I was . The accident he was in , it was a horrible accident , but he walked away . He had some injuries , of course , injuries that didn 't allow him to pursue his passion . He had moved specifically to be closer to that passion , could see it out his window ( literally ) , but couldn 't do anything about it . He … was not the same man I knew before . And I tried to be understanding , I truly believe I did my best , but after a while , I lost my patience . " You rolled your car doing 70mph . It flipped ten times . You walked away . " His response : " It would have been better if I had died . " It 's hard to live with that . And by that , I mean that person , that mentality . It takes a toll . I was so alone . So very alone . I had left everyone , everything , I knew , moved 1200 miles away , with no job . He was all I had . But he was gone . We engaged in almost a reverse tug - of - war : I clung , he withdrew . I clung more , he withdrew . I clung harder , he withdrew . I never felt ( and I still don 't feel ) as if he really ever appreciated what I was going through . I was drowning in a pool of loneliness , and his own self - loathing just helped to weigh me down . I was unemployed for four months , sending out 15 resumes a day , and I think he didn 't believe I was really trying . We had seriously differing views when it came to money . They say more marriages break up over finances , and I believe it . I was raised to be money - conscious , but that it was okay to splurge on occasion . He was ( I 'm sorry , there 's no nice way to put this , and besides , he would tell youI stopped climbing . He urged me to continue , encouraged me to go out and have fun , but it was hard to leave him behind , knowing that it was more his life than mine . I felt so guilty every time I did it . And on top of that , I found out that I really enjoyed climbing with him - not with just anyone . I trusted him , we worked well together , and the comfort level , the joy , wasn 't present without him . I didn 't enjoy climbing without him , and ( ironically ) I didn 't enjoy him without climbing . He 's a wonderful man , a wonderful person , and the more distance I get from that situation , the more I believe that . We just weren 't right . There were so many signs pointing to it , but you don 't see those until afterwards . I was too happy , too in love , too sure that this was it and he was the one and we would live happily ever after forever and ever . I hate him just a little bit , for different reasons . But most of the time , when I think of him , I smile . He taught me so much , and was such a willing teacher , so excited to share information and make everyone around him a little bit better . But he was never superior about it . He would teach you something , and then turn around and praise you for figuring out something so difficult . " But you taught me that , " I would say . He would smile , shrug , and say , " I just gave you a couple of pointers . " Mostly , I thank him when I think of him . Because ( and I know this without a doubt ) I would not be HERE if it weren 't for him . I would not live where I live , have the friends that I have , have the life that I live , if I hadn 't moved with him . He took me 1200 miles away , so I could move another 2200 miles . You have a special place in my heart , Spiderman . Rate this : Share this : ShareTwitterRedditFacebookPrintEmailLike this : Like Loading . . . 1 Comment Back in May , I found out that the county showed me delinquent on my property taxes for 2006 , 2007 , and 2008 - since I 've owned the condo . Since the property taxed are set up to be paid through escrow , I contacted the mortgage company . They said they 've been paying , and it must be a mix up . Long story short , the mortgage company has been paying the property taxes on the wrong parcel number . Once we ( read : I ) discovered the error , they were working on correcting it . I checked online in July , and the county showed me with a $ 0 balance , so I thought it had been resolved . Flash forward to yesterday . My closing was scheduled for 3pm . Around noon , the title company discovered that I am now 4 years delinquent on my property taxes - 2006 , 2007 , 2008 , and 2009 . I contacted the mortgage company , and they said that disbursements had been made , and they would open a work order to research the issue . I asked if the disbursements had been made on the correct parcel number this time , but they were unable to answer that question , so they transferred me to the tax department . The tax department showed the disbursement for 2009 taxes , but said that the other " disbursement " that should have covered the past three years was actually a refund from the county " for payment on the wrong parcel number . " Okay , so did they then reissue payment on the correct parcel number ? Doesn 't look like it , but they 'll open a work order to research it . The title company asked for something on letterhead stating the mortgage company would get this taken care of , otherwise I couldn 't close on the refi . I was told that the " supervisor is not authorized to issue any sort of promise to pay , " or , for that matter , any sort of letter stating that they were researching it . The turnaround on the research department was generally 10 business days , and " there 's no way to expedite it . " I asked for the number to call the people who would be researching it , but … they don 't have a phone number . Great . It 's now 2 : 27pm , I have to leave work in 3 minutes to make the closing , if the closing is even going to happen , which , at this point , it doesn 't look like it will . My friend and mortgage guy says to go ahead and head that direction , they may be able to work something out . The closing went through , so yay . However , I was expecting to get some money back , and I was looking forward to buying new appliances for my condo . I didn 't find out until the closing that that part didn 't go through . I was , however , getting a whopping $ 125 back . Not quite the $ 1600 I was expecting . I 'm now on a 30 year loan at 5 . 25 % interest , and I really never want to deal with any of this again . Of course , I know better than that , but it 's possible that I 'll never move . I 'll stay in my tiny condo for the rest of my life , alone , but for a series of cats . I don 't think it 's in me to become a crazy cat lady , but it might be worth it if I never have to get a new mortgage again … Recent Comments Millie on Bottom Up ! Anonymous on Match . com Etiquette Lins on Dating a pilot Carol on Bottom Up ! Anonymous on Match . com Etiquette Karen on Brandied Apples Karen on Brandied Apples Anonymous on Match . com Etiquette Launa on Homecoming Mums Persia on What I really want to say in my match . com emails Email me ! allthingsdelightful ( at ) hotmail Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
This afternoon Bean got back from a visit to the water park with her very best friend in the world . Because I missed her so very much I took her through the drive thru at McDonald 's for an ice cream treat . They have always given Pip a dog treat . It has gotten to the point as soon as we pull up to the menu to order he goes insane . This dog will bark and snap at anything that moves , except anyone in a McDonald 's uniform . They have the magic potion that turns the little guy into a well behaved puppy . Dog treats ! Today he let the guy at the window pet him for a full five seconds before he growled at him . To reward his good behavior the nice man in the window gave Pipper his very own baby cone ! He was in doggie heaven ! I fear now that any future ice creams I want to treat myself with will be quickly attacked by the world 's worst dog . He licked away every last speck of ice cream . Mean Mommy I am though I didn 't allow him to eat the cone . Too much sugar for the little guy . Posted by In the last installment of this blog we learned about how naughty Pip the puppy is . That hasn 't changed a bit . People are always asking how Pip is and want stories about him . I have no idea why . Maybe it 's because they can 't believe one dog could be so bad and still be so loved . Maybe they just want to laugh at me ! Pip is unusually inquisitive . I am convinced he understands every word of what we say and I 'm convinced he thinks he 's a real human boy instead of a naughty little terrier . I just watched him for nearly 10 minutes watch a ladybug . He kept turning his head sideways , whine and nose at this poor ladybug who only wanted to crawl across the sun warmed glass in peace . This is the sort of thing he does all the time . He doesn 't get bored easily if something catches his attention . He spends his time trying to figure out what everything is and how it works . He especially wants to know why the cat doesn 't love him and doesn 't want to cuddle or wrestle with him . He tries to share his rope with the cat but Linus wants know part of that . I can 't tell you how many times a day I yell for Pip to leave the kitty alone . Even more time is spent actually separating them . Pip also has this thing with submissive urination that is just so annoying . There is no rhyme or reason to it either . No one know what will bring it on . Sometimes it 's excitement . That I can understand . He even has a bandana that says I 'm so excited I could pee . Often times someone will lean down to pet him and he 'll roll onto his back and start spraying everywhere like a newborn boy with no diaper on . Now believe me when I tell you this dog has never been beaten . He is spoiled rotten and is more kid than dog . I have no idea what he is afraid is going to happen when someone reaches to pat him on the top of the head . He would do anything for a treat and I mean anything . We can 't even say the word treat in this house unless we are prepared to give him one . We are often reduced to spelling the word and when he learns how to spell we are all screwed ! The treat thing started when we were potty training him . Scratch on the door , go out and go potty , come back in and get a treat ! Great idea until he tried scratching at the door , running out on the deck , turning around and coming right back in and sitting pretty for a treat . No pal , sorry . Now when we go for a car ride he ruHe has a memory that won 't quit . Unfortunately . He likes to throw his toys under the furniture and hunt them back out . I get that , it 's like a dog burying a bone and then digging it back up . It 's a treasure to find . Too bad I don 't like him digging at my carpet . When everyone gets tired of retrieving his toys from him they throw it up on top of the book shelf . An out of sight , out of mind theory . Except he will sit and whine until someone gets him a toy . I told the kids to stop putting them up there because he gets bored and goes to the bookshelf and whines . I can 't take it anymore ! We haven 't put the toys up there for a few weeks . He still sits there and whines for them . Even after you lift him up and show him there is nothing there . Last crazy dog thing I want to share today is how much he " talks " . I read that Rat Terrorists Terriers will do this but I thought how bad can it really be ? Bad I tell you ! Hubby was laughing at us the other day . Pip was sitting beside my chair " talking " to me . I would yowl the same noise back at him and he would answer with a different tone . It appeared we were having a real conversation . I finally told hubby that I really wished I knew what we were talking about . I hope I didn 't promise to give the cat away . Time dulls but never takes away the pain . The other day I had a note that said " remember those you love who are gone , hold their memory close " . Doing that today , and every day . Missing you always . Posted by Another year is drawing to a close . It hardly seems possible . The years , they fly by and leave lots of laughter and smiles and an occasional tear or two in their wake . As long as the smiles and laughter come more often than the tears I call it a successful year . This year was successful . For a few reasons I haven 't written here . Namely a reader or two who I no longer care to share any of my life with but I 've decided I can 't shut out those I DO want to share info with and the best revenge is a life well lived right ? So , I 'm going to try writing again and filling you all in on my life . A lot of changes have happened in the last year and a half since I walked away from this blog . Most notably my oldest son went away to war . It was hell letting go of him but our job as parents is to raise them the best we can and set them free to fly and hope they soar . I believe he is soaring . I completely changed my course of study in college . Although photography is fun and is where my heart is , let 's be realistic , it 's never going to make me any money because most people with a passion for photography don 't go to school to make it a career . They buy an entry level DSLR camera and charge 10 bucks for a disc of pictures . That will never pay my student loans back so I changed to a program that will support my family if I need it to . I blogged this back when it happened in February but our 14 year old dog died . It was one of the saddest events of my life and ranks right up there with the loss of an actual human family member . After the death of our old dog we brought in a new guy and holy moly he has turned our lives upside down and shook us around . Pip rules our world . Last week he was neutered in hopes he will try ruling our house and our car and our yard a little less . So far , no go . Good thing he is the cutest , sweetest boy I 've ever laid eyes on outside of my actual human sons . That 's about it for the update of the last year . So much has happened that I have no idea how to put into words . My world is always changing but I 'm a whole loPosted by Last week it was 6 months since we lost our Deeogee . The hole he left in this house is one that can never be filled . He wasn 't a normal dog who did dog things . He was more a presence . A fixture that we always expected to be there . I thought I would be alright . Get used to the quiet and the loneliness but then I was left home alone for an entire day by myself and I knew I couldn 't do it . I started doing some research and some searching for a new friend . I came across an add on ebay for 2 little rat terrier mix puppies . Getting a mixed breed was a must for us for different reasons . A tri - colored and a black . I really wanted the tri but was told he had been given away so I kept looking . The owner emailed me back and said the people decided not to take the tri - colored pup if we were still interested . Of course we were ! We made arrangements to meet them about an hour north of the cities the following weekend to pick up the pup . The day dawned with a full on blizzard but we went anyway . It was the most hair raising ride there but we picked our little munchkin up at the Cabela 's store . He was so tiny ! He weighed 3 pounds and fit perfectly in the crook of my arm . The first few weeks with him were long and exhausting . We never slept , we had to potty train him in several feet of snow piled up in the yard . It was an adventure to say the least but I 'm so glad Shawn was laid off and was able to help . He took early morning shift so I could sleep and watched him while I was at school . For the first month he went every where with us . It didn 't take him long to ingrain himself into the fabric of our lives . In a few weeks we will have had him for 6 months and he our lives still revolve around him . He 's funny and cute and smarter than a whip . Our giant lab bows down to him and treats him like he 's a giant and she 's the little dog . The only family member that still hasn 't accepted him is the cat but he 's starting to come around . Our life with this little guy is never boring . Meet Pippen Joe . Ruler of the Universe . Pip for short . Isn 't he cute as a button ? When I met my husband he had this tiny little dog with the biggest attitude . The dog was not at all disciplined , he ran away all the time earning me a dog at large ticket at one point . He also bit everyone he could find to latch his teeth into including my nephew , a girl I babysat and myself . I told hubby either the dog was fixed or he had to get rid of him . He had him fixed . From that day on he was the sweetest gentelest dog anyone had ever known unless someone messed with his new family . He was fierce at protecting us and fended off an intruder one night when the kids and I were home alone . He also thought he was a cat . A mother cat for that matter . We had a kitten who Deeogee bathed and protected as if he gave birth to it . He adopted my small son as his boy and the two have been inseperable for all these years . He truly became part of our family . Friday night our beloved old man crossed The Rainbow Bridge . It was quick and he did not suffer and for that we are thankful . I will miss his constant company . Someone to talk to during the day while I am going about my business . Someone to follow me everywhere . Someone to feed the last few bites of my sandwhich to . Someone to lie beside me on the floor at night and snore softly . Most of all I will miss the sound of his nails on the hardwood and the feel of his soft head on my hand and the 5 single strands of white fur at the end of his tail . See ya one day old man . One , two , three , four , and now five . Those are how many years that have gone by since you went away . The wound of your death is now a scar . Happy Anniversary in heaven Scott . I will always miss you . And the beginning . . . MemoriesScott Happy 2011 ! ! How did we get here already ? 2010 went by faster than a blink . Good riddance to that crapfest I say ! I have gotten all sorts of grief about not writing here . I could tell you all the reasons I haven 't written but they are long and boring and maybe I can use them for material at some point . It is coming up on the 5th anniversary of Scott 's death . I cannot believe it has been more than five years since I have seen my pal . Wow . School starts next week . I changed my major . I love photography . Don 't get me wrong . It is still my passion and who I am inside but it will never pay the bills . I don 't regret going to school for it . The wealth of info I have gained is immeasurable . I learned the much needed technical side in addition to honing my inner eye . People remain my second favorite thing to shoot . Nature will always be the heart of my photography . That and my favorite fat cat . That 's about all I have for now . I 'm here . You can follow my photography at www . facebook . com / photosbynature or www . facebook . com / capturedbychelleI promise to check in more often . This last weekend the children and I ventured to the north shore to spend some quality time with their dad . It really was some of the best family time we have ever spent together . Not to mention the opportunity for beautiful photography . This one here is my favorite taken over the weekend . I plan on having it printed in a lovely 16x24 size and hanging it above my desk . Do you ever hear something that instantly makes you think KARMA ? Just wondering . You can only be a self centered bitch for so long before it catches you . I am so full of small thoughts today not small as in small as in I don 't have anything lengthy to post on any one comment . Just short snippets . Like . . . . . I hate when people give my phone number out to their bill collectors . I have enough of my own calling me , I don 't want your calling me too . Thank you very much . Don 't you hate when people who have spent their whole life dodging responsibility to their children , who have never done a meaningful thing for them beyond donating their sperm , think their child owes them something ? Sometimes we all need a mulligan in life . To just change the things that are seemingly small that end up to be huge life changing decisions . Besides those few things that bug me I am doing really well . Loving being back to school and will love it even more when the kids go back . Excited to be taking pictures for a purpose instead of for pleasure again . Loving learning so much more about photoshop . Yeah . . . I really got nothing . Have a great day ! You know how they ( I have no idea who they is ) say that when a cat leaves a dead animal lying on your doorstep its because the cat loves you and is giving you a present ? Well my cat must adore us . In the last week he has brought me the back half of a pocket gopher and the heart and the liver , the front half of a pocket gopher and today just a gopher head and the heart and kidney . Alright Linus . You love us . Mind bringing home a pile of cash ? Edit : 6 / 24Caught him with a dead gopher in the garage this afternoon . He was gnawing its head off . Disgusting cat . I 'm a firm believer in Karma . I 'm from the school of do good things and good things will happen , do bad things and bad things will happen . Ala Earl Hickey . I have always been a friend to the spiders of the world . I 'm not afraid of them , they don 't make me squeal like most girls . I have never had the need to call my husband home to be a spider annihilator for me . I always just scoop them up and put them outside . I want us to co - exist , just not in the same house . Last Monday I was helping my daughter clean up her room when I came across one of those really large black hairy nasty spiders . I scooped him up on a piece of paper and tried walking out of the room with him , headed for the outdoors . He wanted no part of the beautiful Minnesota summer and kept jumping off the paper . I kept scooping , he kept jumping . I finally tired of his game and smashed his ass . The very next night I was bitten in my sleep by a spider . I remember vaguely itching it in the middle of the night . Then the bite was quickly forgotten until Friday when I woke up with a large red , hot to the touch , tender and itchy patch around the bite site . I knew something wasn 't quite right . Turns out my spider bite was infected . The friends of fuzzy black spider had avenged the cold blooded murder of their friend . Today I was working on a long over due landscaping project . I was removing sod from against the house . Perfect spider hiding area . They were everywhere . I couldn 't blink without another spider scuttling out and up the wall . I 'll admit I smashed a ton of spiders today , tonight I am afraid to go go sleep . Karma is a bitch . Posted by Over the long Memorial Day weekend we as a family ventured off for our traditional camping trip . I don 't know when this started . Could be as far back as when I was in 8th grade and went with my brothers to Guernsey Lake . Anyhow , I don 't remember when I picked it up with my own family but its what we do . Usually . This year was not to be like all the other years . The threat of rain , two small kids and a hubby who hates to camp sent our camping companions back to town 24 hours early . The threat of rain , a waterproof - less tent , a tired Mom and a sick Dad sent us back to town 14 hours or so early . We came home and set up the tent in the garage for the kids , built a fire in the fire bowl in the driveway and let the kids at it . They all ended up in the house but they had fun thinking they were still in control of camping . It never did rain more than a sprinkle but that 's okay . That was 14 less hours the ticks had to crawl on us . Yuck ! I can 't believe it , time rolls by so quickly . It has already been a week since we buried one of the greatest men I have ever known . Before I was born my Mom was married to my brothers Dad . They divorced , Mom remarried , I was born and then my sister . Luckily for my sister and I my Mom kept a good relationship with her ex husbands family . That family took my sister and I in and loved us like we were their own blood . They certainly didn 't have to . Grandma Fritz was one of my favorite people and to this day I aspire to be the kind of loving , giving , accepting person she was . Grandpa Speed was a great man , he served in world war 2 after he was already married and already a father . He came back to the states ran a farm and later his own car company . As I kid I thought GMC stood for Gulley Motor Company . It was at that car dealership one Easter Gramps had a give away that included a huge Easter basket and the largest stuffed rabbit I have ever seen in my life . That rabbit was taller than a little me was . Probably a good 5 feet or so . Well one day while at my Grandma Bower 's house there was a knock at the door . That knock was for my , it was Grandpa Speed delivering that huge stuffed rabbit . The rabbit I was never entered to win . Favortism ? Maybe , after all I wasn 't blood related so it was perfectly legal for me to win . That rabbit was named Harvey and became my best friend for several years . I had no secrets that Harvey didn 't know . That was the kind of man Gramps was . He took in several grand kids over the years when there parents were unable to care for them for whatever reason . There house was a refuge for many a stray teenager over the years . He and Grandma Fritz were amazing people . When I learned of Gramps death I cried of course but not from sadness . He lived 91 years on this earth , 21 of them without his beloved Fritz . I cried tears of joy that he and Grandma would now be reunited in heaven . Two Friday 's ago heaven became a better place . Rest in peace Gramps . PS I promise to locate a picture of Harvey and I and post iMichelle My husband is super gardener . I think it may be the only thing in life he truly enjoys besides hunting . Every year he tends to get a jump on starting the garden way to early . He tills in February if we have no snow . Okay , that 's probably an exaggeration . Definitely March though . This year he decided to start his plants indoors the beginning of February . He just asked me if I thought 17 tomato plants are to many . Lord help us all , we still have whole tomatoes in the freezer from last summers garden and that was only 5 plants . Hope the neighbors are prepared to have enough tomatoes to can with . Hannah in the prized garden . |
It didn 't make it much easier to deal with the prick , but he was Rebecca 's brother - in - law , and I had to put up with him . He made a constant show out of how much of a jerk he could be . Even Pam , Rebecca 's sister , seemed surprised by her husband 's behavior sometimes , but on the whole , everyone just seemed to let him do what he wanted . Rebecca just rolled her eyes and went to help her sister prepare dinner . I couldn 't believe that Pam let him talk that way in front of the kids , but it seemed to pass unnoticed by the girls . His prickish behaviour was normal around here . Conversation at dinner was another challenge . I got along with Pam quite well , but whenever Vince spoke up , I had to bite my tongue . He made crude sexual remarks about both women at the table , and he relentlessly made fun of my job as a grocery store manager . I had been going out with Rebecca for a couple of weeks , and this was the first time I had met any of her family . She was quite close to her sister . They talked every night on the phone , even when Rebecca stayed over at my place . For that reason , I really wanted to make a good impression on this night , but Vince was making it a real challenge . When dinner was over , I sat and talked with Pam . Like her sister , she was a knockout , and really bright too . While I was busy talking , Rebecca asked Vince if she could speak to him alone , and they went into the other room . I suspected that she was trying to get him to behave a little better around me , and I can 't say that I blamed her . He was being a total jerk . They came back into the room fifteen minutes later , but Vince still wasn 't making much of an effort . He started talking about cars , and inevitably , went on to say how much of a piece of crap my car is . By the time the evening was over , I couldn 't wait to get out of there . " I think that went really well , " Rebecca told me , on the drive home . She seemed really enthusiastic . " You fit in really well with my family . The girls adore you . " Oh , heck no . He can be a bit of a bully , but that 's just because he 's the macho type . Once he gets it out of his system , you 'll get along fine . " " Really , " I asked hopefully . In the couple of weeks we 'd been together , Rebecca had so far avoided sex . It was an odd sort of relationship . When Vince had been grilling me about our sex life , I didn 't know which bothered me more ; the crude question , or the embarrassing answer . Rebecca was a really sexy girl . She even talked openly about the sex she 'd had in previous relationships . From the stories she told , inhibition definitely wasn 't a problem . The first time she stayed over , I really thought that something would happen , but after a romantic evening , she just wanted to cuddle for a while , and fell asleep in my arms . She even complimented me on ' being a gentleman ' , and not putting too much pressure on her . That made it really awkward for me to bring the topic up . So , despite the odd timing , I was excited to hear that Rebecca was thinking about sex . At this point , I was going to take what I was given . Having a cutie like Rebecca around the house was keeping me almost constantly aroused . There are other things that I would have liked to have done to her , but this would be a nice start . I accelerated the car . I unlocked the door , and she pulled me into the apartment . Inside , she didn 't even wait to get to the bedroom . Rebecca unbuttoned her jeans , and in one smooth motion pulled both her jeans and her panties down to her knees . The position felt a little odd . I 'd never given oral sex to a woman while she was standing before . It seemed like a real role reversal . Nonetheless , when she leaned back against the wall , and pulled my face in towards her crotch , I was eager to whet my appetite . Rebecca was shaking with lust by the time my tongue touched her . Her whole crotch was wet from arousal . I licked back and forth across the length of her pussy , getting a good feel for what was turning her on . She jerked and gasped when my tongue pushed into her opening , but her biggest reaction was when my I gently probed her swollen clitoris . I had my hands around behind her , holding her ass . Her cheeks clenched with pleasure , and I could feel her tense muscles shudder with every touch of my tongue . Something had really worked her up . Taking her clit between my lips , I began to give it some gentle suction , while I ran my tongue across the sensitive flesh . Rebecaa went crazy . Her fingers dug in behind my ears as he body began to jerk violently against the wall . If we hadn 't have been holding on to each other so tightly , her to my head , and me to her ass , her motions would have shaken me off target . I wasn 't sure I heard her right at first , but she continued her words as her body convulsed in orgasm . Her breathing was ragged with pleasure . Her legs were shuddering . Her orgasm finally ceased , but her body was still shaking like a leaf . I had never known a woman to orgasm with that kind of intensity in my life . My face was soaked . She was so worn out , that she just stumbled into bed , without even bothering to get the rest of her clothes off , and crashed for the night . Over the next week , I tried to interest Rebecca in taking things a little further between us , but she always seemed reluctant , and I backed off . She still talked to me about the things she had done with previous lovers , which was just compounding my sexual frustration . By the time we went over to her sister 's place again the next week , I was in no mood to deal with Vince . I tried my best to remember what Rebecca had told me about his bullying tendencies . I hoped he got it out of his system soon . His taunting continued through dinner again , despite Pam and Rebecca 's best efforts to get him to lay off . I stayed in the one room with Rebecca 's nieces , while the two women went to the other room to talk to Vince . Personally , I didn 't think it was the greatest idea . One thing I knew about bullies was that once they knew that they were under your skin , they never let up . I wondered if the women 's interference might just make the situation worse . Vince was still being a prick too . Not only was he still insulting me , but he had this really smug , arrogant manner now . It was like he was gloating or something . We left soon afterwards . I don 't know what got into me . I should have felt frustrated , or cheated , or something . I had to go a full week without relief , while she walked around the apartment in the skimpiest of outfits , talking about her past boyfriends , and without regard to my pleasure , she wanted me to lick her to another orgasm . And here I was , feeling privileged that she was going to allow me to do it . She actually had me do it for her twice that week . That was a treat . Both times , she held my head to her pussy while she leaned back against the wall , and humped my face vigorously while she called me a ' cock sucker . ' Each time , I ended up with a face full of her juices . This scene obviously excited her a lot . The second time we did it that week , it was after an extended phone conversation she had with her sister in the spare bedroom . Unlike most of the conversations she had with Pam , she closed the door to talk privately . When she came out , after an hour , she was so horny that she could barely stand up . I 've never seen a girl so desperate to cum as Rebecca was then . Rebecca looked so satisfied , laying back on the sofa . My own cock was so hard that I couldn 't sit comfortably . I could only hope that our relationship stopped being this one - sided sometime soon . " Well , " she started . " We were talking about some of our first sexual experiences . You know , the first time we gave blow jobs . We both learned together , actually . " It was before Vince and Pam started going out , but they were already good friends . He was hanging around the house a lot , because he had trouble with his own parents . He was the local bad - boy , and we both thought that he knew all sorts of stuff about sex . " One day , we were all hanging out , and the topic of sex came up . Vince was bragging about how all the girls gave him blow jobs , and I think we were both embarrassed that we didn 't know how to do it . Well , I don 't know how he talked us into it , but he agreed to ' train ' us on how to give a good blow job . To say my feelings were mixed would be an understatement . On the one hand , the idea of Rebecca sucking Vince 's cock really bothered me . I had to remind myself that it was many years ago , when they were teens . On the other hand , in my aroused state , I couldn 't help but picture those two gorgeous sisters learning how to suck cock . " In no time at all , he had the both of us on our knees , " Rebecca continued . " First he stood in front of Pam , and had her lick him , and then he switched to me . It was the sexiest feeling , sharing his penis with my sister . Does that turn you on ? " " He took turns , first instructing Pam , and then me on how to suck a cock . He made a little game out of it , seeing who would get his cum . That first time it was me . He scolded me for not swallowing it for him . I knew better next time . " Next time ? " Pre - cum was leaking down my shaft as I continued to jerk myself off . I couldn 't help but imagine my sweet Rebecca sucking on Vince 's cum that first time . How could I let a thing like that turn me on ? " Oh , after that he was over nearly every day . At first , his training was only for blow jobs , but later he trained us to do all sorts of other things for him and his friends . Oh , I can see that 's getting you off . . . do you want to hear about the other things he trained us to do ? Yes ? I can see that you do . After teaching us how to worship his cock , he trained us to do it for his friends . " Vince wanted us to learn how to strip for them . To show them our tits , and pussies . He trained us to drop to our knees , and suck his friends ' cocks at his command . Isn 't that dirty ? It 's got you really worked up , doesn 't it . He trained us to take it in the ass for his friends too . He really liked to see us , side by side , on our knees , being fucked in the ass by anybody he brought over . Oh , you 're gong to cum aren 't you ? " But he didn 't let his friends use our pussies . That was only for him . God , he trained us to fuck him good . Does that turn you on too ? To think of Vince 's cock in my pussy . You like that , don 't you ? " I exploded all over my hand . The images of Rebecca and Pam being fucked by Vince 's teen friends danced through my head . They were such nasty images . I couldn 't believe they turned me on . But Rebecca could . She just watched me with that same expression of interest and amusement . We didn 't talk about it again until we arrived at Pam and Vince 's place on the weekend . I was really confused about my feelings . If it bothered me so much that an ass hole like Vince had fucked my girlfriend when she was younger , why did the images continue to propagate themselves in my mind . I tried to blame it on the fact that I wasn 't getting laid , but even when I was jerking off twice daily , the images were there . " I kind of envy you , Mitch , " he said , sounding sincere at first . " My little sister - in - law can really suck cock something fierce . I hope you 're taking advantage of it daily . My face flushed red . I looked around the table , but neither the nieces nor the women at the table were paying attention to his lewd comments . It burned me that he really knew what he was talking about , almost as much as it bothered me that I really didn 't . Rebecca still hadn 't so much as touched my cock . After dinner , it was the same old routine . We all went into the living room with the kids . Rebecca promptly excused herself to go to the other room . No explanation this time . Vince just followed with a smug grin on his face . Every week , we came over for dinner . Every week , Rebecca went into the other room with Vince , leaving me here with Pam or the kids . Each time after we left , she was horny as hell . Now , with what I knew about her history with Vince , I couldn 't wipe the possibilities out of my mind . My eyes kept on wandering to the doorway to the other room . Pam 's eyes followed mine . Did she know what I was thinking ? She seemed to be waiting to see what I would do . My face went red . Nothing . That 's what I did . I sat there , and played with the little girls , while god - knows - what was going on in the next room . Pam watched me with almost the exact same mixture of interest and amusement that Rebecca had displayed on the previous evening . What kind of a wimp she must have thought me , that I wouldn 't even get up and look . When Rebecca finally came back into the room , her hair was messed up , and her lipstick was smeared . Were those just details I had missed before ? God , the look on Vince 's face was insufferable . Rebecca sat beside me , and snuggled close . Then she planted a kiss on my lips . There was a funny taste on her lips , but I tried to ignore it . Pam and Vince exchanged knowing glances . I needed to get out of there . " Come on Mark , I 'm really horny now , and I don 't want to talk about it . You and I both know that when we get home , you 're going to help me out . You are , aren 't you ? " " You 're going to drop to your knees , and lick my pussy until I cum all over your face . Aren 't you ? God , can 't you see how horny I am ? " The entire week was hell for me . I was so ashamed of myself . As much as I tried to fool myself , every instinct told me what was happening between Rebecca and Vince during their weekly visits . The scene was burned into my head . I thought about the smug look that was plastered across his face when he came out of the room . I thought of the way that Pam was watching me for a reaction . After all , I had been all too eager to lick her wet pussy afterwards . Even as I was doing it , I imagined scenes from the story Rebecca told me . I thought about Vince training her to suck cock , and to take it up the ass for his friends . Inevitably , the weekend came , and we went over for our weekly visit with Rebecca 's sister . I was tense all of the way through dinner . Vince was still picking on me , but that wasn 't what was bothering me . It was the way that the three of them were looking at me . They were excited . No question about it . They were amused too . I couldn 't shake the feeling that I was the subject of an inside joke between Rebecca and her family . I sat there with one of the girls on my lap , while Vince took my girlfriend into the next room . Pam was watching me , as she had the previous week . As every minute passed , my tension increased . How could I sit there and do nothing ? Pam must have been thinking the same thing . I couldn 't even look at her . Rebecca finally came back . My heart was in my throat , but my cock was so very hard . I knew that she would want me to lick her , and , god help me , I was anxious to do it for her . As soon as we got into the door of the apartment , Rebecca was ready . If at all possible , she was even more excited than on the previous weeks . I dropped to my knees in front of her as she wriggled out of her jeans and wet panties . Something was different . My heart was racing . To my disgust , her pussy was absolutely covered in a thick layer of semen . I looked up at Rebecca . Her eyes were smouldering . " Yes . " I whispered . It had been seeping out of her on the drive home , and I could see that is also covered the crotch of her panties . Her body shivered a bit as she said it . She was so excited , I think she had a little orgasm just from thinking about it . More of the mixed cum oozed out of her used pussy . I was disgusted and aroused all at the same time . While she watched me from above , I lowered my face into the crotch of her panties , and began to lick up the juices that had pooled there . She continued to talk as I humiliated myself . " Oh , I 've been looking a long time for a guy like you , Mark . I knew from the first time I saw you that I had to handle you just right . Oh , but it was worth it . I 'm going to marry you , you know . You 're just the kind of guy to treat me right , and to help raise my children . And to lick the crotch of her dirty panties , apparently . The taste of Vince was strong in my mouth . When the panties were clean , I raised my mouth to her upper thighs , and began to lap up the cum that was dribbling down her legs . She was shaking , and took hold of the back of my head . " You 're cute , and hardworking , and sensitive . . . you 're everything a girl could want in a husband . But you 're also my little cock sucker . Unngh . . . you like to lick up cum . . . don 't you . . . oh god , you like to lick Vince 's cum from my pussy lips . . . when we get married , you 'll do a lot of that . He wants me to start having babies , you know . . . " My shame kept on growing . The more she degraded me , the more hungrily I licked Vince 's cum from her pussy lips . Finally , I stuck my tongue into her , and began to suck the juices directly from the source . Rebecca was grinding herself into my face . |
We went to my dad 's for Christmas again this year . Since Chris wasn 't coming home until this week , it worked out great . We loaded up the car on Wednesday and set out for the 4 . 5 hour trip . I was teaching Caitlin how to use my good camera so the pictures taken in the car are from her . We saw some really cool looking clouds on our way there . This one stretched out as far we could see . It was bright blue on one side and then white on the other . The clouds were so thin behind that puffy cloud that it looked bright white . We were coming to the top of one of the many hills along the way and I saw a lot of smoke all of the sudden . Once we got to the other side we saw this . And then this . The family did get out but I can 't help but think about the panic that they must have felt . Notice the trunk is open . I hope they got all of their gifts out of the back so at least their kids had something to open on Christmas . Scary . I had a car do that once . It 's the scariest thing I have ever been through . Sophie pretty much stayed like this the whole time . While Lilly stayed like this . Constant motion . Always . Salvaged picture . I forgot to change the settings from the night before and the picture was WAY off but I really like it in black and white . Trucks picked up at the truck stop on the way . They were on clearance so everyone got one . I stepped on them approximately 1 , 357 times while we were there . Sophie 's boo boo from the mean concrete . One of the many messed up pictures I took while we were there . I love this one though even if it looks terrible . If you haven 't noticed by now , I 'll let you in on a little secret . I COMPLAIN A LOT ! I complain on here because I have no one else to discuss things with . Being a trucker 's wife is a very lonely thing . And when that trucker drives teams and is on the night shift , it tends to be even more lonely . This my complaint box . But it is also my praise box . The place I like to write down what I am truly thankful for , so that I never forget . This is one of those times where I will praise rather than complain . Right now , I love the company my husband works for . A lot of people don 't . BUT that 's OK because it works for us . ( at the moment ) I know there is no such thing as the perfect trucking company . I knew that going in . We both did . What sets this company apart , I think , is the fact that they actually try to be as accurate as possible . He has had one error on his pay sheet in the time he has been there . It was corrected the following week . His paycheck from his previous carrier had an error on nearly every check . 2 - 3 weeks to get corrected as well . Not cool . The place he works at now pay detention pay . Previous carrier . Nada . Now ? Prepass . Previous ? Had to request toll money , got charged . Withdraw money from ATM , got charged . Lucky if he ever saw his toll money reimbursed . What I am getting at is that when he lost his job back in July , I freaked . I cried . I was so upset . I should have been on my knees praying to God thanking Him for His blessing . So as y ' all know I started Weight Watchers a couple of weeks ago . I am tired of being round . I would like there to be some definition in there somewhere ! : ) I didn 't weigh myself yesterday like I should have . I have been so busy with bows and the kids and trying to watch what I eat , that I slacked a little at the end of last week . I didn 't go over my points , but I knew I wasn 't eating good for me stuff . Like , it 's not great to get all your points in 2 meals . I found myself not having time to eat or drink water and that is never a good thing . Yesterday I had to go to the Walmarts and get stuff for Caitlin 's science project . I figured I 'd try on my new jeans and see if they fit . OK , by new I mean I bought them back in February and they didn 't fit . Well they fit but I have to lay down on the bed just to get them zipped and then couldn 't breath again until I took them off . So yeah . Anyway , I tried them on again yesterday and THEY FIT ! I 'm talking I just pulled them up and they fit . I buttoned them without having to suck in and I didn 't have to get on the bed and try to pull up the zipper with a pair of needle nose pliers ! Today was one of those days where I wished I had another set of hands and eyes around . One of those days I wished my husband wasn 't an OTR truck driver . I had some errands to run and one of them was going to the bank . But not just to the bank . Oh no , I had to go IN to the bank . Normally it wouldn 't be a big deal . But remember , my 2 little kids , ages 3 and 4 are with me at all times . I 'm talking 24 / 7 / 365 y ' all . I avoid going IN anywhere like the plague . It 's one of the reasons when I go grocery shopping , I GO grocery shopping . That way I don 't have to go for 2 or 3 more weeks . It 's what works for me . Anyway . . . I love my bank . I really do . But I didn 't love it today . I needed to get a certified check . The lady had me swipe my debit card and enter my PIN . Done . Next , fill out a check for the amount you need plus $ 10 . 10 bucks ? Just so they can print out a check . Rediculous . Fine . Here ya go . I 'm sorry Mrs . Sanchez but your signature doesn 't match . Can you please re - sign the check with your signature . Um . OK ? Sure . Nope still not a match . She 's looking , looking , looking to see if she can find my signature on another check that I have written . I write ONE check a month . My rent check . By this time my kids are entertaining everyone in line . A line growing by the second . She calls over the manager . She wants to see my drivers license . I hand it over . So now they have my debit card and PIN , my check and my drivers license and they STILL aren 't sure if I am who I say I am . They assure me it is for my own protection . I assure them if any of my information had been compromised , they would be the first to hear about it . Let me just tell you this . Every time I swipe my debit card and sign for a purchase , my signature is written . They sure don 't have a problem knowing it 's me then ! I 'm not kidding you when I say it took over 30 minutes in there . I threatened to withdraw all my money and switch banks by this time . The manager then told me she just wanted me to have " a little patience " . I don 't know about you , but when the next thing I can giPosted by I am up to my ears in ribbon . My dining room looks like WW3 just took place and it left all it 's crap for me to clean up after wards . Speaking of which , am I the only person that feels weird saying crap . I see a lot of bloggers saying that and I think nothing of it . Until * I * type it . Then I feel like my Dad is standing over my shoulder saying " Casey , crap is not a very Christian word to say " . It 's true . My oldest doesn 't say it . She calls it the " C " word . I have been making some new items to go in my Etsy shop . I am actually working on something now . A ribbon wrapped headband with a flower . I 've made the braided headbands in the past and I do enjoy making them , they are just more time consuming . This way I can get items in my shop , promote them and then hopefully sell them . This one will be for Valentine 's Day . My favorite time of the year to make bows . I love pink and red . And I especially like them together like in this bow ! My oldest wore this red one to school the other day and received so many compliments . She had girls asking where she got it from and when she told them her mom , they thought it was " so cool " . So , I have a few flowers to make for her classmates . : ) One year ago my husband quit his job . He quit because his job was being outsourced to India . Again . See 2 years prior to this , his job with a major shipping company got outsourced to India . Then * surprise surprise * their customer satisfaction went WAY down so they moved their software support BACK to the states . Just not back to where Chris worked . He got placed with a job he hated . Customer support . He sat at a desk for 9 hours a day and listening to people complaining . He started getting depressed . Not like clinically depressed . Just depressed about all the shoulda coulda woulda 's he felt he missed out on . Then he found out his job would be ending . The company told him that they would be slowing letting people go , anywhere October to December . He stuck with them until the end . He took about a week off after he quit just so we could get things in order . Financially and emotionally . He was starting CDL school . He and I had talked about this for quite a while . It 's something he and I 've always wanted to do . I can remember my mother telling me to go get my CDL way back in like 1996 . I never did . I should have , but I didn 't . I sure as heck didn 't want Chris to miss this opportunity to get his . He had turned down the chance once before and wasn 't letting it slip away again . Monday , December 7th , 2009 was the day that changed everything for us . I was now married to a trucker . For a year I had tried to get myself emotionally prepared for this roller coaster ride . The first 6 months after he left were the worst . I saw him 3 times . Well 4 actually . He just so happened to have a drop here in Jacksonville while he was out with his trainer so they stopped by and stayed the night . I have always considered myself to be independent . I was a single parent for nearly 5 years . I know how to handle being alone . What I didn 't know how to handle , was being a wife and being alone . I pretty much stunk at it . And still do at times . There were times during this year that he wanted to quit . He was tired . Worn slap out . I wouldn 't let him quit . I stilPosted by I love making bows . I started selling them about 4 * I think * years ago on eBay and Etsy . After that I purchased my own domain and BOOM I was selling my bows in my very own store . Soon after that I contacted a local boutique to ask them if I could sell my bows there . She loved my bows so pretty soon my bows were being sold in a real brick and mortar store . I loved it ! The owner of the boutique decided she would redo her website , making it look more professional . Since I had a web store already , she wanted to hire me to keep her website updated and to add new products . My business was growing like wildfire and I got burnt out . So , I quit . Like just canceled my website , pulled my name from everything associated with bows and basically went on vacation for nearly 2 years . I had more ribbon than one person should ever have and it was just sitting around . I tried selling it , but it was so time consuming and not very fulfilling . I finally am ready to start back making them . I had forgotten just how much I really do enjoy making bows . All I needed was a swift kick in the rear a little encouragement to get me going . It 's been a long time since I have been on a diet . The last time being in 2004 when I stared the Atkins low - carb diet . I dropped 75 lbs in 6 mths and then met my husband . I gained it all back plus some within a year . I am anxiously awaiting a new scale that I ordered online from Wal - Mart . Chris went to the store to pick it up tonight and it was about $ 20 MORE than the price online . What a rip off ! I ended up ordering the scale instead with free shipping and it will be here next week . I will take all the prayers I can get with this journey . I NEED to lose weight . I need to lose it for my husband , my children , and my family . But most importantly I need to lose it for myself . Starting tonight at 12 : 01 am she is offering her book to you for half off ! Her book currently sells for $ 12 and let me tell you , it is worth EVERY penny of that , but starting tonight her book will be on sale for only $ 6 . 00 ! ! When : Sale starts Black Friday ( Nov . 26 ) at 12 : 01am and ends Cyber Monday ( Nov . 29 ) at 11 : 59pm . First off , I survived the grocery store yesterday . The good news : They actually had a cart that held 2 kids for once . The bad news : The basket on it was so small I still needed 2 carts . At least I should be good for another 5 weeks without having to go back ! Second of all , my husband , my loving , hardworking , dedicated , fun , adorable husband is on his way home . I couldn 't be more happy right now . Well I guess I could be happier . But only if he walked through the door holding 1 million dollars and said let 's move to a deserted island and live happily ever after . THEN I might be a little happier . Next , it 's Thanksgiving this week ! Duh . Since we won 't be making it to my father 's house on Thursday , we are going to the next best thing . His cousins house ! They are very special to us and just some of the most wonderful people you could ever meet . I always feel like a better person after being around them . They just ooze positivity . I love it ! Last , but certainly not least , Lilly . She has been coming in my room in the middle of the night to sleep with me . Which means , she wakes up when I do , which means we get some alone time just the 2 of us . It doesn 't happen very often , even though I wish it did . She is a fun kid ! ! She has the best giggle and loves to be tickled ! I need to get my camera out . It 's been a while since I took any photos . I have been doing a lot of reading on how to take better pictures so hopefully they will turn out , well , better . : ) 5 . Newer appliancesWell we got more space but it was more expensive each month for the rent . No biggie since it only about $ 50 more a month then what we were paying , BUT water was included in the rent . Score ! That completely offset the higher rent . The way that our building is situated , none of our windows get direct light . This was a huge deciding factor in us getting this unit . Our old place had windows all along the front of the unit which faced west . The sun came through the windows for about 8 hours during the summer . The house never got cool . NEVER . Tile floors was a must . I absolutely despise vacuuming . It 's loud and I don 't like the way it smells . I know . . . it 's weird . Anyway , tile floors stay cool in the hot summer months and if our feet are cooler , then our bodies are cooler and we can leave the thermostat at a higher temperature . The newer HVAC was also a must . Our old place had an ancient HVAC unit . It was so loud we had to turn it off just to be able to watch the TV . Talk about annoying . It was inefficient and expensive to run . Newer appliances was a want , not a necessity , however I really REALLY wanted newer appliances . We lucked out with this place . This was the model condo for the community so the appliances had never been used . Newer appliances also equals lower utility costs so it was a win - win for us . Nearly everything on our list was geared toward saving money in the long run . I can honestly say , it has paid off . When we moved in we replaced all the bulbs with CFL bulbs and plugged all of our electronics into power strips / surge protectors . Every night I turn off the switches ( if they have even been turn on ) . Lights stay off for the majority of the day . We are lucky enough to have 2 big sliding glass doors that let in a LOT of light . Our electricity bill has been slashed in half since moving here . Also , when we renewed our leased for another year , the manager gave us the option to renew for 14 months . If we chose that option , we would get a discount of nearly $ 100 a month ! ! We absolutely jumped on that offer . Now not everything here is rainbows and unicorns . There is the occasional ogre that pops it ugly head in here . There are definitely new items that we have added to the list that will be for our new place . Land being one of them . Being in a condo community has it 's ups and downs . The biggest down for us has been dogs . People love their dogs here but don 't like picking up their poo . And the dogs especially LOVE our back yard . Signed , I am SO stinkin ' excited about seeing my husband . I think I am finally getting used to being a truckers wife too . This past time he went out has just flown by , which is GREAT ! I actually got some time off last week . My oldest was out of school Thursday and Friday , so on Wednesday we loaded up and headed to my dads house . We won 't be able to make it to my dads for Thanksgiving so this worked out perfect for us to be able to spend some time with him . All the girls love it there . He has a great big yard where they can run around and get out all the built up energy . By Saturday , they just wanted to lay around and watch cartoons . But now my house is a mess and I am running low on groceries . I try to only shop once a month now since I absolutely HATE it . We do make mini - runs for milk and eggs but that 's it . It 's been over 4 weeks since I have set foot into a grocery store and it feels great ! I have about 2 weeks worth of meat left in my deep freezer . I plan on putting most of that in the slow cooker in the coming days for easy but delicious dinners . I recently purchased a slow cooker e - cookbook and it is FILLED will great sounding recipes . I have been on the lookout for a waffle maker and a large electric skillet . There are tons of them out there but I have yet to find one that I like AND that is reasonably priced . My kids are always asking for pancakes and waffles for breakfast but I really , REALLY don 't like having to make the mess and take the time everyday . I make double and sometimes triple batches of pancakes so I can freeze the rest . Triple batches of pancakes in a frying pan takes a long time . LONG time . So my list grows and grows for convenience items . I should go to the Salvation Army store . It 's where I 've bought both of my bread machines , numerous baking pans and my electric mixer . OK . . . going to cook and clean . Care to help ? Home time ! ! I love home time . Love it . But . . . it always takes some adjusting on our part at home . Like big adjustments . Just about the time I get into a good routine and get the kids on a good schedule that works for everyone , it 's home time again . Now don 't get me wrong . I love my husband and I love having him around , I just don 't love having to adjust . I 'm lazy . Whatever . Really , I just don 't like to be bothered with it . I 'm not a fan of change . Why change something that works ? Right ? RIGHT ? ? ? On the other hand , I love my husband very much and want him to be as happy at home as possible . So , we change things up a little . You know , being a truckers wife really is like leading two separate lives . For approximately 9 months , I have been a single parent . The other 2 I have been a parenting team with Chris . It 's hard enough on me , I can 't imagine what a pain in the rear it must be for the kids . I really wish there was somewhere online that allowed me to meet up with other truckers ' wives . Just to see if they go through the same thing as us . I 'm sure they do , but it sure would be nice to actually hear someone say it that has been or is going through it . ( I know there are places online to meet truckers ' wives . I used to be a part of them . I don 't want to sound mean or conceited , but a lot of them were just as foul mouthed and raunchy acting as some truckers . Is that normal ? ) Anyway , I am getting way off topic which was . . . . . home time ! I nearly forgot . Home time is next week . My house is a wreck and I need to do some bulk cooking . I have laundry to do and dishes to wash . You 'd think I 'd get off my behind and do some work . . . . Sheesh . . . don 't I get some time off ? It 's a pretty common occurrence for my friends to call me up and ask me if such and such is a great deal down at the wall - to - wall mart or the grocery store . I am a certifiable penny pincher . I am . Really . I even have a whole ' nother blog chronicling my life as a penny pincher . I cut coupons , I buy 4 or 5 Sunday papers just for the coupon sections . I am that lady in front of you at the grocery store checkout that has a coupon for everything . I am also the one that can buy $ 200 worth of grocery for less than $ 50 . BUT . . . I had my husband to help me . We have 3 kids . I am but one person . My coupon clipping time has been cut down considerably and my shopping time even more . See , when you have 3 kids , you want to get in the store and out of the store as fast as possible . Shopping with 3 kids is kinda like herding cats . It 's difficult , lengthy , but is possible . This year has been a struggle for me . I like order . I like budgets . I like assurance . I LOVE consistency . OK quit laughing . I know this is the wrong profession for Chris to be in if I like all those things . I have budgeting software that hasn 't seen the light of day since November 2009 . I feel like a lost puppy wandering around looking for something , anything to come in and swoop me up and show me the way . I do need to pat Chris and I on the back for a moment . We paid off our car last week . 6 months early too ! We could have paid it off last February when we got our tax return , but we needed that money to live on until he got a steady paycheck . Steady paychecks have pretty much been nonexistent since he started in January . It has definitely been hard to get used to and actually still is . Last week he had an awesome check , this week . . . well . . . he will be lucky to get 1 / 4 of the amount he made last week . Now that our car is paid for , we have no debt other than our household bills . And since getting on the budget plan with our electric company , those bills are pretty consistent from month to month . I 'm gonna pull out the ol ' budgeting software and give it another go . I am also goPosted by In my tiny kitchen . OK , yes it was the delicious strawberries and sugar that made it good but who cares . Not me . I won 't be buying the stuff at the store again . Have you ever noticed how hard store brand jams and jellies are to spread ? I guess I never noticed until I made my own . They spread without ripping the fresh bread to shreds . The reason I didn 't can them was because I don 't have a canner . I wanted to purchase one but then realized I would need an expensive one since we have a glass top stove . I can 't use those cheap ones on glass top stove . . . . the Canning Center provides an institutional kitchen environment . All equipment necessary for canning is provided onsite . Users provide their own ingredients . . . . The client list includes Duval County residents , boaters , various churches , people on restricted diets , non - profit organizations within the city , the 4 - H School Enrichment Program and other governmental agencies . I may never want to go back to my little tiny kitchen . ( when I say tiny , I mean it . I have less than 3 ft of counter - top space . ) Home time came and went . All in all it was nice , but by the 3rd day I was ready for him to be back on the road . When the time came for him to go back on the road , I wanted him to quit . It 's a vicious cycle I tell ya . I was a little annoyed that we didn 't really do anything while he was here . Our alternator went out 2 weeks earlier and by the time we got it fixed , I had been without a car for nearly 3 weeks . He got home on a Saturday , the car didn 't fixed until Friday . One whole week of nothing . Wasted . On the bright side , I didn 't have to play hostess to any strangers . I don 't know if it 's just us or if other trucking families have the same problem , but we like to talk big . We talk about all the stuff we are gonna do when he gets home . The places we are gonna take the kids . The improvements we need to make to the inside of the house . ( read : de - clutter ) And guess what ? ? NOTHING gets done . WTH . It is seriously the MOST annoying thing ever . He suggested that he take the kids for an afternoon so I could have a few hours of alone time . Did he do it ? No . Annoying ? Absolutely . He asked me to wait to take the kids to the zoo until he got home . Did we go ? No . Annoying ? You know it . He promised to take our oldest fishing . Did he take her ? No . Annoying ? You betcha . He told me we would clear the clutter from the closets so we can actually use them for all things . . . clothes . Did we ? No . Annoying ? Of course . He did of course play his facebook games . * insert eye roll here * Annoying ? To the max . See the pattern ? Yeah . Not too difficult to see . He wants to relax . I get it . I really do . But we are a family and the kids want to do stuff with their dad when he gets home . they are completely tired of being around me . Actually I am pretty sure they are disgusted by the very thought of having to spend one more minute with me . This year has been THE most trying year of our marriage . I really don 't see how people can do this their whole lives . He has been in this for 10 months now and I am ready for him to throw in the towel . Chalk it up as a loss and moPosted by So even though I don 't post our weekly grocery budget anymore , I am still pinching pennies . I really am . Probably even more now that Chris has gone back on the road . When he is home , we spend more money . It 's no secret I am addicted to pizza . It 's really a love hate relationship . I love it , but I hate to pay for it . Where is this elusive pizza dough recipe . Believe me when I tell you this . I have tried no less than 20 dough recipes . They are pretty much all the same and pretty much all disappoint . They are either too think and bready or too thin and crackery . Bready and crackery . Now those are some words to make you sound REALLY smart . Geez . I need a recipe . I really GOOD recipe for pizza dough . I just can 't bring my penny pinching self to order pizza . I * almost * did it last night . It was gonna cost nearly $ 25 . 00 ! ! I 'm sorry but $ 25 . 00 for pizza ? Really ? I can feed 30 people for less than $ 25 . 00 . Heck I made an entire Thanksgiving spread last year for less than that . I can feel myself getting sick . Bleh . Sore throat that feels like it 's on fire . I am usually the last one to get sick though . I tell ya those public school germs are BRUTAL ! Yesterday was the day that my husband left to go back on the road for 5 weeks . I told myself I wouldn 't cry this time but it didn 't work . I tried to be as distant from him for the last 8 hours that he was home . He can always tell I am do that too . It bothers him but it seems to be the only way I can keep myself from completely losing it at the thought of him leaving . I feel like a big cry baby . Like I am weak and can 't handle things without her husband . That 's NOT who I am though . I have always been pretty independent . I was a single mother for 4 years so I KNOW how to handle things . I appreciate what he is doing . I know it 's as hard on him as it is me . He doesn 't want to leave the girls . He knows how much they miss him when he is gone . Chris and I were talking the other day about what I can do to help with the finances while I am at home . I offered to go back to work , but that idea was quickly shot down . Neither one of us want our kids in daycare . He wants me to get back into making bows and clothes . My craft room has been converted into a quest bedroom . I have some ideas about turning my desk area into an office / craft area . Just not sure about how cluttered it would look . For nearly 2 weeks now I have been feeding our family straight out of our pantry and living off of my stockpiled items . I haven 't been to the store once ! While I would love to say that this was some sort of challenge I set up for myself , sadly it isn 't . This coming Monday our car will have been out of commission for 2 weeks . The alternator died while I was driving to the auto parts store to have it re - checked . Ironic I know . It couldn 't have happened at a worse intersection . Or at a worse time . 6 lanes of traffic in one direction , 4 in the other . Thankfully I was on the side with only 4 lanes of traffic but it just happened to be 4 : 30 and I just happened to be sticking out into the intersection . Panic was setting in . I couldn 't get my car to start back up . It was totally dead . I have never been called so many horrible names , had so many horns honked at me or had so many dirty looks given to me at one time . Not one person stopped and asked if they could help . One person while stopped at the light asked what was wrong with my car . My response was " It 's dead and won 't start . " , " Good luck . " was his response back . Friendly town I live in isn 't it ? I called the police so they could direct traffic around me and ended up having to call a tow truck to move the car . As of today , the car is still sitting in the parking lot . Hasn 't moved since they tow guy dropped it off . I am 100 % certain this was another one of those " tests " that a certain someone like to give to us that have forgotten just who He is . I have no clue why I am being tested other than I have forgotten who He is . We don 't go to church as we should and it shows . We don 't live our lives like my husband and I have been taught . We do know better and we need to change . Our marriage is stretched thinner than a NY pizza crust . My kids misbehave more than ever . I am an emotional wreck . I miss my husband dearly and can 't wait for him to be home . I don 't like him being gone for this long . It has been 8 weeks since I have seen him and it hurts . He and I have made the decision to change . For the better of course . He is going to look for work here instead of being on the road . He knows he needs to be home . I put my 11 year old back into public school . I didn 't want to do it . But I had to . For my own sanity and for hers . It 's not that we don 't get along . We do for the most part . But for someone who never gets a break from their kids for months at a time , I needed the break ! She needed the break . The break that public school gives each of us . I get a break from her , she gets a break from me and her sisters . Win - win . I was just informed last night by my husband that his biological father wants to come visit him when he is home next . I told Chris I didn 't like that idea to which he replied by saying I was cold - hearted and then hung up on me . Ugh . First off I am not cold - hearted . I know he wants to spend time with his dad . I mean he hasn 't spent any real time with him since he was like 5 years old . I get it . I really do . I just don 't think the time to " find your father - son relationship " should be the first time you are home after being gone for 8 weeks . This next hometime should be spent with us , his wife and his children . Is that so wrong of me to want ? I don 't think it is . I think he owes it to us . To me . I know that makes me sound like a whiny little brat , but my job is difficult too . I deserve a break when he gets home . I shouldn 't have to play hostess to someone I don 't even know . That HE doesn 't even really know . The { short } time that he is home is precious to us and when we have to share that time with others . . . well . . . let 's just say I don 't do so well with sharing my time with him , with others . While he has been gone this year he has missed my birthday , our anniversary , Mothers ' Day , Fathers ' Day , all 3 kids birthdays and numerous milestones with the little kids . We have some ground to make up while he is here ! So it 's not that I am being cold - hearted . I just don 't think that NOW is the time to host a long lost family member . Am I overreacting ? My poor neglected truckers wife blog . . . I try to write on here , I really , REALLY do . But I will let you in on a little secret . I don 't have time to blog ! ! It is so very annoying . No time to just sit around on my butt all day typing or surfing the web . No time to prop my feet up and eat Bon - Bons either . Seriously , the reason I don 't post more is : I hate my husbands job I have 3 kids at home 24 / 7 I hate my husbands job I was homeschooling my oldest up until I had a nervous breakdown because . . . I hate my husbands jobSo as you can see I am not very fond of him being away cause get this . . . I actually LIKE being around my husband . * GASP * I know . . . hard to believe in this day and age but I do . I really do like being around him . Not only do I like him , I love him . More than anything . And that makes me miss him more that you will know . More than he will ever know . This last time when he left has been the hardest on me . I 'm not sure why but I think it 's because he was home for about a month while he was job hunting . I got used to having him around . The kids got used to him being around . And we LIKED it ! I am so ready for him to be home again . He has been gone since the 7th of August and I don 't expect him back before the 22nd of September . After that he will have to find a partner unless his company finds him one . Have a mentioned I hate his job ? Lord I hope this gets better . I have no idea what to do . Should I send her back to public school ? Should I not do the virtual school and just do plan ol ' homeschool ? AAHHHHH ! ! ! ! When my husband and I decided to homeschool our oldest again this year , I wanted to try out the Florida Virtual School . I had been doing quite a bit of research and thought this was just what she needed to keep her motivated throughout the year . I had been interested in enrolling her during previous year , but it was not available . This year , it was . Y ' all . . . this schooling is HARD ! I had no idea how much work was involved and how long it would take . I think the education she was getting at home prior to this year was pretty darn good and we didn 't do NEAR the amount of work she has to do this year . We are only on our 2nd full week of school and I am exhausted ! I don 't have time to do anything anymore . I mean it 's not like I ever had time to prop my feet up and eat bon - bons all day before , but now . . . I couldn 't even if I wanted to ! I will admit that today went MUCH smoother than last Monday . That was a doozie ! We fell behind in her assignments all week , but she was a trooper and finished them all up on Sunday . She told me she didn 't want to start out the week having overdue lessons . * good girl * That is one of the positives of this virtual schooling . . . accountability . It 's there all right ! Emails , live lessons , phone calls . . . They make sure you stay on track for sure ! He is NOT addicted to pizza . The big weirdo . Is it weird that I crave pizza like this ? I am curious as to what , if anything , does everyone else crave . I love for my whites to be REALLY white . When they start looking dingy , they get used as dust rags or sleep shirts . Whites should be BRIGHT ! ! My kids however think spaghetti and chocolate milk look best on white shirts . . . and we all know what fun getting those stains out can be . I don 't like my clothes to smell like bleach . It 's just not appealing to me . I couldn 't find a way to get those stubborn stains out without making the whole load smell like bleach . Bleh . That 's when I had the * brilliant * ( please note the sarcasm ) idea of using Clorox Clean - up with Bleach spray . Yeah . the kind you are supposed to use in the bathrooms . It works SO good ! I just spray on the item of clothing that needs it , wait about 5 minutes and then throw it into the wash with everything else . TA - DAH ! Well Chris found out to day that he will be going to an orientation on the 2nd of August . That 's good news ! It 's actually with the company that he wanted to go with originally but they were so overbooked with new drivers , the wait time was over 3 months . We just couldn 't wait that long . We are enjoying having him home . We haven 't done a thing ! My van is still at the collision center getting fixed . Going on 2 weeks now and it 's supposed to be even longer ! Good thing we got a rental . : ) Still no word on a new job for Chris . He has applied at several companies but since he has just under 6 mths , he will need a little more experience with most . He has been getting call backs , which is GREAT ! No one ever really called him back earlier in the year . That 's a good sign ! We are hopeful that he will be back in a truck by next week . . . well , at least in an orientation next week . We have a few more places that we are interested in him applying for . The kids and I have really enjoyed him being home this past week and are looking forward to having a few more days with him . I love having him home , but I am really ready for him to get back out there and drive . He misses it . And of course we miss the paychecks . . . I shared on Twitter the other day that Chris lost his job . So here we are . Back at square one . He was let go Thursday morning and he still isn 't home . They are keeping him on the truck for as long as possible because his co - driver isn 't experienced enough to drive alone . Oh and he isn 't getting paid . Yeah . I am NOT a happy camper right now . He is in VA at the moment on his way to Nashville . I will probably go either tonight or tomorrow and get him off the truck . I just want him to get a little close to home first . I am still in shock . Confused about what to do . But you know what else I am ? Relieved . Excited . I can 't wait to see my husband . I can 't wait for the kids to see their Dad . I can 't wait to do all the things that we have no been able to do since he has been gone . 6 months is a long time to be away from your family . Even though he wasn 't gone for a continuous 6 months , it sure seemed like it . 5 days here and 6 days there goes by too quickly . So there ya have it . Prayers for our family will be most appreciated . I am 100 % certain that this is Gods will . Another opportunity will arise , and it will be bigger and better than the previous one . Proverbs 35 Trust in the LORD with all your heartand lean not on your own understanding ; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him , and he will make your paths straight . He 's done . He made a mistake and it was a bad one according to his company . Not sure if he will be driving anymore for a while so not really sure what to do about this blog . Maybe I 'm bitter . Maybe I just know what I am talking about . Maybe I don 't have a clue . You make the decision . I am 100 % certain that most people don 't have a clue about what sacrifices are and how to go about them . I am 100 % certain that giving up satellite radio for a month does NOT constitute as a sacrifice . I am 100 % that if you can 't make ends meet with 2 adults working at home and no daycare expenses for your 2 children because your mom watches them for you while you work and whenever you want just so you can go out to dinner and drinks with friends every other weekend and any other time you just want " alone " time , you don 't have a freaking CLUE about making sacrifices . OK so maybe I sound a little bitter . Maybe I am a little bitter . But when someone tells me they are having a hard time making ends meet and I know there are things that can be cut out of their budget , it makes me cringe . Well last week and this week has been pretty boring . Everyone in the house is sick , including me . I sure hope I get better . I really don 't feel like doing much of anything while I am sick , but I am still having to take care of 3 other people that are sick . Ugh . Week 2 of summer break ! It 's been really busy around here . I 've been getting all of Caitlin 's paperwork filled out and turned in for her schooling for next year . We have decided to go back to homeschooling her this coming year . I wanted to try the public schools here again and not to my surprise , they are still pretty much the same . They teach to pass tests , not to learn . They spend half of the school day trying to get their class in order and discipline the out of control children . My child wants to learn and she can 't in that sort of environment , so it 's back to homeschooling we go ! Monday - Barley Breakfast Hash , oranges and biscuitsTuesday - Cubed steak with onions and tomatoes over rice , broccoliWednesday - Enchilada chicken , rice and saladThursday - Tuna noodle casserole , breadFriday - Homemade pizzaSaturday - Pigs in a blanket , chipsSunday - Sandwiches or leftovers Yesterday , a guy backed up his big ' ole truck into the side of our van as I was driving behind him in the bank parking lot . I didn 't see him and he didn 't see me . It was simply an accident . Thankfully it wasn 't out on the interstate or on the highway at a faster rate of speed , but it still did quite a bit of damage . Kinda hard to see the dent on the sliding door , but I can assure you , it goes all . the . way . down . The black streak starts on the front quarter panel where there is a small dent and then continues to the back bumper . I did manage to go to the bank and to Walgreens to get diapers , but it did ruin my trip to the grocery store . I ended up going back to the store later that night and it was a success ! No one munched me this time ! ! Today … ugh . What a day ! I seems like every time I get up to do something , my husband calls me and needs directions or wants to know where the nearest " whatever " store is . Let me just tell you this … trying to find a store when you have no idea where the other person is located is pretty darn difficult . I know it sounds easy , but it 's not . It 's even more difficult when you have 3 kids screaming in your ear and the radio going and the dishwasher going and blah blah blah … you get the picture . BUT ! ! ! I have managed to get 2 roasts marinated , beans with sausage cooked , every single dish washed and delegated some chores to my oldest . She is on bathroom , floor and trash duty . Summer is here and I couldn 't be happier ! I tend to let things slide in the summer and that includes dinner time . We usually eat later during the summer since the days are so much longer . This year however , I am determined NOT to eat dinner past 7 : 00 pm . I like to have my free time in the evenings and that means the kids still need to go to bed at a decent hour . 8 : 30 during school and no later than 9 : 30 during the summer , although it 's usually a LOT sooner than that . I like to keep things as normal as possible . I 'm not one of those parents that lets their kids stay up super late on the weekends and summer vacation . I would go crazy ! With Chris being gone so much , the only break I get is when they are sleeping so I LOVE night time . Don 't get me wrong , I love my kids ! ! ! But I do enjoy a little alone time too . It 's only natural . For this reason I will be starting back up with my menu planning . It 's such a big help to me . Monday - Beans ( slow cooker ) and rice with rolls or cornbreadTuesday - Pot roast , baked potatoes , green beans , leftover rollsWednesday - Creamed chicken ( double batch ) over rice , broccoliThursday - Homemade hamburger helper , green beans or saladFriday - Chicken shepherds pie , sauteed spinach , breadSaturday - Homemade pizzaSunday - Pigs in a blanket , sandwiches or leftoversSo there ya have it . Nothing special but hopefully will keep us on schedule this week . Looking for more ideas ? Check out orgjunkie . com for LOTS of other menu ideas . When did being a Christian become so … hurtful . Insulting . Hateful . I use Twitter for networking . I have met some amazing new friends on there and I really enjoy learning about the trucking industry from the pros out there . What I don 't like are the " Christian " truckers out there spreading their hate of certain types of people through their updates . I am a born again , God fearing Christian and have been for most of my life . I was raised in a loving Christian home with 2 of the best parents in the world . They taught me what it was like to be a Christian . And I have tried to live my life they way I was taught . Am I perfect ? Um . Not even close . Do I care ? Not in the least . Perfection is something that can never EVER be achieved . All I can do is try to be a more perfect me . A better person . A better Christian . I don 't understand it when people talk the talk but then don 't walk the walk . I can sit here all day and tell you I am a Christian , but if my actions or words tell you something different , what good does that do . Have some compassion people ! ! Put yourself in someone else 's shoes that is less fortunate than yourself . Even if it 's only for a minute . You will quickly realize how blessed you are and how tiny and insignificant your problems truly are . Psalm 145 : 8 ( King James Version ) 8The LORD is gracious , and full of compassion ; slow to anger , and of great mercy . * * Please note this does not apply to ALL truckers . Y ' all know who you are . . . and so do we . * * Why is it when you hear the word trucker a dirty , smelly , cigarette smoking , pot bellied , flannel wearing redneck comes to mind ? ? Or is it just my mind ? I love truckers ( obviously ) but come on guys ! ! * and some girls * there is really no reason to be grungy and nasty . And don 't even get me started on the cigarette smoking ! Y ' all … that 's nasty . As in disgusting . Y ' all know that it is and you still do it . Why ? ? ? WHHHHHHHY ? ? Why is it that my husband , who happens to drive teams , can 't even find one driver available that doesn 't smoke . I know how much the drivers at his company make and I can tell ya right now , they aren 't making enough to support a smoking habit . They are probably barely making enough to support their families . Quit smoking already . It 's really NOT that hard . I use to smoke . I smoked for nearly 15 years before I quit cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant almost 5 years ago . Yes I had headaches , yes I gained some weight , yes I had withdrawals , but so what . You knew when you started smoking that it wasn 't good for you and don 't try to tell me otherwise . I knew it at 15 and there wasn 't anything anyone could say to me to change my mind . And please , for the love of Christ , take a freakin ' shower . If you are so tight on your time that you can 't take a shower at least every other day , you aren 't planning correctly . Even if you don 't have time to go to the truck stops and wash your whole body , go to a dang rest stop and wash your arm pits and face . Or buy yourself some baby wipes and give yourself a good wipe down . You would be surprised how much better you would feel . And brush your teeth . Please . You are on the road representing your company ! Look good for them even if you aren 't happy with them . This is your job and in this economy , you are lucky to have one . Take pride in it and wear the title of " trucker " with that same pride . You are after all , what keeps this nation moving . KeePosted by I don 't consider myself an overly compassionate person . At least I didn 't think I was . Until now . I 'm not sure if the mother in me , or the fact that I had such a great childhood but was such a freakin BRAT to everyone and now I feel lame about it . But my compassion meter is going through the roof lately . First off , we are NOT well of by any means . We can hardly keep up with our own bills much less contribute to a good cause to help someone else . We have 3 kids . My husband is a truck driver with only 4 months of driving experience . I stay at home with the kids so we seriously have ZERO extra income . Heck we hardly have an income at all . But I realized something this weekend . We are freakin RICH ! We have our health . We have our loving marriage . We have 3 absolutely gorgeous children . We have a very supportive extended family that would give the clothes off their backs to help us . We have a roof over our head and food on our table . Every . Single . Day . We actually have excess stuff . Too much stuff . My husband got a new co - driver this weekend . He didn 't want to team with this person . He 's a smoker and Chris really isn 't a fan of smoke . He hates it actually . It gives him headaches and makes him sneeze all the time . But this guy was the only available guy to team up with him at this time . There is no doubt in my mind that God brought this person into our lives . This man has it bad . Really bad . He lives in a tiny apartment with his wife and 2 kids . His wife can 't work because she is legally blind . I 'm not sure what is wrong with his son but I am pretty sure he is mentally handicapped . He is 12 and about the size of my soon to be 4 year old with the speech to match . He is broke . He just finished his month long training with the company and is already nearly $ 700 in debt to them because of advances . Chris told me he brought 1 bag of food and a case of ramen noodles to the truck . Of course I immediately went into freak out , overly concerned mode and loaded him up with so many groceries I don 't think they will have to shop for 5 weeksPosted by Warning : RANT aheadDo you ever feel inadequate ? I mean really inadequate . I 'm not even sure that is the right word I am trying to get across . I have had a job ever since I was 15 . That is until I became a stay at home mom almost 4 years ago . And since then , being a mom doesn 't seem to be a good enough job for some people in my family . People will ask me when will I go back to school and get an education ? When am I going to go get a " real " job ? When will I get tired of just sitting around all day doing nothing ? When are you going to do something with your life ? So I ask you this , when did being a mother become an inadequate job ? I work my butt off 24 hours a day , 7 days a week , 365 days a year and on top of that my husband is away for about 90 % of the time . And for what ? To be told what I am doing is not good enough ? Um . No . Remember back in the day when being a mother and being home with your children was expected of you ? How did we go from that to where we are today ? Why isn 't being a mother considered a successful career ? I have always felt like I couldn 't measure up to certain people in my family . Like whatever I did was never good enough . When will just being me be good enough ? I never knew what I wanted " to be " when I grew up . All I ever wanted to do is be a mom and try to raise happy healthy kids . I am doing exactly what I wanted to do my whole life yet that isn 't good enough for some people . This is something that my husband and I prayed over , thought a long time about and agreed to . We have made LOTS of sacrifices so I can stay home with the kids . We live VERY modestly just to be able to afford our monthly expenses . We are teased and made fun of because of the way we live . I buy in bulk so I don 't have to go shopping every week . I have a pantry full of food and personal hygiene items but for some reason , that is funny or weird to some people . Maybe they don 't mean it the way it comes across , but it hurts still the same . So to end this completely random rant , I may or may not go back to school . Posted by In other news , I have been painting the walls in our house . See , I have 2 little girls who like to draw messes all over the freaking walls mommy beautiful pictures on the walls . You know , because they don 't have enough coloring books . Since when is 498 , 289 coloring books not enough ? To their defense though , our walls only have primer on them . The brainiacs that painted this place when we moved in didn 't finish the job . Have you ever tried to get marker / crayon / highlighters off of PRIMER only walls . Yeah … it ain 't pretty . I went through at least , AT LEAST 5 magic erasers on 1 little teeny tiny spot behind my desk . Good Lord it would take me long and cost more to do the whole house . AND since our crown moulding is white , our base boards are white and we have tile throughout the house , guess whose job just got easier ? ? WOOT ! Can you say easy cleanup ? ? So I thought … why not just make the chicken with out the marmalade and make into a Mexican type thing instead of sweet . WOW . It was delish . Place your chicken in the pan and pour the sauce all over the chicken , use about 1 / 2 a can of water to get all the sauce out . Then sprinkle the remaining ingredients over the chicken . Turn to coat well . Cover and bake . ( I baked at 425 because my chicken was still a little frozen and I was in a hurry . Just use whatever temp you use to bake chicken . To each his own ) Remove foil and continue cooking until the outside is nice and crispy and brown . My pickiest eater proclaimed she did not want to eat this . But when I put it in front of her , she gobbled it right up ! She finished the chicken before anything else . I shared what all we planted in our " garden " a couple of posts back but It 's not really a garden , garden , more like a container garden . I wanted to do a table top garden but we ran out of time when my husband was home last time . So containers it was ! No blooms on this one yet . See those 2 hanging baskets in the back ? I 'm gonna put tomato plants in those too . When my Dad was here weekend before last , he hung up 3 more hooks for me . I have 2 jubilee tomatoes to put in there . Here 's my pepper plants . They are in a container with 2 tomato plants until I can get the tomatoes out of there . I left them outside yesterday when we had a HUGE storm come through so they are a little beat down at the moment . I had to put sand over the soil because of the gnats that were swarming . I did some research and I think they are called fungus gnats . They like the damp soil and they really go to town on your roots . The gnats were also getting into the house and driving me insane . Gnats be gone ! This is what it looked like outside my house yesterday evening . The huge storm came through very early yesterday morning and then it stayed pretty much cloudy all day . The clouds started rolling in again while the sun was setting . It was such a weird shade of orange . It 's science fair time at Caitlin 's school so she has been working on it for about 4 weeks now . She decided to do an experiment on which soil will basil grow best in . We used red clay , dirt from the backyard and potting soil . Of course she knew which one would do best but what she didn 't know was just how much the different soil would affect the plants . Take a look . Here 's all 3 together . What a difference huh ? And here 's the outcome of the fertilized soil . So like I said all in all it took about 4 weeks . 2 . 5 weeks to start the seeds and get them big enough to plant and then in the different soil for about a week and a half . We had no idea that the red clay would just kill the plant so I think that was the biggest surprise of the whole experiment . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ We also attended an open house on Tuesday night . It was at an awesome Christian school here in town . We actually a little out of town . Actually is ALLLLL the way across town from us . At least 30 mins to get there . All interstate . Traffic . Boring . That is gonna be the deciding factor I think . There are lots of other schools that are closer to us , but they don 't offer all the extra resource classes that this school does . Since I absolutely do NOT want her attended public school next year , we have to consider funding . That means work for me . But not work as in office work . I 'm gonna set up my Etsy again and start selling dresses , bows , skirts and anything else I can possibly make . It 's gonna be a BUSY summer for me ! I was so young . Clueless on how to raise a child . I just lost my mother in September to cancer and had NO clue what I was doing . I was 16 hours away from my dad and I was about to have a baby . I was only 22 years old ! TOO young if you ask me . It was the worst of all 3 of my pregnancies . Morning sickness for 7 months straight . I was so ready for it to be over . Homesick , depressed and in a bad relationship were not the best circumstances to bring a baby into this world . But at 9 : 57 pm on May 7th , 1999 , my oldest was born . I finally had someone who I could love and could love me back unconditionally . I brought her home from the hospital on Mother 's Day , which for me was pretty darn special . There is a radio station in my dads town that starts off their morning show program with this saying . Everyday . I used P - Dubs picture , copied the text on top and then hung it right above my desk . OK so this wasn 't such a " wordless " Wednesday after all . Maybe I should have called it " less words " Wednesday . HA ! Posted by I take lot of pictures . I mean LOTS of them and I never seem to print them off and actually do something with them . That 's all changing though . Recently when pilfering through some junk impeccably organized drawers , I happened upon some photo paper . Letter size , high gloss , Kodak photo paper to be exact . I printed off about 10 photos I really liked . Bought some el ' cheapo frames from the Dollar Tree and hung them up . I must say I was VERY proud of myself . I snapped a quick picture with my cell and sent it to Chris . I just knew he would think it looked awesome . " It looks good for not using a level and a ruler " was his EXACT response . I think a little piece of me died right there because you know what … . I DID use a level … AND a RULER ! I think the reason they look a little wonky is because the red and black frames are slightly different . I think the red ones may be just a little smaller , hence the crooked look on the bottom . But can you believe what he said ! ! Grrrr … the nerve ! I have more to hang up too . Maybe this time I won 't use a level and ruler just to see how they come out . I 'll keep you posted ! |
It seemed kind of strange this morning not to have a cup of coffee waiting for me on the nightstand this morning but it is good to be back . Roy went into the office this morning to catch up and get ahead of a few things before 2015 . Buddy is happy to see me and has followed me around most of the time . We left Asheville around 7 : 00 am and arrived at Hammond , LA around 5 : 00 . We did the usual check in and then go over to East of Italy for dinner and then to Books A Million for a quick look around . I made it till 9 : 00 before falling asleep . Once again our room was located close to the railroad tracks and from falling asleep to waking up , five trains rumbled through and we could feel the vibration . All kinds of songs went through my head , mainly Johnny Cash and Gladys Knight 's Midnight Train to Georgia . We decided to look at the positives to the room , at the end of the short hall so close to the elevators and only one wall connecting with another room . After a week with the vampires , that truly was a blessing . Remember back in the day when hotel rooms had those magic finger beds that vibrated when you put a quarter in ? Well , we got that for free with those trains . . . although there was the cost of the room . . . but you know what I mean . We saved a quarter . . . a buck twenty five when you consider the five trains . The other positive is we overlooked the parking lot and we could see Sequisha from our room . Up early on Tuesday , we left the hotel around 5 : 30 am . It feels like a great accomplishment when you get across the Mississippi River Bridge and the causeway across the bayou . Breakfast was at the Lafayette CB , which we kind of like better than the Sulfur one and we made a stop at the new Buc - cees in Baytown . For the record , their BBQ sandwiches are the bomb ! And Buc - cees is one of the few if not the only place that carries bottled Diet Coke with Lime . Stocked up on a few of those . Looks like we brought cold weather with us and for that I am grateful . There will be a few more days of feeling great before a warm spell comes baYears ago when I taught an evening Sunday School class , I did a series on finding peace in chaos and junk . Each week I used Google Maps asking the class as they looked at an overview of an area , did they know what I was wanting them to see and to find . Each week the view was zoomed in a little more until the final week , the picture showed a covered picnic table in the midst of a landfill and recycling center in Baytown Texas . In the midst of junk , in the midst of chaos , in the midst of being surrounded by things no one else wants , in the midst of the cast offs of life stands a little covered picnic table . . . Now , I don 't know of too many who would like to take a picnic lunch or your family there to spend a lovely afternoon . As much as we wouldn 't , too often we find ourselves there by fault or no fault of our own . So in the midst of chaos comes change and you can find that little place of rest and peace to center yourself as you begin the journey out of the landfill , away from other people 's trash and walk into newness of life and persevering as you do it . You can 't do this kind of thing in your own strength , but God knows the map and the journey . He goes ahead of you and gives you strength . You might say really ? How do you know ? Ah , this my friends has been the journey of 2014 . . . . I 've persevered . I have kept the course and the faith . Proceed was 2013 and Persevere was 2014 . Since I am Baptist and we love alteration , 2015 's word will also begin with a P . . . I will be blogging about it . Posted by Sunday evening and we are wrapping up our time here in Asheville . As our home becomes more and more ours it gets harder and harder to leave . We worked really hard this week with contractors and we worked hard getting the bedrooms ready . No sheets on the beds , but just wanted to check out the bed covers I had picked out . We went through all the containers we have brought up the past two trips and put away everything we could . Thank you for all the compliments on FB of how inviting the rooms look . The house was designed to reflect a farmhouse style and nothing says farmhouse to me like white iron beds . We raised the height of the twins and our bed . Note to self get little stairs for short friends who visit . The queen bed is regular height and so are the corner unit beds . Today , after church and lunch we came by the house to wrap up the last few things that needed to be done . One of the things on our list was to use the washer and dryer and see how they did . I could almost classify them as antiques but they will do for now . It was difficult to leave our home today but there was a silver lining . We finished up early and didn 't want to return to the hotel just yet , so we went to Biltmore Park which is a lot like City Centre . Roy saw a primo parking space , so we were close to everything . We ended up at Barnes and Noble . . . no surprise there and scored some 50 % off items for our home here . Of course we decided to take them to the house instead of carting them home and back on another trip . Yea , another trip to the house . We were so happy to learn that the vampires who have been next door to us all week checked out yesterday . On Friday night , they argued , yelled , and slammed the door so many times , I only got about two hours of sleep . This is where you think about doing some mischievous like removing their do not disturb sign or going to the house phone and calling their room with their wakeup call . I cannot take credit for those ideas , those were Roy 's . Mine were real matured like slamming the door and singing about beingNancy Mon Good evening . It has been a full day of work especially for Roy . In preparation for mattress delivery tomorrow , we put together two twin beds , adjusted our bed and put together the queen bed that the seller left for us . We had to take it apart to move it to the second guest bedroom and just able to finally get it back together today . We also tried out the washer and dryer and they work well . Roy and I take such different approaches to these things . I 'm thinking we should work on the beds that are getting mattresses and Roy is concentrating on the queen bed . We go down to the garage to look for some scissors or something to cut plastic ties and boxes . I knew that we brought those things on our last trip and to look in those boxes , but Roy starts looking through the boxes we just brought . Finally , he believed me and we found the tool case that just happened to have a box cutter in it . We began to put the twin beds together and other than a few missteps here and there , we were done without an argument or words . Roy knew we needed to get a big wrench to hold the nut , not me , as the allen wrench tightens the screw . The little one provided did not do one bit of good . He looked at the queen bed again and saw we could use some different washers . . . so we headed to Ace , where the helpful hardware man is . . . and yes , they are always so helpful . We got the wrench , washers and a few cleaning products . Then we stopped for lunch at KFC . They have a great southern buffet and we got the senior discount price . We weren 't old enough but we decided it was Roy 's hair and my limping walk that maybe scored the discount for us . Had some chicken legs with all my veggies . And there is always room for JELL - O . We got back to the house and worked till sundown . We will be back bright and early tomorrow morning . We stopped at the Post Office to mail some mail to the seller and mail a couple of bills . Across the way is a huge farm . Every morning and afternoon the sheep are on the sides of the hills grazing . This morning while Roy was in the Post ONancy Mon Merry Christmas ! What started as an overcast day turned into one glorious sun - filled , breezy Christmas day . Another morning to sleep in and we did as much as Roy can sleep in . 6 : 45 am is late for him but I can usually make it till 8 : 00 am . Since we were Christmas lunching at the Bistro on the Biltmore Estate , I had a light breakfast of yogurt and fruit . On Thanksgiving Roy was able to get a housekeeper to clean our room while we ate but guess Christmas morning is a later type morning for housekeeping . We both have good books we are into , so we read for most of the morning until we heard the familiar sound of a vacuum cleaner . Booya ! Roy was out in the hall finding a housekeeper . We took our books downstairs , ok our iPads and read in the lobby . This morning I made a list for fun , you know when you 're not staying at the Biltmore on Christmas . You know you are not at the Biltmore at breakfast . There most are dressed festively and finely for Christmas brunch . Here at the Holiday Inn , families come to breakfast in their jammies . Nothing says festive Christmas like kids constantly pulling their underwear out of their . . . . . . . underneath their pajamas . We were the only fully dressed in the breakfast area . This has not happened on any other day , just today , Christmas day . The fireplace is warm and inviting at the Inn at Biltmore . The fireplace here at Holiday Inn is broken . . . One little Christmas tree on a table here , big , huge real tree at the Inn at Biltmore . Tonight at the Inn at Biltmore a candy bar with bags to put candy in and here at the Holiday Inn , I have a Snicker bar . Lot 's of differences but the main difference is here at the Holiday Inn we have a house in the mountains . So sacrificing the ultimate Christmas stay is worth it We drove around the estate before we checked in at the Bistro . Lots of changes going on . All the sheep were tucked away snuggly in the barn . Only a couple of geese graced the lagoon but as usual everything is beautiful . We had a delicious lunch , I went with the butternut squash soup , steak aIt is so fun to read through Facebook on Christmas Day . Fun to see the pictures and wishes to friends and family . There are always a few that are just strange and odd . There are the Debbie Downer status updates , have fun , but in all you fun keep Christ in Christmas . I think He is in it all . Oops , no fun means Christ is here . . . what ? ? ? ? No ! Look at us being crazy updates , but really in fact , not one thing they are doing is that crazy . It is what most people do . The ' happy ' Christmas pics where no one is smiling . . . is always kind of fun to look at . Give me chaos and mess . Give me dinner or lunch pics . Let 's see fun . . . let 's see smiles or joy . Let 's face it some people are just the hall monitors of Christmas and they are pretty much the hall monitors in their lives . They are the hall monitors of Facebook . At least they are consistent . All is calm , all is bright . Christmas Eve somewhere in Asheville . We are all settled in for a long 's winter nap . . . well , not really . Roy is going to walk over to Zaxby 's in a minute for our Christmas Eve dinner . We experienced a lovely day and since we didn 't have to be at the house to meet anyone or take care of anything , we took the day off . That meant sleeping in , late breakfast and a little local shopping in downtown Asheville along with hundreds and hundreds of our closest shopping buddies . On a misty , cold , rainy morning everyone should be at the mall so we thought but after Siri gave us wrong directions and our adventures of driving around and around downtown looking for a parking place came to a fever pitch when we discovered we could park near the Grove Arcade and have just a short walk to one of the best Indie bookstores around , Malaprop 's . I have not visited the store since April , so it was a real treat to spend some time there today . Roy brought his iPad and got a cup of their delicious coffee and read while I decided what books to buy . They have a great local authors section that I can take way too much time in . After making a few selections we walked back to the car and took off toward Mast General Store in Asheville . Parking is a premium more in this part of town and after the one pass around the building , we made the best decision and go onto the antique warehouses , most of which were closed . But a few were open and we had fun looking around . Even came home with an unusual Biltmore Dairy bottle . Unlike home where everything stays open until the last possible minute , it is not like that around here . It is something to appreciate and love but it can also be a bane in the day before Christmas experience . We explored the area around our hotel and found J & S Cafeteria . We decided that sounded like a great place . When we opened the doors to J & S , we opened the doors to a life long ago in the cafeteria realm . Not like an upgraded Luby 's , no LuAnn Platters , no trendy blackened dishes . . . but the long narrow aiFor many years gingerbread men have been a part of our Christmas . My mom made them every year . When she got to the point where she couldn 't make those , she made a gingerbread cookie . We have been on the search for a gingerbread man but our luck wasn 't too good but today at the bookstore cafe , Roy came over to me with a gingerbread man cookie . Yea , Christmas is complete . We are thankful for the gift of Jesus , born in a manger , Emmanuel , God with us . We are thankful for the life we have through Him . This season we sit still remembering that night when heaven came to earth with the announcement of Glory to God in the Highest , Peace on Earth goodwill to Men . Posted by Good evening ! Greetings from the couch in our room . Roy has gone down to the fitness center and I just washed my hair . Another long day , with some setbacks , finished projects , learning of an expense we hadn 't really planned on , multiple trips on house business , lots of rain , Mexican food for dinner ( thank you Jesus ! ) and a Peppermint Blizzard to end the day . It has been a wild day for sure . One of the things that I have to balance out time wise is Roy 's narrow focused attention without thinking of the big picture and his tendency to be way too early for everything . Couple that with his early morning energy and go get her done attitude with my tremendous need to ease into the day and there my friends , lies the problem of balance . This morning Roy ate breakfast as per usual either thinking he is eating in prison or he is reliving his days of growing up with four brothers , this means he is wolfing down his food . I on the other hand , saunter . I was just about to stand up to get some yogurt when Roy looked at me and then looked at his watch . OK , I will forgo my yogurt today , but if I get all whacked out with my probiotics being off kilter . . . well , let it be on your head . Fancy that , we made it in time to the house to see the contractors already working on the new steps and we had beaten the flooring people . I dropped Roy off at the house and then took off to Waynesville . Barber Orchards closes for the season tomorrow at 3 : 00 . Roy wanted me to get a bushel of apples to take home . Since I was hitting the road early , I decided to make a quick trip to Mast General Store in Waynesville . I could have parked in the front but went to the back street and found an easy parking spot . It was a short trip because back at the house progress had hit a wall . The hardwoods didn 't match as well as everyone thought they would . We decided to let them take up a couple of boards of what is in the house to match with samples at the store and we would meet up with everyone at the store later to see if anything else that would match . Roy told Nancy Mon Monday . . . we are back to the hotel after being gone almost twelve hours . It has been a long day but a productive day . I love how we learn things that we need to know by just talking with people as we go about our days . I love how much we appreciate the gift of our home each trip we make . It was an exciting church service yesterday morning here . The choir presented music for us to experience and worship the King of Kings . It has been years since hearing a choir cantata , probably the last time was at Westbury Baptist when I was a kid . This one was exceptional and the choir sounded great . We grabbed a quick lunch at Turkey Creek Cafe and then headed home to meet the painter and his wife came along with him . We had a nice visit with them . Roy and I ran a couple of errands and went over to Vivian and Bills for coffee and cake . Great time with them but it came time for us to leave because I haven 't mastered these mountain roads in the dark . The usual dark roads were somewhat lightened by Christmas lights on many of the homes . The decorations and lights reminded me of the decorations of long ago . It is not row after row of homes with the ubiquitous white lights around the roof line . The lights here are multi colors and lots of nativities . Well out in the country where we are there are many . The morning came too early but at least we didn 't need to be back out to the house until 9 : 00 am . Jonathan and the stair rail man stopped by first . It looked like the new tall toilets would not be installed today but it was a computer glitch and not lack of product so the plumbers came over a little bit later . We also got the good news that the hardwood and carpet guys were finished up early with another job , so they would be able to begin the tear - out job of tile and carpet this afternoon . Viktor called too and he would be at the house at 1 : 00 to take the measurements for the granite . That gave Roy and I an hour to pick up lunch and get back . We went to KFC because burgers did not sound good to us . Lunch was just finished when ViktorI went to Sanctuary of Stuff . It was a full house of locals shopping local . I found a few things and then headed to downtown to walk about . Antique stores around here are closed on Mondays but I was able to find a close parking place by a furniture store that we have always wanted to go through . I came on back and waited with Roy as the floor guys finished up getting up all the tile . Roy and I did some work outside digging a small hole for the address plaque we ordered . Knowing that the ground is rocky and hard we worked quite hard . I could not help but think of all the novels I have read about planting and digging here in the mountains and here we were doing just that . Only not digging to plant crops . It may look calm and quiet on the outside but this next week the inside of the house will be all abuzz with work going on . We stopped in to unload the car but before we did that , we walked around looking at the beautiful paint job done by Keith . I love the yellow we picked for the walls and the gray in Roy 's man cave turned out very nice . Pictures to come later . Our route was through Atlanta this time because of all the construction and wait times in Tuscaloosa Alabama . We left home at 4 : 09 am , stopped in Sulphur for breakfast and I 10 was really not all that bad traffic wise . We had just crossed into Mississippi and decided to pull into their Welcome Center . Roy was getting a cup of coffee when the lady behind the desk asked us where we were headed . We told her and she said there had been a big accident about eleven miles down the road . She told us how to get around it and where to hook back up with the freeway . So we headed down the road , kind of bummed that we would lose a little bit of time but our grousing came to a quick end when we saw the beautiful view of the gulf along the Mississippi coast line . We drove through Pass Christian and Gulfport . White sand beaches , large homes with old southern looks , boats and some very cold looking water . We needed the break from the dodging in and out of traffic and keeping up the speed to stay in the left lane . There was a time I would have totally missed out on the drive because I would have been more concerned about how much time being was being added to our time on the road . Another thing we learned is eat something for lunch before you get past Mobile on I65 . The pickings are slim to none . We finally found a McDonald 's near an Indian casino . We ate dinner about an hour before our stop in Fairburn , GA . We arrived about 7 : 45 pm and I was asleep by 9 : 00 . We began our road trip in cold and misty rain this morning . We were going through Atlanta about 8 : 30 am and we could not believe how bad the traffic was , that early in the morning ! I thought Houston was bad . We saw some crazy drivers and some near misses . Since our breakfast had been kind of bad , when we got to Asheville , we stopped for lunch at one of our favorite places , The Moose Cafe . Another veggie plate only one of those veggies was chili . I know , go figure . Looks like we will have cool temps here this week , but no snow . That 's ok . It is just a great relief to be back anNancy Mon What a fun night of non Bunco , Bunco . Peggy hosted the Christmas edition of Bunco last night where we eat dinner and have a gift exchange but no rolling of the dice . Peggy made chicken spaghetti and it was delicious ! I thought I would make it home with the soft infinity scarf and Target gift card but the gift was stolen from me , so I stole the warm throw and scent filled candle from Peggy . Everyone was going to go over to the five boy house afterwards , but I came on home because Roy goes to bed so early and has a difficult time sleeping until he knows I am home . Besides , while at Peggy 's we got an email from our contractor with timing and dates for work being done at the NC house . I forwarded the email to Roy but he rarely checks his email at night , so I wanted to get home so we could talk about the plans before he fell asleep . Our granite counter tops won 't be installed while we are there but the tear - out of the old sink and counter tops will happen . The template for cutting the stone will be done too . But the tall toilets , stair rail , new steps from the garage into the kitchen and added step on the deck will be done . Then this spring we will have the porch screened in and the terraced swing area in the front done . This Christmas season feels like it is flying by and we didn 't even decorate for the holidays . I have been trying to be so mindful and present in the season because it is tempting to think beyond now and into the new year because there is a lot of exciting changes that will be taking place . Several asked me last night if it is difficult to come back after being someplace that is so beautiful . It will be harder once we have everything moved in and it looks like home . I 'm excited to attend a new church that has big church things but with a respect for the timeless benefits of smaller church . Production values are minimal and graphics aren 't advanced but who cares ? The congregation seems to care about one another and because the size of the church affords it , you can get to know the pastor . . . because he iWith Chris coming in the morning , I am trying to get everything in order . I have made great headway with a few more things to attend to . Posted by Sunday afternoon was quite fun wrangling a trundle bed that did not want to cooperate . I was out in the casita bedroom and came to the conclusion the day bed needed to be moved . That would be easy enough , the hindrance the trundle bed underneath . Since these knees don 't bend much , it was nearly impossible to do this alone , so the call to Roy went forth for what I thought would be fifteen minutes of work , tops . Ha ! It was a major chore pulling the trundle out but we did it and moved the bed only to realize where it was originally was the best place for it . During the time of pulling out the trundle , we both came dangerously close to hitting our heads on the bottom of a shelf on the wall . No one wants to hit their head and this one didn 't want to have to clean up the mess if said shelf was bumped by her husband who kept forgetting the shelf was there even with fifteen or so warnings from the wife . There would have been some breakage of knick knacks , you know lambs and Nordstrom ornaments . I wanted to keep our project togetherness without an accident or words in tact , but it just wasn 't meant to be this time . Once the bed was back in place , we made the executive decision to leave the trundle out and Chris will just have to clean around it Thursday morning . Now to right the trundle bed which was slightly tilted with one end of the bed higher than the other . Roy stood there and mentally assessed what needed to be done . He made several attempts but none worked . He once again took that ' thinking ' pose . Being the patient person that I am and thinking if we just put it in an upright position with a little force , the bed would right itself , I did just that . And yes , the bed righted itself only I upset Roy when I did that . He wasn 't upset like a macho upset , let me be the man , no he was upset because he knew when I righted the bed by picking it up and placing it down forcefully , health wise , I shouldn 't have done it . He may or may not have said a cuss word and went out to the courtyard . As an aside , back in the day if he was mad at me or we were both perturbed with each other , I wouldn 't let him leave the house to go outside and walk it off because I had a serious case of abandonment issues due to the actions of my father while growing up . I had been left at malls to search for a new family because he didn 't want me anymore , he faked called , I think it was fake , the orphanage to come pick up my brother and me , packed suitcases and left us at night making us think we had to fend for ourselves and dropped me off on the side of the road with instructions to find my own way home or find a new home . Therapy and thousands of dollars later , I let Roy go outside to cool off and didn 't think for one second he would leave . Over the years abandonment has become less and less prevalent but it can rear its head at the strangest times . Roy came back in , we both apologized and went on with the process at hand . . . process and progress are always good to go hand in hand . We are both so happy we decided to go with twin beds in one of the bedrooms in NC instead of the trundle bundle thing . . . Thursday after Chris leaves , we will make the beds and Nancy Mon Monday morning . . . . with lots to do and take care of , yet I am compelled to sit and write a blog post when I have nothing really interesting to write about . Yea , like that has ever stopped me before . Friday , because Roy was home later than usual , we didn 't get our usual Friday stuff done . And we had planned to go out to dinner that evening but opted out for take out . I was still recovering from the Wednesday evening heart episode . Saturday , Roy went to Bible study and then took Sequisha in for her oil change and check up . I continued wrapping up projects that we had started during the week and then Roy finished up his part of the projects Saturday afternoon . Riveting , I know . But wait , there 's more . Dena invited Roy and I to go to dinner and then to Bethlehem . Roy declined the offer because of work he brought home from the office , but I happily accepted . We had dinner at Three Olives . It has to be one of my favorite places to eat out here in Rancho De Five . Then we drove to Bethlehem by the way of Nazareth . Well , actually , we drove to Current Christian Church to experience their Journey to Bethlehem . We opted to take the express pass for $ 10 . 00 instead of waiting over forty minutes to go for free . Our journey began in Nazareth . . . well , actually it began in the parking lot as we followed the star , I mean flashlights to our spot , which happened to be under a huge floodlight . Anyway , we kind of mingled around in Naz waiting for our family to be called . We were the Micah family . Our family motto : We Lika Micah . No , I just made that up . Benjamin and Hannah were our guides through the Roman soldier encampment , visiting the Magi on their way to see Herod , shepherd field , Zebedee and his sons James and John fishing . . . . well you get the picture because we all were headed to Bethlehem to be taxed because of the decree of Caesar Augustus . They did take a little license with the journey , you know we just happened to run into the Magi and Roy says Jesus was about ten years older than James and John , but heck . . . you have to have soNancy Mon There are several authors whose work really speaks to my soul and most of the authors are not Christian writers per - se but some of them are Christians but not of the evangelical bent and some are so far away , doesn 't anyone just stay in one place anymore . . . . oops , so far away from ' Christian . ' They challenge me to think and ponder . One author in particular is celebrating another best seller with book stops and tours that are making her weary , tired and cranky . Her brother reprimanded her by reminding her , she is a best selling author and what she is doing , so many writers and authors would give their right arm to experience . So he told her to shut up and get on without so much whining and complaining . . . and that comeuppance got her attention and she righted her path . She wrote a short article for an online magazine about the experience and that little story of life spoke so deeply to me and where I find myself from time to time in the here and now . The song that goes through my mind at least once a day is , ' Jesus is a rock in a weary land , a weary land , a weary land . Oh Jesus is a rock in a weary land , a shelter in a time of storm . ' Yes , too often than not I feel like I am a resident of the weary land . And , I shouldn 't be with all the exciting things going on with our home and the plans we have for it and for the desire that God has placed on our hearts for some things there in the future that only He can do . . . . yet , here , on the prairie , I find myself in the weary land . Oh yes , I know the verse from Galatians , not to grow weary in doing good but nevertheless , the weary land is my residence if I let myself drift to that land . There are people whose weary land is much more extreme and wearying and my heart and prayers go out for them . But honestly , we all have our weary lands and the landscape looks different in everyone of them . The route and map may look differently for each of us on the journey or our short trips to weary land . The weary land doesn 't necessarily mean we 've gotten there through sadness or harsh reaSecure whatever ill betide , a shelter in the time of storm . What a beautiful morning . Buddy and I watched the sun come up . Well , I think she had her eyes closed most of the time but she purred her little heart out while sitting in my lap . I awoke much earlier than need by and just decided what the hay . . . why don 't I get up and thus the morning began . Christmas time is peppermint time and I don 't rightly know why . Don 't get me wrong , love peppermint candy , coffee , and hot chocky during the season but the rest of the year . . meh . This morning 's coffee flavor is peppermint . The cream is Bailey 's Irish Cream Caramel and the two together is not a bad combo . Last night our friend and Realtor Courtney , came by with comps of similar houses around us out here in Rancho De Five . We also did a walk through our home and I did let her know that the excessive lambs and books will be removed . Also , everything on our church pew will be going up to NC . Roy and I kind of differ on the timing of everything but reason won out . . . compromise was struck and we have a more defined plan . But the major elements still are moving some of our furniture to NC , finding a condo closer to downtown for Roy that is big enough for when I am home in the winter , and selling our little house on the prairie . Our home will be a nitch sell since it is not conducive for a large family but our lot being right off the green space and with a usable cul de sac for guest parking are strong selling points . We also received pictures via our friends Vivian and Bill from our painter Keith . Oh my , the house is looking wonderful ! I love the gray colored walls in Roy 's man cave . I 'm also glad we stuck with yellow walls everywhere else . It is so bright and cheery . Keith thinks he will be finishing up this week which means the hardwood in the family room and kitchen can be installed and new carpet upstairs . We went with a practical nylon Berber which will be long lasting and trail resistant . Granted , it will look like office carpet but hopefully the accessories will downplay that aspect . The bed risers and bed skirts came last weekNancy Mon After carrying an iPhone 4 around way past its prime , entering the world of iPhone 6 Plus wasn 't the smooth journey one always hopes it will be . It doesn 't help that Roy went to the dark side of Android and is almost no help when it comes to trying to figure out the this and that of what seems totally counter - intuitive to my logical thinking . . . so guess with that statement the truth is , operator error . With all the improvements made every time a new phone is introduced to the world , it seems they could upgrade the experience of switching phones . Wouldn 't it be great if everything could just be switched over ? Without any fuss ? Without any frustration ? In hindsight my recommendation would be , don 't get the new phone after a long day when one or both of you are so very , very tired . Over the years Roy just asks me to stay home near a phone store and he takes care of the details . Love him for that ! But after the eight phone calls within minutes of each other , impatience on my part sets in and I know he is experiencing it at the store . Only difference , he can 't act like a baby while I am afforded that opportunity to do so in the privacy of our home . Now here is the kiss of death statement when the associate tells you , ' its so easy , everything will show up eventually and you 'll have almost everything you had on the previous phone . ' So I 'm thinking these things will just magically show up . Ha ! Once we plugged in the phone to my iTunes account , it did become a little easier but then I am instructed to update the phone . . . uh , couldn 't it have come totally updated ? When I do that a screen pops up on our computer telling me that there is a problem with the phone and with iTunes or something . I have no clue but I did figure out how to begin adding my apps back to the phone . I may or may not have pounded my fist on the desk and lamented loudly of losing my journal , nostalgic musings ( app ) , magazine subscriptions and snap chat . For the record , I didn 't lose them . Once the drama abated , Roy settled in with a bowl of ice cream and It is now Monday morning and seeing the sun coming through the windows is a welcomed sight . I do like an overcast day though . Thankfully , this is an ease into the day type morning and and ease into the week type day . We had a good weekend getting several projects taken care of and off the to do list . We watched a lot of football in between and while doing our projects . Roy fixed ribs on Saturday which were delicious and we heard Natalie Grant Sunday morning at church which was fabulous . Peggy texted me Saturday night for us to make plans to watch the I Love Lucy Christmas special together and that came complete with my choice of soup or her chicken enchiladas . You can 't say no that kind of offer . We had the chips and dips and Bill and Peggy came over last night for all of us to watch the show together . What a great time ! The colorized version of the candy factory episode added a lot of detail I had never noticed in the black and white version . All my I Love Lucy factoids and trivia came back to me as we watched like , the teleprompter was invented by one of the writers on the show . Ricky was the one who thought to use three cameras to film the show and that is pretty much how sitcoms are shot today . Since Friday night 's phone debacle Monday morning proves to be I am better with the new iPhone now , only thing . . . getting used to the larger size and where it fits in my travel purse . . . thankfully it works and I won 't have to carry my usual everyday purse which is a little heavy for travel . Posted by This morning I spent a little over two hours at the Orthopedic office for my one shot injection into both knees . They were running a little behind and the staff assured me that this was an exception rather than the rule since they added a PA and a room dedicated to injections . Only thing , a child was in the injection room because there was no room in the inn , I mean other waiting rooms , that needed attention . Good thing I had brought a really good book but I think this might have been a little test because this morning while praying , I happened to mention to God once again to help me live life joyfully and not turn into the cranky , grumpy , self absorbed older type person . I don 't want to become that oldie that never smiles and grunts out my unhappiness . I will say an embarrassing thing did happen while waiting . . . my nose whistle decides to show up out of no where . What ? ? ? The people around me are trying to figure out where that noise is coming from . So I did what any other normal person would do , start looking around trying to find the source of that noise so that they don 't suspect it is me . I did have to hold my breath . This morning , I got the opportunity to live out what I am asking God to do in my life . Waiting rooms are interesting . They are filled with people that are as different or as alike as a group can be . There are those in the boots with crutches , the ones with walkers and wheelchairs , family member who had to bring the person to the appointment , people with wrist and arm casts and then the cranky ones , but my favorite person today in the waiting room was an older lady with a new attendant / helper / driver and this lady was pulling some fast ones that were just plain funny . They sat near me and the lady began explaining to the new person she 's hired what the schedule will look like for the next few weeks and once all the official ' business ' was taken care of the older lady asks her new employee if she would like to hear some stories about her family ? What 's the girl going to say ? Not no . Older lady beginNancy Mon We encountered our first little scare with our home in NC . Our painter called last night to let us know someone had gotten into the house and left a goody bag on our fancy smancy card table . He felt like someone had come into the house on Sunday . Roy called him this morning to check up on the bag since Keith hadn 't opened the bag yesterday . It was nothing to be concerned with since there wasn 't anything in the bag and we probably left it on the table on Friday morning but we thought the worse . We are a little concerned with this organizer person and she has a key to the front door , just in case . . . . She knew we left on Saturday but my response to her text about her bill was pretty short and to the point . If she had done this we felt it was a breech of trust . We knew we needed to pray and we did . As Roy was leaving this morning he said , don 't let the enemy have any victory to which I responded with a verse from a Ce Ce Winnans song . . . " Out my house ! " Not to Roy , of course , but responding to not letting the enemy have any victory . We will have all the locks changed out after all the work is completed . I think there is a nest being built in our backyard tree . Or maybe the nest is already built and I 'm just now noticing the activity . Two small birds , probably wrens , do the wait , look around and then dash one at a time into the center of the tree where the branches are the fullest . When we moved into our prairie home the area was in a severe drought . With such a small yard we thought , it will be so easy to move a sprinkler around , we don 't need sprinklers installed . Ha ! It is to laugh . It was harder than we thought and soon had them installed but one thing I did do is water that tree in the backyard . Our builder showed me the stress lines in the trunk of the tree and told us to water the tree every other day if we wanted it to live . So many an evening I sat out on the back patio with the hose and watered that tree . The drought here is over but that tree is something special , at least to me . It brings such joy to see that tree thriving and opening its limbs for the household of a couple of wrens and many days there are doves sitting under that tree , relaxing . The tree closest to our fence on the green space a few weeks ago sported Baylor leaves of green and gold . Upon returning home , we found the tree to be mostly bare , only a few brown leaves clinging to the limbs . As is often the case , it is now Wednesday . Laundry , homework and other things like that inhibited me to return to finishing up the post . A fun evening though as I met Dena at Tony 's for a quick dinner and then a look see at her Christmas tree , that Peggy and I helped her pick out , and her Christmas decorations throughout her house . Very festive , very Christmas . Tony 's is the best Mexican food for cool and cold days . Their cheese enchiladas are the best ! I didn 't want to but I got two days behind on the 40 day Praying Circles devo but yesterday let me get caught up . Each day 's devo has been prayer and thought provoking . It is one of those books that is changing the way to do things that I have been in practice of doing for so long . Kind of like the JourNancy Mon We arrived home yesterday morning around 10 : 15 and one of the people who works for Roy told of the horror stories of getting over the Mississippi bridge in Baton Rouge and the long ride on the causeway bridge over the Atchafalaya Swamp that happened as the busy return home travel day wore on . She said they saw four accidents and cars running out of gas while sitting over the swamp . It took them over 6 1 / 2 hours from that point to get back to Houston . We left Hammond about 5 : 00 am and went over those two places really early . We only stopped briefly in Sulfur for gas and found a doughnut shop selling boudain kolaches and we were on our way . As we got closer to the glorious Texas border , the traffic picked up . Our trip home came via Atlanta and through Auburn and Montgomery . With College Game Day in Tuscaloosa and with lanes closed throughout the area , we opted for the different route . Once again the early drive time in Atlanta did not cause us lost time and we arrived in Hammond around 3 : 30 in the afternoon . We checked in to the hotel , then went across the street to Books A Million and ate an early dinner at East of Italy . Dena and I discovered East of Italy several years ago and the food is delicious . They also have the friendliest staff . I was in bed falling asleep at 6 : 30 and just barely knew that the Bears squeaked out a victory over Tech . Roy said he went to bed at 7 : 00 . I have stayed in that hotel several times but this is the first time in a room on the east side of the hotel . . . which just happens to be very , very near a railroad track . The first time I heard the whistle and rumbling sound of a train , I thought the track might be in our room and in my tired and dazed sleepiness thought of the I Love Lucy episode with the train and the moving bed . Of course it was nothing like that , our bed didn 't move and we didn 't have Fred and Ethyl with us . The second and third train barely woke me up . Getting home early and not cranky tired meant we got so much done . Got the laundry started , grocery shopping done and wentNancy Mon |
Have you ever had trouble picking paint colors ? What about trying to describe what colors you 'd like to have ? I think of this particular scene each and every time I go into a paint store . This is one of my all time favorite movies . I 've probably seen it a dozen times . If it happens to be on TV , the world stops and I sit down and watch it . Mr . Blandings Builds His Dream House ( 1948 ) Cary Grant & Myrna Loy . The Money Pit was a remake ( sort of ) of this movie . I went on a movie quest one long cold winter and watched as many Cary Grant movies as I could find . I had already been a fan but I felt I needed to see more . It made that particular winter in Coldwater , MI a lot easier to handle . I found that I really did like Cary Grant - Archibald Alexander Leach . There was another movie ( comedy ) where one of the main characters was named Archibald Leach . Can you name that movie ? ? I 'll post the answer in the comments later today or tomorrow . Watch this . . it 's fun . Even today I catch myself saying " my cats " or " I have two cats " when in actuality I don 't have two kitties anymore . I only have one . I got Maggie and Mocha in 1996 . A woman came to my sisters garage sale when I happened to be there and I was saying that I wanted to get a cat again . This woman spoke up and said that her litter of kitties were ready to go and if I wanted , I could come by and pick one out . I first spotted Maggie because the way the black wound around her eyes like a bow . I loved the deep dark coloring that she had . She also clung on to me for dear life when I held her up to make sure she really was a girl . I wanted to take all of the kitties home , that 's for sure , but Maggie was my first pick . I needed to have a sister for Maggie . I wanted two girls . I checked all the other kitties and found three more girls . I looked at them all and there was this one that was scared to death . She kept trying to hide . She was so skittish and I loved her immediately . She was lighter in all of the colors - just as Maggie 's colors were rich and dark , this kitty was lighter . I chose her and named her Mocha . Well , in 2006 our lovable , 28 pound Maggie , who loved Tom with all her heart , died . Tom had his liver transplant Dec of 2005 and he was just starting to be able to be with the kitties again when Maggie died . We 'd been through a hell of a year and to lose Maggie was a lot to take in . Everyone knew about how much we loved Maggie and so my friend made this plate to commemorate her . Isn 't it beautiful ? ! ! She made it at one of those paint - your - own - pottery places . On the back she signed her name and put Maggie 's name and year . I thought it was such a lovely thing to do for us ! She told me right away that she made the plate and I 've looked forward to seeing it since that very day . Last Friday , exactly a week ago today , I received a box of books and the Maggie plate . My friend finally got the commemorative plate mailed to me , that she had lovingly painted 2 years earlier . In a way , I 'm glad it took a few years , because now I proPosted by I thought I 'd send a little sunshine and warm tropical thoughts to the frozen north and everywhere else . I 'm sitting here in Jacksonville , FL right now listening to the rain pouring down , while I 'm bundled up under a down blanket . I 'm thinking I need some tropical weather ! So I pulled out the only thing I have right now - - a painted shed . Several years ago , in a land far far away , there once was a pool shed that was drab and dingy . The little brown pool shed sat behind a little brown house in the woods with tons of strawberry plants , lots of weeds and just a couple of deer . While doing dishes in the never - been - updated kitchen with the bright blue laminate countertops , the focal point of the backyard was the pool and the little drab pool house . Then one day Kristin discovered the paintings of Thomas McKnight and she had an idea ! Why not ask her very talented sister , Alison , to come and put a little pizazz on that pool shed . So we poured through the McKnight book that I had and picked out a few paintings that we liked and Alison merged them all together into one picture . One really incredible picture . I really wanted to have a porch in the painting . I love how McKnight puts the viewer in one space and then with the use of columns or windows he frames out a completely unique space on the other side . Alison married these things beautifully on this odd shaped building . I loved watching her work . She is the only one in our family that has painting and drawing talents , so watching her is always fascinating . Wouldn 't you just love to sit on that porch , with all of that beautiful molding around the windows and the fancy scroll work framing each view . . . . and look at the fancy molding in the ceiling area of the porch . . . so cool . Doesn 't it look like you are standing on the porch , looking over the pool of that grand mansion in the background ? When I was inside doing dishes in the winter time , this gorgeous work of art shined like a beacon out from the sea of white . I loved this pool shed from the very day she started on it . I also Posted by Welcome to another edition of Works for Me Wednesday . If you 've been here before you know - this is a blog carnival where hundreds of bloggers participate by posting one of their helpful hints to make all of our lives easier or a bit more fun . Shannon ( Rocks in my Dryer ) , the host of this carnival , is giving tips for Moms whos kids are in sports . So please go to Rocks in my Dryer and see what tips you might find helpful - and please leave a comment for me as well ! One of my very favorite things to write with is a Sharpie . I write cards with Sharpies , envelopes , packages , lists on Post - It notes , nearly everything that requires writing , I write it out with a Sharpie . My love of Sharpies has caused me to purchase more Sharpies than I needed and consequently , I put on my list of 101 Things to do in 1001 days , that I was not to purchase any Sharpies for a whole year ! It was so hard to do - I was surprised . My year was up the middle of January 2009 and I 'm happy to report that I did not purchase a single Sharpie . I still have not purchased any because I got so many for Christmas ! ! I got clickable fat ones , and clickable thin lined ones ( that I had never seen before ! ) and I got personalized ones . My sister purchased these personalized Sharpies for me from the Sharpie Store online - - Click Here for your own Personalized Sharpies . Why does this work for me ? . . . because it is such a great , unique gift that even those that aren 't all Sharpie crazy like me , would be thrilled to receive . They are $ 12 for 6 . What also works for me - - tell people what you want and chances are real good you will receive it . I blogged of my love for Sharpies and I received 4 packages of multicolored ones and then a dozen personalized ones on top of that from all sorts of people . I 've decided to extend that no Sharpie purchases for another year because I 've received so many . Thanks everyone ! ! I 've loved my gift more than you will ever know . I show off my personalized sharpies all the time and this weekend I was able to stop someone from taking my SharPosted by Here are just some fun photos from our lunch on Saturday . Actually , it was our breakfast , but since it was nearly 1pm , we 'll just call it lunch . Here is the new photo of Steve and I - I 'll just add it to our " Through The Years " photos - I cut out Kalao in the first one - - but allowed him to stay in this second one here . We were sitting at the FoxCafe on Ocean Blvd . in South Beach . I 'm not sure where exactly this cafe located - but maybe in the 800 or 900 block of Ocean . This was Steve 's lunch . Doesn 't it look gorgeous ? ! ! It was salmon with asparagus and rice and of course a little hollandaise sauce . I thought putting the rice in the cups of radicchio leaves made the whole dish look fabulous . I had a steak salad and Kalao had a bowl of soup and a greek salad . Ours looked good but Steve 's was exceptional . All of us ate every bite of food . This was the big draw to this restaurant . All of the drinks were Two - for - One . HOWEVER , Steve was the only one who wanted a drink ! This is Steve with his Mojito . He said it was one of the best ones he 's ever had . I wouldn 't know , I 've never had one . He convinced the woman sitting next to us to order a Mojito - she did and she didn 't care much for it . I wouldn 't have felt too bad about it , except that we found out , too late , that each drink was $ 30 ! Who has a Thirty Dollar Drink ? Goodness ! But she drank her $ 30 drink and by the end of it she thought it wasn 't half bad . LOL Remember I said the drinks were Two - for - One ? In South Beach you can get alcohol drinks to go - so thankfully Steve was able to take the second one with us and sip on it for the rest of the afternoon . That drink , by the way , really is that giant . I left my sunglasses in the car , that was given to the Valet at the hotel , that I wasn 't planning on getting out again until Sunday - so Steve gave me a pair of his sunglasses to use for the weekend . I would never normally wear anything this wild and crazy . But I was with a bunch of goofy boys in a beachy town - no one even noticed . Hope you have enjoyed the trip , I know I did ! KrPosted by Here are the few photos I have of the architecture of South Beach , FL . I love the colors , the bold stripes on the buildings , the shapes and sights and sounds . I love all of the pink buildings . It is just so cool that a house or a hotel can be pink and no one really thinks it looks out of place . It just fits down there . I thought the brand new sign in the old style looked fabulous . I stopped in the middle of the road just to get that palm tree in the photo just like that . The things people do for a good photo . Good thing Steve was with me so he could take the hit from the car first ! ( Oh Steve , I 'm kidding - you were totally on the sidewalk ! ) I want a fence like this . It would need to be painted every year . . . I may have to hire that out . Tomorrow - Pictures of Steve and I . 25 Random Things About Me25 . I must read aloud when in an instant message chat with someone . When my husband is home , I do it very quietly . 24 . I really enjoy writing letters . 23 . I don 't use my dishwasher because I love to wash dishes by hand . 22 . In Kindergarten my teacher wrote on a progress report that I was always afraid no one liked me . I still think that way . 21 . My online persona , Kirby . . . everyone likes her . 20 . I don 't like going to bed because I 'm afraid I 'll miss something , but I love napping . 19 . I love going to hotels . 18 . I have my sisters name tag from Macy 's on my fridge . 17 . I do not own a pair of flip flops . 16 . I really like writing and think I could be a writer , but I don 't understand English grammar . 15 . I don 't like the sound of the ocean or running water ( like a fountain . ) 14 . I love to quote movie lines . " The Jerk " is one of my all time favorite quotable movies . 13 . I don 't know my right from left unless I think of it in terms of driving and turning right or getting into the left - hand - turn lane . 12 . I like to read True Crime books11 . I really dislike getting wet . This includes showers . 10 . Buying clothes , shoes or purses are real low on my list of things to buy - - Office supplies are so much more fun ! 9 . I own three pair of shoes , two are tennis shoes . 8 . Clowns freak me out . 7 . I like to look for and collect bicentennial quarters because they remind me of my Grandpa Corlett . 6 . My favorite dishes are the pottery bowls that I have collected from various art fairs , vacation spots , pottery guild sales or local shops . 5 . I read billboards , signs and other assorted printed material in the wrong order . I also read things too quickly and add in my own words - for example thinking the Michigan Dyslexic Institute was the Mexican Dyslexic Institute . 4 . Wearing a hat gives me a headache almost instantly . 3 . I like to drink chocolate milk with three ice cubes . 2 . I laugh every single day . Most of the time I do something goofy that makes me laugh . 1 . I love to watch the same movie over and over again . I have a rotation oPosted by No pictures today - Turns out most of the pictures were on my friends cameras ! I totally forgot about that - so tomorrow I 'll have to see what I actually took . The Cavalier Hotel in South Beach , FL was a lot of fun , although we had probably one of the most undesirable rooms . Our room faced the garbage and the delivery ramp for the hotel next door . ( we decided to just keep the curtain shut . ) I stayed up so late the two nights we were there , that I can 't honestly say if the beds were comfortable or not . . . I just crashed . The neat thing about South Beach is that there are about a hundred restaurants - at least one per hotel - on Ocean Drive . We would walk and walk and walk trying to decide which of these incredible looking restaurants we were going to choose . We never picked a bad one . Our hotel was no different , the restaurant was great , the staff was awesome , and according to all of the people that I was there with - the drinks were good . We spent hours on the patio of the Cavalier . For the boys that I was hanging out with , Cocktail Hour was important and took up about 5 hours of the day ! Two hours in the early afternoon and three hours in the evening . However , we laughed and talked and laughed and told stories and listened to stories and laughed some more . I have never stayed in one of those old Art Deco hotels before , so this was a real treat . I loved walking up and down the road looking at all of the architecture , seeing the beautiful lights and enjoying the weather ! ! Goodness , it was so nice to be in warm weather . I 'm glad I got the opportunity to go and spend time with Steve ( and all of his friends - - Kalaho , Craig , James , Peter , Jet , Junior and Tim . ) Have a great week ! KristinEDITED : I forgot to mention - the last meal that Steve and I had together . . . the bill was $ 22 . 22 I am in South Beach , FL - - wow what a place . Two years ago , the very first time I visited , it was cold and rainy . I was shivering . My friend Steve had just been on a week long cruise and was exhausted - so mostly what he wanted to do was sleep . We sat and chatted that trip and I did enjoy his company - but the timing was all off . This time around , he 's going on yet another cruise , but I 'm seeing him before the trip . The weather is just gorgeous , we went to the beach today , and moments ago I sitting in front of the hotel with a bunch of his friends listening to their stories and laughing up a storm . We have just had a blast . I will have some photos tomorrow ! Kristin I 'm going to visit my friend Steve today . He 's taking a cruise out of Miami , so he decided to come a few days early so we could meet up and hang out a bit . Steve has been my best friend since I met him in 1983 . He signed up to be part of the stage crew for our High School Musical , " Hello Dolly " and I was part of the chorus that year . He had just transferred into our school , so he was very lucky to have met me right away ! I am a year older than him , so I had the honor of graduating from High School before him . He managed to get several degrees after HS to totally surpass this event - - but I 've got a picture of me being first , so ha ! LOLSteve 's family lived in Michigan for quite a few years , so we would see each other quite a bit when the holidays rolled around , even though he moved to California . This picture was taken at his brothers wedding - Steve 's hair was all one length , way past his shoulders as I recall . It was quite a look ! He 's gone back to short hair again . It suits him . Now that I have moved to Florida , it has been a bit more difficult to see each other while we are already on a scheduled trip . However , I 've gone out to Santa Cruz several times to visit him and I 've even taken Ingrid out there to meet him . I 'd say we see each other about every two years , give or take a year . Two years ago Steve went on another cruise , out of Miami and I drove down after his cruise to see him . He was so worn out from all of his late night dancing that I 'm thinking we 'll have more fun together this time around when I see him before he parties for a week . I 'm leaving today and come back on Sunday . It should be a total riot . I love you Steve ! We 're going on 26 years of friendship . Kristin I 'm a Ward Burton fan . I am ! He hasn 't even driven a NASCAR Cup car in a few years - heck he hasn 't even driven the # 22 Caterpillar car in more than 6 years . But my favorite number is 22 ( which if you have been around long enough is 11 : 11 in my book LOL ) , I still get a little thrill whenever I see CAT equipment or anything Caterpillar for that matter . My friend , JB ( aka Bob , ) found a post card in her Aunts mailbox one day that said that Ward Burton was going to be appearing at a Certainteed Shingle factory in Norwood , MA in about a week . She knew of my Ward obsession and picked up the phone and called me . She was so excited . After she told me , I was totally there . The following week I loaded up my car and drove about 800 miles to meet up with JB and her sister in Norwood , MA . The event was a lot of fun actually . Ward arrived on time , he gave a little talk ( I was in the front row smiling like crazy ) and when it came time for questions and answers I had a question . . . He had broken one of his winning trophies and I asked if he had gotten it repaired - he told me no . . . that his wife has it propped up in the corner of a cabinet . Then we had a photo session . Everyone who wanted to could go up , shake Wards hand and get a Polaroid photo as well as a signed postcard ( above ) and a few other goodies . I was one of those annoying fans and I wanted to be close as possible to him , so I stood right by his side rather than standing back and putting out my hand . He later told JB , her sister and I not to spend too much time in the pubs . It was so funny . A couple of days later I got this letter thanking me for coming but also to let me me know how much he loves the Certainteed shingles he put on his own home . This was such a fun impromptu roadtrip . I got to meet my favorite driver in a fairly small venue - there were just a hundred people there . . . that 's hardly anyone in comparison to the crowds that come to the speedways . It was also a lot of fun to spend that day with my friends . I have been mourning the loss of NASCAR in my life . TomPosted by Welcome to another edition of Works for Me Wednesday . Shannon over at Rocks in my Dryer is talking about how to clean a pan that has burnt on food in it . Her remedy for this problem is one that I told my own mother about when I was in High School . I was a cleaning fanatic then , too . A few hundreds tips can be found at Shannon 's so check out my tip , leave me a comment and then POP over and see what else is cookin ' at Rocks in My Dryer . I found a newspaper clipping the other day that I wanted to send to my mother . It was actually her brother 's obituary from 1979 . Her 's had been pasted into one of those sticky albums at the time and trying to get it out of there would just tear it to pieces . The obit that I found in my stash of papers was still flat and pretty well preserved , amazingly . I decided to send it to her , since I had scanned it , I really didn 't need to keep the actual clipping . To get this fragile piece of paper to her in as good condition that 's possible through the postal service can be quite tricky . . . so here 's what I came up with . 1 . Newspaper clipping2 . Magazine3 . Post - It note4 . Tyvek mailerTake the newspaper clipping and put it into the middle of a magazine that you think your recipient just might like to read . I found a fairly thin magazine here at my house about outdoor spaces . I live in a condo now , so I don 't need this magazine anymore . Place a Post - It note on the page where you have placed the clipping . Make sure it sticks out over the top of the page , so it 's easy to see . Place magazine , with the newspaper clipping into a tyvek mailer or any other flat mailer that won 't get damaged if it gets a little damp from rain or snow . Address , stamp and send ! Be sure to send this first class . You want to make sure it gets handled fairly gently . . . but the whole reason for putting the clipping in a magazine is that the magazine can be bent and rolled without doing any damage to the clipping . All those pages keep that paper nice and safe . I know that they sell those photo mailers or you could put cardboard in anPosted by I have a friend named Ingrid that I met in 1983 when I went on a trip to Scandinavia . I went with the Blue Lake Fine Arts group - the Choral section . There were about 250 of us I think . We had a band , orchestra and the choir . The choir consisted of just 43 of us . The Band and the Orchestra traveled together I think , but the choir was all on its own . I loved it . We left from Detroit , refueled in Bangor , Maine and then flew over to Stockholm , Sweden . We were to stay in 9 cities in 28 days . I remember most of those cities and most of the faces of the people we stayed with , but the one family that I fell in love with within seconds was Ingrid and her family . Ingrid . I love her so much . She is a few years younger than me and when we first met , she held my hand and for the next 5 days she hardly let go . She called me her sister after the first evening . We 've been sisters ever since . I have a rather large box that is just full of letters from Ingrid . They date back to 1983 . We have always written letters . We tried email about 10 years ago and it was actually a bad thing . It just didn 't work . It was too hurried , too impersonal , too something . We actually stopped writing or emailing for years after our first attempts at emailing . We just lost the groove . She got married . She had a baby almost 5 years ago and she had another baby in October . They are almost exactly the same age as my nieces ! She now lives in the Canary Islands . Her husband is German , she is Norwegian , neither one of them spoke the others native language . By the time I got my first letter after she was married , I could hardly read her English anymore . She and her husband had totally started making stuff up ! lol Since I can 't read or speak Norwegian , I only laughed a little lolThis Christmas Ingrid sent a card , with of course a wonderful letter and a picture of her and the babies . I had sent her one the morning before I received hers , so that was fun . But today I sat down and read some of her letters from the past . I was so excited to talk to her again through Posted by This has become one of my favorite meals . I have never been a big fan of Turkey salad or chicken salad . It always tasted like a tin can or it was so creamy squishy that it was more like tuna salad than anything chicken or turkey related . Then one day when I went home ( to Michigan ) I was going through " Foods For Living " a healthy foods type of grocery store , and I came across the prepackaged foods section . These were foods that were made and packaged right there inside the store . The turkey salad looked wonderful ! Nice big chunks of turkey . Fresh looking celery . Dots of beautiful red and surrounded in mayo . I love mayo . ( NBU people , just turn away from the Mayo comment , please . ) After eating the most delicious turkey salad I had ever had , I looked at the ingredients . Turkey , celery , red onions , dried cranberries , walnuts , salt and pepper . I wrote them down . I kid you not . I took out my post - it pad from purse , grabbed a sharpie ( also from my purse ) and wrote down those incredible ingredients to take home with me . I now make the BEST turkey salad ever . In this bowl you will find turkey cubes ( that I got from the freezer because we didn 't have any fresh turkey or chicken today . ) I should have drained the turkey a bit , since it was frozen , but it 's still great . OK , so turkey cubes ( about 1 ½ cups of cubed turkey ) , 1 cup of chopped celery and ½ cup of chopped onion . I use vidalia onions when I can get them , but the sweetest onions possible would be best . We 've used green onions before and I didn 't like it as well . Next I chop up about ½ cup of walnuts and if I was taking this to a party or something , I 'd add in a full cup of dried cranberries . Now that I have diabetes , the cranberries do a number on my blood sugar readings , so I just have a few and save the rest for my husband . But don 't skimp on the cranberries if you can help it , they really make the salad . Next you need to give this salad a little black pepper . Now if you are a family member reading this , I do actually hold the pepper grinder over this salad and give itPosted by For some reason my countertop in my bathroom has started attracting more and more stuff . First it was just the vitamins and lotion , then a box of hand soap , then one day I needed to use the peroxide and the day before this little intervention , I had used the curling iron . It was the day that I did my photo shoot . I woke up the next morning and let out an audible gasp when I walked into the bathroom . So I grabbed my camera , took a shot and spent the next 15 minutes cleaning the bathroom . I even went through the two drawers in the cabinet and overhauled those as well . Of course I cleaned the sink , the toilet , the floors and mirrors while I was there . Can you sigh now ? That sigh of relief ? Yep , I did a big sigh too . Normally I would put the lotion away as well , but I 've been using it several times a day since it 's been out , so I 'll keep it out until Florida decided to warm back up . I got a nice watch / bracelet for Christmas and I 've been wanting to wear it , so setting it on the counter has helped me remember to slip it on . In a few weeks I 'll stick it back in the drawer and hopefully I will have gotten used to wearing it by then . The little white basket thing on the back of the tank is a woven basket from IKEA . It perfectly holds a box of kleenex . I love it . I 've never had a kleenex box holder before - I 've just always had the marbled box sitting on the tank - but I love the basket . I was surprised how little time it actually took to clean up the bathroom - it was just stuff sitting out , not anything gooey or anything - so I just put stuff back where it once belonged . It 's been a week , and the counter looks exactly the same , although I bet it needs a dusting in the corners . Hope you are having a great Sunday ( or Monday or Tuesday or or or ) Kristin The world is full of changes . Every day something is different and yet I know most of us go kicking and screaming into each change , not wanting to give up the familiar . We will have a new President in a few days , a friend of mine lost his grandmother , the bitter cold is making people change their weekend plans , the meat in the fridge didn 't get cooked before it went bad . Children learn to tie their shoes , the handle on the toilet just broke and the car got a flat . Unexpected change and gradual change . Sometimes relationships change , seemingly overnight , but it 's usually a gradual change . Evolution . Would you really want to go back to your early twenties or your teens and have those same relationships ? ! Oh dear . I 'm so glad that I am not tied to every sight , sound and thought of my true - love - of - the - day anymore . It was exhausting . Gradually we all shift and move to accommodate new feelings , new ways of being , new ways of thinking . The change is so gradual that it is only upon looking back that we see how far we 've come . I 'm still thinking about this New Year , 2009 . Still thinking about what changes I want to make - what I want to force myself , kicking and screaming , into doing to improve my life , my health , my education , my creative spirit , my volunteer activities , everything . . . . because although I want changes , I will resist . Are you forcing a change ? Kristin On the third day of our voyage on the Carnival Ship Fascination we docked in Nassau , Bahamas . This was the place where we took the carriage ride . It was warm and sunny . Oh so warm ! It is getting into the teens tonight here in Jacksonville , FL . I am wishing for a little bit of these sunny rays . For all of you that are in the deep freeze up north - - Pretend these green palms are in your backyard - with the sun shining down warming you from head to toe . Pretend you are eating a nice Italian dinner ( or lunch ) at Cafe Mattise in the Bahamas . These lovely palms are over your head - the purple flowers of theBougainvillea tree . A soft breeze of warm air rustling the palm fronds . Enjoy a nice summer day . Kristin I was thinking about what I wanted to write this evening and nothing was coming to mind . I 've just been running around town , going to my support group meeting , writing for another site , editing pictures , grocery shopping - you know , the usual . So I decided to just let my mind wander ( and go through my photos ) and see what caught my eye . A few of my family members all of whom have a defect where their arm is attached to their heads . LOL I 've never ever seen this condition in other families . This is my grandfather . I 'd like to know how he got that massive rock on the bottom of his feet ! . . . and how he managed to stand back up again without bonking his head LOL and I will leave you today with a picture from 1969 or 1970 . I was 3 or 4 . I love the shag haircuts . LOVE IT ! I hope you enjoyed the lighthearted post for today . Have a fabulous day ! Kristin Welcome to another fabulous edition of Works for me Wednesday , hosted by Shannon over at Rocks in my Dryer . It is only 2pm here on the East Coast and already over 200 people have added in their tips this week . So after you read my tip ( and leave a comment ! ) please head on over to Rocks in my Dryer and get lots of other fabulous tips and ideas . Those of you who read my blog regularly probably know that my husband 's life was saved because of a liver transplant . This was only made possible through the generous gift of life that a family gave after the passing of their loved one . It seems like a scary thing to talk about but it really isn 't . Usually when you go in to get your drivers license renewed you can check that little box that says you 'd like to be an organ donor . This is the typical way of doing things , but if your family doesn 't know of your wishes , they may not want to agree to donation . Just because you have checked that box , it doesn 't mean it is going to happen . You need to tell your family and friends that you want to give the gift of life after your death . Making your wishes known will make the decision so much easier on your family if they should ever have to make that decision . You can learn more about organ , eye and tissue donation at the Donate Life America website . I work with transplant patients now at the Jacksonville Mayo Clinic and I watch as these folks wait and wait for the perfect match . We have been blessed already this year and three of our friends have already received their life saving organ transplant . One gentleman , my tenant , has been waiting for almost 9 years . . . but only one year of that here at the Mayo Clinic . I have been an organ donor since the second I got my drivers license , but I have always wanted to be a donor . Little did I know then that my life would be so connected to the process . I can 't even imagine how a small child would know about organ donation , but I did . Getting my drivers license , when I turned 16 , was truly exciting , but I remember making sure to ask about the orPosted by Here is the last installment of The Secret page - a - day calendar quotes from 2008 . I saved these as long as I could ! I hope you enjoy them as much as I have . To become more aware of your thoughts , you can set the intention " I am the master of my thoughts . " Say it often , give thanks for its being done , and as you hold to it emphatically , by the law of attraction you must become that . You can create anything you want , but to do that you must follow the principles of the law . Eliminate all doubt and replace it with the full expectation that you will receive what you are asking for . If you are not receiving what you are asking for , it is not the law that has failed . It means that your doubt is greater than your faith . Every single person is using The Secret ( the law of attraction ) in every moment of their life , whether they are aware of it or not . The law of attraction is impersonal and is unfailingly matching like energy frequencies . There is no time when this law is not operating , just like gravity . The difference is that when you understand this magnificent law and how it works , you can begin to use it intentionally to create the life of your dreams . Do you think you can ? You can achieve and do anything you want with this knowledge . In the past you may have underestimated how brilliant you are . Well , now you know you are the Supreme Mind and that you can draw anything you want from that One Supreme Mind . Any invention , any inspiration , any answer , anything . You can do anything you want . You are a genius beyond description . So start telling yourself that and become aware of who you really are . Every word you speak has immense power , because it is a thought in action . There is an invincible power in every word you speak ! You are a human being filled with unlimited possibilities , and the words you speak can either build a jail around you where you see only limitations , or they can set you free to live your life without any limits . Listen to the words that you speak and you will find every limitation you have ever experiencePosted by What are these strange contraptions , I bet you are saying . . . Well , let me tell you . The items encased in plastic are my curling irons . I don 't use them very often , so to keep them from getting dusty I put them in the plastic sleeves . The main reason I wanted to use the sleeve was because of the brush style curling iron . It seemed like no matter where I put it , in my bathroom , something got stuck to it . It was a magnet for rubber bands , lint , thread , kitty fur and necklaces . I purchased some fabric roller shades a few years back and they came in these nifty plastic sleeves . They plastic was really thick and one end had a zipper . I tried all day to figure out what to use those fancy zippered sleeves for , when it occurred to me ! I 'd cut the sleeve in half and store my curling irons in them . That was just the perfect solution . The only drawback is that I can 't place the irons in the sleeves until they are completely cooled . I could have used an oven mitt I supposed if I wanted to store then while they were still hot - but the great thing about the plastic is that I can see what 's in there . I will forget that I have curling irons if I can 't see them . If I had some lovely fabric covering up these irons , I 'd have a whole basket of them because I 'd buy more , thinking I didn 't own any . This is certainly a great Make Do Mondays post - because instead of going out and buying something to put my curling irons in , I made do with what I had in my home . I 've also saved myself additional moneys in not purchasing any more curling irons because I can see what I already own and can remember that it 's there . ( Maybe if I curled my hair more often , I 'd remember ! ) Please go visit Ann Kroeker for more Make Do Monday ideas . She 's talking about her Crock Pot today . Thanks ! Kristin I am totally in love with digital photography . I 'm such a novice when it comes to composition , lighting and even subject matter that being able to take 10 pictures of the same thing comes in real handy . Like yesterday , for example , when I took 30 or so pictures of myself just to get two that were great . I 've used my digital camera to help me remember my license plate number when I 've needed to check into a hotel and I 've used the camera to take pictures of my To Do list when I 've needed to run many errands and didn 't want to take the list with me . The last time I went to IKEA , the parking lot was so full that I took a picture of my section , so I wouldn 't forget where I parked . I have a Blackberry ( with camera ) now and I have that with me all the time but I also have my camera too - so I haven 't been using the Blackberry for these uses yet , but I 'm sure as I get more and more comfortable with the features of the phone , I will use it more and more . I went to this website called Vagabondish and found some really clever tips for using your digital camera while Traveling . I have to admit that I use my Blackberry light as a light to get to my bed at night . That is just one of the 12 tips . Go ahead , take a look . They have some great ideas . I would have never thought of them . Have a wonderful week ! Kristin My Mother opened up a business in Lansing , Mi in 1994 called " The Dancing Goat Coffeehouse , " everyone just called it " The Goat . " We were open for just four years . I loved being a part of downtown Lansing , being a part of the Goat and I especially enjoyed meeting all of the people that came through the doors . I still miss The Goat , but have created my own version of it right here . The Goat , my blog , is a place where you can come in , read a little , enjoy the company , the revolving artwork on the walls and get a chance to relax and have a good laugh . I hope you participate in the atmosphere by leaving a comment when you pass through . Find the blogs of your friends from High School , College , Work , and more Awesome Inc . theme . Theme images by Nic _ Taylor . Powered by Blogger . |
Clay just toodled something on the piano - - but couldn 't figure out what - - Now S ' von playing . . . Clay singing . . I 'll be Home for Christmas OMG , Iâ m still in a trance after seeing this gorgeous man sing his heart out . I was perfection , and I need a professional DVD of this tour now . N , make that yesterday . C icago was my only concert , and that just wonâ t do . I n ed to see this beautiful show again . - Quana and Jesse did not have any NY resolutions . Jacobâ s was getting some warm clothes before going to Chicago again . A gela did not have anything , either , and Clay gave her a look , like he expected better from her . I think he even said something about them all not playing along . Security , or stupid idiot flashers need to be whacked . Disclaimer : Obviously , I was paying the most attention to Clay , so these impressions may or may not be entirely accurate . I was sitting in the back of center section , 4R . They thoroughly checked bags on the way in , but did not ask people to open coats , or pat them down . The signs on the doors said no cameras , signs or recording devices . They also yelled it when people were waiting in line to get in , and announced twice before the show . Security was not patrolling during the first half , at least not around my section . Couple of flashes went off , but for the most part people behaved . In the second half , there were more flashes . So , security guy walked a few times up and down the aisle , and I think warned someone up front , but did not take them out . During DSIAFCD , even more flashes , and thatâ s when security started patrolling . T o people were busted on the right side of the stage ( Clayâ s left ) . So , if it werenâ t for flashing idiots , nice security folks might have stayed in the back without bothering anyone . Grrrr U I did not see any Clack gathering going on , which hopefully means that it was done discreetly , as opposed to not at all . I thought of maybe trying for something , but 2x zoom camera with no video capabilities would have been pretty useless in the back of the theater . So , I left it at home . From ananka1313 @ the ClackhouseQuote : This was my first time , they say there is something special about the first time and for once they were right . To say this man is beautiful is an extreme understatement . In fact , I would venture to say that to my misty eyes he was not of this world . I have never believed in angels per se , but I swear when he sang â Hark the Herald Angels Singâ I could hear the faint flutter of delicate wings and see a golden light surrounding the stage . aybe it was just the seraphim sneaking in to try to take him back from us . would fight them if they tried . Yes , he brought out in me so many emotions and feelings , some I thought had long ago died . I cried through IBHFC , remembering my mother and how she longed to have me with her on these holidays while I traveled the world . I marveled at DSIAFCD and understood Randy Jackson when he said â where is that voice coming from ? â I was exalted to other realms of existence by HTHAS / OCAYF with energy tingling up and down my spine and exploding in my chest . Loving Clay is a double edged sword . On one hand you want to rip loving him out of your heart because sometimes it hurts too much and you know you will never be loved in return in a personal way . But on the other hand , the sublime joy you feel when you see him and hear him sing is worth the pain for as he sings his songs of faith , whether you believe as he or not , you just want to take his hand and ascend to some heavenly realm with him and be eternally blissful . We took the train and got to Chicago from NW Indiana at about 6 : 45 . We had time to grab a bite to eat and then went to the theatre . It is a beautiful place . The concert started 10 minutes late but OMG was Clay in magnificent voice . When he sang Sleigh Ride he did a little dance at the end that made the crowd scream - he said enjoy it cause that was all we got of his bad dancing . ( It really was very cute ) He talked about the nice warm south compared to cold Chicago - said his toes were still frozen but now it really felt like Christmas . He was also very funny about how close the front row was to the stage . He asked the people if they promised to catch him if he fell off the stage . Of course they said yes ! ! Then people in the balconey screamed and he said don 't get excited - he wasn 't going to trip and fall into the balcony any time soon . It was very funny . The highlights of the first set was the Christmas Waltz and What Are You Doing New Years Eve . CW was sooo beautiful and sooo on ! I only liked it soso on his special but tonight it was just beyond clear and perfect . On WAYDNYE he killed the front row and then went into the audiance and sang to a young girl ( and kissed her hand - everyone screamed at that point ) and they screamed again when he sang to an older woman . Jacob was very good on his song and my friend Linda wanted the binoclures ( sp ? ) because she liked his voice . The second set opened with THE MOST STUNNING version of Oh Holy Night I have ever heard . I had tears in my eyes . I wish he sang it that way on the CD . MDYK & TFN were outstanding and DSIAFCD just killed me . That last glory note was just beyond perfection . We had to leave at this point because the concert started late and our train home was leaving in 15 minutes . I thought they were going to have to carry me beacuse we were running so fast - but we made it ! The great thing is two sisters and their kids were coming home from shopping and skating and asked to see my program . They asked me all kinds of questions about Clay so I told them about his new CD , DVD , Book ect . They said they would check it out ! ! It was a wonderful and amazing night and we had a fantastic time . Today is my birthday and I could not have asked for a better gift . Clay voice was sheer perfection and everyone backing him up was great as well . Angela , Quianna and Jacob all deserve CD 's of their own and the musicians and choirs were awesome , too . Sorry so long but it was truely a memerable experience . From starrgirl01 @ the ClayboardQuote : I just got home from Chicago also . This was my only concert for this tour , but the friends I was with have been to 2 other concerts and thought the crowd was a little more subdued than Atlanta . Clay was indeed perfection and his MCWL was one of the best I 've heard . The concert was well covered by others on this thread . A few observations from me . Either the videos I have watched didn 't do justice to the black pants or someone shrunk them recently . We had great seats , but I still used my binoculars . The man is beautiful . Everywhere . I could also see his hands very well and noticed his nails are growing and beautifully manicured . The " modified rooster " looked great . Guess I 'm getting used to it . The man is a born entertainer , whether singing or talking . Clay did go up the center aisle very slowly . He appeared to be teasing ( ya think ? ) each woman as he walked by her but didn 't stop until he was 10 - 12 rows back and then knelt down to sing to someone . He kissed her hand which brought screams from the audience and then he continued singing as he walked out the back of the venue with Jerome leading and Nick following . Nick was also collecting goodie bags for Clay prior to the concert and seems to love interacting with the fans . Quiana blew me away with MGUCL . This is the best I have heard her sing and she had on a beautiful black outfit with flowing top trimmed in silver . AI sure missed the boat with her . Glorious performance and very well received . I noticed 5 flashes during DSIAFCD ( parents ? ) I missed seeing Clay sing the glory note for DSIAFCD as Jerome targeted a woman just to our left and security was sent to escort her out . One more minute wouldn 't have made any difference as she got the message immediately . I apologize to Carolyn for abruptly cutting her off for GN . Had to shut down my phone as Jerome was looking right at me . No glasses , no stubble . I noticed as he walked across the stage that he would make a great runway model . He entertained us in a way no one else can . His voice has never been better ! This was the most outstanding performance of Oh Holy Night that I 've ever heard from anyone . The DSIAFCD glory note , followed with ' yeah ' , was perfect , breathtaking , and as close to the CD as I 've ever heard , perhaps even better ! I 've never seen anyone more ' at home ' and ' natural ' on the stage as Clay was tonight . He owned the stage , the entire theater , and each and every audience member , but in a very humble way . He was breathtakingly beautiful from the top of his mild ' rooster do ' to his loooong feet . His expressions were priceless , his sense of humor brought laughs and giggles ! ! One of the Lecherous Broads sat in front of me . . . what a riot ! ! ! She was at both Atlanta concerts and MSG and said Chicago was the best , that he was more talkative tonight , and keeps getting better with each concert . She reached back and tapped me on the leg when he sat down at the piano , saying he didn 't do that at the other 3 concerts . This was her 15th Clay concert since last year , and she talked about how the Lecherous Broads appreciate all of Clay 's attributes ! : o Everyone was rivited in their seats each and every moment Clay was on stage , all eyes were fixated on him . The place was full of men , women and children of every age . There were people dressed in everything from jeans to formals . Security confiscated my camera as I entered the door ! ! Bummer ! ! She searched through every nook and cranny of my purse and found it ! ! At least I got to keep my cellphone . Thanks Missy222 for reporting ! It was great meeting Jenclay from Lecherous Broads , Barbara , Stargirl , and seeing the girls again that I stood in line with for 12 hours at the Illinois State Fair . I talked to the little girl in the wheelchair ( can 't remember her name ) , met her at the ISF , also ! And thanks to Wendy for letting me use her cellphone after mine died ! Clay fans are the best ! ! A couple of Vivarin , soda and candy ( caffiene and sugar ) helped during the 3 hour drive to Chicago in the afternoon . Traffic in downtown Chi - town was crazy , people everywhere , but Christmas was in the air ! The lights , the window displays , the festive mood prepped me for the Joyful concert . Had a hard time finding a place to park , even in the parking deck . lol The drive home after the concert took a lot longer . . . . had to pull over 3 times to catnap . I 'm getting too old to keep this up ! Next time I think I 'll take the train or get a hotel room for the night ! I wish I could remember more right now , but I 'm running out of steam . The Vivarin are wearing off . But tonight was Clay at his best . My friend and I had wonderful seats - - well , needless to say . I bought one of the Chicago Theatre Insider memberships , and somehow I got these amazing seats during the presale - - FF ( about row 10 counting the 4 pit rows ) center aisle . When I was seated , I noticed that the only stairs were right on that aisle , apparently no stairs to the left or right . I told my friend that she should be prepared for the possibility that Clay could dance with me - - I was half joking , of course . Since he sang a lot of WAYDNYE on stage , I almost thought he wasn 't going to come down into the audience . Then suddenly Jerome was there , crouched down moving backward toward us . Clay came down the steps and stopped across the aisle from me to a young girl - - she was about 9 years old . He knelt down and sang to her , and then he kissed her hand . Then he stood up and came further down the aisle . By this time , Jerome was beside me . Clay stopped and sang to the middle - aged woman in front of me . I already felt delirious just seeing him up that close . Then he looked up and I was just looking so happy . He reached out for my hand . I was confused for a minute as to whether I should stand to dance , but that didn 't seem to be what he wanted . He sang directly to me and I just glowed . I didn 't need to say a thing because he knew how happy I was . He just kept squeezing my hand and his hand was so warm and when he sang it seemed like he was really singing just to me . I totally was in the moment . Trust me , it was every bit as good as you would imagine it was . I very much doubt that there is any Clack of this , what with Jerome being right there . I have to admit that that is okay with me . I may be a photographer myself , but I hate to have my picture taken . Security was very tight . And I would have been very self - conscious if I had had to actually dance with him . If you find good descriptions of Clay singing to me or if you were there and saw this happen , please let me know . I am absolutely floating on air today . More in the recap to come . From josabby 474 @ CDBI originally was not going to go to any JNT concerts because I just started two new jobs , but when I found out that Chicago was going to be on my birthday , I couldn 't resist . I booked a flight to the windy city the morning of because I had to work the night before . I was going to take a cab from the airport to get to Borders as quickly as possible , unfortunately there was an engine out in my plane so I got bumped to a later flight . I was supposed to meet my friend Harlee at Borders and she didn 't have her cell phone on her . Luckily , someone else I knew had one , so I called her . She doesn 't know Harlee from Eve , so she paged her over the speakers , and I was sorta famous among those in line at Borders when I got there , LOL . I didn 't get to Chicago till after 9am , so I decided to take a train instead of a cab , because there was no way I 'd get a ticket for the signing anyway . I worked out because I got to see the city and I saved enough money to buy a rather THUDALICIOUS program at the show . Anyway , I got to Borders and met up with Harlee . Everyone was allowed three things to sign and Harlee only had two , so she offered to get something signed for me . I decided to buy the audio CD because I don 't have it , and I got my employee discount , because I work for Walden which is owned by Borders . The Security guards were nice enough to let me stay up there with my friends who had tickets . I ended up watching their stuff for them while they stood in line and chatting with a lot of really nice people as they walked by . BTW , Clay looks great in green , I think it has something to do with his eyes , LOL . Harlee got my CD signed for me . I love looking at that siggy , it 's beautiful . Harlee and I wondered the streets of Chicago to kill time while waiting for the show to start . One houred my pictures at Walgreens and got a couple good pictures of Clay at the signing . Harlee and I talked to Jacob a bit by the buses . He was really sweet . He talked to my friend Natalie , who started his yahoo fan group , on my phone and expressed his sincere gratitude for everything she 's done for him . Harlee told him about how she was in line at 6am and the look on his face was priceless . He was like " but it was cold ! " Harlee told him that she lived in Austrailia for a while . Jacob said he wanted to go there and asked how much the plane ticket was . He had another priceless facial expression when she answered . I suggested that he hire an austrailian producer for one of the songs on his CD and have the record company pay for his ticket . He seemed to think that was a good idea , LOL . Anyway , I met up with the other CBDs at the Pizza place . It was really good seeing everyone again , and I have to apologize for not being very talkative . It a combination of being extremely tired and still being in awe of what I had witnessed at the Chicago theater . And thank you for all the birthday wishes . You 're all so wonderful . Part of what is so great about being a Clay fan , aside from understanding what is so specail about OMC , is getting to know so many wonderful people who love Clay too . [ / quote ] We made it to Chicago a little before noon on Monday . . I intended to get over to the book signing , but the DH wanted to eat and I agreed to that . He really was sweet to make this trip with me , since he really hates driving in Chicago . He lived there several years , and swore heï ¿½ d never drive there again . I guess he must really love me lots to go back . LOL We had a really nice lunch at the hotel and by then the signing was over . Now on to the concert . The Chicago Theatre is just beautiful . The sign was Clay Aiken Sold Out ! Lovely . My DH took a picture with his cell phone , but itï ¿½ s too large to transfer to his computer for some reason . I just never cease to be amazed at Clayï ¿½ s concerts . His voice , his wit , and his stage presence seem to come naturally . But , I can see him growing in all those areas every time I see him . MCWL was not my favorite song on the CD , but it brought me to tears last night . That was a very strange reaction . It just moved me deeply . Quiana gave a very strong performance on My Grown Up Christmas List . She sang with great power and feeling . Her performance was a high point for my DH . Speaking of my DH , he got a real kick out of Clayï ¿½ s stories and jokes and wit . Other observations : We were about 2 / 3 back on the floor so I used the binoculars quite a bit . Itï ¿½ s quite a feat to put on a show in different cities with different choirs , and different musicians . Anyone notice how handsome Clayï ¿½ s conductor is ? Savon ( sp ) is quite the pianist . He played the heck out of that piano on IBHFC . I intended to give my friend Amy , who Iï ¿½ d been to every Clay concert with , a cellcert . I couldnï ¿½ t get my cell phone to work in the theatre , although I saw lots of people using theirs . That was disappointing since she wanted to go so badly . Her husband recently returned from a year tour in Bosnia and they were visiting her brother in Montana . I overheard my DH talking to his sister about the concert and how much he enjoyed it , especially the second half . He wouldnï ¿½ t admit it to me , but glad I overheard that conversation . LOL Thatï ¿½ s my story . We made it back to Indy safely , after some harrowing experiences in traffic getting out of Chicago . Weï ¿½ re waiting on a winter storm with maybe up to a foot of snow in the next two days . From rosebud @ the ClayboardQuote : Chicago is one of my favorite places in the whole world . It sits so pretty on Lake Michigan with its park and museum areas and all the beautiful buildings lined up along Michigan Avenue . I 've been to Chicago many times , but this time was without a doubt the most memorable . I and the other fans I was with got up at the crack of dawn to go stand in line at Borders for the book signing . It was 12 degrees outside when we left our hotel . We had come prepared with long underwear , blankets and hand warmers - and when we got there at 5 : 15 a . m . and discovered we were about 145 in line , the next 3 hours went by surprisingly fast . Knowing that we were in the first group of 300 and that we were guaranteed the chance to meet Clay made us forget how cold it was . The Borders store is right across the street from The Chicago Theatre , and as we stood there we got to watch the tour trucks back up into the alley next to the theatre . I was in awe of the skill it must take to back a great big semi into a narrow alley off a busy big city street . One of the tour buses drove past us and into the alley as well , and I wondered what whoever was on that bus thought about us standing in the Borders line in bitterly cold weather . After we got inside the store , we had another 4 - 1 / 2 hour wait before Clay arrived . As I observed the people in front of me meeting Clay and getting their books signed , I was impressed with how careful he was to look each person in the eye and how he took the trouble to speak to everyone and make their experience special . He wasn 't going through some robotic routine , but was very relaxed and happy . He gave everyone standing in front of him his full attention , sometimes joking with them in a light hearted manner . When I told him I was from Bettendorf , Iowa - he jokingly said , " So - there are three people living there , right ? " He just makes me smile , inside and out . The Chicago Theatre is very beautiful . It was built in the 1920 's and a few years ago was restored to its full glory . Apparently , the first concert held there after the restoration was complete was none other than Frank Sinatra . This theatre was an amazing setting for Clay 's Christmas concert . It loves a great vocalist . I was in heaven . His voice filled every nook and cranny of that theatre . It pierced my heart . I found myself trying to savor each tiny moment - knowing it would be the last time I would see Clay in concert for many months . He is a master at drawing his audience in and making us feel like he is talking and singing directly to us . That still amazes me after all the times I have seen him live . Nobody does it better . His voice is rich and powerful one moment - sweet and tender the next . It 's very easy to see that he loves what he is doing . Clay was in his element joking around and teasing the audience in Chicago . It struck me that he teases with us the same way he teases with Quianna and Angela - two people he cares a lot about . It made me realize more than ever that he cares about us too . I love every song he does in these Christmas concerts . The second half especially shows off his incredible voice . His performance of Good News is nothing short of perfection . In it 's powerful simplicty , it is quite literally the most beautiful thing I have ever seen performed on a stage . It is a perfect showcase for him , his voice and his superstar stage presence . It brought tears to my eyes and took my breath away . Beagle3 , hensey and I met up with our concertmate ShyGirl . ( Sorry you didn 't get much clack , but believe me , we understood . ) Of course , others have done a far better job of describing the minute details than I am likely to do , considering I was a soggy mess for most of the evening . But I 'll try . I 've listened to lots of cellcerts but have tried not to look at too much video , so I was therefore was unprepared for the sheer beauty of this show . The lighting , the acoustics , and visual effects , Clay . . . just gorgeous . I was in the 8th row behind the pit on the house right side , not too far over - - when I looked at Clay through my binoculars I nearly fell over . Why do his eyes sparkle like that ? Never seen anything like it . ( I also noticed a small tear in the left cuff of the argyle sweater - - his orange shirt was clearly visible through it . Ashley , you might want to fix that ! * g * Okay , if that just didn 't get me on the LIST , nothing will . ) I had never been able to really make out TMOC on the cellcerts - - live , I thought it was wonderful . Clay looked so happy to be up there , just singing and wandering among the kids . I love the playfulness he displayed during SR and the other secular songs - - he was clearly enjoying himself so much . My only quibble ( a minor one ) was that during WAYDNYE he seemed to be trying to be sexy , and IMO he is sexier when it isn 't so calculated . Jerome and Nick doing that crouching thing in the center aisle was decidedly odd . I adored TCW and fervently wished IBHFC had been on the CD - - he and S ' von worked so beautifully together on it . It was simple , elegant and lovely - - hardly anybody his age is doing this sort of thing , or is capable of it ! I 've been a singer for as long as I can remember , but I 'm not nearly as eloquent as some here at describing vocal technique - - I just know how I do it , and how it affects me when someone else does it really well . Here goes , though : undeniably , Clay has a magnificent and supple instrument , but more than that , he is able to convey so much genuine feeling and passion in every word . Plus his voice is manipulative in the best sense of the word - - he understands how to use dynamics to tell the story of a song and connect emotionally with his audience . I am generally impervious to - - and cynical toward - - performers whom I think attempt to play on my emotions too much . But Clay is in a whole other league - - he BELIEVES . And because of that , so do we . So . . . I wept during a few of the songs in the first set . I was unprepared for the tidal wave of tears that would hit me during the second half of religious songs . OHN was fantastic . . . beautiful . . . flawless . I wished he hadn 't had the girl segue into the reading right away , though - - I would have liked a moment to savor his performance , not to mention applaud wildly . The readings were fine , but IMO the show would have been just as good without them . Loved Clay 's other songs , which reduced me to a puddle on the floor . Again , he radiated joy , so much so that it was impossible not to feel it with him . And it had been so long since I had felt it that it was a little overwhelming . His voice on DSIAFCD slayed us dead , even when Jerome ruined the climactic moment by shining a Coast Guard searchlight down the row in front of us to bust a woman with her camera . GN was a revelation - - I had read recaps and listened to cellcerts , but the staging of it is hard to describe ; you just have to see it . I felt that we were being let into Clay 's " artistic vision " with that song - - it was very moving . Anyway , I was sobbing long before the end , and I wasn 't the only one . Making my way up the aisle afterwards , I locked eyes with a total stranger crying in her seat , and I 'm sure if I hadn 't kept moving , in a second we would have been clinging to each other , and I 'm not the clingy type . My heartfelt thanks to everyone who was so kind and concerned ; you know who you are . Also to hensey for braving ticketbuying hell for us . And to Clay , whose generosity in sharing his talent has made so many things possible for so many . From clayphotogal @ the ClackhouseQuote : I know that Iâ ve been a bit delayed in posting this full recap of my incredible experience of holding Clayâ s hand while he sang WAYDNYE to me at the Chicago concert . Tha this would ever happen was beyond my wildest dreams . The day after the event I gave a very brief description , as best I could , given that I had had just a couple of hours of sleep since 3 a . m . the day before . I a still bouncing off the walls , but I do want to tell you the entire story of my Perfect Day before any details start to fade . S Let me start with the book signing in the morning . I got up at 3 a . m . and managed to leave the house without my camera bagâ hey , I didnâ t say I was awake at that hour . The bus stop is right out front of my apartment building , but I was a bit scared of waiting outside in the dark at that hour . But city workers were out there trying to fix some pipes , so I was not alone after all . Get ing off at Randolph Street , which is the major thoroughfare where Borders is located , I knew I would have to walk two long blocks , and that made me nervous , too . No roblemâ at what was now 5 a . m . , a whole construction crew was at work at a huge apartment building halfway on my path . I get to Borders and this guy who was first in line , the one that had been camping out since 2 p . m . the day before , yelled â You here for Clay Aikenâ ? When I nodded , he told me that I was number 85 . Asleep or not , first mission was accomplished . I woul get to meet Clay . I chat ed with a few folks in line , then got into my own place in line . I was ituated between two young girls ( late teens ) , both of whom had their moms with them . The on to my right had a mom who didnâ t appear to be a Clay fan , but she was enjoying fussing over her daughterâ s comfort . At one poi t , she decided her daughter wasnâ t warm enough , went off to the hotel , tore the blanket off the bed , and brought it back to the daughter . On the other side , mom was a Clay fan . She , too , wa a great caretaker . She kept run ing off to Baskin Robbinâ s to get stuff for the daughter . About two hour in , she brought back coffee instead of the requested hot cocoa . Did I say it w s bitter cold ? Well , it was . hen the daugh er rejected the coffee , I came that close to grabbing it out of the momâ s hand . I probably would have asked for it politely , but I didnâ t know when I would see a bathroom again . Anyhow , not only i Chicago Clay - deprived but I was also Clay - fan - deprived . I was almost toast warm ( slight exaggeration here ) feeling all the mom love andWithin the last hour of waiting , suddenly everyone started moving forward . Well , who did I fi d myself among after the shifting ? I was smack dab in the middle of CH Meerkats . I was wearing the ame tag for my first and only prior CH pre - partyâ that of the IT party . I had mentioned I wa going to do that in the CH Chicago concert thread , and Pink Armchair and Beagle3 greeted me and introduced me around . I wave to Ficus , Nog ru , Bryher93 , and everyone else . Meeting some fellow H board members was my second big goal of the day , and I had already succeeded with that . This day was going f ne . + Share : Topics We finally got in , got our red tickets , moved upstairs and got in line . I donâ t know how we managed it , but most of the CH group sat near each other , even though technically all were not necessarily near each other in the line . I was happy to be able to meet and talk with so many Meers and to be able to do it in a situation where no one was in a hurry to get somewhere . W en MrsLoki introduced herself , I bowed with proper deference ( Shhh ! T is nonsmutter has infiltrated the CH . H y , I can still recognize true excellence when I encounter it . N w donâ t complicate matters and ask me how I know there is excellence to be recognized . I j st peacefully coexist with smutters , I tell ya . ) Par icularly notable was a conversation I had with MrsLoki concerning whether she could up her time talking with Clay if she told him her screen name . She didnâ t think that was a swell idea of mine . * g * W ll , I was about the only one who was wearing anything that identified their screen name , so reluctantlyâ Iâ d really love to know if Clay recognized my screen nameâ I removed my name tag . Then , for s me reason , I just couldnâ t focus on what I would actually say to Clay when I saw him . robiazgów | Others have covered the details of â spontaneous singing , â instructions from the Borders staff , teens running around in teddies , Clay being late , and so forth , so Iâ ll skip right to my meeting Clay . Wh n I got up to him , he asked me my nameâ I gave just the real nameâ and where I was fromâ I proudly said Chicago . Then out of my mouth came this : â Clay , I just want to say thank you for the enormous amount of joy you have given to so very many of us . â He smirked , maybe blushed a little , said â thanks , â wished me a Merry Christmas , and my time with Clay was finished . I walked a ay thinking : now that was exactly what I most wanted to say . I was plea ed . I was floa ing on air . I was happ . I had Chri tmas spirit . Life was g od . This would have been enough . But my Per ect Day was just starting . service i I live just a quick express bus ride away from downtown Chicago , so I went home to change for the party . I went on the boards and found a post here at CH that said that judy would give her firstborn child to have an autographed copy of LTS . Being filled with the Christmas spirit , I sent her a PM to ask her if she would let me give her one of my two copies . She answered â YESâ fast enough , and we arranged for me to give it to her at the pre - party , which I knew she planned to attend . I told her she could keep the firstborn child . ) his day was going just amazingly well . put on my fancy new duds I had bought for the occasionâ I dropped 40 pounds in the past 6 months ( Yea for me ! ) and nothing I owned still fit and Clay said he wanted us to dress up pretty and since I have no budget constraint at all where Clay is concerned â ¦ My friend Carla came to the pre - party and concert with me . Some of you met Carla at the pre - party . She was also at the IT party with me . She would have been easy enough for you to recognize . She was probably the only African American at the concert who wasnâ t on the stage . S e is thoroughly Clayverted by now . S eâ s terrific . Any ow , we arrived at the party , and it was fine . Tha ks Snix for the great job of organizing it ! I c atted happily as I met some truly fascinating Meerkats . It s so much better meeting Meerkats when you have read their posts for many months ( Iâ d only been on the board for a few days for the IT party ) , although I still couldnâ t remember everyoneâ s names . The food as great , and I felt very much at home . So now we are off to the Chicago Theatre . We are not running late . Everything is fine . I am marveling how wonderful this day is going . And now it is time for the show . Carla and I make our way down to the tenth - row center seats ( row FF ) . If I could have chosen any seats in the theatre , it would have been these seatsâ that is true even apart from the miracle that was about to occur . A ter meeting a Clay fan from another board who had done me some great favors and whom I had only talked to on the phone , we settled in for the show . I was feeling great , I tell ya . I saw that there was only one set of steps from the stage and it was on the middle aisle , and I said sarcastically to Carla that she should prepare herself because obviously I was going to dance with Clay . W had a good laugh about that . Clay comes out . I have such a close , unobstructed view , and , as most of you know only too well , no amount of downloading and viewing videos or listening to cellcerts prepares you for the real thing . I was absolutely giddy with enjoyment . Again , Iâ ll leave the details of the performances for the other recaps . T en Clay starts singing WAYDNYE . I think what fun it will be to see him closer . I seems he goes on forever singing the song on the stage , and I wonder if heâ ll ever come down into the audience . Yeh I know he was titillating several of my fellow Meerkats with his â glancesâ ( smutters , substitute your own term ) , but this is my recap , so it was a nuisance waiting for all that silly nonsense to be done with . Next thing I know , Jerome is crouched down in the aisle scooting backward up toward me . I lo k up and Clay is coming down the stairs . He s unters up the aisle , clearly teasing , then drops down on his knees to a little girl a few aisles up and across from meâ sheâ s about 9 years oldâ and he sings to her . From the b ck she looks like she is frozen with fear . He kisses er hand and then stands up and looks over to our side . By now Jer me is right beside me . Even now , t never actually occurs to me that I have a chance . When he ap roaches the woman in front of me , I am 100 % thrilled to be able to watch him sing to herâ to see him that up close . I am just gl wing with happiness . He looks up , having given her his undivided attention , he pauses briefly , and then he smiles and puts out his hand to me . I can tell t at he knows how happy I am . I am confuse for a minute about whether I should stand to dance , but he doesnâ t give any indication that I should . I look up into his face and I see my own happiness reflected back , if that makes sense at all . All the admira ion and adoration I have had for that man for the past two years is right there on my face and he sees it . His hand is so warm and he keeps squeezing my hand . Trust me , ther may have been 3 , 800 other folks there , I am still not done . I get home and I canâ t sleep . I am just deliri us . I go right to be but I just keep replaying the experience in my mind . Next morning , I heck my two boards , Clack House and Clayversity , and leave my short recap on both , promising more later . Iâ m flooded with PMs . It is only later t at afternoon that I read on the Clayversity Chicago concert thread that 43dudleyvillas announced that MrsLoki announced on the CH cellcert that I was the one being sung to . If I hadnâ t m t her and the other Meerkats that day , she and they wouldnâ t even have known it was me ! Too many coincidences ! Yesterday , I actually ot to listen to the cellcert . Thanks to all of you w o were so thrilled for me . That is truly an impor ant part of my Perfect Day . g gold records cloudbe But wait , I am not done yet . Yesterday afternoon , I downloaded MrsLokiâ s video of the Chicago book signing ( unaccustomed as I am to downloading MrsLoki 's videos , of course ) . A the end of the video , there is a woman in an orange shirt and jeans who is approaching Clay to get her book signed . T at is me ! I am in a MrsLoki video with Clay Aiken ! N w try and tell me that wasnâ t a Perfect Day ! sun So with 2 hours of sleep , i get up at 3 am and put on my 10 layers of clothes and make the 6 block walk with my parents up to borders . It actually wasn 't that bad out , it was just SOOOOO cold ! When we got there at about 5 am , i was # 92 in line . my dad left us there and it began . we were in line with this old lady and these group of girls and then these other girls , who turned out to later be my BFF 's of the day ! So for 3 hours , we all sat around , made a few McDonald 's runs and that was it . At 8 , they decided to let us in , the first 300 people got red tickets , guaranteing u a spot to meet clay , and the second 300 got yellow tickets , meaning u would wait but there was no guarantee . aparently there were over 1000 people there , so they had to turn down a lot . But I got a RED TICKET ! ! Guaranteeing me a spot to meet CLAY AIKEN ! So we got in line on the third floor at sat down , cause we had another 4 and a half hours until clay . so that 's when i became close to karin , tori , and caroline . Karin is almost 21 and she lives in St . Paul , but goes to school in Eau Clare . Tori is her friend from St . Paul who 's 23 . And Caroline is 17 and lives in Washington , the state ! lol they were so nice . We played cards and chatted and had a great time with all the people around us ! I 've never been so happy , to get to sit in a room with 599 other claymates who don 't question you about clay , cause they 're the same as you are . So Karin and i decide to go buy some magazines , i wanted popstar cause i knew there was a clay poster in it . So i get up and look over at Clay 's signing table , and holy crap , there 's Jerome ! I start freaking out ! so i go downstairs , buy the magazine , and the guy working was asking me about clay . karin was over farther but she said she could tell we were talking about clay cause i was smiling huge ! So Clay 's supposed to be there at noon , but he 's not ! So the lady behind me had a boom box , so she put in MCWL and we all sang Christmas carols for a while . around 12 : 30 , my life changed . . . . . I walk up to the table and Clay 's like , " Hey darlin * omfg * what 's your name ? " it took me a minute to answer , because I forgot it . then he asked me where i was from , forgot that for a minute too . then i saw nick looking at me . So I 'm like , " Nick I have to show you my shirt ! " So he looks at it and he gets excited , Clay looks up from signing my stuff , and is like , " Wait a minute , " he practically lays across the table to reach my shirt and trys to scratch off the " and nick " part with his clicky sharpie ! ! yeah , there 's marks there from it ! so Nick and Clay start fighting about which part of my shirt is cooler , lol ! i was trying to breathe , and Jerome was laughing at me ! So then Clay hands me my stuff and sticks his hand out to shake mine , omg ! i 've never been prouder to be wearing my wwjd bracelet for a year and a half STRAIGHT , cause his was like an inch away from mine ! his hand was soft and warm ! ! it was amazing ! so yeah the concert was awesome ! we couldn 't take pics but that was ok cause it was wow ! ! we were 25th row center and we had an AMAZING view ! Clay played the piano for us , haha it was great ! and at this one point , he told this lady in the front row that she had to catch him if he fell , cause front row was like ON the stage . hehe then everyone screamed and Clay looks up to the balcony and is like " why are you screaming ? ? i 'm not gonna fall up there ! " haha it was so adorable ! I left for Chicago by train at 11 : 19am . . . well , I was supposed to . The train didn 't get there till 11 : 45am . rollseyes The train ride was soooo long . I talked with a nice old lady for a little bit . She was sweet . = ) We had to stop twice . Once to let a train come through on the same tracks and again because a freight train had dereailed and they had to clean it up before we could pass . Geesh , I thought I would NEVER get off that thing ! We ended up coming in like three hours late . Tell ya what , it 's FREEZING in Chicago ! Mar picked me up and we went to her apartment complex . I finally got to see the ' Clay Room " Whoa . . . . Clay is on every available surface there is ! It 's relaxing though . = ) We called Mike , the driver , and he took us downtown . He was really fun . He goes , " So I got this cd a couple weeks ago . It 's this newer guy , tell me if you think he 's any good . " By the first three notes , Mar and I look at each other and go , " Oh yeah , he 's good ! " Lol , it was Clay 's Christmas cd ! : rocker Downtown Chicago is B - e - a - utiful at night ! All the pretty lights and whatnot . It took a while to find the hotel , but we managed . Haha , when we were checking in , this lady came up to me and goes , " You 're the singer from Charlotte right ? Good job . " Then she walked away ! LOL I was like , " Uhhh . . . ok . . . . " : tyty Man , the Fairmont is a Luxury hotel ! Dang ! We 're used to four - five people in one room . In this hotel , we had our own beds , the room was 4000 square feet , down pillows , terry bathrobes , a shower and a bathtub , a fully stocked bar , fully stocked food , everything ! But it all comes at a price . Lol , they even have special spa baths you can buy . . . we didn 't do that . Like a 10 oz bottle of Coke was $ 4 ! Geesh . . . . . : x So , we walked down to Border 's on State St . Believe it or not , there were already people waiting out in the cold in line . Ok , now not even I would do that . The first people had been there since 3pm that day . : yow Crazy , I tell ya ! We decided that we 'd come back at 6am . So , we left them and went in search of food . Nothing was open ! We did get bugged by many a panhandlers though . : shout After the third one , we decided to take a cab back to the hotel and get room service . Remember when I said expensive ? Yeah , it cost us $ 58 for a pizza and a hamburger ! ! ! ! Oh mah goodness ! Lol So , we got like 4 hours of sleep , then we got bundled up and headed out to stand in line . We got there a little after 6am and the line was already down the block and around the corner . The first 300 were garunteed to meet Clay , but after that . . . . so , needless to say , we were worried we wouldn 't get in . It was sooooooooo cold ! ! ! ! 10 degrees with a below 0 windchill . : huh Geesh , what we do for Clay Aiken . . . . = ) At 8am , they let all of us frozen Claymates in . . . . . We made the first 300 ! ! : banana WHOO - HOO ! ! ! =) = ) So , we went up to the 3rd floor and had to wait four more hours ( till 12 ) for Clay . He was 15 minutes late but dang he loooked good ! He was wearing the AMA glasses , his Rockefeller scarf ( only when he came in ) , and a green turltneck with the ever - present white tee underneath . His hair was au natural . . . which was soo cute . I lurved this look on Clay . ; ) : drool : lubdub : kiss : thud Anway , we were far back in the line so it took forever to get up there . I bookcerted Angie ( RFR ) , so she knew everything that was going on . I don 't know what it was , but I was shaking when we got closer . What the . . ? I 've met him before ! I think it was me fretting over whether he 'd recognize me or not . Anyway , I had put a couple pictures from Charlotte , including the legging one , in the first book to sign . ( You can get three signed ) . So , we get up there . The lady takes my books and moves my pictures further back in the book ! Actually , she moved the legging one and gave me the other two back . So , she hands them to Clay and I go up to him . Gah , so close to him again . . . . . : lubdub So then , Clay signed my other books , takes my hand ( his hand are so warm and soft . . . * sigh * ) , looks right at me and says , " It 's really nice to see you again , Melanie . Merry Christmas . " : yow : thud : hugs : cloud9 Then , I got to Jerome and give him a Christmas card . He thanks me . I said hi to Nick too . , who just looked at me like , ' Do I know you ? ' . : laugh Then , it was over . Sheesh , six hours of waiting for 30 seconds . But , it was worth it . He has the picture . And they remembered me . EEEEE ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! : cloud9 After Mar was done , ( she got two Merry Christmases lol ) we did a little dance , haha , and got my stuff , which had been moved . Sheesh . Then , I forgot that I had a card for Clay too , so I go back to the front . I asked the lady to give it to Jerome . She handed it to Nick who gave it to Jerome , so it 's all good . = ) : thumbup We walked by the theater since it 's right across the street . I stopped and we went right by the busses . Clay has lights and a Christmas tree in the bus . Awww . . . = ) And we read the itinerary on the stage door . 343 miles to Cleveland . . . a 7 hour drive . . ouch . Sleepy time for them ! : sleep We got all dolled up for the show . I wore a sparkly red dress , silver heels , and a flower in my hair . I went all out . Lol We got the the theater just as the doors opened . It was madness , all those lines . It took like a half hour to get through the merch line . : innocent I got two programs ( one for me , one for Angie ) and the long sleeved black shirt , which cost $ 40 . I 'm wearing it right now , actually . = ) Then , we went to the bathroom which also had a long line . Our seats were nice . 17th row , aisle . Whoo - Hoo ! The lights went down and a little boy came out and sang Hark the Herald angels Sing . Then , the red curtain came up and there was a sheer white curtain there . Clay came out and started the show with The Music of Christmas . Then that curtain opened and the elementary choir came out . Then another curtain and showed the orchestra . Then another curtain and the high school choir was there . It was amazing . Clay 's voice just Soared throughout the theater . The first half was all the secular songs . Winter Wonderland , Sleigh Ride , the works . What Are You Doing on New Years Eve , Clay came down the center aisle ( not mine , darnit . . . * snaps fingers * ) and sang to a couple people . * sigh * I love him . . . . = ) During intermission , I went over and talked to Nick . I told him , " Hey Nick . I see you all the time , but I 've never introduced myself , so I thought I 'd do that now . " The second half was all the holy songs . O Holy Night should NOT provoke the feelings they do . . . . lol , Claymates know what I mean . . . . ; ) He got a standing O for that one . : clap : clap : clap Jacob , Angela , and Quiana all got to sing solos . God , if only I had Quiana 's voice . . . . that girl is fanastic ! So is Angela . . . . . wow . Jacob is good too , but the girls are better . * shrugs * IMO . : tyty MDYK . . . whoo ! Hotness on a holy song ! Hahahahaha , just wow . . . . . DSIAFCD was astounding . That glory note practically killed me ! The strength of it ! The knee bend ! Gah . . . . . . . . the knee bend in the Pants of Perfection . . . . : bow : bow : thud * woodshed time * The crowd went WILD on that note . . . . he so knows how to push our buttons . = ) Since I couldn 't find Jerome during intermission , I had to talk to him during GN . As much as it killed me to do so . I got to him and he leaned over to I could talk in his ear . Me : I have to say one thing . I know you guys are gonna rush outta here soon so , I just wanted to thank you for Charlotte since I never got the chance to . I really appreciate it . So , he took the phone and talked to Angie for a minute ! YAY ! ! ! ! ! EEEEEEE ! ! ! ! ! ! ! They talked about how Chicago is freezing but he loved the city . And Angie thanked him for taking care of Clay . He said ( along the lines ) " You guys take good care of Clay too " Awww ! = ) I < 3 Nick ! : lubdub Me and Mar went around to the busses after that . It took forever . . . . . . my feet were frozen . When I was to the point where I was about to cry they hurt so bad , and Clay still hadn 't come out , we left and went to the Dunkin Donuts across the street . Go figure , he left like five minutes later . The people in there were creepy guys taking to themselves . . . yikes . : g2g The next morning , Mike picked us up at 9 : 15am and we went back to Mar 's house . Of course , we ate breakfast , then headed onto the boards . Lol We were almost late for my train because we were so engrossed in Claymate updates . Lol |
Now that the World Series is over it seems an odd time to be posting a baseball video . This is very , very short , taken at the first Giants game I went to after they moved into the new stadium . The stadium was on the way to becoming the " old stadium " before I made it to a game , but I was pleased to see how much fun it was to attend a baseball game again , and what an incredibly beautiful venue SBC Park is . It also tickled me to see the post - game tradition , the music that was piped in over the loudspeaker . Not exactly what one would think of for a ball game . This is a very short clip , but you get the idea . It was 6 years ago when I was still learning my way around the Internet when I shared with Peggy the ultimate Internet experience . I would sit at my home in California on a morning and chat with someone I had never met who was sitting at her home in Australia in the evening and we would both be watching the activities in various parts of Africa during the afternoon there . We would use Instant Messaging to comment on what we were seeing , or to direct the other person to a different camera if something was happening there . Africam , unfortunately , suffered from growing pains and financial problems and eventually it shut down , but now there is a great Africam through the National Geographic . Instead of the multi camera set up of the old Africam , now there is one camera which focuses on Pete 's Pond , a watering hole frequented by all sorts of wildlife . Instead of broadcasting one photo every 30 seconds , this is now not only a movie , but with sound as well . Peggy , because of where she lives now and the constraints on her ability to download material , is no longer able to watch Africam , so I attempted to take some screen shots for her . I got the idea the day I turned into Africam and instead of seeing a few birds or a gazelle or something , I saw a herd of elephants . This was the most exciting thing I 'd seen in all the years that I 'd been watching Africam , except for the one day that Peggy and I happened to find a lion eating a kill . I took some screen shots of the elephant herd to send to Peggy . Then I decided to try taking some screen shots of the movies that I was seeing , knowing full well how awful the resolution would be . I sat here one afternoon and hit the jackpot - - birds , ostrich , crocodile and zebra . It was the most I 'd seen on Africam , so I put together a brief video , mostly to send to Peggy , but I decided to post it as well . The quality is what you 'd expect from a digital camera aimed at a computer screen , and yeah , you can find professionally made good quality videos on television every day , but there is something Posted by It 's not that I was that enamored with Arthur 's 85th birthday party , but it gave me a good opportunity to try out a new piece of software , PhotoStory , which I downloaded today . It is quite easy to learn ( at least for this brief slide show ) . But the reason you should watch this show is not for the show itself , but for the music . When I was a kid , some 50 + years ago , my father purchased an old 78 rpm record ( well , at the time it was a new 78 rpm record ) of The Sportsmen , a quartet that did the opening number and commercials for The Jack Benny Show . This record had four songs on it , one of which was their version of Happy Birthday . It kept us in stitches for years and Ned eventually converted it to an mp3 file so I am now able to share it with the rest of the world . Give it a listen . The problem with going to birthday parties for people who have passed a certain age ( whatever that age is ) , is that you 're never sure if there will be one next year . Last year we attended our friend Arthur 's 84th birthday . He had recently had a fall and was looking frail , for the first time since I 'd known him . I wondered if he would live to see his 85th . But there he was , looking like the old Arthur , holding court at his 85th birthday on Sunday . He 's always reminded me of a leprechaun , this Irish man from Boston , whom I have known for at least a couple of decades . We worked together at The Lamplighters ( Gilbert & Sullivan theatre company in San Francisco ) . Walt worked with him on the tech crew for a long time . Arthur and Jim found each other awhile back and have been together ever since . Jim is a retired physician who owns a house in town and a cattle ranch in the hills . We had never been to the ranch before , so it was fun to see it at the party . And fun to connect with old Lamplighters we rarely see any more . We were away all day today and I was making a video , but don 't have time to put it together , so I 've gone to the vaults to pull this one out . This is from about 3 years ago , when we were going to the wedding of one of the guys in our kids ' band . The kids were all providing the music for the wedding . In the photo at the right , Ned and his wife Marta rehearse their duet . Later on Jeri on sax and flute rehearses , both with Ned and Marta , but also with other people from the band . This video was taken with a camera that only let me take brief clips before it stopped to write to the disk , so this is pretty choppy from clip to clip . ( this one is a QuickTime video . If you are unable to see it , you can probably watch it on YouTube ) Ashley and I have been working together to produce the 2006 SPCA Calendar , which is the year 's fund - raising item . There has been a lot of frustration in how the whole thing was handled , but now that it 's actually out , I 'm very proud of how it all works . We done good . I was asked yesterday to put together a slide show about the calendar to be used in web advertising , so I did . This shows all of the cover pages for the calendar , leaving off the actual pages themselves . Of course , since we aren 't selling them outside of this area , this is not an advertising ploy for the web audience at large , but merely to post the video somewhere where it can be linked . But I 'm happy with how all the page designs turned out . I think November is my favorite . Haley came for a visit yesterday . Haley is the blind puppy ( 10 weeks old ) that Ashley was going to have us take so that Sheila could " teacher her how to be a dog . " Instead , there is a ranch for disabled dogs which is going to take her , but before she flew to Montana , Ashley brought her over so I could see her . What a cutie ! Except that she walks with her front paws held at an unusual angle ( to check for things in front of her ) , it 's hard to believe that she 's really blind . She got along so well with the big dogs and once again , I was impressed with how Sheila seems to know intuitively who she can roughhouse with and who she can 't . She was very gentle with this little puppy and I loved watching the two of them together . This video is probably a bit longer than it should be , but I had already cut out about half of the material I 'd taken , and I just really liked watching the puppy moving around . The very best parts of the video come toward the end where she hits " grass " and starts running across the grass with this great loping gambolng gait . So cute ! This is my third video about the area in which I live . It 's a good example of why people use scripts . When I ran it after I got home , I was amazed at how many times I used the word " town " in the space of a minute . Still , this is a unique place worthy of a video . It shows the kind of weird things that go on around here . Slingshot came to us on Saturday , the 22nd . He 's part Lab and probably part Great Dane . He 's not exactly the most exciting dog we 've had ( as this video shows ) , but he 's a sweetheart , except that he apparently hates Walt , even now that he 's been here nearly a week . Still , in keeping with my desire to keep a video record of each of the dogs that we foster , this is my tribute to Slingshot . May he find a home on Saturday . ( He 'd be the perfect dog for a lesbian couple , if there is one out there looking for a nice big dog ! ) There 's just something about hot air balloons . This being a flat area dotted by cities , but with a lot of bare space inbetween ( alas , now being filled up ) , it 's a great place for hot air balloons and frequently on a calm day you 'll look up in the sky and see one or more floating overhead . I don 't know what it is - - the mystique or something . But I 've always loved watching hot air balloons . Today I was driving home from downtown when I saw a hot air balloon in the sky . I happened to have the camcorder with me and went chasing after it , just to see what would happen . There is no law that says I need to post a video daily - - but I get compulsive about stuff like that . I haven 't been out in a couple of days , so I had to go to the vault to see what I could find . I took this brief clip when I was in San Francisco , at Pier 39 , where there are always groups playing music and selling CDs . The faux cable car in the back is a nice touch ( it 's one of the motorized ones that does tours around town . . . the real cable cars run on a cable underground ! ) I spent last night watching a West Wing marathon , seeing all those episodes in Season Five that I slept through when they were first run . I 've almost gotten to the one where Jed convinces C . J . to become Chief of Staff . Never have a non iPod related question when a new product has just come out because the phone lines are flooded with iPod calls . Suddenly my QuickTime ( for which I have paid to upgrade to Pro ) gives me a message that says " Your copy of QuickTime Player 7 . 0 . 2b20 will expire in 14 days . Please visit [ web site ] to download and install a new version of QuickTime . " Huh ? Haven 't I paid for this version ? So I call customer support and , like a good girl , wander aimlessly through voice mail hell until , miracle of miracles , I actually find a real live person trained to help me with my problem . Only she 's never heard of this message before , nor has anybody she can find to ask . So she gives me a " special number " that will get me the help I need . Once again I am offered options : If you know the number of the person you want , if you have an existing order , or if you want to purchase a Mac . Well , none of these options work , so I press " O " and am told that is an improper number . So I decide to go with having an existing order . Then I wade through THOSE options and finally come to " if you are calling about QuickTime . " Bingo ! I 've found it . I 'm home , Baby . I press the number and get the recording : " We are pleased to offer help for QuickTime on our web site [ URL ] . Click . " I have made the complete circle from checking the web site for help to calling for support to being sent back from where I started . And my version of QuickTime will still expire in 14 days . I thought the saddest news I would receive today was hearing that my sister - in - law 's 14 year old cat had to be put down . I wasn 't really close to Chew ( I 'm not really a cat person ) , but I know how much she loved him and I know that she is hurting . But I wasn 't prepared to hear that Peggy had to put Keno down as well . We all knew that Keno was on borrowed time , but each time Peggy felt that it was time for " the green needle , " as she called it , the doctors found a way to make life more comfortable for her . But today she reached the end of her life . She was a beautiful dog , as I 've said in my journal entry , and you don 't expect animals , however beloved they are , to go on forever , but my heart is heavy tonight , being so far away , especially because I know how much pain Peggy is in . Continuing my " how long will this phase last " project , I have made my second walk and this one is to a small bird sanctuary . I used to ride past this place in my bike riding days , when I could still ride a bike and always loved watching the Canada geese in the lake and the various wild birds that would come by the sanctuary itself . Of course , with my usual great timing , I chose to visit the sanctuary in the fall , when all the birds have flown south for the winter - - or whatever else birds in this temperate climate do . I also went at mid day on a fairly warm day , when all the birds were likely to be asleep . So the end result isn 't as exciting as I 'd hoped , but I did get to catch a few interesting moments , plus this egret in flight and that made the whole trip worth it for me . I am so tickled about this video . It started out being just another boring movie about somebody 's dogs , but I made it because I don 't know if Katey will be adopted today and I wanted a record of how well she and Sheila play together . As a video it 's ok , if you like watching dogs chasing themselves around the back yard . But then I decided it needed a soundtrack and I started looking through the music that Jeri has recorded and I came up with a piece that was the right length . When I added it , it just changed the whole video . What was very weird is that when the music is fast , the dogs are fast ; when the music slows , the dogs slow . I couldn 't have planned it better . There are places where it 's not quite exact , but it 's so close that I 'm thrilled . The problem is that I find that Jeri can get the music , but not the picture ; Ned can 't get it at all . So now I 'm wondering how many people can actually SEE these videos that I make and how many aren 't able to view them at all . Who says video blogging is not good for you . I got this great idea today as I was sitting at a coffee shop called Ciocolat eating a lemon bar and meeting with the head of the Theatre and Drama Department at UC Davis . It occurred to me that the camcorder could actually get me out of the house and moving a bit . So I decided to take a couple of days a week to just take a walk somewhere around town and see what there is to videotape . This is the first walk and we 'll see how long I 'll keep up this idea ! A word of explanation - - this starts with a couple of printed titles that I made with me doing a voiceover ( which kind of tickled me that I figured out how to do that ) . The reason is that I originally filmed myself and when I played back the video , I had chosen the absolute worst possible angle and it was abominable - - but , of course , too late to reshoot . So I just took the audio track from those two clips and used them with a graphic . I have to get this " videotaping myself " down a bit better ! We don 't go out all that much . Well , we do , but I think about nights we go to the theatre as being " work , " since we don 't make an evening of it , with dinner and that sort of thing , and I have to come home and write a review . Just " going out for fun " is something we rarely do . Ahhh . . . but how can you resist Wallace and Gromit and the Curse of the Were - Rabbit ? We have been waiting for the movie to open , and it did this week . Walt suggested we go to see it Monday night . We went early , expecting there to be crowds , and were surprised to discover only a handful of people in the theatre ( perhaps because it was a holiday , even tho Columbus Day isn 't one of your major holidays ) . Anyway , we really enjoyed the movie and then went looking for somewhere to eat afterwards , discovering that a lot of the restaurants in the neighborhood were closed . But we did find a Chinese place that was open , so we had dinner at the Silver Dragon . A nice night - - and best of all - - I didn 't have to come home and write a review , and we had enough leftovers that I didn 't have to cook dinner the next night . When we had the new Pergo floor installed downstairs , we first had to take up the existing rug . The problem becomes : what do you do with a rug ? They charge to go to the dump - - and we don 't have a truck anyway , so for the time being , we put it on the patio and covered it with a tarp . Time got away from us . Walt took 2 months to go to Washington , D . C . and it wasn 't until this week that he finally started dealing with the rug . Unfortunately , in the meantime it has become Sheila 's favorite perch , where she likes to survey the back yard . She also uses it as a trampoline , a springboard to toss her from the patio to the lawn . My mother is the 3rd to the last of 11 children . Only 10 made it to adulthood , young Nonie drowning at age 4 . She was twin to # 3 , so she died long before my mother came along . When we were visiting my aunt yesterday , she explained how her parents happened to have so many children . At the start of this video , she is talking about another family , but then switches to her mother . I love my aunt Barb . She was once the brightest , wittiest , sweetest person you 'd ever want to meet . I aspire to be the writer that she was . She is now in an Alzheimers facility , and still witty and sweet , but the ravages of this awful disease become more and more apparent . She is having trouble with word - finding now and sometimes doesn 't remember that she 's in her own room , or how to get to the lunch room ( just a few doors down ) . She sometimes confuses her daughter with my mother ( unless my mother is there ) . It 's sad to see this happen to her . We went to visit her yesterday - - my mother , myself , my cousin Denise and my other cousin ( Barb 's daughter ) , Kathy . Denise , who is a hair stylist , gave Barb a much needed haircut , though she is a bit protective of her hair and doesn 't like having it too short . This isn 't the world 's greatest video . I 'm learning that this camcorder doesn 't do well at low light . I also tried to take it first with the digital camera , and just got a blank screen - - that camera really doesn 't do well in low light . But it 's pretty spectacular in the mornings around here . The crows have discovered our block and hundreds - - probably thousands - - of them sleep in the trees in this neighborhood . When they wake up in the morning , the noise can be deafening . I 've likened it to all of them getting ready to go off to work , since that 's really what they 're doing . Waking up , doing whatever ablutions birds do in the morning and then flying off to the fields for the day , returning at dusk to settle into the trees again for the night . Unfortunately , I missed the height of " rush hour " in the skies overhead , but did get a taste of the sight ( and especially the sound of it ! ) . The end is the best part . I finally decided to go public about one of my addictions , and this video is that confession . I also have a story that I can 't tell in my journal , so for those who read this blog , you 're ahead of those who don 't ! It 's the story of Sheila the life - saver . It happened this afternoon , when I decided to take a nap ( since I 'd only had 3 hours of sleep the night before ) . I needed to get something and went to get up , whereupon I discovered that I could not move the footrest into the " down " position . There I was . Stretched fully out in the recliner , the back tilted all the way back , and the foot rest stuck in the up position . Try as I might , I couldn 't budge it and when I attempted to push myself up out of the deep recesses of the chair , the back tilted farther to the back and threw me backwards so I couldn 't get enough forward momentum to launch myself out of the chair . Sheila was sleeping upstairs and heard me strugging and came downstairs . What a sight I must have been . Fat lady trying to get out of a chair . Sheila was very concerned and finally , the only way I could get myself up out of the chair was to hang on to her collar and pull myself up that way . Of course , since there is nothing on the Pergo , we all - - dog , chair , and me , when I fell out of it - - slid around on the floor , but eventually I did get out of the damn chair . It is now in the fully reclined and locked position . Walt has fixed this for me several times , and I hope that it 's fixable again . This is a funny story that it would be fun to put in my journal , but since my preference is for my old chair and not the fancy new one that my mother bought me , I don 't dare write about it where she can read it ! This is very short . In Milwaukee we stayed at a hotel with an " upscale lounge " ( " Aqua " ) on the first floor - - it 's where we had our buffet breakfast in the morning . The decor was kind of an underwater theme , with acryllic panels filled with bubbling colored liquid lining the base of the bar , so I took this brief clip . When I added a short musical piece by Jeri to it , it reminded me of a digital lava lamp . Blogger appeared to be out last night , so I wasn 't able to post this entry until now . One of the fun things we did in / around Milwaukee was to drive to East Troy and ride this 11 - mile ( round trip ) electric railroad . I didn 't take a lot of video , but did take a bit to get the feel of the ride , the condition of the cars , a bit of explanation from the guy who was taking the tickets , etc . We rode out to a farmers market where we bought a fresh apple pie and watched kids climbing all over pumpkins , before we reboarded the train ( a different one this time ) for the ride back to the Electric Railroad museum . Now this video was kind of fun to put together . I 'd already learned how to combine two videos into one in QuickTime and with the " Milwaukee Dogs " video I learned how to add a voice to a photo and add that to the video . On this one , I used all of those techniques , but also after I got that done , there was too great a contrast from just my voice on the photo to the sound of the windchimes , so I was able to extract the chiming sound from one of the soundtracks and add that to my voice - over too . I was pleased with how good that came out . It 's amazing how time consuming it is coming home , now that I take digital photos and movies and edit them with PhotoShop and make slide shows and post to Flickr , etc . , etc . , etc . It seemed that yesterday was a VERY busy day , and yet all I did was sit here and go over all the " media " from the weekend and try to get it all in order and / or posted somewhere . There is still a lot to do , but I did make a couple of movies . I made a total of 4 movies while there , but probably won 't post one of them because it didn 't turn out very well . I kind of liked this one , though , because I am learning not only how to combine still photos with live action , but also how to add a sound track on the still photos . I know that I do everything in a back - assed manner , but what the heck . I 'm learning with every movie that I make . |
When I was pregnant with Shea and before I knew whether I was having a boy or a girl , my former boss at Plush Puppy Pet Grooming and I were talking about having kids in general . She said , " I hope you have a girl . Girls are so easy . With boys you have to worry about them killing themselves . " At the time I thought , What a weird thing for her to say . Are all boys suicidal ? I must have missed something in health class about that … . It wasn 't until I had Shea and he got a little older that I realized she didn 't mean suicide , she meant the dangerous and klutzy things that all boys do on a daily basis . From the moment Shea took his first steps I knew we were in trouble . This kid literally cannot go a day without hurting himself . Our record for emergency room visits is twice in two weeks , both for open bleeding head wounds . I 'm honestly shocked that we 've gone almost three years now without stitches - he always manages to shred himself in places that they can 't stitch . As a mother and as a first - time mother at that , the first couple of times this happened I bawled my eyes out , but now when I hear the tell - tale " thunk " followed by the " Ahhhhhhh ! ! ! ! ! " I sigh and roll my eyes , casually stroll over to assess the damage , ask him if he wants to go the hospital , which is almost always a " No … " and then follow up with a pat on the head and a kiss on the ouchie . I 'm trying to raise men here , not cry - babies … That is not to say I am not embarrassed when I take my children out in public and they look like they 've just escaped the Lost Ark . We go to the park sometimes and see these little girls , wearing their glittery pinks and purples complete with Hannah Montana purses and Posh Spice pedicures and here comes my kid , his glasses are crooked from smashing his face into the ground , shirt is stretched out , pants barely fit and he looks like he just got done with toddler fight club - dripping blood from a recent spill and covered in bruises in myriad stages of healing , a rainbow of browns , greens and purples … . I am just waiting for that one time that the doctor , or checkout girl at the grocery store calls CPS and I am put under suspicion of child abuse . Let me state for the record - I DO NOT beat my kid . He does that well enough himself ! And most parents would understand that boys are boys , and they rarely present unblemished , however my son likes to embellish the truth … . After one of the listed incidents , let 's see … . Ah yes , number 6 , we went to the ER , certain that this would go down in history as Shea 's first stitches . However , due to the triangular shape of the wound , they suggested we let it heal naturally and sent us on our way , with a 950 . 00 hospital bill for some soap and a band aid … The next day I had an OB appointment and my doctor looked at Shea and said , " Oh honey , what happened to your head ? " and Shea looked up at her with big blue watery eyes and said , " Daddy spanked me … . " Silence … . Matt and I quickly looked at each other , both with the same stunned , " What the f … . . " expression and quickly babbled random sentence fragments to try to save some face and keep ourselves out of jail . What had actually happened was Shea had done something , I can 't remember what , probably hit one of us or did something naughty , so Matt set him on our bed to try to talk to him about what he had done and Shea , in his glorious rage , threw himself off the bed and hit his forehead on the corner of the nightstand leaving quite a nice hole in his head . Let me sidetrack a moment and relay the story of what happened in the ER that night … . Shea was close to two and a half , it was around Christmas time because I remember there being reindeer stickers on the windows in the ER . Matt brought Shea into the living room and Shea was crying , Matt was rolling his eyes and saying , " He hit his again throwing a fit … . " " MATT ! ! " I yelled . " What ? " he said , puzzled . Matt was holding Shea outward and wasn 't seeing what I was seeing . He saw a toddler throwing a fit , I saw the toddler throwing a fit with a waterfall of blood gushing out of his forehead . Matt turned Shea around and said , " Oh shit ! " and we ran to the kitchen . I pressed a towel to his head and tried to kiss some tears away . I lifted the towel to see if the bleeding had slowed down and to assess the damage and almost vomited on Shea - There was a deep hole in his head and I swear I saw skull … . I yelled , " Matt get the car , we 're going to the hospital . " Matt scoffed at me , sauntered over and said , " Nicole , you 're overreacting , there 's no way you can see skull . " He looked at the hole for what seemed like several minutes , quietly grabbed the keys and went to get the car . I sat in the back seat holding Shea on my lap and telling him we were going to go see the doctor . " NO ! I 'm ok , I feel better … " Shea said . Shea happens to be terrified of doctors , band aids and hospitals … . " Honey , you have ketchup on your head and we need the doctor to clean it up ok ? " ( At this point , blood was ketchup in the Piper house … . ) " NOOOOOOO ! ! ! ! " And as he screamed the blood started pouring again from his head . " Shea , they are just going to look at it and then they 'll give you a sticker , ok ? " I 'm listening , his face seemed to say . " And you 'll get a sucker and mommy will buy you a present , ok ? " He agreed to my terms just as we pulled into the hospital parking lot . Of course everyone and their cousin was in the Hillsdale Hospital ER that night and we were last in line behind everyone with a scratchy throat and a paper cut . You 'd think that a toddler gushing blood from his head would take priority , but you 'd be wrong … My grievances with Hillsdale Hospital is another story I will not get into now … . Anyway , the registration nurse came over and asked what was wrong . Hmmm … I 'm holding a bloody towel to my kids head , he has a tummy ache . " He has a hole in his head , " I said nonchalantly . To which the nurse 's eyes got really wide and my kid started freaking out … . In retrospect I should have worded that differently … oh well . The nurse asked me to move the towel so she could see it and Shea started screaming , " NOOOOOO ! ! ! ! There 's no ketchup ! There 's no ketchup ! " Everyone in the ER started cracking up , Shea was so nervous his eyes were the size of dinner plates and he was vibrating . The nurse was really good with him though and gave him some stickers and eventually won his trust . When we finally went into the treatment room there wasn 't much to be done . The bleeding had stopped so they cleaned it really well and showed us that because of the odd shape they couldn 't stitch it , in fact there wasn 't any skin to stitch , the nightstand had actually gougeMatt and I are babbling about the nightstand and the fit throwing and thank God my doctor had had two boys and she was very understanding . But what the hell ? My kid just told my doctor that we hit him and that 's how he got his head wound ! ? Not cool . And that wouldn 't be the first or last time my kid threw me under the bus . One night while spending the night with my parents , he told them " Mommy hurts me . " My dad said , " Oh yeah ? " and Shea said , " Yep . She slaps my legs like this … " and started hitting himself in the thighs . My parents asked me about it and I was stunned . It was funny and SO not funny at the same time . Why would he say those things ? ? ? Any parent will tell you that if your house is quiet , it 's not time to relax , it 's time to panic because that means your kid is decimating something expensive or irreplacable . There 's a website dedicated to this , called " Shit my kid has ruined " where parents can send in pictures of things their kids have destroyed , it 's very funny . As I do not have pictures to contribute I thought I 'd just make a little list here of things Shea has ruined forever : 1 . Couch - he has peed on the couch several times , but the cushions are machine washable so that 's no biggie , but one time he burrowed behind the cushions and after a few minutes I realized he was being very still and quiet . I thought maybe he had fallen asleep back there . . . nope , he was drawing pictures on the inside of the couch with a black ink pen . 2 . Laptop Computer - Matt left his laptop on the floor while it was charging , left the room for a minute to get something to drink and when he came back Shea had picked all of the letter keys off of the keyboard . About 3 / 4 of the keys were completely OFF and he couldn 't get them to go back on again . One laptop - completely useless now . 3 . Brand new Cell Phone - Matt 's cell phone got ruined from being outside and having lots of sand and dirt in it so he went online and ordered a new phone . It was 80 . 00 and supposed to be more durable than the last one , including a new feature : Water Proof . It came in the mail and Matt opened it and activated it , set it on the counter and turned to open the rest of the mail . I walked into the kitchen and asked to see his new phone but it wasn 't where he had set it . We turned around to sit it sitting in the bottom of Shea 's water table that he got for Christmas , and yes , it was full of water at the time . New phone + 5 minutes with a sneaky 1 1 / 2 year old = destroyed phone ? Nope - it really was waterproof , but if it hadn 't been . . . . 4 . Irreplacable pictures from when I was a baby - I had taken a few pictures from my parents house of me when I was a baby and put them neatly in a scrapbook that I had spent a lot of time decorating . One day I caught Shea pouring water into said scrapbook . Most of it was fine , except for one page with pictures of me and mom that there are no copies of and no negatives . . . : ( 5 . Kodak Printer - I opened the paper tray of the printer one day so I could print something only to have 20 or so hotwheels cars fall out of it . The printer was then broken for several months until a whole day of messing with it fixed the problem . 7 . Several dishes - when a two year old wants to find out what wil happen if he throws a glass bowl onto a tile floor , there is much fun to be had . . . . NOT ! 8 . 75 . 00 floor lamp - Matt and I lived in Japan for a year and when we came back we wanted to decorate our apartment " Japanese " style . We bought a floor lamp that is black , wooden and has a paper " lantern " looking square top - it 's very " Japanese - y " . Caught Shea coloring the paper lantern part with orange and green non - washable crayons . . . . we DID tell him he was only allowed to color on paper . . . . 9 . Sterling Silver airplane piggy bank - a gift from my dad 's aunt and uncle for Shea . Hmm . . . guess what happens when you bang it on the floor repeatedly ? One of the " legs " falls off . . . . … Because there is a difference . And any mom will tell you - we are fricken ' superwomen . A mom can get up in the morning , make breakfast , dress the kids , send the husband off to work , clean the house , do the laundry and whatever else needs to be done while at the same time , be dying from whatever super bug happens to be going around at the time . I know , because I 've done it ! When I was younger , if I got sick , even if it was just your run - of - the - mill common cold , I would stay home in bed , or parked on the couch in my pajamas watching " The Price is Right " while eating my chicken noodle soup and nursing a hot mug of Thera - Flu . Not anymore . I 'm a mom now … Mom 's come last , didn 't you know ? If the husband is sick , he stays in bed , tossing and turning and moaning and whining - he gets sympathy . The wife takes care of him , brings him medicine , takes care of the kids by herself . If the kids get sick , mom is the one who cleans up the barf , takes the temperatures , tucks them in bed and funnels fluids down their throats . But who takes care of mom when she 's sick ? Mom … that 's who . Mom takes care of herself and EVERYTHING and EVERYONE else , all at the same time . In November of 2010 , I was six months pregnant with Kellan and Shea was about two and a half years old . Matt was in Maine for work , he had been there for over a month and we had no idea when he would be home . We weren 't even sure if he 'd make it home for Thanksgiving . ( a little back story on Matt - at the time he was travelling the country , digging up unexploded ordinance . His job at the Coldwater newspaper wasn 't paying the bills so he took a major leap into a completely different job field . The paychecks were a lot better , but this meant he wasn 't home much at all ) . My parents were a life saver . They really helped me a lot with Shea ; I was practically a single mother at that point , with Matt gone so much , and on top of it , pregnant … life wasn 't exactly easy for me . One weekend , my dad 's uncle was having his 90 - something birthday party and they invited Shea and I to go along . We went , had cake and home - made ice cream and Shea got to play with a ton of other little kids . I was doted on and lots of hands were rubbed over my very pregnant belly . That night we went back to my parents ' house where my mom had a pot roast waiting in the oven and I ate my butt off . I had a mountain of food on my plate , we 're talking rolls , potatoes , green beans and a hunk of meat that would for sure be settling on my ever - growing hips the next day . My plate was fuller than my dad 's , and that 's saying something ! We stayed for a little while and when it started getting dark , Shea and I headed home . As soon as we walked in the door my stomach started to hurt . God , I ate way too much , I thought . So I grabbed a Vernors and put on my Sea Bands ( motion sickness bracelets that are supposed to help relieve morning sickness and nausea in general ) and we went to bed . I kind of tossed and turned for awhile but then I started sweated and feeling very very queasy . I didn 't even make it to the bathroom . I grabbed the garbage can that we keep near the bed and hurled my guts up . Everything I had eaten that day , heave after heave after heave . I couldn 't breathe . I ran to the bathroom holding the bucket and kept puking , and puking and puking . I had never vomited so much in my life . And the whole time I was thinking , " Oh my God ! My mom food - poisoned me ! ! " I probably threw up for another couple of hours , didn 't sleep at all and the whole time I was waiting for Shea to start throwing up too , because he had eaten the same food . And I was just waiting for 7 : 00am so I could call my parents and see if they had been food - poisoned too . I was going to bitch my mom out for this ! As soon as it was daylight I texted her , " r u guys feeling alright ? Cuz I 'm not ! ! been throwing up all night . " And she texted back , " I 'm fine , but ur dad was throwing up all night 2 ! must b the stomach flu , what ? Did u think I gave u food poisoning ? ? " Hmm … the plot thickens … How could only two of us have been food poisoned ? Mom was right , it had to be a " bug " . Mom said she would try to find time to leave work and bring me some Gatorade and to just relax and stay in bed . Yeah right ! I have a two year old and that two year old … is SHEA ! How am I supposed to stay in bed and rest , this kid bounces off the walls every moment he 's awake . But I did . Cuz I 'm a mom . There wasn 't anyone there to take care of me . Matt couldn 't come home , dad was puking too , mom was working , my in - laws were in Florida , my mother - in - law was in Kalamazoo , my sister - in - law was working , my siblings were not in town - there was literally NO ONE to take care of me . I had to do this myself and take care of Shea too . I laid in bed for a while because Shea was still asleep . At one point I heard my back door open , the dog barked , and my mom 's voice said , " SHHH ! Shut up you stupid dog ! " and I thought she 'd come in and check on me , like she used to when I was little , but instead I hear something " thud " down on the table and then squealing tires back down the driveway . She had put the Gatorade out for me and gotten the hell out of Dodge before she caught whatever stomach bug I had . Who could blame her ? Shea woke up just then and we went about our day . I fed him and changed his diaper making sure my bucket was close by . And I told Shea , " Mommy is sick , we need to relax today , " but that fell on deaf ears . That afternoon my mom called and told me that 19 other people who had been at that birthday party had been throwing up that night and one of them went and was tested , which came back positive for Norovirus . The worst part of it all was that I was PREGNANT ! while all this was happening . But I lived through it and I feel like I could do anything now ! In conclusion , mom 's rock . Simple enough . You have to grow some thick skin when you become a mom or you 'll never survive motherhood . Before I had kids , but while we were trying to get pregnant ( there wasn 't really any trying , one day we were like , " Hey let 's have a baby ! " and the next day I was pregnant ) I had this picture in my head of long haired little girls with pink dresses and Barbie dolls … . What I got was two little boys who eat dirt , laugh when they fart and can 't keep their hands out of their pants . I say , " they " even though Kellan is only three months old and hasn 't actually done any of those things yet , I am simply predicting the future … If you don 't have kids , or if you only have girls , or if your baby boy is still a precious little infant , than you may not know , but let me break it to you - little boys are OBSESSED with their wieners . I cannot even count how many times a day I yell , " Shea ! Get your hand out of your pants ! " It 's ridiculous . I 'm beginning to think he has a mental problem . ( Future Shea , I am so sorry if this embarrasses you , please forgive me , it 's just good material … . ) 1 . Walmart - while sitting in the shopping cart . Me : SHEA ! What are you doing ? ? Shea : ( as loud as he can yell ) IT ' S MY WIENER ! ! ! ! 2 . At the Eye Dr . - while sitting in the exam chair , DURING the actual eye exam . Thank God the doctor was looking closely at his eyes and didn 't notice Matt swatting Shea 's hand away from his " junk . " The day we had Kellan , the pediatrician came to the hospital to examine our new little bundle of joy and Matt said , " Um , hey … we 've got a two year old who will NOT leave his wiener alone … . . " Dr . : Oh yeah , that 's normal . Matt : Really ? Cuz it 's like … ALL the time … Dr . : Totally normal . Matt : Ok , so like , he 'll grow out of it … or … . ? Dr . : ( laughs ) Oh , no . No . They just get better at hiding it … . I 've even tried compromising with him . I 've accepted the fact that it 's going to happen so one day I sat Shea down and said , " It 's ok to touch your wiener , but you have to do it in your room or in the bathroom . You don 't do that in front of people . Understand ? " He said , yeah , he understood … That night , Shea got up from playing and headed toward the bathroom . Matt : Hey Buddy , do you need to go potty ? Shea : Nope , I need to go play with my wiener … . Oy vey … But he continues to stand in the middle of the living room and watch cartoons while " exploring " himself . What 's a mom to do ? I 'm afraid to send him to preschool for fear of the inevitable phone call from the teacher that my son is being " inappropriate " at school . While we were in the process of moving to Atlanta , the boys and I stayed with my parents for a month while I was healing from childbirth . One night , my mom had finished giving Shea a bath and sent him out into the living room in just a towel . He dropped the towel , jumped up onto the couch next to my dad and started dancing around singing , " Look at my wiener , look at my wiener ! " I thought my dad was going to have a heart attack . He was both laughing and horrified at the same time . He covered his eyes and pleaded with Shea to get dressed . Shea then started bouncing on the ottoman singing , " Do the … wiener dance ! Do the … wiener dance , " to the tune of the Huggies " Potty Dance . " And this wiener wonderland extends beyond himself . He 's been known to ask people if their wieners are ok . One day he asked ME , " Mom , is your wiener ok ? " Me : I don 't have a wiener , I 'm a girl . Shea : oh … . You have an … . inside ? Me : ( what the f …… . ? Where did he " invent " this knowledge ) Don 't worry about it Shea , that 's not a nice thing to ask someone . Shea : Oh , sorry . Are your boobs ok ? Me : * sigh * yes , Shea , they 're fine . Thanks for asking . I don 't know what to do . How do you teach a child what 's appropriate and what 's not ? I 've become a broken record saying it to him and it doesn 't seem to be sinking in . I don 't want him to grow up with " issues " , you know ? I think it 's our fault , mine and Matt 's . I read in one of those baby books that when you change the baby 's diaper , DO NOT make a face or gag or say " that 's disgusting " or the baby will grow up to have psychological damage and think that their " privates " are dirty and disgusting . So I told Matt this exclusive information and whenever we would change his diaper , no matter how nuclear - explosive or vomit inducing it was , we would smile and say , " Yay ! Good poop ! " Must have been reverse psychology and we instilled in him a psychological " bonus , " if you will , that his " privates " were unequivocally awesome . Major back fire . The things I let my children eat . If the " me " from three years ago saw what was kept in my cupboards today she would die of a heart attack . Let 's back this story up a couple years , say … oh , 2008 , the year Shea was born . Back then I was a little more idealistic , a little self - righteous and convinced that I was THE most knowledgeable mother on the planet when it came to babies and their diets . Shea was exclusively breast fed for the first few months of his life . When we started supplementing formula we bought the top of the line " almost exactly , kind of like breast milk " formula and he continued to breast feed until he was almost two years old . When it was time to start solids , about 6 months old , nothing passed my baby 's lips unless is was certified Organic , no dyes , no preservatives , no MSGs , all - natural , grain - fed , free range , hoity - toity , stick your nose up in the air , snooty and THE BEST , money could buy . If the me today , could meet the me from back then , she would slap her and laugh … One of these SUPER foods was Earth 's Best Organics , pureed peaches . I thought it sounded awesome , and who doesn 't like peaches ? Well , ask that to my 7 month old who projectile vomited them across the living room . That 's weird , I thought . Up to that point he had never in his life thrown up . He never even spat up when he was a newborn . The next day , following the " three days in a row " rule for detecting food allergies ( give me a break , how has the human race survived this long ? ) I fed it to him again . This time , all seemed ok so we put him in his car seat and headed into town . Half way to the grocery store we heard , " Bluuuuuuuuh , YACK ! ! ! ! " He had projectile vomited all over himself , the car seat is a puddle of peach puke and Matt and I just look at each other , horrified . What do we do ? ? ? We ended up going to my parent 's house to hose out the car seat , air out the Jeep and enjoy a little pool time … Let 's not waste the afternoon because of a little puke , right ? Day three , I am thinking we should ditch the peaches , this just isn 't working out . A call to the pediatrician calms me down a bit , the doctor doesn 't suspect an allergy , he just thinks Shea is not a fan of peaches . Try again in a few months . Fast forward - Shea is older now , walking and talking . We go to my grandparents ' house who happen to have a peach tree . Grandpa Holland picks a ripe peach and helps Shea eat it . Shea is inhaling this peach and saying " mmmmmm " in between gulps . Hmmm , ok , he likes peaches now . A few hours later , after we are home , " Bluuuuuuuuh , YACK ! " Peach puke on the carpet … . . Ok , no more peaches for Shea , ever … . . But back on track , I think all mothers start out like I did . You want the best for your baby , but eating that way is just not practical . Eating Organic all the time IS ideal , but that 's not the world we live in . America today is the Mecca of processed factory - made chemical packed food products . And I think raising your children on a strict Organic diet is setting them up for an embarrassing moment of shitting their pants in front of their friends the first time they go out alone and eat McDonalds . You have to give a little . 1 . I 'm folding laundry and Shea ( age 2 at the time ) comes up to me eating something . Me : What 's in your mouth Shea ? Shea : I don 't know . Me : Spit it out ! ! ! Upon examination it is a piece of fish stick . When did we have Fish sticks ? ? Ummm … . . Thursday . That was three days ago . Shea just ate three day old , room temperature fish sticks . Dear god … . . 2 . I 'm typing on the computer and Shea ( age almost 3 at the time ) comes up to me eating something . ( are you sensing a pattern here ? ) Me : What are you eating ? Shea : Cheese . Me : Where did you get cheese ? Shea : I found it under the couch . Seriously ? Me : Come on , that 's disgusting . Who knows how long that has been there ? 3 . I 'm watching TV and Shea ( age 2 and a half ) comes up to me … . yada yada . Shea : mmmm , Mom I found a raisin . Me : Are you sure that 's a raisin ? Shea : I think so . Me : What if it 's poop ? Shea : ( Spits it out all over the carpet . ) It was in fact a raisin and not poop . 4 . Shea comes out of the bedroom spitting ( age 2 ) . Shea : Mom this is yucky ! ! Me : What is it ? ? Shea : Blue stuff . Me : Where did you find it ? Shea points at the laundry basket and I see blue laundry detergent has dripped on the handle and Shea has scraped some off and eaten it . Me : Why did you eat that ? ? ? Shea : ' Cuz I wanted to eat something … well , yeah … Shea could win Fear Factor with some of the things he has eaten and honestly , I used to have a heart attack every time I caught him eating something weird off the carpet , but you know , you just have to get over it . And he 's never had food poisoning or thrown up after eating any of those things , not even the nasty old fish stick . At this point , with the new baby and all the responsibilities I have that keep me from being able to hawk - eye him , I can 't get so worried with him eating shit off the floor . It 's going to happen . And do you think my cupboard is full of nutritious organic snacks ? Hell no - Right now we have chocolate chip Teddy Grahams , mini - Hershey bars , pop corn , pudding snacks , Cheez - its , and barbecue chips . I feed him fruits and vegetables every day , the rest I just have to give in a little . Yes , he eats McDonalds , I bribe him with chocolate but I am proud to say that at almost three years old , he has never had pop . So there … . It 's 8 : 15am , I am driving home from dropping Matt off at the airport in Atlanta , he 's on a business trip to Texas again , I will be alone with both boys for three days . Going 80mph in a 55mph area , not because I like to speed , not because I 'm in a hurry , but because that 's how people drive here . I don 't even know what highway I 'm on , the GPS speaks and I listen … I 've lived here for only a month and a half and I have no idea how to get around . I can get to the grocery store and back and that is the extent of my knowledge of my new surroundings . Traffic is bumper to bumper , the heart - stopping brake - lights flashing intermittently - I 'm trying to concentrate on what the GPS lady is telling me to do , while simultaneously begging my almost three year old , Shea , to please be quiet and watch his movie , and please stop poking your three month old brother in the face and please stop whining , no I can 't put Blue 's Clues on right now , Mommy is driving , Oh God , did I just hear Kellan poop ? , no we 're not getting McDonalds , for the love of Jesus Christ please SHUT UP ! ! ! ! … Oh my god , did I really just say that ? I did , I totally just screamed " Shut Up " at my three year old . Call CPS , surely someone driving past heard me scream at my kid and now I am officially a terrible mother . How did I get here ? What happened to leisurely car trips ? To putting in my favorite CD , rolling the windows down and just driving , knowing how to get where I was headed ? Hmmm … . 2 . Go to the bathroom . I used to be able to shower and use the toilet whenever I felt the need . Now I have spectators . Shea insists that he accompany me on these trips and I don 't dare leave Kellan in the living room alone with Shea . I have come out from the bathroom or laundry room , to find him with a sucker being shoved in his mouth or on occasion , covered in Hot Wheels cars . I used to be able to grab a snack , or a quick lunch , sit down at the table , or couch and consume said food in its entirety . Now I have to sneak like a ninja to the kitchen with a plan in place , I have to KNOW what I want and where it is . Once I make it to the kitchen undetected , I have to stealthily open a cupboard or fridge door without making a sound . One wrong move and out of nowhere , a little voice behind me says , " Can I have some ? " … . sigh … . Yes , Shea , you can have some . EVERY time there is food in my hands , " Can I have some ? Can I have some ? " I 've even tried saying , " No , you can 't . This is mine " Which elicits glass shattering shrieks , tears and convulsions . I 'm actually surprised he doesn 't weigh 300lbs . The kid eats his own meals and snacks and usually half of everything I dare to bring out of the kitchen . On a positive note , I am losing weight … . 4 . Play the guitar and / or sing . Since I was 12 yrs old I have been playing the guitar . I would play for hours until my fingers were so sore I physically couldn 't play anymore . I even used to open for local bands ( back in Michigan ) and would pack the coffee shop downtown . Now , when I 'm feeling the musical urge , I will wipe the layer of dust off of my Alvarez and start playing a song that reminds me of my youth only to be told , " Mommy , be quiet , I can 't hear Dora ! " This task is now done with one arm holding a writhing , whiny three month old while trying to get him latched on to nurse and the other hand trying to write legibly and work a calculator . I am the master of multitasking … This could also be filed under the " Things I now do with a boob hanging out " list … . So here I am … now at a standstill in traffic on , Ah ! I - 285 … see I 'm learning ! , I feel horrible for telling my kid to shut up , he 's pouting and making me feel worse . Kellan is starting to fuss , my stress level is now through the roof . But when I really think about it and put it all in perspective , I realize I wouldn 't trade it . Not for a second . These boys are my heart and soul and I 'd give up all the " used to 's " in a heartbeat for them . " Shea , mommy is sorry . I said a bad word to you and I 'm really sorry . Do you want mommy to put on Blue 's Clues when we get home ? " He looks up from his pout . " And I 'll get you some Teddy Grahams ? " His pout pulls up into a half smile . " And we can play outside after lunch . " He 's beaming , but I know I had him at " Blue 's Clues " . " Ok , " he pushes " and we can play Rock Band and sing Lady Gaga ? " " Sure thing Buddy , just let mommy concentrate on getting home , Ok ? " He 's ok with that and I feel a little better . Kellan is back asleep and traffic is moving again . GPS lady tells me to exit the highway and I 'm back on a familiar street , I think I can get home from here without her . Breathe , breathe , breathe . Is it Possible to Recover from being a Crappy Parent ? My children are spoiled . ( Shea in 2010 , already with more toys than a baby needs ) And not a cute , & q . . . I 've spent the better part of my life trying to answer THE question . Who am I ? I 've gone through many phases in my life - I tried the Hip . . . As ya 'll know ( yes , I said ya 'll , I 'm newly southern so I 'm trying it out . . . . ) I 'm a couponer . Not an extreme couponer , . . . So Shea , I hear you had a birthday last week ? How old are you now ? 14 . 14 ? Yes . Are you sure you 're not three ? Oh yes , I 'm 3 ! I 'm 3 . Ok . . . |
Subsets and Splits